title,query,answer
New rule: no political trolling,"Hey all, quick announcement. Based on the recent uptick in posts more focused on arguing politics than asking if you're the asshole, we've added a more specific rule. Posts primarily focused on political trolling (i.e. trying to get a reaction, or multiple political posts in a short timeframe) will be removed and the account will face a ban. Similarly, posts that are genuine but spark a significant number of rule-violating comments will be removed, but that will not necessarily result in a ban. 

Posts involving politics and political figures are still allowed. We just want ones that actually ask whether you were the asshole, not ones that argue for your political purposes. If you have any questions about this rule, shoot us a modmail. ",[ERROR]
AITAH for only doing the bafe minimum when I got roped into babysitting.,"My sister 38, invited me over for a family meal. Our parents were there too. After dinner my mom and I helped clean up while my dad and brother-in-law watched my nieces and nephew. Afterwards my parents left. Then my sister and brother-in-law asked me if I could watch the kids for an hour while they went for a quick errand. I agreed. 

They got very dressed up for errands but I didn't ask. They've done this before. I didn't usually have anything going on so I don't really mind. Today I was clear that I had plans and one hour was my limit. 

My sister agreed to one hour. 

After an hour I called and she didn't answer. Half an hour later I texted my friends and said I couldn't make it. Then I proceeded to keep the kids alive. I felt I owed her that as family. 

Did I put them to sleep? Nope. Did I make them a snack rather than let them use the stove? Yes. Did I keep the little one from drawing on the walls while his older brother played fortnite and the middle kid watched Stranger Things with me. Nope. I kept them alive. 

My sister got home a little after one AM. Nephew was still playing Fortnite. Middle kid and I were still binging Stranger Things. Little was passed out on their bed. 

I got up and left. 

I've been hearing about it for a few days now about how irresponsible I am. That 12 is too young for such a scary show. That my nephew has limited screen time. That they still haven't got the drawings off the walls. 

My parents are getting involved as well. 

I really don't care. I was told one hour. I agreed to one hour. I feel that I did a great job for one hour. Not really my problem after that. 

So four people think I'm being an asshole. Three kids had a great night. And I think they won't try it again. 

","NTA. Your sister knew what she was doing, she just doesn’t like the consequences of her actions."
AITAH for unplugging my neighbours car from the charging point ? It’s my charging point .,"Four times a week I see this lady using my charging point ( that I pay for)  to charge her car , doesn’t even ask me . I just get home from work and see she is using it , while she was clearly too occupied “ gardening “ I went up and unplugged it from her car . I’ve now left a note on her car saying ‘ any future plug ins will be reported to the council ‘ I’m so sick of this ",Buy a lock for your charger to put an end to any unauthorized access
AITAH: I don’t want to forgive my sister even if it happened when we were young,"My sister is 3 years younger than me. She had a huge crush in a guy her class and they were good friends. He was coming around all the time. He tried to ask me out several times and I said no every time. Then I went to college in a different city and I thought that was the end of it but I was home during Christmas and he asked me out again and I said no, so he assaulted me. My sister took his side and took off with him for about 3 weeks until his parents kicked her out. She was angry with me and didn’t speak to me for a year. I was too broken and in my own world to care. When I regained my control over my life I realized how shitty she was to me and I have not looked at her since. It has been 15 years. I am not hostile. I just avoid her. When I have to be in the same social gathering with her I never speak to her and only answer short if she talks. She has never apologized. She is getting married now and my mother said it was time for me to get over it. She was just 17 and people did all stupid things when they were 17. Brain develops at 25. I never want to speak to her. I don’t want to attend her wedding. I don’t care. My mom said I was an ah giving the whole family pain. We should all move on

\*\*I need to add something. My sister never apologized yes, but my mom, as a compromise want her to apologize and I attend the wedding. My sister agreed. I don’t want it. Sorry for not including it in my op\*\*","NTA. You don’t just “get over” trauma. If she was apologetic and pushing for a relationship with you that you were constantly rejecting, I’d say maybe. But it’s clear you never got closure, and have no desire to be around someone that caused you so much pain with no remorse. Your feelings are valid"
"AITAH for ""allowing"" my stepdaughter to wear stinky pajamas to school ?","I (31f) married my husband (37m) in December then moved in with him and his daughter (15f). The mom (41f) is in the picture but my stepdaughter lives us full-time. 

On the 1st day of school after Christmas break for my stepdaughter, I was to drive her to school. When she was ""ready,"" she was in pajamas that smelled like gym clothes. She had pimple patches all over her face. Her hair was messy and greasy. But I didn't say anything. She's 15 and in 10th grade, I figured she's old enough to dress herself. Plus if her mom and dad don't have a problem with it, why should I. 

My mom (53f) came to visit. My mom looked like her eyes would fall out of her head when she saw how my stepdaughter looked when she came home from school. 

My mom asked how on earth I'm allowing my stepdaughter to go to school like that. I told my mom nobody asked for my input and it wasn't my decision. She called me, my husband, and my stepdaughter's mom bad parents for allowing her to look like that at school. I asked my mom to leave my house. Am I the asshole ?

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EDIT
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This edit is for the wonderful people who are concerned about my stepdaughter. I agree I'm the AH. I now understand this is not normal. I will do my best to get her professional help. ",This is a 15 year old girl that doesn't care what she looks or smells like. There is a problem with all of you.
I defended my fiancé against my maid of honor and she ended our 10yr friendship. But AITAH instead of her?,"I asked my friend “Anna” to be my maid of honor for my wedding. She agreed and then later on suggested I switch to another friend whom Anna thought would be hurt if she wasn’t chosen. I declined saying she was my closest friend and she meant more to me. 

During wedding prep, Anna was either in another state (winter migration to Florida) or too busy, even on weekends. I did it all myself. 

A month before the wedding my husband has his bachelor party. Three weeks before the wedding I realized she wasn’t going to plan a bachelorette party. I was sad but I wasn’t going to say anything to her. My then fiance texted her, basically calling her out for not doing any maid of honor duties and making me feel unimportant. They argued and she eventually got two other girls together to come to my house for the lamest bachelorette party ever. Potato dishes and cheap wine. She gave fiancé the cold shoulder the entire time and the everything was just awkward.

She texted me a week later stating that she would be there for me but didn’t want to interact with fiancé at all. I asked how that would be possible if they’re both IN THE WEDDING?? She was still mad at him and admitted to holding a grudge. I suggested that if she was going to be angry the whole time that she probably shouldn’t come at all as it was supposed to be a happy day and I didn’t want it overshadowed with her irritation at my fiancé. 

She then told me that she never wanted the maid of honor duties and she tried to get me to pick someone else so she wouldn’t be expected to help with the wedding. She then told me that because of me expecting her to help and for choosing hum over her, our friendship was over, cursed me out on text, and blocked me on everything. She also won our other two friends in the “divorce” so now I have zero women friends. 

But was I really the AH? Should I have just let her be mad IN my wedding? Should I have told hubby to back off even though she never told me she didn’t want to help until during the last argument?","NTA.

Some of these comments make no sense at all. Are these Y T A commenters failing to follow the timeline?

This woman agreed to be MOH.

She never once “requested” not to be MOH. All she did was suggest another friend on the grounds that that friend might be upset to not be asked.

Throwing a bachelorette is one of the only functions of a MOH that’s universally understood, at least as far as I know in the US.

If she didn’t want to do this stuff, she should have been upfront about it. Per the post, there’s no indication that she ever suggested she didn’t want to do this.

Good on this fiancé for standing up for you. What kind of person stays a MOH and chooses to do nothing whatsoever? In what universe is “Anna” not TA for completely failing to communicate her desire to back out?

At WORST, OP failed to read between the lines once or twice. That doesn’t make OP an AH."
WIBTAH if I tell my parents I don’t wanna fight cancer?,"A couple of weeks ago I 16M was diagnosed with stage 4 Lymphoma, it’s a form of cancer that doesn’t often get detected till much later, I’ve been really sick for weeks before getting diagnosed and I had a really high fever and I stayed for over a week at the hospital and they did a bunch of tests on me to find out what was wrong, and I had cancer that’s already spread throughout my body. 

My parents and family are devastated but they’re all so supportive of me, my dad hasn’t left my side since going to the hospital where I still am today, he even showers and sleeps here with me, but the thing is that I’m the oldest of 4 siblings, they still have my 3 sisters to take care of and my family aren’t that rich in the first place, and chemo and other treatments are so fucking expensive, like when the doctors and our oncologist team told us about how much everything costs I felt my heart drop and I just saw fear on my parent’s faces, even with our insurance and everything my parents would go in debt for the rest of their lives if I decided to fully fight it, my little sisters would suffer so much because of me. I don’t want that. I want them to be happy and safe and I want them all to have a chance at a happy future my parents included, they did so much for us I don’t want them working themselves to death for me I want them to eventually retire and enjoy life. 

Am I scared of this? Yea I don’t wanna die, but living while knowing I ruined my entire family would be worse than death for me, I also don’t wanna go through chemo, my aunt dad’s little sister died of cancer back in 2023 and she did chemo for like 6 years and it sucked her soul out, yes she lived longer but they weren’t happy or good years they were horrible, I don’t want that because I’ll live a horrible life even if it’s a bit longer and I’d destroy my family’s lives in the process while still dying either way.  

Would I be an asshole if I tell them how I’m feeling? I feel like they’d all hate me so much for it but it’s for them that I’m doing this because I love them ",[removed]
AITAH for not giving my mom my bank account?,"So for background context, I’m a 26 year old female, I just graduated uni and got a full time job. I’m making real money for the first time in my life.  I was born here but I’m Asian background. My Asian mom wants me to give her my bank details because she wants to “manage it” and thinks that I don’t know how to manage my own money/finances. When she asked for my bank details, I got so angry and refused to give it. She always bitches at me when I spend my OWN money that I worked for on myself. She has always spent money overseas to her useless scam family members. I remember in grade 7  when I didn’t have a phone myself, she bought a brand new iPhone for her brother who takes advantage of her. She has always helped useless family members with their down payments/ car payments. I’m not allowing her to send my hard earned money to other people. She always complains when I spend the tiniest amount of money on myself.  But has no problem sending money to other people. 

If she has my bank account, she’ll know where I’m going, how much I’m spending, etc. she used to have my bank account in high school, and it was just sooo annoying having to explain every little thing.  I know if I refuse to give my account to her, it will strain our relationship big time. I will support her financially/pay rent cause I’m living with her, but I don’t believe she has the right to my bank account. ",You're 26. This isn't even a discussion. It ended when you said no.
AITAH for not helping my stepson take a shower?,"Married for 2 years, my wife has a 10yr old son with explosive temper disorder and an undiagnosed mental disorder. He is full functioning physically but he has no empathy and gets angry quickly if he doesn’t get his way every time. His reasoning skills aren’t developed. He can be very polite saying please and thank you and he loves playing sports and games.

Within the past year he has told a teacher that I had hit him, pushed him and pinned him to the floor. It was reported to his physician but that was the end of it, no report to cpc, which I find odd. He told us he did it for attention. That hasn’t happened since.

My wife typically helps him in the shower to make sure he is thorough or at least talks him through it so he doesn’t come out with soap in his hair etc.

Occasionally if she is sleeping before a late shift or whatever, she has asked me to supervise him and I have with the shower curtain closed.

A few times he has been inappropriate, slapping his butt and making twerking moves and saying things like “smack that booty”. The final straw was he said “I see you peeking at me!” and starts slapping his butt.

He doesn’t respond to me saying how bad and inappropriate it is but continues. Obviously that made me very uncomfortable and considering that he made up a story before about me hitting him, I told my wife that I’m done. I’m not going to put myself in a position where he could tell someone at school or wherever that I “peeked” on him or worse!

My wife thinks I’m being unreasonable and faults me for his un thorough showers.

Am I an asshole for protecting myself?",I've been a special education teacher for 25 years. If your son can twerk in the shower there is no reason for either of you to be in there at all. Make him do his own self care.
AITAH for not understanding why my husband got upset at our 4yr old for sitting on a pillow?,"Today, I (f24) heard my husband (m23) scold our 4 year old daughter for something but i couldn’t quite tell what it was. However I did hear her start to argue with him and he was trying to get her to listen to him. But because she’s still trying to figure out feelings, she got upset. I walked in the room and asked what happened. He told me “She was sitting on the pillow and she was crushing it so I told her to get off and she started arguing with me and wouldn’t listen.” I stood there so confused. So he told her to not sit on a pillow… on the couch.. in the home that she lives in? It’s not a fancy or antique pillow or anything like that. He and I “crush” the pillows when we’re leaning back on them while watching a movie or whatever. So i expressed my confusion to him because it makes ZERO sense to me. It’s not like she was bouncing up and down or standing on the couch or anything to put her in harm’s way. He then tried saying that it’s not about the pillow but the fact that she wasn’t listening- which i guess i understand. We have been having problems with her listening. BUT she was SITTING DOWN on a PILLOW!! And then he started saying “you wouldn’t sit on top of a pillow in someone else’s home!” SHE LIVES HERE!!! And then he started getting mad at me. For what, I dont know. Some insight would be great, thanks.","Your husband realized he was wrong while you were arguing with him and spouting nonsense is all he had left.

If it was because he didn't want her rear end on pillows because you all lay your heads on them, then he should have just said that."
"AITAH for refusing to share my inheritance with my ""struggling"" siblings?","Our grandmother passed away and left me her house because I was the only one who lived with her and took care of her for five years. My two siblings, who rarely visited, now want me to sell the house and split the profit three ways because they both have significant credit card debt.

 I told them ""no"" because I gave up my 20s to be a full-time caregiver while they traveled pretty much and spent all their time away They are calling me selfish and saying I’m ""disrespecting Grandma’s memory"" by letting them struggle when I should think about them as well. But have they thought about my grandma when she needed them?

AITAH for keeping the house for myself as intended? ",NTA. I think you made yourself pretty clear and why you’re saying no to them.
AITAH for refusing to sign an NDA from an ex?,"Years ago, I briefly dated my boss’s boss while working on a political campaign. I was 22 at the time and he was 24 or 25 I think. It was really intense and didn’t end well. Basically I was looking for a relationship, he just wanted to hook up, and it took me about 3-4 months to figure out that he was just feeding me lines to keep me around. Once I realized that, I broke up with him. He took it terribly. He’s a dick. The campaign ended a couple of weeks later and I figured I’d never have to see him again. 


He ended up going to law school and staying in politics. He’s now an elected official and has been reelected a couple times. He’s gone viral a couple of times and gets really positive media coverage. I remember from our dating days that he has big political aspirations. And he’s built up quite the network so I think he can go far. 


Welp, I kind of figured this would eventually happen, but recently a member of his team reached out asking me to sign an NDA. It makes sense because I certainly have memories of him admitting things to me - as well as my own direct experiences - that aren’t flattering. Campaigns are super intense (100hr work weeks without a single day off for months at a time; people end up doing crazy things to win). I got the impression even back then that he was surprised and nervous about how much he opened up to me. I thought I was just having deep conversations with someone I really cared about; it took me way too long to realize he wasn’t really capable of caring about me. 


I don’t really blame him for how he was back then. He was an arrogant young man and I was an inexperienced, naive young woman, and we were both under insane pressure. I certainly learned a LOT about myself and humanity from the 8 months I worked alongside him. I moved on and don’t hold anything against him today. That was a long time ago. 


At the same time, I really don’t want to sign an NDA. It doesn’t seem fair or necessary. And who knows, there might be a day someday where he says or does something relevant that makes me want to share something. I think free speech and accountability are important and I have no idea what the future holds. 


But I also don’t want to be a jerk. I have no plans to say anything anyway, so not signing would just cause him unnecessary stress. He always said I was difficult and this seems like playing into that narrative. 


AITAH if I don’t sign? 

ETA: I forgot to mention that the NDA didn’t come with any offer of money. It was just strongly worded with intimidating language. I could counter with a demand for money but that just feels like throwing my morals out the window entirely. I don’t want anything to do with that world. 


ETA: Wow, thank you for the responses! I was legitimately expecting a sea of “YTA - why are you being difficult for the sake of being difficult, he can do some real good with his career, stop stressing him out”. ","If nothing you experienced was illegal or unethical, it’s interesting that his team feels the need to lock you into silence now"
AITAH for stopping my husband’s wedding?,"I had a court marriage with my husband in the US, he is a Hindu and I am a Muslim. We have been married for two years. 
I filed for divorce a few months ago when I found out he was cheating. He had been paying hookers and cheating consistently through our marriage. 
Our divorce is currently at a litigation phase. 
I discovered he was marrying another girl from his community in two weeks in India. I found her on Instagram and contacted to confirm if this was true, she said yes. She had no idea he was ever married, let alone going through divorce. 

She didn’t believe it at first, so I provided our marriage certificate, videos, photos, case number (which is public record) etc 
She called off the wedding and texted me this morning thanking me for saving her life. 

My ‘husband’ is now furious at me for exposing him. 
He said I ruined his life as she told everyone in their community. 
He was about to commit the act of bigamy which is punishable in India and the US. The act of bigamy with concealment of an existing marriage comes under BNS section 82(2) 

He was about to commit a crime and ruin that girl’s life too. I am now being blamed by him and his family for ‘ruining his marriage’ ","NTA of course. Your “husband” is legally still married to you, so the wedding would have been a farce. You saved this woman and also managed to besmirch his reputation in his community while still maintaining the high ground. Well done."
AITAH for gagging after unclogging my wife’s milk duct?,"So My wife is breastfeeding and had a very painful clogged milk duct. She asked me to help unclog it by sucking, since that’s something that’s commonly recommended and nothing else was working.

After it seemed like forever I was able to unclog it and When I did, her milk shot into my mouth. I then started gagging and I felt like I was about to puke. It wasn’t intentional or meant to shame her; it was just an involuntary reaction because of how unexpected it was. 

I still made sure she was okay and apologized right away, but she felt embarrassed and hurt. I tried to explain to her that I wasn’t judging her at all and that I didn’t mean to hurt her, but she’s still upset with me.

AITAH?",Now you know what a blowjob is like.
"AITAH for telling my daughter-in-law to stop ""borrowing"" my clothes ?","I (51f) wonder if I'm the stereotypical evil mother-in-law. My son (27m) and daughter-in-law (27f) live close up. They come over a lot, which I don't mind. 

My DIL and I are very close to being the same size. She keeps taking my clothes. The things that get put in the laundry, sometimes I am looking for an outfit just to find it in the laundry. The things that don't get washed after a single use, like hats and jackets, she somehow causes those to smell like BO. 

I told my DIL to stop borrowing my clothes. DIL told my son and now my son is angry at me. Am I the asshole ?","NTA. She's not borrowing, she's taking without asking. That's stealing. Your son needs to grow up and realize his wife is being disrespectful."
AITAH for moving my car and saving myself?,"
Ok so this happened earlier today.
I was with a friend (she was in the passenger seat) and her 8 year old daughter (in the back seat) and we were in a car (i am the driver) at a busy intersection waiting for it to be clear to cross.
There was a minivan ahead of us but I couldn't see who was in it at that time (or rather never really paid attention).
I glanced at the rear mirror and noticed a truck coming in at an alarming speed. 
After a brief second, I felt uneasy and quickly moved my car into oncoming, barely cutting off a car that had just turned onto the lane.
But my instincts were right, and the truck failed to stop, completely destroying the vehicle that was ahead of me.
It all happened in the blink of an eye and I don't even remember what I was doing or what people said. I do remember that once the paramedics arrived, there were 3 children dead (who were in the back seat) and 2 adults were seriously injured.
My heart is hurting and i can't stop playing the scene in my head. I had a chat with my friend a few hours later and she was here throughout supporting me but I really am just in my head at the moment.
She of course told me that its not my fault and I told her that I would not hesitate to move if it would ever happen again. 
But still I can't remove this guilt, I can't even get the scene out of my mind and I'm still shaking although this happened hours ago..
AITAH? 
I shouldn't have moved right?",NTA.  But you need to talk with a qualified counselor about survivor's guilt.
AITAH for sitting on my phone at a party where everyone spoke a language I don't understand?,"I was invited to a party by someone I know and decided to go because I didn’t want to be rude or seem uninterested. I arrived on time, greeted everyone, and brought food like I was asked to. At first, things seemed fine. People were friendly enough, and I tried to stay engaged by smiling, nodding, and listening.

After a short while, every conversation around me shifted into a language I don’t speak or understand at all. There were no translations, no pauses to include me, and no effort to switch back even briefly. I stayed seated with the group, hoping the topic would change or someone would explain what was going on, but that never happened. The conversations went on like that for a long time, with laughter and stories that I couldn’t follow.

I tried to join in by asking simple questions in the common language when there was an opening, but the responses were brief and the discussion immediately went back to the other language. At that point, there wasn’t much for me to do. I stayed where I was, didn’t interrupt, and eventually started scrolling on my phone just to pass the time.

Later on, someone commented that I was being rude for being on my phone and said I should have made more effort to participate. They pointed out that I was invited and that sitting quietly with a phone looked disrespectful at a social event. I explained that I couldn’t understand what anyone was saying for most of the night and didn’t know how else to engage without interrupting or forcing people to accommodate me.

The situation turned awkward after that. I stayed until it felt appropriate to leave, thanked the host, and went home. Since then, the incident has been brought up as an example of me not being polite at gatherings, even though the language barrier was never addressed.

So, AITAH for sitting on my phone at a party where every conversation was in a language I don’t understand?",but being on ur phone is less rude than straight up excluding someone all night
"AITAH for wanting my ex-wife to pay rent or move out, even though it will force a custody change?","I’m a 44(M) and I am divorced from Ally (43F). We were together over 17 years total, and we’ve been divorced a little over two years now. 

Ally and I divorced because she thought I was having an affair which I wasn’t. She believed I was being secretive and that staying out late meant I was seeing someone else, In reality I was being secretive because of my job.. I’ve always been required to protect customer information. That was never new or unexpected. I was also staying out later because my dad was seriously sick at the same time my mom is chronically ill. I was juggling work, family, and caregiving… life meant long days and late nights.

Ally ended up hiring a private investigator to follow me, and they found nothing, because there was nothing to find. I only found out because I saw the bill. As you can expect, the trust was completely gone and the marriage didn’t survive it. Did I try? Not hard, no. I just felt betrayal. 

We have two kids together, both teens (between 13–18) who we had  before we were married. They attend a local school system that is truly phenomenal. Our youngest has an IEP for reading, and the level of support they get there has made a huge difference. Keeping the kids in these schools has always been a top priority for both of us regardless of where we were stood as a couple. 

The problem is that the area we live in is extremely expensive. I honestly don’t know any single person who can afford to live here alone without roommates or a partner. I’m sure they exist, I just don’t personally know any. Ally worked before but she was always low income, but now she chooses not to work. 

We have 50/50 joint custody, and I pay a significant amount of child support. Three months ago the legal agreement regarding our former marital home ended. The house was originally owned by my parents, who are aging poorly due to health issues so they transferred ownership of both that house and the one I live in to me to get it out of the way. 

Now here’s the conflict.. I want Ally to start paying rent for the home she’s living in. The rent I’m asking is still below market value, but it would be more than the child support I currently pay her. If I rented it to someone else, I could make a lot more honestly.

Ally and her new boyfriend, Jacoby, are expecting their first child together. They say they can’t afford to live in the area while also paying that rent. I told her about as calmly as I could that I can’t afford to support an entire second family long term.

Due to the court order, Ally can’t move away with the kids. If she relocates, it would have to be without them which is obviously apart of the overall issue. 

She talked to the kids about all of this before looping me in. I wasn’t happy about that, but what’s done is done. The kids are understandably upset but what surprised me is that they’re more upset with her. They feel like she’s expecting me to continue paying for her life, her boyfriend, and her new baby. I don’t even like they’re involved in this. 

Ally has been trying to find another place, but anything affordable within an hour commute is either unavailable right now or has a long waitlist. She told me that if she has to move farther away, I’ll need to have the kids most of the time because of school, and she’ll take them on weekends. I actually told her I’m fine with that because I want more time with them, what’s best for the them, and their education.

However, I also told her that if custody changes we’ll need to go back to court to reevaluate child support. After hearing that, she completely lost it. She accused me of trying to punish her, control her life, and financially destroy her while she’s pregnant.

From my perspective, I’m already paying child support, I’ve been flexible, and I’m prioritizing the kids staying in their schools. I just don’t think it’s fair or sustainable for me to continue subsidizing my ex-wife’s housing while she builds a new family. 

At the same time, I know that forcing this issue could drastically change her life, impact her relationship with the kids, and make me look like the bad guy.. especially given that she’s pregnant and housing is so hard to find.

So… AITAH for wanting my ex to either pay rent or move out, even knowing it could lead to a custody change and financial consequences for her?",Your ex made the decision to be unemployed and to have another child. How long are you willing to bankroll her lifestyle decisions?
AITAH for not cleaning our bathroom to prove a point that I am the only one who does so?,"Okay, so first some context: I am a female, I live with my parents and my 2 older brothers, I’m not a child, but not a whole adult, the point is, we’re not very little or anything (.. obviously-), and pull our weight around the house.

I share a bathroom with my brothers, and naturally we all have to clean it, but I noticed its more so.. me cleaning it. And not even in a petty “They forgot to clean the shower.” way either, nonono, I’m talking (warning, there will be some gross stuff ahead.)

Urine on the toilet and the bottom/base of it, that they will not clean, i’m talking PUDDLES stuck on it. They do not clean the shower after using it, but instead choose to very lightly scrub it and call it a day, usually only cleaning the tub, and leaving dirt and hair all over the walls of the shower. Hair, everywhere. They don’t mop or sweep the bathroom, And the mirror is always dirty.

Occasionally, there will be times where toilet paper and wipes are not restocked, and the soap dispenser is not filled. I know some of you may be thinking, “why don’t you clean these things if you see them?” Half of the time, I don’t! My vision is awful, so if I’m not actively inspecting or looking for hairs and dirt on the shower or something of the like, I won’t see it until I am actually in the shower.

Naturally, if I see these things, I clean them up, but it’s grown to be annoying cleaning up after them like they are children. My breaking point was a week or so ago when I went to clean the bathroom for the first day of the week and it looked awful, the toilet was filthy, the shower was filthy, and everything over all, was filthy.

I gave everything a deep cleaning and went to bed tired after spending the day cleaning it. I woke up the next morning, went in there, and it was a mess, everything unorganized, the shower covered in hair, and toothpaste spilled on the counter, I was over it, and decided to not clean it. I didn’t clean it for weeks, I wanted to see if they would clean it first or put in an effort to keep the space tidy, they did not, but what was really the kicker for me? Not the fact the shower was covered in dirt, not the fact the toilet was horrendous, not even the fact the soap bar was covered in hair. No. what did it for me was the fact that instead of refilling the liquid soap dispenser, they simply let it stay empty, and got soap from the big refill container instead!-

so fast forward to tonight, we’re all eating dinner and our mother, as any mother does asks if we’ve been cleaning the restroom, considering she hasn’t seen us do it, my brothers had the audacity to say: “YeAh!” while I gave an agitated “Nope.”

Everyone looks at me, my brothers are just confused and one of them says; “I thought you’d do it?” Which, yeah, I’m sure they did. I said, “No. I wanted to see if either of you would, and clearly you didn’t, if that toilet is anything to go off of.”

The silence? Deafening. My mother, bust out laughing after a few minutes, but my brothers were less than amuse, one of them even having the audacity to say “Why would you say that? that’s so embarrassing!” And other things of the sort, we all cleaned the bathroom after dinner but not without them glaring at me and making snide comments, at first I didn’t care, but now I’m unsure, and especially so considering our mother came to me and said; “I understand why you did what you did, but it was wrong to out them in front of everyone like that.”

I’m unsure, and I needed unbiased opinions and criticisms, so AITAH?

  
Edit: to clear any confusions, 

”everyone” would be our little family of 5, our rule is that if someone does something embarrassing it is wrong to point it out in front of everyone. Apparently in pointing out their mess, I broke that rule.

I also feel that it is a bit necessary to point out, I’m younger than them, they have been doing the chore (or at least have been expected to.) longer than I have. So no, I haven’t just been “Expecting them to do it without any communication“, you’d think after a few years of doing a job, it wouldn’t just stop sticking because theres a new employee.

Final thing, I hardly contribute to the mess, I throw any used pads in the trash (wrapped in toilet paper and the pad wrapper.), I restock my products like body wash, wipes, and hair products, I don’t leave hair, blood, or anything else from my body in the bathroom, if I do, I will clean it up and apologize for doing so.","NTA. You're not the maid, you're a housemate. Clear division of labor and responsibility is the backbone of shared living spaces. Gross chores included."
AITAH for not making a female student cover-up even though her parents want me to,"I (36F) am a teacher at a small conservative private Christian school. I have just joined the school as a teacher this year, and for the most part it’s been interesting but not horrible. 

Our school has a uniform, but once a month we have a dress down day where students can wear whatever they want, within a pretty reasonable dress code, only marginally stricter than a public schools. I am not extremely religious but I don’t find the dress code unfair by any means.

I have a student (17F), who dresses according to the dress code, but it is not sufficient according to her parents. Her parents are a bit of the zealot types who are extremely puritanical, and have stated that our schools dress code is ”too loose”.

The girl used to dress up according to her parents desires when she leaves home, but when she comes to school she changed into what she wants, 100% in accordance with the schools dress code. Her parents found out about this, and have placed pressure on the administration and teachers to notify them if this happens again so they can “correct this behavior.” Some teachers decide to, I do not, and I even told the girl that I wouldn’t ever tell her parents and if she ever feels uncomfortable about anything she is always welcome to share it with me.

  
I thought I was being a good ”safe space”, but the girl has supposedly told her parents that I’ve encouraged her dressing. They got into a fight where she told her parents that at least I cared for and I knew her better. Her parents are LIVID with me, and they’ve demanded a meeting with the principal and other administrative staff. I told my family about this and they said it would’ve been a good idea if I had kept my mouth shut and didn’t create this position for myself. AITAH?  


  
",As long as the kid is adhering to the school dress code you have nothing to report.
AITAH: Not telling in laws baby was born,"My in laws are a nightmare, even my (29) wife (30F) agrees.

We have been together for five years, and I could write several books about the awful things her family has done to both of us. 

My family lives close, about a five minute drive, and they are very respectful of our life and our boundaries. My parents will be watching our dogs when we go to the hospital and they will obviously know we are in labor. 

My wife’s parents live far, but it’s complicated because they have a plane. Yes, it is a nice plane, it goes very fast and a 4 hour drive can be done in less than 30 minutes. 

Her parents are intrusive, don’t respect boundaries, and are too cheap to get a hotel so will dominate our space. They also only eat certain foods and are disgusted if we eat red meat, even in our own home. My wife’s family stresses her out, and her mother believes that she should be in the room during labor just because she’s the mother. 

I have been extremely passive with her family, but I am now starting to come out of my shell a bit. Her mom told us that when the baby is born, she would be staying with us for two weeks. I asked where she was staying cause it certainly wasn’t our house. 

I truly think the only way to protect our peace is to call them after the baby is born, we are home, and have some form of an established routine in the first week of chaos. Maybe we don’t tell them for a week, or more?? This is our first kid.

AITAH? 

Edit** seems like people think I am the only person making this decision, my wife and I have had many discussions and this is what she wants too.

I am speaking in me terms because I’m posting. ",If they can afford their own plane they can afford a hotel room
AITAH for not taking my fiancé’s side? He wants my sister UNinvited to the wedding,"Im 29 F, fiance is 34 M
we invited my two sisters Remy 34/ Lara 27 over for the weekend. 
Hang out, play games etc
We played Uno
My fiance seemed overly irritated by round 2 or 3. It started with me and him bickering (he was trying to say things jokingly like submit and ill let u win. I challenged him like no i shall not submit to a man.. it evolved to him calling me names and me calling him names as a mean joke from then on)
He was being annoying for rest of rounds but not enough that i can say anything. soon enough my other sister joined in bc he was being like (i will win or if he lost he says i couldve won but i chose not to which irritated the f%^ out of whoever won)
By the end of the game he was borderline angry/ and we were all tense 

He kept saying he could have won and we dont know anything
My sister, 27 F who won said bs
I called bs too!
He said sth like just distribute the cards LARA!
And she kept talking back like “right u could HAVE won)
He was saying “Lara just shush and play the cards)  in a warning tone not to antagonize him more and added (yes if i wanted to i would have but i was merciful to you) 
She said you should’ve just went for the win then! 
And he said something like im a man and u should just listen or take my word
And she said a man is a man of action not words.
And he yelled at her WHAT DID U SAY (was serious like all CAPS)
she threw the cards and said fuck ur game and left our place

while they were getting their things I went to him and said: why? 
They left. He was mad at me for not siding with him (we should be a team) in front of them:)
I didnt contact her direcrly since then. Been almost 5 days. 
I feel like it was my fault for allowing it to get to this level. Since i was the one who knows how chronically stressed he’s been (financially/academically/sick cats) and easily triggered these few weeks
my fiance is not forgiving her and saying she disrespected him in his house
And that she will not be invited to our weddjng UNLESS she apologizes on her own (I shouldnt prompt her).

Its killing me on the inside. 
WHO IS THE AS/Hole here??? ",You are seeing the red flags about if the groom should be invited dont you?
AITAH for not helping my brother save his marriage?,"A little back story, about 9 years ago my SIL found out that my brother was having an emotional affair with a coworker. All hell broke loose but eventually she stayed with him. They purchased a home close to 15 years ago in my brother’s name. They got a 15 year mortgage and this year they should be finishing paying off their home.

A few days ago my brother contacted my mom while having a panic attack. Turns out that during the period when he was having the emotional affair, he refinanced their home and got $50K. He gave $20K to his affair partner and used $30K to purchase an AC unit, pay towards their vehicle and do home renovations.

He was hoping that my SIL would not think about the deed and he would continue to pay the mortgage for the 30 years without her noticing, but she’s recently began saying how she can’t wait to have that deed in her hands and to see the mortgage balance. So now he’s completely freaking out that if she finds out what he did she’ll divorce him.

Part of what he’s tried to “fix” the situation has been gambling to see if he could win it big, and now is practically calling my mom pretty much every day wanting her to put my parent’s (Dad min 70’s & Mom mid 60’s) home as collateral for a $100K loan so he can use that money to pay off most of the remaining $140Kish balance; for myself and my parents to cosign on a loan for that amount, for him to get a loan and us to give him at least $500 a month so he can pay the monthly bill; and the latest is for my mom to get a reverse mortgage on the home & give him that money.

For the last one my mom is worried that if she passes away, my dad & I will be left homeless and on the street. His workaround is to get a life insurance policy to help pay to keep the home if she passes. My mom is worried what if at some point my brother cannot pay the policy and then if she passes away again my dad and I could be left homeless. My brother said that him getting that policy is him thinking of us and not just about himself and that this would fix his problem. My mom is also worried about the other previous loan plans because if some point my brother couldn’t pay the loan, we could still lose the home, and with my dad retiring soon, income will be even more lessened.

Mom has been worrying and crying because she wants to help so badly but it’s just not feasible. I have student loans, a car payment, medical loans, and credit card debt so I’m no help either. We also don’t have family or close friends with that type of money who could help. We’ve told him more than once that he needs to come clean, apologize so much for what he did, admit his mistake, and do the adult and right thing, but he refuses. For him that’s not an option no matter what.

So would we be the AH for not helping my brother cover up what he did and save his marriage?","He cheated, stole from the marriage, gambled, and now wants to risk your parents' home. Absolutely not."
AITAH for telling my sister it’s her own fault she’s in an unhappy marriage?,"throwaway. 

for some background. my husband (30M) and i (29F) have been together for 6 years, married for 3. we also have a 2 year old little girl. 

now, some background on mine and my husbands relationship. he’s amazing. we own our house jointly (important for later), he did all the night feeds when our little girl was a baby, he cooks most nights, while i do the dishes. there is no ‘main’ parent, we both take care of and plan stuff for our daughter equally, chores are always split jointly with no issue. i’ve never once felt overwhelmed by housework, motherhood, or anything of the sort because my husband is so supportive and will pick up the slack if needed, and i for him. 

all round we have a very healthy marriage based on love and respect for one another, and i couldn’t be more relieved and grateful for him. 

now for my sister. my sister, (31F) has always had an issue with anything i find joy in/makes me happy, ever since we were kids. 
if i liked a show, she’d go out of her way to ruin it for me. if i had a favourite toy, she’d find a way to ‘accidentally’ destroy it. everything i had, she either had to devalue it, or have the same but better. all our lives.  

this carried over to my relationship with my husband. when we first started dating she made snide comments about how he’s ’only being nice to sleep with you’, then when our relationship progressed her comments got worse. he’s ’not a real man’ because he cooks and does housework. he’s ’not a real man’ because he doesn’t take care of all the bills at home/didn’t buy the house by himself. i’m a ‘terrible wife and mother’ because i don’t act like my husbands mum, and don’t do all the childcare alone. he’s ’probably cheating on you, or gay’ because in her eyes, no ‘real’ straight man respects their partners apparently. to her, a ‘real man’ is one who disrespects women, refuses to clean up after themselves, refuses to cook/do anything around the house. that’s the wife’s job, according to her. a stereotypical ‘alpha male’. 

well, two years ago she met her now husband, and he’s an alpha male type, a ‘real man’ in her eyes. she still to this day thinks she has one up on me because of this. something she’s ‘won’, and i’ve ‘lost’. 

well, she recently had a baby with him, and as you can probably imagine, she had a major reality check. that same ‘real man’ that she fantasised about is now just another child for her to take care of, on top of a newborn baby. he doesn’t help her with anything. does no cooking or cleaning, refuses to change nappies or care for the baby alone, refuses to wake up with the baby in the night. 
a few weeks ago my husband and i babysat for her while she went to a doctors appointment.. while her husband SAT AT HOME because he wouldn’t look after the baby on his own. 

the house they live in is also in his name only, despite my sister paying the deposit and splitting the bills up until she was due to give birth. 

anyway, over the weekend we were at our parents house with our other sibling, our respective partners, and our kids. 
we were inside while her husband was watching a football game in the living room with our dad, and my husband was out in the garden playing with our daughter and our brothers children. my sister, of course, passed a snarky comment about my husband being ‘weird’ for not watching football with the guys, and about me having a glass of wine while ‘someone else’ was taking care of my child for me… ‘someone else’ being her father!! 

then, not even two minutes later, she started complaining about how hard it was being a mum and a wife, and how she’s so tired and can’t go anywhere without her baby anymore because her husband is ‘too scared’ to have her on her own, even for her to take a bath by herself. 

now, here’s where i might be the arsehole. after the comments about my own husband she had made minutes earlier, i was pissed off. i snapped at her, telling her it’s her own fault that she’s doing this alone, and that she chose to be in a unhappy marriage with a man who brings nothing to the table, whilst simultaneously constantly berating my husband and i for having a fair and equal marriage, and that i have no pity for her situation. 

this of course ended up in an argument in which my mother said i was ‘mean and cruel’ when i should be offering support to a new mum who’s having a hard time. 

truthfully, i don’t care. ive offered her support, which she’s shut down, looked after her baby when her husband outright refused to, have tried the gentle approach, and her only response has been to put me and my husband down. so as far as i’m concerned, she wanted these qualities in a husband and father, belittled my husband for having actual good qualities, and now that shes got what she wanted she’s realising it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. 

so, aita?",Your sister sounds like a real C U NxtTuedsay. Also why didn’t your mom chastise her for criticizing you and your husband’s relationship!?
AITAH for bailing on my friend after I found out she allowed a +1 I can’t stand to come?,"AITA for bailing on dinner because my friend text me as Im walking out the door telling me “oh btw” our mutual friend’s bf we both can’t stand is coming?
She knows I can’t stand this dude and neither can she but she didn’t have the balls to say no, he cant join. 
The group is quite small and its a sit down dinner so I can’t avoid him and really dont want to spend my time and money on a dinner in his company.
I feel bad bailing last minute, especially as I suggested this dinner….but she literally told me as I was about to walk out the door!
I feel guilty but I also dont…..AITA? ","She told you last minute for this exact reason.


Bail, feel no guilt. You're giving her the same warning she gave you"
AITAH for kissing my wife on the forehead instead of the lips because she had the flu ?,"Me (24m) and my wife (27f) are newlyweds. While we were engaged, we got developed a routine where I would kiss my wife minutes after she wakes up, as I wake up 1 or 2 hours before her.

Early December, when I woke up, I suspected that my sleeping wife was sick. She was very sweaty, her body felt warm, and she was snoring for the 1st time. I placed a thick blanket over her. 

When I heard coughing from her, I figured she work up. When I entered the room, she was coughing in her hands. I bent over to kiss as she was sniffling. I kissed her on her forehead. She asked me to please don't deny her because she's sick. Then I gave her a simple peck on the lips, not a husband and wife kiss. 

My wife suffered through the flu for over a week. I never got sick. She still brings up the fact that I had denied her a real kiss. She literally brought up this morning. Am I the asshole ? ","Your wife is a selfish person. 

A person that cares about you would prioritize ensuring you don’t get sick rather than whatever nonsense she pulled. 

Her being 27 is a surprise. Acting like she’s 16. 

NTA"
AITAH? Ghosted elderly neighbor I used to help bc she yelled at me when I helped her,"AITA?

I saw an elderly lady one day on the sidewalk with a walker struggling to walk. We were on an incline and access-a-ride or whatever service she had used had just dumped her on the sidewalk and she was clearly unstable and afraid to walk unassisted to her doorway (high rise).

I parked my car and hurried to help her. She was just like sunshine and told me to call her Mama. I was delighted to learn she was my neighbor and we exchanged numbers because I wanted her to be able to call me if she needed help.

It turns out she has a lot of help - a daily aide and two daughters who live in the same city. Still, I checked on her, brought her meals, once helped her get up when she fell and the ambulance was far away, grocery shopped for her - all on my own time and expense.

Then one day I had a household emergency - very very stressful. She called extremely upset and talked at me for about 15 min without letting me say I was in an emergency. Think - something big happened in my home enough for my family to be displaced and flee to temporary housing.

She was super upset about a missing Amazon package. I only dropped what I was doing because I was worried she might make herself sick because she was having a fit.

In fact, she was so distressed that I immediately halted what I was doing (which was very important and time sensitive for my own family) to help her. I drove to her building from my temporary apartment, talked to management and alerted staff and helped look for it. This is NYC, by the way. Parking is difficult and I feel it was a big ask.

Then I went upstairs to tell her what they said.

The aide opens the door and I see Mama sitting on the couch and she yells angrily, ""NOW WHAT DOES SHE WANT??? I DIDN'T ASK HER HERE, TELL HER TO GO!!!"" 

She was so angry, she wouldn't even look at me standing shocked in the doorway. It was so bizarre.

The sweet aide looked embarrassed and shut the door. This Mama lady didn't even deign to turn her head when she yelled. She basically treated me like a servant or pest! I had literally come at her request to help her!!! She had asked me to go search for it and I had done so just to help out.

Boy, I was so shocked and disappointed.

This reminded me of the time I looked over her abusing her aide - making snide comments like when I asked if her aide could help search for the missing package. She had snapped that the aide was ""stupid"" and ""useless"" and I had chalked it up to her being upset but now I realize the poor aide had been sitting there listening to that when I had taken the call twenty minutes prior to my arrival.

I just decided....she's not my mom. I'm not her paid caregiver. NO ONE can treat me that way. Ever. 

And I, after giving so much to strangers and friends, decided to just stop doing so much for people who mistreat my goodwill.

Weeks later, I answered her phone call by accident. I kid you not - she goes on a rant about her doctor like nothing had happened. I broke in and said, ""You really hurt my feelings that time I came by to help you when you yelled at me.""

She said, ""Oh, I was just stressed.""

And before I could answer, she said, ""I need some bread.""

I said, ""Ask your aide or daughters. I have to go.""

I was polite and we hung up but some part of me is torn because she's an old lady. But I'm not a doormat.

You can't yell at me after you asked me for help and I went out of my way to help you. I did nothing to deserve that. 

I plan never to answer her calls again. She only ever called me to ask me to run to the store for her and I'd always buy her fruit and staples out of my own pocket. I just felt she was one of my good deeds that I do as a silent protest to all the bad things happening in our world.

The asking for bread mid-sentence this time showed me she's just using me and I won't take abuse from anyone. Just keep my Pyrex casserole dishes as a parting gift. She never gave them back anyway. 

Leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. AITAH for ghosting her? 

I didn't sign up for thanks or anything. But I won't be yelled at or treated badly for no reason. ",NTA. How does the old saying go? Don't bite the hand that feeds you?
AITAH for not letting my mom call my child “my baby”?,"Me and my wife just brought our newborn baby home from the hospital. 

From the start my mother and wife never had a text book. Mother in law / Daughter in law dynamic.

Just a heads up, I’m the only one in my family  that’s in an interracial relationship.

In the beginning of me and my wife’s relationship my mother straight up told my wife that she “better not baby trap her my son”  My wife was shocked and hurt but still stayed because she loves me.

A month or two goes by when me and my lady had our first pregnancy scare, my mother found out of this incident because she decided to go through my jacket and found a receipt of me getting a pregnancy test. My mother flipped the out. She told my wife that either she goes on birth control or she would break up the relationship. I won’t lie at the time I was a huge mamas boy and didn’t shut that down like I should have. In the situation like this I gave my wife the out, to leave me cuz of how crazy my mother was. My lady decided to stay and she went on birth control at her own will just to be with me.

A year to 3 years would go by of my mother making comments towards my wife but my lady would fire back but not to rough. Looking back, I should’ve stepped in more when all this bs was going on.

A year later me and my wife decided to naive our relationship on to the next step, Marriage.
When I brought this up to my parents, my mother showed little to no joy of just being happy for me. Even after me telling her how much this girl meant to me. 

Later on in that year me and my lady got married and oddly enough everyone attended. Which I thought was a good turning point in my life. 

Well just after a few months, my wife announces that she is pregnant. My mother was excited at first. But as the pregnancy continued on she showed no interest at all. No call to check up on my wife or at least baby appointment check ups. Little to no concern for my wife or the baby.

While on the other had my mother was extremely supportive of my sister’s relationship. She’s frequently kept asking about my sister’s bf and encouraged dates, even though they were in high school and at this point have only been together for about 2/3 months.

One day when my wife was scrolling through Facebook. She stumbled upon a post my mother made specifically stating how happy she is and how proud she is that my sister is in a happy relationship. My lady was heartbroken maybe because of pregnancy hormones but at this point I had it. 

I went on to Facebook to publicly confront her. I said something like “ it’s crazy that you’ll celebrate my sister’s relationship when they’ve been together for only less than 3 months and yet you’ve never once said anything about me and my wife and at this point it’s been 5 years.” You might be asking “ why didn’t you talk to her privately?” Well I did but she still didn’t change and since she loves posting so much on Facebook I met her where she thrives. She called me mean and immature for embarrassing her. Well eventually we talked it out and I figured at this point we were good to move on. 

At me and my ladies gender reveal everyone who made asked me “ where’s your mom?” Well she didn’t come cuz she said “it’s not that important cuz she never had one herself” I told her that this important to me and all I needed was for her to just be there to support. Even if she thinks it’s the dumbest thing in the world.
Regardless didn’t show.

Next the baby shower. The day was going good until randomly my mother and my sis had to leave 2 hours into baby shower to take my sis to her bfs family event. My sis never came back to my baby shower but my mother came back 3 hours later. The whole time my wife and some guest kept asking “ Where’s your mom?” And this was hard to explain to people especially my wife.

As the due date got closer my mother finally started to show interest in baby. Asking if my wife needed anything.

Well when the day came of my child’s arrival it was a nice touching moment which I thought was the end to this whole fiasco. Especially between my mom and ladies relationship.

Once we came home from the hospital and we finally got baby settled down. Two weeks gone by and I wanted to take my kid south to go see my side of the family. This was also a good chance to see the healthier role my mother can play as a grandma. 

While visiting my mother kept referring to my kid as “my baby” . My lady didn’t take a liking to this. Especially due to my mother’s track record of disrespect towards my lady. 

So I decided to finally set my first boundary with my mother. I told my mom she can’t say “my baby”. My mother was acting like a child. She kept ignoring me and finally on the third attempt to get her attention. I told her this is the first boundary because she never supported my wife, didn’t attend my gender reveal, left mid way of my baby shower (3 hours), and only now showed interest when baby is finally here.

My mother was super upset with me and she said that I really hurt her feelings. 

I said that words do matter, especially after being dismissed and neglected and that now I’m prioritizing my wife and kid. It’s my story now, not yours. 

AITAH?


","Other than the fact that there's a baby involved. 


Why did you think anything would change?"
AITAH for laughing at my best friend when he said blonde hair makes a woman look smelly ?,"Me (19f) and my best friend (20m) were at lunch. Another friend (19f) wanted me to see if my bestie would date her. My bestie said he's not attracted to her. I asked why and he said promise not to tell her the real reason. I promised. 

He said when he thinks of blonde hair, he thinks of summer, then thinks of sweat. He said blonde hair makes him have a mental picture that the woman is smelly. I started laughing in the diner, gathering some attention. He told me to stop laughing and he said it's not funny. That he knows it's irritational but that's how his mind works. I was having a hard time not laughing especially since he told me stop laughing. I kept on laughijg. He got up and stormed off. He's not answering me on social media nor the phone. Am I the asshole ?","Are they neuro divergent by any chance? I've grown up surrounded by spectrum positive folks from whom I have heard similar pickiness with regard to potential partners.

 Also eew stinky colors."
MIL wants to see to personalized notes on thank you cards for my baby’s 1st birthday party aitah,"I made thank you cards with pics of my daughter from the party and a general message saying thank you for coming to celebrate with us. When we opened gifts we wrote down the names of who bought them and what they got so I can write personalized notes.

I finally got them in the mail and I asked her to send me the addresses of the family from her side so I can mail them out. She sent it to me and then asked me to send her back a picture of the notes I write.

This greatly irritated me and I don’t plan on replying or showing them to her. But i know she’ll be facetiming to talk to the baby soon and i know she’s going to ask again. Not sure what i would say as its not that big a deal but she tends to overstep and I’m over it. AITAH for this or does anyone else feel me? Lol",Oh oops it's too bad you forgot to take pictures before mailing them out 😇
AITAH for telling my brother in law he should have spoke to me before asking my toddler not to do something?,"My brother in law is staying with us currently, I am a stay at home mom to my 3.5 yr old. I was upstairs with my toddler trying to do some cleaning/organizing, while my toddler was playing around and goofing off. My brother in law was downstairs. My son has been really into stomping his feet and pretending to be a dinosaur/monster lately and thats what he was doing. We are upstairs so in hindsight I imagine it sounded pretty loud underneath, I wasnt paying it much mind at the time because he was having fun and I was getting things done. But my brother in law starts calling up the stairs for my son trying to get his attention, my son then runs and hides (in a playful way not fearful) so my brother in law has to come upstairs to talk to him.
 
I didn't know what he was wanting to talk to him about but could tell his vibe was off, he proceeds to tell my son to not stomp anymore because its really loud and its ""not nice"" It sounds silly saying this, it doesnt sound like a big deal, but I can't describe the tone of his voice, it wasn't particularly angry, he didn't yell, but there was something in his tone that even I didn't like. But I cant put my finger on it. Anyways, my brother in law goes back downstairs and I notice my son is now crying. So spend a few minutes comforting him and then redirect him. Then I start stewing, and not being entirely sure why. But then when i couldnt keep quiet I say to my brother in law that he should really talk to me before ""reprimanding"" my son for something. I think reprimanding was the wrong word choice, he rebuttled with he was just asking him to stop-he didn't use and angry voice afterall-I could tell he was annoyed with me and he was being very defensive. 

I didn't really say much because I didn't know what to say. I think I just kind of said ""well still"".  I was mad I guess that my son was having a good time and now he was sad. If he had talked to me about it I could have talked to my son myself if I knew it was bothering him and it probably could have been done without it resulting in him crying.  Instead it felt like he skirted by me and was trying to police my son. There's been instances before where I've gotten irritated because he's tried to tell my son he can't have something or can't do something (for no apparent reason other than control?) that I or his dad had no issue with him having or doing so this felt more of the same. Except in this instance my son's actions were directly affecting him, I still feel he should have let me know if it was bothering him though. Its been hours and its still bothering me with the way he reacted to me saying he should talk to me first so I guess I need to know if I came off as the asshole.

EDIT: I feel that I should add for some of the people that think otherwise, my kid is VERY well behaved and is an absolute sweetheart, he doesnt walk all over me lol and if I set a boundary he is generally pretty good at respecting that boundary. But we are used to having the house to ourselves and being free to make noise and it did not occur to me at the time it was happening that it would be bothersome for my BIL. 

EDIT: BIL does not have a job and is not wfh, this was in fact the middle of the day doing after lunch cleaning

EDIT: For any more people that want to comment ""I wasnt parenting my kid so BIL had to"" I just want to highlight that AGAIN I didn't know it was bothersome, it hasnt been brought up before, how can I parent my kid to all of a sudden behave differently in his own home because it bothers someone who's there and I dont even know that its bothering them?","YTA.

It’s completely normal to feel protective of your kid, especially when someone else steps in. That part makes sense.

At the same time, by your own account, the stomping was loud and directly affecting someone else in the house. That’s one of those moments where it probably would’ve helped if you’d stepped in first. When parents don’t address something that’s bothering others, it puts everyone else in an awkward position — either they say something, or they just have to tolerate it.

Your brother-in-law didn’t yell or insult your son; he asked him to stop doing something that was disruptive. The reaction (your son crying) doesn’t automatically mean he did something wrong — toddlers cry when they’re corrected, even gently.

Being defensive of your child is understandable, but if you expect others not to intervene, it also means taking ownership of setting boundaries yourself. Otherwise, you’re kind of setting your kid up for situations where corrections come from people who aren’t you, and that’s usually harder on them."
I shared a video with family of my cousin’s husband doing shady things. AITAH?,"I live in the same house as my cousin (F 60)  and her husband (M 56). 

They have constantly been abusive to me by accusing me of stealing money and telling me that they wish I would just kill myself. So I had turned to isolating myself in my bedroom and had a camera installed so that when they do these things they are recorded for me to take as evidence to the courts. 

I didn’t always have time to sift through hours of footage every day so there things that I missed that happened while I was not home. 

But I’ve been searching for evidence of them entering my room and searching through my stuff mostly because my highly scheduled pain and ADHD medication have gone missing. 

I see an occasion time stamped in November 2025 where my cousins husband comes into my room rummages in my laundry basket and then through the through the pile of worn clothes on my chair, he then proceeds to smell my dirty underwear and then photograph it.

I told his wife what I saw him doing and she proceeded to shout at me that I’m dirty and disgusting and I should wash my underwear straight away in the shower and not leave it laying around my room for everyone to see. 

I told her that my untidiness is not an excuse for such a disgusting invasion of privacy. She continued to blame me and started shouting and swearing at me which I proceeded to record as a VN to one of my friends on Whatsapp. 

I then proceeded to post the video of him on our family WhatsApp group. With the caption: Look at our local family pervert! And then I also forwarded the voice note of her swearing at me to the group. 

After about half an hour I was removed from the family group. AITAH? 


","nta

Good you exposed him, what a creep!"
AITAH for allowing my niece to stay with my husband and I temporarily?,"My niece is 19 and there is a 9 year difference between my niece and I and a nine year difference between my sister and I her being older. My sister is upset because she believes my husband and I are bad influences because of our differing views on how to live or as my mom put it “our political party” and for the record we don’t even align with the political party my family says we are. She also believes we are bad influences because we drink at family gatherings and support the use of medical MJ. Just because we do these things doesn’t mean we would allow my niece to she is only 19. Other than that I’m not sure if there is anything else this is just what my mom said. 

On top of that she is upset because my niece decided to change colleges to a college that my husband and I are attending and that my sister and her husband did not approve of her going to when she applied during high school. Now my niece is staying with us until she can get housing at her new university. We live close to the university and staying with her parents without a way to get there would be difficult. Plus they told her she cannot have her own room because of her younger siblings which she felt was necessary for getting homework done. 

Her next best bet would be to live with my parents and to just deal with them having a set curfew and backlash if she can’t follow the rules of their house. She already stayed with them over summer break and got a taste of what that was like. She also worked the night shift at her job during that time. At my house we don’t require her to be home at a certain time just that she be safe and aware of her surroundings and give a text if she’s gonna be out super late. We ask that she be mindful of food so we can all keep track of when we run out of something and that she helps keep the house clean. 

My mom called me to tell me that she can feel the tension building because we welcomed her into our home and that we didn’t tell anyone that she was staying with us. We left it up to her to tell people. My mom doesn’t want any fighting between me and my sister. My sister said that I crossed the line by allowing her daughter to stay with us. She said to my niece that she doesn’t want us around her kids and she would be happier if she and her kids could stay in her own little bubble. My sister never talks to me about things that bother her and always tells my parents and from what I’ve heard she talks to many other people about what I do that bothers her which makes this really hard to understand what I did that bothered her. So, AITAH? Was it my responsibility to inform my family that she was staying with me?","NTA, but kindly your family is crazy. Good tor you for helping your niece."
AITAH for unintentionally getting my coworker fired?,"I (30M) work as a finisher is cabinet making, I started last August and have been in this feild for about 6 years. I mostly work alone as its a woodshop and the other people here are usually covered in dust, sawdust and debris so outside of my booth day to day I don't really see what's going on.

About 3 months before I started here there was another new hire who I'll call Sam. Sam works as the sander/primer and preps all the parts before I put a final coat of paint on them. He is just out of school for carpentry / cabinet making. For the first few months everything went great.

One day I got an entire kitchen order sent back to me because the customer wasn't happy, I looked over the parts and could clearly see why and this started happening more and more frequently. My boss seemed to think that all the problems were coming from my end. I tweaked a bunch of stuff in how I preform my work and the set up I have to try and mitigate all these issues. This job has been great for myself and my family and I really did not want anything to jeopardize it. 

After about a month of all this happening I contacted a consultant who has been in the field for a lot longer than I have to review how I'm doing my job. After a few hours he determined that I was doing well with my work and decided to look into other factors of what might be happening in the shop.

He went over to see how the prep work was operating (priming and sanding) and found that he was doing his work completly wrong and relayed all the information over to my boss. I'm not really sure what happened after that as I stated before that I'm usually isolated by myself in my own work area but I know that coworker was let go shortly after.

I feel bad because I know where I'm living everything is getting more expensive to just live a normal life and my only intention was to secure my job and had no intentions in someone else losing their job over this.

So, am I the asshole for this?",You did nothing to him. You did your job. He didn't do his and apparently your boss didn't think he was coachable
AITAH for prioritizing my finances over my relationship?,"My (37f) boyfriend (39m) have known each other for about a year and a half. Early last year he confided in me that his credit score was “not good”. I have always prided myself on having a good one and with managing my money correctly in general. He asked if he could be put as an authorized user on my card. I was hesitant initially because he is an entrepreneur and didn’t have a full-time job (still doesn’t). He said that I could keep the card in my files and he didn’t need to use it, it was just to help his credit score. I relented. At the same time this was all happening, he was also doing some work on my house. He would borrow my credit card when he needed to go buy things and then leave my card in his unlocked car. When the new card came, I told him to just use it for my house things as I was tired of asking for my card back continuously. As time went on, he found out the card gave me better cash back on restaurants so it then became the go to card when we went out to eat and he would just pay me back as needed. That slowly evolved into him using it every time he went to a restaurant (with or without me) and then for basically everything in his life. He did always pay me back, but I always had to remind him.

About 8 months ago I was in a car accident. I was hit while sitting at a stop light and pushed into the car in front of me. My car ended up being totaled. Since my accident, I have been borrowing my mom’s vehicle. It’s rather old with lots of miles, but since I work from home I’m not putting too many miles on it. Thankfully my parents are retired and can mostly manage with one car, but we are all getting tired of me borrowing it.

Recently, I started car shopping because I received the payout from my insurance. I hadn’t fully decided yet what I wanted because I like to research things. Around this same time, my boyfriend tells me there an international conference he might go to so he can pitch his idea for his dream company he wants to have. A week or more later, it starts becoming more possible for him and he’s telling me everything is coming together and if it does, he’s jumping on a plane that weekend. That weekend, my best friend comes to visit. We are out shopping and having fun and he calls me. He’s asking if he can use the credit card to purchase the fully refundable plane tickets. He tells me he’s currently just waiting on two things. The wire transfer from the people (investors) paying for this trip for him and his colleague and confirmation from the host that they will be able to join in this conference once they arrive. After confirming that he can cancel the tickets, I agree to it. He texts me later that he’s still waiting to hear from the host. At this point, I assume (yes, I should never assume) the wire transfer is confirmed as he never mentioned it again.

When he returned, I didn’t see him much because he was sick and ultimately got me sick, but I was checking my emails late one night and saw that my credit card statement had dropped and it was for about $7550. I was in shock. The next day I texted him about it asking why he didn’t pay it off when he returned like he told me he would. He responded with, “I’m waiting on a wire from the investor. This is my priority today.” It was my day off and I had errands to run, but he texted me later in the day and asked me to call him. I did. The investor had decided to tell him in their meeting they weren’t going to give him the money. I kept calm as he explained that he would keep trying to find someone to pay me back, but I was angry and he knew it.

A few days later he came over and told me he wanted to just listen and let me talk. So, I did. I told him: 

1-it was irresponsible to do that with someone else’s money

2-that he had told me that he was waiting on the wire transfer before he went so I was confused why he left before it was confirmed

3-how my credit score had dropped 22 points because of this

4-how angry I was with him because I now had to pay it off or let it sit there gaining interest while my credit score continued to suffer. 

5-how I needed to use that money for a down payment on a car and I needed a high credit score to get a better rate to make sure I could afford the payments

6-reminded him of his promise he made to me before that he would never cause me any financial issues due to his business

He told me it was his priority to get me paid back by an investor (he doesn’t have the money to spare). He also asked me if I wanted to hear how he would handle this situation if it was reversed. After agreeing, he basically said that if it was reversed, he would be more worried about making sure our relationship was ok, than worrying about just a car. He then gave me the following example: “If you had taken my car out and gotten into an accident, I would be more concerned about if you were ok and then if we were ok, not about the car.” I told him that it wasn’t the same scenario and he basically just changed the subject. He did also tell me that he knew the money wasn’t being wired before he left and he knew when they got back that it was still “in the works” but didn’t want to worry me. I asked him, “if I hadn’t seen the email about my statement, when would you have told me?” He didn’t really have an answer.

About a week, and a few arguments later, I told him I wanted to go on a break. That was about two and a half weeks ago now. During this time since our first talk, he has proclaimed me as the love of his life, implied multiple times that I don’t have any faith in him (literally I’ve been his biggest cheerleader through our relationship), tried to break boundaries I’ve set regarding the break, asked if I wanted to be with someone else (I told him absolutely not), told me he should get some grace because of the house projects he’s done for me, and continued to imply I’m a bad partner for being so upset about the money for a car. I even told him at one point, it’s not specifically about a car, it’s about my freedom. I literally had to ask my mom if I could use her car to drive a few hours away for a weekend with my bestie. I also told him that this financial issue isn’t the only thing wrong with our relationship and that we need to discuss those things also before actually getting back together because they’ve kind of been swept under the rug. When he asked what I was talking about, I told him a few things we had recently fought about and he just said, “oh, those” like I was bringing up items on a grocery list. 

I do also want to clarify, if he had asked me to loan him the money, this would be a whole different scenario. I already gave him a loan at one point because he needed some help and he paid me back. I do also understand he didn’t do this on purpose to hurt me.

I just want to know if I am being the asshole in the situation for not just forgiving him and working through this.",NTA He played you. Time to move on.
AITAH for wanting to cut off my biological father after he ignored my engagement and only contacted me after a mass casualty attack?,"Backstory: I (25F) was conceived via IVF. My biological father left my mum while she was pregnant after having an affair. He was not involved in my childhood at all. We moved interstate when I was 7 and he never visited or called, even when we lived close by.

My mum later met the man I’ve called my dad for the last 21 years. He raised me, showed up, and is my real father in every way that matters.

Ironically, my biological father has helped raise multiple step-children since leaving, so he’s clearly capable of being present, just not for me lol. 

His mother (my nan) has always been wonderful and consistently involved in my life, which is part of what makes this complicated. She created a family group chat that includes my biological father, but that’s essentially the only “communication” we have. He never messages me directly and only acknowledges me if someone else speaks first.

When I was 15, I asked my nan to stop referring to him as “dad” because I already had a dad. She respected that and still does.

Mid 2025, I got engaged. I called my nan first, and she encouraged me to tell my biological father. I didn’t want to, but figured a quick phone call wouldn’t hurt. I FaceTimed him and it rang out. He never returned the call.

Later, I posted a photo of my ring in the family group chat. He didn’t respond or react. I then announced my engagement on social media. He didn’t like or comment on anything, despite us being connected.

Months later, my cousin mentioned to him that I had tried calling. He claimed he “never got the call” and said he’d have called me back if he had. And then had the hide to say he was excited for the wedding. This led to my cousin questioning whether I even had the right number. I did.

Despite me calling, posting in the group chat, posting publicly and him being told verbally he has still never acknowledged my engagement.

I didn’t invite him to my engagement party. He said nothing. My birthday came around cheeky HB in the chat and thats it. 

For context of this next part I work in emergency services. 

In early December, there was a mass casualty attack in the district I work in that made international headlines (I’m okay). The very next day, my biological father DM’d me saying he was glad I was safe. This was the first direct message I’d received from him since my 21st birthday.

From my perspective, it took a literal mass casualty event for him to reach out.

Around this time, my nan suggested I call him for Father’s Day, which she has never done before. I explained honestly that I don’t see him as a father and told her about the engagement situation. She was shocked and said she had no idea, and she’s respected my feelings since.

At this point, I don’t want to see his name on my phone at all. I haven’t formally blocked him, but I plan to stop engaging entirely and move on with my life with my actual dad (my stepdad), who has always shown up for me.

The only reasons I’ve hesitated to cut him off completely are:

1. He’s wealthy, unmarried and I’m his only biological child. I know this is shallow, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a factor.

2. Maintaining a relationship with my nan, who still talks about him regularly and doesn’t see him the way I do.

So, AITAH for wanting to cut off my biological father after a lifetime of neglect, ignoring major milestones, and only reaching out when it suited him?","Don’t block him, don’t call him. Don’t expect him to be anything genuine. Accept him as a distant relative whose you don’t interact. Wait for your inheritance."
UPDATE: AITAH for Wanting my step siblings in new home,"First of all, thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. I read everything even the comments that were hard to hear. A lot of people told me to talk to a trusted adult instead of keeping everything bottled up, so that’s what I did.
I waited a few days first to see if my mom’s behavior would change on its own after I told her how left out I felt. It didn’t. Nothing changed.

So I reached out to my uncle my dad’s cousin. He’s the adult I’m closest to on my dad’s side, and he’s always been there for me since my dad passed. I told him everything. About the wedding, the gala, feeling replaced, feeling like I’m slowly losing my place in my own family. He was shocked. He told me very clearly that if I’m not comfortable in this blended family situation, my mom should not be rushing into marriage. He said either the wedding should be postponed until I’m okay with everything, or serious changes need to happen. He also said that if I genuinely feel unsafe or emotionally pushed aside, then moving out to live with my dad’s parents is a valid option not a betrayal.

He suggested a full family meeting. So this weekend, there will be a meeting with my mom, my grandparents from my dad’s side, and my aunts and uncles. I’m going to say everything I’ve been holding in calmly, but honestly. As for what’s been happening since my last post… things honestly hurt even more.

Last week, my mom went shopping again multiple times and I was excluded every single time. She came home with bags full of stuff, but not one thing for me. I’m not even mad about the money. It’s the message that hurt. Then yesterday was the gala.
She went to their place in the afternoon and didn’t come back. They posted tons of photos family photos her, her fiancé, and his kids. Everyone smiling. Everyone looking complete. No one checked how I was doing. No one thought about how it might feel for me. She still hasn’t really addressed it properly. I'm not saying my mom's love for me changed, She still loves me and kind towards me takes care of me but her priority is changed 

At this point, I’ve realized something important about myself im not ready to share my only parent.
That doesn’t mean I hate my mom. It doesn’t mean I want her to be lonely forever. It means I’m a kid who already lost one parent and isn’t ready to emotionally lose the other one too. So I’ve decided where my boundaries are. if she goes through with this marriage as things are now, I won’t stay in that house. I will move in with my grandparents on my dad’s side. If that means she gives up custody, then that’s what it means. I’m not doing this to punish her I’m doing it to protect myself.


I’m not okay with his kids being in my home constantly y mom “momming” them while I feel invisible Being told I’m a priority while actions say otherwise if she can’t choose both being a wife and protecting my place as her son then I won’t sacrifice my mental health to make this work.
And for the people who said I’m selfish for not wanting to “share” my mom Ask yourself this 
Will my future stepdad share his wealth, lifestyle, and opportunities equally with all four of us? Will I suddenly have the same access, same treatment, same world as his biological kids? Because if the answer is no, then don’t tell me love and sacrifice only go one way. I didn’t ask for this situation. I didn’t ask for my dad to die. I didn’t ask for a blended family. I’m just trying to survive changes that feel way bigger than me. I still love my mom.
But I won’t disappear to make her new life easier. ",I’m sorry your mother is so selfish.
AITAH for telling my family I won’t attend gatherings anymore if they keep making comments about my life choices?,"every family gathering becomes an opportunity for my family members to talk to me about my career, finance, and lifestyle. Every time, I’ve complained to them that it makes me very uncomfortable. However, they claimed that I am too sensitive. In our last family gathering, I told them that if they don’t stop, I wouldn’t be coming to family gatherings anymore. Now, they aptly criticized me for acting dramatic and inconsiderate.","Boundaries are important. My family has constantly questioned me based on religious or what they call moral reasons. Probably taken roughly 25 years to get to a point of what I find acceptable. They never liked the girls I dated nor the friends I hung out with. Things are good now but you can’t ever get comfortable and must be willing to continue to reinforce your boundaries. If your family is like mine, they act this way cause you or I have let them get away with it in the past. Really up to us what we will put up with."
AITAH for not wanting to give a colleague lifts to/from work?,"The issue I’m querying is whether I’m the a**hole for not wanting to give a colleague a lift to and from work.  

We both live relatively near each other, basically about 10 minutes out of my way on my route home. Our place of work is 25 miles away and our working hours line up most of the time though we work for different parts of the business.

It started when we were on a work social and a third party mentioned that I lived near to her.  I was the duty driver on that night out.  They asked on the night whether I could drive them home, I politely declined as I was leaving early due to family commitments the following day.

The third party then passed my number to my colleague who asked whether I could take them in during recent inclement weather.  I did so for two days due to no public transport running which normally can get them there and home most of the time.  

Fast forward a few weeks and I’ve come out to find them waiting in reception for me as I exit the building.  Particularly on our late night finishes.  I’ve told them that my good will has limits but she went through her line manager with a complaint that I was leaving a female to make her way home alone on public transport late at night.  There is nothing work wise compelling me to do anything in respect of her passage home and I’ve told the company as much.

Am I being an a**hole here?","nta!

Especially on late nights, I wouldn't want to take even a 5 minute diversion from my home route. You aren't her driver."
AITAH for refusing to let my boyfriend’s aunt stay at our house?,"I (28F) have been living with my boyfriend (30M) for about five years. Two years ago, we moved to France (we are Portuguese) so he could be closer to his family and so we could build a better life.

In December 2025, we rented a two-bedroom house because my boyfriend has a daughter who lives in Portugal with her mother, and we wanted her to have her own room when she visits during holidays.

Last week, my boyfriend’s mother told us that her family (her mother, two sisters, one sister’s husband, and their two kids) would be coming to spend the weekend of her birthday in March. I asked where everyone would be sleeping, and she said they would all stay at her place, even though there isn’t much space.

That’s when my boyfriend, without talking to me first, told his mother that one of his aunts (who is single) could stay at our house since we have a spare bedroom. I was furious.

For context, my boyfriend’s family rarely calls to check in on us. On his birthday, they usually just post a “happy birthday” on Facebook. They constantly talk badly about everyone (including their own family), call my boyfriend fat since he gained weight after moving to France, and think it’s funny.

My boyfriend avoids conflict and never tells them he’s uncomfortable, which really frustrates me because I’m the complete opposite.

I’ve never liked that side of his family (except for his mom, stepdad, and siblings). His dad passed away in 2017 and his mom remarried. They’ve also commented on my weight (yes, I know, I have mirrors at home), and overall I don’t think they’re kind or trustworthy people.

Today we went to my boyfriend’s mom’s house, and he again said his aunt could stay with us. I said no — this was never discussed between us, and I simply don’t want anyone staying in our home. I would consider it if they were nice people, but they aren’t.

My boyfriend’s stepdad joked that the aunt wouldn’t mind staying with us for a whole month, and I replied, “not even if you paid me.” I know that was a mistake.

My boyfriend got upset with me, and I think his mom did too. When we got home, I explained again why I don’t want anyone staying over, especially knowing how I feel about that part of his family.

He disagreed, saying that the comments don’t bother him, that he doesn’t want to cause drama over something that’s “just a weekend,” and that my comment at his mom’s house was inappropriate because she was visibly uncomfortable.

In the end, we agreed that no one would stay at our house.

Now I’m wondering: AITA for refusing to let his aunt stay with us and for how I reacted? Was I being too harsh, or are my reasons valid?","NTA.  Reasons valid.  Ask them why you should allow someone that has not made any effort to befriend you, treat you kindly and has done the exact opposite to you, stay in your home and expect hospitality from you and see what they say."
"WIBTAH for wanting to end my Marriage that feels like a chore, and I don't know if I'm overreacting","
Hiiiii guys, I need advice or help or whatever it may be. I'm 28(F) and recently married in 2025 to my 35(M) husband. I feel like our relationship may be fizzing out, and I don't know if we moved too fast or what the issue is.

Some context: We got married, and I have no kids of my own, but he does from previous marriages (he's been married twice before me). In the beginning, he gave me everything I ever wanted, but now his attention and efforts have shifted. We both work demanding jobs with long hours, and I have a MIL and family-in-law from hell. Despite all this, I continue to love and support him.

Here's what's got me worried:

1. He recently removed my access from his phone after I found some incriminating messages that made me feel uneasy. It seemed like he was nostalgic for his exes and complained about my snooping (I've been given reasons to snoop in the past, but that's a whole other story).
2. I'm never included in family-related things, and most of the time, I feel sidelined and like I'm just being dragged along in plans or decisions.
3. His devices get more attention than I do. Our conversations are short, and he barely touches me anymore. If we do talk, it's about insignificant things, and we both cut the conversation short.
4. The intimacy is still there, but it's not as regular as it used to be. I've also expressed my desire to have a child of my own, but it's been a struggle.

I've tried talking to him about how I feel, but I've been dismissed. I don't know what to do. It's hard to walk away, but it's a fight to stay too. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.",NTA - this is why you are wife #3.
AITAH for disengaging from my friend group on a graduation trip and effectively ending the friendships?,"I (23F) went on a two-week graduation trip with four other women (all early 20s). We traveled through three European countries by train, starting in Spain and ending in Germany.

Before the trip, we tried to be organized and fair. Each of us “took charge” of a city/country and presented a PowerPoint itinerary. We discussed and modified plans together so everyone agreed ahead of time, with the goal of avoiding conflict during the trip.

**Group dynamic background:**  
I had known one girl, Ava, for about five years, but we were never very close — more than acquaintances, less than close friends. Ava’s best friend is Veronica, her college roommate. The other two girls were also closer friends with Ava and Veronica, and I was introduced to them through that connection.

Even before the trip, I often felt like an outsider. The group revolved around Veronica’s opinions, Ava consistently backed her, and the rest followed along. There were lots of inside jokes I wasn’t part of. I also had the feeling I was included partly because splitting costs was cheaper and because I’m introverted and not confrontational.

**During the trip:**  
From the start in Spain, I felt invisible. No one asked for my opinions, and when I did share them, they were usually overridden in favor of what Veronica wanted. While walking around, people paired off and I was frequently left walking behind alone. I stayed quiet because we had already agreed on the plans and I didn’t want to cause tension.

Things escalated when we reached the city I was in charge of.

They followed my plan for exactly one day. On the second day, they had a separate conversation without me and decided to change plans to spend hours at a café — something I had already adjusted the itinerary around earlier. I was fine with the change itself, but I was hurt that I wasn’t included in the discussion and was only told last minute on the way to the train station.

Later that day, I took them to a viewpoint that involved walking up stairs and inclined streets (not a hike through nature — just urban climbing). Because of earlier delays, we were losing daylight, so I tried to keep a steady pace. Veronica started complaining loudly about “why we had to hurry” and questioning the plan. She was the only one complaining.

For context, throughout the trip, whenever things didn’t go her way, Veronica would redirect attention to herself — including once claiming a medical emergency that she quickly “recovered” from once we suggested going to the ER.

After multiple complaints, I finally snapped and said that this *was* the agreed-upon plan and that we were already running out of time. She responded by telling me to “just go by yourself.” So I did. The rest of the group stayed with her and eventually came up later.

After that, I emotionally disengaged and started exploring on my own instead of forcing myself into a group where I felt unwanted.

**The next day:**  
I had made a lunch reservation months in advance. While separated, the group decided (again without me) not to go and instead eat somewhere Veronica wanted. I went along with them. When my reservation time came up and I asked about it, they told me they weren’t going and said I could go alone and they’d pay the cancellation fee.

I chose to explore alone instead. No one checked on me.

That evening, we had plans to go out. I texted asking where they were eating so we could walk together. When I arrived, there was no seat for me — the restaurant was full, and they hadn’t told the server an extra person was coming, despite knowing I was on my way. They were already dressed to go out while I was still in travel clothes. I said I’d go back to the Airbnb to change.

I hadn’t eaten dinner because I thought we were eating together. After changing, I texted again and was told they had already finished and were walking to the next bar. I took an Uber to meet them.

When I arrived, no one spoke to me. I was ignored entirely. Two strangers joined the group and introduced themselves; Ava introduced everyone — except me. She skipped right over me. At the next bar, I was still completely excluded.

I finally asked for the apartment key and said I was going back. I told them I’d leave the key in the lockbox.

Ava and another girl, Bianca, chased after me asking why I was leaving. I told them I felt ignored and invisible all night. They said they had wanted to talk to me about the earlier conflict, but because I had separated from the group, they “didn’t get the chance.”

I explained that I felt unheard the entire trip and that the group always revolved around Veronica. Ava responded by accusing me of being jealous of her friendship with Veronica. Bianca mostly stayed silent. I was crying from frustration and told them the conversation wasn’t going anywhere, then walked back to the apartment alone at 1 a.m. (I stayed on the phone with a friend in the UK for safety.)

**After that:**  
No one spoke to me the next day. When we reached the next country (which Veronica was in charge of), I chose to do my own thing entirely. We spent two days there. I had an early flight home (as planned), and no one was awake, so I texted the group wishing them safe travels. No one replied.

No one reached out afterward.

A month later, Bianca texted saying they “knew I tried my best to accommodate everyone,” that it was “unfortunate the trip wasn’t what I wanted,” and wished me luck in my future. It felt like an obligation text or a goodbye, not an attempt to fix anything.

I replied reiterating that I felt unheard and wished her well. There’s been no contact since.

**AITA for disengaging from the group during the trip and effectively ending the friendships?**

  
Edit: For those of you asking, ppt was NOT my idea. It was Ava’s idea as well as Veronica’s. They took it very seriously",What friendships were there to begin with? Nta
AITAH for refusing to take care of a sick relative after they treated  me poorly?,"A few months ago, my cousin, who I’ve had a complicated relationship with for years, fell seriously ill. In the past, they have often been rude, dismissive, and at times manipulative toward me. Despite this, when I heard they were sick, I considered helping out. Friends and family immediately assumed I would step in, and I felt some pressure to do so.

When I offered to help in small ways at first, like running errands or bringing food, my cousin reacted as if I owed them more. They reminded me of past mistakes I had made years ago, even ones I had apologized for, and framed them as reasons why I wasn’t trustworthy. This pattern repeated several times, and I began to feel drained and anxious at the thought of taking on full caregiving responsibilities.

Eventually, they asked me directly to take care of them at home while they recovered. I explained that I couldn’t commit to full-time care due to my own work, family obligations, and mental health. I suggested alternatives, like hiring a professional caregiver or asking other relatives who had fewer responsibilities, but this was dismissed by my family. They said I should put my cousin first, and some criticized me for being “uncaring” or “unhelpful.”

I decided to stick to my boundaries. I still check in occasionally and offer small gestures of support, but I refused to take on full caregiving responsibilities. My cousin continues to recover with professional help, and my family is divided about my decision.

I feel confident in prioritizing my own well-being, but some relatives are insisting I’m in the wrong. I want to know if I’m actually the asshole for refusing to take care of someone who treated me poorly in the past.",You’re not obligated to sacrifice your mental health for someone who treated you badly for years. You tried to help in reasonable ways and were met with reproaches. It’s normal to set boundaries when a situation starts to affect you.
AITAH for not wanting to wear jewelry with my partners name on it. (I also never wear jewelry to begin with).,"Started as what I thought was a simple interaction of my GF asking me if I thought a pinky ring was cute that could have her name on it. I Told her that I'm glad she likes it but she knows I don't really wear jewelry (which she knows) and that even if I did find jewelry I liked, I don't like the idea of wearing a significant other on jewelry.

I assured her that I loved her all the same and it's not because of her I simply wouldn't put anyone's name on my body, much less on jewelry I never wear.

  
This turned into her saying that I don't want girls to know her name when I'm not with her and that I'm unfaithful because I don't wanna entertain this idea.

  
I then was completely honest after assuring her more that I loved her that I feel as though people wearing their significant others names is akin to me personally as a dog wearing a collar and I just can't see it any other way and that I loved her all the same and I trusted her fully. At this point she's saying she doesn't want my name on her either. 

  
This turned into her switching up and saying she always wanted matching jewelry with someone for sentimental reasons and she guesses it won't be with me. I told her I would go with her to look at stuff and of course buy something matching/engraved with her if it's important, I just probably won't wear it (cause again, I don't like jewelry with names on it). To this she says there's no point if I'm not wearing it.

  
AITAH?



Edit: we are both 28 🙃",">This turned into her saying that I don't want girls to know her name when I'm not with her and that I'm unfaithful because I don't wanna entertain this idea.

That's just nonsense."
AITAH for siding with one brother over another?,"I have two brothers that live together, and they live with one of their girlfriends. Let’s call them bro1 and bro2. Today they called me up asking for advice because they can’t agree on something. Bro2 wants a friend / potential gf to visit them and stay with them for a week. This girl lives in a different country and would be flying for 6 hours one way to come visit. Bro2 is planning to pay for her flight. 

Bro1 and his gf feel uncomfortable with a stranger staying with them for that long. They are trying to figure out a way to let Bro1 have this girl visit, but in a way that would make them more comfortable. Examples we all discussed when brainstorming this include the girl staying for 3 days instead of a week, bro1 and his gf going away somewhere to avoid the situation, and bro2 paying for a hotel for this girl. 

Ultimately, it doesn’t seem that bro1 and gf are going to be comfortable with this person visiting and staying for a week. Bro1 feels like a No should outweigh a Yes because it is crossing a boundary they aren’t comfortable with. Bro2 feels like he pays for equal parts of the rent and should be able to have this person stay with them. Her flying 6 hours one way and 6 hours back doesn’t sound worth it for 3 days. Bro2 doesn’t want to pay for a hotel when they have a place she could stay. 

Here were my thoughts on it. Someone staying with you that you barely know for a week doesn’t seem that long to me? Also, I feel like is it really that big a difference if someone stays with you for 3 days or a week? If bro2 knows her, I’d trust his judgment on that. I understand why people wouldn’t want someone staying an extended period of time, but I feel like this is different than when a roommate moves in a partner that isn’t paying rent. This person can’t visit regularly to stay there long enough for this to be on the same level of concern if they lived closer together, and Bro2 and her could see each other all the time. Bro1 seems like he wants to be accommodating, but I think me and bro2 feel like it would be more of a hindrance to bro2 and his guest to cut the trip short or get a hotel than to let this person into your space for more days. If you’re already accepting the uncomfortability of this person visiting, why does it matter if it’s 3 or 7 days? 

So what do you think? AITAH for siding with bro2? Is bro1 or bro2 an AH?","NTA 

If Bro 2 pays equal parts of the rent he has every right to invite a friend over to stay for a week. 

I understand bro 1 and gf perspective. Tell them to just lock their bedrooms doors for a week whenever leaving the house."
AITAH for Keeping My Ex Blocked After He Spiraled Publicly?,"My ex and I broke up after a relationship where he was extremely emotionally dependent on me. He needed constant reassurance and contact, spiraled if I didn’t respond quickly, and relied on me to calm his panic attacks. He talked early on about quitting his college sport, transferring schools, saving for an engagement ring, and planning to propose within a year. Over time, I felt more like his emotional caretaker than his partner, which is why I ended things.

After the breakup, his behavior became chaotic. One minute he was guilt-tripping me or posting heavy content online, the next he was cold or rude, then suddenly reaching out again and begging to meet up over break. He eventually reframed everything as “right person, wrong time” and said it was fate, but he kept initiating contact even though I had removed him from my social media and was trying to move on.

When I finally told him the only reason I would meet was to get closure and move forward, he didn’t respond for a week. When he did, he was blunt and dismissive, saying he’d moved on, had enough closure, didn’t want to meet, and told me to mail his stuff. I respected that, wished him well, and chose no contact because the mixed signals were affecting my healing.

Immediately after I blocked him, he made his social media public, started liking my little sister’s posts, unfollowed my inactive social media accounts, and posted very emotional content — including a photo from our last date with a caption about “letting go,” reposts like “the horrors persist, but so do I,” and several posts referencing self h@rm, @lcoholism, and grief. This directly contradicted what he had just told me.

I’m not trying to re-engage — I’m just conflicted. I chose no contact to respect his words, but his behavior afterward makes me wonder if that was too harsh. I’m also wondering if I’m just overthinking/imagining all of it and no one’s the a hole.

So… AITAH?","NTA Keep that door firmly closed and if you haven't already, talk to your sister about blocking him too."
AITAH for not making my daughter change the emoji for her Dad's contact that's actually an inside joke about his small appendage?,"I (31F) had a daughter ""Lilly"" (now 7) with my ex ""Cory"" (32M). When Lilly was 4 months old, Cory went to his best friend's bachelor party. He was mad he wasn't the best man which led to him paying for everything all trip (strippers and shots), something we later had one of our biggest fights about. This included paying for himself to have an illicit body painting at the strip club. He stripped down and had an elephant painted on his favorite appendage. He then received the nickname ""little trunk"". We broke up when Lilly was 1 and I made his contact picture an elephant because he really hated the nickname. Lilly asked me about it 2 years ago and I just said it had to do with a nickname for her dad. \*Fun side-note: Fast forward to today, he is actually dating that best friend's now-ex wife and has a kid with her.\* This Christmas, Cory got Lilly an Apple Watch. She started putting emojis next to all the contacts, assigning various cute animals. For her Dad she put ""Dad \*elephant emoji\*. WHAT DO I DO?! It's a reference to his tiny manhood and his new girlfriend (the ex-wife) knows the joke too! I'm worried he thinks I suggested it because I don't think he knows he's been an elephant in my phone for 6 years. AITAH for not making her change it? It still makes me giggle if I'm being honest.

*UPDATE*

Thank you to those who left thoughtful advice. 

To clarify: 1-HIS friends gave him that name. Also, he dropped his pants in front of everyone in the strip club so I don’t think he’s that insecure about his pretty average size (I’m a doctor so I see enough to know) 

2-Compete accident. Had no idea that she still remembered he was an elephant in my phone. I never intended to ‘ruin her innocence’. I didn’t think quick enough on my feet for a reason to change it that wouldn’t lead to questions. 

3- For more context, he was spending so much money on drinking/clubs while I was struggling to pay for medical school applications after unpaid maternity leave. He was constantly cursing me out for struggling to pay half the mortgage on a house that wasn’t mine. When I started medical school when she was 8 months old, I was surrounded by male classmates who respected women and made me realize Corey was gaslighting me into believing I was boring and that partying/strip clubs are normal. I left. I had to move in with my parents. I never collected a dime of child support because I knew court records would be made public and my daughter could one day learn about the neglect incident, drinking, etc. So I kept my head down, let go of so much so he could keep his reputation and worked my ass off. The elephant in my phone was the one little laugh I kept to myself all these years. 

I changed her contact. It’s a harmless animal now but the context is a joke about his manhood that he got at a stripclub… yall are right. Thank you to whoever recommended changing it to the Dad emoji. I changed my emoji too so she will never think anything of it or learn of the story. 

I changed mine too. Things are different. He is a better father. Im not in survival mode anymore. I’m a doctor now and have a boyfriend that is the man I should’ve waited for. I didn’t settle with my career or my partner. I don’t need an elephant emoji to remind me of what I left behind. 

Thank you Reddit for the help. 
",That was super inappropriate.......but also lmao YTA
AITAH? My ex husband asked to see our bio son and I said no.,"My (26F) ex husband (29M) had a son (5) together. It was extremely toxic and I ended up packing up the baby at around 6 months old and leaving while he was at work for fear of physical retaliation. 
I lawyered up, had him served with divorce papers going for 100% custody and allowing him a limited amount of supervised visitation (due to the previous physical abuse and SA against me). He was served, and did not show up to the court date. Due to no response and lack of attendance I was granted a default judgement. 
He was alloted 6 hours of visitation a week. I was as flexible as I could be living across the city and being in full time work and school. He still only used maybe 3-4 hours a YEAR. Spread out over 2-4 visits. 
I ended up remarrying, and we went forward through the courts to sever his rights for abandonment. 
*note: he has also only made 1 partial payment in child support- I only asked for half of the daycare cost at the time, like $350 a month and thats what was granted in the divorce. And also never paid me back for the car he got repossessed, that I had to pay on to avoid getting sued. This was also granted to be paid back in the divorce. 

It took a while to find him and get him served this time, but we ended up getting him served, and once again he never showed up to the hearing. His parental rights were severed, and my current husband adopted him. 
He hasnt had contact since, and its been more than 2 years since the termination of rights, and more than 3 years since hes seen my son. 

Last week he reached out asking to see him ""one last time"" with no other details, just saying a park near him. I have no idea what ""one last time"" entails. 
I let him know that introducing them now, especially for ""one last time"" would be confusing and wouldnt be beneficial to my son. 

Of course its possible he could have completely changed in the last few years, but for fear of physical retaliation, and the best interest of my son i really dont think it was a good idea. Part of me just feels... guilty? 

For reference I am still in contact with his family (mom/grandparents). They video chat my son and also treat my daughter like their grand baby/great grand baby as well. It is only my ex husband i have a problem with, for what he put me through. My son also knows that my husband is his step dad, we have explained it as ""the dad who made you vs the dad who's raising you"" and hes seen pictures, etc. Im open to my son meeting him/seeing him when hes older and can know a bit more about the situation, but at 5 hes just not able to make that decision I feel. 

So- AITAH? ","NTA.

I do not like that ""one last time"" part. I'd be afraid he was going to do something drastic to the child."
AITAH for not wanting to go to my own birthday party/trip?,"My birthday is late December. I’m the youngest of four.

In my family, the rule was always that everyone gets their own birthday trip, and if you want to go on your siblings’ trips, you pay for yourself. Because I wasn’t 21 yet, I wasn’t allowed to go on anyone else’s trips. I was told there was “nothing to do in Vegas if you aren’t 21.”

When it was finally my turn, my birthday trip was planned (hotel and flights have been paid for we just moved the dates) everyone wanted to go. I asked my oldest step sister if she could please not get pregnant until after my birthday so the trip wouldn’t be canceled. She became pregnant anyway, and because of that, my birthday trip was canceled and moved to May.

Since it was already delayed, it also stopped being “my” trip. It slowly turned into a family vacation.

My cousin had just turned 21, so my aunt is coming, which I understand. But now my oldest step sister’s baby is also coming.

What hurts is the double standard. I wasn’t allowed to go on anyone else’s trip because “there’s nothing to do if you aren’t 21.” So why is a baby coming to Vegas? And is everyone just going to take turns watching the baby instead of acknowledging that this was supposed to be my birthday trip?

Even after my actual birthday passed in December, no one made an effort to celebrate me. Not even something small. No brunch. No dinner. Nothing. The excuse was that “no one else gets that,” which feels like bullshit when everyone else got entire trips.

At this point, the trip includes my aunt, my grandparents, my grandparents’ sister and her husband, my siblings, and now a baby. It no longer feels connected to my birthday at all.

This fits a larger pattern. For eight years, I played sports. My family never supported my practices or games — they’ve never even seen me hold a bat. Meanwhile, they show up to everything for my step sisters.

I once broke down on the side of the road, 30 minutes from my dad and two hours from my mom. I called him for help, and he told me to call my step sister instead. I waited for hours.

I don’t want special treatment. I just want the same consideration everyone else got. At what point do you stop hoping your family will finally show up for you?

**Edit / Additional context:** I forgot to add — we were supposed to celebrate my birthday the second week of January after the trip got moved. That got canceled because my grandma and dad said they weren’t feeling well.

The same day we were supposed to be celebrating me, my grandma posted photos with the baby.

She also kicked my other sister out with a months notice (they talked about here living there while the baby does). My other siblings and I are on the same page about all this btw:)I just need some outer perspective:)","NTA. 

If you don’t want to go anymore just say you don’t want to go. Maybe they will remember the reason WHY the trip happened in the first place and try to talk to you about it. And from there you open up calmly about how you feel."
AITAH for getting annoyed with my Husband every time he gets drunk?,My husband acts like an annoying 6th grade school boy when he drinks alcohol like putting his index finger on my lip and rubbing my lip ..gross like did u wash your hands??? or comes up to kiss me with mouth all the way open like a big mouth bass or bringing that cat over to me telling me kiss the cat while I’m trying to cook..messing with me to the point I get so annoyed and we argue .. he is like sorry for showing u affection if i tell him chill out or can you stop it..he gets all wounded and says I’m being a jerk..maybe i am but when your sober and he is acting like a annoying drunk it’s hard not to be.. i dont drink so telling me join in on the fun is not an option ,NTA I was that husband. For all three of my wife’s (two exes). YOU ARE GOING TO get  FED (sorry for the caps) up with that and dump him cuz at one point all the pain and misery of a breakup will be less than the shit he does now. From a fella that knows.
AITAH for telling my husband he shouldn't blame all his problems on his mother?,"Throwaway account because I don't want him to see this.

We have been married for 2 years and something irks me about how he speaks about his mother. I don't remember him ever talking like this before we got married.

His father is a present 'absent father' and was his whole life. His father works for 4 to 7 hours a day then comes home to watch TV and sleep. Doesn't talk to anyone, gets upset if anyone inconveniences him in any way. He literally does nothing at home but watch TV and occasionally throw complaints like 'something smells' or 'this chicken isn't salted good'.

I didn't know how bad he was until I lived with them for a few months because whenever we came to visit, he seemed like a sweet, shy man.

My mother in law is a shell of a person, who only lives for her family. She works 8 hours, raised all the 9 kids herself, and also does all the cooking and cleaning. 

That also means she would have a lot of mental breakdowns when my husband grew up and would yell (or scream, as my husband put it) at them often. Though I've never seen her any much as scold anyone before.

My husband and his siblings always complain about her. And in condescending ways too. At first it felt like normal kids complaining about their mother (I'm definitely guilty for it) but it feels like they blame *everything* on her.

For example, recently my husband mentioned how he has a hard time expressing emotions because his mother yelled at him all the time and so he would shut off his emotions. I mentioned that perhaps it also has to do with his closed off father and nonexistent relationship?

He got frustrated that I even said that and stopped talking about it for a bit. 

Then yesterday, he mentioned that he doesn't know how to cook because his mother didn't teach him. I shrugged and said his father didn't either. He blew up on me and said I keep invalidating his feelings. I tried to explain that I feel like his siblings are stuck in a loop of always blaming their mother because of how they were raised and that not everything is her fault but he wouldn't have it and stormed out. 

AITA for saying this? Should I stop and apologize? I just can't stand watching this mistreatment of her.

Edit: I feel as though I got plenty of replies to this post. I'm going to delete my account but thank you to all who gave me honest feedback. I'm going to apologize to my husband ","It's certainly disturbing that everything wrong is Mom's fault, and not Dad's.

Is it all going to be YOUR fault soon?

Look into books on C-PTSD, because just about every adult who grew up in a dysfunctional family is thus diagnosed. There are ways to work through it, but your husband has to want to do the work.

I'll laugh a bit here and point out some things I learned in college in baby philosophy classes. My prof made the observation that philosophy teaches folks to take responsibility for their life while psychology seeks excuses. It's not entirely true, but there's enough of a truism there that it stuck.

Existentialist Kierkegaard observed that there's a moral imperative to life, ""If you CAN do something, you OUGHT to do something."" If we apply this to your husband, if he can cook, he ought to learn to do so, regardless of his parents. It's an adulting skill. So, cooking along with other life skills should have a moral imperative for your husband to master them however he can manage.

Anyway, off to cook my own meals for the week, as I ought to do ;)"
AITAH for moving away for college when my parents rely on my for child care (long),"I (19F) have two younger siblings 15 and 6. Six y/o we will call B. 15 y/o we will call M.

 Now B was not expected. My parents had already had their kids and most were independent by the time B came around. B is my older brothers daughter that my parents took custody of. Since B was a newborn (me being 13) I have had to set aside my life to help out with her. I really haven't minded. Yes I had to miss out on some big teen events but my parents tried to make sure I still had some what if a life. The first couple years I only had to babysit like a night a week or the weekends, but as I got older, weekends turned to weeks

My senior year ended up being me using all my work releases and free periods to make sure I was home to get her ready for preschool, pick her up from preschool, feed her lunch, and watcher throughout the afternoon, regardless if a parent was home. As a 15-17 year old I even shared a room with her. I pretty much raised her. I had her sleeping in her own bed, I had her eating dinner with the family, I had her using her tablet in moderation, I had ner off YouTube, and when she finally moved to her own room I had her sleeping in her own bed in that room all night with the occasional rocking back to sleep if she got scared.

Right after I graduated (I'm talking two days after) I moved 20 minutes away for a summer semester of college. During the not even two months I was living up there (still home for the weekends) my parents completely demolished my system with her. She no longer slept in her bed or even in her room (now sleeps on their floor), is ALWAYS watching YouTube unless I have her, doesn't eat dinner with us and if she does it's a fight. Doesn't have a consistent bed time. 

