id,input,output,text,tes,element
1997_696801.txt,"What to write. I just missed dinner because I came down here to write this paper. I think that they should make dinner last longer then just till 7:00 at night. That sucks. Last night I requested that they give us a new couch because the one we have now hurts my back. Besides I saw what the new couches looked like and they are pretty cool. They are bright blue, not just plan gray. Grey is so boring. I wonder what I will do tonight. I could stay home and do my homework and sleep,  maybe get to see what a good night's sleep feels like. But I will most likely go out and party like I always get suckered into. So the guy situation on campus. Not to bad. The one I’m dating now is a sweetie. But now that I’m dating him it is not as fun anymore. Why is that?  The fun part is the challenge of getting the guy but now that I have him I don't want to spend any time with him. I am such a bitch. God, my eyes can't handle looking at a computer screen too long. They get all dried out. We have a Nintendo at our room upstairs, and I sit there for hours and my eyes kill me. Well, not really for hours, just a little exaggeration. My roommates are pretty cool. I like them a lot. Sometimes I feel bad because I don't spend as much time with them as they do together so now they are closer to each other and I kinda feel left out. But I spent my time with my other friends. My best friend Athena who is just down the hall and whom I love so very much. I am so glad that she is here. I would hate it here if she weren't. When I fist got here I was kinda upset that she was on my floor because I wanted my space and my time away from her, but now I love it. It is a perfect set up. I can go and visit her anytime I want and she can come to my room if she likes but I don't feel like hanging with her than I don't have to. How come I can write forever and this screen just keeps scooting over, it makes my feel like I’m not writing that much. Last time I did this I only wrote one line. And the sad thing was I was sitting at the computer for about an hour. I just had people distracting me. I wonder how you check your e-mail. I wonder if Chris wrote me. Chris is such a great guy. I hope he comes down and visits sometime soon. I miss the boy. He is the one guy I regret not ever liking. I had my chance with him and broke his heart, but I guess that's the way life goes. I always go for the loser guys who treat me like shit. Maybe that's why I never like a guy after I finally know he likes me, he is too nice and treats me too well. Doesn't that suck. I thought that the psy. experiment in class was very entertaining. I hope that I do well in this class it is truly an interesting subject. But is seems like I won't be doing well in any of my classes. I don't concentrate enough. I came down here thinking that I was going to get a 4. 0, or at least close to that. But now my study habits have gotten so bad that I don't know what is going to happen to my. I think that I will change my ways and get back on track. I started out exercising every day too, but now I haven't ran in several days. The freshman 15 here I come. Ok that has been 20 min. Hope you had fun analyzing me! ",Emotions: Anxiety,"What to write. I just missed dinner because I came down here to write this paper. I think that they should make dinner last longer then just till 7:00 at night. That sucks. Last night I requested that they give us a new couch because the one we have now hurts my back. Besides I saw what the new couches looked like and they are pretty cool. They are bright blue, not just plan gray. Grey is so boring. I wonder what I will do tonight. I could stay home and do my homework and sleep,  maybe get to see what a good night's sleep feels like. But I will most likely go out and party like I always get suckered into. So the guy situation on campus. Not to bad. The one I’m dating now is a sweetie. But now that I’m dating him it is not as fun anymore. Why is that?  The fun part is the challenge of getting the guy but now that I have him I don't want to spend any time with him. I am such a bitch. God, my eyes can't handle looking at a computer screen too long. They get all dried out. We have a Nintendo at our room upstairs, and I sit there for hours and my eyes kill me. Well, not really for hours, just a little exaggeration. My roommates are pretty cool. I like them a lot. Sometimes I feel bad because I don't spend as much time with them as they do together so now they are closer to each other and I kinda feel left out. But I spent my time with my other friends. My best friend Athena who is just down the hall and whom I love so very much. I am so glad that she is here. I would hate it here if she weren't. When I fist got here I was kinda upset that she was on my floor because I wanted my space and my time away from her, but now I love it. It is a perfect set up. I can go and visit her anytime I want and she can come to my room if she likes but I don't feel like hanging with her than I don't have to. How come I can write forever and this screen just keeps scooting over, it makes my feel like I’m not writing that much. Last time I did this I only wrote one line. And the sad thing was I was sitting at the computer for about an hour. I just had people distracting me. I wonder how you check your e-mail. I wonder if Chris wrote me. Chris is such a great guy. I hope he comes down and visits sometime soon. I miss the boy. He is the one guy I regret not ever liking. I had my chance with him and broke his heart, but I guess that's the way life goes. I always go for the loser guys who treat me like shit. Maybe that's why I never like a guy after I finally know he likes me, he is too nice and treats me too well. Doesn't that suck. I thought that the psy. experiment in class was very entertaining. I hope that I do well in this class it is truly an interesting subject. But is seems like I won't be doing well in any of my classes. I don't concentrate enough. I came down here thinking that I was going to get a 4. 0, or at least close to that. But now my study habits have gotten so bad that I don't know what is going to happen to my. I think that I will change my ways and get back on track. I started out exercising every day too, but now I haven't ran in several days. The freshman 15 here I come. Ok that has been 20 min. Hope you had fun analyzing me! ",Emotions,Anxiety
2003_515.txt,"So here goes. I am really starting to stress out about all this college stuff. It seems like my to-do list just keeps getting longer and the time I have to complete everything just keeps shrinking. I hope and pray that as time goes by I will learn to better deal with all the pressures associated with college life. It has been so hard to find a way to balance the fun with the work. But as my brother once told me, you must work hard in order to play hard. I'm trying to keep that thought in my head constantly, and keep thinking positive about my situation. I'm hoping that I can pull it off and walk away from this first semester satisfied with my accomplishments and confident about my college semesters to come. Well enough about that. I'm really starting to miss my family a lot. I think that is really lame but I can't help it really. Like I love Austin and school and everything but there is just something about my good ole hometown of Sunnyvale, Texas that I miss incredibly. I went home last weekend and had a blast reuniting with all my old friends. Gosh I love my friends here but its just not the same. There is just something about the familiar that keeps me constantly wanting to latch on to it and never leave. But I know that that is impossible for someone like me who constantly strives to better myself and achieve my goals. And UT is the place to do it. I love this place! The people sometimes freak me out but its nice to be exposed to strange people for a change. I am so excited about this weekend! One of my best friends from back home is coming to visit and I keep thinking about what we are going to do all weekend! Gosh you know what. I'm really starting to worry about the whole freshman 15"" theory! Because I sure do eat a lot these days. The food is just constantly in front of you so its difficult to resist! Its not like at home where you have to make yourself something because your mom refuses to wait on you. No here the food is just there and all you have to do is go to it! Its great! Its amazing to me how different college life is from high school. Like in high school everyone cared about everyone else's business and there were like cliques and stuff but not here. No one cares about anyone else's business at all. people are just concerned with themselves. And another thing that is so great is the total absence of rules! Like you can do whatever the heck you want and NO ONE will tell you that you are wrong or that you can't do something. Oh it really makes me laugh how in college classes if you suddenly get the desire to get up and walk out of class while the professor is talking, you can! I laugh every time I see people doing that in my classes. I would never be able to make myself do that because I'm too much of a chicken but I think its so funny! Gosh. I'm really starting to get hungry again. that is so bad! NO! I can't eat again! I am really not looking forward to going to class again at 7pm. that is really late and I'm extremely tired! I really hope that I can find a date to Anchors Away. that is really bugging me. I wish I knew exactly who I wanted to take and who wanted to go so that I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore! Alright well the time on this thing is officially almost over so I'm going to stop babbling about stuff that no one is interested in except for me. haha! This was good. its kind of a way to let your problems go all at once. I actually feel better to get all this out and see my thoughts on paper. Not to mention that I feel better knowing that this writing assignment is out of my hair so that is one less thing I have to worry and stress out about. Well that is all I have to say for myself at this point and time! Peace! ",Emotions: Excitement,"So here goes. I am really starting to stress out about all this college stuff. It seems like my to-do list just keeps getting longer and the time I have to complete everything just keeps shrinking. I hope and pray that as time goes by I will learn to better deal with all the pressures associated with college life. It has been so hard to find a way to balance the fun with the work. But as my brother once told me, you must work hard in order to play hard. I'm trying to keep that thought in my head constantly, and keep thinking positive about my situation. I'm hoping that I can pull it off and walk away from this first semester satisfied with my accomplishments and confident about my college semesters to come. Well enough about that. I'm really starting to miss my family a lot. I think that is really lame but I can't help it really. Like I love Austin and school and everything but there is just something about my good ole hometown of Sunnyvale, Texas that I miss incredibly. I went home last weekend and had a blast reuniting with all my old friends. Gosh I love my friends here but its just not the same. There is just something about the familiar that keeps me constantly wanting to latch on to it and never leave. But I know that that is impossible for someone like me who constantly strives to better myself and achieve my goals. And UT is the place to do it. I love this place! The people sometimes freak me out but its nice to be exposed to strange people for a change. I am so excited about this weekend! One of my best friends from back home is coming to visit and I keep thinking about what we are going to do all weekend! Gosh you know what. I'm really starting to worry about the whole freshman 15"" theory! Because I sure do eat a lot these days. The food is just constantly in front of you so its difficult to resist! Its not like at home where you have to make yourself something because your mom refuses to wait on you. No here the food is just there and all you have to do is go to it! Its great! Its amazing to me how different college life is from high school. Like in high school everyone cared about everyone else's business and there were like cliques and stuff but not here. No one cares about anyone else's business at all. people are just concerned with themselves. And another thing that is so great is the total absence of rules! Like you can do whatever the heck you want and NO ONE will tell you that you are wrong or that you can't do something. Oh it really makes me laugh how in college classes if you suddenly get the desire to get up and walk out of class while the professor is talking, you can! I laugh every time I see people doing that in my classes. I would never be able to make myself do that because I'm too much of a chicken but I think its so funny! Gosh. I'm really starting to get hungry again. that is so bad! NO! I can't eat again! I am really not looking forward to going to class again at 7pm. that is really late and I'm extremely tired! I really hope that I can find a date to Anchors Away. that is really bugging me. I wish I knew exactly who I wanted to take and who wanted to go so that I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore! Alright well the time on this thing is officially almost over so I'm going to stop babbling about stuff that no one is interested in except for me. haha! This was good. its kind of a way to let your problems go all at once. I actually feel better to get all this out and see my thoughts on paper. Not to mention that I feel better knowing that this writing assignment is out of my hair so that is one less thing I have to worry and stress out about. Well that is all I have to say for myself at this point and time! Peace! ",Emotions,Excitement
2000_713951.txt,"I feel strange because I'm in a world of completely new things. I tell myself that is all the same from any other people or situation, and it is in a way because if I always look at myself from an aerial view I will only see myself as one of the others, that we are all masses of tissue. But this is difficult because I know that I am myself, in a sense, and that really, everything will happen to me and the only way I can interpret the stimuli is by the way it comes to me, pertains to me. I don't want to be selfish, in the other respect of that word, but by thinking about myself I know that I therefore am selfish. I was depressed for a few days because I did not want to let go of another person. It was so much bullshit that I just finally sat on the roof and sorted everything out, looking at the stars. I came to the conclusion that I didn't need that right now, and that I was only cheating myself by believing this. It is strange because I have such problems with that. I realized recently that I have not reached the belonging. stage of life. Or maybe I reached it by not even trying, when I was very small, but I think ever since school started in kindergarten, as far as I can remember school wise, so maybe I have recessed back under that level of substantial importance. I'm having trouble being myself because I know that I don't even know myself. I do in a sense, but I sometimes think that it is just what I want to tell myself I'm like, and that I try to make myself the person that I think other people will like to see. Then I think that has everything to do with the belonging. factor. I am ultimately working towards self actualization. But I'm trying to be realistic in thinking that it won't be until I'm older like in my thirties. But it doesn't have to be that way. I don't want to feel like I can't do something, but I think how young I am and I think that I'm still just a little kid, and that I will have to work on this a lot more. I don't want to accept myself so I don't let others accept me. Its so hard, and winding. but now I know what I have to do, I have to find what it is that will make me chill out and respect myself and others. This is the key to passing the belonging stage of the cycle towards self actualization. I just need to stop worrying about shit like this and just be happy. And now I know what I have to do. ",Emotions: Self-awareness,"I feel strange because I'm in a world of completely new things. I tell myself that is all the same from any other people or situation, and it is in a way because if I always look at myself from an aerial view I will only see myself as one of the others, that we are all masses of tissue. But this is difficult because I know that I am myself, in a sense, and that really, everything will happen to me and the only way I can interpret the stimuli is by the way it comes to me, pertains to me. I don't want to be selfish, in the other respect of that word, but by thinking about myself I know that I therefore am selfish. I was depressed for a few days because I did not want to let go of another person. It was so much bullshit that I just finally sat on the roof and sorted everything out, looking at the stars. I came to the conclusion that I didn't need that right now, and that I was only cheating myself by believing this. It is strange because I have such problems with that. I realized recently that I have not reached the belonging. stage of life. Or maybe I reached it by not even trying, when I was very small, but I think ever since school started in kindergarten, as far as I can remember school wise, so maybe I have recessed back under that level of substantial importance. I'm having trouble being myself because I know that I don't even know myself. I do in a sense, but I sometimes think that it is just what I want to tell myself I'm like, and that I try to make myself the person that I think other people will like to see. Then I think that has everything to do with the belonging. factor. I am ultimately working towards self actualization. But I'm trying to be realistic in thinking that it won't be until I'm older like in my thirties. But it doesn't have to be that way. I don't want to feel like I can't do something, but I think how young I am and I think that I'm still just a little kid, and that I will have to work on this a lot more. I don't want to accept myself so I don't let others accept me. Its so hard, and winding. but now I know what I have to do, I have to find what it is that will make me chill out and respect myself and others. This is the key to passing the belonging stage of the cycle towards self actualization. I just need to stop worrying about shit like this and just be happy. And now I know what I have to do. ",Emotions,Self-awareness
1997_918806.txt,"I'm just sitting here thinking while I wait for my clothes to clean. While sitting here I realize how much my life is different in Austin rather than two hundred and eighty miles away in Nederland. For example, I always had someone to do my laundry there and if I did it myself I never had to wait for a washing machine. The thing I miss most about Nederland is not having my friends around. Even though my best friend and my girlfriend are also attending U. T and both are staying in Jester I still miss my other friends a lot. I always thought when I came to Austin it was going to be so much fun, but now I realize there is a lot of work involved. Only a week has gone by since I got here and I already have so much to do. That is another thing I miss about home, the ability to do nothing if I so desire. Here ""doing nothing"" is not an option. I feel that if I do nothing I will fall behind and just be wasting time. I miss the little things about home. Even though my girlfriend lives here I miss being able to go to each others house. Sure we can go to each others dorm rooms but I miss the feeling of home and hanging out with her family and mine. That is another thing I have not mentioned yet, I miss my family. I honestly did not think I would but I do. I guess over time I will grow accustomed to living here and maybe eventually be able to call Austin my home. Well, it's time to put the clothes in the dryer so I guess this is the end. ",Thinking styles: Reflective,"I'm just sitting here thinking while I wait for my clothes to clean. While sitting here I realize how much my life is different in Austin rather than two hundred and eighty miles away in Nederland. For example, I always had someone to do my laundry there and if I did it myself I never had to wait for a washing machine. The thing I miss most about Nederland is not having my friends around. Even though my best friend and my girlfriend are also attending U. T and both are staying in Jester I still miss my other friends a lot. I always thought when I came to Austin it was going to be so much fun, but now I realize there is a lot of work involved. Only a week has gone by since I got here and I already have so much to do. That is another thing I miss about home, the ability to do nothing if I so desire. Here ""doing nothing"" is not an option. I feel that if I do nothing I will fall behind and just be wasting time. I miss the little things about home. Even though my girlfriend lives here I miss being able to go to each others house. Sure we can go to each others dorm rooms but I miss the feeling of home and hanging out with her family and mine. That is another thing I have not mentioned yet, I miss my family. I honestly did not think I would but I do. I guess over time I will grow accustomed to living here and maybe eventually be able to call Austin my home. Well, it's time to put the clothes in the dryer so I guess this is the end. ",Thinking styles,Reflective
1999_950573.txt,"I figured that I would put this assignment off a little more---or at least until my thoughts were more collected, but I now realize that they're am as collected now as they're ever be. I think about all that I have to do, assignments in school mostly, but I am also busy thinking about a certain person all the time. I suppose I'm going through sensory overload right now. my brain is working at a million miles an hour to keep up with the information that is being put in as fast as possible. Then there's that person I mentioned. I am confused about a certain guy that I really like. Sounds so tyipical, right? I will have to put those thoughts aside until school is over for the day. I am pretty unhappy with a lot of people that I have met at U. t. They are so interested in having a good time, all the time. Drinking and sex outside of marriage, namely. I ate lunch with an old friend that I haven't seen in a long time, and all he talked about was partying, and the like. I don't drink, because of the law (I'm 18), and I don't believe that anyone should get drunk because that's what the Bible says. Life seems so messed up. I'm not depressed about it, but I am bothered by what I see in the world. I feel a sense of hopelessnes about me, and I know where it is coming from. It started with the fall of man in the Garden of Eden. God has given man over to his wicked desires, and this means that unless God sends revival, things will continue to get worse. Also, I have been reading about the Clinton administration in a book entitled Unlimited Acess, and I think, ""If this is what our president is getting away with who CAN we trust?!"" Of course, I don't put my faith in things which are seen, but things which are not seen. God is in complete control, and no matter how bad things seem, he will take care of His people. Some day, all of this--including the computer that I'm typing on---will burn up. God will come back to gather His elect and the those who are not will burn in the lake of fire forever. this is such a scary thought, but when you think about it it makes perfect sense. God's gift of salvation was totally voluntary on his part. He doesn't have to save anyone. We all deserve damnation because of our sin. We sinned in Adam. But in God's incredible mercy and love he sent Christ as a propitiaton for our sins that we might not perish but have everlasting life. Oh, that I might be found among those names written in the Lamb's Book of Life! I'm a terrible sinner just like everyone else. I struggle with the same problems that everyone does. But I keep coming back to the cross and pleading the blood of Jesus. I have no inate merit. My righteousness are as filthy rags. It is insane to think that one can somehow work their way into heaven. The Bible says ""Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy He has saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and the renewing of the Holy Ghost. "" Jesus is our only way to the Father. Not our pitiful attempts to earn our salvation. Jesus said, ""I am the Way the Truth and the Life. No man comes to the Father except through Me. "" You have to come to God (it is clearly taught in the Bible), but you can't unless God makes you come(also a clear teaching. ""No man comes to Me except the Father drag him. "") That leaves you in a particularly strange situation. You have to come, but you can't. I pray about that one a lot. Well, those really are the things I think about. I'm a Christian, and I live in constant awareness of my Creator. ",Emotions: Confusion,"I figured that I would put this assignment off a little more---or at least until my thoughts were more collected, but I now realize that they're am as collected now as they're ever be. I think about all that I have to do, assignments in school mostly, but I am also busy thinking about a certain person all the time. I suppose I'm going through sensory overload right now. my brain is working at a million miles an hour to keep up with the information that is being put in as fast as possible. Then there's that person I mentioned. I am confused about a certain guy that I really like. Sounds so tyipical, right? I will have to put those thoughts aside until school is over for the day. I am pretty unhappy with a lot of people that I have met at U. t. They are so interested in having a good time, all the time. Drinking and sex outside of marriage, namely. I ate lunch with an old friend that I haven't seen in a long time, and all he talked about was partying, and the like. I don't drink, because of the law (I'm 18), and I don't believe that anyone should get drunk because that's what the Bible says. Life seems so messed up. I'm not depressed about it, but I am bothered by what I see in the world. I feel a sense of hopelessnes about me, and I know where it is coming from. It started with the fall of man in the Garden of Eden. God has given man over to his wicked desires, and this means that unless God sends revival, things will continue to get worse. Also, I have been reading about the Clinton administration in a book entitled Unlimited Acess, and I think, ""If this is what our president is getting away with who CAN we trust?!"" Of course, I don't put my faith in things which are seen, but things which are not seen. God is in complete control, and no matter how bad things seem, he will take care of His people. Some day, all of this--including the computer that I'm typing on---will burn up. God will come back to gather His elect and the those who are not will burn in the lake of fire forever. this is such a scary thought, but when you think about it it makes perfect sense. God's gift of salvation was totally voluntary on his part. He doesn't have to save anyone. We all deserve damnation because of our sin. We sinned in Adam. But in God's incredible mercy and love he sent Christ as a propitiaton for our sins that we might not perish but have everlasting life. Oh, that I might be found among those names written in the Lamb's Book of Life! I'm a terrible sinner just like everyone else. I struggle with the same problems that everyone does. But I keep coming back to the cross and pleading the blood of Jesus. I have no inate merit. My righteousness are as filthy rags. It is insane to think that one can somehow work their way into heaven. The Bible says ""Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy He has saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and the renewing of the Holy Ghost. "" Jesus is our only way to the Father. Not our pitiful attempts to earn our salvation. Jesus said, ""I am the Way the Truth and the Life. No man comes to the Father except through Me. "" You have to come to God (it is clearly taught in the Bible), but you can't unless God makes you come(also a clear teaching. ""No man comes to Me except the Father drag him. "") That leaves you in a particularly strange situation. You have to come, but you can't. I pray about that one a lot. Well, those really are the things I think about. I'm a Christian, and I live in constant awareness of my Creator. ",Emotions,Confusion
2002_690395.txt,"Right now I am thinking about September 11th because i just got out of music class, and we discussed the emotional impact that music has on people. I never really thought about how emotional some songs make me feel. When my music teacher played   Amazing Grace   after reading an e-mail from a New York firefighter, I felt myself get teary eyed. It has been about 20 minutes since I've been in his class, and I still have that heart ache feeling thinking about the diffrent songs he played for the class. I also feel homesick. I keep thinking how i want to spend the anniversary of September 11th at home with my mom and dad. I am already homesick, and Wednesday is just going to intinsify my home sickness. I feel worried about my school work. I have so much homework that i need to get done that I'm starting to feel stressed out. I wish i would have study more these past two weeks instead of leaving the huge load I have now to the last minute. I don't think I'm ever going to catch up! I am really worried about Biology. It's an advanced class, and I have no idea what I'm doing in there. I still have an 11 paged packet that I must have done tomorrow. It's too hard though. I really wanted to go workout, but I don't feel like I have time. I want to go tanning but I have class at 3:30 and I needed to study inbetween my classes. I am really hungry. I want some buffalo wings. I think after I'm done typing this I'm going to order some Pluckers. I am also really thirsty, but I'm too lazy to go downstairs and get a coke. I'll just wait until I go get food. My room mate won't stop making noise which keeps breaking my train of thought. I really miss my nephew. I havn't got to see him in months. I hope when i go home this weekend I will be able to see him, but I doubt it beacuse his mom is such a psycho. She never lets us see him unless she wants something. I am going to call her and tell her I want to see him this weekend. I think I'll buy him a UT shirt before I leave on Friday. I put your picture away, sat down and cried for days. I can't look at you laying next to her. I wonder how Jess is doing. I havn't talked to her since i came to Austin. I hope she's doing better than when I left. This song sure does remind me of her. I hope her and Michael are talking again. It smells like clorox in my room. I need to spray some Lysol on here. Plus I need to clean my room. It's starting to get really messy. I wonder if that's bothering Crystal? She would tell if it was. Well, I'll clean my half just to be nice, and so I can be more organized. I need to do my laundry. I guess i could do it later. ",Thinking styles: Procrastination,"Right now I am thinking about September 11th because i just got out of music class, and we discussed the emotional impact that music has on people. I never really thought about how emotional some songs make me feel. When my music teacher played   Amazing Grace   after reading an e-mail from a New York firefighter, I felt myself get teary eyed. It has been about 20 minutes since I've been in his class, and I still have that heart ache feeling thinking about the diffrent songs he played for the class. I also feel homesick. I keep thinking how i want to spend the anniversary of September 11th at home with my mom and dad. I am already homesick, and Wednesday is just going to intinsify my home sickness. I feel worried about my school work. I have so much homework that i need to get done that I'm starting to feel stressed out. I wish i would have study more these past two weeks instead of leaving the huge load I have now to the last minute. I don't think I'm ever going to catch up! I am really worried about Biology. It's an advanced class, and I have no idea what I'm doing in there. I still have an 11 paged packet that I must have done tomorrow. It's too hard though. I really wanted to go workout, but I don't feel like I have time. I want to go tanning but I have class at 3:30 and I needed to study inbetween my classes. I am really hungry. I want some buffalo wings. I think after I'm done typing this I'm going to order some Pluckers. I am also really thirsty, but I'm too lazy to go downstairs and get a coke. I'll just wait until I go get food. My room mate won't stop making noise which keeps breaking my train of thought. I really miss my nephew. I havn't got to see him in months. I hope when i go home this weekend I will be able to see him, but I doubt it beacuse his mom is such a psycho. She never lets us see him unless she wants something. I am going to call her and tell her I want to see him this weekend. I think I'll buy him a UT shirt before I leave on Friday. I put your picture away, sat down and cried for days. I can't look at you laying next to her. I wonder how Jess is doing. I havn't talked to her since i came to Austin. I hope she's doing better than when I left. This song sure does remind me of her. I hope her and Michael are talking again. It smells like clorox in my room. I need to spray some Lysol on here. Plus I need to clean my room. It's starting to get really messy. I wonder if that's bothering Crystal? She would tell if it was. Well, I'll clean my half just to be nice, and so I can be more organized. I need to do my laundry. I guess i could do it later. ",Thinking styles,Procrastination
1998_463122.txt,"I wonder if the twenty minutes is what they're grading for because I type so slow they'll probably think I only wrote e for five minutes  I didn't realize the assignments were due today I thought they were due tomorrow, oh well I wonder if that means if I have to9 finish that damn pretest. I guess so          that girl has some funky hair, I can't even type without having to look up    its just like bam!!! in front of me,  I need a computer at home so I don't have to come to the library all the time. I don't get much done at home though so many distractions   what can I make for dinner there s nothing to eat at home, maybe kimchi cheegae  but I made that two times already maybe robert got some groceries,   we need some onion and garlic otherwise I can't really make much   oh shit I need a rice cooker still before I can go and make all this  maybe I'll invite Angela over to eat. yeah I wonder when her classes are even over. yeah I can just tell her to bring her rice cooker over and I'll cook,     she will probably want to eat Korean food anyway because I'm pretty sure that the Dobie food can't be that good. if it is at all like the jester food, that stuff gives me the runs. I don't know  maybe they put supplements in it to reach nutritional guidelines  but whatever it is it is not any good for me. the jester people must get used to it part of their body's way off adapting to a new nutritional source. nutrigrain bars are awesome. I'm so damn hungry. they should have a cafe here in the PCL so those late night studies can have some refreshment lemonade  that's what I want it's funny how me and Angela have so much in common I bet she is thinking lemonade right now. I wonder what Ben thinks of her?   that would be fucked up if they were both lying to me. I guess I just have to trust him. I've known him for so long but sometimes you'd do fucked up things for a girl, I couldn't blame him either because I've done such before also. I regret it of course. this guy told me not to ever regret something you've done because if you keep doing that then it is like you're asking back everything you done in you're life. so you may as well not ever be living it. I didn't even really know him we were just fishing next to each other and ha was old, I wish I could go fishing right now. it relaxes me and all this stuff is stressing me and I need to relax. I guess I could go fishing in freshwater but that can't beat the sun nothing can beat fishing the surf of san Luis pass all night even if you don't catch anything just being there when this sky turns purple then blue then a whole myriad of colors that you can't even describe from yellow to black     and than the sun comes and you make your last couple of casts not even caring really to catch a fish kind of a solute to the sun for thanking whatever you caught or didn't catch for next time.  ok that's been about thirty minutes and I'm going all philosophical I think I'm done ",Emotions: Empathy,"I wonder if the twenty minutes is what they're grading for because I type so slow they'll probably think I only wrote e for five minutes  I didn't realize the assignments were due today I thought they were due tomorrow, oh well I wonder if that means if I have to9 finish that damn pretest. I guess so          that girl has some funky hair, I can't even type without having to look up    its just like bam!!! in front of me,  I need a computer at home so I don't have to come to the library all the time. I don't get much done at home though so many distractions   what can I make for dinner there s nothing to eat at home, maybe kimchi cheegae  but I made that two times already maybe robert got some groceries,   we need some onion and garlic otherwise I can't really make much   oh shit I need a rice cooker still before I can go and make all this  maybe I'll invite Angela over to eat. yeah I wonder when her classes are even over. yeah I can just tell her to bring her rice cooker over and I'll cook,     she will probably want to eat Korean food anyway because I'm pretty sure that the Dobie food can't be that good. if it is at all like the jester food, that stuff gives me the runs. I don't know  maybe they put supplements in it to reach nutritional guidelines  but whatever it is it is not any good for me. the jester people must get used to it part of their body's way off adapting to a new nutritional source. nutrigrain bars are awesome. I'm so damn hungry. they should have a cafe here in the PCL so those late night studies can have some refreshment lemonade  that's what I want it's funny how me and Angela have so much in common I bet she is thinking lemonade right now. I wonder what Ben thinks of her?   that would be fucked up if they were both lying to me. I guess I just have to trust him. I've known him for so long but sometimes you'd do fucked up things for a girl, I couldn't blame him either because I've done such before also. I regret it of course. this guy told me not to ever regret something you've done because if you keep doing that then it is like you're asking back everything you done in you're life. so you may as well not ever be living it. I didn't even really know him we were just fishing next to each other and ha was old, I wish I could go fishing right now. it relaxes me and all this stuff is stressing me and I need to relax. I guess I could go fishing in freshwater but that can't beat the sun nothing can beat fishing the surf of san Luis pass all night even if you don't catch anything just being there when this sky turns purple then blue then a whole myriad of colors that you can't even describe from yellow to black     and than the sun comes and you make your last couple of casts not even caring really to catch a fish kind of a solute to the sun for thanking whatever you caught or didn't catch for next time.  ok that's been about thirty minutes and I'm going all philosophical I think I'm done ",Emotions,Empathy
1999_572284.txt,"The first thought that comes to my mind right now is about two of my little sisters. They are ages 4 and 7. I can't help but worry about them atleast five times a day. They live with my mother who is not exactly the world's best role model. I feel bad saying this, but it is true. She is not very strict, and it is easy to get away with the things that she says not to do. When I used to live with her I took advantage of this. I made terrible grades, lied all the time, sometimes for no apparant reason, and I did not take care of myself. Thank God I got out of that situation. I moved in with my father and my former stepmother. They got me out of my bad habits for the most part and without them I would never be sitting at this computer doing an assignment for a college course. Even after my dad and stepmom got divorced I still lived with her, I am so thankful that she has been here for me all these years. Getting back to my sisters, I am afraid that they will fall into the same habits I did and they are not as lucky as I was to have my stepmom. I can see them in the future missing out on so many opportunities because my mom won't keep them in line. I hope that I can be a positive influence on them, but it will be hard because I only get to see them about once a month. They are beautiful children with great personalities. Unfortunately Regina the 7 year old has already had troubles in school. I know this is not my mother's fault, because it seems as though she has some type of learning disability, but at the same time my mother doesn't spend any extra time working with her. Andrea the 4 year old is absolutely brilliant, I don't think she will have any problems in school unless she falls into the same pattern I did of lying and not doing her school work. I would never want to see my sisters move in with there dad though, because I am afraid that would make my mother feel as though she were a failure. I cannot imagine having three children and then having all of them raised elsewhere. I know she loves all three of us, and we are her life, and I love my mother very much also, but I just wish she would make more of an effort to make better lives for them. It would be a big help if she would just grow up a little bit, her mother still runs her life, and she cannot make decisions by herself. Overall she needs to work on herself first and then benefit the children from that. ",Emotions: Responsibility,"The first thought that comes to my mind right now is about two of my little sisters. They are ages 4 and 7. I can't help but worry about them atleast five times a day. They live with my mother who is not exactly the world's best role model. I feel bad saying this, but it is true. She is not very strict, and it is easy to get away with the things that she says not to do. When I used to live with her I took advantage of this. I made terrible grades, lied all the time, sometimes for no apparant reason, and I did not take care of myself. Thank God I got out of that situation. I moved in with my father and my former stepmother. They got me out of my bad habits for the most part and without them I would never be sitting at this computer doing an assignment for a college course. Even after my dad and stepmom got divorced I still lived with her, I am so thankful that she has been here for me all these years. Getting back to my sisters, I am afraid that they will fall into the same habits I did and they are not as lucky as I was to have my stepmom. I can see them in the future missing out on so many opportunities because my mom won't keep them in line. I hope that I can be a positive influence on them, but it will be hard because I only get to see them about once a month. They are beautiful children with great personalities. Unfortunately Regina the 7 year old has already had troubles in school. I know this is not my mother's fault, because it seems as though she has some type of learning disability, but at the same time my mother doesn't spend any extra time working with her. Andrea the 4 year old is absolutely brilliant, I don't think she will have any problems in school unless she falls into the same pattern I did of lying and not doing her school work. I would never want to see my sisters move in with there dad though, because I am afraid that would make my mother feel as though she were a failure. I cannot imagine having three children and then having all of them raised elsewhere. I know she loves all three of us, and we are her life, and I love my mother very much also, but I just wish she would make more of an effort to make better lives for them. It would be a big help if she would just grow up a little bit, her mother still runs her life, and she cannot make decisions by herself. Overall she needs to work on herself first and then benefit the children from that. ",Emotions,Responsibility
1997_511579.txt,"Yuck, what a cruddy day. I had to go to 4 hours of classes and then I had to wait 30 minutes for the freaking bus to pick us up. Then I had to stand up for most of the ride home. And it was really hot on the bus. Luckily today wasn't too hot outside though. I saw on the news that we are expecting some rain and cooler weather. That's good. I guess. I don't know about the rain part though. I hope I can find my umbrella. I hope I didn't lose it when I moved up here. I live in a really neat apartment now. I like it a lot. And my roommate is really nice too. I was kind of worried about that. I transferred here from A&M this semester. I like it here. But it's not really any different than in College Station. Just bigger. My classes aren't any harder so far. I hate calculus. I'm usually pretty good at math. I think it's also because my TA that teaches our discussion is horrible. He hardly speaks English and doesn't know what he's doing at all. Of course I don’t' really know what I'm doing at all either but. Wow 20 minutes is a long time. Lots of random stuff kind of floats through your head. Like the fact that I can see that I have email and I really want to check it. I just checked it before I started writing, I guess somebody wrote back. I wonder who. Probably Amy. Amy was supposed to transfer this year too and be my roommate but she forgot to send in her transcript. She's kind of spacey about stuff like that. But she's like the sweetest person I know. Actually I don't really know a lot of people here. That's kind of sad considering I knew practically everyone at my high school and I had a lot of friends at A&M. My roommate at A&M just rushed a sorority this year. Neither one of us rushed last year. I'm happy for her. I wonder if I should’ve rushed this year. Then I’d know more people. But my boyfriend goes to school here. But he doesn’t know that many people here either. The year just started so I guess I'll meet more people as it goes by. I need to go workout tonight. I haven't worked out really well in a few days. I feel much better and more relaxed after I work out. I'm still feeling kind of stressed after my gross day. I have a lot of homework to do and a lot of other things on my list. I always make lists. I wonder what that says about a persons personality. I'm really organized and like to plan things. Maybe that's part of it. Strange. I wanted to plan a trip to go tubing in San Marcos before school started but we never got around to it. I hate how my boyfriend makes fun of me and says that I never plan anything. I know he's just kidding, but it gets on my nerves. He just doesn't understand I guess. Wow I just got a weird flashback of high school. I was a cheerleader and I just thought of some performance we did. I wonder where that came from. My typing has gotten really good over the past year. I used to not be that great. I think all the emailing made me better. I wonder who that email is from?  I haven't seen a lot of the people that I know here. I guess I should call them and get together. I feel like I don't have time though. I have to do homework, and work out and I need time to myself just to vege. Speaking of vegetables, I need to go to the grocery store too. I need vegetables, noodles, rice, chicken, cookies, hmm what else?  Milk. I like milk, especially with my cereal. I need more cereal too. I always want to get pancake mix. yummy. only a few minutes left. That's good because my back-neck-shoulder is starting to hurt from sitting at this computer. I need to get a cable so I can hook up my printer. Not that I need it yet but I should get that taken care of. My mom said she is sending me a package with cookies and candy and my last paycheck from work (lifeguard)and other stuff. that is something to look forward to. I haven't gotten any mail lately. I paid my rent today. through January. I need to call my bank and have them transfer some money form my savings into my checking. or else we could have some problems. but my grandfather is the president of the bank and my aunt is the CEO so I don't think that they'd let me bounce a check. That's going to be a shock when I have to go out and get  a real job and find a real bank. Time's up. Yea!   ",Emotions: Anxiety,"Yuck, what a cruddy day. I had to go to 4 hours of classes and then I had to wait 30 minutes for the freaking bus to pick us up. Then I had to stand up for most of the ride home. And it was really hot on the bus. Luckily today wasn't too hot outside though. I saw on the news that we are expecting some rain and cooler weather. That's good. I guess. I don't know about the rain part though. I hope I can find my umbrella. I hope I didn't lose it when I moved up here. I live in a really neat apartment now. I like it a lot. And my roommate is really nice too. I was kind of worried about that. I transferred here from A&M this semester. I like it here. But it's not really any different than in College Station. Just bigger. My classes aren't any harder so far. I hate calculus. I'm usually pretty good at math. I think it's also because my TA that teaches our discussion is horrible. He hardly speaks English and doesn't know what he's doing at all. Of course I don’t' really know what I'm doing at all either but. Wow 20 minutes is a long time. Lots of random stuff kind of floats through your head. Like the fact that I can see that I have email and I really want to check it. I just checked it before I started writing, I guess somebody wrote back. I wonder who. Probably Amy. Amy was supposed to transfer this year too and be my roommate but she forgot to send in her transcript. She's kind of spacey about stuff like that. But she's like the sweetest person I know. Actually I don't really know a lot of people here. That's kind of sad considering I knew practically everyone at my high school and I had a lot of friends at A&M. My roommate at A&M just rushed a sorority this year. Neither one of us rushed last year. I'm happy for her. I wonder if I should’ve rushed this year. Then I’d know more people. But my boyfriend goes to school here. But he doesn’t know that many people here either. The year just started so I guess I'll meet more people as it goes by. I need to go workout tonight. I haven't worked out really well in a few days. I feel much better and more relaxed after I work out. I'm still feeling kind of stressed after my gross day. I have a lot of homework to do and a lot of other things on my list. I always make lists. I wonder what that says about a persons personality. I'm really organized and like to plan things. Maybe that's part of it. Strange. I wanted to plan a trip to go tubing in San Marcos before school started but we never got around to it. I hate how my boyfriend makes fun of me and says that I never plan anything. I know he's just kidding, but it gets on my nerves. He just doesn't understand I guess. Wow I just got a weird flashback of high school. I was a cheerleader and I just thought of some performance we did. I wonder where that came from. My typing has gotten really good over the past year. I used to not be that great. I think all the emailing made me better. I wonder who that email is from?  I haven't seen a lot of the people that I know here. I guess I should call them and get together. I feel like I don't have time though. I have to do homework, and work out and I need time to myself just to vege. Speaking of vegetables, I need to go to the grocery store too. I need vegetables, noodles, rice, chicken, cookies, hmm what else?  Milk. I like milk, especially with my cereal. I need more cereal too. I always want to get pancake mix. yummy. only a few minutes left. That's good because my back-neck-shoulder is starting to hurt from sitting at this computer. I need to get a cable so I can hook up my printer. Not that I need it yet but I should get that taken care of. My mom said she is sending me a package with cookies and candy and my last paycheck from work (lifeguard)and other stuff. that is something to look forward to. I haven't gotten any mail lately. I paid my rent today. through January. I need to call my bank and have them transfer some money form my savings into my checking. or else we could have some problems. but my grandfather is the president of the bank and my aunt is the CEO so I don't think that they'd let me bounce a check. That's going to be a shock when I have to go out and get  a real job and find a real bank. Time's up. Yea!   ",Emotions,Anxiety
1997_458896.txt,"This computer lab is scary. I think that at any moment I will mess everything up. This is so weird, writing homework out on a Saturday night. What else can I say? I'm seriously scared that college is not going to turn out how I want it to. Oh well. I'm so tired. There are two girls next to me that are talking just way to loud and it is hard to concentrate on typing. I wish that they would be quiet. Oh Well! Anyway, I really can't think of anything else to type. Man, I wish those girls would talk a little bit more quietly, it is starting to get on my nerves. Some people can be seriously rude. Last night I met the most interesting people. I went to a party at my sister's house and it was okay. At the end of the party there were these guys that live next door to her that got into a fight and called the police on each other. When they got there, the police asked us if we knew anything about a gun. I really don't know what went down with those guys and I really don't care. Those girls are really loud and they are majorly getting on my nerves. Now two other girls on the other side of me are talking really loud about some guy they e-mailed an embarrassing message to. I don't understand why people talk so loud do they think that everyone else cares what they are talking about? I am really getting pissed now!!!! Why are these people talking so loud in the computer lab?  I'm getting cold. I wish that the people next to me would shut up. Yeah they did now for a few seconds I can concentrate. I have to clean my dorm room tomorrow. So much fun!!!! I'm thinking about joining a Christian sorority. Hopefully it will be lots of fun. I'm supposed to go to a meeting about it with my friend Leona. Man, I have to remember to find an article for my E306 class for my first writing assignment. I have no idea what I am going to write about. Maybe tomorrow I will find an interesting article in the newspaper. Just five more minutes to go. There they go again, talking so loud, it is seriously distracting and annoying. Don't those girls know that you're supposed to be quiet in the library. I wonder what I'm going to do later on tonight? I think I'm going to watch a movie or talk to my parents on the phone. College is so scary. I'm homesick a lot, but I've been getting better each day that I've been here. I really love Austin but I'm just ready to go home also. I miss my friends Laura, Mike, Bruce and Jimmy. I need to remember to go get my film developed so I can see them. I had so much fun the night before I left to go to college. I'm really looking forward to Monday since there won't be any classes. Well, I think I'm ready to go to sleep. I need to remember to call my mom and ask her to send me some stamps. This is getting boring. I wonder what Mike and Laura are doing tonight. I wonder if they're kicking back without me in San Benito. I miss my best friend Laura, because we always could talk about things without saying much of anything. Well, I'm tired of typing and it has been 20 minutes so I'm going to stop. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"This computer lab is scary. I think that at any moment I will mess everything up. This is so weird, writing homework out on a Saturday night. What else can I say? I'm seriously scared that college is not going to turn out how I want it to. Oh well. I'm so tired. There are two girls next to me that are talking just way to loud and it is hard to concentrate on typing. I wish that they would be quiet. Oh Well! Anyway, I really can't think of anything else to type. Man, I wish those girls would talk a little bit more quietly, it is starting to get on my nerves. Some people can be seriously rude. Last night I met the most interesting people. I went to a party at my sister's house and it was okay. At the end of the party there were these guys that live next door to her that got into a fight and called the police on each other. When they got there, the police asked us if we knew anything about a gun. I really don't know what went down with those guys and I really don't care. Those girls are really loud and they are majorly getting on my nerves. Now two other girls on the other side of me are talking really loud about some guy they e-mailed an embarrassing message to. I don't understand why people talk so loud do they think that everyone else cares what they are talking about? I am really getting pissed now!!!! Why are these people talking so loud in the computer lab?  I'm getting cold. I wish that the people next to me would shut up. Yeah they did now for a few seconds I can concentrate. I have to clean my dorm room tomorrow. So much fun!!!! I'm thinking about joining a Christian sorority. Hopefully it will be lots of fun. I'm supposed to go to a meeting about it with my friend Leona. Man, I have to remember to find an article for my E306 class for my first writing assignment. I have no idea what I am going to write about. Maybe tomorrow I will find an interesting article in the newspaper. Just five more minutes to go. There they go again, talking so loud, it is seriously distracting and annoying. Don't those girls know that you're supposed to be quiet in the library. I wonder what I'm going to do later on tonight? I think I'm going to watch a movie or talk to my parents on the phone. College is so scary. I'm homesick a lot, but I've been getting better each day that I've been here. I really love Austin but I'm just ready to go home also. I miss my friends Laura, Mike, Bruce and Jimmy. I need to remember to go get my film developed so I can see them. I had so much fun the night before I left to go to college. I'm really looking forward to Monday since there won't be any classes. Well, I think I'm ready to go to sleep. I need to remember to call my mom and ask her to send me some stamps. This is getting boring. I wonder what Mike and Laura are doing tonight. I wonder if they're kicking back without me in San Benito. I miss my best friend Laura, because we always could talk about things without saying much of anything. Well, I'm tired of typing and it has been 20 minutes so I'm going to stop. ",Emotions,Anxiety
2002_690395.txt,"Right now I am thinking about September 11th because i just got out of music class, and we discussed the emotional impact that music has on people. I never really thought about how emotional some songs make me feel. When my music teacher played   Amazing Grace   after reading an e-mail from a New York firefighter, I felt myself get teary eyed. It has been about 20 minutes since I've been in his class, and I still have that heart ache feeling thinking about the diffrent songs he played for the class. I also feel homesick. I keep thinking how i want to spend the anniversary of September 11th at home with my mom and dad. I am already homesick, and Wednesday is just going to intinsify my home sickness. I feel worried about my school work. I have so much homework that i need to get done that I'm starting to feel stressed out. I wish i would have study more these past two weeks instead of leaving the huge load I have now to the last minute. I don't think I'm ever going to catch up! I am really worried about Biology. It's an advanced class, and I have no idea what I'm doing in there. I still have an 11 paged packet that I must have done tomorrow. It's too hard though. I really wanted to go workout, but I don't feel like I have time. I want to go tanning but I have class at 3:30 and I needed to study inbetween my classes. I am really hungry. I want some buffalo wings. I think after I'm done typing this I'm going to order some Pluckers. I am also really thirsty, but I'm too lazy to go downstairs and get a coke. I'll just wait until I go get food. My room mate won't stop making noise which keeps breaking my train of thought. I really miss my nephew. I havn't got to see him in months. I hope when i go home this weekend I will be able to see him, but I doubt it beacuse his mom is such a psycho. She never lets us see him unless she wants something. I am going to call her and tell her I want to see him this weekend. I think I'll buy him a UT shirt before I leave on Friday. I put your picture away, sat down and cried for days. I can't look at you laying next to her. I wonder how Jess is doing. I havn't talked to her since i came to Austin. I hope she's doing better than when I left. This song sure does remind me of her. I hope her and Michael are talking again. It smells like clorox in my room. I need to spray some Lysol on here. Plus I need to clean my room. It's starting to get really messy. I wonder if that's bothering Crystal? She would tell if it was. Well, I'll clean my half just to be nice, and so I can be more organized. I need to do my laundry. I guess i could do it later. ",Emotions: Concern for Others,"Right now I am thinking about September 11th because i just got out of music class, and we discussed the emotional impact that music has on people. I never really thought about how emotional some songs make me feel. When my music teacher played   Amazing Grace   after reading an e-mail from a New York firefighter, I felt myself get teary eyed. It has been about 20 minutes since I've been in his class, and I still have that heart ache feeling thinking about the diffrent songs he played for the class. I also feel homesick. I keep thinking how i want to spend the anniversary of September 11th at home with my mom and dad. I am already homesick, and Wednesday is just going to intinsify my home sickness. I feel worried about my school work. I have so much homework that i need to get done that I'm starting to feel stressed out. I wish i would have study more these past two weeks instead of leaving the huge load I have now to the last minute. I don't think I'm ever going to catch up! I am really worried about Biology. It's an advanced class, and I have no idea what I'm doing in there. I still have an 11 paged packet that I must have done tomorrow. It's too hard though. I really wanted to go workout, but I don't feel like I have time. I want to go tanning but I have class at 3:30 and I needed to study inbetween my classes. I am really hungry. I want some buffalo wings. I think after I'm done typing this I'm going to order some Pluckers. I am also really thirsty, but I'm too lazy to go downstairs and get a coke. I'll just wait until I go get food. My room mate won't stop making noise which keeps breaking my train of thought. I really miss my nephew. I havn't got to see him in months. I hope when i go home this weekend I will be able to see him, but I doubt it beacuse his mom is such a psycho. She never lets us see him unless she wants something. I am going to call her and tell her I want to see him this weekend. I think I'll buy him a UT shirt before I leave on Friday. I put your picture away, sat down and cried for days. I can't look at you laying next to her. I wonder how Jess is doing. I havn't talked to her since i came to Austin. I hope she's doing better than when I left. This song sure does remind me of her. I hope her and Michael are talking again. It smells like clorox in my room. I need to spray some Lysol on here. Plus I need to clean my room. It's starting to get really messy. I wonder if that's bothering Crystal? She would tell if it was. Well, I'll clean my half just to be nice, and so I can be more organized. I need to do my laundry. I guess i could do it later. ",Emotions,Concern for Others
1997_872282.txt,"I am currently sitting in the computer lab in the lobby of Jester. I have just finished my final class for the day, so I figured that I would go ahead and get caught up on my homework for my psychology class. I have never taken any kind  of psychology class, so I don't really know what to expect. Hopefully it won't be a hard class because some of my other ones are pretty hard, and I wasn't use to doing a lot of work and studying in high school. I liked high school a lot, and kind of wish that I was still in it. I sort of miss all of my friends and it just isn't the same to party without all of them. I went home for the Labor Day holidays and partied with them, but now that I'm back in Austin everything has changed back again. I haven't really met many people since I've been here, but I can say that there are quite a few weird people. Hopefully I will get use to Austin soon because it hasn't really worked out too well just yet. I've  already received two speeding tickets, a parking ticket, and had my truck towed once since I moved in two weeks ago. My parents aren't too happy with me right  now, so I've got to get good grades to get them off of my back. I keep screwing  up on this computer and don't really know what I'm doing. I never have been too good with computers-even though I have taken several classes in high school. I  can type rather quickly, but that is about all. My fingers are getting tired of typing because I haven't typed all summer. I guess I need to get use to it since I'm going to be doing a lot of it now that I'm in college. I'm not too happy  right now because I have to type this paper in the lobby computer room. I just  brought back with me a notebook computer that my mom gave me, but I can't get the CD-ROM to work. The stupid thing won't read the disks for some reason, so I haven't been able to hook up the UT Connect package that I just bought. I think I made a few people mad when I went to purchase that UT Connect package because  there was a long line and I sort of cut to the front on accident. I was just  trying to ask the person a question about what line to get in, and he thought  that I had already been waiting, and that it was my turn. Even though the guy that I cut in front of looked kinda pissed, I wasn't about to turn around and  get at the back of the line. Last week I waited in it over an hour and even  though I feel kinda bad for that guy, it was worth it. My eyes are getting tired of staring at this screen and I'm for my time to be up. I guess I still have a  few minutes until dinner starts so I'll write for a little while longer. I didn't get much sleep last night because I just couldn't fall asleep for some reason. Some friends and I watched the movie The Program, and that lasted until about 2:30, and I still couldn't go to bed after that. I didn't have to wake up until 10:00, but I only had like 5 hours of sleep. Hopefully I can go to bed tonight with no problem. My hands are getting a little sweaty from typing so much, but I really do like to type. I'm not all familiar with the internet and the web, but  I would like to be. I'm in an English lab class, so that will probably help me out a lot. I'm sitting next a guy that can type about 400 words a second-at least that's what it sounds like-and it is kind of getting on my nerves. ",Emotions: Indifference,"I am currently sitting in the computer lab in the lobby of Jester. I have just finished my final class for the day, so I figured that I would go ahead and get caught up on my homework for my psychology class. I have never taken any kind  of psychology class, so I don't really know what to expect. Hopefully it won't be a hard class because some of my other ones are pretty hard, and I wasn't use to doing a lot of work and studying in high school. I liked high school a lot, and kind of wish that I was still in it. I sort of miss all of my friends and it just isn't the same to party without all of them. I went home for the Labor Day holidays and partied with them, but now that I'm back in Austin everything has changed back again. I haven't really met many people since I've been here, but I can say that there are quite a few weird people. Hopefully I will get use to Austin soon because it hasn't really worked out too well just yet. I've  already received two speeding tickets, a parking ticket, and had my truck towed once since I moved in two weeks ago. My parents aren't too happy with me right  now, so I've got to get good grades to get them off of my back. I keep screwing  up on this computer and don't really know what I'm doing. I never have been too good with computers-even though I have taken several classes in high school. I  can type rather quickly, but that is about all. My fingers are getting tired of typing because I haven't typed all summer. I guess I need to get use to it since I'm going to be doing a lot of it now that I'm in college. I'm not too happy  right now because I have to type this paper in the lobby computer room. I just  brought back with me a notebook computer that my mom gave me, but I can't get the CD-ROM to work. The stupid thing won't read the disks for some reason, so I haven't been able to hook up the UT Connect package that I just bought. I think I made a few people mad when I went to purchase that UT Connect package because  there was a long line and I sort of cut to the front on accident. I was just  trying to ask the person a question about what line to get in, and he thought  that I had already been waiting, and that it was my turn. Even though the guy that I cut in front of looked kinda pissed, I wasn't about to turn around and  get at the back of the line. Last week I waited in it over an hour and even  though I feel kinda bad for that guy, it was worth it. My eyes are getting tired of staring at this screen and I'm for my time to be up. I guess I still have a  few minutes until dinner starts so I'll write for a little while longer. I didn't get much sleep last night because I just couldn't fall asleep for some reason. Some friends and I watched the movie The Program, and that lasted until about 2:30, and I still couldn't go to bed after that. I didn't have to wake up until 10:00, but I only had like 5 hours of sleep. Hopefully I can go to bed tonight with no problem. My hands are getting a little sweaty from typing so much, but I really do like to type. I'm not all familiar with the internet and the web, but  I would like to be. I'm in an English lab class, so that will probably help me out a lot. I'm sitting next a guy that can type about 400 words a second-at least that's what it sounds like-and it is kind of getting on my nerves. ",Emotions,Indifference
2003_392.txt,"OK, I have writer's block. I guess I'll think of this assignment as a diary. Today was a pretty interesting day. I met a lot of people who spoke Spanish, so that made me feel more at home. This stupid bracelet is bothering me. I miss Isaac, my ex-boyfriend. I wonder if anyone's going to read this nonsense, and who ever is reading this, I feel sorry for them. I'm not that cool in my head. My room mate is gone. She is bowling. I wonder what she is doing. Maybe sitting there bored. She is always bored everywhere we go she has this face, that makes me bored. I miss my family, even though when I'm there I don't really talk to them. I guess I'm just used to them being around. I wonder if I'm prone to meningitis? Should I get the shot?  Knowing my luck, if I don't get, I'll be well, to dead in 24 hours. I'm scared of needles. Damn, I'm scared of everything!    Oh, crap almost erased everything I had written. Computers are not for me. What is for me?  I like Psychology. The lectures are super interesting. Do I have any better word?  Nah, interesting is an OK word. I feel so non-intellectual. See, that just shows my inability to express myself in words. Physically I'm very expressive. But I that's what I think. My ex probably doesn't think so. No, he does. I miss reading in U. I. L. I just realized that being in college makes you miss a lot of things. I wonder if I'm going to make it out of here?  Sometimes I meet people just like me and tell myself, don't worry you're not alone, but other times people are so articulate in class it intimidates me. I set a goal for myself when I first got here and I can't do it. I'm suppose to ask at least one question per class per week. But I just can't with all those people staring at me. Once I open my mouth, they're going to realize what an idiot I am. This sounds so cliché. Other people probably wrote all these philosophical questions on their stream of consciousness, like Why are we here? Did Aristotle believe that as humans. Well, I don't write like that. I'm just a bundle of unanswered questions. Ahhh, my back's starting to hurt. I like that guy who walked me to my room. Is that all were suppose to write. OK never mind. That girl from Columbia is really nice. She reminds me of a friend from Del Rio. I hope I meet more people like her. It'll help me sleep better. I've had really bad insomnia. I could be depressed or just a freshman in UT. Maybe both. I don't get what happened to my first letter in every sentence. It disappeared into the left side. What did I push?  OK 40 seconds left. I'm so glad I'm almost done with my first assignment. Is this what he wanted?  I hope I did this right. Bye. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"OK, I have writer's block. I guess I'll think of this assignment as a diary. Today was a pretty interesting day. I met a lot of people who spoke Spanish, so that made me feel more at home. This stupid bracelet is bothering me. I miss Isaac, my ex-boyfriend. I wonder if anyone's going to read this nonsense, and who ever is reading this, I feel sorry for them. I'm not that cool in my head. My room mate is gone. She is bowling. I wonder what she is doing. Maybe sitting there bored. She is always bored everywhere we go she has this face, that makes me bored. I miss my family, even though when I'm there I don't really talk to them. I guess I'm just used to them being around. I wonder if I'm prone to meningitis? Should I get the shot?  Knowing my luck, if I don't get, I'll be well, to dead in 24 hours. I'm scared of needles. Damn, I'm scared of everything!    Oh, crap almost erased everything I had written. Computers are not for me. What is for me?  I like Psychology. The lectures are super interesting. Do I have any better word?  Nah, interesting is an OK word. I feel so non-intellectual. See, that just shows my inability to express myself in words. Physically I'm very expressive. But I that's what I think. My ex probably doesn't think so. No, he does. I miss reading in U. I. L. I just realized that being in college makes you miss a lot of things. I wonder if I'm going to make it out of here?  Sometimes I meet people just like me and tell myself, don't worry you're not alone, but other times people are so articulate in class it intimidates me. I set a goal for myself when I first got here and I can't do it. I'm suppose to ask at least one question per class per week. But I just can't with all those people staring at me. Once I open my mouth, they're going to realize what an idiot I am. This sounds so cliché. Other people probably wrote all these philosophical questions on their stream of consciousness, like Why are we here? Did Aristotle believe that as humans. Well, I don't write like that. I'm just a bundle of unanswered questions. Ahhh, my back's starting to hurt. I like that guy who walked me to my room. Is that all were suppose to write. OK never mind. That girl from Columbia is really nice. She reminds me of a friend from Del Rio. I hope I meet more people like her. It'll help me sleep better. I've had really bad insomnia. I could be depressed or just a freshman in UT. Maybe both. I don't get what happened to my first letter in every sentence. It disappeared into the left side. What did I push?  OK 40 seconds left. I'm so glad I'm almost done with my first assignment. Is this what he wanted?  I hope I did this right. Bye. ",Emotions,Anxiety
