So I didn't expect to ever be in this situation, but here I am. I got out of a long relationship and recently started getting back into OLD. I had some dates that went nowhere, and a few days ago I went out with a girl that I had no expectation or intention of sleeping with on the first date at all. So much so that I didn't even bring a condom or anything since I was 100% sure nothing was going to happen . Our convo wasn't flirty or sexual at all, she seemed pretty shy, and even during the date there wasn't any physical contact. However, after the date we sat on a bench and ended up making out, after which she indicated she was down for more, so for some stupid reason I invited her to my place. Truth be told, I had issues performing as I guess I'm still not really over my ex. She was very understanding, and ended up sleeping over. I texted her the next day saying I had a good time and indicated I'd like to see her again, but as a few days went by I realized I'm really not ready for this, and that there was much of a spark at all. I think I just got caught up in the moment and made a dumb decision, and I've been feeling awful. I've never been in a situation where I didn't want to see the person again after having sex, and I could really use some help with how to best approach this. I'm fully aware that no matter what I'll end up looking a complete asshole, and that's totally justified, but I'd still like to be considerate in letting her know I don't plan to continue things. This was one of those situations where the "I'm not ready for a relationship" excuse is actually true, as evident by how bad my performance was in bed. Anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice on what to say/not to say? I'd also love to hear from women on this, because I'm sure you've been on the receiving end and I'd like to avoid her feeling used as much as possible, though I know that's almost impossible now.

I have been on the receiving end. Tbh I appreciated the guy's honesty, it only caught me by surprise because there were no warning signs that he was about to say that. He also said it more like "I don't know if I want to continue things" instead of "I don't want to", which in the moment left me thinking he might change his mind, so just be direct and straightforward with what you want to say. That was a few years ago and we still talk every now and then, we are both 100% over it and there are no resentments :) but I guess it depends on the people involved. The main thing is that you deliver your message correctly, you can't control her reaction. Heading straight into a new relationship after a breakup rarely works out well. Take time for yourself and heal before jumping in again. No strings from the old baggage, you know.


If you went on a couple of dates. If they removed you and unfollowed you. Is that weird and does it read as desperate?

Yes If it is an app like Instagram it wouldn’t be weird because the act of them unfollowing you doesn’t remove you as one of their followers. If you aren’t following them it would be weird because you’re going out of your way to watch them.


Before instantly commenting any hate/such please read the context of the story. Senior year of high school my good friend started dating this girl . During that time I got a lot closer with Jack to the point I would call him my best friend, as well as becoming good friends with Kathy as well. College comes, and Jack and I are going to the same uni while Kathy goes to community college. We remain close for ~2 years while he is still dating Kathy long distance. Later years Jack and I start to distance, both finding different fits for friends we associate with, but still hangout and such. Senior year of college, Jack breaks up with Kathy and puts me in that divorced parents kind of situation trying to split hanging out between the both of them. During this time I get a lot closer to to Kathy trying to help her through the break up, and we become best friends and learn that we are quite similar and compatible with each other. Both mine and Kathy’s friends/families have commented on how we would be great together and we’ve admitted to each other that we’ve thought about dating each other, I just don’t know if us pursuing a relationship is the best idea.

You're a really fickle best friend, man Even if you’d be great together you should just leave it at friendship. You’d be breaking bro code by getting with her. If you’re fine with being seen as a shitty best friend and you’re cool with her having a reputation as a homie-hopper then go for it I guess. I wouldn’t risk a friendship with a good bro for a girl you might not even be dating in a few months. And above all this I think you should consider your friend’s feelings and whether or not he’d care. There’s a possibility he doesn’t care at all but would you risk that by going behind his back? If they had been dating for only a few months or so I’d understand but they have years of history so it would look bad on you to date her. The whole dynamic of your entire friendships would change and not for the better IMO. Ask yourself how you’d feel if you were in your friend’s position.


It's almost comical what a high percentage of women go on a first date with me while sick, and then give me whatever they have by talking in my face in a loud restaurant. The crazy thing is they think it's no big deal. They show up for the date and say stuff like i have been so sick this week, but don't worry I "took a z-pac" or "I had an IV". None if that even makes sense. They are still contagious. Am I the only one this keeps happening to?

> Am I the only one this keeps happening to? It’s unlikely this is very common women are used to being in some kind of pain and still showing up for shit, natural byproduct of a having to go to school/work while bleeding and cramping lifestyle. dudes stay in bed and let the storm pass.


My boyfriend M has a work buddy named Vance. Earlier this week M told me about how Vance went to get a massage and at the end he got a hand job. Weird whatever good for him. Last night my boyfriend fell asleep on the couch and I was about to eat some ramen on the floor when his phone went off. Long story short I went through it I went through his messages between him and Vance and Vance texted him the address and picture of the place. Then said “Go get a tuggy tonight lol” M responded “lol I just might” Vance said “she had some soft hands”. And that’s was the end of that conversation. I’m 4 1/2 months pregnant with our second child. I’m seriously disgusted and so fucking hurt. I woke him up and tried talking about it calmly. And he freaked out on me saying “why are you going through my phone, you are crazy & get away from me” and went to the bedroom and fell asleep. I’ve been crying all night. I’ve only had like 3 hours of sleep. It’s 4am and he left for work. I don’t want to be with him anymore. I have no family or friends here and I’m on probation out here. I am a SAHM meaning I have nothing to my name. I could go to Arizona and live with my sister but I would never leave my son and honestly I wouldn’t want to take him away from M because most of the time he is a great dad. I know my emotions are higher than usual right now. But I’m done. We have had a lot of issues lately and I’m at the end of my rope. I’m going to call my p.o today and see what my options are if I even have any. I made a therapy appointment on Wednesday. I’m planning on telling him I don’t want to be with him anymore. My confidence is crushed and I just can’t trust him after this. Especially after he reacted when I confronted him. How hard would it have been to just say “it’s just guy talk etc”. P.s the thing that bothers me the most is they work together. They talked about this at work. So then why did Vance send him the address and a picture of the place?

For me it could be guy talk… but the red flag is that he got immediately defensive. This shows that he’s aware that it’s wrong. Contrast instant anger and denial with: “Ha ha. Yeah. Vance keeps going on about it, so I said that to shut him up. Now, are you going to give me that tuggie?” Naaaah that's not just guy talk. Suss as hell. Did he get home later than he should have from work?


Ok. Short story: I was “dating” someone. We talked about our relationships; this person was never brought up until I saw their picture pop up in the car on her phone. I stopped and immediately said I knew them; she asked… did you guys “fuck” I said yeah, uncomfortably. The rest of the car ride was chill, and I immediately regretted not saying anything. Then she told me they also had a fling and were just friends now. But it turns out they are best friends. We talked in the car, and she immediately told me she wanted to stay single and wasn’t ready to commit to anything serious. I understood that. I was freaking head over heels after talking for a month and a half. I slowly distanced myself after a few hangs and told her I couldn’t shake the fact that you slept with the same person I slept with, and they're also now your best friend. She says that it’s a red flag that I felt that way. Am I the one in the wrong? How the fuck could I be. I don’t think either of us foresaw this, but it’s fucking insulting to say it’s my fault. Would you have done the same or kept trying to be friends?

You were in this thing for six weeks, found out something that didn’t work for you, and you got out. It doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks. I think having a connected sexual history would make a lot of people uncomfortable. One of my absolute closest friends is a straight guy . It’s something that I always told people really soon after we start dating because, yeah, a lot of people feel uncomfortable with that situation. Better for everyone to get that information out there. I think it’s a rare thing to have a close guy friend where you don’t have sexual or romantic feelings. But that’s not even her situation since the two of them did have sex in the past. You’re not being controlling or jealous. This just isn’t for you. That’s okay. You mean she cut you off?


I have been with my GF for over a year now. Everything in our relationship has been great, she’s just the best, loving, caring, incredibly cute, intelligent, for me, she’s the whole package. Last night we were getting intimate , I was touching her over her pants and she seemed to enjoy it, so i asked if i could go underneath, she was hesistant at first but then said yes, I went at it but at a certain moment she told me to stop, here’s where i fucked up, I didn’t, I kept saying things like “are you sure you want me to stop?” , in the moment I thought she said beacuse my parents were home, so i did to sort of tease her and thinking that would make things spicier, she told me again and i stopped. This was out of character for me, and I recognize it, I don’t tend to break her boundaries but this time I did. We did some more stuff after I stopped touching her, and called it a night. The next day she commented to me that I hurt her , I told her that I was really sorry, that i really didn’t mean to . She mentioned that she did told me to stop and I didn’t, which brought some memories of a past relationship she had were she was hurt in that way . I kept saying that I was really really sorry, that in no way I meant to disrespect her like that, that I got carried away and thought that it was because there were people in the house . She says that it’s fine, that she knows I didn’t mean to, that she told so that I don’t do something like this again. Even though she says this, I can’t help but feel like I lost her trust in regards of being intimate, she usually isn’t completely comfortable with these situations , I just don’t wanna be the same as the other dude. I want to gain her trust again so that she can still feel safe with me . Am i overthinking? Should I listen to her and believe that it’s fine? How can I build her trust back so that she can feel safe again ?

You made an honest mistake that a lot of men have made, I believe you’re overthinking this situation, she told you everything was fine so try to believe her and learn from your mistake, when she says stop next time do it. Once the trust is lost or broken there is no getting it back. There is always going to be that sense of insecurity and doubt. Don't waste the next 5-10 years of your lives and just move on.