I took a gap year from college to continue to help with her. Fixing my schedule around my dad's (he works three on three off and every third week has 9 days off) only working two days a week because that third day my dad was off was for his ""chores"". Through out this year I have tried my hardest to get her back on a schedule and have a routine but they are now CONSTANTLY fighting me on it saying I need to ""stop being the parent"" M has also been trying to help and getting the same talk. At this point she is now in elementary school, and while I don't want everything to be stuck on M. I need to start my own life. There is only a 2.5-3 hour window of her being out of school before my parents get home from work with only an hour of that being her out of school when M is still at school which I think is 100% manageable. 

Considering it's never every day of the school week that a parent is not home I think they can figure out how to get child care for the hour in between and M can manage the couple hours between parents getting off work. 

But I have been getting snarky ""joking""  comments from both parents about how I'm being inconsiderate and rude moving an hour and a half away and not helping. There's a whole other story about how my older siblings could have or can currently help with it but that's another day. I have also been moved for about 3 weeks now but have still been driving the hour and a half to pick B up from school and watch her. 

It's also not just child care they rely on me for but I did most the cleaning (unless my mom is doing it), driving people around, and even my older siblings relied on me to DD or help them with stuff. I just want to get my education and start my life.

How do I deal with the back lash and am I really so bad for trying to get my education. ","Not your monkey not your circus.

Remember you gave that poor kiddo 5 good stable years. You did more than you should have, more than her father did, more than her grandparents did.

She's not yours and sadly no matter what you hope or want, it's going to boil down to what her actual guardians decide.

Don't destroy your life trying to fix others mistakes. It's just going to hurt everytime you go back and see the giant mess your parents have created.

Move out, get your education, build your own life without your parents leaching on you.
You already gave up enough, and at 5 that kid will likely remember how much of a difference you made."
AITAH for pushing back when another trans person said me sharing my deadname is offensive to them?,"So today I shared to some people I don't really know my deadname (if it can even be called that, my name now is my birth name just male now), and made a joke about how in movies my birth name has always been villainized. 

Well someone there then replied that I should not be sharing my deadname and it's dead for a reason and she only sees me for my name now.

I told her that it's my decision how I choose to relate to my name, not hers, and my name is very much alive. I didn't kill my old self and I didn't really kill my name either. It's not up to her to get offended by what I call myself. I've called myself a British cigarette repeatedly in the forum and no one batted an eye, but apparently me sharing an actual name is offensive.

I want kids someday and I will damn sure tell them the truth that I am trans. I am not ashamed of who or what I am. 

But AITA for not considering her in this?","I don't understand how some people think they're entitled to sticking their opinion on others.

NTA and you're good!"
AITAH: He hates me. I have no reason to stay.,"My bf (37m) doesn’t support me, not when it matters, not when it doesn’t matter. For over a year we talked about moving my stuff from my aunt’s house to my house because I have left them there when I had to move out of my place in a hurry and, back then didn’t have money to pay for a moving truck to move them to my parents’. Instead of going home, I moved in with him. Told him about all this and he promised he’ll personally bring them back home when he goes that side of the town. Nice. Now when the time comes for him to go there and do as he promised, he ditched me. The week leading to this he was talking as if everything was sorted and he’s just waiting on doing this trip. Come the day Before the actual day of moving the stuff, he texts me that he won’t be able to do it because his things are not going well. To say I was upset is an understatement. I knew in my guts he was lying, I knew he knew all along that he won’t make the trip and all that talk was just stalling. I talked to him about it and he just said he was sorry, didn’t say anything about making it right and getting right on it. 

Fast forward, a month later, someone in his family dies. Allegedly, this person opened a funeral policy late in their life and couldn’t reach the minimum time required for when they can benefit from it should they die, meaning, the deceased’s beneficiary couldn’t receive the pay out as it hasn’t reached eligibility. What did he do? He paid from his pocket to cover for some stuff. Literally, in the same week the person died, my bf miraculously had money to pay for this and that. This is more money than what was needed to move my things. I asked him where he got the money from coz a month ago he was broke and couldn’t pay to get my things moved which have been at the said place for over a year! He tells me he’s been saving money for “something”. Oh I was livid ! I’m not even mad he’s helping bury a family member, I’m mad he didn’t have the same energy when it came to me and my things. He’s using money he was saving for God knows what, to help with the burial but didn’t save for a year to pay to move my things?? I didn’t know he had money he was saving. He never talks to me about things related to his money, so basically he hides his money, savings, and spending from me. This is the same guy who claims he’s going to marry me. 

I do everything for him when I’m staying over at his place. Cook. Clean. Laundry. Clean up after him. Pick up his socks and clothes which he throws every where but the laundry basket. Eats, drinks, stands up and leaves the dishes right where he was eating and then walks past the kitchen sink. Even when I’m sick and tired. I still show up. But he couldn’t do this one thing for me. He never shows up for me. He shows up for everyone but me, and yet, I’m the one who’s ALWAYS there for him coz no one ever is. They just use him, talk sh*t about him and leave. Never have, in 2 years of us being and mostly staying together. No flowers from him. 2 birthdays and he’s never wished me a happy birthday. Told him to put it in his calendar since birthdays are a big deal to me. He said he would. He skipped it again last year, when I told him the next day ( I spent my birthday at home last year, thank God because I would have cried but I was celebrated by my lovely family) he just said “sorry, I forgot.” Did he make it up to me? Lol, you guessed it. He didn’t. Mom asked if he got me anything, and I said NO, she was very disappointed. She even told me herself than no man who wants to marry you will do anything to NOT prove themselves, especially during the dating stage. She told me of all the things dad used to do for her when he was courting her. My sisters shared their stories with me as well, I went in my room and cried in shame. 

He didn’t wish me a Valentines Day last year, let alone buy me a lollipop. He’s never taken me out on a date. Even when I’m back at my parents and we don’t get to see each other for weeks, the day he comes, he’ll come empty handed. When I asked him if he ever sees anything when he’s out that reminds him of me, he says he doesn’t know what I like. Told him this was a lie because I always talk to him about my interests. Also, he’s a man, he should be creative. Not even a box of chocolates or pack of snacks has he ever gotten me, at least. He never asks if I need anything. Even when I tell him things I need, he either forgets or just don’t get them at all. Honestly, I don’t feel loved nor appreciated. I’m only appreciated for what I can do. I’m currently unemployed and have been searching for jobs like crazy. Since I started again this year, he’s never asked if there’s anything he could do for me to help. Basically, if I don’t ask, he assumes I’m okay. So today, I ran out of cellular data which I’ve been paying for from the pocket money my parents sent me. I’ve ran out of money and data. Told him to buy me data coz I can’t afford to not be busy. I need to stay on things as soon as I wake up, every day. He tells me he can’t coz we need the money to buy things that *benefit* him, as always. Told him I don’t care, I need him to buy this data for me coz I need it, I need a job, I need to work. Asked him when has he ever gotten me anything whether I asked or not? He asked am I keeping count? I said “yes, since you do it a lot, it has now become a habit, I’m keeping count”, he didn’t answer. Didn’t seem fazed at all by all this. Now I’m sitting by myself in the bedroom, very heartbroken and questioning my decisions. Everything in me says I should leave. I’m not gaining anything in this relationship but hard labor and will lose nothing by leaving.

Let me add something which also motivates me to leave: there’s uncapped fibre at my parents’. There’s nice food. My parents give me money when I ask, when they say they don’t have it, I believe them because I help pay their accounts so they don’t just say “I don’t have it” to be spiteful. I’m a woman in her early 30s, but they still pay for my hair, and buy me clothes because I’m unemployed. My parents are not poor. We are not poor. I have no reason to suffer when I can just go home and live lavish. My parents don’t even know the extreme of things here, oh they would be very very very disappointed at me. But this guy treats me like I’m an orphan who’s homeless and helpless. I don’t expect him to take me on a shopping spree, but I do expect him to buy me stuff to show that at least he thinks of me, appreciates me. If he can’t provide for me now while we’re dating, is he gonna be able to provide when we’re married, with kids, if I’m still unemployed then? Especially for things that matter, things that helps me grow as a person, like getting a job instead of being home slaving away? 

AITA for leaving him after I’ve talked to him multiple times about putting me first for once? 
","Leaving is the right thing to do..this is a clear pattern of neglect and imbalance.. you give a lot he gives very little, and your need’s aren’t met. Walking away from that isn’t selfish, it’s self-respect"
AITAH for blocking my sister?,"I’m honestly really confused about the situation. For context, me and my sister have always had a very turbulent relationship. It’s felt more like a friendship than a normal sister relationship, especially during my super early teenage years. She’s called me ugly before and I’ve said things back, but the difference is when she says something to me it’s “fine,” and when I say something back she gets extremely angry and holds onto it and calls me an awful sister for not respecting her since she’s older. 

Last year, something really bad happened to her. Prior to this even occurring, I had begged her not to do what she was planning and asked her to please listen to me, but she chose to listen to her friends instead. When things went wrong, I did still check on her, asked if she was okay, and even drove her over 150 miles to the doctors, clinics and police. I genuinely thought that was the best way I could help, especially since I live in a different city seven hours away for university. But apparently that wasn’t enough, and now whenever anything goes wrong, she throws it back in my face and says I was a horrible sister and didn’t support her.

Since starting university, she says I’ve changed a lot. In a way, obviously I will change because I’m growing as a person and learning new things, but she just wants me to continue encouraging her wrongdoings and not help her take accountability when she fucks up.

She constantly says I’m isolated, extremely negative, and a bad person just because I don’t agree with or encourage certain choices she makes. She’s my older sister, which makes it even more frustrating, because I’m expected to give her “adult” advice, but when she ignores it and things go wrong, she expects me to pretend everything is fine and never say anything.

Recently, her boyfriend has shown a lot of red flags. He was on Tinder and liking naked photos of other girls. Both me and a family friend told her this wasn’t normal and that it was concerning. Five minutes later, she called me screaming, asking why I hate her boyfriend, why I’m so negative, why I hate her, and why I always want the worst for her. I told her that if she doesn’t want to listen to advice, that’s her choice and not my responsibility and I truly don’t care since I’m so stressed with other things.

Later, she sent me a long message calling me a horrible sister, a negative person, selfish, a show-off, and saying I don’t care about her. She said I’m not a good person and that I always say hurtful things to her, even though she says hurtful things to me all the time and I respond the same way, thinking it’s just banter. When I explained that I’m only trying to look out for her and that encouraging a bad relationship would actually make me a bad sister, she told me she doesn’t want me as a sister, never wants to see me again, told me not to come home, and even said she hopes I die.

After that, I blocked her. I told her to grow up and then stopped engaging with her. AITAH for setting that boundary and not being there for her anymore? I asked the same family friend, and she told me to communicate, but imo it’s so hard when your sister is the type of individual with a victim mentality, hence making her think she’s right 24/7 and everyone is looking out for the worse for her. ","Listen to me. Setting boundaries is essential, especially when someone’s toxicity drags you down. You’ve shown support, but your sister needs to take accountability for her choices. This isn’t about throwing blame; it’s about protecting yourself from endless drama and emotional manipulation. Her shouting doesn't make her right; she has to learn that actions have consequences. Take some time apart, let her reflect on this behavior and the damage caused, then reassess if a relationship is worth salvaging or not. Stay strong."
"my parents forced me to go to my university graduation that i loathed, dreaded, and did not want to attend. i did, but i was not happy, did not smile, and was resentful. they gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the day. AITAH?","this story is a year old but i am still not over it and might never be.   
to make it very short i finished university last december. i am not proud of it, i did not want it, i did not want to go to that school, i made no memories at that school, no friends, no boyfriends/flings, not even a normal major (i dropped my original one bc i hated it and made no progress in it), i couldn't even graduate in the spring like everyone else and had to do it in the fucking winter. 

i made it clear that i did not want to walk because i did not know anyone there and had no friends to celebrate with, and the only friend i invited to my graduation brunch dipped because his kids got sick.  
my parents kept pressuring me to go, trying to hype me up, etc. i have never been so miserable as the month before and after finishing college. i self harmed, punched walls, road-raged, and attempted to choke myself several times. that shit hurt more than a heartbreak, more than betrayal. graduations are still a primary trigger to me.   
so anyways the day comes, and i just suck it up and go. when we get to the restaraunt for brunch, my parents ignore me and only give me one word dry responses if i ever said anything. when they took my photos, they kept asking me to ""smile"" when i wanted to die on the inside, and got mad at me for ""not being able to be happy on a big day and do it at least for them because they paid for my school (that i never wanted to go to in the first place)  
atath, aitah, or esh?","legit feelin ur pain rn. I mean, uni ain't always the dream it's all talked up 2b, especially when you're forced into it. Tbh, everyone's path is their own, man. Nobody should be guilt tripped into celebrating something they ain't proud of just coz the 'rents forked out the cash. Stay strong & remember, it's ur life! Imo, definitely NTA."
AITAH for cleaning up a biohazard my roommate said wasn’t her responsibility?,"I (23F, college student at the time) lived with my roommate in a 2BHK apartment during my third year of college. We had separate bedrooms and shared the living room and kitchen.

Everything was fine until our apartment started smelling… questionable.

At first, I assumed it was the drain, trash, or something in the kitchen. I cleaned, took the garbage out, and checked everywhere. The smell kept getting worse especially around the dining table in the living room.

There was a box sitting there that I hadn’t really paid attention to. When I asked my roommate what it was, she paused and said, “Ohhh.”

She then explained that while I had gone home for a weekend, her boyfriend visited and brought chicken kebabs for me. Since I wasn’t home, she left the box on the dining table so I could eat it later.

Important detail: I had been back for weeks.

When I asked why it hadn’t been thrown out, she said she forgot to tell me about it, and also that she doesn’t touch non-veg because she’s vegetarian. So in her mind, the box just… stayed there. On the dining table. In our shared living space.

At this point, I peered inside the box.

Inside was fully rotting meat with maggots.

I immediately threw it out and deep-cleaned the area because I enjoy living in a home that does not double as a biohazard.

Later, my roommate was upset with me for being “dramatic” and said I should have handled it earlier since the food was technically meant for me.

So, AITA for throwing out weeks-old rotting food that was breeding maggots in our living room?",Next time throw it in her room. 
AITAH for not maintaining contact with my father and changing my surname?,"I (20f) have never had a good relationship with my father. For context, I’m openly queer, atheist and have quite liberal opinions. My dad is homophobic, catholic and intensely conservative with his views.

My mother remarried when I was 9 and recently I decided to socially (not legally) change my surname to match my mother & stepfather’s. He’s been more prominent in my life and has actually been the father I never had.

My dad found out that I changed my name (through my social media profiles which he stalks) and absolutely flipped out at me. We haven’t spoken in almost 4 years, and our last conversation ended in a heated argument. He says I’m his child and my stepfather had no role in my creation so therefore my stepfather doesn’t deserve the recognition the surname gives him.

I have one younger full sibling and two older half siblings through my dad. All of them have been totally accepting of my choice, though my older brother was upset that we are no longer “seen as family.” It makes me feel guilty for not wanting to be associated with my father. I know that this is what I want to do, but it also makes me wish I wasn’t put into a life where I felt the need to distance myself from my father.

AITAH?

Edit, since people are asking- I’m yet to change my name legally just due to the cost of updating all my documents, and the time it’ll take to change any other services I’m part of (GP, banks, work, DBS etc). I only changed my name socially (on social media) so I could test it out to be 100% certain that it’s something I wanted to do before spending the money & the time going through with it. I’m aiming to hopefully do it over summer when I have more free time.",NTAH. Choosing a name that reflects the people who actually made you feel safe and supported is about identity and belonging IMHO.
AITAH for resenting my fiancé for asking me to take down my risqué photos off the internet?,"I, F(35) am engaged to my fiancé M(36). In my 20’s and early thirties I did some light modeling and had a lot of the model pics on my Instagram when we met. I used to own a photo studio so I would take a lot of selfies and do photo shoots with people in the creative community. Mostly harmless photos but a few photos were implied nudity. 

A few months into us dating, he mentioned he didn’t want risqué photos of me out on the internet for his family to see. Fair. I think that is a reasonable request. I agreed to make my Instagram more “family friendly” which is something I had already planned to do at some point anyhow. Plus I also had no desire to do anymore photoshoots and was going to rebrand that page before I met him. 

Months later I randomly got tagged in a photo from a photoshoot I did way before i met him. This caused him to spiral and got super mad. He asked me to delete that Instagram page and I told him I don’t want to do that because this is my first ever Instagram account has a ton of memories on it that I don’t want to lose. He took this as me picking social media over him. I told him I would lock down the account a lot more than I had and if something like this happens again, I would consider deleting it. 

We get engaged months later and everything is great. Fast forward a few months after the engagement - he brings up the Instagram again after not talking about it for months because I hardly used that Instagram account and have another personal account I had been using. He said he saw another photo of me out there with this page tagged in the caption. My friend owned a swimsuit brand and I had modeled for them on this page. This turned into a huge fight. He felt like I betrayed him by not deleting the Instagram so he doesn’t have to see these photos. 

In this heated argument, he demanded to see my phone to delete all model photos I have on my camera roll which is not something I thought was fair at all. I had already deleted pics that were more risqué but I kept some Models photos I thought were pretty photos but were appropriate but he wanted all of them gone. Permanently deleted. 

While he was looking through my photos he was calling me slutty, telling me that I must have not respected myself at all and I should be very ashamed of myself. I have a ton of photos on my phone so it took him 5 hours to go through everything and the whole time he was saying mean stuff to me. 

He felt better after doing that and I told him I would delete the Instagram since I did the export of all the files. We also talked about it after the fact and he apologized (sort of) for saying mean things and said he was just so mad in the moment. He said “of course everyone has their past”- he just thinks I should have deleted the Instagram from the start and I didn’t care enough about him to do so. 

But a part of me resents him for his requests. 

Am I the asshole? ",">While he was looking through my photos he was calling me slutty, telling me that I must have not respected myself at all and I should be very ashamed of myself. 

Please don't marry this man."
AITAH for wanting my GF to manage her time better and pull her weight?,"She is 33, works part time and still has not completed her Bachelors. She also does not help much in the household. Because most of her free time is occupied with talking to and visiting her parents and siblings.

She spends roughly 30-40 hours/month on the phone talking to them an then another 50-60 hours visting them. Thats 80-100 hours a month.

So basicially 2 full time weeks are spent visiting and talking to parents/siblings and another 2 full time weeks are spent working. Leaving just some 20-30 hours a month for learning/the household.

I told her to reduce the amount she talks/spends time with her family to perhaps 50-60 hours/month. Thats still plenty and she would gain some 20-30 hours for the household+her Bachelors. But shes dismissive and claims that she doesnt talk/spend so much time with them and that Im exaggerating.

I just want her to finally complete her Bachelors so that she has at least some chance in this horrible Job market. And I also want her to do more in the household, because right now I do around 80%.

AITAH?","NTA for wanting a fair split chores and supporting her education, but telling her exactly how much time she should spend with her family comes off controlling. Focus on teamwork, not numbers."
AITAH if I go no-contact with in-laws?,"Over the weekend, I snapped about my in-laws overstepping our boundaries with our one-year-old. I am a quiet person and barely raised my voice. I brought up a couple of issues, but my FIL immediately begin yelling, asking, “that’s it?!”, disagreeing with my feelings, pointing at me, and saying I have a “shitty attitude” and that I’m bitchy. He also said my parents are “no good pieces of shit,” referring to my disagreements with them when I was a teenager (10 years ago). All of this was in front of my one-year-old. Meanwhile, my MIL rolled her eyes every time I spoke.

I’m in the process of setting up a therapy appointment for me and my husband. We haven’t heard from my in-laws but are thinking about next steps. I think we could have worked out the boundary issues, but the yelling and cussing in front of my child is too far. He let his true colors show and we have no desire to let him spend time with his granddaughter.

AITAH if I go no-contact? We’re on the same page and think that may be the best choice but would love some insight.

The history is long, but we’ve been drifting apart over the past couple of years and no longer value this relationship. There are some major issues with boundaries and selfishness.","Just completely cut them off. If they can't be nice, they don't get to see their grandkid. 

And where the hell is your partner in all of this!?"
AITAH if i refuse to change my graduation photo outfit despite my friend refusing to take photos with me?,"1. we are going to take graduation photos with our friend group

2. theres no set dress code but most girls our year (including my friend) are wearing black dresses. i am wearing sparkly dressy black top and dress pants. i like my outfit and have no desire to wear skirts/dresses

3. i post a picture of my outfit to my friend

4. she says she doesnt like my outfit, it makes me look aged etc. she asks me to change my outfit

5. i say ""you dont have to like it, i like it, i want to wear it?""

6. she then straight up says ""then go find yourself another friend group that likes that outfit and take photos with them.""

7. what the fuck??? i say ""its not like i force you to wear this outfit"" 

8. she then talks about everyone will laugh at me because of my outfit since its different, then will laugh at \*her\* because she is standing alongside with me and how she will won't let anyone laugh at her. 

9. then she talks about how she won't feel beautiful taking pictures alongside with me because she doesnt like my outfit (yes, the outfit that is on my own body)

10. concludes that unless i am changing my outfit she is %90 not taking photos with me

11. despite everything i am still not changing my outfit. shes mad at me but i think shes just thinking too much about what others might think. 

she thinks i am not thinking enough of what others might think. 

i dont want to hurt her but i am not changing my outfit lol. 

aita? ","No. But your ""friend"" is."
WIBTAH if I donated or threw out my ex boyfriend’s clothes?,"EDIT: I spoke to a police officer this afternoon and will be following his advice. Thank you all for letting me know I could be hit with a theft charge. It was the unknown push I needed lmao

I (20F) recently broke up with my boyfriend (22M) because he sexually assaulted me. Since then, he’s been texting and calling non-stop. It’s to the point where my doors are locked 24/7 and my aunt has traveled to stay with me until my parents come home. I really, really don’t want to see him or have contact with him again.

I’m currently doing laundry, and have realized that he left a few pieces of clothing here (such as socks, underwear, a few undershirts). I was going to donate some of my clothes soon anyway as they no longer fit and are in good condition. Would I be the asshole if I donated his clothes that are in good condition as well, and threw out the rest?","Retired cop, with 23 yr old daughter.  First thing you should do is pack all the clothes in a hefty bag and set them outside.  Next is to text him a message to come and get them.  In that message also tell him to no longer try to contact you.  No coming by your house or work.  No text messages, emails, phone calls, social media.  Tell him in that message if he chooses to ignore your request, and continues to try to contact you, you will report him to the police for harassment.   If he starts calling or messaging you, DO NOT RESPOND BACK!!!   When you do this, it will be considered a mutual conversation and not harassment.  If he calls 20 times, log the calls as evidence.  If he texts you 30 times, keep the texts as evidence.  If he starts knocking on the door, wanting to talk to you, dial 911 for the police.  Don't tell him you are calling the cops.  Let the patrol officers do their job, and if they arrive while he is there, they can criminally trespass him."
AITAH for ripping out my dads beard?,"DISCLAIMER: I put TW Abuse just in case, but I genuinely don’t know if this counts as abusive. I wasn’t outright attacked, and the marks left on my arms faded in less than a hour, but there was still quite some aggression involved. From both parties. A mandated reported herself stated that she had no idea how this would be classified by the DCS. Abusive-ish gray area, read at your own discretion.

I (16F) and my father (52M) have an extremely strained relationship, due to both our temperaments. I get argumentative quickly, but stay calm & articulate myself clearly as best as I can. My dad isnt very combative, but has an EXTREME temper - gets angry very easily, loses his ability to articulate himself or calm himself down. He very clearly loves my and my brothers with his whole heart and soul, but sometimes that love takes a backseat to his “primitive brain“ (a term used by my therapist). Neither of us are very good at admitting when we’re wrong, hence me making an account to consult Reddit. We argue a LOT, both of us at fault in our own ways, and always about something fucking stupid. This time was different - still stupid, but it escalated way further than it ever should have, which my whole family agrees on.

One night during school break, I was trying to record my voice for a project (i was doing it for fun, but I was still turning it in to a teacher for my semester grade, so I considered it pretty important). My brother (11M) was yelling at his online friends, and his voice kept appearing in my recordings, so I went into his room to ask him to keep it down. He refused, I insisted, we grappled back and forth for a bit. I got angry and (here’s my mistake) went to unplug his keyboard & mouse. I told him I’d give it back to him if he kept it down for max five minutes while I recorded. He was infuriated and yelled for our dad. Here we fucking go.

My dad comes into the room guns ablazing, yelling up in my face about getting out of my brothers room (there’s his attitude). I keep my face calm and voice level, and I tell him that I have a valid reason to be in here, and I’d like to have a civil conversation about it instead of a screaming match (aaaaand there’s mine). We go back and forth until he’s literal inches from my face. His volume has only increased, I can FEEL his spit on my face, and my brother is off to the side scared shitless at the situation (later he said he blamed himself for calling our dad in the first place, but Im not particularly mad at him).

He asks me (loudly) one more time to get the hell out of my brothers room. Once again, I say “I’d like to have a civil conversation about this”.

He responds by grabbing me by the arm and dragging me away.

Now here’s where I panic. He doesn’t have a history of abuse, but he sure as hell has a history of anger issues, and - respectfully - I know he was treated pretty shit growing up as well. I had no idea where this was going; in the moment my only thought was “oh my fucking god he’s gonna do it. He’s gonna stop holding back and he’s not thinking straight and he’s gonna smack the shit out of me and hell maybe my brother too“

When he’s done dragging me, and we’re in the hallway, he adjusts his grip (man is like 6’3 and works on cars for a living, I’m struggling but I can’t move at ALL) on my arms and starts shoving me backwards down the long hallway to my room. This is where I absolutely panic and start kicking at him, yelling at him to let me go, trying to lurch my body out of his arms and off to the side, but nothings working.

So I reach up to his long beard as fast as I can, and start yanking down as hard as possible. And I keep going, fistful after fistful after fistful, still kicking and yelling and throwing my weight around, and he isn’t even fucking BLINKING. He’s had the same look of distant rage on his face the whole time and I’m starting to think he’s too angry or too hyped up on adrenaline or whatever to even register that his facial hair is now in my hands in chunks. But I keep going, because at this point it’s the only thing I can think of to get him off of me.

By the time he gets me into my room about a third of his beard is either in my hands, in the hallway, or tangled in its own remains. He shoves me inside, and (thank Jesus almighty for this) turns around and storms out. I have about ten seconds to lock the door and catch my breath before he’s back AGAIN (what the HELL), demanding to be let in and shaking the handle so hard it is still broken to this day. I open the door and he’s staring down at me, tears in his eyes, holding his OWN fistful of white hair. He yells “Did you do this?!!” (as if anyone else could have??) and we go BACK to arguing, although nothing physical, until my mom wakes up and - after yelling at me for cussing and listening to my dad retell how he “guided me down the hallway” - sends us all to bed.

Now here’s where I’m looking for Reddit’s informal opinions. My family has long expressed their views on how I should stop being so confrontational and escalating situations, how I should stop provoking my father because I’m “an intelligent girl“ and I “know whats going to happen if I say no to him.” A couple days after the incident, and today during therapy, my mom expressed her opinion: I should never have allowed that situation to happen in the first place, because it was my disrespect and my refusal to leave the room that caused the problem. Expecting my father to have a civil conversation was ridiculous of me when I “know how he gets.” Additionally, she says that because of my disobedience my father had every right to “move me“ out of my brothers room, and my “fighting and kicking and ripping out hair” was unbelievable behavior that I should wholeheartedly regret.

Personally, I wouldn’t have done anything differently in that situation. As trivial as it was, I needed my brother to be quiet, and I genuinely thought that if I maintained my calm and asked to talk then there was a chance my dad would at LEAST take an exasperated breath and ask me what the hell my reason was (at which point he would be done yelling and we’d have a shot at resolving the issue like normal fucking people). I hate the idea of learning to bite my tongue just because my father refuses to get ahold of himself (grown ass man with 3 kids and a mortgage, has had AMPLE opportunity to learn emotional regulation and still HAS that opportunity today). I understand that hes been through a lot, he‘s told me about some of it himself, and I get that it’s done terrible things to his mental health, but the way I see it I as a teenage girl shouldn’t have to assume the position of calm, rational de-escalator while he spits in my face and hauls me around by the arms for telling him no. As for the beard pulling, I don’t want to hurt him, but if he ever lays hands on my again I’m plucking him like a chicken in a fucking heartbeat. I’m not teaching him that I’m willing to to put up with his shit just because he lacks coping mechanisms that he refuses to learn.

When my therapist heard both sides of the story, she emphasized that I deserve to feel safe but also reminded me that my actions led to his reactions, however justified. I’m open to apologizing and correcting my behavior if I really did do something wrong at first, but I want to weigh my accountability very carefully against his, since I don’t want him to take my improvement as submission or resignation to his bullshit. So what to you guys think? Am I the asshole?","This wasn’t about a beard, it was about safety. You were restrained, panicked, and trying to get out. That’s not you being “disrespectful,” that’s survival mode. Your dad needs help with his anger, and it’s not your job to sacrifice your sense of safety to protect his feelings."
AITAH - For not wanting to go to my brothers wedding,"Hey all,

As the title alludes too we are having a few issues regarding my brother’s wedding so I thought I’d ask here if AITAH or him. It’s quite a long story so I’ll try and lay out all the facts as best I can. My brother has been engaged for quite a while so this story is over a few years.

About 18 months ago we got a save the weekend as my brother and his fiancée want a 3-day wedding which will happen later this year. They kept the details of the wedding pretty close to their chest although they did mention there could be a cost to going but they didn’t mention any prices or anything.

About 6 months ago we got the official invitation which laid out the typical things but also the cost of the room and the itinerary. They want £250 for the room which covers the stay for me and my missus, the evening meal the day before the wedding and breakfast the day after.

Since receiving the save the date and the invitation, we’ve had some significant financial challenges, as I was made redundant, it took me around 4 months to find a new job, it’s ultimately led me to be on a debt management plan to cover the outstanding credit card and loans we had which totalled around £40k ish. Thankfully we are in a stable situation with the DMP and will be out of debt within a few years.  The issues lie in that neither me or my missus want to spend more money on a wedding which we really can’t afford as it’s not just the cost of the room.

For us to stay away we’ll need someone to look after the animals as we have a good few pets, this is looking to cost us around £300 from initial costs for all 3 days. In addition to that, my brother is mandating that I go on the stag do as I’m part of the immediate family and of course he wants to go abroad to Spain, which is another £700 for the full package. Finally, he wants all the males going to the day to get specially fitted suits which I’m expected to pay for, and while I likely needed a new suit, it probably wasn’t going to be hugely expensive.

The last one was the straw which broke the camels back for me, and I asked him if we could only come for the wedding day and not the whole 3 days and not go to the stag do. It would significantly reduce the cost and allow us to come, and while we are not particularly close as brothers, I would like to be there for his big day. He flatly refused and said I either go for the full 3 days or not at all. Well at that ultimatum I said we wasn’t coming.

This has led to so much stress and arguments with my family and between me and my missus. My Mum has been the main instigator in trying to push me to go, who want’s all her boys at the wedding as she thinks it will be the last family wedding we have, she’s even suggested that I go on my own and leave my missus at home to go on my own which really annoyed me. From my brother I only get, ""well why didn't you start saving when you got the save the date?"" and ""you could have put £10 away each month"", I have tried to tell him that in the DMP I only get allowances for approved spending and while I haven't asked them, spending thousands on a wedding isn't likely to be put as essential spending.

We do expect to have some money coming in soon as we have a litter of puppies which we plan to sell and I will have my bonus coming in later in the year, although we plan on using that to reduce our debt down and make some urgent repairs to our house, and while we could potentially use some of it for the wedding, we both feel that getting ourselves out of debt quicker would be wisest and financially responsible thing to do.  

My family knows our financial situation, it’s been no secret and while they don’t know the exact amount we owe, they have an idea of the scale of it. I’m getting a lot of pressure from my mum to spend all this money and just suck it up as it’s my brother’s wedding.  I’m just not wanting to spend probably the best part of £1500 on a wedding.

In addition to the above, my Mum has asked my brother if she paid for the room, could we go for the day, and apparently, he has agreed, although I haven’t spoken to him to confirm this as of yet. While my Mum said she would cover it, this would be held over my head forever.

So AITAH in all this?

\-Using a throwaway account, but will log in and check for updates.","NTH

Ask him to cover your full costs on a interest fee loan payable in 50 years and if he says no, then it’s not about having you there , it’s that he’s being a grade A   - - - -"
UPDATE - AITAH for showing my coworker what 'just being honest' can be like?,"Well I had my meeting with HR and it went relatively okay, first of all I went on detective mode and I found out one of the HR guys (Dylan) was related to Jake, they're mom's are cousins so they don't have the same last name or anything but I found Jake's mom's Facebook and then a picture with Jake's mom, Dylan and his mom. I screenshoted it and I talked to my supervisor and he decided to come with me to the meeting.

In the meeting there was Dylan, his boss, jake, my supervisor and me, Dylan tried to lead the meeting and suggested immediate termination but my supervisor told him we will have our meeting with the other guy because I deserved a neutral meeting and showed both of them the picture, Dylan face dropped but he didn't said anything else after that and just leave the room. The other HR guy talk to me and my supervisor and I gave him my story and gave him like 12 notes sign by my coworkers where they talked about their experiences with Jake.

The HR guy called a couple of them including my pregnant coworker in his office too after dismissing me and on Friday I had another meeting but it was only me and the HR guy, I talked about how uncomfortable I felt and how everyone tried to do the right thing by reporting him but they never did anything, he said he understood and sadly Dylan was not impartial in his actions by covering for Jake but that it was dealt with. He said I wasn't going to get written up or anything and that I'm in the clear but he asked me to not repeat this and I told him I wasn't planning on doing it again and he just told me to go to him if something else happens.

Yesterday I got to the office and everything was normal but at noon my supervisor came to find me and my pregnant coworker and told us that Jake and Dylan were let go and Dylan might have some legal troubles with the company but he couldn't discuss that and asked us to not say anything about it to anyone else and that people would realized about Jake anyway. 

I also have a second interview in another company next week, I'm hopeful but also nervous because I had interviews before but it didn't go anywhere at the end. And that's all, it was more dramatic than I expected, I thought they'd fired me and keep Jake or something but I feel finding out Dylan was covering for Jake because their family relationship helped me tremendously. Thank you for the advice it was really useful ","I remember your first post and am glad to see this update. 

I'm guessing that Dylan's employment in the HR department is how Jake has managed to get away with this stuff up until this point since clearly no one knew about the connection until you pointed it out - that syncs up with what you said in your first post about Jake only getting a ""slap on the wrist"" before. 

My additional guess re: Dylan is that the ""legal troubles"" could very well have something to do with proof that he's covered up for Jake in the past, including perhaps some instances that could've opened the company up to a lawsuit for either something Jake said or wrongful termination of an employee who reported it. 

Good for you for doing a little digging and finding what you did, then bringing it with you as proof and leverage. Glad Dylan and Jake had the day they deserved."
AITAH for not going to my sisters baby shower because I didn’t even know she was pregnant until I was told to bring gifts?,"So I honestly didn’t know my sister was pregnant. I found out when my mom texted me about the baby shower and asked what gift I was bringing. I thought she was joking at first.

Turns out my sister has been pregnant for months and pretty much everyone knew except me. She never told me, and it was never mentioned to me directly at all.

When I asked her about it she said she just assumed I already knew and didn’t think it was that serious to tell me. But somehow I was still expected to show up and buy gifts.

That kinda hurt. It made me feel like I only mattered when it came to buying stuff, not actually being included. So I decided not to go to the baby shower.

After that, my sister and mom started saying I was making things awkward, that I should’ve just come and supported her, and that I was blowing the situation out of proportion.

I don’t know. Maybe I overreacted but it just didn’t sit right with me. Please you guys be brutally honest with me, because I think I might have done wrong.","NTA

She didn't think it was serious enough to tell you herself that she's having a kid, so she shouldn't think it's serious that you don't come to the shower."
AITAH For not replying back? I feel so guilty,"So, this guy and I have known each other for 8 months (Long Distance online). We were in a dynamic (bdsm) sorta with no serious relationship commitment. Until he said recently how hes tired of being lonely and want a relationship.. But he wants different things like for example.. I wanna be married- he doesn’t want marriage.. He wants in person relationship, but im miles and miles away, so I told him I want him happy, and to not let me hold him back, told him unfortunately the things we want aren’t compatible and said we can still talk & be friends…. (so I thought) I sent that and he vanished for 3 days not replying (which is not like him, he would always check up, and even let me know if hes gonna be busy) and was active on social media, posting and going live.. then he finally replied days after, and COMPLETELY ignored the paragraph of me saying what I said, never replied to it and just replied to other stuff I said previously and it just felt… off. I havent replied and hes now asking where am i, am I okay, that hes worried and recently change my pfp pic and hes mad about that because he sees im ignoring him.. i feel so guilty but i feel disrespected by him ignoring.. i dont know, im so torn 😢","NTA. u were right to decide not to reply anymore. do not feel guilty, because his ignoring u is already proof that he did not think about u or respect u. He also invalidated what u said and feel. do not waste urself on this, u can still find someone who can truly meet u halfway and who shares the same wants and goals in life"
AITAH for protecting my paternal grandmother's jewelry from my maternal cousin?,"I (28 years old F) have a cousin (25years old M) named Eric. 
 
Eric and i used to be close as relatives but in time,we lost every contact. Years pass by and Eric found my mother's phone number. My mother was thrilled to hear news from Eric,from his grandmother and from his mother. 
My mother it's the elder sister of Eric's mother which makes him my 1st degree cousin. 
After a while,Eric,his mother Nina and his grandmother Julia paid us a visit together with Eric's lover named Miranda(18 years old F).

Everything goes well until i received a message from my workplace that a meeting occured and that i need to be there asap, in that moment i had no choice but to let my parents to know that i have to go to a meeting at my workplace so i went to my room and start to get ready. While i was doing my makeup at the bathroom,i realised that i needed a hairclip from my room,when i went there i caught Miranda snooping through my heirloom jewelry that i received from my paternal grandmother that passed away years ago. 
I asked her what she was doing in my jewelry box and she said that my mother let her have a look in my stuff and take whatever she wants.
I was so pissed at this point. I stormed towards her,grab the pieces from her,put them back into the box and kick her out of my room telling her that i will call the police.
Miranda ran crying to Eric,Nina,Julia and to my mother telling them that i will call the police on her.
My mother start yelling at me telling me that the jewelry that i have it's kept in my jewelry box in vain and that i should share them with the family .
I said that those jewelry pieces are my jewelry pieces from my grandmother's from my father side and that Eric and his family have no right. 
They left my house giving me bad eyes and my mother doesn't speak to me . AITAH? 
","Well you can now remove Eric from your life for the long foreseeable future. NTA

ETA: Hide that box. Your mom already tried to give them to Miranda once...she will try to get it herself again. This one is going to come back"
AITAH for telling my husband it's his fault that I can't sleep?,"I (30f) have chronic insomnia, diagnosed at 19. I have trouble sleeping even if I use prescribed medication or OTC stuff like melatonin. I am also a very light sleeper, so if I wake up in the middle of the night, I won't be able to fall back asleep for awhile. the average amount of sleep I get is between 4 to 6 hours. and I recently got put on a new antidepressant that also makes it harder for me to sleep because of the side effect of increased anxiety.

for years, I have worked on creating and following a bedtime ritual (with the help of my therapist). I make sure I'm in bed by 8-8:30pm, take my sleep aid, and get comfortable, read a book or mindlessly scroll on Instagram. I'll usually start to get sleepy around 10, which is great because my alarm for work is set for 7am. part of this ritual occasionally includes my husband (30m) in a way. his snoring always helps me relax, so if he falls asleep before I do, it's kind of a guarantee that I'll actually fall asleep. 

however. my husband is now waking me up more than he puts me to sleep. for the past 2 years, he has been working well into the night. as I'm typing this, it's 1am and he's in the next room over, still working, with no guarantee of him being done soon (he works fully remote). he gets stressed out over work easily due to having terrible managers in the past, so he feels the need to get a lot of work done or else it'll make him look bad. he is a software engineer and I understand that it can be a stressful job, especially in a well known company. I also know there are ridiculous expectations for SWEs to be working all the time, so I can't exactly blame him for feeling that way.

there have been too many nights now, where I have fallen asleep alone, only to wake up between 12am to 3am, because I hear him shuffling around or feel him climbing into bed. he is doing his best to keep quiet, but like I said, I am a very light sleeper. him getting to bed late wakes me up and I don't end up falling back asleep until several hours later. a lot of times, that's until it's an hour or 2 before my work alarm goes off.

lately I've been just staying up until he comes to bed. I can't say it isn't stirring up some resentment, but I'd rather sleep all the way through instead of being woken up in the middle of it. being woken up leaves me feeling worse. when my husband comes to bed late and sees that I'm still up, he feels bad about it because he understands how difficult it is for me to sleep properly. I have tried talking to him about his habit of working late into the night, and it only seems to stress him out more because (in his words,) he's caught between me being upset at him and his manager being upset with him. 

the last time this happened (last week), I asked him why he can't just finish his work tomorrow (it was 1am). he replied with the same reasoning I wrote about earlier. I kind of snapped at him and said that nobody else on his team is even up working, and that I'm suffering because he thinks he has to get all his work done right away. I told him that I understand his work is stressful, but I also am impacted negatively by him working so late. I also told him that he knows it isn't good for himself and that it feels like he isn't doing anything to change this behavior, because he always ends up coming to bed looking like a fucking zombie. (he sees a therapist for PTSD and anxiety. I meant it more in a time and priority management context.)

he didn't give me a response and just kind of shut down. and we went to sleep without saying anything else to each other that night. I'm sure he brought this up to his own therapist, but we still haven't talked about it. I've tried talking to him about working so late several times before I snapped, but I still feel terrible about doing so. now it's like I'm adding even more to his plate to be stressed out about. knowing him, he probably thinks that he's TAH here, but with all the shit I had said... is it me?",If you want this relationship to last I’d get beds in separate bedrooms. I’m serious.
AITAH for feeling like I'm not in the wrong?,"Me (19f) and my little sister (16f) have a strained relationship. It can be great one day, and in the next sentence I say she can completely blow up on me out of nowhere. It's started to make me feel like maybe I'm doing something wrong, or not responding in the right way. Let me give an example of a situation:

At night, she came into my room (without knocking, which I \*always\* need to do even if I'm asking something through a closed door, to even get a response, but I let it slide) with her hair held up, asking me if I think she should cut it. (She has hair 3/4 down her back, and was holding it up next to her ears). I told her this was a major change, and that I wasn't sure whether she should do it because it takes a while to grow back. She started crying saying how much she hated her hair, and I realised maybe she needed some positive encouragement, because yes, it takes a while to grow back, but its just hair at the end of the day. So that's what I told her; if you feel like it'll make you happier, you should 100% cut it because it grows back, as I had cut my hair that day with the same mentality.

She completely blew up in my face. Started saying I give mixed signals, and how I should stick to my opinion if it's what I really thought, not change my opinion because now she feels even more conflicted. However, I feel if I had stuck with what I originally said, she would also have found a way to fight me over it, because 'everyone makes her feel like she should keep her long hair' - which is a direct quote. 

I cut my hair about 4 inches shorter that day, and she then started rambling about how I always wanna be just like her (which help: how does that apply here because I didnt know she wanted shorter hair. I was so confused when she told me this). If anything, I feel like it's the other way around. I get my hair cut, she needs her hair cut. I buy a speaker for in my room, low and behold, the next day she has one too. I buy an extra bookcase because I have so many books? All of the sudden I hear her begging my mom for one too. I keep these thoughts to myself, as I feel they will only spark useless conflict that I wouldn't be sure how to resolve, but I'm having a hard time understanding, and therefor correctly supporting her. I feel she's having a hard time right now, she reminds me a lot of when I was 16, but no matter what I say, I feel like it always rubs her in the wrong way, and it's kind of defeating, and making me want to just not get involved to begin with, as it does hurt my feelings when she pushes me away when I'm trying my best to be of help.

Am I an asshole and just not realising it? I really want to have a better relationship with her and feel that if I am the asshole there's things I can actively do to improve my responses maybe? I'm at a loss, would appreciate any advice.","NTA

Your sister is 16...and acting like she's 16. This is a time in most people's lives where they're still trying to figure out exactly who they are, what they like and what they don't. That is going to mean some behaviors that may seem a bit annoying to those past that age. I know it's hard, but just do your best to remain patient and remember that it's all temporary. You got this. ❤️"
AITAH for letting the guy I’m seeing think I’m broke?,"Throwaway because I use my main for things relating to my work. 

I (22F) have been seeing “Alex” (24M) for 4 months (but we barely saw each other in December because I was away for most of it). It was going great. Alex works an entry level job in marketing. I work for a fashion house as an intern. 

Just to get it out there - my paternal family has some money. My bio dad paid for my whole education, and I receive an allowance for living expenses since my internship pays pretty much nothing (there’s basically a travel allowance from the company that I don’t use). Technically I will receive an allowance from the family trust forever but at the moment my dad supports me directly because he considers the internship still being education/studying. 

On the weekend we went to dinner with Alex’s friends, and one of his friends asked about my job. She said she heard fashion doesn’t pay well at the bottom and I said “it doesn’t pay at all, the internship is basically unpaid”. Alex asked how I can afford to live alone then and I said my dad covers it. My friend then mentioned that the area I live in is crazy expensive and I just shrugged and said yeah the places are overpriced for sure. We changed the subject and that was it, but I felt like Alex was kind of ignoring me for the rest of the night. 

On the way home, he asked me why I let him think I was broke this whole time. I said I didn’t. He saw my apartment, all I told him was I was an intern, which I am. Why would I go out of my way to say it’s not what pays for my living expenses? That’s not his business. He said I lied by omission and that he’d only offered to pay for everything we do because he thought I couldn’t afford it. I never said that. I offered to pay for things, he insisted on covering it, I was always grateful. I thought that was normal. I didn’t realise I was meant to twist myself into knots trying to pay for something when he said it was fine. He said it was really weird and sneaky to hide a really big aspect of my life, and that he needed some space to process this. 

I’m genuinely confused. It’s not like I lied about the job I have. I work in fashion, I want to continue to work In fashion. Unfortunately I can’t do that without some financial help because this industry pays peanuts. I don’t think the fact that my dad is helping me pursue my passion is some giant hidden personality like Alex is pretending it is. The only thing that made me pause and wonder if I’m a jerk is a friend of mine saying that Alex probably just felt silly thinking he was impressing me/being really generous and the reality made him feel small. She said I should give him time to process and apologise for the miscommunication and see what he did next. 

I really don’t think this is as big a deal as he’s making of it, but I want some perspective. ",I personally think that's a lot of dramatics for a relationship of four months. I'm not sure you should apologize for the miscommunication. How did he think you paid for your apartment if he thought you were broke?
"Family friend cheating with step son, AITAH for telling her husband?","My wife came home from a visit with a friend of ours. (Her friend from before we got together) apparently the friend confided in my wife that she had fallen in love with her 21yo step son and that they were planning to move out while her husband was working several hundred miles away (he’s 2 weeks on 2 weeks off). The first thing I did was pick up my phone and let him know what was going on. He took an early flight home to confront her. Now they’re all of the opinion I stuck my nose where it didn’t belong. Her, because I told on her, husband because he lost out on money and I could have waited until he was back in town, and their son because “I destroyed his relationship with his father” my wife only told me because she was disgusted and anxious about what she learned.  Am I the asshole?

Edit: seems like the vast majority of you agree that it’s not really my fault for the timing and that I was honor bound to tell what I knew. I appreciate the opinions. I’m not second guessing myself anymore. ",You gave him the info. What he did with it was his choice.
AITAH: Partner Intimacy,"AITAH: My partner had a porn problem and has been doing great at recovery. (Some rough patches but we worked through it). One of the big problems is that our intimacy is lacking and Ive addressed it twice. My drive seems to be higher which is crazy considering the porn addiction my partner had. If I initiate I’m told I’m too forward. If I wait, I’m rarely getting anything. I do all the prep work and don’t receive anything back. This has led to me being extremely frustrated with the situation and wanting to break up over it. Otherwise our relationship is good. ","NTA-  ""Too forward""??? I'm assuming you are a woman and he's the man?  That total BS. Equal partners can ask for sex equally!  Otherwise, you have a chauvinist as a partner.  

Counseling is the only way to see if this relationship is salvageable. If he won't go, you go so you'll be clear headed about why you'll be breaking up with this creep."
AITAH For Choosing Not To Tell My Dad When I Have Kids?,"Okay, I’ll try to keep this short.

I haven’t talked to my father in over four years. I cut contact shortly after moving away from my hometown where he resides to a city over 1000 miles away.

I am an only child. My parents had me young, in fact my mother was pregnant with me when she was 17. My father is a little less than two years older than her. About that, mom was raised in a religious household that didn’t teach her about reproductive health so she was ignorant of how to prevent pregnancy while sexually active and was a virgin before she met my dad. I am convinced that he baby trapped her, he definitely knew more than she did.

I did not realize that I was abused until I was 20. My dad always said I had it a lot better than him and he never closed fist punched me so that means he never hit me. He was very good at convincing me that the way he acted towards me was normal and that I deserved it. I have memories of him throwing me against my bed and suffocating me with his huge hands to get me to stop crying at \~3 years old, throwing things at me aimed right at my head, and once when he kicked me I innocently showed the bruise to my kindergarten teacher who then called CPS but I didn’t find out that she did until years later when he was holding it over my head trying to make me feel guilty for getting him in trouble. I also remember in 3rd or 4th grade showing him a report card of all A’s except for a B in P.E. (behavioral issues related, go figure) and that B was all he focused on. I remember defending myself and crying when he jumped out of his chair to throw me against the wall and scream into my face. I’d also like to add that he is 6’5” and has hovered around 350-400lbs for as long as I can remember, so he was quite intimidating.

My mom was very submissive and never advocated for me. She had an indirect hand in a lot of the abuse that I endured from my dad and other caregivers but she and I have worked it out and we have a good relationship.

My dad is very good at flipping the script so that he looks good around others. Our family and family friends never thought he was abusive and he really had everyone around us convinced that I was the problem, including myself.

There is of course so much more to this but I think that sums it up. He is a charming and charismatic person to the point that when my parents split he already had a new girlfriend within 2 months and she moved in within 4 (I was living with him at the time so I could go to a school where I wasn’t getting bullied), despite him being very fat he always had a girlfriend. When his first girlfriend post divorce from my mom moved in he kind of forgot I was there unless I was pissing him off. He even forgot to buy me food. I was in middle school. Everyone who gets to know him loves him, and honestly a lot of his fun quirks and eccentric music and movie tastes rubbed off on me permanently and I am happy about it. It wasn’t all bad.

Him and I have had many conversations about the way he treated me and he was always apologetic but as I got older I began to feel like it was in a “saving face” kind of way and he never really understood the gravity of his behavior. One thing I don’t think I can ever forgive him for is convincing my mom that I was faking being sick when I was 12 when I in fact had appendicitis that ruptured due to their unwillingness to take me to the ER and I almost died. That set me back a lot. I failed classes due to missed school days, had to quit volleyball because I was weak and emaciated, and missed the auditions for the musical in choir class. It still makes my blood boil.

I’ve cut him off a few times, always deciding to bring him back into my life, but every time I did I started doing worse mentally because I would think that I was the problem and everything in life is my fault. It’s really hard to function in adult life when you feel that way so when I moved away I got some perspective and some physical detachment from him and cut him off for good more or less, except one time about a year and a half in when I mailed him a letter and unblocked him. He never responded to it. I’ve opened up avenues for communication without reaching out a couple of times to see if he would ever try to talk to me and he never did, but I noticed he was reading my Instagram stories around Halloween a couple of years ago but not actually talking to me. I blocked him after that. I always said if he really wanted to talk to me he could mail me a letter. He had my address, but I moved recently so now he doesn’t know where I live, and I have him blocked on all channels.

I plan on having kids with my fiancé in a few years and I considered reaching out to my dad when my first child is born so he knows he is a grandfather but I thought about it all the way through and I’ve decided that I’m probably never going to tell him, and I don’t think I’ll ever invite him into my life again. My life is still chaotic from dealing with mental health issues and trauma but it’s easier to handle without internalizing his critical and covertly abusive voice. I don’t want to risk having him sew seeds of doubt within me again and I certainly don’t want to risk him abusing my future children.

I know that people can change, and I know that he has already gotten better with age in some regards. I just, can’t do it. I’ve kissed the idea of having the whole family together goodbye a long time ago, and I’m mostly at peace with it. I wish I could say I have moved on completely but clearly I’m not since I’m still talking about it and I often feel guilty for not being willing to reconcile and forgive him.","NTA, you’re not obligated to hand your future kids over to someone who traumatized you just because biology says “dad” and anyone calling that selfish can fuck all the way off."
AITAH for telling my husband I don't want to give away clothes that is uncomfortable now because of my weight gain ?,"Let me (29f) try to make this simple. I weight gained and a lot of my clothes are too tight. I want to keep those clothes so I can wear them again when I lose the weight. 

My husband (29m) wants me to give them away. He said I don't need them anymore. I said I want to keep them, he said I should give tjem to charity. I told him I will take from own personal account to give to charity, but I want to keep those clothes. We keep going around and around and around in that argument. Am I the asshole ?","NTA

He's being unreasonable. We're coming off the holidays, a lot of us gained weight from overindulging in baked goodies. Unless the clothes have sat there over a year and are taking up space, he needs to back off."
AITAH by Befriending My Partner's Best Friend?,"Hi Reddit! I really need your unbiased opinion here. Appreciate all the suggestion and advice (if any).

“My boyfriend (33M) and I (34M) been together for about 6 months now. We decided to get together fairly quick since we both feel clicked with one another. TBH it’s been great. He’s great and I love him very much.

My BF has this couple of best friend which basically his inner circle and been with him since school days. So they have been through thick and thin and everything in between. They have a such a solid friendship and I like that for him. Thus, after we got together my BF wait no time to introduce me to his inner circles and It’s great to know his best friends. Among them there’s this one guy, we’ll call him ‘R’, who I particularly feel very excited to have a friendship with. No, not anything romantic, just purely friends. The reason is because R is quite artsy and we have tons of similar liking! One stands out is our love for dance art.

A little bit context, growing up I have always like arts. I like doing dance and performance arts. I have my own circles growing up but not the artsy group. It’s more like the smarty group. So I kinda the only one who dives into artsy thing back in the school and this continues till adulthood. I always kinda standout amongst my peers with actually comfortable of performing and dance, likes artsy stuff and likes talking about art and cool stuff in general. I haven’t got anyone who shares exactly the same liking with myself.

So, with R comes into the picture, as you might guess, we hit it off pretty fast since we shares the same interest. We trade numbers. We pretty much started to chat and sending each other funny and interesting videos. Basically, I enjoy this friendship very much and we only hanging out in person if my BF is there with me as well.

Fast forward couple months later, me and R are both exchanging text like normal and usual. Nothing special. Just funny stuff and occasional comments.  I then send him a text saying, “Welcome back to XX city” since he was flying back to the city after a quick trip. During a conversation, my BF mention how did I know that R already in town? I answer because you have a group call yesterday with R in loudspeaker with me in the car so I listened and knew he’s flying today and I send a welcome back greeting to him and he only replied when he’s landed so that’s how I know. My BF knew we both sending friendly text to each other, never anything weird or drama.

So, here’s the thing. My BF then jokingly said, “Why are you so nice to him? He’s my friend not yours.” I just laughed it off but honestly something snapped in me. After that I can’t help but feeling the ick whenever I see my BF. I still like him very much but still can’t erase this weird feeling. Also, this is not the first time he said that comment to me. He said it before that basically said the same thing.

AITA by basically befriending R? to feeling this weird by my BF comment? To feeling the ick?

I don’t really know how to deal with it though. Should I just shrug it off and don’t think about it? Should I talk to my BF about it? If yes, then how do I start?

Is it weird to be friends with someone who your BF/partner introduced? Is there any rules of befriending our SO friend? Is sharing meme and funny videos crossing boundaries?“

Please let me know so I can deal with it because it makes me feeling groggy and makes me feeling least excited to see my BF. I just need to get to the bottom of this and move on.","I think it’s totally fine to be friends with someone your partner introduced, especially if it’s not crossing any boundaries. That being said, if your boyfriend keeps making comments that make you feel uncomfortable, it might be worth addressing with him. It's possible he’s feeling threatened or jealous, but it's important for him to express those feelings directly rather than making indirect comments. Open dialogue about this could help."
AITAH for breaking down after becoming the only person caring for my bedridden fatt,"I’m 25 (F) and my father is bedridden. He cannot move on his own, cannot get up, and cannot take care of even the most basic needs without help. When this first happened, my family talked a lot about support. There were promises to help, promises to take turns, promises that I wouldn’t be alone in this.

Then time passed, and those promises quietly disappeared.

Because I live with him, the responsibility became mine without any real discussion. I wake up to care for him. I stay up at night listening for him. I lift him, clean him, change him, feed him, manage his medications, and take him to appointments. My entire day is structured around his needs. Even when I sit down, I am never actually resting.

Everyone else lives their lives.

They visit sometimes. They sit by his bed, talk for a while, say how hard this must be, then leave. They get to walk out the door. I don’t. No one stays overnight. No one says, “Go sleep, I’ve got this.” No one takes over so I can breathe for a few hours.

I stopped answering messages quickly because I am constantly exhausted. I stopped giving daily updates because nothing changes except how tired I am. I skipped family gatherings because I couldn’t imagine smiling and pretending I was fine while running on empty.

That’s when I started getting comments. That I’m distant. That I’ve changed. That I’m acting like I’m carrying this alone.

But I am carrying this alone.

When I finally said I was tired, it wasn’t met with help. It was met with judgment. Somehow admitting I’m struggling turned into me being the problem instead of the situation.

So AITAH for pulling back, for being exhausted, and for not pretending I’m okay while being the sole caregiver to my bedridden father?","NTA. You need to get a home carer or get him into residential care. That is not a burden for one person alone to bear. If anyone else in the family has a problem with that, they need to step up to take on the responsibility themselves."
AITAH for getting my sister flowers for her birthday?,"Context. My girlfriend is graduating Beauty School, and I’m out of town. So I planned to get her flowers delivered for her graduation. But she ended up finding out and now she is complaining that it doesn’t feel special because one week ago I got my sister flowers for her 13th birthday. I was also out of town. I don’t see an issue with a simple gift but it seems like she’s in the wrong or am I?","YIKES dude. This woman is jealous of your 13-year-old sister?! That is an insane level of insecurity.

There's no helping someone with this mindset. You just gotta bounce before she starts expecting you to cut your family off entirely.

NTA"
WIBTAH for not attending my son's wedding after finding out his fiancee is causing conflict?,"My son [28M] and his fiancee  [22F]  are getting married in September. This isn't his first engagement and this isn't the first time he's treated me like shit over the person he's with. 

My son and I have always had a tumultuous relationship due to his father who I divorced 14 years ago. He is also Bipolar and does not make it a habit to maintain his medication. Instead, he self-medicates with weed. It's great when he stays high, but not so much when he doesn't have any or can't afford it. (We are in a recreational state.) 

My son ""Jake"" was in an abusive relationship for 8 years  with ""Sandy"". She was not only mentally and physically abusive to him, but also the two children they have. She has hated me since the beginning of their relationship and did everything she could to keep my son & I separated. After 4 years of me being the only safety the kids had, Jake and Sandy gave me the kids (then 4 & 2- the 2 year old is not biologically my son's). They didn't provide anything for the kids, and I stopped asking them to be involved because they would tear up my house and the kids would have behavioral issues anytime their mother was around. 

Long story short, Jake & Sandy broke up last year and Jake moved into my house. She tried to take the kids back after I filed for legal guardianship, but she was found unfit and my son signed the paperwork voluntarily. During the court battle, he began dating ""Carol"". 

Carol had been some type of friends with Sandy while Sandy was pregnant with the first child. Jake & I also new her from working with her in a medical facility a few years ago. In addition, I had hired her to babysit the kids so I could work while Jake & Sandy were still together. She quit abruptly after a couple months because she couldn't handle the issue the kids have. (The oldest is showing signs of generational Bipolar disorder, and the youngest is autistic- in addition they are both coping with the trauma their mother inflicted).

I was extremely unhappy with him dating Carol as she left me in a lurch trying to provide for my grandkids with no help from the parents. She did apologize and we discussed it, and I forgave her. 

I thought that we were all on good terms. In July, the kids and I moved to a different state with my son's blessing and the approval of the court. I left my house (paid for) to my son with the understanding that it was still my house if I ever needed it and he agreed. He moved his fiancee in the day we left (which I didn't have an issue with) as well as others without my permission. However, we were in a car accident (that was entirely not my fault) and things went financially downhill. My son had sent me money from a lawsuit he had received from a car accident he had been in a couple years ago, (which apparently were ""loans"" even though I have not asked for child support or reimbursement for any expenses I have incurred providing for Jake, Sandy, & the kids over the last 8 years). But under the circumstances, it didn't help. I am under medical care in the new state due to injuries sustained in the accident. The kids had bumps and bruises but nothing serious. 

In December, I had to return home to get back on my feet. It has been made apparent that I am not welcome in my own home, and that even mentioning the house is mine is ""holding it over their heads"". They have been helping me out with things the kids need and cigarettes and I've been told I'm asking too much. I finally agreed to sell my house to them so we can go back to the other state, and today I saw messages from her stating that the kids and I are a burden. And she's going to have a party the night I leave. She states that the only reason she buys groceries is because of the kids, and if I don't sign a contract, they won't provide cigarettes for me anymore. (We had a prior agreement that anything they provided was coming off the cost of the house.) 

They don't know I've seen the messages. My son let me borrow his second phone so I could make important calls and the messages were coming up on the screen because his fb is connected. 

So WIBTA if I disconnected the kids and I from my son and not attended the wedding since it seems apparent we are unwelcome in their life together? ","NTA


Stop interconnecting your financial life with your son.  Evict your son, his fiancee, and anyone else from your house and either sell the house or move back in with just you and the kids. "
AITAH for not responding to a longtime friend and setting a boundary when she suddenly reached out?,"I (middle-aged woman) have known this friend (middle-aged womam) since middle school. Around 2005, I moved out of the area, and from that point on, staying in touch required more effort. For years, I was the one who initiated contact, including birthday and holiday greetings, as well as general check-ins. She usually responded, but rarely reached out first.

In fall 2024, something related to wedding gifts for her daughter added to my feelings of distance, but I never brought it up to her and did not expect anything to be addressed. I mention this only as part of my internal reflection.

The last time we were in contact was mid-January 2025, when she asked me to send her photos of items she might want to buy for her Poshmark store, since I live far away. That interaction felt more transactional than personal.

In 2025, she forgot my birthday. I didn’t initiate contact for hers either. Prior to that year, we had always exchanged birthday and holiday wishes. Again, usually initiated by me.

A few days before Thanksgiving, she suddenly texted, “Hi, I was just thinking about you. How is everything going?” I didn’t respond. She called the next day but didn’t leave a voicemail.

Around the same time, I heard through a relative that her daughter is pregnant. Given the timing and our history, I felt the outreach might be related to that (sharing the news or a baby shower/registry), which made me uncomfortable.

After reflecting on the friendship and realizing I’d felt like a second-choice friend for years and that I had been carrying most of the effort, especially after moving away, I decided I wasn’t interested in reconnecting.

A few days later, I replied:
""Hi. I’ve been reflecting on our friendship and have realized I’ve felt hurt by how things have gone over the years. I’m not in a place to reconnect, but I do wish you a Merry Christmas and all the best in the New Year. Take care.""

I then blocked her. I feel sad about it, but the friendship had been one-sided for years. I was always the one reaching out, and it left me hurt. Ending it felt like the only way to take care of myself.

AITAH for handling it this way 
instead of responding normally or ignoring her completely?

Edit: Over the years, I’ve often been the one keeping in touch and putting effort into the friendship, while she favored her “Friend A” and rarely initiated contact. She drops me mid-text, and then I don’t hear from her for a month or more. She doesn’t work, so she has the time.
When her daughter got married, her daughter accidentally received an extra Dutch oven. I spent over an hour on the phone with Amazon to make sure I wouldn’t be charged for it and assumed my friend would send it to me because I told her I needed one, but she kept it.
Her sudden outreach made me feel like she was reaching out because of the baby gifts, rather than genuine friendship. My decision to respond politely and then block her was about protecting my emotional wellbeing, especially given our history and the imbalance in effort over the years.",Protecting your peace is not selfish especially when the friendship had become one sided
AITAH for me 21m breaking up with my 22F gf because of her sleep schedule,"Well shes not my girlfriend yet but we're trying to see if it works, but i have one problem and its because she has a terrible sleep schedule.

We both live in the same country but we are LDR . We're both gamers, most of her friends are overseas(america) compared to us in northern europe.

I have friends overseas aswell but i still do my regular hours 6am to 11pm, but she does insane hours 15pm to 3am. I have tried to explain to here that its bad for her and to change it but she places her friends hours over our own.

Would i be the asshole to wanna break up just because she doesnt wanna change her hours. 
",You two just aren’t compatible. You don’t even have to break up if she isn’t even your girlfriend yet. Just say you aren't compatible and it wouldn’t work. 
AITAH for being hurt that my mother in law didn't reach out after my miscarriage?,I experienced a heartbreaking miscarriage. My husband broke the news to my mother in law. Not once has she reached out to me. All she had to do was send me a simple text message. I am beyond hurt. AITAH for not wanting to spend time with her anymore? ,"I’d wait before burning the bridge. Tbh some people don’t know how to handle someone else’s grief OR assume you need space and wait for you to open the door. 

I’m very sorry for your loss"
AITAH for being uncomfortable with my boyfriend going to his college friend’s beach house to party?,"I (18F) have been dating my boyfriend (19M) for over a year. When we were 6 months into our relationship, he decided he wanted to go to a college super close to my house. This was difficult for me but after a few weeks I adjusted and I was very happy for him to go there and never once said that I was uncomfortable with him being there.

He didn’t make good friendships as he is an introvert, and mainly stayed in his room, didn’t join his floor group in many activities, but went to the college events. Because of this, he wasn’t really invited to anything by the people he was friendly with. 

He has been invited to the beach house of a really nice guy. Since it is the holidays, he is one of maybe 20 people that are still around in our city, so he is invited. He wasn’t invited to the beach house during college, and this guy invited his other college friends. I wouldn’t really have a problem with this, but there are some girls there that I know would not be respectful of our relationship. I know they’ll all be drinking and partying and going to the beach. There will be around 20 of them, equal guys and girls. I also doubt there are 20 bedrooms in the house, so he’d be sharing the room with quite a few people. He would also be there for three full days. 

I found out that my boyfriend was also on the porn side of reddit a week after our 1 year anniversary, even though early in our relationship he said that porn was weird. It wasn’t just ‘fantasizing’ type of porn, it was very relevant to the sports he plays and played at college and highly suggested that he had a thing for girls that played that sport. I would’ve been able to justify it because porn really is just about fantasies, but it’s obvious that he views girls in a sexual way when they play the sport. This had destroyed a huge amount of trust that I had in him, and i’m still really trying to get it back.

Anyways. I’m just generally uncomfortable with this and I would genuinely hate to tell him that i’m uncomfortable. But I just know that the whole time he’s there, i’d be in the pits of doom. AITAH?","You can be uncomfortable, but if you don't trust him, you shouldn't be with him. Girls are EVERYWHERE. Don't be controlling."
AITAH for getting frustrated at my bf for telling me I need to make more money to get married,"I (female 22) am frustrated with my bf (male 24) because he said I needed to make more money before he would talk about marriage with me. For backstory we have been together for around 2 1/2 years and I’ve been through a lot together. I will probably sound like an idiot in this post, but I need honest opinions on this that are not biased by my friends. We have had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship, but at the end of the day, we’re very similar and keep each other grounded. He has had a little bit of a wandering eye, but we have worked through it. We had broken up for a little while because of him texting other women inappropriately. He was the one who kept coming back and wanting to be together. I truly love this man unconditionally, and they say love makes you blind.

He has known that I’ve always wanted to get married and that has been a goal of mine. He has been open to it, but has not been a goal for him. He told me after we got back together, he thought a lot about it and he would like to marry me, but I would have to at least make $100,000 before he would consider it. As of right now I work as a special education teacher and make around 45,000 and I have a second full time job, I have always worked very hard so it just hurts for him to tell me that. I plan to go to nursing school in August. He is already a nurse and is going to school for NP in August as well. We split everything around 60/40 since he does make more money than I do right now. We got into a huge argument because I said in my happy little world I’d like to be engaged in about 3 to 4 years and then plan a marriage after we are all settled and have everything figured out. He told me if that’s something that I want. He’s not gonna give it to me and to look elsewhere, he told me he didn’t understand the point of an engagement, and he believes in always looking for better, and that is stupid to get engaged young and put a hold on his life. Mind you we have very similar interest and very similar goals that we can achieve together. I told him an engagement would show me that he is truly committed to this relationship working and he just didn’t understand where I was coming from. 

Would I be the asshole to leave him over this argument? We have a couple big trips planned in the coming months (one I paid for and one he paid for) but I’m just over trying to make everything work. Every time I go to leave he tells me ‘future plans’ he’s had with me all along and how much he loves me. I’m just gullible because this is the first real relationship I’ve been in so it makes it harder to walk away. ",He’s not going to marry you even if you make that much money. He’s already made it clear he doesn’t want to marry you. So leave. You won’t get what you want from him. 
AITAH for planning to leave my partner when his father dies?,"My partner (45M) and myself (49F) have been dating for 3 years. After one year of dating, I relocated to be close to him, moving nearly 2000 miles. 

In the two years since I’ve been here he refuses to introduce me to his family, using reasons like, “They won’t like that you’re divorced”, “they won’t like that your previous business had bad reviews”, “they won’t like your political views” etc. There is always some excuse.  Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, except he spends nearly all his spare time taking care of his elderly parents, and since I’m a “secret” he only manages to find time for me once or twice a month which is NOT satisfactory to me. 

I have been telling him for the last two years, if either one of your parents die before you get around to introducing me, we are over, but I don’t think it sinks in.  Just whenever I bring it up, he says, “Right now is not the best time.”  And of course, as elderly people get older and more frail they get MORE complicated, not less, so I feel that these are just excuses.  Most recently, he told me he was “Uncomfortable with the fact that I don’t inquire about his parents” often enough, to which I said, “Why should I be concerned about strangers?”  

The whole issue is making me angrier and angrier and I can’t stop thinking about how he is going to be blindsided by me saying goodbye when one day he calls me to say his father has passed away, and yet he is going to deserve it. AITAH for feeling this way? 

UPDATE/ EDIT:  I should add that I’m NOT his sexual partner as it’s against my Catholic beliefs, and also clarify that I’m both civilly divorced and have a Catholic Church annulment (I didn’t say that originally  because I thought the distinctions of those two things would be lost on a general audience.) 

However, I definitely fill a need for companionship and attention and appreciation, as he does for me too. 

I’ve broken off with him probably a DOZEN times over the last three years only to end up coming back when subsequent relationships are even worse. Some examples:  1) one guy I grew really close to ended up telling me he’s “kinda gay”; 2) another guy I totally could have seen myself marrying confessed he was COMPLETELY impotent (so that’s “a Hard No” from me, Dawg!!); 3) another guy had misrepresented his finances and debts; 4) another guy, who via text and phone and video chat was the sweetest fellow in the world, when we finally met in person filled our ENTIRE weekend with backhanded digs about my weight, my face, my hair, my clothes, the presents I bought him, etc etc. (and everyone is gonna think this is made up, and I don’t blame you, because that last guy was Believe it Or Not, a MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR!!!!!). 

So YES I broke up LOTS of times, but YES came back just as many times. 

Because it’s HARD OUT THERE. To be vulnerable and start from scratch with a stranger. To KNOW that I’m not a beautiful, 122 lb twenty-year old with a perfect face and body. 

Because every time I left and then someone else disappointed me or was mean to me, it was great to come back to someone who I KNEW and felt I had an established friendship with, someone who has NEVER told me I’m anything except beautiful and desirable. 

But YES I get that I’m an idiot. But easier to see when you’re not living inside it, anyways. Thank you for all the feedback.  

SECOND EDIT: 
Another important factor I didn’t really explain in the first part is that the “silver lining” to this bad relationship decision is that I actually left a job I despised every minute of (I had promised myself I was only taking it for two years and ended up getting stuck in it for twelve and it was the most miserable years of my life), and with the move I scored my dream job that I love every minute of.  AND I earn about 50% MORE in the new job, which is so awesome I would literally do it for free!  

So YES I will move WHEREVER I find my future husband, but what I’ll miss will be this exciting and amazing job that the most thrilling thing I’ve ever been a part of! 

EDIT to clarify comments: 
NO we are not “just friends”— we kiss and hug and talk a great deal about the “married future” (which I’m sure many of you will ridicule but whatever). He is EXTREMELY jealous and sulky when he knows I’m talking to other men online. 

Every time I’ve left I’m met with lots of tears and begging, and GUILT, and manipulation, and promises to “do better.”  When I left him in July, he promised that if I came back he would marry me FOR SURE without any more excuses…. But he couldn’t even manage to see past his ten excuses to not see me over the entire Christmas break. 

And to answer all those criticisms of why I stayed in a job I hated x 12 years: 1. I had kids to put through school alone so I had to stick with something with adequate and reliable income to support them; 2. If you’re a member of a regulated profession you cannot necessarily just leave your job when you feel like it; you can’t leave until you’ve secured alternate arrangements to cover all your obligations or you may jeopardize your working licence both at home and in other states/ provinces. So it’s not like deciding to quit at Walmart and go work at Subway— there are a lot of factors one cannot necessarily control. 

Hahah sorry for SO many additions— I would also clarify that I’m 5 ft 8 in and 155 lbs so normal BMI range but a model my height would be 122 lbs. I’m more “average grocery store mom” than Cindy Crawford but I’m no troll from under the bridge either. ",NTA but.... ummm kinda sounds like his elderly parents are his wife and kids if he's only seeing you once or twice a month NGL
WIBTAH if I didn't invite my parents to our elopement?,"Myself (30f) and fiance (31m) are planning on getting married this October. We're best friends and have known each other since we were 13. Our families have known each other before then too. His parents have known me long enough to say they remember when I was just a little squirt.

We originally wanted a beautiful ceremony and would invite a lot of people, friends and family; but money is very tight. And we do NOT want to be in-debt to either of our parents, especially with my side. There are always strings attached with my family... Realistically, we've both come to terms that were not going to be able to pull that off, and especially since we were considering on doing THREE, yes I said three separate ceremonies because families are spread out, and we're also worried about bad blood...

That being said, we've been thinking about eloping, and possibly having only parents be present for it. It would be my finance's parents, and then my mother, stepfather, and father... 

My mother and stepfather have known my fiance's parents for many years, but there is a little bit of ""bad blood"" between them, nothing too serious though. However, my mother is known for starting drama; even my soon to be MIL has pointed this out, and I couldn't disagree with her. 

Building on top of that, my mother and stepfather are having some serious relationship problems, and have been for a long time. My mother is always threatening divorce, they're often fighting, and when my fiance and I visit them for the holidays, we tend to feel like we're caught in the middle for most of the visit... It's exhausting. I told them that it makes me uncomfortable, especially since I've experienced a lot of trauma in the past between her and my bio-father verbally attacking each other all the time growing up. I get nervous about the idea of the two of them being in the same town let alone the same space...

My bio-father and mother were recently able to be civil with each other because my Papa (on mother's side) passed away last summer. My bio-father came to pay his respects, and it went smoothly thankfully. This happened when I had just started talking to my bio-father again during my Papa's service, after I didn't talk to him for over a year due to how much he treated my fiance like shit the last time we saw him when he and my brother (16yr) came to visit... Let's just say the floodgates of the past flew open, and all the emotions I had pent up inside me for most of my life finally released. 

I think my bio-father has gotten the picture that he royally fucked up with his actions. My mother stepped in a bit to help him see and understand that (I did NOT ask her to btw). She told him how much she and our family (mothers side) love and adore my fiance, which I am grateful for. Let it be known that their fights are ""legendary"" enough to where at 30 yrs old, I quickly ran out the door to go to the store with my stepdad and fiance when I realized the two of them were talking on the phone, just so I didn't have to be there in case they blew up at each other... Shockingly, no bomb went off.


Fast forward to last December... We told our parents what we were thinking ceremony wise. We were going to have a small ceremony with just parents in northern AZ (current residence/ possibly NC instead aka: future residence where friends are with ideal small venue too), and then have a small ceremony in FL where my grandma (83yr on mom side), and my Aunt can attend with my mother and stepfather among with my fiance's sisters; and then have one in NY, so my father's side can attend. We'd like my grandma to especially be there since she and my Papa are pretty much the reason my fiance and I met. They were close with my fiance's grandparents.

My mother responds with saying she doesn't know if they (she and stepdad) can attend the one in AZ/NC because of money in a tone like she was giving an ultimatum, AFTER she kept saying how badly she wants to attend the ""real one."" And she kept insisting we have the real one in FL where my fiance and I first met, which is in my grandma's neighborhood.

It has been a dream of mine to get married in October surrounded by fall colors, and my fiance is very supportive of this. I'm a spooky person. When I told my mother this, she had the audacity to say, ""Well shouldn't your priority be about marrying your fiance regardless of where? I think your priorities are a bit off."" 

I was PISSED!!  And when my fiance and I were alone after she said that, I asked him, ""You heard that manipulation too, right?"" To which he responded with, ""Oh absolutely, yes."" He was pissed too. That right there alone, on top of what I know she's capable of due to her lack of emotional maturity; makes me not want her around us on the day we get married if we elope. I don't trust my mother, stepfather, or father to not start shit. 

I trust my soon to be in-laws though. Not only that, but part of me only wants them there because they got married in their early 20s and they're still together, and HAPPY (no relationship is perfect of course). Also, my mother, father, and stepfather are 100% prime examples of the multiple levels of toxicity that I've been exposed to in marriages that I do NOT want around my fiance and I the day we get married/elope. And my mother is known for ruining special days. For example: birthdays, holidays, graduations. I cried my eyes out on my 23rd birthday, which was the last one I spent with her... I refuse to spend another birthday with her after that.


Would I be the asshole if I chose to not invite my parents (mother, stepfather, and stepdad) and just let my soon to be in-laws attend our elopement; or just not having any parents on either side be present at all?","NTA. This is your marriage, not a family mediation session. Given the history of manipulation, conflict, and emotional harm, it’s completely reasonable to protect your peace on such an important day. You’re not obligated to include anyone who has a track record of making milestone moments stressful or about themselves. Eloping with just your in-laws, or with no parents at all, is a valid boundary, not a punishment."
WIBTAH if I bought cheaper household products?,"About a year ago my daughter and her boyfriend (both 22) moved back in with us, making our household size 8. After a couple of months she suggested paying rent, and said $300. My husband and I felt that was too much and said $250. We buy everything for the house, as well as her sundries and feminine  products. About a month later she lost her job so I started offering money toward rent for running errands. $25 to take brother to school, $25 to pick him up, $15 to take other brother to bus, $50-$60 for going to pay rent. In the last 3 months they have paid $240 ($80 of which was toward her phone bill), and I’ve taken off $385 for errands. They eat out EVERYDAY, sometimes more than once (boyfriend is weird about food so doesn’t really eat at home). They do more laundry than everyone else in the house combined. A couple of weeks ago I talked to her and told her that they needed to start making more of an effort to pay, even if it’s just $10 here and there. She does help me grocery shop every week, and I spent around $500-$700 (weekly). I buy her something every week for helping, and buy lunch. I also buy any snacks or food she requests. Shortly after she moved back she asked if we could buy a specific toilet paper (she has Crohn’s, so I get it), and I now spend an additional $30/month on toilet paper. I’m buying nearly triple the amount of laundry products, and I buy good stuff. I buy their soda, and water (she says she can only drink Arrowhead, the others hurt her tummy). A couple of days ago I brought up the rent issue again because she had not paid me anything since our last talk. It all blew up and she got mad that I “let it boil over” instead of talking to her, which I pointed out I had done multiple times. She said when she offered to pay rent she didn’t expect us to ask for so much. When I told my husband this he reminded me that she initially said $300. I really was done with the fighting so I told her not to worry about it, she doesn’t need to pay anything. I’m still so upset about the whole thing. I’m honestly considering buying the old toilet paper, cheaper water, off brand soda, cheaper laundry products (and keep my good stuff in my room for me). So, WIBTAH if I bought cheaper products?

For context: our utilities are up about $125/month since they moved back in. she has a baby/pet sitting service and also does DooDash. He does not have a job. We live solely off my husbands income, as I’m unable to work due to my health. They also do not help with anything around the house, outside of her doing dishes once every couple of weeks.

Added context to answer some questions.

1. She is on birth control, so pregnancy is highly unlikely.
2. I know she has Crohn’s, I’ve been with her for every painstaking minute of it.
3. she says eating out doesn’t inflame her tummy, and we are actively working with a nutritionist to find better things she can eat.
4. They have the money to eat out all the time because they have a couple of online sugar daddies.
5. She started working at 14, helped out with housework, with her siblings, ran errands for me. She never used to have this sense of entitlement, and then they moved out of state for 2 years and since she’s been back it’s been happening.
6. We feel disrespected and taken advantage of, and I know that can’t happen. But at the same time I’m so scared to lose her. She almost died at 18 when her Crohn’s started and it really effed with my head. So it’s almost like I’d rather be a doormat than not have her.
7. My husband is her stepfather.","She has Crohn's, and she's eating out every day? She isn't prioritizing her health, so why would you?

She is extremely entitled.

Get the 1-ply."
WIBTAH if I leave a bad review,"I have gotten waxed ""down there"" for the past 8 years, almost every month, occasionally every other. I usually go to the same person, as she does a very good job and has her own business, which I like to support someone doing their own thing more than a Corp. 

I got a lot going on in my life right now, and I went 3 months without a wax, and I knew my period was approaching. The thought of going through that with long hair down there was absolutely non negotiable so I tried to book with my usual wax specialist, but I couldn't find a time that would work for me in time. 

There is a wax place, Corp kind of place with many locations around the US, they kept coming up in search results and they had a really low price if you were a new customer. They had an opening for the next day after I got done work, so I went. 

I had a HORRIBLE experience. The girl was applying the wax in a dabbing motion. I thought, okay, weird, but I know people have different methods etc. Then, she is like applying it across the ENTIRE RIGHT SIDE OF MY HOOHA. my normal wax person does area strips. Im thinking, oh my god, she is going to have to pull this off from like 6 different angles. 

Then she starts pulling it off. She is like pulling it so slow. I know the hair is over grown so its going to hurt more but I eventually tell her to just pull it off. This girl grabs the wax strip, does not support/pull tight my skin in any way, and starts yanking at it, still basically achieving pulling out only a couple hairs at a time, but mostly, pulling the absolute shit out of my skin. I literally sat up and stopped her and asked what on earth she is doing. She said it's just because the hair is really long. I said you shouldn't be pulling my skin like that you could really hurt me! She turns red and goes to get help, comes back with another person and they CUT THE WAX STRIP OFF FROM MY HAIR. 

I LEFT WITH BASICALLY A HALF SHAVEN VAGINA. I WAS BLEEDING. THEY STILL MADE ME PAY. THEY STILL MADE ME LEAVE THE AUTOMATIC SERVICE CHARGE/GRATUITY. 

THEY CALLED THE NEXT DAY TO HAVE TO NERVE TO ASK ME TO BOOK AGAIN. 

Now, from what I assume is their automatic system, I am getting texted a few times to leave a Google review. 

Should I be the AH? 

Info: when I had a baby I went like 6 months without a wax and was very overgrown, but usual wax lady got it off with minimal pain. Im not sure if my usual wax lady is just really good or if most are just really bad? ","NTA

OFC YOU SHOULD LEAVE A BAD REVIEW!

They might be giving other women this treatment!!

edit: omygah first award?"
AITAH for not driving 4 hours to see my sister.,"I f44 have an older sister 49 that stays overseas, she moved there 2 years ago. 6 months ago she started planning a trip to her home country. The problem is her itinerary includes the city our father resides in, and 2 other holiday destination cities, but not her hometown where my 75 year old mother, myself and brother reside. There is no history of estrangement, nor familial strife. She visited my dad for a week and expects me, my husband and two kids, my mother and brother to take time off work and school, find housesitters and drive 4 hours to see her. Aitah for refusing to go? ","“No, that won’t be feasible for us. If you want to see everyone, you know what city we live in. Hope you’re able to come by”

You don’t need to accommodate this nonsense. 

NTA"
AITAH For flipping out on my dad after he loudly stated in front of everyone at my family gathering that I need to hide my sex toys,"So I (M17) am just chilling downstairs in the living room with my cousins (they're all adults dw) and I'm having a nice time, when out of nowhere from upstairs, my dad, loudly exclaims for everybody to hear, ""OP, make sure to hide your dildo!"" And I immediately go run upstairs and put the dildo back in my hidden compartment in my room and I yell at my father, which in turn he gets mad at me because I'm yelling at him. Later, he talks to me in private, stating that I'm disrespecting him by owning sex toys, and that no person my age owns them. And I'm obviously pissed.

TLDR: accidentally left my dildo in my bathroom cabinet while cleaning my bathroom earlier in the day, dad embarasses me in front of cousins, and I get pissed","ESH. Him for obvious reasons, but also, don't just leave your dildo lying about."
AITAH for hitting my boyfriend?,"Okay so strong title I know. But there’s context. We just got in a massive fight with him saying he’s gonna start to full swing on me if I don’t quit laying hands on him… I don’t just swing on him in disagreements because he didn’t do the dishes. 95% of the time it’s when he is putting his hands on me making me uncomfortable. It could be tickling me putting his freezing cold hands on me etc. I don’t just start this immediately hitting him I tell him to stop a multitude of times before I start hitting and typically start with barely using force to gradually using more. I grew up being told to tell someone to stop 3 times and if they don’t you have every right to swing. He KNOWS I don’t like these things and doesn’t stop he even continues WHILE I’m hitting him. To me it’s common sense “if I don’t want her to hit me I should stop doing the thing making her hit me.”

 Today he had his entire body covering the bathroom door and tried arguing about my sleeping habits with me for the third time today. I started shooing him and saying I’m done while walking toward the door he had covered. I said I’m done with this conversation I’m not talking about it at least five times before reaching him and I pushed him out of my way. He immediately grabbed and pushed me back. I pushed him back again and grabbed him so he couldn’t push me into the tub without taking himself too. In his eyes I used all my force to push him. To me I barely touched him. 

It became an entire thing “I’ve told you for months not to lay hands on me you think I won’t swing back.” While I’m telling him to do it and see what happens. That I barely touched him and warn him to stop many times before I do. I’m tired of being the asshole because i physically am uncomfortable and tell him to stop and he doesn’t. When he tells me to stop I do. When ticking and putting cold hands on him I do it for a few seconds not a few minutes while he’s screaming to stop. He wanted to bring up “court of law” like yes in the court of law when you unconsenstually are pinning me down and putting your hands on my body I have every right to fight back. 

I’m just tired of being the bad guy in this relationship. I do EVERYTHING. Everything started because he came home depressed because he “comes home to nothing” (meaning I won’t eff him) when he comes home to a clean house and dinner most nights. I come home to him sitting on his ass 24/7. I work just as much as he does. I come home from work and make dinner and clean the entire house on my days off. It’s a good day if he even does dishes. But I’m TAH because I won’t have sex with him. (Sorry I’m turned off when you complain about putting the dinner I made away) 

I’ve had a thousand people tell me to leave him before it got to this point. Started getting people saying that back when he said he didn’t like my jeans. If only I could… I was basically pushed out of my house to live on my own. Anymore you can’t afford jack shit without a second income. ","NTA

He is abusing you and intentionally violating your physical boundaries until you snap so that he can turn things around and call you the abusive one. You say you've had thousands of people tell you to leave, so I'm not sure why you're here asking if you know you're being abused but are not prepared to leave.

If you can't afford to live alone, look for a place with roommates. See if you can stay with a friend. Look into a domestic abuse shelter. There are options out there."
AITAH for checking my partner's messages which led to relationship ending?,"Hey guys and girls - over the last few months I've been dealing with the breakdown of a relationship after 3 and a half years and have gotten to the point where emotion is tucked away and I can start questioning exactly what happened and I'm really struggling to work out if I screwed up as badly as she makes it out to be.

Introduction - I'm an anxious attached person and she is a dismissive avoidant (from what I can research) and in November last year things came to a head and our long term relationship ended. Long story short - after about 12 months of feeling neglected, ignored and with constant reaches out for affection/intimacy ignored (hugs, touches, etc not even responded to and not getting off her phone or acknowledging) I began to spiral and wonder if something was going on. We both work full time (her Monday to Friday and me Monday to Saturday with us both doing our businesses on Sunday which is photography and takes me days after work to edit and post after work hours). I know she might feel ignored so every 20-30 minutes I'd make sure to stop what I was doing and go and see her and make sure she was okay and needed nothing, gave her a hug and continued. She would never ever say anything, never mention a problem and I thought it was all going okay but I knew something was wrong that I had no information to try and rectify.  
  
There was no communication or explanations and after months I couldn't help myself and jumped on her computer and checked her messages to answer the question that had built up in my mind if there was someone else or for some crumb of context. Then I found the group chat with her friends - bitching about me talking about things like ""I can't believe he asked me to cover the bill at dinner after I mentioned I hadn't been paid yet - it was so awkward"" (we usually took it turn by turn whenever we went out to cover it), the fact I'd mentioned that she was going to gym alot more now with her friend (I was trying to create conversation about a positive thing in her life she was doing) which turned into her friend saying ""what is he afraid I'll find you someone better"" and then complaining that I was constantly mentioning the diet I was doing and how exhausting/annoying it was (I was being incredibly strict and wanting to share my journey with her and get some support to help me through it while I worked to better myself and look better for her too). The worst one of all was me the night before mentioning ""that place looks really cool - how nice it would be to be rich some day!"" because she always looked at nice real estate and she took that as me implying I couldn't wait for her grandfather (who is very wealthy) to die to pass along his fortune and that I was looking for a ""free ride"" which is the most horrible thing I could imagine she could think of my mindset and that she thought I was a demon.   
  
Obviously this all shook me to my core and I confronted her when she got home. It turned into a fight where we discussed the communication issues and her feeling neglected because we didn't go out much or do much - thinking her hints of ""we should go to this restaurant some time"" were clear and when I said I needed clear discussion not hints and that I'm not a mindreader on how important something is or her needs she said ""you should know"". We both agreed we could work on things but then said ""You can start by telling me how you found out about the group chat discussions"" and I thought I'd start the revival with honesty and said I checked her messages instead of throwing any of her friends under the bus. She glared, said ""we are done"" and stormed out. This was followed by weeks of avoiding me, discussing logistics and organising next steps - we had a couple of conversations after it had cooled a bit and I mentioned that, despite her breach of trust going behind my back and talking shit about all the relationship issues with her friends instead of me, that I would be willing to forgive her and work on the problems that came up in our chat before it all blew up that day. She however, was unwilling to forgive me checking the messages once and decided to end it entirely. We owned a house together, had two cats (one mine one hers) and had our vehicles including one we bought together as a joint purchase so our lives are going to be incredibly arduous to unwind. She even got a lawyer to draft up and create a Binding Financial Agreement to lock in splitting of assets and has since removed our friendship on Facebook and blocked me from her business page (that she got into using my business model, doing the same thing, using the same structure and I helped her setup, choose the right equipment and even come up with the name). 

Long story short - was I the asshole checking the messages after about a year of no communication and mentally spiraling or was it justified to try and get some answers? What feedback/observations do you guys have for me based on this? I am tired and exhausted and emotionally burned out and don't know really how to process the overall situation to both accept what happened but also how it will affect my future relationships. Thanks.","I'm going to go with ESH

You suck for invading your GF privacy by checking her group chat messages

Your GF sucks by spending more time bitching about you to her friends instead of having open discussions with you about her needs and wants.

This was a relationship that needed to die"
Aitah for not jogging with my cousin in the mornings?,"Hello Reddit, this is my first post. I'm writing on a phone, so don't be surprised. This is a throw-away account, since people know my main account.

So I (15M) have been jogging every morning. I do this for my mental and physical health, as I used to have a little chub on me (not an excessive amount). I have worked hard to get rid of all the extra fat. I have a cousin (13M) who is overweight.

Let's call him Jake (fake name). My cousin has been very self-conscious of his weight, but he doesn't try to do anything to fix it. This is where I come in. It all started at an average Sunday dinner, when the family had a chance to talk before everyone got busy for the whole week. A few of my cousins were playing Uno (Including Jake). We were all called into the main TV room for the annual check-in by all the parents. One of my uncles started saying that Jake should start working out, my mom jumped in with my daily routine of jogging in the mornings. My Uncle told Jake's father to consider it; he, of course, said yes. So now we get to the next weekend. I am fine with a running buddy, as it gets kinda lonely by yourself. So at 6:30 AM, which is the time that we agreed upon the previous Sunday, I go to Jake's house and ring the doorbell. My aunt answers and welcomes me in, she goes to call Jake and I hear arguing. I start to get confused and I sit down on the couch. My aunt comes down and says that Jake is getting ready. I say alright and start to wait. A whole 30 minutes pass and now I start to get annoyed, as I would have been halfway done my routine by now, but I understand that it is probably his first time waking up so early. He comes down and greets me. We leave and start to run, but I guess it was boring for him to just follow me, so he decides (In great Jake Fashion) to trip me, to this day I have no idea why he did that. But I had fallen hard, I just looked up at him as he laughed.

It was that time of year, when the sidewalk is always kinda wet, so now my grey hoodie had a weird, rocky wet feeling. I was so angry at Jake, but I just wanted to get this over with. So we finish with the path I normally go through which connects to my neighborhood, I start walking when he stops me and says ""Yo drop me off real quick"" I really did not want to because they live a far walk away, I told him that and he said he wasn't going to talk to me anymore, so I gave in and walked him home. Atp I was really pissed off as he had just ruined my Saturday morning, I just decided to let it go, the first thing I do when I get home is rip off that wet hoodie and take a shower, but now lets move on to the next weekend, which would be around 2 weeks since my mom agreed for me to jog with Jake. Now this Saturday I was not in the mood to run, it just didn't hit me with the same feeling when I woke up, so I decided to watch TV instead, but my mom came down and asked why I hadn't gone to jog, I told her I wasn't in the mood, she went off and started yelling at me about how Jake was left all alone and would not be safe running by himself. I then told her what happened the previous week, she just looked at me and said ""So?"" I was in shock, I have never seen my mom ignore my feelings before. She said if I didn't go I would be grounded for 2 weeks, I just kinda ignored her and walk off because I couldn't explain what I felt anymore. Jake messaged me and started asking me when I was coming, I told him that I wouldn't be jogging that day. he blocked me before I could say why.

  
I'm sorry for all the yapping but I need a third party perspective so Aita for not jogging with my cousin?",NTA. There are days when you don't feel like running and that's valid. And I do not blam you for not wanting to jog with him. Are you asian by any chance? Because I know they value others more than their own kids.
AITAH for being mad that my friend is accusing me of a crime I never committed?,"I (19F) got scammed out of a lot of money for tickets. 

Half the money was this girl I was friends with. We weren’t really close but we were getting there with a nice friendship. She’s a girl that I’ll be forced to see often. 

Anyways, I texted her when I found out I was being scammed apologising for everything.

I said that I don’t have a job my boyfriend offered to help me pay you back. 

She didn’t say anything. I assumed she was mad and I would 100% get that. So, before that she sent her bank details a while ago.

 my plan was to just pay her back quietly and leave it there. I just felt terrible and I didn’t care if my money had gone missing as long as hers had returned. 

Then I texted her again to say I’m still planing on doing this with the little money that I have.  

And she left me on opened. Cool great stuff. Now I’m getting slightly annoyed because I’m trying to help but she’s got to at least say “yes pay me back, that’s all good.” 

I’m not asking her to be besties with me. I’ve been literally devastated ever since. I also lost a lot of money and I was super apologetic and tried to figure everything out. 

Then in the morning I get a call from the bank. I’m thinking this is good news about the reimbursement I was promised. They were to pay me enough money so both of us get most of it back and lose a small amount in the big run.

But the lady said she got a call from my “friends” bank claiming that I am the one that scammed her. 

And my hearts racing and I’m like “what??”

I’m getting anxious because I’ve been trying to work it all out. I haven’t told my mum about it because I knew she’d blame me and get angry. And now my friend is accusing me of being a criminal.

So I texted her again basically saying it’s not like I planned to get scammed and if you don’t want my help I won’t give it to her and I’ll just fight for my half and you can do what you want on your own.

I get being mad but if you really wanted your money back you’d surely want to work with me rather than against??? Or am I crazy for thinking that???

I’m actually so baffled and I’m fuming because I’m not a thief. I swear on the cross if I knew this was a scam I would’ve never done it. I would’ve never ever, ever put her or myself in that situation. 

I’m also broke and (amount) is a lot of flipping money. 

I’m scared this will get back to my mum. I haven’t told her… and if it gets to a point I will if I get a reimbursement. But I literally cried because of how awful I felt. 

I was so apologetic about it and I never intended that to happen.

But now my stance is if she ignores my last message to her I’m going to promptly remove her and I wont do anything more for her case. 

So, am I the asshole?",What were the tickets for?
AITAH if i don’t offer to pay my own way when my family invites me out to dinner?,"My son and his wife both have high income jobs while I am living off of my Social Security and have to watch my spending very carefully. They enjoy eating out at local restaurants with their children at least once a week. Every few months they ask me to join them. I am happy to be included. However, I have only offered to cover the check for the entire group a couple of times since the bill for six people for dinner, appetizers and sometimes drinks plus a good tip can be out of my budget range for that month. AITAH? Should I be picking up the group check more often? Should i ask for a separate check? Sometimes I have left the group tip in cash in lieu of paying for my own dinner.","If your family is inviting you out to dinner, you don’t need to be paying at all. 

Offering to leave the tip is a nice gesture, but probably also unexpected by your family.

Do you invite them over for a home cooked meal once in a while? That would seem to more than make up for their occasion treat of a dinner out for you.

