id,input,output,text,tes,element
2002_692908.txt,"     What to write about? I don't really know. Should I talk about my fears of not successeding in life. Of my fears of never finding the true some one. Or maybe about the sadness I feel when I think about my past four years in highschool. The friendships I made and my heart that got broken more than once. Or should I talk about my family. One of my little brothers that we have a connection that is so strong I miss him very much. Or maybe I should talk about the hopes of a good year. Or maybe I should just concentrate on my work here and forget about the emotional stuff, maybe that will help. I came here for a reason, to kae something out of myself and make alot of money because of it. I also came to prvoe and show off to people that I am some body. I don;'t really know what to say. My head keeps going back to the first person I let in my heart that ended up breaking it. Why I don't know I got over him but when you hear that he has a new girlfriend it just hurts. But then I think I must lose weight so when I go back I can make him regret it. But what do I care he is not even thinking about the future. I want to have a good job with alot of money, with a loving and faithful husband, and two great sons. I guess I want boys becasue I really never got along with any girls. Me and my sister really don't have that close of bond becasue she betrade my trust and I don't really know if we can ever have the same bond. However, I I do have a great connection with my cousin who is a sophmore in highschool she knows everything about, just like my mom. My mom knows everything about me too. People think that it is weird that I tell her everything, but I don't. I can't tell my father everything because he has this vision of me that I never ever want to disappoint him. He sees me as this smart girl who can do anything. I don't see it. I believe that I can make anything out of myself, but I don't know if I can actually do it. Is it going to be to hard? I really can't tell. My dad says he will love me even if I don't make it but he says it is nonsense to think that I won't I have to prove this to myself and family and my so called friends that I left behind. None of them have really kept that much in touch only like 2 or three. Am I being selfish to think that my friends can't even email me. But I am glad I left. Most of my friend were under class men in highschool becuase  the senior   friends   that I had were never really my friends I just hanged out with them once in a while and when ever i did I felt like such an outcast. I sometimes feel like that once in a while. But I guess everyone feels out of place once in their life. I think I just have to let go of my past and MOVE on. I have to start my life here make new friends. I haven't even made one yet. I have to break out of my quiet shell and just take the risk and try to meet people. This is my time to live on my own on my rules, I justgot to wake up and do it. I have to focus on all my goals and then just do it and after I do this I should look at the end of the tunnel and see my future the things I am destined to do. Hopefully they will be great and my life will have happiness and success. Now if my roomate will stop talking to me i could write more. Mut time is ending and I must leave now. ",Emotions: Ambition,"     What to write about? I don't really know. Should I talk about my fears of not successeding in life. Of my fears of never finding the true some one. Or maybe about the sadness I feel when I think about my past four years in highschool. The friendships I made and my heart that got broken more than once. Or should I talk about my family. One of my little brothers that we have a connection that is so strong I miss him very much. Or maybe I should talk about the hopes of a good year. Or maybe I should just concentrate on my work here and forget about the emotional stuff, maybe that will help. I came here for a reason, to kae something out of myself and make alot of money because of it. I also came to prvoe and show off to people that I am some body. I don;'t really know what to say. My head keeps going back to the first person I let in my heart that ended up breaking it. Why I don't know I got over him but when you hear that he has a new girlfriend it just hurts. But then I think I must lose weight so when I go back I can make him regret it. But what do I care he is not even thinking about the future. I want to have a good job with alot of money, with a loving and faithful husband, and two great sons. I guess I want boys becasue I really never got along with any girls. Me and my sister really don't have that close of bond becasue she betrade my trust and I don't really know if we can ever have the same bond. However, I I do have a great connection with my cousin who is a sophmore in highschool she knows everything about, just like my mom. My mom knows everything about me too. People think that it is weird that I tell her everything, but I don't. I can't tell my father everything because he has this vision of me that I never ever want to disappoint him. He sees me as this smart girl who can do anything. I don't see it. I believe that I can make anything out of myself, but I don't know if I can actually do it. Is it going to be to hard? I really can't tell. My dad says he will love me even if I don't make it but he says it is nonsense to think that I won't I have to prove this to myself and family and my so called friends that I left behind. None of them have really kept that much in touch only like 2 or three. Am I being selfish to think that my friends can't even email me. But I am glad I left. Most of my friend were under class men in highschool becuase  the senior   friends   that I had were never really my friends I just hanged out with them once in a while and when ever i did I felt like such an outcast. I sometimes feel like that once in a while. But I guess everyone feels out of place once in their life. I think I just have to let go of my past and MOVE on. I have to start my life here make new friends. I haven't even made one yet. I have to break out of my quiet shell and just take the risk and try to meet people. This is my time to live on my own on my rules, I justgot to wake up and do it. I have to focus on all my goals and then just do it and after I do this I should look at the end of the tunnel and see my future the things I am destined to do. Hopefully they will be great and my life will have happiness and success. Now if my roomate will stop talking to me i could write more. Mut time is ending and I must leave now. ",Emotions,Ambition
2003_505.txt,"I just woke up and I am feeling so drowsy. I just went to a belly dancing show yesterday and I am thinking about how fun it was. Man  that iranian guy at the club was so hot, I wish I could go up to him and talk to him, but I'm too scared. I feel like I'd be rejected in two seconds. He didn't even look at me, or did he? that dirty old arab guy was freaky though, he kept asking me to dance with him and that made me really uncomfortable. I am really really hungry, and the droning of the refrigerator isn't making the situation any better. I'm afraid to even open the refrigerator door because it smells so bad in there. We really need baking soda. I wonder if the chemistry test is going to be hard, I really hope I understand the difference between atoms and molecules and I don't completely blank out during the test. This assignment is really cool, it's helping me empty out everything in my head. it is extremely cold in here and I want to go talk to that guy on the second floor. He was such a nice person and I haven't really met any Iranians here. I hope the iranians in the ISACO club are nice and they aren't like all those fake iranian girls that dye their hair blonde and all have nose jobs and live at the mall. That reminds me of Bahareh, she was such a rude, mean stupid girl. She had no right in saying those things to me, and for some reason I can't get over it. I am thinking of Erfon, I wonder what happened to him, he reminds me of Kourosh, I hope he doesn't become afraid of me like kourosh did though. I wonder why Kourosh is acting like that? I haven't talked to him in a really long time, he shouldn't be intimidated by me! Anyway my hand is beginning to hurt and my pants are really loose on me I think if I lose any more weight they will fall off! UT's campus really makes you work out man, I wouldn't have even lifted a finger if I had gone to a college in Houston, but this school makes you work. I am taking a lot of science courses, and I hope I can handle it. I talk to God at night and I hope he hears me, I hope he helps me get through all my classes successfully, I mean, my parents expect me to get all A's. Dad said if I don't' come home with a 4. 0  GPA then I shouldn't even come home. That's not fair and how come they always compare me to Neema? It's not fair that I'm known as the not so good"" kid, even though I've never done anything BAD in  my life. I mean for God's sake I've never even gone on a date so why should they think I'm the ""BAD KID""? I guess it's because Neema gets along with mom so much better. I really wish I had a good relationship with mom, it sucks how we can't get along ever. She was right when she said yesterday that we can't stand each other for more than a few seconds a day. We just don't understand each other, she keeps lecturing me and it pisses me off. There is only so much one person can stand, you know? I can't take being lectured three hundred hours a day, it makes me sick, how would you like it if someone kept telling you bla bla don't do this bla bla don't do that. Dad is so much easier to get along with, although he has a temper like a mofo and he is stubborn as hell! He is such a kind gentle man, I love my dad, he works so hard for our family, I hope to repay him with success. I hope he lives forever, I hope they both live forever. My legs are beginning to hurt and there is a piece of hair that has fallen on my arm and it tickles me! For some reason, I woke up this morning and my hair was curly, it was the strangest thing, usually my hair is a giant nappy fro, but today it was pretty and silky. Ut isn't as humid as houston, and I'm glad. Dude I really miss Nasim, she is such an awesome person. I emailed her the other day, but she never ever checks her email. I wonder why I never call anyone! I feel so rude when people call me and tell me, ""uh how come you haven't called us that's so inconsiderate"" but I'm just not a phone person, I guess. I really should call people back and let them know I care, I think I get this aspect of my character from mom because she doesn't like calling people either. It's not that I don't like talking to my friends, it's just that I never think to call them. I will though, definitely, today I will call sogol and ponta and nasim. I will call stephanie and jennifer and batool. Well I'm sitting in a room that is covered with various books and study guides and it's all a bit overwhelming. I really hope I can handle everything, although, I seem to switch out of every class I think is too hard. which is really a dumb thing to do because it means I can't handle challenges. I really need to swallow my fear and just take risks. I would take risks although all my friends are grandmas and they are so cautious that I think it might be rubbing of on me too. I need to go find friends that don't mind driving around campus at 2 a. m. but I don't want friends that drink. What on earth is up with drinking? what is so great about it? There is no way in hell I'm going to drink. So many people have told me ""oh don't worry marjon, you'll start drinking when you get in college"" Uhhh no I'm not, I think I know myself better than anyone else knows me and I know I'm not going to drink. I don't even think I'm going to date, I'm so afraid of rejection. I've been rejected a million times before in my own head that I can't fathom going out and actually trying to get a date. I mean I don't really know if people reject me, I think I'm being paranoid when I say that, sometimes a flicker of someone's eye sparks me off and I think they don't like me. I guess that makes me kind of insecure, or paranoid. Sometimes I make too much of situations, I over analyze and I think that what was a casual gesture was a gesture of hate? I don't know what I'm getting at here, perhaps I am not a very good judge of character. Although if I weren't a good judge of character than I would have horrible friends. Like nasim, nasim's friends are absolutely terrible, they teach her bad things and they put holes in her brain. She is such a pretty girl I wish she had stray away from that stuff and start studying so that she can come to UT. Man if you have brains and beauty, that's a big plus in this world, everything in America is aesthetic, I've noticed that. People are more inclined to talk to you if you are pretty. People don't give a crap about you if you aren't pretty. It's so superficial and stupid. I wish people's inner beauty could shine through, because most of the really gorgeous girls aren't deep. they are like a pond they are so shallow. I think it is time to get up because my feet have both fallen asleep and I know when I stand they will burn like pin pricks in my fee ",Emotions: Guilt,"I just woke up and I am feeling so drowsy. I just went to a belly dancing show yesterday and I am thinking about how fun it was. Man  that iranian guy at the club was so hot, I wish I could go up to him and talk to him, but I'm too scared. I feel like I'd be rejected in two seconds. He didn't even look at me, or did he? that dirty old arab guy was freaky though, he kept asking me to dance with him and that made me really uncomfortable. I am really really hungry, and the droning of the refrigerator isn't making the situation any better. I'm afraid to even open the refrigerator door because it smells so bad in there. We really need baking soda. I wonder if the chemistry test is going to be hard, I really hope I understand the difference between atoms and molecules and I don't completely blank out during the test. This assignment is really cool, it's helping me empty out everything in my head. it is extremely cold in here and I want to go talk to that guy on the second floor. He was such a nice person and I haven't really met any Iranians here. I hope the iranians in the ISACO club are nice and they aren't like all those fake iranian girls that dye their hair blonde and all have nose jobs and live at the mall. That reminds me of Bahareh, she was such a rude, mean stupid girl. She had no right in saying those things to me, and for some reason I can't get over it. I am thinking of Erfon, I wonder what happened to him, he reminds me of Kourosh, I hope he doesn't become afraid of me like kourosh did though. I wonder why Kourosh is acting like that? I haven't talked to him in a really long time, he shouldn't be intimidated by me! Anyway my hand is beginning to hurt and my pants are really loose on me I think if I lose any more weight they will fall off! UT's campus really makes you work out man, I wouldn't have even lifted a finger if I had gone to a college in Houston, but this school makes you work. I am taking a lot of science courses, and I hope I can handle it. I talk to God at night and I hope he hears me, I hope he helps me get through all my classes successfully, I mean, my parents expect me to get all A's. Dad said if I don't' come home with a 4. 0  GPA then I shouldn't even come home. That's not fair and how come they always compare me to Neema? It's not fair that I'm known as the not so good"" kid, even though I've never done anything BAD in  my life. I mean for God's sake I've never even gone on a date so why should they think I'm the ""BAD KID""? I guess it's because Neema gets along with mom so much better. I really wish I had a good relationship with mom, it sucks how we can't get along ever. She was right when she said yesterday that we can't stand each other for more than a few seconds a day. We just don't understand each other, she keeps lecturing me and it pisses me off. There is only so much one person can stand, you know? I can't take being lectured three hundred hours a day, it makes me sick, how would you like it if someone kept telling you bla bla don't do this bla bla don't do that. Dad is so much easier to get along with, although he has a temper like a mofo and he is stubborn as hell! He is such a kind gentle man, I love my dad, he works so hard for our family, I hope to repay him with success. I hope he lives forever, I hope they both live forever. My legs are beginning to hurt and there is a piece of hair that has fallen on my arm and it tickles me! For some reason, I woke up this morning and my hair was curly, it was the strangest thing, usually my hair is a giant nappy fro, but today it was pretty and silky. Ut isn't as humid as houston, and I'm glad. Dude I really miss Nasim, she is such an awesome person. I emailed her the other day, but she never ever checks her email. I wonder why I never call anyone! I feel so rude when people call me and tell me, ""uh how come you haven't called us that's so inconsiderate"" but I'm just not a phone person, I guess. I really should call people back and let them know I care, I think I get this aspect of my character from mom because she doesn't like calling people either. It's not that I don't like talking to my friends, it's just that I never think to call them. I will though, definitely, today I will call sogol and ponta and nasim. I will call stephanie and jennifer and batool. Well I'm sitting in a room that is covered with various books and study guides and it's all a bit overwhelming. I really hope I can handle everything, although, I seem to switch out of every class I think is too hard. which is really a dumb thing to do because it means I can't handle challenges. I really need to swallow my fear and just take risks. I would take risks although all my friends are grandmas and they are so cautious that I think it might be rubbing of on me too. I need to go find friends that don't mind driving around campus at 2 a. m. but I don't want friends that drink. What on earth is up with drinking? what is so great about it? There is no way in hell I'm going to drink. So many people have told me ""oh don't worry marjon, you'll start drinking when you get in college"" Uhhh no I'm not, I think I know myself better than anyone else knows me and I know I'm not going to drink. I don't even think I'm going to date, I'm so afraid of rejection. I've been rejected a million times before in my own head that I can't fathom going out and actually trying to get a date. I mean I don't really know if people reject me, I think I'm being paranoid when I say that, sometimes a flicker of someone's eye sparks me off and I think they don't like me. I guess that makes me kind of insecure, or paranoid. Sometimes I make too much of situations, I over analyze and I think that what was a casual gesture was a gesture of hate? I don't know what I'm getting at here, perhaps I am not a very good judge of character. Although if I weren't a good judge of character than I would have horrible friends. Like nasim, nasim's friends are absolutely terrible, they teach her bad things and they put holes in her brain. She is such a pretty girl I wish she had stray away from that stuff and start studying so that she can come to UT. Man if you have brains and beauty, that's a big plus in this world, everything in America is aesthetic, I've noticed that. People are more inclined to talk to you if you are pretty. People don't give a crap about you if you aren't pretty. It's so superficial and stupid. I wish people's inner beauty could shine through, because most of the really gorgeous girls aren't deep. they are like a pond they are so shallow. I think it is time to get up because my feet have both fallen asleep and I know when I stand they will burn like pin pricks in my fee ",Emotions,Guilt
2002_692908.txt,"     What to write about? I don't really know. Should I talk about my fears of not successeding in life. Of my fears of never finding the true some one. Or maybe about the sadness I feel when I think about my past four years in highschool. The friendships I made and my heart that got broken more than once. Or should I talk about my family. One of my little brothers that we have a connection that is so strong I miss him very much. Or maybe I should talk about the hopes of a good year. Or maybe I should just concentrate on my work here and forget about the emotional stuff, maybe that will help. I came here for a reason, to kae something out of myself and make alot of money because of it. I also came to prvoe and show off to people that I am some body. I don;'t really know what to say. My head keeps going back to the first person I let in my heart that ended up breaking it. Why I don't know I got over him but when you hear that he has a new girlfriend it just hurts. But then I think I must lose weight so when I go back I can make him regret it. But what do I care he is not even thinking about the future. I want to have a good job with alot of money, with a loving and faithful husband, and two great sons. I guess I want boys becasue I really never got along with any girls. Me and my sister really don't have that close of bond becasue she betrade my trust and I don't really know if we can ever have the same bond. However, I I do have a great connection with my cousin who is a sophmore in highschool she knows everything about, just like my mom. My mom knows everything about me too. People think that it is weird that I tell her everything, but I don't. I can't tell my father everything because he has this vision of me that I never ever want to disappoint him. He sees me as this smart girl who can do anything. I don't see it. I believe that I can make anything out of myself, but I don't know if I can actually do it. Is it going to be to hard? I really can't tell. My dad says he will love me even if I don't make it but he says it is nonsense to think that I won't I have to prove this to myself and family and my so called friends that I left behind. None of them have really kept that much in touch only like 2 or three. Am I being selfish to think that my friends can't even email me. But I am glad I left. Most of my friend were under class men in highschool becuase  the senior   friends   that I had were never really my friends I just hanged out with them once in a while and when ever i did I felt like such an outcast. I sometimes feel like that once in a while. But I guess everyone feels out of place once in their life. I think I just have to let go of my past and MOVE on. I have to start my life here make new friends. I haven't even made one yet. I have to break out of my quiet shell and just take the risk and try to meet people. This is my time to live on my own on my rules, I justgot to wake up and do it. I have to focus on all my goals and then just do it and after I do this I should look at the end of the tunnel and see my future the things I am destined to do. Hopefully they will be great and my life will have happiness and success. Now if my roomate will stop talking to me i could write more. Mut time is ending and I must leave now. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"     What to write about? I don't really know. Should I talk about my fears of not successeding in life. Of my fears of never finding the true some one. Or maybe about the sadness I feel when I think about my past four years in highschool. The friendships I made and my heart that got broken more than once. Or should I talk about my family. One of my little brothers that we have a connection that is so strong I miss him very much. Or maybe I should talk about the hopes of a good year. Or maybe I should just concentrate on my work here and forget about the emotional stuff, maybe that will help. I came here for a reason, to kae something out of myself and make alot of money because of it. I also came to prvoe and show off to people that I am some body. I don;'t really know what to say. My head keeps going back to the first person I let in my heart that ended up breaking it. Why I don't know I got over him but when you hear that he has a new girlfriend it just hurts. But then I think I must lose weight so when I go back I can make him regret it. But what do I care he is not even thinking about the future. I want to have a good job with alot of money, with a loving and faithful husband, and two great sons. I guess I want boys becasue I really never got along with any girls. Me and my sister really don't have that close of bond becasue she betrade my trust and I don't really know if we can ever have the same bond. However, I I do have a great connection with my cousin who is a sophmore in highschool she knows everything about, just like my mom. My mom knows everything about me too. People think that it is weird that I tell her everything, but I don't. I can't tell my father everything because he has this vision of me that I never ever want to disappoint him. He sees me as this smart girl who can do anything. I don't see it. I believe that I can make anything out of myself, but I don't know if I can actually do it. Is it going to be to hard? I really can't tell. My dad says he will love me even if I don't make it but he says it is nonsense to think that I won't I have to prove this to myself and family and my so called friends that I left behind. None of them have really kept that much in touch only like 2 or three. Am I being selfish to think that my friends can't even email me. But I am glad I left. Most of my friend were under class men in highschool becuase  the senior   friends   that I had were never really my friends I just hanged out with them once in a while and when ever i did I felt like such an outcast. I sometimes feel like that once in a while. But I guess everyone feels out of place once in their life. I think I just have to let go of my past and MOVE on. I have to start my life here make new friends. I haven't even made one yet. I have to break out of my quiet shell and just take the risk and try to meet people. This is my time to live on my own on my rules, I justgot to wake up and do it. I have to focus on all my goals and then just do it and after I do this I should look at the end of the tunnel and see my future the things I am destined to do. Hopefully they will be great and my life will have happiness and success. Now if my roomate will stop talking to me i could write more. Mut time is ending and I must leave now. ",Emotions,Anxiety
1999_510014.txt,"In Phl 304 we've been talking about Kant and Deintology, which leads me to a question:why am a writing this; is schoolwork a hypothetical or categorical imparitive? Do I really care what the about the answer to that question? No. I'm just picking my brain. Frustration is undoubtedly a major hinderance to my well being. Why didn't the tab button work when I pressed it? Heplessness is abundant in my brain when it comes to computers. Thinking of the word helpless reminds me of that CSN&Y song. They're such a great group- but not as great as Buffalo Springfield- their predecessor. Whatever. That's the word that runs through my head most often these days. I really wonder whether it matters what I write in this assignment. Who in this beauracracy of a University is actually going to read this? I doubt much if it would matter if I just wrote something like ""I enjoy carrots"" over and over again. Whatever. There's that word again. Every time that you ask for more, its the sound that makes the colors go blind, and everything comes in three's, but your face shows 2-lost in a watershed-way out of tune. Got that? I doubt it, in fact I doubt you made it this far. Lack of patience most likely. Patience is a very admirable quality. I wish I had more of it. In fact, ever since I arrived here my patience has been raped, but I'll get more into that in writing assignment #2. believe it or not, its been 20 minutes, and though this ""stream of consciousness"" seems to be more about this assignment than anything else, I am just articulating what is on my mind. I guess that doesn't really matter if this isn't being graded. Since I know no one will read this I may as well confess that my dog, Skeezy and my friend Chico spend most nights defecating on all the wombats in the toilet, but that doesn't really bother me. What bothers me is that Chico also likes to slap a alligators to death with a certain part of his anatomy. This really seems to impress Iranian supermodels. Go figure. ",Emotions: Helplessness,"In Phl 304 we've been talking about Kant and Deintology, which leads me to a question:why am a writing this; is schoolwork a hypothetical or categorical imparitive? Do I really care what the about the answer to that question? No. I'm just picking my brain. Frustration is undoubtedly a major hinderance to my well being. Why didn't the tab button work when I pressed it? Heplessness is abundant in my brain when it comes to computers. Thinking of the word helpless reminds me of that CSN&Y song. They're such a great group- but not as great as Buffalo Springfield- their predecessor. Whatever. That's the word that runs through my head most often these days. I really wonder whether it matters what I write in this assignment. Who in this beauracracy of a University is actually going to read this? I doubt much if it would matter if I just wrote something like ""I enjoy carrots"" over and over again. Whatever. There's that word again. Every time that you ask for more, its the sound that makes the colors go blind, and everything comes in three's, but your face shows 2-lost in a watershed-way out of tune. Got that? I doubt it, in fact I doubt you made it this far. Lack of patience most likely. Patience is a very admirable quality. I wish I had more of it. In fact, ever since I arrived here my patience has been raped, but I'll get more into that in writing assignment #2. believe it or not, its been 20 minutes, and though this ""stream of consciousness"" seems to be more about this assignment than anything else, I am just articulating what is on my mind. I guess that doesn't really matter if this isn't being graded. Since I know no one will read this I may as well confess that my dog, Skeezy and my friend Chico spend most nights defecating on all the wombats in the toilet, but that doesn't really bother me. What bothers me is that Chico also likes to slap a alligators to death with a certain part of his anatomy. This really seems to impress Iranian supermodels. Go figure. ",Emotions,Helplessness
2000_036354.txt,"I have been asked to do this psychology assignment of writing down my train of thoughts and feelings for twenty minutes with out stopping. So far that was my first train of thought  I know it's a boring intro sentence, but yet I'm not allowed to stop and think of how to write more eloquently. I guess that leads me to my next thought  school. This is my first semester at college and there is so much going on. When you asked to write down our stress factor on a scale of 17, I believe I might have marked an 8. There are so many things that are going on, and I want to be able to organize everything in time slots. The only thing is that they keep giving me stuff to do. I suppose you would define ""they"" as professors with homework and S. I meetings, which I really want to attend. Then I had my first sorority meeting last night, and they have so much in store for us this semester. I suppose I should tell you that I love going home  not to see my family (will, sort of that too  you got to love mom and dad!), but I have boyfriend back at Houston. I was planning on going home all these weekends, but it turns out that I have something I have to do that is mandatory on almost every weekend. This boyfriend of mine is totally worth the trouble and stress of going home. I have had the most amazing summer with him just hanging out and doing fun activities. He makes me feel ten times happier when I'm around him and it's just really hard not having him here to help me adjust into this new life style. I do however, talk to him everyday and write him letters. The first week I arrived in Austin, I can honestly say that it sucked because rush drained a lot out of me and then we had to start school with no breaks from rush week. I thought I would be able to adjust better in this big place, because I consider myself an easy going friendly person. There is just so much that is consuming my life right now that I hardly have time to stop and think about what I need to do. I love exercising and used to do it everyday, and now I haven't had time to do any of that this past week because of school. I just hate this time in my life right now when everything is so jumbled up in my brain. I can't wait for the day when I have everything organized and I don't feel too constrained to one aspect of my life. I also hate this time because you don't really know anybody. True, I've met people and they are all really nice, but I haven't gotten to that stage when you can say anything to them and not look stupid. I am really glad that I did join the sorority just so I can meet people, but there are 60 people that I can meet and that's just too much for me to build strong friendships all at once. I do have some friends from back home, but I hardly have time to visit with them because I'm so consumed with everything else. I just need to sit down and relax. I did go home for Labor Day to visit my boyfriend, and that was exactly what I needed  just to hang out with someone who knows you so well. We did basically nothing and it was great not having to worry about anything. That weekend I think was somewhat a turning point in my attitude of college. It just made me realize that it is harder than I thought (adjusting wise) but everything turns out okay in the end. Plus I was happy to know that I do have somebody who loves me just as much as I love him; and that when I'm missing him, he's thinking about me too. I guess it just made me feel not so lost in college knowing that I have a great person back home supporting me every step of the way. Okay, twenty minutes are up. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I have been asked to do this psychology assignment of writing down my train of thoughts and feelings for twenty minutes with out stopping. So far that was my first train of thought  I know it's a boring intro sentence, but yet I'm not allowed to stop and think of how to write more eloquently. I guess that leads me to my next thought  school. This is my first semester at college and there is so much going on. When you asked to write down our stress factor on a scale of 17, I believe I might have marked an 8. There are so many things that are going on, and I want to be able to organize everything in time slots. The only thing is that they keep giving me stuff to do. I suppose you would define ""they"" as professors with homework and S. I meetings, which I really want to attend. Then I had my first sorority meeting last night, and they have so much in store for us this semester. I suppose I should tell you that I love going home  not to see my family (will, sort of that too  you got to love mom and dad!), but I have boyfriend back at Houston. I was planning on going home all these weekends, but it turns out that I have something I have to do that is mandatory on almost every weekend. This boyfriend of mine is totally worth the trouble and stress of going home. I have had the most amazing summer with him just hanging out and doing fun activities. He makes me feel ten times happier when I'm around him and it's just really hard not having him here to help me adjust into this new life style. I do however, talk to him everyday and write him letters. The first week I arrived in Austin, I can honestly say that it sucked because rush drained a lot out of me and then we had to start school with no breaks from rush week. I thought I would be able to adjust better in this big place, because I consider myself an easy going friendly person. There is just so much that is consuming my life right now that I hardly have time to stop and think about what I need to do. I love exercising and used to do it everyday, and now I haven't had time to do any of that this past week because of school. I just hate this time in my life right now when everything is so jumbled up in my brain. I can't wait for the day when I have everything organized and I don't feel too constrained to one aspect of my life. I also hate this time because you don't really know anybody. True, I've met people and they are all really nice, but I haven't gotten to that stage when you can say anything to them and not look stupid. I am really glad that I did join the sorority just so I can meet people, but there are 60 people that I can meet and that's just too much for me to build strong friendships all at once. I do have some friends from back home, but I hardly have time to visit with them because I'm so consumed with everything else. I just need to sit down and relax. I did go home for Labor Day to visit my boyfriend, and that was exactly what I needed  just to hang out with someone who knows you so well. We did basically nothing and it was great not having to worry about anything. That weekend I think was somewhat a turning point in my attitude of college. It just made me realize that it is harder than I thought (adjusting wise) but everything turns out okay in the end. Plus I was happy to know that I do have somebody who loves me just as much as I love him; and that when I'm missing him, he's thinking about me too. I guess it just made me feel not so lost in college knowing that I have a great person back home supporting me every step of the way. Okay, twenty minutes are up. ",Emotions,Anxiety
2003_511.txt,"how to begin, I have started writing my stream of consciousness paper and now I'm trying to think its hard to think when your are asked to think about thought or your own thought why I feel this is a strange assignment o well I don't smell much right now but I hear the tv which I fixed last night I did a pretty good job even though I still have an extra screw left I'm watching scooby doo its very funny to watch now the commercials are on which I hate its 3 11 tonight I'm going out to eat and to the book store with my friends and maybe to an art museum I'm glad I get to get off campus the football game and weekend start tomorrow I'm excited to see the texas arkansas game as the season progresses the competition will become harder the band is a neat experience I have always liked marching and now I get to do it for a very widely known organization its a lot of fun I have only been typing for 3 minutes this is going to be a long 20 minutes there is nothing I can do to make it go by quicker even if I type slower, no I'm trying to find something else to think about, so I am disrupting my stream which is ironic that I have not really because I'm on a new one and recording it right now which is even more ironic and it will never end . until now. so her ei am looking for my new stream and hoping this assignment will be over soon so I can start my weekend and maybe get some food I'm very hungry now  I have not eaten all day and I'm hungry now I need to get some food, maybe ill get some chick fil a or taco cabana or some kind of fast food most likely seems like that and cafeteria food is all I eat lately its not a very good realization drew just walked in the door he is my roommate he just asked how I watch scooby doo its so mundane"" he uses vocabulary to impress people and I just wrote it in my paper to impress people. very ironic as well john ridder died today he is the star on threes company and 8 simple rules and he died on set suddenly its a weird thing I would like to live a long life and maybe die suddenly tho and not have to know I'm dying although I'm not afraid to die I feel I have a place to go though, my afterlife is set many people here don't believe in God and I don't know why it seems to me to be the only answer we have not even figured out the human brain and we dare to declare that there is no being beyond our comprehension we can be a very proud society for a people that can't stop murdering and slaughtering each other anyways I have been trying to help people understand that Christ came to give love and to break us away from sin not to tell us how to live I guess that makes me intolerant many people here feel that me showing what I believe is imposing my culture on them which I guess could be true but I'm not trying to break them from their traditions I'm just trying to . my roommate just started talking, ""arafat refuses to leave, and the USA is blatantly pro-israel. ""no, if the us was blatantly pro-israel world war three begins. I stopped following the conversation with california governors my roommates friend is here now and they are arguing politics, current affairs, the such, . scooby doo caught the bad guy, I'm satisfied now, man my fingers hurt and this writing is getting very tiring I wish I could be done now but I have to keep writing they are talking about proposition 12 now bla bla its very hard to concentrate on two things at once but I guess that is what college is about my physics homework is next to me I'm very glad I am understanding most of it I was proud of myself today because I finished most of my hw which is due next monday we have an exam in two weeks and I think I will do very well I also have an exam in this class and I'm very not prepared hopefully I can sit down and read through the text we will have to have read thus far and begin to see what this class will teach me I also remember that I have to do some experiment hours for this class hopefully I will have some free time in the weekend ahead to do some of them  I am beginning to smell food man I am so hungry I'm not thinking about much now because I am so focused on how hungry I am and what I would like to eat yet I'm thinking about thinking about what I want to eat and so forth. this assignment is very weird because you can't have people record what they think because now they are thinking about it so its in a way rigged and it will always be there is now way like this to have people understand how they think because whenever they think about it the point is gone, the twilight zone is on now I love that show me and drew are collecting the videos of them we have 12 episodes now and they are all classic ones the shows are not only always very ironic but they have social issues of the time in them which is very good, I like them, I have seen a lot of movies lately maybe because that is the easiest way to divert myself, its weird how humans always need diversion and now when I can't even write my thoughts I have to divert myself by talking about diversion man I can't wait to see what heaven has to offer, soon enough, only 20 seconds left now I can't wait till heaven its almost here three two one z         ",Emotions: Excitement,"how to begin, I have started writing my stream of consciousness paper and now I'm trying to think its hard to think when your are asked to think about thought or your own thought why I feel this is a strange assignment o well I don't smell much right now but I hear the tv which I fixed last night I did a pretty good job even though I still have an extra screw left I'm watching scooby doo its very funny to watch now the commercials are on which I hate its 3 11 tonight I'm going out to eat and to the book store with my friends and maybe to an art museum I'm glad I get to get off campus the football game and weekend start tomorrow I'm excited to see the texas arkansas game as the season progresses the competition will become harder the band is a neat experience I have always liked marching and now I get to do it for a very widely known organization its a lot of fun I have only been typing for 3 minutes this is going to be a long 20 minutes there is nothing I can do to make it go by quicker even if I type slower, no I'm trying to find something else to think about, so I am disrupting my stream which is ironic that I have not really because I'm on a new one and recording it right now which is even more ironic and it will never end . until now. so her ei am looking for my new stream and hoping this assignment will be over soon so I can start my weekend and maybe get some food I'm very hungry now  I have not eaten all day and I'm hungry now I need to get some food, maybe ill get some chick fil a or taco cabana or some kind of fast food most likely seems like that and cafeteria food is all I eat lately its not a very good realization drew just walked in the door he is my roommate he just asked how I watch scooby doo its so mundane"" he uses vocabulary to impress people and I just wrote it in my paper to impress people. very ironic as well john ridder died today he is the star on threes company and 8 simple rules and he died on set suddenly its a weird thing I would like to live a long life and maybe die suddenly tho and not have to know I'm dying although I'm not afraid to die I feel I have a place to go though, my afterlife is set many people here don't believe in God and I don't know why it seems to me to be the only answer we have not even figured out the human brain and we dare to declare that there is no being beyond our comprehension we can be a very proud society for a people that can't stop murdering and slaughtering each other anyways I have been trying to help people understand that Christ came to give love and to break us away from sin not to tell us how to live I guess that makes me intolerant many people here feel that me showing what I believe is imposing my culture on them which I guess could be true but I'm not trying to break them from their traditions I'm just trying to . my roommate just started talking, ""arafat refuses to leave, and the USA is blatantly pro-israel. ""no, if the us was blatantly pro-israel world war three begins. I stopped following the conversation with california governors my roommates friend is here now and they are arguing politics, current affairs, the such, . scooby doo caught the bad guy, I'm satisfied now, man my fingers hurt and this writing is getting very tiring I wish I could be done now but I have to keep writing they are talking about proposition 12 now bla bla its very hard to concentrate on two things at once but I guess that is what college is about my physics homework is next to me I'm very glad I am understanding most of it I was proud of myself today because I finished most of my hw which is due next monday we have an exam in two weeks and I think I will do very well I also have an exam in this class and I'm very not prepared hopefully I can sit down and read through the text we will have to have read thus far and begin to see what this class will teach me I also remember that I have to do some experiment hours for this class hopefully I will have some free time in the weekend ahead to do some of them  I am beginning to smell food man I am so hungry I'm not thinking about much now because I am so focused on how hungry I am and what I would like to eat yet I'm thinking about thinking about what I want to eat and so forth. this assignment is very weird because you can't have people record what they think because now they are thinking about it so its in a way rigged and it will always be there is now way like this to have people understand how they think because whenever they think about it the point is gone, the twilight zone is on now I love that show me and drew are collecting the videos of them we have 12 episodes now and they are all classic ones the shows are not only always very ironic but they have social issues of the time in them which is very good, I like them, I have seen a lot of movies lately maybe because that is the easiest way to divert myself, its weird how humans always need diversion and now when I can't even write my thoughts I have to divert myself by talking about diversion man I can't wait to see what heaven has to offer, soon enough, only 20 seconds left now I can't wait till heaven its almost here three two one z         ",Emotions,Excitement
2002_673493.txt,"     So I started my college life about two weeks ago. It has all gone pretty much as to what I had expected it to be like. I live in University Towers which is an off campus dorm and I have met tons of new people. I live with four girls whom I didnt know when I first started school. Some older people at the University set us up. I really like the fact that we are all starting new with each other. We get to experience our new life together. We get along great and do everything together. I am also really enjoying the fact that I get to make all my decisions on my own. Not having parents around all the time has its up's and it's downs. I mean I don't have someone annoying me all the time about finishing my work I have to realize when it has to be turned in and different deadlines for tests and projects. I have however found it kind of difficult to really take on a full schedule and truly realize everything that has to be taken care of in one full day. I have noticed that there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything completly finished. With homework, reading, running errands and outside activites there is so much to do with so little time. My roomate and I have had grown very close over the past two weeks. We have developed many habbits that we both enjoy. We realized that it takes the longest for the two of us to get ready and we love listening to music while we get ready because it pumps us up and gets us excited. I feel that the two of us are only going to get closer as our college life unfolds itself. We both experienced Texas Recruitment together. We both wanted to join the same sorority so that we could have another aspect of our life in college together to be the same. We accomplished another goal of us and we both got bids to the same sorority. I feel at home whenever I am at the house. Each and every girl is excited with open arms to welcome all 63 of the new pledges. I am so glad that not only are we roomates with each other we are sorority sisters as well. Other than my social life and living arrangements at school, the most important aspect is my education. I am taking 4 classes which comes out to 14 hours. I chose the classes that I wanted to take and the first two weeks have gone great. The work load started off fine and I think that I am going to be able to handle everything. I was a little nervous at first about the large classes because I came from a high school that was a decent size but the classes ranged from 10-35 people. My classes at Texas on the other hand were quite large. I didnt know if I was going to be able to concentrate during a lecture if there were on average 100-300 people in the classes. As soon as one day passed I knew it wouldnt be a problem as long as I got to class early so that I would have a decent seat and be able to listen as closly as I could. As these last two weeks have flown by I have realized differnt tecniques to make the rest of my experiences at Texas even better. I have learned from my mistakes and I have gained from my experiences.                       ",Emotions: Calm,"     So I started my college life about two weeks ago. It has all gone pretty much as to what I had expected it to be like. I live in University Towers which is an off campus dorm and I have met tons of new people. I live with four girls whom I didnt know when I first started school. Some older people at the University set us up. I really like the fact that we are all starting new with each other. We get to experience our new life together. We get along great and do everything together. I am also really enjoying the fact that I get to make all my decisions on my own. Not having parents around all the time has its up's and it's downs. I mean I don't have someone annoying me all the time about finishing my work I have to realize when it has to be turned in and different deadlines for tests and projects. I have however found it kind of difficult to really take on a full schedule and truly realize everything that has to be taken care of in one full day. I have noticed that there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything completly finished. With homework, reading, running errands and outside activites there is so much to do with so little time. My roomate and I have had grown very close over the past two weeks. We have developed many habbits that we both enjoy. We realized that it takes the longest for the two of us to get ready and we love listening to music while we get ready because it pumps us up and gets us excited. I feel that the two of us are only going to get closer as our college life unfolds itself. We both experienced Texas Recruitment together. We both wanted to join the same sorority so that we could have another aspect of our life in college together to be the same. We accomplished another goal of us and we both got bids to the same sorority. I feel at home whenever I am at the house. Each and every girl is excited with open arms to welcome all 63 of the new pledges. I am so glad that not only are we roomates with each other we are sorority sisters as well. Other than my social life and living arrangements at school, the most important aspect is my education. I am taking 4 classes which comes out to 14 hours. I chose the classes that I wanted to take and the first two weeks have gone great. The work load started off fine and I think that I am going to be able to handle everything. I was a little nervous at first about the large classes because I came from a high school that was a decent size but the classes ranged from 10-35 people. My classes at Texas on the other hand were quite large. I didnt know if I was going to be able to concentrate during a lecture if there were on average 100-300 people in the classes. As soon as one day passed I knew it wouldnt be a problem as long as I got to class early so that I would have a decent seat and be able to listen as closly as I could. As these last two weeks have flown by I have realized differnt tecniques to make the rest of my experiences at Texas even better. I have learned from my mistakes and I have gained from my experiences.                       ",Emotions,Calm
2004_50.txt,"I got home from Burnet today from hunting and it wasn't that great. The dove weren't flying when I was there maybe its because I'm bad luck. Sometimes I think stupid things like that, like maybe for instance people were catching fish before I got there then when I got there I didn't catch anything and neither did anybody else. Super smells really good right now I think mom is cooking mashed potatoes and ribs. Sounds really good because I'm so hungry I haven't eaten all day. Speaking of not eating all day I just realized how fun my weekend was. That's why I haven't really eaten that much. Food sounds so good. Friday night I went out to a few parties and tried to get into frat parties but they're all gay and wont let any dudes in. Even though it was me with a bunch of girls they still wouldn't let me in. I'm pissed. From now on when I have a party I'm not letting any frat people in just hot sorority girls. Some of my friends are in sororities they seem cool. Anyway, then I went to the UT game on Saturday and we stomped all over North Texas. I kind of felt bad but not really. Its weird to be at a UT game and say ""this is my school. ""  I'm so used to being in high school and going to high school games I'm not used to seeing 80000 people at a game for my school. I wish school didn't involve class. I love the college atmosphere but not the class part. Maybe my psychology professor will give me an A. That would be great of him. He's a cool guy though I like his class. All my other professors are boring but he knows how to have fun while he lectures. I'm glad I got out of my calculus class and in a different one because professor radin is not cool at all. he needs to learn how to be not so uptight. My new calculus professor is cool though he's more laid back and knows how to teach things and give examples. Gosh I'm hungry I wish dinner were ready already. Taco Cabana is really good late at night I just realized that. I'm glad it's open 24 hrs because where would I go eat at 3 a. M?  Speaking of Taco Cabana San Antonio was fun I just wish we went to Cowboys and danced a little. San Antonio was cool but not as cool as burnet I want to hurry up and go hunting again. maybe this weekend I'll go back and shoot some more birds. Girls make me so mad. Why does a certain somebody have to be stupid all the time?  She bitches too much at me for little things. I should just not talk to her anymore. I don't know why I can't just not talk to her. All girls are the same to me, they all bitch about stupid things and get mad at you for saying hi to other girls that are your friends but they go off and say hi to their guy friends and expect us not to get mad at them. It's dumb. Jenna is dumb too. She should have ditched her boyfriend to hang out with her quote best friend Kelly on her birthday. She is stupid for choosing someone she just barely met over her best friend. Kelly doesn't deserve to cry I should yell at Jenna for that. Jessica is a cool girl she cares about me and doesn't want anything to happen to me I should hang out with her more. Stony Point football will always suck. They lose too much. New coaches are cool though I wish he was there when I was there. I need to do chemistry homework. He needs to stop mumbling and getting off topic to. My TA pisses me off so much I think I'm smarter than her. All the answers I had were right and the ones she gave me were wrong I can't believe that. 66 on the first hw is crap. there goes my confidence. She's a good looking girl though I'll give her that much but she can't help for crap. hopefully by this weekend I'll have my work done so I can hunt. I really can't stop thinking about hunting. I want to shoot me a deer I've never shot one before. Season opens soon I think so dove will have to do for now.        ",Emotions: Anger,"I got home from Burnet today from hunting and it wasn't that great. The dove weren't flying when I was there maybe its because I'm bad luck. Sometimes I think stupid things like that, like maybe for instance people were catching fish before I got there then when I got there I didn't catch anything and neither did anybody else. Super smells really good right now I think mom is cooking mashed potatoes and ribs. Sounds really good because I'm so hungry I haven't eaten all day. Speaking of not eating all day I just realized how fun my weekend was. That's why I haven't really eaten that much. Food sounds so good. Friday night I went out to a few parties and tried to get into frat parties but they're all gay and wont let any dudes in. Even though it was me with a bunch of girls they still wouldn't let me in. I'm pissed. From now on when I have a party I'm not letting any frat people in just hot sorority girls. Some of my friends are in sororities they seem cool. Anyway, then I went to the UT game on Saturday and we stomped all over North Texas. I kind of felt bad but not really. Its weird to be at a UT game and say ""this is my school. ""  I'm so used to being in high school and going to high school games I'm not used to seeing 80000 people at a game for my school. I wish school didn't involve class. I love the college atmosphere but not the class part. Maybe my psychology professor will give me an A. That would be great of him. He's a cool guy though I like his class. All my other professors are boring but he knows how to have fun while he lectures. I'm glad I got out of my calculus class and in a different one because professor radin is not cool at all. he needs to learn how to be not so uptight. My new calculus professor is cool though he's more laid back and knows how to teach things and give examples. Gosh I'm hungry I wish dinner were ready already. Taco Cabana is really good late at night I just realized that. I'm glad it's open 24 hrs because where would I go eat at 3 a. M?  Speaking of Taco Cabana San Antonio was fun I just wish we went to Cowboys and danced a little. San Antonio was cool but not as cool as burnet I want to hurry up and go hunting again. maybe this weekend I'll go back and shoot some more birds. Girls make me so mad. Why does a certain somebody have to be stupid all the time?  She bitches too much at me for little things. I should just not talk to her anymore. I don't know why I can't just not talk to her. All girls are the same to me, they all bitch about stupid things and get mad at you for saying hi to other girls that are your friends but they go off and say hi to their guy friends and expect us not to get mad at them. It's dumb. Jenna is dumb too. She should have ditched her boyfriend to hang out with her quote best friend Kelly on her birthday. She is stupid for choosing someone she just barely met over her best friend. Kelly doesn't deserve to cry I should yell at Jenna for that. Jessica is a cool girl she cares about me and doesn't want anything to happen to me I should hang out with her more. Stony Point football will always suck. They lose too much. New coaches are cool though I wish he was there when I was there. I need to do chemistry homework. He needs to stop mumbling and getting off topic to. My TA pisses me off so much I think I'm smarter than her. All the answers I had were right and the ones she gave me were wrong I can't believe that. 66 on the first hw is crap. there goes my confidence. She's a good looking girl though I'll give her that much but she can't help for crap. hopefully by this weekend I'll have my work done so I can hunt. I really can't stop thinking about hunting. I want to shoot me a deer I've never shot one before. Season opens soon I think so dove will have to do for now.        ",Emotions,Anger
1997_458896.txt,"This computer lab is scary. I think that at any moment I will mess everything up. This is so weird, writing homework out on a Saturday night. What else can I say? I'm seriously scared that college is not going to turn out how I want it to. Oh well. I'm so tired. There are two girls next to me that are talking just way to loud and it is hard to concentrate on typing. I wish that they would be quiet. Oh Well! Anyway, I really can't think of anything else to type. Man, I wish those girls would talk a little bit more quietly, it is starting to get on my nerves. Some people can be seriously rude. Last night I met the most interesting people. I went to a party at my sister's house and it was okay. At the end of the party there were these guys that live next door to her that got into a fight and called the police on each other. When they got there, the police asked us if we knew anything about a gun. I really don't know what went down with those guys and I really don't care. Those girls are really loud and they are majorly getting on my nerves. Now two other girls on the other side of me are talking really loud about some guy they e-mailed an embarrassing message to. I don't understand why people talk so loud do they think that everyone else cares what they are talking about? I am really getting pissed now!!!! Why are these people talking so loud in the computer lab?  I'm getting cold. I wish that the people next to me would shut up. Yeah they did now for a few seconds I can concentrate. I have to clean my dorm room tomorrow. So much fun!!!! I'm thinking about joining a Christian sorority. Hopefully it will be lots of fun. I'm supposed to go to a meeting about it with my friend Leona. Man, I have to remember to find an article for my E306 class for my first writing assignment. I have no idea what I am going to write about. Maybe tomorrow I will find an interesting article in the newspaper. Just five more minutes to go. There they go again, talking so loud, it is seriously distracting and annoying. Don't those girls know that you're supposed to be quiet in the library. I wonder what I'm going to do later on tonight? I think I'm going to watch a movie or talk to my parents on the phone. College is so scary. I'm homesick a lot, but I've been getting better each day that I've been here. I really love Austin but I'm just ready to go home also. I miss my friends Laura, Mike, Bruce and Jimmy. I need to remember to go get my film developed so I can see them. I had so much fun the night before I left to go to college. I'm really looking forward to Monday since there won't be any classes. Well, I think I'm ready to go to sleep. I need to remember to call my mom and ask her to send me some stamps. This is getting boring. I wonder what Mike and Laura are doing tonight. I wonder if they're kicking back without me in San Benito. I miss my best friend Laura, because we always could talk about things without saying much of anything. Well, I'm tired of typing and it has been 20 minutes so I'm going to stop. ",Emotions: Annoyance,"This computer lab is scary. I think that at any moment I will mess everything up. This is so weird, writing homework out on a Saturday night. What else can I say? I'm seriously scared that college is not going to turn out how I want it to. Oh well. I'm so tired. There are two girls next to me that are talking just way to loud and it is hard to concentrate on typing. I wish that they would be quiet. Oh Well! Anyway, I really can't think of anything else to type. Man, I wish those girls would talk a little bit more quietly, it is starting to get on my nerves. Some people can be seriously rude. Last night I met the most interesting people. I went to a party at my sister's house and it was okay. At the end of the party there were these guys that live next door to her that got into a fight and called the police on each other. When they got there, the police asked us if we knew anything about a gun. I really don't know what went down with those guys and I really don't care. Those girls are really loud and they are majorly getting on my nerves. Now two other girls on the other side of me are talking really loud about some guy they e-mailed an embarrassing message to. I don't understand why people talk so loud do they think that everyone else cares what they are talking about? I am really getting pissed now!!!! Why are these people talking so loud in the computer lab?  I'm getting cold. I wish that the people next to me would shut up. Yeah they did now for a few seconds I can concentrate. I have to clean my dorm room tomorrow. So much fun!!!! I'm thinking about joining a Christian sorority. Hopefully it will be lots of fun. I'm supposed to go to a meeting about it with my friend Leona. Man, I have to remember to find an article for my E306 class for my first writing assignment. I have no idea what I am going to write about. Maybe tomorrow I will find an interesting article in the newspaper. Just five more minutes to go. There they go again, talking so loud, it is seriously distracting and annoying. Don't those girls know that you're supposed to be quiet in the library. I wonder what I'm going to do later on tonight? I think I'm going to watch a movie or talk to my parents on the phone. College is so scary. I'm homesick a lot, but I've been getting better each day that I've been here. I really love Austin but I'm just ready to go home also. I miss my friends Laura, Mike, Bruce and Jimmy. I need to remember to go get my film developed so I can see them. I had so much fun the night before I left to go to college. I'm really looking forward to Monday since there won't be any classes. Well, I think I'm ready to go to sleep. I need to remember to call my mom and ask her to send me some stamps. This is getting boring. I wonder what Mike and Laura are doing tonight. I wonder if they're kicking back without me in San Benito. I miss my best friend Laura, because we always could talk about things without saying much of anything. Well, I'm tired of typing and it has been 20 minutes so I'm going to stop. ",Emotions,Annoyance
2004_249.txt,"It's a bit past 4 pm on a Sunday, and I only just woke up a while ago. So here I am, writing a psychology paper which has no definite topic as such. I usually listen to laid back electronic-type music when I do papers, which is what I'm doing now. I feel it helps me free up my mind, and help me think more clearly. I don't know how this paper is going to end up, or whether I'm writing what I'm supposed to, but I suppose that's the point of the exercise. So - tracking my thoughts. Well first off I just realized how annoying the timer at the top of the page is. Watching it tick away while thinking of something to write (which shouldn't be a problem anyway since I'm supposed to write what I'm thinking and not the other way around) just seems to get on my nerves a bit. I wonder what the rest of the writing assignments this semester will be like though. They need to fix this page up though, it didn't work in my primary web browser, Mozilla Firefox, and I don't like Internet Explorer all that much. Oh, the music just changed, it's a bit faster and slightly more aggressive now. I got myself some candy too, though I probably shouldn't have since I'll be having lunch in a bit. It's getting a bit warmer in here, someone probably increased the air conditioner temperature again. And now my roommate is playing basketball outside in the living room. One of these days I think he's going to break something. 10 minutes and the clock's ticking. I really should get some work done today. I pretty much wasted the last two days, but hey, what are three day weekends for? I've got some Math and CS homework, as well as a freshman seminar paper. Math's an interesting class even if it is too easy. Not to sound self deluded, but I do think I know more calculus than most people in that class, at least so far. Computer Science is a different story though. The class is a bit harder than I expected it to be, but nothing beyond me. A little googling and I should easily be able to look up anything I don't already know and complete the assignment. Java isn't really one of my strengths, but that doesn't mean I can't make it one. I like psychology though, at first I thought it would be impersonal and intimidating because of the sheer number of students in it but that's changed. 17 minutes. I just have to continuously keep looking at the timer. And the music just stepped up, now it's a bit faster than before. And I actually got this paper done! I'm so proud of myself!  well, not really, but I'm glad I got it done anyway. And now my mind's a blank really. Looks like my time's up. Did I mention I hate popups? Time to click the finish button. ",Social Awareness: Responsibility,"It's a bit past 4 pm on a Sunday, and I only just woke up a while ago. So here I am, writing a psychology paper which has no definite topic as such. I usually listen to laid back electronic-type music when I do papers, which is what I'm doing now. I feel it helps me free up my mind, and help me think more clearly. I don't know how this paper is going to end up, or whether I'm writing what I'm supposed to, but I suppose that's the point of the exercise. So - tracking my thoughts. Well first off I just realized how annoying the timer at the top of the page is. Watching it tick away while thinking of something to write (which shouldn't be a problem anyway since I'm supposed to write what I'm thinking and not the other way around) just seems to get on my nerves a bit. I wonder what the rest of the writing assignments this semester will be like though. They need to fix this page up though, it didn't work in my primary web browser, Mozilla Firefox, and I don't like Internet Explorer all that much. Oh, the music just changed, it's a bit faster and slightly more aggressive now. I got myself some candy too, though I probably shouldn't have since I'll be having lunch in a bit. It's getting a bit warmer in here, someone probably increased the air conditioner temperature again. And now my roommate is playing basketball outside in the living room. One of these days I think he's going to break something. 10 minutes and the clock's ticking. I really should get some work done today. I pretty much wasted the last two days, but hey, what are three day weekends for? I've got some Math and CS homework, as well as a freshman seminar paper. Math's an interesting class even if it is too easy. Not to sound self deluded, but I do think I know more calculus than most people in that class, at least so far. Computer Science is a different story though. The class is a bit harder than I expected it to be, but nothing beyond me. A little googling and I should easily be able to look up anything I don't already know and complete the assignment. Java isn't really one of my strengths, but that doesn't mean I can't make it one. I like psychology though, at first I thought it would be impersonal and intimidating because of the sheer number of students in it but that's changed. 17 minutes. I just have to continuously keep looking at the timer. And the music just stepped up, now it's a bit faster than before. And I actually got this paper done! I'm so proud of myself!  well, not really, but I'm glad I got it done anyway. And now my mind's a blank really. Looks like my time's up. Did I mention I hate popups? Time to click the finish button. ",Social Awareness,Responsibility
2004_262.txt,"Well I am just sitting in my room on a rainy labor day, all my roommates are either out of town or napping so it's really quiet in here, which is actually really nice considering I hardly ever get alone time to just sit and think about stuff. Too bad that I have so much reading today and preparation for the bible study I will be leading for kappa that I have little time to rest I really have trouble relaxing once school starts up because I have so much going on that I feel guilty if I am not always being productive. I know that I need to take time every day just to sit with God and tell him what is going on in my mind. So that's what I want to do with this exercise I am going to type everything I think about but it is going to be in the form of a prayer to God. I hate that I feel like I constantly need to be watching my money, or what I eat, or anything else in my life that gives me a sense of control and like I am making wise decisions, why is it so hard for me to accept my screw ups? I know I human, and that I am sinful and that I can't do anything on my own. So I don't know why I get disappointed in my failures, why should I expect anything else??? I feel pretty guilty about how much time I put into some of my relationships as well, like I wish I was there for Lauren F. more and really was keeping up better with how she is doing and holding her accountable. Please give me the time and desire to talk to her and pray for her. I also really need your help in not letting the devil get a foothold in my thought life, I need you to make me aware of when I start to count calories (eaten or burnt!) or when I start to keep a constant tab on how much I spend or what people owe me. Lord I want to see every blessing in my life as a gift from you and not as something I deserve because I know that I do not!   I also know that I need to take a nap this afternoon if I want to get any work done later so I pray that I would be able to do that as well. I have so much stuff going on that it can really make me lose sight of what's important. YOU and my family and friends and everyone else in my life. Lord I want to see everyone in my life as a divine appointment. I feel really excited about this year but it's discouraging when I can already see myself getting caught up in the unimportant stuff. I really want to crawl into bed right now and get some sleep instead of finishing this assignment, but what can you do!  I hate that I was so irritable with my mom and dad this weekend and really hope that they can fix the problem they're having communicating, I am also so worried about David, MP, and Nancy, I just want them to see that all the worldly pleasures they are looking to escape the sadness of a broken home will never fill that void and that they desperately need to know you Lord, and understand your love for them. I wish I knew what to expect on this PHL test coming up on Thursday, but there I go again with wanting to know things before the right timing. I am worried that I am not studying for my classes as dedicatedly as I should be but I know that I am doing the best I can and they shouldn't be consuming my life. I am so glad I got to spend time with ford this weekend and I really hope that he doesn't have a flight delay because of the rain here and in Atlanta because I know he has a lot he needs to do when he gets back. But I know he was supposed to be here this weekend and I am so glad that he got to talk to Chris last night and really hope that he calls to tell me what they talked about. I feel a little anxious right now about getting all my work done today and for some silly reason I am really upset that the tuna fish I bought and that 7up drink turned out to be busts, because that cost what, maybe $4???? come on Louise you are so cheap get over it!!! surprisingly I am not really nervous about bible study tomorrow night but I know that I need to be really giving that to you and I really hope it doesn't all hit me at once tomorrow. I am really hot so I had to go turn on the fan. I wonder when becca and Martha are getting back, is it wrong that I kind of like that they aren't around right now? Why is it that I like to be alone so much, is it selfishness??? I am kind of worried about Kyle maybe liking me, I really don't want him to, because I really love having him as a friend and I really don't know what makes me think that he might want something more but for some reason I've been getting that vibe lately so I really hope that I can act in a way that doesn't lead him on but that is still nice. Man that 7up stuff I got is disgusting!!! why do I always try those things. Healthy soft drinks?!?! what a joke!!! of course it's going to taste awful. I really hate that I am always feeling like I need to be repaid when I do something for someone I mean seriously! why can't I just give out of love and show like grace like Christ did to us??? I am really excited about this PSYCH class though because it'll be cool to see if this is really the direction god wants me to go for my career. I am so glad to have this day off to rest and catch up in studies and for the 12 hours of sleep I got on Saturday I really need to get rest because I know I don't get nearly enough, help me allow more time for sleep and rest in my schedule because obviously you didn't make us require so much sleep for nothing! I just wish I would enjoy it I pray that I could have a peace so that I could sleep right now. ",Emotions: Guilt,"Well I am just sitting in my room on a rainy labor day, all my roommates are either out of town or napping so it's really quiet in here, which is actually really nice considering I hardly ever get alone time to just sit and think about stuff. Too bad that I have so much reading today and preparation for the bible study I will be leading for kappa that I have little time to rest I really have trouble relaxing once school starts up because I have so much going on that I feel guilty if I am not always being productive. I know that I need to take time every day just to sit with God and tell him what is going on in my mind. So that's what I want to do with this exercise I am going to type everything I think about but it is going to be in the form of a prayer to God. I hate that I feel like I constantly need to be watching my money, or what I eat, or anything else in my life that gives me a sense of control and like I am making wise decisions, why is it so hard for me to accept my screw ups? I know I human, and that I am sinful and that I can't do anything on my own. So I don't know why I get disappointed in my failures, why should I expect anything else??? I feel pretty guilty about how much time I put into some of my relationships as well, like I wish I was there for Lauren F. more and really was keeping up better with how she is doing and holding her accountable. Please give me the time and desire to talk to her and pray for her. I also really need your help in not letting the devil get a foothold in my thought life, I need you to make me aware of when I start to count calories (eaten or burnt!) or when I start to keep a constant tab on how much I spend or what people owe me. Lord I want to see every blessing in my life as a gift from you and not as something I deserve because I know that I do not!   I also know that I need to take a nap this afternoon if I want to get any work done later so I pray that I would be able to do that as well. I have so much stuff going on that it can really make me lose sight of what's important. YOU and my family and friends and everyone else in my life. Lord I want to see everyone in my life as a divine appointment. I feel really excited about this year but it's discouraging when I can already see myself getting caught up in the unimportant stuff. I really want to crawl into bed right now and get some sleep instead of finishing this assignment, but what can you do!  I hate that I was so irritable with my mom and dad this weekend and really hope that they can fix the problem they're having communicating, I am also so worried about David, MP, and Nancy, I just want them to see that all the worldly pleasures they are looking to escape the sadness of a broken home will never fill that void and that they desperately need to know you Lord, and understand your love for them. I wish I knew what to expect on this PHL test coming up on Thursday, but there I go again with wanting to know things before the right timing. I am worried that I am not studying for my classes as dedicatedly as I should be but I know that I am doing the best I can and they shouldn't be consuming my life. I am so glad I got to spend time with ford this weekend and I really hope that he doesn't have a flight delay because of the rain here and in Atlanta because I know he has a lot he needs to do when he gets back. But I know he was supposed to be here this weekend and I am so glad that he got to talk to Chris last night and really hope that he calls to tell me what they talked about. I feel a little anxious right now about getting all my work done today and for some silly reason I am really upset that the tuna fish I bought and that 7up drink turned out to be busts, because that cost what, maybe $4???? come on Louise you are so cheap get over it!!! surprisingly I am not really nervous about bible study tomorrow night but I know that I need to be really giving that to you and I really hope it doesn't all hit me at once tomorrow. I am really hot so I had to go turn on the fan. I wonder when becca and Martha are getting back, is it wrong that I kind of like that they aren't around right now? Why is it that I like to be alone so much, is it selfishness??? I am kind of worried about Kyle maybe liking me, I really don't want him to, because I really love having him as a friend and I really don't know what makes me think that he might want something more but for some reason I've been getting that vibe lately so I really hope that I can act in a way that doesn't lead him on but that is still nice. Man that 7up stuff I got is disgusting!!! why do I always try those things. Healthy soft drinks?!?! what a joke!!! of course it's going to taste awful. I really hate that I am always feeling like I need to be repaid when I do something for someone I mean seriously! why can't I just give out of love and show like grace like Christ did to us??? I am really excited about this PSYCH class though because it'll be cool to see if this is really the direction god wants me to go for my career. I am so glad to have this day off to rest and catch up in studies and for the 12 hours of sleep I got on Saturday I really need to get rest because I know I don't get nearly enough, help me allow more time for sleep and rest in my schedule because obviously you didn't make us require so much sleep for nothing! I just wish I would enjoy it I pray that I could have a peace so that I could sleep right now. ",Emotions,Guilt