2003_46.txt,"well, here I am. writing this essay. ok sorry that was a bit corny. you know. well I just got done taking my first college test in chemistry. it wasn't too bad I guess. but the fact that I stayed you till 2:30 in the morning didn't help much. last night I went to a place called posse. it's a bar that a lot of the people in the band go to. I had a blast! of course I drove and so I had to drive back which wouldn't have been so bad except that it was raining last night. I have a C parking permit. yeah. it's the one that makes you park across the interstate. can you see me running across the interstate soaking wet? it wasn't too much fun. but I got here and got my materials, and started studying in my soaking wet clothes (I had to stay clothed cause I was in my hallway. my roommate was asleep and I didn't want to wake him up. ) I studied a bit, and then got kinda bored with it so I went and got my guitar and played it out in my hallway. I'm pretty sure I broke some rule about quiet hours, but it didn't seem to bother anyone. I was quiet and the songs were soft and pretty. I like to play guitar before I go to bed. it helps me wind down. actually I like to play the guitar anyways. it's such a chick magnet. I have gotten a lot of play just cause I can play the guitar. it's nice. and it's therapeutic. playing guitar that is. I would expect getting booty is pretty therapeutic in some way, but that's not what I'm talking about. it helps me with my problems. I'm not too sure how. well, I guess it just helps me express my emotions and get them out of my system. I like it anyways. I love music. not only listening to it, but performing it as well. I'm in the longhorn band! now that kicks total ass! I mean it's huge, it's a lot of fun, and we get into all the games for free! and actually, this is the best part, WE GET PAID TO GO TO THE OU GAME! YES, THAT'S RIGHT, THEY GIVE US MONEY TO GO TO THE OU GAME! I love thinking about that. all those poor kids with their bracelets. oh well. such is life. I love football too! and what better place to go than here! our football team kicks ass!@! ok. so I don't know where to go from here. hmm. I guess I could talk about how weird it is that when we're asked to think about anything the first thing we do is well, not really think. ya know? is that due to nervousness? is it just some bad habit that teenagers and adults of late have acquired? who knows. I was talking to a friend in your class and she said that she was going to have a hard time wetting this. I think this is pretty easy. I'm fairly scatterbrained so it's cool. I've been noticing this more and more lately. I know I don't have add or anything, but I find myself being absent minded every once in a while. I wonder if add is a real thing. I mean I never really disputed it, but I have friends that think that add is a problem of will power. but who knows. alright. 4 minutes left. what shall I write about for 4 minutes. I'm sure there are some other ramblings I could think of. I play the sax. yeah. I like it. my biology class sucks, both of them really. my 212 is better than my 211 but who cares. I guess I should learn to like them though cause biology is my major. I want to go premed. and become a surgeon. we'll see how that goes I guess. if I don't make it in that, I'll probably switch to music. it would be nice and a music degree from UT has literally a 100% job acceptance rate. that is no lie. and that's a really good deal. we have a great music program here. we also have an awesome social life here. there's always something to do and someone to talk to . ooooooooooohhhh! less than a minute! almost through! what should I write!?!?! I don't know! oh I know! I'll write about   ",Emotions: Empathy,"well, here I am. writing this essay. ok sorry that was a bit corny. you know. well I just got done taking my first college test in chemistry. it wasn't too bad I guess. but the fact that I stayed you till 2:30 in the morning didn't help much. last night I went to a place called posse. it's a bar that a lot of the people in the band go to. I had a blast! of course I drove and so I had to drive back which wouldn't have been so bad except that it was raining last night. I have a C parking permit. yeah. it's the one that makes you park across the interstate. can you see me running across the interstate soaking wet? it wasn't too much fun. but I got here and got my materials, and started studying in my soaking wet clothes (I had to stay clothed cause I was in my hallway. my roommate was asleep and I didn't want to wake him up. ) I studied a bit, and then got kinda bored with it so I went and got my guitar and played it out in my hallway. I'm pretty sure I broke some rule about quiet hours, but it didn't seem to bother anyone. I was quiet and the songs were soft and pretty. I like to play guitar before I go to bed. it helps me wind down. actually I like to play the guitar anyways. it's such a chick magnet. I have gotten a lot of play just cause I can play the guitar. it's nice. and it's therapeutic. playing guitar that is. I would expect getting booty is pretty therapeutic in some way, but that's not what I'm talking about. it helps me with my problems. I'm not too sure how. well, I guess it just helps me express my emotions and get them out of my system. I like it anyways. I love music. not only listening to it, but performing it as well. I'm in the longhorn band! now that kicks total ass! I mean it's huge, it's a lot of fun, and we get into all the games for free! and actually, this is the best part, WE GET PAID TO GO TO THE OU GAME! YES, THAT'S RIGHT, THEY GIVE US MONEY TO GO TO THE OU GAME! I love thinking about that. all those poor kids with their bracelets. oh well. such is life. I love football too! and what better place to go than here! our football team kicks ass!@! ok. so I don't know where to go from here. hmm. I guess I could talk about how weird it is that when we're asked to think about anything the first thing we do is well, not really think. ya know? is that due to nervousness? is it just some bad habit that teenagers and adults of late have acquired? who knows. I was talking to a friend in your class and she said that she was going to have a hard time wetting this. I think this is pretty easy. I'm fairly scatterbrained so it's cool. I've been noticing this more and more lately. I know I don't have add or anything, but I find myself being absent minded every once in a while. I wonder if add is a real thing. I mean I never really disputed it, but I have friends that think that add is a problem of will power. but who knows. alright. 4 minutes left. what shall I write about for 4 minutes. I'm sure there are some other ramblings I could think of. I play the sax. yeah. I like it. my biology class sucks, both of them really. my 212 is better than my 211 but who cares. I guess I should learn to like them though cause biology is my major. I want to go premed. and become a surgeon. we'll see how that goes I guess. if I don't make it in that, I'll probably switch to music. it would be nice and a music degree from UT has literally a 100% job acceptance rate. that is no lie. and that's a really good deal. we have a great music program here. we also have an awesome social life here. there's always something to do and someone to talk to . ooooooooooohhhh! less than a minute! almost through! what should I write!?!?! I don't know! oh I know! I'll write about   ",Emotions,Empathy
2000_952391.txt,"I'm really use to writing for long periods of time straight and not stop. I keep a little diary myself and write my thoughts and feelings down whenever they overwhelm me. I suppose it's some sort of stress release because I always feel better afterwards. Writing in my diary has allowed me to express my feelings and emotions onto paper. This way, it's easy for me to look at it and then maybe figure out how I am to deal with the emotions. Some things I write about are problems with my relationships with other people. One entry I wrote just recently was about a problem with this guy. There was just so much pressure on me from this guy that liked me that I couldn't really stand it anymore. He told me he liked me, and I suppose he expected me to just like him back. Don't get me wrong, he is a good friend of mine. Maybe that's why it was so hard. But anyways, I was able to express my contained feelings into my diary. It really did help a lot. When I first heard of this assignment on writing for 20 minutes straight without stopping I thought to myself ""wow, this will be fun"". My roommate, on the other hand groaned and said she would never be able to do something like that. She says there's just not that much to write about. I told her how she could just write bout her day or whatever. 20 minutes goes by pretty quickly if you think about it. It's already been about 5 minutes since I started. I'm typing kind of fast. I suppose it's the flow of the words. Since there's no really structure on this assignment, I can write without thinking too much. I had a pretty harsh day today. Didn't set my alarm clock, thus I woke up 10 minutes before my first class started. And my teacher Is a real stickler for this timing thing. She wants us in our seats and ready to go by the time class starts. That is usually what I would do, but today, I really couldn't do much about that. I hate walking into class late. There's only about 500 zillion people that look at you when you walk in. And you know what they're thinking, ""man, SHE's late"". I don't like that feeling. Well after the lecture (which I understood very well) I had to go back home because I hadn't brushed my teeth or anything yet. The whole way back I was thinking, ""man. it's too early in the year to be starting this"". But I got over it. Told my friends and laughed at it for a little bit. That's one of the reasons I love having my old friends here at UT. There's always someone there for you. It's like bringing a little bit of home with you. I live with one of my old friends from high school and she's an awesome roommate. Her boyfriend is also one of my good friends. And his roommate is the guy that I mentioned earlier. that likes me. Then I have many other old friends that are hear with me, and it just makes me feel more safe and comfortable. But I know I need to make other friends and I do. I like to just talk to people I don't know. You know that old rule ""never talk to strangers?"" Well, I don't follow that one too well. It's always nice to meet new people. They can always share new things with you that you couldn't get if you just stayed with your comfort zone. I like to venture out and make friends and do new things. People that don't like to do that, I feel, are too closed and unwilling to experiment and find out. It's scary being here. A brand new place with all these HUGE buildings towering above. Scattering around like ants looking for classes. In Houston, we have big buildings and classes too, but, everything is so familiar there. I miss it, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere but here right now. I love the new atmosphere and environment UT provides. There are so many things to do. I'm enjoying it a lot. Maybe that's why I don't really feel a whole lot of stress with the new classes and deadlines and everything. I guess in happy here and that's what's most important to me. All the other things I can deal with as long as I'm feeling good. ",Emotions: Excitement,"I'm really use to writing for long periods of time straight and not stop. I keep a little diary myself and write my thoughts and feelings down whenever they overwhelm me. I suppose it's some sort of stress release because I always feel better afterwards. Writing in my diary has allowed me to express my feelings and emotions onto paper. This way, it's easy for me to look at it and then maybe figure out how I am to deal with the emotions. Some things I write about are problems with my relationships with other people. One entry I wrote just recently was about a problem with this guy. There was just so much pressure on me from this guy that liked me that I couldn't really stand it anymore. He told me he liked me, and I suppose he expected me to just like him back. Don't get me wrong, he is a good friend of mine. Maybe that's why it was so hard. But anyways, I was able to express my contained feelings into my diary. It really did help a lot. When I first heard of this assignment on writing for 20 minutes straight without stopping I thought to myself ""wow, this will be fun"". My roommate, on the other hand groaned and said she would never be able to do something like that. She says there's just not that much to write about. I told her how she could just write bout her day or whatever. 20 minutes goes by pretty quickly if you think about it. It's already been about 5 minutes since I started. I'm typing kind of fast. I suppose it's the flow of the words. Since there's no really structure on this assignment, I can write without thinking too much. I had a pretty harsh day today. Didn't set my alarm clock, thus I woke up 10 minutes before my first class started. And my teacher Is a real stickler for this timing thing. She wants us in our seats and ready to go by the time class starts. That is usually what I would do, but today, I really couldn't do much about that. I hate walking into class late. There's only about 500 zillion people that look at you when you walk in. And you know what they're thinking, ""man, SHE's late"". I don't like that feeling. Well after the lecture (which I understood very well) I had to go back home because I hadn't brushed my teeth or anything yet. The whole way back I was thinking, ""man. it's too early in the year to be starting this"". But I got over it. Told my friends and laughed at it for a little bit. That's one of the reasons I love having my old friends here at UT. There's always someone there for you. It's like bringing a little bit of home with you. I live with one of my old friends from high school and she's an awesome roommate. Her boyfriend is also one of my good friends. And his roommate is the guy that I mentioned earlier. that likes me. Then I have many other old friends that are hear with me, and it just makes me feel more safe and comfortable. But I know I need to make other friends and I do. I like to just talk to people I don't know. You know that old rule ""never talk to strangers?"" Well, I don't follow that one too well. It's always nice to meet new people. They can always share new things with you that you couldn't get if you just stayed with your comfort zone. I like to venture out and make friends and do new things. People that don't like to do that, I feel, are too closed and unwilling to experiment and find out. It's scary being here. A brand new place with all these HUGE buildings towering above. Scattering around like ants looking for classes. In Houston, we have big buildings and classes too, but, everything is so familiar there. I miss it, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere but here right now. I love the new atmosphere and environment UT provides. There are so many things to do. I'm enjoying it a lot. Maybe that's why I don't really feel a whole lot of stress with the new classes and deadlines and everything. I guess in happy here and that's what's most important to me. All the other things I can deal with as long as I'm feeling good. ",Emotions,Excitement
2000_890770.txt,"I am running from something. From who I was and where I was. Maybe not running from. Maybe running to something. Everything I see changes. My life is one constant storm, one sunset. I don't spend enough time thinking about who I am. I am attracted to things that are not always the best for me. I think I can fix them. I like to visit my past. Sometimes it is nice to bask in something comfortable. I sit in your glow and warmth. I run to you thinking that you will wrap me in your arms offer me something stable. Something that makes me feel like I know something about my life. I was thinking today as I was walking on campus that you are the only one I would like to run up to and kiss. Then you come at me with your fists up and all I can do is shrivel and draw back. I loose the urge to hold you. for a minute. I wish I could shake you. I sometimes wish I could shake myself. Just get out of my own life for a minute so I would get a new perspective. Do you think I am wonderful? Do you wish that I would let you love me? When I was running today I pounded out all of my aggression and all that I was left with was tears. Do you ever have the feeling that anger is a mask for pain. I think I play that game a lot. Hide what I feel. Or maybe I don't ask. Don't look inside my heart. Too many challenges follow. I am happy though. Proud of myself for the distance that I have walked and that I take another step every day. I wish you would stop me sometimes. Grab my hand and beg me to say. Tell me from your own mouth what your life is like with out me. Admit to me that I am the light that causes you to have a shadow. You never admit things like that. Too much pride to loose I guess. I let you fill me. I made you my home. Then so much of what I thought we had and what I thought we were did not exist. Very confusing. And painful to tell you and me the truth. I wish I had something beautiful to say. I wish I was the rain that washed down over the whole world. Beautiful gray drops that just make you want to stay in your warm bed. They are comfort and beauty and a rare surprise. They can be gentle and subtle. Or they can fall with a vengeance drench you make you remember things you want to forget. Create a spectacle in the sky. Lightening strikes my heart. I wish I was the lightening that struck your heart. Then I remember that I am lucky. So many people never find what I have. The ability to love, be loved, lay beside someone. Hold them, think them, feel them. I am lucky to have found people that will hold me with out making me pay them back, love me without asking when I will notice. With those people in mind I decide to get out of the life I live with you. Focus on them. Devote time to them. Hold them in return for once. Decide who I am and quit letting you define me. I think I will be happier that way. I think maybe it is time to let my light shine. ",Emotions: Loneliness,"I am running from something. From who I was and where I was. Maybe not running from. Maybe running to something. Everything I see changes. My life is one constant storm, one sunset. I don't spend enough time thinking about who I am. I am attracted to things that are not always the best for me. I think I can fix them. I like to visit my past. Sometimes it is nice to bask in something comfortable. I sit in your glow and warmth. I run to you thinking that you will wrap me in your arms offer me something stable. Something that makes me feel like I know something about my life. I was thinking today as I was walking on campus that you are the only one I would like to run up to and kiss. Then you come at me with your fists up and all I can do is shrivel and draw back. I loose the urge to hold you. for a minute. I wish I could shake you. I sometimes wish I could shake myself. Just get out of my own life for a minute so I would get a new perspective. Do you think I am wonderful? Do you wish that I would let you love me? When I was running today I pounded out all of my aggression and all that I was left with was tears. Do you ever have the feeling that anger is a mask for pain. I think I play that game a lot. Hide what I feel. Or maybe I don't ask. Don't look inside my heart. Too many challenges follow. I am happy though. Proud of myself for the distance that I have walked and that I take another step every day. I wish you would stop me sometimes. Grab my hand and beg me to say. Tell me from your own mouth what your life is like with out me. Admit to me that I am the light that causes you to have a shadow. You never admit things like that. Too much pride to loose I guess. I let you fill me. I made you my home. Then so much of what I thought we had and what I thought we were did not exist. Very confusing. And painful to tell you and me the truth. I wish I had something beautiful to say. I wish I was the rain that washed down over the whole world. Beautiful gray drops that just make you want to stay in your warm bed. They are comfort and beauty and a rare surprise. They can be gentle and subtle. Or they can fall with a vengeance drench you make you remember things you want to forget. Create a spectacle in the sky. Lightening strikes my heart. I wish I was the lightening that struck your heart. Then I remember that I am lucky. So many people never find what I have. The ability to love, be loved, lay beside someone. Hold them, think them, feel them. I am lucky to have found people that will hold me with out making me pay them back, love me without asking when I will notice. With those people in mind I decide to get out of the life I live with you. Focus on them. Devote time to them. Hold them in return for once. Decide who I am and quit letting you define me. I think I will be happier that way. I think maybe it is time to let my light shine. ",Emotions,Loneliness
1997_369589.txt,"Stream of consciousness, I just ate breakfast and my stomach hurts, my stomach hurt when I got in my first accident two years ago. stupid car, I got in a wreck just recently I was going down the road and I came to a usual stop behind a car sat there for about 3 sec an the stupid ford ranger just came billowing into my rear end and crushed it, what are you looking for, would this be considered paranoia,  why do you care so much about what I am thinking, I want to go home some times but to the home you see in movies, the ones with home cooked meals and clean rooms or even sofas to sleep on and it would be a good experience. I really want a dog, my do at home really sucks, she is old and acts like a cat, a robber came into our house a few years ago and the dog peed on itself the ran away, stupid dog. do you think I hold allot of hostility, I like to portray I don't care what anyone thinks, but that is not always true because some time to reach my goal I have to care a little bit, stupid hormones. you probably will not even read this so I guess it really does not matter exactly what I say. I wonder how long these things usually are, mine based on the amount of time I have spent writing will be four lines long, but those are some really long lines. I thing the guy next to me is hitting enter, so his is longer than mine. you know your class is too big it is hard to get any interaction so it gets boring. I tell my friend he has , he is not my friend, but I tell him he has no tact, but when I think about it neither do I and I grub with my money because I do not have much of it too spend I am 'a broke bitch!!' actually my lines are probably going to add up to about 3, but that is cool, the gut next to me has not written for 20 min, but hey jip the man, that is my motto, take as much as you can and get your moneys worth, I leave the lights on all the time in my dorm room because I want to waste electricity, and I leave the water running in the sink when I brush my teeth!!  yeah jip the man. I really want a computer in my room and it is upsetting that I do not have one because I have had one all my life and I am supposed to start right now not having one what kind of cruel god designated the lot in my life for. I want to learn to hack into very large computer and take control of them, haha!! I will the most powerful man in the world,  my and my delusions of grandure@idiot. com. what ever, I figured out that that could be take as an insult, doesn't surprise me though, people take to much to the heart these days!  this girl I met she is a room mate of a friend of mine, but she is constantly telling people about her promissory ring and about her boy friend, but then after a party she messes around with my best friend, it is not that I am jealous of he so much that he got to mess around with her but the fact she did it at all, he gets some much action. I kind of respected her bitchiness, but then she had to go off and just go back on everything she said. dork. I am kind of jealous of the fact that Joe messed, really broke her, that is kind of cool, and I wish I got to do it just for the reason of doing it. I really need to get a girl friend, I want some one I can rely on every once on in a while. beats the hell out of me,  girls are too confusing. music can control my feelings, NIN can send an adrenaline rush at me hard core. I drink too much when I drink. I do not drink all the time it is just when I do I drink too muck of it, so nothing can stop me now. I am out, this is cool I might do this again. later. ",Emotions: Frustration,"Stream of consciousness, I just ate breakfast and my stomach hurts, my stomach hurt when I got in my first accident two years ago. stupid car, I got in a wreck just recently I was going down the road and I came to a usual stop behind a car sat there for about 3 sec an the stupid ford ranger just came billowing into my rear end and crushed it, what are you looking for, would this be considered paranoia,  why do you care so much about what I am thinking, I want to go home some times but to the home you see in movies, the ones with home cooked meals and clean rooms or even sofas to sleep on and it would be a good experience. I really want a dog, my do at home really sucks, she is old and acts like a cat, a robber came into our house a few years ago and the dog peed on itself the ran away, stupid dog. do you think I hold allot of hostility, I like to portray I don't care what anyone thinks, but that is not always true because some time to reach my goal I have to care a little bit, stupid hormones. you probably will not even read this so I guess it really does not matter exactly what I say. I wonder how long these things usually are, mine based on the amount of time I have spent writing will be four lines long, but those are some really long lines. I thing the guy next to me is hitting enter, so his is longer than mine. you know your class is too big it is hard to get any interaction so it gets boring. I tell my friend he has , he is not my friend, but I tell him he has no tact, but when I think about it neither do I and I grub with my money because I do not have much of it too spend I am 'a broke bitch!!' actually my lines are probably going to add up to about 3, but that is cool, the gut next to me has not written for 20 min, but hey jip the man, that is my motto, take as much as you can and get your moneys worth, I leave the lights on all the time in my dorm room because I want to waste electricity, and I leave the water running in the sink when I brush my teeth!!  yeah jip the man. I really want a computer in my room and it is upsetting that I do not have one because I have had one all my life and I am supposed to start right now not having one what kind of cruel god designated the lot in my life for. I want to learn to hack into very large computer and take control of them, haha!! I will the most powerful man in the world,  my and my delusions of grandure@idiot. com. what ever, I figured out that that could be take as an insult, doesn't surprise me though, people take to much to the heart these days!  this girl I met she is a room mate of a friend of mine, but she is constantly telling people about her promissory ring and about her boy friend, but then after a party she messes around with my best friend, it is not that I am jealous of he so much that he got to mess around with her but the fact she did it at all, he gets some much action. I kind of respected her bitchiness, but then she had to go off and just go back on everything she said. dork. I am kind of jealous of the fact that Joe messed, really broke her, that is kind of cool, and I wish I got to do it just for the reason of doing it. I really need to get a girl friend, I want some one I can rely on every once on in a while. beats the hell out of me,  girls are too confusing. music can control my feelings, NIN can send an adrenaline rush at me hard core. I drink too much when I drink. I do not drink all the time it is just when I do I drink too muck of it, so nothing can stop me now. I am out, this is cool I might do this again. later. ",Emotions,Frustration
2000_845859.txt,"I always knew college was about being on your own and being independent. Maybe I have been so busy that I didn't realize I was completely on my own until I got sick. Being sick is just one of those things I have never had to accomplish on my own. I always had my mom to take me to the doctor and even after I could drive, I still loved her company. I also knew that she would get me my medicine and make sure I was taken good care of. Being away from my mom and that comfort zone was not very easy when I became sick. It has definitely shown me that I depend on other people a lot, especially my mom. If there is one thing I am looking forward to about college, it is growing as a person. I hope to become more independent and prepare myself for the future years ahead. I always went away to camp during the summer and spent six weeks in Israel one summer but for some reason, being in college is a much different feeling. I want to be able to do things completely on my own without consulting others, like my parents. I think the greatest thing I need to conquer is decisionmaking. I have always been bad at making up my own mind without asking someone else if I am making the right decision. I hope being in college will teach me to make good decisions and become that independent person I want to become. Already being away from home has taught me so much about myself and how it feels to be distant from that comfort zone. Just like most things, I know it will only take time and patience. ",Emotions: Worry,"I always knew college was about being on your own and being independent. Maybe I have been so busy that I didn't realize I was completely on my own until I got sick. Being sick is just one of those things I have never had to accomplish on my own. I always had my mom to take me to the doctor and even after I could drive, I still loved her company. I also knew that she would get me my medicine and make sure I was taken good care of. Being away from my mom and that comfort zone was not very easy when I became sick. It has definitely shown me that I depend on other people a lot, especially my mom. If there is one thing I am looking forward to about college, it is growing as a person. I hope to become more independent and prepare myself for the future years ahead. I always went away to camp during the summer and spent six weeks in Israel one summer but for some reason, being in college is a much different feeling. I want to be able to do things completely on my own without consulting others, like my parents. I think the greatest thing I need to conquer is decisionmaking. I have always been bad at making up my own mind without asking someone else if I am making the right decision. I hope being in college will teach me to make good decisions and become that independent person I want to become. Already being away from home has taught me so much about myself and how it feels to be distant from that comfort zone. Just like most things, I know it will only take time and patience. ",Emotions,Worry
2003_392.txt,"OK, I have writer's block. I guess I'll think of this assignment as a diary. Today was a pretty interesting day. I met a lot of people who spoke Spanish, so that made me feel more at home. This stupid bracelet is bothering me. I miss Isaac, my ex-boyfriend. I wonder if anyone's going to read this nonsense, and who ever is reading this, I feel sorry for them. I'm not that cool in my head. My room mate is gone. She is bowling. I wonder what she is doing. Maybe sitting there bored. She is always bored everywhere we go she has this face, that makes me bored. I miss my family, even though when I'm there I don't really talk to them. I guess I'm just used to them being around. I wonder if I'm prone to meningitis? Should I get the shot?  Knowing my luck, if I don't get, I'll be well, to dead in 24 hours. I'm scared of needles. Damn, I'm scared of everything!    Oh, crap almost erased everything I had written. Computers are not for me. What is for me?  I like Psychology. The lectures are super interesting. Do I have any better word?  Nah, interesting is an OK word. I feel so non-intellectual. See, that just shows my inability to express myself in words. Physically I'm very expressive. But I that's what I think. My ex probably doesn't think so. No, he does. I miss reading in U. I. L. I just realized that being in college makes you miss a lot of things. I wonder if I'm going to make it out of here?  Sometimes I meet people just like me and tell myself, don't worry you're not alone, but other times people are so articulate in class it intimidates me. I set a goal for myself when I first got here and I can't do it. I'm suppose to ask at least one question per class per week. But I just can't with all those people staring at me. Once I open my mouth, they're going to realize what an idiot I am. This sounds so cliché. Other people probably wrote all these philosophical questions on their stream of consciousness, like Why are we here? Did Aristotle believe that as humans. Well, I don't write like that. I'm just a bundle of unanswered questions. Ahhh, my back's starting to hurt. I like that guy who walked me to my room. Is that all were suppose to write. OK never mind. That girl from Columbia is really nice. She reminds me of a friend from Del Rio. I hope I meet more people like her. It'll help me sleep better. I've had really bad insomnia. I could be depressed or just a freshman in UT. Maybe both. I don't get what happened to my first letter in every sentence. It disappeared into the left side. What did I push?  OK 40 seconds left. I'm so glad I'm almost done with my first assignment. Is this what he wanted?  I hope I did this right. Bye. ",Thinking styles: Considerate Thinking,"OK, I have writer's block. I guess I'll think of this assignment as a diary. Today was a pretty interesting day. I met a lot of people who spoke Spanish, so that made me feel more at home. This stupid bracelet is bothering me. I miss Isaac, my ex-boyfriend. I wonder if anyone's going to read this nonsense, and who ever is reading this, I feel sorry for them. I'm not that cool in my head. My room mate is gone. She is bowling. I wonder what she is doing. Maybe sitting there bored. She is always bored everywhere we go she has this face, that makes me bored. I miss my family, even though when I'm there I don't really talk to them. I guess I'm just used to them being around. I wonder if I'm prone to meningitis? Should I get the shot?  Knowing my luck, if I don't get, I'll be well, to dead in 24 hours. I'm scared of needles. Damn, I'm scared of everything!    Oh, crap almost erased everything I had written. Computers are not for me. What is for me?  I like Psychology. The lectures are super interesting. Do I have any better word?  Nah, interesting is an OK word. I feel so non-intellectual. See, that just shows my inability to express myself in words. Physically I'm very expressive. But I that's what I think. My ex probably doesn't think so. No, he does. I miss reading in U. I. L. I just realized that being in college makes you miss a lot of things. I wonder if I'm going to make it out of here?  Sometimes I meet people just like me and tell myself, don't worry you're not alone, but other times people are so articulate in class it intimidates me. I set a goal for myself when I first got here and I can't do it. I'm suppose to ask at least one question per class per week. But I just can't with all those people staring at me. Once I open my mouth, they're going to realize what an idiot I am. This sounds so cliché. Other people probably wrote all these philosophical questions on their stream of consciousness, like Why are we here? Did Aristotle believe that as humans. Well, I don't write like that. I'm just a bundle of unanswered questions. Ahhh, my back's starting to hurt. I like that guy who walked me to my room. Is that all were suppose to write. OK never mind. That girl from Columbia is really nice. She reminds me of a friend from Del Rio. I hope I meet more people like her. It'll help me sleep better. I've had really bad insomnia. I could be depressed or just a freshman in UT. Maybe both. I don't get what happened to my first letter in every sentence. It disappeared into the left side. What did I push?  OK 40 seconds left. I'm so glad I'm almost done with my first assignment. Is this what he wanted?  I hope I did this right. Bye. ",Thinking styles,Considerate Thinking
2004_257.txt,"     well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students!  so why am I here?  Am I anywhere better than them?  Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people?  what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell?  hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing?  I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here?  Or is it something else?  Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that?  What am I searching for?  Trying to reach a perfect life?  I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first ""friend"" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they?  People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom?  What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation?  Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles?  I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture!  That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!!  And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid. ",Thinking styles: Reflective,"     well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students!  so why am I here?  Am I anywhere better than them?  Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people?  what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell?  hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing?  I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here?  Or is it something else?  Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that?  What am I searching for?  Trying to reach a perfect life?  I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first ""friend"" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they?  People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom?  What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation?  Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles?  I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture!  That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!!  And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid. ",Thinking styles,Reflective
1997_918806.txt,"I'm just sitting here thinking while I wait for my clothes to clean. While sitting here I realize how much my life is different in Austin rather than two hundred and eighty miles away in Nederland. For example, I always had someone to do my laundry there and if I did it myself I never had to wait for a washing machine. The thing I miss most about Nederland is not having my friends around. Even though my best friend and my girlfriend are also attending U. T and both are staying in Jester I still miss my other friends a lot. I always thought when I came to Austin it was going to be so much fun, but now I realize there is a lot of work involved. Only a week has gone by since I got here and I already have so much to do. That is another thing I miss about home, the ability to do nothing if I so desire. Here ""doing nothing"" is not an option. I feel that if I do nothing I will fall behind and just be wasting time. I miss the little things about home. Even though my girlfriend lives here I miss being able to go to each others house. Sure we can go to each others dorm rooms but I miss the feeling of home and hanging out with her family and mine. That is another thing I have not mentioned yet, I miss my family. I honestly did not think I would but I do. I guess over time I will grow accustomed to living here and maybe eventually be able to call Austin my home. Well, it's time to put the clothes in the dryer so I guess this is the end. ",Thinking styles: Worrying,"I'm just sitting here thinking while I wait for my clothes to clean. While sitting here I realize how much my life is different in Austin rather than two hundred and eighty miles away in Nederland. For example, I always had someone to do my laundry there and if I did it myself I never had to wait for a washing machine. The thing I miss most about Nederland is not having my friends around. Even though my best friend and my girlfriend are also attending U. T and both are staying in Jester I still miss my other friends a lot. I always thought when I came to Austin it was going to be so much fun, but now I realize there is a lot of work involved. Only a week has gone by since I got here and I already have so much to do. That is another thing I miss about home, the ability to do nothing if I so desire. Here ""doing nothing"" is not an option. I feel that if I do nothing I will fall behind and just be wasting time. I miss the little things about home. Even though my girlfriend lives here I miss being able to go to each others house. Sure we can go to each others dorm rooms but I miss the feeling of home and hanging out with her family and mine. That is another thing I have not mentioned yet, I miss my family. I honestly did not think I would but I do. I guess over time I will grow accustomed to living here and maybe eventually be able to call Austin my home. Well, it's time to put the clothes in the dryer so I guess this is the end. ",Thinking styles,Worrying
2002_690395.txt,"Right now I am thinking about September 11th because i just got out of music class, and we discussed the emotional impact that music has on people. I never really thought about how emotional some songs make me feel. When my music teacher played   Amazing Grace   after reading an e-mail from a New York firefighter, I felt myself get teary eyed. It has been about 20 minutes since I've been in his class, and I still have that heart ache feeling thinking about the diffrent songs he played for the class. I also feel homesick. I keep thinking how i want to spend the anniversary of September 11th at home with my mom and dad. I am already homesick, and Wednesday is just going to intinsify my home sickness. I feel worried about my school work. I have so much homework that i need to get done that I'm starting to feel stressed out. I wish i would have study more these past two weeks instead of leaving the huge load I have now to the last minute. I don't think I'm ever going to catch up! I am really worried about Biology. It's an advanced class, and I have no idea what I'm doing in there. I still have an 11 paged packet that I must have done tomorrow. It's too hard though. I really wanted to go workout, but I don't feel like I have time. I want to go tanning but I have class at 3:30 and I needed to study inbetween my classes. I am really hungry. I want some buffalo wings. I think after I'm done typing this I'm going to order some Pluckers. I am also really thirsty, but I'm too lazy to go downstairs and get a coke. I'll just wait until I go get food. My room mate won't stop making noise which keeps breaking my train of thought. I really miss my nephew. I havn't got to see him in months. I hope when i go home this weekend I will be able to see him, but I doubt it beacuse his mom is such a psycho. She never lets us see him unless she wants something. I am going to call her and tell her I want to see him this weekend. I think I'll buy him a UT shirt before I leave on Friday. I put your picture away, sat down and cried for days. I can't look at you laying next to her. I wonder how Jess is doing. I havn't talked to her since i came to Austin. I hope she's doing better than when I left. This song sure does remind me of her. I hope her and Michael are talking again. It smells like clorox in my room. I need to spray some Lysol on here. Plus I need to clean my room. It's starting to get really messy. I wonder if that's bothering Crystal? She would tell if it was. Well, I'll clean my half just to be nice, and so I can be more organized. I need to do my laundry. I guess i could do it later. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"Right now I am thinking about September 11th because i just got out of music class, and we discussed the emotional impact that music has on people. I never really thought about how emotional some songs make me feel. When my music teacher played   Amazing Grace   after reading an e-mail from a New York firefighter, I felt myself get teary eyed. It has been about 20 minutes since I've been in his class, and I still have that heart ache feeling thinking about the diffrent songs he played for the class. I also feel homesick. I keep thinking how i want to spend the anniversary of September 11th at home with my mom and dad. I am already homesick, and Wednesday is just going to intinsify my home sickness. I feel worried about my school work. I have so much homework that i need to get done that I'm starting to feel stressed out. I wish i would have study more these past two weeks instead of leaving the huge load I have now to the last minute. I don't think I'm ever going to catch up! I am really worried about Biology. It's an advanced class, and I have no idea what I'm doing in there. I still have an 11 paged packet that I must have done tomorrow. It's too hard though. I really wanted to go workout, but I don't feel like I have time. I want to go tanning but I have class at 3:30 and I needed to study inbetween my classes. I am really hungry. I want some buffalo wings. I think after I'm done typing this I'm going to order some Pluckers. I am also really thirsty, but I'm too lazy to go downstairs and get a coke. I'll just wait until I go get food. My room mate won't stop making noise which keeps breaking my train of thought. I really miss my nephew. I havn't got to see him in months. I hope when i go home this weekend I will be able to see him, but I doubt it beacuse his mom is such a psycho. She never lets us see him unless she wants something. I am going to call her and tell her I want to see him this weekend. I think I'll buy him a UT shirt before I leave on Friday. I put your picture away, sat down and cried for days. I can't look at you laying next to her. I wonder how Jess is doing. I havn't talked to her since i came to Austin. I hope she's doing better than when I left. This song sure does remind me of her. I hope her and Michael are talking again. It smells like clorox in my room. I need to spray some Lysol on here. Plus I need to clean my room. It's starting to get really messy. I wonder if that's bothering Crystal? She would tell if it was. Well, I'll clean my half just to be nice, and so I can be more organized. I need to do my laundry. I guess i could do it later. ",Emotions,Anxiety
2000_917531.txt,"What I feel is that I have disappointed myself so far this semester. I planned on being so much more organized than I actually am. I look around my room and my desk and get really annoyed at myself. I think I am missing something in terms of college academic life. I feel that I should be stressed and overwhelmed because those have been my feelings for the past couple of years. In high school, I was always trying to outdo myself and get more involved. By the time my senior year came around, I was so involved in clubs and classes that I was burnt out before 1st semester was even over. Every class I took was based on the recommended courses for UT. Every club I joined was so I could put several different activities on my application. Now that I am in college, I wonder if I am serious about my major, Theatre and Dance. Don't get me wrong, I love performing, and in an ideal world, I would become a regular on Broadway. But I always secondguess my goals and the reality of them actually coming true. I have performed literally since I could walk and talk. I haven't appeared on any major stages or on television, but performing has always been a really significant part of my life. It has shaped me into the person I am now. I just keep thinking. ""is this really feasible or not. "" It is one of the few things that I am good at and have been successful in. I suppose I went into the College of Fine Arts because fine arts are so familiar and comfortable for me. I actually thought of becoming a clinical psychologist or a social worker for the latter part of my high school life; I even took a semester of psychology last year. But I came to this conclusion: I have too many problems of my own that I can barely deal with, so how on earth could I solve anyone else's problems? The answer: I could not. I don't know. I guess I will get more into the routine as the weeks roll by. Hopefully, I will be successful at UT. Time can only tell. ",Emotions: Empathy,"What I feel is that I have disappointed myself so far this semester. I planned on being so much more organized than I actually am. I look around my room and my desk and get really annoyed at myself. I think I am missing something in terms of college academic life. I feel that I should be stressed and overwhelmed because those have been my feelings for the past couple of years. In high school, I was always trying to outdo myself and get more involved. By the time my senior year came around, I was so involved in clubs and classes that I was burnt out before 1st semester was even over. Every class I took was based on the recommended courses for UT. Every club I joined was so I could put several different activities on my application. Now that I am in college, I wonder if I am serious about my major, Theatre and Dance. Don't get me wrong, I love performing, and in an ideal world, I would become a regular on Broadway. But I always secondguess my goals and the reality of them actually coming true. I have performed literally since I could walk and talk. I haven't appeared on any major stages or on television, but performing has always been a really significant part of my life. It has shaped me into the person I am now. I just keep thinking. ""is this really feasible or not. "" It is one of the few things that I am good at and have been successful in. I suppose I went into the College of Fine Arts because fine arts are so familiar and comfortable for me. I actually thought of becoming a clinical psychologist or a social worker for the latter part of my high school life; I even took a semester of psychology last year. But I came to this conclusion: I have too many problems of my own that I can barely deal with, so how on earth could I solve anyone else's problems? The answer: I could not. I don't know. I guess I will get more into the routine as the weeks roll by. Hopefully, I will be successful at UT. Time can only tell. ",Emotions,Empathy
1997_262585.txt,"I am wondering whether or not I should try out for the dance team. In away I want to so I will have something to be a part of but at the same time I'm fearing the inevitable rejection. Rather than be rejected I'm just not going to try but then I'll always wonder whether or not I could have made it if I had tried. If I do try out and then I fail everybody will know that I FAILED AND I'll be embarrassed. I risked failure when I pledged but I did it anyway. My neighbor failed and I didn't think any less of her so why should I think any less of myself. I'll look fat in the leotard and tights, but one reason I want to do it is so I'll stay in shape. Everything is too competitive. I wonder what my cats doing since when you gave this assignment you mentioned a dos so I started to think about my cat. Then the picture frame I got today since I have a picture of my cat but I have to get another frame for my cat picture. My entire room is decorated in cat things. I found a gecko in my room today. There not have as big as the lizards we used to find in the house when I lived in Arizona. they used to be at least a foot long. I wonder what I'm going to do tomorrow I have reading to do in the morning. I can't help but put in capital letters at the beginning of sentences and periods. My mom wanted me to copy this and run spell check, how stupid. that what you get for having an English teacher for a mother. I want to get a calendar to put up all my things. I’m scared to death I'll miss something like a homework assignment or test. I wonder if I need to be studying more often. It seems like I'm not doing enough. I don't know what I'll do if I fail. I hope I'm doing this write. It seems like the paper is just going on and on and on. I seem to worry about failure alot. I hate typing, I never memorized where the keys were so I keep goofing. My parents always told me to take typing but I was too lazy and afraid I was going to not get an A. I wonder how my sister got involved, society of women engineers. I say a bent today on the way to class. The other graduate students are coming on the 19 here. I bet it would be easier if I didn't repeat to myself what I was typing I need to go by the Newman center to meet n9ice boys. Why bother I never going to get married I probably not even going to get good grades and I'll never get in to med school and I'm going to flunk out. God I hope not or I'll end up as a house wife not that that's bad but I always wanted a career and my sisters so successful. My parents would be so disappointed. Now I'm starting to sound negative like that survey said but I was much more optimistic in the survey I wonder if those ever prove anything or if people really lie to themselves when they're doing those even though they think they're being realistic this girl beside me took forever doing the survey. How much time do I have left? IS anybody even ever going to read this? Probably  that was why it was done on the internet that reminds me of the guy I sat next to in Chem. I hope he doesn't think that I was offended by his remark it doesn't bother me I'm used to it with Adam and all. I feel like I've typed forever and it looks like nothing on this sheet the way it goes to infinity on the right. I keep on thinking about what to type instead of just typing what I'm think I just its just a habit from writing so many in class essays and such I'm so happy I passed the AP that way I don't have to take any English classes and I showed Mr. Cody and my mother I wonder what Patrick's doing. He got a 5. The girl at dinner the other night was so stupid she thought she got a 560 and the SAT's and the AP's were the same thing that's why I'm not a pom that and the fact I'm not talented enough since I spent a lot of high school studying instead of dancing or anything else. I can't imagine having three hours of practice a day. I guess I had as much with games and all but it seems like a lot less. I had a ton of fun at games though and wouldn't have given it up for it now. That's how I tell whether or not it was worth it if I would trade it for something else now not that I could go back and repeat it so I guess it doesn't matter anyway.   ",Emotions: Fear,"I am wondering whether or not I should try out for the dance team. In away I want to so I will have something to be a part of but at the same time I'm fearing the inevitable rejection. Rather than be rejected I'm just not going to try but then I'll always wonder whether or not I could have made it if I had tried. If I do try out and then I fail everybody will know that I FAILED AND I'll be embarrassed. I risked failure when I pledged but I did it anyway. My neighbor failed and I didn't think any less of her so why should I think any less of myself. I'll look fat in the leotard and tights, but one reason I want to do it is so I'll stay in shape. Everything is too competitive. I wonder what my cats doing since when you gave this assignment you mentioned a dos so I started to think about my cat. Then the picture frame I got today since I have a picture of my cat but I have to get another frame for my cat picture. My entire room is decorated in cat things. I found a gecko in my room today. There not have as big as the lizards we used to find in the house when I lived in Arizona. they used to be at least a foot long. I wonder what I'm going to do tomorrow I have reading to do in the morning. I can't help but put in capital letters at the beginning of sentences and periods. My mom wanted me to copy this and run spell check, how stupid. that what you get for having an English teacher for a mother. I want to get a calendar to put up all my things. I’m scared to death I'll miss something like a homework assignment or test. I wonder if I need to be studying more often. It seems like I'm not doing enough. I don't know what I'll do if I fail. I hope I'm doing this write. It seems like the paper is just going on and on and on. I seem to worry about failure alot. I hate typing, I never memorized where the keys were so I keep goofing. My parents always told me to take typing but I was too lazy and afraid I was going to not get an A. I wonder how my sister got involved, society of women engineers. I say a bent today on the way to class. The other graduate students are coming on the 19 here. I bet it would be easier if I didn't repeat to myself what I was typing I need to go by the Newman center to meet n9ice boys. Why bother I never going to get married I probably not even going to get good grades and I'll never get in to med school and I'm going to flunk out. God I hope not or I'll end up as a house wife not that that's bad but I always wanted a career and my sisters so successful. My parents would be so disappointed. Now I'm starting to sound negative like that survey said but I was much more optimistic in the survey I wonder if those ever prove anything or if people really lie to themselves when they're doing those even though they think they're being realistic this girl beside me took forever doing the survey. How much time do I have left? IS anybody even ever going to read this? Probably  that was why it was done on the internet that reminds me of the guy I sat next to in Chem. I hope he doesn't think that I was offended by his remark it doesn't bother me I'm used to it with Adam and all. I feel like I've typed forever and it looks like nothing on this sheet the way it goes to infinity on the right. I keep on thinking about what to type instead of just typing what I'm think I just its just a habit from writing so many in class essays and such I'm so happy I passed the AP that way I don't have to take any English classes and I showed Mr. Cody and my mother I wonder what Patrick's doing. He got a 5. The girl at dinner the other night was so stupid she thought she got a 560 and the SAT's and the AP's were the same thing that's why I'm not a pom that and the fact I'm not talented enough since I spent a lot of high school studying instead of dancing or anything else. I can't imagine having three hours of practice a day. I guess I had as much with games and all but it seems like a lot less. I had a ton of fun at games though and wouldn't have given it up for it now. That's how I tell whether or not it was worth it if I would trade it for something else now not that I could go back and repeat it so I guess it doesn't matter anyway.   ",Emotions,Fear
2004_262.txt,"Well I am just sitting in my room on a rainy labor day, all my roommates are either out of town or napping so it's really quiet in here, which is actually really nice considering I hardly ever get alone time to just sit and think about stuff. Too bad that I have so much reading today and preparation for the bible study I will be leading for kappa that I have little time to rest I really have trouble relaxing once school starts up because I have so much going on that I feel guilty if I am not always being productive. I know that I need to take time every day just to sit with God and tell him what is going on in my mind. So that's what I want to do with this exercise I am going to type everything I think about but it is going to be in the form of a prayer to God. I hate that I feel like I constantly need to be watching my money, or what I eat, or anything else in my life that gives me a sense of control and like I am making wise decisions, why is it so hard for me to accept my screw ups? I know I human, and that I am sinful and that I can't do anything on my own. So I don't know why I get disappointed in my failures, why should I expect anything else??? I feel pretty guilty about how much time I put into some of my relationships as well, like I wish I was there for Lauren F. more and really was keeping up better with how she is doing and holding her accountable. Please give me the time and desire to talk to her and pray for her. I also really need your help in not letting the devil get a foothold in my thought life, I need you to make me aware of when I start to count calories (eaten or burnt!) or when I start to keep a constant tab on how much I spend or what people owe me. Lord I want to see every blessing in my life as a gift from you and not as something I deserve because I know that I do not!   I also know that I need to take a nap this afternoon if I want to get any work done later so I pray that I would be able to do that as well. I have so much stuff going on that it can really make me lose sight of what's important. YOU and my family and friends and everyone else in my life. Lord I want to see everyone in my life as a divine appointment. I feel really excited about this year but it's discouraging when I can already see myself getting caught up in the unimportant stuff. I really want to crawl into bed right now and get some sleep instead of finishing this assignment, but what can you do!  I hate that I was so irritable with my mom and dad this weekend and really hope that they can fix the problem they're having communicating, I am also so worried about David, MP, and Nancy, I just want them to see that all the worldly pleasures they are looking to escape the sadness of a broken home will never fill that void and that they desperately need to know you Lord, and understand your love for them. I wish I knew what to expect on this PHL test coming up on Thursday, but there I go again with wanting to know things before the right timing. I am worried that I am not studying for my classes as dedicatedly as I should be but I know that I am doing the best I can and they shouldn't be consuming my life. I am so glad I got to spend time with ford this weekend and I really hope that he doesn't have a flight delay because of the rain here and in Atlanta because I know he has a lot he needs to do when he gets back. But I know he was supposed to be here this weekend and I am so glad that he got to talk to Chris last night and really hope that he calls to tell me what they talked about. I feel a little anxious right now about getting all my work done today and for some silly reason I am really upset that the tuna fish I bought and that 7up drink turned out to be busts, because that cost what, maybe $4???? come on Louise you are so cheap get over it!!! surprisingly I am not really nervous about bible study tomorrow night but I know that I need to be really giving that to you and I really hope it doesn't all hit me at once tomorrow. I am really hot so I had to go turn on the fan. I wonder when becca and Martha are getting back, is it wrong that I kind of like that they aren't around right now? Why is it that I like to be alone so much, is it selfishness??? I am kind of worried about Kyle maybe liking me, I really don't want him to, because I really love having him as a friend and I really don't know what makes me think that he might want something more but for some reason I've been getting that vibe lately so I really hope that I can act in a way that doesn't lead him on but that is still nice. Man that 7up stuff I got is disgusting!!! why do I always try those things. Healthy soft drinks?!?! what a joke!!! of course it's going to taste awful. I really hate that I am always feeling like I need to be repaid when I do something for someone I mean seriously! why can't I just give out of love and show like grace like Christ did to us??? I am really excited about this PSYCH class though because it'll be cool to see if this is really the direction god wants me to go for my career. I am so glad to have this day off to rest and catch up in studies and for the 12 hours of sleep I got on Saturday I really need to get rest because I know I don't get nearly enough, help me allow more time for sleep and rest in my schedule because obviously you didn't make us require so much sleep for nothing! I just wish I would enjoy it I pray that I could have a peace so that I could sleep right now. ",Emotions: Empathy,"Well I am just sitting in my room on a rainy labor day, all my roommates are either out of town or napping so it's really quiet in here, which is actually really nice considering I hardly ever get alone time to just sit and think about stuff. Too bad that I have so much reading today and preparation for the bible study I will be leading for kappa that I have little time to rest I really have trouble relaxing once school starts up because I have so much going on that I feel guilty if I am not always being productive. I know that I need to take time every day just to sit with God and tell him what is going on in my mind. So that's what I want to do with this exercise I am going to type everything I think about but it is going to be in the form of a prayer to God. I hate that I feel like I constantly need to be watching my money, or what I eat, or anything else in my life that gives me a sense of control and like I am making wise decisions, why is it so hard for me to accept my screw ups? I know I human, and that I am sinful and that I can't do anything on my own. So I don't know why I get disappointed in my failures, why should I expect anything else??? I feel pretty guilty about how much time I put into some of my relationships as well, like I wish I was there for Lauren F. more and really was keeping up better with how she is doing and holding her accountable. Please give me the time and desire to talk to her and pray for her. I also really need your help in not letting the devil get a foothold in my thought life, I need you to make me aware of when I start to count calories (eaten or burnt!) or when I start to keep a constant tab on how much I spend or what people owe me. Lord I want to see every blessing in my life as a gift from you and not as something I deserve because I know that I do not!   I also know that I need to take a nap this afternoon if I want to get any work done later so I pray that I would be able to do that as well. I have so much stuff going on that it can really make me lose sight of what's important. YOU and my family and friends and everyone else in my life. Lord I want to see everyone in my life as a divine appointment. I feel really excited about this year but it's discouraging when I can already see myself getting caught up in the unimportant stuff. I really want to crawl into bed right now and get some sleep instead of finishing this assignment, but what can you do!  I hate that I was so irritable with my mom and dad this weekend and really hope that they can fix the problem they're having communicating, I am also so worried about David, MP, and Nancy, I just want them to see that all the worldly pleasures they are looking to escape the sadness of a broken home will never fill that void and that they desperately need to know you Lord, and understand your love for them. I wish I knew what to expect on this PHL test coming up on Thursday, but there I go again with wanting to know things before the right timing. I am worried that I am not studying for my classes as dedicatedly as I should be but I know that I am doing the best I can and they shouldn't be consuming my life. I am so glad I got to spend time with ford this weekend and I really hope that he doesn't have a flight delay because of the rain here and in Atlanta because I know he has a lot he needs to do when he gets back. But I know he was supposed to be here this weekend and I am so glad that he got to talk to Chris last night and really hope that he calls to tell me what they talked about. I feel a little anxious right now about getting all my work done today and for some silly reason I am really upset that the tuna fish I bought and that 7up drink turned out to be busts, because that cost what, maybe $4???? come on Louise you are so cheap get over it!!! surprisingly I am not really nervous about bible study tomorrow night but I know that I need to be really giving that to you and I really hope it doesn't all hit me at once tomorrow. I am really hot so I had to go turn on the fan. I wonder when becca and Martha are getting back, is it wrong that I kind of like that they aren't around right now? Why is it that I like to be alone so much, is it selfishness??? I am kind of worried about Kyle maybe liking me, I really don't want him to, because I really love having him as a friend and I really don't know what makes me think that he might want something more but for some reason I've been getting that vibe lately so I really hope that I can act in a way that doesn't lead him on but that is still nice. Man that 7up stuff I got is disgusting!!! why do I always try those things. Healthy soft drinks?!?! what a joke!!! of course it's going to taste awful. I really hate that I am always feeling like I need to be repaid when I do something for someone I mean seriously! why can't I just give out of love and show like grace like Christ did to us??? I am really excited about this PSYCH class though because it'll be cool to see if this is really the direction god wants me to go for my career. I am so glad to have this day off to rest and catch up in studies and for the 12 hours of sleep I got on Saturday I really need to get rest because I know I don't get nearly enough, help me allow more time for sleep and rest in my schedule because obviously you didn't make us require so much sleep for nothing! I just wish I would enjoy it I pray that I could have a peace so that I could sleep right now. ",Emotions,Empathy
2003_265.txt,"I am sitting here with my feet on my subwoofer. I should be reading psychology, my webcam isn't on right now. Jars of Clay is a good band. I don't really have much to write. Maybe I should go to the sophomore versus freshmen football game at Clark's Field right now, but I'm doing this instead. Justin Shih just IMed me. Justin told me to go play football because this assignment isn't due until the 12th and today is the 6th. I think I'm scared about falling behind in college. I've done all my calculus HW the day they came out. I never was this diligent in high school. I have nasty cough, it's been like this for a few weeks now. I hope it gets better. Two of my best friends are in Houston, I don't really have much to do without them here. I'm hungry, haven't eaten breakfast or lunch. God is bigger than the air I breathe, the world we'll leave. This is a song by Delirious?, a band from the UK. I slept in this dorm last night by myself the first time. I miss my parents and my brother. My brother is working in California, and for the first time I feel how much everything has changed. I miss my parents, they have done so much for me. I want to do well in college so that their money doesn't go to waste. I love you mom, dad. I feel a little sad that I can't see my parents whenever I want now. I can't eat dinner every night with them like I used to last year. My neck hurts. I wish I was playing warcraft III right now. I don't understand this assignment. Maybe further on in the course it'll make more sense but right now this makes none to me. These thoughts are not at all coherent. I hope I do okay on my economics quiz on monday. My poker book and chips still haven't arrived yet. I ordered them last week too. I wish people would send me care packages. My roommate just received a birthday present/care package from his girlfriend. I wish I had someone who would send me things. I've written a lot. I wonder if all the papers turned in are this long. This must suck for the TA to read. 400 students turning in non-sensical and incoherent papers. There's that cough again. I wish I could control it. My hands are tired from typing constantly. This assignment sure is long, 10 more minutes to go. I hope I get an A in psychology. if I beg for an A in this paper I wonder if it'll help. Just 9 more minutes to go. I can't think of anything else to write. Maybe this music is throwing off my concentration. Jars of Clay is now playing. they're a good band. Didn't I write about them earlier? Oh well. People don't call me, I wish someone calls me. I'm tired, I could use a nap although I woke up at 1:30 today. I wonder what Michael, one of my best friends, is doing. I should go to his room after this. Just 7 more minutes. I can't wait until this thing is over. Time sure goes by slowly when you're counting it down. I need to go to sleep early tonight, got to wake up early tomorrow. EV Free church is good. I need to check out Austin Chinese Church too though, to see how each compares to each other. I need to do my quiet time today, before I forget. Sometimes I feel like such an inadequate Christian, I have so many failures. I guess no one is perfect. I wonder what my brother's doing right now. It's 1 o'clock or so in California. I wonder if he likes it there. I wonder if I really like it in Austin. or if it's just an illusion. I think I like it here. I have friends, I think, things to do. I don't know. It's all so confusing. Sometimes I just want to hermit and not have social contact at all. I like to live in a big city such as New York because it's busy, but yet I don't' like loitering in big crowds or hanging around large groups of people. I wonder if that's weird, or maybe I just feel inadequate around large groups of people who I don't know. Like last night at CBS I didn't know a lot of people and I drifted from group to group loitering but did not feel like I belonged. Just 3 more minutes left to go in this assignment. It cannot go by any slower. I should go eat something after this. But then dinner is coming up soon. I hope I have time to get some more studying done this afternoon, or maybe tonight. I wonder if this is the longest paper turned in. probably not, there're some girls who can write nonstop. They probably double the length of what I wrote. I wonder if I am even doing this assignment correctly, I don't know how to track my thoughts or feelings, it's like I'm writing in a journal. Oh well. I can't be penalized for trying. just 30 more seconds to go. let's count it down    30    29    28    27    26    25    24    23    22    21    20    19    18    17    16    15    14    13    12    10    9    8    7    6    5    4    3    2    1    done ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I am sitting here with my feet on my subwoofer. I should be reading psychology, my webcam isn't on right now. Jars of Clay is a good band. I don't really have much to write. Maybe I should go to the sophomore versus freshmen football game at Clark's Field right now, but I'm doing this instead. Justin Shih just IMed me. Justin told me to go play football because this assignment isn't due until the 12th and today is the 6th. I think I'm scared about falling behind in college. I've done all my calculus HW the day they came out. I never was this diligent in high school. I have nasty cough, it's been like this for a few weeks now. I hope it gets better. Two of my best friends are in Houston, I don't really have much to do without them here. I'm hungry, haven't eaten breakfast or lunch. God is bigger than the air I breathe, the world we'll leave. This is a song by Delirious?, a band from the UK. I slept in this dorm last night by myself the first time. I miss my parents and my brother. My brother is working in California, and for the first time I feel how much everything has changed. I miss my parents, they have done so much for me. I want to do well in college so that their money doesn't go to waste. I love you mom, dad. I feel a little sad that I can't see my parents whenever I want now. I can't eat dinner every night with them like I used to last year. My neck hurts. I wish I was playing warcraft III right now. I don't understand this assignment. Maybe further on in the course it'll make more sense but right now this makes none to me. These thoughts are not at all coherent. I hope I do okay on my economics quiz on monday. My poker book and chips still haven't arrived yet. I ordered them last week too. I wish people would send me care packages. My roommate just received a birthday present/care package from his girlfriend. I wish I had someone who would send me things. I've written a lot. I wonder if all the papers turned in are this long. This must suck for the TA to read. 400 students turning in non-sensical and incoherent papers. There's that cough again. I wish I could control it. My hands are tired from typing constantly. This assignment sure is long, 10 more minutes to go. I hope I get an A in psychology. if I beg for an A in this paper I wonder if it'll help. Just 9 more minutes to go. I can't think of anything else to write. Maybe this music is throwing off my concentration. Jars of Clay is now playing. they're a good band. Didn't I write about them earlier? Oh well. People don't call me, I wish someone calls me. I'm tired, I could use a nap although I woke up at 1:30 today. I wonder what Michael, one of my best friends, is doing. I should go to his room after this. Just 7 more minutes. I can't wait until this thing is over. Time sure goes by slowly when you're counting it down. I need to go to sleep early tonight, got to wake up early tomorrow. EV Free church is good. I need to check out Austin Chinese Church too though, to see how each compares to each other. I need to do my quiet time today, before I forget. Sometimes I feel like such an inadequate Christian, I have so many failures. I guess no one is perfect. I wonder what my brother's doing right now. It's 1 o'clock or so in California. I wonder if he likes it there. I wonder if I really like it in Austin. or if it's just an illusion. I think I like it here. I have friends, I think, things to do. I don't know. It's all so confusing. Sometimes I just want to hermit and not have social contact at all. I like to live in a big city such as New York because it's busy, but yet I don't' like loitering in big crowds or hanging around large groups of people. I wonder if that's weird, or maybe I just feel inadequate around large groups of people who I don't know. Like last night at CBS I didn't know a lot of people and I drifted from group to group loitering but did not feel like I belonged. Just 3 more minutes left to go in this assignment. It cannot go by any slower. I should go eat something after this. But then dinner is coming up soon. I hope I have time to get some more studying done this afternoon, or maybe tonight. I wonder if this is the longest paper turned in. probably not, there're some girls who can write nonstop. They probably double the length of what I wrote. I wonder if I am even doing this assignment correctly, I don't know how to track my thoughts or feelings, it's like I'm writing in a journal. Oh well. I can't be penalized for trying. just 30 more seconds to go. let's count it down    30    29    28    27    26    25    24    23    22    21    20    19    18    17    16    15    14    13    12    10    9    8    7    6    5    4    3    2    1    done ",Emotions,Anxiety