Edit to add: NTA"
WIBTAH for not inviting my friend to my graduation,I have 2 very close friends and I also have 2 friends I’ve made from school and work who I’m not close with yet. The two friends in close to I’m very grateful for but one of my friends has terrible social anxiety and doesn’t ever want to go anywhere in public and my other friend is always with her bf so her free time is limited and we usually all hangout together. Anyway recently I’ve been hanging out with my new friends more simply because I actually want to go out and do stuff. I still regularly talk to my close friends and hangout don’t get me wrong but I feel like I reach out to my school friends more when I want to go out and do something. At most I’ll go with my close friends to a restaurant or movie but everytime we go in public my one friend always gets overwhelmed with anxiety and often will breakdown and cry because of it. I don’t want to sound like a bad friend but lately when I want to go out and do anything I’ll invite another friend just because I don’t have to worry about not having a good time. The thing is because they’re new friends I don’t think im close enough with them to hangout too often. But honestly whenever I hangout with my close friends I feel so trapped because I just want to go out and do stuff like literally anything other than sitting at her place and doing the same thing. I feel like such an asshole and I love her as a friend but I’m so bored of us never doing anything. I try to suggest various activities that don’t involve sitting at home but because of her anxiety every hangout is sitting at home. I’ve tried to help her with exposure therapy and suggesting she start small by grocery shopping herself and little things like that. But this year she switched all her classes online and quit her job so she basically never leaves her house. Im not saying this to diss her way of living but I mean I feel bad for going out with my other friends and doing stuff but it’s because I know she would say no anyway due to anxiety and also I want to have a good time and not worry about her getting overwhelmed form being perceived. I graduate college in a few months and idk if I should invite her to my graduation. I’m worried something will happen to make her anxious and not to sound completely selfish but I don’t want her to breakdown at my graduation because I want that day to be all about me and I don’t want any sad energy.  If I didn’t invite her then I wouldn’t invite my other close friend because I don’t want anyone to be left out but I’m worried she will have a breakdown and I’m sorry but I don’t want to deal with that the day of my graduation. WIBTAH for not inviting her and is there anyway I can help her ,[ERROR]
AITAH for being disappointed over Christmas presents from my girlfriend?,"Ive been with my girlfriend for four years. For our first Christmas together we got each other quite a lot and really seemed to make an effort. She lived at home at that point so had more disposable income. 

The couple of years following that we still got each other a few things but it was less due to us having less disposable cash come. 

Last year we both got pay rises so agreed that it would be nice to make more of an effort for Christmas and spend more on each other and even buy for some family we don’t usually. 

Why she asked totalled around £100 and I got her some extras that cost another £100. What I asked for totalled around £50 and o just told my gf to surprise me with the rest and get me what she thinks I’ll like. 

In the bills up to Christmas I saw how much effort she was putting into get I g her family present then when it came to Christmas I saw she’d got me what I’d asked for but nothing else. She then proceeded to mention things she was going to get me but was too expensive. 

The total of those items would barely have put the total spend over what she’d asked for from me so it was disheartening to hear. A few days after Christmas she asked if everything was okay. 

I mentioned the fact we said we were going to make more of an effort for Christmas now we have the money but it seems it was just one sided. 

She called me ungrateful but I just said it hurts since it just seems like it’s me that she hasn’t bought more for while expecting me to spend more for her. I pointed out it was like she was deliberately making a point of not spending more for me by listing all of the things she would have got me while causing the cost was too much.

She just said again I was ungrateful since it’s not like she didn’t get me anything at all. 

AITAH for being disappointed over Christmas presents? ",NTA. 
AITAH for getting mad at my boyfriend for hiding an affair from his sister?,"For a little context, I 18F have been with my boyfriend 19M for almost a year now. Due to us being in a ""medium-distance"" relationship I still haven't been able to meet any of his close family (a bit odd I know but that's an issue for another post).

Recently, me and my boyfriend got into a fight in which he revealed that his sister's husband is cheating on her by going to 'brothels?"" and is having intercourse with the girls there regularly. His sister is in her mid 20s and they're planning to have children soon. 

My boyfriend has known this for over a year now and has apparently confided in his youngest sister, however neither of them have said anything to the older sister. He says he doesn't want to be the reason her sisters marriage gets ruined and doesn't want to break her heart. 

When I still expressed discomfort about the situation he told me I have no right to be upset because I don't know his sister and this issue doesn't concern me. 

I don't know if I'm overreacting but something shifted in me and this extent of hiding a cheater is making me very worried for his moral values. Am I overreacting and am I allowed to be upset?? ",NTA. Ask him if it's alright if his sister contracted venereal disease. 
AITAH for not wanting to go to the US?,"I have been dating my boyfriend(20M) for more than a year. We met in my country in Europe and he’s been staying in my country ro study here. Every Christmas and summer he goes back to his family and one summer he asked me to come along, I agreed and I booked the flight, I went for a month and this was slightly after trump got into office. When passing immigration I was questioned severely, the motive of my visit, why my boyfriend was not travelling with me(obviously he went on the US citizens queue, and I went on the rest of the world queue). Anyways, it was really fun, I went to San Francisco and I had a tourist visa which I carried on me at all times since I was pretty scared. 

This year he wants me to visit him again, we had been planning on it, but with the development of the trump situation, and the Greenland conflict (my country openly supports Denmark and says we will defend Greenland). He’s pressing me to buy tickets and all that, and I told him I’m not going to until I see how things develop. To this, he got really sad and started asking me if that was the whole reason, and if I was sure it wasn’t because I was falling out of love or something like that. I reiterated 100 times that no, it’s not that I am genuinely scared and he said that I always antagonize his country and that despite everything, it’s still the best country in the world. His family is democrat and they are first generation immigrants. He is second generation and I am also a POC, so understandably I am kind of scared. 

So AITAH for wanting to cancel the trip until I see how things develop?","NTA 

It's too dangerous for foreigners to go to the USA.

You can be arrested and held for months without having any chance of getting help for made up reasons, as it happened for example to a german tattoo artist who was visiting a friend in USA legally (!)

And if that happens to you, you will get villanized by the US government to hide their crimes.

So no, don't risk it."
AITAH for not wanting to drop out of college to pay my parents bills? Mom refuses to work.,"My relationship with my parents, especially my mom, has always been difficult. She’s emotionally dismissive, often mocks me and my sister, and gets angry if we react or are not constantly positive. When we try to talk about respect, she says we’re not entitled to opinions and laughs in our faces. There’s basically no boundaries at home. Since we live under their roof, we’re constantly reminded that nothing we have is really ours, and saying no isn’t an option without it turning into a fight.

I work full time and pay out of pocket for the last few courses I need to be CPA eligible. This has made my mom angry. She hasn’t worked since 2006 and refuses to look for a job, but expects me and my sister to help cover bills now that my dad’s hours were cut. Bills are falling behind, and we’re being pressured to step in, while she insists it’s her house but won’t contribute financially.

TLDR: I’m finally in a job related to my career and have been told I’ll be promoted once I finish my courses. My mom wants me to drop out and help pay the mortgage instead. Given our history, I’m struggling to agree to that.

Update: Thank you to everyone that’s responded. My sister and I feel better knowing that we’re not crazy. We’re in a situation where our mom has turned all our extended family against us. She’s convinced them we’re liars and manipulators, so unfortunately reaching out to them for help isn’t an option. 

My sister and I do help pay bills, clean, give them extra cash, and buy groceries/necessities for the family. I let them use my car when I’m off work and have recently offered to purchase them a cheap car (so both parents have one). This made my mom super angry, and she shut the conversation down. We try to help out as much as we can; it’s just never enough.","This is the type of parent you move a flight away from. 

Don’t sacrifice your future for her. She needs to get a job instead of trying to ruin your future. 

NTA"
UPDATE: AITAH for refusing to give a cat back after adopting her? Now being asked to pay additional money.,"UPDATE: 

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/BkSz6QRBS2

After my original post, things escalated further. The previous owner continued begging for the cat back days later and offered to send us money for another cat. Now her mom has also started contacting me (and my friend, her coworker), listing the original adoption fee, supplies they purchased, and is now asking us to reimburse them for these costs. I already sent them money the day of the adoption for the supplies. 

No additional payment or reimbursement was ever discussed or agreed upon as part of the adoption. I’ve already said no to returning the cat, and now I’m feeling extremely pressured to either give the cat back or pay them.

AITA for refusing to return the cat and refusing to pay them? ","Of course you are not the asshole. They seem extremely unstable and not concerned about the cat's best interests. At this point, you might be able to report them for harassment. But otherwise, block them. Do not pay them another cent.

Get the cat microchipped under your name and address. Take them to a vet for a checkup and get any needed vaccines and make sure everything is in your name."
AITAH for going on maternity while covering a maternity leave?,"I’m a teacher and was hired to cover a 1 year maternity leave. Found out I was pregnant in September. I told my administration in December and feel they were upset about the news. I understand that it’s not ideal to find another teacher for the remaining months…but is it such a big deal? I like the school, and always want to keep good relations, but I’m not aiming to get hired again by them. 

Am I the asshole in this situation? Is it a bad look and frowned upon? ","The only issue I would have is if we hired you with the intent to cover someone’s maternity leave and you knew that was the purpose of the hire and you were either (1) already pregnant and planning to go on maternity yourself or (2) were trying to get pregnant during that period.  I know there are legal issues about what you can and can’t ask on someone’s family plans or pregnancy status.  However, it’s not a good look for you because the perception would be that you deceived them knowing why they needed there in the first place"
AITAH for ending this relationship? Or am I the crazy one?,"My ex and I were just not compatible. We bickered a LOT and i acknowledge that’s on both of us, and I at times felt I had to mother him and let those feelings get the best of me. It’s been months but I cannot shake the feeling of extreme guilt over the break up and how awful I might’ve made him feel. He paid a bartender 50 dollars for her number an hour after I said “I needed a break”, he broke my trust multiple times, lied about the girls he’s been with, was interested in my roommate, called me names and was upset with what I was wearing. If I wore something to his standards and got hit on he would say “well it’s because you finally looked decent”. These are all red flags to me but I still can’t shake the times I might’ve been stern, or mean. AITAH for ending this relationship? Could it have been saved? I need to move on but can’t shake this guilt ",You can end a relationship for whatever reason you want.
AITAH for refusing to let my grandmother make my bed?,"I (16TM) split some milk on my bed the other day, and today I got home from school with the intention of doing a deep clean of my bed--laundering all my sheets, my blanket, pillowcases, stuffed animals. However, I got home to find that everything had already been cleaned by my grandmother (76F).  
I thanked her for taking the load off and retreated into my room to hang out for the afternoon. A while later though she came in with the bed condom (I don't know what it's called, the thing you put over a mattress? mattress cover? we've always called it a bed condom, you understand) and said she needed to put it on, so could I get off the bed? I told her she could just leave it, and i could take care of it.  
Then, she told me I wouldn't ""know how"" to do it because ""it's the kind you tuck underneath the corners"" and to just get off so she could do it. I know how to put a mattress cover on, I'm not stupid. I said I could take care of it and that she could go upstairs, but she insisted that I would need her help.

I started getting annoyed. She's always been overbearing. to give you an idea of what she's like:  
\- she was squeamish about me walking home from school yesterday (it's about a half hour's walk) because she was worried it was dangerous and that I'd get kidnapped.  
\- One day I came home from a walk to the park with an odd bit of irritated skin on my jaw (still no clue what could've caused it) and she was sure it was a hickey and that I'd been making out with someone there. That week my period was a day or 2 late (completely normal for teenagers!) and she began to pile on creepy remarks about how i'd better take a pregnancy test, and that if I'd got knocked up my dad would kick me out and I'd be homeless. *Completely* unprompted, apart from the spot on my jaw. It made me sick to my stomach. Since then she's insisted on not letting me go on walks around my neighbourhood without her coming to supervise. I go out a lot less now as a result, because I don't like arguing with her.  
\- I struggle with eating regularly and listening to my body when I'm hungry, and when she feels like I haven't eaten 'enough' by her standard, she'll try to force-feed me, even going so far as to grab my face and try and shove the food in. it's awful.  
\- she doesn't let me sleep alone, and comes down to my room to sleep with me every night instead of with my grandfather (edit: not in my bed! she's got her separate bed). on nights where my parents are away and there are extra rooms, i go up to sleep in them, and that always causes an outrage with her. she says i'm not old/mature enough to sleep without her. i've had to call my lovely reasonable mom to back me up on more than one occasion.  
\- i do most of my own laundry, but even so, she goes through my laundry basket to, i don't even know. but she'll go out of her way question me if there are 4 days of laundry and only 3 bottoms.  
and so on.

What I did next, I'm worried was childish on my part. I refused to get off the bed to let her put the cover until she left so I could put the cover on myself. I don't want to let her spoonfeed me everything, and I don't want to grow up to be an incompetent man whose mommy did everything for him growing up and now he doesn't know how to do basic chores. I feel like since I'm nearly a SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL, I should be allowed to at least have the autonomy to make my own goddamned bed.

I kept telling her to leave, and it escalated into raised voiced. She told me to move one more time and I said no, and she told me to go die and left the cover there for me to do it. From upstairs I overheard her ranting to my grandfather about how if she'd acted like that when she was my age she would've been beat with a brush.

I put the bed cover on and made my bed without anything vaguely resembling a struggle. I'm worried I acted childlishly when I refused to get off the bed. my mom agrees that my grandmother was being overbearing but thinks I should have been more respectful telling her no. AITA?","NTAH. It wasn’t about a mattress cover at all, it was about you trying to hold a very reasonable boundary after a long pattern of control and that reaction says far more about her behavior than yours."
AITAH for making my mom tell me something she didn't want to and getting upset when she did tell me.,"I 16 fem, want to take my boyfriend out on a date. Weve been together for months now and i recently just found out he hasnt seen lord of the rings or the hobbit. Perfect timing, lord of the rings is comign back to theatres for their 25th anniversary and i thought this would be the perfect time to take him. Hes been wanting to see them for forever and i think seeing them in theatres for the first time would be one of the most perfect ways to experience the movies for the first time. And my dad has always boasted about seeing the movies for the first time in theatres when they first came out and saying how wonderful it was, which lowkey makes me really jealous. So i want to make sure my boyfriend has a very good first time watching these movies. 

However, i dont exactly have the money to take him. My parents said if i found a way to get the money i could take him. My boyfriend offered to pay but i feel horrible when he pays for things, he always pays when we go out and it makes me feel horrible and spoiled even though he says he doesnt mind and feels like hes ""not pulling his weight"" in the relationship.

being paid for makes me feel spoiled and rotten and i dont like it. Besides i am not going to make him pay 100 dollars (thats just in tickets) to go see a movie trilogy in theatres, and i want to treat him. So i contacted my aunt and asked her if she had any work for me to do so i could earn some money to take him i told her i needed 100 dollars total and she said she could give me 50 at the most. I told her that works and to drop the money by this week before friday and i will figure out the rest.

Today my mom asked when she would be dropping off the money and i told her either today or tomorrow. My mom grimaced and took a deep breath looking irritated and then asked what time the movie would be at and i told her i would need to be at the mall by 6. She grimaced again and said,

""Well actually, no no nevermind forget i said anything""

I asked her what was wrong and if that was too late for me to be out, because the movie is about 2 and a half hours long. And she told me to just drop it and said nevermind. I told her if she had a problem with me staying out that late i didnt mind. She got mad asking why i was pushing it this much. I told her,

""No offense but you seem very irritated by this and i would like to know why or make sure everything about this is okay and that i can go out""

She said that she could be irritated for her own reasons other than this and just because she spoke irritated to me doesnt mean anything. I told her i know and that i just wanted to make sure because she talked to me very rudely. She then got mad and said,

""You know what, i dont understand why you guys need to go see the movies. I dont see the point in going and seeing them i just dont see the point. But whatever im not gonna tell you not to go, not my money not my time""

I told her she didnt need to be so rude about it especially since i was really excited about this and so was my boyfriend. She pushed saying

""See this is why i didnt want to say anything because i knew it would cause conflict, but you kept pushing even after i told you i didnt want to say it""

She stomped off angry and i was left feeling horrible.

Now i dont want to go at all. My mom obviously doesnt understand and she doesnt seem like she wants me to go, i hate to cancel with my boyfriend especially since hes been so excited to go see them. But my mom made me feel horrible for even wanting to go or treat my boyfriend for a date. My mom knows i already have problems with asking for money even if im working for it and how much courage it took for me to ask my aunt for money since my parents wouldnt be able to pay me before then.

But now i feel horrible and stupid for even wanting to go. AITA","ESH- you for pushing. When someone says drop it, and you choose not to- you’re giving them permission to get rude. 

Your mom for acting like that. You don’t get to make your kids feel bad just because you’re stressed about other stuff. Like she said it’s not her money or her time."
wibtah if i (20f) leave my boyfriend (19m) for his incompetence despite him treating me nicely?,"we have been dating for 6 months now. things are going well in our relationship. but there are a few things that makes me consider ending the relationship:

1. he is lazy, literally.
he spends most of his times video gaming or sleeping. he procrastinate on his assignments and chores, barely cleans his room. he would sleep all chances he gets. 

2. he's not a very competent person...
he's a college student. the first time he showed me his assignment, i immediately knew he was using AI and no paraphrasing either. he even admitted it himself and was pretty ignorant about it. he shrugged it off and just submitted the assignment, no editing. it gave me the ick because why couldn't he at least did a little paraphrasing? he once told me that throughout his highschool years, he had a cheating habit, always cheated on his exams and assignments or even having someone done it for him. then comes the time for his final exam, i did 2 of his take-home exam. he doesn't know how to find resources and references for studying. i did his exam because his grades are falling off and his mom told him that if he doesn't pass the test, he's going to drop out. he doesn't even know how to type in ms. word, in this big year... omfg... mind you his family is rich and educated. he doesn't even know how to edit texts with google docs or ms. word, they would all look messy, just terrible.

3. he's undisciplined.
he doesn't have a sense of urgency, always getting late, shrugging off things. during his final exam week, he would choose to hangout until 2 am or 4 am, that's why i did his exam, i dont want him to fail. he even gets up late  and ended up being late for classes which affects his grades. he doesn't even take notes and listen to what the professors are teaching. when i did his exam, i have 0 resources and references from his classes, i have to search up journals, articles, and ebooks myself. he told me all the time that he needs to lose weight but did nothing to change that.

4. he's ignorant and just uneducated and im tired of teaching him.
he often said slurs intentionally, misunderstanding mental illness when i, his girlfriend, is diagnosed with one :) he wouldn't listen whenever i try to enlighten him about the topics he's talking about. he would just end up mansplaining all over again, repeating what i told him word for word. 


but, he treats me good, he would buy me stuff, he always apologized. he does the bare minimum and even the biggest effort for me, he's pretty selfless when it comes to me. the whole final exam thing is my offer, im the one who offered to help. he would do the most for me. it's just his way of living that i dislike. should i leave? or should i stay? i dont want to ruin things between us","Being kind is bare minimum. You can’t build a future with someone you have to drag through basic adult tasks. You’re not wrong for wanting a partner, not a project"
AITAH for not liking my mums husbands dog?,"Bit of a backstory, my mum has been married to this man for 18 years (who I once referred to as my stepdad), about a year and a half ago we found out he’d been cheating on my mum for over a year
All feelings of love I had towards that man disappeared the moment I found out
They are currently still together but are going through separation as we speak (hallelujah) 

He bought a dog which he claimed was a gift for my mum 2 weeks before this news came to light
Ever since the dog has been in our house, both my mum and I have despised the dog because the reason he bought it was because of guilt for the fact he did this to my mum 
He hasn’t trained this dog nor does he wash it, it’s an absolute nuisance and I hate it 
I love animals of all kind but I can’t stand this dog 
Am I the asshole? ",You dont hate the dog you hate what the dog represent. İts natural for you and your mother to feel this way NTA but this dog has nothing to do with your moms will be ex husbands actions so it would be best for you guys to give the dog to someone who will love it if you keep hating it 
AITAH for telling my best friend I got a puppy for my son,"So I (26f) and my bf (25f) have been friends for about 9 to 10 years. I have a son who is 3 years, and I don't have friends who have kids but my bf we will call her (p) has always been a good and supportive friend. And my son who doesn't go to school or daycare doesn't have any friends and I thought he would love a puppy cause what kid wouldn't. Btw we do have (2 dogs) but they are old and can't play with my son like he would like. 

So I started looking around for a puppy and I found one who was free in my area. So me and my fiance went to go meet the puppy, she was amazing and sweet. We wanted to surprise my son ( he was definitely excited ) and I thought I would tell my bf and she tells me that I am immature and shouldn't be getting a puppy if I can't take care of it. ( tbf I was in-between jobs) but I have money saved up and it wasn't really and issue. 

But she is lashing out at me and calling me an asshole, immature and other things and how she personally doesn't care about stuff like that and to not tell her. I tried asking what her problem was, but she was being just super bitchy so I decided to just leave the convo before things might escalade more. But I am just at a loss. we have always been super close and I have helped her so many times ( when she had no one else) and this is how she wants to treat me? So AITAH for telling my best friend that I got a puppy for my son?

Can post updates ","NTA. You got your son a puppy, not a thermonuclear reactor!"
AITAH for being uncomfortable and getting aggravated at my Dad?,"I (13m) have been really into roller skating recently, I met this girl I'll call Gigi. This other dude kept hitting on her and being over-all odd in general. Gigi made it very clear that she was a lesbian, but he kept going. Later I left and when I got back home, I told my dad about it since it was real odd. I mentioned she asked for my number (so we could keep in touch and such), and because of that my dad kept insisting she liked me and kept giving excuses and it made me real mad. This isn't just because of that, it's also because I'm in the closet and haven't come out and it makes me feel less excepted. (sorry for bad writing lol, I can give more clarification in comments)",[removed]
I told my brother in-law this is America AITAH,"So this happened over the weekend it’s been almost a week. So to start off me and my family were making tamales and my brother in law had his cousin over and they were drinking, me and my family were doing our thing and my in law starts making comments on how we’re doing our tamales. They wouldn’t stop so we got fed up and said you can talk a lot but won’t make them so please stop, they didn’t I already had a headache from school and my in law being drunk and loud really didn’t help. So this kept going and they speak Spanish and kept talk trash in Spanish I understand it but don’t speak it like my sisters. I ended up making my this is America comment and it truly did come out of nowhere. I understand that I was truly in the wrong with this comment and I have no doubt about it. Here’s where I might be the asshole my sister came to talk to be about it and she wants me to apologize and I intend to because I did disrespect him and it was uncalled for, but at the same time that was nothing compared to what him and his family say about me.i feel like he should know that he kinda had it coming and i do not feel fully regret full for my actions. A little background I am white passing I am Hispanic and Native American but you wouldn’t be able to tell from my skin tone so they all assume. I also have what most would call Chinese eyes even though I don’t it’s just a racist remark I get all the time and other comments about my features that are actually racist, along with him also being closed mined to our own version of Spanish. Where I’m from we have a mix of Spanish and a few native languages which he states isn’t real Spanish since he knows Mexican Spanish. I find it stupid that I have to basically kiss ass for one remark but sit down and stay quite every time they same something that I am self conscious of or say something about my own ethnicity without even actually knowing me. I have made it very clear that I understand what they say I just refuse

 to be annoyed in more that one language.AITAH for not feeling truly sorry about my comment? ","So they can talk trash but can't take it or make Tamales? NTA OP if they can't take it, then don't dish it out. Also they were TA for speaking a language that not everyone in the room can speak, specifically excluding you and talking trash about you which you knew, everyone knows when someone is shit talking them. That makes them a bigger AH than you could ever be by pointing out a literal fact about your location."
AITAH for thinking my husband is at work getting aroused by women there,My husband came home from work today telling me he has blue balls and that he can't wait to see me in leggings later and I dont even wear leggings. It was really weird. Then I was like how were you aroused at work what happened? He told me that's not what blue balls ment and I looked it up and I was right and then I explained to him i thought it was weird he said that to me and wanted to see me in leggings and he just ignored me and went to sit on the couch and did not speak to me the rest of the night. ,"Blue balls means a man got extremely aroused but couldn't climax. 

It's a very weird thing for him to say. It's possible he doesn't totally get the meaning."
AITAH for not answering questions my partner could figure out?,"Hi folks - going to try and pose this as unbiased as possible! I truly just want to know if I’m being the asshole here. 

My partner and I have been together for quite a few years, living together for most of them now. We met when we were in uni. We are generally really good, but have a disagreement about a specific topic. 

My partner (M) often asks me (F) questions regarding the household, cooking, and other shared things, that I often see as us both being able to either figure out or that we should both know. I don’t want to get too specific but it could be questions about what’s in the fridge, how to make something, where an item is in the house, etc. 

I have started feeling a bit annoyed by these questions, because I feel that it often takes me time and energy to then remember these things and convey the answer. 

My partner feels very differently and gets upset if I don’t choose to share information with him. He feels that a core part of relationships is sharing information and learning from each other. I totally want to emphasize that in our relationship too, but for some reason, I don’t see how me telling him household/kitchen/calendar stuff is learning from one another. If it was a more niche topic that I knew & made sense for him not to know, I’d be super down! But this just feels a bit like laziness sometimes. 

But maybe I’m just being an asshole! Genuinely can’t tell and happy to hear different perspectives on this. Please advise Reddit! ","So it depends on a few things. 

Is he asking basic things like “How do I boil water?” Or is he asking things like “How do I make the Sunday roast taste exactly how your family makes it?” 

Is he genuinely asking or is there weaponized incompetence happening?

I have autism and adhd and I have to genuinely ask my girlfriend questions consistently - though they’re mostly clarifying questions. Part of my adhd is a “if I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist” thing and I do genuinely forget where I put items or what we have in the fridge. 

Being annoyed does not make you an asshole, at all. 

I would have a conversation with him and explain how it feels and brainstorm ways to preemptively help him. 

You two could write down recipes together, after a big grocery shop he could take photos of the inside of the fridge to be able to see what’s there, etc. 

If you explain this all to him and offer to help on different ways and he still reacts like you’re doing something wrong or gets upset - I’d say HE wbtah."
AITAH for not letting my daughter’s dad take her suddenly a day before my holiday?,"My ex fling Mark (26) and I (19) had a one night stand about a year ago. I gave birth not too long ago to our daughter, Crystal.

Mark was not at the birth, even though I told him when I went into labour. During the pregnancy we spent the full nine months talking, planning, and discussing what we would do once she was born. We got on really well and had a sort of platonic relationship afterwards. I genuinely believed he would be a good dad and that we might eventually build a life together.

He told me he wanted me to keep Crystal because he had always wanted a child and had never found someone to have one with. I do not regret keeping her, but I do wish he was more present and helped me more.

After she was born he slowly started ignoring me and stopped answering my calls. I tried contacting him multiple times, including when I was meant to go to my grandma’s funeral, but he never answered and was somehow never at home.

When Crystal had colic and would not stop crying, I rang and even went to his house because he was supposed to have her that weekend. He did not answer then either, even after making multiple promises that he would take her. After a while I gave up calling.

About a year ago my friend Ellie (20) and I booked a small holiday in the UK to a quiet log cabin style area near Scotland. We booked it before I even knew I was pregnant and we are leaving tomorrow. It is a long road trip.

Today Mark suddenly started calling me nonstop after finding out that Ellie and I were going away and that Crystal was coming with us. He said that if we were drinking all weekend then he would take Crystal because it would not be safe for a baby.

For context, I am not going away to drink. I planned to before I got pregnant but obviously that changed. I do not mind not drinking at all. I did it for nine months and I can do it for three days. Ellie is also bringing her slightly older daughter, so she will not be drinking either. She even bought Crystal a new car seat for the trip.

Mark then said that he never gets time with Crystal and that it is my fault because he gets sick of me calling and thought I only wanted his money. I have never once asked him for money and he has never given me anything for Crystal or paid any form of child support.

Now, right before we are meant to leave, he suddenly wants time with her. Part of me feels guilty because he is her dad and she deserves one, but he has not really been there at all. Everything is packed, plans are set, and this trip has been organised for a long time.

When I tried to explain all of this to him, he argued with me, left me on read, and even hung up on me.

So am I the asshole for not wanting him to suddenly take her now? Is it even my choice considering how uninvolved he has been?

Edit: I posted a picture of me and crystal on my profile so you all can see I am NOT a bad mother 😭😭","Take Crystal on your trip. You don't owe him anything. When you get back establish child support. Crystal deserves a man who steps up and comes through every time, not a once in awhile dad who comes and goes in and out of her life. 

NTA"
AITAH for cutting ties with my mom and sisters,"I'll try to keep this as brief as possible.

I have two sisters, one older and one younger. The younger sister has three boys (6, 4, newborn), the older sister has two boys (13 and 6) and I have one boy (4).

The younger sister's middle boy is 2 months older than mine. He has always been a bully and is worse when he has the back-up of his older brother (6). At first, I thought this was targeted at my son. My son is quite docile and polite - not at all violent.

At Easter last year, we were just finished an egg hunt and my husband witnessed the 6yo cousin push my son down and when he tried to stand back up, the 4yo cousin punched him in the face, sending him back down to the ground. My husband was very upset by this and yelled at the 4yo cousin. My sister came running up, screaming at my husband to stay away from her kid. We promptly left.

My sister tries to maintain a picturesque perception of her household. Well, her boyfriend (father of the newborn but not the other two) has let it slip a few times that the 4yo is not only violent towards our son. They tried to get him in to wrestling/karate/combat sports to ""get that energy out"" as apparently he's had violence issues at school that are going unresolved. Since we had been made aware of that, I was satisfied that they were at least aware and taking some form of action (whether or not I agree with the strategy for correcting this behavior is neither here nor there, but you can guess...)

Therefore, I was okay with going back to their house for a Thanksgiving gathering. It was a very chaotic evening with toys covering the floors of every room that the kids were playing in, NERF darts flying everywhere, screaming, etc. The 4yo cousin was blatantly running around punching people, adults and children alike. I did ask him a few times to ""stop the violence"" in a nice but stern tone. It was mostly FUN play - until my husband witnessed another act of violence against our son. While playing in one of the boys' rooms, my son was found hiding under a chair from the other two boys and the 4yo cousin had the collar of my son's shirt in his grip, choking him while trying to pull him out from under the chair. My husband picked up the 4yo cousin and set him down behind him to get to my son. When he set the cousin down, he accidentally set him down on top of a large dinosaur toy that hurt his side. The 4yo cousin started crying and ran downstairs to my sister saying that my husband ""threw him."" They were then closed up in my sister's bedroom for nearly 10 minutes. Seeing no resolution, we promptly left.

Two days later, my mother calls me. She calls once or twice a year so that she can die feeling like she was a decent parent. It starts with ""Hey... I heard what happened. He (my husband) really shouldn't have put his hands on (insert 4yo cousin name)."" I lost my cool on the phone. This was my breaking point after a series of instances where there was no empathy for our household and the other was being blindly supported. I felt she was instantly taking the only side of the story she had heard and not using her own discernment to recognize that there was no malintent towards the 4yo cousin.

Then I get a long text message from my younger sister (the bully cousin's mom) accusing my husband of ""getting physical"" with the 4yo and that her ""kids will not be around (my) husband again."" She was also threatening legal action via the two boys' biological dad.

Bio dad calls my husband and is the only one actually willing to hear his side of the story and is fully understanding that the 4yo's bullying behavior was out-of-line and did not condemn my husband's response of separating the two boys. My husband feels terrible that there was a collateral injury, but it was not intentional.

Neither my older sister nor my mom have reached out to me to check in on this situation, bridge the gap, provide support, make sure my son is okay, nothing. They went on and had Christmas and a birthday party without us hearing a peep about it. I only found out because they all shared photos of these gatherings online.

AITAH to cut these people out of our lives? My biggest concern is my son's relationships with his cousins. He still loves them and asks about them and, while I think a relationship between them is more harmful than helpful right now, I have hopes that the boys will grow out of the violent behavior eventually. However, I'm not sure that I can ever forget the betrayal and isolation that I feel at the hand of my own grown family.",Honestly this is one of those protect your kid first situations. The betrayal hurts but your son comes before keeping the family group chat alive.
AITAH because I told my wife she needs to get out of her lease with her ex-husband at the end of it?,"Long story short, we were married, divorced, and during that time she got her own place with her daughter and her ex husband moved in downstairs to help with rent. Says there is zero chance of anything happening between them, although when we got back together I had a feeling he was there with high hopes and ended up telling her he was in love with her and wanted more even though they have been divorced for over 12 years. Anyways, I knew he was there going into the rekindled relationship and expected that once this lease was up that would be it and she would get her own place. I told her if she doesn’t start looking for her own place she won’t be able to move when the lease is up and she recently said she actually wants to speak to him about going month to month until she can find the “right” house for her and her daughter. This was even after I told her I don’t feel comfortable at this point with them living together. When we first started going back together I would come over at night and spend time with her, not seeing him. But over the last few months I haven’t stepped foot into her house because she said she won’t inconvenience him to have to stay downstairs. So it all seems odd that I can’t even go there anymore. She comes to my house at times but since it’s the house we divorced in, she says she doesn’t like coming here either. She has started new restrictions like, I can’t text her in the morning to say hi because it gives her anxiety when I do, making her feel like she has to respond immediately. She won’t stop by just to say hi. Physical touch has been twice in three months, which she also said she hasn’t wanted it for a while because of the grief she’s been dealing with from the loss of a close family member. Barely likes any physical touch, will only peck kisses. I can’t even joke about being physical with her…thoughts??","Are you married or not? Because I can’t tell. You said you got married and divorced.  So why are you calling her your wife? Why are you living separately and why is she living with her ex ex-husband?

None of this makes any sense"
AITAH for saying no to my BF having s3x w/his ex in front of me?,"Background: we've both wanted a threesome with another girl. If we couldn't find another girl who was bi/bi-curious then I would try being in the room and watching him with someone to see if I like that. My guidelines with all of it were the girl had to be a stranger and never the same person twice.

Current: I recently made a dinner date with someone to see if the three of us have chemistry. The dinner date is the 1/20.  Today my BF texts me (while I'm in class after working all day) saying that his ex gf/fwb (she wanted more and he was considering it before they broke up and he and I became exclusive) contacted him wanting s3x again. Apparently he told her he's with me but maybe I'd be OK with it if I watched. 

I told him ""No"" because they were considering being exclusive and I know she wanted more, that I felt that would be too risky in regards to emotions getting involved. He didn't respond, so I asked if he was mad and he said he was ""bummed"" but he understood. 

Now I feel like the bad person. But deep down I'm deeply hurt that he would even think it would be OK to consider it himself, let alone ask me - and right during my class! And then to be ""bummed"" that he can't have s3x with her?! WTF  He barely has s3x with me and I want it all.the.time. 😭

Am I overreacting? AITAH?
I feel so self-conscious now. I don't know what to do with this.
🥺",Asking to fuck his emotionally invested ex? Huge red flag. Your boundaries are valid.
AITAH for telling my neighbor not to walk with me?,"I need to preface this by saying I am a very sociable guy. My wife and I both are very neighborly. We know everyone that lives on our street, all the other dog owners in the neighborhood and most of the people that live on our dog walking path. We are absolutely that lame couple that stands in the driveway for two hours chatting with the neighbors about whether or not plastic flowers are tacky. We're friendly people.

Today after work I took our ten month old son with me to walk our dogs. While we were walking we came across a woman we don't know walking. She asked me about my son and what his name was. I was happy to answer and walk with her. She is probably 20+ years older than me, and I know often older people just want to chat. The conversation kept getting weird though.

It's hard to explain why the conversation was odd just by typing it out. Normally I'll talk about anything. I'm an open book, and nothing is taboo to me. It wasn't just what she said, it was the way she said things. She asked me where my son's name came from. I said the bible. She asked if I believe in God. I said I do. She asked me how long I've believed in God. I said I wasn't sure. I can't remember that far back. She asked me what my earliest memory was, and she really pressed me when I didn't recall. The whole time there was an odd tension in the air. Even the dogs seemed stressed.

After what felt like a long and very stressful conversation I asked which way she was headed (so I could take the opposite route). She said she was just walking for her health and would go with me. I told her I wanted to walk alone for a bit. I could tell her feelings were hurt. I tried to apologize. She said she just wanted to chat and she was sorry.

I feel like such an asshole. She was a socially awkward older lady, and I made her feel bad. Yet even though I feel really guilty, part of me feels justified. Am I the asshole for being so rude to someone probably just trying to make a friend in her new neighborhood?","NTA, vibes are very telling. Trusting their gut gets people out of potentially bad situations!"
AITAH for considering a restraining order against my dad?,"I’m a woman in my early 30s and I live independently with no financial or legal dependence on my parents.

I recently went no contact with my family after realizing a long-standing pattern of childhood abuse, boundary violations, and controlling behavior. There has been no physical abuse since I was a child, and really a handful of incidents and only two to me (a remote thrown at me in the back and then a cup smashed in my face while I was drinking, I fell to the floor, then screamed at to clean it up and go to my room for hours before an “apology”) but the emotional and psychological dynamics never fully stopped, I am realizing, unless I am paranoid?

My parents were not together when I was born, mother has schizophrenia and only a fifth grade education and so my dad got custody. When I was very young my stepmom and two stepsisters moved in. Growing up, my household involved physical abuse a few times toward me and siblings, threat once that I saw of physical abuse to my stepmom (he had his fist hauled back), animal abuse and neglect, emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse, and anger and intimidation. I always felt my stepmom was hostile towards me, and when I would tell her she didn’t treat me well, she would shout or say with aggression that my mom put that shit in my head and that it was all in my head. Now my siblings act like I’m brainwashed by my mom to not like my stepmom and am mentally ill. When I protested her a couple of times, my dad responded with the physical abuse (remote and cup). My mom told my dad that my stepmom doesn’t treat me well and needed to be removed but he said it was fine.

I had no advocate in the family and learned to stay quiet, small, and invisible to avoid being targeted. Then my family said I was antisocial and withdrawn and were upset about that. As an adult, I moved out and things appeared decent on the surface, but my dad remained very critical, intrusive, and controlling. He asks about my schedule (just like what are you doing today/tonight/this weekend or got any plans?), pushes for specifics on my finances, asks about my car all the time and plans, and frequently offered money or help in ways that felt like leverage rather than support. I could be wrong though? And I feel like nothing I do is right and he’s always critical and has to be right, even though I’m doing well in life, I’m treated like I’m not. People say I’m way too hard on myself, I have a college degree and support myself.

Recently, I realized that both of my parents were not respecting my autonomy. My mom has schizophrenia and severe boundary issues, and my dad has always acted entitled to access to my life. I needed real space for my mental health. My mom had shared financial and car info I didn’t want my dad to know after I asked her not to, and then I said to leave me alone, and over the next week I got about 10 texts and 10 calls pleading me to forgive and talk to her etc. 

I did not announce that I was going no contact. I simply changed my phone number and email and stopped responding. I told my dad once, “Sorry, I’ve been taking a break from being on my phone,” because he was contacting me a lot and seemed frustrated when I didn’t reply quickly enough. I told my mom directly, “I’ve asked for space. Please stop contacting me. I will reach out when I’m ready.” I assume my mom shared this with my dad. They talk and my mom has no boundaries and tells him everything I say. I didn’t tell him directly because I feared he would argue, escalate, or try to reassert control.

Within one week of changing my number, my father escalated in ways that scared me.

On a Monday, he showed up unannounced at my workplace while I was at lunch. He told my boss that I had changed my number, asked whether I had been showing up to work, asked what my schedule was, and asked what time I get off. My workplace found this concerning enough that they alerted others to watch for him and asked me whether my safety or their safety was at risk. My boss only confirmed that I had been coming to work and told him he could do a welfare check if he wanted. I had told her prior that I was limiting contact with family and if they show up I don’t want contact.

That same day after that, my father went to my apartment building and knocked on a neighbor’s door asking if she had seen me. He told her he was my father and asked her to call him if she saw me and asked for the address (it’s the same address as my apartment, just a different unit). My neighbor felt uncomfortable enough to leave me a note warning me and said she intentionally gave him a wrong address for safety reasons.

I was not missing, not in danger, and had not asked for help. I simply needed space. I am an adult who lives alone and supports myself.

While I am not in immediate danger right now, this escalation triggered intense fear. My therapist is very concerned about my safety and advised me to document everything and call the police non-emergency line for guidance. I have done that. I have also contacted domestic abuse hotlines, but they mostly said the decision is up to me. Some said maybe he just wanted to make sure I was okay since I ghosted.

I have installed security cameras, bought mace, and have a friend who will let me stay with them if needed. I feel scared being at home and at work. But maybe I’m overreacting? My lease is not up until May, but if I could, I would move far away and never have contact with my family again. They seem to have no respect or love or care for me.

What makes this confusing is that on the surface my relationship with my dad seemed “okay.” He can be funny and warm at family events and plays well with his grandchildren. But privately, I find him critical, intrusive, and controlling. I recently realized that he often tries to make me doubt myself and positions himself as the authority over my life. Similar to my sister, who I don’t talk to. He got angry and said, “Now why aren’t you talking to your sister?!” And said since I didn’t come to Thanksgiving, I WAS coming to Christmas (I didn’t want to and didn’t). There is also a history of him offering money, car repairs, and mentioning his will in ways that now feel like attempts to maintain control. Maybe not though?

Some people I’ve spoken to say he was “just worried about me.” But a worried parent does not ask for work schedules, show up unannounced at a job, or knock on neighbors’ doors after losing access. That feels like tracking, not concern. Right?

I’m not trying to punish him. I just want safety and peace.

My dilemma is what to do next. I’m considering sending one clear message stating that he is not to contact me, come to my workplace or apartment, or contact anyone who knows me, and that further attempts will be considered harassment, and then blocking him. I’m also considering not contacting him at all and pursuing a restraining or no-contact order based on his behavior. Another option is doing nothing yet and seeing if the behavior stops.

I’m afraid that contacting him at all could escalate things, but I’m also afraid that silence makes him feel justified in tracking me down.

For context, this is not a healthy or close relationship. I thought it was decent and fine, but really I always feel so annoyed when either parent contacts me and asks what I’m doing or demands I answer their calls. There is a long pattern of control, criticism, and boundary violations, and significant childhood abuse. No one has ever reported him for his past violence, and my family has largely normalized it. I have no real allies in my family, and my friendships are limited, which makes this even scarier.

I’m asking whether I would be wrong or overreacting to consider a restraining order. I’m also hoping to hear from people who have dealt with stalking, harassment, or coercive family dynamics, especially in situations involving parents and adult children. I’m trying to make the safest choice and I’m genuinely unsure what that is. Maybe I should send an explicit message on my Google voice number and tell them I am safe and to kit contact or show up? Do I sound irrational and paranoid? Is this weird behavior? ","NTAH. Showing up at your work, questioning your coworkers and canvassing your neighbors crosses from concern into behavior that would understandably make anyone feel unsafe, especially given the history you describe."
AITAH for questioning how my partner shows support?,"I’m trying to get an outside perspective because I’m not sure if I’m being unfair or ungrateful.

I (F33) am dealing with a difficult period in my life right now, and my boyfriend (M27) has been helping me financially in very limited ways. I do appreciate that help and I’ve acknowledged it multiple times. This is not about him owing me money or me feeling entitled to his money.

The issue is how support shows up.

From what I’ve noticed over time, support from him tends to happen only in very specific situations:

1: During a crisis or a problem that needs assistance.

2: On special occasions.

3: Or when the reason for money feels justified only to him.

Outside of those situations, there’s a lot of resistance or questioning, even when what I’m asking for is small. And I RARELY ask for anything at all.

I know some people might ask “Well, he helps in emergencies, so what’s the issue?”

The issue is when support only shows up during crises, or special occasions, it makes me feel like I’m only valued or supported when something is wrong. It feels like I have to be struggling, or have a reason that’s justifiable only to him, in order to receive care.

I want a partner who ALSO feels good seeing me happy, supported, and cared for even when nothing is wrong.. for MY wants, for ease, for “just because” moments, for leisure.

I don’t want to be seen only through my struggles.

I want a partnership where care exists even when I’m simply okay.

What feels off to me is that what counts as a need, or what’s worth supporting, is filtered entirely through what he deems valid.

Again. When something doesn’t align with what he considers worthwhile, or when it’s simply for my enjoyment, it’s often met with resistance or questioning, even if it’s small or minimal.

Support tends to show up when it aligns with how he believes support should work, when it makes sense within his own framework, It doesn’t feel very responsive to me as a partner so much as it feels structured around what HE personally finds valid or meaningful.

So I asked him, “if my life were to become back stable tomorrow.. no crisis, no emergency, nothing that needs to be fixed.. How would you show up for me? What does support look like then?”

I’d also like to add:

Even then, crisis-related support isn’t guaranteed. It’s still selective, and there are times when help doesn’t fully show up or doesn’t resolve the situation. That’s part of what’s made me reflect on the dynamic.. support feels conditional not only outside of crises, but even within them.

I will elaborate more within the comment section.","You’re in the right, wanting consistent, unconditional support doesn’t make you demanding.. it makes you human"
"Me and my mom almost made someone cry, AITAH?","I’m really sleepy and English is my second language so I apologize in advance, also all of this was said in our native language so it might seem fake written down in English. 

So Yesterday my mom was wearing a tiny bit of lipstick that suited her really well, this woman who we’ve known for years made a snarky comment saying that it doesn’t suit her and how she’s being such an attention seeker (my mom is gorgeous and everything looks great on her, she got a ton of compliments that day) Even though she was the one who was wearing ten pounds of makeup.

Me and my mom tried to ignore her at first, we were really used to her comments. Anyways she kept going on and on. My mom got tired of it and told her “I’m only wearing lipstick and look way better than you, you’re the one who’s wearing a ton of makeup and look like an ogre.” My mother then pulled out her phone and told her to look at the difference, everyone started laughing including the lady’s best friends and guess what? She started tearing up and trying to de-escalate the situation. 

She tried to do the same thing to me later and I sarcastically complimented her makeup and she was on the verge of tears. I get that me and my mom went a little overboard but this woman is literally so annoying and always picking on people, even if it’s a five year old girl she has something negative to say. But I do feel bad though, my mom raised me to always be kind to everyone and it was the first time I insulted someone like that,and I feel like the phone thing was a bit much. AITAH? ","This woman absolutely asked for it. She verbally attacked your mother--this wasn't even criticism, this was personal insults and haranguing. Your mother did nothing to invite this. She was patient. You were patient. This woman would Not Shut Up, she just kept attacking and being hostile. 

And once wasn't enough. She couldn't break your mother down so she tried it with you, even after she got lessoned. This woman is NUTS. 

How on earth could you imagine you were the asshole here? NTA"
AITAH for not sending an apology text?,"Trying this again because it was removed. Not sure why? 

CW - miscarriage.

This is a long one purely for back story. Apologies in advance!

Start of December 2024 I find out I’m pregnant, the same day I end up in hospital because I’m in so much pain. Docs say it’s likely ectopic so I need scans every week. We finally find out it’s a viable pregnancy (yay) and 2 days later I start bleeding really heavily, so much so I thought I’d had a miscarriage. Next scan shows I’m still pregnant but have a massive blood clot. Advised to rest. 3 weeks after resting I lost my baba 😞💔

I’ve been heartbroken and beating myself up in many different ways. I also push feelings down and get on with things so I’ve had mini breakdowns here and there because I’ve not really dealt with my grief properly.

Around the due date my partner and I had planned a trip. He was laid off from his job so didn’t have money or savings for us to go away. Fine. Life muddles on and I’m still trying to process my grief.

December rolls around and we’re invited to spend Christmas with his family (who I love and get on great with) I say to my partner I can’t deal with Christmas this year and would prefer to be alone the 2 of us and we don’t have to pretend, we can just be. He didn’t agree (won’t go into that conversation as it’s probably a whole other post)

On the back of this conversation we had a massive argument and I said I needed time and space. He kept pressuring me about Xmas so I just said I won’t be going anymore regardless of us making up, I’m going to have a chill day. Then no one is cancelling last min. I said please pass on I’m sorry for cancelling, appreciate the invite, hope you all have a great day.

Want to add here I’ve a very mentally and physically demanding job and burnt out in December so I need the peace when I finally got it.

Alls well and good, we make up and sort things which brings us to today’s argument. Apparently I’m ignorant and selfish because I didn’t send a text cancelling? Or a merry Christmas text? I didn’t get any either. I’m autistic and have ADHD, have I been massively ignorant and missed something or is this emotional manipulation?

Reddit, AITAH? Give it to me straight…

ETA - December was very triggering for me because of what was happening the year before. Constant stream of stress and scans praying everything would Be ok. Also meant to be our first Xmas as a family of 3. I didn’t have it in me to fake smile by the 19th never mind the 25th.","NTAH. Given the grief and how clearly you communicated your need for space, not sending a separate text doesn’t read as selfish so much as someone doing the best they could during an overwhelming time."
AITAH - For sending an anonymous message,"I sent an anonymous message to an ex friend saying that her boyfriend of 5 years is cheating on her. 

Backstory: I used to be best friends/coworkers with this person, I’ll call her Sarah. We ended up having a falling out when she started dating her current boyfriend (the one I’m referring to). Basically, she didn’t want to continue our friendship after she started showing up late to work, because she was hanging out with her boyfriend instead of coming to work on time. I called her out, and she decided to end our friendship - this is a very loose summary. 

Anyway, we no longer work together. However, another person I work with, we will call her Ashley, is very close with Sarah’s boyfriend. Sarah’s boyfriend used to always flirt with Ashley in group chats, and we all thought he was somewhat kidding. He is a very sarcastic guy, and would often act immature/joke around. Recently, Ashley told me that Sarah’s boyfriend had been sending her dick pics, asking her to come over when Sarah isn’t home, and generally trying to get her to cheat with him.

Because I still believe Sarah is a good, loyal, honest person, I felt compelled to inform her that her boyfriend is not being faithful of her. However, due to our falling out, I sent an anonymous message. 

All I said in the message is that I am sorry to be the one to say this, but her boyfriend has not been faithful to her. I told her I do not have evidence, but that if it were me, I’d want to know. I explained what Ashley told me, loosely, and that she can do what she pleases with that information. I deleted the anonymous texting app, and said nothing else. 

I know Ashely wasn’t lying, I know Sarah’s boyfriend is a dirt bag. But everyone else I’ve talked to said they wouldn’t have told Sarah. I realize it’s not my relationship, but if I know someone’s being cheated on why wouldn’t I say anything? AITAH?
","NTA

Sarah deserves to know. Particularly as it is being openly discussed behind her back."
WIBTAH if I lie to my friend and cause her to miss her dream concert?,"I have friend I'll call sophia, I have been friends with her for the past 8 years. We have been in a trio with another girl, I'll call stella for the past 6 years, although I've been friends with stella for 12 years and eventually introduced the two to each other which led to our trio. Sophia and I have both been long time fans of the same artist (which ironically I introduced her to), stella is also a fan but listens more casually than sophia and I. Once sophia began liking said artist, we both would talk about wanting to go to their concert for years but couldn't. They are touring soon, and typically I would go with my aunt to concerts and since my friends wanted to go, I mentioned VERY casually that maybe I could have all of us go with my aunt as a chaperone. Sophia took it VERY seriously and would text me constantly about how I should talk to my aunt as soon as I could, I reluctantly did because while sophia was my friend, I felt bad for asking my aunt to be in charge of ticketing and chaperoning all of us. Despite sophia begging me to ask my aunt and my aunt agreeing, she continued with asking me if she should try ticketing on her own, which I asked if it was just for her or for us three, she specified that she wanted to get tickets for only stella and herself. I got super annoyed because my aunt was going out of her way to get tickets for us and plan everything and if sophia got tickets for her and stella, not only would I be left out of our friend group, but my aunt would have two extra tickets and it would be up to her to resell them or figure something out with the tickets. I feel even worse because my aunt is just trusting me enough to trust my friends to pay her back and this is what sophia is doing. 

Along with this concert situation, for the past 2 or 3 years, sophia has seemed very open about disliking me, so much so that it makes stella uncomfortable along with many of our shared friends. She has openly excluded me from hangouts by asking stella specifically, and when stella mentions inviting me, she steps in and makes excuses for me, saying things like I am probably working, and when she has asked me if I was working it was only so she knew that she could get a discount from where I work rather than spend time with me. Some other examples of her disliking me would be yelling at me in front of others during dance practices for doing something wrong when the choreographer herself did not mention anything I was doing wrong and she had no power or reason to call me out. She has only gotten more blunt to the point of genuinely asking whats wrong with me in front of our shared friends and even went further to talk poorly of me to our shared friends that I introduced to her, saying I was so bad at my job that I would lose my job within 2 weeks, how I was not good enough to major in dance like I considered and how she wanted to cut me off but didn't want me to get depressed without having any friend left (which I assume she assumed everyone would follow her lead and cut me out too). 

Stella, along with some of our shared friends have become victims to sophia's trash talking but they all admitted what sophia has said to me and how it was much worse for me than anyone else in our group. In many of those cases, my friends changed the conversation from sophia talking about me and/or tried defending me. There are many things sophia has done that I am uncomfortable with and don't agree with but I kept talking to her briefly for the sake of the rest of the group until we all realized she was talking badly about all of us to each other. We all don't really know how to approach the situation so we're all just taking it as it comes.

But back to the concert tickets, I feel like even though sophia has done so much to my friend group, and apparently especially me, it would be wrong of me for thinking of lying and saying I couldn't get tickets for her (I would likely only end up going with my aunt, not even stella because I don't want to drag her into what I want to do and she isn't bothered by not going) so I don't have to go with her. But considering the artist, she likely won't be able to get tickets if my aunt can't, leaving her to miss one of her favorite artists that she's been dreaming of seeing for years. But at the same time, I feel like I'm being used by sophia as she only acts nicely when she wants something, otherwise she ignores me or blows up at me.

So, WIBTH to cause my friend to miss the concert of her dreams? Is it okay for me to crush one of her dreams for revenge?","No you would not be TA, but you need to learn to chose your friends better. She’s clearly not even a friend, why is she still allowed to come to the friend group if no one likes her?

Losing possible access to an artist won’t be the end of the world for her - even if she WILL act like it - and she also caused this on herself. If the truth ever needs to come out, just be honest. She’s been treating you poorly, she’s been treating your friends poorly, how can she assume she’s going to get tickets to an event when she’s behaving like a spoiled brat?

NTA, but start cutting her off in general. With friends like that, who needs enemies?"
AITAH for terminating my unplanned pregnancy with my bf of 9 months.,"My bf(27) broke up with me (24) after 9 months together because I decided to terminate our unplanned pregnancy. 

We had been together for 9 months and he had been unemployed for 8 months bc he lost his job from being late. He has 10k in bank account and 10k in crypto. He was sure he was ready to be a father saying he would get a job right away but the job he got he had to score fake pee to pass the drug test. He said he would do anything for me and the baby but was verbally abusing me when I told him I didn’t want a baby yet. He told me he wish he never met me. That I’m extremely rude. That I’m killing his baby. That he wants me to have it and he will raise it without me until he meets a woman steps up. That he wants a DNA test. 

I have been planning to start a full time xray program this fall for two years. He knows I’ve been working hard on prerequisites and this is my dream career. If I have the baby I won’t be able to start the program for another year. I also told him awhile back I was not near ready for a kid for a few more years. I never told him I wanted it. I feel as if I have it the verbal abuse would get worse, we would separate and the baby and I would have a hard life full of court and debt. 

Now his mom is texting me paragraphs on how I should keep it and I will regret it and I’m not considering her son’s feelings. She’s sent me videos of abortion and says he has every right to break up with me. 

AITAH for feeling like he should have stayed with me so we could have a marriage and then a baby in the future. AITAH for not keeping this baby? 

Edit to original post: Thanks to everyone for sharing their advice and even those who were brave to speak of their abortion experience or regrets.

I see a lot of comments of how and why would you want to stay with him and it’s because I loved him even when people aren’t the best love still prevails so yeah. But I now know what I deserve in my life. 

Also a lot of people calling him a druggie: he told me fake pee was needed because he drank a thc drink before we found out I was pregnant and he wanted to ensure that he would get the job. As for if he was smoking , I wouldn’t know bc we didn’t live together but he told me he doesn’t do drugs anymore(used to be an addict 5 years ago)",NTA. But seriously he did you a favor by breaking up with you. Unemployed for 8/9 months you've been together. Cries to mommy about your relationship. Verbally abuses you and threatens to take your child. What a winner.
AITAH for wanting wedding talk out of the group chat,"I’m in a large friend group groupchat of 15 gals who went to school together. We’re all in late 30s. One member is getting married this summer and we are happy for her! I like the guy! She is very openly talking about it in the chat. Stuff like “what weekends are ppl free for bachelorette?”, “add to our wedding Spotify playlist”. Even asking people to help her with the wedding logistics (picking up stuff from the suburbs from marketplace she is buying for the event etc.)

The thing is… not everyone in the chat is invited to the wedding. I am not, and neither are at least 5 others in the chat. We make side chats all the time for stuff like bachelorette viewing nights or hikes or other events mentioned in the chat but that not everyone is participating in…  I’m not mad about no invite (she is entitled to invite whoever she wants on her special day and I have a strict no stress policy about this stuff).  But it’s crazy to me that she would be asking people to help her do stuff for an event she is not going to let them attend!!! This all seems like bridal party work to me anyway and it’s not clear to me that anyone in the chat is in the bridal party…

Would I be the AH if I asked her in DM to make a side chat? It keeps happening and I am biting my tongue!  Legit starting to wonder if my invite just ended up in my junk inbox.

Or am I being too sensitive and this is just how wedding ppl be (FWIW I’ve been common law for 10 yrs and would never in my life want to plan a wedding hahaha)

TIA!

ETA: a typo and a bit of context","NTA.  This is a group chat for stuff that is relevant to the entire group.  Since 5 are not invited, this is not an appropriate venue for her wedding discussion. The bride needs to create a separate group and owes the main group an apology first insensitivity."
"AITAH for being ""too kind"" to my ex","So I (35 F) have been with my partner (29 M) for almost 11 years at this point. We met during a very tumultuous time in my life. I was married to a man who was very abusive in our early years of dating and marriage, I will not go into those details. My ex and I have a daughter together, who is now 15, and were married honestly way too young and under terrible circumstances. When I met my current partner, I honestly didn't think happiness was meant for me, but fate is funny that way, and we have spent the last 11 years together.

now, in those years, I have still been married to this other man, not because I wanted to be, but because all of the fear and conditioning I was subjected to from my marriage and the few years before that. I made a lot of my decisions based on fear and survival. Understandably, my partner highly disagrees with how Ive handled things going forward, but, I didn't have the strength or knowledge of how to correct things. I feared serious backlash from this man I had been taught to fear and obey through his ""old fashioned"" views. And, lets be honest, a lot of women find it hard to listen to ""just leave him"" when you're in situations as I was. Jobless, broke, sheltered, and scared. Not really knowing what the right thing is to do and having so many people coming at you in so many directions telling you so many different things in the worst possible ways. For a long time I never knew any better. I just knew survival.
However, in this recent year I finally had the courage to stand up for myself and get this long awaited divorce started.
At the time of confrontation, I was pregnant. After 10 years of being with the love of my life who rescued me from a life under an abusive man's thumb, and I was ready to finally put an end to all my fears.
I won't lie, it was very hard for me to confront this man, as pregnant as I was, and tell him it's time for me to do the right thing. At first it was scary, he was very angry, understandably, and I was terrified, but I was able to power through one of the hardest things I've ever had to face in my life. And you know, today, we are actually better for it.
I left my ex almost 11 years ago, and though he clung to the fantasy of me coming home to him one day, he slowly realized that wasn't going to happen. I've been very firm on it too and never give him any room for him to ever think of it as a possibility. I gave birth 7 months ago to a beautiful baby girl, my 15 year old, reluctantly, accepted that she now has a little sister and is no longer an only child, and I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with the man who made this all possible for me.
But... 
Living through all these years of fear and anxiety, I still have one fatal flaw; My kindness.
Even though I went through hell because of my ex, I am still too kind in the eyes of my partner. Even though my ex will bring out the worst person in me at times, I can still talk and laugh and joke with him. It's easy to carry on conversation with this man for many reasons;
We've known each other since high school, he's gone through extensive therapy and behavior classes, moved to another country and back after a few years that honestly grounded him even more. He has a whole new outlook on life and humanity that I never thought I would see. Does this mean I ever want to go back? Absolutely not. But, it does make co-parenting and conversating very easy. 
I've always been a kind person, and sometimes I believe that simply being kind to someone even though they don't deserve it can go a long way in not only saving my own ass, but showing humility as well. 
This is where my partner and I butt heads. He does't think I should just have friendly conversations all willy nilly like we're friends because of what he put me, us, through. Though I agree with him on some level, I can't agree to be cold. It simply isn't in my nature. Though my ex treated me badly while we were together, I've known him for almost 20 years, and we know eachother well. I can easily keep my distance, but I don't want to change who I am at the core. It's caused a lot of friction with my partner recently and he becomes cold towards me and when he confronts me on why I insist on carrying on friendly conversation even though I say I want nothing to do with this man, I honestly just shut down and say ""you're right, im sorry."" Which makes him more mad. But I don't know what to do when faced with that situation. 
on one hand, I'm deeply hurt and feel berated for it, on another hand I can also see where he's coming from not wanting me to be friendly with my ex. But it isn't even that I'm trying to be ""friendly"", I'm just being me. The me who's kind, likes light hearted banter on occasion because to me that feels safe, and knowing being kind will take me a lot farther than being the typical mean ex-wife. I'm not trying to be his friend, I'm just not trying to be the kind of person I hate. Why waste energy being nasty to another human being? I have a child with him, and to me co-parenting is a lot more successful when you're kinder to one another.
I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, or react, I don't know what to do, or what not to do in this situation.
It may have been a long 11 years for my partner, but what about for me and all I went through to get to where I'm at, and who I am today? 

 AITA?  ","You are mistaking “kindness” for codependency and Stockholm syndrome. I broke off a relationship once because the woman I was with would constantly complain about her ex/babydaddy, but would also spend time on the phone with him everyday. 

I told her I wasn’t going to watch her willingly keep throwing herself into situations that made her miserable. But I also was not her dad, and wasn’t going to give her orders. She simply had a choice: 1.) me, and no meaningful contact with babydaddy outside of the parenting app, or 2.) not me, and do whatever you want. 

She chose 2, I think believing that I was bluffing. I got up from the table, gave her a hug, and said goodbye. 

So yeah. I’m sure you appreciate how patient your partner is, but nobody has limitless patience. Don’t romanticize your inability to break away from your abuser by saying “oh golly I’m just too KIND!”

Your attachment is a pathology, and your current relationship might not survive it."
AITAH for putting my CPTSD over my wedding ?,"I am engaged to the man of my dreams and we’ve done things backwards. First date I knew he was the one, moved in 6months later, 14months together we tried for a baby and were successful, now we have a beautiful baby. He has treated me so well. He isn’t perfect but I’ve accepted his imperfection the way he has accepted mine. You get the picture: with him I’m at peace. We agree on most things but one constant headache is our wedding.

We are both introverted calm people. We don’t drink or party, and don’t like to be the center of attention. We both have always cringed at how expensive weddings are and how no guest is ever happy with your wedding, always finding something to criticize.  I’ve never dreamed of a big wedding or it was never my dream to get married. I’ve always wanted to find my soulmate, promise to be together under God, and just have a fun little gathering (like literally a potluck or costume party). 

The reasons I’ve never wanted a wedding:
1) I’m a product of an affair meaning I have never had my father in my life and some of his family doesn’t even know I exist
2) I’ve had a horrible relationship with my mother. She was very abusive to me as a child.
3) My stepdad is extremely controlling over my mom + stepsiblings
4) my grandfather is the biggest POS I know as he was physically and emotionally abusive to my whole family
5) most of my family is single, or separated or in an unhappy relationship = I’ve never seen a happy marriage and I’ve been to one wedding 
6) I m not in debt, but basically living pay check to paycheck with this economy. I have 8k savings like my life savings. I can’t afford a wedding and my family will not pay or help me out financially for one.
7) I hate being the center of attention and all my friends are spread across the county. But basically I feel like I have like 2 friends.

So, I won’t have anyone to walk me down the aisle , no father daughter dance, I can’t even dance and I dont even listen to danceable music (rap and metal?), I dont even have enough close friends for a bridesmaids, I don’t get the point of a bridal shower. I get anxiety, anger and sadness when I think of weddings. It’s not something I get excited about. I’d be happy with eloping or inviting my family but not expecting anyone to show up.

We had planed to have a church wedding and then go to a buffet. Our families live 6hrs from each other so we wanted to find a place in the middle. I was okay with that, kinda lowkey. However my fiancé today mentioned how people would expect more and they’d want to mingle, dance and that we could think of something a bit bigger.  I explained to him how I had no one to walk me down the aisle and I’d really be ashamed and sad about it. He said he understood and suggested we could walk down together which was sweet.

He says he wants a lowkey wedding but that people in his family want to see him get married and except more than church and food. This upsets me bc he doesn’t even get along with most of his family. They barely made an effort to see our baby (we had no baby shower bc I didnt want to host a party just for gifts). We decided on having guests over our apartment so we could really get to know them / or for them to get to know me. Anyways, I felt like we had to beg people to come and then some of his family even cancelled twice on us. They only met our baby at a Christmas dinner. 

My family isnt any better. I had to travel to them for them to meet my baby and they barely seemed excited. 

So I’m jaded. I feel like everyone says they will come and I know last minute they wont. They didnt even make an effort to meet our baby. I doubt they will drive 3-4 hrs for our wedding. So i dont want to spend money I dont have to have people cancel. I know some of his and my family will come. The ones that really care. And if thats the case then Id love to sit down and talk with them, share my happiness. I dont want loud music, mediocre overpriced food and so many people that I wont even hear my one voice or get a chance to really talk to anyone.

If I go along with a wedding I’ll feel so shitty about the dad situation and then stress about the money. I know I won’t be happy. However, I know my partner has always wanted to get married and have kids. He is the last of his siblings to marry. I don’t want to take that away from him. I feel like a child who is refusing to have a good time. I just can’t seem to get onboard to have a party when I feel like no one really cares about us, people just want an excuse to dress nice and drink and dance. All things I don’t like. I also don’t want to be disappointed when people won’t come or just stay amongst themselves (we both have family members that won’t talk to other family members). Like so much family drama and I don’t want to stress on such a special day. I also think he wants a big wedding celebration bc his family doesn’t get together often and people are getting older/sicker. I feel like the grinch of weddings and I am scared to break my partners hopes and dreams of having a nice wedding.  He deserves it, he is a good man, and I wish I could be as excited as he is for the celebration. I already feel married to him and I know he is my soulmate. 

Anyways, AITAH for not wanting a big wedding? I need help on how to solve this dilemma. I have a feeling I’d cry if I walked down the aisle and I’d hate the day forever. 

TLDR: I never had any good men in my life, I don’t have  a father or father figure so walking down the aisle etc gives me anxiety. I have been let down my both our families when it came to see our baby, I feel like people will cancel  or not come to our wedding and I’ll be disappointed and hurt. However, it seems important to my partner and I don’t know how to find a middle ground.



","NTA Can you get legally married elopement-style & then work with your husband on at least his family proving they can be relied on to actually show up if you were to have a wedding? Plan some other, smaller get-together & if most people flake, you can use that as justification for not doing a big wedding. If people show they can be reliable, you'll feel more confident having a larger wedding.

Plus by then maybe your baby will be old enough to walk you down the aisle or dance with you."
AITAH for leaving a child out,"My Daughter does not get along with another little girl in her class. 18 months ago maybe I called her Mom and asked if she fancied a play date - the Mom became defensive and aggressive telling me that her daughter was a sweet little angel and mine was a monster,  which led to the two of us not speaking since.



My daughter is having a birthday party on Sunday and she's invited the whole class, except for this certain little girl. I tried everything to persuade her to invite her but she was adamant - within the last 18 months this little girl has repeatedly hurt my daughtet, hit her with a toolbox toy and tore her coat pulling her. My daughter cried when I tried to force it and begged me not to because she didnt want her to hurt her on her birthday and be mean to her. In the end I told her whilst it would be very kind of her to send an invitation, if she wasnt comfortable with it she shouldn't do it and so no invite was sent. 



I'm now being bombarded with text messages from other Mom's in the class about how unfair it is that one child has been left out. I felt awful enough about it without being given the side eye on the yard and all these messages. I knew people would think it was my decision which is why I tried so hard to persuade her to just invite her. The last two parties she was invited to. 

  
AITA? ",F all that noise. Your kid's safety is paramount. Tell all the other moms why you won't invite the little monster. Let's light this firecracker
AITAH for cutting contact with my supposed best friend because of this situation?,"This is a doozy so settle in. We had gone to the guy with this guy well just use initials A and A asked me and my fiance ""are you going to this thing at B and C's tomorrow night?"" C is supposed to be my best friend for context. And neither one of us had heard about it so we already knew we weren't getting an invite and this has happened so many times in the past too. So A said if you guys aren't invited I'm not going and we'll do something else.

Well the day comes it gets late and we weren't invited still so we decided to go out with A his wife and cousin. While we were out C texts me and is like ""hey what's up"" mind you we hadn't talked all day. So I said ""just in town wbu?"" And she leaves that on delivered but she sends a picture of the bon fire in the group chat and said ""this is nice"" and my fiance responded ""would have liked and invite"" and this guy J said ""we know 🤓"" (we'll get to J in a minute 🙈) then C sent a picture of everyone laughing. we decided to just turn off our phones and have fun with A and his crew

C had left my what are you up to message on delivered for 3 hours until everyone had left the party then she responded to me ""just watching TV"" I was very hurt and upset at this point so I said ""mhmm"" and she sent a picture to ""prove"" she was watching TV. I left her on opened

So we didn't talk for a week and our streak ended during this time and I spent that whole week hurt, feeling so excluded, thinking constantly, in bed, crying, completely anxiety ridden and I decided that I needed to message her and tell her how I felt and I also decided to step out of being her maid of honor and cancelling her as my maid of honor. We'll get to why.

So I messaged her what I thought was a very respectful message saying basically in short that I was hurt by what happened and then saying that I've been thinking about it and I decided I needed to step down as her maid of honor because I wasn't comfortable associating with J (the best man) and that I wouldn't be continuing with her as my maid of honor either.
She accepted that but asked me why I'm so against J which she knew I wasn't

So I told her. This is what J has done. We went out bowling and he got drunk and was drawing inappropriate stuff on the back window and I went to erase it and he grabbed my arm that's originally what upset me but then we were driving home and he pulled out his phone and on full volume started playing video of him having relations with his ex gf and showing everyone.

Second and this one is more serious imo. And keep in mind this came from his mouth he told this story because we weren't there. The group had gone drinking and they decided to go to Denny's after and drunk B and C started having relations in the back seat and her top was up exposing herself and J was looking but then her shirt fell back down and J reached back there and lifted it back up.

She told me that I was being dramatic and I need to get over it because it happened to her and she's fine with it and comfortable around him and me calling it SA was diabolical and it's fine that it happened because he was drunk and I said ""oh really because he was driving"" and she said ""he sobered up to drive"" and I said ""ok so he was sober enough to drive he was sober enough to know better"" and she said ""well we were all drunk"" and defended drunk driving by saying ""every does it"" and told me I'm no longer allowed to group hangouts because J will always be there because he's the godfather of her son and B's pookie. 

She went to bed after that and I decided you know what I don't want to be friends with someone that defends those actions and drunk driving and invalids my concern and boundaries so I removed her off of Snapchat. I didn't block her I removed her. Then I was trying to relax and unwind on TikTok and Instagram and I went to share a video with someone and her name popped up and it was triggering so I blocked her on those two and only those two. She messaged my fiance the next day which I feel like is another boundary thing but anyways she said ""since she blocked me on everything there's no hope for reconciliation.""

Aitah? Did I over react and should I not have removed her? Aitah for calling what J did sexual assault? Did I cause drama for stepping down as the moh? I'm constantly overthinking myself and wondering if I'm just a bad person and why it was so easy for me to cut her off","NTA, sometimes you need to realise that certain people shouldn't be in your life if they don't value you as you value them."
AITAH if I leave my boyfriend of 4 years?,"Throwaway account

Hi Reddit,

I’m super bad at typing so if it’s all over the place I’m super sorry, anyway,

Me and my boyfriend of 4 years have been off and on. I really wanted it to work this time but I’m getting tired slowly.

After making a couple of other Reddit posts I’m starting to see I feel like a mother to a male child. He doesn’t have a job currently and has told me he has been applying for a couple months now and he keeps telling me “he might not be hireable.” And I get the job hunting now days is a total disaster but it’s really hard on me because I’m paying the rest of the bills because we are both on the lease and I don’t want to be kicked out. He at least has been paying his one bill which I appreciate but still you know?

I come home after work and I have to make dinner or figure out what we are having for dinner most of the time. I’m so tired of cooking after work or always spending my money on food to figure out dinner. Some times he does buy dinner when he does have some cash which is great but you know? Outside of buying dinner once or twice in the last 6 months we lived together he’s made dinner once in the house.

Then there comes Christmas, he got money from his relative and decided to buy a switch two for “both of us.” Which didn’t really feel like a gift for me when he plays it all the time and completely ditches the limited edition switch one I bought him a year or so ago. He told me he was going to buy me a book boquet online for me for Christmas. Which he never did and it kinda hurt that he can spend that kind of money on a switch when he had one that already worked and that I bought for him. I don’t think it helps ethier I bought him a gaming chair, a new headset and a 60 dollar game to play all for the sake of him. He needs a new gaming chair though because he kept breaking our dining chairs (I didn’t buy them) and his head set was on its wits end. But they all were for the favor of him. Besides that small portion I’ve spent so much money on this man for me just to get “we share the switch to play Mario Kart once in a while .”

A little thing that also bothers me, even though he’s home all the time I have to ask him to clean, if I don’t ask him he won’t clean. I tired to talk to him about it but he told me straight up he needs to be asked which is crazy to me because I clean without needing to asked or told what to do for cleaning. I usually end up cleaning alone once a week.

I’m not trying to sound ungrateful but I feel unneeded and I’m slowly feel like wear and tearing myself. Does that make sense? Am I crazy?

Another question is, our 6 month lease is almost up, when do I end it? I don’t have an exact date when the lease expires.

Tl;dr: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years, on and off, and I’m getting tired. He doesn’t have a job, I pay most of the bills and handle most of the cooking and daily responsibilities. For Christmas, he used money from a relative to buy a Switch “for both of us” that he mostly uses, didn’t get me the book bouquet he promised, and I feel like I put way more effort and money into him than he does into me. I’m starting to feel more like his parent than his partner and I’m worn down and questioning if this is normal or fair.",No one can be an AH for ending a relationship they no longer want to be in. Period
AITAH for cuting ties with my disabled mother because she took my drug-addicted brother back in?,"I'm 37, and I have a brother (33) and a sister (34). My brother has serious substance abuse problems (drugs and alcohol) and refuse treatment. He's very anxious and has low self-esteem, which he hides behind an unhealthy facade and crazy incel ideas. He probably has an undiagnosed mental illness. My sister has social anxiety and has never really been respected by my parents, much less by my brother, who takes his anger out on her. My sister is completely traumatized. My brother isn't physically violent towards others, but he yells, insults, and punches walls. My mother (73) has bipolar disorder and has refused treatment for over 25 years.

Until that fateful day, my sister and mother lived alone together in the apartment right next door to mine. We share the same courtyard. On December 20, 2025, my mother brought my brother back to her apartment, fully aware that this would have serious consequences for me, my family, and my sister. But, she told me, she had no choice since my brother was being evicted from his apartment. She never once checked if there was a less damaging alternative.

CONTEXT : I have been in a relationship for several years, and we have two children from previous marriages.

As you might have guessed, I come from a pretty dysfunctional family. My parents, brother, and sister have always demanded a lot, A LOT, of my energy... And given how close they live, it's hard to escape them. It's not uncommon for a family member to show up at my house asking for help because my brother is experiencing toxic psychosis, or my mother is having a manic episode at the casino, or my brother is improvising a new job as drug dealer, or one of them needs to be rushed to the hospital, or is becoming a danger to themselves... I've often had to intervene to prevent disasters in dramas worthy of Hollywood. For example, during a particularly intense phase of her illness, my mother literally hired a hitman to kill my father (basically, my father and I met with the hitman—who was also her lover—and put an end to the plan... yes, really...). Another example: because my mother's address is well-known to the police, the tactical squad descended on her house, believing there was a risk of hostage situation. It was a large-scale operation with dozens of police cars and at least fifty officers! They trashed my mother's house... only to discover that it wasn't my brother with a gun that the neighbors had seen, but my son with a toy...

There's also the everyday madness: For example, my mother called me because she was having trouble with her printer. She didn't want me to read the documents, but I did, ... only to discover it was a $36,000 loan agreement with an outrageous interest rate... because she wanted to get all her teeth fixed to have a more beautifull smile. I convinced her not to sign the contract at the last minute. She doesn't have any money! And yet, for a brief moment when I was a teenager, my family were millionaires. Yes, really! My mother won the lottery! She gave more than half of her money to her siblings and her share of the million was gambled away at the casino.

In other words, I'm constantly being called upon to deal with the ""drama next door,"" even though I don't live there. My sister is the one who's having the hardest time. She's in the middle of all the madness. I'm just the emergency services, the transport, and the administrative service. At least, me and my sister support each other.

My family often laughs, saying I'm the real mom... which I don't find so funny after all...

But I'm also seen as a pain in the ass by my mother and brother. I'm the one who calls the ambulance or the police when things get out of hand, I'm the one who's constantly trying to convince them to get therapy, I'm the one who thwarts their crazy plans. This has become even more true since my father died.

Fast forward to 2022. By then, my brother who live at my mum next door to me, is constantly drunk or high. Calling the police and ambulance is a regular occurrence because of his toxic psychosis and suicide threats. Every time he's taken to the hospital, he's immediately discharged once the drugs wear off. He refuses treatment, and it's impossible to force him. The system considers him not dangerous enough in the immediate future... even though, in his delusions, he threatened to kill us to prove he's god. My amazing partner supports me beyond duty, but we're exhausted. At that point, my partner's ex is starting to question his son's safety at our house, which is causing a custody problem. The entire neighborhood is witnessing our family saga. It's hell!

At the time, my brother was working in a psychiatric hospital (I know, we can't make that shit up...).

They only started taking us seriously when my brother had one of his toxic psychotic episodes at work. It was his employer who sent him to the psychiatric ward for an emergency stay. He was admitted for 48 hours against his will.

For the first time, my brother was truly evaluated by a psychiatrist who took his entire history into account. The psychiatrist met with my sister and me, and we poured our hearts out. My sister described her daily hell, and finally, someone validated what I'd been saying for a long time: my mother and sister are victims of violence. The psychiatrist explained that my brother is a narcissistic pervert, that he had rarely seen someone so closed off, and that for our safety, my brother had to leave my mother's house. He told us that even if my mother meant well, the fact that she accepted everything and constantly covered for him was making the situation worse because it allowed him to refuse treatment. He said that the best course of action at this point was for my mother not to allow him to return home if he continued to refuse care. The hospital had a place ready for him in therapy. We asked this psychiatrist to speak directly to my mother, because we wouldn't be able to convince her ourselves. Her son is her darling (yes, he's the favorite—to the point where my sister had to pay for her upkeep while she is on welfare, but my brother pay nothing to my mum, even while working...).

I don't know what was said in that conversation, but when we returned to my mother's house, for the first time, she was open to setting boundaries. She demanded that he undergo treatment if he want to comeback live with her. 

Unfortunately, he refused. He went to live with a friend. To keep his job, my brother had to undergo regular tests at work, and for a while, thanks to the support of his union and his employer, he was relatively ""calm."" Later, he even agreed to a treatment program offered by his employer.

Life at my mother's house changed completely. My sister overcame her anxiety and began studying construction, graduating at the top of her class. She was a changed person. She started working for the first time in her life!

My mother also realized she was living in an abusive environment. At first, we were afraid she would bring my brother back home, but she finally promised my sister he would never return. She said she couldn't sacrifice my sister for my brother anymore and that he had to take responsibility. She would always help him, but she wouldn't let him stay with her anymore.

Finally, a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel! The ""next-door"" drama was easing. My brother and sister were starting to build a more normal life. I had hope!

But of course, it didn't last...

Summer 2025, I'm going through a difficult time, but this time it's my own personal drama. I won't go into details, but let's just say our two children are giving us a hard time. I thought until now that I'd managed to protect my son from my mother's house madness, but he's more affected than I realized. It's completely broken me, and I feel like I've failed as a mother. My mother is well aware of our fragility, and she knows that my partner and I were close to burnout because we're so exhausted. It's as if, after all these years, we no longer have the strength to handle new drama, but this time it's my family, my children, who need the rock I've been for my mother, my sister, and my brother. It's also important to know that even though I could maintain a healthy distance from my brother's drama since he lived elsewhere, that wasn't the case with my mother, who continues to refuse treatment and puts us through hell. That part has never stopped. So, that's for the background.

Let's fast forward to the fateful day.

On December 20, 2025, my sister bursts into my house in a panic. She's holding up a large bag full of bottles of alcohol. She tells me to hide them so my brother won't find them. I don't understand... She tells me my brother has moved back in with my mother, but it's temporary... Apparently, he was kicked out by his roommate who started drugs again.

Note that for the past year, my brother hasn't worked, and my mother, with her small pension, sends him over $1,000 a month. He relapsed and decided to quit his job.

At first, I'm just angry and, above all, incredulous at the idea that it's a temporary measure. I knew my mother wanted my brother back. For a year, she'd been rewriting the story, saying that my sister and I had lied to the psychiatrist in 2022 to keep him away. She started to believe I hated him and that I was responsible for the situation. I knew she wanted him back permanently. I'm convinced she simply jumped at the chance when he was kicked out by his roommate (in a moment of toxic psychosis, the roommate actually threatened to kill him. But since she was in a psychotic state, I think the police should have been called... especially since a child lives there. But my mother went to get my brother instead because ""he had to be removed from there immediately"". What my brother suffer with this woman, is what he put us through... ironic, isn't it?).

I keep turning it over in my head after my sister's visit... I know it won't be temporary... we're going back... we're back in 2022...

I'm starting to relive those crazy years. I'm already devastated by what's happening with my children, I can't also go through that again... I feel like I'm falling into a dark abyss... and I'm thinking for the first (and only) time to end my life. I completely broke down and lost touch with reality.

My partner texted my mother to tell her she was taking me to the emergency because I was in crisis and having suicidal thoughts. During my entire time in the ER, my mother didn't check on me even once. It was my in-laws who were worried about me.

Two days later, my mother sent me a message saying that I was hurting my brother by rejecting him and that he was just waiting for me to validate him in order to heal. She explained that she had no choice to do what she did, that I was inflexible and lacked empathy. The part that hurt me the most was when she told me that before panicking like I did, I should have at least come to see my brother to check on him. I would have seen then that he was fine. She wrote that like if I had chosen to fall apart.

I later learned that the first thing my brother did when he arrived at my mother's house was ask for alcohol. A few days later, he tried to take opioids from my mother for an ""intellectual experiment."" Oh yes, and finally, the ""temporary"" part is until my brother sorts out his stomach problem (according to my mother, he can't work with it) and finds a job... That's likely to be a very long time.

I've decided to cut off all contact with my mother for good. I avoid my brother as much as possible. My partner and I have decided to move out regardless of whether my brother stays or not, because we can't take it anymore.

My sister isn't doing well. She gave my mother an ultimatum: if my brother doesn't leave, she's leaving. But in reality, she feels too guilty about leaving my disabled mother alone with my violent brother. I feel so guilty about leaving her in this situation. I'm scared for my sister.

I'm not really angry with my brother, even though I don't want much contact with him. He is what he is: a sick person and a drug addict.

It's mostly my mother I'm angry with. I feel like she betrayed my sister and me.

My mother is angry with me. My sister told me she doesn't believe I really needed to go to the ER on December 20th. My mother thinks I pretended to be in distress to manipulate her. Apparently, she feels like I'm abandoning her by moving out, and she's very hurt and anxious about the situation. It really hurts to see that she see me like this.

My sister understands my distress, but she tells me to put things in perspective. My mother's words and decisions are a result of her mental illness. I should understand that. It's not worth breaking up the family, according to her. 

AITAH to act this way and cut off contact with my mother? 


",This is way too long. Can you shorten it?
AITAH for not letting my daughter go over her grandparents house,"Before I was pregnant my boyfriend had an issue with his father and somehow I became the reason why my bf doesn’t live with his parents. His father ended up calling me all sorts of name and being very disrespectful towards me that’s when I decided I didn’t want anything to do with him. Fast forward I find out that I’m pregnant I let my bf know that my child with never be around that man and he agreed. After my child was born, around 4m later my bf wanted us to go to his parents house n see if there was anyway we could talk it out so his dad could see the baby I tried and his dad basically called me and child and said he didn’t say the things I claimed he said and belittled me the whole time that ended up in a big fight between my bf and his dad n that’s when we officially said f\*\*\* it. Mind you his mother already knew what was going on and knew there was no way my child was enter that home while her man was there cuhs I didnt want someone like that around her and she didn’t seem to get that and just kept asking. I wanna say now that she was never restricted from holding or seeing her just that dad and she was invited over anytime(she only came by once). She keeps claiming that it’s not fair and that I’m weird for “keeping her grandchild away from her” AITAH for not letting my child go over her grandparents house ","NTA - It doesn't sound like you are keeping daughter child away from grand*mother*, you're keeping them away from grand*father*.   I'm wondering if he in turn is discouraging his wife from visiting if he can't.

  
edited because of formatting problems."
AITAH for cutting off a mutual friend after he body shamed me in front of everyone?,"AITA for cutting off a mutual friend after he body-shamed me in front of everyone?
I (21F) went to a party recently with my boyfriend and a group of mutual friends. I’m pretty extroverted, so I was moving around and talking to different people. One of the people there was a mutual friend Lance. I’m not very close to him because he has a habit of making comments about people’s bodies, including mine, so I usually keep my distance.
For some context, I’m curvy/chubby and have gained weight due to PCOS, which has made me especially sensitive about my body. My close friends are aware of this.
At the party, my boyfriend and I were standing in a group and lightly teasing each other. It wasn’t a serious argument. Lance suddenly walked up and said to my boyfriend that he shouldn’t argue with “a woman twice his weight” because “she’ll sit on you.” My boyfriend awkwardly laughed it off and said something like “I’d be happy,” but instead of dropping it, Lance kept going.
He started making comments directly about me—about my weight, about how my body takes up “half the room,” about my boobs and my ass, and even about how I dress, saying I dress “whorish for a fat bish.” All of this was said in front of our friends. 
I was so uncomfortable and embarrassed that another friend eventually stepped in and pulled me away from the situation.
Afterward, I ended up crying a lot. I felt humiliated and hurt, especially because the comments were made publicly with the goal of humiliating me which he succeeded in. After that night, I decided to completely cut Lance off. I didn’t confront him, I just chose to distance myself.
Some people have told me I’m overreacting or that he was “just joking,” but it didn’t feel like a joke to me.
What makes this harder is that Lance himself used to be overweight and has recently lost a noticeable amount of weight. I never judged him for his body, and when he lost weight, I complimented him and supported him. Knowing that he understands what it’s like to struggle with weight makes his comments feel even more hurtful.
So, AITAH for cutting him off?

UPDATE: About my boyfriend

After the party, my boyfriend and I had a huge fight about what happened. I told him very clearly that I felt unsupported and hurt. For me, defending your partner especially when they’re being publicly humiliated is basic. I wasn’t expecting him to create a scene or start a fight, but I was expecting him to shut it down or at least remove me from the situation sooner.
From his side, he said he was caught off guard and didn’t immediately process how serious it was, especially since the comments started as “jokes” and escalated quickly. That explanation didn’t sit well with me at first, and I made it very clear that freezing or staying silent still hurts when you’re the one being targeted.
We talked it out at length. He acknowledged that he should have stepped in sooner, apologized genuinely, and understood why I felt so let down. He also reassured me that if anything like this ever happens again, he will not stay quiet.
Later that night, Lance called my boyfriend to say that he ""might"" have overstepped and asked my boyfriend to apologize to me in his place. My boyfriend was having none of it and told him to stay away from both of us. While I do feel at times that I should have confronted Lance myself, I honestly don’t have the energy to deal with someone so problematic and devious, and choosing distance felt like the healthier option for me.

I’m also really overwhelmed by the amount of support and kindness in the comments.
 Thank you all so much it genuinely means a lot to me. 🙏

This situation definitely caused tension between my boyfriend and me, but it also led to a very necessary conversation about boundaries, support, and what I need from a partner in situations like this. I’m still firm in my decision to cut Lance off, and my boyfriend fully supports that decision.","NTA! what a jerk!!

you go girl! (bonus points for good boyfriend response)"
AITAH for leaving my house and calling my father a sick person,"I'll try to do long story short. Basically since I (f20) was a kid I lived with my dad, my grandmother, my grandfather and my aunt. Because we didn't have that much money we all lived there and it's not really a big department. 

My grandfather was always a violent person, I have memories from when I was very little and he tried to hit my aunt, my dad, my grandmother or just yell and create big fights within the whole family. I would hide in my room when this happened and just cry until it stopped. Then my aunt maybe got me some ice cream to compensate. 

So I just normalized it, even though it hurt, everyone in that family got into fights, yelling and even sometimes getting a little physical, I would get scared, but I knew it was just for a moment.

Like three years ago my grandfather tried to kill my dad with a knife. I didn't see this because as soon as the fight started I left the apartment, then my dad told me. After this, my grandfather got psychological help and is now medicated, so he's in his room all the time. I never understood why after ALL this time he's still living there tho. It's so stupid and they all (even if they gave him medication) normalize this just because he's family.

My dad is very violent too, he's very manipulative towards me, proclaims himself as the best dad in the world but never even tried to get me out of that house, never even tried to get a job since I was 12, just stayed there thinking that was the best place to be. He sometimes gets in fights with my aunt that also get very violent (for the stupidest reasons like a discussion about a tv show for ex.), he then asks me to tell him he was right about everything and tell him he's the best (constantly) even when I want nothing to do with the situation. 
He really thinks he's the best dad ever and says it out loud constantly, yet when he found out I was self harming at 14 he told me to kms and then told me he only said that because my therapist adviced him to (???) 
He also tells me he's depressed and if I don't spend time with him he calls me a selfish person because he was there (?) when I was depressed and I should be watching movies with him too. Complains if I spend too much time with my friends because I should pay attention to him and treats my life I'm his friend.

Okay, so after all of this and all of these years I wanted to put a stop to this madness. I packed all of my things and told my dad about my experience in the house and how it affected my mental health, how all of m therapists agree that I can't live there anymore and it's best for me to go live with my mom (I don't have the best relationship with her either, but that's another story and it's my only option also) 

My grandmother told me that I'm overreacting and nothing bad happened to me, that I had an excellent childhood and I'm full of hate for wanting to leave. My dad said something similar and that I'm delusional because I never experienced any violence, that yelling is normal and fights are so common for me to act all ""traumatized"" for it.

I called them all sick people and left with all my stuff, and I don't plan in talking to them for a very long time.

AITAH?",NTA and good for you. Stay strong and never look back ❤️
AITAH for trying to get my sister’s abusive boyfriend deported?,"My sister (27F) has been in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend (21M) for about two years. For the past year, I’ve (20M) been her main support when things escalate. Here’s how it goes: she calls me crying late at night, I pick her up, she stays with me for a few days, and then he picks her up when I’m not home.

This cycle has taken a serious toll on my mental health and my life. The most recent incident escalated to the point where she became aggressive toward me when I tried to set boundaries. I woke up at 5AM to a lot of banging and yelling, and I realized she was arguing with him on the phone. I was so tired, I took her phone away and she scratched me, sobbing as I told her to hang up the phone. Despite being her support, she will not leave him. I feel torn between wanting to protect her and realizing that I can’t keep living like this. So… I’ve been thinking about forcing them to separate by calling ICE on him while she’s still at my place. 

For context, he’s an illegal immigrant that uses my sister’s social security to find work. He has no driver’s license but drives an old car he got off of facebook marketplace. And a few months ago, his entire family was deported. 

Now I don’t support ICE ripping families apart and hurting innocent people, but I don’t know where else to turn. To me, he’s a scumbag that deserves this because he’s beat her countless times. He always manipulates her to come back to him and the problem is that she always listens. I don’t want her to hurt herself and I don’t want to keep on navigating through the aftermath. I understand deportation is a very difficult issue but right now, I feel like this is my only option. AITAH?

TLDR; my sister won’t leave her boyfriend so I want to forcibly separate them by trying to get ICE to deport him. ",Next event I would just call the cops on him
WIBTAH if I moved back out of state and stopped taking care of my Mom and Stepfather?,"This may be a long post just to give as much clarity as possible to my issue. I lived out of state up until 3 years ago when I got a call asking me to move home to help my mom and step father as his health is failing and my mother is almost 80. I left my great job beautiful townhouse and my friends to do just that. I am blessed with amazing parents. My biological father passed before I moved out of state several years ago. I have 3 sisters and 2 of them lived in the same place as our parents and the other lived 2.5 hours away, I lived 19 hours away. Anyway since I was the only single one they asked me and I was happy to do that. Here’s the reason I’m thinking of moving away again, in the 3 years I’ve been home I have had nothing but verbal attacks from my oldest sister and accused of ridiculous things of which none are true. I’ve went no contact twice with her but ultimately forgave her because it upsets my mom when we don’t get along. It seems like I’m always the one that has to just suck it up and move on. Well now she has been spinning her stories to one of my other sisters that moved out of state and now the verbal attacks are coming from her too. Here again never explaining what I was supposed to have done just simply calling me names and spewing hate my way. I had no clue my sisters were like this and I feel mentally beaten down and ready to tell them to come and take on the responsibilities. I work and pay my own bills all while taking care of the house, yard, grocery shopping, picking up prescriptions, making and taking them to all their appointments and keeping all their medications straight and given twice daily along with breathing treatments etc… but somehow I’m the villain and I’m exhausted the mental beat down is getting to be to much. I  never thought I’d be in this position but here I am. So I’m conflicted on what to do. We use to be close and now I honestly feel like I’m alone and have no siblings. Even if they would realize how wrong and awful they have been to me at this point it’s to late I will never have anything to do with them again . Some words you can’t take back and are unforgivable. Any advice would be helpful","Just tell your mom that if she wants your continued help, she has to accept you being NC with your sisters."
AITAH for not helping my fiancée with her schoolwork?,"I (M23) and my fiancée (F22) have been together three years, living together for one year. We both started online college just last week. We both work full time jobs. 

Obviously, we’re still getting used to the workload. I’ve been doing ok, I got all my assignments for the week done a day early, giving me this past Sunday entirely free of work and school, so I did some chores and let myself relax a bit. My fiancée left about 50% of her schoolwork until Sunday night and had to rush to write and submit before the deadline. She made it, but it was close. I think she submitted less than ten minutes before the deadline.

On Sunday, when she started working on everything she still had to do, she asked me to help her. I don’t mind helping, I love her and I want her to succeed, but I intentionally worked ahead to give myself one day free of work and school. Time to rest is extremely important for my mental health, so I plan my whole week around giving myself time where I’m free of responsibilities and can relax. Chores, errands, and now schoolwork are all planned in advance and spaced in a way that allows me at least one day a week where I can relax and be mostly free of any responsibilities. (Obviously if something comes up on this day off that can’t wait, I do it, I just plan my time to try to avoid it.) This is all very intentional, and she’s aware this is how I plan my time and why I do it like this.

As I said, I don’t mind helping her with her schoolwork, because I love her, I want her to do well, and I know she’d do the same for me if I needed it. While we are in different classes, our assignments are pretty similar right now, so I showed her mine to give her an idea of what she needed to do. I even wrote a template she could follow for one of them, based on an assignment I wrote that was practically identical to the one she was doing. I thought I was offering plenty of help, and didn’t mind doing it.

However, she wanted more than that. She wanted me to sit with her and help her write the whole thing, from start to finish. I refused as kindly as I could and told her that while I’m happy to help her understand what her assignments are asking her to do, and even show her my assignments if they’re similar enough to help, I won’t sit with her while she does it. At a certain point she does have to do her own work, and I already spent all week doing mine.

She was upset, but we moved past it. She did her assignments on her own and I thought that was the end of it. But now, she’s asking me again to sit with her while she does assignments and help her. She works slowly, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, everyone works at their own pace. But I really don’t want to sit with her for several hours while she does her assignments, after I already spent hours on my own. By the time I finish my own homework, I’m mentally exhausted and the thought of hours more schoolwork is too much. I’ll still help her in smaller ways, but she doesn’t seem to understand why I won’t help her in the way she’s asking for.

AITAH? Should I be helping more, or am I already helping plenty?

EDIT: accidentally said we’ve been together two years when it’s actually three. Blame it on college brain. And since it’s a common question, yes she does have ADHD, which she’s medicated for. She still struggles a bit with distractions and I do my best to help her stay focused, but there’s only so much I can do.","Mate she needs to learn to manage her own time better, leaving half till Sunday night is mental. You showed her your work and made templates that's more than enough, you're not her tutor are you?"
AITAH for not inviting my friend to a trip?,"CONTEXT : a year ago me and my 2 friends were planning to do a day trip out of the country but we postponed the trip because me and our other friend were at risk of losing our jobs and also because of money issues. keyword— POSTPONED

fast forward to today, we booked an out-of-town plane ticket on a whim (which was significantly cheaper than usual, also cheaper than the out-of-country day trip as a whole). right after we booked it, a couple of our friends NOT IN THE CALL heard about it and now the other person is upset that we didn't invite them. we weren't able to invite the other friend on account that they were not in the call during the spontaneous decision and that they were predominantly busy with other things (work, relationship, etc.), which prompted them not being able to join us for calls lately. they also outright mentioned it to everyone that they will be isolating themselves for awhile to heal from all the things that's been happening to them. so we gave them assurance and support, and respected their decision.  
  
i’m torn over the situation because on one hand, the initial out-of-the-country trip is only postponed, we could easily replan that for next year, maybe. but on the other hand, with how busy life has gotten with work and whatnot, I wish they would have just said they wanted to come, but it feels as if there’s blame that’s being projected in an otherwise easily communicable situation.

for further context, there are times when communication is hard because it always feels like there’s fingers being pointed. it also seems like to that person that leaving them out of this plan has some sort of malice specifically to them, when truly there's none. IT WAS A SPONTANEOUS THING. as much as i want to extend an invitation still and tell them to catch up with the flight, after all this it feels really draining to spend a trip with them at this moment. and inviting them after already having the confirmation feels like a a pity apology. 

i wanted to get more insights and opinions because I don’t want to go in angry and frustrated over said friend when we speak. so do you guys think, am i the asshole?","NTA. This was a spontaneous plan made by the people who were present and available. You respected their need for space when they said they were isolating, and there was no malice or intentional exclusion. Feeling hurt is understandable, but projecting blame instead of communicating isn’t fair to you."
AITAH for blocking my mother after everything she's done?,"If I got into my sob story we'd either hit the character limit or be here all night, but ya'll still need some context. My sister told me she'd be making another AITAH post with her own POV because she's much more open to blocking her.
Okay. So here we go. For most of my formative years, my sister raised me, and once she left for college, I was underneath the control of my mom in my early teens. She would start telling me about her sex life with my dad, the hatred that she has for her family, and essentially making me believe that we were the only ones that could rely on each other.
She developed diabetes, arthritis, and tuberculosis, and she refuses to take her meds, no matter what.

