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I\'m kidding. You know how sometimes you just become this \"persona\"? And you don\'t know how to quit?
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Thank God! If I had to hear one more story about your coiffure...
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Me. This endless ...blonde babble. I\'m like, boring myself.
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Then Guillermo says, \"If you go any lighter, you\'re gonna look like an extra on 90210.\"
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I looked for you back at the party, but you always seemed to be \"occupied\".
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Who knows? All I\'ve ever heard her say is that she\'d dip before dating a guy that smokes.
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Lesbian? No. I found a picture of Jared Leto in one of her drawers, so I\'m pretty sure she\'s not harboring same-sex tendencies.
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I\'m workin\' on it. But she doesn\'t seem to be goin\' for him.
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I really, really, really wanna go, but I can\'t. Not unless my sister goes.
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Eber\'s Deep Conditioner every two days. And I never, ever use a blowdryer without the diffuser attachment.
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I counted on you to help my cause. You and that thug are obviously failing. Aren\'t we ever going on our date?
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I don\'t want to know how to say that though. I want to know useful things. Like where the good stores are. How much does champagne cost? Stuff like Chat. I have never in my life had to point out my head to someone.
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Unsolved mystery. She used to be really popular when she started high school, then it was just like she got sick of it or something.
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The thing is, Cameron -- I\'m at the mercy of a particularly hideous breed of loser. My sister. I can\'t date until she does.
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No, no, it\'s my fault -- we didn\'t have a proper introduction ---
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You\'re asking me out. That\'s so cute. What\'s your name again?
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Okay... then how \'bout we try out some French cuisine. Saturday? Night?
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Well, I thought we\'d start with pronunciation, if that\'s okay with you.
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Can we make this quick? Roxanne Korrine and Andrew Barrett are having an incredibly horrendous public break- up on the quad. Again.
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All I know is -- I\'d give up my private line to go out with a guy like Joey.
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Sometimes I wonder if the guys we\'re supposed to want to go out with are the ones we actually want to go out with, you know?
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Bianca, I don\'t think the highlights of dating Joey Dorsey are going to include door-opening and coat-holding.
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Combination. I don\'t know -- I thought he\'d be different. More of a gentleman...
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He practically proposed when he found out we had the same dermatologist. I mean. Dr. Bonchowski is great an all, but he\'s not exactly relevant party conversation.
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You\'re concentrating awfully hard considering it\'s gym class.
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My agent says I\'ve got a good shot at being the Prada guy next year.
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It\'s a gay cruise line, but I\'ll be, like, wearing a uniform and stuff.
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So yeah, I\'ve got the Sears catalog thing going -- and the tube sock gig \" that\'s gonna be huge. And then I\'m up for an ad for Queen Harry next week.
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Exactly So, you going to Bogey Lowenbrau\'s thing on Saturday?
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What? To completely damage me? To send me to therapy forever? What?
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Not all experiences are good, Bianca. You can\'t always trust the people you want to.
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God, you\'re just like him! Just keep me locked away in the dark, so I can\'t experience anything for myself
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No. you didn\'t! If you really thought I could make my own decisions, you would\'ve let me go out with him instead of helping Daddy hold me hostage.
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After that, I swore I\'d never do anything just because \"everyone else\" was doing it. And I haven\'t since. Except for Bogey\'s party, and my stunning gastro-intestinal display --
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Just once. Afterwards, I told him I didn\'t want to anymore. I wasn\'t ready. He got pissed. Then he broke up with me.
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I wish I had that luxury. I\'m the only sophomore that got asked to the prom and I can\'t go, because you won \' t.
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I do care. But I\'m a firm believer in doing something for your own reasons, not someone else \' s .
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Listen, I know you hate having to sit home because I\'m not Susie High School.
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I don\'t get you. You act like you\'re too good for any of this, and then you go totally apeshit when you get here.
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I really don\'t think I need any social advice from you right now.
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Yeah, he\'s your freak friend Mandella\'s boyfriend. I guess since I\'m not allowed to go out, I should obsess over a dead guy, too.
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Can\'t you forget for just one night that you\'re completely wretched?
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Bogey Lowenstein\'s party is normal, but you\'re too busy listening to Bitches Who Need Prozac to know that.
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You\'re ruining my life\' Because you won\'t be normal, I can\'t be normal.
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I think you\'re a freak. I think you do this to torture me. And I think you suck.
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Oh, I thought you might have a date I don\'t know why I\'m bothering to ask, but are you going to Bogey Lowenstein\'s party Saturday night?
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It means that Gigglepuss is playing at Club Skunk and we\'re going.
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I have the potential to smack the crap out of you if you don\'t get out of my way.
