MATT: Welcome to Critical Role, where a bunch of
us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play

Dungeons & Dragons.

TRAVIS: Dungeons & Dragons!

MATT: Travis is in a good mood. Glad you guys can
join us. Before we jump into tonight’s episode,

let’s get through some quick announcements. First
and foremost, we have our first sponsor for the

evening: our recurring friends at the wondrous D&D
Beyond. Sam, you said you were prepared in advance

for this one.

SAM: Well, I’ve been getting a lot of questions
lately about, like, how do you write these ad

things? I make it sound like, “Oh, I just come up
with it on the fly!” It’s not true. I spend a lot

of time. In fact, I have a file here of rejected
ads that I didn’t deem good enough to use to

promote our friends at D&D Beyond. dndbeyond.com.
Go there, sign up, use their service like we do.

Here’s just a few. I’m just going to rifle through
my files. This one’s terrible. It was a pirate

one, I was going to wear an eye patch, and go,
“Ahoy and welcome to D&D be-yarrrgh! Grab your

“duffel, set the binnacle and follow the
freebooters to DnD beyond dot carrrrrrm!” But it

didn’t make sense.

LAURA: No, that’s terrible.

SAM: This one was– I was going to do a Travis
impression.

TRAVIS: Oh!

SAM: “Yo bros, how about that Cowboys game, right?
When Prescott hit Hurns on that outside post-route?”

TRAVIS: Hurns doesn’t play for them yet.

SAM: Fuck. “I nearly spilled my Natty Lite all
over my Emmitt Smith commemorative Snuggie.”

TRAVIS: It’s a Troy Aikman Snuggie!

SAM: “Man, I love sports. The smell of grass, the
sound of marching bands, the sight of 22 men

"pounding each other for–” All right. Here’s an
early draft of the now-famous D&D Beyond jingle. I

went through many drafts of the lyrics before I
landed on the primo ones that we got.

(sings) You got your perfect wizard, his tomes and his
supplies. But he burned his entire family to death

and now he’s traumatized.

(laughter)

SAM: I thought that was a little too dark.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: This one? What was this one? Our tests
indicate that your rash has spread to the groin

ar– Nope, that’s not it. That was a different
file. I had this one, this one’s really

conceptual. Here, I’ll do it. Matt.

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Matt.

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Matt.

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Matt.

MATT: Yes.

SAM: That’s all it says. It just keeps going and
saying Matt. It wouldn’t have worked! This is why

it’s rejected! Oh, this one. This one is specific
for–

MATT: Very Tim and Eric of you, I respect that.

SAM: We’re all excited to meet Laura and Travis’s
baby.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

SAM: So I consulted with some computer whizzes. We
did some facial recognition to find out what their

baby might look like.

LAURA: Oh no.

MARISHA: Please tell me this is true.

LAURA: No, what did you do?

SAM: It’s got Travis’s eyes, Laura’s eyebrows, and
why don’t you just feast your eyes?

LAURA: Oh jeez.

SAM: On this beauty.

LAURA: That is so terrifying.

TRAVIS: That is some Planet of the Apes.

LAURA: It looks like a ferengi from Star Trek.

SAM: It is definitely your mouth. That’s Travis’s
beard.

TRAVIS: It’s like just the chin strap part. That’s
really Abe Lincoln of me.

SAM: Then the other one I had was flowers for you
to say sorry for that last bit.

LAURA: Aww, they’re wonderful. They’re real!

SAM: That concludes the file, that’s all I’ve got.
The other things in here were just the pictures

that I cut out.

LAURA: Oh jeez, that’s all–

SAM: Yep.

LAURA: Oh, I like that one.

SAM: This is the final one. There’s more rejected
ones, but I’ll read you those another day.

MATT: There we go.

LIAM: BB! I want shaved ice, BB!

SAM: I got my flask for tonight.

LAURA: You asshole.

MARISHA: Anthony Kiedis! That’s who that picture
looked like! I had to remember his name. Show it

again! It’s Anthony Kiedis! I’m just saying!

MATT: Yeah, I can see it.

LAURA: The flowers are a little more bitter right
now.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it is.

MARISHA: Look look look!

TRAVIS: That’s Anthony Kiedis.

SAM: It really is Anthony Kiedis. We’ll do a side
by side. We’ll put it on Twitter. We’ll post it

later. But all of that is to say, D&D Beyond.
Thank you.

MATT: Thank you, Sam. Thank you, D&D Beyond.

TRAVIS: What a look into the future. And what a
bright future at that.

MATT: Our second sponsor for the night actually
comes from inside the family. Those of you who are

familiar with our first campaign got to see him
performing as Garthok for one of our guest

episodes, and he’s been on a number of shows here
at Geek & Sundry. He helped write the theme song

for Critical Role. Actually, he wrote the theme
song for our show, amongst many other songs for

the series. Jason Charles Miller has a new album
coming out this week called In the Wasteland.

SAM: That’s amazing.

MATT: The art looks really cool, the design there.
It’s available now. You can find it wherever else

music is streamed or sold; you can buy an
autographed physical CD copy of it from Jason’s

website, which is jasoncharlesmiller.com. If you
like rock, country or metal music, anything in

between, you’ll probably like this album. If
you’ve ever heard his previous work, it’s pretty

badass actually. I’m very picky with my music and
his stuff is great so check it out, I hope you

like it. We have a great little video at the break
also to discuss this fantastic album. So thank

you, Jason, and I hope you guys enjoy his new
stuff. Moving on. We made the really exciting

announcement earlier this week. If you haven’t
seen: we launched our new online store and we’re

working on brand new shows for our YouTube
and Twitch channel.

LAURA: Are none of us wearing the new shirt?

SAM: Oh wow.

MARISHA: Shit.

TRAVIS: (with mouth full of food) I’ll put it on
at the break. I’ve got it right here. I’ll put it

on when we get to the break. I’ll put it on.

LAURA: Wow.

LIAM: Gobble Gobble.

LAURA: Keep going, Matt.

MATT: We have also put up on Critrole.com shop the
new Mighty Nein shirt. It’s already selling out

really fast in a lot of sizes, but we already have
more ordered that are coming in, so we’ll update

you guys as soon as those come in.

LAURA: Only small, medium and 4XL are sold out
right now. Everything else is still in there.

MATT: If you are of those sizes that are sold out,
we’ll have more soon. We’re super excited about

all the things coming up. Critical Role and Talks
Machina will still be here on the Geek & Sundry

Twitch and in Alpha, so do not worry. All the new
stuff will be coming on our own channels and let

you guys know as soon as things come forward.
Super stoked about that. Also, wanted to let you

guys know friends of ours in the community, I know
that some of you guys are familiar with Web DM

they do fantastic work, fantastic streams and
they’re doing, on June 24th at 1:00pm Central

Time, this weekend, a fantastic fundraiser D&D
stream. With a wonderful all-female cast: we have

Satine Phoenix, Lysa Chen, Autumn Umphress, Syd
Shields and the DM Emma Lambert will be running

for the benefit of The Girls Empowerment Network
in Texas. Tune in at twitch.tv/webdm or

twitch.tv/criticalrole. We’ll be hosting them as
well so you can check it out. It’s going to be a

wonderful game with good people involved and a
great charitable event that you can help be a part

of the cause. So look forward to that.

LIAM: Not to be confused with WebMD.

MATT: No. The standard editions of Vox Machina:
Origins, the comic, are still available through

Geek & Sundry and Alpha online shops. Details are
at critrole.com. Talks Machina is every Tuesday

evening at 7:00PM Pacific where our fantastic host
Brian W. Foster talks about the episode that’s

happening tonight next week. Watch us next week
and a few of us will be there, present, to discuss

what will transpire. I believe that is it and that
is all for the announcements. Anything else guys

or shall we–?

SAM: Short and sweet.

MATT: Then, without further ado: let’s jump in to
tonight’s episode of Critical Role.

[click, TV static]

[groovy Critical Role theme]

MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome back. That’s
good. Last we left off: The Mighty Nein had

completed their first of two ventures they agreed
to complete in the name of The Gentleman. Heading

northward towards Berleben, traversing the
dangerous Labenda Swamp, freeing the once

endangered safe house from the encroaching merrow
dangers that had destroyed and decimated the

people that were working there at the time and
freeing it up for future use. You had acquired a

bird friend in the tiny Kiri that is along with
you, dagger in hand.

TRAVIS: Six hit points.

MATT: Yeah. That’s fine. You’ll be fine.

MARISHA: She’s going to die.

MATT: You gathered your things and went back to
the open road where you headed to the crossroads,

did some trading. Through the evening, jumped into
a few old friends who were looking to rob you,

sent them on their way. Then continued northward
until eventually you came upon the outskirts of

the– what was it– Silberquel Ridge– there we
go, brain not working– to the gnomish city of

Hupperdook. Upon arriving in the city, you took in
the industrial sites: the elements of it that are

heavy machinery and the creation of new types of
clockwork-based technologies, the stacks of soot

and steam sent outward, the war machines being
developed for use to the eastern lines where the

conflict with Xhorhas is now brewing. You made a
friend by the name of Rissa who said, in exchange

for a round drinks in the evening, would show you
around the town for a bit. Upon making your way to

the upper level, you were given a brief tour of
the vicinity which seemed strangely empty. The

streets very well decorated for some seeming
celebration, but nobody present. As the sun slowly

went down, the town came to life as all the work
whistles blew, the sounds of merriment began. And

suddenly, as the sun goes vanishing behind the
distant mountains, the golds and oranges and

subtle purples of the sunset begin to take over,
the sound of music and laughter begins to take the

streets. So, Mighty Nein, what would you like to
do?

TRAVIS: Laughter and music? I don’t trust laughter
and music.

SAM: Were we on our way to something? Were we
going to some place?

LAURA: The Blushing Tankard? Is that where we were
going?

SAM: Blushing Tankard, is that a place to stay?

LAURA: It was a tavern. Rissa?

MATT: “Right, yeah?”

LAURA: There’s a big party happening now!

MATT: “Like I said, welcome to Hupperdook.”

LAURA: Wha– Should we– Should we party?

MATT: “Well, I mean, what else is there to do for
the night here but that?”

SAM: We don’t know. We just got here.

MATT: “There’s nothing else to do! You’ve arrived,
go and get your stuff somewhere and let’s have a drink!”

TALIESIN: Let’s go get out stuff somewhere.

MATT: “You owe me a round anyway.”

TRAVIS: Is this every night or just– It is.

MATT: “Yeah. It’s part of our culture, our gnomish
heritage.”

LAURA: Why?

MATT: “Why? Because it keeps us working hard every
day. Sure, maybe our general longevity, for

"gnomes, is a little shorter than most, but what a
life we lead.” She reaches out and she’s leaning

out the cart as you guys are heading through the
street. These kids run by with sparklers in their

hands and she reaches out and plucks them from
their hand and picks it up it’s all (popping)

around and she passes it over.

SAM: Ooh what– (yelling and blowing)

LAURA: No, it’s cool!

SAM: Oh, are you drawing something? It’s a dick.

LAURA: (gasping)

SAM: I knew it!

LAURA: I was going to write dick!

SAM: Oh, you didn’t even need to.

LAURA: I didn’t!

MATT: “I can already see I’m going to like you
folks!”

TRAVIS: Wow. Work hard, play hard.

MATT: “That’s the way we do here.”

LAURA: I like this town.

TRAVIS: Should we drop our shit off and–

SAM: Where are we dropping? Can we stay at this
place as well or do we–

MATT: “You can.”

SAM: Give me that! I want to smell it.

TRAVIS: Quick question. This Blushing Tankard
tavern, the doors lock, right? There’s privacy,

it’s not like some fucking free-for-all all night,
is it?

MATT: “Well, in the tavern.”

TRAVIS: Upstairs, in the rooms, I assume they
have–

MATT: “Oh, you can lock the doors!”

TRAVIS: I’m just asking. I don’t know! Could be
free love and a bunch of crazy people roaming

around, I don’t know!

MARISHA: It is called the Blushing Tankard.

TRAVIS: Right?

MARISHA: Why is it blushing?

MATT: “Because you put your lips to it.”

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

LAURA: Because why?

SAM: Because you put your lips to it.

LAURA: Oh.

TRAVIS: Yeah. We’re in for a fucki– Okay.

LAURA: Lead the way!

MARISHA: Do I see anyone selling glow sticks?

MATT: Make a perception check.

MARISHA: Light up swords.

TRAVIS: Fiber optic whips.

MARISHA: I want a fiber optic whip.

MATT: Candy necklaces, big giant pacifiers.

MARISHA: That’s not great. Nine.

MATT: What you see is waves of fast moving
families and people. Gnomish, some dwarves, a few

human-sized folks rushing by. It looks like some
of them are rushing from work to get home to

disrobe from all their dirty clothes and jump back
out with their party attire, or they’re already on

their way to wherever their destination is. You
hear fireworks going off in the distance and the

occasional flashes in the sky. But you don’t see
any vendors at this juncture. At this point, who’s

helming the cart and the horses?

LAURA: Fjord.

TRAVIS: I am.

MATT: Okay. Rissa saddles up, sits right in the
little bench next to you at the front of the cart

and takes part of the reins. “Helping to guide you
to where you’re trying to get to go. Follow me.

"Tug to the right and it’s got about two blocks
down that way. It’s going to be hard to miss. Look

"for the large arch with the various spiraling ivy
vines against it.”

TRAVIS: Very nice of you. Can I keep an eye on her
hands just to make sure she’s not going through my

pockets while she’s up here?

MATT: Yeah, make a perception check.

TRAVIS: 15.

MATT: During this travel, as you’re keeping an eye
out, she seems to be just focused on the task at hand.

TRAVIS: I feel a little guilty, but not much.

LAURA: That means that her sleight of hand is
better than your perception. That’s all it means.

MATT: That’s what it could mean, or she could just
not be trying to steal from you, but it could be

either. You don’t know. After pulling around the
side, you come to this large celebration square

where there are three stages set up. There is a
large maypole in the center, and they’re currently

lifting up and tethering these large colorful
streamers of multiple colors. People are gathering

baskets of flowers. A few get tossed and you catch
it, and they’re made of cloth. You get the sense

here that they don’t have access to a lot of fresh
flowers here in Hupperdook based on the rocky

terrain and the perpetual tossing of soot and ash
into the atmosphere. Also, if the celebration is

that often they probably continue to reuse the
same elements over and over again. As you come

over into this corner, there are bands starting to
play, music being set up on the outside, people

are starting to sit down with blankets and
families are starting to gather in this area. To

your left, you see the large ivory archway with
the ivy that’s twisting across the top of it.

Rissa reaches and tugs your hands to the left to
gear the cart in that direction and goes, “All

"right, Blushing Tankard right up this way.”
There’s more laughter and there are two vendors

now on the outside, one of which is currently
selling flower necklaces or bands. The other has

clusters of sparklers and firecrackers.

TRAVIS: There’s some of them now. Am I stopping?

MARISHA: Just keep it going, I’m just going to–
and I just roll off.

TALIESIN: I’ll follow.

LAURA: Beau, get me some too, Beau! Get me some,
too.

MARISHA: Okay, I go up to the sparklers and
firecrackers.

MATT: You walk up, and there’s a young gnomish man
in what would be the equivalent of his late teens,

or early twenties, got a very prominent Adam’s
apple, and very thin for some of the gnomes you’ve

seen around there. He glances up to you, holding a
small barrel filled with various small-scale

explosives. “Hi, can I help you?”

MARISHA: I want three of everything.

MATT: “Three, all right. I’ll just get this
together.”

MARISHA: How much comes in a pack?

MATT: “Well, do you want three of everything, or do
you want a pack?”

MARISHA: They come in packs?

TRAVIS: We’re going to lose a finger before the
night’s done.

SAM: Did you just change your shirt, Travis?

TRAVIS: Yeah, bitch.

SAM: How did that happen?

TRAVIS: Hocus pocus, motherfucker.

SAM: Sorry, focus!

MATT: “Packs of ten.”

MARISHA: Ten? Ten sparklers or ten poppers?

MATT: “Packs for both of ten.”

MARISHA: Yeah, I want one of each. Pack of each.

MATT: “All right, pack of each. That will be five
silver.”

MARISHA: Okay, thank you.

TRAVIS: I slow down just a little bit and give her
time.

SAM: I don’t think she’s coming.

MARISHA: Then I also get a flower necklace for
Jester.

MATT: “Oh that’s–” on the other side, the next
person over there, a portly-looking fellow in his

middle ages or so, resting inside of his neck,
rescinded inside. “Hi, yeah, the flowers are going

to run about five copper per string. So do you
want just one?”

MARISHA: I’ll, ah–

TRAVIS: Bring him with us!

MATT: He’s got a bunch of them tied up in his
hair and hanging off his neck.

MARISHA: Do you also do braids?

MATT: “Braids are across the way over there. Cindy
does the braids.”

MARISHA: I’ll just take one.

MATT: “All right, that’s five copper, thank you.”

TRAVIS: Please tell me he has a shortsword and can
fight.

MATT: You’re going to keep collecting pathetic
characters to fight with you?

TRAVIS: Yes, please, bring Kiri and that guy I’ll
be happy every fight.

MATT: It’s the best front line you can hope for.

MARISHA: I catch up, and I give Jester the flower
necklace.

TRAVIS: As she starts to roll up I go: Hyah! And
just take off.

MARISHA: (grunting)

LAURA: Oh, no I’m get– (grunting) Is that for me?
Beau, its beautiful!

MARISHA: It looked like you. I’m sorry if it
smells weird.

LAURA: Wait, I guess it’d have to be like this.
It’s beautiful!

MARISHA: I take out one of the poppers, and I throw
it! On the ground, what happens?

MATT: (bouncing)

MARISHA: Shit! I jump out, and I go pick it up,
it’s too valuable. I run back.

MATT: You go back and look at it, and you realize
there is actually a tiny little fuse on it.

MARISHA: Oh, there’s a process, okay. I jump back
on. Caleb, light it!

LIAM: No, you throw it.

MARISHA: Okay! Oh, like skeet shooting!

LIAM: Yeah, throw it in the air.

MARISHA: Okay! (whoosh)

LIAM: Fire Bolt.

MATT: Roll for an attack.

SAM: Fire Bolt?

TRAVIS: It incinerates the fiber.

LIAM: Pretty good. That’s 19 plus something.

MATT: You don’t even have to roll damage. She
tosses it in the air and it arcs, this tiny little

firecracker, this little gray rod and then this
little streak of flame fires up and hits it. It

detonates with this loud pop! sound and you see
sparks around it. It dissipates a moment after and

in the vicinity, about seven or eight nearby
gnomes, two of which children, all go, “(gasp)

"Yeah!” Start clapping and cheering.

MARISHA: You see that? I’m their hero.

LIAM: How did you do it?

TRAVIS: Yeah, different fingers, but sure. I like
it.

MARISHA: This is amazing, these could be useful.

LIAM: For shits and giggles or what do you have
in mind?

MARISHA: For distractions. We could do that again
and like when we’re fighting people–

TRAVIS: Diversions.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: Sure, it went very good in the swamp with
that little one.

SAM: Well. Can I have one to examine?

TRAVIS: Say no.

SAM: You have a bunch of them.

MARISHA: How many is in a pack?

MATT: Ten, so you have nine now.

MARISHA: I might have to get more before we leave
this town.

LAURA: I think that’s smart.

SAM: Matt, how much do we know about black
powder?

MATT: Well, communally, not much at all. You, make
an intelligence check and have advantage because

of your alchemical history.

SAM: Okay, I’ll take the first roll.
Intelligence?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: 18.

MATT: You know it’s had minor applications for a
while, but it’s only really been applied in very

condensed and common use for, like the explosives
you found in the mine, clearing out spaces in

underground caverns, or for the detonation of
localized rocks that are in the way of paths

trying to be put in mountain ranges. Small scale
black powder like this you haven’t encountered,

really, so this seems to be a relatively new use
of this particular compound.

SAM: Up to this point, it’s been rare that I or
we’ve come across anything?

MATT: You’ve barely come across it at all. You’ve
read about it. Actually, the dynamite sticks you

found in the mine were probably the first ones you
encountered in your experience. Not a lot of use

for it in the small farming town of Felderwin.

LAURA: Would I have seen fireworks before in
Nicodranas?

MATT: You have before, but they’re saved for very
rare occasions, like the coming of a ship that’s

been long gone from shore or particular times of
the year for celebrations they would go off and

for that in particular they would put ship barges
out on the water and they would fire them up from

the waterfront. Having it this close is intense
and even that small burst right there, there was a

flash of heat that you haven’t really had before
and it’s really exciting.

LIAM: Are we just in an ocean of gnomes; is it
like 98% gnomes all around us?

MATT: Most everyone you see here is gnomish.
You’ve seen a handful of dwarves, that’s the next

prominent people that live here and then a
smattering of human and half-elf. Right now, you

guys have just come to the outside of The Blushing
Tankard.

LIAM: I’m traveling with my hood up, minor detail,
as you were.

LAURA: Let’s go inside!

TRAVIS: Yeah, we’re here. Is there a hitching post
in the front?

MATT: There is.

TRAVIS: Yeah! Hitch up the horses.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: You think it’s safe? I don’t think it’s
safe.

TRAVIS: They seem real jovial-like.

LIAM: When people have libations they get up to
hijinks at night, and that seems like the main activity here.

TRAVIS: You want to go in and secure us some
rooms, and I’ll watch the carriage. Figure out if

there’s somewhere else we need to keep it?

LIAM: I pull out the silver thread and I start
going around the horses.

TRAVIS: Oh! Or that.

LAURA: Hey Nott, have you ever been dancing
before?

SAM: Have I ever been dancing before? Like to a
place like this?

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: I’ve danced.

LAURA: Okay, just making sure.

SAM: Why, are we dancing?

LAURA: I figure we’re going to dance tonight.

TALIESIN: Probably inevitably.

SAM: All right. I might need some liquor.

MATT: You guys, leaving Caleb and– you’re staying
with Caleb while he sets up the perimeter.

TRAVIS: Yeah, while he does the string.

SAM: Do we need to choreograph something?

LAURA: (gasps) We probably should. We should
probably get Kiri involved.

SAM: That sounds adorable.

LAURA: Come on Kiri.

TALIESIN: Definitely going to need a drink for
this.

TRAVIS: We’re going to lose her tonight.

MATT: As you guys enter the Blushing Tankard
Tavern, it is one of the larger taverns you’ve

been in. The floor space has 20 or so round tables
scattered amongst the floor. There is a stage in

the far back where the music hasn’t quite started
yet, but there are musicians setting up. You can

see a violinist who’s currently tuning. There is a
piano in the back, and outside a couple of taverns

you saw in Zadash, and your experiences from when
you were on the coast, pianos aren’t as common in

tavern spaces. Usually reserved for the upper
class, for private performances or higher-end

social events. However, the tables are filling up
already, people are rushing in there. Food is

passed around left and right. In the back, there’s
a group of gnomes that are currently clapping the

ground on their table, singing some sort of tune,
a shanty. One of them is up on the table, clapping

his legs there. One of the barmaids comes by and
slaps him. “Get off the table!”

LAURA: This place is great!

SAM: It’s really nice.

MATT: What would you guys like to do?

MARISHA: Try to get some rooms.

TALIESIN: Let’s get some rooms and stow our stuff
and get out there.

LAURA: I want to go try to play the piano.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Right away?

LAURA: Yes!

SAM: Do you play the piano?

LAURA: I’ve played it a little bit at home.

LIAM: I want to listen. I’m going to sit close
by.

MARISHA: Molly and I will go.

LAURA: I have a lot of really good songs that I
learned when I was growing up. I’m going to sit

down and try to play Chopsticks.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and make a performance
check.

LAURA: Oh yeah, it’s an eight!

MATT and LAURA: (poorly playing Chopsticks)

MATT: There’s a few moments of this going on
before you suddenly hear this (throat clearing).

You turn over your left shoulder and
there is a half-elven gentlemen in a very nice

doublet, who is currently holding a handful of
sheet music. “Um, you’re at my piano.”

LAURA: (poorly playing Chopsticks)

MATT: He twitches at the off-tune hammering of the
keys. “I’ll be right back.” He turns around and

wanders off for the moment, clearing his ear with
his pinky. You guys go to get rooms?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: You head to the front, it’s a very long bar
that wraps around the right side of the entire

chamber. It has two hatches that can open up. From
the inside, you see two individuals. You see a

male gnome with a massive mane of red hair. Clean
shaven, middle age, and he’s smiling and running

around, getting drinks, sliding them down the bar,
filling things. He’s the gnomish redhead

equivalent of Tom Cruise. Spinning the bottles and
pouring them out. On the other side you see a

female dwarf, with this awesome, well-kept,
chinstrap beard who has beautiful eye makeup on

and this very colorful, silk, billowing blouse
that tapers at the wrist with a flourish. She’s

currently filling out drink and snack orders, and
they’re both workhorses. They both have smiles on

their faces, and they’re chatting with regulars.
You haven’t quite caught their eye yet, they’re in

the midst of other business.

LAURA: Did you say she was a dwarf?

MATT: A dwarf, yeah.

MARISHA: Who do we talk to? Do we talk to the
gnome or the dwarf?

TALIESIN: Whichever one we catch the eye of
first.

MARISHA: Yeah, we should do the bar lean in
thing.

TALIESIN: All right, I’m in.

MARISHA: Shove some other people around, do that
thing.

MATT: For the hell of it, both of you guys roll
charisma checks, please.

TALIESIN: Oh, this is going to be funny.

MARISHA: Something we’re great at. Just straight
checks?

MATT: Just roll a d20 and add your charisma
modifier.

TRAVIS: That dice just is the biggest tease.

TALIESIN: Want to go at the same time?

MARISHA: It rocks back and forth. Okay.

TALIESIN: Three, two, one. Six.

MARISHA: Eight.

MATT: So the better part of 15 minutes pass of you
guys waiting there and being overlooked until

eventually the dwarf woman stops and goes, “All
right, sorry about that, didn’t see you there.

"You’re a bit higher than the usual folk. What can
I do for you?”

MARISHA: That seems oddly backwards. We need a
couple of rooms, a few rooms, a handful of rooms.

And some drinks.

MATT: “Both of those can be done, lassie.”

MARISHA: How many rooms do we need? Three, four?

TALIESIN: (counting)

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Four.

MATT: “Four rooms, all right. Let’s see then.
That’s one gold piece per room per night.”

TALIESIN: I just put down four gold pieces.

MARISHA: Does it come with amenities? Does it have
a mini bar? Do you charge?

MATT: “This is the mini bar, my dear. But don’t
worry. We can bring drinks up, we can bring

"companions up, we can bring what you need up, just
let us know.”

TALIESIN: You’re in a tourist town; things are
going to cost something.

MARISHA: All right.

LIAM: On the other side of the bar I cast Haste on
Jester while she is playing the piano.

LAURA: I want to start playing The Entertainer.

MATT: All right.

SAM: (playing The Entertainer)

MATT: But really fast.

SAM and LAURA: (speedily playing The Entertainer)

MATT: It’s impressive. A little off-key, but
overall impressive, the speed of the composition.

Right as she starts crescendoing, about to get to
the quiet part (speedily playing The Entertainer),

a hand slams down on the keys, and that same
half-elven gentlemen leans in once more and goes,

“If I might please request my instrument returned
to me, my dear.”

LAURA: This is a really good piano.

MATT: “Thank you.”

LAURA: You should be really proud it’s yours.

MATT: “I am.”

LAURA: Do you have a tip jar?

MATT: “I have a tipping hat.” He pulls off from
the side this wide-brimmed hat that comes to a

point in the front and floppy in the back, and he
sets it up on top of the piano.

LAURA: I really think the first couple tips should
be to me because I really set up the room for you.

MATT: “Well then, I certainly hope the first few
tips come while you’re at the bench.”

LAURA: Fabulous.

MATT: And he sits down at the bench and pushes you
off of it.

LIAM: I toss one gold in and say: This one’s for
the lady. Very good.

LAURA: Did you see?

MATT: “I saw.” Cracks his knuckles, sets his music
down in front, starts getting ready. The other

performers to the side are watching this out of
the corner of their eye and laughing. They’re

enjoying the tension that’s brewing.

LAURA: I run over and give Caleb a kiss on the
cheek. Thank you, Caleb.

MATT: You guys get your rooms situated. As the
keys are being passed out to the different rooms,

drinks are being handled. “So are you looking for
something strong or something strong?”

TALIESIN: Amaze me, baffle me, make me forget
where I am.

MATT: She leans into you and goes “I like you.
You’re colorful.”

TALIESIN: Bless you. You’re colorful yourself. I
love everything you’re wearing.

MATT: “Thank you. First one’s on me, how about
that?”

TALIESIN: Bless you. I’ll happily pay for hers as
well because I want to drink her under the fucking table.

MATT: “Hold that till later on. That event’s not
till later tonight.”

TALIESIN: What happens later tonight? Other than
more drink.

MATT: “Is this your first time here?”

TALIESIN: Are we that obvious?

MATT: “A bit. Well, we have some performances
going on, and then we have our contest. Our weekly

"Hour of Honor. So just don’t drink too much if
you’re looking to compete.” She pops the top

button off the top of her blouse and gives a
better look at her dwarven cleavage.

LAURA: I love that you did it.

TALIESIN: Brava!

MATT: I realized that I could do it as I was doing
it. As she does that, she reaches down and pulls

out a dark red glass bottle with a large cap,
which she pulls off. This tiny glass, passes it

over to you, and you look at it. You’re used to
seeing liquid splash quite often, this sloshes at

a slower pace. It’s a thicker liquor.

TALIESIN: I dip a finger.

MATT: It’s surprisingly sweet. Strong, the burn
kicks in afterward. You like it.

TALIESIN: Shoot or sip?

MATT: “That’s up to you.”

MARISHA: Sorry to interrupt your incessant
flirting. Can I please have a damn drink?!

MATT: “Would you like one of the same?”

MARISHA: Yes, one of the same, yes!

MATT: “All right, that’ll be five silver pieces.”

MARISHA: I thought he paid for me; I thought you
paid for me.

TALIESIN: I am paying for you. I just put a gold
down. Keep the tip as well.

MATT: “Oh my goodness, thank you!” She puts it in
her cleavage. Pours you another shot of it as

well, hands it over.

MARISHA: I just kill the whole thing.

MATT: All right, it burns, but it’s good. It’s
like a sweet thick honey liquor that coats the

throat, and the coating at first feels nice until
the burn hits.

MARISHA: It’s kind of medicinal.

TALIESIN: Challenge accepted. (satisfied grunt)

MATT: It’s good.

TRAVIS: Caleb and I have come in at this point and
I turn to Caleb and go: I feel like I may be

regretting my roommate choice tonight. It’s just a
hunch. I think he’s in his element.

LIAM: Well, the odds are that you are not going to
even see him in your room tonight, so I wouldn’t

worry about it so much.

TRAVIS: You think? He’ll just like tear into the
night and maybe not come back until the sun comes up?

LIAM: He’s like a coyote. You know what that is?

TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s like–

LIAM: (funny accent) Diplomatic Immunity.

(laughter)

SAM: (funny accent) I don’t know what that means.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Wow. Okay.

TRAVIS: I do.

LIAM: Yeah, they like to fuck a lot is my point.

TRAVIS: I thought those were rabbits.

MARISHA: I thought so, too.

TRAVIS: We’re going to have to work on our
analogies, I feel like there is something missing

here. Yeah, okay, a bunny coyote.

MARISHA: That sounds cute.

TRAVIS: It does sound cute.

LIAM: But if you want a quieter evening, you can
certainly share the room with Nott and I for once.

It’s probably not as raucous a room, but you’re
welcome to it.

TRAVIS: Yeah, just in case he goes full monty, I
might have like a secret knock or something.

LAURA: Where did Yasha go?

MATT: Yasha is with you, but the player’s in
Japan, filming. As you glance around, Yasha’s

sitting towards the back, and towering over most
of the clientele here, and not necessarily

uncomfortable, but unsure what to make of the
jovial atmosphere. There is the faint corner of a

smile, but the awkward, anxious smile of not
knowing what to do and afraid to step any

direction and crush somebody.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

TALIESIN: She’s turning on the charm.

TRAVIS: Fair enough, I appreciate that.

LAURA: There are four rooms.

MARISHA: I really like it when she crosses her
arms like that, it makes her biceps look good.

LAURA: So Molly can have a room all to his own, if
he really wants to, you know (clicking) (whistle).

TRAVIS: Oh.

TALIESIN: Oh, are we talking about that, I’m not
going to invade your space if you don’t need it,

don’t worry about it.

TRAVIS: No, I mean half of me’s interested, the
other half’s terrified, so I’m just kind of curious.

TALIESIN: And if you drink enough, you won’t
remember either way.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: At this point, Rissa’s like, “Well, if
you’ve got your rooms taken care of, we’re looking

"for a place to sit, then.” She glances past and
you can see patrons are starting to get really

rowdy. They have these rope-hung chandeliers in
three different spots, and you can see one person

is jumped up onto one and is hanging back and
forth off of it. Some people are like, “Yeah!” All

of a sudden, the dwarf woman at the bar goes, “Oh,
for the love of–” clambers over with a speed you

didn’t expect from her, rushes over and grabs the
ankle and tears him down, off onto the ground.

“Not in my bar!”

MARISHA: You know, I’ve never seen anyone
actually swing from a chandelier. I just thought

it was a metaphor.

TALIESIN: No, that’s entirely something you can
do. It’s more common than you’d think.

LAURA: Is it allowed in other bars?

MATT: Are you talking to Rissa? “I imagine if
they’re not paying attention.”

TALIESIN: There was some pub. I don’t remember
what town I was in, but I do remember the pub

because it was actually called the Swinging
Chandelier. I don’t remember what town it was,

though. But it was a great pub. It had the best
chandelier.

MATT: “My gnomish eyes spot what looks to be one
open table across the way, right there.” Rissa

points, and you can see, past the way, there’s one
table that two people are just getting up from and leaving.

SAM: I will dart at full speed, full dash to get
that table.

MATT: You and Rissa go into a full run. You
beating her easily. You get to the table and scoot

into the side. As she approaches, you watch as two
male gnomes intercept her, and block her path. One

of them goes, “Uh-uh, sorry Tinkertop, table’s not
for you.” She goes, “Fuck off, Fitz! I’ve worked

"hard enough. I saw this table fair and square.”
The other one goes, “You don’t work, Tabletop,

"just like your brain-sick dad. This table’s for
working folk.” Fitz glances over and says, “Go ask

"your pops to make you a table to drink at alone.
Might buy you an hour before it breaks.”

TALIESIN: I’m going to walk right into the middle
of this. Gentle persons, are you harassing our

employee right now?

MATT: They both look wildly confused. “No, no.”

TALIESIN: We have employed the services of this
person right here, and I would agree that you

should probably leave right now and get another
table for yourselves.

MATT: Make an intimidation check.

TALIESIN: Nope, that’s a four.

MATT: As you lean forward in that tense glare, a
little bit of a liquor-based burp comes up

abruptly and breaks the intensity of the moment.
“Oh, someone’s starting early, not too bad. No,

"from what I’ve heard about these folks, their
blood’s fire, but on the inside they’re nothing

but cold and clammy.” He goes and flicks the edge
of your nose, these two little gnomish punks.

TALIESIN: (demonic voice)

LAURA: I use my tail to–

TALIESIN: If you want to go, too, at the same
time. I say a little bit of Infernal, and I’m

going to use a blood maledict and make him go
blind for a second.

LAURA: I was going to smack him on the ass with my
tail at the same time.

MATT: All right, which one?

LAURA: I’ll do the other one.

TALIESIN: The one on the left for me.

MATT: The one that just flicked you in the nose,
his eyes go black and you can see the bit of

crimson pooling at the corner of the eyes. He
goes, (stuttering), stumbles back, and hits the

stool, and falls onto his ass. “What’s going
on?!”

SAM: I’m going to jump on top of him and start
rifling through his pockets.

TALIESIN: Thank you. I was hoping for it.

MATT: Go ahead and make a sleight of hand check.

TRAVIS: The table, Sam, the table!

SAM: 23. No, 27.

MATT: You manage to pull six silver pieces and
three gold pieces out of his pocket.

SAM: Anything other than money?

MATT: Right now, no. Strangely enough, it’s only
money, and only that amount.

LIAM: I’m watching Nott, and as soon as I see that
she has found everything that she is looking for,

I’ve got the copper wire ready, and I mutter
through it, to the one on the ground: They’re

going to kill you. You have to run, now.

MATT: The one that gets slapped in the ass by
Jester is like, (stuttering) “I apologize. Rissa,

"we didn’t know,” reaches over and goes and grabs
the friend. As soon as Nott jumps on and starts

thrashing around on him, “Get that thing–” goes
and pushes you off of its body, picks up the other

gnome. At this point, his eyes come back, and the
little strings of blood are curling down the side

of his cheek. He goes, “What happened?”

TALIESIN: Some people can’t hold their liquor.
It’s really embarrassing.

LAURA: It’s sad, really.

MATT: They both just get lost into the crowd.

LAURA: No, stay, play with us longer!

MATT: Rissa looks over her shoulder at them leave
and (laughing).

TRAVIS: Wow, that took a turn fast.

TALIESIN: I like the way that worked out.

MATT: “Me too, indeed!”

SAM: Who were they?

MATT: “Fitz and Ashton. They’re both a couple of
punks. I’ve known them since I was a kid.”

TRAVIS: They called you “Tabletop.”

MATT: “Well, Tinkertop.”

TRAVIS: Tinkertop.

TALIESIN: Both equally mysterious.

LAURA: Wait. So your dad is, what, rich or
something?

MATT: “Eh–”

LAURA: It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s okay if
he is.

MATT: She curls into the bench around the table
and leans one shoulder onto it. “My father’s an

inventor, a tinkerer of some renown at one time.
He’s had a rough few years.”

TRAVIS: He said he was brain-sick.

MATT: “That’s just him being an arsehole.”

LAURA: What kind of stuff does he make?

MATT: “All sorts of things, toys, contraptions,
occasionally whatever he’s told to make by the

"Starosta, but he’s just a bumbling twat, really.”

LAURA: Can we meet him?

MATT: He’s probably in nap time right now.
Tomorrow, maybe?

LAURA: Okay!

MARISHA: I bring over a round of drinks for
everybody.

MATT: Another round of just traditional ale drinks
for everybody would probably run you, we’ll say

three silver pieces. As you guys gather around for
a second, Rissa livens up a bit after that

conversation. “But anyway, you’ve asked me a bit
about myself, what about you? What are you here

"for? What brings you to this godforsaken place?”

TRAVIS: We’re actually here for a spot of work.

MATT: “Looking for work?”

LAURA: Yes, of course, work, that’s what we’re
doing.

SAM: Not looking for work, we’re just on a job.

TRAVIS: I said for a spot of work.

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Oh, yes.

LIAM: Honestly, the name really sells this place.
We have been fascinated with it for quite some time.

MATT: “That’s not the first time we’ve heard
that.”

LAURA: I was really hoping you would have houses
of mushrooms. Do you have any?

MATT: “I’m just going to call that unintentional
ignorance, but, no, gnomes don’t live in

"mushrooms. Don’t be saying that around here very
loudly, not all folks will be taking kindly to that.”

LIAM: She’s set in her ways.

LAURA: No, I just thought Hupperdook sounded like
a mushroom sort of town.

TRAVIS: Didn’t she just say not to–

LAURA: I’m going to stop, though.

SAM: They prefer the term “toadstools.”

MARISHA: I somehow feel like that’s worse.

MATT: She grabs one of the tankards and starts
drinking heavily from it. “Anyway!” The music

begins to kick in even louder. The celebration has
kicked into a second gear here, once I can find

the music transition.

MARISHA and TRAVIS: (heavy metal guitar melodies)

TALIESIN: Oh, so it’s the Noise Room. (heavy bass
thudding)

MATT: The crowd begins to hush for a moment. From
one of the back rooms, a door opens and a range of

brightly-colored gnome dancers come rushing into
the room to a swell of cheers and applause. You

see four dancers emerge, across the spectrum of
gender, and take to tabletops and begin to stomp

and click their feet to the rhythm of the music.
The musicians begin to finally pick up and build.

The pianist you met earlier is starting to make
his music happen. It’s beautiful and echoes

through the room, the placement of it. You get the
sense now, whether it be some enchantment or some

intentional acoustic presence in the room, but the
music carries well and seems to bleed from

everywhere. As the dancers are up on the tables,
these silk scarves rainbow-colored, from their

arms, twirl into large circles and shapes, and
they have this worked out, fantastic choreography

in unison. They begin to leap from tabletop to
tabletop in a circular fashion, making these large

arching foot leaps and landing again. Folks cheer
with each land, the music whirring itself into a

frenzy. Folks are starting to toss coins towards
them on the table. They, in the middle of it, will

spin, catch one and pocket it and move back into
the dance. You get the sense this a very practiced

and fairly often performed as to how well-oiled
this machine of a performance is.

LIAM: They are almost as nimble as you.

MARISHA: What?

LAURA: I toss a silver.

MATT: Snatched out of the air.

TALIESIN: I toss two at the same time.

MARISHA: I see if I catch one. Missile Snare. I’m
going to try to catch one of Molly’s coins.

TRAVIS: Did you just take a dancer’s tip?

MATT: Make a dexterity check. This is going to be
a contested dexterity check between you and a dancer.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m into it. Especially if it
fails, please!

MARISHA: Natural one.

TALIESIN: Yeah!

TRAVIS: That’s justice.

MARISHA: It is.

MATT: As you reach for the coin, your fingers
almost touch it before everything goes dark as a

wooden shoe-covered foot (slamming) across your
face from the dancer who catches it between two

fingers, looks down, retracts the foot, and as you
get your vision back and look up, the dancer gives

you a wink and goes back into a spin.

MARISHA: I wink back. You know, I kind of liked
that. It was kind of hot.

MATT: As the dancers begin to gather, leaping from
table to table, they start getting closer to the

center of the room. They begin to spin together
until eventually they clasp hands. Some of the bar

hands grab the tables and start pushing them
together in the center, telling the patrons to

step back a bit. As they do, the circle continues
to get tighter as they leap from table to table,

holding each other wrist to wrist, arm to arm. As
they do, the silks are billowing out and you can

see them extending. The silks they’ve been holding
seem to have been a bunch hidden within their

sleeves. As they billow out, they widen until
it’s like a parachute of rainbow colors that just

spin in this circle. It completely engulfs them;
all you see is the tip of their heads within this

swirl of color until eventually the music comes to
a climax and with a heavy stomp, all the colors

fade, and the dancers bow. Everyone in the room
starts cheering and clapping.

(applause)

TRAVIS: Hot damn!

MATT: The dancers smile and step off, walking
around with hats in the front, taking tips from

people at tables as they adjust the tables back to
their original point. Everyone else goes back to

their meals, and you see them tossing the odd
copper or silver piece into their hats.

SAM: I don’t know if we can learn that dance.

LAURA: I think we can do it.

SAM: Let’s just work on something simple. We’re
going to take a moment to work out a couple of

moves in case it comes up. Just some basic hand
moves.

MATT: Kiri is off to the side. (chirping)

LAURA: We can have her stand on one shoulder
each–

SAM: I’m much shorter than you.

LAURA: I’ll be on my knees. Then we can do these
things. Kiri can have a ribbon, and she’ll do this

while we do it.

SAM: I like it.

LAURA: It’s basically the same as what they just
did.

SAM: Caleb maybe can do some special effects.

LIAM: Will it be dark where we are doing this? I
worry about– you know what I worry about.

SAM: Maybe I should sit it out.

LIAM: No, it just depends on the situation. This
happens all over the city, outside, everywhere, ja?

MATT: “For the most part, yeah. As the evening
goes on it tends to gather around the places where

"drink is running freely, until everyone passes
out, then wakes up, hair of the dog, usually takes

"himself a bit of Fuse and then gets back to
work.”

TRAVIS: A bit of Fuse?

MATT: “A Fuse is the hair of the dog drink that we
brew here to get everyone waking up and back to work.”

TRAVIS: I know what Molly’ll be having in a couple
hours.

MATT: “I don’t know how it’s going to mingle well
with non-gnomish tracts, but I’m willing to watch and try.”

TALIESIN: I’m very excited to find out.

MATT: “Me too.” (laughs)

TRAVIS: Rissa, can I ask you about the– what’s it
called– honor hour that comes up later?

MATT: “Hour of Honor?”

TRAVIS: Hour of Honor, yeah. What’s that about?

MATT: “Look over there.” She points to the far
wall, and they’re starting to set up lights on it,

these glowing lanterns they have on pikes. It’s a
collection of wooden name plates. She goes, “Once

"a week, there’s a contest where the previous
holders of the Hour of Honor can take challenges.

"Whoever provides the most monetary amount to the
challenge gets to go one-on-one with their team,

"drink to drink, until only one’s left un-puking or
un-passed out.”

SAM: A team drinking competition?

MATT: “The remainder gets the coin, I think a
percentage goes to the house and gets to take the

"title and a token. That token is worth a free
drink to each member of that team in this bar

"every night.”

LAURA: Every night?

LIAM: It is almost like a drunken CrossFit gym.
I’m sorry. It is almost like a CrossFit gym.

TRAVIS: There you go.

LAURA: We should probably do that. For this, I
would make an exception.

TRAVIS: It could cost a lot of money.

LAURA: How much?

TRAVIS: Well, he said whoever contributes the most
monetarily gets to take a shot at the honor.

LAURA: How much do people usually contribute?

LIAM: I have two gold.

MATT: “From what I’ve seen, it can depend on if
people are that interested or that competitive.

"Some folks put up the few gold they’ve earned for
a few days if they’re feeling lucky. I’ve seen

"people put upwards of 20, 25 gold sometimes, which
is quite a sizable sum.”

LAURA: Are you a big drinker, Rissa?

MATT: “I can hold my weight, but I’m not much of a
competitor, if that’s what you’re asking.”

TRAVIS: Is it happening relatively soon, or do we
have a few more hours to explore a bit? I just

have the feeling if we were to engage, that all
activities after that would not be documented in

the ol’ brain so well.

MATT: You’ve probably been here for the better
part of an hour or two, just getting your paces,

having drinks and taking in the performances and
the music. “I’d say you probably have another hour

"before it begins.”

TALIESIN: Want to do a little runaround?

TRAVIS: I figure, if we’re going to do that.

TALIESIN: I think we’re going to do that.

TRAVIS: All right.

MARISHA: Let’s go. Who’s going to put Kiri either
on their shoulders, or we need to–

TRAVIS: To bed!

LAURA: We can’t put her to bed!

TRAVIS: Why not?

LAURA: Because she’ll just come out of the room.
Won’t you, Kiri?

SAM: Why would she come out of the room?

TALIESIN: Because Hupperdook.

LAURA: Because there’s so much noise and stuff.

TALIESIN: It’s family friendly.

TRAVIS: There’s no drop-off daycare. Is there a
daycare here, Rissa?

MATT: (like Jester) “I am Kiri.”

TRAVIS: Oh, god.

LAURA: Yes, you are very sweet.

MATT: (like Jester) “Yes, I am very sweet.”

LIAM: Perhaps our feathered friend is a little
more important than the horses and I could leave

my threads around her room and she would be safe
there. I would know if there was a problem.

MATT: (like Caleb) “Doesn’t matter, though.”

LIAM: No, but it does matter, because you are a
young child and you need to get your rest, and we

are going to be doing things that are, quite
frankly, not for your eyes.

MATT: (like Jester) “Okay.”

LAURA: She would come out of the room. I know her.

MATT: (like Jester) “I know her.”

MARISHA: What if we get her one of those child
leashes?

SAM: Ooh! They said that they would send someone
to the room, right, Molly?

TALIESIN: Did they?

SAM: Didn’t you say that they would send someone
to the room?

LIAM: We could get a babysitter.

SAM: Like a babysitter. You could pay one of their
women to watch our little Kiri.

TALIESIN: I have done some ridiculous things in my
life; that might take the top of it, though.

SAM: They’re working women; we rent them for a
time.

MATT: Rissa, at this point, goes, “Well,
first off, you’re assuming they’re all women.”

SAM: Oh yeah, that’s true! We could get a sturdy,
strapping gigolo man to go up there and

watch out for Kiri!

LAURA: I don’t think that’s a bad idea.

TRAVIS: Rissa, do you know how much one of these
evening companions might run per hour?

MATT: “I can honestly say I do not. Sorry.”

TRAVIS: Should I go ask?

SAM: Yes.

TRAVIS: Yes, all right, fine. I’ll be right back.
I’ll make my way up to the bar, to the one with the–

TALIESIN: I’ve got an idea. I’ve got an idea.
There is one member of our party who is probably

not going to want to go out and see this
ridiculousness.

SAM: She is a wallflower tonight.

MARISHA: She does seem very uncomfortable, yeah.

TRAVIS: I still want to check the price, so I go
up to the bar.

MATT: As you approach the bar, the dwarven woman,
who’s in the process of cleaning a spill on the

side, looks over and sees you and does a
triple-take, like– “Well, would you look at this

"strapping mass of green and tooth.” (laughter)

TRAVIS: Thank you kindly, ma'am.

MATT: “What can I do for you?”

TRAVIS: It’s a little early in the evening, but I
thought I might get a head start and inquire what

some friendship might run me.

MATT: “Mighty forward, but I can’t say I’m not
interested. I’ve got a few more hours on my shift,

"but if you hang around–”

TRAVIS: I would hate to remove you from your
duties. Plus, my companions are also interested in

the same. You said there might be–

MATT: “Well, it’s been a while since I’ve–”

TRAVIS: Oh! No, yeah, let me clarify. (stammering)
I need–

MATT: She goes and starts pouring herself a
drink.

TRAVIS: Multiples– not multiples! I need
individual companions for my friends, not just

your beautiful self.

MATT: “How many?”

TRAVIS: Three.

MATT: “Three companions? All right. I have to go
and connect with a friend here and see what’s

"available, but that’s certainly doable.”

TRAVIS: Great, and do you know how much that might
run?

MATT: “Well, that depends on what you’re asking
for. Is it only for the hour, is it for the

"evening, what the requests are–”

TRAVIS: Per hour is good, yeah.

MATT: “For an hour? Three? That’d put you about,
say, 20 gold.”

TRAVIS: Boy, that sounds like a fun night.
Outstanding. I will be sure to return. I turn my

head and leave.

LAURA: What did she say?

TRAVIS: That was the most horrible thing I’ve ever
had to do. I’m not prepared to talk to people

about those things.

LAURA: What did she say?

TRAVIS: It’s 20 gold for three people for an
hour.

LAURA: That’s it?

SAM: Three man-hours?

TRAVIS: Nope. At one hour, three people: 20 gold.
So that’s– yeah.

LIAM: Are you all right?

TRAVIS: God, it’s real uncomfortable.

LAURA: Why do we need three people to watch Kiri?

TRAVIS: Look, I was just making shit up on the
fly, all right?

TALIESIN: Yasha, I know you’re not into this. I
know that you want to have a night out. Do you

just want to sit and keep the young one out of
trouble?

MATT: “I can do that, yeah. She’s small. I can
hold her down.”

TALIESIN: It’s going to be fine. That’s a joke.

LIAM: Are you sure? I was planning to go out, but
it’s awkward for me. I thought you would be going.

MATT: “It’s awkward for me, too.”

LIAM: I thought that we could give each other
moral support, you know what I mean?

MATT: “Good, then you go out and have a good time.
I’ll hold the bird down.”

TRAVIS: Is that a phrase, or does she actually
mean she’ll hold the bird down?

TALIESIN: Only one way to find out.

LIAM: I think the child will be dead by the
morning.

LAURA: Kiri, are you cool with staying with Yasha
for the whole night?

MATT: (like Jester) “I can send a message.”

LAURA: Do you promise you won’t try to leave her,
and you won’t try to come out and find us?

MATT: (like Jester) “Okay. I don’t know if it’s
smart.”

LAURA: I don’t think it is either, Kiri!

TRAVIS: Jester, come on. She is just trying to tug
on your heart strings. She’ll be fine.

MATT: (chirping)

LAURA: Oh, I just love her so much.

TRAVIS: I know. She’ll be safe.

LAURA: You be good.

MATT: She holds her little dagger in front of
her.

TALIESIN: I’ll bring you back something, Yash.

MARISHA: Blade pointed down, Kiri. Good job.

MATT: (like Jester) “Okay.”

MARISHA: There we go.

SAM: Caleb, we may need a third person to join our
dance now.

LAURA: Oh, that’s right. Now me and Caleb will do
it. You stand on our shoulders. You wave the ribbon.

LIAM: No, that is not a thing that is happening.
You could ask Beauregard. That’s not going to happen.

SAM: You can’t dance? You’re not a dancer?

LAURA: Have you ever danced, Caleb?

LIAM: Ja.

LAURA: (gasps) You have? I can’t picture you
dancing.

TALIESIN: He’s never going to dance again.

TRAVIS: (singing) He’s never going to dance
again.

MARISHA: There’s too many dance puns!

TALIESIN: You can dance if you want to.

MATT: He’s not going to leave his friends behind.

LIAM: Yeah, that is the key: if I want to. No,
perhaps Beauregard is fleet of foot. She could

round you out.

SAM: Are you sure?

LAURA: But Caleb, we want to dance with you.

TRAVIS: Fucking Pet Sematary up in this bitch.

LIAM: I played with Mommy, and I played with Judd,
and now I going to play with you. I will take a

rain check on that. No thank you, Jester. It is
tempting, but no.

LAURA: We’ll figure it out.

SAM: I guess we can– Beau?

MARISHA: Yeah? No, I know, I’m your second
choice–

SAM: No, third. It was Kiri first, Caleb second.
You’re three.

LAURA: You’re very dexterous and I think you’ll be
a very good dancer.

MARISHA: Feels like you had to reach for that. You
stammered a little.

LAURA: Plus, you have already lots of scarves on
you, so you can do a lot of the things

the people were doing.

TRAVIS: You got scarves on you?

MARISHA: I do have a lot of scarves.

LIAM: No, that’s truthful. It’s obvious how
dexterous you are; you’re just gruff.

LAURA: Yeah! So should we dance in the street?

SAM: We should rehearse. We don’t know when we’re
going to need the dance yet.

TALIESIN: We’re going outside to see what this
place has to offer before it’s time for a drinking

contest that we’ll–

TRAVIS: We’re going to need a beagle to lead the
charge. I’m assuming that’s you?

TALIESIN: (shouting) Onward and outward!

TRAVIS: Jesus. (dog baying)

MATT: As you’re making your way out, the dwarven
lass reaches out in your direction, Fjord, to flag you down.

TRAVIS: Oh! Ma'am.

MATT: “So, just asking: how soon are you wanting
this companionship sent to your rooms, and–” and

her finger’s playing with the front of your armor
on the edge of the bar, and goes, “I could give

"you a discount.”

TRAVIS: (stammering)

LAURA: You know, here’s the thing. He’s already
been with the Ruby of the Sea, so probably nothing

you do could compare to that. Kind of sad,
really.

MATT: “Would you like me to cancel your request,
then?”

TRAVIS: No, no. I’d like to put a deposit down. I
don’t know when we’ll be back. Maybe four gold to

hold the reservation?

LIAM: Ask if there’s a cancellation fee.

TRAVIS: No, I can’t. I’m terrified.

MATT: “All right, I’ll hold on to this until then.
Well, hopefully see you around.” Gives a hint of

grinning stink-eye in your direction, Jester, and
back to Fjord: “Take care of yourself, lad.”

TRAVIS: Yeah, okay.

MARISHA: Did you just put a hooker on layaway?

TRAVIS: I think I did. I feel like I did. Did you
just say I’d been with your mom?!

LAURA: I know. As soon as I said it, it was really
creepy.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s fucked up!

LAURA: But you know what? It was just a power
play, and it didn’t really work out.

MARISHA: I will say, normally being like, “You
slept with my mom” is an insult or something, or

“Don’t talk about my mom.”

LAURA: Yeah, but people that have slept with my
mom are really rich and really powerful, usually,

so it’s a compliment for them.

LIAM: Also, you have to embrace “yes, and,” Fjord.
“Yes, and,” not “no, but.”

SAM: This is good. You have an opportunity for
later, if you choose to use it.

LAURA: Yeah, I could sit in the room and let you
know if they’re any good or not!

LIAM: Are you honestly okay? You seem very
perturbed.

TRAVIS: I’m not real comfortable with this sort of
stuff.

SAM: Have you ever been with someone?

TRAVIS: Yeah, totally.

SAM: Are you sure?

TRAVIS: Yep.

SAM: Insight check.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

(laughter)

LAURA: Oh, that’s pretty good.

SAM: 20.

TRAVIS: I have.

SAM: Okay. He seems to be telling the truth.

TRAVIS: Maybe not many, though.

LAURA: Have you ever paid for anybody before?

TRAVIS: No.

TALIESIN: Like Captain America, not many?

TRAVIS: Yep. Pretty close.

TALIESIN: Frozen in ice, man. It’ll happen.

LIAM: Was it someone special?

TRAVIS: No.

MATT: At this point, Kiri, who’s not that far from
you because you’re still in the bar, says (like

Jester) “Don’t eat humans, okay?” Yasha goes, “I’m
going to take her upstairs,” and heads off to the chamber.

TRAVIS: I’m going to let you guys take the lead on
this. I’m more of a spectator, at this point.

SAM: With the hooker?

TRAVIS: No, I thought we were going out for an
hour!

MARISHA: Sorry, you jumped conversations. You have
to specify.

TRAVIS: Thought we were going to warm up into this
thing!

SAM: With the hooker?

TRAVIS: No, we’re going out for a bit, right?

LAURA: Why did you give them money, though?

MATT: There’s a big, bassy (impact) that you can
feel in your chest. There’s a flash of color

outside, and there, out maybe 20 feet, looking up,
Molly. There’s a flash of the firework in the sky

going across his horns and form.

TALIESIN: (maniacal laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh, jesus. It begins.

SAM: Okay, let’s go make the rounds.

MATT: You walk out in this fair. Most people who
have gathered here, they’re sitting there, they’re

eating food, and they’re watching the fireworks as
they go off. There’s a few folks out there, candle

dancers, they have these light candles, and it’s
this very slow, meticulous dance. They’re moving

in the darkest places of the corner and give this
almost will-o’-wisp-type performance. It’s really

enchanting, and borderline creepy at times, when
you can’t actually make out the forms of the

dancer in the shadow. People are watching and
keeping an intent look on it. Otherwise, the rest

of this thoroughfare is apparently here, though
you’re not sure how much businesses are open,

since most people are in the process of recovering
from a day of business. What do you want to do?

LIAM: Predictably, I would like, as I follow this
group around, to keep one eye open for a bookstore.

SAM: The nerdiest raver.

TRAVIS: Can we get you a card, and hold it up?
Bookstore.

TALIESIN: It needs dónde está la biblioteca?

MATT: What else are you guys going to do?

TALIESIN: I’m looking for vendors. I’m looking for
things that are amusing. Bright lights, colors.

SAM: If there’s any more of those sparklers or
poppers around–

MATT: Oh, yeah. There aren’t a lot of them,
meaning there’s not an endless supply, but you go

back to the same people that are just up the road
to the right from the outside of the tavern. You

can find the same two vendors you spoke with
earlier.

MARISHA: You want to buy them out real fast? Let’s
go!

SAM: Steal some?

MARISHA: We can just pay for it.

TALIESIN: You said there were silk flowers?
There’s fake flowers? I want to see if I can find

the best looking– that New Orleans, Halloween
night, crazy beautiful, overproduced–

MATT: Make an investigation check, and you make a
perception check, Caleb.

TALIESIN: (blows a raspberry) Goddamn it! No.

SAM: That is not the Snitch. Just because it’s
gold, doesn’t mean it’s a Snitch.

MATT: Was it a natural one?

TALIESIN: That was a two.

MATT: Oh, so not quite a natural one. You come
upon a number of vendors that have already given

out all their flowers, so you’re having a hard
time finding anybody that still have any for sale

in this main central area.

TALIESIN: If anybody sees, I’m looking for silk
flowers. Really, something nice. Something super

fancy, if you see anything.

LAURA: I want to look for flowers too, then!

MATT: We’ll come to that in a little bit.

LIAM: I rolled a 19 for Buch.

MATT: Okay, good to keep that in mind as we move
on.

MARISHA: We go pick up some more snappers and
poppers, poppers and snappers.

MATT: You go back to those two vendors. They’re
both set up on the side. The one guy with the

sparklers is still set up there, and the guy with
the fireworks is still resting there on the edge,

and the other guy with the flowers is set up on
the side. There’s one guy with the sparklers and

the fireworks who’s there, the thin, somewhat
dopey-looking, young gnomish guy, and you have the

flower vendor, who’s slowly settled into himself,
like a barrel of a gnome.

MARISHA: Nott, the flower guy’s creepy. Just felt
like throwing that out there before we approach.

SAM: Okay. All right, thank you.

MARISHA: I go up to the snapper and popper guys.

MATT: “Hey! Welcome back.”

MARISHA: Need more packs.

SAM: No. I want something more powerful.

MARISHA: Plus all the packs.

MATT: “I don’t really have anything more powerful
than these.”

MARISHA: Where do you find more powerful?

SAM: Can you make something?

TRAVIS: We’re arms dealing on fucking party
night.

MATT: He’s, at this point, locking eyes with you,
Nott, and there’s like a look of recognition in his face.

SAM: Gulp.

MATT: “I don’t have anything of that variety. I’m
sorry.”

MARISHA: Hey, Nott, do you want to– just stand by
me.

SAM: I swoop back into the shadows and mingle.

TRAVIS: Narc.

MARISHA: Hey, don’t– why are your eyes wandering
at her? What was that?

MATT: “Sorry, we’re closing shop up for the
night.”

MARISHA: No, give me your packs!

MATT: Then he goes and closes up his little
satchel and walks away.

MARISHA: Oh, you piece of shit.

SAM: Sorry, that was my fault.

MARISHA: Hey, don’t ever apologize for who you
are, man.

SAM: No, I–

MARISHA: You can’t help that shit, first off.

SAM: I should have known. I can’t talk to people.

MARISHA: You can’t predict when people are going
to be shitty.

SAM: They’re always shitty. It’s a 100% accurate
prediction.

MARISHA: That’s pretty– that’s a good point.

SAM: By the way, Beau, thank you for the other
day.

MARISHA: When?

SAM: For talking to Caleb through his, you know.

MARISHA: Yeah, he’s a good guy.

SAM: Just be sensitive around him. I know that
that’s not your strong suit, but he doesn’t deal

well with harsh criticism all the time.

MARISHA: And you think you do?

SAM: I’m used to it.

MARISHA: That’s true.

SAM: Tell me something, how did you know about
this place?

MARISHA: Hupperdook?

SAM: Yeah, how did you know that the gnomes here
get down with the funky fresh rhythm all night?

MARISHA: The job that I had before I met up with
you guys, in Zadash, information passes through.

You hear things.

SAM: What job?

MARISHA: I worked at a library, the Cobalt Soul
library.

SAM: What’s a Cobalt Soul?

MARISHA: It is a faction of monks.

SAM: What kind of a faction of monks?

TRAVIS: Is Nott slurring her words?

SAM: Are you evil? Are you a bad guy?

MARISHA: No, I hope not. I think it differs from
day to day, depending on what I’m doing. Do you

think I’m a bad guy?

SAM: I don’t think so.

MARISHA: That’s all that matters, right?

SAM: But I don’t know, you seem to know a lot
about a lot of things and sketchy things, too.

MARISHA: That has to do with the job that I had
before the job that I had.

SAM: What was that job? I thought you grew up–
didn’t your parents make wine or something?

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: What was this about a job? Wait, little
townsgirl, her parents are wine makers, now you’re

a brutal assassin martial artist who can kill
anything. What happened in between those two things?

MARISHA: Yeah, there’s definitely something
missing, right?

SAM: Yeah, right?

MARISHA: Let’s catch up with the others while we
walk and talk.

SAM: Sure.

MARISHA: My dad was super protective and I was an
asshole and rebelled a lot.

SAM: You? No!

MARISHA: Yeah. You know, so when interesting and
different people would pass through my hometown I

started making some connections, started getting
involved in some mainly illegal trading.

SAM: Like what? What kind of stuff?

MARISHA: I got in really big trouble from my
parents because I started syphoning his cases of

wine and selling them underground for half the
cost, without tariffs.

SAM: You were bootlegging your old man’s hooch?

MARISHA: Yes, I was.

TRAVIS: Industrious.

SAM: Wow.

MARISHA: Yeah. On top of other things, that was
like my big denouement, you know? I don’t know, I

just grew to hate the town that I was in and the
system that my father was a part of

and so everything–

SAM: Is he a bad person?

MARISHA: He wasn’t a bad person. I think he just
had bad direction. I don’t know, he could’ve been

a good dad. He was a shitty dad and a good
businessman.

SAM: So you took matters into your own hands?

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: And got in trouble, and were sent off to
boarding school?

MARISHA: Yeah, kind of.

SAM: With monks who are librarians and taught you
how to kill with your fists.

MARISHA: One day, he found out about what I was
doing after I’d already gotten in trouble for, you

know, a little bit of mild extortion, and a little
bit of trading, little bit of trafficking. So I

think he was already pretty irritated with me.
Then he found out about my smuggling scheme with

his wine. One day, he called me down into the
living room and there was a whole group of monks

and people in black. I tried to fight them off and
they grabbed me and they drug me away.

SAM: Wait, this was not by choice? You were
abducted by monks?!

MARISHA: My dad paid to get me abducted by monks,
yeah.

SAM: Oh my gosh.

MARISHA: He wasn’t very proud.

SAM: Are you okay?

MARISHA: Sure. Great.

SAM: Was it hard?

MARISHA: Yeah. I mean, there were elements that
were hard, but everyone has had hardships, right?

What’s it matter? Besides, he sent me off to the
monks. I think he was hoping that they were going

to beat my indiscretions out of me. Instead, I
think all of the things that my father saw in me

that he hated, the monks saw as a potential
advantage. So, in a weird way, I think it might’ve

been the nicest thing he ever did for me.

SAM: I’ve never thought of you as an optimistic
person, but that’s a very positive way of looking at it.

MARISHA: I mean, I still never really want to see
him again, and I don’t think he wants to see me

again, either. In fact, he told that he didn’t
want to see me again. So it’s good. Yeah.

MATT: At this point, you guys are caught up with
the rest of the crowd as you guys have meandered

your way and look up and you can see the rest of
your party has been wandering the street.

MARISHA: But, I do have a nice little wineskin
that I keep reserved, of my family’s wine,

if you want to taste.

SAM: I would. Very much.

MARISHA: I toss Nott the wine.

SAM: I’ll just take a little sip, in case we have
to do the Hour of Power later.

MATT: It’s pretty damn good wine.

SAM: Wow. That’s amazing.

MARISHA: Anybody else wants a sip of my heritage?

TALIESIN: Is that code for something?

LIAM: It is hard to believe, but I was able to do
the– I danced the waltz and the tarantella.

It’s been many years.

LAURA: Well, you should show me sometime, because
I want to see it.

LIAM: I am very much out of practice, and–

LAURA: We can do it when nobody’s watching, okay?

TALIESIN: I could see you as a waltzer. That make
sense.

LIAM: It does. A little bit.

LAURA: I’m really good at the waltz.

LIAM: I believe it.

LAURA: Yeah. They taught me the same time I
learned piano.

LIAM: Is there anything else that you’re hiding
from us? Any other quirks or skills?

LAURA: So many. Lots of skills.

LIAM: What are three more?

LAURA: I can paint. I’m really good at baking
scones. Specifically scones.

TRAVIS: With cinnamon, right?

LAURA: With cinnamon.

MARISHA: Scones are hard to make.

LAURA: I know. It’s a very tough recipe, but I’m
good at it.

SAM: The trick is to not overmix. You don’t want
to overmix. Oh, sorry. We’ve been walking with

your friend, Beau.

LIAM: Wait. Hold that thought. So that’s two
things.

LAURA: Yes.

LIAM: And the third is?

LAURA: The third thing is something that I want to
talk to Fjord about. Because if he’s that

inexperienced, then maybe he should take some
lessons or something.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

SAM: Time is of the essence. He might be with a
lady of the night later tonight. You might have to

teach him quickly.

LAURA: That’s true.

LIAM: And was that skill learned or innate?

SAM: Cram school.

LAURA: No. It really was more of a learning sort
of thing.

LIAM: Yeah, study is key.

LAURA: Yes. It’s all about studying.

LIAM: That’s true.

MATT: At this moment, Caleb, in listening to this
conversation, your eyes focus on a sign post

behind her on a building that reads Bent Binders.

LIAM: I’m done here. I walk towards the store. Is
it open?

MATT: No. The windows are closed.

LIAM: Oh my gosh. I press my nose to the glass and
try to see what I can see. Is there a lot of books

in there? Or just a few books? Or–

MATT: Make a perception check.

LIAM: Okay.

LAURA: I’ll go put my nose next to his nose on the
glass. What are we looking for?

LIAM: That’s a 16.

MATT: As you look through, the combination of the
two of you, eventually the glass fogs up and you

can’t see anything. But from the brief moment you
had, on the inside, it looks like there are a few

shelves that contains some books. It looks like
there is actually a binding press and tools for

bookbinding in there.

LIAM: From what I can tell, does it look like a
technical place where they are just making books

or do they have books for sale?

MATT: It looks like they have books for sale, but
it’s too dark for you to see if they are blank or

if they are actual books at the moment.

LIAM: I cannot tell if it’s a happy or a sad
bookstore.

MATT: You cannot tell yet, no. Just like
Christmas, you must wait ‘til the morning.

(laughter)

LAURA: Are there any silk flowers? I was looking
for those.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TALIESIN and LAURA: Yay!

SAM: Yeah. Tonight, when it doesn’t matter, you
roll great.

LAURA: Shut up. 15.

MATT: Actually, as you guys are fogging up the
window, you pull back and look to the left, and

you can see this adorable little gnome girl with
deep tan skin, her hair pulled in these cute

little puffy buns in the side of her head, and she
has this little basket that is just filled with

these different-colored silk-material flowers.
She’s standing there, smiling, and you can see an

older gnome sitting in a rocking chair behind her
with a big old pipe coming out of his mouth as the

hat is half-covering his face and he’s just
sitting there, rocking next to her.

LAURA: I hop over next to her. (gasps) I’ve been
looking everywhere for you.

MATT: “Really?”

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: “Hi.”

LAURA: You have the best flowers I’ve ever seen
and I would like to buy some.

MATT: “Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much. Okay.”

LAURA: How much is a flower?

MATT: “Dad, how much is a flower?” The guy sitting
there rocking goes, “Take them a silver apiece.

"Sorry, copper.”

LAURA: A copper apiece.

MATT: “Yeah.”

LAURA: I will buy–

MATT: “Copper.”

LAURA: I will buy ten flowers from you.

MATT: “You will get ten flowers from me.
Lickety-split.” She goes and takes out a handful,

counts them in your hand, “One, two–”

LAURA: How old are you?

MATT: “–three– I am five.”

LAURA: You are five? That’s wonderful. Does your
dad take good care of you?

MATT: “Yes. He’s a good dad.”

LAURA: Are you a good dad?

MATT: “What number is that?”

LAURA: I think that– I don’t know. I wasn’t
counting.

LIAM: 13. That was 13.

LAURA: 13. I’ll buy 13. I give her two silvers.
You know, I happen to have a little girl with me

who is very cool and I think she would like to
play with you.

MATT: “What?”

LAURA: Mm-hmm. She’s extra special, though, so
you’d have to be very nice to her.

MATT: “Oh, I’m very special, too.”

LAURA: (gasps) Really?

MATT: “Yeah!”

LAURA: Where do you live? Because I could bring
her over and you could play together tomorrow.

MATT: “The house is two buildings down that way
and back one street. You could see it has the red

"brick on the base, by the door.”

LAURA: Red brick on the base by door. I’ll come
see you guys tomorrow.

MATT: “Okay. What’s your name?”

LAURA: My name is Jester. What’s your name?

MATT: “Tara.”

LAURA: Tara, so nice to meet you.

MATT: “Nice to meet you, too.”

LAURA: Red brick by the door.

MATT: There’s this pause, and she goes, “Okay.
Bye.”

LAURA: Okay. See you!

MATT: Then runs back and goes, “Dad, dad, dad,”
and starts taking the copper and puts it in his

hand and he’s, like, “Oh, that’s a fine job.” He
pulls his hat up a bit and takes the coin. He

looks over to you as you walk away and–

LAURA: Does he seem like a nice dad?

MATT: Make an insight check.

TALIESIN: No.

LAURA: Ooh, that’s good. 22

MATT: Seems like a nice enough dad. Yeah.

MARISHA: Happy Father’s Day.

MATT: Anything else you guys wish to do? It’s
starting to get relatively close to that hour window.

LAURA: Do you want many of them? Because I just
bought a bunch.

TALIESIN: I’ll take two, then. Yep.

LAURA: Flowers?

SAM: Yes, please.

LAURA: Flower?

LIAM: One, please.

LAURA: Flower?

TRAVIS: Are there any authorities walking the
street? Any crownsguard or kingsguard or–?

MATT: There are crownsguard. It’s interesting,
because there are half and half. For the large

gnomish population here, you see half of the
crownsguard are gnomish, and many of them have

some form of firearm slung over their back and
shoulders. The other half appear to be human or

half-elf. The human/half-elf crownsguard appear to
be less jovial and really paying attention to the

chaos and generally trying to keep an eye out for
anything untoward.

TRAVIS: Just like sentry, though. They’re not
concerned or turgid or stiff?

MATT: In comparison to the rest of the people that
are currently celebrating, yes. But even the

gnomish crownsguard seem to be taking their job
seriously, but they’re still part of the event.

TRAVIS: Among their folks?

MATT: You get the sense here that everyone else
gets to celebrate and party at this hour and they

don’t get to, so they cheat a little bit.
Honestly, there’s more crownsguard at night than

you expected. When you came into the city, it
didn’t seem that heavily guarded, but now they’re

out in a pretty serious force. You gather probably
a combination of there being wartime, or because

the nature of what this city builds. As you’re
glancing out, on the outside of the ledge of this

upper area, looking down, there are a number of
torches out by where the construction yards are

down below. Either people are working through the
night down there, or there’s a fairly heavy

presence of crownsguard present around these
partially-constructed devices and machines of war

that you saw being worked on earlier in the day.

TRAVIS: Looks like they even go through the night.
That’s some dedication.

TALIESIN: That seems like a bit much, doesn’t it?

TRAVIS: Yeah. Work ethic can choke you in that
way. Well, it’s about that time. Should we make

our way back for whatever this is going to be?

TALIESIN: I got what I needed. I’m ready.

LIAM: Just a second. Nott, come here for a
moment.

SAM: Yes, Caleb, what is it?

LIAM: Are you going to dance?

SAM: Well, I think we’re going to drink first.

LIAM: Yeah. But later, it seems like you want to.
I think you should.

SAM: I do like to dance.

LIAM: Well, you should try it. You should enjoy
yourself, but make sure that either Jester or I

ties your mask on very tightly, yeah?

SAM: Should I do the spell that you told me, the
disguising spell, before the dance?

LIAM: I mean, it would not be a bad idea.

SAM: All right. I’ll do that.

LIAM: All the same. Maybe stay away from direct
light, you know? If you can stay a little bit away from it.

SAM: Oh, because the shadows won’t match.

LIAM: Ja, and some people are smart and it won’t
work.

SAM: Okay. I will. But you’ll keep an eye out in
case anyone–

LIAM: That is exactly what I will do.

SAM: All right. Thank you.

LIAM: You should enjoy yourself.

SAM: I’ll try. If you want to join us, you could
just point and clap, off to the side. You don’t

have to dance. You can be there to, like–

MARISHA: You guys know that dancing is about
spontaneity and you are planning this dance, like

when this is going to happen, so hard.

LIAM: I am not dancing, so it is not really an
issue.

MARISHA: Let your heart go.

LAURA: When you’re performing, you have to have
specific moves.

MARISHA: Sure.

SAM: You saw the guys who kicked you in the face.
They had planned-out moves that were really cool.

LAURA: Yeah. Like choreography. That’s what we’re
talking about here.

TALIESIN: They kick someone in the face every
time.

MARISHA: I like dancing to dance.

SAM: All right. We’ll do choreography to the right
and left, and you two be in the middle and just freestyle.

LAURA: I think that will work out well. Make sure
you use your scarves, though.

MARISHA: Do you guys still have one of those
wands?

SAM: What wands? The Wand of Smiles?

LAURA: I have that. I hit a random person with the
Wand of Smiles as we walk by them.

MATT: The gentleman who’s selling the flower bands
is sitting, already smiling, and goes–

LAURA: That guy knows.

MARISHA: Here. I take off my belt ribbon and I tie
it around your Wand of Smiles. Now you have a

ribbon dancer of smiles.

LAURA: Ah!

TRAVIS: How many charges does that thing have?

LAURA: I don’t remember.

SAM: That’s probably it for the day.

MARISHA: It recharges, right? Over time?

MATT: Yeah, it has a few uses on it per day. You
guys return to the Blushing Tankard Tavern. The

music’s still blaring. Drinks are being thrown
around. A bunch of people are singing big, old

songs and clanking their tankards together and
spilling onto the tabletops. The floor is already

slick with spilled liquor here and there. It is a
party that hasn’t stopped since you left. As you

guys begin to enter, the dwarven woman who you had
spoken with earlier gets onto one of the central

tables and slams her foot on the table. Everyone
starts looking over and she goes, “Attention,

"arseholes! Might I have your leering eyes upon
this supple and available specimen of a woman?”

You hear some whistles. “Oh, thank you.” She bends
forward with a wink to the crowd. “It’s as you’ve

"all been waiting for: The Hour of Honor!” “Yeah!”
Cheers, clapping. “The tokens and titles are at

"stake. Ol’ Blemmy and his crew hold this winner’s
tokens for the last three weeks,” and she gestures

over and you can see a team there, mostly of
gnomes. Ol’ Blemmy is this dwarf with one giant

gash down his face, and the snow-blind eye in that
socket is sitting there with this tuft of a beard

that has been so unkempt that you can’t see his
mouth. It’s this gray-black, salt-and-pepper bush

that disappears into a chin beard. You assume he’s
grinning beneath there.

TALIESIN: Like Bread Papa?

MATT: Kind of, yeah. Beard Papa?

TALIESIN: Yeah, it’s all Beard Papa.

MATT: “They’re not willing to let them go! Who
wants to put up their coin and their balls to

"topple these nobodies?” (chuckling) Folks start
standing up and tossing some coin on the table at

her feet and shouting out, “Five silver!” “A gold
piece!” “Three gold over here!” People are

standing up and their groups are starting to get
amped up and ready. She’s like, “Keep them coming,

"keep them coming!”

TALIESIN: Ten gold?

TRAVIS: Sure.

TALIESIN: Ten gold.

MATT: “Whoa. By the colorful newcomers– hi there,
sweetie!”

TRAVIS: Oh god.

MATT: “Do we have more than ten gold here to try
and take down these giants of drinking?” There’s a

moment, and this one group in the corner, these
coal-smeared gnomes that come from– you can

assume now this is probably a heavy mining town.
They’re sitting there with elements of their

leather work clothes still on, and they’re all
thinking and talking amongst themselves, and they

all pull in a few more coins, and one of them
comes forward, still wearing leather gloves from

the day and pops down, “15 gold.”

TRAVIS: Hmm, shit.

MARISHA: 16!

MATT: “18.”

LAURA: 20 gold!

MATT: He goes back, talking to them. Comes back,
“25 gold pieces.”

LAURA: Oh, come on! I don’t even know if I want to
do that for 20 gold.

TALIESIN: I just don’t know how to walk away from
something like this.

MARISHA: 25 and five silver!

SAM: So petty.

TALIESIN: Oh for god’s sake, 30 gold.

TRAVIS: Price is right.

MATT: At that point, everyone goes, “Whoa!” With a
flourish, you place the rest of the 30 gold piece

pot on the table. “Ooh.”

TALIESIN: So you’ll all be giving me a little bit
of gold for this later.

MATT: “So?” Turns back and looks back at the
miners, and they all go (heavy sigh).

TALIESIN: We’ll be out of town in a week.

MATT: They gather their gold off the table back
again, and Irena goes, “Well, if that’s it, it

"looks like our contenders for the night are–
(quietly) what are you called?”

TALIESIN: The Mighty Nein.

MATT: “The Mighty Nein!”

TALIESIN: If I want to be known for something,
this is exactly what I want to be known for.

MATT: Cheers and clamoring continue around, and
everyone starts shouting and yelling.

“All right, let’s set up these drinks people!”
With that final slam on the table, she leaps off

onto the ground and starts heading off towards the
bar on the side. The other bartender– the gnomish

gentleman there is rapidly clearing out tankards
and drinks, and he’s starting to pull up bottles

onto the countertop. They start pushing tables
into the center again once more as the crowds

begin to circle around, and Ol’ Blemmy and the
rest of his rather rough-looking crew that have

seen some life in their time–

TRAVIS: Fraternity all-stars.

MATT: They’re all pretty much gnomish middle-age,
which could be anywhere between 100 to 200 years

old, and you can see the weathering on their faces
and their clothing. They look like they nearly

drink professionally. They step up to the table
and they figure out what order they’re going to go

in. You guys figure out what order you’re going to
go in?

SAM: Are we all going?

TRAVIS: Anybody who wants in.

MATT: There’s five on their team, and talking to
her a bit, she goes, “All right,

there’s five competitors. You need to pick five of
your team to compete.”

SAM: Who’s the worst at drinking?

LAURA: Well, I’ve never been drunk.

SAM: Then maybe you should sit this one out.

LAURA: But maybe I’m really good at it, you don’t
know!

SAM: Do we want this to be the thing that we find
out on?

TRAVIS: Probably not, Jester.

TALIESIN: Caleb, how’re you feeling?

LIAM: I don’t think I should go late in the game,
but I feel capable of this challenge.

TALIESIN: Excellent.

TRAVIS: I can drink.

MARISHA: I’m pretty good at it, too.

TALIESIN: I’m ready for this.

SAM: I’ve never had a drink in my life.

TRAVIS: Our fucking team captain over here!

MATT: Who’s sitting it out amongst you guys?

LAURA: I guess it will be me.

TRAVIS: Well, we need five.

MATT: You need five, yeah.

LIAM: We have eins, zwei, drei, vier, und fünf.

SAM: Maybe you can be–

LAURA: I’m taking my five gold back from him, and
I’m stomping upstairs.

SAM: You could be the manager of the team!

TALIESIN: You can also drink along since we’ll
have to buy your drinks for you.

MARISHA: I can also give you some magic mushrooms
if you want to slip them in their drinks.

TRAVIS: It’s fungus, actually.

LAURA: Oh, but I can work distraction.

SAM: Yes. You can use your clerical mysticism to
confuse and disrupt our enemy.

LAURA: I stomp back down the stairs, and I join
them.

MATT: As you’re coming down, you notice, Jester,
the crowds are all gathering, and there’s this big

circle appearing around the central– they have
two tables that are set up with a single bench

each end. You can see a third table behind it
where there’s probably going to be the dwarf woman

overseeing this venture. You do see this little
gnome girl that’s walking through the crowd, and

her hands open, and people are–

LAURA: Is it Tara?

MATT: It’s not Tara, actually, but it’s a rather
dirty-looking gnome little girl who’s thumbing

through and getting pushed around a little bit,
her hands are out in front.

LAURA: I give her a little money. I give her a
silver.

MATT: She takes it and, “Thank you,” barely
audible voice, and continues wandering in the

crowd. So, the five of you guys are doing it?

SAM, TALIESIN, TRAVIS, MARISHA, and LIAM: Yes!

MATT: At this point, the dwarf woman comes back to
the top of the tables there, looks out, “All

"right, friends! I am but your humble evening
mistress, Irena Clommop. And it is my pleasure to

"present to you tonight’s esteemed head-to-head
drinking battle between Ol’ Blemmy and crew, and

"The Mighty Nein. First up of Blemmy’s crew, we
have Duncan!” You see this one gnome gentleman

come forward. Patchy beard, more of a Stonewall
Jackson type, missing the centerpiece there. His

eyes are bloodshot and red. His hair’s slicked
back with some sort of a thick oil, and he’s

wearing a leather apron over a white, stained
shirt with the sleeves rolled up past his elbows.

He sits up, gets on one end of the table, puts one
hand on his tankard, and is waiting for his

competitor. “And on The Mighty Nein’s side, who’s
competing against old Duncan?”

TRAVIS: Listen, the anchor needs to be you, Nott.
You’re our ringer.

SAM: All right. So I’ll wait until there’s–

TRAVIS: Molly, do you want to kick us off?

TALIESIN: I’ll take this in. I’m going to Riker
right over the chair and sit down.

MATT: “What’s your name?”

TALIESIN: Molly, dear.

MATT: “Molly! All right. So we’ll take turns.” She
grabs this small barrel– it’s a handheld barrel–

she pours both of your drinks to the brim. “When I
clap hands together, you both drink! It’s not

"first to finish, but it’s one drink after the
next. First to pass out or lose their drink

"forfeits. So with your drinks full, let’s begin!”
With that, I need you to roll a constitution

check. Roll a d20, add your constitution
modifier.

TRAVIS: Warm it up.

TALIESIN: Ten.

MATT: You watch as Duncan, takes it (gulping).

LAURA: No wait, add your constitution. 12!

TALIESIN: Oh, 12, sorry.

MATT: You’re drinking it and getting through it
fine. You’re partway through your drink and he’s

already finished (slam) on the table. It was a
natural 20 on his end.

ALL: Oh!

MATT: You finish the drink, and you’re like
(burp), a little effervescent, but it’s there. So

that’s one loss on your end. How the rules work is
that the first to three losses is the one– in

these competitive spaces.

MARISHA: So you have to drink fast? I thought you
just said it didn’t matter how fast–

MATT: No, that was just how fast he finished. The
idea is you both make competitive constitution

checks and the first to three losses in that
competition is the one that either barfs or passes out.

LIAM: Barf saves.

MARISHA: Copy.

MATT: Yeah, essentially. At that point, as soon as
you guys drop the drinks, “Next round!”

Fills up both of them, the crowd starts cheering.
Go ahead and roll.

MARISHA: Come on, Molly.

TALIESIN: Ugh, goddamn it. Eight.

MATT: He rolled a two plus two, so, four.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: This time around, you manage to finish a
little sooner than him. You put it down; he’s like

(burp, then chuckling). Roll again. Fills up for
the third round.

TALIESIN: 20.

MATT: You finish your drink a little bit sooner
than him, plop it down. (burping, grunting) From

behind him you hear Ol’ Blemmy go, “Don’t you lose
it, boy!” A voice that grates like it’s been

slammed across a hundred years of seawater.

TRAVIS: Molly, how is it?

TALIESIN: It’s rough.

MATT: Roll off again.

TALIESIN: 19.

MARISHA: Yes!

MATT: You finish your drink. He takes his next
one, pops it down, and you both stare for a

moment. (coughing and spitting) Down the front of
his shirt, the crowd’s goes like, “No!” Tries to

scoop it back up, and they’re like, “No, and
you’re out!” Irena kicks him out of the chair,

“And he’s done! First round goes to The Mighty
Nein!”

TRAVIS: Oh, shit!

MATT: He gets off the ground, dazed. You are
fucking drunk, Molly.

TALIESIN: I’m very drunk.

MATT: He topples back to you guys, you see Duncan
get pulled back in the crowd, and Ol’ Blemmy’s

like (inaudible muttering) and under his breath,
you can hear a string of curse words.

“Next up, we have Ruth!” You watch as this rotund,
tough-looking, oval of a gnomish woman comes up

there, her hair pulled into really tight braids in
the side, with bright freckles and this grimace.

This woman has seen some shit and lived. She gets
up to the side, takes the same tankard, and goes,

“I’ll show you how it’s done, Duncan. Fill it!”

TRAVIS: She’s got nothing on you. She’s nothing!
You got this!

MARISHA: My resting bitch face is stronger! And I
jump in.

LAURA: I hop up on the table next to her and start
yelling: Beau! Beau!

ALL: Beau! Beau!

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

LAURA: I use Thaumaturgy to make it sound like
other people are chanting with me.

MARISHA: Yes, girl, yes!

TALIESIN: That’s a roll.

LAURA: That’s a 21!

MATT: With that, the crowd starts picking up on
Beau, and the name, “Beau! Beau! Beau!” begins to

resonate through the crowd. You lock eyes with
this gnomish woman and you can see there should be

color, but the irises are gray– slate gray– and
it puts you off. There’s this intensity to her

that you’re like, “Oh. This is–”

MARISHA: Fjord, she has crazy eye.

MATT: Go ahead and roll.

MARISHA: Do I have advantage because people are
chanting my name?

MATT: No. But people are definitely invested in
this victory. Go ahead and make your first roll.

MARISHA: Don’t fuck me, Gil. 16.

MATT: You both chug, slam it down at the same
exact time. Both hold tight. It was a tie.

TRAVIS: Oh no, you’re getting shithoused during
this round!

MARISHA: Yeah, I am!

MATT: They fill up the drinks. “And next round,
go!” Roll for it.

MARISHA: Blue die. Okay! 21.

MATT: You both (gulping)– you finish just before,
slam the drinks down. (heavy exhaling)

MARISHA: I’m not as tough as Beau.

MATT: That’s one victory on your end there. Roll
again.

LIAM: Snap.

MARISHA: Fuck. Seven.

MATT: This time, she doesn’t even break eye
contact with you. She tilts to the side (fast

gulping), finishes it in seconds and slams it down
(heavy slam, belch) and burps in your direction

while you’re still drinking, and it catches you.
That’s a loss on your end.

TRAVIS: Burns your eyes a little bit.

MATT: Yeah. Next one.

TRAVIS: You got this.

MARISHA: Don’t fuck me, Gil. I’m going to let it
go, I’m going to let it live, 19. No, 20! No, 17,

18, 19! I know math.

MATT: Nice rolls! These are not saving throws,
right? This is the actual check.

MARISHA: Plus three.

MATT: Got it. On that, as you both fill this next
set of tankards, you drink, and you finish just

before she does. Both slam down, and she’s
starting to have to tough into it. You can see her

grinding her fingers into the woodwork. This is a
lot of drinking.

MARISHA: I wipe the sweat off with my robe.

MATT: That’s two victories to you, one victory to
her. Fill up the next batch, the crowd’s still

shouting, “Beau! Beau! Beau!” Next roll.

MARISHA: Nine.

MATT: This time she toughs it in, she grabs with
both hands and chugs it down. The foam catches the

corner of her mouth and she finishes it and she
wipes it off and sips it off her finger.

TRAVIS: Brutal.

MATT: That’s a victory on her end. You guys are
both tied, the next roll’s going to see who takes it.

TRAVIS: Win or go home, Beau. Eye on the Cobalt
Soul, here we go!

MATT: “Beau! Beau! Beau!” Her left eye’s twitching
as she’s glaring at you.

MARISHA: All right, Gil. Comes down to you, boy.

LIAM: Come on, Beauregard.

MARISHA: Did she already roll?

MATT: She did.

MARISHA: (frustrated noise) Six. No, five.

MATT: With that, you both chug, maintaining eye
contact. You get partway into it, and then

(coughing and retching) and you begin backing up
into the tankard. You try and pass it off, and

then as you drop the tankard to gather yourself,
(spitting) it sprays onto the table.

MARISHA: Sorry!

MATT: “Oh!” The whole crowd worked up for Beau’s
victory falls into a series of sad awws. Ruth

finishes her drink, sets it on the table and
(teeth sucking) turns around and goes back.

TRAVIS: I’m sure we’ve got bread around here
somewhere, just find something to soak all of that up.

MARISHA: Ugh. Okay.

MATT: “Next up, we have Valkin!” You see now, this
very young– looks like the runt of his family

line of gnomes– comes forward. Looks very thin,
bright-eyed, and very stark contrast to the rest

of them, as he gets closer to the table and
sits down. “Who’s my competitor?”

LIAM: Ja hello, my name is Caleb.

(laughter)

MATT: Puts out a hand, “Caleb, it’s a pleasure.”

LIAM: It’s a pleasure.

MATT: “Best of luck. May the best gnome win.”

LIAM: Let’s enjoy a good game. Did you just say,
“May the best gnome win?”

MATT: “Yes.”

SAM: He’s trash talking! Don’t listen to him!

TRAVIS: Keep him out of your head!

LIAM: I am a very skinny man. Let’s do this.

MARISHA: High metabolism. Use it!

LIAM: Do not let me fall asleep face down in the
gutter tonight.

LAURA: Won’t happen.

TALIESIN: That was an option?

TRAVIS: For you.

MATT: As you guys gather, the crowd begins to pull
in a bit. The evening mistress leans down at you

and goes, “Don’t worry lad. I can see you’re
nervous, but just let the throat open and take it

"in.” Leans back, “And first batch, go!” Roll off.

LIAM: Grog die! Yes! 21!

MATT: Oh shit! Unexpectedly so, little Caleb finds
his taste for alcohol in this one, and with but a

moment’s notice, downs the entirety of his glass,
finishing it before Valkin does. Who says, “Oh,

"well done. That’s impressive.”

LIAM: Yes, it’s a good game. It’s just a game.

MATT: Fills both of them again. Next round, go for
it.

TRAVIS: So polite.

LIAM: (singing) Laurentia, liebe Laurentia mein.
Wann woll-

MATT: Your confidence overtakes you as you go into
the second round of cups, and you manage to

finish, but you have to stop halfway through. You
have to actually go (heavy breathing) for the

second serving. You take it down and finish it;
however, as you pull your glass down, you can see

Valkin’s there, leaning.

LIAM: Enjoying the fumes. As they waft up again.

MATT: “I can tell that. Well done, well done.”

SAM: Maybe we should do our dance to distract his
competitor now.

LAURA: That’s a good idea.

MATT: Their drinks are filled. Go for it.

LAURA: Directly in front of Valkin, we start–

(laughter)

MATT: Both of you guys make individual performance
checks.

LAURA: 19!

SAM: It was 15, but 12.

MATT: He does not seem to be distracted,
unfortunately. What did you roll?

LIAM: 13 for me.

MATT: As you take a moment and (grunting and
huffing)–

LIAM: Nighty Mein never says die!

MATT: You manage to finish the last bits of it,
and it takes a moment. You can feel all the suds

of the mixtures of drinks you’ve had tonight
billowing in your stomach and churning. You hear

the (gurgling) in your stomach. You’re like, oh
that’s not good. That’s a second loss on your end.

SAM: Oh no! No, Caleb, no!

LIAM: I feel like it might go out the back exit
instead of the front.

MATT: They fill it up. Next roll.

LIAM: Aw! 14!

MATT: 14? With this, you see Valkin– he rolled a
nine, plus three, so you win this one. He goes and

takes it, finishes it. You both, within a second
of each other, finish the drink and, “I got this.

"You got this? I got this.”

TRAVIS: Caleb, steady.

LIAM: I swat him on the side of the face.

MATT: “No, don’t! Don’t touch.”

LIAM: I do it again. It’s good!

MATT: “Ah no! Don’t do it please!”

LIAM: It’s good for you! Drink!

MATT: Fill up the last batch. You guys both, final
roll.

LIAM: Natural 20.

(cheering)

MATT: Natural 13 on his end. With that, he
finishes the drink and goes, “Told you! Boo yah!”

Gets up from the table, turns around, and (thud)
faceplants right in the ground. Crowd goes, “Yeah!

"Caleb!” Pick him up.

LIAM: I nod, cooly, for a second, and I just turn
and go (spitting).

MATT: You pull your way away from the table.
Success is yours. That’s now two victories on your

end. One for Ruth there and two final competitors.
“Second to last competitor, the powerhouse, The

"Walking Brick herself, Tanya!” This dwarven woman,
who looks like Rosie the Riveter on steroids,

comes around the corner. She has her sleeves
rolled up past the deltoids. She has these massive

hands with a bit of the dwarven hair gathered on
the outside of the forearm. Big, square jaw,

missing the two front teeth, and she grins as she
sits down. She has most of her hair up and tied

into this cloth. She got a bit of the coal smears
on her cheeks.

MARISHA: Yeah Tanya! Woo!

TRAVIS: Okay. I’ll throw my leg over the chair and
sit down. Evening.

SAM: All right, Fjord!

MATT: “Ah. Evening to you.”

MARISHA: I like Tanya!

TRAVIS: You ever done this before?

MATT: “Oh, like all the time. You?”

TRAVIS: No.

MATT: “Well, good luck then. I’m happy to see how
long you last, big boy. Fill it up!” They fill the

drinks. Take your first swig there.

TRAVIS: 16.

MATT: You both finish neck and neck, but you still
manage to get it down faster. As you both stand

there, she looks at you with a nod of being
impressed. “Not bad, not bad.”

TRAVIS: Is that all there is to this?

MATT: “Oh, we’ve just gotten started.”

TRAVIS: Fill her up!

MATT: “Fill her up!” Fill the next round.

MARISHA: Nott, she said you were bad!

TRAVIS: 13.

MATT: She beats you with a 16. As she goes ahead
and finishes off, sets it down and just waits for

you to finish, fingers crossed, and goes, “Cute,
cute. Not as strong as coming out of the gate. Is

"that all you got? You going to lose the wind in
your sails there, green boy?”

TRAVIS: I admit, I feel a little weak. I can’t
tell if it’s the drink or if it’s your beautiful

visage sitting in front of me.

MATT: You hear this voice go, “Ah, ey ey! He’s
mine.”

TRAVIS: Shit. Fill her up.

MATT: They fill up the two drinks.

LAURA: I want to cast Mirror Image on myself in
front of… her. What’s her name?

SAM: Tanya.

LAURA: Tanya, and wiggle to make it look like her
vision’s starting to double.

MATT: Make a deception check.

LAURA: Oh no, that’s bad. Yeah, that was the goal.
Eight!

MATT: Eight. You manage to do so. She doesn’t seem
to be paying attention to you. Caleb, you’re

getting really nauseous watching Jester do this
little dance off to the side.

LAURA: Whoa-oa-oa.

MATT: Make your roll.

TRAVIS: Natural 20.

MATT: No shit! Okay!

LIAM: That is one smooth seaman.

MATT: That’s two victories to you, one victory to
her. With that one, you finish it abruptly, slam

it down, and you’re like oh, you’re actually
gaining a round. That weird swirling in your

stomach has faded and you’ve come into your own in
this game. She’s looking– you see the sweat

appearing on her brow. She’s like, “That’s okay.
There’s more where that came from! Fill it up! I

"got his number, come on!” Make a roll off.

TRAVIS: Natural 20.

MATT: What the shit!

MARISHA: Fucking champ!

TALIESIN: Eye contact never broken!

MATT: And with that, Tanya goes down. She gets
halfway through the drink before, “No. Sorry,” and

looks back towards Ol’ Blemmy before she leans
forward and stumbles out of the chair. One of the

other people picks her up and pulls her to the
side, and Ol’ Blemmy’s just sitting there, fuming.

TRAVIS: Never get into a drinking game with a man
of the sea.

MATT: She goes, “And with that, it looks like Ol’
Blemmy’s team has fallen! That’s three victories– ”

at which, Ol’ Blemmy puts up a hand and goes,
“Not yet! I haven’t competed. One of theirs hasn’t

"competed. How ‘bout we make a deal? Last fight:
double or nothing.”

LAURA: Wait, we can win money from this thing?

SAM: It was always about money.

LAURA: I thought we only got tokens or something
for free drinks.

TRAVIS: Nah, we win money. There’s money in it. I
like it. I say we go for it.

LIAM: I like it as well, but only if you can match
this diamond worth, oh… about 100 gold.

TRAVIS: Are you putting in the f– well.

LIAM: Give me something like that or there’s no
deal.

MATT: They look at each other going, “I think
that’s a little rich for our tastes.”

LIAM: Oh.

LAURA: Aw, no, fuck it! Let’s just do it without
that deal! Double or nothing! Go Nott! Yeah!

SAM: She’s the worst negotiator ever!

TALIESIN: This is such a change of pace from last
year. It’s so exciting.

LAURA: All my mirror images are like, yeah!
Drink!

MATT: “Who’s going to come after me then?”

SAM: I’m scared.

LAURA: You’ve got it Nott!

SAM: All right. I’ve looked in the– by the way,
Matt– I’ve looked in the thing. The–

TRAVIS: The dodecahedron.

SAM: The dodecahedron.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: All right, I’ll try. Hello, sir.

MATT: “This? This is what you bring before me as
an offering?”

TRAVIS: You know, she’s called the Bottomless Pit.
(hiccups)

MATT: “I’m going to crush you, little green one.”

MARISHA: Fuck his shit up, Nott! Fuck his shit
up!

SAM: All right, I’ll try!

LAURA: Are you under Disguise Self?

SAM: No!

MATT: It’s great. When he talks, you see the
bristles of the beard– You can see as the evening

mistress up at the top goes, “All right! Looks
like we’re going to get to see Ol’ Blemmy strain

"through his baleen after all! Get to the sides of
the table. Let The Whale take a drink.”

MARISHA and TRAVIS: The Whale?!

MARISHA: Oh shit!

SAM: I don’t have this.

TRAVIS: You already have this!

MARISHA: Bottomless pit!

MATT: The dwarf sits down. His mitt completely
encompasses the tankard with his giant dwarven

hand. “Against Ol’ Blemmy we have?”

SAM: (stammering) Hello. I’m Otto.

MATT: “Otto!”

LAURA: Woo!

SAM: Sorry.

TRAVIS: Otto the Bottomless Pit!

SAM: Yes.

MATT: “And drink!” Pours the drinks, make a roll.

SAM: It’s a five.

LIAM: You could use it now?

MATT: Are you going to go with it?

SAM: Yeah, I’ll use it now! Okay, that’s better.
That’s 17.

MATT: 17? You both chug down. You manage to finish
quickly, slam it down. Oh, this isn’t as bad as

you thought. You’ve have much harder liquors than
this. The froth is filling at the edges of his

mustache and as he pulls it down, there’s a
coating of foam from the drink resting there. A

tongue comes out of nowhere, this Cousin Itt
broom-like beard, the tongue takes the suds in.

That was a victory on your end.

SAM: I feel good. This feels right.

TRAVIS: Otto!

LIAM: Get it, von Bismarck!

MATT: Next batch. Make the roll.

SAM: I take out a bit of fleece and rub it and
cast Silent Image on myself, to make a pussy eye,

something real gross that looks real disgusting.
That’s an 18.

MATT: 18? That’s pretty damn good. Ol’ Blemmy
finishes his drink. That’s two for two victories

on your end there. He’s not had the best luck
rolling these last two rounds. He finishes it

down, “You’re small, but I can see why they call
you the Bottomless Pit.”

MARISHA: Yeah, BP!

MATT: He grabs the barrel from the person and
fills his own last tankard, hands it off. “Let’s

"go.” Take the roll.

SAM: Can I drink this with Mage Hand pouring from
way up there?

MATT: If you really want to, sure.

SAM: I do.

MATT: So you’re like, “Ah!” catching it
underneath. The crowds like, “Yeah!” clamoring. Go

ahead and make your roll.

SAM: Only 14.

MATT: As it’s coming down, it’s splashing on your
face a bit. You’re trying to catch it all.

SAM: I got too cocky!

MATT: You manage to catch most of it and you
finish it. You realize that the liquors that

you’ve been having are not been mixing well with
this particular drink. You’re starting to feel–

oof. That’s a victory on his end.

SAM: Oh no!

MATT: All you hear is this subtle (chuckling).
Roll for the next one.

SAM: I don’t think I can do it!

TRAVIS: Jester cut him! He can’t see you out
there, cut him!

SAM: Cut my eyes! Cut my eyelids off!

LAURA: What? No! You got this, Nott! I’m going to
cast Bless.

SAM: Oh, what does that do?

LAURA: I think it gives you advantage on saving
throws. Is this a saving throw?

MATT: No, but you’re blessed.

LAURA: But I cast it on you!

MATT: All right, make your roll.

SAM: That’s a 21.

MATT: He rolled a natural 16 with a plus four
modifier, that puts him at 20.

(cheering)

TRAVIS and MARISHA: (chanting) Break the tank!
Break the tank!

MATT: As you both finish the drink, everyone is
like, “Yeah! Oh–” The whole crowd backs up for a minute.

TRAVIS: Nott!

SAM: Sorry.

MATT: Ol’ Blemmy leans forward and goes, “Wait a
minute. Are you a fucking green–” and passes out

on the table, the saliva pools before him. The
crowd goes wild!

(cheering)

MATT: Irena leans does and fiddles through his
pockets and pulls out his token. He goes, “I do

"believe that you’ve earned this!”

SAM: Thank you.

MARISHA: (drunkenly) And we get our names on the
board!

SAM: What does this get me?

MATT: “Oh, it get you free drinks here for the
rest of the week. Or until someone takes it from you.

TRAVIS: Free drinks?

SAM: Guys, we can drink more!

MARISHA: (drunkenly) Yeah.

TRAVIS: (drunkenly) Yep.

LAURA: You guys look like shit.

LIAM: There’s three of you.

LAURA: There are, yes.

MARISHA: My mouth is watering.

SAM: Let it be known that The Mighty Nein can take
on any competitor and win! Victory will be

ours in any arena!

MATT: "Yeah!” Cheers go up there. Already, there’s
somebody off in the corner who’s whittling a block

of wood and carving “The Mighty Nein” into it to
put on the wall. The rest of Ol’ Blemmy’s team

begrudgingly come up and drunkenly pass forward
their tokens and pass them over to you. You have

five drink tokens. Five of you can drink for free
at this bar.

SAM: Well worth it.

LAURA: Is there money involved here?

MATT: It was double or nothing, so that’s 60 gold.
They end up having to pony up the rest of it.

There’s a 20% cut for the house though, so that’s
60 gold, losing 20% of that.

TALIESIN: I’ll take 20 of that because I put in–

MATT: That’s 48 gold go back to you guys.

LAURA: I take five because I gave Molly five.

MATT: Okay. Everyone claps you on the back and
starts cheering and shaking your hands and stuff.

“Oh, that was amazing!”

TRAVIS: Tell me you have biscuits and gravy or
something.

MATT: “We will in the morning.”

TALIESIN: Oh, that will be perfect.

MATT: “Well, if you’re looking for a meal– ”

SAM: Oh yeah!

MARISHA: She wants to fuck your brains out.

TRAVIS: You know, I think I have some more
libations in me.

SAM: Fjord, why not? We’re in Hupperdook. Dook it
up!

TRAVIS: I know. The night is young! It’s young!

TALIESIN: I can crash in another room. It’s
perfectly fine.

TRAVIS: It’s young, Molly!

LAURA: We do have an extra room.

TRAVIS: No, it’s fine!

MARISHA: He’s too drunk to fuck.

TRAVIS: Well, that’s not true. I’m fine.

MARISHA: He’s a little embarrassed. His penis gets
a little limp after a few drinks.

TRAVIS: Wow. Not at all.

MARISHA: It’s nothing personal.

TRAVIS: She doesn’t know me like that. It’s not
real.

MATT: “I have a friend who’s an herbalist who has
something could help with that.”

TALIESIN: You have a friend who’s an herbalist?

MARISHA: Do you have a topical cream? Nevermind,
that’s a different problem.

TRAVIS: Where’s your pisser?

MATT: “Oh! It’s up, third floor. There’s a bit of
a water closet. Just aim for the hole, please.”

TRAVIS: I’ll be right back. I go.

MARISHA: It’s his penis problem again. What?!

MATT: You guys are trashed.

LIAM: You– you are very– you are– you are very
drunk.

MARISHA: That’s very observant.

LIAM: Am I also very drunk?

MARISHA: Can you feel this? Slap!

LIAM: I assume I take one hit point of damage. Or
1d4, from a monk.

MATT: I’d say you take a hit point.

LIAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: You’re drunk. You’re real relaxed.

MARISHA: Did you feel that? My hands are stinging
now.

LIAM: (singing) Oh, The Mighty Nein is The Mighty
Nein. The Mighty Nein is The Mighty Nein. The

mightiest nine that ever neined!

SAM: I like that song!

LIAM: (singing) Nine mighties, mighties nine!

LAURA: Do you guys need to go to bed or
something?

MARISHA: I think I’m going to puke.

SAM: I’m totally fine.

LAURA: You sound pretty normal, actually, Nott.

SAM: This is great.

MATT: Nott, you are intoxicated. You are
fearless.

LIAM: I thought we were going dancing.

SAM: I can do anything!

TRAVIS: Holy shit!

SAM: I can surf on a truck!

(laughter)

MARISHA: Give me five minutes. I’m going to go
out. I’m going to go behind the alley. I’m going

to barf. I’m going to clean myself up, and then
I’m going to go back in a little bit more put together.

TRAVIS: Puke and rally!

MARISHA: Yep!

LAURA: I’m going to ask Caleb to waltz with me.

LIAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: Nott, I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud
of you! So well done!

SAM: You were great out there.

MATT: In the midst of everything dying down,
people are starting to get pretty sloshed, and the

energy level, while still rather rowdy, some folks
are starting to tap out for the night. Jester

drags Caleb into the center of the tavern floor,
takes hands, and Caleb, almost running out on

autopilot, who does have some minor experience in
the past. Go ahead and make a performance check

with disadvantage, Caleb.

LIAM: That’s cocked. That’s okay. With advantage,
you say?

MATT: Disadvantage, because you’re drunk.

LIAM: That’s very low. Very low. That is a five.

MATT: Caleb, a moment passes before Jester begins
leading you, but you guys continue, the two of

you, to have a very nice little waltz in the
middle of the area. Quietly, the music begins to

change. What was once the rowdy bar music
transitions into an actual waltz piece as the

musicians notice this happening. The three fourths
begins to pick up. One two three, one two three.

As you guys continue to dance, a few other couples
begin to get up and start faking it. They don’t

seem to know, but they’re watching, playfully
making up their own waltz-type maneuver. An

impromptu, half-assed waltz begins to develop here
in the center of the tavern.

SAM: Mollymauk?

TALIESIN: I’m in!

SAM: We’ll dance a bit.

MATT: You guys begin to join this as well. Which
one of you is leading?

TALIESIN: I’ll lead.

SAM: Absolutely!

MATT: Molly’s leading. Nott’s at his beck and call
as you guys begin to dance around in a circle.

Beau and Fjord, you’re drunkenly staring at this.

TRAVIS: I actually did not come back down.

MATT: Oh, that’s right. You’re still upstairs.
Fjord is passed the fuck out upstairs.

TRAVIS: I might have passed out in the pisser.

LIAM: Out there dancing: You were always a better
dancer than me, Astrid. You were always so good.

LAURA: Astrid?

LIAM: Ja.

LAURA: Oh, well, you know, Caleb–

LIAM: I break away. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

LAURA: Caleb, do you need to go to sleep?

LIAM: I stumble away.

LAURA: No, no, no! I grab his jacket.

SAM: Yes, you’re way stronger!

LAURA: You are not going to go pass out in the
street. You told me to be in charge of this. I

walk him upstairs and makes sure he gets in bed.

MATT: Jester goes and tucks Caleb into one of the
rooms, in bed comfortably.

LIAM: You are blue.

LAURA: Yes, I am, and you are very nice and a
little stinky.

LIAM: (singing) One of those things is true, and
you are blue.

LAURA: I’m sure Astrid loves you very much. I tuck
him in.

TALIESIN: I’m going to grab Beau before we head
up.

MARISHA: I’m coming in the door. Let’s keep going!
What?

TALIESIN: Is it all right if I try something? No,
nothing like that. I just wanted–

MARISHA: I will fucking punch you if you try and
kiss me.

TALIESIN: Oh god!

MARISHA: I know I’m attractive.

TALIESIN: How is your hangover? Whatever team your
on, I’m not sure I play for that one. It’s Team

“fuck off,” I’m well aware. How are your hangovers
normally?

MARISHA: Normally, I’ll wake up and I sweat it
out.

TALIESIN: I got a weird thought. This may feel
weird. I’m going to try my blood maledict.

MARISHA: What?

TALIESIN: I’m going to do the Purgation advanced
to see if I can cure a hangover with it. I don’t

know if it will work. Technically, it’s a poison,
and I’m willing to drop some HP into this. It gets

a little fancy and it’s mostly to see if I can
clean it up a little bit. Maybe it’ll work, maybe it won’t.

MATT: Are you going to amplify it or not?

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah. I want to see if it works.

MARISHA: I’m a hot mess and I like it!

MATT: Make a constitution saving throw, Beau.

MARISHA: Saving throw?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: God, this one does this every time.

TRAVIS: It’s a fucking tease.

MARISHA: It’s kind of a dick. Six.

MATT: You manage to sober her up a little bit, but
you’re still pretty tipsy. From going blackout

drunk, you’re now heavily buzzed and right at
drunk.

TALIESIN: I feel like this could be very useful.
I’m going to work on this.

MATT: What’s interesting is, as you finish this,
out of some of the pores, the actual alcohol is

drawn out, hovers in the air for a second before
dropping on the ground.

MARISHA: No! No, that was a party foul!

TALIESIN: I wouldn’t touch that!

MARISHA: Was that inside of me? Did you touch
inside me? Oh, fuck.

TALIESIN: Thank you for being part of my little
experiment.

MARISHA: All right, now what?

TALIESIN: I was just curious if I could pull
liquor out of people. I’m going to go throw up on

Fjord, excuse me.

MATT: Oh, no!

TALIESIN: I’m going to find Fjord and make sure
that however I throw up, it makes it so it looks

like he did it to himself.

(groaning)

MATT: No! Not like that!

LAURA and MATT: Not like this.

MATT: Do you leave Fjord in the bathroom?

TALIESIN: Oh, god no. I bring him back in.

MATT: Okay. You guys all make yourselves back to
your rooms. As you check inside, Yasha is asleep

in a corner, there with her sword at the side,
ready. Curled up against her chest is Kiri, also

asleep, bundled up, a little bustle of feathers.

LAURA: She tried to shave her.

MATT: You guys eventually find yourselves to rest
for the night, sleep. Long arduous morning comes

to, as the sun comes up through the windows. The
sound of distant, wandering roosters crowing at

daybreak break you into consciousness. The
hangovers are real. Beau’s doing okay. There’s a

little bit of a hangover, but not too bad.
Jester’s totally sober. Yasha’s sober.

LAURA: Sober! I’m doing ribbon dances in the
bedroom.

TALIESIN: Fuck off.

MATT: Jester, as you and Beau start to get ready,
you guys start gathering your things. Beau, your

coin purse is missing.

(gasping)

MARISHA: Motherfucker. Who did it? Jester! My
coi– fuck. Fuck, I’m still hungover! Goddamn it!

LAURA: What?

MARISHA: My coin purse is missing!

SAM: Her koi pond!

MARISHA: My koi pond!

LAURA: Your money is gone? Is my money still on
me?

MATT: You still have your money on you.

LAURA: I still have my money. What happened to
yours?

MARISHA: Motherfucker, there was 300 gold in
there!

LAURA: You should really spread it out, Beau!
That’s really not good! Should we go looking for

it? Maybe you dropped it under the bed. Can I
start looking around the room?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

MARISHA: Someone’s going to fucking die.

LAURA: 16.

MATT: You spend a few moments looking around, and
it’s nowhere to be seen in the room.

LAURA: I think somebody might have taken it from
you.

MARISHA: Yeah, I think that’s exactly what
happened.

LAURA: Oh no. I wonder if that’s a common thing
when people get drunk like that.

MARISHA: We’re going to go talk to Irene right
now. I bet she knows the motherfucker. We’re going

to fucking track him down.

LAURA: Irena?

MARISHA: Whatever that bitch’s name is. Let’s go!

MATT: All right, is everybody else waking up?

SAM: Sure.

LAURA: Hey! I knock on the doors really loud.
Check your coin purses!

(groaning)

LAURA: Make sure you have your money still!

TRAVIS: What’s wrong with you?

SAM: Do we have our money?

MATT: No.

SAM: Wait, all of our money is gone?

MATT: Nott, Molly, Fjord, your coin purses are
gone, and we’re going to take a break!

TRAVIS: You!

MARISHA: I lied; I had way more in there than
that. We just got fucking– (exhales deeply)

TRAVIS: That’s a lot of money.

TALIESIN: That’s a lot of money.

LAURA: What about Caleb? Does Caleb have his
money?

TRAVIS: (screaming)

MARISHA: All two gold?

LIAM: All five of my gold. Do I have my
motherfucking books?

MATT: Your books are still with you.

LAURA: What about your diamond?

MATT: Your diamond you keep with your components.
That wasn’t missing. It was just the coin purse missing.

MARISHA: All right guys, here’s the deal–

LAURA and MATT: We’re taking a break.

MARISHA: No, fuck! I’m so angry! Fuck!

MATT: Hold it!

(laughter)

MATT: I love that woman. All right, guys, we’ll be
back here in a few minutes. Stay tuned for the

break. We have Jason Charles Miller’s video about
his awesome album. Check it out, and we’ll see you

here in a few minutes.

[break]

MATT: And welcome back. Returning to where we
were, The Mighty Nein, coming to consciousness,

most of them with a roaring hangover, have come to
realize that all of their money has been pilfered.

Other than Jester and Yasha, everyone else appears
to, at some point during the evening, lost their

monetary gains. As you guys are finding this out,
what do you do?

SAM: I accuse Jester of stealing our money!

LAURA: Me? Why would I steal your money?

SAM: You’re right. It’s stupid.

LAURA: That is really dumb.

SAM: We, as detectives, should think clearly about
this and figure out: when was the money stolen?

Did you all have your money after the competition?

MARISHA: Yeah, we put our winnings– we split it
up and threw it in the pack.

SAM: Between the competition and bedtime, our
money was stolen.

LAURA: So it had to be somebody that seems
inconspicuous, walking around the room and

stealing people’s money!

TRAVIS: It’s that damn bird.

LAURA: Kiri? I think she’d be noticeable
downstairs taking people’s money.

SAM: Is Kiri with us?

MATT: Kiri is with Yasha.

SAM: Kiri, did you steal our money?

MATT: (chirping), (like Jester) “Go fuck
yourself!”

TRAVIS: Don’t stop there. She’s a kleptomaniac. I
can tell!

LAURA: I might be able to help us. Also, there was
this little girl who seemed really sweet, but she

was walking around inconspicuously throughout the
room, and maybe she did it.

MARISHA: I also don’t think this was necessarily a
one-person job. Normally there’s a couple people

doing stuff like that, or one person is a runner,
and one person is a looker.

LAURA: Maybe we should ask Irena if it happens
often when these things go on.

TRAVIS: I thought you said you had something.

LAURA: Oh, yes. I have a spell that can locate
objects.

SAM: That cuts down on our detective work a lot.

LAURA: Well, I could locate potentially a money
purse.

MARISHA: Do you remember what my bag looked like?
It matches my sash that you still have on your wand.

LAURA: It’s on this wand, yes!

MARISHA: I almost forgot we tied that on! That was
funny. Man, we were drunk.

TRAVIS: Can we bring the volume level down?

MARISHA: Sorry.

SAM: But it was only the five who competed who
were robbed.

LAURA: It was only the five who got stupid
drunk.

MARISHA: We were super drunk.

SAM: It could be because we won, and Blemmy’s crew
stole our money.

LAURA: We should find out if Blemmy’s crew also
got stolen from. Do we remember if Blemmy’s crew

hung around the tavern afterwards?

MATT: To your memory, they didn’t. Shortly after
the competition, tucking their tails, they went to

find another place to drink and not have to be in
the eyes of people that watched them lose.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: So we’re going to talk to Irena, and then
we’re going to maybe find Blemmy, or maybe just

follow Locate Object.

LIAM: We are not going to start with the spell
that will lead us to it?

TALIESIN: I say we start the spell now in case
they decide to throw away the coin purses. Unless

somebody knows something that was in their purse
that was of actually of value that they could

recognize. I need some bacon. Does anyone have
money for bacon?

LAURA: I still have money.

MARISHA: Nott, did you have any of those trinkets,
like my jade bracelet, in your bag?

SAM: I’m wearing it.

MARISHA: Fuck!

SAM: No, I only keep my valuable things in other
pockets.

LAURA: It has to be within a thousand feet, and it
only lasts for ten minutes.

SAM: Within how many feet?

LAURA: A thousand. Which is not that far.

MARISHA: Let’s see if we can get some tips, and
that’s something later.

LAURA: What if I cast Zone of Truth on Irena?

MARISHA: That’s not a bad idea.

SAM: Well, let’s sees if she talks first.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s a good idea.

LAURA: But how will we know if she’s telling the
truth? She seems shady as fuck.

SAM: Does she? I haven’t talked to her.

LAURA: Yeah, I don’t like her at all.

TALIESIN: Let’s try not to escalate anything too
quickly yet.

SAM: Molly could use his masculine wiles to talk
to–

LAURA: I think Fjord should do it.

TALIESIN: Do I have masculine wiles?

SAM: You have pan wiles?

TALIESIN: I’m into it. I’ll take it.

LAURA: “The affected creature is aware of the
spell.” Always?

TALIESIN: Why don’t we save that for the moment
that we have somebody we definitely want to

interrogate, instead of somebody who might tell us
they don’t know anything.

TRAVIS: Let’s go down and talk to Irena.

TALIESIN: And get breakfast.

LAURA: We go looking for Irena. I think she did
it.

MATT: You guys head down to the bottom floor of
the tavern, and it is empty. From seeing it so

busy the night before, it is just 20-odd empty
tables. There is Irena at the bar, who’s

currently sitting down in the process eating a
sandwich, probably looking a little hungover

herself. Sitting at a far table, in the middle of
cleaning out her fingernails, is Rissa.

LAURA: Rissa did it.

TRAVIS and TALIESIN: No.

SAM: She did it.

LAURA: We should get them at the same table and
ask them questions, because they have to be within

15 feet of me.

TRAVIS: I don’t think it was her. She’s been
nice.

TALIESIN: If it was Rissa, what is she still doing
here?

LAURA: Oh, good point.

SAM: I still think she did it.

TRAVIS: I’m thankful for your seedy background
right now, Molly.

TALIESIN: Let’s get some breakfast, before
anything happens.

MARISHA: With what fucking money, Molly?

LAURA: With my money. I’ll buy you guys breakfast.
(singing) Irena!

MATT: You walk up. “Good morning. You’re all
looking appropriately fucked.”

MARISHA: Yeah, in a few ways.

MATT: “What can I get for you?”

SAM: Bacon.

MATT: “Breakfast can be done, let me grab that.
Sid! Sid, more breakfast!”

LAURA: Irena, did you see anybody taking all of
our money last night?

MATT: “No, why? Did someone take all your money
last night?”

LAURA: Does it happen all the time when people do
this drinking game?

MATT: “If you’re not paying attention and you have
a lot on you, well, that’s your own fault.”

MARISHA: Do you know anyone where that’s their
little side hobby?

MATT: “I don’t know anyone particularly, but it
happens sometimes. That’s why most folks that go

"out only take a few coins with them.”

TRAVIS: The fucking kids had, like, six coins on
them. Happens all the time.

MATT: “If you’re walking around with a bank in
your pocket, I mean, you’re asking for it.”

LAURA: Wait, what did you guys do with our cart?

TRAVIS: It’s out front.

TALIESIN: It was strung up.

TRAVIS: It was tied to the hitching post.

LAURA: Would you have woken up in your drunken
stupor?

LIAM: Of course I would.

SAM: We’ll go check.

LAURA: Yeah, we go look at the cart. Is it still
there and protected?

