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science trophies, plaques, merit badges...


That's my bathing suit from high school.


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. . .was like a wake-up call that Monica


. . .instead of checking the box "Miss,"


. . .and us not living together anymore.


something that didn't have chicks on it.


. . . "Take good care of your mama, son,"


I'll be in charge of looking at how cute

they are when they put their hands. . . .


. . . "Iied about your sexual preference


I'm not gay, and there is no problem. . .


I put little X's where you need to sign.


I guess I'm not gonna miss the fact. . .


. . .she looks like Kermit the Frog. . .


you thought your legs would fall off. . .


That's what I was afraid of. Okay. . . .


. . .and they'll be drinking and dancing


. . .then a little bit more custard. . .


. . .and you'd be living with my sister?


. . .who'd bring palm branches into huts


I thought you meant how much was it. . .


. . .when you know she's trying to quit.


. . .tried too much too fast, don't you?


. . .so he can have a nice, pleasant. . .


I did karate to release the tension. . .


. . .I never truly meant them until now.


-I love what you've done with the space.


. . .tonight was supposed to be a big deal.


you're a very attractive man, but. . . .


. . .and I'm not technically a "doctor. "


The only problem is Carl's acting. . . .


hottie of the Paleontology Department. "


Look, Rach, my parents bought this fridge


Now, I have never had a problem with it.


only lets you take out $300 at a time, so...


...l'll take a check for the other $100.


Of course I'm joking. I don't take checks.


But the thing is, I need to find a date.


-Didn't mean to run into you like that, sir.


So, why's she leaving? ls it a school night


In fact, I like her so much that you tell her


Ross, seriously, how's it going with her?


She's 20, so she's not looking for anything


too serious, which is perfect for me now.


That's good. I guess she'll have a choice


All right, your guy may have a great body,


No, for my new fridge. For our new fridge.


and a lot of people are going on trips--


So, I will take one box of the Thin Mints.


about to ask me to go on a trip with her.


-Then you distract her with a Barbie doll.


-You wanted to see me, Professor Geller?


And I just don't want us to move too fast


I'm going to Florida for a couple weeks.


she's going to Florida for spring vacation.


A spring vacation, you're doing nice things


I think Elizabeth is a little more serious


All right? Come on, she's taking my class.


you come in here with a guy of your own.


Phoebe deemed was unsuitable for herself.


guys doing shots off of girls' bodies...


Supportive of you and this whole trip...


We're so glad you decided to meet our guy.


A little blind-sided, but, you know, good.


Oh, my God, you're right, I am too late.


They're sitting on the couch and talking.


This is the guy I was telling you about.


Believe me, this suit does not do justice


Rachel, you haven't touched Eldad's hair.


I'll tell you who should be embarrassed.


Don't worry, I have plenty of sun block.


Well, if what's in the bottle is actually 30.


they raised a lot of money and awareness.


I just got this weird message from Ross.


-No, I mean, I was really acting my ass off.


...electronically enhanced, secret enforcer.


So while you're thinkin' of it, you take


this big pause where you look all intense.


This is a real movie and AI Pacino's in it,


All right, I'm out of here. Wish me luck.


The callback isn't 'til tomorrow at 5:00.


Don't worry, okay? You're gonna be fine.


Yes, I know what time it is, but I'm looking


-Boy Scouts could've camped under there.


If I don't get this part, I'm never gonna eat


No, I didn't say that. That doesn't count.


And we would have you over all the time...

...if it weren't for Monica's allergies.


Yeah, okay. So the audition's been moved


You've made some errors in judgment, too.


-Isn't that how a tailor measures pants?


-I can't believe I did this. What an idiot!


I tell ya, it's hot with all this stuff on.


I will give Joey the message. Thank you.


Look! I wrote it! I wrote it on the board!


I saw the board, I went to the audition,


-At times that fake-out thing is just mean.


"Well, then I'll just have to carry you! "


In fact, for a minute there, I was like,


a special someone will give you a gift."


The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad


I'm going to start writing another book.


Because the last one was such a big seller?


those parent-teacher conferences can be.


Let's get you to wardrobe for a fitting.


I spent two years developing this machine.


I prefer that Liz's boyfriends address me


I have never done anything like this before.


Your roommate in college died, didn't he?


Honey, you got the kind with the little girl.


Why would the little girl creep you out?


you tell them as long as it's a compliment.


It would save me the trouble of killing him.


Yeah, it usually takes two people to....


My wife died shortly after Lizzie was born.


What's the big deal? So I kissed the guy?

He's my girlfriend's father. It's weird!


Plus the guy is a very successful lawyer!


Thanks. But I have a problem to deal with.


If I have to turn on the charm tomorrow,


all these rumors that I might get fired.


I definitely did not see that one backfiring.


the wonderful things Lizzie has told me...


I'm sorry. You were talking about Emily.


"My boyfriend is such a wiseass. 7:00! "


I told you I should not wear this color.


"Monica, Marsha and Chester are planning


"Marsha and Chester are mad at Phyllis."

I can't believe I'm gonna lose this job.


Yeah? I don't want to talk to you, Wayne.


Listen, I guarantee you keep your job...


He was married to me a hell of a lot longer


So Ross, did you kill any of these wives?


I care a great deal about your daughter.


...it doesn't matter to me. Still not yelling.


It turns out you were right, C.H.E.E.S.E.


a massage client gave me three tickets...


No, it's just that he gave me three tickets


Rachel's gonna need to yell sweet nothings


All right, look. I realize it upsets you.


...so I don't think there's really anything


of your relationship, and have you fired.


This is so exciting. You get your picture


It was so cool when it was up there before.


...they could put you next to Matt Lauer.


Just ones that haven't been cleaned yet?


I didn't know you could get married here.


Then you've gotta wait another two years?


He's gonna find somebody else, you know?


Yeah. It can't hurt to put your name down.


I mean, in two years, if you're not engaged,


-Yes. It was very offensive to my people.


-I'll just run to the store and get some.


the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility...


that were leading up to the closed garage.


Joey Tribbiani dropped off these clothes.


Well, maybe you and I go out for drinks.


So, are you planning on staying the night?


Good. Not that we don't want you to stay.


...if you get me something from the car.


...and that we could move up our wedding.


-I'm never listening to you again, for sure.


Joey, why did you sign it, "son of a bitch"?

-I didn't do that. Who would've done that?


from my daughter or I'll have you fired.

What you heard was: "Take my daughter...


-Okay. Please, Paul. Just let me explain.


...that you and I are not all that different.


-Let me show you where the guest room is.


Please don't take this to mean anything,


Yes. If it really doesn't mean anything,


I'm gonna go tell Joey that you're back.


Did I forget to tell you that? I'm sorry.


-That's cool. I was gonna fire you anyway.


. . .for in the dew of little things. . .


being the dumbest a person can look. . .


Ian doesn't play anymore, and Derek. . . .


I mean, you don't need to have this. . .


Like a small place outside the city. . .


You got three years painting houses. . .


next to a guy who's going like this. . . .


. . .he should call me his "work-wife. "


"I can't wait to read your book, Ross. "


The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs


- No, but I've always wanted to do that.


- I just thought you were doing so well.


No, it'll be okay because Mrs. Braverman


...but, you know, at certain angles... .


- Your parents and friends are in there.


Your little old "Harmomica" is hammered.


- Were you the ones who called the cops?


that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.


- That's a lie! We also kissed in Barbados.


- Oh, we feel so terrible about this, Ross.


I'm not saying I wasn't a little surprised


There's so many ways to go, and this is,

like, the biggest decision of our lives.