1997_458896.txt,"This computer lab is scary. I think that at any moment I will mess everything up. This is so weird, writing homework out on a Saturday night. What else can I say? I'm seriously scared that college is not going to turn out how I want it to. Oh well. I'm so tired. There are two girls next to me that are talking just way to loud and it is hard to concentrate on typing. I wish that they would be quiet. Oh Well! Anyway, I really can't think of anything else to type. Man, I wish those girls would talk a little bit more quietly, it is starting to get on my nerves. Some people can be seriously rude. Last night I met the most interesting people. I went to a party at my sister's house and it was okay. At the end of the party there were these guys that live next door to her that got into a fight and called the police on each other. When they got there, the police asked us if we knew anything about a gun. I really don't know what went down with those guys and I really don't care. Those girls are really loud and they are majorly getting on my nerves. Now two other girls on the other side of me are talking really loud about some guy they e-mailed an embarrassing message to. I don't understand why people talk so loud do they think that everyone else cares what they are talking about? I am really getting pissed now!!!! Why are these people talking so loud in the computer lab?  I'm getting cold. I wish that the people next to me would shut up. Yeah they did now for a few seconds I can concentrate. I have to clean my dorm room tomorrow. So much fun!!!! I'm thinking about joining a Christian sorority. Hopefully it will be lots of fun. I'm supposed to go to a meeting about it with my friend Leona. Man, I have to remember to find an article for my E306 class for my first writing assignment. I have no idea what I am going to write about. Maybe tomorrow I will find an interesting article in the newspaper. Just five more minutes to go. There they go again, talking so loud, it is seriously distracting and annoying. Don't those girls know that you're supposed to be quiet in the library. I wonder what I'm going to do later on tonight? I think I'm going to watch a movie or talk to my parents on the phone. College is so scary. I'm homesick a lot, but I've been getting better each day that I've been here. I really love Austin but I'm just ready to go home also. I miss my friends Laura, Mike, Bruce and Jimmy. I need to remember to go get my film developed so I can see them. I had so much fun the night before I left to go to college. I'm really looking forward to Monday since there won't be any classes. Well, I think I'm ready to go to sleep. I need to remember to call my mom and ask her to send me some stamps. This is getting boring. I wonder what Mike and Laura are doing tonight. I wonder if they're kicking back without me in San Benito. I miss my best friend Laura, because we always could talk about things without saying much of anything. Well, I'm tired of typing and it has been 20 minutes so I'm going to stop. ",Emotions: Irritation,"This computer lab is scary. I think that at any moment I will mess everything up. This is so weird, writing homework out on a Saturday night. What else can I say? I'm seriously scared that college is not going to turn out how I want it to. Oh well. I'm so tired. There are two girls next to me that are talking just way to loud and it is hard to concentrate on typing. I wish that they would be quiet. Oh Well! Anyway, I really can't think of anything else to type. Man, I wish those girls would talk a little bit more quietly, it is starting to get on my nerves. Some people can be seriously rude. Last night I met the most interesting people. I went to a party at my sister's house and it was okay. At the end of the party there were these guys that live next door to her that got into a fight and called the police on each other. When they got there, the police asked us if we knew anything about a gun. I really don't know what went down with those guys and I really don't care. Those girls are really loud and they are majorly getting on my nerves. Now two other girls on the other side of me are talking really loud about some guy they e-mailed an embarrassing message to. I don't understand why people talk so loud do they think that everyone else cares what they are talking about? I am really getting pissed now!!!! Why are these people talking so loud in the computer lab?  I'm getting cold. I wish that the people next to me would shut up. Yeah they did now for a few seconds I can concentrate. I have to clean my dorm room tomorrow. So much fun!!!! I'm thinking about joining a Christian sorority. Hopefully it will be lots of fun. I'm supposed to go to a meeting about it with my friend Leona. Man, I have to remember to find an article for my E306 class for my first writing assignment. I have no idea what I am going to write about. Maybe tomorrow I will find an interesting article in the newspaper. Just five more minutes to go. There they go again, talking so loud, it is seriously distracting and annoying. Don't those girls know that you're supposed to be quiet in the library. I wonder what I'm going to do later on tonight? I think I'm going to watch a movie or talk to my parents on the phone. College is so scary. I'm homesick a lot, but I've been getting better each day that I've been here. I really love Austin but I'm just ready to go home also. I miss my friends Laura, Mike, Bruce and Jimmy. I need to remember to go get my film developed so I can see them. I had so much fun the night before I left to go to college. I'm really looking forward to Monday since there won't be any classes. Well, I think I'm ready to go to sleep. I need to remember to call my mom and ask her to send me some stamps. This is getting boring. I wonder what Mike and Laura are doing tonight. I wonder if they're kicking back without me in San Benito. I miss my best friend Laura, because we always could talk about things without saying much of anything. Well, I'm tired of typing and it has been 20 minutes so I'm going to stop. ",Emotions,Irritation
2000_871605.txt,"I am pretty proud of myself today, for I got much more accomplished than I thought I would. I figured that after my last class I would just take a nap. But instead, I went to the gym and had a great workout. It's always good to make a plan of everything that you want to do in a day. I always have to do lists. They are so useful, and I feel so organized when I make them. And when I finish everything on one list, I feel so good. It is a great feeling. I haven't been having too many great feelings recently. I'm not sure if I like it here. I don't think I ever will either; that is what bothers me the most. Everyone keeps telling me that it is going to get better, that I'll meet more and more people that I like. I just don't think it's going to happen. I really wish I had gone to Brandeis, for things would be so much easier. It is a smaller school, near Boston, much closer to my parents. Then I'd be able to see Brian and Jessie so much more often. I probably could see them every weekend if I wanted to. My phone bill would definitely be a hell of a lot less. That would be so good, because I don't have enough money. I feel bad asking for more from my parents, but it would just be so much easier. I think I really want to apply for that job at George Women. That is definitely a cool store because it has everything that I love there! Another thing I have noticed about being a college student, is that now I don't care about how I look or dress or anything like that. In high school, it was such a big deal to wear the ""right"" clothes and things like that. I didn't even mind doing that, and it seemed normal. I just miss my friends so much. I made such great connections with three people in high school, and I miss them so much. I am so jealous of all my friends who are so close to each other. Why do I have to get stuck with going to this huge school? It's not fair that I have to go through so many changes all at the same time. I just wish things were easier. It would make me so much happier. I feel like I have done something awful, that I deserve to feel like crap. I know that if I just keep on going, day by day, then things have to get better. I'm just so used to having so many friends and knowing so many people. I have just gotten thrown into this huge pile of people, and not knowing any of them is just plain weird. I just hope that getting use to this school will be a lot easier and quicker than it seems like it will be. I think that things will become so much better once I get used to this school. I certainly hope so because I just want to be happy. ",Emotions: Empathy,"I am pretty proud of myself today, for I got much more accomplished than I thought I would. I figured that after my last class I would just take a nap. But instead, I went to the gym and had a great workout. It's always good to make a plan of everything that you want to do in a day. I always have to do lists. They are so useful, and I feel so organized when I make them. And when I finish everything on one list, I feel so good. It is a great feeling. I haven't been having too many great feelings recently. I'm not sure if I like it here. I don't think I ever will either; that is what bothers me the most. Everyone keeps telling me that it is going to get better, that I'll meet more and more people that I like. I just don't think it's going to happen. I really wish I had gone to Brandeis, for things would be so much easier. It is a smaller school, near Boston, much closer to my parents. Then I'd be able to see Brian and Jessie so much more often. I probably could see them every weekend if I wanted to. My phone bill would definitely be a hell of a lot less. That would be so good, because I don't have enough money. I feel bad asking for more from my parents, but it would just be so much easier. I think I really want to apply for that job at George Women. That is definitely a cool store because it has everything that I love there! Another thing I have noticed about being a college student, is that now I don't care about how I look or dress or anything like that. In high school, it was such a big deal to wear the ""right"" clothes and things like that. I didn't even mind doing that, and it seemed normal. I just miss my friends so much. I made such great connections with three people in high school, and I miss them so much. I am so jealous of all my friends who are so close to each other. Why do I have to get stuck with going to this huge school? It's not fair that I have to go through so many changes all at the same time. I just wish things were easier. It would make me so much happier. I feel like I have done something awful, that I deserve to feel like crap. I know that if I just keep on going, day by day, then things have to get better. I'm just so used to having so many friends and knowing so many people. I have just gotten thrown into this huge pile of people, and not knowing any of them is just plain weird. I just hope that getting use to this school will be a lot easier and quicker than it seems like it will be. I think that things will become so much better once I get used to this school. I certainly hope so because I just want to be happy. ",Emotions,Empathy
2002_091020.txt,"     Okay, I thought right now would be the best time to do this. I'm alone and can think aobut what's going on. These last couple of weeks and been great as in school wise but my personal life has been shitty. We got into a wreck where alcohol was involved and the thing was the driver was designated and had nothing to drink and it was the other guys fault. Somehow with our parents we though we could cover it up aobut the alcohol but they found out aobut everything. This is all that keeps playing over and over right now. Where did we mess up? Well the past is the past and you can't change it. My dad came down and was very disappointed. He didn't know I had been drinknig for 1 and half years now and I don't evne get drunk. I get a buzz and I'm good. I have a few drinks every now and then not even all the time. For some reason he doesn't beleive it. He was furious. He's always trusted me for everything and never thought I'd mess up like this. I do good in school graduated top 2% of my class and everything. I have always done good in school and put school first jsut like my parents taught me too. I never wanted to disappoint my parents. I kept it so none of my little mess-ups would ever reach them. So they would think of me as they saw me everyday. This last senior year I started going to parties and hanging out with different people. I'm a real easy going person. The way I think is that I don't care aobut anything. I let things happen. I make the decisions that I think are right at the time and let whatever happen. I like to make people happy. I'm one of those people that when someone is arguing aobut something I let them argue and win. If they think they are right than they feel good. As for me I don't care. I know I'm right or wrong and I let it be, as lngo as their happy it's all good. So aobut the drinknig I have no idea what lead me to it. I used to be a very shy and not really outgonig person. Everyone liked me but I never tlaked oir anything but people knew me just because I was the only Indian at my school and I was easy gonig and friendly. I hate no one, I think everyone has a good side as long as they don't screw me over. Once someone screws me over than I don't like them but until then I try to get along with everyone. Well I guess that's why I staretd drinkngi to get my shyness away. Very bad excuse, I know. My dad thinks it's peer pressure. Peer pressure has never gotten to me I odn't think. I have a strong will about serious things. If I think it's bad and will do something to me I don't like than I won't do it. I tried weed too because I wanted to know the feeling and after researching that it won't cause damage liek other drugs. I tried smokngi cigars and cigarettes jsut to try it and I have astma so I decdie that wasn't for me. I never did really like the idea aobut smokngi. So so I decdied to stick to drinking because after a couple of times I liked the feeling. It was something different to get awya kind of form reality and really let yourslef go but at the same time still know what your doing. My mind goes from one thing to another right now jsut cause of my dad. My mom doesn't know anything which she would probably cry if she found out and that would make me the guiltiest person ever. I would hate that. My dad I don't know. As I sit here thikngi aobut him I feel more and mroe sorry. He came yesterday and gave me a lecture and I said I wouldn't dirnk anymroe but in a way that didn't sound half-true because I couldn't be sincere I thought it was bullshit. A few drinks every now and then can't hurt. Well I know it can but still it's weird I don't know how to explain. Well he came today again and tried to have anothe rone on one. Me and my dad rarely talk I talk to my mom aobut my problems, so I got angry this afternoon and totally went off when he asked me if I was still going to dirnk and if I had done any other drugs. He doesn't trust me me anymore. That hurts the worst. I'm not a eprson to show my feelings ever because I l;iek to think things thorugh. Right now I feel very guilty. I totally blew my dad off this afternoon and I saw the hurt in his eyes and my dad is rarely a person to show his feelings. I guess I get it from him. It's weird. So now I'mthinkngi aobut how I can make it up. I got a e-mail from one of my ex-best friend that's a gurl. We tried gonig out but it didn't work and then firendship fell thorugh too. But somehow we're still really close even thoguh we don't talk to each other anymore. My dad was discussing me with his best friends who is the girl's father. She said I sohuld stop drinknig and that my dad was really hurt. For some reason I still lsiten ot her so I'm reallyt thikngi abut callnig my dad and saying sorry and sincerely saying that I'm going to stop drinknig. I really do want to stop now. I know I can stop if I put my mind to it. I don't need alcohol anymore. One night can ruin the next 6 years haha. It's crazy ",Emotions: Anxiety,"     Okay, I thought right now would be the best time to do this. I'm alone and can think aobut what's going on. These last couple of weeks and been great as in school wise but my personal life has been shitty. We got into a wreck where alcohol was involved and the thing was the driver was designated and had nothing to drink and it was the other guys fault. Somehow with our parents we though we could cover it up aobut the alcohol but they found out aobut everything. This is all that keeps playing over and over right now. Where did we mess up? Well the past is the past and you can't change it. My dad came down and was very disappointed. He didn't know I had been drinknig for 1 and half years now and I don't evne get drunk. I get a buzz and I'm good. I have a few drinks every now and then not even all the time. For some reason he doesn't beleive it. He was furious. He's always trusted me for everything and never thought I'd mess up like this. I do good in school graduated top 2% of my class and everything. I have always done good in school and put school first jsut like my parents taught me too. I never wanted to disappoint my parents. I kept it so none of my little mess-ups would ever reach them. So they would think of me as they saw me everyday. This last senior year I started going to parties and hanging out with different people. I'm a real easy going person. The way I think is that I don't care aobut anything. I let things happen. I make the decisions that I think are right at the time and let whatever happen. I like to make people happy. I'm one of those people that when someone is arguing aobut something I let them argue and win. If they think they are right than they feel good. As for me I don't care. I know I'm right or wrong and I let it be, as lngo as their happy it's all good. So aobut the drinknig I have no idea what lead me to it. I used to be a very shy and not really outgonig person. Everyone liked me but I never tlaked oir anything but people knew me just because I was the only Indian at my school and I was easy gonig and friendly. I hate no one, I think everyone has a good side as long as they don't screw me over. Once someone screws me over than I don't like them but until then I try to get along with everyone. Well I guess that's why I staretd drinkngi to get my shyness away. Very bad excuse, I know. My dad thinks it's peer pressure. Peer pressure has never gotten to me I odn't think. I have a strong will about serious things. If I think it's bad and will do something to me I don't like than I won't do it. I tried weed too because I wanted to know the feeling and after researching that it won't cause damage liek other drugs. I tried smokngi cigars and cigarettes jsut to try it and I have astma so I decdie that wasn't for me. I never did really like the idea aobut smokngi. So so I decdied to stick to drinking because after a couple of times I liked the feeling. It was something different to get awya kind of form reality and really let yourslef go but at the same time still know what your doing. My mind goes from one thing to another right now jsut cause of my dad. My mom doesn't know anything which she would probably cry if she found out and that would make me the guiltiest person ever. I would hate that. My dad I don't know. As I sit here thikngi aobut him I feel more and mroe sorry. He came yesterday and gave me a lecture and I said I wouldn't dirnk anymroe but in a way that didn't sound half-true because I couldn't be sincere I thought it was bullshit. A few drinks every now and then can't hurt. Well I know it can but still it's weird I don't know how to explain. Well he came today again and tried to have anothe rone on one. Me and my dad rarely talk I talk to my mom aobut my problems, so I got angry this afternoon and totally went off when he asked me if I was still going to dirnk and if I had done any other drugs. He doesn't trust me me anymore. That hurts the worst. I'm not a eprson to show my feelings ever because I l;iek to think things thorugh. Right now I feel very guilty. I totally blew my dad off this afternoon and I saw the hurt in his eyes and my dad is rarely a person to show his feelings. I guess I get it from him. It's weird. So now I'mthinkngi aobut how I can make it up. I got a e-mail from one of my ex-best friend that's a gurl. We tried gonig out but it didn't work and then firendship fell thorugh too. But somehow we're still really close even thoguh we don't talk to each other anymore. My dad was discussing me with his best friends who is the girl's father. She said I sohuld stop drinknig and that my dad was really hurt. For some reason I still lsiten ot her so I'm reallyt thikngi abut callnig my dad and saying sorry and sincerely saying that I'm going to stop drinknig. I really do want to stop now. I know I can stop if I put my mind to it. I don't need alcohol anymore. One night can ruin the next 6 years haha. It's crazy ",Emotions,Anxiety
2000_917531.txt,"What I feel is that I have disappointed myself so far this semester. I planned on being so much more organized than I actually am. I look around my room and my desk and get really annoyed at myself. I think I am missing something in terms of college academic life. I feel that I should be stressed and overwhelmed because those have been my feelings for the past couple of years. In high school, I was always trying to outdo myself and get more involved. By the time my senior year came around, I was so involved in clubs and classes that I was burnt out before 1st semester was even over. Every class I took was based on the recommended courses for UT. Every club I joined was so I could put several different activities on my application. Now that I am in college, I wonder if I am serious about my major, Theatre and Dance. Don't get me wrong, I love performing, and in an ideal world, I would become a regular on Broadway. But I always secondguess my goals and the reality of them actually coming true. I have performed literally since I could walk and talk. I haven't appeared on any major stages or on television, but performing has always been a really significant part of my life. It has shaped me into the person I am now. I just keep thinking. ""is this really feasible or not. "" It is one of the few things that I am good at and have been successful in. I suppose I went into the College of Fine Arts because fine arts are so familiar and comfortable for me. I actually thought of becoming a clinical psychologist or a social worker for the latter part of my high school life; I even took a semester of psychology last year. But I came to this conclusion: I have too many problems of my own that I can barely deal with, so how on earth could I solve anyone else's problems? The answer: I could not. I don't know. I guess I will get more into the routine as the weeks roll by. Hopefully, I will be successful at UT. Time can only tell. ",Social Awareness: Self-Criticism,"What I feel is that I have disappointed myself so far this semester. I planned on being so much more organized than I actually am. I look around my room and my desk and get really annoyed at myself. I think I am missing something in terms of college academic life. I feel that I should be stressed and overwhelmed because those have been my feelings for the past couple of years. In high school, I was always trying to outdo myself and get more involved. By the time my senior year came around, I was so involved in clubs and classes that I was burnt out before 1st semester was even over. Every class I took was based on the recommended courses for UT. Every club I joined was so I could put several different activities on my application. Now that I am in college, I wonder if I am serious about my major, Theatre and Dance. Don't get me wrong, I love performing, and in an ideal world, I would become a regular on Broadway. But I always secondguess my goals and the reality of them actually coming true. I have performed literally since I could walk and talk. I haven't appeared on any major stages or on television, but performing has always been a really significant part of my life. It has shaped me into the person I am now. I just keep thinking. ""is this really feasible or not. "" It is one of the few things that I am good at and have been successful in. I suppose I went into the College of Fine Arts because fine arts are so familiar and comfortable for me. I actually thought of becoming a clinical psychologist or a social worker for the latter part of my high school life; I even took a semester of psychology last year. But I came to this conclusion: I have too many problems of my own that I can barely deal with, so how on earth could I solve anyone else's problems? The answer: I could not. I don't know. I guess I will get more into the routine as the weeks roll by. Hopefully, I will be successful at UT. Time can only tell. ",Social Awareness,Self-Criticism
2002_805223.txt,     cold air quietness stress sad unreal computer pictures home stress  family death uncle sadness vietnam feelings coldness alone isolation fear homework worry help not enough time catch up freedom working no homework looking for room to breath need help afraid to ask tired not enough sleep psychology subject intriguing need more time to do other homework need notes from other people tired weak wanting to go home don't want to stay here too long want to go back home miss the people back home friends family lost hard heat hear footsteps just a stranger wanting to go home chips smell like onions hungry but already ate about five minutes ago need time to study too many tests coming up need more time too tired want to go somewhere else but here feeling sick nauseous feel a major heading coming forth need time need time bored want to go somewhere else tired bored tired bored bored want to do something else ,Emotions: Overwhelm,     cold air quietness stress sad unreal computer pictures home stress  family death uncle sadness vietnam feelings coldness alone isolation fear homework worry help not enough time catch up freedom working no homework looking for room to breath need help afraid to ask tired not enough sleep psychology subject intriguing need more time to do other homework need notes from other people tired weak wanting to go home don't want to stay here too long want to go back home miss the people back home friends family lost hard heat hear footsteps just a stranger wanting to go home chips smell like onions hungry but already ate about five minutes ago need time to study too many tests coming up need more time too tired want to go somewhere else but here feeling sick nauseous feel a major heading coming forth need time need time bored want to go somewhere else tired bored tired bored bored want to do something else ,Emotions,Overwhelm
1999_950573.txt,"I figured that I would put this assignment off a little more---or at least until my thoughts were more collected, but I now realize that they're am as collected now as they're ever be. I think about all that I have to do, assignments in school mostly, but I am also busy thinking about a certain person all the time. I suppose I'm going through sensory overload right now. my brain is working at a million miles an hour to keep up with the information that is being put in as fast as possible. Then there's that person I mentioned. I am confused about a certain guy that I really like. Sounds so tyipical, right? I will have to put those thoughts aside until school is over for the day. I am pretty unhappy with a lot of people that I have met at U. t. They are so interested in having a good time, all the time. Drinking and sex outside of marriage, namely. I ate lunch with an old friend that I haven't seen in a long time, and all he talked about was partying, and the like. I don't drink, because of the law (I'm 18), and I don't believe that anyone should get drunk because that's what the Bible says. Life seems so messed up. I'm not depressed about it, but I am bothered by what I see in the world. I feel a sense of hopelessnes about me, and I know where it is coming from. It started with the fall of man in the Garden of Eden. God has given man over to his wicked desires, and this means that unless God sends revival, things will continue to get worse. Also, I have been reading about the Clinton administration in a book entitled Unlimited Acess, and I think, ""If this is what our president is getting away with who CAN we trust?!"" Of course, I don't put my faith in things which are seen, but things which are not seen. God is in complete control, and no matter how bad things seem, he will take care of His people. Some day, all of this--including the computer that I'm typing on---will burn up. God will come back to gather His elect and the those who are not will burn in the lake of fire forever. this is such a scary thought, but when you think about it it makes perfect sense. God's gift of salvation was totally voluntary on his part. He doesn't have to save anyone. We all deserve damnation because of our sin. We sinned in Adam. But in God's incredible mercy and love he sent Christ as a propitiaton for our sins that we might not perish but have everlasting life. Oh, that I might be found among those names written in the Lamb's Book of Life! I'm a terrible sinner just like everyone else. I struggle with the same problems that everyone does. But I keep coming back to the cross and pleading the blood of Jesus. I have no inate merit. My righteousness are as filthy rags. It is insane to think that one can somehow work their way into heaven. The Bible says ""Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy He has saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and the renewing of the Holy Ghost. "" Jesus is our only way to the Father. Not our pitiful attempts to earn our salvation. Jesus said, ""I am the Way the Truth and the Life. No man comes to the Father except through Me. "" You have to come to God (it is clearly taught in the Bible), but you can't unless God makes you come(also a clear teaching. ""No man comes to Me except the Father drag him. "") That leaves you in a particularly strange situation. You have to come, but you can't. I pray about that one a lot. Well, those really are the things I think about. I'm a Christian, and I live in constant awareness of my Creator. ",Emotions: Hopelessness,"I figured that I would put this assignment off a little more---or at least until my thoughts were more collected, but I now realize that they're am as collected now as they're ever be. I think about all that I have to do, assignments in school mostly, but I am also busy thinking about a certain person all the time. I suppose I'm going through sensory overload right now. my brain is working at a million miles an hour to keep up with the information that is being put in as fast as possible. Then there's that person I mentioned. I am confused about a certain guy that I really like. Sounds so tyipical, right? I will have to put those thoughts aside until school is over for the day. I am pretty unhappy with a lot of people that I have met at U. t. They are so interested in having a good time, all the time. Drinking and sex outside of marriage, namely. I ate lunch with an old friend that I haven't seen in a long time, and all he talked about was partying, and the like. I don't drink, because of the law (I'm 18), and I don't believe that anyone should get drunk because that's what the Bible says. Life seems so messed up. I'm not depressed about it, but I am bothered by what I see in the world. I feel a sense of hopelessnes about me, and I know where it is coming from. It started with the fall of man in the Garden of Eden. God has given man over to his wicked desires, and this means that unless God sends revival, things will continue to get worse. Also, I have been reading about the Clinton administration in a book entitled Unlimited Acess, and I think, ""If this is what our president is getting away with who CAN we trust?!"" Of course, I don't put my faith in things which are seen, but things which are not seen. God is in complete control, and no matter how bad things seem, he will take care of His people. Some day, all of this--including the computer that I'm typing on---will burn up. God will come back to gather His elect and the those who are not will burn in the lake of fire forever. this is such a scary thought, but when you think about it it makes perfect sense. God's gift of salvation was totally voluntary on his part. He doesn't have to save anyone. We all deserve damnation because of our sin. We sinned in Adam. But in God's incredible mercy and love he sent Christ as a propitiaton for our sins that we might not perish but have everlasting life. Oh, that I might be found among those names written in the Lamb's Book of Life! I'm a terrible sinner just like everyone else. I struggle with the same problems that everyone does. But I keep coming back to the cross and pleading the blood of Jesus. I have no inate merit. My righteousness are as filthy rags. It is insane to think that one can somehow work their way into heaven. The Bible says ""Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy He has saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and the renewing of the Holy Ghost. "" Jesus is our only way to the Father. Not our pitiful attempts to earn our salvation. Jesus said, ""I am the Way the Truth and the Life. No man comes to the Father except through Me. "" You have to come to God (it is clearly taught in the Bible), but you can't unless God makes you come(also a clear teaching. ""No man comes to Me except the Father drag him. "") That leaves you in a particularly strange situation. You have to come, but you can't. I pray about that one a lot. Well, those really are the things I think about. I'm a Christian, and I live in constant awareness of my Creator. ",Emotions,Hopelessness
1999_673541.txt,"Right now I am feeling very stressed out with all of the work and reading that my professors have given me. In my Language of the Stage class my teacher gave my about 60 pages to read and take notes from and we have to discuss the reading this Friday. It has alredy taken me a good long while to take notes on the first 17 pages. I don't know how I am going to read the rest. I am almost thinking that I should just not do it but if I did that I would feel very guilty about myself for not doing it. So I think that I am going to be pulling an all nighter trying to finish reading and taking noes on the materials. I just think that the work he put on us is a little harsh. That is a lot of work. Now my best friend from home was going to come stay with me one night this weekend. I was so excited because I haven't seen her since we both left for school, but now she is not coming but all of her friends that go to school with her now are going to come. I am so upset because I really wanted to see her. She is going back home to see her family instead. I know that she wanted to come stay with me but she just couldn't but I really wanted her here because I know that we would have had so much fun together and I wanted her to meet all of my friends. Oh well, I know that she will come to see me soon I hope. Well so far I have had a really good time here at school. I have become friends with a lot of cool people and my sister is here also. The only problem is that I have been going ouit almost every single night and it is really wearing me down. It's like I wnat to make good grades in school but I also want to go out and meet new people. I am also a Pi Phi here and so there is always something we have to do during the week. I really need to cut back on going out all the time and try to get some good sleep. I also need to start working out again because I don't want to gain weight and I am really afraid about that. I also want to work out just so that I feel good about myself and feel like I have done something productive for the day. I hate feeling like a slob and that is what I have felt like lately. Well I am having so much fun but I really miss my friends that aren't here. Only a couple of my friends are here but I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know everyone even though it can be hard when you don't know many people already. ",Emotions: Excitement,"Right now I am feeling very stressed out with all of the work and reading that my professors have given me. In my Language of the Stage class my teacher gave my about 60 pages to read and take notes from and we have to discuss the reading this Friday. It has alredy taken me a good long while to take notes on the first 17 pages. I don't know how I am going to read the rest. I am almost thinking that I should just not do it but if I did that I would feel very guilty about myself for not doing it. So I think that I am going to be pulling an all nighter trying to finish reading and taking noes on the materials. I just think that the work he put on us is a little harsh. That is a lot of work. Now my best friend from home was going to come stay with me one night this weekend. I was so excited because I haven't seen her since we both left for school, but now she is not coming but all of her friends that go to school with her now are going to come. I am so upset because I really wanted to see her. She is going back home to see her family instead. I know that she wanted to come stay with me but she just couldn't but I really wanted her here because I know that we would have had so much fun together and I wanted her to meet all of my friends. Oh well, I know that she will come to see me soon I hope. Well so far I have had a really good time here at school. I have become friends with a lot of cool people and my sister is here also. The only problem is that I have been going ouit almost every single night and it is really wearing me down. It's like I wnat to make good grades in school but I also want to go out and meet new people. I am also a Pi Phi here and so there is always something we have to do during the week. I really need to cut back on going out all the time and try to get some good sleep. I also need to start working out again because I don't want to gain weight and I am really afraid about that. I also want to work out just so that I feel good about myself and feel like I have done something productive for the day. I hate feeling like a slob and that is what I have felt like lately. Well I am having so much fun but I really miss my friends that aren't here. Only a couple of my friends are here but I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know everyone even though it can be hard when you don't know many people already. ",Emotions,Excitement
2000_036354.txt,"I have been asked to do this psychology assignment of writing down my train of thoughts and feelings for twenty minutes with out stopping. So far that was my first train of thought  I know it's a boring intro sentence, but yet I'm not allowed to stop and think of how to write more eloquently. I guess that leads me to my next thought  school. This is my first semester at college and there is so much going on. When you asked to write down our stress factor on a scale of 17, I believe I might have marked an 8. There are so many things that are going on, and I want to be able to organize everything in time slots. The only thing is that they keep giving me stuff to do. I suppose you would define ""they"" as professors with homework and S. I meetings, which I really want to attend. Then I had my first sorority meeting last night, and they have so much in store for us this semester. I suppose I should tell you that I love going home  not to see my family (will, sort of that too  you got to love mom and dad!), but I have boyfriend back at Houston. I was planning on going home all these weekends, but it turns out that I have something I have to do that is mandatory on almost every weekend. This boyfriend of mine is totally worth the trouble and stress of going home. I have had the most amazing summer with him just hanging out and doing fun activities. He makes me feel ten times happier when I'm around him and it's just really hard not having him here to help me adjust into this new life style. I do however, talk to him everyday and write him letters. The first week I arrived in Austin, I can honestly say that it sucked because rush drained a lot out of me and then we had to start school with no breaks from rush week. I thought I would be able to adjust better in this big place, because I consider myself an easy going friendly person. There is just so much that is consuming my life right now that I hardly have time to stop and think about what I need to do. I love exercising and used to do it everyday, and now I haven't had time to do any of that this past week because of school. I just hate this time in my life right now when everything is so jumbled up in my brain. I can't wait for the day when I have everything organized and I don't feel too constrained to one aspect of my life. I also hate this time because you don't really know anybody. True, I've met people and they are all really nice, but I haven't gotten to that stage when you can say anything to them and not look stupid. I am really glad that I did join the sorority just so I can meet people, but there are 60 people that I can meet and that's just too much for me to build strong friendships all at once. I do have some friends from back home, but I hardly have time to visit with them because I'm so consumed with everything else. I just need to sit down and relax. I did go home for Labor Day to visit my boyfriend, and that was exactly what I needed  just to hang out with someone who knows you so well. We did basically nothing and it was great not having to worry about anything. That weekend I think was somewhat a turning point in my attitude of college. It just made me realize that it is harder than I thought (adjusting wise) but everything turns out okay in the end. Plus I was happy to know that I do have somebody who loves me just as much as I love him; and that when I'm missing him, he's thinking about me too. I guess it just made me feel not so lost in college knowing that I have a great person back home supporting me every step of the way. Okay, twenty minutes are up. ",Emotions: Love,"I have been asked to do this psychology assignment of writing down my train of thoughts and feelings for twenty minutes with out stopping. So far that was my first train of thought  I know it's a boring intro sentence, but yet I'm not allowed to stop and think of how to write more eloquently. I guess that leads me to my next thought  school. This is my first semester at college and there is so much going on. When you asked to write down our stress factor on a scale of 17, I believe I might have marked an 8. There are so many things that are going on, and I want to be able to organize everything in time slots. The only thing is that they keep giving me stuff to do. I suppose you would define ""they"" as professors with homework and S. I meetings, which I really want to attend. Then I had my first sorority meeting last night, and they have so much in store for us this semester. I suppose I should tell you that I love going home  not to see my family (will, sort of that too  you got to love mom and dad!), but I have boyfriend back at Houston. I was planning on going home all these weekends, but it turns out that I have something I have to do that is mandatory on almost every weekend. This boyfriend of mine is totally worth the trouble and stress of going home. I have had the most amazing summer with him just hanging out and doing fun activities. He makes me feel ten times happier when I'm around him and it's just really hard not having him here to help me adjust into this new life style. I do however, talk to him everyday and write him letters. The first week I arrived in Austin, I can honestly say that it sucked because rush drained a lot out of me and then we had to start school with no breaks from rush week. I thought I would be able to adjust better in this big place, because I consider myself an easy going friendly person. There is just so much that is consuming my life right now that I hardly have time to stop and think about what I need to do. I love exercising and used to do it everyday, and now I haven't had time to do any of that this past week because of school. I just hate this time in my life right now when everything is so jumbled up in my brain. I can't wait for the day when I have everything organized and I don't feel too constrained to one aspect of my life. I also hate this time because you don't really know anybody. True, I've met people and they are all really nice, but I haven't gotten to that stage when you can say anything to them and not look stupid. I am really glad that I did join the sorority just so I can meet people, but there are 60 people that I can meet and that's just too much for me to build strong friendships all at once. I do have some friends from back home, but I hardly have time to visit with them because I'm so consumed with everything else. I just need to sit down and relax. I did go home for Labor Day to visit my boyfriend, and that was exactly what I needed  just to hang out with someone who knows you so well. We did basically nothing and it was great not having to worry about anything. That weekend I think was somewhat a turning point in my attitude of college. It just made me realize that it is harder than I thought (adjusting wise) but everything turns out okay in the end. Plus I was happy to know that I do have somebody who loves me just as much as I love him; and that when I'm missing him, he's thinking about me too. I guess it just made me feel not so lost in college knowing that I have a great person back home supporting me every step of the way. Okay, twenty minutes are up. ",Emotions,Love
2000_618192.txt,"I would guess the only thoughts in my head right now are on weather or not I doing the things I should be. Is the sorority right for me? I really don't like my pledge class that much but I like most of the other girls in Alpha Phi. I don't know I'm just so afraid that I've totally missed God's plan for my life. It worries me. What if Pharmacy isn't where I'm supposed to be. I love listening to people's problems and just being there to help them but I don't know what to do with that. Where are my thoughts headed I'm not exactly sure I let my though wonder lots of times and they just kind of go in every direction. Sometimes the end up to will I ever find the guy I'm supposed to marry? I really do wonder that sometimes. He has to be out there somewhere but where? I don't know. I hate watching Emily and Justin. Its really kind of stupid but its not that its stupid its that I want that too. That guy has to be out there somewhere and I just haven't found him yet but I always want a boyfriends it just seems like lots of time I have bad luck finding one. And it seems that everyone here has one all the freaking time. Its annoying I want to find that Christian perfect guy out there for me. Maybe it is Chris but I doubt it. We're just way to different. I don't know. Its crazy being here at college things are so different. I don't know exactly where I'm supposed to be. Hopefully I'll find it soon. I like the things I'm doing but something's wrong. I have doubts anytime I'm not doing them if that what I'm supposed to be doing but then I'm with those people and I have a great time. It's really confusing. I just need to find that close best friends that I haven't quit found yet. And I really can't wait for next summer its going to be a blast. I think God is putting me there for a purpose but what it is I'm not sure. I just can't wait. I just hope by that time I'll know what it is I'm supposed to be doing here and be totally happy. Its like I feel sometimes I'm putting on a show. It's weird. I hate that I'm kind of in a group who went to high school together. It makes it really hard to fit in. I just need to find my group but hopefully I have now with joining Hyde Park. It'll be all good. Its weird I think that with all the moving I've done it changes things here because I'm used to being on my own and finding new people but it seems so far everyone does stuff with people they already knew or stuff. It's weird. I can't wait though to see some of my old friends. It'll be great fun I miss them lots but then I don't either. I just need to find my new group its what I've been waiting for for a while now and I know that group includes a boyfriend. I guess I'm more ready to find that guy than I wanted to admit. Its not like I'm ready to get married just to find him and start getting to know him better. I just want to find my best friend and that best friend will be the man of my dreams who I will marry and I guess I'm just being impatient to meet him. Very quickly. Because it'll be so neat to find him. I can't wait for tonight because I""LL BE going back to church and that's always fun its my favorite thing to do. It's a good thing. And I don't want to go home this weekend but I know I need to so I'm not to happy about that. Its really weird as I am wiring this I'm seeing more into me of feelings that I've tried to hide but I guess are there more than expected. Its funny I don't know what I'm looking for but I need to find it. I have God and I really want to deepen my relationship with him tremendously. I think I'm on the right path for that. I'll get there soon. I just don't know when. I'm so glad though that I found my church home that makes me feel lots better. Really it does. I just know I have a home now. And my Impulse group is great. I know that will be tons of fun. I just can't wait until Wed when we have it again. I think that will be something I'll look forward to each week because its so much fun. And I think I will get along with my group very well. I really miss my grandma lots. She was like my best friend last semester and I could tell her anything. It was nice and I still can except she doesn't write me long email back. I wish she would it would make it better. But that's ok she's still getting the hang of the Internet. Some day she'll learn how to use it and become a pro. I know she will. I hope there isn't anything really wrong with her leg. That wouldn't be good. I'm sure there's not but you never know and she loves to hide it form everybody which is bad because what if there is something really wrong. IT doesn't do any good to hide it from everybody. She didn't let my grandpa do it so why should we let her do it? Not fair and it won't happen. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I would guess the only thoughts in my head right now are on weather or not I doing the things I should be. Is the sorority right for me? I really don't like my pledge class that much but I like most of the other girls in Alpha Phi. I don't know I'm just so afraid that I've totally missed God's plan for my life. It worries me. What if Pharmacy isn't where I'm supposed to be. I love listening to people's problems and just being there to help them but I don't know what to do with that. Where are my thoughts headed I'm not exactly sure I let my though wonder lots of times and they just kind of go in every direction. Sometimes the end up to will I ever find the guy I'm supposed to marry? I really do wonder that sometimes. He has to be out there somewhere but where? I don't know. I hate watching Emily and Justin. Its really kind of stupid but its not that its stupid its that I want that too. That guy has to be out there somewhere and I just haven't found him yet but I always want a boyfriends it just seems like lots of time I have bad luck finding one. And it seems that everyone here has one all the freaking time. Its annoying I want to find that Christian perfect guy out there for me. Maybe it is Chris but I doubt it. We're just way to different. I don't know. Its crazy being here at college things are so different. I don't know exactly where I'm supposed to be. Hopefully I'll find it soon. I like the things I'm doing but something's wrong. I have doubts anytime I'm not doing them if that what I'm supposed to be doing but then I'm with those people and I have a great time. It's really confusing. I just need to find that close best friends that I haven't quit found yet. And I really can't wait for next summer its going to be a blast. I think God is putting me there for a purpose but what it is I'm not sure. I just can't wait. I just hope by that time I'll know what it is I'm supposed to be doing here and be totally happy. Its like I feel sometimes I'm putting on a show. It's weird. I hate that I'm kind of in a group who went to high school together. It makes it really hard to fit in. I just need to find my group but hopefully I have now with joining Hyde Park. It'll be all good. Its weird I think that with all the moving I've done it changes things here because I'm used to being on my own and finding new people but it seems so far everyone does stuff with people they already knew or stuff. It's weird. I can't wait though to see some of my old friends. It'll be great fun I miss them lots but then I don't either. I just need to find my new group its what I've been waiting for for a while now and I know that group includes a boyfriend. I guess I'm more ready to find that guy than I wanted to admit. Its not like I'm ready to get married just to find him and start getting to know him better. I just want to find my best friend and that best friend will be the man of my dreams who I will marry and I guess I'm just being impatient to meet him. Very quickly. Because it'll be so neat to find him. I can't wait for tonight because I""LL BE going back to church and that's always fun its my favorite thing to do. It's a good thing. And I don't want to go home this weekend but I know I need to so I'm not to happy about that. Its really weird as I am wiring this I'm seeing more into me of feelings that I've tried to hide but I guess are there more than expected. Its funny I don't know what I'm looking for but I need to find it. I have God and I really want to deepen my relationship with him tremendously. I think I'm on the right path for that. I'll get there soon. I just don't know when. I'm so glad though that I found my church home that makes me feel lots better. Really it does. I just know I have a home now. And my Impulse group is great. I know that will be tons of fun. I just can't wait until Wed when we have it again. I think that will be something I'll look forward to each week because its so much fun. And I think I will get along with my group very well. I really miss my grandma lots. She was like my best friend last semester and I could tell her anything. It was nice and I still can except she doesn't write me long email back. I wish she would it would make it better. But that's ok she's still getting the hang of the Internet. Some day she'll learn how to use it and become a pro. I know she will. I hope there isn't anything really wrong with her leg. That wouldn't be good. I'm sure there's not but you never know and she loves to hide it form everybody which is bad because what if there is something really wrong. IT doesn't do any good to hide it from everybody. She didn't let my grandpa do it so why should we let her do it? Not fair and it won't happen. ",Emotions,Anxiety
2004_257.txt,"     well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students!  so why am I here?  Am I anywhere better than them?  Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people?  what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell?  hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing?  I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here?  Or is it something else?  Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that?  What am I searching for?  Trying to reach a perfect life?  I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first ""friend"" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they?  People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom?  What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation?  Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles?  I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture!  That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!!  And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid. ",Emotions: Frustration,"     well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students!  so why am I here?  Am I anywhere better than them?  Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people?  what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell?  hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing?  I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here?  Or is it something else?  Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that?  What am I searching for?  Trying to reach a perfect life?  I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first ""friend"" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they?  People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom?  What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation?  Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles?  I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture!  That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!!  And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid. ",Emotions,Frustration
2003_397.txt,"I am beginning to write this assignment and I'm thinking that is a pretty big waste of time. I'm already bored and I don't like it. I can smell the bread I got at la madelines and it smells pretty good. I don't normally eat there so it was a treat and I was there with a good friend so it was pretty fun. my friend/roommate just flushed the toilet and I think it sucks down pretty hard. alright only eighteen minutes to go. the more I smell the bread the more I want to eat it. it smells really good. the tv is on right now and it is on mtv, the voice of our generation. I was watching a show on christina aguilara and realized how gorgeous she really was when she dresses normally. man I'm hungry!  I got to say I want to pierce my lip. the more I think about it the more I want to do it. I think it would so cool. and I want a tattoo. too bad my dad is anal about stuff like that. oh well, one of these days. we better beat the hell out of arkansas next saturday or I'll be pissed. my friend made me laugh because he heard this commercial for the dumbest movie ever, malibu's most wanted. I could go for some cereal. my mom's in europe on a cruise right now. queer eye for the straight guy is the dumbest excuse for television ever. what a waste of time that was. they don't even dress like straight guys. they are really gay and there style sucks. jimmy fallon is a funny guy I met him in new york. it is weird how peoples minds drift. I wish I could be a professional assassin. not even a ninja assassin, just one with a cool silenced gun. I don't know why. it just seems cool. to take care"" of evil men. like in the boondock saints, the greatest movie ever. I hope I get to run track in the spring and I make the team. that would be like a dream come true. I would be a college athlete. that would be neat. and all the ladies love that. I think music is a great thing. I hope I find a bassist for my man while I'm here and we can play a show here at emo's. this is taking a lot longer than I thought it would. beyonce knowles is a good looking' woman. I don't know why she likes jay-z. to be famous would be nice, but to be a doctor would be nicer because I earned that. good charlotte sucks. they are terrible live and I don't get why people like them. the guitarist isn't even good. I'm half way done. that is nice to know. my mind is being strained. the texans one today and they beat the dolphins. that is awesome because some thought the dolphins would win the super bowl. we'll see about that. texas football rules. my old high school one its first game of the season yesterday and they did well. my little brother one his first high school of his career and he was pretty proud. He is on the a team and that is a big deal. blah blah, that is what my mind thinks. its neat to see what people can think of. I need to buy some milk for my room. I could go fro some cocoa-cocoa dyno bytes. they are so good, and chocolaty. mmmmmm. delicious. instant messaging is an interesting concept in these connected times of ours. that would suck to be a worm. have no legs and what not, I need to get xp for my computer so I have word, excell and power point. that would be nice. only six minutes to go. I don't know why people love asses so much. its kinda gross when people think about what they really are. chris rock is pretty find. he just has a really big mouth and I'm surprised he hasn't gotten beaten up. it was jack black's birthday not too long ago and he is really funny. I just started showing my friend how to play the guitar and she is doing pretty well. probably because she knows how to play the violin. david blaine is the most amazing street magician ever. the olsen twins are worth over a billion dollars. rock music is the best sort of music because I can get into it more I think. rap isn't real music. just like good charlotte. I like evanescence because that girl is hot and linkin park is good because they are different. the white stripes suck however because that girl can't drum to save her life. it is interesting to see how people interact. I don't know why. maybe that is why I want to be a psychiatrist. I'm trying to spell correctly on this and I don't know why. maybe so you can understand what is being typed on this crazy assignment. linkin park won the best rock video award. it was interesting. I don't know why. that band has a lot of asians in it. metallica is a well received band because they are good. I could never be a typical rock star because I can't think I could be that mean to people. ",Emotions: Impulsivity,"I am beginning to write this assignment and I'm thinking that is a pretty big waste of time. I'm already bored and I don't like it. I can smell the bread I got at la madelines and it smells pretty good. I don't normally eat there so it was a treat and I was there with a good friend so it was pretty fun. my friend/roommate just flushed the toilet and I think it sucks down pretty hard. alright only eighteen minutes to go. the more I smell the bread the more I want to eat it. it smells really good. the tv is on right now and it is on mtv, the voice of our generation. I was watching a show on christina aguilara and realized how gorgeous she really was when she dresses normally. man I'm hungry!  I got to say I want to pierce my lip. the more I think about it the more I want to do it. I think it would so cool. and I want a tattoo. too bad my dad is anal about stuff like that. oh well, one of these days. we better beat the hell out of arkansas next saturday or I'll be pissed. my friend made me laugh because he heard this commercial for the dumbest movie ever, malibu's most wanted. I could go for some cereal. my mom's in europe on a cruise right now. queer eye for the straight guy is the dumbest excuse for television ever. what a waste of time that was. they don't even dress like straight guys. they are really gay and there style sucks. jimmy fallon is a funny guy I met him in new york. it is weird how peoples minds drift. I wish I could be a professional assassin. not even a ninja assassin, just one with a cool silenced gun. I don't know why. it just seems cool. to take care"" of evil men. like in the boondock saints, the greatest movie ever. I hope I get to run track in the spring and I make the team. that would be like a dream come true. I would be a college athlete. that would be neat. and all the ladies love that. I think music is a great thing. I hope I find a bassist for my man while I'm here and we can play a show here at emo's. this is taking a lot longer than I thought it would. beyonce knowles is a good looking' woman. I don't know why she likes jay-z. to be famous would be nice, but to be a doctor would be nicer because I earned that. good charlotte sucks. they are terrible live and I don't get why people like them. the guitarist isn't even good. I'm half way done. that is nice to know. my mind is being strained. the texans one today and they beat the dolphins. that is awesome because some thought the dolphins would win the super bowl. we'll see about that. texas football rules. my old high school one its first game of the season yesterday and they did well. my little brother one his first high school of his career and he was pretty proud. He is on the a team and that is a big deal. blah blah, that is what my mind thinks. its neat to see what people can think of. I need to buy some milk for my room. I could go fro some cocoa-cocoa dyno bytes. they are so good, and chocolaty. mmmmmm. delicious. instant messaging is an interesting concept in these connected times of ours. that would suck to be a worm. have no legs and what not, I need to get xp for my computer so I have word, excell and power point. that would be nice. only six minutes to go. I don't know why people love asses so much. its kinda gross when people think about what they really are. chris rock is pretty find. he just has a really big mouth and I'm surprised he hasn't gotten beaten up. it was jack black's birthday not too long ago and he is really funny. I just started showing my friend how to play the guitar and she is doing pretty well. probably because she knows how to play the violin. david blaine is the most amazing street magician ever. the olsen twins are worth over a billion dollars. rock music is the best sort of music because I can get into it more I think. rap isn't real music. just like good charlotte. I like evanescence because that girl is hot and linkin park is good because they are different. the white stripes suck however because that girl can't drum to save her life. it is interesting to see how people interact. I don't know why. maybe that is why I want to be a psychiatrist. I'm trying to spell correctly on this and I don't know why. maybe so you can understand what is being typed on this crazy assignment. linkin park won the best rock video award. it was interesting. I don't know why. that band has a lot of asians in it. metallica is a well received band because they are good. I could never be a typical rock star because I can't think I could be that mean to people. ",Emotions,Impulsivity
1998_930178.txt,"not as much concentration, nor as deep a thought. I have always had a problem with being too easily distracted - like now I just lost my train of thought. I try to think about too many things at once and I do not really have a choice about what I think. when I was doin the pretesting I often found that if any question required any thought or recoolection at all I was drawn a blank at it. I simply could not look deeply into what I saw. I have related this problem to many possible sources - this is why I decided that I did not want to smoke marijuana. it is also why I am thinking that I should not smoke. it is possible that smoking could have a depressive effect on the mind. maybe I do not drink enough water, or sleep too little or too much. there really is no way to know for certain. I should probably just lead the best life that I know how instead of the easiest, which is what I do. I know there are things I need to get done, things that I do which are just wasting my time, and things that I know are just plain wrong but I always reason my way around these issues. or rather I just stop myself from thinking about them. it really cannot be good to be like this - I am feeling like I inhaled a little too much glue - actually I am probably just using the computer too much. by continuously focusing on an external source of entertainment right in front of me I feel that I am rotting my brain. this assignment is not helping either because I am not allowed to stop and think about things - once again I am simply functioning on the basest level possible. I like the movie the stand a lot, and I have read the entire book once and the first half two more times. I never really can finish it, but this last time that was because I decided that reading was bad for me. in all honesty, it is probably better for me thatn enything else I do because it might encourage deep thought. I should probably also listen to music without words - one is forced to think deeply with that because there is nothing else really for your mind to do. I listen to the play les miserables all the time now - and it is interesting because it is a very sad play - in a way it makes me sadder than anything. I feel like I would cry if I would ever cry, but I never do. I cry maybe once every year or two, and it is usually for something silly. the last time I cried sincerely was when highschool ended I had just listened to I will remember you, the sound they played at graduation. I also saw grease and st. elmo's fire, both of which remind me of high school. soon after I cried quite a bit over the loss of something which I didn't really care about in the first place. I think it is because I have never liked the end of anything, and the end of highschool is much like the end of the first section of you life. although there is a marginal change from elementary to junior high, and junior high to high school, they are still organized schools in the public school system, often ever within the same school district. every day at 7 am you get up to prepare for school which you are required to go to at 8. there are tardies and classes and a bell and teachers that know your name. lunch is in a cafeteria at a specific time and there is a meal of the day that you must pay your 1. 50 or 1. 75 for. it is really all the same thing, just twelve different grades in the same school. college is more like a job than like the old school system - it is a huge change. I simply hope that my friends don't go crazy and decide to move off or something after college. this would be the death of me because I will not, can not, and don't want to make new friends. however, I have found that no contact with friends slowly drives me mad. I would love for me jere and nolan and robert to stay local forever. I would like them all to, but I do not see how I could live without at least (robert and nolan), (jeremy and robert), (mark and robert), (robert and ben), (jeremy and ben), (jeremy and mark). therse combinations would be able to keep me satisfied for just about forever. of course, you know the freakin psychos will all go off and get married like the sick bastards that they are. they should read a little bit of saint paul, the fools. he knew the wisdom about not getting married. that was one of the things that pissed me off about your pretest. it asked is my shyness  interfered with my dating or something like that. no, my shyness doesn't interfere with my freaking dating, cause I don't date!  I never will date, I barely ever have dated, and I think that people who do date should be lined up and flogged until they come to their senses. in my junior year people always used to say, well craig, you are just bitter cause you can't get any. well, at the time that was partially true, but since then I have had opportunity galore. in my senior year, jana (the cheer leader), heather, myriah, jill, and melissa all openly admitted that they liked me. did I pursue?  did I?  well, I admit I foolishly wen out with jana (worst mistake of my life, btw). but no one can say that I can't get any. no sir. there was a girl on my floor last year that may have liked me (the only girl I have bothered to meet in all of college so far). peopl also say well just wait until you meet the right person craig - then you will change your mind. well who are they kidding?  I already said that I had no interest in meeting any people at all. I have met basically zero peopl since I have been in college. I met my roommate, and I briefly spoke to nero and christina (I think that was her name) but that is it. I have met no one in my classes nor do I have any remote interest in meeting them. once last year a girl called me up to ask me to study with her (highly possible that she was interested in me as well) but I had no interest in doing so. I sat there in terror hoping that she wouldn't ask me to study with her, for I would have to turn her down which I hate to do. that will probably how I will end up getting hitched. I just won't be able to say no. I am terrible at that. ",Emotions: Sadness,"not as much concentration, nor as deep a thought. I have always had a problem with being too easily distracted - like now I just lost my train of thought. I try to think about too many things at once and I do not really have a choice about what I think. when I was doin the pretesting I often found that if any question required any thought or recoolection at all I was drawn a blank at it. I simply could not look deeply into what I saw. I have related this problem to many possible sources - this is why I decided that I did not want to smoke marijuana. it is also why I am thinking that I should not smoke. it is possible that smoking could have a depressive effect on the mind. maybe I do not drink enough water, or sleep too little or too much. there really is no way to know for certain. I should probably just lead the best life that I know how instead of the easiest, which is what I do. I know there are things I need to get done, things that I do which are just wasting my time, and things that I know are just plain wrong but I always reason my way around these issues. or rather I just stop myself from thinking about them. it really cannot be good to be like this - I am feeling like I inhaled a little too much glue - actually I am probably just using the computer too much. by continuously focusing on an external source of entertainment right in front of me I feel that I am rotting my brain. this assignment is not helping either because I am not allowed to stop and think about things - once again I am simply functioning on the basest level possible. I like the movie the stand a lot, and I have read the entire book once and the first half two more times. I never really can finish it, but this last time that was because I decided that reading was bad for me. in all honesty, it is probably better for me thatn enything else I do because it might encourage deep thought. I should probably also listen to music without words - one is forced to think deeply with that because there is nothing else really for your mind to do. I listen to the play les miserables all the time now - and it is interesting because it is a very sad play - in a way it makes me sadder than anything. I feel like I would cry if I would ever cry, but I never do. I cry maybe once every year or two, and it is usually for something silly. the last time I cried sincerely was when highschool ended I had just listened to I will remember you, the sound they played at graduation. I also saw grease and st. elmo's fire, both of which remind me of high school. soon after I cried quite a bit over the loss of something which I didn't really care about in the first place. I think it is because I have never liked the end of anything, and the end of highschool is much like the end of the first section of you life. although there is a marginal change from elementary to junior high, and junior high to high school, they are still organized schools in the public school system, often ever within the same school district. every day at 7 am you get up to prepare for school which you are required to go to at 8. there are tardies and classes and a bell and teachers that know your name. lunch is in a cafeteria at a specific time and there is a meal of the day that you must pay your 1. 50 or 1. 75 for. it is really all the same thing, just twelve different grades in the same school. college is more like a job than like the old school system - it is a huge change. I simply hope that my friends don't go crazy and decide to move off or something after college. this would be the death of me because I will not, can not, and don't want to make new friends. however, I have found that no contact with friends slowly drives me mad. I would love for me jere and nolan and robert to stay local forever. I would like them all to, but I do not see how I could live without at least (robert and nolan), (jeremy and robert), (mark and robert), (robert and ben), (jeremy and ben), (jeremy and mark). therse combinations would be able to keep me satisfied for just about forever. of course, you know the freakin psychos will all go off and get married like the sick bastards that they are. they should read a little bit of saint paul, the fools. he knew the wisdom about not getting married. that was one of the things that pissed me off about your pretest. it asked is my shyness  interfered with my dating or something like that. no, my shyness doesn't interfere with my freaking dating, cause I don't date!  I never will date, I barely ever have dated, and I think that people who do date should be lined up and flogged until they come to their senses. in my junior year people always used to say, well craig, you are just bitter cause you can't get any. well, at the time that was partially true, but since then I have had opportunity galore. in my senior year, jana (the cheer leader), heather, myriah, jill, and melissa all openly admitted that they liked me. did I pursue?  did I?  well, I admit I foolishly wen out with jana (worst mistake of my life, btw). but no one can say that I can't get any. no sir. there was a girl on my floor last year that may have liked me (the only girl I have bothered to meet in all of college so far). peopl also say well just wait until you meet the right person craig - then you will change your mind. well who are they kidding?  I already said that I had no interest in meeting any people at all. I have met basically zero peopl since I have been in college. I met my roommate, and I briefly spoke to nero and christina (I think that was her name) but that is it. I have met no one in my classes nor do I have any remote interest in meeting them. once last year a girl called me up to ask me to study with her (highly possible that she was interested in me as well) but I had no interest in doing so. I sat there in terror hoping that she wouldn't ask me to study with her, for I would have to turn her down which I hate to do. that will probably how I will end up getting hitched. I just won't be able to say no. I am terrible at that. ",Emotions,Sadness
