transcript/DIY_r0tWomRZMuA.txt

[0.000 --> 6.920]  Hey everyone and welcome to TopThink.
[6.920 --> 12.880]  Today we're going to learn about 8 ways to read someone's body language.
[12.880 --> 14.880]  Now let's begin.
[14.880 --> 15.880]  Number 1.
[15.880 --> 20.800]  Manipulating Clothing Clothing sends a powerful message.
[20.800 --> 25.320]  Not because of the clothes you wear, but because of the way you use them.
[25.320 --> 30.280]  This people express their body language by interacting with their clothing.
[30.280 --> 34.200]  You might notice someone fiddling with their scarf or messing with the buttons on their
[34.200 --> 35.360]  jacket.
[35.360 --> 38.520]  Both of these cues are types of grooming.
[38.520 --> 43.040]  Gruming is when you make small adjustments to your physical appearance.
[43.040 --> 46.280]  Usually when you're feeling nervous, restless or embarrassed.
[46.280 --> 50.800]  So if you catch someone fidgeting with their clothes, well you know exactly how they're
[50.800 --> 51.800]  feeling.
[51.880 --> 55.920]  But grooming isn't the only way people manipulate their clothing.
[55.920 --> 58.200]  Many people use them as barriers.
[58.200 --> 63.520]  Yeah, they'll put their hands in their pockets or add on more items of clothing like a jacket
[63.520 --> 64.680]  or a hat.
[64.680 --> 68.040]  These body language cues mean that they're putting up walls.
[68.040 --> 73.360]  They're using their clothing to shield their body and feel a sense of safety.
[73.360 --> 77.480]  If you notice these walls going up, then that means they're feeling uncomfortable.
[77.480 --> 81.080]  So give them a little more room to breathe.
[81.080 --> 84.720]  Number two, supporting their body.
[84.720 --> 86.400]  Take a look around any room.
[86.400 --> 90.680]  Pay attention to people's posture and the way they support their bodies.
[90.680 --> 95.040]  You'll often find people slumped against a wall or a piece of furniture.
[95.040 --> 100.960]  But few people even realize how much leaning tells you about someone's emotional state.
[100.960 --> 107.000]  When you let your body slouch, your muscles relax, your spine slumps forward, your blood
[107.000 --> 109.760]  even circulates a little bit slower.
[109.760 --> 113.360]  In other words, you're letting yourself relax for a reason.
[113.360 --> 115.840]  And that reason is usually one of two things.
[115.840 --> 119.960]  Either you're really bored or you're really interested.
[119.960 --> 122.080]  So how can you tell the difference?
[122.080 --> 123.960]  It's all about direction.
[123.960 --> 127.920]  If they're leaning forward on their elbow, supporting their head as you talk, well,
[127.920 --> 130.920]  it's safe to say that you've got their attention.
[130.920 --> 136.120]  But if they're falling back into the wall, arms crossed over their chest, they're probably
[136.120 --> 138.560]  just bored.
[138.560 --> 141.920]  Number three, proximity matters.
[141.920 --> 146.760]  Have you ever noticed how uncomfortable you feel when someone gets too close?
[146.760 --> 151.560]  Even if they're not actually touching you, it's all you can think about because space
[151.560 --> 154.880]  is much more powerful than you realize.
[154.880 --> 160.880]  Edward T. Hall, a cultural anthropologist, was the first to recognize how important personal
[160.880 --> 162.760]  space can be.
[162.760 --> 168.520]  In his book, The Hidden Dimension, Hall explains that space carries many social and
[168.520 --> 170.200]  cultural meanings.
[170.200 --> 172.160]  It demonstrates closeness.
[172.160 --> 177.200]  It demonstrates trust and different levels of physical intimacy.
[177.200 --> 180.680]  Space even helps us organize our relationships.
[180.680 --> 185.080]  Depending on how close someone is standing, they fall into different categories.
[185.080 --> 188.600]  They might be a partner, a friend, or a complete stranger.
[188.600 --> 194.120]  Either way, those categories help you make sense of your relationships, set boundaries,
[194.120 --> 197.000]  and be vulnerable with the right people.
[197.000 --> 202.840]  That's why space or proximity, as Edward Hall calls it, is such a powerful form of body
[202.840 --> 203.960]  language.
[203.960 --> 209.080]  It gets left off most people's lists because there aren't any gestures or expressions
[209.080 --> 210.080]  involved.
[210.080 --> 215.600]  But if you think about it, proximity actually involves the entire body.
