So my fiancé and I are getting married abroad after nearly 4 years together. His psycho ex is known for harassing her ex’s, befriending their baby mumma’s and making false accusations to police. My fiancé has a child with her so sadly we have to deal with her tapped behaviours for many years. The latest move she has made is to book to stay just minutes away from where we are having our destination wedding. She manipulates my stepson and squeezes information out of him. The latest she has extracted from him is the exact place we are staying and where we are having our wedding abroad. Due to him coming with us she had to be informed of the dates we are taking him out of the country. I hate the thought of going around the town and bumping into her, or my stepson requesting to spend time with her when we are away on our holiday for mine and his dad’s wedding. Even more so, I hate the fact she could turn up at the address we are staying at to try to put a dampener on what should be such a special occasion that we have waited so long for. Honestly it makes me feel sick and really makes me think of what my future looks like if these are the lengths she will go to. Just to add we are unable to change the location now due to non refundable deposits. What would you do in this situation? I feel so sad about it and would be so grateful of any tips of how to deal with this situation.

I would tell security to not allow her in. What does your fiancé say about her behavior?


This is going to be a silly post but yesterday I got my first haircut in ~15 years. I’m a 27 year old guy and I’ve always been known for having really long hair and my hairstyle was honestly perfect for me— but I wanted to try something new out and so I took the risk and cut my hair. … big mistake and I went from hot to very very average. I’m going to take some time to focus on myself and just let my hair grow back out, but this honestly might be a good thing for my dating life? Maybe? I feel like dating as an attractive person is people seeing you more than actually getting to know you and this is going to sound extremely shallow, but I always see average looking people in relationships. The hot people that I know are all single or struggling to really find the right person. I’m not sure if that’s because there’s more options and so it’s a lot more weeding involved in dating. Maybe being average allows you to have one extremely compatible option that you see eye-to-eye with instead of several people that meet you and think they can do better or that you’re too good. Plus you don’t get immediately sexualized. I’m not sure, I’m kinda just typing and trying not too sound too shallow or crazy. But do you guys think that average people have an easier time dating than conventionally attractive people?

As someone who’s been both average and well above average, I promise you it’s much easier when you’re attractive. Having a lot of people interested in you and then having to weed through to get the right ones is a much better situation than having hardly anyone interested at all. Dating is three things. Physical attraction, shared goals, and actually getting along with each other. Yes, there's such a thing as being pursued by people who don't actually like you because they think you're very physically attractive and don't care about anything else and it can be a practical problem.


And do you only send gm/gm texts only if seriously interested? And if you could specify if you are F or M or other that would be great!

Is just me that thinks sending good morning/ good night texts every day is tiring ? I mean if u guys talk to each other a lot ? Why not be a gentleman


Am I bad person? I 24M have fancied this girl, 23 F, for a very long time. She has been with her boyfriend 29M for 5 years. We have a massive friendship group and I have never had a convo longer than 5 minutes and would never meet up together. she has been unhappy for the past 2 years and he doesn’t treat her right. He kicked her out of his house on Friday because she refused to give him a blowjob as forgiveness for going to a party the weekend before. She is treated like shit by most of the household and She has no other home and is a vulnerable girl who’s lost and feels unloved. She rang me and asked if she could stay at mine and I said yes, I wasn’t intending on anything happening was just looking after her. We ended up sleeping together and I’m just really confused on what to do. They’ve broken up now, but I’m worried about what to do next as the group can be very bitchy and it’s already raised suspicions and is being gossiped about. I really like her and I know I could treat her better than him. Should I carry on seeing her? Or am I just a massive prick?

NAS Syndrome you bought her pitty story…soon she will say the same about you to another dude she’ll cheat on you with Congratulations OP you are a scumbag. But don't worry there are plenty of us out here and if you put in some effort you can become a reformed former scumbag. Don't stick your dick in taken women. It's easy.


I've met truly interesting people throughout time. Some i have met recently and i struggle to keep conversations going. I answer as soon as i can, interest myself to their hobbies and activities yet... It never seems to be enough. I end up waiting hours to get a few replies and then, it's back to waiting. A short daily exchange, no more. Any reason's why that might be?

Because you’re meeting the wrong people. It’s as simple as that. Texting sucks. Try meeting in real life instead. Be interesting. But more importantly be interested in the other person. If you ask about another person they will reciprocate and ask about you too. Works for dating, making friends, business partners, colleagues, school


Long story short, bf and I have been together probably over a year and after about 6 or 7 months he started staying at my place 5 days a week, only returning to his twice a week. I’ve never asked for his help with any bills or anything like groceries or rent. It would be nice for him to OFFER but his offers never go through. My rent is quite high yet I still pay for most of our outings when I can, and he’ll constantly reference my salary in comparison to his and our “tax brackets”. He also bought a dog and leaves it with me 24/7 as his place is too small. I hate it. I’ve voiced it. Two weeks ago I bought an apartment. I told him he can’t come over every day as I need to feel like the place is mine. He followed that with a rude comment about how he can’t date someone who’s always sad about going to visit their grandma in a retirement village . This past weekend, he told me to “shutup” as a joke apparently in the morning when I woke up, told me I’m too lazy to do extra work at the gym and then told me I would’ve been bad at my old job again as a joke apparently. Then kept commenting about my credit rating and my salary. Not sure wtf is going on but I feel like I’m not even able to celebrate this huge achievement of mine or feel like I can be myself without another rude comment coming my way about something. Help?

He’s being a dick to you because you’re thinking it’s something you’ve done, when it’s him just being an asshole. He is showing you who he is, and you’re thinking it’s your fault. It’s not. He’s just an asshole. You’ve been together for slightly over a year. So half that time he’s taken advantage of you financially, doesn’t respect you, makes fun of you for feeling justifiably sad, and makes fun of you for your job and salary. And it’s all happening because you’re letting it happen. You’re wanting him to change- which he isn’t going to do- instead of you seeing him for who he is. To start, no more him staying at your place and his dog needs to go to his place. He is not a teenager, he is a 28 year old man. Dump him. Stop paying for anything. Don’t try to make this relationship work. He is a loser and jealous of you.


Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 3 years, as of two nights ago we are on a break because she claims she doesn’t know if she wants anything serious, and needs to figure out what she wants, I expect I will be broken up with in a little bit here. This was my first relationship, my first actual love, she has treated me extremely poorly throughout most of the relationship, so originally I was not too distraught about breaking up, until I learned about the “man’s first love theory”, where basically every man never stops loving the first person they fell in love with, and I have since read about so many men who 5, 10, 20 years after breaking up with their first love they still wish they could go back to them, I even saw someone say that they were 40 with a wife and kids and still wish they were with their gf when they were 17. I am so scared this is going to happen to me, I do not want to compare her to every person that comes after her but I’m afraid I will, I’m afraid that losing her will ruin my life. Does anyone have any experience with this? Is this something I should be worried about? Or does everyone think this after their first break up? TL;DR Breaking up with my first gf of 3 years who treated me poorly, Im afraid of the theory that every man keeps loving their first love their entire life. Is this true? Should I be scared?

U shouldn't be scared it's not true. You have many loves in ur life the whole idea of first love is just romancized bs The real issue you should be focusing on, is why you want to date someone that treats you poorly? Why is there no requirements for your love? Why aren’t you trying to end this much sooner when you had poor treatment. You have a mutual low respect for you. That’s the real issue you have.


I know it hasn't been that long, but the first 5 months of the relationship were amazing. We clicked really well off the start, we took our time and didn't rush things, and things were overall really good. Around 5 months in is when things between us got really serious, and is when I noticed she was acting strange. She does this thing where she'll text me "good morning", "hey how are you", etc., just casual things to check in and start a conversation. I will reply reasonably quick, however, she will leave me on delivered for like 3-4 days. Then she'll finally respond, we'll have a small conversation where she would seem very interested, and finally one of us would set up a date for the weekend. After 4 weeks of this she left me on delivered for like a week, even after I double texted her . I finally texted her a third time asking her if everything was alright, because things have felt very off. She said she didn't know, but also felt she wasn't ready for a relationship. We had a quick phone call with no hard feelings and have gone on our way. Basically my question is why would she text me first, then just leave me on delivered for days at a time? I know none of you can read her mind, or know the exact situation, but this has been confusing the hell out of me. If anyone has a similar situation, or a hunch at what the answer could be, please let me know. thanks TLDR; After 5 months of a relationship, this girl will text first then leave me on delivered for days at a time. It has been confusing me and I want to know why she did that.

Wait u go days or a week without hearing from ur gf? Bro this doesn't sound like a relationship She doesn’t know. How would Reddit know? Maybe he wasn’t as into you as she wanted? She was doing what she thought was required and second guessing it or attention elsewhere.


TLDR: I slept with the sister of my close friend's wife before I've met my girlfriend and she can't accept it. It looks like we are gonna break up due to this problem. Do you know what would help in this situation? As you might have guessed from the title, I slept with the sister of a close friend's wife. This close friend and I consider each other cousins, but it's important to note that we are NOT blood relatives. The girl I slept with is rather promiscuous, not very smart, and definitely not a catch. When this happened, I didn't have much confidence and didn't consider myself much of a ladies' man. I slept with her years before I met my girlfriend, but this really bothers her. We are together for 2 years, but now it looks like it might be over. She doesn't have much confidence and feels like I don't care about the type of girl I'm with. She doesn't believe that I wouldn't just sleep with anyone who comes my way anymore. Of course, this isn't true, and I only desire my girlfriend. However, she can't seem to believe it. Whenever we have sex, she always thinks about what I did in the past, and it completely kills her mood. But I think this only happens after she orgasms because she always does. I suppose she wouldn't be able to if she were dwelling on it. It's been an issue for over a year now, and unfortunately, it seems like we've said our final goodbyes. But I still have hope. I love her very much and am deeply attached to her. Today she told me she needs an assertive man. Well, because of our problem, I haven't been able to provide that for her lately. I feel that if she had more confidence, this wouldn't be a problem, but of course, I can't be sure. Maybe that's not the case. What would you do in my situation? Do you have any ideas on how to overcome this problem? Do you think this can be fixed somehow?