2000_556394.txt,"Okay, I am starting to write for this assignment. I don't really know what I'm supposed to write, but I guess it's sort of like a journal and I'm supposed to write whatever I am thinking. I am kind of overwhelmed by school right now. It is so big here, and it's kind scary. I'm used to knowing everyone around, but here I don't know anyone. Friends is on right now. It's pretty funny. I miss being in Houston where everything is normal. I'm not used to the times shows come on here. This sounds really stupid, like I am just rambling on about nothing. Friends is funny. Am I doing this right? I don't know if this is what y'all are asking me to do. I miss John, the guy I am dating from Houston. I don't really want anything serious with him, but I like him a lot so I am kind of confused on what I should do. Should I have my fun and not date someone I really like a lot, or should I date him and maybe miss out on opportunities to have fun at school. I don't know I am not sure. And then there is my exboyfriend Ricky. I don't want to be with him, but sometimes I miss him. I think it is only when I think back on high school I think about the good times we had and I miss that. I also don't like it that maybe I made the wrong choice in not wanting him and moving on. What if I totally regret it in the future, and I want him back, but he doesn't want me. That would be horrible. I don't know. I'm just pretty confused right now. I don't know what I want about anything. It's hard getting used to everything around here. I miss the show 90210. I was just thinking about it for some weird reason. That used to be my favorite show, but it got cancelled. I'm supposed to go to a frat party tonight but I don't know if I'm going to go or not. My roommate doesn't want to go cause she needs to do work. She's the same major as me. She's a pretty good influence on me. She gets me to go to meetings and stuff that I probably wouldn't go to if it weren't for her dragging me to them. I am filming the volley ball game on Saturday for a live broadcast. I'm glad I am getting involved somehow. I tried to get tickets to the OU game, but I couldn't they were already sold out when I was supposed to get them. I'm pretty bored right now. I probably have lots of grammar mistakes in here, but since I'm free writing, I don't think it really matters. At least I hope it doesn't matter. I'm a little scared about grades. I hope tests and stuff are not too hard. I'm not really thinking about anything right now, so I have nothing to right except that I have nothing in my head. This is a little hard; to right only what you are thinking and not thinking of something to write. I'm glad it rained today, it was nice. I love the rain. Ever since I was a life guard I have loved the rain, cause we got to close the pool and sit around getting paid for doing nothing a miss those days, back in the summer of my freshmen year. Everything was so easy back then, it kind of makes me sad thinking about it, but oh well, I guess I'll make new memories, and have a different kind if fun. Okay, well my time is up. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"Okay, I am starting to write for this assignment. I don't really know what I'm supposed to write, but I guess it's sort of like a journal and I'm supposed to write whatever I am thinking. I am kind of overwhelmed by school right now. It is so big here, and it's kind scary. I'm used to knowing everyone around, but here I don't know anyone. Friends is on right now. It's pretty funny. I miss being in Houston where everything is normal. I'm not used to the times shows come on here. This sounds really stupid, like I am just rambling on about nothing. Friends is funny. Am I doing this right? I don't know if this is what y'all are asking me to do. I miss John, the guy I am dating from Houston. I don't really want anything serious with him, but I like him a lot so I am kind of confused on what I should do. Should I have my fun and not date someone I really like a lot, or should I date him and maybe miss out on opportunities to have fun at school. I don't know I am not sure. And then there is my exboyfriend Ricky. I don't want to be with him, but sometimes I miss him. I think it is only when I think back on high school I think about the good times we had and I miss that. I also don't like it that maybe I made the wrong choice in not wanting him and moving on. What if I totally regret it in the future, and I want him back, but he doesn't want me. That would be horrible. I don't know. I'm just pretty confused right now. I don't know what I want about anything. It's hard getting used to everything around here. I miss the show 90210. I was just thinking about it for some weird reason. That used to be my favorite show, but it got cancelled. I'm supposed to go to a frat party tonight but I don't know if I'm going to go or not. My roommate doesn't want to go cause she needs to do work. She's the same major as me. She's a pretty good influence on me. She gets me to go to meetings and stuff that I probably wouldn't go to if it weren't for her dragging me to them. I am filming the volley ball game on Saturday for a live broadcast. I'm glad I am getting involved somehow. I tried to get tickets to the OU game, but I couldn't they were already sold out when I was supposed to get them. I'm pretty bored right now. I probably have lots of grammar mistakes in here, but since I'm free writing, I don't think it really matters. At least I hope it doesn't matter. I'm a little scared about grades. I hope tests and stuff are not too hard. I'm not really thinking about anything right now, so I have nothing to right except that I have nothing in my head. This is a little hard; to right only what you are thinking and not thinking of something to write. I'm glad it rained today, it was nice. I love the rain. Ever since I was a life guard I have loved the rain, cause we got to close the pool and sit around getting paid for doing nothing a miss those days, back in the summer of my freshmen year. Everything was so easy back then, it kind of makes me sad thinking about it, but oh well, I guess I'll make new memories, and have a different kind if fun. Okay, well my time is up. ",Emotions,Anxiety
2000_672399.txt,"I just woke up and I'm a little confused as I try to figure out what subject I should be studying and which assignments I should be working on. This is all new to me. High school was nothing like this, never had to study. Now I really know what stress is supposed to feel like. Not that the classes are tough yet. I guess I'm used to being lazy. The food here is getting old and I'm scared of gaining that ""freshman 15. "" Tonight family is coming in, can't wait, a nice paid for meal. Lately I've been feeling sad. I parted from my 2 best friends a month ago to be here and now I can see how much I really depended on them. My life is so different. I have to try and fit into the friendships that were already made here this summer during provisionals. It's not fun. They're all in the sorority and I'm sick of going out every night. I talked to my best friends Amy and Christa everyday either on the phone or Internet. I don't know what I'd do without AIM. I miss them so much. I'm going home this weekend I need to see some familiar faces. I'm not one to be homesick I just feel I have no sort of comfort zone here even though I should. I mean my brother lives here but has his own life with his job and girlfriend. So I barely get to see him ever. I've been really sad the past 2 weeks. It's just been really hard. My boyfriend of 8 months is in the Marines and lives in 29 Palms, California. He doesn't get much time off with his new duties that he was promoted to so he had 96 hours off during Labor Day weekend and drove 1600miles to see me. I can't even believe it still, that 21hour drive had to be horrible. That's what keeps me going everyday. How much I can see by the way he's shown me, how much he cares and loves me that he would come all the way here. He finally bought a cell phone so we could talk easier instead of him waiting in the 2hour phone lines they have at the payphones everyday. He's also getting a job for his days off at a western wear store. He wants more money, he's so responsible, as if being in the marines isn't hard enough work already. Its really expensive with all the gas to drive here all they time and the flights are just crazy. I'm going to try and fly there for his birthday. I know my parents would absolutely kill me. I love him so much and we're of different religions so almost for a year now I've had to deal with my parents. I can't stand it, its drives me crazy inside sometimes how disapproving they are of someone they won't even get to know. It's not fair to me. They should be happy as long as he makes me happy. I would never not be with someone because of a religion that they were born into. Not to mention, the fact that we're both not deeply committed to our religions or were brought up that way. I can feel the tension and hurt coming up in the future. When he gets out we will be very close. He'll go to Southwest and we'll be together everyday, hopefully for the rest of our lives. I don't know, its just one more thing added on to my stress factors. Sometimes it's just easier to cry it all out but when I let that happen sometimes it lasts for almost 24 hours straight and I make myself sick. I've been sick all week and I hate it. I should be studying and I can't focus or keep myself to concentrate. I have to learn. I have to stick with it. I've decided I'm not going to go out at night unless it's a big function that I care about. It's not worth it. The party scene is old. I've been coming up to Austin the past 4 years for the big parties, pat O's, Atlantic city, and they just don't do anything for me anymore. I guess that would probably be because I don't drink and I don't' care to ""hook up"" with anyone so basically since those are the 2 main reasons that those fraternities have parties, they really just don't interest me. I'm personally fine with going to dinner with a couple of my girlfriends and renting a sappy movie and eating a lot of junk food. But that's just me. Something I do love here though is that I don't shower to go to class, don't get dressed up nor have I touched my make up bag since I left home. How fun is that? I love it. I just really don't care. Basically my plan is to try and focus on my studies, I won't have any boys here to distract me cause the only one I love isn't here. I'll do well in school and in the end we'll be able to be together. He has about 1 year and 10months left, but I figure I can make it. I mean he's already been in there for 2yrs and 2months and I've stood by his side the entire time, even before he joined. He means the world to me. I just can't even imagine my life without him and that's why I plan on staying with him. I know people think I'm dumb, that I'm wasting my college years staying committed to a long distance relationship, but I don't know why it would be dumb. As long as I'm happy why should I care right? I don't know, this whole college thing is really going to take some getting used to. I mean, me, doing my own laundry? That's just funny. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I just woke up and I'm a little confused as I try to figure out what subject I should be studying and which assignments I should be working on. This is all new to me. High school was nothing like this, never had to study. Now I really know what stress is supposed to feel like. Not that the classes are tough yet. I guess I'm used to being lazy. The food here is getting old and I'm scared of gaining that ""freshman 15. "" Tonight family is coming in, can't wait, a nice paid for meal. Lately I've been feeling sad. I parted from my 2 best friends a month ago to be here and now I can see how much I really depended on them. My life is so different. I have to try and fit into the friendships that were already made here this summer during provisionals. It's not fun. They're all in the sorority and I'm sick of going out every night. I talked to my best friends Amy and Christa everyday either on the phone or Internet. I don't know what I'd do without AIM. I miss them so much. I'm going home this weekend I need to see some familiar faces. I'm not one to be homesick I just feel I have no sort of comfort zone here even though I should. I mean my brother lives here but has his own life with his job and girlfriend. So I barely get to see him ever. I've been really sad the past 2 weeks. It's just been really hard. My boyfriend of 8 months is in the Marines and lives in 29 Palms, California. He doesn't get much time off with his new duties that he was promoted to so he had 96 hours off during Labor Day weekend and drove 1600miles to see me. I can't even believe it still, that 21hour drive had to be horrible. That's what keeps me going everyday. How much I can see by the way he's shown me, how much he cares and loves me that he would come all the way here. He finally bought a cell phone so we could talk easier instead of him waiting in the 2hour phone lines they have at the payphones everyday. He's also getting a job for his days off at a western wear store. He wants more money, he's so responsible, as if being in the marines isn't hard enough work already. Its really expensive with all the gas to drive here all they time and the flights are just crazy. I'm going to try and fly there for his birthday. I know my parents would absolutely kill me. I love him so much and we're of different religions so almost for a year now I've had to deal with my parents. I can't stand it, its drives me crazy inside sometimes how disapproving they are of someone they won't even get to know. It's not fair to me. They should be happy as long as he makes me happy. I would never not be with someone because of a religion that they were born into. Not to mention, the fact that we're both not deeply committed to our religions or were brought up that way. I can feel the tension and hurt coming up in the future. When he gets out we will be very close. He'll go to Southwest and we'll be together everyday, hopefully for the rest of our lives. I don't know, its just one more thing added on to my stress factors. Sometimes it's just easier to cry it all out but when I let that happen sometimes it lasts for almost 24 hours straight and I make myself sick. I've been sick all week and I hate it. I should be studying and I can't focus or keep myself to concentrate. I have to learn. I have to stick with it. I've decided I'm not going to go out at night unless it's a big function that I care about. It's not worth it. The party scene is old. I've been coming up to Austin the past 4 years for the big parties, pat O's, Atlantic city, and they just don't do anything for me anymore. I guess that would probably be because I don't drink and I don't' care to ""hook up"" with anyone so basically since those are the 2 main reasons that those fraternities have parties, they really just don't interest me. I'm personally fine with going to dinner with a couple of my girlfriends and renting a sappy movie and eating a lot of junk food. But that's just me. Something I do love here though is that I don't shower to go to class, don't get dressed up nor have I touched my make up bag since I left home. How fun is that? I love it. I just really don't care. Basically my plan is to try and focus on my studies, I won't have any boys here to distract me cause the only one I love isn't here. I'll do well in school and in the end we'll be able to be together. He has about 1 year and 10months left, but I figure I can make it. I mean he's already been in there for 2yrs and 2months and I've stood by his side the entire time, even before he joined. He means the world to me. I just can't even imagine my life without him and that's why I plan on staying with him. I know people think I'm dumb, that I'm wasting my college years staying committed to a long distance relationship, but I don't know why it would be dumb. As long as I'm happy why should I care right? I don't know, this whole college thing is really going to take some getting used to. I mean, me, doing my own laundry? That's just funny. ",Emotions,Anxiety
2004_286.txt,"At this very moment I feel anoyed and somewhat angry at what I see everyday. For example, there was a notice on my apartment door that I read after coming home from school. It stated that there was a homicide in the apartment complex. about 3 days ago there was another notice that warned about an armed robbery nearby. When I ride the Ut shuttle busses to school, I notice that now a days there is no sense of courtesy, nobody thanks the driver and students don't even bother to notice traffic when crossing streets. everyone is too caught up in their own little worlds to even show some form of humane decency. I don't know why I get angry when I think of this, maybe I pay too much attention to things I shouldn't. I have always disliked people but loved individuals, but what can be done to improve or avoid ignorence bbut to simply choose not to act irrational. enough of that. Now I am beggining to think of all the things I must do. I feel rather confused because I don't know if I should quite my job. It is not easy at all to be a full time student and work over 30 hours a week as a waiter at Antonios Tex Mex. On top of that, I just moved from apartment complexes, and I have not completely finished orginizing my stuff at my new apartment. There is an empty Burger King bag infront of me and I feel guilty. You see about 1 year and 5 months ago, I used to be very fit, I mean I had it all. I'm 6 ft. tall, and during that time, I weighed about 200 lbs but out of pure muscle, I was scorching hot. That is around the time I meat my girlfriend (I hope you don't think this is cheesy) and so we got together; about five months passed, and I just ballooned into 265 lbs. The reason I stated earlier that I felt guilty for eating the burger was because I am trying to get back in shape. And I also feel bad because I know that my partner worries about my health. But I do get satisfaction and happiness due to the choices I've made in my life, I chose to stay in school and never do drugs, also I have a person who has been with me in great times as well as tough times, and has had love for me in my horrible looking days as much as in my good looking days.       ",Thinking styles: Introverted,"At this very moment I feel anoyed and somewhat angry at what I see everyday. For example, there was a notice on my apartment door that I read after coming home from school. It stated that there was a homicide in the apartment complex. about 3 days ago there was another notice that warned about an armed robbery nearby. When I ride the Ut shuttle busses to school, I notice that now a days there is no sense of courtesy, nobody thanks the driver and students don't even bother to notice traffic when crossing streets. everyone is too caught up in their own little worlds to even show some form of humane decency. I don't know why I get angry when I think of this, maybe I pay too much attention to things I shouldn't. I have always disliked people but loved individuals, but what can be done to improve or avoid ignorence bbut to simply choose not to act irrational. enough of that. Now I am beggining to think of all the things I must do. I feel rather confused because I don't know if I should quite my job. It is not easy at all to be a full time student and work over 30 hours a week as a waiter at Antonios Tex Mex. On top of that, I just moved from apartment complexes, and I have not completely finished orginizing my stuff at my new apartment. There is an empty Burger King bag infront of me and I feel guilty. You see about 1 year and 5 months ago, I used to be very fit, I mean I had it all. I'm 6 ft. tall, and during that time, I weighed about 200 lbs but out of pure muscle, I was scorching hot. That is around the time I meat my girlfriend (I hope you don't think this is cheesy) and so we got together; about five months passed, and I just ballooned into 265 lbs. The reason I stated earlier that I felt guilty for eating the burger was because I am trying to get back in shape. And I also feel bad because I know that my partner worries about my health. But I do get satisfaction and happiness due to the choices I've made in my life, I chose to stay in school and never do drugs, also I have a person who has been with me in great times as well as tough times, and has had love for me in my horrible looking days as much as in my good looking days.       ",Thinking styles,Introverted
1997_918806.txt,"I'm just sitting here thinking while I wait for my clothes to clean. While sitting here I realize how much my life is different in Austin rather than two hundred and eighty miles away in Nederland. For example, I always had someone to do my laundry there and if I did it myself I never had to wait for a washing machine. The thing I miss most about Nederland is not having my friends around. Even though my best friend and my girlfriend are also attending U. T and both are staying in Jester I still miss my other friends a lot. I always thought when I came to Austin it was going to be so much fun, but now I realize there is a lot of work involved. Only a week has gone by since I got here and I already have so much to do. That is another thing I miss about home, the ability to do nothing if I so desire. Here ""doing nothing"" is not an option. I feel that if I do nothing I will fall behind and just be wasting time. I miss the little things about home. Even though my girlfriend lives here I miss being able to go to each others house. Sure we can go to each others dorm rooms but I miss the feeling of home and hanging out with her family and mine. That is another thing I have not mentioned yet, I miss my family. I honestly did not think I would but I do. I guess over time I will grow accustomed to living here and maybe eventually be able to call Austin my home. Well, it's time to put the clothes in the dryer so I guess this is the end. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I'm just sitting here thinking while I wait for my clothes to clean. While sitting here I realize how much my life is different in Austin rather than two hundred and eighty miles away in Nederland. For example, I always had someone to do my laundry there and if I did it myself I never had to wait for a washing machine. The thing I miss most about Nederland is not having my friends around. Even though my best friend and my girlfriend are also attending U. T and both are staying in Jester I still miss my other friends a lot. I always thought when I came to Austin it was going to be so much fun, but now I realize there is a lot of work involved. Only a week has gone by since I got here and I already have so much to do. That is another thing I miss about home, the ability to do nothing if I so desire. Here ""doing nothing"" is not an option. I feel that if I do nothing I will fall behind and just be wasting time. I miss the little things about home. Even though my girlfriend lives here I miss being able to go to each others house. Sure we can go to each others dorm rooms but I miss the feeling of home and hanging out with her family and mine. That is another thing I have not mentioned yet, I miss my family. I honestly did not think I would but I do. I guess over time I will grow accustomed to living here and maybe eventually be able to call Austin my home. Well, it's time to put the clothes in the dryer so I guess this is the end. ",Emotions,Anxiety
2004_262.txt,"Well I am just sitting in my room on a rainy labor day, all my roommates are either out of town or napping so it's really quiet in here, which is actually really nice considering I hardly ever get alone time to just sit and think about stuff. Too bad that I have so much reading today and preparation for the bible study I will be leading for kappa that I have little time to rest I really have trouble relaxing once school starts up because I have so much going on that I feel guilty if I am not always being productive. I know that I need to take time every day just to sit with God and tell him what is going on in my mind. So that's what I want to do with this exercise I am going to type everything I think about but it is going to be in the form of a prayer to God. I hate that I feel like I constantly need to be watching my money, or what I eat, or anything else in my life that gives me a sense of control and like I am making wise decisions, why is it so hard for me to accept my screw ups? I know I human, and that I am sinful and that I can't do anything on my own. So I don't know why I get disappointed in my failures, why should I expect anything else??? I feel pretty guilty about how much time I put into some of my relationships as well, like I wish I was there for Lauren F. more and really was keeping up better with how she is doing and holding her accountable. Please give me the time and desire to talk to her and pray for her. I also really need your help in not letting the devil get a foothold in my thought life, I need you to make me aware of when I start to count calories (eaten or burnt!) or when I start to keep a constant tab on how much I spend or what people owe me. Lord I want to see every blessing in my life as a gift from you and not as something I deserve because I know that I do not!   I also know that I need to take a nap this afternoon if I want to get any work done later so I pray that I would be able to do that as well. I have so much stuff going on that it can really make me lose sight of what's important. YOU and my family and friends and everyone else in my life. Lord I want to see everyone in my life as a divine appointment. I feel really excited about this year but it's discouraging when I can already see myself getting caught up in the unimportant stuff. I really want to crawl into bed right now and get some sleep instead of finishing this assignment, but what can you do!  I hate that I was so irritable with my mom and dad this weekend and really hope that they can fix the problem they're having communicating, I am also so worried about David, MP, and Nancy, I just want them to see that all the worldly pleasures they are looking to escape the sadness of a broken home will never fill that void and that they desperately need to know you Lord, and understand your love for them. I wish I knew what to expect on this PHL test coming up on Thursday, but there I go again with wanting to know things before the right timing. I am worried that I am not studying for my classes as dedicatedly as I should be but I know that I am doing the best I can and they shouldn't be consuming my life. I am so glad I got to spend time with ford this weekend and I really hope that he doesn't have a flight delay because of the rain here and in Atlanta because I know he has a lot he needs to do when he gets back. But I know he was supposed to be here this weekend and I am so glad that he got to talk to Chris last night and really hope that he calls to tell me what they talked about. I feel a little anxious right now about getting all my work done today and for some silly reason I am really upset that the tuna fish I bought and that 7up drink turned out to be busts, because that cost what, maybe $4???? come on Louise you are so cheap get over it!!! surprisingly I am not really nervous about bible study tomorrow night but I know that I need to be really giving that to you and I really hope it doesn't all hit me at once tomorrow. I am really hot so I had to go turn on the fan. I wonder when becca and Martha are getting back, is it wrong that I kind of like that they aren't around right now? Why is it that I like to be alone so much, is it selfishness??? I am kind of worried about Kyle maybe liking me, I really don't want him to, because I really love having him as a friend and I really don't know what makes me think that he might want something more but for some reason I've been getting that vibe lately so I really hope that I can act in a way that doesn't lead him on but that is still nice. Man that 7up stuff I got is disgusting!!! why do I always try those things. Healthy soft drinks?!?! what a joke!!! of course it's going to taste awful. I really hate that I am always feeling like I need to be repaid when I do something for someone I mean seriously! why can't I just give out of love and show like grace like Christ did to us??? I am really excited about this PSYCH class though because it'll be cool to see if this is really the direction god wants me to go for my career. I am so glad to have this day off to rest and catch up in studies and for the 12 hours of sleep I got on Saturday I really need to get rest because I know I don't get nearly enough, help me allow more time for sleep and rest in my schedule because obviously you didn't make us require so much sleep for nothing! I just wish I would enjoy it I pray that I could have a peace so that I could sleep right now. ",Emotions: Curiosity,"Well I am just sitting in my room on a rainy labor day, all my roommates are either out of town or napping so it's really quiet in here, which is actually really nice considering I hardly ever get alone time to just sit and think about stuff. Too bad that I have so much reading today and preparation for the bible study I will be leading for kappa that I have little time to rest I really have trouble relaxing once school starts up because I have so much going on that I feel guilty if I am not always being productive. I know that I need to take time every day just to sit with God and tell him what is going on in my mind. So that's what I want to do with this exercise I am going to type everything I think about but it is going to be in the form of a prayer to God. I hate that I feel like I constantly need to be watching my money, or what I eat, or anything else in my life that gives me a sense of control and like I am making wise decisions, why is it so hard for me to accept my screw ups? I know I human, and that I am sinful and that I can't do anything on my own. So I don't know why I get disappointed in my failures, why should I expect anything else??? I feel pretty guilty about how much time I put into some of my relationships as well, like I wish I was there for Lauren F. more and really was keeping up better with how she is doing and holding her accountable. Please give me the time and desire to talk to her and pray for her. I also really need your help in not letting the devil get a foothold in my thought life, I need you to make me aware of when I start to count calories (eaten or burnt!) or when I start to keep a constant tab on how much I spend or what people owe me. Lord I want to see every blessing in my life as a gift from you and not as something I deserve because I know that I do not!   I also know that I need to take a nap this afternoon if I want to get any work done later so I pray that I would be able to do that as well. I have so much stuff going on that it can really make me lose sight of what's important. YOU and my family and friends and everyone else in my life. Lord I want to see everyone in my life as a divine appointment. I feel really excited about this year but it's discouraging when I can already see myself getting caught up in the unimportant stuff. I really want to crawl into bed right now and get some sleep instead of finishing this assignment, but what can you do!  I hate that I was so irritable with my mom and dad this weekend and really hope that they can fix the problem they're having communicating, I am also so worried about David, MP, and Nancy, I just want them to see that all the worldly pleasures they are looking to escape the sadness of a broken home will never fill that void and that they desperately need to know you Lord, and understand your love for them. I wish I knew what to expect on this PHL test coming up on Thursday, but there I go again with wanting to know things before the right timing. I am worried that I am not studying for my classes as dedicatedly as I should be but I know that I am doing the best I can and they shouldn't be consuming my life. I am so glad I got to spend time with ford this weekend and I really hope that he doesn't have a flight delay because of the rain here and in Atlanta because I know he has a lot he needs to do when he gets back. But I know he was supposed to be here this weekend and I am so glad that he got to talk to Chris last night and really hope that he calls to tell me what they talked about. I feel a little anxious right now about getting all my work done today and for some silly reason I am really upset that the tuna fish I bought and that 7up drink turned out to be busts, because that cost what, maybe $4???? come on Louise you are so cheap get over it!!! surprisingly I am not really nervous about bible study tomorrow night but I know that I need to be really giving that to you and I really hope it doesn't all hit me at once tomorrow. I am really hot so I had to go turn on the fan. I wonder when becca and Martha are getting back, is it wrong that I kind of like that they aren't around right now? Why is it that I like to be alone so much, is it selfishness??? I am kind of worried about Kyle maybe liking me, I really don't want him to, because I really love having him as a friend and I really don't know what makes me think that he might want something more but for some reason I've been getting that vibe lately so I really hope that I can act in a way that doesn't lead him on but that is still nice. Man that 7up stuff I got is disgusting!!! why do I always try those things. Healthy soft drinks?!?! what a joke!!! of course it's going to taste awful. I really hate that I am always feeling like I need to be repaid when I do something for someone I mean seriously! why can't I just give out of love and show like grace like Christ did to us??? I am really excited about this PSYCH class though because it'll be cool to see if this is really the direction god wants me to go for my career. I am so glad to have this day off to rest and catch up in studies and for the 12 hours of sleep I got on Saturday I really need to get rest because I know I don't get nearly enough, help me allow more time for sleep and rest in my schedule because obviously you didn't make us require so much sleep for nothing! I just wish I would enjoy it I pray that I could have a peace so that I could sleep right now. ",Emotions,Curiosity
2004_257.txt,"     well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students!  so why am I here?  Am I anywhere better than them?  Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people?  what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell?  hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing?  I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here?  Or is it something else?  Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that?  What am I searching for?  Trying to reach a perfect life?  I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first ""friend"" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they?  People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom?  What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation?  Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles?  I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture!  That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!!  And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid. ",Thinking styles: Considerate,"     well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students!  so why am I here?  Am I anywhere better than them?  Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people?  what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell?  hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing?  I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here?  Or is it something else?  Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that?  What am I searching for?  Trying to reach a perfect life?  I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first ""friend"" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they?  People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom?  What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation?  Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles?  I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture!  That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!!  And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid. ",Thinking styles,Considerate
1999_065414.txt,"I'm just wondering how everything is going to work out, I mean, how is my relationship going to work out if she's in Cali and I'm in TExas. Well, I guess it shouldn't matter that much cause I should be thinking about school. Damn, this place gives me the creeps. No one that I can really talk to. How is anyone going to survive here. Gosh, I miss my baby. Am I making the right choices here in classes?  Am I making the right choices in my relationship?  I mean, if it doesn't work out, then what am I going to do?  My relationship . man, I'm confused. This place is big. This university is big. How am I going to stand out?  I haven't met any new friends, not very many. My room mate also sucks. I have no money. That's another thing, how am I going to survive financially?  How am I to get enough money to support my college tuition?  Mom and dad can't provide the whole thing and financial aid won't cover it all. How am I to make up the rest of the money?  And if I do get a job, how am I to balance my job and school at the same time. Gee, and how come I keep thinking of my girlfriend?  Damn, everything goes back to her. I can't believe the time I spend thinking of her. This is hopeless. I can't believe I'm even doing this relationship thing. Damn, my head hurts. I hope I'm doing this assignment right. If not, then I'm in trouble. what a way  to start out college. Man, I have a headache. I wonder if I'm dying. Ha, I wonder if I'm dying all the time. I wonder if I make myself sick by thinking about that so much?  I hope I don't get fat. I hope this college thing doesn't' make me fat and I hope that this whole college thing works out. I don't want to waste anymore of my parent's money. I don't even know what I'm doing here in college. I don't know what I want to be, what I want to do, or how the future's going to be like. Maybe I'm scaring myself. I think about this stuff too much when I should be out doing something about it. I feel so lazy and so useless. So insignificant. Is this what the real world going to be like?  Am I going to be another insignificant person?  Gosh, my head hurts. Everyone in this room looks dead. Everyone looks like they've been drained of their energy. Man, it's been only 14 minutes and I am writing a bunch of crap. Ha, I guess this is stream of conscience writing huh?  I guess it means to just talk to yourself. How come I don't see any familiar faces?  No one here is a familiar face to me. I thought I knew a lot of people but damn, I know no one. I hope things get better. I don't think I can stand much more of this. I want to go home for a while. Jester's food is getting old and I miss my parents. I just miss having nothing to do. Maybe I'm just lazy, I don't know. I can't keep thinking like this. I'm not lazy. Think positive buddy. Ha, I'm talking to myself again. I wonder what the professor's going to think about this paper?  Oh well, out of 500 some odd students in a class, I don't' think anyone's going to get to this paper. See what I mean?  InsignificantF!!!  Why so pessimistic Hai?  Damn, what happened to the old you?  I guess things change huh?  I guess things are never going to be the same. Didn't you say you wanted to go to college to get away from it all?  Didn't you say that you wanted to start over?  HEre's your chance buddy. Take the risk. BE yourself. Meet people. Make yourself a significant part of something. Don't just dissapear. oh, times up. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I'm just wondering how everything is going to work out, I mean, how is my relationship going to work out if she's in Cali and I'm in TExas. Well, I guess it shouldn't matter that much cause I should be thinking about school. Damn, this place gives me the creeps. No one that I can really talk to. How is anyone going to survive here. Gosh, I miss my baby. Am I making the right choices here in classes?  Am I making the right choices in my relationship?  I mean, if it doesn't work out, then what am I going to do?  My relationship . man, I'm confused. This place is big. This university is big. How am I going to stand out?  I haven't met any new friends, not very many. My room mate also sucks. I have no money. That's another thing, how am I going to survive financially?  How am I to get enough money to support my college tuition?  Mom and dad can't provide the whole thing and financial aid won't cover it all. How am I to make up the rest of the money?  And if I do get a job, how am I to balance my job and school at the same time. Gee, and how come I keep thinking of my girlfriend?  Damn, everything goes back to her. I can't believe the time I spend thinking of her. This is hopeless. I can't believe I'm even doing this relationship thing. Damn, my head hurts. I hope I'm doing this assignment right. If not, then I'm in trouble. what a way  to start out college. Man, I have a headache. I wonder if I'm dying. Ha, I wonder if I'm dying all the time. I wonder if I make myself sick by thinking about that so much?  I hope I don't get fat. I hope this college thing doesn't' make me fat and I hope that this whole college thing works out. I don't want to waste anymore of my parent's money. I don't even know what I'm doing here in college. I don't know what I want to be, what I want to do, or how the future's going to be like. Maybe I'm scaring myself. I think about this stuff too much when I should be out doing something about it. I feel so lazy and so useless. So insignificant. Is this what the real world going to be like?  Am I going to be another insignificant person?  Gosh, my head hurts. Everyone in this room looks dead. Everyone looks like they've been drained of their energy. Man, it's been only 14 minutes and I am writing a bunch of crap. Ha, I guess this is stream of conscience writing huh?  I guess it means to just talk to yourself. How come I don't see any familiar faces?  No one here is a familiar face to me. I thought I knew a lot of people but damn, I know no one. I hope things get better. I don't think I can stand much more of this. I want to go home for a while. Jester's food is getting old and I miss my parents. I just miss having nothing to do. Maybe I'm just lazy, I don't know. I can't keep thinking like this. I'm not lazy. Think positive buddy. Ha, I'm talking to myself again. I wonder what the professor's going to think about this paper?  Oh well, out of 500 some odd students in a class, I don't' think anyone's going to get to this paper. See what I mean?  InsignificantF!!!  Why so pessimistic Hai?  Damn, what happened to the old you?  I guess things change huh?  I guess things are never going to be the same. Didn't you say you wanted to go to college to get away from it all?  Didn't you say that you wanted to start over?  HEre's your chance buddy. Take the risk. BE yourself. Meet people. Make yourself a significant part of something. Don't just dissapear. oh, times up. ",Emotions,Anxiety
2004_15.txt,"Today has not been a very good day for me. I found out that my roommate is secretly dating my ex-boyfriend behind my back. My friend and I caught them together last night in the courtyard outside of my dorm. This is one of the worst feeling I have ever felt. I am dating a boy right now, but  the feelings for my ex have started to resurface. She fully knows that I like him, but she is deceiving me. I was very irritable today and I was rude to a lot of people. I really am not a rude person, I just do not understand why people find it necessary to take advantage of my niceness. I went to Pappasito's last night to pick up some to go food. It is sitting in my refrigerator and I am very anxious to eat it. I already had some chips, salsa, queso, and guacamole today. I love Mexican food. I have a French test tomorrow. This is our second test. I thought I made an A on the last test, but when I got it back I found a much lower grade. It upset me, so I am going to study very hard for this test. Right now I have a 4. 0 at the university, and I want to keep it as close to that as possible. I have noticed while typing this that I never capitalize 'I'. I have gone back and fixed my work at least ten times. I am used to typing informally online, where grammar and capitalization does not matter. My roommate just left for an environmentalist meeting, and I wanted to go read some of her AIM logs. So, I walked over to her computer and was starting to read some when the door started to shake and I thought I heard  her key in the door. I was so scared that she was going to come in and catch me. From that experience I have realized that I don't want to be snooping in her stuff anymore. It would not be worth it if she came in and caught me. We already are going to be on semi-bad terms after I talk to her tonight about Chris. One of our good friends thinks that once I talk to her about it she will drop the whole thing. He said that she felt really bad about going behind my back and she knew it was ""too good to be true"". Oh come on. She met him like three days ago, there is no way she likes him that much. It just hurts me so bad to know that she ignores our friendship  and goes after something that she knows will hurt me. Last night our friend talked to her about it and told her that she needed to drop it or else neither of us would talk to her. She told him that she was not sure what she wanted to do because Chris is ""special"". That is what got to me the most. She is willing to throw away two friendships for a boy she just met like 3 days ago. I am already stressed out enough with school, I do not need roommate problems. This is the reason I do not hang out with girls, they do this sort of thing to each other. My guy friends have never hurt me intentionally like this. When they try to get to me, they use force. Like one time my guy friends all attacked me with pillows. It got frustrating, but I did not get emotionally hurt by it. Girls get you in the worst possible way. Tonight Mean Girls is showing at the Union. I want to go see it so bad because I love that movie. It is so good. I would go see it if I did not have to do all of this homework. I already had a test last week in French, I am upset that there is another one this week. Our teacher also assigns us homework on the night before our test. It is safe to say that we are going to be studying for the test, so there is no need to assign homework. Oh well. I have not done laundry since I arrived here in Austin. I am down to my last pants and shorts. I will probably do some tonight, if I don't get too lazy. I have treated this writing assignment as like a journal. I have a lot of stuff on my mind from this whole roommate thing, so it is good that I could write it all out. It has been kind of hard to keep writing constantly. My hand are getting kind of numb. I think it is because I never use the shift key to capitalize things, and now I have to. Well, my time has come to an end. Time to get back to more homework. ",Emotions: Anger,"Today has not been a very good day for me. I found out that my roommate is secretly dating my ex-boyfriend behind my back. My friend and I caught them together last night in the courtyard outside of my dorm. This is one of the worst feeling I have ever felt. I am dating a boy right now, but  the feelings for my ex have started to resurface. She fully knows that I like him, but she is deceiving me. I was very irritable today and I was rude to a lot of people. I really am not a rude person, I just do not understand why people find it necessary to take advantage of my niceness. I went to Pappasito's last night to pick up some to go food. It is sitting in my refrigerator and I am very anxious to eat it. I already had some chips, salsa, queso, and guacamole today. I love Mexican food. I have a French test tomorrow. This is our second test. I thought I made an A on the last test, but when I got it back I found a much lower grade. It upset me, so I am going to study very hard for this test. Right now I have a 4. 0 at the university, and I want to keep it as close to that as possible. I have noticed while typing this that I never capitalize 'I'. I have gone back and fixed my work at least ten times. I am used to typing informally online, where grammar and capitalization does not matter. My roommate just left for an environmentalist meeting, and I wanted to go read some of her AIM logs. So, I walked over to her computer and was starting to read some when the door started to shake and I thought I heard  her key in the door. I was so scared that she was going to come in and catch me. From that experience I have realized that I don't want to be snooping in her stuff anymore. It would not be worth it if she came in and caught me. We already are going to be on semi-bad terms after I talk to her tonight about Chris. One of our good friends thinks that once I talk to her about it she will drop the whole thing. He said that she felt really bad about going behind my back and she knew it was ""too good to be true"". Oh come on. She met him like three days ago, there is no way she likes him that much. It just hurts me so bad to know that she ignores our friendship  and goes after something that she knows will hurt me. Last night our friend talked to her about it and told her that she needed to drop it or else neither of us would talk to her. She told him that she was not sure what she wanted to do because Chris is ""special"". That is what got to me the most. She is willing to throw away two friendships for a boy she just met like 3 days ago. I am already stressed out enough with school, I do not need roommate problems. This is the reason I do not hang out with girls, they do this sort of thing to each other. My guy friends have never hurt me intentionally like this. When they try to get to me, they use force. Like one time my guy friends all attacked me with pillows. It got frustrating, but I did not get emotionally hurt by it. Girls get you in the worst possible way. Tonight Mean Girls is showing at the Union. I want to go see it so bad because I love that movie. It is so good. I would go see it if I did not have to do all of this homework. I already had a test last week in French, I am upset that there is another one this week. Our teacher also assigns us homework on the night before our test. It is safe to say that we are going to be studying for the test, so there is no need to assign homework. Oh well. I have not done laundry since I arrived here in Austin. I am down to my last pants and shorts. I will probably do some tonight, if I don't get too lazy. I have treated this writing assignment as like a journal. I have a lot of stuff on my mind from this whole roommate thing, so it is good that I could write it all out. It has been kind of hard to keep writing constantly. My hand are getting kind of numb. I think it is because I never use the shift key to capitalize things, and now I have to. Well, my time has come to an end. Time to get back to more homework. ",Emotions,Anger
1997_884710.txt,"Twenty minutes seems like a long time. It amazes me how weird time is. Like when you're sitting in a plane waiting to get off and it seems like hours, but it's only minutes. I spend alot of time on planes. My dad is a pilot. I fly free. I don't know what I will do after college, because then I don't fly free anymore. I won't be able to go anywhere whenever. My roommate is in the shower. She has a sorority thing tonight. I'm not in a sorority. I'm glad, it's not the place for me. A guy died in my hometown last weekend. I t was strange, because my roommate had just commented on deaths happening in threes, and Mother Theresa and Princess Diana had just died. I didn't know the guy at all, but still, that could have been anyone. I think about that a lot. Death. Like what if someone died that I knew, but I had never told them what they mean to me. That's selfish, I know, but that's what we are, we're selfish. We as in humans. A friend of mine in my psych class knew the guy who died. I like country music, but most people don't. I just started liking it last year, because my boyfriend at the time got me hooked on it. My back hurts. I like to rub people's backs. I wish someone was here to rub mine. Tonight I'll be alone in the dorm. I like that sometimes everyone just gets on your nerves. My roommate and I knew each other in high school. We have gotten along amazingly well so far. Knock on wood. I have never been in a car accident, when I was driving. My brother messed up his knee in a car accident. I like this song. He had to have his ACL ligament redone. He can be such a baby. I think men have an amazingly low pain tolerance. I really think that they just aren't as well equipped for pain. That's just a personal opinion. I give lots of personal opinions. People tell me I'm opinionated. I don't like people who can't discuss their opinions and thoughts. It's important to be able to communicate. I'm a speech major. My undergrad advisor is great. I met him at orientation, and I love him. He tells you exactly what he thinks and that is so important. I don't like this song. It's one of those depressing love songs that is so typical of country. I wonder if I'll get married. I think I want to, but not kids. I do not want kids. That's another one of my opinions. How can we bring a child into this world?  So then people ask me if  I wish I hadn't been born. Two completely different concepts. Anyway, I'm gonna call my Aunt Holly. She is like a second mother to me. I live my mother. She really is my lifeline. That's a scary thought, like could I survive without her?  Of course, she raised my to be a survivor. I love basketball. My mom and I watch games together all the time. The Rockets are my favorite team. I also like Dennis Rodman. But I hat e the bulls. Rodman always says what he is thinking. Some people think he's a little tooo crazy, but I love it. H breaks the mold. That's commendable in my book. I miss my cousins. One of them is a big basketball fan. He and I always talk basketball. I'm almost done, twenty minutes did not take as long as I thought it would. I really like this song. I'm finished!! ",Emotions: Empathy,"Twenty minutes seems like a long time. It amazes me how weird time is. Like when you're sitting in a plane waiting to get off and it seems like hours, but it's only minutes. I spend alot of time on planes. My dad is a pilot. I fly free. I don't know what I will do after college, because then I don't fly free anymore. I won't be able to go anywhere whenever. My roommate is in the shower. She has a sorority thing tonight. I'm not in a sorority. I'm glad, it's not the place for me. A guy died in my hometown last weekend. I t was strange, because my roommate had just commented on deaths happening in threes, and Mother Theresa and Princess Diana had just died. I didn't know the guy at all, but still, that could have been anyone. I think about that a lot. Death. Like what if someone died that I knew, but I had never told them what they mean to me. That's selfish, I know, but that's what we are, we're selfish. We as in humans. A friend of mine in my psych class knew the guy who died. I like country music, but most people don't. I just started liking it last year, because my boyfriend at the time got me hooked on it. My back hurts. I like to rub people's backs. I wish someone was here to rub mine. Tonight I'll be alone in the dorm. I like that sometimes everyone just gets on your nerves. My roommate and I knew each other in high school. We have gotten along amazingly well so far. Knock on wood. I have never been in a car accident, when I was driving. My brother messed up his knee in a car accident. I like this song. He had to have his ACL ligament redone. He can be such a baby. I think men have an amazingly low pain tolerance. I really think that they just aren't as well equipped for pain. That's just a personal opinion. I give lots of personal opinions. People tell me I'm opinionated. I don't like people who can't discuss their opinions and thoughts. It's important to be able to communicate. I'm a speech major. My undergrad advisor is great. I met him at orientation, and I love him. He tells you exactly what he thinks and that is so important. I don't like this song. It's one of those depressing love songs that is so typical of country. I wonder if I'll get married. I think I want to, but not kids. I do not want kids. That's another one of my opinions. How can we bring a child into this world?  So then people ask me if  I wish I hadn't been born. Two completely different concepts. Anyway, I'm gonna call my Aunt Holly. She is like a second mother to me. I live my mother. She really is my lifeline. That's a scary thought, like could I survive without her?  Of course, she raised my to be a survivor. I love basketball. My mom and I watch games together all the time. The Rockets are my favorite team. I also like Dennis Rodman. But I hat e the bulls. Rodman always says what he is thinking. Some people think he's a little tooo crazy, but I love it. H breaks the mold. That's commendable in my book. I miss my cousins. One of them is a big basketball fan. He and I always talk basketball. I'm almost done, twenty minutes did not take as long as I thought it would. I really like this song. I'm finished!! ",Emotions,Empathy
2004_50.txt,"I got home from Burnet today from hunting and it wasn't that great. The dove weren't flying when I was there maybe its because I'm bad luck. Sometimes I think stupid things like that, like maybe for instance people were catching fish before I got there then when I got there I didn't catch anything and neither did anybody else. Super smells really good right now I think mom is cooking mashed potatoes and ribs. Sounds really good because I'm so hungry I haven't eaten all day. Speaking of not eating all day I just realized how fun my weekend was. That's why I haven't really eaten that much. Food sounds so good. Friday night I went out to a few parties and tried to get into frat parties but they're all gay and wont let any dudes in. Even though it was me with a bunch of girls they still wouldn't let me in. I'm pissed. From now on when I have a party I'm not letting any frat people in just hot sorority girls. Some of my friends are in sororities they seem cool. Anyway, then I went to the UT game on Saturday and we stomped all over North Texas. I kind of felt bad but not really. Its weird to be at a UT game and say ""this is my school. ""  I'm so used to being in high school and going to high school games I'm not used to seeing 80000 people at a game for my school. I wish school didn't involve class. I love the college atmosphere but not the class part. Maybe my psychology professor will give me an A. That would be great of him. He's a cool guy though I like his class. All my other professors are boring but he knows how to have fun while he lectures. I'm glad I got out of my calculus class and in a different one because professor radin is not cool at all. he needs to learn how to be not so uptight. My new calculus professor is cool though he's more laid back and knows how to teach things and give examples. Gosh I'm hungry I wish dinner were ready already. Taco Cabana is really good late at night I just realized that. I'm glad it's open 24 hrs because where would I go eat at 3 a. M?  Speaking of Taco Cabana San Antonio was fun I just wish we went to Cowboys and danced a little. San Antonio was cool but not as cool as burnet I want to hurry up and go hunting again. maybe this weekend I'll go back and shoot some more birds. Girls make me so mad. Why does a certain somebody have to be stupid all the time?  She bitches too much at me for little things. I should just not talk to her anymore. I don't know why I can't just not talk to her. All girls are the same to me, they all bitch about stupid things and get mad at you for saying hi to other girls that are your friends but they go off and say hi to their guy friends and expect us not to get mad at them. It's dumb. Jenna is dumb too. She should have ditched her boyfriend to hang out with her quote best friend Kelly on her birthday. She is stupid for choosing someone she just barely met over her best friend. Kelly doesn't deserve to cry I should yell at Jenna for that. Jessica is a cool girl she cares about me and doesn't want anything to happen to me I should hang out with her more. Stony Point football will always suck. They lose too much. New coaches are cool though I wish he was there when I was there. I need to do chemistry homework. He needs to stop mumbling and getting off topic to. My TA pisses me off so much I think I'm smarter than her. All the answers I had were right and the ones she gave me were wrong I can't believe that. 66 on the first hw is crap. there goes my confidence. She's a good looking girl though I'll give her that much but she can't help for crap. hopefully by this weekend I'll have my work done so I can hunt. I really can't stop thinking about hunting. I want to shoot me a deer I've never shot one before. Season opens soon I think so dove will have to do for now.        ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I got home from Burnet today from hunting and it wasn't that great. The dove weren't flying when I was there maybe its because I'm bad luck. Sometimes I think stupid things like that, like maybe for instance people were catching fish before I got there then when I got there I didn't catch anything and neither did anybody else. Super smells really good right now I think mom is cooking mashed potatoes and ribs. Sounds really good because I'm so hungry I haven't eaten all day. Speaking of not eating all day I just realized how fun my weekend was. That's why I haven't really eaten that much. Food sounds so good. Friday night I went out to a few parties and tried to get into frat parties but they're all gay and wont let any dudes in. Even though it was me with a bunch of girls they still wouldn't let me in. I'm pissed. From now on when I have a party I'm not letting any frat people in just hot sorority girls. Some of my friends are in sororities they seem cool. Anyway, then I went to the UT game on Saturday and we stomped all over North Texas. I kind of felt bad but not really. Its weird to be at a UT game and say ""this is my school. ""  I'm so used to being in high school and going to high school games I'm not used to seeing 80000 people at a game for my school. I wish school didn't involve class. I love the college atmosphere but not the class part. Maybe my psychology professor will give me an A. That would be great of him. He's a cool guy though I like his class. All my other professors are boring but he knows how to have fun while he lectures. I'm glad I got out of my calculus class and in a different one because professor radin is not cool at all. he needs to learn how to be not so uptight. My new calculus professor is cool though he's more laid back and knows how to teach things and give examples. Gosh I'm hungry I wish dinner were ready already. Taco Cabana is really good late at night I just realized that. I'm glad it's open 24 hrs because where would I go eat at 3 a. M?  Speaking of Taco Cabana San Antonio was fun I just wish we went to Cowboys and danced a little. San Antonio was cool but not as cool as burnet I want to hurry up and go hunting again. maybe this weekend I'll go back and shoot some more birds. Girls make me so mad. Why does a certain somebody have to be stupid all the time?  She bitches too much at me for little things. I should just not talk to her anymore. I don't know why I can't just not talk to her. All girls are the same to me, they all bitch about stupid things and get mad at you for saying hi to other girls that are your friends but they go off and say hi to their guy friends and expect us not to get mad at them. It's dumb. Jenna is dumb too. She should have ditched her boyfriend to hang out with her quote best friend Kelly on her birthday. She is stupid for choosing someone she just barely met over her best friend. Kelly doesn't deserve to cry I should yell at Jenna for that. Jessica is a cool girl she cares about me and doesn't want anything to happen to me I should hang out with her more. Stony Point football will always suck. They lose too much. New coaches are cool though I wish he was there when I was there. I need to do chemistry homework. He needs to stop mumbling and getting off topic to. My TA pisses me off so much I think I'm smarter than her. All the answers I had were right and the ones she gave me were wrong I can't believe that. 66 on the first hw is crap. there goes my confidence. She's a good looking girl though I'll give her that much but she can't help for crap. hopefully by this weekend I'll have my work done so I can hunt. I really can't stop thinking about hunting. I want to shoot me a deer I've never shot one before. Season opens soon I think so dove will have to do for now.        ",Emotions,Anxiety
1997_693196.txt,This seems hard to do. I am not exactly sure just what I am thinking . The music I’m hearing is not bad shit at all. there is this girl I liking her. she is cool as shit . I’m anticipating going to a soulfood party in a little while . I finally feel like I am on top of things this and the girl put in a fan-freakin -tastic mood . thinking thinkin I hope me and my roommate stay friends and we don't want to rip each others heads off  by the end of the year nas is cool . is that what I am hearing ? not sure. I am afraid of computers . I wish this dam assignment could have been done on loose-leaf no. the theory about computers- I don't want to learn how to use computers because they will eventually be so easy to use you could be a paraplegic(spelled that wrong) with no arms (chino) and still work one. 20 minutes seems long . this ain't that bad  I hope no one reads this if so how is it (mobb deep) going take a break or a leak 69 this assignment can't be done wrong can it? my friend keeps putting on different hip hop in the back ground. purple haze home beer I have not drank nearly as much liquor as I wanted to  since I got here or as much as I used to back home you can't drink in the streets here and all those other rules are really retarded . is that dela soul ? ---yes  niceah that girl  my neighbor to say the least . that would be cool as shit if it lasted  hip hop find it man or no wait up play biggie smalls that song that starts off with his beeper going off I can't type someone finally agrees with my theory on computers walker is an arrogant bastard . !!!! sucka after that put on the one I want to hear yeah  time is almost up uuuu this song I was good wu tang mystery what must go on I want to stop now  I can not type for skit it has been twenty minutes? I am not sure so I will continue wu tang wutang wutang wutyang wwutangwutangwutang the wu why did they drop out of their tour punk ass niggas --quote tupac don't shed a tear for nigga. these boots were made for walking? your mom. the potato in the Saturday night fever stance nice drawing really tazwhat a tool this is getting to the point of using only one finger I want to learn how to speed read . the play rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead just popped in there I think I went over the allotted time see you later peeeeeaaaaacccceeee ,Emotions: Curiosity,This seems hard to do. I am not exactly sure just what I am thinking . The music I’m hearing is not bad shit at all. there is this girl I liking her. she is cool as shit . I’m anticipating going to a soulfood party in a little while . I finally feel like I am on top of things this and the girl put in a fan-freakin -tastic mood . thinking thinkin I hope me and my roommate stay friends and we don't want to rip each others heads off  by the end of the year nas is cool . is that what I am hearing ? not sure. I am afraid of computers . I wish this dam assignment could have been done on loose-leaf no. the theory about computers- I don't want to learn how to use computers because they will eventually be so easy to use you could be a paraplegic(spelled that wrong) with no arms (chino) and still work one. 20 minutes seems long . this ain't that bad  I hope no one reads this if so how is it (mobb deep) going take a break or a leak 69 this assignment can't be done wrong can it? my friend keeps putting on different hip hop in the back ground. purple haze home beer I have not drank nearly as much liquor as I wanted to  since I got here or as much as I used to back home you can't drink in the streets here and all those other rules are really retarded . is that dela soul ? ---yes  niceah that girl  my neighbor to say the least . that would be cool as shit if it lasted  hip hop find it man or no wait up play biggie smalls that song that starts off with his beeper going off I can't type someone finally agrees with my theory on computers walker is an arrogant bastard . !!!! sucka after that put on the one I want to hear yeah  time is almost up uuuu this song I was good wu tang mystery what must go on I want to stop now  I can not type for skit it has been twenty minutes? I am not sure so I will continue wu tang wutang wutang wutyang wwutangwutangwutang the wu why did they drop out of their tour punk ass niggas --quote tupac don't shed a tear for nigga. these boots were made for walking? your mom. the potato in the Saturday night fever stance nice drawing really tazwhat a tool this is getting to the point of using only one finger I want to learn how to speed read . the play rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead just popped in there I think I went over the allotted time see you later peeeeeaaaaacccceeee ,Emotions,Curiosity
2000_550042.txt,"So, I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. I wonder what I'm supposed to write about. Thousands of ideas enter my mind, but one completely stands out. My roommate is again in a fight with her boyfriend. How can one person have so much anger trapped up inside of them? How can one person be so hurt and so hurtful to or from another. I know that I sometimes get in fights with my boyfriend. But they are nothing like this. I just don't really understand her sometimes. She complains that they don't talk enough, but when they are on the phone  they have absolutely nothing to talk about. What else is new, all she does is sit around in the room waiting for him to call all of the time. I go to class, come back, and there she sits still. I just can't do that. I mean, I'm dedicated and love my boyfriend, but not to the point of putting my own happiness and life on the line for one person. I don't think that I'm selfish, I feel like I have my priorities straighter. Except I happen to be the one without the degree plan that everyone else already has set up. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many opportunities out there, how do you know deadon what you would like to be? My interests change daytoday. One day I want to do this, then the next day it's this other thing. The only sure thing and deadmindset thing that I'm involved with is my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time, and I've never felt as strong about anyone as I feel about him. We make all these plans for our future together that I hope come true. But they are only things that I want right now. I would love to marry this guy, I've been settled down for over a year now, and I'm happy this way. We both adjusted our lives for each other. I just wish the time was here. But I can't help to think of that continuous thought in the back of my head, of what if. I am extremely superstitious. I believe that there is a reason why we met each other, and every event that has happened since, has. But maybe I don't always get what I want because I'm supposed to meet someone else while he is not around. I have never been happier in my life, and I am always afraid of change. This move down here to college shuck me up enough. Now things are finally getting settled and I'm meeting tons of people, but I don't know whether or not I should dedicate my time to what I am giving it to. I make time for everyone, but not always for everyone. I keep a lot of time to myself. I hate having to turn people down, but it seems as if I am always doing that. Tomorrow my friend invited me over for dinner, and that should be a lot of fun. We have kind of lost touch, and it should be good for us to get back into the swing of things. Well, I think that has been twenty minutes. I hope you enjoyed my ""interesting"" train of thought. ",Emotions: Fear of Change,"So, I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. I wonder what I'm supposed to write about. Thousands of ideas enter my mind, but one completely stands out. My roommate is again in a fight with her boyfriend. How can one person have so much anger trapped up inside of them? How can one person be so hurt and so hurtful to or from another. I know that I sometimes get in fights with my boyfriend. But they are nothing like this. I just don't really understand her sometimes. She complains that they don't talk enough, but when they are on the phone  they have absolutely nothing to talk about. What else is new, all she does is sit around in the room waiting for him to call all of the time. I go to class, come back, and there she sits still. I just can't do that. I mean, I'm dedicated and love my boyfriend, but not to the point of putting my own happiness and life on the line for one person. I don't think that I'm selfish, I feel like I have my priorities straighter. Except I happen to be the one without the degree plan that everyone else already has set up. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many opportunities out there, how do you know deadon what you would like to be? My interests change daytoday. One day I want to do this, then the next day it's this other thing. The only sure thing and deadmindset thing that I'm involved with is my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time, and I've never felt as strong about anyone as I feel about him. We make all these plans for our future together that I hope come true. But they are only things that I want right now. I would love to marry this guy, I've been settled down for over a year now, and I'm happy this way. We both adjusted our lives for each other. I just wish the time was here. But I can't help to think of that continuous thought in the back of my head, of what if. I am extremely superstitious. I believe that there is a reason why we met each other, and every event that has happened since, has. But maybe I don't always get what I want because I'm supposed to meet someone else while he is not around. I have never been happier in my life, and I am always afraid of change. This move down here to college shuck me up enough. Now things are finally getting settled and I'm meeting tons of people, but I don't know whether or not I should dedicate my time to what I am giving it to. I make time for everyone, but not always for everyone. I keep a lot of time to myself. I hate having to turn people down, but it seems as if I am always doing that. Tomorrow my friend invited me over for dinner, and that should be a lot of fun. We have kind of lost touch, and it should be good for us to get back into the swing of things. Well, I think that has been twenty minutes. I hope you enjoyed my ""interesting"" train of thought. ",Emotions,Fear of Change