[215.600 --> 221.000]  You have to station yourself somewhere in space, so you drift toward areas of comfort
[221.000 --> 222.880]  like a familiar face.
[222.880 --> 228.200]  By paying attention to proximity, you can uncover all kinds of emotions without saying
[228.200 --> 229.720]  a word.
[229.720 --> 232.720]  So how does proximity actually work?
[232.720 --> 235.840]  Well Edward Hall breaks it down like this.
[235.840 --> 243.760]  He separates space into four zones, public space, social space, personal space, and intimate
[243.760 --> 245.440]  space.
[245.440 --> 250.400]  So let's imagine you're standing in a busy room, like in an airport or a department store.
[250.400 --> 255.200]  Now draw a circle around yourself, leaving you at the very center.
[255.200 --> 259.360]  For now, let's give that circle a 25-foot radius.
[259.360 --> 261.240]  That's a pretty big circle, right?
[261.240 --> 263.600]  Well this is your public zone.
[263.600 --> 268.960]  It's a free space where anyone can travel, without making you feel threatened or uncomfortable.
[268.960 --> 274.000]  In general, when you don't know someone, you keep around 12 to 25 feet of distance between
[274.000 --> 275.000]  you.
[275.000 --> 279.760]  Now below 12 feet is the social zone, a place for familiar faces.
[279.760 --> 283.840]  This is where you'll find acquaintances, classmates, and co-workers.
[283.840 --> 287.440]  People you know to some degree without being actual friends.
[287.440 --> 291.640]  The next step down at four feet is your personal space.
[291.640 --> 294.240]  This is where most people draw the line.
[294.240 --> 297.520]  Social and public spaces tend to get a bit mixed up.
[297.520 --> 302.960]  At the grocery store, for example, strangers will enter your social circle all the time,
[302.960 --> 305.120]  and there's nothing you can really do about it.
[305.120 --> 310.080]  And if they invade your personal space, things start to feel weird.
[310.080 --> 313.880]  Your personal space is reserved for your real friends.
[313.880 --> 316.000]  People you already know and trust.
[316.000 --> 319.560]  But there's still one more intimate space.
[319.560 --> 325.680]  The only people allowed in this one-foot circle are partners, family, and close friends.
[325.680 --> 330.000]  Because in a one-foot circle, you're usually making physical contact.
[330.000 --> 335.480]  You've closed the space completely, which carries a whole lot of subconscious weight.
[335.480 --> 340.120]  So if you want to read someone's body language, pay attention to the space they keep.
[340.120 --> 341.280]  Where do they stand?
[341.280 --> 343.200]  How do they introduce themselves?
[343.200 --> 345.720]  When you talk, do they keep their distance?
[345.720 --> 349.280]  Or do they get in close and make physical contact?
[349.280 --> 353.960]  All these signals tell you what someone is feeling, what kind of person they are, and
[353.960 --> 356.840]  what they think about you.
[356.840 --> 358.400]  Number 4.
[358.400 --> 360.160]  Gesture Clusters
[360.160 --> 364.160]  When reading body language, you might search for one signal at a time.
[364.160 --> 368.040]  You watch their feet, and then their mouth, and then their eyes.
[368.040 --> 371.600]  And most of the time, you really don't discover much.
[371.600 --> 375.000]  That's because body language comes in clusters.
[375.000 --> 380.840]  People send out rapid fire cues over a short period of time, and then they stop for a while.
[380.840 --> 381.840]  They'll get distant.
[381.840 --> 385.600]  They'll hold the same pose, or they'll keep their hands in their pockets.
[385.600 --> 389.840]  People suddenly, they're sending out another jam-packed cluster of cues.
[389.840 --> 394.960]  So if you want to get an accurate read on someone, then you need to look out for these clusters,
[394.960 --> 401.160]  because each one gives you an important window into their mood and their personality.
[401.160 --> 402.840]  Number 5.
[402.840 --> 404.960]  Open Palms
[404.960 --> 407.960]  Everyone knows how expressive your hands can be, right?
[407.960 --> 413.160]  When it comes to non-verbal cues, your hands are far and away the loudest part of your
[413.160 --> 414.160]  body.
[414.160 --> 420.000]  They can show any kind of emotion, positive or negative, exaggerated or subtle.
[420.000 --> 424.600]  You throw them in the air after a big win, or you wave them around when you're excited.
[424.600 --> 427.880]  But your palms have a special meaning.
[427.880 --> 434.080]  Humans and many other animals use this part of their hand as sign of non-threatening behavior.
[434.080 --> 439.360]  In other words, if someone wanted to fight, you might back up, open your arms, and show
[439.360 --> 441.000]  your palms.