Jesus dude did u have to drag the girl here for no reason? None of that was necessary to the story yet u still felt the need to attack? The fuck. Ok how did she rind this out? Usually talking about past relationships and/or sexual partners is a no no in current relationships. Besides I don't see what the big deal is as most people will have a sexual past. That seems odd.


I wanted to know if anyone on this sub has had experiences dating with HSV2 and how was it? If not would you consider dating someone with HSV2? If your not educated on the topic here’s a pdf:

Nope i would never. There is a OLD site called positive singles for people with Herpes and even HIV to date other positive people if you are concerned about any stigma or spreading the condition.


22M Just looking for advice on how to better accept my loneliness and the fact that I'm never going to be wanted. After years of trying and trying I've finally given up on dating and accepted that I'm incapable of being loved and nobody will ever want me. I asked out many girls, tried dating apps, went out on dates. All of it went nowhere for the last 5 years. 5 years of failure and rejection. I'm done. I get it. I'm worthless. I'm not allowed to be happy. I accept that. I Did so many things to try and improve myself and my desirability. I went to college and got a degree and got a decent job making good money for my age, got my own place, lost a lot of weight, got tattoos, bought a nicer, newer car since I was earning better money, put myself out there by hanging out with friends a lot, etc. Despite all this, I was still rejected all the time and have never had a gf. I'm done trying so hard for something I'll never have. I'm better off dead but I can't die for my familys sake. How do I better cope and accept this fate of mine? I've been looking into forcing myself to be apathetic and non caring anymore. Currently I just smoke weed and play video games to cope with things but it isn't working so great anymore. Any advice on this appreciated.

I understand the frustration with unsuccessful dating. For me it comes in waves: sometimes I can deal with it better than other times. What really helped me was taking the pressure out of dating. I definitely have a desire for a family and marriage, which put enormous pressure on me. Keep going out on dates! Now that I view them more calmly, it’s taken the stress away. Sure it’s still frustrating when it doesn’t pan out, but it is easier to deal with. Try viewing them as just talking to some people without pressuring yourself. Sorry that you’re in this situation. Idk if anything I’ve said is even good advice. I haven’t found the one yet, but it surely helped me. Best wishes! Hell brother, I’m 29m and still struggling with accepting this fate. What I do is spend time with friends, focus on work as much as possible, and just try to preoccupy my mind and time to keep it from coming up.


i have absolutely no idea how to talk to ppl, let alone a girl i like. what do i say to her after she added me back cuz i cant think of anything to talk about

Wait for her to post a story and then slide up saying something about it. Or just be a man and message her. Either be genuine or don't even attempt to talk


i absolutely adore and love this guy so much, we’re not officially in a relationship yet but we both say i love you and are loving with one another. however i find myself having severe anxiety around him, i have social anxiety disorder, so maybe that’s it. but i hear a lot of people say that your body will tell you when someone ISN’T right for you. you’ll get stomach pain, break out, not get sleep, and your appetite will decrease. i am hardly eating now, i get diarrhea a lot just from sheer anxiety, i’m breaking out, i can hardly sleep, and i have terrible stomach pain. he’s truly so wonderful and caring, extremely respectful and the whole nine yards, but with the way i feel i’m concerned it’s my body telling me he’s not right for me. consequently when you’re with the right person you’ll be getting sleep, you’ll glow, your color will come back, etc. what do we think?

It sounds like you just plain have anxiety/ocd issues and no relationship is going to fix that. If anything a relationship will make you MORE nervous lol. There's a lot of nuance to this, from what you're saying it doesn't seem like *he* is the cause of your anxiety and consequent problems , do you feel anxious when you're around him?


so me and my boyfriend were hanging out and he noticed my earrings, and theyr little hoops with a gem and they look like wedding rings. he was putting my hair behind my ear and noticed them and stopped in his tracks and got all flustered and said they looked like wedding rings.. then said he wish i could buy a wedding ring for each of my fingers… does he like me?!?!?


My gf and I have been seeing each other for about 8 months now, and I she told me from the beginning that she is horrible at decision making. Over our time together, there’s been a few occasions where it was easy for her to decide on something, but most often she cannot make a decision for the life of her. I’m not only talking about big life things, but all the way down to little things like what food to order and what to watch on tv. It stresses her out so much she begins to almost panic and have a some anxiety over it. It’s not all difficult for me to decide on things so it’s hard for me to relate, but it’s just wildly exhausting at times. Picking between a sandwich and a salad shouldn’t be as tiring as it seems to be.

If she has having panic attacks over simple decisions like food and tv... That's probably above your duty. That seems like therapy and medication kind of spot. Anyways, outside of that. You may be able to get her somewhere functional with some patience and hand holding. With time, relationships are going to come with heavier decisions, you need her to stand on her own and contribute. You know how to critically think and make decisions, teach her that process. My wife can be an overthinker and in constant need of my help for simple things. I found a patient approach actually gets me somewhere with her. The first time she asks for help, I demonstrate and explain. The second time, I monitor and direct where needed, but I expect her to actually attempt it instead of me doing it for her. By the third, she's got the hang of it and doesn't ask me about it anymore. Additionally, maybe take a leadership role and simplifying the decisions for her. For example: >What do you feel like eating tonight? Making it a wide decision for her to decide. That's where the trigger comes from. Go: >I feel like pizza or tacos tonight. Narrowing it down. Then, same thing. Remove the open ended question where she has to decide. >Anything against tacos? No? Okay... Lets have tacos. That would be a good step 1 to achieve. Step 2, introducing open ended questions where she has to give you input. You're eventually going to need her to get to that spot for the long run. Otherwise you're going to carry the mental load always, relationships need each-others input. This relationship is not going to work out as your gf needs some help in building herself before she can commit to any type of ship


I'm a friggin clean slate. I know NOTHING. I barely even have friends that aren't dudes. I need help getting started. I grew up in an household where emphasis was 1000% on school. safe to say, i "wasted" my time in uni in this regard where most date around and figure out what they want/need. I'm not a devoid of human contact per se, I'm still close with many of my friends, but I feel like theres a different kind of companionship shared with a significant other that I've i've never experienced, but I feel like I am missing in my life. looking for some advice from my fellow average dudes who had to get after it to find someone. questions i have are: 1. how to get into the dating scene 2. what are some/kind of places and activities that are conducive to finding potential dates 3. if i find a girl im potentially interested in, how do you approach without being creepy 4. how/when do you ask a girl out 5. whats the difference between dating and relationship 6. what're realistic expectations of dating and relationships 7. do I do the apps? i heard they suck 8. am i just approaching this all wrong apologies if these sound like stupid highschool questions. I literally dont know anything. About me: 28M Straight reasonably athletic average in every way minus height certified 5/10 North American Pretty introverted until playing sports mega homebody white collar desk job, very little opportunities to go out and meet others dont drink, party, or club. not my scene im the broiest bro to ever bro TL;DR average asian dude has never gone on a date and wants not end life being literally forever alone

Downside is that the dating market is pretty brutal right now. Many women are dating/screwing like Harvey Weinstein these days. We shot past the goal of equality and went straight into reverse toxic masculinity. If you're just getting started, the first thing to figure out is what your goal in having relationships is going to be and then not to date anyone that has a different goal. Better to be single than to get laid by a girl who's going to use you and then abandon you after you fall in love with her. Try a matchmaker


The meme is the one where people say, when Asian women date outside their race it’s only white guys. Just want to make it clear that I don’t believe in making generalizations about people. I don’t use the meme and it’s just something I keep running into online. Also I hope that this doesn’t turn into a type vs fetish conversation lol. For simplicity let’s just say external factors are the reason why I have a type. For context I’m a hispanic male in mid 20s. Like I know that it’s extremely common and there is nothing wrong with it. But I also realize that an extreme generalization about people does not apply to everyone. Since I know of people that break the stereotype. I’ve also been involved in situations that go against this stereotype. I feel in my case there have been a couple instances where things don’t work out for an unexplainable reason. Then the brain looks for random things that could explain why things did not work out.

Perhaps getting off the Internet will be helpful. Tell us more about your dates and your dating life and I bet we can point your brain on the right direction 😉


I am Never had a female friends only guys friends and because of this I never had an interaction with girls when it's comes to dating. I had one date back in 2022 and this date gone terribly. Since than I never dated a girl. Nowadays I have one female friend that we constantly talking and hanging out every and than but she is taken as up recently. I hate myself that I couldn't develop and overcome the fear of asking a girl out . I think I am gonna be this friend in the group who's stays single forever.