But if it was up to me, this is not what


You can't separate them, that's terrible!


adjusting to the thought of Joey and me.


...about Rachel and I. Listen, you don't


the triplets that you gave birth to them?


She's this girl who lived in the building


If you didn't wanna get me on my mobile,


- No! I barely got to "three Mississippi"!


You threw me off with all your slapping.


- Yeah, his name is Chandler and he's...


I can't believe you tried to cut me out.


It felt like, "I can't believe we haven't


No. I just had to get a picture of this.


- There's this thing I really want us to do.


How can we have her first birthday party


this Maxim thing because of this party...


- I brought the camera for Emma's video.


...and we'll give it to her when she's 18.


...that hasn't even been invented yet...


And they'll be living in a floating city


Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it,


Vermont, and this isn't a big deal to you.


People are getting a little antsy waiting


- Phoebe has prepared something as well.


- After all, my parents died very young.


...in all different shapes. And if you give


so that I could have the perfect cake...


if we cut the baby's face off the penis...


Yes, I still want my daughter's picture,


together, and things kind of unraveled...


You guys, just, please, a little bit longer.


- lf you're leaving, I'm definitely going.


Well, that's it. He's the last one to go.


The rules clearly stated that the last one


This is her first birthday, she's awake,


I just felt so bad missing this. So I just


slipped him a little something, you know.


I don't care that you left. I'm just glad


Well, your first birthday is over, and...


- I can't believe it's been a whole year.


- This has been the best year of my life!


Please tell me we're getting rid of her?


No, it's just... Look, when I first moved


I do not want her babysitting our child.


- For one thing, she keeps calling her Ella.


to figure out what to do with your life.


- Why do you keep looking at the screen?


...and I just wanna tell you I love you,


There's no one else in the world I would


and, like, the most romantic thing ever.


Then I'll tell you. My agency was bidding


But I don't think you're right for this.


- Are you talking about the Dewer Grant?


clearing out stuff so Mike could move in.


Oh, wait. I just realized, if I do that,


- I told you, you're not right for the part.


one of the reasons I got into the field.


proposal while I go to the ladies' room.


- Kind of inappropriate, don't you think?


- Is he gonna let you keep the painting?


- You know, I would give her up for you.


answers you give to the questions I ask.


right there, okay? First, you lied. Right?


- I haven't really settled on a spot yet.


with me, about the crazy questions you...


us off every adoption list in the state.


- I'm glad we did this. It feels so good.


other beautiful paleontologists out there.


- Those things go, like, 40 miles an hour.


I actually won't be wearing a dress at all.


- But you gave all the money to charity.


Because one of us has to start flirting.


We've really been spoiling the children,

what with all the food and warm clothing.


in this building. It didn't end very well.


one of those things for her entire life.


And you should get over your silly fears.


Oh, it's just like I said, that crazy...


- Any room that isn't behind this couch.


- I don't even feel him in here anymore.


- I want to enter her in a baby pageant.


I mean, we could be getting a baby soon.


Just not the turkey. Nothing high-profile.


Okay, let's see. Oh, the cranberry sauce.


- Three tickets to today's Rangers game!


- Dinner's at 4. We'll never make it back.


Plus, Joey could get lost and they could


Rachel, the hottest babies in the tri-state


- I can't believe Chandler's missing this.


if you didn't keep batting my hand away.


When I was here for "Holidays on Ice"...


But it's a tie game. So we're a little late.


Don't point that thing at me, Tribbiani.


- Nobody's here? Monica's gonna kill us.


And it looks like she put makeup on her.


I can't believe this. She's our daughter.


I can't believe this. They're an hour late,


and they're just standing there talking.


We'll just say that she said it was 5:00.


I'm not going in first. I bet that vein on

Monica's forehead is popping like crazy.


Why don't we play rock, paper, scissors,


All right, come on. All right, you guys,


- How are we gonna decide who gets this?


The vein is bigger than I've ever seen it!


He's doing that weird eye-contact thing.


Hey, I'm getting a little tired of this.


I just want to say that I'm sorry I referred


- We're gonna have to unscrew the chain.


I talk and talk and no one hears a word.


...sleep with her, then forget she exists.


Name one friend of yours I did that with.


- Hey, guys, I need some fashion advice.


for president or who that NATO guy is...


It's like, "Hi, I'm Chandler. May I have


I mean, it's enough that you're a doctor.


- Yeah, so you gonna call this one back?


- Thank God you're here. Listen to this.


Well, I still think that is a stupid reason


get an extra plate of fries for the table.


pick out some really good stuff for you.


Why do men keep talking to me like this?


the serial number and they contacted us?


Yeah. Yeah, Rachel picked it out for me.


Somebody's afraid of a little competition


I think we've been given an opportunity.


But this woman is giving away her child.


And I'm so glad we're finally doing this.


Look, you have every reason to be upset.


My wife's a chef, and I'm in advertising.


It kills me that I can't give her a baby.


you thought Ross was trying to kill you.


that anyone would tell a story that dull...


Okay. Well, talk to you later, okay? Bye.


And Nancy said it's really underpriced...


This is bringing out a lovely color in you.


we didn't want to raise a kid in the city.


Shouldn't we all vote on stuff like this?


I think if you saw it, you'd understand.


out there today, all I kept thinking was:


...and you guys are just having dinner...


...and maybe close your blinds at night.


It's Nancy. They responded to our offer.


Yeah, I'm sorry too. I'm even more sorry


If you're not sleeping with her, should I?


- I didn't wanna tell you in front of them.


Oh, my God, look. There's Jeffrey Klarik.


it used to be going up to girls in college?


regular people to be around celebrities...


with a girl right in the middle of the...?


- Yeah, but they're not looking for that.


...and, you know, pee-pees flying about.


a little too mature for stuff like that.


This is my big sendoff into married life?


I mean, let me just go talk to Monica...


...Henrietta, you're going to the Winner's


...that neither of us could ask you out.


- We'd go to the science lab after-hours.


...and got the first name we could find.


Look, I don't need this. I'm out of here.


...so that means, Gene, you are going to


the Winner's Circle to try for $ 10,000.


I believe the foundation of our friendship


wants to kiss me, I am so gonna let him.


that night, I wanted to get back at you.


of beers as you and don't feel anything.


next year and we could totally hang out.


...I think it's kind of really important


Or you could... You could teach stripping.


- But it was, like, a million years ago.


- Because the night you kissed Rachel...


- Wait, what bed did you say she was on?


exercise yard couldn't wait till Monday.


I don't want you to see your father cry.


How hard is it to make an ice sculpture?


I told you, I just want a simple wedding.


- Nor does Marjorie's overwhelming scent.


I'm glad we're having a rehearsal dinner.


I rarely practice my meals before I eat.


Pheebs, you got to keep the line moving.


I'm just trying to be nice for the kids.


his brother and his friends from school.


- I know. I hate being left out of things.


We're sitting here, alone, doing nothing.


- Yeah. Yeah. Hey, thanks for doing that.


I guess I have to find a new bridesmaid.


And thank you all for being here tonight.


- Chandler said it's important to him too.


...he's gonna be whispering stupid jokes


...I tried to welcome you into my family.


- Let's talk about this groomsman thing.


...even behind that fat exchange student


All right, so I'll see everybody tonight.


I guess it got sent to the billing address


that the chef is at the Hamilton Club...


- Why don't you just do it on the street?


Well, look, it's hardly snowing anymore.


I think I wanna get married to you today.


No, it's lovely. The lights and the snow.


I crushed a pill and put it in her drink.


We have a situation. The minister called.