She would also expand on her suicidal thoughts to me and tell me that she needed me and that I was the light of her life. I was stuggling with depression myself, though. I was a shut-in, I was homeschooled, and I really had nowhere to go, so I had to deal with her depressive thoughts and become her own mini therapist. I was parroting talking points without actually learning anything myself while trying to help her balance her own issues and not believing any of the things I was saying to myself. Once my parents finally divorced, they lived in separate houses and I ended up going with my dad. That gave me some distance with her, but then this cat and mouse relationship started.

She'd have a large reaction, I'd come to see her, get closer and try to reconnect, then she'd start becoming offensive and rude and I'd pull away. 
This has happened many, many times, but here's the example of this that broke the camel's back, just these few weeks ago.
Before Christmas, my mom was talking about wanting me to help shovel her driveway and do some of her chores. I said sure, why not? I'll do it. I don't have a driver's license right now, though, so I can't drive. Then my mom says that my sister wouldn't be able to drive me either because she's too busy.

She always says that she doesn't want me walking incase I slip and fall, and I always say that I can do it and that it didn't bother me. I've NEVER said no, but she will straight up refuse. We've been having these types of conversations for actual YEARS.
At this point I was incredibly frustrated at the amount of times that she would bring something up and then shoot me down when I offered to help, so this time I said: ""if you want, I could just not tell you when I'm coming so that you can't say no. I'll already be there."" Then she does the weirdest thing imaginable, she dismisses me and then suddenly talks about paying me?
I'm offended at this, my mom doesn't have a job and is under welfare, and she is saying that she would pay me to do this work when I know that she is barely living paycheck to paycheck? At this point I'm just thinking. Do you think that I just want money? I'm saying I will do this for FREE. I will walk to your place and do those chores for you for FREE. What's not clicking. I get loud about this and end the call, and that's the last time I talked to her.
Once I go shopping with my sister, she asks if we should invite my mom to Christmas with her family and I say yeah she should. My sis then comes back to me and says that my mom said no, and that she didn't want to come. Cool, didn't want to invite her anyway. It was just for pleasantries and hoping that she'd change this Christmas for some reason. In the wee hours of Christmas morn, she apparently called the cops from ""losing control of her bowels.""

My sister picks me up and we go to the hospital to pick her up. Turns out the hospital said that it was a bowel obstruction and they gave her laxatives and she already had a bowel movement, so they sent her on her way. She tells us that she was apparently frustrated that the police weren't in uniform, and that the hospital would discharge her that quickly. I was upset because it was Christmas day, and of course, if they can fix your problems with laxatives, they're not gonna keep you in the hospital, you can do that in your house.

But anyway, we drop her off, and she says don't look around, there's... that everywhere. My sister sets her down on the bed, and I get her food and I look in the fridge. Apparently she had 3 boxes of i'd guess 20 mini croissants each? Of course she's gonna have a bowel obstruction. We sit down next to her to chat with her a bit. I don't see any of... that anywhere.
On the drive back, me and my sis exchange info and she tells me that she didn't see any of that either, but apparently, my mom told her that she ate some three month old turkey in the fridge. That led us to thinking that maybe she was trying to kill herself, based on everything, you know? And she just couldn't handle the pain, so she called the cops.

Then the next time my sister visits, we just talked about my mom and all this stuff, and how about how we should cut her off, because it's clear that she is either not telling the truth on these things, or being manipulative and attention-seeking. We wanted her to get some genuine help and we agreed that it felt like we were enabling her, so we were debating blocking her so that she doesnt have a choice. Then she tells me about all the weird stuff that my mom is texting her, telling us to ""leave her to live her Christian life,"" and then saying that she'll pay me to do the work AGAIN. This was was the thing that really broke me, because I literally TOLD YOU. FREE. and what, you're saying this again to my sister instead, hoping maybe I don't know that I wouldn't find out about this? I actually had a breakdown about this. It's far from the worst thing she's done, but it just compounded, you know?

We both ended up blocking her that day. After all of this stuff, it's been such a relief. I haven't unblocked her since, but my sis unblocked her after a pastor contacted her and told her that my mom asked them to visit her. They took her to a care facility for now and the pastor essentially tried to chastise us for not contacting her anymore. Now my sis gives me updates about how the pastor said that my mom was upset because ""she's the one who blocks people,"" and then my mom texts her that she thinks that I think that the ""work was beneath me.""

Since these happenings, we've been having conversations about our mom non-stop. My sis has been considering blocking her again. I'm thinking about how we might be losing her soon, and that it feels like we're abandoning her in her time of need, while I can also understand that she's hurt us too many times and that we should be living our lives now.

My sister has a very different perspective. She's much more tired of it and comfortable with blocking her having grown up with different lived experiences with our mom. After a moment where I lost the chance to mourn a pet of mine, I fear that my emotions are being clouded by essentially grief FOMO, but my mom is such a toxic person to be around that it feels like I need that silence. I need to grow and the only way is to get away from her. But I dont want to make a mistake by not being there with her. It's a constant cycle. I keep feeling like a piece of shit or that I'm doing the right thing or that she deserves it, and my sister feels the same way, just not to the same extent. So we agreed to do an AITAH post to see if the Reddit strangers will give us a reality check. So, thoughts?","NTA. I’m sorry you and your sister are going through this with your mother. She needs help from someone trained to do so. 
If you are not getting some sort of counseling already, I highly recommend you do so. They will help you cope with such a toxic relationship."
AITAH for asking for something back that I gifted?,"I (f30) gifted my friend (f45) a bunch of cat things because my cat sadly passed away, and I was so devastated I have sworn off any more cats for the time being. I knew she was planning to get her daughter a kitten. She gladly accepted bowls, a cat carrier, cat scratchers and toys, and pet stairs, among other miscellaneous items. I only kept a few of my cats favorite toys and his collar as mementos. 

Well cut to like 6 months later. She still had not gotten the cat she had promised her daughter, and my dog was recovering from bladder stone surgery, so she couldn't jump up in my bed, but she was used to sleeping there. I asked her if I could have the stairs back until my dog was done recovering from surgery. She told me she would ""rather not."" I didn't push it and bought some new stairs for my dog. 

Cut to 6 months later. My dog is all healed up and I barely talk to this woman anymore because I am holding onto resentment about this. I feel like I gave her all this stuff for free, she couldn't even let me borrow 1 item (that I had given her for free) when my dog was sick? She still does not have a cat. That's the only reason I gave her this stuff. I perhaps could have sold some of it instead.

I know you should give freely and not expect anything in return. But I guess I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't reciprocate the same way I give. And takes under false pretenses. I know I sound bitter... So, AITAH for asking for the stairs back? ","You are NTA for asking for the stairs back for your dog. When she gave you the answer that *she would ""rather not.""* ,she was letting you know that your friendship didn't really matter to her. She is not a real friend.   

It's most likely that she sold the items or gave them away."
AITAH I think this girl isn’t interested in me but she says I’m projecting,"I (22M) have been talking to a woman (22F). We’re in the early stages of getting to know each other, and I’ve been approaching it intentionally, trying to spend quality one-on-one time when possible.

The issue is that multiple times now, we’ll make plans together, and then a few days before, the plan changes in ways that catch me off guard.

For example, we planned to have dinner together so we could spend time getting to know each other better. A few days before the dinner, she tells me that her friends wanted to go to dinner too, so she invited them, and then asked me what I thought. I was confused because I thought this was supposed to be just us — like an actual date — and I felt awkward because the invitation had already been extended before I was asked.

I told her that it wasn’t what I was expecting and that I had assumed it would be one-on-one. She responded by saying that we were still spending time together, just “in a different way.” I said okay, but also tried to explain that it felt strange to plan something together and then have additional people added later.

At that point, she said I was being unclear — that I said it was fine, but now I was saying it wasn’t. I tried to explain that I was just confused by the change, not trying to control anything. She then flipped it and said she wouldn’t mind if I invited friends or if people joined, and implied that it “said a lot about me” that I preferred it to be just us.

This isn’t a one-time thing. Another example: we’ll plan to do something on a specific day (like a Friday), and then a few days before she’ll say she might go out with friends instead and she’ll “let me know.” When I ask why we’re making plans if they’re tentative, she says she was just told about the other plan and isn’t sure if she wants to go.

These situations keep happening, and they all give me the same feeling — like I’m not really a priority or like she’s not that interested. When I bring that up, she insists she is interested and accuses me of trying to leave or not actually wanting to be with her. Meanwhile, from my perspective, her actions feel inconsistent and dismissive of the plans we make.

Now we’re stuck in this loop where I say, “Your actions make it feel like you’re not interested,” and she responds with, “No, you’re just projecting and you’re the one who’s not interested.”

At this point, I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if I’m reacting normally to mixed signals and changed plans. I feel confused, frustrated, and honestly lost.

Also- we’ve seen each other multiple times and I’m pretty sure it’s not a “comfortability” thing as she was the one who approached me at first.",Just let it go… it’s not worth it
"AITAH for ""giving my mother her cancer back"" everytime she's upset with me?","Repost: Exceeded the character limit in the previous post, so here's the shortened version 

I (22F) am finishing my degree in veterinary medicine and still living with my parents because my house is near the university, and it helps save money. In a few weeks, I’ll leave to do an internship to finish college, and the plan is not to come back. Living here has been extremely difficult.

My relationship with my parents has been bad for years. My father (52M) and mother (46F) both have a strong “victim mentality” and make everything about themselves. My siblings (15F, 13M) and I live constantly trying not to upset them.

This is mainly about my mother. I practically grew up with my grandparents. Even though I didn’t see my parents much, the memories I have with my mother are mostly negative. When I was a child, I used to make small flower bouquets for her. She threw them away the same day. Later, she yelled at me for never giving her gifts and said the flowers were stupid and meaningless.

She is obsessed with what others think of her and projected that onto me. She controlled my clothes and hair until I was 12–13. I have curly hair, which she hated, constantly brushing it dry, ruining it, and calling it ugly. Thanks to my aunts and cousins, I eventually learned how to care for it, but I grew up hating my appearance.

When I was 13, the physical abuse got worse. One time, I asked her to try different hairstyles because I didn’t feel pretty. She slapped me. When I defended myself verbally, she kept hitting me until my nose bled. She only stopped because I had to go to school. My father was angry, not because she hit me, but because it was visible. I never got an apology. Later, she told me she wanted to make me bleed again and that the only reason she stopped was that she “hit me wrong.”

I was never allowed to defend myself. If I did, I was labeled ungrateful. For example, after foot surgery, while I was using crutches, she slapped me again during an argument, knocking me to the ground. I crawled to my bed in pain. She constantly insulted my body, which later led to an eating disorder.

She showed zero empathy during important moments, like laughing while I cried after learning a cousin had died. She also told me I “ruined” her life because she got pregnant with me before marriage.

My parents convinced me to study near home, promising support and a quiet place to study. None of that happened. I was expected to cook and clean while being yelled at constantly. My siblings’ study time was respected; mine wasn’t. My parents would blast music, get drunk (until throwing up), and mock me for being stressed about exams. At night, I often had to hear them having sex loudly—something that’s been happening since I was a child and with my baby brother on the same bed. 

Last year, my mother had a malignant tumor removed. No chemo or radiation. Everything was resolved in under six months. Now she uses it against me, saying I could be “giving her cancer back” whenever she’s angry.

As I got older, I started defending myself verbally and blocking her from hitting me, never hitting back. She escalated by threatening to kill or abandon my pet rabbit to hurt me. After my princess died, she threatened to throw away my belongings instead.

When I ask my aunts for help, they always tell me to understand her because “it’s her first time living” or that parenting is hard. I’m always expected to understand her, never the other way around.

I’m exhausted. I’ve attempted to end my life three times because of this environment, but I stayed alive for my siblings. My parents know this. My father once told me to “just kill yourself already,” and my mother mocked me for being dramatic.

So, Reddit, AITAH for making my mother sad and angry? Am I overreacting, or is going no contact justified?
Sorry for any grammar mistakes. English isn’t my first language.",NTA. Start utilizing the mental health resources that are available on your campus if you’re not already and remove yourself from their home as soon as possible. Document signs of abuse you notice with your siblings and report them to the police
AITAH for being pissed at my husband,"I work doing gig deliveries. My husband finds is necessary to join all the Facebook groups for this specific gig. Follow all the topics and discuss with the other drivers. This pisses me off more than it probably should. I dont follow up on his company or coworkers, nor do I pry into his job and tell him how its done or what he should be doing. He has nothing to do with my deliveries ever. However he feels the need to constantly tell me how to do the same job I have been doing for 5 years because he read on single thread of ""information "" on one of the Facebook groups. This just makes me feel like I cant have nothing for myself. ",Some people can't resist  being know-it-alls.  NTA
AITAH for siding with my mom instead of my wife?,"My wife and I have a son who is about to turn five. My parents, mostly my mom, have been providing us with free childcare since he was a few months old. My mom follows all our requests (no screens, no added sweeteners) and gives our son a level of care no amount of money could buy (and we couldn't afford even the inferior level anyway). Our son loves my parents (he loves my wife's parents too, but he sees them way less) and is always happy when I drop him off and when my wife picks him up.

I have an older brother that has issues, and my parents have bailed him out several times in the past. A few years ago he totaled the car they bought him, and they said they were done helping. It turns out they have been paying his rent for the last two years. My wife made a comment about how the squeaky wheel gets the grease and no one will ever wonder who their favorite is. My mom was mad and said she sends 40+ hours a week on us, and she can do whatever she wants with her money whether that be paying her son's rent, pissing on it or setting it on fire. It was definitely an extreme response.

My wife demanded an apology and said she didn't deserve to be spoken to like that. My mom apologized for being vulgar but said the sentiment stands and she wants my wife to be quiet about her financial decisions. They went back and forth until my dad made my mom go upstairs. My wife seethed the whole way home.

My wife wants to stop relying on my mom for childcare. She said her mom can do some babysitting and we can find a daycare until school starts in the fall. She said she couldn't trust our son with someone emotionally volatile.

I told my wife she was the instigator and asked why she couldn't just ignore information about my brother. I said our son loves his grandparents, and yanking them away from him right before he transitions to kindergarten might traumatize him. I also reminded her we can't afford daycare.

My wife said I'm unsupportive and siding with my family against her. I'm not trying to be unsupportive, just to give honest feedback. Should I just have said she was right even though I don't think she is?","If your mom has been babysitting for almost 5 years, she’s been giving you and your wife a financial benefit even greater than 2 years of rent. 

She could have saved you all over 100k (at 2k a month)— AND she’s giving your child one on one attention which he wouldn’t otherwise get. 

YOU and your wife, by extension, are the favorites. Your wife is an idiot. NTA. "
AITAH for saying this,"AITAH I 19M and my situationship 19F been talking since early October we been intimate maybe a lil to intimate lmao but not the point if she asks to see me of course I come asap but when I want to see her it's a different story she already laying down she gotta clean her room or take a shower n blah blah id text her and be like I miss u or what not she don't give that same yk I miss you too it's always ""I miss me too"" or some and so yesterday I todl her I wish you were with me I need you blah blah no text bac for a DAY and I follow up a day later with damn fucc me then then she say shid youn ttm so I'm like how and you never text me back blah blah she talking bullshit so I text this exactly this way ""I see now ts wasn't worth it I was just in lust that's all youn gotta worry bout lil ole me females never been hard to come by lmao I thought you was cool I missed ya but you overly hard to deal with man I give up"" which seemed respectful to me but I just need another opinion type stuff and something else I got my phone took by police so I was deviceless for over 2 weeks couldnt text her but we stay in the same apartments so when I would see her sitting on her balcony id try n have a chat with her but she act like I ghosted her and all that when on her birthday I literally wrote her a note put it in a envelope and threw it on her balcony saying my situation and stuff when she finally came outside and decided to talk to me she told me she saw it but just ain't care I guess I'm tired of it and I just give up I'm not asking should I or should I not stop talking too her I was gonna do that anyway I just wanted to know if the message I sent was out of pocket or if it was perfect the way it is",NTA your message was honest and respectful
AITAH for blaming my uncle for my great-grandmother’s situation?,"She’s 97, and doesn’t have much longer.

My uncle got his daughter {15} a big German Shepherd about 2 years ago; my great-grandmother has a major soft spot for animals, so when she sees the German shepherd being neglected {not fed, cooped up, etc} she takes over the responsibilities. This has already led to the dog breaking one of her legs- but that was a first time occurrence, and things can happen with excitable puppies. But it’s happened again- and now it’s her other leg. 

We went to the doctors today, and they told her she can either risk passing away during surgery- or never be able to walk again. To remind you, this is a very tiny, very fragile, very old lady; she’s still getting over the OTHER broken leg from a year ago. If she doesn’t risk passing away, the rest of her life will be miserable. 

The only people to really blame in this situation is an excitable puppy that’s being neglected- a caring, tiny old lady- and a 15 year old child with little to no real sense of responsibility. 
So AITAH for blaming my uncle for my great-grandmothers situation? ",You’re not being unfair. Blaming the 15yo doesn’t make sense and blaming your great grandma definitely doesn’t. The adult who brought the dog into the situation and failed to handle it is the issue. That’s basic responsibility stuff.
AITAH for getting angry at my fiancee for questioning my sexuality,"Throwaway here, but AITAH for getting defensive/angry that my fiancée keeps questioning my sexuality after she found my stash of hidden away sex toys which included a dildo and a chastity cage?

I told her that I was embarrassed and don’t want to talk about my masturbation habits because it was in the past / private.

She now keeps on asking if I am gay etc and I told her no, it was just some kinks I got into briefly and have never been with a man but she doesn’t believe me and keeps questioning.

When I get angry about it she keeps on saying why are you so defensive/getting angry at me",Maybe ask yourself why youre “angry” and why youre marrying someone you cant be honest with and feel you have to hide things from.
AITAH for telling my mom that I don't trust her?,"For reference I am 29 still living at home(times really be tough out here), in school getting my pre-reqs for med school, so all my money goes towards school, books, transport, etc etc. I cannot move out unless I wanted to be homeless. My mom has always been, shall we say, veryyyy overbearing. Not to say it's not well intentioned(at least partially), but as I've gotten older, I have tried my best to set boundaries, which she has continually broken. Most recently, aka yesterday, I went out on a date, and I told my father before I left the house I was going out with friends, leave the door open for when I come back later. No problem at all. While I'm on said date, my mom is borderline harassing me, calling me 12 times, messaged me saying ""Why did you tell dad you were going to the bar when the bar opens at 11:30, and you left at 11?"" I chose to ignore her because I wanted to focus on the date, and I HOPED she got the message that I was busy. In addition, my mom perpetually called me while she knew I was in an orientation session in a local hospital for some volunteer work, so my phone was going berserk. 

Fast forward to today at dinner, my mom of course opened up the dialogue with her getting angry that I didn't tell her directly, so I told her if I trusted her more, I would have no problem telling you anything, but I don't do to past actions, and I was close to blocking her number because of how ridiculous it was getting. She shook her head to dismiss what I said, and I told everyone sitting down(my sister and dad) about how with my last ex(two years ago), after we broke up, my mom borderline harassed her, asking he on many separate instances, if we were getting back together. How do I know? My fucking ex CALLED me to tell me to tell my mom to stop her shit. There was also an instance several years ago with my first ex in which my mom tried to break into my phone while I asked her to hold it, and got angry that I would accuse her of something like that. This is all in addition to other lies I've caught her in, and the fact she pretty much destroyed her marriage with my father because she was messaging people behind his back but then would get angry/break down in tears when caught. I'm not condoning my lying to her, because I do hate lying, but in this specific context, I genuinely feel it was needed due to the past actions she's done, then she proceeded to run upstairs in a fit of anger. So, AITA here? ","Turn. Your. Phone. Off! Seriously, if you are at work, or a date, the phone should be the last thing on to interrupt, especially knowing your mom's behavior."
AITAH for telling my ex SIL that her whole family is f’d up and will never get to be around my kids again?,"Hello everyone, so this will be very long so buckle up. I’ll try to make every detail count, from the beginning to the end. I (35F) have 4 kids, and I’ve taking care of them by myself for years.

So I’ll start from my relationship with my ex husband, we met in 10th grade and from there we were attached together. Even though we were still kids, we had a close bond about everything. We went to the same college, not for each other but that was both of ours dream. My second year at the college, I became pregnant with my first daughter. I thought about dropping out but I didn’t because my family helped a lot, Mike family didn’t help much.

Okay so now we’re in the time we’re married, by this time we had 1 child living in an apartment. We were working a lot to get a real house, I was just starting my real estate business. What was good is that Mikes father put him in his business so more money started to pile in. We were finally a growing family, being able to have a house and the little family we wanted. In our marriage we did bicker on things, argued but we communicated each time. Skip to some years later, we have 4 kids now. We were going strong into this marriage, I couldn’t complain and was grateful for the life we started.

I don’t think I started to see him acting weird until I had our 4 child, I wouldn’t be the one trying to communicate but he would shut me out. Tried to get us into therapy, but he didn’t believe in that so I had no end goal. Arguments started to grow, every night but I let him him have it because the kids were still there. What really hurt me was that he accused me of cheating, like how can you trust someone after that. When that happened, I shut down so we would not speak, only for the kids sake. My suspicion grew because if he accused me then that meant he was doing it, coming home late, hiding his phone.

It wasn’t until he was outside playing with the kids when I found his phone on the couch, mind you we never went through each other phones but that’s when I took the chance. Till this day I’m glad I looked through it out I would’ve been living in a nightmare, a double life. There was pictures and messages of him with this lady, pictures of them with their kids, and the kids looked just like him. The women knew about me and my kids name, I was the topic of every conversation for them and it wasn’t nice words. I just wanted to know what I did to him to deserve this, I always paid attention to him, treated him with respect, but maybe it’s just me.

I didn’t confront him right there because I was still taking everything in, but he had a plan all along. He left the same day in the night, I thought he was doing his usual, but he never came back. the day after was our oldest daughter birthday, he was not there, I called his number but the guy blocked me, called his mom and no answer. So for weeks I couldn’t get into contact with him, the family wouldn’t give me anything and I knew that they knew where he was but they didn’t like me so f my feelings. I filed for the divorce, missing spouse affidavit so the court would know I actually tried to find him, and yes I was going for full custody.

So I took care of my kids, each day they asked were he as but as days went on they stopped. So now that was a lot guys, this is the whole backstory and I hope I made sense, apologies for grammatical errors. I have sole custody over my kids, he has supervised visitation. It’s a slow process, my oldest girls are still hurt, especially my older daughter because her father with her dad isn’t the same.

Now let’s get into the real problem, told you guys Mike family didn’t like me and was never h to wee for me or the kids, they don’t tell me where he was and they knew his whole double life. Why did Mike sister message me on Instagram? She did it on my work page because that’s the only one public. She was basically saying I’m a horrible mother who’s stuck up, because he mother cries everyday that he can’t be with his kids more and he’s depressed, lost his job in the company, his baby, trying to blame me for all that happening. That’s his life and on him, she also said her mom wants to see her grandkids ( same grandkids you haven’t been around for years, never helped, never came to a birthday) now they wanted to say some. So I entertained her enough, I told her she can get on with her f’d up family because they will never get to be around my kids again. My kids don’t care for them or their cousins on that side, thankfully my family loves them.",">she also said her mom wants to see her grandkids ( same grandkids you haven’t been around for years, never helped, never came to a birthday)

Just for fun tell them they have to pass a quiz first. Do you suppose they could tell you how many children you have, and what are their names and birthdates? Perhaps they would know what activities the children enjoy? Their favorite books or movies? Their favorite foods? The names of their special stuffed animals?

The needs of the children are the priority. The children don’t miss strangers. 

NTA"
AITAH for having a severely matted cat,"So basically, I have a cat that I have had for years since he was little. My parents got him from a breeder when I was a kid so he was supposed to be a purebred short haired scottish fold. And he is a scottish fold, however for some reason he has super long fur like a siberian or other very long haired cat. My parents had always brushed him regularly from time to time, but he never let anyone touch his belly so that didn’t get brushed even though his fur is very long there as well. (basically everywhere). He has now been living with me and without my parents (not sure how long, probably a few months to half a year) because I live with my grandmother and my parents were planning on putting their place up for sale. Anyway, my mother comes around frequently and a PSW for my grandmother from time to time so while I do care for him and it’s up to me my mother and caretaker come and take care of him also. Sorry if I’m overcomplicating things I’m bad at explaining and want to give the full picture.

Anyway, my cat had developed mats that went unnoticed until way later and when I discovered them they were severe and very tight and knotted, some close to the skin. All over his belly and on the front of his body. I had always brushed him but not in those places because he hated it and didn’t allow it. I also didn’t know that fur could get severely matted like that if he wasn’t trimmed or brushed everywhere very frequently and regularly, and truly it is unnoticeable when it happens because he has such long fur it covers everything until you feel it. I (am not making a lot of money so I don’t have power there) told my mother about it and said we needed to go to a groomer, she agreed, I found one but then because of their weird way of taking payment my mother didn’t like that and we cancelled with them, then had to search for another one, but by that time she went back on her agreement because she’s tight on money as well, so it never ended up happening and she wanted to do it herself along with me and if grooming wasn’t an option and it was quite urgent (because it’s matting right?) that’s what we did, and what I did alone as well. I bought him plenty of treated and cut/trimmed and brushed his mats out over the course over a few weeks or so, it was hell. He still has some matting left that I can’t finish myself so I will be taking him to an actual groomer soon.

When I talked to an employee at a pet store about it and told him I was going to cut matting out of his fur because it’s very long etc his reaction was normal about it

But I made the mistake of telling a coworker who we usually talk about cats with (an animal lover) that he had a lot of matting and I had to cut it out he went MATS?! I was like yea then he started ignoring me after that. Like I know matting isn’t good but I truly did not realize this kind of thing could happen, I didn’t see it, and I wasn’t educated in the fact that long haired cats were supposed to have their fur trimmed and/or be brushed regularly EVERYWHERE or this would happen. I know now and I will never let this happen again and I feel immense guilt for what happened but my question is, am I an abusive, neglectful monster for letting this happen? Am I a terrible person? AITAH?","Some of these comments are really exaggerating... I have a Maine Coon mix who has trouble grooming her back. She's had large patches of matted fur twice, so we took her to the vet clinic. They shaved it off and told me that it happens very often with long-haired cats and that they're used to dealing with it. You just shouldn't wait too long, otherwise the skin gets damaged, and that's really not good for the cat. You made a mistake out of ignorance, it's not the end of the world. Your cat is fine, that's all that matters. 🙂"
Aitah for refusing to attend my graduation after my family turned it into their event,"I worked for years to finish my degree while balancing work and stress. My family knew how hard it was for me. When graduation was announced they immediately started planning. They discussed outfits photos and guests without asking me. I was told where to sit and who to invite. When I said I wanted something small they laughed. They said graduation was a family achievement. Every conversation became about their pride not my effort. 

I felt invisible during what was supposed to be my moment. When I suggested celebrating privately they accused me of being ungrateful. The pressure made me anxious. I stopped feeling excited at all. Eventually I decided not to attend the ceremony. I told them I would celebrate quietly on my own. They were furious. They said I embarrassed them in front of relatives. I reminded them it was my graduation. Now they barely speak to me. I feel sad but also peaceful. AITah for choosing myself??","NTA.  It's not your party, it's theirs and you really don't matter to them in this.  Opt out and go celebrate with your friends or someone else who cares about you instead."
Am I the problem. Aitah,"So myself 32M and my wife 35F have been together for 3 years married 3 months. We have 15 month old twins and a 13 Y/o son(bonus to me).

Our arguments have always been the same.
Money.
Work load 
And attention to detail(against myself).

Shortly after the wedding things tended to yet worsen. I have been on the couch for a lil over a month.

Now when it comes to money we make financial about the same. She has the mortgage prior to the relationship, a car payment and we split all household  expenses(yes she can contribute a little more more due to having better money management.
She is with her parents with mobile and car insurance.

Myself I pay the land lease, my high car payment, car insurance, and like I said contribute to household bills.

On financial account it feels 
Like it can be used over my head because I wasn't given the chance in life she did growing up. And can make me feel like I'm a looser because I can't solely provide for the entire family. Which is a goal one day.

Insist is Im From Poverty with parental issues.
we're she is from Middle class that parents were older and non abusive.

Now for work load yes I give it to her she was a single mom that went to school and got her degrees.
And I commend her for that. 

We both work full time. I do drop offs i. Morning for all 3 kids. While she picks up after school/daycare.
Now I just started a new job in the afternoons Sun-thursday 1-9:30 I also do side work semi regular depending and time of year.
She is M-F 7-4.
I base clean the house semi regularly and full clean on Fridays.
But it never seems to be good enough. If I forgot to put a dish in the dishwasher I might as well as do e nothing. If I were to forget to sweep a area that day same thing. 
I have a dog that sheds alot and she in not a animal person(fair enough but our house is not anywhere near a mess. 
Now she dose all the babies laundry and diapers because she want to. 
She will see something that I didn't clean or that got dirty since I cleaned and will tell me to clean it. 
She now cooks 2-3 times a week because of my new shift.
She will give the kids a bath 2 days a week and I do 1 day(use to be reversed)


Now when it comes to attention to detail that's were the fighting stars alot.
There has been a few times(no more the 5)that I've done stuff like left a cloth diaper on the  couch or left a bottle on the floor. And when this happens I guess I'm a useless peice of sh!+ that can't do anything.(not her words but how it sounds 2 me).

Now shortly before the whole couch thing. I have been on a medication journey. I have delt with ADHD and Anger management my entire life.
But I haven't been in the state of anger in many many years till I started to take medication (which i have ceased the Adderall)
But the 13 y/o was suspended for a gun threat at school and was grounded. As I'm heading off to work I asked him to do some extra chores partially as punishment and the other half is he also has daily choorse.but his response was just defiance, backpack and refusal. I gave up I told home he couldn't leave the room. Unless it was choose or bathroom. As I'm walking out he said ""I wish I were dead. I dont wanna be here anymore"". Now I lost it here(I suffer from manic depression and use to be suicidal it's been 11 years in a healthier state of mind.) But I did i saw red i got angry a stormed the roo. A got load I got in his face I made him cry I am sorry I crossed a line. I did not get physical but I did get scarry. Wife tho on the other hand insist I hit him(we have a camera that sees me hovering over him yelling)
I understand what she saw and how it looked. She refused to talk to child about situation because she feels if he didn't bring it up he blocked it out. I know he didn't we talked abouts it and he did lear from it but no it's not the proper way. I promise never to be the physical disappointed that is mom's job. (Partially anger management partially coming from. A abusive past)

1 week later she reached out to her Ex( wanting to remain a friend. Yes I got jealous why would you want to start talking to a ex basically imidiatly after getting married. She did want closer from This ex a few months prior.
And a few months prior I was jealous also so I reached out to him just stating that hr needs to remain respectfully of our relationship. His choices led to him stop texting her at that point.
So In my mind closure is to get answers to close that chapter in your life. Not to rekindle a friendship.

After I got jealous and said exactly what I just said here she locked me out of her phone. We always had access to eacther phones. Then she takes me off the home cameras.

Now ever day after this whole messaging her ex taboggle thigs just seem to be going down hill. She rarely talks to me. She won't answer my text thought the day. She still talking To the Ex. But if I dont hear my phone ring because I'm asleep or playing with the kids or just in general no around my phone all hello breaks loose because kinda like the cleaning I might as well joy have a phone. (Now I've only ever not answered her calls and gotten back to het less then a dozen times in rather 3 years)

So now heris everything at Once. Im trying everyday to be better i want to talk I want to know what I need to do to fix this. I need her to be able to communicate with me. I do t want a broken home i dont want us to be the couple that dislikes each other. Our love use to be strong these arguments use to be pettyish. She won't except my love anymore. She won't show me love anymore. 

I.mTrying to set up a couples therepy. She has denied th advice and from her therepy insisting i need to take care of my mental health not hers.
Now she is willing but I asked before we got married her therapist offered and suggested before we got married.

Now every day since we have been in this hiatus it's directed twords me Why you on your phone you talking to you girl friend. Why are you hiding 
Your phone(I'm not i dont even delete spam messages they just get filtered out)
Seriously guys just as I'm writing this and setting up my childrens Life insurance i have herd that 2 times.

What can I do differently. What do I need to improve upon. Am I worth saving or am I just better off being D.I.T.D

I dont think either one of us is right and  I dont thing either one of us are in the wrong eaither. I just dont know what to do. Kdont want a broken home. I want our kids to have health parents.
Im in love with my wife.
But I dont know if she loves me anymore. 
She hasent kicked me out.
She did slyly say something about more kids lately so I belive she dose still have love for me.
","Just reading the post, you’re making a lot of excuses for yourself. You say our arguments are against me, then you say you’re on the couch, which inadvertently says my wife put me here, instead of there’s a reason she is frustrated, then you said she has better money management so that’s why you contribute less, which is another excuse. Then you said you didn’t have the chance in life growing up that she did therefore.. what? you can’t pull your own weight? You can, you need to believe in yourself.

Then you said I do drop off for ALL 3 KIDS, well, yeah, they *are* your children. But then you say oh yeah and she does after school. Well you know that’s just as much work as drop off, right? So don’t downplay it. 

You don’t actually clean the house then, I’m sorry, but if she is finding stuff all the time that you didn’t do, that tells me you’re half-assing it. She’s sick of the half-assed job, so she does the laundry. Maybe her children won’t have clean clothes otherwise. Not saying that’s true or not but think about it, about why this all is happening with the chores.

Oh my goodness bro! You got so close to your child that your wife thinks you hit him in a fit of rage? WTF? Because he said he was depressed and suicidal? Are you serious right now? Then you are essentially justifying it by saying you have a history of anger issues and it’s been a long time since you’ve been angry so it’s okay this one time? No, it’s not. Apologize, GENUINELY, to your son, and do better. Tell yourself and him, Never again, and mean it.

Yes you need to have your phone on you. For emergencies and communication. 

She should not be talking to her ex. Point blank. That’s very disrespectful to you. She seems 100% checked out. 

She won’t accept your love anymore because it’s been three years of her feeling like you’re taking advantage of her, she feels like she’s doing everything, raising the kids, she’s working really hard, she’s doing so much for you and then the small tasks she asks of you you don’t even do right. I’ve been there. You bring her a lot of stress, she can’t even relax and breathe in her own home. 

I agree with her, that you need to work on your mental health, but she also could use some therapy/venting, and you all could also use couples therapy. But you both have to be committed!!!

Step 1. Sit her down when the kids are in bed. Tell her you’re sorry for how you let her down every day. That you want to be a better husband and father, and partner and friend to her.

Step 2. Follow through. Do what you say you’re going to do. Hold yourself accountable. It seems to me this is a problem area for you. Don’t make excuses for yourself, you’re a grown adult man ffs. You can wash a dish or pick up lint or whatever else is on your list of responsibilities. You’re better than this half way crap you’re doing, half way in all areas, not just household, but in loving and cherishing your wife, guiding and nurturing your children, leading your family in terms of finances and responsibility. 

Step 3. Check in with her. See how she is doing. If she needs anything. Don’t pressure her for sex, just show her that you love her by whatever her love language is, make the effort. Ever heard the phrase “if he wanted to, he would”? Well, then do whatever it is! Don’t be a deadbeat. Be sweet towards her, and don’t ever stop. Be sweet until you’re 85 and 90, and beyond.

And please please be there for your son. He is begging crying out in desperation for help and support. He needs LOVE not being screamed at. Nurture your relationship with your son. Sit down with him and apologize, and mean it. And then follow through. Be a better dad for him. Do things with him that he enjoys, it’s not about you, it’s about him, so whatever floats his boat, and act like you’re having fun."
AITAH for leaving church with my kids after a family member I’m no contact with said hi?,"I have a family member (54 f) I am no-contact with and have been for years due to past issues. My parents (61 f & 71 m) know this and I’ve been very clear that I don’t want any interaction with this person. I’ve told them I’m fine being in the same building as long as we sit separately and there’s no contact.

Today, my parents, my kids (twins, 9 f), and I went to church. Everything was fine through Sunday school. Afterward, while waiting for regular service to start, the family member I’m no-contact with arrived. I had my back turned, and my husband (42 f) pointed her out to me. I saw she was talking to my mom.

At some point, the family member asked my mom if she should hug me. My mom told her not to hug me but said she could say hi. This was done knowing I did not want contact.

The family member then tapped me on the shoulder, said hi, and I said hi before turning away again. She went to sit elsewhere. I didn’t cause a scene, raise my voice, or confront anyone. I told my mom I was going to get my kids and leave, and we left quietly.

My mom is very upset that I took the kids and left and says I overreacted. She also brought up an incident from nine years ago where she claims I spoke to this person and allowed her to hug my kids, but that didn’t actually happen. At the time, my kids were infants in a stroller, I was caught off guard in a store, I had come around a corner and she was right there I couldn’t have avoided her in this situation, and my mom was angry with me afterward for speaking to the person at all.

I feel like my boundary was ignored, and I removed myself and my kids rather than create conflict. My mom feels hurt and says I shouldn’t have left.

I’m not trying to control who my parents talk to or where they go. I just want my boundary respected when we’re together.

AITA?
",Good for you for sticking to your healthy boundaries and leaving. I wish I could be like that! Definitely not over-reacting if that's what made you and your kids feel safe/comfortable.
AITAH for helping my younger brother avoid the consequences?,"Throwaway with slightly obscured details due to obv privacy concerns... Beware, VERY LONG post.

My brother, Jack (M23) and his girlfriend Carmen (F23) were in a relationship for a few years and lived together. I didn't know Carmen well, but met her a couple times and she seemed nice.

My wife and I were eating lunch with friends on a random Saturday a few weeks back, and my *other* younger brother, Chris (M22), called me.

""So uh, Jack's in the county jail.... Wtf do we do?"" He told me that Carmen had called them (him and his GF, Elle, F22), saying that Jack had hit her; she called the cops, but was not expecting him to be arrested that immediately because it was just a bruise on her arm.

So all five of us (Me, wife, Chris, Elle, and Carmen) spent the rest of the day bailing Jack out. Then, we moved Carmen into Chris' spare room until we could be certain she'd be safe.

After a few days, Carmen had made up their mind to break up with Jack, which the rest of us supported. We set up a safe meeting (with both Chris and myself present) so that she could have the breakup conversation with him.

They broke up, I comforted Jack outside, and I thought all was well.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

This is where it gets a bit more interesting. While I talked to Jack outside, he finally told me the whole situation.

The relationship wasn't entirely happy, and this was due in part to the fact that Carmen had not been working for a whole year. She expected Jack to pay all the bills (and her school tuition), but she wouldn't do any house work or pitch in elsewhere. She spent her days watching TV until late at night, and making excuses as to why she wouldn't find a job. Her best attempt at claiming she helped him was, ""I helped suggest how Jack can find a better job""

Now, I'm an egalitarian and all, but I still think that's pretty whack.

Anywho, that wasn't even the main problem. On that night, Jack had been working all day and finally sat down to take a break. Carmen began to yell at him to figure out how to remove a lingering smell that was coming from one of their couches.

Being exhausted and laying on the bed, Jack half-jokingly bopped her with a pillow, basically telling her to leave him alone for a while. Then, Carmen proceeded to *jump on him*, repeatedly hammer-striking his head and arms with the edge of her iPhone (which *he* bought her, mind you).

At some point, blocking with his arms was not working anymore, so Jack pinned her on the bed firmly and told her to stop. She stopped for a couple seconds, but when he let go of her, she decked him square in the jaw.

That's when Jack lost it; he hit her in the arm a few times, repeating, ""How does *that* feel?!"" before getting off her and walking away. She called the cops; he was arrested, despite having more significant injuries than she did (all up and down his chest and arms).

He showed me all the pictures he took at home the night he was released from jail, with the bruises all over him. Time stamped and everything, so I could tell they were genuine.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

Okay... So my conclusion was, ""it's good you broke up."" Both people hit each other. I reprimanded Jack and told him he should break up with someone *before* it gets that far. I told him that men hit harder than women, and that once he was on *top*, he should have walked away instead of hitting her back.

After I gave Jack a stern talking to and some final words of comfort regarding the actual breakup, I went back home to my own wife.

That's where it should be over, right?

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

***Wrong***.

Not ten minutes after I get home does Jack call me, freaking out. Carmen had called him, asking for a sum of money (like 5 figures), basically his entire savings. She made a thinly veiled threat to press charges if he didn't comply. I told Jack to take a breath and rest first, and we'd deal with it the next day.

Tomorrow rolls around, and CHRIS is also calling me, freaking out. His gf (Elle) is a law student; apparently, Carmen had gone to Elle in search of advice, and now the two girls were actively cooking up a plan to use a JUDGE to file some sort of motion that would force Jack to move out of the apartment while continuing to pay the rent.

In addition, Carmen was threatening to press further charges if Jack didn't cough up that eye-watering amount of money.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

This is where I may be TAH. I called Jack, and we canceled the lease, paying the cancellation penalty that same day. Because Carmen was still staying at Chris' house, she wasn't there. So we went to the apartment and moved all of Jack's belongings out, including furniture and all his clothes; all we left behind were her personal belongings. She would be left with one full calendar month to move her things out.

All of this occurred before any sort of proceedings could be filed. As far as our lawyer was concerned, the court's main concern is to keep the accused party from being near enough to threaten the victim's safety.

So, with Jack showing *no signs* of wanting to contact Carmen, having proactively canceled the lease and moved out on his *own accord*, and there being no registered domestic partnerships in the state we live in, the court wouldn't likely pursue this any further.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

Now, both girls are freaking out. Elle broke up with Chris, accusing him of being a DV enabler and spying on them to give me intel. Carmen still has no job, so she's also in a rough state.

Last I heard, Elle has rented a new place (she's moving out of Chris' house). Carmen will be moving in with her. We are slightly worried that Elle will be burdened with providing for Carmen indefinitely; however, she made that decision herself, and there's not much we can really do about that.

So my question is... Are we TAH for helping Jack get out of the financial trap the girls had set for him?",This reads like a creative writing exercise.
AITAH? Overseas friend [M39] turned up at my [F35] house unexpectedly. I got spooked and blocked him,"Per the title.    


So a guy I've known from a personality theory focused (MBTI) WhatsApp group for a while, has been reaching out to me personally the last two months or so.       


Before that, we occasionally said hi to one another, or reacted to each others status since we are friends in the group. He once asked my address so he could send me and others in the group samples from his spice company. That was two years ago. We are all friends (or friends of friends), so i thought nothing of sharing my address.   


Anyway, contact intensified.   


Reason: he wants to do business in the country i live in, and fly over soon. He asks me if I'm interested in taste testing and providing more feedback on the food culture here. I'm excited to help out, of course, it's fun.     


He sends over his package with actual products, wonderful. I send a video of tasting everything and give feedback and all is good and fun.    


We talk a bit about how we are doing. Turns out he is very much into my personality type. I am aware this man is married. I am recently divorced. I put up boundaries and remind him of my position and that i am available for friendly talk only. He respects it, assures me we are only friends, and backs off.    


However, we continue talking. This is where i wished i had been more firm. But he talks about his childhood, his trauma, the ways his personality formed, etc.    


He sends over a second package. This time, he added some fun things, like a card, and a teacup, and a snack with the products. I told him i was going through a rough time, and he wanted to cheer me up. This made me very happy.    


Now he said, he is considering leaving his partner, because she was having some kind of affair a while ago. He says he wants to live in more integrity with himself, and seek someone better suited for his personality type.    


I wish him all the best, tell him i can't be available for this kind of conversation again, and take my distance from him (though i never initiated conversation). He says he understands. Later, he reaches out to me to tell me he needs my good luck wishes because his life may change this weekend, and he will confront his partner and leave her. He says he has feelings for me..    


I tell him to sort out his situation and then we can see where things go, if anywhere, but please give me space and do not contact me until the situation is different. He agrees to this.      
   


The weekend goes by. Then suddenly, the Wednesday after, i get a WhatsApp message from him while I'm at my parent's for New Year's. It's a picture of my house 😱 he asks if I'm home. I say I'm not. He says he brought the same snacks he sent before, and wanted to quickly drop by to drop them off plus some money he wanted to give to me before arranging a hotel... And his business plans were moved up.. (he was supposed to come to the country months later. I never agreed to meeting up with him, nor did we arrange anything).     


I started fawning during the conversation out of shock. Then i started to become very scared. I told him i needed space, that i was not going to meet up with him because i told him i was not available to talk to him anymore until after he sorted his situation out with his partner, and now he was at my door, suddenly, and without hotel plans. It was January 1st.      


He apologised a lot, but then got upset that i seemed to assume the worst from him. He said ""i was just going to drop by and say hi, maybe hug. He is just being a good friend, and is very sad I'm not happy"" . He then tells me he was coming by to tell me in person, that he and his partner are back together after a very good talk past Saturday, and that he would love to stay just friends, and ""set things straight"".     


He says he is just being an unconventional (insert personality type), and sometimes his type doesn't have know how of what's appropriate.    


He says it seems i am triggered, and he will go to the city he needs to stay at, and won't return to my house. He then sends me a personality theory video on why I'm behaving unhealthily, and asks me to please watch it because it gave him clarity on my behaviour.     


I say i never consented to the position he seemingly put me in, and feel like i can't trust the coherence between his words and actions. I feel unsafe, and feel like i need to block him to protect myself.    



Eventually, i return home. He actually did leave me some money in my letterbox. I made sure to stay with my parents until after he said he would leave just to be sure. But now i am wondering; did i overreact? Was i being way too hard on a good friend? AITAH? .     



EDIT: to say, he needed to fly over to me on New Year's Eve, for about 12 hours, and then take a train and bus to my house... ","NTA. He’s being very weird and he wants to blame it on… what, his cognitive functions preference?

That’s a disturbing lack of accountability. "
"AITAH for feeling hurt that my bf of 11 yrs comments on other girls TikToks, on his “secret” “personal” TT account?","I’d love to hear from the men on this one. Bonus points if you’re over 40. 

Background: we share a business TT account, and \~5 years ago I called him out for *our* FYP being full of thirst traps, AND for scrolling bikini TT pages while we sit next to each other on the sofa at night. 

His response was to get defensive, and immediately made his own (not so secret) TT profile. I only know because I saw the notifications pop up on his phone years ago. 

Flash forward to now … he comments things ranging from:

“This fits your personality perfectly” (*how TF does he know some random girl’s personality?!?! This is the most hurtful, tbh)*

“Hi” - *in response to the caption “anyone who comments gets pics sent to their inbox”*

“Where do I see them?” - *in response to caption “who hasn’t seen my b00bs?”*

I fully admit, I snooped in his phone (a grand invasion of privacy, and I found what I “deserve” I guess). His SPARE PHONE (I jokingly call it a “wank bank” - trying to open a lighthearted vibe about porn in our relationship - which he greatly dislikes and prefers to call it an “iPod” for the gym - that he never goes to). 

Looking for honesty, not shame. I have no one else to talk to about this, and I genuinely want to know if this is something I need to just get over. Is this the world we live in now? ","This is the world YOU’RE CHOOSING to live in.  This is the “man” YOU’RE CHOOSING to be with.  No, you don’t need to get over this, you need to rediscover your self respect and CHOOSE to leave this loser."
AITAH for feeling neglected in my relationship?,"Hi Reddit,

This is my first anonymous reddit post and English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry about that. Now I (19F) and my boyfriend (21M) have been together for almost a year. I truly love this man. His humor, how intelligent he is and his personality in general. I really see a future with him and this relationship means so much to me. 

But lately, I have been feeling neglected in my relationship. It's multiple problems all at once and I'm uncertain if I'm complaining too much. First of all, we see eachoter once or twice a week, due to us both being busy with school and work. Now I am fine with this, but when we are together most of the time he is glued behind his computer screen playing games with friends or working the whole time. He barely talks to me when he does and it feels like his priorities are always revolved around his friends.

Second of all, when we text he barely responds. When he does, it's dry and short answers. I always have to start the conversation and ask him what he's up too, but he never cares to ask about my day or how I'm feeling. He also refuses to call from time to time, which is something that also hurts.

Third of all, he never compliments me, doesn't call me nicknames, doesn't really question about my interests and we never really go out for dates. And if we are at his home, we just end up on his bed and don't really do anything. I don't need to be out every week or need a compliment every minute of the day. But I would love to be called beautiful for once without having to hint or beg for an answer.

Despite all of this, yes he isn't my only priority and I still go out with friends often, work a lot, go to school, go to the gym, practice my hobbies and enjoy my free time. 

There is a lot more going on and yes I've tried bringing some of the topics up in the past, but I feel like he doesn't understand me or simply doesn't care. How do I bring this up to him? Because I really love this man and I want to fight for this relationship. I've already asked for some advice around the people in my life, but that didn't really lead to anything. I could really use some help and advice. I feel like I'm complaining to much or that all of this is in my head and it also makes me feel guilty. So AITAH?","It sounds like you are more invested in this relationship than he is. NTA/NAH, but this is who he is with you. You don't have to accept it. You can move on and find someone who will not make you feel neglected. I don't think you two are compatible. A year is not a long time, it's good to find out now rather than later."
AITAH for not wanting my mum to live with me… again,"For context, previously mum left a toxic 14 year relationship. Me, my partner and sister were in a 4 bedroom rental so we had the space for her and we took her in. Mums old house was a drinking house, so when she moved in with us we only had 2 rules for her. No partys here and no bringing her ex around. 

In the beginning everything was fine, mum was helping out cooking, cleaning, paying her $100 a week for board and doing well. Couple months in she starts acting up, her room smells, she stops cooking, stops buying food, starts going to families houses complaining that she’s bored here, that she always has to look after the dogs and she can’t go anywhere or do anything because of it. (She doesn’t even have a car or a job)

Mums ex gets engaged to another women but they’re still in contact calling eachother babe, video calling, meeting up, hooking up. One day while we’re all at work (the three of us worked afternoon shifts) my brother drives past my house and sees mums ex reversed parked in the driveway with the gate closed like it had been a habit and a normal thing since she’s been with us. I message her and tell her to get him out of there. Mind you atp I’m between 3 and 7 months pregnant so she’s added on to the mental stress. We get home after work and she’s gone, we don’t hear from her for 2 weeks and while she’s gone doesn’t pay her board or contact us. 

Eventually our lease ends and mum gets her a 1 bedroom and goes her separate way. While in her own space she’s still seeing her engaged ex while he’s planning a wedding. 
A year and a bit down the track he plans to leave his fiance so they can rekindle, tells her to move out of her place and back in with him. She still has 3 months left on her lease and we tell her to keep it just in case something goes wrong, she doesn’t listen, rushes into it and moves back in with him. 

About a month later mum finds out he’s still with his fiancé and that he never stopped seeing her so she starts smashing up his things and my brother takes her in (he has 5 kids combined btw, 4 who go back and forth to the other parent, and 1 that stays with them full time). His house is a 3 bedroom and mum has 1 of them. They said it all started off the same, mum was good in the beginning then became horrible. 

Now, me, my sister and now ex partner own a 4 bedroom house with my now 2 year old. Ex has moved out so it’s just me, my sister, baby and the dogs living here. We now have an extra bedroom and my brother is begging us to take mum in. I keep telling them I can’t do it again because it took a mental toll on me when we had her the first time especially being pregnant, also me and my ex are going through a really tough time and having her here would only make it much worse. As much as we need the money to help out with bills I would rather struggle than take care of her again. 

I feel for my brother because he has a lot of kids and not much space when they’re all there together but i really don’t have the mental capacity to deal with her again and I’m also the youngest out of all our siblings so I feel like she shouldn’t be my responsibility. 

So… AITAH for not wanting my mum to live with us again? Thoughts on this situation? 

Update: thank you kind strangers for all your feedback and support. I have never felt such a safe space about this topic before because I’ve been criticised for not wanting her around just because she’s my parent, so this has all been an eye opener for me and I am so appreciative. I’ve decided to put my own family and mental health first and will make sure she doesn’t ruin it again. I can do my best to support her from afar but i wont allow her into mine and my babies space again. Thanks everyone 🙌",[removed]
AITAH For kicking out my best friend even though they had no where to go.,"Ok for context I am a 20f living with my boyfriend 29m in a pretty big bedroom apartment in the middle of my city. We have it pretty good we both work, him as a chef and me as a bartender but we make ok money. I used to have a pretty bad dr#g problem a year or so ago, I'm not proud of it but it's needed for the story. 

To my best friend we'll call her Alice 21f and her boyfriend Caleb 20m. They are broken up now from what I know but during there relationship they had fist fights, dr#g problems, money issues and cheating. 

 My best friend and her boyfriend got evicted for the 2 time in 1,5 years because they don't pay their bills and I let my best friend stay with me for free during last time. 
(last time I lived alone)
This time tho she came to me and asked if her and her boyfriend could crash here for a little bit but I said no. 
My boyfriend didn't know we'd already spoken about it and she whent behind me and asked him. 
(he said yes because he thought he was helping my friend).
I didn't feel like I had much to say about it because I had only moved in to his place 6 weeks ago so i bit my tongue and they moved in. 

We had a few rules tho like:
1. No fighting (meaning their ones a month fist fights)
2. No smashing things, even if it's their own things (my bestie has a tendency to crash entire apartments when mad) (we have a cat) 
3. No friends over without discussing with us (even if we aren't home)
4. Don't keep us up (with our schedules it's hard to sleep)
5. NO DR#GS (MOST IMPORTANT) 

Now to what happened: 
My friends boyfriend wasn't so happy with this and during their first 3 days of being here they did dr#gs, in front of me. 
I ended up doing it to, it was hard to here the doing li___#es without getting the itch and I caved. 
When I came to I took a shower while crying and the I got obviously pissed of but knew how hard it was getting out of that so I told them to stop there and then. 
I whent to bed and the next day they where still doing it and had even bought more. 

They got into a fight because of me and her boyfriend left her with no other place to go. 
So I said she could stay if she stopped and that her boyfriend couldn't come back tonight, because I had my cousin from another state coming over in a few hours, let's call her Nicky 20f. 
She said she would go to sleep so I sent her to the room with no dr#gs and some bedding. 

A few hours later when my cousin had arrived her boyfriend called me and told me he was outside. 
(I had no clue he was coming over since last I herd they were fighting) 
I whent and got him but in the elevator he told me about how much dr#gs they had bought together and that they had been talking in phone. 

I let him in to the room where my best friend was and told them nicely that they had to leave. They broke so many rules and it was just not ok. 

Alice started to scream in my face that I was worthless and wouldn't get anywhere in life high enough for Nicky to here. So my Nicky came running in to my best friend standing screaming in my face that I was a dr#g a##ict. Alice said ""look me in my eyes and tell me you want me out on the street"" I said yes, so she took a bag of clothes and they left. 

She ran around my city for a few months telling people that I sent her out in the cold for no reason but to make space for my cousin, and that I was a hypocrite for telling people it was because she did dr#gs in my apartment even though I did them to hours before.

But AITAH for kicking them out. ","NTA  
You don't owe people your peace of mind, let alone a room in your home. You should not have to live with fist fights, dr#g problems, money issues and cheating happening under your roof"
"WIBTAH If I Continue My Court Case? *trigger warning, DV abuse*","Hey there,

Throw away for obvious reasons. I (29f) don’t know if I am WIBTAH or am being gaslight again. I know those closest to me are on my side but they could be bias so I’m coming to Reddit.

My ex fiancé (32m), let’s call him X, called begging for me to not request any child support.

For context, we were in a committed relationship, engaged to be married, I put him through school, the whole 9 yards. I had one pregnancy that resulted in multiples babies (trying to be vague because I don’t know if X is on Reddit) - suffice it to say, we have multiple children together. When 2020 hit, X completely changed. So many lies came to the surface. He admitted half of the lies initially, these ranged from silly things like his favorite soda all the way to his practicing religion - a religion I thought we shared. All the religious practices & encouragements he shared with me, was all fake, things he heavily researched “to get married” to me. So many layers of shock to say the least.

I tried to work through him on the lies, after all it was lying not cheating & we have kids but 2020 proved to have much more in store. He started changing his stories, claiming he never lied & that our conversations were all just misunderstandings - except the religion one, he owned up to that one. But even our couples therapist pointed out his lies.

*TRIGGER WARNING DV* Then the screaming, the shoving & pushing, throwing & smacking began. I felt crazy, like maybe I even deserved it. It all culminated to him threatening to “unsubscribe” our children & me. He even laid out all the different ways he was thinking of doing it & that was the final straw. The moment he brought the kids into it, it all clicked. Got a restraining order, got help from a woman’s shelter & therapy. He underwent a couple of court mandated therapies & that was it.

Flash forward to now, my kids are thriving & money is tight but I’ve worked myself to the bone so they never experience poverty, digging myself into debt at times & other times having 3 jobs at once, working 7 days a week. He has been more consistent with communication for a year or so now but mostly MIA the rest of the other years. 

He has his own family now & is “trying to fix everything” with our kids. We’ve tried to be cordial & I’ve even sent gifts for his new girl’s baby registry, etc. I want to coparent as best as I can. Now he has been saying how child support would destroy everything he has tried to build. I stood my ground on the phone with him but I’ve been questioning it ever since. How he worded every sentence.. I feel like if I keep pursuing child support that I’m going to ruin this other woman & unborn child’s life. He kept telling me how crippling it’d be. I’d like to think he has changed for the better but if there is anything I know about X, is that his most abusive tendencies are the worst when he is low on money. I feel completely responsible for the whole situation now. Like I am the only person standing in the way of this woman having a safe pregnancy & happy home life or a poverty & abuse stricken one.

I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if he started abusing his new girl or their kid when it’s born because money is tight & he is stressed. I’m not trying to be greedy. I don’t want to bankrupt & ruin anyone’s life but I hate feeling like I’m just keeping my head above water. I want to be able to breathe a little.

So Reddit, WIBTAH if I keep pursuing child support? Or am I being manipulated again?

*Edit* To clarify based on comments, I work hard so that my kids want for nothing. They’ve been on tropical vacations & always get what they want for Christmas & birthdays. I don’t care about X or care about his happiness. I’ve repeatedly told him no on several issues before. I don’t cater to him. This instance though, made me question myself. I suppose if you’ve never been gaslit before you can’t understand it yourself.","Child support is for your children. You are not the problem, and since he helped make the kids he needs to help financially support the kids. 


As a fellow DV survivor, I URGE you to get therapy because you are still very much in the part of the abusive cycle where you are blaming yourself for his actions. "
AITAH for manipulating my ex when he was a narcissist (super long sorry),"Me (F19) and my ex (M28) met last year, when we were 18 and 27, while I was at work. He was a patient (not mine) and everyone working with me told me I needed to go talk to him. I didn't until about a month later when I was single and decided it was time for me to extend my branches back into the dating world. So I was scrolling through suggested people, found his name, and decided to add him. He didn't add me back for about another month and when he did he messaged first. We talked a little for a couple days and then he asked me on a date. Now, I know the age gap should have been my first red flag but I have a lot of family with massive age gaps and they are really happy.

 Anyways we went on this date and that is when the lying started. He told me he had to cut the date short to help his dad with a sprinkler system he was installing. I didn't think much of it until fast forward another month and I get a random dm from a girl I'd never heard of. She messaged me to ask about ""time line clarification"" it turns out the sprinkler system was her waiting at his house (he lived with his grandma... I know....) after driving three hours to spend the weekend with her. The next week we spent almost every afternoon together while he was telling her he was with his dad every time. I told her it was me he was with and she explained he was distant while she was over and then cut it off when she went home. I confronted him about it and he came clean telling me he wasn't really sure if he wanted to leave her but after our date he just had to. I decide not to care about it, after all, he did chose me, and didn't think about it.

 Mean while the whole month in between out first date and me finding out his grandma would call me her name EVERY DAY. But I GAVE HIM the excuse by asking ""is that your cousin's name?""  And he went with it. I know I'm dumb. 

Anyways a couple weeks go by and I get added to this group chat with that girl and his other ex. Who he had told me about because she would call him non stop almost every day even from an ""unknown number"" he told me he couldn't block her because they were in middle of a court case over a house that they bought together. I was like okay yeah makes sense and didn't worry to much about it because he'd let me answer the phone when she called. But then in this group chat she sends screenshots of messages between him and her from the week prior (while we were fully together) about how he was going to go up and f her and how I was just a play thing until he was ready to settle back down with her. Now. I know this should have been my stopping point. But this lady was 32 years old (mind you I'm 18) and she was being absolutely horrible to me about ""taking her man"" with the added him convincing me she was psycho and abusive. I thought she faked the messages. I ended up blocking both of them but not before they told me I needed to check his phone.

 Now during this time I was also experiencing my first pregnancy scare so I was super stressed out and with him every day. One day I finally decided to go through his phone under the presence of me playing a game on his phone. What I found was horrid. Not only did he try to delete the messages but left it available for me to restore but he was also talking crap on me to multiple people. Talking about how I was trying to baby trap him (he actively convinced my childish mind that I was ready for a kid and that with only 4 months of knowing each other we should try for a baby, and trying to get me to go off my birth control) how I was just like his first ex that baby trapped him (yes this man has a full ahh 7 year old wandering around out there with out a father) how I was this stupid little one night stand (while he was telling me he wanted to marry me by the end of the year) and how I was just psycho and emotionally abusive (mind you I did everything for this man, his laundry, made sure he took his *antipsychotic* meds, renewed his registration on his car, made him and his grandma dinner, took his grandma to doctors appointments and the grocery store, folded his laundry etc) 

Then all those messages the one ex sent me were all there including nudes from both parties. I confronted him right then and their. Did not yell. Didn't say anything except for ""if I am a play thing you can take me home and consider me donated"" he then refused to take me home (half an hour away) until we talked about it. To which I took his car keys and went and sat my ass in the car and waited. He finally took me home and some how managed to convince me he was just scared if his ex and that's why he did all these things. 

I proceeded to do everything for him, spend all of my free time either with him or waiting for him to finally show up hours after we had made plans. Until finally I was going to the bathroom at a gas station and had his phone. Something told me to check it and there was not one, not two, but three NEW women that he was telling he loved them and sending nudes to. I then played off the whole day like I was fine just to make sure he would take me home because I was an hour and a half away. 

I finally broke it off. After that I talked to a therapist and she cleared things up. I matured enough to realize nothing he ever says to me will ever be able to hurt me again. And then let him break no contact. After I had him convinced I was in love with him again I ghosted him (he has abandonment issues due to his mother or so he says) then after a month recontacted him. Convinced him I would never leave and ghosted him again. Contacted him and convinced him I'd never leave and I kept coming back so obviously I couldn't actually hate him. Ghosted him again. 

Then finally he texted me asking me to have a baby with him because ""he was getting old and needed to have a boy to carry on his family name"" so I am now in the process of drafting up a legal contract for him to sign because all I want is to be a mother and to have him legally bound to give me d1 babies without the ability to participate in infedelity sounds a little good right now. My only problem with it is the fact I'd have to look at his stupid ass face every day. But no actually I'm just waiting until he hires a lawyer before I ghost him again this time for good.

 Sorry this was so long! ","So, NTA to him, he for sure deserves all. But I think you're hurting you so much. I don't know how his mind works, but if he is talking to three women at the time, having one more that comes and goes it doesn't sound like a problem to him. Stop playing games with that man, just stop answering him at all, he doesn't deserve your time at all. 

Now, if you're truly planing to have a baby in despite just to trap him legally without him be able to cheat, YTA to that baby. A child is a huge responsabilty and deserves parents that will give them unconditional love and caring, not constants fights because their parents don't stand each other and are together just for the baby. The kids can always notice this things and it suck. Please don't ruin your future child just to have revange of a man, not worth it."
AITAH for withdrawing from intimacy from my new husband,"nothing on paper is wrong. I love my husband deeply. We’re newlyweds. We’ve known each other a long time but intimacy wasnt in the cards for us until we got married (religious reasons).

I didn’t really expect that when things emotionally felt off / feel off that I’d withdraw so much. I feel bad because my husband evidentially wants to be intimate, and I just haven’t been in the right headspace since mid November. We sometimes fight about things like his family - I wish they were nicer and warmer to us both - and something about the tension really gets to me. I just feel like I’m failing as a wife, all the time, and it’s a horrible feeling.","Withdrawing from intimacy when you feel ""off"" emotionally is totally normal. Pushing yourself to do it anyway will only make you resent sex and your husband eventually. You need to address whatever issues you're having. Don't sugarcoat it with ""nothing is wrong"". Your body is telling you something is wrong."
Aitah for yelling at my fiancé’s brother?,"Am I the asswhole for yelling at my fiance's brother? (also english is my second language sorry if some parts sound off also throwaway because i dont want any of our friends seeing this post) 
Me (28 male) and my amazing fiance (26 female) have been dating for three and a half years engaged for a year! ( and hopefully married soon!) but there's always been a tiny problem with her brother (38 male) her parents died when she was 7 and he was nineteen in a car crash. He pretty much took care of her since then because he didn't want her to end up in an orphanage or foster care (sorry if this isn't the right word for it ) , so he's been there for her for a while and they're super close because of everything that's happened.
 he's also very overprotective of her which i 100% understand because of everything that happened he wants to make sure she's always ok but also she's literally the sweetest person i've ever met. I love her so much but she's a chronic people pleaser. She'll always help out whenever she can so he always wants to make sure people aren't taking advantage of her or anything.
 I love her to death but I also end up saying she can't help everyone and to get her to stop working so hard ( shes trying really hard to be better at this though and shes gotten better shes stoped taking over others shifts when shes already exhausted and gotten better at saying no to people ) her brother doesn't really like me. I would say he tolerates me just because of how much she loves me. 
The problem is he can get really really overbearing. He’ll stop by our flat sometimes just to check and if he finds her doing the housework he’ll start questioning me on why i'm not ( we split the chores mostly evenly. I do the dishes and I clean around the house and she does the cooking and laundry. She's a chef and loves to make new recipes and im a bit biased but i do think she is one of the best cooks out there.) sometimes we’ll swap around chores if one of us isn't feeling up to it. Sorry for the long recap but i figured it would be important information for the story. So as i said her brother normally checks up on her and dose get kinda overbearing and very suspicious if he sees her doing household chores and he’ll start asking why im not dong it and why im just being lazy ( to be fair she has tried to tell him to stop it and she has explained over and over how we spilt the work evenly. Shes always defending me but as i said she's a people pleaser and doesn't ever go to far. Not that i blame her for it or anything i know shes trying to get him to stop and im happy shes telling him to stop even though he won't listen half the time) but anyways to the situation. So this morning me and her were up just doing some things before she had to head to work . she was making us breakfast and i was just checking up on some emails i got ( im a freelancer artist so i work from home alot ) and her brother came over she let him in and they were just chatting until she had to go to work and she came over to hug me and give me breakfast before going to get ready for work ( not important context but she makes the best omelets they're so fluffy ) and after she left her brother stuck around for a bit as i was working ( he was making little like insults about stuff but i mostly ignored it because it was just stupid nitpicks) but then he said ( im paraphrasing a bit) “you know you should really get off you ass and at least clean up. She goes to work all day and she works so hard while you sit here doing nothing.” i tried to explain as i have before how i'm a freelance illustrator and i am working but he just brushed it off and kept saying stuff like that so i snapped and said ( paraphrasing again) “maybe if you got a job instead of nitpicking and trying to tear me down you'd actually enjoy life and wouldn't spend it hovering over your sister even after she's said she's fine and doesn't need you to come by just to try and pick me apart. Even she says she dosnt want you here so take the hint and leave us the fuck alone. You say you care about her but if you did you'd let her live her life and stop trying to meddle in it when you're clearly not needed or wanted” he got mad and left while saying something about how she could end up with an asswhole like me, i think? I didn't hear him very well so it might have been different. I'm just wondering if i was to harsh because i know why hes to protective and im worried about how this will effect their relationship ( i don't think shell be mad at me for yelling at him or anything shes always said if he gets to be to much i can tell him to leave) but i may have been to harsh given their situation and how much they relied on each other after their parents passing. So i get why he's so overprotective.","NTAH. You hit a breaking point after a long pattern of disrespect and, while the history explains his behavior, it doesn’t excuse repeatedly undermining your relationship or ignoring boundaries you and your fiancée have clearly set."
AITAH for not wanting my bf to see his dying dad after he walked out on him and hasn’t been in his life for years?,"To start, I don’t care if my bf sees his dad. Obviously I’m not gonna stop him that would actually be mean and ridiculous. I just feel like his dad deserves to die alone? His dad raped his sister, beat my bfs mom, drugs alcoholic, walking out etc. my bf self destructed for years over this. He always talks about how he wanted a father figure growing up. He wants to visit to get closure but i seriously don’t think he will get closure in one day of seeing him. He’s hoping for an apology but I don’t think you should expect that from anyone ever. I just don’t want him to get hurt but all his friends and mom wants him to go “get closure” which I think is getting his hopes up and thinks this will solve all his problems. 

Not trying to blast their family stuff and I will delete this after I get some responses but I fr care about my bf and just don’t want him to get his hopes up. Doubt his dad will be fully there anyway to have a full conversation. But maybe it will go well I just don’t think he’ll get much from a druggie methhead alcoholic","NTAH but it's an esh. My mom died a few months ago and she was a horrible sociopath that did horrible things. I lothed it but I was there at the end after no contact, made the decision when there was nothing else doctors could do, then picked up and packed up her life. As much as I hated her and never thought in a million years I'd care to be there at the end, I really did need that ""closer."" The day of her passing I gave myself a day to morn not her but the loss of something I never had. Then picked myself up and got things done. Let him make his choice, as much as my spouse hated my mom he was still for me every time I went. He wouldn't go into the room cause he can't stand her but he was where I needed him to be to support me through a time that's extremely confusing."
AITAH for telling my fiance I didn't like how he talked about my weight while discussing strategies to defeat his mom in a game ?,"To make things simple, I will refer to my future in-laws by their soon-to-be in-law status. My (25f) fiance (25m) and his family are athletic, competitive, and obsessed with professional wrestling. My mother-in-law is the ""champion"" of the women in their family. She works out and she's 5 feet 10 inches. She has a six pack and is a real muscle mommy. 

I'm 5 ' 11, very overweight, and non-athletic. But my fiance said I could defeat his mom. MIL and I were to play wrestle on this thick mat. My fiance told me to first act like I can't handle his mom. That his mom is a show-off and will tire out herself lifting and slamming me to prove heavy she can lift. My fiance said it wouldn't hurt as much and it will drain her energy more than hurt me. He said it would be like MIL is John Cena and I'm the Big Show. Implying I'm the impressively heavy weight to lift. 

My fiance was wrong. His mom lifting and slamming me hurt a lot. She destroyed me and won. So I get to hear my fiance talk about how heavy I am just to end up getting defeated without giving any offense against MIL. 

When I told my fiance I didn't like how he talked about my weight, he said I shouldn't think of it that way. That being tall and heavy is an advance when wrestling someone. I told him plenty of women wouldn't want their fiance or husband talk about them like that. My fiance just said I am overreacting. Am I the asshole ?",This family sounds psychotic 
AITAH for considering divorce because my husband doesn’t want to live in the city we agreed on before marriage?,"Hi, this is my first post so please bear with me.

I (F24) moved to Florida a little over a year ago to be with my husband(M23). We met in Florida  when I was visiting a friend, then we did long distance for a while. Eventually, I decided to move to Florida to give the relationship a real try. That’s where he proposed and we got married. Everything happened very fast, but I truly believe in the whole “when you know, you know”. 

Before I moved, I was very clear that my long term plan was to live in Texas, specifically San Antonio, so I could be closer to my family. I agreed to spend a few years in Florida so we could be near his family, with the understanding that once we were settled, we would move to Texas. He agreed to this. 

Lately though, every time I mention that I don’t like Florida and that I’m excited to eventually move back to Texas, he gets very defensive and starts talking bad about Texas. That made me start wondering if he ever truly planned on moving with me . 

Last night I brought up that he never really takes me out to explore Florida, so there isn’t much about living here that I’ve grown to like. I mention something along the lines of “when we move to San Antonio we can do all these different things since I know the area really well”. That’s when he got extremely defensive and said, “ I already told you I’m not moving to San Antonio, we can move anywhere else in Texas but not San Antonio “ 

This completely shocked me because I’ve never hidden my intentions to live in San Antonio. We started arguing, and he wouldn’t see my side at all. I explained that San Antonio was the only major city close to my family( they live about 4hrs away), and that being near them is really important to me . He still refused to even consider it . 

I told him that since I was always honest about this plan and he agreed to it, he should have told me before getting married that he didn’t intend to live there . If I had known that I would’ve thought twice about marrying him. His excuse is that he doesn’t think he’ll find a good job there, but I’ve told him I actually made more money in San Antonio than I do now in Florida, working in the same field. 

We argued all night, and now I’m seriously questioning whether I made a mistake rushing into this marriage with someone who won’t honor an agreement we made before we got married. If I’m being honest, part of me feels like he doesn’t want to move there because in his mind all my exes are there . Meanwhile all his exes are here in Florida, and I still agreed to move here and start over for him, but he won’t do the same for me . 

So AITA for considering Divorce ? 
",NTAH. Get out now before kids are involved.
AITAH for going home?,"So I work at a cafe with minimum wage 
I worked 45 hours last week 
I am working 40this week 
I’m contracted for 30 
I’ve worked 6 days on one off (therapy day) and then 6 on again 

Today I worked 630 till 330
I got asked to stay even tho I told everone I had to be gone by 330 

I worked a 12 hour then closed then opened 

My boss ended up working today after doing afd (14 hour)  now closing and opening tomorow 

She came in and I left and she sempt really mad at me for leaving 

Should I have stayed? I’m tired and grumpy and getting sick 
","Nta, your boss needs to hire more people then, not be mad at those she has who are working doubles for her."
"AITAH for not want to see my Aunt, Oncle and Cousins ever again.","TLDR: Grandad died everyone showed their true Color. 10 Years ago and I am still mad

Before my Grandad died my oldest Cousin (C1) of three helped, but also manipulated him. Mainly that Grandpa spends less money. He had Private Caretaker. C1 fired them instantly as he got the chance and instead put him in a Retirement Home. Something my Grandpa never ever wanted. But everything is okay because something has to be done at my Grandpas House. That was a lie. My Parents and I didn't know about it because we're living about 7 hours away.

When my Grandpa died my mum talked to her sister that I get the Car. Everything was fine the rest of the Will will be sorted out after. When my Mum finally came down there the Car was already sold by C1. Than everything else happend. In the Will C1 did get more than my Aunt and my Mum combined. Maybe more than those two my other 2 cousins ( C2, C3) and my Brother combined. My Grandpa had a good amount of Money. But wasn't Rich. The only real Thing my Aunt and my Mom did get was my Granpas house. Found some sort of great Book of Grudge's. I didn't actually saw it. But my Mum sad there where a lot stuff in it with dates. Stuff like x had forgotten to water the plants dd.mm.yyyy. more a bunch of notes than an actual Book

Someone would maybe think that C1 wasn't that popular in the family after all this. My Aunt and her family called my mom a greedy witch. I don't know what actually happened. Only that my Mum didn't get anything more than half a house. And that the rest was more Valuable.

Later I learned C1 also did get a place of Land thats great for having Horses. C2 has Horses. So C1 let C2 rent it. And still my Mum is the bad one.

But we tried to hold the Family together. C2 started to get in some conspiracy theories. But not to deep but always annoyed for me to bringing it up. She also blocked me when I explained her why you should wear masks and get yourself vaccinated.

C3 talked to me how she isn't homophobic at all. I could hold the Hand of my Boyfriend in public, but everything more is too much. You can't expect that everyone is okay seeing something like that.

All of them never really accepted that I am on a Vegetarian diet. Its just a bit of meat just eat around it. And even when it doesn't kill you.

Also how they sometimes treat my light mentally disabled Brother. The Husband of C2 saw the the really messy Room of my Brother. Opend the Door wide and showed it his kids and told them that happens when you not clean up after yourself.

Everything happend 10 years ago. And my Parents and my brother insist to let it go. That everything is forgotten. And I shouldn't hold that grudge. Personally I would never accept any form of apology. It happened so long ago. No one apologized to anyone. Everyone just forget and moved on until the next will die and everything starts again. No bad feelings towards my Parents or my Brother. Maybe I will make it definitely clear I will never have to deal with my Cousins again.

So am I the asshole for never ever forgiving this side of the family and cutting them out of my life?","Nope. NTAH. Holding distance from people who repeatedly showed disrespect and harm, rather than a single mistake, sounds less like holding a grudge and more like choosing peace after a long pattern you didn’t create."
"PLEASE, AITAH for not wanting to hang out with an extreme introvert?","PLEASE be honest, I want the judgement. 

We have a girl in our class that has extreme anxiety. She never speaks and all she does is shake. When one of my friends noticed this she took it upon herself to include the girl. My friend would hang out with her in her free time and she would include her in our friendgroup. The friend group is now me, another girl, the kind girl and the shy girl. The issue is this girl is quiet all the time and she does not speak. We try to initiate conversation but she doesn’t know how to speak with us. Shes extremely awkward and doesn’t really show much initiative. This is where I might be the a-hole. The kind girl recently stopped going to college and now it’s just me, my friend and the shy girl. All she does is quietly follow us around. Me and my friend are thinking of ways on how to funnel her into another friend group or hang out with another person because things are extremely awkward. We don’t just want to ignore her but at the same time we weren’t even the ones that wanted to include her into our friend group in the first place. I feel like an a-hole but god is it tough to try and bond with somebody that is unlike you, I don’t want to feel like a therapist all the time. I don’t want to nurture her and start conversations with her all the time and try to open her up all the time. Even right now shes standing quietly in front of me as a type, not saying a word unless I say something. Am I the a-hole and what should I do! ","I watched a documentary once it was about people who were unemployable because of a disability. There was this guy who had autism. He never spoke. He was phenomenal. So the tv show got him a placement to test for errors in the code. He found an error and fixed it within 3 steps. His boss said it would have taken him days to find the error and fix it. He fixed it in minutes. Colleagues sat with him at lunch. He never spoke. They took him bowling...he didn't bowl or speak.


At the end of the placement the non verbal guy got up and had his tablet read out what he had felt by the placement. The tablet read the words 'empowering' 'accepted' 'valued' 'friends'.


There was so much going on under the surface they knew nothing about but that guy they felt was awkward, that didn't speak, they acted like he didn't care...found a community in people and felt seen and felt loved.


He got the job because he was phenomenal. But what they didn't realise until the end was that he found a community in work.


You may feel awkward but what is the harm this girl is causing? What is the damage you will cause by ditching her. Hang out with your friend and talk. Invite her. Let her shadow you around. Don't change your behaviour for her. Don't feel pressured to include her in conversation. Just let her be. Just let her be there with you. It doesn't cost you anything to be kind. It might be in time she feels better and socalises more...but i am telling you that you ditching her will cause a lot of damage. More damage then you feeling a bit awkward. "
AITAH for wanting to breakup with my boyfriend over his family?,"so.. im not sure where to begin honestly. but i (19) have been together with my boyfriend, lets call him alex (19), for 1 year. i have met his family but only his parents and sister on some occasions, like brunch or dinner. it was pretty awkward but still tolerable cus yk it was still the early stages ygwim?

so one day, his fam invited me to dinner (8pm-11pm) so i finally got to meet his siblings altogether. he has 3 siblings older than him as he is the youngest, let me give u a bit of a perspective, his sister (the one above him) is 30y/o and married. his 2nd brother is 32y/o, also married. and the eldest is 34 y/o, also married. so obviously they brought their spouses to dinner, i feel like if i tell u that u can get a bit of a grasp on how it went. yes it was awkward. but the thing is, the whole night his siblings did NOT want to talk to me at all, including the spouses. so everytime i try to initiate small talk, they all didnt wanna continue or was just silent. it felt really, really uncomfortable. and not to mention i didnt even talk to his parents that much, yes we did small talk but they were all busy catching up with each other while i sat there and js ate my food. the whole night i was there i just remember talking to alex and play with his cat. it really just felt like you are just waiting for ur parents to stop talking with their friends and go home. BUT WAIT! theres more. his family wanted to have drinks outside, so we went out to get drinks. me and my bf drove there first, and got there first. we went to a restaurant and i requested for a long table that can fit around 13 people? around that yeah, then yk how if u sit a long table u try to sit at the area where the wall is and the others fill in after you? no, they sat at the edge and filled it from the right (i was at the left side) and i had to scoot over to them but because of this, i was somehow the odd one at the table like i was an extra. and still, they werent talking to me. so the whole time i was just dissociating and looking at my drink not sure what to do. after that i went home.

i asked opinions from my friends about the situation and they all told me not to get one bad experience with them change everything, thats true. but i was also invited to a gender reveal event by them and it just happened. let me tell u how it went.


so i drove for almost 2 hours to go to this event, it was held in a cinema the city. ( i live the outskirts of the city) as i arrived obviously i said hello to everyone, it went good at first, but again, his siblings didnt really wanna talk to me but his parents did. so i did feel welcome in a way. we kinda had to wait for almost 2 hours for the venue to be ready, as it had arranged seats and goodies and desserts. when it was finally time, i went in the venue last because i was at the bathroom before going in, but guess what happened! apparently they forgot to arrange a seat for me loll!! i had to sit at the very bottom of the venue as they left it empty to let everyone sit at a high view (for the screen obvi) and it was just. really awkward. obviously my boyfriend was with me at the bottom but i couldnt just help but feel very uncomfortable and unwelcomed. i was personally invited by the parents but it just felt really off. i didnt wanna blame the host that much because she was pregnant! i didnt want to stress her out as im sure it wasnt intentional. but i still felt it in the moment yk?  and after the event ended i couldnt really take pictures with the host or anyone really cus they were all busy so i just said my goodbyes and left. 

i dont know man, im just thinking that one day i marry this man, im gonna have to go through all the trouble of not knowing how to connect with his siblings or maybe its just my communication skills, i feel like i can do something but i dont have anything to connect with them about, as ive only entered university last year, and theyre already married with kids! im not sure what to do, can i get everyone's perspective on this? thank u in advance everyone


[EDIT] 

thank u for all the responses!! i just really wanted insight on what to do as this is my first time ever being in a relationship where family is involved hahaha, ive read every single comment and for sure i will talk to my boyfriend about it first before i do anything as i really do love him. the reason why im overthinking all of this is that im just not that big of a family person, im not close with my parents at all but my boyfriend is. i think i just projected my own insecurities from the dynamic of my own family into theirs. maybe thats why im way too desperate for them to like me because mine dont lmfao. either way thank u for all the comments! <3","You’re not obligated to stay just because nothing “bad” happened. Feeling consistently unwelcome is enough. Maybe it gets better with time, maybe not. But you’re allowed to decide this dynamic isn’t what you want long term, especially this young."
AITAH for wanting to distance myself from my situationship due to his “mixed” signals,"I need some outside opinions because my brain is looping and I don’t trust my own judgment anymore. This isn’t the usual “we act like a couple but aren’t dating” thing. It’s more like we do couple stuff, we post each other, everyone around us thinks we’re together, but we still aren’t officially dating and I’m genuinely confused.

I’m 19F and I’ve been talking to this guy 19M for a while. From early on we were constantly talking, every day till 4 am, updating each other on everything, what we were eating, what we were doing, what annoyed us, what made us happy. Fast replies, flirting almost daily, jokes, games, memes. It already felt like a relationship just based on how emotionally close we were.

We’re very open about how we feel. We’ve talked about liking each other openly and sometimes even said I love you. Nothing felt hidden emotionally.

Things moved fast but felt comfortable. On my birthday he wrote me a long handwritten letter, surprised me with a bouquet which he made himself and a cake, and made it very clear that he liked me.

Because things were moving quickly I brought up the what are we and let’s slow down talk after my birthday. We agreed not to rush labels and to take things slow (his words).

Since then things have been really good. When he gets busy he apologizes for not updating me, says he missed me, and reassures me that he doesn’t want to lose me or what we have.

He asked me out on a proper date. He picked me up, we ate at a small cozy place, talked for hours, then watched a movie. During the movie he initiated holding hands, cuddling, resting our heads on each other. It was affectionate and really really intimate but not sexual. Afterward he said he really enjoyed it and wants to go out again.

Here’s where I get confused.

Even though we agreed to take it slow he does a lot of relationship type things. He’s posted me multiple times on his story including my birthday. When I asked if I could post us he immediately said yes and reposted it with a heart. His friends joked publicly about him finally finding someone. He’s shown my pictures to his friends, his sisters know about me, and he’s even suggested matching profiles and relationship statuses in a game.

From the outside it really looks like we’re dating. No one seems confused except me. Even my friends say this isn’t a situationship anymore “you guys ARE dating”.

If it was just dates and affection I’d tell myself labels can wait. But the posting and social visibility mess with my head. He’s not hiding me at all. If anything he’s very open.
 
And due to us not having this “bf/gf” label, whenever he forgets to update me or just gets real busy it fucks with my head real bad.

So now I’m stuck between thinking he’s respecting the take it slow conversation and just hasn’t put a label on it yet, or wondering why someone would do all of this without saying it clearly.

Am I overthinking this or is it reasonable to feel uneasy about there still being no clear label.","You need to have a real talk about it.

Put the limits and , if he doesn't accept, then take your distance"
aitah for not responding right away?,"there was this argument me (F) and my friend (also F) had a long time ago, and i genuinely think—while i could have responded better to the situation—i was not in the wrong. she, however, does not think she was wrong. if anything she thinks i was being an asshole. so now im going to let reddit decide. was i the asshole?

so one day me and my friend were texting about which fictional characters were our favorites. it was a light, casual conversation and the last thing i said was 

“BUT if i had already called dibs on him he’s mine.” 

which is 100% valid. then she said

“what?” 

mind you, it took her like 10 minutes to respond. and while i was waiting for that message, i did the dishes. then i watched some tv and i waited for the message. like two hours later, it dawns on me that i might have missed her message, and as i pick up my phone to check, i get a message from her. 

“uhm genuine question, do you just love to ignore me or do you just like to piss me off.”

her exact words, btw. i was confused and also a little upset that her response to the situation was so negative. i said

“bro i didnt see the message. believe it or not i can actually set my phone down.” 

i was upset because her reaction, in my opinion, was completely uncalled for. i said 

“overreaction 500”

because i thought it was funny and i didnt want to let this ruin my day. she responded by saying 

“it’s not an overreaction your just a shit friend.” 

it took me a minute to process what she said because i couldn’t believe how heated she was getting over a genuine mistake.

i actually did not mean to leave her on delivered, and i explained this to her the best i could, but she wouldn't listen and kept saying i was a terrible friend and i was annoying and i was lying to her because i texted a group chat but not her. yes, i did text a group chat. that was because i got a direct question that my other friend needed to know about a party i was hosting and when she should arrive. the friend i was arguing with kept saying that what she said was equally as important and her feelings were more valuable. i hadnt even seen what she said to me when i was messaging the gc. and the one thing she asked was “what?”

was/am i an asshole for not replying soon enough and considering out conversation not as important ",Girl bye I’d be ignoring her toxic ass on purpose to piss her off. NTA
AITAH for talking to my cousins ex boyfriend,"Hi! This is my first time posting and I’m not sure how to format this, please be nice lol. I, 17F and my cousin, 16F are pretty close. We grew up together and our families are also very close. Lily has always been the one to be over the top and is why I need unbiased advice on this situation. 

To give a bit of back story my cousin, let’s call Lily, dated a guy in my grade around 2 years ago. I was never close to him but growing up in a small town I’ve always known him. They broke up about a year ago and it was a very bad break up. Just immature in my opinion, no good reason for it. To this day they still dislike each other though.

Fast forward to now. Lily’s ex has been texting me and I’ve started to really like him. We are supposed to hangout tomorrow and everybody in school knows already. She found out that we were talking and flipped out on me. Her family knows and my mom decided to bring it up with lily’s parents and they are pissed at me too. 

I don’t want lily or her family to hate me. I can see her side of course but would i be the a-hole to continue talking to him or is it not that deep?

","YTA. Dating/talking to your close cousin’s ex is messy in a small town, and you knew it would blow up. If you value the family relationship, back off and find someone else."
AITAH for giving my Disney+ account to a female friend after taking space from my best friend who is now in a relationship?,"I(20M) have had a very close friendship with my best friend (F22)for about 5–6 years.

We were never officially a couple, but the friendship was emotionally intense at times. At one point, we were very close to becoming something more, but she ultimately decided to pursue a relationship with another guy. I accepted that and told her clearly that I would step back emotionally and stop acting like a “boyfriend,” since she chose someone else.

During this time, i took some distance for myself. She didn‘t like that.

While we were on that distance, a female friend of mine asked if she could use my Disney+ account. I don’t use it much, so I said yes. There was no romantic or emotional intent, no flirting, no dates, no ongoing deep conversations — just giving login details. That’s it.

When She found out, she completely blew up and said:
I betrayed her
My actions showed she was “replaceable”
That I hurt her the same way I had years ago in unrelated situations
That this was enough reason to cut off contact entirely

This confused me a lot, because:
She is currently in a relationship
She had previously told me that if I ever had female friends it would be okay
I had already stepped back emotionally after she chose someone else
I wasn’t acting like her partner anymore on purpose

Despite this, she reacted as if I had cheated on her, even though we are not together and she has a boyfriend.

Now she says I should have “stood my ground” and said no to my friend if she really mattered to me — while at the same time saying we are just best friends and that she chose someone else.

I genuinely didn’t think giving Disney+ access to a friend during a period of distance would be such a big issue.

So, AITA for giving my coworker access to my Disney+ account and not seeing this as a betrayal?

TL;DR

My best friend (who is now in a relationship) cut off contact with me after I gave my Disney+ account to a female friend while we were on distance. She says it proves I replaced her. I see it as a harmless, platonic favor. AITA?
",You need better friend cause that one is just hurting your feelings.
AITAH  for asking my husband for a divorce after finding out he was still talking to his high school lover?,"I found out my husband was still in contact with his high school girlfriend. This wasnt the first time. Every time I found out before, he promised me he would block her and stop talking to her.

He promised me 3 different times that he had cut off contact. I believed him each time and tried to move on because I wanted my marriage to work.

Recently, I found out he never actually stopped. They were still talking like nothing ever changed. When I confronted him, he said it didnt mean anything and that they’re just friends.

For me the problem isnt just that he talked to her. It’s the lying. He broke the same promise over and over and  over again even after I made it very clear this was a boundary for me.

Because of that, I asked for a divorce. Now everyone keeps saying divorce isnt the solution, but being disrespected over and over isnt either.

So AITA for wanting a stop to the dramas","NTA.


It is YOUR relationship. Do not listen to outsiders that don’t know how YOU felt when he disrespected you. 
He broke the promises over and over. Nothings changed ."
AITAH for getting mad at my bf for saying sexist(?) things,"for some reason me and my bf randomly got into talking about feminism and blah blah and he likes rage baiting me by saying ‘independent career driven women’ are weird. i know he’s joking when he says that so i just laugh it off but then i was joking saying im a misandrist and i don’t like men. he started talking about how men are more important than women in society and ‘professional roles’ or whatever and that women aren’t better than men in anything, basically calling them useless and saying they’re only good for familial roles???? i got offended bc how can u even think to say that to me that’s like the biggest red flag i’ve seen from him but idk maybe im being dramatic ","NTA |  Thats a major red flag, consider finding a new bf"
WIBTAH if I gave my fiancé an ultimatum?,"I want to preface this by saying that my (26 F; autistic) fiancé (26 M; ADHD) of 4 years is an incredible person, like genuinely so kind and would do anything for anyone. 

In February last year, we moved out of his parents house and into a flat on our own. The issue is that he can't make a single decision for himself and essentially asks me questions on how to do the most basic of things. I feel like I am his mother rather than his partner. I know this is unkind because it's not fully his fault (his parents did everything for him when he lived with them rather than showing/letting him do it), but he is a full-grown adult now, and I feel the lack of initiative to learn how to do these things himself is almost laziness. He also has memory issues so I find that I'm reminding him 3-5 times to do very important things (e.g., changing his address on his driving license, changing doctors surgeries, paying his car tax etc.) and he leaves it so long that I end up doing it myself.

I feel myself getting angrier and angrier at him everyday, begging him to please just make a decision for himself or reminding him every couple of hours to do tasks but he just can't seem to do anything without asking me how first, if he remembers to do it in the first place. I've learnt how to do everything on my own with no help from anyone else. I feel like a terrible person for feeling this way towards him but I'm drained. I'm a full-time uni student studying a masters as well as working and when I get home, I just want to relax and switch my brain off, but I never can. Would I be an asshole to give him a set period of time to sort himself out or I will leave? I really do love him, but I feel like I'm losing myself. Any advice will be appreciated.","NTA. You’re his fiancé, not his babysitter. If he’s unable or unwilling to be an equal partner for you, then he’s not a good fit."
AITAH for hanging out with my “best friends” ex,"so for background information this is my childhood best friend, 10+ years at this point. she’s never been a very good friend, we’ve fell out many’s of times over the years especially over men. she was always a bit boy crazy and she never wanted to hang out if boys weren’t involved or she’d forget about me whenever shed think she found “a good guy“ but hit me up later on when they started having issues and she needed a getaway or cover up for cheating on said guys. 

anyways, her most serious ex relationship i would’ve NEVER thought to hang out with, let alone have any interest just as i did with the rest i even turned him down when he had first messaged me that was until she admitted she had sex with my first body & guy that took advantage of me (she knew) & i flew off the rails i didn’t care, her and i weren’t even friends at this point in time sure we hung out little feelings happened, things happened etc. but once we became friends again i immediately cut that situation off Months ago, she got back with him & found out everything just recently . we no longer speak. i feel terrible and part of me misses her but maybe this all happened for a reason.","Light ETA we all have those moments. Some friendships dont last. Ive had that friend thats in their own world before and it just sizzled out, I felt like they never hmu to just say “how ya doing?” Yk"
WIBTAH if I told my friend to stop venting to me about sex?,"I don't think he's going to see this. I have a friend who I've been talking to for over a year now, and we've both been helping out each other a lot in things. Most of the time, he's extremely respectful about it, and he sometimes says I'm better than his actual therapist. (I don't know if I should be concerned on that.) 

Recently, he's developed a crush on this girl, (Not using names so we'll call B.) He tells me about his experiences with B, and how he thinks she's attractive. I don't have an issue with it, and I do like it when he tells me these stories, but recently, his attraction to her shifted into more of a sexual way. Now he's been venting to me about masturbation, and how he can't stop pleasing himself. This bothers me for a couple reasons. 

Firstly, I used to struggle with the same problem, and it reminds me of it. Back then I didn't have anyone to help me with it. Plus, unlike how I was, he doesn't seem to be too ashamed about it, (Besides for the religious aspect.)

Secondly, I don't have any advice for him left, I've given him things to look into, tips to sleeping better, and the safest environment I could. He just won't take any of it, and I'm trying my best.

Third, he makes jokes about how he's ""Not going to ask first,"" which bothers me because I have female friends that went through SA. 

Finally, he doesn't seem to care about the girls he likes romantically or by their personality anymore. B, (The girl he really likes,) has had several boyfriends, sometimes more than one at a time, and has dated people way older than her, she has also posted thirst traps on TikTok, wanting attention from men. He also likes one of B's friends, C. C is extremely mean to me, has bullied me about my family, weight, and more things I couldn't control like she could. She's also bullied my friends, and he knows about this. All he's thinking about is her ass. 

Would it make me a bad friend if I were to ask him to not talk to me about this? Be honest with me.","You need to learn to say, ""Woah, TMI. No one wants to hear that shit."" Then change the topic. And, ""Don't say fucked up shit like that."" Then lecture on consent. And then there's, ""I'm not hanging out with C. I have better things to do with my time."" Then do something without them. 

Now he'll respect it and problem solved, or he'll have a fit and ditch you as a friend, problem solved. Start standing up for yourself.  Not all friendahips are meant to last. Maybe it's time you found better friends."
AITAH for deleting a hookup chat and ignoring the guy after I told him I was done?,"I (28F) hooked up with a guy (28M) recently. It was purely casual.

Afterward I decided I did not want to continue because the sex was honestly terrible. So I told him:

“Hi. Sorry. I won’t do hookups anymore.”

He asked why. Then he followed up asking if we could meet “one last time,” even casually adding that we would not just have sex, we would smoke too. (I was always the one bringing the smoke (well, in the two times that we met)). I did not reply because I did not want to discuss it further.

A few days later he called me a couple of times. I still did not respond.

I also deleted our Telegram secret chat where I had sent him private photos. I did not tell him beforehand. I just wanted everything gone from my end for privacy and peace of mind.

He must have noticed because he posted an Instagram note saying “I will never recover from this.” Then he texted me “Ok. Sorry for bothering. Have a great life.”

It felt passive aggressive and like he wanted to guilt me even though it was a casual hookup.

So AITA for deleting the chat and not replying after I already said I was done?

TLDR: Told a hookup I was not doing hookups anymore. Ignored him when he pushed for “one last time.” Deleted our chat for privacy. He got dramatic. AITA?","NTA, you don't owe that man anything. You didn't vibe, said you were done, and he didn't respect that."
AITAH for not feeling bad because I screamed at a possible homeless man in walmart?,"I personally don’t think I am because of the situation. I, 18F simply wanted to get a pink toothbrush case from Walmart. My grandma drove me to Walmart and I told her to stay in the car since it was going to just be a quick run in and out thing. Anyways I walk to the toothpaste/brush isle and I see a homeless looking guy. Immediately I feel uneasy but I just tell myself to be quick. I walk past him and he leans towards me and goes: “haaaaiiii” with a weird and very creepy smile.

This spooks me so I leave the section and walk away briskly and then I turn around and go back and as I’m reaching one end of the aisle I see him on the other end still smiling at me creepily. I immediately turn to the right and he follows me on the opposite side of the aisle. ATP my heart rate is so high and I feel myself shaking. I’m majorly creeped out rn.

