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to tell him that she would have wanted to hear it anyways, especially if it was something that interested him, but she could not find the words, could not make her lips move. |
"I also think it would be a good idea if you stayed at camp tomorrow, even if you do feel better when you wake. I think it would be better to err on the side of caution." He stroked her cheek, his touch cool, and it eased some of the pain in her head, softening it to a dull ache where his hand fell. |
Aspen groaned in response, wrinkling her nose as she tried to wake herself up, tried to respond. She didn’t |
to stay in the camp, she didn’t want to seem weak. She wanted to pull her weight, she wanted to help in every way that she could so that they could all be free of their cursed tadpoles. |
"Shh, don’t do that," he chided, running his hand over her cheek. "Just rest, my love. I only want to make sure you’re entirely better, in case there is another |
." Her words were less than even a breathy whisper, sounding more like the phantom of an argument than true words. |
"Well you might not be fine |
time," he snapped, sharper than she had expected. He let out an exasperated sigh, his hand tracing over her throat now, hovering over the bite marks that were beginning to scar. "I don’t want you hurt, and while I am |
aware you can hold your own in battle, I’d feel a lot more comfortable if you were entirely better before fighting off a horde of goblins or whatever we run into next." |
Aspen wilted, clutching her bear tighter. He sounded sad, and she didn’t want him to be sad. |
"Just as a precaution, darling," he continued. "In case you’re still unwell." |
She curled closer, tucking her head against his stomach. She didn’t like the idea of being left behind, of being seen as too weak to go along with the rest of them. |
"We’ll be staying here for a few days yet," he said, heedless of her inner turmoil. He was stroking her back with one hand, pressing large, slow circles against her in an even rhythm. There was no real beat to it, no real tempo, and yet she found it was lulling her back to sleep once more, and she struggled against the serenity she was being wrapped in, wanting to be awake. |
"I don’t want to be left behind," she managed. "I want to be of use to everyone." |
He chuckled, although it was lacking in any real humour. "My darling, you’ve more than proved yourself to us, and I am sure everyone else will understand that you have been unwell. I doubt they would want you racing headlong into danger when you are ill." He sighed, curling over her until she felt his lips brush against her ear. "I know I don’t. I can’t bear the thought." |
Shivers raced along her spine, and Aspen’s breath caught as her eyes flew open. He hadn’t said anything particularly stimulating, but there was something in his words, a heaviness, a warmness that was sending tingles racing across her nerves, reaching from her fingers to her toes. |
"And you won’t be alone." He was still whispering into her ear, making her shudder with each long, drawn out word. "I’ll stay here with you, to make sure you’re |
She pouted, although she knew it would do her no good. "Alright, I |
I can stay behind for one day." |
She could feel his smile against her as he murmured a silken "good girl," sending another tremor down her spine before he drew away. |
"If I’m being honest, I think I’m quite enjoying this," he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I quite like taking care of you, my love, and I’m looking forward to our day with only the two of us." |
Aspen wasn’t going to argue with him anymore. She liked being cared for, liked being held gently, liked being babied just a little. |
"Now go back to sleep," he said. There was a smile in his voice, and his touch remained soft as it brushed against her brow, curving around her eye. "You’ll have me all to yourself tomorrow, and I’m sure you’re |
excited, but you must rest." |
"Will you keep reading to me?" |
He sighed. "Yes, I’ll keep reading. |
you must close your eyes." |
So she did, nestling closer as he picked up from where he’d left off, nearing the climax of the book. She would have liked to stay awake to listen to the ending, although she knew the book off by heart, but already she could feel herself slipping away, falling into the mists of oblivion. All she could do was breathe in the gentle smell of rosemary that clung to him, and hope he knew how thankful she was, how happy she was that she’d been given the chance to know him. |
She fell asleep without even realizing it, chased by the soft cadence of his voice as he read, and the comfort of knowing he would be there when she woke up, and for the first time all day she felt no pain. |
Staring up at the ceiling of leaves that blocked out the fire of the fading sun, Aspen sighed with as many theatrics as she could. Leaning her body to the side, slumping her shoulders forward, tilting her head back so the thin beam of burnished sunlight slicing between the leaves could wash over her face. |
Aspen had spent years fighting against an assortment of ailments that forever kept her on her toes and forever exhausted her beyond measure. But she had recently learned that if she took a |
approach, admitting to how she felt, no one ever held it against her. No one saw her as weak, or told her to suck it up. At least, no one who mattered did. |
