Navigating a long-distance relationship for eight months, the relationship was lovely and straightforward. Both parties were happy and seriously committed. However, things soon turned darker as my trust issues were triggered by her outgoing vibes. She has an Instagram account with around 800 followers; she's popular, which means she gets a lot of attention and possibly admiration. I don't like to control her or anything; she used to reassure me every time I asked and even helped me with my overthinking whenever I asked something. However, I always felt bothered by her interactions with guys, even though she assured me she didn't interact with any guys. Despite her reassurances, my trust issues and overthinking caused havoc and chaos. Every time I pressured her about something that bothered me, or about her past relationships, she would yell at me. She would say I was doubting her or not trusting her, and I don't blame her reactions since she had traumatic life experiences as much as I did. Now, I feel like I lack self-respect for seeking her out while she's trying to go cold turkey and drop everything. I really, really love her and appreciate her company, and I cannot truly dare to move on without trying to show her I am not this kind of person. The trust issues and unhealthy behaviors were based on a previous traumatic experience where someone was lying to me the whole time. I'd be a fool to say I wasn't projecting my doubts and constant interrogations onto my girlfriend. I am genuinely regretful for becoming like this mid-relationship. All she sees now is an immature, selfish person who constantly doubts every move she makes. I cannot give up on her just yet. I really want to put in the effort to show her I am different than all of this, but she insists on giving up and cutting me off. She is now trying to have no contact or even ghosting me for good. Please, I need insights as I am desperately seeking to change for her and be as I used to be.

If she wants you out of her life, leave. Now. It's not up to you to impose your will upon her or force her to be your girlfriend. Repeated false accusations of cheating are a form of verbal abuse. Constantly trying to control her behavior and who she's allowed to speak to is a form of abuse. It doesn't matter who cheated on you or hurt you. Your behavior and treatment of her are unacceptable. Get therapy and leave her alone. Insight: If you refuse to accept that she has broken up with you that means that you are not just selfish, you are a monster. Your behavior is completely unacceptable.


in my desire to get him to initiate sex, i’ve given him plenty of opportunities but he either doesn’t take them or he just waits for me to do it. last night we were in bed, and he legit just laid his head on my breast, cuddling me and that was it. when i asked him later if he had been trying he said yes, badly. we have been married for four years, and i really love the guy, but i never ever feel sexy or wanted or like sex is something he wants rather than something im making him do. we have had this conversation a few times before, he knows what i like and he def knows what doesn’t work , and it got better for a bit but god, its really making me feel like shit and now i get the ick so bad i can’t take it. its making me feel really ugly, and now late at night i get this lump in my throat and horrible cringe feeling. and i know we’re gonna have to talk about it *again*, but how do i stop feeling so gross about it and why does it keep happening?

It sounds like he just doesn't feel comfortable being overt and forceful and he never was if this has come about due to frustration over you always initiating. Not all men enjoy being the aggressor type and it feels like you're trying to force him into a role he doesn't feel comfortable with. You say you've told him what you want and he's not doing it. When you told him what you wanted did you discuss his comfort with what you were asking for? Like really, into the weeds discussions about exactly how he feels doing every move you want? I know it's not a sexy discussion but it's also not fair for you to put these expectations on him if he actually hates doing it. Has he explained to you why he doesn't initiate? When he tries to initiate doing what feels comfortable for him, it sounds like you reject him. I totally understand why you're frustrated and not feeling desired but he's probably feeling the exact same way. Like, when he tries it still isn't good enough so what's the point. If you went along being the initiator for most of your relationship, what changed recently that made you feel like you didn't want to, or couldn't, do it anymore? Finding out what that is and the emotions underpinning it is where you need to start breaking this down from. My last boyfriend made me feel the same. The way he approached me for sex was different than anyone I’d been with before. Normally I can tell when a man wants to have sex, but not him. I talked to him, and I think he tried to change. But it still was unlike anything I’ve experienced. Broke up tonight


So when I was in college last year, this guy who made the first move had walk up to me and talked to me on my table, ever since that we have became very close, gotten to know each other very well and had some romantic moments. Six months later he had to move to a different state due to personal problems and I was so sad and heart broken when that happened. When I got hired to a new job, I recently met this guy 3 weeks ago and he was showing me around and training me. We’ve talked and gotten to know each other slowly and seem to became interested in each other which made me happy that I can finally move on from the last guy, but that same day he told me he will be at work for 2 more weeks before leaving because he is going to the military. That made me sad and it seem like he was sad too, after that I never seen him again at work. Now a few days ago I met this guy from a dating app, we’ve matched before around 4 years ago but really never talked. But since we’ve matched again we started to talk more often and today I just found out he is moving to a different state.. after that I just wanted to cry because it seems like every time I think I’ve found the perfect guy to date that I’m very interested in.. it never goes as planned and it seems like I’m not lucky when it comes to dating. I don’t know if this is God way of telling me that, these guys I was interested in just isn’t the right one for me.. or keep waiting until god gives me the right man that will treat my like a priority and a queen because he knows I deserve that kind of love and treatment from the right man. ✨💕

Lowkey had similar experiences... but mine would be that they would suddenly have problems ; they would basically just falter. I was hurt at first, but I took that as a sign that they aren't meant to stay in my life and they aren't supposed to be a partner or the one for me. I just cherish the good memories, and I don't hold on to them. Hmm is this a real post? If a guy likes you enough he would discuss the idea of you moving with him. Only 2 things matter to guys. Your weight & your age. These guys are lying to you.


Could a partner ‘innocently’ look at an escort site? After looking up local dating sites....?😮💨 I have noticed weird settings on his phone, and he deletes everything!, changes passwords. All red flags that really could go off are going off😣💔...He broke his phone a couple months ago when I called him out on shady behaviour like - longer times in bathroom with phone more than usual, -!cache images that can't be opened!!, -location off!!!! When he wakes up and realises im up he scrambls around and asks where his phone is... ?!, not even a good morning...💔 He hasn't gotten a number he says🤔 but why is messaging "doing work in background" if he hasn't put a sim in??? MY mind just won't settle down😣..I cant get the searches or the 2 images of 2 VERY similar looking chiks out of my head. AITA or being paranoid that he is going to cheat on me and/ or is lying to me.... OR DO I listen to my gut and leave as MOST red flags have gone off💔😮💨😣 and patterns are starting to form and I don't want to b stuck in the same cylce as my Parter 🙏 Please ANY!!! opinion is GREATLY appreciated 🙏it is DAY 3 with minimal of like 10 hours sleep!!🫠 I just want to understand, get I off my chest and see someones outside prospective,😇

Umm yes he’s curious about how much it cost, what’s available and how he can order. How is just curious an excuse? Trust your gut and move on quickly.


So I have the opposite of the normal problem that most girls face with guys actions and words contradicting each other. I’ve been seeing this guy for the past month and I’ve unexpectedly fallen so hard for him. I’ve told him that I really like him and mentioned that I wasn’t sure what he was looking for and he confirmed that he is also not sure of what he’s looking for. We’re both in our mid twenties, I don’t know that he’s ever had a serious relationship before. He’s nothing like anyone I’ve ever met or dated- in all of the best ways. So he tells me he doesn’t know what he wants but his actions are telling me that he wants to be with me??? He does all of this super sweet stuff for me, is planning stuff for us to go do later in the summer. He makes “jokes” when I talk about my future goals of having a big farm “let’s do it” in reference to buying my dream piece of property. The first time we had sex he rubbed his hand up my leg- I hadn’t shaved in a week or so, I made a comment about it and he said “natural, sexy” and smiled at me. The next morning when we woke up he stared into my eyes for a moment, went to get up out of bed, leaned back in towards me to kiss me, turned to get off the bed and then leaned back in for another kiss and asked if I needed anything???? He fucking rubbed his nose on mine one of the first times we kissed???? Like just all of these sweet little gestures??? Am I crazy for thinking he’s in love with me???

Take his word for it; "doesn't know what he wants" does acknowledge some interest on his part, however it disclaims the likelihood of commitment thereof. Having read the signs he's given thus far I'd inquire about his past relationships or/and upbringing; there's always a reason for such hesitance. I emphasize, just inquire, don't *shrink* him.. No he definitely is.


My boyfriend and I have been in a very committed relationship for 6 months. He is now backpacking Europe for two months. He invited me to join him for few weeks but I wasn’t able to travel for visa reasons. And tomorrow is our 6th month anniversary and he told me he is going sightseeing with a girl he met at one of the hostels. So apparently, there were about 10 people from that hostel that started hanging out together and that girl has a plan to go to the same city as my boyfriend tomorrow. So they decided to do sightseeing together. And I feel comfortable about the fact that he’s travelling alone with her especially on our anniversary day. Am I wrong that I get mad and jealous? My boyfriend told me he told that girl about me.

this is kind of how traveling solo works. you link up with random people and go on adventures. ive met tons of people of both sexes that were just friends and made traveling alone easier when you know someone. i wouldnt worry too much about it i dont know if people actually celebrate 6 month anniversaries or not , but it def feels like you may be putting more weight on this than he is? I understand your concerns. But either you trust him or you suffer from your jalousy. The latter doesn't help at all in this situation. Worse, it might turn your boyfriend off. He just wants to have a good trip and if this girl goes with him to this place, why not. You don't fall in love with every person you meet. Try to feel compassion for him. His joy is your joy. And if he betrays you, well, then he was the wrong one. But don't let jalousy grow. It is very easy to do so. But it's one of the worst and most devastating feelings. Edit: The theory of attachment with its different attachment styles might help you to see the situation from a wider angle.