I see a Walmart employee and I tell her “there’s this guy who’s being really creepy and I think he’s following me around.” I describe him to her and point him out and she’s very nice and tells me, “ok let’s just get you your toothbrush case and get away ok?” I say “ok” and we go to get my case. I thank her and she leaves and the second she walks off I see HIM on the opposite side of the aisle- and here’s where it got terrifying.

BRO BEGINS TO SPRINT TOWARDS ME WITH HIS CREEPY SMILE. Full on SPRINTS towards me and before he could get 2 steps in I immediately SCREAM at him and yell, “HEY. DO NOT COME ANY CLOSER.” There was a woman in that same aisle and I scared that poor girl but when I screamed at him he seemed to look nervous so I thought he might leave me alone. (WRONG. And I didn’t want to make eye contact with the creep cuz ik ur not supposed to when people act that way but u know instinct takes over and I kept looking over my shoulder to see if he was still there- which he was and he was still staring and smiling.)

I grab the employee again and tell her what happens so she walks me to checkout and gets a security guy?? Idk he wasn’t in uniform but I told him the whole situation and described him. As we r literally conversing, the guy walks past us and both me and the employee points him out and he’s still STARING AND SMILING AT ME LIKE AN ABSOLUTE CREEP. The Walmart employee is like, “I don’t like the way he’s looking at you.” The security guy was like “ok I’m going to go see the security footage” (idrk why he didn’t do anything when he literally was witnessing the guy being a creep but my brain was just telling me to get out of there.) And I told the Walmart employee my grandma is right onside so she walks me out to get to my grandmas vehicle. She was very helpful, very kind, and took the situation seriously. I really hope that guy was escorted out or arrested and gets the help he needs because that was terrifying. But anyway, AITAH? ","NTA. Basic security guards have to do a lot of cya but if there is a law enforcement officer doing a side gig, they are licensed by the state and have more protections and authority."
AITAH for wanting to distance myself from some family members because I feel angry and resentful?,"I (21F) am considering distancing myself from certain family members, but I’m unsure if I’m justified or if I'm being ungrateful and emotional.

Growing up, I was considered an easy child. I didn’t cause problems, didn’t ask for much, and was often the one keeping the peace emotionally with family. Because of that, I think a lot of my needs were overlooked. I was expected to be mature, understanding, and emotionally available from a young age, and I took on responsibilities that probably weren’t mine.

Nothing extreme happened, and from the outside, my family seems normal and functional. But emotionally, I often felt unseen. When I struggled, it was minimized or brushed off, and I learned pretty quickly that expressing anger or hurt wasn’t welcome. Over time, I started assuming the problem was me, that I was too sensitive or expecting too much.

Now that I’m older, I’m realizing how much resentment I’m carrying. These same dynamics still exist, and I feel expected to stay quiet, grateful, and emotionally available. I’m angry about how much I gave just to be “easy,” and how little emotional support I felt in return.

I feel a lot of guilt even thinking about pulling back. I do love my family, and I don’t think they meant to hurt me. Other people have been through much worse, and I wasn’t abused in any obvious way. But staying close also feels like it keeps reopening old feelings and reinforces the idea that my needs don’t matter.

I’m not trying to punish anyone. I’m just tired of turning the anger inward and blaming myself for things I couldn’t control. I can’t tell if wanting distance is a form of self-protection or if I’m just avoiding hard emotions and being unfair.

So… AITAH for wanting to distance myself from family who were likely doing their best, or am I wrong for expecting more emotionally?","NTA you don’t need an excuse to distance, if they haven’t been fixing that issue with you, then why bother? if it’s a gradual distance, the ones who are more worth keeping around would probably notice and either ask you about it, or would try and fix some things"
"AITAH for refusing to comply when a man shouted, threatened me, and gathered a mob over public parking?","I 23(F) regularly go to a library with my younger brother to study. At night it is cold, so we usually take a car.

The library is inside a house, but the house owner and the library owner are different people.

The library owner rents space from the house owner.

Students pay the library owner, not the house owner.

I had never interacted with the house owner before this incident.

In front of the library is a public park, and outside that is a public road where people normally park. There are no no parking signs, no gates, and no markings for private parking. We usually park there for two to three hours and then leave.

A few days before the main incident, an elderly woman who lives opposite side of the park confronted me very rudely, asking who I was and why I was parking there. She claimed the park and road belonged to them  and said hawk police told them not to allow strangers to park which is a bluff because police obviously have better things to do . She was shouting at me so i told her to speak calmly . 

I told her it is a public space and i can speak to the police if they ever question and inform them about our schedule. Even then, to avoid conflict, I moved my car elsewhere.

A few days later, I parked in the same public spot again.

As soon as my brother and I were getting out of the car, the woman’s adult son (mid 30’s)came out and started shouting immediately. There was no polite request at all. From the very first moment, he was aggressive and loud. 

He said things like he would end me, that he would follow me to my house, and told me to get out of there. So my brother immediately started to record all this on his phone .

I tried to deescalate and told him calmly that we are all adults and there is no need to shout, and that we can talk respectfully. He refused to talk to me and instead kept arguing with my younger brother, saying he would talk to him because he is a man. I kept telling him to talk to me since I am the elder sibling.

His mother joined in and started verbally abusing me, calling me a worthless girl and using other degrading language. At one point, the man made dehumanizing sounds at me like calling a dog, made obscene gestures, and continued threatening us.

Instead of showing any proof that the area was private property, he started calling neighbors and gathered around ten to fifteen people, clearly trying to intimidate us and create a mob. No one tried to stop him or deescalate the situation. All of them were supporting him , abusing us . Even though i was repeatedly telling them that it’s is a public place and we are just students who come here to study and then leave .

Throughout all this, I stayed calm. I did not shout or abuse anyone. I kept repeating just one thing. If this is private property, please show proof and I will move immediately.

Eventually, the person who manages the library came out and asked me to move my car just to deescalate the situation. I agreed, parked far away, and went inside to study.

A few minutes later, the house owner, who is not the library owner and not the person I pay, came out and publicly told me and my brother not to come back the next day and never return. This was said in front of other students.

I asked for my money back since I was being told not to return. He behaved very rudely, mocked me, and told me to shut up in a condescending manner. Told me to not answer him back as I’m a girl . I had no prior interaction or agreement with this person.

I came home , told my dad whole incident .

Later, when my father spoke to the actual library owner, his tone completely changed. He said he did not want my studies disturbed, claimed it was a misunderstanding, and even asked me to come back, which made it clear that the earlier aggression and banning were unnecessary.

I keep wondering if I could have avoided all of this by just moving my car immediately.

But the thing is, he did not ask. He demanded, shouted, threatened, and demeaned me from the very beginning.

If he had politely asked me to move my car, I genuinely would have done so without any issue.

So, AITAH for not immediately moving my car when a man aggressively demanded it, even though the spot was public?",Couldn't you have called the cops?
"AITAH for ""not listening"" to my friend?","A month ago, me and my friend group decided to invite each other out to a party room to celebrate two of our friends' birthday. Another friend and I both decided that we'd meet at 10am — Pretty early, but we decided that so we could have more time to do other things after our time at the party room was over.

When we first told everyone the details, one of our friends— Let's call her Emily, simply sent a ""WHY SO EARLY"" in the group chat. She always sent that when we were planning meet ups, but she never really had any problems, so we didn't think much about it. She even asked us if she should bring her polaroid camera along with her. Until the day before our hang out.

At 11pm, Emily suddenly started to rant in the group chat how she never wanted to meet at 10am, complaining how it was too early and no one had listened to her when she told us multiple times how she didn't want to; When I reread the conversation starting from when we told everyone, I could only recall back to the ""WHY SO EARLY"" message and that was it— No DM or anything, just one ""WHY SO EARLY"". In addition, we never met up in real life until the planned hang out we had, so we couldn't have missed anything she said in person. We could've asked the party room manager if we could change the time if we knew, but we really had no idea. I tried to explain but she kept attacking us; I felt cornered and didn't have the courage to tell her the reason why we picked such an early time, because I knew she wouldn't listen. She always went all attack mode when things like this happened, we try to explain and calm her down but she doesn’t listen to us and keeps saying how everyone doesn’t care about her when we do. In the end, she said she would still show up since she didn't want to seem like a dick for not showing up at the only time we decided to celebrate one of our friends' birthday (which is not true, i don’t know why she said that), when we planned this hang out to celebrate hers' as well. (But honestly, it seemed like she didn’t know that it was for her too when we also asked her for opinions on what activities she wanted to do)

On the day of our hang out, everyone arrived on time except for Emily. When we called her to confirm she was still coming, she told us that she wasn't coming and that she's taking a break from us because we never gave her any sympathy in the past; Said we didn't listen to her when she spoke up and we pretended it never happened when she brought it up again, accusing us of thinking that she was ""throwing tantrums"" and ""she never had a valid reason for crashing out"". I truly don't think that; But before any of us could respond, she left the group chat and unfriended everyone.

It's been almost a month since it happened, and I'm admittedly still kind of upset and angry about the situation. Some of our friends have already decided if she ever comes back they won’t welcome her anymore as this has happened way too many times in the past. I don't think I'm entirely at fault, I know I should’ve asked more clearly— But the things she said are making me feel like that I'm a narcissist and I really should’ve done better as the planner; If I am, I want someone from outside this situation to tell me and I'll correct my ways if this ever happens again.

EDIT: I reread the conversation again and I realised she was never going to say no with what we planned, even if we asked everyone if they were okay with it because she didn’t want to seem like a jerk, then blamed us for not listening… i don’t know how to feel about that.",NTA. Narcissists love telling you that you’re the narcissist. DARVO (Deny Attack Reverse Victim Order.) If you’re worried about being self centered then you’re likely not a narcissist. This all could have been resolved with better communication. She needed to speak up about truly not liking the time and asked for a compromise. Now that you know shes really vague and wishy washy you can be sure to ask the group if everyone likes the plan. Honestly her blocking all of you is a blessing in disguise.
AITAH if I responded to a relative in this way?,"So i'm going somewhere with my parent, but they told me the way I responded to them was rude or disrespectful. 

So she was looking at specific times we can go to a certain place, but the times that are available only took place during the night. She was saying it in a tone of voice where it was complaining or a bit irritated and frusturated.

I then told her, ""you don't have to go if you don't want to since you're complaining,"" mind you I was also a bit irritated because she was irritated about it, and that I also did not mind if she did not go with me to this event. Also I started to ask if there were other alternative places for the event, but she responded in a irritated way and said there are none.

But then they started saying the way I executed my words were disrespectful. 

I dont know what to say since this is truly how I felt and my words immediately came out of my mouth.","My guess is she was irritated at the way you put it, can you remember  your exact words?"
Aitah for ending this or is this how a normal relationship is??,"Hi reddit 
I (29f) am currently just over 1 week post breakup from my ex (28m) after a rather traumatic experience and I'm left wondering whether I was in the wrong or whether I dodged a bullet. 
For context, my partner let's call him Jack, and I, were together just over 2 years in total. I am anxious attached leaning secure -if I feel safe (I have been in a 7 year relationship prior which for the most part was relatively healthy). Jack, i think is fearful avoidant but has anxiety and I think he leans anxious attached, although I believe has real trouble committing.

We met in Australia which is where I lived for 11 years since coming out on a gap year at 17. He was out there on his gap year, it was the happiest start of a relationship for the first 6 months. Completely head over heels in love. There were a few things I couldn't wrap my head around like he would occasionally spend a whole day/night in his room and wouldn't hear from him. I was also going through a separation of buying my house from my previous ex who I had split with 9 months prior, but Jack and I were good and decided to move back to UK together. (We both grew up in the uk so both our families were living there).
Fast forward to 7 months in and I start to see some cracks, we had left my house in Aus and were couch surfing just waiting to move back to uk, sold everything and it was quite stressful, we started bickering and my mood was up and down then I realised I was pregnant. Straight away we both agreed it was too soon, in hindsight I feel I rushed this decision but he was quite clear he wanted the abortion. Mid abortion I had cervical shock and collapsed, he found me unconscious and rushed me to hospital, I was ok but he said he needed a bit of space, 2 days later (which was also a week before we were meant to fly home and start a life together) he woke me up and said he couldn't do it and he needed to go and look after himself and he was having a breakdown and ended the relationship. He flew home that day. He cut all contact. A week later I flew home to my mums as I already had the flight booked and just needed her support.

I was completely depressed, my body was in shock and all over the place from the abortion pill, I couldn't leave bed for a month and started having panic attacks, I have never had/known anxiety before this but mental health problems incl depression and anxiety do run in my family and my mum is a psychiatrist. I went on sertraline and started seeing a therapist. 

Just over a month later, Jack reaches out asking if I'm ok, we chat and go over everything on text, he says the relationship didn't feel right and he was unsure and that my moods/snapping weren't ok and I didn't hold a safe space for him to open up. 
Jack is a lovely man but to his own detriment, he is a big people pleaser and never says things in fear of hurting people, I had no idea he was close to breakdown and everytime I asked if he was ok he would say 'I'm fine'.

We eventually decide to make it work again, work on ourselves and rebuild. 
 In the month apart he had slept with someone and admitted this the day after we decided to make it work, I asked who and he said a random drunk one night stand who he didn't know.

We both move to a town where he went to university and I had some friends. We lived seperately, and he still needed lots of space, he would go back to his home town almost every week/weekend, especially as he worked half way inbetween. We were both dealing with anxiety, and when he had an anxious episode he would say he was having doubts, I'd try and hold the space but it would rock me inside. I was still going to therapy and he went to a couple sessions himself but never liked the therapists.

We would spend most nights together when he was in town and eventually things started getting a bit better, especially as my anxiety was less with sertraline. Our communication seemed better and we would have lengthy conversations if things were bothering us.
I was still really working on not being too moody especially pmd, and being a safe space for him, and I really worked on not raising my voice or snapping. I was still quite needy and felt it difficult that he had lots of space including him going on nights out/boys nights or back to his home town. In hindsight I still felt quite unsafe. I did get jealous sometimes and tried to bring this up in a kind way with 'I feel' and not attacking, but it always made him shut down.
We had lovely times together and we both shared lots of hobbies and we had good flowing conversations. He wasn't great at texting and I probably needed that too much. 

He admitted about 6 months in from starting over that he was addicted to porn, it was only when things got hard and I could tell because he stopped wanting to be physical with me. But I really tried to create a safe space and let him know I was there for him and we would work through it. It did make me anxious but I knew that would make him shutdown about it.

When things were good they were good, but it was a bit rocky and he would have doubts, I was emotional. Then about 8 months in we were at a festival and a random girl runs upto me drunk and tells me that in the month apart, the girl he slept with was a previous Fling just before he moved to Aus, and still a close friend in his home town. I was distraught, and said I didn't know if I could do it as he lied to me... he apologies prefusely for not telling me and said it was a mistake and he basically slept with her, had a panic attack and realised he messed up and that's when he reached out to work it out with me. we decided to push through it. He was very open with me around her if we all hung out and if they ever messaged he would tell me. She new about me as did all his friends and I also became very close with his family. 

It shattered my trust again and I worked really hard on rebuilding it, he was very affectionate and would always say he loved me, he wouldn't really talk about the future too much, but eventually we agreed to move in together back in his home town. It was something I really wanted to do as I love it there but I had already built a community in this new place so was hard to leave. 
In the months leading up to it, I would get triggered and ask if he definitely wanted me too move with him and I would need extra reassurance.. I think because of what happened last time we were meant to move in together. He kept reassuring me but I could tell it was getting to him. I was being extra needy and picking little bickers over silly things. My anxiety was a bit worse. If I said I needed reassurance about moving or something, he would reassure me but shutdown slightly.

Fast forward to a month prior to us moving in together, it's Christmas holidays and he's so exhausted from work (and probably me). I then got the sad news that my father passed away. We had seen him only 2 weeks before. I was numb, and was at jacks parents when I found out. He was lovely and came to my mums for the weekend with all my family, Jack went home for a week and then we flew to morrocco together for a week with some friends (he had invited last minute). The holiday wasn't relaxing at all and I was a bit of a mess and Jack was people pleasing everyone and didn't get any rest. We then go home for Christmas apart and my dads funeral was two days after Boxing Day. I tried organising plans for Jack to get to mine as we were all driving up for the funeral which was 7 hours north. He didn't really organise the plans and would always dodge the questions but kept saying 'I'll be there don't worry'. Boxing Day he went out all day with his mates drinking in the freezing cold. I later that night, asked him what his plan was as my family needed to organise it and it was all quite chaotic, the plans had changed, Jack then goes quiet and isn't answering my calls, an hour later he says he's had a breakdown and will talk to me the next day. 
He messaged me the next day saying how he feels pressured and won't have any rest before starting work the week later, and won't have any space to decompress as I'm meant to be moving in with him the following week. 
I could tell by his message he didn't want to come although he didn't outright say it, so I just said I felt let down but didn't have the energy to organise it, if he doesn't want to come no pressure. 
He then texts and says he's not coming, he will support me emotionally over text but not physically at the funeral. 
I then called him begging him to come as I realised i wouldn't be able to mend one more breach of trust, he just said he's made his decision and he's not coming. He was in massive overwhelm and said some pretty hurtful things like he's unsure again and needs to look after himself. 
The funeral was horrendous, I was having constant panic attacks.
I get home and he had been apologising prefusely and wanted to meet up to talk and said he loves me, he's still unsure but we would be ok.
I wanted it to work but then I realised I Couldn't get passed that he wasn't at dads funeral and that he's unsure of me, so I ended it. 
He was really upset and said I didn't take accountability for my part in pushing him to breaking point. And that we both hurt eachother.
We have gone no contact and I'm so sad. The good times were really good. I know for a fact he wouldn't cheat or do anything malicious, but his anxiety causes him to go into these big avoidant overwhelm states where he can't see the wood for the trees and his actions really hurt. I know he loved me, and I was his most serious relationship, I have heard he was a complete mess over the weekend of the funeral. 
I messaged His ex who told me he struggled to commit to her and 2 years in didn't see a future with her - so I know he gets scared of commitment. She also said he struggles with regulating his emotions and reckons he's undiagnosed adhd. 
I'm so so confused as I didn't see the breakdown coming and when we were good we were really good.","You seem to have a lot of empathy and compassion which also seems to make you excuse and tolerate poor situations. Being thoughtful and fair and giving the benefit of the doubt is commendable, but can also be draining. It’s good to be able to analyse a situation but you seem to use therapeutic speak and analysis to rationalise and diagnose things, to your detriment. Additionally, much of it is supposition. In many instances he didn’t even have to give excuses for his behaviour because you created your own excuses on his behalf, all the while suppressing your own needs, emotions and feelings to make him feel okay. You didn’t want to be too much for him. Meanwhile he didn’t make an equal amount of allowances for you. 

You have been through so much. Sometimes you just need to focus on yourself and take care of your own issues and your own mental health and exhaustion, and let the other person figure out their own issues and handle them independently. 

Your ex sounds quite exhausting and seems to have many demons. You needed to let him go. He requires more energy than you should have to give. He needs serious therapy and to take responsibility for the path of wreckage he creates and leaves behind. NTA"
AITAH for not giving money to a relative in medical emergency?,"One of my relatives asked me for 3 lakhs INR for a medical emergency. I was shocked because they had recently borrowed money for another medical issue.

I can arrange the money, but I would need it back. In the past, my close family members have lent them money, and none of it was ever returned. They have two adult kids (25 and 28) who don’t earn yet. The father survives on a pension, and I later found out they had received a large retirement amount that is now gone.

I didn’t say no directly but told them I can’t give the full amount. I feel guilty, but I also can’t afford to lose 3 lakhs. Now they’re saying, “You said you’d take care of everything,” which I never did I only said we’d see what could be done.

I know this is a real emergency, and they do need help. I can give some money, but not the full amount. I don’t want to see them suffer, but I also don’t want to lose the money or damage the relationship.","IF this relative already has an unpaid debt to you (and apparently others), there's no reason to give them more.  Also, the explanation is easy:  ""I love you and want to help, but you don't repay people when you say you will, and I'm not in a financial position to give this as a gift"".

It's tough when it involves a medical emergency, but the problems here didn't just crop up.  There's a history behind it, probably involving bad spending habits.

NTA."
aitah for yelling at my bf abt drug use,M16 started smoking weed a lot more lately. and it’s been bugging me bc of my past relationships with just bums. i fell in love with this sober awesome funny guy. now i smoke weed but i’ve been sober bc of school a while ago i F17 brought up the idea of tripping for an art project. and he flipped his shit. he would always get mad at me for wanting to trip so i stopped. now tonight like. 4 months after his last freak out abt me tripping he texted me he wants to trip and i’m disappointed. i’m disgusted. he literally yelled at me for wanting to trip now he’s turning into someone i don’t recognize and telling me he wants to trip. i yelled at him and now i wont talk to him. i know it seems like a small deal but i dated bums my whole life now i see him turning into one and that was the final straw. i’m really upset but idk if im the asshole,"Also, ya'll are minors. Drugs are so destructive."
AITAH for refusing to hug my own mother?,"
Some context, I am a 35 year old female and my mother is 60. We are both Mexican-Americans so the tradition of greeting people with a hug and a kiss on the cheek is ingrained in our culture.

Growing up, I have never been a fan of this. Being forced to physically greet people never came easy to me. I honestly don’t know why I don’t feel comfortable doing that. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that it’s OK to not want to have any physical contact with people. So you can imagine how this has been complicated as I’ve gotten more comfortable advocating for myself. 

But if you know anything about Mexican culture, this is something to be frowned upon. Having your own agency and advocating for yourself is considered a negative trait. (a much longer story for another day)

Another thing to know is that the relationship between me and my mom has not been the healthiest. I am pretty sure she has some sort of resentment against me. Being the eldest daughter has its own struggles. Iykyk

With all that being said, last night I visited my parents and my mom demanded a hug from me. I finally stood my ground and said I don’t feel comfortable doing that. I did not raise my voice. I presented it to her very calmly and gave her time to talk. She got so offended that she locked herself in her room the entire time I was there. My sister and dad didn’t seem all that phased because this is something she regularly does when she does not get her way. She is very immature.

In the past, when we greet each other, she forces a hug and kisses me on the cheek. And I just stand there while it happens. This has been going on for a few decades at this point.
Ever since I was dating my husband, my mom would ask him if I ever hug him or show any type of physical affection. He reassure her that I do. But my mom doesn’t believe him and she feels sorry for him. Always making me out to be the villain. In reality, I have no problem hugging my husband. In fact, I am very much attached to him and lovley touch him anytime I can.

Which makes me wonder why I cannot do the same for other people. Is it simply because I think it’s empty to physically greet somebody? Or, to go back to the original question, because I just don’t feel any affection towards my own mother? 

Another thing to add is that right now my husband and I are renting a home from my parents. And any interaction I have with her is like walking on eggshells because I have such a fear of one day her just snapping and wanting to evict us for no particular reason. We are currently renting month-to-month, but my mother refuses to sign any paperwork stating that. (I know this is not good on all fronts but that’s a problem for another post)

Which brings me to this question, am I being asshole for not physicality greeting my mother? ","Sooo, I come from a similar background, so I feel for you a bit. My mom was the strong, conservative, religious, rancher type, she left home at 14.

Anyway, I think you should go to therapy. The fact that you can easily show physical affection for one side of the family but specifically not the other suggests there’s a broken relationship there.

Even though I went to therapy, there are still things I don’t like to do with my mom. To be honest, I don’t really talk to her unless she reaches out first. Before therapy, I would just ignore her. I ignored her for six years after leaving home.

In therapy, I learned that maybe she is the way she is because that’s how she coped with her own trauma, and she may have genuinely believed that her approach was what I needed to “grow up” the right way.

I talk to her now because I’m empathetic to what she likely doesn’t even recognize in herself, but I’m more cautious. I step away when it feels appropriate."
AITAH for being the reason a girl lost her friends after exposing her to them?,"this is my first post because i watch smosh read reddit stories and thought i could come see how people think of this, im also a rambler so this might be confusing.

I (17f) am a junior in high school, i am the second oldest of four kids, my youngest brother, well call him jay for this, is thirteen and in seventh grade. My family has always had suspicions that jay was gay, he was always really sassy and flamboyant, he would steal mine and my sisters princess dresses and makeup, and my whole family is completely accepting of this and now at 13 he knows he likes boys.

Now moving on to my “friend” ill call her may(18f) she and i were friends for a year before things started to change about her, she started thinking it was funny to yell at strangers and make fun of them in public, home wreck relationships, and go as far as to start saying slurs. I have really strong morals and have voiced that i dont like it and eventually we drifted. She became friends with a girl who has quite the reputation for being problematic, ill call her kate(16f).

may wants to be an influencer and has 20k followers on tiktok. She went live with kate and started prank calling numbers people put in chat. For more context may loved jay so much and had his number, earlier i found out she was talking about me behind my back and her apology included,”wait but will jay still have taylor swift singalongs with me 🥺” like girl you are half a decade older than him goodbye.. Anyways they prank called my little brother and called him a plethora of homophobic slurs until he said “may i know its you” they ended the call and the live immediately.

When i was told this happened i texted may and said what i needed to say, she continued to throw kate under the bus(granted kate was the one saying it but may encouraged it and was laughing along) i got half assed insincere apologies and so did jay. kates apology was the worst, she texted jay and said “sorry for calling you a (f slur) man, i didnt know it was u 😥” which pissed me off even more, so when school came around i told my friends about it, who told more people.

Most of kates friends are gay and when they heard they havent talked to her since this incident. Ive talked about it a good amount for a few days after because she disrespected my brother and blew it off so yes i was dragging it on for a few days.She went around calling me names for not forgiving her and telling her friends what kind of person she is, so i sent her a dm and confronted her. Everyone told me i shouldve been meaner but im not the type to get into drama so i was blunt with it but respectful (in my opinion) but now shes saying such disrespectful things about me. She sits alone at lunch or goes to a classroom during it now and im not sure if im the asshole, honestly even if i am i dont feel bad. She did that to herself she should learn not to harass little boys on the internet. But does me telling people about it make me an a-hole?

Edit: I dont know how to use reddit tbh i wanted to submit a screenshot of what i said to her but i cant so ill copy and paste

“This is (my name) I'm not saying much to you because this is going on for too long and I'm quite literally sick of it.

YOU called my brother a slur, whether you knew it was him or not whether you called him one or just said he sounded like one none the less it's offensive do not downplay the way you made my entire family feel. You do not have the right to feel upset that I did not forgive you, I have no right to, my brother is still not okay with what you said so I'm not, and do you really expect me to let it go when you talk the most shit about me to anyone who will listen? (friends name) overheard you calling me a bitch and that's something I'm definitely not gonna let go of. Stop talking about me and I'll let it go. you know nothing about me and your friends know nothing about me so you have no right to comment on what kind of person l am, because no matter how bitchy i can be I would NEVER call anyone any kind of slur especially live on the internet, that's where we are different

Don't talk to me or about me again I'm not beefing with you over this, YOU were wrong so take accountability and move on”","Okay so NTA.
No because why is a grown ass woman being homophobic to a little ass kid then gets mad when her secrets out? Thats deadass all on her and shouldn’t have done that."
AITAH for feeling like I’m missing out on life because of my long-term relationship,"
I am 23F and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend 25M since I was 17 or 18. It’s going into 7 years now. We live together in a one bedroom apartment and while we’re committed I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve missed out on the dating and exploring part of life

Before him I only had one other semi serious relationship in high school that lasted about a year but it was unstable and we broke up and got back together a few times. Other than that I’ve basically only been with him

He on the other hand had multiple relationships before settling down with me. I feel like I never got the chance to date other people figure out what I like or experience my early adult years freely. After 6 plus years there’s still no proposal no real progression besides a promise ring I had to push and talk about many times even threaten to leave if I haven’t seen any progress and so it honestly doesn’t feel fully valid. 

I still love him and care for him deeply but I realize part of me stays because of the history the comfort and the bond we’ve built over the years. If he proposed tomorrow I’d probably feel trapped. I’m scared I won’t find that same comfort with someone else but I also feel like I’m sacrificing part of my own life and experiences by staying

Am I wrong for feeling like I’m missing out and wanting to explore life outside this relationship even though I still care for him


*Im not asking for you all to come at me all I’m asking is for word of wisdom and advice. I just want to know if what I’m feeling is wrong * ",This isn't an AITAH post. For the actually question. Sometimes the grass is greener and sometimes it isn't. Your life and choice.
AITAH for getting a kid I babysit a birthday present,"I (18F) have been babysitting a girl (7F) for like 6 months now. Very sweet kid. I have a form I require all parents I babysit for to fill out with general information like emergency contacts,health issues I may need to know about,allergies etc. As well as their date of birth. 

A few weeks ago I was contacted by the mother of the girl asking if I could babysit today. I agreed I had lost the sheet I keep of the emergency numbers for her specifically so went onto the document to write them down I then saw it was going to be her birthday on the day I babysat her. 

I thought it would be a nice suprise to get her a little birthday gift. I got her a cute little doll. When I picked her up from school I gave it to her. She asked if it’s because it’s her birthday. I said yes happy birthday. Looking back she didn’t have a very big reaction but I didn’t really notice at the time some people just don’t have big reactions to things and I don’t overthink peoples reactions.

When we arrived at her house she played with the doll and I got her a snack and put on the Tv for her. After a few hours her mother returned home and asked where the doll came from. The daughter said I gave it to her. I said yes just a little something because I noticed it was her birthday.

The mother was really upset and I was confused by her reaction. She took the doll off of the kid and said they don’t celebrate birthdays. I felt so bad. I didn’t even realise people don’t celebrate birthdays. She told me to take the doll back so I did. She said to never do something like that again or she’ll have to find a different babysitter. I told her of course and to send me a list of rules and I’ll promise to stick to them from now on. 

She messaged me saying not to do anything related to Christmas,New Years,Halloween,Birthdays anything celebratory like that. I said of course no worries. She then called me saying she knows I didn’t know but in any circumstance it would be inappropriate to get a kid a birthday present without even consulting the parent. And it’s weird of me to do. I again apologised saying I promise I didn’t mean to upset them or go against their values. But she said I did anyway though and how would I like it if I had a kid and someone completely violated my trust by going against my way of life.

I said I would hate that. And she said I should think before I do things. I said I definitely will in future. She hasn’t yet paid me she usually pays right after I leave. 

Is it a common thing not to celebrate these things? I never knew people didn’t celebrate birthday. I knew about holidays but birthdays I had no clue. ","**NTA.**

You acted kindly and with good intentions based on information the *parent herself* provided. A small, age-appropriate birthday gift from a babysitter of six months isn’t weird or inappropriate in most households — it’s normal and thoughtful. You immediately apologized, complied, asked for rules, and respected their values once you learned them. Continuing to scold you, threaten your job, and withhold payment crosses a line. Not celebrating birthdays is uncommon, and you had no reasonable way of knowing. You made an innocent mistake, handled it maturely, and don’t deserve to be treated like you violated someone’s “way of life.”"
AITAH for being annoyed by my husband struggling?,"I (44F) have been married to my husband (46M) for almost 13 years, together for 15.5 years and we have two kids - 7M and 9M. For the entirety of our relationship I’ve been the breadwinner and there have been several long periods when he didn’t have a job at all. 

In 2022 he had his kidney removed because it was blocked and failing and had a cancerous mass on it. They got everything out with surgery and no additional cancer treatment was necessary. Two years later he had his gallbladder taken out also. The same time he was dealing with his kidney issue, the company he worked for was bought out and he decided that instead of continuing to work there in a slightly different capacity and a little less pay, he would take severance and leave. I gave him about 3 months to recover from his surgery before I mentioned that he might want to start looking for a job. To which he replied “I’m on vacation.” 

Fast forward six months, unemployment ran out and I had to scramble to figure out how to pay the bills because even though I make good money, we still needed his income to stay afloat due to not having much savings. (I have since been working to get us out of debt and into a good financial position with virtually no participation from him).

I told him he had to make some money so he started doing food delivery. About a year into that, making about $200-$300 a week on average, I came up with the idea that maybe he should start a business since he didn’t want to work for anyone and didn’t want to go to an office. I did everything to get the business up and running, created the LLC, the website, ordered business cards, etc. while he took the necessary certification courses he needed. He got his certification and did absolutely nothing to get the business going so it failed and he never made any money. 

A full year later he still didn’t have a full time job. He also did nothing additional the whole time he was out of work to help with the kids or the house and would sleep half the day. I had to juggle being on meetings and having my 4 year old begging for my attention while he slept because we only had afternoon childcare at the time. I also do everything around the house including car maintenance, taking care of the yard, fixing things, cleaning up after everyone, taking kids to activities, etc. 

He had 2 job opportunities that he refused to pursue because it would be too much work and at that point I was ready to divorce him. He finally got a job last week (after over 3 years of no full time job) and is constantly freaking out about everything. It’s like being married to a teenager, you would think he was the first person in the world to have a full time office job or have to learn something new in their 40s. 

He blames everything on his kidney surgery which I think is a poor excuse. I had my womb taken out and it hasn’t affected me anywhere close to how his kidney surgery has apparently affected him. He also blames just being a man in his 40s. He seems to blame everything else but himself for the position he’s in and is constantly saying the universe is out to get him. I have grown resentful of his parents for raising useless adults (none of their three kids in their 40s has full time jobs, and two live off the government when they’re perfectly capable of supporting themselves and had every opportunity to succeed). I’m not sure what to do because I just have no sympathy and want him to just man up and deal with things and take responsibility for his life and his family. AITAH for not being able to be supportive while he’s floundering around trying to be an adult?","NTA. Sounds like he is depressed, but not really trying to do anything to help his situation. It also sounds like you are really frustrated and exhausted from carrying the load and it’s growing into contempt. I think you both should consider counseling or else divorce might be in the future if changes aren’t made."
AITAH for leaving my mom’s house during the holidays and booking an Airbnb after she was rude to me and my partner?,"I (21M) came back to Brazil from another country to spend the holidays with my mom (50F). I don’t live here anymore, and this trip was specifically to see her and spend time together. I brought my partner (24F) with me.

While staying at her house, she repeatedly made rude and mean comments toward me and my partner. It wasn’t just one incident, it kept happening, and it made the environment really uncomfortable and tense. Such as ""your partner is a burden for you and you're too young for that"" (she has chronic illness), ""you gained weight and you're making your partner fat too"", etc.

On our third day here, I sent her a message about her rude comments and glares, asking for her to treat us decently and nicely. She answered saying she would do that and treat us well and with love and affection. Which she followed through for half a day and then stopped.

We initially thought we'd have more privacy and spend the holidays at her farmhouse that has a pool, or maybe even my old apartment (she owns 3 properties), but instead we had to stay in her new apartment together with her and my stepfather. Because of that, I told her that we wouldn’t be staying at her house anymore and that my partner and I had booked an Airbnb with a pool in another city for the rest of the holidays. I explained that I still loved her but we wanted some privacy and a place to swim because it's too hot right now.

She completely freaked out. She called me selfish and said that because of my “decisions,” she would no longer send me any rent money. She said she would still love me and that I’d still be her son, but that she would only pay for my studies from now on. Which, btw, I'm extremely grateful for.

After I left and went to the Airbnb, she then sent me a video of herself crying and enraged, ripping up all my baby photos and saying she never had a son and that I don’t have a mom anymore.

I called my stepfather to try to calm the situation and asked him to talk to her and let me know how she was doing, but he never messaged me back. I had also sent my mom an audio message trying to calmly and briefly explain myself. She listened to it but didn’t reply.

Now I’m wondering if I handled this wrong or if leaving and getting space was justified.
So… AITAH?",Your Mother sounds like she has some issues and feels the need to compete with your partner. NTA
AITAH for wanting to be this girl's friend before I blocked her?,"Back in 2023, I (M15, then bigender 13) used to make content on YouTube, and one of my biggest fans was a Brazilian girl (F13, then F11) who I'll call ""Emi"" (short for Emilia). She would always comment something positive on my videos.

  
Since I was born a girl, bigender, and Emi was Christian, I'd just let her call me a girl.

  
Anyway, we became quite close and we would tell each other about our family life, people we found attractive, boyfriends, crushes, etc.

  
I helped her with English and she helped me with Portuguese. I can write some Portuguese now without needing a translator but not fluently.

  
Well, she began to have feelings for me and questioned being bisexual, but I felt uncomfortable dating an 11-year-old at 13 because someone told me it was iffy.

  
Eventually, we lost contact in like 2025, and she deleted WhatsApp, where we texted, so I messaged her again on YouTube. She seemed very excited to see me. I asked what social medias she had, and she said Facebook and Instagram. Oddly enough, Emi wouldn't accept the request, so I messaged her on Instagram.

  
About 7 months later, in November 2025, she finally accepted the request but started acting dry, only saying ""Yes"" ""no"" ""I don't know/IDK"", and ""maybe"".

  
I asked her what was wrong and if we were still friends, but she blocked me. My friend ""Carmen"" (F15), who was following Emi, asked her why I was blocked. She went on an alternate account, sent insults and threats to me, saying we weren't friends anymore, I was being annoying, and that I should stop texting her (which I already did). She also told me to disappear, shall we say, and told my friend that I was just a dumb dog.

  
AITAH for wanting to be her friend in the first place again? I didn't know she had changed so drastically but I left her alone when she sent those nasty things.",No idea why she randomly switched on you but maybe there’s more to this that we aren’t aware of
AITAH for not wanting my husband to bring a gun home?,"I have told my husband repeatedly that I do not feel comfortable with a gun in our apartment and that if he wants one, he can live somewhere else or keep it somewhere else not around me. I've probably had bad to say this a dozen times now. 

Yesterday he got a gun and when he came home I asked him where it was and he said he left it at work. 

This morning I thought he could be lying so I checked his bag and it was there. 

I woke him up and told him this is not okay and to get rid of it and he said he pays rent to he can have it and that he doesn't have to listen to me. 

Am I the asshole?","You're allowed to set boundaries for yourself. You're allowed to leave him if you don't wanna live around a gun. Not sure how the battle cry of this sub is always you can leave anyone for any reason until a gun gets involved and now you have to stay and compromise. Nope, you can still leave if youd rather."
AITAH for using my roommate's groceries to feed my friends and giving her money to replace them.,"I 22F love in a condo my parents bought for my brothers, my sister,and I rouse while we went to university. They did this to save money on dorms and a meal plan. Also to have an investment property after we were all done school. All four of us have used it and except for the years when my brothers and my sister and I overlapped they always had the other room rented out to other students through our church and community. This is only tangentially important. 

My current roommate is a sophomore and she is a little wild. Nothing wrong with that. She goes out a lot but she is a good roommate in general. Except for one thing. She uses up my groceries all the time and leaves me money to go buy more. It's always enough to cover what she used and sometimes more than enough. Like me her folks subsidizing her life. So it isn't a huge problem except for my time going to Costco or wherever. 

On Thursday my boyfriend and I were using a rotisserie chicken to make supper for friends we were having over to play boardgames because we all had no classes that Friday.. When we got into the house my chicken was gone along with some of the other groceries we had bought. My boyfriend suggested we just order delivery. But I was kind of pissed off that she would do this with food I had set aside for this. 

I looked in the fridge to see what we could use up and there was some ground beef thawing out. So we made up loaded nachos. When my roommate got home she was angry and asked to speak with me privately. We went to her bedroom where she tore into me for using her groceries. Pretty darn ironic I think. I already had the money ready to replace her beef and chips and stuff we used. She said she didn't have time to go shopping before her friends showed up to eat and pregame before going out. 

She took the money and ordered takeout but she is still upset. On Sunday we had another talk about it. She says that we will not use each others groceries anymore. She is upset because the takeout was more expensive than the groceries and she was short money for groceries this week. I pointed out that she had eaten my food on multiple previous occasions. She said it was different because I have a car and my parents' credit card. Her parents give her access to a bank account but they track her money to see how she is spending it. 

She is so mad she wants to move out. I think it's an overreaction myself but I can't control how she feels. I asked her if she was seriously this upset over food. She said yes. So I told my parents that they might need a new tenant in the fall.  I'm going to law school so I have a few more years here. It got back to her parents. It became a whole thing. 

Now she is also upset that I complained to my parents and got her in trouble which is not what happened. 

I don't think I was wrong to use the ingredients since she had done it in the past. I also don't think I was wrong to tell my parents about a new tenant. ",I would help her pack.
AITAH for even applying?,"Context: I applied for a pt bartending position at a small restaurant in a small town that specializes in fancy beverages 

I am a recent college grad and at the time needed a pt job to make some extra cash, I have waitressed since I was 16 and worked in multiple bar settings as well as managed one. Nothing overly fancy, college type sports bars with occasional specialty drinks offered. I applied for this job to be a bartender/server as stated in the description, I let the GM know ahead of time that I wasn’t working in an upscale bar prior, just casual normal bar. 
I show up for my interview, immediately I’m greeted by another server and she tells me that the GM and owner are currently in a meeting but should be done in a few. 
I sat for around 30 minutes waiting for someone to come begin my interview, finally the owner walks up to me before even saying hello and states “looking over your resume I would simply NEVER hire someone that had only worked at a college bar.” 
I said nothing, I got up and walked out, jaw to the floor. 
I was embarrassed due to this being in front of employees and customers, I never imagined being belittled due to the type of restaurant I had previously worked in, if it was the Ruth’s Chris then sure, but a little restaurant in the middle of nowhere? I was baffled. 
I still think about this woman and the way she made me feel and it makes me feel sorry for the people that do work for her. 
AITAH for even applying and thinking that I was “qualified” enough for this position? 
",The fuck did they even schedule an interview for???
AITAH for being upset at my friends not staying the night for my bday,"I’m gonna start off saying that this is my first post on here so I’m sorry if it’s not written properly. I, 17f am turning 18 on Sunday. I invited my close friends to come over Saturday to celebrate with me. When I texted the group chat I made, no one said anything at first. I had to send multiple texts saying for them to let me know if they are coming. G and M didn’t say anything. I’m not that close with G but she is closer with other friends and I was talking about my bday infront of her. Anyways I texted M if he was coming. 
“Are you coming to my birthday cuz if not I’d like to know sooner than later lol” -me
“I don’t think I’ll be coming” -M
“Why and couldn’t you have just said that in the gc lol”-me
“I didn’t know what I was doing” -M
“What does that mean?😭” -me
“I didn’t make up my mind”-M
“Wait so you didn’t make up your mind till now?😭 also do you know if G is coming” -me
“She’s prolly not going to go” -M
“Okay”- me
I was upset because two weeks before that was our friend Q’s birthday. M is closer to her but he hated half the people that went to Q’s birthday. Everyone I invited are the people he does get along and he isn’t coming. I have a hot-tub and I know he doesn’t like going in. I said in the group chat that we wouldn’t be going into the hot tub until late. 
Since then I kicked G and M out of the group chat I made for my birthday. Now fast forward to last night when J texted me saying that now her and Q won’t be staying the night. Q works until 9:15pm on Saturday so i understand that she wouldn’t be able to come until later. But now J is driving herself and Q home. I’m assuming that J and Q are driving together and won’t show up until like 10pm. J was telling me that she has to be in the town 45 minutes away from where I live Sunday morning and that Q has a doctor appointment. I honestly don’t know if I believe that because how all of a sudden they both magically have something to do Sunday morning. 
L and my sister E will be coming sooner since in the group chat I originally said to come at 4pm. I know that L doesn’t like sleepovers so I knew she wouldn’t be staying the night.
So basically only L, E, Q, and J would be coming. No one is staying the night. I feel horrible and cried all night and have felt shitty all day today and didn’t even go to school. Am I being an asshole about this? I honestly think this might be my last straw and might choose to drift away.",NTAH. Makes sense to feel hurt when something important to you ends up feeling like an afterthought.
AITAH for putting in a simple boundary with my (now ex) friend?,"So,this happened a while ago but I thought I would share it on here because why not? (Plus this post might make it onto cam kirmans channel).btw, I'm not going to be saying irl names/ages due to privacy reasons.


So, me and my(now ex) friend, who we will call j,were in this GC with our other friends.One day, j had added a girl in the GC(who we will call glasses because I can). I am jealous of glasses,everything I like, shes better at, shes skinny, pretty, popular,kind yet somehow still herself, and I'm just a weird, ugly,nice fat kid.also,for some reason, glasses is always my replacement when my ""friends"" stop talking to me. Due to this, I left the gc. I only told 2 people why I left(my boyfriend and one of my closest friends). J ended up texting me asking why I left the gc,we went back and fourth a little before I finally said
""I'm not telling you why I left"".
She then had the audacity to say
""Fuck you then"" (except with a different, annoying spelling).i was obviously confused because why the hell would you say that to someone after they put in a simple boundary? She proceeded to keep saying ""fuck you"" (once again, annoying spelling of it) and told me to ""shut up"" when I defended myself and blocked me. This is not the first time she had blocked someone for a stupid reason,she once blocked another one of our friends because she couldn't play roblox at that moment, like what the fuck💔. This is going to be it for now but if y'all have questions/want proof, I'll edit/update this.
","You sound incredibly selfish.

Your friend can have other friends even if you don't like it.

You need to work on yourself so you don't feel this way about people like ""glasses"" (hint: coming up with shitty nicknames for other people like this is a sign you hate yourself, not them).

You need to improve you so you don't hate yourself. You also need to do this so you don't hate other random people because you hate yourself.

Fucking go to therapy and stop forcing your own self hate personal issues onto your friend group. You'll start to rel as the better to your friends if you do and your friendships will improve.

Oh, and YTA."
AITAH for blocking my ex’s number?,"I (18M) recently separated from my ex-girlfriend (17F). Our relationship started out strong in July 2025. However, as time went on, cracks developed when we would hang out in public or with her friends because we would have major disagreements with me. Ultimately, she made the decision to break up with me after I texted her trying to check in during November 2025. Of course, I was devastated by this, but I accepted it. Also, if I get too biased or descriptive in this post, I apologize.

For context, here’s a few of the altercations that have happened. I don't explicitly remember when this was, but first, after we finished watching a movie, we entered a Five Below. After wandering around the store for a bit, my ex fished for a bouncy ball in one of those barrels and tried to make it from afar. I tried warning her that she may hit something, but she then says to start being “more fun.” I was sort of offended by this, because I valued common sense in this situation, which never affected my level of fun. I brushed this comment off, though, thinking she may make it. That’s when she completely misses the barrel and knocks some products over. We were equally shocked, but in a good way; we were laughing regardless. My concern, though, was about getting kicked out of the store. Naturally, as funny as it was, I advised her to be more careful in the future. Then I see the smile slowly fade from her face, then it’s gone. Her arms then cross. She walks towards the exit, so I try to ask her what’s wrong, but she never replies, her arms remained crossed. She stayed distant until we rode in her family’s van to a restaurant, saying words to everyone except me.

The second disagreement was when I became her date for a dance in October 2025. The beginning of it was phenomenal, I danced hard to the music and reunited with a lot of familiar faces, which was a night to be alive. She was not dancing as much as I was and didn't talk much, so I went to check in on her every now and then and tried my absolute hardest to make her feel included, but she still stayed silent. Though the dance didn’t end until 10PM, we ended up leaving at 9PM because her shoes were uncomfortable; or at least, that’s what she told me. On the walk out, she told me to stop being so “cringe” and I teased her, because being “cringe” can’t stop me from having a good time.

The third disagreement happened later in the month during a scary attraction. It was full of a bunch of spooky props while volunteers tried to scare any people walking by in a series of labyrinths (haunted houses, cornfields, etc.) that made it hard to notice which direction you’re walking. (Some even had chainsaws!) I, myself, did not get intimidated by most of them, mildly uncomfortable at most because I saw their shadows a bit before they could jump out. However, my ex had a problem with it because she wanted me to show fun from a good scream, claiming her screams were not from fear, rather from excitement. I explained to her afterwards that the experience was fun and exhilarating for my body and I still had a lot of fun with her, but she still complained that I didn’t scream.

We had one final argument during a second prom in November 2025. She was extremely nervous and rarely talked to me during our entire stay there, even avoiding dancing altogether. I tried everything to make her feel at home, but she didn’t get any better, then she told me to give her some space. Without hesitation, I complied and gave her the distance she needed. Then I went to dance and talk to a few friends who I haven’t seen in a while; we really had great conversation. My ex and I ended up leaving early again; I don't really remember the reason why, but maybe it had to be with her stress.

After the breakup, I texted her a month later in December 2025 asking how she was doing, but I never received a response from her, which concerned me a lot, fearing she may have blocked my number. I texted her a second time this month saying that I was very concerned because she ghosted me, and I just wanted to make sure she was okay. I still cared about her even if we’re not together anymore. Today, I was sick of the ghosting and decided to block her number.

Again, AITA for pulling the plug?",NTAH. Blocking her after repeated silence sounds like you choosing emotional closure rather than continuing to sit in uncertainty.
AITAH for going no contact,"I’m 37, and my 51-year-old stepsister and I have a strained relationship. She believes I can’t take care of myself because of my disabilities (autism, ADHD, and mild anxiety). I feel like she treats me the same way she treats her son, who has Down syndrome, as if we are the same — which we are not.

She doesn’t think microwave cooking counts as real cooking. After my mom passed away, I had to move (long story). She didn’t want me to clean up my mother’s belongings and instead insisted on “helping” me, if you know what I mean.

She expects me to tell her every little thing I’m doing. When it looked like I might become homeless, she kept pushing me to move in with her, but only if I shared a room with my cousin. I refused. I would rather live in my car because I know she would try to make the arrangement permanent and push for a payee, believing I can’t manage on my own.

Other people keep telling me I should stay in contact and live with her because winters get cold and “she’s my sister,” even though she doesn’t know where I moved.

**AITA for cleaning up and choosing independence?**

**there is eveybody happy saice nobody can read anymore** ","NTA - If she refuses to treat you as the adult you are, why have her in your life?  The fact that you had to move and not tell her where to protect yourself speaks volumes about her, not you.  I would go NC."
AITAH for not attending my friends wedding because my husband wasn't invited?,"I lived abroad for a year after I graduated university. While living abroad, I met Kylie. Kylie and I are originally from the same country and actually went to the same university but we didn't meet until we both moved abroad. We became good friends for the year that I lived abroad. I also became friends with her then boyfriend, Kyle.

I moved back to our home country and Kylie and Kyle moved to a different country. We kept in touch and we would get together when Kylie came home to visit her family. Kylie and Kyle met my husband during some of their trips home.

Kylie and Kyle got engaged and sent me a save the date. I messaged her and told her that I was excited for them and excited to see them at their wedding.

I received the invitation for their wedding and went to RSVP on their wedding website. It would only allow me to RSVP for one person, just myself. Initially, I thought it was just an oversight so I messaged her and asked if my husband was also invited. She said he wasn't because they were trying to keep the wedding small (about 100-200 people).

Their wedding was held in our home country. It was a three day wedding about a 12 hour drive from where I live. It's in a rural part of the country so there was no option to fly there. When I received the save the date, my husband and I had discussed taking a week off work to go to their wedding and explore that area of our country.

I decided I didn't want to drive all the way there and attend a three day wedding without my husband, so I RSVP no. I told Kyle that I was sorry and that I would have loved to have been able to go but that I wasn't able to make it work. I didn't tell her it was because my husband wasn't invited but I think she probably knows that's why I didn't go.

Now she is mad at me. So AITAH?",Anyone who invites someone to a wedding and not their spouse is not a good friend. I’m sorry it’s not like you just started dating..you’re married. When you get invited somewhere you are invited as “one” not one or the other. You have the choice later if one can’t go or doesn’t want to go but if anyone every invited me to a wedding and not my husband I would’ve been like seriously? That’s a no for me..I don’t care who you are. I hope later on SHE gets invited to a good friends wedding and not her husband. Only then she’ll realize how classless that was (and 100-200 people isn’t a small wedding btw lol)
AITAH friendship over 6 years feels like it’s ending,"I (25F) have been in a close friendship with two others (both 25F) for almost 6 years since the beginning of our college days. We have stuck through so many different variations of friends and always agreed with each other. However, recently, in the last 2 years one of them became super close with a new friend (25M). (For the sake of this story, she/the friend in question will be referred to as Friend B and the other as Friend A). 

He had been a person I knew in high school. So 2 years ago, after reconnecting with him at a rave, I had invited him to the next one with my friends. Maybe this is where it all went wrong? Everyone thought he was super weird when he joined our group and did not like him at all. (No one liked him and thought I was the weird one for having him as a friend even Friend B) So, I agreed to not bring him again, and we moved on. 

Fast forward to months later, one of our close friends ends up passing away which leaves a huge gap in our lives. Friend B was best friends with him since her high school days, so it obviously impacted her the most. For some reason, she decided to reach out to the guy from my HS for advice because he had experience in early loss of friends. Since then they have become the best of buds through trauma bonding. They go to everything together, hang out multiple times a week, and are continuing to grow close. 

In the past year, he had rubbed me and Friend A the wrong way and he just isn't someone we want to be in our lives. He had pushed our boundaries, and when told to stop, he would just laugh and brush it off. We had expressed multiple times with Friend B about our problems with him, but she would get super offended and defend him excessively. She would just express how she wishes we saw him the way she did and that he also wishes we could all be friends. But, at this stage of our lives, Friend A and I are only set on building relationships with people who actually deserve it. We had tried hanging out with him multiple times, but every time it felt superficial and he kept pushing boundaries that were explicitly set. 

As Friend B and him kept getting closer, we began feeling like she was drifting. She knew we didn't like him, so she wouldn’t mention what she was doing/who she was hanging out with when we would ask if she had plans. She would just say ""oh I'm hanging out with some friends"" and when asked with who, she would leave him out of the list. It just felt like she was hiding him as a guilty pleasure. (I also had both of their locations so we knew when she was hiding that she was hanging out with him) We would also confront her, but she would deny it at first saying she wasn't aware she was doing that, but then switch up later down the convo and make excuses. Overall, it just felt like she was avoiding us and started changing as she used to tell us everything. 

I would say all three of us used to be on the same wavelength, but now it feels like we don't even find the same things funny anymore and our mindsets are not matching hers. In case we felt like it was just us/we were the problem, we had reached out to other friends who didn't really mind him, but they also agreed that she had changed and didn't really seem as friendly with them as she used to before becoming friends with him. Also, he would just rub all of our other friends the wrong way whenever he first met them. One time, he had coincidentally saw Friend A eating at a restaurant with her friends and the first thing he said to them was “who here doesn’t like Friend A?” as a joke and was just overly offensive. But that is just something weird to say especially when they are not friends. Her friends ended up flaming her for knowing that guy and were offended.

Anyways, it just feels like she enjoys his and his other friends' company rather than ours despite our past history and friendship. For example, at raves that we went to together, she would be texting them our meetup location and would just pretend that we saw them by chance and would make us join groups. The whole time it also felt like she was just spending all her time with him and his friends even though we went to the event together. And it just felt like she wasn’t satisfied with enjoying the rave with just us. This also happened many other events. When told, she would then say that she was treating us all equal as she viewed all friends equally and no one was over the other friend. She didn’t want to admit her bias and just deflected our feelings.

We understand that drifting is just something natural that can happen, but what made us upset was that she would deny and deflect when we would bring our problems up and then suddenly switch up.  For a group that would always tell each other everything and talk/text everyday, this just felt weird.

A couple months ago, we had a girls NYC trip with us three and another girl. It felt awkward talking to her, like we didn't have commonalities anymore, so when we debriefed the trip we said it felt awkward/weird and different. For reference we had went to japan and korea a year before and that went a lot better even though it was an international trip. This time, she mostly kept to herself and slept when we were up and went out when we were sleeping. We get you need some solo recharge and we all made sure to give each other solo time, but we were only there for 3 days, and she kept to herself majority of the trip. When initially confronted, she said, “ I didn't see anything different/it felt normal like it usually was.” Yet, when the conversation began to drag, she would say that she actually did feel like it was off and so on. We were confused why she would just suddenly switch up and then she blamed us for it being that way. It just felt frustrating trying to work it out. 

The conversation then became almost a weeklong back and forth of us bringing up everything we felt were problems, but to everything we said, she would say ""I see what you’re saying but..."" and deflect it. It didn't feel like she was actually valuing our feelings. We would say he did X wrong to us which was not okay, but she would defend why he would do X even though it obviously hurt our feelings. Furthermore, she resorted to using ChatGPT/AI when replying to us. It is a fact that she regularly uses ChatGPT to tell her life problems (she had told us she has a thread with it that she tells everything to). AND we know exactly how she texts, so the change in text was obvious. It was insulting that she just copied and pasted what ChatGPT said to try to resolve our problems rather than have it come straight from her. She didn’t even try to reword it. When confronted she just ignored it as well which was the icing on the cake. 

We ended up resolving and agreeing to just be more open with us. But since then, it doesn’t  feel like most changed. Honestly, the list goes on of things wrong and everyone in our lives we go to end up saying the same thing. Another friend even asked if it was worth it keeping each other in our lives. She is one of our day 1s, so she holds a soft spot in our heart and lives. Atp we just don't know what to do and have just been waiting for things to get better as no matter how many times we talk to her, nothing has changed. Even now we try to talk to her about it, but she seems like she is sick and tired of hearing it and wants us to stop calling it all out.


Some more context I feel is important to mention: 
The guy is in a long term open relationship with a girl he has been with since high school. They have been with other people, but ultimately are with each other and are ""dating."" They had a falling out with another girl that the guy was FWB with as he had brought her in and she became best friends with his gf, but it got messy. In relation, it highkey feels like the guy wants Friend B as their replacement third as his gf is bi, and all three of them hang out frequently. 

At raves, their behavior is also super sus:
- he is super clingy with Friend B even though he ravebaes his gf. Btw friend B HATES physical touch, but lets this guy hold her waist and such. She is more lenient at raves, but it’s weird cause she has never let any other close male friend do that. 
- Another friend we know also mentioned seeing them at a rave, but didn't wanna say hi cause it looked like she was busy with ""her bf"" which was the guy.
- At one rave his gf even got mad at him cause they were supposed to see a set together, but Friend B wanted to see a different set and he wanted to go with her instead cause she didn’t want to be alone. 
- He once said at a rave to her “I’ll be here for you until you find your fine shyt and when that happens, you might leave old [me] behind. but until then, i'll be here to show you the love and care you truly deserve, even if it’s just as your [buddy]""

Every time we mention that they are way too close to be friends, she says she never sees him that way cause he is gross and that if he ever crosses that line she is going to cut him out of her life, but honestly, she probably wouldnt. (she has cut a long list of other guys who did way less than this guy to her cause she often gets the ick.) Recently he had also changed his league of legends handle to match hers under the guise of wanting to pose as an ""egirl."" We just believe he has very sus behavior but don't know what to do to make her see it. Are we the AH for praying on the downfall of their friendship? 

 P.S. sorry for the long ass post LOL","Six years is a long time. If it feels over, it probably is."
AITAH for expecting my bipolar bf to do his share around the house?,"My boyfriend of 6 years, living together for nearly 3, has bipolar disorder experiencing depressive episodes and dips in his mood. I work from home so I spend more time than him at home, which along with my anxiety makes it crucial for me to have a clean home. Not spotless 24/7, just caring for basic things during the week and deeper cleaning once or twice a month. I don't expect 50/50 split as it fluctuates and it's less work when it's a team, 2 people working together. At the moment, most of this falls onto me as he does not prioritize cleanliness and orderliness as much and often doesn't feel like doing it. I try to be mindful of how his issues affects his abilities and motivations for chores and tasks but I have too much self-respect to take it upon my self as a woman to just do it all alone as we both live and make a mess in the house. 

Thus, we continuously have fights and disagreements about things not being done or basic small things he was asked to do being left for days. I am often told I'm too intense about it and it's not important, to just live and enjoy life. Easy said when I'm the one doing the hard work and will feel the effects of the house being dirty or untidy as it makes me hyperfixate and anxious. He can't close a drawer or cupboard, nor put away something he uses once he's done with it. I ask him to do things in the house but it's like it needs to be asked every single time rather than learning a task which needs to be regularly done. It's often just dismissed as insignificant. Am I being anal af? Am I asking too much? Am I waiting for a change that's never going to happen?

Insight from those who are / have been in relationships with bipolar or depressed partners, mental disorders in general, I'm all ears. ","Hi OP, is your live-in boyfriend compliant with his bipolar treatment? Is he medicated and in regular therapy?

Because he should be. He needs to be. And therapy would be a great place for you to bring this up or to ask him to bring it up for a professional's opinion of how he can address his work at home and not use his mental health as a crutch or excuse to shirk his relationship responsibilities. 

In general, no, someone's bipolar or ADHD or spectrum disorder or other conditions are challenges for them to address, yes. But they should not be used as excuses for failing to be a good partner. 

Let me put it this way, if his mental health issues are preventing him from meeting his relationship responsibilities in the home, sharing the housekeeping chores, then he is too disabled to be your boyfriend, and he is not relationship material."
AITAh for cutting off my mother,"AITAH for cutting contact with my mother? Sorry its so long. A little back story, my father died when I was 2 and I am now 25, so she was a single mother with three young childern. There's my older brother who we can call Josh and he is 28 and my younger brother who we can call Kevin, and my father and two other boys with two different women one who is 29 and we will call zack and the other who we will call ethan who died at 22. My now husband is not the bilogical father of our oldest daughter. Growing up there was always a new house and/or a new school and/or a new man. I went to 6 different schools and moved back and forth to two of those schools a couple times. I honestly dont even remember how many houses/apartments it was anymore. We was always very poor and on the verge of being homeless and sometimes we had to live with family, so she could find us a new place to live. 

When I was in middle school I would see kids go tell teachers they was moving and we would make a big deal out of it, so I told a teacher I was probably going to be moving soon and of course she asked why and being a kid i told her exactly why which was we was poor. When my mother found out she wasn't happy about it, but we was getting food in a sack that they would stick in our lockers, which honestly had some of the best snacks in it. She typically stuck in her room or was trying to go out to see a guy or to a party. Around the same time of the school incident me and my younger brother kevin had to stay home because she was going to a party and she wanted Josh to drive her home, so we had our own party at home with just us and was dancing to cotton eye Joe which is still one of my favorite memories. Onto why I no longer speak with my mother though. I tried for a long time to get her to truly acknowledge what I do. I have maybe heard her tell me she is proud of me one time and if so I dont recall what it was even for. 

When ethan died my mother called me and told me that he died and that i need to get to kevin and check on him. She never checked on me, hugged me, or anything. I made some light hearted joke that I dont even remember anymore and she looked at me and told me that its not about me. I was talking to her one day about my therapy and just told me that something I said happen to me didn't and a few seconds later said ""oh yea"". I stopped opening up and talking to her as much after that happen. When I was 18 I learned I was pregnant because I went to the doctor thinking I had the flu and when the doctor came back with a postive pregnancy test I just started crying and the doctor was telling the baby is a little peanut and I have so many options and before she could finish my mother told the doctor that we dont do any of that. Even if I was given an actual choice I still would have kept my baby but its the fact that she was refusing to give me any choice. If I would have made any other choice it would have been adoption. One of the nurses there was looking to adopt a baby. Now I have a beautiful 6 year old little girl.

I stopped communicating with my mother just before my daughter turned 4 because anytime I would get onto my daughter she got onto me in front of her or would go to her room and slam the door if we was at her house, and yes I have talked to her and we was always butting heads. My mother and her boyfriend let her drink anything or eat anything she wanted no matter the time or place, and yes if she is with the for the weekend its fine to an extent but I didn't want her drinking mtn.dew and eating so many different candies all weekend, but they did that anytime and anywhere. They also let her scream from the top of her lungs at them, and anytime I said anything or said I dont want this person around her they didn't care. My mother would always use something I did or said when I was little against me. 

I lived next to them for about 2 years, and when I finally had enough and moved she lost it and wanted me to let my 3 year old stay with her to finish off the school year and of course I said no, she tried to use the fact that I lived with my grandma at 13 so I didn't have to move schools again, against me. Before we moved my now husband became very close to my brother zach and when we moved they was still very close and would always go out fishing for hours. We also had our son right before we moved. Zach eventually started to hear rumors that my husband was abusive, a narcissist, and anything else she wanted to just throw in there and after we moved we didn't see him and his family anymore due to us moving 2hrs away, so he thought it could be true. I heard a not so pleasant phone call between them and the next day CPS was called, so I am crying and confused as to who would do this to us since none of it was true.

The person that called said that he was smoking weed in front of our daughter, and was threatening to kill people, and something else I dont remember. The only truth in that was my husband saying he was going to kill my mom, but before anyone panics it was not in a literal way, he was frustrated, but also our daughter was in her room and we was in the living room. I asked my daughter if she had talked to anyone about and she said no, but I knew we had said something to Zach about it so from there on I stopped talking to him. A few months later I cut all ties with my mother because no amount of talking helped and then I find out I am pregnant with my beautiful little girl. Fast forward a lot to a week before I have her and I reach out yo my mom and tell her I want to meet up and talk, basically she denys everything that everyone said about her talking bad about my husband and that she would try to be there when I have the baby. She later texts me and says she will be to uncomfortable with the other people there and she wants to have someone like her boyfriend or kevin there. I told her no but I dont care who brings her to the hospital but I only want her there. 

Oh yea after our meet up I gave her a letter that I had wrote just incase I forgot something. I ask her to send me a picture of the letter because I was talking to my husband but couldn't remember what I said and this was 2 days before I had the baby, and I didn't hear anything from her, and she didn't show up to the hospital or call, or even send a text. When I was actively pushing out my daughter I learned that she was the one who called CPS so I looked and my husband and told him to block her now and he refused due to what is going on at the moment and said if I still want to later that I can, and I did. I said nothing to her about why I just blocked her. Fast forward to 7 months later and it is the holidays and since I was not going to make I made a special trip before hand to see everyone. About a week prior my Nana which is my mother's mom had been in a really bad wreck and she was home so I went to her house to see her and everyone else coming in for the holidays. 

Side not my mother told me when we met up that she has drove past my house in a different vehicle and she saw us leaving. Anyways after a few hours my mother showed up and my oldest who is 6 now didn't want to come in because Nana had a lot of scars and it scared her. When my mother got there she came in for maybe a minute and then went outside with my daughter and they walked to the shed because of how cold it was according to family my mother walked out to smoke and my daughter followed her and they got in her car, and I was still inside and seen headlights turn on so I went outside and seen my daughter in the passenger seat playing games on my mother's phone. 

I opened the door and my daughter said pawpaw (mothers boyfriend) is coming, and then my mother asked why I am not talking to her so I told my daughter to go inside and when she made it to the front porch she asked again and my aunt, her three daughters, and my daughter was at the front porch and it maybe 25ft away, so I told her I know she called cps and she denied it so I closed her door and walked away. Everyone that was outside said she was crying and not long after I made it inside he showed up and they left. Like I said I live 2hrs away and half way through my drive I had to pull over because it was hard to breathe, and I couldn't feel or move my hands and feet, I get help and have been suffering from sever anxiety and panic attacks ever since and now anytime I try to leave the house its a struggle. AITAH for cutting off my mother?",Well your mental health has deteriorated drastically since your last attempt at reconciliation I would imagine no you’re not the AH for cutting her off.
AITAH for asking my boyfriend to block his friend of 3 years.,"My (17f) boyfriend (18m) has an online female friend let’s call her M (21) of 3 years. 

Him and I have been dating for 5 months along with off and on at the beginning of 2025. Ive known this friend exists basically since we met, and it hasn’t been an issue. She and him usually chat it up once every 3-4 months to just catch up on life. Which is 100% fine. What is bothering me is the fact she started texting VERY often after he turned 18 recently. 

She started texting him daily for hours off and on about her relationship. And he would do the same back. Discussing his mental state and how he has been struggling to grow while in our relationship due to his mental state. We have talked about this and he is doing much better now! What bothers me is how OFTEN they text, and the fact another woman is giving my boyfriend relationship advice. Specifically telling him “you should break up if it’s hurting you this much”. Which I would understand her saying but it doesn’t quite sit right with me. 

He also was sending her 30 MINUTE VOICE MESSAGES venting. To which she replied “I like your long vms 👍 ok lololol” 

There was one time in specific my boyfriend and I were on the phone while he was having a rough time and he wasn’t talking to me. I asked him what he was doing and he said “sorry you won’t like this but I was texting M”. Which took me aback because we were supposed to be having a serious conversation together. While he was distracted asking HER for advice? 

He also refuses to give me his login info when he has all of mine. He says “I just don’t give out my login info, but I can show you everything or screen-share I’m sorry I promise im not hiding anything.” Everything in me wants to believe him, but it feels weird. 
I don’t want to have to ask him to show me everytime i am worried, it feels like it would break trust. Or make him feel like I don’t trust him, when mainly I’m worried she has some sort of emotional attachment to my boyfriend. 

About two weeks ago he randomly told me “I blocked M because I felt she was being weird. Not in a romantic way, more of as a rebound friend.” Whatever that means… but I felt kind of relieved? Unfortunately shortly after he said he felt horrible for blocking his friend of 3 years even though she technically didn’t do anything to make him think that (His words). So I said I didn’t want to be controlling and would feel more comfortable with her unadded but would understand if he stays friends with her. After this he blocked her one time to not make me uncomfortable but ended up adding her back again with me saying basically the same thing. 

Come to now, he broke up with me over his mental health a few weeks ago but we quickly worked it out and are doing much better now. When he got everything solved with me he blocked her. I noticed a  few days ago that he had her on Instagram still and  it really scared me. When I asked him he said it was just an accident and he had forgot to remove her there since he blocked her on discord. I thought he had removed her and js moved on. Today I notice he still hadn’t removed her on Instagram and I mention it again! He said “it just sucks rhat I have to cut her off fully I guess. But I will because I don’t want you to be uncomfortable” I feel like I’m doing something wrong or being controlling but I also feel like my feelings make sense? Im not sure what to do or feel but I js need some opinions. ",">He also refuses to give me his login info when he has all of mine.

So he wants control of your info but won't fairly reciprocate. He blocks her to shut you up from complaining then unblocks her. He's already broken up with you once.

Why are you still with this jerk? You're 17- you are *way* too young to be with someone who is controlling and invites drama into your life like this.

NTA to him but YTA to yourself if you don't dump him."
AITAH for flipping out over weed smell when my friend stopped by,"I am friends platonically with my ex, we've known each other for like 20yrs and we're kinda trauma bonded, but we don't spend a lotta time together, but when we do, a fight always breaks out no matter how hard I try to avoid it. He just stopped by my apt for a quick visit, we're talking like 15 mins tops... While he's here he says he needs to go outside for a quick weed break; I share a building and a wall (and air space) with a salon that is actively in business, when I first moved in I got in a little trouble for my weed stinking up the salon (even tho I was smoking outside), my friend knows this... I ask him to step all the way outside, on my side of the building, far from the salon and our shared door. What does he do, he steps right outside our shared door and hits his pipe, then comes right back inside, reeking, it's windy out, I know the smell followed him in and the people at the salon (my landlord) can smell it. Am I wrong for being so upset with him? He thinks I'm overreacting. I'm embarrassed and praying my landlord doesn't flip out on me.",">He thinks I'm overreacting.

Sure, because to him it's not a big deal, but if it's not a big deal then why can't he just walk a little further and save you the worry? NTA."
"AITAH /WWYD if you had to disinvite your friend’s ex, an acquaintance, from a trip coming up in 2 days.","I (24 F) am supposed to go on a skiing trip with my friend (26 F), her boyfriend (? M), and my husband (25 M). My friend and I planned this trip over a month and a half. Obvi being girls we did more of the planning then the men, what food were eating for meals, what time we’re headed in separate vehicles to the mountain, what rooms we were staying in in our shared cabin for the weekend, etc. This would not be our first “double date” setting as a group as we went to a music festival last year. This was our first time meeting my friend’s boyfriend. It was great time however a little foreshadow was that, they had gotten into an argument one night and both emotionally shutdown leaving me and my husband clueless. My husband and I continued to vibe and try to enjoy our night however the tension between them did make the end of the night awkward. Months later my friend who normally tells me all her drama finally confessed what the fight was about. Long story short him being insecure thinking he saw her cheat in front of him at the concert, I can detest she did not in-fact cheat he blew a small glimpse completely out of proportion. Flash forward back to this trip coming up. We are 3 days out and they just broke up. I am always a supportive friend I will support her pursuing anything career, relationships, goals she names the side I’m on, I support. Same goes for being against do we like x person, do we like this outfit, etc. I feel her out all the time and play to the narrative she leans toward. This break up I am kind of for supporting her leaving this relationship without her telling me. She said they both still plan on coming on this trip “and doing their own thing.” This is raising a huge red flag and concern for me. I’m very limited on time off and want to enjoy myself. While they may be doing their “own thing” at the end of the night we’re all still in the same cabin, them in the same bedroom. When they argue they are like fire and ice. She does not like his drinking, he does not like her “dictating his drinking”, when he over drinks. They also plan on still riding in the same vehicle to the resort. My husband and I will be going up later as I have to work before we can leave. I am worried of some scenarios, drama because she’s flirting with someone else in front of him, him getting too drunk and causing a ruckus or being belligerent because he is not a part of our group activities in the shared living area, lastly he leaves her on the mountain alone. I also know this guys temper can be belittling to my friend something my husband will not stand for. I also know this gentleman gets drunk to the point of causing a ruckus another thing my husband will not settle for. I really fear my husband confronting this ex and an argument spiraling into a huge altercation. When telling my sister (23F) about this she gave me the advice to ask my friend how she feels about him coming with. Once she explains herself lay out my concerns and reservations and clearly state my husband and I will not be tolerant of verbal nor physical arguments on this trip. Anyone acting out will have the cops called on them. I personally really do not desire to run the risk of drama as we are only acquaintances with this ex and know his track record of being belittling and absurd when intoxicated. Neither my friend nor her ex have paid me for the lodge therefore I do feel like I have an upper hand and can veto his joining us but I do not want to make my friends living situation nor trip feel ruined if he gets disgruntled due to being disinvited. Would it make me an asshole to force my hand? What would you do?","1. NAH - shit happens.  It's better that they broke up now, than break up during the trip. 

2. WWID?: He is automatically uninvited.  It should go without saying. 

While he might think otherwise, this is how it now pans out: 

* if all 4 go, there will be, at best, that uncomfortable awkwardness you described; at worst, they will fight.  Even worse, they get back together, then break up again.  That would be *the* worst.  Therefore he cannot go.  
* If she won't go because he isn't going, then she doesn't go. If you set the table for drama, stupid, and fighting, you're guests will be Drama, Stupid, and Fighting. This poor decision would be *all on you*, because you should know better.   
* If this makes the entire party upset, then perhaps no one is going.  For all of the plans the girls made, which were more than the men, no one planned for a break up right before the trip.  If you follow this pattern and fail to plan for post-breakup-drama version of the trip, then I am sorry to tell you but you *plan for failure.*

Admonishment: You aren't the gf.  You are not the bf.  You didn't breakup with her.  You didn't go qq at the festival.  You are not responsible for any of this, any of what has happened.  But you are responsible for what happens next, solely because you know exactly where you all are on this, and you know what is likely to happen.

Wait... I mean, if it were **me**, then **I** know where everyone stands on this, and **I** know what is likely to happen. Furthermore **I** would mandate that my gf-friend make no concession to contact him while we are on the trip.  If the require an explanation I would simply direct them to watch an episode of any television series where this exact thing happens. 

Notable TV Episodes

* The Office: ""Business Trip"" (Season 5, Episode 8)
* Seinfeld: ""The Phone Message"" (Season 2, Episode 4)
* Friends: ""The One with the Ski Trip"" (Season 3, Episode 17)
* How I Met Your Mother: ""The Drunk Train"" (Season 7, Episode 16)
* New Girl (2011)
  * ""Bachelor/Bachelorette Party"" (Season 5, Episodes 17 & 18)
  * ""Cabin"" (Season 2, Episode 12)
* Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013)  
  * ""The Road Trip"" (Season 2, Episode 9)
  * ""Honeymoon"" (Season 6, Episode 1)
* Schitt's Creek: ""The Hike"" (Season 5, Episode 13)
* The Big Bang Theory: ""The Vacation Solution"" (Season 5, Episode 16)
* Modern Family: ""Lake Life"" (Season 9, Episode 1)
* The Good Place: ""The Trolley Problem"" (Season 2, Episode 5)
* Superstore: ""All-Nighter"" (Season 1, Episode 9)

She can take her pick, or watch them all, but he isn't going and she isn't to contact him during the trip; else I would rather go it alone with my husband."
AITAH for feeling abandoned by everyone?,"I (early 30s, F) separated from my husband about a year ago. We’re legally divorcing, but the part that’s been quietly destroying me is the religious side of it. We’re Muslim, and an Islamic divorce actually matters if you want to move forward. I asked his lawyers if he will participate in the process.

That was four months ago.
Since then, his lawyer hasn’t responded once. Mine has followed up multiple times. Nothing. Total silence.

I keep telling myself this is normal. Divorce is slow. Lawyers suck. People avoid uncomfortable things. But the longer it goes on, the more it feels like my life is just… paused there. 

This silence is hitting a nerve because it mirrors behaviour he showed in the marriage.

Our marriage wasn’t “obviously” abusive. That’s part of why I still don’t know what to call it. He never hit me - he shoved me. He didn’t yell - he yelled, cussed and told me to kill myself. He was calm, reasonable, the kind of guy everyone would describe as a good person, to everyone but me.

There are things he said that never left me, that will never leave me.

He once called my brother “ISIS” during an argument. Not joking. My family is Muslim. That word carries weight. He’d casually call my sister “crazy,” even though he barely knew her. When I was later diagnosed with a mental health condition, it slowly became the explanation for everything. If I was hurt, I was “spiraling.” If I pushed back, I was “unwell.” I started doubting my own reactions.

Then, while we were still married, I was sexually assaulted by his friend. That shattered me. He blamed me for it. I went into survival mode… therapy, meds, just trying to feel safe again. Instead of feeling supported, I felt observed. Like my pain was something to take advantage of, not take care of.

We separated not long after he looked me in the eye and told me the assault was my fault, that I enticed his friend.

I don’t know if he’s a good guy who didn’t know how to show up, or if this is what harm looks like when it’s quiet and polite and deniable - the poster child for good guy abuser. 

And while all of that was happening, I lost someone else too.

My best friend of over 20 years got married recently. I wasn’t invited.

The reason given traces back to an incident in 2024 — during one of my worst mental health episodes after the assault. It didn’t involve her directly. It involved some of her friends. At that time, I blocked everyone and took space because I genuinely couldn’t function. South asian culture and divorce don’t go hand in hand.

That distance apparently became permanent.

She moved on. Wedding. Life. I found out from social media.

And I just sat there thinking: did I really deserve to lose a 20-year friendship because I was drowning?

This is where I start to feel ashamed even writing this. I have BPD, PTSD, anxiety, and chronic stress. I’m in treatment. I’m trying. But it feels like people treat these things as personality flaws instead of actual illnesses. Like once you’re “too much,” you’re quietly removed.

Between my ex’s silence, the religious divorce dragging on, I feel like everyone has decided I’m easier to forget than to deal with.

And then I start asking myself the worst questions:
Am I expecting too much?
Do I even deserve space in people’s lives after I pulled away?
Is this all just consequences, and I’m refusing to accept them?

I don’t want to be the victim of every story. I just don’t know where to put this much hurt.
So I guess I’m asking:

AITA for feeling abandoned and still believing I deserve care, closure? Also, how can I have my ex just respectfully provide me the religious divorce? Has anyone been in this situation before? I’m so clueless. ",I’m sorry this happened to you. You’re not the AH. Make sure you keep yourself safe and do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy.
AITAH for basically calling my mother's husband an idiot,"I (f 21) was on FaceTime with my mom, while she and her husband (aka H) were getting ready for bed. H began pretending like he had left my dog outside in the cold, as soon as he started joking about it, I opened find my on my MacBook cause I have an Airtag on my dog. He kept saying how he can't find her and how she might be outside. I then said, ""I have her location; she's clearly inside."" He then said genuinely, ""Wow, you're really smart!"" Then I said, "" Am I smart or are you just average?"" Like he's known for years that I can track her. For context, I don't like him whatsoever; he's a cheater, emotional abuser, and complete creep, especially for young girls. ","Nah, NTA. Some people just have dull minds and an even duller sense of humor. That joke would have only been funny *to him* if you had a big reaction like “oh my gosh! My poor dog!” Which, quite frankly, isn’t even funny. He has rocks for brains."
WIBTAH if I evicted my roommate who has kids and no income?,"First time using Reddit, so I apologize if this isn’t all formatted correctly.

I (37f) have a roommate/tenant (35f) who moved in with her three children about 6 months ago. We were in a relationship, but broke up due to us both having trauma and constantly triggering each other. We had a prior agreement that if the relationship didn’t work out we would continue living together and coparent our children(10f, 10f, 10m, 13nb, and 15m).

For some context, she used to date my ex husband for about 5 years and our children have grown up as siblings. Her children call me mom and vice versa.

Now here is the problem. We do not have a lease, but had a verbal agreement on how we would coexist. The biggest things were continuing to coparent amicably and her agreeing to not drink in the house. She recently realized she’s an alcoholic, which was the catalyst for the rule on drinking.

She has broken the no drinking rule on multiple occasions and when that happens she completely isolates and stops caring for the children. I haven’t taken this well and have gotten angry/called out her actions, which in turn has made her isolate more and as of this morning she told me to stop parenting her children.

I’ve been advised by friends and family to evict her from my home. I am strongly considering this option due to the mental strain the situation is causing. Where I’m worried I may be the ah, is that she isn’t in a place to live on her own. She’s autistic and has pretty severe PTSD, which have prevented her holding down a job. She has no vehicle, no savings, no family, etc. Additionally, this would mean putting her kids into a worse situation and emotionally damaging all 5 kiddos.

So Reddit, WIBTA if I evicted my roommate and subsequently her three children?","So your roommate, who you used to date....who also dated your ex-husband for 5 years.....who also has kids that have grown up with your kids....who also is an alcoholic....who also is autistic...who also has PTSD.....who you're also considering evicting. You're just going for the reddit bingo, aren't you."
AITAH for being mad at my boyfriend about this,"Quick backstory, my boyfriend and I are in our early 20s, we live together at my parents momentarily and have been in a relationship for almost 2 years. Some months back he mentioned he was talking to one of his old friends from years ago, we’ll call him Mark. I remember my boyfriend telling me in the past about his friend mark who was his ex gf’s best friend and that mark was a weirdo who used to hit on his ex girlfriend etc… might i add, we had been together at this point for over a year already and he never once was in communications with mark, he would only ever talk badly about him every now and then. So I asked him if this was the same mark and he said yes. From that moment it kinda rubbed me the wrong way because I was so used to hearing bad things about this guy and was confused on why my boyfriend was back in contact with him, but I tried shrugging it off. Their communication didn’t last long because I voiced to him that it bothered me and he respected my feelings and we moved on.

Then some months later I find out again he’s in communications with mark, this time I told my sister in law who was shocked that my bf was talking to mark again because no one in their family liked him because apparently he was a delinquent who almost got my boyfriend in legal trouble multiple times. Knowing this made me feel validated because I always had a feeling he was a weirdo but I never had any proof. I ended up doing some digging and finding out he’s been arrested for DV on an ex girlfriend and is on a 10 year probation …. Finding that out solidified that I really did not want my boyfriend hanging around this guy or talking to him. 

Anyways, fast forward to now, unfortunately my boyfriend lost both of his jobs within a week from one another and he reached out to mark to see if he can help him get a job. When he originally told me he got a new job, he said it was with a friend of his I didn’t know, but I had a gut feeling it was with mark. I ended up telling him I knew it was with mark and he admitted to me that it was, after he had lied, which already in itself pissed me off. 

Now him and mark are texting and calling each other again all day and it just rubs me the wrong way, one, because my boyfriend knows how I feel about him and still continues to keep in touch with this guy. And two, knowing what I know about mark, I really would rather my boyfriend not be around him but he doesn’t see it that way. I know he is in need of a job and he’s excusing his communications with him as trying to find work, but I can’t shake the feeling I just have such a bad taste in my mouth about this guy and I hate that my boyfriend even talks to him, let alone is now going to work with him.. 

Am I the asshole for being mad at my boyfriend about this situation ? ","NTA..you’re allowed to feel uncomfortable and set boundaries, especially given Mark’s history and your gut instincts, and your boyfriend should respect that"
AITAH for the way I act around a friend?,"
English isn’t my first language, and this is my first time posting.
I (18F) have a friend, Tom (20M). We met this summer at parties through the same friend group and started hanging out over time. Tom lives in another city, so we don’t see each other often, and when we do, there are usually other people around.
A few days ago, I turned 18. My birthday party was big, with over 100 people and I was really nervous and stressed about it. Shortly before my birthday, Tom and I started texting. He helped me work through some negative thoughts that I couldn’t really share with my best friends, Maya and Mia (both 18F), because they aren’t great at emotional support. Tom and I ended up texting every day, and our conversations just kept going.
A few days ago, Maya, a friend I’ve known for 10 years, said it seemed like I might have something with Tom, and that if something happened, I wouldn’t tell her or Mia. 
I was shocked and confused, because I usually share everything with them. I asked her why she thought that, and she said that there’s  “something” between us, that we text too much, and that Tom tells me things first. Over the next few days, her comments continued from saying we would make a cute couple, to talking about “chemistry in the air” between us, and comparing us to “two kids in love.” At one point, Mia agreed with her. 
I asked if I acted differently around him or did anything unusual, and they said no, but they still insisted that “something is there.”
The thing is, Tom has a girlfriend, Gina, who he’s been with for two years. His Instagram profile picture is with her, he has lots of photos with her, and they spent New Year’s together. Gina and I know each other from the same friend group, and she even wished me a happy birthday.
Honestly, neither Tom nor I act differently toward each other than we do with other friends. Nothing romantic is happening between us, we just have normal conversations. Tom likes talking to everyone and hugs people a lot, and I enjoy joking around and socializing. I’m not the type of person who can fall for someone who has a partner, and  everyone knows that, and my behavior show that...
Their comments made me start questioning myself, are we crossing a line in our friendship, and why they think that there is something?
 So, I need a neutral perspective, are Tom and I doing anything wrong?

","First a best friend is someone who would rely on when things get hard so how they are your bsf and can't offer mental support?


Second..he has a gf and yet your friends try to couple u together and you're fine w that? What they're doing is absolutely inppropriate .... I assume as someone who has some self respect should've said something to stop it.
 

Third friendship w taken men should have limits you can't basically talk to him all day and Im not shaming u only btw what he's doing is wrong as well


Im feeling sorry for gina ngl cuz you're both assholes"
AITAH for using my fiancé’s card to buy a purse out of spite?,"Ok I know that title sounds insane but hear me out. I (23F) have been with my fiance (24M) for a while. About a month ago on December 12 I got a “hey girly” text, if you know what I mean. He was messaging another girl fantasizing about getting her pregnant, etc etc (in the end he blamed it on a porn addiction/breeding kink) and there were also multiple other girls as well. I decided to stay to give him another chance because I thought it really was just an addiction. Both of our families know what happened and we cancelled the wedding due to this. Over the past month he has been seeing a therapist, and I thought he was doing better, but obviously I still have trust issues, why wouldn’t I? So last night (Jan 13) he got a Snapchat from a friend of his while he was in the shower, and I told him about it, so I opened the snap when he got out of the shower and took a funny photo to respond. We have always had an open phone policy, as I had nothing to hide but lol he apparently did. After it sent, I pressed on the search feature in Snapchat and it showed up with 6 different girls as recents. I asked him why they were there and he said “oh I just must have missed those ones when I was going through deleting people”. But here’s the thing: those girls weren’t on his recents a week prior, and he supposedly went through all his social media and shit on Dec 15th and “deleted” everyone. So I asked him if he has been messaging again and of course he swore up and down that he hadn’t, which obviously was a lie. I let it be and we both went to sleep. Except I was still awake, but when I knew he was asleep I went out into the kitchen and got on his computer and looked through all his Insta, Facebook, and got to WhatsApp. He had been messaging a girl on Jan 13th, I saw nudes of her and the same bs he was texting about the pregnancy stuff. So I texted the girl from his account and basically introduced myself, and went to sleep. This morning he finds out and sees the message I sent her, and is apologizing profusely, blah blah blah same BS he said a month ago when everything blew up. So I kind of just ignored him and went along my morning, showering and getting ready to go shopping with my friend. I’ve been wanting this purse from coach for a while, and he said I couldn’t get it because it was overpriced. So I decided to take his card, and I bought the bag with it while out shopping today. I get home, we talk about stuff, he still doesn’t know I used his card. We fight, I say okay, and he’s about to leave to go ref hockey. So we like “straightened things out” and I was logging onto Fortnite and said “thanks for the new bag by the way” and he was like “WHAT” and I just shrugged and he was like “NO YOU DONT GET TO DO THAT WHAT THE FUCK” and I said “well” and then he just grabbed his hockey bag and stormed out of the house saying “I thought we made some fucking progress but I guess not” and I said “ I thought the same thing” and then he was gone to his hockey games. I know in hindsight it was the wrong thing to do, but I was so angry. He got the gratification he wanted by texting someone else, so why can’t I have something I wanted? Also to preface, he makes SIGNIFICANTLY more money than I do and is very well off and financially stable. Am I in the wrong? I mean basically yeah I am but would you have done something similar or am I a crazy person? 

EDIT: I AM AN AUTHORIZED USER ON THE CARD! BUT I DIDNT ASK PERMISSION TO TAKE THE CARD!!! THATS WHAT I MEANT BY TOOK HIS CARD BECAUSE HE CONTROLS IT PRIMARILY AND IM NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH IT EXCEPT FOR EMERGENCY I APOLOGIZE FOR NOT BEING CLEAR!! ","YTA. Grow some self-respect and break up with him.

committing credit card theft as an act of revenge isn't it, lady.

Now he has the power to have you charged. if the bag was really expensive, it could be a felony. I get what you were going for but this was total dumbassery lol"
AITAH for not warning my cousin she’s dating my brother,"To be clear, my brother is not related to my cousin. My dad is a long distance trucker and a manhoe. As far as we know there are 8 of us with 6 mothers. But we all believe there are others we don’t know about, can’t ask Dad apparently it’s “none of our business”

Some of us are closer than others the “legitimate” kids (ex wife 1 and 2) are really close and my oldest sister is the one who got us together and makes us family. We have a groupchat. 

My cousin and I were close. We grew up together, her parents watched me when my mom was in school and she tutored me when I was struggling in math. She’s only a year younger than me and we’ve been like sisters most of our lives. But when I chose to go to a college a few states away we stopped talking as much and when she went to a college on the other side of the country, we pretty much only talk at family gatherings now. 

I hurt my leg before Thanksgiving this year and decided not to go, but I heard from my mom that my cousin was going to bring a new boyfriend to Christmas. I meant to text her, bullly her a bit about not sending pictures or texting me. But obviously Christmas is a busy time for any college student and I got caught up in studying and buying gifts and wrapping.

So Christmas comes and I get settled and my cousin comes in with her new boyfriend and eventually we end up in the same room and I hear obnoxious maniacal laughter because my brother saw me before I saw him and he thinks this whole thing is hilarious. 

My brother and I are not close. I think he’s 3 years younger than me and he’s a little online game addicted crypto gremlin who went through a podcast bro phase as a teenager. He’s over that now, but it did put me off hanging out with him. 

My cousin was a little embarrassed but she seemed fine over all. But a few days later she texted me very upset. And now my mom and aunt are angry at me, saying I should have warned her and she’s been calling them in absolute tears over it. And I think I might be an asshole because I did know which school they both went to, but I never registered that it was the same school and after looking it up, the campus is so small and the school only has a few thousand students. 

I mean, it’s not like my dad is her uncle. He’s just a guy my mom went on a couple dates with. Even my friends can’t agree on if I’m asshole or not. ","NTA

You didn't know."
AITAH for telling my father to piss off?,"I will keep it short. My father and I never saw eye to eye. My old man never respected what I had to say. It's always a mistake to speak my mind to him.

One of those things was asking money for my needs. I used to ask him for money for my needs like asking for my medical needs or educational needs. He always did what he believed that I needed not what I believed that I needed.

At some point, I decided that all my requests can go to hell so I started to work and make money. My parents including my father were pleased with this life improvement.

Yesterday, my father told me that I didn't need those courses about language and mathematics that were to my liking. I get upset then told him that I didn't care about what he thought that I needed. We started to get into a heated argument.

The argument got more heated and heated then I told him to piss off and other words that someone shouldn't say to their father that I rather not mention here.

Did I take it too far?",How old are you?
AITAH for Changing Schools & Leaving my Best Friend?,"*Alt account because of penpals and the east coast-- not a long story but irrelevant.

**I just saw a tag for SH, so adding a quick disclaimer here for a mention of self harm. Nothing gory.

Background:

I'm a junior in highschool (16m) and about a week ago I called it quits. I've never been much of a student, to be honest.

I am easily distracted, cannot concentrate to save my life, and am constantly overwhelmed by noises and light. I am (apparently) diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I have also struggled with self harm for about four years. This plus the gigantic cesspool of teenagers that is my high school-- it's not a good combination. 

A SH relapse 2~ weeks ago actually wound up putting into perspective how much the environment at school has been impacting me. It's a lot, by the way. I've been struggling, mentally, for all of highschool, but I am officially at the end of my rope. I am spectacularly burnt out.

My mom suggested alternative school, and after a bit of digging I've decided that agree. I am fortunate enough to live in a city with nicer alternative programs.

The Pickle:

I have a best friend, I'll call him Michael. We met freshman year and have been joined at the hip ever since. Michael's a very emotional person, more than I am, anyways. He is anxious and extroverted and does not like change.

I told him over text about my decision to move to an alternative school. I thought this would be okay, because we'd just had a conversation earlier that week about how texting helps us to better articulate our thoughts. I wanted to be clear because this is a big deal to us. Stakes for highschoolers are very low, you know.

I understand that sharing important news is meant to be done in person, but I don't think I would be able to get the words out, if i had done this face to face. Still, he was upset with me over this. I recognize that this is a social no-no. My bad.

Also: he was high when I sent the message. I mention it only because I think it made things worse. Michael agrees.

Because I have opened Pandora's box. He has been having regular panic attacks since I told him. When we message about my leaving he gets them, too. I could not keep up with my coursework and now my best friend is falling apart. My issues have suddenly brcome his problem. That feels dickish.

I value our friendship, and I will miss him a lot. But he is taking this much worse than I am and it feels unfair to Michael. He's been sending these gigantic walls of text ever since about how much he needs me and how I'm how he survives school-- how I'm the only one who gets him and that I'm his rock and a million other things.

He's upset with me because I didn't give him enough notice. He's also upset because I didn't provide timelines. *I* was not provided timelines and my estimate of .5-3 months was unsatisfactory. 

I am trying to be as transparent and open as I can but it feels like I'm emptying rounds into his foot and just watching him scream. This is hurting him so much.

I am in a position, right now, where I have to choose between my own wellbeing and someone else's. I picked myself. I picked myself and now my best friend cannot breathe. Am I the asshole?

Thanks for reading.

Also also: I'm not an r/AITAH-er, so forgive me if I've over/undershot the wordcount.","NTA, and if you have no concentrational ability, are problematically sensitive to sound and light, and are burnt out despite no particular issues with learning--you just can't manage it, you're almost certainly neurodivergent. Yes, you probably have depression and anxiety--but it's from untreated, un-accomodated neurodivergence.

Even if I am wrong, it's worth checking. You have ALL the necessary flags to make checking this worthwhile. You won't regret it if you do."
AITAH for finally saying no to my family after they used me for everything?,"So I’ve been living with my parents for the past few years while saving up for my own place. I help them with literally everything, fixing their computer problems, running errands, paying for random bills when they “forgot,” helping my younger cousin with homework, even organizing family events. I never complained because I felt like it was normal family stuff, plus I like helping.

The thing is, every single time I needed help, like with a minor car repair, or even advice on finding a new apartment, they acted like I was asking too much. My questions got brushed off or ignored, and I was left figuring it out myself. It got to the point where I realized I was basically their free assistant and emotional buffer, but they weren’t actually there for me when I needed them.

  
So yesterday, they asked me to handle a bunch of last-minute stuff for a cousin’s wedding. I straight up said no. I explained I had plans and couldn’t do it this time. Cue guilt trips, sighs, and the classic “we always count on you” line. I just told them that, yeah, they can’t always rely on me for everything and sometimes I need to look out for myself.

  
I feel bad because it’s my family, but also like finally I’m setting a boundary I should’ve set years ago. So AITAH for saying no after basically being used for everything and never being supported?","NTA. It sounds like you were giving constantly and getting very little back. Family help should go both ways. Saying no does not make you selfish, it shows self respect. Setting boundaries late is still better than never."
Wibtah if I didn't let my dad's fiance come to my wedding,"I (29) am getting engaged to my fiance (29) who is just the best and most supportive person ever. We haven't decided if we even want to have a wedding because of substantial family issues within my family. 

My parents had a horrific divorce 7 years ago after my dad was violent with my youngest sibling, who is now estranged from him. We were a military family, and there was one deployment when he came back he had serious anger issues which resulted in a tumultuous household in my teenage years and finally culminated in that last argument with my sibling. That said he's my parent and I've tried really hard to maintain a relationship with him but it's super difficult. 

 The divorce was MESSY and left them both with very little money and a whole lot of emotional issues which I wound up listening to which strained my relationships with both of them further. Fast forward to now, my dad is now engaged to a woman hes known for about a year who is just a few years older than me- which frankly creeps me out. My other sibling is also estranged from him now because of that, and I am very low contact, though i do love my dad and just really wish the situation was different. 

On some level I feel like he's my dad and he should be invited, but I just am so uncomfortable with his fiance (who is nice, none of this is her fault and she lives in another country anyway, but I don't want to have anything to do with her). There's also a significant chance that even if I don't invite them, they crash it anyway, plus it would cause a total sh!tstorm with his side of the family who I am still close with.

I have no idea what to do and I want to be respectful to everyone but I feel like there is no way to have this wedding without causing immense future drama. WIBTA if I invite him and not the fiance? ","If you don't have a good relationship with your father anyway, I don't really see why you'd need to invite either of them. Not inviting his partner would likely cause significant drama, unless he's really mature about being basically cut off by some of his family for the messy divorce and younger woman"
AITAH for getting upset at my mother (and potentially sister) for telling other people that I might be autistic,"I will keep this brief, this is just a back story. My environment growing up as tumultuous and I was constantly being blamed for things as a child (and toddler). My father confirmed with me that I was a difficult child about a year ago. Now, as an adult, they have since divorced, but I still live with my mother who still uses me as an emotional punching bag. I say that we don't get along and she vehemently  declines this is true only to turn around and proclaim that there is something wrong with me, that I'm evil, that I enjoy treating her badly, pretty much any thing to get a rise.