Do you and your guy friends hang out? You can go to bars or do things you like to meet women. I’m 30 and still both of the above…if that makes you feel even a little bit better. Wouldn’t say I’m happy about it but hoping it will change one day!


i have been dating a guy for 7 months consistently. 2 nights ago we had plans to see each other but he got off work later than anticipated so we decided to wait until the following day. he told me he’d call me before bed. he never called me and i called him a few times and he never replied which was weird. he texted me yesterday morning saying that he had just fallen asleep etc. later in the afternoon yesterday , we were out and i noticed a small spot on his neck that looked like a hickey. he denied it being a hickey but i kept pushing him and he eventually told me that he had slept with someone else, the night before . my entire world shattered in that moment and i was inconsolable. we have spent nearly every single day together for the last 7 months. his justification was that he’d rather “get it out of his system now” because he “wants to be with me long term”. i don’t even know what to say. i am crushed. i have been crying to the point where i can’t breathe for the last 12 hours. he keeps telling me how he “likes me so much and wants a serious future with me hence why he did this now before things continue to progress”, but that’s BS to me. we have already invested 7 months into one another. i can’t even fathom him inviting another girl over and having sex with her while i laid in bed calling him just bc i wanted to hear his voice before i fell asleep. i am crushed. genuinely, i have never felt so much emotional pain in my life. i keep picturing him inside her and i can’t eat, i can’t sleep, i can’t focus, i cannot stop crying. he shattered my heart. my question is, how do i move forward? how do i make sense of his “justification” for sleeping with someone 7 months into our relationship? he knows i have a history of being cheated on twice prior and this just feels like the biggest betrayal of them all. the mental imagine of him making love to another woman in the bed he’s held me in for 7 months has me in sheer agony. i feel beyond broken.

Beautiful girl. I have been in this place. As hard as it is, when you have your strength back, it might take you days/weeks but I hope you leave this man. If he can do this now, it won't get better, although he will say it will. If he loved you enough we wouldn't risk losing you to get something out of his system. In fact he wouldn't need that at all. These men never learn esp when girls stay and basically allow them to get away with this behaviour and or excuses. Take the time you need though, you may not be able to do this right now and that's ok. At the moment it's just grieving and survival. Do you have friends you can lean on? Thinking of you x I won’t wish being cheated on, on my worst enemy. Its absolute bs that he wanted to get it out of his system. The relationship is new. Sex between you two should be the most desirable. He knows your history of being cheated on. Unfortunately, you met a douche that took what you shared with him as a blue print. Some guys see what you been through as something you will tolerate. You have to draw the line and end it. Do not allow it. Cheating has no justification and very rarely do relationships make it after infidelity.


I'm very new to dating. I never dated or have ever been in a relationship just due to me being very introverted and extremely shy growing up, but I've recently starting growing out of that shell more and I've made a few dating app profiles to get started. I'm just wondering if it's something I should be straight forward about to possible matches, and if it might be something that might be a red flag or just a turn off in general.

You don't openly tell anyone. If they ask then maybe you can tell them. Women may judge and will consider it a red flag and a turn off more so then if the roles were flipped. Just have to find someone whose understanding, doesn't care, and/or in the same boat No, you shouldn't do that. It would be comparable to you approaching a woman, and immediately apologize e.g. for being shy, or for not being eloquent, or for being quite nervous, or for daring to be in her presence. All of that comes out of a bad mindset, that apologetic, fear-fueled, pleasing-mode mindset. Any woman with half a brain, and also any man with half a brain, will understand quite well, that in these times many, many men are not only vastly less experienced than most women , but often have zero experience. And, yes, women, by and large, prefer men with experienced because women don't like to take the lead in seduction. Most of them don't want to that, don't like to do that, fear doing that even more than you and also find it considerably more exciting if and when the man does that. But, experience isn't as important as the will to take action. Balls are considerably more potent in such contexts as having experience. Experience alone will not be enough for any random mean that already fucked 5 girls to approach this one girl he likes or to make a move on the dates. He might have a bit easier time to find his balls because he knows he already had balls in the past most likely. But, it is the will to take action that is the most decisive varible. Explaining what you believe you're lacking in to 'apologize' or to generate empathy on the side of the woman is all weak. You don't wanna do that. All this BS you might have heard about men opening up,being vulnearable, showing their feelings and emotions is all shit. Women like it when a man can be strong, has balls, can take initiative. And, lucky for you, possibly 75 % of women do not require you to be ultra smooth, ultra confident, ultra experienced. But, what 99,9 % of woman want, is that a guy isn't a complete coward with zero balls. Doesn't matter that you have zero experience. Ask her if you can kiss her in a good moment after maybe 1 or 2 dates. Never later. Asking is not that good, but still vastly better than doing nothing, and it can work with quite a few women. Once you kissed a few girls or one girl for a longer time, a few dates and you then meet alone, it's gonna lead to sex. Once you experience that a few times, you already have experience.


So my partner isn't happy the fact that I would lie about eating unhealthy or when I am at a low I drink and then not tell her the truth when she asks. She said if I can lie about this then I can lie about everything else. Tho I said there a morals and bottom lines about these as I am not an alcoholic or anything, I hide it because I don't want to disappoint her or for her to tell me I am weak or I am an emotional eater. However she took it very seriously. So I am hoping if you guys can give me some advice about this situation.

She’s right. Why are you lying at all? If you plan to be unhealthy then own it. Let her decide if she wants that. Be honest with yourself. Your word either means something or it does not. I mean yea it's not crazy to think that if ur going to lie about little things ull have no issue lying about big things. Also healthy ppl don't hide drinking or eating


I and Husband have been together 4 years and don't know what the problem is. I just get completely disgusted when we kiss, touch, have sex. This has been going on for about 2 years. We have been together for 4. When we first got together, it was like rabbits. For the last 2 years, I don't like the feeling of sex itself, I don't like even being touches. It's gotten worse recently. It's crazy because romantically I find him intoxicating. I love him so much for who he is, but I'm not equally attracted to him sexually, i think. I don't know if it's him specifically or sex in general. I went to the doctor about it. I've only had sex with one other person and the feeling was similar. My doctor suggested porn together and masturbation but it didn't really work. Any suggestions or thoughts?

First, find a new doctor. Then find out if you have a hormonal imbalance. This happened to me, and we worked through it with medication and therapy. I am still not interested in sex a lot, but once we start with the foreplay, I can warm to it, and we are intimate weekly. What doctor suggests porn as a solution lol Don't listen to that doctor because this doesn't seem to be a constructive advice and I don't think it has any medical backing either. You probably don't like sex because of a hormonal imbalance. Get your estrogen and progesterone levels checked.


Hi, So I am really curious, if u have commitment issues, what is it exactly that you are afraid of? What is the fear? I would like to understand more about it!

I honestly don’t know. I tried dating couple of people. But at this point of my life I’m afraid of being the high effort guy for bare minimum. I see a lot of couples in my life where the girls/wife’s do a lot for the relationships: initiative affection, calls, kisses, organize events and so on. And the guys do 1/10th of effort at best while still acting entitled . I was used to getting so little of this while breaking my back for my partners that at this point I promised myself to never do it again. The moment I feel like the date or the relationship is effort I want out, and right now it is really easy for me to feel it. Commiting everything to someone to have them do what my ex did and leave overnight for no reason without warning. Lost my home my business premises loads of cash and broke my heart. My head stops me committing in a practical sense as I don't want the same problems, my heart stops me as I don't want more trauma. I'd say everyone will commit once until they've been burned, after that you've got to earn their trust.


My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and we have lived together for 7 months. We have had a LOT of issues in our relationship, mostly done by him and his addictions. I’ve decided to stay and help him get through his issues, even if that means hurting myself in the process. There has been porn addiction and online sexting that has happened throughout our entire relationship up until February when I found out. Because of this, I am extremely cautious and a little self conscious about myself and the way I look. Yesterday, he showed me a text from his friend. It was a gif. When I looked at the entire screen, his friend sent him a video of women in lingerie dancing with light sabers . My boyfriend’s response was “we need to go to the strip club lol”. We went to sleep after. Today he asked me what was wrong; and I said “I want to tell you, but you’re going to be annoyed.” And he said “just tell me”. So I told him seeing that text made me uncomfortable and I didn’t like that his friend felt okay with sending him a video of women in lingerie dancing. And I didn’t like his response, as I’m not okay with him going to a strip club or entertaining other women. He immediately got defensive and started cussing saying “I’m never going to the fucking strip club, if anyone texts me like that I will respond with ‘fuck you my girlfriend doesn’t like these texts. Loose my number you piece of shit’ I know you hate this friend and you told me you never want to hang out with him again. I only talk to him at work and he sometimes texts me weird fucking shit”. I started holding my hands up because he was borderline yelling and I stood up and he said “you know what. You stay in here I’ll fucking go downstairs”. I almost feel bad for being upset because he didn’t intend for me to see that part of his texts . I know that’s a “guy” thing to do but he’s 40 and has hurt me and my ego countless times by entertaining other women. Mind you, I was calm. I know I should have said something yesterday when it happened, but I also attended my grandpas funeral yesterday so my emotions were all over the place. I knew he would get annoyed which is why I don’t like to tell him what’s wrong with me, and he proved me right. I don’t really know what to do or how to go from here. I ended up taking a bubble bath and the bathroom door is closed. What should be my next move?