2000_551702.txt,"When I first thought about the stream of consciousness writing assignment, I figured my natural stream of consciousness would deliver my views on life and the issues that apply to the everyday. However, all I've been able to think about in the past twenty minutes is a girl. Her name is Kaylee. We became close towards the end of the summer before I came back to Austin. She lives in Dallas so its hard to get to see her very often. One date was all it took. I mean I've known the girl for years, but it became different after this one night. Kind of going from childhood friends to, I don't know, maybe something romantic. If I had known anything was there, I would've stomped on this opportunity a long time ago kind of like if I had known that there were 5 very essential vitamins in California Style Sunny Delight, I would've drunk that my whole life instead of orange juice. When did they come out with Sunny Delight anyways? I don't think it's been around for my entire life but probably pretty close. Possibly when I was five or six years old. At any rate, I always think to myself  could this girl be the one? She's beautiful to start with, and besides that, she's just amazing. I can't spend enough time with that girl. Just going to the playground and swinging with her makes me happy. I got a call from her the other day saying she was going to come see me next weekend. This could possibly be why I haven't been able to get her out of my mind. I really can't wait to see her. Possibly more excited than going to Chile next summer. I'm just packing up my bags and heading down there to see if I can land a job at a local ski resort. I've always wanted to ski bum for a season, so I figured this would be a good chance. And being that the summer in our hemisphere is winter in their hemisphere, it works out  having all summer off. I was actually stressing about this all day being that it has to be in by 5 o clock. I'm leaving for College Station sometime today and I have got so much to do. A police officer gave me a speeding ticket two nights ago on Riverside. Now I have to take defensive driving and get my car inspected to get out of this ticket. And this, piled onto everything else that is going on. I'd say my stress level has recently risen to a 7! Nonetheless, I'm getting out of town this weekend and probably the next too. The swells are getting up to 6 feet on the Texas gulf coast this weekend which is unheard of around here, so I want to get out and catch some waves before they recede. Surfing just makes me relax  puts me in a zone where there are no worries. Soccer doesn't do that for me. I played all my life and it was very fun but also came with a lot of pressure. There were many reasons I guess, but I just played to play, not to win a state championship or anything. Well I guess my twenty minutes are up, time to take a shower! ",Emotions: Affection,"When I first thought about the stream of consciousness writing assignment, I figured my natural stream of consciousness would deliver my views on life and the issues that apply to the everyday. However, all I've been able to think about in the past twenty minutes is a girl. Her name is Kaylee. We became close towards the end of the summer before I came back to Austin. She lives in Dallas so its hard to get to see her very often. One date was all it took. I mean I've known the girl for years, but it became different after this one night. Kind of going from childhood friends to, I don't know, maybe something romantic. If I had known anything was there, I would've stomped on this opportunity a long time ago kind of like if I had known that there were 5 very essential vitamins in California Style Sunny Delight, I would've drunk that my whole life instead of orange juice. When did they come out with Sunny Delight anyways? I don't think it's been around for my entire life but probably pretty close. Possibly when I was five or six years old. At any rate, I always think to myself  could this girl be the one? She's beautiful to start with, and besides that, she's just amazing. I can't spend enough time with that girl. Just going to the playground and swinging with her makes me happy. I got a call from her the other day saying she was going to come see me next weekend. This could possibly be why I haven't been able to get her out of my mind. I really can't wait to see her. Possibly more excited than going to Chile next summer. I'm just packing up my bags and heading down there to see if I can land a job at a local ski resort. I've always wanted to ski bum for a season, so I figured this would be a good chance. And being that the summer in our hemisphere is winter in their hemisphere, it works out  having all summer off. I was actually stressing about this all day being that it has to be in by 5 o clock. I'm leaving for College Station sometime today and I have got so much to do. A police officer gave me a speeding ticket two nights ago on Riverside. Now I have to take defensive driving and get my car inspected to get out of this ticket. And this, piled onto everything else that is going on. I'd say my stress level has recently risen to a 7! Nonetheless, I'm getting out of town this weekend and probably the next too. The swells are getting up to 6 feet on the Texas gulf coast this weekend which is unheard of around here, so I want to get out and catch some waves before they recede. Surfing just makes me relax  puts me in a zone where there are no worries. Soccer doesn't do that for me. I played all my life and it was very fun but also came with a lot of pressure. There were many reasons I guess, but I just played to play, not to win a state championship or anything. Well I guess my twenty minutes are up, time to take a shower! ",Emotions,Affection
1998_463122.txt,"I wonder if the twenty minutes is what they're grading for because I type so slow they'll probably think I only wrote e for five minutes  I didn't realize the assignments were due today I thought they were due tomorrow, oh well I wonder if that means if I have to9 finish that damn pretest. I guess so          that girl has some funky hair, I can't even type without having to look up    its just like bam!!! in front of me,  I need a computer at home so I don't have to come to the library all the time. I don't get much done at home though so many distractions   what can I make for dinner there s nothing to eat at home, maybe kimchi cheegae  but I made that two times already maybe robert got some groceries,   we need some onion and garlic otherwise I can't really make much   oh shit I need a rice cooker still before I can go and make all this  maybe I'll invite Angela over to eat. yeah I wonder when her classes are even over. yeah I can just tell her to bring her rice cooker over and I'll cook,     she will probably want to eat Korean food anyway because I'm pretty sure that the Dobie food can't be that good. if it is at all like the jester food, that stuff gives me the runs. I don't know  maybe they put supplements in it to reach nutritional guidelines  but whatever it is it is not any good for me. the jester people must get used to it part of their body's way off adapting to a new nutritional source. nutrigrain bars are awesome. I'm so damn hungry. they should have a cafe here in the PCL so those late night studies can have some refreshment lemonade  that's what I want it's funny how me and Angela have so much in common I bet she is thinking lemonade right now. I wonder what Ben thinks of her?   that would be fucked up if they were both lying to me. I guess I just have to trust him. I've known him for so long but sometimes you'd do fucked up things for a girl, I couldn't blame him either because I've done such before also. I regret it of course. this guy told me not to ever regret something you've done because if you keep doing that then it is like you're asking back everything you done in you're life. so you may as well not ever be living it. I didn't even really know him we were just fishing next to each other and ha was old, I wish I could go fishing right now. it relaxes me and all this stuff is stressing me and I need to relax. I guess I could go fishing in freshwater but that can't beat the sun nothing can beat fishing the surf of san Luis pass all night even if you don't catch anything just being there when this sky turns purple then blue then a whole myriad of colors that you can't even describe from yellow to black     and than the sun comes and you make your last couple of casts not even caring really to catch a fish kind of a solute to the sun for thanking whatever you caught or didn't catch for next time.  ok that's been about thirty minutes and I'm going all philosophical I think I'm done ",Emotions: Social Anxiety,"I wonder if the twenty minutes is what they're grading for because I type so slow they'll probably think I only wrote e for five minutes  I didn't realize the assignments were due today I thought they were due tomorrow, oh well I wonder if that means if I have to9 finish that damn pretest. I guess so          that girl has some funky hair, I can't even type without having to look up    its just like bam!!! in front of me,  I need a computer at home so I don't have to come to the library all the time. I don't get much done at home though so many distractions   what can I make for dinner there s nothing to eat at home, maybe kimchi cheegae  but I made that two times already maybe robert got some groceries,   we need some onion and garlic otherwise I can't really make much   oh shit I need a rice cooker still before I can go and make all this  maybe I'll invite Angela over to eat. yeah I wonder when her classes are even over. yeah I can just tell her to bring her rice cooker over and I'll cook,     she will probably want to eat Korean food anyway because I'm pretty sure that the Dobie food can't be that good. if it is at all like the jester food, that stuff gives me the runs. I don't know  maybe they put supplements in it to reach nutritional guidelines  but whatever it is it is not any good for me. the jester people must get used to it part of their body's way off adapting to a new nutritional source. nutrigrain bars are awesome. I'm so damn hungry. they should have a cafe here in the PCL so those late night studies can have some refreshment lemonade  that's what I want it's funny how me and Angela have so much in common I bet she is thinking lemonade right now. I wonder what Ben thinks of her?   that would be fucked up if they were both lying to me. I guess I just have to trust him. I've known him for so long but sometimes you'd do fucked up things for a girl, I couldn't blame him either because I've done such before also. I regret it of course. this guy told me not to ever regret something you've done because if you keep doing that then it is like you're asking back everything you done in you're life. so you may as well not ever be living it. I didn't even really know him we were just fishing next to each other and ha was old, I wish I could go fishing right now. it relaxes me and all this stuff is stressing me and I need to relax. I guess I could go fishing in freshwater but that can't beat the sun nothing can beat fishing the surf of san Luis pass all night even if you don't catch anything just being there when this sky turns purple then blue then a whole myriad of colors that you can't even describe from yellow to black     and than the sun comes and you make your last couple of casts not even caring really to catch a fish kind of a solute to the sun for thanking whatever you caught or didn't catch for next time.  ok that's been about thirty minutes and I'm going all philosophical I think I'm done ",Emotions,Social Anxiety
2003_265.txt,"I am sitting here with my feet on my subwoofer. I should be reading psychology, my webcam isn't on right now. Jars of Clay is a good band. I don't really have much to write. Maybe I should go to the sophomore versus freshmen football game at Clark's Field right now, but I'm doing this instead. Justin Shih just IMed me. Justin told me to go play football because this assignment isn't due until the 12th and today is the 6th. I think I'm scared about falling behind in college. I've done all my calculus HW the day they came out. I never was this diligent in high school. I have nasty cough, it's been like this for a few weeks now. I hope it gets better. Two of my best friends are in Houston, I don't really have much to do without them here. I'm hungry, haven't eaten breakfast or lunch. God is bigger than the air I breathe, the world we'll leave. This is a song by Delirious?, a band from the UK. I slept in this dorm last night by myself the first time. I miss my parents and my brother. My brother is working in California, and for the first time I feel how much everything has changed. I miss my parents, they have done so much for me. I want to do well in college so that their money doesn't go to waste. I love you mom, dad. I feel a little sad that I can't see my parents whenever I want now. I can't eat dinner every night with them like I used to last year. My neck hurts. I wish I was playing warcraft III right now. I don't understand this assignment. Maybe further on in the course it'll make more sense but right now this makes none to me. These thoughts are not at all coherent. I hope I do okay on my economics quiz on monday. My poker book and chips still haven't arrived yet. I ordered them last week too. I wish people would send me care packages. My roommate just received a birthday present/care package from his girlfriend. I wish I had someone who would send me things. I've written a lot. I wonder if all the papers turned in are this long. This must suck for the TA to read. 400 students turning in non-sensical and incoherent papers. There's that cough again. I wish I could control it. My hands are tired from typing constantly. This assignment sure is long, 10 more minutes to go. I hope I get an A in psychology. if I beg for an A in this paper I wonder if it'll help. Just 9 more minutes to go. I can't think of anything else to write. Maybe this music is throwing off my concentration. Jars of Clay is now playing. they're a good band. Didn't I write about them earlier? Oh well. People don't call me, I wish someone calls me. I'm tired, I could use a nap although I woke up at 1:30 today. I wonder what Michael, one of my best friends, is doing. I should go to his room after this. Just 7 more minutes. I can't wait until this thing is over. Time sure goes by slowly when you're counting it down. I need to go to sleep early tonight, got to wake up early tomorrow. EV Free church is good. I need to check out Austin Chinese Church too though, to see how each compares to each other. I need to do my quiet time today, before I forget. Sometimes I feel like such an inadequate Christian, I have so many failures. I guess no one is perfect. I wonder what my brother's doing right now. It's 1 o'clock or so in California. I wonder if he likes it there. I wonder if I really like it in Austin. or if it's just an illusion. I think I like it here. I have friends, I think, things to do. I don't know. It's all so confusing. Sometimes I just want to hermit and not have social contact at all. I like to live in a big city such as New York because it's busy, but yet I don't' like loitering in big crowds or hanging around large groups of people. I wonder if that's weird, or maybe I just feel inadequate around large groups of people who I don't know. Like last night at CBS I didn't know a lot of people and I drifted from group to group loitering but did not feel like I belonged. Just 3 more minutes left to go in this assignment. It cannot go by any slower. I should go eat something after this. But then dinner is coming up soon. I hope I have time to get some more studying done this afternoon, or maybe tonight. I wonder if this is the longest paper turned in. probably not, there're some girls who can write nonstop. They probably double the length of what I wrote. I wonder if I am even doing this assignment correctly, I don't know how to track my thoughts or feelings, it's like I'm writing in a journal. Oh well. I can't be penalized for trying. just 30 more seconds to go. let's count it down    30    29    28    27    26    25    24    23    22    21    20    19    18    17    16    15    14    13    12    10    9    8    7    6    5    4    3    2    1    done ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I am sitting here with my feet on my subwoofer. I should be reading psychology, my webcam isn't on right now. Jars of Clay is a good band. I don't really have much to write. Maybe I should go to the sophomore versus freshmen football game at Clark's Field right now, but I'm doing this instead. Justin Shih just IMed me. Justin told me to go play football because this assignment isn't due until the 12th and today is the 6th. I think I'm scared about falling behind in college. I've done all my calculus HW the day they came out. I never was this diligent in high school. I have nasty cough, it's been like this for a few weeks now. I hope it gets better. Two of my best friends are in Houston, I don't really have much to do without them here. I'm hungry, haven't eaten breakfast or lunch. God is bigger than the air I breathe, the world we'll leave. This is a song by Delirious?, a band from the UK. I slept in this dorm last night by myself the first time. I miss my parents and my brother. My brother is working in California, and for the first time I feel how much everything has changed. I miss my parents, they have done so much for me. I want to do well in college so that their money doesn't go to waste. I love you mom, dad. I feel a little sad that I can't see my parents whenever I want now. I can't eat dinner every night with them like I used to last year. My neck hurts. I wish I was playing warcraft III right now. I don't understand this assignment. Maybe further on in the course it'll make more sense but right now this makes none to me. These thoughts are not at all coherent. I hope I do okay on my economics quiz on monday. My poker book and chips still haven't arrived yet. I ordered them last week too. I wish people would send me care packages. My roommate just received a birthday present/care package from his girlfriend. I wish I had someone who would send me things. I've written a lot. I wonder if all the papers turned in are this long. This must suck for the TA to read. 400 students turning in non-sensical and incoherent papers. There's that cough again. I wish I could control it. My hands are tired from typing constantly. This assignment sure is long, 10 more minutes to go. I hope I get an A in psychology. if I beg for an A in this paper I wonder if it'll help. Just 9 more minutes to go. I can't think of anything else to write. Maybe this music is throwing off my concentration. Jars of Clay is now playing. they're a good band. Didn't I write about them earlier? Oh well. People don't call me, I wish someone calls me. I'm tired, I could use a nap although I woke up at 1:30 today. I wonder what Michael, one of my best friends, is doing. I should go to his room after this. Just 7 more minutes. I can't wait until this thing is over. Time sure goes by slowly when you're counting it down. I need to go to sleep early tonight, got to wake up early tomorrow. EV Free church is good. I need to check out Austin Chinese Church too though, to see how each compares to each other. I need to do my quiet time today, before I forget. Sometimes I feel like such an inadequate Christian, I have so many failures. I guess no one is perfect. I wonder what my brother's doing right now. It's 1 o'clock or so in California. I wonder if he likes it there. I wonder if I really like it in Austin. or if it's just an illusion. I think I like it here. I have friends, I think, things to do. I don't know. It's all so confusing. Sometimes I just want to hermit and not have social contact at all. I like to live in a big city such as New York because it's busy, but yet I don't' like loitering in big crowds or hanging around large groups of people. I wonder if that's weird, or maybe I just feel inadequate around large groups of people who I don't know. Like last night at CBS I didn't know a lot of people and I drifted from group to group loitering but did not feel like I belonged. Just 3 more minutes left to go in this assignment. It cannot go by any slower. I should go eat something after this. But then dinner is coming up soon. I hope I have time to get some more studying done this afternoon, or maybe tonight. I wonder if this is the longest paper turned in. probably not, there're some girls who can write nonstop. They probably double the length of what I wrote. I wonder if I am even doing this assignment correctly, I don't know how to track my thoughts or feelings, it's like I'm writing in a journal. Oh well. I can't be penalized for trying. just 30 more seconds to go. let's count it down    30    29    28    27    26    25    24    23    22    21    20    19    18    17    16    15    14    13    12    10    9    8    7    6    5    4    3    2    1    done ",Emotions,Anxiety
1997_518093.txt,"So it's time for me to start writing this assignment and I'm really tired. I've been studying all day and my brain just can't take it     I've decided that the brain must be like a muscle in that if you don't work it out regularly it gets out of shape. Right new my brain’s fat  fat. But that's OK. I've started running and through running I'm going to learn  more self discipline. It's really annoying the way the screen doesn't return automatically I wonder why the heck it doesn't do it. I guess it's some programming error  but surely it can't be hard to do. I've decided that running is just a conversation. One between your body and mind. Your body says ,""Hey I don't  feel very good can we please stop. "" And your mind says ""I know but we're almost there can you give a little more. Lately when I've been running I have been giving up before my body has too. This is further proof to me that my brain need conditioning. For the past year or 2 I have given up running for Aikido. I've decided to get back into running. Man this isn't very stream of consciousness. I wonder if anyone will ever read this. I seriously doubt it that's one big \ freaking class. But at least I know one pretty girl. Now that I think of it why the heck does this form ask for sex. I mean are they going to do some kind of statistical  analysis or something?  No way what could you do? count words? When I think of psy class I think mostly about the pretty girl I know in there. I'm helping her out with this computer stuff. I wonder if she has a boy friend. I wonder why I care. I sure don't need a girlfriend right now. This is the first  semester of my new life with my new major. Don't need no girly distractions. I about an hour I'm going to see a movie with my home crowd . /We're seeing swingers. I like it because it's a ""nice guy"" movie. with realistic camera shots. Wow it's already been twelve minutes. Over halfway there. Man I hope the research part of this course doesn't take up too much time. I think it out to be extra credit or something. Maybe they should defray the cost of the course or pay us or something I hate being a free guinea pig How the hell do you spell guinea. I 'm sick of paying fees toot this university. When I was at UNT I didn't have to pay sooo many hidden fees. They always lurking around the corner. Today was a pretty good day . Except for playing the stupid video game before starting this I have been very productive. I went to a habitat for humanity meeting. Maybe I'll start  doing that on Saturdays. I'm hesitant to commit though because this is my new and improved life. I hope my grades improve this semester or I'm just going to have to quit school or something. I'm kind of tired of school. I want to  get my hand on the real world and start making a difference. It’s amazing how much I’ve been using the letter a and how terrible a typing job I have been doing. ,  It’s my roommates keyboard. It’s extra sensitive or something. I wonder why I keep cutting off the middle of words whenever I hit return . You'd think it would bee natural for me to hit return whenever I finish a word My fingers are cold. This room is 60 degrees. Man I wish they'd turn up the air. ",Emotions: Frustration,"So it's time for me to start writing this assignment and I'm really tired. I've been studying all day and my brain just can't take it     I've decided that the brain must be like a muscle in that if you don't work it out regularly it gets out of shape. Right new my brain’s fat  fat. But that's OK. I've started running and through running I'm going to learn  more self discipline. It's really annoying the way the screen doesn't return automatically I wonder why the heck it doesn't do it. I guess it's some programming error  but surely it can't be hard to do. I've decided that running is just a conversation. One between your body and mind. Your body says ,""Hey I don't  feel very good can we please stop. "" And your mind says ""I know but we're almost there can you give a little more. Lately when I've been running I have been giving up before my body has too. This is further proof to me that my brain need conditioning. For the past year or 2 I have given up running for Aikido. I've decided to get back into running. Man this isn't very stream of consciousness. I wonder if anyone will ever read this. I seriously doubt it that's one big \ freaking class. But at least I know one pretty girl. Now that I think of it why the heck does this form ask for sex. I mean are they going to do some kind of statistical  analysis or something?  No way what could you do? count words? When I think of psy class I think mostly about the pretty girl I know in there. I'm helping her out with this computer stuff. I wonder if she has a boy friend. I wonder why I care. I sure don't need a girlfriend right now. This is the first  semester of my new life with my new major. Don't need no girly distractions. I about an hour I'm going to see a movie with my home crowd . /We're seeing swingers. I like it because it's a ""nice guy"" movie. with realistic camera shots. Wow it's already been twelve minutes. Over halfway there. Man I hope the research part of this course doesn't take up too much time. I think it out to be extra credit or something. Maybe they should defray the cost of the course or pay us or something I hate being a free guinea pig How the hell do you spell guinea. I 'm sick of paying fees toot this university. When I was at UNT I didn't have to pay sooo many hidden fees. They always lurking around the corner. Today was a pretty good day . Except for playing the stupid video game before starting this I have been very productive. I went to a habitat for humanity meeting. Maybe I'll start  doing that on Saturdays. I'm hesitant to commit though because this is my new and improved life. I hope my grades improve this semester or I'm just going to have to quit school or something. I'm kind of tired of school. I want to  get my hand on the real world and start making a difference. It’s amazing how much I’ve been using the letter a and how terrible a typing job I have been doing. ,  It’s my roommates keyboard. It’s extra sensitive or something. I wonder why I keep cutting off the middle of words whenever I hit return . You'd think it would bee natural for me to hit return whenever I finish a word My fingers are cold. This room is 60 degrees. Man I wish they'd turn up the air. ",Emotions,Frustration
1998_979711.txt,"I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does  believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems. ",Thinking styles: Questioning,"I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does  believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems. ",Thinking styles,Questioning
1999_876535.txt,"ok so now I'm writing I'm doing this so I can just juno into the assignment its not very interesting so far and my tyoing is slower than my thinking and I had a completely different thought while I was typing that lst sentence ok now wehat I'm still typing I could talk about myself but it would sound kind of lame. my guitar is out of tune and its missing a locking nut and the pickup selector switch is missing its little decorative cover, I could buy new parts but its kind of depressing right now because I don't have any money and it makes me want to give up guitar even more we played a show last night and screwed up a little more than usual but this guy in the band before us that was pretty good but all the same kind of music pop punk was trying to intimidate me by staring at me it didnt work then but its working now the bass player said we were good but I thiought we were terrible there was no harmony the bass and guitar were out of tune anbd the drummer was playing to a different tune is what it seemed like. the vocals werent so good either. we had to cut ourset by nore than hald wich is especially bad for us sinc we have 14 songs and they are all very distinct, not all pop punk or punk ska but some rockabilly and some primus ounding metal stuff a little emo too. I  forget what else oh yeah like old school punk with the snotty vocals well. anyways my dad got mad because I was supposed to help some guy move and I bailed halfway through to go play the show, playing live is like a drug, this time it wasnt so grreat, but weve playeed about 12 or 13 shows and some have been awesome, the crowd going insane because of us were aboutt o lose it any second just trying to hold on to our instruments long enbough to make the next note come out barely even able to keep our feet on the ground. anyways thats all over now because I have to get a job and go to college and theres no time for it ill find other ways to make myself feel good but that was a grweat one and I know my bandmates are depressed about it too. anyways my dad was mad because I did that and left even though I got the 40 bucks and so he's really mad and I don't even feel at home hre, at home asnd I don't feel completely at home in my dorm so I'm restless and it sucks. anyways so thats the whole of that messs and I'm just ttyping now because that whole thing was like one big brain sigh and now I'm breathing normal again. stop. nothing to say. maybe the brain works like that spasms of thought and then kind of a rest. I guess mr pennebaker would know, anyways I smell cinnamon buns and so I'm going to go downstairs for some brakfast and tension and so the food is going to tase bitter, I sort of awant to fgo back to my dorm but I don't really have any friends there yet. oh yeah I was going to go well that was about 20 min stop. ",Emotions: Mixed feelings about social interactions,"ok so now I'm writing I'm doing this so I can just juno into the assignment its not very interesting so far and my tyoing is slower than my thinking and I had a completely different thought while I was typing that lst sentence ok now wehat I'm still typing I could talk about myself but it would sound kind of lame. my guitar is out of tune and its missing a locking nut and the pickup selector switch is missing its little decorative cover, I could buy new parts but its kind of depressing right now because I don't have any money and it makes me want to give up guitar even more we played a show last night and screwed up a little more than usual but this guy in the band before us that was pretty good but all the same kind of music pop punk was trying to intimidate me by staring at me it didnt work then but its working now the bass player said we were good but I thiought we were terrible there was no harmony the bass and guitar were out of tune anbd the drummer was playing to a different tune is what it seemed like. the vocals werent so good either. we had to cut ourset by nore than hald wich is especially bad for us sinc we have 14 songs and they are all very distinct, not all pop punk or punk ska but some rockabilly and some primus ounding metal stuff a little emo too. I  forget what else oh yeah like old school punk with the snotty vocals well. anyways my dad got mad because I was supposed to help some guy move and I bailed halfway through to go play the show, playing live is like a drug, this time it wasnt so grreat, but weve playeed about 12 or 13 shows and some have been awesome, the crowd going insane because of us were aboutt o lose it any second just trying to hold on to our instruments long enbough to make the next note come out barely even able to keep our feet on the ground. anyways thats all over now because I have to get a job and go to college and theres no time for it ill find other ways to make myself feel good but that was a grweat one and I know my bandmates are depressed about it too. anyways my dad was mad because I did that and left even though I got the 40 bucks and so he's really mad and I don't even feel at home hre, at home asnd I don't feel completely at home in my dorm so I'm restless and it sucks. anyways so thats the whole of that messs and I'm just ttyping now because that whole thing was like one big brain sigh and now I'm breathing normal again. stop. nothing to say. maybe the brain works like that spasms of thought and then kind of a rest. I guess mr pennebaker would know, anyways I smell cinnamon buns and so I'm going to go downstairs for some brakfast and tension and so the food is going to tase bitter, I sort of awant to fgo back to my dorm but I don't really have any friends there yet. oh yeah I was going to go well that was about 20 min stop. ",Emotions,Mixed feelings about social interactions
2004_142.txt,"Wow, I have some pizza stuck in my tooth. Aw, why did that song have to end, it was good. the AC is really loud. Man, I like shrek 2. tonight, I'm breaking the habit tonight, I like Kelly Clarkson, she's so talented. man, I'm so bad at spelling. I haven't heard this, oh, yeah, it's by clay aiken, or maybe it isn't. Oh well. Ozarka Natural Spring. It was probably from Fort Worth, I'm from Denton about thirty miles north of Dallas. I saw Jenny a couple days ago. She's got curly hair. Movie Night, um I don't know. I'm supposed to by typing what I am thinking. I'm talking with Victoria my roommate. She is wearing a hat. I have a hat just like it. It's in my closet on top on a shelf. Victoria is leaving now. I shall say bye to her. Ok, now that that is over. I am going out to lunch with this girl from Christians on Campus. Sounds like it would be fun. Her name is Joselyn and she just graduated, I think from this college in Boston but she is here for just the semester. Only 4 minutes have gone by. Wow, this is taking forever. I have chemistry oops, mistake. I don't like commercials on the radio, why couldn't they just play music commercial free. My folder is blue. I finished all my psychology reading (all of chapter three). I learned way too much info on the nervous system. It is going to take forever to study for the test. I'm glad there is a lot of info in the chapter though, because I'm going to med school and will need that info. I keep making typos probably because I'm typing too fast. Oh, I have ice-cream in the freezer. Mmmm. It is a blue bell ice cream sandwich. I like Wendy's. Ah, yay, another commercial free hour of music. YAY. I like Avril Lavigne. My Happy Ending is a good song. Everyone criticizes her for not being ""punk enough. ""  I laugh at how much time people spend criticizing artists. They should just appreciate the music. I think by saying that I was being a hypocrite because I was criticizing the people who criticize. Does admitting that you are a hypocrite make you a hypocrite. Deep, huh?  I'm wearing contacts. I like my sunglasses. They are on top of my head because it is pointless to wear contacts indoors. Wow, I am only have way done. Hey, maybe that means I'm optimistic. I am such a bad speller. I spend way to much time thinking about school. I'm such a nerd. Everyone else goes out and parties and I stay in the dorm and study for hours and hours. But I do tend to watch a lot of TV, wait, I haven't been watching much TV during this past week at UT. Only about 1 hour per day. I'm so proud of myself. I can't believe that I haven't procrastinated this assignment. I don't like this trend of girls wearing too short skirts. I guess I'm just too conservative and wear long jeans or caprice. I bought new caprice. My mom just washed them. I went to the B. E. S. T. thing sponsored by the business school. It was so much fun. We went to the lake. Hello, Jenny wrote me a note. My printer is off. I can't think of anything else to write about. I was valedictorian, I was nervous when I said my speech. YAY for 5. 0 GPA. For having such a high GPA, you would think that I wouldn't be so scatterbrained. I think it is just because it will take me a little while to get used to the whole college experience thing. I have to sign up to do that psychology experiment. I want to do the prescreening. Victoria says that it takes two hours. I want to get it over with and not procrastinate. I have that awful habit and am trying to get rid of it. I like this song, and that song, well, maybe not. I want to go so sleep. I went to sleep early last night 9:30. Oh, this is that singer Chad Kroger (I am such a bad speller). I liked Spiderman 2. I have always been a fan of stuff like that: Spiderman, Batman, Superman, etc. I like Smallville on the WB. It is a good show. What else. I can't think of anything else. Ok, I have about 3 and a half minutes left. What else should I do. I have chemistry in an hour but I should leave in 1/2 an hour because I want to get a good seat in class. I'm so blind, even with my contacts. I don't want to sit in the very front row because then I will strain my neck having to look straight up at the Professor. I have Professor Laude. He is very funny. I went to a discussion session at 11. Wait, it was at 10 and ended at 11AM. I think is was fairly productive. I'm a business major. Did I mention that. I'm also pre-med. I want to be an pediatric ophthalmologist. That is just a fancy term for a kid eye doctor. It will be able to be cool to say that though. My mom was a doctor. My dad has a PhD, so he is in a sense a doctor. He is asst. Dean of the Business School at UNT. I like this song. It is by Maroon 5. Nigel, my older brother, he is 23, I think, likes this song. He has this CD and will never let me borrow it. He called me last night and was  ",Emotions: Optimism,"Wow, I have some pizza stuck in my tooth. Aw, why did that song have to end, it was good. the AC is really loud. Man, I like shrek 2. tonight, I'm breaking the habit tonight, I like Kelly Clarkson, she's so talented. man, I'm so bad at spelling. I haven't heard this, oh, yeah, it's by clay aiken, or maybe it isn't. Oh well. Ozarka Natural Spring. It was probably from Fort Worth, I'm from Denton about thirty miles north of Dallas. I saw Jenny a couple days ago. She's got curly hair. Movie Night, um I don't know. I'm supposed to by typing what I am thinking. I'm talking with Victoria my roommate. She is wearing a hat. I have a hat just like it. It's in my closet on top on a shelf. Victoria is leaving now. I shall say bye to her. Ok, now that that is over. I am going out to lunch with this girl from Christians on Campus. Sounds like it would be fun. Her name is Joselyn and she just graduated, I think from this college in Boston but she is here for just the semester. Only 4 minutes have gone by. Wow, this is taking forever. I have chemistry oops, mistake. I don't like commercials on the radio, why couldn't they just play music commercial free. My folder is blue. I finished all my psychology reading (all of chapter three). I learned way too much info on the nervous system. It is going to take forever to study for the test. I'm glad there is a lot of info in the chapter though, because I'm going to med school and will need that info. I keep making typos probably because I'm typing too fast. Oh, I have ice-cream in the freezer. Mmmm. It is a blue bell ice cream sandwich. I like Wendy's. Ah, yay, another commercial free hour of music. YAY. I like Avril Lavigne. My Happy Ending is a good song. Everyone criticizes her for not being ""punk enough. ""  I laugh at how much time people spend criticizing artists. They should just appreciate the music. I think by saying that I was being a hypocrite because I was criticizing the people who criticize. Does admitting that you are a hypocrite make you a hypocrite. Deep, huh?  I'm wearing contacts. I like my sunglasses. They are on top of my head because it is pointless to wear contacts indoors. Wow, I am only have way done. Hey, maybe that means I'm optimistic. I am such a bad speller. I spend way to much time thinking about school. I'm such a nerd. Everyone else goes out and parties and I stay in the dorm and study for hours and hours. But I do tend to watch a lot of TV, wait, I haven't been watching much TV during this past week at UT. Only about 1 hour per day. I'm so proud of myself. I can't believe that I haven't procrastinated this assignment. I don't like this trend of girls wearing too short skirts. I guess I'm just too conservative and wear long jeans or caprice. I bought new caprice. My mom just washed them. I went to the B. E. S. T. thing sponsored by the business school. It was so much fun. We went to the lake. Hello, Jenny wrote me a note. My printer is off. I can't think of anything else to write about. I was valedictorian, I was nervous when I said my speech. YAY for 5. 0 GPA. For having such a high GPA, you would think that I wouldn't be so scatterbrained. I think it is just because it will take me a little while to get used to the whole college experience thing. I have to sign up to do that psychology experiment. I want to do the prescreening. Victoria says that it takes two hours. I want to get it over with and not procrastinate. I have that awful habit and am trying to get rid of it. I like this song, and that song, well, maybe not. I want to go so sleep. I went to sleep early last night 9:30. Oh, this is that singer Chad Kroger (I am such a bad speller). I liked Spiderman 2. I have always been a fan of stuff like that: Spiderman, Batman, Superman, etc. I like Smallville on the WB. It is a good show. What else. I can't think of anything else. Ok, I have about 3 and a half minutes left. What else should I do. I have chemistry in an hour but I should leave in 1/2 an hour because I want to get a good seat in class. I'm so blind, even with my contacts. I don't want to sit in the very front row because then I will strain my neck having to look straight up at the Professor. I have Professor Laude. He is very funny. I went to a discussion session at 11. Wait, it was at 10 and ended at 11AM. I think is was fairly productive. I'm a business major. Did I mention that. I'm also pre-med. I want to be an pediatric ophthalmologist. That is just a fancy term for a kid eye doctor. It will be able to be cool to say that though. My mom was a doctor. My dad has a PhD, so he is in a sense a doctor. He is asst. Dean of the Business School at UNT. I like this song. It is by Maroon 5. Nigel, my older brother, he is 23, I think, likes this song. He has this CD and will never let me borrow it. He called me last night and was  ",Emotions,Optimism
2000_917531.txt,"What I feel is that I have disappointed myself so far this semester. I planned on being so much more organized than I actually am. I look around my room and my desk and get really annoyed at myself. I think I am missing something in terms of college academic life. I feel that I should be stressed and overwhelmed because those have been my feelings for the past couple of years. In high school, I was always trying to outdo myself and get more involved. By the time my senior year came around, I was so involved in clubs and classes that I was burnt out before 1st semester was even over. Every class I took was based on the recommended courses for UT. Every club I joined was so I could put several different activities on my application. Now that I am in college, I wonder if I am serious about my major, Theatre and Dance. Don't get me wrong, I love performing, and in an ideal world, I would become a regular on Broadway. But I always secondguess my goals and the reality of them actually coming true. I have performed literally since I could walk and talk. I haven't appeared on any major stages or on television, but performing has always been a really significant part of my life. It has shaped me into the person I am now. I just keep thinking. ""is this really feasible or not. "" It is one of the few things that I am good at and have been successful in. I suppose I went into the College of Fine Arts because fine arts are so familiar and comfortable for me. I actually thought of becoming a clinical psychologist or a social worker for the latter part of my high school life; I even took a semester of psychology last year. But I came to this conclusion: I have too many problems of my own that I can barely deal with, so how on earth could I solve anyone else's problems? The answer: I could not. I don't know. I guess I will get more into the routine as the weeks roll by. Hopefully, I will be successful at UT. Time can only tell. ",Thinking styles: Worrying,"What I feel is that I have disappointed myself so far this semester. I planned on being so much more organized than I actually am. I look around my room and my desk and get really annoyed at myself. I think I am missing something in terms of college academic life. I feel that I should be stressed and overwhelmed because those have been my feelings for the past couple of years. In high school, I was always trying to outdo myself and get more involved. By the time my senior year came around, I was so involved in clubs and classes that I was burnt out before 1st semester was even over. Every class I took was based on the recommended courses for UT. Every club I joined was so I could put several different activities on my application. Now that I am in college, I wonder if I am serious about my major, Theatre and Dance. Don't get me wrong, I love performing, and in an ideal world, I would become a regular on Broadway. But I always secondguess my goals and the reality of them actually coming true. I have performed literally since I could walk and talk. I haven't appeared on any major stages or on television, but performing has always been a really significant part of my life. It has shaped me into the person I am now. I just keep thinking. ""is this really feasible or not. "" It is one of the few things that I am good at and have been successful in. I suppose I went into the College of Fine Arts because fine arts are so familiar and comfortable for me. I actually thought of becoming a clinical psychologist or a social worker for the latter part of my high school life; I even took a semester of psychology last year. But I came to this conclusion: I have too many problems of my own that I can barely deal with, so how on earth could I solve anyone else's problems? The answer: I could not. I don't know. I guess I will get more into the routine as the weeks roll by. Hopefully, I will be successful at UT. Time can only tell. ",Thinking styles,Worrying
1999_578241.txt,"At this moment I am worried about completing this assignment. The main cause of my concern is that I am using a friend's computer. I do not own a computer and therefore it is very difficult to have access to class notes and homework assignments. I have never really dealt much with computers, so I am not very familiar with this type of technology. I have tried various times to seek help in a public librar, but I was unaware that a long process of aquiring an account and finding a payment plan (if I want to print) was required. This is especially hard for me because many of my classes offer class information on the web. Now proceeding to my next concern, tomorrow I have a major french exam. After finishing this assignment I must hurry to my apartment and eat lunch, then return to school. I have no idea what I will eat for lunch, but I must eat at home. Last weekend my parents came down from Lufkin to visit me. They swore that I had lost some pounds and that I must not be eating healthy. My parents worry about my health very much. Being from a hispanic background, education is not of importance. My father threatened to take my out of school if I did not start taking care of my health and house duties. My father believes that a woman's future is in the kitchen. He never realy supported me in my college education. In his own words, he didn't think I ""would make it in the real world"". My mother begged me to stay close to home and attend a community college. I refused because I am very ambitious and much of a dreamer. I wanted to attend a well-known university (UT) and nowhere else. I worked hard for 12 years to get this far. I did it with very few support from my parents . I encouraged myself to achieve everything I have. Perhaps it is better this way because my parents let me become independant and able to have my own dreams. They knew that if I achieved all my dreams, it would be because only I worked for it. Knowing that you made it almost alone gives a sense of immense satisfaction and self-worth. ",Emotions: Empathy,"At this moment I am worried about completing this assignment. The main cause of my concern is that I am using a friend's computer. I do not own a computer and therefore it is very difficult to have access to class notes and homework assignments. I have never really dealt much with computers, so I am not very familiar with this type of technology. I have tried various times to seek help in a public librar, but I was unaware that a long process of aquiring an account and finding a payment plan (if I want to print) was required. This is especially hard for me because many of my classes offer class information on the web. Now proceeding to my next concern, tomorrow I have a major french exam. After finishing this assignment I must hurry to my apartment and eat lunch, then return to school. I have no idea what I will eat for lunch, but I must eat at home. Last weekend my parents came down from Lufkin to visit me. They swore that I had lost some pounds and that I must not be eating healthy. My parents worry about my health very much. Being from a hispanic background, education is not of importance. My father threatened to take my out of school if I did not start taking care of my health and house duties. My father believes that a woman's future is in the kitchen. He never realy supported me in my college education. In his own words, he didn't think I ""would make it in the real world"". My mother begged me to stay close to home and attend a community college. I refused because I am very ambitious and much of a dreamer. I wanted to attend a well-known university (UT) and nowhere else. I worked hard for 12 years to get this far. I did it with very few support from my parents . I encouraged myself to achieve everything I have. Perhaps it is better this way because my parents let me become independant and able to have my own dreams. They knew that if I achieved all my dreams, it would be because only I worked for it. Knowing that you made it almost alone gives a sense of immense satisfaction and self-worth. ",Emotions,Empathy
1997_884710.txt,"Twenty minutes seems like a long time. It amazes me how weird time is. Like when you're sitting in a plane waiting to get off and it seems like hours, but it's only minutes. I spend alot of time on planes. My dad is a pilot. I fly free. I don't know what I will do after college, because then I don't fly free anymore. I won't be able to go anywhere whenever. My roommate is in the shower. She has a sorority thing tonight. I'm not in a sorority. I'm glad, it's not the place for me. A guy died in my hometown last weekend. I t was strange, because my roommate had just commented on deaths happening in threes, and Mother Theresa and Princess Diana had just died. I didn't know the guy at all, but still, that could have been anyone. I think about that a lot. Death. Like what if someone died that I knew, but I had never told them what they mean to me. That's selfish, I know, but that's what we are, we're selfish. We as in humans. A friend of mine in my psych class knew the guy who died. I like country music, but most people don't. I just started liking it last year, because my boyfriend at the time got me hooked on it. My back hurts. I like to rub people's backs. I wish someone was here to rub mine. Tonight I'll be alone in the dorm. I like that sometimes everyone just gets on your nerves. My roommate and I knew each other in high school. We have gotten along amazingly well so far. Knock on wood. I have never been in a car accident, when I was driving. My brother messed up his knee in a car accident. I like this song. He had to have his ACL ligament redone. He can be such a baby. I think men have an amazingly low pain tolerance. I really think that they just aren't as well equipped for pain. That's just a personal opinion. I give lots of personal opinions. People tell me I'm opinionated. I don't like people who can't discuss their opinions and thoughts. It's important to be able to communicate. I'm a speech major. My undergrad advisor is great. I met him at orientation, and I love him. He tells you exactly what he thinks and that is so important. I don't like this song. It's one of those depressing love songs that is so typical of country. I wonder if I'll get married. I think I want to, but not kids. I do not want kids. That's another one of my opinions. How can we bring a child into this world?  So then people ask me if  I wish I hadn't been born. Two completely different concepts. Anyway, I'm gonna call my Aunt Holly. She is like a second mother to me. I live my mother. She really is my lifeline. That's a scary thought, like could I survive without her?  Of course, she raised my to be a survivor. I love basketball. My mom and I watch games together all the time. The Rockets are my favorite team. I also like Dennis Rodman. But I hat e the bulls. Rodman always says what he is thinking. Some people think he's a little tooo crazy, but I love it. H breaks the mold. That's commendable in my book. I miss my cousins. One of them is a big basketball fan. He and I always talk basketball. I'm almost done, twenty minutes did not take as long as I thought it would. I really like this song. I'm finished!! ",Emotions: Calmness,"Twenty minutes seems like a long time. It amazes me how weird time is. Like when you're sitting in a plane waiting to get off and it seems like hours, but it's only minutes. I spend alot of time on planes. My dad is a pilot. I fly free. I don't know what I will do after college, because then I don't fly free anymore. I won't be able to go anywhere whenever. My roommate is in the shower. She has a sorority thing tonight. I'm not in a sorority. I'm glad, it's not the place for me. A guy died in my hometown last weekend. I t was strange, because my roommate had just commented on deaths happening in threes, and Mother Theresa and Princess Diana had just died. I didn't know the guy at all, but still, that could have been anyone. I think about that a lot. Death. Like what if someone died that I knew, but I had never told them what they mean to me. That's selfish, I know, but that's what we are, we're selfish. We as in humans. A friend of mine in my psych class knew the guy who died. I like country music, but most people don't. I just started liking it last year, because my boyfriend at the time got me hooked on it. My back hurts. I like to rub people's backs. I wish someone was here to rub mine. Tonight I'll be alone in the dorm. I like that sometimes everyone just gets on your nerves. My roommate and I knew each other in high school. We have gotten along amazingly well so far. Knock on wood. I have never been in a car accident, when I was driving. My brother messed up his knee in a car accident. I like this song. He had to have his ACL ligament redone. He can be such a baby. I think men have an amazingly low pain tolerance. I really think that they just aren't as well equipped for pain. That's just a personal opinion. I give lots of personal opinions. People tell me I'm opinionated. I don't like people who can't discuss their opinions and thoughts. It's important to be able to communicate. I'm a speech major. My undergrad advisor is great. I met him at orientation, and I love him. He tells you exactly what he thinks and that is so important. I don't like this song. It's one of those depressing love songs that is so typical of country. I wonder if I'll get married. I think I want to, but not kids. I do not want kids. That's another one of my opinions. How can we bring a child into this world?  So then people ask me if  I wish I hadn't been born. Two completely different concepts. Anyway, I'm gonna call my Aunt Holly. She is like a second mother to me. I live my mother. She really is my lifeline. That's a scary thought, like could I survive without her?  Of course, she raised my to be a survivor. I love basketball. My mom and I watch games together all the time. The Rockets are my favorite team. I also like Dennis Rodman. But I hat e the bulls. Rodman always says what he is thinking. Some people think he's a little tooo crazy, but I love it. H breaks the mold. That's commendable in my book. I miss my cousins. One of them is a big basketball fan. He and I always talk basketball. I'm almost done, twenty minutes did not take as long as I thought it would. I really like this song. I'm finished!! ",Emotions,Calmness
1999_869069.txt,"Well here I am sitting at the computer typing very badly as always, constantly hitting the backspace key. I just rebought my books from varsity books online becuase some of or rather one of the books I have is signifigantly cheaper there and then I registered for some sweepstakes tat they have- like I could ever win one of those things but you never know in eighth grade at the going away dance only for eighth graders I won a bag of blowpops huge bag and I never ate most of them they sat in my desk drawer for a long time and then as a periodically clean my desk drawer I would find one and throw it away. My roomate is on her computer too typing awaay talking to her boyfriend she is so dedicated she already finished all her homework already I'm still just kind of trudging along. I'm really tired its time to go to bed I wonder if I should take advil because I had my wisdom teeth out on friday but I'm really tolerant to pain so I never even took the perscription pain medication- but I have no idea if anything is wrong because I just sort of ignore the pain. After I finish this I am going to take a shower we talked with our suite mates about the bathroom and stuff my roomate is talking to me about having a place to stay for her boyfriend over labor day she doesn't know who of her friends will be here so he might stay in our dorm but I know that they won't do anything I'm probably going home because I live here in austin then he can stay in my bed if he wants it won't bother me he's a nice guy- I have only known jenny for 5 days and it seems so much longer we really get along pretty well we come from similar backgrounds too. We both grew up in the US with parents from Taiwan so we have similar backgrounds. I filled out that survey it was so strange and so long. The pre-test thing. I'm just an all over goody goody so it was interesting to think of people filling it out diffeently with their true lives I'm such an innocent and I don't see people doing bad things liek drinking or having sex and abortions. One of our suite mates rushed and she got into ZTA and some of her sorority sisters are taking her out tonight and I asked where she was going and she said to some frat parties and she was going to come back completely hammered it made me wonder because it's the first day of school and she has an 8:30 class tommorow but oh well it's not might life or my concern. this room is so cold. and she seems so smart to she took all the AP classes and I think she was on drill team too. And she has a bum of a boyfriend or something like that it seems like everyone has a boyfriend but me but thats ok I don't need a guy to make me happy even though I would like a boyfriend- I've never had one before that is so strange but that's ok. I saw a lot of people from high school so far well not a whole lot but that's ok. There are a few of us from church here also Clement who is in this class too was supposed to come help me update my differentials on norton or something- my brother like ICQed me and told me to do it at least once a week I had no ide what he was talking about and I tried to do it. I can't believe I have so much to do already I have a lot of classes I thought it would kind of be like high school but I don't think so I saw a few people around campus that I know from church it was really weird thinking I knew them and stuff and seeing them- you can tell all the freshman on campust because they walk around with maps in there hands and they get to class about 15 minutes early but that won't last long- especially those 8 o'clock classes oh I think I need to charge my cell phone I'm not sure oh well. well I think my twenty minutes is up and I'm about to completely fall asleep and one of my suitemates is in the bathroom so I guess I could read sociology until she is done but. well good night. ",Emotions: Calmness,"Well here I am sitting at the computer typing very badly as always, constantly hitting the backspace key. I just rebought my books from varsity books online becuase some of or rather one of the books I have is signifigantly cheaper there and then I registered for some sweepstakes tat they have- like I could ever win one of those things but you never know in eighth grade at the going away dance only for eighth graders I won a bag of blowpops huge bag and I never ate most of them they sat in my desk drawer for a long time and then as a periodically clean my desk drawer I would find one and throw it away. My roomate is on her computer too typing awaay talking to her boyfriend she is so dedicated she already finished all her homework already I'm still just kind of trudging along. I'm really tired its time to go to bed I wonder if I should take advil because I had my wisdom teeth out on friday but I'm really tolerant to pain so I never even took the perscription pain medication- but I have no idea if anything is wrong because I just sort of ignore the pain. After I finish this I am going to take a shower we talked with our suite mates about the bathroom and stuff my roomate is talking to me about having a place to stay for her boyfriend over labor day she doesn't know who of her friends will be here so he might stay in our dorm but I know that they won't do anything I'm probably going home because I live here in austin then he can stay in my bed if he wants it won't bother me he's a nice guy- I have only known jenny for 5 days and it seems so much longer we really get along pretty well we come from similar backgrounds too. We both grew up in the US with parents from Taiwan so we have similar backgrounds. I filled out that survey it was so strange and so long. The pre-test thing. I'm just an all over goody goody so it was interesting to think of people filling it out diffeently with their true lives I'm such an innocent and I don't see people doing bad things liek drinking or having sex and abortions. One of our suite mates rushed and she got into ZTA and some of her sorority sisters are taking her out tonight and I asked where she was going and she said to some frat parties and she was going to come back completely hammered it made me wonder because it's the first day of school and she has an 8:30 class tommorow but oh well it's not might life or my concern. this room is so cold. and she seems so smart to she took all the AP classes and I think she was on drill team too. And she has a bum of a boyfriend or something like that it seems like everyone has a boyfriend but me but thats ok I don't need a guy to make me happy even though I would like a boyfriend- I've never had one before that is so strange but that's ok. I saw a lot of people from high school so far well not a whole lot but that's ok. There are a few of us from church here also Clement who is in this class too was supposed to come help me update my differentials on norton or something- my brother like ICQed me and told me to do it at least once a week I had no ide what he was talking about and I tried to do it. I can't believe I have so much to do already I have a lot of classes I thought it would kind of be like high school but I don't think so I saw a few people around campus that I know from church it was really weird thinking I knew them and stuff and seeing them- you can tell all the freshman on campust because they walk around with maps in there hands and they get to class about 15 minutes early but that won't last long- especially those 8 o'clock classes oh I think I need to charge my cell phone I'm not sure oh well. well I think my twenty minutes is up and I'm about to completely fall asleep and one of my suitemates is in the bathroom so I guess I could read sociology until she is done but. well good night. ",Emotions,Calmness
2000_878834.txt,"Okay. I don't really know what to write. being timed really makes me nervous no matter what I have to do. I have to study for Chemistry. and my roommate is standing over my shoulder. which makes me even more nervous! Ahh! Hmm, what am I going to become when I grow up? I don't know if I have what it takes to become a doctor! And my dad wants me to become an architect now! Oh geeze. I think I'm just going to have to give this all to the Lord. Oh Lord! Anyway, there's so many things I have to do. but all I really want to do is nothing. isn't that a classic? I feel like I'm getting fatter, and I know that I shouldn't be worrying about getting fat since most people consider me average and say that I'm already skinny enough, but I think that being in a ballet company my Jr. year of High School really messed up my mind. They told me to lose 5 lbs or more, and now I'm always so concerned about my weight. Ahh, I love ballet, but I don't think I'll ever want to really become a professional ballerina. even though my ballet teacher really really wants me too! I'm really hungry right now. I want to eat some more Mexican food. Mmm. Mexican food. too bad there's nothing good to eat in the fridge downstairs. bummer. Oh Lord help me! I think I'm starting to get really homesick now; I miss my mommy and my daddy. But most of all, I miss my brother! I want to go to California! I want a big cold front to come in soon. I can't stand this hot humid weather anymore. even though I'm used to it (since I'm from Houston). My back hurts. I think it's from trying to work out on my roommate's torso track. Actually, every part of my body hurts right now. I wish someone in the house knew how to give really good massages right now because I could really go for one right about now. I'm dead tired too. but I can't go to sleep since I have to study for my stupid Chemistry quiz tomorrow. Ughghh. I hate Chemistry so much! And what makes it suck even more is that I'm such a terrible student. I wish I was diligent with my studies and all, but I just can't seem to manage my time right! And I can never seem to set my priorities straight! Oh Lord! I'm such a failure! I have so many weaknesses and shortcomings it's awful. Is my time up yet? Oh darn. I still have a ways to go! I want to go to sleep! My eyelids are drooping. I guess I should have been smart and done this a little earlier. but like I said I don't manage my time efficiently. I wonder if the person reading this is actually reading this carefully or just breezing by it to see if I actually did the assignment and put some effort into it. Do you call this effort? Because it is. it really is. I think I'll go to the architecture library tomorrow. hmm. I hope that cute guy's there! Ha! (like I'm going to do anything really. I'm actually really well preserved. I'm a preserved vessel never dated, never gone to a party, never done drugs, smoked, drank. never done any of that stuff. and it's all because I love the Lord, and I want to be ""well pleasing in His eyes"". therefore, I must present my body as a ""living sacrifice to Him"" because. it should no longer be "" I who live, but Christ who liveth in me"") Oh. I'm so ready to stop now! I want to go shopping! But I feel so poor! I am poor actually. I don't have any money. and neither does the rest of my family. We live on scraps. I guess you could say! I'm so glad we could afford to send me to college! But my brother and sister will have to slave to help finance my way through these 4 years. Oh Lord! Yea! My time's up!  ",Emotions: Anxiety,"Okay. I don't really know what to write. being timed really makes me nervous no matter what I have to do. I have to study for Chemistry. and my roommate is standing over my shoulder. which makes me even more nervous! Ahh! Hmm, what am I going to become when I grow up? I don't know if I have what it takes to become a doctor! And my dad wants me to become an architect now! Oh geeze. I think I'm just going to have to give this all to the Lord. Oh Lord! Anyway, there's so many things I have to do. but all I really want to do is nothing. isn't that a classic? I feel like I'm getting fatter, and I know that I shouldn't be worrying about getting fat since most people consider me average and say that I'm already skinny enough, but I think that being in a ballet company my Jr. year of High School really messed up my mind. They told me to lose 5 lbs or more, and now I'm always so concerned about my weight. Ahh, I love ballet, but I don't think I'll ever want to really become a professional ballerina. even though my ballet teacher really really wants me too! I'm really hungry right now. I want to eat some more Mexican food. Mmm. Mexican food. too bad there's nothing good to eat in the fridge downstairs. bummer. Oh Lord help me! I think I'm starting to get really homesick now; I miss my mommy and my daddy. But most of all, I miss my brother! I want to go to California! I want a big cold front to come in soon. I can't stand this hot humid weather anymore. even though I'm used to it (since I'm from Houston). My back hurts. I think it's from trying to work out on my roommate's torso track. Actually, every part of my body hurts right now. I wish someone in the house knew how to give really good massages right now because I could really go for one right about now. I'm dead tired too. but I can't go to sleep since I have to study for my stupid Chemistry quiz tomorrow. Ughghh. I hate Chemistry so much! And what makes it suck even more is that I'm such a terrible student. I wish I was diligent with my studies and all, but I just can't seem to manage my time right! And I can never seem to set my priorities straight! Oh Lord! I'm such a failure! I have so many weaknesses and shortcomings it's awful. Is my time up yet? Oh darn. I still have a ways to go! I want to go to sleep! My eyelids are drooping. I guess I should have been smart and done this a little earlier. but like I said I don't manage my time efficiently. I wonder if the person reading this is actually reading this carefully or just breezing by it to see if I actually did the assignment and put some effort into it. Do you call this effort? Because it is. it really is. I think I'll go to the architecture library tomorrow. hmm. I hope that cute guy's there! Ha! (like I'm going to do anything really. I'm actually really well preserved. I'm a preserved vessel never dated, never gone to a party, never done drugs, smoked, drank. never done any of that stuff. and it's all because I love the Lord, and I want to be ""well pleasing in His eyes"". therefore, I must present my body as a ""living sacrifice to Him"" because. it should no longer be "" I who live, but Christ who liveth in me"") Oh. I'm so ready to stop now! I want to go shopping! But I feel so poor! I am poor actually. I don't have any money. and neither does the rest of my family. We live on scraps. I guess you could say! I'm so glad we could afford to send me to college! But my brother and sister will have to slave to help finance my way through these 4 years. Oh Lord! Yea! My time's up!  ",Emotions,Anxiety
1998_551027.txt,"It is weird to be here because usually people are here and I could visit them but no one is at home. My brother is now doing all the stuff I did last year and it's kind of a weird role reversal. I am also frustrated because I am here and if it was normal circumstances Jared would be here but of course his family decided to take a vacation and they are out of town. and it's so weird and frustrating to be here and not be able to just call him and see him, I guess it is part of the annoying ""sensitivity"" that girls seem to employ. I need to get out of that habit. But, in an hour and a half or so, I will be driving back to UT and bringing my roommate's and also my friends from here. The whole situation did not work out exactly how we planned because I was going to stay here this whole weekend but then Jill's ride got all messed up so if I don't bring her up today I have Chris and Emily who will be very disappointed and I would feel guilty if I just stayed here instead. but actually I kind of just do want to stay here at home for awhile and actually get some stuff done and just relax but I also am torn the other way too. Whatever, my mind is so strange sometimes. and also I am feeling stupid writing all these thoughts down. Am I going to be diagnosed with some kind of disorder by what I've written? rhetorical question. computers can be very frustrating. It is really getting on my nerves that I am not allowed to complete my pretesting requirement on here. at first I couldn't even access the screen to type in my social security number and then when I could do that it won't accept my password or user name. That is all very frustrating and I've tried all these different computers trying to access it. Oh well. Hopefully, I will finally figure it out. As I just skimmed over what I've written thus far, I am worried. The blurb above says there is no right or wrong thing to say but I have before, just done completely the opposite of what was intended on an assignment and I had to redo it so this makes me slightly nervous as to if the content of this is adequate or not. It is very quiet in this area right now and my thoughts seem so loud in comparison since they are all that I can ""hear"" and it all the activity that is going on. This assignment is actually kind of ironic because usually, I do write down everything that is in my head, like my thoughts and my feelings, and it helps me sort things out. It usually angers my friends because then they never know what upset me before because I wouldn't say anything because I'd have to go write it down to figure it out. Yet, while I'm typing this, it seems so forced to have to write down my thoughts. I guess because the ""audience"" I am typing for is so unknown and I feel self conscious of what I write. I just thought about this calculus homework I've been trying to work on for the past hour or so. It is so aggravating to try and understand something and completely fail or only understand a little bit which does nothing for progress toward solving the problem. I guess that is something I miss. I miss my smaller classes where there was always a lot of discussion and interaction. I guess in a way I'm being selfish but I can't help feeling that way. Oh well, I guess I am still in transition but I'm used to everything I just am not sure how much I like everything. well, I guess that is all my thoughts for now. I am so random sometimes. My train of thought that leads me to some comment or question is sometimes so mixed up and completely out of nowhere that I can't even believe how I think of some things. I'm not sure. But I bet a psychologist somewhere could figure that dilemma out. : ) ",Thinking styles: Planning,"It is weird to be here because usually people are here and I could visit them but no one is at home. My brother is now doing all the stuff I did last year and it's kind of a weird role reversal. I am also frustrated because I am here and if it was normal circumstances Jared would be here but of course his family decided to take a vacation and they are out of town. and it's so weird and frustrating to be here and not be able to just call him and see him, I guess it is part of the annoying ""sensitivity"" that girls seem to employ. I need to get out of that habit. But, in an hour and a half or so, I will be driving back to UT and bringing my roommate's and also my friends from here. The whole situation did not work out exactly how we planned because I was going to stay here this whole weekend but then Jill's ride got all messed up so if I don't bring her up today I have Chris and Emily who will be very disappointed and I would feel guilty if I just stayed here instead. but actually I kind of just do want to stay here at home for awhile and actually get some stuff done and just relax but I also am torn the other way too. Whatever, my mind is so strange sometimes. and also I am feeling stupid writing all these thoughts down. Am I going to be diagnosed with some kind of disorder by what I've written? rhetorical question. computers can be very frustrating. It is really getting on my nerves that I am not allowed to complete my pretesting requirement on here. at first I couldn't even access the screen to type in my social security number and then when I could do that it won't accept my password or user name. That is all very frustrating and I've tried all these different computers trying to access it. Oh well. Hopefully, I will finally figure it out. As I just skimmed over what I've written thus far, I am worried. The blurb above says there is no right or wrong thing to say but I have before, just done completely the opposite of what was intended on an assignment and I had to redo it so this makes me slightly nervous as to if the content of this is adequate or not. It is very quiet in this area right now and my thoughts seem so loud in comparison since they are all that I can ""hear"" and it all the activity that is going on. This assignment is actually kind of ironic because usually, I do write down everything that is in my head, like my thoughts and my feelings, and it helps me sort things out. It usually angers my friends because then they never know what upset me before because I wouldn't say anything because I'd have to go write it down to figure it out. Yet, while I'm typing this, it seems so forced to have to write down my thoughts. I guess because the ""audience"" I am typing for is so unknown and I feel self conscious of what I write. I just thought about this calculus homework I've been trying to work on for the past hour or so. It is so aggravating to try and understand something and completely fail or only understand a little bit which does nothing for progress toward solving the problem. I guess that is something I miss. I miss my smaller classes where there was always a lot of discussion and interaction. I guess in a way I'm being selfish but I can't help feeling that way. Oh well, I guess I am still in transition but I'm used to everything I just am not sure how much I like everything. well, I guess that is all my thoughts for now. I am so random sometimes. My train of thought that leads me to some comment or question is sometimes so mixed up and completely out of nowhere that I can't even believe how I think of some things. I'm not sure. But I bet a psychologist somewhere could figure that dilemma out. : ) ",Thinking styles,Planning