I was speaking to my cousin who casually brought up that she thought ""it's messed up that your mother and sister are telling people that you are autistic behind your back"". I thought, what...the fuck?! Mind you, I have never been diagnosed with anything other than depression (which I no longer have), and I mean no disrespect to those who have autism, but I thought it was super fucked up. Why you ask? Because I understood that, instead of just admitting that you don't get along with your daughter and begin working on things with her, you would rather publically  come up with yet another explanation as to why things aren't going well that is based solely on your daughters (now cognitive) inability to function in a way that is agreeable to you. AND, not only that, but you would rather express these things unbeknownst to her instead of addressing it with her directly at any time.

I thought it was SUPER fucked up. Especially when I confronted them both about it. My sister denied it entirely, although I know she's lied about me in the past.  My mother got upset and defended herself saying that autistic people are intelligent and that she was only saying it to emphasize my intelligence and particular way of communicating (with her. Since she doesn't know how I communicate with other people). That she was using to explain why am the way I am.

It's been months later since and it came up a couple other times, but she now denies ever having said anything of the sort.

My relationship with my father has gotten so much better now that I don't see or communicate with him often, and I'm thinking it'll have to be the same with my mother and sister.

EDIT: FYI, I'm a Virgo and INTP. So maybe this will help you understand my communication style

Further EDIT: My sister and mother are similar and I used to have a destructive relationship with my sister as well, but we knew we loved each other and once we came to terms that we were stuck with each other, we made a list of our triggers and worked out what we needed to to get to where we are today. It took work and we still piss each other off, but we're super close now. We don't speak all the time, but after going to hell and back she's an absolute ride or die.   
I mentioned this to my mother, but she won't even admit to get getting along. It's always a finger pointing game and egotistical shit show. I can't even tell her about a personal feeling or experience without her using it to compare it to herself in some shape, way, or form. ","NTA. Your mom didn’t diagnose you, she diagnosed herself with a refusal to self reflect. Calling you autistic behind your back is not concern, it’s character assassination with a therapy filter. You’re allowed to be mad when someone turns your personality into their excuse."
AITAH for setting and standing firm in a boundary with a friend?,"I set a boundary with my friend and now we are not speaking. Was I too harsh?

As a preface, this has been an ongoing problem for about 2 weeks. I am trying to resolve it, but nothing has budged, so I'm hoping for some insight to see what I did wrong and how I can do better. The other person in question is an avid Reddit user, but at this point I don't care if he sees this. At least it will hopefully show I am trying to do work on my end of things. I also have screenshots of the following conversations in their entirety if needed for full context, but I'm hesitant to put things on THAT loud of a blast quite yet lmao. This will be long and detailed, so I will put a TLDR at the end.

I (28NB) upset one of my best friends (40M) of 8 years by setting a boundary. We have now gone without speaking for 2 weeks, when we usually talk every day and see each other often. I miss my friend and I want to do everything I can to resolve it, but I don't want to give up that boundary I set for my own mental health.

This friend has extreme abandonment issues. I am sympathetic as I used to be very similar, but these issues often cause him to say things that hurt my feelings and make me feel like a bad friend. He accuses me of planning to leave him, and will preface normal statements with things like, ""When you get tired of me, when you realize I suck, when you leave me like everyone else."" These make me feel bad, not just for him, but about myself. I have endured this for most of our friendship, but I have recently improved my mental health drastically and am working with my therapist on setting boundaries when I am uncomfortable or hurt. So I decided that I would speak up about how it made me feel, and hopefully create a stronger friendship.

On November 6th, I sent him a text addressing this. I was very nervous, because I was new to speaking up for myself, and was afraid he would react badly. To my surprise, he took it very well! His response basically boiled down to him being proud of me for advocating for myself and that he never wants to hurt me. I was so relieved, and I felt our friendship was stronger for it.

On December 30th, he sent me a text while I was at work. It's worth mentioning here that he knows my work schedule, down to when I take my lunch. It's a full-time job, same hours every weekday. He texts me in the morning that he had a dream that everyone left him. When I didn't respond for 11 minutes, he said, ""Oh no, you guys are planning that!"" This, of course, upset me. I ignored the message and continued the other conversation we were having. When I did not address the accusation, he replied to his own text, saying, ""That's still not a denial!"" I, again, ignored this, and made a note to restate my boundaries once I was off work. He replied to his own text yet again with that gif of Homer Simpson receding into the bushes. I ignored it again, and at this point I was in quite a sour mood. My boundary felt disregarded, and it threw me off for the whole workday.

We had plans to hang out that evening, so once I got off work, I sent him a text reminding him of my boundaries so I could address it before we saw each other. It was a rather long text, as I had decided to be a bit firmer and explain a little about WHY I set the boundary in the first place. The comments he made reminded me quite a bit of some controlling abusive situations I had been in, and I hoped that telling him where I was coming from would help him realize just how important this boundary is for me and my mental health. I also mentioned twice in this message that I didn't want to deal with such heavy personal stuff at work. Since he responded surprisingly well the first time I set the boundary, I was not nervous this time around. I pressed send, and went about my evening waiting for our hangout.

Shortly after sending the message, he claimed he had a work thing come up that would take a while to resolve, and we cancelled our plans. I was still not nervous, and decided to give him as much time as he needed to digest my message and get back to me. I did not continue any other conversations, as I felt this would give him an ""out"" to conveniently ignore or ""not see"" my text. I simply waited.

The reply came the next evening after 26 hours of silence, 15 minutes before I was set to go to a New Year's Eve party with some friends. It was also a long message that started with, ""You really hurt my feelings with that text last night."" He reminded me of his abandonment issues, and then mentioned how he was upset that I got good Christmas presents from my friends and he got nothing (I don't really like/celebrate Christmas, so I didn't get anyone any gifts, not even my newborn niece. I did not snub him or anything like that). He explained how no one even texted him Merry Christmas, so he was in a bad headspace in terms of abandonment issues. He said he wasn't trying to be manipulative, he just wanted some reassurance.

This is all fair, but the message upset me because nowhere were my hurt feelings and broken boundaries addressed. I felt like I was talking to a completely different person than the one who was proud of me for setting the boundary in the first place. I was honestly quite disoriented by it. If he wanted reassurance or to talk through his feelings, I would have been open to that, but instead of asking for support or guidance, he accused me of wanting to leave him, which is exactly what I told him not to do. I wanted to cool off and clear my head before I responded, and I also had that party to get to. I decided to leave it for the night and enjoy my New Year's Eve as much as I could.

Our mutual friend (27F), who happens to be a therapist, was at this party. I ran the situation and texts by her and asked for her insight. She told me I was justified in leaving it be for the night, and that he was shirking responsibility. I did my best to put it on the back burner and enjoy my evening, hoping maybe he would take the time to reflect on his message and realize that he didn't address the issue at hand. I had some drinks and had a relatively good night.

As the next day was New Year's Day, I had the day off work. I was also hungover and tired. This is where I think I could be the asshole. I did not text him at all on New Year's Day. I could blame it on how I was hungover and tired and wanted to fully enjoy a lazy day off without stressors, but maybe I should have nutted up and said something. I didn't, and that's on me.

The next day, I am back at work. He texts me in the middle of my workday, ""So are we not talking anymore?"" I'm up to my neck in leftover work from my day off, and I had already said a few times I don't want to deal with that on the clock, so I ignored it. In my spare moments I began drafting a reply with the intent to send it after work. One hour and eleven minutes later, he texts me, ""Message received, I'm sorry for whatever I did that caused this, have a good one."" (It's worth mentioning here that I later learned he texted our aforementioned mutual therapist friend in between sending those two texts to me. That text read, ""Hey, I know I'm not really welcome among you guys anymore, and I'll respect that, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for whatever I did and I wish you all the best."") He knew I was working and didn't give me any time to reply before taking our friendship out back behind the shed and shooting it. This made me so upset and quite mad tbh. This, again, affected my workday. I broke my own rule of not texting about it on the clock, and shot back a reply, ""Dude, I'm literally at work."" I then quickly cleaned up my draft as best I could and sent it.

My reply acknowledged that he was upset and that I'd be down to talk through that later, but I'd like things to be addressed in the order they came up. I told him it hurt me that my feelings and boundaries were completely disregarded. I told him I hoped he would do some reflection and maybe see my point of view, but whether that happened or not, I would not give up my boundary. Maybe I was too harsh, as I said, ""You will have to learn to live without my constant reassurance on demand, because either you accept the boundary, or you reject it and I will have to distance myself."" I ended the message with, ""Take some time to think about what is important to you and further unpack your abandonment issues with your therapist. I'm open to talking more about it after that and when I am not on the clock.""

Complete silence after that. I was hoping he was actually respecting my new boundary and waiting to talk with his therapist and sort through his emotions before responding to me. However, a week came and went. During this time, I asked for advice on the situation from many different people with varying amounts of familiarity with him. Mutual friends of ours, friends of mine who know nothing about him, my mother, my therapist. I checked out self-help books from the library and read them, hoping for any insight on what I could do better. The general consensus was, while I may have been harsh, I'm justified in setting that boundary.

After one week, on January 9th, he texts me. Again, I am at work. He wanted to reset the address on the HBO Max account he shared with me so that he could watch some TV. At the end of the message, he said, ""Also, I miss ya dude and I'm sorry."" I let it sit until I was off work yet again, and then replied letting him know he could do whatever he wanted with the HBO account, and to please not text me at work. I ended the message with, ""Do you really miss me and are you really sorry, or are you just here for your HBO? Because if it's truly the former, I said I'd be down to discuss things after you untangle your thoughts on things with your therapist. Let me know if/when that happens."" He responded, ""Of course I do, and I had just texted about HBO because I've had the flu all week and was wanting to watch The Chair Company."" Sticking to my own rule of No Contact Until You Talk With Your Therapist, I did not respond.

That is the last direct exchange I have had with him. After a few days of silence following that, I got notifications that he had stopped sharing his location with me and left several Discord servers we were in together, including one that was just the two of us that we used for gaming together. This makes me feel like he is not going to talk about things in therapy and is instead ending our friendship. He has abandonment issues, but never once during this exchange did I want to or threaten to leave him. I just wanted him to care about my feelings and to stop doing something that hurt me. All I needed was ""I'm sorry for violating your boundary and it won't happen again."" But now we're here.

I'm trying not to jump to conclusions, as that would be putting words in his mouth and feelings in his heart, which is exactly what I don't like him to do to me. But I can't help but feel like I'm doing everything I can to make things right- Reading self-help books, talking it through with my therapist- And he will not put in any work on his end. Again, that's speculation on my part. I have spent the last two weeks scouring my own messages and thoughts, trying to pinpoint what I can change to make things better. I just miss my friend, but I feel like I don't recognize him right now.

So, am I the asshole? Are my feelings justified? What did I do wrong? What can I do to make it right, WITHOUT giving up my boundary? What books should I read on the subject? Any insight is appreciated. Ask any clarifying questions you want and I will answer honestly. If I need the brutal truth, please give it to me. I just want my friend back.

TLDR: I set a boundary with my friend, who then broke the boundary. When I called him out, he said I hurt his feelings and did not address my concerns at all, resulting in us not speaking for two weeks and counting.","NTA, why does a man in his forties need the emotional support of someone over a decade younger than him? He's acting like a child. There's nothing wrong with having struggles, but he's more than old enough to know that friends are not responsible for catering to his emotions. If he thinks he sucks and *everyone* is leaving him at his grown age, it's probably because he sucks and it's his fault. He's acting like a jealous inscecure boyfriend, and it's weird, especially considering he's not dating you or your friends. Is this friendship even worth it? Or is he just sticking around because you don't want to feel guilty? You're not guilty of anything because you don't owe him anything, no matter how much he tries to manipulate you to think otherwise."
AITAH if I sleep in my own bed while a guest is over?,"I (15f) have a family friend (40m) who visits every 2 weeks or so,  i usually have to sleep on the couch in the lounge room whenever he is over because my mother wants him to sleep in my bed, im getting sick of it and i just want  to sleep in my own bed without it smelling like a man. ","I'm torn here because it's not unusual for younger kids to give up their rooms for older guests. However, he should not be stinking up your bed and  if he is, it would be more than reasonable to expect the sheets washed and replaced after he leaves. I do think more context is needed here though who is this man? Why is he spending the night at your house all the time? Once a month or so seems like about the max that would be reasonable, more than that is just weird. And is pushing boundaries. ESPECIALLY because this man isn't related to you."
AITAH for wanting to end the friendship with my bsf?,"So I (f18) have a friend that i know for like 5 years now but we are only friends since 2/3 years because we kinda found something that we have in common. Basically it’s just that I lost interest in our friendship after she became very VERY obsessed with Korean people. She isn’t trying to turn into Korean boo but it’s like the only thing she’s interested in. I personally also liked Korean dramas but Lowkey I don’t anymore because of her obsession that made me get annoyed of them because that’s the only thing that I hear from her every day and she is annoying me with her stupidity like seriously the teacher says sorry about something because she made a mistake and she’s just asking things like why is there a mistake? (She’s asking this right after the sentence from the teacher ended saying she made a mistake) I and I’m like didn’t you listen to her and she’s like yeah I did so why the fuck don’t you know it? She’s saying things that make me think are you joking right now but she isn’t joking. It’s kind of concerning but it’s also annoying me. She’s also very negative She is literally hating on everything that lives except Asian people she’s like ugh these damn kids and I’m like girl we’re at a social work school where we learn the behaving of children?? she’s also kinda isolating me from making new friends because she hates people and because I’m her only friend whenever I’m with her nobody talks to me but when I’m alone, everybody talks to me and I’m just so annoyed of seeing her face every day in school and after school, so am I that asshole for getting so mad at her and wanting to break the friendship","I think you should just distance yourself from your friend for sometime. Don't end friendship, they might change again in the future."
AITAH do I refuse to pay for my bWhy do I refuse to pay for my brother-in-law's food because he picked me up in the rain?rother-in-law's food because he picked me up in the rain?,"Hi, I'm Brazilian and this text will probably have grammatical inconsistencies because I'm using Google, so please excuse that, but let's get to the situation:

My parents and I were talking about ordering dinner where we could all contribute money, so I texted my sister and asked if she wanted to join. (because she gets home late from work and sometimes ends up ordering something just for herself) She agreed and suggested that instead of ordering 2 large Yakisobas, we order 3. I agreed and asked if we could split the cost 5 times (making it 20 each), assuming her boyfriend would also be eating. She said it was only for 4 people, and the total would be 25 (fictitious values ​​to make the math easier). I agreed until she asked to leave one of the Yakisobas just for her and her boyfriend. I asked again if I could split it 5 times, and she refused. Then I told her to pay 40, as it was her and his share, and that neither I nor our parents would pay for her boyfriend. She disagreed, saying she would only pay 20 and calling me ungrateful and reminding me not to forget who picked me up in the rain (he literally only picked me up twice; I'm grateful, but it's nothing wow).Now she's angry with me, calling me selfish and petty, saying I treated her boyfriend like a stranger, that I don't think before I speak, and that I acted as if I were paying for something super expensive.

In short, it's a rather childish situation in my opinion, but I don't like being on bad terms with her, and I wanted to know if I was being a jerk for doing this.","NTA. Just because her ""appealing to your emotions"" attempt failed doesn't make you the AH."
AITAH for not forgiving my mom?,"I (36M) was born and raised in Korea until I was 7 years old. It was culturally appropriate at the time to literally beat your children. I’m talking wire coat hangers and bike chains to the palm and calves until I bled. And in between holding up textbooks over my head for hours at a time. Mind you I was 7. 

Forward to high school, physical violence turned into verbal abuse aimed to probably correct my actions but resulted in absolutely destroying my self esteem and confidence. 

In university, verbal abuse transformed into emotional reliance from parent to child. She would often tell me she would kill herself if I moved out of the house. 

My oldest son just turned 7 couple months ago and that age triggered something in me. It’s almost like my body held on to the memories and trauma of my childhood and when my boy turned 7, it released everything, reminding me of everything I endured at his age. 

I just can’t fathom hitting my child. He’s so little. So fragile. So innocent. How can my mom, as an adult and protector, make me bleed at such a young age? Culturally or not, as a human being, it seems ridiculous. 

Seeing my mom nowadays, I’m short to temper and I just can’t see to forgive her no matter how much I want to move on. My dad’s out of the picture. 

AITAH?",NTA to distance yourself from your abuser.
AITAH for not letting my daughters dad take her away right before my holiday?,"Hey update feom my last post!

I have replied to comments but I thought I’d make another post here so everyone could see it.

I have gathered as much evidence as I can and made an album in my phone for screenshots and videos I found.

I found a video of mark smoking 🚬💚 and I thought I could use that and say he isn’t safe around her with that. I have pictures of him lying about his broken ring doorbell and I screenshotted my angry message to him and could use it as evidence that I keep going to see him with her. 

Thank you all for your help I will be contacting solicitors when I get back from my holiday! ","Get him on child support immediately. 

Don’t want another update until you have!"
AITAH for refusing to follow my family tradition of celebrating Christmas at my mom’s house & moving it elsewhere because my sister is abusive?,"TL;DR: My younger sister is abusive to her kids. My mom enables it. Christmas at her house always ends in chaos. My kids and I don’t want to go anymore. AITA for ending the tradition even though my mom is upset?

AITAH for refusing to spend Christmas at my mom’s house anymore because of my younger sister?

I’m 42F. I have two sisters. My younger sister has serious mental health issues, never properly diagnosed, previously sectioned, refuses medication. To outsiders she seems fine. At home she is emotionally and sometimes physically abusive to her kids.

She has four kids (13F, 15M, 6M, 1F). During her rages she screams at them, hits the oldest kids and has made threats about harming herself or them. Then she comes back and everyone pretends nothing happened.

My mom enables this. She babysits constantly, basically parents for her, and even postponed surgery because my sister “can’t cope.” When incidents happen, my mom backs her up. They both see nothing wrong.

My older sister and I have tried everything over the years. Practical & emotional support, boundaries, social services, calm talks. Any pushback leads to threats and more chaos, so we pulled back for our own mental health.

Christmas is the breaking point every year. We go to my mom’s house as a yearly family tradition and my sister explodes. My niece (13F) hides. My nephew (15M) has started standing up for himself, which makes things worse.

Last year my adult kids (21M, 23F) walked out after abuse started and were called rude by sister and mom.

This year was meant to be the final chance. My nephew accidentally knocked my sister’s drink (no spillage). She screamed abuse and hit him. As he tried to run out of the room, my mom hit him on the back and also verbally abused him. There was no need for it. I challenged my sister & mom. Sister stormed out and came back later. Everyone ignored it and carried on quietly, openly upset.

My older sister and I, and our kids, don’t want to be part of this anymore. They’ve said Christmas is ruined every year by my sisters abusive outbursts, I’m left choosing between protecting my family or keeping tradition with my wider family.

We left at the end of the night. Five minutes later, my sister then verbally attacked her 15-year-old son and her 20-year-old nephew. No one told me at the time because they were scared I’d cancel Christmas permanently.

Now my mom and sister are blaming nephew 15M for “ruining Christmas,” sister said to him they wont visit family anymore because of this. He’s upset and apologising to my older sister who tried to explain it was not his fault. This cycle repeats every year.

I love my mom, but I can’t keep enabling my sister’s behaviour or my mom’s refusal to acknowledge it, especially when it hurts the rest of the family too. AITAH?

EDIT: Social services are aware. My sister has a nice home and the kids are materially provided for. She presents well and the kids lie to protect her. What happens behind closed doors isn’t seen.","Host Christmas at your house and invite those you want. Maybe your older sister's family and the older nibblings of your younger sister.

Read books about C-PTSD - because folks in dysfunctional families are subject to such a diagnosis.

Offer at least the older nephew a safe place if he wants to leave, if you can do so."
AITAH? For asking my husband to sleep facing away from me?,"For context, I asked him to turn away due to his loud snoring and me being a very light sleeper. Usually his snoring is not bad but he is suffering from allergies so there’s that. He also refuses to take any allergy medication so he just “rides it out” and I have not been sleeping well, so last night it was so loud I asked him to turn away and he got so upset this morning because of that. He stated “you snore too sometimes and I never ask you to turn away” he is a HEAVY sleeper and nothing wakes that man up. I also have to wake up before he does for work and he stays sleeping anywhere from 2-3 hours after I wake up. AITAH? ",Separate bedrooms.
Aitah for not telling prospective employer about a trip I’m not going to take.,"

Husband and I own a business. We have a trip for business with pleasure mixed  planned for March 2026. The plane tickets are refundable. It’s in Washington DC. 

We’ve had a plan for me to stop being on his payroll and get a job in the regular work force. This was agreed upon August 2025. I had a serious bike accident September 4. I had brain trauma and a shattered arm that required surgery. 

Around late November he starts saying things about how bad our finances are (they aren’t) and how I’ve let the family down by not being able to get a job yet. I had surgery to repair my shoulder and still have lasting effects of the concussion I sustained. 

I was hoping to enter into phlebotomy but my arm is still not great and mentally I’m shaken. I don’t know that I want to do it anymore. So I applied for a receptionist position at the same hospital I was hoping to work for. Today I had an interview. I’m not confident that I’ll get it at all because I was all over the place in the interview. Here’s the AH Part. 

I did not bring up the trip we had planned because my position is that should I get the job, I will not go on this particular trip. We have a 16 day cruise planned for next year so I will need to bank all the pto I can. He says I lied to them, mislead them, and “never listen to what he says to do”. I said “if you want someone else to pay me amd more importantly the employee taxes on me, you don’t get the choice on my time off .”  I should also mention that about a month ago I told him if I found employment, I would not be able to go and he said “just give me notice so I can plan”. 

Now I’m being told I’m not a good wife because i will not take off should I get the job. The paid part of pto isn’t the issue so he thinks I can just say “I won’t be here from x day to x day”. It’s an endocrinologist office reception job. They need someone reliable. I’ve been with him for 13 years and worked for him for 12. My confidence is in the toilet. And the fight that ensued further hurt my spirits. I feel like he wants to eat his cake and have it too. He just thinks I lied to them. ",Damn are you ok? Your husband treats you with so much disrespect. It honestly sounds abusive.
AITAH for choosing my BF over my friends?,"So I would like to start off by saying this post isn’t with intentions to try and get sympathy. I want to know genuinely if I am wrong. 

My best-friend and I had been friends for 14 yrs. I am 21 now this happened when I was 20. My bf is 22 and my ex friend is 19- she has an extremely late birthday but we’re both born in the same yr. We grew up together and she was my first and only friend for basically my whole life. I moved to Mormon white Utah as a child, I was only 7 when we moved here. Bc I wasn’t Mormon I had a very hard time making friends leading me to sit alone most of the time until 3rd grade when I met my now ex friend I’m gonna name her Silly. 

Silly and I started having problems when we got into high-school. She would always shoot me down abt anything I liked or was interested in. I have many memories of her saying I’m weird or embarrassing for music, clothes and hobbies I enjoyed. I remember her telling me it was embarrassing to enjoy ancient Egypt and history and “to not go around telling people that cause they’d think I’m weird”. I would tell her about things I liked or wanted such as wanting a specific pair of doc martens, she acted surprised I wanted them and then before I could save up the money to get them myself she had her parents buy her a pair and then she was wearing them everyday saying it’s now her new obsession- she did this to me multiple times. She fucked 3 of my crushes, and when I confronted her she told me she did it bc she knew I never would. One crush she fucked she ended up dating and I was heartbroken bc he and I had just started talking when she added him on snap and started talking to him. Our senior yr we became friends w a huge group of girls 7-14 girls roughly.

My boyfriend and I met in march of 2024, and started dating in June of 2024. This is where a lot of the bigger problems started. I did not tell Silly about my BF until he has asked me to be his GF she knew I was seeing someone but I gave no other details. He just so happened to be my first boyfriend ever and the first boy ever that I did not give her details about. 

During all this time my sister was diagnosed with a rare cancer. In August of 2024 my sister was rushed into emergency surgery after 2 ambulances and 3 blood transfusions. I was watching my sister lose her life right before my eyes. Silly knew about everything going on with my sister and NEVER asked me once how she was, how I was, and if I was okay. But she did asked me to go out and party with her and the other girls. But somehow we were still “bestfriends”. August of 24 was her 18th bday party I did not go because my sister was in the hospital recovering from surgery- I had stayed home that night to clean my sisters room and wash her sheets (they were covered in old blood her tumor was vascular) I wanted her to have a fresh space to come home to after surgery. I as well was watching our cats and dog. She called me multiple times that night to tell me that I was lame for not showing up and everyone else showed up but not me. I can’t lie. I didn’t care about her bday bc my sister almost died the night prior. My concern wasn’t getting drunk.

Silly told all of the girls I didn’t show up bc I was cleaning my sisters room and with my boyfriend. Leaving out a crucial detail as to why I was cleaning my sisters room and I was NOT with my BF he was home with his family. 

A couple months later it was another friends bday at this point my sister was doing well so I wasn’t concerned about being home. So I went to this girls bday. I wasn’t going to spend the night tho and I had made it clear my BF was gonna pick me up to go home since I would be under the influence and didn’t wanna drive. They begged me to stay and eventually the bday girl offered up a room to me and said invite ur BF and he can sleepover and you can stay. Which wasn’t the problem but it was clear they wanted me there and my BF is a fun man so I invited him. That night Silly said “fuck ur BF” when me and him were heading up to bed and told me to cuddle w her instead. (HER AND I NEVER EVEN HUGGED) I just told her I didn’t care and no I was sleeping w my BF. That same night she leaned into him while he was doing the dishes and told him how “sweet he is” piss me tf off. I didn’t confront her abt this until the night we stopped being friends. And she called me crazy and told me to fuck myself. I’d go to court over this with my pussy on a bible cause the last thing I’m gonna do is pull shit out of my ass.
Also during all of this she had a man!

She continued to insult my BF and his body and how he looked. I think he’s very handsome. I honestly cannot put everything she said and did to me in here bc it would be too long. I can sit here and acknowledge that I was seeing my BF a lot when we first met but when I tried to make it right apologize and see her more she stopped answering my text, would only see me if another girl was there, lied to me and said she was busy with work and then posted on her story being by herself doing a shopping haul in her car. I eventually gave up and stayed silent until August 2025 when I said I wasn’t going to her bday party I said I had plans but the truth is I didn’t want to see her. She didn’t feel like someone I knew anymore and I felt so out of place trying to talk to her. Best way i can describe it is I felt like I had to be someone I wasn’t anymore around her. Also through all of this my parents wanted a divorce and when I tried to confide in her abt it her response was “wow that’s a lot” and that was it. Soo I happily picked my BF. Turns out after we officially had a talk and were no longer friends she ran to every girl in the friend group and every girl stopped talking to me. It’s been 6 months and I don’t follow any of them anymore and they don’t follow me. I don’t know what Silly told them but it has seriously affected and hurt me deeply. Silly also continues to name call on social media about me even tho I have her blocked (my sister brought the name calling to my attention). 

(Disclaimer: I’m in therapy and am diagnosed on the spectrum. I tend to have a hard time understanding if someone is joking or being mean)

Am I the asshole for leaving behind Silly and the group of girls and choosing my BF?


","Nta at all. 

I think you’ll be a million times better off without her or the other “friends” in your life. She sounds toxic af. And they’ve listened to all the bs she’s obviously told them. I don’t think any of them should have ever been classed as friends to begin with. 

Everyone deserves a friend who supports and listens to you. And vice versa. This was NOT that at all. 

They are not worth your time. You deserve better."
AITAH for not driving my situation-ship to class?,"For context, I am 21M, situation-ship is 22F. We're both in university, and she's in the spirit marching band (I had the option but decided not to join despite her wishes because of my large course load this year). We live in the same apartment complex. but not the same apartment. Recently, this have been going pretty well between us. Yes, it's a situation-ship, but please don't make your judgement based on that fact alone.

I've been talking to this girl for a year now. She's a grade above me. Her lack of commitment isn't the issue here, so I won't go into too much detail about it, but it plays a role. A new school year has started and with it, the first softball game she'll play at. She asked me to drive her to rehearsal, then from rehearsal to the softball field, and then pick her up after the game.

I've been giving her occasional rides to and from class when I'm not busy and able to do so, and I've been genuinely happy to do so (and offered)! When she asked me to drive her to rehearsal and pick her up from the game, I wanted to help out and agreed. She asked me to drive her from rehearsal to the softball field after, and I refused.

Here's the issue: The rehearsal building is a straight-shot, no-hill, 9 minute walk away from the rehearsal building, and rehearsal ends 15 minutes before the game starts. When I asked her, she said she was worried about not making it on time. They band directors will release them on time, because students being late to the event would reflect poorly on them, not to mention that there are a lot of other band members without a car. It's a 10 minute drive to the rehearsal building and, as I mentioned before, I've got a heavy course load. Additionally, I really dislike having to drive my car (both for financial and environmental reasons) and she is aware of this. She also has an electric scooter that she didn't charge, despite having ample time to.

I've been in therapy years now, and have discovered that one of my issues is constant fawning (basically, chronic people-pleasing). Recognizing that I was doing it again, I decided to set the boundary and when I told her I didn't want to drive her, there was an immediate mood change. I was very kind and considerate in my wording and tone, and she did not return it.

She denied that I was fawning (a feeling that's very easy for me to recognize) and quickly shut down all conversation. It felt invalidating that she told me my reaction wasn't real. She said something along the lines of, ""this is why I'm hesitant to get into a relationship with you,"" which really hurt because it felt like she's using commitment as a false reward for favors. I've helped her through some of the most difficult times in her life, and she's choosing to focus on the one time I didn't drive her 60 seconds to the field.

From my perspective, a drive to the field is unnecessary and impractical. She has a history of not respecting boundaries, and this seems like a continuation of that. I didn't sign up for band because I didn't want the responsibility, and it feels like she's upset that I don't want to share that responsibility with her. She didn't charge her scooter despite the opportunity, and now it's my issue. I'm really trying to use what I learned in therapy, and her reaction is making me feel bad for trying. I'm not sure I feel safe talking to her about these things anymore.

That said, I can see where she's coming from. I am always the one to drive us places, and this is a change in my behavior. It might not make sense to her why I'm not I'm not helping her in this situation, but I do in other situations. AITA?","A situation ship is that so it’s not complicated and you can break it off because you have no obligations to this girl. I suggest you do that. Also not everyone needs to know your private business like therapy, why you go etc… it’s very easy for people to use that against you. Information diet next time."
"AITAH for not wanting to have a thorough convo with a friend about how a mistake she made (that negatively affected me, but was resolved) is still making her deeply upset and hurt?","TLDR: aitah for refusing to have a personal conversation with my friend about how hurt she is that it upset me when she gave out my home address to a stranger without my consent?

(\*Sorry it’s so long. This shouldn’t even be a thing, IMO, but after writing this all out, I’m pretty sure IATA. Minor details changed, texts paraphrased for privacy\*)

I (39f) live alone, outside a major city. A couple of weeks ago I received a greeting card in the mail from an out-of-state address I didn’t recognize. No name, just the address. The card was a photo of a German Shepard and an orange tabby cat cuddling like bffs (so cute). It was addressed to my current name in nickname form, which was my first ‘WTF’ because I changed my name and moved states a long time ago to ensure my abusive family could not find me (again). There have been a couple times when I’ve gotten mail from my ex-aunt or ex-mother with a kind of \*Aha! I found you!\* message slathered in faux concern and this will trigger my hypervigilance and anxiety great heights.

I looked up the address on Google Maps; did not recognize. Looked up the address on a people finder site. Nothing familiar. Clicked a different name and looked at that profile. Still didn’t recognize any names, and now I’m starting to panic. \*Who tf knows my name and home address?!\* I had to go down three levels before finding a name I recognized: the last name of my friend’s roommate. So texted that friend (Jo, fake name) asking if she knew who this could have been from. She was like

“Oh yeah! That’s my roommate’s cousin, she lives on a farm in \[several states away\] and her pets are besties with each other.”

I asked, “You gave out my address?”

“Yes, sorry I forgot to ask you first, but I thought you might enjoy getting cute animal pics in the mail.”

This is the first thing that makes me second guess if I’m overreacting. But I texted back: “Okay well I was totally freaked out. I thought my bio family had found me. I’m glad it’s someone you know personally, but I don’t, and giving out my home address without my consent just isn’t cool.” She immediately crashed out in a shame spiral: “omg I’m so sorry, I was trying to do something nice for you, I’m so sorry I misstepped, I didn’t mean to do anything wrong” but like, \*walls\* of text. My heart broke. It’s not a friendship ending mistake, but it’s still a mistake, right? Maybe I’m being a bitch?? So in the middle of her texts (they just kept coming) I sent a “I’m not mad, I just need a moment. Sometimes it’s hard to tell you when you’ve made a mistake because you take it so hard… but I am not mad. I know I’ll get over it, it just sent me reeling. I apologize if I sound abrasive.” but the texts kept coming including one where she asked if I could call her to reassure her because she was having a panic attack.

This triggered me. This is something my ex-mom used to do. She’d forget to pick up from school or do something that scared me, and then shame spiral so bad that I ended up having to comfort her and rescue her from her own guilt. I’ve done a LOT of therapy and DBT around this. I referred to my training and told myself: \*You are not responsible for her guilt. You didn’t do anything wrong here. Your reaction was valid. And hers might be too, sometimes people filter their emotional reactions thru their life experience, and you know Jo had a really difficult childhood.\* Jo is an extremely beautiful, introverted and sensitive person. We’ve never had any big wrinkles in our friendship, this is the first one. But I know from being her friend that it’s hard to tell her she’s done something wrong, or that she’s hurt your feelings because I’ve observed how much guilt and shame she takes on, like legit trauma. It really, really hurts my heart to see her struggling or in pain.

But in this case, I got mad. I was still trying to recalibrate from the state of panic I had been in, but she’s asking \*me\* to help \*her\* though this? The whole thing was her fault! “I hate that you are struggling right now, but I can’t be the one to comfort you about this, when I’m the one whose privacy was violated.”

Of course, that just made things worse on her end. She sent so many long apologetic texts (she contacted the sender and asked that my info be deleted from her mailing list) that it started to feel like I was being manipulated so I just signed off saying “Thank you for doing that, we can talk about this another time. I love you.”

A week goes by, and I text Jo a funny meme to sort of check in. She replied, “I’d like it if you could call me when you have the time. I don’t really wanna have this conversation over text. I’m feeling a way about this as well.” I said, “well I’m mostly over it. It was just you asking me to comfort you that bothered me the most. It didn’t feel fair or appropriate” but she just repeated she didn’t want to do this over text, followed by two long texts about communication styles and how hurt she is that I said it’s sometimes hard to tell her she hurt my feelings because of how hard she takes it. She goes on to say she has a habit of not speaking up when she’s uncomfortable, and so she wants to be brave this time. Her feelings are hurt that I didn’t even thank her for the kind thought, even though “it went awry. I was trying to do something nice and it got blown out of proportion.” Ooooooh the way I was instantly triggered all over again. \*Went awry?\* Girl. This was not a sitch that you lost control of. This was a sitch you created out of thin air, and was bad judgement from start to finish. And you want me to \*thank you?? ‘Blown out of proportion?? By who exactly? Me??\* I said, last week, back in the moment, that I wasn’t mad, and that I’d get over it soon. Jo is insisting that we have a good, thorough conversation about this because “we both got hurt from it and we both deserve to feel a respectful resolution.”

This is where I think I’m being as asshole. I DO NOT WANT TO. I don’t f’cking want to! Everything in my gut is telling me not to engage with this. The whole dialogue is so familiar to me and I have worked so hard strengthening my emotional self awareness. I even talked about this with my therapist and she basically said  “it seems like she’s making a mistake she did to you, all about herself and her mental health / healing” but without her hearing Jo’s side, I just don’t know.

AITAH for refusing to have a closure conversation about her being upset that it bothered me that she gave out my address without consent? Does that sounds ridiculous to you as it does to me? Or am I being obtuse and insensitive?","Unless you are her therapist, NTA to close a subject."
AITAH for wanting to watch a show after my boyfriend told me it makes him uncomfortable?,"It's a gay hockey show on hoo max called Heated Rivalry which has quite of bit of sex scenes. I actually started watching it with him but he didn't like it much so when I mentioned just watching it on my own I could see his visible discomfort. Later he told me, me watching it makes him insecure and uncomfortable but he knows he shouldn't and doesn't want me to tell me what I can and can't watch but idk. His reaction makes me feel like if I do watch it I'm being a bad partner, feeling really conflicted. ",This sounds like a job for a conversation.
AITAH for dancing with another guy during a dance class where leads rotate?,"So my boyfriend and I attended one of my dance classes. We were doing partner work during which the instructor has the leads rotate.(he knew this ahead of time) 
At one point everyone was so out of order there was a scramble for dance partners. Basically you have to get to your partner in time to catch the beat and freestyle the moves we’ve learned.  There were 3 people coming to me. I froze. My boyfriend and I locked eyes. another guy grabbed my hand and my bf had to dance with someone else. I didn’t know what to do

","rotating partners is a standard part of group dance classes.   if either you or your boyfriend has a problem with that, sign up for private lessons.  


you did nothing wrong."
AITAH for being hurt that my family doesn’t care about me anymore?,"I’ve been no contact with both of my parents and my entire family for 4 years now, I was the oldest that they had at 16, they broke up then got back together and got married when I was 8 and they always just treated me like a burden and an afterthought and always preferred everyone else over me, so at 18 I moved away for college and cut them all out of my life.

Earlier today I was shopping at my grocery store and I ran into both of my parents and siblings, I don’t know what they were doing there they live almost 2 hours away from here, my dad saw me and he looked at me and just carried on, not a single hi or nod or any acknowledgment whatsoever that I was there, and I don’t know why but it hurts so fucking much, like I don’t care about them and haven’t in years but them just not giving a single fuck about me anymore fucking hurts, when I first went no contact for weeks and months they tried reaching out to me, they wanted me, but today they were literally right there and I still didn’t get a single hey or any sort of acknowledgment, like they just moved on with their lives.

I don’t know why that even matters to me but goddamn it hurts so bad. Is it wrong for me to have assumed that they would still care about me?","You went no contact with them, they tried to reach out to you and you ignored it. What did you expect them to do?"
AITAH For Only Knowing What THEY Taught Me?!,"Throw away because some coworkers know my regular account and I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings. 



Honestly, did not think this would turn into anything serious, but now it has become a whole situation and people are acting like I did something wildly wrong, so I need outside opinions.

This started about six weeks ago. I agreed to take over part of a shared responsibility that had already been partly handled by someone else. At the time everyone seemed clear on what that meant, so there was no long explanation. It was basically just “handle the second part and we are good.”

I brought what I was told to bring and gave it to the person who usually coordinates everything. He looked it over, said it was fine, and set it aside. Nothing about that felt unusual.

Later someone asked if it had already been processed. I said yes, because I had handled it. What I did not realize was that they were referring to a completely different step that no one had ever mentioned to me. Nobody corrected me and I did not know we were talking about two different things.

A few days later there was suddenly an issue because the reference numbers did not match what they expected. I was told this only happens when certain steps are done out of sequence. This was the first time I was hearing that there was even a specific sequence to follow.

Then I was told I was responsible for the “second adjustment.” I did not know there had been a first adjustment. The only thing that had been mentioned to me before was something described as a preliminary step, and I did not realize that counted as part of the official process.

So I went in and corrected what I thought needed correcting. While I was doing that I moved one of the attached items to make it easier to work with. I did not remove anything or throw anything away, I just shifted it.

Apparently that changed the order, which meant the confirmation that had already been issued was now considered invalid, even though nothing about the actual contents had changed.

Now people who were not even there are upset and saying they would have handled it differently if they had been present. The coordinator is saying I should have known not to touch anything after the adjustment stage, even though no one ever told me that stage existed.

No one lost money. Nothing broke. But now I am being treated like I caused a major disruption and that I altered the timeline, which I genuinely do not understand.

I feel like I did exactly what I was supposed to do based on what I was told, and that I am being blamed for a system that was never actually explained to me.

So AITAH, for what I did?

","You’re definitely NTA. Sounds like you were given half the info and expected to read minds for the rest. If no one told you about the full process or the order, you can’t be blamed for missing steps. The real issue is poor communication, not you moving a thing around to help. Don’t stress it too much."
AITAH? Imploring advice.,"Hello. I'm really struggling with something. I recently ghosted my ""sister-in-law"" (husband's brother's girlfriend), who I have gotten pretty close with in the last 2 years. There has been no fallout. We have a great relationship.  Here's the situation. Most of our conversations involve her complaining about my brother-in-law. Her complaints are completely legitimate. However, it puts me in a bit of an awkward situation. In addition to that, the negativity is starting to bring me down. The other piece of this is she has a skill of non-stop talking. We took a round trip 8-Hour drive and there was not one moment of silence. No exaggeration. The conversations are always about her and I can barely get a word in edgewise. If I do get a word in, it's a sentence or two, maybe a paragraph if I'm lucky, and then it goes right back to her. I feel completely emotionally drained after spending time with her. The constant listening and feeling like a therapist is exhausting. Ghosting her is a form of self-care for myself, but I feel guilty. I would never deliberately hurt her and I know she has to be wondering why I haven't been in touch . I don't know how to tell her any of the above without hurting her feelings. Thoughts? Advice?","Soft YTA you should be honest and say that you don’t want to hear it. She can’t know this is bothering you unless you tell her. “If you’re going to stay with him and he’s not being abusive, I don’t feel comfortable hearing about the ins and outs of your relationship troubles so much. That’s still my BIL” is a fair request. 

Ghosting isn’t about not hurting her feelings, because either way you’re hurting her feelings. Ghosting is just to save yourself from an awkward conversation, but adult relationships require them sometimes. It’s for your benefit, not hers."
AITAH for still being angry years later after my dad didn’t tell me I was attending his pre-wedding dinner?,"Hi! First of all, I'd like to apologize for any mistakes; I'm French, so English isn't my native language. This is also my first time posting, so I'm a little nervous.

I’m wondering if I’m overreacting or holding into something I should have let go of.

For background: my parents separated when I was 10 (my sister was 14). My father was emotionally distant, alcoholic, often aggressive, and very self-centered. Growing up, I learned quickly that my feelings and opinions didn’t matter to him. He cared a lot about appearances and how things looked to others, but behind the scenes my mother did all the emotional and practical work of raising us.

Because of this, I learned very young not to rely on him, not to confide in him, and to keep quiet to avoid conflict. Talking back or expressing myself only made things worse. I developed a lot of anxiety and very low self-esteem as a result.

After the separation, despite not wanting to see him anymore, I was forced into shared custody and had to visit him every other weekend. When my sister turned 18, she eventually cut contact with him after one final incident where he humiliated and verbally attacked her. After that, I was the only one still seeing him.

At 17, I was very withdrawn, anxious, and used to staying silent to get through visits with him.

That’s when the incident happened.

He told me he would be traveling to Gabon during Christmas break for “a family wedding.” He never said it was *his* wedding. I didn’t question it because he never talked about his family anyway.

One weekend, he took me to dinner with people he described as “friends.” It turned out to be a large family gathering. I was shy, barely spoke, just tried to be polite and invisible.

During the meal, an older woman asked me if I was going to the wedding. I laughed and said no. There was an awkward silence. My father quickly said I had too much schoolwork and changed the subject.

A few days later, while shopping for suits and then wedding rings, I asked him why ***he*** was buying the rings.

That’s when he casually said:  
“It’s my wedding.”

I was shocked. I laughed because it felt unreal. I later realized that the dinner I attended was actually with **the bride’s family**, and no one had thought to tell me who they were or what the context was. I had even spoken briefly on the phone with the woman he was marrying, but he never told me she was his partner or future wife.

To make it worse, I later learned she already had a son. My father had always wanted a boy and had been openly disappointed when he learned my mother was pregnant with a girl. That realization hit very hard.

Looking back, I feel like I was brought to that dinner as a prop — to be shown, not included, without being informed or respected as a person.

At the time, I said nothing. I was dependent on him for transportation and had learned that staying quiet was safer. A year later, when I turned 18, I cut contact with him entirely.

Today, years later (I'm 24), the story as a whole feels absurd and almost funny. But that specific dinner still makes me angry. I feel humiliated on my younger self’s behalf and resentful that I was put in that situation at all.

So… AITAH for still being angry about this years later?","I have just watched the latest John Wick, apologies: it depends how you use your anger and who you direct it at.

Seriously though: i think if you feel angry it's because you care. You need to decide whether you want your father to have this hold on you. Don't let him pollute and spoil your peace. Someone who has let you down repeatedly shouldn't get to contaminate your life with his failure as a parent."
AITAH for “forcing” my daughters father out of her life.,"AITA for “ forcing” my daughter’s Father out of her life. This is seems so long so sorry. 
My daughter is 10 years old. Her biological father (29M, I’ll call him “L”) and I have had a custody agreement since she was 2. I understand how custody works and have always tried to follow the agreement, even when it was emotionally difficult for me or my child.
L’s pattern of absence started almost immediately. When our daughter was 5 days old, he left New Mexico claiming he had to attend a custody battle involving his parents in Texas. That was a lie. He took my car, went to party with friends (he was underage), totaled the vehicle, and left beer boxes in the backseat. His family had to bring him back to NM. That was the first major sign that the family I thought we were building wasn’t real.
When our daughter was 6 months old, L woke up one morning and told me he was moving back to Texas. At the time, I was working full-time, making good money, paying for a car, and supporting our household on my own. I told him I would still make sure our daughter saw him and I did. I drove her 7 hours every other weekend while working full time. Later, I found out from his parents that L often didn’t even have her; they did.
When he asked to move back to NM, I agreed, hoping he would step up. In 2017, I even transferred my job to Texas to give him another chance. We lived briefly with my dad, then with L’s mother. That situation lasted two weeks before I ended the relationship permanently and moved out with my daughter. We went to the Attorney General and set up a standard custody agreement: I was primary, and he was ordered to pay child support.
From that point on, L’s involvement steadily declined. He missed birthdays, holidays, and went six months with no contact when our daughter was 4. She cried after missed visitations and asked why he didn’t show up. His father and stepmother (who have always supported me) were often the only reason she saw that side of the family.
I later had another child with a different partner (BD), who became a consistent and loving father figure to my daughter. During my second pregnancy, I was placed on strict bed rest and later in a wheelchair. Even though L lived only 15 minutes away at the time, he refused to help with our daughter. She ended up staying temporarily with my mom so I could manage medically.
In 2022, I moved back to New Mexico because there was nothing left for us in Texas. L visited once in March 2023 to watch a soccer game, which meant a lot to my daughter both her “dads” were there. That was followed by one more brief visit. Then nothing.
By this time, my daughter viewed BD as her dad and referred to L as “first-name dad.” L has never consistently followed the custody agreement and has also been arrested multiple times, including two DUIs.
In summer 2024, L demanded his summer visitation. My daughter is high-functioning autistic, very routine-based, and had never spent more than two days alone with him. She didn’t want to go, but I followed the agreement. The visit went badly. L did not have adequate clothes for her and made her rewear the same pajamas for multiple days. She spent most of the visit crying and FaceTiming me, asking when she could come home.
Her paternal grandmother eventually picked her up early and called me in tears, saying both she and my daughter were crying and that my daughter was clearly distressed. That was the last time L saw her in person.
In summer 2025, while visiting his family (not L), he told her over the phone that he was going to fly her to see him without telling me just going straight to her. She panicked, hyperventilated, and completely shut down. After conversations with me, her aunt, and her grandmother, my daughter chose to block him on her phone. He has never been blocked on my phone and knows how to reach me.
Since then, he has made no effort. He hasn’t followed the custody agreement, hasn’t checked in, and owes nearly $40,000 in back child support. Recently, I asked him once and a month early for $200 toward her birthday because she joined an expensive sport. He accused me of “forcing him out of her life.”
I told him calmly that no one forced him out his actions did. I have never kept his daughter from him. I allowed my child to set boundaries for her emotional safety while keeping communication open through me.
So, AITA for “forcing” him out of my daughter’s life”and allowing my daughter to block her father when he still has access to me and has repeatedly chosen not to show up?","You know the answer.  NTA, of course!  Don’t let that man-child manipulate you."
AITAH for refusing to let my roommate donate my shared plants to a charity sale?,"I live with a roommate and we both tend a bunch of houseplants in our apartment. Recently, she decided she wanted to donate some of the plants to a local charity sale without asking me first. I told her no because some of them were gifts from my family or had sentimental value, and I didn't feel comfortable giving them away. She got really upset, saying it was ""for a good cause"" and that I'm being unreasonable. I offered to let her pick a few of her own plants to donate, but she's still angry and won't talk to me. AITAH?","Take a photos of the plants, it would not surprise me if some of yours went missing."
AITAH for telling my girlfriend I like her mom?,"I was invited by my girlfriend to spend winter break with her family. When I accepted she warned me that her mom is ""a lot"" and asked me to please not judge her on her mom's neuroticism and passive aggression. She said her dad and brothers are great, and putting up with her mom was worth it to get to know them, but to please not let her mom chase me off. She also said not to worry because she and her dad would ""protect"" me.

I was a little nervous after that, but I was also still excited. When winter break rolled around we made the drive to her parent's house. As soon as I got there everyone was happy to see me. They were all so warm and welcoming. Her mom was very friendly and offered me refreshments as soon as I stepped foot inside. She also thanked me for taking my shoes off. My girlfriend told her mother not to ""start in on the lectures"" but she didn't lecture me. She just said thank you.

The whole time I was there everyone was lovely, but my girlfriend and her brothers and dad frequently told off the mom for being ""rude"" or ""demanding."" When I got up to help her do the dishes my girlfriend's dad told me not to, and I said I always do it at home and would feel weird not doing it. My girlfriend's brother asked her if she was ""training"" me. She looked embarrassed and asked me to sit back down. I felt weird about watching her mom clean without doing anything, so I didn't listen to her, and she was a little irritated but quickly got over it.

The trip was great, but it was also weird because, well, as nice as everyone was to me, they were so mean to their mom. At one point her dad called my girlfriend the princess, and I said, ""that makes your mom the queen, right?"" My girlfriend said ""more like the dictator"" and her dad laughed! If I said that about my mom my dad would have slapped me. I know every family is different, but it was a bit of a culture shock.

On the way home my girlfriend said I did great and everyone loved me and that she apologized for her mom. I said I didn't understand why she was apologizing. I said I like her mom. She asked me what I mean, and I said that she's nice. My girlfriend said that I didn't have to grow up with her. She said I didn't know the real her, and that she was just putting on a nice face for a guest. I asked what sort of stuff her mom did when she was a kid. She said her mom was crazy strict and demanding, and that if her dad hadn't been there to protect her she ""wouldn't have made it through."" She said he would have divorced her mom by now if not for her brothers and that he made a huge sacrifice for them. I said I was sorry she went through that.

Since we got back her mom hasn't come up again until last night when one of our friends was complaining about a professor who is completely unreasonable, and my girlfriend said ""you should meet my mom. She's the definition of unreasonable."" I don't know if this was a self-destructive impulse or too much beer, but I said ""I really liked her mom. She was nice."" My girlfriend was pissed. She said she couldn't believe I would say that after she told me how nasty her mom was to her growing up. I apologized, but then I said she never actually said what her mom *did*. She said she shouldn't have to.

She didn't text me back this morning. Am I the asshole? I'm inclined to think that obviously I'm the asshole for dismissing my girlfriend's suffering, but I also can't escape how bad I feel for her poor mother.",So this is a phenomenon. Men hating their wives and then the kids follow. Its really sad. I wouldnt stay a part of this family.
AITAH for telling my friend a mutual friend was being inappropriate after being told not to?,"So boom I (16F) told my friend Jennifer (15F) that a mutual friend of ours was talking sexually to her boyfriend after deliberately being told not to by other members of the group. I'm going to use fake names but I doubt they'll ever see this. Basically, I was told on the bus Friday after school by David (15FM) that Mia (14F) told Bryan she was gonna suck his dick and slurp his cum. Vulgar, I know. I clarified several times that she is very aware someone in our group, Jennifer (15F) was already talking to him. She does and doesn't care. In fact, she used to like him when she first arrived and would tell Jennifer the things Bryan would say about her so there is no excuse about not knowing. David brushed it off and said he ""doesn't care"".

I went home and told another very trust worthy member of the group Emily (16F) about the situation to see if I should tell Jennifer or not. Emily agreed to a tea that is was weird and I should let Jennifer know so she knows not to be all in Mia's face moving forward. I consulted in another member, Issac (14F) who turns out, already knew, because Bryan told him they were ""flirting"" all period and she made the vulgar comment at the end. He told me not to tell her because it's not my place and it would be messy. He also used the excuse of it being a ""joke"" and that being the way she talks which it is. She's nasty as fuckk and i'm not trying to be funny either. Second week of being at the school she was caught coming out the boys locker room with someone, got ingered on her period, and gave someone head. Ive never been close to her because I just honestly got weird vibes from the shady jokes and comments she makes towards me.

I understand he was trying to avoid drama but like.. you're not gonna tell her..? I told him I wouldn't which I wasn't but I couldn't stop thinking that I would be a bad friend for not ever telling her because I remember everytime I wish one of my friends spared me heartache. so I did. I wrote it on a note in 3rd period since that's what she told me to do instead of waiting for class to be over. She proceeded to put on her instagram note ""y'all hoes have no self respect and you niggas love it"" (don't come for the queen i'm black) to which Mia came up to her nearing the end of lunch after staying away from us the whole time to quote her note and ask who she was talking about. They didn't fight because once Mia realized we were ignoring her she walked off. Now, my friend Issac and David got on the phone and were mad at me for ""going"" against what they said and not staying in place.

They THEN switched it up and claimed they were gonna tell her but I shouldn't have because I didn't have all the details or know the full story but he made it seem like he wasn't gonna tell her ever. Emily still agrees I was in the right and everyone else I told the story to in code of course thought it was nasty of Mia and it was right for me to tell. I felt like I would have been a horrible friend for not telling her and maybe I could have minded my business but in all honesty, not much drama has sparked. They aren't arguing. They aren't throwing shots on social media. They aren't talking about each other. To my knowledge atleast. In fact, they told me that Mia doesn't even care about the whole situation. I also want to add that Issac took a picture of the note I gave to Jennifer in class because she kept it, was screenshotting things I said to present on the phone and was recording the actual call which all rubbed the wrong way. The situation is not that big enough for you to feel like you need all this fucking evidence but ok girl. Anyways, let me know","She said it in front of your friend group. Here’s the thing about teenagers, they’re gonna talk. She’s going to find out. Dentist as motivation to do the right thing"
AITAH for not wanting to give my parents 50% of my paycheck?,"I'm intending on getting an upcoming summer job, and discussed it with my parents who said that was a wonderful idea. They then followed up with me a few days later and said I'd be giving them 50% of my paycheck. i retaliated and all they really said is that I owed it to them. for context though, I only live under their roof 30% of the time, as we don't *have* a roof. we've been switching between motels and family friends houses for a while now, and because of that I'm almost always at my boyfriend's house (he picks me up from school, I stay until 9 then come home just to shower and sleep, and I'm usually there on weekends too.) and I hardly eat with my parents because I usually ate with my boyfriend. Additionally, my boyfriend said he'd feel 100% willing to drive me to and from work everyday, so they wouldn't even be doing that. i understand we're in a bad place but that is not fault of mine (they cannot drive due warrents and lack of insurance and only get under the table pay) and while I would be willing to pitch, say, 25% out of love for them I feel 50% is absolutely excessive and exploitive especially being that I'm under 18 therefore am not freeloading of any sort. so aitah?","NTA. You’re under 18 and your parents are legally responsible for you, not the other way around. Asking for 50% of your paycheck when you barely live with them and they aren’t providing stable housing is unreasonable. Offering 25% is more than fair given the situation, especially since you’re covering your own food and transportation."
AITAH for ghosting my FWB?,"I'm 18 FTM and began a friendship with this girl we’ll call Lena (20 MTF).

We developed this routine of me coming to her dorm to hang out. A couple of weeks went by, and I noticed that Lena called me her “situationship” to one of her online friends, which made no sense to me because she had a bf, and I even said we're just friends.

One day, we’re hanging out (I literally don't remember how this happened), but my hand ended up on her chest. I think I meant to put it around her shoulder while we were watching a show (because she always wanted to be close to me), and I accidentally grazed her chest. She didn't mind, though, and she actually liked it, so I kept touching her. Even though I wasn't actually interested. (apperently bf is fine with being open, so I'm not a home wrecker)

She asks if I’m bi, to which I say no, and she asks if she's an exception to my gayness. I say no to that also.

We continue hanging out like normal, and at some point says that she's not a top for dysphoria reasons. And that if we ever had sex, I’d have to top with a prosthetic. I told her I don't top, so we wouldn't have sex in the first place.

I think around this time, we had started making out, which was fine. I told her, it’s not terrible, it doesn't do anything for me. It was just something to do. Which sounds harsh, but I'm highlighting that she knew from the beginning I wasn't attracted to her, and anything we did was not out of true desire for a relationship.

Eventually, we do have sex because she says she’ll top. I'm at this point a virgin and extremely horny from my testosterone, so I say yes. Afterwards, she asked what I felt, and I had to break the news that I was very much still gay and not into her.

Afterwards, now and then we’d give each other head. She'd try being more romantic, which I didn't reciprocate. She said something like “I want more romantic stuff, and I feel like you just want sex.” I told her what I had already said multiple times: I didn't want anything romantic, and the sex is meaningless. I even told her that I felt like I was taking advantage of her because she liked me. But she insisted it was fine.

Eventually, I stopped doing anything sexual with her, including kissing.

I stopped hanging out with her because I made some other friends, and I truly just wasn't having a good time with her. I eventually ghosted and blocked

Lena lives in the dorm building next to mine, which is the dorm where one of my friends lives; we were walking into the building and ran into Lena in the lobby. She looked pissed at me, but my friend and I just kept walking.

One of my other friends told me that Lena “being 20 and mad about a one-sided situationship with an 18-year-old is embarrassing,” but what do you guys think?

",FTM with a MTF. Almost like being straight with extra steps
AITAH for not helping others?,"I work at a manufacturing company as a Project Coordinator and I have about 15 projects im currently. Everyone day i come in an hour early to answer emails and get caught up on aspect of each project. Lately I've been good at staying organized and being on top of things to the point, im usually waiting for replies from customers or other departments.  So I decided to turn showing on my phone to play and I listen with a ear bud in just to have noise playing in the background. Coworker will walk by and to them it seems im not working and just laid back and now they are made cause im not running around stressed like them. Also, they are made i don't offer to take more off their plates. So AITAH for not offering to help a d just focusing on my work? In my defense they never ask me if I can help anyways. So why do I want to put more on plate? It's not my fault they don't come in early and organize better.  I guess I could stop having a shoow play and pretend to look busier. ",If you have time to relax maybe you don't have to come in quite so early any more.
AITAH for telling my sister to move out after trying to help her leave a toxic family environment?,"I (54F) grew up in a highly dysfunctional family with a mother who displayed long-term emotionally abusive and narcissistic behavior. For my own wellbeing, I went no contact with her about 20 years ago. My younger sister, Daisy (52F), remained living with her for decades.

As the years went by, my sister’s situation deteriorated. About a year ago, she asked for help leaving our mother’s house, and I agreed to support her so she could stabilize her life.

For roughly a year, I have financially supported her. This included paying for housing, monthly living expenses, and weekly therapy sessions. I also provided a small studio apartment that I own so she could live independently while working on therapy and job searching. This arrangement was always intended to be temporary. My husband and I live in a different apartment in the same building.

To give her a sense of contribution, I asked her to help care for my dogs twice a day. Over time, I noticed repeated boundary issues. She used one of my tablets without permission, used money intended for dog supplies for personal expenses, and moved my belongings in the studio apartment without asking. When I addressed these issues, her response escalated into emotional distress, including statements about feeling numb and having passive thoughts of wanting to die.

I also noticed that she spent most of her time isolated, watching streaming TV, with limited engagement in responsibilities or job searching.

Her presence began triggering childhood memories. When we were younger, there were incidents of physical violence toward me. I believed those behaviors were long in the past.

Several months ago, she borrowed my computer to log into her Google account for a therapy session and forgot to log out. I made the decision to access her account and read her therapy journal without her knowledge. I understand this was a breach of privacy, but what I read significantly changed my assessment of the situation.

In her journal, she described intense resentment toward me that predated my helping her. She framed me as someone who was always favored and whose life was made easy, despite my own history of abuse, financial hardship, and estrangement from our family. She also admitted that several acts of harm toward animals in childhood, which I had previously believed were accidental, were intentional. She explicitly wrote that she believed I would remove her from the apartment if I knew this.

After reading this, I no longer felt safe being alone with her. I developed severe anxiety, and my husband now insists that I not meet her privately. All interactions now happen in public or in writing.

We have decided that she can no longer stay in the studio apartment or have access to our home. I plan to ask her to return the keys and move out. I will cover transportation costs and the cost of sending her belongings to wherever she chooses to go. I will also continue paying for therapy and provide limited financial support for a short transition period, but I cannot continue housing her or being this involved.

I feel conflicted because I originally helped her leave an abusive environment, and this decision may result in her returning there. At the same time, continuing this arrangement no longer feels safe or sustainable.

AITAH for asking my sister to move out and stepping back after trying to help her leave a toxic family situation?

**TL;DR:**  
 I financially supported my sister for a year to help her leave our abusive mother, including housing and therapy. I later accessed her therapy journal without permission and learned she harbors long-standing resentment toward me and admitted to past intentional violence I was unaware of. I no longer feel safe and want her to move out while still offering limited transition support. AITAH?",Helping someone doesn’t mean sacrificing your own safety or mental health forever. You tried. She crossed boundaries repeatedly and the journal stuff is genuinely scary. It’s okay to step back before things get worse.
AITAH for wanting space from my friend,"Me (f22) and my roommate (f21) are having a big disagreement. 

For context we have been roommates for almost two years. Our other two roommates (f 21 and f21) left for clinicals back home so its just been friend A and I. Friend A and I have been friends for almost three years now so we are pretty close. However being alone with her for the past couple weeks while school is starting is becoming overwhelming. She is upset I want to spend time with my boyfriend of about a couple months to get to know him better. He lives down the street so I can see him any time which is nice. She just got out of a relationship and has been sensitive when it comes to me and my relationship. She never wants him to steal me from her while she is upset about her breakup. She feels jealous and hostile when it comes to him bc im just happy. 

Our disagreement is she is wanting all of my time and only wanting me to spend time with her and not using her other resources while dealing w her breakup. Its been almost a week since it occured and I've been there and supportive. My boyfriend sent me ice cream and has not been over bc i was having a bad day but does not want to make friend A uncomfortable. She gets upset when i talk to him and peaks over my shoulder. She has been putting me on blast to our other two roommates (b and C) acting as though i havent been there for her when I have dropped things constantly for her. 

I feel like a bad friend for getting upset and overwhelmed. But im starting to need some space from her because I cant be her only source of support when I have other friends and other things to do besides only be with her. I feel isolated and I want to see my boyfriend but she just wont let me. 

Can anyone give some advice on how to talk to her about this and set some boundries so i can still support her through her breakup (their relationship lasted a month for context) while also making time for my other priorities?","NTA. She won't ""let you"" see your other friends and boyfriend? Ah, no. 

You don't owe her any more time than you give anyone else, and for her to say she owns your time is ridiculous. 

Be a strong independent woman and tell this friend she acting like a child and to grow up. 

Let friends B & C know what's up too"
WIBTAH if I dont rehome my guinea pig to someone over the animals gender?,"Im trying to rehome my now solo male guinea pig, as his brother passed suddenly and I do not have the time or ability to socialize him and give him the level of attention he needs as a solo pig, especially now that im living in a studio apartment with my high prey drive dog. ( i used to live with my parents in a large home where my dog didn't interact with them at all because they lived in different floors of the house)

A woman on Next-door responded to my post that shed like to take him in as she has a guinea pig that is also a solo. This sounded great but I asked to make sure her pig is also male because my boy has only ever lived with his brother so I never had him neutered. Her pig is a female and unspayed so I figured that was the end of that, no one wants to deal with accidental litters and I absolutely do not approve of backyard breeding of any species. 

Well, now shes messaged me again saying she convinced her husband to let her take him in. But neither animal is sterilized and if she houses them together she will end up with a bunch of babies. 

WIBTA if I didnt rehome him to her because I dont want them to end up breeding him, accidentally or not? ","NTA, this is what a good person does in this type of situation"
So AITAH for refusing to drive for them??⁸,"So i am currently 23 years old. My family(including mom, dad, sister and me) never had a car. So from when i was 17 i always had to walk to my joint family function(which includes relatives, cousins etc). These cousins have cars, so they come in car and always have it easy. My family goes to function either by walking or bus. Now, these cousins and grandparents always talks in a way mocking us coming in bus. I absolutely hate them. No one ever gives me car ro drive and never cared about it. There is a girl cousin my age who drives. So they used to mock me by saying that that girl can drive while i cant.

The sad part is even at 23 yrs old, i have a bike but still doesnt have a car. Now, the cousins have gone abroad to study but their parents aka the relatives are now acting in a way asking me whether i will take the car infront of everyone knowing pretty well iam not experienced. Its like they will ask me and then one of them will say that they have never seen me drive so lets go in taxi.

So now i have rented a car and done some driving. So they saw me driving and decided to ask me to drop them back home after a function. They had seen me driving a car earlier. So, i told them that i dont know how to drive and refused to drive for them, took my bike and went home directly.

So AITAH here??","Dude, in my country it's perfectly normal to go by public transport.

Even people who have cares often take public transport as it's more convenient in many cases (you don't need to find a parking spot).

Your extended family seem very low class in their behavior.

>So, i told them that i dont know how to drive and refused to drive for them

Lol. Good job.

I would stop going to functions with low class people who are just mocking you.

NTA"
WIBTAH: if I took my Bestie on a trip instead of my mom,"For context: me(23f) and my mom(45) got into a fight because she had her bf(45) stay with us but the lease and everything was in my name and he overstayed his welcome and it was becoming a problem.

Our relationship has gotten a bit better now that we both live separate and have better boundaries with each other but it's not 100%

My mom this past Christmas was asking me if I wanted to do this scuba diving thing with her and I was like yeah sounds fun. She found these tickets on Groupon so then she sends me these tickets and is like Merry Christmas. 

I was like ""I thought you wanted to do this together?"" And she was like ""well yeah but you can take whoever you want.""  I mentioned I could bring my friend bc she loves the sea and sea creatures and my mom was like 'oh yeah you can do that too' kind of like not dismissive but like yeh whatever. 

So now I'm trying to figure out if I would be the AH bc I took my friend instead of my mom bc it was my mom's idea in the first place for us two to go together. ",Lowkey it’s a bit cold but u gotta be real with urself. going on a trip together when the vibes are already dead is just asking for a massive fight in a foreign country. save urself the drama and bring someone who actually makes u happy. u’re making the right call.
"Seperated, lied too, used. AITAH","This is a long one, I’ll do my best to keep it straight forward and sorted.

There is a preamble up to the the point of separation

Together 18 years, married 11, 3 kids, the youngest twins. Later realized I was anxious type, she was avoidant.

Starts after kid one, 2014, the talks on more children begin, I have many valid concerns, our house, our jobs, our location, our finances and most importantly the impact on the child we already have.(side note when child one was born she didn’t want her in a car seat in a truck so I bought and paid for a brand new car for her) her argument, she said in the past she wanted “kids” so I basically owe her, after one of these talks it’s cold shoulder zombie mode bs for the foreseeable future. It drives me insane. I do not get the vasectomy, I’m trying to see if we can advance to a point to make this viable for us. Our house is too small for more kids, she refuses to move or upgrade, 

While she is off with kid one I suggest the possibility of schooling or other jobs which gets shut down immediately. She works in a factory, and a low paid one. After 20 years she could walk into a similar job and get a raise tomorrow, she likes her job, ok.

She is willing to do precisely dick all to help with more kids, but demands I give in, I do not. 

When I have issues regarding sex or intimacy or connection I am shut down immediately, if I bring it up 3 times in 6 months I’m (throwing it in her face) even though nothing has even been discussed let alone resolved… she shuts down, never wants to “fight” but is happy to let my concerns fester constantly.

I try many different approaches, all with the same frustrating responses. Anger, shut down, or nothing.

So after a couple years she’s tells me she pregnant, we had only slept together a couple times over a weekend, and not for weeks before/after. She made me finish inside her.

Side note, when we started together she knew I liked to finish inside her mouth, and her swallow, she did it happily. One day she’s says she’s not doing it anymore because I “ like it too much” it stops for years and even after is occasionally at best.

So we go to ultrasound and tadaaa! Twins, spectacular. Fraternal twins so pregnant twice in days to a week. Pretty hard on birth control, spoiler alert, she stopped taking it properly, skipping days taking whenever… that goes to about 80%. Great. She decides to take the 18 months off in Canada meaning she might get under $200 a week. I take a second super high stress 24/7 on call job to make sure we get through the winters when it’s slow for my normal job.

The other issue is now I have to remortgage house and dump 50,000 to fit bedrooms and bathroom in basement to fit all the kids, another huge blow that only I pay for.

This will be insanely tough for me then doing everything at home with newborn twins… it’s a lot, I do everything I can. She will not budge on upgrading from our starter home, looking for courses online, seeking higher paying employment or even moving somewhere that would put us both way closer to work. I drive 1 hr 10 min each way at least.

Covid starts, I haven’t been much of a drinker for 10+ years, couple after work, no issue, my grandfather dies, no worries, then my mom gets sick and dies in 2 weeks from cancer, I was raised by a single parent and devastated by this, I have all my own traumas and had dealt with ok forever but this broke me, I would occasionally drink too much and all the resentment from the unsolved issues would come forward, even after I was sober, or sober for 3-4 months at a time per her request not one thing changed. It was a cycle at that point… I guess she gave up on me in early 2024 and on our wedding anniversary told me she doesn’t want to be with me anymore…

I lost it, I couldn’t believe it… I gave everything to this woman, I put all my needs aside for hers, I was always there to let her have days or weekends to practice self care she refused, we went to couples therapy just before and I tried everything she told us to help communicate, she was just pissy she didn’t get her way, refused to try anything, it was a joke.

Now I see my kids 1-2 a week, she lives with her parents with the kids. She moved out the day she physically assaulted me multiple times…

I have apologized for anything and everything, asked for a chance to fix things etc.. nothing, so I eventually snapped and said every mean thing I could over text, it’s immature but it was my only outlet.

That day she hits me her family calls cops, they go to her parents house… never talk to me.

Christmas Eve I was supposed to have my kids until Christmas morning, she bails and I wake up to no one, it’s too much. I had stayed around for the kids until then but almost ended it Christmas morning. 4 hours later she shows with the kids at 11am to do presents..

Her mom calls the cops on me “out of concern”

Not at 730am when it happens but at 12pm in front of my kids…

So I deal with them for 2 hours then get a call

from CAs…

I never say a word about what was done to me, either time, not so much as a thank you or acknowledgement I saved her ass.

I did what I could, funny 2 years ago when she was 220lbs still from the twins I never once complained, even though it affected our lives, mostly her self image. But a couple years of ozympic my union pays for and she’s down to ribs and nubs and now she leaves? lol not suspicious at all.

It’s just too much, I’m trying to move on but it’s really hard after half your life, never hearing your kids come out yelling daddy daddy. I will get there, I’m in therapy, I’m working on myself. But was I the Ah?","NTA your wife seemed like a really manipulative, two faced, narcissistic sea hag 

Wish you the best … give yourself time and prioritise yourself"
AITAH for not wanting to leave a study room,"My college has study rooms you can reserve, but today I found a room that wasn’t slated to be used until 11:00 am so I decided to sit in there. I was planning on staying in there until whoever was supposed to come in kicks me out. Here’s the thing though, when reserving a room, the rules state you have to be there within a grace period of 15 minutes after the revelation time you made. If you come after that, you are no longer owed or guaranteed that room. Basically, if someone else is in there, they can tell you no because you’ve forfeited your reservation by being late. Now come around 11:20 as I’m sitting in this study room and I’m at the point where I’m no longer preparing to leave the room because whoever signed up for the 11 am slot is 5 minutes over the grace period so I technically don’t have to leave. But of course two minute later, two girls open the door and tell me they have a “reservation.” To be honest, I was really not in a good mood so this really pissed me off because you DONT have a reservation anymore if your passed the grace period. Like that’s not my problem. I say “okay” though in a flat/pissed tone and pack up my things and as I’m packing they’re just fucking watching me which is another one of my pet peeves because first you ask for the room after passing the 15 minute grace period which is literally mentioned in your reservation and now your gonna watch me as I pack up like I did something wrong. Fuck, it pisses me off so bad. Whatever, I pack up and as I get to the door, I double check their reservation since it’s posted on the front door and just as I thought it says 11:00 am. At that point I really want to tell them that for future reference, I or someone else does not have to give them the room if they’re 15 minutes late, but I was too lazy to confront them so I just smiled passive aggressively and sped walk past them cause I was pissed. I’m asking if maybe I was the asshole in the situation since I guess 22 minutes is “only” 7 minutes after the grace period and that maybe it wouldn’t have hurt for me to just be nice about it. They did say sorry as I left, but I don’t think it was about being late, that’s just what everyone says whenever they “kick out” a person in a study room. 

TLDR: I was in a study room at my uni, and there was a reservation for the room at 11am. They come in 22 minutes late, which is 7 minutes over the grace period they’re allowed to be late before they lose their reservation. I got pissed and have them a hard time. Aitah?","I’m getting the vibe that this meant a lot more to you than the study room, I’m guessing because there’s other stuff going on, like you said you’re not in the best mood. Sometimes I catch myself reacting negatively to a minor inconvenience more harshly because I’m not in a good mood. I would say they are in the wrong and being annoying, but also that this isn’t serious enough to cause an issue. With my luck they would be someone important I meet next semester and I’ve already made a bad first impression."
AITAH for telling my dad I will clean my room after im done with homework?,"Im (17F) and my dad is (64M), I just got home from a practice. I walk in the door and talk to my mom (53F) for a little. Things are fine, I start my chores while they sit down and talk. There talking gets little heated because my mom was upset about something at work. After they stop talking, I am done with my chores and sit down to do homework, My dad looks at me and says ""You didn't take out the trash last night"" I said back ""I just did, sorry about that"" He sneered and told me it needed to be taken out everyday.) I have 4 trashcans in my house, two small, two big, my dogs poop in the house sometimes because my dad can't be bothered to let them out.I pick up the poop and throw it away into one of the big trashcans. SO the trash gets to smelling bad after that day So i take it out. BUT my dad says im wasting trashbags by waiting till the trash is full. HE wants me to put all the trash into ONE bag and leave the others so we can use them. Our bags arn't scented. THEY still stink like poop after I take the poop out then he yells at me for it.) After this I went to do my homework because he is mad i have a C in Chem. The rule in my house is that all chores come before homework. WELL my room is a little messy. He storms into it as I am doing Chem and tells me why I didn't clean it. I tell him I will after because I really need do to this Chem and he yells at me. Telling me that Im not following the rules, I can just stay up later, when I stay up later he yells at me that im not getting enough sleep and shames me for being tired the next day saying I must be staying up doing something or sneaking out. I tired telling him this cycle of what he is doing is putting a lot of stress on me but he told me ""Your young, your meant to be able to stay up late and wake up early, or not sleep at all"". I don't say anything else because I know it will just make things worse, He also said he found poop behind the couch so I couldn't of swept, It was fresh, it felt it, It was hot and smushy. my mom steps in and asks ""Whats all the yelling for?"" my dad bursts into a rant about how I am not doing anything right and he has to remind me to EVERYTHING for the past 4 years, (Im adpoted and have only been in this house for four years) They get into arugment again and my mom says ""You yelling at her every 10 seconds is a trigger, i might as well move back in with my mother and step-dad"" My dad yells back ""go ahead"" my moms mother is dead, has been for years. He knows this. They keep going for a while and then my mom storms upstairs. My dad thinks he is in the right because my mom is overreacting, I think he is in the wrong but don't wanna speak up. My dad blames me for the fight and has grounded be for another week.  ",NTAH. I think this sounds less about chores and more about constantly moving expectations and being blamed for things you can’t realistically control.
AITAH for telling my sister I don't want to hear about her pregnancy?,"My sister (31F) has been trying to get pregnant this whole past year. Throughout that whole time, she has also confided in me that she is unsure about her fiance and that she feels she has faced borderline mental abuse the past 3 years being with him.

This is recurring. She has sent me loadssss of negative pregnancy test pictures and then has also had mannnny phone conversations of her confiding with me about her fiance. So there has been a ton of back and forth where I try to support her wanting to be pregnant, but the more I hear about fiance, I don't support the relationship she keeps bringing up to me. 

Well, finally this morning she sent me another pregnancy test and said she thinks this is it but maybe God just hates her. I did not see a second line, however I told her that I couldn't support her this time seeing as how just yesterday she was telling me for hours how unwelcomed her finances family makes her feel and how he doesn't really value her or her opinions and she wants to leave.

So I told her something along the lines of I couldn't support her planning to leave the father while still actively trying to get pregnant at the same time and maybe since she is so undecided with him and his family that maybe this is more her sign and it's not God hating her. 

She apologized for telling me about the test and then withdrew herself from the conversation and isn't talking to me now. AITAH?


Tldr;
AITAH for not being supportive of my sisters decision to get pregnant with her fiance when she always confides in me that she wants to leave him because he is narcissistic and verbally abusive to her?","NTA.. You’re not judging her, you’re protecting yourself and being honest. Supporting her pregnancy while she’s in a toxic, unstable relationship would feel disingenuous. It’s okay to set boundaries and step back when it’s too much to handle"
WIBTAH for wanting to confront my friends of over 10 years or am I overthinking?,"There are many things I want to say so I'm sorry in advance. I am a 25F and I only have like four close (only) friends. My family has certain opinions on them so I know to some extent I'm not overthinking things but I want an outside perspective.

Background context: Three of the friends are sisters. Sister A is my age, Sister B is two years younger, and then Sister C is four years younger than me. The last girl I am friends with I'll call Friend D (also the same age as me). Sister A and Friend D have been friends since elementary school (and by extension Sister B and Sister C too) and their families are close. I only joined the group in like 8th grade. 

I had noticed some issues I had with Sister A when I was a senior in high school, not big problems, but more things that were a little strange and bothered me that really aren't a big deal. Sister A had pushed this relationship dynamic between us where I could go to her with anything (I had a lot I was struggling with in high school). Although I didn't go into a lot of detail with her, something we started was if I was having a bad day I could text her ""Tell me something good"" and she was say anything like the sun is shining, to I had some good pizza today, or that she cares for me. It honestly really helped me. But then one day she told me she didn't have the mental capacity to do this anymore. Which I told her was totally fine and it was. I didn't want to burden her, that's why I never gave her details anyways. But I was hurt that she didn't feel like she could come to me (I was always telling her that I'm here for her too and wanted to talk but she never did). 

Then when we got to college (fall 2019), Sister A, Friend D, and I were going to be sharing an apartment. Sister A and Friend D roomed together and then I got paired with a random girl in the other room. I didn't care too much since they had been friends longer and I thought we all would still hangout. But nope. Sister A was having a tough time away from home and iced me out. She would only really talk to Friend D and hardly ever left her room, unless she was doing something with a random friend from class. There were random days when she would include me but it felt weird. I spent most of my time alone. And on my birthday, all I wanted to do was to spend the day with them, eat some food, and watch a movie. But instead I made breakfast for myself with no sign of Sister A or Friend D coming out of their room before we went to church (my birthday was on a Sunday), which was already a sad start. Then I find out later Sister A was going to make dinner for my birthday (which I was so grateful for) but she also invited like 5 other people from church/classes over to join which I wasn't prepared for since I hardly talked with them and only saw them once a week. So that sucked and my birthday felt more like show that year. 

Sister A went out of the country for almost 2 years in 2021 (she only did one semester of college then went home for context (Friend D and I got really close during this time)). Now a little background for this next part, in 2020 I watched a kpop survival show to make a new boy group. I had enjoyed the show (my friends got me into kpop) and the group's music when they debuted. So I told the four girls they should check it out. Only Sister B and Sister C liked them, so we would listen to their music and watch their mvs when I was home. The next time something weird happened was in 2022. I had graduated college and was working back at home. Then one night I get a group facetime call with Sister B and Friend D. Sister B and Sister C were on the standing floor of the boy group's concert. I hadn't even known they were on tour, much less did either sister mention that they were going. They didn't have to invite me and it wasn't like I thought they owed me since I introduced them to the group but I wish they mentioned something about going. I brushed it off, whatever right? 

Now it's fall 2023. Sister A is back home and Sister B is now out of the country for almost 2 years (this is church related btw). There is another concert and Sister C is begging me to go with her since Sister B is gone. I didn't have the money for an expensive seat since this was like a month before the concert, so I said my budget and I'm pretty sure Sister C covered the rest for the tickets she wanted but didn't tell me which I was grateful for but also felt weird about. Sister C and Friend D were going to be in college (I graduated) and would fly and meet us (Sister A and her mom and me were driving) in the city where the concert was. I was very excited. 

The whole trip was a mess. Not only did no one tell me my share of the hotel or food or anything but apparently Friend D didn't have the money for the flight ticket and Sister C had already bought their plane tickets before checking and they were nonrefundable so she felt like she had to go. The only thing I had said I wanted this entire trip was to get merch. That was it and I said it so many times that if they didn't hear me, they must be deaf. So as you can image I was getting stressed when 3 hours before doors opened they wanted to go to a mall and we didn't leave said mall until 2 hours before doors opened and that was because I was pushing them to leave. I'm dying inside and Friend D can tell. So we get back to the hotel and I get ready super fast. Sister A is helping C get ready since only the two of us of going to the concert and she's taking forever. I end up waiting about an hour for her to finish. By the time we get to the concert the doors had been open for 30 minutes already and we still have to wait in line. Sister C agrees to immediately find a merch line and wait with me until the concert starts. We wait in line until 5 minutes before the concert starts and we hear a girl say they have nothing at the merch table left (there were only 2 inside and one outside the venue). So there was no point waiting and I'm frustrated but excited for the group. I text in our group chat to ask if they can check if the merch table outside has anything since it would be open after and they were picking us up. Like 30 minutes before the concert is over Sister A texts that she got something and she was really excited to show us. Silly me, I thought it was something from the merch table since that's all I've talked about. Nope, she bought herself a Stetson cowboy hat. 

March 2024. I find out late that the boy group is adding more shows to their tour. As soon as I find out I text in the group chat that if there's still tickets we should go. The response I get is that Sister A, B, and C already all have tickets to go together. Yet again, no one mentioned it to me. I debated asking Friend D if she wanted to join me but the concert was on her birthday in May and she always spends the day with her family and doesn't really like the group. I decided fuck it, I'll go by myself. My dad drove with me and honestly I had a blast. I only saw the sisters when I sat down (they were one section over from me) and when we took a photo outside after. 

Like 6 months later I find out over lunch with Friend D that Sister A had texted her if she wanted to go to a concert on her birthday (said previous concert) and then a couple days later said nevermind it'll be a girls trip for the sisters. But like, Friend D doesn't even listen to the group and they never texted me about it. Now this, I know this is weird. So after this I went to two more concerts by other artists in 2024 by myself and I went to see the boy group again in 2025 and didn't say a word because obviously I was only invited the one time since Sister B wasn't there and never again.

Now for years I've talked about teaching English in Korea. I had to back out previously since my grandparents got sick. But fall of 2025 I was going. I find out a couple of months beforehand that Sister B is going as well, never before mentioned she was interested but that's fine. So we're both here. There was a holiday break in October and we made plans for me to travel to stay with her and hangout for a week. I had let her know all the dates and times like when I was arriving like 3 weeks before. Secretly I was hoping she would pick me up at the train station but didn't expect it since her place is like 90 minutes away. She gave me her address and I had told her when I arrived. Then I texted her when I got off the subway near her place. Only for her to call me and say she's an hour away in a different neighborhood with some friends (this being only 30 minutes from the train station). So over the phone she's telling me how to get into her place and keeps talking to the people she's with forgetting I don't have any of the information. So it was a struggle. I arrive and assume because she said she's an hour away that meant she was on her way back. I ended up waiting almost 2.5 hours for her to get back just sitting in her apartment by myself since I was exhausted from traveling and didn't know the area. Honestly this whole trip was a mess but that's another story.

Now, Christmas 2025. I was going to be in her city on the 20th getting my hair done and asked if I could stay at hers for 1-2 tonights since I had to be back to work on Monday. She said no because Sister A was coming to visit for Christmas and she didn't have room. Totally fair. But why did no one tell me Sister A was going to be in the same country? Idk I thought friends would mention that, silly me. And I say no problem that's so fun and that's it. I wasn't going to invite myself into their plans and she didn't say anything more. So I text Sister A a couple days later that I heard she's going to be in Korea and how exciting that is and that I'm going to be in the same city for that weekend because I was getting my hair done and wanted to do some Christmas light seeing and shopping at popups. We talked a little and then I texted her day of her flight to wish her a safe flight. Kinda the end so I really didn't assume any plans were happening. Whatever that's fine, *totally* didn't hurt. Like the Wednesday before, Sister A texts me that we should meet up for a meal maybe. I tell her totally!, because we haven't seen each other in months. I tell her dinner is best because I'll be moving around a ton during the day to hit everything on my list and my hair appointment is at 5. I ask her where they're going to be that evening and she tells me it's the same neighborhood as my Airbnb so my brain is like perfect! We'll just meet there for dinner. I do warn her that my appointment will probably be done around 7 and then I'll have to take the subway for like 30ish minutes back to the right neighborhood so it'll be a **late** dinner. I'm excited so I'm texting all day (mostly her since she is the one who asked to meet up but also in the bigger groupchat).

This is where I was hurt. My hair appointment finished a little early, like 6:30, so I immediately start heading back. At 6:45 Sister B calls me and asks how much longer my appointment is. I'm a little confused but I tell her I'm on my way back. Sister B then asks how far away I am because they're getting hungry and if it'll be a while they'll ""make other plans"". I'm sorry, what? I gave advance notice it'd be a late dinner/meet up and this is literally the only time we could hangout before Sister A leaves again. When I visited her before sometimes we didn't eat until 8 pm. And my appointment is done early! I almost said fine, I'll get my own dinner then, but I didn't because I'm a scaredy cat. I answer and she says okay and then she says ""so do you want your shirt?"" Now I'm not only hurt and upset, but I'm confused. I ask what? and she goes, oh I was talking to my friend. So now there's someone else joining us and no one mentioned it... awesome. Love that I'm not getting any information at all. We hang up and we finally meet up. I'm feeling weird but excited to see Sister A again. 

We decide (Sister B's friend suggests and Sister B agrees) that we get hotpot which is fine. I just don't think it's a great meal when you're starving like we all were because it can get pricy and takes time but I didn't want to complain since I felt so grateful that they didn't ""make other plans"". So we get food, it was kinda pricy and it's time to pay. I'm at the back of the line at the register and they start to say pay separate, which I prefer. As I'm pulling my card out, Sister B's coworker/friend says all together, we can figure out paying back later and gives her card. I'm like..... huh?? Immediately I'm like okay so how do you want me to pay you back? She says she doesn't care, that Sister B could just pay her and I could send money to Sister B. So I ask Sister B how and she kinda brushes me off and I'm like do you want me to venmo you since that's what we did before. She goes no.... then it's in USD and I don't want to have to deal with the conversions and stuff. That's fair, so I'm like how do you want it then. She just goes we'll figure it out later. So I turn to the coworker/friend and I say I have the money in cash and I'll just give it to you now. She goes no... you can just pay Sister B back later. Is it wrong to be confused??? We walked around a bit and they were suggesting to go to a karaoke place but I told them I had to dip since it was near 10:30 and I had been up since 5 traveling. So we say goodbye and that's it for the night.

Only then for two days later while I'm at work, Sister B texts me a bank account number and total and says this is her coworker/friend's bank account so I can send the money. Nothing else. Not a, I was glad to see you or nada. And I'm frustrated. Like I feel like the last priority. Not saying I need to be number one or anything, but I felt like an afterthought. When I visited Sister B in October she also kept inviting her friends that idk to a bunch of stuff without asking me. And it's not like I would say no, but there was no consideration. And then it was the only time I would see Sister A in a year and there was a stranger there? I'm obviously not going to talk about things I would if it was just the three of us. I just feel so confused.

There's a ton of other small things I could talk about and other context but this post is already too long and too much information. But like I said I want an outside perspective since whenever I give my family updates, my sister and grandma get super mad for me and tell me I need to talk to them. But like 3/5 of our friend group are sisters and they have been friends with Friend D way longer than I have so I'm worried what will happen if I do and the conversation goes bad. I know I'm not the best friend, but I've been working on where I think I'm lacking to be better. But stuff like this has been happening for years. What should I do? WIBTAH if I confronted them or am I overreacting? ","You are absolutely not overreacting. The whole situation sounds frustrating as hell. I totally get why you’re torn about confronting them, but you’ve been putting up with this for so long, and it’s clearly bugging you. If they’re really your friends, they’ll listen and hopefully understand where you’re coming from."
AITAH for not wanting a relationship with my older brother,"I,(15F), have  recently decided to not have a relationship with my older brother,(27M).

Some background information, me and my brother grew up with my narcissistic and abusive dad(we have different dads). My parents divorced when I was 6, and when my brother was 19.

Throughout my life, my brother and I have always been close, which makes this hard. He has always been rough, which I always thought that was how brothers are. As I grew older though, he became more rough and aggressive but would brush it off as just “rough housing”. When I was 10, he would often yell at me, then become super sweet, confusing me. As I continued to get older, this would happen almost everyday, and always when my mom wasn’t there or busy. 

Around my 12th birthday, he moved out, got a girlfriend, and stopped visiting for a while, until about a year later, when he moved back into our mom’s house, due to financial issues. It was pretty awkward seeing him everyday, but I would mostly be at school, so there wasn’t really any problems. Around my 13th birthday, he began to “wrestle” me, where he would throw me on the ground, trust my arm, or something along those lines. This would cause me to get marks on my arms and bruises in my legs and hands. I would try to hide in my room, but he broke my door handle, and would bang his body against the door until it would open. This was when I started to become anxious, and sort of scared. Around this time, he also started to have a weed and alcohol problem. He would often come home drunk, and either cry to me about his girlfriend, or get mad and yell at me for something, over all being either sad or very aggressive.

We recently moved, and my brother stopped with the physically abusive stuff, switching over to fat shaming me(even though I’m not fat), and calling me names like fatty and ugly. This started to really hurt my confidence, and even make my mental health weaken. 

Two days ago, my mom and his now fiancé got into an argument about the guest list for their wedding. My mom is paying for the wedding, and had out the deposit for 200 people. My brother’s fiancé wanted to add more people, causing them to argue about money. Later my brother argued with our mom over the guest list on his fiancee behalf. He asked me if I lived his fiancé and if she was right. I told him I lived his fiancé but she was not right. Later on, he came to my room, drunk. He was very aggressive, and started to yell at me, saying how I don’t support him, and how I was giving our mom ammunition to hurt him. He become more angry and aggressive, scaring me into a panic attack. I told him to leave since I was scared, making him yell more. I called my mom, and she came down and he left. Later that night, I was in my moms room crying and shaking as she comforted me, and when she went out of the room to turn the heater off, he was in the hallway, listening to our conversation. He then yelled at my mom, and they got into a screaming match, ending with him cussing her out, punching the walls, and leaving, all while being drunk. 

Now, he is moving out, and me and my mom are at my grandmas house until he leaves.

So, am I the A hole?
P.S. please comment and tell me any advice you have with how to go forward (yes, this is true)","NTA. You’re a minor and your brother has been emotionally and physically abusive toward you for years. Wanting distance from someone who hurts you is not cruel, it’s self-preservation. None of this is your fault, and you did not “cause” his behavior by telling the truth. Please prioritize your safety and mental health, and lean on your mom and grandma for support. If you can, talk to a school counselor or another trusted adult. You deserve to feel safe in your own home."
AITAH For Assuming Spanish was Someone’s Preferred Language,"I feel incredibly insensitive and mortified right now. I am a high schooler helping out at a preschool and I’ve been studying Spanish for a few years now. I’m no master, but I speak with a lot of the kids who do not understand English fairly well. I was with a rather unruly kid today who was curious about two guys working on fixing the fence by the playground. I told the kid we could look but to allow them to do their job. I ended up getting pretty close to the guys and they were speaking in Spanish to each other, so when I shared an awkward look with one of them because I’m just standing there, kid in hand, I just quietly went “Lo siento.” He then popped out with perfect english and started chatting with me about my Spanish skills. I said I had been studying a while now and understood enough to speak with the little ones and get by okay.

  
Maybe I’m being too sensitive, I don’t know. I just switch around to whatever language I hear kids talking in because my school district has a fairly large Spanish-speaking population, and I don’t want the kids to feel like they can’t communicate their needs. AITAH for making an assumption in this case? I did hear them speaking Spanish before, but obviously that shouldn’t be an indicator that they don’t speak English, so I just feel like a jerk for not even asking.","NTA

You're making too much out of nothing. If anything he sounded glad to see a teen speak his language."
WIBTAH for cutting of my family after realizing they don't like me?,"Hi, I'm currently 26F and these past 3 months I realized my family don't like me but are too chicken shit to admit it. I always knew deep down my mother never liked me even when I was a kid, she would call me names, disowned me once simply because I was failing in school etc. 

She has a ton of health issues now so I've been taking care of her these past 8 years basically since I was 19. I feel like I missed out on life because of her but due to my own faults too. 
I want to move out very soon, I don't feel like I have the money to stay afloat but I can't take another year.

Anyway, it seems her condition is getting worse and a relative of mine keep saying that's your mother and if she died right now I would be crying and wouldn't be able to sleep for days. I told them well what about me? Im supposed to keep sacrificing my life for her? I'm 26 going on 27 and haven't did anything with my life, no friends no life experiences absolutely nothing just in a house all day with someone that if they were 100% healthy would kick me out and never talk to me again. It was just in one ear and out the other, 

I also have a sibling that does not like me either, don't like being told what to do and thing I'm scum, even though I do everything around the house. This past month I came to the realization I'm the black sheep in my family and I guess I'm supposed to sacrifice my happiness to make others happy. I always felt that way but this past month it really hit me. 

I've been wanting to cut off my mother since I was a kid, I have a lot of built up resentment towards her I guess. But now with all she's going through I would be wrong for just leaving and never talking to her or any of my family again?

I have to cut off everyone because since I'm the black sheep and everyone thinks I'm slow af for some reason. As soon as a move out everyone is going to guilt trip me to stay. 

WIBTAH for cutting them off with no guilt or shame? I also think since I have years of resentment towards my mother that God might punish me with her same health issues or I'll die when I move out and never got to live the life I  wanted to life as karma for leaving her. I ask God all the years I sacrificed was enough right? I shouldn't be punished for wanting to have a life of my own and not wake up or go to bed angry every day.

I also think my family knows I have a heart so it easy for them to guilt me into doing things or one of my relatives like to tell me god going to get ne

TLDR: My family hates me and won't admit because they want to use me, I have a lot of resentment towards my family and want to live a life without them but I'm scared I maybe punished by God or Karma because I'm leaving my unhealthy mother and not looking back","NTA. You’re not obligated to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm, even if they’re family. Caregiving for eight years starting at 19 is huge, and it sounds like it came with emotional abuse and guilt-tripping on top of it. Wanting a life of your own doesn’t make you selfish or cruel. You can have compassion for your mother’s illness while still recognizing that staying is destroying you. Boundaries aren’t abandonment. Also, the fear of God or karma punishing you is something people use to control others — it’s not how life actually works. You’re allowed to leave and still be a good person."
AITAH for being pushy with my (16f) boyfriend (17f) to hang out?,"sorry for any formatting and the typo on 17m, i’ve never posted before. 

okay so a little background, my families power went out yesterday because we’re pretty tight on money right now and aren’t able to pay all of our bills. i’ve been looking for any sort of excuse to get out of the house, it’s cold, it’s dark, and it’s too quiet. we haven’t actually hung out in over two weeks, which doesn’t seem like a long time but it’s really rare for us to see each other (he dropped out, and i’m still in school).  he asked me when i was free next because we miss each other, i said that i was free on wednesday (today) and over the weekend (sundays are typically family days as we are religious but i wouldn’t mind spending that time with him). he chose to hang out on Wednesday. tuesday rolls around and im really excited to see him, but we don’t make solid plans as he’s kinda a spontaneous person, it’s nearly impossible to make plans with him. next day, my school gets a bomb threat, i’m a very anxious person so this sends me into a funky mood. later in the day we’re given the “all clear”, but then we received a SHOOTING THREAT? our school has been shot up before, so we have to take these extra seriously. we still aren’t allowed to go home but i don’t care cuz i only had half a class left. i went home early, and texted him. i started hinting at what he’s up to, and that he should totally go to the mall near my house, he only lives about a mile and a half from that mall as well. i didn’t want him to come here, because i don’t want him seeing that we’re too poor to afford power, it’s degrading. i don’t want his light on me to shift into “oh my god im dating a broke girl!”. i started asking him more and more, his excuse was “oh the dog is sleeping on me i can’t!!” or “well now the cat is on me too and we’re cuddling:(“ 
i was continuously pushy, maybe i should’ve just taken the hint. then about an hour or so passes and he sends me a pic of the cat, so i responded with “SEE THE CATS NOT ON YOU SO YOU DONT HAVE AN EXCUSE!”, he just said “meanie! why don’t you come over here!”. i cannot go over there because A. i can’t afford a car nor drivers ed. B. last time i was over there his mother decided that i was a thief, who wants to steal her rent money, and snoop through her jewelry. you wanna know why she said that? because i got her a christmas gift. i bought her a NARS blush, and a perfume. i mentioned to him that “i hope she likes what i got her, i didn’t know what scents she likes and her room was no help lol!” (he was giving me a house tour so i was in her room briefly.)   So i really don’t want to go over there, and he can’t come here. i asked for a real reason on why he doesn’t want to see me, and i wont be mad. 
he just said “Cuz im eating food and my mom gets off of work in an hour, she wants me to wait to take the dog on a walk with her”. He then asked if i work tomorrow. I don’t, but thats cuz i got laid off due to overstaffing after the holiday season. So i can’t help with bills due to my lack of income! But he doesn’t even know i got laid off, nor my financial status. i said that i dont work tomorrow, and he asked “Why don’t we just hang out tomorrow then?”. First of all, ive never worked thursdays? I have a club on that day that i help manage. My club management is super important because i dream to get into a good college, and you need that on your applications! i showed him to our original conversation texts, where i said i can’t do thursdays. he then was “Ah i forgot!”. Like?? You picked the day?? now he’s not responding and i just want a reason to get out of my house, i don’t want to look like some loser with no friends, but im also kind of upset with him. it feels wrong of me to be but i am. why pick a day that doesn’t work for you? i even got home early for him, i did my hair, im in a cute outfit, my makeup is perfect, i just don’t get it. i offered to buy him food so he wouldn’t have to pay (ive some money in my savings). im just so overwhelmed and need to go SOMEWHERE. ",NTAH. This really reads like 2 overwhelmed teens missing each other and talking past one another and it’s understandable you felt hurt when you built your whole day around plans that never quite solidified.
AITAH for not offering guests drinks?,"I (33F) am American and my husband (35M) is Korean. We have been married one year. A few months ago, my in-laws visited from Korea and stayed with us in our new house in the US. They recently (months later) told my husband that they were surprised by my lack of hospitality during their visit. They mentioned that the least I could've done was wake up before them and offer them coffee or other beverages. They felt that even among Americans, offering beverages is the bare minimum. 

