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+{"DAE hate themselves for being too emotional, reassurance seeking or acting like a victim? Hello everyone. I'm F and for the longest time ever I have been reassurance seeking and relied very heavily on others to help me deal with my emotions because I grew up with abusive parents who would just tell you to \"learn to deal with your anxietydepression\" or just throw you into the bathroom for a timeout if you had a tantrum. Sometimes, they even made it about themselves or said \"Man you have so many problems.\" Anyway, unfortunately, my emotionality and reassurance seeking has also given me a great dose of a victim mindset and since I'm , people get pissed off and tell me to go do something about my situation instead of venting about it over and over. Some understand I have trauma but in reality no one cares if you're an adult who has trauma. You have to get up and do it anyway. I just don't get how others have that reflex of \"I'm empowered to change my situation\" instead of me, who feels like a helpless baby every time shit happens. So yeah, DAE hate themselves for those qualities?":{"0":"F Scared of having lupus, awaiting CBC and urine test results Hello, I'm reposting because I've gotten no responses. Age Sex Female Height ' Weight Race ChineseAmerican Duration of complaint less than a week Location Geographic and on body all over soreness Current medications if any Vitamin D OTC gummy supplements and was prescribed IU D supplements that I never took ' Any existing relevant medical issues if any Seborrheic dermatitis, patellofemeral pain syndrome in right knee went away in Nov and never came back, acne, depression, anxiety, also low Vitamin D in June , in November , when normal is . Complaint So I am really worried about possibly having lupus. I worked as a product manager and marketing person for a startup in the autoimmune and chronic disease space and part of that was seeing a lot of social media posts from chronic disease influencers and even talking to people who had lupus and other conditions. Reasoning Why I Might Have It On Wikipedia, it says a \"differential diagnosis\" of seborrheic dermatitis is SLE and I was diagnosed with SD on this subreddit too, so didn't see a derm in person. I cannot tell if I have the butterfly rash or not as that area has always been discolored and faintly red for me at least since I was and started getting acne. I've taken several photos throughout the week and don't really see a progression in redness. HOWEVER, I looked some photos up on Google and I see that it can look faintly red for other people. I've had intermittent bone and muscle pain. It sometimes happens in the joints but not really and it's not awful awful, and lupus patients often have less pain than RA patients, I've read. No swelling though confirmed by doctor today. I don't know if it's because I've been sedentary since the lockdown normally walk a ton as a college student or if it's because of my low D. I had shortness of breath for a while on Wednesday, like minutes to an hour. I had to change bras. And there was a stabbing pain in my boobs when I tried to breathe more deeply. It's gone now but it definitely happened and chest pain is a symptom. I had a headache on Wednesday. I had this happen back in early June too so it could be a flare. Being a female and a POC puts me at risk. Other Shit No sunburns after going out on sunny days but I was wearing a mask that covered most of my face minus my forehead. I have periods of fatigue throughout the day but they go away with coffee and just getting the day started. No blood in urine but my stomach muscles hurt sometimes and I can't tell if that's a sign of kidney damage or not. On one day I peed a lot and I did not drink a lot of water. I'm sure I read somewhere that peeing a lot if a sign of renal failure. No noticeable swelling. HOWEVER, my stomach muscles and lower back have been sore, so.... No other family members late grandparents, parents, auntsuncles, cousins, siblings, etc. have had any AI disease that I am aware of BUT someone is always in the first to family to get it for \"family history\" to be an issue. My mom has low WBC though. My dad has gout attacks 3x in his life and that's a kind of arthritis but IDK if that counts because it's caused by uric acid and not an immune system attack. Seeking Treatment Saw a doctor today who was like \"body and muscle aches aren't enough to diagnose for lupus, we'd need more, let's see how your blood and urine tests go.