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44 INCH CHEST Written by Louis Mellis & David Scinto PROLOGUE Stagnant black water ... Greasy. Pitch. Thick. Oily. Dense. Heavy... Lapping... Slow.... A desolate canal... Night. Onto dark stones... rain-slicked... darkest slate-grey cobbles... And on through streets... Narrow. Grimy. Sooty. Rank... Deserted... Pastal-disused Victorian broken-windowed, derelict buildings and wharf side warehouses with rotten oaky loading beams and rusted iron chains... Mossy, mildewed walls... Dripping fetid water from corroded dilapidated ancient ruined guttering... Moving... Turning... Into a pinched, arched, alleyway -- If anything darker, blacker... Foreboding... Forsaken... And if we listen -- If we strain our ears -- listen -- we can hear music -- faint. Ghostly. Haunting ... "Take Me Back To Dear Ol' Blighty " as if sung by a jolly girl in a long gone bar surrounded by drunken men... We keep moving... The music growing... In the distance a faint glow.... Dirty-yellow, diffused, misty light... We move towards it... Towards the piss-coloured light... We stop... In the middle of nowhere... Dark nowhere... and the music fades... Fades away... Vanished... Extreme silence... All we have is all we can see... The gable end of an old house.... Limey-light bleeding weakly from a broken, filthy window... All is still -- suddenly it comes crashing down -- the end wall comes crashing down - a flurry of bricks and mortar... Crashing down... The tumble of masonry... And through clouds of brick-dust and rubble we see figures inside... Through a smokey powdered fog we can see a group of men in the downstairs room of the derelict house... On the walls faded 40's wallpaper, peeling in parts to reveal older dim patterns... damp patches... A window crudely boarded up... A few unmatched armchairs in various states of disrepair -- a 60's black vinyl, a deco-patterned smoker, a 70's cream plastic, a brown wooden kitchen chair etc... The colours in the room are browns, greys, caramels, darks, muted... In the middle of the room, standing on dusty, bare wooden floorboards, his fist clenched aggressively by his sides, is OLD MAN PEANUT, aged 80... Skinny... Wearing a dark three piece suit... Gold watch chain... Black Homburg... He is squaring up to us... Staring... 3.CONTINUED: (2) Slightly behind, to his left, sitting nonchalantly cross- legged in a battered brown leather wingback armchair and casually smoking a Davidoff cigarette, is MEREDITH, late 40's... Suave... Immaculate... Wearing black handmade boots, black Saville Row suit, black cashmere roll neck sweater, herring bone overcoat with a black velvet collar, brown leather gloves, his jet-black hair is heavily brilliantined.... Behind him an old wardrobe... Standing with his back three quarters to us, and leaning on a broken, chipped, mantelpiece over a smashed tiled fireplace is ARCHIE, aged 52... Big... Avuncular... Wearing a car coat and casual nondescript clothes... he is pouring himself a Captain Morgan's rum from a bottle into a polystyrene cup... He sort of sees us -- is not fussed -- drinks... Standing at the back of the room, in front of a door which * has at some time been on fire, (it's yellowing, tobacco-ey paint charred and blistered), is MAL, aged mid-40's... Wearing a silver-grey suit, white shirt, duck-egg blue silk tie... There is another man in the room but we do not see his face -- for he s its slu mpe d, h ead in his han ds in o ne of t he armchairs - a picture of despair. He wears an olive green shirt, brown trousers, maroon braces... This is COLIN, aged late 40's... CUT TO Blackness and silence... In the silent black an outsize boot appears - scuffed and tatty... Attached to skinny legs in black tights... The legs gangle and flip pulling into view a bony, pasty, bare torso which is undulating oddly -- and here comes the head! - Long, lank, shoulder length hair... Dripping from a white domed pate - The face poker straight in contrast to the comedic body- antics -- A grave-grey face -- Fleshy, bulbous, rubbery... Ladies and Gentlemen -- MAX WALL! He goon-walks about for a bit in the black space... Baboon- bottomed... As if knees tied together... Aflickin' and akickin' his clown boots... His unhappy face... Like death... Prancing... Ridiculous dancing... Absurd... Giant C/U on his morose contorted phizzog... MAX (Directly to us... darkly) ...Evenin'! CUT TO Music... Loud... "BREED" by NIRVANA... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 4. CONTINUED: (3) CUT TO TITLE 44' CHEST in Caucasian-flesh-coloured writing on black... We see chest hairs in the lettering... CUT TO1 INT LIVING ROOM DETACHED SUBURBAN VILLA NIGHT 1 * MUSIC... `WITHOUT YOU' by NILSSON... We are out of focus on purple... white... scattered sparkling "jewels"? begin to come into focus and we see that they are in fact pieces of broken glass... Thousands of splinters and shards strewn across a purple Wilton carpet... the white fur of a luxurious sheepskin rug in bits... Ripped to shreds... In extreme C/U we begin to move along the floor slowly taking in mor e de bri s of d est ru ct io n... Sm as he d c ha ir s... Sm as he d photographs... Broken records... Ripped, shredded record sleeves -- `THE POWER OF LOVE' by JENNIFER RUSH -- `HOPELESSLY DEVOTED TO YOU' by OLIVIA NEWTON JOHN -- `I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU' by WHITNEY HOUSTON etc. The TV remote smashed to smithereens... The television -- widescreen -- TOTALLED!... We move along the plush `World of Leather' leather sofa... See that a chunk has been bitten out of it... See teeth marks -- like a bite out of cheese!... Moving on past an area of slashed carpet and underfelt... Approaching the legs of a si deboard and see ing into the bla ckness underneath... We can just make out the quizzical, frightened eyes of a white poodle... We move on... Past twisted, wrecked lampshades... Broken plates, ornaments... An up-ended vase of half-eaten flowers... NILSSON continues his self-pitying overwrought ballad and as he hits the massive, masochistic chorus/crescendo we come across COLIN lying rigid on his back in the corner of the devastated room... His shocked eyes staring wildly... His body petrified. Paralysed... As if frozen at the height of an epileptic fit -- Like something from Pompeii -- Like Max Schrek as Nosferatu hit by light... We stay on COLIN... His uncomprehending terror-filled eyes... His sheer rigor mortis-like horror... We move in on him... Into the black of his eyes... The tragic, agonised black.. CROSS FADE TO 5.2 EXT DETACHED SUBURBAN VILLA NIGHT 2 * We are outside, square on to an upstairs window of a detached suburban villa... We hear muffled sounds from inside the house... Yells... Screaming... Cries... Commotion... And suddenly the glass window explodes towards us as a desperate terrified woman comes crashing through... Having run full pelt to escape from something... This is LIZ, aged 44... CUT TO3 INT LIVING ROOM SMALL TERRACED HOUSE NIGHT 3 Television on... ARCHIE'S MUM aged 80 is eating soup from a tray on her lap... ARCHIE, aproned, watches on fondly... ARCHIE ...'Ow's that, Mum? MUM `S gorgeous, Archie! ARCHIE Put hairs on your chest, that will!... Pananarama'll be on soon -- after the new s... Da vi d Dim bl e- bim bl eb y! Your favourite! MUM (Pleased... eating) What is this? ARCHIE That -- Mulligatawny! King of soups! MUM `S nice! Now a phone rings elsewhere in the house... ARCHIE Whoops -- there's me mobilius! `Scuse I!... He leaves the room... Goes into the darkened pokey hallway... Takes his mobile phone from his car-coat pocket... Answers... ARCHIE (CONT'D) ...Who is this?... I'm not understandin' ya!... I'm not getting' ya!... `Ooever you are, stop cryin'!... Stop it! Listen -- I wanna help you... but I can't help you if I don't know who you are... and what you're on ab out ! W hat a re yo u on ab ou t? ... (listens)... Yeah, Archie, that's me... slow down... we'll get there much quicker if you -- ( re al is es ) -- Col? (MORE) 6.3 CONTINUED: 3 ARCHIE (CONT'D) Colin ?!... Wha's happened?... (alarmed) Whaaat?!... No?!... When?!... CUT TO4 INT LIVING ROOM DETACHED SUBURBAN VILLA NIGHT 4 Music `WITHOUT YOU' by NILSSON... COLIN, as before, lying in the wrecked room... The music ends... Suddenly we hear ARCHIE'S voice ... ARCHIE'S VOICE (Gently) ... Col... Col... C'mon mate this is no good... Colin... We now see ARCHIE sitting in a nearby armchair, smoking, patient... ARCHIE ... C'mon mate, you can't lie `ere forever! The rigid COLIN, ignoring him, has suddenly, belatedly, realised that the music has stopped... Desperately needing his friend, NILSSON -- like a man in excruciating pain reaching for a gallon of morphine, he frantically, urgently twists his body on the floor and reaching behind, hammers the play button on the nearby ghetto blaster... And slowly, gently, kindly, the piano intro of NILSSON'S gorgeous wallow re- commences... Colin, somewhat soothed, eases back into his former rigid, mortified position. CUT TO5 INT LUXURIOUS THAMESIDE PENTHOUSE NIGHT 5 * MEREDITH, sits on a sofa staring intently at another man on * an opposite sofa. A phone begins to ring. * CUT TO6 INT HUGE TASTEFULLY DECORATED LIVING SPACE PENTHOUSE NIGHT 6 The phone continues to ring... * MEREDITH `Allo?... (amiable) `Allo, Arch!... CUT TO7 INT VAN DAY 7 We are on MAL in the back of the scruffy van seated on the wheelbase... Opposite him is MEREDITH calmly smoking ... ARCHIE drives... COLIN slumped beside him in the passenger seat... 7.7 CONTINUED: 7 ARCHIE (concerned) You alright, Col? But COLIN is sobbing... quietly sobbing... sobbing his heart out... ARCHIE looks in the rear view mirror at MAL... Who in turn looks to MEREDITH who calmly smokes raising an eyebrow... Now the van swings into a cul-de-sac, headlights illuminating a row of tatty garages and picking out OLD MAN PEANUT who stands there stony-faced... MAL opens the rear door... OLD MAN PEANUT clambers in... ARCHIE throws the van into reverse and takes off again.... CUT TO8 EXT/INT VAN HIGH STREET DAY 8 The van double-parked engine running ... COLIN still slumped in his seat staring teary-eyed at the dash-board... MEREDITH and OLD MAN PEANUT in the back focused on the exterior of an Italian restaurant... CUT TO9 INT FRENCH RESTAURANT DAY 9 * Busy, bustling atmosphere... Customers becoming aware of a co mm o ti on at t h e ba c k of th e r es t au ra n t... N o w th e ir consternation grows as MAL who has got hold of one of the waiters (we cannot see his face as his red shirt has ridden up over his head in the struggle) is violently, relentlessly, frog-marching him at great pace towards the door... We are with ARCHIE overseeing the 'operation'... Staff terrified... Customers alarmed... ARCHIE wheels round wielding an outsize pepper grinder like a club... Crash/zoom in on him... ARCHIE (Menacingly) Just get on with yer meals! Concentrate on your snails! * He too backs out of the door... CUT BACK TO...10 EXT/INT VAN HIGH STREET DAY 10 MEREDITH and OLD MAN PEANUT watching as MAL, THE WAITER and ARCHIE spill onto the street... ARCHIE discarding the giant pepper grinder as he goes... THE HAPLESS WAITER is bundled into the back of the van... ARCHIE gets in... It drives off... CUT TO 8.11 EXT STREET OUTSIDE CORNER SHOP SUNNY DAY 11 ARCHIE, holding a carrier bag of shopping, is in conversation with another man, BIGGY WALPOLE, aged 58, wears tweed sports jacket, cavalry twills, brown suede brogues, handlebar moust- ache, Daily Mail under his arm, his dog ROSEMARY, a wire- haired terrier, by his side... BIGGY ...That's a bad show. ARCHIE 'S a fuckin' bad show... He couldn't do nothin'... like a wet lettuce! (they both shake their heads) BIGGY Liz, eh? - Who'da thought it?!... Poor Colin! (PAU SE) S o you 're b ack t here tonight then? ARCHIE (Wearily) Yup, back again... Round two... Poor bastard... anyway... Anyway... BIGGY Cuckoldry - Cuckoldry - terrible word! - Terrible Thing!... Is he up to it d'you think? Will he do it? ARCHIE (Protective) Oh, he'll do it! He'll do it! He'll kill 'im! 'S gotta in'he?! Just needs a bit of time that's all - get over the shock... Oh, he'll do it - no question! BIGGY Well g ive h im my rega rds.. . Sen d my condolences. ARCHIE I will - I will, Bigg - I'll pass them on. BIGGY (Almost to himself. Suddenly sinister) ... Meredith, eh?... Meredith. ARCHIE ... And Mal ... and Peanut ... and me... BIGGY ... Meredith. 9.11 CONTINUED: 11 ARCHIE (Changing the subject) 'Ow's Rosemary? BIGGY ... I dunno... ask her! ARCHIE (Looking down at the dog) Allo, Rosemary... 'Ow's you? We are on ROSEMARY'S expectant face looking up at ARCHIE ... Over this we hear... BIGGY'S DOGGIE VOICE (Gruff) I'm alright, 'spose -- thanks for askin'. ARCHIE (To Rosemary) 'S he lookin' after you? Keepin' you in sausages? We are on ROSEMARY... BIGGY'S DOGGIE VOICE What this cunt?!! Jokin' intchya?! - If he opens another tin of Chum, I'm gonna bite his bollocks off! ARCHIE smiles. Looks back to BIGGY... BIGGY (Tuts) Charmin'! ARCHIE (Beginning to move off) ...Well I'll catch ya later, Biggy ... Bye Rosemary! BIGGY (Beginning to walk off in the other direction) Toodle pip! ARCHIE is walking away... BIGGY and ROSEMARY in the other direction... Suddenly BIGGY stop's... turns... stares darkly at the departing figure of ARCHIE who ambles off unaware... BIGGY is staring with such hatred... we move in on his face... His hating face... we are close up... he stares just off camera... seems he is growling... low... primal growls... and now his hand, claw-like, comes into frame... he is reaching towards us... threatening-ly ... and slowly his hating eyes follow... and he is staring right at us... CUT TO. Pink Revised 21st May 2008 10.12 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 12 The room is as described in the prologue albeit with gable wall intact... MAL stands by the crumbling mantelpiece his back to the room... Touches the back of his head as if something has brushed against him... Over this we hear... ARCHIE'S VOICE ...Bells, aintcha? MAL glances over his shoulder... ARCHIE is crouching over and sorting through a card-board box containing various bottles of spirits... MAL Yeah, that's me... or Teachers!... This is beginnin' to piss me off, this is! ARCHIE And me!... 'Ere y'are! MAL is handed a bottle of Bells whiskey - he slumps in one of the armchairs... Opens the bottle... MAL ...I mean, I'm sorry for the cunt an' all that but there's no point in draggin' it out, is there?... We're goin' round in circles!... Fair do's, the guy's hurtin' but fuck me! ARCHIE I know, I know... it's mental! MAL Shit 'appens... deal with it! ARCHIE 'Ow's your hand? MAL (Flexing his fist) 'S throbbin' like fuck!...' Ad it in a bowl of iced water when I got back ... It's my own fuckin' fault! ARCHIE That'll teach ya! (PAUSE)... He was on the phone to me last night...'our and a 'alf!... Woke me up!..."Cunt" this and "cunt" that ... r eckon ed he coul dn't sle ep .. pi ss ed ou t of hi s hea d! .. . Talkin' a load of cobblers!... Doesn't know where he is! MAL I been there! 