MATT: You turn around and the cart is protected.
There are crownsguard that patrol the main area.

It’s not as busy as it was last night, of course.
It seems they come out in full force. A lot of

them seem to sleep during the day and then come
out at night to keep watch, because that’s when a

lot of things happen, but there are a few. There’s
one that’s posted on the far corner. It looks like

nobody’s messed with the cart because it is out in
the open.

LAURA: Should’ve left our money in the cart.

TRAVIS: Excuse me! Can I have a mi– (hiccups)
minute of your time?

MATT: Are you referring to–

TRAVIS: The crownsguard.

MATT: Okay, so you’ve exited the tavern.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I’m walking out.

TALIESIN: I’m sitting down to breakfast.

LAURA: I’m going back in the tavern.

SAM: Me too.

MATT: The food is being brought out to you slowly
over the next 30 minutes or so. The crownsguard

looks to you. He’s human, a bushy, not really
well-kept blond beard.

TRAVIS: Morning.

MATT: “Morning.”

TRAVIS: You go first, yeah. (breathing deeply)

MATT: “You all right there, buddy?”

TRAVIS: We tied one on last night, in a harsh
way.

MATT: “I can see you’re newcomers to the town,
then.”

TRAVIS: Indeed. So much so that we seem to have
been relieved of our coin during last night’s revelry.

MATT: “You don’t say.”

TRAVIS: Yeah. Does that happen a lot around here?

MATT: “To conspicuous folks? Maybe. It happens
every now and then, we try and keep an eye out

"there. As with any place of business, there is
always going to be some element of theft. Nothing

"we saw out of the ordinary, but we can begin to
investigate if you like.”

TRAVIS: Well that might not be necessary. I
believe it was our fault. But just out of

curiosity, is there anywhere in town that, I don’t
know, there might be an infestation of this sort

of problem? Do you know any common areas where
folks engaged in this sort of activity might

gather at night or in the day? Areas of trouble
that you’ve dealt with before– oh god, am I sweating?

MATT: “You are, profusely. I can’t say there’s a
specific region. If anything, the workplaces here

"are not teeming with that element. The industrious
nature of the city keeps itself busy in a very

"visible place. Perhaps, somewhat here in the
Idleworks Shelf, there’s the residential areas of

"Silver Falls. Those are probably the more likely
areas. I wouldn’t look in the lower half. Up here

"in this shelf and beyond would probably be the
most– Are you sure? I don’t mind, I could

"probably keep an eye out. Is there any information
you have about these individuals who robbed you may be?”

TRAVIS: (sighs) We’re a little light on details,
unfortunately. You know what, I’m going to go eat

a half a cow, and then maybe once that’s soaked up
some of this I’ll return. If I remember anything else.

MATT: “Yeah, I think you should go do that.”

TRAVIS: All right, thank you, have a good
morning.

MATT: “You too.” He sits back into his post,
looking a bit confused.

SAM: Ask Irena about the little girl.

LAURA: Irena, what about the little girl?

MATT: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Which little girl?”

LAURA: There’s a little girl that was walking
around last night that was asking for money and stuff.

MATT: “Oh yeah, the beggar. She comes in every now
and then. Some folks help her get along.”

LAURA: She doesn’t steal things?

MATT: “Not that I’ve seen. She’s like a waif.
What’re you talking about?” Make an insight check.

MARISHA: Is she lying to me? Does she know more?
12.

MATT: I mean, as best as you can read she seems to
be forthright. As best as you can read.

LAURA: I’m going to cast Zone of Truth.

MATT: Okay. So what’s the saving throw on that?
What’s the DC?

TRAVIS: I like it.

LAURA: Charisma…

TRAVIS: Cut to the fucking chase!

LAURA: 15.

TRAVIS: Trim the fat!

MATT: No, she fails. She goes like, “What’s going
on?”

LAURA: What are you talking about?

MATT: Because if I recall, yeah, she is aware of
the spell. She’s like, “What sort of trickery are

"you doing here? I don’t like this. I’ll ask you to
leave.”

LAURA: Oh, I don’t think you need to do that. I’m
just, you know, curious about what happened last

night, if you have ever seen any shady figures in
here.

MATT: “There are many shady figures that come
through here. It’s a town.”

TRAVIS: (cooing) More specific!

LAURA: Do you know of anyone who would’ve stolen
coins from people?

SAM: Who was here last night?

MATT: “There was a lot of people here last night.
I know you’re asking me– Look, I’m a

"shady-looking character sometimes as well. I can’t
pick it. There’s a lot of hard-working people here.”

LAURA: Did you steal the money?

MATT: “I did not steal your money!”

LAURA: I’m just checking. Do you know who stole
our money?

MATT: “No, I don’t know who stole your money!”

LAURA: Hey Rissa, come here for a second!

TALIESIN: But if you were going to suspect
somebody, who would it be?

MATT: “I don’t know. You damn well pissed off Ol’
Blemmy. He’s a possible one. Otherwise, I don’t

"know if anyone got too friendly with you last
night. I mean you’ve got to get close to take your money.”

LAURA: Was anyone friendly with you guys?

TALIESIN: Not with me.

MATT: “I didn’t send any people up to your rooms,
because you told me not to pay for– I was holding

"your cash, which I’ve still got by the way. And
the offer still stands. But–”

MARISHA: Is there a thieves’ guild?

MATT: “I don’t know, probably.”

LAURA: Rissa, come here!

MATT: Rissa comes up. “I can help you?”

SAM: Irena, if Molly was interested, would you
like–

LAURA: Snip his–

SAM: No, just like–

TALIESIN: I don’t understand what you’re trying to
imply here.

SAM: Nevermind, let’s go to Rissa.

LAURA: No seriously though, what was this? Why is
this having sex?

SAM: Don’t you guys use scissors when you have sex
with each other?

MARISHA: Is this a goblin thing?

TALIESIN: This might be a goblin thing.

SAM: This is real.

LAURA: Stop it.

LIAM: Just a boulder parchment shears reference.
It’s simple.

LAURA: Rissa! Do you know of anyone who steals
money from drunk people?

MATT: “Not personally. I’m sure there are folks
out there.”

LAURA: Did you see anyone taking our friends’
money last night?

MATT: She rubs her temples and you can tell she is
a little hungover herself, too. She’s like, “No…”

TALIESIN: Did those two gentlemen come back into
the bar at any point?

TRAVIS: Fitz and Ashton.

LAURA: Ooh, good call.

MATT: “I saw them come in at one point, but then
leave when they noticed I was still hanging with

"you folks, so thank you for that. I appreciate
that.”

TALIESIN: I mean, at the very least that’ll be
fun.

LAURA: Man. Do we have any other questions to ask?
Who are you all attracted to. Do you guys like me?

SAM: That’s what I was trying to get to. Wait, us?
We have to answer truthfully?

LAURA: Yeah, because you were standing next to me
anyway.

LIAM: If you’re within 15 feet.

SAM: You’re not my type.

MATT: If all the rest of you are in the area?

TALIESIN: Everybody’s my type. I’m really pretty
easy.

LIAM: I was at the door. I don’t know how big the
place is.

MATT: If anybody else steps into that zone, you
have to make a saving throw.

LIAM: I was going to do something before Jester
did what she did.

MARISHA: What was your question?

LAURA: Who are you attracted to? Do you like me?
Are we friends? Do you really like me and stuff?

MATT: Make a saving throw.

MARISHA: Wow, that was a layer of questions.

SAM: I like you. You’re nice.

LAURA: Really?

SAM: Yes.

MATT: Charisma, right?

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: What is it, charisma saving throw? 16.

MATT: Yeah, you resist it.

MARISHA: I like you a lot. Here’s the deal.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Has there been a raise in criminal
activity? Is there something in the town that

would start provoking people to want to pickpocket
more? Is the rise in the war effort bringing

people down? There’s got to be some reason.

MATT: Rissa goes, “I mean, it’s possible, I
imagine. People are distracted. They’re working

"hard. They’re having to push out double time in a
lot of their work to get things out to the front

"lines. It’s possible.”

TALIESIN: Whoever took our purses has our drink
tokens too.

MARISHA: They do have our drink tokens. That was
in the bag.

TRAVIS: You didn’t need to remind her, she’s ready
to pop as it is, all right?

TALIESIN: I’m just saying that if drink tokens
come back to the bar–

LAURA: Then you know. (gasps)

MARISHA: I wouldn’t come back the next night if it
were me. I would want to make sure that we were gone.

TALIESIN: But somebody’s got them.

LIAM: How could they even use them? Because only
the winners that everyone saw won them.

SAM: They’re probably not going to use them.
They’re just one drink. They would keep

all the hundreds of gold.

TALIESIN: I would keep it, though.

MARISHA: But I think that could be a better
target for your lost object spell.

That’s what I was thinking.

LAURA: Yeah. Because it probably blends in. Are
they the same sort of shape as regular coins?

MATT: They are, but they’re wooden and a little
bit bigger than an actual gold coin.

TALIESIN: Anytime I’ve stolen something I
couldn’t use later I’ve always kept it for

sentimental reasons. I’m not sure why.

MARISHA: Yeah, it’s a prize. It’s a reminder of
your good job.

LAURA: That’s smart. Should I cast it?

TALIESIN: I don’t steal anymore. Much.
Sometimes–

MARISHA: Hang on. Irena.

MATT: “Yes? What you asking?”

MARISHA: Do you have any new staff members?

MATT: “No, it’s just me and Syd.” At this point
Syd brings out the last of the food, the male

gnome who you saw when you first entered. He’s
like, “So, all of your food is ready. Enjoy.”

MARISHA: You mentioned being able to get us
friends and other type of services. Where do you

find those resources?

MATT: “Through a friend of mine.”

MARISHA: What’s her name?

MATT: “Why are you asking me all these
questions? I didn’t send anyone up to your room,

"and I’m not going to spill all of my business
propositions your direction.”

MARISHA: I don’t think you did any of that at all.
I just think you might know who did. Even if you

don’t consciously know, I think you have an idea.

MATT: “Not really, lass.”

LAURA: She’s telling the truth.

LIAM: Do you give a shit about our problems?

MATT: “No.”

TRAVIS: Rissa, do you know where this Ashton and
Fitz stay?

MATT: She nods and takes another sip of her
morning coffee, and goes, “Aye, they’re about two

"blocks down from my father’s… shack. A couple of
kids that– although at this hour they’re probably

"working at the anvil.”

MARISHA: If I wanted to go hock some stolen goods,
where would I go?

MATT: “I don’t know. I haven’t hocked stolen goods
around here. I’m sorry.”

SAM: One more question!

MATT: To which one? You have both Rissa–

SAM: Irena. Where does the pianist live?

MATT: “What, of the band?”

SAM: Yeah, the guy playing the piano.

MATT: “Here! He has a room on the third floor.”

LAURA: Well, maybe if I cast Locate Object we’ll
find out.

SAM: What’s his name? We never asked.

LAURA: He was really talented, though. I mean,
like, super duper.

MATT: He was Weimar.

LAURA: Weimar.

TALIESIN: He had to flip a page for that one. It
was exciting.

TRAVIS: Why don’t we start by going around where
Fitz and Ashton lived and then maybe we can pay a

little visit to Rissa’s pops?

TALIESIN: Yeah, she said they lived by her pops’
place.

LAURA: Yeah, we’ll go and I’ll cast Locate Object
and maybe we’ll just pass by something.

TALIESIN: I wanted to meet Pops anyway. He sounds
interesting.

MATT: She’s like, “Oh, all right. Fair warning–
pardon me, rough morning.”

TALIESIN: We feel that.

MATT: “So where are you wanting, are you looking
for the boys? The Steelbringer’s Forge first, or

"going to my pop’s place?”

TALIESIN: We’ll go to your father’s place first. I
think we’ll maybe, if we’re in the mood, pop into

their place while they’re not home, perhaps.

MARISHA: Who? What, the Fitz and that guy?

MATT: “Okay, follow me.” She gets up and finishes
her coffee, sets it back down, and you guys take

whatever scraps remain of your breakfast and make
your way back out into the street.

LAURA: Pocket bacon! Before we leave, I ask Irena,
who’s still in the Zone of Truth, are you really

interested in Fjord or are you just flirting with
him because it makes you some money and stuff?

MATT: “Both? I’m a businesswoman, but I’ve got my
needs.”

LAURA: Oh. Okay. Thank you. I cast Locate Object
on the coins.

SAM: Already? We’re not there yet. Now? Okay.

LAURA: It lasts for ten minutes. What if it’s in
the tavern still?

SAM: Makes sense.

MATT: Okay, so you cast it. You’re in the tavern.
You’re not getting anything.

SAM: Let’s run!

TALIESIN: We’re going to put you on a cart, and
we’re going to take the cart.

LAURA: I feel like we’ll walk faster than the cart
will go.

TALIESIN: Will we walk faster than the cart will
go?

MATT: In the town, getting the cart around can be
a bit of a pain. It’s comparable, but you also

have to deal with a cart.

LAURA: Let’s walk quickly!

MATT: Rissa leads you further through the Shelf. At
this point, once again, the town is fairly quiet,

and most folks you do see in the street are in the
process of carrying supplies. There are a few

horse-drawn carts that have stacks of metal ingots
that are being taken from above or below, or vice

versa. You can see partially made metal plates and
curved structures of larger things that are being

developed and created separately and then all
being brought to a singular location, probably

down near the artillery yard. It’s a very
interesting black and white, day and night

separation of how the people live in this city. A
short jaunt around, probably the spell does fade

before you get there, but you’re still not picking
up any blip. About a few minutes after the spell

fades, you get to the outside of a small shack.
It’s got metallic siding, there are rivets in it.

You see it has a roof that is metal sheets. There
is a smokestack on top that’s giving out this lazy

smoke drip that makes its way into the sky, and a
sign out front that says “Tinkertop Inventions.”

MARISHA and LAURA: Aw!

TRAVIS: When we get there after our run, I chuck
up a little salsa into the back of my throat and

swallow it down.

TALIESIN: Really? All right.

MATT: She goes (sighs). Rissa rolls her eyes, and
knocks on the metallic door. “Yes? Come in.” “Dad,

"it’s me. I have some friends here, they just want
to say hi. They got thieved.” “Oh, that’s all

"right, come on in, certainly!” (sighs) She opens
the door, and on the inside, you already hear the

whirring of hundreds of tiny clockwork objects. On
the inside, you can see, wall to wall, clocks of

all sizes. Some broken, springs exposed. Some that
are fixed, and clicking away. Some that have small

sculptures that move in a circle around a central
area. You can see partially made pulleys, small

toys that are set up on the corner, some wooden,
some metal, and all of them have some sort of

built-in clockwork locomotion to them, though they
are currently still. There are two sets of

lanterns that are hanging in the back, giving the
faint light which is, as you enter, giving this

dark silhouette to a lot of these objects, but as
you walk into the light and look behind you, you

can see the detail work in them, and they’re very
beautiful and very well-made. It’s at that point you

hear a (crash) “Ah! Ugh!” You glance over and you
can see, hopping up and down, running his hand

like this, this older gnome character with patches
of white-gray hair, this big bush of a white

beard. It’s well-trimmed up here and then comes to
a point at the bottom. Very large spectacles with

a number of smaller and even smaller lenses in the
front of it. He’s currently wearing a leather

apron and sleeves that are rolled up, and one of
his hands is currently now bleeding on the edge

and he’s like (distressed noises). “I’m terribly
sorry about that! Come forward! She said you’re

"the friends of my lass there. How are you doing?
What’s your names?”

TRAVIS: Morning. We’re The Mighty Nein. We had the
pleasure of meeting your daughter yesterday. She

showed us a great time last night.

MATT: “Oh, did you, dear? That’s so nice! You’re
making friends.” Rissa’s like, “Dad, please stop

"it. Look, they just wanted to come by, they had
some questions, I think. Do what you’re going to

"do, please, so we get going.”

TALIESIN: How close are we to the other houses at
this point? To the boys?

LAURA: Probably not within a thousand feet.

MATT: The boys, she mentioned earlier, are a few
blocks down, or a few buildings down and up from

where you are. “Well, at the very least let me
introduce myself! I’m Mastermaker Cleff Tinkertop!”

LAURA: Cleff or Cliff?

MATT: “Cleff.”

TALIESIN: I was excited to see what sort of
stuff–

MATT: “Creator and experimenter of all things
metallic and clicking!”

LAURA: Your shop is beautiful!

MATT: “Thank you so much! I appreciate that! So
yeah, what can I do for you?”

LAURA: Do you have any little toys that Kiri would
like?“

MATT: "What’s–?”

SAM: Kiri’s our little daughter, she’s a bird.“

LAURA: Kiri is right here.

MATT: You look over and Yasha’s still behind. Kiri
(chirping). He’s like, "That’s a mighty big bird!”

LAURA: She’s a little girl.

MATT: She leans forward, looks up to him. (like
Cleff) “She’s a mighty big bird!” He’s like,

“That’s a nice trick on that one! I like that.”

LAURA: She’s very talented.

MATT: “Do you like–” and he pulls this small
contraption, it’s actually a miniature version of

what you saw those large bolt throwers that were
constructed out front, where it has this bowed arc

and there’s a small, blunted stick in it. He goes,
“All you do is pull back on this trigger.” Ping!

It fires off, narrowly missing the side of Beau’s
head, hits something, and you hear glass shatter

in the background and he goes, “Oh, maybe not that one.”
Puts it back. (cranking) And hands something over

to Kiri, who accepts it. There’s a moment where
things are awkward and there’s a tension, and

you’re about to go– before it opens up and from the
inside you see this tiny metallic bird, its wings

flap up and down. A music box begins to play
(metallic song) and Kiri, looking at this, begins

mimicking exactly the sound of the music box
(metallic song). It’s almost one beat behind it,

until it synchronizes, and she’s mimicking at such
an incredibly fast pace behind it that they’re

almost in unison, until eventually it slows down
and comes to a stop. Kiri looks back to you (chirping).

LAURA: Do you like it? How much is that?

MATT: “Oh, that one, it’s a beautiful piece. I’ll
be happy to let it go for about three gold pieces.”

LAURA: Three gold pieces. I think that’s worth it,
Kiri. Okay. Three gold pieces.

MATT: There’s a whole smattering of cool
contraptions, now that you’re looking at the back, too.

Some that look like they could be armaments,
almost. Some that look like they’re the insides of

larger machine pieces.

TALIESIN: What’s the thing you’re most proud of?

MATT: “Ah, proud of, now? I have one thing I’m
working on, if you want to see it.”

TALIESIN: Oh, absolutely!

MATT: “Okay! I’ve been hoping they’d pay attention
to this. Since the whole war’s going on, I think

"it’d be quite useful. I’ve lost some good favor
with folks in power, but I hope maybe this will

"turn my fortune around.” He goes around, off to
the shelf, and pulls this down, and a bow of some

kind that’s affixed to this large device. It looks
like a crossbow, but it’s got a heavy crank on one

side, and it has all these extra grooves put in
where it’s easy to assemble a bolt in there. The

actual shaft of it is made of this polished,
treated wood, with metal casing where the grip is.

It’s like a half-clockwork, gear-based crank hand
crossbow.

TRAVIS: A repeating crossbow.

MARISHA: It’s a repeating crossbow.

SAM: How does it work?

MATT: “Well, you lower the bolt into here, and you
crank it back real fast,” and it’s like

(squeaking) as he cranks it, “I probably have to
oil this. Crank it. Then, you just release!” This

one goes, just parting Caleb’s hair, into the roof
above.

LIAM: How many gold is that toy?

MATT: “Well, this one, you see, I had a friend of
mine go ahead and help prepare it

"with some magical enchantment.”

LAURA: (distorted) Whoa!

SAM: What the fuck was that?

LAURA: I don’t know, it sounded like a cow, or
like a manatee was at the table, I don’t know.

MATT: “I call this one The Tinkertop Boltblaster
1000.”

LAURA: Whoa!

TALIESIN: What happened to the other 999?

LAURA: How much is it?

MATT: “This one runs just over 2000 gold.”

LAURA: Whoa, that is a lot of gold.

MATT: “Well, it’s my prototype, so if I’m going to
let it go…”

SAM: Am I allowed to rob him?

MARISHA and TALIESIN: No.

MATT: Rissa’s like, “Dad, they don’t want it, it’s
fine. No one wants all your bullshit, please.”

TRAVIS: That’s not true, it actually is quite
impressive.

MATT: “You wouldn’t say that if you’d known what
some of his other things have done.” He gets quiet

for a second and recoils, quietly hurt. He goes,
“It comes with the job sometimes. Not everything

"works out like you hope.”

TRAVIS: You said you’d lost some favor with people
in power. I don’t mean to pry, but would you mind

sharing what happened?

MATT: “Uh–” and Rissa’s like, “Ah, it’s– you
don’t have to answer him. We can go find the

"boys.” “It’s all right.” Make a persuasion check.

TRAVIS: Come on. Shamone! Oh, yeah, that’s a 20.

MATT: 20? You see his trepidation there, and he
goes, “You look like you’ve got an honest face,

"so: I was working on a job here for the wardens of
the Gearhold Prison down below. I was helping them

"and came up with, at their request, what would be
a clockwork warden. Something that could help keep

"watch over some of the more dangerous and
difficult inmates of the prison below. And I did

"it. I was very proud of it. On its first foray, it
had some faults I didn’t see coming, and we

"couldn’t control it. It began to just destroy
whatever was in its way.”

LIAM: Are you speaking of an automaton?

MATT: “More or less.”

LAURA: Did it kill people?

MATT: “They tell me. They keep it down there
still. They’ve sealed it off and it’s been

"there for the better part of two years and every
now then, they like to remind me. I didn’t mean

"anything bad by it. I was just doing my job and I
thought I was very proud of my work. I didn’t see

"the problems there. I was just trying to help.”

MARISHA: How do they remind you?

MATT: “They come by and tell me.”

TRAVIS: Are there punishments levied against you?

MATT: “Thankfully, not many. I’m still paying off
my fine. They were going to try and destroy the

"thing, but unfortunately they’ve had to allocate
their attention to many places, and now with the

"war coming, I don’t know if they’ll ever get to
it. But as long as it’s down there, it’s a black

"spot on my name, and her name.” Rissa goes, “Dad,
just please stop it.”

LAURA: We could destroy it.

SAM: Or get it back for you.

LAURA: And then you could give us the crossbow.

MATT: “I don’t want to send any more people to
their death, at the very least.”

LAURA: We’re really strong.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we’re kind of death-adverse.

MARISHA: Plus, we would love to pay for your
crossbow, but we’re currently light.

TRAVIS: Fuck, we’re broke.

LAURA: All of our money was stolen. All of their
money was stolen. I was sober.

MATT: “Good for you.”

LAURA: Thank you.

MATT: “A learned lesson for the rest of you.”

LAURA: It was a choice, you know. Everybody else
was like, “Let’s get drunk!” and I was like, “That

"is really bad and I should probably stay sober.”

MATT: “I’m very proud of you. I mean, that sounds
very kind of folks that wandered in here naught

"but a few moments ago.”

SAM: What would you do if you had the thing back,
or–

MATT: “Oh, I don’t want it back, I just want it
gone. I want it destroyed, I want it taken care of

"and buried. I don’t want to touch it.”

MARISHA: Wait, who wandered in here before?

MATT: “You.”

LAURA: Yeah, he was just talking about us. You’re
still drunk, aren’t you?

TRAVIS: Are you afraid this clockwork warden could
be used for malign purposes?

MATT: “I don’t think it could be used for anything
but just killing what’s in front of it right now.”

LIAM: So they have it penned in, but it is out of
their control?

MATT: “From what I know. You’d have to go ask the
Wardenhelm. I don’t go down there places. I mean,

"I can’t expect you to do something like that. It’s
very sweet of you to offer.”

TRAVIS: It’s tit for tat. In this case, we’re
short on coin, and you make mighty fine objects.

Seems to have caught the eye of most of our
group.

MATT: “I mean, in a theoretical space, which is
where I live most of my days, if you were to put

"this blight to rest, I’d be happy to give this to
you free of charge and my thanks.”

TRAVIS: We will take it under consideration.

MARISHA: And, just while we’re talking, you
wouldn’t happen to know of any criminal

undergrounds, thieves’ guilds, pickpocketers,
people of the night?

MATT: “I don’t–”

MARISHA: Roamers of shadows?

MATT: “I don’t delve in those places. I’m sorry.”

LAURA: Vampires, zombies?

MATT: “I don’t know what’s going on!”

SAM: It’s okay. Calm down.

TRAVIS: Cleff, do you also have simple arms?

MATT: “I deal with more detailed arms. If you’re
looking for simple, you’re probably going to go to

"the Steelbringer’s Forge.” Rissa goes, “That’s
where the boys will probably be. That’s where they work.”

TRAVIS: Probably heading that way anyway. The
anvil.

SAM: Cleff, you know, you seem to have a fine eye
and talent for mechanical devices.

MATT: “Thank you very much.”

SAM: Do you ever have any need of alchemical
combinations with your mechanical devices?

MATT: “I’m always looking for fine oils. Clockwork
tends to need to be lubricated.”

SAM: I think I have a little oil, if you need it.
As a sign of good faith. Didn’t we get oil at some point?

LAURA: I don’t think so.

MARISHA: I threw mine at a troll.

SAM: Wait. Oh, wait, no. I have holy water. That
is not the same thing.

MATT: “That’s all right. Don’t worry about it.
That’s okay. If you come across some oil, I could use it.”

SAM: All right.

MATT: “Rissa. I like your friends.” She’s like,
“Thank you, Dad.”

TRAVIS: You raised her good. She’s been taking
good care of us.

MATT: “Have you found work yet?” “No, Dad. I’m
working on it.”

TRAVIS: Awkward.

SAM: She’s working for us.

MATT: “Right, I’m working for them.”

TALIESIN: At the moment.

MATT: “Good, good. Proud of you.”

MARISHA: Subcontractor work isn’t too bad of a
living.

MATT: “Oh, no. It’s still a living. That’s more
than some folks in the Empire can say.”

SAM: We need her Social Security Number for a 1099
by the way.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I believe she’s incorporated. She’s
incorporated.

SAM: Well, okay. Then we’re fine.

MATT: Any good gnome is incorporated. I mean,
that’s a cultural thing.

LIAM: Fucking Hupperdook bureaucracy.

MATT: 13th birthday they get their S Corp set up.
It’s great.

(laughter)

LAURA: Okay okay okay.

TRAVIS: Cleff, we appreciate your time. We are
going to venture out.

MATT: “Of course. I expect nothing. I really
appreciate you being so kind. Good luck.”

TRAVIS: Our compliments on your work. It is truly
spectacular.

MATT: “Take care of my Rissania.” She’s like–

ALL: Rissania!

TRAVIS: There it is.

TALIESIN: That was what I was hoping for, and it
happened.

MATT: You can see her shiver at the door and then
just run out. “Goodbye! Take care!” (ping)

Something shoots off. “Oh, damn it.” As you all
leave and exit out, she’s out there fuming outside.

SAM: He’s adorable.

MATT: “He’s something. He’s certainly something.”

MARISHA: As we leave, I grab the bolt that he shot
into the wall over Caleb’s head.

MATT: Okay. You pocketed a bolt.

MARISHA, TALIESIN, and LIAM: Pocket a bolt.

TRAVIS: So Lasagna, should we try and find our way
over to the–

LAURA: Steelbringer’s Forge?

MATT: “Right. Come on, I’ll lead you over to where
the boys are. You going to rough them up again?”

LAURA: They’re only a couple blocks away?

MATT: “Right. Just right around the corner. Come
on, I’ll show you.”

LAURA: Should I try casting it again?

SAM: Yes.

TRAVIS: Wait a minute.

TALIESIN: Not yet.

MARISHA: As we walk over there, I say: Hey,
Rissa.

MATT: “Aye.”

MARISHA: You got a good dad. He really loves you.

MATT: “I know. He’s just… he’s difficult at
times. It’s hard to scrape under a family name

"when it’s been through the ringer.”

MARISHA: Sometimes family names aren’t all that
they’re cracked up to be.

MATT: She gives you a look over. “I agree.”

MARISHA: What’s more important is that he really
cares for you. Don’t take that for granted, all

right? And I slap her on the back and keep
walking.

LAURA: Yeah, and the fact that you know him is
really cool, too. Anyway.

SAM: Wow, so many daddy issues.

MARISHA: I was going to say, me and Jester hold
hands and we skip off.

MATT: You guys are led down past a few buildings
and then around the corner, and while most of the

heavy metalworks is done down below on the ground
floor of the base of the mountain, the more

refined metalworks are done up here on the Shelf.
As you approach, you can already see the

Steelbringer’s Forge, which has a number of
shields and swords on display, armor bits, and you

can see simple tools are crafted here. As you
step, already looking into the main chamber door–

which is open, because it’s so hot in there, they
have to keep a breeze going through– there are

two forges going at any given point in time. There
are two anvils set up. You see a few gnomes at

work and indeed, both Fitz and Ashton are both
working as assistants. They’re not actually

banging the hammer, but they’re both helping move
things and quenching into the water and then

helping gather materials and holding the metal and
rotating it on the anvil as their bosses are

hammering down. They don’t seem to notice your
arrival.

LAURA: I use Thaumaturgy to make it sound like
whispers of Infernal all around them.

MATT: (hammering)

ALL: (speaking Infernal)

MATT: “Hold back, boys!” There is one male gnome
and one female dwarf that are both sitting there,

grabbing their nearby warhammers, look around.
They look over and see the shadows in the corner.

“What beast brings their way into our workplace?
Name yourself!”

LAURA: Oh hi!

MATT: They look at each other. The dwarf female
goes (hammering) back to work. You see the two

assistants look over and go– and put their heads
down and keep focused on their work. The gnome

says, “Just take a break. Hi, can we help you?”

TALIESIN: We’re here to talk to those two.

MATT: “What did you do?” He slaps with a cloth,
and the assistant’s like, “Ah! I didn’t– gah!”

“What did the boys do? What’d they do?”

LAURA: They might have been party to a crime, we
don’t know. We’re investigators.

MATT: You can see across the way Ashton’s like,
(gasps) and the dwarf goes, “Well then, best go

"talk to them.” Gives them a little kick to the
side, and they both take their hammers down. They

take the metal off and put it back in the forge to
heat, and they both rest and cross their arms and

watch. The two boys look at each other and
sheepishly step forward. “Hi, miss. What can we

"do? What are you asking about?” “Yeah, what can we
do?”

MARISHA: We talk in here, or are we going to take
them outside?

MATT: Rissa goes, “I don’t know. Kind of like to
do it in a place of business, that way we can keep

"it above the board, you know?”

TRAVIS: Indeed. I’m sure their employers are not
fond of thieves in their midst.

MARISHA: I look back at the boys and I say: Sit
the fuck down.

TRAVIS: Ooh, it’s on!

MATT: They both grab nearby stools and sit down.

MARISHA: Here’s the deal. This guy’s super fucking
charming. He’s going to talk to you first. You

don’t want to talk to me.

SAM: She’s not charming.

LAURA: At all.

TALIESIN: In the least.

MARISHA: Deal?

MATT: “Deal.” “Deal.”

MARISHA: My man Fjord is up!

LIAM: I wave my hands a little bit and say, “I
suggest you help this one find the things that we

"are looking for,” and I cast Suggest.

MATT: What’s the DC on that?

LIAM: That is 16, wisdom.

SAM: On one of them or both?

LIAM: One of them.

MATT: Which one, Ashton or Fitz?

LIAM: Fitz.

TRAVIS: Yeah, Fitz did seem like a prick, didn’t
he?

TALIESIN: I like that it was not even a question.

MATT: Fitz looks at you and goes– and looks right
to Fjord, the spell seemingly taking effect.

MARISHA: I crack my knuckles, intimidate them a
bit from behind.

TRAVIS: Fitz, I understand that you might have
felt a little slighted by last night’s encounter.

MATT: “Oh, no, you know, I’m just–”

TRAVIS: I didn’t say you could talk. What I want
to know is, when you came back into the bar last

night, did you see fit to rummage your way through
some good, hard-working people’s coin purses?

MATT: His eyes go wide. “No, not at all, no. What?
I wouldn’t. I earn my money.”

TRAVIS: How about your friend Ashton over there?

MATT: Ashton looks back. “No, sir, we were just
looking– we were just joshing, we were just

"playing with Rissa, that was all!”

MARISHA: I pull out my staff. Do a cool little
flourish.

TRAVIS: See, now we’re in a dangerous territory,
because once that staff comes out, she’s got to

hit something with it, and it’s not going to be
me. Listen, Fitz. The best thing you can do here

is wrack your brain real hard, and think: have
you ever seen anyone around that establishment

that might take advantage of some people enjoying
some good imbibements?

MATT: (whimpering)

TRAVIS: Oh, Fitz. Tick tock, tick tock.

MATT: “I don’t know! Maybe, um–”

MARISHA: I take a few steps forward.

TRAVIS: Oh no.

MATT: Make an intimidation check.

MARISHA: Oh, Jesus. It’s not really my strong
suit.

TRAVIS: I know, it’s mine.

MATT: I’ll let you both make one, because you’re
doing it together.

MARISHA: Oh, that’s not too bad. 13?

TRAVIS: 16.

MATT: They both look at each other and like,
(stuttering) “There are probably some people who

"could’ve taken things. I don’t know. There are
shady folk in there all the time! We don’t have

"your money! I swear I didn’t do anything!”
(sobbing)

TRAVIS: We’re making kids cry. This is amazing.

MATT: Ashton’s like, “Come on! Get it together!”
and kicks him and is like, “We’re being completely

"honest. We saw nothing, we took nothing. We were
just getting our rocks off freaking people out,

"and then we went back and got some drinks.”

TRAVIS: You don’t know anyone else that has made a
habit of doing this regularly, then?

MATT: “Not personally, no. Most of them end up in
the Gearhold.”

SAM: Should I pour this vial of acid on them?

MATT: (screaming)

TRAVIS: You might get it ready, Nott. I feel like
we’re not getting anywhere here.

LAURA: You know where Ol’ Blemmy is from?

MATT: They both look at each other. “Well,
originally, he used to be an ice sailor up north,

"by Ice Haven, but he retired ten years ago.”

SAM: No! Now! Where does he live now?

MATT: “I don’t know!”

SAM: By the way, ice sailor sounds like the
coolest job. What does that even mean?

MATT: Ice sailor would be a person that forges the
frozen depths up north.

LAURA: Whoa!

MATT: The people you see on The Deadliest Catch?
It’s that kind of a job.

SAM: Mixed with Ice Road Truckers?

MATT: Sure.

TRAVIS: Fitz, I’m going to talk to my colleague
here. If you move, Beau is going to take your head

off. Don’t. Move. (whispering) Okay, we got them
right where we want them. Just fucking act like

you don’t like what I’m saying. Look agitated.

MARISHA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Look more agitated, right now. More
grimace. Give me nostrils. Nasolabial fold. Really

work it. There it goes. (louder) All right. I
talked to her, Fitz. Listen, she will stay her

staff if, in the next 24 hours, you work your ass
off and you find out who took our money.

MATT: “Okay, okay.”

MARISHA: God, my staff is just vibrating–

TRAVIS: Easy, Beau. Remember what you said!

MARISHA: I don’t know about this, Fjord!

TRAVIS: This is not going to go well for you
unless you can produce some results.

MATT: He looks to Ashton. Ashton’s like, “Okay!
(stuttering) No, we’ll ask around! We’ll do–

"that’s okay! When the bosses– ” “You can look
when you’re done with the forge. When the whistles

"blow? Have at it.”

LIAM: Fitz, I suggested that you do everything in
your power to help my friend Fjord, and for the

next eight hours, that is what you will do.

MATT: Fitz is like, “I have to work! It’s my
livelihood!”

TRAVIS: Well, if you got to work, you got even
less time. Better be motivated.

MARISHA: You know, in this case, I would weigh
between your livelihood and your life. Can’t have

one without the other.

LAURA: Oh no. You guys, you guys.

SAM: What? What’s wrong?

MATT: Their spirits are pretty crushed right now,
and they’re both like–

LAURA: They’re going to get fired.

SAM: You feel bad?

LAURA: I do.

LIAM: How much do these young men make in a day
here?

MATT: They both look at each other. “On a good
day? We give them about a gold for a day’s work.”

LIAM: I want this one, particularly, working now.
Why don’t we stake their salary for the day? We

take care of that, double it even. We need these
two. We pay for the loss of their work today?

MATT: They nod. The gnome steps forward, takes the
coin, if you present it.

SAM: We don’t have any.

LAURA: Oh god, guys!

MATT: That’s four gold, so that’s three of them
for the two gold. He goes, “Okay, you boys go get

"your work done here and we’ll find some
replacements, and you hope they aren’t better than

"you are.” The boys are like, “Yes! Yes, sir!”
“Yes, sir!”

MARISHA: I crack my staff on the floor and I say:
Get fucking moving, then!

MATT: They get up and grab their stuff and then
dart out into the street.

TRAVIS: Excellent.

SAM: Should I shoot them down while they run?

TALIESIN: Not yet.

MATT: The two forge workers–

TALIESIN: Now.

MATT: There’s a pause, like the two workers at the
forge look at each other and look at you guys and

go (laughs). “I’m not going to lie, those boys are
going to be pissing their pants for a week after

"that. That was enjoyable.”

TRAVIS: Yeah, might scare them straight.

MATT: “I hope so. They need it. They’re a couple
of pissants. Anyway, we’ve got to go find some

"replacements, but thank you for helping out with
the transition, at least.”

TRAVIS: It’s our pleasure.

TALIESIN: We hate to bother you, also, but we did
actually get robbed, and if you have any idea

where we should start looking to actually–

SAM: Everyone. Everywhere.

MATT: They both look at each other and be like,
“Maybe ask down at the Assembly Yard? There’s a

"bunch of weird folks that wander down there.”

TALIESIN: I like weird folks.

MATT: “Lifelong industrial hammer workers. Not a
lot of craft and skill. Mind gets a bit addled.”

TALIESIN: Bless you.

LAURA: Thank you.

MATT: “Of course. Anyway, we’ve got to go get back
to work.”

TRAVIS: We take our leave.

MATT: You guys wander outside?

SAM: On the way out, can I just ask that gentleman:
Do you make any of those things that we’ve seen

around here?

TALIESIN: Scissors?

LIAM: Octopi?

SAM: (stammering) The pistols. Do you make those
here?

MATT: “Oh, no. We don’t specialize in firearms.
Those are all regulated by the Empire. Those are

"designed down in the Assembly Yard.”

SAM: Oh. Thank you. Good day.

MATT: Or that would be the Iron Lot is where that
would be made.

SAM: The Iron Lot.

TRAVIS: Yeah, when we were in there, the shields and
swords, they looked fairly standard, or were there

some that were like “holy shit!”?

MATT: No, they seemed pretty standard. I mean,
well-made. Looks like a lot of places like this

are in the process of developing weaponry, not
just for home use, but probably sending it out for

the field.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Rissa, how far are we from this
Assembly Yard?

MATT: She goes, “The Assembly Yard is down in the
bottom half of the city, so it’s say about an

"hour, hour and a half walk?”

TRAVIS: And just out of curiosity, the Silver
Falls, the residential area, how far is that?

MATT: “Well, that’s that way, about 25 minutes to
get to the actual Falls themselves, and you see

"all the little towers over there, those are where
all the homes are assembled in that place.”

TRAVIS: Ol’ Blemmy’s over in the Silver Falls,
that residential area. Do we want to go there, or–

SAM: Our list of suspects is as follows!

TRAVIS: (softly) Oh, shit.

SAM: The pianist! Blemmy! Rissa! The girl!

LAURA: The little girl that was asking for money.

SAM: Fitz and Ashton! We’ve eliminated as possible
suspects: Fitz and Ashton, really, they’re really

lame. The pianist!

LAURA: Why?

SAM: Because you did Locate Object within his–

LAURA: You’re right, that’s true, we did do that.

SAM: Rissa! Because she was in Zone of Truth.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: That leaves our suspects Blemmy! And the
girl.

TRAVIS: But we have no leads on the girl, correct?
No one saw her, knows her name–

MARISHA: Blemmy might know the girl.

LAURA: I saw her. But I did not ask her name.

SAM: But! She has your copper pieces!

LAURA: I gave her silver!

TRAVIS: You did.

SAM: You did! Could you find those specific
silver pieces? Or the money she stole from us.

TRAVIS: Do you bite your silver pieces before you
put them in your coin purse?

MARISHA: Did you lick it?

LAURA: I don’t. But I do draw dicks on a lot of my
money. But I don’t think I did it to those.

TRAVIS: Like, little tiny dicks?

LAURA: Well, I have really good paint, you know.

SAM: So we go find Blemmy!

TRAVIS: Silver Falls.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Silver Falls. That’s the residential area.
Where the finger towers apartments are.

TALIESIN: We can keep asking, has anyone had
anything purchased–

LAURA: That was a lot of money!

TALIESIN: With dicks on it.

LAURA: That, too. No, wait, because they didn’t
steal my money.

TRAVIS: If there was a way to ask about–

LAURA: I have a whole pouch full of money, you
guys, right here.

TRAVIS: If you could ask about large purchases,
that would be a good idea.

LAURA: Big pouch.

TRAVIS: Silver Falls?

SAM: Silver Falls!

SAM, MATT, and LAURA: (singing to tune of Silver
Bells) Silver Falls…

MATT: With Rissa guiding you guys back, you manage
to make your way outside of the main Idle Shelf

area and in towards the cluster of the Silver
Falls. As you approach, you can see the beautiful,

very wide waterfall that cascades down about a
thousand feet, across the mountainside, until

eventually it falls into this large lake, where
you can see columns of steam are rising up. The

closer you get, you begin to realize that there is an
element of this lake, this waterfall, and some

sort of a steam engine-type mechanism built into
the surrounding rock that they use to fuel

probably the furnaces and elements of the
technology within this city. As you begin to hit

the residential area, you can see these large,
somewhat crooked-looking towers that themselves

are maybe what would be the equivalent of 1500- to
1000-square-foot apartments, but stacked four or

five on top of each other, with spiraling stairs
on the outside to go to each level. There aren’t a

lot of folks currently at home, other than
stay-at-home dads or moms that are watching

children, some folks that are putting out laundry
on lines that are connecting between multiple

towers and are dangling up two or three stories
above the street. But they’re all made of dark

irons and blacker metals, so it gives the district
this very weirdly– what’s the word I’m looking

for? A whimsical Industrial Revolution feel. It’s
a unique mixture.

LAURA: Dr. Seuss meets–

MATT: Kind of. Or a hint of Howl’s Moving Castle
in places. There’s also that spray of the

waterfall hitting the lake behind, which gives
occasionally this light misting of water through

the air. You can see faint bits of rainbow that
come through where the mist hits the sunlight as

it makes its way across the waterfall spray.

LAURA: You said the waterfall goes up a thousand
feet.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: And the apartments don’t go as high as
that.

MATT: No, not at all.

LAURA: So if I got in the middle of the area and
cast Locate Object, it would do a really big

radius. It would reach at least the top of the
buildings.

MATT: Oh yeah, very much so.

SAM: Let’s go.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Okay. As you make your way through, you’re
not entirely sure where Ol’ Blemmy is, but you

make your way towards where the middle, Rissa
says, of the district is–

TRAVIS: Keeping an eye out for old, craggly
sailor-types.

MATT: Sure. Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: Me? Yep.

LAURA: Should I cast Locate Object while we’re
walking around?

LIAM: In a center spot?

SAM: Will you be able to cast it again?

TRAVIS: Eight.

LAURA: Yeah. I mean, if I use up all my spells
today as like, this kind of thing.

SAM: Why did you–

MATT: It’s a 2nd-level spell. Do you want to cast
it again or not?

LAURA: I can.

SAM: Just while we stroll through the town?

MARISHA: Through the residential district.

SAM: Sure. I guess. What are you searching for?

LAURA: The drinking coins, right?

LIAM: Yeah, the tokens.

MATT: The tokens?

MARISHA: I think it’s the best way to go.

LAURA: Cast spell.

MATT: Okay, you cast Locate Object. You
concentrate and focus, extending your

consciousness, focusing on one of these wooden
tokens, the one that was won by one of the members

of your party. (pop) You get a blip behind you.
Not quite in the district, but right where the

Idleworks Shelf transitions into the residential
area on the Idleworks Shelf. You get (boop).

LAURA: (gasps) Ah! I turn around and start running
towards it.

SAM: Follow her! She’s a bloodhound!

TRAVIS: Throwing up while we do it.

MATT: You guys dart after Jester, making your way
down the road, running, (panting). You’re closing

the distance. You weave through a couple
buildings. You’re out of the residential part of

the district again and you’re back into the Idle
Shelf, but on the very back end of it. There’s

warehouses and there’s small buildings, and
eventually, you come to the destination and it

looks like it’s a small building. There’s a sign
out front that just says, “Butcher.” And it’s

boarded up.

TRAVIS: Yep. That motherfucker had leather apron
with shitty-ass sleeves.

MARISHA: He totally fucking did.

SAM: Was it Blemmy?

MARISHA: No, it was the guy with the nasty fucking
beard.

SAM: They all had nasty beards. Duncan, Valkin,
Ruth, and Tanya.

LAURA: It was Duncan!

MARISHA: Duncan! That was his name! Right, the guy
that you drank across?

LIAM: We should probably keep our voices down in
the street–

TRAVIS: Let’s turn it down.

MARISHA: Wait, was Duncan the nerdy guy?

SAM: The first guy was Duncan. Valkin was the next
guy.

LAURA: Valkin was the guy that fought Caleb. Okay,
let’s go. Should we just go in?

TRAVIS: No. Who’s going to guard the back?

SAM: Oh, we’re going to circle around?

TRAVIS: Fuck yeah! If she’s getting a beacon.

MATT: You see Kiri pulls out her knife and goes,
(like Jester) “I can send a message.”

TRAVIS: Oh no. No, Kiri, this is where we’re
stealthy, all right? Knife goes away. Shh. Nice.

MATT: (like Fjord) “Shh. Nice”

LIAM: Do we want to send Nott or a cat in?

MARISHA: Is there a roof to this thing?

MATT: There is a roof, yeah.

TRAVIS: Two story? One story?

MATT: It’s one story. It’s not a huge building.
It’s maybe three rooms?

MARISHA: I parkour on the roof.

MATT: Make an acrobatics check.

SAM: No, wait. Can we surround it first? Jesus.

MATT: She’s already up.

TRAVIS: She hops up there, I run around the back.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: We surround the building.

LAURA: I’m going to stay in the front.

MARISHA: Ooh! 25.

MATT: All right. You guys surround it. (landing
footfalls)

MARISHA: Are there any chimneys? Soft spots in the
floor? Skylights?

MATT: There isn’t a skylight, per se, but you do
see there is a little smokestack that’s about

three feet wide or so. Two and a half feet wide.

MARISHA: I’m going to peek in. Can I see down?

MATT: Make a perception check.

MARISHA: (fake coughs) Okay. 14.

MATT: 14. Glancing inside, it’s dark, except for
you can see the little beams of sunlight that are

coming through the slats of wood on the roof.

MARISHA: Goggles.

MATT: Glancing inside, looking through, you can
see four figures in there that are currently not

moving and they’re all clustered together in the
far corner.

MARISHA: What do they look like?

MATT: They look gnome in size.

MARISHA: Okay. They’re just huddled together, you
said?

MATT: They’re huddled together, and they’re not
moving.

SAM: I will take out my wire and–

MATT: You look and they’re starting to look
around, like they might have heard a noise.

SAM: I whisper to Beau using Message, “What do you
see? You can reply to this message.”

MARISHA: (whispers) Four individuals. Huddled
around. They’re either the assholes or hostages,

it’s hard to say.

LAURA: (whispers) Should we all go in at the same
time? Oh you can’t hear me; we’re not Messaging

together.

SAM: No.

LAURA: (whispers) I’m just talking to myself.

MARISHA: Hey, I’m going to–

SAM: We don’t know what you’re doing.

TRAVIS: Is there a door or a window on the back at
all, or is it just like–?

MATT: No, there’s a door in the front, and a door
at the back. The door in the front is like a

sectional door, a top and a bottom, looks like it
can be opened separately to sell out or wants to

bring and sell meat over that side. The back is
just a general door; it looks almost like a

storage space or a back entry to it.

TRAVIS: Outstanding.

LIAM: No open windows?

SAM: Should we draw them out?

MATT: There are windows, but they’re boarded
over.

SAM: We’re just going to bust in? What if they
have traps and bombs?

MARISHA: I’m going to very gingerly lean over the
edge of the roof where Fjord is. I’m going to say:

(whispers) On the boom!

TRAVIS: (whispers) Okay.

MARISHA: I’m going to go back over to the chimney
very gingerly, pull out one of the firecrackers,

one of the bottle rockets, light it with the
tinderbox, and drop it in.

TRAVIS: Awesome!

MARISHA: Is the chimney wide enough for me to fit
in? Santa Claus-style?

MATT: You can try, yeah. You can certainly try.

LIAM: There was a back door, too?

TRAVIS: Front door, back door.

LAURA: He’s at the back door.

MARISHA: You guys are at the front.

MATT: (loud popping) It goes off. On the inside is
a flash of light. You hear screams.

LAURA: We’re going in!

MATT: You guys all burst inside. As you break
through the doors, wood splinters on the inside,

light breaks in, and in the corner you can see
what looks to be four gnomish children.

MARISHA: Fuck!

MATT: Two of them teenage, two of them younger,
all scared out of their minds. The teenagers are

trying to protect the two younger ones. You can
see a pile of gold around them on the ground.

They’re just like (panting).

LAURA: You took the money! It was the little
girl!

TRAVIS: Easy. Easy. Easy. We’re not going to hurt
you.

SAM: I will kill them all!

TRAVIS: No, Nott! It’s fine. You’re not in any
danger.

MATT: There is a gnome girl, the equivalent of
like 17 or so with very brown, curled hair, it’s

this uncontrolled mass, dirty on the cheek. A
younger boy with short red hair is the other

protector of the two. Their clothes are pretty
dirty. Then there’s the younger girl that you saw

wandering through the tavern, who’s on the ground
clutching a stuffed bear.

LAURA: Didn’t I say it right away? I said it right
away!

MATT: You see a boy that’s a little older than
her, about nine you would say, equivalent, with

very long, brown hair that’s around the shoulders,
and they all just look scared.

TRAVIS: Nott Detective Agency always gets their
man! It’s all right.

LAURA: Hey. I know you, I saw you. Right? I gave
you some money?

MARISHA: (coughs)

MATT: She’s not talking.

LAURA: You. Stole. From. Our. Friends. Not. Cool.

SAM: You went down a chimney.

LIAM: It’s not in character.

MARISHA: (coughing) Sorry, wrong pipe. Keep
going.

LAURA: I totally thought you were just doing the
“went down the chimney.”

MARISHA: (coughing) As I cough my way down the
chimney, “I’m coming!”

MATT: You look up as she comes out the bottom in a
big old plume of soot. Just covered.

MARISHA: I’m a little late and I look at the girl
and I say: It was you!

TRAVIS: No, Beau, we’re already winning.

MARISHA: Sorry.

MATT: The older girl, “Look, we don’t mean
nothing, we’re just trying to get by, okay? We

"didn’t realize how much you had on you, and to be
honest, it was both exciting and scary. Just don’t

"hurt anyone, please.”

LAURA: We’re not going to hurt you. Just give it
all back.

MATT: “Take it.”

LIAM: No parents at all?

MATT: The girl looks sad for a moment, saying,
“Not for a little while.”

LIAM: How much have you hoarded up here? Just us,
or more?

MATT: “We’ve scrambled coins here and there over
time, keep on by. Most everyone here only keeps a

"few coins in their pockets. Hence our surprise
when this came about.” The younger boy goes like,

“Yeah, we don’t expect this kind of a payload.”

TRAVIS: How old are you?

MATT: The older girl goes, “I’m Gail. I’m 17.”

LAURA: Gail!

MATT: The older boy goes, “I’m Austin.” The little
boy with longer curly hair goes, “I’m Jude.” The

older girl points to the little girl and goes,
“That’s Layla.”

TRAVIS: You said you haven’t had your parents
around for a while now? What happened to them?

MATT: They all look at each other, and the older
boy sits forward and goes, “Well, they got

"arrested.”

TRAVIS: Doing what?

MATT: “Got arrested for idol worship. False
worship.”

TRAVIS: Here? In Hupperdook?

SAM: What god were they worshiping?

LAURA: Was it the Traveler?

MATT: “No. Changebringer.”

TRAVIS: The Changebringer?

MATT: “Avandra. It’s been in the family for a long
time. Every six months, the tithe collectors come

"through, and they noticed they’d forgotten to put
away their idol worship. They locked them up.

"They’ve been in the Gearhold ever since.”

TRAVIS: Tithe collectors?

MATT: You know about those. Those of you who’ve
been in the Empire, part of living in the Empire

is about every six months or so, there’s a tax
man, a tithe collector that goes through, usually

with a couple crownsguard. You recognize them by
black cloak with gold trim, usually dark clothing.

They go building to building, business to
business, inspect ledgers, ask about their

business, look at the means in which they’re
living, and then make an estimation of what they

owe. They then collect the money and move on their
way. But you know this from your studies, this is

also used as a means of inspecting for any illegal
activity and anything that goes against the Crown.

Often a lot of people get arrested for that.

TRAVIS: You all brothers and sisters?

MATT: “We are.”

TRAVIS: And your parents’ names?

MATT: “Gilda and Wallace Schuster. We’re
Schusters.”

TALIESIN: How long have you been pickpocketing,
then?

MATT: “Only about three months.”

TALIESIN: Mostly success at this point?

MATT: “So far, so good. Most people don’t seem to
pay much attention to the younger kids.”

TALIESIN: Well, this is good. This is a very
valuable lesson. If you ever come across a purse

like this again, you just take a tiny bit of it,
and then leave the rest.

MATT: “We just grab it and run, we didn’t know how
much was here until we got back.”

TALIESIN: Well then, you just bring it back
immediately. Obviously you take five percent.

MATT: “Right, no, I understand.” Gail says, “We
understand, sir! We’ve learned our lesson!”

MARISHA: Look, because you were so good at your
job, keep this. I hand him 20 gold. Look, I

appreciate good work when I see it, all right? You
got our shit. That was pretty damn good.

MATT: “Thank you.”

TRAVIS: Gail, you been taking care of your younger
siblings this whole time?

MATT: “I’ve been trying, best we can. Our parents
worked as butchers, so we had some food to keep us

"going for a while, but when stuff got thin and
begging wasn’t working out, we, you know, did what

"was necessary. And I’ll do what it takes to make
sure my siblings stay healthy.”

TRAVIS: You been holed up here, or you on the
move?

MATT: “We’ve held up here. This is where we grew
up.”

TRAVIS: How long before the tithe man comes back?

MATT: “Anytime now, really. It’s been six months.
But we ain’t much of a business at this time.”

MARISHA: Is there anywhere they take kids? Kids
separated from their parents? Or do they just not care?

MATT: “I hear stories, they round them up and
throw them to Rexxentrum in orphanages, and we

"don’t want to go there.”

MARISHA: So you’re just avoiding them.

TRAVIS: Gilda and Wallace. Let me ask you, if we
were to somehow get your parents out of the

Gearhold prison, would you stay here?

MATT: (nervous chuckle) “How would you intend on
getting my parents out of the prison?”

TRAVIS: I’m the one asking questions here.

MATT: “I mean, legally? We’d probably stay here
and reopen the shop.”

TRAVIS: You don’t seem to be taking my meaning. If
we were to reunite you with your folks, would you

get out of town right quick?

MATT: “If it were by means where people would come
looking for us, we would definitely be heading

"somewhere other than here.”

TRAVIS: Give us a moment, will you?

MATT: “All right.”

TALIESIN: How soft are you getting?

SAM: It’s very clear. We have Kiri already. We
take these four children with us, and we keep going.

MARISHA: And we start a children’s band.

TRAVIS: The Partridge Family.

MARISHA: Yes, exactly!

LAURA: We can teach them the dances that we have
been learning, and working on!

TALIESIN: If I’ve learned anything, you don’t work
with animals or children, and we’re rapidly

getting both!

MATT: Hey man, attach them all by chains to your
armor, and you guys are the new Dread Emperor!

LIAM: Throwback!

TRAVIS: Keyleth! No, but seriously. Listen,
they’ve obviously done a fair job of

taking care of themselves. We could toss them some
coin and wish them well.

TALIESIN: I see no problem with that.

TRAVIS: Or, if we’re serious about returning Cleff
with his (tongue click), might as well see if we

can get a little extra friend or two out.

TALIESIN: Let’s make no promises, but again–

TRAVIS: No promises, but man, if we have an
opportunity to reunite these kids with their

parents, that’s a pretty special deed, don’t you
think?

TALIESIN: You are so soft!

LAURA: Can I ask a shitty question?

TALIESIN: Oh, please!

LAURA: If we take the time right now to break
their parents out and get that automaton, are we

going to lose time on the thing for The Gentleman?

LIAM: Yes, we are.

TRAVIS: Man, I entirely forgot.

SAM: But we still have weeks left, don’t we?

MARISHA: But it’s still another three or four
days.

SAM: You have a means of contacting The Gentleman.
You could ask for a three-day extension.

TALIESIN: I tend to find these sorts of jobs,
asking for a three-day extension does not go well.

You’re given the time, you do the job, you finish
it, you don’t ask questions, you don’t ask for special–

LIAM: Haven’t you been working for the circus for
two years?

TALIESIN: That’s what I’m talking about. When
you’re in a circus, sometimes you get paid to do

gigs. Things have happened. I’ve run a couple
things in my time.

LAURA: Insight check.

MATT: Insight check?

TRAVIS: I think it’s, “Do I believe him?” right?

MATT: Yes. Do I believe him?

MARISHA: But insight check has become such a
thing!

TALIESIN: I’m into it.

MATT: Frustratingly so, yes!

TRAVIS and MARISHA: But the DM hates it!

MATT: I find it amusing.

LAURA: Sorry. Do I think he’s lying?

TALIESIN: We’re a circus! Of course we’ve robbed
people! My god, we have robbed, swindled, we’ve

been robbed, we’ve gone back and found the people
who’ve robbed them, sometimes we don’t! Oh my god, yes.

LIAM: Does that mean that your cards are bullshit?

MARISHA: Of course they’re bullshit, they’re
fucking cards.

LAURA: No they’re not, they’re super true!

LIAM: I am asking Mollymauk.

TALIESIN: You’re asking if my cards are bullshit?
My cards are not bullshit.

LIAM: I want to say “insight check” so bad, but I
won’t say it!

TALIESIN: I know you do! But you won’t say it.

SAM: Caleb, you have a photographic memory, as you
remind us every session. How long do we have until

our time is up with The Gentleman?

LIAM: DM will fill that information in.

MATT: Let’s see, we had about three days traveling
there. Since you left, you have about two and a

half weeks, I’ll say, estimated at the moment.

SAM: How long would it take, do we think, to get up
north there, if we went straight? A week?

MARISHA: From Hupperdook?

MATT: I would say, off the top of my head, a
little under a week.

SAM: So we’ve got a couple weeks! We have a day
or two to spend on some prison breaking.

TALIESIN: We’ve got a day or two to spend on this,
but not a week.

MARISHA: Hang on. This thing has been a problem
for years, the clockwork warden? Why don’t we just

go, finish our stuff, we have to cross back
through here, anyway.

LAURA: And come back?

MARISHA: And come back and finish the job.

LIAM: We already have a job.

SAM: Beauregard, don’t you think they should be
reunited with their father who loves them very

much, and wants to be with them?

MARISHA: Of course I do. They’ve been scrappy for
long enough. They can be scrappy for another week

or two.

LAURA: They don’t even have to be that scrappy
now.

TRAVIS: They said the tithe man could return any
day.

SAM: And take them to an orphanage.

TRAVIS: What if we come back and they’re gone?

SAM: It would be horrible if they were taken away
from their home and given to some people who would

do horrible things to them, or mistreat them for
their whole childhoods, leaving them as cold,

heartless, resting bitches.

TALIESIN: Didn’t you almost open fire on these
children not more than 30 seconds ago?

SAM: That was an intimidation tactic. I would
never hurt a child!

TALIESIN: Of course you would!

SAM: No, I wouldn’t! I love children.

TRAVIS: You’d eat a child.

SAM: That was an accident!

TRAVIS: I knew I saw you drooling!

TALIESIN: This is why I don’t miss the circus.

LAURA: Okay. What are we doing?

LIAM: It depends on how altruistic this group is.
We already have a job. I mean, I will defer to the

group, but we have a job and we are on a time
table.

TRAVIS: I would really like the opportunity to
leave this place better than we found it,

especially for these kids.

TALIESIN: I’m not saying no, I’m just saying
remember that we are hired hands.

TRAVIS: I understand. If it goes sideways, it goes
sideways, and we run. But if we can keep them out

of an orphanage, I would be most grateful to all
of you.

TALIESIN: I’ve done dumber shit.

LAURA: All right.

MARISHA: I mean, Nott’s over here trying to pull
my heart strings, but it seems like you should be

the target. You have a thing with kids and
orphanages?

SAM: Were you an orphan?

MARISHA: Separated from dad?

TALIESIN: Have you ever eaten an orphan?

LIAM: Ja, so much for sticking to the plan.

SAM: Were you an orphan?

TRAVIS: Yes. I was. They’re terrible fucking
places.

SAM: Sorry.

TALIESIN: Say no more. I’m in.

MARISHA: You know, I’m interested if there’s a
master lever to this prison. Just prison break,

see what happens.

TALIESIN: That sounds like a terrible idea.

LAURA: Maybe we can negotiate our way into the
prison and say we’ll take care of the automaton,

and while we’re in there, we can sneak around and
set the parents free.

MARISHA: All right, if we do this, I think we need
to give ourselves a hard time limit that we all

stick to, because the last thing that I want is
for the fucking Gentlemen with his vials of our

DNA coming after our asses.

TRAVIS: Agreed.

LAURA: As long as we give him some notice, I think
it will be okay.

MARISHA: I have a feeling The Gentleman isn’t a
guy that negotiates on time periods.

TRAVIS: The effort is all I ask for. We’re a
clever group. Surely we can survey, come up with a

plan, try something. If we fail, we fail, and
we’ll move on with our objective. I can’t leave

here without trying.

LIAM: I would like it to be predicated on us
coming up with at least a respectable plan, not

willy-nilly, fly in with our balls out.

TALIESIN: I’m also in it for a crossbow.

MARISHA: I guess it doesn’t hurt to ask The
Gentleman, if worst comes to worst.

TALIESIN: Just remember, you either get the
nickname “The Gentleman” because you are one, or

because you’re really not.

LAURA: Ooh, good point.

TRAVIS: How about we bring the kids back in, we
give them a little coin so they stay out of

trouble, for the next–

MARISHA: They have 30 gold on them.

LAURA: They got a lot of gold on them.

LIAM: That’s a lot of money.

TRAVIS: We tell them to stay put, unless they’re
getting food.

TALIESIN: I’m gonna give them– nope, never mind.
I’m not going to give them that, because that

would be a terrible idea.

MARISHA: Caleb, how long does your string theory
work?

LIAM: String theory?

SAM: Eight hours, right?

LIAM: Eight hours, yeah.

MARISHA: What time is it?

MATT: At this point, it’s probably pushing one or
two in the afternoon.

LIAM: Do we have any food we can leave for them,
so they don’t have to–?

SAM: I have some human jerky left over.

LAURA: I did pocket some of the breakfast from
this morning.

MATT: You did, yeah. Do you give that to them?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: The kids hungrily accept, and devour, evenly
dividing amongst them. They feed the younger kids

first and then whatever is left over, the older
ones take. They say, “Thank you, I really

"appreciate that.”

TALIESIN: I’ve got a good idea. I’m going to give
the older one one of my rings. I’ve got these

strange little rings that I left over. Keep that
on you, sell it if you have to, but see if you can

hold off for a while. If things go wrong, get
within 1,000 feet of the Blushing Tavern, hide and

wait, and we’ll find you.

MATT: “All right.”

TALIESIN: Hide.

MATT: “We’ll keep that in mind, thank you. Thank
you kindly.” Is it a ring finger, a finger ring?

TALIESIN: It’s a finger ring.

LAURA and MARISHA: It’s a fingering?

TALIESIN: It was one of the rings that we found in
the cave.

MATT: He puts it over his thumb. For his body and
size, it goes over his thumb. It’s still a little

loose, but it’ll stay. “Thank you. I don’t know
how we’ll repay you, but–”

LAURA: Question: what are we going to do with Kiri
right now, if we’re going down into the jail?

LIAM: I think she has a sleepover–

TRAVIS: With the girl we found, right?

MARISHA: And Yasha?

LAURA: Or with these fabulous kids right now? No,
Yasha needs to come with us. We need her help.

MARISHA: Oh, that’s true.

MATT: Yeah, Yasha’s like, “No, if we’re going into
a prison to kill something, I want to be there.”

MARISHA: That’s true. Sorry. Forgot what time it
was!

SAM: Well, we know how much the prostitutes cost
to watch Kiri.

TALIESIN: She said it.

TRAVIS: Or we could drop Kiri off with the little
girl that–

LAURA: Or Kiri can stay here with these wonderful
children.

LIAM: They are very capable children.

MATT: Kiri goes, (like Nott) “That sounds
adorable!”

LAURA: (gasps) Do you want to stay with them?!

MATT: (like Jester) “Okay!”

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

SAM: The children do owe us a little bit.

LAURA: Children, oh, Schusters.

SAM: Oh Schusters!

LAURA: Do you guys want to watch our little friend
here as well?

MATT: (chirping) The little girl walks up and
touches the feathers, and you see the feathers of

Kiri’s head (rustling) and her eyes close for a
second as she’s scratching the side of her head.

LAURA: She’s like you, though, so she’s not like a
pet or anything. She’s a real little girl, okay?

MARISHA: Hey Kiri, show them your music box.

MATT: (cranking) (music box chiming) It starts
playing, and the little girl leans in and they all

close in quickly. For a moment, you can see this
little unit of kids meeting a new friend, and a

friend meeting new kids. You’re like, okay, they
might be okay for a little bit.

TRAVIS: You take care of each other. You’re a
little temporary family for now.

MARISHA: He’s going to make some protection.

LIAM: Kinder, this is a thread I am going to put
around the chamber that you are living in, and I

will know if our little feathered friend or you
all leave. You’re perfectly welcome to. I’m just

letting you know that I will know, ja? Okay.

MATT: They all nod to you. Kiri looks to Fjord and
(dagger unsheathing).

LAURA: (whispers) Don’t stab any of the other
kids, okay?

MATT: (whispers) (like Jester) “Okay.”

TRAVIS: Remember, stay quiet.

MATT: (like Fjord) “Stay quiet.”

TALIESIN: Oh! So weird!

MATT: Leaving the kids there, you all quietly exit
the building, reaffirming the doors you had kicked in.

SAM: Oh yeah! Going to lean those up against the
door jamb.

LAURA: Oh! I cast Mending on the doors!

MATT: There you go! You manage to get the doors
back into a sizeable place and begin to discuss how

you’re going to tackle this next endeavor. And
that’s where we’ll finish this week’s episode.

We’ll pick up next week.

MARISHA: Such a good game!

MATT: Well done, guys!

MARISHA: That was funsies.

MATT: We’ll see if–

LAURA: Hey, we got the money back!

MARISHA: We got the money back!

MATT: See if you can earn your Tinkertop
Boltblaster 1000.

MARISHA: Oh my god!

TRAVIS: Could have just gone back and bought it,
but no, we want to go the expert level!

MARISHA: Yo, you can buy it or you can collect all
48 pinecones and then you just unlock it. It’s

like that.

MATT: Hey man! Good game, guys! Awesome!

LAURA: We should definitely rest before the next
part because I just used up all my 2nd-level spells.

SAM: We’ll do recon for the afternoon and then
we’ll attack tomorrow morning.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: Yeah, plan.

SAM: Unless this guy comes in the next week!

LAURA: Hey!

SAM: If that happens!

MATT: Oh my goodness.

MARISHA: (bass guitar melody)

MATT: My God! And on that note! Have a wonderful
week, guys. We’ll see you next Thursday for the

next stage of this crazy adventure. Remember, we
love you, and is it Thursday yet? Good night.

[music]

MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s
episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us

nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play
Dungeons & Dragons. And Sam makes noise from his

phone over there. Strangely.

SAM: I can’t turn it off! It won’t stop!

MATT: So a couple things. One, you’ll notice that
we’re down two players tonight. That’s because

apparently some babies can’t wait! So there is
currently a new addition to the Critical Role team

right now–

(cheering)

MATT: More information will be made available as
the parents see fit. I’m glad that I worked

towards a narrative exit for them that they
couldn’t be there for. So anyway–

ASHLEY: We love you, Travis and Laura!

MATT: Super excited. We love you guys so much,
seriously.

MARISHA: We love you!

MATT: You’re amazing, and we look forward to
meeting the new one very soon.

MARISHA: I love that you can’t emote.

SAM: I can’t smile.

TALIESIN: Just saying, they could’ve held the baby
five more hours. I feel like they could’ve done it.

MATT: I’m just saying, then we could’ve shared a
birthday.

LIAM: It is the best day! So much is going on. My
nephew is here, so many things are happening

behind the scenes. It is the best day!

MARISHA: It’s crazy.

TALIESIN: We’re so tired and it’s great.

MATT: So anyway, let’s get through our
announcements real fast. First and foremost, a big

thank you to our returning fantastic sponsors of
this campaign, D&D Beyond! Sam, if you don’t mind.

SAM: Guys, I didn’t know this. The D&D Beyond
discount code, 826LA, is still active for the 25%

off the legendary bundle. I did not know that. It
will be expiring soon, so please make sure to

check out the legendary bundle on the D&D Beyond
marketplace. Also, the site will be undergoing

some maintenance tomorrow, Friday morning, starting
at 7:00am Pacific for a few hours. The site will

be in read-only mode at this time. So, I don’t
know what that means. Also, the product director

Adam Bradford will be hosting a stream at 9:00am
Pacific during maintenance with some exciting

announcements! Be sure to tune in to
twitch.tv/dndbeyond (not and) to check it all out.

And just for my little extra here tonight, not
getting lost in the fact that Travis and Laura are

having the most magical day of their lives and
Liam is gone, I wanted to pay special tribute to

our little Ashley who’s leaving us for a while. I
feel like she should get some love too on her way

out the door. I composed a song for you in the
style of your favorite band, Boyz II Men.

ASHLEY: Ah, yes!

TALIESIN: How did you know?

SAM: (singing) How do I say goodbye… shit. To
our sweet, innocent harbinger of death fallen

angel? On NBC you play a geek, but you’re a real
one here with us every week. If we get to visit

Xhorhas, I hope Blindspot will let you play. But
until then, I hope Patterson dies every day!

ASHLEY: Yay!

MATT: Thank you, Sam.

SAM: That’s hard to do in a mustache.

ASHLEY: I can see the–

MARISHA: Are you committing to this all night?

SAM: This is what I did the first time through the
campaign, so that’s what I gotta do this time!

MARISHA: Holy shit. I thought this was for your
opening gag.

ASHLEY: Me too!

SAM: This is what I wore this time in the first
campaign.

MARISHA: I remember!

LIAM: So on this show where Ashley is about to
leave, baby Baileyham has just been born, I’m in

the woods, and we’re about to move, you decided to
wear that for the entire episode?

SAM: I did not decide. This was put upon me by the
fates.

MARISHA: You made that, though!

SAM: Yeah. I can’t un-make it.

MATT: Yep, it is a thing. Congratulations.

TALIESIN: It’s been a while, is the monkey Smokey
or the Bandit? I can never remember.

SAM: Oh, the monkey’s here, right? Okay, good.

LIAM: As long as that is on your face, you will
get no sugar from me, Sam Riegel.

MATT: No. Well, thank you very much, D&D Beyond.
Thank you, Sam. A couple other announcements:

because we’re doing this move, there will not a
Critical Role or Talks Machina next week. So we’ll

be missing you guys that week. We’ll see you on
social media and stuff and having chats to keep us

all through our withdrawal that we’ll be
suffering, and some of you I’m sure will as well.

But we’ll be back the week after that, the second
week of July we’ll be picking up with the Talks

Machina of tonight’s episode, then hosted by our
fantastic Brian W. Foster. Then the following

Thursday, the following episode, in which we will
have a guest, maybe two, joining us.

SAM: Oh, what? Okay. Will one of them be a baby?

MATT: No. I’m not that good at teaching this game.
I think language is an important barrier in

teaching D&D.

SAM: You’re pretty good, though.

MATT: Anyway, just so you guys are aware. Also,
for those who haven’t seen on social media,

welcome, we just launched a Kickstarter with our
good friends at Steamforged Games.

MARISHA: Holy shit, that’s right, that’s also
going on! Every day feels like a year.

MATT: So if you guys don’t know, we launched a
Kickstarter, it’s a short-form Kickstarter for our

line of Vox Machina and Mighty Nein miniatures.
For those who aren’t aware or familiar, we have an

entire line of highly detailed, super high quality
plastic minis of all of Vox Machina including

Trinket, and all of Mighty Nein. There are
stretch– I was going to say stretch goals.

There are Kickstarter exclusive rewards that
include Pumat Prime for The Mighty Nein, and his

three simulacrum! As well as a fantastic Taryon
Darrington and Doty for the Vox Machina side. Go

ahead and check it out, it’s going to be up there
for another week or so, I believe. If you can’t

afford it right now, you can even put a dollar in
there and we’ll have opportunities down the road

hopefully for you to jump in if you missed it the
first round. But when it comes down to it, you get

eight minis for Vox Machina, you get the Mighty
Nein minis as well, another eight minis, with

Shakäste involved in there. All the Pumats as
well, and the extra bonus features of Tary and

Doty, all for $60. Which is a pretty fantastic
package for the quality of these and for the

collectable aspect of it. If you like it, help
make it happen more! It’s already exploded, it’s nuts.

MARISHA: The boxes are looking so cool.

MATT: I haven’t seen the boxes yet.

MARISHA: I probably shouldn’t spoil that, but it’s
pretty cool.

MATT: I should see that. We’re super excited about
it. You guys have already blown it out of the

water. If you haven’t had the opportunity, now’s
the time to jump in and I hope you enjoy them. So

I believe that’s all the rest of the announcements
we have.

MARISHA: I’m so emotional.

MATT: So let’s bring it in to tonight’s episode of
Critical Role!

[groovy Critical Role theme]

MATT: And welcome back.

TALIESIN: That was a good one.

MATT: That was great. So last we left off: The
Mighty Nein, in making their way northward towards

their eventual goal of Shadycreek Run to complete
their second mission that they accepted from The

Gentleman in Zadash, have been traversing the
countryside and made their way to the city of

Hupperdook, the largely gnomish cultural city
there of industry and currently construction of

war machines to send towards the conflict with
Xhorhas to the east. There you saw the very hardy

work atmosphere of the gnomes, and then the
evening very crazy party atmosphere in which many

of you dove into a hard drinking contest. You won
the title of the Blushing Tankard Tavern, beating

out their old champions, and woke up with terrible
hangovers, and realizing that most of your gold

had been stolen. Upon doing some sleuthing around
the town, you had bullied a couple of bullies that

were pushing Rissa around, they had been a problem
for a while, sent them peeing their pants and

rushing. You spoke with Rissa’s father in his
tinkering inventor’s store, in which you

discovered a shiny object, a fantastic
experimental hand crossbow construct of his that

he would be interested in relinquishing without
payment if you do him the favor of correcting a

mistake he made a while back. Apparently he
crafted, on the request of the Starosta of the

city, a powerful Gearkeeper, a construct-like
entity that was meant to help be a warden within

the prison that went crazy, killed a bunch of
people and they sealed it off, and it’s been there

forgotten ever since. You said you’d take a look
at this. Eventually you discovered that the money

you had lost had been taken by four children, who
currently are without parents, who have been

living on the streets here in the city of
Hupperdook while their folks had been sent to the

prison six months before for being caught
worshiping unapproved deities within the Empire.

You, after having this conversation with them,
retrieving your money, and leaving Kiri with them

for the time being for safekeeping, decided to see
if you had the possibility to prevent them from

being sent to an Empire-run orphanage, in the
hopes of freeing their parents in some way, shape

or form from their binds. That was where we had
left off.

MARISHA: Where are we now? Are we still in the
butcher?

MATT: You guys have stepped out of the butcher
home, leaving the kids behind with Kiri, and you

are now out in the open streets of Hupperdook,
late morning, midday. What would you like to do?

MARISHA: Is Rissa still there?

MATT: Rissa is still with you.

MARISHA: Rissa? Sorry. Okay.

SAM: You said late morning? Midday? So we could at
least go check out this prison and do some

scouting before nightfall, yeah?

MARISHA: We were talking about planning, and then
sleeping, and then going.

TALIESIN: If we see those teenagers also, we
should probably call them off.

SAM: Oh, the teenagers.

MARISHA: I really would hate for our problem with
them to end up coming and finding the kids. My

words aren’t really here right now, you know what
I mean.

SAM: Yeah, you just had a baby, I understand.

MARISHA: Emotionally.

LIAM: Do we want to leave it up to chance that
we’ll run into those two kids, that they will not

succeed, or we’ll find them?

TALIESIN: At the very least, we can leave word
with their employer and if we run into them, we’ll

call them off.

MARISHA: I say we send Rissa to go talk to them.

SAM: Rissa knows the town, though, she might be
able to help us scout out this prison.

MARISHA: That’s true. Maybe we go back to their
employer?

TALIESIN: We’ll have Rissa meet us at the prison
maybe later. She can call them off and we can head

to the prison.

SAM: Why don’t we have Fjord and Jester go tell
their employers!

TALIESIN: (as Fjord) “Yeah, that sounds great!”
(as Taliesin) Never mind. (as Fjord) “Yep. Well.

“Great. Yep”

SAM: Which one are you? Are you Jester?

TALIESIN: I don’t know anymore. Who wants the
node, by the way?

SAM: Oh, yes. Well, let’s find out if we need it
yet.

MARISHA: Yeah, let’s hold on to it. Maybe there’s
going to be some sort of emergency situation.

TALIESIN: Fair.

MARISHA: Use node in case of emergency.

LIAM: Jester, could we perhaps hold on to your
backpack before you go so that we have that in

case we need it?

MATT: “No! I am going to hold onto this. Why would
I give it to you?”

LIAM: Well, I feel it is fairly obvious, but okay,
as you were.

MATT: “I’m not going anywhere, why would I give it
to you? This is my bag, I paid for it.”

LIAM: Ja. Okay, so what are we doing now?

SAM: I guess we’re all going.

MARISHA: This is revenge for any time we haven’t
let Matt go on an NPC, just saying.

TALIESIN: Let’s go take a look at this prison.

SAM: All right.

MATT: Rissa goes, “All right, I can go ahead and
lead you to it. Can’t say I’ve been too close to

"it, personally, so far. Follow me.” Rissa guides
you through the rest of the shelf back to the

walkway that winds down the front of the mountain
to the bottom half of the city of Hupperdook.

SAM: Lowerdook.

MATT: Lowerdook, if you will.

MARISHA: Wait, are Fjord and Jester going to go
call off the employers?

MATT: They’re with you guys. You can go head that
way if you want to call them off, unless you want

to send them on their own wild goose chase.

SAM: Fuck those guys. They’ll be fine.

MARISHA: I would just hate for them to find the
kids and then do something to the kids.

SAM: How would they find the kids?

TALIESIN: They’re literally on a mission to find
the kids right now.

SAM: Hmm.

MARISHA: I mean, we put Caleb’s Alarm across it,
but still.

SAM: We did.

ASHLEY: Still, if they get across.

MARISHA: Exactly. I don’t know.

MATT: “I could maybe send them a message?”

SAM: Oh, yes. You have that spell, don’t you?

MATT: “I do!”

MARISHA: Can you do it to the kids?

SAM: To Fitz and Ashton.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TALIESIN and MARISHA: Let’s do that.

SAM: To Fitz.

MATT: “Okay.”

MARISHA: Man, that solves that problem.

MATT: She quietly tugs on the symbol of the
Traveler and goes like, “Okay, Fitz? This is the

"girl with the people that were making you
angry–”

SAM: You have, like, eight words left.

MATT: “We… found it so…”

MARISHA: We don’t need help.

MATT: “Everything is good!”

SAM: Go back to work.

MATT: “I think that’s all of it.
Go-back-to-work!”

TALIESIN: Technically, “go back to work” can be
one word if you say it fast enough.

SAM: That’s true. A lot of that was hyphenated.

MATT: “The Traveler is very forgiving.”

TALIESIN: Grammar.

MATT: Rissa leads you down this path to the Iron
Lot, which is– you’re guided to the basement.

You’ve seen it as you approached and there was the
large platform elevator that rose up to the second

layer. It’s currently not being used; it’s locked
on the upper floor. As you head into that area,

the smokestacks are billowing strongly, business
is in the process of being done full-throttle in

the understanding that this coming conflict or the
now arrived conflict on the eastern side has put

everyone into overdrive to prepare whatever sort
of equipment or weaponry they can send that

direction.

SAM: And the stuff they’re making is catapults or
guns?

MATT: Well, from the outside, all you can see,
because you haven’t been inside any of the

warehouses– There is the Iron Lot and there’s the
Assembly Yard. The Assembly Yard is the one that’s

the open space where they’re building these large
siege engines. You see mobile carts that are

either horse-drawn or powered by something you
don’t quite understand yet that have other large

weapons attached to them.

MARISHA: We saw bolt-throwers, those giant
bolt-throwers. Like, Lord of the Rings-style.

Siege towers. Also Lord of the Rings-style.

TALIESIN: Very Lord of the Rings.

MARISHA: Battering ram, like every fantasy
movie-style, but definitely Lord of the Rings and

the huge cannons.

TALIESIN: Not very Lord of the Rings.

MARISHA: Pirates.

SAM: Cool.

MARISHA: That’s what we saw last– or that’s what
I think I saw when we did a perception check or

something.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

TALIESIN: And it looks like a big factory that
looks like a evil Willy Wonka factory kind of thing.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

MATT: Yes. So as you are being led down, Rissa’s
pointing out some elements of it. She goes, “Okay,

"so over that side is the Omnismelter.” She points
over to a cluster of a dozen or so warehouses that

are scattered in a spider web-like formation that
are connected by a series of hallways between each

other and then towards a central piece. She goes,
“That there is where most of the foundries of the

"city lie. Where all the various mined ingots or
those imported are melted down and utilized. The

"foreman there is a bit of a tool. There’s the
Armavault.” She points to the far northern side of

the mountain base and you see a 25, 30-foot tall
by 60-foot across iron door that is solid and

jammed into the side of this mountain. It looks
like it’s very well protected from this glance at

the distance. From what you can see, there’s maybe
two dozen or so crownsguard that are stationed at

its base. “That’s where most of the funds that are
saved for the uses of the city maintain as well as

"a number of the not currently being used devices
of war. Means of defending the city should it come

"under attack, if you will.” Points over there. You
can see what looks to be where most of this smoke

and steam is rising from. There is this one large,
two-story black tower that has a single column of

fast moving smoke pouring out of it. You can see
areas where the smoke seems to be pulsing or

darkening and widening at certain places. She
goes, “That there is the Underbellows. That’s

"where they utilize a number of the forges and
furnaces for the factories here. They’ve harnessed

"some of the volcanic activity beneath the mountain
and that maintains a consistent heat for the

"forges. Smells downright awful, to be honest. Over
there’s the Firemark Facility.” She points over to

a building that looks a little simpler. It’s not
super tall and ominous-looking. It’s very plain,

made of cheap metals. You notice all the buildings
here are mostly metal, probably because there’s a

lot of dealing with heat, fire, sparks, and the
last thing you need is any of these things to

catch fire. She points, though, to the Firemark
Facility and she goes, “This is where they’re

"developing a majority of certain explosive and
black powder-based technologies.”

SAM: What’s that place called again?

MATT: “It’s called the Firemark Facility.”

MARISHA: Firemark.

SAM: Is it heavily protected?

MATT: “(chuckles) Most everything is here. Then
right over there,” and she points to the southern

side of the mountain base of the Iron Lot to a
smaller doorway. Similar in shape and construction

as to the Armavault, but it’s a little more
localized. Maybe about 15-foot high and about

20-foot wide. “That is the Gearhold Prison. The
one you were asking about. The one where my father

"done fucked up.”

TALIESIN: What do you know about that machine he
built, anyway?

MATT: “It’s– have you ever seen an automaton
where they’re made of stone or made of clay?”

TALIESIN: Come across a couple.

MATT: “Imagine one that’s made of metal and gears
and blades. Lots of blades.”

MARISHA: What? Blades?

MATT: “Blades.”

MARISHA: Oh, god.

TALIESIN: Vampire Hunters. Sorry.

MATT: “It is covered in Daywalkers, yes.”

MARISHA: Do the blades spin?

MATT: “They do. The whole thing spins, actually.
It doesn’t have feet.”

SAM: It just rolls and cuts.

MATT: “Basically.”

MARISHA: Oh my god.

LIAM: It is animated by magical means?

MATT: “Partially magical and partially
clockwork.”

TALIESIN: Is it steam-powered? Or is it–

MATT: “The power source is magical, but most of
its actual locomotion is done through clockwork

"and various internal gears. It’s actually quite a
marvel to behold. It’s just–”

TALIESIN: It’s a magical power source, then.

MATT: “As far as I know. It’s not my mastery. It’s
my daft father’s.”

MARISHA: So where’s the source?

SAM: It’s inside of it, I would assume, right?

MARISHA: So if we get the source–

TALIESIN: Maybe?

SAM: What did your father call this “robit”?

MATT: “He referred to it as the Gearkeeper.”

SAM: The Gearkeeper.

MATT: “It was designed to be one of the
threatening wardens to help quell any sort of

"breakouts of the prison. Meant as an intimidation
device for those who attempted to rise up against

"their captors and possibly be its first initial
run to be a defensive sentinel for the city. If

"these things worked properly, having five or six
of them just rapidly on the outskirts of the city

"would probably keep anyone from trying to break in
here or make any sort of lawless act in its

"boundaries. Unfortunately, they’ve only made one
and it went crazy and killed a bunch of people. So

"there’s that.”

MARISHA: Yeah. Doesn’t sound like a city I’d want
to live in.

MATT: “Yeah, that’s why I’m trying to fix it.”

MARISHA: (sighs)

TALIESIN: They just let it– they’ve cornered it
into a–

MATT: “They sealed it off. They’ve been trying to
get back to it, but there’s a lot of distraction

"and honestly it’s out of sight, out of mind, I
think.”

TALIESIN: Honestly, we could just show up and say
we’ve been hired to try and take care of it and go in.

SAM: Would anyone believe that?

TALIESIN: We technically have been hired to go in
and take care of it. We’re just working in trade.

SAM: Not by the city.

TALIESIN: No, they know not by the city, so by a
private contractor.

LIAM: I am sorry, I don’t understand. You say
they’re too busy to deal with it. Have they got it

locked away in a vault while it just stomps
around?

MATT: “As far as I know, yeah. They’d originally
had it placed in the bottom floor in one section

"which had more of the very violent criminals and
killed a bunch of them. Not too bad. Killed a

"bunch of guards. That’s pretty bad. At the time,
they didn’t have the manpower to fight it off, so

"they sealed the doors and haven’t had a problem
since.”

ASHLEY: So was anyone else left in there with it?
That it maybe didn’t kill or–

MATT: “It’s been there for quite some time. A
couple years at least, I think. Two or three

"years? So if anyone was, they’ve expired, I’m
pretty sure. Sorry.”

ASHLEY: That’s fine by me.

SAM: Hmm.

TALIESIN: I think we’re going to have to do a
little more research, but I’m feeling pretty good

about our prospects.

SAM: Well, the main concern is getting in the
prison. I don’t know if walking up to the front

door and saying, “Hi, we’re here to take care of
your spinny death problem,” is going to work.

TALIESIN: We heard you have a bug problem. We’re
here to take care of it?

SAM: Do we need outfits or something?

TALIESIN: I mean, I suggest we wear shoes and
pants, but you know.

SAM: What, like Orkin man outfits, or do we need
to look like we’re official?

ASHLEY: Like a uniform of some sort?

TALIESIN: We could have a letter from your father,
perhaps?

MARISHA: Can we go get suits?

MATT: “That’s true.”

SAM: But they don’t like her father.

TALIESIN: Yeah, but they’d be perfectly happy if
we– We’re going in knowing full well what we’re

getting into. There’s no harm, no foul there.

MARISHA: Awesome black suits.

LIAM: Yeah, they certainly have nothing to lose.
We are a group of people claiming we’re here to

deal with their issue. We either die doing it or
solve the problem.

SAM: Heist-type maintenance workers uniforms?

TALIESIN: Okay. You really want to break into a
prison?

SAM: I just want to wear a onesie.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah.

TALIESIN: I feel like we can make that dream come
true.

MARISHA: Something with a big lapel. Maybe double
breasted. Sounds great. We would look so handsome,

you guys.

MATT: Jester leans in to Rissa and goes, “Rissa?
Do you have any examples of your father’s writing

"because I can copy it pretty well.”

SAM: Ooh. That sounds like something that’s way
too smart for Laura to say.

MARISHA: Oh.

TALIESIN: You’re so lucky she’s not watching right
now.

MATT: She’ll be watching.

ASHLEY: She probably is.

TALIESIN: She’s probably watching. Hi, Laura. I
would love to see if there’s any

sort of sketch or blueprint of this thing that we
could just take a look at first and maybe have a

thought of our plan of attack.

MATT: “I can guarantee you they’re not going to
have any publicly available blueprints of a prison.”

TALIESIN: No, I mean of the machine.

MATT: “Oh!”

MARISHA: Would your dad?

MATT: “We can certainly ask.”

TALIESIN: Just to sort of see what we’re getting
into.

MATT: You see that spark in her eye of a good idea
and then thinking about having to go back to her

father she’s like (sighs).

TALIESIN: We can go on our own, if you like.

MATT: “No, it’s fine. I’ll go. I’m used to him.
It’s okay. Come on.”

MARISHA: Does your dad like pastries? Does he have
a sweet tooth?

MATT: “I imagine he does. I’ve seen him eat a
few.”

MARISHA: Does he like pies?

MATT: “Probably.”

MARISHA: Let’s pick up your dad a pie on the way
home.

MATT: “Okay.”

MARISHA: People like pies, right?

SAM: I love a pie.

TALIESIN: I mean, I like pies but I’m a bad
example of so many things.

ASHLEY: I really like meat pies.

MARISHA: Meat pies. Would your dad like a meat
pie? I just hear people bring pies.

MATT: Fjord kind of leans in and goes, “That’s
good, Jester.”

MARISHA: Thank you.

TALIESIN: (snickers)

MARISHA: Beau. But that’s okay. It’s been a long,
emotional day.

MATT: Has been.

MARISHA: Hasn’t it, Fjord?

MATT: I have too much in my head right now, guys.
It’s been a long day.

SAM: Why? You playing five characters at the same
time?

MATT: It’s fine.

TALIESIN: This brings me back to some home games.

MATT: Thanks, Baby Willingham.

MARISHA: Oh man. So much, it’s been the longest
day.

MATT: It’s been the longest day.

LIAM: (chuckles)

MARISHA: We stop and get a meat pie on the way.

MATT: All right. Easy enough as you’re wandering
through the street, following the scents of food

that are being cooked in advance of the current
lunch hour happening. You hear a few whistles go

off in the distance and in that moment, Rissa
goes, “We best be hurrying before the rush hits.”

And you pick up the pace as you start hearing the
different steam whistles go off and you watch a

lot of the buildings begin to just swarm out with
all their workers on their brief lunch break. You

manage to stay ahead of most of the wave making
their way up to the top shelf of the city,

eventually coming to one of the vendors on the
outside who is swarmed by about 12 or 13 different

gnomes. You wait patiently for about a good 15, 20
minutes or so as they prepare and get all their

meat pies ready, sweet pies ready. Sell a few
things, a couple of their regulars cut in line in

front of you, not paying much attention or caring
that you’re waiting patiently. But there is a

large crowd behind you and you manage to get to
the front and the two gnomes that are currently in

the process of divvying this up look to the
rest of you and go, “Oh, you’re a right

"interesting team. What brings you here? You
looking for pies? We got pies. You want pies?”

SAM: We’d like a hospitable meat pie.

MATT: “Single?”

SAM: Oh.

MATT: “It’s not enough to go around, I can tell
you.”

ASHLEY: Well, we might need a couple.

MARISHA: One for us, one for him? Two meat pie–
sorry, three meat pies!

MATT: “All right!” Turns around and pulls out
three gnome-sized meat pies which are about that big.

ASHLEY: Oh.

MARISHA: Can we make that a double?

MATT: “Six gnomish meat pies!”

MARISHA: Thank you.

MATT: Passes them over.

SAM: We have money again, don’t we?

TALIESIN: Yes, we have our money back.

MARISHA: I throw down for the pies.

MATT: Okay. We’ll say for the total of that, it’s
maybe a silver.

SAM: When the whistles blew, Matthew, did we see
any guards do a shift change at the prison?

MATT: Because you were rushing to get the pies,
make a perception check with disadvantage at this

distance.

MARISHA: Mm.

SAM: Seven.

MATT: Seven. You have no idea.

MARISHA: That was super smart though.

TALIESIN: Yeah, no. That’s a good thought.

MATT: You have your meat pies. You want to make
your way over back to the Tinkertop.

MARISHA: I pass out meat pies to anyone who wants
one, but save one.

MATT: All right. So you have one ready. You guys
snack as you walk along. Interesting point of

noticing, as you guys come by, you do see a
familiar sight for you and for those who’ve been

in the Empire for a bit. You’re familiar with this
as well, Nott and Caleb.

SAM: Oh.

MATT: You see a crew. It’s two crownsguard that
are flanking one figure you see wearing a black

cloak with gold trim that goes just past the
shoulders. It’s almost like a shawl or a um…

brain escapes the term. But it’s like a short
cloak.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: These are the tithe collectors.

SAM: Oh, yes.

MARISHA: Taxman.

MATT: They’re referred to colloquially as Reapers
behind their back, but you see them exiting one

home and moving onto the next door and knocking.

MARISHA: Are they heading towards the butcher?

MATT: A ways away, but they’re present. It seems
that the time of year has come, the

every-six-month window seems to be coming or has
arrived. Nevertheless, you travel with meat pie in

hand, eventually making your way back to Tinkertop
Inventions, the door still partially ajar. You see

the faint light of the two lanterns in the back as
you enter, and there in the back you see, in the process

of sketching something down, your good friend,
Mastermaker Cleff Tinkertop. “Ah, you’ve returned!

"Certainly good to see you! What can I help you
with?”

SAM: We’ve brought gift.

MATT: “Oh, that’s so kind! Thank you so much!”

MARISHA: It was Rissa’s idea.

MATT: “Rissa, for your old pops, did you?” She’s
like, “Well, it was sort of a group decision. Hope

"you like it, Dad.” “It’s cold, but tasty. Anyway.”
He takes it and starts eating it, stuffing it in

chunks through his gnomish maw, getting bits of
the gravy dripping off of the chin.

TALIESIN: We’re going to take a stab at this death
machine. We were curious if you could–

MARISHA: I love that that’s what we’re calling
it.

TALIESIN: I like the description.

MARISHA: Spinning death machine.

TALIESIN: If there’s any information you can give
us about the machine, just so that we’re not going

in cold, like if you know if it has any
vulnerabilities to anything.

MATT: “Plenty! I built the thing myself. Don’t
worry!”

TALIESIN: If you can sketch it for us so we can
get a sense of–

MATT: “Oh, I’ve already got it. Don’t worry there,
friend. I’ll be right back!” Turns around and

disappears behind a–

SAM: We could steal the crossbow. We don’t have to
do the mission at all.

TALIESIN: Please don’t tell me that you’re going
to do that.

SAM: I could, just saying.

MATT: You hear some rustling and some things
falling over. A couple of banging noises, and then

you hear a (clattering), “Damn it.”

SAM: Is that a cymbal crashing?

LIAM: Being as the man’s daughter is standing
here with us, perhaps we will pass on that idea.

MATT: “Yeah, I can hear you, just so you’re aware.
I’m right next to you, little one.”

SAM: She’s clever.

MARISHA: No, she just has hearing.

SAM: No. She’s a wily one.

MATT: A moment later, Cleff returns, clutching an
armful of rolled pieces of paper and prints and

parchment and goes, “Here’s about everything I’ve
got on the thing.” Throws it down in front of you,

some of it unrolls. There’s various stages of
design, the breakdown of the mechanics and the

interior of this. It’s extremely intricate and
very impressive clockwork. Roll an intelligence check.

TALIESIN: Okay, but I’m not going to be able
to make heads or tails of any of this shit.

LIAM: Yes, I have questions about it as well.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Caleb, you are the one who is the most
proficient with understanding systems. If you

could make an intelligence check for me as well,
both you and Molly, since Molly was the first to

grab them.

LIAM: Oh. Natural one.

MARISHA: Oh no-sies!

SAM: He’s eating that extra meat pie.

TALIESIN: Eight.

MATT: You both take a moment and look over it.
One, it’s all written in Gnomish. Do either of

you guys understand Gnomish as a language?

TALIESIN: Does anybody understand Gnomish?

SAM: Gnome.

MATT: Secondly, a lot of the blueprints are in
shorthand, and the design work– while it’s very

beautiful to see– the actual sketching of each
stage of its construction and the interior

mechanisms about it are very beautiful, it is very
intricate. Paying attention to it and looking it

over, the best you can ascertain is there is a
core. There is some sort of a device that powers

it. Through the notes around it, it’s supposed to
power for about 200 years before it needs

replacing.

SAM: Just wait it out.

LIAM: It’s a good half-life.

MARISHA: It’s a Duracell.

MATT: However, around it is layer after layer of
metallic iron rings that are joined at certain

hinge points so they can spin and shift in the
inside like a gyroscope.

TALIESIN: It’s very hard to get a spell in there.

MATT: Yes. It’s not impossible if you pull enough
of the armor away, which is the next stage, the

layers of armor. There’s three different layers of
articulated armor that can shift and move because

on the inside there are about a dozen bladed arms
that, at any given point in time, can fold out of

the armor and strike like small scythes or sickles
and then retract inside.

SAM: You are fucking crazy, Cleff!

MATT: “That’s certainly not the first time I’ve
heard that!”

LIAM: Yeah, so Herr Tinkertop, once we are to
get past these defenses, would dispelling its

arcane nature shut the machine down?

MATT: “I mean, that’s possible. Oh, curses! I
should’ve thought of some way of a fail-safe to

"prevent that from happening. Well, next design!
Next design, it’ll be dispel-proof. Thank you for

"that! You’re a good–”

LIAM: The nutshell protecting that core needs to
be defeated first?

MATT: “I imagine to a certain extent. There is a
base level of insulation from impactful or various

"magical intrusions that could affect the core,
that I did think of. But there’s only really one.

"I should’ve put three.”

TALIESIN: We start pulling plates off–

MATT: He starts making notes feverishly.

TALIESIN: – start cutting our way through one
specific spot, we could eventually get to a point

where you could get some spells in there.

SAM: Or maybe Yasha could hit it with her sword.

TALIESIN: You may have to tank this.

ASHLEY: I will certainly try, this does seem like
a very–

TALIESIN: Is there a front and back to this thing,
or is it just a whirling dervish?

MATT: “The front and back is–” Dervish! That’s a
great pirate word, dervish! He looks to you and

goes, “There is, kind of.” He goes through one of
the papers and pulls it open and there are plates

of the armor– certain plates that fold up from
the inside. They open and there is a small lens,

like a crystal-type lens, that recesses on the
inside when it’s moving and then seems to push out

from it to see.

MARISHA: Okay.

SAM: Question. Can it climb?

MATT: “Depending on the terrain, probably. If it’s
flat-walled surfaces, it’s not designed for

"climbing. It’s designed for intimidation and
slaughtering. Perhaps my design was a bit

"unfocused for the reason they asked me to build
it, but, ah! Next time. Climbing? I don’t know,

"probably not.”

LIAM: And does it have any capabilities of
attacking at range?

MATT: “As far as I know, no, but it moves very
fast.”

MARISHA: These lenses, I’m assuming they’re
regular lenses? I don’t know, they can still be

blinded, right?

MATT: “Maybe. They’re made of a very thick
crystalline substance that had to be imported from

"up north from the remnants of one of the old elven
societies there that specialized in making strong

"crystal.”

MARISHA: So it’s super cheap and easy to break.
Imported. Great.

TALIESIN: It could possibly be blinded by
obscuring the lens?

MATT: “Maybe.”

MARISHA: I was going to say, if we can get
something to blind it, it’s still just a lens.

MATT: Starts writing down more notes. “Make sure
lens can’t be obscured in a future design.”

SAM: Cleff, when you were building this thing, you
were building it off-site I assume, right?

MATT: “No, I built it here!”

SAM: No, I mean off the prison site, not–

MATT: “Oh, right.”

SAM: So you don’t know any extra secret entrances
or exits to the prison itself?

MATT: “No, unfortunately, they keep us away from
all of that for security reasons. So I couldn’t

"help people break in or out. Like now.
That would’ve been very helpful. Sorry.”

LIAM: Would it be foolish to have you speak on our
behalf to usher us in?

MATT: “I don’t think they’re going to let me in.”

TALIESIN: Not you in per se, but if we show up as
representatives here to dismantle the machine?

LIAM: Yes, you’re finally ready to make amends, et
cetera.

TALIESIN: And you hired us to go in and do some
work.

MATT: “Maybe.” He looks at Rissa. “Rissa, would
you mind bringing your old pops with you?” She’s

like, “Only to the door, Dad, then you can come
back.” She glares over the two of you. “If that’s

"necessary.”

TALIESIN: Whatever works.

MATT: “Fine, come along, then. We’ll close up
behind, get your keys.” “Oh, I haven’t been down

"for a proper walk with friends in some time, I’m
so excited!”

TALIESIN: We should get some honey or something. I
bet some honey on the lens would be a real pain in

the ass.

MATT: He takes the last bit of meat pie and shoves
it in his mouth real fast.

TALIESIN: Do you have any honey?

MATT: (unintelligible shouting)

LIAM: I have honey.

TALIESIN: Of course you do.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Why not something darker? Like ash,
charcoal, black powder.

LIAM: I have that as well.

TALIESIN: What do you have?

LIAM: I have molasses.

MARISHA: That is darker.

TALIESIN: Why do you have molasses? This is
suddenly very exciting.

LIAM: I will tell you that in a few minutes,
actually, if that’s all right.

MATT: Jester goes, “This entire time you’ve been
holding out on delicious molasses?”

LIAM: It’s industrial grade, it is not for
baking.

MATT: “Are you sure?”

LIAM: I am quite sure. Did I stutter?

TALIESIN: Is this why your skin is so smooth?
You’ve been giving yourself a facial every night.

ASHLEY: Wait, what’s the difference between baking
and industrial grade?

LIAM: That is a good question, Yasha. I don’t cook
with it, I use it for arcane things.

TALIESIN: Magic molasses.

MARISHA: Actually, this brings up a– how much
molasses do you have?

MATT: (as Fjord) “Yeah, how much you carrying?”

MARISHA: That’s so weird. It’s so abrasive
sometimes.

LIAM: I have about the amount of a plum, wrapped
in–

SAM: That’s enough to smear a lens.

TALIESIN: I was thinking if we had a small glass
jar of it, we could give it a throw.

ASHLEY: We could also put a meat pie in the–

SAM: I could put a meat pie on the end of one of
my bolts and shoot it at it.

MATT: (as Fjord) “Pie-chucker.”

MARISHA: I feel like molasses would gum up
something that’s clockwork, right?

TALIESIN: It could help, it depends on how strong
the clockwork is.

SAM: Or just tar or something.

MARISHA: Yeah, something sticky.

TALIESIN: Bubble gum.

LIAM: That would be even better, if we could get our
hands on–

SAM: Maybe on the walk, we can see if we can find
a tar restaurant.

MATT: Rissa goes, “I mean, tar is not uncommonly
used in some of the industrial districts down in

"the Iron Lot.”

TALIESIN: And we do have some friends over there
that we just sent their young interns away on a–

MATT: “Well, the forge masters, they’re mainly in
metalwork. As far as tar use, that’s going to be

"down in the Iron Lot, and that’s going to be–
you’re on your own there.”

MARISHA: I mean, how do we transport it?

SAM: In a bucket?

TALIESIN: In a very gentle bucket or pot.

MARISHA: Heated tar? In a bucket?

TALIESIN: It doesn’t have to be hot. It just has
to be–

SAM: It has to be a little hot.

TALIESIN: Has to be a little hot.

MARISHA: Yeah, it gets hard. It’s tar.

MATT: Fjord goes, “If only we knew someone around
here who is pretty decent with fire.”

SAM: Hey, you could heat up a bucket of tar as we
walk into a prison. That wouldn’t be suspicious at all!

MARISHA: Once we get down! Once we get down!

LIAM: That is a good idea, Fjord. Also, Fjord,
congratulations on this, your most auspicious day.

MATT: “Why thank you. I appreciate you being so
forthright and appreciative, Caleb.”

LIAM: Yeah. Get your sleep while you can, and
don’t use the exercise ball to rock him to sleep

because then they get addicted to it, and that’s
the end of your sleep life yourself.

MATT: “I have no idea what the hell you’re talking
about.”

ASHLEY: Did you babysit a lot as a kid, Caleb? Is
this how you know so much?

LIAM: Oh, no.

TALIESIN: There’s so many walls being broken.
There’s like fourth wall, fifth wall, sixth wall.

It’s too deep.

MATT: You just broke the Prismatic Wall.

TALIESIN: We’re in the eleventh dimension now.
This is getting a little heavy.

MARISHA: He totally just took a thank you for not
his baby being born!

SAM: This is the worst night ever!

TALIESIN: Can I remove that?

ASHLEY: Please take it off!

SAM: No! I’m committed!

MARISHA: I feel like at break time last time, it
came off.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: You made it to break, I think.

SAM: I’ve got two spares if I need it!

MARISHA, ASHLEY, and TALIESIN: No!

MARISHA: Don’t do this to yourself.

MATT: At this point, as you guys are having this
awkward conversation, Cleff is rushing around

grabbing a coat and grabbing some other things,
filling the inside of his apron with various tools

and utensils, “Oh, I can probably use that. All
right, I think I’m ready to come with you.”

SAM: Let’s go.

MATT: You all step outside, and you get about 30
or so feet before you see Cleff’s pace is slowing.

He takes another step and keeps looking around.

MARISHA: When was the last time you left your
house, Cleff?

MATT: “It’s been a while. It’s starting to get a
little warm.” Rissa is like, “He’s kind of a–

"what’s the term?”

MARISHA: Agoraphobic.

MATT: “Agoraphobic, if you will. He’s a bit iffy
on the outside. Are you sure you’re all right,

Dad? You can still stay.” “No, no, it’s fine. I
want to hang out with my friends here. (nervous laugh)”

SAM: Do you need a drink to soothe your nerves?

MATT: “I don’t– I’ve never had a drink. I don’t
need a drink, but thank you.”

SAM: But it would really help.

MATT: “Well I–” and looks over.

TALIESIN: How about just a huddle up? Huddle up,
let’s just–

MARISHA: Just us?

TALIESIN: No, we can put him in the center.

MARISHA: Huddle around him, okay. We perform a
protective–

MATT: You all get really close to him. He’s like,
“Oh, this is really warm. This is a lot of attention.”

MARISHA: No, not that close. We’re making a safety
bubble.

MATT: “Oh, all right.”

TALIESIN: I mean, it could be warm.

LIAM: This is silly. I take off the cloak that
I’ve been wearing for a week or so now, and I just

put it over the man’s head.

MATT: (muffled yelp)

LIAM: No, oh, sorry.

SAM and MATT: In a comforting way.

(laughter)

LIAM: To disguise his appearance.

SAM: In a smothering way.

MATT: He takes it and pulls it over his head. “All
right,” and he, “Let’s go (nervous chuckle).” And

is like, “One step, two step.” He’s basically Bill
Murray in What About Bob? at this point. He’s

concentrating on each step he makes going
forward. It’s slowing you down a little bit, but

he’s making it forward. Rissa is like,
(exasperated groan). You eventually make your way,

further and further.

SAM: We’re just going to walk up to the guards and
say we’re here to dismantle the “robit,” right?

TALIESIN: We are professional robot dismantlers.

SAM: All right, let’s do it. Who’s going to be
doing the talking?

TALIESIN: Well, we’re going to stop and pick up
some tar on the way there and– I nominate the

human to talk.

MARISHA: Ah, I can’t nominate Fjord?

SAM: Yeah. Yeah, no, I think Fjord would agree
with that.

MARISHA: Do you believe in me, Fjord?

MATT: “You know, if I have learned anything it is
that you are full of surprises. So by all means.”

MARISHA: All right, tar first.

SAM: Tar first. Where do we go for tar, the Iron
Lot?

MATT: Rissa looks. “Iron Lot’s most likely. I’ll
keep an eye out, follow me.” She leads you guys

down the switchback path, once more down to the
Iron Lot, the bottom shelf of the city. There,

upon keeping an eye out, Rissa is looking back and
forth. On the outskirts of the Firemark Facility

she’s like, “No, I don’t think they’re going to do
much as far as tar goes. Honestly, a lot of it’s

"probably based somewhere in the Assembly Yard.
That’s where they’re making the bigger constructs

"and having to piece together wood exteriors.”

MARISHA: Is that far from here?

MATT: “No, it’s on the northern side of the bottom
shelf.” She leads you guys over to the outskirts,

and there is a big fence that wraps around the
Assembly Yard, where a lot of these thin standing,

skeletal towers of metal are placed against some
constructs that are in partial levels of

construction. Others are empty and not currently
in use. Other ones seem to have been near

completion, and they’re in the process of
preparing and breaking down the various siege

engine for transport to the east. Who’s keeping an
eye out to see if there’s anything that could be

used like tar? Who’s looking for this?

SAM: I’ll look for that.

MATT: All right, make a perception check, please.

SAM: 18.

MATT: 18, not too bad. You take about five minutes
or so to case the vicinity, and looking between

the gate, you can see, two towers over, there is one
partially constructed, wide bolt-thrower cart that

only has one that’s currently bolted to it. You see that
they’re taking leather elements and tarring them

around the edges to prevent any sort of impacts
from splintering the wood that’s carrying it. It

looks like from there, they go with a leather case
and put metal over that and bolt it down. But in

the process they do have what looks to be a couple
of small pails that have some thick, black,

tar-like substance that they’re putting around the
edges.

SAM: And we’re behind a gate? And there’s
workers everywhere?

MATT: There’s probably, within current view of the
open portion of this side of the Assembly Yard,

about 20 or so workers that are in the middle of
focusing on their work at hand. But it’s in an

open space, with maybe 20 to 30 feet open between
each project tower. So, it’s pretty open. You’d

have to be creative.

SAM: This is at the Assembly Yard?

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: I take my staff out. And I go (vibrating
ring) across the gate.

SAM: Ah, why would you– no.

MATT: As you do so, (vibrating ring) across it,
Rissa goes, “Ah!” And you look at the nearby

tower, maybe 25 or 30 feet ahead to the north of
you, one of the gnomes at the top of the tower is

currently hammering away at one of the large
constructs, siege tower-like structures. Looks

over, pulls the goggles up, “Hello?”

MARISHA: Good money or trade for some supplies!

MATT: “Piss off.” Puts the goggles down.
(hammering)

SAM: We could just walk in and pretend to be a
worker and just grab a bucket.

MARISHA: I thought we’re behind a gate, like
locked out.

SAM: We could just sneak in the gate.

MARISHA: Just sneak in?

LIAM: I have an idea. I could summon Schmidt, and
it would be a slow process, but he could carry it

a couple of inches, low to the ground, and wait,
and then go a couple of feet.

SAM: What’s his range?

LIAM: Oh, let’s see.

SAM: How far is it, Matt?

MATT: The nearest– the one little part of the
yard that they’re currently using this material is

about 60 feet away from you. 60 to 70 from your
immediate guess at a glance.

LIAM: Oh, it is about that distance.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: So it might be just shy or– let’s give it a
whirl. Just give me ten-ish minutes.

SAM: Ten minutes!? Oh, okay.

LIAM: That’s not bad. I pull a book out of my
holster and flip to the right page and start

muttering. Does anyone want to do anything in
those nine minutes left?

SAM: I’ll walk around and see if there’s a way
through the gate that’s hidden.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TALIESIN: I’ll keep an eye on the guard– not on the
guard, I’ll keep an eye on the worker.

SAM: Ten.

MATT: Ten. You take the ten minutes to look
through, but this part of the gate is pretty

solidly locked in. It’s about six and a half,
seven feet tall, and it’s just metal bars with

almost a cross-lattice of even thinner metal
strips that are about a quarter-inch thick. The

openings are about that big, so you can still see
through like portholes, but it’s not quite large

enough for most of you to slip through. You might
be able to if you’re careful and squeeze, since

you’re small enough.

MARISHA: And they’re mainly gnomes working this–

MATT: Gnomes, and you see a handful of dwarves,
but the dwarves seem to be mostly doing oversight,

supervision.

MARISHA: Okay. So I like, as a plan B, you
disguising yourself as a gnome worker.

SAM: Okay, let’s see if Schmidt can–

MARISHA: Do it first?

MATT: So you complete your spell ritual. You
summon your Unseen Servant.

LIAM: Ja. Schmidt, one second. You two, circus
people. Mollymauk.

TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah.

LIAM: Could– ah, that’s cute. Could the two of
you do something fabulous over there?

ASHLEY: Make a distraction?

LIAM: Ja.

SAM: Juggle something?

ASHLEY: Yeah, I could have you stand on my
shoulders.

TALIESIN: We could do that thing. Do you remember
the vaulty thing? Let’s do the vaulting thing. All

right, you’re going to do the thing over the–
vault up.

ASHLEY: Okay. Ready?

MATT: At which point, Cleff goes, “Oh! We’re going
to see a performance.”

ASHLEY: Yeah. Get ready–

LIAM: I preemptively send Schmidt over to the
closest bucket.

MATT: And the range on that is– It cannot get
more than 60 feet than you, right?

LIAM: Ja, that is correct.

MATT: Okay. So, what are the two of you doing?

TALIESIN: If you get near the fence, I’m going to
try and jump on top of the fence.

ASHLEY: Great.

TALIESIN: All right, we’re going to need the
(mumbling).

SAM: Wait, you’re going to jump the fence? No,
this is a distraction. You’re not supposed to jump

in the–

TALIESIN: I’m going to jump on top of the fence.

SAM: Oh god.

ASHLEY: Are you going to go in or are you just
going–

TALIESIN: No, I’m just going to do the
(mumbling).

ASHLEY: Razzle dazzle?

TALIESIN: Yeah, like the razzle dazzle.

MATT: All right. So–

LIAM: Here’s a question. I’m sorry. How wide
apart– is it bars, the fence? What kind of fence

do we have?

MATT: There are large metal poles incrementally,
about every 12 or so feet. In between there it

looks like there are cross lattices of an inch
wide and a quarter-inch thick metal bars that

weave across to form the fence.

LIAM: So that bucket is not going between any of
that.

MATT: Probably not.

LIAM: Nott, would you be able to use your
invisible hand to lift that up and over?

SAM: When Schmidt comes close enough, yes.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: All right. You guys are prepared?

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: I would like you to make an acrobatics check
with advantage because you’re being aided by

Yasha.

MARISHA: I’ll keep watch.

TALIESIN: Oof, ten.

MATT: Ten. As you reach down, grabbing the foot of
Mollymauk, with one big (grunt) you lift him, and

he tosses in the air, gracefully, arms out, almost
like a reverse swan dive into the air. You land

and (impact).

(groaning)

MATT: Land legs open, you manage to miss the vital
areas, but it definitely wracks the inside of the

thigh a little bit, a painful landing.

TALIESIN: Can I try and push up into a handstand?

MATT: You manage to do so, but it lacks the
presentational and grace element of it. Make a

performance check, but with disadvantage from the
impact.

LIAM: So when he crashes, right at that moment, I
ask Schmidt to move the bucket three feet closer

to us. Low to the ground.

TALIESIN: All right.

ASHLEY: Can I aid him– okay.

TALIESIN: Yeah, natural 20. Oh, no, disadvantage.
15.

MATT: 15, okay. Still pretty good. So in spite of
the (strained) impact, you slowly stagger back up

to the top, balance yourself.

TALIESIN: Up and flipping back up, and I’m going
get the swords out. I’m going to start slowly

working on moving down the fence, with both swords
doing a spin and trying to actually get a little

flip going. A little acrobatic–

LIAM: Oh boy, another ten feet towards me.

TALIESIN: I’ll need you spotting, ‘cause I’m not
great at this.

MATT: All right, you’re turning it around. It’s
starting to work into your advantage. As this is

happening, Schmidt is slowly dragging, on its own,
the Unseen Servant is dragging this bucket three

feet at a time (scraping).

MARISHA: I’m keeping watch for any workers who
might be noticing the bucket.

MATT: None seem to be noticing the bucket at the
moment, but you do see about three or four that

are looking over at this very colorful, flashy,
performing, nearly wracked tiefling who is in the

process of juggling swords in the air and doing a
series of completely spontaneous performance art

for no reason.

MARISHA: Bravo. Bravo!

MATT: You see two of the nearby workers start
looking over confused, start talking to each

other. You can hear the muttering. One of them
runs off to one of the supervisor dwarves who’s

about 80 to 100 feet off to go tell him what’s
happening. He looks over and eventually you hear,

as Schmidt is getting closer and closer, the
bucket of tar is maybe 20 feet from the

fence-line, and you hear a voice go, “Hey! Hey!
What are you doing!? Get down from there! Get– go

"on, get, get, get!”

TALIESIN: I’m going to jump onto your shoulders
now. So, I take a jump and try and land on the

shoulders. Straight acrobatics?

MATT: Straight acrobatics for this.

TALIESIN: All right. You go away; I’m trying you.
That’s a natural 20.

ASHLEY: Ooh.

MATT: (flipping) (impact) Landing right onto
Yasha’s shoulders. She catches you there, and

you’re still, from their perspective you jumped
off of the fence and landed behind the fence, and are–

ASHLEY: I’m going to do a little side by side
walking to make it look like he’s–

TALIESIN: Sorry, you had a great fence, and we’re
working on an act!

MATT: Make a deception check.

TALIESIN: It’s true.

MARISHA: Nott, how close does Mage Hand have to
be?

SAM: It could go now, but we can’t go fast,
they’ll see a moving bucket.

LIAM: Yeah, we don’t want it off the ground.

TALIESIN: That’s nine.

MATT: Nine, okay. It’s not that they don’t buy it, they’re just
more caught off-guard by your presence, and not

listening to the words you’re saying. The one
supervisor who keeps rushing forward goes, “You

"know, lad, you don’t have permission. Show me
your–” At which point you see Cleff, looking

nervously, steps forward and goes, “Hello there.
Cleff Tinkertop, we’re all right. They’re with

"me.” The dwarf comes to a slow jog, to a stop, and
goes, “Cleff, what the fuck are you doing down

"here?” Schmidt drags the bucket about 15 feet off
to the side, and it is near the base of the fence.

SAM: Okay, I’ll cast Mage Hand.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Are people looking right now?

MATT: Yes, they are looking.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: It’s about 15-20 feet to the left, but
they’re currently focused on your group, which is

gathered at the edge of the yard where they
assemble all of their very powerful military

weapons.

TALIESIN: We should be at separate ends of the
fence right now, because I made my way down the

fence with Yasha.

MATT: Right, so it was about 30 feet, we’ll say.
So are you attempting to–

SAM: I’m just going to wait until they finish
their conversation.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: I’ll try to edge it a little closer still.
I’d like to get it near the fence, if I can.

MATT: It’s actually right now, with that final
scoot from Schmidt, it’s right up against the

fence on the opposite side.

LIAM: Okay, then I’m just going to wait for the
right moment. Then I’ll have Schmidt lift it over

his head, but not yet.

MATT: Okay. At this point, the dwarf rushes up to
the edge and peers through and goes, “So, strange

"arrivals you got here, Cleff, and a couple of
loonies diving off the outside of our very

"well-protected fence, but sure. Cleff, what’s your
business with these assholes?” He’s like, “We’re

"making our way to try and make right some mistakes
I’ve made, certainly, hopefully.” He glances through

with a bit of a tightened gaze and goes, “All
right. Well, just keep them off my fence.”

TALIESIN: A lovely fence it is.

MATT: Turns around and starts walking back to his
post.

SAM: As he starts walking, I’ll nod to Caleb and
try to do the lift over the fence.

LIAM: Oh, jeez, I go–

MATT: Make a sleight of hand check to see if you
can make the right timing and do so swift enough

to where nobody seems to notice.

SAM: Sleight of hand? 22.

MATT: With that, as soon as the dwarf turns around
and all the rest of the workers go right back

simultaneously, seeing that this encounter is
over, turn back to their work. (whooshing) Without

a sound, rises over the fence and is now at your
disposal on the opposite end.

SAM: Yeah!

ASHLEY: Hopefully that will do something.

SAM: We have a bucket of tar! Part one of our plan
is complete.

LIAM: That’s how you do it. You set them up, and
knock them down.

SAM: Look at that teamwork.

MARISHA: It was pretty good.

SAM: Yeah, everybody contributed a little. Except
for Jester and Fjord, everyone was really good.

TALISIN: When do they ever contribute, really?

MATT: (laughter) Rissa goes, “All right, that’s the first
part of it. What’s next?”

ASHLEY: I guess we head to the prison.

MARISHA: To the prison!

SAM: Let’s put the tar bucket in the haversack of
holding, if that’s possible. If it will fit.

MARISHA: Will it tip over in the bag?

MATT: She takes it and slowly puts it inside. It
will fit in the larger one, so it slips inside the

bag. She closes it. “Okay. Are you sure it won’t
turn over?”

MARISHA and TALIESIN: No.

SAM: I don’t know.

MATT: “I don’t want to ruin my bag.”

TALIESIN: Then we don’t have to put it in. We’ll
just carry it.

MATT: “I paid good money for it, and it’s so
pretty.”

TALIESIN: We’ll carry it.

SAM: Then we’re carrying a bucket of tar. Is that
weird?

TALIESIN: We’re going in to kill a robot. It’s
fine.

SAM: All right. We’ll just carry it.

TALIESIN: What else do you bring into a – What do
they think we’re going to do with a bucket of tar?

ASHLEY: I’ll take it.

MATT: Carefully hands it to Yasha.

TALIESIN: Let’s lean into it.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: Rissa continues pushing you now away from
the Assembly Yard, back into the Iron Lot, and

towards the exterior of the Gearhold Prison.
There, on the outside of this doorway, there’s

about a dozen crownsguard, mostly gnomish, two
human. It looks like they’re both currently

decorated with a bit more detail, probably sent
from the capital, or at least are given a little

more of import to the outside of this guarding
post. As you approach, you can see these large

metal doors. There are two of them, and they open
in the center, and there are a set of smaller

doors built in the base of each of the sides. As
you approach, some of the crownsguard look over

curiously at this interesting, wayward group
making their way towards the outside. Three of

them begin to approach, and one of the humans in
the more intricate crownsguard uniform approaches,

throwing the cloak over his shoulder, and you can
see his hand resting on the handle of his

now-sheathed sword. “Hey, who goes there? What is
your business?”

