[{"x": "where?", "y": "no, jerry, this is not the time to go to another club! we've got to get you back home in time for that trip. but there's no more trains, there's no cabs."}, {"x": "well, uh... i do have a few driving students in the city.", "y": "step on it! jerry..."}, {"x": "do not step on it.", "y": "jerry, we have got to get you home in time for that fishing trip."}, {"x": "the laws are there to protect...", "y": "this is no time for laws!"}, {"x": "buckle up, barney.", "y": "i am not going to buckle up!"}, {"x": "and her fianc\u00e9? the guy's like a two.", "y": "how did you do it?"}, {"x": "do what?", "y": "how did you become this? i mean, i love my life, but... i'm not sure i like loving it. sure, strip clubs..."}, {"x": "you're drifting.", "y": "hey, i'm trying to open up to you..."}, {"x": "no, mrs. perkins, you're drifting! go on, barney.", "y": "when i think about going for anything more than that, i look at my life, and who i am, and... i'm too far gone. i'm broken."}, {"x": "son, i was far more broken than you'll ever be. and look at me now. don't get me wrong... settling down is... a challenge. it's the biggest challenge of your life.", "y": "so how do you do it?"}, {"x": "a magician never reveals his greatest trick. but i'll give you a hint. you gotta meet the right girl. who knows? maybe you'll meet her tomorrow.", "y": "maybe i've met her already."}, {"x": "and park. and emergency brake. i did have a good time tonight. and hey, if you want to go fishing, we got room in the boat.", "y": "maybe some other time."}, {"x": "okay. oh, and, uh... thanks for taking such good care of this. it means a lot to me that you kept it safe all these years.", "y": "i'm going fishing with my dad."}, {"x": "sorry. interview over.", "y": "invitations for the demolition of the arcadian. as head of the project, i get to decide how we knock it down. i'm torn between training an actual coyote to use an acme dynamite plunger, or hooking up a fuse to eddie van halen's guitar that goes off the second he hits the last note to \"hot for teacher.\" barney! barney! bar... no, no. i'm going to go coyote."}, {"x": "wait. while no one wants to see a, uh, coyote wearing a little hard hat more than me, remember zoey's protest could still shut your whole project down.", "y": "oh, come on. zoey's not shutting anything down, standing out there with her stupid megaphone, screaming in the wind; butt cheeks trembling with fury; her perky breasts heaving; her self-righteous nipples..."}, {"x": "dude, that's my girlfriend.", "y": "point is, we are taking her and the arcadian down. am i right, teddy westside?"}, {"x": "okay. see, that's so weird to me. one second you're defending zoey, and the next, you're talking about her going down.", "y": "glad to know she's also mouthy in a good way. what up? dude, that's his girlfriend."}, {"x": "listen, um, i hate to go up against my two best friends, but... i really, i really need this right now. i mean, we're, we're cool, right?", "y": "not only do you quit the job i stuck my neck out to get you, now you sabotage the project i'm in charge of? is this because i brushed lily's boob with my elbow, the other day?"}, {"x": "that was on purpose!", "y": "i mean this is really like..."}, {"x": "barney! your wife just called from the hospital! it's a boy!", "y": "no. i' was... i was..."}, {"x": "congratulations. you're about to be the 250th girl that barney has slept with.", "y": "pfff. try 283. 250 was months ago. no, no, no. no, i mean, you're totally 250, baby. no, don't."}, {"x": "ah, yes... the sweet, smoky taste of victory.", "y": "are you sure it doesn't taste like anything else?"}, {"x": "oh, god! ow... why would you do that to your own jacket?!", "y": "that's what you get, you traitor!"}, {"x": "oh, really? really?", "y": "yeah. really."}, {"x": "ten, nine, eight...", "y": "i'm a b-plus. my whole life, i was hoping to be an a, and i'm a b-plus. and i'm okay with that."}, {"x": "the crazy old host of family feud, who greeted women by kissing them on the mouth.", "y": "hey there, darlin'. how you doin'? ah, is this your sister? mmm... beautiful. mmm..."}, {"x": "hey, where are our chicken wings?", "y": "show me chicken wings!"}, {"x": "i-i guess. that... seems like a whole other thing. we need a drink that will start a fight.", "y": "do you know what i had to do to get you that job?"}, {"x": "do you know what i had to do to will myself to show up every day?", "y": "what, wear a wrinkled suit and not give a damn about what your hair looked like?"}, {"x": "i showed up with wet hair once! once!", "y": "oh, my god."}, {"x": "see, ever since the death of my father, i have been drawn to the idea of preservation. that's why the arcadian speaks to me.", "y": "ever since my father walked out on my childhood, i've had serious abandonment issues. you walking out on me like that..."