Hi everyone ! The most awkward thing and embarrassing thing happened. This is a new "relationship" of two months but I've known him for years since we were teens,now I'm 29F he is 32 M. Anyways we were play fighting and making jokes . He was teasing me and there was a plushy right next to me I grabbed it and playfully through it at him . Well I aimed bad and it fell on his hot tea which was right next to all his electronics . It fell all over his stuff plus on him. I literally didn't know what to do and he just got angry and rushed to his room. I started patting down the water with towels and he came with towels too and told me "to stop I've done enough". Then he played his laptop and the sound was all messed up . He got more angry and told me I should go . He walked me to my car and it was soo awkward and I felt so bad. I tried apologizing and he said " I need more self control ". Well on my way home he texted me saying he can't even charge his phone. I responded to him apologizing and told him I would help him with damages. He didn't respond . The next day he liked my story on Instagram but didn't say anything . I texted him to follow up and just said I'm checking in . He gave me a dry response I responded and then he stopped . Well it's been four days since the incident and idk what to do . I feel so bad but it was an accident he was playing with me too . What should I do? Tl,DR : I accidently dumped hot tea on boyfriends electronics and now hes not speaking to me . what to do ?

OOOOOOOF. I literally covered my mouth with my hand reading this story. I feel your PAIN. Hopefully, the initial anger subsides, especially since it was an accident and you’re clearly VERY sorry. You already apologized AND offered to help cover damages; you can’t turn back time to make the incident not happen. Some people need apologies to happen in different ways. You already tried a sincere apology and you tried to make it right. Perhaps you could try admitting carelessness, and promising to be more aware in the future? Obviously, you did not do anything intentionally, and this was a total mistake, but you DID throw a stuffed animal in a room with hot liquid near electronics. I recommend checking out the “apology languages” to see other methods that might work. And honestly, you DO feel really bad. It WAS an accident. You are trying to make it right. If he still is sour with you after all that, a future with him might not be in the cards. Sounds like he lost interest. Advice it to move on.


My boyfriend and I have been together, off & on, since we were 16. He's always said he's an ass guy & never been much interested in boobs but I've been wondering if he's just not attracted to mine. I'm 5'3, 115lbs, & have a nice ass but 32B/C boobs so they're like just proportional for my frame, maybe a tad small. He tells me he's attracted to them and he likes them but I feel like he just says that to not hurt my feelings. 1. he just never grabs them, looks at them, mentions them, etc. I've walked by him topless many times & he wouldn't take a second glance 2. pretty much only showed appreciation/attraction to them when they looked bigger than usual 3. his normal compliment for them was "they're a nice size for your body" 4. only thing he's said is a turn on for him about boobs is cleavage I even wore a push up bra for the first time, it didn't give me cleavage, & he didn't pay any attention to it 5. I think he got off to a girl w/ big boobs & cleavage on a show we were watching together 6. solely watched anime as a teenager so I wonder if that shaped his preferences 7. his ex before we got back together was his first gf w/ big boobs & lost his virginity to her so I wonder if it awoken something in him so is he fr just not much of a boob guy & im overthinking this or does it seem like he really only likes cleavage / big boobs? :/

Why are you so fixated on your boobs? What's the rest of the relationship like? Where's the real problem? Either way it sounds like you want him to be attracted to your boobs. I'd recommend, when appropriate, do a little strip number. Hump his leg, get some good subtle perfume on, good music, and gently beat his face up with your boobs. Some nice lingerie. If he cuddles into you, you're fine. If he pulls back, he doesn't like your boobs for some reason.


I'm a girl, and I'm not very good at the dating thing. I've met a guy on tinder who I might be meeting irl soon, but I'm scared of being rejected after the date and spiraling into self doubt at depression? Lol

keep in mind that you don’t know this dude so being rejected by him isn’t really such a big deal. just be sure to set boundaries for yourself and remind yourself that you are worthy of love and that everyone you meet won’t be your cup of tea and that’s valid and okay I mean, you have gone this long without him in your life. If he makes a quick exit, you’re no worse off than before. Don’t give someone power or influence on your life they haven’t earned.


So my very new Bf went out to a concert with his guy friends. I knew that some of his mates were inviting their gfs to this concert, and I was a bit upset that I wasn’t even asked if I wanted to go along with him but understood why . Anyway, he said he’d be a bit absent from texting, which was all good with me until he started continuously posting pictures and videos of the concert but all focused on this one particular girl that was right next to him . Now I tried to hold it in to clarify with him in the morning who that was, but as more pictures of them doing selfies close together and tagging exclusively each other in posts I kind of freaked out a little on him… I called him and asked him to explain who it was. It turned out to be the girlfriend of one of his mates. He got angry at me and said I should’ve known despite the fact that I’ve never once seen, met or heard of this mate’s girlfriend. Also, the boyfriend was no where to be seen in any of these posts so I genuinely couldn’t have just known. I just am so upset that he was continuously posting this stuff, ignoring my message and not just giving me a heads up message to clarify who the girl was, all on top of the upset of him making it obvious that I wasn’t invited. It really felt like he left me in the dark to overthink. I’ve apologised for freaking out but he’s just been really nasty about it and I don’t know how to address my feelings properly to him? What should I be saying?

If you've taken responsibility for actions and apologized and he is responding in a way that makes you uncomfortable cut your losses. Why is everyone acting like only posting pics of a girl and tagging each other isn't odd behavior. If it was everyone sure but no. Op is justified.


This may sound ridiculous to some people, but I have just never really been good at communicating. I am not good at small, talk, or asking questions or pretty much any type of communication. This is absolutely something that I know I need to grow in. My wife said it would mean a lot to her if I asked her more questions. For example, “how was your day Or “what were you thinking about today?” What are some other good questions that I can ask her to take an interest in her life and show her that I care?

You know when you were little and maybe you asked “why?” All the time? Thats basically what shes asking for but in an adult version, how was her day, she tells you x, you ask how she felt about x, she starts to vent, just agree with her and listen and eventually youll get invested enough where you start having questions and i think over time you do this more often and youll have deeper conversations so much more effortlessly. Just apply this to everything, i think as men we are so cool with just being and not really digging that we tend to not dig for our partner which is what we typically do when we’re first trying to be with them, ya know like you become more inquisitive cause its a new person, same thing with your spouse I think its more than just asking for asking's sake. I think she would genuinely want you to be interested as this is where it will show you care, so I would recommend taking the time to listen and ask more questions during the conversation. otherwise if you just ask 1 question then say "thats nice" and move on, it will be obvious you did it because you felt you needed to and you completed that goal rather than a genuine interest. That being said you can start with the easy classics to open up the conversation: - How was _____? - Do you have any plans for the day?/What are you up to today? - Hows your day going? All of these are conversation starters, the point is once she answers to then ask more and talk more. For Example: If you say Hows your day going, and she says GREAT, you can say, thats awesome, whats made it so great? And then she can tell you the great thing that happened or all the little good things going her way etc. Then just ask more questions during the conversation. I like to use the rule, if I dont know WHY somebody has done something, or likes something I ask them. For Example: If she says the day has gone great because she was able to paint her nails without messing them up. You could ask what her favourite colour of nailpolish is? Why is it hard to do them without messing them up? Does she enjoy doing her nails herself or getting them done? You will inadvertently learn alot about someome this way, you may come to learn, shes a perfectionist and hates when theres even the smallest detail wrong, or that her absolute favourite color is blue, or that she hates glitter in things. etc. Hope this helps!


New to Reddit so sorry if this is poorly written. Also apparently these stories sometimes end up in video and stuff, so I ask that if you see this story you don't use it in any internet content, or repost it or otherwise archive it. I just want to ask this question and then most likely delete it later. Thank you. So my problem is exactly as the post title states. We've been seeing each other pretty frequently for around a year now, and we met and were friends for a bit before that. About two months into seeing each other he told me he has IBS, and from what I've gathered since then it seems to be pretty severe. We've had to cancel a couple meet ups before because he wasn't feeling well, or to end things early for the same reason. Sometimes when we meet up he ends up having to use the bathroom due to diarrhea, and he always cleans up immediately after and is incredibly apologetic, especially when we're at my place. This is where my question comes in. A lot of the time he's really not feeling well afterwards, and sometimes he comes out exhausted and shaking. I feel really bad that he always cleans up after himself, and I wouldn't mind doing it at least sometimes or at least helping. I don't care if it's gross, if he's not feeling well it's the least I can do. The thing that makes things way more complicated is that we're friends with benefits, not formal romantic partners , and I don't want to make things too weird or awkward. He also has a lot of self worth type issues and I don't want to embarrass him or make him feel like I'm belittling him somehow. I just don't want him to have to feel like he needs to clean up the bathroom himself when he's already feeling awful. We have a generally good relationship and are really good friends, we've been there for each other through a lot by now. I don't want to mess things up, I just want to help him out with this since I genuinely wouldn't mind doing so. Any advice would really help.

That's really kind of you! As a person who has had some similar gastric issues, I would say to ask him if you can help afterwards but also be prepared to take his no for an answer. It IS embarassing and perhaps cleaning up gives him back a feeling of control that IBS can strip away. Good luck. I think that this is incredibly sweet and mature of you, and he will appreciate you offering. BUT, he may say no for the reasons you identify and please don't push the issue, just let it go. I really think he'll appreciate you offering and just tell him why like you wrote here.