Ministers don't ride the subway for free.


I had to read the Bible pretty carefully,


...or a regular family like everybody else.


moonlight walks on the beach, so romantic!


he didn't poop the whole time we were there.


Well, I have an audition for this play and

for some of them would have to speak French,


which according to my resume, I'm fluent in.


BTW, how was that year-long dig in Cairo?


Seriously, stop or I'm gonna jump on you.


"So no one told you life was gonna be this way"

"Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA."


"It's like you're always stuck in second gear"

"When it hasn't been your day, your week,


Oh, btw, we have to leave for the airport soon.


Oh hey, when she gets here, is it ok if I introduce you two as my wife and the woman who's carrying my child?


No, we haven't seen her since this morning.


Unbelievable! She was supposed to meet me


Well, is she gonna eat all those cookies?

I want the baby to come out all cute and fat.


Because we want to get to know her better and...


she's never been to NY, so she wants to see all the tourist spots, you know, Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building...

Oh, those places. There's always so many people there


and, you know, there's always some idiot who goes "Moo".


Well, if it annoys you so much, then why do you do it?

Oh hi, thanks for showing up 30 minutes late!


- No no, I'm sure you have a great excuse.


A mani-pedi or is there a sale at Barney's?


My father had a heart attack... while I was at Barney's.


Ok, I'm gonna come out to Long Island with you,


Really? It sounds exactly the same to me.


I want you to meet someone really special.


Phoebe, this is Erica, and this is the baby.


Well, welcome to NYC, or should I say ...


Time Square, Coney Island, Rockefeller Center...

Oh, you know what you should do, you should walk


all the way to the top of Statue of Liberty.


Hi, excuse me. I'm here to see my father.


Rach, I think I'm gonna wait out here because...


Ross, please, don't be so scared of him.

I am not scared of him, I'm really sick.


He's still under sedation, so he's pretty much out.


Oh, wow, that ear and nose hair trimmer I got him


Miss Green, your father's doctor is on the phone


He's unconscious, I think we'll be just fine.


No, when you put your feet up on my bed,


What? A heart attack is sitting here talking to you.


Let's see if we can get Rachel back in here.


Knocked up any more of my daughters laterly?


Ok, let's just try one syllable at a time.


I have to go before pull your head through a wall!


No, no! Don't go, I need you. My audition is tomorrow!

Hey. I was gonna make some dinner but all I found


in your dad's frige was bacon and heavy cream.

I think we solve the mystery of heart attack.


Just can't believe I'm in Rachel Green's room.


What do you mean? You have been in my room before.


Like I have ever been in Rachel Green's room.


Yeah, it's just so weird seeing him like that, you know?


he wouldn't even know if you were there.


Rach, you've been an amazing doughter, ok?


Right now, you just need to get some rest.


Would you stay here with me for a while?


Rachel Green is very happy you're in her room.


Ok, well, I can, maybe grab a sleeping bag or...


I'm sorry, I just don't think this is a good idea.


We won't know that until we do it, will we?


if I'd like be, you know, taking advantage of you.


I think one of us has to be thinking clearly,


Thanks so much for taking me to all these places,


Oh, I'm glad. Listen, I want to apologize


but I've never really seen them, you know?

Yeah, you missed a lot when you were mooing.


We're so much enjoying getting to know you.

Well, is there anything else you want to know?


captain of the football team, really cute.


And he got a scholarship, went off to college.


Well, there is a chance it's another guy.


Honey, it's us. Of course it's the shovel killer.


- We have to find out which one the father is.


I don't know, there're tests for these things, right?

Yeah, but maybe we're just overreacting.


Easy for you to say. He's a father killer.


Listen, I feel really badly about yesterday

and I thought it about a lot know I was too inpatient.


Oh no, that's ok. I don't need your help.


I work it out on myself and I gotta say I'm pretty good.


And I think I'm definitely gonna get the part.


Hi, Rach, can you grab me a cup of coffee?


You've been quiet all morning, is everything ok?


Ookay. Uhm, well I'm gonna go grab some breakfast.


some ill-advised sympathy sex, just do it.


Wait, wait, you're mad at me about last night?

I was just trying to do the right thing.


Really? Well it seems to me if you've done the right thing, I would not have woken up today feeling stupid and embarrassed,

I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied.


I treated you with respect and understanding.


Oh, really? Well Ross, you know what? I am a big girl,


I don't need someone telling me what is best for me.

I gotta say I have not had sex a lot times before,


Well, it wasn't very good for me, either.

Oh, ok, you know, hey hey! You know what?


To avoid this little thing in the future,

let's just say you and me, never having sex again.


name him after my father Jiminy Billy Bob?


Erica didn't pay much attention in sex ed class.

Because the thing she did with the prison guy


would be pretty hard to make a baby that way.


we hardly ever do or the thing we never do?


You know what, I think this audition is over.


I was passing by when I heard this man speaking


the regional dialect of my French town of Estelloude.

You really think this man is speaking French.


But I think we're gonna go with someone else for the part.


Again I just wanna say 'thank you' for coming with me.


uh, you know, about the whole sex thing and...

Probably not a great idea to go down that road again.


It's shame though, I mean, when we did it,


Hey, do you remember that one really great time?


You know? When two people have a connection,


You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?


This calls for a bottle of Israels finest.


Oh, God! Please, somebody say something.


So if you take this job you'll be moving to Paris?


and it's... really far, far away from you guys

but this is such an incredible opportunity for me.


And I've already talked to them about our situation with Emma

and they said they'll do whatever we need to make us feel comfortable.


- they'll fly you out... Anything we want.

- My boss said I might be getting a new lamp in my cubicle.


nd then these two move into a stupid house in the stupid suburbs...

Hey, this afternoon you said you'd be supportive...


Well, it comes and goes. I wouldn't trust it.


And it means a lot if you could try to get on board.


My hugs are reserved for people STAYING IN AMERICA.


Get your France-going-arms away from me.


Do you think if the Ralph Lauren people offered her her old job back, she would take it?


Is this the best way to use one of your three magic wishes?


Yeah! I met him at that Christmas party.


You mean the guy who kept calling you Ron?


�����ֹ�����-Meitina


The house next door to the one that we're buying in Westchester?


I wanna take a look at it, but Chandler doesn't.

We close escrow tomorrow, so seeing another house can only confuse us


and we're easily confused. We're not very bright.


Well, I think that shirt makes you look like you should work at a Baskin Robbins...


Hey, isn't Joey's agent Estelle Leonard?


She was the first black man to fly solo across the Atlantic.

Oh, wait a minute, I read the wrong one.


I know. He always wanted to be the first black man to cross the Atlantic.


He's already flipping out about everything that's changing.


Seriously, you don't think we should tell him?


Let's just give him a few days to get used to everything else.


Unless Snoopy says it to Charlie Brown, I think we're okay.


Uhm, actually we met at the Christmas party about two years ago.


I'm here to see if you'll give Rachel her job back.


Ah, did she ask you to come here and do this?


Then we'll see if she wants to come back.


And let's face it you're not gonna find anyone who did it as well as she did it.


But I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do...

Ah, it's not true, there is... nothing I want to do.


Oh, nothing, it's just, it's close to Ron.

Does he.. Does little Ross like dinosaurs by any chance?


How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History


I just heard it as you must have heard it and that's not good.


you'll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones - fossils!


You let Rachel come back, and it's done.

Well, I guess having Rachel back wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.


And I swear, your kid is going to have the time of his life.

That's great. I worry about little Ross.


He's always reading, he's collecting rocks and he's obsessed with dinosaurs.