[441.000 --> 445.640]  That kind of body language instantly tells the other person that you don't want to play
[445.640 --> 446.960]  ball.
[446.960 --> 452.040]  Since open palms display vulnerability, we use them to judge people's characters.
[452.040 --> 454.760]  Or find out whether someone is telling the truth.
[454.760 --> 459.400]  If someone widens their body and opens their hands, it shows you that they've got nothing
[459.400 --> 460.720]  to hide.
[460.720 --> 465.120]  Because they're willing to be open, you're much more likely to take their word.
[465.120 --> 469.360]  So if someone opens their palms while they're talking, that usually means they're being
[469.360 --> 473.600]  honest, or at least they want you to think they are.
[473.600 --> 474.720]  Number 6.
[474.720 --> 479.120]  The Closed Point Every parent has told their kids, it's not
[479.120 --> 482.920]  nice to point, but what's wrong with pointing?
[482.920 --> 488.400]  It's actually a primitive form of body language, and humans aren't the only ones who do it.
[488.400 --> 494.800]  If you go to the zoo, you'll see apes pointing at people, food, and other animals all the time.
[494.800 --> 497.600]  But what does pointing actually mean?
[497.600 --> 502.920]  By closing your fist and extending your index finger, you're establishing dominance, you're
[502.920 --> 504.880]  singling someone out.
[504.880 --> 509.800]  In social settings, that point removes them from the group, and it makes them feel left
[509.800 --> 510.800]  out.
[510.800 --> 513.840]  Your finger is commanding other people to look.
[513.840 --> 518.200]  It's throwing someone under the spotlight, whether they like it or not.
[518.200 --> 522.880]  So the next time you catch someone pointing, you'll know exactly what they're trying to
[522.880 --> 524.760]  do.
[524.760 --> 526.480]  Number 7.
[526.480 --> 530.760]  Extended Eye Contact Eye contact is one of the first cues
[530.760 --> 532.600]  we look for in a person.
[532.600 --> 536.800]  If someone doesn't meet your eyes, well there's a good chance something's wrong.
[536.800 --> 540.320]  They might be feeling embarrassed, anxious, or insecure.
[540.320 --> 545.400]  They might feel intimidated by you, so they're having trouble making eye contact.
[545.400 --> 550.800]  But not all eye contact is good, especially when it goes on for too long.
[550.800 --> 555.680]  When you first meet someone, you want to make about 5 seconds of eye contact.
[555.680 --> 557.000]  You get a good look at them.
[557.000 --> 561.360]  You smile, you introduce yourself, and then you glance at something else.
[561.360 --> 566.600]  You should keep this process going throughout the conversation, because too much eye contact
[566.600 --> 569.800]  is going to make people uncomfortable.
[569.800 --> 575.880]  That's because extended eye contact usually means someone is lying, or trying to get inside
[575.880 --> 577.120]  your head.
[577.120 --> 579.840]  So don't let that physical connection fool you.
[579.840 --> 584.480]  The right amount of eye contact is the sign of trust and confidence.
[584.480 --> 589.600]  But too much means that person may have a hidden agenda.
[589.600 --> 590.840]  Number 8.
[590.840 --> 592.600]  Touching Their Face
[592.600 --> 596.800]  When you're feeling stressed or anxious, your face is a dead giveaway.
[596.800 --> 598.320]  It turns red.
[598.320 --> 602.200]  It gets itchy, and sometimes it even starts to hurt.
[602.200 --> 606.960]  Obviously that's not something you want, so you try to make the pain go away by
[606.960 --> 608.840]  soothing your nerves.
[608.840 --> 611.760]  Now for most people, that means touching their face.
[611.760 --> 612.760]  A lot.
[612.760 --> 618.480]  They'll reach up to scratch their nose, brush their forehead, or just rub their cheek.
[618.480 --> 621.400]  Every one of these gestures means one thing.
[621.400 --> 625.480]  They're feeling nervous, and they definitely don't want you to know.
[625.480 --> 630.520]  If you spot these body language cues, the best thing you can do is to pretend not to
[630.520 --> 631.520]  notice.
[631.520 --> 636.040]  Chances are, that person is already feeling embarrassed or self-conscious.
[636.040 --> 639.680]  So try to lighten the mood, make them feel more comfortable.
[639.680 --> 644.000]  If they suddenly stop touching their face, well, it means you did your job.
[644.000 --> 648.400]  Hey, thank you for watching TopThink, and be sure to subscribe because more incredible
[648.400 --> 650.160]  content is on the way.