She was allowed rest, a chance to get better, rather than running herself ragged until she got lucky enough that the pain disappeared and she could carry on for a while yet. |
could be the reason for such a sigh?" Astarion crept up behind her, one ivory brow arched as she slowly lowered her head to face him. |
Here was perhaps the greatest boon for admitting to her temporary weakness, to whatever pain that had been chasing her finally catching up. |
There was often no solace to be found even in sleep, and yet she had found she felt more at ease when she was with him, when she was curled in his arms. |
"My head hurts," she said, by way of explanation. It was quite an understatement, if she were being honest. She felt like demons were taking rusted knives and chipped axes and dulled maces to her skull, fractures snaking along the bone, threatening to crumble as the assault on her head continued. |
"Oh my poor darling," he cooed. His lips were pulled into the perfect pout, but his eyes still glowed, practically sparkling with mischief. He cupped her cheek, head tilting to the side as he stroked the corner of her lips. "And what would you like me to do about it?" |
She sighed again, softer this time. She had no energy left in her, the pain in her head hollowing her until she felt like cracked bone, marrow scraped clean. "You could help make it go away." |
"And how do you suggest I do that?" His tone was wry, a smile curling at his lips. "I am skilled at many things, but healing magic is not one of them." |
"Surely you could think of something." She leaned into his touch, pressing a kiss to the heel of his hand. "You’re so clever, surely you have some idea of what could help." |
He snorted, his smile growing. "You know I always cherish your sweet words of praise, but I’m not quite sure |
you could possibly be thinking about." He cocked his head to the side, a curl of hair fluttering over his brow. "And I |
think kissing it better would be of much help." |
There was a spark in his eyes, a sharp curve to the edges of his smile. He knew what she wanted, what would comfort her best, but he was going to make her ask for it. |
"You’re a villain," she muttered, prying herself from his touch. |
What she wanted was to be held, to be coddled for a little while. The comfort of his cool touch against her brow, his fingers threading through her hair, the faint beat of his heart against her cheek. It was far better than even a healer’s touch, far better than the magic commanded by a cleric at the behest of their god. He was all she needed, all she wanted. |
Even if he was being an asshole about it. |
Astarion laughed, his hand falling away. "Such honeyed words today, my dear. While I |
appreciate the compliment, shouldn’t you be more focused on a cure for your headache?" |
Rolling her eyes, she made to turn away. There was a river nearby, she could hear the burble of the water over time-smoothed stones, the flicker of moonlit fins and iridescent scales. Perhaps she would toss herself into the water and let it rush over her, dulling the pain that banded across her head with its chill. |
Movement from the corner of her eye caught her attention and she turned to look, right as Astarion snagged her around the waist. Aspen gave a sharp cry as he tugged her close, one moment facing the haze of the half-lit forest, the dusk light casting the trees in a reddish glow, the next staring at his mischievous grin. |
Her head throbbed from the suddenness of it, the ground falling out from underneath her feet so she stumbled. Astarion, in what she considered to be pure, devilish delight, laughed, the sound arcing high, the leaves shivering as though a breeze had blown past. She could feel it in her veins, echoing in the spaces between her bones. |
"Where do you think you’re going?" The sharp points of his incisors peeked out from his lips, and she had the strangest urge to press her fingers to them, to see if the pain of her skin being punctured would distract her from the pain in her head. "You’re so pale, you look like you might collapse." |
"I’m not sure," she admitted, settling her hands on his chest. She didn’t know where else to put them, trapped as she now was in his arms. "I was thinking about throwing myself into the nearest river." |
quietly, shaking his head. "The river would sweep you away in an instant. I’m sure you can come up with a better solution." |
She shrugged. The blood in her veins felt like it was congealing, her heart pumping little more than sludge through her body. Her head felt light, dizzy, the coppery dusk piercing like arrows in her eyes. She was not adept at offering clever responses to his quips, but now she was not sure if she could come up with a response at all. The exhaustion that had hollowed her so thoroughly felt like it was creeping across her mind now, a mist that would obscure everything in its path. |
For the first time since his latest bout of teasing had begun, Astarion’s expression flickered. Lurking beneath the wicked curl of his smile was a shadow of nerves, anxiety bubbling up beneath his previous good-humour. |
"My darling..." He trailed off, looking unsure about cajoling her further. "Surely there is a better way to manage what ails you. Perhaps something that your most beloved could help with?" |
She couldn’t help but smile at that. Even as a heavy veil of pain descended over her mind, she smiled, some of that hollowness ebbing away like ocean tides. "I think perhaps there |