My partner and I have been together for almost 4 years. We started dating in grade 10 and we are currently 2 years out of high school. We have lived together for the last 2 years of our relationship . Every time I ask him to do something he either forgets or doesn’t do it properly. For example, today I went to work and he had the day off so I asked him to put a load of washing on . I made sure to state that I needed work clothes for tomorrow. I come home and he onto put his work clothes onto wash leaving mine in the basket. When I asked him why mine weren’t put on he get extremely defensive and basically saying it’s ’not his fault’. He then ignores me to play his games etc. This isn’t the only time it’s like this though. He always forgets to do simple chores that need to be done around the household and I am getting really exhausted from having to remind him everyday to do these simple tasks. He has been assigned one ‘main’ chore of taking the rubbish out at night but he even forgets that. Its really affected my feelings towards him because I feel like i’m ‘mothering’ him all the time. I have spoken to him about these feelings on multiple occasions but he just says ‘sorry’ and he will do it next time…. but never does. I don’t know what to do anymore but I’m so tired of reminding him of his basic chores everyday and I’m also tired of being treated like i’m the ‘bad’ guy for constantly getting mad about it!

You leave. As long as you stay with him, he will not do better. Why would he? He has someone at home to do all of it for him or remind him to do it. He doesn't have to grow up. Why are you still with him?


I first said it doesn't matter cuz I'm tight anyway but he then asked what my preference is. I've seen his dick before, it's big, so I just said "length" but he isn't replying back now. Was I supposed to say something else??

As a man, that was a stupid question to ask as it was definitely a trap question and there was malicious intent with it. A lot of men are very self conscious about their penis size because of society and porn. So you saying length probably hurt him as he probably thinks he is small length wise. Its not your fault you were honest, he question was dumb and he shouldnt have asked if he didnt want an answer It was a dumb question to ask if you're going to upset by the answer. One time a guy asked me what the biggest id has was and then got upset when he found out it was double his size. Don't ask then... There's no correct answer. If someone is insecure they shouldn't ask those questions. It does nothing because in healthy relationships you don't really care that much about what "equipment" your partner has you just learn to work with it because you care about eachother and want to make eachother happy.


I had a pretty good date on Thursday. It was a little awkward at the end when we went to leave and we like didn’t kiss or anything and just kinda awkwardly waved goodbye. He texted me afterwards apologizing for the awkward goodbye and also told me he had a good time and wanted to see me this weekend. I responded that it was okay that it was awkward but I would definitely hangout with him this weekend. I haven’t heard anything back from him since I replied. I’m just confused why he asked to hang out if he didn’t really want to? Idk should I text him? HELP

if he didn’t respond to you and didn’t follow up about the weekend, I’d let it go When someone suggests getting together, you must get into the habit of immediately replying "Sounds great! Just tell me the day, time and place." If you don't lock down the 3 requirements of a date right away, then something is likely to fall apart.


Im very very happy with my life and love being single. I do date occasionally but I would like to have a prolonged period of time where I don’t even entertain the possibility of a relationship. But the loneliness usually takes over and I feel the need to at least text or talk to a guy, and feel like I’m making progress in this area of my life. Almost all my friends are like this too How do I get over this? What’s the secret?

Some people are naturally better at being alone. But you're not really even talking about that. Do you not have any friends, or family to connect with? Why do you need a man to talk too? Are you looking for quick validation? Focus on friendships. Personally I like being alone. Or I at least need alot of it. The secret? Well I like myself, I know I have value, I know I am loved, I know I'm beautiful, I enjoy my own company, I enjoy doing hobbies and activities alone and I don't need outside validation. For me, their company has to be better than my solitude. Plus, I’ve done a lot of work to become emotionally healthy and I don’t feel the need to find someone that can jeopardize that


I want to know ur perspective on this. My partner wants marriage and kids with me and a house. We are currently at his place. I recently found an old notebook where he wrote love letters to his ex. He had written down, “Marry me one day” and goals about buying a house with her. The girl left him for a rich guy. Anyway, long story short, I realized he wants the same with me and it makes me feel a certain way that he basically asked his ex the same things. Should I be concerned? I know it wasn’t his fault in his last relationship but is this kinda sketch? He has always mentioned he wants a life partner and is ready for marriage and kids. I guess I feel a little ….idk, like I’m just another girl he throws these words to. It is a big thing to want marriage with someone and I guess what I’m trying to ask is …”is he using this question loosely?” I am kinda a little hurt he already asked this big question to somebody

It’s not sketch to have a past. Haven’t you told other people you loved them before? Are you still in love with them now? If no, calm tf down and don’t do anything stupid. He knows what he wants. A traditional life. The other girl left him for her own reasons. He is now trying to make that life with you. Seems completely normal. He’s building a life and searching for someone with the values and compatibility to match it.


I am F and my boyfriend is M . He is the kind of man out of a DREAM. He’s a provider, he pampers and spoils me, emotionally supports me, makes me feel like i’m a goddess. Everything has been great between us, and i could see myself spending my life with him. With all that being said, he admitted he was my STALKER before we met. This started when I found a reddit thread about a woman being stalked by her boyfriend prior to their relationship which sounded oddly familiar. i jokingly said that it reminded me of him, and playfully asked if he stalked me. he confessed that he had. he was designing a website for my employer, at the time i worked at a women’s clothing boutique. i modeled for the brand, which is where he found modeling photos of me, and admitted he couldn’t get me out of his head. he said my eyes in the photos felt like i was looking at him through the screen. he proceeded to go to the store where i worked, to find out my information from my coworker. he then proceeded to find my instagram, dive deeply into it, and then start to sit outside of the store to watch me. he said it was only a one time thing but i think he may be lying. there were other signs, like knowing information about me without me telling him, and his openness to confessing his deep obsession with me. he admitted he keeps a box under his bed with things he’s taken from me. small insignificant objects like used napkins, tissues, hair ties, etc, things that he keeps to remind himself of me. i have to admit, i find this intriguing and almost charming, that he is so head over heels for me. i’m coming here to see if i’ve lost my mind for feeling this way? i also am a tiny bit creeped out, but i’m so in love it really overpowers that feeling. but how much of my love could potentially be manipulated? we’re best friends and i’ve never been happier. Am I crazy for wanting to continue our relationship???

Are you dating Joe? Someone just watched “YOU”


poly situationship so we are both in our early 20s and he has been in situationships before and was/is in one while we started talking and getting to know eachother. me? never. i’ve never even been in a relationship. he is interested in having a polygamous marriage in the future and also wants to explore himself sexually yet he has expressed he doesn’t want to lose me. at first i had considered the whole polygamous thing with him because i knew it would make him happy but as time progressed i realized that this would make me incredibly unhappy. i feel like i lead him wrong in believing that i could live the future he wanted but that’s not really the issue. i love this boy and i’m pretty sure he loves me but i’m also very concerned about our future together. he’s expressed he isn’t sure he can be in a monogamous relationship bc of his finances but he recently went on a date with the girl he was in a situationship before before me . the girl before me doesn’t want to be in a polygamist relationship either and doesn’t want to share him. i feel bad for the girl and feel bad for myself. he says that she’s leaving for medical school in the fall so i’d have his primary attention but that just feels wrong. my question is, am i being played or manipulated ? should i leave now before i get any more involved? or is he just a young man trying to figure his life out? sos🥲

STOP IT. This boy is a huge waste of your time. He can't afford monogamy? But he can afford to take another girl on a date? And his big reassurance is that you're going to get more of his attention when she leaves for school? Please stop. He is a child who wants to be a fuckboi and is calling it polygamy. Where the hell is your father?


This might be a stupid question, but talking to guys online/in dating apps it’s something I wonder. I know a lot of people are self conscious & might assume I’m being superficial & I don’t want to offend them. It doesn’t play a factor in if I’m interested in them but I will picture myself with the person throughout the day and I want to really be able to imagine would it would be like to lay/stand next to them, or to hug them. The last guy I met with I truly thought he’d be much shorter than me from pictures but he was actually way taller and it was a bit intimidating being caught off guard lol. Edit: I will like him if he is short , I will like him if he is tall. I do not have a preference. Please stop trying to tell me what ~I~ like.

What's a good way to tell you you're being superficial without outright saying that you are? It's a pretty inherently superficial question, so there isn't really a way to ask it that won't come across as superficial


My ‘31M’ boyfriend of 12 years is threatening to leave me ‘30 F’ if I buy a house of my own. He built a house for “us” on a 5 acre ranch. As kids I’d always tell him that it was my dream to have a ranch and he says that that’s why he built it. The house is almost done but it’s still in an unlivable condition. Since then we’ve stayed in his camper there on the property and he’s asked me to leave multiple times threatening to call the police on me for no reason just because he’s upset and doesn’t want to deal with me or my dog when it’s too hot. Because he’s done this to me multiple times and we need a place to live momentarily that has electricity I’ve considered buying a house instead of renting again. Because of this he’s threatening to leave me and has told me that he especially will if I continue to get too fat when I weight 130 lbs. and am 5’2 1/2. People say I look skinny. I am terrified of him leaving me when I’m older when I really don’t have a house to live at or when I truly can’t afford to buy one later on down the line when prices are even higher. Am I being unrealistic and selfish? He says I have this fake feministic way of thinking that the government tricked women into believing. He doesn’t want to marry me because he doesn’t want the government involved in our relationship. When I mention a prenup he says he doesn’t want to do that either because men always end up getting their assets taken away. I asked him to go half and half on payments and he doesn’t want that and I also asked him to put my name on his house deed that way I don’t risk him kicking me out randomly but he always says no. Instead he suggests I get a mortgage loan under my name to buy off his property off of him that way he can get more money to finish building the house and that way the loan is under my name. What would you do? He says that if he was going to leave me, he would’ve already left me a long time ago because we’ve been together for so many years and he hasn’t yet. At the same time my parent’s own a house and I’m pretty sure they’d give it to me if something bad was to ever happen to them so maybe I can have that to fall back on.