\" I did a CBC and urine test today but I'm really scared for the results. I don't think he asked for an ANA though. My pee looked dark yellow...is that tea colored? Also many doctors dismiss shit and say it's minor and then BAM it's serious especially with autoimmune disease according to the user experience interviews I had. Also, he was like \"we need to fix your Vitamin D first and then if you get to and it's still painful, we'll look for something else\" instead of testing immediately for lupus, so...like... As an example of the above, I talked to a lady who said her doctors just said it was low D, anemia, or depression and she had to keep advocating for herself and had to google lupus symptoms to diagnose herself. And they eventually found lupus biomarkers in her blood, so like, yeah... My blood pressure and physical exam was normal. But he did note my pulse was fast bpm and asked if I was nervous. I definitely was scared.","1":"F Scared AF of lupus \\ Age \\ Sex Female \\ Height ' \\ Weight \\ Race ChineseAmerican \\ Duration of complaint less than a week \\ Location Geographic and on body all over soreness \\ Current medications if any Vitamin D OTC gummy supplements and was prescribed IU D supplements that I never took ' Any existing relevant medical issues if any \\ Seborrheic dermatitis, patellofemeral pain syndrome in right knee went away in Nov and never came back, acne, depression, anxiety, also low Vitamin D in June , in November , when normal is . \\ Complaint So I am really worried about possibly having lupus. I worked as a product manager and marketing person for a startup in the autoimmune and chronic disease space and part of that was seeing a lot of social media posts from chronic disease influencers and even talking to people who had lupus and other conditions. Reasoning Why I Might Have It \\ On Wikipedia, it says a \"differential diagnosis\" of seborrheic dermatitis is SLE and I was diagnosed with SD on this subreddit too, so didn't see a derm in person. \\ I cannot tell if I have the butterfly rash or not as that area has always been discolored and faintly red for me at least since I was and started getting acne. I've taken several photos throughout the week and don't really see a progression in redness. HOWEVER, I looked some photos up on Google and I see that it can look faintly red for other people. \\ I've had intermittent bone and muscle pain. It sometimes happens in the joints but not really and it's not awful awful, and lupus patients often have less pain than RA patients, I've read. No swelling though confirmed by doctor today. \\ I don't know if it's because I've been sedentary since the lockdown normally walk a ton as a college student or if it's because of my low D. \\ I had shortness of breath for a while on Wednesday, like minutes to an hour. I had to change bras. And there was a stabbing pain in my boobs when I tried to breathe more deeply. It's gone now but it definitely happened and chest pain is a symptom. \\ I had a headache on Wednesday. \\ I had this happen back in early June too so it could be a flare. \\ Being a female and a POC puts me at risk. Other Shit \\ No sunburns after going out on sunny days but I was wearing a mask that covered most of my face minus my forehead. \\ I have periods of fatigue throughout the day but they go away with coffee and just getting the day started. \\ No blood in urine but my stomach muscles hurt sometimes and I can't tell if that's a sign of kidney damage or not. \\ On one day I peed a lot and I did not drink a lot of water. I'm sure I read somewhere that peeing a lot if a sign of renal failure. No noticeable swelling. HOWEVER, my stomach muscles and lower back have been sore, so.... \\ No other family members late grandparents, parents, auntsuncles, cousins, siblings, etc. have had any AI disease that I am aware of BUT someone is always in the first to family to get it for \"family history\" to be an issue. My mom has low WBC though. \\ My dad has gout attacks 3x in his life and that's a kind of arthritis but IDK if that counts because it's caused by uric acid and not an immune system attack. Seeking Treatment \\ Saw a doctor today who was like \"body and muscle aches aren't enough to diagnose for lupus, we'd need more, let's see how your blood and urine tests go.