1997_369589.txt,"Stream of consciousness, I just ate breakfast and my stomach hurts, my stomach hurt when I got in my first accident two years ago. stupid car, I got in a wreck just recently I was going down the road and I came to a usual stop behind a car sat there for about 3 sec an the stupid ford ranger just came billowing into my rear end and crushed it, what are you looking for, would this be considered paranoia,  why do you care so much about what I am thinking, I want to go home some times but to the home you see in movies, the ones with home cooked meals and clean rooms or even sofas to sleep on and it would be a good experience. I really want a dog, my do at home really sucks, she is old and acts like a cat, a robber came into our house a few years ago and the dog peed on itself the ran away, stupid dog. do you think I hold allot of hostility, I like to portray I don't care what anyone thinks, but that is not always true because some time to reach my goal I have to care a little bit, stupid hormones. you probably will not even read this so I guess it really does not matter exactly what I say. I wonder how long these things usually are, mine based on the amount of time I have spent writing will be four lines long, but those are some really long lines. I thing the guy next to me is hitting enter, so his is longer than mine. you know your class is too big it is hard to get any interaction so it gets boring. I tell my friend he has , he is not my friend, but I tell him he has no tact, but when I think about it neither do I and I grub with my money because I do not have much of it too spend I am 'a broke bitch!!' actually my lines are probably going to add up to about 3, but that is cool, the gut next to me has not written for 20 min, but hey jip the man, that is my motto, take as much as you can and get your moneys worth, I leave the lights on all the time in my dorm room because I want to waste electricity, and I leave the water running in the sink when I brush my teeth!!  yeah jip the man. I really want a computer in my room and it is upsetting that I do not have one because I have had one all my life and I am supposed to start right now not having one what kind of cruel god designated the lot in my life for. I want to learn to hack into very large computer and take control of them, haha!! I will the most powerful man in the world,  my and my delusions of grandure@idiot. com. what ever, I figured out that that could be take as an insult, doesn't surprise me though, people take to much to the heart these days!  this girl I met she is a room mate of a friend of mine, but she is constantly telling people about her promissory ring and about her boy friend, but then after a party she messes around with my best friend, it is not that I am jealous of he so much that he got to mess around with her but the fact she did it at all, he gets some much action. I kind of respected her bitchiness, but then she had to go off and just go back on everything she said. dork. I am kind of jealous of the fact that Joe messed, really broke her, that is kind of cool, and I wish I got to do it just for the reason of doing it. I really need to get a girl friend, I want some one I can rely on every once on in a while. beats the hell out of me,  girls are too confusing. music can control my feelings, NIN can send an adrenaline rush at me hard core. I drink too much when I drink. I do not drink all the time it is just when I do I drink too muck of it, so nothing can stop me now. I am out, this is cool I might do this again. later. ",Emotions: Anger,"Stream of consciousness, I just ate breakfast and my stomach hurts, my stomach hurt when I got in my first accident two years ago. stupid car, I got in a wreck just recently I was going down the road and I came to a usual stop behind a car sat there for about 3 sec an the stupid ford ranger just came billowing into my rear end and crushed it, what are you looking for, would this be considered paranoia,  why do you care so much about what I am thinking, I want to go home some times but to the home you see in movies, the ones with home cooked meals and clean rooms or even sofas to sleep on and it would be a good experience. I really want a dog, my do at home really sucks, she is old and acts like a cat, a robber came into our house a few years ago and the dog peed on itself the ran away, stupid dog. do you think I hold allot of hostility, I like to portray I don't care what anyone thinks, but that is not always true because some time to reach my goal I have to care a little bit, stupid hormones. you probably will not even read this so I guess it really does not matter exactly what I say. I wonder how long these things usually are, mine based on the amount of time I have spent writing will be four lines long, but those are some really long lines. I thing the guy next to me is hitting enter, so his is longer than mine. you know your class is too big it is hard to get any interaction so it gets boring. I tell my friend he has , he is not my friend, but I tell him he has no tact, but when I think about it neither do I and I grub with my money because I do not have much of it too spend I am 'a broke bitch!!' actually my lines are probably going to add up to about 3, but that is cool, the gut next to me has not written for 20 min, but hey jip the man, that is my motto, take as much as you can and get your moneys worth, I leave the lights on all the time in my dorm room because I want to waste electricity, and I leave the water running in the sink when I brush my teeth!!  yeah jip the man. I really want a computer in my room and it is upsetting that I do not have one because I have had one all my life and I am supposed to start right now not having one what kind of cruel god designated the lot in my life for. I want to learn to hack into very large computer and take control of them, haha!! I will the most powerful man in the world,  my and my delusions of grandure@idiot. com. what ever, I figured out that that could be take as an insult, doesn't surprise me though, people take to much to the heart these days!  this girl I met she is a room mate of a friend of mine, but she is constantly telling people about her promissory ring and about her boy friend, but then after a party she messes around with my best friend, it is not that I am jealous of he so much that he got to mess around with her but the fact she did it at all, he gets some much action. I kind of respected her bitchiness, but then she had to go off and just go back on everything she said. dork. I am kind of jealous of the fact that Joe messed, really broke her, that is kind of cool, and I wish I got to do it just for the reason of doing it. I really need to get a girl friend, I want some one I can rely on every once on in a while. beats the hell out of me,  girls are too confusing. music can control my feelings, NIN can send an adrenaline rush at me hard core. I drink too much when I drink. I do not drink all the time it is just when I do I drink too muck of it, so nothing can stop me now. I am out, this is cool I might do this again. later. ",Emotions,Anger
2002_665348.txt,"so , i am supposed to write what i think. thats sorat hard, because everytime you think a thought, it has disappeared by the time you have finished wirrint it. but at the moment i would like to talk about the one thing that is on lmy mind: my mother  yes, she is my mother, and yes, she is extremely overprotective. but i am in COLLEGE now . that is a wee different than high school in the sense that you have ot be. o whats the word. . independent   will do. yea you have to think for yourself, stand up for yourself, be yoursefl. except if your mother is preventing you from doing that, what are you supposed to do? if she doesnt let you come home later than whatever time she setss (which by the way is not very late at all) then you are basically in 9th grade again. do this, do that. and the worst part is, she never directly states what is on her mind. she starts out by asking questions. where were you all this time? i was worrying? why didnt you tell me?  i did ma. i don't remember  well thats too bad . i have to go tomorrow as well  where? when? till what time?  who what where when why and how, she might as well be a journalist. she instilled morals and values on me. doesnt she trust her own upbringing?  doesnt she trust me?  trust is anothe issue and overprotectiveness is another. or at least i think she is being overprotective. maybe to her indian standards she is extremely liberal. maybe. but this isnt india! this is the us, land of freedom. not that i'm going to go off and elope with some pierced stranger. i just want some privacy, some freedom. and most of all i want to move out. that in itself would solve so many problems. first of all, i wouldnt have to listen to her critisizing me one moment and loving methe next. she also would be liberated from my constant bickering and un called for interruptions. i wouldnt be too far away and yet not close enough to be distracted. everytime i try to study, she comes in every 15 to 20 mts. unless of course if she is taking a   nap   of 3 hours or so. but i feel guilty. i feel guilty for the way i am thinking. she deserves that nap, every second of it. if i worked as hard as she does, i would be half unconscious by now. but she finds time for a full time job, for being a single mother, for paying bills, for making food, for everything you would want a mother to do, as well as everything you wish she wouldnt do. she is the epitome of motherhood, in all its glory and grime. she has her pro's and cons, and i love her for that. but sometimes she can be a real pain.  enought about her, i still have 12 minutes of writing left. what can i write about. lets see, college. yes college is most definitely on my mind at the moment, because i am doing a college assignment. i also have a bunch of homework to do after this and it is already 10 pm. i am not too good at doing all nighters. the latest i have slept is 5 am. and that was not study related. that was lets have a girl cousin talk thing.  but that aside, college seems to be hard, but not as hard as i had thought it to be. i am not completely clueless as to what is beingsaid in my classes, but at the same time, i am quite amazed at the amount of reading that has to be done. its not the reading actually, its the note taking that is required in intense detail and that takes up a whole lot of time. i am trying to think of what to think and it isnt working too well, so i'll just write about my family. well theres my brother and i could go on and on about him. personally i think he's a spoiled brat. he has as much potential as his fourteen yr old cerebrum can handle, but that potential is over ridden by his spoiled bratedness. he is plain spoiled , by my mother mostly. when i was his age ( now why does that sound so familiar. . i am not that old, am i?) i was super disciplined by my father; the beatings, the cruel and unusual punishments, the whole package. yes, so i think i am definitely more responsible. whereas my younger sibling, he has the disadvantage of being not only a spoiled brat, but an extremely lazy spoiled brat. he reads a lot, and thats pretty much the only good thing about him. another controversial curse in the form of a blessing is that he can phase out the rebukes of my mother. now one minute ago i was critisizing him and now i'm commending him, but not really. it only seems to be a boon at certain times, like if i really did not want to hear my mother tell me how all the other girls my age are doing jobs and iam sitting around and my legs are gettin fat andn how i should exercise more. because she has already said it 10 times that week and wishes to say it once more, as if i couldnt hear her say it 10 times, whereas i actually could. that didnt sound like it made sense. but yea. this stream of consciousness thing, i did it in senior yr ap english. my teacher, mrs. lydic was one . . uh. . unique lady. she was somewhat crazy in the sense that she drank unbelievely outrageous amounts of coffee and had this almost supernatural smirk/ smile on her face. and her hair was always the exact same way. side parting with a big dome of hair on the top. yes i sound so shallow in this  callow description of her physical faults, but it was that mingled with her personality that made the ap english experience not really unpleasant, but unusual. so after i discovered that i had to do a stream of consciousness paper in psychology i thought, i can never get rid of lydic. she will always be there. not that thats a bad thing. i suppose it is thanks to her ( and my own diligent efforts) that i got a 4 on the english literature advanced placement exam. but now i have less than 30 secons left and i would just like to say, this soc paper didnt really provide a catharsis for me. ",Emotions: Discomfort,"so , i am supposed to write what i think. thats sorat hard, because everytime you think a thought, it has disappeared by the time you have finished wirrint it. but at the moment i would like to talk about the one thing that is on lmy mind: my mother  yes, she is my mother, and yes, she is extremely overprotective. but i am in COLLEGE now . that is a wee different than high school in the sense that you have ot be. o whats the word. . independent   will do. yea you have to think for yourself, stand up for yourself, be yoursefl. except if your mother is preventing you from doing that, what are you supposed to do? if she doesnt let you come home later than whatever time she setss (which by the way is not very late at all) then you are basically in 9th grade again. do this, do that. and the worst part is, she never directly states what is on her mind. she starts out by asking questions. where were you all this time? i was worrying? why didnt you tell me?  i did ma. i don't remember  well thats too bad . i have to go tomorrow as well  where? when? till what time?  who what where when why and how, she might as well be a journalist. she instilled morals and values on me. doesnt she trust her own upbringing?  doesnt she trust me?  trust is anothe issue and overprotectiveness is another. or at least i think she is being overprotective. maybe to her indian standards she is extremely liberal. maybe. but this isnt india! this is the us, land of freedom. not that i'm going to go off and elope with some pierced stranger. i just want some privacy, some freedom. and most of all i want to move out. that in itself would solve so many problems. first of all, i wouldnt have to listen to her critisizing me one moment and loving methe next. she also would be liberated from my constant bickering and un called for interruptions. i wouldnt be too far away and yet not close enough to be distracted. everytime i try to study, she comes in every 15 to 20 mts. unless of course if she is taking a   nap   of 3 hours or so. but i feel guilty. i feel guilty for the way i am thinking. she deserves that nap, every second of it. if i worked as hard as she does, i would be half unconscious by now. but she finds time for a full time job, for being a single mother, for paying bills, for making food, for everything you would want a mother to do, as well as everything you wish she wouldnt do. she is the epitome of motherhood, in all its glory and grime. she has her pro's and cons, and i love her for that. but sometimes she can be a real pain.  enought about her, i still have 12 minutes of writing left. what can i write about. lets see, college. yes college is most definitely on my mind at the moment, because i am doing a college assignment. i also have a bunch of homework to do after this and it is already 10 pm. i am not too good at doing all nighters. the latest i have slept is 5 am. and that was not study related. that was lets have a girl cousin talk thing.  but that aside, college seems to be hard, but not as hard as i had thought it to be. i am not completely clueless as to what is beingsaid in my classes, but at the same time, i am quite amazed at the amount of reading that has to be done. its not the reading actually, its the note taking that is required in intense detail and that takes up a whole lot of time. i am trying to think of what to think and it isnt working too well, so i'll just write about my family. well theres my brother and i could go on and on about him. personally i think he's a spoiled brat. he has as much potential as his fourteen yr old cerebrum can handle, but that potential is over ridden by his spoiled bratedness. he is plain spoiled , by my mother mostly. when i was his age ( now why does that sound so familiar. . i am not that old, am i?) i was super disciplined by my father; the beatings, the cruel and unusual punishments, the whole package. yes, so i think i am definitely more responsible. whereas my younger sibling, he has the disadvantage of being not only a spoiled brat, but an extremely lazy spoiled brat. he reads a lot, and thats pretty much the only good thing about him. another controversial curse in the form of a blessing is that he can phase out the rebukes of my mother. now one minute ago i was critisizing him and now i'm commending him, but not really. it only seems to be a boon at certain times, like if i really did not want to hear my mother tell me how all the other girls my age are doing jobs and iam sitting around and my legs are gettin fat andn how i should exercise more. because she has already said it 10 times that week and wishes to say it once more, as if i couldnt hear her say it 10 times, whereas i actually could. that didnt sound like it made sense. but yea. this stream of consciousness thing, i did it in senior yr ap english. my teacher, mrs. lydic was one . . uh. . unique lady. she was somewhat crazy in the sense that she drank unbelievely outrageous amounts of coffee and had this almost supernatural smirk/ smile on her face. and her hair was always the exact same way. side parting with a big dome of hair on the top. yes i sound so shallow in this  callow description of her physical faults, but it was that mingled with her personality that made the ap english experience not really unpleasant, but unusual. so after i discovered that i had to do a stream of consciousness paper in psychology i thought, i can never get rid of lydic. she will always be there. not that thats a bad thing. i suppose it is thanks to her ( and my own diligent efforts) that i got a 4 on the english literature advanced placement exam. but now i have less than 30 secons left and i would just like to say, this soc paper didnt really provide a catharsis for me. ",Emotions,Discomfort
2003_505.txt,"I just woke up and I am feeling so drowsy. I just went to a belly dancing show yesterday and I am thinking about how fun it was. Man  that iranian guy at the club was so hot, I wish I could go up to him and talk to him, but I'm too scared. I feel like I'd be rejected in two seconds. He didn't even look at me, or did he? that dirty old arab guy was freaky though, he kept asking me to dance with him and that made me really uncomfortable. I am really really hungry, and the droning of the refrigerator isn't making the situation any better. I'm afraid to even open the refrigerator door because it smells so bad in there. We really need baking soda. I wonder if the chemistry test is going to be hard, I really hope I understand the difference between atoms and molecules and I don't completely blank out during the test. This assignment is really cool, it's helping me empty out everything in my head. it is extremely cold in here and I want to go talk to that guy on the second floor. He was such a nice person and I haven't really met any Iranians here. I hope the iranians in the ISACO club are nice and they aren't like all those fake iranian girls that dye their hair blonde and all have nose jobs and live at the mall. That reminds me of Bahareh, she was such a rude, mean stupid girl. She had no right in saying those things to me, and for some reason I can't get over it. I am thinking of Erfon, I wonder what happened to him, he reminds me of Kourosh, I hope he doesn't become afraid of me like kourosh did though. I wonder why Kourosh is acting like that? I haven't talked to him in a really long time, he shouldn't be intimidated by me! Anyway my hand is beginning to hurt and my pants are really loose on me I think if I lose any more weight they will fall off! UT's campus really makes you work out man, I wouldn't have even lifted a finger if I had gone to a college in Houston, but this school makes you work. I am taking a lot of science courses, and I hope I can handle it. I talk to God at night and I hope he hears me, I hope he helps me get through all my classes successfully, I mean, my parents expect me to get all A's. Dad said if I don't' come home with a 4. 0  GPA then I shouldn't even come home. That's not fair and how come they always compare me to Neema? It's not fair that I'm known as the not so good"" kid, even though I've never done anything BAD in  my life. I mean for God's sake I've never even gone on a date so why should they think I'm the ""BAD KID""? I guess it's because Neema gets along with mom so much better. I really wish I had a good relationship with mom, it sucks how we can't get along ever. She was right when she said yesterday that we can't stand each other for more than a few seconds a day. We just don't understand each other, she keeps lecturing me and it pisses me off. There is only so much one person can stand, you know? I can't take being lectured three hundred hours a day, it makes me sick, how would you like it if someone kept telling you bla bla don't do this bla bla don't do that. Dad is so much easier to get along with, although he has a temper like a mofo and he is stubborn as hell! He is such a kind gentle man, I love my dad, he works so hard for our family, I hope to repay him with success. I hope he lives forever, I hope they both live forever. My legs are beginning to hurt and there is a piece of hair that has fallen on my arm and it tickles me! For some reason, I woke up this morning and my hair was curly, it was the strangest thing, usually my hair is a giant nappy fro, but today it was pretty and silky. Ut isn't as humid as houston, and I'm glad. Dude I really miss Nasim, she is such an awesome person. I emailed her the other day, but she never ever checks her email. I wonder why I never call anyone! I feel so rude when people call me and tell me, ""uh how come you haven't called us that's so inconsiderate"" but I'm just not a phone person, I guess. I really should call people back and let them know I care, I think I get this aspect of my character from mom because she doesn't like calling people either. It's not that I don't like talking to my friends, it's just that I never think to call them. I will though, definitely, today I will call sogol and ponta and nasim. I will call stephanie and jennifer and batool. Well I'm sitting in a room that is covered with various books and study guides and it's all a bit overwhelming. I really hope I can handle everything, although, I seem to switch out of every class I think is too hard. which is really a dumb thing to do because it means I can't handle challenges. I really need to swallow my fear and just take risks. I would take risks although all my friends are grandmas and they are so cautious that I think it might be rubbing of on me too. I need to go find friends that don't mind driving around campus at 2 a. m. but I don't want friends that drink. What on earth is up with drinking? what is so great about it? There is no way in hell I'm going to drink. So many people have told me ""oh don't worry marjon, you'll start drinking when you get in college"" Uhhh no I'm not, I think I know myself better than anyone else knows me and I know I'm not going to drink. I don't even think I'm going to date, I'm so afraid of rejection. I've been rejected a million times before in my own head that I can't fathom going out and actually trying to get a date. I mean I don't really know if people reject me, I think I'm being paranoid when I say that, sometimes a flicker of someone's eye sparks me off and I think they don't like me. I guess that makes me kind of insecure, or paranoid. Sometimes I make too much of situations, I over analyze and I think that what was a casual gesture was a gesture of hate? I don't know what I'm getting at here, perhaps I am not a very good judge of character. Although if I weren't a good judge of character than I would have horrible friends. Like nasim, nasim's friends are absolutely terrible, they teach her bad things and they put holes in her brain. She is such a pretty girl I wish she had stray away from that stuff and start studying so that she can come to UT. Man if you have brains and beauty, that's a big plus in this world, everything in America is aesthetic, I've noticed that. People are more inclined to talk to you if you are pretty. People don't give a crap about you if you aren't pretty. It's so superficial and stupid. I wish people's inner beauty could shine through, because most of the really gorgeous girls aren't deep. they are like a pond they are so shallow. I think it is time to get up because my feet have both fallen asleep and I know when I stand they will burn like pin pricks in my fee ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I just woke up and I am feeling so drowsy. I just went to a belly dancing show yesterday and I am thinking about how fun it was. Man  that iranian guy at the club was so hot, I wish I could go up to him and talk to him, but I'm too scared. I feel like I'd be rejected in two seconds. He didn't even look at me, or did he? that dirty old arab guy was freaky though, he kept asking me to dance with him and that made me really uncomfortable. I am really really hungry, and the droning of the refrigerator isn't making the situation any better. I'm afraid to even open the refrigerator door because it smells so bad in there. We really need baking soda. I wonder if the chemistry test is going to be hard, I really hope I understand the difference between atoms and molecules and I don't completely blank out during the test. This assignment is really cool, it's helping me empty out everything in my head. it is extremely cold in here and I want to go talk to that guy on the second floor. He was such a nice person and I haven't really met any Iranians here. I hope the iranians in the ISACO club are nice and they aren't like all those fake iranian girls that dye their hair blonde and all have nose jobs and live at the mall. That reminds me of Bahareh, she was such a rude, mean stupid girl. She had no right in saying those things to me, and for some reason I can't get over it. I am thinking of Erfon, I wonder what happened to him, he reminds me of Kourosh, I hope he doesn't become afraid of me like kourosh did though. I wonder why Kourosh is acting like that? I haven't talked to him in a really long time, he shouldn't be intimidated by me! Anyway my hand is beginning to hurt and my pants are really loose on me I think if I lose any more weight they will fall off! UT's campus really makes you work out man, I wouldn't have even lifted a finger if I had gone to a college in Houston, but this school makes you work. I am taking a lot of science courses, and I hope I can handle it. I talk to God at night and I hope he hears me, I hope he helps me get through all my classes successfully, I mean, my parents expect me to get all A's. Dad said if I don't' come home with a 4. 0  GPA then I shouldn't even come home. That's not fair and how come they always compare me to Neema? It's not fair that I'm known as the not so good"" kid, even though I've never done anything BAD in  my life. I mean for God's sake I've never even gone on a date so why should they think I'm the ""BAD KID""? I guess it's because Neema gets along with mom so much better. I really wish I had a good relationship with mom, it sucks how we can't get along ever. She was right when she said yesterday that we can't stand each other for more than a few seconds a day. We just don't understand each other, she keeps lecturing me and it pisses me off. There is only so much one person can stand, you know? I can't take being lectured three hundred hours a day, it makes me sick, how would you like it if someone kept telling you bla bla don't do this bla bla don't do that. Dad is so much easier to get along with, although he has a temper like a mofo and he is stubborn as hell! He is such a kind gentle man, I love my dad, he works so hard for our family, I hope to repay him with success. I hope he lives forever, I hope they both live forever. My legs are beginning to hurt and there is a piece of hair that has fallen on my arm and it tickles me! For some reason, I woke up this morning and my hair was curly, it was the strangest thing, usually my hair is a giant nappy fro, but today it was pretty and silky. Ut isn't as humid as houston, and I'm glad. Dude I really miss Nasim, she is such an awesome person. I emailed her the other day, but she never ever checks her email. I wonder why I never call anyone! I feel so rude when people call me and tell me, ""uh how come you haven't called us that's so inconsiderate"" but I'm just not a phone person, I guess. I really should call people back and let them know I care, I think I get this aspect of my character from mom because she doesn't like calling people either. It's not that I don't like talking to my friends, it's just that I never think to call them. I will though, definitely, today I will call sogol and ponta and nasim. I will call stephanie and jennifer and batool. Well I'm sitting in a room that is covered with various books and study guides and it's all a bit overwhelming. I really hope I can handle everything, although, I seem to switch out of every class I think is too hard. which is really a dumb thing to do because it means I can't handle challenges. I really need to swallow my fear and just take risks. I would take risks although all my friends are grandmas and they are so cautious that I think it might be rubbing of on me too. I need to go find friends that don't mind driving around campus at 2 a. m. but I don't want friends that drink. What on earth is up with drinking? what is so great about it? There is no way in hell I'm going to drink. So many people have told me ""oh don't worry marjon, you'll start drinking when you get in college"" Uhhh no I'm not, I think I know myself better than anyone else knows me and I know I'm not going to drink. I don't even think I'm going to date, I'm so afraid of rejection. I've been rejected a million times before in my own head that I can't fathom going out and actually trying to get a date. I mean I don't really know if people reject me, I think I'm being paranoid when I say that, sometimes a flicker of someone's eye sparks me off and I think they don't like me. I guess that makes me kind of insecure, or paranoid. Sometimes I make too much of situations, I over analyze and I think that what was a casual gesture was a gesture of hate? I don't know what I'm getting at here, perhaps I am not a very good judge of character. Although if I weren't a good judge of character than I would have horrible friends. Like nasim, nasim's friends are absolutely terrible, they teach her bad things and they put holes in her brain. She is such a pretty girl I wish she had stray away from that stuff and start studying so that she can come to UT. Man if you have brains and beauty, that's a big plus in this world, everything in America is aesthetic, I've noticed that. People are more inclined to talk to you if you are pretty. People don't give a crap about you if you aren't pretty. It's so superficial and stupid. I wish people's inner beauty could shine through, because most of the really gorgeous girls aren't deep. they are like a pond they are so shallow. I think it is time to get up because my feet have both fallen asleep and I know when I stand they will burn like pin pricks in my fee ",Emotions,Anxiety
1998_979711.txt,"I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does  believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems. ",Social Awareness: Self-consciousness,"I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does  believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems. ",Social Awareness,Self-consciousness
2000_550042.txt,"So, I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. I wonder what I'm supposed to write about. Thousands of ideas enter my mind, but one completely stands out. My roommate is again in a fight with her boyfriend. How can one person have so much anger trapped up inside of them? How can one person be so hurt and so hurtful to or from another. I know that I sometimes get in fights with my boyfriend. But they are nothing like this. I just don't really understand her sometimes. She complains that they don't talk enough, but when they are on the phone  they have absolutely nothing to talk about. What else is new, all she does is sit around in the room waiting for him to call all of the time. I go to class, come back, and there she sits still. I just can't do that. I mean, I'm dedicated and love my boyfriend, but not to the point of putting my own happiness and life on the line for one person. I don't think that I'm selfish, I feel like I have my priorities straighter. Except I happen to be the one without the degree plan that everyone else already has set up. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many opportunities out there, how do you know deadon what you would like to be? My interests change daytoday. One day I want to do this, then the next day it's this other thing. The only sure thing and deadmindset thing that I'm involved with is my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time, and I've never felt as strong about anyone as I feel about him. We make all these plans for our future together that I hope come true. But they are only things that I want right now. I would love to marry this guy, I've been settled down for over a year now, and I'm happy this way. We both adjusted our lives for each other. I just wish the time was here. But I can't help to think of that continuous thought in the back of my head, of what if. I am extremely superstitious. I believe that there is a reason why we met each other, and every event that has happened since, has. But maybe I don't always get what I want because I'm supposed to meet someone else while he is not around. I have never been happier in my life, and I am always afraid of change. This move down here to college shuck me up enough. Now things are finally getting settled and I'm meeting tons of people, but I don't know whether or not I should dedicate my time to what I am giving it to. I make time for everyone, but not always for everyone. I keep a lot of time to myself. I hate having to turn people down, but it seems as if I am always doing that. Tomorrow my friend invited me over for dinner, and that should be a lot of fun. We have kind of lost touch, and it should be good for us to get back into the swing of things. Well, I think that has been twenty minutes. I hope you enjoyed my ""interesting"" train of thought. ",Social Awareness: Consideration for Others,"So, I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. I wonder what I'm supposed to write about. Thousands of ideas enter my mind, but one completely stands out. My roommate is again in a fight with her boyfriend. How can one person have so much anger trapped up inside of them? How can one person be so hurt and so hurtful to or from another. I know that I sometimes get in fights with my boyfriend. But they are nothing like this. I just don't really understand her sometimes. She complains that they don't talk enough, but when they are on the phone  they have absolutely nothing to talk about. What else is new, all she does is sit around in the room waiting for him to call all of the time. I go to class, come back, and there she sits still. I just can't do that. I mean, I'm dedicated and love my boyfriend, but not to the point of putting my own happiness and life on the line for one person. I don't think that I'm selfish, I feel like I have my priorities straighter. Except I happen to be the one without the degree plan that everyone else already has set up. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many opportunities out there, how do you know deadon what you would like to be? My interests change daytoday. One day I want to do this, then the next day it's this other thing. The only sure thing and deadmindset thing that I'm involved with is my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time, and I've never felt as strong about anyone as I feel about him. We make all these plans for our future together that I hope come true. But they are only things that I want right now. I would love to marry this guy, I've been settled down for over a year now, and I'm happy this way. We both adjusted our lives for each other. I just wish the time was here. But I can't help to think of that continuous thought in the back of my head, of what if. I am extremely superstitious. I believe that there is a reason why we met each other, and every event that has happened since, has. But maybe I don't always get what I want because I'm supposed to meet someone else while he is not around. I have never been happier in my life, and I am always afraid of change. This move down here to college shuck me up enough. Now things are finally getting settled and I'm meeting tons of people, but I don't know whether or not I should dedicate my time to what I am giving it to. I make time for everyone, but not always for everyone. I keep a lot of time to myself. I hate having to turn people down, but it seems as if I am always doing that. Tomorrow my friend invited me over for dinner, and that should be a lot of fun. We have kind of lost touch, and it should be good for us to get back into the swing of things. Well, I think that has been twenty minutes. I hope you enjoyed my ""interesting"" train of thought. ",Social Awareness,Consideration for Others
2000_713951.txt,"I feel strange because I'm in a world of completely new things. I tell myself that is all the same from any other people or situation, and it is in a way because if I always look at myself from an aerial view I will only see myself as one of the others, that we are all masses of tissue. But this is difficult because I know that I am myself, in a sense, and that really, everything will happen to me and the only way I can interpret the stimuli is by the way it comes to me, pertains to me. I don't want to be selfish, in the other respect of that word, but by thinking about myself I know that I therefore am selfish. I was depressed for a few days because I did not want to let go of another person. It was so much bullshit that I just finally sat on the roof and sorted everything out, looking at the stars. I came to the conclusion that I didn't need that right now, and that I was only cheating myself by believing this. It is strange because I have such problems with that. I realized recently that I have not reached the belonging. stage of life. Or maybe I reached it by not even trying, when I was very small, but I think ever since school started in kindergarten, as far as I can remember school wise, so maybe I have recessed back under that level of substantial importance. I'm having trouble being myself because I know that I don't even know myself. I do in a sense, but I sometimes think that it is just what I want to tell myself I'm like, and that I try to make myself the person that I think other people will like to see. Then I think that has everything to do with the belonging. factor. I am ultimately working towards self actualization. But I'm trying to be realistic in thinking that it won't be until I'm older like in my thirties. But it doesn't have to be that way. I don't want to feel like I can't do something, but I think how young I am and I think that I'm still just a little kid, and that I will have to work on this a lot more. I don't want to accept myself so I don't let others accept me. Its so hard, and winding. but now I know what I have to do, I have to find what it is that will make me chill out and respect myself and others. This is the key to passing the belonging stage of the cycle towards self actualization. I just need to stop worrying about shit like this and just be happy. And now I know what I have to do. ",Emotions: Responsibility,"I feel strange because I'm in a world of completely new things. I tell myself that is all the same from any other people or situation, and it is in a way because if I always look at myself from an aerial view I will only see myself as one of the others, that we are all masses of tissue. But this is difficult because I know that I am myself, in a sense, and that really, everything will happen to me and the only way I can interpret the stimuli is by the way it comes to me, pertains to me. I don't want to be selfish, in the other respect of that word, but by thinking about myself I know that I therefore am selfish. I was depressed for a few days because I did not want to let go of another person. It was so much bullshit that I just finally sat on the roof and sorted everything out, looking at the stars. I came to the conclusion that I didn't need that right now, and that I was only cheating myself by believing this. It is strange because I have such problems with that. I realized recently that I have not reached the belonging. stage of life. Or maybe I reached it by not even trying, when I was very small, but I think ever since school started in kindergarten, as far as I can remember school wise, so maybe I have recessed back under that level of substantial importance. I'm having trouble being myself because I know that I don't even know myself. I do in a sense, but I sometimes think that it is just what I want to tell myself I'm like, and that I try to make myself the person that I think other people will like to see. Then I think that has everything to do with the belonging. factor. I am ultimately working towards self actualization. But I'm trying to be realistic in thinking that it won't be until I'm older like in my thirties. But it doesn't have to be that way. I don't want to feel like I can't do something, but I think how young I am and I think that I'm still just a little kid, and that I will have to work on this a lot more. I don't want to accept myself so I don't let others accept me. Its so hard, and winding. but now I know what I have to do, I have to find what it is that will make me chill out and respect myself and others. This is the key to passing the belonging stage of the cycle towards self actualization. I just need to stop worrying about shit like this and just be happy. And now I know what I have to do. ",Emotions,Responsibility
2003_291.txt,"I don't know if I'm still mad at my friend. I hope she never does it again but somehow I think it'll take longer for her to change. Should I leave her alone or still hang out with her?  I'm getting tired of taking care of everyone. I don't know whether I want to go clubbing or go home this weekend. I sort of want to go home and get more food because I'm getting tired of the american food here. I don't hate olivia and I think its stupid that all these people hate her for no other reason than other people hating her. I think its very immature and you should get to know a person before judging her. I'm worried about my friend who is always taking drugs and she thinks its really cool. I had a writing assignment like this in high school. My psychology teacher in high school was so boring because she had a monotonous voice and she . I don't know but is very strange. I miss my high school life but I still prefer my college life. In high school everything seems controlled because my parents placed restrictions on my life but now here, its different because there is no one to control me. I sort of like this new freedom because my parents were really strict at home. I never got to stay out late but now, I could do whatever I want. I'm just afraid that I might mess up my schoolwork here at college. I don't want to mess up because I want a bright future but then I also want to experience and have fun my college years. So I have to learn how to set priorities to my life. I miss my high school life and I know that I could never go back to it. But I feel like I have truly lived my senior year of high school. High school was fun because I made friends I know I would keep for a lifetime. They are the ones I would call up if I'm upset or the ones I don't mind crying to. But in college, I feel like, no one really gives a damn about you unless you had some history with them. My classmates here, we're all in competition and the only ones I could turn to for now are the friends I had in high school. I just feel more comfortable being around them because I know that they've seen me through a lot of situations. I wish I could make more friends here at UT because its such a big campus and I want to be well connected. So I have started going to CBS and that's helping a lot I think not only because I meet people there but also it calms me down. Because thurs night I went clubbing and after that I still felt wild but now I'm ready to settle down and work hard in college. I don't want any regrets. I wish I could also find a boyfriend here at UT so I have someone I could rely or depend on. Because I'm tired of being depended on all the time. The ideal kind of guy would probably be a guy younger than me I would totally go for him. I wish it was summer, I like this UT campus because it just feels like home. It fits, because at home I'm always counting the days until I left home but now that I'm at uT I'm enjoying my days here. I don't usually like writing stuff like this because sometimes I feel like its a waste of time. I rather talk it out to someone so they can endure the pain of listening as well. Does someone actually read this?  Because this would be a lot of reading to do. not only to read my writing but also to read everyone's elses writing. What is the purpose of this writing?  I'm almost done, five more minutes of just rambling. This is like xanga. Everyone on there just rambles on forever about their day and their thoughts. Do they feel any different after they finish writing?  Well. xanga's are interesting to read when I'm bored but I don't think I would ever have one just because I don't want to waste my time on that and that I don't want to post up my personal life. I'm running out of stuff to say, I have never consider myself to be a very talkative person. Even to other people. I wish my roommate would get her internet port fixed because I'm tired of her always having to use my computer when she does something. Even if it was for schoolwork, I'm really anal about people touching my computer. Should I go and help her yell at the people who fixes computers because I want her to get it fixed now but she just seems to drag it. Is that selfish of me?  Well. I'm again running out of stuff to say and I have approx one more minute. My goals for college is to succeed I don't want to fail because its so much harder to climb back up again once you fall. Yay. almost time. 30 more sec. blah blah    20 more sec    I feel like an idiot just rambling here. ",Emotions: Irritation,"I don't know if I'm still mad at my friend. I hope she never does it again but somehow I think it'll take longer for her to change. Should I leave her alone or still hang out with her?  I'm getting tired of taking care of everyone. I don't know whether I want to go clubbing or go home this weekend. I sort of want to go home and get more food because I'm getting tired of the american food here. I don't hate olivia and I think its stupid that all these people hate her for no other reason than other people hating her. I think its very immature and you should get to know a person before judging her. I'm worried about my friend who is always taking drugs and she thinks its really cool. I had a writing assignment like this in high school. My psychology teacher in high school was so boring because she had a monotonous voice and she . I don't know but is very strange. I miss my high school life but I still prefer my college life. In high school everything seems controlled because my parents placed restrictions on my life but now here, its different because there is no one to control me. I sort of like this new freedom because my parents were really strict at home. I never got to stay out late but now, I could do whatever I want. I'm just afraid that I might mess up my schoolwork here at college. I don't want to mess up because I want a bright future but then I also want to experience and have fun my college years. So I have to learn how to set priorities to my life. I miss my high school life and I know that I could never go back to it. But I feel like I have truly lived my senior year of high school. High school was fun because I made friends I know I would keep for a lifetime. They are the ones I would call up if I'm upset or the ones I don't mind crying to. But in college, I feel like, no one really gives a damn about you unless you had some history with them. My classmates here, we're all in competition and the only ones I could turn to for now are the friends I had in high school. I just feel more comfortable being around them because I know that they've seen me through a lot of situations. I wish I could make more friends here at UT because its such a big campus and I want to be well connected. So I have started going to CBS and that's helping a lot I think not only because I meet people there but also it calms me down. Because thurs night I went clubbing and after that I still felt wild but now I'm ready to settle down and work hard in college. I don't want any regrets. I wish I could also find a boyfriend here at UT so I have someone I could rely or depend on. Because I'm tired of being depended on all the time. The ideal kind of guy would probably be a guy younger than me I would totally go for him. I wish it was summer, I like this UT campus because it just feels like home. It fits, because at home I'm always counting the days until I left home but now that I'm at uT I'm enjoying my days here. I don't usually like writing stuff like this because sometimes I feel like its a waste of time. I rather talk it out to someone so they can endure the pain of listening as well. Does someone actually read this?  Because this would be a lot of reading to do. not only to read my writing but also to read everyone's elses writing. What is the purpose of this writing?  I'm almost done, five more minutes of just rambling. This is like xanga. Everyone on there just rambles on forever about their day and their thoughts. Do they feel any different after they finish writing?  Well. xanga's are interesting to read when I'm bored but I don't think I would ever have one just because I don't want to waste my time on that and that I don't want to post up my personal life. I'm running out of stuff to say, I have never consider myself to be a very talkative person. Even to other people. I wish my roommate would get her internet port fixed because I'm tired of her always having to use my computer when she does something. Even if it was for schoolwork, I'm really anal about people touching my computer. Should I go and help her yell at the people who fixes computers because I want her to get it fixed now but she just seems to drag it. Is that selfish of me?  Well. I'm again running out of stuff to say and I have approx one more minute. My goals for college is to succeed I don't want to fail because its so much harder to climb back up again once you fall. Yay. almost time. 30 more sec. blah blah    20 more sec    I feel like an idiot just rambling here. ",Emotions,Irritation
1997_696801.txt,"What to write. I just missed dinner because I came down here to write this paper. I think that they should make dinner last longer then just till 7:00 at night. That sucks. Last night I requested that they give us a new couch because the one we have now hurts my back. Besides I saw what the new couches looked like and they are pretty cool. They are bright blue, not just plan gray. Grey is so boring. I wonder what I will do tonight. I could stay home and do my homework and sleep,  maybe get to see what a good night's sleep feels like. But I will most likely go out and party like I always get suckered into. So the guy situation on campus. Not to bad. The one I’m dating now is a sweetie. But now that I’m dating him it is not as fun anymore. Why is that?  The fun part is the challenge of getting the guy but now that I have him I don't want to spend any time with him. I am such a bitch. God, my eyes can't handle looking at a computer screen too long. They get all dried out. We have a Nintendo at our room upstairs, and I sit there for hours and my eyes kill me. Well, not really for hours, just a little exaggeration. My roommates are pretty cool. I like them a lot. Sometimes I feel bad because I don't spend as much time with them as they do together so now they are closer to each other and I kinda feel left out. But I spent my time with my other friends. My best friend Athena who is just down the hall and whom I love so very much. I am so glad that she is here. I would hate it here if she weren't. When I fist got here I was kinda upset that she was on my floor because I wanted my space and my time away from her, but now I love it. It is a perfect set up. I can go and visit her anytime I want and she can come to my room if she likes but I don't feel like hanging with her than I don't have to. How come I can write forever and this screen just keeps scooting over, it makes my feel like I’m not writing that much. Last time I did this I only wrote one line. And the sad thing was I was sitting at the computer for about an hour. I just had people distracting me. I wonder how you check your e-mail. I wonder if Chris wrote me. Chris is such a great guy. I hope he comes down and visits sometime soon. I miss the boy. He is the one guy I regret not ever liking. I had my chance with him and broke his heart, but I guess that's the way life goes. I always go for the loser guys who treat me like shit. Maybe that's why I never like a guy after I finally know he likes me, he is too nice and treats me too well. Doesn't that suck. I thought that the psy. experiment in class was very entertaining. I hope that I do well in this class it is truly an interesting subject. But is seems like I won't be doing well in any of my classes. I don't concentrate enough. I came down here thinking that I was going to get a 4. 0, or at least close to that. But now my study habits have gotten so bad that I don't know what is going to happen to my. I think that I will change my ways and get back on track. I started out exercising every day too, but now I haven't ran in several days. The freshman 15 here I come. Ok that has been 20 min. Hope you had fun analyzing me! ",Emotions: Empathy,"What to write. I just missed dinner because I came down here to write this paper. I think that they should make dinner last longer then just till 7:00 at night. That sucks. Last night I requested that they give us a new couch because the one we have now hurts my back. Besides I saw what the new couches looked like and they are pretty cool. They are bright blue, not just plan gray. Grey is so boring. I wonder what I will do tonight. I could stay home and do my homework and sleep,  maybe get to see what a good night's sleep feels like. But I will most likely go out and party like I always get suckered into. So the guy situation on campus. Not to bad. The one I’m dating now is a sweetie. But now that I’m dating him it is not as fun anymore. Why is that?  The fun part is the challenge of getting the guy but now that I have him I don't want to spend any time with him. I am such a bitch. God, my eyes can't handle looking at a computer screen too long. They get all dried out. We have a Nintendo at our room upstairs, and I sit there for hours and my eyes kill me. Well, not really for hours, just a little exaggeration. My roommates are pretty cool. I like them a lot. Sometimes I feel bad because I don't spend as much time with them as they do together so now they are closer to each other and I kinda feel left out. But I spent my time with my other friends. My best friend Athena who is just down the hall and whom I love so very much. I am so glad that she is here. I would hate it here if she weren't. When I fist got here I was kinda upset that she was on my floor because I wanted my space and my time away from her, but now I love it. It is a perfect set up. I can go and visit her anytime I want and she can come to my room if she likes but I don't feel like hanging with her than I don't have to. How come I can write forever and this screen just keeps scooting over, it makes my feel like I’m not writing that much. Last time I did this I only wrote one line. And the sad thing was I was sitting at the computer for about an hour. I just had people distracting me. I wonder how you check your e-mail. I wonder if Chris wrote me. Chris is such a great guy. I hope he comes down and visits sometime soon. I miss the boy. He is the one guy I regret not ever liking. I had my chance with him and broke his heart, but I guess that's the way life goes. I always go for the loser guys who treat me like shit. Maybe that's why I never like a guy after I finally know he likes me, he is too nice and treats me too well. Doesn't that suck. I thought that the psy. experiment in class was very entertaining. I hope that I do well in this class it is truly an interesting subject. But is seems like I won't be doing well in any of my classes. I don't concentrate enough. I came down here thinking that I was going to get a 4. 0, or at least close to that. But now my study habits have gotten so bad that I don't know what is going to happen to my. I think that I will change my ways and get back on track. I started out exercising every day too, but now I haven't ran in several days. The freshman 15 here I come. Ok that has been 20 min. Hope you had fun analyzing me! ",Emotions,Empathy
2000_550042.txt,"So, I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. I wonder what I'm supposed to write about. Thousands of ideas enter my mind, but one completely stands out. My roommate is again in a fight with her boyfriend. How can one person have so much anger trapped up inside of them? How can one person be so hurt and so hurtful to or from another. I know that I sometimes get in fights with my boyfriend. But they are nothing like this. I just don't really understand her sometimes. She complains that they don't talk enough, but when they are on the phone  they have absolutely nothing to talk about. What else is new, all she does is sit around in the room waiting for him to call all of the time. I go to class, come back, and there she sits still. I just can't do that. I mean, I'm dedicated and love my boyfriend, but not to the point of putting my own happiness and life on the line for one person. I don't think that I'm selfish, I feel like I have my priorities straighter. Except I happen to be the one without the degree plan that everyone else already has set up. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many opportunities out there, how do you know deadon what you would like to be? My interests change daytoday. One day I want to do this, then the next day it's this other thing. The only sure thing and deadmindset thing that I'm involved with is my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time, and I've never felt as strong about anyone as I feel about him. We make all these plans for our future together that I hope come true. But they are only things that I want right now. I would love to marry this guy, I've been settled down for over a year now, and I'm happy this way. We both adjusted our lives for each other. I just wish the time was here. But I can't help to think of that continuous thought in the back of my head, of what if. I am extremely superstitious. I believe that there is a reason why we met each other, and every event that has happened since, has. But maybe I don't always get what I want because I'm supposed to meet someone else while he is not around. I have never been happier in my life, and I am always afraid of change. This move down here to college shuck me up enough. Now things are finally getting settled and I'm meeting tons of people, but I don't know whether or not I should dedicate my time to what I am giving it to. I make time for everyone, but not always for everyone. I keep a lot of time to myself. I hate having to turn people down, but it seems as if I am always doing that. Tomorrow my friend invited me over for dinner, and that should be a lot of fun. We have kind of lost touch, and it should be good for us to get back into the swing of things. Well, I think that has been twenty minutes. I hope you enjoyed my ""interesting"" train of thought. ",Social Awareness: Social Engagement,"So, I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. I wonder what I'm supposed to write about. Thousands of ideas enter my mind, but one completely stands out. My roommate is again in a fight with her boyfriend. How can one person have so much anger trapped up inside of them? How can one person be so hurt and so hurtful to or from another. I know that I sometimes get in fights with my boyfriend. But they are nothing like this. I just don't really understand her sometimes. She complains that they don't talk enough, but when they are on the phone  they have absolutely nothing to talk about. What else is new, all she does is sit around in the room waiting for him to call all of the time. I go to class, come back, and there she sits still. I just can't do that. I mean, I'm dedicated and love my boyfriend, but not to the point of putting my own happiness and life on the line for one person. I don't think that I'm selfish, I feel like I have my priorities straighter. Except I happen to be the one without the degree plan that everyone else already has set up. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many opportunities out there, how do you know deadon what you would like to be? My interests change daytoday. One day I want to do this, then the next day it's this other thing. The only sure thing and deadmindset thing that I'm involved with is my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time, and I've never felt as strong about anyone as I feel about him. We make all these plans for our future together that I hope come true. But they are only things that I want right now. I would love to marry this guy, I've been settled down for over a year now, and I'm happy this way. We both adjusted our lives for each other. I just wish the time was here. But I can't help to think of that continuous thought in the back of my head, of what if. I am extremely superstitious. I believe that there is a reason why we met each other, and every event that has happened since, has. But maybe I don't always get what I want because I'm supposed to meet someone else while he is not around. I have never been happier in my life, and I am always afraid of change. This move down here to college shuck me up enough. Now things are finally getting settled and I'm meeting tons of people, but I don't know whether or not I should dedicate my time to what I am giving it to. I make time for everyone, but not always for everyone. I keep a lot of time to myself. I hate having to turn people down, but it seems as if I am always doing that. Tomorrow my friend invited me over for dinner, and that should be a lot of fun. We have kind of lost touch, and it should be good for us to get back into the swing of things. Well, I think that has been twenty minutes. I hope you enjoyed my ""interesting"" train of thought. ",Social Awareness,Social Engagement
2004_292.txt,"     hello professor, I'm doing your little writing assignment even though I have no clue what to write so Ill do what you said to do and wirte about anything that comes to my head. today I have to do a lot of study work, not much else to do b. C I lifted weights and played bball yesterday for bout 6 hours and now I'm in the UT cycling team and its pretty damn cool. I should excel in this sport because I know how to push my body harder than anyone I know, no matter what the test I always push my body harder than everyone else. I want to be the best no matter what the sport or event. I should also be good at this because I love to ride my bike and to do it as a sport? wow lots of fun. music. hmmm I like it a lot, I have lots of it in fact I have about 15 GB of music on this computer which is about 5,000 songs so I have a wide variety of music and that's good to have, its also good to have know a lot of things which is exactly what I do, I know lots of stuff that nobody else would know. I am extremely good at jeopardy and I usually have as much money as the winner and the funny part about it is, they have had college and lots of schooling, most of the contestants were graduate students and I have just begun college. by the way my classes are in no way difficult, I hope your class doesn't get hard because I have a a lot of calculus which isn't hard, just very time consuming. what to write, haha now that I ask an opportunity has presented itself, a girl that I know just said hi, got me some of that last weekend, I've known her all my life and she looks pretty good too, she goes to tarleton(redneck city) but its ok, its still good. I have a way with people, if I can talk to them for about 10 minutes I can get them to really like me and if I want to I can make them do almost anything(no alchohol has to be used). you can ask my best bud who goes to school here, he knows that I have a way with people and I do that's what's so cool about this. I have a great life ahead of me and I want to live it to the fullest and no matter what I say on here I can't stop typing so I will continue and the music is great by the way damn I've got to go home this weekend, everyone misses me too much although I don't miss any of them except this girl that I went out with for bout 2 years, lots of fun there, I love her yes I do and she loves me but since I left we broke up and now she's trapped with a druggie b. C if she dumps him he will either kill himself or me so she's very scared but I don't care, it will all work itself out in time I just hope it won't take forever. my calculus teacher is skin a real social reject, he has no body mass, he is skinnier than a toothpick and his clothes almost fall off of him its funny to look at that finish button is looking really good right now, as in extremley good, I wish I could click it right now but I can't b. C my 20 isn't finished yet so I will continue in my efforts to type and type continuously like you wanted, geez 20 minutes is a long time to just type and have nobody type back to you although I have writted letters that have taken me 3 hours to write and consisted of about 10 pages of paper, but I don't care, I don't care about much anyways, just my grades got to keep them up, I care about my family my future and the girl back home, I care about my frineds, I care about my physical health and looks that's why I love to be in shape but other than that, I don't care about much of anything, there is no reason to care and by the way I SUPPORT BUSH he is a good man and if the media didn't give him such a hard rap about things people would like him a lot more the only reason many people don't is because of the media, I even ask them why they don't like him and all they can say is just because, I reeally wisht tthat they would take the time to research things and see who the btter candidate for the president is which is obviously BUSH!!! anyways I don't really liek the music that is playing right now its not really that cool and has no good beat at all, music is a beautiful artform wchich I believe is the best ever but who cares? nobody. I am out to change the world and I will you will see  --Mad Hatter--out ",Thinking styles: Divergent Thinking,"     hello professor, I'm doing your little writing assignment even though I have no clue what to write so Ill do what you said to do and wirte about anything that comes to my head. today I have to do a lot of study work, not much else to do b. C I lifted weights and played bball yesterday for bout 6 hours and now I'm in the UT cycling team and its pretty damn cool. I should excel in this sport because I know how to push my body harder than anyone I know, no matter what the test I always push my body harder than everyone else. I want to be the best no matter what the sport or event. I should also be good at this because I love to ride my bike and to do it as a sport? wow lots of fun. music. hmmm I like it a lot, I have lots of it in fact I have about 15 GB of music on this computer which is about 5,000 songs so I have a wide variety of music and that's good to have, its also good to have know a lot of things which is exactly what I do, I know lots of stuff that nobody else would know. I am extremely good at jeopardy and I usually have as much money as the winner and the funny part about it is, they have had college and lots of schooling, most of the contestants were graduate students and I have just begun college. by the way my classes are in no way difficult, I hope your class doesn't get hard because I have a a lot of calculus which isn't hard, just very time consuming. what to write, haha now that I ask an opportunity has presented itself, a girl that I know just said hi, got me some of that last weekend, I've known her all my life and she looks pretty good too, she goes to tarleton(redneck city) but its ok, its still good. I have a way with people, if I can talk to them for about 10 minutes I can get them to really like me and if I want to I can make them do almost anything(no alchohol has to be used). you can ask my best bud who goes to school here, he knows that I have a way with people and I do that's what's so cool about this. I have a great life ahead of me and I want to live it to the fullest and no matter what I say on here I can't stop typing so I will continue and the music is great by the way damn I've got to go home this weekend, everyone misses me too much although I don't miss any of them except this girl that I went out with for bout 2 years, lots of fun there, I love her yes I do and she loves me but since I left we broke up and now she's trapped with a druggie b. C if she dumps him he will either kill himself or me so she's very scared but I don't care, it will all work itself out in time I just hope it won't take forever. my calculus teacher is skin a real social reject, he has no body mass, he is skinnier than a toothpick and his clothes almost fall off of him its funny to look at that finish button is looking really good right now, as in extremley good, I wish I could click it right now but I can't b. C my 20 isn't finished yet so I will continue in my efforts to type and type continuously like you wanted, geez 20 minutes is a long time to just type and have nobody type back to you although I have writted letters that have taken me 3 hours to write and consisted of about 10 pages of paper, but I don't care, I don't care about much anyways, just my grades got to keep them up, I care about my family my future and the girl back home, I care about my frineds, I care about my physical health and looks that's why I love to be in shape but other than that, I don't care about much of anything, there is no reason to care and by the way I SUPPORT BUSH he is a good man and if the media didn't give him such a hard rap about things people would like him a lot more the only reason many people don't is because of the media, I even ask them why they don't like him and all they can say is just because, I reeally wisht tthat they would take the time to research things and see who the btter candidate for the president is which is obviously BUSH!!! anyways I don't really liek the music that is playing right now its not really that cool and has no good beat at all, music is a beautiful artform wchich I believe is the best ever but who cares? nobody. I am out to change the world and I will you will see  --Mad Hatter--out ",Thinking styles,Divergent Thinking
2002_692908.txt,"     What to write about? I don't really know. Should I talk about my fears of not successeding in life. Of my fears of never finding the true some one. Or maybe about the sadness I feel when I think about my past four years in highschool. The friendships I made and my heart that got broken more than once. Or should I talk about my family. One of my little brothers that we have a connection that is so strong I miss him very much. Or maybe I should talk about the hopes of a good year. Or maybe I should just concentrate on my work here and forget about the emotional stuff, maybe that will help. I came here for a reason, to kae something out of myself and make alot of money because of it. I also came to prvoe and show off to people that I am some body. I don;'t really know what to say. My head keeps going back to the first person I let in my heart that ended up breaking it. Why I don't know I got over him but when you hear that he has a new girlfriend it just hurts. But then I think I must lose weight so when I go back I can make him regret it. But what do I care he is not even thinking about the future. I want to have a good job with alot of money, with a loving and faithful husband, and two great sons. I guess I want boys becasue I really never got along with any girls. Me and my sister really don't have that close of bond becasue she betrade my trust and I don't really know if we can ever have the same bond. However, I I do have a great connection with my cousin who is a sophmore in highschool she knows everything about, just like my mom. My mom knows everything about me too. People think that it is weird that I tell her everything, but I don't. I can't tell my father everything because he has this vision of me that I never ever want to disappoint him. He sees me as this smart girl who can do anything. I don't see it. I believe that I can make anything out of myself, but I don't know if I can actually do it. Is it going to be to hard? I really can't tell. My dad says he will love me even if I don't make it but he says it is nonsense to think that I won't I have to prove this to myself and family and my so called friends that I left behind. None of them have really kept that much in touch only like 2 or three. Am I being selfish to think that my friends can't even email me. But I am glad I left. Most of my friend were under class men in highschool becuase  the senior   friends   that I had were never really my friends I just hanged out with them once in a while and when ever i did I felt like such an outcast. I sometimes feel like that once in a while. But I guess everyone feels out of place once in their life. I think I just have to let go of my past and MOVE on. I have to start my life here make new friends. I haven't even made one yet. I have to break out of my quiet shell and just take the risk and try to meet people. This is my time to live on my own on my rules, I justgot to wake up and do it. I have to focus on all my goals and then just do it and after I do this I should look at the end of the tunnel and see my future the things I am destined to do. Hopefully they will be great and my life will have happiness and success. Now if my roomate will stop talking to me i could write more. Mut time is ending and I must leave now. ",Emotions: Fear,"     What to write about? I don't really know. Should I talk about my fears of not successeding in life. Of my fears of never finding the true some one. Or maybe about the sadness I feel when I think about my past four years in highschool. The friendships I made and my heart that got broken more than once. Or should I talk about my family. One of my little brothers that we have a connection that is so strong I miss him very much. Or maybe I should talk about the hopes of a good year. Or maybe I should just concentrate on my work here and forget about the emotional stuff, maybe that will help. I came here for a reason, to kae something out of myself and make alot of money because of it. I also came to prvoe and show off to people that I am some body. I don;'t really know what to say. My head keeps going back to the first person I let in my heart that ended up breaking it. Why I don't know I got over him but when you hear that he has a new girlfriend it just hurts. But then I think I must lose weight so when I go back I can make him regret it. But what do I care he is not even thinking about the future. I want to have a good job with alot of money, with a loving and faithful husband, and two great sons. I guess I want boys becasue I really never got along with any girls. Me and my sister really don't have that close of bond becasue she betrade my trust and I don't really know if we can ever have the same bond. However, I I do have a great connection with my cousin who is a sophmore in highschool she knows everything about, just like my mom. My mom knows everything about me too. People think that it is weird that I tell her everything, but I don't. I can't tell my father everything because he has this vision of me that I never ever want to disappoint him. He sees me as this smart girl who can do anything. I don't see it. I believe that I can make anything out of myself, but I don't know if I can actually do it. Is it going to be to hard? I really can't tell. My dad says he will love me even if I don't make it but he says it is nonsense to think that I won't I have to prove this to myself and family and my so called friends that I left behind. None of them have really kept that much in touch only like 2 or three. Am I being selfish to think that my friends can't even email me. But I am glad I left. Most of my friend were under class men in highschool becuase  the senior   friends   that I had were never really my friends I just hanged out with them once in a while and when ever i did I felt like such an outcast. I sometimes feel like that once in a while. But I guess everyone feels out of place once in their life. I think I just have to let go of my past and MOVE on. I have to start my life here make new friends. I haven't even made one yet. I have to break out of my quiet shell and just take the risk and try to meet people. This is my time to live on my own on my rules, I justgot to wake up and do it. I have to focus on all my goals and then just do it and after I do this I should look at the end of the tunnel and see my future the things I am destined to do. Hopefully they will be great and my life will have happiness and success. Now if my roomate will stop talking to me i could write more. Mut time is ending and I must leave now. ",Emotions,Fear