He’s abusive. You need to run, and get help. Your marriage to him will end in shambles if you do get married. Get out of there. Call the national abuse hotline and explain that story to them and they will tell you the same Run run run he’s controlling af


i don’t have anyone else to go to, please be kind as i’m hurting a lot. FYI he’s a very straightforward, blunt, and honest man. please don’t tell me he’s playing me, cheating, or there’s another girl. it’s not like that all, and i’m very sure he’s in love with me and cares about me. it’s just that he’s had very very bad experiences in the past, and in the beginning of our relationship it was quite rocky but we got through it. long story short, i snapped at him for the first time, got angry. i understood i shouldn’t have, but he overreacted. he ignored me for 6 hours that day, then proceeded to tell me we’ll talk tomorrow about it. i got really upset, and tried to communicate with him. but he shut me out, and went to sleep. the next morning, he broke up with me over text, which is not like him AT ALL. i then tried to communicate with him, but he kept shutting me out until eventually he blocked me for 10 minutes, then unblocked me and said “let’s call tonight, but we’re not getting back together, just for what it’s worth. i’m sorry i didn’t communicate with you properly” i agreed to the call. but we ended up never calling. i sent him a long text, being as mature and honest as possible. the next day he apologized for his immature behavior, and agreed to my suggestion of going on a 3 week break rather than breaking up to clear our minds, however he told me that he thinks he’s not ready for a relationship and will use this time to think about it seriously. it’s been a few days. and i’m thinking of texting him because i think a 3 week break over this matter isn’t the right choice. i really wanna worn things out with him and i wanna fix everything. he’s backed out before but he came back. now i’m wondering, what should i do? continue this 3 week break? text him in a week? i don’t understand i’m confused and hurt and i don’t want to give up on him. TLDR; Bf got trauma triggered after me getting angry at him for the first time, now he’s suddenly backed out of the relationship.

Probably wants to hook up with someone else and is using this excuse as the opportunity. That way if you find out, you both were on a break. It really doesn’t ever make sense to take a break from each other while still remaining faithful. It would make more sense for him to just ask for some space without actually taking a break from the relationship. Can you tell us anything about what exactly happened in the moment that triggered him? I’d also move on. Something doesn’t add up.


I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year, and was friends with her for a couple years before that too. Things have been generally very good until recently. When she asked me if I watch porn, my answer was yes. There was never any boundary set where either of us couldn't watch porn in our relationship, but she doesn't and assumed I didn't either. She was very hurt by my answer and said it made her feel like she wasn't good enough, but I really just use porn casually once or twice a week. It's not about comparing her to any other women from my perspective, but I also understand her point of view. I feel really bad about saying this but the weight she has put on since we started dating has really made me much less attracted to her, but I only noticed that once she threatened to break up with me unless I stopped watching porn. Everything was fine until then, when she didn't know I was watching porn I was completely satisfied sexually and she wasn't hurt. In all other ways she is very good to me and we really get along. She has a great sense of humor and is great to be around, but I feel that my physical attraction to her might just not be there anymore. I feel like a total pig actually saying this but also attraction is one of the basic foundations of a relationship. I'm not happy where we are right now and something needs to change or there's no point in commiting any further. Do I have to confront her about her weight? I don't think it's right to make her change just because of me, because she is who she is and we just might not be the right match. Just writing this has made everything much clearer, but what do you even say to someone in this situation? I don't want to hurt her.

How do you just notice her weight and loose attraction when you have to stop watching porn? If you’re not attracted to someone you just tell them. But you made a mess of the situation by “suddenly” realizing your lack of attraction when she found out you watch porn. 2 things here 1) Ask her if she’s ok. Yes people’s bodies change but there might also be some other factors you don’t know about. 2) Look at your last 4 sentences. Do you confront her, make her change, say to someone. When people type these things their word choices can reveal things about them. You’ve singled this out to it her problem, but is it? In your own words you noticed she had put on weight but it didn’t hit you until she created a boundary that you don’t like, stop watching porn. Now it’s an issue you are thinking about confronting her about. If you don’t want to hurt her break things off tell her “I don’t see this going any further and we both deserve better.” It will hurt at first but it’s much better than saying “you put on weight and I’m not into that”.


So we have been dating a little over 6 months and because of our jobs we don’t see each other very often. She has mainly guy friends and we have been getting in arguments over her wanting to go and stay in Airbnbs with 3 other guys over the weekend. I am uncomfortable with this even though I fully trust her but one of the dudes previously liked her and another borderline sexually harassed her before and she agrees not to go but will wake the weekend after the next and it’s been like this a couple weeks now and idk what to do. I feel like I’m cutting her off from friends but at the same time it makes me uncomfortable. This is just one of the issues that we’ve been having and I just wanted opinions on it

A girl wanting to go stay in an Airbnb with 3 other men in which everyone knows that one of the men liked her and the other "borderline" sexually harassed her to the point that her employer is aware . . . makes literally no sense at all. There is nothing about this scenario that makes sense, sounds good, and if this is just one of the issues you are having, I am not even sure why you are dating. There is nothing wrong with having male friends, but to hang out with a guy that harassed her and another one she knows liked her is beyond bizarre. I don't think you're being controlling


So I have been in a relationship for a couple of months but it was not it for me, I felt nothing, just hurt by his actions and I communicated it to him and he said he won't change so I broke up with him. Now I'm trying to date, but the thing is that I literally feel nothing. I want to feel, but it's not there. Guys tell me I'm so nice and funny and then make jokes that make me feel inferior and it's all gone, I try to tell them that it is an issue for me and they tell me something like but it's not. Those things get to me, I've been told my whole life that I'm not enough or will never amount to anything. I am in therapy, doing my best and it's still not enough to be talked to like I'm an equal and not someone stupid. Like, am I smiling too much? Do I look like I'm stupid or act like it? It's just exhausting, I don't know what to do. Am I supposed to just wait? Am I the problem?

I used to feel the same way. Like I just kept meeting girls who I thought were attractive, but they didn’t meet any normal standards. And I thought it was just me that was the problem. But then I met my current girlfriend, and I’m telling you that you can be in a good relationship, you just never have to stop searching for it. Alpha widowed & can’t pair bond. Most common problem these days. That’s what happens when women confuse sexual attention with desire to commit.


So my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 9 months and I'm not sure how to tell her I get frustrated at some of the questions she asks me because my emotions are not complex enough to handle them. For example: Sometimes she will ask me how I am feeling or what I am thinking about. I didn't have a problem answering in the past but over the course of our relationship I've learned that certain answers will trigger follow up questions that I was not prepared to answer or have no desire to answer - especially if there was a specific thing recently affecting me. She will ask "How are you feeling?" and if I answer "I'm feeling pretty good." Her follow-up response/question would be "Even though your stomach was hurting earlier?". A question like that will take me away from the current, positive feeling I have and bring me back to how I was feeling when my stomach was upset. After that, I feel my emotions are too simple to take me back to where I was after being reminded of a negative experience and I am left with a feeling of frustration towards my girlfriend for that being a follow up question. I'm not sure how to address with her without making her feel she shouldn't ask me questions or get to know me. Any advice on how to bring it up to her or ways I cannot be so affected by her questions? She isn't sensitive in general but she is more sensitive to the things I say and how I say them.

What Does she think you were worried or upset earlier because you had a stomach ache? Some peoples emotions show up physically. Do you want to get more in touch with your emotions? Ask her if her stomach hurts when she is upset. Or idk, have this conversation you posted with her.


aka he's cheating but only the girl finishes and he did not? is that even realistically speaking, possible? or he's lying? but why would he lie about something like that? He already admitted that he cheated on me, why tell me that detail? And another thing, when we were still getting to know each other, he told me that his first ex cheated on him multiple times during their long-term rs so this made me wonder the fuck out, IF U ALREADY EXPERIENCED BEING CHEATED ON, WHY WOULD U DO IT TO UR PARTNER IF U SAID U ALREADY KNOW THE FEELING OF IT AND ITS NOT GOOD??? He also told me when he admitted that he cheated the day after he had done the deed that if he was on my shoes, he would immediately leave me and i told him "well the thing is, ITS NOT U WHO GOT CHEATED ON SO U DONT GET TO QUESTION HOW I WILL HANDLE MY BUSINESS OF GETTING CHEATED ON" sorry for the capital letters, noni did not yell at him, i just want to emphasize it so that it gets through his closed minded head at the time. Like why would u compare ur experience with mine when we are not the same person, every person is different so do not assume that if something happens and ur action works with it, it doesn't mean that it will work with mine. And call me all u want y'all but I was willing to talk things between us, I was willing to hear him out and make him do the consequences of his actions but he said he will choose to distance himself from me because I do not deserve something horrible like him, who cheated on me. Oops, kinda got sidetracked but any inputs about my question and our situation, everyone? I will appreciate it!