MARISHA: We are a contracted group of workers,
working for this man right here, Cleff. We’re here

to take care of the problem that we heard you guys
had with the clockwork warden.

MATT: Cleff pulls the hood back a bit and goes,
“Hello.” Guy takes a moment and looks. Make a

persuasion check with advantage, because Cleff is
helping you.

SAM: Yeah. Persuasive Beau.

MARISHA: I stole this die that I got you from
forever ago. It’s got the little d20 inside of it.

I’ll take the 12, for 13.

MATT: The guard steps back a bit, looks you over.
“All right. Hold tight a second, I’m going to

"summon the warden. Just a moment.” He steps to one
of the small doors that opens, and he disappears inside.

SAM: How many doors are there?

MATT: There’s the two large main doors, about 15
feet tall, about 20 foot wide, and then there’s

smaller doors, normal person-sized, almost
gnomish-sized, doors built into it from that

point. You actually watch as the human crownsguard
has to duck a little bit to go through the smaller

door frame. He’s gone for about five minutes or
so, and then returns and says, “The Wardenhelm

"would wish to speak to you, if you wouldn’t mind
stepping inside. Don’t mind the escort; it’s

"common business.”

MARISHA: What did you say the warden’s name was?

MATT: It’s Wardenhelm Poppin Drokrusher.

MARISHA: Wardenhelm Poppin–

MATT: Poppin Drokrusher.

MARISHA: Drokrusher.

TALIESIN: Poppin Drok– I won’t. I won’t speak.
I’m not going to speak.

MATT: He’s like, “Gnomish names.”

TALIESIN: I feel that.

MATT: At that point, you guys are led inside the
dark interior. As soon as you step into the shadow

of the entryway of this prison, you go from the
industrial and somewhat colorless Iron Lot that

you’ve been traveling through to this very
low-lit, reddish, almost oxidized iron interior

that is just shadow and torches. You can see these
large support beams of metal put against the rock

and stone that has been carved out of the interior
of the mountain. It’s just one long hallway that

splinters off into a number of hallways to the
right and left before it reaches the outside of

your current visual range to make any more detail
out of it. At this point, as you enter, about five

more of the crownsguard follow behind you and keep
you all as a small pack traveling. At this point,

he begins to move forward and gestures for you all
to follow, saying, “This way.” Leads you down the

hall, scooting to the right and heads to the right
at the very first branching hallway of the

interior of the prison. Heading further down,
there’s a few doors that are open, and on the

inside they appear to be empty, or there’s a few
other guards. On the interior, you don’t see much

in the way of crownsguard, you see a different
type of guard. Similar garb, but more drab, and

you get the sense that they’re– this is an
internal prison guard, this isn’t part of the

paid, trained, citywide guard. These are the
interior Hupperdook prison guards. No more than

maybe another 40 or so feet down, there’s a
doorway that’s open that leads into an office. On

the inside of this office, which itself is also
super darkly lit, you see two ember torches that

give this very dull red glow on the inside of the
room, so it has this somewhat ominous and dreary

interior presence to it as you step into this
chamber. The desk is facing away from you, and

there you see an older and grizzled gnome, who is
in the process of wearing these series of robes

and cloak over him with these gold-colored tassels
and epaulets that shoot off the sides, seems to be

giving out an air of station and importance, even
though it’s just in the process of filing what

looks to be either prison transfers or people that
have been arrested and figuring out who’s to be

put in here and why, or whose business is going to
come to an end soon. He’s in the process of

shuffling through papers before turning around to
you and goes, “All right, so, you have come to my

"prison.” Stands up and turns around to you,
clicking his feet together as he does so at

attention, arms crossed. “Hello. I’m the
Wardenhelm Poppin. You have bothered me from my

"work, and I would like to know why.” As you look
at him, you can see his hair has receded almost

entirely to the back, and what bits of clustered
gray hair on the sides he’s currently attempted to

slick and comb back, and one large part of it is
trying to cover the massive bald spot, but as he

spins around and talks to you, with any sort of
movement it wobbles and has to settle itself back

into place.

TALIESIN: Beau–

MARISHA: First off–

TALIESIN: I tap Beau on the back and make her bow
a little bit.

MARISHA: You don’t have to– okay.

MATT: “Respectful. I appreciate that.”

TALIESIN: Pull her back up.

MATT: Rissa has backed away to the doorway and is
like– and doesn’t want any part in this.

MARISHA: Yeah. Same, Rissa, same. We will not take
up much of your time if you just let us in to go

kill this clockwork warden that this guy made. We
heard he was quite a problem. Just let us in;

we’ll be out of your hair, and you can get back to
your work.

MATT: “Wait, what are you–” And he looks over
towards the cloaked gnomish figure to the side.

“What?”

MARISHA: Remember this guy?

MATT: He leans forward, and as the cloak is pulled
back, Cleff reveals his face a bit. He goes,

“Hello there. It’s been a while. How are you
doing, Poppin?” He’s like, “Interesting riffraff

"you’re bringing to my home this day.”

MARISHA: Why do people keep calling us that?

TALIESIN: To be fair, we are.

MATT: “I was referring to Cleff! Cleff, why do you
come and bother me with my day’s work? What do you

"want? You’re saying something about your little
mistake, your problem?”

MARISHA: Look, this guy is funding to take care of
the spinning death machine that’s in your guys’

basement. This should be a city-funded issue, but
this guy is being a good, noble citizen and

funding it himself so we can come and make a quick
buck and kill your death robot. Can we please just

go kill your damn death robot?

MATT: He looks at Cleff. “Is this true?” Cleff
nods. “Actually, yes. I know it’s been a problem

"for a while and I figured, about time I cleaned up
that mess myself, if you don’t mind.” The

Wardenhelm stops for a second and looks amongst
the rest of you. “Right, okay. You have what

"appears to be an interesting crew of exterminators
you’ve brought to me. What do you want from me? I

"assume you have come here for trade or for looking
for some sort of recompense. I would like to know

"what that is before we move further into this. No
one steps inside here wishing to do us, how you

"say? Charity work.”

TALIESIN: Oh, of course. That makes perfect sense,
and of course a man of your stature would be smart

enough to know that such a thing is true. We,
honestly– we will admit we may have a favor, a

very minor favor, to ask if everything goes well
and we do, in fact, survive this encounter. In

return, also, we will be gathering very valuable
data on how to defeat these sort of automatons,

which will be put into your possession and would
definitely help you deliver something that could

help with the war effort. This sort of data could
get back to the people in charge and help them

defeat machines in the future. We’re trying new
techniques, new ways to defeat these sort of automatons.

MARISHA: You look like a man who’s willing to
climb a ladder.

TALIESIN: I think you could go far. We’d be happy
to help.

MARISHA: War is a great time for opportunity, my
friend.

TALIESIN: We may discuss, perhaps, if we can
help– we have two friends who are currently in

your system, and we would be more than happy to
discuss a means of maybe resolving their issue

with you. Not innocence, but just coming to a
conclusion that is mutually agreeable.

MATT: Make a persuasion check with advantage,
with aiding from Beau and a very persuasive

argument, actually.

TALIESIN: Man, I love bullshitting.

MARISHA: (laughs) High-fivesies from across the
table.

TALIESIN: Persuasion? God, please, for once in
your miserable life. Oh man, eight.

MATT: Oh, buddy.

LIAM: Not life, just this campaign, Taliesin.

TALIESIN: I know.

MATT: “Well, perhaps we can discuss, but I would
like to see possibly this deed you wish to do done

"first. I do not wish to talk contracts with those
who are about to die, if you know what I’m saying.”

TALIESIN: Hardly waste your time.

MARISHA: Who would?

MATT: “Very well.” He looks past you to the escort
of guards that have followed you in. “Lead them to

"the subterranean sealed chamber. Allow them to
encounter our issue, and should they survive,

"return them to me with proof of the deed. Should
they not survive, we will not speak of this ever

"again. Good luck. I will be here waiting to hear
of your successful endeavor. Now, leave me to my

"work.” He goes and sits back down in his chair.

SAM: We’re doing this now?

TALIESIN: Of course we are. Anyone want the node?

SAM: If I’m going to be throwing tar at this
thing, maybe I should have it.

TALIESIN: Or Caleb. Well, who’s going to be
throwing –

MARISHA: Who’s going to be throwing the tar? You
with your Mage Hand, maybe?

SAM: I could.

TALIESIN: We’ll heat it up. Caleb will heat it up,
you’ll throw it in, and then I’ll be using some

ice to try and cool the thing down once it’s in
there.

MARISHA: Yasha and I can try and pin it down,
maybe corner it.

TALIESIN: Once it starts opening up the armor,
we’ll just go to that one particular plate and

start ripping a hole in it.

MARISHA: Start ripping the plates off.

TALIESIN: Chopping the plates off.

ASHLEY: Okay.

LIAM: Let’s heat that tar up before entering.

MARISHA: Let’s get to the door, heat it up–

TALIESIN: We’ll get through doors, set the node,
set everything we need into action.

MATT: Cleff and Rissa balk there as you guys are
having this conversation. Rissa goes, “If it’s not

"a problem, I’ll stay here with my dad and we’ll
just wait to hear what happens. We’re not much in

"the way of charging into the fray.”

LIAM: Of course. You have tasked experts with this
job.

MATT: Of course. Cleff pushes past and goes, “But
before you go, I just want once more to express my

"extreme gratitude for your putting yourself out
there for my well-being. A Tinkertop never forgets

"these deeds, and should you return safely, I will
be in your debt.” He bows and the cloak (thumps)

onto the ground,and he goes, “Oh.” He picks it
back up and bows a little less this time.

MARISHA: Any last tips, Cleff?

MATT: “Be careful?”

MARISHA: That’s a good one.

TALIESIN: What kind of feet does it have again?

MATT: “Oh, it doesn’t have feet. It rolls.”

TALIESIN: Ball bearings?

MARISHA: Hamster ball.

TALIESIN: We’ll see. Slow it down. I don’t know,
we’ll find out.

MARISHA: I don’t know.

SAM: All right. So the guards will take us down?

MATT: You guys currently have a group of six
crownsguard from the outside and a couple of

prison guards that will lead you there.

TALIESIN: Tank this, and you’ll be all right. It’s
just swords.

ASHLEY: I want to get a good look at it, but this
sounds like a fun challenge.

TALIESIN: Fjord, you got a plan? Jester?

MATT: Jester goes, “Well, don’t die, and if you
fall over, I’ll try to get you not on the ground anymore.”

SAM: She can’t. She’s out of spells.

MATT: How is she out of spells? You guys took a
long rest.

SAM: Didn’t we use a bunch?

TALIESIN: No, we took a long rest.

MATT: She used two Locate Objects, I know that.

SAM: Those are high-level spells.

MATT: They’re 2nd-level, I think. Isn’t it?

SAM: Okay. Does it say how many spells she has
left?

TALIESIN: It should.

MATT: Yeah, Locate Object is 2nd-level.

MARISHA: To be fair, I think we were going to
rest, and we decided against it. We decided to go.

SAM: Oh, it reset, but she definitely had used
some.

MARISHA: We know she used two–

MATT: She’s used two 2nd-level spells.

ASHLEY: She has used two 2nd-level spells?

MATT: So we’ll mark those in there. If she had
another, it’s fine. She’s not here to keep track.

TALIESIN: Do we want her to have anything
pre-cast? I don’t think Duplicity will matter, but

maybe a Spiritual Weapon already called up?

LIAM: Spiritual Weapon is a good idea.

TALIESIN: Just have it already. Let’s–

MATT: Well, it only lasts for a minute.

TALIESIN: Oh, then let’s wait then. All right.

SAM: In case this all goes tits-up, do we want to
try to talk to these guards and maybe figure out

what cell the Schusters are in?

TALIESIN: You’re welcome to try.

SAM: I’m not talking to them. But someone with
more charisma than me?

TALIESIN: Certainly not me.

MARISHA: Fjord’s literally the only one that can
charm a guard. Unless we bribe a guard.

LIAM: That is incorrect.

SAM: Oh. Charming Caleb.

LIAM: (clears throat) I can speak when I have to.

MARISHA: Do some Suggestion stuff?

SAM: I mean, is that worth doing now?

LIAM: No I can just talk.

TALIESIN: I mean, if we die, does it matter?

SAM: No, but I mean if the warden doesn’t give us
what we want.

TALIESIN: We can talk to the guards on the way
out.

SAM: Okay. But we’re in the prison.

TALIESIN: Yeah, but we’re going to be in the
prison when we’re done.

SAM: All right.

TALIESIN: That’s fair.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: (laughs) Assuming we live.

MATT: The guards have led you away from that end
of the chamber, down the hall, back to the main

hallway that enters deeper into the Gearhold
Prison. Following that down for another 80 or so

feet, that main open hallway comes to an end, and
there are a number of other small hallways that

protrude. The guards lead you down the one on the
left. You can see two immediately that branch off

on the far end of that main open way. That
left-side pathway leads to a set of stairs that

spirals down to a second floor. Then a third
floor. Then a fourth floor. The fourth floor is

the bottom of these stairs, and you’re now
probably guessing, from the time it’s taken you to

descend the spiral staircase, maybe an additional
100 to 120 feet below the entrance and the actual

level base of the mountain. At this point, you
continue down a hallway and there are cells to

your right and left. As you enter the space, the
cells are very well-fortified, and behind the

bars, in the dark, dark red ember-like torchlight
that faintly glows and lights elements of this

hallway, as you continue down, you can see shapes,
humanoid shapes locked behind bars, of all shapes

and sizes. As you begin to pass one on the right,
you watch as a figure lurches up to the bars,

pushes up to the edge, and what faint bit of red
light you can see illuminating a face that looks

scarred by a large, heavy clawmark down one side,
the eye glued shut from the healing process. You

see this toothy, rotten grin underneath as a nasty
smell of breath emanates from its heavy breathing,

and as you pass by, it says, “Hey. Are you going
to come back, are you? Where are you going? Where

"are you going? Come back!” And you walk past. One
of the guards takes their shortsword and clangs it

across the metal and goes, “Keep back, keep back.”

TALIESIN: Mr. Schuster, you look terrible! I yell
very loud to see if anybody responds to the name.

MATT: To what name?

TALIESIN: Mr. Schuster.

MATT: Schuster? Okay. You listen. Make a
perception check.

SAM: Yeah, sure.

TALIESIN: Oh, that’s a 15.

MATT: Okay. You listen out, and you hear a few
voices chuckle and some shifting of people that

are now making their way to the front of the cell
to see what this arriving group of strangers is,

but nothing out of the expected ordinary reacting
to that name.

TALIESIN: Worth a shot.

MATT: A few other figures push their way to the
face, and you can see men and women, you can see

decrepit half-elves that look poorly nourished.
You can see humans that look like they’ve smeared

themselves with their own foul excrement. You can
see a whole nature of people that are in the

process of dealing with being locked down here in
the subterranean basement level of this prison.

And then, at the end, you come to what looks to be
an iron door that is currently sealed shut, with

what looks to be rung after rung after rung of
chains pulled through, across bars, locked with

three padlocks.

MARISHA: Is this the door?

MATT: The main guard sitting there goes, “Aye, it
is.” He pulls out a ring of keys.

TALIESIN: When’s the last time you opened it?

MATT: “When we sealed it.”

ASHLEY: Which was–?

MATT: “About a little over two years ago.”

MARISHA: How big is this chamber in here?

MATT: “It leads down, splits in the middle, and
has two more sets of cells in the back side.”

MARISHA: Splits in the middle, two more sets of
cells on the back side. So it looks like a big

fork. Does it have a common way? Or is this thing
patrolling halls?

MATT: “I don’t know.”

LIAM: And what will happen when we go inside here?
Are you locking us in?

MATT: “Damn right.”

TALIESIN: Until we knock on the door, I imagine.

LIAM: Until which.

MATT: With that, one latch, and one lock comes
free, pulls it off, and hands it to the guard.

SAM: I’m going to look at the–

MATT: Second lock, comes free.

SAM: –the dodecahedron while we’re at it.

MATT: You take a moment to concentrate on it.

MARISHA: Should we heat up the tar?

TALIESIN: Let’s heat up the tar.

LIAM: Okay Nott, can you lift that thing up for
me?

SAM: Lift?

TALIESIN: I’ll hold it since you’re doing the
thing.

SAM: Oh, sure.

LIAM: Well, it’s going to scald the bejeezus out
of your hands if I–

SAM: Okay, I’ll use Mage Hand to hold it up.

TALIESIN: I also have immunity to flame, so, or
not quite immunity, but I don’t really mind flame.

LIAM: Well, I could semi-burn your hands, or not
burn Nott’s make-believe one.

SAM: Yeah, I’ll hold it with my Mage Hand.

MATT: All right. So with that, the bucket of tar
is now being held aloft from the floating,

spectral Mage Hand that Nott is controlling.

TALIESIN: We’ll probably need some light in here,
too.

MARISHA: So, he can cast two spells; they have to
be at third level.

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: And his cantrips are– So if he casts
Armor of Agathys, it’s going to take up one

of his levels.

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: And Hex would be another one?

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Everybody back away from this bucket. And I
crackle my hands and send a Fire Bolt at the

bottom of it.

MATT: All right. So being careful not to destroy
the bucket itself, which, while it is made of

metal, you’re uncertain of its structural
integrity, but you do focus on a little, slow burn

of this flame, controlling the Fire Bolt to be a
gradual burn. As you do, you watch as the metal

iron of the bottom of this bucket begin to heat to
a dull orange, into a brighter orange. And after a

few moments of concentrating, you can see a faint
(bubbling). The tar seems to be heating and to a

fairly more liquidy consistency than its rather
cold and more solid form that you found it in.

TALIESIN: Excellent.

LIAM: That is the most relaxed that spell has ever
gone.

MATT: (laughs) At which point the third lock comes
off. The guards begin pulling the chains through

the various loops until eventually the door is
exposed, (creaking) opens. And on the inside,

there’s a few steps that descend into what looks
to be a double door beyond that. One of the doors

is partially opened and it is darkness with a
faint red glow beyond that.

MARISHA: This place is creepy as shit.

TALIESIN: I turn to one of the guards. Is there
any light in there, or are we going to need to

bring our own?

MATT: “There’s probably some light, but it
wouldn’t hurt to bring your own, especially for

"that one.” And points to Caleb.

LIAM: Yasha, could I borrow a torch from you?

ASHLEY: Yes, of course.

LIAM: So your hands are free to work.

ASHLEY: Yes. Good idea. Here.

LIAM: Danke.

MARISHA: Fjord’s going to cast Armor of Agathys on
himself.

MATT: So as Fjord touches the front of his chest
armor, you watch as the cold air solidifies,

getting this mist and bits of ice crystal
protruding from his leather armor.

MARISHA: Hope that is a good call. What would
Fjord do? And Beau puts on her goggles.

MATT: You got it.

MARISHA: (like Fjord) Eldritch Blast.

MATT: As all of you are ushered past the metal
door, the guards all gather on the opposite side,

and the lead guard of the unit goes, “Very well.
May the Platinum Dragon guide you.” Closes the

door and you hear the chains on the opposite side
being locked, as you all turn back, looking down

the six or seven feet of descending stairs before
it levels into the double doors, partially opened

and the darkness beyond. And that’s where we’re
going to take a quick break.

SAM: Ah! Oh, but we were about to fight.

MATT: Well, we’re going to dive into that, just
because if we go into a battle, it might take a

little while. We’ll take the break now, before
that, and then we can dive into it immediately as

we return.

LIAM: Let’s try diplomacy.

MATT: Perfect. Shiny blade balls are easy to talk
to.

MARISHA: Dear spinning death machine.

TALIESIN: Fantasmagoria. I’m definitely having
some, yeah.

MATT: All righty, guys. So, we’ll be back here in
a few minutes, we’re going to take a five or ten

minute break to get ourselves comfy, (like Rissa) “food,
water, and other releases of functions.”

MARISHA: Thanks, Rissa.

MATT: And we’ll see you guys here in just a
moment, so hang tight in the chat if you want to.

We’ll have a couple of fun videos to watch, and
once again, if you haven’t seen the Kickstarter of

these awesome minis, you can go to critrole.com
for all that information. They have the links

there to the Kickstarter. The guys at Steamforged
have done an amazing job and we hope you like

them. All right, we’ll see you here in a few
minutes.

[break]

MATT: And welcome back. Wow.

(laughter)

LIAM: Wow indeed.

MATT: Indeed. So welcome back. Coming back into
the game. You have all descended down and reached

the double doors, partially open, and stepped
quietly into the interior chamber of this sealed

portion of the Gearhold Prison. There is what
looks like a faint flicker of those same

ember-light torches that give off faint bits of
red glow, but a number the walls seem to have been

damaged. Actually, as you step inside, you get a
quick look. The doors that are behind you and the

walls around you are scraped and gashed from
hundreds and hundreds of blade marks. It looks

like whatever in here has spent a lot of time
grinding around and looking of a means of escape

or patrolling with its blades out over and over
again. Parts of the walls have fallen in a bit and

there is rubble in areas where it’s starting to
erode away the interior of this sealed chamber.

But everywhere you look: to the right, left, and
along the ground all you see are hundreds and

hundreds of blade-like grooves in the stone.

SAM: That’s not good.

ASHLEY: This is as, you know, I’ve heard the kids
say these days: Creepy AF.

TALIESIN: Actually, it’s got eyes and not ears, I
don’t think. When we saw the blueprints was there

any way for it to detect sound or was it all
visual?

MATT: Without your massive intelligence roll, you
weren’t able to discern that information, unfortunately.

TALIESIN: All right.

MARISHA: (whispering) I’m going to assume yes. Hey
Jester! (cooing)

TALIESIN: Let’s pretend we’re whispering.

MARISHA: (cooing) Okay. Maybe Pass Without a
Trace, Jester? (cooing)

TALIESIN: We can do that. Let’s cast Pass Without
a Trace. I’m going to light up my sword.

MATT: That is a 2nd-level spell, if I recall.

TALIESIN: That would be our last 2nd-level spell.
Wait, let’s–

MARISHA: Maybe not.

TALIESIN: Maybe not Pass Without a Trace, because
once it sees us it doesn’t matter anymore.

So let’s not do that yet.

MARISHA: Okay. Nevermind. Keep going.

TALIESIN: I’m going to light up my swords.

MATT: Both of them?

TALIESIN: Yeah, with ice.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: That brings me down to 49 hit points, so
that’s fun. Wow, that’ll be a lot of fun. That’s

thrilling. There’s a door over there. Do you want
to sneak over and see?

SAM: Sure. I’ll sneak over to the door and try to
unlock it.

MATT: Over here?

SAM: Or see if it’s locked.

MATT: All right. It is a set of prison bars. There
is a gate that is currently locked. The bars

themselves, once again, you can see rows and rows
of gashes and scrapes across the metal. They’re

bowed in a bit from impacts repeatedly. It’s
slightly bent inward. You can attempt to pick a

lock, if you’d like.

SAM: I’ll pick a lock.

MATT: Go ahead and roll. That’s proficiency bonus
plus dexterity.

SAM: That’s is a 14.

MATT: A 14. (clicking) It’s not triggering the
lock. These are not easy locks to get through.

They’re designed to hold prisoners, unfortunately,
so they’re fairly hardy locks. You spend a while

with it and are unable to hit those tumblers. It
looks like it’s not going to open. Make a

perception check as you’re looking through the
bars.

SAM: Four.

LIAM: I sneak up behind Nott.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: (whispering) I can open this if you need me
to. I just like to save my shit.

SAM: I don’t know what’s in it. I can’t see
anything through it, can I?

MATT: Not with that perception roll, no. You see
bits of rock. You see some cloth on the ground, that’s it.

MARISHA: Caleb, maybe save your shit for
afterwards.

LIAM: Also if I were to unlock it, it would be
loud, so that’s not good.

TALIESIN: Can we put some light in there and maybe
take a look at what’s in there?

SAM: What’s in that room?

TALIESIN: Yeah. Since we have an orb up, don’t we?
No, we have a torch.

MATT: Yasha, you have the torch right? No, Caleb
has the torch.

TALIESIN: Caleb, you want to use the torch to take
a look in there, maybe? I’m keeping an eye through

this hallway and I think I’m going to slowly start
scooting.

MATT: Start scooting this way?

TALIESIN: But against the wall.

SAM: What an amazing mini.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: Yeah. These are the painted prototypes to
give you a little bit of a glance of what these

will look like. There are a few changes for the
final designs, of course, but these will give you

an idea. All righty. There’s Molly on that side.
Caleb, as you hold the torch up at the bars and

look through, make a perception check with
advantage. As you’re following off Nott’s lead and

it’s small chamber, you can make out quite a bit
of detail.

LIAM: Oh, that’s good. 19.

MATT: Good. Glancing inside, you see that whatever
scrape marks that mar the interior of this main

chamber, there are none within this cell. Whatever
this creature, this Gearkeeper construct is, it

did not manage to breach these gates. However, on
the opposite side you see three different bed

set-ups for prisoners. Some that seem, either they
were trying to claw their way out, or the impact

of slamming on the other walls caused bits of it
to fall in and collapse. There are piles of stone

and fallen earth on the other side. You see three
skeletons. They look like they’ve been decomposing

for quite some time. Probably prisoners that
couldn’t escape, and had no other way out.

ASHLEY: That’s sucks.

SAM: That’s rough.

LIAM: Okay, we can check this off our list,
probably. There are some dead inmates in here.

SAM: If the thing comes out here we’re all dead so
we should probably figure out a way to stop it.

TALIESIN: We can all get in that room if we have
to.

SAM: All right, but I can’t open it.

MARISHA: Normally you don’t want to get trapped in
a room with something bigger and spinning with

12 blades. I think we’d be better off holding
this choke point.

TALIESIN: That’s the hope, but we have these other
options over here. Is there anything I can see

from my perspective, from where I’m standing right
now?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TALIESIN: I knew you’d say that. That’s a 16.

MATT: Your dark vision is 60 feet correct? You can
just make out the details of another interior

chamber. Looking within, portions of the walls
inside are also equally scraped apart. Edges of

the fine, well-set stonework have been marred with
repeated gashes all over. It looks like beyond

that there was another prison cell, but those bars
have been breached, as they are currently bent,

gnarled, and twisted and pulled out of place. The
cell beyond it appears to be open.

MARISHA: I’m going to move up and go to the
opposite side of where Molly is and peek down the

opposite way, just like he did.

MATT: Anybody else moving anywhere?

LIAM: While people are moving around the room I
whisper: Just for our options here. If we want to

kick this off and don’t mind getting its
attention, I can magically unlock this door here,

which will make a sound, and then instantly lock
it. If we wanted to, we could all hustle inside

here, and maybe attack at range? Just as an
option.

SAM: Does the door have holes?

MATT: The door is open but there are bars on
this.

SAM: That’s not a door, it’s just a cage.

MATT: Yes, and it’s partially bent inward from the
impact. It looks like it sustained quite a bit of

brunt force to it over time.

LAIM: That would put Beau and Yasha at a
disadvantage, but the rest of us could take pot

shots at it from in here.

MARISHA: You know, I like that idea. Maybe Yasha
and I can stand and hide and crouch in the corners

while you guys get its attention and shoot it from
range. What I would be afraid of is if we were all

in there, and it eventually did what it did to
those bars over there, and busted in. And we were

all sitting ducks on the inside.

LIAM: Well I could be wrong, but with what I know
how to do, I don’t think it can do that to this

door, for a short amount of time.

MARISHA: It looks like it–

TALIESIN: Do you have a plan?

LIAM: Well, I’m talking about magic. I can
magically seal this door. Unless it has a way to

deal with that, it will not be able to get
through.

SAM: That’s pretty good. Let’s move quickly,
though.

MATT: Make an intelligence check, Caleb, if you
don’t mind.

LIAM: That is 15.

MATT: 15. Okay. You were referring. I believe, to
the spell Arcane Lock, right?

LIAM: “Impassable until it is broken, or the spell
is dispelled or suppressed.”

MATT: Yep. It can still be forced open; it’s just
a higher DC to do so. It’s possible, but it makes

it a much harder door to break through.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: You have a valid point to what you’re
saying, yes.

MARISHA: Can I still complete my perception check
and see if I see down here?

MATT: Go for it. Make a perception check.

MARISHA: Not great. Seven.

MATT: Seven? Unfortunately, even with your
darkvision, it’s hard to look past that way. You

can see another chamber. At your current vantage
point, it’s a little bit out of the way. It looks

like there’s not enough information. You’d have to
get a little closer to make out the details.

MARISHA: Is there anything that would warrant a
couple people hiding while some people got in the

thing? Is there something that looks like Yasha
and I could maybe hide? I’m a little disadvantage

looking at this angle.

MATT: There are some piles of rubble and portions
of the walls that have collapsed inwards.

TALIESIN: So you can get up and get a little
height if you want and we can also–

SAM: If we went inside that room, though–

TALIESIN: Those with range.

SAM: The creature would probably give up and go
back into hiding until we came out, I would assume.

TALIESIN: Maybe, maybe not. Maybe it would keep
pounding until you died.

MARISHA: You could still Mage Hand the tar between
the bars, right?

SAM: Sure.

MARISHA: Let’s try it!

TALIESIN: We don’t even have to put the tar
inside, it could be outside.

MARISHA: That’s what I’m saying. Caleb, can you
lift that gate spell if we need to get back out?

LIAM: Yeah, instantly.

TALIESIN: All right, Yasha, we’re going to be on
the outside, then?

ASHLEY: Yep.

SAM: That’s scary and dangerous.

TALIESIN: This is scary and dangerous work.

MARISHA: Wait, are you and Yasha going to be on
the outside?

TALIESIN: Well, we don’t have any range.

MARISHA: Neither do I.

TALIESIN: You’re going to be on the outside too. I
thought we’d put all the ranged people in there

and draw its attention to attack them, and then
while it’s there we can all gang up on it.

ASHLEY: Three Amigos?

SAM: It’s a terrible idea, but go for it.

MATT: So, what are you guys doing?

MARISHA: Yeah, let’s do it.

LIAM: So you bruisers, you’re staying out here?

MARISHA: But we’re going to hide amongst this
rubble on the opposite side and you guys are going to start.

MATT: Yasha, where are you moving to?

ASHLEY: We’re going to hide behind the rubble.

MATT: Right here?

ASHLEY: And Beau as well.

MATT: Beau, you’re moving over here as well?

MARISHA: Yeah. Can I get up on top of the rubble
and crouch down?

TALIESIN: I’m going to attempt to hide in the
corner.

MATT: It’s going to be hard to hide and climb it
as well. We can do about there, as good as we can get, there.

TALIESIN: Oh, Yasha, before I forget, I got you
something.

ASHLEY: You did?

TALIESIN: I hand her one of the silk flowers from
the festival. It doesn’t press well, but, you know.

ASHLEY: It is going to be very special. Thank you,
Molly.

TALIESIN: Got for you if we live.

MATT: Molly, are you staying there?

TALIESIN: Yeah. I’m going to stay super crouched.

SAM: Does Jester have her Spiritual Weapon out?

MATT: She doesn’t yet.

SAM: Okay. Maybe we should get it ready.

LIAM: Wait.

SAM: Wait, what?

LIAM: I do not have the components I need for
Arcane Lock. Damn it.

MARISHA: What do you need?

LIAM: A lot of gold dust.

MARISHA: A lot of gold dust?

SAM: We can make some, right now!

MARISHA: I know! Can we grind some gold really
fast? File some?

SAM: Quietly!

MARISHA: Quietly file down gold coins?

SAM: All right, well, plan B.

ASHLEY: Plan B. That’s fine.

SAM: Do you want me to scout ahead to the area
that you’ve seen?

TALIESIN: Or the cat.

SAM: Or the cat, yes. How about the cat goes to
the area where Molly has seen. Which, Liam, for

you, is the bottom left of the picture I sent
you.

MATT: So where are you sending Frumpkin?

LIAM: Into the last unexplored room.

SAM: No, this is the one that–

TALIESIN: The first unexplored room.

SAM: The first explored room, that Molly has seen
a little bit of.

LIAM, Sorry. I was looking at my spellbook and not
paying attention to you lot. What were you

hoping me to do?

SAM: Send the cat.

TALIESIN: Sending the cat to take a look–

MARISHA: Scout with the cat. Kitty scout.

TALIESIN: This may be the end of the cat.

LIAM: Yeah, okay. I’m going to back as far away
from that door as I can, and I will send Frumpkin in.

MATT: Moving back in the corner with Beau and
Yasha. Right about there, we’ll say.

LIAM: Ladies.

MATT: You begin to focus and Frumpkin heads to the
right side of the fork into the chamber you’ve

already looked into, towards the open cell doors
that are currently pried off that archway. As

Frumpkin glances past, make a stealth check for
Frumpkin.

LIAM: Yep. Oh. I don’t have the cat paper with me
in this state that I’m in, because I didn’t know

I’d be playing.

MATT: That’s okay.

LIAM: So I rolled a 15.

MATT: Rolled a 15? Okay.

LIAM. Yeah. Let’s go with that.

TALIESIN: 15 plus cat.

MATT: All right. Frumpkin glances inside this
busted cell and sees– what I’m using as an

interpretation of– a large spherical metal object
that’s about eight feet diameter on any side. It

looks like a series of overlapping metal plates
that look clustered together at odd angles.

Elements of it look scraped and dented. It looks
like it’s been doing some serious damage to it

over time. As it sits there, resting, and Frumpkin
approaches, you watch one of the tiny little metal

plates (squeak) open, a lens pokes out towards
Frumpkin, withdraws back in. The plate closes and

about six of these long blade-like spider legs
stick out of it as it pulls back and begins to

roll forward at a very extreme pace.

LIAM: I snap Frumpkin out of there.

MATT: It rolls forward. Frumpkin just manages to
bamf out of this dimension as the object slams

into the opposite wall. You guys feel the entire
chamber suddenly (crash) from the impact and you

hear this scraping of metal in the distance.

SAM: I’m going to re-cast Mage Hand and pick up
the bucket of tar.

MATT: It rolls across the way and disappears into
the other chamber.

MARISHA: I’m going to stealthily move forward,
back where I was across from Molly.

MATT: Go ahead and make a stealth check, please.

MARISHA: Jesus Christ. This just got really–

TALIESIN: I have an interesting idea.

MATT: Nott, where do you want to go?

SAM: Towards the narrower hallway.

MATT: Here?

SAM: Yeah, just on the edge of it. Do I hear any
movement or anything?

MATT: You do hear the same object shifting on the
other side.

MARISHA: 15.

MATT: 15? Okay.

MARISHA: Oh no.

MATT: Nott, as you’re there at the edge, and
Beau’s there. You glance in, now that you guys are

close enough you can see shifting in there. You
pay attention and you can see this other chamber

is open with another cell off to the side. It
slams into that door, spins around, and one of the

lenses peeks around the corner right at where Beau
had just moved into the far corner.

TALIESIN: Jester is going to cast her Spiritual
Weapon and put it right in the center of–

SAM: The room?

TALIESIN: Yeah. A big nice shiny object to
distract.

MATT: Where’s Fjord going? Because we’re about to
go into combat.

TALIESIN: Are we all pulling against the walls?

MARISHA: Where is Fjord going? Make Fjord go by
the gate, maybe. Back a bit. Then Beau is going to

take out those ball bearings.

ASHLEY: Can we put Jester in the corner?

MATT: Jester can back up there.

MARISHA: Let’s not kill our friends’ D&D
characters.

MATT: I need all of you to roll initiative.

MARISHA: If we still have a bit of an action, I’m
going to toss my bag of ball bearings and try and

throw a bunch of ball bearings right here.

LIAM: Sam, can you take a new picture and send it
to me?

MATT: You throw the ball bearings out clattering.
As that happens, the legs, which are still out,

rear backward and they retract as it runs itself
rolling forward in your direction, ricocheting off

that wall. The ball bearings, as it grinds across
the bottom, get fired off like small impact

bullets from the grinding of the metal plates and
the force of it hitting. I need both Nott and Beau

to make dexterity saving throws.

SAM: Oh god! Save? 21.

MATT: 21.

MARISHA: Oh wait, not with advantage, or no?

MATT: Not with advantage. Just a single roll.

MARISHA: Okay, 18 then.

MATT: You guys both manage to just duck out of the
way, they don’t seem to hit you. It’s only a

handful of them that upon the impact of it hitting
stone and being pressured beneath, they shoot off

in your direction.

MARISHA: Molly, ball bearings didn’t work! Rolling
for initiative?

MATT: Initiative rolls, guys. Roll for yourself,
Beau, and then roll for Jester and Fjord as well.

TALIESIN: I’ll roll for Jester.

MARISHA: I’m rolling for Fjord.

MATT: 25 to 20?

MARISHA: Hang on.

TALIESIN: So fucked.

MARISHA: Sorry. Another person’s character.

MATT: 25 to 20 anybody? 20 to 15?

ASHLEY: 19.

SAM: Whoa! Who are you?

ASHLEY: I don’t know! But I don’t know what to do
this early on.

TALIESIN: It’s going to be a lot of dodging.

MATT: 15 to ten?

MARISHA: Fjord is 14. Beau is ten.

MATT: All right. Ten to five?

SAM: Seven.

LIAM: Six.

TALIESIN: Seven for me as well. And Jester is
six.

MATT: Caleb and Jester are in the same–

SAM: Caleb and Jester are six, Molly and Nott are
both seven.

MATT: Seven, got it! Top of the round, as you see
it come riding and curve around the corner and

slam into that wall, the stone bends inward even
further and bits of the masonry flake and fall off

to the ground, clattering and small bits of stone.
It turns, and you can see now the six spider-like

blade legs sticking out of it. Six more shoot out
of the top of it, and all begin whirling around

and begin spinning. There, amongst this chaos, you
see the lens sitting right there, just barely

peeking through its armored shell. Yasha, you’re
up first.

ASHLEY: Okay, I would like to rage.

MATT: All righty.

ASHLEY: It’s the time. Do I just go in?

SAM: This is it.

ASHLEY: Can I get to it?

MATT: (counting) You just barely get into its
range with your barbarian speed. You rush in,

anger on your face. You draw your Magician’s Judge
blade in the air.

ASHLEY: Oh no.

TALIESIN: Do you have advantage?

ASHLEY: I didn’t reckless. 11.

MATT: 11, unfortunately, does not hit. Your blade
scrapes across its armored exterior, not finding

purchase in any of its innards.

ASHLEY: Divine Fury, can you do it on the first or
only if the first–

MATT: The first attack that hits.

ASHLEY: That first attack that hits.

MATT: Correct.

ASHLEY: Can I use my extra attack?

MATT: Yeah, you get that every round.

ASHLEY: That’s better. That’s 21.

MATT: 21 hits! Roll damage.

SAM: This is it.

TALIESIN: We’re so fucked.

SAM: Kick it in the ball!

ASHLEY: Okay! 12.

MATT: You roll 2d6 for the weapon, 3d6 for the
Divine Fury. Oh no, it’s additional half your level.

ASHLEY: Yeah. Plus three. It’s 2d6 plus three.

MATT: 2d6 plus three, right?

ASHLEY: Yeah. So 12.

MATT: 12, and then your rage damage, which is
two.

ASHLEY: Oh right! Yeah, 14.

TALIESIN: Is it Divine Fury still?

ASHLEY: No, because that’s only the first.

MATT: Well no, it’s the first attack that hit.
That’s what I’m saying. You get Divine Fury for

this hit because your first one hit, this one does
get it.

ASHLEY: Okay! So an extra d6. Oops. Okay, an extra
two. So 16 total.

MATT: Okay. With that–

SAM: Clang!

MATT: The first strikes off. The second one you
bring down. The blade carves down and one of its

metal arms bends off to the side. The blade digs
into the gears. Yasha’s blade finds its way in.

Sparks go streaking off and the blade gets
jettisoned off. You have to hold it before it gets

shot off the side of it, the clockwork pushing it
out of its innards. The armor plate clicks over

and guards its space.

ASHLEY: Okay. I’ll stay.

TALIESIN: Did it lose a blade just now?

MATT: It looks like it’s bent back a bit. That
ends Yasha’s turn. Fjord is up next.

SAM: Yeah, Fjord!

MARISHA: Fjord’s going to cast Hex!

TALIESIN: Hex, ma’am!

MARISHA: I’m going to Hex that “robit.”

TALIESIN: Hex the “robit.”

MATT: The “robit” is a-hexed.

MARISHA: Hang on, wait. That doesn’t– no. It
doesn’t mess with Armor of Agathys, just checking.

MATT: You have a concentration on Fjord for this.

MARISHA: This is Hex. Then he’s going to take his
falchion, he’s going to flip it, and from the

hilt, he’s going to go (firing). He’s going to
cast Eldritch Blast because I saw him do that once before.

MATT: Like a from-the-hip-shotgun. I like it.

MARISHA: He did it before. I’m ripping it off from
Travis.

MATT: That’s two shots. Fire twice.

MARISHA: Pew pew! 15? Seven plus eight.

MATT: Seven plus eight, 15? You fire, the blast
hits and disperses against the armor. It does not hit.

MARISHA: Right, that magic shit. He’s going to try
it one more time. That bounced. Okay, that’s

better. 13 plus seven.

MATT: 20? 20 does hit. Roll a d10 plus four plus
another d6 for Hex. Not a d4, plus four damage to

whatever you roll on the d10.

MARISHA: I’m sorry. Me don’t know how. Six, sorry.
Five plus four is nine damage.

SAM: Plus three from?

MARISHA: No, that’s it. I rolled a three and a two
plus a four. It’s not a lot of damage. I rolled crappy.

MATT: The second one does manage to pierce some of
its armor. Within the interior of it, there’s a

flash of green on the inside. You see it curl
around from the interior, looking like cracks in

the armor are suddenly glowing and then no more.
That finishes Fjord’s action and bonus action.

MARISHA: What did you roll to hit?

ASHLEY: Say again?

MARISHA: What did you roll to hit?

ASHLEY: Rolled a 21.

MARISHA: 21. So we know 20 hits.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MARISHA: Now, Beauregard–

MATT: Is Fjord going to stay where he is?

MARISHA: Yes, because I’m scared. Beau is going
to–

MATT: Beau doesn’t go yet because it’s now the
Gearkeeper’s turn.

MARISHA: I’m sorry.

MATT: That’s okay.

MARISHA: I didn’t know.

MATT: That’s all right.

SAM: The Gearkeeper.

MATT: Beginning of its turn, it’s going to attempt
to roll over Yasha to go into the chamber. Yasha,

you need to make an athletics or acrobatics
check.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay.

MATT: You’re raging, so you have advantage on your
acrobatics check.

TALIESIN: That athletics is already sweet,
though.

ASHLEY: Oof. Oh. Nine.

MATT: No. First off, you suffer–

ASHLEY: I rolled the wrong ones.

MATT: Seven points of piercing damage as it rolls
over and the blades kick into you.

ASHLEY: Is that halved because I’m raging?

MATT: It is halved. An additional three points of
bludgeoning damage as you are crushed beneath its

weight, and you are knocked prone.

ASHLEY: That’s a total of– you said three and–
I’m sorry.

MATT: It was seven before three. So it’ll be ten
halved, so you take five points of damage.

ASHLEY: Five points of damage, okay.

MATT: It does roll past here, stopping at this
point. It’d be about here, I think. As it spins in

this direction, the things that drew its attention
originally, which is Beau and Nott in that corner.

Nott, you do get an attack of opportunity with a
melee weapon, if you have one, but you

have your crossbow out?

SAM: I probably have my crossbow out.

MATT: So yeah, you don’t do much of an attack
there.

SAM: I’ll hit it with my crossbow.

MATT: Roll an attack. Improvised weapon for a
melee.

SAM: Yeah. 18.

MATT: 18 just hits.

MARISHA: 18 is what hits, y’all!

SAM: Do I get a point of damage?

MATT: You get a point of damage on it.

SAM: Yeah! Eat it!

MATT: Your hand crossbow, as you slam into it, you
look back and it looks like some of the wood is

splintered somewhat. You’re like, “Oh.” It’s not
enough to the point where it looks like it’s not

going to function, maybe, but it’s going to need
some repairs.

SAM: I need a new crossbow, is what I need.

MATT: Well, there you go. As it turns around, the
front of it, where the lens is, the lens retracts

in. The plates in front suddenly open, leaving
this open, black, vacuous space, like a mouth or a

gate, opens in front. You hear this very high,
whirring, winding sound. You see sparks inside,

and a blast of heated shrapnel shoots outward in a
30 foot spray.

SAM: It can do that?!

MATT: Against both of you, right there.

SAM: Cleff, you madman.

MATT: I need you both to make a dexterity saving
throw, please.

SAM: Oh, rough. 12.

MARISHA: That’s not too bad. 22.

MATT: Success, so you take half damage.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: That is 25 points of piercing damage to you
Nott.

SAM: Because I hit it with my thing, do I no
longer have a reaction?

MATT: Correct.

SAM: Oh, shit.

MATT: Now you know about the reactions.

ASHLEY: 25 points of damage?

MATT: Of piercing damage, and halved for you, so
you take 12.

MARISHA: 12.

MATT: Its shrapnel blast is done. That’s the end
of its turn. That brings us to Beau. You’re up.

MARISHA: Okay. Being hit with hot shrapnel, I’m
going to do a cool pole vault over Nott.

MATT: Over this way?

MARISHA: I guess. Wait, where’s Yasha? Yasha’s
here?

MATT: Yasha’s prone on the ground.

MARISHA: I’ll get on the other side of where Yasha
will eventually be.

MATT: Oh, so around here?

MARISHA: Uh-huh. On this side of it.

MATT: You’re moving into melee?

MARISHA: Yep.

MATT: Got it.

MARISHA: Then attack!

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: Whack it with my stick. I’m going to try
and jam it up in between one of those gears.

TALIESIN: You also have the mouth you can throw
the tar up in there.

MARISHA: That’s terrible. That doesn’t hit, that’s
like, ten.

MATT: Ten misses. The first strike with your staff
just scrapes off of its armor, no impact.

MARISHA: I’m going to readjust and try and go for
it again. That’s the exact same roll. Those are

two twos in a row.

MATT: The second one, you strike again. This time,
one of the blades swings outward, and thankfully,

the blade doesn’t hit the staff to cut the wood,
however, it does, the backhand, impact it and

prevent the blow from actually striking its body.

MARISHA: Two twos.

MATT: That’s not fun.

MARISHA: I guess I will do an unarmed attack.

MATT: You go and punch the armored sphere.

MARISHA: So frustrated that I can’t get my staff
up there, I’m just going to go and try and whack

it with my fist.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: 17, which just misses.

MATT: It just misses. Well, not so much a miss.
You hit it, but you go (metallic clang), “Oh!” You

can feel that from the knuckles right to the funny
bone.

MARISHA: Do I have any more movement?

MATT: From there, you have ten feet.

MARISHA: Can I back up towards, or even get this–
I’m just going to stay where I am.

MATT: Okay. Finishing Beau’s turn, that brings us
to Nott and Molly–

MARISHA: Oh wait, hang on, as a bonus act– no. I
used my bonus action. Fuck. Okay, keep going.

SAM: Is its lens out?

MATT: Its lens appears to be out currently, just
surveying the scenario, yes.

SAM: So go for the lens?

TALIESIN: Go for it.

SAM: Bonus action, I will use the Mage Hand to
deliver the tar right on that lens.

MATT: I’ll say, for the purposes of aiming on
this, with your intention, go ahead and make a d20

attack roll adding your perception bonus.

SAM: There is no bonus to that. Well that’s– how
do you feel about that? Well, it fell so we’ll

never know what it was. 17!

MATT: 17! I’ll say, for the purposes of that,
because it’s not armor you’re trying to strike

through, it’s just trying to aim for a position,
that will be enough. The tar, with a toss,

(splashing) all across the lens. You see the
sticky, still warm, thick tar spray onto it, and

get inside the interior of its armor for the
moment. The lens starts (swift movements), and you

hear what previously was, now that it’s close to
you, you can hear there’s hundreds and hundreds of

small clicks and winding sounds on the inside.
There’s now a rapid (zipping movements) as the

lens is trying to find some sort of direction. It
is currently blinded.

(cheering)

SAM: Our plan worked perfectly. How far am I from
the thing?

MATT: Technically, you are ten feet from it.

SAM: Do you think I’m in melee range?

TALIESIN: Probably.

MATT: The blades have a bit of reach, so you are
technically in melee.

TALIESIN: That’s a ten-foot blade reach.

SAM: Can I use my action to disengage?

MATT: You can use your action to disengage, yeah.
Disengage generally is an action.

SAM: Okay. I will disengage and run.

MATT: Which direction?

SAM: Straight to the place I just came from.

MATT: All right. You can get there. You can go one
more, if you want to.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: All right, there you go. You can still keep
it in your visual range, but that’s 30 feet back.

Now you spin around with your crossbow, not
suffering any attack of opportunity. All right, Molly.

TALIESIN: Can I see anywhere where there seems to
be a crack in the armor and make a–

MATT: You may, yes. Well, you can try and
inspect.

TALIESIN: I want to see if there’s anything that
looks like a good target to start doing some

damage to.

MATT: At the moment, it hasn’t taken a lot of
damage, and it’s hard to see if any–

TALIESIN: Is there a plate open or anything at the
moment near me?

MATT: The only plate that’s open is the one that
has the lens visible, but it’s really close to the

body and right now there’s blades spinning in its
space.

TALIESIN: I’m going to try and get to the side
without the blade. I’m going to try and chop open

one of the plates on the back. I’m going to start
hacking away at it. Actually, even with the

blades, there’s an open place right now? Is there
a place for me to start poking the tender insides?

MATT: At the moment, not really. It’s still fresh
in battle, and its armor plates are pretty much

protecting all of it.

TALIESIN: I’m going to try and find one armor
plate and start going to town.

MATT: Where are you going to attack its
construction?

TALIESIN: I want to get to its left hind quarters.
I’m going to run over to the opposite side, flank

it with the lollipop.

MATT: Oh, with the lollipop? All righty. You’re
going to be right there, on top of the door?

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

MATT: All righty, take your attacks.

TALIESIN: First attack is a natural 20!

MATT: Nice! Make your damage on that and roll the
second attack. That’s–

TALIESIN: 2d6 with ice damage. That’s (counting)
17 points of damage.

MATT: 17 points of damage. Nice!

TALIESIN: Next attack with the same sword.
Actually, I’m so sorry, that’s the wrong sword.

That’s 18 points of damage because of the Summer’s
Dance.

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: Then the next one, Summer’s Dance again,
is not quite as good, 12. That does not hit.

MATT: 12 does not, but first strike carves through
and some of the armor bends inward. As you cut

through, plates bend inward, and have to try and
retract to protect, but they’re locked in place.

You’ve actually bent them to the point where they
cannot reform this armored mesh. It’s trying to

correct itself, but busted in place. The second
strike, as you come down, one of the blades

catches and parries it off to the side. No impact
on the second blow.

TALIESIN: Okay. Going for a third strike.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: 14.

MATT: 14 does not hit. This is a tough mother. You
go to strike a third time. You do hit, but it just

doesn’t cut through. The blade shakes a bit. You
pull back, cursing yourself.

TALIESIN: Is it worth seeing if it’s going to–
well, it’s blinded, so it’s got disadvantage if it

tries to even hit me with an attack, so I’m going
to try and back off and climb up that little hill.

MATT: For those questioning, even though it is
blinded, it lowers its attack, because some people

are like, “Attacking things with blindness have
advantage!”. Because it is nothing but a spinning,

whirring of blades, and technically it has
multiple forms of sight, it is not granting

advantage on the attacks against it.

TALIESIN: I’m going to try and hop up that hill
really quickly.

MATT: All righty. You try and move this way?

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: All right, you’re hopping up this edge.

TALIESIN: As high as I can get to get out of its
range.

MATT: Okay, so that will be probably over here,
best you can for this.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Right over there is good.

MATT: You manage to scoot yourself up to that side
and climb away. It does swing out towards you. It

does have disadvantage on the attack because of
the blindness. That will bring it to a 13 to hit.

TALIESIN: That does not hit.

MATT: You manage to duck out of the way.

TALIESIN: And now it doesn’t have a reaction
anymore.

SAM: Ooh, nice.

MATT: That ends your turn there. That brings us to
Caleb and Jester.

LIAM: [no audio]

SAM and TALIESIN: We can’t hear you.

SAM: Why can’t we hear you?

MARISHA: Yeah, we can hear you now. Oh wait, do it
again.

LIAM: Can you hear me right now?

ALL: Yes!

LIAM: Yeah! Okay. I’ll go, but I can’t see. The
map is a pixelated mess of shit from my point of view.

After Mollymauk cleared the way, is the thing on its
own? Is it in a 40-foot cube of empty space, or

are any of my allies in it?

MATT: No, it is surrounded. There’s Beau to one
part of it, it’s about ten feet from Yasha, and

about 15 feet from Molly.

MARISHA: It’s a pretty tight box we’re in.

TALIESIN: We’re in a tight box.

LIAM: Slow is out the window. I pull out my clay
cat’s paw and mutter a few words, and I will cast

Maximilian’s Earthen Grasp. A soil cat’s paw comes
up out of the ground and swipes. It needs to make

a strength save. 16.

MATT: Strength save. That is a 15. What is your
DC?

LIAM: 16. It’s held in place, and it takes 2d6
damage. Hold on. It takes five points of

bludgeoning damage.

MATT: Five points of damage, got it. It is held in
place.

LIAM: It has to use an action to break out.

MATT: That it does. That ends your turn, Caleb.
Are you going to stay back in the corner where you are?

LIAM: If I can squish even one square further away
from it, I would.

MATT: You are backed up into the current corner,
as far away as you can get. That ends Caleb’s

turn. Jester’s up. What are you guys doing with
Jester?

TALIESIN: First off, we’re going to have the
Spiritual Weapon take a swipe right at where the

plates are already broken, and hit it again. Which
is a bonus action, and a plus seven to hit. Oh,

that’s not it. It’s around here somewhere. There
it is. That’s a 15.

MATT: That was 15 to hit?

TALIESIN: Wait, wait. (counting) Yeah, 15.

MATT: That does not hit. The lollipop swings down,
and then bounces down off the armor. The Spiritual

Weapon is not able to penetrate its armored hide.
That’s your bonus action. Jester still has an action.

TALIESIN: I don’t think this is going to do
anything.

MARISHA: (singing) Playing with your friends’ D&D
characters!

TALIESIN: I was thinking of trying maybe a–

SAM: Simple Sacred Flame?

TALIESIN: We could do Sacred Flame, or if you were
nearer I’d say Cure Wounds. Or we could do a

Guiding Bolt.

ASHLEY: Hey, that’s a classic.

TALIESIN: (like Jester) “We’re going to do Guiding
Bolt.” You roll this one.

SAM: (imitating Taliesin) We’re going to do
Guiding Bolt.

ASHLEY: That’s a 26.

MATT: 26 definitely hits! Roll damage on that.

TALIESIN: That’s 4d6 radiant damage.

MATT: Yes, and the next attack on it has
advantage.

ASHLEY: Okay. Come on, Jester. Any pluses?

TALIESIN: No, just 4d6.

ASHLEY: 14.

MATT: 14 points of damage. Nice. As the released
Guiding Bolt slams into the side of it, the blast

of divine energy explodes. Some of the plates dent
inward and now you see this glittering energy

that’s entwining its body, giving you a glimmer of
some of the weak points to help you hit where

it’ll hurt the most. Does that finish Jester’s
turn? She going to stay where she is, or is she

going to move?

TALIESIN: I feel like we should open up a little
bit. I think she’s going to see if she can crawl

over to the door, so she can hide behind it in
case something bad happens.

MATT: Okay, so she tries to move into the
doorway.

SAM: That door actually opens and closes, Matt?

TALIESIN: In fact, she might be smart– she has to
keep the Spiritual Weapon in visual range, right?

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Okay. She’s going to just use that as
some cover.

MATT: Sounds good. So that finishes Jester’s turn.
Top of the round, Yasha.

ASHLEY: Okay. So I’m going to (stuttering) pick
myself up.

MATT: That’s half your movement, so you still have
20 feet of movement.

ASHLEY: Can I flank? Get around so Beau and I
are– yeah.

MATT: Right there. You are now flanking with Beau.
Your first attack has advantage anyway, because of

the Guiding Bolt.

ASHLEY: Right. That’s right.

SAM: Up the butt. Does it have a butt, Matt?

MATT: You cannot discern any sort of rear end or
exhaust port.

SAM: Does it poop?

MATT: You’ll find out, I’m sure.

ASHLEY: 22.

MATT: 22 hits. Roll damage on that first strike.

TALIESIN: That’s a lot.

SAM: Everyone poops.

MARISHA: We can’t see the sphincter!

TALIESIN: Oh wait, no! Everybody poops unless
they’re an android, because then they must be destroyed.

MARISHA: Oh yeah, sure. That’s right.

TALIESIN: Poop, poop.

ASHLEY: 16.

MATT: 16 points of damage. Cutting through bits
and pieces of it. Nice. That’s your first strike

on it. As you jam down, grinding off, some of the
metal plates pull away from it, and once again

lock, unable to push back into place. There’s
small places where you’re starting to buckle parts

of its exterior armor, so its AC actually does go
down by one.

SAM: Ooh!

ASHLEY: Oh, okay. So I get another attack?

MATT: That’s your first strike. You get a second
attack.

TALIESIN: So we now know at least a 17 will hit.

ASHLEY: That does not have advantage, right?

MATT: You do, because you’re currently flanking
with Beau.

MARISHA: (singing) Because we’re flanking, bitch!

ASHLEY: That’s a 25.

MATT: 25 does hit. Roll damage.

ASHLEY: Not an extra, because not Divine Fury?

MATT: Correct. Just 2d6 plus five.

ASHLEY: Okay. That’s 11.

MATT: 11 points of damage. Nice! Yasha, busting it
out. All right, that finish your turn?

LIAM: Just a reminder that everyone is rolling at
advantage while the Cat’s Paw holds it.

ALL: Ooh.

MATT: Oh, because it’s restrained? Right!

TALIESIN: Blinded and restrained right now.

MATT: Good to know. That finishes Yasha’s turn.
It’s now Fjord’s go.

MARISHA: (exaggerated Texan drawl) I do a cowboy
saunter up behind the– I go under the lollipop

and I use the magical field of the lollipop to
make it like me walking through a glitter fog

machine. I walk up to him, thank you. I walk up,
and I’m going to attack with my falchion.

MATT: Go for it. Make two strikes with the
falchion. First attack with advantage.

MARISHA: I’m sorry, Travis.

SAM: That’s exactly how he talks.

MARISHA: I’ll take that 18, plus that seven.

MATT: All right, that hits. The first attack,
that’s a d8 plus–

MARISHA: Plus Hex.

MATT: A d8, plus four, plus Hex.

MARISHA: And then I’m going do Booming Blade with
my action. Is that not how this works?

MATT: No.

MARISHA: Okay, no. I’m going to do damage.

MATT: Booming Blade is a cantrip that only gives
you one attack as part of the action.

MARISHA: Never mind, then I’m just going to hit it
real hard.

MATT: That’s okay.

MARISHA: Six plus two plus five, so eight plus
five.

MATT: All right, that’s 13 damage.

MARISHA: See my math? I can only do half. I’m so
tired.

MATT: It’s been a long day. I know. Fjord comes up
holding the falchion, hand swings down, carving

through, the shadows of the Hex helping the blade
dig in that much more. You have a second attack.

MARISHA: Okay, it’s still advantage, right?

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: Yeah, hyuck hyuck hyuck. I’ll take that
16.

LIAM: Meanwhile, Travis is somewhere singing “Dear
Theodosia.”

MARISHA: Yeah, somewhere he’s getting a nosebleed
while this happens. Four plus four plus five, so 13?

MATT: 13 points of damage? That hits again. With
that, with Fjord carving into it twice with the

blade, each time the falchion is carving through
each section, more and more armored pieces are

pushing inward. It’s not enough to lower its AC,
but it is taking more and more damage. Slowly

you’re piercing its heavily protected exterior.

MARISHA: Do I have any more movement?

MATT: Fjord would have, yeah.

MARISHA: Like ten more?

MATT: Ten more feet.

MARISHA: He’s going to back up to that gate a
little bit.

MATT: One or two steps?

MARISHA: Two, if he can.

MATT: All right. Still in melee.

MARISHA: He’s still in melee? Okay.

MATT: It’s a ten foot range. That ends your turn?

MARISHA: Yep. That’s Fjord’s turn.

MATT: All right. That brings us to the Gatekeeper
construct. The lens has retracted back into its

armor, and you hear this sound (whirring) the lens
comes out, and it has cleared the tar from its lens.

MARISHA: Cleff, you sick bastard!

ASHLEY: Damn it! So he did think of that! He put
that in his notes!

MARISHA: He did! Yeah, he said he didn’t have a
failsafe. That lying old bastard.

ASHLEY: Lying sack of shit.

MATT: The lens retracts and pops out the back
side, immediately scanning the source of what’s

currently clutching it, and its dirt-driven arcane
paw. The blade arms on the top retract in, and

instead these two heavy iron spears lock into
place, and both go firing outward towards Caleb.

SAM: Oh no! Not my sweet boy!

MATT: They have disadvantage, because it is
restrained. With disadvantage, it’s going to be an

18 to hit for the first one.

LIAM: Shield.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: So it misses.

MATT: All righty. Second one, 16 and 18. 16 plus
eight; it’s going to be 24.

LIAM: Oh, that will hit. Those will hit.

MATT: The first one, the shield (clang). It
ricochets off and floats off in the background

spinning. The second one, however, pierces through
the shield and hits you in the chest.

LIAM: That’s not going to be good.

MATT: That’s going to be 17 points of piercing
damage.

LIAM: Good, good, good.

MATT: And you are pinned to the wall. It actually
pierced through your chest and is now holding you

into the stone. Your movement is zero, and you are
considered restrained against the wall.

LIAM: I also have to make a concentration check.

MATT: You do. So go ahead and make a constitution
check. With the damage taken, it has to be at

least a ten or higher.

LIAM: Hold on. I rolled a three.

MATT: No, and with that, the paw is broken.

SAM: (cat yowl)

MARISHA: Shit.

LIAM: Well, it’s still there. It’s just not
holding it. Wait, no, it’s gone.

MATT: No, it’s gone. You’ve lost concentration on
the spell. And it did recharge its shrapnel blast.

MARISHA: I was really wanting advantage on all my
attacks. Oh, but I have Yasha flanking. Okay.

MATT: That being the case, that’s going to finish
its turn. It’s going to stay put. Because the

blades now grind out again and begin whirring and
spinning around its orb-like body. That brings us

to Beau. Beau, at the top of your turn, because
you are within five feet of it, you automatically

take whirling blade damage by being in proximity.

LIAM: Matt, was that 17 points of damage?

MATT: That was, yes.

ASHLEY: I’m also in proximity.

MATT: Yes. So at the top of your turn, you’ll take
it as well. That’s six points of slashing damage

to you, Beau. Now take your turn.

MARISHA: Six. Apply changes. (singing) D&D Beyond!

SAM: My mustache is falling off, so I better hold
it on with another mustache.

TALIESIN: No, stop.

MATT: Fuck you, Sam!

MARISHA: Okay. I’m having internet problems. View.
Okay, I get advantage on this attack, right?

MATT: You do, because you’re flanking.

MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to try and once again get
up in those plates.

SAM: Get up under them plates!

MARISHA: That one’s cocked underneath. Okay!

MATT: A four and a six.

MARISHA: No, it was cocked underneath. It was
tilted.

MATT: Okay. That dice is weird for that because
then you rolled the d20 twice.

MARISHA: Then I won’t use it.

MATT: All right. So roll the second one.

MARISHA: Okay, 17 plus seven.

MATT: For the second strike?

MARISHA: I rolled both at the same– No, first to
strike.

MATT: The first roll you had was a four on the
top, so roll for your second die.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: Just keeping it kosher.

MARISHA: Okay. It’s still an 18.

MATT: 18 hits, yeah. Go ahead and make your strike
with your staff.

MARISHA: Okay. Four.

MATT: Four points of damage?

MARISHA: Plus another four.

MATT: So that’s eight. As your staff strikes
across it, the wood of it, while damaging, doesn’t

seem to be having as strong an impact as you’d
hope against its armored form.

MARISHA: Because it’s not magical?

MATT: It seems to be resistant to something that
is not magical.

SAM: Oh no.

MARISHA: Even though I still hit, can I try to
stun it with a Stunning Strike?

MATT: Sure. Let’s go ahead and– I’m pretty
sure–

MARISHA: I haven’t hit anything in so long and I
just want to stun something. I’ve had such bad

luck the past two fights.

MATT: I’m so sorry.

MARISHA: I haven’t been such a good monk.

LIAM: Yeah. (coughing) That’s rough, buddy.

SAM: So far we’ve learned today that Fjord sounds
like this: (goofy chuckling)

MATT: By the rules as written, because it mentions
the ki of the inside of the body– there is no ki,

but there is a magical core. I’ll say that when
you strike the body intending to stun it, while

you’re not affecting the ki of a soul, the ki that
you’re expending might interfere with its central

energy core. So it has to make a constitution
saving throw.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: That’s going to be a 17. What’s the DC?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: It’s a 12 plus five, I’m sorry.

MARISHA: Yeah, it saves.

MATT: You have another attack.

MARISHA: I’m going to do that. Still have
advantage, right?

MATT: You do.

MARISHA: Man, it will be really awesome when that
monk ability, that’s core of my class, actually

works. 17 plus seven.

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage for
that. Second strike with your staff.

MARISHA: Six.

MATT: All right, six.

MARISHA: Plus another four, so ten total. Sorry.

MATT: It takes five points of damage as the second
strike is still somewhat deflected by the

armor of its body.

MARISHA: Since I have two hits, can I do Extract
Aspects? Spend a ki point?

MATT: You can. You spend a ki point. Since we’ve
changed or errata-ed it, it does not make a saving

throw. You just get to learn–

MARISHA: I get to learn two things now?

MATT: At level six you get to learn two things.

MARISHA: Can I learn its lowest saving throw
ability?

MATT: The lowest saving throw ability it has would
be charisma.

(laughter)

SAM: Useless!

MATT: Not against some spells.

MARISHA: Hey Molly, you want to mock this asshole
to death?

TALIESIN: I think it would still go poorly, but
let’s see if it comes to it.

MARISHA: Okay. I’m going to take my last attack.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

MARISHA: Still at advantage, right?

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: Okay, I hit with a 15 plus seven, so a
22.

MATT: That hits.

MARISHA: I have a d6 now. Five damage.

MATT: Five damage reduced to two. This time, you
hit with your fists. Again, it scrapes through the

armor, and you’re bleeding at the knuckles from
the impact. It’s hard to break through its shell.

MARISHA: I’m feeling so useful, you guys.

MATT: This is a rough fight for a monk at level
five, unfortunately.

TALIESIN: I got a crazy idea.

MATT: That finish your turn, Beau?

MARISHA: Yeah, I’m going to stay exactly where I
am.

MATT: Okay, that finishes Beau’s turn. Nott and
Molly, you’re up.

TALIESIN: You first, please.

SAM: I’m going to scoot around and fire a crossbow
at it.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: That’s a 15 plus seven to hit.

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

SAM: Is it within melee and stuff?

MATT: It is.

SAM: Well, that wasn’t good at all!

TALIESIN: Hey, Beau.

SAM: That’s eight.

MATT: Eight points of damage, reduce that in half
because it’s a non-magical source. That’s four

points of piercing to it.

SAM: I’ll use my Fury Of The Small. That’s another
five points.

MARISHA: Are you using my friend’s success to try
and make me feel better?

TALIESIN: No, he actually only did four points of
damage. Sam only did four.

MARISHA: Oh, you’re trying to use my friend’s
failure to make me feel better.

MATT: It gets stuck in some of the gears. You see
some sparks from the inside, but it doesn’t fully

pierce its shell.

SAM: Terrible. I can’t really do anything. You
know what, I’ll take out my last burning bolt,

that should be magical, load it up and fire that.

MATT: Go for it. That is a magical bolt.

SAM: But that doesn’t hit. I just wasted it. It’s
14.

MATT: The bolt doesn’t impact. It just glides off
the armor. It lands somewhere in the distance. You

don’t know if it’s retrievable or not yet.

SAM: Damn it!

MARISHA: It’s impossible to take you seriously.

SAM: What are you talking about?

TALIESIN: I can’t even– I’m rooting for Nott,
then I look at you and I feel weird.

MATT: Molly, you’re up.

SAM: I’m going to duck back a little bit.

TALIESIN: I’m going to run in and try to do a
little bit more damage in here. I’m coming in and

taking three more shots. I caught it. It’s all
good. That one misses.

MATT: All right, you move in. Go for it.

TALIESIN: That one hits. That’s a 19.

MATT: First strike it dodges; it moves out of the
way. The second strike actually makes an impact,

so roll for that.

TALIESIN: That’s okay. (counting) That’s 12 points
of damage.

MATT: 12 points of damage, all righty. Carves
through with the second strike.

TALIESIN: For a third, slightly less exciting
attack. Natural 20!

MATT: This is your off-hand, so it’s not a magical
weapon.

TALIESIN: But its magicked up.

MATT: Correct, so the extra rite damage is
magical, but the actual blade will be halved.

TALIESIN: Okay, that’s fine.

MATT: So roll the d6 for your blade.

TALIESIN: That’s two to three, so that’s five.

MATT: Five reduced to two. So two damage plus
this, doubled. Well no, sorry, the two is doubled

because it was a crit. So it would have been four
plus three, which is seven.

TALIESIN: So it was a five.

MATT: Sure, it’s five damage.

TALIESIN: And then six because this is doubled.

MATT: So 11 points of damage. Now the armor is
reduced to 16 as you’re carving away at its

armored shell. It’s starting to look pretty hurt.
You see it shifting rapidly trying to figure out

its situation and tactically maneuver best it
can.

TALIESIN: I’m going to see if I can hop back up
out of– am I ever getting out of melee, or am I

not getting out of melee?

MATT: If you back all the way up to here, you can.
Or all the way up to the top.

TALIESIN: It will still get an attack of opportunity
on me, though. Without disadvantage now.

MATT: At the moment, no.

TALIESIN: You know, I’m going to stick around for
now.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I’m going to keep a flanking point. I’m
going to move a little bit, so that we’re spread

out around it. So it has to make some decisions.

SAM: Can he use the rest of his movement to work
on his Jester accent?

MATT: Sure.

TALIESIN: That’s going to be a lot of movement.

MATT: Caleb and Jester, you’re up next. Caleb,
you’re currently pinned to the wall. You’re muted

also, I can’t hear you.

LIAM: What comes after Jester and I in the
initiative order?

MATT: Yasha does.

LIAM: Yasha does, and then the thing?

MATT: Yes, Yasha, Fjord, and then the thing.

MARISHA: And Jester is with you.

LIAM: Yeah, I know. I’m having trouble thinking
straight because there is a blade through my gut

and my rib cage. So I grasp the cat’s paw again, I
don’t try to pull myself loose, and I cast

Maximilian’s Earthen Paw again. Strength save.

MATT: As the paw reaches out once more to grab
it– that is a 19. 14 plus five. Sorry, man.

You’re still maintaining concentration, but it did
not seem to grasp it at this moment. All right,

that ends Caleb’s turn. Jester’s up.

MARISHA: No, don’t do that! Go back. Sorry, keep
going.

TALIESIN: Should I try something offensive or
healing-based, do you think? How are you doing, Caleb?

LIAM: Bad.

TALIESIN: Okay, so we’re going to do this. We’re
going to run out and cast Healing Word on Caleb.

MATT: Okay, so step back through the door a little
bit there. What level?

TALIESIN: Level one.

MATT: So a d4 plus four to Caleb.

TALIESIN: Yes, 1d4 plus four. So that’s seven
points.

MATT: Caleb, you heal seven points. That’s a bonus
action from Jester. What’s next? You can only use

a cantrip since you’ve cast a bonus action spell.

ASHLEY: So the Spiritual Weapon?

MATT: Spiritual Weapon is a bonus action spell.
You’ve already used the Healing Word, unfortunately.

TALIESIN: But I can use my action for the bonus
action.

MATT: It doesn’t work that way.

TALIESIN: You can’t up a bonus action to an
action?

MATT: No.

TALIESIN: Man! So I can’t cast anything higher
than level one either, can I?

MATT: Or a cantrip.

TALIESIN: I can only cast cantrip at this point. I
would have done that in the reverse order if I had

been thinking about things. Well, what do I got? I
got a– oh!

MATT: But Caleb’s healed a little bit.

TALIESIN: Caleb’s healed and that’s good. Do we
want to try?

ASHLEY: Yeah, I say give it a go.

TALIESIN: Let’s try Toll the Dead.

MATT: Constitution saving throw?

TALIESIN: It’s a wisdom saving throw.

MATT: Wisdom to Toll the Dead?

TALIESIN: You point at one creature you can see
within range, and the sound of a– you succeed at

a wisdom saving throw or take 1d8 of necrotic.

MATT: It is wisdom, you are right. So that would
put it at a 14. Because it has no wisdom modifier.

ASHLEY: 15.

MATT: 15, so it takes the damage! Go ahead and
roll.

TALIESIN: If the target is missing any of its hit
points, it instead takes 1d12 necrotic damage.

MATT: You’re level five, so it technically–

SAM: (Jester voice) Technically!

MATT: It’s a 5th-level character, so it’s–

MATT and TALIESIN: 2d12.

TALIESIN: All right. That’s 17 points of necrotic
damage.

MATT: Not bad for a cantrip!

TALIESIN: Boom!

MATT: “It’s not too bad.” All right, that’s going
to finish Jester’s turn. Does she want to move?

TALIESIN: I think she’s going to back up again.

MATT: Back into the door? You got it. Jester is
just on the side there. All right, finishes

Jester’s go, Yasha you’re up.

ASHLEY: Okay, I am going to attack with my–

MATT: At the top of your turn, you take blade
damage because you’re in proximity to it. That’s

ten. You take ten points of piercing damage. So,
reduced to five.

TALIESIN: You’re a beast. You’re great.

ASHLEY: All right, so, question? I would like to
try to use the Dispel Magic portion of my

Magician’s Judge.

SAM: Now?

ASHLEY: I don’t know; is that bad?

SAM: I don’t know, can you get in there? Is the
guts exposed?

TALIESIN: Is there enough gut to hit?

MATT: There are a couple of pockets where you can
see inside of it, but you don’t see the power

source. It’s risky.

ASHLEY: Okay, I’m going to wait.

MATT: So you’re just taking a strike with it? You
have advantage because you’re flanked with Beau.

MARISHA: I think that’s the best thing I’ve done
this whole fight, is flanking.

MATT: Some fights aren’t great for every class,
I’m sorry.

ASHLEY: 19.

MATT: 19 hits! Roll damage.

TALIESIN: 16 to hit, so that’s not bad.

MATT: Yep, 16 AC.

ASHLEY: Okay. 17 points.

MATT: 17 points! Carving past with the blade. You
have a second strike, if you’d like.

ASHLEY: I would like– Does that also have
advantage, or no?

MATT: Yeah it is, because you’re flanking.

ASHLEY: Okay, ooh! 22.

MATT: Yeah, that hits. Roll damage again.

ASHLEY: 16.

MATT: 33 points of damage in one round. Yasha
doesn’t mess around. That finishes your turn?

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: Fjord’s up.

MARISHA: Okay, Fjord is going to walk up. “I’m a
warlock.” First, he’s going to do– I don’t think

this is a concentration thing, it’s a bonus
action. He’s going to do Hexblade’s Curse.

MATT: Correct, you can do that.

SAM: It’s pronounced–

SAM, MARISHA, and TALIESIN: (exaggerated Texas
drawl) Hexblade’s Curse.

TALIESIN: So much fun to make fun of him when he’s
not here. I think, at some point, you may need

another mustache.

MARISHA: I gain a bonus to damage rolls that
equals my proficiency modifier.

MATT: So an additional three damage per strike.

MARISHA: An additional three damage! I should have
done this forever ago.

MATT: Yeah, but now you know.

MARISHA: I’m not a warlock! First attack, still
with advantage, right?

MATT: No! You’re not flanking with anybody.

MARISHA: Oh, he’s not. It’s just Yasha and I.

MATT: So first attack with the falchion.

MARISHA: Plus seven.

MATT: That’s two attacks there.

MARISHA: Oh wait, sorry. But I’ll take it. Those
first two attacks, 17 and 14.

MATT: Yeah, both will hit, so roll damage on each.
So a d8 plus–

MARISHA: d8 plus six.

MATT: d8 plus seven on each attack, plus a d6 on
each. So roll that.

MARISHA: Six plus seven, so 13 on the first one.
Same, 13 on the second one.

MATT: Nice! Starting to look pretty rough now, as
parts of it are breaking down a bit. It’s shaking

and you see little sparks on the inside as gears
are starting to connect where they’re not supposed

to and grind against each other. That finish
Fjord’s turn?

MARISHA: Yeah, can he back up again?

MATT: Five feet or ten?

MARISHA: Ten?

MATT: One more and it’ll take an attack of
opportunity. Up to you.

MARISHA: If he does an attack of opportunity, if I
move Fjord back, than we get a Sentinel strike, right?

MATT: Technically, if he takes it.

MARISHA: Yeah, let’s do it! Sorry, Fjord. He
hasn’t taken any damage, step back. He still has

Armor of Agathys, too.

TALIESIN: Step all the way back. Might as well,
because you can always run back there.

MARISHA: I think that’s as far as he can go,
movement speed-wise.

MATT: No, he can move farther than that.

MARISHA: Sure.

MATT: Okay, it’s not going to take an attack of
opportunity. It’s currently focused on everything

else around it.

MARISHA: What?! Okay.

MATT: That finishes Fjord’s turn?

MARISHA: Yes, it does.

MATT: This entity is going to attempt to shift
back this way. Which means Beau and Molly both get

attacks of opportunity against it.

ASHLEY: I get one?

MATT: You do not, because it’s still in melee with
you.

TALIESIN: Do you get to try and make it not move?

MARISHA: I do. Do I still get advantage because
flank?

MATT: No, because it’s moved out of that range.

MARISHA: Okay. Yeah, that’s a 17 plus seven, so
24.

MATT: 24 hits, so roll damage. It does not move.

MARISHA: That’s an eight on an eight. Plus four,
so 12 damage.

MATT: 12 reduced to six, got it.

MARISHA: And he does not move.

MATT: Nope, he gets stuck there. The bane of all
GMs everywhere.

TALIESIN: I don’t still get to take my attack of
opportunity, even though that happened?

MATT: No, he did not technically move out of–
it’s sticky. It’s one of those weird things where

he doesn’t technically move beyond the range, but
he tries to.

TALIESIN: He tried to and I try to make a jab.

MATT: I’ll let you have it, sure.

TALIESIN: I’ll take no advantage.

MATT: You have no advantage.

TALIESIN: I thought I might be flanked.

MATT: Currently, no. You would need something
right there in that corner to flank.

TALIESIN: That’s a (counting) 24 to hit.

MATT: That hits. Roll damage.

TALIESIN: That’s (counting) nine points of damage.
Yeah, nine.

MATT: It angrily is going to open to do its
shrapnel blast.

SAM: Yeah. Where? Oh no, Caleb, you’re in that
cone.

MARISHA: Ah, Caleb!

SAM: Oh no, he’s dead already!

MARISHA: Oh god! How long has he been like that?

MATT: It was that powerful! I need Molly, Beau,
Fjord, and Caleb, and technically Jester, as

well.

ASHLEY: Isn’t she behind the door?

MATT: She didn’t close the door there. She stepped
into the space to maintain eye contact.

SAM: (singing) Open the door on your mystery date.
Caleb, you have to make a dex save.

TALIESIN: Dex save?

MATT: Dex save, please.

LIAM: 20.

MATT: That’s a success.

MARISHA: 14.

MATT: That is a failure.

SAM: How? You’re pinned to a wall!

TALIESIN: Dex save? 22 for me.

MATT: Success. Oh, you’re not there. Nott?

LIAM: I spun myself like a pinwheel.

MATT: Fjord and Jester, if you could.

SAM: Marisha, do one for Fjord.

MARISHA: Don’t fuck Fjord, Gil! Oh, good. 17 for
Fjord.

TALIESIN: Ten for Jester.

MATT: Okay, so everyone saves except for Fjord.
Sorry, Jester. 27 points of piercing damage,

halved to be 13 points of piercing damage to
everybody.

MARISHA: Do I save?

MATT: You rolled a–?

MARISHA: 14.

MATT: No, you do not, so you take the full 27
points of piercing damage.

TALIESIN: Okay, so 14 points of piercing damage.

MARISHA: I had 27 hit points left.

MATT: No shit?

ASHLEY: You’re unconscious?

MARISHA: Beau’s unconscious again.

SAM: How about you, Cay? Cay-Cay?

LIAM: Low.

SAM: Low, okay.

MATT: And still pinned. Jester took a full 27.

SAM: How’s she?

ASHLEY: Jester took a full 27?

MATT: She rolled low for her dexterity check. 27
points of damage.

TALIESIN: Is that the whole, or did you not do the
whole thing? I’m up. I’m fine.

MATT: That’s its action. It is locked in place and
it can’t move. Its speed is zero, frustratingly.

Caleb, I need you to make another concentration
check, please, from the damage you took.

LIAM: On what? Nothing’s up.

MATT: I thought your other cat hand?

LIAM: That failed last time, didn’t it?

MATT: It failed, but can you still try it for
every turn after, or is it a one-time cast thing?

LIAM: It can use a strength save to break out of
it and it exists, but if I fail my concentration

check, it goes, right?

MATT: But you’ve recast it.

LIAM: The second time it succeeded immediately.

MATT: Right, but when you create it in space, it
stays there.

LIAM: It stays there?

MATT: Yeah, and then as an action you can cause it
to try and do things–

LIAM: Great! Then that means it’s staying there.

MATT: Make a concentration check to see if you
maintain the spell.

LIAM: Yes, sir.

MATT: Higher than a ten.

LIAM: 12.

MATT: All right, you succeed. You maintain
concentration. That finishes your turn. Beau,

you’re up first.

SAM: Do that thing you do, Beau.

MARISHA: Roll a death saving throw? That is the
thing I do.

MATT: You don’t have to roll. You take damage from
proximity to it, so you automatically fail a death

saving throw from the blades carving into your
now-unconscious body nearby.

MARISHA: Do I roll again? Can I take the roll I
just used?

MATT: Yeah, whatever you rolled on your death
saving throw.

MARISHA: 14.

MATT: Yeah, so that’s a failure and a success.
That brings us to Nott and Molly.

TALIESIN: You want to go first?

SAM: Sure?

TALIESIN: Got any thoughts?

SAM: I mean, I don’t have much. I’ll walk up
there, poke around the corner, shoot a crossbow

bolt, do my thing. That’s a big hit. 25.

MATT: That’ll do. Roll damage with sneak attack.

MARISHA: Should have brought more tar.

SAM: Ten, halved.

MATT: Five points of piercing damage on the first
strike. Do you want to bonus action attack as well?

SAM: I guess? These attacks are so weak. I don’t
know what else to do. I don’t have anything else

to do. Yeah, I guess I’ll shoot another one. Why
not? That hits, 23.

MATT: 23? Go ahead. That’s 1d6 plus–

SAM: That’s another six points, halved.

MATT: Halved to three, all righty. Sparks are
flying. It’s starting to shake. Molly, top of your

turn, the swirling blades spin around and you take
eight points of slashing damage. It’s your turn.

TALIESIN: (counting) Eight points of slashing
damage. Oof, that’s rough. I’m going to take two

swipes at– I’m going to try and move. I’m going
to try and move somewhere where I’m flanking. Is

there any flanking available at the moment?

MATT: At the moment, for you, if you move over
Beau’s body. It’s a tough call. I mean, I’ll let

you do it, if you want to. You’ll have to be
standing over her unconscious body.

TALIESIN: I was about to say, is it in any way
that going to give her a little cover, at the very

least?

MATT: Probably not.

TALIESIN: I’ll move in and then move around–
well, no, goddamn it.

MATT: It’s up to you.

TALIESIN: I’m going to take a couple shots and see
how this goes.

MATT: Go for it. Take those shots, Molly.

TALIESIN: Because I can use some hits that are all
right.

SAM: Take those shots, Mollymauk.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that’s what we’re doing. First
hit.

LIAM: Don’t throw away your shot.

TALIESIN: I’m not throwing away my shot. That’s a
22 to hit.

MATT: That hits.

TALIESIN: Let’s get that first thing. That’s 12
points of damage?

MATT: 12 points of damage, all righty. Next
strike?

TALIESIN: Next strike. That definitely hit. That’s
24.

MATT: Yep, roll damage on this one.

TALIESIN: (counting) That’s ten points of damage.

MATT: Ten points of damage. How do you want to do
this? The blades are spinning, grinding around.

TALIESIN: I’ve got that one really soft blade and
I’m rolling it, and I want to see that one little

opening and I want it to bend. The sword bends and
does that Chinese martial art thing where it goes

and pops all the way into the center of it, and I
go wrist deep into the thing.

MATT: The edges of the armor scrape against your
flesh, pushing and cutting past skin, causing

blood to drip down your arm, but this is a natural
state for you. As the arm pushes into the center,

there’s a flash of blue light, and the interior of
its armored shell (electricity crackling). It’s

like a glow on the inside of a cracked, dark orb,
as all the individual sections where the plate

armors meet suddenly glow with a bright, vibrant
blue-white light, and then go dark, and the whole

metal object hits the ground. All the legs go
limp, and it rolls a little bit to one side, now

inert and no longer functioning as a construct.

LIAM: That was a Chow Yun-Fat moment.

TALIESIN: I got a new die, baby. Does it look
familiar, motherfucker?

SAM: Is it the Snitch?

TALIESIN: It’s the nega-Snitch.

MATT: The nega-Snitch.

SAM: Where did you get that?

TALIESIN: I found the place where the Snitch came
from. I had the woman make me one out of iron.

MATT: I love it.

TALIESIN: Boom, motherfucker.

MATT: We’ll see how it fares.

TALIESIN: It’s been middly, but it’s done okay
today.

SAM: Ecks versus Sever.

TALIESIN: Gil has been a help today.

MATT: All righty. You all take a moment. Beau is
bleeding out.

TALIESIN: Oh, no, we’re immediately going to
help.

MATT: Jester runs up.

ASHLEY: Jester runs up and casts Cure Wounds.

SAM: Does she have a Cure Wounds?

TALIESIN: Yeah, we got 1st-level Lay on Hands to
get her up.

ASHLEY: At 1st-level, because I feel like that’s
what she would do.

MARISHA: You really get tired of this dying thing.
I guess unconscious thing.

TALIESIN: You did so well. No, really. You did
some good stuff in there. You kept it sitting.

LIAM: Yasha.

ASHLEY: Yeah?

LIAM: Could you please come cast Pull This
Lamppost Out of My Stomach?

ASHLEY: Oh, yes, yes. I go over and I– here.

MATT: Yasha puts her foot up on the wall, and with
one big yank, pulls it out of your torso, Caleb.

It was about two inches from the side of your body
and thrust through your abdomen. You begin to

bleed, but Jester comes over and helps close up
that wound before you bleed out too much further.

SAM: I’m going to run back and see what was back
over there.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I want to take a look in the other
room too, and give them a proper look.

MATT: Glancing into the chamber, that is another
closed gate that is bent inward from the repeated

slamming of this centurion trying to make its way
in. Looking past the inside, you see four

decomposed bodies.

SAM: Can I open the thing?

MATT: Make an attempt to do so.

TALIESIN: Liam, you get ten hit points, and you
get 12.

MARISHA: Dope.

LIAM: Who gets what now?

TALIESIN: You get ten.

MARISHA: I get 12.

SAM: 13.

LIAM: From Jester?

TALIESIN: From Jester.

MATT: These prison locks are a pain in the butt.
You haven’t encountered something quite so heavily

fortified as these cells.

SAM: Caleb, I need you to come open this door.

TALIESIN: I’m going to walk over to the door and
start beating it with a sword.

MATT: Okay, make a strength check.

TALIESIN: You can’t dex cut this thing? You can’t
pop it in?

MATT: No, you have to force it.

SAM: Yasha, I need you to come kick in this door.

ASHLEY: If this big thing couldn’t kick it in, how
could I?

LIAM: I’m coming.

SAM: You’re bigger.

TALIESIN: Eight.

MATT: It is not budging.

SAM: You’re bigger in spirit and heart.

ASHLEY: Okay, I’ll come and try to open the door.

MATT: You go over, see where Molly has failed, and
you go and try to fill that void. Make a strength check.

SAM: I believe in you. Oh, wait!

ASHLEY: What?

TALIESIN: No, go ahead.

ASHLEY: It’s not going to budge.

SAM: I’m going to use this, Matt. I’m going to try
to bend fate and try to repick the lock.

MATT: Okay. It’s a little late, but I’ll allow it,
sure.

SAM: I know.

MATT: Why not? Go for it.

SAM: It’s a lot.

(laughter)

SAM: It’s 26.

MATT: 26, okay. As Yasha comes forward and slams
her foot into it, it jostles the lock just enough

for you to slip past the tumblers, and with a
(creaks) it opens a few inches on the inside. The

bottom of it is scraping against the stonework,
the way it’s been bashed and bent has actually

forced it out of the frame of the door, and it’s
going to take a bit more force to push it open

enough to move inside, but you manage to do so.

TALIESIN: The three of us will get that door
open.

LIAM: Caleb stops mid-somatic gesture and says,
“Ah, fuck this,” and goes back to the first door

and has a short rest.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Yeah, Beau is going to deliriously–
still really messed up, like a drunk person doing

a pointless task– is going to try and scoop up
some ball bearings that she threw, and then after

maybe she picks up like ten–

MATT: Make an investigation check.

MARISHA: Okay.

LIAM: Eins, zwei, drei, vier.

MARISHA: 12?

MATT: How many ball bearings did you throw out?

MARISHA: I tossed my baggie–

MATT: Your entire bag?

MARISHA: My pouch. And did one of these things. So
I’m going to get my pouch back, and then–

MATT: Okay. You get your pouch back and you manage
to scoop up– you have, we’ll say, 814 ball bearings.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: (laughs) Most of which because it’s such a
ridiculous item.

MARISHA: Then after I, deliriously tired of
scooping up ball bearings, I’m going to stumble

back and collapse next to Caleb and also take a
short rest.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: May I go over and see the room where this
thing was staying in, on the other side?

MATT: Sure, so you make your way to the opposite
end.

SAM: Anything near the bodies?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

SAM: This I’m good at. One.

(laughter)

MATT: You find– at first you think it’s dried
compost, but you eventually realize, no, it’s just

very old human excrement.

MARISHA: Ooh.

TALIESIN: At some point we’ll cast Detect Magic–

MATT: You found prison poop.

SAM: Old prison poop.

MATT: Yes. Yasha, you head off to the other side
where the gate is open, and as you go inside, you

can see the interior of this chamber is as scraped
up as the rest of them from where this sentry was

attempting to scan and break out. On the inside–
make an investigation check? First time for you?

ASHLEY: I think it is. 11.

MATT: 11, okay. Looking around on the inside, you
take a glance– and there are these little pieces

of things everywhere, some hard, some soft, and
you start pulling it up, and you notice that a lot

of these are tiny torn slivers of blanket or sheet
or pillow, and the other hard pieces are tiny

shards of bone. Whatever prisoners who were in
here who could not keep this at bay, their remains

have been, time and time again, ground, battered,
and destroyed by this creature as it ran through.

It has torn apart their bedding and their bodies,
but beyond that, nothing else of interest.

LIAM: Back at the front gate, leaning against
Beauregard: Eh, what is that? Is that your blood–

or is that mine?

MARISHA: (slurring) I don’t know, it might be
yours. It’s hard to tell.

LIAM: (snoring)

MATT: Fjord pats you on the shoulder next to you
and goes, “Hey, I just wanted to let you know, I

"appreciate what you did, taking the brunt of it,
because it didn’t even hurt me.”

MARISHA: (slurring) That’s very true. I’m going to
remember that next time.

MATT: “And that’s because of you.”

MARISHA: (slurring) You’re the best, Fjord.

MATT: “I know.” All righty, so what else are you
guys doing?

SAM: Should we retrieve the magic core or anything
as proof of what we did here?

TALIESIN: I mean, the fact that we’re going to
leave the door open and it’s not coming up, but

yeah, we’ll go get the core and I figure we’re
going to do a thorough investigation of the whole

thing once Caleb can do a Detect Magic.

MATT: Okay. While Caleb’s taking a moment to
finish his short rest, you begin to peer inside

and pull back some of the loosened armor plates.
Now that the machine is open, there’s not tension

holding it together, and you see that each of
these armored plates, on the inside, are attached

to its own arm-like pole. Once it collapsed, all
the armor plates went limp and fell open. It’s a

tension-held bit of armor, that it could expand
and push out different areas to leave openings and

then retract again. It’s a pretty ingenious
design, and you can see why Tinkertop is a

talented man, though flawed sometimes in his
designs. This is pretty revolutionary.

TALIESIN: It’s like a weaponized version of one of
those balls that you throw up in the air and it

turns inside out.

MATT: Similar to that, I guess you could say.
Looking inside, it’s hundreds of these little

poles, and gears, and little servos, and a lot of
them are ground, bent, and damaged from the impact

that you left inside. There in the center, you see
a cracked open, and partially destroyed, bluish

crystal sphere. That was where your final blow
impacted to destroy it.

TALIESIN: I’m going to keep cutting off the arms
so we can get to it.

MATT: It’s yanking and bending pieces, pulling
them out and (pinging). On the inside, with the

damage you’ve done, it’s not too hard to pry a few
off, but you manage to get to it, and there is the

cracked and shattered crystal core.

ASHLEY: Couple questions. I really like some of
the armor pieces that he has on his shoulders,

like with the skulls and things. Is that just part
of his–

MATT: That’s just part of the miniature. That was
my representation for it. I did not have a mini of

a spherical ball made of armor. I’m sorry, that’s
the best I could do for size and intimidation.

I’ve been very busy, didn’t have time to make an
entire mini of a tiny spherical metal ball covered

in blades.

TALIESIN: What could you have possibly have been
doing, Matt? Sorry!

MATT: Sorry, no. It’s fine.

MARISHA: Your mustache is traveling.

SAM: Wherever it stays. Well, let’s take this
stuff back up to the warden?

TALIESIN: We’ve had a short rest, and we’ll do a
quick search. Can you do a Detect Magic spell, Caleb?

LIAM: Yeah, I have a little bit left in me,
Mollymauk. Will you help me up, please?

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah come on, that’s all right.

MARISHA: No, he’s my pillow! Fuck you, Molly.

TALIESIN: Go fuck yourself, Beau. Come on.

LIAM: (grunting) Okay. Point me at the thing.

MATT: You do a scan of Detect Magic through the
room over the next 15 minutes or so. You do a

thorough pass around. Nothing magical catches your
attention. Most of the interior here is–

Actually, no, that’s not true. Very faint magical
auras from two ember light torches that are on the

wall. That faint red light that you’ve seen is
essentially a very low light Everburning torch.

LIAM: I turn to Mollymauk and say: Yeah, the only
thing magical here is you, friend. Pat pat on the

cheek. I wander back over to Beauregard, and I go
to sleep again.

TALIESIN: All right, come on, we’re going to get
you guys out of here. (strained) We’re going to go.

MARISHA: (groaning) Okay.

MATT: You pick yourselves up, and make your way
back to the heavy metal door. On this side, you

can see the heavy scraping across it as this ball
has also been pushing repeatedly into this one

exit point. As you approach, it is still closed
and presumably locked.

SAM: (knocking) We’re done. Let us out. Guards!

MATT: You hear some shifting behind it, and
eventually hear the familiar grinding of chains

against metal. (creaking) It opens slightly and
the guards peer out. “You alive?”

TALIESIN: I hold up the glowing crystal. You
should see the other one. (laughs)

MATT: “Go check it out.” A few of the gnomish
guards push past and head down. Another one of the

gnomish guards goes, “Well, fucking A. Is it
done?” The other gnomes rush past him and say,

“Sure enough. They killed the thing!” He’s like,
“Oh, all right. I’ll lead you back to our boss.

"Come on, follow me.”

MARISHA: Beauregard goes: I just– it took a lot
out of us. I pass out in Yasha’s arms.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MARISHA: Yasha?

TALIESIN: Do I buy this?

MARISHA: You have to carry me.

ASHLEY: I got you.

MATT: Fireman carries you.

TALIESIN: I want to have an insight versus
deception check on you.

MATT: Make an insight check.

TALIESIN: All right. I ain’t going to mess with
you, I just want to know. Nope, that’s an eight.

Unless you roll really poorly.

ASHLEY: As I’m holding her–

MARISHA: I rolled way better.

ASHLEY: –I will cast Healing
Hands.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll for that.

ASHLEY: Regain number of hit points equal to
your level. So you gain an extra five hit points.

MARISHA: You make me feel so warm inside.

TALIESIN: Come on, Nott.

MARISHA: How many hit points?

MATT: Five.

ASHLEY: A whole five.

SAM: On our way out, do I see my bolt anywhere?

MATT: Make an investigation check as you glance
around the space.

SAM: 12.

MATT: Because it’s a small space, you do manage to
recover it, so you get one bolt back. It did not trigger.

SAM: It only triggers if it hits?

MATT: If it hits an intended target, possibly, or
something hard enough. You rolled low enough where

it didn’t seem to truly impact.

LIAM: Make a Fu-Manchu check.

MATT: You guys slowly make your way, guided back
by the various guards of the Gearhold Prison, to

the office of the Wardenhelm, where both Rissa and
her father are waiting. As they walk in, you

glance over and can see Cleff. He’s like, “So
how’d it go? Any luck with the thing? Oh, you

"broke it!”

TALIESIN: We did. We may need that later, sadly.

MATT: “I’m simultaneously impressed and kind of
sad, but impressed mostly.”

TALIESIN: It did work us over quite well.

SAM: It was an incredible device.

ASHLEY: It really was.

SAM: You could have told us the eye had a
protective windshield wiper device.

MATT: “It’s more for when it’s raining. I didn’t
think it would be for tar, but good to know.” He

takes out the note in his little pad.

TALIESIN: I’m going to take the crystal back. I’m
so sorry, we may need this.

MATT: At this point, you see turning in the office
vicinity, Wardenhelm Poppin turns and goes, “It

"appears my guards say you are successful in this.
That is very good. I am impressed. What is your

"names, if I might be of curious?”

MARISHA: We’re The Mighty Nein.

MATT: “The Mighty Nein. All right. Good to know
that The Mighty Nein can be relied upon in such

"situations. Are you staying in town for quite a
while?”

MARISHA: I don’t know how long we might be staying
in town, so maybe we should go ahead and talk

about that deal while we’re here?

MATT: “Right. While you were down there, I got
approval for about 200 gold from the Starosta for

"payment. I hope that is enough?”

MARISHA: To get out the Schusters?

TALIESIN: He doesn’t know about the Schusters.

MARISHA: Oh. But you talked about getting people
out.

TALIESIN: No, we mentioned vaguely that we might
want something.

MATT: “I am curious as to what you are referring
to.”

TALIESIN: We have some friends that are currently
interred here for financial troubles? Nothing

dangerous, nothing violent. We were wondering if
we could make a deal for maybe some leniency. If

that’s possible.

MARISHA: Take that 200 gold, consider it their
bail and time served.

TALIESIN: Also, we do have a bit of the mechanism,
and if everybody here is all right, I am of the

opinion that if anybody asks us, it was your
brilliant idea to let us into that cell in the

first place to take care of this problem. If
anybody asks, we know who is absolutely

responsible for this.

LIAM: You picked us specifically.

SAM: Poppin Drokrusher.

TALIESIN: You saw something in us. You took a
chance, and we’re grateful for it.

MARISHA: And this guy will agree to that. Right,
Cleff? I elbow Cleff.

MATT: “Oh! Of course, great deal. Ooh, sternum,
it’s a bit pain–” Go ahead and make a persuasion

check with advantage.

TALIESIN: All right, come on, man. For fuck’s
sake. That’s a six.

MARISHA: Total?

MATT: A six.

TALIESIN: I don’t have any persuasion. I don’t
know why–

MATT: Why you keep leading these social
encounters?

TALIESIN: Somebody should pick up, but we don’t
have our talker here right now.

MATT: Well, you got a talker, but that’s okay. He
takes a keen look at you, goes over, and starts

thumbing through papers. Goes through his books,
picks one, and goes, “Schuster, Schuster,

"Schuster. All right, I found the report here.” He
turns the page, “That looks like they were

"arrested for false idol worship. That is not a
minor offense.”

LIAM: Look at it this way: one path we could take
is that you are the mastermind who hired the right

people for the job and everything is perfect. The
other path, we talk about how we came in and fixed

things you could not.

MATT: “The Schusters are still to serve a two-year
sentence, both of them. To pay the amount to bail

"them out would be, at this point, about 350 gold.
With the 200 that were offered, that would put you

"at a 150 bail amount should you wish to indeed pay
for these very important friends of yours.”

MARISHA: Well, considering you have a hunk of
metal down in your basement that is worth at least

100 gold worth of scrap that I’m sure the Assembly
Yard would love to have–

MATT: “And they will, because it’s still
technically commissioned originally by the prison,

"so we own the rights to its carcass. However, the
moment of negotiation is over. This is my price as

"it stands. Either you receive the 200 and walk
away, or you can continue to pay the bail and they

"will be released. That is up to you–”

LIAM: Ja, I think that’s a fair deal. Jester,
would you mind settling this debt for us?

TALIESIN: Yeah, that’s no problem. Jester will be
happy to pay.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: 150 gold?

MATT: 150 gold.

TALIESIN: Laura, you can text right now.

ASHLEY: Oh no!

TALIESIN: That’s okay. Laura will text if she has
a problem with that.

MARISHA: Fjord can foot half, since he’s
sympathetic.

TALIESIN: Fjord will pay half! So 75 gold each.

MATT: That’s true.

MARISHA; Fjord says, “You know what? To keep them
out of that orphanage?”

LIAM: Your gold, Laura, or your maternal bond. You
choose!

TALIESIN: Seven. Okay. So that’s all right. Bump
bump. Oh, and look at that! It’s all done! Look at

that, it’s all done. That all happened!

MATT: Look at that. It’s beautiful.

MARISHA: He’s like, “No money was spent!”

TALIESIN: It’s as if it never was!

ASHLEY: What a bunch of assholes.

TALIESIN: That’s what you get for getting knocked
up, man. Right there. Sorry.

(laughter)

MATT: At this point, he–

MARISHA: Kids are expensive!

TALIESIN: Kids are a deep financial drain, man!

MATT: It’s true!

LIAM: Man, don’t I know it.

MATT: He accepts the coin, shouts out to– he
says, “Micahl!” And this female halfling comes

rushing in. He says, “I would like for you to
write a writ for me of success in clearing the

"lower regions of the prison under the watchful eye
of the Wardenhelm Poppin Drokrusher. I thank you.

"And also, could we please have sent up immediately
a,” he leans forward, “Gilda and Wallace Schuster.

"They are on the second level in cell 12B. They
have had their bail paid.” The halfling rushes

off, some of the guards leave with her, and about
20 or so minutes later you hear the footsteps

return and there you see this couple. They pull
forward, dirty, sallow, not very well-fed, but

alive, and they both look bewildered. The man,
who’s got a thick graying brown scruff and the

hair a bit shaken from his form, he glances up at
the rest of you. “I don’t understand what’s happening.”

SAM: It’s all right.

TALIESIN: We never understand what’s happening,
either.

MARISHA: Gilda? Wallace?

MATT: The woman looks over. She has this long,
curled, and tangled brownish-red hair. She goes,

“Is this true? We’re free?”

MARISHA: Why don’t we get outside and then we’ll
talk?

SAM: Let’s have a meat pie.

(laughter)

MATT: With that, you guide the now
no-longer-prisoners outside of the Gearhold

Prison, and as the small door opens to lead them
out into the late afternoon air, the sunlight hits

them. And you see them blink and wince, and then
look up and smile, as this is probably the first

sunlight they’ve seen in six months. You can see a
bit of glimmer as tears begin to form at the edge

of their eyes and the two, the couple, look at
each other and smile, and hold each other, and

look back at the group of you and say, “Thank you,
but why?”

MARISHA: Let’s just say your kids made an
impression on us.

MATT: “Are they all right? Where are they?”

SAM: They’re at your house, the butcher place?
Don’t worry, we’ll take you there. They’re being

kept safe by a tiny bird with a dagger.

MATT: They look at you, and look both frightened
by the words you say, and then equally frightened

by the creature they now realize that is saying
it, and go, “Right, right.”

TALIESIN: Best not to think about it.

SAM: Sometimes the people that help you are the
least expected.

MARISHA: I was going to say eclectic, but sure.

MATT: “Thank you.”

LIAM: Thank heavens for little blessings.

MATT: “Thank you very much. Can we go to our
children, please?”

ALL: Yes.

MATT: With that, you guys all make your way back
up the switchback path to the Idleworks Shelf,

just as the sun begins to hit the mountains, the
skies turning to the oranges and reds of the

coming sunset. At this point, the people of the
city begin to rise in energy once more as the

whistles of a day’s work come to a close. The city
beings to liven up once more into an air of

celebration, music blasting around you on all
sides.

MARISHA: It’s like being in Vegas for more than 24
hours. You’re like, “No! Not again! I can’t do

"this for a third night in a row! Ugh!”

TALIESIN: Roll for dubstep.

MATT: As you guys push through the streets now,
the celebration expanding and exploding throughout

the vicinity, your still-lingering hangovers from
the night before, mixed with your physically

damaged selves, make you less jovial in this
space. Eventually you make your way to the back to

the location of the previously boarded-up butcher
shop. It appears to be left alone, closed, locked,

and as you left it.

(whistling) (knocking)

MARISHA: Oh, your way was way more cool.

(whistling) (knocking)

TALIESIN: It’s us. Open it up!

MATT: You hear some shuffling and the door opens.
Austin and Gail look past and open the door. As

soon as Gail can say, “You’re back–” they look,
and you can see their parents, right there, smile

back at them. With that, they rush out, Gail and
Austin, and wrap their arms around their mother

and father. Behind them, skittering, Layla and
Jude look past, and they run up as well and hold

them. Now this family unit of six all brought
together again, as filthy as they may be in their

current garb and lifestyle, hold themselves
amongst the glowing of distant fireworks going

off, an unknowing celebration that the city holds
for this family. Behind, you see Kiri shuffle out,

see what’s happening, then also come forward and
put her arms around the family and looks back at

you with a smile. (like Jester) “Yes, I am a good
girl.”

ASHLEY: Oh my goodness.

MARISHA: This is making me really emotional.

LIAM: This could be our chance to find a good home
for her.

SAM: Yes!

MATT: Kiri steps away from the group, looks at the
rest of you, takes the dagger out, steps forward

and goes, (like Nott) “The Mighty Nein!”

MARISHA: Kiri. (exhales)

LIAM: You like these kids, Kiri?

MATT: (like Jester) “Okay.”

LIAM: Ja?

MATT: (like Caleb) “Ja.”

LIAM: You know, you spend enough time with us–
Beauregard and I here almost died tonight. You’re

just a little girl. You should be playing with
these kids, not playing with us. What about you,

Mom and Dad?

MATT: At this point, they’re barely paying
attention. They look back and say,

“I’m sorry, what?”

TALIESIN: We have a request.

MARISHA: A favor. In return–

LIAM: In exchange– Beauregard.

MARISHA: No, you were nailing it. We did a jinxies
thing, yeah.

MATT: Fjord steps in next to you as well, and
goes, “Look, no children should be without their

"parents, and we’re happy to have brought you back
together. Be more careful. Make sure that if you

"do anything that could put your kids at risk,
don’t.” He looks over and defers back to you, Caleb.

LIAM: We get into trouble quite a bit. I feel
guilty bringing this young girl with us. We’ve

gone to great lengths to get you out and all– I
can’t speak for the group, but all I ask is that

you give this girl some parents.

MARISHA: Fjord’s right. No child should be
separated from their parents. Unfortunately, this

little one was.

MATT: The parents look at each other, and down at
the kids. The little girl, Layla, with her curled

red hair, goes, “Does this mean she can stay?” and
looks over at Kiri. Kiri looks between them and

you, and looks temporarily conflicted and
confused, but you can see a bit of understanding

wash over. Kiri reaches over and takes from her
pocket the dagger, steps forward, and turns it

around, handle forward. Holds it out.

MARISHA: You’ve learned.

MATT: (like Jester) “Yes, I am very sweet.” She
reaches down, and pulls out the music box. Slowly

opens it after winding it.

[music box plays]

TALIESIN: Oh, that’s just mean.

MATT: (like Caleb) “She’s a pretty good egg.”
Looks up at Caleb and rushes forward, and gives a

big, warm hug.

MARISHA: Shit. I turn to Gilda and Wallace and
say: Look, I know another mouth to feed is a lot.

It would mean a lot if you take her, but we’ll
help you out. I reach in and I give them 50 gold

from my stash. Should be enough to help for a
little bit. Hopefully make up the difference.

MATT: She accepts it, wide-eyed. “I don’t know
what to say.”

MARISHA: Well, I stole 75 gold from my friend
without him being here to speak for it, so I feel

like it’s fair.

MATT: She steps back, and they look like they’re
in shock still from these strangers that have come

to their aid so heavily. Kiri pulls back and looks
to you. (like Jester) “Don’t eat humans, okay?”

MARISHA: Go give Jester a hug. I know she wished
she’d be here for it.

MATT: Jester, you see her arms twisted up and the
eyes filled with water and she goes, “Oh! We’re

"going to come back, right?”

SAM: Yes, we’ll come back and check on Kiri. Be a
good girl, Kiri.

MATT: She gives a big hug and goes, “Kiri, you’re
going to be so beautiful as you grow up, and this

"family is going to take care of you and is going
to be your new mother and father and you’ll have

"this whole family here for you. Remember that no
matter what’s happening and what you are doing,

"the Traveler is always looking over you, and we
are always– always thinking of you with love.”

Jester turns around, and you can see the tears
welling up in her eyes.

MARISHA: I give Jester a hug.

MATT: She takes you in there. Fjord steps forward
and ruffles the feathers on the head and says,

“You’re always a member. Maybe one day, you’ll be
able to come back and use that dagger for

something that’s alive.” Kiri turns back and looks
to you. (like Nott) “Yeza was his name.”

SAM: I guess everyone knows at this point, so it’s
okay now.

MATT: She gives you a hug.

SAM: Thank you for listening to us.

MATT: Looks to Molly and gives this distant
stare.

TALIESIN: I’m so glad we understand each other.
Take care of them.

MATT: (like Molly) “Take care of them.” Looks to
you, and comes up and cuddles up against your

chest where she had slept the night before and
(chirping).

ASHLEY: Scratch those feathers.

MATT: The feathers fluff up a bit.

ASHLEY: Goodbye, Kiri. We will send you treasures
from all of our travels.

MATT: (like Jester) “Okay.”

ASHLEY: We will miss you very much.

MATT: Kiri turns back and steps beside the kids.
The family looks out and goes, “If there’s ever

"the opportunity to pay this back or forward, we
will. Thank you.”

MARISHA: You already are. Look at this handsome
lot. You look like you need to be a vinyl decal on

the back of a minivan.

LIAM: A what?

TALIESIN: I’m not even going to go there.

MATT: More fireworks go off and the whole family
looks up again, and there’s a moment where the

family, as one single unit, pulling Kiri into it,
Gilda looks at them all and says, “It’s been a

"long time since I felt the need to celebrate. How
about we all wash up and go out and take you for

"flowers?” The kids brighten up, excited, and Kiri
looks up happily and curiously looks back. They

all shuffle into the house. The last look
as Kiri looks back over her shoulder.

(like Jester) “I am Kiri.” The door closes.

SAM: That felt really good, guys!

ASHLEY: It sure did.

SAM: It’s nice being good people.

MARISHA: That might be the first nice thing I’ve
ever done.

TALIESIN: Explains why your face is doing that, I
suppose.

MARISHA: I don’t know what this emotion thing is.
It’s weird.

TALIESIN: It’s not a good look on you.

MARISHA: It probably isn’t.

TALIESIN: Come on, let’s go find a quiet place to
sleep. I’m exhausted.

MATT: Fjord, as you’re walking along back to your
inn, goes, “Now, I know y'all did this because I

"asked you to, and you weren’t sure if you wanted
to. I want you to know that’s appreciated. You

"went out on a limb for me and these kids. I’ll
remember that. Anyway, come on.” As you guys make

your way back to a more solemn evening, the
celebration is wild. The Blushing Tankard Tavern

is in the same crazy energy and music you possibly
can expect, but you are too exhausted emotionally

and physically. You get a drink, find your way
back to your room, and crash out hard.

TALIESIN: Long rest.

MATT: Long rest to you all. The next morning you
come to consciousness, your first morning not

hungover for a lot of you, here in the city of
Hupperdook. Now the city is yours to make your

final business with.

SAM: We can do more things in this city?

MATT: Well, you haven’t gotten back to Tinkertop
for your half of the deal.

SAM: Yes, that’s right. I guess we should go visit
Cleff.

TALIESIN: Get your tinker toy.

SAM: Who says it’s mine? It could be any of ours.
I mean, mine’s a little busted, though, so it

would be nice.

MATT: As you hold it up, it goes (snapping).

SAM: I can fix that. Probably.

TALIESIN: Going to take it away.

MARISHA: On the way, I look for someone who wasn’t
the guy who hated us before selling more of those

poppers, because I want to stock up before we get
out of this godforsaken town.

LIAM: I tag along with Beauregard.

MATT: All right. You get another set of ten.

MARISHA: Another set of ten. Yeah!

MATT: I think it was two copper.

TALIESIN: I will only stop if there’s something
interesting in a window. Otherwise, I figure we’re

heading back to pick up the crossbow.

LIAM: Hey, Beauregard.

MARISHA: Yeah, Caleb?

LIAM: That felt pretty good last night. Helping
somebody.

MARISHA: Oh, yeah.

LIAM: Do something good.

MARISHA: Yeah, it wasn’t too bad.

LIAM: I get the sense that you have bigger plans
than that, even. Cobalt. Monk. I get a sense.

MARISHA: Honestly, I don’t really have a lot of
plans. My entire life has been plans being made

for me. So it’s nice not having plans. I ran away
from the Cobalt Soul. I have ideas. I don’t know

if ideas would count as plans.

LIAM: Well, that’s just semantics. I have a feel
about you. You and change. I don’t think that you

and I have the same plans, but I think they might
overlap. I would be willing to help you.

MARISHA: I’d be willing to help you, under one
condition. Can we agree to keep each other straight?

LIAM: How do you mean?

MARISHA: If either one of us tries to turn and do
something stupid, or lean a little bit more evil.

LIAM: Evil?

MARISHA: Chaotic, whatever you want to call it.

LIAM: Surely neither of us are evil, Beauregard.

MARISHA: Anarchists? Let’s just make a pact if
either one of us do anything stupid that maybe

we’re each other’s failsafes.

LIAM: Yeah, I like that.

MARISHA: I don’t think I want to hurt any more
people and I don’t think you do either, so maybe

if we keep each other from hurting other people.
That’s not true. I do want to hurt people, just

not people I like. Let’s hurt bad guys.

LIAM: I think I can help you. I think you can help
me. I think we can do some good here.

MARISHA and LIAM: Deal.

SAM and MARISHA: Skype high-five!

MATT and TALIESIN: Skype-five.

TALIESIN: Skype force five.

MARISHA: Can you do the– give me a–

LIAM: I will do my best, Beauregard.

MATT: That’s amazing. Awesome. As that’s
happening, you guys have reached the exterior of

the Tinkertop Inventions shop.

TALIESIN: If there was possible to buy some food,
I want to have some camping food for the rest,

like good stuff.

MATT: High-quality provisions for the rest of the
trip?

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, just really good food.

ASHLEY: Stews.

TALIESIN: Some meat, veggies. Just (grunts).

MATT: If you drop a solid two gold–

TALIESIN: Done!

MATT: You have good road meals that’ll last–

TALIESIN: We’re eating good!

MATT: Oh, for the whole group? For the whole
group, put five gold down and I’d say you guys

have some of the finest fucking food you could
have on the road going north. That is good eating.

TALIESIN: Yep. We’re going to be eating really
good.

MATT: On the outskirts of the Tinkertop Inventions
shack, you make your way on the inside and you

see, in the process of feverishly sketching out
designs, Cleff Tinkertop barely look up from his

page. “Oh! Hello, good to see you all again. Thank
you. Thank you for helping with that. I think,

"based on some of these new designs I’m coming
forward, they might be interested in a new

"version! Perhaps a new design! Perhaps an update,
if you will, based on the notes you gave me, so

"here’s to hoping!”

SAM: Okay. Worth a shot.

MARISHA: Don’t know if a lesson was learned here,
but all right, let’s continue on.

TALIESIN: Maybe the lesson was for us. I’m not
sure.

MATT: “Can I help you with anything?”

SAM: Well, we just came to say goodbye; we’re
probably rolling out of town soon. And, you know,

I mean, if you had an extra crossbow lying
around.

MATT: “Ha ha! Right, sorry, I forgot entirely!
I’ll be right back.” He goes back and rummages and

pulls out the fantastic, previously displayed
Tinkertop Boltblaster 1000 and goes, “Thank you

"for your help. I hope it serves you well. By the
way, if there’s any problems, if you wouldn’t mind

"making notes, and feel free to mail them off to me
so I can perhaps improve on the next iteration.”

SAM: A beta testing sort of a thing?

MATT: “If you don’t mind. That’d be fantastic.”

TALIESIN: I’m so excited.

SAM: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

TALIESIN: Ooh, nice.

SAM: Sure.

TALIESIN: Woo!

SAM: Okay. Yes. Ugh.

TALIESIN: That can happen. That’s okay.

SAM: I love it. It’s great.

TALIESIN: That’s very you. It’s very you.

SAM: Thank you. Thank you, Cleff.

MATT: “Of course, and thank you as well. Wherever
you’re off to, safe travels!”

MARISHA: Cleff, maybe if in the future we come
back and need a repair or something spiffy, you’ll

cut us a deal?

MATT: “I think something can be arranged. I’ll be
here!”

MARISHA: And hey, I don’t know if you know the
Schusters at all, but if you see a family walking

around, little bird child, maybe watch over them
for us.

MATT: “That’s a very curious series of words
you’ve strung together, but I’ll keep an eye out for you.”

MARISHA: I acknowledge that, and thank you.

MATT: “Course.”

TALIESIN: Look at you, becoming a people person.
Or at least a bird person.

MARISHA: Fuck you, Molly.

TALIESIN: Fuck you, too.

MATT: “Well, if you’re leaving, you should say
bye, Rissa!” Behind him, Rissa sits up with her

goggles on. She was in the back currently working
on something. Goes, “Oh, right, you’re off

"already? You’re leaving?”

TALIESIN: We got to get on the road.

MATT: “Oh, well, it’s been fun.”

TALIESIN: We can’t thank you enough. We’ll
definitely come back in contact next time we’re

rolling through town.

MATT: “Do. Thank you for showing me a good time
and for getting this old coot back to some sort of

"interesting means of constructive work.”

SAM: I’m sure he’s going to invent many new,
excellent devices.

TALIESIN: We leave her the drinking tokens.

MATT: She goes, “Well, I mean, drinking by proxy,
I’ll certainly take that!”

TALIESIN: They need use. I think it’s fair.

MATT: “Well. Next time, I’ll owe you a round.”

TALIESIN: Very much taking you up on that.

MATT: “Well, be safe. Take care. And ‘til the next
time.” As you guys exit, you hear her say, “I

"don’t think this design’s going to work, Dad.” He
says, “No, trust me!” And the door closes behind you.

TALIESIN: That’s going to end well.

SAM: I think they’re on the road to recovery.

TALIESIN: Something very positive’s going to come
out of that relationship.

SAM: Yes.

LIAM: Yasha!

ASHLEY: Yeah?

LIAM: What is on your mind? You’re very quiet.
You’re not thinking about leaving us again, are you?

ASHLEY: Why would you think that?

LIAM: Well, you tend to go mum for a while, and
then you’re gone. You’re very useful for us! We

could do great things together, the not-nine of
us. I hope you’re not thinking of leaving.

ASHLEY: Well, I’m not at this moment. I think–
and if I did, I would find my way back to you.

Sometimes things need to be done.

LIAM: Well, no one’s going to bully you into a
decision, but we’re all happy to have you here.

You know, my muscles are big. They can accomplish
a lot, but we do better with you around.

ASHLEY: Thank you, Caleb. I think you can manage
just fine, but I will– I’m here for now.

SAM: She’s not going anywhere! What are you,
crazy, Caleb? She’s fine! Come on!

LIAM: It was just a feeling I had.

SAM: You’re crazy!

LIAM: I understand.

SAM: It’s fine!

ASHLEY: What a strange feeling.

MARISHA: What time is it?

MATT: At this point– well, no, you slept through
the night and you’ve woken up the next morning, so

it’s pushing close to midday.

TALIESIN: Let’s get on our way soon.

MARISHA: Yeah. To Shitty Creek?

TALIESIN: Let’s make our way.

SAM: Is that where we’re going next?

MATT: Fjord musters the cart, the horses,
retrieves them from where they were stored during

your stay here.

SAM: Are we making our way out of town?

MATT: Looks like it, unless you guys have anything
else planned.

SAM: On the way out of town– you said when we
came into town there were some guards with

pistols, with guns?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Do we see any on the way out?

MATT: Make a perception check, as you make your
way through the bottom end of the city.

SAM: 14.

MATT: 14? Glancing through, there are two
crownsguard that walk by, both gnomish. One of

them appears to be carrying a heavy sword on the
back. The other one does have some sort of strange

contraption, like a firearm pistol at its side.

SAM: I’m going to try to steal it.

MATT: Make a sleight of hand check.

MARISHA: Yes!

SAM: With either Mage Hand, or my own hand,
whatever’s–

MATT: Up to you.

SAM: Mage Hand.

MATT: All right.

SAM: What am I doing? Sleight of hand?

MATT: Sleight of hand, so your proficiency
modifier plus your dex.

SAM: Oh. 19, then. So not sleight of hand, this is
a dexterity check.

MATT: Well no, sleight of hand is– I’m sorry, no,
it’s a sleight of hand check.

SAM: Oh, well then it’s 22.

MATT: 22, yeah. My brain. I was thinking of
unlocking. It glides past over you. The guard’s

none the wiser.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: It is loaded with a single shot.

SAM: Great.

MATT: So you have a single-shot pistol with no
ammunition.

SAM: It’s loaded with a bullet, though, right?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Okay, cool. Great. That’s all I care about.

MATT: All right. With that–

MARISHA: If you’re deserted on an island, to kill
yourself with?

MATT: In those final dark moments! This campaign
goes really dark suddenly! With that, you guys

head out past the fences, the artillery
construction ranges, the plumes of smoke and

steam, the dual-shelved levels of the gnomish city
of Hupperdook, with the people, adventures that

you met and left behind, and forge your way on
further up the Crispvale Roadway heading towards

the Glory Run Road, that heads north, towards
Nogvurot and the Shadycreek Run. Heading on for

the next better half of the day, you make a fair
amount of travel, before the sun eventually sets

before you can reach the crossroads. Eventually
having to pull off to the side of the road to make

camp for the first night there. You head off your
general curious range there, you set up a small

camp. Who’s taking first watch?

LIAM: Nott and I.