1997_530565.txt,"  I don't want to be in ROTC, but I have to strive for a scholarship. My parents can't afford to send me through all four years in college. I need money!!  I hat ROTC. it's so stupid. Left face. Right Face. Bullshit. I don't want to be in the military. But to save my parents money I guess I'm going to have to put up with it. Oh well. Man I can't believe I slept  I mean overslept through Nursing. I was there for only the last fifteen minutes of class. That makes two classes that I missed. Chemistry Lab and now this. I have to make straight A's I have to. I must succeed. My parents worked hard to see that I do. Damn it. I would be perfectly happy living in a small apartment working as a waitress well may be not a waitress. May be a teacher . Anything . I don't care how much money I make. But I owe it tom my parents. I'm not going to be like my brother. Damn I need to buy some shoe polish and some brasso for ROTC. Gaw I hate ROTC. I'm already taking fifteen hours plus four more hours or is it 3? of ROTC. That is too much for a freakin freshman. At least to me it is. Man twelve more minutes to go. I hate my roommate. She's such a bitch. She's a pig too. She ate all of my peaches. I said she could have one not twenty. I'm tired of techno music. I like rap and r&b. They don't play that shit down here. I wish Sabrina would hurry up. I'm hungry. I'm so stressed. I need a break. Summer was too short. I miss Louis. I miss sex. I need sex. That'll relieve my stress. But I can't do that. It's against my morals. Yeah right. Why don't I have sex?  There are so many guys around here that would be more than willing to have sex with me. I'm so damn attractive. I'm like a magnet. I think that's the only thing really going for me. My looks. But that sure ain't going to last. I need to start concentrating on getting my mind fit instead of my body all the time. I wish I was as smart as other people. I want to be a pediatrician. No actually I want to be a veterinarian. But oh well. May be some other lifetime. Hopefully she or he would be more prepared than I was. I love Louis, but do I want to marry him. Will he be faithful to me. Does he really love me?  I love his son so much. Perrion. Perrion. I love Perrion. I wish I could see him. I love him more than his father. I would do anything for that little boy. Damn I hate the mother. I have never been jealous of anyone in my life, except for her. Shelly Malley. I hate her. No I don't hate anyone. I'm such a nice person. I couldn't hurt a soul. That night I could've pounded her ass, but I didn't. I have self control and I have maturity. But damn it would have felt so good just to break her face. I miss Leona. I can't believe she didn't want to spend any time with me when I came down to visit. That hurt so bad. I loved that girl. She was like a sister to me. What happened?  My loved ones are leaving me left and right. Soon daddy is going to pass away. No. I don't want you to daddy. I love you so much. Why can't god give some one else his pain and suffering. He doesn't deserve it god. Give it to fucking Charles Manson or that guy that killed that little girl in Killeen. But not my daddy. It's not fair. Okay 20 minutes passed. I'm done. ",Emotions: Frustration,"  I don't want to be in ROTC, but I have to strive for a scholarship. My parents can't afford to send me through all four years in college. I need money!!  I hat ROTC. it's so stupid. Left face. Right Face. Bullshit. I don't want to be in the military. But to save my parents money I guess I'm going to have to put up with it. Oh well. Man I can't believe I slept  I mean overslept through Nursing. I was there for only the last fifteen minutes of class. That makes two classes that I missed. Chemistry Lab and now this. I have to make straight A's I have to. I must succeed. My parents worked hard to see that I do. Damn it. I would be perfectly happy living in a small apartment working as a waitress well may be not a waitress. May be a teacher . Anything . I don't care how much money I make. But I owe it tom my parents. I'm not going to be like my brother. Damn I need to buy some shoe polish and some brasso for ROTC. Gaw I hate ROTC. I'm already taking fifteen hours plus four more hours or is it 3? of ROTC. That is too much for a freakin freshman. At least to me it is. Man twelve more minutes to go. I hate my roommate. She's such a bitch. She's a pig too. She ate all of my peaches. I said she could have one not twenty. I'm tired of techno music. I like rap and r&b. They don't play that shit down here. I wish Sabrina would hurry up. I'm hungry. I'm so stressed. I need a break. Summer was too short. I miss Louis. I miss sex. I need sex. That'll relieve my stress. But I can't do that. It's against my morals. Yeah right. Why don't I have sex?  There are so many guys around here that would be more than willing to have sex with me. I'm so damn attractive. I'm like a magnet. I think that's the only thing really going for me. My looks. But that sure ain't going to last. I need to start concentrating on getting my mind fit instead of my body all the time. I wish I was as smart as other people. I want to be a pediatrician. No actually I want to be a veterinarian. But oh well. May be some other lifetime. Hopefully she or he would be more prepared than I was. I love Louis, but do I want to marry him. Will he be faithful to me. Does he really love me?  I love his son so much. Perrion. Perrion. I love Perrion. I wish I could see him. I love him more than his father. I would do anything for that little boy. Damn I hate the mother. I have never been jealous of anyone in my life, except for her. Shelly Malley. I hate her. No I don't hate anyone. I'm such a nice person. I couldn't hurt a soul. That night I could've pounded her ass, but I didn't. I have self control and I have maturity. But damn it would have felt so good just to break her face. I miss Leona. I can't believe she didn't want to spend any time with me when I came down to visit. That hurt so bad. I loved that girl. She was like a sister to me. What happened?  My loved ones are leaving me left and right. Soon daddy is going to pass away. No. I don't want you to daddy. I love you so much. Why can't god give some one else his pain and suffering. He doesn't deserve it god. Give it to fucking Charles Manson or that guy that killed that little girl in Killeen. But not my daddy. It's not fair. Okay 20 minutes passed. I'm done. ",Emotions,Frustration
2004_257.txt,"     well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students!  so why am I here?  Am I anywhere better than them?  Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people?  what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell?  hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing?  I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here?  Or is it something else?  Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that?  What am I searching for?  Trying to reach a perfect life?  I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first ""friend"" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they?  People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom?  What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation?  Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles?  I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture!  That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!!  And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid. ",Emotions: Loneliness,"     well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students!  so why am I here?  Am I anywhere better than them?  Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people?  what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell?  hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing?  I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here?  Or is it something else?  Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that?  What am I searching for?  Trying to reach a perfect life?  I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first ""friend"" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they?  People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom?  What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation?  Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles?  I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture!  That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!!  And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid. ",Emotions,Loneliness
1998_551027.txt,"It is weird to be here because usually people are here and I could visit them but no one is at home. My brother is now doing all the stuff I did last year and it's kind of a weird role reversal. I am also frustrated because I am here and if it was normal circumstances Jared would be here but of course his family decided to take a vacation and they are out of town. and it's so weird and frustrating to be here and not be able to just call him and see him, I guess it is part of the annoying ""sensitivity"" that girls seem to employ. I need to get out of that habit. But, in an hour and a half or so, I will be driving back to UT and bringing my roommate's and also my friends from here. The whole situation did not work out exactly how we planned because I was going to stay here this whole weekend but then Jill's ride got all messed up so if I don't bring her up today I have Chris and Emily who will be very disappointed and I would feel guilty if I just stayed here instead. but actually I kind of just do want to stay here at home for awhile and actually get some stuff done and just relax but I also am torn the other way too. Whatever, my mind is so strange sometimes. and also I am feeling stupid writing all these thoughts down. Am I going to be diagnosed with some kind of disorder by what I've written? rhetorical question. computers can be very frustrating. It is really getting on my nerves that I am not allowed to complete my pretesting requirement on here. at first I couldn't even access the screen to type in my social security number and then when I could do that it won't accept my password or user name. That is all very frustrating and I've tried all these different computers trying to access it. Oh well. Hopefully, I will finally figure it out. As I just skimmed over what I've written thus far, I am worried. The blurb above says there is no right or wrong thing to say but I have before, just done completely the opposite of what was intended on an assignment and I had to redo it so this makes me slightly nervous as to if the content of this is adequate or not. It is very quiet in this area right now and my thoughts seem so loud in comparison since they are all that I can ""hear"" and it all the activity that is going on. This assignment is actually kind of ironic because usually, I do write down everything that is in my head, like my thoughts and my feelings, and it helps me sort things out. It usually angers my friends because then they never know what upset me before because I wouldn't say anything because I'd have to go write it down to figure it out. Yet, while I'm typing this, it seems so forced to have to write down my thoughts. I guess because the ""audience"" I am typing for is so unknown and I feel self conscious of what I write. I just thought about this calculus homework I've been trying to work on for the past hour or so. It is so aggravating to try and understand something and completely fail or only understand a little bit which does nothing for progress toward solving the problem. I guess that is something I miss. I miss my smaller classes where there was always a lot of discussion and interaction. I guess in a way I'm being selfish but I can't help feeling that way. Oh well, I guess I am still in transition but I'm used to everything I just am not sure how much I like everything. well, I guess that is all my thoughts for now. I am so random sometimes. My train of thought that leads me to some comment or question is sometimes so mixed up and completely out of nowhere that I can't even believe how I think of some things. I'm not sure. But I bet a psychologist somewhere could figure that dilemma out. : ) ",Thinking styles: Complexity,"It is weird to be here because usually people are here and I could visit them but no one is at home. My brother is now doing all the stuff I did last year and it's kind of a weird role reversal. I am also frustrated because I am here and if it was normal circumstances Jared would be here but of course his family decided to take a vacation and they are out of town. and it's so weird and frustrating to be here and not be able to just call him and see him, I guess it is part of the annoying ""sensitivity"" that girls seem to employ. I need to get out of that habit. But, in an hour and a half or so, I will be driving back to UT and bringing my roommate's and also my friends from here. The whole situation did not work out exactly how we planned because I was going to stay here this whole weekend but then Jill's ride got all messed up so if I don't bring her up today I have Chris and Emily who will be very disappointed and I would feel guilty if I just stayed here instead. but actually I kind of just do want to stay here at home for awhile and actually get some stuff done and just relax but I also am torn the other way too. Whatever, my mind is so strange sometimes. and also I am feeling stupid writing all these thoughts down. Am I going to be diagnosed with some kind of disorder by what I've written? rhetorical question. computers can be very frustrating. It is really getting on my nerves that I am not allowed to complete my pretesting requirement on here. at first I couldn't even access the screen to type in my social security number and then when I could do that it won't accept my password or user name. That is all very frustrating and I've tried all these different computers trying to access it. Oh well. Hopefully, I will finally figure it out. As I just skimmed over what I've written thus far, I am worried. The blurb above says there is no right or wrong thing to say but I have before, just done completely the opposite of what was intended on an assignment and I had to redo it so this makes me slightly nervous as to if the content of this is adequate or not. It is very quiet in this area right now and my thoughts seem so loud in comparison since they are all that I can ""hear"" and it all the activity that is going on. This assignment is actually kind of ironic because usually, I do write down everything that is in my head, like my thoughts and my feelings, and it helps me sort things out. It usually angers my friends because then they never know what upset me before because I wouldn't say anything because I'd have to go write it down to figure it out. Yet, while I'm typing this, it seems so forced to have to write down my thoughts. I guess because the ""audience"" I am typing for is so unknown and I feel self conscious of what I write. I just thought about this calculus homework I've been trying to work on for the past hour or so. It is so aggravating to try and understand something and completely fail or only understand a little bit which does nothing for progress toward solving the problem. I guess that is something I miss. I miss my smaller classes where there was always a lot of discussion and interaction. I guess in a way I'm being selfish but I can't help feeling that way. Oh well, I guess I am still in transition but I'm used to everything I just am not sure how much I like everything. well, I guess that is all my thoughts for now. I am so random sometimes. My train of thought that leads me to some comment or question is sometimes so mixed up and completely out of nowhere that I can't even believe how I think of some things. I'm not sure. But I bet a psychologist somewhere could figure that dilemma out. : ) ",Thinking styles,Complexity
1997_918806.txt,"I'm just sitting here thinking while I wait for my clothes to clean. While sitting here I realize how much my life is different in Austin rather than two hundred and eighty miles away in Nederland. For example, I always had someone to do my laundry there and if I did it myself I never had to wait for a washing machine. The thing I miss most about Nederland is not having my friends around. Even though my best friend and my girlfriend are also attending U. T and both are staying in Jester I still miss my other friends a lot. I always thought when I came to Austin it was going to be so much fun, but now I realize there is a lot of work involved. Only a week has gone by since I got here and I already have so much to do. That is another thing I miss about home, the ability to do nothing if I so desire. Here ""doing nothing"" is not an option. I feel that if I do nothing I will fall behind and just be wasting time. I miss the little things about home. Even though my girlfriend lives here I miss being able to go to each others house. Sure we can go to each others dorm rooms but I miss the feeling of home and hanging out with her family and mine. That is another thing I have not mentioned yet, I miss my family. I honestly did not think I would but I do. I guess over time I will grow accustomed to living here and maybe eventually be able to call Austin my home. Well, it's time to put the clothes in the dryer so I guess this is the end. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I'm just sitting here thinking while I wait for my clothes to clean. While sitting here I realize how much my life is different in Austin rather than two hundred and eighty miles away in Nederland. For example, I always had someone to do my laundry there and if I did it myself I never had to wait for a washing machine. The thing I miss most about Nederland is not having my friends around. Even though my best friend and my girlfriend are also attending U. T and both are staying in Jester I still miss my other friends a lot. I always thought when I came to Austin it was going to be so much fun, but now I realize there is a lot of work involved. Only a week has gone by since I got here and I already have so much to do. That is another thing I miss about home, the ability to do nothing if I so desire. Here ""doing nothing"" is not an option. I feel that if I do nothing I will fall behind and just be wasting time. I miss the little things about home. Even though my girlfriend lives here I miss being able to go to each others house. Sure we can go to each others dorm rooms but I miss the feeling of home and hanging out with her family and mine. That is another thing I have not mentioned yet, I miss my family. I honestly did not think I would but I do. I guess over time I will grow accustomed to living here and maybe eventually be able to call Austin my home. Well, it's time to put the clothes in the dryer so I guess this is the end. ",Emotions,Anxiety
2004_292.txt,"     hello professor, I'm doing your little writing assignment even though I have no clue what to write so Ill do what you said to do and wirte about anything that comes to my head. today I have to do a lot of study work, not much else to do b. C I lifted weights and played bball yesterday for bout 6 hours and now I'm in the UT cycling team and its pretty damn cool. I should excel in this sport because I know how to push my body harder than anyone I know, no matter what the test I always push my body harder than everyone else. I want to be the best no matter what the sport or event. I should also be good at this because I love to ride my bike and to do it as a sport? wow lots of fun. music. hmmm I like it a lot, I have lots of it in fact I have about 15 GB of music on this computer which is about 5,000 songs so I have a wide variety of music and that's good to have, its also good to have know a lot of things which is exactly what I do, I know lots of stuff that nobody else would know. I am extremely good at jeopardy and I usually have as much money as the winner and the funny part about it is, they have had college and lots of schooling, most of the contestants were graduate students and I have just begun college. by the way my classes are in no way difficult, I hope your class doesn't get hard because I have a a lot of calculus which isn't hard, just very time consuming. what to write, haha now that I ask an opportunity has presented itself, a girl that I know just said hi, got me some of that last weekend, I've known her all my life and she looks pretty good too, she goes to tarleton(redneck city) but its ok, its still good. I have a way with people, if I can talk to them for about 10 minutes I can get them to really like me and if I want to I can make them do almost anything(no alchohol has to be used). you can ask my best bud who goes to school here, he knows that I have a way with people and I do that's what's so cool about this. I have a great life ahead of me and I want to live it to the fullest and no matter what I say on here I can't stop typing so I will continue and the music is great by the way damn I've got to go home this weekend, everyone misses me too much although I don't miss any of them except this girl that I went out with for bout 2 years, lots of fun there, I love her yes I do and she loves me but since I left we broke up and now she's trapped with a druggie b. C if she dumps him he will either kill himself or me so she's very scared but I don't care, it will all work itself out in time I just hope it won't take forever. my calculus teacher is skin a real social reject, he has no body mass, he is skinnier than a toothpick and his clothes almost fall off of him its funny to look at that finish button is looking really good right now, as in extremley good, I wish I could click it right now but I can't b. C my 20 isn't finished yet so I will continue in my efforts to type and type continuously like you wanted, geez 20 minutes is a long time to just type and have nobody type back to you although I have writted letters that have taken me 3 hours to write and consisted of about 10 pages of paper, but I don't care, I don't care about much anyways, just my grades got to keep them up, I care about my family my future and the girl back home, I care about my frineds, I care about my physical health and looks that's why I love to be in shape but other than that, I don't care about much of anything, there is no reason to care and by the way I SUPPORT BUSH he is a good man and if the media didn't give him such a hard rap about things people would like him a lot more the only reason many people don't is because of the media, I even ask them why they don't like him and all they can say is just because, I reeally wisht tthat they would take the time to research things and see who the btter candidate for the president is which is obviously BUSH!!! anyways I don't really liek the music that is playing right now its not really that cool and has no good beat at all, music is a beautiful artform wchich I believe is the best ever but who cares? nobody. I am out to change the world and I will you will see  --Mad Hatter--out ",Thinking styles: Optimistic Thinking,"     hello professor, I'm doing your little writing assignment even though I have no clue what to write so Ill do what you said to do and wirte about anything that comes to my head. today I have to do a lot of study work, not much else to do b. C I lifted weights and played bball yesterday for bout 6 hours and now I'm in the UT cycling team and its pretty damn cool. I should excel in this sport because I know how to push my body harder than anyone I know, no matter what the test I always push my body harder than everyone else. I want to be the best no matter what the sport or event. I should also be good at this because I love to ride my bike and to do it as a sport? wow lots of fun. music. hmmm I like it a lot, I have lots of it in fact I have about 15 GB of music on this computer which is about 5,000 songs so I have a wide variety of music and that's good to have, its also good to have know a lot of things which is exactly what I do, I know lots of stuff that nobody else would know. I am extremely good at jeopardy and I usually have as much money as the winner and the funny part about it is, they have had college and lots of schooling, most of the contestants were graduate students and I have just begun college. by the way my classes are in no way difficult, I hope your class doesn't get hard because I have a a lot of calculus which isn't hard, just very time consuming. what to write, haha now that I ask an opportunity has presented itself, a girl that I know just said hi, got me some of that last weekend, I've known her all my life and she looks pretty good too, she goes to tarleton(redneck city) but its ok, its still good. I have a way with people, if I can talk to them for about 10 minutes I can get them to really like me and if I want to I can make them do almost anything(no alchohol has to be used). you can ask my best bud who goes to school here, he knows that I have a way with people and I do that's what's so cool about this. I have a great life ahead of me and I want to live it to the fullest and no matter what I say on here I can't stop typing so I will continue and the music is great by the way damn I've got to go home this weekend, everyone misses me too much although I don't miss any of them except this girl that I went out with for bout 2 years, lots of fun there, I love her yes I do and she loves me but since I left we broke up and now she's trapped with a druggie b. C if she dumps him he will either kill himself or me so she's very scared but I don't care, it will all work itself out in time I just hope it won't take forever. my calculus teacher is skin a real social reject, he has no body mass, he is skinnier than a toothpick and his clothes almost fall off of him its funny to look at that finish button is looking really good right now, as in extremley good, I wish I could click it right now but I can't b. C my 20 isn't finished yet so I will continue in my efforts to type and type continuously like you wanted, geez 20 minutes is a long time to just type and have nobody type back to you although I have writted letters that have taken me 3 hours to write and consisted of about 10 pages of paper, but I don't care, I don't care about much anyways, just my grades got to keep them up, I care about my family my future and the girl back home, I care about my frineds, I care about my physical health and looks that's why I love to be in shape but other than that, I don't care about much of anything, there is no reason to care and by the way I SUPPORT BUSH he is a good man and if the media didn't give him such a hard rap about things people would like him a lot more the only reason many people don't is because of the media, I even ask them why they don't like him and all they can say is just because, I reeally wisht tthat they would take the time to research things and see who the btter candidate for the president is which is obviously BUSH!!! anyways I don't really liek the music that is playing right now its not really that cool and has no good beat at all, music is a beautiful artform wchich I believe is the best ever but who cares? nobody. I am out to change the world and I will you will see  --Mad Hatter--out ",Thinking styles,Optimistic Thinking
2000_457131.txt,"streaming thoughts. hard with aol open, closed. music playing. wonder if this impacts writing. of course it does. cold hands. why is this room so cold. wonder what its like outside. hopefully not as hot as before, it would feel good though. I like this keyboard. track change. dig this mix. reverb. bass. beat. dark room, but I hate fluorescent lights. horrible. this is hard to do. thoughts come and go before I can trace them. highway. like cars going by on a highway, fleeting. synthesizer, chord, nice. voice, repeating. strange. I wonder why economics was canceled today. no professor? sick? I need to read. fifteen minutes to go? I've hardly written anything. don't tell me my mind is this empty. email arrives. pointless, I'm sure. 303s are cool, who made them. want to hear the first song using a 303. wish I could get this working. where's the beat, key change. okay. what are these things sitting here. fists outstretched with a spiral on the stomach? someone was high when they designed these. individually wrapped. single serving. film club meeting tonight. ahh free food, hopefully not pizza. need to see a movie. yes. so much money to be spent. 10 minutes it looks like, well at least I'm consistent. underworld. neat notes. this would be hard in silence. easier to work with music for some reason. cymbals. going home Friday. hot weather. how cold will it get. were humans meant to live in texas. air conditioning changed the world. funny. sweaty fat guys with tool belts make most of the world livable. irony. age of empires. a time with anarchy before 18 years of predetermined schooling. talent squashed with mindless work before it has a chance to develop. what are we doing. who can fix it, everyone takes it for granted. why am I arguing this. I'd like to argue this someday. humans haven't been around forever. feet are cold now, I really need to get out. pop quizzes, I hope not. no projects, thank god. need to read though. club element tonight? fifteen bucks. might be cool. what type of crowd is it though. bassline bassline. is this trance? I like ltj bukem though. there's the beat, how cool. who is this. I'd like to make a track like this. dust. damn this room gets dusty. need to wipe the fixtures. I love black lights. mix it. put that away. hunger, lots of walking. lots of sleep. too much. can't wake up at one every day. why didn't the highpoint controllers work. its almost time. watch the computer crash. who reads this? white room. ",Emotions: Introversion,"streaming thoughts. hard with aol open, closed. music playing. wonder if this impacts writing. of course it does. cold hands. why is this room so cold. wonder what its like outside. hopefully not as hot as before, it would feel good though. I like this keyboard. track change. dig this mix. reverb. bass. beat. dark room, but I hate fluorescent lights. horrible. this is hard to do. thoughts come and go before I can trace them. highway. like cars going by on a highway, fleeting. synthesizer, chord, nice. voice, repeating. strange. I wonder why economics was canceled today. no professor? sick? I need to read. fifteen minutes to go? I've hardly written anything. don't tell me my mind is this empty. email arrives. pointless, I'm sure. 303s are cool, who made them. want to hear the first song using a 303. wish I could get this working. where's the beat, key change. okay. what are these things sitting here. fists outstretched with a spiral on the stomach? someone was high when they designed these. individually wrapped. single serving. film club meeting tonight. ahh free food, hopefully not pizza. need to see a movie. yes. so much money to be spent. 10 minutes it looks like, well at least I'm consistent. underworld. neat notes. this would be hard in silence. easier to work with music for some reason. cymbals. going home Friday. hot weather. how cold will it get. were humans meant to live in texas. air conditioning changed the world. funny. sweaty fat guys with tool belts make most of the world livable. irony. age of empires. a time with anarchy before 18 years of predetermined schooling. talent squashed with mindless work before it has a chance to develop. what are we doing. who can fix it, everyone takes it for granted. why am I arguing this. I'd like to argue this someday. humans haven't been around forever. feet are cold now, I really need to get out. pop quizzes, I hope not. no projects, thank god. need to read though. club element tonight? fifteen bucks. might be cool. what type of crowd is it though. bassline bassline. is this trance? I like ltj bukem though. there's the beat, how cool. who is this. I'd like to make a track like this. dust. damn this room gets dusty. need to wipe the fixtures. I love black lights. mix it. put that away. hunger, lots of walking. lots of sleep. too much. can't wake up at one every day. why didn't the highpoint controllers work. its almost time. watch the computer crash. who reads this? white room. ",Emotions,Introversion
2004_292.txt,"     hello professor, I'm doing your little writing assignment even though I have no clue what to write so Ill do what you said to do and wirte about anything that comes to my head. today I have to do a lot of study work, not much else to do b. C I lifted weights and played bball yesterday for bout 6 hours and now I'm in the UT cycling team and its pretty damn cool. I should excel in this sport because I know how to push my body harder than anyone I know, no matter what the test I always push my body harder than everyone else. I want to be the best no matter what the sport or event. I should also be good at this because I love to ride my bike and to do it as a sport? wow lots of fun. music. hmmm I like it a lot, I have lots of it in fact I have about 15 GB of music on this computer which is about 5,000 songs so I have a wide variety of music and that's good to have, its also good to have know a lot of things which is exactly what I do, I know lots of stuff that nobody else would know. I am extremely good at jeopardy and I usually have as much money as the winner and the funny part about it is, they have had college and lots of schooling, most of the contestants were graduate students and I have just begun college. by the way my classes are in no way difficult, I hope your class doesn't get hard because I have a a lot of calculus which isn't hard, just very time consuming. what to write, haha now that I ask an opportunity has presented itself, a girl that I know just said hi, got me some of that last weekend, I've known her all my life and she looks pretty good too, she goes to tarleton(redneck city) but its ok, its still good. I have a way with people, if I can talk to them for about 10 minutes I can get them to really like me and if I want to I can make them do almost anything(no alchohol has to be used). you can ask my best bud who goes to school here, he knows that I have a way with people and I do that's what's so cool about this. I have a great life ahead of me and I want to live it to the fullest and no matter what I say on here I can't stop typing so I will continue and the music is great by the way damn I've got to go home this weekend, everyone misses me too much although I don't miss any of them except this girl that I went out with for bout 2 years, lots of fun there, I love her yes I do and she loves me but since I left we broke up and now she's trapped with a druggie b. C if she dumps him he will either kill himself or me so she's very scared but I don't care, it will all work itself out in time I just hope it won't take forever. my calculus teacher is skin a real social reject, he has no body mass, he is skinnier than a toothpick and his clothes almost fall off of him its funny to look at that finish button is looking really good right now, as in extremley good, I wish I could click it right now but I can't b. C my 20 isn't finished yet so I will continue in my efforts to type and type continuously like you wanted, geez 20 minutes is a long time to just type and have nobody type back to you although I have writted letters that have taken me 3 hours to write and consisted of about 10 pages of paper, but I don't care, I don't care about much anyways, just my grades got to keep them up, I care about my family my future and the girl back home, I care about my frineds, I care about my physical health and looks that's why I love to be in shape but other than that, I don't care about much of anything, there is no reason to care and by the way I SUPPORT BUSH he is a good man and if the media didn't give him such a hard rap about things people would like him a lot more the only reason many people don't is because of the media, I even ask them why they don't like him and all they can say is just because, I reeally wisht tthat they would take the time to research things and see who the btter candidate for the president is which is obviously BUSH!!! anyways I don't really liek the music that is playing right now its not really that cool and has no good beat at all, music is a beautiful artform wchich I believe is the best ever but who cares? nobody. I am out to change the world and I will you will see  --Mad Hatter--out ",Social Awareness: Goal-Oriented,"     hello professor, I'm doing your little writing assignment even though I have no clue what to write so Ill do what you said to do and wirte about anything that comes to my head. today I have to do a lot of study work, not much else to do b. C I lifted weights and played bball yesterday for bout 6 hours and now I'm in the UT cycling team and its pretty damn cool. I should excel in this sport because I know how to push my body harder than anyone I know, no matter what the test I always push my body harder than everyone else. I want to be the best no matter what the sport or event. I should also be good at this because I love to ride my bike and to do it as a sport? wow lots of fun. music. hmmm I like it a lot, I have lots of it in fact I have about 15 GB of music on this computer which is about 5,000 songs so I have a wide variety of music and that's good to have, its also good to have know a lot of things which is exactly what I do, I know lots of stuff that nobody else would know. I am extremely good at jeopardy and I usually have as much money as the winner and the funny part about it is, they have had college and lots of schooling, most of the contestants were graduate students and I have just begun college. by the way my classes are in no way difficult, I hope your class doesn't get hard because I have a a lot of calculus which isn't hard, just very time consuming. what to write, haha now that I ask an opportunity has presented itself, a girl that I know just said hi, got me some of that last weekend, I've known her all my life and she looks pretty good too, she goes to tarleton(redneck city) but its ok, its still good. I have a way with people, if I can talk to them for about 10 minutes I can get them to really like me and if I want to I can make them do almost anything(no alchohol has to be used). you can ask my best bud who goes to school here, he knows that I have a way with people and I do that's what's so cool about this. I have a great life ahead of me and I want to live it to the fullest and no matter what I say on here I can't stop typing so I will continue and the music is great by the way damn I've got to go home this weekend, everyone misses me too much although I don't miss any of them except this girl that I went out with for bout 2 years, lots of fun there, I love her yes I do and she loves me but since I left we broke up and now she's trapped with a druggie b. C if she dumps him he will either kill himself or me so she's very scared but I don't care, it will all work itself out in time I just hope it won't take forever. my calculus teacher is skin a real social reject, he has no body mass, he is skinnier than a toothpick and his clothes almost fall off of him its funny to look at that finish button is looking really good right now, as in extremley good, I wish I could click it right now but I can't b. C my 20 isn't finished yet so I will continue in my efforts to type and type continuously like you wanted, geez 20 minutes is a long time to just type and have nobody type back to you although I have writted letters that have taken me 3 hours to write and consisted of about 10 pages of paper, but I don't care, I don't care about much anyways, just my grades got to keep them up, I care about my family my future and the girl back home, I care about my frineds, I care about my physical health and looks that's why I love to be in shape but other than that, I don't care about much of anything, there is no reason to care and by the way I SUPPORT BUSH he is a good man and if the media didn't give him such a hard rap about things people would like him a lot more the only reason many people don't is because of the media, I even ask them why they don't like him and all they can say is just because, I reeally wisht tthat they would take the time to research things and see who the btter candidate for the president is which is obviously BUSH!!! anyways I don't really liek the music that is playing right now its not really that cool and has no good beat at all, music is a beautiful artform wchich I believe is the best ever but who cares? nobody. I am out to change the world and I will you will see  --Mad Hatter--out ",Social Awareness,Goal-Oriented
1997_872282.txt,"I am currently sitting in the computer lab in the lobby of Jester. I have just finished my final class for the day, so I figured that I would go ahead and get caught up on my homework for my psychology class. I have never taken any kind  of psychology class, so I don't really know what to expect. Hopefully it won't be a hard class because some of my other ones are pretty hard, and I wasn't use to doing a lot of work and studying in high school. I liked high school a lot, and kind of wish that I was still in it. I sort of miss all of my friends and it just isn't the same to party without all of them. I went home for the Labor Day holidays and partied with them, but now that I'm back in Austin everything has changed back again. I haven't really met many people since I've been here, but I can say that there are quite a few weird people. Hopefully I will get use to Austin soon because it hasn't really worked out too well just yet. I've  already received two speeding tickets, a parking ticket, and had my truck towed once since I moved in two weeks ago. My parents aren't too happy with me right  now, so I've got to get good grades to get them off of my back. I keep screwing  up on this computer and don't really know what I'm doing. I never have been too good with computers-even though I have taken several classes in high school. I  can type rather quickly, but that is about all. My fingers are getting tired of typing because I haven't typed all summer. I guess I need to get use to it since I'm going to be doing a lot of it now that I'm in college. I'm not too happy  right now because I have to type this paper in the lobby computer room. I just  brought back with me a notebook computer that my mom gave me, but I can't get the CD-ROM to work. The stupid thing won't read the disks for some reason, so I haven't been able to hook up the UT Connect package that I just bought. I think I made a few people mad when I went to purchase that UT Connect package because  there was a long line and I sort of cut to the front on accident. I was just  trying to ask the person a question about what line to get in, and he thought  that I had already been waiting, and that it was my turn. Even though the guy that I cut in front of looked kinda pissed, I wasn't about to turn around and  get at the back of the line. Last week I waited in it over an hour and even  though I feel kinda bad for that guy, it was worth it. My eyes are getting tired of staring at this screen and I'm for my time to be up. I guess I still have a  few minutes until dinner starts so I'll write for a little while longer. I didn't get much sleep last night because I just couldn't fall asleep for some reason. Some friends and I watched the movie The Program, and that lasted until about 2:30, and I still couldn't go to bed after that. I didn't have to wake up until 10:00, but I only had like 5 hours of sleep. Hopefully I can go to bed tonight with no problem. My hands are getting a little sweaty from typing so much, but I really do like to type. I'm not all familiar with the internet and the web, but  I would like to be. I'm in an English lab class, so that will probably help me out a lot. I'm sitting next a guy that can type about 400 words a second-at least that's what it sounds like-and it is kind of getting on my nerves. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I am currently sitting in the computer lab in the lobby of Jester. I have just finished my final class for the day, so I figured that I would go ahead and get caught up on my homework for my psychology class. I have never taken any kind  of psychology class, so I don't really know what to expect. Hopefully it won't be a hard class because some of my other ones are pretty hard, and I wasn't use to doing a lot of work and studying in high school. I liked high school a lot, and kind of wish that I was still in it. I sort of miss all of my friends and it just isn't the same to party without all of them. I went home for the Labor Day holidays and partied with them, but now that I'm back in Austin everything has changed back again. I haven't really met many people since I've been here, but I can say that there are quite a few weird people. Hopefully I will get use to Austin soon because it hasn't really worked out too well just yet. I've  already received two speeding tickets, a parking ticket, and had my truck towed once since I moved in two weeks ago. My parents aren't too happy with me right  now, so I've got to get good grades to get them off of my back. I keep screwing  up on this computer and don't really know what I'm doing. I never have been too good with computers-even though I have taken several classes in high school. I  can type rather quickly, but that is about all. My fingers are getting tired of typing because I haven't typed all summer. I guess I need to get use to it since I'm going to be doing a lot of it now that I'm in college. I'm not too happy  right now because I have to type this paper in the lobby computer room. I just  brought back with me a notebook computer that my mom gave me, but I can't get the CD-ROM to work. The stupid thing won't read the disks for some reason, so I haven't been able to hook up the UT Connect package that I just bought. I think I made a few people mad when I went to purchase that UT Connect package because  there was a long line and I sort of cut to the front on accident. I was just  trying to ask the person a question about what line to get in, and he thought  that I had already been waiting, and that it was my turn. Even though the guy that I cut in front of looked kinda pissed, I wasn't about to turn around and  get at the back of the line. Last week I waited in it over an hour and even  though I feel kinda bad for that guy, it was worth it. My eyes are getting tired of staring at this screen and I'm for my time to be up. I guess I still have a  few minutes until dinner starts so I'll write for a little while longer. I didn't get much sleep last night because I just couldn't fall asleep for some reason. Some friends and I watched the movie The Program, and that lasted until about 2:30, and I still couldn't go to bed after that. I didn't have to wake up until 10:00, but I only had like 5 hours of sleep. Hopefully I can go to bed tonight with no problem. My hands are getting a little sweaty from typing so much, but I really do like to type. I'm not all familiar with the internet and the web, but  I would like to be. I'm in an English lab class, so that will probably help me out a lot. I'm sitting next a guy that can type about 400 words a second-at least that's what it sounds like-and it is kind of getting on my nerves. ",Emotions,Anxiety
1998_537522.txt,"I know there's nothing ""wrong"" I can write, but I still feel like whatever I'm writing may not be what they had in mind. It's about 11:20, and I am starving. As soon as I finish this I'll get to go and eat. I just came back from calculus, which is at least a 15 minute walk away from where I am (which is Dobie). I don't think I'm going to learn too much from the professor I have for calculus. He doesn't ever explain what the hell he's trying to do, and, like today when this guy tried to ask him, he almost yelled at him for jumping ahead. It is really frustrating because he first says something and then writes it down verbatim, and it makes me really mad. He wastes so much class time writing down the obvious even after he's said it ten times. I tried taking notes, but I doubt they'll help. I have always loved math, but this is just frustrating. My friend Ashli (who also lives here nad is from my tiny hometown) has a suitemate named Sonia, who had him last year. She said it's horrible. SLhe only knew two people who got an A in his class. She was telling me about how he writes down every little thing, and now I see what she means. She also said his tests are nothing like the homework, so I don't know what to expect. I am so hungry right now. I didn't eat too much this morning, because I never seeem to be hungry when I first wake up. My roommate is really sick. Ithink she has strep throat. Which means it'll only be a matter of daysbefore I get it too. My immune system has never been that good. I know, I know, I never really exercised that much, but I never seem tok have too much energy. My mom always thought I was anemic, but tests show I'm supposedly not. It's so weird how whenever I walk around campus I keep seeing people I know. Well, not really know, but I recognize them from camptexas or orientation or somewhere like that. I usually don't get to know too many people from placeslike that because I tend to be a little on the shy side. People always toldm e I'd outgrow that, but, well, I'm still waiting. In fact if there's onet hing I could change about me, ti'd probably be that. Everyone says you can make yourself  not be shy, but I'm sorry, I don't know how. I've tried and tried, but to no avail. When I'm around a lot of people I know, it's not too bad. Like in high school, I knew everyone in school (it's a small school and we've allb een together since kindergarten) and it was never too bad. I didn't love public speaking or anything where a lot of attention was directly on me, but I was always pretty comfortbale around everyone. But here I feel kind of lonely. My cousin, GArrod, who is a sophomore here, says it was that way for him lst year. I can't even reach one of my older friends here. I don't know what the problem is. And my other friend I called never called back. I don't know if she just didn't get the message, or if she's not calling back because she doesn't want to. My friend Ashli and I spend a lot of time together (we eat together and stuff) but she's already separating form me a little bit. At least we're going to the football game together. I'm looking forward to the game. I miss football. I never eallly appreciated it until I played powder puff last year. I somehow always feel like I'm overlooked because I'm quiet. At lest I hope it's because I'm quiet, and not just because I'm easy to overlook. I'm the youngest in my family, and whenever my older brother would be talking to my mom, she would always listen to him and ignore me, no matter what I was saying, until he left the room. Honestly, they thought because I am younger that whatever I say can't possible be as important as what he's saying. I could be telling her the house is one fire while he was telling her how he drove to town, and she wouldn't listen. Don't get me wrong, she has always been a great mom, but that has always bothered me, maybe more than it shoyuld. I don't really believe in those horoscope things, but sometimes when I have read them (at the end of theday) some eerie things ahave been true. Anyway, I read one of them on the ocmptuer. First of all, I have never been a ""typical"" sagittarius, like the magazines and articles say. They say they're all outgoing, and at times I am painfully shy nad introverted. Well, the one I read on the computer said the way to most hurt my feelings was to ignore me. And, that's true. If one of my friends is a total asshole to me, I will usual forgive them if they will just pay some attentin to me. I don't' think I have too many people in my life that I can count on, and that's really what I need most. I don't know if there's anyway I can fix that, but it's been a long 18 years. This probalby sounds like I'm a manic depressive, but before you call the authorities, let me assure you I'm not. I just don't have very high self esteem at times, and I often feel like I'm all alone in the world. I ahve a fear that I'll never find anyone to love me (like a husband). I don't see how someof  these other people manage to meet tons of guys, while I'm always alone. And most of those girls don't even appreciate them, and I know I would. Maybe it's back to the shyness thing. I really don't know, but I wish whoever did wuold tell me. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I was hoping my classes this smester would help, but I don't know. Part of me wants to go into business, but by the time I get accepted into the business school, I may change my mind again. I'm in the natural sciences thing as an undeclared pre-med right now, but who knows howl ong that will last?  I'm not lazy, but it takes me a hwile to get readjusted into going back to school. And even though I was in two ap classes my senior year and I graduated valedictorian by a long shot, I never had to work TOO hard in school. This stuff just came naturally to me. ",Emotions: Insecurity,"I know there's nothing ""wrong"" I can write, but I still feel like whatever I'm writing may not be what they had in mind. It's about 11:20, and I am starving. As soon as I finish this I'll get to go and eat. I just came back from calculus, which is at least a 15 minute walk away from where I am (which is Dobie). I don't think I'm going to learn too much from the professor I have for calculus. He doesn't ever explain what the hell he's trying to do, and, like today when this guy tried to ask him, he almost yelled at him for jumping ahead. It is really frustrating because he first says something and then writes it down verbatim, and it makes me really mad. He wastes so much class time writing down the obvious even after he's said it ten times. I tried taking notes, but I doubt they'll help. I have always loved math, but this is just frustrating. My friend Ashli (who also lives here nad is from my tiny hometown) has a suitemate named Sonia, who had him last year. She said it's horrible. SLhe only knew two people who got an A in his class. She was telling me about how he writes down every little thing, and now I see what she means. She also said his tests are nothing like the homework, so I don't know what to expect. I am so hungry right now. I didn't eat too much this morning, because I never seeem to be hungry when I first wake up. My roommate is really sick. Ithink she has strep throat. Which means it'll only be a matter of daysbefore I get it too. My immune system has never been that good. I know, I know, I never really exercised that much, but I never seem tok have too much energy. My mom always thought I was anemic, but tests show I'm supposedly not. It's so weird how whenever I walk around campus I keep seeing people I know. Well, not really know, but I recognize them from camptexas or orientation or somewhere like that. I usually don't get to know too many people from placeslike that because I tend to be a little on the shy side. People always toldm e I'd outgrow that, but, well, I'm still waiting. In fact if there's onet hing I could change about me, ti'd probably be that. Everyone says you can make yourself  not be shy, but I'm sorry, I don't know how. I've tried and tried, but to no avail. When I'm around a lot of people I know, it's not too bad. Like in high school, I knew everyone in school (it's a small school and we've allb een together since kindergarten) and it was never too bad. I didn't love public speaking or anything where a lot of attention was directly on me, but I was always pretty comfortbale around everyone. But here I feel kind of lonely. My cousin, GArrod, who is a sophomore here, says it was that way for him lst year. I can't even reach one of my older friends here. I don't know what the problem is. And my other friend I called never called back. I don't know if she just didn't get the message, or if she's not calling back because she doesn't want to. My friend Ashli and I spend a lot of time together (we eat together and stuff) but she's already separating form me a little bit. At least we're going to the football game together. I'm looking forward to the game. I miss football. I never eallly appreciated it until I played powder puff last year. I somehow always feel like I'm overlooked because I'm quiet. At lest I hope it's because I'm quiet, and not just because I'm easy to overlook. I'm the youngest in my family, and whenever my older brother would be talking to my mom, she would always listen to him and ignore me, no matter what I was saying, until he left the room. Honestly, they thought because I am younger that whatever I say can't possible be as important as what he's saying. I could be telling her the house is one fire while he was telling her how he drove to town, and she wouldn't listen. Don't get me wrong, she has always been a great mom, but that has always bothered me, maybe more than it shoyuld. I don't really believe in those horoscope things, but sometimes when I have read them (at the end of theday) some eerie things ahave been true. Anyway, I read one of them on the ocmptuer. First of all, I have never been a ""typical"" sagittarius, like the magazines and articles say. They say they're all outgoing, and at times I am painfully shy nad introverted. Well, the one I read on the computer said the way to most hurt my feelings was to ignore me. And, that's true. If one of my friends is a total asshole to me, I will usual forgive them if they will just pay some attentin to me. I don't' think I have too many people in my life that I can count on, and that's really what I need most. I don't know if there's anyway I can fix that, but it's been a long 18 years. This probalby sounds like I'm a manic depressive, but before you call the authorities, let me assure you I'm not. I just don't have very high self esteem at times, and I often feel like I'm all alone in the world. I ahve a fear that I'll never find anyone to love me (like a husband). I don't see how someof  these other people manage to meet tons of guys, while I'm always alone. And most of those girls don't even appreciate them, and I know I would. Maybe it's back to the shyness thing. I really don't know, but I wish whoever did wuold tell me. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I was hoping my classes this smester would help, but I don't know. Part of me wants to go into business, but by the time I get accepted into the business school, I may change my mind again. I'm in the natural sciences thing as an undeclared pre-med right now, but who knows howl ong that will last?  I'm not lazy, but it takes me a hwile to get readjusted into going back to school. And even though I was in two ap classes my senior year and I graduated valedictorian by a long shot, I never had to work TOO hard in school. This stuff just came naturally to me. ",Emotions,Insecurity
2000_914317.txt,"Well, I suppose since this is a stream of consciousness exercise I will just say whatever is on my mind, which at the moment happens to be how incredibly horrible this past weekend was. But, let's back up and get the basics down. For graduation, my grandparents promised to buy me a new computer. New, being the operative word. So they told me to go find one that I liked and tell them where it was. My mother and I went out and looked at computers and found a nice setup that included a printer for about $1500. We thought that sounded reasonable, so we informed my grandparents of the computer's location and they said it sounded good. HOWEVER, they went to see my Uncle's family in Dallas for my cousin's birthday and decided to go a cheaper route and not buy a namebrand computer. So I ended up with this piece of crap that keeps shutting down on me. My Dad has been freaking out for the past two weeks how he knew all along we should have gotten a different computer in the first place and how my grandparents always go the cheaper route even when it means less quality and now my entire college career is jeopardized because I cannot get online. So I spent Saturday messing with my computer, trying to reinstall stuff to see if it was a software problem. It wasn't. My Uncle drove in from Dallas on Sunday and took Windows off, reinstalled it, deleted my C drive (which is a big deal), then created a new one and repartitioned it, Everything SEEMED to work for a brief period of time before my computer decided to do one more mad little dance of irony and shut itself down. Now I am stuck with a computer that doesn't even partially compute and my Dad has to come pick it up to take it to some store called ""Computer Doctor"" and meanwhile he's still ranting about how he was right all along and my Mother should talk my grandparents into getting me a new computer, and if they don't how my parents should because if they don't I'm going to flunk because after all everything is online nowadays, etc. So I wasted my weekend sitting up in my room with my family when I could have been in the music room practicing. And I'm a music major, not computer science, so the music building is where I should be. But my mother wouldn't let me go to the music building because she wanted me to be around while they were messing with my computer. So I didn't practice AT ALL this weekend when my professor says I should practice 4 hours a day at least, and I just got a bunch of new music and now I'm totally screwed for my lesson on Friday. I also am having trouble in my music theory class because my teacher never bothered to tell me what an augmented interval or a diminished interval is, and they expect us to learn this stuff in one night, and since we have the class everyday, it's not like we can procrastinate at all. It's very frustrating. or maybe it's just me. I don't know. All I know is that I haven't even typed for ten minutes yet and I'm still complaining. It's not like I usually procrastinate about anything anyway. I mean, I was valedictorian of my high school, I think I know something about time management. Although, being valedictorian of my school was no terrible feat. I went to all the parties and pulled all the typical high school stunts, and had the highest number of ""unexcused absences"" you could have without being held back. And I wrote my speech at three in the morning the day of graduation. So I guess I know a little about procrastination anyway. But I had a reason for waiting that long really! When it was certain that I was going to be valedictorian, everybody started giving me tips, like they knew what they were talking about. ""Don't make it too long, I'll pay you five dollars to say my name, don't make it too boring. I don't want to sit through some damn boring speech. "" Even friends' parents were giving me tips. Everybody wanted to know what I was going to say, so I just didn't even try to come up with anything until the last minute, so I wouldn't have anything to tell them. Most people like me speech I guess. I worked in a favorite quote of mine by Theodore Roosevelt about how the real cowards are the ones who never try. It's a really encouraging quote, and I always used to repeat it to myself when I went to violin auditions because I am an extremely nervous performer. I also used to repeat that thing from Dune by Frank Herbert that the main character Paul used to say ""I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. "" etc, etc. It always sort of helped me get a grip on myself I guess which I need because I'm a very insecure person. And I'm sure that my typing is annoying my roommate right now because I have to use her computer and she's trying to sleep and her computer is right by where her head is on her bed. It's only 12:34 though, and she always goes to sleep around midnight which I think is weird. But then I'm an insomniac and I can never sleep anyway, so I'm usually up until about three. I also am a coffee addict. have been since the age of seven. I think it usually surprises people that I've been drinking coffee so long, but my Dad used to drink at least a pot a day, to that was a drink that was always available. You'd think it would have stunted my growth, but I'm 5'7"". Then again, my brother is only 15 and he's 5'9"", so maybe I would have been taller. Maybe not. I sort of like my height. Hmm, I've got two minutes to go, and I lost my train of thought, so I guess I'll just keep typing until something comes to me. Oh, I'm listening to the soundtrack from ""Schindler's List"" right now. I totally love that movie and the music makes me cry. Music always makes me emotional, but this cd is played by Itzhak Perlman whom I personally feel is the greatest violinist in the world, although Joshua Bell, who did the soundtrack for the ""Red Violin"" is also really good, but younger so he doesn't have as much experience. I'm sure he will be so much better when he's older though. Well, it's been twenty minutes. It was interesting. a little personal odyssey of the mind there. Bye! ",Emotions: Regret,"Well, I suppose since this is a stream of consciousness exercise I will just say whatever is on my mind, which at the moment happens to be how incredibly horrible this past weekend was. But, let's back up and get the basics down. For graduation, my grandparents promised to buy me a new computer. New, being the operative word. So they told me to go find one that I liked and tell them where it was. My mother and I went out and looked at computers and found a nice setup that included a printer for about $1500. We thought that sounded reasonable, so we informed my grandparents of the computer's location and they said it sounded good. HOWEVER, they went to see my Uncle's family in Dallas for my cousin's birthday and decided to go a cheaper route and not buy a namebrand computer. So I ended up with this piece of crap that keeps shutting down on me. My Dad has been freaking out for the past two weeks how he knew all along we should have gotten a different computer in the first place and how my grandparents always go the cheaper route even when it means less quality and now my entire college career is jeopardized because I cannot get online. So I spent Saturday messing with my computer, trying to reinstall stuff to see if it was a software problem. It wasn't. My Uncle drove in from Dallas on Sunday and took Windows off, reinstalled it, deleted my C drive (which is a big deal), then created a new one and repartitioned it, Everything SEEMED to work for a brief period of time before my computer decided to do one more mad little dance of irony and shut itself down. Now I am stuck with a computer that doesn't even partially compute and my Dad has to come pick it up to take it to some store called ""Computer Doctor"" and meanwhile he's still ranting about how he was right all along and my Mother should talk my grandparents into getting me a new computer, and if they don't how my parents should because if they don't I'm going to flunk because after all everything is online nowadays, etc. So I wasted my weekend sitting up in my room with my family when I could have been in the music room practicing. And I'm a music major, not computer science, so the music building is where I should be. But my mother wouldn't let me go to the music building because she wanted me to be around while they were messing with my computer. So I didn't practice AT ALL this weekend when my professor says I should practice 4 hours a day at least, and I just got a bunch of new music and now I'm totally screwed for my lesson on Friday. I also am having trouble in my music theory class because my teacher never bothered to tell me what an augmented interval or a diminished interval is, and they expect us to learn this stuff in one night, and since we have the class everyday, it's not like we can procrastinate at all. It's very frustrating. or maybe it's just me. I don't know. All I know is that I haven't even typed for ten minutes yet and I'm still complaining. It's not like I usually procrastinate about anything anyway. I mean, I was valedictorian of my high school, I think I know something about time management. Although, being valedictorian of my school was no terrible feat. I went to all the parties and pulled all the typical high school stunts, and had the highest number of ""unexcused absences"" you could have without being held back. And I wrote my speech at three in the morning the day of graduation. So I guess I know a little about procrastination anyway. But I had a reason for waiting that long really! When it was certain that I was going to be valedictorian, everybody started giving me tips, like they knew what they were talking about. ""Don't make it too long, I'll pay you five dollars to say my name, don't make it too boring. I don't want to sit through some damn boring speech. "" Even friends' parents were giving me tips. Everybody wanted to know what I was going to say, so I just didn't even try to come up with anything until the last minute, so I wouldn't have anything to tell them. Most people like me speech I guess. I worked in a favorite quote of mine by Theodore Roosevelt about how the real cowards are the ones who never try. It's a really encouraging quote, and I always used to repeat it to myself when I went to violin auditions because I am an extremely nervous performer. I also used to repeat that thing from Dune by Frank Herbert that the main character Paul used to say ""I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. "" etc, etc. It always sort of helped me get a grip on myself I guess which I need because I'm a very insecure person. And I'm sure that my typing is annoying my roommate right now because I have to use her computer and she's trying to sleep and her computer is right by where her head is on her bed. It's only 12:34 though, and she always goes to sleep around midnight which I think is weird. But then I'm an insomniac and I can never sleep anyway, so I'm usually up until about three. I also am a coffee addict. have been since the age of seven. I think it usually surprises people that I've been drinking coffee so long, but my Dad used to drink at least a pot a day, to that was a drink that was always available. You'd think it would have stunted my growth, but I'm 5'7"". Then again, my brother is only 15 and he's 5'9"", so maybe I would have been taller. Maybe not. I sort of like my height. Hmm, I've got two minutes to go, and I lost my train of thought, so I guess I'll just keep typing until something comes to me. Oh, I'm listening to the soundtrack from ""Schindler's List"" right now. I totally love that movie and the music makes me cry. Music always makes me emotional, but this cd is played by Itzhak Perlman whom I personally feel is the greatest violinist in the world, although Joshua Bell, who did the soundtrack for the ""Red Violin"" is also really good, but younger so he doesn't have as much experience. I'm sure he will be so much better when he's older though. Well, it's been twenty minutes. It was interesting. a little personal odyssey of the mind there. Bye! ",Emotions,Regret
2000_878834.txt,"Okay. I don't really know what to write. being timed really makes me nervous no matter what I have to do. I have to study for Chemistry. and my roommate is standing over my shoulder. which makes me even more nervous! Ahh! Hmm, what am I going to become when I grow up? I don't know if I have what it takes to become a doctor! And my dad wants me to become an architect now! Oh geeze. I think I'm just going to have to give this all to the Lord. Oh Lord! Anyway, there's so many things I have to do. but all I really want to do is nothing. isn't that a classic? I feel like I'm getting fatter, and I know that I shouldn't be worrying about getting fat since most people consider me average and say that I'm already skinny enough, but I think that being in a ballet company my Jr. year of High School really messed up my mind. They told me to lose 5 lbs or more, and now I'm always so concerned about my weight. Ahh, I love ballet, but I don't think I'll ever want to really become a professional ballerina. even though my ballet teacher really really wants me too! I'm really hungry right now. I want to eat some more Mexican food. Mmm. Mexican food. too bad there's nothing good to eat in the fridge downstairs. bummer. Oh Lord help me! I think I'm starting to get really homesick now; I miss my mommy and my daddy. But most of all, I miss my brother! I want to go to California! I want a big cold front to come in soon. I can't stand this hot humid weather anymore. even though I'm used to it (since I'm from Houston). My back hurts. I think it's from trying to work out on my roommate's torso track. Actually, every part of my body hurts right now. I wish someone in the house knew how to give really good massages right now because I could really go for one right about now. I'm dead tired too. but I can't go to sleep since I have to study for my stupid Chemistry quiz tomorrow. Ughghh. I hate Chemistry so much! And what makes it suck even more is that I'm such a terrible student. I wish I was diligent with my studies and all, but I just can't seem to manage my time right! And I can never seem to set my priorities straight! Oh Lord! I'm such a failure! I have so many weaknesses and shortcomings it's awful. Is my time up yet? Oh darn. I still have a ways to go! I want to go to sleep! My eyelids are drooping. I guess I should have been smart and done this a little earlier. but like I said I don't manage my time efficiently. I wonder if the person reading this is actually reading this carefully or just breezing by it to see if I actually did the assignment and put some effort into it. Do you call this effort? Because it is. it really is. I think I'll go to the architecture library tomorrow. hmm. I hope that cute guy's there! Ha! (like I'm going to do anything really. I'm actually really well preserved. I'm a preserved vessel never dated, never gone to a party, never done drugs, smoked, drank. never done any of that stuff. and it's all because I love the Lord, and I want to be ""well pleasing in His eyes"". therefore, I must present my body as a ""living sacrifice to Him"" because. it should no longer be "" I who live, but Christ who liveth in me"") Oh. I'm so ready to stop now! I want to go shopping! But I feel so poor! I am poor actually. I don't have any money. and neither does the rest of my family. We live on scraps. I guess you could say! I'm so glad we could afford to send me to college! But my brother and sister will have to slave to help finance my way through these 4 years. Oh Lord! Yea! My time's up!  ",Emotions: Insecurity,"Okay. I don't really know what to write. being timed really makes me nervous no matter what I have to do. I have to study for Chemistry. and my roommate is standing over my shoulder. which makes me even more nervous! Ahh! Hmm, what am I going to become when I grow up? I don't know if I have what it takes to become a doctor! And my dad wants me to become an architect now! Oh geeze. I think I'm just going to have to give this all to the Lord. Oh Lord! Anyway, there's so many things I have to do. but all I really want to do is nothing. isn't that a classic? I feel like I'm getting fatter, and I know that I shouldn't be worrying about getting fat since most people consider me average and say that I'm already skinny enough, but I think that being in a ballet company my Jr. year of High School really messed up my mind. They told me to lose 5 lbs or more, and now I'm always so concerned about my weight. Ahh, I love ballet, but I don't think I'll ever want to really become a professional ballerina. even though my ballet teacher really really wants me too! I'm really hungry right now. I want to eat some more Mexican food. Mmm. Mexican food. too bad there's nothing good to eat in the fridge downstairs. bummer. Oh Lord help me! I think I'm starting to get really homesick now; I miss my mommy and my daddy. But most of all, I miss my brother! I want to go to California! I want a big cold front to come in soon. I can't stand this hot humid weather anymore. even though I'm used to it (since I'm from Houston). My back hurts. I think it's from trying to work out on my roommate's torso track. Actually, every part of my body hurts right now. I wish someone in the house knew how to give really good massages right now because I could really go for one right about now. I'm dead tired too. but I can't go to sleep since I have to study for my stupid Chemistry quiz tomorrow. Ughghh. I hate Chemistry so much! And what makes it suck even more is that I'm such a terrible student. I wish I was diligent with my studies and all, but I just can't seem to manage my time right! And I can never seem to set my priorities straight! Oh Lord! I'm such a failure! I have so many weaknesses and shortcomings it's awful. Is my time up yet? Oh darn. I still have a ways to go! I want to go to sleep! My eyelids are drooping. I guess I should have been smart and done this a little earlier. but like I said I don't manage my time efficiently. I wonder if the person reading this is actually reading this carefully or just breezing by it to see if I actually did the assignment and put some effort into it. Do you call this effort? Because it is. it really is. I think I'll go to the architecture library tomorrow. hmm. I hope that cute guy's there! Ha! (like I'm going to do anything really. I'm actually really well preserved. I'm a preserved vessel never dated, never gone to a party, never done drugs, smoked, drank. never done any of that stuff. and it's all because I love the Lord, and I want to be ""well pleasing in His eyes"". therefore, I must present my body as a ""living sacrifice to Him"" because. it should no longer be "" I who live, but Christ who liveth in me"") Oh. I'm so ready to stop now! I want to go shopping! But I feel so poor! I am poor actually. I don't have any money. and neither does the rest of my family. We live on scraps. I guess you could say! I'm so glad we could afford to send me to college! But my brother and sister will have to slave to help finance my way through these 4 years. Oh Lord! Yea! My time's up!  ",Emotions,Insecurity