It doesn't even matter. He cheated on you. Dump him to the streets. Figuring out the details like they mean something, just beating yourself up and wasting your energy. LOL. This is a wild lie. The boys are getting sillier aren’t they? He’s not worth your time, move on


Got tested a couple of months ago after returning from South Africa, per a promise to my partner then . She and I are on good terms but are no longer dating. My test was clean. Fyi I have been polyamorous for years now. Since returning, I have had sex with her and 3 other people, 2 new. With one of these people, the condom slipped at the end. I told her I was fine with being tested, which she liked, and I feel is the right thing to do. She has since mostly vanished, just exhibiting breadcruming. I understand she has a life and that despite really connecting, that doesn't mean a fling necessitates more from either party. She is not responding to texts or asking for me to get tested, so I've moved along in life whilst enjoying a good memory. I get tested annually, at least, and am not worried. But out of respect for her, I am fine with getting tested. FYI I have had a vasectomy so that isn't a concern. Tldr; for someone who has clearly moved along and is not keeping in touch, should I get tested after a condom briefly slipped? FYI this is one of those condom slipped off while pulling out after orgasm, not mid-sex. Please, I've had a tough month so save any aggressive comments for elsewhere. I'm trying to do the right thing.

Yes get tested Get tested for you not her.


F22, M21. long story short, ive tried to break up with him multiple times. hes not really listening and is having a hard time letting go. what should i do to give him the ick and just stop liking me?

You just focus on breaking up and he will eventually heal and find someone he likes, who also likes him. Tell him you are breaking up and stop answering his texts and calls. Make out with a much bigger dude in front of him. Not good advice, but you were involved with a walking red flag and you're suffering the fallout.


This is so stupid compared to all the other posts in here but I just genuinely don’t know what to do. For context, we were in a 8 month talking stage & he asked me out right before my girls trip to DR in March, however we made it clear that we were only talking to each other prior to dating. In January, I found out he was messaging this girl he had a previous fling with last year. I asked him about it and he said he was just asking her to get his speaker back. Then I dropped it. My boyfriend is a well known guy in our city, & he’s attractive. He gets a lot of attention from other girls, he follows some attractive girls, but I never cared because he gave me a sense of stability. I don’t care when he goes out with his friends, simply because I trust him, but now I don’t. Recently I saw screenshots of the conversation , he was asking to see her, was saying she’s looking good- basically pursuing her. We had a conversation about it, he apologized about it. I felt stable in my relationship with him up until this point, I hate being lied to. He said he didn’t hang out w her, then said he went to pick up his speaker & she just gave it to him while he was in his car- but I kind of don’t really believe that at all I know we weren’t dating, but exclusivity was established by this time. Even though it happened in the past, I don’t know how to bring it up with him & get the truth out. I feel like he may be lying, but I don’t want to continue badgering him about this if he is telling the truth. I know this is so stupid, I just feel so overwhelmed so I turned to reddit for help lol

[deleted] Reflect on Your Feelings: It's important to acknowledge how you feel about the situation. Trust your instincts and recognize that your feelings are valid.


I am looking to getting to really fix my dating life. However, the major essence of this is not to be in a committed relationship but to be a fuck boy or a player. I dont have a lot of experience so I want to build that up before actually deciding to commit or get married. Been working on myself constantly for the past year. I moved countries. Got a high paying job and lost weight. I was 120kg but i weigh 95 now. I dont have abs yet but I should probably start seeing them by year end. I was only doing cardio cause I was broke and had no money to pay for a gym but I can now afford to pay for a gym so I am joining one and I am going to be consistent. However, I dont want to wait till I get abs to really fix my dating. I have only had one gf and not much experience and I am bald and black and I am wondering if its possible to achieve what I want. I am also over 6 feet tool if that helps. I was also thinking getting tattoos and piercings if they would help but the fact I am bald and I cant get those nice black guys haircut or dreads or the black panther villain guy haircut tells me it might be a waste. How can I genuinely do this. I dont mind dedicating 6 months to a year to achieve this. I am a patient man.

Lmfao what the actual fuck. You need advice on how to be a terrible guy to women? You want people to tell you how to lure women in so you can play them? This is the lamest post I’ve read so far. Yet you think the problem is being bald and black? 😭😭😭 Getting that fuckboy status will not fulfill any type of happiness. You'll probably get a std also with the process. Why not just start up dating when you get the body you're trying to achieve? A fuckboy is just an asshole with a bad reputation that others will know of later.


We have been dating for a year. I went to visit him last week before he moved back to his parents’ house from college. He was affectionate and gave me advice on an argument I had with my family. Then he didn’t respond for days and I panicked because I thought he was depressed and blocking me out or mad at me. He later told me his phone was acting up and he didn’t receive my messages. What’s more, he made a new instagram account and was posting there and adding people while he wasn’t in contact with me. It left a bad taste in my mouth because I thought he was ghosting me and he always told me how much he hated people showing off on social media. He explained that he just wanted to share his hobbies and life with others. I expected things to go back to normal after that. But since he moved back a few days ago, he’s been even worse at responding. One word responses without the pet names, emotes or punctuation he usually uses. I told him he sounded cold and asked if he could tell me he missed me and loved me like usual and he barely responded and said he’s been out of it recently. It feels like I’m pulling teeth talking to him, and yet he’s more active on all his social media platforms than ever. Maybe he just needs time to recharge, so should I just stop bothering him with texts for a bit? It upset me because if I’m active online but wanting to work on something I’ll tell him “hey, i’m going to work on this” instead of replying one word and leaving him hanging. I would like to think he’s just going through it or busy and overwhelmed right now, but any text conversation with him reinforces his reluctance to express any affection. I wish he would open up to me like he said he could if he is stressed out or something. Right now it just seems like everything I say is bothering him.

It seems like he's trying to step back from the relationship and "quiet quit" you. I suggest you call him, not text, or go see him. Talk to him. Find out what's going on and if he still wants to be with you because he's wasting your time. You can do better. Time to take a step back and stop reaching out to him. The more you try to engage him, the more he's going to distance himself. He knows how to reach you if he wants to invest himself in the relationship. You want someone who wants to invest themselves in you and the relationship. He's not showing he is. Time to move on


I don't know what to do with dating. I've been single my entire life and I haven't had sex or kissed anyone ever. I know I am sexually attracted to men and women, I think I am mostly physically attracted to men but romantically to women. This makes it very hard for me to know what's best for me. I don't feel comfortable with having sex before a few months of dating. I am scared that when I start dating one gender over the other I will feel in doubt all the time because I haven't experienced the other gender. Does anyone have any advice for me?

I think you just live life and if you come across someone you really like, no matter the gender and you have an opportunity to date them, then do it! Icy_Peach9128 wrote the best advice so far. Focus on the individual in front of you, and go from there. In reference to other comments, I also will say that there is *absolutely no necessity* to pursue "open relationships" or "threesomes." You should never feel guilt or "doubt" if you date one gender and "haven't experienced the other gender." Plenty of straight people are virgins for *decades*, but they know they are straight. You above all know your heart, and only you know who you're attracted to. Nonetheless, it sounds like you're still trying to figure certain things out. If you're looking for advice, it should probably be from other people who are bisexual or the like. Learning their stories -- even if only through podcasts, essays, etc -- can illuminating. They may or may not be role models for you. Indeed, you might look at an individual and go, "Oh, Lord, this person is weird and their dating style sucks." But either way, they can serve as clear foils for the person you want to become. Best of luck!


Idk if it’s just me but I’m 20 and every now and then I get a match in the app but literally 9/10 times there’s no response or anything like they just swipe the profile or sum but past that, do women see men with tinder or other dating apps as a red flag for using/having?

Seems pretty normal to have a low success rate on dating apps as a guy. Very few people unless they are breathtakingly attractive get anything out of it so it’s nothing to be alarmed at. I think even off apps it can be challenging although there is more opportunities to bond with people. But I’ve struggled yeah. Most women men are looking for on there are bots or scams. People who no longer use the app would probably say it's a red flag. Men have said they swipe right on all since the odds of actually meeting someone is low. Women have more vetting to do. A lot still use the app but some don't and think it's not going to help or get you what you are actually looking for.


We've been together for a year almost, more often than not I always initiate. We see each other 2-3 times a week, but mainly to do sports or activities, maybe once we will stay over in each other place and most of the time I'm the one engaging sex? I have mentioned this to him and he understands my frustration he says, he says he likes me a lot, and he fancies me, says I'm good looking/attractive and fit, so physical appearance should not be an issue, I'm his type? Now he keeps telling me that he has low libido, yet he watches porn everyday, he sex talks a lot and online is more "playful" than me. For example, last wednesday he stayed over at mine, and I initiated and we had sex , then on friday we met again and he stayed over, I tried to initiate and he said he was too tired, even to cuddle or kiss, in which I understood, people have those moments. So in the morning I tried to be fun and started caressing him and see his mood, and he was like "I haven't brushed my teeth", "I want to sleep" this was at 10:00 am. I'm getting to a point where I'm not sure anymore, I'm trying to abstain from bad thoughts, I really like this guy but I'm starting to feel like a needy person when I'm with him? It's getting to a point I'm not wanting to initiate anymore and if I do it just means we will have less sex. Next time I'm seeing him will be this friday and I know that more than likely we will have because he asked for me to stay over, but I feel so frustrated that I feel like going, staying but just not do anything, but that's not a healthy approach or thought... TDLR : I feel like I'm being needy, I communicate as much as I can with my partner but I'm just feeling like shit and the only one that cares about this...