Girl you're dating a man child. GTFO now bc you can't fix him. Focus that attention on yourself and your own happiness..there is a reason men like that can't date women their own age and it isn't bc he chooses to Why would you stay with someone who treats you like this? You need to find a therapist and seek some help for your self esteem , YOU deserve better than this man child


Hi Reddit, I'm in a really tough spot right now and could use some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for over three years. We both have a strict no-clubbing policy to avoid anything that might jeopardize our relationship. He recently moved to Italy, and I'm in Asia. During the early stages of our relationship, I went to a few parties because my friends forced me. He made a huge fuss about it and even threatened me, despite knowing I’m not a party person. Fast forward to now, he shared his iCloud ID with me so I could help him fix his LinkedIn and make professional accounts on Behance. While doing this, I saw videos of him at a club, zooming in on girls, and also noticed verification codes for Tinder and Hinge on his email. When I confronted him, he got furious, accused me of being suspicious for no reason, and claimed it was an old video his friend shared with him. I know it wasn't an old video because the event took place last night, as confirmed by his Google Maps location. He also mentioned that boys do this kind of stuff and share it with their friends, but the timestamps on the videos were just 15 minutes apart. This is making me very suspicious. Additionally, he's been going to pubs where girls are apparently asking him for hookups, and he's receiving emails from OnlyFans. I'm devastated, and my mind keeps replaying that video. My hands are shaking, and I'm having panic attacks. I don’t know how to process this or what to do next. Any advice on how to move forward and confront him would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

You can't move forward from that. You two had a strict no-clubbing policy. And you couldn't have more proof... He's also on tinder, onlyfans, etc... LDR Hilarious to say you're suspicious when you have proof. Why are you wasting your time on this? Just curious, whose idea was it originally to have a strict no partying policy? He's actively cheating on you. Dating sites? I mean, if it hasn't gotten physical YET then it's only because he hasn't had to chance to yet. And he's obviously not following the "no clubbing" boundary. There's no point in confronting him. He's obviously lying to you, and will just continue to do so. Just break up. ...And get tested.


Recently, I met a girl who will hang out talk to each other go places together, hold hands with kiss and we hang on during the night because apparently she's busy with her friends most of the time I ask her out to hang out every time I try to ask her to hang out. She says that she has plans with her friends, so does that mean I'm a back up guy someone she could use for companionship because she has no one to talk to about her feelings apparently she text me recently that she misses me and she wants to see me have supposed to hang out Friday to go on a date, but she canceled Last minute because she was sick from her stomach for my bullshit because the day before she went to a friend she hasn't seen came into town so yeah what do you guys think? Just think I'm getting used or use as a back up guy because I feel like if she only wants to hang out during the night or during the day she probably embarrass me because she might be in a relationship with someone because I don't think I'm bad looking I'm sick too. I go to the gym. I work out I play for. I'm pretty funny most people said and I'm pretty cool to hang out. What are you guys think? I'm being used or not

How long have you been dating with this girl? I do think it’s kind of a red flag that she hasn’t just included you in her plans with her friends. When my boyfriend and I started dating, I wanted to see him as much as possible. sometimes I had plans with my friends and instead of standing him up, I asked my friends if it was okay if he came. Being the hidden boyfriend/guy she’s dating isn’t the ideal situation. If she’s holding your hand in privet, she should be holding it in public too. You should communicate with her then! It’s not cool at all that she’s doing this to you time and time again. If she’s truly interested in you then she would make the time when it’s convenient for both of you.


I’ve been seeing this guy since October 2023. We’ve been dating for a while now, but whenever I bring up the idea of being boyfriend and girlfriend, he seems really hesitant. I was OK with it at first because I thought he would come around but now it’s very apparent that he probably will never. I want to tell him in person that I don’t want to see him anymore, but he is a New York for the next couple of days. He invited me to come up, which is really tempting but because he seems hesitant to commitment I kind of don’t want to spend any more time together. Should I wait for him to return or should I FaceTime or text him that I don’t want to see him anymore before he gets back?

Just text him, keep it short and sweet. He had since October to figure out what he wants and that's a pretty long time so Are you exclusive? If yes, do you really need to put on a label as bf/gf?


My BF of 10 years wants to have sex with someone else. For context, we have bother never dated anyone else and are each other's firsts. This year I have decided to take the plunge and move in with him as I felt like I was finally ready to settle down and this was a very big step for me. My boyfriend has recently told me that he has been having thoughts about having sex with someone else / other people. He said he's been on his mind for a while now and won't go away and he had finally decided to tell me but initially didn't because he was scared of ruining a good thing. He said he loves me and wants to be with me and this it is purely a physical fascination and it'll be once. He also encourages me to do the same but I do not have that desire. This topic briefly came up a few years back but I didn't want to go through with it and we dropped the matter. When he told me he still wants to explore having sex with someone else I was initially cautious but open to it because I thought I/we were mature enough to do this and that it would be one time but honestly its been an emotional rollercoaster and I am not sure if I can last the relationship. He is currently away on a big trip and we had discussed and decided that this trip is where he will do his 'exploring'. I thought if it were contained in a place far away I would be able to cope better but it's been really hard. Sometimes I am so upset / angry that I am compromising my values and sometimes I feel okay. I feel like I've finally decided to move in and settle down with him and he has decided he wants to explore which in my mind does not feel like he is committed to me and this relationship. A lot of thoughts in my brain include what if this isn't a one-time thing, what if I resent him forever? He has been my first and only boyfriend and it is terrifying to think of starting all over again when I have finally made the decision to settle down with him. This has been something hard to discuss with close friends and I feel like no one has been through anything similar. I'm so conflicted and could really use some advice / other perspectives

You guys will need major couples counseling after this. If it bothers you so much, that is totally fine, but come on, you shouldnt have "allowed" him to do some exploring, if it mentally tears you apart. How can he guarantee you that its a one time thing? He cant. This relationship is over.


You can scroll through my previous post about the history of my father but a quick rundown. Since I was young he used to show me this woman and do a shh motion to indicate I shouldn’t tell my mom. They ended up getting a divorce and towards the end of my parents marriage he wasn’t even trying to hide it anymore. She was the other woman. He brought her over to our country and started a life with her. She’s defo younger but not sure by how much. Anyways. My brother M22 was raised quite oblivious to why our parents marriage ended. Hes always been protected in that sense. In life in general tbh. Meanwhile from young I got exposed early to porn, my father’s affair and PTSD from loud noises of my parents arguing. Life was never stable for me since. Anyways fast forward to today. The dust has settled a little bit since all that stuff went down. Till I went to visit my father. I saw her stomach swollen up and he told me he had news. My heart just sank and it felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. He saw my blank look and started frowning and provoked me to answer. I told him about my concerns that he’s getting old, and needs to be more careful but more about the fact that I feel like this child is his way of getting revenge on “his old life” whenever he sees us I know he’s reminded of his failed marriage, and this is his way out. I told him that we barely have a functional relationship as it is and now he wants to bring a new kid into the world, it’s a recipe for neglect. Even as well when it comes to things like money and child support cos I have a younger sister too, he’s very inconsistent with that and it’s always a problem for him, now a whole child??? We’re never gonna see a penny. As if it already wasn’t hard enough. I don’t see him very often cos life gets in the way and college. But idk maybe I’m being spiteful. The other woman said to me “what do you want me to do remove it?” I’m currently sat in my brothers car busting into tears and not sure what to do, how can I make my father see it from my point of view?

Here's what you do- double down on being an adult. Study, earn money, be sure your sister has what she needs as best you can, and live your best life. Set some healthy boundaries so you can thrive. You know exactly who your dad is. Move on and heal. Unfortunately, you can’t control other people. There’s no way to make him see things from your perspective. I know that sucks. I had a freakishly similar experience to yours. Over the years reading many many self help books and several therapists later, I’ve come to understand that I just have to accept it. Easier said than done, but not impossible. Some people are just shitty, and some of those shitty people just happen to be our family members. Sending hugs ♥


My girlfriend and I are in a huge fight right now. We've been together for two years and love each other but keep fighting over little things. She was mostly saying I should change how I did some stuff. I'll be honest: I really should work on many things and have been trying to. It's just that I seem to always fall back into the habit of doing those things again. She tells me about them by not saying anything many of the first times I do it or getting mad and just saying it's okay when I ask about it. Then we talk about it, and it blows up because she's been holding it in for so long, and it's not making her feel good. I keep telling her that it would work so much better if she told me upfront when I did those things to knock it off, but she's telling me she does, and she doesn't understand what l'm saying. She doesn't bring them up the next day or way later after I've done whatever l've done. She doesn't mention many specifics about what I did . When she tells me about it after the fact, I try to look out for it, but I don't realize it's happening until it's too late and we have the conversation again. One time, she glared at me when I talked over her. I had a habit that annoyed her, and every time she glared at me, I recognized the problem and almost completely stopped. Back to the argument, she says she does tell me right after, but she doesn't. She waits until we are together anymore at home and texts me about it. She says she's "not confrontational," but I don't think letting a partner know what they're doing is wrong, especially when I asked for it as confrontation. I understand it's frustrating when you keep bringing something up and nothing changes but i'm trying to tell her a solution and she's telling me she doesn't understand. How do I tell her that communication should be constant when she doesn’t believe?

She is not your mother. She should not have to communicate every goddamn time you do something if you tell her you'll stop doing it. Stop doing it. Don't rely on her to keep reminding you. She's tired of it, of course she's pissed. Honestly it sounds like ur the issue. She wouldn't have to communicate so much if just stopped doing the things again


My fiancé and I are currently on vacation together with our 10 month old and I need some clarification. We were getting back in the car after a walk and I asked for my water, he gave me a water bottle and I took a swing out of it. He then realized that was his, but before giving me mine to me he said he needed to make it half and half so he took a swing out of my water before giving it to me. I was in shock. But this behavior is normal coming from him. Is this normal? He said he grew up in a way that his parents always did half and half with his sister. He wants half and half with everything, and I just think that doesn’t work in a relationship. Any advice? Do I need to be more open minded to how he grew up or will this never work and I need to ask him to change his perspective of things?