Hello, i'm on the verge of breaking up because of this and I need urgent advice. College students, have been dating for almost two years. He does not plan or take initiative in many things -When he will see me next time if we are in different states etc - Any dates, anniversaries, occasions, i have to choose the time, the place, the reservation - When his family came over to see him , their rental car broke down and they couldn't drive to us to have dinner together. He thought "it's okay I guess" and didn't think it was weird although I talk to his siblings often and have talked with his family before. We come from traditional backgrounds where it is customary/respectful to meet a partner's family and he did not put a care into it. I had to organize with HIS best friend to drive up to them so we can all meet. - I am the one planning where we are subleasing for housing etc - Says he wants to stay in my state but has not applied to a single job and he is graduating in a few months - "scared" to tell his family he wants to move out to my state and has been putting it off for a year. On the other hand he does not have malicious intentions and is not "playing me". I'm his first relationship, and he is sweet in all other aspects. When we had a rough time I told him he should talk to a therapist/coach about his defensiveness and he did in fact do so I am tired of telling him exactly what I want him to do and feeling like i need to micromanage this relationship. I grew up in a really rough atmosphere and I sometimes just want someone to take the reigns from me but I feel like it has become impossible. I legit sat down with him and told him what has he ever taken initiative for in this relationship and it was only a game he picked out for us to play once... His reaction when I told him all of this is coming up with a reason for everything. Why didnt you plan xyz: i didnt know i should, it was to early, i care for you in other ways etc... I feel like even if he does change now it is only after i poured my heart out and stressed so much to get him to change

You can’t drag a partner through life no matter how sweet they are. Hey there, it sounds like you've been carrying a lot of weight in your relationship. Feeling like you're always the one planning and making decisions can be exhausting, especially when you're looking for someone who takes initiative. It's great that he's sweet, but relationships thrive on mutual effort. You've been clear about your needs, which is important. It might be worth discussing again to see if he's willing to step up without needing constant reminders. Ultimately, you deserve someone who values your time and actively participates in building a future together. Take some time to think about what's best for you.


So, for context I have been seeing this guy for a month or so now who I am really into . We have spent every weekend together and a day through the week most weeks if we have time between work commitments etc. Whenever I see him I feel like infatuated with him, he's just everything I could ever ask for in a man, loads of common interests, he's handsome as fuck, funny and the butterflies and nerves kick in more than I've ever experienced. I am normally not one for thinking before I speak but I just don't want to mess this up or come on too strong. I know he's still on bumble/tinder etc, I am not because after a week or 2 of continuously seeing/speaking to someone that I've clicked with, I'd rather put all my time into one person not multiple. I have no idea if he's still actively speaking to anyone else, nor do I feel like it's any of my business. But this is where my conscience kicks in and makes me wonder when the right time is to bring up like exclusivity or whether that's even what he's after? I'm more than happy to just see where it goes and just spend as much time with him as possible but I'm use to men and the novelty wearing off as soon as they find a better option so I guess I'm just afraid of getting more wrapped up because I'm already feeling more things that I'd want to be at this point 🙈 Any advice, similar situations or constructive criticism will be appreciated 😅

Yall both need to have a talk about what it is that you want between y’all, communicate where you both are mentally so you can get an idea of where his head is at and so he knows where you are at. Rule of thumb is 10 dates or 3 hookups, whichever comes first.


M seeking F Was wondering which app is the best to avoid Romance scammers. should one just go ahead and choose apps that require subscriptions?

What is romance scammers? Think it changes by age and other factors. I would give more specifics to inform the answer.


A few weeks ago, I met a friend of friends at the university. We chatted a bit and got along well, and I suggested going for a drink sometime. We ran into each other again recently, and he suggested having lunch together on Friday. The fact that he accepted my proposal to meet one-on-one makes me think he might also be interested. But at the same time, the idea of lunch seems more like a friendly get-together than my initial proposal to go for a drink. Should I see this as a subtle way for him to let me know that it's purely a friendly meeting?

It's possible sure, but I think it's always best not to read too deep between the lines. You're right in that a lunch can be seen more casually, but anything is possible. Not enough context to really tell, but it depends on if he goes for it or not when you do meet him. You never mentioned if you are interested in him or not


Hello! I'm a younger guy thats wondering about good places to meet someone? I've never liked the idea of dating apps and I'm not a big fan of social media, but that just seems to be the way everyone meets now. I've also never been big on partying or the bar scene. I come from a small town and I'm very active within my community, but most of the people I meet through community service projects are much older than myself. I also have a couple of hobbies but I rarely meet girls through them, and it seems like the ones I do meet are in a relationship. I've been single for a little while now and I'm ready to meet someone, but I just don't really know where to go. In my previous relationships I've always met girls through friends or family, and those situations always just happened naturally, but now I rarely meet anyone new like that. So if you guys could recommend some places to check out I would greatly appreciate it!

Any hobbies you want to learn? Maybe a local class? Go to the supermarket bar with a wingman/woman, or just alone. You don’t have to “drink drink”. Try improv class or some other community activity that draws younger people in. Your post super resonates and I’m not much of a bar/club person either but my friends and I are planning a club night just to see. Take dancing classes, or go to dance events on meetup. How far are you from a city? Can you just venture out a little bit?


I was married for 7 years from 2012-2019. I was treated poorly in every aspect. Verbally abused pretty bad and controlled in alot of ways. But I was used to it and it was my normal and I thought it was normal. After my divorce I met some men casually. But it’s been two years since I’ve tried to get out there. I finally got back out there and wow. I didn’t know this was the correct way to treat someone. He cares about things, my wants and dislike and genuinely takes me into consideration. He doesn’t yell or get mad or negate the way I feel. The way I cook, the way I do things he likes it and does not downgrade me. It seems like he actually really loves me. Even sexually. He is always kissing me, holding my hand, touching my butt when he can when no one is near, kissing my neck, touching my leg when he’s driving, kissing everywhere and not trying to have sex every time. He just wants to be close to me and feel me. Not looking to have sex every single time and it feels good for him to want to want to just kiss me all around and enjoy it. He’s an amazing kisser and we just enjoy it together and touching each other.

Sounds like a great guy. I'm glad you're happy. Since you're not asking for advice I won't give any, and I hope the relationship continues to go well and progresses over time and it will be long term and everything that you want it to be. I’ve had this too. She was both anxious attachment & touch oriented person as am I and when you find each other it’s incredibly enveloping and special. Like a constant literal warm hug. Congrats and enjoy 😊


I 36/F have been dating 35/M for the last month but we have years knowing each other prior. Dates have been great, chemistry has been great. We have similar looks on life and for the future. However, he is not able to finish with me. Today I asked if he’s been able to finish with other women, that he may have been seeing the last month and he’s been able to. He feels like we may not be sexually compatible, but we get horny for each other every single time. He just doesn’t finish with me. This is the first time I’ve gone through this, most of my relationships in the past have been sexual leading. The main part of them is the sex. So I at least had that, but now it’s the first time someone can’t with me. He expresses he has feelings for me and we can spend a lot of time together but he just can’t cum with me. He’s not sure if he can get there with me but has these strong feelings for me too. I just feel very confused. My ego is a little hurt too. My self esteem feels off.

This is interesting to be honest, is he not into it completely? Has he had issues in the past? This happens to me sometimes. It's just nerves. I rarely watch porn and use a very loose grip solo - so none of the usual culprits.


There’s always so much talk and support about being cheated on and infidelity from the viewpoint of the partner being cheated on. I never see much about the devastation of finding out you’re the other woman Being misled from the beginning, forming a bond that you now have to accept as fake. I, 34/F was dating “Nate” 32/M for about 1yr. I am now finding out that Nate was in a 4-year relationship the whole time and his partner 33/F was even pregnant while we were intimate. I don’t know how to feel. I know I shouldn’t miss something that was never real or genuine, and I shouldn’t want someone like that. Still, the thought of them together, working it out, and him discarding me like nothing still hurts. I guess it’s natural when you thought you had something special with someone. And I truly loved him. Part of me wishes she’d leave because he doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship after doing that to me, but it’s not my call what another woman chooses to put up with. This was no casual fling or one night stand. I hate feeling like nothing, like they still have each other, their own family and I’m left with all the pain while he gets off unscathed. We have not spoken since I revealed that I know the truth and exposed him. I’m not surprised, that was just for context. It’s just an unfair situation that I don’t see talked about much. I just want to reiterate that I had no idea, and this is all coming out over a year later. I’d never willingly be the other woman and then cry about it. I didn’t know.

*I know I shouldn’t miss something that was never real or genuine* It was real and genuine. For you. And that's what matters. You didn't do anything wrong. He did. Just because he's incapable of empathy, has no respect or decency, doesn't have genuine feelings, and lied to and manipulated you, has no bearing on you or your character. I've been the woman who was cheated on, manipulated, lied to, and so many more horrible things by a man I was madly in love with, planning to marry, and who I found out, after years of being together, that he pretended to be sick with the same incurable illness that I have just to get me to talk to him and go on a date with him. There are predators in this world, and I'm so sorry you've met one. Don't drive yourself crazy thinking that he's some great guy to his girlfriend. Feel sorry for her. He trapped her with a baby, lies, and manipulations. She is a victim, too, whether she realizes it yet or not. He put her in the most vulnerable position a woman can ever be in. You don't know what he says to her, how he treats her, or what she knows about the real him. You've seen his true self. Thank God every single day that you did and that your life is saved from this man. Yes. Your heart hurts right now, and it should be because you're a loving, caring, mentally stable human being who actually feels things and has emotional intelligence. Your ex will never understand what that's like because he uses people to satisfy selfish, twisted needs, and when he's done with them, he throws them away like trash. Be thankful that you're not like him. Don't let this man win by making you bitter, turning your heart cold, or becoming someone you don't recognize. Learn, heal, and grow. Let this experience empower you and show you how strong you are. )) He lied to you so many times over - you are a victim in his messed up game just like his partner. I’m sorry it happened to you and that you’re grieving the potential of a relationship that was built on lies and are left picking up the pieces. Did you tell his partner?? She’s also building a life outta lies.