1999_876535.txt,"ok so now I'm writing I'm doing this so I can just juno into the assignment its not very interesting so far and my tyoing is slower than my thinking and I had a completely different thought while I was typing that lst sentence ok now wehat I'm still typing I could talk about myself but it would sound kind of lame. my guitar is out of tune and its missing a locking nut and the pickup selector switch is missing its little decorative cover, I could buy new parts but its kind of depressing right now because I don't have any money and it makes me want to give up guitar even more we played a show last night and screwed up a little more than usual but this guy in the band before us that was pretty good but all the same kind of music pop punk was trying to intimidate me by staring at me it didnt work then but its working now the bass player said we were good but I thiought we were terrible there was no harmony the bass and guitar were out of tune anbd the drummer was playing to a different tune is what it seemed like. the vocals werent so good either. we had to cut ourset by nore than hald wich is especially bad for us sinc we have 14 songs and they are all very distinct, not all pop punk or punk ska but some rockabilly and some primus ounding metal stuff a little emo too. I  forget what else oh yeah like old school punk with the snotty vocals well. anyways my dad got mad because I was supposed to help some guy move and I bailed halfway through to go play the show, playing live is like a drug, this time it wasnt so grreat, but weve playeed about 12 or 13 shows and some have been awesome, the crowd going insane because of us were aboutt o lose it any second just trying to hold on to our instruments long enbough to make the next note come out barely even able to keep our feet on the ground. anyways thats all over now because I have to get a job and go to college and theres no time for it ill find other ways to make myself feel good but that was a grweat one and I know my bandmates are depressed about it too. anyways my dad was mad because I did that and left even though I got the 40 bucks and so he's really mad and I don't even feel at home hre, at home asnd I don't feel completely at home in my dorm so I'm restless and it sucks. anyways so thats the whole of that messs and I'm just ttyping now because that whole thing was like one big brain sigh and now I'm breathing normal again. stop. nothing to say. maybe the brain works like that spasms of thought and then kind of a rest. I guess mr pennebaker would know, anyways I smell cinnamon buns and so I'm going to go downstairs for some brakfast and tension and so the food is going to tase bitter, I sort of awant to fgo back to my dorm but I don't really have any friends there yet. oh yeah I was going to go well that was about 20 min stop. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"ok so now I'm writing I'm doing this so I can just juno into the assignment its not very interesting so far and my tyoing is slower than my thinking and I had a completely different thought while I was typing that lst sentence ok now wehat I'm still typing I could talk about myself but it would sound kind of lame. my guitar is out of tune and its missing a locking nut and the pickup selector switch is missing its little decorative cover, I could buy new parts but its kind of depressing right now because I don't have any money and it makes me want to give up guitar even more we played a show last night and screwed up a little more than usual but this guy in the band before us that was pretty good but all the same kind of music pop punk was trying to intimidate me by staring at me it didnt work then but its working now the bass player said we were good but I thiought we were terrible there was no harmony the bass and guitar were out of tune anbd the drummer was playing to a different tune is what it seemed like. the vocals werent so good either. we had to cut ourset by nore than hald wich is especially bad for us sinc we have 14 songs and they are all very distinct, not all pop punk or punk ska but some rockabilly and some primus ounding metal stuff a little emo too. I  forget what else oh yeah like old school punk with the snotty vocals well. anyways my dad got mad because I was supposed to help some guy move and I bailed halfway through to go play the show, playing live is like a drug, this time it wasnt so grreat, but weve playeed about 12 or 13 shows and some have been awesome, the crowd going insane because of us were aboutt o lose it any second just trying to hold on to our instruments long enbough to make the next note come out barely even able to keep our feet on the ground. anyways thats all over now because I have to get a job and go to college and theres no time for it ill find other ways to make myself feel good but that was a grweat one and I know my bandmates are depressed about it too. anyways my dad was mad because I did that and left even though I got the 40 bucks and so he's really mad and I don't even feel at home hre, at home asnd I don't feel completely at home in my dorm so I'm restless and it sucks. anyways so thats the whole of that messs and I'm just ttyping now because that whole thing was like one big brain sigh and now I'm breathing normal again. stop. nothing to say. maybe the brain works like that spasms of thought and then kind of a rest. I guess mr pennebaker would know, anyways I smell cinnamon buns and so I'm going to go downstairs for some brakfast and tension and so the food is going to tase bitter, I sort of awant to fgo back to my dorm but I don't really have any friends there yet. oh yeah I was going to go well that was about 20 min stop. ",Emotions,Anxiety
2000_713951.txt,"I feel strange because I'm in a world of completely new things. I tell myself that is all the same from any other people or situation, and it is in a way because if I always look at myself from an aerial view I will only see myself as one of the others, that we are all masses of tissue. But this is difficult because I know that I am myself, in a sense, and that really, everything will happen to me and the only way I can interpret the stimuli is by the way it comes to me, pertains to me. I don't want to be selfish, in the other respect of that word, but by thinking about myself I know that I therefore am selfish. I was depressed for a few days because I did not want to let go of another person. It was so much bullshit that I just finally sat on the roof and sorted everything out, looking at the stars. I came to the conclusion that I didn't need that right now, and that I was only cheating myself by believing this. It is strange because I have such problems with that. I realized recently that I have not reached the belonging. stage of life. Or maybe I reached it by not even trying, when I was very small, but I think ever since school started in kindergarten, as far as I can remember school wise, so maybe I have recessed back under that level of substantial importance. I'm having trouble being myself because I know that I don't even know myself. I do in a sense, but I sometimes think that it is just what I want to tell myself I'm like, and that I try to make myself the person that I think other people will like to see. Then I think that has everything to do with the belonging. factor. I am ultimately working towards self actualization. But I'm trying to be realistic in thinking that it won't be until I'm older like in my thirties. But it doesn't have to be that way. I don't want to feel like I can't do something, but I think how young I am and I think that I'm still just a little kid, and that I will have to work on this a lot more. I don't want to accept myself so I don't let others accept me. Its so hard, and winding. but now I know what I have to do, I have to find what it is that will make me chill out and respect myself and others. This is the key to passing the belonging stage of the cycle towards self actualization. I just need to stop worrying about shit like this and just be happy. And now I know what I have to do. ",Emotions: Introversion,"I feel strange because I'm in a world of completely new things. I tell myself that is all the same from any other people or situation, and it is in a way because if I always look at myself from an aerial view I will only see myself as one of the others, that we are all masses of tissue. But this is difficult because I know that I am myself, in a sense, and that really, everything will happen to me and the only way I can interpret the stimuli is by the way it comes to me, pertains to me. I don't want to be selfish, in the other respect of that word, but by thinking about myself I know that I therefore am selfish. I was depressed for a few days because I did not want to let go of another person. It was so much bullshit that I just finally sat on the roof and sorted everything out, looking at the stars. I came to the conclusion that I didn't need that right now, and that I was only cheating myself by believing this. It is strange because I have such problems with that. I realized recently that I have not reached the belonging. stage of life. Or maybe I reached it by not even trying, when I was very small, but I think ever since school started in kindergarten, as far as I can remember school wise, so maybe I have recessed back under that level of substantial importance. I'm having trouble being myself because I know that I don't even know myself. I do in a sense, but I sometimes think that it is just what I want to tell myself I'm like, and that I try to make myself the person that I think other people will like to see. Then I think that has everything to do with the belonging. factor. I am ultimately working towards self actualization. But I'm trying to be realistic in thinking that it won't be until I'm older like in my thirties. But it doesn't have to be that way. I don't want to feel like I can't do something, but I think how young I am and I think that I'm still just a little kid, and that I will have to work on this a lot more. I don't want to accept myself so I don't let others accept me. Its so hard, and winding. but now I know what I have to do, I have to find what it is that will make me chill out and respect myself and others. This is the key to passing the belonging stage of the cycle towards self actualization. I just need to stop worrying about shit like this and just be happy. And now I know what I have to do. ",Emotions,Introversion
2000_710213.txt,"What does the drug ecstasy do to the brain? I have been very curious about this for some time now. Maybe you could tell us what studies have concluded about this drug. The reason why I am so curious is because many of my friends have recently discovered and become enchanted with it. In fact, in about the middle of the second semester of my senior year in high school, it became almost like an ecstasy epidemic! Several of my friends have done it up to 11 or 12 times already! I haven't tried it since I refuse to do drugs but I'm really interested to find out what its long term effects are and why it produces the reaction that it does. Apparently, when on ecstasy, it feels as if nothing can go wrong and everything is perfect. Music is everything and once listening, someone who is rolling (the term used to define the feeling one gets after taking X) can't pull away. Also, they say they feel as if they have ""lungs of steel"" in that they are constantly smoking cigarettes and feel as if they can't stop. Oh, and the mouth chewing. Why does that happen? Their mouths jitter while they're rolling and after the drug wears off, their mouths hurt or feel sore. That's why you can tell when someone is rolling at a party. Well, first of all they're sweating profusely and also they're chewing lots and lots of gum! Its crazy actually. I went to a rave with my friends last Saturday. It was at Austin Music Hall. At least 70% of the people attending the rave was rolling on X. Well, essentially, that's what rave's are for. Its a closed space with djs who spin techno and trance music for a huge group of people, the majority of whom is Xing like crazy! Anyway, my friends had a blast there. of course they were rolling. I had fun too, but not nearly as much I imagine! In fact, it was 3:30 in the morning, we had been dancing for at least 4 hours straight, and one of my friends refused to leave because he was rolling so hard and not remotely tired. Doesn't this sound crazy? What does the drug do to people? Have any severe, longlasting consequences been discovered for sure. I've been told several theories, some of which include the brain bleeding, there being permanent damage on the spine, memory loss, and brain cells being killed. Sounds like some dangerous stuff these people are playing around with. If it weren't an illegal drug, I'd definitely try it (provided it didn't totally screw me up in the future!) considering how wonderful everyone tells me it is. And not just word of mouth. I've seen people on it countless times. They look as if they could die happy right then and there! I don't know if you're planning on discussing anything like this in class but I'm really interested in finding out more about X. Just out of curiosity! Well, I think I'd like to talk about something remotely related. One of the guys whom I'm talking about, in fact, he's in this class with me, is named J. I went to high school with him but we were never friends. We hung out at the same parties with the same group of people generally, but we barely even talked to each other. Well he and his friend are living at Towers together and since we're all down here together we've been hanging out a lot. A whole lot, in fact. And I wasn't really planning on anything happening between us but the night of the rave, a lot of people stayed the night at their place, including me, and we kind of ""hooked up. "" Now, ever since then, we've kind of been messing around well, nothing much. The thing is, we haven't mentioned it to each other at all. We keep doing it but don't discuss it. So I'm not sure what the deal is. I think I like him. well, actually, yes I do like him. The problem is. does he like me? I can't tell either way. I mean, he's a guy so just the fact that he keeps fooling around with me doesn't mean much. He could hate my guts for all I know and still be doing what he's doing just to get some! That would really suck. And I don't want to ask him because, well for one, I wouldn't know what to say. And for two, I'm scared of the answer. That would just be awful if I spill my guts and he totally cops out. And what's worse is if that happens, not only are we in this class together, but we have to go to the same school for the next four years! What should I do? I don't know. I hope something happens soon that'll figure this out for me well, something GOOD that is! I've written a lot more than twenty minutes so I should probably go now. I guess this wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Whew! ",Emotions: Uncertainty,"What does the drug ecstasy do to the brain? I have been very curious about this for some time now. Maybe you could tell us what studies have concluded about this drug. The reason why I am so curious is because many of my friends have recently discovered and become enchanted with it. In fact, in about the middle of the second semester of my senior year in high school, it became almost like an ecstasy epidemic! Several of my friends have done it up to 11 or 12 times already! I haven't tried it since I refuse to do drugs but I'm really interested to find out what its long term effects are and why it produces the reaction that it does. Apparently, when on ecstasy, it feels as if nothing can go wrong and everything is perfect. Music is everything and once listening, someone who is rolling (the term used to define the feeling one gets after taking X) can't pull away. Also, they say they feel as if they have ""lungs of steel"" in that they are constantly smoking cigarettes and feel as if they can't stop. Oh, and the mouth chewing. Why does that happen? Their mouths jitter while they're rolling and after the drug wears off, their mouths hurt or feel sore. That's why you can tell when someone is rolling at a party. Well, first of all they're sweating profusely and also they're chewing lots and lots of gum! Its crazy actually. I went to a rave with my friends last Saturday. It was at Austin Music Hall. At least 70% of the people attending the rave was rolling on X. Well, essentially, that's what rave's are for. Its a closed space with djs who spin techno and trance music for a huge group of people, the majority of whom is Xing like crazy! Anyway, my friends had a blast there. of course they were rolling. I had fun too, but not nearly as much I imagine! In fact, it was 3:30 in the morning, we had been dancing for at least 4 hours straight, and one of my friends refused to leave because he was rolling so hard and not remotely tired. Doesn't this sound crazy? What does the drug do to people? Have any severe, longlasting consequences been discovered for sure. I've been told several theories, some of which include the brain bleeding, there being permanent damage on the spine, memory loss, and brain cells being killed. Sounds like some dangerous stuff these people are playing around with. If it weren't an illegal drug, I'd definitely try it (provided it didn't totally screw me up in the future!) considering how wonderful everyone tells me it is. And not just word of mouth. I've seen people on it countless times. They look as if they could die happy right then and there! I don't know if you're planning on discussing anything like this in class but I'm really interested in finding out more about X. Just out of curiosity! Well, I think I'd like to talk about something remotely related. One of the guys whom I'm talking about, in fact, he's in this class with me, is named J. I went to high school with him but we were never friends. We hung out at the same parties with the same group of people generally, but we barely even talked to each other. Well he and his friend are living at Towers together and since we're all down here together we've been hanging out a lot. A whole lot, in fact. And I wasn't really planning on anything happening between us but the night of the rave, a lot of people stayed the night at their place, including me, and we kind of ""hooked up. "" Now, ever since then, we've kind of been messing around well, nothing much. The thing is, we haven't mentioned it to each other at all. We keep doing it but don't discuss it. So I'm not sure what the deal is. I think I like him. well, actually, yes I do like him. The problem is. does he like me? I can't tell either way. I mean, he's a guy so just the fact that he keeps fooling around with me doesn't mean much. He could hate my guts for all I know and still be doing what he's doing just to get some! That would really suck. And I don't want to ask him because, well for one, I wouldn't know what to say. And for two, I'm scared of the answer. That would just be awful if I spill my guts and he totally cops out. And what's worse is if that happens, not only are we in this class together, but we have to go to the same school for the next four years! What should I do? I don't know. I hope something happens soon that'll figure this out for me well, something GOOD that is! I've written a lot more than twenty minutes so I should probably go now. I guess this wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Whew! ",Emotions,Uncertainty
2004_142.txt,"Wow, I have some pizza stuck in my tooth. Aw, why did that song have to end, it was good. the AC is really loud. Man, I like shrek 2. tonight, I'm breaking the habit tonight, I like Kelly Clarkson, she's so talented. man, I'm so bad at spelling. I haven't heard this, oh, yeah, it's by clay aiken, or maybe it isn't. Oh well. Ozarka Natural Spring. It was probably from Fort Worth, I'm from Denton about thirty miles north of Dallas. I saw Jenny a couple days ago. She's got curly hair. Movie Night, um I don't know. I'm supposed to by typing what I am thinking. I'm talking with Victoria my roommate. She is wearing a hat. I have a hat just like it. It's in my closet on top on a shelf. Victoria is leaving now. I shall say bye to her. Ok, now that that is over. I am going out to lunch with this girl from Christians on Campus. Sounds like it would be fun. Her name is Joselyn and she just graduated, I think from this college in Boston but she is here for just the semester. Only 4 minutes have gone by. Wow, this is taking forever. I have chemistry oops, mistake. I don't like commercials on the radio, why couldn't they just play music commercial free. My folder is blue. I finished all my psychology reading (all of chapter three). I learned way too much info on the nervous system. It is going to take forever to study for the test. I'm glad there is a lot of info in the chapter though, because I'm going to med school and will need that info. I keep making typos probably because I'm typing too fast. Oh, I have ice-cream in the freezer. Mmmm. It is a blue bell ice cream sandwich. I like Wendy's. Ah, yay, another commercial free hour of music. YAY. I like Avril Lavigne. My Happy Ending is a good song. Everyone criticizes her for not being ""punk enough. ""  I laugh at how much time people spend criticizing artists. They should just appreciate the music. I think by saying that I was being a hypocrite because I was criticizing the people who criticize. Does admitting that you are a hypocrite make you a hypocrite. Deep, huh?  I'm wearing contacts. I like my sunglasses. They are on top of my head because it is pointless to wear contacts indoors. Wow, I am only have way done. Hey, maybe that means I'm optimistic. I am such a bad speller. I spend way to much time thinking about school. I'm such a nerd. Everyone else goes out and parties and I stay in the dorm and study for hours and hours. But I do tend to watch a lot of TV, wait, I haven't been watching much TV during this past week at UT. Only about 1 hour per day. I'm so proud of myself. I can't believe that I haven't procrastinated this assignment. I don't like this trend of girls wearing too short skirts. I guess I'm just too conservative and wear long jeans or caprice. I bought new caprice. My mom just washed them. I went to the B. E. S. T. thing sponsored by the business school. It was so much fun. We went to the lake. Hello, Jenny wrote me a note. My printer is off. I can't think of anything else to write about. I was valedictorian, I was nervous when I said my speech. YAY for 5. 0 GPA. For having such a high GPA, you would think that I wouldn't be so scatterbrained. I think it is just because it will take me a little while to get used to the whole college experience thing. I have to sign up to do that psychology experiment. I want to do the prescreening. Victoria says that it takes two hours. I want to get it over with and not procrastinate. I have that awful habit and am trying to get rid of it. I like this song, and that song, well, maybe not. I want to go so sleep. I went to sleep early last night 9:30. Oh, this is that singer Chad Kroger (I am such a bad speller). I liked Spiderman 2. I have always been a fan of stuff like that: Spiderman, Batman, Superman, etc. I like Smallville on the WB. It is a good show. What else. I can't think of anything else. Ok, I have about 3 and a half minutes left. What else should I do. I have chemistry in an hour but I should leave in 1/2 an hour because I want to get a good seat in class. I'm so blind, even with my contacts. I don't want to sit in the very front row because then I will strain my neck having to look straight up at the Professor. I have Professor Laude. He is very funny. I went to a discussion session at 11. Wait, it was at 10 and ended at 11AM. I think is was fairly productive. I'm a business major. Did I mention that. I'm also pre-med. I want to be an pediatric ophthalmologist. That is just a fancy term for a kid eye doctor. It will be able to be cool to say that though. My mom was a doctor. My dad has a PhD, so he is in a sense a doctor. He is asst. Dean of the Business School at UNT. I like this song. It is by Maroon 5. Nigel, my older brother, he is 23, I think, likes this song. He has this CD and will never let me borrow it. He called me last night and was  ",Emotions: Appreciation,"Wow, I have some pizza stuck in my tooth. Aw, why did that song have to end, it was good. the AC is really loud. Man, I like shrek 2. tonight, I'm breaking the habit tonight, I like Kelly Clarkson, she's so talented. man, I'm so bad at spelling. I haven't heard this, oh, yeah, it's by clay aiken, or maybe it isn't. Oh well. Ozarka Natural Spring. It was probably from Fort Worth, I'm from Denton about thirty miles north of Dallas. I saw Jenny a couple days ago. She's got curly hair. Movie Night, um I don't know. I'm supposed to by typing what I am thinking. I'm talking with Victoria my roommate. She is wearing a hat. I have a hat just like it. It's in my closet on top on a shelf. Victoria is leaving now. I shall say bye to her. Ok, now that that is over. I am going out to lunch with this girl from Christians on Campus. Sounds like it would be fun. Her name is Joselyn and she just graduated, I think from this college in Boston but she is here for just the semester. Only 4 minutes have gone by. Wow, this is taking forever. I have chemistry oops, mistake. I don't like commercials on the radio, why couldn't they just play music commercial free. My folder is blue. I finished all my psychology reading (all of chapter three). I learned way too much info on the nervous system. It is going to take forever to study for the test. I'm glad there is a lot of info in the chapter though, because I'm going to med school and will need that info. I keep making typos probably because I'm typing too fast. Oh, I have ice-cream in the freezer. Mmmm. It is a blue bell ice cream sandwich. I like Wendy's. Ah, yay, another commercial free hour of music. YAY. I like Avril Lavigne. My Happy Ending is a good song. Everyone criticizes her for not being ""punk enough. ""  I laugh at how much time people spend criticizing artists. They should just appreciate the music. I think by saying that I was being a hypocrite because I was criticizing the people who criticize. Does admitting that you are a hypocrite make you a hypocrite. Deep, huh?  I'm wearing contacts. I like my sunglasses. They are on top of my head because it is pointless to wear contacts indoors. Wow, I am only have way done. Hey, maybe that means I'm optimistic. I am such a bad speller. I spend way to much time thinking about school. I'm such a nerd. Everyone else goes out and parties and I stay in the dorm and study for hours and hours. But I do tend to watch a lot of TV, wait, I haven't been watching much TV during this past week at UT. Only about 1 hour per day. I'm so proud of myself. I can't believe that I haven't procrastinated this assignment. I don't like this trend of girls wearing too short skirts. I guess I'm just too conservative and wear long jeans or caprice. I bought new caprice. My mom just washed them. I went to the B. E. S. T. thing sponsored by the business school. It was so much fun. We went to the lake. Hello, Jenny wrote me a note. My printer is off. I can't think of anything else to write about. I was valedictorian, I was nervous when I said my speech. YAY for 5. 0 GPA. For having such a high GPA, you would think that I wouldn't be so scatterbrained. I think it is just because it will take me a little while to get used to the whole college experience thing. I have to sign up to do that psychology experiment. I want to do the prescreening. Victoria says that it takes two hours. I want to get it over with and not procrastinate. I have that awful habit and am trying to get rid of it. I like this song, and that song, well, maybe not. I want to go so sleep. I went to sleep early last night 9:30. Oh, this is that singer Chad Kroger (I am such a bad speller). I liked Spiderman 2. I have always been a fan of stuff like that: Spiderman, Batman, Superman, etc. I like Smallville on the WB. It is a good show. What else. I can't think of anything else. Ok, I have about 3 and a half minutes left. What else should I do. I have chemistry in an hour but I should leave in 1/2 an hour because I want to get a good seat in class. I'm so blind, even with my contacts. I don't want to sit in the very front row because then I will strain my neck having to look straight up at the Professor. I have Professor Laude. He is very funny. I went to a discussion session at 11. Wait, it was at 10 and ended at 11AM. I think is was fairly productive. I'm a business major. Did I mention that. I'm also pre-med. I want to be an pediatric ophthalmologist. That is just a fancy term for a kid eye doctor. It will be able to be cool to say that though. My mom was a doctor. My dad has a PhD, so he is in a sense a doctor. He is asst. Dean of the Business School at UNT. I like this song. It is by Maroon 5. Nigel, my older brother, he is 23, I think, likes this song. He has this CD and will never let me borrow it. He called me last night and was  ",Emotions,Appreciation
1998_770914.txt,"I live in Amarillo and I can't exactly drive home to see them. I envy the people in my dorm who only live a few hours away from home. They can visit their friends and family on every weekend or weekday for that matter. I feel a little guilty because I miss my friends more than I miss my family. Maybe that is because I had a better relationship with my friends than I did with my family. this is probably because I spent a lot more time with my friends during the past few years. It seemed I felt empty if I didn't see my friends for a day, but I could go weeks without seeing my family and I'd feel just fine. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, and I do feel slightly homesick, but I have a stronger relationship withe my friends. Whenever I spent ""quality time"" with my folks, all we would do would sit on the couch in the living room and watch Seinfeld; we would never talk, but it really wasn't their fault. Whenever I would feel like talking about something important that was on my mind, they wouldn't have a problem with it, but I would feel awkward. It has always been that way, so it's not some kind of ""teenager"" thing that just kind of happened during my rebellious years. My parents are the greatest, and so are my three brothers. I have one older brother that is about to turn 20, so the age difference is pretty narrow. We used to do things all the time when we were younger, but now we hardly talk at all. I also have two younger brothers, 8 and 14 who are also great, but they're not so easy to talk to. My brother, Kyle, who is 14, has a lot of problems I think. He doesn't have any friends and he always just stays home and watches tv and plays video games. When I ask him how his day was, he just says fine, and thats all the conversation really consists of. I couldn't really talk to him because I felt so sorry for him. I also worry about my mom because she loses sleep trying to find ways to help him. My youngest brother, on the other hand, has plenty of energy and self-confidence and a lot of friends. I think he'll be one of the ""popular guys"" in school, and I feel bad when my little 8 year old brother can outdo my 14 year old brother Kyle. I also try to think up ways to raise Kyle's self confidence, but I'm really not much of a help. I find myself making fun of him unconciosly just like many big brothers all do, but I really feel bad about it. I sometimes know how he feels because in junior high I didn't always have five or ten friends to hang out and talk with, and I sometimes found myself at home on the weekends feeling like a loser, but I eventually found my place and my friends in high school, and I hope that's what he does when he goes to high school next year. He is old for his grade because he was held back in the first grade, and he has some kind of a learning problem and when I try to help hime with his school work he gets embarrassed and won't let me. I just really hopes he finds his place in high school or if not, in college, like many people do. so, maybe I should spend more time with my family when I get home in a few monthes instead of with my friends ",Emotions: Guilt,"I live in Amarillo and I can't exactly drive home to see them. I envy the people in my dorm who only live a few hours away from home. They can visit their friends and family on every weekend or weekday for that matter. I feel a little guilty because I miss my friends more than I miss my family. Maybe that is because I had a better relationship with my friends than I did with my family. this is probably because I spent a lot more time with my friends during the past few years. It seemed I felt empty if I didn't see my friends for a day, but I could go weeks without seeing my family and I'd feel just fine. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, and I do feel slightly homesick, but I have a stronger relationship withe my friends. Whenever I spent ""quality time"" with my folks, all we would do would sit on the couch in the living room and watch Seinfeld; we would never talk, but it really wasn't their fault. Whenever I would feel like talking about something important that was on my mind, they wouldn't have a problem with it, but I would feel awkward. It has always been that way, so it's not some kind of ""teenager"" thing that just kind of happened during my rebellious years. My parents are the greatest, and so are my three brothers. I have one older brother that is about to turn 20, so the age difference is pretty narrow. We used to do things all the time when we were younger, but now we hardly talk at all. I also have two younger brothers, 8 and 14 who are also great, but they're not so easy to talk to. My brother, Kyle, who is 14, has a lot of problems I think. He doesn't have any friends and he always just stays home and watches tv and plays video games. When I ask him how his day was, he just says fine, and thats all the conversation really consists of. I couldn't really talk to him because I felt so sorry for him. I also worry about my mom because she loses sleep trying to find ways to help him. My youngest brother, on the other hand, has plenty of energy and self-confidence and a lot of friends. I think he'll be one of the ""popular guys"" in school, and I feel bad when my little 8 year old brother can outdo my 14 year old brother Kyle. I also try to think up ways to raise Kyle's self confidence, but I'm really not much of a help. I find myself making fun of him unconciosly just like many big brothers all do, but I really feel bad about it. I sometimes know how he feels because in junior high I didn't always have five or ten friends to hang out and talk with, and I sometimes found myself at home on the weekends feeling like a loser, but I eventually found my place and my friends in high school, and I hope that's what he does when he goes to high school next year. He is old for his grade because he was held back in the first grade, and he has some kind of a learning problem and when I try to help hime with his school work he gets embarrassed and won't let me. I just really hopes he finds his place in high school or if not, in college, like many people do. so, maybe I should spend more time with my family when I get home in a few monthes instead of with my friends ",Emotions,Guilt
2004_292.txt,"     hello professor, I'm doing your little writing assignment even though I have no clue what to write so Ill do what you said to do and wirte about anything that comes to my head. today I have to do a lot of study work, not much else to do b. C I lifted weights and played bball yesterday for bout 6 hours and now I'm in the UT cycling team and its pretty damn cool. I should excel in this sport because I know how to push my body harder than anyone I know, no matter what the test I always push my body harder than everyone else. I want to be the best no matter what the sport or event. I should also be good at this because I love to ride my bike and to do it as a sport? wow lots of fun. music. hmmm I like it a lot, I have lots of it in fact I have about 15 GB of music on this computer which is about 5,000 songs so I have a wide variety of music and that's good to have, its also good to have know a lot of things which is exactly what I do, I know lots of stuff that nobody else would know. I am extremely good at jeopardy and I usually have as much money as the winner and the funny part about it is, they have had college and lots of schooling, most of the contestants were graduate students and I have just begun college. by the way my classes are in no way difficult, I hope your class doesn't get hard because I have a a lot of calculus which isn't hard, just very time consuming. what to write, haha now that I ask an opportunity has presented itself, a girl that I know just said hi, got me some of that last weekend, I've known her all my life and she looks pretty good too, she goes to tarleton(redneck city) but its ok, its still good. I have a way with people, if I can talk to them for about 10 minutes I can get them to really like me and if I want to I can make them do almost anything(no alchohol has to be used). you can ask my best bud who goes to school here, he knows that I have a way with people and I do that's what's so cool about this. I have a great life ahead of me and I want to live it to the fullest and no matter what I say on here I can't stop typing so I will continue and the music is great by the way damn I've got to go home this weekend, everyone misses me too much although I don't miss any of them except this girl that I went out with for bout 2 years, lots of fun there, I love her yes I do and she loves me but since I left we broke up and now she's trapped with a druggie b. C if she dumps him he will either kill himself or me so she's very scared but I don't care, it will all work itself out in time I just hope it won't take forever. my calculus teacher is skin a real social reject, he has no body mass, he is skinnier than a toothpick and his clothes almost fall off of him its funny to look at that finish button is looking really good right now, as in extremley good, I wish I could click it right now but I can't b. C my 20 isn't finished yet so I will continue in my efforts to type and type continuously like you wanted, geez 20 minutes is a long time to just type and have nobody type back to you although I have writted letters that have taken me 3 hours to write and consisted of about 10 pages of paper, but I don't care, I don't care about much anyways, just my grades got to keep them up, I care about my family my future and the girl back home, I care about my frineds, I care about my physical health and looks that's why I love to be in shape but other than that, I don't care about much of anything, there is no reason to care and by the way I SUPPORT BUSH he is a good man and if the media didn't give him such a hard rap about things people would like him a lot more the only reason many people don't is because of the media, I even ask them why they don't like him and all they can say is just because, I reeally wisht tthat they would take the time to research things and see who the btter candidate for the president is which is obviously BUSH!!! anyways I don't really liek the music that is playing right now its not really that cool and has no good beat at all, music is a beautiful artform wchich I believe is the best ever but who cares? nobody. I am out to change the world and I will you will see  --Mad Hatter--out ",Thinking styles: Organized Thinking,"     hello professor, I'm doing your little writing assignment even though I have no clue what to write so Ill do what you said to do and wirte about anything that comes to my head. today I have to do a lot of study work, not much else to do b. C I lifted weights and played bball yesterday for bout 6 hours and now I'm in the UT cycling team and its pretty damn cool. I should excel in this sport because I know how to push my body harder than anyone I know, no matter what the test I always push my body harder than everyone else. I want to be the best no matter what the sport or event. I should also be good at this because I love to ride my bike and to do it as a sport? wow lots of fun. music. hmmm I like it a lot, I have lots of it in fact I have about 15 GB of music on this computer which is about 5,000 songs so I have a wide variety of music and that's good to have, its also good to have know a lot of things which is exactly what I do, I know lots of stuff that nobody else would know. I am extremely good at jeopardy and I usually have as much money as the winner and the funny part about it is, they have had college and lots of schooling, most of the contestants were graduate students and I have just begun college. by the way my classes are in no way difficult, I hope your class doesn't get hard because I have a a lot of calculus which isn't hard, just very time consuming. what to write, haha now that I ask an opportunity has presented itself, a girl that I know just said hi, got me some of that last weekend, I've known her all my life and she looks pretty good too, she goes to tarleton(redneck city) but its ok, its still good. I have a way with people, if I can talk to them for about 10 minutes I can get them to really like me and if I want to I can make them do almost anything(no alchohol has to be used). you can ask my best bud who goes to school here, he knows that I have a way with people and I do that's what's so cool about this. I have a great life ahead of me and I want to live it to the fullest and no matter what I say on here I can't stop typing so I will continue and the music is great by the way damn I've got to go home this weekend, everyone misses me too much although I don't miss any of them except this girl that I went out with for bout 2 years, lots of fun there, I love her yes I do and she loves me but since I left we broke up and now she's trapped with a druggie b. C if she dumps him he will either kill himself or me so she's very scared but I don't care, it will all work itself out in time I just hope it won't take forever. my calculus teacher is skin a real social reject, he has no body mass, he is skinnier than a toothpick and his clothes almost fall off of him its funny to look at that finish button is looking really good right now, as in extremley good, I wish I could click it right now but I can't b. C my 20 isn't finished yet so I will continue in my efforts to type and type continuously like you wanted, geez 20 minutes is a long time to just type and have nobody type back to you although I have writted letters that have taken me 3 hours to write and consisted of about 10 pages of paper, but I don't care, I don't care about much anyways, just my grades got to keep them up, I care about my family my future and the girl back home, I care about my frineds, I care about my physical health and looks that's why I love to be in shape but other than that, I don't care about much of anything, there is no reason to care and by the way I SUPPORT BUSH he is a good man and if the media didn't give him such a hard rap about things people would like him a lot more the only reason many people don't is because of the media, I even ask them why they don't like him and all they can say is just because, I reeally wisht tthat they would take the time to research things and see who the btter candidate for the president is which is obviously BUSH!!! anyways I don't really liek the music that is playing right now its not really that cool and has no good beat at all, music is a beautiful artform wchich I believe is the best ever but who cares? nobody. I am out to change the world and I will you will see  --Mad Hatter--out ",Thinking styles,Organized Thinking
2002_091020.txt,"     Okay, I thought right now would be the best time to do this. I'm alone and can think aobut what's going on. These last couple of weeks and been great as in school wise but my personal life has been shitty. We got into a wreck where alcohol was involved and the thing was the driver was designated and had nothing to drink and it was the other guys fault. Somehow with our parents we though we could cover it up aobut the alcohol but they found out aobut everything. This is all that keeps playing over and over right now. Where did we mess up? Well the past is the past and you can't change it. My dad came down and was very disappointed. He didn't know I had been drinknig for 1 and half years now and I don't evne get drunk. I get a buzz and I'm good. I have a few drinks every now and then not even all the time. For some reason he doesn't beleive it. He was furious. He's always trusted me for everything and never thought I'd mess up like this. I do good in school graduated top 2% of my class and everything. I have always done good in school and put school first jsut like my parents taught me too. I never wanted to disappoint my parents. I kept it so none of my little mess-ups would ever reach them. So they would think of me as they saw me everyday. This last senior year I started going to parties and hanging out with different people. I'm a real easy going person. The way I think is that I don't care aobut anything. I let things happen. I make the decisions that I think are right at the time and let whatever happen. I like to make people happy. I'm one of those people that when someone is arguing aobut something I let them argue and win. If they think they are right than they feel good. As for me I don't care. I know I'm right or wrong and I let it be, as lngo as their happy it's all good. So aobut the drinknig I have no idea what lead me to it. I used to be a very shy and not really outgonig person. Everyone liked me but I never tlaked oir anything but people knew me just because I was the only Indian at my school and I was easy gonig and friendly. I hate no one, I think everyone has a good side as long as they don't screw me over. Once someone screws me over than I don't like them but until then I try to get along with everyone. Well I guess that's why I staretd drinkngi to get my shyness away. Very bad excuse, I know. My dad thinks it's peer pressure. Peer pressure has never gotten to me I odn't think. I have a strong will about serious things. If I think it's bad and will do something to me I don't like than I won't do it. I tried weed too because I wanted to know the feeling and after researching that it won't cause damage liek other drugs. I tried smokngi cigars and cigarettes jsut to try it and I have astma so I decdie that wasn't for me. I never did really like the idea aobut smokngi. So so I decdied to stick to drinking because after a couple of times I liked the feeling. It was something different to get awya kind of form reality and really let yourslef go but at the same time still know what your doing. My mind goes from one thing to another right now jsut cause of my dad. My mom doesn't know anything which she would probably cry if she found out and that would make me the guiltiest person ever. I would hate that. My dad I don't know. As I sit here thikngi aobut him I feel more and mroe sorry. He came yesterday and gave me a lecture and I said I wouldn't dirnk anymroe but in a way that didn't sound half-true because I couldn't be sincere I thought it was bullshit. A few drinks every now and then can't hurt. Well I know it can but still it's weird I don't know how to explain. Well he came today again and tried to have anothe rone on one. Me and my dad rarely talk I talk to my mom aobut my problems, so I got angry this afternoon and totally went off when he asked me if I was still going to dirnk and if I had done any other drugs. He doesn't trust me me anymore. That hurts the worst. I'm not a eprson to show my feelings ever because I l;iek to think things thorugh. Right now I feel very guilty. I totally blew my dad off this afternoon and I saw the hurt in his eyes and my dad is rarely a person to show his feelings. I guess I get it from him. It's weird. So now I'mthinkngi aobut how I can make it up. I got a e-mail from one of my ex-best friend that's a gurl. We tried gonig out but it didn't work and then firendship fell thorugh too. But somehow we're still really close even thoguh we don't talk to each other anymore. My dad was discussing me with his best friends who is the girl's father. She said I sohuld stop drinknig and that my dad was really hurt. For some reason I still lsiten ot her so I'm reallyt thikngi abut callnig my dad and saying sorry and sincerely saying that I'm going to stop drinknig. I really do want to stop now. I know I can stop if I put my mind to it. I don't need alcohol anymore. One night can ruin the next 6 years haha. It's crazy ",Emotions: Responsibility,"     Okay, I thought right now would be the best time to do this. I'm alone and can think aobut what's going on. These last couple of weeks and been great as in school wise but my personal life has been shitty. We got into a wreck where alcohol was involved and the thing was the driver was designated and had nothing to drink and it was the other guys fault. Somehow with our parents we though we could cover it up aobut the alcohol but they found out aobut everything. This is all that keeps playing over and over right now. Where did we mess up? Well the past is the past and you can't change it. My dad came down and was very disappointed. He didn't know I had been drinknig for 1 and half years now and I don't evne get drunk. I get a buzz and I'm good. I have a few drinks every now and then not even all the time. For some reason he doesn't beleive it. He was furious. He's always trusted me for everything and never thought I'd mess up like this. I do good in school graduated top 2% of my class and everything. I have always done good in school and put school first jsut like my parents taught me too. I never wanted to disappoint my parents. I kept it so none of my little mess-ups would ever reach them. So they would think of me as they saw me everyday. This last senior year I started going to parties and hanging out with different people. I'm a real easy going person. The way I think is that I don't care aobut anything. I let things happen. I make the decisions that I think are right at the time and let whatever happen. I like to make people happy. I'm one of those people that when someone is arguing aobut something I let them argue and win. If they think they are right than they feel good. As for me I don't care. I know I'm right or wrong and I let it be, as lngo as their happy it's all good. So aobut the drinknig I have no idea what lead me to it. I used to be a very shy and not really outgonig person. Everyone liked me but I never tlaked oir anything but people knew me just because I was the only Indian at my school and I was easy gonig and friendly. I hate no one, I think everyone has a good side as long as they don't screw me over. Once someone screws me over than I don't like them but until then I try to get along with everyone. Well I guess that's why I staretd drinkngi to get my shyness away. Very bad excuse, I know. My dad thinks it's peer pressure. Peer pressure has never gotten to me I odn't think. I have a strong will about serious things. If I think it's bad and will do something to me I don't like than I won't do it. I tried weed too because I wanted to know the feeling and after researching that it won't cause damage liek other drugs. I tried smokngi cigars and cigarettes jsut to try it and I have astma so I decdie that wasn't for me. I never did really like the idea aobut smokngi. So so I decdied to stick to drinking because after a couple of times I liked the feeling. It was something different to get awya kind of form reality and really let yourslef go but at the same time still know what your doing. My mind goes from one thing to another right now jsut cause of my dad. My mom doesn't know anything which she would probably cry if she found out and that would make me the guiltiest person ever. I would hate that. My dad I don't know. As I sit here thikngi aobut him I feel more and mroe sorry. He came yesterday and gave me a lecture and I said I wouldn't dirnk anymroe but in a way that didn't sound half-true because I couldn't be sincere I thought it was bullshit. A few drinks every now and then can't hurt. Well I know it can but still it's weird I don't know how to explain. Well he came today again and tried to have anothe rone on one. Me and my dad rarely talk I talk to my mom aobut my problems, so I got angry this afternoon and totally went off when he asked me if I was still going to dirnk and if I had done any other drugs. He doesn't trust me me anymore. That hurts the worst. I'm not a eprson to show my feelings ever because I l;iek to think things thorugh. Right now I feel very guilty. I totally blew my dad off this afternoon and I saw the hurt in his eyes and my dad is rarely a person to show his feelings. I guess I get it from him. It's weird. So now I'mthinkngi aobut how I can make it up. I got a e-mail from one of my ex-best friend that's a gurl. We tried gonig out but it didn't work and then firendship fell thorugh too. But somehow we're still really close even thoguh we don't talk to each other anymore. My dad was discussing me with his best friends who is the girl's father. She said I sohuld stop drinknig and that my dad was really hurt. For some reason I still lsiten ot her so I'm reallyt thikngi abut callnig my dad and saying sorry and sincerely saying that I'm going to stop drinknig. I really do want to stop now. I know I can stop if I put my mind to it. I don't need alcohol anymore. One night can ruin the next 6 years haha. It's crazy ",Emotions,Responsibility
2000_618192.txt,"I would guess the only thoughts in my head right now are on weather or not I doing the things I should be. Is the sorority right for me? I really don't like my pledge class that much but I like most of the other girls in Alpha Phi. I don't know I'm just so afraid that I've totally missed God's plan for my life. It worries me. What if Pharmacy isn't where I'm supposed to be. I love listening to people's problems and just being there to help them but I don't know what to do with that. Where are my thoughts headed I'm not exactly sure I let my though wonder lots of times and they just kind of go in every direction. Sometimes the end up to will I ever find the guy I'm supposed to marry? I really do wonder that sometimes. He has to be out there somewhere but where? I don't know. I hate watching Emily and Justin. Its really kind of stupid but its not that its stupid its that I want that too. That guy has to be out there somewhere and I just haven't found him yet but I always want a boyfriends it just seems like lots of time I have bad luck finding one. And it seems that everyone here has one all the freaking time. Its annoying I want to find that Christian perfect guy out there for me. Maybe it is Chris but I doubt it. We're just way to different. I don't know. Its crazy being here at college things are so different. I don't know exactly where I'm supposed to be. Hopefully I'll find it soon. I like the things I'm doing but something's wrong. I have doubts anytime I'm not doing them if that what I'm supposed to be doing but then I'm with those people and I have a great time. It's really confusing. I just need to find that close best friends that I haven't quit found yet. And I really can't wait for next summer its going to be a blast. I think God is putting me there for a purpose but what it is I'm not sure. I just can't wait. I just hope by that time I'll know what it is I'm supposed to be doing here and be totally happy. Its like I feel sometimes I'm putting on a show. It's weird. I hate that I'm kind of in a group who went to high school together. It makes it really hard to fit in. I just need to find my group but hopefully I have now with joining Hyde Park. It'll be all good. Its weird I think that with all the moving I've done it changes things here because I'm used to being on my own and finding new people but it seems so far everyone does stuff with people they already knew or stuff. It's weird. I can't wait though to see some of my old friends. It'll be great fun I miss them lots but then I don't either. I just need to find my new group its what I've been waiting for for a while now and I know that group includes a boyfriend. I guess I'm more ready to find that guy than I wanted to admit. Its not like I'm ready to get married just to find him and start getting to know him better. I just want to find my best friend and that best friend will be the man of my dreams who I will marry and I guess I'm just being impatient to meet him. Very quickly. Because it'll be so neat to find him. I can't wait for tonight because I""LL BE going back to church and that's always fun its my favorite thing to do. It's a good thing. And I don't want to go home this weekend but I know I need to so I'm not to happy about that. Its really weird as I am wiring this I'm seeing more into me of feelings that I've tried to hide but I guess are there more than expected. Its funny I don't know what I'm looking for but I need to find it. I have God and I really want to deepen my relationship with him tremendously. I think I'm on the right path for that. I'll get there soon. I just don't know when. I'm so glad though that I found my church home that makes me feel lots better. Really it does. I just know I have a home now. And my Impulse group is great. I know that will be tons of fun. I just can't wait until Wed when we have it again. I think that will be something I'll look forward to each week because its so much fun. And I think I will get along with my group very well. I really miss my grandma lots. She was like my best friend last semester and I could tell her anything. It was nice and I still can except she doesn't write me long email back. I wish she would it would make it better. But that's ok she's still getting the hang of the Internet. Some day she'll learn how to use it and become a pro. I know she will. I hope there isn't anything really wrong with her leg. That wouldn't be good. I'm sure there's not but you never know and she loves to hide it form everybody which is bad because what if there is something really wrong. IT doesn't do any good to hide it from everybody. She didn't let my grandpa do it so why should we let her do it? Not fair and it won't happen. ",Thinking styles: Overthinking,"I would guess the only thoughts in my head right now are on weather or not I doing the things I should be. Is the sorority right for me? I really don't like my pledge class that much but I like most of the other girls in Alpha Phi. I don't know I'm just so afraid that I've totally missed God's plan for my life. It worries me. What if Pharmacy isn't where I'm supposed to be. I love listening to people's problems and just being there to help them but I don't know what to do with that. Where are my thoughts headed I'm not exactly sure I let my though wonder lots of times and they just kind of go in every direction. Sometimes the end up to will I ever find the guy I'm supposed to marry? I really do wonder that sometimes. He has to be out there somewhere but where? I don't know. I hate watching Emily and Justin. Its really kind of stupid but its not that its stupid its that I want that too. That guy has to be out there somewhere and I just haven't found him yet but I always want a boyfriends it just seems like lots of time I have bad luck finding one. And it seems that everyone here has one all the freaking time. Its annoying I want to find that Christian perfect guy out there for me. Maybe it is Chris but I doubt it. We're just way to different. I don't know. Its crazy being here at college things are so different. I don't know exactly where I'm supposed to be. Hopefully I'll find it soon. I like the things I'm doing but something's wrong. I have doubts anytime I'm not doing them if that what I'm supposed to be doing but then I'm with those people and I have a great time. It's really confusing. I just need to find that close best friends that I haven't quit found yet. And I really can't wait for next summer its going to be a blast. I think God is putting me there for a purpose but what it is I'm not sure. I just can't wait. I just hope by that time I'll know what it is I'm supposed to be doing here and be totally happy. Its like I feel sometimes I'm putting on a show. It's weird. I hate that I'm kind of in a group who went to high school together. It makes it really hard to fit in. I just need to find my group but hopefully I have now with joining Hyde Park. It'll be all good. Its weird I think that with all the moving I've done it changes things here because I'm used to being on my own and finding new people but it seems so far everyone does stuff with people they already knew or stuff. It's weird. I can't wait though to see some of my old friends. It'll be great fun I miss them lots but then I don't either. I just need to find my new group its what I've been waiting for for a while now and I know that group includes a boyfriend. I guess I'm more ready to find that guy than I wanted to admit. Its not like I'm ready to get married just to find him and start getting to know him better. I just want to find my best friend and that best friend will be the man of my dreams who I will marry and I guess I'm just being impatient to meet him. Very quickly. Because it'll be so neat to find him. I can't wait for tonight because I""LL BE going back to church and that's always fun its my favorite thing to do. It's a good thing. And I don't want to go home this weekend but I know I need to so I'm not to happy about that. Its really weird as I am wiring this I'm seeing more into me of feelings that I've tried to hide but I guess are there more than expected. Its funny I don't know what I'm looking for but I need to find it. I have God and I really want to deepen my relationship with him tremendously. I think I'm on the right path for that. I'll get there soon. I just don't know when. I'm so glad though that I found my church home that makes me feel lots better. Really it does. I just know I have a home now. And my Impulse group is great. I know that will be tons of fun. I just can't wait until Wed when we have it again. I think that will be something I'll look forward to each week because its so much fun. And I think I will get along with my group very well. I really miss my grandma lots. She was like my best friend last semester and I could tell her anything. It was nice and I still can except she doesn't write me long email back. I wish she would it would make it better. But that's ok she's still getting the hang of the Internet. Some day she'll learn how to use it and become a pro. I know she will. I hope there isn't anything really wrong with her leg. That wouldn't be good. I'm sure there's not but you never know and she loves to hide it form everybody which is bad because what if there is something really wrong. IT doesn't do any good to hide it from everybody. She didn't let my grandpa do it so why should we let her do it? Not fair and it won't happen. ",Thinking styles,Overthinking
1999_163164.txt,"Well, the writing assignment, its 11:50 right now, and I have to write a writing assignment for my psychology class which I absolutely do not see a point in writing this paper. I'm extremely tired from working out and playing basketball, and my stomache is very empty as of now. A few chocholate chip cookies with milk would be nice. Hey, this PCL is full of asians, and right in front of me is My friend Michael's sister, Sorry, I had to pause for a few second to stop and to talk with them. They're pretty cool, she thinks that I talk too loud. well screw her. I wonder if we could use inappropriate languages in this assignment, because my stream of consciousness is one thats pretty dirty and filled with foul language. I better not cuss. Its 12:00, and its very interesting that my brains could only output 10 lines of useless junk in 10 minutes. I feel like that I'm not using my brain to its full potential. Or Maybe I'm just a very slow typer. Damn, my wrist hurts, I'm so glad that I only have 2 classes tomorrow. Intro to western music is such a crappy class. I thought it was suppose to be a blow off but its not, and its pissing the living (explisive) out of me. I'm tone deaf, I'm dumb as hell when it comes down to music, and I'm plain retarded when I have to distinguish the difference between a duplet, triplet, or quatriplet. In my opinion, not that it really matters in the bigger scheme of things, but its still best to be aired out, is that music should be enjoyed by an individual, not to be dissected into grammarical structures. The class kinda reminds me of ""Dead Poet Society"" how the text books actually graphs the meter and accents of the poem. Music, like poetry, suppose to be heard by the heart not interpreted by the brain. When I hear Beathoveen's 5 th symphony, I can't tell the meter and texure of the piece, but all I know is that My heart are soaked with energy that makes the musical experience quite elemertary yet much more enjoyble. I guess I should quit my bitching to that class, since its I, myself who signed up the class without any foreign intervention nor pressure, so who should I blame but myself. I just saw Andrew's friend walking in the liabrary. Why didn't I say hello, just because the way he looks, is he not cool enough. When we went to that frat house last weekend, I feel like that he's such a burdensome tag-along. Yet would some of my other friend feel the same about me??  Its very disturbing, how I'm disgusted by all those people who think they are too cool for certain peeps, yet I fall under the same disgusting catorgory which I loath. It's so confusing, when I heard from Say that He's not coming to the thursdsay mixer, I was some what relieved. relieved of what?? of people not thinking that I'm a cool frat boy, beacause of Richard, but who really cares what those Lambda thinks? or those skanky Katie Phi girls think??? Why do I care so much about what other people think, instead of thinking for myself and doing something that I know is right. It bugs me how I proclaim my self to be a ""genuine"" nice guy, when I can't even perform the easiest task of bring somebody along with me and having a good time with him. Damn, I'm so freaking superficial and it annoys the heck out of me. ""To really discover yourself, before discovering that really special someone""  Right now, I don't think I deserve her. I just hope that she doesn't come right now, and wait for me to mature and evovle into a better person. The loud, oversized vacumm cleaner is distracting my flow of thoughts, and my brain kinda froze for a sec. I think those few clear moments where you're brain is not thinking anything at all, is one of the healthiest state a human can be. Well, as another vacuum cleaner joins the Library noice parade, I shall conclude this essay. I have to admit though, despite my early feelings, this assignment has some enjoybal value to it, and I'm actually kinda glad that I'm given this blank sheet that I can send my thoughts, into the void of carelessness, and its rather refreshing. I bid you farewell. (though I don't know who I'm bidding to)  Its 12:15. ",Emotions: Energy,"Well, the writing assignment, its 11:50 right now, and I have to write a writing assignment for my psychology class which I absolutely do not see a point in writing this paper. I'm extremely tired from working out and playing basketball, and my stomache is very empty as of now. A few chocholate chip cookies with milk would be nice. Hey, this PCL is full of asians, and right in front of me is My friend Michael's sister, Sorry, I had to pause for a few second to stop and to talk with them. They're pretty cool, she thinks that I talk too loud. well screw her. I wonder if we could use inappropriate languages in this assignment, because my stream of consciousness is one thats pretty dirty and filled with foul language. I better not cuss. Its 12:00, and its very interesting that my brains could only output 10 lines of useless junk in 10 minutes. I feel like that I'm not using my brain to its full potential. Or Maybe I'm just a very slow typer. Damn, my wrist hurts, I'm so glad that I only have 2 classes tomorrow. Intro to western music is such a crappy class. I thought it was suppose to be a blow off but its not, and its pissing the living (explisive) out of me. I'm tone deaf, I'm dumb as hell when it comes down to music, and I'm plain retarded when I have to distinguish the difference between a duplet, triplet, or quatriplet. In my opinion, not that it really matters in the bigger scheme of things, but its still best to be aired out, is that music should be enjoyed by an individual, not to be dissected into grammarical structures. The class kinda reminds me of ""Dead Poet Society"" how the text books actually graphs the meter and accents of the poem. Music, like poetry, suppose to be heard by the heart not interpreted by the brain. When I hear Beathoveen's 5 th symphony, I can't tell the meter and texure of the piece, but all I know is that My heart are soaked with energy that makes the musical experience quite elemertary yet much more enjoyble. I guess I should quit my bitching to that class, since its I, myself who signed up the class without any foreign intervention nor pressure, so who should I blame but myself. I just saw Andrew's friend walking in the liabrary. Why didn't I say hello, just because the way he looks, is he not cool enough. When we went to that frat house last weekend, I feel like that he's such a burdensome tag-along. Yet would some of my other friend feel the same about me??  Its very disturbing, how I'm disgusted by all those people who think they are too cool for certain peeps, yet I fall under the same disgusting catorgory which I loath. It's so confusing, when I heard from Say that He's not coming to the thursdsay mixer, I was some what relieved. relieved of what?? of people not thinking that I'm a cool frat boy, beacause of Richard, but who really cares what those Lambda thinks? or those skanky Katie Phi girls think??? Why do I care so much about what other people think, instead of thinking for myself and doing something that I know is right. It bugs me how I proclaim my self to be a ""genuine"" nice guy, when I can't even perform the easiest task of bring somebody along with me and having a good time with him. Damn, I'm so freaking superficial and it annoys the heck out of me. ""To really discover yourself, before discovering that really special someone""  Right now, I don't think I deserve her. I just hope that she doesn't come right now, and wait for me to mature and evovle into a better person. The loud, oversized vacumm cleaner is distracting my flow of thoughts, and my brain kinda froze for a sec. I think those few clear moments where you're brain is not thinking anything at all, is one of the healthiest state a human can be. Well, as another vacuum cleaner joins the Library noice parade, I shall conclude this essay. I have to admit though, despite my early feelings, this assignment has some enjoybal value to it, and I'm actually kinda glad that I'm given this blank sheet that I can send my thoughts, into the void of carelessness, and its rather refreshing. I bid you farewell. (though I don't know who I'm bidding to)  Its 12:15. ",Emotions,Energy
2002_690395.txt,"Right now I am thinking about September 11th because i just got out of music class, and we discussed the emotional impact that music has on people. I never really thought about how emotional some songs make me feel. When my music teacher played   Amazing Grace   after reading an e-mail from a New York firefighter, I felt myself get teary eyed. It has been about 20 minutes since I've been in his class, and I still have that heart ache feeling thinking about the diffrent songs he played for the class. I also feel homesick. I keep thinking how i want to spend the anniversary of September 11th at home with my mom and dad. I am already homesick, and Wednesday is just going to intinsify my home sickness. I feel worried about my school work. I have so much homework that i need to get done that I'm starting to feel stressed out. I wish i would have study more these past two weeks instead of leaving the huge load I have now to the last minute. I don't think I'm ever going to catch up! I am really worried about Biology. It's an advanced class, and I have no idea what I'm doing in there. I still have an 11 paged packet that I must have done tomorrow. It's too hard though. I really wanted to go workout, but I don't feel like I have time. I want to go tanning but I have class at 3:30 and I needed to study inbetween my classes. I am really hungry. I want some buffalo wings. I think after I'm done typing this I'm going to order some Pluckers. I am also really thirsty, but I'm too lazy to go downstairs and get a coke. I'll just wait until I go get food. My room mate won't stop making noise which keeps breaking my train of thought. I really miss my nephew. I havn't got to see him in months. I hope when i go home this weekend I will be able to see him, but I doubt it beacuse his mom is such a psycho. She never lets us see him unless she wants something. I am going to call her and tell her I want to see him this weekend. I think I'll buy him a UT shirt before I leave on Friday. I put your picture away, sat down and cried for days. I can't look at you laying next to her. I wonder how Jess is doing. I havn't talked to her since i came to Austin. I hope she's doing better than when I left. This song sure does remind me of her. I hope her and Michael are talking again. It smells like clorox in my room. I need to spray some Lysol on here. Plus I need to clean my room. It's starting to get really messy. I wonder if that's bothering Crystal? She would tell if it was. Well, I'll clean my half just to be nice, and so I can be more organized. I need to do my laundry. I guess i could do it later. ",Emotions: Stress,"Right now I am thinking about September 11th because i just got out of music class, and we discussed the emotional impact that music has on people. I never really thought about how emotional some songs make me feel. When my music teacher played   Amazing Grace   after reading an e-mail from a New York firefighter, I felt myself get teary eyed. It has been about 20 minutes since I've been in his class, and I still have that heart ache feeling thinking about the diffrent songs he played for the class. I also feel homesick. I keep thinking how i want to spend the anniversary of September 11th at home with my mom and dad. I am already homesick, and Wednesday is just going to intinsify my home sickness. I feel worried about my school work. I have so much homework that i need to get done that I'm starting to feel stressed out. I wish i would have study more these past two weeks instead of leaving the huge load I have now to the last minute. I don't think I'm ever going to catch up! I am really worried about Biology. It's an advanced class, and I have no idea what I'm doing in there. I still have an 11 paged packet that I must have done tomorrow. It's too hard though. I really wanted to go workout, but I don't feel like I have time. I want to go tanning but I have class at 3:30 and I needed to study inbetween my classes. I am really hungry. I want some buffalo wings. I think after I'm done typing this I'm going to order some Pluckers. I am also really thirsty, but I'm too lazy to go downstairs and get a coke. I'll just wait until I go get food. My room mate won't stop making noise which keeps breaking my train of thought. I really miss my nephew. I havn't got to see him in months. I hope when i go home this weekend I will be able to see him, but I doubt it beacuse his mom is such a psycho. She never lets us see him unless she wants something. I am going to call her and tell her I want to see him this weekend. I think I'll buy him a UT shirt before I leave on Friday. I put your picture away, sat down and cried for days. I can't look at you laying next to her. I wonder how Jess is doing. I havn't talked to her since i came to Austin. I hope she's doing better than when I left. This song sure does remind me of her. I hope her and Michael are talking again. It smells like clorox in my room. I need to spray some Lysol on here. Plus I need to clean my room. It's starting to get really messy. I wonder if that's bothering Crystal? She would tell if it was. Well, I'll clean my half just to be nice, and so I can be more organized. I need to do my laundry. I guess i could do it later. ",Emotions,Stress