This topic of me not offering beverages to visitors to our house has come up a few times since then. My husband wonders why I don't offer drinks or snacks to people who come to our house. He always offers a drink or snack, not just to friends or family but also to people we've hired for repair work, etc. Even if the person is a stranger and in our house for less than 30 minutes, he offers. To him, it's basic politeness.

I don't know if I just lack manners, or if it's because I'm very introverted and don't much enjoy having any guests at all, but offering refreshments has never occurred to me, unless I specifically invited them over for a meal/drinks. If I visit someone's house, I don't expect to be offered a beverage, and I don't think the person whose house I'm visiting is being rude by not offering. So now I'm wondering, is this just a cultural difference, or AITAH for not offering refreshments to guests?","I wouldn't say YTA exactly but at this point you're obviously just choosing not to offer drinks to guests, since it's been pointed out to you multiple times"
AITAH for what I said abt my coworker's botox use?," I  wanted to hear if you guys think what I said was harsh. 

Me (26f) and a 5 of my coworkers (all f between 30-50) had a conversation abt skincare at lunch (i was complaining that I can't use most of it bc my skin is really sensitive, and they were trying to give me advice). Eventually they start talking abt anti-aging and cosmetic procedures. 

One of my coworkers (Anna, 38f) says she thinks most procedures are too obvious and actually age the face- bc people can tell when someone is using them and automatically assume that person is older. She brings up fillers and Botox. 

Another coworker (Celia, 44f) says that's not true- says she's been using Botox for years & noone can tell/ she hasn't had the weird frozen face like celebs bc she's ""careful"" with the dosage. 

Anna and Celia start arguing- Anna claims she 'knew' Celia's face looks weird (I think just to save face bc she previously claimed she could always spot a botox user)

It turns into a whole big discusion that I was trying to stay out of, but then Celia asked me directly what I think- Does she look like she uses Botox?

And I said I had no idea- I said I never would have guessed she gets regular botox, her face doesn't look frozen and weird at all, she just looks like a normal mid 40s woman. (Another one of our coworkers agreed with me)

Which I guess is where I insulted her. Because she's been spending $$$ (she didn't say an amount, but I guess it's significant) on botox every 4-6 months for the last decade and a half and I told her she looks perfectly her age (i think whatever 'careful' dose she uses is just too low to have a real effect- positive or negative). She lost it on us, calling us jealous cows and accusing us of lying (and insulting our appearances & making fun of me specifically by saying I wouldn't be able to afford botox)? 

That whole thing happened just before our holiday break (the entire office closes down for 1 1/2 weeks during christmas/new years) and hasn't come up since, but the atmosphere has kinda changed- Celia is a lot more distant from the team and I think I should apologize, but 
a) I was giving my honest opinion 
b) during her melt down some of the things Celia said hurt my feelings quite a bit so even if my statement hurt her, I'm not sure I want to say sorry.",ESH for this inappropriate conversation at work.
AITAH  not letting my girlfriend drop out of college?,"I (22F) and my girlfriend (25F) are both in our final year of uni, 5 months away from finishing up our degrees. 



5 years into the program, my gf decided she doesn’t like the topic she’s studying at all and feels very depressed and directionless in it. I understand this because I also had a career/major change later in my academic career. 



For the past 2+ years my girlfriend and I have been living together while in college. For the past year and half we raised a kitten together, who practically was our son. 



Our cat passed away this past week, leaving us both very distressed and depressed. We are holding ourselves together by the threads. 



Because of this and because of her hating her degree before our cat’s passing, the incident took a big toll on my gf’s mental health. For the past 2 weeks she has been living alone in our apartment as  her flight came in before mine—which made it worse.



She decided in this time that she wants to drop out of school and travel abroad instead of finishing her degree. I think this is a bad idea for 2 reasons:



1. It would look very bad on paper. She is 25 and still finishing up her undergraduate degree (for very valid personal reasons) but this is quite atypical and I don’t think taking yet another year off school would look good for her. This would be her 3rd time dropping out and moving back home mid-year because of her mental health. 



1. I would be a complete wreck if she left. We made the decision to live 20 minute drive away from campus together to accommodate our cat and lifestyle. This means that her leaving would leave me in the middle of grieving our pet, completely alone and far from any of our friends/life.



I know that being upset over her leaving me is very selfish but I feel like she owes it me and to herself to grind through the last 5 months of school. Her leaving would put me in an even worse state mentally. 



Unlike her, I don’t have the financial security of being able to afford rent in different places and move away before the lease ends. Nor can I just choose to stop and take a year off bc I am on scholarship. This also makes me upset because I turned down opportunities to study abroad this year to accommodate our agreement to live together. 



She also doesn’t have a plan. She would just drop out and travel abroad or find service job somewhere until she felt better again. And start again next year, at 26 still in college, the place she hates doing the thing she hates yet again. 



I told her that she should just close the cycle and finish her degree. She can travel and find a job and do whatever she wants in 5 months when she graduates. 



I also told her that we had an agreement together, when she decided to get an apartment with me far away from campus and everyone we know. 



This isn’t about paying for rent because I know she would pay her part until the lease ends.



But I really can’t fathom living completely alone in our 2 bedroom apartment in the middle of nowhere. I don’t have any family in the country because my family lives abroad. And after our cat’s passing is really fresh. 



I would be in pieces if she left, seeing her and him everywhere. No one would be able to come see me because I live too far away and most ppl on campus don’t have a car. I feel like the rug is being pulled from under me. 



I don’t want to be left, yet again, to pick up the pieces. This would mean that for the 3rd time, I would have to take on the burden of emptying our apartment and moving us out. In the middle of graduation too! She promised she wouldn’t put me in this position again. And this time around, she has bought so much furniture that I did not think was a good idea, so now on top of moving out and finishing up my degree, I need to find people to sell all the stuff to. 



I feel like an asshole because I don’t want to be the reason she struggles mentally. But I don’t think dropping out is the right solution and I think she should start seeing a therapist and talk to academic/career counselors before making such a big decision 



Personally if I were to quit my job and drop out of school and have nothing to do with myself while struggling mentally I would just get more depressed! So I don’t understand it, but I am really really trying to. 



After seeing how upset I got over her wanting to leave, she decided to stay. I told her we should talk about it more and see if there’s any options like her taking some part of the year off but not all. 



She mentioned having suicidal thoughts which is very scary to me. I want her to be where I can see her. I want to make sure she gets the help she needs. And I really don’t think I can handle the worry of losing her too when she’s halfway across the world.  (I have struggled with attempting suicide in the past so I feel like I can relatively understand where she’s at, which makes it even worse. I want to help. She really needs help)



I really want to support her dreams of rebooting her life but I think her staying is the best decision because she would be with her teammates and friends. She has a support system here. 



I would be able to take care of her better when she’s nearby and make sure she gets out of bed, goes outside, etc. 



We would be of much better support to each other together if she stayed, than if she left and moved away where she doesn’t have a stable home and  all her family members are busy with their own lives.  





She would be depressed and alone. And I would also be depressed and alone. 



She is so close the finish line. In 5 months, she can get a real job that pays well (having finished her college degree). And she can move on to live wherever she wants and do whatever she wants. She complains about still being financially dependent on her parents and wanting more independence. So for all reasons considered, I really think this is the right way. 



What do you guys think? Am I the asshole?



I love her so much and I never want to be the reason she is miserable and upset. But her leaving would actually wreck me. And I am not even sure it would help. 



Please feel free to convince me otherwise. 



","You dont get to “let” her do anything. She is an adult and can make her own decisions. Dropping out of college may be a bad idea, so be supportive of her and try and get her the help she needs."
AITAH for making plans to move in with my boyfriend and not my friend?,"Hi everyone, I'm still ruminating on a situation and I just wanted to share it. I don't think I'm a saint in this situation but I think I'm still being treated poorly. It's kinda long and I apologize.

Let me give a little history that provides context for how I navigated this:

I (28F) have a friend (27F) (Let's call her Marie) and another friend (29M) (Let's call him Sam) and about 6 years ago I was moving to a big city for grad school. I asked Sam and Marie if they'd want to move with me as neither were happy in their current living situations and I thought it would be great being roommates all together. Marie said yes but then when it came to any part of the planning or househunting she was completely wishy washy other than insisting upon getting the largest room or needing the room that would have an ensuite. She didn't really do anything and would delay answering questions until roughly 2 months before the move, she just said ""I'm not going to move by the way.""

Now, since then she's been stuck living with her family and struggling to find work and moved out of state to a rural area in a place she can't stand. Even when she has found work she is upset about everything and her life is just really bad. She's never happy and has been trying for years at this point to plan a move.

She is seemingly really trying this year to actually leave by trying to take steps but she has historically been someone who has dreams and then through her own nature doesn't follow up on them, or avoids them, or neglects things. Not because she's unintelligent or incapable she just doesn't put in conviction in what she does. I believe her when she's said anywhere she's putting in applications doesn't respond given the nature of the world atm. However there have been instances where her parents have told her to take any job and she would refuse because she doesn't like smelling like fast food, or the pay isn't worth it, or her sister works there and it pays more but she hates her sister. So like, she's trying but also not truly in a situation to take any opportunity and grow. I'm also not saying her having opinions on work and what standard she wants to live is wrong, but it's something I've observed.

  
Anyway, so since like last September/October she had asked me if we could be roommates again. I love her, I do, and so I readily said yes without hesitation because it would be nice to live with another person. However, I've always said yes to these 'hypotheticals' because again, for 6 years I've asked if she wants to live here and it's always 'expensive to move' and 'hard to find a job' and 'not worth it' to her. So when she's said this I assumed it was a pipe dream like before, but that I am always supportive of it. 

She would send me tiktoks about city living or ask if she could apply to jobs in the city using my current home address as the one for the resume and I said yes every time. That is the EXTENT of any planning- her asking me if I would want to be roommates and her loosely applying to jobs that haven't even responded. At the same time, she has a friend in a neighboring state she ALSO said she would probably go live with to save up to move where I live as it's infinitely pricier where I am compared to the other friend. I genuinely feel like this was loose dreams and just being on her side while she dreams about escaping but, as I've seen in her history- never follows up on things, backs out because it's hard, and grows pessimistic again. 

While this is happening in November, I started dating a guy (26M) that I've known for a little over a year. At the end of December we were eagerly talking about getting to live together full time and be together. My lease is up in August and I asked if he thought that would be a good time to live together, as we've actively been talking about and making game plans towards what our future would look and be like. Since then we've been communicating, coming up with timelines, and making actual plans about what this would look like. Tangible, actual work. 

One part of this tangible plan was me needing to get a car. As I've lived in the city for years now, I don't have one and I also don't know where to get one. So I text the groupchat with Sam and Marie (since they've both had cars and been familiar with it more since they were teenagers) and asked for any advice they could spare as I prepare to move to be with BF. 

Marie instantly spam calls me- I missed 3 calls and text messages from her after I sent it. I wasn't ignoring her, I genuinely was just doing other stuff and didn't see. As soon as I saw I asked her what was wrong and she started crashing out. She was hostile immediately as her first message was:

**""just wanted to call to talk and ask how in one month’s time it went from yes i want to be roommates i’ll see you in march to you asking how to buy a car to move in with your boyfriend in august. bit of a bomb to drop there without telling me anything at all""**

I was LOST. She had mentioned visiting in March but I had actually, and my fault, forgotten this. I thought she had meant moving in and becoming roomies then and I was horrified at the concept. 

In essence the conversation went, and I'll admit I was kinda angry at her in my responses, that she was angry at me because she started spiraling because I changed plans and 'dropped it suddenly' on her, expected we would've made plans in March for an eventual move, and when I told her I didn't think it was really serious and we hadn't talked at all about it with any tangible plans or expectations that I was insulting her and that it wasn't super loose or hypothetical. 

She was hounding me on it and saying ""I'm trying to be happy for you but I wish you said something sooner"".

I agree in the sense I feel bad and know I've done some wound to her and I don't feel good ! But I was planning something serious after her loose messages and it's been a recent development I've been working on. When I brought up she did the exact same thing to me years ago, she said it was unfair to do so. It's just... like I don't think it is because you're going to berate me for days on this about how I blindsided you when you actually did worse in the same situation to me? 

  
I gave up on defending myself and genuinely apologized because the conversation was turning really argumentative and she was doubling down on how it was unfair to her to do this and I genuinely don't want to hurt her or lose her friendship and I feel remorse for creating a wrinkle in her plans but I genuinely am excited for an actual plan and to advance my life.

Truly this is a side gripe and not related really to the story but she has only become so much more pessimistic since I've known her, she is combative with ANY opinion stated that she doesn't like ( say ""I like xyz"" and she'll go ew no. nope. no.) or she'll just completely shut you down if you share anything you like that she doesn't on any subject- food, movies, music, games, you name it. I genuinely only hear from her when she's upset, and nothing seems to go right ever for her. She buys a little blind box toy? Oh it's cute! Nope- she HATES that one and it's ugly. Her sister is ALWAYS banging and slamming things in the house so she can't sleep. She HATES where she works because it's hard and smelly and she HATES everything. Like even when you're excited for her she's miserable. 

And this isn't to say like! I have absolutely come to vent to our group chat after silence too but I just feel so worn down from YEARS of knowing her and this pessimism. 

I'm sorry this was a lot. TLDR: Flaky friend blew off moving plans years ago, tried to make loose plans to become roomies, I believe years of blown off plans and delays and supported it but made my own plans, now she's furious at me and not talking to me anymore for betraying her. AITAH? ","
I get that you want to help her, but it seems like you're also putting a lot on your shoulders by trying to make it work with someone who’s not really showing up in the way you’re hoping for. If she truly wanted to move forward, she’d be more proactive, and it’s okay to focus on your own plans and move forward with them. Sometimes it’s better to set those boundaries and not let her hold you back any longer."
AITAH for blocking my friend for going back to her ex again,"I want to start if by saying I have been in a toxic and abusive relationship before and I understand the gravity of how hard it is to leave and in no way am I trying to victim shame my friend in this post.

Last night I called my friends ( I'll call them Ava and Sarah) to talk about some personal issue I have going on in my life and after I talked it over with my friends I felt great but I digress, further into the call Ava breaks the news she's decided to give her ex another chance after being  broken up for a week after realizing that the relationship was going no where and it was not how she wanted to be treated because of the constant dismissal of when she brought up issues to her partner and there was no change etc, during this break up her ex wanted to get a restraining order and  against her because of tik tok reposts that were just generally about being sad about the break up and that she was obsessed which I did say was a bit odd to say so when my friend broke the news a couple days later that she was giving another chance on a one month trial I will admit I did lose my temper a little bit saying how it's ridiculous over a three month relationship that and that is where I might be the asshole, I proceeded to say I do not want any call at 2am every day like last time where I have to pick up the pieces and encourage you that this is not good for you because I realized that she was taking my advice to tolerate the relationship not leave her partner. Sarah and I both did say to her that we both know it's her decision but because she's decided to give her partner a month as a chance she knows what she is doing and it hurts us to have to witness it.   Later on Ava left the call and it was just Sarah and I discussed it and I said I can't deal with this behavior anymore because it is draining me mentally . I decided on blocking Ava to protect my own peace. I struggled sleeping last night due to worry that maybe I was a huge ass hole in this situation as I do understand how hard it is to leave a bad relationship but I can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved and especially someone who can make a laugh and a joke about what she's doing. I spoke to my sister about it and she said blocking her was the wrong move to make. So I'm just wondering if I was actually the asshole here","Not the ah
In my opinion I have also experienced this in the past and it feels as if you are a part of the relationship with constant calls and you cannot leave your friend as well,  but since you already gave her advice and she didn't take it you could be angry at her 
But blocking her was maybe a bit harsh as it could get more messy but do anything to protect your peace girl !"
WIBTAH for going no contact with my father and anyone in my family who doesn’t agree with it?,"Extremely new here. I’m hoping this reaches Charlotte Dobre.

So I f (28), has had an eventful childhood. I have 3 sisters including one on the way, and 2 brothers. Me, Stacey, Jim, and terry were from my parents. The last 3 sisters are from a woman my dad began messing with at her age of 16. (All fake names)

Things I’ve witnessed or heard that I wish I never had. Anyways in 2015 my mother had to have her gallbladder removed. During this time, she lost her job and couldn’t really do much as she had a giant tube hanging out of her body draining her gallbladder of the toxins. My father couldn’t hold it down like my mother has for him time and time again.

We lost our home, became homeless. My mother was in a tent in her MIL backyard with a tube hanging out of her, while my father and his friend snuck a 16 year old girl (Kay) into a swingers bar. Which tons of men had sec with a minor and they didn’t even know it. I lost respect for my father that day. I hadn’t known it was a 16 year old until recently. That’s same 16 year old girl is now an awful 28 year old woman.

2016 was the year I found out my dad was a predator. I’m sorry but age of consent, doesn’t give you the right to be a predator. If you’re in your 40s like my father was, you have no RIGHT touching or even looking in a teenagers way. My dad was well in his 40s, the girl was 17 at this time. When finding out, I lost it, I accused my father of preying on my friends. Which he claimed he didn’t but I felt otherwise.

My younger brother Jim knew of our fathers infidelities, even helped our father lie and cheat on our mother. When my father found himself a place, while the rest of us were homeless, he ONLY took his son who lied for him, with him to his new home. My father has stayed with Kay for 10 years now, and currently still together.

My father has shaped and groomed her into being a community sex doll for him. He has had men come to his apartment to “try her out” so they can get approval into the group session they wanted to join. Me and my fiancé were present during one of these times. We had no idea until after they left. We couldn’t figure out why this random man’s wife was sitting on the couch while her husband was in my fathers bedroom with Kay for over an hour. If I was being honest, I’m surprised my father wasn’t collecting money on bringing men in to “try her out”. Now I’ve tried to be civil with this woman and she’s just a TERRIBLE person inside and out and I can’t fathom being around her.

Me and my sister originally didn’t know Kay was originally 16 instead of 18 like our father claimed. Kay on a drunken night admitted to A LOT of information. I feel for my younger sisters because Kay screams bloody murder at these girls day in and day out, over the tiniest things. Not brushing their teeth fast enough, you got her nose on your nose, screaming in your face, feeling her spit on her face with every word. She’s a disgusting human being. I’ve expressed my concern for my younger sisters to my father.

He ignores her behavior towards those kids, and now she has another on the way. Which mind you, she said she never wanted another child with my father and that she don’t want the girls to know how she met my father cause she’s ashamed of it. Then why have another child??? Why continue to be his sex doll offered to anyone he wants?

Anyways fast forward to 2024. I was pregnant with my second son, and living with my father at the time. Had only been there for a few months as we moved from 2 hours away to make a new life. Within those months I stayed with my father, I learned A LOT. He has said unimaginable disgusting things about what he’s done to Kay and other women out there. One day my father needed my fiancés help with errands. They left, came back, my fiancé was weird. After a week my fiancé pulled me to the side and told me my father looked at him and said, “I bet you’re fucking the shit out of her with the bbc aren’t you?” Then mentioned how my father kept trying to guess what his member looks like and how big he thinks it could be.

Excuse me? He said what? About us? About his own daughter? Every since he told me, I’ve had nothing but disgust towards my father. Ive had severe negative thoughts of my father thinking of me sexually, I’ve tried to suppress it, I’ve tried to keep my emotions hidden but I can’t no more. I recently started telling everyone what happened and why I’ve been so hostile towards my father. Outside of these vile things he has stated sexually about me and my fiancé, he’s made (jokingly) racist remarks that I can not allow my children or fiancé to even be around. It’s completely unacceptable.

He also takes showers with his 8 year old and 6 year old daughters which i had found extremely unacceptable. Their MOTHER should be washing them until they’re able to wash themselves. A young lady should NOT know what a penis looks like until Sex education class. My best friend he watched grow up with me, he stated he’s wanted to fuck her several times.

My father is a predator, I’ve finally accepted it. I’ve always acknowledged it, but after 10 years of trying so hard to deny it. I can’t no longer. Last year was the year we had found out her real age during the whole thing, my mother informed us of past occurrence with him, when they were younger. He’s always been a predator and everyone around him has ignored it and he’s just gotten worse. Our mother kept so much from us, but I understand why. She told me, He hasn’t done anything to us, to our knowledge, and our mothers knowledge, but he’s had sexual relations with an 11 year old when he was 19. 

It’s a bit long, left A LOT of details out but essentially, this is my story. So WIBTA for going no contact? I feel like I’m mourning a living human being. ","Wow...

That...was...wow. I am going to go wash my brain now with some disinfectant and see if that wipes what I just read.

NTA OP"
AITAH for removing a colleague off Facebook and Snapchat,"Basically I work in a school and there’s a newish man let’s call him Tom he’s been working here since September. He requested me on both apps so i accepted that’s when it all started he put something on Facebook saying he’s never been so low I dint really know him but I said are you okay he proceeds to tell me that he thinks no one at work likes him they talk to him at work but don’t like his posts on Facebook I was like what on earth I told him I don’t speak to many people outside of work just one person however I class her as my best friend he then invited himself out with us let me add he is Muslim which obviously doesn’t matter but clearly has dietary needs he kept well we need to go somewhere halal or that has vegetarian options I’ll enjoy i said okay then he said he’s not coming then he is coming and this was ongoing until he decided to come. 

Incident number 2 I personally don’t like large groups and I didn’t want to go to our Christmas night do and I told him that yet he just kept saying come on every time I saw him he would bring it up and wouldn’t leave me alone so I finally caved. I told him I won’t be going at the actual time because I’m not rushing his reply ‘Well I’m not standing in the cold’ I told him I didn’t ask him to. Then he wanted to know if I was going to Bongo Bingo I said absolutely not I don’t like it he kept saying you said this about th Christmas night do come on I’ll get you the fist drink I explained that last time I went I had a panic attack and I’m epileptic so the strobe lights hurt my eyes. He then told a lady at work that this happened I was so mad I thought that’s not his place and it’s definitely not his story to tell. 

He would send multiple messages at once and if I didn’t reply straight away he’d unsend them he posted loads on Snapchat and it was coming through my Apple Watch pinging like crazy and it was the same for Facebook a lot of repetitive posts. Well he messaged me saying why did I unfriend him I waited a little bit to think how to tell him it in a respectful way he then messaged my best friend asking her to get me to reply so I did I told him ‘it’s nothing personal but it was a lot of notifications and it’s not my place to ask you to stop posting’. 

This was the part I started to get really mad he told me that I made him cry because he thought I fell out with him, he never thought I’d delete him because our friendship is so strong (I barely know him) by this point it was about four messages in a row I said this is the reason I did it there’s a lot of notifications. He said well isn’t this a good thing friends message and check up on each other. I said to him please do not say I made you cry I don’t appreciate it you’re making out I’m being a nasty person when I’m not He then started to blame all of this on his disability he’s told no one about. I just feel like I can decide who I want on social media without being made to feel like a horrible person so AITAH",I'm old and it has never occurred to me to put a coworker of mine on FB or any other social medium. NTA for removing such workplace acquaintances (not ''friends'') from FB.
Aitah constant fighting,"(little side note, arugements mostly end with it being my fault)
Ok little back story, im a 29m on probation for assault. Shes a 30f trying to get her kids back. 
Been together 9months. Had hiccups along the way like her friends telling her my charges will never let her get her kids back from cps. And a landlord that didnt like us. Well i got our trailer onto a peice of land, and ever since then the owner of said land wants me to work on his yard(tree maintenance and general cleaning ues got hoarder amounts of stuff) but shes been yelling and screaming about the way the trailer looks. I get that some people dont like to clean or maybe clean a certain way, but she doesn't clean. Offers and never does. 

Now ive got a probation meeting in a week and her cps worker wants to see that she has a house(worker has stated that house doesnt need to be renovated, just doesnt need to look like a pig sty. Earlier this month she already said she wants to move the trailer to koa land and doesnt want me living in it, ok, get that, i can go to a different town in the county my probation is in. But shes been pushing me to clean her house rather then the landlords land, thus putting me in an odd space

Either clean the land so i can keep the trailer there, or the trailer and have to move for being a sqautter. Now that i have to leave to go visit my po for 3-4 days next week, i cant clean the trailer for her. And its only a bedroom. But thats it, big fight. So i ask reddit... Aitah?",If i dont reply im mostlikely sleeping it off...and dw im bot downvoting anyone. Just want genuine opinions
AITAH for making fun of a guys appearance even though apparently he doesn't like it?,"I (18F) recently became friends with a small  band through mutual friends. One guy in particular (22M) is kind of the center of the group writes most of the songs, talks the most, etc.

My personality is pretty sarcastic and teasing (I do not EVER comment on things a person cant change, and I'm never cruel), and that’s how I usually bond with people. I do it to everyone in the group, but admittedly it’s mostly him because he’s the most receptive and actually banters back. The jokes are very clearly not serious, like his stubble I have voiced disdain for, joking about how dramatic his songs are, making light comments about his supposed “emotional avoidance,” and what not. He fires back and sometimes even leans into it.

Recently, another girl in the group (19F) told me that he actually minds the jokes and has said so privately, and that I should stop talking to him altogether because “he doesn’t like me.” This completely caught me off guard, because nothing about his behavior toward me has suggested that.

Since I didn’t want to be crossing any lines without realizing it, I talked to him directly and privately. I told him what she’d said and asked him honestly if anything I joke about bothers him. He seemed genuinely confused and said he’s never complained, doesn’t mind at all, and that as long as I’m having a good time, he’s fine with it.

The problem is that the other girl is now insisting that he’s lying to spare my feelings, that he definitely said something to her, and that I’m being disrespectful by continuing to joke with him. She’s been pretty firm that I should distance myself from him completely and keeps framing it like I’m ignoring his boundaries, even though, according to him, I've done nothing wrong.

I don’t want to be someone who hides behind “it’s just a joke” if someone is actually uncomfortable. At the same time, it feels strange to ignore what he said to my face and instead trust a third party’s interpretation over his own words.

so AITA for continuing to joke with him and trusting what he told me directly, even though someone else says I’m in the wrong?","YTA and you sound exhausting.

> My personality is pretty sarcastic and teasing

Occasional banter is fine but people who make sarcasm their personality are the worst. Don't be that girl because no one likes that girl."
"AITAH for wanting my boyfriend to set boundaries, or for thinking he would want to set boundaries with his FEMALE best friend??","I (45F) was in a relationship for 12years with my late wife (45F) we married 7 years into dating. I lost her at the end of 2024 to suicide. (I’m so sorry this is such a long post, I’m trying to give lots of context)

In October of 2024 is when I lost my wife.  In November an old friend/flame (42M) and I came back in contact. We have a history, and being that I was married I respectfully cut all ties when my wife and I started dating back in 2012. My friend/old flame has always been in the background being respectful of my relationship (as not to cause any issues with my relationship, my wife didn't care for him because he and I have history). He used to pick my daughter up from school and drop her off at home, he was at one of my daughters’ birthday parties, he and my son watched anime together, he was at my dads’ celebration of life, etc. But he always kept a respectful distance. Even though he was still close to some of my family. 

Some contexts into our history... when we met we agreed to be friends with benefits. Neither of us were wanting anything serious being that we had just recently come out of relationships. We had a **GREAT** time with that! We became very close; we spent lots of time together and he stayed with me a lot! Even though we were not each other’s only “partners”. Well, I would say a year (give or take) into this agreement, feelings started to happen. He told me he loved me first, tbh… I was mad (I didn’t want feelings messing up such an amazing thing). I told him I loved him too (all the while I was seriously Head over heels in LOVE with him). Sometime later I thought “what are we waiting for, why not just make it official and just become a couple” well when I brought that up, he said he needed time to think about it. Days after (unknowing to me, he was dumping the side chics), That made me feel some type of way that he had to think on it. “if you love me, why would you need to think about it?” I told him fine he took over a week or more to ""think about it"", and then I moved on. He came to see me at my apartment a couple times, but I wasn’t getting what I really needed from him. (tbh, I didn’t communicate it either). I told him he was just too late. And then i met my wife. Things were left at that for years.

Fast forward, to us coming back into contact (13yrs later). We have spoke on all of the past and communicated like grown ups and apologized to one another for it all and how we felt.  

Now to the real reason for this post, all of this happening within this past year.

When I came back in contact with him, we did a lot of talking and communicating. He told me he had a roommate and that she didn’t have to be there, she had a house but that her place was being worked on and so he offered a room at his place (4 bdrm) in the meantime. He did tell me that they have had “friend with benefits” situation off and on. But he was not and did not want a relationship with her, he made that abundantly clear to me and had told her so multiple times. She was just constantly in her own head about her feelings for him. They had their own issues about that. So, basically, they coexisted as a couple to her. But just in a friendly manner (if that even makes sense).

When he invited me to his place to hang out, and to meet her I knew in the instant that I met her she was in love with him!!! A few nights later I stayed the night with him, nothing physical. Just comfort. (he wanted to be there for me due to my wife passing, he was being an amazing support for me to lean/cry on) She was not happy to see me at all!! So much so that she left/moved out a few days later, telling him that she couldn’t compete with me!!!

WHAT?!?!?! I don’t know when this even became a competition!! He and I weren't even in a relationship at this point. Besides, I’m not that kind of person, I don’t feel like I should have to compete with anyone. You either want me or you don’t! I’m cool either way. I don’t trust easily, and it takes some time for me to become vulnerable as well. 

Okay so when she left/moved out, he basically ran after her. He told her that she needed to get on board. She was his friend and he didn’t want to lose that (being that she was there for him when he was sick with COVID and could have become deceased) but needed to be on board with this because I wasn’t going anywhere and that she knew what their relationship is. She obliged. (I knew that she did it because she was in love with him, she wants to have him one way or another) Sometime after this her and I had a candid conversation about him and that I knew she was in love with him and she stated she was hurt that he chose me and not her. All I could say was that I was sorry. I understood what that felt like. She asked me if I was okay that they still text in the morning and or at night I said I was okay with that. (I maybe should have been a bit more detailed in my expectations)

I was noticing that HE was less and less…ummm in OUR relationship. He was leaving me nothing! He would come home, and it would be radio silence, even when I asked how his day was. I would get one-word answers or it was work, then NOTHING! I chose to address this, they were messaging each other good morning, then sometimes talking or texting on their way to work and then he would go down to the little store at the job (where she works) in the morning to get breakfast (10-15min), then go to the little store at lunch for his whole break (his lunch is 1hr), then after work (for her, she gets off 3hr before him) she would message him or call the job to talk to him. Then she used to come to the house on Mondays to watch WWE and do laundry. WE were going to the movies together as a group. And then there were times they would go alone, etc. I told him that he was leaving me nothing but the physical part of him and that is not all that I need from him(I mean, it’s amazing and all, but…). I came into the relationship to be with him for ALL of him, not just parts of him. I don’t care about what he has, or what he can provide, I can get and do all of that on my own. I am a very independent grown woman. I can take care of myself, I want a partner in life, a best friend, someone to share my life with. I chose him. My point was that if he was giving HER his ""friend""…ALL of himself, where did that leave me and what relationship did WE really have???

 It kinda blew up, so I didn’t speak to either of them for a couple days. I found out that he had a conversation with her.

 I, being the grown woman that I am, I went to the little store and apologized to her for not communicating properly. I should have discussed it with her, about her part. I told her I don’t know what her and Flame had spoken about but I just needed them to have some boundaries. Her comment to me was that “whatever I requested, I was getting”, I had no idea what she was talking about being that I didn’t request anything! (I guess in a way I did, but with him, I asked him to be more present and to save me some of his effort and energy) She wanted to keep things as her and I taking some time apart. I respected that. And I walked away.

Things seemed to get a little better with him and I, he was being a little more attentive.

And then, the angry rejected came out. She messaged me and asked me what my expectations for boundaries were. I told her, put yourself in my shoes, as a grown woman (10 years older than me, 54F) how and what would your expectations be for your boyfriend if he had a female friend be? She stated that she wanted to know what MY wants were not hers. Then went on to say, “would this be an issue if I were a man?” I told her this is completely different considering she is not a man and that she is in LOVE with him and has had sexual relations with him. I told her I did not want to have this conversation over text being that text can be misconstrued. She absolutely refused saying she didn’t deal well with confrontation. I have never been confrontational with her in any way. I just thought we could have another candid conversation. But NO. So, I just stopped texting. The last message she sent stated that I needed to tell him I requested her to stop texting and calling so much, and that if he reached out to her, she wasn’t going to ignore him. I left it on read. I NEVER said that. She also said that I didn’t want her in his life, again something I NEVER said. There is more to the text and she just kept putting things in my mouth that I never said. So, I ended the conversation. The very next morning she sent a group message with Flame, myself and her copied from our convo saying since “she” didn’t respond… and copy pasted the I won’t ignore him message. Now she’s being messy. He asked what was going on, and when I tried to read the messages and explain, he got uber defensive in her favor and got loud with me. He basically stated that we needed to continue the conversation over text and get things straightened out or don’t… I said “don’t”. I am too old to be playing these high school games, I didn’t play them then and I’m not gonna start now.

Needless to say her and I have not been on speaking terms for a HOT min and he still does things with her like go to the movie I stated I want to go see, he told me it was lame and then he went with her. Recently, he made plans with me to go to a celeb signing in one town and then do a VR gaming in another town across the state. Later, I find out that the celeb signing was a him and I thing(which he canceled) and the VR thing was a him and her and 2 other friends and I was not invited because she paid for it. He still went to that.

At the job we all work at in different departments. The other day he went on his lunch break at 3 I was leaving around 3:30, I went down to the store to say bye to him knowing that's where he is for his lunch. When I went down there, he was in the office with her. I told him I was leaving and I waited. He hadn't come out yet after a min or so, so I stepped behind the counter to tell him I was leaving. He was in the middle of telling her a story. I let him finish and since his break was about up he grabbed all his things and came out. We walked out together. We talked for a min, we hugged, he went back to his job and I left.

The next morning I again on the way to work received a group message to the effect of her and I have been cordial and not to mistake that for friendship. That from now on I need to stay on the public side of the counter at work, her office is only for her coworkers and her friends to come and see her. I really wanted to be a petty B. but I just sent back a thumbs up.

What's eating my brain is that through any and all of this not once has he taken my side.

Now, I am a levelheaded, open minded, logical lady. I honestly think a male and female can be friends; however BOUNDARIES HAVE to be set and my expectation is TRANSPARANCY, other wise things can look sus (I have requested this time and time again, and I still get nothing). I have no issues with him having a female friend but what I’m not ok with, is being put in a situation where I’m in a relationship but feel like the 3rd wheel.

So does this make me TAH?!  ","Uff da not gonna lie. I didn’t read it all.  If he doesn’t want to, then move on if it’s an issue for you."
AITAH for going off on my mom over lunch?,"Me (27F) and my mom (47F) are currently at bats over lunch. We play a game with some mutual friends on the weekends and during so we made plans to have lunch at her place. We talked about what lunch would be had (pizza from a place in town) and around what time. I asked her to call me so I’d know when to go over there, and she never did. So I messaged her thinking that maybe they hadn’t got it yet, and she replied with, I quote, “lol, it’s basically all gone now”. Now typically I’m not to get hurt feelings, but something about that struck a nerve. This led into the next day where I messaged her about a crazy think at work, and she replied with, again I quote, “don’t ever send me a message like that again”. And I was confused, and then angered. I shot her a lengthy message about how much that upset me and she ignored it completely. So AITA for going off on her over lunch? ","Nah this feels like death by a thousand little cuts. People love saying it’s just lunch but it’s really about feeling ignored and talked down to. You tried to communicate and she shut you out. That’s on her, not you."
AITAH for basically telling my granddaughter that probably she will having a harder time staying thin after she reaches 40 ?,"I'm (63f) a grandmother. My granddaughter (10f) was looking at pictures that included me when I young. She said I used to be beautiful. I thanked her. She asked me how come I let myself put on so much weight. 

I told her bad habits and aging. She asked what I mean by aging. I said a lot of women find it hard to stay thin after 40. With perimenopause, menopause, and all sorts of reasons. She started to cry saying she doesn't want to get old and fat. My daughter (44f) rushed in. I left the room. 

My daughter would tell me I was insecure for freaking out her daughter like that. I told my daughter I didn't intent for her daughter to be upset. Am I the asshole ?",NTA.  Telling younger people age appropriate FACTS is something more people should do.  I'm curious what the mom would have told her daughter should she be asked a similar question?
AITAH for disliking everyone in my year,"So basically everyone became rude and annoying in my year to eachother, ive basically gone quiet  because I’d rather not speak to most people in my year. I wish I could say different  for my friends because we’ve got friend b here who ive not really liked idk we just never really bonded but I tolerated him because he never did anything wrong and he is kinda comfortable to speak with, we also have friend a who we both don’t like and we have friend c who we like. Friend a tries to isolate friend c from us by making him hang out with him and not us but friend c doesn’t like that cause friend c also likes us. Anyway, friend b told me friend a was gossiping about us and as we walked home idk what it was but I felt like asking friend b if what he was saying was the truth. I asked friend b many times if he was telling the truth and friend b kept smiling aswell as smirking and I told friend b I wouldn’t care if he was lying so he should just tell me if he was. So friend b told me he was lying and that he was just joking. I blocked friend b when I got home, too quick?

Also none of the nice kids are nice anymore like I don’t wanna stay with  friend a but I also don’t like friend b 😭

","It does sound like YTA …. Everyone else is wrong and rude and you are the only one who is good? That doesn’t sound right :)

But it also sounds like you are very young and struggling to find your space and your own circle of friends. It is hard to find your people, your safe space where you can be yourself. This phase does happen to everyone believe it or not and it happens many times over in life - even as adults. 

Maybe give people the benefit of the doubt and increase your tolerance of people who are not as amazing as you and may be slightly different. Focus on being your best self so you can be secure in who you are and can be kind to those who are not like you."
AITAH for asking my family to 'keep up not catch up'?,"I live with my partner and two children (neither are his). He supports us with wages, I help out with my disability payments. Since he works I do most of the housework, despite continuous issues with my hands and feet (surgeries, often an inability to lift/walk, pain, etc). AITAH for being upset that my partner can't put things in the same designated place when he's done with them? Or to at LEAST pick up simple things he drops/leaves around? He just finds a flat place to put things when he walks in the door...and leaves them there. Always losing his keys/glasses, walks past stuff that's fallen on the floor, uses my tools and leaves them wherever...? Is it too much to ask for him to put his keys on the hook I put up, or his glasses on the microwave every time so I don't have to keep putting them back? Or to leave his bag in the same corner so I don't have to lift it to sweep? HE supports us for the most part though so I feel guilty asking. ",Put a big box by the door. That's where his things go. Anything you see anywhere else put it in the box.
AITAH for entertaining a guy that was hitting on me,"Hey there Reddit. I feel like I might be the A hole in this situation but I also can’t help but feel like what happened wasn’t that bad. For back story, around 5 months ago I (F25) was at the grocery store and this guy came up to me and started chatting with me about my sneakers (a pair of Jordans that they don’t make anymore). I own a vintage shop in our small city in TX, so I gave him my card and told him to stop in sometime. He was asking if I was new to the area and I told him me and my boyfriend were from the area, but recently moved into the actual city. He was polite, and that was pretty much the extent of the exchange. Later when I saw my boyfriend (M27) I told him about this guy who came up to talk to me at the store and we joked about me getting flirted with in public. That was the end of that. So now to what happened. Yesterday afternoon I was at the grocery store with my now fiance (engaged Thanksgiving 2025) and we split up for a few things (divide and conquer) and I ran into the same guy from five months ago in passing. He stopped and said hey how’s it going and shook my hand and went on his way. When I met back up with my fiance I told him I ran into that guy again and that he shook my hand. He immediately said he was upset about that and I thought he was just upset at the guys behavior because we have never fought about crossing lines before. But he said that I was disrespecting him by touching a guy that had flirted with me and that I should have just told the guy no instead of touching him. I told him that I was really sorry and I didn’t mean to upset him, that I just run into so many customers from my store out in public that it was just reflex to shake his hand, it didn’t even register right away who it was. I wasn’t telling him this to defend my actions but I was telling him this to reassure him that I was not intentionally trying to disrespect him and it didn’t even register to me that it was a bad thing to do because I wouldn’t have even thought to be mad at him if the situation was flipped. Now he’s saying he can’t believe I would do something like this being engaged and now almost 24 hours later he is still furious. I don’t know what to do at this point. I feel horrible but everything I say just makes it worse. Was I the AH?",">he’s saying he can’t believe I would do something like this

Like what? Shaking an acquaintance's hand? That has been the thing to do since the 9th Century BCE...

Your boyfriend is trippin'."
AITAH for not wanting to share my stuff in a shared house?,"I (28F) and my Fiancé (26M) are sharing a house with his friend(mid 40's) and his daughter(15). The house was initially theirs but since his separation from his wife the house was his until he approached my Fiancé and told him the house is ours if we want it as long as we cover the rent whilst he's there with his daughter until they find a place to rent. 
We took the offer since we were looking for a place to rent low rent and more rooms as we are currently expecting a baby. 
We are here almost a month and there has been no effort from him to look for a new place. I digress. 
Anyway I have sorted the cupboards and seperated his food, herbs etc from ours. I don't want any bickering of ""who finished this?"" ""Who ate my ... "" hence why I did it. But since doing it he has still been going through our cupboard so today I said 'anything that is yours from there take it and put it in yours' bare in mind I already seperated everything. But I let him off and he took some herbs. We buy multiples of one herb and buy a lot of herbs cause we love seasoned food. He only had chilli flakes. Tell me why this man took more? Anything he saw of ours that we had multiple of and was unopened he took... I watched him in disbelief and went to our room. I'm not heartless when I cook a meal I offer them because neither of them cook anything good just packet noodles or boiled fish and sometimes they fry meat (twice since we moved in). I give them juice, I do share but I dont want someone taking or using my stuff without asking. 
I want to share this with my partner but he is his friend. I already hate living here. I keep telling myself it is temporary they are moving out.. but why is he painting the room they're in and talking about how the extension should be turned into a sitting room when I already said I want that to be the baby's room. I wouldn't mind as much if he was paying half of the rent. But he isn't. Yeah he contributes to the oil for heating the house but thats it. 
AITAH, am I overeacting? ","Bahahaha why would he leave?  He conned you two into paying his rent. Where is his incentive to leave?  

YTA. For being stupid trusting. You have a baby on the way."
AITAH for telling my closest friends that my fiancée was having an emotional breakdown?,"TLDR - last week my fiancée seemed to hit rock bottom and brought up killing himself. I felt scared, hurt, and didn’t have anyone to talk to so I told my best friends. Fiancée is now unbelievably angry and feels betrayed. 

I ( 37F ) have been with my fiancée ( 38M ) for almost 7 years. This last year has been the hardest year of his life. He lost his mother, and that brought on very intense but normal grief symptoms. Anger, depression, lack of motivation, etc.. 

I have tried to just be there and be encouraging and supportive. Letting him go through the emotions as they come. Trying to just remain steady and normal. Keeping the house clean, making sure we have groceries and food, giving him back scratches.. stuff like that. 

Random side note that is relevant. We were gifted a really nice automatic coffee machine about 2 months ago. A used “Jura.” I had never heard of one, but essentially it’s a fancy automatic coffee machine. We install the Jura and my fiancée LOVES this thing. It does make really good coffee. 

Okay, so now we’re in present day. It’s been about 6 months since his mother passed. He seems to be doing better. Improved mood, his motivation is back, and things are going well. Then the “incident” happened. Last week, the Jura stopped working ( for the second time mind you ) and it essentially made fiancées grief/anger come flooding back with a vengeance. 

While in a rage, he broke the Jura on accident. He was hyper fixated on trying to fix it, while angry and not caffeinated, and the Jura broke. The thing is in multiple pieces now. 

What followed was him so upset and depressed, he said to me “I might as well kill myself”. I didn’t know what to say except tell him I love him and that it will be okay. But when he’s in that state of anger I find it’s best to just separate myself from the situation and give him space. Trying to calm him down or comfort him doesn’t help. 

So the following day I told my closest friend what happened. I truly needed to talk about it, get some advice, and just get it off my chest. I wasn’t trying to “make him look bad.” I just needed someone to talk to. 

Fast forward a few days and he’s in a better headspace. I tell another friend a very shortened version ( omitting the sucicide details ) and she just said she was so glad he was feeling better and proceeded to tell me about the time she beat the crap out of a simple human trash can. We were just friends catching up on each other’s lives and again, I wasn’t trying to make him look bad or paint him in a bad light. 

So last night he asks me who knows about the incident and I tell him honestly and he immediately gets angry. My knee jerk response was to say “you tell your friends when things happen with me.” That upset him even more because he feels like that was me saying I was trying to “get even” with him. 

That is not true at all, I literally just meant, when big shit happens in a relationship, it’s normal to talk to your friends about it. 

He is genuinely disgusted with me right now. He was screaming at me last night. He just kept saying “that’s not what best friends do” .. meaning him and I are best friends and you don’t tell people about your best friends darkest moments. 

I feel terrible he’s hurt so bad but also don’t feel like I did anything wrong. So, AITAH? ","NTA.

You left out intimate details, but you’re trying your best to support him. 

**People tend to forget that the people supporting us in our worst times also need support.**

If the roles were reversed, i have no doubt he would be asking his closest people for advice or comfort on how to help and support you.

You weren’t gossiping, you weren’t laughing at him. You were doing your best to support him.

**There’s a reason we’re call our people ‘pillars of support’ but we can’t be that without foundations, beams and other materials, that’s what our people do, they provide the materials so we *can* be pillars of support to our loved ones.**

NTA and he needs to apologise."
"AITAH for stopping my husband from correcting a woman who called me ""Sir"" ?","To avoid confusion, we live in a part of the US that doesn't snow. I (31f) have a blonde pixie cut. On that day, I came from the gym. I was in sweats. No makeup, no jewelry. I met my husband (28m) in a crowded place. 

While walking with my husband, a woman (possibly 30s) bumped into me. She said ""Sorry Sir."" My husband stopped walking and he was looking at this woman. He was about to walk in her direction but I held his hand. He told me he was going to correct her. I told him I'm fine. 

As soon as he got home, my husband told me that I'm gorgeous woman who definitely don't look like a man. I said thank you. He said he wished I allowed him to correct that woman. I said it's okay. He told it wasn't okay what that woman said and it wasn't okay for me to stop him from correcting her. My husband kept going from assuring me to being angry I didn't let him correct that woman. Am I the asshole ?","NTA. I’m sure that woman could not care less, husband TED talk or not."
AITAH for getting mad at my boyfriend for using AI,"Ever since AI got popularized earlier in 2025 my boyfriend (25M) will use it for everything - sometimes to the point of using it instead of Google, and it gives me the biggest ick. I (24M) feel so much sense of rejection towards him for doing it. It's almost like I stop being attracted to him for a second every time he starts a sentence with ""I asked ChatGPT..."". I've already told him I get second-hand embarrassment for him and that I'm praying every day he doesn't accidentally slip up in front of my family or friends saying he used AI to search for anything (much like me, the people around me are highly intolerant of it and of the people who use it)

At this point, AITAH for getting straight up mad at him for continuing his use of AI? I don't yell or insult (all the time), but I have stopped answering full stop - as in, if we're in the middle of conversation and he brings up using or having used AI to research whatever topic it is we're talking about I just stop talking like the conversation ended right there and then. And when I do reply I question everything about the answer AI gave him, making him mad and want to stop talking because the topic has now turned to us trying to validate if what he just said is right or not, or even correctly sourced. 

I know he does it from a place of wanting to be informed enough to talk to me about anything but it comes off as lazy and highly ignorant.


EDIT: I see people referring to me as ""the girlfriend"" or using she/her... we're both dudes.","NTA - using generative AI consistently has been shown to decrease the brains ability to think creatively and critically. At the end of the day, his constant use of it says something about his personality and values, and they might just not align with yours."
AITAH for disowning my father even if it upset my mom?,"I (f21) have decided to fully cut of my father (m53) from my life even tho my mother (f43) is very upset about it? To give you full context on why I’ve decided to cut him off and no longer associate with him being my biological father I should start with what actually happened. About 2 years ago when I was 19 I moved out of my parents house into my now fiancé house (m21) who lives with his grandparents. There was already a lot of tension at my parents house and I pretty much didn’t live there.

I stayed most days at my fiancé’s house with my cat and only went home to get new clothes and ect. Well one night I got a huge text from my father to me and my 2 other brothers that we are the reason why him and my mother fight all the time and that we are the reasons why everything is wrong with his life and ect.

He was just having a huge hissy fit because my mom got mad at the fact she does everything (at that time he wasn’t working as he was out of work for an injury but sat and played video games all day)  but instead of apologizing he put the blame on us even tho me and even my brother all barely lived at home and all were staying with our significant others. And well long story short I had a bit of a breakdown as I was already dealing with enough stress i was able to talk to my fiancé grandparents and they gave me the okay to move in.

I sent a text to my mother explaining that I could no longer deal with him anymore and that I was moving out. She was PISSED saying me doing that would mess up the family and ect. Anyways I moved out the next day and was not talking to my father but shortly after I did “forgive him” for my mom but was still not talking to him much. Now fast forward a few months we moved to a town 45mins away and little after that the one time my mom came to visit me at my new house she told me she had a suspicious that my father was cheating on her again( YES AGAIN) but also how he just lot 1,600$ from a crypto scams and ect. And me being the spy daughter I am I told her I’d keep an eye out. And about a month goes by and I don’t think much anymore as I couldn’t find anything.

I then get a notification on Snapchat that my contact (father) had joined Snapchat and me being me didn’t think of it. About two weeks later I woke up in a panic and something in my brain told me to check the Snapchat account and what do I find? My contact (Father) had his account name but the the one you can change to like a nickname and it said “Daddy wants a lick” and the I proceeded to had a midlife crisis and loes it. After that I’m like what the hell do I do?? So when my fiancé got home i showed him and cry because what do i do????

Anyways he thinks of this amazing idea to get our once friend from high school f(21) to add the account and see what she can get for me (she was all on board with the idea) but the next day when i got home from work my mom called and was like “yknow you should talk to your father he misses you ect “ and that’s when i break down and tell her about the account and send her the screenshots of the name and everything (i should have waited to get more proof but stupid me!) anyways long story short she confronted him and he was like oh that wasn’t me yknow that crypto scammer is doing that and ect. Anyways she forgives him but I tell her I know he’s lying and I don’t want to speak to him still as I was grossed out.

Few months pass again and I get a notification that the account is back up so me being smart I send my friend back in to get proof before I tell my mother . The proof I get was crazy. He tell my friend that he is a widow and his wife and daughter died 5 years ago (yeah I got killed off) and that he lives with him 2 other sons and work a part time job even tho he is retired to be able to save up money to buy a farm up in Alberta and he’s looking for a girlfriend to do it with him.

Long story short I get grossed tf out because she tells him she 20 and he called her hot ( mind you this friend also send a picture of herself and she had come over to my house alot during high school) and shit but also send a photo of himself on snap (more proof) but anyways my friend gets pictures of the text and I send them to my mother but I also send them to my younger brother. And anyways he says it not him . It’s still the scammers and they hacked into his camera to get the photo of him and ect.

After they had a long argument he lefted there house and drove off to go sleep at his works parking lot and that’s when I got a message cr

Him saying “I got hacked even tho u prob don't believe me ,l don't care I'm not ur father anymore anyways cause don't matter what I do for everyone you still find ways to try and literally kill me or my existence from ur life, I'm sleeping in my truck so you k ow thanks for behing such an amazing daughter ....not Hope ur happy

U do t have a father anymore you win”

My mother did in fact forgive him because she does not believe she can leave him. So now we are here 1 year later and I have not spoken to him since. She still try’s to get me to forgive him but i refuse because what do you do when your father is going after girls YOUR AGE and that look like you?????

To add to this. After all of this I have grown closer to my grandma as she has been the only one to tell me about my parents passed. They are about 11 years apart and they started dating when my mother was 16 and my father was 26. He lied to my grandma and said he was 19. She tried to call the cops when she found out the truth but the age of consent were I live is 16. But also he was always cheated on my mother my whole life but because she was groomed by him she doesn’t think she can leave.

Also another side note. My little brother told me that when he used to get driven to work by him he would make comments about young girls walking in our neighborhood and my brother says they all looked very much like me","NTA… This is just weird. Your father sounds like a creeper… does he have a drinking or drug problem?? Regardless, I think it makes complete sense to totally cut him off. Disowning him seems like a drastic move but you’re an adult. And it that’s what you want to do, I say do it. Why not at this point"
AITAH for being mad at my Fiance because he got me Swordfish while pregnant,"Y’all, I think I’m going crazy. Maybe it’s because of my hormones or whatever but I am so fucking pissed right now. I’m pregnant, in my 1st trimester and today I don’t feel like cooking and I wanted to eat something not home cooked. So I asked my fiancé if he could get me something from our favorite restaurant and I SPECIFICALLY TOLD HIM not something I cannot eat because I am pregnant.

During this time was when he was on a call with his brother, who is a bum, who is honestly a bum, did I say he is a bum? Yes he is a bum. We are an upper middle class couple and his brother was too but his business crashed, he fell into drug addiction, his wife divorced him, lost his house . His life wasn’t going well (keep in mind this was 3 years ago). He asked for help from my Fiancé and we said under one condition, that he goes to rehab and he agreed to those terms and that week we sent him 5k USD to give him a new starting point in the shit storm he was going through. However he started to grow… complacent.

Over the following months, he has begun to ask for more money, 300 bucks there, 15 bucks for a meal, etc. I talked to my fiancé about this behavior and he was defending him saying “he needed more time” “things happen” and he would get mad every time, so I dropped it. However a few weeks later, I found out that my fiancé had been sending him more money behind my back than I previously thought. Over a span of 7 months, behind my back…he had sent him, I kid you not….73K USD, IN ADDITION TO THE 20K USD THAT I ORIGINALLY THOUGHT WAS ALL WE GAVE HIM. Y’all that is legit almost 10% of a Million dollars.

That day, my eyes turned red. The fact he would do such a thing behind my back. It still grinds my gears to this day whenever I think about it. That day, I set much needed boundaries.

No. 1: if he knows how uncomfortable I am with a certain situation and he went behind my back to indulge in said situation, I’m gone.

No. 2: We are NEVER sending money to his brother EVER AGAIN.

After this His brother would call him crying that he needed money, one time he even threatened to off himself. I made sure we wouldn’t budge.

Fast forward, we forget about his brother for a year and after that fiasco, we started to focus more on each other and our relationship and grew tbh more happy together. Then, I become pregnant with twins. Then, my fiancé proposes to me and ofc I say yes.  But his brother who did not in fact off himself has to rear his head to ruin everything again.

So, you would think after he stopped using his brother as a piggy bank he would get his life together right? NO! HE CALLED HIS MOTHER. HIS MOTHER. The poor woman was calling my fiancé crying that his brother needed money and she couldn’t give him anymore money. We had NO knowledge that he was leeching off his mother and she didn’t tell anybody. She gave him almost ANOTHER 100K USD in the span of a year. Me and Fiancé was like wtf? And then we actually started to question..where was all that money going?

Last week, the brothers talked again for the first time in a while. My Fiancé was genuinely, pissed rightfully so, that his brother would do that to his mother. Y’all this is a 43 year old man, The oldest of the 3 boys. This might be late but Fiancé is 34M (youngest of the 3 boys) and I am 33F. Before I talk about their conversation. Me, Future MIL and Fiancé talked about what to do about this. Ofc I felt very bad for FMIL, as Oldest brother also threatened her with Offing himself. So we talked and me and Fiancé we came to a conclusion that we should learn where the money is coming from then we will figure out what amount of money he NEEDS not WANTS for this month, but that would be the end of it.

Would you guys guess what he spent 200k dollars on? Dating apps.. me personally I don’t buy it. But Fiancé checked his bank accounts and there are a lot of money spend on these dating apps. By the way it wasn’t just one but the 4… However it still does not make sense. 200k dollars can’t just be spent on dating apps. Fiancé thought the same. And for the past week Fiancé has been on call with his mom, brother, Chase, to figure out this debacle.

However, it’s gotten to a point where this is all that I hear all day. I sometimes have to drag him to come to bed (an over exaggeration, but you get the point).

While he was on call today and I asked him to buy me food and get me anything I liked except their swordfish, obviously he wasn’t paying attention to what I was exactly saying but got the gist of it. This is how it’s been the last week. It also messes with his mood a lot and I’ve never really seen him for constantly angry but I get it, it’s a tough situation. On the other hand, and he does have to understand that he can’t be on call 24/7 while I’m pregnant and I talked to him about it tho.

When he came back he dropped the bag on the table and just went kept talking on the phone. No words. So I got up, went to the table and he bought me.. Fish and Chip.. SwordFish and Chips. This is where I might’ve been the AH. I walked up to him, took his phone, cut the call, and I asked him what he got me. He said fish and chips. I asked what type of fish. Then he realized he got me sword fish. Then I might’ve gotten angry and basically gave him a lecture how for the past week, he hasn’t been paying attention to me or when I speak after I spoke to him about it.

He started to tear up and then went for a drive.

I felt as if I might’ve hurt his feelings because he really is going through a rough time but I am too. I might not be thinking clearly right now so I would like to ask AITAH, was I too harsh?","“My fiance brought me the wrong food … anyway, here’s several paragraphs about his brother that have nothing to do with the title… but swordfish, amiright?!?!”

HUH?"
WIBTAH if i was super petty and signed him up for spam calls? Help,"So about a week and a half ago, I meet this guy J- (32?) his original profile said he was 29,  I thought he was cute he was nice. I gave him my number, I gave him semi spicy pictures. And when he sent ones back, it was rather off putting, because I told him no thank I don’t want any pictures like that. I rather see his face. I’m not gonna get into to many detail about that. But I was slightly uncomfortable.. when I asked for a face picture, he sent one.. remember I was under the impression he was 29… so when he sent me a picture of his face, looking nothing like his pictures, and more like my dad… I was expecting a 29 year old, not 45. But I’m not a mean person, I continue to talk to him. I changed the subject to something not picture related, I know I’m mean for it. I felt bad and apologized the next day. The next day he asked me what I was doing, I told him I was Lin my friends live stream. Okay cool, he’s on the same streaming app cool I gave him my friends username, he came in, I didn’t mention the uncomfortable pictures, or anything else in that manner. Now there is a person in our friend group who is ALWAYS trying to hook me up with random men. So I told everyone who was in the guest box’s and comment section, including J, that I was talking to someone else, who wasn’t J, and I told him a was not interested in him.  
He continued to talk to as if he understood, but  a few days go buy, and I was back in the guest box, I am applying for jobs on a different phone, I clicked get directions to see how far it is from my house, Siri reads it out loud and when I said my bad I didn’t know Siri would be that loud, I’m trying to figure out where this job is. 

J who is also in the guest box, says “are you looking up where I work!” No? I then show a logo that looks like the star wars logo. It’s a toy store.  And he accused me of stalking him. And harassing him. Which isn’t okay. And before I could even explain what was happening I was removed from stream.  

Excuse me.  First I was not looking up anything for him, I’m not attracted to him or anything and this was after I told him I’m talking to someone else.  
These people in the stream I’ve known for over a year, and it’s been a week since J joined, and all he’s done is talked my friends into fat shaming me, and S**t shaming me. And accusing me of stalking him! When in all reality I just didn’t want to sleep with him! And now the group just believes him! He said I was looking up restaurants near him 
WE LIVE IN THE SAME AREA!!!!! Of course the restaurants I go to are the same ones you go to. He said he lives just a few miles from me.  

I want to be petty about this. I have his phone number. And first name. . But I don’t want to be the A H because I’m better than he is. But I can’t hangout with my friends because of what he’s said and has continued to say.  And it’s not okay. And I know that they are not really my friends and I’ve already let them know, I’ve blocked them. I’m not getting harassed by a sad lonely catfish all because I didn’t open my legs. F that. 

What do I do? ","It sounds like a lot of the frustration that you're having is because of your own actions leading up to it. Gonna say YTA, for all of it

Maybe wait longer than 5 minutes to send spicy pics."
AITAH for kicking my sister out of the family Life360?,"Family started a Life360 a few years ago, mostly because my mom wanted to know where my youngest sister was when she was not at school. Everyone joined, (nobody was forced)even my sister who lives across the country, why? fomo? Idk. Anyways, My older sister joined temporarily and then turned off her location.

This wasn’t an issue until I moved in back home with her and my family and started to notice she’s on the app religiously. I’ll be at the grocery store and get a call from her asking if I can pick something up for her, or I’ll be out of town and she’s text me “if you go to this place, can you bring me this”. At gatherings she’ll just have the app pulled up and look where everyone is at and give updates out loud to the whole room.

Needless to say I think she spends a lot of time looking at what everyone else is doing on this app. Here’s my real “issue”, when we ask why she has her location off she says it’s “no one’s business to know where she’s at”. Like what? I want to take her off but I know it will notify her so that’s why I’m hesitant. My parents don’t seem to care and think it’s better off like that to avoid her getting butthurt about it and resenting us for the rest of her life. This girl is VERY resentful! I just want it to be fair all around for everyone in it.

Should I take her off and tell her if she wants back in she needs to change her settings? Or should I just chill

Update:

Okay okay, getting mixed reactions here.

I do see how sharing locations is a bit weird to some people, but I share my location with a few friends for safety not because I think they might stalk me, nor do I think my family is a family of stalkers haha.

To us is just for safety since we drive long ways, I go out downtown and stay out late with friends and have drinks so if anything I’m glad that they can see where I’m at. Maybe my family is closer than others? It’s not like we don’t call if we need something or cut out communication, it’s just an app haha.

I’m not making up “rules” the whole point of the app is to share your location?? Nor trying to be a patriarch (if I was I wouldn’t ask for peoples opinions right?), everything was fine because everyone started off sharing location and joined. It wasn’t like she said “I’ll join but I don’t want to share my location” and everyone was okay with it.

My bitching isn’t about her being able to see where I’m at or calling me.. it’s about her not using the app for the purpose it was intended?

Anyways, I think I’m going to leave it but try to hint that she’s being a hypocrite when she does it again and call her out on her bs and see what happens! Thanks people",Turn off your location and just ignore her texts/calls. I would try delaying your response to her texts/calls….. by a few hours.
WIBTAH if I were to date my toxic ex's twin brother?,"I (F23) was in a six-month relationship with a  (M31) after moving from Memphis to Omaha with him. Over time, it became clear that we were incompatible. He has bipolar disorder and displays strong narcissistic traits. During the relationship, conflict often resulted in him withdrawing affection, shutting down emotionally, or becoming cold. While much of the harm was emotional rather than physical, it was still deeply destabilizing for me.

During the relationship, I struggled to understand his behavior and how to respond to it. In a moment of distress and confusion, I reached out to one of his exes—not to sabotage the relationship, but because I felt lost and hoped she might help me understand his patterns or how to navigate them. Unexpectedly, this contact led to them reconnecting and resolving unresolved issues from their past.
I expressed to my partner that I was uncomfortable with them becoming friends again, especially while we were still together and trying to work on our relationship. He dismissed my concern, stating that they were simply clearing the air and that it had nothing to do with us.

I later met her, and she did not appear malicious or threatening. At that point, I tried to trust the situation despite my discomfort.
About a week later, he broke up with me. The breakup itself was not hostile, and I was not angry about the relationship ending. What became deeply upsetting was what happened after the breakup: he began spending extensive time with that ex, including overnight stays. Given his past pattern of overlapping relationships and what I had been told by others, it was reasonable for me to suspect they had resumed a sexual relationship.
This is where the situation escalated and became toxic.
During this emotionally volatile period, I became close to his twin brother who during the entire relationship would always apologize about his brothers actions and made sure I was okay. 

Especially since the break up. I initiated first because he was showing me compassion something I hadn't felt for the entire 6 months I was with his brother. We flirted and it took an unexpected turn. We both like each other a lot but he's afraid of what his friends and family would think. Especially his brother since I'm his ex even tho the entire relationship he treated me like shit. Why would it matter if he treated me like shit, his brother steps up and treats me better? I don't even feel like I'm rebounding here. Someone else just showed me what I wanted and now he's afraid of being judged. ","You have to know this is a really bad idea, right? Its his twin brother, nothing good will come from dating him. Move on."
AITAH For going no contact with my whole family,"TRIGGER WARNING. I have to word everything appropriately. 
             

  I female 31, and my youngest half sister 25, have to make the decision to go no contact with my whole family due to my predator adoptive brother. 
              

  Brief backstory, my 2 younger half sisters and I were adopted by their Aunt and Uncle. They already had their own children but felt they had to adopt us when the 3 of us fell into foster care.
                

Our Aunt treated me and my one sister as Cinderella. Had no patience for us and told me all the time she didnt want me and if I wanted to leave than my half sister's would go back to foster care.
              

 When our Aunt caught her son really hurting me( in many different inappropriate ways), she told us to keep it a secret. I thought it would stop after me but it didnt.
            

  He crossed extreme boundaries with my half sister (his blood relative but not the youngest) and like usual it was brushed under the rug. They even brain washed her to forgive him. He was late 20s and she was about 16. Everyone copes differently so I supported my sister's decision, but never forgave him myself.
             

 As of last year he was 33 and was caught being extremely inappropriate with a Very very young female relative. Texts all hours of the night, comments about her looks and stating he was jealous of her guy friends and even her step dad. 
          

  The young childs mom, our adopted parents(aunt/uncle) and all his siblings, didnt want to pursue anything and kept it quite. They claimed he didnt mean for it to come off as creepy. Even when the child stated how uncomfortable she was. 
         

  Well my youngest half sister didnt approve. She brought it to the authorities and unfortunately they couldn't help. They told her he definitely was grooming her but there was nothing that they could charge him for.
       

   Now our family states they love my younger sister and I but they stopped inviting us to every family function. They claim they feel bad for him because he still lives with his parents, rent free and no job. 
        


So if either of us go to family events then they have to send him to his room or he has to leave the house. But all our sisters still bring their children around him.
     

It seems like they would rather their children around a predator than us. So AITAH?
                  
             ","NTA! I don't have any particular advice but I'm glad you're outta there, and I hope your sisters realise the gravity of the situation and stop bringing their kids near him!"
AITAH for cutting off my best friend,"My best friend(f) came into town to come visit me for my birthday. A month prior to this I got into a bad car accident that total my car so I was depressed because of the accident. I felt like I was transparent with F about everything that was going on with me, if I needed time to myself to smoke because stuff was getting too much or me getting frustrated that I wasn’t able to eat because I was depressed and having stomach problems. 

I got a new car 2 days before my birthday. I went and picked it up with her and there were multiple problems with the car but they couldn’t take it back to fix it until the weekend was over. I was trying to make the best of it but a car almost hit me again and I freaked out, I was in the car stopped and my leg was shaking on the break. I told her this and when we got to dinner 3 minutes later she starts saying how much of a piece of shit my car was and that we’re taking it back to get rid of it. My cousin tells her maybe we shouldn’t be saying that stuff about my car and she stopped. At dinner I went to the bathroom to call my mom and just broke down to her about everything that was going on and I wasn’t able to eat. That night I told her it’s up to her what we do because I was feeling bad about not doing much when she came all this way. This is when I started to notice her acting weird she wouldn’t talk to me and then she went off and cried for a hot minute. I asked her what’s wrong if I could help and she told me she’s just home sick. I told her we could just stay in but we ended up going out to an arcade.  

The next day she was acting off but I just thought she was hungover. I could not eat dinner so I was upset because I wanted to go out and drink but I didn’t want to on an empty stomach. I told F I wasn’t feeling good and since she was homesick why don’t we just stay in and have a night like we used to. Took a shower to refresh myself and my cousin and F surprised me with flowers and gifts. Which I loved but they gave it to me as I was in the shower. Apparently I didn’t react in the right way because F told my cousin “she’s still not happy”. But I was… 

F texted me an hour before my birthday saying she was thinking of going home tomorrow on my birthday because she’s homesick and that’s the only way she knows how to fix it. She asked me if I wanted her there before this and I said yes. I was upset about this with already being depressed and having previous problems on my birthdays but I knew she was going through something so I was holding it all in. So I just went to bed that night. 

The next day I got up early for my doctor appointment I was out by myself trying to make myself feel better and my cousin calls me to tell me F is staying and where am I. F did not tell me any of this. She starts texting me telling me she was going to stay and wants to make my day special but she doesn’t know and basically is asking me to decide for her which honestly pissed me off and I told her I can’t decide this for her. I got back home at 1:30 which is when F finally said happy birthday to me. I told them both I need to smoke BY MYSELF then I will feel better and we can do stuff together. F comes outside twice to talk to me about if she should leave or go. I told her I love her and want her there but idk what’s going on with her right now and if she’s feeling home sick to go home I can’t make this decision for you. She ended up staying and made the day worse. She ignored me multiple times when I was talking to her and when we went somewhere in the car she would be talking to someone on the phone. 

Once F was back home I texted her letting all my feelings out and asked if there was something else going on that she wasn’t talking about and she doubled down and said it was her being homesick. Come to find out a month later(because she would take days to reply) and me pressing her more about it F did have a problem with me she thought I didn’t want her there and that I was unhappy the whole time. F also told me she has communication problems and that’s why she wasn’t telling me the real issue. Which is weird because in our 17+ years knowing each other she has never once told me that or made it seem like that. 

As my best friend I feel like it shouldn’t have been this big of a deal and if she didn’t hide stuff from me things would have been different. She also ruined my birthday the year prior but that’s a story for a different time but I feel like 2 birthdays in a row made me question what’s really going on with us since for her birthdays I try to do everything I could for her to make it special no matter what I was going through.",Hope you’re not still skipping so many meals. You need nutrients to get your body and brain working better.
AITAH for being happy being single and alone even though everyone thinks I'm secretly lonely,"Hello everyone I'm a male (23) and for years now I've been very content with being a single guy and being in the company of myself. I've always been a introvert so the idea of just being able to go home after work and not have to have social interaction is amazing to me.

 My parents are from a much different generation and time from myself so to them being content with being single and alone sounds crazy so they assume I'm lonely and depressed all the time. Which I'm not. 

For the past few years there is this woman that they work with that they have felt like I should meet. I have always said no and that I was not interested but they kept persisting and crossing the boundary. Well recently my dad went up to said woman and asked her for her phone number for me. At this point it puts me in a rock and a hard place because if I don't text I'm a dick and if I do I cross my own boundary. This woman is 34 years old so almost 12 years older than me which at 23 is to big of a age differenence to be friends with and especially romantic with. 

Out of politeness I messaged her and we had a very brief conversation. In this conversation she did invite me out to trivia with her and a few work friends of hers and even said we could meet a little before everyone starts showing up of which I accepted but then things just went completely silent I hadn't heard from her in 5 days even though I did send the last text in the conversation. In my mind I took that as maybe she wasn't interested after all (which who could blame her with a 12 year age difference) so I moved on.

Today is Tuesday which was supposed to be the trivia day for some reason my head was wired that today was Wednesday so went about my normal after work routine, fed my cats, took a nice 50 minute walk and after the walk I looked at my phone and realized no it was actually Tuesday and I was not gonna make it to trivia. I told my parents that this probably wasn't going to go anywhere and they didn't take it very well and basically said that since they are older they have more life experience and therefore know that I'm not content with just being single and in my own company.

In my heart of hearts though I am I don't need a relationship or huge friend circle to be happy. Now that might change in 5 years but I don't think that long term cause 5 years from now is not guaranteed. Now I know I'm at fault I should have paid closer attention to the date and sent a text beforehand saying I wasn't gonna make it I blanked though and that is completely on me. But am I the asshole in this entire situation?","NTA,  you know what makes you happy, and being single and content isn’t something that needs fixing. Your parents just don’t get that enjoying your own company is perfectly valid."
AITAH for not staying in bed to keep baby asleep?,"Ok so my husband and I have a 16 month old. She sleeps in bed with us. My husband wakes up at around 5 am for work. He goes to bed around 9. I find it very hard to get things done with the baby throughout the day. I put her to sleep at 8, set up the baby camera and get to washing dishes, cleaning bathroom, litter boxes, sweeping, mopping etc. I do try and do all of this throughout the day but sometimes I can’t get anything done. Our daughter will wake up throughout the night whether I’m in bed or not, obviously when I’m in bed I can soothe her faster. So this morning husband woke up yelling that he never gets any sleep and that it’s my fault for letting her cry and not staying in bed. He said after the third time she woke up I should’ve just stayed in bed since I know he has to go to work. I do feel bad that he doesn’t get enough sleep but sometimes I stay up until he gets up for work trying to keep this place in order and I still have to get up with the baby in the morning. 

Also want to add I do babywear to get things done. I also try to include my daughter in cleaning but there’s some things I just can’t do with her without her just sitting there crying. I feel like sometimes I’m cooking and cleaning all day and there’s still so much that I have to stay up to do. Like I don’t even get time to shower most days. 

We also don’t have an extra bed room so there’s no where else he could sleep except the living room, but then I still wouldn’t be able to get up to do anything after they’re in bed.","You stay up until he gets up for work? Like, you spend the night cleaning instead of sleeping? This sounds more manic than healthy. You need to see a doctor and tell them about this."
AITAH for telling my dad I want him dead?,"Context for this one:

I am F (26), I live with my parents because we all live in a foreign country where it has been really hard to become independent, so it saves me some money to live with them.

We’ve always had a good relationship with the exception of a couple episodes in the past (16 years ago) where my dad was physically aggressive toward me and my mom.

My dad and I went together everywhere, he always helped me when my car broke down even if it was 2:00 a.m, came with me to do groceries and watched shows together.

My dad found out my mom (she told him) had an affair with one of her exes 23 years ago and since then our whole family life has turned to be so difficult. They’ve been together since they were 15 years old.

It got so bad; being physically aggressive with each other, my dad threw all of my mom’s perfumes to the street, they hit each other, to the point where last year I had to send my mom over to our home country because it was too much to bear, resulting in an argument between me and my sister. Fast forward to 2025, he left to Nebraska with the excuse of getting work, and he ended up coming back within two months because it was so bad over there.

My mom and I have always been really close. I knew about her affair before my dad did, she knows about my life, we are very open like that.

Last weekend my dad got in a state of mind where he started investigating my mom’s ex boyfriend, not even the one she had the affair with but one she was dating while they had been broken up. My dad is asking my mom for explicit details on her affair, on her relationships, while humiliating her and being derogatory towards her for all of this. She brought him a box of donuts home because she knows he likes them, only for him to be an asshole about it and keep digging at her with really bad words and terms.

I heard my mom crying hysterically and locking herself in her room, so i grabbed my car keys, and as i was leaving my room, I noticed my dad grabbed the box of donuts, following me towards their room. I told my mom to come with me, and as my dad was walking towards me, he threw the box at my mom and said “you think this is going to make it better?” She ran towards the living room, and they started being physical with each other again. My dad started yanking on her arm as she reached for me, so my first instinct was to grab a knife from the kitchen and threaten him that if he didn’t let go of her I was going to kill him. He said that I should do it then, if that’s what I wanted, as he kept yanking on my mom. He started choking her, and that’s when I threw myself over him, and started hitting him with the back of the knife, not the sharp edge, and when i noticed it wasn’t enough I used my bare hands. He dragged her to their room and i started screaming to let her go, I didn’t know what he would do to her. I started throwing glasses around. I threw a bottle of wine. Jars, everything that was within my reach. I made a whole mess in the house, there was glass scattered all over the floor, everything spilled, I even threw a jar of pickles and I regret that because it stank the place.

He let my mom alone to come for me, telling me that it wasn’t my business and that i shouldn’t interfere. I yelled to let go of her. That I was going to call the police on him and that he was going to rot in jail. That he was the one ruining our family and not my mom, and that he was still the piece of shit he used to be when he beat me and my mom so long ago.

He locked me out and i started panicking for a good 10 minutes before i remembered we have a spare key hidden in the yard. so i came back in and i yelled that the cops had arrived. and that if he didn’t let my mom out they were going to come and take him. He opened the door and my mom managed to come out, i dragged her outside with me and she told me to go back inside so we could fix this and at this point im pretty sure they both knew i wasn’t kidding. i started telling my dad that I hated him, that I didn’t trust anything he said, and that he had lost me, that he was dead to me. He started crying and telling me that no one understood how hard it was for him, to have everything he believed crumble down and not knowing how he was going to navigate this situation. I told him that it had been over two years since she told him, and that it had been over 24 years since it happened, and that him being hurt didn’t mean he had to go around hurting my mom and psychologically tormenting her.

He tried to hug me and I screamed so loud for him to

let me go that my neighbor came out.

He went back inside the house and i stayed out with my

mom, took her for food, calmed her down and i even moved a spare mattress to my room so she could sleep in it. My dad cleaned up the mess I did and went to sleep while we were out. The minute she saw my dad had turned off the lights she went to his room, spent the night there and left me alone. I had a crisis when this whole thing happened. I got in the way for her and yet she went back to him as if it was just some bickering, when it was traumatizing for me.

Now I’m upset because I realize they are never going to choose the common peace. They will keep engaging in their back and forth without even caring who they’ll hurt. I don’t want to talk to either of them, I don’t want you fix things, none of them have apologized and they act as if nothing had happened. My dad and I aren’t talking and my

mom asked me no to be mad at her. But I don’t think ai have that in me.

AITA for feeling some sort of way after this happened? And saying all those things to my dad?

I don’t know what I should do or how i should feel.","Hey, love. 

You are NTA. Protecting your mom from his abuse does not make you an asshole. But it’s common for abusers to make you feel that way and for victims of abuse (your mom) to “side with” their abusers and make up excuses for them. 

Talk to your mom when your dad is out. 

Make a plan. 

Both of you leave. 

It sounds like he is escalating. 

Be safe."
AITAH For being too judgemental?,"This is my first time posting to reddit, and its a throwaway account, because both these people use reddit alot. Sorry that this is so long


I, (21F) am currently talking to two people. We'll call one of them Jess(21F) and the other one Maria(20F). I started talking to Maria about halfway through last year (june, 2025) and i really felt a connection. We met up, went swimming and started having really deep conversations. She drove me home afterwards and we continued to talk, they even ended up coming to meetings for a group im in. On halloween, i went out to a club and i saw her there, it was a gay club, and she was with straight friends and was only ducking in for 5 minutes to see a friend. She introduced me to the friend(Jess), and left. I ended up sittung with jess, because it was my first time at a club and i was really nervous. We sat there for a few hours chatting about a few things, and i was really enjoying spending time with them. One thing they mentioned that really stuck out to me, was ""Back away from Maria. Shes mine."" Which i was a little confused about in the moment, i knew these two had been friends with benefits for awhile before maria met me, but the comment shocked me. 

After another drink, the person i was getting a lift with was leaving, so i had to go. I tried not to think too much about the whole situation while drunk, bevause i didnt want to say anything to Maria yet. A week later at one of the community group meetings, Maria and i got talking, and we started talking about Jess. I told her not to say anything to jess, but i was concerned about the comment they made, because i was under the impression that something was going to happen between Maria and i. She said she'll talk to jess about it, which i agreed too because there wasnt much else that could be done. The next week, they told me that Jess was joking, then asked if i was autistic, which i am. I didnt take offense to that or anything, because they're autistic too. After that, i mentioned that i really enjoyed spending time with them, and i found them attractive, and Maria told me Jess thought i was attractive too. I've been single for over 5 years at this point, and although i promised myself id never get into a poly relationship again, i miss having a partner, so i started pursuing both of them. everything is going really well, we ended up going camping and messed around a bit, but there were alot of other people nearby so not much happened. I was really happy after that trip, and couldnt wait to see them both again. 

I invited them both to my brithday, only Maria came which i didnt mind, but while i was outting away pressents my friends were all having a conversation about a show we all enjoy, and the characters in it. They then started talking about ships, and my closest friend, Angus, said ""I dont care what anyone ships as long as it isnt illegal"" And apparently Maria replied ""Yeah but i think people should be able to ship whatever they want"" Which may not seem like the biggest deal, but i dont want to be with someone that supports proshipping. I only found out about this a few days ago, and i plan to ask her about it when she comes over in a couple weeks. Everything was good up until around new years. Jess messaged the group chat we're all in and told us we can go stay at her house until new years eve (it was the 27th around then) And i said yes, because i thought some alone time with Jess would help us bond. I was also under the impression we would hookup, because of messages they had sent me. When i arrive she is sitting on the couch. She tells me to put my stuff down and sit wherever, so i sit on the couch next to her and sit my head on her shoulder. she dosent really have a reaction, dosent push me off, dosent hug me or anything, which im okay with. I give her the christmas pressent i made for her, (kandi bracelet and a watercolour panting that took me over an hour to do, also had a few stickers in there) And i didnt even get a thankyou, i hate to sound entitled but i spent alot of time on it, and i dont like unappreciative people, i end up letting it go thinking maybe they just forgot. They end up buying us pizza for dinner and i head to bed a bit after that because im tired. The next day i went home to get more clothes(1h+ drive), because i was originally only planning on staying one night. I asked them if i should buy anything from coles or woolies for us to have for dinner while im out and they said no. When i come back they order dinner again, which im trying to stay off takeaway at the moment, but its all i think there is to eat. The next day i ended up ordering us subway, because its slightly healthier. I didnt get a thankyou for that either, even tho i thanked them both times they got me food (i really value appreciation, especially in a potiential romantic partner). That night i notice a toy in the windowsill (fleshlight) And ask her how long its been there. Her response was ""Awhile, i just cant be bothered to clean it"" Which appalls me, i just kinda nod my head like i understood. Her room is also very messy. i dont mind mess, i actually cleaned some of her room, which she also didnt thank me for, but i just moved out of a toxic house that was a hoarder house, very messy, and i dont every wanna be near that again. 

The next night at the new years party, everything seems to be going okay, Jess starts saying all this stuff about things that Maria, herself and i are going to do later,
 which confuses me a little because they havent hugged me or touched me the whole time ive been staying at their house. I end up getting quite drunk early into the night (8pm) and Jess takes me to her friend(Holly, 32F), whose house we were at, to get her to sober me up. Maria followed Holly and i into her room, and we started talking. Holly ended up telling me that Jess ""Hadnt really warmed up to me yet"" and i was very upset, Jess has said i love you to me st this point, and has sent maria and i, in the group all these sweet posts about partners and things. i didnt say i love you back because i thought it was way too early, but it really upset me. Anyway, the rest of the party goes fine until Jess gets wasted ariund midnight. Jess ends up begging holly to sleep with them, and holly kept saying no. Maria and i had to take jess home, because she wouldnt stop asking. I went to help Jess get up to walk to the front door, and she said ""Ew, get off, dont touch me"" Which i was fine with, because they were drunk, but two seconds later asked holly to walk them to the door, which hurt because clearly its personal at that point. I message my friend and ask them to pick me up from Jess's house after we uber back there. in the uber jess held my hand the whole way back, which confused me even more. When i got there i packed my stuff and left as quick as i could. I havent really discussed any of this with them, bevause i dont want to ruin anything. 

Am i being too judgemental? ","Honestly… I don’t think you’re being judgmental, I think you’re clocking a ton of red flags and trying really hard to talk yourself out of them. The lack of basic appreciation alone would be a dealbreaker for me. Add in the mixed signals, the weird possessive comment, the cleanliness stuff, and the drunk behavior and yeah, this sounds exhausting. You’re not asking for too much, you’re asking for baseline respect."
"AITAH if i want to walk out from a ""healthy"" relationship because of bf's toxic mom?","I (28f) and my bf (29m) have been together for 3 years. 

My boyfriend and I started living together about six months into our relationship. We lived in a nice townhouse apartment right next to his parents, who own the property. Early on, my boyfriend was transparent about having a difficult and unhealthy relationship with his mother and shared that he was in therapy because of it. I chose to continue the relationship knowing this, believing that I was building a life with him—not his family. 
During our first year together, we both worked on personal growth. I sought therapy and professional help to address my own emotional struggles, and we made a conscious effort to improve our communication and relationship dynamics. Between the two of us, things have been stable and loving. We’ve had serious discussions about our future, including finances, long-term goals, and marriage.
The ongoing challenge in our relationship has been his mother’s involvement. Over the years, she has expressed strong opinions about who my boyfriend should be with, suggesting he should have a partner in the same professional field as him. She has also implied that I should change or expand my career path to better support his work, despite the fact that I am established in my own profession.
In addition to her comments, she maintains a high level of control over my boyfriend’s time and decisions, calling him daily—often for long periods—to give unsolicited advice and criticism. While living in the apartment owned by his parents, she would also enter our space without notice to speak with him.
In our second year together, we moved to a new home where his mother did not know our address. This distance significantly improved my sense of peace, safety, and emotional well-being. 

Unfortunately, I recently learned that she entered our current home without my consent while I was at work. This crossed a major personal boundary for me and left me feeling unsafe and anxious in my own space.

While my boyfriend did not invite this behavior, I’m struggling with the reality that he has been unable to consistently protect our shared boundaries. The situation has made me question whether our relationship can provide the emotional safety and independence I need long-term.
Given these circumstances, I’m considering ending the relationship—not out of anger, but out of concern for my well-being and future. Would I be wrong for choosing to walk away?
","NTA. He's not ready to get out of the toxic relationship completely, and nothing you do is going to get him there any faster. It's a shame, but I think you're being very clear sighted about this. "
AITAH for being mad at my best friend?,"Let me explain. We've been friends since elementary school. A few weeks ago, my long-distance boyfriend came over to my town to visit some family he has here (I've known him since kindergarten, 1 year of relationship) and I wanted my best friend to meet him. We went to a park and bought ice cream, and I invited our kindergarten friend group (we all know each other and we've always been friends) so my boyfriend could be more comfortable. My best friend made jokes about my boyfriend's skin tone all day long, and there was this moment when she pointed at a picture of him from my phone, and said ""You got a filter on?"" If the jokes were made at me, I would've been okay with them, since it's the humor we have together. But my boyfriend is a very insecure person, especially with his skin tone. He started crying when she said that, and went home. She apologized after, but I'm still mad. AITAH?","NTA. 

She is in the wrong for making your boyfriend cry. 

However 

“ if the jokes were made at , I would’ve been okay with them, since it’s the humor we have together “

So this is yals humor… you wanted everyone to be comfortable. She took it a step too far but that’s you guys humor. She was trying to be comfortable around him too. It’s her first time meeting him too ."
AITAH for being upset with my manager,"Me and my manager and new coworker, travel to different buildings to do process walks and identify any inefficiencies. Since we all travel together, we agreed on a system where for each trip we take together a person chooses where to eat. That way we rotate it and it’s fair

Today I was choosing and my manager is very picky about food and rejects anything outside of his comfort zone. This has been a reoccurring issue in the past and if he doesn’t like the food or doesn’t cater to his preferences, he’ll shut it down.

I chose a restaurant that was located inside of Walmart and it was on the way to the building when I mentioned that it was inside the Walmart my manager immediately rejected negatively and said nope, not going inside here. I told him that I’ve been here with coworkers and it’s a great chain restaurant. He said it’s inefficient to park at a Walmart and walk inside to eat.

I thought this was unfair, especially since it was my day we argued briefly as he overruled me, and proceeded to go to another restaurant catered to his preference, which was out of the way of the building he raised his voice in front of me and in front of my new coworker, who just started making everything uncomfortable

When we were eating, he asked me what I would like to eat for my birthday since our managers are required to take us out for our birthdays this honestly made me more upset.

This has happened more than once already and on multiple trips with my manager, where his decisions overrule mine, which makes the trip stressful and frustrating, and he tends to micromanage my work . Am I the asshole for overreacting? What should I do? He thinks it’s OK for What happened I dont","NTA. honestly, he's sounding kind of childish. as a grown adult, he should not be using his manager position to decide where you eat. sounds to me like he's just trying to eat at his places of choice more"
AITAH for basically telling my mum she didn’t do her job and then getting mad when she started crying?,"Sorry if this seems all over the place, I just wrote out a whole thing then my phone died. Also im using a throwaway for this. Tw for mention of mental health issues, but there isn’t any details at all.

So i, 15f, (turning 16 in two weeks!), and my mum had an argument last night. It was basically over counseling. My mum is not the type to believe in negative mental health. Atleast in me. She’s the “go for a walk” type of person.

Over the years I’ve suffered a lot from mental health things. After I told a teacher some of the things that were going on my mum was told and my head of year urged her to get me outside of school counselling. I managed to get in school counselling, because I was 14 and you do not need parental consent for that. They also gave me some tools for when I’d have panic attacks in school and other issues which I was very happy for as I prefer to not hyperventilate in math (laugh please). My mum was always very against this. Her side was that i seemed fine and I didn’t want to draw too much attention to myself. And also that I could talk to her about certain things. To be fair, and maybe see her side: i always kind of refused to talk to her about anything, because her response is to get mad. I understand she was scared but it made it a lot harder for me to talk to her because she’d raise her voice and tell me it’s all in my head. I admit I was very vocal during these fights and was not afraid to argue with her because it felt like she wanted me to just make it go away. But the last year I try to avoid arguing with her and just do what I can without mentioning it to her. I was also reliant on school counselling because she did not allow me to see a physiologist or even our GP. She would also get mad when I used my timeout card at school (if I was having a panic attack I could go to the office during class and take 20 minutes) because they have to log it and so she could see it if I used it more than twice a day.

So the fight happened because I’m on school break and she asked if when i go back to school (im a senior now, sidenote) I’d still be doing counselling. I just said “yes.” She rolled her eyes and I pretended not to see and she raised her voice and asked why I still need it and I seem happy enough. This began a back and forth of her asking me a question, me not wanting to answer or telling her I’ve talked to her about it a thousand times and to stop trying to argue with me. These next couple parts are where I may be TA. I told her im not talking to her anout it because she never seems to get it, and that if she does not want to help me I will find it elsewhere. I also asked what she says when her friends talk about their children going thru things as big as I did, she said those kids have actual problems, like a broken family or someone dying. At this point i laughed because this was the same thing she always went to and it felt like she was trying to make me mad on purpose. It turned into a massive argument. I eventually said “if you really want, I can take care of myself. I don’t know why you do this.” I looked up and she was crying. I said sorry but she cried even louder. Then I got mad. I asked why she was like this and said no other mum does this.

Her point was I made her seem like a bad mother and she offered her help snd I didn’t wanna take it. My brother then poked in and said I was basically calling her a bad mum and that was slack. I just told her “im sorry, but you obviously do not wanna help me, im helping myself, i dont see a problem. Im not gonna stop doing councelling” and I just went up to my room.

I do understand she’s probably afraid and we don’t argue on a lot of other things besides this, excessively. My dad is on my side but a lot of my family members are telling me im the kid and I can’t just parent myself. They’re also mad because she thinks I was calling her a bad mother. Which I don’t really think that and I wasn’t meaning to call her that. My side is that im very independent, and im fine with doing all those things, but I’m mad because she doesn’t wanna help me, but doesn’t want me to get help in general? I also get mad when she cries because when I cry while talking about it she tells me to grow up and that im not being fair. Im starting to think I seem self centred or like it is for attention just because of how hard im pushing for it. I have the school councillor telling me “your brave for advocating for yourself” but every time I hear it I think of my mum snd I feel really embarrassed for some reason, like a kid trying to be an adult if that makes sense.

My dad has offered to take me to a gp and see if I can get referrals for help. I don’t really talk about mh to him at all, and he seemed to be very surprised when I told him about the argument. so im guessing my mum didn’t really talk to him about it either. My mum is also upset now because I’m going around her to do that. Im wondering if this is not a hill to die on and if I should apologise and move on.

The main thing is aita for saying that stuff about her parenting and getting mad when she started crying at the stuff I was saying.

Btw guys, so sorry about how long this is!, feel free to ask questions about anything there’s some info that I didn’t mention because I didn’t wanna make this post any longer than it is. I don’t mind questions about how the school counselling works, some of it it’s important to this argument.

All feedback, even if mean, is welcome. AITAH?","NTA - suggest she does counselling, because it's not normal to cry when your kids express independence and a desire to get help for mental health things. She could probably benefit with discussing this with a professional.

And you can stick to this line too - ""Oh mum, I'm sorry, I'm not your therapist, I can't help you feel better about me seeking help for this. Maybe you should talk to someone?""

""Maybe you should talk to a therapist about why you're more worried about being seen as a bad mother, than your kid getting the help she needs?"""
AITAH for burning all bridges with my brother?,"My brother (25M) and I (19 F) have fallen out. Some backstory to understand the dynamic, my mother (41 F) had my brother at 16, we have separate dads as his was totally controlling (she couldn’t have her own money and things like that) our mom left his dad when my brother was 3 she lost custody due to some legal forgery and no money for lawyers to fight it. Flash forward a few years and I’m born.

I grow up hearing about a brother I have that I’ll never meet and my brother grows up thinking his step mother is his real one and wishing he had a little sister (his words not mine). During this time my mother hasn’t seen my brother due to her being scared of his father.

When my brother reaches 18 years old his grandmother brings him to meet me and his real mother. This was 2018, he’s been around some, mainly hanging out with me and fishing or simply sitting around his house watching tv.

He has three boys the first one being born in 2022 and a baby mama that doesn’t like me due to her thinking very harsh things about me that are untrue, He talked to her about it and they broke up and he continued trying to have a relationship with me.

Flash forward again a few months and he has to move back in with his baby mama and he stopped talking to me all together. Literally for months absolutely nothing.

Well a few days ago he sent me a picture of him and his oldest after a hunting trip, he looked absolutely adorable so I sent it to our mom because that’s her son and grandson and she loves them deeply. And I genuinely thought he forgot to send it to her because he hasn’t spoke to us in months and he never said don’t share it, he didn’t say anything with it.

The next morning my brother texts me angry that my mother posted the picture to Facebook asking me why I’d share the picture with her and basically blowing up at me for our mom posting the picture. Honestly I didn’t know he had a problem with her posting it, again hasnt talked to me in months, And even then I’m not in charge of her social media.The only people who have access to her pictures are friends and the only friends she has is literally our close family.

I began texting him asking if hes talked to her bout this before, no reply, I ask why he’s so paranoid about our family seeing the picture, again no reply. By this point I’m loosing patience waiting for him to respond because I know he is seeing it and just choosing to ignore me. I begin ripping into him because he hasn’t spoke to us in months and he finally talks to me and it’s yelling at me for something he never told me not to do, that was based with good intentions, and something I have no control over.

I begin asking why he’s so paranoid, why he’s stopped talking to me, why he’s made plans with me then ghosted me not even telling me the plans are canceled, I asked him why he no longer talks to our mom. I finally ask why he hates me and mom all of a sudden because that is genuinely how it seems again no reply. I tell him he needs to act like an adult and communicate and say f You, he finally starts typing and all he says is “yeah f me” then he blocks me on everything even his baby mama.

Who’s in the wrong here? I tried to understand what the problem was and fix it and he ignored me so I lost patients, I’ve always wanted a relationship with my brother and supposedly he wanted a relationship with me but he’s going to ignore me for months then blow up on me.

I can see why he’s upset but he didn’t go about that in a good way what so ever, I shouldn’t have blown up but to be fair I started out calm trying to understand what’s going on.

Is it that he can’t deal with the family struggles of childhood so he’s blocking us out too? Or he’s brainwashed? Idk, AITA or is he at fault?

Edited to make easier to read and to add more information.","Off topic: so your mom lost custody due to forgery and then never saw her own son again. Wow. what a fucking bitch.

The only asshole here is your mother: I think you did an innocent thing sharing something with your mom (who is a piece of shit but you seem to be in denial about it). I'm assuming your brother never told you he doesn't want his mother to see any of his photos. SHE HAS NO FUCKING RIGHT (THE GALL ON HER) TO POST THAT PHOTO. She's a piece of shit.  
Your brother is probably struggling with navigating this because his mother abandoned him with a guy who forges shit ETA: AND is according to her ""was very mentally absuive"". He may need more time to heal -- which would reopen the door for you (or he may never heal).

Tell your mom I said FUCK YOU"
AITAH for leaving my friendgroup,"I 23F have three friends we'll call them A, B, and C. All three of them are my husband's lifelong friends' wives. I have been friends with A longer than the other two, the other two have only been around the past 2 years. A and I have a complex history of an off and on friendship, there's a lot of pasts there we decided to leave behind in 2025 and grow our friendship (which I was more than happy to do nobody wants drama at our grown age). Over the past year friend A had her rainbow baby and friend B had a baby along with her and her husband getting custody of his two kids from a previous relationship.  Safe to say it was the year of change. I did my best to be there for friend B, after she had her baby, I took the two kids almost every weekend to either do fun stuff like skyzone and thrift shopping days or just lounging around my house eating our fav snacks and playing video games. Even during the summer hosting a small reception for her elopement in my backyard for our group, because she couldn't afford it due to financial struggles.

  
During this time, I showed up and showed out for my friends and their kids. I spent a lot of time, money and effort to make sure everyone felt loved and special (both adults and kids). Friend B was going through a lot going from having no kids to three and it didn't help the two she got custody of where from a very abusive home and didn't have the best emotional stability. I tried my best to be there and be a support system because I can't imagine what that feels like. Friend A and I continued to adapt healthy behaviors such as being open and honest about our feelings and having an open line of communication, Friend C and I spent some time clearing up some lies friend A had told her I said and becoming closer. 