I recently graduated college. During college, I dated someone for about a year. We broke up 10 months ago, and ever since then I have thought of her very often. I think about her in passing at least once a day. We had some issues in our relationship, but I broke up with her over a specific situation. A few months ago I met someone new and we began seeing each other, but have not labelled the relationship. She is everything I could want in a partner. A few weeks ago, I received information about the situation my ex and I broke up over that made me realize that I was completely in the wrong. I had always felt regretful about ending the relationship, but that made it 10x worse. I reached out to her after a long period of no contact. She gave me some closure but was absolutely not interested in getting back together. I was absolutely crushed. But things have been getting better, even if I still think about my ex a lot. Meanwhile, things have been getting more serious with Sue and she has been hinting she wants our relationship to be official soon. I have feelings for Sue, but I also have a lot of regret for ending my relationship with my ex. I know the right thing to do is to break things off, but it feels dumb to do so when Sue has treated me super well and is someone that I would want to date.

Just be open and honest, you need to fully let go before dragging someone else into your life which you don’t feel 100% certain with. Don’t waste Sue’s time. Look at your last relationship as a learning experience. Maybe it’s taking you longer to get over it because you held on to the idea of getting back together. As time goes on, you will get over it.


I’ve 35M been seeing this woman 50F for almost 2 years. It’s been great so far, she takes very good care of me, our place we live in together and cooks for us almost every night. I also cook for myself a lot too as I eat a lot. She does most of the housework and I will admit I should be putting in more effort towards these chores. About a month ago she started giving me the silent treatment after an argument, in the argument I ended up getting a bit stern and told her it’s very rude to ignore someone in the middle of conversation thus the silient treatment starting. She went to work the next day and wouldn’t allow me to pick her up, I believe she skipped work and went and gambled her money away somewhere as I could hear wind in the phone like she was waiting outside for the bus somewhere. We had a long phone call where she said basically nothing as I repeatedly asked where she was and if she was coming home I ended up staying up till midnight that night waiting for her and when I finally gave up and went to bed she was there sleeping already. I didn’t get home until about 8pm that night so there is a chance she was there the whole time or she snuck in while I was cooking. This was a few months ago. The next day she was fine and over it as was i. Two days ago she admitted to recently gambling all of her money away and wouldn’t tell me how much, I’m guessing 3-6k. She stated she wouldn’t have her share of rent money and needed to borrow 900 to send home to her family. I told her if we went and signed out of the casinos for two years together I would do it. Then yesterday she did the same thing as last time, wouldn’t let me pick her up and on the phone I could hear wind. Saying she would stay at work and work the next day, which is usually her day off. I asked her if she’s staying there forever and she said maybe. She wouldn’t tell me anything. I asked what I did to deserve this and she went silent. This morning she texts me good morning as if nothing is wrong to which I replied with How do I navigate my partners addiction, im not going to break up with her in her critical condition right now but how much can a guy take ? I know people need their personal time but can’t I be given some sort of explanation ? How many red flags do you guys see here, maybe it’s time I find someone my own age, I have no one to talk to about this, looking for honest opinions as I’m wracking my brain trying to figure this out. Thanks in advance.

Holy shit. This reads like she's more ur mommy then ur partner. She takes very good care of u? This woman's 15 yrs older than u and is running off to gamble? Bro what are u doing. So many red flags. I seriously hope your finances are fully separate - no joint accounts, no authorized user on your cards, etc - because she will burn through everything you have. She sounds mentally unwell. To be 50 and running away and giving the silent treatment? To gamble away 3-6k so quickly? Needing to borrow from her bf to pay rent? If you were married that would be considered financial infidelity. I’m going to be honest… I don’t think I could stay with a boyfriend who acted like that. I don’t think I could sit by and watch a boyfriend blow up their life through a gambling addiction. I’d probably make him an ex-boyfriend unless he put himself into addiction treatment and showed me through his actions that he was trying with his whole heart to heal/deal with the addiction and change the way he treated me.


My aunt reached out to me and my sister the other day, and asked us if we were free to hang out with her and some of our cousins. We said yes. These plans came up while talking to my mom, who got upset and said that my sister and I were not allowed to go and actually forbade us from going. Back story: apparently on the last trip my parents took a few months ago, my aunt made plans with my other aunts and did not invite my parents. I believe my aunt told my other aunts to not mention it to my parents. My mom was hurt and to my understanding is in an unspoken fight with my aunt. My mom also said that my aunt was not invited to MY wedding next year, and that if my aunt attends she will not go to my wedding. My mom pulled a similar stunt at my sibling’s wedding years ago, and threatened to not attend that wedding the night before. I’m writing this because I don’t know what to do and I’m really starting to get annoyed with getting caught in the middle of family drama. It’s isolating and in my opinion life is too short to latch onto negativity. I feel like if I don’t put my foot down now, it’s going to enable this authoritarian type relationship. If I do put my foot down, I risk shattering my relationship with my mom. I’m an adult, I don’t live in her house, I have a full time job. I have mostly always listened to my mom for small things to keep the peace because I do feel she feels the need to be in control and in charge, but as I’m getting older her attempts to control me and my decisions are annoying, immature, and tiring. I do feel like she treats me and my siblings as pawns and as an extension of herself rather than our individual selves sometimes; I know she loves and cares about us but she pulls these stunts sometimes and it is emotionally and mentally tiring. I do love her and care about her, but I know her personality and our relationship is complex. Should I give in and listen to her or put my foot down?

YOU'RE 28 YEARS OLD. Go and see your aunt. You’re an adult. It’s time for mom to start acting like one as well.


Went on a date with a guy last week and it went well. He asked if I’d like to do it again and I said yes. I thought he’d maybe ask me out for the following week as I know he has his son every other weekend. When the end of the week approached and he hadn’t asked I broached the subject and he said he didn’t want to suggest a date in case he had to cancel as he’s quite busy and he probably won’t be able to arrange anything for a month. Am I wrong to feel that he’s not that into me as surely he could spare an hour for a coffee date in that time

yeah when i hear that line from women who say they wont be available for the next few weeks, i dont really take them too seriously. Hey, people got lives and he could also be seeing other women. If he wants to see you, he’ll reach out.


I’m a 33F Asian ‘happily’ married to a 33M Asian. We have been dating for about 7 years prior to marriage. My husband has been really amazing. He really loves me . He is also good looking. I mean he is literally everything you can ask for in a man except for when it comes to sex! I am a very open minded person, I assumed we never had sex before marriage as he respected our culture. Unfortunately it has been a sexless marriage for the past 5 years. Initially I’ve been extremely frustrated but shy to bring this issue up. The one time I confronted him, it became an argument and quickly made me feel like I’m not cultured enough for bringing this topic up. He even said at multiple occasions that marriage is not about sex. He gave multiple reasons for refusal- claiming he feels extremely ticklish & he does not know what to do . The most we have done is kiss. Whenever I touch him further he pushes me away saying he is ticklish. And if I go further he says I’m purposely doing it knowing that he can’t take it. We have never even seen each other naked. And honestly whatever love that I had for him has been wearing off. I can’t even recall when I last initiated kissing him because I know that it’s not going to become anything more intimate. Most of the time I’m just wondering if he is gay. I’ve confronted him once about it and it pissed him off. And there was once he said it’s because we are not ready to have kids. I mean how dumb can a person be to know that having sex is not equal to wanting to have kids now. Also being an Asian, his mother has been bugging me on when I’m going to give her grandkids. I’ve been focusing on my career and let this past trying to not let it haunt me. However it is getting more and more frustrating as I am a very sensual person. I do not know how to bring it up anymore as everytime I talk about it, the isn’t any conclusion. I mean it’s been so many years, anyone else would have left the relationship. I don’t even know why I’m staying- like I said except for absence of sex; he is really a gem. What should I do? I pretty much know communication is the key solution; but it is so hard to communicate about this.

He's either gay, asexual, not attracted to you, or has some serious trauma he has not addressed. At this point you just need to sit down with him and say explicitly, "I am not happy in a sexless relationship. We need to talk about why you don't want to have sex with me and if that is ever going to change." I know it's hard but it's literally the only way you're going to get a clear answer. Don't let him deflect or refuse to discuss it. If he absolutely WILL NOT talk about it or he claims he'll try but nothing changes, that is his answer. No shame in ending a marriage with no intimacy. Tell him if things don't change, you gotta go. You can either choose to continue to be shy about this , or start having the hard conversation.


Hey everyone, Well this is my first time posting on Reddit. Well I met this guy through a mutual friend, and it's been only three days since we started talking to each other and we haven't met in real life yet. On the first day of texting, he kinda seemed nice and sweet, but out of nowhere he asked me if I could be his forever and if we could make this journey together to which I told him that we should slow down as I didn't want to rush things up. And after just two days, he texted me that he loves me a lot, misses me, and wants me so badly which made me feel a bit uncomfortable. We are not even officially dating yet, and he's already asking if I would leave him by any chance. This really made me feel a bit uncomfortable. Is this normal, or am I right to feel uneasy about this situation? Is it a red flag? Thanks for your advice!