1998_955635.txt,"okay well here goes nothin' I guess so whats the big deal about all this anyway all I was told was about how hard it ws going to be and so far its been a boat ride we used to play dominoes back in high school in my theatre class and I was the only white kid it was kind of fun actually they all taught me how to play ""bones"" a boat ride was when all the dots on the end dominoes added up two twenty boat ride and so on well its great so  far mom party party party class party party party sleep class party that's my schedule why does this girl keep taking us so seriously I'm so frustr. with her right now oh well sobeit and so on so how much tim e . damn fifteen minutes left what else would you,like to know sir. maam. it whatever is this here to entertain you or for you to. nevermind well here we are just me and you pizza sounds good Kilgore Trout I need to finish that book great book so much crap noone sees the genius and so on the severity of any problem is measured by the attainability of its solution-me yeah psych class 400 people huh and not a damn one is anyhting like me maybe one okay two or three but thas all jammed my finger it hurts to type falling down the stairs at my dads my party drunk 4 in the morningjammed my shoulder and finger price to pay for a good time huh? well answer me nevermind should I tell her what I'm thinking maybe not I ve got plenty of time plenty of time Marty Robbins he used to sing Marty Robbins no more I could not as good as real thing greatt album best of all time U2 crowding my space!!!! okay well are going to give it back for some reason I don't miss it at all I guess I'm hungry griffin liz maybe other girl one of these things is not like the other hot in here workstastion blah blah cuts handsneed new band for my wtch planner aol disk I tired band I wish theyd make it big like daisy I wish daisy'd make it bigger shopping no wait witherspoon. should I go to the concert or the game. the music or the sport that is the question Prague. its all about the show but who know s what show will blow through a town that goes. never again will I write a poem short story etc. maybe a sports article when I'm old and grey and have no teeth and a dog named ralph with my wife having passed away thrre years earlier in my newly finished rocking chair that my grandchildren made for me and the cushion for my arthritic back. orthopedic shoes pipe in hand and caxcer in mouth calling ralph to my feet watching reruns of the X-files praying to God that one of my kids would call to hear a voice or that ralph could talk if that's his name cause wont remember a thing but that's okay because the one thing I will remember is Marty Robbins and so on times up  ",Emotions: Frustration,"okay well here goes nothin' I guess so whats the big deal about all this anyway all I was told was about how hard it ws going to be and so far its been a boat ride we used to play dominoes back in high school in my theatre class and I was the only white kid it was kind of fun actually they all taught me how to play ""bones"" a boat ride was when all the dots on the end dominoes added up two twenty boat ride and so on well its great so  far mom party party party class party party party sleep class party that's my schedule why does this girl keep taking us so seriously I'm so frustr. with her right now oh well sobeit and so on so how much tim e . damn fifteen minutes left what else would you,like to know sir. maam. it whatever is this here to entertain you or for you to. nevermind well here we are just me and you pizza sounds good Kilgore Trout I need to finish that book great book so much crap noone sees the genius and so on the severity of any problem is measured by the attainability of its solution-me yeah psych class 400 people huh and not a damn one is anyhting like me maybe one okay two or three but thas all jammed my finger it hurts to type falling down the stairs at my dads my party drunk 4 in the morningjammed my shoulder and finger price to pay for a good time huh? well answer me nevermind should I tell her what I'm thinking maybe not I ve got plenty of time plenty of time Marty Robbins he used to sing Marty Robbins no more I could not as good as real thing greatt album best of all time U2 crowding my space!!!! okay well are going to give it back for some reason I don't miss it at all I guess I'm hungry griffin liz maybe other girl one of these things is not like the other hot in here workstastion blah blah cuts handsneed new band for my wtch planner aol disk I tired band I wish theyd make it big like daisy I wish daisy'd make it bigger shopping no wait witherspoon. should I go to the concert or the game. the music or the sport that is the question Prague. its all about the show but who know s what show will blow through a town that goes. never again will I write a poem short story etc. maybe a sports article when I'm old and grey and have no teeth and a dog named ralph with my wife having passed away thrre years earlier in my newly finished rocking chair that my grandchildren made for me and the cushion for my arthritic back. orthopedic shoes pipe in hand and caxcer in mouth calling ralph to my feet watching reruns of the X-files praying to God that one of my kids would call to hear a voice or that ralph could talk if that's his name cause wont remember a thing but that's okay because the one thing I will remember is Marty Robbins and so on times up  ",Emotions,Frustration
1997_918806.txt,"I'm just sitting here thinking while I wait for my clothes to clean. While sitting here I realize how much my life is different in Austin rather than two hundred and eighty miles away in Nederland. For example, I always had someone to do my laundry there and if I did it myself I never had to wait for a washing machine. The thing I miss most about Nederland is not having my friends around. Even though my best friend and my girlfriend are also attending U. T and both are staying in Jester I still miss my other friends a lot. I always thought when I came to Austin it was going to be so much fun, but now I realize there is a lot of work involved. Only a week has gone by since I got here and I already have so much to do. That is another thing I miss about home, the ability to do nothing if I so desire. Here ""doing nothing"" is not an option. I feel that if I do nothing I will fall behind and just be wasting time. I miss the little things about home. Even though my girlfriend lives here I miss being able to go to each others house. Sure we can go to each others dorm rooms but I miss the feeling of home and hanging out with her family and mine. That is another thing I have not mentioned yet, I miss my family. I honestly did not think I would but I do. I guess over time I will grow accustomed to living here and maybe eventually be able to call Austin my home. Well, it's time to put the clothes in the dryer so I guess this is the end. ",Thinking styles: Introspective,"I'm just sitting here thinking while I wait for my clothes to clean. While sitting here I realize how much my life is different in Austin rather than two hundred and eighty miles away in Nederland. For example, I always had someone to do my laundry there and if I did it myself I never had to wait for a washing machine. The thing I miss most about Nederland is not having my friends around. Even though my best friend and my girlfriend are also attending U. T and both are staying in Jester I still miss my other friends a lot. I always thought when I came to Austin it was going to be so much fun, but now I realize there is a lot of work involved. Only a week has gone by since I got here and I already have so much to do. That is another thing I miss about home, the ability to do nothing if I so desire. Here ""doing nothing"" is not an option. I feel that if I do nothing I will fall behind and just be wasting time. I miss the little things about home. Even though my girlfriend lives here I miss being able to go to each others house. Sure we can go to each others dorm rooms but I miss the feeling of home and hanging out with her family and mine. That is another thing I have not mentioned yet, I miss my family. I honestly did not think I would but I do. I guess over time I will grow accustomed to living here and maybe eventually be able to call Austin my home. Well, it's time to put the clothes in the dryer so I guess this is the end. ",Thinking styles,Introspective
1999_771726.txt,"It is just past one a. m. and I feel like doing this now. I'm not really tired and know that I should go to bed because I have to go to class at eight tomorrow. I've done all of my homework and am extremely bored. I just got off the internet with my boyfriend back at home, which would be Conroe. He's lonley just like me and we have been talking for about three hours. I miss him a lot and don't quite know what to do. I really don't have a lot of friends here. I had seven best friends that I grew up with since around fourth grade and all seven of them went to A&M. I really feel left out. They all e-mail me and tell me what a great time they are having and I wish I were with them. I've wanted to come here since I was in fifth grade though, so this is a dream come true for me. I just wish I had someone to talk to. They were always there for me and we always had a great time. I also miss my family, which is probably to be expected in the first weeks of college. My brother called me today, he is 13, and told me that he just got a new dwarf hamster and I know he got it just because I told him last week that they were the cutest things. He takes everything I say to heart, even if he dosen't know it. My mom's and my brother's birthday is in a week and I'm not sure if I can get home. I wasen't able to bring my car up here so I'm stuck at the mercy of my roommate. I just want to be there for their birthday's. If my roommate dosen't go home though then I'm stuck up here. I've known Sara for quite a long time. For about eight years. We've never really been best friends or anything but we decided to room together because we knew we could trust each other. She is pretty neat, although she does complain a lot. I have really nothing against here though. I'm kinda hungry, if you would like to know that. Instead of eating dinner I went down the hall and watched the MTV music awards and ate candy and popcorn and I'm still hungry. I don't want to have to get up in the morning. When I scheduled my classes I should not have put four classes in one day, but I had no choice. I'm really regretting it now though. Homework is hard to do if it all has to be done on the same day. I'm also taking an aerobics class and it is quite fun. I never expected it to be so physical though. I know you are supposed to exercise and all, it's just that it hurts. I am so out of shape and it just makes me aware of that fact. My eyes are getting all fuzzy. And it is very cold. I'm getting tired now and I think it is because of all the blue writing on the white background. I wasen't tired before. So, my twenty minutes is almost up and I might go to bed now. I doubt it, I am a night person. I'd rather stay up all night and sleep all day. That would be great. Well, I'll talk to you in the next writing assignment. ",Social Awareness: Responsibility,"It is just past one a. m. and I feel like doing this now. I'm not really tired and know that I should go to bed because I have to go to class at eight tomorrow. I've done all of my homework and am extremely bored. I just got off the internet with my boyfriend back at home, which would be Conroe. He's lonley just like me and we have been talking for about three hours. I miss him a lot and don't quite know what to do. I really don't have a lot of friends here. I had seven best friends that I grew up with since around fourth grade and all seven of them went to A&M. I really feel left out. They all e-mail me and tell me what a great time they are having and I wish I were with them. I've wanted to come here since I was in fifth grade though, so this is a dream come true for me. I just wish I had someone to talk to. They were always there for me and we always had a great time. I also miss my family, which is probably to be expected in the first weeks of college. My brother called me today, he is 13, and told me that he just got a new dwarf hamster and I know he got it just because I told him last week that they were the cutest things. He takes everything I say to heart, even if he dosen't know it. My mom's and my brother's birthday is in a week and I'm not sure if I can get home. I wasen't able to bring my car up here so I'm stuck at the mercy of my roommate. I just want to be there for their birthday's. If my roommate dosen't go home though then I'm stuck up here. I've known Sara for quite a long time. For about eight years. We've never really been best friends or anything but we decided to room together because we knew we could trust each other. She is pretty neat, although she does complain a lot. I have really nothing against here though. I'm kinda hungry, if you would like to know that. Instead of eating dinner I went down the hall and watched the MTV music awards and ate candy and popcorn and I'm still hungry. I don't want to have to get up in the morning. When I scheduled my classes I should not have put four classes in one day, but I had no choice. I'm really regretting it now though. Homework is hard to do if it all has to be done on the same day. I'm also taking an aerobics class and it is quite fun. I never expected it to be so physical though. I know you are supposed to exercise and all, it's just that it hurts. I am so out of shape and it just makes me aware of that fact. My eyes are getting all fuzzy. And it is very cold. I'm getting tired now and I think it is because of all the blue writing on the white background. I wasen't tired before. So, my twenty minutes is almost up and I might go to bed now. I doubt it, I am a night person. I'd rather stay up all night and sleep all day. That would be great. Well, I'll talk to you in the next writing assignment. ",Social Awareness,Responsibility
1999_742385.txt,"Jeez, I had been typing for like at least fifteen minutes and I hit the damn escape button and everything erased from the scrteen. I hit the undo button and that got everythgnbackbuyt I wanted to make sure that it wass the escxapre button and in hit undo again after hitting ht eescxape button ahd everything leeft and shit thie really suck I am now pretty annnouyed. I had so much written and it was prertry good stuff because I t let me sse how much imy mind wantedre when I thought  for a constant peroiod of time no wmy typhen really susicsks because I am tying to gype as cfast as I can because I wanta tho get ghitthighs thing ovoer with sasa cffasat as I can . what I was talaking about at one pint in the fisrst on ewas how I have tigns keypaboard, or keyboards in genereal brecause I has a wrist rest on the keyboark onand that was annoynt aoso I took it off and I stareted to yepye faster and with abetter accurary buye you oculdn't tell now because I am tyyping so  fast that my saccuarcy has diminincdhsed to the poing youi may thingk I rally su suck iat typoien. it probably looks prtetty bad right now I can't tell because I am ilooking at the kyboark rightnow. I have trouble hitting the t keyp I have to actually think aobut it comparedk to the a key with which I don't' havae to thnk. whoa I just looked at the screen and I feel soty if anyone is ogint o reaad this or attemptot  read thins. that really sucks that this may not even bget read becsause they have at least 5oo peopel in the clasese so they will most assuredly do a random check o fhw how sdid the wirithing. they will peobably do only maybe 20 or sp eopelle tecause they want ot know if they did or irt just hit the submit button right below thi sbig plain srcren. I am listing to peopaer jam music right nao and one of my favcorigte soinbgs is palyong righ tno. I forgot the name ifo the sone, actually it ic call hail hiail. it is a cool song and I thingk t was on their yield cd. I am not fully sure. we have thhos lava lapmp in our dorm aroom and I was messing with it w few time s and I thougyth I scrwed it uip. I turned it upside down ad mnesses it up. w had to turn it off for a few hours and it wasb back to normak and me bieng the guy how likes to mess woith things as the incident I descrived at the beginning or this twinety minute thihng hsows, I shork it to s3ew hat would happen. agfain it screwed up and we had to run it ofof for some time. then it went back to normal but it was on the ground ani accidently knocked it over. then it got sxtereed up again and we rurned it off for a longer peroid of time this time pbecause it was pretty sucrewed up . an dthere wasa a hazy ol==k. like thatrewas a lot of ""lava"" floaiting around moile molecules and itwas wn't inin the big bunch it supposed to be. we left it off overnihght and it went back to noerla. we turned the loight s out last night and forgot to gturn the lava lamp off and it was n't even that brignth. not very bright for a "". amp"". I didnt mind it bieng on but my romate w anted it off. je ,ist b e smsatovbe tp ;ogjt/ ech! that looks like jibberish. my s=f9ngers shifted to the right one and tghat looked pretty bad. that is preyy weird hw if you have yoru hand mis poistioned a few centimetere, you can type still but youlook like a copetel fool and you may mistaken for a retard! notr that I am making fun o  fhtem but that is a simple fact. people arelso eager to ump on you osometimes in theis world. oh well. aginatot his keyboar thingk. it may be better for meif I buy the microsoft natural keyboard which is split in the middle of the keyboark ins is uposed ot be more ergonomically correct. I have microsoft mousn and it fits in the palmiof my hand. wheni went home and used the mouse there it felt really bac. I wonder how much I hav e  yped how. I'll type until the end of this sone, which is now daughter. this is a longer versoin than on the original cd. this is a perarl jam live cd. it is called live on two legs or something like hat. h==I also have this orhter prearl jam cd live xcd. it is a live cd recorded from a conceret in italy. it is pretty cool and I was albe to herar new songs befoere then came out on future. cds. there is a new version of jeremy on it, but I don't' knowi f I likwe it becausei don't remembver it. I really likde hat song some peplse it isn't a song my pearly jam, bu a comver of someone selases osong I thingk with slight differences in the lyrics. ithe lyrics are soo grue becas it is like somepeople don't have mno mind, some people aridiots and stuflike that. reminds me of someoenp in knwo. as you can see if you look at the to of my text here, youwill notice that my speling has gotten better. I have actually slowed down my typing soem because I am not as ticked off as I was when I started typoing. man was I tyicked. so for you psychologists our there who may actuyally read this, my aggravation slowed down because my mind went else where because I got so in tuen wit writign thing assignment. is this evenb an asisghment?   -Shawn ",Emotions: Anxiety,"Jeez, I had been typing for like at least fifteen minutes and I hit the damn escape button and everything erased from the scrteen. I hit the undo button and that got everythgnbackbuyt I wanted to make sure that it wass the escxapre button and in hit undo again after hitting ht eescxape button ahd everything leeft and shit thie really suck I am now pretty annnouyed. I had so much written and it was prertry good stuff because I t let me sse how much imy mind wantedre when I thought  for a constant peroiod of time no wmy typhen really susicsks because I am tying to gype as cfast as I can because I wanta tho get ghitthighs thing ovoer with sasa cffasat as I can . what I was talaking about at one pint in the fisrst on ewas how I have tigns keypaboard, or keyboards in genereal brecause I has a wrist rest on the keyboark onand that was annoynt aoso I took it off and I stareted to yepye faster and with abetter accurary buye you oculdn't tell now because I am tyyping so  fast that my saccuarcy has diminincdhsed to the poing youi may thingk I rally su suck iat typoien. it probably looks prtetty bad right now I can't tell because I am ilooking at the kyboark rightnow. I have trouble hitting the t keyp I have to actually think aobut it comparedk to the a key with which I don't' havae to thnk. whoa I just looked at the screen and I feel soty if anyone is ogint o reaad this or attemptot  read thins. that really sucks that this may not even bget read becsause they have at least 5oo peopel in the clasese so they will most assuredly do a random check o fhw how sdid the wirithing. they will peobably do only maybe 20 or sp eopelle tecause they want ot know if they did or irt just hit the submit button right below thi sbig plain srcren. I am listing to peopaer jam music right nao and one of my favcorigte soinbgs is palyong righ tno. I forgot the name ifo the sone, actually it ic call hail hiail. it is a cool song and I thingk t was on their yield cd. I am not fully sure. we have thhos lava lapmp in our dorm aroom and I was messing with it w few time s and I thougyth I scrwed it uip. I turned it upside down ad mnesses it up. w had to turn it off for a few hours and it wasb back to normak and me bieng the guy how likes to mess woith things as the incident I descrived at the beginning or this twinety minute thihng hsows, I shork it to s3ew hat would happen. agfain it screwed up and we had to run it ofof for some time. then it went back to normal but it was on the ground ani accidently knocked it over. then it got sxtereed up again and we rurned it off for a longer peroid of time this time pbecause it was pretty sucrewed up . an dthere wasa a hazy ol==k. like thatrewas a lot of ""lava"" floaiting around moile molecules and itwas wn't inin the big bunch it supposed to be. we left it off overnihght and it went back to noerla. we turned the loight s out last night and forgot to gturn the lava lamp off and it was n't even that brignth. not very bright for a "". amp"". I didnt mind it bieng on but my romate w anted it off. je ,ist b e smsatovbe tp ;ogjt/ ech! that looks like jibberish. my s=f9ngers shifted to the right one and tghat looked pretty bad. that is preyy weird hw if you have yoru hand mis poistioned a few centimetere, you can type still but youlook like a copetel fool and you may mistaken for a retard! notr that I am making fun o  fhtem but that is a simple fact. people arelso eager to ump on you osometimes in theis world. oh well. aginatot his keyboar thingk. it may be better for meif I buy the microsoft natural keyboard which is split in the middle of the keyboark ins is uposed ot be more ergonomically correct. I have microsoft mousn and it fits in the palmiof my hand. wheni went home and used the mouse there it felt really bac. I wonder how much I hav e  yped how. I'll type until the end of this sone, which is now daughter. this is a longer versoin than on the original cd. this is a perarl jam live cd. it is called live on two legs or something like hat. h==I also have this orhter prearl jam cd live xcd. it is a live cd recorded from a conceret in italy. it is pretty cool and I was albe to herar new songs befoere then came out on future. cds. there is a new version of jeremy on it, but I don't' knowi f I likwe it becausei don't remembver it. I really likde hat song some peplse it isn't a song my pearly jam, bu a comver of someone selases osong I thingk with slight differences in the lyrics. ithe lyrics are soo grue becas it is like somepeople don't have mno mind, some people aridiots and stuflike that. reminds me of someoenp in knwo. as you can see if you look at the to of my text here, youwill notice that my speling has gotten better. I have actually slowed down my typing soem because I am not as ticked off as I was when I started typoing. man was I tyicked. so for you psychologists our there who may actuyally read this, my aggravation slowed down because my mind went else where because I got so in tuen wit writign thing assignment. is this evenb an asisghment?   -Shawn ",Emotions,Anxiety
2004_257.txt,"     well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students!  so why am I here?  Am I anywhere better than them?  Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people?  what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell?  hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing?  I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here?  Or is it something else?  Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that?  What am I searching for?  Trying to reach a perfect life?  I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first ""friend"" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they?  People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom?  What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation?  Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles?  I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture!  That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!!  And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid. ",Thinking styles: Disorganized,"     well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students!  so why am I here?  Am I anywhere better than them?  Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people?  what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell?  hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing?  I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here?  Or is it something else?  Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that?  What am I searching for?  Trying to reach a perfect life?  I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first ""friend"" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they?  People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom?  What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation?  Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles?  I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture!  That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!!  And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid. ",Thinking styles,Disorganized
1998_955635.txt,"okay well here goes nothin' I guess so whats the big deal about all this anyway all I was told was about how hard it ws going to be and so far its been a boat ride we used to play dominoes back in high school in my theatre class and I was the only white kid it was kind of fun actually they all taught me how to play ""bones"" a boat ride was when all the dots on the end dominoes added up two twenty boat ride and so on well its great so  far mom party party party class party party party sleep class party that's my schedule why does this girl keep taking us so seriously I'm so frustr. with her right now oh well sobeit and so on so how much tim e . damn fifteen minutes left what else would you,like to know sir. maam. it whatever is this here to entertain you or for you to. nevermind well here we are just me and you pizza sounds good Kilgore Trout I need to finish that book great book so much crap noone sees the genius and so on the severity of any problem is measured by the attainability of its solution-me yeah psych class 400 people huh and not a damn one is anyhting like me maybe one okay two or three but thas all jammed my finger it hurts to type falling down the stairs at my dads my party drunk 4 in the morningjammed my shoulder and finger price to pay for a good time huh? well answer me nevermind should I tell her what I'm thinking maybe not I ve got plenty of time plenty of time Marty Robbins he used to sing Marty Robbins no more I could not as good as real thing greatt album best of all time U2 crowding my space!!!! okay well are going to give it back for some reason I don't miss it at all I guess I'm hungry griffin liz maybe other girl one of these things is not like the other hot in here workstastion blah blah cuts handsneed new band for my wtch planner aol disk I tired band I wish theyd make it big like daisy I wish daisy'd make it bigger shopping no wait witherspoon. should I go to the concert or the game. the music or the sport that is the question Prague. its all about the show but who know s what show will blow through a town that goes. never again will I write a poem short story etc. maybe a sports article when I'm old and grey and have no teeth and a dog named ralph with my wife having passed away thrre years earlier in my newly finished rocking chair that my grandchildren made for me and the cushion for my arthritic back. orthopedic shoes pipe in hand and caxcer in mouth calling ralph to my feet watching reruns of the X-files praying to God that one of my kids would call to hear a voice or that ralph could talk if that's his name cause wont remember a thing but that's okay because the one thing I will remember is Marty Robbins and so on times up  ",Emotions: Excitement,"okay well here goes nothin' I guess so whats the big deal about all this anyway all I was told was about how hard it ws going to be and so far its been a boat ride we used to play dominoes back in high school in my theatre class and I was the only white kid it was kind of fun actually they all taught me how to play ""bones"" a boat ride was when all the dots on the end dominoes added up two twenty boat ride and so on well its great so  far mom party party party class party party party sleep class party that's my schedule why does this girl keep taking us so seriously I'm so frustr. with her right now oh well sobeit and so on so how much tim e . damn fifteen minutes left what else would you,like to know sir. maam. it whatever is this here to entertain you or for you to. nevermind well here we are just me and you pizza sounds good Kilgore Trout I need to finish that book great book so much crap noone sees the genius and so on the severity of any problem is measured by the attainability of its solution-me yeah psych class 400 people huh and not a damn one is anyhting like me maybe one okay two or three but thas all jammed my finger it hurts to type falling down the stairs at my dads my party drunk 4 in the morningjammed my shoulder and finger price to pay for a good time huh? well answer me nevermind should I tell her what I'm thinking maybe not I ve got plenty of time plenty of time Marty Robbins he used to sing Marty Robbins no more I could not as good as real thing greatt album best of all time U2 crowding my space!!!! okay well are going to give it back for some reason I don't miss it at all I guess I'm hungry griffin liz maybe other girl one of these things is not like the other hot in here workstastion blah blah cuts handsneed new band for my wtch planner aol disk I tired band I wish theyd make it big like daisy I wish daisy'd make it bigger shopping no wait witherspoon. should I go to the concert or the game. the music or the sport that is the question Prague. its all about the show but who know s what show will blow through a town that goes. never again will I write a poem short story etc. maybe a sports article when I'm old and grey and have no teeth and a dog named ralph with my wife having passed away thrre years earlier in my newly finished rocking chair that my grandchildren made for me and the cushion for my arthritic back. orthopedic shoes pipe in hand and caxcer in mouth calling ralph to my feet watching reruns of the X-files praying to God that one of my kids would call to hear a voice or that ralph could talk if that's his name cause wont remember a thing but that's okay because the one thing I will remember is Marty Robbins and so on times up  ",Emotions,Excitement
2000_952391.txt,"I'm really use to writing for long periods of time straight and not stop. I keep a little diary myself and write my thoughts and feelings down whenever they overwhelm me. I suppose it's some sort of stress release because I always feel better afterwards. Writing in my diary has allowed me to express my feelings and emotions onto paper. This way, it's easy for me to look at it and then maybe figure out how I am to deal with the emotions. Some things I write about are problems with my relationships with other people. One entry I wrote just recently was about a problem with this guy. There was just so much pressure on me from this guy that liked me that I couldn't really stand it anymore. He told me he liked me, and I suppose he expected me to just like him back. Don't get me wrong, he is a good friend of mine. Maybe that's why it was so hard. But anyways, I was able to express my contained feelings into my diary. It really did help a lot. When I first heard of this assignment on writing for 20 minutes straight without stopping I thought to myself ""wow, this will be fun"". My roommate, on the other hand groaned and said she would never be able to do something like that. She says there's just not that much to write about. I told her how she could just write bout her day or whatever. 20 minutes goes by pretty quickly if you think about it. It's already been about 5 minutes since I started. I'm typing kind of fast. I suppose it's the flow of the words. Since there's no really structure on this assignment, I can write without thinking too much. I had a pretty harsh day today. Didn't set my alarm clock, thus I woke up 10 minutes before my first class started. And my teacher Is a real stickler for this timing thing. She wants us in our seats and ready to go by the time class starts. That is usually what I would do, but today, I really couldn't do much about that. I hate walking into class late. There's only about 500 zillion people that look at you when you walk in. And you know what they're thinking, ""man, SHE's late"". I don't like that feeling. Well after the lecture (which I understood very well) I had to go back home because I hadn't brushed my teeth or anything yet. The whole way back I was thinking, ""man. it's too early in the year to be starting this"". But I got over it. Told my friends and laughed at it for a little bit. That's one of the reasons I love having my old friends here at UT. There's always someone there for you. It's like bringing a little bit of home with you. I live with one of my old friends from high school and she's an awesome roommate. Her boyfriend is also one of my good friends. And his roommate is the guy that I mentioned earlier. that likes me. Then I have many other old friends that are hear with me, and it just makes me feel more safe and comfortable. But I know I need to make other friends and I do. I like to just talk to people I don't know. You know that old rule ""never talk to strangers?"" Well, I don't follow that one too well. It's always nice to meet new people. They can always share new things with you that you couldn't get if you just stayed with your comfort zone. I like to venture out and make friends and do new things. People that don't like to do that, I feel, are too closed and unwilling to experiment and find out. It's scary being here. A brand new place with all these HUGE buildings towering above. Scattering around like ants looking for classes. In Houston, we have big buildings and classes too, but, everything is so familiar there. I miss it, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere but here right now. I love the new atmosphere and environment UT provides. There are so many things to do. I'm enjoying it a lot. Maybe that's why I don't really feel a whole lot of stress with the new classes and deadlines and everything. I guess in happy here and that's what's most important to me. All the other things I can deal with as long as I'm feeling good. ",Emotions: Relief,"I'm really use to writing for long periods of time straight and not stop. I keep a little diary myself and write my thoughts and feelings down whenever they overwhelm me. I suppose it's some sort of stress release because I always feel better afterwards. Writing in my diary has allowed me to express my feelings and emotions onto paper. This way, it's easy for me to look at it and then maybe figure out how I am to deal with the emotions. Some things I write about are problems with my relationships with other people. One entry I wrote just recently was about a problem with this guy. There was just so much pressure on me from this guy that liked me that I couldn't really stand it anymore. He told me he liked me, and I suppose he expected me to just like him back. Don't get me wrong, he is a good friend of mine. Maybe that's why it was so hard. But anyways, I was able to express my contained feelings into my diary. It really did help a lot. When I first heard of this assignment on writing for 20 minutes straight without stopping I thought to myself ""wow, this will be fun"". My roommate, on the other hand groaned and said she would never be able to do something like that. She says there's just not that much to write about. I told her how she could just write bout her day or whatever. 20 minutes goes by pretty quickly if you think about it. It's already been about 5 minutes since I started. I'm typing kind of fast. I suppose it's the flow of the words. Since there's no really structure on this assignment, I can write without thinking too much. I had a pretty harsh day today. Didn't set my alarm clock, thus I woke up 10 minutes before my first class started. And my teacher Is a real stickler for this timing thing. She wants us in our seats and ready to go by the time class starts. That is usually what I would do, but today, I really couldn't do much about that. I hate walking into class late. There's only about 500 zillion people that look at you when you walk in. And you know what they're thinking, ""man, SHE's late"". I don't like that feeling. Well after the lecture (which I understood very well) I had to go back home because I hadn't brushed my teeth or anything yet. The whole way back I was thinking, ""man. it's too early in the year to be starting this"". But I got over it. Told my friends and laughed at it for a little bit. That's one of the reasons I love having my old friends here at UT. There's always someone there for you. It's like bringing a little bit of home with you. I live with one of my old friends from high school and she's an awesome roommate. Her boyfriend is also one of my good friends. And his roommate is the guy that I mentioned earlier. that likes me. Then I have many other old friends that are hear with me, and it just makes me feel more safe and comfortable. But I know I need to make other friends and I do. I like to just talk to people I don't know. You know that old rule ""never talk to strangers?"" Well, I don't follow that one too well. It's always nice to meet new people. They can always share new things with you that you couldn't get if you just stayed with your comfort zone. I like to venture out and make friends and do new things. People that don't like to do that, I feel, are too closed and unwilling to experiment and find out. It's scary being here. A brand new place with all these HUGE buildings towering above. Scattering around like ants looking for classes. In Houston, we have big buildings and classes too, but, everything is so familiar there. I miss it, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere but here right now. I love the new atmosphere and environment UT provides. There are so many things to do. I'm enjoying it a lot. Maybe that's why I don't really feel a whole lot of stress with the new classes and deadlines and everything. I guess in happy here and that's what's most important to me. All the other things I can deal with as long as I'm feeling good. ",Emotions,Relief
1999_673541.txt,"Right now I am feeling very stressed out with all of the work and reading that my professors have given me. In my Language of the Stage class my teacher gave my about 60 pages to read and take notes from and we have to discuss the reading this Friday. It has alredy taken me a good long while to take notes on the first 17 pages. I don't know how I am going to read the rest. I am almost thinking that I should just not do it but if I did that I would feel very guilty about myself for not doing it. So I think that I am going to be pulling an all nighter trying to finish reading and taking noes on the materials. I just think that the work he put on us is a little harsh. That is a lot of work. Now my best friend from home was going to come stay with me one night this weekend. I was so excited because I haven't seen her since we both left for school, but now she is not coming but all of her friends that go to school with her now are going to come. I am so upset because I really wanted to see her. She is going back home to see her family instead. I know that she wanted to come stay with me but she just couldn't but I really wanted her here because I know that we would have had so much fun together and I wanted her to meet all of my friends. Oh well, I know that she will come to see me soon I hope. Well so far I have had a really good time here at school. I have become friends with a lot of cool people and my sister is here also. The only problem is that I have been going ouit almost every single night and it is really wearing me down. It's like I wnat to make good grades in school but I also want to go out and meet new people. I am also a Pi Phi here and so there is always something we have to do during the week. I really need to cut back on going out all the time and try to get some good sleep. I also need to start working out again because I don't want to gain weight and I am really afraid about that. I also want to work out just so that I feel good about myself and feel like I have done something productive for the day. I hate feeling like a slob and that is what I have felt like lately. Well I am having so much fun but I really miss my friends that aren't here. Only a couple of my friends are here but I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know everyone even though it can be hard when you don't know many people already. ",Emotions: Excitement,"Right now I am feeling very stressed out with all of the work and reading that my professors have given me. In my Language of the Stage class my teacher gave my about 60 pages to read and take notes from and we have to discuss the reading this Friday. It has alredy taken me a good long while to take notes on the first 17 pages. I don't know how I am going to read the rest. I am almost thinking that I should just not do it but if I did that I would feel very guilty about myself for not doing it. So I think that I am going to be pulling an all nighter trying to finish reading and taking noes on the materials. I just think that the work he put on us is a little harsh. That is a lot of work. Now my best friend from home was going to come stay with me one night this weekend. I was so excited because I haven't seen her since we both left for school, but now she is not coming but all of her friends that go to school with her now are going to come. I am so upset because I really wanted to see her. She is going back home to see her family instead. I know that she wanted to come stay with me but she just couldn't but I really wanted her here because I know that we would have had so much fun together and I wanted her to meet all of my friends. Oh well, I know that she will come to see me soon I hope. Well so far I have had a really good time here at school. I have become friends with a lot of cool people and my sister is here also. The only problem is that I have been going ouit almost every single night and it is really wearing me down. It's like I wnat to make good grades in school but I also want to go out and meet new people. I am also a Pi Phi here and so there is always something we have to do during the week. I really need to cut back on going out all the time and try to get some good sleep. I also need to start working out again because I don't want to gain weight and I am really afraid about that. I also want to work out just so that I feel good about myself and feel like I have done something productive for the day. I hate feeling like a slob and that is what I have felt like lately. Well I am having so much fun but I really miss my friends that aren't here. Only a couple of my friends are here but I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know everyone even though it can be hard when you don't know many people already. ",Emotions,Excitement
1999_065414.txt,"I'm just wondering how everything is going to work out, I mean, how is my relationship going to work out if she's in Cali and I'm in TExas. Well, I guess it shouldn't matter that much cause I should be thinking about school. Damn, this place gives me the creeps. No one that I can really talk to. How is anyone going to survive here. Gosh, I miss my baby. Am I making the right choices here in classes?  Am I making the right choices in my relationship?  I mean, if it doesn't work out, then what am I going to do?  My relationship . man, I'm confused. This place is big. This university is big. How am I going to stand out?  I haven't met any new friends, not very many. My room mate also sucks. I have no money. That's another thing, how am I going to survive financially?  How am I to get enough money to support my college tuition?  Mom and dad can't provide the whole thing and financial aid won't cover it all. How am I to make up the rest of the money?  And if I do get a job, how am I to balance my job and school at the same time. Gee, and how come I keep thinking of my girlfriend?  Damn, everything goes back to her. I can't believe the time I spend thinking of her. This is hopeless. I can't believe I'm even doing this relationship thing. Damn, my head hurts. I hope I'm doing this assignment right. If not, then I'm in trouble. what a way  to start out college. Man, I have a headache. I wonder if I'm dying. Ha, I wonder if I'm dying all the time. I wonder if I make myself sick by thinking about that so much?  I hope I don't get fat. I hope this college thing doesn't' make me fat and I hope that this whole college thing works out. I don't want to waste anymore of my parent's money. I don't even know what I'm doing here in college. I don't know what I want to be, what I want to do, or how the future's going to be like. Maybe I'm scaring myself. I think about this stuff too much when I should be out doing something about it. I feel so lazy and so useless. So insignificant. Is this what the real world going to be like?  Am I going to be another insignificant person?  Gosh, my head hurts. Everyone in this room looks dead. Everyone looks like they've been drained of their energy. Man, it's been only 14 minutes and I am writing a bunch of crap. Ha, I guess this is stream of conscience writing huh?  I guess it means to just talk to yourself. How come I don't see any familiar faces?  No one here is a familiar face to me. I thought I knew a lot of people but damn, I know no one. I hope things get better. I don't think I can stand much more of this. I want to go home for a while. Jester's food is getting old and I miss my parents. I just miss having nothing to do. Maybe I'm just lazy, I don't know. I can't keep thinking like this. I'm not lazy. Think positive buddy. Ha, I'm talking to myself again. I wonder what the professor's going to think about this paper?  Oh well, out of 500 some odd students in a class, I don't' think anyone's going to get to this paper. See what I mean?  InsignificantF!!!  Why so pessimistic Hai?  Damn, what happened to the old you?  I guess things change huh?  I guess things are never going to be the same. Didn't you say you wanted to go to college to get away from it all?  Didn't you say that you wanted to start over?  HEre's your chance buddy. Take the risk. BE yourself. Meet people. Make yourself a significant part of something. Don't just dissapear. oh, times up. ",Social Awareness: Self-criticism,"I'm just wondering how everything is going to work out, I mean, how is my relationship going to work out if she's in Cali and I'm in TExas. Well, I guess it shouldn't matter that much cause I should be thinking about school. Damn, this place gives me the creeps. No one that I can really talk to. How is anyone going to survive here. Gosh, I miss my baby. Am I making the right choices here in classes?  Am I making the right choices in my relationship?  I mean, if it doesn't work out, then what am I going to do?  My relationship . man, I'm confused. This place is big. This university is big. How am I going to stand out?  I haven't met any new friends, not very many. My room mate also sucks. I have no money. That's another thing, how am I going to survive financially?  How am I to get enough money to support my college tuition?  Mom and dad can't provide the whole thing and financial aid won't cover it all. How am I to make up the rest of the money?  And if I do get a job, how am I to balance my job and school at the same time. Gee, and how come I keep thinking of my girlfriend?  Damn, everything goes back to her. I can't believe the time I spend thinking of her. This is hopeless. I can't believe I'm even doing this relationship thing. Damn, my head hurts. I hope I'm doing this assignment right. If not, then I'm in trouble. what a way  to start out college. Man, I have a headache. I wonder if I'm dying. Ha, I wonder if I'm dying all the time. I wonder if I make myself sick by thinking about that so much?  I hope I don't get fat. I hope this college thing doesn't' make me fat and I hope that this whole college thing works out. I don't want to waste anymore of my parent's money. I don't even know what I'm doing here in college. I don't know what I want to be, what I want to do, or how the future's going to be like. Maybe I'm scaring myself. I think about this stuff too much when I should be out doing something about it. I feel so lazy and so useless. So insignificant. Is this what the real world going to be like?  Am I going to be another insignificant person?  Gosh, my head hurts. Everyone in this room looks dead. Everyone looks like they've been drained of their energy. Man, it's been only 14 minutes and I am writing a bunch of crap. Ha, I guess this is stream of conscience writing huh?  I guess it means to just talk to yourself. How come I don't see any familiar faces?  No one here is a familiar face to me. I thought I knew a lot of people but damn, I know no one. I hope things get better. I don't think I can stand much more of this. I want to go home for a while. Jester's food is getting old and I miss my parents. I just miss having nothing to do. Maybe I'm just lazy, I don't know. I can't keep thinking like this. I'm not lazy. Think positive buddy. Ha, I'm talking to myself again. I wonder what the professor's going to think about this paper?  Oh well, out of 500 some odd students in a class, I don't' think anyone's going to get to this paper. See what I mean?  InsignificantF!!!  Why so pessimistic Hai?  Damn, what happened to the old you?  I guess things change huh?  I guess things are never going to be the same. Didn't you say you wanted to go to college to get away from it all?  Didn't you say that you wanted to start over?  HEre's your chance buddy. Take the risk. BE yourself. Meet people. Make yourself a significant part of something. Don't just dissapear. oh, times up. ",Social Awareness,Self-criticism
1997_935249.txt,I'm wondering how long it's going to take me to find a girl I really like and if girls look at me as cute or a skinny dork. I miss my dog and the country life I use to live in. I'm scared of not making the baseball team and not completing my goal of pitching in the majors. I'm pissed off at my parents for not getting me a new car for graduation. I'm wondering if people act like they're cool with me when I'm around and make fun of me when I leave. I wish I had perfect teeth so I wouldn't have to get braces. I'm wondering if I'll ever forget my first love and if she'll ever forget me. I wonder why people look down on pot smokers even though their parents probably did it. I wonder when I'm a upper classman if girls will want me more and if I'll look different. ,Emotions: Anxiety,I'm wondering how long it's going to take me to find a girl I really like and if girls look at me as cute or a skinny dork. I miss my dog and the country life I use to live in. I'm scared of not making the baseball team and not completing my goal of pitching in the majors. I'm pissed off at my parents for not getting me a new car for graduation. I'm wondering if people act like they're cool with me when I'm around and make fun of me when I leave. I wish I had perfect teeth so I wouldn't have to get braces. I'm wondering if I'll ever forget my first love and if she'll ever forget me. I wonder why people look down on pot smokers even though their parents probably did it. I wonder when I'm a upper classman if girls will want me more and if I'll look different. ,Emotions,Anxiety
2000_878834.txt,"Okay. I don't really know what to write. being timed really makes me nervous no matter what I have to do. I have to study for Chemistry. and my roommate is standing over my shoulder. which makes me even more nervous! Ahh! Hmm, what am I going to become when I grow up? I don't know if I have what it takes to become a doctor! And my dad wants me to become an architect now! Oh geeze. I think I'm just going to have to give this all to the Lord. Oh Lord! Anyway, there's so many things I have to do. but all I really want to do is nothing. isn't that a classic? I feel like I'm getting fatter, and I know that I shouldn't be worrying about getting fat since most people consider me average and say that I'm already skinny enough, but I think that being in a ballet company my Jr. year of High School really messed up my mind. They told me to lose 5 lbs or more, and now I'm always so concerned about my weight. Ahh, I love ballet, but I don't think I'll ever want to really become a professional ballerina. even though my ballet teacher really really wants me too! I'm really hungry right now. I want to eat some more Mexican food. Mmm. Mexican food. too bad there's nothing good to eat in the fridge downstairs. bummer. Oh Lord help me! I think I'm starting to get really homesick now; I miss my mommy and my daddy. But most of all, I miss my brother! I want to go to California! I want a big cold front to come in soon. I can't stand this hot humid weather anymore. even though I'm used to it (since I'm from Houston). My back hurts. I think it's from trying to work out on my roommate's torso track. Actually, every part of my body hurts right now. I wish someone in the house knew how to give really good massages right now because I could really go for one right about now. I'm dead tired too. but I can't go to sleep since I have to study for my stupid Chemistry quiz tomorrow. Ughghh. I hate Chemistry so much! And what makes it suck even more is that I'm such a terrible student. I wish I was diligent with my studies and all, but I just can't seem to manage my time right! And I can never seem to set my priorities straight! Oh Lord! I'm such a failure! I have so many weaknesses and shortcomings it's awful. Is my time up yet? Oh darn. I still have a ways to go! I want to go to sleep! My eyelids are drooping. I guess I should have been smart and done this a little earlier. but like I said I don't manage my time efficiently. I wonder if the person reading this is actually reading this carefully or just breezing by it to see if I actually did the assignment and put some effort into it. Do you call this effort? Because it is. it really is. I think I'll go to the architecture library tomorrow. hmm. I hope that cute guy's there! Ha! (like I'm going to do anything really. I'm actually really well preserved. I'm a preserved vessel never dated, never gone to a party, never done drugs, smoked, drank. never done any of that stuff. and it's all because I love the Lord, and I want to be ""well pleasing in His eyes"". therefore, I must present my body as a ""living sacrifice to Him"" because. it should no longer be "" I who live, but Christ who liveth in me"") Oh. I'm so ready to stop now! I want to go shopping! But I feel so poor! I am poor actually. I don't have any money. and neither does the rest of my family. We live on scraps. I guess you could say! I'm so glad we could afford to send me to college! But my brother and sister will have to slave to help finance my way through these 4 years. Oh Lord! Yea! My time's up!  ",Emotions: Excitement,"Okay. I don't really know what to write. being timed really makes me nervous no matter what I have to do. I have to study for Chemistry. and my roommate is standing over my shoulder. which makes me even more nervous! Ahh! Hmm, what am I going to become when I grow up? I don't know if I have what it takes to become a doctor! And my dad wants me to become an architect now! Oh geeze. I think I'm just going to have to give this all to the Lord. Oh Lord! Anyway, there's so many things I have to do. but all I really want to do is nothing. isn't that a classic? I feel like I'm getting fatter, and I know that I shouldn't be worrying about getting fat since most people consider me average and say that I'm already skinny enough, but I think that being in a ballet company my Jr. year of High School really messed up my mind. They told me to lose 5 lbs or more, and now I'm always so concerned about my weight. Ahh, I love ballet, but I don't think I'll ever want to really become a professional ballerina. even though my ballet teacher really really wants me too! I'm really hungry right now. I want to eat some more Mexican food. Mmm. Mexican food. too bad there's nothing good to eat in the fridge downstairs. bummer. Oh Lord help me! I think I'm starting to get really homesick now; I miss my mommy and my daddy. But most of all, I miss my brother! I want to go to California! I want a big cold front to come in soon. I can't stand this hot humid weather anymore. even though I'm used to it (since I'm from Houston). My back hurts. I think it's from trying to work out on my roommate's torso track. Actually, every part of my body hurts right now. I wish someone in the house knew how to give really good massages right now because I could really go for one right about now. I'm dead tired too. but I can't go to sleep since I have to study for my stupid Chemistry quiz tomorrow. Ughghh. I hate Chemistry so much! And what makes it suck even more is that I'm such a terrible student. I wish I was diligent with my studies and all, but I just can't seem to manage my time right! And I can never seem to set my priorities straight! Oh Lord! I'm such a failure! I have so many weaknesses and shortcomings it's awful. Is my time up yet? Oh darn. I still have a ways to go! I want to go to sleep! My eyelids are drooping. I guess I should have been smart and done this a little earlier. but like I said I don't manage my time efficiently. I wonder if the person reading this is actually reading this carefully or just breezing by it to see if I actually did the assignment and put some effort into it. Do you call this effort? Because it is. it really is. I think I'll go to the architecture library tomorrow. hmm. I hope that cute guy's there! Ha! (like I'm going to do anything really. I'm actually really well preserved. I'm a preserved vessel never dated, never gone to a party, never done drugs, smoked, drank. never done any of that stuff. and it's all because I love the Lord, and I want to be ""well pleasing in His eyes"". therefore, I must present my body as a ""living sacrifice to Him"" because. it should no longer be "" I who live, but Christ who liveth in me"") Oh. I'm so ready to stop now! I want to go shopping! But I feel so poor! I am poor actually. I don't have any money. and neither does the rest of my family. We live on scraps. I guess you could say! I'm so glad we could afford to send me to college! But my brother and sister will have to slave to help finance my way through these 4 years. Oh Lord! Yea! My time's up!  ",Emotions,Excitement
2004_257.txt,"     well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students!  so why am I here?  Am I anywhere better than them?  Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people?  what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell?  hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing?  I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here?  Or is it something else?  Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that?  What am I searching for?  Trying to reach a perfect life?  I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first ""friend"" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they?  People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom?  What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation?  Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles?  I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture!  That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!!  And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid. ",Social Awareness: Cultural Differences,"     well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students!  so why am I here?  Am I anywhere better than them?  Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people?  what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell?  hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing?  I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here?  Or is it something else?  Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that?  What am I searching for?  Trying to reach a perfect life?  I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first ""friend"" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they?  People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom?  What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation?  Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles?  I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture!  That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!!  And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid. ",Social Awareness,Cultural Differences
2000_914317.txt,"Well, I suppose since this is a stream of consciousness exercise I will just say whatever is on my mind, which at the moment happens to be how incredibly horrible this past weekend was. But, let's back up and get the basics down. For graduation, my grandparents promised to buy me a new computer. New, being the operative word. So they told me to go find one that I liked and tell them where it was. My mother and I went out and looked at computers and found a nice setup that included a printer for about $1500. We thought that sounded reasonable, so we informed my grandparents of the computer's location and they said it sounded good. HOWEVER, they went to see my Uncle's family in Dallas for my cousin's birthday and decided to go a cheaper route and not buy a namebrand computer. So I ended up with this piece of crap that keeps shutting down on me. My Dad has been freaking out for the past two weeks how he knew all along we should have gotten a different computer in the first place and how my grandparents always go the cheaper route even when it means less quality and now my entire college career is jeopardized because I cannot get online. So I spent Saturday messing with my computer, trying to reinstall stuff to see if it was a software problem. It wasn't. My Uncle drove in from Dallas on Sunday and took Windows off, reinstalled it, deleted my C drive (which is a big deal), then created a new one and repartitioned it, Everything SEEMED to work for a brief period of time before my computer decided to do one more mad little dance of irony and shut itself down. Now I am stuck with a computer that doesn't even partially compute and my Dad has to come pick it up to take it to some store called ""Computer Doctor"" and meanwhile he's still ranting about how he was right all along and my Mother should talk my grandparents into getting me a new computer, and if they don't how my parents should because if they don't I'm going to flunk because after all everything is online nowadays, etc. So I wasted my weekend sitting up in my room with my family when I could have been in the music room practicing. And I'm a music major, not computer science, so the music building is where I should be. But my mother wouldn't let me go to the music building because she wanted me to be around while they were messing with my computer. So I didn't practice AT ALL this weekend when my professor says I should practice 4 hours a day at least, and I just got a bunch of new music and now I'm totally screwed for my lesson on Friday. I also am having trouble in my music theory class because my teacher never bothered to tell me what an augmented interval or a diminished interval is, and they expect us to learn this stuff in one night, and since we have the class everyday, it's not like we can procrastinate at all. It's very frustrating. or maybe it's just me. I don't know. All I know is that I haven't even typed for ten minutes yet and I'm still complaining. It's not like I usually procrastinate about anything anyway. I mean, I was valedictorian of my high school, I think I know something about time management. Although, being valedictorian of my school was no terrible feat. I went to all the parties and pulled all the typical high school stunts, and had the highest number of ""unexcused absences"" you could have without being held back. And I wrote my speech at three in the morning the day of graduation. So I guess I know a little about procrastination anyway. But I had a reason for waiting that long really! When it was certain that I was going to be valedictorian, everybody started giving me tips, like they knew what they were talking about. ""Don't make it too long, I'll pay you five dollars to say my name, don't make it too boring. I don't want to sit through some damn boring speech. "" Even friends' parents were giving me tips. Everybody wanted to know what I was going to say, so I just didn't even try to come up with anything until the last minute, so I wouldn't have anything to tell them. Most people like me speech I guess. I worked in a favorite quote of mine by Theodore Roosevelt about how the real cowards are the ones who never try. It's a really encouraging quote, and I always used to repeat it to myself when I went to violin auditions because I am an extremely nervous performer. I also used to repeat that thing from Dune by Frank Herbert that the main character Paul used to say ""I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. "" etc, etc. It always sort of helped me get a grip on myself I guess which I need because I'm a very insecure person. And I'm sure that my typing is annoying my roommate right now because I have to use her computer and she's trying to sleep and her computer is right by where her head is on her bed. It's only 12:34 though, and she always goes to sleep around midnight which I think is weird. But then I'm an insomniac and I can never sleep anyway, so I'm usually up until about three. I also am a coffee addict. have been since the age of seven. I think it usually surprises people that I've been drinking coffee so long, but my Dad used to drink at least a pot a day, to that was a drink that was always available. You'd think it would have stunted my growth, but I'm 5'7"". Then again, my brother is only 15 and he's 5'9"", so maybe I would have been taller. Maybe not. I sort of like my height. Hmm, I've got two minutes to go, and I lost my train of thought, so I guess I'll just keep typing until something comes to me. Oh, I'm listening to the soundtrack from ""Schindler's List"" right now. I totally love that movie and the music makes me cry. Music always makes me emotional, but this cd is played by Itzhak Perlman whom I personally feel is the greatest violinist in the world, although Joshua Bell, who did the soundtrack for the ""Red Violin"" is also really good, but younger so he doesn't have as much experience. I'm sure he will be so much better when he's older though. Well, it's been twenty minutes. It was interesting. a little personal odyssey of the mind there. Bye! ",Thinking styles: Reflective,"Well, I suppose since this is a stream of consciousness exercise I will just say whatever is on my mind, which at the moment happens to be how incredibly horrible this past weekend was. But, let's back up and get the basics down. For graduation, my grandparents promised to buy me a new computer. New, being the operative word. So they told me to go find one that I liked and tell them where it was. My mother and I went out and looked at computers and found a nice setup that included a printer for about $1500. We thought that sounded reasonable, so we informed my grandparents of the computer's location and they said it sounded good. HOWEVER, they went to see my Uncle's family in Dallas for my cousin's birthday and decided to go a cheaper route and not buy a namebrand computer. So I ended up with this piece of crap that keeps shutting down on me. My Dad has been freaking out for the past two weeks how he knew all along we should have gotten a different computer in the first place and how my grandparents always go the cheaper route even when it means less quality and now my entire college career is jeopardized because I cannot get online. So I spent Saturday messing with my computer, trying to reinstall stuff to see if it was a software problem. It wasn't. My Uncle drove in from Dallas on Sunday and took Windows off, reinstalled it, deleted my C drive (which is a big deal), then created a new one and repartitioned it, Everything SEEMED to work for a brief period of time before my computer decided to do one more mad little dance of irony and shut itself down. Now I am stuck with a computer that doesn't even partially compute and my Dad has to come pick it up to take it to some store called ""Computer Doctor"" and meanwhile he's still ranting about how he was right all along and my Mother should talk my grandparents into getting me a new computer, and if they don't how my parents should because if they don't I'm going to flunk because after all everything is online nowadays, etc. So I wasted my weekend sitting up in my room with my family when I could have been in the music room practicing. And I'm a music major, not computer science, so the music building is where I should be. But my mother wouldn't let me go to the music building because she wanted me to be around while they were messing with my computer. So I didn't practice AT ALL this weekend when my professor says I should practice 4 hours a day at least, and I just got a bunch of new music and now I'm totally screwed for my lesson on Friday. I also am having trouble in my music theory class because my teacher never bothered to tell me what an augmented interval or a diminished interval is, and they expect us to learn this stuff in one night, and since we have the class everyday, it's not like we can procrastinate at all. It's very frustrating. or maybe it's just me. I don't know. All I know is that I haven't even typed for ten minutes yet and I'm still complaining. It's not like I usually procrastinate about anything anyway. I mean, I was valedictorian of my high school, I think I know something about time management. Although, being valedictorian of my school was no terrible feat. I went to all the parties and pulled all the typical high school stunts, and had the highest number of ""unexcused absences"" you could have without being held back. And I wrote my speech at three in the morning the day of graduation. So I guess I know a little about procrastination anyway. But I had a reason for waiting that long really! When it was certain that I was going to be valedictorian, everybody started giving me tips, like they knew what they were talking about. ""Don't make it too long, I'll pay you five dollars to say my name, don't make it too boring. I don't want to sit through some damn boring speech. "" Even friends' parents were giving me tips. Everybody wanted to know what I was going to say, so I just didn't even try to come up with anything until the last minute, so I wouldn't have anything to tell them. Most people like me speech I guess. I worked in a favorite quote of mine by Theodore Roosevelt about how the real cowards are the ones who never try. It's a really encouraging quote, and I always used to repeat it to myself when I went to violin auditions because I am an extremely nervous performer. I also used to repeat that thing from Dune by Frank Herbert that the main character Paul used to say ""I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. "" etc, etc. It always sort of helped me get a grip on myself I guess which I need because I'm a very insecure person. And I'm sure that my typing is annoying my roommate right now because I have to use her computer and she's trying to sleep and her computer is right by where her head is on her bed. It's only 12:34 though, and she always goes to sleep around midnight which I think is weird. But then I'm an insomniac and I can never sleep anyway, so I'm usually up until about three. I also am a coffee addict. have been since the age of seven. I think it usually surprises people that I've been drinking coffee so long, but my Dad used to drink at least a pot a day, to that was a drink that was always available. You'd think it would have stunted my growth, but I'm 5'7"". Then again, my brother is only 15 and he's 5'9"", so maybe I would have been taller. Maybe not. I sort of like my height. Hmm, I've got two minutes to go, and I lost my train of thought, so I guess I'll just keep typing until something comes to me. Oh, I'm listening to the soundtrack from ""Schindler's List"" right now. I totally love that movie and the music makes me cry. Music always makes me emotional, but this cd is played by Itzhak Perlman whom I personally feel is the greatest violinist in the world, although Joshua Bell, who did the soundtrack for the ""Red Violin"" is also really good, but younger so he doesn't have as much experience. I'm sure he will be so much better when he's older though. Well, it's been twenty minutes. It was interesting. a little personal odyssey of the mind there. Bye! ",Thinking styles,Reflective