2000_871605.txt,"I am pretty proud of myself today, for I got much more accomplished than I thought I would. I figured that after my last class I would just take a nap. But instead, I went to the gym and had a great workout. It's always good to make a plan of everything that you want to do in a day. I always have to do lists. They are so useful, and I feel so organized when I make them. And when I finish everything on one list, I feel so good. It is a great feeling. I haven't been having too many great feelings recently. I'm not sure if I like it here. I don't think I ever will either; that is what bothers me the most. Everyone keeps telling me that it is going to get better, that I'll meet more and more people that I like. I just don't think it's going to happen. I really wish I had gone to Brandeis, for things would be so much easier. It is a smaller school, near Boston, much closer to my parents. Then I'd be able to see Brian and Jessie so much more often. I probably could see them every weekend if I wanted to. My phone bill would definitely be a hell of a lot less. That would be so good, because I don't have enough money. I feel bad asking for more from my parents, but it would just be so much easier. I think I really want to apply for that job at George Women. That is definitely a cool store because it has everything that I love there! Another thing I have noticed about being a college student, is that now I don't care about how I look or dress or anything like that. In high school, it was such a big deal to wear the ""right"" clothes and things like that. I didn't even mind doing that, and it seemed normal. I just miss my friends so much. I made such great connections with three people in high school, and I miss them so much. I am so jealous of all my friends who are so close to each other. Why do I have to get stuck with going to this huge school? It's not fair that I have to go through so many changes all at the same time. I just wish things were easier. It would make me so much happier. I feel like I have done something awful, that I deserve to feel like crap. I know that if I just keep on going, day by day, then things have to get better. I'm just so used to having so many friends and knowing so many people. I have just gotten thrown into this huge pile of people, and not knowing any of them is just plain weird. I just hope that getting use to this school will be a lot easier and quicker than it seems like it will be. I think that things will become so much better once I get used to this school. I certainly hope so because I just want to be happy. ",Emotions: Pride,"I am pretty proud of myself today, for I got much more accomplished than I thought I would. I figured that after my last class I would just take a nap. But instead, I went to the gym and had a great workout. It's always good to make a plan of everything that you want to do in a day. I always have to do lists. They are so useful, and I feel so organized when I make them. And when I finish everything on one list, I feel so good. It is a great feeling. I haven't been having too many great feelings recently. I'm not sure if I like it here. I don't think I ever will either; that is what bothers me the most. Everyone keeps telling me that it is going to get better, that I'll meet more and more people that I like. I just don't think it's going to happen. I really wish I had gone to Brandeis, for things would be so much easier. It is a smaller school, near Boston, much closer to my parents. Then I'd be able to see Brian and Jessie so much more often. I probably could see them every weekend if I wanted to. My phone bill would definitely be a hell of a lot less. That would be so good, because I don't have enough money. I feel bad asking for more from my parents, but it would just be so much easier. I think I really want to apply for that job at George Women. That is definitely a cool store because it has everything that I love there! Another thing I have noticed about being a college student, is that now I don't care about how I look or dress or anything like that. In high school, it was such a big deal to wear the ""right"" clothes and things like that. I didn't even mind doing that, and it seemed normal. I just miss my friends so much. I made such great connections with three people in high school, and I miss them so much. I am so jealous of all my friends who are so close to each other. Why do I have to get stuck with going to this huge school? It's not fair that I have to go through so many changes all at the same time. I just wish things were easier. It would make me so much happier. I feel like I have done something awful, that I deserve to feel like crap. I know that if I just keep on going, day by day, then things have to get better. I'm just so used to having so many friends and knowing so many people. I have just gotten thrown into this huge pile of people, and not knowing any of them is just plain weird. I just hope that getting use to this school will be a lot easier and quicker than it seems like it will be. I think that things will become so much better once I get used to this school. I certainly hope so because I just want to be happy. ",Emotions,Pride
2000_771081.txt,"I love just being me. Honestly without my personality, I am nothing in this world. There are so many people alive today that without my individuality, I could not survive. It would be too weird if I walked around the streets seeing a splitting image of myself. Hehe I think that I would probably pass out if that ever happened to me. Ouch, my arm really itches right now. Man I hate when I scratch so hard and it leaves marks on my skin. It's so unattractive and it is so annoying when I have to shave over it. I really can't believe that he would say that to her. Doesn't he realize that some things are best left unsaid especially when you don't know the whole story? Fainting has to be one of the most unique experiences that I have ever gone through. It's so weird that you lose all control of yourself for that onesecond. Thank goodness that girl was there to help me even though she didn't know me. I would freak out if I ever came in contact with someone who was about to pass out and fell on me. Man Jessica really can draw. I wish that I had the talent to do something like drawing my selfportrait. My legs are really starting to bother me since they are in that position. Oh man I need to go read my Theater since I have that class tomorrow. What should I wear tomorrow? I wonder if it is going to be as hot as it has been this whole time. I thought it would feel so much better than McAllen. For goodness sakes, at least McAllen has wind. Man what I would give to be at the beach right now without a care in the world sipping on the best tasting glass of lemonade and laying out getting the greatest tan in the world. And the POboys at Blackbeard's. No one makes greater Fantail Special than they do. I really hope my computer comes soon. I can't wait to start adding songs to my computer. Why hasn't my phone rang in a while? I need to call Jessie in a minute. I wonder if I have anything that I need to get done tomorrow. Hopefully my backpack will work out good. Because it was so cheap compared to everything else that was there. I love my shoes and I can't believe that my black ones broke. That was too weird that it happened especially since it was in the middle of the street and I wasn't doing anything that would have made it break normally. I hope my computer is the one I wanted. I wonder who is calling right now? Must be for Amber since she is talking to that person right now. I really feel like watching Hope Floats right now. That is such a great movie, and the guy in it is so hot. ",Emotions: Compassion,"I love just being me. Honestly without my personality, I am nothing in this world. There are so many people alive today that without my individuality, I could not survive. It would be too weird if I walked around the streets seeing a splitting image of myself. Hehe I think that I would probably pass out if that ever happened to me. Ouch, my arm really itches right now. Man I hate when I scratch so hard and it leaves marks on my skin. It's so unattractive and it is so annoying when I have to shave over it. I really can't believe that he would say that to her. Doesn't he realize that some things are best left unsaid especially when you don't know the whole story? Fainting has to be one of the most unique experiences that I have ever gone through. It's so weird that you lose all control of yourself for that onesecond. Thank goodness that girl was there to help me even though she didn't know me. I would freak out if I ever came in contact with someone who was about to pass out and fell on me. Man Jessica really can draw. I wish that I had the talent to do something like drawing my selfportrait. My legs are really starting to bother me since they are in that position. Oh man I need to go read my Theater since I have that class tomorrow. What should I wear tomorrow? I wonder if it is going to be as hot as it has been this whole time. I thought it would feel so much better than McAllen. For goodness sakes, at least McAllen has wind. Man what I would give to be at the beach right now without a care in the world sipping on the best tasting glass of lemonade and laying out getting the greatest tan in the world. And the POboys at Blackbeard's. No one makes greater Fantail Special than they do. I really hope my computer comes soon. I can't wait to start adding songs to my computer. Why hasn't my phone rang in a while? I need to call Jessie in a minute. I wonder if I have anything that I need to get done tomorrow. Hopefully my backpack will work out good. Because it was so cheap compared to everything else that was there. I love my shoes and I can't believe that my black ones broke. That was too weird that it happened especially since it was in the middle of the street and I wasn't doing anything that would have made it break normally. I hope my computer is the one I wanted. I wonder who is calling right now? Must be for Amber since she is talking to that person right now. I really feel like watching Hope Floats right now. That is such a great movie, and the guy in it is so hot. ",Emotions,Compassion
1998_010017.txt,"I really want to go swimming but I don't want to tell Sylvia that I don't want to see her dumb brother play in that stupid baseball game. I really want to go home this weekend. I know for a fact that my mom would never let me go well maybe she would let me go out with Gera even after I haven't seen her for a while. Maybe I just don't want to go out with him I think that I feel guilty for some strange reason and I can't get the courage to tell Gera. This air conditioner is really bothering me. It makes so much noise and does not cool very much. I am so hungry. My roommate sucks. I don't know why I'm so mean. Maybe I'm just not used to someone always wanting to know everything I do. Maybe she's just too smart and I feel stupid. I'm really hungry. I don't know how I'm going to get to eat if I go with Sylvia and Loni. I wonder if Gera is calling me right at this moment. I wonder how come his dad didn't say goodbye before hanging up. I think I'm  making too much noise typing. I get the feeling that I'm disturbing everyone behind me. I can't believe Loni. She just met this guy today and she already has him in her room. I wonder if her parents know the way she is. I still have one more question to do for Economics and I don't really feel like reading. I learned that I should wait to be told what to read before I stress That stress test Sylvia and I took was weird. I think that man thought that my life was pretty boring. I bet he thought I was weird. He could right away tell what was bothering Sylvia. I know that Manny really has Sylvia thinking about him day and night. He's such a jerk. I can't believe what How could someone treat someone that way. Maybe love is blind. I wonder why people around here are so free. I can't believe that girl I say two days ago. She was wearing next to nothing and felt no shame. I assume she must have felt fresh or something but doesn't she have one bit of self respect for herself. I wonder why the lady behind me just apologized to the girl. I had to turn around for a second. I think that I'm a nosy person. I often catch myself eavesdropping on other people's conversations. During lunch today I listened to two complete conversations. I could not believe the things that people talk about. Why does my roommate have to be so selfish. I think that I want to make everyone healthy. I don't know why but I am so self conscience of the way I look. But I hear that is actually average in girls my age. I went all out on this diet until I lost up to 25 pounds and now I think that I am too skinny. but I say this girl today that was a bit over weight and she was beautiful, then why do I gross myself out when I see my roommate eating horrible and then I see her change and I feel that I have to go workout. She gets offended very easily. I don't even tell her anything about her weight or anything related to that subject anyway and she jumps up and becomes aggravated very quickly. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I really want to go swimming but I don't want to tell Sylvia that I don't want to see her dumb brother play in that stupid baseball game. I really want to go home this weekend. I know for a fact that my mom would never let me go well maybe she would let me go out with Gera even after I haven't seen her for a while. Maybe I just don't want to go out with him I think that I feel guilty for some strange reason and I can't get the courage to tell Gera. This air conditioner is really bothering me. It makes so much noise and does not cool very much. I am so hungry. My roommate sucks. I don't know why I'm so mean. Maybe I'm just not used to someone always wanting to know everything I do. Maybe she's just too smart and I feel stupid. I'm really hungry. I don't know how I'm going to get to eat if I go with Sylvia and Loni. I wonder if Gera is calling me right at this moment. I wonder how come his dad didn't say goodbye before hanging up. I think I'm  making too much noise typing. I get the feeling that I'm disturbing everyone behind me. I can't believe Loni. She just met this guy today and she already has him in her room. I wonder if her parents know the way she is. I still have one more question to do for Economics and I don't really feel like reading. I learned that I should wait to be told what to read before I stress That stress test Sylvia and I took was weird. I think that man thought that my life was pretty boring. I bet he thought I was weird. He could right away tell what was bothering Sylvia. I know that Manny really has Sylvia thinking about him day and night. He's such a jerk. I can't believe what How could someone treat someone that way. Maybe love is blind. I wonder why people around here are so free. I can't believe that girl I say two days ago. She was wearing next to nothing and felt no shame. I assume she must have felt fresh or something but doesn't she have one bit of self respect for herself. I wonder why the lady behind me just apologized to the girl. I had to turn around for a second. I think that I'm a nosy person. I often catch myself eavesdropping on other people's conversations. During lunch today I listened to two complete conversations. I could not believe the things that people talk about. Why does my roommate have to be so selfish. I think that I want to make everyone healthy. I don't know why but I am so self conscience of the way I look. But I hear that is actually average in girls my age. I went all out on this diet until I lost up to 25 pounds and now I think that I am too skinny. but I say this girl today that was a bit over weight and she was beautiful, then why do I gross myself out when I see my roommate eating horrible and then I see her change and I feel that I have to go workout. She gets offended very easily. I don't even tell her anything about her weight or anything related to that subject anyway and she jumps up and becomes aggravated very quickly. ",Emotions,Anxiety
2000_618192.txt,"I would guess the only thoughts in my head right now are on weather or not I doing the things I should be. Is the sorority right for me? I really don't like my pledge class that much but I like most of the other girls in Alpha Phi. I don't know I'm just so afraid that I've totally missed God's plan for my life. It worries me. What if Pharmacy isn't where I'm supposed to be. I love listening to people's problems and just being there to help them but I don't know what to do with that. Where are my thoughts headed I'm not exactly sure I let my though wonder lots of times and they just kind of go in every direction. Sometimes the end up to will I ever find the guy I'm supposed to marry? I really do wonder that sometimes. He has to be out there somewhere but where? I don't know. I hate watching Emily and Justin. Its really kind of stupid but its not that its stupid its that I want that too. That guy has to be out there somewhere and I just haven't found him yet but I always want a boyfriends it just seems like lots of time I have bad luck finding one. And it seems that everyone here has one all the freaking time. Its annoying I want to find that Christian perfect guy out there for me. Maybe it is Chris but I doubt it. We're just way to different. I don't know. Its crazy being here at college things are so different. I don't know exactly where I'm supposed to be. Hopefully I'll find it soon. I like the things I'm doing but something's wrong. I have doubts anytime I'm not doing them if that what I'm supposed to be doing but then I'm with those people and I have a great time. It's really confusing. I just need to find that close best friends that I haven't quit found yet. And I really can't wait for next summer its going to be a blast. I think God is putting me there for a purpose but what it is I'm not sure. I just can't wait. I just hope by that time I'll know what it is I'm supposed to be doing here and be totally happy. Its like I feel sometimes I'm putting on a show. It's weird. I hate that I'm kind of in a group who went to high school together. It makes it really hard to fit in. I just need to find my group but hopefully I have now with joining Hyde Park. It'll be all good. Its weird I think that with all the moving I've done it changes things here because I'm used to being on my own and finding new people but it seems so far everyone does stuff with people they already knew or stuff. It's weird. I can't wait though to see some of my old friends. It'll be great fun I miss them lots but then I don't either. I just need to find my new group its what I've been waiting for for a while now and I know that group includes a boyfriend. I guess I'm more ready to find that guy than I wanted to admit. Its not like I'm ready to get married just to find him and start getting to know him better. I just want to find my best friend and that best friend will be the man of my dreams who I will marry and I guess I'm just being impatient to meet him. Very quickly. Because it'll be so neat to find him. I can't wait for tonight because I""LL BE going back to church and that's always fun its my favorite thing to do. It's a good thing. And I don't want to go home this weekend but I know I need to so I'm not to happy about that. Its really weird as I am wiring this I'm seeing more into me of feelings that I've tried to hide but I guess are there more than expected. Its funny I don't know what I'm looking for but I need to find it. I have God and I really want to deepen my relationship with him tremendously. I think I'm on the right path for that. I'll get there soon. I just don't know when. I'm so glad though that I found my church home that makes me feel lots better. Really it does. I just know I have a home now. And my Impulse group is great. I know that will be tons of fun. I just can't wait until Wed when we have it again. I think that will be something I'll look forward to each week because its so much fun. And I think I will get along with my group very well. I really miss my grandma lots. She was like my best friend last semester and I could tell her anything. It was nice and I still can except she doesn't write me long email back. I wish she would it would make it better. But that's ok she's still getting the hang of the Internet. Some day she'll learn how to use it and become a pro. I know she will. I hope there isn't anything really wrong with her leg. That wouldn't be good. I'm sure there's not but you never know and she loves to hide it form everybody which is bad because what if there is something really wrong. IT doesn't do any good to hide it from everybody. She didn't let my grandpa do it so why should we let her do it? Not fair and it won't happen. ",Emotions: Uncertainty,"I would guess the only thoughts in my head right now are on weather or not I doing the things I should be. Is the sorority right for me? I really don't like my pledge class that much but I like most of the other girls in Alpha Phi. I don't know I'm just so afraid that I've totally missed God's plan for my life. It worries me. What if Pharmacy isn't where I'm supposed to be. I love listening to people's problems and just being there to help them but I don't know what to do with that. Where are my thoughts headed I'm not exactly sure I let my though wonder lots of times and they just kind of go in every direction. Sometimes the end up to will I ever find the guy I'm supposed to marry? I really do wonder that sometimes. He has to be out there somewhere but where? I don't know. I hate watching Emily and Justin. Its really kind of stupid but its not that its stupid its that I want that too. That guy has to be out there somewhere and I just haven't found him yet but I always want a boyfriends it just seems like lots of time I have bad luck finding one. And it seems that everyone here has one all the freaking time. Its annoying I want to find that Christian perfect guy out there for me. Maybe it is Chris but I doubt it. We're just way to different. I don't know. Its crazy being here at college things are so different. I don't know exactly where I'm supposed to be. Hopefully I'll find it soon. I like the things I'm doing but something's wrong. I have doubts anytime I'm not doing them if that what I'm supposed to be doing but then I'm with those people and I have a great time. It's really confusing. I just need to find that close best friends that I haven't quit found yet. And I really can't wait for next summer its going to be a blast. I think God is putting me there for a purpose but what it is I'm not sure. I just can't wait. I just hope by that time I'll know what it is I'm supposed to be doing here and be totally happy. Its like I feel sometimes I'm putting on a show. It's weird. I hate that I'm kind of in a group who went to high school together. It makes it really hard to fit in. I just need to find my group but hopefully I have now with joining Hyde Park. It'll be all good. Its weird I think that with all the moving I've done it changes things here because I'm used to being on my own and finding new people but it seems so far everyone does stuff with people they already knew or stuff. It's weird. I can't wait though to see some of my old friends. It'll be great fun I miss them lots but then I don't either. I just need to find my new group its what I've been waiting for for a while now and I know that group includes a boyfriend. I guess I'm more ready to find that guy than I wanted to admit. Its not like I'm ready to get married just to find him and start getting to know him better. I just want to find my best friend and that best friend will be the man of my dreams who I will marry and I guess I'm just being impatient to meet him. Very quickly. Because it'll be so neat to find him. I can't wait for tonight because I""LL BE going back to church and that's always fun its my favorite thing to do. It's a good thing. And I don't want to go home this weekend but I know I need to so I'm not to happy about that. Its really weird as I am wiring this I'm seeing more into me of feelings that I've tried to hide but I guess are there more than expected. Its funny I don't know what I'm looking for but I need to find it. I have God and I really want to deepen my relationship with him tremendously. I think I'm on the right path for that. I'll get there soon. I just don't know when. I'm so glad though that I found my church home that makes me feel lots better. Really it does. I just know I have a home now. And my Impulse group is great. I know that will be tons of fun. I just can't wait until Wed when we have it again. I think that will be something I'll look forward to each week because its so much fun. And I think I will get along with my group very well. I really miss my grandma lots. She was like my best friend last semester and I could tell her anything. It was nice and I still can except she doesn't write me long email back. I wish she would it would make it better. But that's ok she's still getting the hang of the Internet. Some day she'll learn how to use it and become a pro. I know she will. I hope there isn't anything really wrong with her leg. That wouldn't be good. I'm sure there's not but you never know and she loves to hide it form everybody which is bad because what if there is something really wrong. IT doesn't do any good to hide it from everybody. She didn't let my grandpa do it so why should we let her do it? Not fair and it won't happen. ",Emotions,Uncertainty
1997_884710.txt,"Twenty minutes seems like a long time. It amazes me how weird time is. Like when you're sitting in a plane waiting to get off and it seems like hours, but it's only minutes. I spend alot of time on planes. My dad is a pilot. I fly free. I don't know what I will do after college, because then I don't fly free anymore. I won't be able to go anywhere whenever. My roommate is in the shower. She has a sorority thing tonight. I'm not in a sorority. I'm glad, it's not the place for me. A guy died in my hometown last weekend. I t was strange, because my roommate had just commented on deaths happening in threes, and Mother Theresa and Princess Diana had just died. I didn't know the guy at all, but still, that could have been anyone. I think about that a lot. Death. Like what if someone died that I knew, but I had never told them what they mean to me. That's selfish, I know, but that's what we are, we're selfish. We as in humans. A friend of mine in my psych class knew the guy who died. I like country music, but most people don't. I just started liking it last year, because my boyfriend at the time got me hooked on it. My back hurts. I like to rub people's backs. I wish someone was here to rub mine. Tonight I'll be alone in the dorm. I like that sometimes everyone just gets on your nerves. My roommate and I knew each other in high school. We have gotten along amazingly well so far. Knock on wood. I have never been in a car accident, when I was driving. My brother messed up his knee in a car accident. I like this song. He had to have his ACL ligament redone. He can be such a baby. I think men have an amazingly low pain tolerance. I really think that they just aren't as well equipped for pain. That's just a personal opinion. I give lots of personal opinions. People tell me I'm opinionated. I don't like people who can't discuss their opinions and thoughts. It's important to be able to communicate. I'm a speech major. My undergrad advisor is great. I met him at orientation, and I love him. He tells you exactly what he thinks and that is so important. I don't like this song. It's one of those depressing love songs that is so typical of country. I wonder if I'll get married. I think I want to, but not kids. I do not want kids. That's another one of my opinions. How can we bring a child into this world?  So then people ask me if  I wish I hadn't been born. Two completely different concepts. Anyway, I'm gonna call my Aunt Holly. She is like a second mother to me. I live my mother. She really is my lifeline. That's a scary thought, like could I survive without her?  Of course, she raised my to be a survivor. I love basketball. My mom and I watch games together all the time. The Rockets are my favorite team. I also like Dennis Rodman. But I hat e the bulls. Rodman always says what he is thinking. Some people think he's a little tooo crazy, but I love it. H breaks the mold. That's commendable in my book. I miss my cousins. One of them is a big basketball fan. He and I always talk basketball. I'm almost done, twenty minutes did not take as long as I thought it would. I really like this song. I'm finished!! ",Emotions: Curiosity,"Twenty minutes seems like a long time. It amazes me how weird time is. Like when you're sitting in a plane waiting to get off and it seems like hours, but it's only minutes. I spend alot of time on planes. My dad is a pilot. I fly free. I don't know what I will do after college, because then I don't fly free anymore. I won't be able to go anywhere whenever. My roommate is in the shower. She has a sorority thing tonight. I'm not in a sorority. I'm glad, it's not the place for me. A guy died in my hometown last weekend. I t was strange, because my roommate had just commented on deaths happening in threes, and Mother Theresa and Princess Diana had just died. I didn't know the guy at all, but still, that could have been anyone. I think about that a lot. Death. Like what if someone died that I knew, but I had never told them what they mean to me. That's selfish, I know, but that's what we are, we're selfish. We as in humans. A friend of mine in my psych class knew the guy who died. I like country music, but most people don't. I just started liking it last year, because my boyfriend at the time got me hooked on it. My back hurts. I like to rub people's backs. I wish someone was here to rub mine. Tonight I'll be alone in the dorm. I like that sometimes everyone just gets on your nerves. My roommate and I knew each other in high school. We have gotten along amazingly well so far. Knock on wood. I have never been in a car accident, when I was driving. My brother messed up his knee in a car accident. I like this song. He had to have his ACL ligament redone. He can be such a baby. I think men have an amazingly low pain tolerance. I really think that they just aren't as well equipped for pain. That's just a personal opinion. I give lots of personal opinions. People tell me I'm opinionated. I don't like people who can't discuss their opinions and thoughts. It's important to be able to communicate. I'm a speech major. My undergrad advisor is great. I met him at orientation, and I love him. He tells you exactly what he thinks and that is so important. I don't like this song. It's one of those depressing love songs that is so typical of country. I wonder if I'll get married. I think I want to, but not kids. I do not want kids. That's another one of my opinions. How can we bring a child into this world?  So then people ask me if  I wish I hadn't been born. Two completely different concepts. Anyway, I'm gonna call my Aunt Holly. She is like a second mother to me. I live my mother. She really is my lifeline. That's a scary thought, like could I survive without her?  Of course, she raised my to be a survivor. I love basketball. My mom and I watch games together all the time. The Rockets are my favorite team. I also like Dennis Rodman. But I hat e the bulls. Rodman always says what he is thinking. Some people think he's a little tooo crazy, but I love it. H breaks the mold. That's commendable in my book. I miss my cousins. One of them is a big basketball fan. He and I always talk basketball. I'm almost done, twenty minutes did not take as long as I thought it would. I really like this song. I'm finished!! ",Emotions,Curiosity
2004_345.txt,"     I am at a study hall room at the time wondering what I will think about that I am going to write. There are people behind me talking and one went Ole Miss which makes me think of a friend of mine from high school who is a freshman there now. I wonder how he is doing now along with all my other friends that is not attending UT. There are actually several people going here from my high school but I only see about half of them on a regular basis. I am a little stressed with all the things going on because I have done the thing that everyone has said not to but I think no matter what it happens to everyone. It is just the thought of all the freedom and then all of a sudden a couple weeks go by and there are quizes, tests, and papers due at the same time. I am also stressed about so many different things such as a typical college freshman is. One guy said that his fine arts was theater and dance. That made me think about when I was confused on what to take when I was signing up for classes. People ask me what this is that I am typing because they can read exactly what I am thinking. I am actually hungary with all these people talking about food. Is kind of a word? Not sure but it should be. I just found a phone on the desk but completely forgot that it was mine until I opened it up. I lost my phone a week ago so I don't have any of the numbers that I used to have, I hope this is not being graded for correct grammer because I am trying to type as fast as I think. I have already been typing for 10 minutes already and am wondering what else I am going to talk about. I also don't know what class I am going to drop, which haves to be done tomorrow. I cannot take 16 hours that I am currently signed up for so I will drop one to drop down to 13 hours. A friend of mine just called saying that he cannot make it to lunch. A guy is just now sitting beside me and he is about to start eating something. That makes me hungary again. He is reading everything I type and just corrected me on a mistake. I am running out of things to say or talk about. I am thinking now about my place and hearing some stories in the background. Most people are done with their homework and are asking me questions about this assignment, I am actually kind of comfortable right now at the computer. I don't have a computer yet at my apartment so it is really hard for me to get to an actual one to do assignments and get notes off the internet. I have yet to figure out how many notes to take from class since everything is different in college. I have a lot of stuff to do like go to WalMart, the grocery store and other places to get caught up on everything. Only a few more minutes left until I am done with this. I wonder again if this is for completion grade or even if it is going to be read. I bet the counselors read all these to see if we are all okay since majority of the class is freshman. Wow, I cannot believe that the twenty minutes is almost up. I'm going into a blank thought because of this pressure that the timer is putting on me for some reason. What else should I say? ",Emotions: Empathy,"     I am at a study hall room at the time wondering what I will think about that I am going to write. There are people behind me talking and one went Ole Miss which makes me think of a friend of mine from high school who is a freshman there now. I wonder how he is doing now along with all my other friends that is not attending UT. There are actually several people going here from my high school but I only see about half of them on a regular basis. I am a little stressed with all the things going on because I have done the thing that everyone has said not to but I think no matter what it happens to everyone. It is just the thought of all the freedom and then all of a sudden a couple weeks go by and there are quizes, tests, and papers due at the same time. I am also stressed about so many different things such as a typical college freshman is. One guy said that his fine arts was theater and dance. That made me think about when I was confused on what to take when I was signing up for classes. People ask me what this is that I am typing because they can read exactly what I am thinking. I am actually hungary with all these people talking about food. Is kind of a word? Not sure but it should be. I just found a phone on the desk but completely forgot that it was mine until I opened it up. I lost my phone a week ago so I don't have any of the numbers that I used to have, I hope this is not being graded for correct grammer because I am trying to type as fast as I think. I have already been typing for 10 minutes already and am wondering what else I am going to talk about. I also don't know what class I am going to drop, which haves to be done tomorrow. I cannot take 16 hours that I am currently signed up for so I will drop one to drop down to 13 hours. A friend of mine just called saying that he cannot make it to lunch. A guy is just now sitting beside me and he is about to start eating something. That makes me hungary again. He is reading everything I type and just corrected me on a mistake. I am running out of things to say or talk about. I am thinking now about my place and hearing some stories in the background. Most people are done with their homework and are asking me questions about this assignment, I am actually kind of comfortable right now at the computer. I don't have a computer yet at my apartment so it is really hard for me to get to an actual one to do assignments and get notes off the internet. I have yet to figure out how many notes to take from class since everything is different in college. I have a lot of stuff to do like go to WalMart, the grocery store and other places to get caught up on everything. Only a few more minutes left until I am done with this. I wonder again if this is for completion grade or even if it is going to be read. I bet the counselors read all these to see if we are all okay since majority of the class is freshman. Wow, I cannot believe that the twenty minutes is almost up. I'm going into a blank thought because of this pressure that the timer is putting on me for some reason. What else should I say? ",Emotions,Empathy
1998_979711.txt,"I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does  believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems. ",Emotions: Lack of focus,"I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does  believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems. ",Emotions,Lack of focus
2004_404.txt,"     I just opened iTunes and chose to play Miles Davis's album called ""A Tribute to Jack Johnson"". The first song ""Right Off"" begins with a strong groove. this music first puts me into a pretty good mood. It motivates me to want to go to the gym or something and get a little exercise. Now the song is quieting down a little bit after a few bars and slowly building back up. Larry Coryell is on guitar I believe, if not I'm pretty sure it's John McLaughlin. Now Miles is playing. gosh. he's quite an impressive player. He's not showing off by playing a note every second. He takes it slow and builds up a good improvised melody.   . and they're always good too. I'd like to choose the songs to play before class starts sometime, to give people a chance to hear very respectable music that most kids nowdays seem to neglect upon hearing, because of a difference in style from the popular, well-advertised music of the 90's and 00's. or otherwise some people aren't even given the chance to be exposed to it. My roommate just came in the room. Speak of the devil, eh?  Take him for example. When I first met him and asked what he listened to, the first two things he said were ""Metallica and Linkin Park"". both of which I am not biased against or hold negative regard towards. Actually I find both bands to be quite interesting. I was exposed to Metallica and that very broad genre back around the days of middle school, and definately listened to it quite extensively. Side note:  it's getting hot and I'm turning on the fan. Could this music and the pressure to write as fast as I can be causing my body to heat up?  That could be quite interesting. Going back. I find it weird, well not weird but sad basically, that people like my roommate haven't heard and don't seem to be immediately open to new musical tastes. ""new"" meaning ""previously unknown"" as opposed to recently released. The song just phased into an ambient sound while Miles is playing over it. The drums, bass, and guitar have dropped out. When the jam comes back in. and here it comes. oh yes. Well done. Movement (change) in music I have realized (as a good explanation) is what creates uniqueness and good sound. Change can include any part of sound. pitch, tempo, tambre, etc. Now it's just the Bass and Miles. On this album is Billy Cobham on drums, Herbie Hancock is on keyboards. I'm not sure who the bass player is off the top of my head. My roommate is playing video games behind me. I understand his addiction. I used to play games all the time throughout middle and high school. I went to an Arts high school for music and sadly games distracted me from studying music and my academics. obviously I did well enough to get into UT, but sadly not well enough for my own standards, although I did not realize it at the time. I quit playing games during my senior year in high school, picked up some other bad habits, but since moving to Austin for school things have changed nicely, and although I'm not completely comfortable with the status of my lifes general direction yet, I guess I feel slightly better and more able to concentrate on the future. although the future is quite unexpected, otherwise I don't really know what I'm going to do. The song just dropped into a drum jam with a guitar riff running continuously over it. . and time's up. ",Emotions: Curiosity,"     I just opened iTunes and chose to play Miles Davis's album called ""A Tribute to Jack Johnson"". The first song ""Right Off"" begins with a strong groove. this music first puts me into a pretty good mood. It motivates me to want to go to the gym or something and get a little exercise. Now the song is quieting down a little bit after a few bars and slowly building back up. Larry Coryell is on guitar I believe, if not I'm pretty sure it's John McLaughlin. Now Miles is playing. gosh. he's quite an impressive player. He's not showing off by playing a note every second. He takes it slow and builds up a good improvised melody.   . and they're always good too. I'd like to choose the songs to play before class starts sometime, to give people a chance to hear very respectable music that most kids nowdays seem to neglect upon hearing, because of a difference in style from the popular, well-advertised music of the 90's and 00's. or otherwise some people aren't even given the chance to be exposed to it. My roommate just came in the room. Speak of the devil, eh?  Take him for example. When I first met him and asked what he listened to, the first two things he said were ""Metallica and Linkin Park"". both of which I am not biased against or hold negative regard towards. Actually I find both bands to be quite interesting. I was exposed to Metallica and that very broad genre back around the days of middle school, and definately listened to it quite extensively. Side note:  it's getting hot and I'm turning on the fan. Could this music and the pressure to write as fast as I can be causing my body to heat up?  That could be quite interesting. Going back. I find it weird, well not weird but sad basically, that people like my roommate haven't heard and don't seem to be immediately open to new musical tastes. ""new"" meaning ""previously unknown"" as opposed to recently released. The song just phased into an ambient sound while Miles is playing over it. The drums, bass, and guitar have dropped out. When the jam comes back in. and here it comes. oh yes. Well done. Movement (change) in music I have realized (as a good explanation) is what creates uniqueness and good sound. Change can include any part of sound. pitch, tempo, tambre, etc. Now it's just the Bass and Miles. On this album is Billy Cobham on drums, Herbie Hancock is on keyboards. I'm not sure who the bass player is off the top of my head. My roommate is playing video games behind me. I understand his addiction. I used to play games all the time throughout middle and high school. I went to an Arts high school for music and sadly games distracted me from studying music and my academics. obviously I did well enough to get into UT, but sadly not well enough for my own standards, although I did not realize it at the time. I quit playing games during my senior year in high school, picked up some other bad habits, but since moving to Austin for school things have changed nicely, and although I'm not completely comfortable with the status of my lifes general direction yet, I guess I feel slightly better and more able to concentrate on the future. although the future is quite unexpected, otherwise I don't really know what I'm going to do. The song just dropped into a drum jam with a guitar riff running continuously over it. . and time's up. ",Emotions,Curiosity
1999_578826.txt,"I'm supposed to be writing from my stream of consciousness. I guess I'll find out how random my thinking is, as if I didn't already know. I really like this CD too bad this is his only one. I wonder what CD I should listen to next. I should try to call Janet again. I really want her to come visit me up her. I know how much she likes Austin. I'm really glad that I didn't buy those tickets for the Chemical Brothers since now I have a math test that night. I wonder when the concert starts. I really do want to go. And the concert is the day after my birthday, it would be a present to myself. Plus, I've been waiting 2 years for them to play in Texas. I really like this song. This room is rather boring. We definitely need to get some more stuff on the walls. I have to make a list of stuff to pick up when I go home, otherwise I will forget everything and I don't know when I'll be going home again. I think I'll listen to Semisonic next. I haven't listened to that CD in awhile. I'm glad I decided to bring the CD with me. Today is Deidre's birthday, and Allison's. I should send Allison a card. I wonder if Kisha got the one I sent her. I need to get a prepaid calling card so I can talk to her. She needs to come visit me too. I should probably email her again. This bed is so hard, it's making my back hurt. But I have to admit, it's not quite as hard as the one I had during orientation. You would think the mattress would give some after having so many people sleeping on it. I miss my bed at home. It's so comfy. Wow there are a lot of people walking by all of a sudden. I think that this is one of the coolest assignments I've gotten in a long time, it's much better than all the busy work I had to do last year. My mom will be happy to know that I like my psychology class. I won't be talking about music all the time, I'll actually have something related to my major to tell her. Well I think that's been my 20 minutes of truly intelligent thinking. ",Emotions: Excitement,"I'm supposed to be writing from my stream of consciousness. I guess I'll find out how random my thinking is, as if I didn't already know. I really like this CD too bad this is his only one. I wonder what CD I should listen to next. I should try to call Janet again. I really want her to come visit me up her. I know how much she likes Austin. I'm really glad that I didn't buy those tickets for the Chemical Brothers since now I have a math test that night. I wonder when the concert starts. I really do want to go. And the concert is the day after my birthday, it would be a present to myself. Plus, I've been waiting 2 years for them to play in Texas. I really like this song. This room is rather boring. We definitely need to get some more stuff on the walls. I have to make a list of stuff to pick up when I go home, otherwise I will forget everything and I don't know when I'll be going home again. I think I'll listen to Semisonic next. I haven't listened to that CD in awhile. I'm glad I decided to bring the CD with me. Today is Deidre's birthday, and Allison's. I should send Allison a card. I wonder if Kisha got the one I sent her. I need to get a prepaid calling card so I can talk to her. She needs to come visit me too. I should probably email her again. This bed is so hard, it's making my back hurt. But I have to admit, it's not quite as hard as the one I had during orientation. You would think the mattress would give some after having so many people sleeping on it. I miss my bed at home. It's so comfy. Wow there are a lot of people walking by all of a sudden. I think that this is one of the coolest assignments I've gotten in a long time, it's much better than all the busy work I had to do last year. My mom will be happy to know that I like my psychology class. I won't be talking about music all the time, I'll actually have something related to my major to tell her. Well I think that's been my 20 minutes of truly intelligent thinking. ",Emotions,Excitement
2000_966826.txt,"It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about  everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, ""voyeurs"". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves ""voyeurs"" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are ""true to science"" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says ""mother"" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much. ",Emotions: Guilt,"It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about  everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, ""voyeurs"". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves ""voyeurs"" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are ""true to science"" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says ""mother"" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much. ",Emotions,Guilt
2000_550042.txt,"So, I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. I wonder what I'm supposed to write about. Thousands of ideas enter my mind, but one completely stands out. My roommate is again in a fight with her boyfriend. How can one person have so much anger trapped up inside of them? How can one person be so hurt and so hurtful to or from another. I know that I sometimes get in fights with my boyfriend. But they are nothing like this. I just don't really understand her sometimes. She complains that they don't talk enough, but when they are on the phone  they have absolutely nothing to talk about. What else is new, all she does is sit around in the room waiting for him to call all of the time. I go to class, come back, and there she sits still. I just can't do that. I mean, I'm dedicated and love my boyfriend, but not to the point of putting my own happiness and life on the line for one person. I don't think that I'm selfish, I feel like I have my priorities straighter. Except I happen to be the one without the degree plan that everyone else already has set up. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many opportunities out there, how do you know deadon what you would like to be? My interests change daytoday. One day I want to do this, then the next day it's this other thing. The only sure thing and deadmindset thing that I'm involved with is my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time, and I've never felt as strong about anyone as I feel about him. We make all these plans for our future together that I hope come true. But they are only things that I want right now. I would love to marry this guy, I've been settled down for over a year now, and I'm happy this way. We both adjusted our lives for each other. I just wish the time was here. But I can't help to think of that continuous thought in the back of my head, of what if. I am extremely superstitious. I believe that there is a reason why we met each other, and every event that has happened since, has. But maybe I don't always get what I want because I'm supposed to meet someone else while he is not around. I have never been happier in my life, and I am always afraid of change. This move down here to college shuck me up enough. Now things are finally getting settled and I'm meeting tons of people, but I don't know whether or not I should dedicate my time to what I am giving it to. I make time for everyone, but not always for everyone. I keep a lot of time to myself. I hate having to turn people down, but it seems as if I am always doing that. Tomorrow my friend invited me over for dinner, and that should be a lot of fun. We have kind of lost touch, and it should be good for us to get back into the swing of things. Well, I think that has been twenty minutes. I hope you enjoyed my ""interesting"" train of thought. ",Emotions: Empathy,"So, I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. I wonder what I'm supposed to write about. Thousands of ideas enter my mind, but one completely stands out. My roommate is again in a fight with her boyfriend. How can one person have so much anger trapped up inside of them? How can one person be so hurt and so hurtful to or from another. I know that I sometimes get in fights with my boyfriend. But they are nothing like this. I just don't really understand her sometimes. She complains that they don't talk enough, but when they are on the phone  they have absolutely nothing to talk about. What else is new, all she does is sit around in the room waiting for him to call all of the time. I go to class, come back, and there she sits still. I just can't do that. I mean, I'm dedicated and love my boyfriend, but not to the point of putting my own happiness and life on the line for one person. I don't think that I'm selfish, I feel like I have my priorities straighter. Except I happen to be the one without the degree plan that everyone else already has set up. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many opportunities out there, how do you know deadon what you would like to be? My interests change daytoday. One day I want to do this, then the next day it's this other thing. The only sure thing and deadmindset thing that I'm involved with is my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time, and I've never felt as strong about anyone as I feel about him. We make all these plans for our future together that I hope come true. But they are only things that I want right now. I would love to marry this guy, I've been settled down for over a year now, and I'm happy this way. We both adjusted our lives for each other. I just wish the time was here. But I can't help to think of that continuous thought in the back of my head, of what if. I am extremely superstitious. I believe that there is a reason why we met each other, and every event that has happened since, has. But maybe I don't always get what I want because I'm supposed to meet someone else while he is not around. I have never been happier in my life, and I am always afraid of change. This move down here to college shuck me up enough. Now things are finally getting settled and I'm meeting tons of people, but I don't know whether or not I should dedicate my time to what I am giving it to. I make time for everyone, but not always for everyone. I keep a lot of time to myself. I hate having to turn people down, but it seems as if I am always doing that. Tomorrow my friend invited me over for dinner, and that should be a lot of fun. We have kind of lost touch, and it should be good for us to get back into the swing of things. Well, I think that has been twenty minutes. I hope you enjoyed my ""interesting"" train of thought. ",Emotions,Empathy
1998_551027.txt,"It is weird to be here because usually people are here and I could visit them but no one is at home. My brother is now doing all the stuff I did last year and it's kind of a weird role reversal. I am also frustrated because I am here and if it was normal circumstances Jared would be here but of course his family decided to take a vacation and they are out of town. and it's so weird and frustrating to be here and not be able to just call him and see him, I guess it is part of the annoying ""sensitivity"" that girls seem to employ. I need to get out of that habit. But, in an hour and a half or so, I will be driving back to UT and bringing my roommate's and also my friends from here. The whole situation did not work out exactly how we planned because I was going to stay here this whole weekend but then Jill's ride got all messed up so if I don't bring her up today I have Chris and Emily who will be very disappointed and I would feel guilty if I just stayed here instead. but actually I kind of just do want to stay here at home for awhile and actually get some stuff done and just relax but I also am torn the other way too. Whatever, my mind is so strange sometimes. and also I am feeling stupid writing all these thoughts down. Am I going to be diagnosed with some kind of disorder by what I've written? rhetorical question. computers can be very frustrating. It is really getting on my nerves that I am not allowed to complete my pretesting requirement on here. at first I couldn't even access the screen to type in my social security number and then when I could do that it won't accept my password or user name. That is all very frustrating and I've tried all these different computers trying to access it. Oh well. Hopefully, I will finally figure it out. As I just skimmed over what I've written thus far, I am worried. The blurb above says there is no right or wrong thing to say but I have before, just done completely the opposite of what was intended on an assignment and I had to redo it so this makes me slightly nervous as to if the content of this is adequate or not. It is very quiet in this area right now and my thoughts seem so loud in comparison since they are all that I can ""hear"" and it all the activity that is going on. This assignment is actually kind of ironic because usually, I do write down everything that is in my head, like my thoughts and my feelings, and it helps me sort things out. It usually angers my friends because then they never know what upset me before because I wouldn't say anything because I'd have to go write it down to figure it out. Yet, while I'm typing this, it seems so forced to have to write down my thoughts. I guess because the ""audience"" I am typing for is so unknown and I feel self conscious of what I write. I just thought about this calculus homework I've been trying to work on for the past hour or so. It is so aggravating to try and understand something and completely fail or only understand a little bit which does nothing for progress toward solving the problem. I guess that is something I miss. I miss my smaller classes where there was always a lot of discussion and interaction. I guess in a way I'm being selfish but I can't help feeling that way. Oh well, I guess I am still in transition but I'm used to everything I just am not sure how much I like everything. well, I guess that is all my thoughts for now. I am so random sometimes. My train of thought that leads me to some comment or question is sometimes so mixed up and completely out of nowhere that I can't even believe how I think of some things. I'm not sure. But I bet a psychologist somewhere could figure that dilemma out. : ) ",Social Awareness: Social engagement,"It is weird to be here because usually people are here and I could visit them but no one is at home. My brother is now doing all the stuff I did last year and it's kind of a weird role reversal. I am also frustrated because I am here and if it was normal circumstances Jared would be here but of course his family decided to take a vacation and they are out of town. and it's so weird and frustrating to be here and not be able to just call him and see him, I guess it is part of the annoying ""sensitivity"" that girls seem to employ. I need to get out of that habit. But, in an hour and a half or so, I will be driving back to UT and bringing my roommate's and also my friends from here. The whole situation did not work out exactly how we planned because I was going to stay here this whole weekend but then Jill's ride got all messed up so if I don't bring her up today I have Chris and Emily who will be very disappointed and I would feel guilty if I just stayed here instead. but actually I kind of just do want to stay here at home for awhile and actually get some stuff done and just relax but I also am torn the other way too. Whatever, my mind is so strange sometimes. and also I am feeling stupid writing all these thoughts down. Am I going to be diagnosed with some kind of disorder by what I've written? rhetorical question. computers can be very frustrating. It is really getting on my nerves that I am not allowed to complete my pretesting requirement on here. at first I couldn't even access the screen to type in my social security number and then when I could do that it won't accept my password or user name. That is all very frustrating and I've tried all these different computers trying to access it. Oh well. Hopefully, I will finally figure it out. As I just skimmed over what I've written thus far, I am worried. The blurb above says there is no right or wrong thing to say but I have before, just done completely the opposite of what was intended on an assignment and I had to redo it so this makes me slightly nervous as to if the content of this is adequate or not. It is very quiet in this area right now and my thoughts seem so loud in comparison since they are all that I can ""hear"" and it all the activity that is going on. This assignment is actually kind of ironic because usually, I do write down everything that is in my head, like my thoughts and my feelings, and it helps me sort things out. It usually angers my friends because then they never know what upset me before because I wouldn't say anything because I'd have to go write it down to figure it out. Yet, while I'm typing this, it seems so forced to have to write down my thoughts. I guess because the ""audience"" I am typing for is so unknown and I feel self conscious of what I write. I just thought about this calculus homework I've been trying to work on for the past hour or so. It is so aggravating to try and understand something and completely fail or only understand a little bit which does nothing for progress toward solving the problem. I guess that is something I miss. I miss my smaller classes where there was always a lot of discussion and interaction. I guess in a way I'm being selfish but I can't help feeling that way. Oh well, I guess I am still in transition but I'm used to everything I just am not sure how much I like everything. well, I guess that is all my thoughts for now. I am so random sometimes. My train of thought that leads me to some comment or question is sometimes so mixed up and completely out of nowhere that I can't even believe how I think of some things. I'm not sure. But I bet a psychologist somewhere could figure that dilemma out. : ) ",Social Awareness,Social engagement
1999_673541.txt,"Right now I am feeling very stressed out with all of the work and reading that my professors have given me. In my Language of the Stage class my teacher gave my about 60 pages to read and take notes from and we have to discuss the reading this Friday. It has alredy taken me a good long while to take notes on the first 17 pages. I don't know how I am going to read the rest. I am almost thinking that I should just not do it but if I did that I would feel very guilty about myself for not doing it. So I think that I am going to be pulling an all nighter trying to finish reading and taking noes on the materials. I just think that the work he put on us is a little harsh. That is a lot of work. Now my best friend from home was going to come stay with me one night this weekend. I was so excited because I haven't seen her since we both left for school, but now she is not coming but all of her friends that go to school with her now are going to come. I am so upset because I really wanted to see her. She is going back home to see her family instead. I know that she wanted to come stay with me but she just couldn't but I really wanted her here because I know that we would have had so much fun together and I wanted her to meet all of my friends. Oh well, I know that she will come to see me soon I hope. Well so far I have had a really good time here at school. I have become friends with a lot of cool people and my sister is here also. The only problem is that I have been going ouit almost every single night and it is really wearing me down. It's like I wnat to make good grades in school but I also want to go out and meet new people. I am also a Pi Phi here and so there is always something we have to do during the week. I really need to cut back on going out all the time and try to get some good sleep. I also need to start working out again because I don't want to gain weight and I am really afraid about that. I also want to work out just so that I feel good about myself and feel like I have done something productive for the day. I hate feeling like a slob and that is what I have felt like lately. Well I am having so much fun but I really miss my friends that aren't here. Only a couple of my friends are here but I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know everyone even though it can be hard when you don't know many people already. ",Emotions: Stress,"Right now I am feeling very stressed out with all of the work and reading that my professors have given me. In my Language of the Stage class my teacher gave my about 60 pages to read and take notes from and we have to discuss the reading this Friday. It has alredy taken me a good long while to take notes on the first 17 pages. I don't know how I am going to read the rest. I am almost thinking that I should just not do it but if I did that I would feel very guilty about myself for not doing it. So I think that I am going to be pulling an all nighter trying to finish reading and taking noes on the materials. I just think that the work he put on us is a little harsh. That is a lot of work. Now my best friend from home was going to come stay with me one night this weekend. I was so excited because I haven't seen her since we both left for school, but now she is not coming but all of her friends that go to school with her now are going to come. I am so upset because I really wanted to see her. She is going back home to see her family instead. I know that she wanted to come stay with me but she just couldn't but I really wanted her here because I know that we would have had so much fun together and I wanted her to meet all of my friends. Oh well, I know that she will come to see me soon I hope. Well so far I have had a really good time here at school. I have become friends with a lot of cool people and my sister is here also. The only problem is that I have been going ouit almost every single night and it is really wearing me down. It's like I wnat to make good grades in school but I also want to go out and meet new people. I am also a Pi Phi here and so there is always something we have to do during the week. I really need to cut back on going out all the time and try to get some good sleep. I also need to start working out again because I don't want to gain weight and I am really afraid about that. I also want to work out just so that I feel good about myself and feel like I have done something productive for the day. I hate feeling like a slob and that is what I have felt like lately. Well I am having so much fun but I really miss my friends that aren't here. Only a couple of my friends are here but I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know everyone even though it can be hard when you don't know many people already. ",Emotions,Stress
1998_613201.txt,"I honestly have no earthly idea. I just woke up about 2 hours ago. Drop off my younger sister at her school, which is my old high school. My boyfriend is still a senior there. At times it is awkward going there but at the same time very comfortable. I brought my (old) teacher  a lot of buckets for the upcoming carnival for the little kids. I enjoy bringing her to school 1, because I remember how horrible bus rides were. So I never rode it. Actually I rode it 2yrs in middle school, because my mom could not drop me off. And secondly I get to see my Bert. It is weird being in a relationship, not because it is uncomfortable. More like it is a different experience. I never really had a relationship until my senior year. It really isn't hard balancing my priorities. My number one priority is finishing school. Hey, I realized that my typing isn't as bad as I thought. I still have to look at the keys at times. Back to Bert. He really is an extremely wonderful person, cute, good husband material( not that I am thinking about that right now) It's just that it really is hard to find someone genuinely nice and sincere to everyone, and especially you. I think it just sucks that he is my first true relationship. Because, the old notion that the first most likely isn't the last. Only time will tell. It's about 10:02 and I didn't go to work today. Instead, I am doing this lovely assignment. Excuse my typing, I am not that good. Oh, I know what else I am thinking. My big 18 B-Day is coming up, and my dad is still holding strict control over me. Like I am twelve all over again. He doesn't realize that I am growing up and staying home this year doesn't help. Although, I love my home and mother. I only wish certain straining attitudes would alter. My first class today is math 305G. oh, boy! My teacher is actually, pretty nice. Right now it  is much more of a review, and my homework assignment is due today also. There were only actually a few problems that I quite couldn't recall. I just have to practice on more problems. I am not at all surprised of my needed review. The problems were wonderful word problems which I have never seemed to master without practice. Well look here it is three minutes past my 20 minutes. and these people are becoming a little antsy (I think that is how you spell it) about time limits. Oh, if you actually do read any parts of these assignment  I HOPE YOU ARE READING THIS BECAUSE I JUST WAS THINKING THAT YOUR CLASS IS ACTUALLY ENJOYABLE. AND I HOPE TO MEET ONE DAY NEXT WEEK, INSTEAD OF BEING A NUMBER IN YOUR 50000000 PERSON CLASS. (JUST A LITTLE PLAY WITH NUMBERS) Adios, till we meet again for the next writing assignment. Which I'll do tomorrow, because we can't do 2 in one day. Bye                            WRITING ASSIGNMENT 1                             433613201 ",Emotions: Affection,"I honestly have no earthly idea. I just woke up about 2 hours ago. Drop off my younger sister at her school, which is my old high school. My boyfriend is still a senior there. At times it is awkward going there but at the same time very comfortable. I brought my (old) teacher  a lot of buckets for the upcoming carnival for the little kids. I enjoy bringing her to school 1, because I remember how horrible bus rides were. So I never rode it. Actually I rode it 2yrs in middle school, because my mom could not drop me off. And secondly I get to see my Bert. It is weird being in a relationship, not because it is uncomfortable. More like it is a different experience. I never really had a relationship until my senior year. It really isn't hard balancing my priorities. My number one priority is finishing school. Hey, I realized that my typing isn't as bad as I thought. I still have to look at the keys at times. Back to Bert. He really is an extremely wonderful person, cute, good husband material( not that I am thinking about that right now) It's just that it really is hard to find someone genuinely nice and sincere to everyone, and especially you. I think it just sucks that he is my first true relationship. Because, the old notion that the first most likely isn't the last. Only time will tell. It's about 10:02 and I didn't go to work today. Instead, I am doing this lovely assignment. Excuse my typing, I am not that good. Oh, I know what else I am thinking. My big 18 B-Day is coming up, and my dad is still holding strict control over me. Like I am twelve all over again. He doesn't realize that I am growing up and staying home this year doesn't help. Although, I love my home and mother. I only wish certain straining attitudes would alter. My first class today is math 305G. oh, boy! My teacher is actually, pretty nice. Right now it  is much more of a review, and my homework assignment is due today also. There were only actually a few problems that I quite couldn't recall. I just have to practice on more problems. I am not at all surprised of my needed review. The problems were wonderful word problems which I have never seemed to master without practice. Well look here it is three minutes past my 20 minutes. and these people are becoming a little antsy (I think that is how you spell it) about time limits. Oh, if you actually do read any parts of these assignment  I HOPE YOU ARE READING THIS BECAUSE I JUST WAS THINKING THAT YOUR CLASS IS ACTUALLY ENJOYABLE. AND I HOPE TO MEET ONE DAY NEXT WEEK, INSTEAD OF BEING A NUMBER IN YOUR 50000000 PERSON CLASS. (JUST A LITTLE PLAY WITH NUMBERS) Adios, till we meet again for the next writing assignment. Which I'll do tomorrow, because we can't do 2 in one day. Bye                            WRITING ASSIGNMENT 1                             433613201 ",Emotions,Affection
2000_518815.txt,"3:34 twenty minutes to write what I am thinking Well, I am writing this at a time when I should be in class, but at least I am doing my homework. Between reading the book and doing the writing assignments, I think I have this class covered. I must admit I hate missing class because there are so many hotties in the class. When ever I get bored listening to the discussion that is merely a repetition of info in the book, I can stare around at the hundreds of fine chicks in the class. Don't get me wrong the class is interesting, but that's my thought. The guy that is sitting next to me smells bad. I know him, and has just said hello, The only reason I know him is because he is in many of my music classes, and his girlfriend is Hot. Holy shit, she just came in here to talk to him. This is really fucked up. I am trying to evesdrop as I write this. He is telling her what to do. oh wait they are noticing me, she left. Why does she date hIM? He's so nasty. I'm hungry, I ate not to long ago, maybe I want a cigarette. Busy busy busy, have a trombone lesson at five, still have to get my instrument from the instrument NAZI. He was on the sick out we all hate him. Some dude I don't know came up to the guy next to me and pretended to be him girlfriend by rubbing his shoulders, It was funny, I am really starting to get tired of this, but hey anything for a good grade. I am thinking to much abbot what to write. what to think. I am hungry, I wonder what happened in class today I'll just read the next chapter of the book, I like the book it is interesting. Lots of people in the lab today, feel kind of weird writing, can't wait tell Friday, actually every day is good when I am not in class and don't have anything to do. The dude next to me started talking to me, I hate him, I don't even know what he said. Hey 3:54 see you bye ",Emotions: Curiosity,"3:34 twenty minutes to write what I am thinking Well, I am writing this at a time when I should be in class, but at least I am doing my homework. Between reading the book and doing the writing assignments, I think I have this class covered. I must admit I hate missing class because there are so many hotties in the class. When ever I get bored listening to the discussion that is merely a repetition of info in the book, I can stare around at the hundreds of fine chicks in the class. Don't get me wrong the class is interesting, but that's my thought. The guy that is sitting next to me smells bad. I know him, and has just said hello, The only reason I know him is because he is in many of my music classes, and his girlfriend is Hot. Holy shit, she just came in here to talk to him. This is really fucked up. I am trying to evesdrop as I write this. He is telling her what to do. oh wait they are noticing me, she left. Why does she date hIM? He's so nasty. I'm hungry, I ate not to long ago, maybe I want a cigarette. Busy busy busy, have a trombone lesson at five, still have to get my instrument from the instrument NAZI. He was on the sick out we all hate him. Some dude I don't know came up to the guy next to me and pretended to be him girlfriend by rubbing his shoulders, It was funny, I am really starting to get tired of this, but hey anything for a good grade. I am thinking to much abbot what to write. what to think. I am hungry, I wonder what happened in class today I'll just read the next chapter of the book, I like the book it is interesting. Lots of people in the lab today, feel kind of weird writing, can't wait tell Friday, actually every day is good when I am not in class and don't have anything to do. The dude next to me started talking to me, I hate him, I don't even know what he said. Hey 3:54 see you bye ",Emotions,Curiosity
2000_556394.txt,"Okay, I am starting to write for this assignment. I don't really know what I'm supposed to write, but I guess it's sort of like a journal and I'm supposed to write whatever I am thinking. I am kind of overwhelmed by school right now. It is so big here, and it's kind scary. I'm used to knowing everyone around, but here I don't know anyone. Friends is on right now. It's pretty funny. I miss being in Houston where everything is normal. I'm not used to the times shows come on here. This sounds really stupid, like I am just rambling on about nothing. Friends is funny. Am I doing this right? I don't know if this is what y'all are asking me to do. I miss John, the guy I am dating from Houston. I don't really want anything serious with him, but I like him a lot so I am kind of confused on what I should do. Should I have my fun and not date someone I really like a lot, or should I date him and maybe miss out on opportunities to have fun at school. I don't know I am not sure. And then there is my exboyfriend Ricky. I don't want to be with him, but sometimes I miss him. I think it is only when I think back on high school I think about the good times we had and I miss that. I also don't like it that maybe I made the wrong choice in not wanting him and moving on. What if I totally regret it in the future, and I want him back, but he doesn't want me. That would be horrible. I don't know. I'm just pretty confused right now. I don't know what I want about anything. It's hard getting used to everything around here. I miss the show 90210. I was just thinking about it for some weird reason. That used to be my favorite show, but it got cancelled. I'm supposed to go to a frat party tonight but I don't know if I'm going to go or not. My roommate doesn't want to go cause she needs to do work. She's the same major as me. She's a pretty good influence on me. She gets me to go to meetings and stuff that I probably wouldn't go to if it weren't for her dragging me to them. I am filming the volley ball game on Saturday for a live broadcast. I'm glad I am getting involved somehow. I tried to get tickets to the OU game, but I couldn't they were already sold out when I was supposed to get them. I'm pretty bored right now. I probably have lots of grammar mistakes in here, but since I'm free writing, I don't think it really matters. At least I hope it doesn't matter. I'm a little scared about grades. I hope tests and stuff are not too hard. I'm not really thinking about anything right now, so I have nothing to right except that I have nothing in my head. This is a little hard; to right only what you are thinking and not thinking of something to write. I'm glad it rained today, it was nice. I love the rain. Ever since I was a life guard I have loved the rain, cause we got to close the pool and sit around getting paid for doing nothing a miss those days, back in the summer of my freshmen year. Everything was so easy back then, it kind of makes me sad thinking about it, but oh well, I guess I'll make new memories, and have a different kind if fun. Okay, well my time is up. ",Emotions: Nostalgia,"Okay, I am starting to write for this assignment. I don't really know what I'm supposed to write, but I guess it's sort of like a journal and I'm supposed to write whatever I am thinking. I am kind of overwhelmed by school right now. It is so big here, and it's kind scary. I'm used to knowing everyone around, but here I don't know anyone. Friends is on right now. It's pretty funny. I miss being in Houston where everything is normal. I'm not used to the times shows come on here. This sounds really stupid, like I am just rambling on about nothing. Friends is funny. Am I doing this right? I don't know if this is what y'all are asking me to do. I miss John, the guy I am dating from Houston. I don't really want anything serious with him, but I like him a lot so I am kind of confused on what I should do. Should I have my fun and not date someone I really like a lot, or should I date him and maybe miss out on opportunities to have fun at school. I don't know I am not sure. And then there is my exboyfriend Ricky. I don't want to be with him, but sometimes I miss him. I think it is only when I think back on high school I think about the good times we had and I miss that. I also don't like it that maybe I made the wrong choice in not wanting him and moving on. What if I totally regret it in the future, and I want him back, but he doesn't want me. That would be horrible. I don't know. I'm just pretty confused right now. I don't know what I want about anything. It's hard getting used to everything around here. I miss the show 90210. I was just thinking about it for some weird reason. That used to be my favorite show, but it got cancelled. I'm supposed to go to a frat party tonight but I don't know if I'm going to go or not. My roommate doesn't want to go cause she needs to do work. She's the same major as me. She's a pretty good influence on me. She gets me to go to meetings and stuff that I probably wouldn't go to if it weren't for her dragging me to them. I am filming the volley ball game on Saturday for a live broadcast. I'm glad I am getting involved somehow. I tried to get tickets to the OU game, but I couldn't they were already sold out when I was supposed to get them. I'm pretty bored right now. I probably have lots of grammar mistakes in here, but since I'm free writing, I don't think it really matters. At least I hope it doesn't matter. I'm a little scared about grades. I hope tests and stuff are not too hard. I'm not really thinking about anything right now, so I have nothing to right except that I have nothing in my head. This is a little hard; to right only what you are thinking and not thinking of something to write. I'm glad it rained today, it was nice. I love the rain. Ever since I was a life guard I have loved the rain, cause we got to close the pool and sit around getting paid for doing nothing a miss those days, back in the summer of my freshmen year. Everything was so easy back then, it kind of makes me sad thinking about it, but oh well, I guess I'll make new memories, and have a different kind if fun. Okay, well my time is up. ",Emotions,Nostalgia