That’s….bizarre. I mean, it’s common behavior for young children to want everything to be equal and fair. I can recall my mom lining up 3 glasses to pour juice in and we kids would be there making sure it was equal. But he is 32 FFS not 5. There's a difference between sharing relationship responsibilities and being petty and childish. If a man sees his partner is thirsty and instead of thinking, "Let me get her water, so she feels better," and instead thinks, "I can't share my water with her. It would be unfair to allow her to have more to drink than I have," that is an emotionally immature, selfish, cruel human being who is incapable of basic human decency and empathy. Be very cognizant of the lessons this man is going to teach your child. I would not pursue marriage until there was serious, intense couples counseling.


I met someone on a dating app 2 months ago and since then, we've been on 3 dates. We haven't seen each other for a month now and talking to him over the phone is shit. He's a dry texter, and I mean DRY. He replies once a day. He said he prefers talking in person, which I did notice from those 3 dates. I should mention that we met on an adult dating app, which basically are just for hookups, fwb's, etc. But, on those 3 dates, nothing really happened. It was just a wholesome and fun hangout/date for me but I enjoyed them. We haven't talked since last week when I tried to make plans and he said he wanted to rest instead. Personally, I understand that, but I can't help but overthink this as him not wanting to go out with me anymore? I recently got on another dating app and I came across his profile. I know he has a profile on that app as he's told me before so i wasnt surprised. I was just wondering if it would be okay to start another conversation with him and tell him that I came across his profile on that app? Or would that be too creepy? or desperate? or what?

I mean you had to create an account and go up there to even see it. Idk what you plan on getting out of bringing this up. I would just not mention it. it doesn’t really matter what you say to him tbh. you’re not exclusive and you’re both doing your thing as you said you’re on an app for fwb, etc. however if you’re not having sex then there’s really not much to talk about imo unless feelings change for either of you. if you’re not getting what you want, ask for it or move on


Dating for 1.5 years and intimacy has been very minimal because “antidepressants took his sex drive”. We were semi open because we always agreed sending nudes was not an issue. As for physical encounters we could talk about it. He knows I am not asexual but that I am waiting for him and his times with his own self journey. We are on a trip for Pride parade. Something he always wanted to attend to but never could, last week he was sad we couldn’t come because I am in a difficult moment money-wise. He told me how sad he was and I immediately spent money I don’t have on the trip. Went clubbing, got drunk, came back and I checked his phone while he slept and found out texts from last week. The day before the infidelity happened he had told me he could not invite me to his house because his room was messy. Then in the texts I found he offers his house for the hookup, went to pick the guy up at 3am and returned him at 6 and even paid him. At 5am he texted me he was watching a movie. I am repulsed at the thought he was watching it with the guy on his bed. I’ve been distant all day. We go back to our city tomorrow and I don’t know if I should talk about it now and end the trip in a weird way, or wait until we are home.

That guy has you but won’t have sex but has no problem buying sex? You should be grateful you haven’t been fucking this dude. I am sorry he has been leading you on for nothing, idk what this guys endgame is with this relationship with you if he doesn’t want to be serious, you should just dump him when you guys get back or leave ahead of him please speak up, there’s no excuse for cheating


Hi! So I’m 19 years old and I’ve been on dating apps for about 9 months now. I’ve been on about 30 first dates with 30 different guys. About 10 of them have turned into longer flings . But every situation has ended after about 3 weeks. I’ve never had something last longer than a month. but It’s still very draining on my mental health to constantly go through the spiral of getting my hopes up on a new guy just for it to end like the rest of them. I can’t help but think something is wrong with me and it’s an emotional spiral that I don’t know how much more of it I can take. I know the easy answer is to get off the apps but I want to be in a relationship, I just don’t know how much more of the ups and downs of dating I’m able to take. And any new guy I start talking to, I just think to myself that he’s gonna end up like all of the rest of them. Is this a normal experience? And how can I protect my mental health going through this process?

yeah its a normal experience. im a little older and no longer get excited with new matches. most of the time the women dont respond, take forever to respond. if they do, its a dry conversation and all they do is answer questions. STOP DATING APP. It meant to get you addicted and never truly connect in the first place, because it's fleeting by nature. Find some hobbies that attract both gender, make friends there, goes to party and find a boyfriend THERE ! Fuck online dating.


I’m starting to search for a more longterm thing, would i be fooling myself if I get intimate early on like I have when looking for casual fwb type relationships? Like first through 3rd date is that going to either only attract people looking for casual stuff or like put me in a box where I won’t be seen as a good candidate for a girlfriend? But on the other hand, if someone is looking for something more serious and I don’t sleep with them early on then will they think we are not compatible? Some people think you gotta get the emotional stuff started or a good friendship basis. How true has that been for y’all?

No it doesn’t but you should hold off on it if you’re genuinely looking for a serious relationship This way you can sift through incompatible partners BEFORE getting feelings involved Hasn't been true for me at all. I hooked up with my partner as soon as we saw each other again after some years. We started our relationship then and there. When it clicks well it's almost natural.


I have been with my bf for about 3 years,we met on a dating app when we were freshly 18. Throughout the years he has had a lot of home life issues which caused him to be jobless and homeless for a bit. He is a good man but just seems to have been dealt with the worst cards in life. Here’s my issue, he moved in suddenly with me and my folks about a year ago. We agreed to split the bills and rent as long as he worked. He had a job for about 6-7 months then quit and went on a trip with his friends. I embarrassingly lent him money for the trip since he didn’t have enough to cover his half. He didn’t get a job till about 4-5ish months later. Which left me paying for just about everything, Including his half of rent. He unfortunately didn’t have any money saved either, even after being payed weekly. He used daily pay constantly even after I expressed my concerns with his financial decisions. I love him very much but I think its finally time to break it off. The thing is that I worry about where he will go after if I do break up with him. He has no nearby family and I worry about his mental health. Financial problems have been a constant strain in the relationship, I work a decent job and make enough for us to scrape by but it has been starting to eat away at my savings. Even at the beginning of our relationship ive been the one paying, even when I only worked for minimum wage. I understand how expensive moving out can be and I worry that I’ll just be putting him out on the streets. I try my best to understand how he must be feeling about our current circumstances but I feel as if it’s costing me my mental health and well being. How do I approach this with him?

You guys are so young and you don't owe him figuring out his life for him. We are all responsible for ourselves. You have already done more than enough housing him and paying for his rent/letting him live with you. Do you see yourself with him long-term? Don't allow any guilt on what cards both of you were dealt with and just do what's best for you. Anything could happen in the future, and you may regret allowing him to take advantage of you for so long. Leave that beta guy and choose a real man this time.


Me and my partner has been together for one and a half years. It is my first relationship and we spend all our time together since we are both in the same uni. The two of us would spend so much time together that both of our social circles diminished. One the extreme end, for me in particular, I have been trying to avoid socialising or even keeping in touch with my close friends for months. Before my relationship with my partner, I'm the sort of introverted person who would enjoy their time alone, but would still crave for social interaction periodically depending on my mood, as I enjoy making new friends, getting to know them and forming meaningful bond with them. But for the past 3 months or more, I haven't had the slightest motivation to talk to anyone but my partner. I even started ghosting my closest friend from all the way back in high school, it almost feels like a chore to talk to anyone but my romantic partner. I know this sounds very unhealthy, and it really is. Now I'm barely in touch with any of my friends. To them, it probably felt like i fell off the surface of the earth lol. My social life has been damaged to a point where I basically don't have anyone to hang out with and worst of all, I DO NOT WANT to talk to them despite knowing how problematic is it to not have a social like beyond your partner. But i genuinely do not want to have fun in the absence of my partner because it makes me feel guilty whenever i do have fun without them. For example, if i am part of very enjoyable conversation, I would constantly wish that my partner is here and it would sometimes make me feel extra guilty whenever I sense myself starting to enjoy a conversation or someone's company. In a fucked up way, it almost feels like I'm cheating on my partner by having fun without them. Therefore I sometimes find me unconsciously disallowing myself to have a social life outside my relationship. Why am i feeling this way? has anyone else felt guilty for making new friends/having fun when your romantic partner is not around? How can I stop feeling this way as it is obviously very unhealthy? Please help, need advice!

This sounds incredibly co dependent. This sounds like u need therapy. I think the new relationship energy, especially since it’s your first one, is skewing things for you away from healthy and into really codependent. It’s healthy to have your own friends, hobbies, and interests in addition to those you share with your partner. Abandoning all other relationships and making your partner your sole person is not healthy. It’s okay to wish to share things with a partner but this is over the top. What you’re experiencing isn’t that uncommon for young people but it usually blows up. Either your partner feels smothered or you end things and have no one on your team left as they’ve moved on without you. You might want to talk to a therapist.