MATT: Okay. Nott and Caleb, if you wouldn’t mind
rolling a perception check with advantage, or both

of you roll it individually.

SAM: You go.

LIAM: With advantage?

MATT: No, he rolled, and now you.

SAM: I got a nine.

LIAM: You got– okay. Here comes. Oh, big eight.

MATT: All right. You guys take your first watch.
Nothing. Though you’re not paying much attention,

nothing seems to transpire during that first watch
period. You finish it without issue. The second

watch come up. Fjord goes ahead and says, “I’ll
take it.”

ASHLEY: I’ll join you.

MATT: “You’ll join as well, Yasha?”

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: All right. You guys take your second watch.
Fjord and Yasha are currently situated there. Two

of you are up. It’s now pushing past maybe one or
two in the morning. The fire is burned low to

embers at this point, and you’re both staying
close for heat. Fjord’s sitting there looking, and

goes, “I’m kind of proud of all this, you know?”

ASHLEY: I am, too. I’m actually very surprised at
the choices we’ve made. Especially the choices

that I’ve made.

MATT: “Yeah. A lot of these folks have surprised
me.” A little voice goes like, (as Jester) “Some

"people are trying to sleep.”

ASHLEY: Sorry, Jester.

MATT: “But I’m awake now.” Fjord goes like, “Let’s
take a walk.” Fjord stands up, Jester stands up,

and the three of you step away for a minute. Fjord
looks up at the stars and goes, “Dreams’ve been

"weird. For all the visions, the darkness out
there, it’s good to know that, somehow maybe we’re

"all putting a little bit of light in there too.”

ASHLEY: That’s a very nice way to put it.

MATT: “Who knows? Maybe we’ll find ourselves a
path somewhere along the coast in the long run.

"Could show you some of my hometown. Maybe some of
yours, but maybe not quite as well put together.”

Jester interjects at this point and goes, “Well,
if we do go back, I could show you– if it is safe

"depending on what my mom says– the places where I
grew up, the beautiful shorelines. Have you been

"to the Menagerie Coast before?”

ASHLEY: “I’ve never been to the Coast.”

MATT: “Oh, it is so beautiful. It would be
incredible.”

ASHLEY: I’ve seen–

MATT: Her mouth isn’t making noise. You go to
talk. No sound comes out of it either. There’s a

look of confusion amongst the three of you. I need
you to make a wisdom saving throw, Yasha.

What did you roll?

ASHLEY: I rolled 11.

MATT: In that moment of panic, you go to reach for
your weapon, and suddenly your muscles seize up

and your body is unable to move. Your eyes glance
back at Fjord, who seems to be in the same

position. The falchion apparates in his hand, but
he is unable to move. Jester is the only one who

is like– As she turns to run for the group, and
impacts the chest of a dark humanoid figure who’s

standing there who grabs and holds her in place.
Four other dark figures emerge from the shadows

around and grab and immediately put their arms
around you. You try and resist from the spell. In

fact, make another wisdom saving throw.

SAM: Oh god.

ASHLEY: Natural 20.

SAM: Whoa!

MATT: Fjord maintains it, but all this in absolute
silence. There is no sound, just shadows and

starlight. As you’re now being grappled by two
men, the spell breaks from you. However, they’re

still holding you. As you feel a gag pulled over
your mouth from one of them, the other one begins

to throw rope around you. You’re looking over the
side and you can see another gag showed into

Fjord’s mouth. Manacles are being shoved onto his
arms and legs. He’s unable to move. Jester tries

to break free off the opposite– not with a
natural seven. She’s kicking and screaming, but

there is no sound coming out and as she’s pushed
down, another figure comes up and throws shackles

onto her arms behind her and her legs. She’s
yelling and yelling and a gag is pulled over her

mouth. What are you doing?

ASHLEY: Am I–?

MATT: There’s two people that are now coming to
grapple you.

ASHLEY: I take out my weapon and I’m ready to go.

MATT: All right. You pull your weapon. Make an
attack, if you want.

ASHLEY: Yes. Okay. 25.

MATT: 25 hits. Roll damage on that.

TALIESIN: Where was this?

SAM: She’s a bad motherfucker.

ASHLEY: 18?

MATT: 18 damage. Oof! You have a second attack, if
you like.

ASHLEY: Oh, that’s a nine.

MATT: Your first one impacts one guy and there’s a
splash of blood, silent. Once again, no sound

here. The second one swings wide and the other guy
captures it. He grabs your arm and pulls you in.

He’s going to make an athletics check against you.
Make an athletics or acrobatics check to try and

not be grappled.

ASHLEY: 13?

MATT: That’s not going to make it. He grapples and
holds you in place. The other one takes and slams

manacles onto your wrists and pulls it back,
wrenching the blade from your grasp. Your arms are

now locked behind you into these metal manacles.

ASHLEY: Can I try to scream out in some way to the
Stormlord?

MATT: You go ahead and scream. Make a straight
wisdom check.

ASHLEY: Three.

MATT: In that moment, as you try and scream out,
your vocal cords strained by the sheer force of

your voice, no sound comes out. Looking up in the
sky, there isn’t a single cloud in sight. Probably

for the first time in weeks, since you’ve been in
this side of Wildemount, it is a clear night. No

sign of clouds. No sign of storm. In that moment,
as you’re screaming out, the gag gets put into

your mouth and tied behind your head. You glance
over and you can see Jester being dragged. Now the

manacles affixed to the back of her ankles and
she’s being pulled through the grass, Fjord a few

feet behind her. Still unable to really make out
the shapes of these hooded figures that are

pulling them through and you are shoved to the
ground.

ASHLEY: Are my legs still free?

MATT: Your ankles are about to be manacled.

ASHLEY: Can I kick?

MATT: Make another athletics check.

ASHLEY: 25.

MATT: 25, all righty. With that, you manage to
kick free and they can’t quite get ahold on it and

one figure steps forward, shorter than the others,
stout looking, and goes, “Oh for the–” and his

voice dissipates as he gets closer. I need you to
make another wisdom saving throw.

ASHLEY: 17.

MATT: You’re still kicking and breaking free.
They’re going to try to restrain you once more.

Roll one more athletics check.

ASHLEY: Eight.

MATT: No, that’s not going to do it. As much as
you struggle right now, you’re by yourself. Now it

looks like two figures holding you down, and the
third one that is frustrated that you have

resisted a spell a second time. They get the
manacles on the back of your legs. Your arms are

held behind, your ankles are now pulled up towards
where your hands are, and you are face down in the

wet grass in the middle of the night, as you feel
your body now being dragged by the chains.

Dragged, dragged. Your mouth is filled with the
taste of the sweat that’s poured down, that’s

soaked into the gag that’s now forced in your
mouth. Grass and grime and mud are grinding

against your face. All you can see is the dark
shadow there and the bits of star and sky ahead,

until eventually you’re lifted upright, right back
once more. Immediately, you can see a series of

wide carts, large travel caravan carts that are
low set, covered with piles of goods. Looks like

sacks and a couple of crates, fairly
sparse-looking for travel caravan crates, but what

you see travel up and down the roads all the time.
There are three of them with horses to the front

of them. You can see about eight other figures
around these carts. As you’re up held there, with

your mouth gagged and your arms and legs bound,
you look off to the side and you can see Fjord and

Jester also struggling and unable to find their
way about. Jester begins to flex against it and

you can see her strong physique pushing against
it, and she gets smacked upside the cheek by one

of the men that pulls her and holds her in place.
You hear a voice speak up and say, “Hey, look what

"we found, eh?” You see a dark figure step closer
to you. Glancing up, through the minimal light, a

human man, tall and brutish. His head is
completely bald on top, revealing a scarred and

tattooed design across one side that curls down
into his lightly leathered armored chest. His

thick brow hangs over two cold, uncaring eyes. He
nods in approval to these three acquisitions that

you are, revealing a number of golden teeth
between his cracked lips. His muscular body is

mostly obscured by a cloak and hood beyond that
armor. The thug goes, “Lorenzo, your instincts are

"sharp. Looks like we found ourselves a sudden
bounty.” The heavy figure, who hasn’t spoken at

this point, kneels down and grabs the chins of
each of you. Grabs Jester, who is now shaking,

with anger and fear in her eyes, looks both sides
of her face, goes to Fjord and lifts the chin,

comes to you and grabs–

ASHLEY: I spit in his face.

MATT: The gag is right there, so you– (coughing)
“Looks like this one’s got some spirit too.

”(chuckles) Our prospects are good with this find.
Two divine-blood and one half-beast. I’m pleased.

“Toss them in with the others. We’ll head back. Our
cages are at capacity now.” He stands back up and

turns around and heads back to the carts, as
you’re all being thrown to your sides again and

being dragged through the wet grass and dirt, over
rocks. You can feel gashes being pulled across

your face and shoulders as you’re being pulled
through the dirt. You’re righted once more and two

more goons lift you up towards the back of this
mostly empty cart. It seems just small piles and

boxes, and then suddenly your vision shifts, as if
you’re being pulled through a curtain and these

carts are piled high with cages. And the opened
one that the three of you are showed into clangs

behind you, this five feet by five feet box. As
the three of you are jammed into each other

uncomfortably, you look about inside, under what
looks to be a darkened tarp that covers the cages.

Glancing out the side of your eye, you can see in
the one next to you, that there are other dark

humanoid figures quietly whimpering and not
moving. You hear “Heyup!” and the horses begin to

pick up speed, as the creaking of wheels turning
get faster and the feel of the cart beginning to

move. And that’s where we’re going to finish
tonight’s session.

(groaning)

SAM: Was she taken and Fjord and Jester?

TALIESIN: The three of them, yep.

SAM: All in the same cart.

TALIESIN: Yep.

ASHLEY: Fuck.

MARISHA: My heart.

SAM: We heard it with our passive perception.

MARISHA: They were in a Silence spell.

SAM: Oh, I forgot to tell you that I never went to
sleep and I was watching the whole time!

MARISHA: Better be some dope investigating at the
top when we come back.

TALIESIN: Maybe you hit him enough so that you
left a clue.

MATT: It’s possible.

SAM: Well yeah, blood.

MATT: There were some struggle.

MARISHA: Blood! Splatter! Some CSI shit! Up in
here!

SAM: Yeah, we’ll get a black light.

(laughter)

SAM: We’re going to name it Caruso.

MARISHA: Yeah, we’ll have dope one-liners.

ASHLEY: Yup.

MARISHA: The Who. It’s going to be great.

LIAM: Oh man, what a foursome. Holy shit.

MATT: It’s going to be interesting.

ASHLEY: This was too much! Kiri and then this?

LIAM: We did the right thing with Kiri.

ASHLEY: My heart.

TALIESIN: Yes.

MATT: Love you guys.

MARISHA: We didn’t kill Fjord and Jester, though!
By puppeting them. We took some money, but that’s

a good cost for not killing them.

LIAM: We did drain Laura’s coffers, though.

ASHLEY: Just a little.

LIAM: There was that.

TALIESIN: To be fair, it’s not like the money
would do her any good right now.

MARISHA: That 75 gold?

TALIESIN: They’re going to take all of that, so if
anything–

MATT: Well, she didn’t take her haversack with her
when she parted with you guys.

MARISHA: So we have the haversack. And if they get
disarmed–

TALIESIN: Really, it’s our money now.

SAM: Mm-hmm.

MATT: You can take that up with Laura.

TALIESIN: I’m going to have access to this
haversack for a while, I’m just saying. Sorry.

MATT: Oh boy.

TALIESIN: Oh boy. I’m going to get in trouble.

MATT: Love you, Ashley.

ASHLEY: Love you.

TALIESIN: Oh god! No!

MATT: She goes back to New York. You’ll hop in
when you can.

ASHLEY: I’ll hop in when I can.

LIAM: No, she doesn’t! Is that true?

ASHLEY: What?

LIAM: You’re leaving?

ASHLEY: Yep.

MATT: He knows that.

LIAM: Don’t go.

MATT: I know.

LIAM: Stay here! And play D&D for weeks and years
at the old folks’ home.

MATT and ASHLEY: I know.

MARISHA: We’re just selfish.

LIAM: Yeah, we are.

ASHLEY: But Skyping isn’t the same, yeah?

LIAM: No, I feel like I’m in a bunker underneath
the ocean.

MATT: I know.

MARISHA: You sound like it.

LIAM: There’s just a half a second of delay and
that’s all it takes to make feel like I’m 80 feet away.

TALIESIN: No, it’s like playing D&D with General
Zod. I mean I’m happy to do it, but it is a little weird.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: It’s a little much.

LIAM: Can I be Terence Stamp?

MATT: It’s true.

TALIESIN: Bless you.

MATT: Thank you, Liam, for making it.

MARISHA and ASHLEY: Thank you, Liam!

SAM: Thank you, Matt for making this game work
with half of a crew.

LIAM: –Baryshnikov of Dungeons & Dragons.

MARISHA: Congrats to Laura and Travis!

SAM: I’m sure they’re sound asleep right now. Just
getting a good night’s sleep.

(laughter)

MATT: Oh yeah, the dads get to laugh now.

TALIESIN: Never again.

SAM: The first night is rough!

LIAM: Just you wait, Travis Willingham! The
chickens are all coming home to roost!

TALIESIN: This is the most complicated revenge
plan I’ve ever heard.

MARISHA; I know! These fucking assholes are like,
“One of us! When are you going to join our

"misery?!” And I’m like, “No!”

MATT: We’re good!

LIAM: Not misery.

TALIESIN: Sleep is all gone.

MARISHA: No, it’s not misery. It’s beautiful and
amazing and incredible.

MATT: All right, we’re going to go so I can go to
sleep because it’s been a very long day.

TALIESIN; It’s been a very long day!

MARISHA: The day’s not over!

ASHLEY: No!

MARISHA: For me, at least!

MATT: I know. That’s okay.

MARISHA: Let’s move.

MATT: Okay. Well guys, we’re off next week. We’ll
miss you then. We’ll leave you on this fantastic

cliffhanger for the next two weeks and we’ll pick
up from there with a guest or two which we’ll

announce as we finalize the schedule. Yeah! It
means we have two guests and one guest may have

on-camera work that is waiting to hear if they can
make that first session, so we’ll find out.

(singing) The life of the actor! But yes, we’ll
have announcements soon on that. In the meantime,

guys, thank you so much for coming with us. We
love you, and is it Thursday yet? Good night!

[music]

MATT: Hello everybody, and welcome to tonight’s
episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us

nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play
Dungeons & Dragons.

(cheering)

MATT: Now from our own studio!

TALIESIN: It’s so weird!

MATT: I know, not a whole lot has changed at the
moment. A few things, a few little bells and

whistles here. But yeah, we’re at our own place,
which is crazy.

TALIESIN: This is a crazy thing above us.

MATT: I know.

LIAM: We’re surrounded with people in white robes.
I don’t know why.

SAM: Just keep saying Fidelio.

TALIESIN: Fidelio.

MATT: Perfect. So welcome, glad you guys can join
us. Guys, still with the clap thing too much.

Before we jump into tonight’s game, let’s get
through our announcements. First and foremost, our

fantastic sponsor for this evening, and has been
for quite some time, our friends at D&D Beyond!

SAM: D&D Beyond!

MATT: Sam, if you want to take that away.

SAM: Yes, D&D Beyond wanted to announce that their
826LA donation campaign has officially come to an

end, and they’ve raised $11,400 for 826LA based on
114 natural ones rolled through the end of June.

We are terrible, but our bad luck is the kids’
good fortune. The main thing that people have been

wondering and talking about on The Facebooks and
stuff is the new baby. Travis and Laura aren’t

here, you guys might have noticed, and everyone’s
like, “How was the birth? How did it all go down

“two Thursdays ago?” So I have taken a little
license, but I have scripted a bit of a radio play

that we’re all going to participate in to show our
viewers how it all went down two Thursdays ago,

and how the birth came to be. Taliesin will be
narrating, I will be playing the role of Travis,

Marisha will be playing the role of Laura.

MARISHA: Sorry, Laura.

SAM: Liam will be the doctor.

LIAM: A real job, Dad!

SAM: And Matt will be a couple of different roles,
including Matt Mercer.

MATT: Oh, I can probably do that.

SAM: We’re going to see what happens, this is a
first performance of its kind. Take it away, Taliesin.

TALIESIN: Exactly two weeks ago, at the Willingham
house.

SAM: Babe, can you bring me some onion rings and
Miller Ice with lime? The Cowboys game starts in

six weeks and I want to be ready.

MARISHA: Darling, something magical is happening.
Our boy, the magical light that will illuminate

the universe, will join us soon.

SAM: Huh, what?! Right now?! But the Cowboys!

MARISHA: Travis, dear, your stallion is galloping
to earth, humanity must welcome him with loving arms.

SAM: Ugh, I’ll get the stupid hospital bag.

TALIESIN: Later, in the hospital waiting room.

SAM: Hey, Matt, heads up, Laura’s having that
stupid baby.

MATT: Oh yeah, no problem, I’ll just throw out the
next three weeks of story I planned out and

totally rework everything to accommodate this. I
don’t need to sleep. Ever.

SAM: Cool, bro. Hey, can you also tape the Dallas
Cowboys game for me?

TALIESIN: Meanwhile, inside the delivery room.

LIAM: Okay, Mrs. Willingham.

MARISHA: It’s Bailey.

LIAM: Oh right, sorry. Anyway, I have checked your
charts and you should be in a lot of pain right now.

MARISHA: I feel nothing but the sweet nectar of
Mother Nature coursing through me. My love

radiates like luminescent rainbows that will
create a new life this day.

LIAM: Really? Well, you should get ready for a
long labor, this one could take up to 36 hours–

MATT: (infant crying)

MARISHA: It is done.

(laughter)

MARISHA: The mortal world has received its divine
cherub.

LIAM: What?! That’s medically impossible! You
didn’t even push!

MARISHA: Does one need push for the summer to
shine down its radiance upon us? No, we merely

bask in its glory. Lo, my baby is perfection.

MATT: Yes, I am perfection. Mother, I bring news
from the womb. The newly revamped digital

character sheet from D&D Beyond has released!
What’s been added: improved desktop and tablet

views, better at a glance information, additional
ad hoc customization, custom themes, shareable

links, and an updated PDF export. To celebrate,
D&D Beyond is giving away a complete legendary

bundle to a random viewer. To enter to win, go to
Twitter.com/DnDBeyond (‘n’, not ’&’), and reply to

the pinned tweet with a shareable link for one of
your D&D Beyond characters. The giveaway ends this

Sunday at midnight PM.

MARISHA: You are a miracle baby. I love you.

MATT: I love you, Mama Willingham.

MARISHA: It’s Bailey.

TALIESIN: And scene.

SAM: Thank you guys, this was great. That was
theater!

MATT: And strangely accurate.

MARISHA: That was handed to us two minutes ago.

SAM: You were fantastic as Laura Bailey.

LIAM: It was like Travis was here!

SAM: Yeah, my Travis is pretty good. Also from D&D
Beyond, next Wednesday, July 18 at 1:00 PM

Pacific, & BEYOND, a new weekly stream hosted by
Adam Bradford and Todd Kenreck, kicks off with

super-special guest Matthew Mercer.

MATT: Yay!

SAM: Did you know that? Okay, cool. Each week, the
show will cover not only D&D, but also the guest’s

other passions outside of D&D, like D&D.

MATT: Maybe they shouldn’t have started with me.

SAM: Shenanigans will ensue, so don’t miss it. Be
sure to check it out at Twitch.tv/dndbeyond to

watch. That’s our sponsor shoutout.

MATT: Boom! Well done, Sam. Laura and Travis,
direct all that fury at Sam, please.

LIAM: Send your emails.

MATT: Thank you, Sam. A couple of quick notes
here: we are headed to San Diego Comic-Con next

week for our Critical Role panel and, as we
announced today, we’re also going to New York

Comic-Con later this year. For details on either
of those events, go to Critrole.com for all the

information. It’s there for you. The “Nott the
Best Detective Agency” shirt is up in the store

right now. Once again, head to shop.critrole.com
to check it out. Our fantastic, terrible detectives.

SAM: We’ll see. Tonight.

MATT: We’ll see. Yeah. Starting this week, the
Wyrmwood giveaways are back for Critical Role

intermission. The giveaways will be hosted on the
Critical Role Twitch channel, however, and moving

forward, so when we’re coming to the break, if you
want to jump over to the Critical Role Twitch,

it’s Twitch.tv/criticalrole. There, you can enter
the Wyrmwood giveaways. Keep an eye out for that

and we’ll remind you before we jump to the break
as well. You can watch our hosted stream and our

sweepstakes there, at that location. As a
reminder, Talks Machina, our after-discussion show

about whatever transpires here at this table, is
every Tuesday evening. The next episode will be

next Tuesday at 7:00 PM Pacific time, hosted by
our fantastic Brian W. Foster, if he can get away

from Lancaster long enough. He’ll be giving out
prizes for Gif of the Week, for Fanart of the

Week, and all that fun stuff, so check it out on
Tuesday. Other than that, let’s go ahead and jump

in to tonight’s episode of Critical Role.

SAM: (baby-like wailing)

[click, TV static]

[groovy Critical Role theme]

MATT: And welcome back.

SAM: Come in, Harry, come in. Take off your
robes.

MATT: So. Welcome back. Last we left off, The
Mighty Nein were making their way north after

making a deal with the Gentleman in Zadash. They
had completed the first of two tasks for him, the

second one requiring them to make their way to the
northern city of Shadycreek Run, outside of the

Empire, to meet with a business operative of his,
who had been busy with some other elements and

needed some help to reconnect about what their
business together was. Along this journey, you had

made a stop in the gnomish city of Hupperdook,
where you discovered the work-hard-play-hard

gnomish society, got all your money taken from
you, got it returned to you as you found out the

thieves were the young children of a family, the
parents of which had been arrested and had been

imprisoned for a while. You went to the prison,
helped destroy one of their long-haywire

guardians, and paid off the rest of the fine for
those parents, to set them free, returning them to

their children, and decided to leave your
temporary companion for a while, Kiri, with them,

as a safer means of continuing her journey, now
with her new family.

With that, you gathered your things, found
yourself a better crossbow, and began heading back

on the trail along the Crispvale Road and making
your way northward. There, you had set up camp for

the evening about a day’s travel outside of
Hupperdook, and during the night, while Yasha and

Fjord were taking their watch, wakening Jester
with their conversation, and the three of them

deciding to step away from the camp as not to wake
the rest of you, they were… Well, they went missing.

SAM: We don’t know.

MATT: We begin today’s story as morning slowly
creeps over the distant mountains. The cold,

frosted dew on the tops of the nearby grasses
glistening like tiny crystals, the bits of

sunlight begin to just break past the ridge. The
sky, previously clear the night before showing the

stars above, now is matted with cloud cover and
small breaks that show the blue sky above. The

cold weather is definitely shaking you awake as
you all begin to come to, rubbing your eyes.

Glancing about the cold atmosphere, you come to
the hard, dirt ground patch that you had cleared

out for your evening’s rest, your packs and tents
ready to be reassembled… But it’s just the four

of you.

SAM: Jester, I need some pocket bacon for
breakfast. Jester? Jester– oh, she’s probably

taking a dump in the woods.

MARISHA: I think I have some pocket bacon still.

SAM: Oh, can I have some?

MARISHA: Yeah. It’s a little moldy.

SAM: Oh, that’s even better. (eating noises)

MARISHA: Okay.

TALIESIN: Fjord never came back after watch last
night.

LIAM: I stand up and scan the area.

MATT: Make a perception check.

LIAM: What is that? That’s a six plus something.
Nine.

MATT: Looking about, there is a faint mist that is
still burning off that clouds your vision far

enough to the point where you can’t quite see some
elements of the mountain range you had just come

from, but glancing about around you, there’s no
sign of your three companions. There’s no visuals

that guide you to where they might be.

MARISHA: Where’s Yasha? She’s gone too.

SAM: She does that sometimes. I’m sure it’s
nothing.

MARISHA: Yeah, but–

TALIESIN: Fjord?

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Jester?

TALIESIN: The Traveler’s bullshit!

SAM: That’s playing–

TALIESIN: That really would’ve worked.

SAM: That’s playing with fire.

TALIESIN: I’m going to check the tents. I’m going
to check the tents to see if their stuff is still there.

MATT: As you go about to their sleeping
arrangement spaces, everything except for whatever

they had on them as they took their watch is still
there. The haversack is left behind, the rest of

their goods lying on the ground where they were
left.

SAM: Their personal belongings and stuff?

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: Falchion?

MATT: The falchion’s always with him.

MARISHA: Right, but his holster thingy. Right?
Didn’t he have a holster thing, or did I just

imagine that because he’s Texblade?

MATT: He would have a belt with pouches and such,
but no, that was on him at the time.

SAM: His spats and spurs?

MATT: Those are not there, unfortunately.

SAM: Oh, wow.

MATT: Essentially, everything but the equipment
they had on them– in fact, if you look, you can

see Jester’s shield is there, currently
untouched.

MARISHA: It’s not right.

TALIESIN: Yasha’s stuff is still here?

MATT: Yasha doesn’t have much on her. Whatever she
does have, she generally keeps on her, so she

hasn’t left anything behind.

TALIESIN: So there’s nothing behind?

LIAM: Are their weapons here?

MATT: You don’t see any weapons. Yasha keeps her
weapon on her at all times; Fjord, from what you

understand, weirdly never seems to have need. But
Jester’s weapon is left next to the shield as well

as you begin to rummage through.

SAM: I’ll take a swig to calm my morning nerves
and start searching around to see if there’s any

notes or any signs of anything around.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

SAM: Okay. That’s terrible.

TALIESIN: That’s unbelievably bad.

SAM: That’s an eight.

MATT: All right then. As you begin to rummage
around in the nearby grasses, tossing over the

remains of their left behind materials, even
pushing through the fire just in case some of them

may have fallen in, no sign.

TALIESIN: I’m going to check the road for fresh
tracks, see if anything looks like it was disturbed.

MATT: You’d make an investigation check then.

MARISHA: Are there trees nearby?

MATT: Not within the next mile or so.

TALIESIN: Oh, for fuck’s sake. Same roll. Two.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: I am going to sit down and bring Frumpkin
out, and pull out my book and begin to do what’s

needed to cast it again– Find Familiar– but I’m
going to turn Frumpkin into, uh… a peregrine falcon.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Whoa.

MARISHA: That was very specific for an “uh” to
come before it.

MATT: (laughs) So, as you are both losing
yourselves amongst the nearby grasses, and trying

to look for any sign of where they may have been,
you are focusing on your spell. What are you

doing, Beauregard?

MARISHA: Can I see if I see any grass that’s been
laid down, like a direction that there might be

people who have walked through?

MATT: Go ahead and make an investigation check.

MARISHA: That’s a natural one.

SAM: Oh my god, we’re not even going to know
they’re gone.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: They’re literally scarecrows in the
background.

LIAM: They’re probably skinny dipping somewhere!

MATT: This is amazing.

SAM: We got a two, a two, a one. What was your
first roll?

LIAM: I rolled a six, which turned into a nine.

SAM: Okay, so six is our top roll so far.

MATT: Knocking it out of the park, y'all.

TALIESIN: We are children lost at a Ross Dress for
Less. We’re never going to see our parents again.

It’s all over.

MARISHA: First roll in the new studio, it’s a
one!

MATT: We’ll get them out now! In the time that you
guys have begun to shout, you’re continuing to

shout their names out, and forge through the
nearby grasses. Caleb, you complete your spell,

and Frumpkin’s form suddenly, slowly shifts, then,
with a puff of steam and smoke, turns into the

falcon. Lands on your shoulder. (caws)

LIAM: I know, I am sorry. I will change you back
as fast as I can. I need you to look for the three

that you do not see here. The green one, the blue
one, and the goth one. Go!

MATT: You watch as Frumpkin takes off into the sky
and does a few loops. Go ahead and make a

perception check from a bird’s eye view, which
makes it a little easier.

TALIESIN: (cawing)

LIAM: Natural 20.

TALIESIN: Hey! Thank God.

MATT: There you go! When humanity fails, bring in
the hawks.

MARISHA: We know nature is better at everything.

MATT: With a quick, singular pass overhead, you
watch as Frumpkin sends you an immediate bit of

information. You focus through the eyes, and
glancing down, you see a clearing where a large

portion of grass, maybe about 60 or so feet from
where you guys are, has been pushed down. And you

see tracks and drag marks and grooves in the dirt.

LIAM: Oh shit. There was a– This way! I come out
of it so I don’t trip on rocks. There’s a struggle

this way. And I lead the group back to this.

MATT: All right. You guys rush over, and there you
can see on the ground this patch of disturbed

grass that has been pushed down, along with the
dirt that has been jammed and shoved up into small

side piles and trenches that were dug in. There’s
definitely signs of a struggle here. At a quick

glance, looking around, footprints and signs,
there looks to be somewhere between five to eight

sets of footprints you can see from all different
angles. And you can see three grooves being

dragged through the dirt into the grass, towards
the road a little bit northward.

SAM: Can we follow those grooves?

MATT: Yeah. You guys go ahead and follow these the
best you can, eventually making your way to the

outer side of the Crispvale Road, the path that
you were on already, but a little ways north of

where you were. And there you can see the grooves
end, and a number of sets of heavy wagon wheels

begin, or at least have previously pulled off the
trail and then pushed themselves back onto the road.

MARISHA: So it’s impossible to tell if it’s the
same one?

SAM: Can we see which direction those wagon tracks
went in?

MATT: It’s hard to tell which direction wagon
tracks go in, necessarily. Make a survival check.

SAM: Survival. Nine.

MATT: (laughs) Could be going north. Could be
going south. You’re not entirely sure.

SAM: That narrows it down! It’s not east or west,
guys!

MATT: Northeast or southwest.

SAM: God damn it!

MARISHA: Well, that’s more narrow. When it was
going on the road, was it going towards the

direction we were going, or were we following it?

MATT: You’re not entirely certain. The tracks seem
to be traveling either in the northeast direction

that the road goes that you were traveling, or
heading back towards Hupperdook. What you do

notice, though, and what keys you in that this has
something to do with this, is the tracks grind off

the road by about five or ten feet, and that’s
where the grooves of these dragged individuals or

sacks stop. And then it pushes back onto the
road.

LIAM: Here is what I am wondering: why we are
still here. Yasha and Jester and Fjord, they

didn’t know each other before a month ago.

SAM: Who was on watch? It was Fjord and Yasha,
right?

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: So they would have been awake. But what about
Jester? She was asleep, right?

MARISHA: She also has a big old crushie on Fjord.

LIAM: If they were taken, that means they came to
our camp and took her, possibly. And even if they

did not, it’s not like we were hiding.

MARISHA: Why couldn’t we hear anything?

SAM: Maybe they weren’t targeting anyone specific,
just coming to grab folks, and those were the ones

that were awake, or closest to the road, or–

LIAM: You’d take the three beefiest of a group of
strangers?

SAM: Well, they took the three ugliest ones. I
mean, they left us.

TALIESIN: First, thank you. Second, they may have
just taken the ones that were furthest away from

the light. They just picked them off, maybe? You
walk away from camp, that’s what happens. I mean,

it’s not the biggest or strongest. It’s the–

SAM: Wait. I’m going to examine the tracks for
blood.

MATT: Make another investigation check.

SAM: Mmm. That’s an 11.

MATT: It’s better. In looking through near where
these cart tracks begin, there’s no signs of

blood. Going back and following the grooves
through the dirt, you find a few small traces.

SAM: Anything weird about the blood? Is it green
blood, purple blood, blue blood?

MATT: No, just standard dark, dusted-over blood at
this point.

MARISHA: Censored video game blood.

SAM: That means that they weren’t bleeding when
they were dragged, which means that either they

were killed by vampires and all their blood was
sucked out of them first, or they were still alive.

MARISHA: And that blood was far away from our
camp. Maybe they were just triggered by a sound

that they heard, and they went to go investigate
it.

TALIESIN: I’m going to freak out. Is there any
trash or anything on the road? I’m just going to

look for any–

MATT: Make a perception check.

TALIESIN: That’s better. 14.

MATT: 14? As you look off, looking for any sign of
change, there’s the fog at the far peripheral of

where you’re watching. Nothing on the road, except
for a couple of tufts of scrub brush, catch your

eyes, until you see a dark shape on the road to
the south.

TALIESIN: Moving?

MATT: Moving. It looks to be a shadowed outline of
a person.

TALIESIN: I’m going to draw both swords and head
towards it.

SAM: Seeing that, I will draw my new crossbow.
Turn it on. I imagine it’s battery-powered.

(powering-up noise)

(laughter)

MARISHA: Four D batteries. It’s very obnoxious.

MATT: They run out in half an hour. It’s like a
Game Gear.

LIAM: Do you want my not-cat to go look first?

TALIESIN: I may have already moved. I didn’t think
of that.

MATT: I think Molly’s already off.

MARISHA: I’m following Molly. As I follow Molly, I
turn to Nott and Caleb, and I say, just stay back

for a second. Back us up if we need it.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: So you’ve nocked your bolt into your
crossbow for the first time. As it winds back, you

crank it, and it slips into place. You hear this
faint spring tension.

SAM: Ooh!

MATT: As you’re preparing for this, Molly and Beau
start rushing up.

TALIESIN: Yeah. I’m just going to be obvious.

MARISHA: I flank.

MATT: Okay, so you head off into the brush?

MARISHA: Stealth.

MATT: Make a stealth check.

LIAM: I send Frumpkin to do a lazy circle.

MARISHA: Man. This feels like last game. 12.

MATT: 12, okay. Good to know. Molly, as you get
closer, the shape takes more form. As the mist

fades and your proximity grows closer, you see a
squat figure. Wide and muscular, armored, with a

sack over the shoulder. Ashly, if you want to
enter?

SAM: What?! Whoa!

TALIESIN: That was fast.

LIAM: This is Your Life!

MATT: Ashly Burch joins us at the table.

LIAM: Hey, Ashly. Welcome.

MATT: So Ashly, if you’d like to describe what
Molly sees as he approaches?

ASHLY: What Molly sees is a dwarven woman with a
five o'clock shadow, a cigarette hanging out of

her mouth, extremely battered, bloodied, rusted
armor, full armor, and short, greasy hair. And she

has a big ol’ axe in one hand, and a big ol’
hammer in the other. Does she see these folk now?

MATT: Roll a perception check for me.

ASHLY: I don’t have dice.

MATT: Oh! We should get that for you.

SAM: How? This is terrible, here.

LIAM: The Laura Bailey bladder was right here.
Where’d it go?

MARISHA: Yeah, do you want–? Pick a dice bag.

MATT: We got plenty.

TALIESIN: And here, have a thing.

ASHLY: Oh, hey, thanks guys! It’s like I’m part of
the crew. Okay. So I’m rolling perception?

MATT: Yes. So roll a d20, add your perception
modifier.

ASHLY: Okay.

SAM: So much better than us.

ASHLY: It’s 18.

MATT: So you see one figure coming towards you,
difficult to make out gender, of lavender skin,

curled horns filled with jewelry, big long coat of
multi-colors, maroon, but then it goes into a

rainbow pattern almost, with two glowing scimitars
to each side, staring you down. Behind that, you

see two figures a little bit beyond your sight to
make out all the details, but one seems to be a

tall humanoid, the other seems to be much shorter
and smaller, probably halfling, gnome. And then

off in the bushes, not hiding very well, you see
another figure, keeping low to your left.

ASHLY: Ah, son of a dick. All right, let’s get
this over with. And then she holds up her

battleaxe and her warhammer.

SAM: Oh, she’s challenging us.

MARISHA: As I make eye-contact, I’m like, Aw,
shit. Was it the blue? Was I too tall?

ASHLY: I mean, you guys have your weapons drawn.
I’m assuming– Are we going to do this or what?

MARISHA: I would just like a little bit of
feedback so I know how to perfect it later.

ASHLY: Are you asking about your hiding?

MARISHA: Yeah.

ASHLY: It’s shit, man. You gotta choose a new–

MARISHA: Fuck. All right.

ASHLY: I saw you. I thought you weren’t trying
to hide.

MARISHA: You’ve got great eyesight.

ASHLY: Not really.

MARISHA: I’m complimenting you.

TALIESIN: What the fuck is going on?

MARISHA: What’s your name?

LIAM: Through the wire I whisper–

ASHLY: What’s your fucking name? You guys got
weapons out. What’s going on?

MARISHA: What’s your fucking name?!

ASHLY: What’s your fucking name?!

LIAM: I put the wire away.

(laughter)

SAM: What’s going on up there?!

TALIESIN: We don’t know!

SAM: Should I kill something?

TALIESIN: Probably!

ASHLY: I got a place to be, so if we could move
this along. Are we fighting or not?

MARISHA: Molly, ask her. We’re at an impasse.

TALIESIN: I haven’t really thought this through.
Where did you come from? What are you doing in the

bloody bushes by our campsite?

ASHLY: I was walking up the road, man. I didn’t
expect to see a bunch of poorly hidden weirdos

with fucking weapons drawn.

LIAM: (shouts) Just make conversation.

MARISHA: How’s your day?

(laughter)

ASHLY: Weird now!

MARISHA: Sorry. Happens sometimes.

ASHLY: Wait, where are you guys from? Are you from
the Run?

MARISHA: What’s the Run? No, really, what’s the
Run? That sounds fascinating.

ASHLY: So you’re not from the Run.

SAM: (shouts) I think she means Shadycreek Run.

ASHLY: Yeah, that.

MARISHA: Oh, shit. We should have thought about
that. I don’t know your street lingo.

ASHLY: It’s just a shortened version of the name.

MARISHA: Yeah, you’re right again.

TALIESIN: I’m putting down one of the swords.
We’re having a very weird day.

SAM: Just one?

TALIESIN: Just one. There’s still one glowing
sword.

ASHLY: Here, I’ll put away the hammer.

(laughter)

MATT: The de-escalation has begun.

TALIESIN: We more or less got robbed last night
and you’re the first living human being that we’ve

seen– or, not human being.

ASHLY: Dwarf.

MARISHA: And by “robbed,” he means half of our
party got abducted. “Robbed?” That’s such a light

way of putting it.

ASHLY: Whoa! Your party got abducted? When?

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Last night.

ASHLY: Son of a bitch. Yeah, okay.

MARISHA: We were actually headed to the Run. It
does sound pretty cool.

ASHLY: All right.

SAM: I’m going to walk up next to Molly.

MARISHA: (shouts) Yeah, hey, Caleb! Nott!

MATT: This tiny figure, hooded, with wrappings,
and a creepy porcelain doll face that covers–

ASHLY: All right, I pull my hammer back out.

SAM: Should I kill her?

TALIESIN: Not yet. But keep it drawn.

ASHLY: So all you guys are trying to do right now
is to try to get these people back that got got?

Is that right?

LIAM: (shouts) They have great sentimental value!

SAM: You can come up now, Caleb.

LIAM: (shouts) No, I’m good!

TALIESIN: We’re having a very bad morning. I
apologize if we came off a little terse. All

right, fine.

MARISHA: We’re a little on edge, considering
family– I mean, party members– were abducted.

ASHLY: All right, I got a question. Does anyone
have booze?

SAM: (smug giggling)

TALIESIN: Oh no.

SAM: Why?

ASHLY: Because I’m more partial to talking… I’m
out. My flask is done.

SAM: Oh, your flask runs out?

ASHLY: Yes, weird creepy doll girl!

SAM: (smug giggling)

ASHLY: Can anyone explain this shit to me? The
fuck is happening right now?

SAM: Sorry.

LIAM: (calling) It’s complicated!

ASHLY: Can you come out of the bush?! Please?!

SAM: He’s very weak.

(laughter)

LIAM: Frumpkin lands on Nott’s shoulder.

MATT: A giant falcon (caw) lands.

ASHLY: Ah!

SAM: Don’t worry. It’s a cat, usually.

ASHLY: What?!

TALIESIN: I have an idea. We’ve all had a bit of a
morning. Let’s sit down. Have a drink. We can get

you liquor. We can talk about anything you’ve seen
traveling on the road in the last day or two.

ASHLY: What’s your name? I like you.

TALIESIN: I’m Molly.

ASHLY: Pleasure.

TALIESIN: Is your name Pleasure, then?

ASHLY: No.

TALIESIN: Oh, okay. That would’ve been very
inconvenient parenting.

ASHLY: I’m trying this thing where I’m trying to
be more polite, and people say shit like that I guess.

TALIESIN: There’s weird parents that do things.

ASHLY: My name’s Keg.

SAM: Ooh!

ASHLY: As in powder or booze.

TALIESIN: Never mind. They’re very weird parents.

SAM: I like you already. Here, do you have a cup
or something I could pour into?

ASHLY: Yeah, I got a flask.

TALIESIN: Let’s sit.

SAM: All right, I’m going to take out my flask and
pour a good, healthy, half quantity. You have to

drink it fast. It will disappear soon.

ASHLY: What?

TALIESIN: Is that true?

SAM: Yes.

ASHLY: What the fuck is with you people? All
right, Keg knocks it back.

MATT: It’s harsh but functional.

ASHLY: Okay. I know who took your friends.

SAM: What? I am the greatest detective of all
times! I poured one drink, and I solved the case!

(laughter)

ASHLY: I know who took your friends. They’re not
nice people, as you may have gathered. Good thing

you were heading to Shadycreek Run because that’s
where they operate out of.

SAM: How do you know? Who are they?

ASHLY: I know. Okay? I know. I’m looking for them
too.

SAM: Did you lose someone?

ASHLY: (quietly) Yeah.

MARISHA: Wait, I thought you were coming from
Shadycreek Run.

ASHLY: No. I ain’t been there in a while.

MARISHA: Ah. But you’ve been there.

ASHLY: Yeah, I’ve been there. I know it pretty
well. It ain’t a nice place. It’s probably the

least nice place that you could all possibly go
to, so–

MARISHA: It’s named Shady.

ASHLY: Shady. Aptly named.

TALIESIN: Well we’re not necessarily nice people,
so that’ll work out fine.

LIAM: We are well traveled.

ASHLY: Okay. Are you tough? Because you don’t look
it.

SAM: (weak growl)

TALIESIN: We’re not.

ASHLY: Was I supposed to be scared?

SAM: Oh, I should take off the mask. It’s more
scary that way. (growl)

ASHLY: Ah! Okay, yeah, that works.

MARISHA: Molly doesn’t speak for me. I feel like I
can hold my own pretty well.

LIAM: Yeah, she’s all right.

MARISHA: I might actually be the only tough one
here. Shit.

ASHLY: That’s not great to hear. Okay. How much do
these people mean to you?

MARISHA: Well, they’re the only people I’ve had in
my life since my father, so. Parents.

TALIESIN: We don’t leave people behind, and that’s
the deal.

ASHLY: All right. What are your names?

MARISHA: Plus, we had to go up there anyway.

ASHLY: So it’s Molly–

TALIESIN: Molly, pleasure.

ASHLY: What’s the creepy little one?

SAM: (stuttering) Jeff.

TALIESIN: Nott.

ASHLY: Thank you, Molly.

SAM: It’s Nott.

ASHLY: You’re going to be a fucking piece of work.
What’s your name?

MARISHA: Beau.

ASHLY: Beau. And Bush Man?

LIAM: Ah, I like that.

ASHLY: All right, Bush Man. Okay.

LIAM: My name is Caleb, but you could still call
me Bush Man.

ASHLY: Do you prefer Bush Man?

LIAM: Well, let’s think about it.

SAM: Herr Bush. Why don’t you come back to our
camp?

ASHLY: Ain’t I at your camp?

TALIESIN: We are at the camp right now.

SAM: No, aren’t we in the road? Oh, did we come
back?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Walked over as you poured the drink.

SAM: Oh, okay. Cool.

TALIESIN: I’m going to nervously pack while this
is going on.

LIAM: Yeah, I’m scooping up the haversack.

ASHLY: So here’s the deal. Shadycreek Run is full
of a bunch of shitty lowlifes. They’re all

murderers. They’re all pieces of shit. The people
that took your friends are the biggest pieces of

shit in the entire place.

MARISHA: That’s nice.

SAM: Who are they?

ASHLY: They’re called the Iron Shepherds. Slavers.
Murderers. Basic pieces of shit. They’re very good

at what they do. They are the scariest, most
powerful people that I’ve probably ever met, and

I’ve met a lot of people. I grew up in Shadycreek
Run.

LIAM: When you say powerful, are you talking about
ability, or connections, or both?

ASHLY: Both.

LIAM: Shit.

ASHLY: Everybody knows them there.

MARISHA: You said slavers?

ASHLY: Yeah. Sorry to break it you, but your pals
just got taken into slavery.

SAM: Why are they operating this far from “the
Run?” Also what kind of slavers– These are

powerful people that they just kidnapped.

ASHLY: Yeah. That’s what they want.

LIAM: This is why maybe they took the beefy ones.

ASHLY: They’re not trying to find weaklings on the
side of the road. Which is why it seems like most

of you people got spared–

SAM: Okay, okay. You don’t know us.

ASHLY: Hey, you bared your teeth at me five times,
little man!

SAM: I gave you a little bourbon! I’m a lady. I
gave you some booze. The least you could do is

afford us the benefit of the doubt.

ASHLY: Sorry.

TALIESIN: She does have a fair point, though. We
are a little squishy.

ASHLY: I’m not really good at the people thing.

TALIESIN: You’re in good company right now.

SAM: Beau is terrible with relationships and
social interactions!

MARISHA: That’s why we clearly got off to a great
start. Sorry.

LIAM: I’m not very good at it either, and you are
an exile.

MARISHA: I’m also trying to work on the manners
thing.

ASHLY: Cool, all right.

MARISHA: The guy who actually got taken from us
was helping me.

TALIESIN: We lost the charm.

SAM: Do you know any of their names, the
Shepherds?

ASHLY: Yeah, I know all of them.

SAM: Who are they?

ASHLY: Okay. Before that, here’s the deal. I have
some beef, as you may have gathered, with this

crew. I’m not interested in just getting your
friends and getting out. I want to fucking kill

every single last one of them. If you want any
more information from me, I’m going to need a

little bit of buy-in.

TALIESIN: I just toss 20 gold and I’m like, throw
me a cigarette please.

SAM: 20 gold is expensive. Wait, so if you could
rescue your friends, or friend, or whatever–

ASHLY: There ain’t nobody left to rescue, man.

SAM: Are you sure?

ASHLY: Yeah, pretty fucking sure.

SAM: So it’s revenge, then.

ASHLY: Yeah.

MARISHA: If Shadycreek Run is full of a bunch of
criminals, and you said you lived there for a

while, what were you doing there?

ASHLY: It’s not important.

MARISHA: Well that’s pretty clear.

ASHLY: No one there did anything nice. Okay? So
fucking imagine something shitty, and I probably

did it, okay? I’m not proud of it! I’m trying to
turn a new leaf, as it were.

SAM: I just imagined some crazy shit.

(laughter)

MARISHA: It’s like a horror film. The more you
leave it up to your imagination, the worse it is.

TALIESIN: I’m not one to interrogate someone’s
past. Information’s information. We could use some help.

ASHLY: If you want my aid, I know that place like
the back of my hand. I need some kind of assurance

that when we find these motherfuckers you’re not
just going to grab your friends and run. Because

I’m going to need some backup if I’m going to take
them out.

MARISHA: How about equal assurance that you don’t
fuck us over?

TALIESIN: You could also hire us.

ASHLY: Hire you?

TALIESIN: 20 gold.

ASHLY: You just gave me 20 gold.

TALIESIN: Yes, that’s how I know you can afford
us.

(laughter)

ASHLY: 20 gold, all told?

TALIESIN: And we split whatever we find.

MARISHA: And you don’t fuck us, and we don’t fuck
you. Unless, like… you know…

TALIESIN: You pay at the end of the deal.

ASHLY: All right, deal.

MARISHA: It’s been a while.

SAM: You’re confident that you can lead us to
these Shepherds.

ASHLY: I’ve been tracking them for a while.

LIAM: You know, we are, some of us, a
self-deprecating lot. We have some skill between

the four of us, but it would help a lot to know
what kind of people– not just assholes; we are

assholes– what kind of assholes we are talking
about.

ASHLY: Sorcerers. Barbarians. There’s a little
shit that’s a rogue.

SAM: How many of them are there?

ASHLY: There’s five.

SAM: Hey, we’re five!

ASHLY: Yeah, kind of. We’re probably a good three
and a half, if we’re being honest.

SAM: Don’t put yourself down like that. I’m sure
you can hold your own.

ASHLY: I’m talking about you mostly, sweet cheeks.
There’s five.

LIAM: Are they part of a larger organization, or
are they off themselves? It’s just them?

ASHLY: They work for someone, a family in Shady
Creek Run. They’re powerful.

MARISHA: They’re mobsters!

Weird question: have I heard about this
group, considering my background?

MATT: Make a history check.

MARISHA: History. My history changed here
recently. That’s my second natural one in a row.

I’m going to get rid of this one. Where’s Laura
with her dice jail when you need it? That’s an 18

that I just rolled now.

MATT: You have not heard of the Iron Shepherds
before. You have some base knowledge of some

families that might do business in the outside,
but the information you’ve been given so far, the

Iron Shepherds don’t ring a bell.

MARISHA: Okay.

SAM: You know, when we were in Zadash, we heard
the town crier talking about kidnappings in

Nogvurot. That’s close to Shadycreek Run. Could
that be the same people, do you think?

ASHLY: I mean, possibly. There’s a lot of folks
doing the same kind of work. These folk happen to

be the best at it.

MARISHA: Do you know all of the members of this
Iron Brigade– what’s it called?

ASHLY: Close enough.

MARISHA: Iron Shepherds.

SAM: Iron Chef.

MARISHA: Iron Shep.

ASHLY: That’s my favorite travelling cuisine
entertainment.

LIAM: I prefer Iron Fem Shepard.

MARISHA: For sure.

(laughter)

ASHLY: This is my favorite D&D game on the
Citadel.

MATT: There it was. I was waiting for it. If
someone else wasn’t going to get there, I was

going to do it. So thank you for taking it.

MARISHA: One of them wouldn’t happen to be named
Ophelia Mardun, were they? No? Okay. That’s the

woman we have to find for The Gentleman. That’s
part of the reason we’re going.

TALIESIN: I try not to learn their names. I don’t
want to get attached.

ASHLY: No.

MATT: There is an aspect of that name that does
ring a bell: the last name.

ASHLY: Oh shit, say that again?

MARISHA: Mardun.

SAM: Here, let me pour you some more booze.

ASHLY: Thank you.

SAM: Does that help?

ASHLY: Yes, I suddenly remember that name. I know
the family. They’ve got connections there. In

fact, the folks that the Iron Shepherds work for
happen to hate that family.

SAM: This is all connected!

MARISHA: Rival mob gangs!

SAM: It’s like a conspiracy, and we’re in the
middle of it!

ASHLY: You being a detective, you hear other
people say information and then you remark upon

it, and then that’s you saying you’re a great
detective?

TALIESIN: Yes.

SAM: In large part. The subject was confused as to
what a detective is. I’m not writing. I don’t have

a quill. It’s something that me and one of our
lost friends talked about a lot. Sorry.

ASHLY: Sorry. Again, I’m not great with people.

LIAM: Do we have an arrangement here? A deal?

SAM: We’ll kill these folks, or try to anyway.

ASHLY: I don’t like that last part.

SAM: What if one gets away? We’re going to hunt
them down over our lifetime? I don’t know, what if

they go far away? Are we indebted to you forever
now, or can we put a 30 day cap on this?

LIAM: These three are of great value to us and
they are our friends, and we are better off with

them, and it is worth the trouble. We cannot
accomplish what we’ve come out here to do in the

first place without them. What?

SAM: Nothing. You sure sound like our new leader.

MARISHA: Wait, what about me?

TALIESIN: Don’t panic about it, it’s going to be
fine.

SAM: Oh yeah, no.

MARISHA: Aw, cool. Real cool, Nott.

SAM: I mean, he’s got the intelligence.

LIAM: You be the leader. But do we have a deal?

ASHLY: Yeah, we have a deal.

TALIESIN: I’m all in for this.

ASHLY: All right. Well, let’s get going, then.

SAM: Are you just walking? Do you have any means
of transportation?

ASHLY: Do I look like I have– no!

TALIESIN: We have spare horses now.

SAM: We do.

MATT: At which point, you look over past the camp
where they are, and there’s a cart and there are a

number of horses that are currently hitched to it
at the moment. For a brief moment, you’re like,

Oh, the thought of not having to travel on foot
sounds fantastic.

ASHLY: Let’s do that. Let’s please, god, do that.

TALIESIN: We’re half packed already.

MATT: As you guys pack up your goods, get the rest
of your material packed up, couple things to keep

in mind. Looking at the map, if you want to pull
it out and get an idea of the direction you’re traveling.

SAM: Oh, we have a map of some sort? Should we lay
it out on the table and see if–

MATT: As long you guys can see it is more the job
here. You can travel with your horses–

SAM: Weights?

MARISHA: Sam take one side.

MATT: With your horse and cart–

MARISHA: Sponsored by Wyrmwood.

MATT: Look at that! Timing.

TALIESIN: That’s how it’s done.

SAM: Thank you.

TALIESIN: There you go.

MATT: You guys are currently right… here. So you
just left Hupperdook, you’re on the Crispvale

Roadway making your way to the Crispvale Thicket
which is the large forest at the crossroads. You

can travel about 24 miles per an eight hour day at
a normal pace with the horses and cart, you can go

30 miles at a fast pace, and you can force a march
to go for another hour, or two, or three afterward

but you start making constitution saving throws or
take exhaustion points at that point. But you can

get quite a good distance depending on how fast
you’re going. The cart keeps you at a slower pace.

If you were to leave the cart behind as an option,
you could go faster.

SAM: But we’d have to ditch some gear, or do we
have enough horses to carry everything including shields?

TALIESIN: We would have to ditch some.

LIAM: Yeah, I think we ditch the cart. They’ve got
hours on us, we need to make time.

MARISHA: I agree.

TALIESIN: How much can we carry?

SAM: Can we carry all of our friends’ stuff on a
horse? We have six horses, I think.

MATT: You have six horses between five of you, as
long as one of you takes the horse head you can

have a pack horse, essentially. It’s going to be
hard to direct it, unless someone keeps it hitched

on the side. Having an additional horse right now,
how are you going to get that to come with you at

a fast pace… without a rider?

LIAM: And we can’t carry their stuff without.

MATT: You can probably carry a few things. You
still have horses to help carry things, most of

your gear you can still put on yourself. Are there
any large things? You’re not carrying a manticore

head anymore.

LIAM: We leave the shield. It’s not a magical
shield, it’s not special.

SAM: It’s not?

MARISHA: Jester’s?

LIAM: It’s run of the mill.

MARISHA: Well, hang on.

SAM: It’s not special to her in any way?

MARISHA: I open the haversack.

LIAM: Life is more special.

MARISHA: And start trying to shove as much as I
can in the haversack.

LIAM: Ow, what are you doing?

MARISHA: I’m trying to– Just wait, don’t move.

MATT: The main pack, I’d say you can– I’m going
to say the shield’s not going to fully fit in it

unfortunately. It’s a fairly wide shield and won’t
quite fit.

MARISHA: What about a tent? Can I shove a tent in
here?

MATT: A tent you can probably mangle and push in
there and you manage to get the tent in. But the

shield someone will have to wear on their back or
strap to a horse.

MARISHA: Yeah, let’s strap it to a horse.

TALIESIN: Are we going to try and pack horse this?
Is that how we’re–?

MARISHA: No I think we can…

LIAM: Go faster without a spare horse.

MARISHA: I think the shield and–

SAM: The big things we’re leaving?

MARISHA: We put a tent in there and if we want to
attach another tent to the back.

LIAM: DM, you said we could put the shield on the
side of a horse?

MATT: You can put the shield– strap it to a
horse, it’s fine because it’s just an additional

thing you’re strapping on to it. It’s up to you.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: It’s just the additional horse is going to
be a problem if you’re going to travel at a fast pace.

LIAM: Well then, we shouldn’t do that, we should
go as fast as we can right now.

SAM: All right.

MARISHA: So we’re leaving behind a horse and a
cart.

TALIESIN: Or we take the horse and cart at
reasonable speed.

SAM: No, we should leave them.

MARISHA: Is there a town coming up? Or some place
where we can quickly sell the horse and cart?

TALIESIN: Or stow it.

MATT: No, there is the Crispvale Thicket ahead
which has the crossroads, but there’s no town

there– Hupperdook behind you, or, honestly,
Nogvurot or Shadycreek Run.

MARISHA: We lead the horse to water, we force it
to drink, we give it some food, hope it lives.

LIAM: We set it free.

MARISHA: Maybe come back and find it.

LIAM: Or it’s free or somebody gets a new horse.

MARISHA: We hang a sign on it. “Free horse.”

SAM: Why don’t we kill it and take some meat? All
right, let’s just leave it.

ASHLY: I mean, not to put a damper on it, but if
you leave a horse around here, it’s probably going

to get killed. There’s a lot of shady folks around
here.

SAM: I mean, the horses are all named after–

MARISHA: Poop.

SAM: Poop. So we can probably–

MATT: So which one do you leave behind then?

SAM: I believe we’re going to take WC, Loo, John,
Crapper, and Toilet, but we’re going to leave Loaf.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: So we’re going to drop a Loaf.

SAM: We’re going to drop a quick Loaf, then go.
It’s always better to drop a Loaf before you go.

TALIESIN: Let’s leave a marker.

ASHLY: I’m starting to rethink my agreement to
work with you guys.

MATT: Welcome to the Mighty Nein.

TALIESIN: If he’s going to die, we have to leave a
marker so we can come back and find where he’s

been interred.

SAM: Sure.

TALIESIN: Poop joke.

SAM: Skidmark.

MATT: As you say goodbyes to Loaf…

LIAM: Pinch him off.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: We squeezed about as much as we can out
of that one.

MATT: You strap your materials to the horses you
are taking with you.

TALIESIN: It’s been a while.

MATT: So you’re going at a fast pace. That’s 30
miles.

SAM and MARISHA: Yep.

MATT: You travel in day. Which will get you well
within the Crispvale Thicket. As you guys are

riding, who’s guiding this trip? Who’s keeping an
eye on the road ahead of you as you go?

SAM: Is one of us steering the journey, and can
another one of us be looking for clues or things

along the way?

MATT: You can do that. Sure.

TALIESIN: I was going to say–

MARISHA: Keg should lead.

TALIESIN: Keg’s been on this road before.

ASHLY: Yeah, can someone do me a favor? Does
anyone have a piece of cloth or something they’re

not using?

TALIESIN: I have a giant dragon tapestry.

ASHLY: Could I borrow that maybe?

SAM: Are you cold?

MATT: This is the one thing you see strapped,
laying over the back of his horse. This giant,

rolled up, thick, blue and silver tapestry.

ASHLY: Okay, I wrap my head around it– with it, I
should say. So you can’t really see my face.

TALIESIN: You now have a cape, it’s huge.

ASHLY: Okay.

MATT: As you take the full tapestry or just a
piece of it.

TALIESIN: I think the full tapestry.

MATT: All right, so yeah– it’s you are just–

SAM: Swimming in it.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Why are you hiding your face?

ASHLY: I didn’t leave with a lot of friends last
time I was here. So I’m trying to keep a low profile.

TALIESIN: You’re well disguised as a stoner’s
bedroom at the moment. A dragon on a sheet.

ASHLY: Perfect, I’ll fit right in.

MATT: There you go.

ASHLY: I guess I can lead, since I know where I’m
going.

MATT: Okay. You’ve traveled this path before, so
it’s well known. Who’s keeping watch?

MARISHA: I’ll keep watch.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make a perception check
for me, Beau.

MARISHA: Hopefully there are no more ones hiding
in there.

SAM: Do you want to look at the thing, the orb?

MARISHA: 18.

SAM: Okay, you’re good.

TALIESIN: Yeah, the orb, we haven’t–

SAM: We have to look at the orb at some point too
or hexagon. Dexa–

MATT and TALIESIN: Dodecahedron.

SAM: Thank you.

MATT: All right, as you’re heading down into the
center part of the northern side of the Marrow

Valley. Keeping a look ahead, you can see just as
you crest over this one little embankment, the

Crispvale Thicket ahead of you. This beautiful
cluster of dark-green trees. The clouds have

completely taken the sky back and it’s this low,
gloomy gray as the air gets chilly, as the day

progresses onward getting closer and closer to
dusk. You manage to get to the outskirts of the

thicket itself. You see the trees growing thicker
and the actual canopy of dark green pine trees

starting to gather. You now have the opportunity,
if you want to, you can travel into the crossroads

and head north, or you can skirt around the forest
off the path. Those are your– because you

haven’t– you’re basically having to go to the
center and then back north, but you’re on the road

the whole time. Or if you wanted to skip past it,
you’ll travel a little slower– basically a

similar pace.

SAM: But we won’t encounter as many foes.

MATT: Well you don’t know.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: It just depends on your–

SAM: Are we trying to avoid people or–

TALIESIN: I’m more than happy to kill something at
this point. I’ve got some anger and aggression to

work out.

MARISHA: What’s the faster route?

MATT: Make a survival check.

MARISHA: 12.

MATT: Looking about, you gather the faster route
would probably be to skirt around the outside of

the forest. Because you don’t have to switch back
even though the terrain isn’t quite as well tread.

However, you’ve left the cart behind which means
the one factor that would’ve really come into

that, is no longer an issue.

MARISHA: We’re on horses, let’s just cut through.

ASHLY: Do we get a sense of where they’re headed?
Do we see any sign of–

MATT: At this point, in the main road, there are a
number of tracks. Whether it be horse, foot, and

cart and wheels of all different sizes. You’re not
able to really tell what’s the freshest from a

glance. If you want to get off your horse and
inspect you can try.

ASHLY: I’ll try. Would that be–

MATT: That would be survival.

ASHLY: How good is my survival? Eh, it’s okay. A
natty one.

TALIESIN: Welcome to the team.

ASHLY: I don’t even know what horses are anymore.

MARISHA: This is a donkey.

MATT: You glance down– From atop your horse you
look down and see these smattering of patterns,

and as you get down closer it just becomes dirt,
and you have no idea how to discern what came when.

ASHLY: I’m drunk. That was pointless, let’s keep
going.

TALIESIN: (vomit sound)

MATT: So, which path do you guys wish to choose?

SAM: Caleb, you’re in charge. Which way are we
going?

TALIESIN: Oh, for gods’ sakes.

SAM: Well he’s so–

LIAM: Which way are we going?

MARISHA: I say we go through the woods, but you’re
the leader.

LIAM: I said you were the leader.

SAM: Caleb.

LIAM: I’m not a leader.

TALIESIN: Oh, for gods’ sakes, I’m going to start
going through the woods.

MATT: So you’re going through the thicket or
around the outside of it?

MARISHA: Sorry, around. The shortcut.

MATT: Okay. So you’re skirting the outside of the
thicket.

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: Okay. As you start cresting around the side
of the forest, within the first mile or so, you

see an abandoned homestead. Maybe 200 feet or so
away from the forest on the northern side. It may

have been at one time a small farmhouse, but part
of the roof is caved in. There once was a window

that had pane glass that has since been shattered,
and you can see jagged edges along the bottom side

of its sill.

TALIESIN: What time is it?

MATT: Right now? I’d say it’s probably close to
four or five in the afternoon. You have a couple

hours before dusk really starts hitting.

TALIESIN: Do we want to head a couple hours or
have this unbelievably safe place. What looks like

a very safe place, although– never mind. We’re
going to– terrible things are just going to

happen. I’m accepting it, this is going to be a
cursed trip. Do we want to stay in the haunted house?

MARISHA: Do you want to send in Frumpkin, bird
Frumpkin, see what he finds?

LIAM: Does it look like Frumpkin could make it
through that window?

MATT: Frumpkin could, yeah. And it’s a one story
farmhouse. It’s a modest home. Single story, maybe

from first glance, three to four rooms, and the
partially collapsed roof on one side shows you

that’s it’s been in disuse for some time. Who
knows how weathered it may be on the interior.

LIAM: And what hour is it?

MATT: About four or five in the afternoon.

LIAM: In the afternoon. I don’t see anything in
there. I mean, you want to raid an old house or

keep going?

MARISHA: Sleep in it, is what we’re thinking.

LIAM: You want to cut for the day?

SAM: We want to keep going, don’t we? As fast as
we can.

TALIESIN: Well here’s the question: do we just go
until we have to stop and then we camp wherever

we’re going to camp, or do we find something like
this, which is possibly a little safer and then

just wake up very early and run and go further?

ASHLY: If you ask me, keep going. No place in this
area is going to be safer than any other.

MARISHA: All right, let’s keep going.

LIAM: She’s the local.

TALIESIN: Trust the local.

MATT: So you guys continue.

MARISHA: As we go by it– we’re headed that way,
right?

SAM: Was there anyone in that house?

MATT: You didn’t get close enough to inspect.

SAM: Oh.

MARISHA: Should we check it out and see if there’s
anything good?

TALIESIN: Throw a falcon through the window.

LIAM: Well that’s what I was asking. You described
a window that was jagged glass, ja?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: But if my smallish falcon went in there, is
he going to get cut up?

MATT: You can certainly try.

TALIESIN: Chimney.

LIAM: Going to get cut.

MATT: Yeah, Frumpkin’s wingspan in this form is
pretty wide, wider than the window. So Frumpkin

would have to land on the window and then probably
gingerly step in.

TALIESIN: Or you could go through the chimney or
the collapsed roof.

ASHLY: Or I can just go in.

TALIESIN: We have–

ASHLY: Keg just goes to the door and kicks it
open.

MATT: You guys watch as the horse rides off to the
edge. Keg leaps off the horse.

TALIESIN: I like her.

MATT: Stomps up and just kicks the door open. The
door is already partially ajar so it (creaks) and

it falls off the top end and leans against the
back inside of the farmhouse. There’s a brief

moment where you feel a couple things settle, a
slight creak and the fall of dust, and as you step

inside you can see the furniture is in disarray.
There is a layer of dust everywhere. There is a

smell of old rot and mildew. And glancing inside,
you can see there’s another window on the opposite

side that’s also been busted out. This place is
pretty thrashed.

ASHLY: There’s nothing in here!

LIAM: Are there any books?

TALIESIN: I’m going to hop in there as well.

SAM: I’ll go take a look.

LIAM: Books!

SAM: I’ll look for you.

TALIESIN: We always know to look.

ASHLY: I’m not going to look for boo– Oh god.

MATT: Are you looking for–

ASHLY: Keg sits down on one of the pieces of
furniture.

TALIESIN: I also want to see if there’s– does it
look like people have been in here recently?

MATT: Well you make an investigation check on
that. And you make an investigation check to look

for things. And if you want–

ASHLY: Can I look for booze?

SAM: 18.

MATT: Yeah, go for it.

TALIESIN: Nothing of value.

ASHLY: Three.

MATT: Oh. Sadly no booze.

ASHLY: Damn it.

MATT: What did you roll?

TALIESIN: A two.

MATT: Hard to tell in this space.

TALIESIN: That’s not fair.

MATT: A lot of the furniture looks damaged, some
of it looks burned weirdly. As you, looking around

on the inside, you’re rummaging around for any
possible books or anything that can be useful. You

don’t find any books, you do manage to find a
bundle of unused torches, five. You have a handaxe

that’s a little old and rusted, but it’s still
functional. It’s well made. That was left under

one of the shelves that had fallen over. And you
find a mostly filled oil lantern. While the glass

of the actual lantern is broken, it still is
pretty filled with oil. So if you wanted to– if

you had a container, you could fill it and have a
flask of oil.

SAM: I have an extra flask.

MATT: Then you can go ahead and fill it with oil.

SAM: I will fill that with oil.

MATT: Now you have a flask of oil at your
disposal.

SAM: Nice.

TALIESIN: Is there a crest on the fireplace or
anything like that? Any markings of who might have

lived here at one point?

MATT: No crests. You glance and you do see a
small, iron symbol that looks like a star or sun.

You recognize it to be the symbol of Pelor. It
probably was a mantle of worship here, but it’s,

looking on it, the metal looks scarred, strangely.
It’s almost like elements of– as you pick it up

and glance at it, the pockmark scarring on it is
strange. And the mantle around it, you can see, a

lot of the wood and stonework seems to have been
smoothed over in its damage.

TALIESIN: Can I remove the piece?

MATT: Yeah. It snaps off.

TALIESIN: I’m going to take it. Well this
obviously brought luck to whoever was here.

(quietly) I have a symbol of Pelor.

SAM: I’ll just go around and ask: does anyone need
any torches? I found a bunch.

MARISHA: I’ll take a couple torches.

TALIESIN: I’ll take a torch.

SAM: You can each have one.

ASHLY: Sure, I’ll take a torch.

MATT: You get a torch, and you get a torch.

SAM: And how about a handaxe, anyone?

LIAM: Nein.

MARISHA: Nah, I’m good.

TALIESIN: Caleb, you want to do a little scan
while we’re here? See if anything tingles your fancy?

LIAM: (sighs) We’re killing time but yes I do. I
take the ten minutes to take the book out of the

holster, and set it on the ground and while
everyone just sits there in the dust, I cast

Detect Magic.

MATT: Okay. So how long does it take for that?

LIAM: Ten minutes.

MATT: Ten minutes, okay.

LIAM: Wait. Wait.

TALIESIN: Wait.

MATT: Wait.

MATT: As a ritual I believe it’s ten minutes,
correct?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: All right, so Caleb– you’re having this
moment where you’re waiting as he’s just poring

over this tome and drawing a circle on the ground
and inscribing strange symbols in the air. It

doesn’t make any sense. You’re like, “Ah, magic
stuff.”

ASHLY: Right.

SAM: Want another drink?

ASHLY & TALIESIN: Yes.

SAM: (pouring noise)

ASHLY: Thank you.

TALIESIN: Bless you.

MATT: Everybody else roll a perception check, if
you don’t mind.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: Ah.

SAM: 13.

TALIESIN: 14.

ASHLY: 17.

MATT: 17, what did you get?

TALIESIN: 14.

ASHLY: (counting) 19 actually.

MARISHA: 16.

MATT: Beau and Keg, you guys hear some noises out
back. The horses are getting a little restless and

nervous. They’re like (anxious chuffing) and you
see two of them are starting to clomp back a bit

away from the house. Starting to pull at the reins
that have been hitched off to the side of the home.

ASHLY: Hey, you might want to finish your fairy
shit. There’s something going on outside.

MATT: At that point, trying to take in what is
sending these horses into a weird tizzy, and you

feel this faint vibration in the ground, this very
subtle quaking.

MARISHA: I’m still outside on my horse. So I’m
going to ride around to the back of the house, and

see if I see anything.

ASHLY: I’m going to run outside, and see if I see
anything.

MATT: Okay, still utilizing the same perception
checks you have, looking in both directions,

nothing. There is– you’re maybe a little over a
hundred feet or so from the tree line. Which is

what you were staying close to, to not be out in
the middle of the open field. But you don’t see

anything coming or going.

TALIESIN: I’ll pull a single sword and guard
Caleb.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: I’m going to jump off my horse and get on
the ground and feel the ground. Do I feel any vibrations?

MATT: You do. There’s this faint (soft rumbling),
and it seems to be moving in shifts or in pulses

of intensity, getting more intense and some of
them longer and some of them shorter.

MARISHA: I– were you going to keep going?

MATT: No, that’s what you’re sensing.

MARISHA: I say: Get off the ground!

TALIESIN: All right.

MARISHA: And I run, and I’m going to try and
parkour up onto the roof of this thing.

TALIESIN: I’m going to try and push Caleb awake
and go for a tree.

LIAM: Oh yeah, I hear everything.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LIAM: Okay, what–

TALIESIN: Let’s go! let’s go! And we’re going to
head for a tree.

MATT: Okay, you guys are headed for the trees?

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah.

LIAM: Dispel the spell.

MATT: Spell’s lost, Molly and Caleb start running
out of the home to the tree line. And you’re just

going up on the roof?

MARISHA: Is there a roof to be got upon?

MATT: You’re still on horseback, you can jump off
your horse.

MARISHA: No, I jumped off my horse to feel the
ground.

MATT: Right, right. So you’re leaving your horse
there and if– you can try and look up on the

roof. Part of it’s collapsed. You don’t know the
state it’s in, but you can try.

MARISHA: I’ll get on my horse and head for the
tree line with everyone else.

MATT: Okay (galloping). You start heading back to
the tree line. What are you guys doing?

ASHLY: So we can’t tell if this is a creature or
a– we just can feel the ground rumbling.

MATT: You can’t, you haven’t sensed anything.
Everyone has just started getting nervous and

rushing for the tree line. You can hear the faint
rumbling, and it is getting louder.

MARISHA: I’m going to take– as I get closer to
the tree line– how far away am I?

MATT: You’re about 20 or so feet from the tree
line.

MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to take my horse and I’m
going to whip it around the opposite way, going

away from us, and I’m going to give it a good kick
and jump off of it. And head towards the tree line

with everybody else. I’m going to head it away
from us.

MATT: Okay. Your horse begins to head in a
southward direction.

ASHLY: I’m staying where I am, and I’m taking out
my battleaxe and my warhammer. I’m going, “Come

“out, you piece of shit!”

MATT: So you’re staying by the house?

ASHLY: Yeah.

SAM: I’m staying in the house, and I’m going to
cover myself up with some detritus of different

chairs and things, near the window. I’m hiding.

MATT: Make a stealth check.

LIAM: What are we running from?

SAM: 13.

MATT: Caleb and Molly, you guys are riding towards
the treeline.

TALIESIN: We’re getting some distance from
whatever.

MATT: First thing you notice is a splash of dirt
to the south. You see a small detonation out of

the earth in the direction of where your horse had
been traveling off. You see something emerge from

the ground and your horse ride up and hoof down
and begin to run back in your direction away from

it. It seemed to cut it off at the south. As it is
running towards you–

MARISHA: Come on, WC, come on!

MATT: You see something spray or splash in its
direction as it turns, and it whinnies in horrible

pain before it collapses onto the ground,
spinning.

MARISHA: Water Closet!

SAM: Aw.

MATT: It lies there on the ground, making this
horrible (squealing) sound. As you’re watching,

from what you can see in the distance, its flesh
burning.

ASHLY: Is it dying?

MATT: It looks in a really bad place. At this
point in time, Molly and Caleb, you hear the

vibration as the ground bursts to the right and
left of you. Let me get the map, since that’s

where we’re going now.

SAM: Oh! Should we move this map?

MATT: Yeah, we’re going to move this map out of
the way.

SAM: Oh boy.

TALIESIN: Oh man.

ASHLY: Ah!

SAM: Oh gosh!

ASHLY: Ah jeez!

SAM: Ashly, welcome to the show.

ASHLY: Hey, thanks for having me, guys.

SAM: It’s been a while.

ASHLY: I know. It’s been a minute. Since your
one-shot, right?

SAM: Yes, but that doesn’t count. Weren’t you on
the show-show at some point?

ASHLY: Mm-mm. This is my first time on the
show-show.

MARISHA: Yeah, she did that goblins thing with
us.

ASHLY: I’ve done three one-shots, but no
show-show.

SAM: (gasps) That’s terrible.

ASHLY: (laughs) I’m here now.

SAM: I mean, we’re rectifying it right now.

ASHLY: Goblins, The Screw Job, and then the Ass
Sailor? What was it called?

SAM: The romantic cruise thing.

ASHLY: Yeah.

SAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: The Ass Sailor?

SAM: Yeah, The Ass Sailor was the name of the–
Oh! You were in the bar! The bar was, yes, The Ass Sailor.

LIAM: I keep looking over at you and thinking I’m
on the Jerry Lewis telethon.

SAM: I thought we were all going to dress up
tonight.

MATT: There is Caleb. There’s Molly, just on the
outskirts of the forest, this way. Bursting to

each side of you, you see these large insectoid
creatures that burst out of the dirt and ground.

Beau, you are right over on this side, as you left
your horse on a southern direction there. Both

Nott and Keg are about 100 feet that direction.

MATT: Your horses are currently–

ASHLY: Oh, so they went after them?

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLY: Oh.

MATT: While you guys are over by the house, you
watch as this is going on, and there doesn’t

appear to be any action immediately near you, so
you’re quite a distance away.

ASHLY: Can I rush forward now?

MATT: You can. If your horse is still right by
the– No, your horses rushed off towards the–

TALIESIN: Her horse is still there.

ASHLY: I think my horse is still there.

MATT: Your horse is still there, that’s right. You
still have your horse there. You can jump on your

horse and head that direction, if you want to.

ASHLY: Okay, I’m going to do that.

MATT: All right, so you rush onto that. I need
everybody to roll initiative, please, because we

are now in combat.

ASHLY: God! I think I spent all of my 20 juice on
all these one-shots.

SAM: You got that.

ASHLY: I know, but it’s still a one!

MATT: 25 to 20?

MARISHA: 20.

MATT: Beau’s up first. 20 to 15?

TALIESIN: 16.

MATT: Molly’s up next. 15 to ten?

SAM: Ten.

TALIESIN: It’s the anti-snitch.

SAM: Nega-snitch.

MATT: Caleb, what did you get?

LIAM: Drei.

MATT: All right. And? Ooh.

ASHLY: Yeah. It makes sense. I’m riding in late.

MARISHA: You’re also three?

ASHLY: I’m three, yes.

MATT: Not so great for Keg. That’s all right. Top
of the round, Beau.

MARISHA: Okay. So I have this one in front of me.
Oh, man. Oh my god.

MATT: There’s a third one down that way that’s
maybe about 30 feet away from you that is heading

your direction. It’s up to you if you want to
pursue that or come help out your friends.

MARISHA: No, I’m going to go for this one here. I
should have enough speed to clear it, 40 feet.

MATT: Yeah, you should. Yeah, you can easily get
there.

MARISHA: Pop, pop. Okay, so first attack. 15?

MATT: 15 hits.

MARISHA: Okay. I’m going to spend a ki point to
stun this thing, and hopefully it doesn’t save again.

MATT: That is a six, a five plus one. It does not
save.

MARISHA: It’s stunned! Finally!

MATT: As you rush up to the side, you look for
what– and what you see now, at a close look, is

this massive almost eight to nine feet tall to its
head, insect-like, large cockroach-type creature.

Its chitinous armored body is segmented in places.
There’s large antennae and these massive pincers

come out of its mouth, with its strange insectoid
eyes, this gooey saliva that’s dripping out of the

center of its mouth. As it spins around towards
you, you see a moment where, between its plates

and its body, seems to be a soft, muscle-like
underbelly. You jam your fist in there and attack,

and it seems to lock up its body for a moment.
Roll damage.

MARISHA: Oh, right. Oh god, I rolled a one in
damage. So that’s plus four, five damage. I’m so nervous.

MATT: All right, so that’s your first strike?

MARISHA: Yeah. Then second strike. That’s a
natural 14, so I’m pretty sure that hits, plus

seven, so 21. Ooh, that’s an eight; it’s the total
other end of the spectrum. I keep getting there.

Sorry, my brain is all over the place. 12 damage.

MATT: Nice. The first strike ends up as just
enough to cut past its defenses to stun it. As

it’s reeling from the impact, your other blow,
crack! with your staff to the side, hits it, and

part of its armor cracks inward, exposing more of
its tender underbelly.

MARISHA: Okay, and then I am going to spend
another ki point and do extract aspects.

MATT: Okay, you want to learn three things from
it. What do you want to learn?

MARISHA: Three things, okay. What is its dexterity
modifier, or its dexterity saving throw?

MATT: Dexterity saving throw is zero. Plus zero.

MARISHA: Okay. Sorry. Dex zero. What is its
constitution saving throw?

MATT: Plus one.

MARISHA: Does it have any vulnerabilities?

MATT: No vulnerabilities.

MARISHA: Okay. I still have a bonus attack,
right?

MATT: Still have a bonus attack.

LIAM: Oh, wow. The suspense.

MARISHA: 13.

MATT: 13. Technically, your attacks have advantage
while it’s stunned, so you get to roll again.

MARISHA: Oh, that’s right! That’s even worse.

MATT: Does not hit. Even while stunned, you swing
back with your fist, and your knuckles glide off

of part of the armor that is still hardened, and
it hurts your knuckles and you pull back a second,

but it’s not immediately able to do anything back
at you. That’s your turn, I believe?

MARISHA: Yeah. I yell to everybody and be like:
These guys don’t seem very quick and shifty!

SAM: Okay.

MARISHA: Not too dex-y or anything. They seem
clumsy as fuck.

MATT: All right, that ends your turn?

MARISHA: It has shitty dexterity.

MATT: Molly, you’re up next.

TALIESIN: I’m going to try something fancy. I’m
going to tap my new fancy sword, and I’m going to,

like a Pepper’s ghost effect, fade out and
disappear, and move right into what would be– get

some advantage on the one that Beau’s been
hitting.

MATT: (counting) 30, so you’re just out of range
of it, but you can use your movement to move up to it.

TALIESIN: I’ll use my movement to get right where
I need to be.

MATT: There you go.

TALIESIN: So I have advantage now?

MATT: You do. You watch as Molly fades out of
existence and then appears, Nightcrawler

teleport-style right behind Caleb.

SAM: They killed Molly!

TALIESIN: I’ll take two attacks.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: All right. First one, a natural one and
an 18, yeah, so one hits.

MATT: Yep.

TALIESIN: Ooh! That’s ten damage plus three.

MATT: So 13 damage?

TALIESIN: Yeah, 13, ten plus three. Next attack.
That’s a 19.

MATT: 19 hits.

TALIESIN: That’s nine plus two, so that’s 11.

MATT: 11 points of damage. All right, that’ll do
it. With that, you teleport next to it and carve

it asunder. It screams as you slice through it all
three times, and you bisect it in the center of

where its thorax begins. Falls to the ground and
crumples into pieces, its greenish blood spilling

into the dirt and floor of the forest underbrush.

MARISHA: Clink! Take her staff and clink weapons.

TALIESIN: Yeah, we have a little clink, and turn
and face the other one.

MATT: All right, ends Molly’s turn. Nott, you’re
up.

TALIESIN: Actually, do I have any movement left?

MATT: You do. You have 25 feet of movement.

TALIESIN: I’m going to pull back, and I’m going to
get ten feet in front of Caleb, right between

Caleb and the insect. No, the other side of that.
Right there, to make a wall there.

MATT: Perfect. There you go. Finishing your go.
Nott, you are way off that way.

SAM: Yeah, I’m looking through the window of the
house, the homestead, and I’m 100 feet away?

MATT: You’re about 100 feet away, yeah.

SAM: There’s nothing I can do. I’ll start walking
towards the fight.

MATT: That’s 30 feet. You could dash as a bonus
action, if you wanted to.

SAM: Yeah, that’ll take me 60 feet.

MATT: It does seem to lose your stealth,
unfortunately.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: You could be low in the brush, but you’re
not moving quiet, carefully.

SAM: I’m going fast.

MATT: We’ll say at that point, that’ll get you
about to the edge of the board there.

TALIESIN: Hey, you might be able to– oh, you
burned your move, though.

SAM: Where is Keg? Did I just run past Keg on my
way?

ASHLY: I’m on a horse.

MATT: Keg is going to be catching up to you at
this point.

SAM: Can I hold my action until Keg gets in range?
You’re on a horse?

ASHLY: Yeah, I jumped on a horse. Before we rolled
initiative, real fast-like.

SAM: I’ll hold my action until someone gets within
melee range of the thing, and then I will fire a crossbow.

MATT: Okay. Got you. That ends Nott’s turn. It’s
now their turn. As one of them that previously

killed Beau’s horse–

MARISHA: Rest in peace, Water Closet.

MATT: To that side there. Another one bursts from
the ground–

SAM: Aw, come on! This is not fair.

MATT: –On this side, and skitters over this
direction. This one’s going to move up to there.

If your horse is there, it can’t quite move to
that space, which is frustrating it. That’s fine.

It’ll pull back a bit, then, and stay there.
Actually, no, because you killed the fourth one,

so it’s not present. As they all turn around and,
watching its one friend get cut down, they begin

to line up, all three of them pull back and its
pincers open as it releases this splashing stream

of deep green-like liquid that sprays out in front
of it, for 30 feet, five foot wide.

TALIESIN: This is not anything I can try and give
them disadvantage on?

MATT: Nope, this is a saving throw scenario. I
need Molly and Caleb to make dexterity– actually,

for this one, it’s just Molly and the horse,
because it doesn’t quite get to Caleb on that one.

TALIESIN: Dexterity saving throw?

MATT: Yep.

TALIESIN: Yay! That’s a 22!

MATT: Okay, so you take half damage. There you go.
You take seven points of acid damage.

TALIESIN: I can live with that.

MATT: As it streaks across your body. Your horse
does not make the saving throw. Your horse gets

sprayed on the side and makes a horrible, pained
neighing sound as it falls to the ground, its body

now acidically burning away.

TALIESIN: Loo! No!

MATT: It’s not surviving this.

TALIESIN: That’s the end of Loo.

SAM: Now we’re down to John, Crapper, and Toilet.

MATT: This one right here is going to spray you as
well, Molly. Another dexterity saving throw, please.

ASHLY: I really hope Toilet makes it.

TALIESIN: 11.

MATT: 11 does not succeed. You suffer 14 points of
acid damage as another stream blasts into your

back and shoulder, burning through your flesh, and
the side of your face begins to pull away and

smoke. Back here, this one is going to shoot in a
stream that hits Beau, Caleb, and the horse. I

need you to–

LIAM: Can I use my natural 20 now?

MARISHA: Dex saves?

MATT: Dex save, yes.

LIAM: That time it’s a three.

MARISHA: That’s a natural one.

MATT: Your horse made it, though.

MARISHA: Hey, Crapper!

MATT: That is 14 points of acid damage to both of
you. The horse takes seven. It’s hurt, still

surviving. That’s going to end their go. It’s now
the horses’ turn.

SAM: The horses’ turn?

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLY: I got worse initiative than the horse?

MATT: This one’s running. Yep. And it’s going to
run off the battlefield there.

SAM: Run, Crapper, run!

MATT: He’s dead.

SAM: Run like the wind!

MATT: All righty. That’s going to end their go.
Caleb and Keg, you guys are up.

LIAM: Oh, guests first.

ASHLY: Oh, thank you. So how far can I go on this
horse?

MATT: On horseback?

ASHLY: Yes.

MATT: That’s a fairly good distance speed of 60
feet.

SAM: Wow.

MATT: That’ll get you up to… we’ll say up to
there. Pretty much right to the edge of where that

is there.

ASHLY: So I can’t get up on any of these boys?

MATT: I’ll say because a horse doesn’t get any
attack on– and it would normally get an action,

I’ll let the horse dash.

ASHLY: Ey!

SAM: That’s nice.

MATT: So that’ll get you right up next to this
one.

ASHLY: Okay. So can I leap off the horse and come
down with the axe?

MARISHA: Yes!

MATT: Yeah. Just for the hell of it, make an
acrobatics check for me.

ASHLY: Okay! Why not?

MATT: What could possibly go wrong?

ASHLY: Natural 20.

(cheering)

SAM: That’s like Cirque du Soleil shit.

MATT: So as the horse is galloping, you watch–

ASHLY: She goes like this.

MATT: You watch as Keg gets up on top, holding the
reins. (hoofbeats) Pulls the warhammer out and

then at the right moment just leaps off while
pulling the battleaxe out, doing a flip in the

air, landing and coming down with both weapons. Go
ahead and make your attacks on the opposite side

of it.

ASHLY: 17?

MATT: 17 hits.

ASHLY: And then the other attack is an 18
naturally.

MATT: Yeah, that hits. So go ahead and roll both
those damage.

ASHLY: So that’s six… and then help me do math,
12.

MATT: Six and 12?

ASHLY: Yeah.

MATT: Nice. Still have your bonus action.

ASHLY: So I get to attack again, right?

MATT: Yeah, because you’re dual wielding. So you
attack, attack, and then attack.

ASHLY: Eight plus seven. Does that hit?

MATT: 15. Still hits.

ASHLY: Hey!

MATT: Yep. Armor class of…

ASHLY: Nine.

MATT: Nine points of damage. Oof! So as you come
down, both weapons (whack) clanging onto it, you

hear the armor crack from underneath and you watch
as its light green blood begin to seep through the

wounds you left. As it turns around, this weird
clicking, sucking sound out of its face, you laugh–

ASHLY: Shut up!

MATT: –and slam it in the side of the face with
your warhammer. (screech) It pulls back and it’s

now bleeding out of its jaw as it looks pretty
hurt.

ASHLY: Nice.

SAM: I will release my bolt. At disadvantage
because more than 30 feet away.

MATT: It is, yes.

SAM: (inhale through teeth) Ooh, that’s only a
12.

MATT: 12 misses, unfortunately. (ping) The bolt
streaks off– actually, it hits the side of Keg’s

armor–

ASHLY: Hey!

MATT: Shearing off.

SAM: Sorry, sorry! That’s– that’s on me.

ASHLY: Who are you aiming for?

SAM: I did not–

ASHLY: It’s nine feet tall!

SAM: I’m sorry! I’m just drunk. I’m drunk, I’m day
drunk.

TALIESIN: This is your perfect opportunity for
“New crossbow, who dis?”

(laughter)

SAM: Oh yeah, I got a new crossbow.

MATT: All right. Caleb, you’re up.

LIAM: Yeah. I go rummaging through my pack really
quick and I pull out a licorice root and stick it

into my mouth and bite onto and I start muttering
to myself and I say, “Pick up the pace,” and I

cast Haste on Beauregard.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: Aw, I hate licorice. (groaning) Why is
that taste in my mouth? That’s weird.

LIAM: And then I will move as far as I can towards
Nott.

MATT: All right. So you are Hasted there. You’re
going to move as far as you can to Nott.

LIAM: Towards Nott, ja.

MATT: There you go.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: That finishes your turn. Top of the round,
Beau you’re up and hasted.

MARISHA: (panting) I’m going to turn to this guy
and I’m going to lay into him.

MATT: You step around the trunk of the tree.

MARISHA: So that means, do I get three attacks?
Base attacks?

MATT: You get three base attacks, correct.

TALIESIN: Woo.

MATT: (singing) Haste. (hits)

MARISHA: (hits) First one!

LIAM: Advantage on dex saves too.

MARISHA: And advantage on dex saves. 15.

MATT: That hits.

TALIESIN: It will come in handy with these–

LIAM: Yes.

MARISHA: That is… nine damage. Nine! Second one.
Ooh. Yeah, yeah. that’s 16.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: And that is… 11 damage.

MATT: Nice. Third strike.

MARISHA: That’s a natural 14.

MATT: Yep, that’ll hit.

TALIESIN: Yeah!

MARISHA: Okay. Seven damage.

MATT: Seven points of damage on that, fantastic.
And you still have your bonus.

MARISHA: Yep and I’m going to spend a ki point
again to do flurry of blows and get two more attacks.

MATT: Two more attacks.

(cheering)

MATT: Hasted monks. (blows) Just full on Wang
Chung over here.

MARISHA: Mm. One’s a natural 19, the other’s a
two.

MATT: So you do get one more hit. So roll damage
for that.

LIAM: Get it.

MARISHA: Aw, yeah! 11 damage.

MATT: 11 damage.

MARISHA: No, ten damage. Sorry.

MATT: That’s okay.

LIAM: Right in the ball sack.

MARISHA: Is he dead?

MATT: That’ll do it.

MARISHA: Is he dead?

(cheering)

MATT: You just spin around, the adrenaline pumping
through your veins from Caleb’s spell instilling

you with unnatural speed. You rush forward and
just (hits) and just do the fastest full on combo.

You watch as she basically pummels this giant nine
foot insect creature into submission.

MARISHA: (hits)

MATT: It falls to the ground as you’re just
pummelling its face until it eventually collapses

and sputters out the remaining breath before it
stops moving.

LIAM: Street Fighter combo.

TALIESIN: Epic combo.

MATT: Fantastic. You still have…

MARISHA: Oh, movement!

MATT: 75 feet of movement.

SAM: Oh wow.

ASHLY: Holy cow.

SAM: Because you’re fast.

MATT: Because you’re hasted.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

TALIESIN: It’s a fresh one.

MARISHA: I am going to make my way behind this
guy… if I can.

MATT: Oh, yeah.

SAM: (car zoom)

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: Wow.

MATT: You go around the tree and then tap it on
the shoulder.

TALIESIN: Circle the tree a couple times, holding
onto it.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Just to be a dick.

MARISHA: (singing) Singing in the rain.

MATT: All right. That finishes your turn, Beau?

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: All right. Molly, you’re up next.

TALIESIN: I’m going to run and get into flanking
position with this one over here.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: Thumpety, thumpety.

MATT: So move over and push into this space–

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: Because it’s an ally, I’ll let you move into
the horse’s space there.

TALIESIN: And now we’re going to take a slice at
this one. And that’s… that’ll do it. (counting)

25 to hit.

MATT: That’ll hit.

TALIESIN: So. (counting) Ten plus four, 14.

MATT: 14 points of damage, nice.

TALIESIN: And again. 19 and a one.

MATT: That’ll hit.

TALIESIN: Why I love advantage.

MATT: Advantage is nice.

TALIESIN: And that’s… 14 points of damage.

SAM: Wow.

ASHLY and MATT: Ooh.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: It’s got to be dead by now, right?

MATT: No, it’s still alive.

(groans)

TALIESIN: How is that– the one that… really?

MATT: That one hadn’t taken any damage.

TALIESIN: It had!

MATT: Oh wait, no! Oh sorry. I was writing that
down under the wrong one.

TALIESIN: (explosions, screeching)

MATT: My apologies. Yes, it is dead.

ASHLY: (laughter)

MATT: I was writing it under the wrong one. So as
you dart off behind, the first two strikes you

unleash carve it into two pieces. You watch as the
creature, as it’s turning around to hiss and rear

back, its pincers about to carve into your face,
you watch as the head just rolls off of its body

and there behind you see Molly standing there with
the blades out.

ASHLY: Whoa.

TALIESIN: I needed this. And I’m going to hide
behind the tree trunk from the other one.

MATT: Okay, you’re going to– right there?

TALIESIN: Last of my movement. Yeah.

MATT: Okay. That finishes your go, Molly. Nott,
you’re up.

SAM: I’ll move within range, crossbow bolt range.
You know what?

MATT: The inner range is what?

SAM: 30.

MATT: It’s just out of your 30 range.

SAM: No, you know what? I’ll stay put and I will
cast… I will cast Silent Image in a flanking

position to Beau. And I will create a second Beau
just standing there in front of the creature and

try to help Beau.

MATT: So mysteriously…

MARISHA: It’s a different color palette? Color
palette swaps.

TALIESIN: It’s Street Fighter-style.

SAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Beau and Ken.

(laughter)

MATT: Perfect. All right, so. As the image of Beau
appears before, just standing there quietly

shifting, holding its space.

SAM: And I’ll bonus action hide, just behind that
little–

MATT: You can use your movement to go behind and
then hide if you want to.

SAM: Sure, great.

MATT: All right, so go ahead and roll a stealth
check.

SAM: Natural 20.

(cheering)

TALIESIN: Oh! This is cool.

MATT: You teleport through campaigns. You’re
somehow in campaign one.

SAM: Great. Ooh.

MATT: All right. That finishes Nott’s turn.

SAM: It’s not as emotionally deep as this one.

TALIESIN: Give it time, give it time.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Nice patronus, by the way.

LIAM: Time travel too far.

SAM: Yep.

MATT: So it’s now that guy’s turn. Currently
surrounded by Beaus–

TALIESIN: Too many Beaus.

MATT: Too many Beaus. It’s going to go ahead and
see if it can gather which one is the real threat.

Rolls a natural 19. So even with its low
intelligence, it can discern the nature of which–

TALIESIN: That palette swap’s terrible.

(laughter)

MATT: Really? Puce? It’s going to go ahead and
make a bite attack towards you, Beau.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: That is going to be a 12 to hit?

MARISHA: Miss.

MATT: Yeah. It just reaches out with its pincers.
You manage to go ahead and duck out of the side

and slam your bo into it, causing it to just
completely miss you. It rears back. It does not

regain its acid spray and that’s its turn.

SAM: Wow. That’s great.

MATT: Both horses just go running off the board
into the fray. Or away from the fray.

TALIESIN: We have oats, they’ll come back.

SAM: Maybe.

MATT: All right, that brings us to Keg.

ASHLY: Can I get there with the 25 feet speed?

MATT: You can.

ASHLY: Delightful. I’m going to smack him.

SAM: Nope.

ASHLY: I won’t smack him. I’ll try again to smack
him.

SAM: Ooh.

ASHLY: I will smack him. And then I’m going to do
nine damage to that boy.

MATT: Nine damage to that one.

ASHLY: As a bonus action, I’ll smack him again. I
will smack him, and then I’ll smack him one more

time, and that’s going to be seven damage.

MATT: Seven points of damage. The first one swings
wide, no impact. The second one slams as a

backhand into its armor, causing it to crack.
Using that opening, you pull back with your

battleaxe and jam it into the wound, carving in
deeper. It’s looking pretty hurt, but it’s still

standing. Anything else you wanted to do in your
turn?

ASHLY: No, I’m going to hang.

MATT: You’re going to hang back?

SAM: You’re going to keg stand there?

ASHLY: I’m going to keg stand there. I’m proud of
you, Sam.

MATT: That’s what happens when you get Emmy award
winners at the table. You get that.

ASHLY: That’s the height that we can accomplish
though.

MATT: Yeah, that’s about it. You’ve peaked at this
point, we’re done after this. It’s all downhill.

SAM: There’s horses around, there might be a pony
keg at some point, I don’t know. We’re going to

work on it.

MATT: We’ll work on it. That ends your go, Keg.
Caleb, you’re up.

LIAM: I feel the wind and then shoot three Magic
Missiles out of my hand at the thing.

MATT: As you finish your attacks, you glance over
your shoulder as you hear this sound. You look in

the distance; you see Caleb– who at this point
has been this dirty hobo in the background– all

of a sudden, fire these three mystical arcane
missiles that glow and arc off anime-missile

style, through the woods, avoiding trees, and all
three slamming into the sides of this creature. Go

ahead and roll damage.

LIAM: That’s a four and also (counting) six– I’ve
got to change this dice, that is a ten total.

MATT: Ten total. (multiple impacts) It sits there
for a second after the impact, leaving these large

craters in the side of its chitinous armor where
it’s cracked and bits of liquid are spilling out

of it. It looks heavily wounded, but it’s still
alive.

LIAM: Was ist los?

MATT: You’re going to stay where you’re put?

LIAM: I will go crouch by Nott.

MATT: Revealing her position.

SAM: Hey! Get away from me! No!

LIAM: I didn’t make any noise. I just sit down.

MATT: That’s all good. That finishes Caleb’s go.
Beau, you’re up.

MARISHA: First attack. 14.

MATT: That just hits.

MARISHA: Wait, no, 13. Sorry, my math is wonky
today. That doesn’t hit, does it?

MATT: 13 does not hit.

SAM: There’s no advantage because my Silent Image
is there?

MATT: Unfortunately, no. Nothing is actually
flanking it.

MARISHA: Second attack. That hits, that’s 18.

MATT: 18 hits.

MARISHA: That is– what did I roll on that one? I
forgot. I don’t know what it was. Sorry, 15 damage

for the first one.

MATT: 15 points of damage on the first hit?

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: Beau, how do you want to do this? As you and
Keg are both there clamoring on two sides of it,

the image of yourself on the opposite end, what do
you want to do?

MARISHA: As I see Keg bash it in a little bit of
its insect armor, I take my staff and I get up

under its exoskeleton and I start prying it off
and I punch it to death.

MATT: As you crowbar off a large part of its
exterior insectoid armor skeleton, it exposes this

horrible yellowish, sinewy muscle interior as all
the striations are pulling off of the armor. As

it’s exposed, it tries to go in to protect itself,
but you’re too quick, and you zero in and plunge

your fist into its body as it falls to the ground
with a horrible sucking, guttural, slimy death and

pull it out.

TALIESIN: If you squeeze and twist, you can make
it stand up again and you can make the arms move.

MATT: Technically–

LIAM: (singing) Hello my baby!

ASHLY: You guys nasty, I like it.

MARISHA: Does anybody have a Wet-Nap?

TALIESIN: Use the ground.

SAM: I’m going to take off running after the
horses to see if I can catch up with them.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Please check on Water Closet!

TALIESIN: This is a dead horse or can it be
revived?

MATT: You can go ahead and make a medicine check.

TALIESIN: I’m going to make a medicine check for
my horse.

LIAM: Does it have Jester’s shield on it?

SAM: Didn’t we leave the shield?

MATT: No, the shield was strapped onto one of the
horses.

TALIESIN: My medicine check is nine.

MATT: You’re not sure but it looks dire.

ASHLY: Can I check?

MATT: Sure, if you want to go ahead and step up to
the horse. Make a medicine check.

ASHLY: 13?

MATT: Unless this horse gets some serious
treatment, it’s done.

LIAM: It’s suffering, put it down.

ASHLY: I take my axe and I slam it down on its
neck.

MATT: Instantly mercy killed.

TALIESIN: Neigh.

MATT: Nott, you do manage to catch up to the other
horses. They didn’t go full sprint into infinity.

They slowed down and once they got a safe distance
from the action– you manage to recover two of

them. There’s still your horse by the house; you
still have three horses.

MARISHA: Check Water Closet.

SAM: John, Crapper, and Toilet. Water Closet’s
dead.

MARISHA: Oh, he’s very dead.

MATT: You can go check.

TALIESIN: Water Closet is possibly new pocket
jerky at this point.

SAM: We can go check Water Closet I guess?

MATT: Go ahead and make a medicine check as you
approach.

SAM: That would be a three.

MATT: Water Closet looks not long for this world.

SAM: I’m going to try to cut out the tongue. Maybe
that’s something I can eat later.

MATT: Okay. Water Closet is still technically
holding onto life.

SAM: Ugh. I don’t know that.

MATT: No. Water Closet’s final horrible moment is
its riders cutting its tongue out.

SAM: (sobbing)

ASHLY: Why do you hang out with this guy– lady.

MARISHA: He came up with this one; they were a
package deal.

ASHLY: Why do you hang out with it?

LIAM: She is extremely useful.

ASHLY: At cutting out horse tongues?

SAM: (eating noises)

LIAM: Among other things, yeah.

ASHLY: That’s the most fucked-up shit I’ve ever
seen, and I grew up in Shadycreek Run.

MARISHA: We have three horses, and there’s five of
us.

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: Can we double up?

MATT: It’s possible.

MARISHA: Nott doubles up with Caleb.

SAM: Maybe the two smalls should–

ASHLY: I’m not going on a horse with her.

SAM: What? I’ve bonded with its essence now.

ASHLY: I’m not going on a horse with her!

TALIESIN: Keg can ride with me, this is not a
problem. If you want.

ASHLY: Yeah, that’s fine.

SAM: I’ve got the booze.

ASHLY: You know, for the first time in my life,
I’m willing to sacrifice booze–

LIAM: Scared straight.

ASHLY: Scared straight. You can take that shit on
the road.

TALIESIN: You’re already taking a good hard look
at your decisions. This is good.

MATT: As you guys begin to try and work out your
arrangements and the horses, unfortunately, due to

the heavy nature of your armor and the broad form
and heavy body of Keg, it looks like you won’t be

able to fit Keg and one other individual on a
horse. But there are other combinations that might work.

MARISHA: Nott, team up with Caleb.

TALIESIN: I’ll ride with you then.

SAM: Would that work?

TALIESIN: You get your own horse.

ASHLY: Ay.

MARISHA: Can me and Molly team up?

MATT: You and Molly can do it, yeah.

MARISHA: Okay.

TALIESIN: I have their armor.

SAM: Wait, we have three– yeah, okay.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that’ll do it.

MATT: Keg’s about as dense as two of you.

TALIESIN: That’s fair.

(laughter)

SAM: I noticed back there that you were using your
hands and weapon stuff and things. You’re not a

healer or anything?

ASHLY: You cracked the case, my man.

TALIESIN: Truly nothing escapes your astute
observation.

SAM: You don’t have any potions of healing or
anything that could maybe heal someone if anyone

needing healing would–

ASHLY: Who needs healing?

SAM: No one now, but in the future– it’s a
frequent occurrence for us.

TALIESIN: Going to go back to that cabin and take
a short rest for a minute.

SAM: Do any of us have any potions?

MARISHA: I have a potion.

LIAM: I have a potion. I start to look to see what
Jester’s got inside the haversack other than the

dodecahedron and our tent.

MATT: Unless I am mistaken–

SAM: She had a Greater Healing potion, however, I
don’t know if she had that on her or kept it in

the sack.

TALIESIN: It would have been in the sack.

LIAM: She had a Heroes’ Feast in there, I think.

MATT: I’m going to go ahead and check one element
of this because it will–

SAM: I think we have her notebook in the locker.

TALIESIN: Do you want me to go look at the
locker?

MARISHA: Yeah, her notebook might even be–

SAM: No, I felt around in there.

MARISHA: Oh, it might be in the locker then.

ASHLY: What time is it now, after all the
bug-battling?

MATT: The battle was pretty quick. You still have
probably another hour and a half, two hours,

before sundown.

ASHLY: Of daylight? Is there anything to harvest
from those bugs?

MATT: If you want to go ahead and take a shot at
trying–

SAM: Did the light just change in here?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: It was in battle mode, did you notice?

ASHLY: Ooh, fancy!

TALIESIN: Look at the fancy.

SAM: The light is moving.

MATT: New toys.

TALIESIN and MARISHA: New toys.

MATT: I’ve wanted to have a setup like that since
high school. And now I can.

MARISHA: 12.

MATT: You’ve never encountered these creatures;
you don’t have much of an understanding of their

anatomy beyond the experience you had extracting
the aspects from them, which actually would give

you a little better idea of their physicality in
some places. Because you looked at their

constitution and dexterity, I’ll say that you know
that the tendons and some of the muscle sinew that

they use in the inside of their body is very
strong and very tight and can be used as cording.

It can be used for anything that would involve a
very strong piece of cord or rope.

MARISHA: What about their acidic venom situation,
their venom sacs?

LIAM: Caleb comes up behind.

MATT: That could possibly be harvested. It’s a
dangerous process, you can certainly try.

MARISHA: Like I might die trying?

MATT: I don’t know, you can certainly try. It’s
trying to carefully remove a giant sac of natural

acid from a creature’s body. You want to roll the
dice?

TALIESIN: Are you feeling lucky, punk?

LIAM: Hold on. Here, there’s the dodecahedron.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: All right. Well, you have to pull it out.
You have to remove it.

MARISHA: I did.

SAM: Just stare back.

MATT: You watch as they pull this pack out and
Beau, reaching in, pulls out this strange,

12-sided construction. It looks like it’s some
sort of an opaque crystal, almost like a marble

type of color. It’s grayish and it’s undulating
with some slight pulsing light, like a faint

heartbeat, with these golden handles affixed to
it. As she pulls it out and begins to focus on it,

there’s this moment of distant meditation before
she comes back with a breath and places it back

in. It’s a strange sight.

ASHLY: You’re all into some freaky shit.

LIAM: Made by gnomes.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: Do you have a blade to harvest?

LIAM: I have a dagger. Here, use mine.

MARISHA: I do have a dagger.

LIAM: I shoot out the globules of light to float
around the corpse.

MARISHA: And I put my goggles on. Safety first.

LIAM: It’s very bright. Super bright.

MATT: Super bright right now.

MARISHA: Pull up the hood and I buckle myself up.
I take my scarf from around my waist and tie it

around me for a facemask.

LIAM: You can do this, and I walk twenty feet
back.

MATT: I will say, because of your understanding of
its body from extracting the aspects of it, do you

wish to utilize nature or medicine for this roll?
Giving you the choice.

MARISHA: Medicine, it’s higher.

MATT: Go ahead and make your check.

MARISHA: Just a straight check?

MATT: Just a straight check. Skill check with
medicine bonus, whatever that may be.

MARISHA: Natural 20!

ASHLY and TALIESIN: Whoa!

TALIESIN: Finally!

MARISHA: I’m back!

MATT: You’ve seen Beau be pretty precise in combat
and pinpointing the weak elements of an opponent’s

body. This is almost poetry. The surgical
precision in which Beauregard takes the dagger and

cuts, pulls, rips, pulls and lifts. Tucks, finds,
cuts, removes, and within a matter of about a

minute, a minute and a half, there is a sac about
the size of a basketball– the ends have been tied

off and feels like a water balloon.

ASHLY: Keg is aroused.

MARISHA: Got the sac, now what? Do you have any
more flasks or anything to put it in?

SAM: I have a couple of empty vials, but they’re
small. I’ve worked with chemicals before, I could

try to put this acid in the vials and stopper
them.

MARISHA: If we poke– if you have a little tube or
something that is straw, a little bamboo straw,

put it in there, and go down?

SAM: Sure. Would three vials of acid be useful to
us?

MARISHA: I think it would be useful to you for
sure.

SAM: Sure, all right. I’ll try to make a little
needle prick in the bladder and try to pour them

into these vials that I got from The Gentleman.

MARISHA: Can I help with my natural 20?

MATT: Make a dexterity check, just a straight
dexterity check.

SAM: Okay. That’s 16.

MATT: That’s good. You do not just puncture a
balloon while looking directly at it. You manage

to find one of the areas that taper within this
organ, whatever it is that was removed, and manage

to siphon it off in a way where you can fill the
rest of your vials, however many empty vials you have.

SAM: I have three from The Gentleman.

MATT: Yeah. You have three vials of acid now.

SAM: Okay. Great. Would you like one? You did
this.

MARISHA: I think they’re better to be used on your
bolts and things like that.

SAM: I don’t know how I would put it on there.

MARISHA: Can’t he–?

MATT: It’s more of a tossed weapon or used to
dissolve things.

SAM: Why don’t you take one?

MARISHA: All right, I’ll take one.

SAM: Molly, do you want some acid? Do you want to
drop some acid?

TALIESIN: I feel like if you give it to me, I’m
going to end up dropping it and it’s not really

going to be that useful.

SAM: Caleb, do you want–?

LIAM: You’re far more dexterous than I.

SAM: How about I’ll give you two, and I’ll keep
one since I already have one that I made.

ASHLY: You didn’t ask me if I wanted some acid.

LIAM: Are you dexterous?

ASHLY: Yeah?

LIAM: Show us.

ASHLY: 15. I do a back flip, I don’t know.

(laughter)

ASHLY: It’s acrobatics, but fuck it.

LIAM: I’d say she earned one, yeah?

SAM: All right. Here you go.

ASHLY: Thank you.

SAM: Are we friends again?

ASHLY: Were we ever?

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I’m very happy.

MATT: You guys have taken a short time– it’s
taken about half an hour or so for you to go

through this process of extracting that and
carefully filling these vials and discussing

amongst yourselves who would get what. You have
about an hour until dusk hits.

TALIESIN: I say we just camp at the house, at this
point. I need rest and we have… Not going to get

much further.

MARISHA: It’s fine with me. You guys fine with
that?

LIAM: Short rest, you said? Sorry, was reading my
book.

TALIESIN: I say we wake up early. It’s going to be
dusk in less than an hour.

ASHLY: The house feels a little exposed to me.

TALIESIN: Well…

ASHLY: Plus all the weird buggy guys were around
there. If there are more, they would come back.

LIAM: I’m sorry, did we get any horses? Just
enough to fit us all on, condensed, right.

SAM: What time is it? Sorry.

MATT: About an hour until dusk.

SAM: Oh, well, we can make some more headway on
the road and then go at full dark. We could camp

at full dark.

TALIESIN: Wherever we happen to find ourselves.

ASHLY: Are we within range of the forests?

MATT: Yes, about here is where the forest begins,
and that is where you began your confrontation.

You’re right on the edge of the forest.

LIAM: I think we should continue to make time as
well.

MARISHA: Okay. Can I climb a tree and do I see
anything on the horizon in where we’re going, like

another tree clearing that looks like it might be
up ahead?

MATT: Make an athletics check.

MARISHA: Athletics?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: 24.

SAM: Jesus.

MARISHA: Rolled an 18.

MATT: Like a monkey that was raised in the jungle,
you watch Beauregard leap from branch to bough,

effortlessly diving through this forest.

ASHLY: Keg is aroused.

MARISHA: Whatever you cast on me, Caleb, is
like… I feel so good!

MATT and LIAM: It’s gone.

MARISHA: But the lingering effects, you know, I’m
in the afterglow!

MATT: The afterglow of Haste.

TALIESIN: It was just tea. We just gave you tea to
smoke, it wasn’t really…

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Herbal tea, man. Just chamomile tea.

MARISHA: So relaxed.

MATT: You make it up into the canopy. Make a
perception check.

MARISHA: Okay. 17.

MATT: Even at the tallest tree, most around you,
all you can see are other trees of varying

heights. Looking in the northeast direction,
beyond where you just came from, you can see the

house, you can see bits of natural rock that maybe
had either been left by some long-ago volcanic

detonation in the distance, or pushed up through
the ground by tectonic movement, you’re not sure.

You see elements of stone that have broken through
bits of the grass and open fields, part of the

natural fields here. You haven’t actually traveled
this far north, so it’s unfamiliar topography to

you– you’ve only heard about it– but it’s
interesting to see that the further north you get,

the more rocky the terrain seems to get in the
direction you’re traveling. You do see, far in the

distance, what could possibly be the road that
you’re getting to, but it’s a ways off to get to

that direction.

MARISHA: I climb back down. I say we gather some
branches, some scrap wood for firewood, in case

this might be the only forest we come across in a
while. See as far as we can get, maybe we can hide

under a rock for shelter or something.

TALIESIN: I’ve still got my tent, so, sure.

MARISHA: I shoved one in the haversack too.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: You guys continue for the next hour or so,
skirting along the forest.

MARISHA: I gathered some stuff.

LIAM: As they leave, Caleb scooches Frumpkin on
the head and says: You know, she always forgets

about you, but I do not.

MARISHA: It’s such a quiet bird. I’m used to very
loud birds.

MATT: You guys gather some kindling, get back to
your three horses and your comparatively

uncomfortable riding arrangement, and continue on
for another hour on the outside of the forest

before the sun does eventually vanish. The graying
sky is getting darker and darker, the faint bits

of orange that poke through– it’s not a beautiful
sunset, you only catch the faint hues that manage

to push through the gloom, but the sky grows dark
enough to the point where you think you should set

up camp. Are you setting up camp at the edge of
the forest, on the inside of the forest, on the

outside of the forest, what’s your preference?

LIAM: Off inside, I think.

ASHLY: Yeah, I think inside as well.

MATT: Okay. You guys set up camp. Who’s keeping
first watch?

LIAM: I will.

TALIESIN: I’ll also do first watch.

LIAM: I will begin it by putting out the silver
thread around the group.

MATT: You guys want to both individually roll
perception or one aid the other? With the help action.

SAM: Help action!

LIAM: Individual.

TALIESIN: Individual.

LIAM: Because I can’t decide.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: Natural 20.

LIAM: Better than my 16.

MATT: Plus?

TALIESIN: Oh. Plus… three. 23.

MATT: All righty. As everyone’s settling in,
begins to find their initial portions of rest, you

guys have your small fire there on the edge.
Molly, you glance off deeper into the forest…

and your eyes, even at this distance, catch a
faint glimmer of matching flame. You see a faint

bit of firelight sparkling about 200 feet deeper
into the forest.

TALIESIN: There’s another… there’s another
campfire.

LIAM: How far away?

TALIESIN: 200 feet, give or take.

LIAM: Uh…

TALIESIN: Do you want to send a bird, maybe?

LIAM: I would send one of two things. One is our
little friend here, or–

TALIESIN: She’s sleeping.

LIAM: Or I… lose the peregrine and go back to
something else a little less noticeable.

TALIESIN: I’d say go ahead. I figure if they were
meaning us any harm they wouldn’t set a fire.

LIAM: And it’s dark out now, yeah?

MATT: It is dark, yeah. It’s probably pushing
10:00, 10:30.

LIAM: (sighs) I would know if an owl– Owls can
see in the dark?

MATT: Owls are nocturnal yes. You would know
that.

LIAM: Yeah, okay. Okay. I’m going to change
Frumpkin again, out of peregrine into an owl. I

will mark that off on my supplies. I’ve got one
more after this that I can do.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: We get a long rest.

LIAM: And uh– No, I mean I need incense but
anyway–

MATT: You don’t have your long rests yet, so don’t
mark that yet.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LIAM: Yeah. I send Frumpkin tree to tree in that
direction. Maybe, 20 feet and wait a moment and

then another 20 feet.

MATT: Okay. So as Frumpkin begins to crawl through
the forest in the direction of the fire, we’re

going to go ahead and take a break.

SAM: Oh. Wait, no. What? Huh? Oh.

(laughter)

MATT: Yeah. It’s almost nine o'clock so we’re
going to take a break.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: So we’ll be back here in a few minutes.
Thank you for coming along with us for this bit so

far. We’ll be back to continue from where we left
off there. We do have our first giveaway at our

first break in the new studio.

(cheers)

MATT: There are some changes and such so reminding
you guys that moving forward we’ll be doing the

Wyrmwood giveaway at the Critical Role Twitch
chat. So you need to head to

twitch.tv/criticalrole for the break to enter. If
you’re watching on Alpha or Geek & Sundry just

switch over and you can head on back over when
you’re done. Right now, the offer, once again,

only stands for people in the US and Canada
excluding Quebec because of weird giveaway rules

and laws. However, tonight’s prize is a Wyrmwood
cherry dice tower with this fantastic cartography

burned in of maps designed by our fantastic Deven
Rue, who you may recognize, who’s done the map of

the Dwendalian Empire that we have here as well as
other amazing bits and also designed the compass

rose on our map. She’s amazing. Her work’s amazing
and while this isn’t available with Wyrmwood yet,

keep an eye out because cool stuff like this might
be showing up more often. So this will be given

away to some lucky person in the break. Need to go
into the Critical Role Twitch chat and enter only

one time. Enter the key phrase “Kegstand.” So
enter it once. Magnets, it’s magic. So enter it

once; more than once, you’ll be disqualified and
we’ll announce the winner here at the end of the

break so we’ll see you here in a few minutes.

ASHLY: That’s cute.

SAM: Wait, which chat?

MATT: Critical Role.

SAM: Okay, cool. You’ve said that. You said that,
right?

MATT: I did. Like twice. All righty. Break time
guys, let’s go.

[break]

MATT: Welcome back, everybody. We have our winner
of our giveaway for this fantastic Deven Rue

map-etched dice tower by Wyrmwood. It is
GottaBeKD18. Congratulations, GottaBeKD18, you are

the winner! Danoba will get your contact
information and we’ll get this sent out to you

ASAP. Well done! You’ve won the first giveaway in
the new studio. I am excited for you to try it

out; it’s quite delightful. All righty. Bringing
us back into where we left off. Frumpkin wanders

off through the darkened forest.

SAM: (hooting)

MARISHA: Oh yeah, he’s an owl now. He’s so cute.

SAM: One, two, three.

MARISHA: Mr. Owl was a dick. It was a dick move.

ASHLY: Yeah, it really was.

MATT: One, two, three, fuck you. As Frumpkin
begins–

[owl hooting]

SAM: What the fuck was that, Matt?! There was an
owl that just hooted on the soundtrack.

MATT: Yeah. We’re in a forest at night, guys.
Frumpkin makes his way through the dark tree

bottoms, eventually coming upon– actually, this
would be a more creepy setting for this, I think.

That’s better. Frumpkin slowly comes upon the
warmth of this distant fire, closer and closer

until coming around the corner, seeing a small
fire heating a cauldron of some kind, some metal

bowl. A bit of steam is rising off of whatever
liquid is in the interior. You see an elderly

woman in darker, tattered clothing that drapes off
of the body, hunched but tall, very tall, like six

and a half feet tall at a hunch. Make a perception
check for Frumpkin, please, at this distance with disadvantage.

LIAM: With disadvantage?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Okay. Perception, you said? 14.

MATT: The skin of this woman is a faint gray
color, almost a gray-blue tint. The hair is this

matted mess of tangled white and gray that is
pulled back and tied behind the head where it

cascades over the shoulders. The ears are long and
pointed, out to the sides a bit. The nose is wide

and pressed up into the face. She is going back
and forth from this little hovel that’s on the

opposite side, that’s built between two trees: a
large thick one and another that seems to have

fallen and come to rest at an angle next to it. In
that small cranny between the two trees, you can

see this little hut built of thatch and sticks and
rope to construct this little home. It’s almost

like an arch that’s holding it up. Near the ground
of this cauldron, you see a child of some kind

that is sitting on the ground, holding knees to
its chest. It looks to be a boy.

LIAM: Knees to chest?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Okay. She is paying him no mind at the
moment?

MATT: At the moment, no. It looks like she is
going to and from this little homestead and

putting things into this cauldron.

LIAM: I whisper in fragments what I saw through
Frumpkin’s eyes the whole time, but I’m still

looking and I can’t hear anybody.

MARISHA: Do you have any awake?

TALIESIN: Just us.

LIAM: Oh, right, I would be holding onto Molly.
This is reminding me of stories that my mother

told me when I was very young. Not good ones,
things to scare me into following the rules. I

come out of it.

TALIESIN: A child?

LIAM: And a woman, or not.

TALIESIN: That does have a vibration, doesn’t it?
I’m not at my best right now. If they’re human,

even if they’re friendly, I’m not the first face
you’d want to see.

LIAM: Quickly. Have to think here, because
everyone else is sleeping and that didn’t look

good for that little boy, but then it doesn’t
really help us with what we are doing, but then

the child. What to do?

TALIESIN: You have a friendly owl.

LIAM: I go back into Frumpkin to see what’s going
on.

MATT: Okay. You watch now as the woman takes a
small clay cup and dips it into this cauldron and

pulls out this steaming mass of liquid that she’s
contained within it, turns to the child, walks

over and kneels down beside. Places the long
fingers along the shoulder and hands the cup to

the child. The child takes it, looking at her, and
slowly sips from it. Burns the mouth a little bit.

LIAM: I swat at Molly and say: Wake the others.

TALIESIN: Fine. I start quietly waking.

MARISHA, SAM, and ASHLY: What? What?

TALIESIN: I somehow woke everyone at the exact
same time. It’s one of my many powers.

SAM: We were all spooning.

TALIESIN: Left hand, right hand, tail. I got it
all working at once. We’ve got a bit of a

situation outside.

SAM: Where?

TALIESIN: It’s going to require some delicacy.

SAM: Is Caleb gone?

TALIESIN: Caleb’s dead. It’s all over.

SAM: No!

MARISHA: You’re looking at him.

SAM: Okay. I didn’t know if he was a phantom or
something.

ASHLY: What’s going on?

TALIESIN: There’s a boy, there’s an old woman.

LIAM: I’m not sure, but I think there is a young
child that’s in danger there. We seemed to care

about the bird child, maybe we care about this
one. I don’t know.

SAM: Of course.

ASHLY: Why do we give a shit?

SAM: It’s a baby.

ASHLY: Ah, fuck.

LIAM: We got to act right now.

ASHLY: What does the woman look like?

MARISHA: I’m going to groggily stumble over, put
on my googles as I start stumbling towards the light.

LIAM: She looked dead. She did not look natural.

TALIESIN: I’m going to stay 30 feet behind and try
and stealth.

MATT: Beauregard, you’re leading up?

MARISHA: Yeah, I’m going to walk and I’m like:
It’s bright enough, and I got to pee anyway. I’ll

be right back.

MATT: So not stealthing?

SAM: Maybe you should not go first.

MARISHA: Okay, no, I’ll stealth a little bit.