2000_878834.txt,"Okay. I don't really know what to write. being timed really makes me nervous no matter what I have to do. I have to study for Chemistry. and my roommate is standing over my shoulder. which makes me even more nervous! Ahh! Hmm, what am I going to become when I grow up? I don't know if I have what it takes to become a doctor! And my dad wants me to become an architect now! Oh geeze. I think I'm just going to have to give this all to the Lord. Oh Lord! Anyway, there's so many things I have to do. but all I really want to do is nothing. isn't that a classic? I feel like I'm getting fatter, and I know that I shouldn't be worrying about getting fat since most people consider me average and say that I'm already skinny enough, but I think that being in a ballet company my Jr. year of High School really messed up my mind. They told me to lose 5 lbs or more, and now I'm always so concerned about my weight. Ahh, I love ballet, but I don't think I'll ever want to really become a professional ballerina. even though my ballet teacher really really wants me too! I'm really hungry right now. I want to eat some more Mexican food. Mmm. Mexican food. too bad there's nothing good to eat in the fridge downstairs. bummer. Oh Lord help me! I think I'm starting to get really homesick now; I miss my mommy and my daddy. But most of all, I miss my brother! I want to go to California! I want a big cold front to come in soon. I can't stand this hot humid weather anymore. even though I'm used to it (since I'm from Houston). My back hurts. I think it's from trying to work out on my roommate's torso track. Actually, every part of my body hurts right now. I wish someone in the house knew how to give really good massages right now because I could really go for one right about now. I'm dead tired too. but I can't go to sleep since I have to study for my stupid Chemistry quiz tomorrow. Ughghh. I hate Chemistry so much! And what makes it suck even more is that I'm such a terrible student. I wish I was diligent with my studies and all, but I just can't seem to manage my time right! And I can never seem to set my priorities straight! Oh Lord! I'm such a failure! I have so many weaknesses and shortcomings it's awful. Is my time up yet? Oh darn. I still have a ways to go! I want to go to sleep! My eyelids are drooping. I guess I should have been smart and done this a little earlier. but like I said I don't manage my time efficiently. I wonder if the person reading this is actually reading this carefully or just breezing by it to see if I actually did the assignment and put some effort into it. Do you call this effort? Because it is. it really is. I think I'll go to the architecture library tomorrow. hmm. I hope that cute guy's there! Ha! (like I'm going to do anything really. I'm actually really well preserved. I'm a preserved vessel never dated, never gone to a party, never done drugs, smoked, drank. never done any of that stuff. and it's all because I love the Lord, and I want to be ""well pleasing in His eyes"". therefore, I must present my body as a ""living sacrifice to Him"" because. it should no longer be "" I who live, but Christ who liveth in me"") Oh. I'm so ready to stop now! I want to go shopping! But I feel so poor! I am poor actually. I don't have any money. and neither does the rest of my family. We live on scraps. I guess you could say! I'm so glad we could afford to send me to college! But my brother and sister will have to slave to help finance my way through these 4 years. Oh Lord! Yea! My time's up!  ",Emotions: Empathy,"Okay. I don't really know what to write. being timed really makes me nervous no matter what I have to do. I have to study for Chemistry. and my roommate is standing over my shoulder. which makes me even more nervous! Ahh! Hmm, what am I going to become when I grow up? I don't know if I have what it takes to become a doctor! And my dad wants me to become an architect now! Oh geeze. I think I'm just going to have to give this all to the Lord. Oh Lord! Anyway, there's so many things I have to do. but all I really want to do is nothing. isn't that a classic? I feel like I'm getting fatter, and I know that I shouldn't be worrying about getting fat since most people consider me average and say that I'm already skinny enough, but I think that being in a ballet company my Jr. year of High School really messed up my mind. They told me to lose 5 lbs or more, and now I'm always so concerned about my weight. Ahh, I love ballet, but I don't think I'll ever want to really become a professional ballerina. even though my ballet teacher really really wants me too! I'm really hungry right now. I want to eat some more Mexican food. Mmm. Mexican food. too bad there's nothing good to eat in the fridge downstairs. bummer. Oh Lord help me! I think I'm starting to get really homesick now; I miss my mommy and my daddy. But most of all, I miss my brother! I want to go to California! I want a big cold front to come in soon. I can't stand this hot humid weather anymore. even though I'm used to it (since I'm from Houston). My back hurts. I think it's from trying to work out on my roommate's torso track. Actually, every part of my body hurts right now. I wish someone in the house knew how to give really good massages right now because I could really go for one right about now. I'm dead tired too. but I can't go to sleep since I have to study for my stupid Chemistry quiz tomorrow. Ughghh. I hate Chemistry so much! And what makes it suck even more is that I'm such a terrible student. I wish I was diligent with my studies and all, but I just can't seem to manage my time right! And I can never seem to set my priorities straight! Oh Lord! I'm such a failure! I have so many weaknesses and shortcomings it's awful. Is my time up yet? Oh darn. I still have a ways to go! I want to go to sleep! My eyelids are drooping. I guess I should have been smart and done this a little earlier. but like I said I don't manage my time efficiently. I wonder if the person reading this is actually reading this carefully or just breezing by it to see if I actually did the assignment and put some effort into it. Do you call this effort? Because it is. it really is. I think I'll go to the architecture library tomorrow. hmm. I hope that cute guy's there! Ha! (like I'm going to do anything really. I'm actually really well preserved. I'm a preserved vessel never dated, never gone to a party, never done drugs, smoked, drank. never done any of that stuff. and it's all because I love the Lord, and I want to be ""well pleasing in His eyes"". therefore, I must present my body as a ""living sacrifice to Him"" because. it should no longer be "" I who live, but Christ who liveth in me"") Oh. I'm so ready to stop now! I want to go shopping! But I feel so poor! I am poor actually. I don't have any money. and neither does the rest of my family. We live on scraps. I guess you could say! I'm so glad we could afford to send me to college! But my brother and sister will have to slave to help finance my way through these 4 years. Oh Lord! Yea! My time's up!  ",Emotions,Empathy
1999_876535.txt,"ok so now I'm writing I'm doing this so I can just juno into the assignment its not very interesting so far and my tyoing is slower than my thinking and I had a completely different thought while I was typing that lst sentence ok now wehat I'm still typing I could talk about myself but it would sound kind of lame. my guitar is out of tune and its missing a locking nut and the pickup selector switch is missing its little decorative cover, I could buy new parts but its kind of depressing right now because I don't have any money and it makes me want to give up guitar even more we played a show last night and screwed up a little more than usual but this guy in the band before us that was pretty good but all the same kind of music pop punk was trying to intimidate me by staring at me it didnt work then but its working now the bass player said we were good but I thiought we were terrible there was no harmony the bass and guitar were out of tune anbd the drummer was playing to a different tune is what it seemed like. the vocals werent so good either. we had to cut ourset by nore than hald wich is especially bad for us sinc we have 14 songs and they are all very distinct, not all pop punk or punk ska but some rockabilly and some primus ounding metal stuff a little emo too. I  forget what else oh yeah like old school punk with the snotty vocals well. anyways my dad got mad because I was supposed to help some guy move and I bailed halfway through to go play the show, playing live is like a drug, this time it wasnt so grreat, but weve playeed about 12 or 13 shows and some have been awesome, the crowd going insane because of us were aboutt o lose it any second just trying to hold on to our instruments long enbough to make the next note come out barely even able to keep our feet on the ground. anyways thats all over now because I have to get a job and go to college and theres no time for it ill find other ways to make myself feel good but that was a grweat one and I know my bandmates are depressed about it too. anyways my dad was mad because I did that and left even though I got the 40 bucks and so he's really mad and I don't even feel at home hre, at home asnd I don't feel completely at home in my dorm so I'm restless and it sucks. anyways so thats the whole of that messs and I'm just ttyping now because that whole thing was like one big brain sigh and now I'm breathing normal again. stop. nothing to say. maybe the brain works like that spasms of thought and then kind of a rest. I guess mr pennebaker would know, anyways I smell cinnamon buns and so I'm going to go downstairs for some brakfast and tension and so the food is going to tase bitter, I sort of awant to fgo back to my dorm but I don't really have any friends there yet. oh yeah I was going to go well that was about 20 min stop. ",Emotions: Lack of empathy,"ok so now I'm writing I'm doing this so I can just juno into the assignment its not very interesting so far and my tyoing is slower than my thinking and I had a completely different thought while I was typing that lst sentence ok now wehat I'm still typing I could talk about myself but it would sound kind of lame. my guitar is out of tune and its missing a locking nut and the pickup selector switch is missing its little decorative cover, I could buy new parts but its kind of depressing right now because I don't have any money and it makes me want to give up guitar even more we played a show last night and screwed up a little more than usual but this guy in the band before us that was pretty good but all the same kind of music pop punk was trying to intimidate me by staring at me it didnt work then but its working now the bass player said we were good but I thiought we were terrible there was no harmony the bass and guitar were out of tune anbd the drummer was playing to a different tune is what it seemed like. the vocals werent so good either. we had to cut ourset by nore than hald wich is especially bad for us sinc we have 14 songs and they are all very distinct, not all pop punk or punk ska but some rockabilly and some primus ounding metal stuff a little emo too. I  forget what else oh yeah like old school punk with the snotty vocals well. anyways my dad got mad because I was supposed to help some guy move and I bailed halfway through to go play the show, playing live is like a drug, this time it wasnt so grreat, but weve playeed about 12 or 13 shows and some have been awesome, the crowd going insane because of us were aboutt o lose it any second just trying to hold on to our instruments long enbough to make the next note come out barely even able to keep our feet on the ground. anyways thats all over now because I have to get a job and go to college and theres no time for it ill find other ways to make myself feel good but that was a grweat one and I know my bandmates are depressed about it too. anyways my dad was mad because I did that and left even though I got the 40 bucks and so he's really mad and I don't even feel at home hre, at home asnd I don't feel completely at home in my dorm so I'm restless and it sucks. anyways so thats the whole of that messs and I'm just ttyping now because that whole thing was like one big brain sigh and now I'm breathing normal again. stop. nothing to say. maybe the brain works like that spasms of thought and then kind of a rest. I guess mr pennebaker would know, anyways I smell cinnamon buns and so I'm going to go downstairs for some brakfast and tension and so the food is going to tase bitter, I sort of awant to fgo back to my dorm but I don't really have any friends there yet. oh yeah I was going to go well that was about 20 min stop. ",Emotions,Lack of empathy
2004_56.txt,"I can't believe that I missed my first class this morning. I don't know what happened. Maybe my roommate turned off my alarm early and didn't tell me. But I don't think so, because he's a good guy and he wouldn't do that. I hope there wasn't a quiz in kinesiology today. That would just be my luck. The one time I miss it, there was a quiz. Man this sucks not having books, I'm getting so far behind in all my classes reading. It's going to be hard to catch up. There are some many people in all my classes it's ridiculous. You know what else is ridiculous, not having books. Why can't I get into shape faster?  I know it takes time, but I've been running for 3 weeks and I don't see  much of an improvement. If I am going to walk on the cross country team here I need to be faster than I was in high school. My old high school team mates are not doing so hot right now. The top runners are running about one minute and a half behind what we were running last year. I was running 16:26 for a 5K, but these guys are running like 17:40 for a 5K. They are going to have a lot of time to make up if they are going to be competitive in one of the toughest districts in the state, second to only the woodlands district. God, I hate the woodlands, and cedar park, and Georgetown. I wish I hadn't injured myself during track season, cause I had to take 3 months off the heal. And three months with no running killed me. I gained like 20 pounds during the summer session here at UT. But summer school was so much fun. I met lots of cool guys like Kevin, rahim, and Justin. And a lot of girls. Actually too many girls to count, but out of all those girls, I don't think any of them found me attractive at all. And when ever some girl approaches me at a party, some one will swoop in take her. Some one like Kevin or rahim. I'm still mad for what Kevin did. I can't believe that he ""made out"" with my best friend and the girl that I love so much. That just sucked. I felt like some one had ripped out my heart and then run it over with several big rigs, then dropped it off a high building, then feed it to piranhas in the Amazon rain forest. But I know Kevin didn't do that one purpose, or did he?  But I had a long talk with both Heather and Kevin, and we're cool. Oh and Heather is coming to visit this weekend!  I am so excited! I haven't seen her since before school started like 4 weeks ago. I'm disappointed because she was supposed to come to UT but she didn't get into articture school so she had to go to atm, but she is going to transfer her in a year. I hope. I have to plan a fun weekend with stuff for us to do, so she and I can have a good time again. But what do I do?  I have to work part of sat and sun, but we still can have fun Friday and then after I get off work. I just want her to be happy, if its not with me then so be it. But I will marry her, I will marry her, because I love her so much and she is my best friend. I hope she feels the same way. I don't know what to do, cause I don't want to mess up our perfect friendship, oh well. We will have to see what unfolds. ",Emotions: Excitement,"I can't believe that I missed my first class this morning. I don't know what happened. Maybe my roommate turned off my alarm early and didn't tell me. But I don't think so, because he's a good guy and he wouldn't do that. I hope there wasn't a quiz in kinesiology today. That would just be my luck. The one time I miss it, there was a quiz. Man this sucks not having books, I'm getting so far behind in all my classes reading. It's going to be hard to catch up. There are some many people in all my classes it's ridiculous. You know what else is ridiculous, not having books. Why can't I get into shape faster?  I know it takes time, but I've been running for 3 weeks and I don't see  much of an improvement. If I am going to walk on the cross country team here I need to be faster than I was in high school. My old high school team mates are not doing so hot right now. The top runners are running about one minute and a half behind what we were running last year. I was running 16:26 for a 5K, but these guys are running like 17:40 for a 5K. They are going to have a lot of time to make up if they are going to be competitive in one of the toughest districts in the state, second to only the woodlands district. God, I hate the woodlands, and cedar park, and Georgetown. I wish I hadn't injured myself during track season, cause I had to take 3 months off the heal. And three months with no running killed me. I gained like 20 pounds during the summer session here at UT. But summer school was so much fun. I met lots of cool guys like Kevin, rahim, and Justin. And a lot of girls. Actually too many girls to count, but out of all those girls, I don't think any of them found me attractive at all. And when ever some girl approaches me at a party, some one will swoop in take her. Some one like Kevin or rahim. I'm still mad for what Kevin did. I can't believe that he ""made out"" with my best friend and the girl that I love so much. That just sucked. I felt like some one had ripped out my heart and then run it over with several big rigs, then dropped it off a high building, then feed it to piranhas in the Amazon rain forest. But I know Kevin didn't do that one purpose, or did he?  But I had a long talk with both Heather and Kevin, and we're cool. Oh and Heather is coming to visit this weekend!  I am so excited! I haven't seen her since before school started like 4 weeks ago. I'm disappointed because she was supposed to come to UT but she didn't get into articture school so she had to go to atm, but she is going to transfer her in a year. I hope. I have to plan a fun weekend with stuff for us to do, so she and I can have a good time again. But what do I do?  I have to work part of sat and sun, but we still can have fun Friday and then after I get off work. I just want her to be happy, if its not with me then so be it. But I will marry her, I will marry her, because I love her so much and she is my best friend. I hope she feels the same way. I don't know what to do, cause I don't want to mess up our perfect friendship, oh well. We will have to see what unfolds. ",Emotions,Excitement
2000_618192.txt,"I would guess the only thoughts in my head right now are on weather or not I doing the things I should be. Is the sorority right for me? I really don't like my pledge class that much but I like most of the other girls in Alpha Phi. I don't know I'm just so afraid that I've totally missed God's plan for my life. It worries me. What if Pharmacy isn't where I'm supposed to be. I love listening to people's problems and just being there to help them but I don't know what to do with that. Where are my thoughts headed I'm not exactly sure I let my though wonder lots of times and they just kind of go in every direction. Sometimes the end up to will I ever find the guy I'm supposed to marry? I really do wonder that sometimes. He has to be out there somewhere but where? I don't know. I hate watching Emily and Justin. Its really kind of stupid but its not that its stupid its that I want that too. That guy has to be out there somewhere and I just haven't found him yet but I always want a boyfriends it just seems like lots of time I have bad luck finding one. And it seems that everyone here has one all the freaking time. Its annoying I want to find that Christian perfect guy out there for me. Maybe it is Chris but I doubt it. We're just way to different. I don't know. Its crazy being here at college things are so different. I don't know exactly where I'm supposed to be. Hopefully I'll find it soon. I like the things I'm doing but something's wrong. I have doubts anytime I'm not doing them if that what I'm supposed to be doing but then I'm with those people and I have a great time. It's really confusing. I just need to find that close best friends that I haven't quit found yet. And I really can't wait for next summer its going to be a blast. I think God is putting me there for a purpose but what it is I'm not sure. I just can't wait. I just hope by that time I'll know what it is I'm supposed to be doing here and be totally happy. Its like I feel sometimes I'm putting on a show. It's weird. I hate that I'm kind of in a group who went to high school together. It makes it really hard to fit in. I just need to find my group but hopefully I have now with joining Hyde Park. It'll be all good. Its weird I think that with all the moving I've done it changes things here because I'm used to being on my own and finding new people but it seems so far everyone does stuff with people they already knew or stuff. It's weird. I can't wait though to see some of my old friends. It'll be great fun I miss them lots but then I don't either. I just need to find my new group its what I've been waiting for for a while now and I know that group includes a boyfriend. I guess I'm more ready to find that guy than I wanted to admit. Its not like I'm ready to get married just to find him and start getting to know him better. I just want to find my best friend and that best friend will be the man of my dreams who I will marry and I guess I'm just being impatient to meet him. Very quickly. Because it'll be so neat to find him. I can't wait for tonight because I""LL BE going back to church and that's always fun its my favorite thing to do. It's a good thing. And I don't want to go home this weekend but I know I need to so I'm not to happy about that. Its really weird as I am wiring this I'm seeing more into me of feelings that I've tried to hide but I guess are there more than expected. Its funny I don't know what I'm looking for but I need to find it. I have God and I really want to deepen my relationship with him tremendously. I think I'm on the right path for that. I'll get there soon. I just don't know when. I'm so glad though that I found my church home that makes me feel lots better. Really it does. I just know I have a home now. And my Impulse group is great. I know that will be tons of fun. I just can't wait until Wed when we have it again. I think that will be something I'll look forward to each week because its so much fun. And I think I will get along with my group very well. I really miss my grandma lots. She was like my best friend last semester and I could tell her anything. It was nice and I still can except she doesn't write me long email back. I wish she would it would make it better. But that's ok she's still getting the hang of the Internet. Some day she'll learn how to use it and become a pro. I know she will. I hope there isn't anything really wrong with her leg. That wouldn't be good. I'm sure there's not but you never know and she loves to hide it form everybody which is bad because what if there is something really wrong. IT doesn't do any good to hide it from everybody. She didn't let my grandpa do it so why should we let her do it? Not fair and it won't happen. ",Emotions: Worry,"I would guess the only thoughts in my head right now are on weather or not I doing the things I should be. Is the sorority right for me? I really don't like my pledge class that much but I like most of the other girls in Alpha Phi. I don't know I'm just so afraid that I've totally missed God's plan for my life. It worries me. What if Pharmacy isn't where I'm supposed to be. I love listening to people's problems and just being there to help them but I don't know what to do with that. Where are my thoughts headed I'm not exactly sure I let my though wonder lots of times and they just kind of go in every direction. Sometimes the end up to will I ever find the guy I'm supposed to marry? I really do wonder that sometimes. He has to be out there somewhere but where? I don't know. I hate watching Emily and Justin. Its really kind of stupid but its not that its stupid its that I want that too. That guy has to be out there somewhere and I just haven't found him yet but I always want a boyfriends it just seems like lots of time I have bad luck finding one. And it seems that everyone here has one all the freaking time. Its annoying I want to find that Christian perfect guy out there for me. Maybe it is Chris but I doubt it. We're just way to different. I don't know. Its crazy being here at college things are so different. I don't know exactly where I'm supposed to be. Hopefully I'll find it soon. I like the things I'm doing but something's wrong. I have doubts anytime I'm not doing them if that what I'm supposed to be doing but then I'm with those people and I have a great time. It's really confusing. I just need to find that close best friends that I haven't quit found yet. And I really can't wait for next summer its going to be a blast. I think God is putting me there for a purpose but what it is I'm not sure. I just can't wait. I just hope by that time I'll know what it is I'm supposed to be doing here and be totally happy. Its like I feel sometimes I'm putting on a show. It's weird. I hate that I'm kind of in a group who went to high school together. It makes it really hard to fit in. I just need to find my group but hopefully I have now with joining Hyde Park. It'll be all good. Its weird I think that with all the moving I've done it changes things here because I'm used to being on my own and finding new people but it seems so far everyone does stuff with people they already knew or stuff. It's weird. I can't wait though to see some of my old friends. It'll be great fun I miss them lots but then I don't either. I just need to find my new group its what I've been waiting for for a while now and I know that group includes a boyfriend. I guess I'm more ready to find that guy than I wanted to admit. Its not like I'm ready to get married just to find him and start getting to know him better. I just want to find my best friend and that best friend will be the man of my dreams who I will marry and I guess I'm just being impatient to meet him. Very quickly. Because it'll be so neat to find him. I can't wait for tonight because I""LL BE going back to church and that's always fun its my favorite thing to do. It's a good thing. And I don't want to go home this weekend but I know I need to so I'm not to happy about that. Its really weird as I am wiring this I'm seeing more into me of feelings that I've tried to hide but I guess are there more than expected. Its funny I don't know what I'm looking for but I need to find it. I have God and I really want to deepen my relationship with him tremendously. I think I'm on the right path for that. I'll get there soon. I just don't know when. I'm so glad though that I found my church home that makes me feel lots better. Really it does. I just know I have a home now. And my Impulse group is great. I know that will be tons of fun. I just can't wait until Wed when we have it again. I think that will be something I'll look forward to each week because its so much fun. And I think I will get along with my group very well. I really miss my grandma lots. She was like my best friend last semester and I could tell her anything. It was nice and I still can except she doesn't write me long email back. I wish she would it would make it better. But that's ok she's still getting the hang of the Internet. Some day she'll learn how to use it and become a pro. I know she will. I hope there isn't anything really wrong with her leg. That wouldn't be good. I'm sure there's not but you never know and she loves to hide it form everybody which is bad because what if there is something really wrong. IT doesn't do any good to hide it from everybody. She didn't let my grandpa do it so why should we let her do it? Not fair and it won't happen. ",Emotions,Worry
2000_710213.txt,"What does the drug ecstasy do to the brain? I have been very curious about this for some time now. Maybe you could tell us what studies have concluded about this drug. The reason why I am so curious is because many of my friends have recently discovered and become enchanted with it. In fact, in about the middle of the second semester of my senior year in high school, it became almost like an ecstasy epidemic! Several of my friends have done it up to 11 or 12 times already! I haven't tried it since I refuse to do drugs but I'm really interested to find out what its long term effects are and why it produces the reaction that it does. Apparently, when on ecstasy, it feels as if nothing can go wrong and everything is perfect. Music is everything and once listening, someone who is rolling (the term used to define the feeling one gets after taking X) can't pull away. Also, they say they feel as if they have ""lungs of steel"" in that they are constantly smoking cigarettes and feel as if they can't stop. Oh, and the mouth chewing. Why does that happen? Their mouths jitter while they're rolling and after the drug wears off, their mouths hurt or feel sore. That's why you can tell when someone is rolling at a party. Well, first of all they're sweating profusely and also they're chewing lots and lots of gum! Its crazy actually. I went to a rave with my friends last Saturday. It was at Austin Music Hall. At least 70% of the people attending the rave was rolling on X. Well, essentially, that's what rave's are for. Its a closed space with djs who spin techno and trance music for a huge group of people, the majority of whom is Xing like crazy! Anyway, my friends had a blast there. of course they were rolling. I had fun too, but not nearly as much I imagine! In fact, it was 3:30 in the morning, we had been dancing for at least 4 hours straight, and one of my friends refused to leave because he was rolling so hard and not remotely tired. Doesn't this sound crazy? What does the drug do to people? Have any severe, longlasting consequences been discovered for sure. I've been told several theories, some of which include the brain bleeding, there being permanent damage on the spine, memory loss, and brain cells being killed. Sounds like some dangerous stuff these people are playing around with. If it weren't an illegal drug, I'd definitely try it (provided it didn't totally screw me up in the future!) considering how wonderful everyone tells me it is. And not just word of mouth. I've seen people on it countless times. They look as if they could die happy right then and there! I don't know if you're planning on discussing anything like this in class but I'm really interested in finding out more about X. Just out of curiosity! Well, I think I'd like to talk about something remotely related. One of the guys whom I'm talking about, in fact, he's in this class with me, is named J. I went to high school with him but we were never friends. We hung out at the same parties with the same group of people generally, but we barely even talked to each other. Well he and his friend are living at Towers together and since we're all down here together we've been hanging out a lot. A whole lot, in fact. And I wasn't really planning on anything happening between us but the night of the rave, a lot of people stayed the night at their place, including me, and we kind of ""hooked up. "" Now, ever since then, we've kind of been messing around well, nothing much. The thing is, we haven't mentioned it to each other at all. We keep doing it but don't discuss it. So I'm not sure what the deal is. I think I like him. well, actually, yes I do like him. The problem is. does he like me? I can't tell either way. I mean, he's a guy so just the fact that he keeps fooling around with me doesn't mean much. He could hate my guts for all I know and still be doing what he's doing just to get some! That would really suck. And I don't want to ask him because, well for one, I wouldn't know what to say. And for two, I'm scared of the answer. That would just be awful if I spill my guts and he totally cops out. And what's worse is if that happens, not only are we in this class together, but we have to go to the same school for the next four years! What should I do? I don't know. I hope something happens soon that'll figure this out for me well, something GOOD that is! I've written a lot more than twenty minutes so I should probably go now. I guess this wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Whew! ",Emotions: Curiosity,"What does the drug ecstasy do to the brain? I have been very curious about this for some time now. Maybe you could tell us what studies have concluded about this drug. The reason why I am so curious is because many of my friends have recently discovered and become enchanted with it. In fact, in about the middle of the second semester of my senior year in high school, it became almost like an ecstasy epidemic! Several of my friends have done it up to 11 or 12 times already! I haven't tried it since I refuse to do drugs but I'm really interested to find out what its long term effects are and why it produces the reaction that it does. Apparently, when on ecstasy, it feels as if nothing can go wrong and everything is perfect. Music is everything and once listening, someone who is rolling (the term used to define the feeling one gets after taking X) can't pull away. Also, they say they feel as if they have ""lungs of steel"" in that they are constantly smoking cigarettes and feel as if they can't stop. Oh, and the mouth chewing. Why does that happen? Their mouths jitter while they're rolling and after the drug wears off, their mouths hurt or feel sore. That's why you can tell when someone is rolling at a party. Well, first of all they're sweating profusely and also they're chewing lots and lots of gum! Its crazy actually. I went to a rave with my friends last Saturday. It was at Austin Music Hall. At least 70% of the people attending the rave was rolling on X. Well, essentially, that's what rave's are for. Its a closed space with djs who spin techno and trance music for a huge group of people, the majority of whom is Xing like crazy! Anyway, my friends had a blast there. of course they were rolling. I had fun too, but not nearly as much I imagine! In fact, it was 3:30 in the morning, we had been dancing for at least 4 hours straight, and one of my friends refused to leave because he was rolling so hard and not remotely tired. Doesn't this sound crazy? What does the drug do to people? Have any severe, longlasting consequences been discovered for sure. I've been told several theories, some of which include the brain bleeding, there being permanent damage on the spine, memory loss, and brain cells being killed. Sounds like some dangerous stuff these people are playing around with. If it weren't an illegal drug, I'd definitely try it (provided it didn't totally screw me up in the future!) considering how wonderful everyone tells me it is. And not just word of mouth. I've seen people on it countless times. They look as if they could die happy right then and there! I don't know if you're planning on discussing anything like this in class but I'm really interested in finding out more about X. Just out of curiosity! Well, I think I'd like to talk about something remotely related. One of the guys whom I'm talking about, in fact, he's in this class with me, is named J. I went to high school with him but we were never friends. We hung out at the same parties with the same group of people generally, but we barely even talked to each other. Well he and his friend are living at Towers together and since we're all down here together we've been hanging out a lot. A whole lot, in fact. And I wasn't really planning on anything happening between us but the night of the rave, a lot of people stayed the night at their place, including me, and we kind of ""hooked up. "" Now, ever since then, we've kind of been messing around well, nothing much. The thing is, we haven't mentioned it to each other at all. We keep doing it but don't discuss it. So I'm not sure what the deal is. I think I like him. well, actually, yes I do like him. The problem is. does he like me? I can't tell either way. I mean, he's a guy so just the fact that he keeps fooling around with me doesn't mean much. He could hate my guts for all I know and still be doing what he's doing just to get some! That would really suck. And I don't want to ask him because, well for one, I wouldn't know what to say. And for two, I'm scared of the answer. That would just be awful if I spill my guts and he totally cops out. And what's worse is if that happens, not only are we in this class together, but we have to go to the same school for the next four years! What should I do? I don't know. I hope something happens soon that'll figure this out for me well, something GOOD that is! I've written a lot more than twenty minutes so I should probably go now. I guess this wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Whew! ",Emotions,Curiosity
1998_979711.txt,"I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does  believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems. ",Social Awareness: Lack of commitment,"I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does  believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems. ",Social Awareness,Lack of commitment
2002_673493.txt,"     So I started my college life about two weeks ago. It has all gone pretty much as to what I had expected it to be like. I live in University Towers which is an off campus dorm and I have met tons of new people. I live with four girls whom I didnt know when I first started school. Some older people at the University set us up. I really like the fact that we are all starting new with each other. We get to experience our new life together. We get along great and do everything together. I am also really enjoying the fact that I get to make all my decisions on my own. Not having parents around all the time has its up's and it's downs. I mean I don't have someone annoying me all the time about finishing my work I have to realize when it has to be turned in and different deadlines for tests and projects. I have however found it kind of difficult to really take on a full schedule and truly realize everything that has to be taken care of in one full day. I have noticed that there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything completly finished. With homework, reading, running errands and outside activites there is so much to do with so little time. My roomate and I have had grown very close over the past two weeks. We have developed many habbits that we both enjoy. We realized that it takes the longest for the two of us to get ready and we love listening to music while we get ready because it pumps us up and gets us excited. I feel that the two of us are only going to get closer as our college life unfolds itself. We both experienced Texas Recruitment together. We both wanted to join the same sorority so that we could have another aspect of our life in college together to be the same. We accomplished another goal of us and we both got bids to the same sorority. I feel at home whenever I am at the house. Each and every girl is excited with open arms to welcome all 63 of the new pledges. I am so glad that not only are we roomates with each other we are sorority sisters as well. Other than my social life and living arrangements at school, the most important aspect is my education. I am taking 4 classes which comes out to 14 hours. I chose the classes that I wanted to take and the first two weeks have gone great. The work load started off fine and I think that I am going to be able to handle everything. I was a little nervous at first about the large classes because I came from a high school that was a decent size but the classes ranged from 10-35 people. My classes at Texas on the other hand were quite large. I didnt know if I was going to be able to concentrate during a lecture if there were on average 100-300 people in the classes. As soon as one day passed I knew it wouldnt be a problem as long as I got to class early so that I would have a decent seat and be able to listen as closly as I could. As these last two weeks have flown by I have realized differnt tecniques to make the rest of my experiences at Texas even better. I have learned from my mistakes and I have gained from my experiences.                       ",Thinking styles: Resilient,"     So I started my college life about two weeks ago. It has all gone pretty much as to what I had expected it to be like. I live in University Towers which is an off campus dorm and I have met tons of new people. I live with four girls whom I didnt know when I first started school. Some older people at the University set us up. I really like the fact that we are all starting new with each other. We get to experience our new life together. We get along great and do everything together. I am also really enjoying the fact that I get to make all my decisions on my own. Not having parents around all the time has its up's and it's downs. I mean I don't have someone annoying me all the time about finishing my work I have to realize when it has to be turned in and different deadlines for tests and projects. I have however found it kind of difficult to really take on a full schedule and truly realize everything that has to be taken care of in one full day. I have noticed that there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything completly finished. With homework, reading, running errands and outside activites there is so much to do with so little time. My roomate and I have had grown very close over the past two weeks. We have developed many habbits that we both enjoy. We realized that it takes the longest for the two of us to get ready and we love listening to music while we get ready because it pumps us up and gets us excited. I feel that the two of us are only going to get closer as our college life unfolds itself. We both experienced Texas Recruitment together. We both wanted to join the same sorority so that we could have another aspect of our life in college together to be the same. We accomplished another goal of us and we both got bids to the same sorority. I feel at home whenever I am at the house. Each and every girl is excited with open arms to welcome all 63 of the new pledges. I am so glad that not only are we roomates with each other we are sorority sisters as well. Other than my social life and living arrangements at school, the most important aspect is my education. I am taking 4 classes which comes out to 14 hours. I chose the classes that I wanted to take and the first two weeks have gone great. The work load started off fine and I think that I am going to be able to handle everything. I was a little nervous at first about the large classes because I came from a high school that was a decent size but the classes ranged from 10-35 people. My classes at Texas on the other hand were quite large. I didnt know if I was going to be able to concentrate during a lecture if there were on average 100-300 people in the classes. As soon as one day passed I knew it wouldnt be a problem as long as I got to class early so that I would have a decent seat and be able to listen as closly as I could. As these last two weeks have flown by I have realized differnt tecniques to make the rest of my experiences at Texas even better. I have learned from my mistakes and I have gained from my experiences.                       ",Thinking styles,Resilient
2000_966826.txt,"It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about  everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, ""voyeurs"". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves ""voyeurs"" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are ""true to science"" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says ""mother"" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much. ",Social Awareness: Self-confidence,"It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about  everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, ""voyeurs"". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves ""voyeurs"" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are ""true to science"" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says ""mother"" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much. ",Social Awareness,Self-confidence
1999_065414.txt,"I'm just wondering how everything is going to work out, I mean, how is my relationship going to work out if she's in Cali and I'm in TExas. Well, I guess it shouldn't matter that much cause I should be thinking about school. Damn, this place gives me the creeps. No one that I can really talk to. How is anyone going to survive here. Gosh, I miss my baby. Am I making the right choices here in classes?  Am I making the right choices in my relationship?  I mean, if it doesn't work out, then what am I going to do?  My relationship . man, I'm confused. This place is big. This university is big. How am I going to stand out?  I haven't met any new friends, not very many. My room mate also sucks. I have no money. That's another thing, how am I going to survive financially?  How am I to get enough money to support my college tuition?  Mom and dad can't provide the whole thing and financial aid won't cover it all. How am I to make up the rest of the money?  And if I do get a job, how am I to balance my job and school at the same time. Gee, and how come I keep thinking of my girlfriend?  Damn, everything goes back to her. I can't believe the time I spend thinking of her. This is hopeless. I can't believe I'm even doing this relationship thing. Damn, my head hurts. I hope I'm doing this assignment right. If not, then I'm in trouble. what a way  to start out college. Man, I have a headache. I wonder if I'm dying. Ha, I wonder if I'm dying all the time. I wonder if I make myself sick by thinking about that so much?  I hope I don't get fat. I hope this college thing doesn't' make me fat and I hope that this whole college thing works out. I don't want to waste anymore of my parent's money. I don't even know what I'm doing here in college. I don't know what I want to be, what I want to do, or how the future's going to be like. Maybe I'm scaring myself. I think about this stuff too much when I should be out doing something about it. I feel so lazy and so useless. So insignificant. Is this what the real world going to be like?  Am I going to be another insignificant person?  Gosh, my head hurts. Everyone in this room looks dead. Everyone looks like they've been drained of their energy. Man, it's been only 14 minutes and I am writing a bunch of crap. Ha, I guess this is stream of conscience writing huh?  I guess it means to just talk to yourself. How come I don't see any familiar faces?  No one here is a familiar face to me. I thought I knew a lot of people but damn, I know no one. I hope things get better. I don't think I can stand much more of this. I want to go home for a while. Jester's food is getting old and I miss my parents. I just miss having nothing to do. Maybe I'm just lazy, I don't know. I can't keep thinking like this. I'm not lazy. Think positive buddy. Ha, I'm talking to myself again. I wonder what the professor's going to think about this paper?  Oh well, out of 500 some odd students in a class, I don't' think anyone's going to get to this paper. See what I mean?  InsignificantF!!!  Why so pessimistic Hai?  Damn, what happened to the old you?  I guess things change huh?  I guess things are never going to be the same. Didn't you say you wanted to go to college to get away from it all?  Didn't you say that you wanted to start over?  HEre's your chance buddy. Take the risk. BE yourself. Meet people. Make yourself a significant part of something. Don't just dissapear. oh, times up. ",Emotions: Empathy,"I'm just wondering how everything is going to work out, I mean, how is my relationship going to work out if she's in Cali and I'm in TExas. Well, I guess it shouldn't matter that much cause I should be thinking about school. Damn, this place gives me the creeps. No one that I can really talk to. How is anyone going to survive here. Gosh, I miss my baby. Am I making the right choices here in classes?  Am I making the right choices in my relationship?  I mean, if it doesn't work out, then what am I going to do?  My relationship . man, I'm confused. This place is big. This university is big. How am I going to stand out?  I haven't met any new friends, not very many. My room mate also sucks. I have no money. That's another thing, how am I going to survive financially?  How am I to get enough money to support my college tuition?  Mom and dad can't provide the whole thing and financial aid won't cover it all. How am I to make up the rest of the money?  And if I do get a job, how am I to balance my job and school at the same time. Gee, and how come I keep thinking of my girlfriend?  Damn, everything goes back to her. I can't believe the time I spend thinking of her. This is hopeless. I can't believe I'm even doing this relationship thing. Damn, my head hurts. I hope I'm doing this assignment right. If not, then I'm in trouble. what a way  to start out college. Man, I have a headache. I wonder if I'm dying. Ha, I wonder if I'm dying all the time. I wonder if I make myself sick by thinking about that so much?  I hope I don't get fat. I hope this college thing doesn't' make me fat and I hope that this whole college thing works out. I don't want to waste anymore of my parent's money. I don't even know what I'm doing here in college. I don't know what I want to be, what I want to do, or how the future's going to be like. Maybe I'm scaring myself. I think about this stuff too much when I should be out doing something about it. I feel so lazy and so useless. So insignificant. Is this what the real world going to be like?  Am I going to be another insignificant person?  Gosh, my head hurts. Everyone in this room looks dead. Everyone looks like they've been drained of their energy. Man, it's been only 14 minutes and I am writing a bunch of crap. Ha, I guess this is stream of conscience writing huh?  I guess it means to just talk to yourself. How come I don't see any familiar faces?  No one here is a familiar face to me. I thought I knew a lot of people but damn, I know no one. I hope things get better. I don't think I can stand much more of this. I want to go home for a while. Jester's food is getting old and I miss my parents. I just miss having nothing to do. Maybe I'm just lazy, I don't know. I can't keep thinking like this. I'm not lazy. Think positive buddy. Ha, I'm talking to myself again. I wonder what the professor's going to think about this paper?  Oh well, out of 500 some odd students in a class, I don't' think anyone's going to get to this paper. See what I mean?  InsignificantF!!!  Why so pessimistic Hai?  Damn, what happened to the old you?  I guess things change huh?  I guess things are never going to be the same. Didn't you say you wanted to go to college to get away from it all?  Didn't you say that you wanted to start over?  HEre's your chance buddy. Take the risk. BE yourself. Meet people. Make yourself a significant part of something. Don't just dissapear. oh, times up. ",Emotions,Empathy
1997_262585.txt,"I am wondering whether or not I should try out for the dance team. In away I want to so I will have something to be a part of but at the same time I'm fearing the inevitable rejection. Rather than be rejected I'm just not going to try but then I'll always wonder whether or not I could have made it if I had tried. If I do try out and then I fail everybody will know that I FAILED AND I'll be embarrassed. I risked failure when I pledged but I did it anyway. My neighbor failed and I didn't think any less of her so why should I think any less of myself. I'll look fat in the leotard and tights, but one reason I want to do it is so I'll stay in shape. Everything is too competitive. I wonder what my cats doing since when you gave this assignment you mentioned a dos so I started to think about my cat. Then the picture frame I got today since I have a picture of my cat but I have to get another frame for my cat picture. My entire room is decorated in cat things. I found a gecko in my room today. There not have as big as the lizards we used to find in the house when I lived in Arizona. they used to be at least a foot long. I wonder what I'm going to do tomorrow I have reading to do in the morning. I can't help but put in capital letters at the beginning of sentences and periods. My mom wanted me to copy this and run spell check, how stupid. that what you get for having an English teacher for a mother. I want to get a calendar to put up all my things. I’m scared to death I'll miss something like a homework assignment or test. I wonder if I need to be studying more often. It seems like I'm not doing enough. I don't know what I'll do if I fail. I hope I'm doing this write. It seems like the paper is just going on and on and on. I seem to worry about failure alot. I hate typing, I never memorized where the keys were so I keep goofing. My parents always told me to take typing but I was too lazy and afraid I was going to not get an A. I wonder how my sister got involved, society of women engineers. I say a bent today on the way to class. The other graduate students are coming on the 19 here. I bet it would be easier if I didn't repeat to myself what I was typing I need to go by the Newman center to meet n9ice boys. Why bother I never going to get married I probably not even going to get good grades and I'll never get in to med school and I'm going to flunk out. God I hope not or I'll end up as a house wife not that that's bad but I always wanted a career and my sisters so successful. My parents would be so disappointed. Now I'm starting to sound negative like that survey said but I was much more optimistic in the survey I wonder if those ever prove anything or if people really lie to themselves when they're doing those even though they think they're being realistic this girl beside me took forever doing the survey. How much time do I have left? IS anybody even ever going to read this? Probably  that was why it was done on the internet that reminds me of the guy I sat next to in Chem. I hope he doesn't think that I was offended by his remark it doesn't bother me I'm used to it with Adam and all. I feel like I've typed forever and it looks like nothing on this sheet the way it goes to infinity on the right. I keep on thinking about what to type instead of just typing what I'm think I just its just a habit from writing so many in class essays and such I'm so happy I passed the AP that way I don't have to take any English classes and I showed Mr. Cody and my mother I wonder what Patrick's doing. He got a 5. The girl at dinner the other night was so stupid she thought she got a 560 and the SAT's and the AP's were the same thing that's why I'm not a pom that and the fact I'm not talented enough since I spent a lot of high school studying instead of dancing or anything else. I can't imagine having three hours of practice a day. I guess I had as much with games and all but it seems like a lot less. I had a ton of fun at games though and wouldn't have given it up for it now. That's how I tell whether or not it was worth it if I would trade it for something else now not that I could go back and repeat it so I guess it doesn't matter anyway.   ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I am wondering whether or not I should try out for the dance team. In away I want to so I will have something to be a part of but at the same time I'm fearing the inevitable rejection. Rather than be rejected I'm just not going to try but then I'll always wonder whether or not I could have made it if I had tried. If I do try out and then I fail everybody will know that I FAILED AND I'll be embarrassed. I risked failure when I pledged but I did it anyway. My neighbor failed and I didn't think any less of her so why should I think any less of myself. I'll look fat in the leotard and tights, but one reason I want to do it is so I'll stay in shape. Everything is too competitive. I wonder what my cats doing since when you gave this assignment you mentioned a dos so I started to think about my cat. Then the picture frame I got today since I have a picture of my cat but I have to get another frame for my cat picture. My entire room is decorated in cat things. I found a gecko in my room today. There not have as big as the lizards we used to find in the house when I lived in Arizona. they used to be at least a foot long. I wonder what I'm going to do tomorrow I have reading to do in the morning. I can't help but put in capital letters at the beginning of sentences and periods. My mom wanted me to copy this and run spell check, how stupid. that what you get for having an English teacher for a mother. I want to get a calendar to put up all my things. I’m scared to death I'll miss something like a homework assignment or test. I wonder if I need to be studying more often. It seems like I'm not doing enough. I don't know what I'll do if I fail. I hope I'm doing this write. It seems like the paper is just going on and on and on. I seem to worry about failure alot. I hate typing, I never memorized where the keys were so I keep goofing. My parents always told me to take typing but I was too lazy and afraid I was going to not get an A. I wonder how my sister got involved, society of women engineers. I say a bent today on the way to class. The other graduate students are coming on the 19 here. I bet it would be easier if I didn't repeat to myself what I was typing I need to go by the Newman center to meet n9ice boys. Why bother I never going to get married I probably not even going to get good grades and I'll never get in to med school and I'm going to flunk out. God I hope not or I'll end up as a house wife not that that's bad but I always wanted a career and my sisters so successful. My parents would be so disappointed. Now I'm starting to sound negative like that survey said but I was much more optimistic in the survey I wonder if those ever prove anything or if people really lie to themselves when they're doing those even though they think they're being realistic this girl beside me took forever doing the survey. How much time do I have left? IS anybody even ever going to read this? Probably  that was why it was done on the internet that reminds me of the guy I sat next to in Chem. I hope he doesn't think that I was offended by his remark it doesn't bother me I'm used to it with Adam and all. I feel like I've typed forever and it looks like nothing on this sheet the way it goes to infinity on the right. I keep on thinking about what to type instead of just typing what I'm think I just its just a habit from writing so many in class essays and such I'm so happy I passed the AP that way I don't have to take any English classes and I showed Mr. Cody and my mother I wonder what Patrick's doing. He got a 5. The girl at dinner the other night was so stupid she thought she got a 560 and the SAT's and the AP's were the same thing that's why I'm not a pom that and the fact I'm not talented enough since I spent a lot of high school studying instead of dancing or anything else. I can't imagine having three hours of practice a day. I guess I had as much with games and all but it seems like a lot less. I had a ton of fun at games though and wouldn't have given it up for it now. That's how I tell whether or not it was worth it if I would trade it for something else now not that I could go back and repeat it so I guess it doesn't matter anyway.   ",Emotions,Anxiety
1997_918806.txt,"I'm just sitting here thinking while I wait for my clothes to clean. While sitting here I realize how much my life is different in Austin rather than two hundred and eighty miles away in Nederland. For example, I always had someone to do my laundry there and if I did it myself I never had to wait for a washing machine. The thing I miss most about Nederland is not having my friends around. Even though my best friend and my girlfriend are also attending U. T and both are staying in Jester I still miss my other friends a lot. I always thought when I came to Austin it was going to be so much fun, but now I realize there is a lot of work involved. Only a week has gone by since I got here and I already have so much to do. That is another thing I miss about home, the ability to do nothing if I so desire. Here ""doing nothing"" is not an option. I feel that if I do nothing I will fall behind and just be wasting time. I miss the little things about home. Even though my girlfriend lives here I miss being able to go to each others house. Sure we can go to each others dorm rooms but I miss the feeling of home and hanging out with her family and mine. That is another thing I have not mentioned yet, I miss my family. I honestly did not think I would but I do. I guess over time I will grow accustomed to living here and maybe eventually be able to call Austin my home. Well, it's time to put the clothes in the dryer so I guess this is the end. ",Thinking styles: Considerate,"I'm just sitting here thinking while I wait for my clothes to clean. While sitting here I realize how much my life is different in Austin rather than two hundred and eighty miles away in Nederland. For example, I always had someone to do my laundry there and if I did it myself I never had to wait for a washing machine. The thing I miss most about Nederland is not having my friends around. Even though my best friend and my girlfriend are also attending U. T and both are staying in Jester I still miss my other friends a lot. I always thought when I came to Austin it was going to be so much fun, but now I realize there is a lot of work involved. Only a week has gone by since I got here and I already have so much to do. That is another thing I miss about home, the ability to do nothing if I so desire. Here ""doing nothing"" is not an option. I feel that if I do nothing I will fall behind and just be wasting time. I miss the little things about home. Even though my girlfriend lives here I miss being able to go to each others house. Sure we can go to each others dorm rooms but I miss the feeling of home and hanging out with her family and mine. That is another thing I have not mentioned yet, I miss my family. I honestly did not think I would but I do. I guess over time I will grow accustomed to living here and maybe eventually be able to call Austin my home. Well, it's time to put the clothes in the dryer so I guess this is the end. ",Thinking styles,Considerate
1999_742385.txt,"Jeez, I had been typing for like at least fifteen minutes and I hit the damn escape button and everything erased from the scrteen. I hit the undo button and that got everythgnbackbuyt I wanted to make sure that it wass the escxapre button and in hit undo again after hitting ht eescxape button ahd everything leeft and shit thie really suck I am now pretty annnouyed. I had so much written and it was prertry good stuff because I t let me sse how much imy mind wantedre when I thought  for a constant peroiod of time no wmy typhen really susicsks because I am tying to gype as cfast as I can because I wanta tho get ghitthighs thing ovoer with sasa cffasat as I can . what I was talaking about at one pint in the fisrst on ewas how I have tigns keypaboard, or keyboards in genereal brecause I has a wrist rest on the keyboark onand that was annoynt aoso I took it off and I stareted to yepye faster and with abetter accurary buye you oculdn't tell now because I am tyyping so  fast that my saccuarcy has diminincdhsed to the poing youi may thingk I rally su suck iat typoien. it probably looks prtetty bad right now I can't tell because I am ilooking at the kyboark rightnow. I have trouble hitting the t keyp I have to actually think aobut it comparedk to the a key with which I don't' havae to thnk. whoa I just looked at the screen and I feel soty if anyone is ogint o reaad this or attemptot  read thins. that really sucks that this may not even bget read becsause they have at least 5oo peopel in the clasese so they will most assuredly do a random check o fhw how sdid the wirithing. they will peobably do only maybe 20 or sp eopelle tecause they want ot know if they did or irt just hit the submit button right below thi sbig plain srcren. I am listing to peopaer jam music right nao and one of my favcorigte soinbgs is palyong righ tno. I forgot the name ifo the sone, actually it ic call hail hiail. it is a cool song and I thingk t was on their yield cd. I am not fully sure. we have thhos lava lapmp in our dorm aroom and I was messing with it w few time s and I thougyth I scrwed it uip. I turned it upside down ad mnesses it up. w had to turn it off for a few hours and it wasb back to normak and me bieng the guy how likes to mess woith things as the incident I descrived at the beginning or this twinety minute thihng hsows, I shork it to s3ew hat would happen. agfain it screwed up and we had to run it ofof for some time. then it went back to normal but it was on the ground ani accidently knocked it over. then it got sxtereed up again and we rurned it off for a longer peroid of time this time pbecause it was pretty sucrewed up . an dthere wasa a hazy ol==k. like thatrewas a lot of ""lava"" floaiting around moile molecules and itwas wn't inin the big bunch it supposed to be. we left it off overnihght and it went back to noerla. we turned the loight s out last night and forgot to gturn the lava lamp off and it was n't even that brignth. not very bright for a "". amp"". I didnt mind it bieng on but my romate w anted it off. je ,ist b e smsatovbe tp ;ogjt/ ech! that looks like jibberish. my s=f9ngers shifted to the right one and tghat looked pretty bad. that is preyy weird hw if you have yoru hand mis poistioned a few centimetere, you can type still but youlook like a copetel fool and you may mistaken for a retard! notr that I am making fun o  fhtem but that is a simple fact. people arelso eager to ump on you osometimes in theis world. oh well. aginatot his keyboar thingk. it may be better for meif I buy the microsoft natural keyboard which is split in the middle of the keyboark ins is uposed ot be more ergonomically correct. I have microsoft mousn and it fits in the palmiof my hand. wheni went home and used the mouse there it felt really bac. I wonder how much I hav e  yped how. I'll type until the end of this sone, which is now daughter. this is a longer versoin than on the original cd. this is a perarl jam live cd. it is called live on two legs or something like hat. h==I also have this orhter prearl jam cd live xcd. it is a live cd recorded from a conceret in italy. it is pretty cool and I was albe to herar new songs befoere then came out on future. cds. there is a new version of jeremy on it, but I don't' knowi f I likwe it becausei don't remembver it. I really likde hat song some peplse it isn't a song my pearly jam, bu a comver of someone selases osong I thingk with slight differences in the lyrics. ithe lyrics are soo grue becas it is like somepeople don't have mno mind, some people aridiots and stuflike that. reminds me of someoenp in knwo. as you can see if you look at the to of my text here, youwill notice that my speling has gotten better. I have actually slowed down my typing soem because I am not as ticked off as I was when I started typoing. man was I tyicked. so for you psychologists our there who may actuyally read this, my aggravation slowed down because my mind went else where because I got so in tuen wit writign thing assignment. is this evenb an asisghment?   -Shawn ",Emotions: Excitement,"Jeez, I had been typing for like at least fifteen minutes and I hit the damn escape button and everything erased from the scrteen. I hit the undo button and that got everythgnbackbuyt I wanted to make sure that it wass the escxapre button and in hit undo again after hitting ht eescxape button ahd everything leeft and shit thie really suck I am now pretty annnouyed. I had so much written and it was prertry good stuff because I t let me sse how much imy mind wantedre when I thought  for a constant peroiod of time no wmy typhen really susicsks because I am tying to gype as cfast as I can because I wanta tho get ghitthighs thing ovoer with sasa cffasat as I can . what I was talaking about at one pint in the fisrst on ewas how I have tigns keypaboard, or keyboards in genereal brecause I has a wrist rest on the keyboark onand that was annoynt aoso I took it off and I stareted to yepye faster and with abetter accurary buye you oculdn't tell now because I am tyyping so  fast that my saccuarcy has diminincdhsed to the poing youi may thingk I rally su suck iat typoien. it probably looks prtetty bad right now I can't tell because I am ilooking at the kyboark rightnow. I have trouble hitting the t keyp I have to actually think aobut it comparedk to the a key with which I don't' havae to thnk. whoa I just looked at the screen and I feel soty if anyone is ogint o reaad this or attemptot  read thins. that really sucks that this may not even bget read becsause they have at least 5oo peopel in the clasese so they will most assuredly do a random check o fhw how sdid the wirithing. they will peobably do only maybe 20 or sp eopelle tecause they want ot know if they did or irt just hit the submit button right below thi sbig plain srcren. I am listing to peopaer jam music right nao and one of my favcorigte soinbgs is palyong righ tno. I forgot the name ifo the sone, actually it ic call hail hiail. it is a cool song and I thingk t was on their yield cd. I am not fully sure. we have thhos lava lapmp in our dorm aroom and I was messing with it w few time s and I thougyth I scrwed it uip. I turned it upside down ad mnesses it up. w had to turn it off for a few hours and it wasb back to normak and me bieng the guy how likes to mess woith things as the incident I descrived at the beginning or this twinety minute thihng hsows, I shork it to s3ew hat would happen. agfain it screwed up and we had to run it ofof for some time. then it went back to normal but it was on the ground ani accidently knocked it over. then it got sxtereed up again and we rurned it off for a longer peroid of time this time pbecause it was pretty sucrewed up . an dthere wasa a hazy ol==k. like thatrewas a lot of ""lava"" floaiting around moile molecules and itwas wn't inin the big bunch it supposed to be. we left it off overnihght and it went back to noerla. we turned the loight s out last night and forgot to gturn the lava lamp off and it was n't even that brignth. not very bright for a "". amp"". I didnt mind it bieng on but my romate w anted it off. je ,ist b e smsatovbe tp ;ogjt/ ech! that looks like jibberish. my s=f9ngers shifted to the right one and tghat looked pretty bad. that is preyy weird hw if you have yoru hand mis poistioned a few centimetere, you can type still but youlook like a copetel fool and you may mistaken for a retard! notr that I am making fun o  fhtem but that is a simple fact. people arelso eager to ump on you osometimes in theis world. oh well. aginatot his keyboar thingk. it may be better for meif I buy the microsoft natural keyboard which is split in the middle of the keyboark ins is uposed ot be more ergonomically correct. I have microsoft mousn and it fits in the palmiof my hand. wheni went home and used the mouse there it felt really bac. I wonder how much I hav e  yped how. I'll type until the end of this sone, which is now daughter. this is a longer versoin than on the original cd. this is a perarl jam live cd. it is called live on two legs or something like hat. h==I also have this orhter prearl jam cd live xcd. it is a live cd recorded from a conceret in italy. it is pretty cool and I was albe to herar new songs befoere then came out on future. cds. there is a new version of jeremy on it, but I don't' knowi f I likwe it becausei don't remembver it. I really likde hat song some peplse it isn't a song my pearly jam, bu a comver of someone selases osong I thingk with slight differences in the lyrics. ithe lyrics are soo grue becas it is like somepeople don't have mno mind, some people aridiots and stuflike that. reminds me of someoenp in knwo. as you can see if you look at the to of my text here, youwill notice that my speling has gotten better. I have actually slowed down my typing soem because I am not as ticked off as I was when I started typoing. man was I tyicked. so for you psychologists our there who may actuyally read this, my aggravation slowed down because my mind went else where because I got so in tuen wit writign thing assignment. is this evenb an asisghment?   -Shawn ",Emotions,Excitement