}, {"x": "oh god, i didn't even think of that...", "y": "it made me wonder, \"what could i have done to make him stay?\""}, {"x": "look, you didn't do anything wrong. it wasn't you, barney.", "y": "that's what everyone keeps saying but people just keep leaving me."}, {"x": "i love you.", "y": "i love you."}, {"x": "morning. who wants breakfast?", "y": "you have some coffee? so i can throw it in this traitor's face?"}, {"x": "i love you.", "y": "i love you. uh, no. n-not right..."}, {"x": "we gave them one drink too many. they must've blacked out and forgotten the whole thing.", "y": "what kind of dirtbag doesn't stand by his best friends, but instead sides with some self-righteous bitch with a pointless cause and a megaphone?"}, {"x": "dude. that's my girlfriend. and you know what? i'm on her side now, too.", "y": "whoa, whoa, you have got to be kidding me. ted..."}, {"x": "and she hasn't since.", "y": "okay, okay. a couple of things. lily, how'd i do?"}, {"x": "nailed it.", "y": "secondly, ted, i'm sorry i said mean things about zoey. are you really going to walk away from this project just because you're mad at me?"}, {"x": "it's not because i'm mad at you. barney, the arcadian was designed by a guy named john clifford larrabee. and even though he's been dead for half a century, it's my duty, architect to architect, to keep his work alive. please tell me a little part of you understands.", "y": "i understand. zoey has magic lady bits."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "zoey's lady bits... are magic, and that's how she controls your mind. you see, every few hundred millennia, lady bits leap forward..."}, {"x": "i know you're only just getting started, but this is already gross.", "y": "i once knew such a girl."}, {"x": "barney, this is about the building.", "y": "come on. this is so about the girl."}, {"x": "not if i knock down her favorite building, she isn't. barney, i'm sorry.", "y": "oh, you're not sorry now, ted mosby. but you will be. you... will... be. that's how you do an evil laugh. ciao for now."}, {"x": "no, everything's not okay. my stupid wife got custody of tugboat. god, i should have kept her hidden in a cage in the basement.", "y": "isn't that animal cruelty?"}, {"x": "i'm talking about my wife.", "y": "oh. that's fine, then. so listen, you know ted, the architect?"}, {"x": "yeah, i know your friend ted.", "y": "so, if ted stood up at that big meeting tomorrow and said that he thought the arcadian should be a landmark... you wouldn't just fire him, would you? right? you wouldn't just... you wouldn't just... yeah..."}, {"x": "no, barney. i wouldn't just fire him. i'd also fire you.", "y": "come again for big fudge?"}, {"x": "i-i don't understand. why would he fire you?", "y": "i don't understand. why would you fire me?"}, {"x": "have you already forgotten how mosby got that job?", "y": "by being the best architect available?"}, {"x": "no.", "y": "by... being latino?"}, {"x": "no. let me refresh your memory. we were in this very room.", "y": "i'm not kidding! oh, by the way, arthur, uh, how are things with you and your wife?"}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "we'll end up out of a job, all thanks to some stupid, only sort of awesome lion head."}, {"x": "what are we gonna do? we should buy a bar.", "y": "we should totally buy a bar!"}, {"x": "i'll allow it!", "y": "the only court where you show up, then get served."}, {"x": "i don't know, homegirl is pretty diabolical. if there is a plan that'll get us out of this, it's somewhere inside this butter churn. she'll think of it. i'm just gonna sit here... and watch it happen. and she's got it! lily, what's the plan?", "y": "oh, this ought to be good."}, {"x": "what is so difficult about this?! tugboat figured this out in, like, five minutes. this is bush league!", "y": "hey, arthur!"}, {"x": "no! tugboat, my other dog, that was a cute dog. this little disappointment is nothing but a cheap facsimile. i said it! yeah, my love is reserved for dogs that go to the bathroom on command instead of wasting my time!", "y": "listen, arthur, marshall's wife has an idea for how we can save, not saving the arcadian."}, {"x": "oh, his wife has an idea. let me tell you about wives, okay? they leave you and take your best friend with them. you're not tugboat! you'll never be tugboat!", "y": "uh... hey, arthur?"}, {"x": "i want to press the button to blow up the arcadian!", "y": "i want to press it!"}, {"x": "i want to press it!", "y": "i want to press it!"}, {"x": "don't worry, we're not. i just, i feel bad zoey's having such a hard time.", "y": "you know what might... make you feel better, buddy?"}, {"x": "i'm not letting you press the button.", "y": "i want to press the button!"