My boyfriend is currently on a family vacation to a place I’ve longed to visit for years. We’ve been together for nearly a year now, and he’s told me serval times how much he doesn’t enjoy going on family vacations and in fact, hardly ever does. This time around I was told he’s being forced to go as his mom booked his flight for him, and like idk. That genuinely pissed me off. I guess I’m jealous? His family is very close knit and come from a well off place, whereas I’ve got no siblings, don’t speak to my aunts or uncles and cousins, absent father, etc. and have always been very lower class. I’ve been busting my ass for years to get to where I can take vacations out of the country for myself, but with inflation and everything going on now it’s very hard. Anyway, I just I don’t know how to feel. The family always invites his sibling’s partner and they go on family vacations, but I didn’t get so little as an invite which has me wondering if I’m even liked by the family, or they just know I can’t afford it. and then I guess I’m just fucking jealous. My boyfriend wasn’t happy to go which made me more angry cause he sounded so fucking entitled. God forbid he has to go on an all paid vacation with a loving family to a GORGEOUS place on this planet, you know? I’m trying to be my normal loving self to him and talk to him like normal. He says he misses me while he’s out there and is telling me that he will do his best to send me pictures and stuff to make me feel like I’m there with him, and while it’s sweet and so considerate of him it makes me more angry. What should I do? How can I be pretend to be fine and message him like normal when deep down I’m VERY unhappy? I love this man with my whole entire heart, and wish him the best. I genuinely want him to have fun and enjoy his time out there, he deserves it. What can I say or do to not ruin his trip? I don’t want to show him how I’m feeling cause it’s not fair to him. TIA

You seem to understand that your boyfriend is not in the wrong which is already one step in the right direction. Oftentimes, Redditors look at the situation from an ideal perspective and expect you to be healthiest version of yourself, but at the end of the day, we're all just humans and need some constructive - rather than destructive - advice. I also face this problem in my relationship, and I'm sure a lot of people on here have. Don't worry, you're not alone. A good way with working through jealously, especially in a relationship, is by keeping yourself occupied and forcing yourself not to fall into the trap of self-pity. You are also gifted and blessed in many ways, it's just harder to see this when the people around you seem to have it better. God knows how boring these family vacations might be for your boyfriend or maybe his family criticizes him or there is obvious favoritism - there are several reasons why your boyfriend may hate this trip and if you were in his exact position, you would probably hate it too. Grass is always greener on the other side - staying busy will help you only focus on your grass! Likewise, it's always important to communicate your feelings to your partner so that they are more understanding of you and open communication is always important. Obviously don't make it his problem, but if he is truly understanding , he will help you feel better! I hope you work through this! You just have to get over it. It’s literally a you problem because no one has done anything wrong and there’s no “solution” here. You need to deal with your own jealousy and stop projecting it onto other people


So, I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that despite my best attempts, i’m definitely a nerd, and i enjoy being a nerd. With that realization has come the epiphany that i really like nerdy girls, too. My question is this: Where do I find nerdy girls?? There’s no dating app , and the only place that we nerds gather is in virtual spaces . If nobody else has any ideas, I’m just going to start wearing a Gojo costume into anime conventions .

I am sorry, I don't have enough experience to help you out here, I used to be very social, but this anti-social culture has taken its toll. I just want to tell you, great job on being yourself, never change. I hope everything works out for you! that last idea you have doesn't seem that bad tbh, women love Gojo lmao. Nerdy girls are easy to find actually, the problem is having them like you


Hi! :) I’m 25 F, and I have had the worst luck trying to find a partner. I have had one serious relationship which ended a year ago. I really only use dating apps because going out is hard for me since I have bad anxiety and not many friends. The last three or four guys I’ve talked to have ghosted me or had started texting less and less until it was nothing. I don’t think I’m too bad looking, I have a stable job, my own place, I think I have a good personality, kind of funny, and I’m very independent. I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong or how I can fix it. I’m getting super discouraged and would like any advice anyone can give! I’m not desperate, but I really just want someone to start settling down with and give love to . Again, any advice would be appreciated! Thanks for reading :)

Why did your serious relationship end? Without seeing how the texting went, really hard to pinpoint to an issue. AS a male, this has happened multiple times---started texting with someone, it was going well, and suddenly, gone. Never knew what really happened. I even showed my texting to my female friends and they were also baffled as to why the other person stopped texting, other than, she found somebody else. On my last venture on dating apps, took me about 1.5 years to find my current gf. There were some discouraging times, but kept on trucking as they say. Maybe as the cliché says, gotta keep on trying, being patient and soon, you'll have somebody. In fact, the woman I'm seeing now...of all the dates I had, it was the least likely I thought to have actually developed into something. First date went meh, and we jus kept in touch to make fun of online dating, but kept on doing some activities together until i guess we realized, this is not too bad...let's date again....😀


I live in an apartment building, where lots of people get along and approaching neighbours isn't unusual. Some people go for a smoke together etc. I have had few chats with like, 3 people I think. One of them has knocked on my door asking for a matches, for example. So few days ago in the evening there is a knock and I assume it's someone asking for a salt or something like that. Opened the door and there is a guy I have talked to briefly twice I think. Absolutely nothing flirty or sexual, not even close. Without any intro, he asked if I want to have sex. I am very reserved and introverted and tend to get into freeze mode when I'm shocked. So I just stared and he kept saying something. Finally I managed to say that I don't do that, I don't sleep with strangers. I mean, yes, I could have said no and slammed the door shut, but that is what my brain thought is appropriate to say. He sayd something else and I think he said he would go for a wash and come back later. Again, I just stood there, trying to understand what the heck is going on. He left and I closed my door. Tbh, I was quite shocked. He actually came back, several times to knock. I said nothing, just hoped he would leave. I will see him again, he lives here too. What can I say the next time I see him? I find it very difficult to talk to people and only do it if someone approaches me in a friendly and safe manner. I want to make sure he gets the message that this question was extremely inappropriate, harassing and I am not interested. Tldr. Neighbour I don't know very well knocked on my door and asked if I want have sex. I panicked, he left. What to say hi when I see him next time, so he would understand this is unwanted.

This is extremely inappropriate, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I dealt with a similar situation and here’s what I did. Alerted the property/ leasing manager immediately. He has probably done this to other women. Delivered a written letter under the guys door saying that was inappropriate, unwarranted, and told him to never speak a word to me again. I told him if he passed me in the hall, just ignore me. No words are to be exchanged. Idk what warrants a police report - in my situation there was nothing I could report. But this was effective for me. He never spoke to me again. Consider moving if he doesn’t leave you alone. Nothing more important than your safety If its uncomfortable and difficult for you to talk to him about it in person, then maybe put a note through his letterbox.


I'm 25 old guy staying in Hyderabad. I have been using bumble and tinder since 1 year. Still no use. Give your suggestions?? If anyone interested for hookups, Please DM

Being physically attractive, having low standards, and having a good tinder profile that shows you’re physically attractive are the bare minimum to get matches with an emphasis on hookups I don’t advocate for the hookup lifestyle. But you need to do an *honest* self assessment and see where you need to improve your profile.


I have a friend who said hes coming to visit my area and asked to meet up twice as i said the first time i would think about it, i said yes and he asked me if i would like to watch all the Harry Potter movies together then asked if ild like to watch all of them with him. I dont think he sees me as more then a friend so thats not it as he mentioned liking someone else.

honestly just sounds like he wants to netflix and chill with you in the majority of cases when you think a guy see's you just as a friend he's just being scummy and acting that way so he can find an in with you not so weird asking if you want to watch 1 movie you both enjoy together.. 8 is a bit much that's like a 20 hour commitment but hey maybe he just really loves harry potter idk the guy I think it’s a great way to become more than friends. But let things happen naturally.


Okay, so my boyfriend and I come from really different backgrounds. I’m a European Muslim ‘23F’ he’s a Caribbean Catholic ‘23M’. We’re both from New York City. We have been together for 3 years. The women he’s dated before me have all been petite, Hispanic women with tattoos and long black hair. I ‘23F’ am a tall, pale white woman with short brown hair. His instagram following has always been women that are “his type” even though he’s always denied having a type. One time I asked him what made his ex girlfriend more attractive than me and he said “I mean you’re both pretty but she’s short and Colombian” and that made me feel really insecure. He has also said similar things to this in the past. For example: he once said he watches mainly Latina porn It was months ago and it makes me wanna cry every time I think about it. I can’t mention it to him anymore because I’ve already brought it up so many times and he always says “I didn’t mean it like that” I do know he loves me but I think he fell in love with my personality. I don’t think I’m his “dream girl” if that makes sense. It kinda makes me hate everything about myself. I’ve started growing out my hair to be long, dying it jet black, got lip fillers, started going to the gym more, dress different than I normally do, got small tattoos and piercings. He does try to reassure me that he loves me for who I am. But it just doesn’t feel that way. If I walked into a room with all his former girlfriends, I know he wouldn’t pick me. He 23M keeps denying having a type but it drives me crazy because I know he does and I know I am not his type. I feel more insecure than ever. I’ve even started changing my appearance. How to resolve this ?