11.12 CONTINUED: 12 ARCHIE Not like this!... Not like `im!... Not like Colin!... Not like Colin Diamond! CUT TO13 EXT DARK RAIN SOAKED DESERTED OLD STS & ALLEYS NIGHT 13 Back view of a rain-coated man slowly walking the bleak ancient streets.... We follow him... Over this we hear... ARCHIE'S VOICE ...Believe me, you shoulda heard `im... fuckin'ell... On and on!... Tellin' me 'is fuckin' dreams! - Get this - He's in a phone box - only it's not a phone box -- it's her cunt! The man turns a corner and we see his face... Sad, sorry, lost, self -pit yin g, b een thr oug h th e m ill. .. This is COL IN DIAMOND... CUT BACK TO14 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 14 ARCHIE and MAL as before... MAL Her what? ARCHIE Yeah!... With teeth!... No, pardon me, so r ry , l e t' s g e t t hi s r i gh t - no t teeth... Dentures! MAL Dentures! ARCHIE Dentures!... Her cunt's got dentures! MAL Jesus Christ! ARCHIE Oh, yeah!... CUT BACK TO15 EXT DARK RAIN SOAKED DESERTED OLD STS & ALLEYS NIGHT 15 The lonely figure of COLIN walks... ARCHIE'S VOICE ... Snappin'... Clackin' at 'im... On 'im... (MORE) Pink Revised 21st May 2008 12.15 CONTINUED: 15 ARCHIE'S VOICE (CONT'D) Nibblin' his arse... Bitin' his balls... I was tryin' not to laugh... I'm knackered -- It's 'alf three in the fuckin' mornin' hearin' this shit! MAL'S VOICE Fuckin' `ell! COLIN walks under an old iron bridge... ARCHIE'S VOICE That's right!... It goes on... A door opens... In walks a cock -- Yeah, you heard, a cock!... In walks a cock!... Massive... Not his - guess who's?... That's right!... Fuck's sake!... Then he's on a plane... Club class... 'avin' is dinner... dressed as a clown!... COLIN stops... Lost in thought... Staring down at/into puddles... ARCHIE'S VOICE (CONT'D) ...Big red nose!... Like Ronald fuckin' McDonald!... Waitress comes up the aisle, starts punchin' im in the head!! Big C/U on COLIN'S little boy lost face... ARCHIE'S VOICE (CONT'D) ...You make sense of it... It's fuckin' tragic! CUT BACK TO16 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 16 ARCHIE and MAL as before... MAL He needs pullin' back... He's on the slippery slope... We better watch'im ... (slight pause)... Dressed as a clown?! ARCHIE Fuckin' Coco, mate! Immediately the door opens and COLIN enters... Atmosphere. He take s of f h is M ac. .. A nd sits in one of the ba tter ed armchairs... ARCHIE and MAL look at each other... ARCHIE (CONT'D) ...Alright, Col? COLIN grunts... ARCHIE resumes sorting through the cardboard box... MAL lights up... smokes... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 13.16 CONTINUED: 16 ARCHIE (CONT'D) (Holding up a near empty bottle of Smirnoff) ...He is vodka, Old Man Peanut, I'n'e? MAL Yeah, he's vodka ARCHIE (Showing Mal the bottle) Cor, he's taken a sizeable lump outa this look... COLIN (Surly) You can look at me, you know... I'm not invisible! MAL (Jokingly looking around the room) Who said that? The three men smile ... MAL and ARCHIE look at COLIN... ARCHIE (Kindly) You alright, son? COLIN (None too convincingly) I'm bearing up, Arch, I'm bearing up. MAL It's never easy, mate, its never easy. Silence... COLIN Give us a fuckin' drink! ARCHIE tosses him a bottle. ARCHIE 'Ere y'are, brandy... Doctor's orders! COLIN opens it and drinks... ARCHIE and MAL watch him intently... COLIN (Paranoid) What are you starin' at?... 'Ave I got a knob on my forehead or somethin'?! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 14.16 CONTINUED: (2) 16 MAL Shut up, Colin! You're amongst friends... Don't make this any more difficult than it already is... Y'hear me?... Y'hear me?... Colin?... Look at me... COLIN (Grudgingly) ...I hear you. ARCHIE C'mon, mate, be brave. COLIN ... Yeah... I will... I've got to ain'i? ARCHIE That's the stuff! MAL That's the spirit! COLIN I can' t bel ieve it... I st ill c an't bel ie ve it .. . I j us t c an 't fu ck in ' believe it... MAL Yeah, I know, it's unbelievable... It's like a bad dream, innit? ARCHIE and MAL look at each other... knowingly... ARCHIE Where's Old Man fuckin' Peanut? Suddenly the doo r flies open an d there stands O LD MAN PEANUT... OMP I'm fuckin' here!... That's where he is!... Cunt! MAL Sorry, Pop... We wondered where you was. OMP Don't Pop me!... I'm fuckin'.ere!... Give's a fuckin' drink... Bunch o' cunts! OLD MAN PEANUT sits... ARCHIE takes him the bottle of vodka and a plastic cup... stands over him... ARCHIE D'you want me to pour it for you? 15.16 CONTINUED: (3) 16 OMP (Snatching the bottle and cup) Give it 'ere!... Treat me like a fuckin' cunt!... Tosser! ARCHIE shrugs... OMP (CONT'D) (indicating Colin) ...'Ow is he, alright? MAL Yeah, he's doin' good... Aintcha, Colin? COLIN (Weakly) Yeah, I'm good. ...OLD MAN PEANUT gets up ... goes over to him... stares him in the eyes... OMP You get it together, you cunt!... You hear me?... Eh?... (slaps COLIN)... Get it to-fucking-gether!... We can't 'ave this.. . Can 't' a ve it !...Y ou we re a fuckin' disgrace last night! Inept!... Tonight the kid gloves are off... Show some fuckin' backbone! - You're a man... Fucking act like one! ARCHIE He'll get there... He'll get there. OMP (Vociferously) ...And the bloodied slave rose to 'is feet, thrust his hand into 'is defiant chest, tore out `is own heart and threw it at the aggressor, sayin' "Free from bondage!... Free from fuckin' bondage' you CUNT!!"... Eh?... Eh?... MAL (Offhand) Yeah, you're right, Pop. OMP Eh! .. . F uc ki n' ri gh t I 'm r igh t! .. . Fuckin' right I'm fuckin' right!... It's th e s t ro n g t ha t s h al l i n he r it th e earth... Not the fuckin' weak!... ARCHIE (Flat ... Patent) You tell 'em! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 16.16 CONTINUED: (4) 16 OMP Not the fuckin' weak! MAL Yeah, well, whatever ... But this's gotta be finished tonight cos I'm busy tomorrow OMP (Riled) You break every other fuckin engagement ... Every other fuckin' engagement! ... This! ... This takes top priority! ... Above everything ... Everything!...'Til this is done and dusted ... Put to bed... Lai d to re st .. No bo dy do es fu ck in ' nothin' but this! ... This - This is where we are... 'Ere! ... Now! ... This.. Where's fuckin' Meredith? ARCHIE He's late. OMP Late? Late!.. No such fuckin' word!... And I'll tell you this ... If Brighton Billy - God rest his tortured soul - had ever caught anyone being late ... He would've cut their eyelids off, stuck 'em in a f uc k in ' s a ck wi t h a s n ak e , a cockerel and a dog and chucked 'em in the fuckin' sea! MAL Charmin! OMP (Vehement) It was! It fuckin' was!... That was how it was! ... Believe you me - Once he'd made up his mind, that was it!... That was it !... Nothi n wou ld sw ay 'i m... Nothin!.. No surrender!... Immovable he was!... Immovable! A mountain!... A fu c ki n ' C ol o ss u s! . .. Yo u h e ar me , Colin?... A fuckin' giant!... A Titan!... Spectacular!... My God!! COLIN (Miles away) I can't believe it ... I still can't believe it... OMP (T h r o w in g h i s h a n d s u p i n despair) OOWW!! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 17.16 CONTINUED: (5) 16 Suddenly the wardrobe wobbles... Creaks... They all turn to look at it... Faint sounds of struggle from within... It stops... Is still... Silence eventually... ARCHIE (Peer ing i nto t he c ardbo ard box... Nonplussed) Who wants crisps? CUT TO17 EXT GRASS VERGE BY ELEVATED MOTORWAY RAIN NIGHT 17 Sounds o f traffi c... LIZ is try ing to s cramble up the embankment ... Trying... Failing ... She is cold, wet, muddy, bloody ... No shoes ... Her white dress torn and blood-soaked ... She tries to climb ... In vain ... Slips in the mud ... No strength ... Cries in frustration... Falls on her back... Lies there...still ... Curls up... Above her the traffic zooms by. CUT TO18 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 18 Now t he do or o pe ns. .. M ER EDI TH s ta nds f ra me d b y th e doorway... Immaculately dressed... A wry smile... He raises his arm in a Romanesque salute... MEREDITH Salutee! OMP (Mouthful of crisps) You're late! MEREDITH So sue me!... * He sits... Looks around the room. MEREDITH (CONT'D) ...Cor, fuck me - Deja Vu!... * (studies OLD MAN PEANUT) * ... You enjoying those? OMP (Munching) Fuck off! MEREDITH smiles... MEREDITH ...So, Kittens, what's happenin? MAL More of the same. Pink Revised 21st May 2008 18.18 CONTINUED: 18 MEREDITH How are you today, Colin? ... You look terrible! OMP He's good ... He's fuckin' strong. MEREDITH Oh, that's good... That is good... He don't look it! MAL No, he's alright... He's alright. ARCHIE Better than 'e was last night!! JUMP CUT TO18A EXT DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 18A *19 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 19 COLIN slumped in an armchair... See the men... ARCHIE 'Ere Meredith, I bumped into Biggy Walpole this mornin'. He was askin' after you... MEREDITH Was he?... That's funny... He hates me! ARCHIE Does he? ... Didn't seem like it... OMP (Sneeringly to Meredith) 'S he an iron an' all? MEREDITH (Staring at OMP) ... Not sure... Is he, Arch? ARCHIE Oo, Biggy?... Don't think so... MEREDITH (Staring at OMP) Arch doesn't think so, Pea... OLD MAN PEANUT snorts derisively ... MEREDITH turns to ARCHIE MEREDITH (CONT) (CONT'D) ... What was he wearin'? Pink Revised 21st May 2008 19.19 CONTINUED: 19 ARCHIE ... Dunno... Jacket? Suddenly ... From his armchair... COLIN I get waves... MEREDITH Jacket? COLIN ...Up and down... ARCHIE Tweedy... COLIN ...state of me... MEREDITH Tweedy, eh? COLIN All I ever did was love 'er ... Now the men all look to COLIN ... pause... COLIN (CONT'D) * ... Maybe I loved 'er too much ... * Maybe that's it ... * CUT TO20 EXT DRIVEWAY DETACHED SUBURBAN VILLA PREVIOUS DUSK 20 COLIN is opening the back doors of a grey mercedes... Merrily * takes out a massive bouquet... a big box of chocolates ... * Laden and happy he awkwardly approaches his front door ... Enters... CUT TO21 INT HALLWAY DETACHED SUBURBAN VILLA PREVIOUS EVE 21 COLIN (Calling out) He's 'ome!! A Poodle greets him enthusiastically. COLIN (CONT) (CONT'D) Yeah, alright Muffles, got somethin' for you an' all - choc-choc! ... Liz! ... It's me!... I'm `ome!!! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 20.21 CONTINUED: 21 He enters the kitchen...his wife LIZ, is standing in a white dress at the far end ... Looking away ... Gazing out of the window... COLIN (CONT) (CONT'D) (Cheerily) 'Ere he is! ... She does not react ... He places things on the table. COLIN (CONT) (CONT'D) ... He comes bearing gifts, look! Look what I gotcha! He goes to the fridge... COLIN (CONT) (CONT'D) Avril's been at it again! Fuckin' up big style! ... She's useless almost cost us a sale on an XKR Jag! * He takes out a pint carton of full fat milk COLIN (CONT) (CONT'D) ... Fuckin' 'ell, Saab last week and now a Jag! - She didn't... but she almost did! I gave her a verbal warnin'. Told her if she didn't buck her ideas up she'd be out of the showroom - stick her desk' in the backyard beside the khazi!. - Stupid cow! - And you know what she said? - This is what I have to put up with! "Do it then"! Can you believe that?!! - - 'F she wants sendin' back to the job centre I'll do it! * He knocks back the full pint in one ... LIZ glances at him ... He reaches into the fridge again and takes out a can of coke... COLIN (CONT) (CONT'D) ... Anyway, that's me! 'Ow's you?... Oh, an another thing 'fore I forget, ow d'you fancy the Algarve? 'Cos that bird from the travel agent ...... phoned me... I know we were... talkin' bout the Med but this is * dirt cheap - I said I'd speak to you... * He begins glugging the coke ... Finishes it... COLIN (CONT) (CONT'D) What d'ya reckon? LIZ is silent... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 21.21 CONTINUED: (2) 21 COLIN (CONT'D) (Fondly... Indulgent) ... Alright, it's the Med, I give in!! He o pens a cupb oar d. T ake s ou t a pac ket of cho cola te biscuits. Unwraps one..., eats it... LIZ looks at him ... Looks away ... Stares out of the window ... Worried... Puts her hand to her forehead ... She is biting her lower lip... COLIN (CONT'D) (Munching) ... What? LIZ (To herself. Desperately) Oh, fuck... COLIN What is it ?... 'S a matt er?.. .'S up?...S'appened? She look s a t hi m . .. T ear s in he r ey es. .. E ven tual ly struggling... LIZ ... Colin ... Words fail her. She sighs heavily COLIN Liz, love ... what's wrong? Eventually... LIZ (Weakly) ... This is really, really difficult, Colin... COLIN (Worded) What is? LIZ (With great difficulty) ... This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life ... I'm so sorry... COLIN (Gently. Helping) For what? What you sorry for?... What you sorry for, Liz? LIZ I'm sorry, Colin... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 22.21 CONTINUED: (3) 21 COLIN (Serious faced) So you've said ... You've said that, Liz... I've got that ... What `re you sorry for? She can't look at him. Stares at the floor ... Eventually ... COLIN (CONT) (CONT'D) You're scarin me Liz... A LONG PAUSE... LIZ (Tinily) I've met someone else...22 A LONG PAUSE... 22 COLIN (Stunned. Absolutely Stunned) Wha?23 A LONG PAUSE... 23 COLIN (Small) y`kiddin' LIZ (Sadly) ... I'm sorry. COLIN (Reeling) ...'Someone else'??!!. I don't understand, Liz ... I've just come in through the door ... and ... now I'm ... I'm ... (TRAILS OFF)...'met someone else'? She can't look at what she's done to him ... She gazes out * of the window ... Far, far away ... * LIZ (From a million miles away) ... I'm so sorry. Slowly ... Slowly ... We move in on COLIN ... He begins to blink ... Is swallowing ... His chin wobbling ... Can't speak... Uncomprehending little eyes... His gullet begins to spasm ... He swoons ... Stumbles back ... His knees go ... He grips the toaster for support ... Looking at her as she stares out of the window ... Looking ... Looking ... His desperate eyes pleading ... * CUT TO 23.24 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 24 The men are watching him... * COLIN I know what you're all thinkin'... you're * all feelin' sorry for me - Poor Colin... Think I'm pathetic... Come on, say it ... * I can take it... Well you can all fuck * off - Sling yer dirty hooks! ... I'll * deal with this myself ... Well, what are you waiting for? - Piss off - Sorry to have inconvenienced you an' all that ... but your services are no longer required - * Slags! - Laughin' at me! I may look like * a cunt but I'm not stupid! ARCHIE No it's 'er that's stupid, Col ... It's Liz... COLIN (Rounding on him) What would you know about'er! - What would you know 'bout what it means to be married?! You're still livin' with your fuckin' Mum! * MAL (Stepping in) Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! OMP (Rises. Enraged) Th is is wh y Lo ve r bo y mus t b e killed !...Th is is why s he mus t be ki l le d ! . .. To d o t ha t t o a ma n (indic ates C OLIN). ..Jes us fuc king Christ almighty! ... Fire and fucking sword! ... It's unforgiveable!... It's de-fucking-plorable! ... (points at COLIN with a long bony finger) Look at the man ... where is he? ... Look at 'im! He aint there! ... That's someone else! ... That's a shell! If that!... A sad, empty shell! ... It hurts your fucking eyes! ... Can 'ardly look at 'im!... Make ya weep! ~_ Mother of God! They will suffer... Oh, yeah! - The y wil l su ffe r! . .. Th at is m y promise!... They will fucking suffer! The seething PEANUT paces the room... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 24.24 CONTINUED: 24 COLIN I'm sorry, Arch ... I don't know what I'm sayin'... I've gone crackers ... don't listen to me... ARCHIE 'S alright, mate ... forget about it- 's understandable. MEREDITH 'Ere, Colin, this'll cheer you up...Ave a guess `ow much I won last night... OMP (Still ranting) Oh yes, they will suffer! MEREDITH 'Ave a guess... COLIN (Distractedly) I don't know. MEREDITH Ask me how much I won... OMP ... Fucking suffer! MEREDITH Ask me! COLIN (Half-heartedly) ...'Ow much did you win? MEREDITH ... Well... CUT TO.25 EXT NASH CRESCENT LONDON PREVIOUS NIGHT 25 MEREDITH, alone, strolls along the lamplit street ... Over this we hear... MEREDITH'S VO ... after we left here last night I was buzzi n'... was on m y wa y to the Buckingham for a quick one ... none of you wet willies wanted to come ... who'd I run into? ... MEREDITH walking ... Suddenly, from out of nowhere a metallic blue Rolls Royce Corniche thunders and screeches up beside him almo st m oun ting the pa veme nt . .. Pink Revised 21st May 2008 25.25 CONTINUED: 25 Simu ltan eous ly t he curb side back doo r fli es o pen and crashes/smashes into a lamp-post shattering its window and buckling... MEREDITH turns at the sound of the impact... And is immediately greeted by a figure emerging from the back seat ... The man is larger than life ... 60-ish... He wears a full length white mink coat over a tuxedo ... His coiffured hair sports a pink rinse ... He is over-excitedly pleased to se e h i s f r i e n d , M E R E D I T H . . . T e r r i f y i n g l y s o . . . Psychopa thically happy h e stand s in the middle of the pavement like a frenzied polar bear... MEREDITH VO ... Tippi Gordon! TIPPI GORDON bellows insanely at MEREDITH... TIPPI CHUBBYBUMMYWUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CUT TO26 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 26 The men listen to MEREDITH'S story... MEREDITH ...Off his fuckin'face! Pumpin'! Zoomin'! Pupils the size of a sixpence!... CUT BACK TO27 EXT NASH CRESCENT LONDON PREVIOUS NIGHT 27 TITANIC C/U ON TIPPI'S maniacally ecstatic face... TIPPI (To us/Meredith) Y'UP FOR IT??? Y'WITH ME??? NIGHT OF IT???? `AVE SOME???? BEAUTY BOY??? -- Y'UP FOR IT?????? -- BOYS NIGHT OUT??????????????!!!!!!!!!! JUMP CUT TO28 INT ROLLS ROYCE CORNICHE CHAUFFEUR DRIVEN PREV NGT 28 MEREDITH and TIPPI in the back of the Roller as it travels through London ... TIPPI chopping out huge lines of cocaine on a walnut veneer tabletop... MEREDITH VO ... He was on his way to the Grenadier ... Invites me along... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 26.28 CONTINUED: 28 TIPPI (Chopping them out) I like a li ne th e siz e of a fuc kin' toblerone!! ... To the UNIFORMED CHAUFFEUR, indicating the coke Oi, Bumface -'ere y'are! JUMP CUT TO.29 EXT BUSY WEST END STREET PREVIOUS NIGHT 29 The Rolls Royce has stopped at a red light ...THE CHAUFFEUR casually gets out of the front and climbs into the back ... The lights change to green ... Cars behind get impatient ... Start tooting...more and more horns sound ... Blaring out... CUT TO.30 INT HIGH CLASS CASINO PREVIOUS NIGHT 30 We move through the elegant casino ... Over this we hear... ARCHIE'S VOICE Come on then, whad ya win? MEREDITH'S VOICE Forty thousand and six 'undred pounds is what I won... MAL'S VOICE Fuck me!... 'Ow? We now come across MEREDITH and TIPPI laughing, engaged in conversation... MEREDITH'S VOICE ... W ell , I' ll te ll ya . .. we w er e fucking about... MEREDITH turns from TIPPI and speaks directly to us into camera... MEREDITH ... And I bet Tippo five grand that he couldn't win six grand in a minute... TIPPI (Excitedly to Meredith) I fucking can!! MEREDITH (To Tippi) Go on then!! TIPPI heads for the nearest roulette table... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 27.30 CONTINUED: 30 MEREDITH (CONT'D) (To us) ... He's off... Steams into the nearest table and smacks six thou down on the black... We can see TIPPI intently staring down at the wheel almost crowding THE CRO UPIER wh o smile s polite ly at hi s high spirits... TIPPI (Screaming over to Meredith) RED!!!... CUNT!!! MEREDITH (To us) We were laughin' like fuck! TIPPI (Calling over) Double or quits! MEREDITH (To us) ... He bets black... We can see TIPPI intently staring down at the wheel ... hungry ... childish....excited... TIPPI (Screaming over to Meredith) RED!!!...CUNT!!!... MEREDITH (Smiling to us) Double or quits twice... bets black... We see TIPPI staring intently down at the wheel... almost wetting himself with anticipation.. until... TIPPI (Screaming over to Meredith) RE D ! ! ! . . . C U N T ! ! ! . . . D O U B L E O R QUITS!... MEREDITH (To us) For the third time... only this time - We are on TIPPI staring intently down at the wheel... MEREDITH'S VOICE ... He bets red... C/U on the roulette wheel-the ball spinning and hurtling round ... we watch as it comes to rest... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 28.30 CONTINUED: (2) 30 TIPPI'S VOICE (Screaming) BLACK!!!!!! Massive C/U on TIPPI'S thrilled by losing face... TIPPI CUNT! CUNT! CUNT ! MER EDITH YOU' RE A CUNT!!! CUT BACK TO31 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 31 MEREDITH ..."Meredith you're a cunt! Thank you very much, 'ere's your forty thou... See ya!"... For a giggle. I've stuck four hundred pound on the pontoon table - splatt! -- Blackjack! Six to four! Lovely! That's me done!... 'Ad some dinner in the corner - fillet steak, coupla spuds... last d rink - lar ge ca lvado s... Home met hi nks , "G et me a ca b" , ove r th e bridge, bung `im a nifty -."Ta, guv", wipe my feet, cup of cocoa, into me jim- jams, lights out ... ain't life grand! ARCHIE Nice one! OMP What, you mean you didn't stop off at the poof's club? MEREDITH turns slowly to stare at him... MEREDITH No, Peanut, since you so kindly ask, I did not stop off at The Clayton ... Not las t nig ht .. . b ut I sh al l be th er e tonight ... later on ... looking for some hot male action... Is that alright with you? OMP Yerr! ARCHIE Don't fucking start you two! OMP Dirty bastard! MEREDITH laughs... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 29.31 CONTINUED: 31 OMP (CONT'D) Puttin g you r one in a man' s bum !... Sodomite... Buggerer... MEREDITH Peanut ... What I choose to do with my nine and a half has got fuck all to do with you! OMP It's disgusting! - Man with man! * ARCHIE Alright, alright! OMP Fucking smarm! ARCHIE Alright! CUT TO32 INT KITCHEN DETACHED SUBURBAN VILLA PREVIOUS NIGHT 32 LIZ at the window ... COLIN at the table... COLIN ... I've loved you too much, 'aven't I? -- That's what I've done wrong -I've driven you away - driven you into the arms of someone else - that's what I've done - S'pose I deserve it - must do - who'd 'ave thought it, eh, you can love someone too much!... I've over loved ya - I'm an overlover... and I feel very lonely... (begins to sob, catching his breath like an infant) ... I'm beggin' you to stay - I beg you not to leave me... I beg you... on my bended knees... Please... I just don't understand what I've done wrong - and I beg you not to leave me this way - don't leave me this way. * LIZ (Softly) ... Come on, Colin... COLIN ...What?... LIZ (Gently) ... Have some dignity... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 30.32 CONTINUED: 32 COLIN (Chest heaving with sobs) I - don't - want din-gity - I want you!! ... Is that bad? ! ... Is t hat a bad crime? - Ov- ver - lovin'??? Pause... he fights his tears... struggles to get it together ... breathes ... breathes hard ... sucking in air ... trying to gather strength ... from somewhere... calms a bit ... stares hard at her ... eventually- . COLIN (CONT'D) ... You've made a mistake, you 'ave ... You're gonna miss me! - You're really * gonna fuckin miss me! ... Coupla days time - when it sinks in ... Oh, you'll reg re t t ha t! Wh at a n e rr or ! W ha t a booboo! ... You've fucked up! Boy, 'ave you fucked up!... An' you know what? - when you realise 'ow ... (selects a word) silly you've been -- `ow impulsive ... reckless and stupid - 'ow ... (selects a word) feminine you've been - you stupid woman ... you're gonna come runnin', back with your tail between your legs pleadin' to be let in out of the cold - and will I take you back? - Will I fuck!! No way!! Not a snowball's chance in hell! Not on your nelly !!... 'Ang on Colin -' ang on son - you're lying to yourself! - Course you'll take her back! Of c ourse you will!!... I'll take you back, Liz - I fo r g i ve y o u - c o s t h a t ' s w h a t overlovers', do, you see -they 'overlove' - they love too much! LIZ (Delicately) Colin, its not working between us - well for me its not working - and it hasn't been working for a long time... COLIN Yeah, that's because you ain't been doing your bit, Liz ... you ain't been doing your bit! ... Love is like a garden and in order to keep it looking beautiful you gotta work at it ... Gotta do the weedin' and you ain't been doing any weedin', Liz - and that's cos you're lazy - You're a lazy lover, Liz - And now the garden's over-run -'s a jungle, innit? - we're lost in the jungle - can't see each other - 31.32 CONTINUED: (2) 32 LIZ (Softly) I don't feel like that, Colin - I don't * feel the same as you - just have to get out - COLIN (Petulant) Well fuck off then!!... Go on, go!... Fuck off!... I'll be alright ... You cru el ba st ar d! .. . Go on - I' m no t stopping you... Take your stuff and get - Leave mine - I'll attend to that! Just fuck off!... You're a horrible cunt! Traitor! * LIZ (Had enough) Well if you're going to start calling me names - COLIN (Affronted. Interrupting) Don't you - a dirty, unfaithful cow who's sucked another man's bell-end -tell me - tell me that I'm callin' you names!! Who is he? There is a pause as LIZ decides how to play this... LIZ ... Does it matter? COLIN Oo is he? Tell me the cunt's name - I wanna know. LIZ ... He's just a guy. COLIN Oh, a guy is he? - A guy! - What he's not a bloke? Not just a. bloke? He's a `guy'! Cunt - I'll cut `is cock off when I find * 'im! LIZ (Forcefully) Oh stop it, Colin! COLIN Oh, th at's right , pro tect the cunt! Course you're on `is side... on the side of the 'guy'! ... I'm tellin' you, Liz - mark my fuckin' words - I will tear the flesh off 'is face with my fuckin' teeth and stick it in your fuckin' `andbag! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 32.32 CONTINUED: (3) 32 LIZ Right, that's it, I'm going ... we'll talk later. LIZ makes towards the door. But COLIN beats her to it ... slams it shut... COLIN (Darkly) Where d'you think you're goin' ?! You ain't goin' nowhere! LIZ, frightened, has stepped back. COLIN (CONT) (CONT'D) (Darkly) ... You think you can say that to me an' then j ust g o?! - Leav e me here with that?! - Drop a bomb in my brain and just go?! ... No, you can't!... We are C/U on COLIN'S hand by his side... it begins to tighten ... begins to ball itself into a fist... COLIN'S VOICE (Menacingly) Tell me his fuckin' name... CUT TO33 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 33 COLIN standing ... the men listening... COLIN (Confessionally) I caught her right on the fuckin' chin... Her head bounced off the door frame... She fell lookin' at me... OMP Good boy! COLIN (Emphatically) No, not good boy!... I hit her so fuckin' hard... Heard her teeth rattle in her hea d. .. Sh e was l yi ng th er e.. . Sh e wouldn't look at me..."Tell me!"..."Tell me!", I said... "Tell me 'is fuckin' name!"... but she wouldn't look at me... MAL Well, she wouldn't, would she?!... She couldn't, could she?! 33.33 CONTINUED: 33 ARCHIE Too ashamed! COLIN I 'ad her b y the thro at .. . pun ched her..."Tell me!"...punched her... "Tell me!" ... punched her "Tell me `is fuckin' name!"... (PAUSE) ... She said it ... She told me... MAL What? Just like that?! OMP Brazen! -- Fuckin 'audacity! ARCHIE Cheeky cunt! MAL Takin' the piss, mate! COLIN (Quietly) ... Yeah, just like that ... right in the heart. ...OLD MAN PEANUT goes to him... puts his arm around him... comforts him... ARCHIE, seeing this, goes over the wardrobe ... addresses it... ARCHIE (To the wardrobe) ... You hearin' this? ... What you've done? ... What you're responsible for? ... Are you proud of yourself? ... Was it worth it? ... All this pain? MAL joins him... addresses the wardrobe... MAL (To the wardrobe) Fucked his wife?! ... Fucked his fuckin' wife?! ... You fuckin' wife- fucker you!... You fuckin' fucked his * wife you wife-fuckin' cunt!... * (beat) Fuckin' his wife?!... Fuckin' his fuckin' * wife?!... Another man's wife?!... Are you * fuc ki n' th ic k? - Yo u cunt !... Fu ck another man's wife?... What's the matter with you?! You don't do that!... It' not done!... You do that - it ends in this! - Th i s! - T hi s i s w h er e i t e n ds ! I n this!... You hear me? ... you listenin'? Shitter!... Little shitter! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 34.33 CONTINUED: (2) 33 ARCHIE (To the wardrobe) Should've got your own fuckin' wife to fuck! CUT TO34 INT WARDROBE NIGHT 34 Blackness ... tiny light leaking in from cracks/joints in wood ... a shape ... breathing MAL'S VOICE (From outs ide.. . me nacin gly quiet) ...You're in deep shit, mate ... You're in the worst possible place a man can find himself... Pause ... breathing in the blackness... CUT TO35 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 35 MAL (Turns to Colin) When d'you wanna do this, Col? When are we doin' it? Come on, is time innit?!... Get i t fuc ki n' do ne .. . W hat d 'yo u reckon? ... Come on, my blood's fuckin' up! What are we sayin'? Yes? No? - what? ... Colin?- S up to you, mate - you're the one in the cunt hat! ARCHIE (To Colin) It's about time, mate... OMP (Rising) Get the fucker out 'ere! MAL ...Well!... Col?... COLIN is staring at the wardrobe but suddenly he rises and heads for the door... COLIN I gotta find her! (he exits) The men thwarted, sit in silence ... MAL looks at PEANUT ... PEANUT looks at ARCHIE ... MEREDITH looks at MAL ... PEANUT looks at MEREDITH ... ARCHIE looks at MAL ... MEREDITH looks at ARCHIE... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 35.35 CONTINUED: 35 ARCHIE ....What?!... Well, don't look at me!35A EXT DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 35A * COLIN exits the house. *35B INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 35B * MEREDITH What age is Liz, Arch? MAL She's forty-two ARCHIE Forty-four MEREDITH Fucking hell, she looks good for forty- four! OMP 'Ow would you know?! MEREDITH (Pointing) Peanut - would you like me to spank your bony arse? OLD MAN PEANUT giggles... MEREDITH smiles... MEREDITH (CONT'D) ... Y eah . .. g orgeo us w oman ... glamorous... vivacious ... sparklin'... ARCHIE You're not wrong. MEREDITH Beautiful face. ARCHIE Lovely MEREDITH It's a shame ARCHIE That it is. CUT TO36 EXT RAINY, DESOLATE, STREETS NIGHT 36 COL IN i s r un ni ng ... r un ni ng. .. r un nin g- ... De spe ra te ... running... Away from us... Towards us ... Past us... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 36.36 CONTINUED: 36 Running until... Eventually... Having run himself into the ground... He collapses against a brick wall in shadow... Holds onto it ... Buries his head into it... Pitifully... Like Judah Ben Hur when first seeing his mother and sister emerge from the leper colony... COLIN (Agonised) She could be anywhere! CUT TO37 EXT GRASS VERGE BESIDE ELEVATED MOTORWAY RAIN NIGHT 37 LIZ lying still in scrub at the foot of the embankment- her eyes slowly open ... her POV....the cloudy night sky. CUT TO38 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 38 MEREDITH, ARCHIE, MAL & OLD MAN PEANUT chatting... ARCHIE (TO OMP) Nah!... That was Tommy Yardley, y'cunt ... the stouter of the two! - He couldn't drive! MAL Never stopped `im though, did it?! OMP Beard? ARCHIE That's 'im! OMP Poof? ARCHIE No!... Who you thinkin' of? MAL He's thinkin' of Faraday ... He's been dead years! MEREDITH Faraday was alright! He was a gentle giant... MAL He was only five foot four MEREDITH I fucked `im back in the seventies - I'm tellin' you - he was a gentle giant! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 37.38 CONTINUED: 38 MAL Did ya? I never knew that. OMP Well we do now! MEREDITH Very shy man ... I liked him. OMP No ... it's not that cunt I'm thinkin' of. It was that other cunt... the cunt with the ears!... Pen and inked somethin' terrible!... MAL That's Dougie Clark ... the human stink- bomb! ARCHIE ... Fuckin' hell!... I remember once at this p arty. .. he 'd go t hol d of some bird... gone upstairs with her... next thing you know she come. crashin' out of the bedroom, run downstairs in her bra and knickers, screamin' blue murder that he'd put 'is armpit in her face!... his great, stinkin', hairy oxter right in her mooey! She's like that - (pulls an about to vomit face)!... And `im - 'Ol' Smelly' -- `s at the top of the stairs with 'is todger stickin' out of 'is trousers, laughin' his head off! OMP I've got a bone to pick with that cunt! MAL (Laughing) Yeah but you can't get near him though, can you! ARCHIE Not without a gas mask! MAL Ai n ' t h e h e a r d o f a b a t h ? ! . . . A n invention called a bath?.. 'Ere can you imagine under his foreskin? ARCHIE Cor, fuck me ... I think I'm gonna throw up! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 38.38 CONTINUED: (2) 38 MAL You would'nt want to go there for your summer 'olidays, would'ya?! ... Imagine that! Fuck me! They all laugh ... The door opens ... COLIN comes in ... speaking... COLIN (Uncomprehending) It's not as though we didn't fuck... we did!... Just last week!... Just last Thu rs day !. .. Sh e wa nte d to !.. . Sh e ins ti gat ed i t!. .. S he ca me !.. . Sh e did!... In fact, I didn't!... But that didn't matter... It wasn't about that... it wa s a b ou t be in ' c lo se .. . ' bo ut warmth... 'bout bein' a normal married couple... why would she do this?... Flush it all down the fuckin' toilet... why? OMP Jezebel! COLIN What a terrible waste!...What a waste of time!. .. En ergy! ... Everyt hin' !. .. What's it all mean?... Surely a marriage is somethin'?!... I mean, what's it all about? What is the fuckin' point! Twenny one fuckin' years, good times and bad - dow n th e fuc ki n' pl ug 'ol e! Up th e fuckin' Swanee, eh?!!... W e ' ad * somet hin' goin' !... Soli d!... A life! ...We wer e a f amil y! - The Diamonds!.. What're they gonna say?... What am I gonna tell `em?... What does one tell the children? - This's gonna affect their studies!... MAL Where're they again? COLIN Well, Colin J's doin' computer somethin' at Car diff ... a nd Sa manth a's doin' drawin' in Hull ... fuckin' `ell! Oh, fuckin' `ell! - My poor babies! - Your Mum's a whore!!... I can't bear this... I can' t br eath e!.. . Ca n't fuck in' breathe!... I'm serious... He begins to tug at this collar... MAL Colin, stop it! 39.38 CONTINUED: (3) 38 COLIN (Serious) No, I can't ... I can't breathe ... I'm not jokin'... ARCHIE You're just panickin'! COLIN (Gasping) 'Elp me!! MAL Stop it! ARCHIE You'll be alright ... calm down! COLIN (Panicking) Someone! ARCHIE * Deep breaths, mate... * MAL * Is he alright? * OMP This is shameful! ... Get a grip you cunt! COLIN My l u n g s - t o o t ig h t ! . . . H e a r t s burstin'... Please! -- Mercy! - 'Ave pity! (gurgles) MAL * Colin! * MEREDITH (Quiet. Firm. Measured) ... Colin...Colin ... Look at me... Look at me ... COLIN does. Pop-eyed. MEREDITH (CONT'D) (Quiet. Firm. Measured) ... That's, it ... That's it... ARCHIE Talk `im down Meredith... COLIN, calming, stares at MEREDITH... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 40.38 CONTINUED: (4) 38 MEREDITH You're alright, mate ... you're alright ... That's it ... easy does it ... listen to me ... you're alright ... Alright? - You're alright ... Right - Now listen to me ... You're a good man... Got that? COLIN is staring at him. transfixed. like a snake in front of a charmer. MEREDITH (CONT'D) ... Never forget that ... Cling to that ... You've done nothin' wrong ... You listenin'? ... You've been wronged ... You're in the right!... Remember that!... Right... now there's characters in the world - characters like that handsome young macho boy ... Indicates the wardrobe. COLIN looks at it. darkens ... MEREDITH calms him MEREDITH (CONT'D) ...Easy! - Who will come along to test you and cause you to doubt yourself ... to hate yourself ... to turn your life upside down ... and its times like this you find out who you are ... You * listenin' to me? You hear this? COLIN dumbly nods MEREDITH (CONT'D) ...Listen to me... you don't disgust me... You're not pathetic... you're not weak - you're normal! - you're human - and human's hurt!... Alright? ARCHIE That's right! COLIN (Somewhat soothed) 'Ave you 'ad this, Meredith? MEREDITH ...Me?... No... but I'm quite lucky... because I'm different to you... I don't share your emotions... I don't love like you... like you do... Maybe I should... but I don't!... I'm not a family man - with me, sex is sex... no more... no le s s . . . C o l d . H a rd . Dark... and sweaty... Sudden. Excessive... When I've shot my wad, I leave the room... I put my coat on and I leave the room... No "thank you's"... (MORE) Pink Revised 21st May 2008 41.38 CONTINUED: (5) 38 MEREDITH (CONT'D) no "I really enjoyed that" - I leave the room!... And I don't go back!... I can aff or d t o do th at .. . I 'v e got t ha t luxury... I'm charismatic... People are drawn to me . (PA USE) Now m aybe it's cowardly but I choose to live without turmoil... without entanglements... All that bores me! - With me it's the five Fs - find 'em, follow 'em, finger 'em, fuck 'em and forget 'em!... But you, Colin, you possess different qualities... that's what makes you you... You're more caring stroke sharing... Your capacity to love lea ve s y ou v uln er ab le - bu t t ha t' s admirable!... You care... and you should be proud of that! COLIN ... Proud? MEREDITH Yes, proud, you should be proud. COLIN Why? MEREDITH 'Cos that is what you should be! OMP Pr o u d ! Y o u fu c k i n ' p i l c ha r d ! ! Proud!...'Ave a bit of pride! COLIN (Ignoring OMP) What would you do Meredith? MEREDITH 'Bout what? COLIN Everythin' ... my situation... MEREDITH I'd prioritise... Slowly MEREDITH turns to look at the wardrobe ... COLIN Does likewise ... looks back to MEREDITH... MEREDITH (CONT'D) If it was me he'd be dead already! COLIN ... But if you were me? MEREDITH Well, that's a big leap for me, Colin... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 42.38 CONTINUED: (6) 38 COLIN Please ... try... MEREDITH ... I'd toss a coin ... Heads I'd skin him alive ... find her ... do the same... COLIN ... And tails? MEREDITH stares hard at COLIN ... MEREDITH ... Well, that's the hard part, Colin ... COLIN shrinks back with the realisation of what is being implied... Scared... COLIN (Aghast) ... Oh, I can't do that! ... I don't think I could do that!... What let `im go?!... How can I do that?' MEREDITH Well let's hope it's heads then!... COLIN dumbfounded can only stand and watch as... MEREDITH (CONT'D) ... Who's got a coin? ARCHIE begins to fish in his pocket... OMP (To Meredith) You're a nasty bastard, aintcha! MEREDITH Am I? ARCHIE I've got a 2p! COLIN finds himself holding the coin... He swallows ... Closes his eyes as if in prayer ... Opens them ... Is about to toss the coin... MEREDITH Hold on, Col ... (TO MAL) A oner says its heads! MAL Yeah, alright, yer on! ARCHIE I'll 'ave some of that! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 43.38 CONTINUED: (7) 38 MEREDITH Anybody else? ... No? ... Alright... Go on, Col! OMP (To Meredith) Nasty bastard! COLIN, gulping, looks at each of them in turn ... Looks at the coin ... Swallows again-tosses it ... The coin spins upwards- into the air ... Humungous C/U of the coin spinning ... Music begins, CHILLS & FEVER by TOM JONES... CROSS FADE TO. Music continues. Huge C/U... S/M... The coin spinning... The men watch the coin land on HEADS! CROSS FADE TO. The music continues...39 CUT 3940 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 40 THE MUSIC CONTINUES... We fade in on ... MAL in motion ... Pacing like a lion ... * Serious faced hard eyed ... Intent ... Focused on something just off camera ... Studying it... We see MEREDITH seated ... smokes ... Super sexy-slowly... * Focused on something just off camera ... Studying it... PEANUT standing... Staring... super- slow... Caught mid- * expression... Mid horrible expression... Vicious denture manoeuvres... Old man horrendousness ... Focused on something just off camera ... Studying it... And ARCHIE... dear old ARCHIE... Swigging from a bottle... * And focused on something just off camera... Studying it... ... And COLIN... Poor COLIN... Seated... Staring down... Down at the floor... The floorboards ... The music fades ... Disappears... silence ... More silence... And now we see the room... The men as described and the object of their focus... Seated on a small, wooden kitchen chair is a figure with a scruffy * old Tesco carrier bag over it's head... The wardrobe is open... The figure is cowed. Broken. Beaten. Pink Revised 21st May 2008 44.40 CONTINUED: 40 Scared ... The men are relaxed-all the time in the world ... Eventually... MAL (Very quietly) Squeeze 'er tits, didya? He draws relaxedly on his cigarette... ARCHIE (M e a s u re d l y ma s h i n g o u t a cigarette) 'Ow was that? MAL Do the trick, did it?... Get her going? ARCHIE Ha n d u p t he sk i rt ? . . . I ns i de th e knickers? ... That's alright, innit? MAL Loverboy! ARCHIE Wanker MAL Get it out? ... Give it a rub? ARCHIE In the noddy? ... On the bed? MAL Spit `n' polish? ARCHIE I bet MAL Cop a feel? MEREDITH David Copperfield? MAL Nice 'n' wet was she? ARCHIE Do you like that? MAL You make me sick! ARCHIE I love you! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 45.40 CONTINUED: (2) 40 OMP Use a banana?! ARCHIE Blimey o'Reilly OMP You cunt! MAL Go on, what's your secret? ... Old Spice? ARCHIE Splash it all over! MAL Now you're talkin'! L'il bit kinky? ARCHIE Ha, ha, golden shower! MEREDITH The erotic world of Jacques Cousteau. MAL That's right!... Is that right? ... So, what was it? ... Eyes meet across the room?... Fireworks?... Crashin' waves?... I think I love you?... Will you... marry me ? . . . O h , d a r l i n' . . . F o r e v e r . . . Bollocks!... Bum her did you? ARCHIE Cor, dear! MAL Karma Sutra? 69? ARCHIE 99? ... Flake? MAL Lickety split? OMP Lick it! Lick it! MAL The ol' Vaseline? ARCHIE Nice `n' easy! MAL Playboy! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 46.40 CONTINUED: (3) 40 OMP Arsehole! ARCHIE Playmate! MAL Cunt! ARCHIE Fucker! OMP Knee-trembler! MAL Polaroids? OMP Bombay roll? ARCHIE That's handy! OMP Pearl necklace? ARCHIE That looks nice! OMP Terrible thing to do! MEREDITH Rock -'ard 'Udson ARCHIE Upstairs, downstairs? Round the back? MEREDITH Bullseye MAL You're a bit of a boy, aintcha?... Bit of a fucking boy? ARCHIE Stud! MAL That's 20th Century Casanova, sitting there, in a plastic bag! ARCHIE Certainly is! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 47.40 CONTINUED: (4) 40 MAL Right rascal! ARCHIE Oh, you didn't use a candle, did ya? ... Don't tell me that! MAL He didn't, did he? OMP Fuckin' did! MAL 'Uckin' `ell! ARCHIE Not love-eggs?...That's awful MEREDITH The man's a love machine! MAL (Angered) She's a mother!! He moves towards the seated figure... MAL (CONT'D) That's somebody's mother, you idiot!!... She's got children! OLD MAN PEANUT joins MAL by the figure... OMP She's a wife ... can't be off gobblin! They are joined by ARCHIE... ARCHIE Got a grievin' 'usband! He indicates COLIN who remains seated. ARCHIE (CONT) (CONT'D) ... That's him! Colin! MAL You've ruined him! OMP He's a husk!... Nothing left of him! MAL He's shattered!... You've shat on him... You shit! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 48.40 CONTINUED: (5) 40 OMP That's his missus ... That was his missus you diddled ... That was Liz! That was hi s L i z ! . . . T h a t w a s h i s L i z y o u fucked!... That's Mrs. Diamond!... Mrs. Colin Diamond!... A married woman, you berk! MAL ...And you a fucking waiter!... A fucking waiter!... frog waiter!... You cuntin' * spunka!... You sorry fuck! You'll be fuckin' sorry!... If you thought yesterday was something... today's gonna be somet hin' else!. .. Yes terday was nothin' !... I 've be en hom e... h ad a bath... had a kip... somethin' to eat... watched a bit of telly ... I've got a li f e! . .. Be e n t o t he pu b .. . h a d a drink!... Had a laugh!... Had a dance!... And you?.... You stink!.. Locked in a wardrobe!... Chucked in like a puppet!... Like an unwanted toy!... Sack o' shit!... Where's that bottle opener?... where's that corkscrew?... Got a knife? ARCHIE (Doing nothing) 'Ere it is! MAL (Doing nothing) Ta!... I'm rollin' my sleeves up!... Say your fuckin' prayers! They watch as the figure twitches, winces, evades imagined blows ... Eventually COLIN I want to be alone with it The men look at COLIN... MAL Is that a good idea? ARCHIE and MEREDITH look at each other... MEREDITH ... Yeah, alright, Col... We'll leave you alone for a bit ... why not? MAL You sure? ARCHIE If that's what he wants! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 49.40 CONTINUED: (6) 40 MEREDITH We'll have a fag in the passage. The men begin to leave ... OLD MAN PEANUT approaches COLIN... OMP You dare get emotional... You dare get emotional... Don't you dare... Leave that out... You hear me?... You kill him quick and you're a cunt! ... Got that? ARCHIE (From the door) ... Peanut! OMP Remember ... He's had your wife!... Nice 'n' slow, boy ... Nice `n' slow! OLD MAN PEANUT leaves the room ... the door is closed ... long pause ... eventually ... He glances at the wardrobe * The door opens and ARCHIE pops his heap in... * ARCHIE Everythin' alright, Col? COLIN Everythin' alright?!... This cunt's been up my wife!!... (HE CALMS)... Yeah, I'm alright, Arch! ARCHIE goes, closing the door... CUT TO41 INT HALLWAY, DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 41 Bare floorboards. Bare walls. Dim lighting. The colours grey, brown, ochre, dirty cream, black,- Sombre... At the far end is a dilapidated front door... To the right of rotting stairs with broken, wooden banisters... MEREDITH sits smoking on top of a knack ered upr ight pia no . .. O LD M AN P EANU T si ts grouchily on the keys... MAL, partly hidden, sits smoking on the stairs ... ARCHIE is gently closing the door to the main room ... walking up the corridor towards the men/us... MAL (Casually) 'S he alright? Pink Revised 21st May 2008 50.41 CONTINUED: 41 ARCHIE (No sweatishly) Yeah, he's alright. CUT TO42 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 42 COLIN and LOVERBOY as before... COLIN You didn't know she was married to people like me, didya? ... Or didya? - Maybe you did -- probably did - Maybe it made it more excitin' ... the risk element ... Yeah, I can see that! (PAUSE) ... You're thinkin', aren't you? ... Under that stupid bag ... thinkin' away ... I can hear it .. . Ca n hea r yo ur br ain whirrin'... let me 'ave a stab at what you're thinkin' apart from the obvious - Sweet Jesus, please help me!"... My guess is you 're thinkin' , 'Why am I still alive? These are honourable men I've done a bad thing - Why am I still alive?"... Is that right?.. Is it? ... Nod your fuckin' head if that's right!... THE FIGURE, slowly nods COLIN (CONT) (CONT'D) ... Thank you... ... Alright - I'll tell you why you're still alive ... but this is just between you and me, mind ... Thing is, I've got a dilemma! Which is - and this is stupid, I know - I'm thinkin' that with you dead - which is what I want - don't get me wrong - I want you dead - I think you owe me that - I do! ... Coz that's what you've done to me - you've killed me - but see, with you dead ... She... Liz...Elizabeth. .. will hate me * forever - end of story... However ... on the other hand... 'f I let you live ... well ... maybe ... Me an' Liz ... we can ... who knows ... who fuckin' knows ... (PAUSE)... So that's the state of play... * That's where we're at! (PAUSE)... D'you know, I don't even know what you look * like!.. It's all been a blur to me... Last night I couldn't see anythin' what wi t h a l l t h e r a g e a n d t h a t - T h e disappointment - Come on then, let's `ave * a look at you... Slowly COLIN goes towards the figure... Stands in front of it... Stares at i t... 51.42 CONTINUED: 42 Suddenly his hands grab at the black plastic- he roughly tears it open eventually revealing the bloody vest and pant- ed body ... Now he slowly lifts the crumpled Tesco bag from the head and we see the bowed, beaten face of LOVERBOY, early 30's ... Eventually... COLIN (CONT) (CONT'D) You know-you're not a bad looking boy!.. Yeah, I can see the attraction!... Young ... fit ... well built ... sexy ... but if you don't mind my sayin' so - isn't it all a bit obvious? Bit of a clichÈ? ... (PAUSE) What was she doing? ... Silly cow ... What a stupid woman!... COLIN slowly returns to his seat ... Uncaps the brandy ... Pours some into the cap and drinks it... COLIN (CONT'D) (To Loverboy) You don't know the first thing about her! ... Bet she's never farted in front of you, has she! ... Has she? ... No! ... I thought not!... it's not romantic, is it? ... you just wanted the perfumed clouds of love! ... The magicalness of it all! ... All the false crap!...Well I've got news for you, s onny J im - t hat's not l ove! That' s in - erm - whatdyamacallit - fatuation ... tha t's wh at it is... that's not fuckin' love!... Y'dildo... Love's `ard work! `Ard graft! Love can be murder! It's putting her first- not you ... her! ... Watching what she wants to watch on telly ... taking her the papers and a cup of tea in bed on a Sunday morning ... And enquiring... as to how she might be feeling... "you alr ig ht, L iz ?.. . Pl ump in g up he r pillows... and she might get irritated by tha t... ' leave me in peace for God's sake! Constant attention!"... and that might hurt, hearing that ... * her saying that... but you've got to ta k e i t o n t he c hi n . H av e b r oa d shoulders. 'Cos she's the queen and you're the bee ... the Dad... and so wh a t i f y ou co o k t h e d in n er an d there's no thanks for it! Don't do it if you expect thanks for it! That's not w hy yo u do it ! ... E nj oy th e washing up-whistle while you work ... and if she shouts through for you to "shut up please stop whistling`--- then shut up! Stop whistling! Doesn't co s t no t h i n g! . . . (MORE) 52.42 CONTINUED: (2) 42 COLIN (CONT'D) And, yes, you've ignored the dripping tap or whatever for five years but one day, for whatever reason, fuck knows why, you get up off your fat arse and you find yourself under the sink with a span ner in your hand and yo u're s m i l i n g a way like fuck...'Cos you know that its gonna please her! ... And if she don't notice it, she don't notice it. It don't matter. It's plumbed It's fixed. It counts. It's the maintenance of a marria ge. Th e nuts and bolts. The nitty gritty. The reality... That's life. That's love. It ain't easy ... Nobody ever said i t'd b e easy and they're right! It's hard work.... But love c an be lovely ... ( meanin gful pause)... One day... you're shaving in the bathroom mirror - with a soapy face - and you 'll fee l h er approaching... entering... she's come in for a pair of tights drying on the radiator... on the way out she pats your bum and she'll give you a tiny smile - almost not a smile - almost invisible - but a smile nevertheless and it'll mean the fucking world to * you... The whole incredible world... The f uck in g uni ve rs e! (p au se) .. . Me?... I'm old fashioned ... I'm like swans-one partner for life! ... And now y ou co me al on g in yo ur ti gh t tro use rs to sp oi l i t all ! You 'v e * spoilt my life! Degraded me! Brought me to me knees! Humiliated me!... You ugly cunt ... your heart's ugly ... selfish ... selfish, ugly, cunt !... Love is give and take, mate ... give and take... give... and... take... You to o k. . . a nd I g i ve . .. I g iv e .. . (STARES AT LOVER BOY LOSES IT BALLS HIS FIST MENACINGLY) I give you such a fucking punch in the mouth in a minute ... (PAUSE) I wet the bed last night ... coz of you ... cried myself to sleep . .. Cr ied m yself to fuckin' * sleep! ... Thanks to you! ... Look at me... Look at me crying!... Look at these tears! ... Fucking look at me! You fucking look at me! ... Look at me!... You fucking cunt !... I said look at me! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 53.42 CONTINUED: (3) 42 LOVERBOY gradually, painfully, lifts his bowed head ... Slowly, very slowly, he turns ... And looks at COLIN ... They look at each other... CUT TO.43 EXT WEST PIER, BRIGHTON MISTY NIGHT 1954 43 His face is blank. Heartless. Matter of fact. Grizzled. Cold. His eyes dull. Black. Stony ... He is thick set... Bear- like... He wears a scruffy tweed coat ... A flat working man's cap a thick, battered gypsy belt-and he is busy bundling a live cockerel into the Hessian sack before him ... In with the snake ... In with the dog ... In with the man - the beaten, terrified, whimpering man in the sack...the four creatures in there together ... Pandemonium in the sack as he ties it off ... Brutishly dragging the hellish parcel to the edge of the pier-and lazily booting it into the dark sea below .. . He tur ns now . .. His task com pleted . .. And couldn't give a monkeys as he looks with zero compassion down the barrel of the camera at us... He walks off, disappearing into the foggy night ... This was BRIGHTON BILLY... CUT TO.44 EXT UNDERWATER NIGHT 44 In the gloomy dirty, silent water the tethered sack descends ... Hellish movement inside... CUT BACK TO45 INT HALLWAY, DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 45 The men as before ... Eventually... MEREDITH 'Ow's yer Mum, Arch? ARCHIE (Modest. Fond) Yeah, she's alright... fine... doin' very well ... (SLIGHT PAUSE) `Ad a bit of a scare last week, though ... She * fell outa bed, middle of the night! ... I didn't hear `er! ... Found 'er in the mornin' sleepin' on the floor! Frightened the life out, of me! - but sh e ' s a l r i g h t . . . D o c ' s a y s i t 'appens... MAL She's tough, your Mum ... she'll go on forever! 54.45 CONTINUED: 45 ARCHIE (Sweetly. Lovingly) ... Yeah ... she'll outlive me -- that's for sure! MEREDITH Give 'er my regards! ARCHIE (Gratefully) Yeah, I will ... I will ... course... Silence- eventually... OMP D'you remember Samson?...Who remembers Samson? MAL 'Ad a petshop on the Roman Road. OMP No! The Bible! ... A strongman! MEREDITH Victor Mature... * (beat) * ... Never fancied `im. * OMP ... I'm talkin' about the real McCoy .. the actual bloke! MAL (To Peanut) What about 'im? MEREDITH Now Rod Taylor - that's different! - What a shag! Mamma Mia! -- Big fat back! OMP (Ignoring) This is a man who's got everything! ... Power. ' Influence. Upper body strength. Friends in 'igh places! MEREDITH And John Saxon! - Enter the drag - queen! -- Sex-ee! OMP He meets this bitch... MEREDITH Boyd'y! - Stephen Boyd! - Scrumptious! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 55.45 CONTINUED: (2) 45 OMP (Persevering) ... Falls in love with the cunt... * MEREDITH ... And Paul McCartney, strangely enough! OMP (Pestered) ...He falls in love with the cunt... ARCHIE ...'S Sir Paul now, innit? MEREDITH Hedi Lamarr! OMP (irate) Oh, please! Let me say what I'm sayin'! MEREDITH But that's who it is. In the film - Hedi Lamarr! O.M.P. (impatient) In the film, yeah ... * MEREDITH Delilah OMP Yeah, right hooer! ... He's got this lovely long hair ... as was the style in them days ... and its where he got `is st r en g th fr o m . .. On e n i gh t s h e' s dru gge d' im .. . p ut a po tio n in 'i s drink... CUT TO46 INT BED CHAMBER BC NIGHT 46 C/U on a bejewelled, golden goblet of red wine on a marble surface... Now a many braceleted beautiful arm and heavily ringed hand of a woman comes into view... Powder is gently poured into the goblet... CUT BACK TO47 INT HALLWAY, DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 47 OMP ... He's gone all woozy and he's conked out on the marble floor... (MORE) Pink Revised 21st May 2008 56.47 CONTINUED: 47 OMP (CONT'D) She's crept off like the rat she is and she's come back.. with a pair of scissors ... And she's give'im the full monty ... short back and sides! CUT TO48 INT BED CHAMBER BC NIGHT 48 We are C/U on the back of a head of extremely long hair,-the same ringed hands wielding scissors, frenziedly hack and chop in a flurry of hair barbarism! CUT BACK TO49 INT HALLWAY, DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 49 OMP ... Next mornin' he's woke up ... gone into the bathroom for a wash ... Looked in the mirror ... seen the state of his barnet and he's flipped `is lid! ... He's hit the roof!...-He's gone apeshit!.. CUT TO50 INT OLD TESTAMENT BATHROOM DAY 50 We see SAMSON... 6'5"... Hunky, handsome, beefcake... His hair cut superman-style ... Going beserk! ... Smashing the roo m up .. . Wa il ing .. . Sc rea mi ng .. . H ow li ng ... W it h displeasure at his new style... CUT BACK TO51 INT HALLWAY, DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 51 OMP ... H e's r each ed fo r hi s tru sty broadsword only to discover he can't pick it up - weighs a ton!! ... His strength was in his hair you see ... He can't even pick up his fuckin' toothbrush! ... From then on his life was terrible ... Fell apart!... They stabbed 'is eyes out ... blinded 'im! Stuck `im in a dungeon!... Bread and water!... Whipped! Lashed! Mornin', noon and night!... CUT TO52 INT DUNGEON BC NIGHT 52 SAMSON, chained up, sporting a pudding basin cut ... His bare back being lashed by TWO BURLY, UNIFORMED SOLDIERS ... Crack! Crack! Crack!.. Over this we hear... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 57.52 CONTINUED: 52 OMP (VOICE) ... His life was a fuckin' misery!.. C/U on SAMSON'S agonised face as he's being whipped, his hair something of a `bob'... Over this we hear... OMP (VOICE) (CONT'D) ... But all the while see, his hair's growin' back in! JUMP CUT TO C/U on SAMSON'S agonised face as he's being whipped, his hair somewhat 'pageboy'... Over this we hear... OMP (VOICE) (CONT'D) ... He's gettin' stronger! JUMP CUT TO SAMSON. Long haired, chained up alone in the, dungeon ... Presently the sound of the heavy door being unbolted ... Slowly it eases open ... And there stands DELILAH, tears in her eyes... OMP VOICE ... She comes to visit `'im ... Tries to make it up... She throws herself on him ... Is all over him ... Smothering him with kisses ... We see SAMSON'S harsh, hard, set face as he's being kissed... OMP VOICE (CONT'D) But he don't want to know! - Well he sort of does ... but anyway... Sud de nl y t he c ha ine d up S AMS ON s pu rns t he r epe nt an t DELILAH... He lashes out with his sandaled, foot ... And boots her across the room ... She lands like a sack of potatoes against the wall... CUT BACK TO53 INT HALLWAY, DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 53 OMP ... Now by this stage his hair's down 'ere... (INDICATES ON HIMSELF) ... And his might's comin' back - Slowly but surely!... Comes the day of the big party in the temple and he's well up for it! Can't wait! Bent on vengeance!... But he's got fuck all on `im - no weapons - no nothin' - No matter!... CUT TO Pink Revised 21st May 2008 58.54 INT TEMPLE PARTY BC NIGHT 54 MUSIC 'CANNED HEAT' BY JAMIROQUAI... Lavish, debauched frivolities- PHILISTINES, MACEDONIANS, PERSIANS ETC having a ball...to one side of the dance floor we see the forlorn figure of SAMSON... OMP VOICE He's chained up between these two columns ... Great thick pillars ... And all the guests are taunting 'im ... slaggin' 'im off... We see this ... Liberties being taken with poor SAMSON ... Women teasing him ... Dwarfs kicking -him ... A camp chap in a robe lifting SAMSON'S tunic to reveal his undergarments- SAMSON, somewhat mincily, twists and writhes, squirms, in a vain attempt to protect his modesty ... But it is hopeless ... The tau nter s s quea l w ith del ight at his pa thet ic plight... . OMP VOICE (CONT'D) ... Callin' 'im this and that ... every name under the sun and he thinks - right - fuck you lot, 'ave some of this... SAMSON, incensed, begins to push mightily against the pillars -his face a mask of crazed revenge CUT BACK TO.55 INT HALLWAY DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 55 OLD MAN PEANUT is determinedly pushing against the walls of the hallway ... The others, slightly bored, vaguely amused, watch him... OMP (Pushing the walls) ... And with 'is bare hands...'is simple, big, bare fuckin' hands - he's pushed and he's pushed... pushed and pushed -'uffin' an' puffin' 'eavin' an 'oin'... until the ve r y f o u n d a t i o n s o f t h e h o u s e o f debauchery start to crack - to yield... to crumble... and I'm tellin' ya, they built things proper in them days. Built to last - this was no mean feat...And with one mammoth shove ... One terrible thrust... He's brought the whole kaboodle crashin' to the ground!... He's killed the whole fuckin' tot of 'em!! CUT TO Pink Revised 21st May 2008 59.56 INT TEMPLE DEVASTATED NIGHT 56 Chaos... Panic stricken party-goers fleeing in terror... Rushing towards and past the camera... Behind them the temple in ruins ... People crushed ... Limbs sticking out of the rubble... CUT BACK TO57 INT HALLWAY, DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 57 ARCHIE And 'imself! OMP And 'imself! ... He didn't give a fuck about 'imself by this point! ... And all because.... MUSIC begins "THIS & THAT" by TOM JONES... CUT TO58 INT ROOM DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 58 MUSIC CONTINUES-... LOVERBOY is as before ... We see the back of COLIN as he leans on the mantelpiece ... Deep in thought... OMP VOICE ... And all because?... CROSS FADE TO59 EXT DESERTED STREETS/ALLEYWAY RAIN NIGHT 59 THE MUSIC CONTINUES... The streets deserted..... Bleak.... Drizzly.... Foreboding CROSS FADE TO...60 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 60 THE MUSIC CONTINUES... COLIN sits in front of LOVERBOY... staring intently at him... OMP VOICE ... And all because?... CROSS FADE TO...61 EXT DESERTED STREETS/ALLEYWAYS RAIN NIGHT 61 THE MUSIC CONTINUES... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 60.61 CONTINUED: 61 The stre ets seem ingl y de sert ed... . B leak .... Driz zly... . Foreboding.... We become aware of the gentle clicking of high heel shoes... CROSS FADE TO...62 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 62 THE MUSIC CONTINUES- COLIN stands directly behind LOVERBOY ... staring down murderously at him... OMP VOICE ... And all because?... COLIN slowly lifts his head ... and stares down the barrel of the camera... CUT TO63 INT HALLWAY, DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 63 C/U on OLD MAN PEANUT... OMP ... of a woman! THE MUSIC STOPS. CUT TO.64 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 64 COLIN staring darkly at LOVERBOY... COLIN ...(QUIETLY)... I was up at the window... the broken window... I called to her ... She * couldn't have heard me... couldn't have heard me... I went fuckin' bananas ... ballistic ... went fuckin' spare ... You ain't seen nothin' like this ... like what I did ... I 'was possessed ... I smashed my home up! With my bare hands I smashed my home to pieces!'... BANG! Elbowed the telly!... BANG!... There goes the coffee table!... BANG!...That's the stereo fucked!... BANG!., Gonna need a new settee now!... And carpets!... And it's BANG this and its BANG that! BANG! BANG! BANG! - Like Sonny and fuckin' Cher!... I almost killed the family dog! - You almost killed the family dog! D'You * accept that you've spunked all over my marriage? (LOVERBOY SLIGHTLY NODS) ... (MORE) Pink Revised 21st May 2008 61.64 CONTINUED: 64 COLIN (CONT'D) Note that the prisoner has nodded his head ... How do you plead? ... Exactly! As sin!... Before sentence is passed, do you have anythin' to say for yourself? No you don't! Take him away... come'ere!... I'm gonna strangle your eyeballs out! Gonna embed your 'ead in that wall!... He lunges towards LOVERBOY ... murderously, his hands about to strangle... SUDDENLY... LIZ'S VOICE (From outside. Distant) No! COLIN freezes in his tracks, shocked at what he has heard... What he thinks he has heard... Backs away from LOVERBOY... Gathers himself... Makes his way gingerly to the filthy window... Tries to clear the accumulated grime with the palm of his hand... Eventually can just about see through onto the street... All seems quiet, deserted... But no... He catches a glimpse, a blur, of red -- A figure? ... Disappears... Colin shocked... backing away from the window slightly... Then edging closer again... Peering through ... Seeing ... 30 yds away, standing stock still, staring back at him... LIZ... She is glamorous ... A slinky red cocktail dress... High heels... No bag... No coat... Un-bloody, un-marked, un-scathed... Full make up... A fantastic face... A fantastic face...staring back at him... COLIN (Shell-shocked) ... Liz! She turns ... Walks into the dark ... And is gone... COLIN desperate, can't see properly, smashes the filthy pane of glass with his elbow... Suddenly legs appear at the window... Striding silently past ... But they are giant- she must be 50ft tall... And now they are gone ...64A INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE 64A * COLIN turns back into the room now populated with OMP , * MEREDITH, MAL and ARCHIE. COLIN stands strong... As strong as * he can ... Braced ... Holding his head high - as high as he can ... Expectant ... Looking towards the door ... As it slowly begins to open ... LIZ enters... * MAL She's got some fuckin' balls, I'll tell ya... she has got some fuckin' balls! And now she appears ... In the doorway ... And COLIN is looking at her ... At LIZ... The men have taken their seats ... Interested ... Very interested... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 62.64A CONTINUED: 64A OMP I knew she'd show her Jezebel face! MAL (To Loverboy) 'Ere, Romeo, things are lookin' up ... the cavalry's arrived!... Can't you smell it?! COLIN is looking at her ... But her loveliness is sapping his strength ... He can't take it ... He can't take the beauty... He crumples into a nearby armchair ... His face averted from all ... Eventually LIZ (Look ing a t Lov erbo y. So tto voce) ... Bastards... MAL What's that, slag? ARCHIE Now that's something I don't like - A woman swearin'... Its unbecomin'! OMP She wants her fucking mouth washed out with soap, she does! MAL Jokin', mate ... she'd fuckin' love that! LIZ You all must be very proud of yourselves. OMP Not yet we ain't but we're gettin' there! LIZ What have you done to him? ARCHIE It's a ll se lf in flict ed... all self inflicted. OMP He's a masherkist! MEREDITH A what?! OMP A masherkist!... You must know what a masherkist is! Don't you know what a masherkist is? - A masherkist! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 63.64A CONTINUED: (2) 64A MEREDITH (Laughing ... Can't bear it) Don't say that word anymore ... please! LIZ (Takes out a cigarette) ... Mal, have you got a light? MAL What? Yeah... MAL goes to LIZ ... Lights her cigarette ... She touches his hand gently as he does so... MAL looks at her ... She looks at him... OMP (To Mal) What you doin? MAL (Dumbly) Giving her a light... OMP Well just give her it, then! Doesn't `ave to be all that! MAL hesitates ... Returns to his seat ... Eventually... LIZ Thanks, Mal. LONG PAUSE... MEREDITH 'Ere Liz...'ere's a funny thing ... Last week, right, I went to get a new pair of shoes ... down Bond Street ... So I've popped into this shop and I've said I want that pair - those in the window - in a ten... So he's brought'em to me and I tr i es 'e m o n .. . b e au t if u l. . . l ik e slippers... bit loud for this lot but me to a 'T'... I'll 'ave 'em... Ow much?... Four 'undred and forty four pounds!... So I'm counting out the money and I can feel the assistant standing too close - like here - like his head's by my chin ... So I've eased him back a tad and I says, 'ow much were these again? ... and he's told me ... repeated it ... Four 'undred and forty-four pounds ... Tell you what, I say s. .. I' ll g iv e y ou f iv e 'un dr ed for'em... I'll get the box, he says ... but I've called him back ... (MORE) Pink Revised 21st May 2008 64.64A CONTINUED: (3) 64A MEREDITH (CONT'D) Never mind the box, I says, stick `em in a paper bag!... Right you are, sir, he says ... and toddles off. LIZ I know you hate me. MEREDITH Lovely shoes! ... Hate you? ... No-one's hating ... not in this room ... So shut your fucking mouth! ARCHIE (Pointing to Meredith's feet) Is that them? MEREDITH (Eyes on Liz) ... No... these are boots ... this was shoes ... Would you like something to drink, Liz? ... (he walks over to her with his whiskey bottle) ... Sorry we ain't got a glass ... D'you mind the bottle? OMP Up yer arse! MEREDITH (Tuts. Waves his finger at Old * Man Peanut) Peanut!... (To LIZ) ... Apologies for that ... That was uncalled for ... Do you forgive 'im? LIZ I didn't hear him. MEREDITH ... I said sorry we ain't got a glass ... D'you mind the bottle? And he said, `Up your arse!"... D'you forgive 'im? LIZ ignores- reaches for the whiskey bottle ... Takes a swig ... Hands it back... MEREDITH returns to his seat... ARCHIE Why'd you give' im five 'undred for 'em? MEREDITH You wouldn't understand. ARCHIE No I don't! OMP He was bein' flash! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 65.64A CONTINUED: (4) 64A OMP (CONT'D) * Is it true?... Is it? ... Is it true, Liz? LIZ Is what true? OMP Is it true you're expectin? MAL (Surprised) Is she?! OMP (Relishing the thought) Could be!... Could be, Col!... (COLIN IS LISTENING. ALARMED. ALL EARS) ... Eh? ... A little one . .. a l ittle bastard!... LIZ (Dismissively) Oh, shut up ... you idiot! COLIN looks at her, weighing it up, unsure... OMP Coz if it's true ... if it is true ... * you're comin' round my house ... get in the back room ... bottle of gin ... in the tin bath ... and my Agnes'll take care of it - with a coat hanger!... Then that'll be ta ken ca re of and we can forget all about this slack behaviour of yours... MEREDITH It's not exactly BUPA, is it?! OMP (To Meredith) It's the way it's done! It's what you do!... To amend! MAL Nah ... you're just gettin' your rocks off! - He's just gettin' 'is rocks off, Colin! OMP If she were mine I'd stone 'er! LIZ * Like you've been stoning Agnes for years? 66.64A CONTINUED: (5) 64A OMP You what?... What did you say?... You're wrong!... Fucking fornicator!... -She's loyal to me... Faithful and true! ... LIZ She's just scared... OMP You bitch!... Bad-mouthing me!... You!... Its outrageous!... Knock some sense into her , C ol in! .. . B eat i t o ut of h er! You're in trouble you cunt and you know it! .. . You hear me? ... W hore! ... Colin, if you're not gonna do something about this ... I'll do something! LIZ Like what? Piss your pants? OMP 'Ow dare you!...'Ow dare you!... I'll mark your face forever!... I'll knock your fuckin' teeth out (as he says this his dentures slip out of his mouth. his jaw grapples to re-grip them) LIZ laughs at his plight... LIZ Come on then... OMP (Flustered) Colin! LIZ What are you waiting for? OLD MAN PEANUT, furious, rises... ARCHIE Don't rise to it, Pop! OMP (Sitting) ...Yeah, you're right! ... Why give her the satisfaction?! ... I wouldn't gi ve h e r th e p ic ki n gs o f f my handkerchief! ... (TO LIZ) In time ... In time lady ... All in good time ... I'm gonna enjoy watching you squeal lik e th e sow y ou a re! .. . An d yer little piglet! LIZ Oh, grow up! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 67.64A CONTINUED: (6) 64A MAL (Indicating Loverboy) He ' s n ot sa y in ' m uc h , i s h e, To m Cruise?! ARCHIE He's keepin' his head down...'Opin it'll go away... OMP Well, it won't!... Whoremonger! MAL (To Loverboy) Oi, fi shface ... S he's lookin ' at you!... Now she's lookin' at me! ... Now she's lookin' at you again!... (TO THE MEN) ... Did you see that? How she went f rom lo ve to hate in a s plit second? OMP Typical! MAL (To Loverboy) Come on then! ... Give her a look! ... A look of love! ... Oi, buggerlugs, you listenin?...Am I talkin' to myself 'ere?! Fuckin' look at 'er! ... Look at `er, you worthless'cowson! OMP Adulterer! ARCHIE Look at 'er! MAL Cunt!! LIZ Stop it! MAL Shut up!... (TO LOVERBOY) Look at `er! Slowly, painfull y, LOVER BOY lif ts his h ead to l ook at LIZ...they stare into each other's eyes... ARCHIE (Falsely moved) Aahh! MAL ... By the way... Do you still love her? Pink Revised 21st May 2008 68.64A CONTINUED: (7) 64A Slowly LOVERBOY looks away from LIZ... MAL (CONT'D) There's your answer!... I think we can take that as a 'No'!... Well we've learnt something ... Fear is stronger than love! ARCHIE I knew that!... Everyone knows that!... MEREDITH (Staring at Colin) ... Do they?... LIZ is staring at LOVERBOY... COLIN watching her every move like a hawk....she rises from her chair ... Goes to LOVERBOY ... Kneels beside him ... Gently turns his face to look at her ... She smiles at him with great tenderness - COLIN, heartbroken, watches ... LIZ kneeling beside LOVERBOY... Tenderly stroking his face ... The men chatter quietly feeling for COLIN... MAL (Sotto voce) Should he be seein' that? MEREDITH (Sotto Voce) Can't be favourite! OMP (quietish) They may as well be fuckin' doin' it in front of 'im! ARCHIE (Sympathetically sotto voce) That's gotta smart! MAL (Sotto voce) You do not wanna see your wife tendin' to another man in that way! - That's 'usband only stuff!. MEREDITH 'S quite beautiful, really... OMP What you on about?! 'S ugly! 'S `ideous! - it's pornogrographic! MEREDITH ...'S like a paintin'...'Loverboy bein' tended to by 'is Liz ... (ARCHIE and MAL suppressing laughter) ... with spare prick Colin lookin' on'! ... (MORE) Pink Revised 21st May 2008 69.64A CONTINUED: (8) 64A MEREDITH (CONT'D) (giggling schoolboys) ... Oil on canvas! ... I might paint that when I get home ... give it to Archie's mum on Pancake Day... MAL (Wetting himself) Shutup!! ARCHIE (Wiping away a laughter tear) Poor bastard! MAL (Sobering) ... You alright Col? Now COLIN turns from the Pieta ... Towards the men... COLIN (to MAL) ... Yeah, I'm alright, Archie! MAL What? ARCHIE I'm Archie! MAL I'm Mal! COLIN I'm not Colin! MEREDITH That's interestin'! OMP (Confused) Eh! COLIN He's gone. ARCHIE Gone? ... Where? ... Where you gone, son? COLIN There is no Colin... No such man... No such person... Not anymore... There was a man called Colin... He looked like me... But not anymore ... (pause) His boots were covered in icing... OMP Eh! 70.64A CONTINUED: (9) 64A COLIN * ... Little mornin' suit... * MEREDITH * (Cheerily tipping an invisible * hat) Mornin'! COLIN ... Little gentleman... (goes over to LIZ...) You remember Colin, don't you?... Course you do!.. No?... He had a big heart!... Don't you remember? 