We’ve been official for about 3.5 months but dated and knew each other before that, we both love each other and it was such a perfect relationship, and even though we argued very rarely about things it was always calm and kind and led to a deeper understanding of each other. A few days ago we had a big fight based on a lack of understanding of each other, and it led to us explaining to one another why we feel the way we feel and made us so much closer. But the fight scared me and left me feeling like I was taking the blame for all of it when in reality the whole situation was bad and truly blameless. Because I’m stupid and immature I started to try and blame her for the fight because I couldn’t handle the fault for it even though she never even blamed me, I just felt like she did. This ended up hurting her and didn’t even make me feel better, it just made me realize that I have a lot of problems that I need to fix. Because I didn’t feel better and I was stressed about everything that I needed to fix I was super irritable and felt like I was getting mad at her, and I didn’t know why and she felt it and it obviously hurt her, and I tried so hard to explain it to her but I just couldn’t because I didn’t understand it at the time. Eventually after a long time of thinking and writing down everything that I feel I managed to understand why I felt the way that I did, and I only felt irritated by her because I was so overwhelmed and stressed out by so many things that were centered around her, but weren’t any fault of her own. So while I was hurting her because I couldn’t put my feelings aside, she was comforting me and talking me through everything and trying to understand me and fix me and make everything work. And I kept telling her how sorry I was for hurting her and how horrible I felt for not being able to put my feelings aside and just show my love for her, but for some reason she forgave me and comforted me and still loved me and so now I feel like the biggest pos right now and I have no idea what I can do. She loves me so much and she’s so kind and caring and good and she’s an angel and I hurt her and I know she forgives me but I put a lot of strain on her and on our relationship and I just have no idea how to fix this.

Bro this text was convoluted as fuck! It seems like you have a hard time figuring out how you feel when dealing with negative emotions, and/or managing them. You are aware of it, which is a good start though. My advice for you is to tell her you are sorry and think about a way to digest stressors in a more effective way. You can even ask her for help, although you shouldn't rely on it . You probably need some space to process everything before actually reacting. What that initial incident was about, you left that out. I'll respect it but its useful information. Anyways... You're together for 3.5 months romantically, that's brand new. Hard to say if you two even have a sense of "normal" because it has not been established yet. Experience together is what creates "normal"... And this is the first moment you had in your relationship, it won't be the last. Shit like this is what actually takes relationships to deeper levels. Actual experience together. The goal is to do better next time. Really smoothing the relationship out so there is only positive energy. Mistakes are bound to happen and its just a part of figuring each-other out. A great thing here is your self reflection. Something negative happened. You two talked about it. Sorted it out. Thought about how you can do better next time. Reflecting on yourself. That's a good recipe. Some just say sorry and its out of their mind. Repeating the same thing next encounter. Stuck in the same loop. Your path results in conflicts bringing the couple closer together. You learn from each-other, make up, take some homework for the road, desiring to better the realtionship next time around. Conflict resolution that introduces deeper understanding and being in tune with things; actually developing it. For a spot like yours, I would try to wrap things up. Don't drag things out longer than it needs to be. Say you're sorry again... And then take her out and enjoy each-others company. Go have some fun together and get back into a positive groove. I am sure the next time you will be more self-aware in the moment and go: >Okay, last time I did this and I failed miserably. I want to do better this moment and keep this at a more tame moment. Wrap this situation up. Treat her our to your company and have a good time together, learn to put it to rest. It was already discussed and settled, now get back into having fun.


Got broken up with after a month and a half of a relationship. It was great and we were having a great time getting to know each other. Then all of a sudden, He was panicking about the future and was freaking out about the prospect of getting married. I assured him that I wasn’t trying to marry him or move in with him and that I liked him but that was not on my radar at the moment. He seemed assured at that comment initially but still freaked out about it and ended things. I never mentioned the future once, but he made me feel like I was trying to put a ring on it. I can’t think of what I could have done for him to act like this. Why would a guy freak out about marriage so early into a relationship?

You sound like a stage 5 clinger. Just kidding. Who cares, good riddance to the bozo, bullet dodged. Sounds like maybe he had a lot of pressure from his family. Maybe he is the only one left who hasn’t gotten married yet so he felt pressure from someone


not a lie title sounds as bad as it is 😂 context she came home early i had tank top on and a pair of knickers 🤦♂ realistically is it over between us ? i’m 22 and she’s 25 been together 2 and a half years

The fictional stories belong in a different subreddit. Is she mad because you ruined her knickers or about you wearing women’s clothes at all? If this is a kink for you then you should probably try to explain what about it turns you on. Otherwise, she might be imagining all sorts of incorrect things about why you were wearing her underwear. If you stretched out her knickers then you should offer to replace them.


So I just went on a date with this girl who was really nice and friendly, but I didn’t really feel a romantic interest in them kind of a friendship feeling? Not sure if it’s because of the date location being a theme park or if it’s how I feel. She’s transferring colleges to another state later this year so I also almost don’t see the point in trying to get to know her if she’s leaving? Am I wrong for thinking that? Idk what to do, she’s really nice and I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I also am not sure if going out again is a good idea?

Are you looking for a “spark” to feel some kind of rush or fill some kind of void in yourself? It can be challenging to find good genuine people, she seems to be one. There is no harm in going on a 2nd date if you generally enjoyed her company. Maybe she felt a friend vibe too and it will be just that. Sometimes first dates are awkward. If it’s an absolute “no” for you then it’s probably best to let her know you aren’t interested in seeing her again. Just be honest with her and say that you didn’t really feel the connection and/or that you made up your mind that you don’t want to start anything with her because she is moving away. If you don’t tell her now it’ll just be a more uncomfortable conversation later down the road.


I have been talking to this guy for about a week and a half. I’ve met up with him twice, our personalities mesh well, we text everyday and he always wishes me a good morning. I asked him on Wednesday if he was free to meet up on Sunday. He said “hell yeah”. So on Saturday I texted him to confirm the plans for Sunday and he said that “something came up” and he ended up hanging out with some of his friends that were leaving for college to take summer classes. While I understand that we only recently just met and I am not a priority, I can’t help but feel upset by this. He ditched me knowing we had made plans, didn’t apologize for the sudden change of plans, and didn’t offer an alternative date to hang out. I’m not sure if I’m being overly sensitive or if my feelings are proportionate to the situation.

You’re not being overly sensitive. Take it as a sign to not get too attached. Make sure you have your own hobbies and make sure to change plans on him too. Would be a deal breaker for me - not the changing plans but leaving it until I asked the night before


So long story short, 6th of june we had unprotected sex. She is on birth control. The thing is she is not really consistent with the BCs cause she always goes to volleyball training and ends at the evening and once she arrives home, she is too tired to even do anything she just sleeps. She would take the pill she missed on the next day and then yeah. Now, she just had a breakthrough bleeding and we are both anxious cause of the “what ifs” I didn’t finish inside her so it lessens the chances. She doesn’t wanna take a pregnancy test because shes too scared to. Her last period was 17th of May to the 23rd of May. Women of TikTok what does it mean?

If she cannot take the pill in the evening why isn’t she taking it in the morning… Take a test. That’s how you find out. Take. The. Test. Get answers NOW or hide your heads in the sand and have to deal with more serious consequences later.


I will go first; leave if the energy is not being reciprocated and don't make others convince you that your boundaries are negotiable

If something feels wrong at first then leave asap. Trust your intuition. It took me forever to realize this: Don’t place someone at a higher value than yourself. When you start seeing someone new, and feel a connection that you haven’t felt for a while, it’s so easy to fall hard and fast for them. BUT, when/if they start to pull away - let them pull away. Don’t play hard to get, but just act and tell yourself to be unbothered. If they don’t reply, or start ghosting - let them. If they come back because they realize that you’re someone who values yourself and won’t be a doormat, that’s amazing. If they don’t come back, also amazing because it’s a clear indicator that you were giving more than them, and that the relationship would have been 80-20.


My ex and I had an amazing relationship. We were both head over heels for each other. We dated for just under a year but had a serious relationship. We had talked about kids , where we would buy our house, living together, and even a proposal/marriage . 8 months ago we broke up after living together for a month. She essentially didn’t see me a life partner over some things I did, mainly not fixing her toilet at midnight when I was already asleep, going to bed later then her, and being on my phone at breakfast a few times. I honestly think their was more to it, something deeper either consciously or unconsciously that drove her to break up with me. She wasn’t able to communicate it to me well. When we broke up we both walked away. Nether of us really fought for one another. 10 days after breaking up with me she started dating her ex from 8 years ago . They are now in a serious relationship and she’s again talking about marriage, kids, a house with the new boyfriend . She told me that her current relationship has a lot issues and barriers they are trying to fix. But she has been texting me a lot, probably 400-500 texts between the two of us last week. I don’t know if this is a sign she’s into me, being friendly, or keeping me as a back up. The other issue was that her parents were incredibly rude and disrespectful to both my self and my family, which would be a barrier we would have to discuss/talk about. Any thoughts?

Yeah man, I got you. Don't. Block her if you need to, and just move the fuck on. She has consistently demonstrated that she's not ready to be in a relationship yet. With anyone, not just you. Sorry she did that to you man. Let her be miserable with her ex and stay away from her. She made the decision to get back with him and it’s not your job to be the comforting side guy. Right now you are in the worst position as a man. You are the ex-turned-gay best friend If I had to guess she is texting you because you actually are a nice dude but she still has attraction for the “toxicity” of her ex, and she is using you solely for comfort and reassurance that she desperately wants from him. If that’s the case she has severe issues. I am sorry man, just move on. Find someone that loves you for you and who isn’t like this.