2000_457131.txt,"streaming thoughts. hard with aol open, closed. music playing. wonder if this impacts writing. of course it does. cold hands. why is this room so cold. wonder what its like outside. hopefully not as hot as before, it would feel good though. I like this keyboard. track change. dig this mix. reverb. bass. beat. dark room, but I hate fluorescent lights. horrible. this is hard to do. thoughts come and go before I can trace them. highway. like cars going by on a highway, fleeting. synthesizer, chord, nice. voice, repeating. strange. I wonder why economics was canceled today. no professor? sick? I need to read. fifteen minutes to go? I've hardly written anything. don't tell me my mind is this empty. email arrives. pointless, I'm sure. 303s are cool, who made them. want to hear the first song using a 303. wish I could get this working. where's the beat, key change. okay. what are these things sitting here. fists outstretched with a spiral on the stomach? someone was high when they designed these. individually wrapped. single serving. film club meeting tonight. ahh free food, hopefully not pizza. need to see a movie. yes. so much money to be spent. 10 minutes it looks like, well at least I'm consistent. underworld. neat notes. this would be hard in silence. easier to work with music for some reason. cymbals. going home Friday. hot weather. how cold will it get. were humans meant to live in texas. air conditioning changed the world. funny. sweaty fat guys with tool belts make most of the world livable. irony. age of empires. a time with anarchy before 18 years of predetermined schooling. talent squashed with mindless work before it has a chance to develop. what are we doing. who can fix it, everyone takes it for granted. why am I arguing this. I'd like to argue this someday. humans haven't been around forever. feet are cold now, I really need to get out. pop quizzes, I hope not. no projects, thank god. need to read though. club element tonight? fifteen bucks. might be cool. what type of crowd is it though. bassline bassline. is this trance? I like ltj bukem though. there's the beat, how cool. who is this. I'd like to make a track like this. dust. damn this room gets dusty. need to wipe the fixtures. I love black lights. mix it. put that away. hunger, lots of walking. lots of sleep. too much. can't wake up at one every day. why didn't the highpoint controllers work. its almost time. watch the computer crash. who reads this? white room. ",Emotions: Calmness,"streaming thoughts. hard with aol open, closed. music playing. wonder if this impacts writing. of course it does. cold hands. why is this room so cold. wonder what its like outside. hopefully not as hot as before, it would feel good though. I like this keyboard. track change. dig this mix. reverb. bass. beat. dark room, but I hate fluorescent lights. horrible. this is hard to do. thoughts come and go before I can trace them. highway. like cars going by on a highway, fleeting. synthesizer, chord, nice. voice, repeating. strange. I wonder why economics was canceled today. no professor? sick? I need to read. fifteen minutes to go? I've hardly written anything. don't tell me my mind is this empty. email arrives. pointless, I'm sure. 303s are cool, who made them. want to hear the first song using a 303. wish I could get this working. where's the beat, key change. okay. what are these things sitting here. fists outstretched with a spiral on the stomach? someone was high when they designed these. individually wrapped. single serving. film club meeting tonight. ahh free food, hopefully not pizza. need to see a movie. yes. so much money to be spent. 10 minutes it looks like, well at least I'm consistent. underworld. neat notes. this would be hard in silence. easier to work with music for some reason. cymbals. going home Friday. hot weather. how cold will it get. were humans meant to live in texas. air conditioning changed the world. funny. sweaty fat guys with tool belts make most of the world livable. irony. age of empires. a time with anarchy before 18 years of predetermined schooling. talent squashed with mindless work before it has a chance to develop. what are we doing. who can fix it, everyone takes it for granted. why am I arguing this. I'd like to argue this someday. humans haven't been around forever. feet are cold now, I really need to get out. pop quizzes, I hope not. no projects, thank god. need to read though. club element tonight? fifteen bucks. might be cool. what type of crowd is it though. bassline bassline. is this trance? I like ltj bukem though. there's the beat, how cool. who is this. I'd like to make a track like this. dust. damn this room gets dusty. need to wipe the fixtures. I love black lights. mix it. put that away. hunger, lots of walking. lots of sleep. too much. can't wake up at one every day. why didn't the highpoint controllers work. its almost time. watch the computer crash. who reads this? white room. ",Emotions,Calmness
1997_511579.txt,"Yuck, what a cruddy day. I had to go to 4 hours of classes and then I had to wait 30 minutes for the freaking bus to pick us up. Then I had to stand up for most of the ride home. And it was really hot on the bus. Luckily today wasn't too hot outside though. I saw on the news that we are expecting some rain and cooler weather. That's good. I guess. I don't know about the rain part though. I hope I can find my umbrella. I hope I didn't lose it when I moved up here. I live in a really neat apartment now. I like it a lot. And my roommate is really nice too. I was kind of worried about that. I transferred here from A&M this semester. I like it here. But it's not really any different than in College Station. Just bigger. My classes aren't any harder so far. I hate calculus. I'm usually pretty good at math. I think it's also because my TA that teaches our discussion is horrible. He hardly speaks English and doesn't know what he's doing at all. Of course I don’t' really know what I'm doing at all either but. Wow 20 minutes is a long time. Lots of random stuff kind of floats through your head. Like the fact that I can see that I have email and I really want to check it. I just checked it before I started writing, I guess somebody wrote back. I wonder who. Probably Amy. Amy was supposed to transfer this year too and be my roommate but she forgot to send in her transcript. She's kind of spacey about stuff like that. But she's like the sweetest person I know. Actually I don't really know a lot of people here. That's kind of sad considering I knew practically everyone at my high school and I had a lot of friends at A&M. My roommate at A&M just rushed a sorority this year. Neither one of us rushed last year. I'm happy for her. I wonder if I should’ve rushed this year. Then I’d know more people. But my boyfriend goes to school here. But he doesn’t know that many people here either. The year just started so I guess I'll meet more people as it goes by. I need to go workout tonight. I haven't worked out really well in a few days. I feel much better and more relaxed after I work out. I'm still feeling kind of stressed after my gross day. I have a lot of homework to do and a lot of other things on my list. I always make lists. I wonder what that says about a persons personality. I'm really organized and like to plan things. Maybe that's part of it. Strange. I wanted to plan a trip to go tubing in San Marcos before school started but we never got around to it. I hate how my boyfriend makes fun of me and says that I never plan anything. I know he's just kidding, but it gets on my nerves. He just doesn't understand I guess. Wow I just got a weird flashback of high school. I was a cheerleader and I just thought of some performance we did. I wonder where that came from. My typing has gotten really good over the past year. I used to not be that great. I think all the emailing made me better. I wonder who that email is from?  I haven't seen a lot of the people that I know here. I guess I should call them and get together. I feel like I don't have time though. I have to do homework, and work out and I need time to myself just to vege. Speaking of vegetables, I need to go to the grocery store too. I need vegetables, noodles, rice, chicken, cookies, hmm what else?  Milk. I like milk, especially with my cereal. I need more cereal too. I always want to get pancake mix. yummy. only a few minutes left. That's good because my back-neck-shoulder is starting to hurt from sitting at this computer. I need to get a cable so I can hook up my printer. Not that I need it yet but I should get that taken care of. My mom said she is sending me a package with cookies and candy and my last paycheck from work (lifeguard)and other stuff. that is something to look forward to. I haven't gotten any mail lately. I paid my rent today. through January. I need to call my bank and have them transfer some money form my savings into my checking. or else we could have some problems. but my grandfather is the president of the bank and my aunt is the CEO so I don't think that they'd let me bounce a check. That's going to be a shock when I have to go out and get  a real job and find a real bank. Time's up. Yea!   ",Emotions: Loneliness,"Yuck, what a cruddy day. I had to go to 4 hours of classes and then I had to wait 30 minutes for the freaking bus to pick us up. Then I had to stand up for most of the ride home. And it was really hot on the bus. Luckily today wasn't too hot outside though. I saw on the news that we are expecting some rain and cooler weather. That's good. I guess. I don't know about the rain part though. I hope I can find my umbrella. I hope I didn't lose it when I moved up here. I live in a really neat apartment now. I like it a lot. And my roommate is really nice too. I was kind of worried about that. I transferred here from A&M this semester. I like it here. But it's not really any different than in College Station. Just bigger. My classes aren't any harder so far. I hate calculus. I'm usually pretty good at math. I think it's also because my TA that teaches our discussion is horrible. He hardly speaks English and doesn't know what he's doing at all. Of course I don’t' really know what I'm doing at all either but. Wow 20 minutes is a long time. Lots of random stuff kind of floats through your head. Like the fact that I can see that I have email and I really want to check it. I just checked it before I started writing, I guess somebody wrote back. I wonder who. Probably Amy. Amy was supposed to transfer this year too and be my roommate but she forgot to send in her transcript. She's kind of spacey about stuff like that. But she's like the sweetest person I know. Actually I don't really know a lot of people here. That's kind of sad considering I knew practically everyone at my high school and I had a lot of friends at A&M. My roommate at A&M just rushed a sorority this year. Neither one of us rushed last year. I'm happy for her. I wonder if I should’ve rushed this year. Then I’d know more people. But my boyfriend goes to school here. But he doesn’t know that many people here either. The year just started so I guess I'll meet more people as it goes by. I need to go workout tonight. I haven't worked out really well in a few days. I feel much better and more relaxed after I work out. I'm still feeling kind of stressed after my gross day. I have a lot of homework to do and a lot of other things on my list. I always make lists. I wonder what that says about a persons personality. I'm really organized and like to plan things. Maybe that's part of it. Strange. I wanted to plan a trip to go tubing in San Marcos before school started but we never got around to it. I hate how my boyfriend makes fun of me and says that I never plan anything. I know he's just kidding, but it gets on my nerves. He just doesn't understand I guess. Wow I just got a weird flashback of high school. I was a cheerleader and I just thought of some performance we did. I wonder where that came from. My typing has gotten really good over the past year. I used to not be that great. I think all the emailing made me better. I wonder who that email is from?  I haven't seen a lot of the people that I know here. I guess I should call them and get together. I feel like I don't have time though. I have to do homework, and work out and I need time to myself just to vege. Speaking of vegetables, I need to go to the grocery store too. I need vegetables, noodles, rice, chicken, cookies, hmm what else?  Milk. I like milk, especially with my cereal. I need more cereal too. I always want to get pancake mix. yummy. only a few minutes left. That's good because my back-neck-shoulder is starting to hurt from sitting at this computer. I need to get a cable so I can hook up my printer. Not that I need it yet but I should get that taken care of. My mom said she is sending me a package with cookies and candy and my last paycheck from work (lifeguard)and other stuff. that is something to look forward to. I haven't gotten any mail lately. I paid my rent today. through January. I need to call my bank and have them transfer some money form my savings into my checking. or else we could have some problems. but my grandfather is the president of the bank and my aunt is the CEO so I don't think that they'd let me bounce a check. That's going to be a shock when I have to go out and get  a real job and find a real bank. Time's up. Yea!   ",Emotions,Loneliness
1998_537522.txt,"I know there's nothing ""wrong"" I can write, but I still feel like whatever I'm writing may not be what they had in mind. It's about 11:20, and I am starving. As soon as I finish this I'll get to go and eat. I just came back from calculus, which is at least a 15 minute walk away from where I am (which is Dobie). I don't think I'm going to learn too much from the professor I have for calculus. He doesn't ever explain what the hell he's trying to do, and, like today when this guy tried to ask him, he almost yelled at him for jumping ahead. It is really frustrating because he first says something and then writes it down verbatim, and it makes me really mad. He wastes so much class time writing down the obvious even after he's said it ten times. I tried taking notes, but I doubt they'll help. I have always loved math, but this is just frustrating. My friend Ashli (who also lives here nad is from my tiny hometown) has a suitemate named Sonia, who had him last year. She said it's horrible. SLhe only knew two people who got an A in his class. She was telling me about how he writes down every little thing, and now I see what she means. She also said his tests are nothing like the homework, so I don't know what to expect. I am so hungry right now. I didn't eat too much this morning, because I never seeem to be hungry when I first wake up. My roommate is really sick. Ithink she has strep throat. Which means it'll only be a matter of daysbefore I get it too. My immune system has never been that good. I know, I know, I never really exercised that much, but I never seem tok have too much energy. My mom always thought I was anemic, but tests show I'm supposedly not. It's so weird how whenever I walk around campus I keep seeing people I know. Well, not really know, but I recognize them from camptexas or orientation or somewhere like that. I usually don't get to know too many people from placeslike that because I tend to be a little on the shy side. People always toldm e I'd outgrow that, but, well, I'm still waiting. In fact if there's onet hing I could change about me, ti'd probably be that. Everyone says you can make yourself  not be shy, but I'm sorry, I don't know how. I've tried and tried, but to no avail. When I'm around a lot of people I know, it's not too bad. Like in high school, I knew everyone in school (it's a small school and we've allb een together since kindergarten) and it was never too bad. I didn't love public speaking or anything where a lot of attention was directly on me, but I was always pretty comfortbale around everyone. But here I feel kind of lonely. My cousin, GArrod, who is a sophomore here, says it was that way for him lst year. I can't even reach one of my older friends here. I don't know what the problem is. And my other friend I called never called back. I don't know if she just didn't get the message, or if she's not calling back because she doesn't want to. My friend Ashli and I spend a lot of time together (we eat together and stuff) but she's already separating form me a little bit. At least we're going to the football game together. I'm looking forward to the game. I miss football. I never eallly appreciated it until I played powder puff last year. I somehow always feel like I'm overlooked because I'm quiet. At lest I hope it's because I'm quiet, and not just because I'm easy to overlook. I'm the youngest in my family, and whenever my older brother would be talking to my mom, she would always listen to him and ignore me, no matter what I was saying, until he left the room. Honestly, they thought because I am younger that whatever I say can't possible be as important as what he's saying. I could be telling her the house is one fire while he was telling her how he drove to town, and she wouldn't listen. Don't get me wrong, she has always been a great mom, but that has always bothered me, maybe more than it shoyuld. I don't really believe in those horoscope things, but sometimes when I have read them (at the end of theday) some eerie things ahave been true. Anyway, I read one of them on the ocmptuer. First of all, I have never been a ""typical"" sagittarius, like the magazines and articles say. They say they're all outgoing, and at times I am painfully shy nad introverted. Well, the one I read on the computer said the way to most hurt my feelings was to ignore me. And, that's true. If one of my friends is a total asshole to me, I will usual forgive them if they will just pay some attentin to me. I don't' think I have too many people in my life that I can count on, and that's really what I need most. I don't know if there's anyway I can fix that, but it's been a long 18 years. This probalby sounds like I'm a manic depressive, but before you call the authorities, let me assure you I'm not. I just don't have very high self esteem at times, and I often feel like I'm all alone in the world. I ahve a fear that I'll never find anyone to love me (like a husband). I don't see how someof  these other people manage to meet tons of guys, while I'm always alone. And most of those girls don't even appreciate them, and I know I would. Maybe it's back to the shyness thing. I really don't know, but I wish whoever did wuold tell me. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I was hoping my classes this smester would help, but I don't know. Part of me wants to go into business, but by the time I get accepted into the business school, I may change my mind again. I'm in the natural sciences thing as an undeclared pre-med right now, but who knows howl ong that will last?  I'm not lazy, but it takes me a hwile to get readjusted into going back to school. And even though I was in two ap classes my senior year and I graduated valedictorian by a long shot, I never had to work TOO hard in school. This stuff just came naturally to me. ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I know there's nothing ""wrong"" I can write, but I still feel like whatever I'm writing may not be what they had in mind. It's about 11:20, and I am starving. As soon as I finish this I'll get to go and eat. I just came back from calculus, which is at least a 15 minute walk away from where I am (which is Dobie). I don't think I'm going to learn too much from the professor I have for calculus. He doesn't ever explain what the hell he's trying to do, and, like today when this guy tried to ask him, he almost yelled at him for jumping ahead. It is really frustrating because he first says something and then writes it down verbatim, and it makes me really mad. He wastes so much class time writing down the obvious even after he's said it ten times. I tried taking notes, but I doubt they'll help. I have always loved math, but this is just frustrating. My friend Ashli (who also lives here nad is from my tiny hometown) has a suitemate named Sonia, who had him last year. She said it's horrible. SLhe only knew two people who got an A in his class. She was telling me about how he writes down every little thing, and now I see what she means. She also said his tests are nothing like the homework, so I don't know what to expect. I am so hungry right now. I didn't eat too much this morning, because I never seeem to be hungry when I first wake up. My roommate is really sick. Ithink she has strep throat. Which means it'll only be a matter of daysbefore I get it too. My immune system has never been that good. I know, I know, I never really exercised that much, but I never seem tok have too much energy. My mom always thought I was anemic, but tests show I'm supposedly not. It's so weird how whenever I walk around campus I keep seeing people I know. Well, not really know, but I recognize them from camptexas or orientation or somewhere like that. I usually don't get to know too many people from placeslike that because I tend to be a little on the shy side. People always toldm e I'd outgrow that, but, well, I'm still waiting. In fact if there's onet hing I could change about me, ti'd probably be that. Everyone says you can make yourself  not be shy, but I'm sorry, I don't know how. I've tried and tried, but to no avail. When I'm around a lot of people I know, it's not too bad. Like in high school, I knew everyone in school (it's a small school and we've allb een together since kindergarten) and it was never too bad. I didn't love public speaking or anything where a lot of attention was directly on me, but I was always pretty comfortbale around everyone. But here I feel kind of lonely. My cousin, GArrod, who is a sophomore here, says it was that way for him lst year. I can't even reach one of my older friends here. I don't know what the problem is. And my other friend I called never called back. I don't know if she just didn't get the message, or if she's not calling back because she doesn't want to. My friend Ashli and I spend a lot of time together (we eat together and stuff) but she's already separating form me a little bit. At least we're going to the football game together. I'm looking forward to the game. I miss football. I never eallly appreciated it until I played powder puff last year. I somehow always feel like I'm overlooked because I'm quiet. At lest I hope it's because I'm quiet, and not just because I'm easy to overlook. I'm the youngest in my family, and whenever my older brother would be talking to my mom, she would always listen to him and ignore me, no matter what I was saying, until he left the room. Honestly, they thought because I am younger that whatever I say can't possible be as important as what he's saying. I could be telling her the house is one fire while he was telling her how he drove to town, and she wouldn't listen. Don't get me wrong, she has always been a great mom, but that has always bothered me, maybe more than it shoyuld. I don't really believe in those horoscope things, but sometimes when I have read them (at the end of theday) some eerie things ahave been true. Anyway, I read one of them on the ocmptuer. First of all, I have never been a ""typical"" sagittarius, like the magazines and articles say. They say they're all outgoing, and at times I am painfully shy nad introverted. Well, the one I read on the computer said the way to most hurt my feelings was to ignore me. And, that's true. If one of my friends is a total asshole to me, I will usual forgive them if they will just pay some attentin to me. I don't' think I have too many people in my life that I can count on, and that's really what I need most. I don't know if there's anyway I can fix that, but it's been a long 18 years. This probalby sounds like I'm a manic depressive, but before you call the authorities, let me assure you I'm not. I just don't have very high self esteem at times, and I often feel like I'm all alone in the world. I ahve a fear that I'll never find anyone to love me (like a husband). I don't see how someof  these other people manage to meet tons of guys, while I'm always alone. And most of those girls don't even appreciate them, and I know I would. Maybe it's back to the shyness thing. I really don't know, but I wish whoever did wuold tell me. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I was hoping my classes this smester would help, but I don't know. Part of me wants to go into business, but by the time I get accepted into the business school, I may change my mind again. I'm in the natural sciences thing as an undeclared pre-med right now, but who knows howl ong that will last?  I'm not lazy, but it takes me a hwile to get readjusted into going back to school. And even though I was in two ap classes my senior year and I graduated valedictorian by a long shot, I never had to work TOO hard in school. This stuff just came naturally to me. ",Emotions,Anxiety
1998_463122.txt,"I wonder if the twenty minutes is what they're grading for because I type so slow they'll probably think I only wrote e for five minutes  I didn't realize the assignments were due today I thought they were due tomorrow, oh well I wonder if that means if I have to9 finish that damn pretest. I guess so          that girl has some funky hair, I can't even type without having to look up    its just like bam!!! in front of me,  I need a computer at home so I don't have to come to the library all the time. I don't get much done at home though so many distractions   what can I make for dinner there s nothing to eat at home, maybe kimchi cheegae  but I made that two times already maybe robert got some groceries,   we need some onion and garlic otherwise I can't really make much   oh shit I need a rice cooker still before I can go and make all this  maybe I'll invite Angela over to eat. yeah I wonder when her classes are even over. yeah I can just tell her to bring her rice cooker over and I'll cook,     she will probably want to eat Korean food anyway because I'm pretty sure that the Dobie food can't be that good. if it is at all like the jester food, that stuff gives me the runs. I don't know  maybe they put supplements in it to reach nutritional guidelines  but whatever it is it is not any good for me. the jester people must get used to it part of their body's way off adapting to a new nutritional source. nutrigrain bars are awesome. I'm so damn hungry. they should have a cafe here in the PCL so those late night studies can have some refreshment lemonade  that's what I want it's funny how me and Angela have so much in common I bet she is thinking lemonade right now. I wonder what Ben thinks of her?   that would be fucked up if they were both lying to me. I guess I just have to trust him. I've known him for so long but sometimes you'd do fucked up things for a girl, I couldn't blame him either because I've done such before also. I regret it of course. this guy told me not to ever regret something you've done because if you keep doing that then it is like you're asking back everything you done in you're life. so you may as well not ever be living it. I didn't even really know him we were just fishing next to each other and ha was old, I wish I could go fishing right now. it relaxes me and all this stuff is stressing me and I need to relax. I guess I could go fishing in freshwater but that can't beat the sun nothing can beat fishing the surf of san Luis pass all night even if you don't catch anything just being there when this sky turns purple then blue then a whole myriad of colors that you can't even describe from yellow to black     and than the sun comes and you make your last couple of casts not even caring really to catch a fish kind of a solute to the sun for thanking whatever you caught or didn't catch for next time.  ok that's been about thirty minutes and I'm going all philosophical I think I'm done ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I wonder if the twenty minutes is what they're grading for because I type so slow they'll probably think I only wrote e for five minutes  I didn't realize the assignments were due today I thought they were due tomorrow, oh well I wonder if that means if I have to9 finish that damn pretest. I guess so          that girl has some funky hair, I can't even type without having to look up    its just like bam!!! in front of me,  I need a computer at home so I don't have to come to the library all the time. I don't get much done at home though so many distractions   what can I make for dinner there s nothing to eat at home, maybe kimchi cheegae  but I made that two times already maybe robert got some groceries,   we need some onion and garlic otherwise I can't really make much   oh shit I need a rice cooker still before I can go and make all this  maybe I'll invite Angela over to eat. yeah I wonder when her classes are even over. yeah I can just tell her to bring her rice cooker over and I'll cook,     she will probably want to eat Korean food anyway because I'm pretty sure that the Dobie food can't be that good. if it is at all like the jester food, that stuff gives me the runs. I don't know  maybe they put supplements in it to reach nutritional guidelines  but whatever it is it is not any good for me. the jester people must get used to it part of their body's way off adapting to a new nutritional source. nutrigrain bars are awesome. I'm so damn hungry. they should have a cafe here in the PCL so those late night studies can have some refreshment lemonade  that's what I want it's funny how me and Angela have so much in common I bet she is thinking lemonade right now. I wonder what Ben thinks of her?   that would be fucked up if they were both lying to me. I guess I just have to trust him. I've known him for so long but sometimes you'd do fucked up things for a girl, I couldn't blame him either because I've done such before also. I regret it of course. this guy told me not to ever regret something you've done because if you keep doing that then it is like you're asking back everything you done in you're life. so you may as well not ever be living it. I didn't even really know him we were just fishing next to each other and ha was old, I wish I could go fishing right now. it relaxes me and all this stuff is stressing me and I need to relax. I guess I could go fishing in freshwater but that can't beat the sun nothing can beat fishing the surf of san Luis pass all night even if you don't catch anything just being there when this sky turns purple then blue then a whole myriad of colors that you can't even describe from yellow to black     and than the sun comes and you make your last couple of casts not even caring really to catch a fish kind of a solute to the sun for thanking whatever you caught or didn't catch for next time.  ok that's been about thirty minutes and I'm going all philosophical I think I'm done ",Emotions,Anxiety
2003_511.txt,"how to begin, I have started writing my stream of consciousness paper and now I'm trying to think its hard to think when your are asked to think about thought or your own thought why I feel this is a strange assignment o well I don't smell much right now but I hear the tv which I fixed last night I did a pretty good job even though I still have an extra screw left I'm watching scooby doo its very funny to watch now the commercials are on which I hate its 3 11 tonight I'm going out to eat and to the book store with my friends and maybe to an art museum I'm glad I get to get off campus the football game and weekend start tomorrow I'm excited to see the texas arkansas game as the season progresses the competition will become harder the band is a neat experience I have always liked marching and now I get to do it for a very widely known organization its a lot of fun I have only been typing for 3 minutes this is going to be a long 20 minutes there is nothing I can do to make it go by quicker even if I type slower, no I'm trying to find something else to think about, so I am disrupting my stream which is ironic that I have not really because I'm on a new one and recording it right now which is even more ironic and it will never end . until now. so her ei am looking for my new stream and hoping this assignment will be over soon so I can start my weekend and maybe get some food I'm very hungry now  I have not eaten all day and I'm hungry now I need to get some food, maybe ill get some chick fil a or taco cabana or some kind of fast food most likely seems like that and cafeteria food is all I eat lately its not a very good realization drew just walked in the door he is my roommate he just asked how I watch scooby doo its so mundane"" he uses vocabulary to impress people and I just wrote it in my paper to impress people. very ironic as well john ridder died today he is the star on threes company and 8 simple rules and he died on set suddenly its a weird thing I would like to live a long life and maybe die suddenly tho and not have to know I'm dying although I'm not afraid to die I feel I have a place to go though, my afterlife is set many people here don't believe in God and I don't know why it seems to me to be the only answer we have not even figured out the human brain and we dare to declare that there is no being beyond our comprehension we can be a very proud society for a people that can't stop murdering and slaughtering each other anyways I have been trying to help people understand that Christ came to give love and to break us away from sin not to tell us how to live I guess that makes me intolerant many people here feel that me showing what I believe is imposing my culture on them which I guess could be true but I'm not trying to break them from their traditions I'm just trying to . my roommate just started talking, ""arafat refuses to leave, and the USA is blatantly pro-israel. ""no, if the us was blatantly pro-israel world war three begins. I stopped following the conversation with california governors my roommates friend is here now and they are arguing politics, current affairs, the such, . scooby doo caught the bad guy, I'm satisfied now, man my fingers hurt and this writing is getting very tiring I wish I could be done now but I have to keep writing they are talking about proposition 12 now bla bla its very hard to concentrate on two things at once but I guess that is what college is about my physics homework is next to me I'm very glad I am understanding most of it I was proud of myself today because I finished most of my hw which is due next monday we have an exam in two weeks and I think I will do very well I also have an exam in this class and I'm very not prepared hopefully I can sit down and read through the text we will have to have read thus far and begin to see what this class will teach me I also remember that I have to do some experiment hours for this class hopefully I will have some free time in the weekend ahead to do some of them  I am beginning to smell food man I am so hungry I'm not thinking about much now because I am so focused on how hungry I am and what I would like to eat yet I'm thinking about thinking about what I want to eat and so forth. this assignment is very weird because you can't have people record what they think because now they are thinking about it so its in a way rigged and it will always be there is now way like this to have people understand how they think because whenever they think about it the point is gone, the twilight zone is on now I love that show me and drew are collecting the videos of them we have 12 episodes now and they are all classic ones the shows are not only always very ironic but they have social issues of the time in them which is very good, I like them, I have seen a lot of movies lately maybe because that is the easiest way to divert myself, its weird how humans always need diversion and now when I can't even write my thoughts I have to divert myself by talking about diversion man I can't wait to see what heaven has to offer, soon enough, only 20 seconds left now I can't wait till heaven its almost here three two one z         ",Emotions: Anxiety,"how to begin, I have started writing my stream of consciousness paper and now I'm trying to think its hard to think when your are asked to think about thought or your own thought why I feel this is a strange assignment o well I don't smell much right now but I hear the tv which I fixed last night I did a pretty good job even though I still have an extra screw left I'm watching scooby doo its very funny to watch now the commercials are on which I hate its 3 11 tonight I'm going out to eat and to the book store with my friends and maybe to an art museum I'm glad I get to get off campus the football game and weekend start tomorrow I'm excited to see the texas arkansas game as the season progresses the competition will become harder the band is a neat experience I have always liked marching and now I get to do it for a very widely known organization its a lot of fun I have only been typing for 3 minutes this is going to be a long 20 minutes there is nothing I can do to make it go by quicker even if I type slower, no I'm trying to find something else to think about, so I am disrupting my stream which is ironic that I have not really because I'm on a new one and recording it right now which is even more ironic and it will never end . until now. so her ei am looking for my new stream and hoping this assignment will be over soon so I can start my weekend and maybe get some food I'm very hungry now  I have not eaten all day and I'm hungry now I need to get some food, maybe ill get some chick fil a or taco cabana or some kind of fast food most likely seems like that and cafeteria food is all I eat lately its not a very good realization drew just walked in the door he is my roommate he just asked how I watch scooby doo its so mundane"" he uses vocabulary to impress people and I just wrote it in my paper to impress people. very ironic as well john ridder died today he is the star on threes company and 8 simple rules and he died on set suddenly its a weird thing I would like to live a long life and maybe die suddenly tho and not have to know I'm dying although I'm not afraid to die I feel I have a place to go though, my afterlife is set many people here don't believe in God and I don't know why it seems to me to be the only answer we have not even figured out the human brain and we dare to declare that there is no being beyond our comprehension we can be a very proud society for a people that can't stop murdering and slaughtering each other anyways I have been trying to help people understand that Christ came to give love and to break us away from sin not to tell us how to live I guess that makes me intolerant many people here feel that me showing what I believe is imposing my culture on them which I guess could be true but I'm not trying to break them from their traditions I'm just trying to . my roommate just started talking, ""arafat refuses to leave, and the USA is blatantly pro-israel. ""no, if the us was blatantly pro-israel world war three begins. I stopped following the conversation with california governors my roommates friend is here now and they are arguing politics, current affairs, the such, . scooby doo caught the bad guy, I'm satisfied now, man my fingers hurt and this writing is getting very tiring I wish I could be done now but I have to keep writing they are talking about proposition 12 now bla bla its very hard to concentrate on two things at once but I guess that is what college is about my physics homework is next to me I'm very glad I am understanding most of it I was proud of myself today because I finished most of my hw which is due next monday we have an exam in two weeks and I think I will do very well I also have an exam in this class and I'm very not prepared hopefully I can sit down and read through the text we will have to have read thus far and begin to see what this class will teach me I also remember that I have to do some experiment hours for this class hopefully I will have some free time in the weekend ahead to do some of them  I am beginning to smell food man I am so hungry I'm not thinking about much now because I am so focused on how hungry I am and what I would like to eat yet I'm thinking about thinking about what I want to eat and so forth. this assignment is very weird because you can't have people record what they think because now they are thinking about it so its in a way rigged and it will always be there is now way like this to have people understand how they think because whenever they think about it the point is gone, the twilight zone is on now I love that show me and drew are collecting the videos of them we have 12 episodes now and they are all classic ones the shows are not only always very ironic but they have social issues of the time in them which is very good, I like them, I have seen a lot of movies lately maybe because that is the easiest way to divert myself, its weird how humans always need diversion and now when I can't even write my thoughts I have to divert myself by talking about diversion man I can't wait to see what heaven has to offer, soon enough, only 20 seconds left now I can't wait till heaven its almost here three two one z         ",Emotions,Anxiety
2000_917531.txt,"What I feel is that I have disappointed myself so far this semester. I planned on being so much more organized than I actually am. I look around my room and my desk and get really annoyed at myself. I think I am missing something in terms of college academic life. I feel that I should be stressed and overwhelmed because those have been my feelings for the past couple of years. In high school, I was always trying to outdo myself and get more involved. By the time my senior year came around, I was so involved in clubs and classes that I was burnt out before 1st semester was even over. Every class I took was based on the recommended courses for UT. Every club I joined was so I could put several different activities on my application. Now that I am in college, I wonder if I am serious about my major, Theatre and Dance. Don't get me wrong, I love performing, and in an ideal world, I would become a regular on Broadway. But I always secondguess my goals and the reality of them actually coming true. I have performed literally since I could walk and talk. I haven't appeared on any major stages or on television, but performing has always been a really significant part of my life. It has shaped me into the person I am now. I just keep thinking. ""is this really feasible or not. "" It is one of the few things that I am good at and have been successful in. I suppose I went into the College of Fine Arts because fine arts are so familiar and comfortable for me. I actually thought of becoming a clinical psychologist or a social worker for the latter part of my high school life; I even took a semester of psychology last year. But I came to this conclusion: I have too many problems of my own that I can barely deal with, so how on earth could I solve anyone else's problems? The answer: I could not. I don't know. I guess I will get more into the routine as the weeks roll by. Hopefully, I will be successful at UT. Time can only tell. ",Emotions: Doubt,"What I feel is that I have disappointed myself so far this semester. I planned on being so much more organized than I actually am. I look around my room and my desk and get really annoyed at myself. I think I am missing something in terms of college academic life. I feel that I should be stressed and overwhelmed because those have been my feelings for the past couple of years. In high school, I was always trying to outdo myself and get more involved. By the time my senior year came around, I was so involved in clubs and classes that I was burnt out before 1st semester was even over. Every class I took was based on the recommended courses for UT. Every club I joined was so I could put several different activities on my application. Now that I am in college, I wonder if I am serious about my major, Theatre and Dance. Don't get me wrong, I love performing, and in an ideal world, I would become a regular on Broadway. But I always secondguess my goals and the reality of them actually coming true. I have performed literally since I could walk and talk. I haven't appeared on any major stages or on television, but performing has always been a really significant part of my life. It has shaped me into the person I am now. I just keep thinking. ""is this really feasible or not. "" It is one of the few things that I am good at and have been successful in. I suppose I went into the College of Fine Arts because fine arts are so familiar and comfortable for me. I actually thought of becoming a clinical psychologist or a social worker for the latter part of my high school life; I even took a semester of psychology last year. But I came to this conclusion: I have too many problems of my own that I can barely deal with, so how on earth could I solve anyone else's problems? The answer: I could not. I don't know. I guess I will get more into the routine as the weeks roll by. Hopefully, I will be successful at UT. Time can only tell. ",Emotions,Doubt
2000_771081.txt,"I love just being me. Honestly without my personality, I am nothing in this world. There are so many people alive today that without my individuality, I could not survive. It would be too weird if I walked around the streets seeing a splitting image of myself. Hehe I think that I would probably pass out if that ever happened to me. Ouch, my arm really itches right now. Man I hate when I scratch so hard and it leaves marks on my skin. It's so unattractive and it is so annoying when I have to shave over it. I really can't believe that he would say that to her. Doesn't he realize that some things are best left unsaid especially when you don't know the whole story? Fainting has to be one of the most unique experiences that I have ever gone through. It's so weird that you lose all control of yourself for that onesecond. Thank goodness that girl was there to help me even though she didn't know me. I would freak out if I ever came in contact with someone who was about to pass out and fell on me. Man Jessica really can draw. I wish that I had the talent to do something like drawing my selfportrait. My legs are really starting to bother me since they are in that position. Oh man I need to go read my Theater since I have that class tomorrow. What should I wear tomorrow? I wonder if it is going to be as hot as it has been this whole time. I thought it would feel so much better than McAllen. For goodness sakes, at least McAllen has wind. Man what I would give to be at the beach right now without a care in the world sipping on the best tasting glass of lemonade and laying out getting the greatest tan in the world. And the POboys at Blackbeard's. No one makes greater Fantail Special than they do. I really hope my computer comes soon. I can't wait to start adding songs to my computer. Why hasn't my phone rang in a while? I need to call Jessie in a minute. I wonder if I have anything that I need to get done tomorrow. Hopefully my backpack will work out good. Because it was so cheap compared to everything else that was there. I love my shoes and I can't believe that my black ones broke. That was too weird that it happened especially since it was in the middle of the street and I wasn't doing anything that would have made it break normally. I hope my computer is the one I wanted. I wonder who is calling right now? Must be for Amber since she is talking to that person right now. I really feel like watching Hope Floats right now. That is such a great movie, and the guy in it is so hot. ",Emotions: Concern,"I love just being me. Honestly without my personality, I am nothing in this world. There are so many people alive today that without my individuality, I could not survive. It would be too weird if I walked around the streets seeing a splitting image of myself. Hehe I think that I would probably pass out if that ever happened to me. Ouch, my arm really itches right now. Man I hate when I scratch so hard and it leaves marks on my skin. It's so unattractive and it is so annoying when I have to shave over it. I really can't believe that he would say that to her. Doesn't he realize that some things are best left unsaid especially when you don't know the whole story? Fainting has to be one of the most unique experiences that I have ever gone through. It's so weird that you lose all control of yourself for that onesecond. Thank goodness that girl was there to help me even though she didn't know me. I would freak out if I ever came in contact with someone who was about to pass out and fell on me. Man Jessica really can draw. I wish that I had the talent to do something like drawing my selfportrait. My legs are really starting to bother me since they are in that position. Oh man I need to go read my Theater since I have that class tomorrow. What should I wear tomorrow? I wonder if it is going to be as hot as it has been this whole time. I thought it would feel so much better than McAllen. For goodness sakes, at least McAllen has wind. Man what I would give to be at the beach right now without a care in the world sipping on the best tasting glass of lemonade and laying out getting the greatest tan in the world. And the POboys at Blackbeard's. No one makes greater Fantail Special than they do. I really hope my computer comes soon. I can't wait to start adding songs to my computer. Why hasn't my phone rang in a while? I need to call Jessie in a minute. I wonder if I have anything that I need to get done tomorrow. Hopefully my backpack will work out good. Because it was so cheap compared to everything else that was there. I love my shoes and I can't believe that my black ones broke. That was too weird that it happened especially since it was in the middle of the street and I wasn't doing anything that would have made it break normally. I hope my computer is the one I wanted. I wonder who is calling right now? Must be for Amber since she is talking to that person right now. I really feel like watching Hope Floats right now. That is such a great movie, and the guy in it is so hot. ",Emotions,Concern
2000_917531.txt,"What I feel is that I have disappointed myself so far this semester. I planned on being so much more organized than I actually am. I look around my room and my desk and get really annoyed at myself. I think I am missing something in terms of college academic life. I feel that I should be stressed and overwhelmed because those have been my feelings for the past couple of years. In high school, I was always trying to outdo myself and get more involved. By the time my senior year came around, I was so involved in clubs and classes that I was burnt out before 1st semester was even over. Every class I took was based on the recommended courses for UT. Every club I joined was so I could put several different activities on my application. Now that I am in college, I wonder if I am serious about my major, Theatre and Dance. Don't get me wrong, I love performing, and in an ideal world, I would become a regular on Broadway. But I always secondguess my goals and the reality of them actually coming true. I have performed literally since I could walk and talk. I haven't appeared on any major stages or on television, but performing has always been a really significant part of my life. It has shaped me into the person I am now. I just keep thinking. ""is this really feasible or not. "" It is one of the few things that I am good at and have been successful in. I suppose I went into the College of Fine Arts because fine arts are so familiar and comfortable for me. I actually thought of becoming a clinical psychologist or a social worker for the latter part of my high school life; I even took a semester of psychology last year. But I came to this conclusion: I have too many problems of my own that I can barely deal with, so how on earth could I solve anyone else's problems? The answer: I could not. I don't know. I guess I will get more into the routine as the weeks roll by. Hopefully, I will be successful at UT. Time can only tell. ",Social Awareness: Self-Reflection,"What I feel is that I have disappointed myself so far this semester. I planned on being so much more organized than I actually am. I look around my room and my desk and get really annoyed at myself. I think I am missing something in terms of college academic life. I feel that I should be stressed and overwhelmed because those have been my feelings for the past couple of years. In high school, I was always trying to outdo myself and get more involved. By the time my senior year came around, I was so involved in clubs and classes that I was burnt out before 1st semester was even over. Every class I took was based on the recommended courses for UT. Every club I joined was so I could put several different activities on my application. Now that I am in college, I wonder if I am serious about my major, Theatre and Dance. Don't get me wrong, I love performing, and in an ideal world, I would become a regular on Broadway. But I always secondguess my goals and the reality of them actually coming true. I have performed literally since I could walk and talk. I haven't appeared on any major stages or on television, but performing has always been a really significant part of my life. It has shaped me into the person I am now. I just keep thinking. ""is this really feasible or not. "" It is one of the few things that I am good at and have been successful in. I suppose I went into the College of Fine Arts because fine arts are so familiar and comfortable for me. I actually thought of becoming a clinical psychologist or a social worker for the latter part of my high school life; I even took a semester of psychology last year. But I came to this conclusion: I have too many problems of my own that I can barely deal with, so how on earth could I solve anyone else's problems? The answer: I could not. I don't know. I guess I will get more into the routine as the weeks roll by. Hopefully, I will be successful at UT. Time can only tell. ",Social Awareness,Self-Reflection
2000_551702.txt,"When I first thought about the stream of consciousness writing assignment, I figured my natural stream of consciousness would deliver my views on life and the issues that apply to the everyday. However, all I've been able to think about in the past twenty minutes is a girl. Her name is Kaylee. We became close towards the end of the summer before I came back to Austin. She lives in Dallas so its hard to get to see her very often. One date was all it took. I mean I've known the girl for years, but it became different after this one night. Kind of going from childhood friends to, I don't know, maybe something romantic. If I had known anything was there, I would've stomped on this opportunity a long time ago kind of like if I had known that there were 5 very essential vitamins in California Style Sunny Delight, I would've drunk that my whole life instead of orange juice. When did they come out with Sunny Delight anyways? I don't think it's been around for my entire life but probably pretty close. Possibly when I was five or six years old. At any rate, I always think to myself  could this girl be the one? She's beautiful to start with, and besides that, she's just amazing. I can't spend enough time with that girl. Just going to the playground and swinging with her makes me happy. I got a call from her the other day saying she was going to come see me next weekend. This could possibly be why I haven't been able to get her out of my mind. I really can't wait to see her. Possibly more excited than going to Chile next summer. I'm just packing up my bags and heading down there to see if I can land a job at a local ski resort. I've always wanted to ski bum for a season, so I figured this would be a good chance. And being that the summer in our hemisphere is winter in their hemisphere, it works out  having all summer off. I was actually stressing about this all day being that it has to be in by 5 o clock. I'm leaving for College Station sometime today and I have got so much to do. A police officer gave me a speeding ticket two nights ago on Riverside. Now I have to take defensive driving and get my car inspected to get out of this ticket. And this, piled onto everything else that is going on. I'd say my stress level has recently risen to a 7! Nonetheless, I'm getting out of town this weekend and probably the next too. The swells are getting up to 6 feet on the Texas gulf coast this weekend which is unheard of around here, so I want to get out and catch some waves before they recede. Surfing just makes me relax  puts me in a zone where there are no worries. Soccer doesn't do that for me. I played all my life and it was very fun but also came with a lot of pressure. There were many reasons I guess, but I just played to play, not to win a state championship or anything. Well I guess my twenty minutes are up, time to take a shower! ",Emotions: Happiness,"When I first thought about the stream of consciousness writing assignment, I figured my natural stream of consciousness would deliver my views on life and the issues that apply to the everyday. However, all I've been able to think about in the past twenty minutes is a girl. Her name is Kaylee. We became close towards the end of the summer before I came back to Austin. She lives in Dallas so its hard to get to see her very often. One date was all it took. I mean I've known the girl for years, but it became different after this one night. Kind of going from childhood friends to, I don't know, maybe something romantic. If I had known anything was there, I would've stomped on this opportunity a long time ago kind of like if I had known that there were 5 very essential vitamins in California Style Sunny Delight, I would've drunk that my whole life instead of orange juice. When did they come out with Sunny Delight anyways? I don't think it's been around for my entire life but probably pretty close. Possibly when I was five or six years old. At any rate, I always think to myself  could this girl be the one? She's beautiful to start with, and besides that, she's just amazing. I can't spend enough time with that girl. Just going to the playground and swinging with her makes me happy. I got a call from her the other day saying she was going to come see me next weekend. This could possibly be why I haven't been able to get her out of my mind. I really can't wait to see her. Possibly more excited than going to Chile next summer. I'm just packing up my bags and heading down there to see if I can land a job at a local ski resort. I've always wanted to ski bum for a season, so I figured this would be a good chance. And being that the summer in our hemisphere is winter in their hemisphere, it works out  having all summer off. I was actually stressing about this all day being that it has to be in by 5 o clock. I'm leaving for College Station sometime today and I have got so much to do. A police officer gave me a speeding ticket two nights ago on Riverside. Now I have to take defensive driving and get my car inspected to get out of this ticket. And this, piled onto everything else that is going on. I'd say my stress level has recently risen to a 7! Nonetheless, I'm getting out of town this weekend and probably the next too. The swells are getting up to 6 feet on the Texas gulf coast this weekend which is unheard of around here, so I want to get out and catch some waves before they recede. Surfing just makes me relax  puts me in a zone where there are no worries. Soccer doesn't do that for me. I played all my life and it was very fun but also came with a lot of pressure. There were many reasons I guess, but I just played to play, not to win a state championship or anything. Well I guess my twenty minutes are up, time to take a shower! ",Emotions,Happiness
2004_257.txt,"     well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students!  so why am I here?  Am I anywhere better than them?  Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people?  what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell?  hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing?  I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here?  Or is it something else?  Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that?  What am I searching for?  Trying to reach a perfect life?  I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first ""friend"" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they?  People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom?  What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation?  Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles?  I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture!  That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!!  And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid. ",Emotions: Empathy,"     well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students!  so why am I here?  Am I anywhere better than them?  Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people?  what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell?  hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing?  I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here?  Or is it something else?  Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that?  What am I searching for?  Trying to reach a perfect life?  I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first ""friend"" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they?  People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom?  What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation?  Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles?  I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture!  That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!!  And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid. ",Emotions,Empathy
2003_291.txt,"I don't know if I'm still mad at my friend. I hope she never does it again but somehow I think it'll take longer for her to change. Should I leave her alone or still hang out with her?  I'm getting tired of taking care of everyone. I don't know whether I want to go clubbing or go home this weekend. I sort of want to go home and get more food because I'm getting tired of the american food here. I don't hate olivia and I think its stupid that all these people hate her for no other reason than other people hating her. I think its very immature and you should get to know a person before judging her. I'm worried about my friend who is always taking drugs and she thinks its really cool. I had a writing assignment like this in high school. My psychology teacher in high school was so boring because she had a monotonous voice and she . I don't know but is very strange. I miss my high school life but I still prefer my college life. In high school everything seems controlled because my parents placed restrictions on my life but now here, its different because there is no one to control me. I sort of like this new freedom because my parents were really strict at home. I never got to stay out late but now, I could do whatever I want. I'm just afraid that I might mess up my schoolwork here at college. I don't want to mess up because I want a bright future but then I also want to experience and have fun my college years. So I have to learn how to set priorities to my life. I miss my high school life and I know that I could never go back to it. But I feel like I have truly lived my senior year of high school. High school was fun because I made friends I know I would keep for a lifetime. They are the ones I would call up if I'm upset or the ones I don't mind crying to. But in college, I feel like, no one really gives a damn about you unless you had some history with them. My classmates here, we're all in competition and the only ones I could turn to for now are the friends I had in high school. I just feel more comfortable being around them because I know that they've seen me through a lot of situations. I wish I could make more friends here at UT because its such a big campus and I want to be well connected. So I have started going to CBS and that's helping a lot I think not only because I meet people there but also it calms me down. Because thurs night I went clubbing and after that I still felt wild but now I'm ready to settle down and work hard in college. I don't want any regrets. I wish I could also find a boyfriend here at UT so I have someone I could rely or depend on. Because I'm tired of being depended on all the time. The ideal kind of guy would probably be a guy younger than me I would totally go for him. I wish it was summer, I like this UT campus because it just feels like home. It fits, because at home I'm always counting the days until I left home but now that I'm at uT I'm enjoying my days here. I don't usually like writing stuff like this because sometimes I feel like its a waste of time. I rather talk it out to someone so they can endure the pain of listening as well. Does someone actually read this?  Because this would be a lot of reading to do. not only to read my writing but also to read everyone's elses writing. What is the purpose of this writing?  I'm almost done, five more minutes of just rambling. This is like xanga. Everyone on there just rambles on forever about their day and their thoughts. Do they feel any different after they finish writing?  Well. xanga's are interesting to read when I'm bored but I don't think I would ever have one just because I don't want to waste my time on that and that I don't want to post up my personal life. I'm running out of stuff to say, I have never consider myself to be a very talkative person. Even to other people. I wish my roommate would get her internet port fixed because I'm tired of her always having to use my computer when she does something. Even if it was for schoolwork, I'm really anal about people touching my computer. Should I go and help her yell at the people who fixes computers because I want her to get it fixed now but she just seems to drag it. Is that selfish of me?  Well. I'm again running out of stuff to say and I have approx one more minute. My goals for college is to succeed I don't want to fail because its so much harder to climb back up again once you fall. Yay. almost time. 30 more sec. blah blah    20 more sec    I feel like an idiot just rambling here. ",Emotions: Concern,"I don't know if I'm still mad at my friend. I hope she never does it again but somehow I think it'll take longer for her to change. Should I leave her alone or still hang out with her?  I'm getting tired of taking care of everyone. I don't know whether I want to go clubbing or go home this weekend. I sort of want to go home and get more food because I'm getting tired of the american food here. I don't hate olivia and I think its stupid that all these people hate her for no other reason than other people hating her. I think its very immature and you should get to know a person before judging her. I'm worried about my friend who is always taking drugs and she thinks its really cool. I had a writing assignment like this in high school. My psychology teacher in high school was so boring because she had a monotonous voice and she . I don't know but is very strange. I miss my high school life but I still prefer my college life. In high school everything seems controlled because my parents placed restrictions on my life but now here, its different because there is no one to control me. I sort of like this new freedom because my parents were really strict at home. I never got to stay out late but now, I could do whatever I want. I'm just afraid that I might mess up my schoolwork here at college. I don't want to mess up because I want a bright future but then I also want to experience and have fun my college years. So I have to learn how to set priorities to my life. I miss my high school life and I know that I could never go back to it. But I feel like I have truly lived my senior year of high school. High school was fun because I made friends I know I would keep for a lifetime. They are the ones I would call up if I'm upset or the ones I don't mind crying to. But in college, I feel like, no one really gives a damn about you unless you had some history with them. My classmates here, we're all in competition and the only ones I could turn to for now are the friends I had in high school. I just feel more comfortable being around them because I know that they've seen me through a lot of situations. I wish I could make more friends here at UT because its such a big campus and I want to be well connected. So I have started going to CBS and that's helping a lot I think not only because I meet people there but also it calms me down. Because thurs night I went clubbing and after that I still felt wild but now I'm ready to settle down and work hard in college. I don't want any regrets. I wish I could also find a boyfriend here at UT so I have someone I could rely or depend on. Because I'm tired of being depended on all the time. The ideal kind of guy would probably be a guy younger than me I would totally go for him. I wish it was summer, I like this UT campus because it just feels like home. It fits, because at home I'm always counting the days until I left home but now that I'm at uT I'm enjoying my days here. I don't usually like writing stuff like this because sometimes I feel like its a waste of time. I rather talk it out to someone so they can endure the pain of listening as well. Does someone actually read this?  Because this would be a lot of reading to do. not only to read my writing but also to read everyone's elses writing. What is the purpose of this writing?  I'm almost done, five more minutes of just rambling. This is like xanga. Everyone on there just rambles on forever about their day and their thoughts. Do they feel any different after they finish writing?  Well. xanga's are interesting to read when I'm bored but I don't think I would ever have one just because I don't want to waste my time on that and that I don't want to post up my personal life. I'm running out of stuff to say, I have never consider myself to be a very talkative person. Even to other people. I wish my roommate would get her internet port fixed because I'm tired of her always having to use my computer when she does something. Even if it was for schoolwork, I'm really anal about people touching my computer. Should I go and help her yell at the people who fixes computers because I want her to get it fixed now but she just seems to drag it. Is that selfish of me?  Well. I'm again running out of stuff to say and I have approx one more minute. My goals for college is to succeed I don't want to fail because its so much harder to climb back up again once you fall. Yay. almost time. 30 more sec. blah blah    20 more sec    I feel like an idiot just rambling here. ",Emotions,Concern
1999_676943.txt,"I'm going nuts. I haven't gotten anything done today except a shower. I didn't get my parking permit. I really need to get that so I can have my car on campus. That would make my commute to work in north Austin a lot less painful. I can't stand riding the bus back and forth. I never know exactly when the bus will arrive. If I'm not there right on time, I get stuck for another half hour or so. I just really want my car here. I also didn't get my Physics books returned. They cost me approximately $200, and they're doing me no good. I'm being booted out of my physics class cause I didn't take calculus. I didn't know until last week that calculus was even a prerequisite. That's ok, though. I didn't really want to take physics this semester anyways. I kinda like this basic, cool class schedule I have. I did get in touch with the guy in charge of the anthropology department, so I can add that cultural anthropology class that I wanted. I hope that will be a cool class. I hope I'm not really far behind since I missed the first two weeks of class. It sounds interesting though. I need to get this class to stay a full-time student. If I'm not, my financial aid will disappear. I also need to get a work/study job for my financial aid. That's another thing I could have done today, but didn't. I went in for an interview at the counseling and mental health center with a Laurel Patterson, but she never showed up. That was very discouraging. There are a few others that I'm interested in. I like the idea of doing nothing for $6. 74/hour. I could be an Entrance Monitor at the Texas Swim Center. Weee! What fun. I don't think that will happen though. I just would like to have a job on campus so I can walk there rather than having to take a bus there or to my car and then drive there. That would be so much of a hassle. And, knowing me, I'd be late a lot. I just wish I could work somewhere on campus. It would make my life easier. I will miss my current job at Sunglass Outfitters. I really like my boss, and my co-workers are pretty cool. I also work right next door to a Thundercloud Subs where I get free food when the night manager's there. He's a really cool guy. He has had a glass eye since he was 2. He's got some crazy stories about that eye. One time when he was 7 he replaced the eye with a cherry, stem and all. He scared the hell out of his grandmother because the stem was just sticking out of his head. It was pretty funny. His girlfriend one time made the mistake of asking him to keep an eye on her books. You can just imagine. He's cool. I will miss hanging out with all of those guys at the arboretum. Oh, well. Maybe things will be cool at my new work/study job. Whenever it is that I find one, that is. I should probably get going. Maybe I can still return my Physics books. It's not too late, I don't think. The other things I have to do can wait until tomorrow. But not much later than that. Oh well, everything will be ok. ",Emotions: Hope,"I'm going nuts. I haven't gotten anything done today except a shower. I didn't get my parking permit. I really need to get that so I can have my car on campus. That would make my commute to work in north Austin a lot less painful. I can't stand riding the bus back and forth. I never know exactly when the bus will arrive. If I'm not there right on time, I get stuck for another half hour or so. I just really want my car here. I also didn't get my Physics books returned. They cost me approximately $200, and they're doing me no good. I'm being booted out of my physics class cause I didn't take calculus. I didn't know until last week that calculus was even a prerequisite. That's ok, though. I didn't really want to take physics this semester anyways. I kinda like this basic, cool class schedule I have. I did get in touch with the guy in charge of the anthropology department, so I can add that cultural anthropology class that I wanted. I hope that will be a cool class. I hope I'm not really far behind since I missed the first two weeks of class. It sounds interesting though. I need to get this class to stay a full-time student. If I'm not, my financial aid will disappear. I also need to get a work/study job for my financial aid. That's another thing I could have done today, but didn't. I went in for an interview at the counseling and mental health center with a Laurel Patterson, but she never showed up. That was very discouraging. There are a few others that I'm interested in. I like the idea of doing nothing for $6. 74/hour. I could be an Entrance Monitor at the Texas Swim Center. Weee! What fun. I don't think that will happen though. I just would like to have a job on campus so I can walk there rather than having to take a bus there or to my car and then drive there. That would be so much of a hassle. And, knowing me, I'd be late a lot. I just wish I could work somewhere on campus. It would make my life easier. I will miss my current job at Sunglass Outfitters. I really like my boss, and my co-workers are pretty cool. I also work right next door to a Thundercloud Subs where I get free food when the night manager's there. He's a really cool guy. He has had a glass eye since he was 2. He's got some crazy stories about that eye. One time when he was 7 he replaced the eye with a cherry, stem and all. He scared the hell out of his grandmother because the stem was just sticking out of his head. It was pretty funny. His girlfriend one time made the mistake of asking him to keep an eye on her books. You can just imagine. He's cool. I will miss hanging out with all of those guys at the arboretum. Oh, well. Maybe things will be cool at my new work/study job. Whenever it is that I find one, that is. I should probably get going. Maybe I can still return my Physics books. It's not too late, I don't think. The other things I have to do can wait until tomorrow. But not much later than that. Oh well, everything will be ok. ",Emotions,Hope
2004_286.txt,"At this very moment I feel anoyed and somewhat angry at what I see everyday. For example, there was a notice on my apartment door that I read after coming home from school. It stated that there was a homicide in the apartment complex. about 3 days ago there was another notice that warned about an armed robbery nearby. When I ride the Ut shuttle busses to school, I notice that now a days there is no sense of courtesy, nobody thanks the driver and students don't even bother to notice traffic when crossing streets. everyone is too caught up in their own little worlds to even show some form of humane decency. I don't know why I get angry when I think of this, maybe I pay too much attention to things I shouldn't. I have always disliked people but loved individuals, but what can be done to improve or avoid ignorence bbut to simply choose not to act irrational. enough of that. Now I am beggining to think of all the things I must do. I feel rather confused because I don't know if I should quite my job. It is not easy at all to be a full time student and work over 30 hours a week as a waiter at Antonios Tex Mex. On top of that, I just moved from apartment complexes, and I have not completely finished orginizing my stuff at my new apartment. There is an empty Burger King bag infront of me and I feel guilty. You see about 1 year and 5 months ago, I used to be very fit, I mean I had it all. I'm 6 ft. tall, and during that time, I weighed about 200 lbs but out of pure muscle, I was scorching hot. That is around the time I meat my girlfriend (I hope you don't think this is cheesy) and so we got together; about five months passed, and I just ballooned into 265 lbs. The reason I stated earlier that I felt guilty for eating the burger was because I am trying to get back in shape. And I also feel bad because I know that my partner worries about my health. But I do get satisfaction and happiness due to the choices I've made in my life, I chose to stay in school and never do drugs, also I have a person who has been with me in great times as well as tough times, and has had love for me in my horrible looking days as much as in my good looking days.       ",Social Awareness: Self-consciousness,"At this very moment I feel anoyed and somewhat angry at what I see everyday. For example, there was a notice on my apartment door that I read after coming home from school. It stated that there was a homicide in the apartment complex. about 3 days ago there was another notice that warned about an armed robbery nearby. When I ride the Ut shuttle busses to school, I notice that now a days there is no sense of courtesy, nobody thanks the driver and students don't even bother to notice traffic when crossing streets. everyone is too caught up in their own little worlds to even show some form of humane decency. I don't know why I get angry when I think of this, maybe I pay too much attention to things I shouldn't. I have always disliked people but loved individuals, but what can be done to improve or avoid ignorence bbut to simply choose not to act irrational. enough of that. Now I am beggining to think of all the things I must do. I feel rather confused because I don't know if I should quite my job. It is not easy at all to be a full time student and work over 30 hours a week as a waiter at Antonios Tex Mex. On top of that, I just moved from apartment complexes, and I have not completely finished orginizing my stuff at my new apartment. There is an empty Burger King bag infront of me and I feel guilty. You see about 1 year and 5 months ago, I used to be very fit, I mean I had it all. I'm 6 ft. tall, and during that time, I weighed about 200 lbs but out of pure muscle, I was scorching hot. That is around the time I meat my girlfriend (I hope you don't think this is cheesy) and so we got together; about five months passed, and I just ballooned into 265 lbs. The reason I stated earlier that I felt guilty for eating the burger was because I am trying to get back in shape. And I also feel bad because I know that my partner worries about my health. But I do get satisfaction and happiness due to the choices I've made in my life, I chose to stay in school and never do drugs, also I have a person who has been with me in great times as well as tough times, and has had love for me in my horrible looking days as much as in my good looking days.       ",Social Awareness,Self-consciousness