MATT: Roll a stealth check, Beau.

MARISHA: Okay. That was almost good. 11.

MATT: Who else is following Beau?

SAM: I’m going to not follow, but go off to the
side and try to go around the other way.

MATT: Stealth check from you.

TALIESIN: We have not had a short rest yet, have
we?

MATT: Nope.

TALIESIN: Okay, just checking.

LIAM: A short rest? I thought we did, back at the
house.

MATT: A short rest– You didn’t call it out.

MARISHA: But he was on first watch.

LIAM: I happily went, “I get to use arcane
recovery” in my head because of the conversation

that was happening.

MATT: I will allow a short rest before you guys
went to bed. It’s fine, I’ll allow it.

SAM: 16.

LIAM: Thank you, Matt.

MATT: The two of you have branched off and are
stealthing, you think. What are you doing, Caleb?

LIAM: I wanted to go with Nott, about 20 feet
behind, and cast Mage Armor as I go.

MATT: Okay, and what’s your stealth check?

LIAM: It is a big ten.

MATT: Okay. What are you doing, Keg?

ASHLY: I pick up my battleaxe and there’s a little
medallion hanging from the bottom of it and I look

at it and I go: Goddamn it, and I try to stealth
after them. Natural 20.

MATT: You have disadvantage, however, in your
armor.

ASHLY: Natural 20.

ALL: Whoa!

TALIESIN: That die never does that for me.

LIAM: You did this last time. You’re not human!

MATT: The anti-Wheaton has been found.

LIAM: You can’t come back!

MATT: You can never touch Wil Wheaton, or you guys
will cancel each other out like the bad guy in

Time Cop. Oh my god. Strangely, the stealthiest of
all of you is the dwarf in plate armor.

MARISHA: Amazing. It’s lubricated with all the
blood of her enemies.

MATT: Exactly. All right, Molly, you’re staying 30
feet back?

TALIESIN: I’m staying 30 feet back and attempting
a stealth check. That’s cocked. That’s better.

That’s (counting) 12.

MATT: You all slowly begin to approach this fire,
seeing the shapes and the figures described by

Caleb previously. Beau, you step forward and your
foot catches an under root and stumble for a

moment. You hear the scrambling of her arms across
the bottom of the forest floor, the moving and

shifting of leaves and branches. The old woman
looks up in that direction and looks back at you,

immediately making eye contact with you about 30
feet away. Her arms immediately jump up in your

direction as she begins to shout, “You! You will
not take any more of us! I will sooner die!”

MARISHA: I reach back out to her and I go: Yes,
right?! We are so going to die. I’m with you.

MATT: Make a wisdom saving throw.

MARISHA: Saving throw?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: 15?

MATT: You feel some sort of magical force suddenly
penetrate your mind, and this sparkle of colors

begin to spray in front of your face that
completely distract you and obscure your vision

momentarily, but you blink out of it and find the
effect drift off of your brain. The old woman goes

“(panting),” and reaches down and puts herself in
front of the boy, between you and the child.

MARISHA: Yeah, I’m not bad. I’m not one of the bad
guys… That you were definitely talking about.

That I’m aware of, right? What bad guys are you
talking about?

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

MARISHA: Okay.

LIAM: Ooh, that’s craziness.

MARISHA: That’s in the middle of nowhere. Okay,
18.

MATT: Her immediate tension drops slightly. She’s
still maintaining a very defensive position in

front of the child. One hand is still up, but it
seems that she’s pulled back a bit from the

aggressive stance she was previously in. As she
lifts her face a bit, you can see a bit more of

her expression in the light as the hair pulls away
as she lifts her chin. You can see that the face

is humanoid, but with a wider nose. The skin is
grayish, almost a blue tint, with bits of a soft

fur. It takes you a second to recognize where
you’ve seen these features before. This appears to

be the same type of race that Pumat Sol is.

MARISHA: Firbolg?

MATT: It is a firbolg.

MARISHA: Amazing!

MATT: You can see there is a series of necklaces
that looks to be bones and rocks and stones that

have been polished that dangle around her neck as
adornments and trinkets. A few bird skulls hanging

on it, as well. The child, also you see, is a
young firbolg, as well. Knees tucked against his

chest. You can see that the child looks scraped up
and bruised, and appears to have been injured.

MARISHA: I say, Bad guys kidnapping kids, right?
That’s scary stuff. Trying to protect your son?

MATT: “Not my son, but we have lost a few, yes.”

MARISHA: Who–

MATT: Looks past you, for a second, to Molly, who
is not being stealthy, either. “How many are you?”

TALIESIN: One, two, three, four, five–

MARISHA: Currently five–

TALIESIN: Five!

MARISHA: But just call us the Nein. The Mighty
Nein.

MATT: “Very well.”

MARISHA: Here, M. Nein? (whistles)

TALIESIN: I’m just walking out at this point.

SAM: I’ll slowly emerge from the shadows.

ASHLY: I’m staying in the forest.

LIAM: Same.

MATT: Okay. “I apologize, I’ve been on edge for a
number of days. You seem to know these people or

“have heard of them at least?”

TALIESIN: We’ve lost a few recently.

MATT: “I’m sorry. I am Jumnda. I’m a healer in my
aged years for the Guiatao Clan. We are small in

“number and, now, yet smaller still.”

MARISHA: The Guitaya Clan?

MATT: Guiatao.

MARISHA: Guai–

MATT: G-U-I-A-T-A-O.

MARISHA: Guiatao Clan.

MATT: “This little one is Umbo. He is awake now,
which is good fortune. I’ve been trying to bring

"him back to health for a couple of days.”

MARISHA: You say he’s not your son, but part of
your clan?

MATT: “Yes, he is under my care now.”

MARISHA: Is the whole clan wiped out? Who’s left?

MATT: The woman, Jumnda, looks around for second
and takes a deep breath. “Three days back, the

"clan was in celebration for the coming of age for
young Duma. Roasted boar was prepared, and the

"twenty of us were dancing around the fire when the
murderers came. Slew Toffah and Wolya with their

"arrows as they danced together. Others fought.
Fennis died protecting me, and I managed to grab

"Ombo here as he had been beaten within an inch of
his life to unconsciousness. We fled. But I

"watched as they grabbed others in nets, pulling
them away as they screamed and yet made no noise.”

You know exactly who and what she’s talking about.
The methods are very familiar. “When they left, I

"returned to nurse those I could back to health.
Nila, by some luck, was off when the attack

"happened. She returned to find her love and child
taken.

MATT: "Nila went off to find them alone. I begged
her to stay, else she join their fate, but it’s

"impossible to stop a mother when the child is in
danger. So I fear for her life but I understand

"her drive. So here I am, here he is, and a few
survivors care to what remains of our village a

"ways back that direction.” She points deeper into
the forest. “So, you know my story, what’s yours?”

MARISHA: Other half of our party members were
taken from us in the middle of the night, just

last night. Seems very similar ways, considering
neither of the rest of us heard anything.

TALIESIN: Just woke up and they were gone.

MATT: “They were lucky.”

TALIESIN: We’ll see.

MATT: “Had you been awake, you might have had the
urge or instinct to defend them.”

TALIESIN: Well, we’re making our way to see if
something can be done.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: “Well, you’re as brave as Nila.”

MARISHA: Nila? She’s the one going after them?

MATT: “She was. I don’t know where she is or if
she has fared well– if they’ve found her. I think

she overestimates her capability.”

MARISHA: What was her son’s name?

MATT: “Her son was Dua.”

ASHLY: Can I do an insight check just to make sure
that she’s telling the truth?

MATT: You may.

ASHLY: 15.

MATT: 15?

SAM, TALIESIN, and MARISHA: Whispers?

SAM: Guys, D&D Beyond is a wonderful platform, in
which you can organize your statistics and your

equipment and they’ve just recently done a revamp
of their layout. Liam, how do you like it?

LIAM: I like it. It feels like I am looking at the
paper.

SAM: And it’s customizable!

LIAM: It’s customizable. I haven’t customized mine
yet.

ASHLY: We’re talking about D&D Beyond?

LIAM: Always.

SAM: Nice.

LIAM: Yes, Keg, we are.

ASHLY: I heard it’s a wonderful service.

MATT: “Well, if we indeed have an enemy in common,
you are welcome to stay with us.” And she glances

across you. “I can perhaps maybe tend to some of
your wounds. We have tea that’s ready that may

"help you in your journey ahead.”

TALIESIN: I genuinely don’t know how to say no to
tea.

MARISHA: You couldn’t bring a horse back from the
dead, could you? Just didn’t know how far your

abilities stretch.

MATT: “I’m afraid that is beyond my capability.”

TALIESIN: You can’t heal a dead horse.

MARISHA: Water Closet’s gone forever–

SAM: Yes.

TALIESIN: Downtrodden.

MARISHA: He saved our lives a lot. (laughing)
Downtrodden.

SAM: Stop! (whispering) Bastard.

ASHLY: Keg comes out from the forest.

SAM: Ah! I forgot you were with us!

ASHLY: Thanks a lot, Nott! What are we doing
here?

SAM: Well these people have suffered the same fate
that our frie–

ASHLY: We going to help every single person we see
along this road?

SAM: We’re mutually– We’re going after the same
people that have affected them.

LIAM: (yelling) We were going to camp back there,
but instead we are going to camp over there!

MARISHA: That’s Caleb. He always stands about 20
feet back.

LIAM: (yelling) At least!

MATT: “Well, if there are more of you, they are
welcome as well. I do not know if I have enough

"tea for everyone if there is more, but–”

TALIESIN: I’m feeling all right, but–

LIAM: It’s just the five Neins.

ASHLY: So you’re just offering us a place to stay?
You don’t want anything out of this?

MATT: “No.”

ASHLY: All right.

SAM: Some people are just good.

TALIESIN: Some people make tea. I’m going to head
in.

MARISHA: Can you do anything about this acid burn?
And I sit down next to her.

MATT: “I see that you have encountered some of the
ankheg variety.”

MARISHA: Oh! They are called ankhegs, you guys!

SAM: Related to you?

ASHLY: No, Nott. Keep trying, you little
detective. You’ll get it one day.

SAM: The subject seems to be exhibiting signs of
distress, or at least annoyance.

ASHLY: Annoyance!

MATT: You gather over to their space. It’s a nice,
lived-in space. You get the sense this is the home

for this medicine woman, who doesn’t live directly
with the rest of the village. She inspects your

wounds, has some balms and natural remedies to
help prevent infection. The tea, while it is not

necessarily delicious by any means– it is very
herbal and medicinal– it does fill you with a

sense of rest and relief, and what restlessness
you may have been struggling with through a

night’s rest is absolved.

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Chamomile.

MATT: As you guys manage to say here for the
evening, you get the benefits of a long rest. You

come to consciousness. Now in the morning day,
which is a little more peaceful.

TALIESIN: I have cards. We could have played
cards.

MATT: You awaken. Over by the fire the little boy,
Ombo, is sitting there, currently with these two

small wooden pikes that are jammed into the side
and some squirrel-like critters that are hanging

on them that are put towards the fire, cooking. As
you awaken, Ombo turns and smiles. Doesn’t say

anything, but looks over and inspects them and
then brings them back and hands them out to you.

SAM: It’s breakfast.

TALIESIN: I will definitely take some.

SAM: I’ll take one. Yes, thank you.

LIAM: Do you understand what I am saying? Do you
speak? Is his ward awake?

MATT: You don’t see her at the moment, but you do
hear a bit of rustling in the actual little hovel

in the tree archway.

ASHLY: Can I make a perception check around to
make sure everything is copacetic?

MATT: You can.

ASHLY: 16.

MATT: You notice that the horses have actually
been brought closer. They’ve been hitched together

to one of the local stumps, to the circle here. It
seems that in your rest, your very deep rest

through the evening, a lot of things have been
tended to and taken care of in your presence.

TALIESIN: They’ve got turn-down service here.

MATT: As part of your long rest, and the tea which
you took in the evening, you do have advantage on

perception checks for the next eight hours.

LIAM: I bring Frumpkin– without saying a word,
telepathically, I have Frumpkin come down in front

of the child, and do a little owl nonsensical
shimmy dance on the ground, just for ten seconds,

to catch his attention, then have Frumpkin flutter
up and land on his head and gently find purchase

and sit.

MATT: Okay. He freezes on the arrival.

LIAM: I smile.

MATT: He seems to smile again, looking up at you,
looking up at Frumpkin. Stays frozen in place. At

which point, the doorway opens from the hut and
Jumna emerges with a small pouch of some kind.

Steps up to the rest of you. “I see you have
awoken. I know you’ll be on your way shortly, but

"maybe this can help.” She pulls back the top of
the leather pack and reaches in, and pulls out a

cluster of moss that has been dried, and holds it
out to whoever’s closest or wishes to take it.

LIAM: Mollymauk will take that.

TALIESIN: Always.

SAM: What does it do?

MATT: “Should you find yourself in a wounded
state, this should help you with some rapid

"recovery of the wounds.” It acts as a greater
healing potion, but it takes a minute to

administer, so it’s a non-combat scenario.

SAM: Do you smoke it?

MATT: “No, it is crumbled and then ingested. You
can also put some in the actual wounds, if you

"like, but it is meant for ingestion.”

SAM: See? People are just nice sometimes.

ASHLY: Never in my experience.

LIAM: Only sometimes.

TALIESIN: Do you know which way this friend of
yours was heading to find them? It was north on

the path, I suppose.

MATT: “Just north is what I know. North,
northeast?”

TALIESIN: We’ll see what we can do.

MATT: “If you find her and whatever state you find
her… if it’s not a good state, will you promise

"me to at least bring her back so we can give her a
proper burial?”

ASHLY: This ain’t part of my deal.

TALIESIN: If it’s possible we’ll see what we can
do.

MATT: “That’s all I can ask.”

TALIESIN: All things being equal.

MATT: “Anyway. I thank you. Ombo thanks you.
And–”

TALIESIN: I look at the kid. Is he freaked out by
the way I look? Is he–?

MATT: No, not at all.

TALIESIN: I’m going to go down and try something.

MATT: He does have a giant owl on his shoulder and
is currently preoccupied with the owl.

TALIESIN: I’m going to try this. I haven’t tried
this yet. I’m going to hold up the moon card, and

I’m going to try and do a sleight of hand trick
and flip it to one of my little moon trinkets,

moon baubles.

MATT: Ooh. Make a sleight of hand check.

TALIESIN: It would be the most hilarious natural
one– eight.

MATT: Eight? Okay. It happens but–

TALIESIN: It’s not beautiful yet–

MATT: The trick is very visible, what you did, the
kid still seems amused.

TALIESIN: I give him the bauble.

MATT: Smiles. Frumpkin ruffles his feathers, looks
a bit spooked.

TALIESIN: I give him a little scratch. The
horses?

SAM: Yes, we should keep going to find their
friends.

LIAM: Thank you both.

MATT: “Thank you for hopefully doing some good in
a very dark world.”

LIAM: Well. Dark business at hand.

SAM: Do you know someone named Pumat Sol?

MATT: “Uh… that does not ring a bell?”

SAM: How about one of his friends Pumat Sol or
Pumat Sol or Pumat Sol?

MATT: “I apologize, I do not.”

SAM: I just thought maybe they knew each other.

LIAM: They all know each other.

SAM: I don’t know how many of these there are!

SAM: Me? I’m–

LIAM: Do you know a goblin named Furgle Burgle?

SAM: No! I don’t know every goblin! There’s lots
of goblins! I never– All right, all right, point

taken, point taken.

(laughter)

MATT: As you guys gather your things, get the
horses ready, Ombo approaches and gives a little

wave. You watch as Jumma approaches from behind
and rests her hand on his shoulder. Looks up to

you and says, “Please, be safe.”

MARISHA: We’ll try. Thank you. Man, normally Fjord
is here to do this part.

SAM: No, that was really good!

TALIESIN: You did very well.

LIAM: That is the best you ever did.

MARISHA: Thank you. that does feel good. I did
something today.

TALIESIN: You were nearly charming.

MATT: Charming adjacent?

MARISHA: All right. We leave.

LIAM: As we leave, Frumpkin’s head does that crazy
owl thing that goes 180 and flips around and just

looks as–

MATT: As you vanish into the treeline, Ombo the
child seems transfixed by the owl’s behavior

before disappearing behind the trees, and you guys
find your way back to the open fields of the

northern Marrow Valley. So. Now back on horseback,
what pace are you traveling at? Are you still

going at a fast pace?

LIAM: We are well-rested.

MARISHA: We’ve already lost two of our horses, why
not lose a few more?

TALIESIN: We’re the Three Amigos is really–

LIAM: Now all of us know– ooh I went Vax. All of
us know, what you already knew, which is– yes,

still hurts– that these people are terrible. And
deserve no mercy.

SAM: Not the firbolgs we just met, right? You were
talking about the people who kidnapped our friends.

LIAM: What do you think?

SAM: I think– we’re still talking about the
people who kidnapped our friends.

TALIESIN: Everybody’s doing so much better
suddenly. It’s as if the vacuum means other people

have to start pulling some slack. It’s nice.

MARISHA: What?

TALIESIN: Well suddenly you’re being kind of
charismatic. Nott’s making moralistic judgments

that are in the direction of reasonable.

SAM: Sure, sure.

ASHLY: I will say that I don’t want to get hung up
trying to help those people while we’re in Shady Run.

LIAM: Oh, you know. If we can. We’re not
altruistic by nature, either.

ASHLY: All right.

MARISHA: You know, if we stumble upon one of them
maybe be like, “Hey. Met your grandma.”

TALIESIN: Some days it’s not hard to do a good
turn.

LIAM: But let’s be clear, we’re going to eliminate
the problem.

TALIESIN: Cheers.

LIAM: Save our friends. And if we can do something
extra, we do something extra. When we can.

SAM: And maybe even complete our mission.

TALIESIN: I’d forgotten about that.

MARISHA: I know that’s a big deal, that whole
mission completing thing.

TALIESIN: Been a little distracted.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: All right, let’s run these bastards down,
ja?

MATT: All right. Are you going at a normal pace,
or a fast pace?

MARISHA: Fast pace.

SAM: At a fast pace Matthew– I’m on horseback
with Caleb right? Could I be on the back, maybe

just flipping through Jester’s sketchbook?

MATT: Sure.

SAM: Okay, I’m going to look through the whole
thing.

MATT: All right. It is absurd. There are sketches
across the spectrum of silly-faced interpretations

and caricatures of the people you’ve met, of each
of you. There are little notes to The Traveler

throughout. You see people that you’ve liked in
the past looking beautiful, with tiny bodies, you

see people who you’ve hated in the past getting
stepped on by a poop monster. It’s childish in all

the delightful ways that you’d expect from
Jester’s capability.

SAM: Is it all drawings? Are there any notes, or
letters, or clues to her past?

MATT: There are notes. (pause) I will say, Laura
is not here to specify necessarily, that there are

passages in Common to The Traveler. What languages
do you know?

SAM: Common, Goblin, Halfling.

MATT: And there are a number of passages in a
language you don’t understand. Meatier passages.

Longer ones.

TALIESIN: If only there were a tiefling here, who
possibly spoke and read the same language.

LIAM: Or a wizard who can read anything.

LIAM and TALIESIN: Keep it to yourself.

SAM: Keep it to myself. [yelling] Keep steering
Caleb, I’m looking at nudie pictures!

MATT: So you carry on at a pretty good pace, and
you’re traveling rather swiftly. Though traveling

at this speed, it’s harder to perceive things at a
distance. Thankfully, this renewed vigor from the

tea that you had for the evening may help you in
that endeavor as well. So, who is keeping watch on

the roads ahead of you?

LIAM: I am.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and make a perception
check with advantage, and minus five to whatever you–

LIAM: So advantage minus five on both?

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Okay that’s not good; that’s a one. Okay,
that means I got a seven.

MATT: Okay then.

MARISHA: Seven?

LIAM: At advantage minus five on both the rolls I
rolled a nine, and a one. So hey.

MATT: For the next eight hours or so, you guys
continue on the trek on the outskirts of the

Crispvale Thicket. Eventually coming to meet up
with the Glory Run Road that heads northward to

the direction of Nogvurot. You can see there’s a
road sign that specifically points up to Nogvurot,

southward to the crossroads. Following the map and
the path you’ve charted out, in your experience as

well, you travel for quite a ways along Glory Run
and then just head straight north towards the

Quannah Breach, so you’ll be going off into just
grassland and scrubland at a certain point.

TALIESIN: Off-roading.

MATT: Essentially. About then eight hours hit, you
have another hour or so before the sun begins to

go down. You can continue to push for another hour
if you’d like to, and all take constitution saving

throws, it’s up to you.

LIAM: If we do the one more hour it’s constitution
checks?

MATT: You can do the one more hour, or you can
stop and set an early camp and get another

evening’s rest. But, you do not spot anything along
the way. It’s a beautiful open field.

LIAM: I’m sharp. I should always do this.

SAM: Are we getting close to where you think their
headquarters are?

ASHLY: How far do we have to Shadycreek?

MATT: You probably have maybe two days’ more travel
before you get there.

ASHLY: I’m down to push the other hour, but my
constitution is (clicks tongue).

MARISHA: I’m down as well, but–

TALIESIN: Let’s do it.

LIAM: Same.

MARISHA: And in that hour we can look for a place
to rest? It’s like pushing for the next rest stop.

LIAM: Yes, one more. We push it one more hour.

TALIESIN: Do we want to go at a steady pace for
this last hour, or do we want to push for a fast pace?

LIAM: Fast equals a constitution check, right?

MATT: No, you travel for another hour of
additional movement, which will get you probably

another six miles ahead, then we’ll see if you get
a point of exhaustion.

SAM: Let’s do it.

MATT: You push for the ninth hour. I need you all
to make constitution saving throws, please.

MARISHA: Can we look for a good camping spot?

ASHLY: Natural 20.

MARISHA: Oh shit!

LIAM: Natural 20? I don’t want to hear it!

TALIESIN: Natural 19. 21.

SAM: 13 total.

MARISHA: 18.

LIAM: Eight.

ASHLY: Oh no!

MATT: Caleb, you take a point of exhaustion. The
rest of you do not.

LIAM: Sweet, this is my first. What happens to me?
Do I die on the spot?

MARISHA: Disadvantage on your checks.

MATT: On ability checks, that’s all.

TALIESIN: And you’re hangry.

LIAM: That’s my secret, Taliesin. I’m always
hangry.

MATT: As the sky grows dark, the still gray clouds
that have taken the sky overhead, the temperature

is dropping significantly. It looks like it’s
going to be a particularly cold night. Do you wish

to continue pushing on?

MARISHA: Along the way, do we see anything that
looks like a good alcove or somewhere that would

be nice?

MATT: Make a perception check.

MARISHA: Which we have advantage on, right?

LIAM: Eight hours, and you said the eight hours
was–?

MATT: You’ve push now past hour nine, so you
cannot have advantage.

MARISHA: A six and– oh, no advantage? I’ll take
that six with my add perception of three, so nine.

MATT: Nine.

MARISHA: Nein.

MATT: Best you can find looking around, there are
a few small boulders or pieces of natural rock

formations that have pushed up out of the local
hills, as you are moving through this more hilly

area of the northern valley, but there’s no
alcoves or caves that you’re catching a vision of

that would give you safe and out of the public
eye.

TALIESIN: Does it look like if we push a little
bit further, there’s any change in terrain?

MATT: There’s only one way to find out.

TALIESIN: Even in far distance?

MATT: You can travel for another hour.

LIAM: Yeah, there’s a way to do that.

TALIESIN: Want to do one more hour and call it?

ASHLY: Or Owl Boy.

MARISHA: He’s hangry.

LIAM: We could push it, too. I’m good.

TALIESIN: Let’s send the owl.

LIAM: Okay. Five minute little fly-ahead?

MATT: Okay. Make a perception check.

LIAM: I hold on to my horse and stop hearing
everybody. Disadvantage?

MATT: It’s the owl, technically, not him.

LIAM: It’s terrible. It’s perception, was that
what I was doing? Five.

MATT: At this distance, it looks like it’s
straight, moving, rolling hills and bursts of stone.

LIAM: It’s getting dark out here, and I’m tired.

TALIESIN: If we can find a stone for cover,
maybe.

ASHLY: I’ll take watch.

TALIESIN: We’ll set up a proper camp.

SAM: I’ll take watch with Keg.

ASHLY: Great.

LIAM: Before I go to sleep, I do the silver
thread.

MATT: First watch is you two. Do you wish to
combine your perception checks for this watch, or

take them individually?

ASHLY: No.

MATT: Roll individually.

SAM: 13.

ASHLY: Ten.

MATT: First watch manages to go by. You both keep
a very sharp eye out in the distance. Nothing

seems to catch your attention, though the night is
getting quite cold. Towards the end of your watch,

snowfall begins to slowly descend upon the
northern valley.

SAM: Chilly. Sure glad I have all this booze to
drink to keep me warm. Wouldn’t you like some?

ASHLY: I have 200 pounds of pure muscle. I never
get cold.

SAM: Well, it tastes good, though. So there’s
that, too.

ASHLY: Why you trying to cozy up to me?

SAM: I’m not trying to cozy up to you! I think we
got off on the wrong small feet.

ASHLY: You mean when you bared your teeth at me
four times?

SAM: I have to bare my teeth at everyone! Look at
these things, they’re huge!

ASHLY: You have no choice?

SAM: No, I have very thin lips, very long teeth,
some would call them fangs. It’s not my fault.

When I smile, it looks like I’m trying to bite
your throat off.

ASHLY: Show me?

SAM: (snarls)

ASHLY: Ooh.

SAM: And I like tongue. I was eating some tongue
when you saw me.

ASHLY: Oh, I forgot about that. I thought you were
coming on to me.

SAM: No! Oh god, no.

ASHLY: Well, you don’t have to be that
disgusted.

SAM: You’re a handsome woman, but– you’re a
woman, right?

ASHLY: Yes.

SAM: Okay, good. Just making sure.

ASHLY: Just because I have a five o'clock shadow,
doesn’t mean I’m not a woman.

SAM: I don’t know! I don’t want to presume
anything.

ASHLY: All right, I’ll have some booze.

SAM: All right, here you go. You know, it never
runs out.

ASHLY: It doesn’t?

SAM: No.

ASHLY: Huh.

SAM: Special trick. So, uh, who got took? Who are
you missing?

ASHLY: Oh, that’s where this conversation stops,
friend.

SAM: No! What? I thought we were getting to know
each other.

ASHLY: That’s a big gun to pull out right after
you gave me a little bit of libation.

SAM: All right, did you go to school?

ASHLY: Fucking guess, detective. Do you think I
went to school?

SAM: Hmm, I would say no.

ASHLY: Yeah. Accurate.

SAM: Did you have a happy home life growing up?

ASHLY: I grew up in Shadycreek Run. Everyone’s
favorite pastime there is stabbing people. No. I

didn’t have a nice… growing up.

SAM: Hmm. I’m trying to think of a topic that’s
less charged. Do you have a favorite sports team

you like?

(laughter)

ASHLY: We could talk about Iron Chef.

SAM: Iron Chef? I love Iron Chef. Never mind.

ASHLY: Sorry.

SAM: I just thought, well–

ASHLY: Yeah, I know. You’re trying to be nice.

SAM: No, I just thought if we knew more about your
situation, it would maybe lead to clues that would

help us track down, or know the weaknesses of
these Shepherds who stole or killed your friends.

If we knew the circumstances around their untimely
demise.

ASHLY: I know the Shepherds well.

SAM: Were you one of them?

ASHLY: No. I wasn’t. I just know them well.

SAM: Did you go to high school– no, you didn’t go
to school– Hmm, everyone else is snoring.

ASHLY: They’re well known. Everyone there knows
them. There’s no way to not know them.

SAM: All right.

ASHLY: So you’re not trying to chat me up so much
as you’re trying to siphon information.

SAM: I’m doing what any good detective does, which
is just lay the groundwork for the case–

ASHLY: Under who?! Who considers you the greatest
detective?

SAM: Jester. Jester’s one of the folks that got
stolen. Together we were a dynamic duo of mystery

solving. We could solve any mystery. Find any
criminal mastermind, no matter how nefarious. We

had all the tools, all the insights, all the
instincts! It was amazing. We were a well oiled

machine and then… she was taken. And now it’s
just me.

ASHLY: I’m guessing she had most of the brains of
this duo.

SAM: I resent that.

ASHLY: I’m sorry. I’m sorry your friend got taken.
I’m going to try to help get her back.

SAM: All right. Well, I’ll try to help you get
revenge on your vague past.

(laughter)

ASHLY: You don’t have to say it like that, I’m
just not much of a sharer!

SAM: Sure, sure. How about you tell me one fact
about you and I’ll tell you one about me?

SAM: Something you haven’t told anyone. It’ll be
like a game! And we’ll each take a shot.

ASHLY: Shot first.

SAM: Here you go. (pouring noise)

ASHLY: Uh… My friend was a slave. Was enslaved
by them… By the Shepherds. So?

SAM: I’m a pretty good dancer!

ASHLY: I thought we were doing like some deep dive
shit!

SAM: I didn’t know!

ASHLY: You were asking me some deep dive
questions! You’re going to fucking give me the

dancer shit?

SAM: I didn’t know! I thought we were going to
start small and then build!

ASHLY: No, because you set the precedent of asking
a serious question and then you gave me the shot–

SAM: You gave me the heaviest shit first though!

ASHLY: That’s what you wanted, I thought!

SAM: Of course!

TALIESIN: (yelling) We’re trying to sleep for
gods’ sakes!

LIAM: (hoot owl call)

SAM: Well, this has been fun.

MARISHA: Yeah, I’m up too. Molly, you want to take
next watch?

TALIESIN: Let’s take the next one.

MARISHA: All right.

ASHLY: Yeah, I’m going to fucking bed.

MATT: All right. So, Molly and Beau taking the
second watch, would you mind deciding who’s making

perception checks, please?

Taliesin: Want to both go for it?

Marisha: Yeah.

MATT: All right, both roll.

MARISHA: 13.

TALIESIN: Nine.

MATT: Okay. As you guys go to bed, the both of you
keep an eye out for the rest of the evening. For

the rest of your watch, at least; and seemingly
uneventful.

TALIESIN: Want to gamble?

MARISHA: I’m not much of a gambler, you’re
thinking of Jester.

TALIESIN: No, I’m not.

MARISHA: What?

TALIESIN: This is a game we used to play.

MARISHA: What?

TALIESIN: Take my cards, set the deck down. Put a
question on the deck, whoever draws the highest

card has to answer it.

MARISHA: Wait are these like playing cards or
tarot cards?

TALIESIN: Tarot cards but they have numbers.

MARISHA: You know I fucking hate those things.

TALIESIN: I know.

MARISHA: I don’t want anything to do with them.

TALIESIN: I’ll throw one out there for you. What’s
the best lie you’ve ever told?

MARISHA: The best lie I’ve ever told?

TALIESIN: I’ll give you mine if you give me yours.
Whoever gets the highest has to tell.

MARISHA: Hmm…

TALIESIN: Or whoever gets the lowest has to tell.

MARISHA: All right, deal.

TALIESIN: Let’s roll d20’s, see whose number is
lower.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Let me flip to my backstory.

(laughing)

MARISHA: Just in case here.

TALIESIN: You can be a little vague with it. You
don’t have to be… I rolled very high.

MARISHA: Natural twenty.

TALIESIN: Seventeen, shit.

ALL: Ooh.

LIAM: You played yourself.

TALIESIN: I did.

MARISHA: This one has a pretty big number on it.

TALIESIN: Shite. Best lie I’ve ever told… I
pretended to be royalty for three weeks. For a scam.

MARISHA: That’s fascinating, what kind of scam?

TALIESIN: I was– Just a little while after I had
gotten my consciousness sort of sorted out, and we

got into a town and figured out that we could
actually get some nice digs and they were seeing

if I could maybe bullshit my way through it, and
it was kind of my test. So I pretended to be a

reincarnated royalty from across the sea.

MARISHA: Wow.

TALIESIN: Yeah. (laughing)

MARISHA: That’s pretty fascinating.

TALIESIN: That was a lot of fun.

MARISHA: Do you not like knowing your past, that
way you can have multiple backstories? Be multiple

people at once?

TALIESIN: I like knowing that because it’s not
there that it doesn’t matter? And it helps knowing

I don’t think it matters for anybody. I don’t care
where anybody’s from, it’s nice. I certainly don’t

care where I’m from.

MARISHA: I’ll tell you one of my best lies, the
one I was most proud of.

TALIESIN: I pour– I pass the drink.

MARISHA: Just because it was a pretty good one.

TALIESIN: That’s usually how this rolls.

MARISHA: Yeah. There was a politician in the town
where I grew up that I didn’t like very much.

TALIESIN: Politician?

MARISHA: Didn’t like his wife, either. Wanted to
find some dirt on them. Pretended to be a house

hand for them, a little handyman. Found some dirt,
found out they were cheating on each other and

destroyed their relationships and their lives.
Maybe I shouldn’t be proud of that actually.

TALIESIN: No, no I’m very impressed, actually,
that’s– you are a good friend to have and a

terrible enemy to make.

MARISHA: Yeah… anyway.

TALIESIN: To not quite being the worst people.
Cheers.

MARISHA: Cheers.

TALIESIN: Night.

MARISHA: Just maybe don’t have a job that relies
on relationships, either.

TALIESIN: That’s very fair.

MARISHA: Public opinion–

TALIESIN: They really had it coming.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: The rest of your watch goes uneventful,
leaving to Caleb the final watch.

LIAM: I’ll take this myself.

MATT: All right. Make a perception check. Actually
you and Frumpkin can both make separate ones, I’ll

let you do that.

LIAM: Good. Frumpkin got– I’m going to use my cat
stats, because I don’t have owl stats handy.

MATT: I can pull those up pretty quick.

LIAM: Oh okay, good.

SAM AND TALIESIN: Cat stats. (musical riff) Cat
stats!

MATT: All right, so that would be a plus one.

LIAM: Eleven.

MATT: That rely on hearing or sight, so you have
advantage on it though, because the owl does have

keen hearing and sight.

LIAM: Thirteen.

MATT: Thirteen, okay. Looks like this watch is
uneventful as well. You guys had a clean night.

LIAM: Okay, so, sitting in the silence, are any of
these people awake, that I can tell?

MATT: They all seem pretty asleep.

LIAM: Look at the lot of you. Look at these
people.

I should go right now. I don’t know you at
all. Look at this one. He’s like a walking

rainbow, what is this? Why are you with him? It
makes no sense. He’s a circus performer, he’s not

going to help you. This one you told everything
to, to try to get into a library. You learned

nothing. On your gamble, you failed. You’re
stupid. Smart as you are, you’re stupid with this.

She could cave in everything. This three that have
been stolen: yeah, they’re nice. Two of them.

One’s weird. One of them tried to kill you. The
other one, she’s adorable, but– Stupid. This one

here. What do you expect to do with her? How is
she going to help you do what you want to do? She

can watch your back–

MATT: (hooting)

LIAM: I know. Don’t worry, you’re fine. She’s as
much a liability as anything else. You know you’re

fucking mad when you’re gesticulating this much.
You should just go. You have told too much. I am

going to go. It’s time to go. He sits there for a
solid five minutes. Then two hours. Wait for

everyone to wake up.

MATT: Your watch comes to a close just as the
morning light begins to crest into the sky.

There’s a mild break in the clouds on the eastern
horizon over the Ashkeeper and the Dunrock

Mountains. You’re still getting a mostly cloudy
sky, but there are occasional bits of morning

light, faint light blues and yellows, and soft
white. The snowfall that has come throughout the

evening and packed up the very chilly cold night
is beginning to faintly thaw, but it is still a

very cold morning. As you all begin to come to
consciousness and gather your things, the clouds

close once more, and you look off towards the
northeast side of the valley and you can see

another darkened cloud coming with more snow and a
less forgiving turn of weather. Although it’s a

ways off, you can see it this far away. You pick
up your things, horses at the ready. Do you

continue your journey? Anything you want to do
before you head off?

MARISHA: I do my morning push-up and pull-up
routine.

TALIESIN: Squats.

MARISHA: And then I’m ready to go.

MATT: Okay. You have to set two horses side by
side and use your staff there to give you pull

ups. There’s not any trees here, but you manage to
pull it together.

MARISHA: Dope as fuck, yes I do.

LIAM: She can do it on the road.

MARISHA: Holy shit you guys I just figured out how
we can save 30 minutes.

MATT: On the road while you’re– You’re just Chuck
Norris-ing it between the two horses. (galloping noises)

ASHLY: It goes without saying that Keg is
aroused.

LIAM: You should do that Arnold monologue from
that documentary, (Schwarzenegger voice) “You know

"when I am with my– I am coming. And then when I’m
working out I am coming always.”

MARISHA: (Schwarzenegger voice) I feel like I’m
always coming.

MATT: (Schwarzenegger voice) Always pulling up.
Always.

TALIESIN: That’s a deep callback, wow.

MATT: Pushing on at what pace? I imagine
continuing at your hurried pace?

TALIESIN: Ja.

MATT: Pushing on for the remainder of this day,
who is keeping watch?

TALIESIN: I’ll take a round.

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: Go ahead and roll perception for me,
please.

TALIESIN: Minus five?

MATT: Yes, minus five because you’re traveling at
fast pace.

TALIESIN: Natural 20. 23, minus five is–

MATT: Still an 18. That’s good. About three or so
hours into your journey, Molly, you look up ahead

and you can see a cluster of horses and a couple
of carts heading your direction, heading

southward.

You’re not quite there yet, but you’re
getting close to where the direction you should

continue on breaks off of Glory Run, but you’re
still on the road. You do see a small caravan

making their way southward in your direction.

TALIESIN: Once they get a little closer, let’s
slow down and walk to the side of the road and

take a look at this.

MATT: Okay. You guys move off to the side.

ASHLY: Can I tell from looking at the cart if
there’s anything off about it?

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: It’s got five wheels.

ASHLY: 17.

MATT: Glancing off, as you approach, you begin to
make out details. You do not recognize this

troupe, and the cart seems like there are tarps
and cloths laid over large bundles. They are

obscured from view specifically so the contents
cannot be seen, which is not what you’re looking for.

ASHLY: Okay.

MATT: They don’t want anyone to see what’s under
the tarp, which is not the usual operation that

you’ve seen. The folks that travel southward,
they’re dressed like normal traveling merchants:

not of a wealthy regard, but those who probably
bring common supplies, things from the northern

side, bringing them southward. It looks like they
have supplied up for a trade run and they’re

heading southward. As they ride past you guys to
the right side, they give a nod.

SAM: Caleb, should I go check them out?

MATT: The next rider gives a nod.

ASHLY: They’re not who we’re looking for.

SAM: Oh, okay.

ASHLY: You can if you want to.

SAM: Are they suspicious?

ASHLY: Not from what I can see.

TALIESIN: What kind of traders do they look like?
What are they trading in?

MATT: With the perception roll you made, it’s hard
to see because they’ve covered it specifically.

You can see underneath edges and pieces that are
pushing out, and the shape in places. It looks

like they’re bringing farming supplies. It looks
like they’re bringing possibly grains and foods.

It looks like things that would be easy pickings.
They’re not the kind of people that can defend it, so

it’s maintain mystery and keep pushing.

SAM: All right. We can go.

MATT: Okay. You continue on. On this next leg of
your journey, we’re riding on your perception roll

off the road, your natural 20. I’ll let that stand
for a bit. The pace that you’ve been keeping on

this without being kept by your cart has gained
you quite a bit of ground and about another two

hours or so into this afternoon, your eyes catch
another cluster of carts facing the same direction

you are.

ASHLY: Can I make a perception check on this one?

MATT: You may.

ASHLY: 15.

MATT: It takes you a moment of getting close and
you’re about, I’d say, a quarter mile back from

this troupe. You can see the familiar two larger
carts, one smaller. It stinks of familiarity to you.

ASHLY: This might be them.

MARISHA and SAM: What?

MARISHA: Did we catch up to them?

ASHLY: We may have.

SAM: Caleb, look at this picture of you in
Jester’s book. It’s really funny.

ASHLY: It’s not the time, Nott!

SAM: Oh, no?

MARISHA: We shouldn’t clue them off that we’re
here.

TALIESIN: No, let’s slow our pace.

MARISHA: Okay. Maybe a couple of us could flank
around? What’s the terrain?

SAM: They’re moving, right?

MATT: They’re moving, yeah.

ASHLY: Can your owl see if there’s a big human
man, fighter-looking guy?

LIAM: Bigger than average-sized man, you mean?

ASHLY: Yeah. He’s pretty surly, intimidating
looking. He might have a half-elf with him.

LIAM: Well, we’re about to get into it, yeah?

TALIESIN: I think we should wait until they start
to set up camp. They’ve got to stop at some point.

SAM: We don’t even know who they are yet, though.

MARISHA: What time is it?

MATT: It’s mid-afternoon at this time. You’ve been
traveling since shortly after daybreak, so it’s three

o'clock in the afternoon. You have another hour or
so before you hit your eight hour mark and your

horses start tiring and you start tiring.

MARISHA: We’re nowhere near Shadycreek?

MATT: You’re a couple days’ travel or so from it
at this pace.

TALIESIN: They’re going to have to camp.

LIAM: I’ll tell you what I do is, I dab my thumb
into my belt for a bit of sweet oil and I rub it

on my bottom lip and mutter an arcane word or two
and say: I suggest you tell us any details you’ve

been holding back about these people so that we
are fully prepared. That is a Suggestion spell.

MATT: Yes, it is. I’m going to have to ask you,
Keg, to make a wisdom saving throw, please.

ASHLY: Nine.

LIAM: No.

MATT: That is not a success. You feel, strangely,
though it is out of character for your intent,

magically compelled to offer up a fair amount of
information that would seem useful in the coming

scenario about these individuals.

SAM: We love our guests. We love them.

ASHLY: There should be five of them. The leader’s
name’s Lorenzo. He’s a human. This is weird. Ruzza

the half-elf sorcerer. Protto, shitty little
halfling rogue. Dwelma is a half-orc druid woman.

How much more do I have to tell?

MATT: As much as would seem useful for this.

LIAM: It was details that would help us in the
situation.

ASHLY: I have to say everything?

LIAM: You’re compelled to say anything that’s
useful in what we’re about to do with these

people.

MATT: Yes. Interpret that as you feel necessary.

LIAM: Any other details that you’ve been holding
back that would help us in this situation.

MARISHA: Lorenzo is a fighter type?

ASHLY: Yes.

MATT: You do know that he walks with this
nasty-looking glaive. It’s a polearm with a large

hooked blade at the end of it that he uses as both
a symbol of station and a very dangerous weapon,

if need be. Gives him reach, gives him range.

ASHLY: I tell you about that, and Juam. She’s a
human barbarian. She’s not as bad as the rest of

them. That’s all I know.

LIAM: No magic?

ASHLY: There’s a sorcerer.

TALIESIN: And a druid.

MATT: You’re pretty sure there’s a sorcerer,
you’re pretty sure there’s a druid. You don’t know

a lot about magic stuff, but you know one of them
seems to be more nature-based and the other seems

to throw spells, but is cock-sure and
charismatic.

TALIESIN: Do you know anything about the cages
they keep their prisoners in? Are they magically

enchanted or are they just cages?

ASHLY: They’ll look like normal trade from the
outside. They’ll look like they’ll be shuttling

around food, innocuous items, but there’s a
magical obfuscation over them.

LIAM: The ones with the arcane ability look like?

ASHLY: The half-elf and the half-orc are the ones
that are magical.

LIAM: What color is the half-elf’s hair?

ASHLY: I don’t remember.

MATT: The half-elf is a very short, pointed pixie
cut that is ashy blonde.

MARISHA: What was the name of the rogue again?

ASHLY: The rogue is Protto.

MARISHA: Protto.

ASHLY: And I lied, Nott. I used to work with
them.

LIAM: That is a pretty big matzo ball.

ASHLY: Yeah. I’m not proud.

TALIESIN: I sort of figured. I figured everyone
else figured at this point, really?

SAM: I definitely deduced that from our
conversation. It’s not surprising to me in the least.

LIAM: I take people at their word.

TALIESIN: I do, too. But, you know, people say
things.

SAM: I lied too. I’m an average dancer.

(laughter)

ASHLY: So we’re even Steven.

TALIESIN: How bad are the terms that you’re on
with these people?

ASHLY: Pretty bad!

SAM: Want some more booze?

ASHLY: Yeah. Shot, shot, shot. Yeah, not great.

MATT: The spell comes to a close now because you
have fulfilled the suggestion.

ASHLY: Ah, you guys are assholes.

SAM: We told you that.

TALIESIN: That’s fair.

SAM: We said that multiple times.

ASHLY: Can we see if it’s them?

SAM: Yeah, how? Can you go owl it out?

LIAM: Yeah, lay low.

TALIESIN: We’re starting to get a plan.

LIAM: I plant my hand on Nott’s head and go into
Frumpkin’s eyesight and send him up there.

MATT: Okay. Frumpkin takes off and begins to coast
at a fair enough distance to keep an eye down. Make a

perception check for Frumpkin with advantage.

LIAM: Advantage, you say?

MATT: Yeah, he’s an owl still. Owl has keen sight
and hearing.

LIAM: Yeah! Owl rolls, yeah! 20.

MATT: Frumpkin, getting a nice view from this
distance, makes out that there are three carts.

There is a figure at each cart. The two larger
ones have two horses at each front, the third one

has one horse. There is a rider on each of the
horses, or at least there is a rider on the

smaller horse and there are two that are sitting
at the front of the carts that are currently

holding onto the reins of the other two. You do
see, sitting next to the individual at the reins

at the front, a very thick, muscular man, bald
with tattoos across the back of his head–

MARISHA: This is our fucking guy!

MATT: With the glaive resting at the side, staring
ahead. Everyone else seems to have hoods up and

are trying to keep their image obfuscated.

LIAM: All but Lorenzo?

MATT: Lorenzo, he has a cloak on and stuff, but
right now he has the hood back. You really don’t

see anybody catching their attention. He seems to
be enjoying the air across his hairless head.

LIAM: It’s good. It’s true, shaved head. The wind,
it’s good.

MATT: You see seven figures.

MARISHA: Wait, in the cages?

TALIESIN: There’s no cages, they’re magically–

ASHLY: I assume you communicated all of this to
us?

SAM: Yeah, he usually narrates as he sees.

ASHLY: Okay.

TALIESIN: With his very dulcet tones.

LIAM: Sure, this time he does.

SAM: Sometimes you do.

LIAM: Sometimes I do, lately.

ASHLY: We can’t attack them like this.

SAM: Why not? There’s five of us and–

ASHLY: There’s seven of them!

SAM: We have an owl.

TALIESIN: I have a plan. It’s a bit of a crazy
plan. They’re carrying the means of their own

undoing. If we can free whoever is in those cages,
we get a lot of allies.

ASHLY: We don’t know if it’s your friends.

TALIESIN: Anybody in there I’m sure is going to
have feelings towards these people.

ASHLY: Look.

MARISHA: So we wait until they camp?

TALIESIN: I like waiting until they camp and
coming in at night.

MARISHA: What were you going to say, Keg?

ASHLY: When they take people, they break them. So
if you’re counting on whoever’s in those cages to

help, they’re not going to be able to. It’s going
to be five versus seven, even if we attack at night.

MARISHA: Like mentally break them?

ASHLY: Both.

MARISHA: Fuck.

MATT: As far as you know, most of that process
happens once they take them back because usually

it’s a grab and run type scenario. But they do
usually have them manacled, hogtied manacle style

and gagged.

TALIESIN: If we can just get into that cage and
untie them without them noticing.

SAM: At night, maybe after they’ve camped.

LIAM: This is our best chance because we don’t
want them to get to their destination because then

they are surrounded by many friends.

SAM: Or a fortress or something.

LIAM: Yeah. Now is the time.

SAM: Should we just continue to follow them for
now or attack right now in the broad daylight?

ASHLY: How far are they from Shadycreek? You said
two days?

MATT: About two days, yeah.

ASHLY: Okay.

MATT: Two days at your pace, probably three days
at theirs.

ASHLY: Okay.

TALIESIN: Wait until the sun sets right before
they go to sleep.

SAM: Oh! We know where they’re going. We know
where they are. Why don’t we ride ahead of them–

MARISHA: And set up an ambush?

SAM: Yes!

MARISHA: That’s a damn good idea.

ASHLY: I like that.

TALIESIN: I could be into that.

LIAM: That is wicked.

MARISHA: I wonder if we could do a little bit of
both. Free the people in the cage and then ambush

later? Nah, that seems distracting.

TALIESIN: Ambush. Free people. All one big thing.
I’m sure they’re not used to being attacked by

people who actually know what they have.

ASHLY: You actually had a good idea for once.

SAM: Thank you. I’d better get drunk, then.

TALIESIN: Let’s full-speed blow past them, just
nod and keep moving.

SAM: On the same road? We’re not even going to go
around?

LIAM: No, wait until they sleep. We’re going to
follow at a distance and then when they bed down

for the night, we leave and then skirt around.

TALIESIN: All right.

LIAM: I like this.

TALIESIN: This is a good plan

LIAM: Well done Nott, well done.

MATT: All right.

(laughter)

MATT: So keeping your distance behind them, pulling
your pace back to just the normal, even slow pace,

it’s up to you. Probably normal to keep in pace
with them.

MARISHA: At a medium pace.

MATT: It was going to happen eventually.

SAM: You’re gross, Marisha.

MARISHA: I’m the worst.

MATT: About a few more hours, sundown hits, we’ll
say for the purposes of the narrative here. They

pull off to the side of the road and begin to set
up camp. Keeping an eye on this in the distance,

you watch them. Keeping far enough away, making
sure you’re not in eyeshot of them, as part of

that, I will say two of you helm a stealth check to
see whether or not they see you on the road behind them.

TALIESIN: Yeah, it’ll be the two of you.

MARISHA: Helming a stealth check?

SAM: Why don’t you look at that dodec?

MARISHA: Well, I already have it, I just haven’t
used it yet.

MATT: Well, it lasts for a day.

MARISHA: Do I still have it? I don’t have it. Oh,
but I can look at it again!

LIAM: Of course you can. This is why I say you
shouldn’t just hand it over. Just save it for the

moment.

MARISHA: I thought I might have needed it on the
thing, but I rolled a natural 20 on my sack check.

MATT: All right, you take your fragment of
possibility. So… go ahead and roll.

MARISHA: Do I have to call that I’m going to use
advantage on it before or I can roll and then choose?

MATT: It’s afterward. You can roll it and then
choose to. It’s like a luck point.

MARISHA: Don’t fuck me, Gil. Yeah, it’s 20 total.

SAM: Wow, mine’s 19.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: (whispers) Should I do it again?

MATT: You guys stay back and watch as they pull
off and make camp. With that, as the cover of

ever-encroaching night becomes your ally, you
begin to arc around on the opposite end of the

road going behind one of the larger hill grades,
which manages to hide your horses as you speed up

and take off ahead. To do this, it’s going to cost
you an hour of pushing past, so everyone make your

constitution saving throws please.

SAM: 12?

ASHLY: 15?

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Oh, that was almost a natural 20, but
instead it’s five.

TALIESIN: You still have your mote, you can use it
now.

MARISHA: Are we going to rest on the other side?
It lasts a day. Are we going to sleep on the other side?

SAM: Maybe.

MARISHA: Yeah? I’m going to save it. Five.

TALIESIN: All right, 18.

SAM: This one’s aroused, who knows what’s going to
happen.

(laughter)

LIAM: Six.

MATT: All right, so Beau and Caleb, you both take a
point of exhaustion. So you’re going to have

disadvantage on ability checks.

LIAM: Better constitution than Vax, though.

SAM: Oh, interesting.

MATT: All righty. So, pushing forward on this, you
come to a point– how far ahead of the road of

them do you want to set up your ambush?

SAM: Well, we would want them to get going in the
morning, right? But not immediately get ambushed,

like settle into a little bit of a pace for an
hour or two.

MARISHA: It’s got to be just long enough to where
they’re zoning out.

LIAM: One hour in. 90 minutes.

SAM: Yeah, somewhere around there. A couple
miles.

TALIESIN: We’ll stop when we see somewhere that
seems advantageous.

SAM: Yeah, that’s the key.

TALIESIN: If we see something–

SAM: Oh, it’s dark now, right?

TALIESIN: Yeah, but we’ve got night vision.

MATT: 60-foot. Maybe.

TALIESIN: Anything that we were going to do would
be near the road anyway.

MATT: Right. So who’s taking a look for a good
ambushing point?

MARISHA: Not me, I’m tired.

ASHLY: I will.

SAM: Ooh!

MATT: So roll for disadvantage because it is
night. Even though you have night vision, it’s only

a short distance.

ASHLY: Perception?

MATT: Correct.

ASHLY: Seven?

MATT: All right, you find a place–

(laughter)

MATT: I mean, it’s a road. So you guys have an
evening to– what do you want to do for your

ambush?

SAM: We need to plan the ambush.

MARISHA: We need to plan.

SAM: We don’t have a cart to block the road with.

MARISA: We don’t have a cleric who can Hold
Person.

SAM: What do we have?

ASHLY: Just someone with a lot of sordid history
with these motherfuckers. Skeletons in the

closet.

SAM: You could stand in the middle of the road and
distract them.

ASHLY: Yep.

MARISHA: That’s actually not a bad plan, just in
case.

LIAM: I would recommend– they will probably be
traveling pretty close together and I could slow

them down. Magically speaking. If you were to bait
them a bit and talk to them.

Then if we pick a trigger point I could cast
Slow… most of them, some of them would make it

through unscathed, but–

MARISHA: Would they kill you on sight if they saw
you?

SAM: What if we did like a–

ASHLY: I don’t know.

SAM: –like a Red Dawn thing? (laughing) We dug a
hole, and then we got in the hole–

ASHLY: You had one good idea.

SAM: –and they came over us and we popped out of
the hole and we grabbed onto the cart and we rode

under it and then we like chopped a hole in the
bottom of the cart.

LIAM: What does that have to do with the dawn?

SAM: It would be really cool!

TALIESIN: First: do we have any dynamite?

SAM: Oh! (pause) No.

MARISHA: We used it on the troll and it did
nothing.

SAM: Let’s figure out what we do have, though.

LIAM: We have acid.

TALIESIN: We have acid.

SAM: We have four vials of acid.

TALIESIN: Do we have enough Dispel Magic that we
could reveal the cart so we could see it?

LIAM: Dispel Magic?

TALIESIN: Yeah, like can you make magic go away?

LIAM: How would that… what?

TALIESIN: Magic. Have you never seen anybody do
this before? Just make magic go away?

LIAM: Yes I can, but what does that have to do
with the cart?

TALIESIN: They’re cloaking the cages. You could
maybe free the people inside the cages with your

magic hand thing that you do. And if their horses
die those carts aren’t going anywhere.

SAM: Oh! We could just kill all the horses.

TALIESIN: And then they’re stuck.

LIAM: We may have a split second to– you want to
try to get these people out immediately, that’s

what you’re saying?

TALIESIN: If they’re out, they’re helping us.

MARISHA: Horses aren’t a big threat, I would
rather focus on the people.

TALIESIN: But if we kill the horses, the cart
can’t leave.

MARISHA: Yeah, but if we don’t kill the people then
they can kill us.

TALIESIN: That’s fair, too, but they could try and
run.

MARISHA: These seem like people who are confident
in themselves–

ASHLY: They don’t run.

LIAM: It was two carts, you said?

MATT: Three carts, two larger ones and one
smaller.

SAM: We could just ambush the last one.

LIAM: I couldn’t tell from the aerial view, which
one– they’re all hidden, right?

MATT: All you saw was just goods in the back.

TALIESIN: They don’t drug their prisoners?

ASHLY: They tie them up and then gag them.

TALIESIN: They don’t drug them?

SAM: Do you have anything we could use?

ASHLY: I have an axe and a hammer. And three
javelins!

TALIESIN: One last question. How secure are these
carts, or do they just trust that nobody’s going

to get out of the hog tie?

ASHLY: They’re in cages.

TALIESIN: It’s cage, cage, cage? It’s not wooden
bottom, wooden top? It’s with bars? There’s no

weak point?

MATT: You haven’t inspected them for weak points,
you’re not the brightest bulb in the shed

necessarily when it comes to these things. They’re
cages, they’re made mostly of metal and they seem

to hold. They got locks.

TALIESIN: As long as we can pick some locks, untie
some ropes.

ASHLY: I think the main– (heavy sigh)– The main
person to worry about– so first of all, Protto is

the lookout. Disabling him, maybe, if you guys are
trying to be stealthy, would be helpful because

he’s got–

SAM: –we guys.

ASHLY: “We guys?”

SAM: You’re part of the team now too.

ASHLY: We guys. Dwelma is the creepiest and the
craziest, she’s the half-orc.

SAM: Druid.

ASHLY: Yeah, she’s pretty gnarly. I mean, they’re
all pretty awful, to be honest.

SAM: What’s our primary goal? Just to stop them
and prevent them from fleeing?

ASHLY: If we’re doing this now, we have to kill
them.

SAM: Yes, so we have to stop the path, right? We
have to block them from escape. How do we do that?

Do we fell a tree? Can we fell a tree?

LIAM: That is a good giveaway, though.

TALIESIN: Honestly, once the combat starts,
especially if you’ve got Fireballs, we can just

make sure those horses are toast.

MATT: Keeping an eye on the area as you’re having
this conversation, you glance around and there’s

an area not too far ahead that you can just see a
little bit of the moonlight breaking through the

clouds. The snow has not quite arrived yet. But
you can see there are these two small hills that

flank the sides of the road not far ahead where
you can see there are some boulders that protrude.

it looks like there is a tree stunk– stunk?–
tree stump and an old rotted tree that’s sitting

on another one.

SAM: We could fell the tree right on them as they
come by.

MARISHA: Ooh.

MATT: It’s not a very big tree. If it were to fall
it would just hit the side of the hill and be on

the side of the road.

MARISHA: How rocky are those hills in between?
Could we trigger a rock slide?

MATT: No, they’re not very high, they’re maybe
seven, ten feet tall at the highest? And it looks

like there’s been some erosion on the sides where
they’ve just slipped on certain edges.

MARISHA: Maybe using Keg as a distraction up
front–

ASHLY: They probably wouldn’t kill me on sight.
Lorenzo likes to make examples of people. So what

would you guys do if I bought you time?

SAM: Kill all the horses first so they can’t get
away?

MARISHA: Couple Fireballs.

TALIESIN: I could teleport into one of the cages
and start untying people.

SAM: Ooh, that’s pretty good. I could also Mage
Hand and start unlocking cages.

ASHLY: Is there a way that we could split them up
somehow?

SAM: Okay. How do you propose?

ASHLY: Not split them up necessarily, but have each
of them occupied.

MARISHA: Have just certain targets between some of
us?

LIAM: The best thing that I could do in that
department is Slow, hopefully, all of them down.

All of them, if they are closely grouped. If not,
I could hold one person.

SAM: If we’re trying to split them up, you could
just slow the last carriage further down the road

and they’d drift apart a bit, I don’t know.

LIAM: We could, but the way I would do that would
be with a giant, earthen cat paw, which would seem

out of the ordinary.

SAM: I see.

TALIESIN: With you at the top of one hill, if we
get you some cover, and you at the other hill, if we

give you some cover, giving you both some distance,
the three of us getting into the middle of it,

coming at them at all sides.

MARISHA: I could stun somebody depending on how
close I get. Maybe Lorenzo, try and square off

against him. Of course all the spell-slingers are
good to take out early as well.

ASHLY: I will say the half-orc has a weird liking
for Lorenzo, so just be prepared if he goes down

first that she’s probably going to go insane.

MARISHA: Maybe we focus on the druid and the
sorcerer?

TALIESIN: Always take out the magic users first.
And if we can get a few friends in whoever is in

those cages, for all we know that’s where they’ve
got our people.

MARISHA: I feel like if you could hold the
barbarian, keep the barbarian away… I could maybe

stun Lorenzo and focus down on the rogue and the
druid.

SAM: Do we have any other weapons or any other
special things?

TALIESIN: Is there a way to embed a spell into the
ground?

MARISHA: I have ball bearings.

TALIESIN: Me too.

LIAM: On a muddy road, probably not very useful.

TALIESIN: If they try and climb the hills towards
either of you, you can have some ball bearings to

help slip them back down.

SAM: I have a gun!

(laughter)

SAM: I stole a gun in the last town we were in. I
stole a gun, I have a gun!

TALIESIN: I’m going to take the gun.

SAM: No you’re not going to take the gun!

TALIESIN: I’m taking the gun.

SAM: No you’re not!

TALIESIN: I’m taking the gun.

MATT: Okay…?

TALIESIN: Dex?

MATT: Both of you make a dexterity check. Well,
this would technically be a grapple, so it would be

athletics for you–

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: –and then it would be athletics or
acrobatics for you.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, I’m screwed.

SAM: I’ll take acrobatics. It’s only 11.

TALIESIN: It’s fine, I’m seven.

MATT: Completely pulled out of your grasp.

TALIESIN: Does it even have anything in it?

SAM: I don’t know.

ASHLY: I’m just going to go out and say we’re
probably going to die, guys.

TALIESIN: We know.

MARISHA: I have rope. Can we set some sort of
tripwire trap?

SAM: Sure, sure.

MARISHA: Is that something you can do? You’re good
at finding traps. Are you good at setting traps?

SAM: First of all, I’m not good at finding traps,
but I’ve found a few and the ones I’ve found have

been rope based.

MARISHA: With that big swinging log thing!

SAM: I could do a tripwire… for the horses?

TALIESIN: There’s part of me that’s wondering if
we hid you in the downed tree if you could sneak

in and start working on the cages before they even
know there’s a problem.

SAM: Okay, so we fell a tree in front of the road.
They stop to move it. I’m in there, unlocking things.

MARISHA: We send Keg to distract. You go in–

SAM: They’ve already stopped, though.

MARISHA: –right, but if they try to go around it
or something. It’s just a tree.

SAM: Sure, sure.

TALIESIN: Between two hills.

MARISHA: That’s the name of this next chapter of
our journey, you guys.

SAM: Keg goes in to distract, Caleb kills the
horses.

MARISHA: No, you go in and try and get the people
out of the cage.

SAM: Yes, of course.

MARISHA: But wait, you can’t see the cages?
They’re magically cloaked?

MATT: They can’t see them, from what you know. From
what Keg told you, they’re magically cloaked until

you get there.

MARISHA: Until you get there. Maybe you have to be
close enough. You go in, try and get them out. You

come out, send a signal through Caleb that you’re
out, and then Caleb does a big Slow thing, slows

them down. We go in, punk their asses. We win.
We’re victorious.

SAM: (laughing) This is a great plan. The winning
part especially. Amazing.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: If we can pick the locks and untie
everybody.

LIAM: I am not going to destroy three horses in
one shot.

MARISHA: No, with Slow. Slow.

LIAM: I thought we talked about horses as well.

TALIESIN: We don’t need to slow the horses. We
have a tree. If we want, we have a–

MARISHA: No, we slow the people. Hang on, let me
go through this again. We fell the tree. We send

in Keg. Keg distracts. We send in Nott. Nott tries
to pick the locks to the cages. Get the people

out. Nott runs. Nott sends the message to Caleb.
Caleb does the Slow spell on the party. We go in,

we kick ass, we win, we’re victorious. I just said
that 30 seconds ago. Did you guys get it this time?

LIAM: They come upon a tree and somebody–

SAM: Are you aroused?

ASHLY: Yes.

LIAM: They come upon a tree in the road and a
woman that they despise now, and that is not

suspicious because?

TALIESIN: We could put her under the tree.

MARISHA: No, it is suspicious, but it’s
distracting.

SAM: Ah, help, I’m under a tree! Also, you hate
me.

TALIESIN: If you find somebody bleeding under a
tree, that’s not ridiculous. Tree fell, you

happened to get hit. Good luck.

MARISHA: That’s dumb. Maybe she’s standing on the
tree and she’s like, “I’m a badass with an axe and

"a hammer and I took down this tree and now I’m going
to take down you.”

TALIESIN: We could put you on top of the tree if
you feel like you want to have some words with

these people.

LIAM: I am not demanding anything, but my counter
proposal is that I walk 500 yards back along the

road, put the silver thread across the road so we
know they are coming, spend a few hours hiding

ourselves at the tops of these hills, waiting.
Nobody is in the road.

TALIESIN: I’m all right with that.

LIAM: We wait until they are just below us. I cast
Slow on them, and then we murder them.

MARISHA: Then we win, we’re victorious. Same
plan.

SAM and MARISHA: Same plan.

TALIESIN: You guys work on people–I still think
opening the cages is going to be a good call.

We’ll see what happens.

LIAM: Well, unless we hear a feasible plan for
doing that first–

MARISHA: Okay, okay. Plan A–

LIAM: I say we kick them in the goolies as hard as
we can from the beginning.

MARISHA: Plan A, you do that. We try to slow them.
If that fails, you’re our distraction.

ASHLY: All right.

SAM: I’m going to dig a hole just in case. This
Red Dawn thing.

TALIESIN: I’m all right for this plan.

LIAM: Actually, I mean, that is a good idea. Could
we spend an– I’m going to go set my thread across

the road. Could you make hiding places for all of
us, Nott?

SAM: Sure. On the tops of the hills, and then one
for me right in the middle of the road under the earth.

ASHLY: Do I have a sense of what they would do,
were they to reach Shadycreek Run? If they would

disband at any point, if they would stick
together, where they would take–?

MATT: No, from what your experience would be, they
would probably go to the hideout, to their little

homestead deeper into the Savalierwood. They would
drop off their payload and celebrate, probably,

for an evening of revelry, and then come back the
next day to begin the process of preparing them

for delivery, which involves breaking them.

ASHLY: Presumably, there are people in Shadycreek
Run who would love to see them dead.

MATT: Presumably. There are also people that
would–

ASHLY: Would help them?

MATT: –would help them. They have allies.

ASHLY: Okay.

MATT: I mean, they’re working for one of the tribe
families, so yeah.

ASHLY: Okay.

NOTT: All right.

LIAM:I have seen both of you vanish, so if you put
in a little bit of time and elbow grease, you can

either find places on these two hills that are
conducive to us hiding or create those situations

with grass or something, I don’t know how to do
it.

SAM: Yes, absolutely. Let’s do it.

MARISHA: Let’s do it.

SAM: Crafting party.

LIAM: I’m going to tell Frumpkin to go in the sky
and watch and head up the road a ways to set that alarm.

MATT: To set the alarm. Okay. I’m going to pull
out the map of the location so you guys can plan

out positioning.

MARISHA: Oh, snap.

SAM: But you can’t know the map because we just
came up with this ambush plan tonight. There’s no

way that you would have foreseen something like
this happening.

MATT: Well, the location of hills, if you were to
use that one. I have multiple–

LIAM: If he were human, Sam.

MATT: I have multiple maps prepared depending on
where things happen.

MARISHA: He’s a witch, Sam. You know this. He sees
the future.

MATT: I have multiple maps with different
scenarios.

SAM: Can he float?

TALIESIN: He did move four or five maps into this
building today under cover of tarp.

SAM: Day?

MARISHA: It wasn’t that undercover. It was Max
going, “No cast is allowed in here for ten

"minutes!” It wasn’t that stealthy. You weren’t
here for that.

SAM: I wasn’t.

TALIESIN: I walked in the green room at one point,
and it was literally the, “No, Mom! Private time!”

SAM: We have a green room?

ASHLY: I was going to say.

TALIESIN: It’s that weird room with the weird hair
salon stuff.

SAM: Oh, the makeup room.

MARISHA: We should get a mapmaking sock for him.

SAM: Are we going to do a studio tour at some
point?

MARISHA: We are. We wanted to film it this week,
but we got super distracted with building the studio.

ASHLY: (laughs)

SAM: You know, one of the things about the makeup
room is it has those hair salon sinks where you can get

a haircut in it or get your hair washed in the sink.

MARISHA: Taliesin wants to get rid of it.

SAM: Can I get my hair washed in one of those?

MARISHA: I want to so bad.

TALIESIN: Anybody who wants me to shave their
head, I’ll do it.

SAM and ASHLY: Ooh.

MATT: This is the scenario that you’ve found.

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: This is the path heading in a north
direction. These are the two hills. This is the

tree. How would you like to set this up? How do you
want to do this?

TALIESIN: (indecisive sound) It’s less of a tree than I was
hoping for.

MARISHA: Nott and I look for the best elements of cover.

SAM: Can we move some of those bushes up? Up on
top of the hill? Can we snap some twigs and make

the bushes bigger?

MATT: I could see you probably do something like
that, sure. You have a little bit of time.

SAM: Yeah, fluff the bushes a little bit.

MATT: So where are you going to fluff the bushes
up here? Like what are you doing? Point it out to me.

SAM: Yeah, let’s do that.

TALIESIN: Here’s your paintbrush. Sculpt.

SAM: Oh my god. We’re Minecrafting.

MATT: (laughs)

SAM: About there.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: I’m so proud you know what that is.

SAM: And we’re going to do that over here a little
bit.

MARISHA: That’s good. That’s good.

SAM: This thing can’t move, right?

ASHLY: We’re strong. I’m a beefy boy.

MATT: You can try. You can certainly try.

ASHLY: Should I roll something?

MATT: Make a strength check. This would be
athletics, actually. So make it athletics, because

this is you, not just lifting it, but also
bringing it along.

SAM: Holy shit.

ASHLY: 19.

MARISHA: Oh, she’s fine.

MATT: You begin to drag it, actually. You watch as
this burly dwarf woman with a five-o-clock shadow

that is now coming into actual faint stubble grabs it–

SAM: It’s like Rocky IV.

MATT: –begins just dragging it through this big
groove in the ground as you pull it over. Where do

you want to put it?

ASHLY: Is anybody else aroused?

SAM: –in the middle, or should we– I’m aroused.
Sam Riegel is.

MARISHA: You beat me to it. I’m aroused.

SAM: Should we put it here, to narrow the passage?

ASHLY: Yeah, that’s a good idea.

SAM: Okay.

ASHLY: I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that.

TALIESIN: You can also dig a hole right underneath
it too so you can hide–

ASHLY: And the shrubberies?

MATT: And you have this tree here.

SAM: Is this thing hollow at all?

MATT: That tree is actually somewhat hollow. Not
completely all the way through, but there is an

alcove in it where some of it has rotted out.

SAM: That’s where I’ll hide. Tomorrow.

MATT: All right. So Nott, I’ll go ahead and mark
you as– this will be where you’re hiding, just as

a note there.

SAM: Caleb, any other terraforming we want to do
over here?

TALIESIN: We want to push the tree over, don’t we
want to give it a good shove?

SAM: Are we–

LIAM: As Caleb comes back from setting the Alarm
spell, tell me what you have worked out so far. I

set the Alarm spell and I took a wee over that
way.

ASHLY: (laughs)

SAM: We added some bush up here and up here– to
hide in, so then one person can hide here, one

person can maybe hide here.

MATT: I’m excited. We’ve been gone for two weeks.
I’m like, let’s do this.

ASHLY: (laughs)

SAM: We moved this over and it’s got a little nook
in it, so Nott can stay in there.

LIAM: That’s great.

SAM: But we have this tree here. Do we want to
knock over that tree and block the path?

MARISHA: You have an awesome axe, right?

ASHLY: I do.

TALIESIN: We also have a– no, we left the axe.
Never mind.

LIAM: I think that we don’t want to gild the lily.
That log is good–

MARISHA: I enjoy gilding lilies.

LIAM: –and it makes–

SAM: How tall is this tree, Matt?

MATT: That tree is maybe 15 feet, 20 feet?

SAM: So it only–

MATT: Actually, that one would be 20 feet tall.

LIAM: If you come to a road and there’s trees
along it, your dander goes up. You’re on guard.

MARISHA: You would think, there was a tornado that
came through here.

SAM: How about this? If I may. This log that we’ve
set on this side, what if we set it on this side

over here–

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SAM: –and then we weaken the tree in case we need
to tip it over–

LIAM: Yeah. I’m in favor of that.

SAM: –and block the other half.

ASHLY: Should I lift again? Or am I just going
to– okay great.

MATT: That you can do.

SAM: So now we can weaken this tree, maybe, with
some chops and then–

TALIESIN: Yeah, you can do that angle–

SAM: –it can block the other half.

TALIESIN: –you can do that angle so that you can
just hit it and know which side it will fall to–

SAM: Sure.

ASHLY: Do I have to roll anything–

LIAM: You can stick a branch in there–

ASHLY: –to smack it with my axe?

SAM: To controlled–

ASHLY: To controlled smack it with my axe? I’m so
powerful.

MATT: You can certainly try.

ASHLY: What do I roll?

MATT: Go ahead and roll an athletics check for
this one.

LIAM: And Nott’s trap making skills for help?

MATT: Just–

ASHLY: 15.

MATT: 15, okay. So you’re able to carve into it,
and use your knowledge of where to hit properly

and where the strength should be applied, you
manage to cut a few wedges into it. It begins to

move slightly, and you’re like, now’s the time to
stop.

ASHLY: Nice.

TALIESIN: Um, just for– no, that would be too
much. I was about to say, I could make a bullshit

trip wire, that when the tree went down, it would
tighten a rope. It would pop it.

ASHLY: Hmm.

SAM: Interesting.

TALIESIN: It would be rope on the ground. I don’t
know if it would hide in that.

ASHLY: Yeah, it might be too obvious.

TALIESIN: It might be too obvious.

MARISHA: I think the best trap we have is Keg
standing behind the tree.

TALIESIN: Let’s, just for fun, I’m going to have
some of our hemp rope already tied around this

rock, with just a big mess of it ready to go, so
if we need it, we’ve already got one anchor point.

SAM: Do we want to do any digging? Any mudding?
Anything else? Is this our ambush?

MARISHA: Where are you going to hide?

SAM: Me?

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: I’m going to be in the log, someone’s going
to be up here in bush one, someone’s going to be

in bush two.

MARISHA: I’ll be in bush two.

SAM: Someone will be behind the tree.

ASHLY: I’ll be behind the tree.

SAM: Caleb, where are you going to be?

LIAM: I am going to be way ahead, behind these
bushes, because what I’m going to contribute I can

do from far away and I can be knocked down like
that, so.

MARISHA: Molly, are you taking bush one?

TALIESIN: I’ll take bush one.

MATT: Okay, so Molly, you’re going here?

SAM: Wait, I thought Caleb was the Bush Man.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Caleb’s going to be all the way back
there.

MATT: Beau?

MARISHA: I’m bush two.

MATT: Bush two here?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: All right. Beau’s going to be here.

MARISHA: These are great codenames.

MATT: And you’re going to be behind the tree?

ASHLY: Yeah.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: Do we have a signal as to when we go?
You’re going to do the Slow spell, and then we

fuck shit up.

LIAM: I’m going to have to improvise. If they can
all be clumped together for the best, but I’m

going to wait and I’m going to call it in the
moment, if there’s two together and not three, I

will go for two. If all three are together, great.

SAM: Just dry run it here, dry run it.

MARISHA: Dry running it.

SAM: Okay. The cart’s coming, it gets slowed. “Oh,
what the fuck’s going on?”

TALIESIN: It gets slowed when it reaches a log.

LIAM: Oh, I thought they were coming from the
other direction.

MARISHA: No, this way.

MATT: That’s the north side.

TALIESIN: I was going to say, either that or you
hid up a rock.

MARISHA: Do you want to tradesies with Molly?

TALIESIN: Once the first caravan passes the log.

SAM: Then Slow it? But it doesn’t stop, it just
slows.

TALIESIN: Does it just slow, not stop?

MARISHA: Yeah, well, it’s called Slow, not Stop.
If it was a Stop spell, it would be called a Stop spell.

LIAM: The horses will slow, the people will slow.

SAM: So right here, it slows. They’re like, “What
the fuck’s going on?”

ASHLY: We saw that Lorenzo was in the leading
cart, right?

MATT: The leading cart, yeah.

MARISHA: How far is your distance?

TALIESIN: I think we want to be a little further.

MARISHA: Okay, so, further.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: I think we want to try and get the Slow
spell off after it’s past the log, right?

SAM: They’re already past us, then. We’ll stop
them.

MARISHA: No! Because I’m here, I’m here, Caleb’s
here, you’re there. Because this will make them

funnel, which will gather them for Caleb’s spell.

LIAM: And a row of carts, though, not a group.

MARISHA: What?

LIAM: It will make for a train, which will not get
them all within what I need. Maybe two of them.

MARISHA: Why don’t you tradesies with me, then?

LIAM: They’re still on a road, they’re still
probably going to go, well. The risk of a straight

line of them.

ASHLY: How big were they? Would two, three of them
fit in that space?

MATT: The carts are about that wide.

ASHLY: Okay.

MARISHA: How wide is your spell?

MATT: They’d be going through one at a time.

MARISHA: Okay. It’s a 40-foot radius?

ASHLY: Do we want them to go through one at a
time?

LIAM: It is a 40-foot cube.

SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: A cube? I mean, it’s a 40-foot cube.

TALIESIN: They’ll always be in a line.

LIAM: Maybe. It’s dicey. It’s right on the cusp,
probably, for two or three. Two is better than

none, slowed down.

TALIESIN: If the front one is slowed down then
they’re all going to be slowed through there.

SAM: Or we do this, we slow them or whatever, and
then–

TALIESIN: And now they’re ready for a fight.

SAM: Then they get here, “Oh, crack!” Or maybe we
stop them first, crash, stop, everything stops,

then we hit them with Slow.

LIAM: That’s great, but they’re still in a line.

MARISHA: Why would they be in a line? You’re just
assuming they’re going to be in a line instead of

clumped together.

LIAM: That’s awesome, excuse me, that is fucking
wunderbar. That is wunderbar if they were all

clumped together, but I’m going to give it a 50/50
chance of them being in a line.

TALIESIN: If you slow the first cart, then the
other two behind it are not going to be able to go

any faster, either.

(metal clanging)

SAM: Oh, fuck!

ASHLY: Then we should probably wait until they’re
deeper in, and we can attack them, right?

LIAM: That is true. If they’re in a train, we wait
for cart number two to be in that bottleneck, and

then I try to get the first two. The third one’s
not going to go anywhere. What we’re losing is–

the more of these assholes who you used to be a
part of are, it’s not just the carts, it’s them.

They can do less to us if I hit them. But you
know, it’s not perfect. There’s no perfect situation.

SAM: So should we let one cart go first, and
then?

LIAM: Yeah.

ASHLY: I think so. The second cart in the
bottleneck is when we should go.

TALIESIN: And then we can push the tree on the
first cart. That’ll be fun.

LIAM: Oh, that is a lot of fun.

SAM: On the first cart?

LIAM: Ja, on the first one.

MARISHA: On the first one, you Slow the second
one. We attack, we win. Still winning is part of

this plan. I just want to make sure that that’s
clear.

LIAM: Thank you, Mr. Sheen.

MARISHA: Yes.

SAM: So the first thing that happens is the trunk,
the tree.

LIAM: Correct.

ASHLY: Yes.

SAM: The second thing that happens is Slow. The
third thing that happens is I pop out of the tree trunk–

MARISHA: Look for our friends.

SAM: Which cart are they going to be on?

ASHLY: Do I know that?

MATT: You have no idea.

SAM: Which should I start with? The small one or a
big one?

TALIESIN: The first one, since it’s damaged.

ASHLY: Yeah, there’s no way to know. If you go on
the third, then you might be less likely to be seen.

TALIESIN: Or the first one would be more engaged
with us.

ASHLY: Or that.

SAM: Did I give you a scroll of Invisibility?

MARISHA: Oh yeah, who has that shit? Yeah, you do,
don’t you?

TALIESIN: If you’re invisible, you could maybe
help get everybody out.

SAM: Could you use it on me? Or would that ruin
your books?

LIAM: No, it won’t ruin my books, it’s just. I would
only be able to use it this one time, then it’s gone.

MARISHA: Because you haven’t transcribed it?

LIAM: Do you have any paper? Yeah. It would be
gone either way.

TALIESIN: You wouldn’t be able to commit it to
memory and then rewrite it later?

MARISHA: You’re out of paper?

LIAM: (sighs) No, I mean, I do have a very
near-perfect memory.

TALIESIN: But it’s near-perfect.

LIAM: Near-perfect.

MARISHA: But you’re out of paper?

LIAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: How long does Invisibility last?

SAM: An hour?

MATT: I think it lasts for an hour, or until–

LIAM: But there’s no Slow if there’s Invisibility.
Oh, but it’s a scroll.

MATT: Yeah, it ends for a target that attacks or
casts a spell. But it’ll last for an hour

concentration, yes.

LIAM: I’m popping out of my German accent. If I
cast a concentration spell and then I use a

scroll, does it drop the concentration check on–

MATT: Yes it does. It’s still you concentrating on
the spell.

LIAM: I think Slow is more beneficial than
Invisibility.

TALIESIN: Sure, but if you use the scroll once we
hear the bells, then we’ve got an hour. Your trap

goes off, your little alarm goes off,
Invisibility, then you wouldn’t drop Invisibility,

that’s not concentration.

MATT: They both are.

TALIESIN: Oh, then fine.

MATT: You can only have one or the other.

ASHLY: When is the trap going off? When does the
alarm go off?

LIAM: When they cross the finish line. I’ve set a
silver thread across the road and if they move

through that– Anyone but us who walks through that
line will set it off and I will hear.

ASHLY: But they won’t hear?

LIAM: No, no, no. It’s in here.

MARISHA: And how many feet ahead did you set that?

LIAM: I wanted to do–

MATT: It’s like 500–

LIAM: No, I wanted to do more than that. Let’s say
200 yards.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Meters.

TALIESIN: I like this plan. It’s ridiculous.

MARISHA: So are we doing Invisibility or no?

TALIESIN: No.

MATT: Are you guys happy to pull the trigger on
this?

LIAM: No, I am in favor of Slow over Invisibility.
I want to kill them.

MATT: Okay then.

LIAM: Sorry.

MATT: You have your placements. You’ve set the
scene. The evening requires some rest, if you’re

to prepare for this by the morrow.

MARISHA: Yeah, I need to rest, I’m exhausted.

MATT: So, you set up a small camp here, without
light? Without fire?

LIAM: To confirm, step one is tree goes down on
cart one, if it’s that way, right? Slow happens,

you can get a sneak attack in if it’s an ambush.

SAM: I’m not going to attack, I’m just going to
jump on a cart in the fracas and try to find a

cage or two.

LIAM: And everyone else is going to start
whaling.

SAM: On people. On magic users.

LIAM: And that was a blonde pixie cut and a
half-orc? A bald half-orc?

MARISHA: The sorcerer is the half-elf.

SAM: Can you?

TALIESIN: There we are.

SAM: That’s my voice, Ashly.

ASHLY: It’s so beautiful.

SAM: Up there, in bush land, are you going to be
able to do anything?

MARISHA: Yeah, I can move 40 feet, my speed. I’m
pretty quick.

SAM: But that would get you on the cart with the
bad guys. You can’t just rain down terror from above?

ASHLY: That’s true, are any of us doing ranged
attacks?

TALIESIN: We’re not ranged people.

SAM: I’m ranged.

MARISHA: I’ve got some pretty dope mobility.

TALIESIN: And you can do stuff once Slow’s cast,
you can also do other things once it’s rolling.

LIAM: Sure, I can dispel any magical stuff going
on in the cages shortly after, or improvise and

switch to long range destruction.

TALIESIN: If things look like they’re trouble,
we’ll just go with it.

LIAM: Ja, the plan will fuck up I’m sure, but we
will scrap through, or die. Rather than choose who

we’re going to attack in the moment, I saw through
my owl the half-orc with his hood down is a bald

man. I would say let’s look for that one first.

ASHLY: That’s the leader, that’s Lorenzo.

LIAM: That’s Liam, not Caleb. Everyone else was
hooded, so we don’t know.

MARISHA: I think Lorenzo is going to be a problem,
because he has reach, and he’s a leader.

LIAM: I would say then that whichever one reveals
them first, either half-orc or woman with a

pixie cut, whoever reveals themself first, we’ll
say that is the one that we all target at the same

time. We focus our attention to one and kill them,
and they are out of the picture, instead of

splitting between two.

MARISHA: If we find that half-orc, druids tend to have
healing abilities.

LIAM: Ja, but if they don’t reveal themselves
first–

MARISHA: I’m just saying, if they reveal
themselves at the same time.

TALIESIN: Go for the druid first?

LIAM: Correct. That’s wise.

TALIESIN: All right. That’ll do. We’ve got a
plan.

MATT: You’re setting up camp without fire for the
evening? Or are you lighting a fire for warmth?

ASHLY: I feel like we shouldn’t.

MARISHA: I feel like we shouldn’t, either.

SAM: We’ll huddle together.

MARISHA: We share body warmth by all spooning in a
chain.

TALIESIN: We do set up the tent.

MATT: You set up the tent behind the hill. You
spoon for warmth.

ASHLY: I hate it.

SAM: Who’s Lucky Pierre? Who’s in the middle?

TALIESIN: Aren’t we all?

LIAM: Probably Mollymauk.

TALIESIN: I’m very cold, but yeah, that’ll work.

MATT: You muster through an evening of
uncomfortable but necessary closeness, which, it’s

a very cold night. A faint bit of snowfall greets
you in the morning. Not enough to coat the place

in white yet. It’s these soft little flakes making
their way down. A ways up on the road, a few miles

out, there is a front of gray heading your way. It
looks to be a wall of snowfall that probably is

going to be coming about mid-day or so in your
direction. There’s some mist in the distance. You

come to; you shake it off. You’re a bit stiff from
a night of not necessarily comfortable rest, but a

long rest is had. You lose your exhaustion points.
As you take a moment, Caleb, the bells go off.

SAM: They’re already here.

LIAM: Up, up!

MARISHA: Do I still have the dodecahedron?

MATT: You do, if you want. You would have to redo
it again. Whoever wants to do it has to do it now.

MARISHA: I toss it to Nott.

SAM: I look in.

MATT: Okay. You guys aren’t treating it like a–

LIAM: It’s totally whippets.

MATT: Whippets from Xhorhas. This is great.

LIAM: No, every time it’s magical and very
special.

TALIESIN: I imagine it’s a whippet that looks like
the Matrix of Leadership from Transformers.

(singing) “You got the touch!”

LIAM: Anytime Caleb does it, he sees all
timelines, but in the interest of brevity–

MATT: As you guys are in your places, the first
cart comes up.

TALIESIN: Are we really doing this now?

SAM: Before we go, I’m going to whisper to Caleb:
Caleb, if anything goes shitty, I’m going to throw

my flask of oil on the first cart. Light it on
fire.

LIAM: Understood.

MATT: All right. As this one comes through, you
notice the person who’s guiding it is your friend, Protto.

SAM: Clarota?

ASHLY: Protto.

TALIESIN: Wrong timeline.

MATT: Continues to push it along, and they
separate as they see the coming pinch of the road.

Behind that, you see the central one. This has the
one figure that you don’t recognize who’s driving

the cart, and walking alongside it is Lorenzo.
This one begins to continue forward, and this

pushes forward as well.

SAM: Oh shit! I’m so scared.

MARISHA: Me too. I’m so scared.

SAM: Hold me, Ashly!

MATT: On the sides of this, there is the half-orc
druid. That’s Dwelma, and Ruzza, who’s the

half-elf.

MARISHA: That’s the sorcerer. These are the two
magic users.

MATT: In the back is the small singular cart
that’s being ridden by one figure, and there,

helming the end, is Juam, the human rage-filled
warrior, the one that you’ve had the better

experience with.

MARISHA: The barbarian is a human?

MATT: Correct. Pushing forward until about there.

SAM: Come on, Keg.

ASHLY: Okay. Am I doing this?

MATT: Are you doing this?

ASHLY: I’m felling the tree? Okay. Is this a
strength check?

MARISHA and SAM: (chanting) Keg, Keg, Keg!

MATT: Roll a strength check.

ASHLY: That is an 18.

MATT: The tree immediately falls forward off the
side, snapping at where it was left.

SAM: How did you have that?

(laughter)

MATT: Actually, all of these tree pieces were sent
by our friends at Steamforge as gifts. I was like,

“I get to use these at some point,” and you guys
are using them tonight. Falling and snapping right

at the front half of the cart, breaking through.
I’m going to give Protto an attempt to try and

dodge out of the way. He succeeds with a dexterity
saving throw, because he’s quite dexterous. He

jumps back into the front of the cart, and you
watch his lower half vanish as he stops there.

ASHLY: Am I revealed, or am I hidden by the
stump?

MATT: You don’t know. Actually, that’s a valid
point. I’m going to have you guys all roll stealth checks.

TALIESIN: With advantage, because we had time?

LIAM: In advance, you mean?

MATT: Yeah, I’ll say in advance.

ASHLY: Am I at disadvantage? I’m not moving,
though.

LIAM: Yes, Vax die, yes!

ASHLY: 12.

LIAM: 19.

MARISHA: 20.

SAM: 18.

TALIESIN: 20.

MATT: All of you are pretty stealthy, except for
you. As the tree falls onto the ground, all the

horses suddenly rear up, and you’ve actually
broken where the horses are attached to that cart.

The axel snaps.

LIAM: That was my trigger.

MATT: At which point, the carts back up at this
point. There’s a shout in the back and you hear

Protto go like, “Boss, what is–” At which point,
you’re doing what?

LIAM: Slow, and I will target these four assholes
right here, I think I can get in one go, probably.

40-foot cube.

MATT: First, for the sake of order here, because
we are engaging in a series of aggressive actions,

let’s all roll initiative, please.

SAM: Ah! Is that cocked? I can’t tell if that’s
cocked. I need a ruling from– oh, it fell.

LIAM: Roll again.

MARISHA: Add my boots.

TALIESIN: Pretty good.

LIAM: Miss the Percy mega-initiative?

TALIESIN: Yes. I didn’t even really understand how
good I had it. I was so used to being okay no

matter what, even if I rolled a one.

MATT: First order of business here for initiative.
I’m going to sit down for this one real fast,

write it down. 25 to 20, anybody?

SAM: 21.

MARISHA: 20.

TALIESIN: I’m so glad you’re first. That’s great.

MATT: Beau and Nott up first. 20 to 15?

TALIESIN: 18.

LIAM: 14.

MATT: 14, you said, Caleb?

LIAM: Ja, vierzehn.

MARISHA: A lot of bad guys there.

MATT: That brings us to–

LIAM: Evil party, evil party.

MATT: What’d you get?

ASHLY: Eight. I’m rolling poop on initiative.

SAM: Hey, don’t leave! We might be ending now!

MATT: As the tree snaps and hits, he shouts back.
Immediately the group looks out at all sides,

taking this as a means of assault, Lorenzo
glancing over and directly locking eyes with you,

Keg. There’s a look of taken aback and surprised.
Before any reaction happens, though, you do get

your action. You are casting Slow, you said?

LIAM: Indeed I am. Molasses goes across my hand
and I draw my hand down through the air, and I

focus on these four, if I can. It’s a 40-foot
cube, putting this one in a corner.

MATT: How many can you target with this?

LIAM: Up to six in a 40-foot cube.

MATT: Up to six? That’ll be quite a lot. You can
get all of these guys, if you want to.

LIAM: All of them?

MATT: Well, let’s see, because it’s (counting) 40,
yeah. This whole section here.

LIAM: Well, you know, fuck it. Let’s also get this
horse.

MATT: There’s six people there.

LIAM: Oh, there’s six of them? Oh, wow, yes!

MATT: There’s the one who’s helming this horse,
the one who’s helming these horses, the back of

the cart, and then those four.

LIAM: Yes, never mind. I didn’t think we were
getting all of those people. Good. All of the humanoids.

MATT: For the two thugs that are on the horses,
two and a three. Natural two and a three. They are

both slowed.

TALIESIN: What does Slow mean, by the way?

LIAM: Half speed, negative two to armor class, no
reactions, and they can either do an action or a

bonus action; they can’t do both.

TALIESIN: Oh my god, that’s amazing.

LIAM: They can attempt to cast a spell, but–

TALIESIN: That means you can attack and then
disengage for free. That’s amazing!

MATT: Ruzza does not succeed. Ruzza is slowed.

MARISHA: Ruzza, the sorcerer! Did the druid save?

MATT: The druid does save. The barbarian– the
barbarian does not save.

MARISHA: The druid saved, Dwelma.

MATT: And Lorenzo– that is a 17. Saves.

MARISHA: That’s pretty dope, though.

MATT: This all happens. Combat has begun. Starting
at the top of the combat order: Beau, you’re up first.

MARISHA: No, Nott is. Nott rolled a 21 and I
rolled a 20.

MATT: Oh! Got you. I put them in the wrong order.

SAM: We’re starting this? I don’t know how I’m
going to get on this fucking cart! How am I going to

get on this cart? I’m not invisible!

LIAM: Your charisma, Sam! Your charisma.

SAM: All right. I’ll run past Lorenzo. As I run, I
will dump all my oil on him.

MATT: Okay, that’s your action.

SAM: Yep, that’s my action.

MATT: (splashing) He looks at it, sees you dart
by.

SAM: Bonus action disengage.

MATT: Okay. He can’t make an attack of opportunity
on you.

SAM: And jump into the cart and start doing this.

MATT: This big one there?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: You dart in, and as soon as your vision
comes through, you come face-to-face with a metal cage.

SAM: Oh, shit!

MATT: Right there in front of you. For you who can
watch, the back half of Nott is still visible. The

entire cart is filled with cages. Front to back.

SAM: They’re invisible cages?

MATT: The cages are blanketed by some sort of
illusion.

SAM: The part of me that hit the cage is now
invisible also?

MATT: Correct, but just the front half. It looks
like Nott vanishes partway through, like you’ve

stepped through part of a doorway. On the inside,
you see a very sweaty human man who is gagged and

leaned up against the cage like, (whines). He
looks up towards you.

SAM: That’s all I’ve got.

MATT: That’s all you’ve got.

TALIESIN: Can you get a little bit more around
the– or is that all your movement?

SAM: I’m sure I pushed as far as I could.

MARISHA: Okay. I’m probably more than 40 feet away
from the druid?

MATT: You can just get to the druid at 40 feet.
(counting) You do have to get down there.

MARISHA: Sweet jump.

MATT: Make an acrobatics check.

SAM: Come on, this is what you live for!

MARISHA: It is what I live for! Ten!

MATT: You manage to land without losing your
footing. You get right up to the druid there.

MARISHA: Oh, fuck. Okay. Two attacks. First
attack, okay! That’s a natural 16, plus seven is

21. Right? 16 plus seven?

TALIESIN: 21.

MARISHA: 21, and that’s eight damage.

MATT: That is.

MARISHA: I’m going to spend a ki point to do
Stunning Strike.

MATT: That is a natural 15 plus three is 18.

MARISHA: That really sucks.

SAM: You’ve got ball bearings!

MARISHA: I do have ball bearings. Take my second
hit.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: That’s 20 total.

MATT: 20 total? Okay.

MARISHA: Yeah. Another eight damage. I’m going to
spend another ki point to try Stunning Strike again.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: What was that, plus three?

MATT: 15. What’s the DC?

MARISHA: 14.

LIAM: Nope.

SAM: It’s a perfect plan.

MARISHA: I’m burning through so many ki points.

SAM: It’s now or never.

MARISHA: I’m going to spend one more ki point to
do Patient Defense because I’m probably going to

need it now.

MATT: Okay, going into defensive mode. That
finishes Beau’s go.

MARISHA: Three ki points! Burning them out.

SAM: Ki questions.

MATT: All right. It’s now Ruzza’s turn, who is
slowed.

LIAM: If you attempt to cast a spell with a
casting time of one action–

MATT: It doesn’t go off until the next turn.

LIAM: Right.

SAM: Wow, Slow is the best!

MATT: Ruzza’s going to step back, looking towards
Lorenzo, and goes, “Boss, this is so weird.” It’s

weird to hear this slowed-down, deeper voice
coming out of this female half-elf, but

nevertheless, here we are. As she steps away and
begins– She does give a bit of bardic inspiration

to Lorenzo, because she’s technically not a
sorcerer.

SAM: Not a sorcerer?! You got it wrong!

MATT: That’s as much as you know.

TALIESIN: Is that a bonus action, though? You have
to do an action or a bonus action, you can’t do both.

MATT: Oh, that’s right! So they’re not doing
that.

LIAM: Read the cards, people! Read the cards!

TALIESIN: No dubstep today. No wub wub.

MATT: Still saying that phrase, but not in an
inspirational way. Is going to cast, glancing over

in your direction as the source of it.

LIAM: Knew where I was? My stealth was that
shitty?

MATT: Once you cast the spell you reveal yourself,
buddy. That’s how it works, unfortunately.

SAM: The cover of bush?

ASHLY: He’s bushman!

SAM: Yeah, we had him all bushed.

LIAM: I’m going to die. It’s fine.

MATT: This is going to be– Yeah, let’s do some
Hypnotic Pattern. Why not?

SAM: He’ll resist it.

MATT: He begins (slow incantation) and slowly
backs to here, getting up on the hill, climbing to

get some better visual perspective over the
battlefield. That’s going to end Ruzza’s turn,

Molly, you’re up.

TALIESIN: I look at Keg and: You got that one?

ASHLY: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Right. I’m going to start my movement.
I’ve got 30 feet of movement. I can get almost to

the edge of this mountain, right?

MATT: You can get right there.

TALIESIN: That’s 30 feet?

MATT: That’s 30 feet there.

TALIESIN: Then I can teleport how far?

MATT: 30 feet.

TALIESIN: Can I get to flanking?

MATT: Flanking? To there, you mean?

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Yeah, you can do that.

TALIESIN: Is that way more than– I have a 30 foot
teleport, right?

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Is it possible to do it halfway through
my movement so I still have two steps that I can

take? No, never mind. Eff it, I’m good. I’m not
going to fight it. I’m going to take two attacks.

SAM: Yes!

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: I have advantage.

MATT: You do.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: I assume you had your rites prepared.

TALIESIN: Both are up.

SAM: Come on, motherfucker!

TALIESIN: Yeah, that’s 19. Yeah, that hits. The
first one is awful: seven points of damage.

MATT: Seven points of damage? All righty.

TALIESIN: Second one is 16, 17, yeah, that’s 16
plus seven.

MATT: That hits, roll damage.

TALIESIN: That’s better. 12 points of damage.

MATT: 12 points of damage! You’re carving through.
She’s not slowed by the impact of the spell and

taking these wounds, hurting her quite a bit.
She’s not horribly maimed, but is starting to show

some wear from the strikes that she’s suffered.
That ends your turn. That brings us to Lorenzo. Hmm.

SAM: Wow, we stumped him.

MARISHA: I know, so quiet!

SAM: The only good plan that we’ve ever made is
without Travis and Laura here. Let’s make that clear.

MARISHA: I’m still stoked on our– was it
Umbrasyl? The frost dragon?

TALIESIN: That was pretty solid.

SAM: Are you doing a throwback right now?

MARISHA: Yes, I am.

LIAM: Vorugal was the frost. Umbrasyl was black
acid.

MARISHA: When Vorugal fought Yenk.

MATT: Lorenzo, watching you and your friends,
shouts out in your direction and goes–

LIAM: Slowed.

MATT: Well, he’s not slowed.

LIAM: Oh, he saved.

MATT: “Keg! I don’t know what you’re trying here,
but I think the line’s been drawn.” He’s going to

step over here, pushing through the horses,
leaping over in the direction of where Nott is

there and is going to shout out, “Hey! Move
aside!” and holds his hand out in front of him.

That’s going to end his turn.

SAM: Oh no.

LIAM: He’s casting!

SAM: He can cast?! I thought you said he was a
fighter! Your information is the worst!

ASHLY: I’m not very smart!

MATT: Protto is currently like freaking out by
this, sees this all happening, narrowingly missed

the tree slamming into him, goes and pulls out his
bow and nocks an arrow into it and is going to

take a shot. Let’s see, the one he saw dart that
way’s going to be Molly. He’s going to fire at Molly.

TALIESIN: He’s going to have a hard time doing
that. Disadvantage.

MATT: What’s the range on it?

TALIESIN: Of my Blood Maledict?

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Let’s see. I’m not looking at the right
thing. Where is it?

MATT: Is it a 30 or 60 foot range?

TALIESIN: Blood Maledict!

MATT: For your Blood Curse of the Eyeless?

TALIESIN: Yeah, it’s 60 feet!

MATT: 60 feet? Yeah, that’ll do it!

TALIESIN: Amplified.

MATT: Amplified, so disadvantage on– He gets two
strikes.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I take a lot of damage for that.
Five points of damage.

MATT: First one with disadvantage is going to be
16 to hit? What’s your armor class?

TALIESIN: For fuck’s sake! 15.

MATT: 15, so that hits. Because you’re adjacent to
an ally of his, he gets sneak attack bonus on that.

TALIESIN: God fucking damn it!

SAM: Rogues are the worst.

MATT: That’s going to put him–

LIAM: Slash the best!

MATT: To be fair, it’s a shitty sneak attack roll.
That’s a total of 14 points of piercing damage

from the first arrow into your shoulder.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: The other one is going to be–

TALIESIN: Did he get disadvantage on the other
attack as well?

MATT: He did, yeah.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: 16, on this one.

SAM: Oh!

TALIESIN: 16?

MATT: Because it was an 11 and a ten he rolled
and it’s plus six on his attacks.

TALIESIN: Okay, so they both hit.

MATT: Okay, the other one just deals six points of
piercing damage.

SAM: Oh, that wasn’t damage. I thought that was
damage, okay.

MATT: He’s going to jump off and move over here,
up onto the top to get a good view since he’s a

ranged guy with his arrows. He’s keeping down and
getting ready for that.

MARISHA: No, I ran over there. I’m fighting the
druid!

SAM: Oh, you ditched. That’s fine.

MATT: That’s going to go ahead and– that was his
action surge and everything, so he’s done. Next

up. Bear with me, guys. There is a lot going on
right here.

SAM: Yeah, there’s 12 players.

MATT: Caleb, your turn.

LIAM: We’re back to me?

MATT: Yeah, you had the ambush round technically
because it was the trigger, Slow, and then

everything happened at once. The tree triggered
the ambush seeing you, so the only one who got a

round off was you for the spell.

LIAM: I cast Dispel Magic on the cages or I could
attack the person about to attack me.

MARISHA: Who’s going to attack you?

LIAM: That’s what I would do. I will use the Glove
of Blasting to fire on the person attacking me.

SAM: Which one?

TALIESIN: The one on the hill.

LIAM: The one on the hill.

MARISHA: The sorcerer.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, go for it. Roll for attacks on that.

LIAM: Yeah, three of those.

MATT: Minus two to their armor class.

LIAM: First one does not hit, that is a 12.

MATT: Goes wide.

LIAM: Second is– Sorry. 17?

MATT: 17 hits.

LIAM: Oh, it was 16 on the last one! Does that
hit?

MATT: That would hit!

LIAM: Thank you! The third one definitely misses.
That’s a two plus eight, that’s ten.

MATT: Okay, so two hits. It’s 4d6.

LIAM: 4d6.

MATT: Not a bad opening round.

LIAM: Not that great. Ten damage, fire damage.
They have to make a constitution save?

MATT: Yes. To maintain?

LIAM: Oh, they were casting an attack. Well, I
don’t know what they were casting.

MATT: They still have to make a concentration
check to see if they can finish with their

casting, yeah. That is a 13 plus two. That is a
15. So yeah, they’re fine.

LIAM: Yeah, they’re fine.

MATT: Is that the end of your turn, Caleb? Staying
where you are?

LIAM: I will lie down flat on my back.

MATT: Okay! You go prone? Caleb goes prone. Okay,
now it’s the thugs’ turn. They are slowed, so they

can’t move too far. This one is going to move
back. That’s as far as he can move, and he’s going

to pull out his crossbow and he gets one shot,
because of the Slow spell. He’s going to take it

towards you, Caleb, with disadvantage because
you’re so far away.

TALIESIN: And prone.

MATT; Yeah, you’re still within the minimum
distance, so with disadvantage regardless. That

is, with disadvantage, a 13. What’s your armor
class?

LIAM: Shield. It doesn’t hit.

MATT: The bolt goes wide. This guy here is also
slowed. He’s going to attempt to back away.

SAM: Do the horses get an attack of opportunity?

MATT: They do not. He’s going to attempt to use
the edge of the tree for some cover as he takes a

shot at Beau.

MARISHA: Disadvantage.

MATT: Yep. And that is going to be a 13 again!

MARISHA: Miss, yeah.

SAM: We’re still alive!

MATT: Now it is Juam’s turn, who is slowed, and
right here, next to Caleb, is going to take a

strike at you. Not technically– only gets one
attack, so the first one would’ve been 12.

TALIESIN: Yeah, nope.

MATT; Spends 15 feet of movement backing away
there, as the boss said. You do get an attack of

opportunity if you’d like to take it.

TALIESIN: I used my reaction.

MATT: Oh, you did! That’s right, you do not.

TALIESIN: Do I still have a second Blood Maledict,
by the way, this round? I can spend another round

doing it. I know we changed the rules slightly. At
fifth level, do I get two uses or just two options?

MATT: I’ll have to double check.

TALIESIN: All right. When we get there.

MATT: That’s the two thugs’ turns. That’s Juam’s
turn. Keg, you’re up.

SAM: All right, Keg! Kill them all in one turn!
From 45 feet away.

ASHLY: I feel like narratively, Keg is actually
pretty freaked right now. Is it weird to ever give

yourself disadvantage on things narratively?

MATT: No, it makes sense! We’ve all done it to
some degree.

LIAM: It’s Sam’s raison d'être.

ASHLY: Okay, so I’m going to give myself
disadvantage on everything I’m going to try to do

this turn, because seeing Lorenzo again I think
has really freaked Keg out.

SAM: He is covered in oil, which makes him kind of
sexy.

ASHLY: I’m aroused and scared?

MATT: Which, the armor that Lorenzo is wearing–
you’ve seen it before. It’s studded leather, but

it’s straps and hooks. The theme of it resembles
very much elements of his profession, or at least

reminding you what he does. So the oil weirdly
does make it strangely erotic. It’s your turn, you

have 25 feet of movement, so that’ll only get you
about five squares of movement.

ASHLY: Okay, I’m going to run. I’m going to run–

SAM: Away?

ASHLY: Away.

SAM: Jesus. Ugh, you’re the worst!

ASHLY: I’m roleplaying!

MATT: Are you running towards the action or away
from it?

ASHLY: I’ll run towards this– no, I’m going to
run towards those horses. I’m going to run that way.

MATT: Make an acrobatics check to leap down.

ASHLY: Terrible. Awful. Five.

MATT: Okay, so you lose the last five feet of
movement. That’s your movement there.

ASHLY: My javelin can’t go very far, right?

MATT: Your javelin has a pretty decent range. Does
it have the ranges next to it in the app? That’s

okay, I have it here. The javelin– it’s 30 and
120 feet. So it can go 30 feet without

disadvantage and 120 feet with disadvantage.

LIAM: But you said everything’s at disadvantage?

MATT: So you might as well.

ASHLY: Might as well, yeah. So is Protto within 120
feet?

MATT: Protto is. Right up there on the hill,
getting his arrows nocked.

ASHLY: Okay. I hate him definitively, so I’m going
to throw at Protto. With disadvantage. Five.

MATT: Completely passes over.

ASHLY: I can use my bonus action to move again? Or
no, I can’t.

MATT: No, you can’t. That’s where you are. You can
take another javelin attack, because you have

three javelins.

ASHLY: I’ll try again.

MATT: You get one more swing at him.

ASHLY: No. Doesn’t work. That’s terrible. I won’t
even bother.

MATT: Both javelins miss. You’re shaken by this
experience.

TALIESIN: You did throw two javelins at an
irritating creature, so that’s good.

LIAM: Get the nerves out. Get the nervousness
out.

MATT: It’s now Dwelma’s turn. Dwelma is going to
cast Dispel Magic.

MARISHA: Does that mean I get to take an attack on
her?

MATT: Not unless you have the War Caster–

MARISHA: Mage Slayer?

MATT: Mage Slayer, I mean.

MARISHA: I almost took that. Took Sentinel
instead.

TALIESIN: It’s going to take two turns though,
right?

MATT; She wasn’t affected by Slow.

TALIESIN: Ah, really?

MARISHA: Yeah. She was one of the ones that saved.
That’s why I was trying to stun her.

SAM; What do you cast Dispel Magic on?

MATT: The magical effect, which is the Slow
effect.

SAM: And it will do it over all of the–?

MATT: If it’s any spell third level or lower, the
target ends, so Slow fades.

SAM: Oh no.

MARISHA: Fuck! That’s why I was trying to stun
her! I think she still could have done it, though.

MATT: Not from being stunned, she couldn’t.

MARISHA; Oh, well, cool. Feels really good about
failing it twice now.

MATT; Sorry! She’s going to move to this side.
Actually, and is going to run. So you both get

attacks of opportunity on her.

TALIESIN: You get an attack of opportunity.

MARISHA: That’s not very good at all. 12.

MATT: 12 is not going to hit! Not with Barkskin,
sorry. Actually, no! She doesn’t have Barkskin

because of the ambush. She hasn’t had time to cast
it, so it’s an AC of 11. You do hit!

MARISHA: What? She doesn’t move anywhere!

MATT: She is stuck there.

TALIESIN: Well actually, no. Can you freeze her?

MARISHA: She’s not moving. She can’t move and she
takes five damage.

TALIESIN: She’s still between the two of us. She
couldn’t have circled.

MATT: No, she circled around. It’s when she leaves
the range, so she gets stuck there. That ends her

turn. Now Lorenzo’s turn’s going to trigger.

SAM: What the fuck is that?! He’s a dragon-man?!
What is this?

ASHLY: What is happening?

LIAM: That is huge.

SAM: Jesus! What the fuck is that?!

LIAM: I don’t know. That’s your call.

MATT: I think it just misses you. It’s right
there.

LIAM: That’s why I go far away.

ASHLY: What the fuck?!

MATT: As a Cone of Cold bursts forth from–
(whooshing) Lorenzo smiles as his friends have

come out of the way, and this burst of freezing
cold arcane energy swirls in front of him,

flash-freezing everything in front, including the
cart, actually.

ASHLY: So Nott gets frozen too?

MATT: Nott has to make a reflex save. Beau and
Molly have to make– sorry, dexterity save. Oh,

that’s a relic!

MARISHA: Natural 20.

MATT: Nice!

SAM: You know what? I’ll use my luck.

TALIESIN: 19.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: Yeah, don’t get frozen.

SAM: Terrible!

MARISHA: Oh no!

ASHLY: Oh no, what was it?

SAM: 11.

MATT: Oh, buddy. All right. Okay. What did you
roll?

TALIESIN: 19.

MATT: 19, okay. Nott, you take 41 points of cold
damage.

SAM: I’ll halve that.

MATT: Okay, so you use your reaction to halve
that.

ASHLY: Did you say, I’m sorry, 41? Four-one?
Okay.

MATT: Molly, you take– that would be 20 points of
cold damage.

TALIESIN: Jesus Christ.

MATT: Beau, you take 20 points of cold damage.

MARISHA: Fuck!

TALIESIN: 20 points?

MATT: Yep. As it triggers and the frost finishes
off in the space there, Lorenzo, grinning, looks

over his shoulder back at Keg and goes like, “Am I
going to have to make a lesson here?”

SAM: Oh no, he’s winning!

MATT: That brings us to the top of the round.
Nott, you’re up.

SAM: All right, I think I have to use an action to
unlock this cage. To pick the lock.

MATT: Go for it. Make your lockpick check.

SAM: Fuck you! Five plus, I don’t know. What is it
usually, seven?

MATT: Dex and proficiency, so it would be seven,
yeah.

SAM: 12?

MATT: It’s not enough. You spend a moment and the
lock is not going. These are pretty intense cages,

and you look over there, and Lorenzo’s standing
there with the glaive.

SAM: I’m going to move around the cages or between
them, so that I turn completely invisible.

MARISHA: That’s a good call.

MATT: You move through a very small gap, they’re
pushed up against each other. Make a strength

check to see if you can push through; you might
not be able to.

SAM: Nope! That’s a three.

MATT: You can’t push through it; the cages are too
close. The small gap there, you try to muscle it,

but there are two to three people in each cage,
and you can’t push though.

SAM: Can I use my bonus action to– Jesus, what
can I do for my bonus action? I can’t hide. Can I hide?

MATT: You could try, you’re partially obscured.

SAM: I got nothing else to do on a bonus action.
So yeah, I will try to hide.

ASHLY: Lorenzo’s eyeing him right now, you said?

SAM: I’ll go on the side of the cart and–

MATT: Lorenzo’s eyeing in that direction.

SAM: I’ll hide off the side of the cart.

MATT: Okay, make a stealth check.

SAM: Oh, that’s wonderful. It’s 29!

MATT: You appear, within your mind, to have
vanished from the current sight.

SAM: Of at least Lorenzo.

MATT: All righty. That brings us to, finishing
Nott, Beau, your turn.

MARISHA: Oh God! Damn, this fucking druid. I’m
just going to lay into the druid.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: Okay, first attack. Natural 20!

MATT: Oh, snap!

MARISHA: Thank you, Gil! That’s doubling dice
damage. Big money, come on! Six plus four: ten.

MATT: Ten damage. Oof, Dwelma’s looking rough.

MARISHA: Really?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Second attack. 14 plus seven, so 21.

MATT: Although technically when the Slow spell
finished, a Hypnotic Pattern may have gone off.

Yeah, that would have gone off. So make your
wisdom saving throw, if you don’t mind.

LIAM: No, I don’t mind at all.

SAM: May I ask a weird question, Matt?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: The guy that I was trying to break out of the
cage: is he alive?

MATT: Glancing around the area, it looks like the
people that were right on the outer edge of the

cages are frozen.

SAM: Would I have seen that before I tried to
unlock the cage?

MATT: The guy who’s near you, he’s fine. They
blocked the impact there. It was your latter half

that was sticking out that got blasted.

SAM: Okay, cool.

LIAM: I rolled a 22.

MATT: 22, all right, so the Hypnotic Pattern does
not affect you. Well done.

MARISHA: I did 11 damage on my second attack on
her.

MATT: She goes down.

MARISHA: Fuck yes!

SAM: Down like dead?

MATT: Like unconscious and bleeding out.

TALIESIN: Do you have any more attacks left?

MARISHA: I have my bonus. Can I move and then
attack again?

MATT: Yeah, if you want to.

TALIESIN: Or you could hit them while they’re down
and help them bleed out.

MARISHA: I thought about that, but I have enough
movement that I can make it to the barbarian, right?

MATT: You could.

MARISHA: Are you going to handle Lorenzo? Who’s
going to handle Lorenzo? (shouting) Who’s going to

handle Lorenzo? Fuck! I’m going to jump over the
horses’ asses and get to Lorenzo.

MATT: You are.

TALIESIN: Oh dear.

MATT: Okay. Make an acrobatics check.

MARISHA: 14.

MATT: You get over the horses. Where are you going
to stand, on the cart? There’s not a lot of room

here to stand to fight and you’d have to get
over–

MARISHA: I have 40 feet of movement, so wherever I
can go.

MATT: I’ll say you can get back right here.

SAM: Yes, land on the horse’s back!

MARISHA: Can I land on the horse’s back?

MATT: Sure, why not?

LIAM: Now you’re mounted!

MATT: So you’re on the horse.

MARISHA: I’m on a horse. Am I within range of
him?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: He’s right there.

MARISHA: I’m in combat range of him.

MATT: Yes you are.

MARISHA: I’m going to spend another ki point to do
Patient Defense. I don’t trust this motherfucker.

Hopefully that’s useful.

MATT: That ends your turn?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: That brings us to Ruzza. Ruzza, who watched
the druid go down, sees you over there being

really defensive and looks around. He’s going to
attempt to cast Hold Person at level three. I need

Mollymauk and Beau to make wisdom saving throws
please.

TALIESIN: Motherfucker.

SAM: You got this, guys. You got this. Big rolls!

TALIESIN: 25.

MARISHA: 21.

MATT: Completely resists it. Shit.

LIAM: Burned it! Burn that shit!

MATT: Back up around the tree trunk there. That
ends her turn. Molly, you’re up.

TALIESIN: There’s no way to get through–

MATT: Thank you for sticking with us. I know this
is going late, but I want to see how this turns

out. We’ve been gone for two weeks. Consider it a
bonus episode.

TALIESIN: There’s no way I can make it to Lorenzo
from here, is there?

MATT: It’s possible.

TALIESIN: Not anymore.

MATT: You can climb over the cart if you want to.

TALIESIN: I’m going to get my ass kicked if I get
there. I’m going to try and engage the barbarian

before raging happens.

MATT: It’s up to you.

TALIESIN: God damn it. Fuck it, if you’re in with
Lorenzo, I’m going for Lorenzo.

MATT: Okay, make an acrobatics check to try and
get over the cart without issue.

TALIESIN: Ten.

MATT: Ten? You lose some movement, but you still
have enough to get right there. That’s as close as

you get. Lorenzo’s technically supposed to be in
that space.

TALIESIN: I’m going to take three attacks. I do
not have advantage, obviously.

MATT: No, you do not.

TALIESIN: First attack. Is that cocked or is that
okay?

SAM: Is it your big dice? It’s cocked.

TALIESIN: Damn it! It was a 20. Now it’s a 22.

ALL: Whoa!

MATT: Take your damage.

TALIESIN: That’s (counting) 18 points of damage.

MATT: Nice!

TALIESIN: Not happy. Swipe number two. That’s a
ten.

MATT: Ten does not hit.

TALIESIN: Then the other one is a three. That does
not hit either.

MATT: That first strike carves past. You see blood
spatter across the edge of the hillside. Lorenzo’s

like, “All right, I see what you’re doing. One for
one.” Slams the glaive onto the ground. That ends

your turn, Molly. It is Lorenzo’s turn. Lorenzo’s
going to go ahead and make two glaive attacks

against you.

TALIESIN: I think I have a second Blood Maledict
usage now.

MATT: You’re still level five.

TALIESIN: I know. I was looking, because I know
you changed things, and it says “Blood Maledict:

"You can invoke a blood curse a number of times per
short rest based on your levels. 2nd one, 5th two,

"9th three.” I’m taking– hoping this die rolls
worse, come on. For fuck’s sake! My Blood Maledict

literally kills me. Actually, no, fuck, was I
going to do it advanced? I was going to do it

advanced. My own Blood Maledict knocks me
unconscious.

MARISHA: You get knocked unconscious?

TALIESIN: I was at four hit points. What was I
going to do?

MARISHA: Not that!

SAM: Oh god, is he still going to attack you?

MATT: First hit. You guys watch as Molly falls
back unconscious, Lorenzo looks confused. His

vision still obscured, the blindness.

MARISHA: Am I flanking Molly?

MATT: Yeah. Actually, you’re not flanking, because
you’re at an angle. You’re on the horse. So no.

The first strike slams down into Molly’s chest,
the blade actually sinking about seven inches into

the chest. Blood spatters out of your mouth. You
can use your reaction to make an attack.

MARISHA: I can, as Sentinel.

MATT: As Sentinel you can, yes.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MARISHA: 14?

MATT: 14 does not hit, so it misses there.

MARISHA: Fuck!

MATT: Lorenzo looks back over towards Keg. Looks
up at you, Beau, and says, “An example it is.”

Molly, in the brief moments of consciousness, what
do you want to be your last words?

SAM: Oh no!

ASHLY: Can I say: Wait!

MATT: No.

ASHLY: He’s in it? It’s done?

MATT: This is done.

SAM: Do you get a reaction? Do you have anything?

ASHLY: Maybe I could talk to him?

MATT: Molly, you have a brief moment. As the
consciousness and life leaves you, what are your

last words?

TALIESIN: (spitting) With blood.

SAM: Oh, god.

MATT: As it slams into his face, “Respect,” and
then twists the blade. The life leaves Molly.

TALIESIN: Eyes never shut.

MATT: It’s now Protto’s turn. Protto is going to
take a single shot, because he used his action

surge. Now that he’s gotten two javelin tossed,
he’s going to fire at you, seeing that you’re in

the proximity. That’s a natural two, misses, off
your armor. You’re not even paying attention.

You’re looking over at this and you feel it
deflect. No impact. Caleb, your turn.

LIAM: I’m going to hold my turn, and cast a
Scorching Ray at the sorcerer the moment they do

anything. First, I will get up off of prone, into
a crouch.

MATT: Okay. The thugs take their turn. Both of
them are going to–

TALIESIN: I might need to leave the table for a
while.

MARISHA: No!

MATT: They’re both going to back up and take two
crossbow shots at Beau. You have your Patient

Defense on?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I can’t watch this.

SAM: Oh, god.

MATT: That is still a 16 and a 17 they rolled.

MARISHA: 16 misses, 17 hits.

MATT: That’s right! First one, you deflect out of
the air.

SAM: Catch it.

MATT: No, she already used her reaction. And the
other one is–

MARISHA: I can still use Deflect Missiles, right,
to lower it?

MATT: You use your reaction to do it. But it
rolled a 15 to hit. You, watching this happen,

hear it deflected off. The other one you catch and
drop, still looking down at Molly’s not-moving

body. As Lorenzo now grins back at you and says,
“Is it time for another, or have you learned your lesson?”

MARISHA: You should know: I have no respect for
authority.

MATT: “Then another life it is.” All right, that
ends thugs’ turn.

SAM: I’m invisible!

MATT: He does not see you.

ASHLY: As a quick reminder!

MATT: (counting) You’re the closest there. The
barbarian goes pulling in, is going to use an

action to move up into melee with you, but that’s
their turn. This is not looking good, guys. Which

brings us to Keg. Keg, you’ve seen these
situations before. What are you going to do?

ASHLY: Can I reach them with my speed?

MATT: Can you reach who?

ASHLY: Lorenzo and Beau.

MATT: No.

ASHLY: How close can I get?

MATT: With the tree there, about there is as close
as you can get. You can use your action to move,

but you wouldn’t be able to do anything else.

ASHLY: But I can talk to him?

MATT: You can. You move up over the log, and it
gets you there.

ASHLY: I say: Stop! Stop! Make me the example.
Stop. Just stop attacking them.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

ASHLY: 11.

MATT: Okay, that’s your turn. Dwelma’s bleeding
out. Nott, your turn.

SAM: What do I do? Lorenzo hasn’t been hit yet,
has he?

ASHLY and MATT: He got hit once.

SAM: Once, but he’s not going to go down.

MARISHA: He’s covered in shit.

MATT: You hear Keg shouting and mid-battle
parleying.

MARISHA: There’s the barbarian on Caleb, which is
not good.

SAM: I will first try to use a bonus action to use
item and pour acid on one of the locks. See if

that opens it.

MATT: Okay. You pour acid on the lock. It’s going
to take a moment. Acid isn’t an immediate thing,

if you’re not going to splash it on somebody. It
has to eat through metal.

SAM: Well, shit. Then I won’t do that.

MATT: You would know that as an alchemist.

SAM: I will– Shit, what do I do? I can’t kill
anything here. I’m going to try the lock. I’m

going to try the lock. there’s nothing else I can
do.

MATT: All right.

SAM: It’s a natural one.

MATT: I think the signs are pointing in a
direction. What are you doing, Nott?

SAM: Yes, so movement and bonus, I will run
towards Caleb, but not directly at the barbarian.

MARISHA: That’s a lot of time.

MATT: Beau, it’s your turn. You see Nott run.

SAM: Let’s see, movement is 30. How far could I
have gotten with just movement?

MATT: With just your movement?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Right there.