Background: My girlfriend and I have been dating since we met in orientation week of undergrad in 2017. We broke up in Nov 2020 due to a variety of reason but mainly centered around both of our poor coping strategies from childhood trauma. We rekindled our relationship in Jan 2023 after working on our problems apart. After dating long distance for 6 months we moved in together. The relationship has been mostly harmonious but there has been two issues that have been getting worse recently. The problem: The first is that her ADHD has created a dynamic where I feel like I have to constantly keep track of housework/chores/bills as her executive disfunction prevents her from reliably self starting activities. This has lead to fatigue and burnout on my end and a dilemma of struggling to moderate my negative feelings as I do understand this is a disorder she also is dissatisfied with her inability to keep on top of her tasks. The second is that her financial literacy is slowly draining me. After we broke up she dropped out of undergrad but still took on $19k in student loans. Mind you, I worked multiple jobs concurrently while in undergrad to only take $7k of student loans that I’ve paid down to a balance of $1500 after graduating. This gets into the bulk of the issue which is her financial literacy. The problem is that she has not paid any of it back and regularly will spend her checking account down to nothing and need me to send her money to keep her from over drafting. If it was legitimate needs like food I would understand but from what I see, she has a clothing shopping addiction and spends over what she can afford. She has stated to put $600 of clothing on affirm, and regularly thrifts for cloths even though our bedroom is overrun with her clothing she already has. Once she gets her paycheck I would say she repays about 60-80% of what she needed me to cover but simply put she doesn’t earn enough to reliably cover her lifestyle. To her credit she is usually good about paying her portion of rent and bills but she only does so retroactively after it’s all due which means I’m on the hook to have the money needed to cover everything up front which has been hard lately with the cost of everything going up. Conclusion: I really do love her and want to stand by her doing anything I can. However, her lack of action to address these issues is slowly making me feel like a servant in the relationship. Sometimes I wake up in panics thinking about how if we get married then I’ll probably be on the one paying back her student loans while also being the only one trying to save up for our shared goals such as buying a house. TLDR: How do I get her to take her financial literacy more seriously?

Multiple things going on here. 1- you are carrying the weight of the emotional labour in the relationship, of course you’re burnt out. 2- you are also carrying the financial load in the relationship, which isn’t fair, impacting your finances to the point she is taking advantage of you. First & foremost, she needs professional help to determine her ability to function & if she needs medication to aid in her ability to function. Hopefully she can overcome her shopping addiction with professional help, but she also needs to put in an active effort to stop spending. You need to set the standards & expectation in terms of labour, split the emotional labour evenly, have a calendar & a list on the fridge of daily chores & whatever. I wouldn’t say you’re enabling her but her shopping addiction is propped up by the safety net that you will help her out financially once she’s burned through her own money. She needs to make an active effort to change or you need to walk away because this relationship is depleting you emotionally & financially, which is impacting your life in a negative way. Seems like she needs re-evaluation of her ADHD treatment plan because it sounds very poorly managed right now. Classes are going to be a waste until that is dealt with


I’m 33, My wife of 12 years recently decided we should split up, I have a 5 year old son who I share custody with and I have had a vacectomy as I don’t want any more children. I have never dated anyone all throughout my 20s other than my ex wife. I’m not really sure how to proceed as I don’t rate my chances and to be honest I’m scared Any advice?

Disclaimer, I'm a bit younger than you are, but I think the advice still holds. The worst thing anyone can do when it comes to dating is self eliminate. I get that you don't feel like you have reasons to be confident considering how long you've been away from the dating world. At the end of the day though, all that fundamentally matters is 1) having, knowing, and displaying your own value and 2) finding the right person for yourself. Everything else will fall into place. Put yourself out there, know your worth, and be confident in your worth. If you don't think you got this, then you don't. I'm not saying to blow smoke up your own ass either, but there's no need to give up before the battle begins. Bro… 34M with a 7 year old daughter 50/50 custody . I have zero problems getting 1 night stands or getting into relationships. Also, I live with my rents bc I got destroyed in court by my cheating spouse. Get on the apps and go on many dates as you like. First few you will eff up like me lol. Bc it is weird. With time and experience you will not have a problem.


hello friends, when i was a junior in college i befriended this freshman. we were very platonic, just got lunch and chatted semi frequently. now, i have graduated and im 22. this summer we are hanging out a bunch, and we went to an 18+ emo club / party and ended up holding hands and being very intimate. i confessed to that i was developing feelings for her and she said she felt the same way too. i feel conflicted about continuing, considering that i am in soon going to be a salaried public school teacher in less than a year and she will still be in college and figuring her life out. it should also be noted that she has been in many relationships before and just got out a really abusive one a couple months ago. i, have never been in a relationship and feel comparatively immature for my age. at the same time, i wonder if i am selling myself short / holding myself back from growth. i have often felt like i wanted more time to figure things out in college, but i didn’t expect this to happen! EDIT: also, we live relatively near each other this summer, but when she goes back to college she will be 90 minutes away.

20 and 22 is no problem at all. A typical age range to be in when in a relationship. You just need to make your different lifestyles work when you'll be having a regular job and she is still studying. But that shouldn't be a big issue, people make it work all the time. It's a super common scenario. Good luck, OP. There is no need to hold back on this relationship if you like each other. :) I swear we're fast getting to the point where we're going to see "is 3 months too much of an age gap" on here.


Been with BF for year and a half now. BF’s younger cousin came over during the weekend for a visit. They haven’t seen each other for quite a while. Generally had a good time, but I noticed tiny moments where he ‘kinda’ left me out especially when the three of us are walking together. He would walk and speak to her and I would try and keep up with the pace but generally stays out of the conversation. When it’s time for her to head back, we walked her to the station. Halfway through the journey I had to slow down my pace cause I’m tired, they keep walking ahead and not once my BF looked back to check whether I’m keeping up with them or not. I kept to my slow pace but I can’t stop thinking about how if I just stopped walking my BF probably wouldn’t notice at all until his cousin point it out. Tbf we’re in a bit of a rush, but we did arrive 10mins early. This happened once too when his parents came for a visit and he just walked ahead of his parents and leave me walking behind his parents. His parents took better care of me by not having me walked alone behind them. To be clear I do not place any blame on his cousin at all, she’s super lovely and I’m really glad she came over. But her visit does make these moments stand out and starting to make me question my relationship with BF. When it’s just the two of us he doesn’t do that at all. It’s just when his family is around, even then it’s not often. I just feel so hurt when I’m made aware of these little things, that I questioned whether he cares if I’m around or not, whether he even considers me as his GF, or even if he loves me, and I want to communicate this to BF but doesn’t want to make a fight out of it. Any advice on how to do that?

Communicate. It is better to have a small argument than to let it fester. My first relationship died because of communication issues. Men are dubious at times. He may not even realize what he's doing. The only way he will know that it bothers you is if you tell him. "Hey babe, you probably dont realize this, but I just want to let you know that when you walk fast ahead of me, I feel ignored and left out. Please try not to leave me behind again. It hurts my feelings."


I’ve been in a relationship for about 4 years now with an amazing girl! Truly is my best friend. The most loyal and caring human being towards me! Only thing is I don’t have that spark for her and I never really did. I know she is head over heels for me and honestly that’s why I have been with her for so long. We now own property together and our lives are twisted together. I was out of town this weekend on a business trip and I met this woman at a bar and when I tell you I didn’t know what hit me when i saw her. We talked and the chemistry and spark was instant. I felt bad for leading her on and eventually told her I had a fiancé. She seemed very bummed but we kept in contact for the next few days. I truly believe I may have met my soulmate. I mean I was left gasping for air when she would turn away. I have never felt that level of attraction in my life. I now am contemplating leaving my fiancé but I don’t seem how I can come out of that ok. I love her family and she loves mine. We have already started to building a life together and idk how I can justify throwing all that away for a woman I barely know. I am on here to seek advice and learn from others stories if they have been in a situation similar to mine.

You're treading dangerous waters, bud. Everyone is nice when they're single and looking. I'd really hate to see you unbuild your life with someone you were going to marry, pursue this other woman and find out she's actually not compatible once your new relationship rolls along. As an older man who has gone through the shit storm many a times in my life..... Trust me.... It's not worth it. Not trying to be the moral police here. But, life is long and 20 years down the line you still realize that it's a blessing to have someone who loves you more than you love your self. If you got family that loves you from her side, that's a massive plus as well. Simple advice I can give you is that "you can burn anything and everything including the whole world...but never burn your home and the one that makes your house a home" Saying that....as said..been through enough shit storms So.,sure...letting this "soulmate" go will leave you with a 1st year serious regret, 2nd year of random regret and a 3rd year of seldom regret and a 4th year of "once a year" regret and 5th year of you will never remember her again. That much I can confidently impart with you. Still if you want to pursue it, well..be kind to your girlfriend and break it off right now. Even keeping in contact with your supposed "soulmate" right now is a form of cheating. Then go full throttle guns blazing at your new interest keeping your fingers crossed on that shit working out for you on the long run. Basically it boils down to a simple choice mate. Either you keep your win and walk away or take a leap of faith and gamble everything you have built in your life. Choice is yours as there's no set methods or established protocols to follow here. God speed my man...god speed


I was at a wedding this weekend, and while there were some things that went well I did some very awkward things looking back on it and probably ruined my chances. Every time I have some sort of social interaction that isn’t normal or expected, I look back on it and cringe bc I do something weird or awkward like putting my name in her phone as A-a-Ron instead of being normal and putting Aaron, or leaning into a picture that someone was taking that in hindsight I don’t think I was meant to be part of, and probably other things like that. I can usually get a date or a number on occasion, but I tank my chances once people talk to me or text me or interact with me for a long enough time period. I’m tired of giving myself second hand embarrassment from doing cringe stuff, what can I do to help this? It makes me not want to do anything social because I’m tired of embarrassing myself

I think experiencing this is just a part of growing up. I know i went through something similar. You just have to take that experience and deny some impulses that pop up. "A-a-Ron", nice deep cut reference of a classic Key & Peele sketch. Anyway, as a somewhat socially awkward man , you just need to learn how to find your people. You'll eventually learn how to spot the people who "get it", versus the ones that don't.