Move on, not a good match. Maybe the things you two like sex wise are different and he doesn't feel motivated. Do you know what type of porn he watches or does the sex talk involve anything paticular that could might hint about his interests and likes about sex. Now to the honest part; >We see each other 2-3 times a week, but mainly to do sports or activities, maybe once we will stay over in each other place and most of the time I'm the one engaging sex? >he says he likes me a lot, and he fancies me >even to cuddle or kiss This this doesn't sound like a relationship. It sound like a long-term FWB thing. It's very unlikely for someone to just hang around to do sports and activities, to say they like you or fancy you , and be so cold not to cuddle for even 5 minutes and be dismissive in the morning, and see this a serious relationship. He seems to be dragging you along for his benefit.


Had a guy slide into my dm yesterday. He's been filling me for a while and loves what I post and says he wants to be friends. After an hour of dm I fall asleep and he tells me to text him in the morning and sends his number. Super nice, sweet and attentive asks me lots of questions and such. And I haven't seen a red flag yet. I'm unsure if he actually wants to be friends and keep texting or if he's actually into me? This has just never happened before. Like one time via dm- a guy was like I manifest you everyday and I blocked him. haha like do not manifest me into your life! Anyways idk should I be weary?

Just see how it goes. Keep talking to him and eventually you'll get a better sense of what's going on. Get his number and call a few times. Beats the hell out of phone tag with texts


M29 and f28 meet on dating app nearly two months ago. Instant hit it off and she even stayed at my house for nearly a week once. Hiking, bars, grilling, nature, etc etc all fun activities and such. Im renovating a house and want to get it done before summer is over. I also want to hang out with the boys, we exchange actual skills and knowledge like carpentry, construction, electrical etc. Just so happened we didn't meet for like a week partly due to us living 2.5 hrs apart and because I had a friend stay over for 5 days to help with the house work. Morning to night honest work. Anyway, was talking to girl, she first hung out with some "girl" she says who had a bmw m6 and met at the vet when her cat had to be looked at. Then a few days after she met up with some guy nearly 2 hrs from her to go eat steak and lobster at a restaurant. She said "I was really hungry and had no money but I swear I left immediately after we finished eating". Keep in mind I personally cut communication with other women during our time of dating. She's entertaining God knows how many other people, that's just two cases she told me about, And I insinctively knew something was up when she said she was going to "x neighborhood" without saying why exactly . All this she while simultaneously claiming to love me and be obsessed with me. Anyway bros , I'm too old for childish bs and unrealistic demands for attention. Your thoughts are appreciated, thanks.

its evident that she is fishing for the best choice, just play along like before and use her just for sex and fun time, but from now on dont pay for her. If she can do it then you can as well. But never commit to her just use her as fwb You're not enough for her. You're plan B. She gives you enough to keep you interested while exploring better options. If they don't pan out, you'll be there crying and begging. She knows you're a simp and will never cut her off, do she can do whatever she likes. And it's working. Brilliantly, actually. Good for her!


I met my now girlfriend about a year ago. We took a community college summer class together and became very fast friends. There was obviously an instant attraction as well, which we discussed, but she told me she was working on her mental health and wasn't ready to be in a relationship at the moment. I was relieved because I was in a similar situation. We stayed friends for about 6 weeks before she told me she didn't want to wait anymore and that she wanted to pursue a relationship with me. Stupidly, I said yes. The first few months of our relationship were great, I truly fell in love with her. However, as it continued it became glaringly obvious how much we both really were not ready to be in a relationship. I am currently working very hard to improve my mental health, but my girlfriend doesn't seem nearly as interested in recovery as before. She keeps insisting that she'll start going to therapy regularly, looking for a job, etc. but she never does. She spends all of her time hanging out with me/trying to hang out with me or binging TV shows. I genuinely don't think this relationship is good for her, however, she frequently expresses how much our relationship has helped her, and how she knows she'll be okay as long as we're together. I know this all could have been avoided if I hadn't agreed to a relationship with her, and instead continued to be her friend. I don't want to cut contact with her, because I really do love her, but I don't know if I can stay in this relationship anymore and I feel like this will break her. What should I do? TLDR; I rushed into a relationship with my girlfriend and now I don't feel like I can break up with her.

>how much our relationship has helped her, and how she knows she'll be okay as long as we're together Oh no - this is just pre-guilting you so you won't break up with her. People fall in and out of love, you are not a bad person for not loving her anymore. That doesn’t mean also that it was a mistake to get into a relationship with her. You followed your heart and it’s okay. Just be honest with her. It was good while it lasted and relationships come to an end, sometimes way earlier than one would want or expect, but it happens. Also, assure her that she will be fine without you too. Everything is always fine in the end. The sun always shine after the storm, it’s cliché but true.


Pretty much as the title says, I just have a hard time telling between the two especially when there are mixed signals. Any advice would be appreciated!

Mixed signals are a bad sign. Well, what are the signals? Not enough detail. I know people that mistake friendliness for crushing, despite obvious signs they’re not interested. Like guys who go to a restaurant and think every waitress wants it because she’s doing her job and being friendly lol. I also know some people play hard to get. That’s usually obvious to me though. Without any details, can’t say. But more often than not- mixed signals aren’t a good sign. Them not wanting a relationship with you doesn’t mean they should be mean or cold. Some people are just nice. You can ask them if they’d be interested in a date. If you’re not confident enough for that and want to be ‘sure’ first- Maybe try distancing yourself. If he/she makes an effort to check in, then go from there.


Hi I need your help. 3 months ago I met someone with whom I want to be. Everyone around says we're a perfect couple destine to be together. Our relationship has been fantastic. We love spending time together and having fun, find each other super attractive, and care for and support one another. He even asked for my picture to keep in his wallet and introduced me to his important friends and family. However, there's a problem. Yesterday, he told me he only sometimes feels butterflies for me. He doesn't want to break up but also can't see us together because of the missing butterflies. He said everything else is wonderful—we're amazing together, he misses me, and he longs to see me often. All the bases of our relationship are solid except for that emotional spark. He blames himself, saying he's broken and it's not my fault. He wanted me to come up with a solution, but I have none. I'm awful at love games... I'm good at flirting and the pre-couple stage, but when I'm in a relationship, I don't know how to keep things going. I care deeply about the other person and am probably too straightforward, showing all my cards. He also told me that, in his opinion, I have two options: we either become friends or I break up with him. But when I suggested breaking up, he didn't want it, which left me confused. He couldn't understand how I could just leave him after three months together, and I got even more puzzled. He asked me what I feel towards him and what are my future plans. After hearing all the things, I got blocked and couldn't admit he's dear to me. I only respond I cares about him, he's important and that I would like to have family as he know, but I don't know if I would have a chance, because such important decision also depends on the partner and I don't know if the other side would like to have kids. Today he texted to me, that he wants me to remember I'm important to him. He asked how do I feel and ask if he can do anything to make me feel better. This message upset me a lot, because only what I want it's him. But as he said, he cannot be with me without butterflies....on the other hand he doesn't want to break-up because what is between us means a lot to him and he cares about me. I don't know what to answer... I don't know how repair this situation...

Imma be honest. All of this strikes me as terribly manipulative behavior. It has all the hallmarks if keeping someone on the fishing line until they are ready to commit. He probably does ‘love’ you on some level and in some shape or form. But this man, if you stay with him will most likely cause irreparable damage to your mental health. And to be fair you should tell him that the way he talks to you feels manipulative. 2 things can happen. He’ll either accept that and see the error of his manner and choice in communication or he is going to blow up in 1 of 2 ways; love bombing you or guilt tripping you. Both of these would indicate traits common in both narcissists and sociopaths cause they can only really emulate love and not feel it. It can also be a response of someone incredibly dumb and incoherent in his head but I doubt that’s the case. But you should confront him on that for sure. They’re not butterflies, it’s anxiety. And he’s not got it because this isn’t toxic. If he reflects it’s likely that he’s only had those butterflies when it’s been lust based and at least slightly toxic and unhealthy.


I've been dating this girl for 3 months now. She's always been my all time crush/type. We have different lifestyles; she enjoys parting and drinking which I don't. She’s passionate about everything. Last week, her period came 11 days early, which is unusual for her. I suspect she might have taken Plan B because her cycle has always been regular. This made me worried since we didn't mess but all she did was take a pregnancy test. It's shaken my trust. I'm tempted to check her phone something I know I’ll find the truth. when we are together she doesn't pick up some calls something that I'm suspicious about. You’ll suggest I have a deep conversation with her but it will lead to her gaslighting me. However, I'm ready to face the reality , whatever it may be.

Wow, you are a man baby. Even the most regular of periods can have the odd week off. Which doesn’t matter because why the fuck are you tracking her cycle to see if she’s cheating on you . This is a whole other level of insecurity. Also, have you heard of scam calls? I personally get them like 3 times a day and it would be tough if my boyfriend suspected that every one of those is some guy I’m talking to. I’m not saying that she’s not cheating on you, the truth is there is just no evidence that she is. To assume otherwise is just silly. I don’t think you are ready to be in a relationship. These are pretty clear signs of trust issues. Please leave her the hell alone. You are almost 30 years old and acting far younger than she is


So basically, I just got a gf, I am super in love and I think its working. When the summer ends and school starts the daughter of my parents’ friends from the other side of the country will come to live with us for the whole school year. She is a year older and I have zero interest, I agreed to this about 8 months ago and I didn’t have a gf. I need to tell my gf asap and I don’t know how and I don’t know if its gonna be a big deal. I might be the issue here but I feel like if a guy that I didn’t know came to live with her for a full year i’d be super uncomfortable. Idk. Need help. I told my parents and they could not care less.