SAM: Ah, okay. Yeah, so that’s fine.

MATT: Beau, you see Keg rushing to parley. What do
you do?

MARISHA: I say: Hey Keg– no wait, that’s your
name– Hey Lorenzo, this one’s for Beau– no,

fuck! I’m getting all my names fucked up because
I’m so stressed out! This one’s for Molly and

Yasha, because we failed on this before. I’m going
to get it right this time. I’m going to take my

tinderbox and light it, and I’m going to– right
onto him, light him on fire.

MATT: Okay, he’s going to make a dexterity saving
throw.

MARISHA: I mean, I’m touching him with it.

MATT: I know. He fails.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: (flames erupting) Roll a d6 damage. He is on
fire.

MARISHA: d6 plus what?

MATT: Just d6 fire damage.

MARISHA: Four.

MATT: Four points of fire damage. There’s now
flames curling off of his body. He’s taking it.

MARISHA: I take my staff and pure brute anger,
right across his face.

MATT: Roll for it.

MARISHA: 12.

SAM: Get out of there!

MATT: (whoosh) He’s not even looking at you. He’s
looking at Keg.

SAM: Run!

MATT: She has his attention.

MARISHA: 18.

MATT: 18 does hit.

MARISHA: Six damage.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Run!

MARISHA: I take my movement and go towards Caleb
and Nott. Fuck.

MATT: There’s a reflex for him to go ahead and
take an attack of opportunity on you with his

glaive, and then he flickers and looks back to
Keg, seeming more interested in what she has to

say. That ends your turn?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: All right. Ruzza’s going to walk up.

MARISHA: Didn’t you have a thing held for the
sorceress?

LIAM: The moment she does anything. That depends
on how you want to interpret that.

MATT: The moment she does anything, what were you
going to cast?

LIAM: Well, I meant do anything– I guess do
anything to hurt us.

MATT: Okay. As you’re watching her very
carefully– She’s going to do it. She’s going to

step up and cast Cure Wounds.

SAM: (whispering) Oh, it’s a slave. They get a
slave.

MARISHA: They’re going to try and capture Molly?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Molly’s dead. Cure Wounds isn’t going to
affect him. She reaches out and touches Lorenzo,

and he heals up a bit. She starts to try and pat
the flames out a little bit and he shoos her off.

Now it is Lorenzo’s turn, because Molly doesn’t
have a turn. Lorenzo’s looking at you and says,

“Looks like we have an eye-for-an-eye scenario.”
Points off at Dwelma, who at this point has bled out.

MARISHA: She’s dead?

MATT: We’ll say yes, she’s bled out at this point.
“You say you want to be an example, huh?”

ASHLY: Will you let them go?

MATT: “Sure.” Puts his hand up, flames still
curling up and burning his body, which, roll

another d6.

MARISHA: Another four damage.

SAM: Use your teleport spell!

ASHLY: I don’t have one!

MATT: Puts his hand up with the glaive in the air,
and you watch as all the other thugs looking off

pull back their crossbows to the side. The
barbarian in front of you, Caleb, this woman whose

face is twisted in absolute rage, (panting,
snarling), puts the hammer down. Lorenzo says,

“We’re going to make an example of our old friend.
Round up what you can. You walk with me, Keg,” and

leads you back over to where the rest of you are.
As the warrior steps back, still burning, takes

and leads you here. They begin to move forward and
push the carts, begin to push the log off of this

to the side, and the warrior woman grabs the front
of the cart where the horses were and begins to

drag it forward. As it begins to pull away–

LIAM: Isn’t one of them encased in ice?

MATT: It’s a flash freeze, and then it goes away.
It’s not like it keeps it there. As this one pulls

forward, one of the thugs grabs the body of their
druid and throws it over the top of the cart where

she seems to vanish, except for a leg dangling out
the side of the illusion. They go forward. Grabs

your shoulder and pushes you down onto your knees.
Do you do anything?

ASHLY: No.

MATT: Looks at the three of you. “The Iron
Shepherds have a reputation, and I expect you to

"tell everyone you come across what happened here
today, and what a mistake it is to turn against

"us.” Pulls the glaive back slowly and leans into
your ear and says, “That’s a bit too quick. I want

"you to live with the memory of what you did
today,” and kicks you in the back and knocks you

onto your face. Turns around, finally pats out the
flames. “We’re moving on! If I see any of your

"faces again– (chuckles) Well, at least you’ll be
able to see your friend on the other side.”

MARISHA: Fuck you, Lorenzo.

MATT: “Fuck me, indeed,” and he turns and joins
the rest of the caravan as it begins to pull back

on the path, leaving the four of you beaten,
bruised, and glancing off at the lifeless,

bloodied body of Mollymauk Tealeaf. And that’s
where we’re going to leave tonight’s episode.

(exhales)

ASHLY: Fun guest star.

SAM: Wow, Ash.

MATT: Uh, sorry!

SAM: Good job, Ashly. Welcome to the game.

LIAM: You have destroyed the show.

ASHLY: Go ahead and see my way out!

MATT: No, this is part of the game.

SAM: No, it wasn’t all your fault, just mostly.

MATT: That was a terrible convergence of events.

LIAM: Yeah, bad shit happens.

MATT: It does.

LIAM: Bad shit happens to mediocre people.

MATT: Wow. I’m going to sit down.

SAM: Oh, boy.

MATT: Well, thank you guys for sticking with us
this long. I know it’s been a late night. Our

return after a week off, and the drama has
certainly kicked in. We’ll pick this up next week.

Let’s use this week to love each other.

MARISHA: Yeah, don’t ream us for all the things we
probably did wrong.

MATT: No, please don’t. Everyone here is playing
the game as best they can in the moment, and

honestly, a lot of it was dice swings and a lot of
it was circumstantial, and this is how the game

works. It’s going to make for a great story, and
will continue to, because you guys have one

fucking villain now in your campaign. Oh, this is
going to be delicious. Be kind to each other. We

love you all very much. Let’s take a week to
remember Mollymauk.

MARISHA: There’s nothing we can do to bring him
back, is there? There’s nothing we got.

LIAM: Not with what we got.

MATT: Not with what you got.

SAM: I’ve got another vial of acid.

MATT: On that note, once again, we love you guys.
Have a wonderful week, and is it Thursday yet?

Good night.

[music]

MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s
episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us

nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play
Dungeons & Dragons. Before we get into it, first

off I wanted to welcome back our fantastic Ashly
Burch.

SAM: Ashly Burch, everybody!

ASHLY: Oh, hello. Thank you.

MATT: It’s good to have you back. For those who
missed the announcement on Talks Machina, she’ll

be joining us for the next episode as well, and
for our GenCon live show.

SAM: And maybe more?

MATT: We’ll see where it goes. I don’t want to
take up too much of her time, but we’ll see where

it goes. We will at some point this evening have
another guest joining us, which we’ll introduce as

she comes in. We have already announced her, so it
doesn’t matter, why am I holding it back? Sumalee

Montano will be joining us, but she’ll be coming
in as the narrative requires. In the meantime,

let’s get through some announcements. First and
foremost, we have our fantastic sponsor for the

campaign, our friends at D&D Beyond.

SAM: D&D Beyond, everybody! As mentioned last
week, the newly revamped digital character sheet

for D&D Beyond has released. With improved desktop
and tablet views, better at-a-glance information,

all kinds of customization, and an updated PDF
export.

MATT: I’m really excited about that.

SAM: As you guys all remember–not you; a couple
months back, I asked you Critters out there who

use D&D Beyond to write in and tell me about their
D&D Beyond experiences. With the studio move and

stuff, things got lost. Some of the letters got
lost a little bit, or misplaced, but we found

them. I’m going to read you some of the letters
from the fans. They’re from a couple weeks ago.

“Dear Sam, loving D&D Beyond. Just used their easy
character creator to roll a brand-new character

“after my favorite PC was tragically killed last
week. I’m still really sad about it, but watching

“your show is taking my mind off the loss. I love
how Critical Role doesn’t remind me about that

"death all the time.” Again, these are from a few
weeks ago, so I haven’t–

MATT: You’re such an asshole.

SAM: “Dear Sam, my whole campaign uses D&D Beyond,
and their new shareable links really help us play

"faster. Side note: I love your interactions with
Taliesin in this campaign! Don’t change that

"dynamic, it’s perfect and I can’t get enough of
it. Thank you.”

MATT: Goddamn it, Sam. You’re the worst.

SAM: “Dear Sam–” These are from a couple weeks
ago, that is the premise.

MATT: These are the truth!

SAM: “Dear Sam, just signed up for a Master-level
subscription at D&D Beyond, and all their content

"is so cool! I’m enclosing a photo of a tattoo I
just got; it’s my first and I’m very proud, as you

"can see. That’s Nott and Mollymauk dancing
together. I know it’s in cursive, so you might not

"be able to read that they’re both saying, ‘We’re
going to live forever!’ What do you think?” There

was a picture included in that one.

ASHLY: For my first action I kill Sam.

SAM: Last but not least, we got an actual letter
from the D&D Beyond corporation, which also got

lost and found. It says, “Dear Sam: Hey, let’s
refrain from anything sad or emotional in your ads

"this week. We want players to associate our app
with fun, not intense loss that might trigger

"feelings of pain or misery. Keep it light! Do one
of those dumb songs you write. Oh, and give our

"love to Taliesin! He’s our favorite, and he’s the
only reason we advertise on your show.” I could

not have planned it because those are from weeks
ago, Matt.

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: I love that you “lost” the printed-out,
e-mail letters in our move.

SAM: Everyone used the same paper, stock, and
font.

ASHLY: They look really pristine.

SAM: All right. One of them was fake.

MATT: Thank you, Sam. And thank you, our friends
at D&D Beyond, and I’m sorry.

LIAM: You’ve got to laugh.

MATT: Moving on from that, as a reminder we are
heading to San Diego Comic Con, like, in a day. As

well as Ashly.

ASHLY: I am.

MATT: We’re going to be also at New York Comic Con
in October, which we’re excited about. Our Comic

Con panel is this Saturday, July 21st at 6:30pm in
room 6BCF. We’ll air the panel next Tuesday in

place of Talks Machina, so if you aren’t there at
the event, you’ll still have a chance to see the

panel next week, so look for that. The details are
at CritRole.com. I will also be doing a cartoon

voices panel that same day on Saturday at 1:00pm
in the same room, 6BCF. Ashly, I believe you have

something going on at Comic Con as well.

ASHLY: I’m going to be moderating the final San
Diego Comic Con Adventure Time panel, because the

series is ending. It will be fun, but probably
sad, but fun! It’ll be fun. I was told to keep it

light. So I’m keeping it light. Then in the
evening, I’m going to be joining the good, good

boys of The Adventure Zone at their live show. So
I’m getting my D&D fill.

SAM: A lot of adventure.

ASHLY: A lot of adventure, a lot of D&D. It’s
great.

MATT: Give the boys our love.

ASHLY: I will.

MATT: Awesome. Moving on from that. We have Talks
Machina every Tuesday. Next week, you’ll be able

to see the panel. The week after that, you’ll be
able to talk about whatever next week’s episode is

and this week’s episode together! Every Tuesday at
7:00pm Pacific, here on Geek & Sundry’s Twitch or

Alpha, where our fantastic host, Brian W. Foster,
destroys our sense of well-being and worth of

living. If you want to submit or email your GIFs
and fanart, give them to submit@talksmachina.com.

Currently only the US and Canada, excluding
Quebec, are available for those giveaways because

of weird laws. Check it out. A reminder that we
have our Wyrmwood giveaways during the break of

Critical Role, but they are back under the
Critical Role Twitch stream. When we come to the

break towards the middle of the evening, we’ll
announce it, you move over to the Critical Role

Twitch, twitch.tv/criticalrole, to be able to
enter it then. Keep your eyes posted, and I will

notify you as that comes about. That is all I’ve
got as far as announcements, anyone have anything

else they want to talk about?

LIAM: I just want to procrastinate and prolong
the–

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

ASHLY: What’d you do today? What’d you eat for
breakfast?

LIAM: Busy day? Was it a busy day?

MATT: You assume I ate breakfast. You assume I’ve
eaten at all this week.

ASHLY: Oh no!

SAM: I’m sure if Laura were here, she would say
there are still many Nott the Best Detective

Agency T-shirts in the store. Are there? I don’t
know.

MATT: I don’t know, I should probably–

SAM and ASHLY: Laura?

SAM: Okay, she’s not here.

LIAM: Travis, bring me pickles!

MATT: That’s exactly what she’d be saying right
now.

ASHLY: Oh my god, that was a perfect Laura. I
thought she was here!

LIAM: Pretty spot on. I’ve known her a long time.

MATT: All right then. That brings us into
tonight’s episode of Critical Role.

LIAM and SAM: (scatting)

[click, TV static]

[groovy Critical Role theme]

MARISHA: –you!

MATT: Welcome back.

(laughter)

MATT: (frustrated sigh) So?

ASHLY: This is too much emotional emotional
whiplash. Can you stand for the full four hours?

SAM: I want to.

MATT: No! Oh god!

LIAM: Metal.

MARISHA: I can see the wrinkles from where it was
packaged.

MATT: Okay then. Last we left off, The Mighty Nein
were making their way northward across the

northern side of the Marrow Valley, toward the
city of Shadycreek Run, to fulfill the second of

two jobs they had accepted from The Gentleman
while they were in Zadash. Along the journey,

while they were leaving Hupperdook in the middle
of the night, three of their members had been

taken. It was discovered in the morning when they
were nowhere to be found, that they had been

captured by a group of slavers traveling north
back to the city of Shadycreek Run itself. Upon

investigating the details of this capture, you
encountered an individual coming up the road with

a similar aligning interest, Keg. In discussing
the means of traveling to find these individuals

responsible, and discovering that Keg had
information on them, you decided to travel

together making your way around the Crispvale
Thicket. Encountering a number of indigenous,

insect-like creatures known as ankhegs near the
long-abandoned farmlands that were once built in

the outskirts of the forest. Camping inside, you
encountered a few members of a firbolg village

that had long existed, hidden from the world
within this thicket that had been assaulted by

these same slavers, known as the Iron Shepherds.
You encountered an elder protector of this tribe,

along with a boy who had survived this encounter,
and were sent off on your way. Traveling northward

on horseback, you managed to catch up and actually
make ground on the Iron Shepherds. Comparing your

intel, and through a few surprises as to what they
were carrying, a plan was hatched to set an

ambush, to halt them in their tracks, and assault
them. Upon the plan taking off, things were going

in your favor, but through a series of bad lucks–
A bad lucks, the plural, it’s an actual English phrase.

ASHLY: That’s how bad they were.

MATT: They were bad. A series of moments of bad
luck, and a too-late realization of the

overwhelming power of the foe you faced, one of
you fell. Mollymauk lies slain in the middle of

the road at the hands of Lorenzo, the leader of
the Iron Shepherds. Making an example, pushing Keg

onto the ground, leaving her with the knowledge of
what he perceives as her fault, to live with it;

and to spread their name and the terror of what
they do, and not to let anybody else get in their

way. You all watched quietly, unable to really
have a moment yet, to digest what has happened, as

you see the carts slowly, quietly, make their way
northward: out of sight beyond the hills, towards

your eventual destination. And that’s where we
begin. There’s a faint bit of snowfall that’s

still coming down from the clouds above you there
in the valley. The flurry, the storm that has been

encroaching is not that far off. You look down
past the somewhat-muddy tracks of the wheels of

the carts that had headed away from you, your
horses still stashed alongside the outer hills in

which you had set this ambush. You look down to
the bloodied, still body of Mollymauk, as the snow

slowly begins to fall and rest upon his form.

LIAM: Okay. I’m going to give us about ten minutes
to figure out what we want to do here, and then I

am sending Frumpkin out after them. We need to
decide something now, because I am going to be out

of it for a bit.

MARISHA: Yeah. We do need to decide something.
Beau walks over to Keg, and grabs Keg by the coif,

and tries to slam Keg into the ground.

MATT: Do you resist?

MARISHA: Did you think that maybe telling us that
Lorenzo was a high fucking magic user would have

been– Or are you still fucking working with
them?

ASHLY: I didn’t know! I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I
didn’t know.

LIAM: Beauregard, she would have told us. She
wouldn’t have been able to hide it.

MARISHA: Where is his fucking stupid tapestry?
Where is it?

ASHLY: They are going to Shadycreek. They are
probably going to take them to The Sour Nest,

that’s where they–

MARISHA: I go, and I look. Is his tapestry still
on her horse?

MATT: Yeah, the tapestry of Bahamut is still
rolled up and strapped over the back of one of the horses.

MARISHA: I storm over to it and I rip it off the
horse and I say: This is ours now. He was our

fucking friend, he wasn’t your fucking friend.
We’re taking this back.

LIAM: I pull Keg up. This place they are going, is
it permanent? Or a temporary camp, or it’s been

there for years and this where they always are?

ASHLY: It’s where they always are.

LIAM: Do you know how far off we are from it now?

ASHLY: How far is Shadycreek?

MATT: About two days’ travel and it’s maybe a two
hour journey into the forest north of Shadycreek.

MARISHA: I go over to Molly’s body.

ASHLY: This is pointless.

SAM: What? What is pointless?

ASHLY: They’re even more powerful than I remember.
I didn’t even fucking know that Lorenzo could do

that. You saw what he did, there’s no way. It’s
fucked.

MARISHA: I think she’s fucking right. How long
have you been separated from these fucking assholes?

ASHLY: (long sigh) Maybe a month, I don’t know.

SAM: They learned to do that in a month?

ASHLY: Yeah.

MARISHA: It’s not a lot of time to–

ASHLY: They didn’t show me much. I’m clearly not
very fucking bright, so there’s a lot I probably

didn’t pick up on, but– I don’t know. I’m
realizing I don’t fucking know anything about them.

LIAM: How many people are in their camp, what did
you call it?

ASHLY: The Sour Nest is where the Iron Shepherds
have camp.

LIAM: Yeah.

ASHLY: But I mean, Shadycreek Run is– It’s a full
city.

LIAM: Sure. What about The Sour Nest?

ASHLY: I thought there were just five. I don’t
know who those other two were. I don’t fucking

know! Everything that I thought I knew about
them– I don’t know.

MARISHA: I search Molly’s body and look for the
tarot cards first.

MATT: Easy enough to find. You have to go through
a few pockets on the inside of the jacket, but you

eventually find where he keeps them.

MARISHA: I take those and I keep those to myself.
Take the amulet.

MATT: Okay, so you have the periapt of wound
closure.

MARISHA: Toss it to Caleb.

SAM: You’re just going to pick his body off?

MARISHA: I’m going to take what his dead body
isn’t using any more.

SAM: But he woke up before, maybe we should leave
it with him in case he needs it later.

MARISHA: I’m going to leave him with everything
else. I don’t think we should take his sword.

LIAM: What do we want to do?

SAM: Caleb, she’s right, we can’t fight them.

ASHLY: Cut your losses.

MARISHA: Not without help, anyway. Did you guys
just suddenly fucking forget that they took Yasha?

They took Fjord, they took Jester.

LIAM: That is what I’m talking about. Mollymauk is
dead. Three are not, not yet, and we have invested

a lot of time into forging this alliance we are
in, Nott. I’m not proposing a head-to-head

confrontation. Maybe. I want to know where they
are, I want to know what conditions they’re in.

I’m not willing to walk away from this.

SAM: It would be the smarter bet.

ASHLY: He’s not wrong.

MARISHA: Fuck you both.

LIAM: We could live, sure, we could live. We go
hide in the woods. Go back to picking pockets and

pulling scams on people. You know that I want more
than that.

MARISHA: Do y'all remember what Molly said a few
weeks ago when he told us that he left every town

better than what he found it? When he first told
me that, I remember that my first initial knee

jerk reaction was, “You fucking arrogant,
narcissistic bastard, no one can fucking know

"that.” He was an arrogant bastard, but he was
right and do you know how I know? We had a

conversation last night when we were up for watch,
and he asked me what my greatest lie was and we

pulled fucking cards for it. Loser would go first.
He told me this story about tricking a town into

thinking he was royalty, being a king, to pull off
a scam. I was almost going to tell him about my

childhood, and I didn’t. Because he told that
fucking story and I realized: even in his scams,

when he was doing something shitty, he was still
making people feel good or feel special. The town

was being visited by– graced by his presence, by
his royal highness. And I told him this story of

ruining a couple’s lives by extorting them because
I fucking could. Because I fucking felt like it. I

realized if I can deliberately leave a town
shittier than what I found it, of course he could

fucking leave a town better than what he found it.
And I’m not going to do that again. I’m not saying

that I’m going to go off and be a fucking hero,
but maybe we can equal out and I can at least not

fuck any more shit up. Take baby steps towards the
leaving the town better… thing. That’s the least

I can do for him. And I’m going to start with
these fuckheads.

ASHLY: I’ll take you there.

MARISHA: All right.

LIAM: What are we going to do first? The man
crawled out of a grave once, if he’s to be believed.

MARISHA: Who the fuck is Lucien?

LIAM: He’s done it once, maybe he will do it
again. Do we stay here, do we try to find, I

don’t– I’ve read of miracles.

ASHLY: Look, you guys don’t have a lot of time for
your friends. The ones that are captured.

SAM: We should bury him, and leave some sort of
marker–

LIAM: A note.

MARISHA: I’m assuming Shadycreek doesn’t have high
level priests and the Empire and churches and

stuff like that. Doesn’t sound like the type of
place that has–

ASHLY: One of the last places you’d find something
like that.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: The only things that you would know of
Shadycreek, from your experience, would be

whatever miracle workers that would exist there
are owned by the tribes, and weird tales of

strange hermits that live in the forest beyond the
city.

ASHLY: Okay. But I haven’t met anyone directly.

MATT: Not directly, no.

LIAM: How many days’ travel are we from the
beginning of this journey?

MATT: From the beginning?

LIAM: Yeah. From The Gentleman.

MATT: Close to 17 or so days since you left
Zadash.

LIAM: We are in the middle of nowhere.

SAM: Keg, no judgement or anything, but you sort
of froze up in the little fight we had.

ASHLY: Yeah.

SAM: When you say you can take us there, are you
just talking about taking us there and dropping us off?

ASHLY: I’ll take you there, I’ll help you through.
I’ll do what I can.

SAM: How do we know you won’t freeze up again?

MARISHA: Or cut and run, like you said.

ASHLY: The way you talk about Molly. I had a
friend like that once, just one. They killed him,

and I ran then, too. I left him behind: he’s the
reason I’m here. I didn’t think I would do it

again, but I did, I fucking froze up. I can’t
promise it, but I promise that I’ll try. My life

isn’t shit, it’s never been. It’s kind of the shit
about meeting people that are actually kind is

that you realize what a fucking nightmare your
life’s been before.

MARISHA: It’s funny how the good people can make
assholes like us feel so small.

ASHLY: Yeah.

LIAM: You can get us there, though.

ASHLY: I can get you there.

LIAM: It does not need to be a frontal assault, we
don’t need to throw our lives away.

SAM: We can’t fight them! We can’t fight them.

ASHLY: Here’s the thing about Shadycreek Run: it
is a lawless town. If you guys have got coin, then

people will fight for you. There isn’t a lot of
honor there, but there are people that are willing

to fight if they’re incentivized. There might be
people we can gather, at least get intel, there

might be ways of breaking them out, I don’t know.
There are people there that hate the Iron

Shepherds and there are a lot of fucking people
there that are scared of them. It is a long shot.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say it’s a
suicide mission, but if you want to do it, if you

want to go after them, they don’t run the town.
There are people that could be swayed. But you’re

going to need money.

MARISHA: I go back over to Molly’s body and start
finding his coin purse. He’s going to sponsor his

own campaign to resurrection.

MATT: Okay, on Molly you find 173 gold pieces and
13 silver pieces amongst a cluster of other knick

knacks and trinkets if you are so interested.

MARISHA: Nott, want a trinket? To remember Molly
by?

SAM: Molly said not to steal from happy people.

MARISHA: Is that what you think I’m doing?

SAM: Nope. I think you should take everything you
can, but I can’t steal from this one.

MARISHA: I take the money.

ASHLY: I don’t mean to rush you guys, but shit
gets way worse once they get back to The Sour Nest.

LIAM: I pull out the clay cat’s paw and cast
Earthen Grasp and the cat’s claw forms out of the

dirt and I use it to start digging a hole in the
earth.

MATT: Near one of the hills?

LIAM: Yeah. As the cat’s claw starts digging down,
I’m looking for– the glaive wasn’t left, right?

He took it with him?

MATT: No, he took it with him.

LIAM: Sticks, branches, ja?

MATT: There are branches to the tree that you had
cut down, some of the logs that are there, there

are some pieces of branch that could be utilized.

ASHLY: You trying to make firewood?

LIAM: No. I go to Molly’s body and begin to get
the coat off him.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: The claw has about a minute, so hopefully it
can dig something deep enough.

MATT: I’d say given the size of the claw and its
earthen attachment, it can make, in that minute

that it has, a fairly functional hole.

LIAM: Okay. I’m going to start to pull him into
the hole.

MARISHA: Let’s wrap him in his cloth.

SAM: That’s a good idea. We certainly can’t carry
it anymore; it’s very impractical.

MARISHA: It was impractical the moment he bought
it.

SAM: Absolutely. It’s a terrible purchase.

ASHLY: I step back and look away to give them
privacy.

MATT: Okay. As you guys carefully and respectfully
take the tapestry of the Platinum Dragon, Bahamut,

and use it to wrap him comfortably, the spell ends
and the hole is complete.

SAM: Are we leaving his swords? There’s one that
can teleport?

MARISHA: It’s a pretty awesome sword, from what I
remember.

SAM: Sure is.

LIAM: I grab some paper out of my bag and I start
writing a note to Mollymauk, telling him to find

us through The Gentleman.

MARISHA: That’s a good idea.

SAM: Tell him his name, too. Or, ooh! We can make
one up.

MARISHA: (laughs) Mollymauk’s pretty unique
and different. It’s a good name.

SAM: All right.

MARISHA: I take the swords.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Or, at least, is there one fancy one and
one basic one?

MATT: I mean, they’re both pretty fancy, but one
of them is a brass, gold color. It’s the one that

you had found not too long ago.

SAM: That’s the one.

MATT: The Summer’s Dance.

MARISHA: Yeah, we’ll take that one. Summer’s
Dance. We’ll give it back to him if he comes back

to us.

SAM: It’s a loan! It’s a loan.

MARISHA: Well, and also, there might be grave
robbers.

SAM: Yeah, fuck those guys, right?

MARISHA: Looters, yeah.

LIAM: I take that note and I stick it into the
lapel of the folds of his clothes, and I brush the

hair out of his face, and then I start to push
soil back over the body.

MARISHA: I help him.

SAM: Should we say some words or anything?

MARISHA: Pour a drink?

SAM: Sure. I’ll pour drinks.

MARISHA: Long may he reign.

SAM: Long may he reign.

MARISHA: That’s the best fucking shit I got.

LIAM: Shine bright, circus man.

SAM: I think you’re supposed to say things about
how good they were and how many people loved them,

and what a wonderful life they had, but I don’t
think any of those things are true, or at least we

don’t– I don’t think he even knew.

LIAM: Caleb sighs and takes a five-foot, six-foot
sturdy branch, one that could be a walking stick,

and I take that stone– that lucky rock that I
found– and I start to hammer the branch into the

ground so it is sticking up like a post, and then
hang Mollymauk’s coat from it.

SAM: That’ll be stolen, though.

LIAM: Not right away. If he comes up out of the
ground, it will be here waiting for him in a day

or two.

MARISHA: Maybe you should write another note and
leave it on the coat that says, “Don’t fucking

"steal this, you fucking looter assholes. Dead
guy’s buried here.”

LIAM: I think we will just leave the coat,
Beauregard.

MARISHA: I feel like a note could be very
convincing, but that’s fair. All right, let’s go.

SAM: Go after them?

LIAM: Well, we do not have to decide what we are
going to do right away. We could have an

opportunity, grab our friends. We don’t need to
rush into the lion’s den. Let’s see what we are

looking at, what we are dealing with. We get our
three friends back. We have not traveled with them

this far to throw it away.

SAM: To throw what away? I want to hear you say
it. Why do you want to go after them?

LIAM: Their deaths would be a waste.

SAM: Wrong. Why?

LIAM: Caleb storms off into the woods.

MARISHA: Keg.

ASHLY: Beau?

MARISHA: Thank you.

ASHLY: For what?

MARISHA: I think we all would have been dead back
there had you not made your offer, which you

didn’t have to do. It’s noted.

ASHLY: A bit too little, too late, but sure,
yeah.

MARISHA: What was your friend’s name?

ASHLY: Yuto.

MARISHA: No more running. For Molly and Yuto.
Deal?

ASHLY: Deal.

SAM: If you run, we’ll kill you.

ASHLY: That’s fair.

SAM: Cool.

ASHLY: Bad time to ask for a drink?

MARISHA: Never a bad time.

SAM: You deserve it.

MATT: Caleb, you’ve stormed off, a bit around the
way to the little bit of scrub and a few trees off

to the side, where the horses are set. There’s a
new horse standing there, one that wasn’t with the

rest of your trio.

MARISHA: It’s a spy!

MATT: Medium brown in color.

MARISHA: Kill it!

SAM: (cooing)

LIAM: I’m in the open right now with the horses,
yeah?

MATT: Yeah. It’s looking right at you.

LIAM: The horse is? There’s no person around?

MATT: No other person that you see, no.

LIAM: I walk up to the front of the horse.

MATT: It clomps up, meeting your step with each
step you take.

LIAM: Oh. Who are you, Freund?

MATT: Its outer shoulders and well-traveled,
muscled body begins to shift and change before

you. Its form in some ways pulls in, others extend
outward. Sumalee, if you’d like to join us at the

table, please.

(cheering)

SAM: You said “Sumalee,” not “So Molly,” right?

MATT: Right.

MARISHA: That’s so Molly.

MATT: Welcome!

LIAM: Hi, welcome!

ASHLY: Hi, Sumalee!

SAM: Wow! You have to do a Mr. Ed voice.

MATT: Make sure you scoot in enough for the
camera, there.

SUMALEE: Okay.

MARISHA: We’re jumping in a bouncy funhouse over
here! We’re having a grand old time!

ASHLY: Oh, it’s just been a laugh!

MARISHA: Just so great!

MATT: If you’d like to describe what Caleb sees as
the horse is no more, and there’s now a person

standing before him.

SUMALEE: I’m a firbolg. I’ve shifted into about a
seven-and-a-half-foot tall firbolg. I weigh about

200 pounds, and I’m wearing some
Mongolian-inspired, almost like a shepherd. I have

a round face, a wide nose. No pointy ears, though.
My ears are soft, and floppy. I stand tall,

strong. My shoulders droop a little forward. I’m
looking with big, round eyes at all of you.

LIAM: Hey, that’s a pretty good trick.

SUMALEE: Thank you.

LIAM: You’re out for a stroll?

SUMALEE: I’ve been watching you.

LIAM: Oh, gut. How long have you– You are very
tall.

SUMALEE: Not for my clan. I am just average.

LIAM: Ja. Okay. Did you see everything that
happened in here in the last 20 minutes or so?

SUMALEE: I am sorry for your loss.

LIAM: Hey guys, we have a visitor!

MARISHA: I thought you were talking to yourself
again.

ASHLY: What kind of visitor?

MATT: You glance over and you see the extremely
tall female form of this firbolg; humanoid with a

face that comes to a deer-like shape to the front,
floppy ears, looming over, looking right at Caleb,

who’s taking a step back and looking up towards
her.

ASHLY: Holy shit.

MARISHA: Oh.

LIAM: Um.

SAM: Hi.

SUMALEE: Hello.

SAM: Ah!

ASHLY: You all right, Caleb?

LIAM: Yes, I just was not expe– you know, we’ve
been through– It’s been a long day.

MARISHA: Yeah, you’re not like a shared
hallucination, right?

SUMALEE: No, I assure you, I am not.

LIAM: You don’t have any holy abilities, by any
chance?

SUMALEE: I do not know this word “holy,” but I
have abilities, which I might like to share with you.

LIAM: Well, if you’ve been watching, we have just
buried a friend of ours, maybe we were premature.

Should we go dig him up?

SAM: Can you bring dead people back to life?

SUMALEE: No, I’m sorry.

LIAM: That’s a stupid question from me, I
apologize.

SAM: It was worth a shot, right? I mean. You would
have kicked yourself if you hadn’t asked and later

she was like, “Oh yeah, by the way.”

LIAM: She probably would have offered though, you
know.

MARISHA: We ran into a tribe on the way here, you
wouldn’t happen to know an older woman named

Jumnda would you?

SUMALEE: Yes. She is my elder.

SAM: They all know each other, I knew it!

MARISHA: Nott, that’s–

SAM: Do you know Pumat Sol?

SUMALEE: No.

MARISHA: (laughing) You’re terrible.

SUMALEE: What did Jumnda say?

MARISHA: She said a strong woman on a mission to
go find her son, part of her clan, was heading

north. Would you happen to be Nila? Or is it
Ny-la? Am I pronouncing that right?

SAM: It was Nila.

MARISHA: It was Nila? Nila.

SUMALEE: You had it right the first time.

MARISHA: Nailed it.

SUMALEE: I am Nila. It is nice to meet you all.

SAM: It’s nice to meet you too.

MARISHA: It’s nice to meet you.

SAM: We met your friends. Family? Tribe? Clan?

SUMALEE: All of those work.

(laughter)

SAM: They told us that you’re trying to find the
same people we are. I think? You’re trying to find

these folks who kidnapped someone who you know?

SUMALEE: I wasn’t sure if I could trust you, but
seeing as how I saw what you went through, I could

use a little help too.

LIAM: Ja, how are you feeling about your chances
now, after watching the bloodbath?

SUMALEE: I think I might have some abilities that
can help, but I knew I could not do it alone, and

I saw you have abilities, too.

MARISHA: On our good days.

ASHLY: What abilities are you talking about?

LIAM: She was a horse a moment ago.

ASHLY: What?! You buried the lede there, Caleb!

(laughter)

SUMALEE: Did you not get that?

ASHLY: No! I thought Caleb– I mean, he kind of
talks to himself.

SUMALEE: Right. I forgot. I was a horse.

SAM: So we have an extra horse!

SUMALEE: I can make other animal shapes, too.

SAM: Ooh! Caleb can turn his cat into a bird!

SUMALEE: Wow!

LIAM: It is a little trick. Can you turn yourself
into anything dangerous?

SUMALEE: I think the most dangerous I can be is a
crocodile.

MARISHA: That’s pretty dangerous.

SAM: We fought those. One almost killed me.

ASHLY: Not the same crocodile, right?

SAM: Was it you?

SUMALEE: No! I never leave. This is the first time
I’ve left my family.

LIAM: Have you ever been in a fight?

SUMALEE: Not really.

ASHLY: Oh, great.

SUMALEE: But I have other abilities that I might
be able to use to help! There’s one in particular

that I want to use against these evil people.

SAM: You can curse in front of us if you need to,
I mean.

SUMALEE: What is this “cursing?”

ASHLY: Oh god.

SAM: I think you’ll pick it up if you hang around
us for more than an afternoon.

SUMALEE: Anyway, I have some abilities that I’d
like to use on these bad people.

ASHLY: Killing abilities?

SUMALEE: Yes.

ASHLY: Are you willing to kill?

SUMALEE: Yes.

ASHLY: Can you say the word “fuck” for me?

SUMALEE: I do not know what it means, but “fuck.”

ASHLY: Great, all right. Well, she’s got a little
bit of edge.

MARISHA: I like her. I like her a lot.

SAM: Hardcore.

SUMALEE: You do not understand what they did to my
family. I am ready now.

SAM: Please tell us. I mean, if it’s not horribly
awful to tell.

SUMALEE: I just want to say that I’m ready. I’m
ready to do things that I’ve never done before. To

use my abilities to get my son back.

SAM: Son?

ASHLY: I know I’m the proven coward of this group,
but do we want an untested horse-person coming

with us?

SUMALEE: Why would you not?

ASHLY: You saw the fight, right, lady?

SUMALEE: Yes. I can help.

ASHLY: It’s up to you guys. It’s your funeral.

SAM: Your son has been captured?

SUMALEE: And my partner. Jumnda, the lady you ran
into, my elder, she told me not to come, not to

leave. “Accept nature’s fate,” she said. But I
cannot. I have been kind and peaceful and to

myself many years. No more. You need me and I
cannot do this alone.

ASHLY: Need you?

MARISHA: She’s kind of right.

LIAM: Hey, over there is a tree stump on the side
of the road. That’s the bald one. What do you do?

MARISHA: Show us.

SUMALEE: I will tell you because I cannot do it
all the time, but when I am ready, I will summon

lightning from the sky and fry him, destroy him!
And I can do it again and again and again!

LIAM: That sounds good.

MARISHA: That sounds great.

SAM: We’d appreciate that.

ASHLY: So moving?

MARISHA: Holy shit.

LIAM: What time of the day is it?

MATT: It’s early morning.

SAM: Metal o'clock.

MATT: Apparently!

LIAM: The fight was in the early morning.

MATT: The fight was right at dawn.

LIAM: Right, okay.

MATT: It’s maybe an hour after sunrise at this
point, and the sky is still mostly clouded and

becoming lighter. The flurry is coming closer,
there is a gentle snowfall coming down at this

early hour.

SUMALEE: I can do the lightning trick any time of
day.

ASHLY: That’s good to know.

MARISHA: Yeah, good for me.

SAM: Do you drink? Alcohol? Booze?

SUMALEE: There are some tree saps, when left for a
long time, they have a funny taste to them.

Sometimes I taste that, but–

SAM: Okay, more for us.

ASHLY: Better not.

LIAM: Can I borrow your flask, please?

SAM: Yeah, sure, here.

SUMALEE: So we will join together.

SAM: If you’re going after your son, I trust you
100%. What was his name?

SUMALEE: Asar.

LIAM: How old is your boy?

SUMALEE: He’s only five.

ASHLY: Jesus.

SAM: Maybe that’s fully grown for a firbolg?

SUMALEE: No.

SAM: Okay. It was worth a shot.

ASHLY: Good thinking.

MARISHA: All right. We should keep heading on to
Shadycreek then.

SAM: Yes, we should.

ASHLY: Anything else you want to, I don’t know, do
for your friend?

SAM: Oh.

MARISHA: No.

ASHLY: All right.

SUMALEE: May I suggest something? When someone
dies in my clan, we know that their spirit never

leaves. It just gets returned to nature, which is
why we protect nature so fiercely. I have lost

people before. I find ways to see them in nature.
Sometimes the leaves on the trees– I pick one

leaf and I know that it is a spirit waving to me.
Your friend is here. He has not left.

SAM: That is very lovely.

MARISHA: Yeah. I’m going to go start mounting up
the horses.

MATT: You gather the last of your things, retrieve
the horses, and head out.

ASHLY: I’ll lead the horses, since I know where
I’m going.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Yeah, we have three horses– oh wait, you had
one too. Wait, did you? No, you were on foot. We

had three left.

MATT: Yeah, you had three left after the previous
battle.

ASHLY: I have to ride on one by myself.

MATT: Correct. You guys can double up.

MARISHA: Yeah, it was you two doubled up and I had
one.

SAM: You are probably going to have to share– Do
you have a horse?

SUMALEE: I can be a horse.

SAM: Oh, you are a horse! Of course.

SUMALEE: I can turn into a horse once more. But if
I do, I think that is the last time I can do it today.

MATT: Until you take a rest.

SUMALEE: Until my next rest.

LIAM: Horse nap.

MATT: As you guys gather up onto your horses, Keg
takes the lead and you all begin your trek

northward once more. Both memory of Mollymauk
behind you on one shoulder, and the image of the

face of your vengeance before you. You continue on
your journey for the next hour or so before you

catch a glance, Keg, at the road above. You see
three shapes in the road.

ASHLY: Can I perception check it?

MATT: Perception check.

ASHLY: That’s a 13.

MATT: 13? You get a little closer and you look and
it looks to be three figures that are left in the

road. People left in the road.

ASHLY: Dead?

MATT: Not moving.

ASHLY: Guys, there’s something in the road.

MARISHA: Oh, fuck.

ASHLY: I can’t tell if they are dead from here.

LIAM: I send Frumpkin up into the air as an owl.

MATT: Swoops down and does a few loops over it and
within a moment of scanning, can see it is three

bodies. A human man appears to be in his forties,
a younger half-elven man in his twenties, and a

young human woman, probably in her twenties, early
thirties or so. They are all slain, but there is

no sign of traumatic wounds or any damage to their
body, though they are damp.

ASHLY: Damp?

MATT: Damp.

MARISHA: Is it snowing– Is there snow on the
ground?

MATT: There is snow on the ground. You can see
there’s bits that are gathered on them.

ASHLY: Why would they just be left in the road?

SAM: Caleb has told us all of this?

LIAM: Yes.

SAM: I am going to scout up ahead and see if I
recognize them.

MATT: Okay, make a medicine check for one thing as
you glance at the bodies.

SAM: 12, plus zero.

MATT: Not too bad. You recognize the man as the
one you saw in the cage before you, and at a quick

glance you can see elements of flash frostbite on
parts of their skin. You gather they are probably

the ones that were in the cage in front of you.

MARISHA: Does it look like they tried to escape
the cage?

SAM: They were dead when the frost blast hit
everybody.

MARISHA: Then they dumped the bodies.

ASHLY: Well given that he left them in the middle
of the road– think this is his second warning?

Third? Fourth?

SAM: Or maybe he just wanted to move fast without
extra weight.

MARISHA: I think he just cares that little for
human life.

SAM: Well, we’ll cut out their tongues for food
and then bury them?

ASHLY: Nott, with the fucking tongues again, my
man.

SAM: What, it’s protein.

ASHLY: Look, I know you’re weird, but if you could
tone it down just a skosh.

SAM: You don’t have to watch.

ASHLY: I’ll hear it. You’re so loud.

SAM: Fine.

LIAM: I’m pulling the first of the three off the
road to the side.

ASHLY: I help.

MARISHA: I’ll help.

MATT: You manage to pull the bodies off the road
into the grasses on the side.

ASHLY: Nott!

SAM: Don’t worry. There’s other tongues in the
sea.

(laughter)

MATT: You do know, Keg, looking at the road,
you’re about at the point where you diverge from

the path to follow up the road but continue on to
Nogvurot, but to head to the Quannah Breach, and

eventually Shadycreek Run, is due north from where
you stand.

ASHLY: Do I know of any ways to not go through the
front gates? Is there any sort of circumventing I

could do?

MATT: Unfortunately, not without adding another
week or so travel through the mountains.

ASHLY: Ugh, okay. Never mind, then.

MATT: It’s possible, but it’s a treacherous
journey to move through the Dunrock Mountains to

get there.

SAM: When we arrive, they may have left word to
look out for us. They know what we look like. We

should have some sort of disguise. I know that you
and I can disguise ourselves. You can–

SUMALEE: I can too.

ASHLY: Beau and I are SOL.

MARISHA: Yeah. I have my cool reversible cloak.

SUMALEE: I can make you disappear for a while.

ASHLY: That would probably be good. How long?

SUMALEE: One hour.

ASHLY: How long does it take to get to
Shadycreek?

MATT: From where you are now, it’s a little under
two days travel.

SAM: When we get to the gates, we could maybe
just–

ASHLY: Slip in.

MATT: You do know that just beyond the Breach,
there is a gate that is guarded by one of the

families of the tribes. There is a toll that’s
taken as you pass through.

ASHLY: Okay. That would probably be a good idea.

SUMALEE: I can do that.

ASHLY: Thanks.

SAM: For you, we’ll find a fake mustache or
something?

LIAM: Are you able to do just one person?

SUMALEE: No, I think I’m able to do–

LIAM: Could you do the whole group?

SUMALEE: Yes, I can, right?

SAM: Right, God?

(laughter)

MARISHA: Is it Pass Without a Trace you’re looking
at?

MATT: That can help them hide if they want.

MARISHA: Yes, so as long as we stay within 30 feet
of you, we get plus ten to our stealth bonus,

which would be very helpful.

SAM: We don’t turn invisible.

MARISHA: Correct.

MATT: If anybody wants to hide, it does help out.

SAM: You guys could hide under the horses or
something.

ASHLY: Okay.

MARISHA: That’s badass. I like that.

MATT: Keg leading on to the north, you diverge
from the Glory Run Road, heading into the high

grasses of the North Marrow Valley. You continue
on for the better part of the day, taking breaks

as necessary, and for you to recover your forms.
You continue pushing on– not at a breakneck pace

for fear of catching up to your quarry, but enough
where you know at least you are keeping pace.

Eventually the light of the sky begins to grow dim
as the evening calls to you, at which point the

flurry has come. The snow begins to get heavier,
the darkness is darker than normal at dusk and the

air gets bitter cold. What do you wish to do to
set camp?

SAM: Do we still have the tents? Did we keep the
tents? We have the tents.

LIAM: We’ve taken everything, yeah.

ASHLY: Can I see through the dark with my night
vision?

MATT: You can see up to a 60-foot distance I
believe, and it’s a dim light.

ASHLY: Are there any structures around?

MATT: Make a perception check.

ASHLY: 19.

MATT: Pretty decent. The hills here– you don’t
see any structures per se, but if you take a

moment to walk around, you do see one hill that
has a bank that is eroded, and there is a bit of

an outcropping that may be about three or four
feet outward. If you were to all crowd in, it

might be able to prevent piercing wind and/or
continuous snowfall, but it would be pretty cozy.

ASHLY: Do you guys feel like cuddling?

MARISHA: Share body heat, keeps us warmer.

LIAM: Ugh.

ASHLY: I’ll keep watch. I’m kind of wide, so
you’ll have more room.

SAM: Okay. Let’s cuddle.

MATT: You guys gather up here on the underside of
this outcropping of the hill. Who’s taking first

watch? You, Keg? Make a perception check for your
watch, please.

MARISHA: Beau tries to get a spot next to Nila
because she’s large and fuzzy.

ASHLY: 15.

MATT: Looking out towards the distance, as
everyone else is silently sleeping in a cuddled,

spoon-like position at times, you glance out and
see a few shapes moving past. You see a few stars

blink out as shadows move past. You quietly lean
forward and begin to inspect and your eyes focus

at the outset of your darkvision. You notice a
small set of goats that are roving the plain,

making their way. The snow is falling and they’re
trying to find themselves to warmer climate.

LIAM: Were-goats.

MATT: You don’t know that.

ASHLY. Dangerous, violent were-goats.

MATT: You don’t find any other threat or anything
during your watch. Next watch?

MARISHA: I’ll take it.

MATT: Beau, make a perception check.

MARISHA: Six total.

MATT: Everything seems pretty kosher.

MARISHA: I’m a little zoned out.

MATT: During your watch is when the heavy part of
the storm begins to hit. No thunder. It’s just

very cold and you can see your breath, and you’re
having to involuntarily shiver as the cold kicks

in. You can see now the snow piling up and you’re
thankful, at this moment, that you found this

outcropping in Keg’s vision, because the distant
hills that are open are now heavily piling with

this soft, powdered snow. It’s starting to fall
and the wind is pushing through and some of it’s

hitting the left side of your face. It’s starting
to go a little numb and you have to brush it off

every now and then and try to do your best to dry
up the biting cold water that is melting against

your cheek. Nevertheless, your watch comes to an
end without an issue. Who wants to take the final watch?

SAM: I will.

LIAM: You and me, goblina.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: Make a perception check for me, please?

SAM: Oh boy. Four.

MATT: Well, you’re lucky, because nothing of note
happens during your watch. You are nervously

keeping your eyes out, just in case, waiting for
another reverse ambush, but nothing seems to catch

your attention. As the morning comes to, because
you guys managed to cuddle, I would like you all

to make a constitution saving throw with
advantage, please.

SAM, MARISHA, and ASHLY: Cuddle-vantage!

ASHLY: Oh, both terrible.

SAM: Both for me, too.

SAM: I rolled a two and a two, so four.

MARISHA: Is this a saving throw or just a check?

MATT: Constitution saving throw.

SAM: I do have my winter clothes. I bought them.
Just laying that out.

MATT: I’ll say the winter clothes and the
closeness of the group– sure. I’ll say you’ve

avoided, in your hearty goblin form– You’re used
to rough weather, anyway.

LIAM: Sam, you’re bonier than Gollum.

MATT: Keg, in full metal armor, not so much.

ASHLY: I add my modifier though, yes?

MATT: You do add your modifier.

ASHLY: Then it’s actually 15.

MATT: Yeah, you’re fine. You shrug it off without
issue.

LIAM: 21.

MATT: Caleb, your warm coat keeps you warm.

LIAM: Hearty German living.

MATT: Exactly. You’re used to these Zemnian
nights.

MARISHA: 12.

MATT: That’s enough to withstand it, not a
problem.

SUMALEE: 21.

MATT: While the forest definitely keeps insulation
to the storm, your body is well suited for extreme

weather as well. Actually– tricksy winter
clothes, but you got it.

SAM: No, you can–

MATT: No, you got them for a reason. That’s what
they’re there for. Because of the body heat and

everything, I’ll allow it.

LIAM: You’re like the little kid in A Christmas
Story, “I can’t put my arms down!”

MARISHA: So cute.

MATT: As you guys continue your trek northward for
the next day, you slowly push forward and watch as

the rolling hills of this northern valley begin to
even out. The high grasses growing dense and

dusted with snow in the wake of this snowstorm
that has passed through the night. It’s now this

beautiful, ice topped wonderland before you. As
the storm is past, breaks in the clouds begin to

slowly emerge and show you glimmers of blue in the
sky. With sunlight comes a welcome comparative warmth,

and this dusted field of diamonds begins to slowly
thaw over the midday’s journey. The looming peaks

of the Dunrock mountain range approach closer,
engulfing your horizon almost like a toothy jaw of

some ancient titan that surrounds your peripheral.
You can make out, as you get closer, the craggy

break in the mountains ahead, familiar to you.
It’s like a spiral fracture of a bone, where

suddenly what was once a solid mountain range
seems to have torn and sundered into two separate

ravines that seem to share a similar shape. This
you recognize as the Quannah Breach. You guys

begin to approach, by mid to late afternoon, the
front of the breach, where you can see six

crownsguard in a small outpost built at the base
of the Quannah Breach. These, as you know, are

usually folks that essentially warn people from
traveling into the Breach, and if they do, let

them know that any return is going to be probably
highly searched and highly inquired. They enforce

it, unless you slip them some coin. Then it’s not
an issue on the way back. They’re more there to

make money.

ASHLY: For appearances, yeah.

MATT: As you approach, familiar to you, a
crownsguard begins to put a hand up to the

approaching horses and say, “Hail!”

ASHLY: Oh, goddamn it.

MATT: “Where are you traveling to?”

ASHLY: Shadycreek.

MATT: “You have business in these cursed lands?”

ASHLY: Yeah, we’re trying to get fucked. Can we
move along?

MATT: “Well, your life is your own, as is your
business, but you must understand that coming back

"is no easy task. A thorough search and inquiry
into your person will be required–”

ASHLY: Yeah, blah, blah, blah. Can I give you a
couple of coins and you let us on our way, please?

MATT: “Very well.” How much do you give him?

ASHLY: How little will he take?

MATT: Customary to your experience and the times
that you’ve traveled with the Iron Shepherds, it’s

usually about two gold to just pass.

ASHLY: Okay, yeah.

MATT: He takes it and quietly lets you pass. Per
person.

SAM: Molly would want us to do this trip, maybe
Molly should pay.

MARISHA: Yeah, Molly pays the toll.

SAM: Thank you, Molly.

MARISHA: Two, four, six, eight, ten. Love you,
Taliesin.

MATT: Well, eight, because she pays herself.

SAM: Yeah, Molly wouldn’t want to pay for Keg.

SUMALEE: Thank you.

ASHLY: As he shouldn’t.

SUMALEE: I have gold pieces I can use later, too,
if you want them.

ASHLY: You’re not going to want to spend any of
that in Shadycreek Run. There’s nothing there for you.

SAM: Why, they don’t take money? Oh.

ASHLY: It’s just not a nice place.

SAM: When you’re home with your people, are you
one of the nicer ones, or are you a bad girl at

home? What’s your– how does it–

SUMALEE: I don’t know. I am one of the ones that–
not too many people rely on me.

SAM: They don’t rely on you?

SUMALEE: No.

SAM: Why?

SUMALEE: I think I am– There was always some
firbolg that was more powerful, stronger, smarter.

More capable. Eventually I grew to accept being
myself, and I prefer to support rather than be a

leader. This is my first time trying to be more
than who I am.

ASHLY: Keg does one of these to her in support.

SUMALEE: I do not know what that is, but I like
it. And I heard you use the word “fuck” again.

MARISHA: You know, maybe people don’t rely on you
because you haven’t been given the chance yet.

We’re certainly going to rely on you.

SUMALEE: That makes me happy.

MARISHA: It’ll be a good test run, at least, for
you. Then you can go back to your tribe and be

like, “Yo, people relied on me!”

ASHLY: “It was dope!”

MARISHA: “It was great, you should rely on me
more!”

ASHLY: “It was super tight!”

MARISHA and ASHLY: Yeah.

MARISHA: I don’t know. They probably won’t sound
like that.

LIAM: I kick my horse along.

MATT: As you travel through these winding ravines,
choosing the one to the right, which you know to

be the wider of the two, the low howl of the wind
that’s traversing these sheared twisted walls,

like a haunting, whistling, and moan sound. It
accompanies the brush growing more dense. The air

grows colder still, as white banks of snow and ice
frame various ledges and outcroppings along these

strangely curved and smoothly sheared cliffsides.
It feels like a giant had grabbed a mountain range

and tore it in two and there’s an even break on
each side. It winds and curves. It’s like a

natural labyrinth. A few miles through this
strange maze, you’re met with a makeshift wall and

a ten-foot wooden gate. Your eyes, at first,
notice a few dozen wooden poles carved into spikes

that emerge from the ground, pointed in your
direction from the base, many of which are stained

dark while others still bear the weathered skulls
of warning. Three armored folk stand there; two

human men and a half-orc woman all bearing weapons
and watching you carefully as you approach.

ASHLY: This isn’t the gate, right?

MATT: This is the gate.

ASHLY: Oh, it is?

MATT: You’ve reached the edge of the Quannah
Breach and turned to the final bastion outside of

the Empire.

ASHLY: But it’s not the gate into Shadycreek Run.

MATT: It’s the gate into the region of Shadycreek
Run.

SAM: This is the gate we need to hide in?

MATT: This is.

ASHLY: But they see us?

MATT: Well, they’ve noticed you begin to turn and
approach–

SAM: Quick, hide! Hide, quick!

MATT: You would know this is coming because you’ve
traveled this before.

ASHLY: Okay, so we wouldn’t have turned the
corner.

MATT: I’m describing it as you– or you’re
describing it as you’re about to turn the corner.

ASHLY: Okay.

LIAM: Rewind the tape just a little bit.

ASHLY: (rewinds) So!

SAM: So that’s just literally around this corner?

ASHLY: Just right around– If we went even just a
few feet that way, whoo whee! Guards, big old

gate. It would have been– oh, man.

LIAM: We were going at a pretty good pace there.

ASHLY: You guys are lucky that I stopped just a
few feet right before we would have all seen the

gate. You’re welcome. You know, I’m really earning
my keep here. So!

SAM: So hide! Or something, right?

ASHLY: The plan was you guys can make yourselves
look different?

SAM: Yes.

ASHLY: Then you’re going to make us invisible and
then you’re going to be a horse?

SUMALEE: I can do that.

ASHLY: I’ll get used to that eventually. Okay.
Cool.

MARISHA: You guys are going to have three horses
and then two riders.

ASHLY: Do we have stuff to put on the third horse
to make it look like a pack?

LIAM: Yeah. We could just take everything off our
horses and gather it.

MARISHA: Okay.

LIAM: Yeah?

ASHLY: Yeah.

MARISHA: We’ll hide under the horse like Indiana
Jones-style, basically? Holding on underneath?

Okay, that’s going to take some grip strength, but
I’m into it.

SAM: Wait! Maybe if one of our horses is a pack
horse, you could be on top of the horse wrapped in

a blanket or something. You’re part of the gear
that the horse is carrying.

MARISHA: Do they search you on the way in?

SAM: Oh.

ASHLY: Do they search us on the way in?

MATT: Depends on if you pay them on the way
through.

ASHLY: We’ll have to pay them.

SAM: We can pay.

ASHLY: Yeah. I think this one’s a little bit more
expensive, though. Isn’t it? Probably. The deeper

we get in? Or is it the same?

MATT: You know that the previous gate– Generally
you don’t have to pay them, the one you entered?

It just helps you with “no questions asked” issue.
This is the gate run by the Uteloch family of the

tribes and they enforce it both as a means of
making money and to know who’s coming and going.

ASHLY: Mm-hmm. Okay.

MATT: So it’s an equal price to what you were
paying previously.

ASHLY: We should definitely pay it, though.

SAM: Which plan do we want? You hiding under the
horses or you hiding on the horse as suitcases?

ASHLY: I can hide under the horse.

MARISHA: I’ll hide as suitcase. I’ll be a bundle.

LIAM: We lie you over the horse and we put a bunch
of shit on top of you, yeah?

SAM: Okay.

LIAM: Then you are going to do some sort of horse
magic that makes us– sorry, I’m unclear.

Invisible or–?

MARISHA: More stealthy.

SUMALEE: You are invisible to people. To others.

SAM: I believe that.

SUMALEE: You don’t have to change shape.

ASHLY: It might be helpful so there’s not–

SAM: You can make us totally invisible.

SUMALEE: I think so!

MARISHA: You give us a bonus to our stealth.

SAM: Ask your god.

LIAM: You cannot.

SUMALEE: Aw.

LIAM: But what you can do, it’s still useful
here.

MARISHA: Is it makes us more hideable.

LIAM: If the people who are hiding try to look
like– covered in cloth and shit and try to look

like cloth–

SUMALEE: It’ll pass.

LIAM: You can make it more believable.

MARISHA: You know the blanket in Lord of the
Rings?

SUMALEE: Yes.

MARISHA: The cloak–

SUMALEE: On the raft.

MARISHA: It’s like that.

SUMALEE: Got it. I will turn the blankets into–

MARISHA: Rocky things. Sounds good.

LIAM: This whole pow wow was happening around the
bend.

ASHLY: Guards are like–

SUMALEE: Wait, what happens after we get through,
though?

SAM: Then we can do whatever we want.

LIAM: No, we keep going for a while–

ASHLY: It will be a little bit of a ride.

LIAM: Keep up appearances. Yeah? You’re going
carry these two. They’re both going to lie on top

of your horseback.

ASHLY: I can’t be on a horse. Just me. I’m too
heavy.

LIAM: Too heavy?

ASHLY: I’ll break her. Right? Because I can’t–

MATT: A single horse you can do.

ASHLY: A single horse I could be on. It couldn’t
be me and Beau. Or me and one of you.

LIAM: She’s like all sticks, though.

MATT: With Beau it’s possible. Not at a full run,
but at a travel journey, you could probably do it.

MARISHA: Or I could be a pack on one of your guys’
horse.

LIAM: She could be on our horse.

SAM: Yes, yes.

LIAM: Because you and I are skin and bones.

ASHLY: I’ll be on top of you, if that’s okay.

SUMALEE: That’s fine.

ASHLY: Okay.

SUMALEE: And I will make you Pass Without a
Trace.

MATT: In this shady ravine, just as it comes to an
end before entering this next valley, the shadows

seem to coalesce and cling to you and where
previously the light itself is shaded and dim.

It’s almost like you’re stepping through
moonlight.

MARISHA: Almost like?

MATT: Well, meaning like looking at those of you
in the radius, it’s like it’s nighttime where

you’re standing. The shadows are heavier. The
blacks are crushed.

ASHLY: We’ve both got stuff on top of us to make
us look like–

MARISHA: Mm-hmm. I’m wrapped in a bedroll.

LIAM: Ja I mutter a few words and suddenly look
like an old coot with a band of hair around the

sides and my jaw is off to the side a bit and it’s
missing a few teeth and very squinty. That’s me.

MATT: Like Robert Duvall, good.

LIAM: Yeah, that’s it.

SAM: I will mutter a few words and turn into–

ASHLY: What was this drawing back here?

SAM: Oh, which one?

ASHLY: Penis man.

LIAM: Stop the game! What’s the drawing? Hold it
up.

ASHLY: Sorry, out of character. Excuse me.

LIAM: Let’s see!

SAM: It’s a dick man with a drink.

(laughter)

SAM: It was a me and Laura collab.

LIAM: Somebody was talking, having a moment. Then
you draw a dick man.

SAM: I’ll make myself look like Rissa.

MATT: Okay, perfect.

SAM: Because I know that one.

LIAM: Rissa and Robert Duvall.

MATT: Those of you who are trying to be
inconspicuous, which would be Beau and Keg, go

ahead and make general stealth checks.

MARISHA: Plus ten, right?

ASHLY: Come on, baby. That’s not great. Nine.

MARISHA: Add ten to your roll your plus stealth.

ASHLY: Oh, 19.

MATT: That is what the spell does.

ASHLY: I see.

MARISHA: It’s not good for me either. 21 with the
buff.

SAM: Thank god for the buff.

ASHLY: Woo!

MATT: Okay, as you guys turn the corner, you now
see the gate and the spikes and the warning skulls

and everything.

SAM: It’s not as good as you described it.

ASHLY: I don’t know a lot of adjectives. I’m not a
great storyteller. I said it’s a gate and there

are people there. What else do you need to know?
You need the fucking colors and the designs.

SAM: You had smells and you had shapes and
everything, but this is–

LIAM: Shut the fuck up!

MATT: As you approach, the half-orc steps forward
and goes, “Hey, you! Where you headed today?”

SAM: Shadycreek Run.

MATT: “Well, you pass through the breach, you pay
the toll.”

SAM: All right.

LIAM: Yes, we have that.

MATT: “Good. Pay up.”

SAM: How much?

MATT: “Two gold each.”

LIAM: Oh yeah. Okay.

SAM: You know what? I’ll get it. Don’t even look.
I got this one. Here you go, four from me.

MARISHA: Yeah, that’s good.

MATT: “All right. Let them in!” She steps back in
line with the two other they pull the two gates

and pull open as the wood clacks against the sides
of the gates. You all make your way through as the

guards watch as you pass in. For a nervous moment,
you see the eyes pass over the two other riders,

but make no issue as you continue inward. You hear
the gates (clunking) behind you. Now, looking

ahead, you can see the curvature of the ravine
opens up into a widening valley. You see a

limitless forest of climbing pines, spruce-like
trees, only the common green you expect stands

instead an unexpected purple-gray in color. This
wide blanket before you of this deep valley of

fading purple and gray color at the tops of theses
trees. Along the tree line, you can see a

sprawling and matted line of snow-capped
buildings, hovels, and mud-covered streets that

vanish into this dense forest. The city does not
keep the normal cohesive shape of most, instead

being a long line built along the tree edge and
some sort of river or creek that it has been

constructed against. It is a weird, crooked, long
town that vanishes into the branches and leaves.

You’re no longer within the Dwendalian Empire.
Welcome to the Greying Wildlands.

SAM: The Greying Wildlands.

MATT: And to the lawless town of Shadycreek Run.
Anything you wish to do before you head to the

city proper?

ASHLY: We’re still obscured, Beau and I?

MATT: Obscured in the sense that you’re
inconspicuous in dress.

ASHLY: Right, but that’s still happening? That
spell is for an hour? Okay.

LIAM: Do you have any place where we can lay up?

ASHLY: There are two places I would recommend.
There is this place called the Plaza Emporium. A

pleasant but can be murderous dragonborn runs
that. She’s not affiliated with any of the

unseemly folks directly, so she’s a bit more
neutral. We might be able to get information from her.

LIAM: Does she murder everybody or does–

ASHLY: Only people who piss her off, so be on your
best behavior. The Landlocked Lady is a brothel.

We might want to cover Nila’s eyes. It’s run by
the Marduns, who happen to be–

SAM: That’s who we’re looking for.

ASHLY: And they are the rival family of the folks
that employ the Iron Shepherds.

SAM: That seems like where we should go, because
the Iron Sheps won’t be there to poke around and

find us.

LIAM: That is correct.

MARISHA: What is the name of that place again?

ASHLY, LIAM, and SAM: The Landlocked Lady.

ASHLY: The proprietor is kind of a skeeze ball, as
you would imagine. Not necessarily the most

trustworthy guy, but it is run by the Marduns. So
of the safe places in the town, that’s probably up there.

LIAM: Are you still laying across the back of a
horse or have you pulled yourself up?

ASHLY: I have a little opening that I made for
myself.

(laughter)

ASHLY: It’s just my face with a cigarette still.

MATT: This little–

SAM: Our horse is smoking.

MARISHA: Amazing.

SAM: I vote Landlocked Lady.

LIAM: Of course.

MARISHA: (muffled) I agree.

SAM and MATT: All right.

SAM: Lead us there with smoke signals.

ASHLY: That way.

MATT: A short ride you eventually hit the outside
of this township. Walking into the main street,

you can see they’re slick with mud and dirty snow.
Ragged peasants clutter the alleyways, looking

your way with hands extended for some sort of alms
they’re hoping to find.

LIAM: (spits)

SAM: Ugh, gross.

MATT: An emaciated dog growls at you from a nearby
doorstep and then darts off down the road behind

where you passed. A wagon appears stuck in the mud
as you pass it, rough-looking folk tugging at it

and stopping to stare you down as you slowly move
past. They continue their work. You nearly step

over someone with your horse who appears to be
passed out, face down in a patch of dirty snow. A

bit of crimson rests at their side. They’re not
moving. As you circle around them you watch as two

rough-looking fellows in hide clad armor come and
inspect him. As you glance over your shoulder, you

watch as they rummage through his pockets, lift up
his not moving body and dump him in one of the

nearby alleys and keep on walking. You see no
Crownsguard.

SAM: Oh man.

MATT: This is the first town any of you have been
in that has no watch. No law keepers. The road

doesn’t go far north from where you enter as most
of the town is this long stretched bar, so within

15 minutes you’ve hit the plaza. The central plaza
to the town that you know as the Clover Plaza. You

see log benches dotting the open area, while a
four story tower of motley colored stones stands

vigil over the area. Two balconies and a top,
housing crossbow and longbow wielding roughnecks.

You know these to be Taskers. You’re heading
towards The Landlocked Lady? Easy to see. On the

eastern side of this plaza, there is a very
beautiful, two story complex, that comparably

seems ostentatious against the buildings
immediately to the right and left of it which look

to be in serious disrepair and rather rundown and
colorless. Just bland woods, gray and brown. Here

you can see the second story above the main archway,
a curved top arch, there is a false bow of a

ship that is emerging outward. This beautifully
carved mermaid in the front that is clutching the

piercing front of the ship. There it rests with a
sign dangling from it, saying The Landlocked Lady.

MARISHA: I totally get the name of the place now.

SAM: It’s a consistent brand.

MARISHA: It’s very clever.

LIAM: In Zadash, it would look like shit, but here
it’s the belle of the ball.

MATT: Comparably, yes.

MARISHA: It seems that they don’t have a strong
housing code. They can get away with these more

unique builds. It’s very fascinating.

SAM: Sure, it’s really interesting architecture.

MATT: It’s like Shanghai, China; everything looks
different.

ASHLY: How far away are the Taskers? Did we just
pass by them?

MATT: You’re skirting around the outside of the
main Tasker tower. They’re scattered around, and

as you guys are walking around, you see most of
the people that live in the city are in absolute

squalor and are here out of necessity, are here
because they came seeking some sort of fortune and

failed, or they’ve come to indulge in vices that
have slowly crushed them. The other half of the

populace are usually armored to some extent,
whether it be patchwork hides, chain, leathers.

Almost everyone here is armed, even on a scale of
poverty there seems to be a general sense of

needing protection amongst the chaos. Some folks
look like they’re trying not to be seen, many

parade their thickened arms. You see one female,
privateer looking individual, that comes through

the streets and spits on somebody who’s huddled by
one of the stumps. Growls at them before

continuing to walk on. It’s a very unique and
curious motley group of people that call this

place home.

ASHLY: If I talk to them will I be heard?

MATT: If you talk to–?

SAM: Us.

ASHLY: If I talk to the crew?

MATT: No one’s close enough to you, you think, if
you’re quiet enough.

ASHLY: I point out the Tasker tower behind us and
I say: Those are the Taskers. Those are probably

the only other people in this shithole that might
be of use.

SAM: Of use? They’re good guys?

ASHLY: As much as anyone’s a good guy here. They
try not to get– they try to prevent the innocent

from getting killed or fucked over. Obviously,
they’re not particularly successful, but they’re

not under the thumb of any particular group.

LIAM: Are they altruists though or are they
mercenaries?

ASHLY: It’s altruistic, strangely. I kind of
forgot about them because we always thought they

were nerds. But now I’m trying to be a little bit
better. They might be helpful.

SAM: Do they have a uniform, or how do you know
them? How do you know who they are, how can you

identify them?

MATT: What you can tell about the Taskers is they
wear chain shirts with one leather shoulder

pauldron that is painted blue. I say painted blue
because most of their uniform is whatever they can

put together to create some sort of consistency.
There is no built uniform. What you’re used to

seeing with Crownsguard, and any other royal
military where things are built with fine

craftsmanship, everything here is put together and
slapdash. That one uniform mark is usually the

chain shirt and the one blue shoulder armor. Some
people paint it completely, some put a line on it

and leave it there like a, “Fuck you, I’m not
going to finish it.”

SAM: They’re like Hell’s Angels.

MATT: Kind of. For the most part, they’re keeping
an eye out in the sense that they don’t want

complete anarchy.

ASHLY: They still want money for their services,
but they’re slightly less assholeish than the most.

MATT: They’re not going to stop someone from
spitting on a peasant, but if all of a sudden a

giant riot breaks out, they will break it up and
beat everybody up till it stops.

SAM: Okay.

MARISHA: It’s kind of cool.

ASHLY: Closest thing to law that exists here.

SAM: Okay, thank you. (louder) Thank you, horse,
for riding us this far!

SUMALEE: I can’t say anything, right, in my horse
form? I can nod.

LIAM: (horse huffing)

MATT: You do keep your mental stats in beast form.
I’ve seen it argued back and forth, and I’m pretty

sure when we had you in your elemental form last
campaign, people were saying that you could still

technically talk in that form.

MARISHA: Yeah, but I didn’t talk as animals. I
wasn’t talking.

MATT: That’s right. You’re unable to actually
speak in the animal form, but you can still communicate.

MARISHA: As elementals I was like: Run! Jump! Oh
shit!

SAM: That’s what you are like now.

(laughter)

MARISHA: I reverted, that’s all.

LIAM: Keg, if we find an alleyway to drop you out
of sight of you suddenly appearing, can you walk

around this town, or is that dangerous?

ASHLY: In some places it’s dangerous. There’s a
place called The Trench that the Iron Shepherds in

this area always hang out in.

SAM: The Trench?

ASHLY: The Trench. It’s in this area. It’s not a
huge place, right?

MATT: It’s a fairly decent sized tavern. It’s one
of the more populated areas.

ASHLY: That’s where they hang out.

MATT: Every now and then.

LIAM: How stupid is it for you to walk up on open
road in this place?

ASHLY: I think it’s probably best for me not to
be.

SAM: Let’s go in the brothel. We’re here, right?
We can stay here, or we go in here? Do I have to

fuck somebody in there?

ASHLY: Why are you worried about this? They would
be worried about having to fuck you, my man.

SAM: I’m a lady.

ASHLY: My lady. I call everyone my man.

SAM: But yes, you’re right. You’re right, that’s a
fair point.

ASHLY: If any of the Marduns are there, we might
be able to– to be honest guys, there’s not a lot

of options, but we might be able to get some help
from them. I don’t know for sure. In any case,

it’s a place to regroup. This brothel is not in
the business of spilling everybody’s secrets out.

SAM: Let’s go in.

LIAM: Ja, one second, though. Which way from
here are these Iron Chefs located?

ASHLY: They’re north of this, yes, Matt? The Sour
Nest is?

MATT: The Sour Nest is northeast of where you are
in the city. It’s beyond this city, into the

actual Savalierwood. About maybe two hours’
travel.

LIAM: Two hours’ travel?

SAM: That’s their headquarters, right?

MATT: Beyond the city. The northern half of the
city is almost entirely within the forest itself.

LIAM: Okay. In that direction?

ASHLY: Yeah.

MARISHA: It’s in the walls of the city, or in city
limits?

MATT: No, The Sour Nest is beyond the city. It’s
its own little stronghold that exists separate

from the city itself.

LIAM: Can you describe to me what it looks like?
Is it noticeable?

ASHLY: God? What does it look like?

MATT: It’s noticeable. It’s half a mansion, half a
small stronghold. It has gates around it, heavy

walls that have spears atop them.

[wheels rolling]

MATT: Hey, you’re in a town.

SAM: Yeah! The caravan just came by.

MATT: It’s two story, and there’s a subterranean
basement floor to it. They do have hired guard

that keep watch on it while they’re away, and
occasionally while they’re there. I can eventually

provide you with a layout, because you would know.
You’ve been there a number of times.

[clomping]

SAM: I love it! It’s so good.

SUMALEE: That’s was me expressing my happiness.

(laughter)

ASHLY: It’s up to you. We can go up there now if
you want.

LIAM: No, I do not want to go up there now. I was
thinking of maybe sending my cat, but that can

wait. Let’s go into this place.

MARISHA: Is it safe for me and Keg to hop out
without it looking shifty?

MATT: There is an alley off to the side that if
you wait for a moment for nobody watching, you

guys would be able to step out.

MARISHA: We do that.

MATT: You have the opportunity to revert, if you
wish.

SUMALEE: I actually feel safer in my animal form
in this crazy place.

SAM: You’re going to– (shouting) You’re going to
stay in the alley while we go inside?

SUMALEE: All right.

MARISHA: I think horses have regular hearing.

SAM: Nope. They’re mostly deaf.

SUMALEE: I will shift back to my regular self. You
make a good point, but this place is not making

Nila happy.

ASHLY: I apologize in advance for all the shit
you’re about to see. I open the door.

MATT: As you guys hitch the horses to one of the
hitching post off to the side, you make your way

into the brothel. And that’s where we’re going to
take a break.

SUMALEE: Phew. Nila’s like: Thank god! Let me
regroup!

MATT: We’re going to take a little break here.
We’ll be back here in a few minutes, guys. The

giveaway we have today, we have a Bolivian
rosewood Hero Vault, with Celtic knot. It looks

pretty awesome. It’s magnet-based, and has your
character vault. You can put your minis in it. You

can put your dice in there. It’s awesome. Go on
and head on over to the Critical Role Twitch chat,

that’s twitch.tv/criticalrole during the break and
enter the keyword “revenge.” Only enter it once.

Any more than that and you’re disqualified from
the giveaway.

SAM: Forever.

MATT: Forever! No, but we’ll come back from the
break with a winner here for you guys, and we’ll

see you here in a few minutes.

[break]

MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome back! First, we
have our winner for the break. The winner is

Wundur. W-U-N-D-U-R. Wundur, congratulations.
Chandra will whisper you and get your information

and get that sent out to you. Well done. Getting
us back in. As you guys step through the archway,

the double doors opening as Keg pushes and leads
you inside. The first thing that hits you is a

fresh smell of lavender, a vanilla incense that
strikes your senses, stinging your eyes with its

potency. On the inside, you can see a handful of
round tables of which two patrons are currently

eating a meal that has been placed before them.

ASHLY: I really thought you were going to say
something else.

SAM: Eating a dead body.

MATT: Possibly, or a live one. You can see candles
that are placed at the center there, these fine

silks have been placed. It’s such a stark shift
from the dreary and generally muck-covered

exterior of this city, to step into what seems
oppressively luxurious. Though the closer you

look, everything is frayed at the edges.
Everything seems to have been here for a while or

seems to have been weathered through travel or
use. The immediate shine begins to fade as you

begin to see how much of this is probably a fair
amount of work to keep the upkeep of the facade of

luxury. To the left of you, you can see a carved
window-like bar or a desk and there behind it you

can see a human man, probably in his late 30s. His
hair, very short, and the male pattern baldness is

just starting to set in. You can see a bit of the
shine of the back of his head begin to poke

through. He has a very well kept handlebar
mustache that curves out very wide to each side of

his face, and a pointed Van Dyke matching beard
point that comes to the bottom. He has a vest over

a light green billowing shirt that has a wide
collar that curves out to the sides. As you enter

and take in, he immediately glances over to meet
your gaze and goes, “Why hello everyone, glad you

"could make it. Welcome! Welcome to the Landlocked
Lady. How could I be of service? Oh, you are a big one!”

SUMALEE: I am.

MATT: “Wonderful, are you looking for work?”

ASHLY: No, she’s not.

MATT: “No worries. Well, you’re here for a reason,
I presume. Do tell me what do you seek? We have

"rooms for rent, companionship to join as well.
What do you seeking?”

MARISHA: We’ll need all of that above and a little
bit more.

SAM: Well, I mean not the companionship.

MARISHA: I’ve had a hard week

SAM: Oh!

MARISHA: What were you saying?

ASHLY: Champ, right?

MATT: “Yes? Do I know you?”

SAM: Champ?

MARISHA: Champ? His name’s Champ!

ASHLY: Maybe? His name’s Champ. Told you it was a
shitter! Yeah, you might know me. Hey, are your

bosses around bosses around by any chance?

MATT: “My bosses?”

ASHLY: The people that actually own this place, I
know you like to pretend.

MATT: “Are you referring to–?”

ASHLY: The Marduns.

MATT: “The Marduns are not around here today.
They are at the Estate Sybaritic.”

ASHLY: What?

MATT: “It’s their estate, its where they live.”

MARISHA: Sybaritic?

LIAM: Sitaritic?

MATT: Sybaritic.

ASHLY: Do I know where that is?

MATT: You’ve passed by it, you’ve never been
there.

ASHLY: Is it an insight to see if he’s lying?

MATT: Yes, you may.

ASHLY: Fuck! Critical one.

MATT: He’s a shifty motherfucker, and you’re not
entirely certain he’s telling the truth or not,

but seems honest enough. “Lord Anselm does pass
through on occasion, but he’s not here today. The

"rest of them I’m sure are busy with their own
business, but if I see any of them, I could ask,

"see if they’re being summoned by– what is your
name?”

ASHLY: It’s, um–

SAM: The Mighty Nein?

ASHLY: I’m trying to come up with a fake name.

SAM: Oh.

ASHLY: Rick.

MARISHA: Nailed it.

ASHLY: Rick is my name.

MATT: Make a deception check.

(laughter)

ASHLY: Really? You’re not going to let that slide?
19!

SUMALEE: Rick it is!

MATT: Plus?

ASHLY: 19, yeah.

MATT: “Rick? Very well. I’ll make a note. If this
is pressing business, you are more than welcome to

"attempt to summon them at the estate, as I know
not how often they pass through, but in the

"meantime, you said you wished rooms and company?”

SAM: Yes, we’ll need rooms for sure.

MATT: “How many?”

ASHLY: Give us a second there, Champ. I don’t
really feel like I want to stay around this guy

that much longer. Do you guys want to go to this
estate, or do you want to stay here?

SAM: The estate? What would we do there?

SUMALEE: I do not like this man.

ASHLY: Yeah, that makes two of us, Nila. I don’t
know; that’s where the Marduns are. You were

looking for them anyway, right?

SAM: We’re looking for one of their family, but we
don’t know enough to march up there and say, “Hey,

"we’re looking for your daughter.” We don’t even
know if it’s a daughter, or a niece or something.

I don’t know.

MATT: All the information that you have from The
Gentleman is that an individual named Ophelia

Mardun, who is a friend of his, he sent you up to
give her aid with a problem that she’s having.

SAM: We don’t know if she’s on the outs with her
family, if they’re the ones who had her killed or

kidnapped. We don’t know anything. We’d be
marching into a big question mark.

MARISHA: Maybe we’ll get lucky, and the problem
she wants help with is the Iron Shepherds. Two

birds with one stone, we win. Still going along
with that plan.

ASHLY: (laughs) The plan has not changed.

MARISHA: Has not changed.

ASHLY: It’s the same plan.

MARISHA: The Molly problem was a hiccup. Seems
kind of cold. Anyway.

ASHLY: You’re working on it.

SUMALEE: I have something I’d like to do now. In
these moments, I have a little bag of treasures

that I smell. They’re little treasures that I
collect along the way of things that are

significant and meaningful to me. If I smell it,
it tells me what the experience will be like. If

we leave this man and go to this Ophelia Mardun,
let me see what my smell check does. Okay?

SAM: It’s like telling a fortune, but with
smelling things. All right.

MARISHA: That’s pretty crazy.

ASHLY: Is she just getting high?

MARISHA: She might be.

MATT: Nila pulls up this small pouch with a
leather flap on the front, and pulling it open

there is, within a moment, a pungent smell that is
a mixture of earthy, almost mossy scents, mixed

with spice, mixed with rotted vegetation, mixed
with a bad cheese. It’s a plethora of smells, and

they come in waves. She buries her nose into this
for a second and takes a huge (sniffing).

SUMALEE: Do I know what I sense, or will you tell
me what I sense?

MATT: Make a wisdom check.

LIAM: This is what she does in brothels?

SAM: I don’t know if she knows what a brothel is.

MATT: Add your wisdom modifier.

SUMALEE: 17. Oh no, wait. 14.

MATT: The smell comes into you, and amongst the
barrage of various smells, you catch a rosy, sweet

smell that cuts through the rest.

SUMALEE: Yes. We should go to see this Ophelia. It
will be a good outcome.

LIAM: You have had a lot of luck predicting things
with this stink pouch?

SUMALEE: Oh, yes. It is not stinky, though. You
may smell it, if you wish.

LIAM: What do I smell?

MATT: Make a wisdom check.

LIAM: Oh, that’s pretty good. 19.

MATT: You get a faint whiff of sawdust that
quickly shifts into a very old, molded, after a

rain leather.

LIAM: Oh, well, yes, I’m convinced. We should
definitely just march up to the estate.

ASHLY: Wait, I want a hit! It’s not going to go
well.

SUMALEE: I did not know that this works for
others.

ASHLY: Oh yeah, it’s a nine.

MATT: As you get close–

SAM: (fart noise)

MATT: You don’t even get that close to it. You
have a fairly strong sense of smell, and while

some smells in your experiences of the world have
put you aback, you can’t even describe this

odorous musk that hits your nostrils, causing your
entire face to wrinkle and recoil.

ASHLY: Never mind, I was wrong! We shouldn’t go!

MATT: At this point, Champ, who has leaned
forward, watching this, goes, “Out of my

"curiosity, I’m now invested. Might I have a sniff
as well?”

(laughter)

SAM: Everyone’s sniffing your bag!

SUMALEE: It is filled with so many wonderful
things. I promise you. Wait a minute. I do not

want him to smell this.

SAM: She doesn’t want you to smell her bag.

MATT: “I didn’t want a piece of the stink pouch
anyway.”

SUMALEE: I’m sorry.

SAM: It’s something you have to earn. Maybe
tomorrow.

SUMALEE: Wait, let me smell. Oh, all right. Here.

MATT: (sniffs) “No, no. Lesson learned.” His eyes
start watering. “Would you like a room for the

"night? What are your preferences?”

SAM: Maybe we should get a room or two. That way,
if everything goes wrong, if we’re indeed going to

go to this estate, then we could at least have
somewhere to crash.

MATT: “I must warn you, if it’s more to a room and
you require a companion, the group rates are a bit

"more expensive.”

ASHLY: He means slumber parties. If we all want to
have a nice rest together, just sleeping, it’s

more money.

SUMALEE: We have that in my clan, too. We all set
up a huge nest of leaves and sleep together.

MATT: “Are you sure you’re not looking for work?”

SUMALEE: No.

MARISHA: Maybe we shouldn’t stay here. What time
of day is it?

MATT: At this point, it’s almost dusk. You guys
have traveled the better part of your second day

to even get here.

LIAM: Well, perhaps we don’t want to show up on
these people’s doorstep as the sun is going down.

Why don’t we spend a night here? You were looking
for some companionship. You can work on that.

SAM: We can ask around. Maybe the clientele might
know some things about the Sheps.

ASHLY: That’s not a bad idea.

LIAM: Sure, we can talk to the clientele. Maybe
you should hang back.

SAM: I think I fit in in this town, but they might
recognize me.

LIAM: How do you mean?

SAM: No, I mean, the Iron Shepherds know my face,
but it seems like there’s so many weirdos in this

town that, I don’t know. No one seemed to be
looking at me funny when we walked in. Oh, wait, I

was dressed as a gnome, that’s why. Never mind.

(laughter)

MARISHA: To be fair, this isn’t The Iron
Shepherds’ hideout, we said, right?

LIAM: Yeah, that’s outside of the city, into the
woods.

MARISHA: Seems like they wouldn’t come here. Rival
family.

ASHLY: Is it safe to say that they keep to
themselves?

MATT: For the most part, yeah. They only come into
town to occasionally drink and essentially parade

dominance. Every now and then checking in to
assert their reputation, and if they have to do

other bits of dirty work. They are slavers by
normal trade, but they do other things for the

Jagentoths, if need be.

ASHLY: They wouldn’t feel it necessary to tell
anyone else about us?

MATT: You’re not entirely certain. It depends on
if they assume they’re being chased, or they feel

like the demonstration was enough, but you don’t
know.

ASHLY: All right.

SAM: Spend the night here, then?

LIAM: Yeah, I think so. We’ve been traveling all
day. We stay here, we get up. We don’t know

anything about where the Shepherds– We know
nothing about their stronghold, just what you’re

able to tell us, but that doesn’t tell us how many
people are there now, what we are going to be up

against. We talk to the Marduns tomorrow, figure
out the next step from there.

MARISHA: Yeah, let’s formulate a plan in the
morning. I can’t think right now. I’m a little out

of it.

ASHLY: All right. Champ, she sleeps alone. No
funny business, all right?

MATT: “Of course not. I have a business to run.”

SUMALEE: Thank you.

MARISHA: I’ll take a room for myself, please.

MATT: “All right. For a singular room rate for the
night, that will be one gold, five silver.”

MARISHA: I arrange for companionship and drinks.

MATT: “Any preference of companion? We have a
spectrum to choose from.”

MARISHA: It feels weird going and picking someone
out. That feels dirty.

MATT: “Would you prefer it a surprise?”

MARISHA: Yeah. Just make her hot, please.

MATT: “Her. That is a preference. Very well.” Goes
and writes something down. “Can be done. For a

"night’s companionship, do you wish just for an
evening’s stay, or for the night over?”

MARISHA: No, just an hour, and then I want to be
alone, please.

MATT: That will be an additional five gold
pieces.

MARISHA: All right. Then I get really drunk, and I
go to my room for the night. Send up booze.

MATT: “An additional five silver. Just racking up
the tab, then.” The rest of you?

SAM: We’ll have a room by ourselves.

MATT: “The four of you?”

SAM: Oh, no, I mean–

SUMALEE: I don’t mind staying with you.

ASHLY: No, we’re fine, just sleeping.

MATT: “Very well, suit yourself, but I’ll be here
for most of the night, if you change your mind.”

ASHLY: Unless– No judgment if you want to–

LIAM: No, we have been together a long time, so
we’re used to–

ASHLY: Oh, you’re together.

LIAM: Sure.

SAM: Not like that.

ASHLY: Oh. Okay. I was going to say I think you
could do better, but anyway.

LIAM: I don’t know if that was called for at all.

ASHLY: Sorry.

SAM: No, you’re absolutely right. He is handsome,
and he could do much better than a little

freakshow like me. He could meet any girl in town
and sweep her off her feet.

LIAM: Shush. This one and myself will take one
room.

ASHLY: I’ll go with Nila, then.

MATT: “All right. Two per room, that’s two gold
for the group rate, so four gold for the two

"additional rooms, please.”

LIAM: I will handle the two gold for Nott and
myself.

ASHLY: I’ll do the two gold for us.

MATT: “All right.” He gives a key to each of you
for each room.

SUMALEE: Thank you. I was going to give it for us,
but next time.

ASHLY: No problem.

LIAM: Oh, boy.

SAM: What? Do you have any gold left?

LIAM: Sure, I’m good.

ASHLY: Sorry, Nott. You’re a great gal. It’s the
occasional tongue-eating, is mostly what I was

referring to.

LIAM: You know, maybe quit while you’re ahead.
Nott, come on, let’s go upstairs.

MATT: You guys all scatter to your separate
chambers and find yourselves a, as restful as it

can be given the events recently, night’s sleep.
Beau, drunkenly, you have enough consciousness to

recall eventually a knock at your door.

MARISHA: Oh. Right. I open the door.

MATT: Standing there, you see an amber-skinned
elven woman, a little older than you, with very

bright, almost platinum hair that is pulled up
into a high ponytail that drifts past the

shoulders, seeming a very sheer negligee.

MARISHA: Uhh… Hi.

SAM: Looking up the spell?

LIAM: No, something else. You’re good. Go on, get
it on.

MARISHA: What’s your name?

MATT: “Vorsah.” She pushes you in the room and
closes the door.

MARISHA: Okay!

MATT: Cut to black.

SUMALEE: Nila was going to cover her ears.

LIAM: You’re probably nailing a 250-year-old!

MARISHA: Hot!

SAM: Oh, elven aging! Cougar!

MARISHA: Yeah, exactly!

MATT: (singing) Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson. The
morning eventually comes, some of you more

hungover than others, but as you come to and
gather yourselves and wash for the coming day, you

hear the sounds of almost broken roosters outside.
They call: this horrible, terrible– It’s a harsh

north this side of Wildemount for these poor
birds.

LIAM: Welcome to Deadwood!

MATT: This is very much the Deadwood of the
continent. You can already hear the town coming

alive outside; the occasional shouts– you’re
unable to make out the words, but the morning has

definitely kicked in. You gather your things and
make your way down to the bottom floor where Champ

is not currently there. There’s somebody else–
looks to be a younger man, probably in his late

teens, early 20s. He appears to be half-elven,
with this curly mop of bright-red hair on the top

and a smile, and he’s currently going through a
ledger of some kind.

ASHLY: Do I recognize him?

MATT: You do not.

SAM: His name is Rex.

SUMALEE: Rick and Rex.

LIAM: Before going down with Nott and Caleb, I
would say when we get up: We need to talk for a

minute, okay?

SAM: Listen, you should just forgive Keg, she
doesn’t know that she was being insulting. She’s

rough around the edges– and she’s right, you
could do better than me. Look at this. This is a

mess. I mean, the teeth.

LIAM: I don’t care about Keg or any of that. I
want to talk about what you and I are doing.

SAM: All right.

LIAM: I was this close to running off from that
road when things turned on us. You and I, we are

going to survive together. That is the main
thing.

SAM: Why didn’t you run?

LIAM: The dwarf stepped up. (snaps) Changed my
mind like that.

SAM: Changed your mind because we had extra help,
or–

LIAM: Whatever she said to him, he left.

SAM: Oh, the danger was passed.

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: Mm-hmm.

LIAM: But we have done a lot and you know what I
am about.

SAM: Of course I do, yes.

LIAM: So I just want you and I, you and me
especially, to be on the same page because we have

been for months now, ja? You are my friend, I
want you to be with me, and I want us to live. We

have done a lot with these people, and if we can
finesse this and do it in a way that does not

throw our lives in the fire, there is more to be
achieved. We will help you get to where you want

to get, and myself, together. We will work
together with these people.

SAM: I know that you want revenge for what that
man did to you, and there’s things I want too,

but… Mollymauk was amazing. Showed me something.
He had this spirit of life that was pretty

outstanding. You know, he was the moment that we
all traveled together. He came up, and we were all

talking, and all cagey, and all iffy with each
other when we met all these folks but he said,

“Hey, want to come see a circus show?” and that
lit the spark, right?

LIAM: Yes.

SAM: But before that, it was– All I’m saying is,
he was a rainbow man who represented life at its

fullest, and that’s what I want. Even more than
what we were going for before. Together, we’re

sort of living life now, aren’t we? Before, we
were in the darkness. So I know we have things to

do, and I want to do them. But the reason I want
to find these people and rescue them is not to use

them, and it’s not because we’ve invested time in
them, but it’s because I love them. We need to

find them and rescue them because we’re a team
now. So if you’re just using them or whatever,

that’s fine and I’ll support you; but I want to
find them so that we don’t go back to the way it

was, when we were hiding in the shadows and
ducking into alleys to get away from people. We

were safe, but we weren’t really alive, right?
With these people, we’re having fun and winning

contests and killing bad guys and rescuing
children, and it’s amazing. I hope you’re with me

on that, and I hope we are on the same page.

LIAM: I like them.

SAM: That’s a good start. I think they like you.

LIAM: We are not hiding anymore. Well, not like we
used to. There is a certain amount of risk to what

we are doing. And what I want is good, for more
people than just me.

SAM: I know it is, and I want it for you. We’ve
used a lot of people in the past and I just want

to make sure we’re not using these folks. Are we?

LIAM: Well, we are about to risk our lives to pull
three people we met four or five weeks ago out of

the hands of a lot of dangerous people. Seems like
a pretty good offer for them.

SAM: Okay.

LIAM: I don’t have any family; you’re the closest
thing that I have. I have come to rely on you and

I am grateful for your company.

SAM: I couldn’t do this without you.

LIAM: Well, let’s screw our courage to the
sticking place and get them out of there.

SAM: Yes. Let’s get them home, and let’s kill
Lorenzo. I have an idea. I know my last one didn’t

go so well, but listen: we can’t fight these
people. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again,

but what we can do is exactly what they do. They
go out and pick off people one at a time. Why

don’t we start doing that to them? Follow them,
track them, see where they go home at night, and

just pick them off one at a time. The weaker ones
first, and by the time Lorenzo knows what’s

happening, he’ll be scared out of his mind.

LIAM: He would get more defensive with time. I
don’t know. We don’t know enough. I would like to

find out where he sleeps.

SAM: Okay.

LIAM: Head-on, I agree, not a good idea. We will
take a roundabout way. Let’s figure out what we’re

talking about first.

SAM: All right. To breakfast.

LIAM: I invite her in.

SAM: I’ll nestle in.

LIAM: I don’t even say anything, just a firm hug.
Let’s go down.

MATT: As both Nila and Keg have enjoyed a decent
meal, not as much as you’d expect for the money

that was paid included for the evening’s stay, but
a meal nevertheless.

MARISHA: Hotel prices. What?

LIAM: Sex bacon.

(laughter)

MATT: Eventually Caleb and Nott make their way
down to join you.

ASHLY: When Keg sees Nott, she pulls out a piece
of paper and some broken spectacles and says, Nott?

SAM: What’s this? What are you doing?

ASHLY: I’m sorry I said that you were not good
enough for–

SAM: Why are you wearing those things?

ASHLY: I’m trying to apol– just give me a second!
I’m sorry I said you were not good enough for Caleb–

SAM: Did someone tell you to do this?

ASHLY: You’re very nice– I’m trying to be nice,
just give– this is as painful for me as it is for

you, just give me five seconds!

SAM: Sure, sure.

ASHLY: I’m sorry I was mean.

SAM: Can we get some hash browns or something?

ASHLY: You may be kind of weird, but you’re also
nice.

SAM: I don’t think there was a verb in that
sentence.

ASHLY: I am sorry, and when you aren’t eating
tongue, you’re sort of cute. Love, Keg.

SAM: Okay, so, a few things.

ASHLY: Do you have notes?

SAM: I mean, you don’t need to sign it if you’re
saying.

ASHLY: I don’t know, I was writing it! I didn’t
know if I was going to say it to you or give it to

you, so I panicked and I– I’m sorry.

MARISHA: Beau comes down the stairs, hearing the
end of it, and just goes (applause)

ASHLY: Thanks, Beau.

MARISHA: I could learn a few things from you. That
was a good apology. Damn good.

SAM: Apology accepted. Don’t worry about it, I
have a thick skin about this stuff, and I know I

haven’t put my best foot forward with you. We got
off on a wrong foot. To a brighter tomorrow!

ASHLY: That was much more eloquent than mine was.

SAM: I just made that up, I didn’t even have to
write it down.

ASHLY: You didn’t even have to write it down?!

SAM: No.

ASHLY: Fuck, I’m so bad at this. And then she
shoves bacon in her mouth.

MATT: All right, so what’s your plan?

LIAM: (long sigh) We are going to go and meet
the Marduns.

SAM: Okay.

LIAM: We are going to ask for Ophelia Mardun.

MARISHA: I have a feeling maybe her business has
something to do with the Iron Shepherds as well.

LIAM: Maybe.

ASHLY: We can hope.

MARISHA: Do you know anything about any of the
families here?

SUMALEE: I do not. Nila would like to gather these
goodberries and, on the way out, give one to each

of those horrible sounding roosters.

(laughter)

MATT: Perfect.

SUMALEE: They need help.

MATT: As Nila’s out there healing the roosters and
you’re leaving, the young, curly red-haired

half-elven proprietor at the front leans forward
and says, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to intrude, but

"whatever it is you’re after, good luck and I hope
you’re on the right track.”

ASHLY: Who the hell are you?

SAM: That’s super weird. He seems like a nice,
normal person here.

MARISHA: Is it a female?

MATT: “Sorry, I’m Keelyn. I take the early shift
here–” It’s a man. Vibrant green eyes. “But I’ve

"overheard you’re going to see the Marduns. Just
listen carefully.”

SAM: Listen carefully?

MATT: Listen carefully.

SAM: Like while we walk there, we should listen?

MATT: As you listen and talk with them.

SAM: Oh.

LIAM: Oh. Not right now, but when we are– ja.

MARISHA: Well, I imagine we should also be
listening carefully right now, as well as then.

MATT: “That works as well, but–”

SAM: What’s wrong with them? What should we know?

MATT: “Nothing. They’re gracious employers, I enjoy
my time here, but just listen carefully. I’m

"trying to help, that’s all. Good day! Be off, be
off!”

SAM: No, I know, but why? We haven’t paid you–
okay.

LIAM: It’s very enigmatic, but we will– okay.

MATT: “Good luck.” Takes a little glass of tea and
sips it.

ASHLY: Can I do an insight check on him to see if
he’s sketchy?

MATT: Yeah, go for it. He’s pretty sketchy.

ASHLY: I mean, yeah, but sketchy in the– well,
eight. Like is he trying to fuck with us.

LIAM: Where are your 20s, Ashly, where are your
20s?

ASHLY: I know, I wasted them all!

MATT: It’s hard to read. He seems forthright
enough, but also guarded. It’s hard to tell.

ASHLY: Okay.

SAM: How long have you been working for the
Marduns?

MATT: “Me? About six, seven months.”

SAM: Do you like the work?

MATT: “I mean, it has its benefits.”

SAM: You mean, like–

ASHLY: Nott!

MATT: “Be on your way and good luck.” Sips the tea
again.

MARISHA: That’s totally what he means.

SAM: What are those marks all over your neck?

MARISHA: Badge of honor.

SAM: Did you get in a fight last night?

ASHLY: Nott, for real, man. Context clues.

MARISHA: I mean, you could say it was a nice
little tussle. It was a nice little square off.

SAM: Who won?

MARISHA: I’d say we both won.

SAM: Simultaneously?

MARISHA: I definitely won. I won a few times.

(laughter)

SAM: Cool, cool, cool.

(laughter)

SUMALEE: Nila will offer you another goodberry,
too.

MARISHA: Ooh! Do they make my hickies go away?

MATT: They definitely seem to recede a bit.

MARISHA: Holy shit. This is miracle cream, Nila!
Oh my god!

MATT: A use for goodberries I’ve not yet seen in
my years playing D&D!

MARISHA: You could make a cosmetic line!

MATT: All right. As you make your way back into
the streets of the city, you begin to make your way

back into the Clover Plaza. Now, do you know where
you’re going?

ASHLY: Do I know a lot?

MATT: You’ve not been to these estates,
specifically because your employers are

diametrically opposed to the Marduns, but you know
the vague idea of where it is. But you’ve never

traveled there. You could probably ask around, if
you’d like. If you were to search for somebody who

would hopefully be of help.

ASHLY: Could we have asked that guy?

MATT: You can go back and ask.

ASHLY: Should we go back and ask the creepy guy?

SAM: I mean, he seems to know them. I guess so.

ASHLY: One more thing!

SAM: We’re going to go back and ask the creepy guy
how to get to the Marduns’.

ASHLY: Keelyn.

MATT: “Hi again!”

ASHLY: Hi. We should have asked this before we
left the first time. Do you know where their

estate is?

MATT: “You’re looking for them and you don’t know
where they are?”

ASHLY: Yeah, man.

MATT: “Northwest outskirts of the town limits,
within the forest. Look for the dark red wood exterior.”

ASHLY: Okay.

MATT: “You’ll find it, I trust.”

ASHLY: Why are you helping us?

MATT: “Because this place is a shithole and decent
people are hard to find.”

LIAM: We’ll let you know if we find them. Come
on.

MATT: All right. You guys head out into the
streets, and now, it’s interesting. As you head

out into the plaza, it’s much busier than it was
towards the evening you were here before. You see

a small regiment of people. Armored, geared up.
Weapons–

[crowd sound effects]

MARISHA: How does he do that?

ASHLY: The timing!

LIAM: Where does he get such wonderful toys?

MATT: BattleBards! And Syrinscape! You glance and
see 20 or so of these figures, all in various

types of armor and weapons. They’re in lines,
ramshackle. It resembles something military, but

by people who aren’t trained by military or at
least have any interest in that type of regimented

standing. You see, at glance, a few Empire
soldiers, three in full armor. Not crownsguard,

but from the actual military, that are inspecting
up and down the line.

MARISHA: Is it like a militia that they’re
forming?

MATT: It looks to be. You recognize most of the
folks here to be Grudge Gang.

ASHLY: Okay.

MATT: You have a question?

LIAM: There is a difference between Crownsguard
and Empire soldiers? Is one higher than the other?

MATT: Well there’s the military. The Crownsguard
are essentially the general guardians of every

township and they do day to day law enforcement.

MARISHA and SAM: Cops.

MATT: The actual military soldiers, you saw
gathering on the outskirts of Zadash when the war

first kicked in, and passed one of the large
armies traveling eastward from up by the western

side of the Silberquel Ridge.

LIAM: Yeah, I don’t think we’ve ever discussed
this, but is Caleb’s father Crownsguard, or Empire?

MATT: No. Your father would have been low-level
military.

LIAM: Which is below both of those?

MATT: No. It’s slightly above Crownsguard.

LIAM: Okay.

ASHLY: They’re the Grudge Gang that we see?

MATT: Yes, and watching as you pass by. You get
the sense that it looks like the Empire is hiring

mercenaries for the war.

ASHLY: Okay.

MATT: Coasting around the north side. You tell the
group to make a wide berth outside of the trench.

Which is on the northern end of the plaza.
Following the directive of Keelyn you start

weaving toward what’s called North Clover. Clover
Street, you’ve now begun to note is the large

central street that is the one throughline of the
entire city. It runs all around the treeline of

the Savalierwood. It’s strange and not straight in
places, and it was designed to follow the southern

border of this forest. The northern side of it,
North Clover is built directly into this forest.

You know– Make a history check, actually. Caleb,
you can make a history check too.

ASHLY: 17.

MATT: Not bad. That works. You’ve been at this for
a while. The Savalierwood has been cursed for many

centuries. The once-green forest now stands a
greyish purple ashen color that it now holds and

the superstition and mythology around it has
allowed the city of Shadycreek Run to prevent

Empire encroachment. They built the city into the
space, and every time the Empire has attempted to

move forward they’ve pulled back and used it as a
defensive position. Essentially, over a number of

conflicts, the Empire just gave up, and let the
region exist on its own. It is dangerous, the

wood. The deeper in, the more dangerous it gets.

ASHLY: And The Sour Nest is nestled into it.

MATT: It’s nestled into the forest even further
north of where the city stops in the forest.

Continuing on you begin to enter the canopy of the
south Savalierwood. The shade completely consumes

the city at this point, even though it’s
mid-morning and the clouds are broken up so that

occasional bits of warmth and sunlight would
occasionally pass through the city, now it seems

like it’s almost dusk immediately. Occasionally
you see a leaf tumble past, and then another. It’s

almost beautiful, the color, but it does have
almost a decaying sense to its meeting between

grey and purple. It’s beautiful in light, and then
when it hits the ground it almost looks like it’s

bereft of life. You don’t understand the nature of
this enchantment, whatever this curse may be that

you’ve heard of.

MARISHA: Nila. Is there something wrong with the
soil here or something? Do you know anything about this?

SUMALEE: I don’t like the look of it. Feels bad.
Do I have something that can tell? Do you know?

(laughter)

LIAM: Well, you’re not familiar with this where
you are from?

SUMALEE: No, no.

MARISHA: You could do a general nature check.

MATT: You could do a nature check if you wanted to
try–

SUMALEE: I wanted to use Druidcraft, but I don’t
know.

LIAM: Roll one of your buddies.

SUMALEE: Plus eight.

LIAM: 14.

MARISHA: No, no. Eight total.

SUMALEE: It’s right? This roll plus two.

MATT: Correct, yeah. This is beyond you. In all of
your experience– and you’re very connected with

the land of the valley– this far north you’ve not
encountered something like this. The forest– the

best you can tell, the forest still lives. The
nature of where it draws its life and this color

is very unnatural and it spooks you.

SUMALEE: Is it like a half-dead forest? Like a–

MATT: It feels alive and you pick up the leaf that
you saw tumbled before you and you feel it and it

still brims with health. It also off-puts you. You
get chills and you don’t know why.

SUMALEE: I don’t need to check my smell bag for
this.

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: I think stink pouch is still my favorite
phrase.

SUMALEE: Stink pouch, fine.

MATT: No, smell bag is great.

SAM: Odor sack?

ASHLY: It’s somehow worse than stink pouch as far
as what it evokes.

LIAM: Sniff nuts.

SUMALEE: Are there any animals?

MATT: Make a perception check.

MARISHA: What was the name of the forest?

SUMALEE: Ooh, it hit that, does that count? Can I
roll again?

MATT: It still counts, yeah, unfortunately.

SUMALEE: Eight.

MATT: You don’t see anything specifically. You do
hear birds, so it isn’t bereft of wildlife. At

least you get the sense that there is at least a
symbiotic relationship with some wildlife in the

bit of the forest you’ve been in.

SUMALEE: I’d love to take one of my goodberries to
draw one of the birds and see if I might talk with

it and see if it could tell us anything about
before.

MATT: Make an animal handling check.

SAM: Ooh, what is this? Druid stuff.

SUMALEE: 12 plus seven. 19.

MATT: As you hold the goodberry out, which, with
your arm length, is a good nine, nine and a half

feet up towards the lower hanging branches, and
you (bird song) give a little counterwhistle to

the sound of one of the birds you hear. You hear a
retort (bird whistle) and you return it (bird

whistle), and then it returns (bird whistle,
flutter), and then down onto the edge of your hand

you see this tiny little blackbird with a white
stripe that goes down the edge of each wing. It–

(chirping)– and starts eating the goodberry,
messing the edge of its beak.

LIAM: – giant shitty rooster.

ASHLY: (squawk)

MATT: It’s eating the goodberry. What would you
like to do?

SUMALEE: What would we like to ask it?

SAM: First thing that pops into my mind is do you
know Kiri, but I don’t think that’s relevant.

MARISHA: You have to stop thinking that all people
who look like each other know everybody.

SAM: Don’t they though?

MARISHA: No!

SAM: All right. Maybe, “How long has this curse
been here? How long has the forest been

"spooky-ooky?”

MARISHA: Do they know how much further the
Marduns’ keep is?

SAM: Are there any monsters out there?

SUMALEE: That’s too much, one at a time! How long
has the forest been like this?

MATT: Are you using a spell or are you using your
firbolg ability?

SUMALEE: Oh, I’m using my firbolg ability.

MATT: That allows you to speak to animals.

SUMALEE: Oh yes, I have to use a spell. Sorry.
Wait, which one is it?

LIAM and SAM: Wait.

SUMALEE: Do you know which one it is?

MARISHA and LIAM: Speak with Animals.

SUMALEE: Speech of the woods!

ASHLY: Nila’s just staring at this bird.

MATT: Speech of the woods is your firbolg
ability.

SUMALEE: Oh. I know I have it.

MATT: If you look on your spell list, the cards
you have prepared, do you have Speak with Animals prepared?

SUMALEE: I know I have it. Oh, it’s because I
chose my Spirit Totem.

MATT: Oh right. Because you’re Shepherd.

SUMALEE: Yes. I have–

MATT: Yes you do, because you’re Circle of the
Shepherd.

SUMALEE: Whew!

MARISHA: You got this!

SUMALEE: I was like, “I set this all up and then
I’m not going to be able to talk to the bird!”

LIAM: She’s an Iron Shepherd, kill her!

MATT: You get to mark off one of your 1st-level
spells. As you ask the bird, the bird returns–

and you guys hear her whistle to the bird, and the
bird whistles back quite a bit, this beautiful

song that plays. The bird conveys to you, “Far,
far before my time.”

SUMALEE: It says it’s been this way a long time.

MARISHA: Wow. I mean, how long is long for a bird
though?

SAM: They only live for three weeks, right? That’s
probably a bad question.

SUMALEE: This bird lives a long time, I can tell
you. This type of bird is not a short-lived bird.

MARISHA: Dagon can live to be 30. She’s going to
outlive us all.

LIAM: Would you like to ask it what is dangerous
in the wood?

SUMALEE: Yes. What is most dangerous here?

MATT: “Be wary of spirits.”

MARISHA: Ooh, spirits.

MATT: “Be wary of bone-spurred beasts.”

MARISHA: Bone-spurred beasts. Okay.

ASHLY: Doesn’t sound great.

SUMALEE: What other questions? Are you still
willing to answer some more?

MATT: How long does the spell last?

LIAM: Three days.

ASHLY: The bird’s a party member now.

MATT: It lasts for ten minutes.

MARISHA: Ooh, yeah.

SAM: How far are we from the Mardun house? I don’t
know if the bird is going to know–

SUMALEE: I don’t think the the bird would know the
Mardun house.

SAM: Well, we can describe it: red wood house.

MARISHA: Mansion!

SAM: Red wood mansion.

SUMALEE: Oh, all right.

MARISHA: Northwestish.

SUMALEE: I’d like to send the bird, mentally, the
picture of what that bird’s eye view would be and

to see if the bird has seen that.

MATT: Okay, you focus and express mentally and
through small verbal gestures towards it the idea

of this color and this shape. Immediately the bird
(flapping) takes off.

MARISHA and SAM: (gasp) Follow the bird.

MATT: You guys all start keeping up and jogging
behind it. You watch as it goes (flapping) and it

lands on a post, lands on a little roof, looks
back at you, (whistling) (flapping) and it’s

waiting and showing you a path through these
streets. In doing so, you’re dodging past–

originally when you walked in there were broken
down tent cities and hovels and not a good space.

Here the road and alleys break down. It’s more
sparse. The buildings are further apart. It’s less

of like a gridded city and more of a cluster of
buildings that are generally more well made, and

you get the sense that this is the wealthier area.
You in your experience know that the North Clover

is where most of the tribes, the different ruling
families, exist and claim their territory. You

move past a couple of buildings, eventually the
bird bringing you to a beautiful, two-story estate

that’s in the beginning stages of showing
disrepair. The dark-red wood appears imported, and

the tall stone fence that encircles the building
is topped with six-inch spear tips. A few that

look bent and off kilter, but still dangerous
enough for somebody who wished to try and leap the

six, seven-foot fence. The courtyard houses a once
beautiful garden that now turns grey with the

winter. You can see rose bushes that have since
browned and withered but the roses still slowly

left there to dry and lose color. You can see in
the center of this courtyard a small fountain of

some kind, but now it’s filled with slushed snow,
and here the bits of the snow that have been

pushed off the streets, give way to this estate
that’s glaring now at the outskirts of the forest.

You can see beyond it, it’s just wood. This
definitely marks, at least at this part of

Shadycreek Run, the end of the city, before you
begin to crest into the Savalierwood itself. There

are three individuals that are wearing simple
chain mail, that are walking inside the courtyard.

One has a crossbow at their side, the other has a
shortbow across their shoulder. One is sitting,

looking out. The other looks like they’re eating
some sort of dried meat from a pouch, and they

glance over and watch as you approach and keep an
eye.

MARISHA: Do they look like Taskers? Do they have
the same armor?

MATT: They’re not Taskers, no.

MARISHA: Okay.

SAM: They’re probably just guarding the place.

MARISHA: Hired hands.

SAM: Does someone want to go talk to them?

LIAM: Ja. That is not a problem. Hello.

MATT: The one that’s sitting, stands up and puts
his crossbow like– ready, not pointing it at you, but–

LIAM: Ja. We are good here.

MATT: “What is your intent here?”

LIAM: We have been traveling a great distance. We
are here to speak, if you don’t mind, we have a

message for Ophelia Mardun. It can only be heard
by her. We have been charged with this message and

no funny business. I hope that we could impart our
message and be done.

MATT: “I can take your message and pass it on!”

LIAM: Would you tell her that a very refined
gentleman from the south would like to pass his

regards to her.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

LIAM: Ja. (groans)

SAM: (southern accent) A southern gentleman.

LIAM: Not very good at all.

SAM and ASHLY: (groan)

MATT: He goes, “And there’s five of you?”

LIAM: It is a long way.

MARISHA: And an important message.

LIAM: Yeah. Only a fool travels alone.

MATT: “I’ll pass on the message! You’ll be
summoned if necessary, but (clicks tongue)” Gives

a motion over to the other guard who’s finished
eating, who’s also pulled the shortbow off the

shoulder and has knocked an arrow into it. Gives a
whistle and the doors to the estate open, and you

watch as three more guards emerge with crossbows,
and one with a heavy crossbow at the ready. They

all keep them at the ready, very close eye. One of
them begins to patrol the outside of the building.

You get the sense immediately that there’s a
general anxiety and tension at this space when

strangers approach. They’re being very careful.

MARISHA: Can I look around, do I see anybody who’s
hidden, watching from windows up above, anything

that looks like we’re being watched?

MATT: Make a perception check.

MARISHA: Not by guards, necessarily. 21.

MATT: You glance up, and on the second floor there
is two sets of double windows. They’re paned, one

of them looks to be partially opened, and you can
see on the inside there are curtains. One, the

curtains are closed, the other is drawn to a side,
and you see a figure looking out below. As soon as

you look up and see it, the curtain closes.

MARISHA: Did I catch a glimpse of what the figure
looks like?

MATT: The figure looked to be human, though the
skin was dark. That’s as best as you can get

before they vanished.

MARISHA: Okay.

LIAM: I’m just smiling at the guards.

MATT: You see all the other guards each place one
of their weapons pointed directly at each of you,

and the quiet comes over all of you, as this
moment, this standoff continues for a minute, two

minutes. As the first guard that you spoke to
enters and closes the door behind.

LIAM: (exhales)

ASHLY: So do you like being guards?

MATT: “Shh!” One of them tightens the grip.

ASHLY: Got it.

MATT: This large, heavy crossbow already notched
backward and the tension on the wire itself is–

this guy is looking like he is ready to fire.

LIAM: We are all going to laugh about this later,
I promise. (nervous laugh)

MATT: A moment later the guard emerges from the
door. “All right, stand down.”

SAM: Oh.

MATT: They all pull their weapons away, looking
disappointed.

LIAM: We are good?

MATT: “Open the gate.” The guard who was eating
earlier, puts the shortbow over the shoulder,

still looking wary, and they’re not moving from
where they’re standing. They’re all keeping a very

close eye on all five of you. Opens the gate
(clicking) (creaking). The metallic gate swings

open, and you’re all brought into the courtyard.
As you’re begin to follow the first guard you

spoke with, they all slowly coalesce behind you,
still keeping their weapons at the side, but ready

if need be. As you’re led to the interior chamber
of this estate, the Estate Sybaritic. As soon as

you enter the main foyer, the earthy smell of the
forest gives way to the lingering scent of a

recent meal. As if the cooked meats and starches
that were eaten maybe an hour or two beforehand

still permeate the air of this entryway. You see
before you a staircase that continues upward, red

carpeted, before switching back to a second floor.
In that center landing you can see a very open

window that looks down to possibly a backyard of
some kind, but currently the view is of the

darkened leaves and bits of sunlight that break
through. It seems like something that was built

for a beautiful view, not understanding until it
was completed that it didn’t really catch much of

a view amongst this forest, like the original
builder had brought sensibilities from outside to

bring them in, and it was not compatible with this
landscape. There, you see to the left and right of

you art pieces that depict people. You can see
individuals of different backgrounds, and you see

one that appears to be of pure elven blood with
brown hair, difficult to make out the gender, but

beautiful and standing very robust with a chin out
and a wily grin. Oils, very well done. To the left

of you, you can see the other portrait appears to
be a woman with a very well made dress with these

large, almost puffs at the shoulders. It seems
almost trying too hard to be aristocratic.

It’s garish, but here you are. A moment
later the door closes behind you, and you’re still

being flanked by this bevy of guards. You hear the
heavy footsteps coming down the staircase. Turning

the corner, you see a figure now, framed in what
little of the light is coming through that window

behind them. (footfalls) Stepping down you see a
woman, dark-gray skin and ankle-length, black hair

that is smooth and straight that falls behind her.
You see bony crests of horns that curve up into

these two large points behind the head and bright
yellow eyes that are pupil-less. A grin that shows

two fanged canines. As she descends you can see
her attire is very formal, colonial style coat

with epaulets, but it seems to be tailored to not
hide her figure. She already exudes an air of

powerful aggression and presence. With each step
that she takes down there, you can sense her

immediately reading and seeing in and through each
of you. Quietly she takes the last step to the

landing here in the foyer. (German accent) “You
bring tidings from The Gentleman, you say.”

LIAM: That is correct, ja.

MATT: “Well you have invoked the name of my
comrade. You have my attention, do not squander

"it. Why are you here?”

LIAM: Well, we will be plain. He has sent us. He
has told us that you are in need of assistance,

and he has deemed us worthy to provide it.

SAM: Are you Ophelia?

MATT: “I am.”

SAM: Oh, just making sure.

MARISHA: Yeah, that’s good.

SAM: It could be someone else.

MATT: “Thorough, I appreciate that. Well so, you
are the help that he sent. Timely, three days

"earlier would have been better, but here we are. I
shall not fret on it. Thank you for coming. Be at

"ease, go watch the back walls, make sure nobody
tries to sneak in while we’re talking.” The guards

all scatter, except for two who stay posted at
each side of the door behind you. “How much have

"you been told?”

LIAM: (small laugh) Not very much.

MATT: You watch as her eyes looks you from head to
toe and her tongue runs across her lip a bit.

“(sighs) I’ve had an open line of shipments to
Zadash, through our mutual friend for some time,

"made a beneficial arrangement for many years.”

MARISHA: Can I do an insight check? Did it look
like she cast a spell just then?

MATT: Sure, make an insight check.

MARISHA: 25.

SAM: Oh, whispers.

SAM and ASHLY: Whispers.

LIAM: Fireball.

(laughter)

SAM: Guys–

LIAM and SAM: D&D Beyond.

LIAM: Am I right?

SAM: Is a really good app.

ASHLY: (flatly) It’s so great.

LIAM: It’s like– I can be on the shitter, if I
want to check–

SAM: You can customize that.

LIAM: Caleb’s spells.

ASHLY: I can?!

MATT: Oh god.

SAM: You can with their new upgrade.

LIAM: I can be mid dook.

SAM: You can be mid dook?

LIAM: Mid dook and check my spells.

SAM: You’re mid dook right now.

MATT: Anyway, bringing it back in.

MARISHA: Shipments to Zadash.

MATT: “However, my most trusted team of smugglers
that handle that route and knew it well were slain

"a little over a month ago.”

SAM: Do you know by whom?

MATT: “Well, at first we thought it was maybe the
dire beasts of the wood around us, but our

"internal priest was able to divine the source of
their demise. In other words, at the hands of the Jagentoths.”

SAM: The who? What?

ASHLY: It’s the family that controls the Iron
Shepherds.

SAM: The Jagendoths?

ASHLY: The Jagentoths.

MATT: “Now we’ve– as you seem to know this well.”
She looks over you. “You look familiar. What is

"your name?”

ASHLY: Keg.

MATT: “Keg, I know that name.”

ASHLY: I used to work for them. Not anymore.

MATT: At which point you hear the guards behind
(cocking crossbow). The crossbows go back up into

position. You glance over your shoulder to see
them both pointed– “What assurances can I have

"that I not need strike you down where you stand?”

ASHLY: You don’t have any, but I have a lot of
information about them.

SAM: We just killed one of them.

ASHLY: Oh, that’s true. That’s better. We killed
one of them.

MATT: Make a persuasion check with advantage.

ASHLY: That is a 12.

MATT: “Intriguing. Very well.” They go down.
“(sighing) We and these Jagentoths have feuded for

"quite some time between these tribes. Many times
it has come to bloodshed, but now with the Grudge

"Gang and the Taskers making open justice
throughout the realm messy, we must take to other

"means. We cannot deliver our retribution with
hands that can be traced back to us. As this

"affects both the Marduns and The Gentleman, he is
wise to send you, and this kindness shall be

"repaid in person. The Jagentoths have slaughtered
and stolen from us a major source of contraband

"and income. It’s only fair we do the same in kind.
We here of the Estate Sybaritic require you to cut

"one of the limbs of their business. Kill their
best handymen. Hunt the Iron Shepherds.”

LIAM: One more time, please?

MATT: “Hunt the Iron Shepherds.”

LIAM: Your accent is thick.

MATT: “I have not been as far south as some of
you, I can tell.”

LIAM: No, I appreciate hearing the old tongue
again.

MATT: She says to you in Zemnian, “Well, stick
around.” (in Common) “Last I heard, they are still

"out on the road. They live at The Sour Nest, a
small stronghold not far from here on the edge of

"North Clover to the eastern side. They have a
number of hired hands that guard the locale. It’s

"a difficult infiltration, but it’s your best
chance of catching them off guard. If you have

"other ideas, we are open to suggestions. Am I to
believe that you have been sent,” and her eyes

fall over Nila, “as trained killers, able to deal
with this?”

LIAM: Some of us are trained killers for sure, and
we have picked up help as we have seen fit.

Everyone has been carefully selected, carefully
vetted. I’m sure that with your input on their

mannerisms and habits, their routines, we will do
quite well.

MATT: “All right. Let us hope that the priest was
not incorrect. Either way, I would like to see

"them taken down a peg. So do you accept this
offer?”

MARISHA: What all do you want us getting out of
that house?

MATT: “Nothing to get out of it. Kill everything
within it.”

ASHLY: When you say this can’t get traced back to
you guys, does that mean you can’t help us at all?

Give us any assistance as far as your men,
firepower, nothing?

MATT: “No. We can offer maybe a bit of change to
grease a few palms or bring some aid your way, but

"we cannot be traced to this at all. This needs to
seem unrelated. A strange occurrence, a random act

"of murder was in their home, so as not to quell
this already boiling blood between us.”

MARISHA: You think all of the Iron Shepherds will
be there?

MATT: “Well, I don’t know. They’re there often.
But if you’ve made it this far north, perhaps you

"are better at finding this information than we.”

LIAM: We have come a long way. Is there any– You
know them better than us; we’re out-of-towners.

Any tips to specifically deal with your problem?