be something my beloved could do." |
His eyes searched her face, his fingers dancing along her brow, pushing back her bangs. "Yes?" |
"Yes, I think there is." |
He sighed, his smile softening. "Then I think you should tell him, so he can take care of |
"I’m your most beloved?" She leaned closer, like flowers reaching for the sun. He might have been moon-cursed, but he was her sun and her stars, he was the light she had been starved of her entire life. |
Astarion snorted, quirking a brow as he covered one of her hands pressed to his chest with his. "Have I ever given you reason to doubt? There is no one else I would stop from foolishly jumping into a river." |
"I just like to hear you say it." Heat crept into her cheeks, warm as firelight brushing against her skin. |
"You are my beloved," he said, squeezing her hand tighter. "My most beloved. And I hope that I am yours." |
"Of course you are." Her voice cracked, her mouth dry. The world was blurring around her, only Astarion’s eyes and his nose and the freckles that were flecked across his cheeks and his throat clear any longer. "I love you." |
He lifted her hand to his lips, brushing a kiss to her knuckles. "Then tell me how I can take care of you. How can I indulge my sweet lover?" |
Aspen sank against him, her willpower withering away. Astarion was far better at this game than she was, and in truth she didn’t mind when he teased her |
much. So long as she was thoroughly kissed afterwards. |
"I just want to be held," she confessed, resigned. It was nothing he didn’t already know, and yet it was clear he took great pleasure in her giving her wants form, shaping them with her words. |
"I’m sure that can be arranged," he drawled. One arm was still curved around her waist, his free hand petting her hair as her head fell onto his shoulder. "Do you know by who? I’m sure we could wrangle owlbear, the creature has grown quite fond of you." |
She closed her eyes, groaning. "Obviously I want to be held by |
Villain that he was, he had the gall to chuckle, running his finger over the curve of her ear. " |
,’ is it? There’s no one else you think would be more adept at handling your ailment?" |
." She didn’t bother to hide the whine from her voice. Now that her eyes were closed, it felt like the world was spinning. Her stomach roiled, and she was certain that if she did not lie down soon she would collapse. |
"Alright, I’m sorry." He sounded the exact |
of sorry, his voice lilting like he were on the verge of telling a joke. |
She cracked her eyes open, focusing on the side of his face as he slowly turned, guiding her back to camp. "You’re getting better at that." |
"You’re feeling cheeky today, love." He smirked, catching her gaze from the corner of his eye. "You’re lucky I’m so enchanted with you." |
She fluttered her lashes, feigning innocence. "Really? You’re enchanted with me?" |
Astarion chuckled, dropping a kiss to the top of her head. "Are you |
you’re feeling ill? You sound perfectly fine to me. In fact, you sound like you want something |
His voice dropped an octave, a warm rumble against her ears. She pressed her face against his shoulder, smiling. |
"I wish I was faking it," she muttered, her words threading between the fabric of his shirt. |
"That’s alright," he breathed, keeping his voice soft. He kept an arm around her, keeping her close. "I’ll take care of you until you’re better." |
Aspen had once feared these days, feared how frail they made her, how vulnerable. She always wanted to be held, to be coddled, to be taken care of and treated as something delicate, something precious. She had been worried that it was selfish, perhaps even vain. To demand constant care for something that happened so regularly she could track it more easily than her cycles. |
Worse than that, she had worried that it would be insensitive of her to ask to be cared for. She craved nothing but to be nestled in his arms, and yet perhaps that would be insensitive, demanding to be held, demanding his closeness, his touch. She did not want him to think she was using him, that he was only loved for the things he did for her, and not for the simple fact that he was |
Yet Astarion had volunteered his aid the first time she’d fallen ill after knowing him. He had not cared, he had only wanted to take care of her. |
Aspen had thought herself unworthy of care, of tenderness, of real love. Who was she, anyways? A nobody from some backwater, with nothing but a head full of dreams and a talent for fire magic and some skill with a flute. |
And yet he had chosen |
, he had chosen to love her. And despite all her faults, and all the amazing people there were in the world who were more worthy of his love, he had chosen |
. He had chosen Aspen, and everything that came along with her. |
Which, unfortunately, included pain that never really went away. |
She had feared asking for affection of any kind, even when she was not ill. He had divulged so much of her history, and she couldn’t bear the thought of ever once making him think she wanted him for his touch, for his body. |
He had been angry, at first, thinking she was pushing him away. But she hadn’t been, had only wanted to make sure he was loved, that he was comfortable. |
Aspen hadn’t known what to expect at the time, whether it was him understanding what she was feeling and giving her space, or turning away from her in anger. |
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