\" \\ I did a CBC and urine test today but I'm really scared for the results. I don't think he asked for an ANA though. \\ My pee looked dark yellow...is that tea colored? \\ Also many doctors dismiss shit and say it's minor and then BAM it's serious especially with autoimmune disease according to the user experience interviews I had. Also, he was like \"we need to fix your Vitamin D first and then if you get to and it's still painful, we'll look for something else\" instead of testing immediately for lupus, so...like... \\ As an example of the above, I talked to a lady who said her doctors just said it was low D, anemia, or depression and she had to keep advocating for herself and had to google lupus symptoms to diagnose herself. And they eventually found lupus biomarkers in her blood, so like, yeah... \\ My blood pressure and physical exam was normal. But he did note my pulse was fast bpm and asked if I was nervous. I definitely was scared.","2":"F Scared of having lupus, waiting on test results Hello, I'm reposting because I've gotten no responses. Age Sex Female Height ' Weight Race ChineseAmerican Duration of complaint less than a week Location Geographic and on body all over soreness Current medications if any Vitamin D OTC gummy supplements Any existing relevant medical issues if any Seborrheic dermatitis, acne, depression, anxiety, also low Vitamin D in June , in November , when normal is . I was supposed to take IU supplements but never did because I HATE pills! Complaint So I am really worried about possibly having lupus. I worked as a product manager and marketing person for a startup in the autoimmune and chronic disease space and part of that was seeing a lot of social media posts from chronic disease influencers and even talking to people who had lupus and other conditions. Reasoning Why I Might Have It On Wikipedia, it says a \"differential diagnosis\" of seborrheic dermatitis is SLE and I was diagnosed with SD on this subreddit too, so didn't see a derm in person. I cannot tell if I have the butterfly rash or not as that area has always been discolored and faintly red for me at least since I was and started getting acne. I've taken several photos throughout the week and don't really see a progression in redness. HOWEVER, I looked some photos up on Google and I see that it can look faintly red for other people. I've had intermittent bone and muscle pain. It sometimes happens in the joints but not really and it's not awful awful, and lupus patients often have less pain than RA patients, I've read. I don't see any swelling though. I don't know if it's because I've been sedentary since the lockdown normally walk a ton as a college student or if it's because of my low D. I had shortness of breath for a while on Wednesday, like minutes to an hour. I had to change bras. And there was a stabbing pain in my boobs when I tried to breathe more deeply. It's gone now but it definitely happened. I had a headache on Wednesday. I had this happen back in early June too so it could be a flare. Being a female and a POC puts me at risk. Other Shit No sunburns after going out on sunny days but I was wearing a mask that covered most of my face minus my forehead. I have periods of fatigue throughout the day but they go away with coffee and just getting the day started. No blood in urine but my stomach muscles hurt sometimes and I can't tell if that's a sign of kidney damage or not. On one day I peed a lot and I did not drink a lot of water. I'm sure I read somewhere that peeing a lot if a sign of renal failure. No noticeable swelling. HOWEVER, my stomach muscles and lower back have been sore, so.... No other family members late grandparents, parents, auntsuncles, cousins, siblings, etc. have had any AI disease that I am aware of BUT someone is always in the first to family to get it for \"family history\" to be an issue. My mom has low WBC though. My dad has gout attacks 3x in his life and that's a kind of arthritis but IDK if that counts because it's caused by uric acid and not an immune system attack. Seeking Treatment Saw a doctor today who was like \"body and muscle aches aren't enough to diagnose for lupus, we'd need more\" I did a CBC and urine test today but I'm really scared for the results. Also many doctors dismiss shit and say it's minor and then BAM it's serious especially with autoimmune disease according to the user experience interviews I had. My blood pressure and physical exam was normal.","3":"F Scared AF of having lupus and seeing the doctor, what's a girl to do? Age Sex Female Height ' Weight Race ChineseAmerican Duration of complaint less than a week Location Geographic and on body all over soreness Current medications if any Vitamin D OTC gummy supplements Any existing relevant medical issues if any Seborrheic dermatitis, acne, depression, anxiety, also low Vitamin D when normal is , diagnosed June , that level was from November . I was supposed to take IU supplements but never did because I HATE pills! Complaint So I am really worried about possibly having lupus. I worked as a product