I was taught a valuable lesson at 40 yrs old... I was single after 20 yrs of being married. I learned to navigate the dating apps, in my opinion, that they are not a good way to meet people.. However, if it wasn't for POF, I wouldn't be married. I've known my husband for over 35 yrs. We both had long marriages, then divorced... I actually made his wedding cake when he got married. We kept in touch until our 30s. I came across his profile on POF... I thought cool! We can be each other's wingman or he has single friends. I invited him to hang out. He was sooo not my type. Sleeve tattoos, ears pierced, shaved head, hard working blue collar worker. He had a mohawk in one photo, and his user name had 420... I thought he was some stoner guy... even though I smoke cannabis, I was a hypocrite. It turns out he is exactly my type. We love the same things and have the same hobbies. He makes excellent money, and his bday is 420... he doesn't smoke and smells so good to me, I want to bite him. There is no such thing as a "type"... you're judging others stereotypically and not as individuals. You need to focus on your self-respect, not comparing yourself to women you know nothing about. How many girls have you met that are beautiful... but really awful on the inside? How many girls do you know that aren't conventionally beautiful but are so beautiful on the inside that you look past any flaws. You have to love yourself before you can truly be loved by someone else. Know your value and that you have a hell of a lot more to offer than a few tattoos and dyed hair. He does like you. He's attracted to you. He chooses you. The problem here is you, and it's not your looks. You resolve it by working on loving yourself and seeing yourselves as a unique individual who is worthy of love. Thinking about people as types is lazy, shallow bullshit. We might have traits we are attracted to - but you fall in love with a whole person.


Just so we are clear it's not her V that smells bad. It's a actually odorless and I love to go down. But for some reason while we are having sex her bedsheet smell kind of like my armpit after a long day. I have also noticed her clothes smell like this as well. She is from a third world country so I'm not sure if maybe it's what they use to wash their clothes, or maybe it's all the Nair she applies to her whole body... which I know for a fact can make sweat smell like sulfur. Is there a polite way of pointing this out because I think she is unaware. I really do love her though. And just for context I'm from a third world as well. It's just that she is fresh off the boat if you know what I mean.

Sounds like Nair is the culprit. Any chance it's a musty smell like the sheets were left in the washer too long?


so I met this girl at a convenient store, we kinda liked each other first glance and I decided to give it a shot and it worked, we texted a lot but due to my social awkward, I rarely spoke XD, we meetup at cafe net but I rarely talk, so I man up and ask her like if she would like to grab some snack outside but she said no, I shocked for a bit and decide to go out and eat sth myself cuz shit was so awkward if some1 doesn't talk, the moment I return she was already gone XDDD, should I ask her to go to the movie next time

sure. it probably won’t work though She said no, leave her alone and move on to someone else. You don’t know her situation and why she said but ultimately shes not interested in you and thats ok. Find a woman that is interested in you, don’t double back after you were already rejected.


Hi, me 23F have been dating my bf 23M for 5 years now. Recently, everything has been great and I was prepared to move in together until I finally learned the truth. At the beginning of our relationship, he cheated on me with his ex who at the time was 23F and he was 18M. For years, I alway had my doubts but he made me believe nothing happened between them. He was still in love with his ex and talking to her almost daily the first two years of our relationship Whenever I asked if he ever cheated the answer was always "why don't you trust me? Why would I ever cheat on you?" We've been through so much together and I wholeheartedly love him but I'm stuck. Do i break up with the man who has lied and manipulated me these past 5 years? Or should I stick around hoping he'll change and we can move last this? This was probably the third biggest lie I have encountered in the relationship but I'm holding onto hope and the love I have for him. I don't have anyone in my personal life to talk to about this so any advance is helpful. Thank you

So he cheated, lied and gaslit u for 5 years and ur wondering If u should stay with this asshole? The *third* biggest lie ? What were the other 2 ? I wouldn't put up with being lied to.


I am 25 and i dated with many guys. Finally i got person who really loves me and he thinks I am virgin. What i need to do? Advice me? Shall I told my past things?

So you are admitting that you want to lie to Mr. Perfect, and I also expect that you will be upset if he finds out. Be honest, or you aren't even worth his time, and he will eventually figure that out. Why can't you be honest and tell you are not a virgin ... to a guy who really loves you? Why is it that not telling him the truth is even an option?


I´m very confused right now. I hooked up with a guy for several years. Weeks ago I asked him if it could lead to more than this and I told him that I wanted more than this and explained that I have feelings for him. He was very vague when it came to an answer, but our contact was dead after that. We didn´t text anymore, nothing. I was okay with it and started dating again. I found a serious guy and things are going well, we went on a few dates and he is looking for a long term relationship. My ex fwb must have heard about him, idk. But he texted me tonight..asking if we can talk. He regrets the things he said and is open to more. What do I need to do now? This can't be true. Is it normal to change your mind when you find out she is dating someone else??? The new guy is serious and safe . With my ex fwb I'm feeling like, what can I expect now again . I would like to explore things more serious with my fwb. Advice about this please. Has anyone ever been in such a situation? Or has anyone ever been like my ex fwb?

[deleted] Please dont go back! Alot of times guys do this because they don’t want anyone else to have you! He’ll probably say anything and do everything to get you back but please stick with this serious guy!


If I was the partner, I would want to know. I have a friend who cheated on their partner and I am still friends with them and did not tell their partner at the time. I carry this secret with them. I wonder how people would have handled the situation differently has it been their friend.

I would just shut up / but tell my friend what i think of it. This is too open a question to have a one size fits all answer. How close am I to this friend? How close am I to their partner? How long have they been together? Are they just dating or are they married? Do they have kids? Was this a one off mistake or a pattern of cheating? Did my friend tell me this in confidence because they felt guilty about what they did? Or were they bragging cause they got away with it? Have I wanted my friend to break up with a toxic partner for a while? Or is their partner someone I have a lot of value and respect for? Ultimately I'd rather not know then be put in a situation where I have to live with the knowledge that my friend cheated.


I hope this doesn't come off as shallow. I've been married to my wife for over 20 years. We have one kid that's in college. When we were first married my wife and I enjoyed working out together, we hiked and biked and were very active. When my son was born, we continued to be active and still exercised together. About 5 years ago she stopped exercising and doing anything active. Since then, she has gained over 45 lbs. and has really let herself go. She doesn't wear any makeup anymore and even her hair is always a mess. She even refuses to shower, when it's obvious that she should. I thought at first it was depression, and we went to a couple doctors, and she insists it isn't depression and the doctors agreed with her. She insists she just doesn't care about her appearance anymore. She doesn't ever wear anything attractive, even if we go out for dinner or on a date. The problem is I do care about appearance. I take care of myself physically and dress appropriately. I feel nothing for her physically and we never have sex, because I was always the initiator. I've tried to get her to exercise, and she doesn't want to. We tried hiking and because she is so out of shape she turned around after 15 minutes. I don't know what to do. I'm too young to live in a marriage where my partner doesn't care about appearance or sex.

Has she had her hormone levels checked? Maybe its perimenopause. You should gently suggest that she speak with her Ob/Gyn about it since HRT can help with mood and energy, and help keep aging bone strong. Frame it around health and longevity rather than appearance. Have you had a very frank discussion with her, and while a couple of doctors say she is okay, maybe you have not gone to good ones, or ones that are appropriate for this diagnosis. She needs to see a mental health professional, and a good and qualified one. Failing to perform basic hygiene practices is NOT normal. Acts of intimacy are normal and healthy in marriage. Your wife needs to be made aware that you love her, but have needs that are not being met, and you are not happy right now, and want to know why she does not want to be intimate with you. This may help her recognize that she has lost confidence in herself due to her appearance, or that something is not right with her mental health and she needs help.


So for some background about me, I’ve only had two relationships previously, both long term that lasted 4+ years. The first one was typical school dating, holding hands and first kisses. The second one was much more serious, we were each others first everything. It was a really deep relationship that sort of abruptly ended about 8 months ago. My current boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 2 months. He’s the sweetest, most understanding, loyal, loving and selfless person I’ve ever met. We just clicked out of nowhere and have been attached since, despite still working through our own issues. I never thought I was the insecure type until I started dating him however, he’s told me all about his past relationships and can go on and on about crazy sex stories or drug stories. Honestly, it makes me feel a little insecure that he’s had so many more partners than me, and so much more life experience. Like, i don’t judge him..and he doesn’t compare me to any of his ex’s, or even talk about them unless brought up. But a part of me feels like I’m in a competition. I feel embarrassed that he’s a lot of my firsts and I’m none of his. I’m just looking for advice on how to get over this weird feeling. TDRL: bf has way more life experience and I feel embarrassed that I don’t and can’t give him the same feelings he gives me

It’s only been 2 months. Just remember the way he speaks about his past is how he will speak about you. You feel that way for a reason you are trying you protect yourself but you refuse to listen to yourself. Trust your intuition and all the signs.


I’m 26 , the girl I’m dating is 23 . I’ve been talking to this girl for about six months told me that she deleted her Instagram and deactivated it. I ended up finding out that she still has her Instagram and I just assumed that she probably just deleted the app and doesn’t use it anymore. Then I see that later on she still has one and is active on it because she recently followed somebody around two hours after she told me that she doesn’t have one. I honestly don’t know why she would lie to me. I have never once said anything about her having one or not and it obviously would not be an issue for me if she did. So I asked her again the next day if she really doesn’t have one just to be sure. She again told me she deactivated it. She blatantly lied to my face. I haven’t confronted her on it but I really don’t know what to do in this situation. What would be the reasons she would lie about this? And what would be the best way to go about this situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Just say you came across it and ask her why she felt the need to lie You gotta talk to her about this, my dude. We have no clue why she's saying this. For all we know that's a catfish or something.