Honestly i completely understand your concern! but none of this is your fault at all, the best advice i can give you is just be honest to your girlfriend as this is a family friend coming over, not a random girl. Hope it goes well! There is no special way to deliver the news, and no way of guaranteeing a positive resolution for you. Some things you have to do in romance and life are just tough.


Went on a really random tinder date while out of town. Completely last minute, but actually had a great time! Went to her house, did a puzzle together, talked about some deep topics, actually had a lot in common. Super cute and sweet girl. Ended with cuddling and making out while watching a movie together. Didn't sleep with her, but we were deff into eachother . Texted her the next day saying I had a great time, she responded saying same, nice meeting you, with a smiley. Texted her the next day, no answer, so I decided to just give her some space. I didn't have her # but I did still have her address. Felt ambitious so I just said fuck it and ordered her another puzzle delivered to her house, with a hint of who it was from without giving my name, kind of an Inside joke lol. Is that creepy? It got to her house yestueday and still haven't heard from her. Only reason I even bothered is because this was the first date I've been on in a while that I actually felt that I liked the person afterward. One thought is that maybe she was turned off that I'm not in the same city as her? No idea. I'm sure the move I made was unorthodox, but is it creepy? Thoughts? If it matters, we're both around 30 y/o, single never married, no kids, live alone

36 F and I think it’s super thoughtful! That would only be creepy if you didn’t have a date, btw. Being a nice person is never creepy, sir


A few days ago, I met this girl IRL. We only knew each other by sight, as she's friends with some of my friends and came along with them to hang out. We ended up having a normal, friendly chat that night. A few hours after we parted ways, she sent me a follow request on Instagram. I accepted and followed her back. I know people following each other on social media after meeting is normal, but I had a feeling something was coming... I was right. The next day, she sent me a DM. She wanted to share something related to our conversation from the night before and wanted my opinion on it. She had a video to share, but it was too long to send on Instagram, so she asked for my number to send it . Now, this would have been fine if I had any real interest in her, but I don't. I hate giving false hopes and feeding conversations with girls I'm not interested in . I know some guys like the attention, but I genuinely hate playing with someone's feelings and emotions, so I always avoid stretching conversations for too long. Well, we ended up texting a bit that day because I wanted to help her out and be nice. But the conversation dragged on, and I got the feeling she was interested in me, even though neither of us flirted or she said anything explicit that said so. I waited for it to become a bit “dry” and stopped responding. She texted me again the next day. We talked a bit, and when the conversation was winding down, she left me with a “tell me more about you.” At that moment, I knew I was in trouble and didn't know what to do. I didn't want to ghost her or be rude, so I kept the conversation going one more time. Like I said, this isn't the first time I've been in a situation where I feel "trapped" in a conversation with a girl. Usually, they give up when the convo becomes "dead," but once, I gave too much attention and the girl ended up getting hurt. I don't want that to happen again. Almost a week has passed since we first met, and she keeps texting me, even when I don't respond for almost a full day or leave dry messages. She's not annoying, and the topics she brings up aren't boring or forced. I enjoy talking to her and she is genuinely a nice person, but I don't want her to develop strong feelings for me. Maybe she just wants a friend and I don´t mind being friends with her, but that's it. Please, help me. How do I get out of a situation like this?

tell her you are not interested in her romantically, or you are not looking for a relationship now or tell her you have a girlfriend and fake having one This part; “Maybe she just wants a friend and I don´t mind being friends with her, but that's it.” Lay out your intentions, be direct. This can be done tastefully, but sounds like she needs to understand there’s nothing more.. which many people won’t unless they are told. It does sound like she’s interested & if/when you advise her that you legit don’t want anything more than friends she may completely back off.. if nothing else she’ll know where you stand.


For context, I am very understanding about mental health. I have had my fair share of depression and anxiety in my past and have been very supportive about his struggles our whole relationship. We have been together for 6 years and he was struggling with his depression from the start . I love him with all my heart and can’t wait to marry him, but his mental health never seems to improve and I’m struggling to mentally support him all the time. We have countless conversations about him seeking help and changing his medication and how it effects our lives. But it feels like we are just going in circles. He may go see a doctor or psyc but doesn’t maintain this and just stop when he feels he is okay in himself, then he goes down hill again. I work 7 days a week to try and pay for our upcoming wedding and do have a lot of pressures in my own life, then coming home to find him in the same spot when I left after being home all day, just leaves me to pick up everything . He works long hours himself so I do understand to a point but everything seems to fall back on me-leaving me exhausted and drained everyday. Our sex life has taken a massive hit. I have a high sex drive but also place intimacy quite highly in importance to me. He never seems to want to do anything with me and will just sleep or distract himself with other hobbies, making me very self conscious about myself. I understand the effects of depression on someone’s life, but now I myself am struggling with everything. We have big in-depth talks and he promises to help himself but we always end up back where we started. What do I do? Any advice? Thx

There's lots going on in your life, and that makes usually manageable stuff hard to deal with. Have you spoken to him about this, about getting help and continuing even when he feels better? Communication is key in any relationship, so try to keep those channels open. But at tye same time remember to take care of your self. God created the world in 6 days and on the 7th he rested. So if even God deserves a day off, so do you. Can you get a day with no work, and just look after you for 24 hours? OP. Let's take you out of the box which is your life right now, and have you stand outside of it looking in. You have a wedding coming up. This should be the happiest time of your life right now. Sex has dried up. Your mental health is starting to suffer. You're carrying all this weight because your partner is suffering for mental health issues.. He's going off and on with meds and help, it's a never ending cycle.. How are you going to be a mom through all this? How are your kids going to be through all this? Are they going to have mental health issues too? How is he going to be a father through all this? You're already holding up a household by yourself right now. Now imagine doing that with a husband and kids. Can you handle all that weight? Right now your faced with a difficult situation. Stay or go. If I were you, I would postpone the wedding. Take a step back for you and your mental health. If you proceed with marrying him, one day your knees are going to buckle under the immense weight. If he can't help himself now, nothing else is going to fix it. Are you even getting therapy for all this? Right now, you should be smiling and happy! Planning your wedding! But you sound depressed you sound like you're turning into him. Leave


I met someone via an app , who seemed interesting and interested, as we maintained conversation for a number of days consecutively. One day, a couple of weeks ago, she sent an unusually terse reply inquiring as to what could account for my writing style, which I admit can be rather stilted and pedantic . I was frank about it, and she didn't seem deterred. In fact, she suggested we call on the phone at some point, and asked for my number. I gave it to her, and she curiously seemed to go MIA. I sent a follow-up, to no avail, a few days later, and a few days after that a message that, politely and reasonably , inquired as to whether she would like to remain in contact. She replied within a day, apologizing for her taciturnity and relating that life had become unaccountably all-consuming due to her being a student. She reiterated a desire to call sometime. I acknowledged the message, and reiterated that there was no pressure, that she could reconnect when the demands upon her returned to normal. That was approximately two weeks ago. I fear that I am being naive in supposing that she's been so swamped for so long that she could not reply even intermittently and briefly. My initial suspicion was that she was someone operating behind a false front collecting numbers for whatever purpose, but I'm now convinced I came off as undesirable and she didn't/doesn't want to directly convey this. Anyhow, is waiting any further in vain? Thanks.

This just sounds like normal female behavior to me. Keep fishing. If she comes back around, great. But don't hold your breath. Meh, no point in waiting on an inconsistent maybe. No need to block her, just chalk it up as a matter of differences or life or whatever helps you forget about it and continue living your life. If she reaches out again, respond appropriately. If not, oh well, you won't have been thinking about it anyway. No need to think about her any further. Just enjoy your life and carry on, my friend!


my bf and I are long distance for the time being as we go to the same area around college, but we are currently 13 hours apart timezone-wise. i really enjoy spending time together as we share the same academic interests and hobbies, we called everyday for 1-3 hours but now he feels the calling has been too much for his social battery. i feel a bit conflicted because i found it perfect as he makes my evenings brighter even with so much on my plate. i want to call everyday, and i enjoy it into my daily routine. i have a tendency to need things to be the same everyday, and if things dont play out as scheduled, i get so stressed. i understand this is an unhealthy habit of mine, so i try not to let that affect a relationship, but i want to be with someone that calls me everyday instead of texting me because texts aren’t a reliable source of emotional support or connection. in almost everything else, we are so compatible. but im having trouble finding the warmth or connection to him if we were to do this routine.