manager and marketing person for a startup in the autoimmune and chronic disease space and part of that was seeing a lot of social media posts from chronic disease influencers and even talking to people who had lupus and other conditions. Reasoning Why I Might Have It On Wikipedia, it says a \"differential diagnosis\" of seborrheic dermatitis is SLE and I was diagnosed with SD on this subreddit too, so didn't see a derm in person. I cannot tell if I have the butterfly rash or not as that area has always been discolored and faintly red for me at least since I was and started getting acne. I've taken several photos throughout the week and don't really see a progression in redness. HOWEVER, I looked some photos up on Google and I see that it can look faintly red for other people. I've had intermittent bone and muscle pain. It sometimes happens in the joints but not really and it's not awful awful, and lupus patients often have less pain than RA patients, I've read. I don't see any swelling though. I don't know if it's because I've been sedentary since the lockdown normally walk a ton as a college student or if it's because of my low D. I had shortness of breath for a while yesterday, like minutes to an hour. I had to change bras. And there was a stabbing pain in my boobs when I tried to breathe more deeply. It's gone now but it definitely happened. I had a headache on Wednesday. I had this happen back in early June too so it could be a flare. Being a female and a POC puts me at risk. Other Shit No sunburn after going out an degree sunny day but that was just once and I was wearing a mask. I have periods of fatigue throughout the day but they go away with coffee and just getting the day started. No blood in urine but my stomach muscles hurt sometimes and I can't tell if that's a sign of kidney damage or not. On one day I peed a lot and I did not drink a lot of water. I'm sure I read somewhere that peeing a lot if a sign of renal failure. No noticeable swelling. HOWEVER, my stomach muscles and lower back have been sore, so.... No other family members late grandparents, parents, auntsuncles, cousins, siblings, etc. have had any AI disease that I am aware of BUT someone is always in the first to family to get it for \"family history\" to be an issue. My dad has gout attacks 3x in his life and that's a kind of arthritis but IDK if that counts because it's caused by uric acid and not an immune system attack. Seeking Treatment I have a yearly checkup on Saturday but the doctor is sorta really efficient and just moves through shit really fast. Moreover, he went to med school in Taiwan and IDK if he even knows what lupus is though he's been working in America for years. Moreover I'm really scared that my blood test they do a CBC I think is gonna come back weird and that my urine is gonna have a ton of protein. Also many doctors dismiss shit and say it's minor and then BAM it's serious especially with autoimmune disease according to the user experience interviews I had.","4":"F Scared AF of having lupus and of seeing the doctor, what's a girl to do? Age Sex Female Height ' Weight Race ChineseAmerican Duration of complaint less than a week Location Geographic and on body all over Any existing relevant medical issues if any Seborrheic dermatitis, acne, depression, anxiety, also low Vitamin D when normal is , diagnosed June , that level was from November Current medications if any Vitamin D OTC gummy supplements Include a photo if relevant skin condition for example Complaint So I am really worried about possibly having lupus. I worked as a product manager and marketing person for a startup in the autoimmune and chronic disease space and part of that was seeing a lot of social media posts from chronic disease influencers and even talking to people who had lupus and other conditions. Reasoning Why I Might Have It On Wikipedia, it says a \"differential diagnosis\" of seborrheic dermatitis is SLE and I was diagnosed with SD on this subreddit too, so didn't see a derm in person. I cannot tell if I have the butterfly rash or not as that area has always been discolored and faintly red for me at least since I was and started getting acne. I've taken several photos throughout the week and don't really see a progression in redness. HOWEVER, I looked some photos up on Google and I see that it can look faintly red for other people. I've had intermittent bone and muscle pain. It sometimes happens in the joints but not really and it's not awful awful, and lupus patients often have less pain than RA patients, I've read. I don't see any swelling though. I don't know if it's because I've been sedentary