1998_538805.txt,"right now I feel like I'm kind of pressured to do this thing right because it's my first assignment for the class and I don't want to mess up. I hate that feeling where you think your doing something right but when you turn in the assignment in to the teacher they say that you did the assignment wrong. especially when you ask the teacher how long an assignment/paper suppose to be and they say they don't care but when you turn it in they tell you it's too short . well anyway I guess I'm getting off topic . I tend to do that a lot sometimes . Right now I'm feeling a bit hungry cause I only ate a small bit of food for breakfast (at 1:00pm that is ). Yes I feel very well rested too cause I slept till noon. speaking of food it reminds of this lady who works in the cafeteria at the place I'm staying at. I don't like her very much because she said something about me in front of my face to another worker in Spanish. she assumed that I didn't understand what I said but let me tell you---I didn't take five years of Spanish and not learn to understand the language. also I didn't work with Hispanic people and not learn how to pick up a few words here and there. so what really pissed me off was not what she said (which really wasn't that offensive at all) but the fact that she would say it in a language she thought I wouldn't understand and more importantly she did it while I was still there. oh here I go about things in the past. I know I should just learn to let little things like that go but I can harbor a lot of my emotions for a long time, but they do eventually go away. besides I'm glad that I can know whether or not what I feel is justifiable. never mind forget what I just said it doesn't make any sense. it's hard to explain. you know I wish I could type as fast as I think cause by the time I finish this sentence I've already thought up of something else. I think my mind thinks too fast I feel old. I've noticed that recently I've begun forgetting a lot of stuff. not important stuff but miniscule little information that I would normally remember . usually I could remember a lot of pointless things but now it takes a little while for me to. wow I wish I could write papers like this because the time just flies by. you know what I don't think I stuck with the topic. I mean it is kind of vague . I mean chances are if someone is sitting in front of a computer and you ask them to write about their feelings at that instant they're probably going to be a little apathetic at that moment unless your referring to what they've been feeling like through the date because if that is the case I guess I can elaborate. so far I've been kind of tense , worried that this assignment might be too boring to take the time to write I mean it is twenty minutes but I guess twenty minutes is too much. Also I was worried that the computer lab might be too full but it wasn't and then I was worried that I might be able to connect to the site because I was afraid that the site might be down (I've heard horror stories about it). I guess I worry too much but I consider more of an asset to my life more than a hindrance because the fear makes think of all the things that can go wrong so I plan ahead of time and think of the alternatives. I wish I could say the same of my little sister but it seems like he never thinks ahead and about the consequences of her actions oh well times about up now my only fear is that the submit button will work properly. ",Social Awareness: Sensitivity,"right now I feel like I'm kind of pressured to do this thing right because it's my first assignment for the class and I don't want to mess up. I hate that feeling where you think your doing something right but when you turn in the assignment in to the teacher they say that you did the assignment wrong. especially when you ask the teacher how long an assignment/paper suppose to be and they say they don't care but when you turn it in they tell you it's too short . well anyway I guess I'm getting off topic . I tend to do that a lot sometimes . Right now I'm feeling a bit hungry cause I only ate a small bit of food for breakfast (at 1:00pm that is ). Yes I feel very well rested too cause I slept till noon. speaking of food it reminds of this lady who works in the cafeteria at the place I'm staying at. I don't like her very much because she said something about me in front of my face to another worker in Spanish. she assumed that I didn't understand what I said but let me tell you---I didn't take five years of Spanish and not learn to understand the language. also I didn't work with Hispanic people and not learn how to pick up a few words here and there. so what really pissed me off was not what she said (which really wasn't that offensive at all) but the fact that she would say it in a language she thought I wouldn't understand and more importantly she did it while I was still there. oh here I go about things in the past. I know I should just learn to let little things like that go but I can harbor a lot of my emotions for a long time, but they do eventually go away. besides I'm glad that I can know whether or not what I feel is justifiable. never mind forget what I just said it doesn't make any sense. it's hard to explain. you know I wish I could type as fast as I think cause by the time I finish this sentence I've already thought up of something else. I think my mind thinks too fast I feel old. I've noticed that recently I've begun forgetting a lot of stuff. not important stuff but miniscule little information that I would normally remember . usually I could remember a lot of pointless things but now it takes a little while for me to. wow I wish I could write papers like this because the time just flies by. you know what I don't think I stuck with the topic. I mean it is kind of vague . I mean chances are if someone is sitting in front of a computer and you ask them to write about their feelings at that instant they're probably going to be a little apathetic at that moment unless your referring to what they've been feeling like through the date because if that is the case I guess I can elaborate. so far I've been kind of tense , worried that this assignment might be too boring to take the time to write I mean it is twenty minutes but I guess twenty minutes is too much. Also I was worried that the computer lab might be too full but it wasn't and then I was worried that I might be able to connect to the site because I was afraid that the site might be down (I've heard horror stories about it). I guess I worry too much but I consider more of an asset to my life more than a hindrance because the fear makes think of all the things that can go wrong so I plan ahead of time and think of the alternatives. I wish I could say the same of my little sister but it seems like he never thinks ahead and about the consequences of her actions oh well times about up now my only fear is that the submit button will work properly. ",Social Awareness,Sensitivity
2000_597791.txt,"The first thought that enters into my mind is my parents, whom I have been thinking about since I left Houston for college. It's so different here, but not necessarily bad. I have always been under the protection of my parents. But here, I don't have anyone telling me when to get up and when to go to bed, and what to do. I literally make all my choices, which I have to admit, I don't always make the best decisions. I don't study when I know I should. Sometimes having a boyfriend means spending less time doing the things that I know I should, and doing things like going out and having fun. I feel like I should be studying instead of procrastinating until the last minute. But back to my parents, I feel that the college experience is just as tough for them as for me, because I am the last kid to leave home. My mom has been crying constantly and I know that she is lonely because she doesn't have me bumming around the house and eating her food. Sometimes I even feel sad because I now realize all the things my parents have done for me. Even though I thought they were always against me. When I think about the things they have sacrificed for me, I get teary. Especially when I think about the car that my dad just bought me a day before I left for Austin. I got an Acura Integra, nothing I had ever expected. I was so ecstatic and I had never gotten such a great present in my whole life. I know that my Dad had to sacrifice by paying more money for it than I had expected. And now I'm trying not to abuse any things they had given to me and before that I had taken for granted. I really miss my parents and sometimes I have trouble dealing with it. It's tremendously difficult to do things all on my own. My values are seriously getting tested because I don't have them to give me advice anymore. All I keep thinking is how much I love them and how I can possibly show my gratitude for them. College is a tough thing. Even though I went to an enormous high school, it can't compare to college. My classes are huge, and sometimes very monotonous and boring. Surprisingly, the class I had thought was going to be tough and boring, became one of my favorites, economy. Mainly because my professor, Hamermesh, is a great teacher. He is lively and so humorous. The other classes, I really don't care for much. One thing I do hate about college life is the roommates. I live off campus on Enfield, in a really nice apartment/condo. My dad bought it with the intention that I have a nice place to live. It is two stories, and I have been trying to decorate it the best that I can. But the problem is that I have to have roommates. One is this white girl, Karmin, who I never met. My dad posted a bulletin in a church up here in Austin, looking for a roommate and she applied. The other is a Chinese girl, Laura, I have known since I was a child. I share a room with Laura, so Karmin has her own room, and she pays a little more. However, I still end up paying more because it's not fair to split a 1200 rent 3 ways. So Karmin pays 350 for her own room, which I consider a good deal. Laura is really messy, which bothers the heck out of me. But lately, I have been dealing with it pretty well. Karmin is the most annoying and a constant pain on my mind. She is older and she thinks that she is the ruler over the household. But she is messy, especially in public areas and I am the one who has to clean up after her. And the thing that bothers me the most is that she is very stingy. She has a big tv in her own room, and vcr and then on the other hand, comes and watches tv that Laura and I own. So we are not allowed to use it. I borrowed her vcr the other day, and she asked me, ""When are you going to buy your own vcr?"" Still, she isn't willing to share but doesn't mind using our things. Same with the food. I really feel the need to tell her off, because she sure is getting a good deal living over here, and she can't have the right to treat this place as her own, she needs to respect us. Not only that, she hammered nails all up in her room, knowing that she is only living her for a year and it's not fair to the other person who lives in that room next. That's my biggest problem and whenever I talk about it, I feel really agitated and stressed. Well, all I feel now is relief though, because my 20 minutes are up!  ",Emotions: Guilt,"The first thought that enters into my mind is my parents, whom I have been thinking about since I left Houston for college. It's so different here, but not necessarily bad. I have always been under the protection of my parents. But here, I don't have anyone telling me when to get up and when to go to bed, and what to do. I literally make all my choices, which I have to admit, I don't always make the best decisions. I don't study when I know I should. Sometimes having a boyfriend means spending less time doing the things that I know I should, and doing things like going out and having fun. I feel like I should be studying instead of procrastinating until the last minute. But back to my parents, I feel that the college experience is just as tough for them as for me, because I am the last kid to leave home. My mom has been crying constantly and I know that she is lonely because she doesn't have me bumming around the house and eating her food. Sometimes I even feel sad because I now realize all the things my parents have done for me. Even though I thought they were always against me. When I think about the things they have sacrificed for me, I get teary. Especially when I think about the car that my dad just bought me a day before I left for Austin. I got an Acura Integra, nothing I had ever expected. I was so ecstatic and I had never gotten such a great present in my whole life. I know that my Dad had to sacrifice by paying more money for it than I had expected. And now I'm trying not to abuse any things they had given to me and before that I had taken for granted. I really miss my parents and sometimes I have trouble dealing with it. It's tremendously difficult to do things all on my own. My values are seriously getting tested because I don't have them to give me advice anymore. All I keep thinking is how much I love them and how I can possibly show my gratitude for them. College is a tough thing. Even though I went to an enormous high school, it can't compare to college. My classes are huge, and sometimes very monotonous and boring. Surprisingly, the class I had thought was going to be tough and boring, became one of my favorites, economy. Mainly because my professor, Hamermesh, is a great teacher. He is lively and so humorous. The other classes, I really don't care for much. One thing I do hate about college life is the roommates. I live off campus on Enfield, in a really nice apartment/condo. My dad bought it with the intention that I have a nice place to live. It is two stories, and I have been trying to decorate it the best that I can. But the problem is that I have to have roommates. One is this white girl, Karmin, who I never met. My dad posted a bulletin in a church up here in Austin, looking for a roommate and she applied. The other is a Chinese girl, Laura, I have known since I was a child. I share a room with Laura, so Karmin has her own room, and she pays a little more. However, I still end up paying more because it's not fair to split a 1200 rent 3 ways. So Karmin pays 350 for her own room, which I consider a good deal. Laura is really messy, which bothers the heck out of me. But lately, I have been dealing with it pretty well. Karmin is the most annoying and a constant pain on my mind. She is older and she thinks that she is the ruler over the household. But she is messy, especially in public areas and I am the one who has to clean up after her. And the thing that bothers me the most is that she is very stingy. She has a big tv in her own room, and vcr and then on the other hand, comes and watches tv that Laura and I own. So we are not allowed to use it. I borrowed her vcr the other day, and she asked me, ""When are you going to buy your own vcr?"" Still, she isn't willing to share but doesn't mind using our things. Same with the food. I really feel the need to tell her off, because she sure is getting a good deal living over here, and she can't have the right to treat this place as her own, she needs to respect us. Not only that, she hammered nails all up in her room, knowing that she is only living her for a year and it's not fair to the other person who lives in that room next. That's my biggest problem and whenever I talk about it, I feel really agitated and stressed. Well, all I feel now is relief though, because my 20 minutes are up!  ",Emotions,Guilt
2000_036354.txt,"I have been asked to do this psychology assignment of writing down my train of thoughts and feelings for twenty minutes with out stopping. So far that was my first train of thought  I know it's a boring intro sentence, but yet I'm not allowed to stop and think of how to write more eloquently. I guess that leads me to my next thought  school. This is my first semester at college and there is so much going on. When you asked to write down our stress factor on a scale of 17, I believe I might have marked an 8. There are so many things that are going on, and I want to be able to organize everything in time slots. The only thing is that they keep giving me stuff to do. I suppose you would define ""they"" as professors with homework and S. I meetings, which I really want to attend. Then I had my first sorority meeting last night, and they have so much in store for us this semester. I suppose I should tell you that I love going home  not to see my family (will, sort of that too  you got to love mom and dad!), but I have boyfriend back at Houston. I was planning on going home all these weekends, but it turns out that I have something I have to do that is mandatory on almost every weekend. This boyfriend of mine is totally worth the trouble and stress of going home. I have had the most amazing summer with him just hanging out and doing fun activities. He makes me feel ten times happier when I'm around him and it's just really hard not having him here to help me adjust into this new life style. I do however, talk to him everyday and write him letters. The first week I arrived in Austin, I can honestly say that it sucked because rush drained a lot out of me and then we had to start school with no breaks from rush week. I thought I would be able to adjust better in this big place, because I consider myself an easy going friendly person. There is just so much that is consuming my life right now that I hardly have time to stop and think about what I need to do. I love exercising and used to do it everyday, and now I haven't had time to do any of that this past week because of school. I just hate this time in my life right now when everything is so jumbled up in my brain. I can't wait for the day when I have everything organized and I don't feel too constrained to one aspect of my life. I also hate this time because you don't really know anybody. True, I've met people and they are all really nice, but I haven't gotten to that stage when you can say anything to them and not look stupid. I am really glad that I did join the sorority just so I can meet people, but there are 60 people that I can meet and that's just too much for me to build strong friendships all at once. I do have some friends from back home, but I hardly have time to visit with them because I'm so consumed with everything else. I just need to sit down and relax. I did go home for Labor Day to visit my boyfriend, and that was exactly what I needed  just to hang out with someone who knows you so well. We did basically nothing and it was great not having to worry about anything. That weekend I think was somewhat a turning point in my attitude of college. It just made me realize that it is harder than I thought (adjusting wise) but everything turns out okay in the end. Plus I was happy to know that I do have somebody who loves me just as much as I love him; and that when I'm missing him, he's thinking about me too. I guess it just made me feel not so lost in college knowing that I have a great person back home supporting me every step of the way. Okay, twenty minutes are up. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I have been asked to do this psychology assignment of writing down my train of thoughts and feelings for twenty minutes with out stopping. So far that was my first train of thought  I know it's a boring intro sentence, but yet I'm not allowed to stop and think of how to write more eloquently. I guess that leads me to my next thought  school. This is my first semester at college and there is so much going on. When you asked to write down our stress factor on a scale of 17, I believe I might have marked an 8. There are so many things that are going on, and I want to be able to organize everything in time slots. The only thing is that they keep giving me stuff to do. I suppose you would define ""they"" as professors with homework and S. I meetings, which I really want to attend. Then I had my first sorority meeting last night, and they have so much in store for us this semester. I suppose I should tell you that I love going home  not to see my family (will, sort of that too  you got to love mom and dad!), but I have boyfriend back at Houston. I was planning on going home all these weekends, but it turns out that I have something I have to do that is mandatory on almost every weekend. This boyfriend of mine is totally worth the trouble and stress of going home. I have had the most amazing summer with him just hanging out and doing fun activities. He makes me feel ten times happier when I'm around him and it's just really hard not having him here to help me adjust into this new life style. I do however, talk to him everyday and write him letters. The first week I arrived in Austin, I can honestly say that it sucked because rush drained a lot out of me and then we had to start school with no breaks from rush week. I thought I would be able to adjust better in this big place, because I consider myself an easy going friendly person. There is just so much that is consuming my life right now that I hardly have time to stop and think about what I need to do. I love exercising and used to do it everyday, and now I haven't had time to do any of that this past week because of school. I just hate this time in my life right now when everything is so jumbled up in my brain. I can't wait for the day when I have everything organized and I don't feel too constrained to one aspect of my life. I also hate this time because you don't really know anybody. True, I've met people and they are all really nice, but I haven't gotten to that stage when you can say anything to them and not look stupid. I am really glad that I did join the sorority just so I can meet people, but there are 60 people that I can meet and that's just too much for me to build strong friendships all at once. I do have some friends from back home, but I hardly have time to visit with them because I'm so consumed with everything else. I just need to sit down and relax. I did go home for Labor Day to visit my boyfriend, and that was exactly what I needed  just to hang out with someone who knows you so well. We did basically nothing and it was great not having to worry about anything. That weekend I think was somewhat a turning point in my attitude of college. It just made me realize that it is harder than I thought (adjusting wise) but everything turns out okay in the end. Plus I was happy to know that I do have somebody who loves me just as much as I love him; and that when I'm missing him, he's thinking about me too. I guess it just made me feel not so lost in college knowing that I have a great person back home supporting me every step of the way. Okay, twenty minutes are up. ",Emotions,Anxiety
2000_518815.txt,"3:34 twenty minutes to write what I am thinking Well, I am writing this at a time when I should be in class, but at least I am doing my homework. Between reading the book and doing the writing assignments, I think I have this class covered. I must admit I hate missing class because there are so many hotties in the class. When ever I get bored listening to the discussion that is merely a repetition of info in the book, I can stare around at the hundreds of fine chicks in the class. Don't get me wrong the class is interesting, but that's my thought. The guy that is sitting next to me smells bad. I know him, and has just said hello, The only reason I know him is because he is in many of my music classes, and his girlfriend is Hot. Holy shit, she just came in here to talk to him. This is really fucked up. I am trying to evesdrop as I write this. He is telling her what to do. oh wait they are noticing me, she left. Why does she date hIM? He's so nasty. I'm hungry, I ate not to long ago, maybe I want a cigarette. Busy busy busy, have a trombone lesson at five, still have to get my instrument from the instrument NAZI. He was on the sick out we all hate him. Some dude I don't know came up to the guy next to me and pretended to be him girlfriend by rubbing his shoulders, It was funny, I am really starting to get tired of this, but hey anything for a good grade. I am thinking to much abbot what to write. what to think. I am hungry, I wonder what happened in class today I'll just read the next chapter of the book, I like the book it is interesting. Lots of people in the lab today, feel kind of weird writing, can't wait tell Friday, actually every day is good when I am not in class and don't have anything to do. The dude next to me started talking to me, I hate him, I don't even know what he said. Hey 3:54 see you bye ",Emotions: Lack of Anxiety,"3:34 twenty minutes to write what I am thinking Well, I am writing this at a time when I should be in class, but at least I am doing my homework. Between reading the book and doing the writing assignments, I think I have this class covered. I must admit I hate missing class because there are so many hotties in the class. When ever I get bored listening to the discussion that is merely a repetition of info in the book, I can stare around at the hundreds of fine chicks in the class. Don't get me wrong the class is interesting, but that's my thought. The guy that is sitting next to me smells bad. I know him, and has just said hello, The only reason I know him is because he is in many of my music classes, and his girlfriend is Hot. Holy shit, she just came in here to talk to him. This is really fucked up. I am trying to evesdrop as I write this. He is telling her what to do. oh wait they are noticing me, she left. Why does she date hIM? He's so nasty. I'm hungry, I ate not to long ago, maybe I want a cigarette. Busy busy busy, have a trombone lesson at five, still have to get my instrument from the instrument NAZI. He was on the sick out we all hate him. Some dude I don't know came up to the guy next to me and pretended to be him girlfriend by rubbing his shoulders, It was funny, I am really starting to get tired of this, but hey anything for a good grade. I am thinking to much abbot what to write. what to think. I am hungry, I wonder what happened in class today I'll just read the next chapter of the book, I like the book it is interesting. Lots of people in the lab today, feel kind of weird writing, can't wait tell Friday, actually every day is good when I am not in class and don't have anything to do. The dude next to me started talking to me, I hate him, I don't even know what he said. Hey 3:54 see you bye ",Emotions,Lack of Anxiety
2004_142.txt,"Wow, I have some pizza stuck in my tooth. Aw, why did that song have to end, it was good. the AC is really loud. Man, I like shrek 2. tonight, I'm breaking the habit tonight, I like Kelly Clarkson, she's so talented. man, I'm so bad at spelling. I haven't heard this, oh, yeah, it's by clay aiken, or maybe it isn't. Oh well. Ozarka Natural Spring. It was probably from Fort Worth, I'm from Denton about thirty miles north of Dallas. I saw Jenny a couple days ago. She's got curly hair. Movie Night, um I don't know. I'm supposed to by typing what I am thinking. I'm talking with Victoria my roommate. She is wearing a hat. I have a hat just like it. It's in my closet on top on a shelf. Victoria is leaving now. I shall say bye to her. Ok, now that that is over. I am going out to lunch with this girl from Christians on Campus. Sounds like it would be fun. Her name is Joselyn and she just graduated, I think from this college in Boston but she is here for just the semester. Only 4 minutes have gone by. Wow, this is taking forever. I have chemistry oops, mistake. I don't like commercials on the radio, why couldn't they just play music commercial free. My folder is blue. I finished all my psychology reading (all of chapter three). I learned way too much info on the nervous system. It is going to take forever to study for the test. I'm glad there is a lot of info in the chapter though, because I'm going to med school and will need that info. I keep making typos probably because I'm typing too fast. Oh, I have ice-cream in the freezer. Mmmm. It is a blue bell ice cream sandwich. I like Wendy's. Ah, yay, another commercial free hour of music. YAY. I like Avril Lavigne. My Happy Ending is a good song. Everyone criticizes her for not being ""punk enough. ""  I laugh at how much time people spend criticizing artists. They should just appreciate the music. I think by saying that I was being a hypocrite because I was criticizing the people who criticize. Does admitting that you are a hypocrite make you a hypocrite. Deep, huh?  I'm wearing contacts. I like my sunglasses. They are on top of my head because it is pointless to wear contacts indoors. Wow, I am only have way done. Hey, maybe that means I'm optimistic. I am such a bad speller. I spend way to much time thinking about school. I'm such a nerd. Everyone else goes out and parties and I stay in the dorm and study for hours and hours. But I do tend to watch a lot of TV, wait, I haven't been watching much TV during this past week at UT. Only about 1 hour per day. I'm so proud of myself. I can't believe that I haven't procrastinated this assignment. I don't like this trend of girls wearing too short skirts. I guess I'm just too conservative and wear long jeans or caprice. I bought new caprice. My mom just washed them. I went to the B. E. S. T. thing sponsored by the business school. It was so much fun. We went to the lake. Hello, Jenny wrote me a note. My printer is off. I can't think of anything else to write about. I was valedictorian, I was nervous when I said my speech. YAY for 5. 0 GPA. For having such a high GPA, you would think that I wouldn't be so scatterbrained. I think it is just because it will take me a little while to get used to the whole college experience thing. I have to sign up to do that psychology experiment. I want to do the prescreening. Victoria says that it takes two hours. I want to get it over with and not procrastinate. I have that awful habit and am trying to get rid of it. I like this song, and that song, well, maybe not. I want to go so sleep. I went to sleep early last night 9:30. Oh, this is that singer Chad Kroger (I am such a bad speller). I liked Spiderman 2. I have always been a fan of stuff like that: Spiderman, Batman, Superman, etc. I like Smallville on the WB. It is a good show. What else. I can't think of anything else. Ok, I have about 3 and a half minutes left. What else should I do. I have chemistry in an hour but I should leave in 1/2 an hour because I want to get a good seat in class. I'm so blind, even with my contacts. I don't want to sit in the very front row because then I will strain my neck having to look straight up at the Professor. I have Professor Laude. He is very funny. I went to a discussion session at 11. Wait, it was at 10 and ended at 11AM. I think is was fairly productive. I'm a business major. Did I mention that. I'm also pre-med. I want to be an pediatric ophthalmologist. That is just a fancy term for a kid eye doctor. It will be able to be cool to say that though. My mom was a doctor. My dad has a PhD, so he is in a sense a doctor. He is asst. Dean of the Business School at UNT. I like this song. It is by Maroon 5. Nigel, my older brother, he is 23, I think, likes this song. He has this CD and will never let me borrow it. He called me last night and was  ",Emotions: Anxiety,"Wow, I have some pizza stuck in my tooth. Aw, why did that song have to end, it was good. the AC is really loud. Man, I like shrek 2. tonight, I'm breaking the habit tonight, I like Kelly Clarkson, she's so talented. man, I'm so bad at spelling. I haven't heard this, oh, yeah, it's by clay aiken, or maybe it isn't. Oh well. Ozarka Natural Spring. It was probably from Fort Worth, I'm from Denton about thirty miles north of Dallas. I saw Jenny a couple days ago. She's got curly hair. Movie Night, um I don't know. I'm supposed to by typing what I am thinking. I'm talking with Victoria my roommate. She is wearing a hat. I have a hat just like it. It's in my closet on top on a shelf. Victoria is leaving now. I shall say bye to her. Ok, now that that is over. I am going out to lunch with this girl from Christians on Campus. Sounds like it would be fun. Her name is Joselyn and she just graduated, I think from this college in Boston but she is here for just the semester. Only 4 minutes have gone by. Wow, this is taking forever. I have chemistry oops, mistake. I don't like commercials on the radio, why couldn't they just play music commercial free. My folder is blue. I finished all my psychology reading (all of chapter three). I learned way too much info on the nervous system. It is going to take forever to study for the test. I'm glad there is a lot of info in the chapter though, because I'm going to med school and will need that info. I keep making typos probably because I'm typing too fast. Oh, I have ice-cream in the freezer. Mmmm. It is a blue bell ice cream sandwich. I like Wendy's. Ah, yay, another commercial free hour of music. YAY. I like Avril Lavigne. My Happy Ending is a good song. Everyone criticizes her for not being ""punk enough. ""  I laugh at how much time people spend criticizing artists. They should just appreciate the music. I think by saying that I was being a hypocrite because I was criticizing the people who criticize. Does admitting that you are a hypocrite make you a hypocrite. Deep, huh?  I'm wearing contacts. I like my sunglasses. They are on top of my head because it is pointless to wear contacts indoors. Wow, I am only have way done. Hey, maybe that means I'm optimistic. I am such a bad speller. I spend way to much time thinking about school. I'm such a nerd. Everyone else goes out and parties and I stay in the dorm and study for hours and hours. But I do tend to watch a lot of TV, wait, I haven't been watching much TV during this past week at UT. Only about 1 hour per day. I'm so proud of myself. I can't believe that I haven't procrastinated this assignment. I don't like this trend of girls wearing too short skirts. I guess I'm just too conservative and wear long jeans or caprice. I bought new caprice. My mom just washed them. I went to the B. E. S. T. thing sponsored by the business school. It was so much fun. We went to the lake. Hello, Jenny wrote me a note. My printer is off. I can't think of anything else to write about. I was valedictorian, I was nervous when I said my speech. YAY for 5. 0 GPA. For having such a high GPA, you would think that I wouldn't be so scatterbrained. I think it is just because it will take me a little while to get used to the whole college experience thing. I have to sign up to do that psychology experiment. I want to do the prescreening. Victoria says that it takes two hours. I want to get it over with and not procrastinate. I have that awful habit and am trying to get rid of it. I like this song, and that song, well, maybe not. I want to go so sleep. I went to sleep early last night 9:30. Oh, this is that singer Chad Kroger (I am such a bad speller). I liked Spiderman 2. I have always been a fan of stuff like that: Spiderman, Batman, Superman, etc. I like Smallville on the WB. It is a good show. What else. I can't think of anything else. Ok, I have about 3 and a half minutes left. What else should I do. I have chemistry in an hour but I should leave in 1/2 an hour because I want to get a good seat in class. I'm so blind, even with my contacts. I don't want to sit in the very front row because then I will strain my neck having to look straight up at the Professor. I have Professor Laude. He is very funny. I went to a discussion session at 11. Wait, it was at 10 and ended at 11AM. I think is was fairly productive. I'm a business major. Did I mention that. I'm also pre-med. I want to be an pediatric ophthalmologist. That is just a fancy term for a kid eye doctor. It will be able to be cool to say that though. My mom was a doctor. My dad has a PhD, so he is in a sense a doctor. He is asst. Dean of the Business School at UNT. I like this song. It is by Maroon 5. Nigel, my older brother, he is 23, I think, likes this song. He has this CD and will never let me borrow it. He called me last night and was  ",Emotions,Anxiety
2000_551702.txt,"When I first thought about the stream of consciousness writing assignment, I figured my natural stream of consciousness would deliver my views on life and the issues that apply to the everyday. However, all I've been able to think about in the past twenty minutes is a girl. Her name is Kaylee. We became close towards the end of the summer before I came back to Austin. She lives in Dallas so its hard to get to see her very often. One date was all it took. I mean I've known the girl for years, but it became different after this one night. Kind of going from childhood friends to, I don't know, maybe something romantic. If I had known anything was there, I would've stomped on this opportunity a long time ago kind of like if I had known that there were 5 very essential vitamins in California Style Sunny Delight, I would've drunk that my whole life instead of orange juice. When did they come out with Sunny Delight anyways? I don't think it's been around for my entire life but probably pretty close. Possibly when I was five or six years old. At any rate, I always think to myself  could this girl be the one? She's beautiful to start with, and besides that, she's just amazing. I can't spend enough time with that girl. Just going to the playground and swinging with her makes me happy. I got a call from her the other day saying she was going to come see me next weekend. This could possibly be why I haven't been able to get her out of my mind. I really can't wait to see her. Possibly more excited than going to Chile next summer. I'm just packing up my bags and heading down there to see if I can land a job at a local ski resort. I've always wanted to ski bum for a season, so I figured this would be a good chance. And being that the summer in our hemisphere is winter in their hemisphere, it works out  having all summer off. I was actually stressing about this all day being that it has to be in by 5 o clock. I'm leaving for College Station sometime today and I have got so much to do. A police officer gave me a speeding ticket two nights ago on Riverside. Now I have to take defensive driving and get my car inspected to get out of this ticket. And this, piled onto everything else that is going on. I'd say my stress level has recently risen to a 7! Nonetheless, I'm getting out of town this weekend and probably the next too. The swells are getting up to 6 feet on the Texas gulf coast this weekend which is unheard of around here, so I want to get out and catch some waves before they recede. Surfing just makes me relax  puts me in a zone where there are no worries. Soccer doesn't do that for me. I played all my life and it was very fun but also came with a lot of pressure. There were many reasons I guess, but I just played to play, not to win a state championship or anything. Well I guess my twenty minutes are up, time to take a shower! ",Emotions: Anxiety,"When I first thought about the stream of consciousness writing assignment, I figured my natural stream of consciousness would deliver my views on life and the issues that apply to the everyday. However, all I've been able to think about in the past twenty minutes is a girl. Her name is Kaylee. We became close towards the end of the summer before I came back to Austin. She lives in Dallas so its hard to get to see her very often. One date was all it took. I mean I've known the girl for years, but it became different after this one night. Kind of going from childhood friends to, I don't know, maybe something romantic. If I had known anything was there, I would've stomped on this opportunity a long time ago kind of like if I had known that there were 5 very essential vitamins in California Style Sunny Delight, I would've drunk that my whole life instead of orange juice. When did they come out with Sunny Delight anyways? I don't think it's been around for my entire life but probably pretty close. Possibly when I was five or six years old. At any rate, I always think to myself  could this girl be the one? She's beautiful to start with, and besides that, she's just amazing. I can't spend enough time with that girl. Just going to the playground and swinging with her makes me happy. I got a call from her the other day saying she was going to come see me next weekend. This could possibly be why I haven't been able to get her out of my mind. I really can't wait to see her. Possibly more excited than going to Chile next summer. I'm just packing up my bags and heading down there to see if I can land a job at a local ski resort. I've always wanted to ski bum for a season, so I figured this would be a good chance. And being that the summer in our hemisphere is winter in their hemisphere, it works out  having all summer off. I was actually stressing about this all day being that it has to be in by 5 o clock. I'm leaving for College Station sometime today and I have got so much to do. A police officer gave me a speeding ticket two nights ago on Riverside. Now I have to take defensive driving and get my car inspected to get out of this ticket. And this, piled onto everything else that is going on. I'd say my stress level has recently risen to a 7! Nonetheless, I'm getting out of town this weekend and probably the next too. The swells are getting up to 6 feet on the Texas gulf coast this weekend which is unheard of around here, so I want to get out and catch some waves before they recede. Surfing just makes me relax  puts me in a zone where there are no worries. Soccer doesn't do that for me. I played all my life and it was very fun but also came with a lot of pressure. There were many reasons I guess, but I just played to play, not to win a state championship or anything. Well I guess my twenty minutes are up, time to take a shower! ",Emotions,Anxiety
2000_535579.txt,"why am I being forced to submit my consciousness to the ut psychology department? the entire situation is abhorrent. it is wrong that there is no reward for completing this assignment it is not part of the grade, it is only taken away from the grade if one does not do it. the current state of the field called psychology frightens and disgusts me of course, if my writing assignment is one the few that actually gets selected or enough words pop up on the screening, then this will probably unfavorably affect my standing. insulting one's life work is no good, but this is how I feel and know it to be. because I have a dangerous weapon called reason and psychologists can try to convince me that I am mistaken, but I do not doubt myself. the problem with natural selection is that has been warped, mutated almost like a cell becomes cancerous if it is tinkered with enough. we have tinkered with natural selection, tried to control it, and now it is selecting out the strong and protecting the weak. this I know. what to do about it? I don't. these negative things come to mind whenever I am faced with dealing with this psychology class and its insidiousness. it is a perfect example of hundreds of kids who should not be in college, do not want to be in college for the sake of learning  having all of these dangerous misconceptions being dumped into their limp, willing brains. I have noticed how even a gap of two years can make all the difference. maybe it's not even a timerelation thing. again, it is that weak and deathloving portion of society that is being protected from this new, malignant form of ""natural"" selection. if this sounds disturbing, well it is. I don't appreciated being forced to submit and I emphasize that word, my consciousness to be at the disposal of the ut psychology department. this has nothing to do with my benefit. I could and do this often on my own time. but I am submitting this to them under the threat of punishment, and for what? I don't exactly know, and that makes it worse. I have few things of value in this world, but I do have my mind and my intellectual property. I do not appreciate being forced against my will to give it up to any random person who obtains a PhD. but that should further go to exemplify the way this newly dominant breed works. does this sound radical? very well, it sounds radical. it is radical. just as a ""serious"" presidential candidate playing with subliminal messages in advertising is radical and frightening, so is this. and the ridiculous thing about all that is bush jr or the experts he has hired to think for him are trying to subliminally affect a group of people that don't even have the power to elect him. a more productive way to sleaze into the white house would be to simply bribe the electoral college. how did we come to this state of affairs? by people refusing to think, I suppose. not being willing to think because of the discomfort involved. these are the people who should be selected out, yet are not. how did this come to be? I don't know. maybe television is performing some sort of mind control we don't even know about, as conspiracy theorist as that sounds. track my thoughts and feelings as they occur. what if I don't think in language? what if I think in images, sounds, smells, etc? how are you to know how I think? stream of consciousness is not writing. it is babbling onward and forward as a three year old would do. if animals could talk or write, stream of consciousness is what they would do. thank god, my time is almost up. I suppose I should say that I've never met a psych major that I liked or respected, since that is what just popped into my head. in submitting this, I suppose I am allowing whoever is analyzing this to do whatever they please, plagiarize, or otherwise. it is no longer my property, I have been forced to give up a part of my mind. so it can be categorized and used as someone's research and study. I will fit into the category of bitter, paranoid lesbian female from small town outside of texas, nonfreshman, English major. I have seen my life summed up by such words before, also by such people as yourselves. I suppose I should save this as the computer and website seems to be messing up right now. no way in hell I want to do this all over again. oh look  time is up. I guess you won't be privy to my thoughts any longer. ",Emotions: Disgust,"why am I being forced to submit my consciousness to the ut psychology department? the entire situation is abhorrent. it is wrong that there is no reward for completing this assignment it is not part of the grade, it is only taken away from the grade if one does not do it. the current state of the field called psychology frightens and disgusts me of course, if my writing assignment is one the few that actually gets selected or enough words pop up on the screening, then this will probably unfavorably affect my standing. insulting one's life work is no good, but this is how I feel and know it to be. because I have a dangerous weapon called reason and psychologists can try to convince me that I am mistaken, but I do not doubt myself. the problem with natural selection is that has been warped, mutated almost like a cell becomes cancerous if it is tinkered with enough. we have tinkered with natural selection, tried to control it, and now it is selecting out the strong and protecting the weak. this I know. what to do about it? I don't. these negative things come to mind whenever I am faced with dealing with this psychology class and its insidiousness. it is a perfect example of hundreds of kids who should not be in college, do not want to be in college for the sake of learning  having all of these dangerous misconceptions being dumped into their limp, willing brains. I have noticed how even a gap of two years can make all the difference. maybe it's not even a timerelation thing. again, it is that weak and deathloving portion of society that is being protected from this new, malignant form of ""natural"" selection. if this sounds disturbing, well it is. I don't appreciated being forced to submit and I emphasize that word, my consciousness to be at the disposal of the ut psychology department. this has nothing to do with my benefit. I could and do this often on my own time. but I am submitting this to them under the threat of punishment, and for what? I don't exactly know, and that makes it worse. I have few things of value in this world, but I do have my mind and my intellectual property. I do not appreciate being forced against my will to give it up to any random person who obtains a PhD. but that should further go to exemplify the way this newly dominant breed works. does this sound radical? very well, it sounds radical. it is radical. just as a ""serious"" presidential candidate playing with subliminal messages in advertising is radical and frightening, so is this. and the ridiculous thing about all that is bush jr or the experts he has hired to think for him are trying to subliminally affect a group of people that don't even have the power to elect him. a more productive way to sleaze into the white house would be to simply bribe the electoral college. how did we come to this state of affairs? by people refusing to think, I suppose. not being willing to think because of the discomfort involved. these are the people who should be selected out, yet are not. how did this come to be? I don't know. maybe television is performing some sort of mind control we don't even know about, as conspiracy theorist as that sounds. track my thoughts and feelings as they occur. what if I don't think in language? what if I think in images, sounds, smells, etc? how are you to know how I think? stream of consciousness is not writing. it is babbling onward and forward as a three year old would do. if animals could talk or write, stream of consciousness is what they would do. thank god, my time is almost up. I suppose I should say that I've never met a psych major that I liked or respected, since that is what just popped into my head. in submitting this, I suppose I am allowing whoever is analyzing this to do whatever they please, plagiarize, or otherwise. it is no longer my property, I have been forced to give up a part of my mind. so it can be categorized and used as someone's research and study. I will fit into the category of bitter, paranoid lesbian female from small town outside of texas, nonfreshman, English major. I have seen my life summed up by such words before, also by such people as yourselves. I suppose I should save this as the computer and website seems to be messing up right now. no way in hell I want to do this all over again. oh look  time is up. I guess you won't be privy to my thoughts any longer. ",Emotions,Disgust
2002_091020.txt,"     Okay, I thought right now would be the best time to do this. I'm alone and can think aobut what's going on. These last couple of weeks and been great as in school wise but my personal life has been shitty. We got into a wreck where alcohol was involved and the thing was the driver was designated and had nothing to drink and it was the other guys fault. Somehow with our parents we though we could cover it up aobut the alcohol but they found out aobut everything. This is all that keeps playing over and over right now. Where did we mess up? Well the past is the past and you can't change it. My dad came down and was very disappointed. He didn't know I had been drinknig for 1 and half years now and I don't evne get drunk. I get a buzz and I'm good. I have a few drinks every now and then not even all the time. For some reason he doesn't beleive it. He was furious. He's always trusted me for everything and never thought I'd mess up like this. I do good in school graduated top 2% of my class and everything. I have always done good in school and put school first jsut like my parents taught me too. I never wanted to disappoint my parents. I kept it so none of my little mess-ups would ever reach them. So they would think of me as they saw me everyday. This last senior year I started going to parties and hanging out with different people. I'm a real easy going person. The way I think is that I don't care aobut anything. I let things happen. I make the decisions that I think are right at the time and let whatever happen. I like to make people happy. I'm one of those people that when someone is arguing aobut something I let them argue and win. If they think they are right than they feel good. As for me I don't care. I know I'm right or wrong and I let it be, as lngo as their happy it's all good. So aobut the drinknig I have no idea what lead me to it. I used to be a very shy and not really outgonig person. Everyone liked me but I never tlaked oir anything but people knew me just because I was the only Indian at my school and I was easy gonig and friendly. I hate no one, I think everyone has a good side as long as they don't screw me over. Once someone screws me over than I don't like them but until then I try to get along with everyone. Well I guess that's why I staretd drinkngi to get my shyness away. Very bad excuse, I know. My dad thinks it's peer pressure. Peer pressure has never gotten to me I odn't think. I have a strong will about serious things. If I think it's bad and will do something to me I don't like than I won't do it. I tried weed too because I wanted to know the feeling and after researching that it won't cause damage liek other drugs. I tried smokngi cigars and cigarettes jsut to try it and I have astma so I decdie that wasn't for me. I never did really like the idea aobut smokngi. So so I decdied to stick to drinking because after a couple of times I liked the feeling. It was something different to get awya kind of form reality and really let yourslef go but at the same time still know what your doing. My mind goes from one thing to another right now jsut cause of my dad. My mom doesn't know anything which she would probably cry if she found out and that would make me the guiltiest person ever. I would hate that. My dad I don't know. As I sit here thikngi aobut him I feel more and mroe sorry. He came yesterday and gave me a lecture and I said I wouldn't dirnk anymroe but in a way that didn't sound half-true because I couldn't be sincere I thought it was bullshit. A few drinks every now and then can't hurt. Well I know it can but still it's weird I don't know how to explain. Well he came today again and tried to have anothe rone on one. Me and my dad rarely talk I talk to my mom aobut my problems, so I got angry this afternoon and totally went off when he asked me if I was still going to dirnk and if I had done any other drugs. He doesn't trust me me anymore. That hurts the worst. I'm not a eprson to show my feelings ever because I l;iek to think things thorugh. Right now I feel very guilty. I totally blew my dad off this afternoon and I saw the hurt in his eyes and my dad is rarely a person to show his feelings. I guess I get it from him. It's weird. So now I'mthinkngi aobut how I can make it up. I got a e-mail from one of my ex-best friend that's a gurl. We tried gonig out but it didn't work and then firendship fell thorugh too. But somehow we're still really close even thoguh we don't talk to each other anymore. My dad was discussing me with his best friends who is the girl's father. She said I sohuld stop drinknig and that my dad was really hurt. For some reason I still lsiten ot her so I'm reallyt thikngi abut callnig my dad and saying sorry and sincerely saying that I'm going to stop drinknig. I really do want to stop now. I know I can stop if I put my mind to it. I don't need alcohol anymore. One night can ruin the next 6 years haha. It's crazy ",Emotions: Introversion,"     Okay, I thought right now would be the best time to do this. I'm alone and can think aobut what's going on. These last couple of weeks and been great as in school wise but my personal life has been shitty. We got into a wreck where alcohol was involved and the thing was the driver was designated and had nothing to drink and it was the other guys fault. Somehow with our parents we though we could cover it up aobut the alcohol but they found out aobut everything. This is all that keeps playing over and over right now. Where did we mess up? Well the past is the past and you can't change it. My dad came down and was very disappointed. He didn't know I had been drinknig for 1 and half years now and I don't evne get drunk. I get a buzz and I'm good. I have a few drinks every now and then not even all the time. For some reason he doesn't beleive it. He was furious. He's always trusted me for everything and never thought I'd mess up like this. I do good in school graduated top 2% of my class and everything. I have always done good in school and put school first jsut like my parents taught me too. I never wanted to disappoint my parents. I kept it so none of my little mess-ups would ever reach them. So they would think of me as they saw me everyday. This last senior year I started going to parties and hanging out with different people. I'm a real easy going person. The way I think is that I don't care aobut anything. I let things happen. I make the decisions that I think are right at the time and let whatever happen. I like to make people happy. I'm one of those people that when someone is arguing aobut something I let them argue and win. If they think they are right than they feel good. As for me I don't care. I know I'm right or wrong and I let it be, as lngo as their happy it's all good. So aobut the drinknig I have no idea what lead me to it. I used to be a very shy and not really outgonig person. Everyone liked me but I never tlaked oir anything but people knew me just because I was the only Indian at my school and I was easy gonig and friendly. I hate no one, I think everyone has a good side as long as they don't screw me over. Once someone screws me over than I don't like them but until then I try to get along with everyone. Well I guess that's why I staretd drinkngi to get my shyness away. Very bad excuse, I know. My dad thinks it's peer pressure. Peer pressure has never gotten to me I odn't think. I have a strong will about serious things. If I think it's bad and will do something to me I don't like than I won't do it. I tried weed too because I wanted to know the feeling and after researching that it won't cause damage liek other drugs. I tried smokngi cigars and cigarettes jsut to try it and I have astma so I decdie that wasn't for me. I never did really like the idea aobut smokngi. So so I decdied to stick to drinking because after a couple of times I liked the feeling. It was something different to get awya kind of form reality and really let yourslef go but at the same time still know what your doing. My mind goes from one thing to another right now jsut cause of my dad. My mom doesn't know anything which she would probably cry if she found out and that would make me the guiltiest person ever. I would hate that. My dad I don't know. As I sit here thikngi aobut him I feel more and mroe sorry. He came yesterday and gave me a lecture and I said I wouldn't dirnk anymroe but in a way that didn't sound half-true because I couldn't be sincere I thought it was bullshit. A few drinks every now and then can't hurt. Well I know it can but still it's weird I don't know how to explain. Well he came today again and tried to have anothe rone on one. Me and my dad rarely talk I talk to my mom aobut my problems, so I got angry this afternoon and totally went off when he asked me if I was still going to dirnk and if I had done any other drugs. He doesn't trust me me anymore. That hurts the worst. I'm not a eprson to show my feelings ever because I l;iek to think things thorugh. Right now I feel very guilty. I totally blew my dad off this afternoon and I saw the hurt in his eyes and my dad is rarely a person to show his feelings. I guess I get it from him. It's weird. So now I'mthinkngi aobut how I can make it up. I got a e-mail from one of my ex-best friend that's a gurl. We tried gonig out but it didn't work and then firendship fell thorugh too. But somehow we're still really close even thoguh we don't talk to each other anymore. My dad was discussing me with his best friends who is the girl's father. She said I sohuld stop drinknig and that my dad was really hurt. For some reason I still lsiten ot her so I'm reallyt thikngi abut callnig my dad and saying sorry and sincerely saying that I'm going to stop drinknig. I really do want to stop now. I know I can stop if I put my mind to it. I don't need alcohol anymore. One night can ruin the next 6 years haha. It's crazy ",Emotions,Introversion
2004_50.txt,"I got home from Burnet today from hunting and it wasn't that great. The dove weren't flying when I was there maybe its because I'm bad luck. Sometimes I think stupid things like that, like maybe for instance people were catching fish before I got there then when I got there I didn't catch anything and neither did anybody else. Super smells really good right now I think mom is cooking mashed potatoes and ribs. Sounds really good because I'm so hungry I haven't eaten all day. Speaking of not eating all day I just realized how fun my weekend was. That's why I haven't really eaten that much. Food sounds so good. Friday night I went out to a few parties and tried to get into frat parties but they're all gay and wont let any dudes in. Even though it was me with a bunch of girls they still wouldn't let me in. I'm pissed. From now on when I have a party I'm not letting any frat people in just hot sorority girls. Some of my friends are in sororities they seem cool. Anyway, then I went to the UT game on Saturday and we stomped all over North Texas. I kind of felt bad but not really. Its weird to be at a UT game and say ""this is my school. ""  I'm so used to being in high school and going to high school games I'm not used to seeing 80000 people at a game for my school. I wish school didn't involve class. I love the college atmosphere but not the class part. Maybe my psychology professor will give me an A. That would be great of him. He's a cool guy though I like his class. All my other professors are boring but he knows how to have fun while he lectures. I'm glad I got out of my calculus class and in a different one because professor radin is not cool at all. he needs to learn how to be not so uptight. My new calculus professor is cool though he's more laid back and knows how to teach things and give examples. Gosh I'm hungry I wish dinner were ready already. Taco Cabana is really good late at night I just realized that. I'm glad it's open 24 hrs because where would I go eat at 3 a. M?  Speaking of Taco Cabana San Antonio was fun I just wish we went to Cowboys and danced a little. San Antonio was cool but not as cool as burnet I want to hurry up and go hunting again. maybe this weekend I'll go back and shoot some more birds. Girls make me so mad. Why does a certain somebody have to be stupid all the time?  She bitches too much at me for little things. I should just not talk to her anymore. I don't know why I can't just not talk to her. All girls are the same to me, they all bitch about stupid things and get mad at you for saying hi to other girls that are your friends but they go off and say hi to their guy friends and expect us not to get mad at them. It's dumb. Jenna is dumb too. She should have ditched her boyfriend to hang out with her quote best friend Kelly on her birthday. She is stupid for choosing someone she just barely met over her best friend. Kelly doesn't deserve to cry I should yell at Jenna for that. Jessica is a cool girl she cares about me and doesn't want anything to happen to me I should hang out with her more. Stony Point football will always suck. They lose too much. New coaches are cool though I wish he was there when I was there. I need to do chemistry homework. He needs to stop mumbling and getting off topic to. My TA pisses me off so much I think I'm smarter than her. All the answers I had were right and the ones she gave me were wrong I can't believe that. 66 on the first hw is crap. there goes my confidence. She's a good looking girl though I'll give her that much but she can't help for crap. hopefully by this weekend I'll have my work done so I can hunt. I really can't stop thinking about hunting. I want to shoot me a deer I've never shot one before. Season opens soon I think so dove will have to do for now.        ",Emotions: Frustration,"I got home from Burnet today from hunting and it wasn't that great. The dove weren't flying when I was there maybe its because I'm bad luck. Sometimes I think stupid things like that, like maybe for instance people were catching fish before I got there then when I got there I didn't catch anything and neither did anybody else. Super smells really good right now I think mom is cooking mashed potatoes and ribs. Sounds really good because I'm so hungry I haven't eaten all day. Speaking of not eating all day I just realized how fun my weekend was. That's why I haven't really eaten that much. Food sounds so good. Friday night I went out to a few parties and tried to get into frat parties but they're all gay and wont let any dudes in. Even though it was me with a bunch of girls they still wouldn't let me in. I'm pissed. From now on when I have a party I'm not letting any frat people in just hot sorority girls. Some of my friends are in sororities they seem cool. Anyway, then I went to the UT game on Saturday and we stomped all over North Texas. I kind of felt bad but not really. Its weird to be at a UT game and say ""this is my school. ""  I'm so used to being in high school and going to high school games I'm not used to seeing 80000 people at a game for my school. I wish school didn't involve class. I love the college atmosphere but not the class part. Maybe my psychology professor will give me an A. That would be great of him. He's a cool guy though I like his class. All my other professors are boring but he knows how to have fun while he lectures. I'm glad I got out of my calculus class and in a different one because professor radin is not cool at all. he needs to learn how to be not so uptight. My new calculus professor is cool though he's more laid back and knows how to teach things and give examples. Gosh I'm hungry I wish dinner were ready already. Taco Cabana is really good late at night I just realized that. I'm glad it's open 24 hrs because where would I go eat at 3 a. M?  Speaking of Taco Cabana San Antonio was fun I just wish we went to Cowboys and danced a little. San Antonio was cool but not as cool as burnet I want to hurry up and go hunting again. maybe this weekend I'll go back and shoot some more birds. Girls make me so mad. Why does a certain somebody have to be stupid all the time?  She bitches too much at me for little things. I should just not talk to her anymore. I don't know why I can't just not talk to her. All girls are the same to me, they all bitch about stupid things and get mad at you for saying hi to other girls that are your friends but they go off and say hi to their guy friends and expect us not to get mad at them. It's dumb. Jenna is dumb too. She should have ditched her boyfriend to hang out with her quote best friend Kelly on her birthday. She is stupid for choosing someone she just barely met over her best friend. Kelly doesn't deserve to cry I should yell at Jenna for that. Jessica is a cool girl she cares about me and doesn't want anything to happen to me I should hang out with her more. Stony Point football will always suck. They lose too much. New coaches are cool though I wish he was there when I was there. I need to do chemistry homework. He needs to stop mumbling and getting off topic to. My TA pisses me off so much I think I'm smarter than her. All the answers I had were right and the ones she gave me were wrong I can't believe that. 66 on the first hw is crap. there goes my confidence. She's a good looking girl though I'll give her that much but she can't help for crap. hopefully by this weekend I'll have my work done so I can hunt. I really can't stop thinking about hunting. I want to shoot me a deer I've never shot one before. Season opens soon I think so dove will have to do for now.        ",Emotions,Frustration
2000_457131.txt,"streaming thoughts. hard with aol open, closed. music playing. wonder if this impacts writing. of course it does. cold hands. why is this room so cold. wonder what its like outside. hopefully not as hot as before, it would feel good though. I like this keyboard. track change. dig this mix. reverb. bass. beat. dark room, but I hate fluorescent lights. horrible. this is hard to do. thoughts come and go before I can trace them. highway. like cars going by on a highway, fleeting. synthesizer, chord, nice. voice, repeating. strange. I wonder why economics was canceled today. no professor? sick? I need to read. fifteen minutes to go? I've hardly written anything. don't tell me my mind is this empty. email arrives. pointless, I'm sure. 303s are cool, who made them. want to hear the first song using a 303. wish I could get this working. where's the beat, key change. okay. what are these things sitting here. fists outstretched with a spiral on the stomach? someone was high when they designed these. individually wrapped. single serving. film club meeting tonight. ahh free food, hopefully not pizza. need to see a movie. yes. so much money to be spent. 10 minutes it looks like, well at least I'm consistent. underworld. neat notes. this would be hard in silence. easier to work with music for some reason. cymbals. going home Friday. hot weather. how cold will it get. were humans meant to live in texas. air conditioning changed the world. funny. sweaty fat guys with tool belts make most of the world livable. irony. age of empires. a time with anarchy before 18 years of predetermined schooling. talent squashed with mindless work before it has a chance to develop. what are we doing. who can fix it, everyone takes it for granted. why am I arguing this. I'd like to argue this someday. humans haven't been around forever. feet are cold now, I really need to get out. pop quizzes, I hope not. no projects, thank god. need to read though. club element tonight? fifteen bucks. might be cool. what type of crowd is it though. bassline bassline. is this trance? I like ltj bukem though. there's the beat, how cool. who is this. I'd like to make a track like this. dust. damn this room gets dusty. need to wipe the fixtures. I love black lights. mix it. put that away. hunger, lots of walking. lots of sleep. too much. can't wake up at one every day. why didn't the highpoint controllers work. its almost time. watch the computer crash. who reads this? white room. ",Emotions: Curiosity,"streaming thoughts. hard with aol open, closed. music playing. wonder if this impacts writing. of course it does. cold hands. why is this room so cold. wonder what its like outside. hopefully not as hot as before, it would feel good though. I like this keyboard. track change. dig this mix. reverb. bass. beat. dark room, but I hate fluorescent lights. horrible. this is hard to do. thoughts come and go before I can trace them. highway. like cars going by on a highway, fleeting. synthesizer, chord, nice. voice, repeating. strange. I wonder why economics was canceled today. no professor? sick? I need to read. fifteen minutes to go? I've hardly written anything. don't tell me my mind is this empty. email arrives. pointless, I'm sure. 303s are cool, who made them. want to hear the first song using a 303. wish I could get this working. where's the beat, key change. okay. what are these things sitting here. fists outstretched with a spiral on the stomach? someone was high when they designed these. individually wrapped. single serving. film club meeting tonight. ahh free food, hopefully not pizza. need to see a movie. yes. so much money to be spent. 10 minutes it looks like, well at least I'm consistent. underworld. neat notes. this would be hard in silence. easier to work with music for some reason. cymbals. going home Friday. hot weather. how cold will it get. were humans meant to live in texas. air conditioning changed the world. funny. sweaty fat guys with tool belts make most of the world livable. irony. age of empires. a time with anarchy before 18 years of predetermined schooling. talent squashed with mindless work before it has a chance to develop. what are we doing. who can fix it, everyone takes it for granted. why am I arguing this. I'd like to argue this someday. humans haven't been around forever. feet are cold now, I really need to get out. pop quizzes, I hope not. no projects, thank god. need to read though. club element tonight? fifteen bucks. might be cool. what type of crowd is it though. bassline bassline. is this trance? I like ltj bukem though. there's the beat, how cool. who is this. I'd like to make a track like this. dust. damn this room gets dusty. need to wipe the fixtures. I love black lights. mix it. put that away. hunger, lots of walking. lots of sleep. too much. can't wake up at one every day. why didn't the highpoint controllers work. its almost time. watch the computer crash. who reads this? white room. ",Emotions,Curiosity
2000_713951.txt,"I feel strange because I'm in a world of completely new things. I tell myself that is all the same from any other people or situation, and it is in a way because if I always look at myself from an aerial view I will only see myself as one of the others, that we are all masses of tissue. But this is difficult because I know that I am myself, in a sense, and that really, everything will happen to me and the only way I can interpret the stimuli is by the way it comes to me, pertains to me. I don't want to be selfish, in the other respect of that word, but by thinking about myself I know that I therefore am selfish. I was depressed for a few days because I did not want to let go of another person. It was so much bullshit that I just finally sat on the roof and sorted everything out, looking at the stars. I came to the conclusion that I didn't need that right now, and that I was only cheating myself by believing this. It is strange because I have such problems with that. I realized recently that I have not reached the belonging. stage of life. Or maybe I reached it by not even trying, when I was very small, but I think ever since school started in kindergarten, as far as I can remember school wise, so maybe I have recessed back under that level of substantial importance. I'm having trouble being myself because I know that I don't even know myself. I do in a sense, but I sometimes think that it is just what I want to tell myself I'm like, and that I try to make myself the person that I think other people will like to see. Then I think that has everything to do with the belonging. factor. I am ultimately working towards self actualization. But I'm trying to be realistic in thinking that it won't be until I'm older like in my thirties. But it doesn't have to be that way. I don't want to feel like I can't do something, but I think how young I am and I think that I'm still just a little kid, and that I will have to work on this a lot more. I don't want to accept myself so I don't let others accept me. Its so hard, and winding. but now I know what I have to do, I have to find what it is that will make me chill out and respect myself and others. This is the key to passing the belonging stage of the cycle towards self actualization. I just need to stop worrying about shit like this and just be happy. And now I know what I have to do. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I feel strange because I'm in a world of completely new things. I tell myself that is all the same from any other people or situation, and it is in a way because if I always look at myself from an aerial view I will only see myself as one of the others, that we are all masses of tissue. But this is difficult because I know that I am myself, in a sense, and that really, everything will happen to me and the only way I can interpret the stimuli is by the way it comes to me, pertains to me. I don't want to be selfish, in the other respect of that word, but by thinking about myself I know that I therefore am selfish. I was depressed for a few days because I did not want to let go of another person. It was so much bullshit that I just finally sat on the roof and sorted everything out, looking at the stars. I came to the conclusion that I didn't need that right now, and that I was only cheating myself by believing this. It is strange because I have such problems with that. I realized recently that I have not reached the belonging. stage of life. Or maybe I reached it by not even trying, when I was very small, but I think ever since school started in kindergarten, as far as I can remember school wise, so maybe I have recessed back under that level of substantial importance. I'm having trouble being myself because I know that I don't even know myself. I do in a sense, but I sometimes think that it is just what I want to tell myself I'm like, and that I try to make myself the person that I think other people will like to see. Then I think that has everything to do with the belonging. factor. I am ultimately working towards self actualization. But I'm trying to be realistic in thinking that it won't be until I'm older like in my thirties. But it doesn't have to be that way. I don't want to feel like I can't do something, but I think how young I am and I think that I'm still just a little kid, and that I will have to work on this a lot more. I don't want to accept myself so I don't let others accept me. Its so hard, and winding. but now I know what I have to do, I have to find what it is that will make me chill out and respect myself and others. This is the key to passing the belonging stage of the cycle towards self actualization. I just need to stop worrying about shit like this and just be happy. And now I know what I have to do. ",Emotions,Anxiety
1997_964636.txt,"I am at my friends house right now because I don't have a computer to use at my home. I just decided to get this assignment over with. This room is really hot. There are four people in this house right now. Jack, Richard, Julie, Sarah, and me. My girlfriend, Sarah is asking everyone of us to quiz her on her vocabulary that she has to memorize by Friday. It is very noisy in here and Jack is telling me to shut up. I really want to get drunk and have fun but I can't because I have school tomorrow. I need to stay focused on my school work and keep myself in control. I'm only a Freshmen and I'm really worried about UT because of the horror stories all my upperclassmen friends told me about. My father told me to concentrate on my studies because it is my responsibility to do excellent in school. He said that it is my life that I'm preparing for, not his. I'm also using my money because I'm using the loan that I received. I've been dating my girlfriend for two and half months and I think we're doing good. Everything is working just right. I cant wait till this weekend so I don’t have to worry about school for about two days. Actually, I have to do some reading and a short homework. I wonder if anyone sent me a E-mail. I better check it when my twenty minutes is up. I cant believe how much money I spent ever since I came to Austin. I spent so much on food, clothes, gas, and more food. Oh yeah, and mostly important, the books!  (Yeah right!) Oh man! I did so bad in Philosophy today. I read my homework but still got a zero because the quiz was a little tricky. This is kind of fun expressing my thoughts on the computer. Oh!  Twenty minutes are up!  Bye Bye!                                                                                  ",Emotions: Excitement,"I am at my friends house right now because I don't have a computer to use at my home. I just decided to get this assignment over with. This room is really hot. There are four people in this house right now. Jack, Richard, Julie, Sarah, and me. My girlfriend, Sarah is asking everyone of us to quiz her on her vocabulary that she has to memorize by Friday. It is very noisy in here and Jack is telling me to shut up. I really want to get drunk and have fun but I can't because I have school tomorrow. I need to stay focused on my school work and keep myself in control. I'm only a Freshmen and I'm really worried about UT because of the horror stories all my upperclassmen friends told me about. My father told me to concentrate on my studies because it is my responsibility to do excellent in school. He said that it is my life that I'm preparing for, not his. I'm also using my money because I'm using the loan that I received. I've been dating my girlfriend for two and half months and I think we're doing good. Everything is working just right. I cant wait till this weekend so I don’t have to worry about school for about two days. Actually, I have to do some reading and a short homework. I wonder if anyone sent me a E-mail. I better check it when my twenty minutes is up. I cant believe how much money I spent ever since I came to Austin. I spent so much on food, clothes, gas, and more food. Oh yeah, and mostly important, the books!  (Yeah right!) Oh man! I did so bad in Philosophy today. I read my homework but still got a zero because the quiz was a little tricky. This is kind of fun expressing my thoughts on the computer. Oh!  Twenty minutes are up!  Bye Bye!                                                                                  ",Emotions,Excitement