You need to understand boundaries and how to self soothe. Your whole post is about you. You want, you feel, you enjoy, you prefer. What. About. Him? I have a friend I'm really close to. I LOVE spending time with him, he's one of my favorite people. We get along like a house on fire, laugh our asses off, we can tell each other anything with no filter, we balance perfectly in that there's like 50% overlap where we may as well be the same person, but we're 25% on either side on opposite viewpoints on other things so we can challenge each other while also understanding one another. I adore every single second I spend with him. If platonic soul mates are a thing, it's this. I really don't think I could ever get tired of talking to him and especially right now, when I'm dealing with a major life upheaval, sometimes it's all I want to do. I understand someone making your day brighter. And that's a GOOD thing. I'm sure it makes him happy when I tell him he cheers me up and is a safe space. I'd like hearing that. But it's also my responsibility to do that for myself and manage my own feelings. He gets to spend time with his husband, with other friends, or alone. He gets to focus on work when he needs to. He gets to have his own struggles and rough days when he's not feeling social. It's not up to him to make sure my mood stays up. It's not up to him to fix it when I'm feeling low or anxious about what's going on. He can't anyway. He can listen and reassure me but that's literally ALL he can do. And if we talked all the time, what would we even have to talk ABOUT? We meet up about once a week or so for some drinks and that we don't talk all the time is WHY it's so fun. We can catch up on the week's events and gossip and share all those "OMG I was going to tell you about this next time I saw you!" things. Your BF is trying to set a boundary and communicate HIS needs. He's not saying he hates you and never wants to speak again. He's saying he needs a better balance, and quality over quantity and that he can't be your everything. He's being reasonable. 3 hrs on the phone A DAY? Assuming he works full time that's his whole evening. Back off. You're smothering him. That’s too much for a majority of men imo. Cut it down to a 2-3 times a week and see how it goes. You can convince him to keep doing it but his feelings won’t change and could become something that pushes him away. If breaking the routine impacts you that much it’s on you to solve it, not your BF becoming a crunch.


I matched a girl on Hinge and we hit things off. We arranged a date for a weeks time but I said let's get a brief call in before then . We were set to have the call and she replied the night before and the morning of, then stopped messaging around 1pm - I had no inclination to think she wouldn't follow through with the call. I'm a super busy person and value time, so not only do I not like wasting my own time but I treat other people's time with exactly the same level of respect as I do my own . So when it got to the evening and she never replied I was pretty pissed off. I had come home specifically to chat to her and cut other commitments short to accomadate her. I ended up sending her a message the following afternoon saying roughly: 'I would have appreciated a text as I had put aside time in my evening to speak to you. This isn't the most considerate behaviour I've seen and not a cute look, you came across as someone who I thought would have better manners than this but I guess I was wrong". Granted it was a a slightly 'sharp' response, but I don't think it was out of pocket when I sent it. She responded saying I should be more considerate of what other's are going through and that my default reaction should be kindness..... but shouldn't her advice include taking the 5 seconds to text that they can't make time for the call? - I feel like she just wanted to gaslight me and avoid accountability. I'm finding this behaviour more and more common, so have been feeling more inclined to call the behaviour out. Ghosting by definition is psychopathic and I'm really tired of it being an acceptable norm and genuinely want to start biting back instead of just letting things slide - people are too detached from what a scummy thing to do it really is. What are people's thoughts on sending messages like these when someone acts in these disregarding ways?

I would have given her the benefit of the doubt the first time around but at the same time I can’t blame you at all. Unless if her phone broke or died she could’ve taken the time out of her day to let you know something. I think your feelings are valid here, nobody likes having their time wasted. NTA but also, you think she cares? Your text has had no impact on her. If I ghosted someone, your text really would have made me lol. So from her perspective, the ghosting was totally worth it.


Im not okay. Fr i have been trying to focus on myself and control my thoughts but i cant not think of death.

Please call 988 suicide and crisis lifeline Have you tried some medicinal Marijuana, jokes aside no matter how much off a good reason people give you, you just won't be able to see it if you keep your self surrounded by walls of shit, you've gonna need to get your hands dirty to break the walls and listen to reason. Or maybe just try some mushrooms.


I went on one date with a guy I matched with on hinge. We spoke for about a week or more before actually meeting. I thought he was a really nice person and all, but I wasn't physically attracted to him. But I would feel bad about ending it because there's no red flags or reason to do so. I feel like I'm just being shallow for not being physically attracted to him because his personality is great. I'm new to dating so don't quite understand the whole chemistry thing- I've been only on one date prior to this man and didn't feel anything either times. But both were nice so idk what I'm looking for. But with the current guy I'm dating, when we message he kinda talks about 'next time', and to me it's like, you don't know if there will be a next time. Would you consider that a red flag that he low key plans for future dates? He done this before we even initially met. We agreed to meet at a park and he said something like next time we can do an activity. Idk I just don't like it but again am I being harsh? I feel like I'm not made for dating and just want to stop with these apps, but I have no way of letting him go gently. I considered just deleting my profile, but that's so rude because he's actually a nice guy. But I also don't want to be leading him on. He's asked me out for dinner, he's a nice guy, but I'd feel bad letting him spend his money on me when I'm so unsure if I want to continue with him. Please help because I'm supposedly seeing him tonight/tomorrow and idk what to think or feel! In summary: idk if I should stop dating simply because I'm not finding him physically attractive?

As a guy who generally tries to take rejection well. Please communicate if you aren't interested. Saves me time and heartache that I could spend looking for someone I connect with. If they become a jerk about it then block and move on He's talking about future plans because he likes you. That's called asking a girl out. 😉 If you aren't into him, then follow this script via text before your second date: "Hey Joe, thanks again for hanging out the other day. I had a great time! You are a very nice guy! Unfortunately, I don't think we're a romantic match. I think you are a great person, and I'm really glad we were able to meet in person. All the best" Then, unmatch on the dating app and move on.


My girlfriend and I were in a 6 years relationship, almost 7, for educational reasons some of these were ldr and we discussed this before me moving abroad. Well last year I decided to move back to my home country to move in together with her. A few days after arriving I was looking through her phone's gallery, obligatory not spying, I was in bed she was playing something, and noticed a sexual Instagram reel recorded, at first I didn't think much about it but then I was like "haven't seen this one" and I confronted her about, she started making excuses, but after some talking she said she was talking with another dude on discord for a few months now, everytime she told me she was going to sleep she would just call him or whatever, not long after starting speaking with said dude they started sexting , due to the nature of the job I was applying to I couldn't focus on this issue and things continued as normal until a few months later I started resenting here, borderline hating, and I decided to break up with her, well after some talking and each one of us moving back with our parents we decided to try a psychologist alone and couple therapy where we decided to try to work on things but not meaning we will remain together 100%. Fast forward to this week we broke up, I did, because for a few months now neither of us was happy, we were fighting a lot and things were just not working, I wasn't seeing a future with her. My question is, did I make the right choice or not? Reasons. Before asking, yes I was 100% faithful, didn't have much free time , but all my free time was spent with her. You can ask more questions won't add more in the post. TL:DR girlfriend started sexting with some dude, we tried to work on our relationship for a year, but it was going nowhere so I decided to break up. Thanks.

Yep. Right choice. You don’t want to be with anyone long term who folds so easily when adversity or inconvenience shows up. You need someone who can endure because everything is not going to always be rainbows and sunshine. It sounds like you made a good decision, yeah. Much love bro


Age gap couple… advice please Hello, so I rarely if ever post but need some advice. I met a man who is 14 years my senior . We started talking and absolutely hit it off about 4 months ago after knowing each other since the last 2 years under other circumstances. We currently are long distance as we met while I was traveling for work. We have spent a few weekends together, and spend every evening talking for hours and throughout the day message or have short phone calls. We just click… he says things that align with my thinking and there’s no way for him to know how I think about those topics. Here’s the thing, he is halfway through a divorce and has two kids. Everything regarding the situation, that he’s told me about, has checked out so far. I have not met the kids, but one is excited to meet me, the other is more hesitant. My parents don’t love the situation, and I can understand why but they also have no interest in meeting him which would help explain things I believe. I don’t think there’s anyway for them to get it… I am just slightly lost. Is it really an impossible situation? Any advice? Thank you in advance!

Very much do not recommend getting involved with a guy in the middle of a divorce. Think of the kids and how they feel. Their entire world is upside down and now you’re swooping in replacing their mom with their dad. Also what if they reconcile he has so much on his plate getting his kids situated and you have your parents to think of do you want to lose them over him? Plus you’re an insta mom and you’re going to have to be his caretaker in about 20 years. edit do you want kids? He might not want more and then what? what do you think makes this impossible?


Hi, I’m a 27 year old male. I recently went on a date with a girl . Long story short we went on a date and we got along pretty well, at least in my opinion. We had a lot in common and had a lot of the same views. By the end of the date she says, “I’d really like to see you again” I reply with “I’d really like to see you again too”. By the time I get home, I let her know I get home and she said she hasn’t also gotten home. I thank her for going on a date with me and for letting me to get to know her. I texted her day later saying “hope she is having a great day and hope she slept well”. It’s been 2 days and has responded since. However she’s posted on Instagram. Am I getting ghosted? Also, before we left each other she gave me a little plushie and said, “hey hold onto this until we see each other again.”

Option A: Wait 3 more days and then ask her on a second date with plans already in mind. Don't mention Instagram or the delay in her response. Dinner, where, and when. The tone of your text will be fun, excited for whatever place you want to go with her, and happy when she accepts your date invitation. Option B: Take a picture of the plushie riding your ceiling fan, send it to her, and tell her the plushie is out of control. If you're feeling spicy, followup quickly with a picture of the plushie surrounded by junk food wrappers and soda collapsed on a table. Express a need to return the plushie for its own good, and make dinner plans if she's laughing and intrigued. I'd go for Option B personally, but either one is fine. Woman here, you are not necesseraly being ghosted. Not replying after ONLY 2 days is in my opinion normal. Nowadays there is so much pressure from everyone to reply fast. You have to imagine, the work e-mails/phone call her familly friends, posting on Instagram... of course you come only after all that! She just met you, posting on Instagram does not mean she does not like you, it just means you are not her top priority yet, at the end of day, with limited time to do things. After 2 days, I would say that's pretty healthy from her. She also gave you clear signs of wanting to see tou again. Now she might be lying or change her mind later but you have no ways to either know that or in influence it.