since the lockdown normally walk a ton as a college student or if it's because of my low D. I had shortness of breath for a while yesterday, like minutes to an hour. I had to change bras. And there was a stabbing pain in my boobs when I tried to breathe more deeply. It's gone now but it definitely happened. I had a headache on Wednesday. I had this happen back in early June too so it could be a flare. Other Shit No sunburn after going out an degree sunny day but that was just once and I was wearing a mask. I have periods of fatigue throughout the day but they go away with coffee and just getting the day started. No blood in urine but my stomach muscles hurt sometimes and I can't tell if that's a sign of kidney damage or not. On one day I peed a lot and I did not drink a lot of water. No noticeable swelling. Seeking Treatment I have a yearly checkup on Saturday but the doctor is sorta really efficient and just moves through shit really fast. Moreover, he went to med school in Taiwan and IDK if he even knows what lupus is though he's been working in America for years. Moreover I'm really scared that my blood test they do a CBC I think is gonna come back weird and that my urine is gonna have a ton of protein.","5":"fully disagree.","6":"I already know life isn't about grades as someone who's recruited for jobs in business. And I explained in my post that I studied for days for a Python and stats class to get a with NO PRIOR PROGRAMMING EXPERIENCE whereas I'd study for bio quizzes and tank some of them. I know you do not have to get straight A's to be a doctor but if you're getting more B's than A's it's not worth it in my opinion. A B is the 50th percentile and it is actually very hard to fail a college class. You'd have to be at the absolute bottom. Also, I do have passions but I was raised to be a practical person and not a risktaker immigrant abusive parents. I was also never gifted. I only graduated from an average American public high school that isn't even in the top for California and had friends who cruised through with straight A's in AP classes.","7":"Ok but my standards matter more","8":"well of course I need to judge according to my standards...I'm the one that needs to get through it.","9":"whatever, there are people with 's and 's that will get their pick of the top american med schools and I would be scrambling for bottom of the patch forprofit DO schools in the middle of nowhere.","10":"I had a THREE POINT SIX in science. Read my post.","11":"I never even applied to med school so there was no way I did or didn't get in.","12":"I'm and I need to get a job, not entertain silly fantasies about being a doctor.","13":"the average accepted medical school applicant has a sGPA and a cGPA and they get to pick from the middle of the batch, forget Harvard Med School or whatever. and with all due respect it's easier to get a PhD in chem than get into an MD school.","14":"I mean, there's a reason doctors get all the clout and money. They just are better than nurses.","15":"I was not taking out my failures on her and there is no point in pursuing a dream that was nothing but a silly fantasy. And I'm sorry, but doctors nurses.","16":"because I need to get a job when I graduate and not waste time on dreams that were just silly fantasies.","17":"I hate the hard sciences lol","18":"It's not a smart idea to throw away time and money if you suck at science.","19":"I never said I expected her to shoulder my sadness. I just wish she had said I wasn't smart enough to make it and left it at that.","20":"I wasn't being rude, lol. there was no need to sugarcoat. I clearly was not smart enough to make it and I wish she had agreed with me.","21":"that's actually incorrect...I did check in with a professor heavily about OChem and attended tons of office hours. I PNPed OChem but would have only gotten a B had I taken it graded. I don't care if OChem is hard, tons of people get A's in it anyway.","22":"No. I just said that being unable to prove my mom wrong made me even more upset about all of this.","23":"Because it's too late to go back and because I was a lot better at data science than biology. Those are not good grades they are average and I sucked ass at all the science classes I took.","24":"fixed.","25":"what bloodwork did he do and what symptoms did you have","26":"He examined my skin and found mottling, rashes, vasculitis, swollen ankles, and Raynaud's phenomenon. was this at a normal checkup? or did you see a rheumyspecialist?","27":"what physical exam did your doctor do?","28":"............................................................lol this comment was so not helpful"}}