There's a part in a TV movie that I would be perfect for and I didn't even be put up for it!


I'm wanna hear it, because she keeps doing this.


Promise me, that you will wait a minute before you call her.


Because a promise between friends means never having to give a reason.


I was just gonna call you! That's weird.

It's a little coincidental, but believable.


why I didn't get you an audition for that TV movie.


I guess I dropped the ball there. Whoopsie!


That's it? You know, it seems all you do lately is drop the ball.

Don't take that tone with me. Who you think you are?


Alan Lemond, the first black man to fly solo across the Atlantic?


All I'm saying is that you're my agent, ok?

And you're not getting me into any auditions and I'm tired of it.


Emma left her stuffed t-rex at my house.


Oh, well, she's asleep now. Stop forcing that thing on her.


Oh, you're not gonna believe what happened to me today!


Ralph Lauren called, and gave me my job back!


They fired me and then out of nowhere they just hire me back!


I mean, that place must have been falling apart without me.


When the Louis Vuitton people found out that Ralph Lauren wanted me back


and we were wondering if we could just take a look around.


Oh, sure. I'm showing it to someone else right now but please, look around.


It feels like we're cheating on our house.

And if we're gonna cheat, shouldn't it be with like a hot younger house,


that does stuff that our house won't do?


This living room is smaller, the dining room looks like a cave!


and I think the lady upstairs is goning to make another one.


They could be our neighbors, what are they like?


She and her husband have two kids, he's on Wall Street and she -


Yeah, I just - I just feel bad about firing Estelle.


No, that wouldn't kill her. Ordinary embolism might.


She's got to be taking it hard, I was like her only client.


And I'm guessing he eats more money than he makes.


Look, I know she's not a great agent, but she did stick with me for ten years.


- Because patience is the road to understanding


which ... is the key... to a happy heart.


All right, so promise you're gonna wait for her to call you?

I promise. And that means, never having to give a reason.


Oh, we go way back. Before Monica made an honest man out of him


Chandler used to be my little love muffin!heh-heh-heh!.

So? Are you guys thinking of getting this house too?


I'd better warn you, I'm a toughie Don't, don't!


No, actually, we're buying the house next door.


But knowing that you two would be our neighbors?


Ah! now we have to get it! Ellen, we're going to talk numbers.


Okay, the realtor said another couple made an offer.

Maybe the Janice's won't get it! Maybe the other couple will.


The only way that that is going to happen, is if the other couple are the Hitlers.


Huh? We can turn this house into a guest house.


And by the way, I don't mean to sound distasteful


we still have three hours till escrow closes on our house


Will we love it so much with her next door?


she's still gonna show up wherever we go!

I mean, at least if she's here, it eliminates the element of surprise.


I mean, never again will you have to hear the three words ..

...that make your balls jump back up inside your body.


Look, I um, I now Rachel turned you down


but I think there is a way you might be able to get her to come back.


but re-hiring fired employees, is not my main job.


How would you feel about offering her a raise?


What if you can give your son this genuine pterodactyl egg replica.


Oh, Believe me, the ladies, they love it!


Joey, this is Al T. Booker,the guy who eats paper.

I'm sure you've heard that Estelle passed away.


I wanted to let you know there's a memorial for her ...

...at the Westside chapel, tomorrow at ten.


Yeah, I wanted to call and tell you that there's no hard feelings for firing me.


Ok-ay. I just, I can't believe you're calling me?

Well, I didn't think I should just drop by...


No, no, no! Don't drop by, don't drop by!

Anyway, you did what you had to do. I'm okay.


Good luck with the career. You're gonna be huge.


we are definitely putting in an offer on the house...


All right, I got to run. Tell Monica I say goodbye.


Yeah, yeah, yeah! I want you... I need you...

I must have you Janice Litman Goralnik Neihosenstein.


Now that you live next door, we can be together every day.


Sid and Monica never have to know a thing.


I mean, you know, obviously we have this... heat between us.


But I love my husband. And I know you love your wife.

Now, I don't think we should get this house now.


Don't say that. Don't tangle the dream and take it away.

Chandler, one of us has got to be strong.


Although, maybe just... one last moment of weakness...


You are never going to believe what happened to me today.


Ralph Lauren called again and they offered me more money.


Zelner called me and he said we'll do everything we can to get you back.


I don't even know what department that guy's in.


That's great! So you're staying in New York!


Ye-ah. Yeah! You know, the money's great.


Yeah, you know, was I looking forward to going to Paris?

Sure. You know, was I excited about working in the fashion capital of the world?


Oh...! Yeah, but you know, this is... it's fine.


I'm fine going back to a job where I've pretty much gotten everything out of that I possibly can...


I had no idea you were so excited about Paris.


Well yeah, but I mean, it was good scared though, you know?


Or uhm, when I-found-out-I-was-gonna-have-Emma scared...

But this is... fine. This is gonna be good.


But I already told Zelner that I would come back...


Yeah! I'm going to Paris. Thank you, Ross!


We're here today to pay respects to a wonderful agent and a beautiful woman...


As Estelle's only two clients we would like to say a few words.


That is entertaining. Al Zebooker everybody.


Alright, let's play one more time, okay?


And remember, if I win you do not move to Paris.


Can't beIieve I'm risking this again, but you're on!


Hey, so we thought we'd throw you a little going away party around 7.


I know... honey, seriously I did it all.

The luggage that I'm taking is in the bedroom. This is Emma's Paris stuff,


... these are boxes that I'm having shipped,

... and that's the sandwich I made for the plane...


Oh well, everything that I need is in here,

and my travel documents are on the counter


... organized in the order that I will be needing them.

Oh my God! I have nothing left to teach you!


It should be right next to my plane ticket.


I must have packed it in one of these boxes!


Special Thanks to: www.friends6.com & sogo & Mulder & i_love_rachel


Oh, wow, can you believe you're really 3 weeks away?


You don't mind me touching your belly, do you?


... but right now your hand's kinda blocking


people think I'm just fat with big breasts.


I didn't realize you were coming back so soon!


Hey, well, in a couple of weeks I won't be able to travel.

Yeah, and I wanted her to get to know the doctors


Hotel? Why isn't she staying with you guys?


Because we're moving in a couple of days


My room has this little fridge full of free snacks.


In fact they have one of the highest markups


- Oh man, I can't believe you guys are leaving this place.


Hey, you know you can take it if you want!


Plus, how much a month does it cost to feed Joey?


Mhm, helpful brother - creepy loner at teen movie.


Alright, Rachel's party is in a couple of hours


Alright, she's right. We gotta get serious.


Let's put styrofoam peanuts down his pants


and Ross you re-pack whatever Joey packs.


Chandler, you don't have a sister so you can't


Mhm, maybe she used 'em with another boyfriend.


Why would she use them with Richard and not me?


I once did a naked danced for her... with scarves!


I kinda like being married to a rock star, you know.


Oh, he's playing organ for a children's roller-skating party.


Well, I thought this would be a great opportunity


... smoked oyster casserole with a breakfast cereal crust,


Oh, she's putting Emma down, she'll be over in a second.

Now it just  hit her that she's leaving and she's kind of emotional


... so no one say anything to set her off, okay?/Yeah.


No, no, no, it's okay, it's okay. I'm gonna be fine.


Oh, man! I can't believe she's actually leaving.


I know, she's been such a big part of my life,


and it feels like when "Melrose Place" got cancelled.

I mean...Oh, forget about it. I miss "Melrose Place"!


- You know, I had a chance to stop her too!

- Yeah? Who loses 57 coin tosses in a row?