2004_286.txt,"At this very moment I feel anoyed and somewhat angry at what I see everyday. For example, there was a notice on my apartment door that I read after coming home from school. It stated that there was a homicide in the apartment complex. about 3 days ago there was another notice that warned about an armed robbery nearby. When I ride the Ut shuttle busses to school, I notice that now a days there is no sense of courtesy, nobody thanks the driver and students don't even bother to notice traffic when crossing streets. everyone is too caught up in their own little worlds to even show some form of humane decency. I don't know why I get angry when I think of this, maybe I pay too much attention to things I shouldn't. I have always disliked people but loved individuals, but what can be done to improve or avoid ignorence bbut to simply choose not to act irrational. enough of that. Now I am beggining to think of all the things I must do. I feel rather confused because I don't know if I should quite my job. It is not easy at all to be a full time student and work over 30 hours a week as a waiter at Antonios Tex Mex. On top of that, I just moved from apartment complexes, and I have not completely finished orginizing my stuff at my new apartment. There is an empty Burger King bag infront of me and I feel guilty. You see about 1 year and 5 months ago, I used to be very fit, I mean I had it all. I'm 6 ft. tall, and during that time, I weighed about 200 lbs but out of pure muscle, I was scorching hot. That is around the time I meat my girlfriend (I hope you don't think this is cheesy) and so we got together; about five months passed, and I just ballooned into 265 lbs. The reason I stated earlier that I felt guilty for eating the burger was because I am trying to get back in shape. And I also feel bad because I know that my partner worries about my health. But I do get satisfaction and happiness due to the choices I've made in my life, I chose to stay in school and never do drugs, also I have a person who has been with me in great times as well as tough times, and has had love for me in my horrible looking days as much as in my good looking days.       ",Emotions: Confusion,"At this very moment I feel anoyed and somewhat angry at what I see everyday. For example, there was a notice on my apartment door that I read after coming home from school. It stated that there was a homicide in the apartment complex. about 3 days ago there was another notice that warned about an armed robbery nearby. When I ride the Ut shuttle busses to school, I notice that now a days there is no sense of courtesy, nobody thanks the driver and students don't even bother to notice traffic when crossing streets. everyone is too caught up in their own little worlds to even show some form of humane decency. I don't know why I get angry when I think of this, maybe I pay too much attention to things I shouldn't. I have always disliked people but loved individuals, but what can be done to improve or avoid ignorence bbut to simply choose not to act irrational. enough of that. Now I am beggining to think of all the things I must do. I feel rather confused because I don't know if I should quite my job. It is not easy at all to be a full time student and work over 30 hours a week as a waiter at Antonios Tex Mex. On top of that, I just moved from apartment complexes, and I have not completely finished orginizing my stuff at my new apartment. There is an empty Burger King bag infront of me and I feel guilty. You see about 1 year and 5 months ago, I used to be very fit, I mean I had it all. I'm 6 ft. tall, and during that time, I weighed about 200 lbs but out of pure muscle, I was scorching hot. That is around the time I meat my girlfriend (I hope you don't think this is cheesy) and so we got together; about five months passed, and I just ballooned into 265 lbs. The reason I stated earlier that I felt guilty for eating the burger was because I am trying to get back in shape. And I also feel bad because I know that my partner worries about my health. But I do get satisfaction and happiness due to the choices I've made in my life, I chose to stay in school and never do drugs, also I have a person who has been with me in great times as well as tough times, and has had love for me in my horrible looking days as much as in my good looking days.       ",Emotions,Confusion
2003_224.txt,"I was just typing for like 3 minutes and all the stuff I just typed erased. So now I'm really pissed off. I was writing about my boyfriend and how I miss him and he just called and said he was going to call me back. I am so excited about this weekend cause all my friends in school will be down this weekend and we are going to go out and spend time together. I am so excited. I really don't like it up here I just have to deal with it and get used to it. I get so happy when I get to go home on the weekends. So you could say I am living for the weekends. That is bad I guess but I don't know, I just have to get used to it. I am talking to my friend right now. She is a good friend but sometimes she gets on my nerves cause she can be so fake sometimes. I wish she would just be herself all the time. I wish that some of my friends would come up here. I am ready to go home. I miss my family and especially my mother. She would comfort me right now. I need to read my bible. I am so bored right now. And I'm tired because I stayed up late last night to finish calculus and chemistry. I wish the professors would get together so that we wouldn't have so much homework. I am so bored. My friend is on the phone and she is talking to me lying again. I hate when she lies. She does that all the time. I wish she wouldn't do that. I wish my friend Kim would come up here and go to college with me. I have already made up my mind that if I don't like it by the end of the semester I am going to transfer. I will try to stick it out though. I have calculus homework due Thursday and I am going to have to get my cousin to come help me cause some of the problems I don't know how to do. My calculus teacher moves too fast and even he doesn't know what he did on some days. That is horrible. I can't wait till I get in my major because then my classes will be smaller and I will be able to understand stuff better. Dang!  I didn't know that twenty minutes lasts this long. I have like nine more minutes. I am so bored. As soon as I finish this I am going to sleep. No!  After I talk to my boyfriend. He is coming up here on the 19th and I can't wait. I haven't seen him in a while. I wonder what he is doing right now. My daddy gets on my nerves. He always has something smart to say. He can't never just let stuff be. I wish he wouldn't call sometime if all he is going to talk about is stupid stuff. I am really glad I have church members that care about me. I have received so many phone calls. It really encourages me to know that I have people praying for me. I have to keep reminding myself that I want to be a pharmacist and that I have to do what I have to do to get it. I am so wishing that my six years here would be fast and I will do good and that I won't fail any classes. I want to talk to my boyfriend now, but I am not going to call him until I finish this. Twenty minutes is long, and I didn't know it could be so long. I guess that is when you are wanting time to pass because If I didn't want time to pass it would be going by fast. I really miss my mother. I'm about to read my bible, so I can gain some encouragement. I think I may call my mother before I go to bed or not. I need to quit acting like a baby and start being the grown up that I am and accept my responsibility. I am about  to call my boyfriend. I love him and hope we get married right after I finish school, if we last that long. If not, I wish the best for him in life. But I think we would be good together. We are good together now. Except when we get mad at each other and then we are still good together. I can't wait till wee see him this weekend too. And my family. I'm ready to see everyone. I love being at home. I wish when I was in high school I didn't always want to leave home ",Emotions: Excitement,"I was just typing for like 3 minutes and all the stuff I just typed erased. So now I'm really pissed off. I was writing about my boyfriend and how I miss him and he just called and said he was going to call me back. I am so excited about this weekend cause all my friends in school will be down this weekend and we are going to go out and spend time together. I am so excited. I really don't like it up here I just have to deal with it and get used to it. I get so happy when I get to go home on the weekends. So you could say I am living for the weekends. That is bad I guess but I don't know, I just have to get used to it. I am talking to my friend right now. She is a good friend but sometimes she gets on my nerves cause she can be so fake sometimes. I wish she would just be herself all the time. I wish that some of my friends would come up here. I am ready to go home. I miss my family and especially my mother. She would comfort me right now. I need to read my bible. I am so bored right now. And I'm tired because I stayed up late last night to finish calculus and chemistry. I wish the professors would get together so that we wouldn't have so much homework. I am so bored. My friend is on the phone and she is talking to me lying again. I hate when she lies. She does that all the time. I wish she wouldn't do that. I wish my friend Kim would come up here and go to college with me. I have already made up my mind that if I don't like it by the end of the semester I am going to transfer. I will try to stick it out though. I have calculus homework due Thursday and I am going to have to get my cousin to come help me cause some of the problems I don't know how to do. My calculus teacher moves too fast and even he doesn't know what he did on some days. That is horrible. I can't wait till I get in my major because then my classes will be smaller and I will be able to understand stuff better. Dang!  I didn't know that twenty minutes lasts this long. I have like nine more minutes. I am so bored. As soon as I finish this I am going to sleep. No!  After I talk to my boyfriend. He is coming up here on the 19th and I can't wait. I haven't seen him in a while. I wonder what he is doing right now. My daddy gets on my nerves. He always has something smart to say. He can't never just let stuff be. I wish he wouldn't call sometime if all he is going to talk about is stupid stuff. I am really glad I have church members that care about me. I have received so many phone calls. It really encourages me to know that I have people praying for me. I have to keep reminding myself that I want to be a pharmacist and that I have to do what I have to do to get it. I am so wishing that my six years here would be fast and I will do good and that I won't fail any classes. I want to talk to my boyfriend now, but I am not going to call him until I finish this. Twenty minutes is long, and I didn't know it could be so long. I guess that is when you are wanting time to pass because If I didn't want time to pass it would be going by fast. I really miss my mother. I'm about to read my bible, so I can gain some encouragement. I think I may call my mother before I go to bed or not. I need to quit acting like a baby and start being the grown up that I am and accept my responsibility. I am about  to call my boyfriend. I love him and hope we get married right after I finish school, if we last that long. If not, I wish the best for him in life. But I think we would be good together. We are good together now. Except when we get mad at each other and then we are still good together. I can't wait till wee see him this weekend too. And my family. I'm ready to see everyone. I love being at home. I wish when I was in high school I didn't always want to leave home ",Emotions,Excitement
1999_711103.txt,"I don't know what exactly I am supposed to write about. and I think about how much time I spend trying to perfect everything in my classes, but when does that ever go through. I think that there is so much to do and I have no time to do it it. the stress keeps growing and growing. I am a bad typer so this won't be as long as it should be biut I don't really care I keep fixing my mistakes even thoigh I know I am not supposed to I thik that my hand will start to hurt really soon after so much typeing that I am going to inevitablly have to take a break soon but I ll just keep going psy seems to be an interesting courseso far and I am looking forward to listening to some of the lectures. thinking/ I don't know what else I am supposed to type about so I am going to write words that don't mean anything to me I miss my mom and my family and I miss my exboyfeind even though we had a bad breakup, I don't know if this is approriate for this assigninment or not but I sometimes I think that my thoughts go in weird directions and I think abnormal thoughts that people don't usually think about but then again I am just another teenager who is full of life and evenerygy anf I I someimtes wish that my teenage days were over and I could then setlle down and do something useful with myselfv but I love being young I wouldnt give this up for the world and to know that in a couple of years I am going to be off doing sothing that will whats the word I am looking for effect, thats it, the rest of my life and the way that I live and the people I will be freiends with and the people I will work for what exactly do I have to do to make things work out for me/ what exactly do I have to prove to people to show them that I deserve respect and a good life/ I think this typing is a waste of my time because I am not even getting anything done and I haVE so miuch reading to do and I have better things to do than to type this and no one is even going ot read this it angers me that I have to spnend 20 mins on something no one is even going to look at there are about 600 people in my class and I doiubt anyone will know who I am for a long time f even ever. I wish that I never sined up for this classs as a freshman. I wish I could go home and not be stuck in a place like this and I wish things could change for me. I don't know how I am supposed to think about the way I think. I think thats stupid no one understans fully how the brain works. no one will ever understand the way I work and I wish they would all stop trying. I live my life for everyone else iu thats wrong, but I can't ever live up to any expectauions and it upsets me. I will most likely grow up to become a psyco! thats all. I'm stopping now. Jennifer Nguyen ",Emotions: Anger,"I don't know what exactly I am supposed to write about. and I think about how much time I spend trying to perfect everything in my classes, but when does that ever go through. I think that there is so much to do and I have no time to do it it. the stress keeps growing and growing. I am a bad typer so this won't be as long as it should be biut I don't really care I keep fixing my mistakes even thoigh I know I am not supposed to I thik that my hand will start to hurt really soon after so much typeing that I am going to inevitablly have to take a break soon but I ll just keep going psy seems to be an interesting courseso far and I am looking forward to listening to some of the lectures. thinking/ I don't know what else I am supposed to type about so I am going to write words that don't mean anything to me I miss my mom and my family and I miss my exboyfeind even though we had a bad breakup, I don't know if this is approriate for this assigninment or not but I sometimes I think that my thoughts go in weird directions and I think abnormal thoughts that people don't usually think about but then again I am just another teenager who is full of life and evenerygy anf I I someimtes wish that my teenage days were over and I could then setlle down and do something useful with myselfv but I love being young I wouldnt give this up for the world and to know that in a couple of years I am going to be off doing sothing that will whats the word I am looking for effect, thats it, the rest of my life and the way that I live and the people I will be freiends with and the people I will work for what exactly do I have to do to make things work out for me/ what exactly do I have to prove to people to show them that I deserve respect and a good life/ I think this typing is a waste of my time because I am not even getting anything done and I haVE so miuch reading to do and I have better things to do than to type this and no one is even going ot read this it angers me that I have to spnend 20 mins on something no one is even going to look at there are about 600 people in my class and I doiubt anyone will know who I am for a long time f even ever. I wish that I never sined up for this classs as a freshman. I wish I could go home and not be stuck in a place like this and I wish things could change for me. I don't know how I am supposed to think about the way I think. I think thats stupid no one understans fully how the brain works. no one will ever understand the way I work and I wish they would all stop trying. I live my life for everyone else iu thats wrong, but I can't ever live up to any expectauions and it upsets me. I will most likely grow up to become a psyco! thats all. I'm stopping now. Jennifer Nguyen ",Emotions,Anger
2000_518815.txt,"3:34 twenty minutes to write what I am thinking Well, I am writing this at a time when I should be in class, but at least I am doing my homework. Between reading the book and doing the writing assignments, I think I have this class covered. I must admit I hate missing class because there are so many hotties in the class. When ever I get bored listening to the discussion that is merely a repetition of info in the book, I can stare around at the hundreds of fine chicks in the class. Don't get me wrong the class is interesting, but that's my thought. The guy that is sitting next to me smells bad. I know him, and has just said hello, The only reason I know him is because he is in many of my music classes, and his girlfriend is Hot. Holy shit, she just came in here to talk to him. This is really fucked up. I am trying to evesdrop as I write this. He is telling her what to do. oh wait they are noticing me, she left. Why does she date hIM? He's so nasty. I'm hungry, I ate not to long ago, maybe I want a cigarette. Busy busy busy, have a trombone lesson at five, still have to get my instrument from the instrument NAZI. He was on the sick out we all hate him. Some dude I don't know came up to the guy next to me and pretended to be him girlfriend by rubbing his shoulders, It was funny, I am really starting to get tired of this, but hey anything for a good grade. I am thinking to much abbot what to write. what to think. I am hungry, I wonder what happened in class today I'll just read the next chapter of the book, I like the book it is interesting. Lots of people in the lab today, feel kind of weird writing, can't wait tell Friday, actually every day is good when I am not in class and don't have anything to do. The dude next to me started talking to me, I hate him, I don't even know what he said. Hey 3:54 see you bye ",Emotions: Lack of Guilt,"3:34 twenty minutes to write what I am thinking Well, I am writing this at a time when I should be in class, but at least I am doing my homework. Between reading the book and doing the writing assignments, I think I have this class covered. I must admit I hate missing class because there are so many hotties in the class. When ever I get bored listening to the discussion that is merely a repetition of info in the book, I can stare around at the hundreds of fine chicks in the class. Don't get me wrong the class is interesting, but that's my thought. The guy that is sitting next to me smells bad. I know him, and has just said hello, The only reason I know him is because he is in many of my music classes, and his girlfriend is Hot. Holy shit, she just came in here to talk to him. This is really fucked up. I am trying to evesdrop as I write this. He is telling her what to do. oh wait they are noticing me, she left. Why does she date hIM? He's so nasty. I'm hungry, I ate not to long ago, maybe I want a cigarette. Busy busy busy, have a trombone lesson at five, still have to get my instrument from the instrument NAZI. He was on the sick out we all hate him. Some dude I don't know came up to the guy next to me and pretended to be him girlfriend by rubbing his shoulders, It was funny, I am really starting to get tired of this, but hey anything for a good grade. I am thinking to much abbot what to write. what to think. I am hungry, I wonder what happened in class today I'll just read the next chapter of the book, I like the book it is interesting. Lots of people in the lab today, feel kind of weird writing, can't wait tell Friday, actually every day is good when I am not in class and don't have anything to do. The dude next to me started talking to me, I hate him, I don't even know what he said. Hey 3:54 see you bye ",Emotions,Lack of Guilt
1999_771726.txt,"It is just past one a. m. and I feel like doing this now. I'm not really tired and know that I should go to bed because I have to go to class at eight tomorrow. I've done all of my homework and am extremely bored. I just got off the internet with my boyfriend back at home, which would be Conroe. He's lonley just like me and we have been talking for about three hours. I miss him a lot and don't quite know what to do. I really don't have a lot of friends here. I had seven best friends that I grew up with since around fourth grade and all seven of them went to A&M. I really feel left out. They all e-mail me and tell me what a great time they are having and I wish I were with them. I've wanted to come here since I was in fifth grade though, so this is a dream come true for me. I just wish I had someone to talk to. They were always there for me and we always had a great time. I also miss my family, which is probably to be expected in the first weeks of college. My brother called me today, he is 13, and told me that he just got a new dwarf hamster and I know he got it just because I told him last week that they were the cutest things. He takes everything I say to heart, even if he dosen't know it. My mom's and my brother's birthday is in a week and I'm not sure if I can get home. I wasen't able to bring my car up here so I'm stuck at the mercy of my roommate. I just want to be there for their birthday's. If my roommate dosen't go home though then I'm stuck up here. I've known Sara for quite a long time. For about eight years. We've never really been best friends or anything but we decided to room together because we knew we could trust each other. She is pretty neat, although she does complain a lot. I have really nothing against here though. I'm kinda hungry, if you would like to know that. Instead of eating dinner I went down the hall and watched the MTV music awards and ate candy and popcorn and I'm still hungry. I don't want to have to get up in the morning. When I scheduled my classes I should not have put four classes in one day, but I had no choice. I'm really regretting it now though. Homework is hard to do if it all has to be done on the same day. I'm also taking an aerobics class and it is quite fun. I never expected it to be so physical though. I know you are supposed to exercise and all, it's just that it hurts. I am so out of shape and it just makes me aware of that fact. My eyes are getting all fuzzy. And it is very cold. I'm getting tired now and I think it is because of all the blue writing on the white background. I wasen't tired before. So, my twenty minutes is almost up and I might go to bed now. I doubt it, I am a night person. I'd rather stay up all night and sleep all day. That would be great. Well, I'll talk to you in the next writing assignment. ",Emotions: Regret,"It is just past one a. m. and I feel like doing this now. I'm not really tired and know that I should go to bed because I have to go to class at eight tomorrow. I've done all of my homework and am extremely bored. I just got off the internet with my boyfriend back at home, which would be Conroe. He's lonley just like me and we have been talking for about three hours. I miss him a lot and don't quite know what to do. I really don't have a lot of friends here. I had seven best friends that I grew up with since around fourth grade and all seven of them went to A&M. I really feel left out. They all e-mail me and tell me what a great time they are having and I wish I were with them. I've wanted to come here since I was in fifth grade though, so this is a dream come true for me. I just wish I had someone to talk to. They were always there for me and we always had a great time. I also miss my family, which is probably to be expected in the first weeks of college. My brother called me today, he is 13, and told me that he just got a new dwarf hamster and I know he got it just because I told him last week that they were the cutest things. He takes everything I say to heart, even if he dosen't know it. My mom's and my brother's birthday is in a week and I'm not sure if I can get home. I wasen't able to bring my car up here so I'm stuck at the mercy of my roommate. I just want to be there for their birthday's. If my roommate dosen't go home though then I'm stuck up here. I've known Sara for quite a long time. For about eight years. We've never really been best friends or anything but we decided to room together because we knew we could trust each other. She is pretty neat, although she does complain a lot. I have really nothing against here though. I'm kinda hungry, if you would like to know that. Instead of eating dinner I went down the hall and watched the MTV music awards and ate candy and popcorn and I'm still hungry. I don't want to have to get up in the morning. When I scheduled my classes I should not have put four classes in one day, but I had no choice. I'm really regretting it now though. Homework is hard to do if it all has to be done on the same day. I'm also taking an aerobics class and it is quite fun. I never expected it to be so physical though. I know you are supposed to exercise and all, it's just that it hurts. I am so out of shape and it just makes me aware of that fact. My eyes are getting all fuzzy. And it is very cold. I'm getting tired now and I think it is because of all the blue writing on the white background. I wasen't tired before. So, my twenty minutes is almost up and I might go to bed now. I doubt it, I am a night person. I'd rather stay up all night and sleep all day. That would be great. Well, I'll talk to you in the next writing assignment. ",Emotions,Regret
2002_972407.txt,"My name Is Keely and I am a Freshman here at UT. Moving away from home has been a difficult task. I have really been lonely here. I have noticed that it is getting easier though. I do have two brothers that live here in Austin. My oldiest brother also attends UT. He is in his second year of law. My other brother Josh doesn't go to school, but hopefully he will decide to one day. Classes have also been getting more difficult. I have been really stressed out because of all the reading. I am really nervous about some of the upcoming tests. Hopefully I will have prepared myself for them. I have a boyfriend named Jacoby. It was really hard to leave back at home. I miss him very much. This coming weekend is our year anniversary. I really want to go home to see him, but I don't think I'm going to be able to. It is very difficult to be here in Austin without all of my friends. When I'm bored there really isn't anyone to hang out with. My brothers are working a lot so they don't have much time to hang out. My  parents were sad to see me leave for college, my mother expecially. I am the baby of the family. My mother is extremely emotional. She often cries and gets depressed now that all of us are gone. She also calls us a lot more and e-mails me all the time. I feel sorry for her!  The only person she hangs out with is my dad. My dad isn't too bad, he just is set in his ways. He sits in his recliner and watches nascar all the time. My poor mother has to sit there and watch it with him. That really doesn't sound too fun to me. Anyway, I know that I will eventually get used to it here, but it will take some time. I just try to keep myself busy so that I don't have time to think about how homesick I am. At least I have my brothers here. I couldn't imagine being here all alone. I would drive myself crazy!  My roomate is really cool. I got really lucky with that. We have soo much in common. She has the same since of humor as I do. Also, we have all the same classes together, which is really helpful. Now it doesn't seem like I'm alone all the time. I have her there going through the same thing. Another thing is that the bus stop by my dorm takes me straight to my brother's aptartment. This makes it very convinient. I can get off campus and try to get away from it all. Well, I seemed to have come to a block. I can't think of anything to say. I'm trying to keep typing though. Oh, I really am enjoying psy. class. It is really interesting!  I know it is only going to get better too. Psychology is my major (at least for now) so this is my type of thing.           ",Emotions: Anxiety,"My name Is Keely and I am a Freshman here at UT. Moving away from home has been a difficult task. I have really been lonely here. I have noticed that it is getting easier though. I do have two brothers that live here in Austin. My oldiest brother also attends UT. He is in his second year of law. My other brother Josh doesn't go to school, but hopefully he will decide to one day. Classes have also been getting more difficult. I have been really stressed out because of all the reading. I am really nervous about some of the upcoming tests. Hopefully I will have prepared myself for them. I have a boyfriend named Jacoby. It was really hard to leave back at home. I miss him very much. This coming weekend is our year anniversary. I really want to go home to see him, but I don't think I'm going to be able to. It is very difficult to be here in Austin without all of my friends. When I'm bored there really isn't anyone to hang out with. My brothers are working a lot so they don't have much time to hang out. My  parents were sad to see me leave for college, my mother expecially. I am the baby of the family. My mother is extremely emotional. She often cries and gets depressed now that all of us are gone. She also calls us a lot more and e-mails me all the time. I feel sorry for her!  The only person she hangs out with is my dad. My dad isn't too bad, he just is set in his ways. He sits in his recliner and watches nascar all the time. My poor mother has to sit there and watch it with him. That really doesn't sound too fun to me. Anyway, I know that I will eventually get used to it here, but it will take some time. I just try to keep myself busy so that I don't have time to think about how homesick I am. At least I have my brothers here. I couldn't imagine being here all alone. I would drive myself crazy!  My roomate is really cool. I got really lucky with that. We have soo much in common. She has the same since of humor as I do. Also, we have all the same classes together, which is really helpful. Now it doesn't seem like I'm alone all the time. I have her there going through the same thing. Another thing is that the bus stop by my dorm takes me straight to my brother's aptartment. This makes it very convinient. I can get off campus and try to get away from it all. Well, I seemed to have come to a block. I can't think of anything to say. I'm trying to keep typing though. Oh, I really am enjoying psy. class. It is really interesting!  I know it is only going to get better too. Psychology is my major (at least for now) so this is my type of thing.           ",Emotions,Anxiety
2000_914317.txt,"Well, I suppose since this is a stream of consciousness exercise I will just say whatever is on my mind, which at the moment happens to be how incredibly horrible this past weekend was. But, let's back up and get the basics down. For graduation, my grandparents promised to buy me a new computer. New, being the operative word. So they told me to go find one that I liked and tell them where it was. My mother and I went out and looked at computers and found a nice setup that included a printer for about $1500. We thought that sounded reasonable, so we informed my grandparents of the computer's location and they said it sounded good. HOWEVER, they went to see my Uncle's family in Dallas for my cousin's birthday and decided to go a cheaper route and not buy a namebrand computer. So I ended up with this piece of crap that keeps shutting down on me. My Dad has been freaking out for the past two weeks how he knew all along we should have gotten a different computer in the first place and how my grandparents always go the cheaper route even when it means less quality and now my entire college career is jeopardized because I cannot get online. So I spent Saturday messing with my computer, trying to reinstall stuff to see if it was a software problem. It wasn't. My Uncle drove in from Dallas on Sunday and took Windows off, reinstalled it, deleted my C drive (which is a big deal), then created a new one and repartitioned it, Everything SEEMED to work for a brief period of time before my computer decided to do one more mad little dance of irony and shut itself down. Now I am stuck with a computer that doesn't even partially compute and my Dad has to come pick it up to take it to some store called ""Computer Doctor"" and meanwhile he's still ranting about how he was right all along and my Mother should talk my grandparents into getting me a new computer, and if they don't how my parents should because if they don't I'm going to flunk because after all everything is online nowadays, etc. So I wasted my weekend sitting up in my room with my family when I could have been in the music room practicing. And I'm a music major, not computer science, so the music building is where I should be. But my mother wouldn't let me go to the music building because she wanted me to be around while they were messing with my computer. So I didn't practice AT ALL this weekend when my professor says I should practice 4 hours a day at least, and I just got a bunch of new music and now I'm totally screwed for my lesson on Friday. I also am having trouble in my music theory class because my teacher never bothered to tell me what an augmented interval or a diminished interval is, and they expect us to learn this stuff in one night, and since we have the class everyday, it's not like we can procrastinate at all. It's very frustrating. or maybe it's just me. I don't know. All I know is that I haven't even typed for ten minutes yet and I'm still complaining. It's not like I usually procrastinate about anything anyway. I mean, I was valedictorian of my high school, I think I know something about time management. Although, being valedictorian of my school was no terrible feat. I went to all the parties and pulled all the typical high school stunts, and had the highest number of ""unexcused absences"" you could have without being held back. And I wrote my speech at three in the morning the day of graduation. So I guess I know a little about procrastination anyway. But I had a reason for waiting that long really! When it was certain that I was going to be valedictorian, everybody started giving me tips, like they knew what they were talking about. ""Don't make it too long, I'll pay you five dollars to say my name, don't make it too boring. I don't want to sit through some damn boring speech. "" Even friends' parents were giving me tips. Everybody wanted to know what I was going to say, so I just didn't even try to come up with anything until the last minute, so I wouldn't have anything to tell them. Most people like me speech I guess. I worked in a favorite quote of mine by Theodore Roosevelt about how the real cowards are the ones who never try. It's a really encouraging quote, and I always used to repeat it to myself when I went to violin auditions because I am an extremely nervous performer. I also used to repeat that thing from Dune by Frank Herbert that the main character Paul used to say ""I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. "" etc, etc. It always sort of helped me get a grip on myself I guess which I need because I'm a very insecure person. And I'm sure that my typing is annoying my roommate right now because I have to use her computer and she's trying to sleep and her computer is right by where her head is on her bed. It's only 12:34 though, and she always goes to sleep around midnight which I think is weird. But then I'm an insomniac and I can never sleep anyway, so I'm usually up until about three. I also am a coffee addict. have been since the age of seven. I think it usually surprises people that I've been drinking coffee so long, but my Dad used to drink at least a pot a day, to that was a drink that was always available. You'd think it would have stunted my growth, but I'm 5'7"". Then again, my brother is only 15 and he's 5'9"", so maybe I would have been taller. Maybe not. I sort of like my height. Hmm, I've got two minutes to go, and I lost my train of thought, so I guess I'll just keep typing until something comes to me. Oh, I'm listening to the soundtrack from ""Schindler's List"" right now. I totally love that movie and the music makes me cry. Music always makes me emotional, but this cd is played by Itzhak Perlman whom I personally feel is the greatest violinist in the world, although Joshua Bell, who did the soundtrack for the ""Red Violin"" is also really good, but younger so he doesn't have as much experience. I'm sure he will be so much better when he's older though. Well, it's been twenty minutes. It was interesting. a little personal odyssey of the mind there. Bye! ",Thinking styles: Overthinking,"Well, I suppose since this is a stream of consciousness exercise I will just say whatever is on my mind, which at the moment happens to be how incredibly horrible this past weekend was. But, let's back up and get the basics down. For graduation, my grandparents promised to buy me a new computer. New, being the operative word. So they told me to go find one that I liked and tell them where it was. My mother and I went out and looked at computers and found a nice setup that included a printer for about $1500. We thought that sounded reasonable, so we informed my grandparents of the computer's location and they said it sounded good. HOWEVER, they went to see my Uncle's family in Dallas for my cousin's birthday and decided to go a cheaper route and not buy a namebrand computer. So I ended up with this piece of crap that keeps shutting down on me. My Dad has been freaking out for the past two weeks how he knew all along we should have gotten a different computer in the first place and how my grandparents always go the cheaper route even when it means less quality and now my entire college career is jeopardized because I cannot get online. So I spent Saturday messing with my computer, trying to reinstall stuff to see if it was a software problem. It wasn't. My Uncle drove in from Dallas on Sunday and took Windows off, reinstalled it, deleted my C drive (which is a big deal), then created a new one and repartitioned it, Everything SEEMED to work for a brief period of time before my computer decided to do one more mad little dance of irony and shut itself down. Now I am stuck with a computer that doesn't even partially compute and my Dad has to come pick it up to take it to some store called ""Computer Doctor"" and meanwhile he's still ranting about how he was right all along and my Mother should talk my grandparents into getting me a new computer, and if they don't how my parents should because if they don't I'm going to flunk because after all everything is online nowadays, etc. So I wasted my weekend sitting up in my room with my family when I could have been in the music room practicing. And I'm a music major, not computer science, so the music building is where I should be. But my mother wouldn't let me go to the music building because she wanted me to be around while they were messing with my computer. So I didn't practice AT ALL this weekend when my professor says I should practice 4 hours a day at least, and I just got a bunch of new music and now I'm totally screwed for my lesson on Friday. I also am having trouble in my music theory class because my teacher never bothered to tell me what an augmented interval or a diminished interval is, and they expect us to learn this stuff in one night, and since we have the class everyday, it's not like we can procrastinate at all. It's very frustrating. or maybe it's just me. I don't know. All I know is that I haven't even typed for ten minutes yet and I'm still complaining. It's not like I usually procrastinate about anything anyway. I mean, I was valedictorian of my high school, I think I know something about time management. Although, being valedictorian of my school was no terrible feat. I went to all the parties and pulled all the typical high school stunts, and had the highest number of ""unexcused absences"" you could have without being held back. And I wrote my speech at three in the morning the day of graduation. So I guess I know a little about procrastination anyway. But I had a reason for waiting that long really! When it was certain that I was going to be valedictorian, everybody started giving me tips, like they knew what they were talking about. ""Don't make it too long, I'll pay you five dollars to say my name, don't make it too boring. I don't want to sit through some damn boring speech. "" Even friends' parents were giving me tips. Everybody wanted to know what I was going to say, so I just didn't even try to come up with anything until the last minute, so I wouldn't have anything to tell them. Most people like me speech I guess. I worked in a favorite quote of mine by Theodore Roosevelt about how the real cowards are the ones who never try. It's a really encouraging quote, and I always used to repeat it to myself when I went to violin auditions because I am an extremely nervous performer. I also used to repeat that thing from Dune by Frank Herbert that the main character Paul used to say ""I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. "" etc, etc. It always sort of helped me get a grip on myself I guess which I need because I'm a very insecure person. And I'm sure that my typing is annoying my roommate right now because I have to use her computer and she's trying to sleep and her computer is right by where her head is on her bed. It's only 12:34 though, and she always goes to sleep around midnight which I think is weird. But then I'm an insomniac and I can never sleep anyway, so I'm usually up until about three. I also am a coffee addict. have been since the age of seven. I think it usually surprises people that I've been drinking coffee so long, but my Dad used to drink at least a pot a day, to that was a drink that was always available. You'd think it would have stunted my growth, but I'm 5'7"". Then again, my brother is only 15 and he's 5'9"", so maybe I would have been taller. Maybe not. I sort of like my height. Hmm, I've got two minutes to go, and I lost my train of thought, so I guess I'll just keep typing until something comes to me. Oh, I'm listening to the soundtrack from ""Schindler's List"" right now. I totally love that movie and the music makes me cry. Music always makes me emotional, but this cd is played by Itzhak Perlman whom I personally feel is the greatest violinist in the world, although Joshua Bell, who did the soundtrack for the ""Red Violin"" is also really good, but younger so he doesn't have as much experience. I'm sure he will be so much better when he's older though. Well, it's been twenty minutes. It was interesting. a little personal odyssey of the mind there. Bye! ",Thinking styles,Overthinking
2000_556394.txt,"Okay, I am starting to write for this assignment. I don't really know what I'm supposed to write, but I guess it's sort of like a journal and I'm supposed to write whatever I am thinking. I am kind of overwhelmed by school right now. It is so big here, and it's kind scary. I'm used to knowing everyone around, but here I don't know anyone. Friends is on right now. It's pretty funny. I miss being in Houston where everything is normal. I'm not used to the times shows come on here. This sounds really stupid, like I am just rambling on about nothing. Friends is funny. Am I doing this right? I don't know if this is what y'all are asking me to do. I miss John, the guy I am dating from Houston. I don't really want anything serious with him, but I like him a lot so I am kind of confused on what I should do. Should I have my fun and not date someone I really like a lot, or should I date him and maybe miss out on opportunities to have fun at school. I don't know I am not sure. And then there is my exboyfriend Ricky. I don't want to be with him, but sometimes I miss him. I think it is only when I think back on high school I think about the good times we had and I miss that. I also don't like it that maybe I made the wrong choice in not wanting him and moving on. What if I totally regret it in the future, and I want him back, but he doesn't want me. That would be horrible. I don't know. I'm just pretty confused right now. I don't know what I want about anything. It's hard getting used to everything around here. I miss the show 90210. I was just thinking about it for some weird reason. That used to be my favorite show, but it got cancelled. I'm supposed to go to a frat party tonight but I don't know if I'm going to go or not. My roommate doesn't want to go cause she needs to do work. She's the same major as me. She's a pretty good influence on me. She gets me to go to meetings and stuff that I probably wouldn't go to if it weren't for her dragging me to them. I am filming the volley ball game on Saturday for a live broadcast. I'm glad I am getting involved somehow. I tried to get tickets to the OU game, but I couldn't they were already sold out when I was supposed to get them. I'm pretty bored right now. I probably have lots of grammar mistakes in here, but since I'm free writing, I don't think it really matters. At least I hope it doesn't matter. I'm a little scared about grades. I hope tests and stuff are not too hard. I'm not really thinking about anything right now, so I have nothing to right except that I have nothing in my head. This is a little hard; to right only what you are thinking and not thinking of something to write. I'm glad it rained today, it was nice. I love the rain. Ever since I was a life guard I have loved the rain, cause we got to close the pool and sit around getting paid for doing nothing a miss those days, back in the summer of my freshmen year. Everything was so easy back then, it kind of makes me sad thinking about it, but oh well, I guess I'll make new memories, and have a different kind if fun. Okay, well my time is up. ",Thinking styles: Considerate,"Okay, I am starting to write for this assignment. I don't really know what I'm supposed to write, but I guess it's sort of like a journal and I'm supposed to write whatever I am thinking. I am kind of overwhelmed by school right now. It is so big here, and it's kind scary. I'm used to knowing everyone around, but here I don't know anyone. Friends is on right now. It's pretty funny. I miss being in Houston where everything is normal. I'm not used to the times shows come on here. This sounds really stupid, like I am just rambling on about nothing. Friends is funny. Am I doing this right? I don't know if this is what y'all are asking me to do. I miss John, the guy I am dating from Houston. I don't really want anything serious with him, but I like him a lot so I am kind of confused on what I should do. Should I have my fun and not date someone I really like a lot, or should I date him and maybe miss out on opportunities to have fun at school. I don't know I am not sure. And then there is my exboyfriend Ricky. I don't want to be with him, but sometimes I miss him. I think it is only when I think back on high school I think about the good times we had and I miss that. I also don't like it that maybe I made the wrong choice in not wanting him and moving on. What if I totally regret it in the future, and I want him back, but he doesn't want me. That would be horrible. I don't know. I'm just pretty confused right now. I don't know what I want about anything. It's hard getting used to everything around here. I miss the show 90210. I was just thinking about it for some weird reason. That used to be my favorite show, but it got cancelled. I'm supposed to go to a frat party tonight but I don't know if I'm going to go or not. My roommate doesn't want to go cause she needs to do work. She's the same major as me. She's a pretty good influence on me. She gets me to go to meetings and stuff that I probably wouldn't go to if it weren't for her dragging me to them. I am filming the volley ball game on Saturday for a live broadcast. I'm glad I am getting involved somehow. I tried to get tickets to the OU game, but I couldn't they were already sold out when I was supposed to get them. I'm pretty bored right now. I probably have lots of grammar mistakes in here, but since I'm free writing, I don't think it really matters. At least I hope it doesn't matter. I'm a little scared about grades. I hope tests and stuff are not too hard. I'm not really thinking about anything right now, so I have nothing to right except that I have nothing in my head. This is a little hard; to right only what you are thinking and not thinking of something to write. I'm glad it rained today, it was nice. I love the rain. Ever since I was a life guard I have loved the rain, cause we got to close the pool and sit around getting paid for doing nothing a miss those days, back in the summer of my freshmen year. Everything was so easy back then, it kind of makes me sad thinking about it, but oh well, I guess I'll make new memories, and have a different kind if fun. Okay, well my time is up. ",Thinking styles,Considerate
1998_551027.txt,"It is weird to be here because usually people are here and I could visit them but no one is at home. My brother is now doing all the stuff I did last year and it's kind of a weird role reversal. I am also frustrated because I am here and if it was normal circumstances Jared would be here but of course his family decided to take a vacation and they are out of town. and it's so weird and frustrating to be here and not be able to just call him and see him, I guess it is part of the annoying ""sensitivity"" that girls seem to employ. I need to get out of that habit. But, in an hour and a half or so, I will be driving back to UT and bringing my roommate's and also my friends from here. The whole situation did not work out exactly how we planned because I was going to stay here this whole weekend but then Jill's ride got all messed up so if I don't bring her up today I have Chris and Emily who will be very disappointed and I would feel guilty if I just stayed here instead. but actually I kind of just do want to stay here at home for awhile and actually get some stuff done and just relax but I also am torn the other way too. Whatever, my mind is so strange sometimes. and also I am feeling stupid writing all these thoughts down. Am I going to be diagnosed with some kind of disorder by what I've written? rhetorical question. computers can be very frustrating. It is really getting on my nerves that I am not allowed to complete my pretesting requirement on here. at first I couldn't even access the screen to type in my social security number and then when I could do that it won't accept my password or user name. That is all very frustrating and I've tried all these different computers trying to access it. Oh well. Hopefully, I will finally figure it out. As I just skimmed over what I've written thus far, I am worried. The blurb above says there is no right or wrong thing to say but I have before, just done completely the opposite of what was intended on an assignment and I had to redo it so this makes me slightly nervous as to if the content of this is adequate or not. It is very quiet in this area right now and my thoughts seem so loud in comparison since they are all that I can ""hear"" and it all the activity that is going on. This assignment is actually kind of ironic because usually, I do write down everything that is in my head, like my thoughts and my feelings, and it helps me sort things out. It usually angers my friends because then they never know what upset me before because I wouldn't say anything because I'd have to go write it down to figure it out. Yet, while I'm typing this, it seems so forced to have to write down my thoughts. I guess because the ""audience"" I am typing for is so unknown and I feel self conscious of what I write. I just thought about this calculus homework I've been trying to work on for the past hour or so. It is so aggravating to try and understand something and completely fail or only understand a little bit which does nothing for progress toward solving the problem. I guess that is something I miss. I miss my smaller classes where there was always a lot of discussion and interaction. I guess in a way I'm being selfish but I can't help feeling that way. Oh well, I guess I am still in transition but I'm used to everything I just am not sure how much I like everything. well, I guess that is all my thoughts for now. I am so random sometimes. My train of thought that leads me to some comment or question is sometimes so mixed up and completely out of nowhere that I can't even believe how I think of some things. I'm not sure. But I bet a psychologist somewhere could figure that dilemma out. : ) ",Social Awareness: Self-consciousness,"It is weird to be here because usually people are here and I could visit them but no one is at home. My brother is now doing all the stuff I did last year and it's kind of a weird role reversal. I am also frustrated because I am here and if it was normal circumstances Jared would be here but of course his family decided to take a vacation and they are out of town. and it's so weird and frustrating to be here and not be able to just call him and see him, I guess it is part of the annoying ""sensitivity"" that girls seem to employ. I need to get out of that habit. But, in an hour and a half or so, I will be driving back to UT and bringing my roommate's and also my friends from here. The whole situation did not work out exactly how we planned because I was going to stay here this whole weekend but then Jill's ride got all messed up so if I don't bring her up today I have Chris and Emily who will be very disappointed and I would feel guilty if I just stayed here instead. but actually I kind of just do want to stay here at home for awhile and actually get some stuff done and just relax but I also am torn the other way too. Whatever, my mind is so strange sometimes. and also I am feeling stupid writing all these thoughts down. Am I going to be diagnosed with some kind of disorder by what I've written? rhetorical question. computers can be very frustrating. It is really getting on my nerves that I am not allowed to complete my pretesting requirement on here. at first I couldn't even access the screen to type in my social security number and then when I could do that it won't accept my password or user name. That is all very frustrating and I've tried all these different computers trying to access it. Oh well. Hopefully, I will finally figure it out. As I just skimmed over what I've written thus far, I am worried. The blurb above says there is no right or wrong thing to say but I have before, just done completely the opposite of what was intended on an assignment and I had to redo it so this makes me slightly nervous as to if the content of this is adequate or not. It is very quiet in this area right now and my thoughts seem so loud in comparison since they are all that I can ""hear"" and it all the activity that is going on. This assignment is actually kind of ironic because usually, I do write down everything that is in my head, like my thoughts and my feelings, and it helps me sort things out. It usually angers my friends because then they never know what upset me before because I wouldn't say anything because I'd have to go write it down to figure it out. Yet, while I'm typing this, it seems so forced to have to write down my thoughts. I guess because the ""audience"" I am typing for is so unknown and I feel self conscious of what I write. I just thought about this calculus homework I've been trying to work on for the past hour or so. It is so aggravating to try and understand something and completely fail or only understand a little bit which does nothing for progress toward solving the problem. I guess that is something I miss. I miss my smaller classes where there was always a lot of discussion and interaction. I guess in a way I'm being selfish but I can't help feeling that way. Oh well, I guess I am still in transition but I'm used to everything I just am not sure how much I like everything. well, I guess that is all my thoughts for now. I am so random sometimes. My train of thought that leads me to some comment or question is sometimes so mixed up and completely out of nowhere that I can't even believe how I think of some things. I'm not sure. But I bet a psychologist somewhere could figure that dilemma out. : ) ",Social Awareness,Self-consciousness
1999_711103.txt,"I don't know what exactly I am supposed to write about. and I think about how much time I spend trying to perfect everything in my classes, but when does that ever go through. I think that there is so much to do and I have no time to do it it. the stress keeps growing and growing. I am a bad typer so this won't be as long as it should be biut I don't really care I keep fixing my mistakes even thoigh I know I am not supposed to I thik that my hand will start to hurt really soon after so much typeing that I am going to inevitablly have to take a break soon but I ll just keep going psy seems to be an interesting courseso far and I am looking forward to listening to some of the lectures. thinking/ I don't know what else I am supposed to type about so I am going to write words that don't mean anything to me I miss my mom and my family and I miss my exboyfeind even though we had a bad breakup, I don't know if this is approriate for this assigninment or not but I sometimes I think that my thoughts go in weird directions and I think abnormal thoughts that people don't usually think about but then again I am just another teenager who is full of life and evenerygy anf I I someimtes wish that my teenage days were over and I could then setlle down and do something useful with myselfv but I love being young I wouldnt give this up for the world and to know that in a couple of years I am going to be off doing sothing that will whats the word I am looking for effect, thats it, the rest of my life and the way that I live and the people I will be freiends with and the people I will work for what exactly do I have to do to make things work out for me/ what exactly do I have to prove to people to show them that I deserve respect and a good life/ I think this typing is a waste of my time because I am not even getting anything done and I haVE so miuch reading to do and I have better things to do than to type this and no one is even going ot read this it angers me that I have to spnend 20 mins on something no one is even going to look at there are about 600 people in my class and I doiubt anyone will know who I am for a long time f even ever. I wish that I never sined up for this classs as a freshman. I wish I could go home and not be stuck in a place like this and I wish things could change for me. I don't know how I am supposed to think about the way I think. I think thats stupid no one understans fully how the brain works. no one will ever understand the way I work and I wish they would all stop trying. I live my life for everyone else iu thats wrong, but I can't ever live up to any expectauions and it upsets me. I will most likely grow up to become a psyco! thats all. I'm stopping now. Jennifer Nguyen ",Emotions: Anxiety,"I don't know what exactly I am supposed to write about. and I think about how much time I spend trying to perfect everything in my classes, but when does that ever go through. I think that there is so much to do and I have no time to do it it. the stress keeps growing and growing. I am a bad typer so this won't be as long as it should be biut I don't really care I keep fixing my mistakes even thoigh I know I am not supposed to I thik that my hand will start to hurt really soon after so much typeing that I am going to inevitablly have to take a break soon but I ll just keep going psy seems to be an interesting courseso far and I am looking forward to listening to some of the lectures. thinking/ I don't know what else I am supposed to type about so I am going to write words that don't mean anything to me I miss my mom and my family and I miss my exboyfeind even though we had a bad breakup, I don't know if this is approriate for this assigninment or not but I sometimes I think that my thoughts go in weird directions and I think abnormal thoughts that people don't usually think about but then again I am just another teenager who is full of life and evenerygy anf I I someimtes wish that my teenage days were over and I could then setlle down and do something useful with myselfv but I love being young I wouldnt give this up for the world and to know that in a couple of years I am going to be off doing sothing that will whats the word I am looking for effect, thats it, the rest of my life and the way that I live and the people I will be freiends with and the people I will work for what exactly do I have to do to make things work out for me/ what exactly do I have to prove to people to show them that I deserve respect and a good life/ I think this typing is a waste of my time because I am not even getting anything done and I haVE so miuch reading to do and I have better things to do than to type this and no one is even going ot read this it angers me that I have to spnend 20 mins on something no one is even going to look at there are about 600 people in my class and I doiubt anyone will know who I am for a long time f even ever. I wish that I never sined up for this classs as a freshman. I wish I could go home and not be stuck in a place like this and I wish things could change for me. I don't know how I am supposed to think about the way I think. I think thats stupid no one understans fully how the brain works. no one will ever understand the way I work and I wish they would all stop trying. I live my life for everyone else iu thats wrong, but I can't ever live up to any expectauions and it upsets me. I will most likely grow up to become a psyco! thats all. I'm stopping now. Jennifer Nguyen ",Emotions,Anxiety
2000_556394.txt,"Okay, I am starting to write for this assignment. I don't really know what I'm supposed to write, but I guess it's sort of like a journal and I'm supposed to write whatever I am thinking. I am kind of overwhelmed by school right now. It is so big here, and it's kind scary. I'm used to knowing everyone around, but here I don't know anyone. Friends is on right now. It's pretty funny. I miss being in Houston where everything is normal. I'm not used to the times shows come on here. This sounds really stupid, like I am just rambling on about nothing. Friends is funny. Am I doing this right? I don't know if this is what y'all are asking me to do. I miss John, the guy I am dating from Houston. I don't really want anything serious with him, but I like him a lot so I am kind of confused on what I should do. Should I have my fun and not date someone I really like a lot, or should I date him and maybe miss out on opportunities to have fun at school. I don't know I am not sure. And then there is my exboyfriend Ricky. I don't want to be with him, but sometimes I miss him. I think it is only when I think back on high school I think about the good times we had and I miss that. I also don't like it that maybe I made the wrong choice in not wanting him and moving on. What if I totally regret it in the future, and I want him back, but he doesn't want me. That would be horrible. I don't know. I'm just pretty confused right now. I don't know what I want about anything. It's hard getting used to everything around here. I miss the show 90210. I was just thinking about it for some weird reason. That used to be my favorite show, but it got cancelled. I'm supposed to go to a frat party tonight but I don't know if I'm going to go or not. My roommate doesn't want to go cause she needs to do work. She's the same major as me. She's a pretty good influence on me. She gets me to go to meetings and stuff that I probably wouldn't go to if it weren't for her dragging me to them. I am filming the volley ball game on Saturday for a live broadcast. I'm glad I am getting involved somehow. I tried to get tickets to the OU game, but I couldn't they were already sold out when I was supposed to get them. I'm pretty bored right now. I probably have lots of grammar mistakes in here, but since I'm free writing, I don't think it really matters. At least I hope it doesn't matter. I'm a little scared about grades. I hope tests and stuff are not too hard. I'm not really thinking about anything right now, so I have nothing to right except that I have nothing in my head. This is a little hard; to right only what you are thinking and not thinking of something to write. I'm glad it rained today, it was nice. I love the rain. Ever since I was a life guard I have loved the rain, cause we got to close the pool and sit around getting paid for doing nothing a miss those days, back in the summer of my freshmen year. Everything was so easy back then, it kind of makes me sad thinking about it, but oh well, I guess I'll make new memories, and have a different kind if fun. Okay, well my time is up. ",Emotions: Overwhelm,"Okay, I am starting to write for this assignment. I don't really know what I'm supposed to write, but I guess it's sort of like a journal and I'm supposed to write whatever I am thinking. I am kind of overwhelmed by school right now. It is so big here, and it's kind scary. I'm used to knowing everyone around, but here I don't know anyone. Friends is on right now. It's pretty funny. I miss being in Houston where everything is normal. I'm not used to the times shows come on here. This sounds really stupid, like I am just rambling on about nothing. Friends is funny. Am I doing this right? I don't know if this is what y'all are asking me to do. I miss John, the guy I am dating from Houston. I don't really want anything serious with him, but I like him a lot so I am kind of confused on what I should do. Should I have my fun and not date someone I really like a lot, or should I date him and maybe miss out on opportunities to have fun at school. I don't know I am not sure. And then there is my exboyfriend Ricky. I don't want to be with him, but sometimes I miss him. I think it is only when I think back on high school I think about the good times we had and I miss that. I also don't like it that maybe I made the wrong choice in not wanting him and moving on. What if I totally regret it in the future, and I want him back, but he doesn't want me. That would be horrible. I don't know. I'm just pretty confused right now. I don't know what I want about anything. It's hard getting used to everything around here. I miss the show 90210. I was just thinking about it for some weird reason. That used to be my favorite show, but it got cancelled. I'm supposed to go to a frat party tonight but I don't know if I'm going to go or not. My roommate doesn't want to go cause she needs to do work. She's the same major as me. She's a pretty good influence on me. She gets me to go to meetings and stuff that I probably wouldn't go to if it weren't for her dragging me to them. I am filming the volley ball game on Saturday for a live broadcast. I'm glad I am getting involved somehow. I tried to get tickets to the OU game, but I couldn't they were already sold out when I was supposed to get them. I'm pretty bored right now. I probably have lots of grammar mistakes in here, but since I'm free writing, I don't think it really matters. At least I hope it doesn't matter. I'm a little scared about grades. I hope tests and stuff are not too hard. I'm not really thinking about anything right now, so I have nothing to right except that I have nothing in my head. This is a little hard; to right only what you are thinking and not thinking of something to write. I'm glad it rained today, it was nice. I love the rain. Ever since I was a life guard I have loved the rain, cause we got to close the pool and sit around getting paid for doing nothing a miss those days, back in the summer of my freshmen year. Everything was so easy back then, it kind of makes me sad thinking about it, but oh well, I guess I'll make new memories, and have a different kind if fun. Okay, well my time is up. ",Emotions,Overwhelm
2002_805223.txt,     cold air quietness stress sad unreal computer pictures home stress  family death uncle sadness vietnam feelings coldness alone isolation fear homework worry help not enough time catch up freedom working no homework looking for room to breath need help afraid to ask tired not enough sleep psychology subject intriguing need more time to do other homework need notes from other people tired weak wanting to go home don't want to stay here too long want to go back home miss the people back home friends family lost hard heat hear footsteps just a stranger wanting to go home chips smell like onions hungry but already ate about five minutes ago need time to study too many tests coming up need more time too tired want to go somewhere else but here feeling sick nauseous feel a major heading coming forth need time need time bored want to go somewhere else tired bored tired bored bored want to do something else ,Emotions: Anxiety,     cold air quietness stress sad unreal computer pictures home stress  family death uncle sadness vietnam feelings coldness alone isolation fear homework worry help not enough time catch up freedom working no homework looking for room to breath need help afraid to ask tired not enough sleep psychology subject intriguing need more time to do other homework need notes from other people tired weak wanting to go home don't want to stay here too long want to go back home miss the people back home friends family lost hard heat hear footsteps just a stranger wanting to go home chips smell like onions hungry but already ate about five minutes ago need time to study too many tests coming up need more time too tired want to go somewhere else but here feeling sick nauseous feel a major heading coming forth need time need time bored want to go somewhere else tired bored tired bored bored want to do something else ,Emotions,Anxiety
2000_550042.txt,"So, I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. I wonder what I'm supposed to write about. Thousands of ideas enter my mind, but one completely stands out. My roommate is again in a fight with her boyfriend. How can one person have so much anger trapped up inside of them? How can one person be so hurt and so hurtful to or from another. I know that I sometimes get in fights with my boyfriend. But they are nothing like this. I just don't really understand her sometimes. She complains that they don't talk enough, but when they are on the phone  they have absolutely nothing to talk about. What else is new, all she does is sit around in the room waiting for him to call all of the time. I go to class, come back, and there she sits still. I just can't do that. I mean, I'm dedicated and love my boyfriend, but not to the point of putting my own happiness and life on the line for one person. I don't think that I'm selfish, I feel like I have my priorities straighter. Except I happen to be the one without the degree plan that everyone else already has set up. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many opportunities out there, how do you know deadon what you would like to be? My interests change daytoday. One day I want to do this, then the next day it's this other thing. The only sure thing and deadmindset thing that I'm involved with is my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time, and I've never felt as strong about anyone as I feel about him. We make all these plans for our future together that I hope come true. But they are only things that I want right now. I would love to marry this guy, I've been settled down for over a year now, and I'm happy this way. We both adjusted our lives for each other. I just wish the time was here. But I can't help to think of that continuous thought in the back of my head, of what if. I am extremely superstitious. I believe that there is a reason why we met each other, and every event that has happened since, has. But maybe I don't always get what I want because I'm supposed to meet someone else while he is not around. I have never been happier in my life, and I am always afraid of change. This move down here to college shuck me up enough. Now things are finally getting settled and I'm meeting tons of people, but I don't know whether or not I should dedicate my time to what I am giving it to. I make time for everyone, but not always for everyone. I keep a lot of time to myself. I hate having to turn people down, but it seems as if I am always doing that. Tomorrow my friend invited me over for dinner, and that should be a lot of fun. We have kind of lost touch, and it should be good for us to get back into the swing of things. Well, I think that has been twenty minutes. I hope you enjoyed my ""interesting"" train of thought. ",Emotions: Happiness,"So, I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. I wonder what I'm supposed to write about. Thousands of ideas enter my mind, but one completely stands out. My roommate is again in a fight with her boyfriend. How can one person have so much anger trapped up inside of them? How can one person be so hurt and so hurtful to or from another. I know that I sometimes get in fights with my boyfriend. But they are nothing like this. I just don't really understand her sometimes. She complains that they don't talk enough, but when they are on the phone  they have absolutely nothing to talk about. What else is new, all she does is sit around in the room waiting for him to call all of the time. I go to class, come back, and there she sits still. I just can't do that. I mean, I'm dedicated and love my boyfriend, but not to the point of putting my own happiness and life on the line for one person. I don't think that I'm selfish, I feel like I have my priorities straighter. Except I happen to be the one without the degree plan that everyone else already has set up. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many opportunities out there, how do you know deadon what you would like to be? My interests change daytoday. One day I want to do this, then the next day it's this other thing. The only sure thing and deadmindset thing that I'm involved with is my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time, and I've never felt as strong about anyone as I feel about him. We make all these plans for our future together that I hope come true. But they are only things that I want right now. I would love to marry this guy, I've been settled down for over a year now, and I'm happy this way. We both adjusted our lives for each other. I just wish the time was here. But I can't help to think of that continuous thought in the back of my head, of what if. I am extremely superstitious. I believe that there is a reason why we met each other, and every event that has happened since, has. But maybe I don't always get what I want because I'm supposed to meet someone else while he is not around. I have never been happier in my life, and I am always afraid of change. This move down here to college shuck me up enough. Now things are finally getting settled and I'm meeting tons of people, but I don't know whether or not I should dedicate my time to what I am giving it to. I make time for everyone, but not always for everyone. I keep a lot of time to myself. I hate having to turn people down, but it seems as if I am always doing that. Tomorrow my friend invited me over for dinner, and that should be a lot of fun. We have kind of lost touch, and it should be good for us to get back into the swing of things. Well, I think that has been twenty minutes. I hope you enjoyed my ""interesting"" train of thought. ",Emotions,Happiness