}, {"x": "hey, mr. architect, big day for you tomorrow, huh?", "y": "yeah. getting to stand next to me while i press the button. that is going to be legend... wait for it...dary adjacent. legendary adjacent!"}, {"x": "50,000 lightbulbs! what if this one's too bright? what if this one flickers and gives everyone a weird headache? do you know how many people it takes to change 50,000 lightbulbs?", "y": "are these people irish, polish, blondes... what are we dealing with here?"}, {"x": "there's just-- there's so many decisions to be made. what if i make all the wrong ones and my building just sucks?", "y": "not possible. your building is new. and i have one rule new is always better."}, {"x": "you can't keep saying you have one rule if they're always different rules.", "y": "ah, but \"new is always better\" is my oldest rule, which makes it the best."}, {"x": "hi, marsh.", "y": "oh, hey, buddy."}, {"x": "i know. i just said that you had the sniffles. no one is picturing anything but little red-nosed you under a blankie with some hot tea.", "y": "i wonder what end it's coming out of lily right now."}, {"x": "i bet it's her tushie.", "y": "i bet it's both. hey, speaking of explosions... enough already, ted! that button's mine!"}, {"x": "yeah, fine, okay.", "y": "i got you this job, so i... say what?"}, {"x": "whatever. it's yours. i gotta run.", "y": "you..."}, {"x": "why would ted just give up the button like that? and he forgot his phone. \"see you in an hour.\"", "y": "who's that from?"}, {"x": "zoey. they're meeting for coffee. ted's getting back together with her!", "y": "why would ted get back together with zoey? he's doing great."}, {"x": "after a breakup, we all think we're doing great. sometimes the tiniest trigger can unravel you and send you crawling right back.", "y": "no, i refuse to believe that ted is getting back with zoey because of lightbulbs."}, {"x": "bro.", "y": "ted, i only have one rule."}, {"x": "can... i... borrow... an adult diaper?", "y": "we've got to stop ted. where are they meeting?"}, {"x": "okay, zoey wrote, \"meet me at 600, where it all began, where you gave me the orchid at the intersection.\"", "y": "well, that's good. all we have to do is think back to the time ted told us about his first date with zoey."}, {"x": "aw, that's sweet.", "y": "you weren't listening either?"}, {"x": "got it. ted's at... oh... ted's at smith and ninth street.", "y": "that's the intersection."}, {"x": "that's in brooklyn. how are we ever gonna get there in time?", "y": "way ahead of ya."}, {"x": "i can't believe ted's getting back together with zoey.", "y": "i know. they're a total train wreck."}, {"x": "worst couple ever.", "y": "yeah, almost as bad as us."}, {"x": "we were a mess. do you remember how awful i looked by the end? my hair was falling out, my skin was gray, my back was hunched.", "y": "what about me? i got so fat, at the end of a date, you'd unhook my bra."}, {"x": "you were the only boyfriend i ever motorboated.", "y": "thank god we're not sentimental saps who panic and get back together. seriously, why would people do that?"}, {"x": "i guess i get it.", "y": "what do you mean?"}, {"x": "well, no matter how bad things got... ted really did love zoey for a minute there. didn't he?", "y": "yeah... he did. and... she loved him, too. didn't she?"}, {"x": "okay, where the hell are they?", "y": "maybe this isn't the intersection."}, {"x": "across the street at the intersection. so, uh, you guys... want to buy some weed or...?", "y": "she's alone! there's still time! but where the hell is ted?"}, {"x": "wait a minute. on their first date, he brought her an orchid. how much do you want to bet he's gonna do it again?", "y": "brilliant. but wait, he had a huge head start on us. there's no way he's still in there unless he spent a half an hour picking out the perfect orchid."}, {"x": "look, ted, the future is scary. but you can't just run back to the past because it's familiar. yes, it's tempting.", "y": "but... it's a mistake."}, {"x": "okay, hotshot. mr. stinson. who's gonna do the honors?", "y": "he is."}, {"x": "you sure?", "y": "yeah. you earned it."}, {"x": "hey, new is always better, right?", "y": "always."}, {"x": "i'm proud of you for giving ted the button. it meant a lot.", "y": "it's just a button. can we talk about something else, please? norah."}, {"x": "hi.", "y": "how you been?"}, {"x": "fine.", "y": "look, i don't know why you would possibly say yes to this, but would you want to grab a cup of coffee with me sometime? 20 minutes. i was such a jerk to you. you can spend the entire time calling me every dirty name in the book."}, {"x": "i speak four languages. i'm gonna need more than 20 minutes.", "y": "i'll call you. you look beautiful, by the way. and here i thought it was too late for sundresses."}, {"x": "it's never too late, barney.", "y": "challenge accepted."}]