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I have a date, Daddy. And he \' s not a captain of oppression like some men we know.
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Fine. I see that I\'m a prisoner in my own house. I\'m not a daughter. I\'m a possession!
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It\'s that hot rod Joey, right? That \' s who you want me to bend my rules for?
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Daddy, I want to discuss the prom with you. It\'s tomorrow night --
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Promise me you won\'t talk to any boys unless your sister is present.
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It\'s just a party. Daddy, but I knew you\'d forbid me to go since \"Gloria Steinem\" over there isn\'t going --
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If you must know, we were attempting to go to a small study group of friends.
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No! You\'re not dating until your sister starts dating. End of discussion.
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Now don\'t get upset. Daddy, but there\'s this boy... and I think he might ask...
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Padua girls. One tall, decent body. The other one kinda short and undersexed?
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Didn\'t have you pegged for a Gigglepuss fan. Aren\'t they a little too pre-teen belly-button ring for you?
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Best case scenario, you\'re back on the payroll for awhile.
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You humiliated the woman! Sacrifice yourself on the altar of dignity and even the score.
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The hell is that? What kind of \'guy just picks up a girl and carries her away while you\'re talking to her?
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Hell, I\'ve just been going over the whole thing in my head and -
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Are you kidding? He\'ll piss himself with joy. He\'s the ultimate kiss ass.
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In that case, we\'ll need to make it a school-wide blow out.
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This is it. A golden opportunity. Patrick can ask Katarina to the party.
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Like we had a choice? Besides -- when you let the enemy think he\'s orchestrating the battle, you\'re in a position of power. We let him pretend he\'s calling the shots, and while he\'s busy setting up the plan, you have time to woo Bianca.
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Hey -- I\'ve gotta have a few clients when I get to Wall Street.
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You know, if you do go out with Bianca, you\'d be set. You\'d outrank everyone. Strictly A-list. With me by your side.
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Forget his reputation. Do you think we\'ve got a plan or not?
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I\'m serious, man, he\'s whacked. He sold his own liver on the black market so he could buy new speakers.
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No kidding. He\'s a criminal. I heard he lit a state trooper on fire. He just got out of Alcatraz...
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Unlikely, but even so, she still can\'t go out with you. So what\'s the point?
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I teach her French, get to know her, dazzle her with charm and she falls in love with me.
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Joey Dorsey? Perma-shit-grin. I wish I could say he\'s a moron, but he\'s number twelve in the class. And a model. Mostly regional stuff, but he\'s rumored to have a big tube sock ad coming out.
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Because they\'re bred to. Their mothers liked guys like that, and their grandmothers before them. Their gene pool is rarely diluted.
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I could start with your haircut, but it doesn\'t matter. She\'s not allowed to date until her older sister does. And that\'s an impossibility.
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Yeah, but these guys have never seen a horse. They just jack off to Clint Eastwood.
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She hates you with the fire of a thousand suns . That\'s a direct quote
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I don \' t know. I decided not to nail her when she was too drunk to remember it.
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So what does that give me? I\'m supposed to buy her some noodles and a book and sit around listening to chicks who can\'t play their instruments?
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Okay -- Likes: Thai food, feminist prose, and \"angry, stinky girl music of the indie-rock persuasion\".
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I\'ve retrieved certain pieces of information on Miss Katarina Stratford I think you\'ll find helpful.
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And he means that strictly in a non- prison-movie type of way.
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Yeah, and I noticed the only part of you featured in your big Kmart spread was your elbow. Tough break.
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The vintage look is over, Kat. Haven\'t you been reading your Sassy?
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I don\'t know, Dorsey. ..the limo.-the flowers. Another hundred for the tux --
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I got her under control. She just acts crazed in public to keep up the image.
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I can\'t date her sister until that one gets a boyfriend. And that\'s the catch. She doesn\'t want a boyfriend.
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So what you need to do is recruit a guy who\'ll go out with her. Someone who\'s up for the job.
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But she can\'t go out with you because her sister is this insane head case and no one will go out with her. right?
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Well, actually, I thought I\'d run an idea by you. You know, just to see if you\'re interested.
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Oh, honey -- tell me we haven\'t\' progressed to full-on hallucinations.
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You \' re looking at this from the wrong perspective. We\'re making a statement.
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Okay, okay, we won\'t go. It\'s not like I have a dress anyway
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Listen to you! You sound like Betty, all pissed off because Archie is taking Veronica.
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Can you even imagine? Who the hell would go to this a bastion of commercial excess?
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You didn\'t have a choice? Where\'s Kat and what have you done with her?
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You went to the party? I thought we were officially opposed to suburban social activity.
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If I was Bianca, it would be, \"Any school you want, precious. Don\'t forget your tiara.\"
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