You guys are gonna come and visit me, right?


in 6 months the Statue of Limitations runs out


... and I can travel internationally again!


... and I was gonna save it until the end of the night, but come here.


Hey, what do you think they're doing in there?

Huh, if I had to guess I'd say Rachel's putting on the bubble wrap and


Oh, Pheebs, I don't even know where to start.


Okay well, before you do, I know we weren't supposed


Well, it's cotton swab with a bit of my saliva on it,

... so that if they perfect the cloning process while you're over there,


you can use the DNA to create your own Pheebs!


... but thank you so much for the gesture!


Oh, yes. I decided to leave these out for you

... in case Richard stops by and you wanna


engage a little light bondage and mustache play!


Good luck getting another scarf dance from me!


- But I'm serious, I've never seen these before.


Then what are they doing in our guest room?


Please, please don't... don't turn into... you know, French bitch!


- Alright. Well, if I gonna do this, I'd better keep going.


- Can you come here with me for a minute?


She's gonna say goodbye to each of us individually.


Yeah, I know, it's gonna be even worse for you... God...

Ross, get ready to do some serious crying.


Oh, man, I'm not gonna be able to handle this.

Now I know how my students feel at the end of each year.


And why they act out by giving me such bad evaluations.

Mon... Okay... I've gotta... just say what it is I'm gonna say...


None of the amazing things that happened to me in the last ten years,would've happened if it wasn't for you.


I wouldn't know what I'm gonna do without you...


- (Says something that cannot be understood)


I... I... I... (again says something that cannot be understood)


Oh, so that thing you said about the thing. It really


Well it's okay. Chandler's talking to her.

I really made you think about that thing uh?


I think I have something that belongs to you.


Oh, I'm sure gonna miss pretending to laugh at your weird jokes that I don't get.


Well, if they are not Monica's and not yours,


Well, I think you're forgetting the kinkiest former


These are not mine... Look how flimsy they are, come on!


Good God! You try to hang a guy from a water pipe with these,they'll snap like a piece of licorice.


You don't really handcuff guys to water pipes, do you?


- Let me just say something... Because once we get into this,

I'm gonna get all uncomfortable and probably make some


- I'm sorry, just give me one more chance.


I'm sor... Just go. Just go. I can't, I can't.


You cried yesterday at the 6 o'clock news.

That old woman was being scammed by her mechanic.


God! I can't believe she saved me for last.


- I dunno. But, God, Joey seems to be handling it surprisingly well.


- Oh, you guys. This was an amazing night. Thank you so much.I love you. Good night.


maybe she thought that with all of your history it could be,


I mean, there's got to be an explanation.

Uh... did you do anything to make her mad?


You know, maybe she was just really spent from our talk.


Ross, if you're this upset, you should go and talk to her.


And say what? "You owe me a goodbye", I mean, he's got more pride than that.


What have I got to do to get a goodbye, huh?


Oh wait a minute, wait a minute, I did all those things!


Oh no, maybe it's me, I'm just not giving you enough credit.


Uh, I mean it is difficult to say goodbye to 5 people.

Uh, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, good... (makes choking noises)


You know what? After all we've been through, I can't believe


this is how you want to leave things between us.


- I'm sure he's not more bummed out than I am.


Well, you can't say we don't know how to throw a party.


I thought I was going home to go to bed, but I'm sensing

there's something less fun for me to do here?


It'd be great if you guys could pitch in.

Joey and I can finish up in the guest room.


Oh no! You and Phoebe are gonna help me in here.


The silverware gets bundled in rubber bands and then bubble wrapped.


Good. Now I need you to be careful and efficient.


And remember, if I'm harsh with you, it is only


Hey Mon, I think I've figured out whose handcuffs they are.


I found some pictures of them... being used.


Oh, it was okay. I went to a movie with my cousin and


Ooh...Hoo... ooh... Anyway, they had these


They come and go like every few minutes.


- Relax! We'll just get her some antacids.


Okay, okay... Okay, I feel a little better.


You really think I didn't say goodbye to you


Fine, then why didn't you say something?


When I think about not seeing you everyday,


Okay, so if you think that I didn't say goodbye to you

because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else,


So there, alright, there's your goodbye... Oh!


- Yeah. Alright, now give me your best shot.


Poor guy, I would not wanna be him right now...


What room did the nurse say Erica was in?


Did you see the size of the thing that was


I couldn't tell who is giving birth to who!


work gave me "Sex for Dummies" as a joke.


- This is exactly the kind of social situation


- It's just that we've never spent any time,


Nah, you won't, but I'll be back in two minutes.


So, you ever wonder which is worse, you know;


You know, because no one will ever know,


- One of life's great, unanswerable questions.

I mean, who knows? Maybe there's something


- Uh-huh. And I named them Chick Jr. and Duck Jr.


- Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house


that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.


- Yeah. It's a shame people can't visit there.


- Yeah, Erica went into labor last night.

Monica and Chandler are at the hospital right now!


- Phoebe, you were sure Ben was gonna be a girl.


Hey, how did it go with you guys last night?


You know what? Yeah, I do. I wanna be together.


- Oh, this is like the best day ever. Ever!


Monica and Chandler are getting their baby,


there are chicks and ducks in the world again!


bright and beaming! And the moon comes..."


- Uh. Would you guys mind giving us a minute?


- Chick and the duck? Didn't they die...


You know, it was like one of those things


it was just the perfect way to say goodbye.


- Chandler, you don't wanna miss this...


Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?


no woman is ever gonna be good enough for you!


Well, you don't have that much time to relax.

The other one will be along in a minute.


I'm sorry, who should be along in a what now?

The next baby should be along in a minute.


I can't believe you didn't know it's twins!


But I thought that was just mine and the baby's.


I mean, that's a great day for everybody.


- Monica, we are not ready to have two babies!


It looks like we're about ready over here.

Come on, Erica, start pushing again now.


- Ross, you've got to tell her how you feel!


- Dude, I'm just trying to speak your language.


...If she did, she might feel differently.


Oh, okay! This is the part of the musical

where there'd be a really good convincing song.


- Can't a girl finish a song around here?


- Hi! So I just dropped Emma off at my mom's.

- Oh, you're not taking her with you tonight?


Eight hours with my mother talking about Atkins?


We're going to take Erica to recovery now.

- There's something that we wanna tell you.


- Anyway, I'm gonna go and get some rest.


- It's a "welcome home" sign for the baby.


- Because she's just going to shoot me down.

You guys saw what happened with Gunther.


- How can you compare yourself to Gunther?


I mean, sure, he's sexy in a more obvious way.


- Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, sometimes...


Do you know how many hot guys there are in Paris?


- Hi! You guys, the car-service just got here.


She said they should be here any minute.


And apparently, there's some big surprise.


- Hey, that pregnant girl's name was Erica!


two didn't get to spend more time together.

- Yeah, we named the boy Jack after dad.


it sounds like a '40s newspaper guy, you know?


....and we can be like the Von Trapp family!


- I'm just so glad you got to see the babies.


Oh, I'm just sorry I'm not gonna be around

to watch you two attempt to handle this!


I can't say goodbye to you guys again...


they're gonna really hate me over there.


- But now she'll never know how he feels!


...Maybe, maybe it is better this way...


...I mean, you've been trying to for so long,

maybe now that you're on different continents..


- But Ross, What do you, what do you think she's going to say?


You really think we gonna make it in time?


Hey, I haven't had my licence taken away


it's better if you're thrown from the car.


- Hey! The law says you have to accept any fare.


- Is the old woman on the bicycle still alive?