'Ave you forgot ? - h is ki ndnes s... His s weet nature ... C ouldn 't do enou gh, c ould he?... Family man... Proud... His kids... Home... His wife... How he used to make her laugh... Spoil her... Dote on her... Different treats... Ah, well!... Do you know what happened to him? - I do!... Yeah!... He was murdered! Yeah!, In his kitchen - that's right!... in his own fuckin' kitchen!... Had his fuckin' heart ripped out ... standin' by the fridge... Should've seen his face - Stupid! Looked like a cunt !... He did!... You would've laughed! ARCHIE (Straight) No one's callin' you a cunt, Col. COLIN (To Liz ... indicating Loverboy) ... He met Colin! ... Didn't you? ... Last night ... Do you remember? ... He wasn't very nice to you was he?! ... No he wasn't! (DIRECTLY TO LIZ) Didn't k n o w w h a t f u c k i n ' h i t h im ! He remembers Colin, alright! ... The man Colin!... MAL Yeah, he fucked 'is fuckin' wife, didn't he?! Fucked 'is fuckin' wife! LIZ (Rises takes out a cigarette) What and you wouldn't? MAL is stunned ... LIZ sits by OLD MAN PEANUT ... who without thinking, lights her cigarette... MAL What did you say? What did she say?... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 71.64A CONTINUED: (10) 64A LIZ I said that given half a chance you'd try to fuck me. All eyes on MAL... MAL (Defensively) Not now I wouldn't! COLIN (Studying him) Well when, then? MAL Never! Fuck off! - What is this?! ... (a l l e ye s o n M A L) Fu c k' s s a ke ! .. . What?. .. Wh at th e fuc k is this? !... Don't! ... Don't do this, Col... this ain't right! ... What you tryin' to do - put me in the fuckin' wardrobe?! ... Wel l, I' m no t goi n' in th e fuc ki n' war dr obe !. .. I re fu se to g o i n th e fuckin' wardrobe !.. Alright?!... Fuckin' make me out to be a... to be a... COLIN To be a what? MAL Look she's a good lookin' woman - she's beautiful - she's sexy - she's horny - fuckin' Meredith said as much - You'd have to be blind not to notice - deaf and dumb - but if you're expectin' me to deny that ... I'm not gonna! ... But one thing I am fuckin' not ... one thing I am most definitely not - is - LIZ - A liar. MAL That's fuckin' right! Fuckin' right!... Look, Colin, you've obviously got a bee in your bonnet about somethin' but all I did was give her a light! COLIN I've told you ... I'm not Colin MAL (Irate) Yeah? Well I'm not fuckin' Liz! - He is! (Points to LOVERBOY) 72.64A CONTINUED: (11) 64A COLIN looks to LOVERBOY ... looks back to MAL ... stares at * him ... eventually lets it go ... looks at the men... looks * at LIZ, who sits smoking ... looks to LOVERBOY... * CUT TO65 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 65 COLIN and LOVERBOY alone ... COLIN studying him... COLIN You 'r e m or e 'an dso me tha n m e. Mor e virile. Younger. Probably more sexually experienced ... patient, considerate, tender, sensitive, kind, thoughtful, sh a r i ng , g i vi n g , in t e l l ig e n t , passionate... D'you want me to go on? ... Bet you get her goin' ... take her there ... talk to her, listen to her, hear her - yo u h ea r h e r! . . . Y o u l au g h - together!... God you're manly! Fuckin' manly! ... What a man ! "Go d's g ift! You're everythin a woman could want... I can just see your wardrobe! - Everythin' colour co-ordinated! Whatever you pick out to wear ... whatever combination - it works! - You look superb! ... And your underw ear - immac ulate ! 100 % cot ton! Dazzlin'!... Not like my pinky grey-y things! Nah, you've just got it - good at everythin'! ... Me - on the other hand - I'm good at sittin'!... Sit, sit, sit... watch, watch, watch ... drink, drink, drink... Honestly, she must've spent * half our marriage yawnin "... The kids -- d'you know what they call me? - Captain Arsehole! - Oh, but they do! Captain Arsehole! - They were thinkin' of gettin' T-shirts printed up for the whole family with my photo on them and the legend "Captain Arsehole" printed underneath!... And you know what? - I'd ave worn one! - I would've! If it'd've pleased them - given 'em a laugh - I'd a worn one! ... Wouldn't I, Liz? He turns-but the room is empty ... Just him and LOVERBOY ... COLIN realises he's been seen talking to himself ... Turns on LOVERBOY... COLIN (CONT'D) What you starin' at?!... French Cunt!... * Sittin' there all superior... Shut your mouth - shut your noise... (pause) Shut your eyes!... Shut your fuckin' eyes!... (LOV ERB OY do es so ... CO LI N g ra bs a chair... sits facing LOVERBOY)... (MORE) Pink Revised 21st May 2008 73.65 CONTINUED: 65 COLIN (CONT'D) Right - you're comin' with me!... (pause, stares hard at terrified LOVERBOY ) ... This is it... here we are... The Master bedroom, look... CUT TO66 INT MASTER BEDROOM DETACHED SUBURBAN VILLA DAY 66 We enter the bedroom just behind COLIN ... He looks over his shoulder ... Talks/refers directly to camera/LOVERBOY ... COLIN ...recently painted... That's the bed... see the tangled sheets?!... (indicates a door. Opens it.)... Bathroom! - en suite look ... gold taps! - but never mind that... ignore all that... that's not why you're in `ere... It's that - that look - this - this look - this 'ere... (he has moved to a chest of drawers)... this chest of drawers... Inside here, mate, is tre as ure .. . (ca re ss es th e che st o f drawers). Treasure like you wouldn't fuckin' believe! - Should we have a look inside it?... Shall we?...We fuckin' shall!... (slowly opens a drawer)... What we got 'ere? 'S her underwear, look ... all s oft a n' wa rm .. . a n' p ret ty .. . (slowly turns to us. Stares darkly. Turns away. Shuts the drawer)... Shut that... 'Ow a bou t th is on e? (o pe ns an ot he r drawer ) My socks and pants ! (cl oses it)... What about this one? This could be interestin'... (slowly opens another drawer. His face lights up). Bingo! (He extracts an old document. holds it up for us to see) ... See this? See it? D'you know what this is? No?... I'll tell ya what this is - 's the contract!...'s the marriage contract! (stares smugly)... Lets see what it says, shall we? (READS) 'Mr and Mrs Colin Diamond!'... It's there in black and white. Plain as the broken nose on your face...'Married'! 'By law! 'Before God'!... There's no gettin' round that!... We must accept that!... So... this piece of paper's gonna be a bit trick y... yeah, diff icult ... hmm ... (MUSES) Tell ya what, lets lay it aside for a bit... (puts it back)...'Allo , what's this? (takes out a photograph) 'S a p ho to! T ha t's u s on ou r wed di ng ' day!... Don't laugh at-the suit ... pony 'aircut!.. (stares at it intently) But didn't she look lovely!....What else we got in 'ere? (rummages) The stuff you keep!...'Ere's 'er garter, look! (MORE) Pink Revised 21st May 2008 74.66 CONTINUED: 66 COLIN (CONT'D) (shows it to us) ... Blue, of course!... Wha t' s i n th is bo x? (o pe ns a sm al l box)... Oh, it's cake! Bit of cake! Still all right. . still moist - you could eat that!... (looks at it intently... then returns it to the drawer. Now his eye catches something inside and slowly he reaches in ... gently extracts a fancy, pearl handled, gleaming, 12" knife.) 'Ere's the knife we cut it with!... (he - confronts us. Holding it staring at us darkly. Murderously ... Eventually...) ... Best put this away, eh?. '. (slides the knife back into the drawer. Finds something else ... Something 2 inches tall. His face fills with wonder)... Ere's a little man, look ... off the top of the cake! Ain't he 'andsome! (looks closely at it)... In 'is little mornin' suit ... aahh!! - Top hat - spats 'n' al l ! . . . I t s m e ! ! . . . ( S u d d e n l y , violently, he thrusts the 2 inch groom towards us/camera. Holding. It. Shaking with rage) ... You've made me feel that sm a ll ! !! (p u ll s h i ms e lf to g et h er . Retracts the figure) ... He's goin' back in the drawer! (QUICKLY RETURNS IT) ... Safe! ... Away from you!!... CUT BACK TO 75-78.67 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 67 LOVERBOY with his eyes shut ... COLIN, upset, opposite... COLIN Away from you!! ... (TURNING to THE ROOM) Away from him!! He turns...and we now see the others back in the room ... But... LIZ's head is on MEREDITH'S body she smokes ... MEREDITH'S head is on ARCHIE'S body he leans on the mantelpiece ... ARCHIE'S head is on MAL's body standing ... MAL's head is OLD MAN PEANUT's body sitting... C/U on COLIN'S face ... He can't believe it ... Addresses the MEREDITH/LIZ person COLIN (CONT'D) (Perplexed) What's 'appenin', Meredith? But this figure does not reply ... The response comes from the LIZ/MEREDITH combo... LIZ/MEREDITH (But with Old Man Peanut's voice) Oh, I'm not Meredith! OMP (but with ARCHIE,s gruff voice) Oh, gawd! ! COLIN confused ... Fascinated ... Scared ... Especially by the relaxed, cross legged, smoking, sexy-bodied, feminine form disturbingly topped with the nasty old head of OLD MAN PEANUT ... it speaks... OMP/LIZ (but with MEREDITH'S smooth voice) ... My name is Max. COLIN - No - Sacha! ... CUT TO68 EXT ELEGANT STATELY HOME DAY 68 We take in the splendor of a grand old stately house...Over this we hear... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 78A.68 CONTINUED: 68 MEREDITH V/O Sacha is it...Alright...Sacha it is...It's your nightmare, Col...I'm only the chauffeur... We now see MEREDITH.... Immaculate in a dove grey chauffeur's uniform - below the window ... On the impressive gravel drive ... Tending to an orange coloured Bentley... Over this we hear... MEREDITH VO Liz hates me ... She's a lady ... Rich bitch ... Fuck all to do 'cept shop and wank... Bored out of her box... She's at the window ... looking out ... looking down... We see the upper regency window ... Behind it, staring through, looking down, is LIZ ... Wearing electric pink jodhpurs ... Leaf-green, silk, blouse and stock ... Riding boots ... Her face spectacularly made up - severe.... Over this we hear... MEREDITH VO (CONT'D) I'm in the drive, waxing the Bentley... I can feel her eyes... on me... scorching through my dove-grey uniform... but I'll be damned if I'm gonna look at her... I know she's crying... and I can feel her loneliness ... emptiness... longing... So I'm buffin' away with my cloth... my little chamois - leather!... MEREDITH stops waxing ... LIZ at the window staring down... he does not look at her... MEREDITH VO (CONT'D) ... Think I'll `ave a fag... One deserve one ... Its hard work rubbing a car down... I smoke - What do I smoke Col? * COLIN (V.O.) Sovereigns! * He takes out a pack of cigarettes- studies the box with mild disapproval... MEREDITH VO (CONT'D) * Sovereigns!...Alright!...Get the ugly * old silver pack out ... put one in my * mouth ... yellow 'clipper'... light it ... lean on the bonnet... puff away ... She's still fuckin' looking at me... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 78B.68 CONTINUED: (2) 68 MEREDITH THE CHAUFFEUR (Not looking at Liz) ... Aintcha?! MEREDITH (V.O.) * ...Hang on, you're playing safe `ere * Col. This is more Mal... * MAL (V.O.) * Oh. Fucking cheers Meredith. * Suddenly Mal is the chauffeur -looking as though he's * dressed in a hurry... * MAL VO * What am I doin' `ere?... Is she looking at me?...She is ain't she...She's looking at me!... We see LIZ at the window... She is slowly, erotically, flagrantly, licking the glass... MAL VO (CONT'D) * Hold up!...What's she doin' now?...She's licking the bleedin' window...Licking the bleedin' glass!...What's she doin' that for?...That's a bit weird, innit?!...Bloody `ell! Now he turns ... C/U on him as he looks up at the window and stares ... Over this we hear... MAL VO (CONT'D) * ... That's not right! - That ain't - That's wrong!...Take note Colin, this * has nothing to do wi' me ...I'm just * mindin' my own business ... I'm just 'aving a break - `Aving a kit kat! CUT TO69 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 69 All in the room...'normal! Again...MAL snaps a piece of chocolate off a bar and hands it to ARCHIE... ARCHIE (To Meredith) They ain't lookin' for a gardener at this place by any chance, are they? MAL * I don't think you'd like that job. Don't think you'd be interested in that particular post. Pink Revised 21st May 2008 78C.69 CONTINUED: 69 ARCHIE Why's that? MEREDITH Gardener fucks the maid! ARCHIE Sounds alright! MEREDITH You ain't seen the maid! ARCHIE Be alright, I'll be wearin' muddy gloves! They all laugh... * COLIN * What about me? * MEREDITH smiles... Eventually looks at COLIN. * MEREDITH * You? Well, Colin, since you ask... * you're the thing in the basement... * with the hood on... ain't he Peanut? * OMP * Eh? * CUT TO70 INT NARROW STONE STAIRCASE LEADING TO DUNGEON NIGHT 70 We are at the foot of the stairs ... can hear footsteps descending ... and now OLD MAN PEANUT appears ... carrying a battered old suitcase ... he opens the heavy, wooden, studded, creaking, dungeon door and enters ... we see a figure, trussed up in bin bags and with an old Tesco bag on its head hanging from a meat-hook ... it struggles...OLD MAN PEANUT slams down the case ... opens it ... inside a jumbled variety of rusty tools /gadgets/ implements.... from the tangled hardware he manages to extract a thick, rusty file ... an ancient heavy plane...a mallet-and a six inch nail ... uttering to himself... OMP This is gonna 'urt you much more than its gonna'urt me!... I feel for ya, I really don't... (turns and addresses the hanging figure). You're mincemeat, mate! - 'Mincemeat! CUT TO: 78D.71 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 71 All in the room...COLIN on his feet. his blood up... COLIN I am gonna kill `im, Liz - and I'm glad you're here to see it! ... To see the man you said `I do' to, defend his honour! I'm gonna kill `im... like the beast you think I am! ARCHIE Go on, son, fill yer boots! OMP 'Bout fuckin' time! COLIN 'Throttle 'im! Kick his sorry arse from here t o Sun day! (HE I S LOO MING OVER LOVERBOY, THREATENINGLY, FISTS CLENCHED) ... Tell me you don't love me, Liz... LIZ I don't love you. COLIN Break 'is fuckin' neck!... (TO LIZ) Come on, I can take it! Say it!! - Say you don't love me!... LIZ I don't love you. COLIN (Shocked. Rocked) Don't say that! ... What did you say? ARCHIE She don't love you, Col. OMP 'ow 'urtfull MEREDITH He's a masherkist! COLIN (To Liz. Devastated) ... You don't love me? She stares at him... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 79.71 CONTINUED: 71 COLIN (CONT'D) ... Not even a little bit? She stares at him... COLIN (CONT'D) (Intimate. Tender) You were my Queen. You were my rock ... I can't - I wish - Wish I could tell you - I wish - wish you could feel how much - how very very very much - how very much I - I - I'd lay down and die for you! - If that would get you back, that's what I'd do! -- Oh, that sounds stupid doesn't it?! But you know what I mean... I mean... Id cut both my arms off if I could hold you one last t ime -- oh, that' s mad an' all, innit!... I love you -- `S as simple as that! -- Or as complicated! -- whichever it is -- I'm not sure -- I wish I knew -- I wish you `adn't've done this, Liz... I really wish you `adn't've done this!... I just wish that we -- At this moment LOVERBOY shifts ever so slightly in his chair to ease his discomfort... COLIN flips... COLIN (CONT'D) (Apoplectic) FUCKIN' SHUTUP YOU CUNT !!!... I'LL PULL YOUR FUCKIN' ARSEHOLE OUT IN A MI N U T E ! ! ! (Turns back to Liz, immediately loving again)... That we -- (trails off)... I love you, Liz... I just need you to understand -- that I love you!... (Getting desperate)... I'm a good bloke, Liz! -- A really good bloke!... (she is staring at him)... Liz, please -- you gotta give me somethin'... so me th i n' ... p le as e... I d es er ve somethin'... Twenty one years is a long -- that's a lotta life -- to dedicate -- surely -- please... Liz... somethin'... LIZ staring at him... LIZ ... Help me. COLIN (Taken aback) Wha'? LIZ Help me. Pink Revised 21st May 2008 80.71 CONTINUED: (2) 71 COLIN staring at her... CUT TO72 EXT GRASS VERGE BESIDE ELEVATED MOTORWAY NIGHT 72 A car has parked on the motorway... It's door ajar... The DRIVER is hurriedly/scrambling down the muddy grass verge... Towards the body of LIZ... She turns her head slowly and with great difficulty towards him... LIZ (Faintly) Help me... CUT TO73 INT KITCHEN/HALLWAY/LOUNGE DETACHED SUBURBAN VILLA NIGHT 73 Chaos... Violence... Terror... Screaming... LIZ, battered, scrambling around on the kitchen floor... COLIN, mad, grabbing a knife... After her... On her... Screaming in her face... Insane... With rage... Fighting... Struggling... LIZ somehow managing to squeeze through the kitchen door... COLIN after her like a fiend... Her going down again... Him stamping on her... Kicking... Booting... Like she's the worst dog in the world... Horrific... Horrendous... Horrible... He's going to kill her... A howling, wounded beast... he r la s t ve st i ge o f s tr en gt h ... F o rc in g h er se lf up ... Running/scrambling in absolute terror... Through the lounge... Banging off walls and furniture... And still he's in pursuit... Her life's going to end here... She takes her chances... Runs at it... To get away... runs at it... Running at the window... Straight at the window... And crashing through... And down... And COLIN shocked... And can't believe it... and horrified... And brought closer to his senses... Him going to it... going to the shattered window... A weak man... Trembling... And frightened... And holding onto the window frame to stay upright... And looking out... And down... And seeing her getting up and struggling... And limping... And broken... And bleeding... And running away... Running away... Fleeing... From him... From the monster at the window... From COLIN... COLIN (Shell-shocked. Distraught. Pathetic) Liz... I'm sorry... Let's talk... (She * has gone into the night)... I love you, Liz!... I love you... ... Liz... Liz, it's * rainin'... (Sobbing and sobbing and * sobbing CUT TO Pink Revised 21st May 2008 81.74 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 74 We are on COLIN's face... His heartbroken face... Awash with tears... Real tears... Tears for her... For LIZ... We pull back slowly and see COLIN on the floor by LOVERBOY's chair... Holding on to LOVERBOY's knees/legs... Desperately holding on... LOVERBOY looking down on him... LOVERBOY's bruised, beaten face loo kin g do wn on h is `tor tur er'... B ut w ith gre at compassion... With huge feeling... His own eyes filling with tears... And COLIN holding on... And sobbing and sobbing and sobbing... C/U on LOVERBOY's bruised and bloody hand as it hangs limp by his side... Slowly, painfully, it begins to move... To reach out... Inches closer to poor COLIN... Gently, soft ly, ten der ly LOVE RBOY pla ces his hand on COLI N's anguished head... So softly... So gently... CUT TO75 INT HALLWAY DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 75 MAL, MEREDITH, ARCHIE and OLD MAN PEANUT waiting in the hall... ARCHIE ...Massive, it was... massive `ead! -- Size of it! -- Like a melon! Like a pumpkin! Grotesque! `Uge!... Well it wasn't so much `is `ead -- it was `is face!... It was just abnormally big -- An abnormality!... Like th e b o ne st r uc t ur e w a s o ut `e r e -- (indicates with his hands) Rhinoceroussy -- `ad grown out of all proportion to the rest of `im... Coz `is skull -- the skull itself -- the top -- it was in actuality quite small -- not much bigger than a co co n ut -- so r t o f po i nt y a n' al l ... Coroner's report said he'd never seen anythin' like it!... They thought they'd found the missin' link! MAL Sounds fuckin' `orrible! ARCHIE Well, apparently not... women liked `im! -- Dunno if he got any -- but seemingly he was quite the thing... Supposedly a right laugh. `Ad a sense of humour -- well you'd `ave to `ave really, wouldn't ya?! MEREDITH ... An' this chap was a good dancer? ARCHIE `S wha t the y sai d -- n ifty! Reg ular twinkletoes! A right Gene Kelly!... Sad tho' -- top yourself like that... Over a cat. Pink Revised 21st May 2008 82.75 CONTINUED: 75 MAL ... He must've loved it. ARCHIE Well a nimal s don 't di scrim inate , do they?... To the cat, he was beautiful! MAL Did they bury them together? ARCHIE Now that I don't know... Be nice if they * `ad... But it's all red tape, innit -- depends on the different by-laws... MAL ...And what borough you live in! They sit in silence... Eventually... MAL (CONT'D) (Rising) ...Well, come on then... this won't get the washing done! ARCHIE Yeah, he's `ad long enough! OMP What's the pillock doin'?! MEREDITH (Jumping down from the piano) My arse has gone to sleep! ARCHIE The ol' numb-bum? MAL (his ear t o the liv ing r oom door) ...It's all gone a bit quiet in there... ARCHIE Whadya reckon? MAL Let's go in... fuck it! OMP `Ope to Christ he's done somethin'! MEREDITH Don't hold your breath! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 83.75 CONTINUED: (2) 75 They enter the room... CUT TO76 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 76 The men file in... COLIN sits in one of the armchairs... LOVERBOY sits with his head bowed... MAL What's been `appenin' then? ARCHIE We any further forward? MAL He's still with us I see... ARCHIE (Going to the cardboard box) I'm `aving a beer... Who wants one? MAL Ill `ave one. OMP Nothin g's h appen ed! -- Why' s not hing happened?! -- Don't you want your pound of flesh? ARCHIE (Opening a can) It's not looking like it! OMP Lord love a duck!... Fuck this!... I give up!... Streuth! (sits)... Fucking baby! Milksop! MEREDITH Had any thoughts, Col? COLIN does not reply... MAL Col? COLIN ...Eh? ARCHIE `Ad any thoughts? COLIN Thoughts? Pink Revised 21st May 2008 84.76 CONTINUED: 76 MAL Yeah, thoughts! COLIN ...One or two... MEREDITH Oh, yeah?... Like what? COLIN I'm letting him go. OMP Do what?!... You ain't!! COLIN It's my decision... That's my decision... It's what I've decided. OMP Cobblers! COLIN Maybe. OMP Poppycock! ARCHIE No, it's his call!... It's your Col' call... * `Col call'! -- `ark at me! -- I'm tired! * MEREDITH Lightweight! ARCHIE ... Well an' truly cream crackered! MAL ...So what are we saying'?... He's walkin'?... COLIN Yeah... He's free to go. OMP "Free to go"! "Free to go"!!... Why don't you give `im a kiss goodnight as well, while you're at it!... Let's `ave a whip- round for the cunt!... I can hear Brighton Billy spinnin' in his fuckin' grave!... "Free to go"!! ARCHIE (Nudgi ng MA L, in dicat ing LOVERBOY) `Ere, he's listenin'... His ears are out on stalks... He can't believe it! Pink Revised 21st May 2008 85.76 CONTINUED: (2) 76 MAL It's not too late to change your mind, Col!... Think about it... I'll do it for you if you like... Freebie! COLIN smiles... MEREDITH ...And Liz... wherever she is... what about her?... She free? COLIN dips his head... bites his lip... sadly nods... MEREDITH (CONT'D) ...Well, that's that then! ARCHIE He's a very lucky boy!... (To LOVERBOY ) You're a very lucky boy!... He fucking is!... Very fortunate! MAL Well come on then... Do the honours, Col... It's your party... Some of us `ave got homes to go to! OMP I'm really upset about this! Pause... COLIN stares at LOVERBOY... Stares... Stares... Then slowly looks away... Eventually... COLIN You're free to go, mate. LOVERBOY does not move... pause... COLIN (CONT'D) (Not looking at him) You're free to go, mate. LO VE R BO Y s hi ft s i n hi s s ea t ... OL D M AN P E AN UT s n or ts derisively... COLIN (CONT'D) (Looks at Loverboy) Go on... LOVERBOY, with great difficulty, gets to his feet... ARCHIE Attaboy! MAL `S he finding his land-legs? Pink Revised 21st May 2008 86.76 CONTINUED: (3) 76 LOVERBOY struggles to walk... Shuffles on painful legs... The black plastic bin bags trail around him... MAL (CONT'D) In your own time! LOVERBOY, very slowly, begins to cross the room... But he is not heading for the door... He is heading towards ARCHIE... ARCHIE What's this... The fuckin' Mummy?! The men chuckle... LOVERBOY reaches ARCHIE and with extreme gratitude he takes ARCHIE's hand... MAL Oh, he likes you! You're his favourite! ARCHIE (Ligh tly shak ing LOVERB OY's hand) Yeah, alright, mate... now fuck off `fore I give you another slap!... Door's there, look!... LOVERBOY shuffles to the door... MAL Mind how you go! OMP `Ere you!... LOVERBOY stops... OMP (CONT'D) Look at me... LOVERBOY turns... OMP (CONT'D) Don't you go blabbing off, now, will ya? LOVERBOY slowly shakes his head... OMP (CONT'D) Good boy... Now get out of my sight you piece of shit! LOVERBOY goes... MAL Close the door behind you! Pause... Slowly the door is closed... The men sit in silence... Eventually... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 87.76 CONTINUED: (4) 76 MEREDITH ....So, Kittens, what're we up to? MAL Dunno... What you doin'? MEREDITH Me an' Peanut are off to The Clayton, ain't we Pop? OMP Yerrr! MEREDITH You might like it.... Never know! Slight pause... OMP D'they do grub there? I'm ready for my * breakfast. * MEREDITH Do what you want.... Y'comin'? OMP ...Yeah... why not?... Be an eye opener, won't it? ARCHIE (Crushing his empty beer can) ...Right , we f or the off then? (To MAL)... You want droppin' off? MAL Yeah... you stoppin' off for one? ARCHIE If you like!... Colin? COLIN (Deep in thought) ... I might catch you later, Arch... (to the men)... I just wanna say.... Thanks... ARCHIE Ah, shutup! We'll be in the Old Bamboo if you fancy one... Right, we're off then... Cheerio! The men all leave... We hear the front door closing... COLIN sits there... Alone in the room... Sits there... * He slowly gets up... Slowly puts his raincoat on... Goes to * the door... Stops... Does not turn... We are on his back... His head bowed... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 88.76 CONTINUED: (5) 76 He goes... We take in the empty room... See the open wardrobe... hear the front door open... CUT TO:77 INT LOUD RED SPACE 77 OLD MAN PEANUT squaring up to use... Super-aggressive... Hyper- cantankerous... Ultra-mean OMP (Direct to camera) Two years later I was dead... I passed away in the small hours in a nursing `ome in Slough, with a drip in me arm, me gnashers in a mug by the bed and me boots most definitely on!... I'd done me hip in the spring and couldn't cope with meself no more at `ome, if you must know... I died in a `orrible fuckin' room they'd give me in the midst of a bunch of doddery, decrepit, dribbling old mongs!... Come the time, this dragon-witch-bitch of a nurse, arsked me if I wanted a fuckin' priest?! To make my peace!... I arsk you!!... I told `em where to get off!... Told `em all to fuck off out of it and leave me to meet my maker on my Jack Todd!... I lay on my pit like a scabby * baby and waited for it... waited for it... waited for it to come... and get me! It came alright... The Reaper came, alright... in the middle of the fucking night -- Like a burglar -- Like a worry... I opened my milky mince's and saw... saw Death... The ugly brute of it... It's black mouth... it's cocky eyes... `ungry like the wolf... for me!... My time was up! I was wanted!... "I'll break you", it said... "I'll fucking' break you!"... I stared at it... hissed at it... spat at it... I raised myself up from the stainy cot with my weak, bony arm... got myself in a proud position -- my spine ramrod straight... It was reaching for me... grabbing at me... laughing at me... "FUCK YOU!", I said... `FUUUCCKK YOOUU!!!!!" CUT TO 89.78 INT PURPLE SPACE 78 MEREDITH (Direct to camera) I've got a new boyfriend... I haven't had a steady in years... He's black, aged 21, beautiful... Works in the city... Ray!... I love that name... Ray!... Met him in a sauna... he looked at me -- I looked at him -- He looked at me... that sort of thing. Just clicked... Got talking... Learnt one or two things about each other... he can't swim -- I like cars, so on and so forth... Took it from there... We've been together three weeks now... Play it by ear... (pause)... Yesterday... he went off to work... I fancied a stroll... `opped on a bus... Hyde Park and I'm walkin'... Serpentine... Past the ducks... I see this rowing boat... man rowin',.. He turns... looks at me... still rowin'... It's him... It's Ray... The boyfriend... We don't acknowledge each other... and I just carry on walking... (pause)... Is he a liar or shouldn't I have been there?... What d'you reckon?... I know what I think! CUT TO79 INT AN AZURE BLUE SPACE 79 ARCHIE (Direct to camera) ...I've met someone... Her names `Azel!... I was a bit nervous at first... fear of the unknown I s'pose... well you get set in your ways, don't ya... anyway, I like `er... like `er a lot- `s a nice feelin' -- an' she says she likes me an'' all! -- So you never know -- watch this space!... And Mum an' her? -- Do they get on? He looks over his right shoulder... His POV... Pink Revised 21st May 2008 90.79 CONTINUED: 79 A vignette of his MUM and HAZEL (50) sitting on an old sofa, drinking tea and chatting happily... Behind them on a floral wallpapered wall is a painting -- Spanish/Woolworth's style... Carmenesque... A wounded 18th Century soldier is slumped in a chair being tended to by a wild, exotic, gypsy, flamenco-type woman... Nearby, standing alarmed, humiliated and cuckolded wearing a white frilly, puffy- sleeved shirt, red breeches with a gold stripe, black boots, is the shocked faced husband... These three characters bearing an uncanny resemblance to guess who?... C/U on ARCHIE as he turns back to look at us... (the vignette has gone)... ARCHIE (CONT'D) (proud) ...They get on brilliantly!!... I'm taking them to Ikea this afternoon... (raises his eyebrows. Intimate with us). Say a prayer for me! CUT TO80 INT MONOCHROME SPACE... GRAINY... SHADOWY... 80 We can just see part of MAL... His face half in shadow... He is looking at us... Edgy... Defensive... Dodgy... He slips into the shadows... Is gone... CUT TO81 INT ROOM IN DERELICT HOUSE NIGHT 81 * CUT *82 EXT. STREET OUTSIDE HOUSE. 82 COLIN emerges onto the street... Closes the door behind him... We move in on his brave/sad face as he gazes up at the old, bluey, London sky, and says to Liz's spirit... COLIN (Humbled. Accepting. Very quiet) Be lucky, Liz. Slowly he begins to walk the wet street... Away from us... Towards his new life... THE END |