I’ve been seeing a girl for nearly 3 months now. We see eachother a lot, maybe abit to much but all in all it’s going well enough. But i’m not starting to wonder if i want anything to do with her anymore. I feel recently she has done a few things to set of my red flag alarms, little things like taking her phone to very short bathroom trips, being quite cheeky and combative humor wise, she told me the other day at my house she was going home to get a shower and grab her work uniform for the next day, she returned over an hour later with no uniform, didn’t smell like she had a shower and my gut just screamed she’s lying, another one if quickly pocketing her phone when she saw me appear one day, then shortly after when she went to use it again she got up and stood facing me which again sent major flags off. I’ve been cheated on before and i feel she had a lot of cheating vibes about her. She tells me she loves me & wants to hook a holiday together for september, but im seriously suspicious she’s seeing someone else. I got with her just as she got out of a relationship, but she said she had mentally checked out off it long before she emded it. I just feel like im being cheated on, seeing signs of it anyway. abit paranoid. on top of all this she always seems very distant, not very talkative sometimes, and just the lights are on but nobody is home type of vibe. I don’t know what to do but i feel very uncomfortable

She’s probably cheating. Your gut is almost always right. Been there. She was cheating. Oh yeah and the other one. She was cheating. You're thinking about breaking up and asking strangers instead of asking her? You two seem to hit it off well.


I have a history with disordered eating. My husband recently has become very healthy in terms of food choices. He started only eating one meal a day about a year ago. He now wants to give up refined sugar completely and only eat whole grains, protein, and vegetables. He wants us to optimize our health and set similar rules for our young children. I thought I had finally reached a point where I am comfortable with my own food choices and enjoying things in moderation. While I do sometimes overindulge with dessert, I no longer binge or hide food or other bad habits. The recent conversations around food have been extremely triggering. We are constantly talking about food and I am constantly feeling guilty about my choices and what I am doing to our children. I feel like a failure that I am not able to give up sugar, or more accurately that I do not want to give up sugar. I am extremely angry with my husband and resentful that he is harping on this topic every time we have a second to talk. While I agree somewhat with him about reducing our sugar intake, I feel he is too extreme. I am super depressed that we have so little in common around food. One of my hobbies is baking and the fact that I can no longer do that for my family to enjoy is also super depressing and another source of resentment. My husband insists I need to just stop eating emotionally and we will be in alignment. If it was just the two of us, I would be able to do my own thing but we are struggling to be consistent with our children. How do we move forward?

Your husband is also exhibiting disordered eating, and will likely deny it. His hyper-controlled approach to food is not healthy for children at all, and puts them at high risk for eating disorders. I wonder if a “neutral expert” could persuade him, your pediatrician, or a pediatric dietician. I don't think there's anything wrong with HIM sticking to whole grains, protein, and vegetables, but he is bonkers crazy for trying to impose that on you and WORSE, your children. That is so incredibly unhealthy for him to even consider doing that. DO NOT allow him to do this to your children. They will be binging junk food out of the house and grow up with an incredibly dangerous relationship with food. PLEASE don't let him hurt your children like this. PLEASE keep baking so that your children can enjoy food.


My fiancée is a first generation French immigrant who moved to the US for college 10 years ago and became a US citizen 4 years ago. Her parents and grandparents all still live in France and she visits them a few times a year. I went with her on a trip to France after we got engaged and had been together for a yea to see and be introduced to her family. The entire time it was tense and hostile. I guess my Fiancée didn’t tell her family that I was black because I could just tell by their face that they weren’t expecting it when they first saw me. She didn't send them pictures or anything of me. Her grandparents especially kept making comments in French that I couldn’t understand but I knew were bad since my fiancée would respond in an aggressive/defensive way in French whenever they would make them. Once we got back we had a discussion about the whole thing and she told me that her family is very proud of their country and its culture/history. They apparently have a bad impression of black Americans as lazy criminals or something and apparently my girlfriend got an angry email from her father about a week after we got back that she “might as well sterilize herself” because she’s ending her bloodline. I even put it in google translate to make sure that’s what it said. I kinda understand now why she didn’t tell them about me or send them pictures, but I don’t know how this will work in the future if we actually get married. How did I go about this?

The real question is how is your Fiancée handling her racist family? It’s not great she didn’t prepare you in advance. Does she plan to keep contact? How much contact? Her family is crappy, but to spring that situation on you with no warning was really bad judgement. Like really bad judgement. If that doesn’t give you second thoughts, I think maybe some counseling or a neutral third party is in order to go over the implications of how this will impact the future. If you have kids, you wouldn’t want them subjected to hate like that. Which means NC for your & your children with her family. Is she prepared for that? Is she prepared to be cut off by her family or be forced to go NC or LC?


My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years now and I've noticed that he never really seems interested in me sending him nudes. For example, I sent him a couple of pics yesterday after I showered and he just sent a heart emoji and thats it. He didn't screenshot or anything like that either. I know its not an issue of him not being attracted to me because when we're together he's all over me but it just doesn't make me feel so great when I know most other guys his age would probably show more interest in them. He's also not uncomfortable with receiving them or anything like that. Just wondering why he might be reacting like that or why he doesn't seem to like them?

Probably he just doesn't want to cross any boundaries by screenshotting them I actually do not want nudes of anyone I'm dating. Some guys are just not into it.


I’ve been seeing someone for a few months, and things have been great so far! Over the past few days, something about our text conversations just seems..off? I’m not sure if I’m getting too in my head; or if there are subtle signs that this person may be giving via text that he’s no longer interested. From a male perspective - what are some things you do to subtly let a girl know that you’ve lost interest, or that your feelings have shifted to more platonic rather than romantic?

For me, if I'm not interested, I'll just tell you that I don't feel a romantic connection and I'll end it. But, I suppose if I'm headed that way but haven't made a decision, I'll be texting less often, I won't be making future plans, I won't be as available, my communications will be less personal, no more flirting, etc. it wouldnt be so much in what i would say, but more so in what i'd do in my actions. the conversation would become more friendly, i'd stop using words like "babe", i'd probably msg less often n even avoiding, i would cancel plans more often n say im busy. i guess to summarize everything in two words: friendly and avoidant. on the flip side, we'll just come right out n say what the deal is n tell u to move on romantically.


I met this korean guy online who never had a gf. We have been txtng all day everyday for 4 months now. We met once in korea and we did it, and he is coming to my country next month. He is very sweet to me and is really like a bf. But when i told him i liked him, he said he just wants to be friends. Now he is becoming less sweet but is still texting me all day everyday. What do i do? Do i let go of my feelings to keep the friendship? He said i was his bestfriend

when you say you did it, you mean sex? dude just wants be friends. treat him like one if you want to be one but dont invest anything beyond that bc he lives in another country too If he said you were his best friend and you slept together, that sounds suspicious to me. Sure you can stay friends but since you already have feelings for him, you'll constantly think "what if". Good luck


Let’s set the scene. It’s May and I’m talking to this girl, let’s call her Ashley, and she eventually confessed that she likes me. While I would call this a W for me, I’m concerned on if I’m breaking bro code. One of my bros, call him Joey, and her were in a talking stage for a little bit way back in September, but it only lasted a couple weeks after my bro decided to shut it down. She eventually met me and my roommate when we were sitting next to Joey’s friend, she decided to come sit with us along with one of her friends. After a while we started going on walks together, usually with my roommate or her friend accompanying us, but it eventually became us two alone and we started to talk to each other and have deep convos. It wasn’t long after that she confessed and I’ve been stumped. She’s a great woman and I can definitely see myself dating her. However, I can’t shake this one thing. I talked about it with my roommate and he says he sees no foul and I’m gonna bring it up to Joey at some point, but I wanna get the public opinion. Is this a violation of bro code?

He shut it down, right? You're clear, dude. He moved on. I spoke to the other Bros, and after further review the ruling on the field is confirmed. No violation is detected, proceed with your courtship.


needing advice: I have had a thing with one of my friends in the area nothing serious just some flirting and playing about. id been working up the balls to ask her out officially but before i could she told me she was moving away for UNI and that she had found a Boyfriend to move in with. because of this we never really talked and we kinda grew apart. recently she told me that she`d broken up with the BF and had moved back because she was finished with UNI. we had got back in touch and the flirting has escalated into almost phone sex levels. however again before i could progress our relationship she went quite. now she was always slow to reply but now i`m being left on read and it seems like she wants nothing to do with me. i cant stop thinking about her to the point i`m not interested in other woman but she doesn't seem to feel the same. i cant even talk to her because shes ignoring me.

Hate to tell you, but you’re not the only one she is talking to. She’s weighing her options. She reached out to see where you were in your personal life so she can keep you on standby for when her ego needs a pick me up . She dangled that “phone sex” carrot to keep you interested, and you bit. Been there, done that. You are not a priority to her, but another option. DO NOT prioritize this girl. You deserve better. You are plan B. Hell, maybe C or D. Block her. It may sound overkill but you will never be able to have a platonic relationship with her, she will always try to drag you into the "almost boyfriend zone" be cause that's her power move. Block, forget, move on. You're only 21 dude. Trust me, interest in other women will be back in no time.