MATT: “Best intel we have involves that they hire
their mercenaries from the Grudge Gang. They

"prefer to find people with keen eyes and distant
shot.”

SAM: The Grudge Gang– they’ve hired the entire
gang, or just the members of the–

MATT: “Just members of the gang.”

SAM: Where do they hang about?

MATT: “All over the city, but the ones they’ve
hired will probably stay within the estate.”

SAM: They would stay there while they’re under the
employ of the Iron Shepherds?

MATT: “Of course. That is what I do.” She refers
to the two guards behind you.

MARISHA: Do you know– sorry. You can go.

ASHLY: You said that they’re still on the road?
You’re led to believe that they haven’t come back

to Shadycreek Run yet?

MATT: “I haven’t seen them return yet, no.”

SAM: Would you know if they came back? Do you have
spies out there looking?

MATT: “I have.”

SAM: Because we saw them on the road and they were
heading back here.

MATT: “If they have arrived recently, perhaps my
whispers have not come to me yet.”

ASHLY: There’s a chance The Sour Nest is empty, or
less guarded.

MARISHA: I wonder if they’re hiring.

SAM: Does the Grudge Gang identify themselves in
some way? How would we find one?

MATT: “They usually–” and she pulls back her
sleeve and you can see the dark gray, almost black

skin there beneath. “You will find a burned
crescent into the wrist of a member of the gang.”

SAM: Let’s get a fireplace and some iron and burn
the shit out of our wrists, and then we’re

insta-Grudge Gang. Now, The Gentleman has us on a
meager yearly salary, but if we were to do this

for you, does that include some sort of bonus?

MATT: “Are you saying The Gentleman has not paid
you for this endeavor?”

SAM: Not yet.

MATT: “I was made to understand that that was all
taken care of as part of our arrangement.”

MARISHA: How about something in trade? Just as a
little added bonus as a favor.

MATT: “What are you asking for, if I might
inquire, little girl?” She leans forward with this

creepy smile that crawls across her face as she
eyes you up and down.

LIAM: There we go.

MARISHA: Kind of like her demeaning me with that
little girl stuff. I’m kind of into it. Anyway,

that priest you mentioned. Is he a pretty skilled
priest? Would he happen to have any skills in

reviving the dead?

MATT: “You have a problem with someone beneath the
earth. I do not know if our priest specializes in

"such abilities, and if they did, it would be for
family only.”

MARISHA: Sounds like he does specialize in those
abilities when you put it like that. If exceptions

can be made for friends and family. Friends and
family discount is a real thing.

MATT: “You’re mighty presumptuous. You might have
better luck with any of the wandering crazies in

"the city.”

MARISHA: What?

MATT: “Our priest is not the only one.” She cocks
her head. “If you’re looking for help, could look

"to the Blooming Grove.”

SAM: Where’s that? What’s that? Is that a town?

MATT: “It’s about six miles out of Shadycreek Run,
to the northwest, a little farther from here. It’s

"a burial grove, but there is a temple there and
some strange hermit of a priest is said to live

"there. Most folks are spooked of them. The family
that once looked over that grove has slowly

"dwindled as the years have gone on, and they say
the curse itself seems to hold it, but try that.

"Otherwise, you need to do quite a favor for us, as
such magic is not inexpensive.”

ASHLY: Killing all of the Iron Shepherds isn’t a
big enough favor?

MATT: “You’ve already been paid for that.”

LIAM: Yeah, this is a pre-existing arrangement
that’s outside of negotiation at the moment. I

understand. We will take care of what you are
asking.

MATT: “Good. That’s what I like, straightforward
and working to the fine print. Very good.”

LIAM: Zemnian.

SAM: All right. You don’t want us staying here, I
suppose? We should scoot out so that we can’t be

traced back to you?

MATT: “We’ll lead you out the back route. Eyes on
you leaving my estate would be unwise. So.” Begins

speaking in Zemnian to the two other guards–
you’re the only one who picks up on the language–

says, “Please lead them through the back tunnel.”
She turns around and begins to ascend the stairs,

stopping and looking back over her shoulder, the
hair swishing with each step as she makes her way

up, looking back, and the yellow eyes glancing
back with the bright white teeth against the

darkened skin. “Do not disappoint me. I can be
very frustrated when I’m disappointed.” Turns back

and makes her way back up the steps.

LIAM: We’re left with guards?

MATT: Two guards, yes.

LIAM: All right, good fellows, would you escort us
out and point us in the right direction?

MATT: They wordlessly walk and lead you around
through a dining chamber back to a small storage–

it’d be kitchen adjacent, though you don’t see a
kitchen yet. You can smell that musty scent of

stored oats and grains, rice.

LIAM: Did I see any books on the way out?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LIAM: 14.

MATT: None down here. None of the rooms you were
brought through seem to have any sort of a shelf

unit or anything that carries tomes or books of
any kind, unfortunately.

LIAM: Fuck this podunk town.

MATT: There doesn’t seem to be very well-read
people though there’re probably some. You’re led

into this storage room and down a staircase
through a trapdoor. It’s pulled open. You’re led

into this wine cellar and in the back of the wine
cellar, they move aside a case shelving for wine,

and they’re all resting on it, some missing,
others moving it there. There’s a small tunnel

that you all have to duck down. You have to nearly
crawl through to get your rather large firbolg form.

ASHLY: Can I sleight of hand and try to steal some
wine?

MATT: Sure.

MARISHA: I was about to ask if I recognize any
wine.

MATT: You’re moving pretty fast. Make a perception
check.

MARISHA: Okay.

ASHLY: Maybe I shouldn’t.

SAM: Oh, it’s too late now.

ASHLY: Oh, it’s great! 18.

MATT: What’d you get?

MARISHA: Nine.

MATT: Unfortunately, you can’t see any of the
labels the way it’s rested. However, you do manage

to grab a bottle of wine.

SAM: Ooh, is that a Cabernet Sauvignon?

MATT: You guys are brought through single-file
through this tunnel until eventually, met with

another door. The guard (knocking) does some sort
of pulsed knock. It opens and from this completely

dark interior, the light hits your eyes and you
have to adjust for a moment. It’s really not that

bright on the opposite side; it’s still within the
forest. Comparatively, it hits you. As you step

out, there looks to be an older drunk, dirty,
filthy-looking man who is completely sober and

lets you out.

MARISHA: That’s cool.

MATT: You are now in the middle of the forest, and
you can see a small bench and an overgrown well

about ten or so feet ahead and to the left of you
that vines have completely taken over. The vines

themselves, a similar purple-grayish color as to
the rest of the leaves. A lot of the foliage seems

to fall into that same coloration. Not all of it,
but a lot of it. It seems to cross multiple types

of vegetation. As you’re escorted from this room,
the two guards give a nod, close it behind you.

The old man goes and sits back, puts his bench up
against the knotted base of a thick tree that’s

growing out of the ground where you had emerged
from. Leans against it, grabs a jug and sits and

looks at you.

ASHLY: Can I tell where The Sour Nest would be
from here?

MATT: Make a survival check.

ASHLY: 18.

MATT: With how far you’ve traveled north, it would
be straight due east from here.

ASHLY: Okay. Sour Nest is east of here.

LIAM: You know where you are?

SAM: Should we go run recon? Take a quick scouting
pass and see what we can see?

LIAM: Yeah. Let’s put a little distance between
ourselves and this place and this gentleman and I

will send Frumpkin out to have a look.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: You make your way through the Savalierwood.

SAM: Is it a long walk? Or a long travel?

MATT: From where you are now, it’s probably a two
hour walk. It’s the far east side. It’s

technically past the– let’s see, I have all the
locations here. Pardon me as I pull out my notes.

LIAM: While you look, I will say an important
point for clarification. Once we are out of the

view of this gentleman guarding the secret
entrance, Caleb, walking with poise up to a tree,

leans against it, bends down and has a panic
attack.

SAM: You were in great in there!

MATT: Past the Gruff Slum is what it is. This is
the far eastern side of it.

ASHLY: Past the Gruff Stump?

MATT: The Gruff Slum.

SAM: You were great! You handled yourself so well.
Man, you were rock-solid in there!

LIAM: Stop it. I am nauseous. Let’s go kill a
bunch of people.

SAM: Give him a goodberry.

SUMALEE: I have a goodberry.

MARISHA: Oh, yes!

LIAM: That is sour.

SAM: It’s a Purin tablet.

SUMALEE: One moment, it will take effect soon.

ASHLY: Oh. End that way.

MARISHA: Keep it down.

LIAM: Let’s go.

MATT: It does warm your belly, and that warmth
spreads through your torso and it’s– whenever

Jester has come and pulled you from the edge of
death with a spell, it’s a fragment of that warmth

from the inside of your torso.

LIAM: ‘Member?

MARISHA: ‘Member berries. 'Member Jester?

LIAM: 'Member clerics?

MARISHA: Oh yeah, I 'member.

MATT: Following Keg through the wood, I would like
you all to make stealth checks, please.

SAM: Stealthy!

MATT: You are no longer under the Pass without a
Trace spell.

MARISHA: You get all of your spells back after
sleeping as well.

LIAM: Four!

ASHLY: 14.

SAM: 25.

MARISHA: 17.

SUMALEE: 14.

MATT: Caleb’s feeling a bit clumsy, but the rest
of you, keeping up the slack, have managed to stop

him at times and make him aware of his terrible
attempts to stay out of sight and stay quiet. Two

hours of travel eastward–

MARISHA: We should plan.

ASHLY: We wanted to send Frumpkin in.

SAM: We can send Frumpkin, but also, we have
another animal companion now. If you wanted to

become an animal something or other and scout
around, that would be acceptable, right?

MARISHA: That’s true.

SUMALEE: I would love that. What animal do you
think would be the best? Maybe something small?

MARISHA: And something native.

SAM: Well, Frumpkin’s a bird, right?

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: Maybe we need something on the ground, like a
weasel-y thing or a ratty type of thing or a

roachy type of thing?

LIAM: You said yesterday that– you were a horse
first and then you said you could only do it one

more time or a certain number of times, correct?

SUMALEE: Yes, I have two times now, right? Because
I rested?

MATT: Correct. Two times every short rest.

SUMALEE: I can do twice.

LIAM: If you were to become, say, a raccoon right
now and go running around, that is one time that

you cannot become a crocodile to eat somebody’s
face off.

SUMALEE: Yes, and I would like to eat somebody’s
face off.

LIAM: Okay. I think, let us reserve that for now
because Frumpkin can do the job. Let’s get closer

to this place and it would only take five minutes.
He will go.

SAM: In owl form?

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: Okay. He’ll only be able to see from the sky.
We should still do that, though, first.

LIAM: I mean, I could turn him back into a cat,
but then he’s slower, he can’t get over the walls maybe.

SAM: Go for it.

MARISHA: Just send the bird.

LIAM: How far have we traveled at this point?

MATT: About an hour into it, a sound catches your
ear, Keg. It catches yours as well. (growling) You

hear the faint breaking of tinder and dry branch.

ASHLY: Do I know what this is off the top or must
I make a check?

MATT: Make a straight intelligence check.

ASHLY: (singing) Ooh, that’s not going to go well
for anyone.

LIAM: Unless you roll high.

SUMALEE: 20!

LIAM: Nope.

SUMALEE and MARISHA: Oh!

SAM: Yeah, but it’s minus one.

ASHLY: So it’s zero! Did I help?

MATT: You have no idea, but it sounds unique.

LIAM: Ducks, you guys. It’s ducks.

ASHLY: We’re fine, keep going.

SAM: Oh, great!

ASHLY: But Nila also recognizes it?

MATT: You hear it as well. What’s your perception?
Your passive perception?

SUMALEE: 14.

MATT: 14. You’d actually hear it as well. You guys
all put your hands out, stop, and hold still. You

see a heavy shadow moving through the dense
forest, just south of where you are.

MARISHA: Nobody move. You want to send an owl
towards that shadow, see if Frumpkin sees what

that is?

LIAM: Ja, okay, that’s easy. I sit down on the
ground and send Frumpkin into the air.

MATT: Okay. Under a branch, Frumpkin takes some of
the low branches of these trees, underneath the

canopy and gets a look. Through Frumpkin’s eyes,
you see what looks to be a black bear, but black

bears that you’ve seen in passing before have
been, maybe, eight feet, ten feet end to end. This

one’s closer to 15 and about ten feet to shoulder.
Its fur is long and matted, almost greasy in

patches. At the shoulders and the elbows and
ridges on its face, you see bone protrusions, like spikes.

MARISHA: Those were the bone spikes.

MATT: As it comes through you watch its large,
heavy, almost exaggerated muscular shoulders

(sounds of bear walking, growling, and sniffing)
It sits down on the ground. It seems to have

chosen a spot to take a nap.

ASHLY: Do I have a sense of what aggros it?

MATT: Noise. People. Anything that it could eat.

LIAM: (whispering) There is a very large black
bear ahead of us, with bones coming out of its

butt and stuff and it has just laid down for a
nap.

SAM: (whispering) We have to be very quiet.

MARISHA: (whispering) Can you do that thing
again?

SAM: That makes us all stealthy?

SUMALEE: (whispering) Yes, of course.

MARISHA: (whispering) So we can all sneak by?

SUMALEE: (barely audible) I would like to cast
Pass Without a Trace.

(laughter)

MATT: Okay. With that addition, everyone roll
another stealth check, since you are taking the

bonus there.

LIAM: What are we going to do?

ASHLY: 23.

MARISHA: Don’t fuck me, Gil. Eh, fuck you, Gil.

MATT: Is that with the plus ten?

ASHLY: Without, so I’m at 33.

MATT: But you do have heavy armor, so you do have
disadvantage on your stealth checks, I remember that.

ASHLY: With ten, it’s 23 again.

MATT: There you go, it’s still pretty good.

SAM: 39.

MATT: There’s the numbers!

LIAM: 26.

MARISHA: 21.

SUMALEE: I rolled a d20 plus ten, right? Oh, plus
my– that’s why, I was like, it seems low. 27.

MATT: As it’s sleeping, the heavy breathing almost
audible as you curve around the space where it is,

trying desperately to not step on anything that
would make a large snapping or shifting sound in

its presence. You watch as another comes up.

(groaning)

MATT: Alongside it, (growls), awakens slightly and
sits down next to it and while it’s not sleeping,

is keeping watch as it releases out of its jaw,
onto the ground a very bloodied and battered body

of some person, you cannot make any details of
them at this distance.

SAM: Dead?

MATT: Definitely not living! As you begin to walk,
you begin to hear the terrible crunching sound as

its giant jaws snap into bone and tear into
flesh.

LIAM: You guys, Taliesin’s a bear.

(laughter)

MATT: You do manage to just skirt along the side
of the bear without any notice from their side.

Continuing onward. The secondary hour goes without
issue, but you do begin to come upon the outskirts

of your recollection of where The Sour Nest
resides. You’re still a good 100 or so feet away,

using the trees at your disposal and you can see
now the wall that matches the perimeter. It’s a

thin, five foot wide wall with a very flimsy rail
across the top, but it is a walkway for watch

guards to keep an eye out. As you glance at this
distance, you can see one figure that’s walking

the perimeter of the top of the wall, with a heavy
crossbow at the ready. They stop and look out.

LIAM: How dense is the forest around this place?

MATT: It’s pretty dense. The reason it took two
hours to get there is because you’re going through

the forest. Otherwise on foot, in any sort of open
scenario, it would take you half the time.

LIAM: There’s no manicured, open place around.
It’s just nestled among trees around it or–?

MATT: It looks there is manicured to be about a
ten-foot distance between the wall and any of the

surrounding trees, specifically to make sure that
any sort of approaching individuals would be out

in the open. You can see now a little bit of light
is coming through. It looks like they’ve cleared

out a bit of the canopy, not entirely, but a bit
of it to also prevent any low-hanging boughs or

branches to curl into the interior of the walls.
It’s not a massive stronghold, it looks to be

approximately a little larger than the Estate
Sybaritic that you were at, but it’s more for

function than beautiful decor. A lot of the wood
seems to be old and weathered from rain and dry

seasons. It’s just a beige- and gray-looking
establishment. Pure function.

LIAM: Our lot is hidden in the trees, a ways
away?

MATT: Yes. You can barely see it above the wall,
but the little bit you can see has that visual and

you can see it’s a mixture of stone and wood. The
edges of the actual structure are stone and then

wood is either then placed over stone or wood is
the intermediate construction material.

ASHLY: The cart is not back?

MATT: From this perspective, you don’t see where
the cart would come in.

LIAM: This is where we send an owl.

SAM: Sure.

LIAM: I’m going to send him and it’s going to take
a moment. I want him to go around the entire place

and keep an eye on it and watch it. Maybe 20 or 30
minutes. Are we good with that?

SAM: In his talons, he could bring a little mouse
and drop it in there. I’m just saying.

LIAM: How will we– You and I could talk to the
mouse.

SAM: We could, but the mouse couldn’t talk back.

ASHLY: Wait, wait, wait, what’s our plan here?

LIAM: Well, for now this is easy, we’re going to
send my owl now. If anything goes wrong, will you

please tap three times on my left knee? I go blind
and send Frumpkin up.

MATT: Okay, so, Frumpkin makes it up. Tree, waits
a moment, tree. The one guard you see doing the

perimeter notices.

LIAM: I tell him telepathically to just chill and
sit there for a while.

MATT: After a minute or so, the guard just keeps
looking out. Jumpy. From Frumpkin’s view, down

inside, you can see the exterior of this. There is
a large collection of brown wood kegs and a couple

of small crates that contain materials that you’re
unaware of. You can see there are two entrances,

one at the front and one at the back of the
building. There are not windows, but small holes

put into the wood and from the inside– Actually,
roll a perception check for Frumpkin, thank you.

With advantage, due to the form, because it is
with sight.

LIAM: Perception, you say? 22.

MATT: 22. Looking through these curved window
ports about that big, essentially large enough to

look through and fire through, but small enough to
not really allow a person to push through. You can

see there’s about two inches of stone, so it is a
stone structure that has wood as a decorated

exterior to it, so it’s pretty solid. Down inside,
you do see about six horses that are hitched on

the back side of it and two carts and a third one
that is currently being repaired.

SAM: Those are our carts!

LIAM: How many people do I see down inside?

MATT: There’s one up top on the wall. You now see
with Frumpkin, thanks to that perception roll, a

secondary guard on the opposite side of the wall.
It looks like there are two doing a perimeter

pass, matching each other so that at any given
point in time they have a visual perspective on

one or the other’s side of the estate. You see one
more guard that is inside the courtyard and it

looks like two individuals that are not in general
attire of the hired hands. The guards are wearing

the same hooded cloak and armament as the two that
were pulling the caravan up with them.

ASHLY: Those are definitely the caravans? The
carts that Frumpkin sees are the ones that we–?

MATT: They are very much. The one that’s been
broken has been carried along the way and

temporarily fixed for the journey, but now has two
individuals of plain clothes that are in the

process of repairing the cart.

LIAM: Total two up top?

MATT: Two up top, one on the inside that’s armed,
and two that are currently repairing the cart that

appear to be unarmed. You gather from the state of
repairs that the arrival was probably not that

long before you arrived.

ASHLY: So much for getting the jump on them.

MARISHA: Three guards, two hired hands, and were
there two more regular individuals?

MATT: No, there were two guards on the wall, only
one you see inside the courtyard, and then two

handymen. You don’t really know if they work for
them full-time or if they’re a temporary hire, but

there are two men that are not in the general
attire of the rest of the guards of the estate

that are currently repairing.

LIAM: They definitely don’t know any ice magic.

ASHLY: Definitely sorcerers, definitely no ice
magic. Definitely. Is it accurate to say that if

we were to find Grudge Gang members that were
unaffiliated, that we could pay them?

MATT: If you have enough.

ASHLY: Okay, because from where I’m sitting, I
don’t know how this is going to go much different

than what happened before. We might need more
people.

MATT: The Grudge Gang, they can be expensive and
also they’re not keen on suicide missions if they

have no stake in it. But if they have a stake in
it, and you pay well enough, and you have

assurances and enough to back you up, they’ll go
with it.

ASHLY: Would the Taskers have more of a stake?

MATT: You’re not sure. You’ve never really
interacted with them much. You know of them, but

because of your affiliation previously, you’re
pretty insulated from dealing with those folks.

You grew up hating a lot of the bits of authority
that existed around here and now you’re finding

yourself having to eat crow for a lifetime of–

ASHLY: It’s like my thing. Yeah, it’s my new
thing: eating crow.

LIAM: Did you say how big the structure within the
wall is?

MATT: The structure within, I’d say it’s maybe 50
feet on one side, maybe 70 or 80 on the other.

It’s hard to really gauge the full distance. It’s
a fairly large estate that’s been fitted into a

small stronghold.

MARISHA: Could make a distraction in the woods,
get one of the guard’s attention. Bring them in

one at a time. Ambush them. Take their wardrobe.

ASHLY: Or we could watch them for awhile.

SAM: You have a sword that can teleport you. You
could bamf up onto the walkway with them and knock

one off, and we could kill him.

MARISHA: Between me and Nila, we could actually
get in pretty quickly. I could get in with the

sword and she could be dropped in as a mouse.

ASHLY: The Iron Shepherds aren’t there?

MATT: You don’t know.

ASHLY: Frumpkin doesn’t see?

MATT: Frumpkin doesn’t see them.

SAM: We can certainly kill a guard. That would
give us a costume, but what does that get us?

LIAM: They find a dead man on their perimeter and
know that someone is fucking with them.

SAM: We can drag his body off and feed it to a
bear. Steal his clothes. They’ll be like “Where

"did he go? Where did Phil go? Oh, Phil. You know,
that old story.” Or we drop in mouse girl and she

could run around inside and find out if her son is
in there, and our friends.

SUMALEE: I’m so confused. The carts that we see
were the ones that I’ve seen people go into

before, but we don’t see the Iron Shepherds here.

ASHLY: We don’t see where the prisoners are being
kept?

MATT: You don’t see that, but you know. The
basement below. There are three separate chambers:

one that’s for holding, one that’s for breaking,
which is torture, and the one that is for display

if they have any final approvals by the Jagontoth
family that has an idea of where they should be sent to.

SUMALEE: This is our best chance, because there
are no Iron Shepherds here.

ASHLY and SAM: We don’t know.

LIAM: They could be inside. This is not any better
than our chances on the road.

MARISHA: Well, then we do one of two things. We
either send in Nila as a mouse to scout to see if

The Iron Shepherds are in there, or we wait and we
watch and we see who comes in and out. Watch the

guard shifts, see when the changeover is.

SUMALEE: I want to go in.

MARISHA: A guard shift would be the most opportune
time to attack. When they’re changing shifts.

ASHLY: Do we have any interest in trying to get
more people?

SAM: Sure. Yes. I don’t know how much money we
have.

ASHLY: Do I have a sense of how expensive the
Grudge Gang is?

MATT: You’ve never hired any of them, so you’re
not sure, but the way to ask would be to go find them.

LIAM: Looking through Frumpkin’s eyes, was I able
to see the entrance through this wall that the

guards are up top on? What’s the way in here?

MATT: On the opposite end, it looks to be
ladders.

LIAM: No gate or doorway at all?

MATT: Oh, sorry. I thought you meant how they got
up onto the wall, my apologies. There is a gate in

the front and there is a gate in the back. The
gate in the back is– actually, both gates are two

dark wood doors that have a brace set down that
holds them in place that is held and controlled

from the interior.

LIAM: Solid?

MATT: Solid.

LIAM: None of this?

MATT: On both sides it looks like a single brace
that comes down from one side.

ASHLY: The back gate, is that pressed against the
forest?

MATT: Both gates have about a ten-foot open space
before it reaches forest. There are stumps and

there are places where trees were cleared out,
specifically to give that opening so that they’d

have a good idea and good visual on anybody who’d
attempt to approach.

MARISHA: Keg, do you know if these people would
have a secret entrance into the basement, to the

dungeon area? Tunnels?

ASHLY: Do I have some sense of that?

MATT: You didn’t work close enough with them to
know of any secret passage. I mean, it makes

sense. There might be one, but nothing that you’ve
come across. If there is one, it’s a well-guarded

secret. You have no idea.

ASHLY: Has anything changed since last I was here,
that I can tell?

MATT: Not really. They’re not into renovations.

ASHLY: Sure.

MATT: If it works, stick with it.

MARISHA: Do the guards sleep here on the estate,
or do they go home at night?

ASHLY: I’d assume they’d stay on the estate.

MATT: They sleep on the estate. They’re paid
essentially as live-in employ guards.

ASHLY: I don’t know how we do this.

SUMALEE: I just want to see my son. I want to go
inside.

SAM: You want to go in and scout around?

ASHLY: How long does your magic last?

SUMALEE: Good question.

MATT: For you, it’s half your druid level, rounded
down, so per transformation, it’s about two hours.

LIAM: How do you get out if you are in a mouse?

MARISHA: Through a gate.

LIAM: The gates are solid.

MARISHA: I thought you said there was a–

LIAM: That’s why I asked.

MARISHA: It’s a solid gate?

ASHLY: Well, if she were to run out into the clear
area, you could use Frumpkin, as if Frumpkin was hunting.

MARISHA: To pick her up. Helivac her out!

LIAM: Possible.

MARISHA: Owls eat mice. I’m just saying. It makes
sense in nature.

LIAM: Could you make yourself a very distinct
looking mouse, like a shock of white hair on the

mouse head or something like that? Something
unique?

SUMALEE: So that your friend wouldn’t mistake me.

LIAM: Correct.

SUMALEE: I think I can. A particular type of field
mouse.

MATT: You can do that.

SUMALEE: I just want to get close.

ASHLY: Nila, do you promise that if you see your
son, you’re not going to try anything on your own?

SUMALEE: I know I won’t succeed, so I won’t. I
just want to get a look.

LIAM: Send in the animals.

MARISHA: We’ll help you find your son. Keep it
together in there, all right?

SUMALEE: I will.

MARISHA: Now, here’s the thing: goblin girl and
hobo wizard have this spell where they can talk

into your ear. You probably won’t be able to
respond back as a mouse except for maybe squeaks. Squeaks?

SAM: How about one squeak is “yes,” two squeaks is
“no.”

MARISHA: That’s good.

SAM: Three squeaks is, “My son’s been compromised!
Please come rescue me! I’m dying in here! Please

"come get me!”

SUMALEE: Okay, one squeak: yes. Two squeaks: no.
Three squeaks–

SAM: “Oh my god, everything’s gone to shit!”

LIAM: Would Comprehend Languages work with a
mouse, or no? That would be a different spell,

right? Speak with Animals?

MATT: Comprehend Languages has to be spoken
languages or written language.

LIAM: I agree, yeah.

SUMALEE: I’m not going to do three squeaks because
I’m going to hold it together and I will come out. Right?

LIAM: Yeah, K.I.T. Keep it together.

SAM: Absolutely. You are a strong, powerful
firbolg. Are you sure you don’t know Pumat Sol?

ASHLY: I knew you were going to say it! I knew it.
You were doing so well.

SUMALEE: What is that?

SAM: He’s one of you. There’s four of him.

MARISHA: “He’s one of you?” That’s so generalizing
and demeaning.

SAM: I mean, they’re kind of all the same, right?

ASHLY and MARISHA: No!

SUMALEE: Now it’s demeaning.

MARISHA: Matt drowns the future comments.

LIAM: You must know Jareth the Goblin King? You’re
buddies with him?

SAM: All goblins are different.

MARISHA: Question, where this collection of
barrels–

MATT: Green privilege. Go on.

MARISHA: The collection of barrels. Are they on
the inside in the courtyard?

MATT: They’re inside the courtyard, yes.

MARISHA: How about we use that barrel pile as your
meeting point? We’ll make sure that Frumpkin’s

watching the barrel pile, and you get back there
when you’re done scouting.

SUMALEE: I’m up for it.

MARISHA: You got this, and we’re relying on you.
So, you know, don’t fuck it up.

SUMALEE: There is that word again. It has many
meanings.

LIAM: Truth.

MATT: Do you take your form, then?

SUMALEE: Yes, I will take my form.

MARISHA: Oh my god, this is so exciting!

MATT: Nila’s large firbolg physicality blinks down
to this tiny little field mouse. What

characteristic of it do you want to stand out?

MARISHA: I’m so happy.

SUMALEE: The nice white stripe across the top,
from its head all the way down.

MATT: It’s like a skunk mouse. Like Stripe from
Gremlins. All right, there is Nila in mouse form.

LIAM: Ja, but we didn’t talk about the first
part. Frumpkin’s got to bring her in there. Buddy,

don’t eat, just carry her. Stay away from the two
on the top, okay? Put her by the barrels if you

can. Then come back.

MATT: Frumpkin moseys up to the edge of your
shoulder. Looks over towards her. Lands on the

ground next to you, does a couple of hops up to
you.

SUMALEE: I offer my neck to pick me up.

MATT: For a brief moment you all inhale, and you
see the claws have wrapped around the mouse’s

body. Suddenly, you’re soaring through the air, a
sensation you’ve never had before. As Frumpkin

makes his way over into the trees, make a stealth
check for Frumpkin, please.

LIAM: As he’s going, I tell him: Correction, find
an out of the way place to sit and watch those

barrels. Stealth, you say?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: For my owl, so I have to go to the other
page. The owl page.

MATT: Yes, you do.

LIAM: Which I have ready.

SAM: You have an owl page on D&D Beyond?

LIAM: 13.

ASHLY: That wonderful service?

SAM: Oh god, the house is full of tabaxi!

MARISHA: We sent in a laser pointer! Shit!

MATT: It’s the best use of Prestidigitation. Look
at the red light! As you’re soaring through the

boughs, the leaves and the branches soar past, the
wind past your face. You get that high view of

down into the courtyard as suddenly you go into a
steep dive. Within a moment, you’re lifted back up

and then dropped onto the ground next to one of
the barrels. Frumpkin takes off. The guard glances

over, and is going to take a shot.

LIAM: Take your shot.

MATT: Natural five! It’s going to put it at a
nine. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t hit.

LIAM: Does not hit my owl.

MATT: (arrow hissing) “Eh, shit,” you hear
muttered over the side. Seems bored and wanted to

shoot at something that looked interesting.

LIAM: You hear beside you: Arschloch.

MATT: There you are in the courtyard now.

SUMALEE: I want to go toward–

MARISHA: My terrible map of what I think based on
what he drew.

MATT: It’s not bad. Immediately glancing around,
make a perception check, actually, as you are

coming into the courtyard.

MARISHA: Were the porthole windows in the wall, or
in the actual building?

MATT: They were in the wall of the second floor.

LIAM: Of the building?

MATT: Of the building, yes.

SUMALEE: Shit! Six.

MATT: It’s hard to see any specific areas where
you can get in other than the main doors. There is

a slight gap between the front door to the
entrance and the floor of the interior. Other than

that, scooting around the exterior, it’s the only
entrance you see.

LIAM: P.O.V., two inches tall.

MATT: Yep, right at the bottom. This is some Honey
I Shrunk the Kids shit now.

SUMALEE: I should have talked to my friends before
to get a plan. Nila’s a little confused again.

MATT: You’re looking at the building right there.
You can see the two guards going along the wall.

You hear the sound of work being done on the carts
around the side, and all you see is that front

door with that slight gap at the bottom. What are
you doing?

SUMALEE: I think I want to go underneath the gap.

MATT: Okay. You scoot, squeeze under, flattening
out your mouse body and making your way through on

the inside. The immediate warmth hits you from the
cold exterior of the forest. The inside is, mostly

being stone, comparatively, the temperature is
much warmer in here. Coming inside, it’s still a

flat stone floor. It’s not very well decorated at
all.

SAM: So judgy.

SUMALEE: Field mouse is not looking at the
decoration.

MATT: In the sense that comparatively to some
other places you’ve seen here, it’s just plain,

stone walls. It’s very basic. It’s so basic.
Looking inside, there is one curved stone

staircase that leads up to the second floor. There
is a hall that goes to the left and further down

to one side. There is a closed door that leads
into an interior chamber, and that’s all you can

see at the moment. The spiral staircase up, the
door ahead of you, and the hall that curves around

the side.

SAM: You know it’s down.

SUMALEE: It’s down where my son could be. Sorry,
so I don’t want to go up the spiral staircase.

What are the other two options?

SAM: Around to the side or a closed door.

LIAM: This floor, upstairs or downstairs.

SUMALEE: Downstairs.

MARISHA: Do the spiral stairs go up and down?

MATT: They only go up, yes.

SUMALEE: I have to pick one of the two doors and
hope that it leads down.

MATT: The door or the hallway, one of the two.

SUMALEE: (sighs) I wish I had my smell pouch!

(laughter)

SUMALEE: I’ll choose… the door.

MARISHA: It’s the game show host problem.

MATT: You squeeze beneath the door and immediately
see a general mess room. There are a couple of

tables and chairs that are pressed up against
them. The smell of alcohol and stale, dried meat

hits your nose and you can see immediately,
sitting in two of the chairs, two members of The

Iron Shepherds that are in the process of eating a
midday lunch. One of them is a small male

halfling. He has a weaselly-looking face. He’s in
the process of finishing what’s comparatively to

his size, a large tankard of ale, and eating some
sort of heavy starch biscuit meal. Across from

him, on the other side of the table, you see a
human female barbarian with greasy curls of

blondish hair that meet with her fur shoulder and
very tattered leathers for decoration. They’re

both drinking and eating. Catching off the side of
the ear, the halfling is seemingly

mid-complaint about how, “You know, it really
ticks me off that we lost some good catches on the

way up here. Boss shouldn’t’ve been so careless
with that, but I mean, I’m not going to tell him

that. You know, it’s frustrating.” The women
finishes a bite and a big swig of her glass.

“Yeah, well, you got to break some eggs,
sometimes.” Like she’s making some big

pontification, some big statement. He goes, “Wise
words,” and keeps drinking and they go into a

quiet state, but there’s two of them now present.
You do know that at least they’ve returned and

there are some present inside. It does not appear
that there’s any other entrance downward. There’s

a secondary door on the opposite end.

SUMALEE: Go to the secondary door.

MATT: Make a stealth check.

MARISHA: Come on, mouse. Come on, mousey-poo. Oh!
That’s good!

SUMALEE: 17.

LIAM: Squeakers!

MATT: Okay. You dart around the side, beneath a
table, beneath a bench, and around the edge. None

the wiser of your presence. They give no shits.
You make your way and squeeze past the door on the

opposite end. There you come to a suiting room.
There are weapons that are hung up on racks. There

are a couple of small wooden poles with dowels in
the sides that are meant to hold armor, shields

and things that are there, additional crossbows
and things that the guards probably utilize at

different points. This is an equipment storage
room. There is another door to the left. Where you

entered and squeezed underneath, there is a door
to the left that you can go under as well. As you

leave and pass that room, you head to a back
hallway to this interior part of this level. This

hallway continues down and seems to meet the hall
that continued around the left side, and then

continues on. To the right, there is another door
that leads into another chamber.

SUMALEE: Got to do it. Down the hall to the right
chamber. This now I know that I didn’t have to go

down that other hallway, the first one, because
that’s already met up here, right?

MATT: The other hallway would have continued this
way, and the hallway you’re just emerging now,

meets with it. Then on that right side of it,
there is a door that leads into whatever room is

the next one over from that mess hall chamber. You
head into that room? Heading down that room, it’s

a small closet-like room, and there is a trapdoor
on the ground.

SUMALEE: That’s it, but how do I open the trapdoor
now?

SAM: Maybe there’s a little crack or something.

SUMALEE: That’s what I think is my way downstairs,
so I go toward the trapdoor, see if I can’t get in.

MATT: Make a strength check in your mouse form.

MARISHA: Try and squeeze under? This is when a
natural 20 is– aw.

SUMALEE: Nine, that’s a nine.

MATT: Yeah, no. I’ll put that at a minus four.
Your mouse isn’t strong enough to budge the door

that is currently–

MARISHA: There might be a hole in the floor or
something else.

SUMALEE: I feel like that’s the key, but I want to
keep looking to see how many Iron Shepherds there

may be in any other location that I haven’t
explored.

MATT: Okay, make a perception check.

SUMALEE: 14.

MATT: As you’re pushing against the door, you do
hear voices muffled from below. Then you hear what

sounds like a laugh, a deep billowing laugh.

SUMALEE: Can I gnaw my way through the door?

MATT: You can! And in a few days, you’ll probably
make your way through.

SUMALEE: I hear a laugh. Oh, have I heard this
laugh before?

MATT: You have.

SUMALEE: Shit. This is enough for me, I know
they’re down there. The leader of the Iron

Shepherds is down there beneath that trapdoor.
That’s what I believe. I don’t know what to do now.

ASHLY: Can you guys talk to her?

SAM: We can send a Message.

LIAM: After a while, yeah.

SAM: I’ll send a Message saying: Are you still
alive?

SUMALEE: (squeaks)

SAM: She’s still alive.

MATT: Sumalee, what are you going to do?

SUMALEE: I am going to stick to my mission to
scout. I am going to pull everything I have to go

away from the trap door, knowing where it is, and
I am going to scurry up and I want to explore that

spiral staircase.

MATT: You’re heading back into the cross-hallway.
Are you following down the hall or are you heading

back through the mess room?

SUMALEE: I’ll go the hallway this time.

MATT: Okay, you scurry around the hallway. There
is nobody in there, so there is no one you are

trying to hide from. You make it back to the main
entryway, head to the staircase, and it takes you

awhile to get up there, because the steps are
about that high each. It’s a little jump, and then

you miss a few and have to stop and skitter back
up. It takes you awhile, the better part of about

20 to 25 minutes. You eventually make your way to
the second floor. Up there, you can see another

hallway and as opposed to the bottom floor, which
had an L-shaped hallway that went around, this one

has a perimeter hall. There are those porthole
windows that are carved into the stone, two on

each side. As you come up to the top, the hall
goes around and there’s a central chamber on the

inside, or chambers if they’re divided. You can
see immediately on the second floor, a door

directly available to the one that’s just north of
you. You don’t see any other door on this

particular corridor.

SUMALEE: All right, let’s crawl under that door.

MATT: You scoot beneath that door and inside
there, you can see a number of beds. You see four

different beds that are lined up. You also find a
familiar smell: other mice. Specifically, the

urine of other mice.

SAM: Ugh.

MATT: You glance over and in the corner you can
see one of the comforters that has been partially

eaten and pulled down and tugged. There is a
slight hole in the stone on the edge. You can

distinctly smell that there are other mice that
live in this space.

SUMALEE: Is there anyone in the beds?

MATT: You don’t necessarily know if they are in
the beds at all– There’s nobody in the beds.

Sorry. Yeah, nobody on the beds.

SUMALEE: No people to be seen anywhere?

MATT: No, not in this room.

SUMALEE: Okay. What else can I cover? I want to
cover everything and gather as much of the layout.

MATT: We’ll say as you move into one of the other
rooms, the next two, you do notice that there are

two other chambers. This upper floor is divided
into three different chambers. There is the wide

one that has the four beds, there’s one that has
two other beds, and there’s one that has a

singular large bed. This one room is almost like a
master bedroom. You gather this is probably the

room that Lorenzo sleeps in. It’s a wider bed. It
has, of all the other middling elements of

comfort, this one comparatively is more extravagant,
more comfortable. The layers of cushions–

SAM: A Dwendalian king.

MATT: Goddamn it, Sam. Make a perception check.

SUMALEE: Good. 19.

SAM: Semen stains.

(laughter)

SAM: Everywhere!

SUMALEE: That’s what the mice are eating.

MATT: You look up and there is a makeshift table
on the side of the bed, and a stone platter that

sits on there, and the remains of a meal. The
smell in here is old and slightly decayed, like

something had died. You glance up and you can see
some a bit of graying flesh and a faint glisten of white.

SUMALEE: Oh, god. I want to explore. I want to get
closer.

MATT: Okay. There is an edge of the bed that you
can eventually scurry up and use that to climb up

onto the bed itself. The bed is bowed pretty
heavy. The actual bed was wide; whatever weight

it’s carried from Lorenzo is sunken rather deep in
there. It’s a bit of a pit as you crawl across it,

the blankets tossed and folded over. You make your
way to the edge and look over to this platter and

what you see appears to be bones. Bones that are
covered in strips and elements of leftover meat.

SUMALEE: Do I know what kind of meat?

MATT: There is a skull. A tiny skull.

SAM: Oh boy. That’s not good.

SUMALEE: An animal?

MATT: Not animal.

SUMALEE: I’m almost about to squeak three times
but I’m going to hold it together. I want to get

out now.

MATT: You make your way down off the side of the
bed and into the hallway and begin to turn around

towards the staircase down. As you begin to
descend the staircase, you hear heavy footsteps

making their way towards the base of the stairs.
(thumping sounds) You hear the shifting of

leather. Make a stealth check… with the mouse’s
dexterity which–

SUMALEE: Oh right. Oh, that’s probably better with
the mouse than with Nila.

MATT: What did you roll?

SUMALEE: Seven.

SAM: You’ve got luck.

SUMALEE: Oh yes, thank you! Luck! Thank you!

MATT: Go ahead. Use that luck point.

SUMALEE: Using my luck point. All right come on.
20!

(cheering)

SUMALEE: Thank you, Sam! It’s allowed!

MATT: Oh yeah, no, I know! I’m so thankful
because, as you come down the staircase, you see,

looming up, towards the muscled form of a tired,
but intent to peruse his domain, Lorenzo, making

his way up the same staircase. No glaive in his
hands. As you step up, you manage to wait for the

right moment, hiding in the shadow of the step. As
his legs cross over, you dart down to make your

way, and he doesn’t see a thing. You make your way
back down into the main entryway to this, back out

under the main entrance under the door. You are
now in the courtyard. You head on over to the barrels.

SUMALEE: Yes! Squeak, squeak, squeak! Come get
me!

MATT: Frumpkin has kept watch, specifically sees
the mouse return. Darts down and snatches you up

in your form and swoops up. Make a stealth check
for Frumpkin. The same guard is getting slightly–

LIAM: That’s a 17.

MATT: 17. He glances over and sees Frumpkin dart
down and goes “I got ya.”

SAM: Oh no!

MATT: However, still–I mean good for you!

SUMALEE: Good for Nila!

MATT: Still a natural two. Another bolt goes off.
Frumpkin goes up into the trees, back down to you

guys. They are waiting patiently, watching as the
owl returns and on the ground releases the mouse

form of Nila.

MARISHA: (clapping) Awesome! What did you learn?

MATT: She is still a mouse.

ASHLY: Can she become not a mouse?

MATT: If she wants to.

SUMALEE: Yes, I would like to shift out of my
mouse form.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Tell us everything!

MARISHA: That was awesome!

LIAM: What was?

MARISHA: She didn’t die as a mouse.

LIAM: That’s true.

MARISHA: She turned into a mouse and then came
back and was helped back out by your bird-cat!

That’s awesome!

LIAM: Did you learn anything?

SUMALEE: I did. It’s terrible. I don’t know if I
saw my son. I know where they are keeping people.

I know where they are keeping their prisoners.
There is a trap door. You can get through it,

through a mess hall and through another room and a
hallway. There are two Iron Shepherds eating in

the mess hall. There are, I think, many under the
trap door.

LIAM: Many?

SUMALEE: Well, I saw beds. I saw six beds, plus a
big bed. The big bed belongs to the leader.

ASHLY: What do you mean you don’t know if you saw
your son?

SUMALEE: He was eating something. I don’t think it
was him, but it looked like he was eating–

LIAM: One of these in the mess hall?

SUMALEE: No, just the leader that was eating
something that didn’t look like an animal. It

looked small.

ASHLY: Jesus Christ.

SUMALEE: Like my son’s size.

LIAM: How many people? You said two?

SUMALEE: There were six or seven beds, and I heard
voices under the trap door. I know they’re there.

My son is not dead. He is there underneath the
trap door.

LIAM: I pull some paper out and say, “Can you draw
these rooms?”

SUMALEE: Yes, I will do my best.

MATT: I’ll have an actual sketch for you next
time.

SUMALEE: Thank you!

LIAM: That’s cool.

MARISHA: We know that there are members of The
Iron Shepherds here, and we know they have beds

here. Wait until the fall of night?

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Take out the guards, kill them in their
sleep?

SAM: I still would like some help, maybe one extra
hand.

ASHLY: How much time do we have until nightfall?

MATT: Until nightfall? I’d say with the two-hours
travel from the morning, you’d have probably

another six seven hours.

MARISHA: How long is it to travel to get back to
town?

MATT: If you are heading straight south to the
town, it’s maybe another hour. Well, actually a

little less than that.

MARISHA: Not as far as I thought.

SUMALEE: I wish I knew if there was another
entrance or exit underneath that trap door. I

couldn’t get in, but I heard the voices and I
heard many people under there.

MARISHA: If I know anything from my time in the
criminal underworld, it’s these people always have

secret passageways in and out. We could do like a
wide walk of the perimeter, see if we find

anything out-of-place in the forest. See if
there’s a path, and if we don’t find anything,

make our way back into town. Look for a hired
hand.

LIAM: Well, I like the idea of an extra hand or
two to back us up, but I also agree with you. We

go in at night and try to take the guards out, who are
watching quietly, hopefully. If that is the case,

we can go in and get our friends, and if we do
that successfully, then we can burn these ones in

their sleep.

MARISHA: Again with the burning thing.

LIAM: Write what you know.

MARISHA: So. Let’s search around and see if we can
search the woods.

SAM: Do a perimeter check?

MARISHA: Perimeter check.

SAM: Looking for secret entrances!

MATT: All right. I will need both stealth checks
from all of you.

MARISHA: Super stealth.

SAM: Stealthy searching!

ASHLY: I’m at disadvantage?

MATT: You’re disadvantaged with your stealth
check.

ASHLY: Well, I got a one, so there’s not going to
get much worse than that.

MATT: As you are having this discussion, what you
can only amount to be like a large pile of pots

being dropped onto the ground, Keg gets her foot
caught right underneath a nearby tree root and

just (crashing sound effect) onto the ground.
Glancing over, you immediately see that one guard

that was shooting at Frumpkin go like, “Hey, hey
hey hey!”

SAM: (whispering) Hey, let’s run back to town.

MARISHA: Run! Yeah run! We run back to town. Fuck
the perimeter search.

MATT: Heading southward to town or, where are you
doing?

SAM: Southward to town.

MARISHA: Away directly from the building.

MATT: All right, and you guys go running as fast
as you can towards town.

ASHLY: Sorry sorry sorry!

(laughter)

MATT: Charging through the Savalierwood to find
what hopeful aid or fortune you can. And that’s

where we will end tonight’s session.

LIAM: Good game.

MARISHA: Great game!

MATT: Well done, guys.

SUMALEE: I didn’t have it in me anymore to do any
more.

(laughter)

SUMALEE: I’ve already seen such scaring things!

MATT: All right. We will pick up on that next
Thursday, with both Sumalee and Ashly.

ASHLY: Look who’s here!

SAM: Look at this guy!

TALIESIN: Goddamn it, you people! Hi!

SAM: I’m Taliesin Jaffe.

MARISHA: How was it from the lobby?

TALIESIN: It was about ten seconds behind, mostly.
Hi guys.

SAM: Were you the little boy being eaten?

TALIESIN: I was, in fact, the bear. Thank you to
all those that guessed. I was the bear.

MATT: Missed an opportunity.

TALIESIN: Ah not yet, not yet! Ugh! Okay.

MATT and TALIESIN: Maybe next week.

MATT: Anyway, thank you guys! Amazing job!
Sumalee, amazing!

(cheering)

MARISHA: Yes, Nila!

MATT: Thank you guys for coming along with us. For
those of you who we will see at Comic-Con, we will

see you there! If not, you will see our panel on
Tuesday in place of Talks Machina, so you can get

caught up. In the meantime, just know that we love
you. Have a wonderful weekend, and is it Thursday

yet? Good night!

[music]

MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s
episodes of Critical Role, where a bunch of us

nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play
Dungeons & Dragons!

SAM: Yay!

MATT: We have returning this week our fantastic
guests, Ashly Burch and Sumalee Montano. They’ve

been amazing, we’re excited to have them back, and
going to see what this next adventure of the

story’s going to have. Before we get to that, we
have some announcements to get through, beginning

with our fantastic sponsor and friends at D&D
Beyond. Sam?

SAM: D&D Beyond, everybody, two new products have
been announced on D&D Beyond. The Guildmaster’s

Guide to Ravnica, alternate title is That’s So
Ravnica, available for preorder now on the D&D

Beyond marketplace, officially will be released on
November 9th. Also, The Wayfarer’s Guide to

Eberron, alternate title, The Werfernder’s Gerd to
Erberron, available for purchase now on the D&D

Beyond marketplace. As a reminder, anyone who
already has purchased the Legendary bundle can

pre-order or purchase these and any future content
at a 15% discount, everyone. Which has the savings

baked right in. I’ve been using D&D Beyond for a
while now, and they just redid their layout, took

me a while to get used to it. For those of you at
home using D&D Beyond, I have a couple of tips,

pointers, for the new layout, to remind myself
where things are layed out. It’s like little

mnemonics. It’s a weird thing. On the right side
of the screen, you can remember “L E F,” so right

sort of like, LEF, left, sort of. That’s where
loot, equipment and features are. On the left, is

“I A A,” insight and awareness. I’ll put that down
here. Then in the middle, is “A T R,” which is

things you can add to roll. ATR.

LIAM: I have a mounting sense of dread.

SAM: Right up top is “M S T,” which is makes
saving throws. That’s what you add to make saving

throws. That’s Sam’s little guide to how you can
remember the layout of D&D Beyond. And that’s it!

MATT: Thank you, Sam! I hope that was as useful to
you folks as it will never be to any of us. Thank

you to D&D Beyond for being our awesome sponsor.
Onto the next bit of business. For those who

haven’t seen the announcement we had today, we are
headed to London MCM Comic Expo in October,

actually. October 27th and 28th, Critical Role
will be in London! Super excited about that. We’re

looking forward to meeting a lot of you European
Critters out there. We’ve been trying to get an

opportunity to go over there for a while, so glad
we finally have the chance to come and hang out

with you folks across the pond. You can go to
critrole.com for details on it, and we look

forward to seeing you then. Also, as a reminder
for next week, we will not be broadcasting an

episode next Thursday. Instead, we’ll be doing a
live broadcast Friday evening from Indianapolis.

It will be airing, this is Friday, August 3rd, at
9:00pm Eastern time, that’s 6:00pm Pacific. So

it’ll be an hour earlier than what you are used
to, but it’ll be our live show at the Murat

Theater in Indianapolis. Super excited about that.
It’s going to be crazy. It’s going to be

absolutely nuts. Other than that as well, we have
up on our YouTube channel now the VOD of our Vox

Machina character buildout for Pillars of Eternity
II: Deadfire. I went ahead and messed around on

stream for about an hour or so earlier this week
to show you guys my interpretation of building our

first campaign characters, Vox Machina, in Pillars
of Eternity II: Deadfire, and if you want to check

it out, it’s on the YouTube. That’s
youtube.com/criticalrole, and you get to watch me

make each character, and we hang out.

SAM: I watched part of it.

MATT: Did you really?

SAM: It was pretty good, and I might watch it
again so I can actually build those characters.

MATT: I think you should, that surprised me. I’ve
never really done a live stream of just myself

playing a video game before, so that was very new
experience for me. Thank you for your patience. Go

check it out if you want to. Be sure to check out
the Beast of Winter DLC for Deadfire is coming out

soon. You can pick up the game at
versesevil.com/criticalrole, and it’s a fun one,

so check it out if you haven’t yet. Reminder that
we do our Wyrmwood giveaways during the breaks,

and they’re going to be happening over here at the
Critical Role Twitch chat, so I’ll prompt you when

we come to our mid break today, but we need you to
come over to the Critical Role chat to enter the

giveaway, and then head on back to Geek & Sundry,
or wherever else you’re watching. That’ll be at

twitch.tv/criticalrole. Talks Machina, our after
show discussion about what happens this week will

be happening next Tuesday at 7:00pm Pacific, here
on the Geek & Sundry Twitch and Alpha, where our

fantastic host Brian W. Foster interviews us, and
makes us feel a little better about ourselves

after the chaos the previous week had.

SAM: I thought you were going to say makes us feel
a little uncomfortable.

MATT: That was the subtext I was going to go into,
but I’ll leave that for you, Sam. I believe that’s

all I have–

SAM: There’s no merch, there’s nothing merchy?

MARISHA: We made announcements online.

LIAM: There’s brand-new merch, GenCon.

SAM: I’m trying to honor the memory of Laura.

MATT: It’s true!

MARISHA: We’re trying to get better at spercing
our announcements out through other things.

MATT: So we’re not barraging the audience.

SAM: So me talking right now is just wasting
time.

MATT: Yeah, essentially, yeah.

SAM: Cool, cool cool.

MATT: If you are curious about any merch stuff, we
do have some new merch coming up at GenCon. You

can go check it out at critrole.com for all the
details.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: We’ve got some other fun surprises for folks
that are coming, too. Anyway, much love, I think

it’s time–

LIAM: Oh, so tense.

MATT: That we dive into tonight’s episode of
Critical Role.

[click, TV static]

[groovy Critical Role theme]

MATT: Welcome back, everyone. Last we left off,
The Mighty Nein, who had acquired two new allies

in Keg, the dwarven fighter, and Nila, the firbolg
druid, had made their way to the city of

Shadycreek Run. After making your way through the
town, spending an evening staying at the

Landlocked Lady, and getting some information
about where to find info about your quarry, and

where your friends may have been taken to after
they were captured by the Iron Shepherds, a

traveling slavers crew.

SAM: They’re the worst.

MATT: They are the worst. You went and had a
discussion at the Estate Sybaritic with Ophelia

Mardun, of whom you were sent by The Gentleman to
interface with and do a deed for her a little over

two weeks ago. There it seemed that the intent of
your job placed here in this city has aligned with

your current goal of freeing your friends and
seeking vengeance against the Iron Shepherds, as

they currently work for a competitive family to
the Mardun house, and in response to them

destroying parts of the trade route that the
Mardun family enjoys through the center and

southern sides of the empire, they wish you to
instill damage upon their traders as well, by

eliminating the Iron Shepherds. You were given
some ideas as to where you might find some help,

you gathered your things, made your way north into
the seemingly corrupted and haunted Savalierwood,

to seek information about these Iron Shepherds and
where they are. You narrowly avoided two large,

immensely mutated, bone-spurred bear creatures.
You sought out and cased the exterior of the Sour

Nest, which is the fortress that was given to the
Iron Shepherds by the family that pays them and

keeps them in their employ. You decided to send
your new druid friend, Nila, in the form of a

small mouse, over the wall, delivery via owl. She
snuck through some portions of the fortress to

gather intel, and to get an idea of where you were
going and what may reside within. A few close

calls, and some discovery of what can be expected
within the interior, you made your way back,

safely, to join your friends.

ASHLY: I forgot about the baby. (sigh)

SAM: Oh yeah.

ASHLY: Sorry, the meal that Lorenzo was having.

MARISHA: Oh, yeah.

ASHLY: Sorry. That just occurred to me.

MATT: Upon accidentally spooking one of the outer
guards who were walking the perimeter of the wall

that surrounds the Sour Nest, you immediately
picked up what you had, fled south, back through

the Savalierwood, on your way to Shadycreek Run to
look for means of possibly finding more help for

this endeavor when nightfall hits, and whatever
else you can do to prepare for the necessary

evacuation of your allies. And that’s where we
left off. Mighty Nein, as you’ve charged back

through the purplish-gray corrupted Savalierwood,
the midday sun barely visible through slight

peaking cracks through the canopy above you,
leaping and hearing these large growling sounds

and hoots, you beeline it as best you can, and as
quickly as you can, before you breach into the

outskirts of the northern side of the North Clover
area. You’re now between some of the nearby

buildings, and you immediately begin to see some
of the relatively shady denizens of this north

side of Shadycreek Run that glance over their
shoulder, their hooded selves watching you as you

pass. You slow your gait, as you are no longer
fleeing, per se, but you have made your way back

to the town. What would you like to do?

SAM: What time is it?

MATT: At this point it would be midday, a little
bit in the afternoon.

SAM: Okay. Oh god! It’s midday! What do we do?

ASHLY: We’re trying to gather allies right?

MARISHA: Yeah.

ASHLY: That’s the plan.

LIAM: Yeah, and we don’t have all the time in the
world because we are trying to intervene before

the worst happens.

MARISHA: We mentioned about going and looking to
see if a Tasker would be up to it. There were the

Taskers, and there were the other group of hired
workers.

MATT: Yes, The Grunge Gang– The Grudge Gang,
which the Taskers are a part of it.

SAM: Wait, is is Grudge or Grunge?

MATT: Grudge.

SAM: Can I just say Grunge is better name?

MARISHA: Is it like, the Grudge Gang is an
umbrella corporation of the Taskers, or vice versa?

MATT: Vice versa. The Grudge Gang is the
overarching, loose network of mercenaries that

sell swords and do not affiliate directly with any
of the other political powers. They’re all just

outside of the system within the town. The Taskers
are a small subsect of the Grudge Gang that have

taken it upon themselves to keep the peace to a
certain extent.

LIAM: Do we get a sense of the Taskers, are they
just a group, like us? Like a small group, or we

don’t know yet?

MATT: Well, you don’t know. You’ve had some
experience here. The Taskers, best that you can

surmise, you haven’t had a lot of dealings with
them, they are probably in the neighborhood of 30

to 35 people. They are not a massive group by any
means, and they’re stretched a little thin, but

because a lot of them have friends within the
Grudge Gang, and people they’ve worked with

before, they can usually call upon friends if need
be, especially if they have some coin to their

side and they have a specific endeavor they need
to do.

ASHLY: Well?

SAM: Do you think we should go talk one, chat one
up?

ASHLY: It seems like the best option to me. I’m
not sure who else we could turn to.

MARISHA: I mean, just to play devil’s advocate
here, is it an issue if we get a hired mercenary

group to kill another underground faction in their
same town? Is that–

ASHLY: Could it trace back to Ophelia, is that
what you are saying?

MARISHA: Yeah, I don’t know, it’s a weird
political issue, hiring someone in the system.

SAM: Maybe before we go randomly hiring people:
what do we need to make this attack? We can

probably get in. Also, we’re not attacking, right?
We’re just going to go and try to rescue, or maybe

pick off one or two of them, or smoke them out, so
that the prisoners, or whatever, have to leave and

we can rescue, right? We’re not trying to kill
everyone in the motherfucking house, right?

MARISHA: Well this Ophelia wants us to kill
everyone in the motherfucking house.

SAM: Well I just want to get our people out.

LIAM: Then we are not fulfilling our
responsibilities.

SUMALEE: It will be impossible to save our friends
without killing them.

MARISHA: I think she’s right.

LIAM: We go at night, and the first step is taking
care of the two, there could be more, but two that

we saw on the wall, whoever is on the wall at
night, silently. Then, from all you’ve told us, we

have– this might be incomplete information– but
three. There is the shithead himself, and then two you saw.

SUMALEE: At least two eating.

LIAM: So three total that we know about.

SUMALEE: But there were many more beds.

MARISHA: Plus, who knows who could arrive in the
time that we’re gone.

LIAM: That is also correct.

MARISHA: I think we need to be prepared for all of
them.

SAM: But are we going to hire muscle, or magic, or
what are we trying to get? What helps us?

MARISHA: I miss Jester’s healing spells.

SAM: Maybe there’s a place to buy some potions.

ASHLY: Well it seems like– I mean, I’m not the
stealthiest person. It seems like having more

numbers is a good thing. I don’t know if we could
create a distraction of some kind, lead some of

them away. I don’t know.

SUMALEE: I can do that. I’m good at that.

ASHLY: Diversions?

SUMALEE: Yes.

ASHLY: You’re very excited about this, Nila.

SUMALEE: I want to get in there as fast as we
can.

MARISHA: I mean, look. The solution might end up
solving itself, who know who in this town is even

willing to go up against the Iron Shepherds.

ASHLY: Wait, would I know–

SAM: Wait.

LIAM, ASHLY, MARISHA and MATT: Wait.

ASHLY: The place where they keep the prisoners is
underground?

MATT: Correct.

ASHLY: Could we just burn down the building? Burn
down the motherfucking house?

MATT: It’s mostly stone.

ASHLY: Burn down the– is there wood in there?

MATT: There’s elements of wood from a decoration
standpoint, but for the most part, it’s a stone structure.

SAM: We could bring in a lot of kindling.

MARISHA: Smoke them out! That’s actually not a bad
idea, now that I think about it, though.

LIAM: When you were in this house, as a mouse,
there was no way down there. It was a solid trap

door. You don’t know what was under it?

SUMALEE: I could hear them, but that’s the only
thing that I could see.

LIAM: What did you hear, specifically?

SUMALEE: I heard voices, I remember that. I was
trying to listen for my partner and my son. I know

they were the voices of the captured people, the
prisoners. I believe I heard voices as well of

some of the murderers.

LIAM: Well, we need to peel this like an onion. We
need to, I believe, get some help. Get some

reassurance. Outer layer of the onion is making
sure we take whoever is on the walls, whoever is

keeping watch, out, silently, so that we can begin
anew with the building itself. I think that either

you or my friend here should go in ahead of us so
we have some idea of what is happening. Once in a

while I turn this one into a spider. It is slow,
but it is very undetectable.

MARISHA: (laughing)

LIAM: Do you feel differently?

MARISHA: Sorry, I’m just imagining an infiltration
with the spider, like that’s feasible.

SAM: Tip of the spear!

MARISHA: Go, Frumpkin, go!

ASHLY: Get him! Now bite him!

MATT: Lorenzo, felled by a brown recluse!

MARISHA: Put him in his boot!

LIAM: Truthfully, there are ways that I can hurt
people with a spider, but I’m just talking about

having a look around so that we are not walking
into something different than what you saw last night.

MARISHA: Sure. Literally anything is better than a
spider, though. For that. I just want to point that out.

LIAM: Well, I disagree with you.

MARISHA: I mean they’ve got a lot of eyes, I get
that, but I think in terms of a movement

situation, spiders aren’t the best.

LIAM: Agree to disagree.

ASHLY: Do you guys need a second, should we take a
smoke break?

LIAM: You are new. This is very typical. It’s just
part of the group dynamic. We are all friends.

SAM: It’s like, have you ever seen a debate team?
They pick one side, and the other, and then they

just go at it for a while.

ASHLY: There’s no really debating in Shadycreek
Run. Mostly insult, kill, insult, kill.

SAM: They should really start a debate club.

ASHLY: We should really start the first one!

LIAM: I am a master debater.

ASHLY: Shadycreek Debaters? Side mission.

MARISHA: Shady Debaters!

ASHLY: Shady Debaters? That’s all I care about
now.

MATT: Well that’s our next merch piece there.

MARISHA: Laura, make a Shady Debaters debate team
shirt!

MATT: Nope!

LIAM: But we want to take numbers down, so we peel
the outer layer separately. If all goes well, then

there is whoever is upstairs. The big X factor is
what is what is beneath. We don’t know how many

people are underneath.

SAM: You said the sleeping quarters are upstairs.
If we went in the dead of night, and I know you

have a spell that can lock a door, or shut a door
or something?

LIAM: If I can find materials in Shadycreek. I
need gold dust, a lot of gold dust. How likely is

that here?

ASHLY: Would I know where to find that? Would that
be the general store, would that have that?

MATT: They may have it there, yeah. You haven’t
had to acquire gold dust before, but if you were

to ask around, you could see if there’s some place
in the vicinity that might carry it.

LIAM: To first get gold dust, I would need gold.

ASHLY: Which we would also need to hire people.

SAM: We have some.

LIAM: How much do we have? I have next to
nothing.

ASHLY: I have 130.

SUMALEE: I have ten gold pieces.

SAM: Did you say ten?

SUMALEE: Ten.

SAM: Oh wow.

SUMALEE: I am happy to contribute that.

ASHLY: Is it 130 gold? Or is it silver that I
have?

MATT: 130 gold.

LIAM: What about in the haversack? Does Jester
have any funds in there?

SAM: Oh. That’s a good question. I’ll reach in and
see what she has.

MARISHA: I’ve got a little bit of funds.

LIAM: Text thread explodes in five, four, three.

SAM: I need my thing? Where’s the currency in
here?

MARISHA: If you go under equipment–

ASHLY: You don’t remember your handy acronym?

SAM: I need it written down! Oh there it is.

LIAM: Remember, “LIAM EATS FARTS.”

SAM: “LIAM EATS FARTS!” That’s right, it’s right
here. I have a few hundred gold.

MARISHA: Same.

ASHLY: Maybe we need people on the outside to take
care of folks on watch. The onion you’re talking

about, maybe the outer layers are the hired hands,
and then we’re the ones who go in.

LIAM: Yeah, it could be a group effort. I feel
very confident for many of our skills for the ones

on the outside. What I’m concerned about is
entering the front door. What is behind? What I

would like to do is go when they are sleeping and
hopefully murder them in their sleep, is the best case.

SUMALEE: Why don’t we call them out, then? Why
don’t we make them come outside? We have more

abilities outside.

SAM: But then they’ll have weapons.

LIAM: Yeah, the thing when someone is sleeping in
a bed is they are like little– (whispering) I was

going to say babies. I shouldn’t say that!

SAM: Don’t say that to her, especially.

SUMALEE: I cannot use my lightning inside. That is
all I’m saying.

ASHLY: What if we lure one of them out for you to
fry like a chicken?

SUMALEE: I would be okay with that.

LIAM: There’s a little bit that we have to play
this by ear. I think we should go at night to

handle things when it is the least busy.

ASHLY: Is there anything we’re missing?

SAM: We have no way of healing ourselves if we
die, unless you have healing potions on you.

LIAM: Well, maybe we can find some in Shadycreek.

ASHLY: I have two potions of greater healing.

SAM: How many do we all have? She has two.

MARISHA: I have one.

LIAM: One.

SUMALEE: Of what?

MARISHA: Healing potions.

SUMALEE: I have Healing Words.

SAM, ASHLY, and MARISHA: Ooh!

SUMALEE: Does that help?

MARISHA: That does help!

SUMALEE: Excellent! And I have those Goodberries!

MARISHA: Those are good! Those are great!

SUMALEE: And I can help give us extra power. In my
clan, we have a bear spirit known as Oaktar. If I

invoke the spirit of Oaktar, it gives us each
extra power.

ASHLY: Your clan sounds awesome.

SAM: Do I have to go to church or anything?

SUMALEE: No, you just have to be– I think it’s
within 30 feet of where I put the spirit totem.

LIAM: That seems strangely specific.

MARISHA: I’m into it, yeah.

ASHLY: So to Nott’s point, what do we need? We
need fighters, we need magic? What do we need?

MARISHA: I like the idea of getting some sort of
fighter, especially if Nila can maybe take out

that outer onion layer with the lightning. We
should have found a better analogy.

LIAM: Than an onion? Well, how about we’re just
going to kill the people on the wall, how is that

for a metaphor?

MARISHA: I like that.

LIAM: I like the idea of someone with a little bit
of muscle and then another person who is adept at

healing injuries.

SAM: Well, we did hear about that weird– someone
said that there’s some priest or something, or cleric?

LIAM: In the woods.

MARISHA: Ophelia mentioned that, yeah.

SAM: Yeah, so we could go see if they could give
us–

MARISHA: Aid.

SAM: Or come along?

LIAM: Did Ophelia mention how far out into the
woods that person was?

MATT: Travel on foot is about roughly four to six
hours depending on how well you can make your way

through the terrain.

LIAM: It is the same day?

MATT: It’s like two in the afternoon, yeah.

SAM: So we can make it tonight.

MARISHA: I oddly trust that more than hiring
someone from The Grudge Gang.

LIAM: Ja, that is a good point.

MARISHA: I feel like The Grudge Gang might have
ties to the Iron Shepherds or at least an inside man.

LIAM: Yeah, friendsies.

ASHLY: I mean we could try, but if all they are is
a healer–

SAM: That would be amazing, though. I mean healing
potions are nice, but we need someone who can– we

get killed a lot or nearly, you know?

ASHLY: Yeah.

MARISHA: I’ve seen some pretty badass priests in
my day.

ASHLY: Do I have any sense of–

SAM: You have?

ASHLY: She mentioned some of the kooky ones out in
the woods, right?

MATT: Yeah, she mentioned a Blooming Grove.

ASHLY: Do I have any sense of what that is?

MATT: You’ve not necessarily heard of The Blooming
Grove. Roll a history check, actually.

ASHLY: This not going to go well. 12.

MATT: That’s not too bad. You’ve vaguely heard of
The Blooming Grove, but it’s not referred to that

very often. It’s more referred to do as The Bone
Orchard.

ASHLY: Hmm, less fun.

MATT: Yeah, you haven’t been there, but from what
you know, it’s this strange, ancient gravesite

that’s been on the outskirts of town, a few miles
out, since before the town was built.

ASHLY: Are these healers considered by people in
Shadycreek Run to be wackadoos? Or are they–

MATT: From what you know, from what you’ve heard,
everyone thinks they’re strange, creepy hermits

and possibly witches. No one really goes there.
Some folk in here tend to put on the air of not

being superstitious, but the Savalierwood carries
a lot of superstition with it. Some folks, while

they may play it off, still seem to get a little
nervous about delving too deep into it.

ASHLY: Well, that is a good point. If this person
lives in the Savalierwoods, then they’re not weak.

There’s a lot of crazy shit in the woods, so they
must be able to hold their own, or at least remain discrete.

SAM: They don’t belong to any pact, or group that
we would need to negotiate with?

ASHLY: No, they live outside the– I mean, they’re
not even really related to the clans.

MARISHA: Did we hear what god they worship?

MATT: You have no idea.

MARISHA: I feel like if it was one of the accepted
gods of The Empire, you wouldn’t have to hide out

in the woods. I’m kind of into this idea.

ASHLY: We can try.

SAM: Is it worth asking a Tasker first? What would
we even ask? Just how much it would be to hire you

for some muscle?

ASHLY: Yeah. They’re not affiliated directly. It’s
better for them to not be affiliated with any

particular groups, so– but you know. This is not
a great place.

LIAM: Well, we’re weighing two things against each
other. One is expediency because there are many

people in Shadycreek who could possibly lend a
sword or ability. But I think that you are

correct. That there is no telling their
allegiance, and I’m not ruling them out, but this

person out in the woods: probably not in the
pocket of our enemies. We need to come to a

decision promptly.

ASHLY: Well, how hardy would you say the mental
state of your companions is?

MARISHA: The ones in captivity?

ASHLY: Yeah.

SAM: Oh, I thought you meant us, because we’re
right here. We can hear you.

ASHLY: No. I know that.

MARISHA: Probably pretty unstable.

ASHLY: What, do you think that they would be
susceptible to torture?

MARISHA: Being controlled.

SAM: Fjord, probably not. Yasha’s probably is
okay. Jester has already turned. She’s flipped.

She’s probably flipped.

ASHLY: Oh, then there’s no rush.

LIAM: Or wrapped them around her finger, one way
or the other. No, they are actually pretty–

they’ve got their shit together.

MARISHA: They arguably have their shit together
way more than the three of us do.

ASHLY: Would they look after–

LIAM: A child?

ASHLY: Yeah.

LIAM: Yes.

ASHLY: Okay.

MARISHA: Yeah, especially Jester.

ASHLY: Then maybe it’s all right to take a little
bit more time.

LIAM: We have to make a decision.

MARISHA: What time is it?

MATT: Pushing past two to three in the afternoon.

MARISHA: You said it’s four hours there.

MATT: Four to six hours depending on how well you
travel.

ASHLY: We have our horses?

SAM: Are we walking or horsing?

MATT: That’s walking. Your horse isn’t going to go
any faster than you in the middle of this very

clustered forest. There’s no path that leads to
it.

MARISHA: Brisk power walk there, that’ll get us
there right around sunset. Talk to people. Power

walk back, should get us there back–

SAM: For the Tonight Show?

MARISHA: Yes, in time for Saturday Night Live.

(laughter)

ASHLY: Lorenzo loves that show. He’ll be up
watching it.

MARISHA: Great.

ASHLY: We’ll change the plan.

LIAM: (announcer voice) Ophelia Mardun.

(laughter)

MARISHA: We might be able to go and get back in
time, is what I’m saying, and still be able to

attack tonight.

LIAM: To the household, ja. If we find what we
find in the woods is helpful enough, and we feel

good with what we got. Then in the middle of the
night is a go.

MARISHA: If it is a total bust, then that sucks.

SAM: We can still find a Tasker.

ASHLY: Yeah, they don’t have a bedtime.

MARISHA: That’s true.

LIAM: We want to hit it at two or three in the
morning.

MARISHA: All right, let’s go. Are you good with
that, Nila? You seem apprehensive.

SUMALEE: I could check my smell bag, but I trust
you right now.

SAM: No, check your smell bag.

SUMALEE: Oh thank you. It makes me feel so much
better.

SAM: See if it passes the smell test.

LIAM: Whatever makes you feel comfortable.

SUMALEE: This is for going to find the priest who
has special abilities for reviving the dead and

healing people.

SAM: (fart noise)

SUMALEE: Pretty good. Okay, this is for The
Taskers and The Grunge Gang.

ASHLY: She took your name for it.

SAM: Oh, it’s a better name.

SUMALEE: Did I mistake it?

ASHLY and SAM: No, no.

ASHLY: That’s perfect. Smell your bag.

SUMALEE: It smells salty. Salty versus a little
bit of a raw, but grounded spicy flavor. I like

that one. Let us go see the priest. Thank you,
smell bag.

LIAM: You cannot argue with that.

SAM: No. You cannot argue with someone who talks
to a smell bag.

ASHLY: That is accurate.

SUMALEE: It has given me so much comfort over many
years. I love it. Thank you.

SAM: Sure.

MARISHA: Well, shall we?

LIAM: Yeah.

ASHLY and MARISHA: Let’s power walk.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Butt-cheeks clenched.

ASHLY: What’s the one where you wiggle? Is that
power walking?

SAM: Speed walking.

MARISHA: You know like grandmas in malls, like
around Christmas time.

LIAM: Are we Prancercising?

MATT: Everyone has their Fitbits attuned?

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: First off, what’s your marching order,
please?

LIAM: Oh, also are our horses dead?

SAM: No, we can take the horses. It wouldn’t speed
us up, but at least we’d be on horses.

MATT: You can take them with you.

LIAM: But it wouldn’t speed us up, because it’s
the woods?

MATT: Because it’s like a thick wood.

LIAM: Let’s walk.

MATT: Okay. Who’s up front? Who’s in the back?
Who’s guiding what?

ASHLY: Would I know better, potentially, where I’m
going? Should I be in front? Or have I never been to this?

MATT: It depends. Whoever wants to guide this will
be taking the survival checks to lead you through.

So who wants to be making–

SAM: Nila, you seem to know about the woods. No?

SUMALEE: I would be happy to. Oh yes, survival is
good for me.

LIAM: I will walk just behind Nila.

MAT: Okay, so Nila’s helming that.

SUMALEE: You are relying on me. I’m very happy.

ASHLY: Aww.

LIAM: She’s just the biggest. I’m going to stand
next to the biggest person.

MATT: That’s a good call.

MARISHA: That’s still reliance.

MATT: Who’s behind or near Caleb?

ASHLY: I’ll take up the back.

MATT: All right, so Keg’s holding up the back.
Beau in the middle?

MARISHA: Nott, do you want the middle?

SAM: Yes, please.

MATT: There you go. I’ll put Frumpkin there, next
to– okay.

MARISHA: Fuh-wumpkin.

MATT: Taking this moment now, you begin to head
back away from Shadycreek, and helming this group

of ragtag adventures you’ve under your wing. You
tread into an area of the Savalierwood you’ve not

traveled before hoping that your instincts, your
smell bag, and the spirit of what nature has

managed to maintain itself through this corrupted
wood could guide you properly to your destination.

I need you to make a survival check, please.

ASHLY: She is superstitiously leading us around,
just smelling.

LIAM: Get it girl.

SUMALEE: Oh.

MARISHA: That was almost great.

LIAM: Is there anything to add to– ooh.

SUMALEE: Ten.

MATT: Ten, okay. You still have your Luck feat if
you want to, unless you want to save it.

SUMALEE: Oh, yes.

MATT: You have two more points left.

SUMALEE: I think we should use it. Yes. I would
like to use one Luck point.

MATT: One more Luck point.

SUMALEE: 17 plus seven. 24.

MATT: 24, okay!

SUMALEE: We shall survive.

MATT: Not only do you swiftly manage to find the
portions of the wooded paths that are least

blockaded by thorny brambles and fallen
half-rotted trees, but you also manage to help the

party avoid a few small openings that look
uniquely and uncomfortably welcoming. In the midst

of a wood like this, you know from your experience
as well, that it is not always a good idea to step

where it seems most inviting, when you know the
wood around you to be less so.

MARISHA: (whispering) Yes, yes.

MATT: As you crest around the second of these open
groves, you notice how the ground itself seems to

shift slightly, and you watch as for a moment it
seems to almost pit as elements of the dirt suck

inward. You know the antlion funnels that appear
in the sand and begins to come in towards them.

The ground almost seems to sink in for a second
before righting itself. The grove stands flat once

more, but thankfully, due to the survival
instincts of your firbolg leader, you manage to

careen past two of these patches without issue.
Pushing on at a fairly intense speed, within three

and a half hours, not even the full four–

ASHLY: Hey!

MATT: You manage to make your way to an area where
the color notably changes ahead of you. The

somewhat still purple-gray color that suffuses
most of the natural landscape within the

Savalierwood, gives way to a patch of green in the
distance. This is the first sign that calls forth

that warm sensation you got when you had checked
this path within your smell bag. As the rest of

you begin to gather up behind Nila, the closer you
get you begin to watch as these winter trees, that

comprise most of this northern forest, give way to
green oaks and swamp-based plant life. The

temperature, as you get to a certain threshold,
begins to be not quite as biting cold, slightly

warmer with each step. Looking around immediately,
the first thing that catches your eye is this

large wall of tangled vine and thorns. The same
purplish-gray color. The green is still ahead of

you. Do you guys want to continue on? Anything you
want to do?

ASHLY: You said there’s a wall of thorns?

MATT: It looks like a natural wall that curls up
about five or so feet.

ASHLY: In our way.

MATT: In your way, yes.

SAM: How far to the sides does it go? As far as
the eye can see?

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: That’s sort of cocked. I’ll take it anyway.
11 plus nothing.

MATT: A little ways off it seems to dip a bit.
Maybe about 100 feet or so to the northern side of

it. You’ve been traveling northwest to reach this
part of the forest.

MARISHA: We can’t see over the wall?

MATT: You can see over it a bit, as there’s only
about five or so feet most places. As you get a

little bit closer, you can see areas where these
tangle of vines are pulled apart or have entirely

enclosed, and you see long-rusted, wrought iron
bars, a fence of some kind. A boundary that was

placed long ago, that has since been slowly taken
back by nature. You then begin to see that area of

the wall that you had noticed, Nott, that had
seemed to be bending, and the vines have actually

curled over and bent it downward. It seems that
whatever this little section of the forest is–

whatever protective magics that once contained
this outer vicinity have begun to give in to the

corruption of the Savalierwood.

SAM: Should we hop the fence?

LIAM: One moment. I send Frumpkin up to flit about
50 feet ahead to see if there is anything ahead,

or from a bird’s eye view that we are unable to
detect.

MATT: Okay, make a perception check for Frumpkin
with advantage because it is still in the owl form.

LIAM: That is a 21.

MATT: Frumpkin darts up, jumping from tree edge to
tree edge, gliding through. There are numerous

layers of similar walls. Three different layers,
looks like. Whereas the outskirts or the perimeter

of this beautiful, protected, ancient gravesite
that once held this corruption at bay has slowly

collapsed inward, and a new boundary is placed.
Then that boundary has fallen. As the corruption

pulls in further, a new boundary is built. That
third boundary now seems to be in the process of

giving in, just like its previous constructs.
Within this third area, you can see not just a

lack of snow, or ice, or the winter chill, but a
nearly humid summer warmth, something more akin to

the southern tip of the Empire or even Menagerie
Coast. It is an unexpected and extreme shift in

temperature and weather. There is something
unnatural, or at least magical, that maintains

this little pocket of untouched paradise. There
you can see small pools, bits of bog where the

soft green and browns of compost fall into green,
thick, algae-covered bits of water. You can see

dozens and dozens of stone tablets, about a foot
to two feet high, with bits of script across them,

too far to see, that have partially fallen or
leaning. At which point Frumpkin looks around and

this entire area, from the outer very edge where
that first perimeter wall was found, to the inside

has all been graves, most taken back by the
Savalierwood as it slowly crushes whatever this

location is at its source. On the far end, towards
the core and the back– the northern side of this

final, defending pocket of uncorrupted forest–
you can see a stone building, maybe 20 by 30 feet,

built as an old stone steeple. It stands
windowless, open, and the floor of it to each open

window overgrown with green vine and leaf.

LIAM: Frumpkin is how far from me at this point?

MATT: Frumpkin is about 100 to 150 feet from you.

LIAM: So I can only watch. I have muttered all
this, watching. We are talking concentric rings?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: I think this is the place.

LIAM: Ja.

MATT: Frumpkin begins to return, and a passing of
one of the clouds gives more sunlight that breaks

through what was previously a very dense, gray
sky. As the light passes between the small breaks

in the tree canopies, the green comes to light
with color, numerous types of color. A rainbow of

flowers, of pigments you’ve never really seen
before, begin to emerge as the light hits it.

Nearly every inch of these gravesites contain a
smattering scatter of rainbow colors across petal

and stamen.

LIAM: I am beginning to think this a little more
than we came looking for, but we have traveled a ways.

SAM: Is there any sign of life? I mean, other than
plant life?

MATT: You saw maybe a few frogs, small natural
creatures that exist within this space, but

nothing that would resemble a human yet. It seems
still.

SAM and ASHLY: Let’s go in.

SAM: How do we get over these things? Could we
climb them or would we get cut to shreds?

MATT: You can certainly try.

ASHLY: How tall are the gates?

MATT: The areas where the fence has been pushed in
is between five to six feet in places, areas where

it seems to be pushed down lower to about four to
even three and a half.

ASHLY: Your friend’s coat? I know it’s maybe
not–

SAM: You mean the tapestry?

ASHLY: The tapestry. I know it might hurt it, but
if we drape it over–

MARISHA: We buried him with it.

ASHLY: Oh, that’s right.

MARISHA: But that’s a good idea.

ASHLY: You want to go back? I could try to hack at
it with my axe.

SUMALEE: Could an animal jump over it?

MATT: Yeah. You guys could attempt to climb and
leap over. Elements of it are thorned and jagged.

MARISHA: This is what I used to do to hop fences
back in the day. I look for a few broken-down

branches that might be my height.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

MARISHA: A handful.

LIAM: We are going on a witch hunt. We can’t go
over it, we can’t go under it.

MARISHA: Ten.

MATT: That’s fair. It takes you a few minutes and
you find a couple of softer pieces of branch and

vine that have fallen to the corruption. It’s
interesting; you touch them and they’re supple

like vines, but they’re gray and freezing to the
touch. It’s a very weird, unnatural feeling, but

it seems supple.

MARISHA: Before I do anything with it, I take it
over to Nila. Nila, have you seen any type of

blight on a plant like this before? Do you know
what this is? It’s cold, feel it.

SUMALEE: You’re right. Do I know what this is?

MATT: Make a nature check.

SUMALEE: I love making nature checks. Yes! 17.

MATT: You’ve studied and seen, within the vicinity
of where you grew up and where your clan had

raised you and your children, numerous types of
disease and natural means of plant life succumbing

to illness or an outside force. What you can tell
is that this is not natural. This is not some

naturally formed blight. There is some much older
and much more powerful latent reasoning for this corruption.

SUMALEE: I do not feel safe using it.

ASHLY: I know this is well-worn dwarf goof
territory, but does someone want to throw me?

SAM: That seems very derogatory. Also you’re super
heavy, though, aren’t you?

ASHLY: That’s true. You all want to throw me?

MARISHA: I take the branches and I try to lay them
down over the vines a little bit and give a little

less thorny of a ramp.

MATT: You lean them up against it and slowly they
bow over.

MARISHA: Look, they hook all on their own, that’s
pretty good.

ASHLY: Good job, Beau.

MARISHA: Thank you, look at that!

SAM: We could try to throw you.

ASHLY: I guess it might make more sense to throw
you, but I don’t want to–

SAM: No, you can throw me, sure.

LIAM: Caleb starts to climb over.

MATT: All right. Make a perception check.

LIAM: 16.

MATT: As you carefully place your hands across the
elements of vine and root, you manage to keep a

keen glance for any sort of bladed, thorned, or
hooked elements that protrude from the local

fauna. You manage to avoid any of them from
catching your coat, catching your flesh, and step,

leaping over to the opposite side without issue.

SAM: That’s amazing! He’s amazing.

LIAM: Nobody was aware I was panicked the whole
time. The thorns are almost like small razors.

SAM: I’m coming!

LIAM: Careful.

SAM: I’m just going to dash over.

MATT: You’re just going to dash over? Make an
acrobatics check.

SAM: That was 12 plus… 19.

MATT: Caleb has shown areas, as he passed over,
where you can safely climb. The rest of you don’t

need to make checks. Nott ignores this entirely
and goes leaping and flipping and attempting to

make her way over. The actual fence bends slightly
at the impact of foot, the iron beneath having

wilted due to long-form rust and whatever
perpetual weight has been placed upon it from this

land attempting to reclaim it from underneath.
Nott leaps, double flip in the air, lands on the

opposite side, skids a bit as your feet hit a
slight bit of the icy floor, but you manage to

catch yourself, no issue.

ASHLY: Keg holds up a ten.

MATT: Each of you make your way over this element
of the forest, continuing on past the next two

boundaries, eventually making your way into the
central area of the Blooming Grove. The term now

striking a bell as you look around and can see
these beautiful flowers as the sun rays hit and

pass. It’s like the color flares up once the light
hits it and then seems to gray as it passes on.

You now stand, temperature much warmer, and
there’s just that stone structure ahead.

LIAM: How far away is the structure?

MATT: From where you’re standing on the interior
of it, about 40 or so feet.

MARISHA: On the tombstones that are around, do I
recognize any of the language, or can I tell how

old some of these gravesites are?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

MARISHA: 21.

MATT: Looking through, there are a few languages
that come through, most of them are elven and they

are very old. Some of them appear to be 100, 200,
400-500 years old. Whatever individuals or

families or bloodlines have been interred in this
space have been placed here for a very long time,

until recently.

MARISHA: Until recently, okay.

MATT: You do see one that appears to be maybe
about ten years old. Very faint elements of wear

and tear.

MARISHA: What’s the name?

MATT: The name on that one would be Elvish and it
would be Tyriel Casala.

MARISHA: Tyriel Castala?

MATT: Casala.

MARISHA: Casala.

MATT: She knows Elvish, but she doesn’t really
speak it often, so the pronunciations get a little weird.

LIAM: Domo arigato.

ASHLY: So should I go knock on that door?

SAM: Is there a door?

MATT: There is a door, yes.

LIAM: Hold on.

SAM: How big a place is the door place?

MATT: The door itself is maybe four feet wide,
it’s a single door. It’s an old wood– the bottom

half of it is green with growing moss and other
bits of vegetation that are set in to the

relatively damp wood that it’s constructed from.
The top seems to be split and warped a little bit

over time due to the moisture in the air.

LIAM: Caleb tries to creep up to a gravestone and
hide behind it to get within 30 feet of the door.

MATT: Okay, make a stealth check.

SAM: On the roof or the top of the– sorry.

LIAM: Nine.

SAM: On the roof or top of the structure, are
there any holes or anything?

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: 13.

MATT: Best you can see, no. It’s pretty well made.
The walls and the roof all appear to be made from stone.

SAM: But no windows or anything?

MATT: There are windows. You can only really see
the front and right side of it, the southeast side

of it from your perspective– there is a single
window. It is an arched window that looks like it

may have been built at one point to hold glass or
stained glass, but it is no longer there. You can

see the soft, jungle-like flora at the base of it
has swooped up and grown over and into the

interior of the structure. Best you can tell from
this distance, there is no visible light

immediately inside, but there is a bit of natural
light that is coming in through the open space.

SAM: Can I go over to the window and take a peek
in, stealthily?

MATT: Sure, roll a stealth check.

SAM: 12. I’ll take a big swig of booze and then go
over and try.

MATT: Okay. You begin to dart across the open
space, dodging through gravestones and as you’re

passing one of them, there is a bit of a thorned
vine that catches the back of your cloak. It pulls

taut before you get yanked on your neck, slip
back, and Nott slams on the ground giving a little sound.

ASHLY: Keg holds up a ten.

SAM: Why do you have that with you?

ASHLY: I’m trying a bit. I’m trying a new thing.

MATT: There’s a brief pause, all of you hold in
silence hearing a distant bird that goes quiet,

the wind passing through the trees. You hear the
wooden door begins to slowly open as a shaded

figure steps beyond the frame. Taliesin, if you
want to step in.

(cheering)

MATT: Finally! (laughing)

TALIESIN: This is my stuff.

LIAM: You’re really just a random shopkeep in the
woods?

TALIESIN: It’s dangerous to go alone–

LIAM and TALIESIN: –take this!

TALIESIN: Just going to get my stuff.

MATT: Would you like to describe what they see
emerge from this small stone temple?

TALIESIN: From this small stone temple emerges a
tall, not necessarily healthily thin firbolg, who

is pale and a grayish color, and has a big shock
of weirdly pink mohawk hair–

LIAM: You don’t say.

SAM: No!

TALIESIN: I’m going way off the reservation here.
He’s a little gaunt. He’s got a little fuzz, he’s

wearing this bizarre– he’s wearing this very
gentle silk shirt that’s got one long, flowy

sleeve. He’s got a cup of tea. He’s just staring.
Huh. I think I’ve only got three more cups. Hold

on. I go back in.

SAM: (shouting) Do you know her? Do you know him?

SUMALEE: It’s a firbolg! He is a firbolg!

SAM: (shouting) Do you know him? What’s his name?

SUMALEE: I do not! But he’s a firbolg! He is one
of my people! (gasps) He is a firbolg. This will

be good. My smell bag was right again!

TALIESIN: I’m going to come out, I’m going to have
a little kettle set up on a little tripod. I’m

putting it down, I’m putting a big rod with a big
purple chunk of amethyst on it underneath the

kettle. Tapping it a couple times to get the
kettle to start heating up. I’m going to wander

into the graveyard and find some flowers for tea.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Can we tag along? Do you need any help?

LIAM: Does he seem like he’s going to kill us?

MATT: Make an insight check.

LIAM: Thank you. 19.

MATT: 19?

LIAM: Nein-teen.

MATT: There doesn’t seem to be any threat at the
moment.

TALIESIN: Mr. Clay, and nah, I’m fine. One
second.

SAM: He’s Mr. Clay.

TALIESIN: I come back with a pile of red-purple
flowers and I’m grinding up. This is from Casala.

Textile family generations ago, but they make very
good tea now. (sighs)

MARISHA: Wait, back up a second. Are you Mr.
Clay?

TALIESIN: Mm. Caduceus Clay. Sit.

MARISHA: Caduceus Clay.

TALIESIN: I’m going to put out the three cups and
wait for the pot to boil.

SAM: Hello.

MARISHA: Is that Caduceus with a K, or a C? Okay.

SAM: Hi. Oh, we have to wait?

TALIESIN: Pour out the three cups. You have to
share, I apologize.

ASHLY: I don’t drink tea. Booze is fine.

LIAM: I come over and sit and take one of the
teas.

MARISHA: Caleb and I will share one and I hand the
other to Nila.

SUMALEE: I would love to try your tea.

TALIESIN: Please, let me know what you think.

SUMALEE: It is delicious.

TALIESIN: Only grows here.

SUMALEE: I would like to hug you.

TALIESIN: Oh, please. Come.

SUMALEE: Nila gives him a big hug!

TALIESIN: I haven’t had one of these in a long
time. That’s nice.

SUMALEE: I am from the Guiatao Tribe. Do you know
us?

TALIESIN: No. I’m sure they’re wonderful, though.
That sounds just great. That sounds wonderful.

Friends! (sigh) You have come. (sigh) Please, let
me know what I can do for you. Usually when people

come here, it is because of some great tragedy.
How can I alleve your pain?

LIAM: Oh, well, Herr Clay, we come to you with a
great tragedy.

MARISHA: A few great tragedies.

LIAM: Do you want to, or should I?

MARISHA: Well, the first one is, I think, it’s
time for Caleb to have another bath. It’s been a

little bit.

LIAM: That’s the first one?

MARISHA: Being without a shower has been a bit of
a tragedy.

LIAM: (whispering) Do we really have time for a
comedy bit like this?

MARISHA: No.

SAM: We recently lost one of our friends.

TALIESIN: I would assume.

MARISHA: I didn’t want to open the gate like that.
That’s why we’re here.

TALIESIN: People who come here usually have.

SAM: We aren’t here to bury him. He’s already in
the ground. We’ve come to avenge him and we were

hoping to find some help in these parts.

TALIESIN: Avenge him? What happened?

ASHLY: Do you know the Iron Shepherds?

TALIESIN: Do I know the Iron Shepherds?

MATT: You actually have not. You would have no
idea.

TALIESIN: No, I’m sorry, I really don’t get to
leave very often, especially these days.

LIAM: How long have you been alone out here?

TALIESIN: (contemplative sigh) Been 20 seasons
now, 18 seasons? Try not to count, it just gets in

the way of more important things.

LIAM: How many seasons has it been since someone
has knocked on your door like we have?

TALIESIN: It’s been about two seasons, I suppose.
Little bit of business, but it’s been very slow.

MARISHA: Do you only gauge time in seasons?

TALIESIN: It’s the only time that seems to
matter.

MARISHA: That’s fair.

SUMALEE: I agree.

SAM: Do you work here? Is this your place? Do you
own this land?

TALIESIN: I’m so excited!

SAM: Are you the funeral director?

TALIESIN: Most people who come here know what this
place is, this is going to be delightful. I’ve

never had to explain it to someone before.

SAM: It’s a graveyard. It’s a boneyard.

TALIESIN: Well, boneyard is a bit crass, but yeah,
this is a place where we take the dearly departed

who have done well and the people who have lived
good lives and we put them into earth that has

been touched by the Wildmother. In turn, she
grants them with beauty and splendor and sometimes tea.

SAM: Like a boneyard sort of a place?

TALIESIN: More like a garden. We have been tending
this garden for generations.

MARISHA: We’re drinking dead people tea?

TALIESIN: Aren’t we all?

LIAM: That is a very fair point.

MARISHA: Very true. But you’re cultivating dead
people for good tea?

TALIESIN: Aren’t we all?

MARISHA: Yeah, okay. Yeah. That’s a good point.

LIAM: We are very random visitors from out of the
blue. We do come to you with tragedy. We do have a

friend in the ground. We do have friends who are
in dire need of assistance. You help people into

the ground, but offhand, do you help them out of
the ground?

TALIESIN: Well, I mean, sometimes we can help
people who are on the edge of death. We certainly

understand that most people would rather spend
their time alive than not, and that makes sense. I

certainly have no interest in shortening my life
any time soon.

SAM: But you can’t bring someone back who’s
already expired?

TALIESIN: I mean, that’s very tricky. Once you’re
dead, there’s a natural order to things. There’s a

movement that things have to go, but in certain
cases, I’m sure.

LIAM: We’ve all read stories of the extraordinary,
but you do not have this in your wheelhouse, you

are saying?

TALIESIN: Oh, I can sometimes help people. You
never know.

MARISHA: Okay, well, beyond helping our recently
passed friend, how do you feel about helping

people who are on the edge of life and death in
captivity?

LIAM: Three in the cage is worth one in the dirt.

SUMALEE: There are firbolgs in this group, too,
that need help.

SAM: They’ve been kidnapped, including a firbolg
child.

MARISHA: And they might not have long to live.

ASHLY: They’re being held by the Iron Shepherds.

SAM: Who are bad guys. We’re good guys. Well,
we’re sort of bad guys, too.

MARISHA: We’re working on it.

LIAM: We are not bad guys.

ASHLY: We’re doing all right.

SAM: Are you a bad guy?

TALIESIN: You know, honestly, I don’t think I’ve
had enough experience to have an opinion on that.

I’m a good gardener.

SAM: What do you grow, other than dead tea?

TALIESIN: I grow lilies, I grow bramble,
mushrooms, moss.

MARISHA: Dead bramble. Dead mushrooms. Dead moss.

LIAM: If you are saying that you are able to help
people back from the brink of extinction, on

occasion or under the right circumstances, I am
going to hazard a guess that you could heal a

wound in a snap, yeah?

TALIESIN: Not with an actual snap, but yeah, I can
do that. I don’t have to snap, though. I can be

really quiet when I do it– pretty quiet, I
actually have to say something, now that I think

about it.

ASHLY: I’m going to take a guess: you don’t
leave here very much, do you?

TALIESIN: I’ve left a few times, I suppose. It’s
been a while. I’ve been on my own for a while. It

makes you get a little rambly.

SAM: You’re stationed here? Are you allowed to
leave?

TALIESIN: That’s a bit of a story. My family have
run this temple for generations, and I’m sort of

the last one left holding the fort down.

SAM: No cousins or anything?

TALIESIN: No cousins. A couple sisters, a brother,
my parents, but everyone’s either wandered off to

help try and fix what’s been going wrong or has
been put into the earth.

SAM: What’s been going wrong? What’s that? What’s
going wrong?

TALIESIN: Well, as I’m sure you’ve possibly
noticed, and I apologize if I’m breaking some

terrible news to anyone who didn’t, the forest
beyond my little patch of earth is a little

unsavory. It’s dark. It can be a bit dangerous.
Don’t recommend going out alone. It has been

overtaking our temple for the last hundred years,
and recently has breached the walls again.

SAM: So your family is trying to fix that?

TALIESIN: The last one to leave was my sister. She
went east.

LIAM: Now it’s just you.

TALIESIN: Now it’s just me. It’s not much to hold
down at this point.

ASHLY: Why do you stay?

TALIESIN: Honestly, because it’s a little
dangerous for a lone person to leave. I figured

I’d sit here with a kettle and wait for someone to
come along, and maybe see if I can make my way out

of here and figure out what’s been happening in
this place.

LIAM: Well, you’re double lucky.

SAM: This is great. So you don’t have to check in
every night, and be here to punch in and punch

out? You could leave whenever you want?

TALIESIN: I could leave whenever I want, sure.

MARISHA: Is there a watering system, or can you
put it on a timer if you’re not going to be here?

SAM: A drip-line?

TALIESIN: That’s a really good idea. I don’t… I
mean, if you guys in a serious rush, if you could

help I’m sure we could figure out–

MARISHA: Maybe we’re in a rush; maybe after.

LIAM: Herr Clay, we are dealing with a
time-sensitive situation. You are looking for a

segue out of this predicament you’re in?

TALIESIN: Mmm.

ASHLY: I feel like it’s only fair to warn you: if
you were to come with us, we’d be asking you to go

into a situation that’s not very safe.

TALIESIN: Are you inviting me to come with you?

SUMALEE: Yes, very much.

ASHLY: Oh, yeah, sorry– did we not–

SAM: We came here seeking help in a mission that
we’re about to go on.

TALIESIN: That’s excellent. You’re lucky I came
along, then. This is going to work out really well.

MARISHA: Well, we came to you.

TALIESIN: Well, you’re lucky that I stayed right
here so that you intercepted me, because if I had

wandered off ten, 15 feet this may have never
happened.

LIAM: Herr Clay, we should be very honest with
you. We are intending to do good by people who

deserve it. A young one. Good people. But we are
going to do very difficult business tonight or tomorrow.

TALIESIN: Well, I don’t know if I think that
anyone deserves anything, but I don’t like cages,

and I’m really–

MARISHA: You don’t have a particular penchant or
sympathy towards people who eat babies, do you?

TALIESIN: That seems a little specific. I’m mostly
interested in trying to take care of the natural

order of the world and nature itself.

ASHLY: Does murder end up on that checklist?

TALIESIN: Have you ever been in nature? Yes.
Violence is extremely natural.

ASHLY: Tight.

SUMALEE: No, the people we are after have done
terrible things. They have upset the balance of

nature so much by what they have done. They do not
deserve to live. Please come with us. I have an

idea. If you can come with us, maybe some of the
firbolgs from my tribe can come help you here

afterwards– can help keep the temple afterwards.

TALIESIN: Well, I don’t know about deserve, but I
think there’s always somewhere there’s a plant

that needs some compost, and I’m happy to make
some more if it’ll make people happy.

MARISHA: Was that you saying you’re willing to
kill people and put them in the ground to make compost?!

SAM: I think so.

TALIESIN: You got a lot of aggression. You got a
lot of anger.

MARISHA: Oh man, you’re seeing me at a relatively
calm moment, actually.

LIAM: Welcome to The Mighty Nein.

TALIESIN: There’s only–

MARISHA: Don’t overthink it.

TALIESIN: Okay!

SAM: Do you know Pumat Sol, by any chance?

ASHLY: Nott!

SAM: What?

TALIESIN: Is that a time of plant?

SAM: All right, then no. No, I just had to ask.

TALIESIN: I’ve actually already packed; I’ll go
get my things.

SAM: What?! Wait, what would we owe you for this?

LIAM: Do you require anything?

TALIESIN: I do; I may ask for it later.

SAM: Money?

LIAM: You’ll have it.

SUMALEE: Firbolgs do not need money.

LIAM: You’ll have it.

SAM: Tea?

TALIESIN: I like this one. I’ll go get my green
beetle armor.

SAM: What?

SUMALEE: (excited gasp) I have not come across a
firbolg with green beetle armor!

TALIESIN: Thank you. My sister made it; I’m very
proud of her.

MATT: It’s a chitinous-looking metal breastplate
that has a somewhat pearlescent turquoise

green-blue tint to it that seems to shift in the
light.

TALIESIN: I get a big, knotted, wet-looking stick
that is covered in lichen. The armor is also

covered in lichen. It’s a big growing, living wet
thing. It has a big purple amethyst rock at the

top of the staff. I get a little shield also made
out of beetle.

LIAM: Motherfucking druid.

MARISHA: (whispering) Fungal armor!

TALIESIN: (sighs) Give me a minute. Just going to
walk around once, take it in.

SAM: If the thing he needs from us is our blood or
something, shouldn’t we know that in advance? We

should find out what he wants from us before we
just blindly agree to this. What if he wants Keg?

LIAM: (whispering) We’ll figure that out.

SAM: Some sort of, like, concubine thing? I don’t
know! What if he’s creepy or freaky like that!

ASHLY: I’m kind of into that.

SAM: Really?

ASHLY: I’m not picky.

SAM: Wow.

MARISHA: Your blood– you got some to spare. You
can get more of it. That’s how your body works.

SAM: What?!

SUMALEE: He does not seem freaky to me at all. He
seems very nice. Like a normal firbolg.

SAM: (warily) Okay.

TALIESIN: All right. I’m ready to leave. This is
going to be a little much, but I think I can do

it. I’m ready.

MARISHA: Hey Clay? Did you bury Tyriel Colsala
here?

TALIESIN: Casala?

MARISHA: Yeah, him. That’s what I said.

TALIESIN: What did you think you were drinking?

MARISHA: (accented) Casala?

TALIESIN: Yeah. That’s very close. It’s good. It’s
always worth trying.

MARISHA: Were you around when you buried him?

TALIESIN: Casala family, I think we have eight in
their generation; I was only here for the last two.

MARISHA: All right.

LIAM: So! Let me tell you about the murderers we
are dealing with.

SAM: While we walk.

MARISHA: Power walking?

ASHLY: Yep.

MATT: All right. Making your trek back to the
forest. Are you helming this as well?

LIAM: First, there was the dinosaurs.

(laughter)

SUMALEE: May I helm it with Clay?

TALIESIN: Caduceus. Caduceus Clay. You can call me
Clay.

SUMALEE: Caduceus.

LIAM, MARISHA, and SAM: Deuces!

SUMALEE: Deuces Clay.

SAM: It is decided.

TALIESIN: I have been trying not to show you this
art for two weeks now.

MATT: Caduceus, are you wanting to help? Or Nila,
I think, is asking for your help in fording this

forest, as you have a little more experience.

TALIESIN: Sure!

MATT: So make your survival check with advantage.

TALIESIN: Okay.

SAM: Where are we going? Back to town, or straight
to the–

ASHLY: Oh yeah. Do we want to go and try to get
some Taskers on our side? We have a healer now,

but we still don’t have–

SUMALEE: 21.

MATT: 14 and a 14.

SUMALEE: I got 14 and 14.

MATT: It’s up to you guys.

SUMALEE: I don’t think we need them.

ASHLY: You don’t think we need any more help?

MARISHA: We might be all right.

SAM: We don’t even know what he does!

ASHLY: I’m with Nott!

SAM: He’s a firbolg, yeah, but… Hey, Mr. Clay?
I’m going to shoot Beau with my crossbow.

TALIESIN: That doesn’t seem like a very good
idea.

SAM: Oh, I missed.

(laughter)

MATT: (arrow whizzing away)

SAM: 12.

MARISHA: Yeah, no.

SAM: Sorry, I was just going to test if he could
really heal you.

MARISHA: The fuck?!

SAM: I’ll shoot again with my bonus action! That’s
a natural 20.

(laughter)

MATT: Go ahead and roll damage.

TALIESIN: You make me figure out how to do this.

SUMALEE: Don’t worry, I can cure them, too.

SAM: Not a sneak attack, because she was looking.
Oh boy. That’s ten, but it’s a crit. Does that do anything?

MATT: Well, you double the dice that you rolled.

SAM: Okay, so that’s 12 plus four is 16.

MATT: You take 16 points of piercing damage,
Beau.

MARISHA: I’m going to try to catch it.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

MARISHA: Okay, I roll a d10.

MATT: Roll a d10.

MARISHA: A ten! Plus my monk level, right? Which
is five.

MATT: I think so. Is that what it says right
there?

LIAM: So only one hit point?

SAM: Just the tip.

MARISHA: 1d10 plus eight. Oh, it’s my monk level
plus my proficiency bonus, so no damage.

MATT: It goes for right underneath where the
clavicle and the neck meet and catches it right there.

SAM: Oh, but with this crossbow, when I roll a
natural 20, it shoots another one immediately.

MATT: That’s right!

SAM: Do I have to roll for that one?

MATT: You have to roll to attack.

SAM: That’s a 23 to hit.

MATT: Go ahead and roll damage on that one.

SAM: Eight.

MATT: What happens is you pull back to fire, and
as it gets ready to go ahead and extend it looks

like another bolt slips up into it accidentally
and it fires two in a row. Beau catches one and is

like “Ugh, ow!” and there’s a second one that’s
jammed right into the space between two ribs.

ASHLY: What the hell, Nott!

SAM: First of all, that was cool. And this was
cool!

MARISHA: And third of all, that was a killing
blow!

SAM: Now, do your thing!

MARISHA: You could fucking kill me!

TALIESIN: Is she always like this? This seems kind
of extreme.

SUMALEE: This is the most extreme I’ve ever seen
her.

SAM: Do your thing!

MARISHA: I’m keeping this bolt, this is mine now.

SAM: Okay.

MARISHA: I rip the other one out. Yeah! I put
that, and I’m keeping this one, too!

ASHLY: Keg is aroused.

TALIESIN: Come here. All right, and I get in there
and I’m going to do Cure Wounds and there’s going

to be a little bit of lichen that grows on the
wound really quickly.

MARISHA: Don’t infect me!

TALIESIN: It’s fine. Do I roll for that?

MATT: Yeah, it’s a d8 plus your wisdom modifier.
The wound seems to close as you watch this–

TALIESIN: Six points of damage– six points of
healing.

MATT: You go up by six. You watch as this bright
red-pink colored lichen, mossy material, seems to

come out of the wound and close it and then turn
gray, break away, and crumble off. Where it is,

the wound seems to have closed and healed over,
like weeks of healing have gone by.

MARISHA: Okay, this shit’s dope.

SAM: You’re welcome.

ASHLY: Probably a different way we could have
demonstrated that, Nott.

TALIESIN: It felt very–

MARISHA: That wasn’t for you. Never mind.

SUMALEE: They can be strange, but they are good.

TALIESIN: Honestly, it’s been so long since I’ve
been around anybody, I genuinely wouldn’t have

been able to tell.

MATT: In making your journey back toward
Shadycreek Run, the sun does set part way through

your journey. The forest goes dark, nearly pitch
black. Now, I believe all of you but Caleb have

some sort of darkvision. At this point, the
crickets start coming out very loudly, the distant

sound of skittering and animal movements through
brush and dry leaves catch the outside of your

peripheral. You manage to stop every now and then,
as Nila puts her hand up, listening and smelling

for anything nearby. Are you guys continuing at a
fast pace, or are you attempting to be stealthy?

ASHLY: Well, did we decide what we’re doing?

MARISHA: I think we were going to go straight
there.

ASHLY: We’re going straight to the Shepherds?

MARISHA: It’s on the way.

LIAM: We didn’t really discuss; we got
distracted.

MATT: That’s true. Are you guys heading back to
Shadycreek, or are you heading straight to the

Sour Nest?

SAM: Is it on the way?

MARISHA: It’s on the way. I say we at least stop
by and scout it.

SAM: If it’s more or less on the way then yeah, we
can at least swing by.

MATT: It’ll add an hour or so to go into
Shadycreek. Essentially this is Shadycreek Run at

the bottom of the forest and you’ve traveled, from
your perspective, far northwest to get to the area

where you met Caduceus. You’re now heading back
down and the Sour Nest is on the northeastern side

of the city, just outside of it, so you have to
scoot and ricochet off.

SAM: So we’d have to go through the town just to
get there?

MATT: No, you could go straight to it through the
forest, but it depends on what you want to do. If

you’re going straight there or if you’re wanting
to skim through Shadycreek, it’s your choice.

MARISHA: How long after dusk has it been?

MATT: The sun set. With that roll you made, you’ll
be arriving at Shadycreek Run at about 10:00pm.

LIAM: We are going to find somebody, spur of the
moment, tell them to come with us out to the

woods? To do a bit of dark business?

MARISHA: Are you being facetious? I can’t tell.

LIAM: No, I don’t know if that’s a good idea, I
don’t like our options at the moment, any of them

really. I feel like we don’t have– we are one
more person than when we got our asses handed to

us on the road, and we thought we had the upper
hand then. Now we have one more, that is better,

but if we go to the town and we find a couple of
ne'er-do-wells who’ll work for coin, we are

convincing them to come with us right away, into
the woods. Into the woods.

SAM: Into the woods and out of the woods?

TALIESIN: That would be the hope, I imagine, you’d
leave the woods once you went into the woods. I

mean, you don’t just want to sit there. I mean,
that’s what I do, but I’m not sure that was really

a great decision, so, yeah, huh.

SAM: Are you talking to us?

TALIESIN: I’m just thinking out loud. I’ve had a
few years to just think out loud.

SAM: How old are you?

MARISHA: How many seasons old are you?

TALIESIN: Been about 100, give or take.

SAM: But there’s four seasons? Or is it three
seasons up here? I don’t know.

MARISHA: 25.

SAM: He’s between 25 and 100.

TALIESIN: That’ll do.

LIAM: What do you think?

MARISHA: I’m still afraid if we roll into
Shadycreek– once again, just pointing out what we

are: two firbolgs, a goblin, and then some kind of
acceptable-looking people and someone with a

reputation. Well, by society’s standards.

ASHLY: A lot of shade just got thrown.

MARISHA: Look, come on!

LIAM: If we do that, the three of us would do the
talking, naturally.

MARISHA: I’m just saying, we will draw attention
to ourselves, and then we might go around asking

people to kill the Iron Shepherds, and that might
draw more attention to ourselves in a town that it

feels the Iron Shepherds kind of run. Or at least
have a better foothold in it than we do.

ASHLY: How would this be different? That’s my
question. One more person, sure. A healer? Sure. But–

LIAM: Well, we could take them at night, which we
did not do before. Some of them would be awake,

probably not all of them. We had the element of
surprise before, we hopefully have it now.

ASHLY: They’re on home turf.

LIAM: Home turf is big.

SAM: Can I just say, again, I don’t give a shit
about Ophelia’s request or The Gentleman’s offer.

I just want to get all of our friends and get out.
If we can kill them, great, but if our aim is not

to kill them it makes this a much easier mission.

MARISHA: Do you know Ophelia, Clay?

TALIESIN: No.

MARISHA: Sorry, you just had a face like you
recognized.

TALIESIN: I had to think a little bit about it,
but no.

LIAM: You know, Nott, I agree with you. The most
important thing is getting the people who are in

that basement. The most important thing. You’ve
always got to improvise.

SAM: Yes.

ASHLY: So you’re saying go in with the plan of
killing them and then switch it up if need be?

LIAM: The only thing that I believe is known is
taking care of the people on that wall, anyone

outside. I will send Frumpkin around to see if
there are more than just these two, then we will

have decisions to make. We will need to send in
Frumpkin again or our new friend here. One of us,

one of them and make a plan from there. That is
all we know now. We need to do something and I

feel a little on edge with our numbers, but I am
maybe more on edge by the ticking clock.

MARISHA: Okay.

SAM: Let’s swing by the baddies’ house and just
see what’s going on?

MARISHA: Anyone in particular feel super strongly
about going and getting more help? Should we put

it to a vote?

SUMALEE: Do you carry a smell bag?

TALIESIN: A what?

ASHLY: So much disappointment.

SAM: She sniffs a purse every time she wants to
make a decision.

ASHLY: It’s worked out so far.

SUMALEE: It’s filled with things from nature that
I find significant.

TALIESIN: That seems like a really good idea
actually. I should start doing that.

SUMALEE: It helps me so much.

TALIESIN: What a good way to make a decision.

MARISHA: What does your smell bag say? Do we go
and we get more people or do we go to the house?

SUMALEE: I do not need to check it. No smell check
necessary.

MARISHA: Make a smell check.

SUMALEE: I just want to go. It will be okay. We
have two firbolgs.

MARISHA: I mean, she’s so convincing.

ASHLY: Nila, I love your enthusiasm, but again,
they’re on home turf, they have more people than I

thought, more abilities than I thought. I mean, we
hire a couple of Taskers. I know it’s not ideal, but if–

MARISHA: All right, new plan. We split the party!

SAM: No! Terrible idea.

MARISHA: Half go to the house, the other half go
look for more help and then we meet you.

SAM: How’s the half at the house going to do?

MARISHA: Watch.

SAM: No.

MARISHA: All right.

SAM: Let’s swing by the house and check it out. If
there’s a raging party, we’ll just continue on to

town. If it seems dead, maybe we’ll do a little
recon. If the recon goes well, maybe we’ll do a

little insertion.

ASHLY: Are you describing a date right now?

SAM: The insertion goes well, maybe we go steady.

TALIESIN: I don’t know what any of that means.

SUMALEE: You will get used to it. I just laugh
along now.

TALIESIN: All right.

ASHLY: Look, they’re your people, so I’ll leave it
to you guys, but I don’t love the odds.

SUMALEE: I know because of your abilities, if we
can draw more of them outside, we will stand a

better chance. We will have more power than you
had last time.

MARISHA: Let’s go to the house.

SAM: We’re just going to watch.

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: We’re going to see what it’s like at night so
if we have to come back tomorrow night, we’ll know

what to expect. Are there more guards at night? We
don’t know, they could have six more dudes who

come up there at night.

MARISHA: Let’s go. We’re wasting time just
talking.

SAM: We’ll just look.

MARISHA: We’ll go look.

MATT: Okay, so you head straight to The Sour Nest?
All right. Over the next couple of hours, you make

your way, scooting as opposed to the more southern
direction you were traveling, heading eastward.

Carefully making your way on the outskirts of the
northern side of North Clover of Shadycreek Run, I

need you all to make stealth checks.

MARISHA: Shit.

MATT: Disadvantage for you, Keg, unfortunately.

ASHLY: Fuck.

TALIESIN: Tonight, can I just politely ask the
forest to just give us a round this time, just in

case? I want to talk to a couple of trees, see if
they’d be all right just giving us a little passage.

MATT: Okay. Roll a wisdom check.

TALIESIN: All right. Wisdom save or wisdom check?

MATT: Wisdom check.

TALIESIN: All right. 21.

MATT: You bend in quietly, placing your hand
against one of the nearby trees, the bark being

cold and somewhat soft from the moisture of the
snow that had melted from the day before. You feel

the oppressive sense of the central nature that
encompasses the Savalierwood give way ever so faintly.

ASHLY: Wait. Maybe a stupid idea. You guys can
talk to plants. Plants are neutral. What if we

lead them into the woods?

SAM: What?

SUMALEE: Now you’re thinking like I was. I didn’t
have that specific idea–

ASHLY: The Iron Shepherds. We could lure them into
the woods.

SAM: And then what?

ASHLY: We fight them in there.

SUMALEE: We can have the plants entangle them.

ASHLY: I don’t know, it could be a backup if this
plan goes south, if they wake up or something. But

if they can talk to the plants– the woods are
anyone’s game. They’d be fighting other creatures,

not just us.

LIAM: But what is it that lures the Shepherds out
of their hole?

SAM: They won’t leave.

MARISHA: I’ve got fireworks.

SUMALEE: I can put a stink bomb inside. Really
stinky, not like what you call my stink pouch.

LIAM: That will put them in the courtyard, it will
not probably put them in the woods.

SAM: We’d need to take one of theirs, take Lorenzo
or something. They’d have to come after us. There

would be no reason for them to leave.

ASHLY: Do I know if Lorenzo is a loyal person,
like would he give or would he just let someone

die if they got taken?

MATT: Best that you can tell, he’s not a “leave no
man behind” type individual.

ASHLY: Okay.

MARISHA: He isn’t?

MATT: He is not.

ASHLY: But he is a vengeful type of individual?

MATT: He’s definitely a fan of an eye for an eye.

ASHLY: If it goes south, and we manage to kill one
of them, he might chase us.

LIAM: True.

SAM: Or maybe not.

ASHLY: Or maybe not. It could be a backup.

SAM: No, it’s good.

LIAM and MARISHA: Let’s go.

ASHLY: Oh, stealth checks, right.

MATT: Stealth checks.

TALIESIN: First stealth check. Where’s my stealth?
Seven.

SAM: 26.

ASHLY: Seven.

LIAM: Ten.

MARISHA: 12.

SUMALEE: 20.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLY: These are such bad stealth checks.

MATT: Thanks to you speaking with nature, I am
ignoring one of the lowest stealth rolls.

ASHLY: Only one?

MATT: Even still, you approach the outskirts of
The Sour Nest. The clouds of the night are broken

here and there, the very darkened night
occasionally broken by the errant moonbeam that

manages to sweep through the open grove where this
fortress was built. The canopy itself cleared out,

leaving it open for the occasional peek of white
through the clouds. The same perimeter wall you

see being slowly trained across by two guards
dressed in the same hooded attire as those that

you previously saw. As you saw as well bringing
the three carts northward from the Glory Run Road.

As you begin to approach, Keg, unfortunately,
manages to step on a hornet’s nest. It crunches

under your foot, and, for a brief second, you
inhale very sharply knowing this familiar sound–

This is not the first hornet’s nest you’ve stepped
into. Thankfully, a moment passes, no hornets. It

was abandoned and had fallen from a tree. However,
you do hear a voice on the wall say, “Hello?”

ASHLY: Shit.

SAM: How far?

MATT: About 70 feet from you.

LIAM: I think we might be doing this now, so be
prepared for it.

ASHLY: I don’t want to put Frumpkin in danger, but
could we pretend it was Frumpkin, if he shoots out

or something?

LIAM: Frumpkin shoots up into the air and bounces
off a tree.

MATT: (hoots) “Oh, there you are again, you
sucker.” He’s going to raise a crossbow again.

ASHLY: Oh no! Oh my god, if I kill someone again!

(laughter)

MATT: That is a 13 to hit. What is Frumpkin’s
armor class as an owl?

LIAM: I have an owl here, it is– That hits.

ASHLY: Oh!

SAM: Burch-icide!

ASHLY: Shit!

MATT: That is four points of piercing damage to
Frumpkin.

LIAM: Frumpkin is alive!

SAM: What?!

MATT: How many hit points does the owl have?

LIAM: Well, it’s 1d4 plus one, and I rolled it
last time, and I rolled a four, so it’s 1d4 plus one.

MATT: So it’s five? This owl takes a crossbow bolt
to the chest, and is like (flapping). You hear the

same voice go, “Fucking hell! What– Phil! I
fucking shot an owl, it’s still flying! I hate

“this forest! It’s bullshit!” You hear this voice a
little further away go, “(laughing) You suck!”

He’s like, “Shut up!” Loads another bolt into it
and starts– You see now is actively looking for

the owl to finish it off and regain his pride.

LIAM: I told him to go down low to the ground.
Yeah.

MARISHA: Can you bring him back? I kind of want
that arrow.

LIAM: Ja, I can, but I poof into Frumpkin’s
senses. Do I hear anything besides Phil and

Mystery Man?

MATT: Make a perception check with advantage.

LIAM: Ja, because of the hearing.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Oh, that’s good on the first roll. The first
roll is good, so it is 18.

MATT: 18? Okay. Hearing the two men banter back
and forth a little bit, the errant prodding that

Phil seems to be giving to this individual. Beyond
that, there’s the crickets in the air, there’s

other nocturnal birds that are starting to rouse
from their slumber to go hunting for the night.

From the direction of The Sour Nest, Frumpkin
glances up and can see, on the second floor, there

are two openings you had seen previously on the
second floor of this fortress, on each side, and

there appears to be a very faint bit of firelight,
and a shadow that passes by one, the other, so

there is somebody moving on the second floor of
this–

LIAM: Who’s in the building?

MATT: Of the inside of it, yes.

LIAM: Okay. I snap my fingers, and Frumpkin
vanishes, leaving the bolt where he was, and then

I do it again. He’s here.

MATT: All right. Very wounded, but alive.

LIAM: May I borrow one of your goodberries?

SUMALEE: Absolutely.

LIAM: Is this one? Okay.

SUMALEE: You may take– I believe there are four
or five left.

LIAM: I will take four.

SUMALEE: Please.

LIAM: One, two, three, four. You may keep that
one. Thank you.

MATT: Frumpkin happily eats from the goodberries.

ASHLY: And he’s better?

MATT: Yeah, the wounds close slowly, the magic of
the goodberries healing the crossbow bolt over eventually.

ASHLY: Oh, god. Sorry, guys.

SAM: We can maybe use this. We could make a
distraction owl that he will focus on, and we

could take him out from afar.

MARISHA: Do you have an illusion that you can do
that? It’s a good idea. Maybe we should’ve done

that to begin with.

LIAM: We could potentially keep moving now, if we
want to, because–

ASHLY: We got the lay of the land?

LIAM: Yeah, we know there’s two on the wall, maybe
that’s their M.O., every night there’s two on the

walls. People are awake inside. What is the hour
right now?

MATT: I’d say at this point it’s close to 10:30.

LIAM: 10:33, yeah.

TALIESIN: That’s very specific.

LIAM: Yeah, it is.

TALIESIN: Are you just going for that, or is that
going to mean something?

LIAM: Oh, I’m sorry, 10:34 now.

TALIESIN: In a minute, it’s going to be 10:35.

LIAM: Yeah, approximately.

TALIESIN: How about now?

LIAM: It’s still 10:34.

TALIESIN: But it’s closer to 10:35?

LIAM: I’m not going to do this right now. We have
a decision to make. Doesn’t seem any better or

worse from the outside, but we are outside the
onion. Are we going back to town to get a little

more muscle, or are we making a go of it here?