- Yes, but I don't wanna die in your cab!


but now we understand you were doing this!


- Yeah, they must have jumped off the table,


- Actually, I'm gonna go check on the twins.


- Well, maybe we can just tip the table a little.


- Does that mean we have to bust it open?


isn't that why we took a ride in the death-cab?


- You have to get a ticket to get past security.


- Not with that attitude! Now, haul ass!


- Oh my God! I was so afraid I wasn't gonna


but I understood every word you just said!


- Madame, if you don't have your boarding pass...


- Madame, you must have your boarding pass..


and I don't get to see how it works out?

- Fine, two tickets, I need two tickets.


- I don't care. Whatever is the cheapest.


I told you I would find it! In your face!.


- Maybe we have the flight-number wrong. God.


the cute little noises the twins are making.


Listen! I need Rachel's flight information.


Flight 421, leaves at 8:40, Newark airport.


- I need to say goodbye to the table first.


-  Well, I've never gone this fast before!


...There's no way we're gonna make it in time.

- She's got her cell, you could call her.


- Hey, by the way, did you just get on the plane?


For what it's worth, we would have caught


... Something is wrong with the left phalange.


was something wrong with the left phalange.


She's always coming up with stuff like this,

and you know what? She's almost never right.


...something's wrong with the left phalange.


This plane doesn't even have a phalange!


Alright, I have to get back to the babies.


- Well, at least we got these little guys out.


Maybe we should keep them here with you.


- Yeah, I mean we've got a lot going on right now.

And, plus, here they'd have their own room.


You know, I think you're set with the poultry.


'cause now you have a reason to come visit.


- Ma'am, I assure you, the plane is fine.


As a matter of fact, we put a whole lot of


- excuse me, sir, do you have a boarding pass?

- No, no, I just have to talk to someone.


- Uh, does this mean there's nothing to eat?


...That is so not how I wanted things to end with us...


...It's just that I wasn't expecting to see you

and all of a sudden you're there and saying these things... And...


And now I'm just sitting here and thinking

...of all the stuff I should have said, and I didn't.


I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too...


.....okay? I need to tell someone that I love love them.


- I am afraid you are gonna have to take a seat..


- Oh, please, miss, you don't understand!


- Oh, come on, miss, isn't there any way


- I love you too, and I'm never letting you go again.

- Okay. 'Cause this is where I wanna be,


- Okay. You and me, alright? This is it.


- Hey, do you realise that at one time or another we all lived in this apartment?


summer during college that you lived with grandma,


- Oh, honey, I forgot. I promised Treeger


- This is harder than I thought it would be.


house right away, or do you have some time?


and I know you and I have drifted apart...


Independence. Taking control of your life.


- I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?


Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.


Heh. That's one way of going through it,


You got married. You were like, what, 8?

Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon.


Even if I could get it together enough...


While you're on a roll, if you feel like you

gotta make a Western omelet or something...


Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul.


All right, come here. Give me your feet.


I was laughed out of 12 interviews today.


So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.


Did you make it or are you just serving it?


Otherwise, you're gonna find yourself...


"Gee, that glacier's getting kind of close."


Monica, you know, you already fluffed...


...about the flatness of a child's pillow.


That's because, as far as my parents are


Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough


"Hi, Barry, remember me? I'm the girl...


You don't get a lot of "doy" these days.


Monica, you know that's not how you look


Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant,


trying to have it all, and I thank God...


So you should try not to look too terrific.


Hi. Sorry I'm late. I got stuck at work.


Be right there. I'll be back in a second.


- So, um...? So how's this going to work...


...if it's a boy. Minnie, if it's a girl.


About a month ago, I wanted to hurt you...


I guess, uh... I guess this belongs to you.


- Hello, it's not gonna be Helen Geller.


Honestly. You're not actually suggesting


He knows they'll wind up calling her Geller.


Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined


mother-to-be, but, uh, thanks for sharing.


married and having kids and everything...


- What? He said, "We should do it again."


Since always. It's, like, dating language.


Or, you know, um, "I think we should see


and your parents put your dog to sleep...


No, because, uh, our parents actually did...

...uh, send our dog off to live on a farm.


But you'll have to live with the knowledge


- No, no, no. I'm not giving you a cigarette.


No, it's fine. It's fine. Look, do you want


All right. Don't tell me, don't tell me.


and I open up their monthly "statement."


Yes, because now I have to go down there


If I kept it, it would be like stealing.


- I'm smoking. I'm smoking. I'm smoking.


you went through the last time you quit.


- No, not after what happened with Steve.


Look, I don't know how I feel about him yet.


I bring a guy home and within five minutes


I mean, they're like coyotes picking off


of that happening are a little slimmer...


...as our free gift." Do you believe this?


where Bugs is playing all the positions.


But instead of Bugs, it was first base, Alan.


- I, personally, could have a gallon of Alan.


- Oh, my God. There's really money in here.


Oh, I want you to have it. I don't want it.


Well, is it, like, a little annoying? Or


Now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, all right?


Yeah, he's a big boy. He'll get over it.


But I gotta tell you, I'm a little relieved.


Game's over. I'm weak. I've gotta smoke.


So they're constantly having to reassure

each other that they're having a good time.


- You can stay with Rachel and me tonight.


Less than 100 steps from our place to here.


- So I'm guessing you had an extra ticket...


which one of you got to bring a date? Huh?


I think I'm just gonna go home and think


The hell with hockey. Let's all do that.


- You promise to buy me a big foam finger?


There was a cave-in in one of the mines,


God, isn't this exciting? I earned this.

I wiped tables for it. I steamed milk for it.


I mean, what...? Chandler, look at that.


- You can totally, totally live on this.


We'll take a time-out while Messier stops


is still you dumping Barry at the altar.

- All right, let's talk reality for a second.


Um, oh, and sometimes Arturo lets me put

the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies.


Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends?


Um, they say there's been unusual activity


Everyone I know is either getting married


or getting pregnant or getting promoted...


it looks like we're not sitting together.


I gave up like everything. And for what?


and now everything's just kind of like...


That's all you need, a bunch of toothless


It says to call this number if you're not


completely satisfied with this candy bar.


Hold on. Fill these out. Sit over there.


But I'm in a lot of pain here, all right?


Wait, was this a small Mediterranean guy


Oh, I wanna see. Let me see. Let me see.


Oh, him. The little guy. Oh, I love him.


Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.


So you slept with her for the first time.


There's a man on the 12th floor in a coma


- Right where we've been looking all night.


all things considered, you had fun tonight.


Oh, yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue.


- Oh. Rachel, it's the Visa-card people.

RACHEL: Oh, okay. Will you take my place?


Yeah. Last week you had a wonderful nutty,


chocolate-y, kind of cake-y pie thing that...


and you call yourself an actor. But Bob...


have dinner tonight? You know, as friends.


- A whole other machine for your colors.


RACHEL: Okay, I know this is gonna sound


No, it's like... The first time I had to make

dinner for myself after Carol left me...


Joey, could we check it in the light, please?


- Close? She's got her tongue in his ear.


that much, just go out and get the shoes.


CHANDLER [THINKING]: All right, all right.


[IN NORMAL VOICE] Yeah, like that thought


you'll end up stuck in the Zone forever.


I was the last one to know when Chandler


ALL [SINGING]: I'm on the top of the world


Come here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty...


I know. I just wanna bite his bottom lip.


...those three seconds were more exciting


Oh, it's not about that right now. Okay.


the sex is not being had. But that's, uh...


...then, uh, I would be, well, very sad.


And I don't know if you got any of that...