1999_578241.txt,"At this moment I am worried about completing this assignment. The main cause of my concern is that I am using a friend's computer. I do not own a computer and therefore it is very difficult to have access to class notes and homework assignments. I have never really dealt much with computers, so I am not very familiar with this type of technology. I have tried various times to seek help in a public librar, but I was unaware that a long process of aquiring an account and finding a payment plan (if I want to print) was required. This is especially hard for me because many of my classes offer class information on the web. Now proceeding to my next concern, tomorrow I have a major french exam. After finishing this assignment I must hurry to my apartment and eat lunch, then return to school. I have no idea what I will eat for lunch, but I must eat at home. Last weekend my parents came down from Lufkin to visit me. They swore that I had lost some pounds and that I must not be eating healthy. My parents worry about my health very much. Being from a hispanic background, education is not of importance. My father threatened to take my out of school if I did not start taking care of my health and house duties. My father believes that a woman's future is in the kitchen. He never realy supported me in my college education. In his own words, he didn't think I ""would make it in the real world"". My mother begged me to stay close to home and attend a community college. I refused because I am very ambitious and much of a dreamer. I wanted to attend a well-known university (UT) and nowhere else. I worked hard for 12 years to get this far. I did it with very few support from my parents . I encouraged myself to achieve everything I have. Perhaps it is better this way because my parents let me become independant and able to have my own dreams. They knew that if I achieved all my dreams, it would be because only I worked for it. Knowing that you made it almost alone gives a sense of immense satisfaction and self-worth. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"At this moment I am worried about completing this assignment. The main cause of my concern is that I am using a friend's computer. I do not own a computer and therefore it is very difficult to have access to class notes and homework assignments. I have never really dealt much with computers, so I am not very familiar with this type of technology. I have tried various times to seek help in a public librar, but I was unaware that a long process of aquiring an account and finding a payment plan (if I want to print) was required. This is especially hard for me because many of my classes offer class information on the web. Now proceeding to my next concern, tomorrow I have a major french exam. After finishing this assignment I must hurry to my apartment and eat lunch, then return to school. I have no idea what I will eat for lunch, but I must eat at home. Last weekend my parents came down from Lufkin to visit me. They swore that I had lost some pounds and that I must not be eating healthy. My parents worry about my health very much. Being from a hispanic background, education is not of importance. My father threatened to take my out of school if I did not start taking care of my health and house duties. My father believes that a woman's future is in the kitchen. He never realy supported me in my college education. In his own words, he didn't think I ""would make it in the real world"". My mother begged me to stay close to home and attend a community college. I refused because I am very ambitious and much of a dreamer. I wanted to attend a well-known university (UT) and nowhere else. I worked hard for 12 years to get this far. I did it with very few support from my parents . I encouraged myself to achieve everything I have. Perhaps it is better this way because my parents let me become independant and able to have my own dreams. They knew that if I achieved all my dreams, it would be because only I worked for it. Knowing that you made it almost alone gives a sense of immense satisfaction and self-worth. ",Emotions,Anxiety
2003_233.txt,"Today I had to wake up for an 8:00am class. I am so tired right now, but I'm not going to take a nap because I have a lot of things to do today. Last night was my roommates birthday. She had a meeting that she had to go to from 6-10pm, so we couldn't go out to dinner. Instead, when she got home, I had gotten a couple presents and she opened them. She started to cry, telling my that it was the first time anyone had ever celebrated her birthday. I find it so strange to find out about the different types of childhoods and life that all of my new friends here have experienced. Everyone comes from different backgrounds and the things that I might think are very common may actually be new things for some people. That is why I am enjoying living in the dorm right now and meeting all sorts of people. I love to study and figure out why people are the way they are and what makes them act the way they act. Anyway, my rhetoric class this morning wasn't too bad. Once I'm up and out of bed, I can usually get to class and do everything that I need to do. In my biology class, my teacher gave us a quiz. We hadn't been told about it and it was over a chapter that most people hadn't read yet. The quiz was worth 6 points and I got 3. Three points was about the average of the class. My professor isn't American and he doesn't articulate his words. This makes it very hard to understand and take notes. Luckily, I had a lab this afternoon and the TA was able to explain the lecture and help clarify so of the notes. Today, I am going to go to TOPS to get some of the pictures that I took this weekend. I am so excited because I don't have many pictures on my wall right now. My suitemate said that she would make me a bulletin board. She is very artistic and creative, so I know it will be really cute. Tonight, I have a meeting for my sorority. I chose to go Tri-Delt. I really like all the girls and we have been hanging out a lot. Everyone gets along pretty well, but there are always groups of people that tend to cling together. I have tried to make friends with as many of them as I can. Right now everyone is worrying about where they should live next year. It's kind of frustrating because it is so soon. How do we know who we will be friends with and hang out with in a year from now? I guess you just pick and hope for the best. My roommate and I decided to live together and both of us have been asked to live with other girls from our sororities. So, we decided to get an apartment together and we have 4 other girls that we have met that are going to live with us. I really hope we all get along and I'm sure everything will work out! ",Emotions: Empathy,"Today I had to wake up for an 8:00am class. I am so tired right now, but I'm not going to take a nap because I have a lot of things to do today. Last night was my roommates birthday. She had a meeting that she had to go to from 6-10pm, so we couldn't go out to dinner. Instead, when she got home, I had gotten a couple presents and she opened them. She started to cry, telling my that it was the first time anyone had ever celebrated her birthday. I find it so strange to find out about the different types of childhoods and life that all of my new friends here have experienced. Everyone comes from different backgrounds and the things that I might think are very common may actually be new things for some people. That is why I am enjoying living in the dorm right now and meeting all sorts of people. I love to study and figure out why people are the way they are and what makes them act the way they act. Anyway, my rhetoric class this morning wasn't too bad. Once I'm up and out of bed, I can usually get to class and do everything that I need to do. In my biology class, my teacher gave us a quiz. We hadn't been told about it and it was over a chapter that most people hadn't read yet. The quiz was worth 6 points and I got 3. Three points was about the average of the class. My professor isn't American and he doesn't articulate his words. This makes it very hard to understand and take notes. Luckily, I had a lab this afternoon and the TA was able to explain the lecture and help clarify so of the notes. Today, I am going to go to TOPS to get some of the pictures that I took this weekend. I am so excited because I don't have many pictures on my wall right now. My suitemate said that she would make me a bulletin board. She is very artistic and creative, so I know it will be really cute. Tonight, I have a meeting for my sorority. I chose to go Tri-Delt. I really like all the girls and we have been hanging out a lot. Everyone gets along pretty well, but there are always groups of people that tend to cling together. I have tried to make friends with as many of them as I can. Right now everyone is worrying about where they should live next year. It's kind of frustrating because it is so soon. How do we know who we will be friends with and hang out with in a year from now? I guess you just pick and hope for the best. My roommate and I decided to live together and both of us have been asked to live with other girls from our sororities. So, we decided to get an apartment together and we have 4 other girls that we have met that are going to live with us. I really hope we all get along and I'm sure everything will work out! ",Emotions,Empathy
1998_551027.txt,"It is weird to be here because usually people are here and I could visit them but no one is at home. My brother is now doing all the stuff I did last year and it's kind of a weird role reversal. I am also frustrated because I am here and if it was normal circumstances Jared would be here but of course his family decided to take a vacation and they are out of town. and it's so weird and frustrating to be here and not be able to just call him and see him, I guess it is part of the annoying ""sensitivity"" that girls seem to employ. I need to get out of that habit. But, in an hour and a half or so, I will be driving back to UT and bringing my roommate's and also my friends from here. The whole situation did not work out exactly how we planned because I was going to stay here this whole weekend but then Jill's ride got all messed up so if I don't bring her up today I have Chris and Emily who will be very disappointed and I would feel guilty if I just stayed here instead. but actually I kind of just do want to stay here at home for awhile and actually get some stuff done and just relax but I also am torn the other way too. Whatever, my mind is so strange sometimes. and also I am feeling stupid writing all these thoughts down. Am I going to be diagnosed with some kind of disorder by what I've written? rhetorical question. computers can be very frustrating. It is really getting on my nerves that I am not allowed to complete my pretesting requirement on here. at first I couldn't even access the screen to type in my social security number and then when I could do that it won't accept my password or user name. That is all very frustrating and I've tried all these different computers trying to access it. Oh well. Hopefully, I will finally figure it out. As I just skimmed over what I've written thus far, I am worried. The blurb above says there is no right or wrong thing to say but I have before, just done completely the opposite of what was intended on an assignment and I had to redo it so this makes me slightly nervous as to if the content of this is adequate or not. It is very quiet in this area right now and my thoughts seem so loud in comparison since they are all that I can ""hear"" and it all the activity that is going on. This assignment is actually kind of ironic because usually, I do write down everything that is in my head, like my thoughts and my feelings, and it helps me sort things out. It usually angers my friends because then they never know what upset me before because I wouldn't say anything because I'd have to go write it down to figure it out. Yet, while I'm typing this, it seems so forced to have to write down my thoughts. I guess because the ""audience"" I am typing for is so unknown and I feel self conscious of what I write. I just thought about this calculus homework I've been trying to work on for the past hour or so. It is so aggravating to try and understand something and completely fail or only understand a little bit which does nothing for progress toward solving the problem. I guess that is something I miss. I miss my smaller classes where there was always a lot of discussion and interaction. I guess in a way I'm being selfish but I can't help feeling that way. Oh well, I guess I am still in transition but I'm used to everything I just am not sure how much I like everything. well, I guess that is all my thoughts for now. I am so random sometimes. My train of thought that leads me to some comment or question is sometimes so mixed up and completely out of nowhere that I can't even believe how I think of some things. I'm not sure. But I bet a psychologist somewhere could figure that dilemma out. : ) ",Emotions: Frustration,"It is weird to be here because usually people are here and I could visit them but no one is at home. My brother is now doing all the stuff I did last year and it's kind of a weird role reversal. I am also frustrated because I am here and if it was normal circumstances Jared would be here but of course his family decided to take a vacation and they are out of town. and it's so weird and frustrating to be here and not be able to just call him and see him, I guess it is part of the annoying ""sensitivity"" that girls seem to employ. I need to get out of that habit. But, in an hour and a half or so, I will be driving back to UT and bringing my roommate's and also my friends from here. The whole situation did not work out exactly how we planned because I was going to stay here this whole weekend but then Jill's ride got all messed up so if I don't bring her up today I have Chris and Emily who will be very disappointed and I would feel guilty if I just stayed here instead. but actually I kind of just do want to stay here at home for awhile and actually get some stuff done and just relax but I also am torn the other way too. Whatever, my mind is so strange sometimes. and also I am feeling stupid writing all these thoughts down. Am I going to be diagnosed with some kind of disorder by what I've written? rhetorical question. computers can be very frustrating. It is really getting on my nerves that I am not allowed to complete my pretesting requirement on here. at first I couldn't even access the screen to type in my social security number and then when I could do that it won't accept my password or user name. That is all very frustrating and I've tried all these different computers trying to access it. Oh well. Hopefully, I will finally figure it out. As I just skimmed over what I've written thus far, I am worried. The blurb above says there is no right or wrong thing to say but I have before, just done completely the opposite of what was intended on an assignment and I had to redo it so this makes me slightly nervous as to if the content of this is adequate or not. It is very quiet in this area right now and my thoughts seem so loud in comparison since they are all that I can ""hear"" and it all the activity that is going on. This assignment is actually kind of ironic because usually, I do write down everything that is in my head, like my thoughts and my feelings, and it helps me sort things out. It usually angers my friends because then they never know what upset me before because I wouldn't say anything because I'd have to go write it down to figure it out. Yet, while I'm typing this, it seems so forced to have to write down my thoughts. I guess because the ""audience"" I am typing for is so unknown and I feel self conscious of what I write. I just thought about this calculus homework I've been trying to work on for the past hour or so. It is so aggravating to try and understand something and completely fail or only understand a little bit which does nothing for progress toward solving the problem. I guess that is something I miss. I miss my smaller classes where there was always a lot of discussion and interaction. I guess in a way I'm being selfish but I can't help feeling that way. Oh well, I guess I am still in transition but I'm used to everything I just am not sure how much I like everything. well, I guess that is all my thoughts for now. I am so random sometimes. My train of thought that leads me to some comment or question is sometimes so mixed up and completely out of nowhere that I can't even believe how I think of some things. I'm not sure. But I bet a psychologist somewhere could figure that dilemma out. : ) ",Emotions,Frustration
2002_690395.txt,"Right now I am thinking about September 11th because i just got out of music class, and we discussed the emotional impact that music has on people. I never really thought about how emotional some songs make me feel. When my music teacher played   Amazing Grace   after reading an e-mail from a New York firefighter, I felt myself get teary eyed. It has been about 20 minutes since I've been in his class, and I still have that heart ache feeling thinking about the diffrent songs he played for the class. I also feel homesick. I keep thinking how i want to spend the anniversary of September 11th at home with my mom and dad. I am already homesick, and Wednesday is just going to intinsify my home sickness. I feel worried about my school work. I have so much homework that i need to get done that I'm starting to feel stressed out. I wish i would have study more these past two weeks instead of leaving the huge load I have now to the last minute. I don't think I'm ever going to catch up! I am really worried about Biology. It's an advanced class, and I have no idea what I'm doing in there. I still have an 11 paged packet that I must have done tomorrow. It's too hard though. I really wanted to go workout, but I don't feel like I have time. I want to go tanning but I have class at 3:30 and I needed to study inbetween my classes. I am really hungry. I want some buffalo wings. I think after I'm done typing this I'm going to order some Pluckers. I am also really thirsty, but I'm too lazy to go downstairs and get a coke. I'll just wait until I go get food. My room mate won't stop making noise which keeps breaking my train of thought. I really miss my nephew. I havn't got to see him in months. I hope when i go home this weekend I will be able to see him, but I doubt it beacuse his mom is such a psycho. She never lets us see him unless she wants something. I am going to call her and tell her I want to see him this weekend. I think I'll buy him a UT shirt before I leave on Friday. I put your picture away, sat down and cried for days. I can't look at you laying next to her. I wonder how Jess is doing. I havn't talked to her since i came to Austin. I hope she's doing better than when I left. This song sure does remind me of her. I hope her and Michael are talking again. It smells like clorox in my room. I need to spray some Lysol on here. Plus I need to clean my room. It's starting to get really messy. I wonder if that's bothering Crystal? She would tell if it was. Well, I'll clean my half just to be nice, and so I can be more organized. I need to do my laundry. I guess i could do it later. ",Emotions: Loneliness,"Right now I am thinking about September 11th because i just got out of music class, and we discussed the emotional impact that music has on people. I never really thought about how emotional some songs make me feel. When my music teacher played   Amazing Grace   after reading an e-mail from a New York firefighter, I felt myself get teary eyed. It has been about 20 minutes since I've been in his class, and I still have that heart ache feeling thinking about the diffrent songs he played for the class. I also feel homesick. I keep thinking how i want to spend the anniversary of September 11th at home with my mom and dad. I am already homesick, and Wednesday is just going to intinsify my home sickness. I feel worried about my school work. I have so much homework that i need to get done that I'm starting to feel stressed out. I wish i would have study more these past two weeks instead of leaving the huge load I have now to the last minute. I don't think I'm ever going to catch up! I am really worried about Biology. It's an advanced class, and I have no idea what I'm doing in there. I still have an 11 paged packet that I must have done tomorrow. It's too hard though. I really wanted to go workout, but I don't feel like I have time. I want to go tanning but I have class at 3:30 and I needed to study inbetween my classes. I am really hungry. I want some buffalo wings. I think after I'm done typing this I'm going to order some Pluckers. I am also really thirsty, but I'm too lazy to go downstairs and get a coke. I'll just wait until I go get food. My room mate won't stop making noise which keeps breaking my train of thought. I really miss my nephew. I havn't got to see him in months. I hope when i go home this weekend I will be able to see him, but I doubt it beacuse his mom is such a psycho. She never lets us see him unless she wants something. I am going to call her and tell her I want to see him this weekend. I think I'll buy him a UT shirt before I leave on Friday. I put your picture away, sat down and cried for days. I can't look at you laying next to her. I wonder how Jess is doing. I havn't talked to her since i came to Austin. I hope she's doing better than when I left. This song sure does remind me of her. I hope her and Michael are talking again. It smells like clorox in my room. I need to spray some Lysol on here. Plus I need to clean my room. It's starting to get really messy. I wonder if that's bothering Crystal? She would tell if it was. Well, I'll clean my half just to be nice, and so I can be more organized. I need to do my laundry. I guess i could do it later. ",Emotions,Loneliness
2000_556394.txt,"Okay, I am starting to write for this assignment. I don't really know what I'm supposed to write, but I guess it's sort of like a journal and I'm supposed to write whatever I am thinking. I am kind of overwhelmed by school right now. It is so big here, and it's kind scary. I'm used to knowing everyone around, but here I don't know anyone. Friends is on right now. It's pretty funny. I miss being in Houston where everything is normal. I'm not used to the times shows come on here. This sounds really stupid, like I am just rambling on about nothing. Friends is funny. Am I doing this right? I don't know if this is what y'all are asking me to do. I miss John, the guy I am dating from Houston. I don't really want anything serious with him, but I like him a lot so I am kind of confused on what I should do. Should I have my fun and not date someone I really like a lot, or should I date him and maybe miss out on opportunities to have fun at school. I don't know I am not sure. And then there is my exboyfriend Ricky. I don't want to be with him, but sometimes I miss him. I think it is only when I think back on high school I think about the good times we had and I miss that. I also don't like it that maybe I made the wrong choice in not wanting him and moving on. What if I totally regret it in the future, and I want him back, but he doesn't want me. That would be horrible. I don't know. I'm just pretty confused right now. I don't know what I want about anything. It's hard getting used to everything around here. I miss the show 90210. I was just thinking about it for some weird reason. That used to be my favorite show, but it got cancelled. I'm supposed to go to a frat party tonight but I don't know if I'm going to go or not. My roommate doesn't want to go cause she needs to do work. She's the same major as me. She's a pretty good influence on me. She gets me to go to meetings and stuff that I probably wouldn't go to if it weren't for her dragging me to them. I am filming the volley ball game on Saturday for a live broadcast. I'm glad I am getting involved somehow. I tried to get tickets to the OU game, but I couldn't they were already sold out when I was supposed to get them. I'm pretty bored right now. I probably have lots of grammar mistakes in here, but since I'm free writing, I don't think it really matters. At least I hope it doesn't matter. I'm a little scared about grades. I hope tests and stuff are not too hard. I'm not really thinking about anything right now, so I have nothing to right except that I have nothing in my head. This is a little hard; to right only what you are thinking and not thinking of something to write. I'm glad it rained today, it was nice. I love the rain. Ever since I was a life guard I have loved the rain, cause we got to close the pool and sit around getting paid for doing nothing a miss those days, back in the summer of my freshmen year. Everything was so easy back then, it kind of makes me sad thinking about it, but oh well, I guess I'll make new memories, and have a different kind if fun. Okay, well my time is up. ",Social Awareness: Cooperation,"Okay, I am starting to write for this assignment. I don't really know what I'm supposed to write, but I guess it's sort of like a journal and I'm supposed to write whatever I am thinking. I am kind of overwhelmed by school right now. It is so big here, and it's kind scary. I'm used to knowing everyone around, but here I don't know anyone. Friends is on right now. It's pretty funny. I miss being in Houston where everything is normal. I'm not used to the times shows come on here. This sounds really stupid, like I am just rambling on about nothing. Friends is funny. Am I doing this right? I don't know if this is what y'all are asking me to do. I miss John, the guy I am dating from Houston. I don't really want anything serious with him, but I like him a lot so I am kind of confused on what I should do. Should I have my fun and not date someone I really like a lot, or should I date him and maybe miss out on opportunities to have fun at school. I don't know I am not sure. And then there is my exboyfriend Ricky. I don't want to be with him, but sometimes I miss him. I think it is only when I think back on high school I think about the good times we had and I miss that. I also don't like it that maybe I made the wrong choice in not wanting him and moving on. What if I totally regret it in the future, and I want him back, but he doesn't want me. That would be horrible. I don't know. I'm just pretty confused right now. I don't know what I want about anything. It's hard getting used to everything around here. I miss the show 90210. I was just thinking about it for some weird reason. That used to be my favorite show, but it got cancelled. I'm supposed to go to a frat party tonight but I don't know if I'm going to go or not. My roommate doesn't want to go cause she needs to do work. She's the same major as me. She's a pretty good influence on me. She gets me to go to meetings and stuff that I probably wouldn't go to if it weren't for her dragging me to them. I am filming the volley ball game on Saturday for a live broadcast. I'm glad I am getting involved somehow. I tried to get tickets to the OU game, but I couldn't they were already sold out when I was supposed to get them. I'm pretty bored right now. I probably have lots of grammar mistakes in here, but since I'm free writing, I don't think it really matters. At least I hope it doesn't matter. I'm a little scared about grades. I hope tests and stuff are not too hard. I'm not really thinking about anything right now, so I have nothing to right except that I have nothing in my head. This is a little hard; to right only what you are thinking and not thinking of something to write. I'm glad it rained today, it was nice. I love the rain. Ever since I was a life guard I have loved the rain, cause we got to close the pool and sit around getting paid for doing nothing a miss those days, back in the summer of my freshmen year. Everything was so easy back then, it kind of makes me sad thinking about it, but oh well, I guess I'll make new memories, and have a different kind if fun. Okay, well my time is up. ",Social Awareness,Cooperation
1998_613201.txt,"I honestly have no earthly idea. I just woke up about 2 hours ago. Drop off my younger sister at her school, which is my old high school. My boyfriend is still a senior there. At times it is awkward going there but at the same time very comfortable. I brought my (old) teacher  a lot of buckets for the upcoming carnival for the little kids. I enjoy bringing her to school 1, because I remember how horrible bus rides were. So I never rode it. Actually I rode it 2yrs in middle school, because my mom could not drop me off. And secondly I get to see my Bert. It is weird being in a relationship, not because it is uncomfortable. More like it is a different experience. I never really had a relationship until my senior year. It really isn't hard balancing my priorities. My number one priority is finishing school. Hey, I realized that my typing isn't as bad as I thought. I still have to look at the keys at times. Back to Bert. He really is an extremely wonderful person, cute, good husband material( not that I am thinking about that right now) It's just that it really is hard to find someone genuinely nice and sincere to everyone, and especially you. I think it just sucks that he is my first true relationship. Because, the old notion that the first most likely isn't the last. Only time will tell. It's about 10:02 and I didn't go to work today. Instead, I am doing this lovely assignment. Excuse my typing, I am not that good. Oh, I know what else I am thinking. My big 18 B-Day is coming up, and my dad is still holding strict control over me. Like I am twelve all over again. He doesn't realize that I am growing up and staying home this year doesn't help. Although, I love my home and mother. I only wish certain straining attitudes would alter. My first class today is math 305G. oh, boy! My teacher is actually, pretty nice. Right now it  is much more of a review, and my homework assignment is due today also. There were only actually a few problems that I quite couldn't recall. I just have to practice on more problems. I am not at all surprised of my needed review. The problems were wonderful word problems which I have never seemed to master without practice. Well look here it is three minutes past my 20 minutes. and these people are becoming a little antsy (I think that is how you spell it) about time limits. Oh, if you actually do read any parts of these assignment  I HOPE YOU ARE READING THIS BECAUSE I JUST WAS THINKING THAT YOUR CLASS IS ACTUALLY ENJOYABLE. AND I HOPE TO MEET ONE DAY NEXT WEEK, INSTEAD OF BEING A NUMBER IN YOUR 50000000 PERSON CLASS. (JUST A LITTLE PLAY WITH NUMBERS) Adios, till we meet again for the next writing assignment. Which I'll do tomorrow, because we can't do 2 in one day. Bye                            WRITING ASSIGNMENT 1                             433613201 ",Emotions: Curiosity,"I honestly have no earthly idea. I just woke up about 2 hours ago. Drop off my younger sister at her school, which is my old high school. My boyfriend is still a senior there. At times it is awkward going there but at the same time very comfortable. I brought my (old) teacher  a lot of buckets for the upcoming carnival for the little kids. I enjoy bringing her to school 1, because I remember how horrible bus rides were. So I never rode it. Actually I rode it 2yrs in middle school, because my mom could not drop me off. And secondly I get to see my Bert. It is weird being in a relationship, not because it is uncomfortable. More like it is a different experience. I never really had a relationship until my senior year. It really isn't hard balancing my priorities. My number one priority is finishing school. Hey, I realized that my typing isn't as bad as I thought. I still have to look at the keys at times. Back to Bert. He really is an extremely wonderful person, cute, good husband material( not that I am thinking about that right now) It's just that it really is hard to find someone genuinely nice and sincere to everyone, and especially you. I think it just sucks that he is my first true relationship. Because, the old notion that the first most likely isn't the last. Only time will tell. It's about 10:02 and I didn't go to work today. Instead, I am doing this lovely assignment. Excuse my typing, I am not that good. Oh, I know what else I am thinking. My big 18 B-Day is coming up, and my dad is still holding strict control over me. Like I am twelve all over again. He doesn't realize that I am growing up and staying home this year doesn't help. Although, I love my home and mother. I only wish certain straining attitudes would alter. My first class today is math 305G. oh, boy! My teacher is actually, pretty nice. Right now it  is much more of a review, and my homework assignment is due today also. There were only actually a few problems that I quite couldn't recall. I just have to practice on more problems. I am not at all surprised of my needed review. The problems were wonderful word problems which I have never seemed to master without practice. Well look here it is three minutes past my 20 minutes. and these people are becoming a little antsy (I think that is how you spell it) about time limits. Oh, if you actually do read any parts of these assignment  I HOPE YOU ARE READING THIS BECAUSE I JUST WAS THINKING THAT YOUR CLASS IS ACTUALLY ENJOYABLE. AND I HOPE TO MEET ONE DAY NEXT WEEK, INSTEAD OF BEING A NUMBER IN YOUR 50000000 PERSON CLASS. (JUST A LITTLE PLAY WITH NUMBERS) Adios, till we meet again for the next writing assignment. Which I'll do tomorrow, because we can't do 2 in one day. Bye                            WRITING ASSIGNMENT 1                             433613201 ",Emotions,Curiosity
1999_869069.txt,"Well here I am sitting at the computer typing very badly as always, constantly hitting the backspace key. I just rebought my books from varsity books online becuase some of or rather one of the books I have is signifigantly cheaper there and then I registered for some sweepstakes tat they have- like I could ever win one of those things but you never know in eighth grade at the going away dance only for eighth graders I won a bag of blowpops huge bag and I never ate most of them they sat in my desk drawer for a long time and then as a periodically clean my desk drawer I would find one and throw it away. My roomate is on her computer too typing awaay talking to her boyfriend she is so dedicated she already finished all her homework already I'm still just kind of trudging along. I'm really tired its time to go to bed I wonder if I should take advil because I had my wisdom teeth out on friday but I'm really tolerant to pain so I never even took the perscription pain medication- but I have no idea if anything is wrong because I just sort of ignore the pain. After I finish this I am going to take a shower we talked with our suite mates about the bathroom and stuff my roomate is talking to me about having a place to stay for her boyfriend over labor day she doesn't know who of her friends will be here so he might stay in our dorm but I know that they won't do anything I'm probably going home because I live here in austin then he can stay in my bed if he wants it won't bother me he's a nice guy- I have only known jenny for 5 days and it seems so much longer we really get along pretty well we come from similar backgrounds too. We both grew up in the US with parents from Taiwan so we have similar backgrounds. I filled out that survey it was so strange and so long. The pre-test thing. I'm just an all over goody goody so it was interesting to think of people filling it out diffeently with their true lives I'm such an innocent and I don't see people doing bad things liek drinking or having sex and abortions. One of our suite mates rushed and she got into ZTA and some of her sorority sisters are taking her out tonight and I asked where she was going and she said to some frat parties and she was going to come back completely hammered it made me wonder because it's the first day of school and she has an 8:30 class tommorow but oh well it's not might life or my concern. this room is so cold. and she seems so smart to she took all the AP classes and I think she was on drill team too. And she has a bum of a boyfriend or something like that it seems like everyone has a boyfriend but me but thats ok I don't need a guy to make me happy even though I would like a boyfriend- I've never had one before that is so strange but that's ok. I saw a lot of people from high school so far well not a whole lot but that's ok. There are a few of us from church here also Clement who is in this class too was supposed to come help me update my differentials on norton or something- my brother like ICQed me and told me to do it at least once a week I had no ide what he was talking about and I tried to do it. I can't believe I have so much to do already I have a lot of classes I thought it would kind of be like high school but I don't think so I saw a few people around campus that I know from church it was really weird thinking I knew them and stuff and seeing them- you can tell all the freshman on campust because they walk around with maps in there hands and they get to class about 15 minutes early but that won't last long- especially those 8 o'clock classes oh I think I need to charge my cell phone I'm not sure oh well. well I think my twenty minutes is up and I'm about to completely fall asleep and one of my suitemates is in the bathroom so I guess I could read sociology until she is done but. well good night. ",Social Awareness: Non-judgmental,"Well here I am sitting at the computer typing very badly as always, constantly hitting the backspace key. I just rebought my books from varsity books online becuase some of or rather one of the books I have is signifigantly cheaper there and then I registered for some sweepstakes tat they have- like I could ever win one of those things but you never know in eighth grade at the going away dance only for eighth graders I won a bag of blowpops huge bag and I never ate most of them they sat in my desk drawer for a long time and then as a periodically clean my desk drawer I would find one and throw it away. My roomate is on her computer too typing awaay talking to her boyfriend she is so dedicated she already finished all her homework already I'm still just kind of trudging along. I'm really tired its time to go to bed I wonder if I should take advil because I had my wisdom teeth out on friday but I'm really tolerant to pain so I never even took the perscription pain medication- but I have no idea if anything is wrong because I just sort of ignore the pain. After I finish this I am going to take a shower we talked with our suite mates about the bathroom and stuff my roomate is talking to me about having a place to stay for her boyfriend over labor day she doesn't know who of her friends will be here so he might stay in our dorm but I know that they won't do anything I'm probably going home because I live here in austin then he can stay in my bed if he wants it won't bother me he's a nice guy- I have only known jenny for 5 days and it seems so much longer we really get along pretty well we come from similar backgrounds too. We both grew up in the US with parents from Taiwan so we have similar backgrounds. I filled out that survey it was so strange and so long. The pre-test thing. I'm just an all over goody goody so it was interesting to think of people filling it out diffeently with their true lives I'm such an innocent and I don't see people doing bad things liek drinking or having sex and abortions. One of our suite mates rushed and she got into ZTA and some of her sorority sisters are taking her out tonight and I asked where she was going and she said to some frat parties and she was going to come back completely hammered it made me wonder because it's the first day of school and she has an 8:30 class tommorow but oh well it's not might life or my concern. this room is so cold. and she seems so smart to she took all the AP classes and I think she was on drill team too. And she has a bum of a boyfriend or something like that it seems like everyone has a boyfriend but me but thats ok I don't need a guy to make me happy even though I would like a boyfriend- I've never had one before that is so strange but that's ok. I saw a lot of people from high school so far well not a whole lot but that's ok. There are a few of us from church here also Clement who is in this class too was supposed to come help me update my differentials on norton or something- my brother like ICQed me and told me to do it at least once a week I had no ide what he was talking about and I tried to do it. I can't believe I have so much to do already I have a lot of classes I thought it would kind of be like high school but I don't think so I saw a few people around campus that I know from church it was really weird thinking I knew them and stuff and seeing them- you can tell all the freshman on campust because they walk around with maps in there hands and they get to class about 15 minutes early but that won't last long- especially those 8 o'clock classes oh I think I need to charge my cell phone I'm not sure oh well. well I think my twenty minutes is up and I'm about to completely fall asleep and one of my suitemates is in the bathroom so I guess I could read sociology until she is done but. well good night. ",Social Awareness,Non-judgmental
2000_917531.txt,"What I feel is that I have disappointed myself so far this semester. I planned on being so much more organized than I actually am. I look around my room and my desk and get really annoyed at myself. I think I am missing something in terms of college academic life. I feel that I should be stressed and overwhelmed because those have been my feelings for the past couple of years. In high school, I was always trying to outdo myself and get more involved. By the time my senior year came around, I was so involved in clubs and classes that I was burnt out before 1st semester was even over. Every class I took was based on the recommended courses for UT. Every club I joined was so I could put several different activities on my application. Now that I am in college, I wonder if I am serious about my major, Theatre and Dance. Don't get me wrong, I love performing, and in an ideal world, I would become a regular on Broadway. But I always secondguess my goals and the reality of them actually coming true. I have performed literally since I could walk and talk. I haven't appeared on any major stages or on television, but performing has always been a really significant part of my life. It has shaped me into the person I am now. I just keep thinking. ""is this really feasible or not. "" It is one of the few things that I am good at and have been successful in. I suppose I went into the College of Fine Arts because fine arts are so familiar and comfortable for me. I actually thought of becoming a clinical psychologist or a social worker for the latter part of my high school life; I even took a semester of psychology last year. But I came to this conclusion: I have too many problems of my own that I can barely deal with, so how on earth could I solve anyone else's problems? The answer: I could not. I don't know. I guess I will get more into the routine as the weeks roll by. Hopefully, I will be successful at UT. Time can only tell. ",Social Awareness: Consideration for Others,"What I feel is that I have disappointed myself so far this semester. I planned on being so much more organized than I actually am. I look around my room and my desk and get really annoyed at myself. I think I am missing something in terms of college academic life. I feel that I should be stressed and overwhelmed because those have been my feelings for the past couple of years. In high school, I was always trying to outdo myself and get more involved. By the time my senior year came around, I was so involved in clubs and classes that I was burnt out before 1st semester was even over. Every class I took was based on the recommended courses for UT. Every club I joined was so I could put several different activities on my application. Now that I am in college, I wonder if I am serious about my major, Theatre and Dance. Don't get me wrong, I love performing, and in an ideal world, I would become a regular on Broadway. But I always secondguess my goals and the reality of them actually coming true. I have performed literally since I could walk and talk. I haven't appeared on any major stages or on television, but performing has always been a really significant part of my life. It has shaped me into the person I am now. I just keep thinking. ""is this really feasible or not. "" It is one of the few things that I am good at and have been successful in. I suppose I went into the College of Fine Arts because fine arts are so familiar and comfortable for me. I actually thought of becoming a clinical psychologist or a social worker for the latter part of my high school life; I even took a semester of psychology last year. But I came to this conclusion: I have too many problems of my own that I can barely deal with, so how on earth could I solve anyone else's problems? The answer: I could not. I don't know. I guess I will get more into the routine as the weeks roll by. Hopefully, I will be successful at UT. Time can only tell. ",Social Awareness,Consideration for Others
2002_673493.txt,"     So I started my college life about two weeks ago. It has all gone pretty much as to what I had expected it to be like. I live in University Towers which is an off campus dorm and I have met tons of new people. I live with four girls whom I didnt know when I first started school. Some older people at the University set us up. I really like the fact that we are all starting new with each other. We get to experience our new life together. We get along great and do everything together. I am also really enjoying the fact that I get to make all my decisions on my own. Not having parents around all the time has its up's and it's downs. I mean I don't have someone annoying me all the time about finishing my work I have to realize when it has to be turned in and different deadlines for tests and projects. I have however found it kind of difficult to really take on a full schedule and truly realize everything that has to be taken care of in one full day. I have noticed that there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything completly finished. With homework, reading, running errands and outside activites there is so much to do with so little time. My roomate and I have had grown very close over the past two weeks. We have developed many habbits that we both enjoy. We realized that it takes the longest for the two of us to get ready and we love listening to music while we get ready because it pumps us up and gets us excited. I feel that the two of us are only going to get closer as our college life unfolds itself. We both experienced Texas Recruitment together. We both wanted to join the same sorority so that we could have another aspect of our life in college together to be the same. We accomplished another goal of us and we both got bids to the same sorority. I feel at home whenever I am at the house. Each and every girl is excited with open arms to welcome all 63 of the new pledges. I am so glad that not only are we roomates with each other we are sorority sisters as well. Other than my social life and living arrangements at school, the most important aspect is my education. I am taking 4 classes which comes out to 14 hours. I chose the classes that I wanted to take and the first two weeks have gone great. The work load started off fine and I think that I am going to be able to handle everything. I was a little nervous at first about the large classes because I came from a high school that was a decent size but the classes ranged from 10-35 people. My classes at Texas on the other hand were quite large. I didnt know if I was going to be able to concentrate during a lecture if there were on average 100-300 people in the classes. As soon as one day passed I knew it wouldnt be a problem as long as I got to class early so that I would have a decent seat and be able to listen as closly as I could. As these last two weeks have flown by I have realized differnt tecniques to make the rest of my experiences at Texas even better. I have learned from my mistakes and I have gained from my experiences.                       ",Social Awareness: Responsibility,"     So I started my college life about two weeks ago. It has all gone pretty much as to what I had expected it to be like. I live in University Towers which is an off campus dorm and I have met tons of new people. I live with four girls whom I didnt know when I first started school. Some older people at the University set us up. I really like the fact that we are all starting new with each other. We get to experience our new life together. We get along great and do everything together. I am also really enjoying the fact that I get to make all my decisions on my own. Not having parents around all the time has its up's and it's downs. I mean I don't have someone annoying me all the time about finishing my work I have to realize when it has to be turned in and different deadlines for tests and projects. I have however found it kind of difficult to really take on a full schedule and truly realize everything that has to be taken care of in one full day. I have noticed that there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything completly finished. With homework, reading, running errands and outside activites there is so much to do with so little time. My roomate and I have had grown very close over the past two weeks. We have developed many habbits that we both enjoy. We realized that it takes the longest for the two of us to get ready and we love listening to music while we get ready because it pumps us up and gets us excited. I feel that the two of us are only going to get closer as our college life unfolds itself. We both experienced Texas Recruitment together. We both wanted to join the same sorority so that we could have another aspect of our life in college together to be the same. We accomplished another goal of us and we both got bids to the same sorority. I feel at home whenever I am at the house. Each and every girl is excited with open arms to welcome all 63 of the new pledges. I am so glad that not only are we roomates with each other we are sorority sisters as well. Other than my social life and living arrangements at school, the most important aspect is my education. I am taking 4 classes which comes out to 14 hours. I chose the classes that I wanted to take and the first two weeks have gone great. The work load started off fine and I think that I am going to be able to handle everything. I was a little nervous at first about the large classes because I came from a high school that was a decent size but the classes ranged from 10-35 people. My classes at Texas on the other hand were quite large. I didnt know if I was going to be able to concentrate during a lecture if there were on average 100-300 people in the classes. As soon as one day passed I knew it wouldnt be a problem as long as I got to class early so that I would have a decent seat and be able to listen as closly as I could. As these last two weeks have flown by I have realized differnt tecniques to make the rest of my experiences at Texas even better. I have learned from my mistakes and I have gained from my experiences.                       ",Social Awareness,Responsibility
2003_240.txt,"ok. so I am suppose to be writing for twenty minutes. well, this will be good typing practice. except in keyboarding class, we were told what to type. so this might be a problem. this seat is bothering me. it's hard to get comfortable in it. its really low as well. and these stupid wheels. they don't let me stay in one place. hmm. its a good thing I don't have wheels on the bottom of my chair for my desk. although I don't know how big of a problem it would be to have wheels on that chair. because in my room, I have carpet. this is a tiled floor, so that is why the chair is so rolly. when I sit on my roommate's chair, it doesn't move so much. so that must be it. it must be because of the carpet. oh, there goes my stomach. I'm hungry. but I don't want to eat till moiz calls. once moiz and omiar come over, I can order the pizza. but the problem with that, is that I am hungry now. I want to eat now. maybe something small when I get home. but knowing me, my small snack will turn into a meal. oh well. I can wait. I guess. I wonder if they think its cheap that I'm inviting them over on monday. this way I order the cheap monday madness pizza. but I guess its not really a big deal. I was going to invite them over soon. I want my computer up and running asap. I can't believe uncle hafeez gave me a nice new cpu. that is so awesome. but then again, that might lead to problems of me doing less studying, and more downloading songs online. I hope bilal and them come tomorrow. I mean, we don't want to be waiting for them every day, waiting for uncle's call to say oh, well we still couldn't book the tickets, so they will be coming tomorrow. hmm. I smell smoke. but that can't be right. who, no what idiot would be smoking in a building. well, I guess its not that much of an idiotic thing to do. I mean, lots of people do smoke, but I just wouldn't assume that they would be smoking inside a building. ohh kay. now my hands are getting tired. I don't think I was suppose to be typing nonstop for twenty minutes. was I? oh well. that's what I'm doing. haha I can't believe I was so stupid today. I have been going to urdu class at 12 for over a week. what exactly in my mind made me go to class at one. and thank goodness it was ten minutes before one. if I had gotten there right on time, I would have felt like such and idiot walking into class late. especially in a class that wasn't mine! it's a good thing I went and talked to the professor. she is awesome! I really didn't think that she would let me sign in. I came way after the bell rang! anyways, that makes two days of udru homework to do before wednesday. but then again, I have more important things to worry about besides my urdu homework. I have that stupid quiz in english tomorrow. when did all these quizzes come up. it seems like yesterday was only the first day of class. I guess summer went my pretty fast for me. wow. it really did. pakistan was awesome. I don't think I have ever had so much fun in the million times that we went there, not as much as I had this time. and saqib, rashid, and khurram. they are as cool as they have always been. I like the fact that we are all still cool. well, it took a while for us all to open up, but at least we did. and I'm upset with raza. I didn't realize till a little towards the end, that his walkman never left his ears. I don't know, does he not understand? or does he not care? because if he does not care, he shouldn't be coming. that is really bad. and think of what everyone else thought. I'm sure they minded too. ohh. a minute and a half left. weird. it does not seem like I have been typing for twenty minutes straight. I guess this wasn't so bad after all. I wonder what happens after my time is up. will I not be able to type anything else? well, I will find out in 40 seconds. now after this, I got to pick up my I'D from the business school, then. then I dunno. I could either go to the library and finish up my reading, which would be the smart thing to do, or I could go home and study"". but that will never work. hmm, I think I just answered my own question. ",Emotions: Curiosity,"ok. so I am suppose to be writing for twenty minutes. well, this will be good typing practice. except in keyboarding class, we were told what to type. so this might be a problem. this seat is bothering me. it's hard to get comfortable in it. its really low as well. and these stupid wheels. they don't let me stay in one place. hmm. its a good thing I don't have wheels on the bottom of my chair for my desk. although I don't know how big of a problem it would be to have wheels on that chair. because in my room, I have carpet. this is a tiled floor, so that is why the chair is so rolly. when I sit on my roommate's chair, it doesn't move so much. so that must be it. it must be because of the carpet. oh, there goes my stomach. I'm hungry. but I don't want to eat till moiz calls. once moiz and omiar come over, I can order the pizza. but the problem with that, is that I am hungry now. I want to eat now. maybe something small when I get home. but knowing me, my small snack will turn into a meal. oh well. I can wait. I guess. I wonder if they think its cheap that I'm inviting them over on monday. this way I order the cheap monday madness pizza. but I guess its not really a big deal. I was going to invite them over soon. I want my computer up and running asap. I can't believe uncle hafeez gave me a nice new cpu. that is so awesome. but then again, that might lead to problems of me doing less studying, and more downloading songs online. I hope bilal and them come tomorrow. I mean, we don't want to be waiting for them every day, waiting for uncle's call to say oh, well we still couldn't book the tickets, so they will be coming tomorrow. hmm. I smell smoke. but that can't be right. who, no what idiot would be smoking in a building. well, I guess its not that much of an idiotic thing to do. I mean, lots of people do smoke, but I just wouldn't assume that they would be smoking inside a building. ohh kay. now my hands are getting tired. I don't think I was suppose to be typing nonstop for twenty minutes. was I? oh well. that's what I'm doing. haha I can't believe I was so stupid today. I have been going to urdu class at 12 for over a week. what exactly in my mind made me go to class at one. and thank goodness it was ten minutes before one. if I had gotten there right on time, I would have felt like such and idiot walking into class late. especially in a class that wasn't mine! it's a good thing I went and talked to the professor. she is awesome! I really didn't think that she would let me sign in. I came way after the bell rang! anyways, that makes two days of udru homework to do before wednesday. but then again, I have more important things to worry about besides my urdu homework. I have that stupid quiz in english tomorrow. when did all these quizzes come up. it seems like yesterday was only the first day of class. I guess summer went my pretty fast for me. wow. it really did. pakistan was awesome. I don't think I have ever had so much fun in the million times that we went there, not as much as I had this time. and saqib, rashid, and khurram. they are as cool as they have always been. I like the fact that we are all still cool. well, it took a while for us all to open up, but at least we did. and I'm upset with raza. I didn't realize till a little towards the end, that his walkman never left his ears. I don't know, does he not understand? or does he not care? because if he does not care, he shouldn't be coming. that is really bad. and think of what everyone else thought. I'm sure they minded too. ohh. a minute and a half left. weird. it does not seem like I have been typing for twenty minutes straight. I guess this wasn't so bad after all. I wonder what happens after my time is up. will I not be able to type anything else? well, I will find out in 40 seconds. now after this, I got to pick up my I'D from the business school, then. then I dunno. I could either go to the library and finish up my reading, which would be the smart thing to do, or I could go home and study"". but that will never work. hmm, I think I just answered my own question. ",Emotions,Curiosity
2004_249.txt,"It's a bit past 4 pm on a Sunday, and I only just woke up a while ago. So here I am, writing a psychology paper which has no definite topic as such. I usually listen to laid back electronic-type music when I do papers, which is what I'm doing now. I feel it helps me free up my mind, and help me think more clearly. I don't know how this paper is going to end up, or whether I'm writing what I'm supposed to, but I suppose that's the point of the exercise. So - tracking my thoughts. Well first off I just realized how annoying the timer at the top of the page is. Watching it tick away while thinking of something to write (which shouldn't be a problem anyway since I'm supposed to write what I'm thinking and not the other way around) just seems to get on my nerves a bit. I wonder what the rest of the writing assignments this semester will be like though. They need to fix this page up though, it didn't work in my primary web browser, Mozilla Firefox, and I don't like Internet Explorer all that much. Oh, the music just changed, it's a bit faster and slightly more aggressive now. I got myself some candy too, though I probably shouldn't have since I'll be having lunch in a bit. It's getting a bit warmer in here, someone probably increased the air conditioner temperature again. And now my roommate is playing basketball outside in the living room. One of these days I think he's going to break something. 10 minutes and the clock's ticking. I really should get some work done today. I pretty much wasted the last two days, but hey, what are three day weekends for? I've got some Math and CS homework, as well as a freshman seminar paper. Math's an interesting class even if it is too easy. Not to sound self deluded, but I do think I know more calculus than most people in that class, at least so far. Computer Science is a different story though. The class is a bit harder than I expected it to be, but nothing beyond me. A little googling and I should easily be able to look up anything I don't already know and complete the assignment. Java isn't really one of my strengths, but that doesn't mean I can't make it one. I like psychology though, at first I thought it would be impersonal and intimidating because of the sheer number of students in it but that's changed. 17 minutes. I just have to continuously keep looking at the timer. And the music just stepped up, now it's a bit faster than before. And I actually got this paper done! I'm so proud of myself!  well, not really, but I'm glad I got it done anyway. And now my mind's a blank really. Looks like my time's up. Did I mention I hate popups? Time to click the finish button. ",Emotions: Curiosity,"It's a bit past 4 pm on a Sunday, and I only just woke up a while ago. So here I am, writing a psychology paper which has no definite topic as such. I usually listen to laid back electronic-type music when I do papers, which is what I'm doing now. I feel it helps me free up my mind, and help me think more clearly. I don't know how this paper is going to end up, or whether I'm writing what I'm supposed to, but I suppose that's the point of the exercise. So - tracking my thoughts. Well first off I just realized how annoying the timer at the top of the page is. Watching it tick away while thinking of something to write (which shouldn't be a problem anyway since I'm supposed to write what I'm thinking and not the other way around) just seems to get on my nerves a bit. I wonder what the rest of the writing assignments this semester will be like though. They need to fix this page up though, it didn't work in my primary web browser, Mozilla Firefox, and I don't like Internet Explorer all that much. Oh, the music just changed, it's a bit faster and slightly more aggressive now. I got myself some candy too, though I probably shouldn't have since I'll be having lunch in a bit. It's getting a bit warmer in here, someone probably increased the air conditioner temperature again. And now my roommate is playing basketball outside in the living room. One of these days I think he's going to break something. 10 minutes and the clock's ticking. I really should get some work done today. I pretty much wasted the last two days, but hey, what are three day weekends for? I've got some Math and CS homework, as well as a freshman seminar paper. Math's an interesting class even if it is too easy. Not to sound self deluded, but I do think I know more calculus than most people in that class, at least so far. Computer Science is a different story though. The class is a bit harder than I expected it to be, but nothing beyond me. A little googling and I should easily be able to look up anything I don't already know and complete the assignment. Java isn't really one of my strengths, but that doesn't mean I can't make it one. I like psychology though, at first I thought it would be impersonal and intimidating because of the sheer number of students in it but that's changed. 17 minutes. I just have to continuously keep looking at the timer. And the music just stepped up, now it's a bit faster than before. And I actually got this paper done! I'm so proud of myself!  well, not really, but I'm glad I got it done anyway. And now my mind's a blank really. Looks like my time's up. Did I mention I hate popups? Time to click the finish button. ",Emotions,Curiosity
2003_265.txt,"I am sitting here with my feet on my subwoofer. I should be reading psychology, my webcam isn't on right now. Jars of Clay is a good band. I don't really have much to write. Maybe I should go to the sophomore versus freshmen football game at Clark's Field right now, but I'm doing this instead. Justin Shih just IMed me. Justin told me to go play football because this assignment isn't due until the 12th and today is the 6th. I think I'm scared about falling behind in college. I've done all my calculus HW the day they came out. I never was this diligent in high school. I have nasty cough, it's been like this for a few weeks now. I hope it gets better. Two of my best friends are in Houston, I don't really have much to do without them here. I'm hungry, haven't eaten breakfast or lunch. God is bigger than the air I breathe, the world we'll leave. This is a song by Delirious?, a band from the UK. I slept in this dorm last night by myself the first time. I miss my parents and my brother. My brother is working in California, and for the first time I feel how much everything has changed. I miss my parents, they have done so much for me. I want to do well in college so that their money doesn't go to waste. I love you mom, dad. I feel a little sad that I can't see my parents whenever I want now. I can't eat dinner every night with them like I used to last year. My neck hurts. I wish I was playing warcraft III right now. I don't understand this assignment. Maybe further on in the course it'll make more sense but right now this makes none to me. These thoughts are not at all coherent. I hope I do okay on my economics quiz on monday. My poker book and chips still haven't arrived yet. I ordered them last week too. I wish people would send me care packages. My roommate just received a birthday present/care package from his girlfriend. I wish I had someone who would send me things. I've written a lot. I wonder if all the papers turned in are this long. This must suck for the TA to read. 400 students turning in non-sensical and incoherent papers. There's that cough again. I wish I could control it. My hands are tired from typing constantly. This assignment sure is long, 10 more minutes to go. I hope I get an A in psychology. if I beg for an A in this paper I wonder if it'll help. Just 9 more minutes to go. I can't think of anything else to write. Maybe this music is throwing off my concentration. Jars of Clay is now playing. they're a good band. Didn't I write about them earlier? Oh well. People don't call me, I wish someone calls me. I'm tired, I could use a nap although I woke up at 1:30 today. I wonder what Michael, one of my best friends, is doing. I should go to his room after this. Just 7 more minutes. I can't wait until this thing is over. Time sure goes by slowly when you're counting it down. I need to go to sleep early tonight, got to wake up early tomorrow. EV Free church is good. I need to check out Austin Chinese Church too though, to see how each compares to each other. I need to do my quiet time today, before I forget. Sometimes I feel like such an inadequate Christian, I have so many failures. I guess no one is perfect. I wonder what my brother's doing right now. It's 1 o'clock or so in California. I wonder if he likes it there. I wonder if I really like it in Austin. or if it's just an illusion. I think I like it here. I have friends, I think, things to do. I don't know. It's all so confusing. Sometimes I just want to hermit and not have social contact at all. I like to live in a big city such as New York because it's busy, but yet I don't' like loitering in big crowds or hanging around large groups of people. I wonder if that's weird, or maybe I just feel inadequate around large groups of people who I don't know. Like last night at CBS I didn't know a lot of people and I drifted from group to group loitering but did not feel like I belonged. Just 3 more minutes left to go in this assignment. It cannot go by any slower. I should go eat something after this. But then dinner is coming up soon. I hope I have time to get some more studying done this afternoon, or maybe tonight. I wonder if this is the longest paper turned in. probably not, there're some girls who can write nonstop. They probably double the length of what I wrote. I wonder if I am even doing this assignment correctly, I don't know how to track my thoughts or feelings, it's like I'm writing in a journal. Oh well. I can't be penalized for trying. just 30 more seconds to go. let's count it down    30    29    28    27    26    25    24    23    22    21    20    19    18    17    16    15    14    13    12    10    9    8    7    6    5    4    3    2    1    done ",Emotions: Sadness,"I am sitting here with my feet on my subwoofer. I should be reading psychology, my webcam isn't on right now. Jars of Clay is a good band. I don't really have much to write. Maybe I should go to the sophomore versus freshmen football game at Clark's Field right now, but I'm doing this instead. Justin Shih just IMed me. Justin told me to go play football because this assignment isn't due until the 12th and today is the 6th. I think I'm scared about falling behind in college. I've done all my calculus HW the day they came out. I never was this diligent in high school. I have nasty cough, it's been like this for a few weeks now. I hope it gets better. Two of my best friends are in Houston, I don't really have much to do without them here. I'm hungry, haven't eaten breakfast or lunch. God is bigger than the air I breathe, the world we'll leave. This is a song by Delirious?, a band from the UK. I slept in this dorm last night by myself the first time. I miss my parents and my brother. My brother is working in California, and for the first time I feel how much everything has changed. I miss my parents, they have done so much for me. I want to do well in college so that their money doesn't go to waste. I love you mom, dad. I feel a little sad that I can't see my parents whenever I want now. I can't eat dinner every night with them like I used to last year. My neck hurts. I wish I was playing warcraft III right now. I don't understand this assignment. Maybe further on in the course it'll make more sense but right now this makes none to me. These thoughts are not at all coherent. I hope I do okay on my economics quiz on monday. My poker book and chips still haven't arrived yet. I ordered them last week too. I wish people would send me care packages. My roommate just received a birthday present/care package from his girlfriend. I wish I had someone who would send me things. I've written a lot. I wonder if all the papers turned in are this long. This must suck for the TA to read. 400 students turning in non-sensical and incoherent papers. There's that cough again. I wish I could control it. My hands are tired from typing constantly. This assignment sure is long, 10 more minutes to go. I hope I get an A in psychology. if I beg for an A in this paper I wonder if it'll help. Just 9 more minutes to go. I can't think of anything else to write. Maybe this music is throwing off my concentration. Jars of Clay is now playing. they're a good band. Didn't I write about them earlier? Oh well. People don't call me, I wish someone calls me. I'm tired, I could use a nap although I woke up at 1:30 today. I wonder what Michael, one of my best friends, is doing. I should go to his room after this. Just 7 more minutes. I can't wait until this thing is over. Time sure goes by slowly when you're counting it down. I need to go to sleep early tonight, got to wake up early tomorrow. EV Free church is good. I need to check out Austin Chinese Church too though, to see how each compares to each other. I need to do my quiet time today, before I forget. Sometimes I feel like such an inadequate Christian, I have so many failures. I guess no one is perfect. I wonder what my brother's doing right now. It's 1 o'clock or so in California. I wonder if he likes it there. I wonder if I really like it in Austin. or if it's just an illusion. I think I like it here. I have friends, I think, things to do. I don't know. It's all so confusing. Sometimes I just want to hermit and not have social contact at all. I like to live in a big city such as New York because it's busy, but yet I don't' like loitering in big crowds or hanging around large groups of people. I wonder if that's weird, or maybe I just feel inadequate around large groups of people who I don't know. Like last night at CBS I didn't know a lot of people and I drifted from group to group loitering but did not feel like I belonged. Just 3 more minutes left to go in this assignment. It cannot go by any slower. I should go eat something after this. But then dinner is coming up soon. I hope I have time to get some more studying done this afternoon, or maybe tonight. I wonder if this is the longest paper turned in. probably not, there're some girls who can write nonstop. They probably double the length of what I wrote. I wonder if I am even doing this assignment correctly, I don't know how to track my thoughts or feelings, it's like I'm writing in a journal. Oh well. I can't be penalized for trying. just 30 more seconds to go. let's count it down    30    29    28    27    26    25    24    23    22    21    20    19    18    17    16    15    14    13    12    10    9    8    7    6    5    4    3    2    1    done ",Emotions,Sadness
1999_676943.txt,"I'm going nuts. I haven't gotten anything done today except a shower. I didn't get my parking permit. I really need to get that so I can have my car on campus. That would make my commute to work in north Austin a lot less painful. I can't stand riding the bus back and forth. I never know exactly when the bus will arrive. If I'm not there right on time, I get stuck for another half hour or so. I just really want my car here. I also didn't get my Physics books returned. They cost me approximately $200, and they're doing me no good. I'm being booted out of my physics class cause I didn't take calculus. I didn't know until last week that calculus was even a prerequisite. That's ok, though. I didn't really want to take physics this semester anyways. I kinda like this basic, cool class schedule I have. I did get in touch with the guy in charge of the anthropology department, so I can add that cultural anthropology class that I wanted. I hope that will be a cool class. I hope I'm not really far behind since I missed the first two weeks of class. It sounds interesting though. I need to get this class to stay a full-time student. If I'm not, my financial aid will disappear. I also need to get a work/study job for my financial aid. That's another thing I could have done today, but didn't. I went in for an interview at the counseling and mental health center with a Laurel Patterson, but she never showed up. That was very discouraging. There are a few others that I'm interested in. I like the idea of doing nothing for $6. 74/hour. I could be an Entrance Monitor at the Texas Swim Center. Weee! What fun. I don't think that will happen though. I just would like to have a job on campus so I can walk there rather than having to take a bus there or to my car and then drive there. That would be so much of a hassle. And, knowing me, I'd be late a lot. I just wish I could work somewhere on campus. It would make my life easier. I will miss my current job at Sunglass Outfitters. I really like my boss, and my co-workers are pretty cool. I also work right next door to a Thundercloud Subs where I get free food when the night manager's there. He's a really cool guy. He has had a glass eye since he was 2. He's got some crazy stories about that eye. One time when he was 7 he replaced the eye with a cherry, stem and all. He scared the hell out of his grandmother because the stem was just sticking out of his head. It was pretty funny. His girlfriend one time made the mistake of asking him to keep an eye on her books. You can just imagine. He's cool. I will miss hanging out with all of those guys at the arboretum. Oh, well. Maybe things will be cool at my new work/study job. Whenever it is that I find one, that is. I should probably get going. Maybe I can still return my Physics books. It's not too late, I don't think. The other things I have to do can wait until tomorrow. But not much later than that. Oh well, everything will be ok. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I'm going nuts. I haven't gotten anything done today except a shower. I didn't get my parking permit. I really need to get that so I can have my car on campus. That would make my commute to work in north Austin a lot less painful. I can't stand riding the bus back and forth. I never know exactly when the bus will arrive. If I'm not there right on time, I get stuck for another half hour or so. I just really want my car here. I also didn't get my Physics books returned. They cost me approximately $200, and they're doing me no good. I'm being booted out of my physics class cause I didn't take calculus. I didn't know until last week that calculus was even a prerequisite. That's ok, though. I didn't really want to take physics this semester anyways. I kinda like this basic, cool class schedule I have. I did get in touch with the guy in charge of the anthropology department, so I can add that cultural anthropology class that I wanted. I hope that will be a cool class. I hope I'm not really far behind since I missed the first two weeks of class. It sounds interesting though. I need to get this class to stay a full-time student. If I'm not, my financial aid will disappear. I also need to get a work/study job for my financial aid. That's another thing I could have done today, but didn't. I went in for an interview at the counseling and mental health center with a Laurel Patterson, but she never showed up. That was very discouraging. There are a few others that I'm interested in. I like the idea of doing nothing for $6. 74/hour. I could be an Entrance Monitor at the Texas Swim Center. Weee! What fun. I don't think that will happen though. I just would like to have a job on campus so I can walk there rather than having to take a bus there or to my car and then drive there. That would be so much of a hassle. And, knowing me, I'd be late a lot. I just wish I could work somewhere on campus. It would make my life easier. I will miss my current job at Sunglass Outfitters. I really like my boss, and my co-workers are pretty cool. I also work right next door to a Thundercloud Subs where I get free food when the night manager's there. He's a really cool guy. He has had a glass eye since he was 2. He's got some crazy stories about that eye. One time when he was 7 he replaced the eye with a cherry, stem and all. He scared the hell out of his grandmother because the stem was just sticking out of his head. It was pretty funny. His girlfriend one time made the mistake of asking him to keep an eye on her books. You can just imagine. He's cool. I will miss hanging out with all of those guys at the arboretum. Oh, well. Maybe things will be cool at my new work/study job. Whenever it is that I find one, that is. I should probably get going. Maybe I can still return my Physics books. It's not too late, I don't think. The other things I have to do can wait until tomorrow. But not much later than that. Oh well, everything will be ok. ",Emotions,Anxiety