Title says it. My pregnant wife went to the ends of the earth to start a fight over anything she could. She'd even make up stories and fight with me as if they were real. She 9 months pregnant with my baby and literally caused a huge scene to leave me today like and Unbelievable seen try to make me look like so monster I'm not. I'm actually a really good guy and am so inlove with her I'll never unstand this, but she did all this so she can feel like running to another man 9 months pregnant is justified. Masking her horrible scandalous most disgusting ways. I'm destroyed by her actions. But most of all I'm destroyed for my daughter. I now won't see my baby girl be born😭 she know will come I to this world with out a full family instead a nasty war her mother decided she'd rather do. How disgusting is this. Why is there such evil in this world. I'll never understand how some1 could do such a horrid thing to some1 that has only ever wanted 1 thing and that was to lover and have a nice family for out daughters. This is the most insane thing I've ever had to witness and it's heartbreaking. It's destroyed my soul. My poor baby man this is so messed up. What is your guy's view on this? Tell me what you would do?? This is the husband speaking on her account. I hope you guys have some well spoken words for her.? She's 'f26' me 'm27'.

Paternity tests x2 then see a lawyer. Hopefully, the kid isn't yours, so u can leave her and not have to pay child support. You'd be dodging a huge bullet!


Posted before. Struck up what I thought was an amazing friendship with someone. 3 weeks we talked so much shared so much and then out of nowhere ghosted. No indication anything was wrong. Felt like we had a connection where at least if either of us were no longer interested in talking there was enough connection respect and caring there to at least say hey this isn't working or something. Completely blocked. Defriended. Not a single word. So yeah I guess I was a fool. Thanks for reading. If you have advice please share it. Pretty sure I can't feel much lower or dumber or betrayed than I do right now.

You probably didn't do anything wrong. Without communication you don't know if perhaps she was already in a relationship, wasn't ready for one, was afraid of her own feelings, etc. etc. etc. Ghosting is somewhat common. You are correct that it would have been more respectful to voice it isn't working. You definitely can do that yourself as a person. That she didn't speaks to how you perhaps are different and is an example of incompatible values. Which brings me to my point, that you ended up not being compatible. It really sucks. You aren't a fool though, this situation happens quite often. Sounds like you are ready for when you meet your special person! Sometimes, these things happen. It's doesn't mean you're a fool or did anything wrong. She shouldn't have ghosted you, though. She's the fool for not telling like an adult.


I'm going through a shitty breakup and needing advice about the lessons that I should have learned or what I could have done better. Our main problems were poor communication, unresolved depression/sleeping/mental health issues of one partner, empathy burnout, dishonesty , and lack of/respect for boundaries with each other and with platonic friends. Our strong relationship qualities were VERY strong-great sense of humor/banter, share similar interests/hobbies, same tastes in food, film, books, etc, BEST SEX OF MY WHOLE LIFE, same principles/value, and a deep, deep love and care for one another. First big problem-our communication got really bad -just yelling and finger pointing with no actual problem solving. He screaming and cursing me in public and me finally losing my temper to the point I threw a giant cup at him. I'm enrolled in weekly DBT class after this incident and he moved out of the house. The next issue was my partner's ongoing depression, anxiety, weight gain, and sleeping issues going unresolved for two years, and getting worse once he began night shift. I tried at the beginning to help as best I good, which caused me to get empathy burnout and start to turn cold/disinterested when he would express his problems or I would start to nag him. As he does not take criticism very well and I do not handle empathy burnout well, it was a bad dynamic leading to several breaking -up-and-getting back together death cycles. The next problem was dishonesty. On one of our breaks, I slept with my friend and lied about it . I lied at first then could not take it anymore and came clean that I slept with my friend while we were broken up. My partner lied about getting escorts twice during each of our major breaks-he eventually came clean as well. He had also gotten escorts before dating me, but did not tell me this when we began dating. I still am not over the hurt caused by him getting escorts and he still is SO ANGRY and not over that I slept with my friend. Good parts-I love him very very dearly and sincerely wished this was the "love to end all loves". I could see my self growing old with him, with both of us hunkering down and doing the therapy-but we never got that far. What could I have done differently? What can I do differently next time? This was such a heartbreak and I feel like maybe if we had really gotten to know each other first before moving so quickly, we could have sorted out some of these red flags? What are other successful couples' secrets to success?

What can you do differently next time? Don't sleep with your friend and then lie about it, for starters. Everything else between you two could have been overcome at some point, but sleeping with the friend and lying about it was pretty much the death knell for any chance you may have had. p You say that you both lied and then came clean later. Did you lie to his face multiple times? Get defensive and deflect blame? Did your partner have difficulty trusting you with this male friend while you were together? Did you and this male friend have a past together? How did you respond when your partner voiced concern about this male friend in the past? Were you honest with him about your feelings for that friend? Was there a love triangle when you first started dating that you later denied? If you immediately slept with this male friend when you were single, was it fair to your partner that you were spending alone time with this friend while you were together? Your ex probably now feels that your “friend” was always on standby. Either your friend was the backup plan or your partner was your second choice all along. He feels so deeply betrayed that he knows he will never trust you again, and wonders what else you lied about. In regards to the nagging. If you can’t meet someone where they’re at and love them for who they are, leave them alone.


What did you do? Eg coffee, drinks, an activity, something else?

Went to get ice cream at night. Ended up taking her out in the middle of nowhere to see the stars. Parked and sat on the car for a few hours. We ended up doing it again a few months later to see a meteor shower and ended up seeing a rocket launch at the same time. We’re married now drinks turned into dinner -> late night car drive singalong -> sex -> cuddle -> sex -> breakfast. I was in vacation visiting another city so it couldn't work out but I wished it never end :(


I 28F have been seeing this guy 35M for about two and half months. We had great chemistry from date one, and have maintained consistent communication and time together though we both have jobs that require travel and long hours some days - we’ve made it work nonetheless. We’ve done no sleepovers or anything significant, however recently he’s started sharing more about his child . I’ve never dated someone with a kid, however I knew it was significant for him to start sharing and he even said it was. He’s also told me on his own volition that he really likes me and wants to be more intentional about us and our time together. I asked if that came with exclusivity as we have been intimate and I personally have not sought others and wanted to make sure we were on the same page. He agreed he too was not interested in others but the rest of his message really bummed me out. He basically said it was just me and his kid in his life right now but that he ultimately doesn’t know what he he wants and if he wants anything at all and that he’s just playing things by ear….. i didn’t make a fuss of things but I was genuinely confused. He said that he only as that I let him know if I start hooking up with and seeing someone else. Am I crazy or is that mixed signals? I feel like it’s a bit unfair to say we’re exclusive but that he wasn’t sure if it was moving anywhere… I stated early on that I ultimately was looking for a LTR. But I currently feel like I’m in some sort of relationship limbo and could be missing out on someone who isn’t confused or unsure about where we stand. Is that asking for too much after almost 3 months of getting to know someone?

Nobody can set your boundaries, but you. I would at least have the conversation with him that you are seeing his indecision as stagnation, and that for you, it is a deal breaker. If you feel differently than this, then explain it. Wouldn't spending almost 3 months warrant an honest conversation about limitations? You guys should be having these convos in person, or at least by phone… not by text.


So we became a thing when I was 16 and she was 30. I believe I was groomed but at the time I didn’t realize it that I was being used. People warned me but I didn’t want to believe it. A few years later I realized how fucked up my life is. I graduated high school early for her, lost friends and didn’t keep in touch with anyone. Dropped out of college for an online school that I rushed through just so I could be with her. She was “aging and needed to get married soon or she’d have to leave me” which I guess she tried. Now I have a degree that’s practically meaningless. Never got the college experience, in debt from spending money on trips, no social life or friends and I have trouble interacting with people, socially awkward. Now she’s saying she’s proud of where I am and how I am focusing on myself. I believe she has no right to say that to me when she ruined and took years of my life that were or should have been the most important. Now she can’t do anything to help me or make things better but she sure can help me financially. Is it wrong for me to ask her for a couple grand? Like I know the better thing would be to move on but I find it soo disheartening and infuriating that she can easily say I’m proud of you and move on. While her life was never impacted this significantly compared to mine. What should I do? I told her tonight I find it difficult to hear or accept that from her. When in actuality it’s her fault. The challenges I face daily, parts of my life I never to go experience and make memories of. She goes I guess it’s best to cut contact as she’s moved on and realized choices were made on both ends. That she doesn’t appreciate the victim game. What do you guys think?

I think you were groomed. You can’t really move on,all you can do is forgive yourself for it and try to be a better person than you were yesterday, groomers will never realize how much they took from you, you can go to the police for statutory rape depending on state you live in. They always move on with their life’s as if we are nothing, leave you to pick up the pieces. You can sure ask her for a few grand but I wouldn’t bother it just gives them a reason to stick around longer.