I was trying to date a guy. We have 6 met times and I had told him during the second date that I was looking for a serious relationship. I was very clear about my intentions and he said he wanted the same but his business was a priority. He moved out of the city to a place 2 hours away. It was never clear about when we would meet next because he is busy with his business and he told me his schedule is crazy with the business in different cities. I even paid for one of our dinner dates because I didn't want money to be factor holding us back. We made out for a very long time on our 5th date so I would say that we have been intimate. He has never been a great or consistent texter but I thought that's how he was However, when one of our texts got sexual he was texting me almost every other day when previously it was just maybe once a week. All texts are sexual with no definite mention of when we will meet next. It almost felt like he just wanted to come to my place to crash, have sex and then leave. However, this text really creeped me out. He says " I will come and get you and will take you somewhere. Then I will take advantage of you being alone. " When I ask him to clarify, he says " basically a weekend gateway date where we would fuck and be together. " I don't know what someone thinks but " taking advantage of you being alone" sounds like a guy with bad intentions. Am I overreacting?

I think he's only interested in the coochie In this context I would say he was trying to be suggestive, if he had any actual predatory intentions he would never say such a thing. What does your gut tell you ? Follow it


We've been together for 7 months. He is 5'5 and I'm 5'9. I'm eternally grateful to have him in my life and I've never cared about men's height so him being shorter than me doesn't make a difference. Since the beginning of our relationship two of my close friends have been making rude remarks to me about our height difference. They act super nice to him but once he is gone they start saying things to me like "You are so much bigger than him!" , "Kissing him must be weird'', "Do you feel embarrassed?", "Do you wish he was taller?", "You need to be with a tall man, leave him for the shorties" and so on. I've told them multiple times that I genuinely don't care, that none of those things are true and that I don't feel like I'm making a compromise. But they still think that deep down I suffer in silence because he isn't "tall enough". These comments always feel directed at me and with the intent to make me feel bad for being taller. Yesterday at a party we were playing truth or dare and my friend asked him if he wished I was shorter. He laughed and said no but I still feel bad. This same friend used to have a crush on him before we started dating so I'm sure she isasking out of spite and not curiosity. I started feeling a bit self-conscious about my height and like my boyfriend wouldn't want to be with me. I know it's stupid to think that way especially since he's always told me I'm perfect and all and isn't insecure about his own height. I told him about how I feel, he was nothing but supportive and said that my friends are just trying to plant the seeds of doubt. He said that it would be best to cut them off entirely from my life. I'm starting to think that he is right. What do you guys think? How should I proceed from now on?

Tell your friends to cut it. Your friends are assholes. You can either call them on their assholery like “why are you body shaming him, why are you body shaming me, he’s more than his height, etc, why are you all more concerned with his height vs how happy I am with him” or look at them like they are daft. You know that meme of the little blonde toddler making that “I’m so confused, and I think your stupid” face? Next time they make comments, make that face, and ask if they are ok. That’s it. If they ask what you mean, repeat it. Then either change the subject or get up and leave the room.


[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the [content policy]. ]

literally just stop talking to her. I mean she can't be that boring if you're posting on here about her


We have been dating for almost 5 years. At the beginning of our relationship, I asked him to take pictures of and post the ring for sale on his eBay. He said the quality of the diamond was low and that he couldn’t sell it. He kept on saying he had it and it was safe with him every time I asked him. I didn’t care much for the ring as it came from my ex who ended up being abusive hence the reason why I divorced him. My kids were involved in the proposal and when I saw them standing there with my boyfriend while he was proposing even though I recognized the ring, I just couldn’t say no. This whole situation is making me feel kid of tricked and disappointed. This is definitely not how I wanted the next phase of the relationship to begin. I talked to him about it and he said he might get a different ring but I’m feeling almost resentful about it. How should I deal with this situation?

Who would propose to their gf with her ex’s ring? To me it would show the level of commitment he’s on if he can’t even buy me a ring. Dude is too cheap, lazy, and too stupid to not realize your old wedding/engagement ring would not be a welcome gift. Better to end it now than have a life of misery and resentment with him. "Hey, I bought you a car, its just your old car that you gave to me to sell but I am giving it back to you as a gift to show that I love you, also it has memorabilia from your abusive relationship in it to remind you of what you went through."


I m 18 and going to be 19 in august 21. i m struggling with dating i m still a virgin and in highschool i had a lot of trouble dating i tried to pursue every girl in school and was rejected by all of them 🙃so i took a break from trying to date and worked on myself especially my social skills but i still have a lot of social anxiety , anyway as summer came i dowloaded tinder but it was basically useless since for 3 months i had 0 likes and obviously 0 matches should i keep trying with tinder or just ask any girl i meet in real life ?? Where did you have more success dating is it on tinder or real life ??

You should continue focusing on social skills, building a social circle and creating life experiences with them. You'll meet more women over time and have the social skills to actually talk to them you won't get a girlfriend if you focus so much on her being a "good looking girlfriend". Women can tell when you don't have your priorities straight


I have very low self esteem due to my upbringing. I have tried therapy multiple times but can’t seem to overcome it. This has taken a massive toll on my dating life, as I believe that I would be doing someone a disservice by having them date someone like me, when many other options are available to them. As a result, I haven’t dated anyone, and I am 25. I reject people because I feel like I am saving them from a bullet, yet I feel a deep sense on loneliness at my inability to allow myself to experience love. I understand this is irrational and that relationships aren’t locked contracts that one can’t leave, but has anyone else experienced this type of fear?

Low self esteem, what exactly do YOU feel contributes to your low self esteem? Your appearance? Abilities? 🧐 Yes. But I also suffer from imposter syndrome at work etc. I think the two are connected somehow.


I'm a 23F dating a 25M for a few months. I recently discovered he didn't graduate high school, while I'm currently in college. I don't think he's dumb or lacks emotional intelligence, but I sometimes worry about our relationship's future fulfillment. I've always dated or been friends with people who are in college or have graduated. He earns around $80k a year, while I'm still in school and job hunting. He doesn't seem to mind that and is happy with me. However, when I bring up certain topics, he often doesn't engage because he "doesn't ever think about those things." His family doesn't seem to think critically about certain subjects either. I try not to be condescending, but I get bored with small talk and pop culture . He will sometimes make comments like “you’re so smart” while pinching my cheeks, after I’ve said something that is common sense?? I've dated guys who are more knowledgeable, which I find attractive, but I always worried about boring them or being used. I've also rejected guys with dead-end jobs because I don't find that attractive. My ex was very patronizing and made me feel dumb all the time, so I have some trauma from that. Might be the reason why I’ve self sabotaged previous relationships? Despite this, my current boyfriend has many redeeming qualities and I am very attracted to him. I just have anxiety over this at times. Do you find that intellectual gaps cause problems in a relationship later on?

Gap in intelligence becomes more of an issue the older you get and longer the relationship lasts. My wife is intelligent, like book smart. But has no desire to discuss any topics. The lack of mental stimulation is brutal. Are you more concerned with how it appears when you are with others?


Hi all, I'm the type of person who likes to help as much as I can with suggestions and ideas on how to make their situation easier and my bf of 9 months has an online course he's taking but he's behind because of his time management. I've noticed every time I try to help and make it easier for him to find time he will shoot down my help by saying "I can't because reason 1" or "that won't work because reason 2". I am asking what I can do because I'm starting to feel useless and dumb now. I can't recall a time where I actually was able to help him because it was shot down. I like to help in relationships because my love language to show is acts of service and making things go smoothly for my partners so they're not stressed. What can I do better or differently? I feel kinda crappy and like a bad gf. Thank you guys and gals ***[tl;dr]*** When I try to help my bf my suggestions are usually countered and now I feel useless and want to find a different way to be helpful

I'm not sure there's anything u can do. It's his class it doesn't sound like he needs any help. Your desire to help is genuine and heart-felt, but it's fair to say that your boyfriend has a large amount of pride and ego around his time-management woes. It also seems that he does not appreciate the help you are trying to offer. This may be because he does not have faith in your ability to help, or your helping will expose some deficiency on his part . His motto looks to be: *"Death before dishonor."* Ask him: would he rather *fail* without your help, than succeed *with* it? His answer will tell how invested he is in salving his ego versus passing the class. And to address your initial concern: **you are NOT dumb and useless.** In fact, you are *generous* and *caring*... just that HE cannot, or will not see that, and is determined to succeed or fail on his own merits, whatever the cost.


This is a rant post. So basically I talked to this cute guy everyday,everytime for 3 weeks and we had 2 dates that went really good, we kissed,hugged... Then he suddenly became distant during 2 days. He didnt reply at my text for 24 hours despite being online during the day so I texted him "is everything okay?" and he told me that he wants us to stop there because hes actually not ready for a relationship. Now I have trust issues lol. I didnt see that coming.. he told me days before that he was excited to see me again etc. Moreover I expected him because of his age to be more sure of what he wants and stuff. But well..

We are in a time of immaturity. Age mean nothing anymore since you have 50yo men wasting their time in online gaming. He just left because you didn't had sex yet and that's all he was interested in . Or he was just dating multiple women and choosed another one. You dodged a bullet actually as he would have probably cheated on you anyway. Don't bother about him and keep trying, it's hard for EVERYBODY, and it's supposed to be. He might have avoidant attachment. I do have to say it’s better this happen now than months later when you are more attached