MARISHA: All right. Who votes for more muscle?
Let’s put it to a vote.

LIAM: Well, how successfully could we silently
kill these two on the wall? You would be good at one.

SAM: Silently, we can kill these two, I think,
very easily. As long as you don’t move.

ASHLY: I won’t. I’m staying right here.

LIAM: But pitch it to me. How? You, I know–

SAM: Can take this guy easily, if– Do you fight
people from afar?

TALIESIN: Not quietly.

SAM: How about you, Nila? Do you have anything
that can shoot from afar?

SUMALEE: Lightning, I told you.

SAM: Well, something that’s not like, “Hey, look,
we’re here, we’ve got lightning!” Something–

SUMALEE: Poison Spray.

SAM: Okay. I mean, that’s–

SUMALEE: Ten feet. No, that’s not from very far.

SAM: We have Beau. She’s quiet. I could distract
one while you go up and just (crack).

MARISHA: How tall is the wall? How would I be able
to get on the wall?

MATT: The wall is about 12 to 15 feet. It’s not
terribly tall. It’s about five feet wide.

MARISHA: Are we walking the perimeter? If we’re
doing a perimeter walk, I want to look and see if

there are any branches and trees that might be
growing close to the wall, that I could–

MATT: You do know, from previously looking over
it, that they’ve cleared out the forest about ten

feet from the outer wall specifically to prevent
anyone from climbing over into the space.

SAM: I can shoot one with a crossbow.

SUMALEE: I have a sling, too.

SAM: Okay.

LIAM: Yeah, but we have to finish the job
instantly.

MARISHA: Yeah, we’ve got to do both at the same
time, ideally. There’s got to be a team one and a

team two on the guy. I’ve got my throwing darts,
but they’re not super great.

ASHLY: Your lightning, it doesn’t make a storm
around it, right? It’s just a lightning bolt. We couldn’t–

SAM: Controlled lightning?

ASHLY: Make it seem like it’s a storm, rather than
an attack.

SAM: Well, listen, you can distract him with the
actual Frumpkin while I shoot. It doesn’t have to

be an illusory Frumpkin. I can still shoot.

LIAM: Could also shoot him from the dark when he’s
not expecting it to happen.

SAM: That’s true.

MARISHA: Also, sometimes maybe it’s just a stormy
night here in the forest.

TALIESIN: This Phil must be a really bad person if
you’re–

ASHLY: Yeah, he’s a real dick.

SAM: Phil’s the worst.

ASHLY: Are they within eyesight of each other? I’m
assuming so.

MATT: They are, yes.

SAM: I can, if you guys– I can shoot. I got a
shoot-y thing. I can shoot them.

MARISHA: Okay, here’s what I’m going to propose.
We split up: three on one guy, three on the other.

We’ll do the plan that worked when we were doing
it on kids, and we didn’t know we were doing it on

kids. Me and you can throw up a bottle rocket.
That will be the signal. We attack both of the

guys at the same time, two different sides.

SAM: That’s loud. We could just do Message. We can
send each other a message that’s silent.

MARISHA: But if it’s loud, and they’re both dead
afterwards.

LIAM: No, the people inside will hear it. No, we
need silence.

SUMALEE: I could create– Oh, were you going to
say something?

TALIESIN: I know I’m new here, and you’ve
obviously all got some kind of hierarchy going

here of how you work this out.

SAM: Caleb’s in charge.

TALIESIN: That makes sense. I suppose my question
would be: what are you really here for? Because

normally, if I’m looking at a complicated problem,
I just think about what it is that I really want,

and then I go and I do that.

MARISHA: We want to murder everyone inside and
rescue the people who are trapped.

SAM: We want to rescue the people who are
trapped.

TALIESIN: Well, I was going to say that if you had
to put one above the other. If you get one thing,

you get to do it.

SAM: Rescue the people in the basement.

TALIESIN: So you’ve got to get in and out of the
basement. That seems to be the conversation then,

is getting in and out of the basement. I’m sure,
inevitably, you’re going to kill a whole bunch of

people in the process of that, but as long as
you’re focused on where you’re going and what

you’re doing, that may help with this wanton
violence against Phil, who I’m sure is a terrible

person. He shot an owl.

SAM: Phil’s friend did.

ASHLY: He thought it was funny, though, so he’s
still a dick.

TALIESIN: No, that ain’t funny.

MARISHA: All right, let’s split up, take these
guys out.

LIAM: No, it’s too early. We need to wait.

MARISHA: Jesus!

LIAM: It’s 10:35 at night. We need to wait until
they’re asleep.

ASHLY: Call it 10:37 at this point.

LIAM: No.

MARISHA: We wait an hour and get into position.

MATT: Okay. You guys wait an hour to get into
position.

MARISHA: We watch the passing shadows in front of
the windows.

MATT: Okay, you keep an out, and you do watch as
the two of them– They’re not perfectly in line

with each other, and the second floor of the
complex does block their vision of each other when

they are on complete opposite sides of the wall.
But sometimes one of them will be faster than the

other, and they’ll yell to the other, and they’ll
go see each other from the opposite sides.

LIAM: How far is Beauregard from me right now?

MATT: How far is Beauregard from you right now?

LIAM: Did you wander away from me?

MARISHA: No, I’m right next to you.

LIAM: (whispers) Would you rather wait until they
are sleeping in their beds before we did this?

MARISHA: Yeah. I was just trying to move things
along.

LIAM: I don’t want this one moving along right
now. She makes a lot of noise.

ASHLY: Sorry.

MARISHA: Yeah, we’ll wait. We’ll just wait an
hour.

ASHLY: That’s a good question. I’m probably going
to ruin any stealthiness.

MATT: You do know, from the time that you’ve spent
here, that there is no point in which the place is

unguarded from the wall.

ASHLY: There’s no point at which there is–

MATT: Meaning there are shifts. The perimeter
sentinels that you see currently, there are

usually two sets that switch off.

ASHLY: Is there a time when they change?

MATT: There is, but you’re not entirely certain
when it was. You weren’t really paying attention.

SAM: You could take off your armor.

MARISHA: That’s what I was thinking, at least to
get into place, and then put it back on.

MATT: It’s a lot of armor.

LIAM: If we are doing this, I feel we should wait
until it is late at night, and wait until we see

those guards changed, and then wait a little bit
further for the old guards to go to sleep. Yeah?

So there’s a lot of sitting here and not moving. I
know we are all very anxious, but we wait, someone

comes out, relieves these two, they go to bed, and
then we strike all at once. Then we do your plan;

it’s just delayed, that’s all.

MARISHA: Okay. Until the next shift change. I
could use a short rest anyway.

SAM: Get on different sides of the facility?

MARISHA: I think so.

LIAM: Yeah, but Keg, you stay here.

ASHLY: And do what?

LIAM: Wait.

SAM: With two other people. We’re splitting up so
we can take them both out at the same time.

LIAM: Yeah, you are just waiting until some of us
are able to silently take out these people on the

wall. Then we buy ourselves a little time while
you can clink and clunk as we get closer.

ASHLY: (laughs)

LIAM: It’s good that you find levity in the
situation. Then we go into the inside of this wall

and take the next step.

ASHLY: So it’s not three and three, it’s three and
two.

LIAM: Well, it’s two groups, and you move less
right now.

ASHLY: Okay. Fair.

MARISHA: Can I take a short rest?

MATT: You guys can take a short rest.

MARISHA: And we watch.

MATT: And you watch.

MARISHA: And we solidify our plan?

MATT: Mercifully, depending on your intent, the
clouds break for a while and you have a clear,

starry, moonlit sky overhead that manages to
create a rim-light on both the wall, the

structure, and the two guards. And you wait. And
you wait. And we’re going to take a break.

LIAM: Thank goodness. I have to pee so bad.

MATT: We’ll come back here in a second. At this
point, might as well put the fortress out there,

so that’ll be waiting for you when you come back.

LIAM: Let’s go back to town.

SUMALEE: You’re a firbolg!

MATT: You finally found him! We’re going to go to
break here for a bit, but we have our giveaway at

the break! For our fantastic giveaway tonight, we
have the purpleheart hero vault with the Celtic

knot design on it, which is really pretty. It’s
magnetized; open it up and you can put your dice;

you can put your miniature in there. I’ll be
giving this away at the end of the break, so hop

on over to the Critical Role chat on Twitch.
That’s twitch.tv/criticalrole and enter the key

word once. More than once and you’ll be
disqualified. The keyword tonight is “stronghold.”

One word: stronghold. All you people in the U.S.
and Canada, excluding Quebec, throw that into the

chat and we’ll come back with a winner as soon as
we return. See you in a few minutes!

[break]

ASHLY: Banana hammock

MATT: A little late on the draw there, but that
worked out. That was awesome. Welcome back,

everybody! Before we jump into this, we have our
winner of the fantastic purpleheart hero

vault. That’s going to be Elmosdaddy.
Congratulations, Elmosdaddy! We’ll get your

information and get that out to you ASAP.

LIAM: (Elmo voice) Elmosdaddy!

ASHLY: Sounds just the same. Is it the same
voice?

LIAM: (Elmo voice) (giggling)

MATT: To give you a little bit of a visual
representation of the size of the base of the fortress.

LIAM: (Elmo voice) Everybody’s going to die!

MATT: That’s what you see within the interior of
the courtyard. The wall itself resides probably

about out here.

SAM: This is inside the wall?

MATT: This is inside the wall.

SAM: Oh jeez.

MATT: Above that, still–

SAM: There’s a second floor?

MATT: There’s a second floor.

SAM: But it would be ridiculous to have built that
also.

MARISHA: How are you lifting that?

LIAM: He’s got a little board under there.

MATT: The second floor sits right about there. To
give a little bit of perspective on that. The

black dots on the outside, by the way, are where
the windows are visible on the stone. You guys are

currently divided on opposite ends of the outer
wall watching the two guards slowly move their way

around the perimeter.

MARISHA: Have they done a guard shift yet?

MATT: Not yet.

LIAM: In the interim while we’re waiting for that
to happen, I’m going to do two things. One, I’m

going to cast Mage Armor on myself, and I’m also
going to pull a book out of one of the holsters

and spend ten minutes changing Frumpkin into a
spider!

MATT: All righty.

ASHLY: There aren’t any windows on the bottom
floor at all?

MATT: No. No windows in the bottom floor. There is
a front double door, and there is a single door in

the back that you know leads into a kitchen.

MARISHA: Go Charlotte, go! You’re radiant!

LIAM: He has three hit points, so I think he’s
actually a bigger spider than the one you’re

imagining. See, he’s right there. He’s very big.

MARISHA: How big is that spider?

MATT: It’s a pretty big spider.

LIAM: It’s three hit points worth of spider.

MARISHA: That looks like a three hit point
spider.

LIAM: Somebody could step on it and he could still
go.

MATT: That’s a four or five hitter.

LIAM: Get Brian Foster in here with his ping pong
racket.

MARISHA: That’s arguably terrifying, I’ll give it
to you. I was a little wrong, just a little.

LIAM: I put it on Beau’s shoulder.

MARISHA: I’m not terrified of it, I’m just saying
it could be terrifying. Hi, Frumpkin.

MATT: Shortly after midnight, you watch as two
figures ascend from the inside of the wall

climbing up different ladders that mark the
entrance and exit. They both interface in a brief

conversation, hushed voices, and then relieve the
two previous guards, who then descend down on the

inside of the courtyard via those same ladders and
disappear into The Sour Nest fortress. So there

has been a guard changeover now. It’s past
midnight, pushing one in the morning. What would

you like to do?

SAM: How are we split up, group-wise? Probably me
and Caleb split. And then–

MARISHA: One firbolg each.

SAM: I’ll take the new one.

MARISHA: We’ll take the old one.

SAM: Oh hey, look!

MARISHA: Table and Table.

SAM: While we’re waiting I’ve asked the Deuce–

TALIESIN: I’m already regretting the name.

SAM: Are you married?

TALIESIN: No.

SAM: Did you go to college?

TALIESIN: What?

SAM: How old are you really?

TALIESIN: I don’t really know how to answer that
question.

SAM: Do you have kids?

TALIESIN: No.

ASHLY: Why are you badgering him with questions?

SAM: Well, he’s a new friend and I talk when I’m
nervous.

ASHLY: Why don’t you let him think and answer
questions one at a time?

SAM: You’re right.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

ASHLY: Sure, well, I’m learning from– I don’t
know who, actually. None of us are good at this.

Nila, I guess.

SAM: Nila is really good at this; she’s great.

SUMALEE: What am I good at?

MARISHA: I don’t know I can only hear muffles.
Choice words. I think they’re talking about you, though.

SUMALEE: It’s okay.

LIAM: I pull the haversack off and say: I have a
decent idea, anyway. I think that you should use this.

MARISHA: Oh yeah.

MATT: Much like how you spend a moment with your smell
bag, you watch as Beauregard seems to focus into

this strange, vibrant pink satchel or shoulder bag
that Caleb has been carrying.

SUMALEE: What is inside?

MATT: About a minute passes before Beauregard
pulls back away, this strange trance passing over her.

MARISHA: Death is weird, am I right?

SUMALEE: What did you do to her?

LIAM: Back to my idea, okay. Nott on the other
side can probably put a bolt in that guy’s throat

over there. You can probably vault up the side of
that wall, if I’m not mistaken, don’t you think?

MARISHA: How tall are you?

SUMALEE: 7'2”, maybe 7'6".

MARISHA: Would you be willing to give me a boost
up that wall?

SUMALEE: Absolutely.

LIAM: Oh, you told me about your ability to make
things quiet around you.

ASHLY: Damn, should’ve gone with Nila.

SAM: You married? What kids do you have?

ASHLY: I was married once. It lasted, like, an
hour.

TALIESIN: I bet it was a really good hour.

ASHLY: Yeah, she sobered up and she said that she
made a mistake.

LIAM: When I hold him, you yank him off of the
wall, and then Humpty Dumpty, you know, they can’t

put him back– You know how it goes.

MARISHA: Copy.

SUMALEE: Wait, I’m sorry, I need that one more
time, but I’ll get it.

LIAM: You are going to help Beauregard here up
onto the wall, quietly, after you use your–

SUMALEE: Pass Without a Trace.

LIAM: Whatever you call it. Then she gets up there
and I am going to use my tricks to hold him and

let her rip him off the wall and split his skull
upon the stones beneath.

SUMALEE: Excellent.

MARISHA: Also, the thing I was looking at, our
version of the smell bag. It’s like this artifact

that we got from an assassin that lets you look
into the creation of space and time and the universe.

LIAM: Pretty complicated.

MARISHA: Yeah

SUMALEE: Wow.

MARISHA: Anyway.

LIAM: I pull out a little wire and whisper into it
to Nott and say: I think we have an idea over

here, so we should probably get set.

ASHLY: We haven’t come up with a plan yet.

SAM: We’ll get ready over here, give us one
second.

ASHLY and SAM: How tall is our firbolg?

TALIESIN: (singing) How tall is my firbolg? Seven
feet?

MATT: Seven to seven and a half feet.

ASHLY: We could just copy their plan.

SAM: I mean, I can just shoot.

ASHLY: Oh, you can just shoot, never mind.

SAM: If I miss, then backup plan is boost-y to
you?

ASHLY: Can you? I’m like 200 plus.

TALIESIN: I’m not that strong.

LIAM: Well, she’s a party maker, noise, you know.
(clanking)

SAM: You can’t shoot anything?

TALIESIN: I can do some magic.

ASHLY: I have javelins.

SAM: Oh! You have a javelin.

ASHLY: I forgot I had javelins. Yes, I have
javelins.

SAM: I guess that’s our Plan B, then.

ASHLY: Didn’t do too hot in the last one.

SAM: Is there anything that either of you can do
to hold, silence, or assist me as I shoot this fellow?

ASHLY: I could give you thumbs up as you’re doing
it.

SUMALEE: If I cast Pass Without a Trace, can it
help them, too?

MATT: Unfortunately, you guys are on the opposite
sides of this.

TALIESIN: I’ve got a Guiding Bolt, but it’s very
bright and it’s made of light.

SAM: Let’s not do that.

TALIESIN: I have some insects, but they make a lot
of noise.

SAM: Okay. It’s fine. It’s on me. It’s okay. I’ll
just get super drunk.

TALIESIN: Actually, I have something I can do
while that’s happening.

LIAM: Matthew?

MATT: Yes?

LIAM: DM. where would you say, in relation to this
map, the two groups are?

MATT: The two groups would be probably on the
outskirts of the wall here and here.

LIAM: So 150 feet apart, probably.

MATT: Quite a distance.

MARISHA: How far does your Message work?

LIAM: Like, about that far.

MARISHA: So we wouldn’t be out a Message range of
each other.

SAM: Message is 120 feet.

MATT: About 120 feet.

LIAM: Ayy!

MARISHA: When I get up there and grab him, I’m
going to bash his head in and I’m going to throw

him down, and if he’s still alive, you get him.

SUMALEE: With my shillelagh!

MARISHA and SUMALEE: (grunting)

MATT: We’ll say you can manage to adjust
yourselves to get within range.

LIAM: When you get on the wall off of Nila’s
shoulders and you do the handhold thing? You know

what I’m talking about?

MARISHA: I was figuring I would be on her
shoulders and we would suck up against the wall.

SAM: I take out a piece of wire and send a little
Message.

LIAM: Right underneath him?

MARISHA: We’ll see, yeah. Right underneath him.

SAM: Caleb! Provided this plan works, after we
knock down the folks, someone on each party should

put on their cloak and resume their guard pattern
and keep walking around the wall.

SUMALEE: Very sneaky.

LIAM: That is an excellent idea.

SAM: You can respond– oh, you did.

LIAM: Yeah. You and I, we’re good. We have this
little routine. Beauregard can do that on this

side. What about on your side? You? You’re short.

MARISHA: Keg.

LIAM and SAM: She’s short.

MARISHA: But not as short as Nott.

TALIESIN: You could stand on top of me.

ASHLY: Are these guys humans, these guards?

MATT: Make a perception check. (yawns) Pardon me.

ASHLY: 20, baby!

MATT: One of them is human, though maybe 5 ½
feet tall. The other, because of the moonlight

that’s coming through, you have a better
perspective on him, even at this distance, you

guess probably half-elven or just a very thin
human. A little over 6-foot. So you have a 6-foot

one and one that’s 5 ½ feet.

SAM: Maybe firbolg could hunch over and stalk
around.

SUMALEE: As a firbolg, you have the ability, no,
to disguise yourself? Every firbolg does, to

shrink a little bit if you want.

SAM: She says to Caleb, who tells me, who tells
him.

SUMALEE: Sorry!

MARISHA: Pass it along!

TALIESIN: Yeah, I guess I can do that.

SAM: Okay!

ASHLY: I’m very strong, I could maybe hoist you.

SAM: Oh! Yes! See, you’ve got a plan, now!

ASHLY: We made up a plan, too!

LIAM: What are you doing over there, Nott?

SAM: We’re going to shoot the man and then drunky,
smoky Keg is going to pick up The Deuce and he’s

going to walk around–

ASHLY: Is my nickname Drunky, Smoky Keg?!

SAM: We’re working on a better one.

ASHLY: It’s not even a nickname; it’s three times
longer than my normal name! How about Keg?! My

normal name!

TALIESIN: It’s literally one syllable. I feel like
that’s not a lot to ask.

LIAM: Nott, I have a question for you. The plan is
not foolproof, but on our side over here,

Beauregard’s going to throw the asshole off the
wall. If you shoot your asshole and he does not

die but starts screaming, what do you do?

SAM: Other than shoot him again. We have a javelin
and that is all we’ve got.

ASHLY: I have rope, so I could tie the rope around
the javelin, (shoonk!), and pull him off the wall.

MARISHA: Makeshift harpoon? That’s pretty cool.

SAM: Sure, let’s do it!

ASHLY: Is that now a leading plan?

SAM: No, I’m still going to shoot and you’re going
to be ready with jav.

LIAM: Or you could attack at the same time.

ASHLY: That’s true.

LIAM: Said Liam.

MARISHA: Let’s just do this. Come on.

ASHLY: Okay, I tie the rope around the javelin.

SAM: You message me a countdown and I’ll say it
out loud to you.

ASHLY: I’m very scared.

MARISHA: We’re going to wait for our guys to
pace–

LIAM: Yeah, the sequence of events is that you two
need to get onto the wall successfully.

MARISHA: Uh-huh, with Pass Without a Trace.

LIAM: You’ve got your javelin tied up.

ASHLY: It’s ready, it’s roped.

MATT: Battle-optimal position.

SAM and MARISHA: They’re here.

LIAM: I say three, two, one.

MARISHA: Go, Pass without a Trace!

SAM: Three, two, one, go!

LIAM: No! Are they in place?

MARISHA: We’re going.

SUMALEE: She’s on my shoulders.

MARISHA: I’m on her shoulders, I’m up against this
fucking wall! You’re doing this, I’m going to try

and (grunt)–

ASHLY: Then we’re shooting at the same time?

SAM: We’re shooting at the same time.

LIAM: I’m going to hold Hold Person until these
two are right under the guard.

MARISHA: I want to wait until right after he
passes, and then I want to do some ninja stuff.

SAM: Are you just sipping tea?

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: First, I need you to make a stealth check
because you’re having to move right up against the

wall. This is a ten-foot clearing.

MARISHA: I do.

LIAM: Use the dodeca if you need to.

MARISHA: That’s true.

MATT: Both of you guys roll stealth checks.

MARISHA: Mmm.

SUMALEE: Doesn’t she get a plus ten to the
stealth?

MATT: It is a plus ten to stealth check.

MARISHA: Then that gives me a 20 total. Okay, 20.

SUMALEE: Oh shit, how did I get the same thing?
Look.

MARISHA: I cursed you!

SAM: You need to stealth too?

LIAM: Luck, you have luck still.

MATT: What’s your total?

ASHLY: Does that apply to her, the Pass without a
Trace?

LIAM and MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: But you have a luck left.

SUMALEE: I have two luck points left, but I feel
like–

MATT: No, you have one because you used one last
game.

ASHLY: But we short rested, didn’t we?

SUMALEE: Oh, we rested.

MATT: It’s a long rest to come back.

LIAM: You got one left.

ASHLY: Farts.

SUMALEE: I think I need to hold that.

MATT: So 15 and 20? You’re throwing a javelin and
you’re firing.

SAM: Yeah.

ASHLY: Okay.

MATT: You both run up to the wall. You go ahead
and hoist up, hanging on the edge right there.

Walks past, doesn’t seem to have noticed the both
of you.

SUMALEE and MARISHA: Woo!

MATT: Rolled a six on his perception. Would you
both make your attack rolls, please? Because you

are unseen, you have advantage on the attack.

ASHLY: On three?

LIAM: No, Caleb, seeing this, would’ve went drei,
zwei, eins. Hold Person.

ASHLY: That is a 15.

MATT: That just hits.

SAM: Natural 20.

ASHLY: Hell yes!

SAM: But you said advantage. So that was a three.

MATT: It was with advantage. Roll again just in
case you want to crit.

ASHLY: A one, no.

MATT: No, not at all. Let’s roll your sneak attack
damage and double it on top because it’s a crit,

and then take another shot.

LIAM: Take a shot!

SAM: 24 so far.

MATT: 24 points of damage from the first attack.
Go ahead and roll damage for the javelin.

ASHLY: Five.

MATT: It’s 29 damage. As you throw the javelin up,
you get your shot, the next attack.

SAM: 24.

MATT: Roll damage for that one.

SAM: Nine.

MATT: You watch as– (multiple impacts)– and you
yank back. Make a strength check.

SAM: Come on!

ASHLY: No whammies. Ten?

MATT: (thud) You’re dragging the corpse.

LIAM: Ten.

ALL: Ten!

MATT: Hand-over-hand, you’re dragging the corpse.
He insta-dies, and then got pulled off and then

slammed onto the ground and is now being pulled
through the dirt and grass. Done, instantly. For

you, it’s a wisdom saving throw.

LIAM: 16.

MATT: A natural 12 plus one, that’s 13, it’s a
fail.

LIAM: Oh, held!

MARISHA: He’s held?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: As soon that I see that he’s held, I am
going to jump up and try and grab him by the pants

and bash his head in and then throw him down.

MATT: Easy enough to do. Go ahead and make a
martial arts attack. Technically, you have

advantage because he’s paralyzed.

MARISHA: Okay. Just a straight attack?

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: Okay. 16? No, sorry, 15?

MATT: That hits, it’s an auto-crit because he’s
held. Roll your martial arts damage.

MARISHA: Aw, I rolled a one. Plus two, plus four.
Six damage.

MATT: Six damage. You throw him to the ground. He
falls and takes an additional five points of

bludgeoning damage. After the fall, hits the
ground– off the wall, on the backside of it, he’s

now face down on the ground, still held.

MARISHA: I go: Nila, now!

SUMALEE: I take my shillelagh and just let him
have it (grunt).

MATT: Are you continuing your attack with her or
are you hanging, staying up on the wall?

MARISHA: I will finish my attack right as she
whacks her staff. I’m going to let go and try and

time it to where I land on the staff with her.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and swing the attack. You
have advantage because he’s paralyzed and prone.

SUMALEE: Okay, this is this.

MATT: Yep. Go ahead and roll that twice and take
the higher, adding your wisdom modifier.

SUMALEE: Ten plus four, so 14.

MATT: Plus your proficiency modifier, which is
plus three, so it would be–

SUMALEE: 17.

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll your damage.
Should be a–

SUMALEE: Which is 1d8.

MATT: d8 plus four. But d8 times two because it’s
critical.

ASHLY: Come on, Nila.

MATT: Well, it’s– oh, that’s fine, we’ll do that.
So that’s nine– add the two together– it’s nine

plus four. So 13 points of damage on top of that.
Right as you’re slamming down, go ahead and make

your next attack.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm, 23.

MATT: With advantage, these are with advantage
because he’s paralyzed and prone.

MARISHA: 23.

MATT: Go ahead and roll damage, crit.

MARISHA: That’s much better. Eight plus four, so
12 damage.

MATT: 12 points of damage. Yeah, that’ll do it.

ASHLY: Fuck yes!

MATT: Both of them– one was enjoying the wind and
then darkness forever. The other got a cramp and

then got bludgeoned from all sides after being
jammed in the dirt and then expired.

ASHLY: “Was enjoying the wind and then darkness
forever.” Aw, that’s so sad! Was it Phil?

MATT: It was the end of The Sopranos for them,
man. It was just–

ASHLY: Phil’s asleep, Phil went to bed. It
switched, Phil’s still alive. We should only leave

Phil alive if we can, just save Phil.

MATT: Hashtag save Phil.

SUMALEE: Phil is bad!

MATT: They are both done at the moment, it is
silent. There is a very slight sound of both their

bodies impacting in the dirt, but you’re not sure
if that managed to reach as far as anybody within

the interior of the stronghold. What do you do now
in this moment?

SAM: Mr. Deuce, put on this cloak, if you don’t
mind, and climb up onto there and patrol around,

if you don’t mind.

TALIESIN: This Deuce thing’s weird, I don’t–

SAM: Mr. Clay!

MARISHA: I do the same thing. I slip into the
guard uniform.

TALIESIN: Do you think maybe we’re going to want
some of these clothes at some point?

SAM: You can put his cloak on right now.

TALIESIN: Oh, I’m really tall, but all right. I’m
also going to take a look at this guy they just

killed and commit his face and what he’s wearing
to memory, just to put it in there.

MATT: Cool, no worries.

ASHLY: Then I’m going to hoist you up on top? Or
can you make it there yourself?

TALIESIN: How tall is the–?

MATT: It’s about 12 feet. You might want to help
him; he’s not the strongest person. Just make a

strength check. It’s not too difficult.

ASHLY: A million. 24.

MATT: Yeah. You (grunt)– you get on top of the
wall, you have the cloak on.

TALIESIN: I’m going to rope down really quick,
quietly, keeping an eye out.

SAM: Ooh, nice.

MARISHA: Would you mind giving me another boost
real quick?

SUMALEE: Not a problem at all.

MATT: Between your acrobatics and your ability,
your height, without an issue, you get to the top.

You guys now are on top of the wall, cloaked.
Where do you want to go?

MARISHA: I look over at Deuce and give a nod.

TALIESIN: You said that out of game and I can’t
say anything about it.

LIAM: I send Frumpkin up into the air to do a
circle around the entire perimeter.

MATT: Perception check with advantage please.

ASHLY: Does this mean that they can see in the
windows on the second story now?

MATT: If they want to they can try.

LIAM: Achtzehn. 18.

MATT: Okay. There does not appear to be any person
in the courtyard. Those two guards are the only

two that were currently set on the outside. You
can see the horses that were pulling the carts

that are set over on the side at the moment. You
can see the carts that have since been repaired

and are currently waiting in rest. You can see the
front door to the stronghold, and you can see the

back door.

LIAM: Frumpkin saw all of this, yeah? Saw the
doors, all of that? I’m going to creep my way to

the front door and as I go, I’m going to cast
Detect Magic.

MATT: You’re still on the outside of the wall.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: You have to make your way through the
perimeter of the wall, which has its own front

gate, which is closed. Do you want to head to
that?

LIAM: Right, to the outer wall.

MATT: The outer wall and out that way, okay. Cast
Detect Magic?

LIAM: Yeah. I will wait until I am within 30 feet
of the wall and then I do so, I will mutter a few words.

TALIESIN: I get a free Disguise Self that doesn’t
actually count against any of my slots.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Sexy.

TALIESIN: I’m going to be a guard. I’m going to be
the guy we just snuffed.

MATT: Easy enough to do.

LIAM: I like this guy.

TALIESIN: That’s cool, I haven’t done this.

MATT: As you give the Deuce your nod, you watch as
his form actually shifts smaller and matches the

shape of the previous guard.

SAM: Mr. Clay!

ASHLY: Cool trick!

MATT: Finishing your Detect Magic, you do not
detect anything magical of the outer gate. It is locked.

ASHLY: Are we going in together? Should we do back
entrance/front entrance?

MARISHA: I can unlock the front entrance for you
guys.

LIAM: I take my wire and I say: Nott are you on
the ground still? Can you meet me at the front

gates quietly?

SAM: Yeah, give us a minute. I am going to rifle
through the dude’s pockets and go through the guy

we just killed’s stuff.

MATT: Okay. Make an investigation check, because
you’re doing this quickly.

SAM: 15.

MATT: 15? Not too bad.

MARISHA: Do we want to go front entrance/back
entrance?

MATT: You manage to pilfer about 62 gold pieces.

SAM: 62?!

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Why is he so rich?!

MATT: Because you caught him at the moment outside
of the town and he had his money on him.

SAM: But does he have anything else useful, like
keys?

MATT: No keys on him, no.

MARISHA: Yeah, make sure we get the gold out of
our dude’s pockets, you’re right there on the ground.

SAM: Okay, cool. Anything else?

MATT: He felt safe on that wall.

SAM: Anything else useful? No.

MATT: The crossbow that he had seems to have
snapped in the process of his body being yanked

from the top of the wall. His armor is standard
leather armor.

SAM: Okay, great.

MARISHA: Is there anything on the dude’s armor
that I put on?

MATT: You didn’t stop to check, you’re already up
on the wall.

SUMALEE: I can check.

MATT: If you want to. Make an investigation
check.

SUMALEE: 17, what do I add?

MARISHA: Investigation.

SUMALEE and MARISHA: Minus one.

SUMALEE: 16.

MATT: 16, okay. You find 22 gold pieces.

SUMALEE: Added to my ten, that seems like a lot.

MATT: And a pack of crossbow bolts, 16 crossbow
bolts.

SAM: Totally useful.

LIAM: Waiting very anxiously for my life partner.

SAM: Oh! Yes, let’s go! Oh, not you. You stay up
there. Let’s go, but be stealthy.

MATT: I’d like you both to roll stealth check with
disadvantage.

SAM: Wait, with advantage?

MATT: Disadvantage for her because of her armor.

LIAM: Oh, son of a fuck, come on Ash.

SAM and LIAM: Okay.

LIAM: Don’t go lower than that, that’s got to be
the worst.

SAM: That was the worst. Still not great.

ASHLY: This is the worst?

SAM: No.

LIAM: Seven plus–

ASHLY: Seven plus five.

MATT: Okay, 12, good to know.

MARISHA: I say: Meet at the front gate.

SUMALEE: Okay.

MATT: You’re going stealth as well? Roll a stealth
check. please.

ASHLY: Oh god, why’d I get plate armor?

MARISHA: I think you still have Pass Without a
Trace on.

MATT: You do, so that’s plus ten.

SUMALEE: Oh, thank goodness. Thank you.

MARISHA: Lasts for like ten minutes, I think.

SUMALEE: 14

MARISHA: Lasts for an hour?

SUMALEE and MATT: Up to an hour.

SUMALEE: Okay, so this is four plus ten.

MATT: Okay. Eventually, the four of you meet
towards the front gate, seemingly, from what you

can tell, no one’s noticed.

TALIESIN: From my vantage point, I’m going to see
if there’s anybody in the courtyard, or if there’s

anything– since I’m up there now.

MATT: Make a perception check.

MARISHA: I signal to Deuce. I don’t know what else
to call you.

TALIESIN: Clay, if you have to.

MARISHA: Clay.

TALIESIN: Caduceus Clay. 16.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Hey, look at the windows, too.

TALIESIN: They’re nice.

SAM: Oh no!

TALIESIN: I’m looking in the windows.

MATT: Okay, you see nobody else inside the
courtyard. You occasionally see the flickering

movement. It looks like firelight is the source of
light that’s coming through the two windows on the

two sides of the facility you can see. No movement
yet.

MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to slowly start pacing
around towards the front. I’m also going to look

into the windows. Do I see anything from my
vantage point?

MATT: Make a perception check.

MARISHA: Natural 20! Thanks, Gil!

MATT: Okay, you feel like you have a pretty good
eye on those two sides of the interior windows.

You do not see any movement yet, but you’re pretty
locked on. What are the four of you guys doing now

that you’ve met at the front gate?

LIAM: We’re at the front gate?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Okay, I can get this open, but I would
prefer to preserve my reserves, so can you get

this door open?

SAM: Sure, I’ll pick the lock. 16 plus stuff. It’s
plus four plus three or something like that? Is

that right?

MATT: That’s your dexterity modifier plus your
proficiency modifier.

SAM: Yeah, plus seven.

MATT: All right; yeah.

SAM: So 23.

MATT: 23, okay. You take a moment and there are
two specific locks that are chained; one on each

side that are closed. The one that’s nearest to
you, easy enough. The one on the opposite side,

you have to pull out one of your metallic hooks
that slips through a space in the wood and manage

to pull it up on the side a little bit. You’re
essentially reverse-picking it with two hooked

picks from the opposite side. It takes you a
little longer, until eventually it hangs.

LIAM: I miss being a rogue every day.

SAM: So far, everything’s going great–

ASHLY: Why did you say that?

SAM: And we should assume that everything will
continue to go great.

ASHLY: Oh god, okay.

LIAM: I pull out the wire and get it between my
hands and whisper up to Beauregard: Are we good?

Is everything good up there from what you can see?
Are we good?

MARISHA: Coast looks clear. I don’t know why I did
this with my fingers.

ASHLY: Okay, now we have a choice. We could just
try to go downstairs and get your friends.

LIAM: There is another door over there. Let’s get
to that door.

ASHLY: The back door?

LIAM: We’re at the front gate.

MATT: You guys are over there.

ASHLY: Oh duh, okay. All right.

MATT: You’re making your way into the courtyard
now.

LIAM: Yeah, so we have to get to that door.

MATT: This door or this door. Your choice.

ASHLY: That’s the front?

MATT: That’s the front.

TALIESIN: Or you could meet me at the corner,
since I’m walking around the– Oh, I’m on the

outer. I’m not in the center area yet?

MATT: Technically, Beau, you guys are walking
perimeter on the outside wall. The rest of you

cats are currently, essentially, over that way.
You guys have just passed through the gate on that

side, where it’s open and allowing you into the
courtyard.

SAM: Caleb, I trust you. Where do we go, back–

LIAM: There’s no magic on the front door, right?

MATT: You’re still focusing as you come inside?

LIAM: It’s like ten minutes, so I’ve probably got
four or five minutes left.

MATT: Yeah, no magic that you notice on the front
door of the fortress.

LIAM: I think that we should cut around the side
and go to the back. They will probably be

expecting that less.

ASHLY: That leads into the kitchen, too. There
shouldn’t be anyone in the kitchen.

LIAM: Yeah, okay.

SAM: Okay, but wait. Can we get Beau and Mr. Clay
down here as well to help?

LIAM: I think we should leave them for the moment
to keep appearances up.

SAM: Well then, in that case, can you carry Keg?

ASHLY: Oh yeah, could you carry me?

SUMALEE: I would love to.

LIAM: Okay, but are you able to– I don’t
understand your people’s ways, but are you able to

help her the way you helped Beauregard earlier?

SAM: Oh yes, you could use that spell that you
used earlier.

LIAM: That ability you had to make Beauregard–

MARISHA: It’s within 30 feet of her, so yeah, I
think she should be good? But I think you have to

cast it on the people within 30 feet of you.

SAM: Recast!

MATT: For the duration, each creature you choose
within 30 feet of you.

LIAM: So you could drop it and do it again.

SAM: Wait, for the duration–

MARISHA: For the duration, each creature you
choose within 30 feet?

LIAM: Who has it now?

TALIESIN: I think it’s as long as they’re within
30 feet, it’s like a field and you can say yea or

nay. That’s my view.

MATT: It doesn’t say at the moment of casting you
have to select; just that for the duration you

choose. So, my interpretation, I would allow
someone to step into the radius, and you could

then choose.

SAM: Okay, so we know better. We know you don’t
have to cast it.

ASHLY: I’ll snuggle up to Nila.

SUMALEE: I choose Keg.

LIAM: Let’s tippy-toe around the back door.

SAM: Okay, let’s go!

MATT: All right, everyone who’s now making their
way around the back, make another stealth check.

ASHLY: Am I at disadvantage now? Still?

MATT: You’re still at disadvantage, because you
still have your armor.

ASHLY: So two plus ten plus five. 17.

LIAM: I miss Vax so much.

SAM: 23.

LIAM: 14.

TALIESIN: Plus ten.

LIAM: Plus ten, whatever it is.

SUMALEE: 12.

MATT: Okay. You guys begin to head around this
direction?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: All right. Going past the barrel pile where
you had previously made your way in and out via

owl the previous day. As you guys scoot past, you
hear the front door of the facility (thudding)

(creaking). It opens ever so faintly to the
inside, and a figure peers out, having apparently

heard something.

MARISHA: We don’t see that?

SAM: No, we already went–

LIAM: No, these two. We asked them if they saw
anything right before we went.

MARISHA: I didn’t see that.

MATT: You see a figure poke the head out and look
curiously.

TALIESIN: Sorry!

MATT: “What?” Make a deception check, with
advantage given that fact that it’s in the

darkness and not an unexpected scenario.

TALIESIN: Natural 20.

ASHLY: Hell yes!

MATT: Guard looks past and closes the door.

ASHLY: Oh my god. I’m going to have an ulcer after
this game!

TALIESIN: Nah.

MATT: You guys all continue to the back of the
facility.

ASHLY: Except Keg.

SUMALEE: No, you are with me. We’re together.

MATT: You guys are at the back door.

LIAM: I’m going to guess that I have two or three
minutes left on Detect Magic, so does the door

seem clear of that?

MATT: The door seems to be clear of magic.

TALIESIN: Who do I see on the front door, by the
way, really? What did he look like? I don’t know

who he was, but–

MATT: From what you can look at, it looked to be
humanoid, it was hard to tell at this distance

with the little bit of firelight you saw. Hood was
down. Short, black hair, looked a bit sallow.

Young, but probably looked older than they were–

MARISHA: Kill it! Kill it!

ASHLY: Aww, damn.

MATT: Nah, that would have been cool.

LIAM: It was on my iPad!

MATT: I should have run with it. You’re at the
back door.

LIAM: Luck, luck, luck. Is there any gap between
the bottom of the door and the floor that Frumpkin

could fit through right now?

MATT: There is a very faint bit that a spider
could fit though, yes.

LIAM: In you go, buddy. Hold on to my hand,
please.

ASHLY: We could do a hand chain.

SAM: You’re not with us.

TALIESIN: Aww, damn it.

LIAM: Telepathically, I tell Frumpkin to crawl up
the other side of the door and go onto the ceiling.

MATT: All right. Frumpkin is now up, and there is
a kitchen.

TALIESIN: Sandwiches!

SAM: What?

MATT: There is a kitchen, you can see there is an
oven. There looks to be a bunch of dirty dishes

that have just piled up and haven’t been washed in
a while. There is a path that goes to the right

and further down this hallway, and there is a door
that leads further in.

LIAM: Nila didn’t tell us anything about a kitchen
from her–

MARISHA: Yeah, she did.

MARISHA: The hallway down the right is the one we
want to go to, if I remember correctly.

SUMALEE: With the trapdoor.

MARISHA: With the trapdoor, yep.

LIAM: Well, that’s where I will send Frumpkin
along the ceiling. Then when he gets to a door, he

can go down the door and under, if there is a gap,
and then up the door.

MATT: Okay. That’s through into this hallway,
which currently ends in two more doors. This way

and that way.

LIAM: Are all these doors so far the same? They
are loose?

MATT: They are loose. I mean, as far as small
gaps in between, very, very tiny.

LIAM: A half-inch for Frumpkin?

MATT: Yep.

ASHLY: Would I be able to tell him which way to
go?

MATT: He wouldn’t be able to hear you.

LIAM: I don’t hear shit right now. I will send
Frumpkin through the next gap.

MATT: Which one? There’s two different doors. This
way or this way.

LIAM: No, you can’t tell me anything.

TALIESIN: Here, have a laser pointer.

SAM: Here is a laser pointer, Liam O'Brien.

LIAM: I will do this one here.

MATT: All right. Frumpkin moves into this chamber,
which unveils this chamber. In this chamber, you

see a dining area of some kind, and you see there
are two of the hired guards in the process of

finishing an evening drink.

SAM: Was it Phil and the other guy?

MARISHA: Is it Phil?

MATT: One of them is Phil. One of them is the
other guy. Looks like they’re having a nightcap.

ASHLY: Are they drunk?

MATT: They’ve been drinking. You have no idea if
they’re drunk. Frumpkin sees the two of them

hushedly chatting to one other and drinking from
tankards.

LIAM: I will have Frumpkin back away, under the
crack.

MATT: Okay. Make a stealth check for Frumpkin
because now you are in eyesight of–

LIAM: He is so little. He is so small.

MATT: I know.

LIAM: Just one roll? That’s okay. Hold on,
everybody. 14. Wait, everything’s crazy. I need a

different browser window.

MATT: What did you roll?

LIAM: Well, I rolled a 14 but it’s better than
that, it’s 16.

MATT: That’s fine. They do not see Fumpkin. They
have had just enough to drink where they did not

see Frumpkin.

LIAM: (singing) The Itsy Bitsy Spider.

MATT: Frumpkin is going where?

LIAM: Back under that door, and he will peeky-poo
under the door he has not checked yet.

MATT: Okay. That leads into another chamber, a
hallway, that continues down and then seems to

open into another walkway.

LIAM: Yeah, this door. This one here.

MATT: Frumpkin goes and opens that one, which
leads into another hallway, a very small chamber,

and there are a couple of odd pieces of dried
goods in the corners, and a wooden trapdoor.

LIAM: To the bottom.

SAM: Trapdoor to the bottom?

MATT: Seems to be a trapdoor.

LIAM: Any cracks that are a half-inch wide, big
enough for a spider?

MATT: No.

LIAM: I remember this. Okay. That’s a wall covered
by that paper there that you don’t need to

uncover, right?

MATT: That is a wall, yes.

LIAM: Back out of this, I know where I am. I will
go along the wall here. Frumpkin will crawl on the

wall. Oh, you can’t see where I’m pointing.

MATT: On the wall over here?

LIAM: Yeah, and crawl around the corner and peek
around the corner into that colored spot.

MATT: Okay. Revealing that. It looks, and you can
see this has been storage. Because Frumpkin

entered, this is all kitchen storage, and looking
down this hall–

LIAM: This is too complicated for me to mutter, so
I’m not telling everybody this. This is too complicated.

MATT: That is the gist of what you’ve seen.

SAM: Wow, that’s the whole layout, Frumpy.

MATT: You don’t know how much of this will stay.

SAM: Sure glad we chose a spider!

MARISHA: I take back mocking you for your choice.

LIAM: I don’t hear anything, and you’re nowhere
near me. What I will do is send Frumpkin down this

hallway, because I did not go this way yet.

MATT: Turning around this way, you can see the
spiral staircase, the very same where you had

briefly managed to dodge Lorenzo earlier in the
day, heading up to the second floor.

LIAM: I remember this from her stories, so I will
continue Frumpkin up the stairs.

SAM: Up the stairs? Oh god, why? Why would you do
that?

LIAM: Time is passing, because he’s not that
quick.

MATT: Right as Frumpkin passes that way, this door
opens up, and one of the two guards heads this

way. A little sloppy, but turns and–

LIAM: We’ll make for the wall at that point.

MATT: “Ew.” He starts walking up, and goes in to
try and step on Frumpkin.

LIAM: What does Frumpkin need to do, armor class,
right?

MATT: Yeah, what’s Frumpkin’s armor class?

LIAM: Zwölf.

MATT: With disadvantage. That’s 12. It goes ahead
and stomps down. That’s a hit point.

LIAM: He scurries away– No, he scurries up onto
the wall, up onto the ceiling.

MATT: What’s the speed for Frumpkin?

LIAM: 20 feet.

MATT: Okay. The guard is like, “Ugh. Hey, Phil?”

(laughter)

MATT: “What? What’s the problem?” “There’s a
fucking spider in here.”

LIAM: There’s a bug in this world, and I won’t
rest until he’s dead.

TALIESIN: The most realistic thing I’ve ever–

MATT: Heads back into the room and comes back with
these two metal tankards that are dinged up, and

they both start throwing them up to try and smash
the spider. With that, the first one misses and

(clatters) down the stairs.

LIAM: Matt, I don’t know if this will happen in
time, but what I tell him to do telepathically,

because I should be close enough, 100 feet, is to
go in here, through this door that’s open, and

over the door and down the back, and once he’s out
of sight, I will poof him out, if that works. They

might hit him before it happens.

MATT: Well, the first two slams, or tossing of
tankards, clanging loudly, do not hit.

MARISHA: I thought it was going to blow our
cover.

LIAM: It’s a spider!

MATT: They both turn around and follow like,
“Where did it go?”, “It’s this way!” and they both

come back inside the room, trying to follow where
Frumpkin went.

LIAM: But he disappears in the back of the door.

MATT: They both look around like, “Shit. Ugh. I
can’t sleep now with that thing around here. Keep

“looking.” That’s the last thing that Frumpkin
hears before vanishing.

SAM: Oh boy.

LIAM: That was wild. Okay. Yes. Oh, hi. Again.
There’s two of them. I pull a wire out and I aim

towards my friends on the horses. There’s two of
them. Six seconds go by. There’s two of them on

the first floor. What do we do?

SAM: What do we do now? Should we go in?

ASHLY: Do we have any sense if their clanging
disturbed anything?

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: Did you see a way to downstairs?

ASHLY: 14.

MATT: You’re listening right now. You don’t hear
anything, but you’re also on the opposite side of

where anybody else would be. So you have no idea.

LIAM: I saw what the firbolg woman told us about.
There is a trapdoor not too far from us here.

SAM: Why don’t we go try to get down to it?

LIAM: (whispers) Ja, okay, that’s good. We have
to be very quiet.

SUMALEE: There may be murderers inside the trap
door.

LIAM: Here’s what we do. Frumpkin, I take
Frumpkin. Oh, there’s Frumpkin. I place Frumpkin

on your shoulder.

SAM: Yes?

LIAM: You have to go in this door and I’m going to
talk into your ear. I’m going to hold Keg’s

shoulder and I am going to talk into your ear and
tell you which way to go to get you to the

trapdoor. Okay, and you have to be very quiet.

ASHLY: By yourself?

LIAM: Yeah, and see if that trapdoor is open. If
it is, you will put my spider underneath and we

will see what is going on.

SAM: If the trapdoor is open?

LIAM: If it’s unlocked.

SAM: Oh, if it’s unlocked. Okay, got it.

LIAM: Do not go in yourself right away, send in
Frumpkin to look. I will be watching the whole time.

SAM: All right.

MATT: Are you drinking to the point of
intoxication?

SAM: No, just one big swig.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: Okay, let’s go.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Got to pick a lock first, or check the door.

MATT: Make an investigation check on the door.

SAM: 24.

MATT: 24. The door is indeed locked.

SAM: I will try to pick it.

MATT: Go ahead and roll for that. Plus six.

SAM: It was 22.

MATT: That’s still enough, anyways.

SAM: That does not work.

MATT: What did you roll?

SAM: It was a two plus whatever I said before,
seven.

MATT: No. You fear breaking one of your lockpicks;
you remove it.

SAM: I can’t do it!

LIAM: It’s fine.

SAM: Ooh! Push open the door with your massive
strength.

ASHLY: The noise.

LIAM: Halt, I cast–

SAM: Can you get us in?

LIAM: Ja. I cast Knock on the door.

SUMALEE: I was just looking!

MATT: As you guys are having this conversation,
you see Caleb flicker his hands through the air,

his eyes focused in a distant stare for a moment.
You see this strange blue energy sparkle around

the outside of the doorknob and the door opens.

SAM: Wait, did you cast a spell? Oh, oh wow. Okay,
that was easy. All right, focus up.

ASHLY: Nott, be careful.

SAM: You care about me?

ASHLY: Yeah.

LIAM: At every turn– Listen to me. At every turn,
when you can go left or right, if Frumpkin, who

will be resting on your ear, tickles the inside of
the ear, it means go right. If nothing happens, go left.

SAM: Inside– tickle, right.

LIAM: Tickle means right.

SAM: Nothing, left. Liam eats farts. I’m ready.

LIAM: You’ve got it.

SAM: Got it.

LIAM and SAM: Tickle means right.

MARISHA: I do another check to see if I see any
movement upstairs.

MATT: You’re still keeping tabs on it. I’m not
going to have you roll just for consistently staring.

MARISHA: I just want to make sure.

MATT: Okay, you do see a shadow pass by the door–
by the window.

MARISHA: By the window.

SAM: I cast Mage Hand just in case.

MATT: Okay. What do you do?

SAM: I will go through and wait for a tickle.

LIAM: My hand is on Keg’s shoulder in case things
go to shit.

MATT: To the right is a hallway, an open entrance
that goes into a pantry or storage room. To the

left is a door that leads beyond the kitchen.

LIAM: Tickle means right; left is nothing.

SAM: Is there a tickle?

LIAM: No.

SAM: I will go straight.

MATT: You’re at a door.

SAM: I will try the door.

MATT: It opens, it’s not locked.

LIAM: Tickle, tickle.

MATT: You feel a tickle.

SAM: I turn right.

MATT: Make a stealth check, please, because you’re
now passing within ear shot of–

SAM: That’s a one!

ASHLY: No!

MATT: Okay. As you turn the corner, part of your
cloak seems to have caught the edge of one of the

pots that was layered on the table right here. As
you pull through, pots start clattering. You guys

watch as this whole stack of pots start pulling
off into the kitchen. The door here swings open

and both of these figures come rushing in. “Hey,
what the hell!” They both pull out blades.

LIAM: I drop it. We’re in, go! I walk into the
building.

MATT: All right, roll initiative, you guys.

MARISHA: All right.

ASHLY: Oh fuck.

SAM: The rogue blew it.

MARISHA: The rogue did blow it!

LIAM: That’s not what I expected.

MARISHA: Don’t die!

ASHLY: Ten?

MATT: All righty. 25 to 20?

LIAM: 21.

MARISHA: Also 21. I’m actually going ahead and
roll my d8 with this as well. Plus seven, 29.

Sorry, 28.

LIAM: Did the sound of clattering pans clatter
outside?

MATT: What do you mean?

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Did we hear it?

LIAM: Did the people outside hear it?

MATT: You guys would have heard it very faintly.
Because the door was open, and it did fill what

was normally a pretty still evening. That brings
us to them. All right. That brings us to 20 to 15.

SAM: 15.

SUMALEE: 18.

MATT: 18, all right. Nott… all right. 15 to ten?

ASHLY: Ten.

TALIESIN: 12.

MARISHA: Wait, who was a 12? You?

MATT: All right, I think that’s everyone. Top of
the combat round at this moment. Beau, you’re up first.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: Hearing this noise, you are on the wall at
this point keeping an eye. You guys would probably

be at angles here if you maintained patrol and
tried to case both sides.

MARISHA: I want to look at the window. Do I see
that figure I just saw? Does it seem like the pots

and pans got that figure’s attention and they’re
hastily moving?

MATT: You saw them move casually past one window
and then move quicker past the other.

MARISHA: Okay, where am I?

MATT: You’re over here, on the wall.

MARISHA: I’m over there.

MATT: You guys have been on the wall this whole
time, so you’re right over here. Essentially about

that high.

MARISHA: Okay, I am going to– do I try and make a
distraction or run?

SUMALEE: Good question.

MARISHA: I’m going to light one of those
firecrackers again, and I’m going to toss it this

direction towards the front of the door.

SUMALEE: Yes.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and make a dexterity check.

MARISHA: Natural 20!

MATT: Where directly do you want to aim it?

MARISHA: I want to try and aim it to where it
sounds like there’s a commotion happening at this

front door to draw people this way and not at the
back.

MATT: You go ahead and you throw it. It lands.
It’s going to take a second for it to go off, but

it definitely seems to have rolled passed and over
in the vicinity just past that corner.

MARISHA: I’m assuming that was my action?

MATT: That was your action, and I’ll say bonus
action to pull it out, light it and throw.

MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to use my movement to
just haul ass towards these guys.

MATT: Along the wall?

MARISHA: Yeah!

MATT: All right. (counting) That’s about as far as
you can get right there.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: Ending your turn. Caleb you’re up.

LIAM: I slap my hand down on Keg’s shoulder and I,
with a free hand, stick licorice root into my

mouth and start chewing and squeeze her shoulder
and you are Hasted. And I will– a couple of

things, and I can’t find my card right now, but
you have a plus two to your AC, you have advantage

on dexterity saving throws, and an additional
action on each of your turns.

MATT: So you can have four attacks in a single
round.

LIAM: You are very fast right now.

MATT: And your movement is twice as much. So you
have 50 feet a turn.

LIAM: I start moving into the building, as far as
I can, actually. Behind Nott.

MATT: I’ll put this on Keg as a reminder. So you
move in (counting) right there?

LIAM: By the doorway? Yeah, that’s good.

MATT: All right, that finishes your go.

LIAM: Pressing into the wall there, so that people
can get by me.

MATT: All right. One of them shouts, “We got
company!” over his shoulder, behind.

LIAM: Oh, that’s terrible.

MATT: A natural 19 on the dice. Going to move in
here, this one is going to move in as well. They

are probably going to move right there. They’re
both going to make attacks on Nott.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: The first one is going to be a 13 to hit.

SAM: Miss!

MATT: You duck out of the way. You see the short
sword they pull spark across the stone, carving

down the side. No impact. The other one uses that
moment to try and swing at you. That’s equally

terrible! That’s far worse, actually. That’s a
six.

SAM: Miss.

MATT: Both of them (whooshing), no effect, but
they’re both shouting back over their shoulders

like, “Intruder! Company!” That finishes their go.
Nila, you’re up first.

SUMALEE: Should I put my spirit totem now to give
us extra strength?

LIAM: That’s up to you.

SUMALEE: It will only get within 30 feet around,
so Beau would not be covered.

MARISHA: I’m coming into you, though. I’m coming
into you guys.

SUMALEE: So when she moves into that– Nila wants
to go inside.

MATT: You move inside. (counting)

SUMALEE: As close as I can get toward the trapdoor.

MATT: 25, 30. You can get right into that doorway
right there.

SUMALEE: Then can I take my shillelagh?

MATT: Unfortunately, you cannot get close enough
to hit them physically. You’re too far away from

the combat.

SUMALEE: Wait. Within ten feet of one of them?

MATT: Yes.

SUMALEE: Poison Spray.

MATT: All right, Poison Spray. Yeah, that one
creatures does, has a ten feet range. Okay. It

makes a constitution saving throw. That is a
failure with a natural five, so roll damage on

that. It is a 2d12, right? Plus 1d12. Does this
damage increase as you level up?

SUMALEE: I think so. I wasn’t sure.

MATT: A lot of cantrips do. Yes, it does, so roll
2d12.

SUMALEE: One. 11.

MATT: 12 points of poison damage to the one on the
left there. All of a sudden, as Nila rounds the

corner, extending your hand, this sudden plume of
dark purplish-black gas emanates around their

face. They begin coughing horribly as it stings
the inside of their lungs and throat. That

finishes your turn? That brings us to Nott.

SAM: Oh Jesus. I will bonus action disengage, and
run through the door that the spider told me to go through.

MATT: Which one?

SAM: The closed one.

MATT: All right, you go to that door. It’s
locked.

SAM: Locked? Great, I’ll go through the other
door.

MATT: You can use your action to try and fast pick
it, if you like. It’s up to you. Because you can

do that as a rogue.

SAM: Sure, I’ll do that. I’ll fast pick.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Pick fast. 12.

MATT: 12? It holds tight.

SAM: Sure. I have any more movement?

MATT: You have currently 20 feet.

SAM: I will run into the next room, as far as I
can get.

MATT: (counting) That puts you right there. That
ends your go. It is now Clay’s turn.

SAM: Wait, did she give me any bonuses? No, right?
Did you do your order of the totem thing?

MATT: No, she did not do her totem.

TALIESIN: Ah man. I guess I’m going to take 60
feet of running to find out what that commotion is

on the other–

MATT: You’re about there.

TALIESIN: Actually, would I have gone for the
front door or– No, I would have gone for the

back. That’s what I got.

MATT: Ending your go; Keg, you’re up.

ASHLY: Because I’m hasted, can I get right in
front of Nila?

MATT: (counting) Yeah, easily. Whoa, you dart
past. Nila’s standing there–

LIAM: She’s got another ten feet.

MATT: Yes, she does. Nila’s standing there,
finishes the Poison Spray, suddenly there’s this

blur of speed, plate, and hair as Keg rushes by
Nila’s side, actually causing the edge of her

clothing to ripple up and back down into place.
They’re both there, right in your face, and they

watch as you emerge. They don’t even have time to
process what you are. You’re just a shape and

anger, and they’re like, “Whoa!” What do you want
to do?

ASHLY: I’m going to smack the poisoned one with my
battleaxe.

MATT: All right, go for it. First attack.

ASHLY: 17 to hit.

MATT: That hits, roll damage.

ASHLY: Okay, and then 1d8 plus four. That’s
eight.

MATT: Eight points of damage. (smack) He looks
hurt, like between the poison gas and that he’s

hurt. He’s not down yet, but he’s looking rough.

ASHLY: Okay, I’m going to smack him again, this
time with the warhammer, why not, just for fun.

That will be 15 plus seven. I can’t do math.

MATT: 15 plus seven? Yeah, 25, that hits. Roll
damage.

ASHLY: Then that is 11.

MATT: 11. With that, he’s (smack), “What the–?!”
Second hit and he goes down like a sack of potatoes.

(cheering)

MATT: He is on the ground, not moving. His friend
just sees it, goes, “What?!”

ASHLY: Then I have another action. I’m going to
smack him, the friend that’s still there. 11?

MATT: 11. This time, seeing this go down, he
dodges out of the way and your weapon scrapes

across the outside of the door frame, actually
cutting a bit into it. You have to pull it out.

Still have your bonus action if you wanted to do a
fourth attack.

ASHLY: I do want to do a fourth attack. I’m going
to try again. 12.

MATT: 12. Unfortunately, he just manages to duck
twice. The second time actually gleans off the

shoulder, but the armor’s too thick. No impact.

ASHLY: Should I do action surge?

SAM: Yeah!

LIAM: No! Tell her nothing!

MATT: What do you want to do?

ASHLY: I’m going to use action surge, I guess. No,
I’m not. I have a little bit more movement, right?

MATT: You have ten feet of movement, yes.

ASHLY: Can I get between him and Nott?

MATT: You can move (counting). You can’t quite get
between the two of them, but you can be wedged

into the doorway. If they try to move away from
you, you will get an attack of opportunity if you

want to take one as a reaction.

ASHLY: Okay.

MATT: That ends your turn. Back at the top. Beau,
you’re up.

MARISHA: Okay. Have I heard my cherry bomb go
off?

MATT: Not quite yet, because it’s on an initiative
of 20.

MARISHA: Oh, what? Amazing. Okay. I’m going to
move my full speed, my 40 feet. Does it get me in?

MATT: Make an acrobatics check to leap off the
wall.

MARISHA: 14.

MATT: 14, that’s enough. You get right to the
kitchen.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: You’re just at the door. That’s your full
movement.

MARISHA: I’m going to use– no. I’m going to use
my action to move again, to dash.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Nope, I’m going to go that way.

MATT: (counting)

MARISHA: Okay. I don’t want to peek around the
wall; I want to ninja dash around, and I want to

get up against the wall, peek, and look for anyone
who might be coming around that hall.

MATT: Okay, gotcha.

MARISHA: As I ran by, I went: Psst! To Caleb, to
let him know that I was here and going that way.

MATT: You glance over just to see this quick flash
of Beau disappearing down the hallway.

LIAM: Blue fabric?

MARISHA: I’m like: I’m going to watch this way.
Watch for me!

MATT: Caleb, you’re up.

LIAM: Yeah, I should be able to see just over or
under Nila’s legs or something, that one last asshole?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: I’m going to do a fastball special, a Fire
Bolt, at him.

MATT: Roll an attack.

SAM: Is this Phil, or is this his friend?

ASHLY: Oh yeah, did we kill Phil?

MATT: No, Phil’s the one standing.

ASHLY: (laughs) Sorry, Phil.

SAM: Leave him alive! He must live!

LIAM: I rolled a 15 to hit Phil.

SAM: These guys are human?

MATT: 15 to hit Phil, that hits.

LIAM: Oh, gut!

SAM: These guys are humans?

MATT: One of them was human, one looked to be
half-elf. Phil is the half-elf. You see this

younger looking guy–

LIAM: (gasps) I rolled a ten. Out of ten.

MATT: Ooh.

ASHLY: Oh.

LIAM: (whoosh)

MATT: So ten, plus?

LIAM: That’s it, it’s just a cantrip.

MATT: Right, cantrip, at 5th-level, it does 2d10.

LIAM: Does it? Okay.

MATT: Yeah. Cantrips get better.

LIAM: 13.

MATT: Okay. 13 points of damage. You feel the
sudden burst of warm air up under your outfit for

a moment, Nila, as this fire bolt goes firing
through from between your legs and explodes into

the chest of the guard in front of you. (yells)
Backs up, and the flames lick up the front of his

armor before he pats them out for a second. That
finish your turn, Caleb?

LIAM: Part of me really likes the way fire feels.
That’s it.

MATT: Finishing Caleb’s go.

LIAM: Ah, no. I’m going to back up ten feet.

MATT: He’s right there. Knock the chair over as
you back up. At this point, you guys all hear,

echoing off in the distance, (popping). Small
firecrackers are now exploding on the outside of

the front fortress (popping).

MARISHA: Let’s hope this works the way I have in
my head.

SUMALEE: Yes! Blow them up!

MATT: Nott, as you were looking off, you see a
shape run past and start heading for the door. You see–

SAM: Running past where? Oh, there.

MATT: Past this way, you see a figure make their
way to the door, and put their back to it. They

haven’t noticed you yet.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: As they put their back to the door, focusing
on where the sound of those fireworks go off,

looks back through the doorway, into the middle of
the mess hall, hears this commotion and looks

right to you.

SAM: Wait, sees me or doesn’t see me?

MATT: Does see you. Because you’re not trying to
hide and it is a lit interior. This is Wohn. This

is the female human barbarian that had rushed
Caleb before. Previously had a great maul.

However, is instead wielding a very familiar
two-handed greatsword. Wide blade with runic hilt.

The weapon that Yasha had on her–

SAM: Oh, that’s right, they had the weapons.
Shit.

MATT: However, that’s her turn. That brings us to
Nila. You’re up.

SUMALEE: Okay. I want to get to the trapdoor.

LIAM: What do you do, mom?

SUMALEE: Yes. I would like to move. Oh wait, he’s
not dead yet.

MATT: He is not. You can just barely see another
individual who appears to be joining the fray

across the way. One of the slavers that is
responsible for taking your family.

LIAM: Fucking slavers.

SUMALEE: Okay. I’d like to move forward and finish
off Phil.

MATT: Okay.

SUMALEE: Sorry.

MARISHA: Mother’s vengeance. Fuck you, Phil!

MATT: Are you going Poison Spray, or you going–

SUMALEE: I’m going to use the shillelagh.

MATT: Okay. You step in–

MARISHA: (singing) I can feel it coming in the air
tonight.

SAM: (synth drums)

SUMALEE: This is for my son, Asar!

MATT: Go for it. Swing for the attack. Actually,
you could, if you wanted to, I’ll allow you to

move in to flank with Keg. That’ll give you
advantage on the attack roll.

SUMALEE: Oh, thank you. 12 plus–

ASHLY: You get to roll one more.

MATT: Plus seven, so that would be 18. So roll one
more time.

SUMALEE: 18, or… eh, 18.

MATT: We’ll take the 18. So that hits. Go ahead
and roll damage. That’s a d8 plus four.

SUMALEE: Six.

MATT: All right. Ten points of damage. You rush in
(whack!), as you clock Phil on the side of his

head, it slams him against the stone wall. He’s
like, “Ugh!” His eyes rolling within his skull. He

looks pretty heavily beaned. Still conscious, but
pretty badly beat up at this point. That finish

your turn?

SUMALEE: No. Now I would like to place my spirit
totem. I want to do it as close to the trapdoor

as I can to hopefully protect as many people
inside.

MATT: You have no visual, unfortunately, because
this door is still closed and locked. All you can

see is what’s in this room, this kitchen, and this
chamber here. You have no visual on the trapdoor.

SUMALEE: But I know it’s there. I know it’s there
from when I–

MATT: You know where it is, yes.

SUMALEE: I feel like I– Yes, I’m going to do it.

LIAM: Redrum.

SUMALEE: What?

LIAM: Whatever you want, Sumalee!

SUMALEE: I don’t know!

LIAM: I’m being a nerd. Have fun!

SUMALEE: Yes, okay. I place my Bear Spirit Totem.

MATT: Okay, so you’re taking the totem.

SUMALEE: This will protect anyone who comes within
30 feet of it.

MATT: For the next minute, yes.

SUMALEE: Oh gosh. All right. Okay, she grabs her
smell bag real quick. Hold on!

MATT: Your choice.

SUMALEE: I’m going to save it until next time.

MATT: Okay. Since I actually skipped over Phil’s
turn, Phil’s going to, out of retribution for the

attack, swing towards you, Nila, having had no
luck against you, and having not even wanting to

touch this weird dwarven blur that’s just
destroyed his friend. He’s going to swing

towards you with the blade. That’s going to be a
14? What’s your armor class?

SUMALEE: 15.

MATT: 15? Your shield deflects it off the side. No
impact. All right. Phil’s accepting his fate.

Nott, you’re up.

SAM: Oh boy. Me against a barbarian? Has she
turned to–

ASHLY: Run for sure.

SAM: To see me?

LIAM: No. Stab and disengage.

MATT: She has noticed you, yes.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: She used her turn to move and dash, so had
no action yet. But went up against the front door,

hearing the sound from outside, and then turned
and just focused on you.

SAM: Fuck. I will– Keg is what?

LIAM: Keg is right there to the bad guy. Am I
mistaken?

SAM: Oh, fuck that guy.

LIAM: But I mean, sneak attack damage–

SAM: He’s got like two hit points. Fuck that guy.
I’m going to try to disable the giant, larger

threat than Phil, which probably won’t work, but
it’s worth a shot. I will point at the barbarian

and say: Oi, I’m thinking of removing my spine
because it’s only holding me back! I will cast

Hideous Laughter on the giant thing.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: 14.

MATT: 14 wisdom saving throw. That’s a natural
six. Falls prone.

SAM: Yes!

ASHLY: She’s prone!

SAM: I took out the barbarian, guys.

MARISHA: Well, she’s prone.

LIAM: I didn’t even see the miniature beyond the
door. I didn’t know she was there.

MATT: She falls cackling to the ground. (laughter)
and is rolling on the ground, the blade falling

out of her grip for the moment and then she
clutches it back to her, rolls with it.

SAM: Oh, she has it?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Tight tight tight.

SAM: Cool cool cool. Tasha’s: at the end of its
turn, it can make a wisdom saving throw. Hold on.

Okay. I’m going to get out of there, run past the
laughing thing.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: As fast as I can. Oh, not that way, the other
way.

MATT: That’s fine. (counting)

SAM: Yeah. Do I try to get her weapon or do I keep
running? She’s clutching it, still, you said?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: So it’d be like a strength check. I’m just
going to keep running. Another 30 feet.

MATT: Which direction? Around here?

SAM: Yeah. Well, because I’m still trying to get
where the spider told me to go.

MATT: (counting) There you go.

MARISHA: As Nott comes around the corner, I’m just
going to go: Hey! Psst!

SAM: Huh? Ah!

MARISHA: (shushing)

MATT: That finishes Nott’s go. Clay, you’re up.

TALIESIN: Another 60 feet.

MATT: Are you jumping off the wall or going full
square on the outer wall?

TALIESIN: I’ll jump off the wall.

MATT: Make an acrobatics check to try and land.

TALIESIN: Ooh, that’s 14.

MATT: 14? Okay, you fall to one knee, but you get
up okay. You don’t take any damage.

LIAM: He’s just that good.

MATT: (counting) 30. You’re just coming up on the
outside of the kitchen. The horse is just (snorting).

TALIESIN: Hey, big guy.

MARISHA: “Hey, big guy!”

SAM: This guy!

TALIESIN: How could you be angry at a horse, man?
It’s not like this is an evil horse.

LIAM: It’s Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski.

TALIESIN: It’s not that far off.

MATT: That finishes Clay’s turn. Keg, you’re up.

ASHLY: I’m still Hasted, yes?

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLY: Okay, great. So I’m going to smack Phil.

MATT: Go for it.

ASHLY: That is 18.

MATT: 18 definitely hits.

ASHLY: And nine?

MATT: Nine points of damage?

ASHLY: Yeah.

MATT: Phil is down. Whack up the side of the
head. Phil just crumples to the ground.

ASHLY: Sorry, Phil! I’m going to run. Can I catch
up to Nott?

LIAM and ASHLY: 50 feet of movement.

ASHLY: 50 feet of movement.

SAM: Did you see where I went?

LIAM: Bing bang bong bing bong bing bong!

MATT: (counting) You have ten more feet. You can’t
quite get to Nott, but there’s a laughing

barbarian on the ground.

ASHLY: I could dash, right?

LIAM: She’s on the ground, though, and she is out
of it so you could fucking Goodfellas the shit

out of that woman.

ASHLY: All right.

MATT: Up to you.

LIAM: Or whatever. Whatever you want.

ASHLY: Okay. Yeah yeah yeah. Oh, I feel bad! I was
kind of friends with her back in the day. Okay,

we’ll do it.

MATT: So the dwarf moves into there.

ASHLY: I teabag her for roughly 15 minutes and
then I– hastily. All right, here we go. Fuck.

SAM: I think you may get advantage because she’s
prone.

MATT: Yeah, it’s advantage on the attack.

ASHLY: Oh, okay, great. 11.

MATT: 11? No.

MARISHA: Is her AC down?

MATT: Nope. The first attack, you go to swing and
she rolls over from the laughter and just hit the

ground. The stone cracks from the impact.

ASHLY: So I have two more actions.

MATT: Yeah, because that was your second attack.
Then you have your extra attack, and then you have

a bonus attack.

SAM: Oh my god.

ASHLY: I’m Hasted, right?

MATT: That’s how you have an additional attack. So
you have two more attacks.

ASHLY: Try again. So 20?

MATT: 20 definitely hits.

SAM: Still advantage on the attack, right?

MATT: Yep.

TALIESIN: Roll again in case you crit.

ASHLY: Okay, no, 20, and then–

MATT: All right, roll damage on that.

ASHLY: Ten.

TALIESIN: Is it an auto–

MATT: She makes a saving throw.

TALIESIN: I mean is it advantage?

LIAM: It is advantage, but it’s not an auto crit.

MATT: What is the DC? She rolled a 14.

SAM: 14.

MATT: Yeah, that spell has faded.

SAM: Oh no. But you can still attack one more
time, right?

MATT: She’s still prone and you get another
attack, if you like.

ASHLY: Okay.

LIAM: Get that motherfucker. Get it get it, girl,
get it get it.

ASHLY: I don’t get advantage anymore, right?

MATT: You still have advantage, she’s still
prone.

ASHLY: Oh, she’s still prone, okay.

SAM: Fuck you!

ASHLY: 14?

MARISHA: Barbarian, 14?

MATT: 14 does not hit. It misses by one.

SAM: Those dice are terrible!

MATT: I’m sorry. However, you are just a
frightening display in front of her.

ASHLY: Now I’m going to action surge.

MARISHA: Ooh! Yaaas, girl, yaaas!

ASHLY: Shit! All right, 17!

MATT: That does hit.

ASHLY: Oh my god, Jesus Christ almighty. 11
damage.

MATT: 11 points of damage, all right. You have one
more attack from the action surge.

SAM: Another one?

ASHLY: Oh fuck yes, okay. Come on, baby. 20!

(cheering)

SAM: It took six attacks!

ASHLY: So what happens when I crit?

MATT: Roll your dice and double it.

ASHLY: Double the dice. So then that’s five–

MATT: That’s ten. Ten plus your modifier.

ASHLY: Ten plus my mod– 14.

MATT: 14 points of damage.

ASHLY: But then I roll–?

LIAM: What is it normally?

ASHLY: A 1d8 plus four.

MATT: You rolled a five, you double that to ten
and then add the four. So 14 damage on a single

hit. With that one final burst of interior
strength and adrenaline kicks in and you slam

twice into the body of Wohn on the ground, the
wind knocked out of her. Her eyes go wild for a

second before focusing on you, the anger and
hatred brewing in her face as her brow furrows.

That, I believe, is all you can do on your turn.

TALIESIN: Do you have a little bit more–?

ASHLY: I’ve got ten more feet of movement?
(laughing) Okay, I’m going to try to get away from

her. I’m going to go–

LIAM: Zip!

ASHLY: You know I’m going to go back.

SAM: Yeah!

SUMALEE: Love it!

MATT: She does get an attack of opportunity on
you, swinging from the ground towards you. She is

prone so she has disadvantage on the attack roll,
but she’s going to try. That’s going to be 14?

ASHLY: No, doesn’t hit.

MATT: Yeah. It clangs against the back of your
armor and you manage to get out of the way.

ASHLY: Whoa!

MATT: Top of the round is Beau!

MARISHA: Okay, where’s Nott? Nott’s over here?

MATT: Nott’s right there on the other side.

MARISHA: I’m going to run around.

SAM: I fire three crossbow bolts.

MARISHA: That was my 40 feet?

MATT: Oh, 40 feet sorry.

MARISHA: I have 40. No, I’m getting to Nott.

MATT: There you go, that’s your 40 feet.

MARISHA: I go– (laughing)

SAM: Hey girl!

MARISHA: Holy shit!

MATT: By the way, in the background still
(fireworks exploding).

MARISHA: I did that.

SAM: Have you been treating Caleb well?

MARISHA: What? Do you need to get to the thing? To
pick the lock?

SAM: Yeah I think it’s around that way? I don’t
know.

MARISHA: Okay! I think I know where it is. I scoop
up Nott.

SAM: (yells)

MATT: All right, you’re not quite against– you’re
ten feet from Nott right now.

MARISHA: Slap fight!

MATT: That’s your full movement. You have to use a
dash action if you wanted to try and you move at

half speed carrying Nott.

LIAM: There’s nobody to attack.

SAM: I have free will and I could follow you. Just
say, “Follow me.”

MARISHA: But then we have to wait until your turn.
Or I could just scoop you up and drag you a little

bit and go that direction!

MATT: What are you going to do?

MARISHA: I’m going to do that! I’m going to dash.

MATT: You dash. That’s five–

MARISHA: Come here!

SAM: (yells)

MATT: (counting) There you go. So you get Nott
about there.

SAM: Thanks.

MARISHA: I’m going to spend– do I want to do
this? Yeah, I’m going to spend a ki point to do

that thing that makes me move fast. Step of the
Wind, yes.

LIAM: Cocaine.

MATT: (counting) You manage to drag Nott to the
door.

MARISHA: Can I open the door? Is there enough
room?

MATT: It’s locked.

MARISHA: Locked. Okay, it’s through this door,
though!

SAM: How do you know?

MARISHA: Because I ran by it earlier.

SAM: Oh, okay.

MARISHA: I remember from Nila describing it. I
took really detailed notes.

MATT: Caleb.

LIAM: Oh, my turn?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Oh jeez louise. Okay, I’m going to move
forward, back towards where I see Nila in there.

MATT: Ten, 15, 20.

LIAM: That’s as far as I can go?

MATT: No, you can go two more steps if you want.

LIAM: I’m going to go towards Keg.

MATT: 30 right there.

LIAM: Yeah, and I may do nothing, but–

MATT: Damn, this new iPad is eating it on the
music.

SAM: What happened?

MATT: I think it’s just slow. The old one
disappeared and I have to get a new one.

SAM: Disappeared, like was stolen?

MATT: I can’t find the bag. It’s fine. Don’t worry
about it.

LIAM: DM, can I dance back and forth like this and
see what I can see through that doorway? Can I see

this one?

MATT: If you wanted to go there as opposed to
there, I’ll let you stand there. You can just

barely see somebody on the ground.

LIAM: Oh look, there’s somebody laughing and
giggling on the floor.

MATT: No longer laughing.

LIAM: Fire Bolt.

MATT: Go for it, roll for the attack with
disadvantage.

ASHLY: Big money!

LIAM: That is a 13.

MATT: Unfortunately strikes the stone ground and
bursts into fire. No effect.

LIAM: Done and done.

MATT: Ending Caleb’s turn. (Wohn screams). Runs
up, charging angrily, is going to reckless attack.

Is going to attack twice with her greataxe against
you with reckless, so it’s with advantage on both

attacks. The first attack is a natural 20. All
right, so that’s a natural 20 on the first one.

Second attack is a natural 19 plus seven. So yeah,
she hits you with both. First one’s a crit.

ASHLY: Jesus Christ all right.

MATT: That’s cocked. That is going to be 12 points
of slashing damage for the first hit. The

greatsword ends up striking across your chest, the
impact sending you back and Haste disappears.

ASHLY, MARISHA, and SUMALEE: No!

LIAM: Wait, why? What?

MARISHA: Because she has Yasha’s–

MATT: She has Yasha’s sword and dispelled it.

LIAM: (gasps) You motherfucker, Matthew Mercer. We
will have words about the rules that exist.

MATT: Then swings back with a second strike
towards you and impacts.

LIAM: Wow.

MATT: That’s going to be 13 points of slashing
damage. The second strike against you with the

greatsword, the flash of white energy, you see the
runes on the hilt suddenly spark and that

adrenaline in your body suddenly fades and your
body becomes super lethargic and you are stunned

for your next turn.

ASHLY: I’m stunned?!

MATT: The Haste has faded and your body is
drained.

LIAM: It’s dispelled, but the stun still happens?

MATT: As soon as Haste ends, your body–

LIAM: That’s some bullshit, Matthew.

MATT: That’s how it works, that’s the downside of
the spell, man!

LIAM: Whatever you say, but still that’s some
bullshit.

ASHLY: So I just can’t do anything on my next
turn.

MATT: Next turn you can’t do anything.

LIAM: Yeah, it’s wasted.

MATT: Nila, you’re up.

SUMALEE: Okay.

ASHLY: Oh man, I’m going to get rocked.

SAM: Don’t worry, you have a totally squishy
wizard standing behind you. He’ll protect you.

(laughter)

SUMALEE: That’s what I’m thinking. I’m thinking
yes, the wizard will protect Keg.

SAM and TALIESIN: Sure.

SUMALEE: I’ve got to go toward the trapdoor. Can
I go through that door?

MATT: Currently, you walk up and try the door.
It’s locked.

SUMALEE: I don’t have the strength to (grunts)?

MATT: Make a strength check. Roll a d20 and roll
your strength modifier.

MARISHA: Come on firbolg!

SUMALEE: 17?

MATT: Plus?

SUMALEE: Two!

MATT: Plus two? 19? You force your shoulder
against it and it doesn’t give. The feeling and

the sensation of knowing your family is nearby
surges in your body and you pull back a few more

steps and then charge in. With one aggressive
(yells), the door flips open. The actual handle

itself breaking and snapping on the wood.

ASHLY: It’s like a mom lifting a car.

MATT: Essentially. With a 19, that’s exactly what
it is. That door is now open and you step through

and join the rest of them.

SAM: (yells)

MARISHA: No, Nott, no!

SAM: (yelling) Do you know Pumat Sol?

(laughter)

SUMALEE: Can I still cast or can I do a bonus
thing?

MATT: You can do a bonus action thing, yes, but
your action has been used to break through the door.

SUMALEE: Okay. Now I’m going to protect the three
of us, at least the three of us for now. Unless I

get Caleb too with the bear spirit totem.

MATT: You could drop it there. As a matter of
fact, everybody except for Keg and Clay.

SUMALEE: Ten extra hit points, advantage on
strength checks.

MATT: Ten temporary hit points.

SUMALEE: Temporary hit points, advantage on
strength and saving throws.

TALIESIN: Is it anybody who steps into that field
now, or is it just whoever’s in the field when it drops?

MARISHA: Advantage on strength and what?

SUMALEE: Saving throws.

SAM: Wow.

LIAM: On all saving throws?

MATT: When the spirit appears, so you guys do not
get it, unfortunately.

TALIESIN: Okay, so you’re still fucked. Goddamn
it.

MATT: So ten temporary hit points to Caleb, Nila,
Nott, and Beau for the next minute.

LIAM: The hit points are phenomenal.

SUMALEE: I could’ve done the hawk because of what
happened with Molly I–

MARISHA: No, this is great. You’re great.

MATT: That ends Nila’s turn. Nott you’re up.

SAM: I’m going to try and pick this– is the door
locked? Did we try the door? Did you try the door?

MARISHA: I did.

MATT: The door is locked, yes.

SAM: Okay, I will Mage Hand pick the lock as a
bonus action.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Terrible, 13.

MATT: The Mage Hand doesn’t have the delicate
touch.

MARISHA: You have such bad luck with this.

SAM: I know. Action! I will also try to pick the
lock. Worse.

LIAM: Oh no! Come on!

MARISHA: This is how Molly died! You trying to
pick locks!

SAM: I know! I don’t know what’s wrong with me!

LIAM: Maybe if we offer Taliesin’s new character
in exchange for our lives, we can get out of this.

ASHLY: No one’s gotten attached to him yet,
right?

SUMALEE: I have! Nila has!

MATT: I kind of have, too.

TALIESIN: I can roll another one.

LIAM: You know you want to roll a halfling
sorcerer, come on!

MATT: So that’s your action and your bonus action.

ASHLY: I’m attached, too.

SAM: That’s all I can do, right? I can just move.

MATT: Yeah you can move, if you wish to.

SAM: There’s nowhere to move, so I’ll hang out by
the door, maybe try to tuck behind someone bigger

than me?

MATT: Okay. Clay, it’s you and the horses. What
are you doing?

TALIESIN: I’m going to run in the door.

MATT: 15, 20.

TALIESIN: Okay, that’s what I see? There’s an open
door. I’m going to the open door.

LIAM: We just destroyed the door.

MATT: 30. You’re so big, this was not designed for
his firbolg form.

TALIESIN: Hey, guys.

MATT: That’s your movement.

TALIESIN: I don’t see anything. I’m going to keep
running.

MATT: (counting) You walk into this chamber and
you see everybody else. You also see this weird

spectral bear spirit that seems to have apparated
in the center of this hallway that looks at you

and goes (bear growls).

TALIESIN: Hey. Can I see the barbarian through the
door?

MATT: You can! You glance over and take in the
scene. That’s your movement and your action.

TALIESIN: So I only have a bonus?

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: Hold on. I’m learning how this works. I
can cast Healing Word.

MATT: You can, yeah.

TALIESIN: On you.

SAM: Phil?

TALIESIN: Yeah! No, on you, of course. I see that
this is going down and I’m going to cast a quick

Healing Word. That’s–

MATT: A d4 plus your wisdom modifier.

TALIESIN: 1d4 plus my wisdom modifier.

SAM: A cleric who likes to heal? This is amazing.

TALIESIN: Six points immediately to you.

ASHLY: Okay, thank you.

LIAM and MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: That’s your turn?

TALIESIN: Yep, that’s everything I’ve got.

MATT: Keg, you’re up.

ASHLY: Well. Oh, I can–

MATT: You can’t do anything because you’re
stunned.

ASHLY: I’m stunned! Fuck, I forgot. Never mind!

MATT: That’s the end of your turn. Top of the
round, Beau.

MARISHA: Oh! Okay, it’s me.

LIAM: (singing) Welcome back.

MARISHA: Shit! What’s the quickest way through?
Can I get through everybody and go this way? Yeah,

I’m going to do that. Excuse, me. Sorry. Pardon
me. Excuse me.

MATT: You’re still 15 feet from Wohn.

MARISHA: Okay, can I step back a few feet? I don’t
want to go that full movement, maybe on top of the

table. Can I get on top of the table?

MATT: If you want to be on there instead, yeah.

MARISHA: That’s cool. I want to gauge it right
over Keg’s shoulders and throw two darts.

MATT: Okay, you’re going to attempt to ricochet
off of her armor. Go for it.

MARISHA: Over top of her shoulders to the giant
barbarian behind her? Hopefully?

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: Or ricochet, whatever’s the coolest.

MATT: I’m just embellishing for fun. Why not?

MARISHA: Yeah!

MATT: We’ll see if it works.

MARISHA: Okay, first one: 17?

MATT: 17 hits. Actually, you have an advantage,
technically, because she was doing reckless

attacks last turn.

MARISHA: 13 on the higher one. That’s a 20.

MATT: That hits. First one hits.

MARISHA: What do these do? These do a d8 damage?
These do monk or do these–?

MATT: These are the–

MARISHA: These are the– no, these still do 1d4,
right?

MATT: These are still darts, they’re modified
darts. You would need to get daggers or things

that are considered monk weapons to do additional
damage.

MARISHA: So the first one is crap. That’s five
damage.

MATT: Five damage. Second one, with advantage
still.

MARISHA: My second one. 21.

MATT: 21 hits. Roll damage.

MARISHA: Ooh, that’s better. Eight damage.

MATT: Five and eight. As you’re there, getting
your brain back in the space and the strength

returns to you. You look up at the time the
barbarian is pulling back for another round of

blows, the giant blade still crimson with your own
blood. These two serrated blade-like discs into

her chest from over your shoulders. You glance
over quickly and see Beau waving to you through

the doorway.

ASHLY: I don’t need to say it, but Keg is
aroused.

MATT: All righty, that finishes Beau’s turn.
Caleb, you’re up.

SAM: (singing) Lady boner!

MARISHA: I just give a wink.

SAM: Clang!

(laughter)

LIAM: Wow. I have a joke, I’m going to keep it in
my head. This is all going much worse than I

intended it to, so I am going to tug on the glove
and I’m going to slap it and send out three–

SAM: Is that the fly?

MARISHA: Fucking fly!

LIAM: Get him. Beauregard, you’re the monk.
Scorching Ray, three times on the barbarian. First

one is shit.

MATT: Well, technically, you don’t have advantage.
It’s advantage on melee attacks, not ranged

attacks, but it’s fine.

LIAM: Second is a 15. First is total shit, second
is a 15.

MATT: 15 hits.

LIAM: Third is better than that.

MATT: So two hits.

LIAM: That is eight for the first and eight for
the second.

MATT: Nice! Oof. That’ll be enough. How do you
want to do this, Caleb?

MARISHA: Yes!

LIAM: I have had very bad luck with people’s
skulls, so I am going to send the fire into her

thighs and legs and burn the bottom of her torso
and even the center of her being, her stomach, and

make it burn in upon itself and harden in
blackened crust.

SAM: Ugh!

MATT: She screams out in pain, the flesh itself
burning black instantly and cracking as she falls

to the ground screaming. The voice slowly thins
out into a faint (death rattle) before expiring.

Need you to make a wisdom saving throw, Caleb.

SAM: Wisdom saving– oh, because fire.

LIAM: That’s a 13.

MATT: 13. You take a moment, and push through, and
keep your wits about you.

LIAM: That’s the first time I did that. First time
I did not go into a state.

SAM: Wow.

LIAM: (breathing heavily)

MARISHA: Beau turns around to Caleb and goes:
Damn, Caleb.

MATT: The firecrackers have ended. Silence comes
over the fortress.

SAM: Nobody else is coming?

MATT: None that you see or hear.

LIAM: Stay alert. We’re not done here.

SAM: Go back to lock-a-pickin’?

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: I’m going to walk over to you and give
you some healing.

ASHLY: Oh, you are the best!

MATT: DC is getting higher with each.

SAM: 15.

MATT: Total of 15?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: It’s not going through. This is a very
intricate lock. It’s obviously protecting a lot.

SAM: Nila, I need you!

SUMALEE: Can I muscle my way through?

LIAM: Wait for me.

MATT: Make a strength check, if you want to. You
still have advantage on the strength checks

because you’re a bear for the time being.

MARISHA: Do it! Yes! Okay, one more. Do a second
one.

MATT: Roll it one more time.

MARISHA: That’s better?

SUMALEE: No.

MATT: The door is too strong. This one is actually
reinforced and seems to– knowing what it’s

hiding– designed to be the strongest door on this
floor.

LIAM: Nott, wait for me.

TALIESIN: 12 points to you.

SAM: Come, quickly!

ASHLY: I follow too.

SAM: Everyone stand back! Caleb’s going to do a
thing.

MARISHA: I’m going to watch this front door and
make sure no one else comes down the steps.

MATT: Over here?

MARISHA: No, here.

SAM: (stammering) Get the sword!

ASHLY: Oh, the sword? I’ll grab the sword, then.

MARISHA: Yeah, get the sword. Sword in the
haversack.

MATT: Grab the sword. You pull the sheath off her
back and slip it in the haversack.

TALIESIN: Anything else worth checking?

MARISHA: What?

LIAM: Attune to the sword.

MARISHA: No, I’m putting it in the haversack.

ASHLY: Before I leave, could I investigate–

MARISHA: It’s Yasha’s sword.

ASHLY: –to see if I see anything else worth
taking?

MATT: If you’d like to. It takes a moment for you
to rifle through her stuff.

ASHLY: I’ll do that. What is that check?

MATT: Investigation.

ASHLY: That’s a 14.

MATT: 14? Okay. You manage to find about 38 gold
pieces in the pouch that she keeps on her side.

You find another pouch that is a bunch of dried
meats that have been salted and smoked, like a

jerky. You also find another pack that has teeth
in it. Just a collection of teeth. Different

sizes, different ages.

ASHLY: No keys or anything like that?

MATT: No keys.

ASHLY: Okay.

TALIESIN: I’m going to start walking to any of the
dead bodies and– or the unconscious people who

are not technically dead yet.

MATT: They’ve bled out.

TALIESIN: Oh, they bled out? All right, I’m going
to start using Thaumaturgy to start cooking them

away in a big pile of mold and mushrooms.

SAM: Ugh! What the fuck is wrong with you?

SUMALEE: He’s just returning the bodies to their
natural state.

TALIESIN: Aw, it’s nice to have someone who really
understands. It’s the process.

SUMALEE: I understand.

SAM: Caleb!

LIAM: I will find Nott. Have you done everything
that you could here?

SAM: I’m sorry I couldn’t get it open. I tried,
and I made noise, and I should’ve drunk more, is

what I should’ve done.

LIAM: We all should’ve drunk more. It is no shame
on you. I place my hand on the trapdoor–

MATT: Not on the trapdoor, the door that leads
into it.

LIAM: The door is locked?

MATT: The door is locked, yeah.

LIAM: I place my hand on the door and I cast
Knock.

MATT: (click, creaking) The door opens.

SAM: He’s so amazing!

TALIESIN: Pretty good, yeah.

LIAM: I’m going to walk through and find that
trapdoor that I’ve already seen through Frumpkin’s eyes.

MATT: All right. You go to the trapdoor.

SAM: Is it open? You want me to check it for
traps?

LIAM: Yes, please.

SAM: All right. I’ll go check it for traps. That’s
a 28. No, 26.

MATT: 26? It is trapped.

SAM: There’s a trap!

MATT: From the underside of it.

LIAM: I back up about 15 feet out of this little
cubby.

MARISHA: From the underside.

SUMALEE: So if we open it, it will–

MARISHA: It’ll hurt them.

SAM: Back up everybody, out of the room, and I’ll
reach my mage hand around.

LIAM: A reach around.

SAM: A reach around. Give it a little tuggy with
the reach around. Just pull it. Pull it. Just tug

it until it explodes. Just reach around and tug it
until it explodes. Just keep on working it! Might

have to use the other hand for a while, that one’s
getting tired, Matt!

(laughter)

SAM: Wait for the explosion!

MATT: Roll for reach around.

(laughter)

SAM: What am I rolling?

MATT: This is still another thieves’ tools check,
so still plus seven.

SAM: Okay. 22 this time.

MATT: 22. That’ll do it.

SUMALEE: Explosion!

LIAM: Your mother watches this show, right?

MATT: You manage to just lift the trapdoor enough
to slide your hand underneath. There is a trigger

cable underneath that has been set into a hook.
Right before it pulls taut enough for it to snap,

you grab it, lift it up, put it onto a shoulder.
Using the cable, you pull it back until you find a

piece of rock off to the side and hook it to it to
where it maintains the tautness. You find another

metal ring that is designed specifically to hold
the trap when it’s not set. It does not go off.

The trapdoor opens, and there is a staircase that
descends to a lower floor.

SAM: See? Just easy as that.

LIAM: Is it open?

SAM: It’s open. Let’s go in.

LIAM: Open it. No. I hold up Frumpkin, I place him
on the edge of the trapdoor, and send him

scrambling under to look.

MATT: Okay. Make a perception check for Frumpkin.

MARISHA: I’m still watching this front area.

LIAM: 15.

MATT: 15? Okay. Frumpkin descends slowly down the
stairs. There’s a faint bit of torchlight in

there. You hear whimpering. A few voices faintly
whimpering. Inside the chamber– I can show you, actually.

SAM: Wait, what? No, you had the upstairs built,
Matt, you didn’t have the downstairs built. That

would be too much.

MATT: I’ll be right back.

(groaning)

SAM: Guys? D&D Beyond.

LIAM: We learned so much.

SAM: We’ve learned so much about– Hey Taliesin,
welcome back to the show!

TALIESIN: Thank you, it’s great to be back.

MARISHA: Will you show off your shirt? It’s a
little squishy.

TALIESIN: It’s a little squishy.

SAM: “New character, who dis?” Aw, that’s great!

LIAM: Last week, Taliesin was hanging like Tom
Cruise in a Mission: Impossible movie just above

the table waiting to drop in, and we all thought
it would happen near the end of the episode, but

it didn’t. It didn’t. How does it feel to finally
let that little bit of rope cut and be in the game again?

TALIESIN: I’ve got to say, it’s been a little
nerve wracking coming in as someone new. It’s very interesting.

LIAM: I like this guy.

TALIESIN: I like this guy, too.

MARISHA: I like this guy a lot.

ASHLY: He’s awesome.

SAM: His voice is sexy.

ASHLY: He had such a great intro.

LIAM: I like pink more than purple, if I can say.

TALIESIN: I like it all, so I’m a fan.

MARISHA: Do you really like pink more than purple?
Like, as a person?

LIAM: Yes.

MARISHA: I can’t tell if you’re lying to me or
not.

LIAM: I like pink a little more than purple.

TALIESIN: I was very happy with the pink mohawk.
It was a very good mohawk. It was black-light reactive.

ASHLY: Really?

SAM: Oh, Matt’s back!

MATT: So hi guys. Frumpkin slowly descends the
staircase, and you can see a rack that is bolted

into the wall that has chains hanging from it, a
few other sets of manacles, a few torture

implements: long metal things that are hooked at
the end, brands. There are a few spaces that are

currently empty where tools probably would
normally hang, and there is another door that

leads to a chamber beyond, and that’s where you
hear the whimpering coming from.

LIAM: What I don’t like about this is that the
asshole was sleeping upstairs and we don’t know

about that at all, but I send Frumpkin along the
ceiling and through– that looks like a barred gate.

MATT: As Frumpkin looks within, you can see
another chamber. You can see another hired figure,

at least the same cloaked individuals you had
encountered before, same attire, who is currently

sitting at the back, up against the wall, and is
looking in the direction of the door expectantly.

LIAM: I will attempt to send Frumpkin over his
head along the ceiling stealthily.

MATT: Make a stealth check for Frumpkin. Frumpkin
also noticed there is a cage in the corner that

contains two figures in there. Looks to be two
humanoid figures.

LIAM: Humanoid, that’s it?

MATT: With that perception roll and the low light,
it’s hard to tell. One appears to be larger, one

appears to be smaller.

SAM: Yasha and Jester,

LIAM: I’m going to keep going and you said roll–

MATT: Make a stealth check.

LIAM: Very good, that is a 19.

MATT: Okay. Unnoticing, he sits there waiting, arm
against the wall. Frumpkin slowly makes his way

through this hallway. It bends off on a corner
around the side. Frumpkin continues beyond and it

curves around another corner here. There is an
archway that leads into another room that has two

more cages that contain– each cage contains
another figure. The figures in there appear to be

slumped down and either unconscious or sleeping.

LIAM: Yeah, he pauses, he’s looking for green or
blue or goth.

MATT: Here?

LIAM: Ja.

MATT: You see Ruzza and Protto, two more members
of The Iron Shepherds that are currently waiting

there with their eyes towards the entryway
expectantly. It seems that they have been notified

of your presence.

SAM: How?

MATT: I don’t know, maybe the loud firecrackers
going off right above?

TALIESIN: What do they do, those two? What do
those two do?

SAM: They’re bad. One’s a magic person.

LIAM: So would Frumpkin be at the edge of that
gate?

MATT: Frumpkin would be here.

LIAM: I rolled a 19 last we checked and that was
20 seconds ago.

MATT: As they’re both standing there waiting,
Protto, the little halfling sharpshooter creep,

glances up and goes, takes his shortbow and–

LIAM: Do I see this?

MATT: Pulls it off his shoulder. Mm-hmm.

LIAM: (popping)

MATT: Yeah, that’s the last you see.

LIAM: There are more people down there. This is
the x-factor we spoke about.

MARISHA: How many?

LIAM: I saw two down there, correct?

ASHLY: Three, right?

MATT: One in that chamber and then two in there.

LIAM: Right, but I mean in that last room.

MATT: In that last room it was two.

LIAM: And I did not see Lazlo, so he could be
upstairs.

SAM: Lorenzo.

LIAM: No, it’s Lazlo, I’m pretty sure.

(laughter)

LIAM: I didn’t see el boogie down there so he
could be upstairs or downstairs, is what I’m saying.

SAM: But then you saw some prisoners?

ASHLY: Dwelma’s dead, we just beat the barbarian,
Protto and Ruzza are down there, that means

Lorenzo is upstairs, unless he’s–

SAM: Or somewhere.

LIAM: We do not know that. We know that there is
one random shithead and two more beyond that, and

I did not see Lorenzo or Lazlo or Larkin.

ASHLY: Lorenzo.

MARISHA: So he’s either still upstairs or deeper,
further.

LIAM: Yeah, he’s either behind us or down below.

MARISHA: Or he’s not here at all and he’s at the
bar that he likes to hang out at–

SAM: The Trench.

MARISHA: Called The Trench. Fuck you. So close, I
was almost there.

SUMALEE: What about prisoners?

LIAM: Ja, there were some people in cages, but I
did not get a good look at them through my

spider’s eyes.

SAM: We can’t close this door that Nila just
exploded, but we can put up some sort of person to

watch so some of us can go down there and snoop
around and maybe kill that one guard that you spotted.

LIAM: Here is what I think: We have a bit of a
bottleneck here at this trapdoor. If they want to

come up they have to deal with us, ja?

SAM: Yes.

LIAM: So if the majority of us wait at this trap
door and I send my spider upstairs to see what’s

going on, to see if our friend is up there, we can
learn about upstairs, and if anyone pokes their

head out of that door they’re going to lose it.

ASHLY: That seems like a good plan to me.

LIAM: Let’s keep figuring things out.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: All right. So are you sending Frumpkin
upstairs?

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: Any ideas, Mr. Clay?

TALIESIN: Well, I mean, could just ask him to open
the door. The ruckus has stopped and obviously,

somebody won this fight.

MARISHA: We have the trapdoor open though,
right?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SAM: But the gate down there?

TALIESIN: I can do that if you like.

MARISHA: How about, everyone get ready?

LIAM: Close it quietly, and if anyone has a look
around–

TALIESIN: I can just go down and ask. I was going
to mention, I do look like a guard right now.

MARISHA: You do. So do I. We still look like
guards.

TALIESIN: I’m grabbing a little muck, putting it
on my face, getting all– I could just go down if you like.

MARISHA: Why don’t we bring this guard up here to
us?

LIAM: Wait, it’s true, you look like one of the
guys upstairs, you could go down and tell them.

But, well, you are putting a lot on the line for
people you’ve just met tonight.

TALIESIN: Yeah, it’s okay.

LIAM: Yeah?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: Why don’t we handle this guard first, and
I go, here, lift up the gate. Lift up the trapdoor.

TALIESIN: I’m going to go down.

MARISHA: You’re going down?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: You don’t want to bring him up? Okay.

MATT: So you go ahead and descend the stairs into
this chamber.

LIAM: Simultaneously, Caleb will slap his hand
down on Keg’s shoulder and send Frumpkin on the

ceiling or on the first floor, towards the
stairwell at the front of the building.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: I’m going to go down with Clay, but just
at the stairs, since I also look like a guard.

MATT: Okay. So you stay at the stairs there,
Beau.

MARISHA: Yep.

MATT: All right. As you glance through, Clay, you
can see the faint light in here, you can see the

figure’s walking up to the cage, eyes still
trained on the door.

TALIESIN: I’m just tapping on the doors. All
clear. We got one, it’s Keg. We’ll handle it. I’m

going to head back upstairs.

MATT: Make a deception check.

TALIESIN: All right.

MARISHA: Does he have advantage?

MATT: No. It’s allowing him to do one–

TALIESIN: That’s cocked.

SAM: That was cocked.

MATT: I saw it.

TALIESIN: 18.

MATT: 18?

TALIESIN: I’m going to start heading back up.

MATT: “All right, I’ll get back to work.”

TALIESIN: We could use your help up here if you
got a second.

MATT: “I’m going to finish up.” As you turn around
and begin to ascend the stairs, you begin to hear

what sounds like a child beginning to scream.
(screams)

MARISHA: I tap on the bars with my staff, and I
go: Wait man, Phil, there’s something wrong with

Phil, I think he really needs our help. Fucking
Phil, am I right?

MATT: Make a deception check.

LIAM: Roll fucking high, Marisha.

MARISHA: I’m not gambling for torturing children.

LIAM: Oh my god.

(cheering)

MARISHA: 21!

SAM: Fucking Phil.

LIAM: Phil, am I right?

MATT: He pulls back. You can see there’s a heated
spike that’s orange at the tip that he pulls out

of the cage. He goes (growling).

TALIESIN: I’m going to head upstairs.

MARISHA: I hate it when Phil ruins torturing
hour.

MATT: He steps back towards the table at the back
and sets it down there, where you can see there are

other implements laid out. He comes back to the
cage and goes, “I’ll be back later,” and comes to

the door where you are.

MARISHA: I step to the side, let him unlock the
door.

TALIESIN: I’m heading up.

MATT: Opens the door.

TALIESIN: As I head up through the trapdoor, I’m
like, get ready everyone, just when he comes up,

and just walking a little way past.

MARISHA: I go: Just follow him.

MATT: Steps up the stairs, makes it up through the
hatch.

SAM: Everybody–

MARISHA: Go!

MATT: Everybody, make an ambush round. He was not
expecting that.

LIAM: Caleb is not here; he is in the spider.

MARISHA: First, you celebrate.

MATT: Oh, shit. Is this on your Shillelagh? What
are you doing with this?

SUMALEE: Yeah!

MATT: Okay.

ASHLY: 19.

SAM: 15.

LIAM: Spidering.

TALIESIN: Never done this before. 17 plus
something.

MATT: Yeah, you all hit. What are you doing?

MARISHA: Oh, I don’t think I hit.

MATT: Nah.

MARISHA: 12.

MATT: All right, roll your d8.

SUMALEE: d8 is–

MATT: Eight-sided.

SUMALEE: Six.

MATT: That’s 12 plus four, 16 points of damage.
Whack! Upside the head as he dizzies off from that

point, immediately going into Keg. Roll damage on
that one.

ASHLY: Six.

MATT: Six damage, and carved from the battle axe.

TALIESIN: Is it just a straight 1d6 plus nothing?

MATT: What are you using?

TALIESIN: I was using the staff.

MATT: It’s a 1d8.

TALIESIN: Oh, it’s 1d8.

MATT: Yeah, because it’s a quarterstaff.

TALIESIN: Eight.

MATT: Plus your strength modifier?

TALIESIN: Seven, because I have my strength
modifier– no, eight, just because I have no

strength modifier.

MATT: Crack! And then–

SAM: Is this a surprise?

MATT: It’s a sneak attack, yeah.

(gasping)

SAM: Seven plus six, 13, plus– I’ve been adding
wrong. 18.

MATT: Yeah, that’ll do it. He comes up and
immediately– and falls to the ground, barely

conscious, looking up, his face bloodied and the
crossbow bolt jammed into his shoulder and past

the rib and he’s having a hard time breathing.

TALIESIN: Oh, no. Just going to turn him into
mulch. That’s okay.

(laughter)

MATT: You watch as Clay, hushing as he just slowly
pushes his face in with his fist repeatedly.

TALIESIN: I’m going to drag him back. We got another
suit, if anyone wants one.

ASHLY: Well Nila, you can disguise yourself,
right?

NILA: Yes.

ASHLY: We could have two guards.

MATT: Caleb, what are you doing?

LIAM: Frumpkin is still climbing towards the
stairwell up and I am computing everything that

our druid friend told me about the stairs to see
if Big Man is asleep in his room.

MATT: So you coast around here–

SAM: All the maps!

TALIESIN and LIAM: (singing) So many maps!

MATT: Make your way through, down this hall, to
the bedroom where you had seen was Lorenzo’s room,

not present. Crawls over to the next bedroom, two
beds. Not present.

LIAM: I tell you what I’m going to do.

MARISHA: This fucker’s not here.

LIAM: I’m at the top of these stairs. Boy, it’s
hard to say because the map is gone, but I think

what I will do is I’ll drop out of Frumpkin for a
moment and I have 30 feet of movement, so I will

walk 25 feet towards those stairs.

MATT: Toward the stairs where Frumpkin was?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Yeah, towards the second floor.

MATT: All right. You’re at the base, essentially,
or near the staircase that leads up and out to

this space there.

LIAM: Oh wow. If I’m able, I will stand on my own
and go back into Frumpkin and wait because he is

far ahead of me, Frumpkin, and my friends are
mostly behind me, but I’m okay.

MATT: All right. What’s everybody else doing?

SAM: The gate’s open.

SUMALEE: I want to go down.

ASHLY: I feel like I want to stay with Caleb, in
case.

MATT: Okay, so Keg is staying up with Caleb.

ASHLY: Is that cool with you, Caleb?

SAM: I’ll go with you, Nila.

LIAM: I can’t hear anything.

MATT: Nila, you head down.

ASHLY: Well, I’m going to stand behind you, in
case.

LIAM: Oh, that’s great.

SUMALEE: Come join us.

TALIESIN: I’ll come down with you, that’s fine.

LIAM: Do I feel you next to me?

ASHLY: Yeah, maybe I’ll put my hand on you?

LIAM: Do I? If I feel the dwarf next to me, I
would use a free hand to jam some licorice back

into my mouth and start chewing furiously,
anxiously. I’m so scared of everything. And cast

Haste again, into the dwarf.

ASHLY: Tight.

MATT: Okay, so you have one minute before that
spell goes away.

LIAM: One minute, ja. I know. You are again on
methamphetamines.

ASHLY: Perfect.

MATT: Okay. As you enter this lower chamber, you
come in with a fair light. You look over on the

table and there are the implements there. You step
out and there is a moment where you touch your

foot to the ground, and something gives way. You
see a cable that was run through the ground

quickly whip up the air, and you glance up to see
heavy netting that contains a bunch of broken

brick and stone that falls down from the center of
the chamber. I need both Nott and Nila to make

dexterity saving throws, please.

SAM: We’re not still under the influence of any
sort of thing?

MATT: It only lasts a– nice.

SUMALEE: 21.

SAM: 11.

MATT: 11. That’s a failure on your point. That is
eight points of bludgeoning damage to you, four

points to you, as this pile of stone fills the
corner. You guys manage to step off to the side

and pull yourself out of the rubble, but you get
the sense now that this room is definitely trapped

and there is definitely an awareness within and
deeper of your presence. Nila, as you recover from

this, you glance up and see the cage in the corner
that you had passed when you first entered and you

see a hand hanging off one of the metal bars– a
tiny, familiar hand: a bit of fur that covers

and vanishing into the faint, grayish-blue tint of
what is Asar’s hand.

SUMALEE: I want to go to him, to touch him– but I
want to make sure that there’s nothing that is

going to trigger something else.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

SUMALEE: Oh! I’m so nervous! 19?

MATT and MARISHA: That’s cocked.

SUMALEE: (groans)

MARISHA: Yeah, sorry. It was almost good.

SUMALEE: Eight.

MATT: Plus?

SUMALEE: Plus my, which check?

MATT: Investigation.

SUMALEE: Nine– oh, no, minus one. Seven, shit.
Should I use my luck point now?

LIAM: No, your luck is dead.

MATT: No, she didn’t use it last time, she saved
it–

LIAM: Oh, you saved it! (inhales)

SUMALEE: I have to.

MATT: All right, go for it.

(groans)

LIAM: Oh, no! It’s a one!

SAM: Kid’s dead, let’s go home.

MATT: Well, you still pick the one you want to, so
you go with the previous one. You don’t have to pick

the one. Pretty sure that’s how the luck feat
works, right?

LIAM: That’s right. Whatever one you want.

MATT: From best you can tell, there is nothing; no
contraption adhered to the cage. It’s just a cage.

You come up close and look inside. You can see
Kitor, your partner, is slumped in the back of the

cage, unconscious. With what little bit of light is
in here as you focus– you have darkvision, so you

can see in his unconscious face he is still
breathing, but there are wounds and scrapes. You

look and see Asar, who is awake, who is currently
holding a burn puncture right in his abdomen. He

looks up to you, the sweat dripping down his face,
and goes, “Mama? Mama!” and leans up to the cage

and puts his hand over the outside of the bar and
reaches out for you with the other hand and

entwines his fingers. “Mama, you came.”

SUMALEE: I’m here. Mama’s here. I want to heal
them. Can I heal them?

MATT: If you have a heal spell, yeah.

SUMALEE: I have Healing Word.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: (quietly) I don’t like it.

MATT: What’s your healing word to your son?

SUMALEE: (quickly reading under breath)

MATT: What’s the word you say that heals him?

SUMALEE: Oh, what’s the word I say, I’m sorry.

MATT: What phrase? It’s up to you.

SUMALEE: Be well. Be well, my son.

MATT: Roll a d4.

MARISHA: That’s pretty good. It’s three.

SUMALEE: Three? Did that count?

MATT: Sure, I’ll let it. It’s all right.

MARISHA: Plus your wisdom modifier.

MATT: I think it’s a plus four? Yeah, okay.
Looking really hurt from whatever injuries he’s

sustained, you watch as the injuries slowly close
up and he breathes a little heartier again and

looks at you with a renewed smile, his hand still
entwining your fingers, and says, “Mama, I want to

“go home.”

SUMALEE: I’ll bring you home. We’re going to get
you out of here. I grab that cage and try to pull

it apart as much as I can.

SAM: Let me try to unlock it.

(laughing)

MATT: Well, make a strength check, just for the
hell of it. Because life gets weird.

MARISHA: While this is happening, can I come and
watch this corridor?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m going to come in the corridor
as well.

MARISHA: I’m going to suck up against this wall
and look to make sure no one is coming around that

hall while this is happening.

TALIESIN: Since I still look like a soldier, I’m
going to be willing to be a little visible on the corner.

MARISHA: Yeah, actually, we both look like
soldiers. We block this corridor, looking like soldiers.

MATT: Okay, you move into the corridor?

MARISHA: Just backs to that corridor in this
room.

MATT: Like this?

MARISHA: Yup, like we’re watching– guarding this
room together.

SUMALEE: Strength check, 19 plus two.

SAM: Wow.

MATT: You begin to (strains)– and you watch as
Nila’s arms pop with the muscles filling with

adrenaline and emotion as the metal bars bend ever
so slightly. Just enough to maybe fit Asar

through– not your mate. You pull them just enough
and you reach through and he pulls his way, and

you help him grab his shoulder, and slowly you
pull your son free from the cage and into your arms.

SUMALEE: (sobs) I hug him again. I want to go, I
want to run. I don’t know what to do. I look

inside and see if there’s any way that I can pull
further to get Kitor out too.

MATT: The bars have gone as far as they can go,
and you continue to pull, the emotion in there.

Your strength is waning from the physical exertion
of getting even that bit of the metal open.

SUMALEE: Can I heal him? I know he has powers to
help himself out of here if I heal him.

MATT: You can try, yeah.

SAM: While she does that, I’ll try to jimmy the
bent lock.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Yeah, that’s a one.

(laughing)

MATT: Sam!

MARISHA: You’re supposed to be good at this!

MATT: Buddy…

SAM: You ruined the fucking lock!

(laughter)

SAM: You bent it!

SUMALEE: You can’t blame the mother!

MATT: Roll for Healing Word.

TALIESIN: Just for my own giggles, I’m going to
cast Detect Magic really quickly, because this

place is giving me the creeps.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I have an auto-thing I can do
apparently, which is nuts.

MATT: I’m going to need a new iPad. This thing is
crashing and falling apart the whole night. Great job.

SAM: I’m going to look around for keys or
something. Just around the room.

MATT: All right. Make an investigation check.

SAM: That’s a one.

ASHLY: Oh my god. You need to use a new one.

MARISHA: Did you just roll two ones in a row?

MATT: Sam, we’re not making money for charity. You
can slow your roll here, buddy.

SAM: 826LA, guys!

SUMALEE: Do I roll this for–?

MATT: Yeah, to heal.

TALIESIN: I’m going to cast Detect Magic as a
racial trait, which apparently is a thing you can do.

SAM: Wow.

TALIESIN: Firbolgs are amazing.

SAM: Any magic?

MATT: In the immediate chamber?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Focusing on this, you don’t sense any
immediate magical auras within the chamber.

TALIESIN: All right. How about within 30 feet. Am
I getting a ping?

MATT: Nothing that you can see in the immediate
area, no.

SUMALEE: Five.

MATT: You watch as Kitor (rouses). One eye is
swollen shut, the other opens a bit, and you watch

as the swelling slowly goes away from that eye.
It’s still purple from the outside, but the

swelling has diminished from the healing effect of
your spell, and he looks up. “My mate.” He looks

down at his hands and looks out and sees that
Asar’s been freed, and he looks out at the strange

crew– looks towards both of you and (gasps).

SUMALEE: It’s okay, they’re safe. They came to
help. Can you get out?

MATT: “Help me.”

SUMALEE: How? Tell me.

MATT: He stands up in the cage; his hunched form
is crammed in by this cage that was not designed

for his firbolg body. Nevertheless, he reaches out
and grabs the bars where you had started. “On

"three: one, two, three– (strains).” He’s going to
go ahead and make a strength check with advantage.

That’s a natural 17… and a natural 19! I love it
when it works for the narrative!

(laughing)

MATT: That puts it over 20. Both of you together
(strains), and one of the bars comes off on one

side. He gets in quickly and puts his shoulder in
and pushes against the other, and that bends off

to the side, leaving just enough room for him to
push through. It takes a minute and you’re helping

him and grabbing his elbow, and the two of your
together– You feel something pop in his shoulder,

but it’s just enough to get his body to wedge out
of the space, and he comes back out of it and

embraces you– the other arm limply hanging at one
side, but he takes you in his hand. He looks down

at his son and looks over at the rest of you,
tired. Still, amongst the trauma he has suffered,

there is a pride and a silent strength to him–
very much similar to that you’ve seen in Nila. “I

do not know by what grace you’ve come to us, but
thank you.”

MARISHA: Well, we relied on your mate here.
Couldn’t have done it without her.

SAM: Yeah, she’s quite impressive.

MATT: “That she is,” and pets the back of your
head.

MARISHA: Now, if I was you, I’d run.

SUMALEE: What about your friends?

MARISHA: You have a child with you. You need to
get him out of here. He’s suffered enough. We’ve

got it from here.

SUMALEE: Thank you.

MARISHA: We wouldn’t have gotten this far without
you.

SUMALEE: Clay?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SUMALEE: We’ll go back to your temple. Will you
help these people– will you help these friends?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I like what’s happening here.
Here, come on. Give me a hug.

SUMALEE: Nila gives him a big hug.

TALIESIN: Some tea for the road. I’ve got a bit of
it left.

(laughing)

SAM: Is it already steeped, or is that just the–

TALIESIN: No, it’s just loose leaf.

SAM: Oh, okay.

TALIESIN: It’s not a bag. It’s just loose leaf.

MATT: Kitor picks up Asar and throws him over his
shoulder, now standing in his full form, just

below the ceiling of this chamber– taller, even,
than Clay. “Thank you. Let’s go home.”

TALIESIN: See you soon.

MARISHA: We’ll see you later.

SUMALEE: Oh, before I forget. Nila wears a
necklace of six red feathers. Four of these

feathers were people from my tribe who were taken:
one for Kitor, one for Asar, one for Duma, and one

for– oh, shoot. So emotional, but I know it–
Duma and Masag. Masag was one of our strongest.

They took him too, and Duma was the little one
that Jumnda mentioned. One feather was for me, for

leaving my tribe to find my family, and I took an
extra one because I thought I would find friends

who might help me. I will give it to you. I undo
the feather, pull it off; it’s a perfectly intact

red feather. I don’t know who will take it, but if
you ever need our help, you can come to the

temple. If, by chance, we’re not there– but only
because one of us would go back to check on the

others of our tribe– we’ll be in the Crispvale
Thicket. Just go where the moss is the thickest,

and I’ll be there. Thank you for everything. Thank
you so much.

MARISHA: We’ll find you again, Nila.

SUMALEE: Thank you. Let’s go.

MATT: “Good luck.”

SAM: Bye.

MATT: You watch as the three of them, given a
second chance at life and freedom, step through

the door where you entered and vanish up the
stairs, the heavy footfalls dissipating as they

grow further and further from you. The two of you,
who have been focusing– that point, the Haste

spell having coursed into your body– glance
behind and see as the family steps through the

kitchen door and exits. There’s only one path left
to find the others that were taken. And that’s

where we’ll leave tonight’s game.

SAM: (groans)

TALIESIN: This was the best.

SUMALEE: Thank you guys so much!

ASHLY: Sumalee!

MARISHA: Sumalee!

SUMALEE: You guys rock!

MATT: Thank you for playing with us!

SUMALEE: This was such an amazing experience.

MARISHA: One red Nila feather.

TALIESIN: (as “The Twelve Days of Christmas”) Five
gold coins!

LIAM: I have so much murder in my eye right now.

TALIESIN: I love this color, by the way, that
we’re getting right now. That’s lovely.

MATT: It’s a fun one, yeah.

ASHLY: That was beautiful.

MARISHA: That was so amazing!

SUMALEE: Thank you guys for having me!

TALIESIN: You were so much fun!

MATT: Thank you for coming. You were amazing.

SUMALEE: Thank you guys. This has been
mindblowingly fun. It’s so easy to get into with

all of you guys being so– embodying your
characters so well. It just is so easy.

MATT: It’s the best game. It’s the best game!

SUMALEE: I had so much fun. Oh my gosh.

MARISHA: You were the softness that we needed–

ASHLY: Desperately.

MARISHA: –in our group. Desperately.

LIAM: What do you mean?

MATT: Everything fits so well into place.

MARISHA: She was the Charmin bear, and we were
like… rocks? I don’t know, that’s all I got.

LIAM: Things are really bad in the Mighty Nein
when Nott is the soft member of the group.

MARISHA: That’s true!

MATT: Yeah. Aw, man, we get to pick up this next
phase at GenCon.

SAM: We’re going to be doing this live next time?

MATT: Apparently, yeah.

SAM: Holy moley.

MATT: This is where we got to. Oh man.

TALIESIN: Exciting!

MATT: Oh, boy, that’s going to be fun.

LIAM: See player characters killed live in
Indianapolis!

TALIESIN: Are you not entertained?!

SUMALEE: Seriously, thank you for introducing me
to this game. I mean it.

SAM: You were so great.

SUMALEE: Now I understand why people that I know
play this game–

LIAM: Sumalee. Sam and I were talking about
bullshit before the beginning of the game, and I

forget the context but he was talking about you
and I said, “No, she’s never played. She played

"one practice game before this,” and Sam’s brain
went (explosion).

SAM: You were so great, so confident, so much
great roleplaying. Amazing.

SUMALEE: I learned from you guys. I learned by
watching you! Yeah, I played one… what do you

call it, a one-off? It was a three hour one-off.

SAM: With Matt?

SUMALEE: No, a dear, dear friend of mine, Tom
Lommel, ran– he pulled in some friends so I would

have some sense, because I didn’t want to– he was
like, “Your first game is going to be on Critical

"Role? You need to come over and we’ll play one
practice round.”

MATT: No, you’ve been so great, thank you for
joining us, seriously. And for bringing a

character that I think all of us are absolutely in
love with.

SUMALEE: And now there’s a firbolg! I feel like
leaving–

SAM: Passing the torch.

MARISHA: Passing the torch!

MATT: Well. On that note, let’s go ahead and close
tonight’s game–

SUMALEE: Oh, was all that– that was all
recorded?

MARISHA: Yeah.

SUMALEE: Oh, we’re still on?

MATT: Yeah! No, we’re still on.

(laughter)

SUMALEE: I thought we were done!

MATT: No, we’re still going!

SAM: We’re still on the TV.

LIAM: No no no, we’re not. They cut the stream.
Tell us about your politics.

SUMALEE: I totally believed you. I was like “Oh,
wait, are we?”

MATT: Aw. Thank you so much for joining us; you’re
amazing. I’ve been wanting to have you on for a

while, so I’m glad we could make it work.

SUMALEE: Thank you so much.

MATT: A pleasure. We pick up this live at GenCon
next Friday, at 6:00pm Pacific, 9:00pm Eastern.

Super excited for that. Until then, guys, have a
wonderful week, we love you, and is it Thursday–

or Friday yet? Good night!

[no audio]

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