Huh. Did, uh, any of the rest of you guys


Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is.


other people have made the same mistake.


So, uh, what do you think it is about me?


- That's Nana right there in the middle.


...if I got a $100 advance on my salary?


and normally my father pays for my ticket...


this whole independent thing, you know...

...which is actually why I took this "job."


you could give me an advance on my tips?


are going to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving?


- Yes, they are. The Blymans invited them.


And this from the Cry for Help Department:


That's funny, I was thinking you look more


bring her, ooh, ooh, lesbian life partner.


Well, I just came by to pick up my skull.


and I have to get it back to the museum.


Yes, heh, I'm familiar with the concept.


Look, if she's talking to it, I just think


I think the baby can totally hear everything.


Thanks. You can just put it on the table.


We've just finished Thanksgiving dinner.


I have... And I remember this part vividly.


choose to tell me they're getting divorced.


It's very difficult to enjoy Thanksgiving


You're amazing. You know when to spritz.


- I just remembered I have to do something.


You know how laughter can be infectious.


Chandler, will you just come in, already?


a safe distance from all this merriment.


Okay, we all laughed when you did it with

the stuffing, but that's not funny anymore.


You get a little piece of turkey on your fork,


Okay, three kinds of potatoes coming up.


Oh, God, look at... Sorry. I'm so sorry.

The most unbelievable thing has happened.


Well, there is one way that seems to offer


You know, I... You know, I can't do this.

This is... It's too weird. I feel stupid.


the giant dog shadow fall over the park?


Enough with the keys. No one say "keys."


Everyone wants a different kind of potato,

so I'm making different kinds of potatoes.


Potatoes are ruined. Potatoes are ruined.


so I guess I'm stuck here with you guys.


- Does anybody wanna split this with me?


- A little toast here. Ding, ding, ding.


...but for me this has been really great,


I think because it didn't involve divorce...


...or if you guys had been with your family,


...we wouldn't be all together, you know?


Uh, sorry, that's "pathet," which is Sanskrit


He's not even jolly. It's all political.


the horrible pressures of this holiday...


when the ball drops. Man, I'm talking loud.


It's just that I'm sick of being a victim


I say this year, no dates, we make a pact.


that means a lot to me this time of year.


I was just saying to my friend, you were


And I said, yeah, I liked her in Splash,


And, uh, while Daryl Hannah is beautiful


David's, like, you know, a scientist guy.


Wait a minute. I see where this is going.


That was, like, the worst breakup in history.


I think it has to do with my working late.


Okay. But if he asks, I'm not going to lie.


But you can't actually test this theory.


- Okay. All right. I have a question then.


Uh, that's definitely a valid question...


Okay. And I'll tell you, this was a gift.


- So now you're just kind of tidying up.


- Fun Bobby, your ex-boyfriend, Fun Bobby?


Sorry. Paolo's catching an earlier flight.


to pack his bags. We are going to Minsk.


If I showed up with my new girlfriend...


All right, I'll, uh, catch up with you later.


I was at the airport getting into a cab...


...this blond planet with a pocketbook...


I've decided to go to Minsk without you.


And that's what I have to do right now."


And, um... And then you tell me you love me


And then you say that it's almost midnight


the new year with me if you can't finish it.


- Ooh. I don't know how to tell you this...


getting it on with Max, that scientist geek.


...but I do believe there are three girls


...who has the potential to break our hearts


in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.


...but wondering what you look like naked.


...with always-interesting Nora Tyler Bing.


...and all your friends were passing around


- Why would she say that's embarrassing?


So now you're doing this book tour thing.


- Well, I think we're ready for some tequila.


I've read everything you've ever written.


...all I wanted to do was become a writer.


Uh, well, Joey and I had discussed getting


Yeah, well, you don't have your racquet.


Well, it's not like she's a regular mom.


I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani...


I'd stop by, you know, after the, ahem...


So, um, do you think he's doing any better


Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you noticed,


It was me. I'm sorry. I kissed your mom.


I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo


...and Nora... Mrs. Mom, your Bing, was...


Of all my friends, no one knows the crap


can be "liberated from its denim prison"?


Okay, but if she always behaves like this,


...doesn't mean you know her, all right?


- So the Etch A Sketch is from you guys?


- No, just knowing you're there is enough.


He did it. He told her off. And not just


Okay, wait. Are you sure she didn't say:


I don't hear anything. Wait, wait, wait.


if you had told me vegetarian lasagna...


Well, the meat's only every third layer.


...and I could find my way out like that.


Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling,


I mean, we are way past the "fling" thing.


So I got the results of the amnio today.


- We certainly do. It's going to be a...


Okay, what did we think it' was gonna be?


- I believe this piece of furniture was fine...


...until your little breakfast adventure


What do you mean, like, buy it together?


- Yes, it's just that, with my last roommate...


Carol called to thank me for the lasagna.


- Whoa. The store will be open tomorrow.


It's your moral obligation as a friend...

...as a woman. I think it's a feminist issue.


but big red insects suggest fine dining?


I really hate you for what you did to Rachel.


Oh, you guys, I really think only one of us


I don't want to think about another guy.


I don't even want to be near another guy.


altogether is the answer. I really don't.

I think what you need is to develop a more


Oh. I don't know. That's a little weird.


Yeah. Go up to her and say, "Here's your


Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willet.


Um... Oh, uh, Carol teaches sixth grade.


Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom.


- Let's say you and I give it another shot.


FIREMAN 1: You tell them you're married?


Well, Mr. Costilick would like you to stop


Oh, listen, if this is about those prank


...and Big Al calls me into his office...


...that's in his office until 12:00 at night


Oh, yeah, I know. You're a chef, I know,


- Well, what kind of food is he looking for?


It's this cute little place on 10th Street.


Hey, guys, anyone know a good date place


Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady.


We're talking about whipped fish, Monica.


...intelligence tests, personality tests,


...for a large multi-national corporation."


...so that I can waitress in the Olympics.


but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76.


I just don't think I'm the dirty-talking


that guy from your old job called again.


Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens


Uh, but look, this isn't about the money.


Al, I'm not playing hardball here, okay?


I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy!


I smelled such a delicious combination of...


...but in about eight and a half minutes,

we'll be serving some delicious tartlets.


You know, these are... They are like a little


...and you can't even wait four and a half


I just thought that this was, you know, "it."


Right. Because it's close to where I live,


- Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack.


Alrighty. We're gonna start with some basic


I don't see why I have to miss out on the


Listen, I know I came in late last week.


I'm just trying to find the right moment.


See, after I let her go, uh, I got a call


The sound Mom and Dad will never forget.


All right, can I just ask you one question?


psychological profile sent to personnel?


- Well, I ended up telling her everything.


Rachel, what are you doing? It's freezing.


where I was playing football with my kid.


I know I've gotta do something because the


Tampa Bay defense is coming right at me.


Man, if you tried that on my birthday...


I tell you, I wouldn't mind having a piece


Five years ago, if somebody'd said to me,

"Here's a tomato that looks like a prune"...


Okay, listen, I'm thinking, why don't we


...but, um, I left the guy at the altar.


- Okay, you're right, this wasn't worth it.


You know, your insurance will cover that.


Yours. I just got 43 points for "kidney."


Well, if you're gonna work for mechanics,


I can't be a waitress anymore. I mean it.


Uh, nothing. I'm sure they'll be impressed


Look, I am totally, totally over her, okay?


Like, it's poker, so only guys can play?


This is a poker game. You can't serve food


Let's play for real. High stakes. Big bucks.


You know what, guys? It's their first time.


by taking money from all of your friends.