I was chatting to a girl on tagged , she wanted to move the chat to telegram, once i chatted to her on telegram she told me that do I want a sugar mummy, she sent me 4 photos of hot ladies and she said pick one and I'll will meet her and have sex with her and then get paid $5000, I'm tempted to check it out, could this be a police stings or scam

So this woman randomly offered to make you into a prostitute? I'm no expert, but I'm 1000% sure that's not on the level. The fact that you even considered this might be a real thing and not an attempt to, at the very least, steal a kidney from you is legitimately one of the funniest things I've heard in weeks. That being said, you should check it out!


my ex broke up with me 7 months ago saying she wasn't feeling the spark anymore . As we were friends from the childhood , after breakup she tried to stay in contact as friends. i ignored her most of the time because i needed recovery. She contacted me after 2 days of the breakup asking how i was doing, i just replied good and ignored her. She tried to initiate conversations many times like she went on a movie,what were my plans on a festive day,she had exams that she was worried about etc.I ignore all of those. I have muted her from all of my socials but she always reacts to my posts and stories to this date. I can say that i have moved on.But the thing is that she was really a good girl. Now i am having this feeling that maybe i should talk to her if she wants to get back with me again. Until now i was mad at the fact that she was the one who showed interest in me 1st, so I don't care about the current so called friendship that only she wants to keep,it is gone anyway. It won't hurt me if she says no, but I dont wanna have this feeling of regret that i never tried to get her back. Now advice me people :")

If you ask she'll say no. She'll know that leaving you was the right decision. You have respect to lose or gain, drop that girl. There’s no harm in trying.


We’ve been dating for almost 3 years. As everyone is mostly aware, the housing crisis is pretty awful everywhere, so we have decided to start the home buying process. I have been saving up for years and making sure my credit is impeccable ever since I was 18. I’ve had a very hard life, and I have finally been able to say I am able to reach my goal of owning a home. My boyfriend is also in on this, and with both of our incomes we can definitely afford a decent home in the current market. With this being said, he has no savings and is absolutely terrible with money. He also has no credit history, and relied on me adding him to my accounts in order for us to get approved for a loan. Essentially, this will be my hard work. My boyfriend and I are into cars and that’s how we met. He, on a whim, purchased an older sports car for $1,500 about a year ago. I wasn’t totally against it, but I raised a huge concern because of him only able to afford this car because he happened to have made a significantly larger pay check the week before. I was excited d about the car because it is fun, and for $1,500 it didn’t ruin us or cause any tension money wise. But when I asked to drive the car, he fully declined and said it was his car and he “worked hard to be able to afford it”. Fast forward to last week, after being approved with an amazing interest rate in todays market, I stated how this house is fully mine, and how betrayed I feel that I can sacrifice years of my wants to be able to do this for us. He still has yet to budge and refuses to let me drive the car. Would this be a dealbreaker for anyone else?

Never buy a house when you aren't married, never buy a house with a 'grown adult' who is 'terrible with money', his intellectual capacity is WAY too long to do anything major with him ever, it's clear the limit of his forward thinking is literally a single paycheck. You should run from this immediately be done with it tonight When I was a teenager I owned 2 60's hot rods. I was dating 2 girls and totally honest to both and had only had 2 both long term girlfriends at that point. Then I met this girl, while cruising in one of my hot rods and we hit it off. I imedidatly warned her I already had 2 girlfriends and wouldn't have much time for a third, then when she asked about the next day and I told her I was putting a new engine in one of my hot rods she asked if she could help. She showed up the next morning and helped lower the engine lift and with other things. She not only ended up driving both and ended up marrying her. Divorced now but still good friends.


I like this guy but I am several inches taller. I’m 178cm and I would estimate he is 165 cm . The height difference does not bother me at all but I am worried he might not like it. I do not know how to make it known I like him and the height difference is not a big deal. I have talked to guys shorter than me before and it was always a hurdle to get them to understand their height is not an issue.

Short fella here, I feel hella good when an Amazon likes me back Talk to him the way you would anyone else you wanted to date. Don't mention height unless he asks.


I am 37F, he is 48M. We have been dating for a year and he proposed. I said yes because he is a responsible, kind, tolerant and family oriented men. About a month before his proposal, I found a letter that he wrote to his EX-EX girlfriend saying how sorry he was, he misses her EVERYDAY and the biggest mistake he made was not realising how happy they were. Long story short, he was seeking ways to get back together. I confronted him, he said he wrote it at the start of our relationship and he forgot about it. It looks like drunk writing. He has over 3000 pictures on his phone and they pops up very often, I don’t even have to look for them, they are just around. That’s why he misses her everyday. I’m not strong enough to ask him to delete all the pictures because I know I have no right to do it since I already ask him to unfollow her on Instagram . This little chapter happened and has become an underlying issue in my head that she is his true love. if the girl sees a chance to be with him again in the future, what decision is he gonna make? He is with me just because I’m here and I seemed like a right choice for wife? If I’m 10 years younger, I would just walk away, easy. What should I do, it’s a life decision to make.

So he basically was saying his BIGGEST mistake in life was not staying with his ex? Oh lord…I’m gonna hold ur hand when i tell you this, no man that has moved on keeps THREE THOUSAND pics of an ex. This should’ve been figured out before planning and perusing marriage!!! You shouldn’t even have to tell someone you’re dating/getting married to to unfollow an ex. Especially one they’re clearly hung up on. He did you a disservice by not healing before perusing you. At this point i wouldn’t put it past him to have gotten with you, hoping he’d get over his ex. Is he with you because you’re “good enough” and he doesn’t have his ex? Is he pushing for marriage because he’s almost 50? He can love you and be a good man while still having a desire for his ex unfortunately. Do not go through with a wedding without being 100% sure it’s what you want and your soon to be husband isn’t wishing he had his ex in the picture. If he could propose before moving on i don’t see him all of a sudden or quickly moving on now. You have some things to rethink and should start by talking to him. Walk away now! It will be much harder in 5 years when he will be treating you like shit because you are not his ex. You can't possibly be and whatever you will do - it won't be good enough. Very unfortunately men like to marry good women to make them jump through the hoops to cater to their needs. Just so you know, the second his ex will move a finger, he wilk be there at the speed of light. Leave now and find someone who is head over heels for you.


My girlfriend quit vaping two months ago. Since then, I've frequently reminded her of how proud I am of her and I assure her I am here to support her in any way. Recently, she has been undergoing a lot of stress from a summer job leading to burnout. Today, she has been expressing to me how much she wants to buy a new vape, but she doesn't want for me to be disappointed. My disappointment is the only thing holding her back. I have always told her that I would be honest and that I would be disappointed. I reassure her that I am not telling her she cannot vape and that it is ultimately her decision to make. I remind her that I will support her and love her regardless. How am I supposed to navigate this? I don't know what to say because the conversation always returns to her saying she doesn't want me to be disappointed. I try telling her that it is your body, your health, and your decision to make. If that is how you choose to cope, I understand. If anyone has recommendations for this conversation, I would appreciate it. I refuse to enable this habit and encourage her to use nicotine to cope, but I refuse to stop her from doing what she wants. I am fully supportive of her making these decisions for herself and I encourage her to not worry about what I think. She needs to do what she thinks is best. I just don't know how to support her anymore or what to say. Thank you for any input.

kind of sounds like to me she's actually looking to you for support in not buying a vape. Doing something like this by yourself is very difficult, and it's usually very helpful to have somebody you're held accountable to. It almost sounds like she wants you to talk her out of getting a vape? Have you asked her if this is how she wants you to support her? Hey there! It sounds like you're in a tough spot. You're doing great by supporting your girlfriend through this. Let her know you're proud of her progress without vaping and that you'll support her no matter what. Encourage her to find healthier ways to cope with stress. Keep reminding her that your love is unconditional. It might take time, but being patient and understanding will help her make the best decision for herself.


Just got into dating apps..I have no idea what I'm doing on there lol. I liked this guy and he liked me back which means he matched me, but no text. Am I supposed to text first? Does it matter? The app is hinge btw And why the heck are people blurred on apps like bumble and tinder? If they like me and I can't see anything about their profile then I'm not going to like back..but is that how it's supposed to work?

>Does it matter? It does not. so it doesn't matter who messages first on hinge. You can message first or you can wait for the guy to message first. However, I don't see any harm for you to message first if you're really interested in him. As for the blurring on Tinder and hinge, it's done on purpose to get you to pay for the app. The business model of those types of apps is that they want people to get burned out by having to swipe continuously, so that you give up and pay to see who's already liked them. Hinge and FB dating are the only apps that I know of where you can see who's liked your profile.


So my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 months and we live 2 1/2 hours away. We both live with our parents and don’t have our own place. It sucks when the distance isn’t that far but far enough where we can’t be intimate with one another. The only thing we can do is book a hotel room but that becomes costly. Any advice on where else we can be intimate at that won’t be costly?

Weekend camping trips at the state/national park nearest the halfway point? Hiking on secluded trails. Secluded beaches. Places without cameras/lots of foot traffic. At some point, you're either going to have to get a place together, or introduce each other to your parents and broach the subject of sleepovers. Are your parents ever not home? 🛑🛑🛑🛑and listen to this clearly. **DO NOT DOING IN THE WOODS/HIKING TRAIL/BEACH/ANYWHERE OUTDOORS THAT IS NOT COVERED!** If 1 single person sees you and reports you, you will be charged with lewd act in public/public exposure. **It’s better to not have sex at all than to end up on the sex offenders list.**