"When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy".


See, Ross, because I think you love her.


Marcel... Okay. If you press that button,


- Oh! I got an interview. I got an interview.


- No, that's bluffing. Lesson number one.


- Um, Aunt Iris, this is Phoebe, and Rachel...


and now they're all recommending Trident?


We talked for, like, two and a half hours.


All right, listen, we talked about it...


I think we'd like to give poker another try.


you should know that this money is cursed.


through the formality of actually playing.


who has the last laugh there, monkey boy.


- All right, well, I'm gonna order a pizza.


You guys, you know what I just realized?


I got four sixes. I won. I actually won.


I think I'm gonna make a little Ross pile.


Little veins popping out of your temple.


Well, I see he's mastered the difference


With Barry, it was safe and it was easy,


I'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies...


...just so long as there's a little nudity.


That's right. You're gonna spend tomorrow


I can't believe we're having this discussion.


Don't you think if things were gonna happen


she said she's looking for a relationship...


Well, I added the "exactly like me" part.


...go over there and, uh, try to woo her.


Roll him over. Oh, come on, roll him over.


Phoebe and I will take third and fourth.


- Oh, great. It went great. Really great.


We could do that. But before we head off


to the murder capital of the Northeast...


...about relationships and stuff, well...


I should have started you off with, like,


Heh. Marcel is an illegal exotic animal.

I'm not allowed to have him in the city.


That's right, because I didn't expect you

we're gonna invite them to the apartment.


You'd put that poor little creature in jail?

Pheebs, you remember how we talked about


saying things quietly to yourself first?


Look, I'm sure there's some friendly way


First of all, we haven't been introduced.


You think you could you help us out here


on that monkey thing, for old times' sake?


and, ahem, we were looking for something.


Sure, sure. Did you try turning the knob


So if we could get some pictures of you,


Here, I'm gonna break my foot right now.


...totally oblivious to people's monkeys


Hey, it'll be nice to get this off finally,


No, Ross, come on. No, no. It was my fault.


I can't. I can't do it. I can't marry Mindy.


No way. Mr. Salty is a sailor, all right?


I can't believe it. He's looking right at us.


- Let her know I like her? Are you insane?


where you poke it and butter squirts out.


...to stop calling, stop sending you flowers


Right. Well, we never actually got to that.


Oh, it was just so nice to see him again,


Yeah, but it was different with him today.


All right. All right, all right, all right.


It creeps me out. I feel like I can't do stuff.


Oh, Barry. Come on. This is all way too...


- You don't think that makes me seem...?


I said that a little too loudly, didn't I?


Um, we should really be sitting for this.


- Now, I know things have been weird lately.


Mindy, if it'll make you feel any better...


...kind of had a little thing on the side.


I tried to call you from the coffee shop.


Look, if I wanna walk around my apartment


- Mostly free-weights, but occasionally...


I'm sorry. I'm sorry. God, I am so sorry.


Well, the first time didn't really count.


Dr. Farber, we've got an emergency here.


Oh, God. Uh, I'll be right there, Bernice.


Because I'm telling you, this feels great.


Still, it's just such reckless spending.

When somebody steals your credit card...


She buys tickets to plays I want to see.


I should have a name that's more neutral.


- Well, it does not ring a bell with me.


Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof.


For the love of God, Monica, don't do it!


People, last time there were yogurt containers


I'm here, I'm here. I'm so sorry I'm late.


Apparently, he's reached sexual maturity.


he'll start getting aggressive and violent.


The vet said that unless he's in a place


Ah. Your own brand of vigilante justice.


...and make complete fools of ourselves.


- Well, you're Pennsylvania Dutch, right?


I thought that movie was so incredibly...


I'd say that chair's taking the brunt of it.


You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?


Apparently, he was this Russian dictator


Well, it's technically not a zoo per se.


Um, how is he at handling small objects?


I'll start him against a blind rabbit...


I'm going to the Big Apple Circus today.


You're gonna lose your job. This is not you!


...and pay the bills as soon as they come in!


I want you to know, I didn't turn you in.


Actually, you only got to sing "Memo..."


You in the back, you're getting it wrong!


boarding call for Flight 67 to San Diego...


...but remember, there's also a lot to learn.


What? I could. I could do it. What is it?


...ahem, for a large portion of the day.


"Help, come quick! They're still extinct!"


No, it's for when Carol goes into labor.


That'll stop when you pick up the phone.


Will he know what this is in reference to?


All right, I'll see that he gets the message.


Well, now I actually have to get to work.


Ooh, belt's too tight. Gotta change the belt.


I mean, you've been dating this guy since,


and I love being with him, but, you know...


All right, relax, relax, just relax, just relax.


No, Andre is not here. Third time today.


- I didn't tell anybody that I knew you.


That is so not... That is so not... That...


...I thought gunpoint was an actual place


- Think about it. It's always on the news.


And, um, well, I figure if you can be honest,


- Oh, God, don't tell me I did it wrong.


...as long as we're telling stuff, uh...


who wasn't alive during the bicentennial.


Ethan, focus. How could you not tell me?


- I wasn't thinking. I was busy falling...


Was I doing something particularly saucy?


So tell me, was it like you and Chandler


And this has nothing to do with the fact


Oh, my life is just so amusing. Heh, heh.


A month ago, these people were my friends.


You're, like, the guy in the big office,


from what I think was our cousin Nathan.


it was a little more than I needed to know.


All right, look, I gotta tell you something.


so you'd think I was cute and vulnerable.


Thanks. Listen, about the weekly numbers,


- The phone. I don't have the phone. Aah!


- Hey, Ross, look what I got going here.


I can't believe it. I'm gonna be an aunt.


All right, all right, I'm going, I'm going.


She's having my baby and she's not here.

- Everything's fine. Has her water broken?


to have his baby in a movie from the '50s.


It's only like $2 for the first contraction...


I just thought we might be here for a while,


ROSS: Hey, where the hell have you been?


Each one's like a little party in my uterus.


SUSAN: No, I'm getting it. Be right back.


It's nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Franzblau.


You know, it's a rebuilding year. You...


Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.


Oh, no, no, no. We're just friends. Yeah.


- Fifteen more seconds. Fourteen, 13, 12...


It's gonna be okay. We're doing it for Jordy.


during the whole Jesse/Cody/Dillon fiasco.


Look, Carol never threw me out of a room


Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did


There are children coming into the world


So just stop all the yelling! Just stop it!


Anyway, you were telling me about Paris.


great little pastry shop right by my hotel...


No, Mom, everything's going fine, really.


I try not to let work affect my personal life,


I had a doctor, a nurse and a helper guy.


There's Father's Day. There's Mother's Day.


So I barely had enough pieces of parents


...who care about it so much that they fight


- All right, honey, time to start pushing.


- Okay, on three, Ben. One, two, three. Unh.


All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing.


All right, he's crowning. Here he comes.


but we still need a name for this little guy.


And sometimes I'll want you to steal third,


- Oh, Melanie called. She's gonna be late.


...if I want to get the money, I'm not allowed


Could you take it to Carol's now and then

and show it to Ben so he doesn't forget me?


Is Rachel here? Um, I wanted to wish her


- Oh, no, she's out having drinks with Carl.


- Well, Rachel's having drinks with him.


Of course, there they just call it food.


It feels like a book. I think it's a book.


Yeah, but if it's good news, tell him now.


I've just got to talk to him. I've got...


It's from Rachel. She loved the present.


It's like, all of a sudden, I'm blind...


- Ugh, there'd be all this pressure and...


Toby, for God's sake, will you let it go?