  
Now that you have some back story let's get into where I might be wrong. Our friend group has three big events every year. The Halloween party, Friendsgiving, and Christmas/ new years.  This year with friend A having a baby towards the end of the year, friend C and I decided to host Halloween and Friendsgiving respectably. I told everyone when I would be hosting Friendsgiving and made sure work schedules would line up for the day. Two weeks before the event friend B told me she worked that day, even though I confirmed a month in advance that that day would work for her. So, I spent some time trying to work everything out. I sent a message in the group chat asking everyone what they would be bringing, everyone read it, but nobody responded. After a couple hours of waiting I sent a message to the girls that I felt disrespected because I always make sure to have good communication with whoever is hosting and nobody could do the same for me. At that time friend A was in a fight with her husband and he texted the chat they were no longer coming. I was confused and didn't understand why because earlier friend A and I were discussing if she wanted to make the turkey or if that would be too much. I texted friend A and she lost it on me, so I stepped away because I didn't know what was going on and didn't feel like being cussed out.

  
The next day she told me her and her husband were fighting, and he sent that out of anger and wouldn't tell her why. My husband messaged him and told me he didn't want to go because they weren't hosting. I was then the asshole because I told friend A, he can sit at home by himself and throw his own friends giving no one will attend because everyone would be at my house. I regretted it almost immediately after I sent it and after giving everyone some time to simmer down the next day, I sent a long apology to both friend A and her husband (separately) Friend A and her husband have a history of not showing up when I host events which is what led to that nasty comment. 

  
Let's move on to Christmas. For Christmas I made each of my friend's hand crafted, personalized gifts. I love crafting for people, so I was super excited to give it to them and even more over the moon when they said how much they liked them. For Christmas the only friend who got me a gift was friend A, I wasn't expecting anything from any of them, so this came as a happy surprise especially when she handed it to me in a Yankee candle bag. It was a tomato plant scented candle. I only own vanilla candles or musky candles. Friend A has a history of regifting, so I don't know if it was originally for someone else or if someone gave it to her and she was passing it on either way to me it just showed how little she cared. especially when I saw she had gifted friend B a gold evil eye bracelet. It's not the amount spent it's the half assed gift, that showed how little she knows me after 4 years of friendship.

  
Now let's get to New Years. Friend C hosted and immediately when we got there, there was hostility in the air. Friend C has an older male German Shepard who has bitten my husband and I multiple times. The dog is most likely inbred and has one of his balls stuck inside him that never dropped. Her husband refused to get him neutered when the dog was younger against me and my husband's advice. Throughout the night we were made to feel osterie sized after the topic of the dog biting came up in conversation and we said that he bites. Friend A told friend C that I was slightly uncomfortable with being at her house due to the dog biting and I'm pretty sure left out the fact that friend B said ""I don't like going to their house and wouldn't trust bringing my kids around the dog"" but I digress. I told my husband I wanted to leave so many times, but he asked to stay even though he told me he was made to feel like he was intruding on them. The night ended with me puking in the bathroom due to drinking away that feeling.

  
Now let's get to now. January 2nd was my husband and friend B's husband's birthday, they always try and do something together, but he knew with the three additions they might do something as a family. Well friends A and B went out to dinner with the husbands and said nothing to us. We didn't get an invite and only found out the next day. That was my last straw. Finding out about that made us see that there are lots of dinners and hangouts we weren't invited to, and I just don't want to be friends with people who make me feel this way. My husband tells me my expectations are set to high and that all of those things I'm upset about are normal in a friendship and I need to just let it go. But I've never been in a friendship like this where I didn't walk away at the signs I wasn't wanted. So AITAH for walking away?",Choosing your peace over forced friendships is always worth it even if it feels hard at first
AITAH for complaining to my brother that his son is playing with my underwears?,"For context - my brother's son is almost 8. My family has to babysit him during his mother's shift at work everyday. My parents take care of him for half the day, everyday. I work in healthcare so I have to be on duty every day too.

So I have been noticing for a long time that his son keeps ""playing"" with everything in my room. I have been notifying my parents and my brother too that I do not appreciate it. It’s okay if it’s normal childplay but sometimes he tries to access things that have been specifically asked not to. Like my cosmetics, jewelleries, studybooks,  laptop etc. But he keeps going back to ""breaking the rules"" just for the sake of it. He has already broken my two headphones, drowned my tab in his bath, painted my table blue and threw my stuffs out of the window. My brother has not replaced my stuffs or even asked to pay for those. My parents wouldn’t discipline him as the child is not theirs and they don’t want to be in trouble with my sister in law (who is quite vicious)

But today, after numerous attempts of me trying to ask him not to destroy my things - I have found out that he broke into my underwear drawers and I'm yet to track those out. I do not appreciate it at all. I have kept my room under lock previously but as my room needs to be cleaned everyday by our househelp - I can't do it for longer periods.

I have notified my brother sternly that I do not appreciate it and as an aunt, I do not want to punish this kid. So I was wondering, am I the A//hole? ","I don’t think you’re the A-hole, but I understand your hesitation to punish him. At 8, he should know better, but it sounds like the bigger issue is the lack of support from your family in enforcing boundaries. You might need to have a more serious talk with your brother about respecting your space. If your parents aren't stepping in, maybe you can set up more clear and consistent rules for when he's in your room."
AITAH f46 for looking in my partners m53 phone again when I promised I wouldn’t do.,"Update:

We have reconnected over the last couple of weeks. Spent some time together and booked a holiday to Barbados for in 3 weeks time.

But I had messed up again. He has spent the last weekend at my place. But last night I was worried again because he now has his WhatsApp locked with Face ID also. I asked him. He said there’s nothing in there. Opened it and I looked through it.

He’s beyond mad this morning that I went through his phone again. He’s walked out again. Refused to talk and wants nothing to do with me. I don’t know how to go about keep making this worse and feeling insecure and checking on him all the time when I get chance.

Original Post: I have posted previously about 3 months ago that I 46 (f) found out that my partner 52 (m) of 8 years has been sleeping with people behind my back for the first 7 years of our relationship.

Bit of background. We don’t live together and live about 45 minutes away from each other. I found some messages on his phone hidden about 3 months ago. I was heartbroken thinking he had just been talking to other people. I then asked him what had been going on. Turns out he had been sleeping with other people (less than 10) up until about October 2023. This was when he came to the hospital with me for a biopsy on a lump in my breast and he said he realised what he was doing was wrong and he only wanted me.

Then about 3 weeks ago I asked him about another message I had seen that had been playing on my mind from May this year. Nothing sexual but a girl saying how much she missed him and misses what they have.

He then told me he had been seeing her from before the hospital and finished it last year (I’m not sure what month), so he was still seeing her in 2024. But he said he didn’t sleep with her. Just got bl*w jobs off her.

He said she had messaged in May this year trying to rekindle what they had. He says nothing happened and he hasn’t spoken to her since.

We talked at length. I forgave him all of this. He promised no more fucking around. Just us moving forward.

Obviously I have been really struggling with this. I have spent the last 3 months wondering why I’m not enough or what is missing or what I can do differently. I get anxious and feel insecure at times.

He’s shared his location, keeps me updated. Spends as much time as he can with me to put my mind at ease. And it was working. I was feeling much happier and secure.

Here’s where I may have messed up.

He knows I have been through his phone a couple of times months ago. He gave me the passcode. But then changed it again because I had been through his phone.

The other night we were out drinking. Both pretty drunk. Had a really good night. We got home and were talking for ages about all sorts of things. One thing explained was how in my phone his is pinned at the top and my emergency contact. And I’m nothing in his. If something was to happen to him I would have no idea. He could be dead and buried before I found out.

I went to make some food. And then continued chatting. I then mentioned about how I had been feeling anxious. And was it definitely just me nobody else. I asked (hypothetically) if I asked him to hand me his phone now could he hand on heart do so? That there’s nothing hidden or saved that would break my heart again. And he promised!!

I went back to finish the food and he was asleep. His phone was at his side. Not going to lie I had a quick whizz through his WhatsApp. But there was nothing to see.

When we got up in the morning everything was fine.

Then about an hour later he went to the bathroom. Came out mad. Packed his stuff and said I had been going through his phone again.

He left 2 days ago. Won’t return my messages. Won’t tell me why he is so mad. I don’t know what he’s thinking or what is going on. But think I have broken his trust again and I don’t know how to fix it??!!

Update: Advice still needed to fix this

He is still refusing to talk to me. I had a message on the day he walked out saying “I can’t live like this anymore. I’m done”

Since then I have sent about 3 messages pouring my heart out. Saying I did it out of fear not malice and we can work things out. He replied saying he just wants to be left alone.

We exchanged a couple of very bland unemotional messages on Christmas Day. I sent the usual good morning yesterday and heard nothing since.

I know he hasn’t really been up to much other than being at home and spending time with his kids as we can both still track each I just don’t understand how he can shut down and block me out like he is feeling nothing and I don’t mean anything to him??",YTA. If you can't trust a guy dont be with him.  For fucks sake move on.
"Update: AITAH for immediately saying ""no"" when my husband asked me to stop wearing earrings because he said they make a woman look older ?","Update to:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/GAyYs1SMzB

Before the update, I (43f) want to answer a frequent question:
My husband (41m) had said on Saturday something about earrings highlighting a woman's face. How it can highlight wrinkles. That's why he said earrings makes a woman look older. To clear up some confusion about how I word things. He didn't mean that if a girl or woman in her 20s wear earrings they end up looking like a grandma. By earrings making a woman look older he meant just older than if they weren't wearing earrings.


The Update:
I (43f) had decided that I shouldn't act like a pushover like I normally do. I decided that I needed to confront my husband about what he said on Saturday. 
        This morning I talked to me. He said he loves me and he said he's sorry that he hurt my feelings. He admitted that finds me less physically attractive then I was in my 20s and 30s. Not only because of my aging but also because of my adult acne. He said I'm definitely NOT ugly, that I'm still cute. He said he's angry at himself for caring about such superficial stuff. 
          He specifically apologized for asking me to stop wearing earrings. He said he honestly didn't think I would get so angry. I confronted him about other stuff he's said that sounded like criticisms. He said those stuff was just flirting and he apologized for being insensitive. 
              He told me loves me and he will never ask me to change anything about appearance again. I was honest with him about all the activities I was doing on reddit. He said he's not angry that I reached out for perspectives. He said it's fine if I talk to my family or friends about this. He said I need to feel more comfortable expressing how I really feel. 
            Something many women will find pathetic, I asked my husband how less physically attractive I am now. He said in my 20s and most of my 30s I was smoking hot. Now I'm a cutie. I asked him what will happen when I age more. What about when I turn 50, then 60, then 70, then 80. He said plenty of 80 year old woman are adorable. He said he knows he messed up royally but he is asking me to not leave him over this. He said he loves me and will love me forever. I don't know how to feel right now. ","If he thinks he was flirting and you think he was criticizing, there is a major disconnect in communication happening."
WIBTAH if my sibling was not invited to our family wedding,"After our parents died, my sibling decided (for reasons still unknown to me) that I was a horrible person and cut me out of their life. I was sent a letter full of such hatred toward me, but again, no reason for it, saying we were no longer siblings, and to erase any history behind us. Mutual parties, including their spouse, have no idea why, either. 
I have a loving relationship with their spouse and children and their families, and see them when in their area. I have been invited, and attended all their children's weddings over the years (before and after said ""situation"") The weddings after the ""situation"" were awkward, but I was assured I was wanted and very warmly welcomed by the rest of the family, and completely and very obviously ignored by the sibling. Over the years, I have come to realize this is their cross to bear, and has little to do with me. I wish them no ill will, (well, maybe a little, like unending paper cuts, or getting diarrhea often in public spaces with locked or pay toilets 😊) but there will be no relationship with them again. 
My child is getting married this spring. They want to invite my sibling, since they are ""family"" and have always treated them well. They don't know to what extent I had suffered due to the letter and the lingering effects. For what it's worth, my spouse and I are paying for the wedding, and we are half a country away from each other, so considerable expense is involved for them to travel. I do not want this person there. Their presence would cause me undue pain and anxiety. But I don't want to cause problems either. Do I override their invitation? Do I contact their spouse and tell them I'd love to have them there, but not my sibling, and I hope they understand? I am truly losing sleep over this. ","I think you should tough it out, your sibling probably didn’t want you at their children’s wedding either but they got over it for the sake of their kid (with as much context as I have, this is what I assume). This wedding is for your child at the end of the day and if they want their Auntie there, then that’s that."
AITAH for calling my dad useless,"Hi y'all I 16f have divorced parents they have shared custody. I was with my dad last week since it was his turn. That Friday I went to a house party with a friend, I don't drink btw. She got drunk and left me at the party, I didn't even realize til I started looking for her. I will tell you why I was looking for her. 
When in the bathroom a drunk guy was by the doorway and started touching me inappropriately sobI went looking for my friend so we leave cause she can drive. I couldn't find her then some people told me she left with Marcus. I felt unsafe and the guy kept saying he will take me home, his friends were laughing and joking about it. 

I ran out and left and called my dad and he didn't answer the first two rings. On the third one he answered and I asked him to come pick me up and he said he told me not to go to the party and I still went. The thing is I asked him to go and he said no so I told him would it be better if I get a ride with a friend and he agreed. Anyways I hung up and called my mom and she came with my stepdad. When my dad called the next day to ask why I didn't come home. I told him my stepdad and mom came to get me since he didn't care enough to. Then he went off on this rant about consequences and I called him useless then hung up. 

He berated my mom about her making him seem like a bad dad and how she turned me against him cause I called him useless. He said her bringing my stepdad undermined him and etcccc. 

AITAH for calling him useless. I know I was wrong for that. I also understand that going to the party was stupid and especially being around drunk teens but I had a friend there and she left. I just wanted to be able to call my dad when I need him. This was my first party and I was excited. ","NTA A parent that doesn't collect their kid from a situation in which they feel unsafe is, in fact, useless. Your saftey is the priority. If there is a lesson or punishment those come later. "
AITAH for not following through with my in laws christmas activity?,"AITAH?

Relationships with in-laws are always tricky but I want to change that, but I need your opinion. I'll start with pure facts and then go into details.

Facts: Late October 2025 inlaw family sent message to group chat that they wanna go tubing instead of Christmas gifts. My husband and I say sure!

Dec 19th nothing has been said anything anymore about the plan, so I ask while we are at their house ""hey...so is it still happening? What day? I need to coordinate Christmas with my family too so please let me know"" MIL and SIL #1 say maybe that weekend after Christmas (meaning dec. 27th) but they'll let us know. ""Okay"" 

Dec. 23rd SIL #2 sends to group chat ""I asked for Jan. 3rd off"" 

My husband and me: ???? Confused because there were other convos inbetween and had no idea what she was talking about so I reply ""what's going on on Jan. 3rd?"" SIL #1 ""thats when we are going tubing"" Me: ""oh"" 

Nothing ever gets mentioned again, we see them on the 25th, 26th and on January 1st.

On the 1st, somehow the tubing gets brought up. My husband: ""oh it's still happening?"" 

MIL: "" yes, obviously""

Husband: ""well you guys didn't say anything anymore and I called you twice this week and you told me you weren't sure""

SIL #1: ""yeah, and we are going to the hot springs after""

Husband and me: 🤔👀

MIL: *at me* ""do you not wanna go?""

Me: yeah...I just am surprised...I didn't think we were going anymore...it's in 2 days and we haven't even talked about it...

January 2nd (THE DAY BEFORE we are supposed to go)

My husband calls his mom to tell her we should postpone so we can plan it better she says ""idk, send a message to the group chat to see if your sisters want to"" 

*He sends message*

SIL#1 ""well this is the day that works best for us""

SIL #2: I asked for Saturday and Sunday off already, it's the only weekend I have both days off

Me: Sunday?? Why do you need Sunday off? Is the plan to stay the night?

SIL #2: ""oh idk but my parents told me to get it off just in case we spend the night""

SIL #1: ""do you guys want to go yes or no?!""

Us: ""no, but don't let that stop you guys maybe another time we'lldo something else with you guys""

SIL #1: bummer we had been talking about this for a while. 


Details --------

Similar things always happen with my in laws. I have tried soooo hard to be flexible and be the best daughter in law I can be. They always swear they are super spontaneous and can never make plans with time so my husband and I always have to be running around or miss important dates with them. Example: almost every Christmas my husband and I split half day with my family and half with his. We are tired of it so in 2024  we asked my family if they would agree to take a 3 day trip in the mountains with us and my in laws. My family agreed. We asked my in laws and first response was ""well not sure because we might go out of town, and if we don't go out of town then family from Texas might come over for Christmas"" so in order to spend Christmas with them we canceled the trip in the mountains and told my family that if the in laws stayed in town we would split the day again. 

2 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS GUESS WHAT?! in laws call us: ""hey we are booking 2 nights in the mountains right now for Christmas do y'all wanna come?"" 

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! no, obviously no.... ""no, we literally had invited both families to go to the mountains and we canceled because you guys said no and now you guys are leaving?? No thank you"" they were very upset. I particularly SIL #1 that was 2024.

Now 2025 this with the tubing. Where clearly they made plans, talked about it, never told us anything even though we asked MANY times what was going to happen and then try to play it off like ""it was spontaneous"".

No, you don't call and get days off from work on a ""spontaneous trip"" when SIL #2 was told to call off from work we should have been told as well that they were planning on staying the night, right??

Anyway, I have told them many times, I understand you guys are spontaneous I don't expect you to make plans months before hand but please please as soon as you do please loop me in, I have to coordinate with my family too and I wanna spend time with you guys too not just my family. I've insisted so many times and feel ignored everytime and this time it just pushed it for me. 

#1.) Clearly you all sat down and talked about the date, hot springs and staying the night and not once did you mention it to us until 1 day before

2.)when you set a date you didn't ask if it worked for us, yes if it didn't I could have said something but would it have mattered? Clearly that day was decided no matter what
what


3.) You show us that only your time is important and only your schedule matters when we asked to postpone it and you replied with ""well thats the day that worls best for us""

This behavior is a pattern. I ask to be involved. I never am, yet we are expected to show up and if we don't I am the villan and SIL #1 causes a riot


For context. We've been married 5 years, together 7. 

Both SIL live at home with their parents and are not married. Ages 28 (SIL 1) & 22 (SIL 2)

My SIL #1 is pissed at me. But I am done trying, I have decided if we get invited with time and told the full plan we will go. If we don't, we won't.  That simple. We won't continue to be the only ones running around and trying to make it work when I constantly verbalize that I would like to see effort from them as well. AITAH for not going tubing with them?","NTA, they dismissed your plans, but end up doing the same thing on their time, obviously thru care of you go, they pretend being the victims because they invested you at the last minute, after 5’years it’s time for your own traditions m,  🫶🫶🫶"
AITAH because I called my friends (44M)+(28F) disgusting for hooking up while his fiance/her friend (40+F) was in hospital.,"(Sorry, This ended up longer than expected)

*edit  - so surprised how many people dont understand the first thing I say. We are not family we are like family. From the kids point of view its mum, dad, Auntie and uncle. Sorry I didn't put names (not that it changes anything)*

For context our group dynamic is closer to family than friends. Dad (44M) Mum (40+F) Auntie (28F) Uncle/Me(28M). 

*NOT ACTUAL FAMILY*

We hung out most weekends, but last year was difficult. Mum was in hospital for a months. It was hard for everyone. Me and Auntie helped Dad as much as we could and Dads Mum helped him too. They have 2 kids full time and 2 on weekends (from Mums previous) 

Dad was doing the seemly impossible. Looking after the kids and still going to the hospital daily to care for Mum.

This lasted half the year, but everything went back to ""normal"" when she came out but there was a lot of friction. Mum is physically able do some things, but she refuses to do anything since she has been out of hospital. She won't even change her daughters nappy, she just shouts out ""baby needs bum change"" while continuing to scroll in her phone. I could go on (I dont like Mum, but ive always been nice)

Fast forward to December. Everything seemed normal again, but me and Auntie had become closer (kisses and cuddles) the 4 of us spent Xmas eve together, I was at Mum+Dad's Xmas evening and I was with Auntie and her friends on boxing day. 

At some point on boxing day, Mum and Dad came up in conversation.
We are worried that Dad is gonna work himself to death, as he isnt the healthiest. He is openly frustrated (sexually) because he does everything for her (including in bedroom) but he gets nothing in return. 

Anyway, I said something like ""he either has a massive D or a tiny D"". One of the friends said ""ask Auntie, she knows"".. Aunties face dropped and gave a wide eyed ""stfu face"". Im behind her friend, but I saw her head point at me. Im guessing her friend said ""did he not know"" because Auntie just shook her head no. Awkward silence followed for a bit.

I waited for everyone to leave before mentioning it. I asked if she wanted to explain herself. She told me what happened, and I didn't know what to say or do (we were about to go to Mum+Dad's house). I stayed quiet trying to process how long this had happened, and how unaware we were.
While I was quite she kept talking.
She said it was a mistake. I said once is a mistake, 2 months is not
She said it happened while I was there one night, and another time when Mum was back home
She was asking if im going to tell mum. I said no but I can't/won't play along with this
She said they wanted to tell me, I said it wouldn't change how disgusted I am.
Then I left.

I was just going to stop talking to them to avoid saying anything. However, the next day I went to give the older kids their presents. I pulled Dad outside to tell him how Ive lost all respect for him and called him disgusting aswell. They both know my view on cheating (my ex cheated on me for 6 month with my younger brother), which is probably why they didnt tell me. After that conversation I tried to act normal, but every conversation we ever had started racing through my mind and realised how stupid me and Mum are. 

One time Auntie said to me she KNOWS she could get away with sleeping with him (she actually emphasised ""knows"")
She has said to Mum ""just give him a BJ, he isnt much to handle""
Mum asked what we've been up to while she been in hospital, Auntie said ""sucking off your fella""

We were oblivious because there was a running joke that Auntie would give Dad BJ vouchers for his bday and xmas (literally just bits of paper in a card). It wasn't abnormal for us to have rude/hypothetical conversations. But learning months later that she was openly admitting that she had actually been doing it made me feel physically sick. Idk why but this feels worse than lying, deceptively telling the truth.

I'll finish the story (sorry for the length). I left their house earlier than usual, which was awkward because Mum had dealt me into the game they were about to play, I said I wasn't feeling well, apologised and left.

The next day I learned that Auntie had blocked me and that I left stuff at the house last night. Dad dropped my stuff back and I asked what I did wrong to be blocked. He said I scare her, and she doesn't know what I'm gonna do/say.. I said she is scared of what I know, that isnt my fault.. I've said I'll keep my mouth shut, unlike you 2, I keep to my word. He said it was my attitude that changed towards her.. I said of course, let me remind you, ive done nothing wrong here. Ive said I'm not going to tell Mum but im also not going to play happy families every weekend knowing this.

I got a little angry that this was being turned on me, but the final straw was when he said that I should cancel my getaway because Auntie isn't coming. I lost my temper a little bit because I spent a decent bit of money to treat her for her bday and xmas, then I booked a nice getaway for an evening and asked her to come because we had a hard year helping out and we were getting close.. But like fuck am I cancelling my getaway, im going alone now. I didnt want her to come after this, I uninvited her because you guys are disgusting. Then walked away. Haven't spoken since. 

AITAH? ","I’m confused. What’s with the mum/dad/aunt/uncle thing. Just give names. This was weird to read.

Edit: going with YTA for not telling “mum.”"
AITAH for calling out my sister’s boyfriend for being a hypocrite?,"Throwaway account, so I don’t want this drama (HAH) to be linked to my main. And this may be a bit trivial lol. 

I (21M) am a cinephile and am a film student. The problem is, no one else in my family shares my passion and love for film. They watch like 3 films a year, and then when awards season rolls around, they are like “never heard of this film, don’t know how it won an Oscar”, and meanwhile the film that won is literally my favourite of the year. 

So as everyone knows the Golden Globes were on Sunday night. Hamnet won the award for Best Motion Picture - Drama over Sinners. I saw both of them, and even though Sinners is definitely not a bad film, Hamnet is just so far and above it by every single measure artistically that I think the Globes made the right choice.  

Well, my sister’s boyfriend was over, and he’s the type that’s into very “dudebro-y” type films and hates quiet, subtle works not made by anyone named the Russos or Chris Nolan. He said that Sinners was robbed and that Hamnet’s victory is gonna go down as bad. I asked him if he had seen Hamnet, and he said no. 

My blood boiled and I told him that he has no right to judge the quality of a film without seeing it at all. We had a fight, and of course my family is on his side. 

AITA? ","YTA for implying that Sinners, an actual masterpiece, is a ""dudebro-y"" type film.

ETA: Also YTA for not understanding what the word ""hypocrite"" means."
AITAH for basically ignoring my tutor?,Hello Reddit. Currently I’m in my final year of high school and I only have a few months left until summer and then college (I live in the UK so I assume it probably works differently from America). But basically for reasons I don’t massively want to get into I am currently working off sight in a library with a tutor that the school pays for. He seemed like a nice enough guy and me and him shared a few interests like gaming and football and such. But he would always go on about AI and how he was fascinated by it. Anyway I don’t really enjoy the sessions with him too much (mainly because I just want to go back to school) but I try make a decent effort at the work he sets at a hope of being allowed back into school so I can finish my last few months and enjoy them and do my GCSE’s and what not. Me and him would usually make conversation about football and games and just like interesting stuff that had been going on in our lives. So this went on for a couple of months and then a couple weeks ago a lady from the school came and spoke to me and asked me a few questions one of them being would I rather be back in school to which I said yes. She then said she wanted to ask my tutor a few questions and if I’d rather be there throughout. (My tutor had gone off while me and this lady from the school talked). I said I don’t really mind and she said I could stay because they were talking about me and she felt it was fair that I was there while they spoke. So then my tutor comes back over and the lady asks him a few questions one of them being something along the lines of do you two get on and like are you chill sort of thing. To wich the libary guy said yes but he said that I was a shy person. That annoyed me a fair amount because personally I do not think I am a shy person at all and most people I have said this to have agreed. I didn’t say that I was annoyed by his comment and then the lady from the school left and I just started working again. My tutor starts trying to make conversation with me and if someone has annoyed me I will usually just not talk to them but in some situations (like this one) that’s not really that easy. So instead of ignoring him I just kept shutting him down by giving him very short one worded responses like “Yes” or “No” or “Mmm” or even sometimes just a shrug. I wouldn’t initiate conversation with him at all. I told my friend all this and he said that he thought what I was doing was fair enough and he agreed with me in saying that I am not a shy person. Anyway fast forward maybe about a week or so this is still going on and I’m doing a project on my tutor’s laptop and I load up chat GPT for to ask it for a good name for something in the project. I then see in my tutor’s previous chat history there was something that had my name on it. So curious and a bit nosy I decided to open it because I thought well it’s to do with me so I’d be interested in knowing about it. Turns out this guy has been talking to chat GPT about my work and how I haven’t really been talking to him. He also used chat GPT to make all the work he had set me as well. And I wasn’t the only student of his that he had spoken to the AI about. There was tons of other names on there but I didn’t really have much interest in them and it wasn’t any of my business so I just ignored them and focused on what he had been saying about me. So the fact that he had called me shy annoyed me and now the fact that he has been talking to AI about me (and no one else) has annoyed me even more and frankly weirded me out a fair amount. I said to my mum and brother and my brother mostly agreed with me but my mum not so much. So I have my brother and my mate agreeing with me but currently not my mum. But I mean this is on going so things could change. Anyway in February the school is going to have a meeting with me and my mum to decide if I can be let back into the school and they are also having one at some point in this month as well. (But that one doesn’t really matter. The February one is more important). Etheir way I’m going to continue doing things as I am with my tutor and each session get a bit more simple with my one worded responses. Am I the asshole or do you think what I’m doing is valid. Let me know.,Do you know what a paragraph is?
AITAH for considering comfort in my relationship,"I, 32F, am in a LDR relationship with my bf, M27, for about 7 months. He’s been great so far. He’s never been in a relationship before and acts very chivalrous, romantic and very very very loving. He says I love you a lot. Isn’t ashamed to let people know I’m in his life. He shares his life with me. Gives me updates about his day proactively. Whenever I’m sad regardless of the cause he does everything to make me smile but here’s the catch. 

He’s in Türkiye and I’m in the Netherlands. Meaning that if we choose to be together then one of us has to sacrifice and move. He’s willing to take this step but he doesn’t know the language and has no diploma’s. Meaning he would have a low paying job here. The only ‘negative’ thing about him/our relationship is his economic situation. 

However I am aware that this life is temporary and there are more important things in life than money. I myself am not a career person nor do I care about status but I don’t want to live a hard life in the future. 

What’s more important in this case: love or comfort? I’m genuinely lost. How should I move forward and make a decision?","Respectfully, it's a 7 month long-distance relationship. You don't know him that well. You have no idea what he's like to be around, to live with, if you can argue productively, how he'll mesh with your family (and vice versa). 


Is he pushing to come live with you? Is this something you have to decide right now?"
AITAH for lying to my colleague about him cheating on his partner?,"A few years ago, while attending a conference in a different state, my colleague, Chris (27M) got super wasted at a bar we went to. There was live music and dancing at the bar, and he began dancing with another conference attendee that we had just met at the conference and got along with (also mid/late 20's M, also very drunk). At this point Chris was definitely VERY drunk and I noticed he was getting VERY close to his new dance partner, and before I knew it, they were hardcore making out on the dance floor. 

Chris has always identified as straight, and at this point had been with his girlfriend for over two years. After twenty or so minutes of a make out session and grinding on each other on the dance floor, the guy making out with Chris invited him back to his hotel room, and Chris agreed to go. 

I had also been drinking and was definitely past the point of buzzed, but not nearly drunk enough to misconstrue the situation or not remember what happened. I tried to say something to Chris to keep him from going, but he kept saying ""it's fine, it's fine, I'll be fine, don't worry"". I was also with another colleague, Kevin, who told me to just let him go because what Chris chooses to do is none of my business, so we let him leave. 

Now, I have no idea what exactly happened after this, but the next morning I got a message from Chris asking me if I had any idea happened the night before. I asked him what he remembered and he said he couldn't remember anything past going to the bar, but that he woke up in his hotel lobby super late at night/early in the morning and couldn't remember how he got there, but he eventually made it back to his hotel room. 

At this point I didn't know what to do. Should I tell him the truth that he cheated on his partner? I asked Kevin who had seen this all go down what I should do. And he said ""What you tell him could ruin his life. He clearly didn't know what he was doing because he was blackout drunk, so just let him think that nothing happened. He never needs to know."" So, I told Chris that he got wasted at the bar and then decided to go back to his own hotel, and probably fell asleep in the lobby on his way to his room. I never mentioned his make out session with the other conference attendee or that he left with that other guy to go to a hotel room.

I don't know if things progressed past the makeout session and I doubt I'll ever know, but if they did, at worst he could have contracted an STI and potentially passed it on to his significant other, who was innocent in all this. At best, he just made out with someone but still cheated on his partner. She deserved to know the truth because if it happened once, it could happen again right? I feel awful for not telling the truth and wonder if it would have been better to tell him what really happened then let him decide what to do with that information. 

Even though this happened a few years ago I still think about how I didn't tell my colleague the truth and it haunts me. AITAH for keeping my mouth shut?

As an update, Chris is now married to the significant other he cheated on and they have two kids together. 

EDIT: I don't know if something had been slipped into Chris's drink. It's always possible and I do feel guilty that this could have happened. I didn't have my eyes glued on Chris all night since I was hanging out with a bunch of work colleagues at the bar, not just Chris. I was also intoxicated, so even though I didn't blackout, I wasn't as observant because of the alcohol in my system.

Chris had been drinking a lot before he began dancing with the male and the male he was dancing with was also (or at least appeared to be) very drunk. So it seemed like both individuals had their inhibitions lowered.

I've also attended other work conferences with Chris where we went out to a bar afterwards, and the level of drunk he got was pretty typical. I had just never seen him cheat on his partner before (be it with a female or male).  

In my sober state, I would have pushed even harder to make sure he didn't leave with the other guy and looking back now it seems so obvious that something more nefarious could have been going on. Maybe it's just an excuse to help me cope with the guilt, but I did try to stop him while I was intoxicated and I was the only one of our colleagues who attempted to stop him, but while I wasn't sober, the thought that he could have been drugged hadn't even crossed my mind.",[deleted]
Am I a bad friend? “WIBTAH”,"I don’t know what is going on with me. I’ve been distant from my two close friends, and I don’t know why. I can feel myself being distant and putting up a wall between us. I don’t know why, I’m okay with texting them but in person I have a hard time talking and hanging out with them. I avoid them on purpose because I don’t feel in the mood to talk to them and I’m not sure why. This has led me to find everything they do irritating. The way they walk, talk, their thoughts and way of being. They are inherently good people, and we’ve had so much fun in the past. We’ve experienced so many things together but lately I can’t stand them. I don’t know what is wrong, I try to sit and analyze more in depth the friendship and try to understand why. I do sometimes feel a little bit smothered by them, I feel like sometimes they’re too nosey with my personal life. They’ll ask me about certain things I don’t want to talk about because it’s too personal. Maybe I’ve outgrown our conversations, I feel like all we do is complain, talk about work and others negatively and I’m growing tired of that. There’s nothing new or exciting happening in their lives, they don’t bring fun and new topics to our conversations. I don’t, I think I’m the problem and I feel terrible because they’ve been only kind to me.","It's amazing that you managed to write a rather long paragraph and still were not able to give us any actual context to judge...

If you just don't like them any more, then stop being friends with them.  If you think there something deeper wrong with you, then speak to a professional.

But, it's impossible for us to tell who the asshole is here."
AITAH for not wanting to choose between my parents and my girlfriend?,"I(17F) am unsure of whether I should stop contact with my girlfriend (17F) for 4-5 years and continue to live with my parents and learn about religion with an ""open mind"".

sorry if this is poorly written, a lot of things happened and I'm unsure of what to not include and English isn't my first language.

For context, it's been about a month since my religious asian parents found out about me and my girlfriend of almost 4 months by looking through my whatsapp and finding a chat I had with her friend. It was a picture of my girlfriend with words edited onto it saying ""shes not safe, shes getting touched"" basically meaning my girlfriend said that about me because it was her last day of school and I was messaging her and her friends and we were all joking around. My parents then went onto my phone gallery, didn't find the photo of my girlfriend (I'll call her A) and went into my recycle bin, where they found photos that I'd taken of us doing couple-y things from when I had gone to her house two days before and also some more ""risky"" pictures of both me and A (don't worry they weren't illegal nudes, just slightly suggestive pictures HAHA!!).

At first my parents were quite furious and wanted me to break up with her and never contact her again. I, of course, didn't want to do this because prior to being my girlfriend, A has been my closest friend for about 4 years now, after my best friend of 15 years (who'd kill me if I were to call A my bestfriend). I managed to successfully hide me and A's relationship from my parents for 3 months, but I also did hide our friendship from them too because A is MtF, currently pre-transition and my parents don't approve of me having ""male"" friends. When I stopped responding to A and my best friend (who I'll call G)  because my parents had taken away my devices, I found a way to contact them through my discord account on my xbox, which my parents were unaware of at the time. The plan was that A would tell my parents that she is considering converting to my parents religion (which I wont mention because I feel that it doesn't matter) because when my parents found out, they told me they wouldn't have cared whatever boy I liked as long as they were the ""same religion as us"" (for context I'm not religious and neither is A). This happened and my parents told A to take a year and truly learn about the religion and then come back in a year and my dad would get us married. The only thing was that we weren't allowed to contact each other for a year. We obviously didn't do this because my parents caught me using my xbox to talk to her. They then told me that I have to break up with her, and to save some time

we fake broke up twice and my parents caught me each time. Before that though, I also had to come out to my parents and explain that A is transgender, which they didn't really try to understand and that im also not religious. Then they also found out that my EPQ is on ""if queer poc experience queerness different to white people and how the media represents this"" and got super angry too and said that I'm ""sex addicted"" for writing about and thinking about ""these kinds of things"" (to be fair, they did read some of the more freaked out messages between me and A). When my parents caught me the most recent time, my dad had a panic attack and had to go to hospital. They also found the other way we had started to communicate through and got quite angry at me and started to include my sisters into the issue.

What it has come to now is that my parents are giving me an ultimatum.

Option 1:

I have to stop talking to A/""break up"" with A completely for 4 or 5 years and focus on my education learn about religion with a more open mindset

,""view life through a different perspective"" and then choose after that time is up what I want to do.

Option 2:

I have to move out as soon as I'm capable to (I start university next year) and they will cut me off and prevent my younger sisters from being able to contact me.

I honestly don't know what to do because I won't be able to completely cut off A for 4 or 5 years or break up with her, they would just keep catching me but I also don't want to be cut off from my family. What I do want to do is to live with A as soon as I can though which may be after or during university/degree apprenticeship depending on what we both choose to do. I know that I'm pretty young still an that relationships can always change, but we are both very committed and we have an amazingly healthy relationship. We're also both in our 2nd relationship. Also, my parents have sort of forbidden me from going out and also from talking to G because she's the on who introduced me and A as friends and my parents think she is some sort of matchmaker now and all the respect they had for her is gone. I can understand my parents perspective clearly, but I also just want to do what I want to do; I want to live my life, I guess. My parents make me sound evil for wanting to wear skirts and more tighter clothes. They also make it sound like I don't prioritise school, which isn't true, I do pretty well in school, although the start of A-levels is beating me up.

I want to do something computer science in the future and A wants to become a chef.

AITAH for not being able to choose between my family and A?","It’s hard to let go of family, but dude they sound nuts and super controlling. A panic attack leading to hospitalization because you, an almost legal adult, are *gasp* dating someone? If your parents were mine I would’ve given dad a full on heart attack and killed him if he had found out what I was doing at 15/16 lol. Personally, I would move out. It sucks, and you’ll need room mates at the least, or a lot of college loans and to live on campus for awhile, but I personally couldn’t take them forcing their religion on me and being controlled like that. No thanks. You get 1 life to live for yourself, and it goes by very quickly. Don’t waste time pretending to be someone you’re not. Do you have any friends whose parents may be okay with taking you in if they knew what was going on at home? If you move out don’t run up credit card debt, and learn how to budget. God speed dude, this is rough."
"AITAH for telling my friend the truth about her boyfriend cheating, even though it ruined my friendships?","For context, back in 7th grade a lot of new students joined my school. Among them were a boy and a girl. I’ll call the boy B and the girl U. B was introverted and nerdy, while U was extroverted and full of energy. I like making friends, so I started talking to both of them and became close with them pretty quickly.

Early on, B told me he had a crush on U. After 10th grade, when we all went to different colleges, they officially got together. After that, I rarely saw U, but B and I hung out a lot. I introduced him to my other friends, who I’ve known since childhood.

Here’s where things started going wrong. My friend group is toxic. They insult each other on very personal things “as jokes,” cheat on their girlfriends and laugh about it, insult each other’s girlfriends, and use bad language openly. Wherever we sit, people judge us because we’re loud and curse constantly. I’ve grown up with them, so I learned to tolerate it, even though I don’t agree with it.

B had money, and I didn’t. Whenever we hung out with this group, B paid for their food, bills, and treated them a lot. Before this, he never really had friends like them, the kind he thought were funny or cool, so he tried hard to fit in. Over time, he completely changed. He used to be quiet and respectful toward me, but after joining this group, he started insulting me too.

I had trusted B and told him very personal things about my life, including how bad my love life was and about my father, who lost one eye when he was young. I told him these things because I trusted him. But after he became close with this group, he told them everything. They all started using those things to insult me, because they knew it hurt me. I’ve known these people since childhood, but I never shared my personal life with them for this exact reason.

At the same time, B used to tell me that he loved U more than anything, yet he cheated on her four or five times. I already felt guilty because I felt like his change started after I brought him into this group.

The breaking point for me was when B went on a date with a random girl, slept with her, took nude photos of her, and then showed those photos to our friends while making fun of her. Later, I found out that this “random girl” was actually his first cousin. That’s when I decided I couldn’t stay quiet anymore.

I didn’t want to ruin their relationship. I honestly hoped U could make him better and that they could work things out, especially because U once told me she was planning to marry him. I talked to her occasionally on social media, even though we hadn’t met in person since 10th grade. I told her what B was doing and asked her not to mention my name.

She confronted him, and he immediately knew it was me who told her. He denied everything and blamed me instead. He told her that my friend group is bad, that we insult each other’s girlfriends, don’t respect anyone, and that I’m a bad person who’s jealous of him. At first, she didn’t believe him, but she asked me for proof. I didn’t have any proof, so she started believing that I was lying and possibly jealous or had a crush on her.

After that, B told all my friends what I did. Now they’re all against me. They didn’t care that I’ve been friends with them since childhood. I know why they turned on me though. I’ve told them before to stop doing these things and to respect people’s personal lives. They took that as me judging or insulting them, because this behavior is normal to them.

Now I’m the bad guy in everyone’s eyes. Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve stayed quiet, because if I hadn’t told her, everything would probably still be the same.

So… AITAH for telling her the truth?","Never the AH. NTA. 

You need better friends."
AITAH for going no contact with my only sibling?,"This is genuinely a short one because I’m curious.

At what point is sibling fallouts/fights considered just downright bullying?

I endured a lot of shit when I was younger, the likes of being strangled and threatened constantly on top of the embarrassment on social media status’/posts (Facebook was just becoming a big thing as I was growing up) followed by the threatening texts ‘wait til your home’ sorta thing. My privacy being invaded by them raiding through your bedroom and you being petrified to even retrieve your OWN stuff back out of their room😅

I’m genuinely curious how people who have been though similar perceive this - is this just ‘what siblings do’ or now you are older and reflect back, do you consider this bullying?

I’m not sure if I’ve gaslit myself into thinking that it’s just sibling shit but looking back it was definitely the catalyst of the beginning to my anxiety and ocd after doing CBT. And my sibling has never dropped the ‘lil sis’ act on me and treats me like I don’t know my butt from my face it’s patronising and I’m totally done.

Also, if your the youngest and went through similar, are you still in contact with them as you have grown older? How does one keep this relationship even if it hurts??","That wasn't normal sibling stuff, that was abuse. If contact still hurts and they've never changed or owned it, you're right to go no contact for your own peace."
AITAH for making my gf choose between me or her gay best friend?,"Me and my girlfriend have been going out for about three years now and things have been going pretty great, only the small issue being I feel her gay best friend is more of her partner than I am. He's always been her best friend and they're obviously very special to each other and I have no problem with him or them being close but it's more of I feel a little insecure about it, like I have to share her with him. They do all the normal things best friends do, they aren't necessarily clingy or that she prefers him over me, but since they've been together as long as they have, everything comes so much naturally for them, and it's like they are a married couple. They live in the same apartment, know each other's families, each other's favorite things, go out to dinners, she's always there for him and he buys her nice things. Like I mentioned before, she hasn't done anything to make me feel any type of way about it and I know she cares about me and it's kind of normal for best friends to do these types of things, but I can't help but feeling i'm secretly competing with him, or that i'll never be as close with her that he is. He's had a boyfriend for a long time too, longer than we've been together so it's really not like he's taking up all of her time or that he'd kind of take her from me but I don't really think I could do this much longer knowing she already has a bond with someone else and I have a good feeling if I asked her, I wouldn't be her pick. What do I do without being unreasonable or insecure?","Soft YTA.

Making her choose isn’t fair when no one crossed a line. This is about your insecurity, not his sexuality or their friendship.

You don’t compete with a best friend—you build your own lane. If you need a different level of closeness, talk to her about that directly. If you can’t accept the bond she already has, that’s a compatibility issue, not a betrayal."
AITAH for not letting my colleagues sing happy birthday to me?,"I don’t like to celebrate my birthday or be the centre of attention and I can’t think of many things worse than a group of people singing happy birthday to me.

My team at work knows this because I’ve told them and I’ve successfully gone 3 years of them not knowing when my birthday is.

However, this year, they found out the date of my birthday and decided to gather in the shared kitchen space (where colleagues from other teams can wander freely - another layer to the embarrassment), send me a message, and start singing as I enter.

AITAH for turning around, walking back to my desk, and continuing with my day, leaving them in the kitchen wearing party hats, surrounding a cake?","NTA, Someone actually sued their employer for doing this,  [https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-61141421](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-61141421)"
AITAH for telling guests they didn’t need to bring any food to Christmas lunch?,"So I have waited a little while after Christmas to post but I’m still annoyed so here it is. For years my husband and I lived in a home that was too small to host his parent and three brothers (and their family’s) for Xmas. So we always went along to their lunches and happily brought along whatever food we were asked to bring.

This year after a big renovation we were able to fit everyone finally and hosted the event. As we had been unable to do it in the past we wanted to treat everyone with a meal that they didn’t need to lift a finger to make and told them not to worry bringing anything. We made sure we had all their favourite dishes (including items we wouldn’t normally eat ourselves and are in actual fact highly allergic to) because we knew they loved them (we had spent about a thousand dollars on food and alcohol). 

A couple of days before the event my sister in laws called me furious and said she was angry that we had said not to bring anything when she had asked what to bring and said ‘it’s not just your Christmas’. I explained that we just wanted to treat them to a hassle free Christmas as we had been unable to host in the past. She then demanded to know what I would be cooking for the day. I went through the menu (when she realised we had gone out of our way to accomodate all their favourite foods) and then told her if she wanted to she was more than welcome to bring something along. She said no that’s ok I won’t bring anything. Fast forward to the day and they came and ate and drank to their hearts content and then left (no apology or acknowledgment that she had been rude).

That night I received a message from her saying ‘Christmas was fine but I would have much rather been with you guys’. She had obviously sent the message to me in error. I am just so angry at the way she treated us but my husband says to leave it. In my opinion telling them not to bring anything was an act of generosity but I’m interested in the general consensus… AITA?","It sounds like the norm is for family to bring dishes to share on all the other years. 
I disagree with evety saying how thoughtful you were to host and provide everything. 
Its not just YOUR Christmas, it was the family Christmas that you were finally able to take a turn hosting. 
So instead of happily hosting and keeping the same traditions, you effectively said ""Christmas is my way or the highway this year""
Yep, you're the AH"
WIBTAH If I stop being friends with people I have known for years over one person?,"I F15 hold grudges hard and I am seriously considering getting rid of like the majority of the people I hang out with even though I have no other friends as they are very clearly kind to and hang out with a girl who said horrible stuff about me my cousin and about people of the same nationality as me and many of the people at my school. The first major thing she said to me that made me realise she was a bit mentally deranged was in the pe changing rooms when she said 'the only reason Caribbeans are lighter than other black people is because they were r by their slave owners' mind you she was laughing like it was funny when it is clearly not. The next thing she did was try and disturb me during a lesson where she sits behind me when she couldn't get my attention she resorted to saying 'I was a black goat,' ""R (My cousin) does only fans where she sells feet pictures' and that she believed we were dating even though the first time we met her she knew we were cousins before we even had to tell her. The breaktime before that lesson she cane over to where we usually are and spoke to all of us like normal but when she turned to me she hit me so I hit her back then she burped in my ear the people I was talking to were very uncomfortable with her being there, I think its like a social cues thing where she doesn't understand when she should back off, then she decides to hug me and I mean really tight to the point where I start to freak out and I knee her to get away and she starts to act like I was the one who did everything to her and she did nothing to me. At Lunch time she came over to where I was and tried to act like nothing happened so I rightfully shouted ""Get the f*** away from me!"" and she tried to act like I was the rude one so my friends G,C,T&S tried to explain to her why what she did was wrong but she never took accountability for what she did and tried to act like nothing happened her only rebuttals was that she can't remember what she said because 'she says alot of stuff' and 'Why didn't I say anything at the time?' but when someone is shouting r at you its hard to get a word in andtI was literally too stunned to speak because who just says that to someone. Anyways my friends still talk to her like nothing happened today she started sitting at our table talking to G&Cllike besties and getting lunch with R like what she said was okay. I tried to explain ro R that its not just getting lunch with her its enabling her making her think that what she said was okay but she can't understand that. So AITA?",NTA.  You can be friends with whoever you want.  You don't have to keep friends because they've been friends.  Some people mature and others don't.
AITAH for cutting off my closest girl friend?,"I (24 F) have been friends with this girl (21 F) for over 3 years throughout university, residence, and in our day to day lives. Throughout those years, I’ve had a crush on this guy (25 M) for 2 years. Those 2 years have been in the up’s and down’s of him letting me down, then proceeding to go on dates and be let down again. Yes, it was not the greatest choice in a man, yet at that time, I really liked him. My friend (21 F) has been there with me through that time, I have cried on her lap, talked about it with her, and all the conversations you can think of. 

Last weekend, I threw my best friend a birthday party, where I invited all our friends, including the guy I liked (25 M). Right before the party, I talked with my best friend and the girl (21 F) on how nervous I am on seeing my crush, as the last time I saw him was a month ago when we went on a date. Throughout the party, I see my girl friend (21 F) and my crush together (25 M). I thought it was cute because maybe shes hyping me up and etc, as I was hosting a party, I wanted everyone to be comfortable. So I never thought twice about it. 

The next day, I receive a message from her (21 F) saying he (25 M) asked her out, and asked if I would be upset if she went on the date with him. I told her, ‘well yes I would be upset’, but she proceeded to still go. She proceeded to send me photos of his place, and his cat. Not to make things for complicated, but my best friend and the girl (21 F) also live together. So, she (21 F) calls me the following day, and the initial question she asked me was to throw my other friend’s relationship under the bus, then proceeded to ask me why if I liked him (25 M) for 2 years, why couldn’t she go for him, cause “I did not get anywhere with him anyways”.  I proceeded to ask her (21 F), if anything happened between her and my crush. She said she only made out, where I have other information that she did a lot more than just make out. I asked her for truthfulness and honesty, she lied in front of my face and swore on my (dead) mother that she would never do anything like that. Additionally, she (21 F) has asked my best friend to lie to me about the information she previously shared to him about my crush and what they have done together. Throughout the conversation, she never once apologized to me, or any remorse of the awkward situation she put everyone in. 

Now like I said, my best friend and her (21 F) live together, as well as we’re apart of a larger group of friends. As I reread this, it does sound like high school, and I agree. However, from my perspective where I am the most upset about is the choice that was made that would only benefit her (21 F), and make not only my best friend’s living position difficult and walk on egg shells but also the entirety of the friend group. As much as I am a people pleaser, I do want to cut her off in my life where I feel like trust has been broken, especially being lied to. Yet, it does make it a lot more complicated for my friends around me and our friend group, and even more so my best friend who currently lives with her. Thus, AITAH for wanting to cut her out of my life? Or any suggestions on how to deal with a situation like this? Thank you :) ","NTA with a caveat. She asked you in a performative way and ignored your response. Then essentially rubbed it in your face with pics and updates. She's not a friend. That said, why are you asking her about their intimacy? What are you getting out of investigating that? If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't be asking out your friends. You're only hurting yourself by playing detective. Cut them both off and choose you."
AITAH for telling my bf that getting raped is the risk I take when going out alone to sex parties?,"I (23f) am a polyamorous swinger. I’ve been in lifestyle for a year now and have gone to lots of parties and events alone and with others. Admittedly there are some parties I attend that can be a bit shady. By that I mean that the people who go can be gropey/rapey towards the women who attend. One swinger couple I know hosts parties every week and so after work one day I decided I would go to their party. Now introducing my new boyfriend who we can call David (24m). David and I have been dating for less than a month though I have known him for some time now and considered him a really good friend before we decided to start going out. I have another partner and I also swing, both of these things he knew before entering a relationship with me. 
I’m open with my partners about when I go to parties and I told David I was planning on going to this party. Then like an idiot I told him that I was just a little nervous bc the last time I went I almost got raped. (Guy was grinding on me dancing, and tried sticking his unwrapped dick in me since I wasn’t wearing underwear) David immediately got cold with me and when I asked what was up he asked me if I expected him to be happy I was putting myself in danger. I told him I understood his concern, but I have to accept rape as a potential outcome when going out alone to sex parties. He then tells me that if I’m dumb enough to go he hopes I make it home safe. He has never spoken to me like this before and I was in shock. I told him he didn’t have to like it but that my spaces are important to me regardless of how safe I feel in them. I’m not going to stay at home forever or wait until I have people who can go with me just because I’m afraid of getting raped. Women are just as entitled to space as men and I refuse to let fear ruin a good thing. I also asked him to please not call me dumb as it is incredibly condescending. I also don’t feel that me wanting to go to the party is dumb. I have genuine reasoning as to why I choose to take the risk and I’m not just doing it with the naive mentality that nothing is going to happen. He ignored my request to not call me dumb and just said to text him when I get home from the party. I ended up not going but I’m still upset he didn’t apologize or acknowledge that he called me dumb. My feelings are hurt but he’s also my boyfriend and I care a lot about him, so just in case, I have to ask, AITAH?","While his phrasing needs work, his heart is sound. When you invite people into your intimate life feelings develop. A loving and good man would have an issue with what you are doing. Sorry but YTA."
AITAH for losing my shit and ask my fiance why he is with me,"(First off let me say this whole thing was petty and I dont know why it got so big) me (31 f) and my fiance (39) have been together since I was 19, in the beginning of our relationship it started with accusations of cheating ( I understood for a little while bc his ex cheated) which was weird because I made it clear how disgusting I found cheaters to be and he is the only person ive ever been with intimately so why would get with him to just do something with other people but the accusations went on for 4-5 years and then he started drinking, I was same because we had no one to watch our son daycare was expensive I was a stay at home mom from 2014 till 2020 when our son started kindergarten then covid which intensified I guess his agitation towards me and his drinking everyday and my depression due to an ectopic pregnancy which he drunkenly blamed me for this was when he realized he had gone to far and stopped drinking. But any Backstory is to establish the years of accusations and just drunken rage towards me never physical but always belittling and mean. So 3 days ago he was drinking he came out and reminded me that I needed to wash clothes for the next day to register our son in public school (he was homeschooling) ( we dont have a washer/dryer so we have to wash in the tub which I procrastinate a lot due my rheumatoid arthritis) and I say ""yeah I will here in a bit""
Him ""now do it now"", me "" hmm.. I will"" then he walks away and follow to use the bathroom but he's in there washing his work clothes so lm like tell me when your done. He finishes and then proceeds to ask our son where his dirty clothes were and he says ""idk"" and I look down and ""say your stand.."" he says ""shut the f up"" in shock im like ""why are you being so rude to me"" him ""cause your a witch with a b"" I tell my son I'll was his clothes I know where they are go to bed ""dont call me a witch with a b, whats your problem"" him ""why are you being a bitch"" I go in the bathroom and wash my clothes and our son's now he's mad because I told my son to go to bed instead of making him stay up and wash clothes it was already 11pm, while im washing clothes he talking about how im wasting water because at this point im kind of dissociating or zoning out because I dont deal with conflict well it makes physical ill,ive blacked before just because being angry is an overwhelming feeling for me my therapist explained this to me but I don't remember what she said, so the water was just running for over an hour and then I turn around and he's just staring at me then goes back in the room and then 5 minute later does the same thing which I didn't see and I pick my  phone because of an notification and he like your wasting water being on your phone and that he thought we were a team and ""I say we're not"" and this mfer gets offended and I lose my mind ""you're done now after all the bull you been doing the years of being told your not going to be like this just to do it again and again"" and I dont remember a lot of what I said but I was getting angrier only because after every word he interrupted me to say im crazy and terrible person and how he didn't drink until he got with me and I say ""im done.(unhinged laugh) im done with all of this.why tf are we together if I am such a terrible person and you feel like you have to drink because of me, I don't think you are a terrible person just drinking changes you and you act like you hate me when your drunk"" it was like years of built up anger just came pouring out of me. And now I feel bad, feel numb and empty and Idk what to do. Im tired of be tired and I dont want to argue with anyone like why cant people just learn to express them selves without the conflict. Everytime someone does something to me and I defend myself they act as if I just came up to them and yelled for no reason and then I feel guilty and bad and I apologize for it with no return apologies because obviously its my fault but ive been treated like shit by my family from age 5 and up so when I met him I thought I  would get to be happy and someone would love me. I honestly feel like im going crazy like certifably looney bin i can not take anymore. So am I the a hole","NTA, and it's time for this relationship to end. Life is way too short for this. It's been years, nothing has changed, time to start formulating a plan"
AItah?Am I right to be upset?,"So my(23f) birthday is in a couple days, I've had this birthday dinner planned with a club I'm in for at least a month. I've told my family this multiple times while visiting(I don't live with my parents) including the date of the dinner more than once. It's a dinner I've mentioned also being really important because it's people I've come to see as family. Like we go over to each other's places to help out, have huge holiday plans together, and even meet up weekly to just hang out. And they love just celebrating each other's achievements and milestones. 

Well I get home from work today and my older brother calls and asks if I would come by the house to help our mom do our dad's food stamps. I say that I have plans tonight to celebrate my birthday with the club and he just goes quiet for like a minute like he didn't expect that answer before saying ""oh...I guess you can't. Bye""

Remember, This dinner had been mentioned multiple times and they even asked about it specifically by maybe 2 days ago. I told my boyfriend.

He said ""why should you go over there to help with his food stamps? They never helped with your food stamps application when you asked. You figured it out yourself. So can they. You did it last time you don't need to do it again""

And I understand where he's coming from and I agree 100% because they also want me to start his disability paperwork after I've told them I didn't know anything about how to do it and to get someone who knows how.

I'm just so tired of being the one that's called for this and it's not even the first time. And I already know what they will expect.

I was expected to take off work, or find a way to if I wasn't, to do his application and help with his interview last time before he went back to work. I was expected to do write down the information of what he had to get for the application and where to send it. I was expected to take their phone calls asking me questions about how to check this or check that. I know it'll be the same this way around.

AITAH for not changing my plans to help my mom?","Their expectations are not your obligations. Their emotions are also not yours to manage. 

NTA"
AITAH for going no contact with my ex after she dumped me and then spiraled?,"I (26F) went no contact with my ex (23F) and now I feel like I am being made out to be cold and heartless, so I need an outside opinion.

My ex broke up with me because she wanted to try being intimate with other people. I was very much in love with her and completely devastated, but instead of doing the healthy thing and walking away, I agreed to stay friends.

That was a mistake.

For months after the breakup she kept me emotionally stuck. She would tell me about people she was hanging out with and things she had done since the breakup, details I never asked for. Other times she would act like we were still together, pet names, reminiscing, affection, just enough to keep me attached.

I was constantly hurt but kept telling myself I was being dramatic or too sensitive.

Eventually my cousin gave me a reality check, and I finally told my ex that this dynamic was not okay for me and that I needed to go no contact.

At first she seemed understanding.

That did not last.

When I stopped replying she started contacting me from new accounts after I blocked her. When that did not work she started messaging my cousins and friends. She then threatened to out me to my family if I did not respond.

After all of that she sent me a long emotional message about how much she misses me.

The message was full of “I miss our memories, I miss cuddling, I miss calling you Luna” (fake name), and how she is physically tired from missing me. She said she still loves me and that she was hurt because I once told her she was invalidating my feelings.

Important detail: she did not apologize for invalidating my feelings until I explicitly pointed it out to her. Now she is acting like that apology should erase the impact and that I am wrong for still being hurt by it.

She also said she cried a lot after the breakup and questioned how she was supposed to know that I was hurt too.

Just to be clear, she broke up with me so she could sleep with other people. Apparently I was supposed to formally announce that this hurt my feelings.

There was no apology for the harassment, the fake accounts, or the threats. Just a lot of “I miss you” and “I am hurting.”

I did not respond. I blocked everything. I warned my friends. I stayed no contact.

Now I am hearing, through other people, that I am cold, that I abandoned her when she was struggling, and that I should have talked it out instead of disappearing.

But every time I tried to talk things out before, I ended up apologizing for being hurt while she got to keep doing whatever she wanted.

So AITA for cutting off my ex after she dumped me, kept hurting me under the guise of friendship, escalated when I set boundaries, and then tried to guilt me back into contact?",NTA this is literally what it means to break up with someone.
AITAH - Watching porn vs. my girlfriend feelings,"I just got in an argument with my girlfriend looking for some perspective; 

She found out a week ago that i watched a specific type type of porn, specifically porn with known actress from our state/area. (by going thru my browser history)

Honestly I don't watch porn every week and the genres varies but often end up in most watched or top rated. the names she saw wasnt a one time deal but she saw maybe the only time in 2025. 

  
She never had problem with any type of porn before, but did have problem with some girl singer from around here so there's a link there i didn't see.

  
I don't mind being asked not to watch a specific type of porn but I got defensive with her going thru my laptop, and im not willing to be sorry for what i watched in my privacy.

  
She did say she was sorry for going thru my stuff, but she definetly expected more empathy from my part.

  
so reddit aitah ? ","Bro, just dump her because you know as well as I do you aren’t going to stop looking at it and she deserves a guy who isn’t a gooner.  Just the fact that you have to ask Reddit vs taking her perspective seriously says all I need to know..Save her the pain , end it now."
WIBTAH for breaking up with my partner of 6 years because he’s too introverted?,"My(28f) partner(28m) and I are currently having relationship issues. We have been together for 6, almost 7 years.

When we started dating, we both heavily played games, had terrible sleeping schedules and spent all our time at home, watching twitch streams. After Covid, I got a full time job, sold my pc and stopped gaming. Over the years, I have stepped out of my comfort zone and started to go to zoos, concerts, the cinema, etc.

My partner hates all of that. He thinking seeing movies in the cinema is “cringe”. He would “rather die” than go to dinner.

I was fine with that. My biggest issue is, I have friends that I can do all of this with, however he gets upset when I do. He makes fun of my friends, tells me to just stay home, etc. 

6 years ago, we were the same level of introverted, but as I’m getting older, I’m finding I’m not introverted at all. 

I want to travel, try new things, meet new people. I hate feeling like I’m doing something wrong by making plans without him or trying to force him to do things he doesn’t want to.

Will I be the asshole?",You've grown out of the relationship.That's ok.
AITAH can a cheating secret be kept forever?,"I cheated on my girlfriend: I downloaded Snapchat and hinge after coming home from the bar few nights ago. I messaged some girls on both apps. I knocked out and next morning woke up hungover and asked and received nudes on Snapchat and went on to porn to get myself off. I watched porn again right after for same reason. In middle of this I also messaged girls on hinge. My goal was to get nudes on there as well. But i was on hinge briefly and nothing came out of it. I deleted and deactivated everything right after.

I confessed to her yesterday about the Snapchat nudes and porn after sitting on it for 2 days. However, I left out the hinge messaging part. We cried and talked for hours. She then told me she needs time to think about it.

I would like advice on if I should call her again today and tell her also that I was on hinge. Or should I take it to my grave. I feel guilty. Do I protect her from more heartbreak or do I have a 100% honest relationship? I will never do such thing again. But still don’t feel well having kept that part out. Should this be kept a secret forever?

Little backstory. We are dating for 8 months and have been in a long distance (9 hour time difference) for 3 weeks. I want a long term relationship and marry this girl, I understand it’s out of my hands at this point. But willing to do whatever she asks of me.

TL;RD I cheated on my gf with receiving and nudes on Snapchat, messaging girls on hinge, and watching porn. Only told her about the Snapchat nudes and porn. Do I confess fully, including hinge or take it to the grave?","1. Wrong sub.
2. If you're looking for judgement, then yes, YTA. Cheating = YTA. Always.
3. Come clean, unless you want to be even more of an AH."
AITAH for suggesting my pregnancy maybe to blame when my husband asked about my oily face?,"I (25f) went with my husband (25m) to the wedding of one of his cousins. I am 4 months pregnant. When I got in the car after the wedding, I was horrified when I saw my reflection. My face was super oily. My hair looked greasy. I felt gross. 

When I got home, my husband asked why my face is so oily. He asked if it has something to do with the food I ate. I suggested that maybe my pregnancy was to blame. He got annoyed with me. He said I'm trying to make him feel guilty by trying to link it to my pregnancy. Am I the asshole? ","NTA

Your husband sounds insecure. Producing extra oils is 100% a possibility while pregnant because of the extra hormones your body is producing."
AITAH for leaving my partner even though he was a good provider and a good dad? (long as fuck sorry),"AITAH for leaving my partner even though he was a good provider and a good dad? (long as fuck sorry)

I (F30) just left my partner T (M47). We lived together with my kids. On paper he looks like a dream which is why everyone has an opinion and why I’m sitting here wondering if I’m the asshole.

Yes he’s a good provider. He works. Pays bills. Handles responsibilities. Shows up financially. He’s also good with my kids. Loves them. Helps. Plays. Is involved. Gives stability. From the outside he looks like the exact kind of man you’re “supposed” to stay with.

But his mouth is slick as hell. And that mouth slowly destroyed me.

Before him I was in a VERY abusive relationship with the father of my two youngest kids. Not “toxic.” Not arguing. REAL abuse. Physical violence. Control. Fear. Survival mode every single day. I was hit. Threatened. Isolated. There were times I genuinely did not know if I was going to make it out alive. My kids saw shit they never should’ve and I carry that guilt constantly.

That relationship fried my nervous system. I have chronic PTSD. Loud voices. Aggressive tone. Threats even if they’re “jokes.” Sudden movements. Being cornered. Being laughed at when I’m scared. All of that sends me straight back. My body reacts before my brain does. I shake. Freeze. Panic. Dissociate. I don’t choose that. It just happens.

And T knew all of this from day one.

We literally got together because he heard my story. He listened. He was gentle. Patient. Empathetic. Told me he understood trauma. Told me he wanted to be a safe place for me and my said he’d never be that man. THAT is why I trusted him. That’s how this relationship even happened.

But slowly he stopped being that guy.

For MONTHS I tried talking to him about how he talks to me. His tone. The slick comments. The dismissiveness. The talking down to me when he’s annoyed. Every single time I tried it turned into “you’re too sensitive,” “you’re reading into it,” “I didn’t mean it like that,” or straight up defensiveness. Nothing ever changed.

Same shit with my kids. He would say “I’m not your mama I’ll whoop you.” He swears it’s a joke. It NEVER felt like one. It felt aggressive. Threatening. Especially for kids who already have trauma. I told him so many fucking times to stop. Explained why. Begged honestly. He kept doing it.

So no. I didn’t blindside him. I didn’t bottle shit up. I didn’t just wake up and leave. I TRIED. Over and over.

Then Saturday night happened and that’s where everything snapped.

He pretended to punch me. Fake punch. Stomped his foot. Got in my face. And my body went straight into full panic mode. I started shaking uncontrollably. I told him VERY clearly don’t ever fucking do that again.

And he laughed.

He LAUGHED while I was shaking.

That was it. Something in my brain shut off. I didn’t think. I didn’t debate. My body said nope. Not safe. Done. He knew my history. He knew my triggers. And he still thought it was funny.

So I left.

I sent a calm ass message saying I needed space, that I was moving back to my apartment full time, that what happened crossed a boundary, and that I needed time and distance to get grounded again. I literally asked him not to push back.

He said “ok sorry.”

That’s it.

Then it was just logistics. Key on the table. Are we done. Yes.

After I left I tried ONE last time to explain because I didn’t want shit twisted. I explained EXACTLY what changed for me. The fake punch. The stomping. The laughing. I explained PTSD like I was talking to a wall. Even used the fireworks and veteran analogy. I made it clear I wasn’t accusing him of wanting to hit me. My body reacts regardless.

His responses just proved my point.

He minimized it. Said it wasn’t that serious. Said he didn’t say what I felt he said. Said I was aggravating and picking on him. Said that’s just the type of person he is and I’m not. Said I might need medication if it’s “that bad.” Said he’s never been with someone with the issues I have. Said people normally work through issues and don’t move out. Said we both have faults.

So basically everything except accountability.

He even accused me of lying because I said I was running errands and later packed my shit. Like sorry I didn’t give you a fucking itinerary while my nervous system was on fire.

There were so many other moments too. I fell and busted my head and arm on concrete one day. Crying. Kids checking on me. Told him and all I got was “don’t go to sleep.” No comfort. No checking on me. Nothing. I showered and cried alone.

There were also slick comments about my heritage and my kids. Jokes about their names being too complicated. Jokes leaning into stereotypes. He says it’s humor. It felt disrespectful as hell.

And what really sealed it for me was after the breakup. I tried to meet up to exchange stuff. He said he had groceries in the car and didn’t want to sit there while I talked about things. Called it a “grip session.” Told me to stop being demanding.

That was the moment I went oh. Okay. This is who you actually are.

So I told him thanks for the clarity and that I know my place. And I blocked him.

Because being a good provider does NOT cancel out emotional harm. Being a good dad does NOT give you a pass to disrespect the mother. My kids don’t just need money and stability. They need to see their mom treated with softness and respect. They need to see boundaries honored. They need to see that love doesn’t come with fear.

Now everyone’s telling me I threw away a good man. That I should’ve been grateful. That nobody’s perfect. That I let my trauma ruin a good relationship.

But fuck that.

I know what my body felt like. I know what it feels like to shake and be laughed at. I know what it feels like to explain yourself until you’re blue in the face and still be dismissed.

So AITAH?

TLDR: Left my partner (T) even though he provides and is good with my kids because he dismissed my trauma, used threatening “jokes,” fake punched me and laughed when I panicked, talked down to me, minimized everything afterward, suggested medication instead of accountability, and made me feel emotionally unsafe. He knew my abusive past and was empathetic at first but changed. AITAH?","The first time I heard the statement "" he's a good man, he doesn't cheat or hit me"", I thought good God when did the bar get so low.

This is the case here. The man was/is emotionally abusive toward you. So not a good dad and money means nothing in this case.

NTA."
Wibtah if take our roommates nasty garbage she has piled up and put it in front of her door?,"
I (22 F) and my bf(23 M) live in a 3 story house with 6 other people and a new baby. 
We pay $1000 in rent for the downstairs livingroom area, no doors. Everyone else who pays something only pays $500. And they all have doors (mini rant over sorry) 
We live in the basement with a couple and their new baby. They have 2 rooms in fact. We share the downstairs bathroom. The woman that had the baby obviously is using pads and theirs baby diapers, that's all understandable.
It's a problem when it is literally packed into the corner between the counter and the toilet. Bloody pads and poopy diapers on the floor stacked up to the toilet lid. It's disgusting. They have been asked to clean it up, and actually tried to blame the pads on me, when (tmi) i use a diva cup, not pads. 
So I am petty and want to put some gloves on, unpack it all and place it all so very nicely in front of their door, no bag.
 I know I'll be sort of an asshole, and it will likely bring problems but im not a maid. So will I be a really bad asshole?

Edit: the baby was born at the end of November. The father wants the BM to leave so he can get back with his other BM. We are working on finding a place but it's $3000 down to get a freaking apartment. This also isn't the only instance of them just being a plain awful roommate. She uses my shampoo and conditioner, I've started taking it out of the bathroom. We are always buying the toilet paper. There was literally shit running down the toilet lid like 2 weeks ago and I told her I was not going to be the one to clean it up.",I can't get over the fact you're paying 1k a month for..a living room? And nothing else? The main assholes here seem to be you and your boyfriend for doing this to yourself . What even.
AITAH for making my husband pick up our daughter from school and take her home with him,"I F32 asked my husband M30 to pick our daughter F4.5 from school since he was leaving work early. He's not sick or anything he just ""doesnt want to be there"". I normally pick her up after school on Mondays and I have to bring her to my work with me since we're normally both still working when she's done. My work is pretty cool about it but I try not to take advantage of it. My husband works 2 miles from her school and has to basically drive by to go home so I asked him to just pick her up since he's leaving work and planning on going straight home. He got upset and asked if he could drop her off at my work and I told him I was pretty busy today and it would be super helpful if he could just take her home. He got upset and then stated that when I got home from work he has to leave and ""do stuff"". When i asked what he needed to do he didnt want to tell me and then said he needed to return things to home depot. I told him there is no reason why he wouldnt be able to do that before grabbing her or even while he has her as she loves doing things with her dad and he started ranting about not wanting to take her with him. Now he NEVER takes the kids alone to do anything. It is SO frustrating. He also stated he cant clean the house with her there and how im ruining his plans. He has probably gone to the store alone with the kids maybe 4 times. I literally have to do everything with the kids, even work. I work from home 2 times during the week to take care of other daughter 2F. I feel like I'm asking the bare minimum right now of parenting. AITH?",Bro your husband is acting like a child not a father. What kind of dad doesn't want to spend time with kids? Not cool man
AITAH for not wanting to do anything with my Dad’s sister after wha she did at my brother’s funeral?,"Long story short, my dad’s sister yelled at my mom and aunt (mom’s twin sister) for asking my brother’s abusers to not show up at my his burial after all that they did to him. She yelled right as my brother was being loaded into the hearse. I told my dad I wanted nothing to do with her and he keeps trying to mediate. It’s gotten to the point were I want to kick his ass (I’m bigger and stronger than him) as well as his bastard sister. Same goes for my brother’s abusers who btw my dad defends them despite everything they did to his own son. ","Leave your father with no uncertainty about what will occur if he doesn't stop trying to mediate (I can't say it any clearer on Reddit without getting banned), also, leave him with a clear understanding about what will occur if he defends your brother's abusers within earshot of you. 

You may have to demonstrate consequences at some point - when you do, do it immediately, and then... go on with your day as if nothing's occurred."
WIBTAH if I refuse to look after my granddaughter for 4 days?,"I have bipolar disorder and I have been in my current depressive episode for some time now.

I have been so unwell that my psychiatrist is doubling the dose of my medication weekly with the plan of starting ECT (electric shock treatment)in a couple of weeks if there has not been a significant improvement in my symptoms.

I told my daughter about this and she did not seem concerned other than the fact I would not be able to look after my granddaughter after school on treatment days because the treatment requires a general anaesthetic.

My husband also explained this to her.

At the weekend she announced that she was planning a long weekend abroad in a few weeks.

She did not ask if I could care for my granddaughter first.

I explained that this would clash with the potential treatments. She replied that her daughter did not need a lot of looking after.

I am struggling at the moment looking after my granddaughter and making her dinner after school as it is.

WIBTAH if I tell my daughter that she will have to make alternative childcare arrangements for her trip?",NTA. Your daughter sounds very inconsiderate
AITAH for threatening my partner with a breakup if he doesn’t take my business plan seriously?,"Edit: I understand that threatening to breakup with him was an asshole move. But everything else is too nuanced for you Redditors. Good day :)

My partner (M,30) and I (F,27) have decided we want to plan for our future. He has extensive experience in his field, he is a concrete service Foreman. He wants to get married and have children right now but I’ve discussed with him about my hesitancy because I do not believe that his current job will be enough to create a comfortable life for our children and their grandchildren. However, I do know that I want children with him in the future. I already have a child from another relationship and it has made it difficult for me to work a basic 9 to 5 type of job. I have very little support in terms of family and I did not yet attend college so although I don’t have much to show for in materials, I am very logical and intelligent. We’ve made an agreement that he would work on creating his own concrete business by doing small side jobs to start while I start taking classes. I’ve come to notice that he is really blase’ about the business idea and he lacks confidence in his ability to sustain a business. I speak good energy into him on a daily basis. I’ve taken the initiative to write out a rough draft of the business plan and he is changing the plan in ways that don’t make sense logically even though I’ve written it down and have gone through every detail with him. He just isn’t getting it. I will say he has trouble grasping deep concepts, but I feel his lack of acuity stems from his declining mental health. He tends to argue and focus on the negative things from the past and is not learning from his mistakes and moving forward with life. We had a lot of problems last year because of his inability to be accountable for the mistakes that he had made (talking to women behind my back). He finally had a eureka moment about 2 weeks ago and we had a few intense heart to heart conversations where he FINALLY took accountability for the way he had been treating me. We’ve been in a wonderful spot. But I feel he still lacks respect for me because he won’t take my business outline seriously (laughs at me, rolls his eyes, groans) when I discuss it with him and is dragging his feet. It’s making me question how he can say he loves me but then acts like this. Although I believe he may be depressed because he’s gone through a lot, at what point do I jump ship if the person I’m with keeps pulling me down and won’t change for the greater good? To me it represents his lack of actually wanting a future with me. Please help, all opinions are welcome and appreciated.",Leave this man alone. YTA for wanting to change somebody who doesn't want to change.
AITAH for not wanting to be with my ex.,"| 19M met this girl 17F in high school, and we became friends. She told me she was 15 when I was 16, and we just talked and hung out as friends for a long time. After graduation, we started to get closer, and eventually, we started dating. I really fell for her, and I thought we had something special. However, after a few months, she confided in me that she had lied about her age.
She's actually 17 now, and I'm 19. That means I was with someone who was still a minor the entire time. Honestly, I felt disgusted and disappointed we talked it out after about a month, and l've been rethinking whether I should pursue anything further. The thing is, she's still in school, and I'll be turning 20 soon, while she's still 17 for a few more months. I feel gross about the situation, and I'm unsure if I should keep a distance. She keeps saying it's only two years, and it's not a big deal, but I can't shake the feeling that it's wrong, especially considering the age difference and the fact that I will turn 20 while she's still 17 for some months. I also worry that I might have hurt her feelings by repeatedly rejecting her or pulling away. I genuinely care about her, but I'm conflicted about where to go from here. I just want to do what's right, both for myself and for her.

Edit: Over time, I even met her parents, and they knew about the age gap the whole time didn’t even care which is a shock to me.",Not sure if this is an AITAH post but you do you what is right for you & you alone. There's no point in staying in a relationship  that you are unhappy / uncomfortable in just so that the other person (who in this case lied to you about their age) is upset.
AITAH for blocking my ex-girlfriend,"So my ex has been on and off homeless for the better part of the time I’ve known her because of her family situation. She’s always had mental problems as well as addiction problems but I knew that going into it and was willing to try to make things work. The entirety of the relationship, she’d only spend about 10-15 minutes together every time we saw each other because of “family reasons,” she was letting “a friend,” a guy, stay with her when she was living at home and would constantly ask for money. We broke up after a few months because it felt like she’d get upset if I wouldn’t pay for whatever it was she needed money for.

Recently, we’d started talking on snapchat again and it turned out she was homeless…. Again. I told her that if I could afford to help her, I would try because I don’t want to see anyone I care about in that position. Well, I left my decent paying job in mid-October and didn’t have an offer for another until the beginning of December so money was and still is tight due to student loans and other bills. The other night on snapchat she sent out what I thought was probably a mass snap saying something along the lines of “f\*ck those of you who wouldn’t help me when I needed it. I’ll remember this.” And yesterday, I got a message in the dm’s saying “I’m done. Thanks for really being there because you “care” so much.” 

Now, I’d always felt like she was emotionally and financially abusive but also a huge narcissist. I finally reached my breaking point last night when I saw her sarcastic dm and blocked her. I can’t help but feel guilty now. So Reddit, AITAH?","NTA

You should have blocked her a while go, but hindsight huh? Move on from this dumpster fire. All she wants from everyone is a handout, not help."
AITAH for refusing to talk to my fiancee after she secretly replaced my wedding dress with a cheap copy to save her money?,"27M and 27F. Getting married in Feb. In our culture, the Groom buys bride's wedding dress, and the bride buys groom's wedding dress.

The groom's dress is called ""Sherwani"" and the bride's one is called ""Lehenga"". To keep things fair, the price range for their dress is decided in advanced.

We're a little sentimental for wedding clothes, decided to go on a higher end, chose a popular wedding attire brand. Did all the shopping together, she picked this lehenga of her choice and I also found a marvelous piece of Sherwani.

My choice was a little more expensive than hers, but it was still within the price range we had set. Both of us agreed, finalized the clothes. We didn't brought them home immediately, because they needed some customizations according to our body measurements.

She was supposed to pick my dress when it's ready after a few days and send it to my home around 1 month before the wedding.

I had to do the same thing too, and I did. I received my Sherwani from her 2 days ago. My whole family was excited, had a close look and multiple trials, when I realized that

Although it looks veryy similar, but it's not the dress which I picked. The quality is not up to the mark, stitching and finishing is nowhere as good as the one I had seen in the showroom.

There was no brand tag behind the collar too, at first I assumed that we got played by the seller. But I contacted her first, told her everything, and my planning of confronting the seller.

But she tried to make me believe that it's same, that she checked it before sending it to me, etc. Basically she got kinda restless when I was heIIbent on going to the showroom.

In the end she confessed that it's indeed not the same dress, but it's not the seller's mistake, basically she picked up a cheaper copy and sent it to me, because

Even though we had set same price range for our dresses, she ""presumed"" that my dress would be less costlier than hers, as women clothes are generally heavier, fancier here and she thought that the Sherwani I selected was good but not ""worth"" that price.

I asked her (in a lightly pissed tone) why she didn't share her views before the purchase, she had no solid answer. Just for clarity, we both earn decent and the price range was mutually fixed. She frequently spends on what I feel are expensive make-up products.

I picked up the dress and went to her home, showed her how different it is from the original, how disrespectful, heartbreaking and trust breaking it is to secretly change your partner's wedding dress just to save some cash.

(I see no reason other than her being stingy for doing this to me). I was super disappointed, left that dress at her place and came back home. We had no contact since then, I believe she's the one very wrong here, so she should reach me out.

My family was initially hurt too, but now they've started to say to not ""overreact"" as it might come to our wedding. AITA I'm still taking my stand.",NTA. I think you have some hard decisions to make on whether this is someone you want to marry.
WIBTAH for blocking my neighbor,"For context, I've been staying in my apartment for close to two years and in those earlier years when I recently moved in, a situation occurred where my then neighbors came to my aid and I wouldn't say ve became close but there was some sort of riendship. Along the way, I got to know some of heir friends from when I'd visit their apartment but I Iways kept my distance. Around September, I started getting closer to a friend of theirs, who's now moved in because they've moved out of the apartment. We'll call him dog. So one night my gas finishes while I'm cooking and I have to borrow dogs gas. This was the day he got my number to call me if he needed the gas at any point in time. I go to school and I have a faulty heater so I boil water every morning for my bath. We start talking and things are good. Dog is a nice guy and we quickly become friends. I start going over to his apartment mainly because he cooks and invites to eat. Towards the new year, I noticed a change in his behavior. Not really a change but that he was becoming chummy, like coming close to my face or ear to ask me questions like, if I wanted to eat now, sending suggestive messages and such. My suspicion that he had feelings for me at was one point where he made a comment about not asking me out on a date yet. He said this and just brushed over it and I'm not the type of person to drag something out so I didn't say anything. Come new year and he sends a message that everyone thinks is from my boyfriend.

Now this is my que to shut it down. So I question him about the way he referred to me and he says he refers to all his friends like so. Hmm. I draw a line and leave it at that. But we keep things civil until days later he texts to tell me he has feelings for me.

ATP I'm sorta lost because I know that he's lying.

My flatmate who also speaks to him had a conversation with me about how she feels uncomfortable with him and is planning on keeping her distance but doesn't know how to go about without it seeming awkward. With her too, he's said he's quote that way with all his female friends but it's one thing to be a nice guy and literally over do it to the point where it's uncomfortable. Just yesterday, he bought some stuffs for us and we took it even though we were uncomfortable. For what it's worth, this man is much older or so we've ruled out because he has a daughter although unmarried. So my question now, WIBTAH if I suddenly block dog and stop speaking to him which I plan on doing I but gradually to avoid any conflict because like I've said, we're neighbors and both I and my flatmate are on speaking terms with his friends and flatmate.",[ERROR]
AITAH if I like my guy BSF?,"Edit: forgot to add some other details.
 
I (19f) am friends with a guy  (19m). Let’s call him Gary (not real name).

I met him in November of 2025 and we became friends over some funny circumstances but we instantly clicked and became close. My friend , let’s call her Mona (not real name) also met him at the same time I did and she also befriend him.

During December him and I got really close , everyday texting, staying up on calls, etc. I started to get attached to him and finding some of his interests and behaviour cute. He’s nerdy , really into marine biology , likes anime like I do. He recently got me into pokemon as well. 

Now the reason why I think I might be an asshole is that, my friend Mona had texted me in mid-December asking me if I liked him because she liked him as well.
I panicked and said “no not really, I don’t think so” because:
1. I’ve never had a crush on anyone before at ALL , so I was very confused and conflicted about my feelings because I couldn’t tell if I liked him or if he was an FP (favourite person for someone who has BPD which I do)
2. I can’t date, so I felt bad that it would be selfish of me to let her back off when I can’t even be with him (I’m conservative muslim)

It’s January now and I feel like he’s slowly started to not text me as often or enjoy talking to me. Hes been leaving me on seen sometimes, rarely sends me reels (all of this he used to do back in December) 
Tried to hang out with him but a last minute family errand  made the plans not work out (I feel like deep down , he made it up not to hang out with me)
He’s always mentioning Mona in all our conversations, like for example:
“Mona and I are going to hang out tmrw”
“Mona and I got matching pokemon cards”
“Mona is gonna be at xyz event”
And it’s slowly eating at me even though I know I have no right to be upset.
Maybe it’s because I know that he probably likes her. she’s very pretty and I’m not conventionally attractive or someone’s type (I wear a hijab also don’t wear make up) <not tryna fish for compliments or anything just giving real context>

So am I the asshole for still having feelings for him? 
And how do I get rid of these feelings, I really don’t want to lose him as friend or lose Mona.
","NTA - You aren't an asshole for any of it, feelings are feelings. 

At the end of the day you said you werent into him, admitting you lied now would cause real friction."
AITAH for calling CPS on my SIL?,"I (28F) have been married to my husband for 8 years. His oldest sister (“Kim”) has four kids (ages 5–10). Their grandma feeds and takes care of them most days. Kim receives food benefits for the kids.

Recently, Kim sold all of her food benefits and bought no groceries. After arguing with their grandma, she took the kids home. The next day she brought them back, and the kids were crying and said they were hungry — they had only eaten a bowl of ramen the night before.

I felt this crossed into neglect and called CPS. Now most of the family is angry and says I should have stayed out of it because it’s a “family matter.” This caused tension between my husband and his mom.

AITAH for getting involved? ",NTA. Putting the needs of children first is not a ‘family matter’ IMO. It is a moral compass. What is she selling her food assistance for? What else may be hidden in this situation?
WIBTAH: canceled date due to poor sleep?,"I (29F) have been talking with this guy, ""Bob"" for a couple days on Bumble.  He's seems quirky and cute and loves books more than I do. He lives at least an hour out the way, I'm physically disabled, (I've told him) and I even think he's autistic.

I make a point not to cancel last minute as no one likes being stood up, (we meet for coffee today at 5) but I have bad insomnia. I didn't Sleep AT ALL last night.  Literally wide awake. 
Would I be the AH if I canceled before 5? Should I just go? ","If you really do need to cancel that’s fine, but tell him you want to reschedule at the same time or he might think you’re making excuses to not see him. 
Just be truthful on why, and reschedule for sometime soon. 

Stuff like this happens. If he has an issue with that then red flags found and avoided before the start. But if he is patient and understanding then green flags from the start."
AITAH for getting irritated while shopping?,"I (F20) went shopping with my mom and aunt for some clothes at boutiques. While shopping, the sales lady forced me to go try on some garments which I didn’t like, and told my aunt and mom about it when I came out. I specifically used the words that X product isn’t good, it’s not doing what it’s supposed to do. 

Now, before the next part, I get irritated quickly while shopping, especially when my boundaries are crossed. I hate it when people show me things i’ve explicitly not asked for, and I usually have clear ones in terms of cuts and colors. 

I understand I shouldn’t have insulted the product in front of the sales lady, but I wasn’t sure how else to communicate my thoughts to my mom. When i did so, she told me to shut up, and went on shopping. I decided I didn’t want anything, and while my mom was still shopping, the sales lady kept on showing me more products, which I said I didn’t want and wasn’t going to buy. 

After we left the shop, I sat in the backseat of the car and quiet because I felt angry inside and didn’t want to hurt others, while my mom started complaining about me to my aunt, about how i’ve done this for years and for no reason. i’ve previously told my mom exactly what makes me angry but ig she’s valid. I’m probably the asshole till this point but then they started making fun of me like ohh she’s so angry you can’t make her do anything and ohh she’s so perfectionist the whole world would stop working if people were like her. we stopped for dinner and i accidentally ordered the wrong thing which i was fine with eating and told my companions so, but they still said things like ohhh we better order the correct thing because she’s so moody.

Idk. I feel like I could have been nicer to the sales people even thought i didn’t yell or change my tone, but was my aunt and mothers reaction warranted? AITAH? ","Ehh, YTA. I get becoming irritated, but by 20 you should have figured out how to politely decline with the salesperson and say you don't need assistance. A simple ""if I need you, I'll let you know"" would suffice."
WIBTAH if I tell my neighbor's clients about the guy coming to her house?,"I live in a townhouse. My neighbor, who I share a wall with, runs an in-home daycare. I don't really care because her operating hours don't overlap with my sleep schedule. She is open Mon-Fri from 7AM to 6PM. I work Sun-Wed and have to get up at 2:30AM for work. When her last kid leaves there is usually no noise, and I am able to sleep from 6:30 to 2:30 completely uninterrupted. So it really doesn't bother me that she's there! This isn't me trying to create problems for her. Thursdays and Fridays I am usually out running errands, and when I'm hope the noise isn't truly that distracting. If it is I just put on some music.

My concerns began a month ago. It's just her and her daughter that work at the daycare. I noticed that her daughter was being dropped off by a guy in the mornings, probably a new boyfriend, none of my business. He would drop her off and leave, but then after all the kids had arrived, he would come back. Like I said, I'm not always home on my days off, but I slowly noticed a pattern. Guy drops daughter off at 5:30-5:45. Guy returns around 9:30-10. Guy leaves at 3:30. Parents start trickling in to pick up their kids at four. Latest dropoffs seem to be at nine.

I'm torn here because it seems obvious to me that he is concealing his presence from these parents. However, I could be wrong. It could be that he is just trying to keep out from underfoot during high traffic times. It could also be that he has stuff to do during those times. It also seems silly that they'd be keeping him a secret, because wouldn't the kids say something to their parents?

So I'm torn. Half of me thinks I should say something to one of the parents about the guy. The other half thinks I should not be interfering with my neighbor. Everytime I think I definitely should pick one option I think of a dozen reasons to pick the other. I keep thinking it's harmless to say something if nothing is going on, but I don't want to start a fued with my neighbor. My neighbor on the other side of me already thinks I'm am asshole because I won't let him use my parking spot. I don't want two neighbors to think I'm an asshole. I'd probably have to move.","He spends all day in that house during day care hours and conveniently leaves when the parents are picking up their kids? I would be pissed if i had kids she was looking after wtf is he doing all day there. Is he employed by your neighbour if so why leave before parents pick up the kids? Ask one of the parents casually if they employed a new male worker recently. 

A woman used to babysit children for parents…. Allowed her bf to be present when she was doing this. Then left a child she was babysitting in her bf care because she had to run an errand. Came back baby was “sleeping” so the bf told her. Hours go by she wants to wake baby up finds the kid was dead. Parents need to always know who is around their kids."
AITAH for cutting off two friends after they betrayed my trust and caused ongoing drama?,"Hi Reddit, I’m going through a tough situation with two former friends, and I’m not sure if I did the right thing. I’m in college and have been friends with them for a few years.

One of my ex best friends started posting really hurtful things about me on social media. He used offensive language, made personal attacks about how I look, and even shared drawings that made fun of my insecurities. I only found out because someone else told/showed me (It was on his private story). He was ignoring me, and I tried to ignore him after finding out, but he gave a vague excuse for ignoring me, saying he was tired. During that time, he made those posts and said that if that someone hadn’t told me, none of this would of happened. He gave me a gift to apologize but never actually talked to me about what he did.

Things got worse when the another ex-friend offered to be a “spy” to see what the first ex-friend was saying behind my back. They wanted to be a “middleman” and stay neutral, but they didn’t and started to side with the ex friend. They accessed a friend’s social media account without permission not once but a few times, even after being asked multiple times to log out. They read private group chats that they weren’t a part of and shared what they found with the ex friend, causing gossip and misunderstandings that kept the drama going. When confronted, they admitted to accessing the account but said they ""didn’t trust us"" and thought we were talking behind their back instead of taking responsibility.

After we had a conversation online where we agreed to stop communicating and set boundaries, this ex-friend messaged me but then ran to their friends saying they were relieved and denying that they targeted me. They asked the friend whose social media account they logged into if they were okay, which caused my friend to panic and say yes. Then the ex-friend seemed confused about why I was more upset than my friend about the situation. That felt like they were minimizing and avoiding/not acknowledging what they did.

Because of all this, I cut ties with both of them. I still see them around often, which makes things harder. AITAH for ending these friendships after everything that happened?",You’re asking if you’re the AH for ending relationships with two backstabbing lying losers who secretly hated you while pretending to be your friend? Are you serious?
AITAH for giving my siblings baked goods for Christmas?,"Hi this is the first time I’ve done this and I’m only doing this cause this has been bothering me, i am a 34 year old male, I have 3 siblings one older sister +1 years older than me, 2 younger brothers -3 and -4 years younger than me, my sist has 2 kids one daughter 10 yrs and a son 5 yrs my middle brother has a son that’s 3, this Christmas when we went gift shopping we tried to be personal for the kids, and get them each something we thought they’d love, my niece got a loungefly? The Disney back packs, I think that’s what it’s called, back pack Pokémon themed with here favorite pokemon, eevee and all its eevelutions, my older nephew we got him a monster cop truck cause he absolutely loves both monster truck and cops, he always makes me go say hi to cops whenever we see one and I’m watching him, and my youngest nephew and construction toy set that lights up and makes noises, my dad got a cheese board from mooville, and my mother also got a loungefly bag, now my siblings, they got baked goods, my GF who I’ll add, got up at 2:30 am to go to work, and didn’t get home till 6-7pm ish decided she’d bake cookies for my siblings, she baked multiple types of cookies both Christmas Eve night and Christmas morning for them, from peanut butter chocolate chip to no bakes to sugar cookies, and each sibling got an equal assortment of these cookies, we get to Christmas and we’re having a good time watching the kids open presents, I even talked to my sister about taking my niece to universal with us cause her and I are big Harry Potter fans and from the same house, HUFFLEPUFF!!!!, and reminded my youngest brother I was still gunna take him to the movies, we’d already planned on going because a movie we both wanted to see had just come out, at the end of the day my GF and I went home happy and full, but the next day I got the message that really set me off, from my mother and I quote,”So. (Sister) kinda feels she go the short end of the stick… getting cookies. You gave (niece) and I kick ass bags, taking (youngest brother) to movies, got dad a cool food basket, the boys both got trucks they liked (not as cool as the bags but still cool) lol….. and she got cookies….

She had no money and everyone go the same thing

And I reminded her that ALL my siblings got the same gift and she commenced to argue with me about it, she kept trying to get me to see it “from her perspective” in the end my GF and I decided, and told my mother, that from now on every sibling niece and nephew would only be getting a card from us

Am I the asshole here?",Whoever complained get them nothing next Christmas.
AITAH for wanting to walk on my treadmill when my partner and I watch tv at night?,"My (37m) partner (30f) and I live pretty busy lives. Some of the most reliable and consistent time we spend together is spent watching a tv show together before we go to bed. I’ve been trying to exercise more, and I recently got a treadmill. Sometimes after I get home from work and finish doing everything I need to do, I’m just finding that I don’t have that much time to exercise.

I feel like my mental health has taken a hit. This time of year is hard for me. Anyway, I started walking on my treadmill during the time that my partner and I normally watch tv together. I told her that I’d still like to watch tv, I’ll just be on the treadmill now, but she said that she likes to snuggle with me, and it’s not the same experience if I’m on the treadmill. She said it doesn’t feel as much like we’re sharing something together. She also said it’s loud and it makes it so we have to turn up the volume on the tv.

Anyway, I said that it’s important to me to exercise, and that this is one of the only times that I feel like can, and that I was sorry I didn’t check in with her first about it. She got upset and I ended up moving my treadmill to the basement and now for the past week, we’ve been spending even less time together.

I’m in my head about the whole thing. I want to be able to spend more time together, but I’ve really been feeling like I need to take the time. AITAH? Should I try to somehow fit the time in elsewhere? I have a long commute to work and leave at 6:30am and am not back until 6:00pm a lot of the time.

  
Update: thanks for all your responses, everyone. To answer some of your questions, I go on the treadmill for about an hour at a lower speed/higher incline, so it works well for about one episode of a show.  This would be right before bed for both of us, so I see what the person means saying this affects her routine too and how someone being on a treadmill is not relaxing. 

As for time, it takes a little while to get ready for work, and to get a full 8 hours—which we both try to do—we really have to be finishing the show by about 8:30pm, which leaves me with only 6-7:15 or so to do all the stuff in the evening I need to do—feed the cats, make/eat dinner, etc. Compromising would be the best thing, seriously, but it just doesn’t feel like there’s enough time for everything. ","NAH

It seems like there's room for compromise here. If you get home at 6, you have 4ish hours before you need to go to bed. Can you exercise for 30 minutes right when you get home and then spend the rest of the evening together? Or spend part of your TV time exercising and the rest cuddling?

It doesn't need to be one or the other."
AITAH for being impatient on a girl’s trip?,"Before the flight there, she was late about an hour after our agreed meeting time to the airport to check in. Didn’t end up being a big deal because we still had plenty of time to wait to board, plus our flight kept getting delayed, I kept a mental note she’s not punctual for most things we plan so I intentionally said to meet a couple hours before the flight. During the trip we were late to literally all reservations, had ubers waiting, missed trains, and didn’t get out the hotel until 12pm waiting for her to be ready. Everyone that was invited would be ready on time waiting for her. At this point it was getting on my nerves, but I didn’t say anything because it was her birthday and if the pace she’s moving at was satisfying to her then so be it. I would’ve been said something if this was a regular trip, but we’re going by her itinerary. 

Fast forward to going home, we need to check out of the hotel. I packed my bag the night before and slept in my airport outfit so I can just get up and go (flight was at the crack of dawn). I suggested she do the same because we’re running on 3 hours of sleep. She insists she’ll be able to get her things ready when she wakes up and before check out. We miss our first uber back to the airport because she’s scrambling getting her things together. We get to the airport and luckily flight was delayed. We have a connecting flight and we basically had 20 minutes to off board the first plane to the second. I tell her since we were group C, we need to run to this gate in order to be on time, the next flight wasn’t until 10 hours later. (I refused to wait for the next flight I was ready to go home!!) Our gate was across the airport, I encouraged her to start jogging to the gate but she had no sense of urgency. Our plane status was literally “boarding”. I start running I turn around and she’s down the hall. I’m so confused why she’s walking and I say “WE’RE GONNA MISS OUR FLIGHT COME ON” because I’d really be the AH if I left her! 

We get on the plane and we’re re the last ones to board. There was a family being held back at the boarding gate and that was probably the only reason they didn’t close yet. Since everyone boarded already, we had to sit apart. I was super anxious at this point and didn’t say anything until we landed. When we touched down, I told her I’m glad we made it and I hope she enjoyed her birthday and the activities she planned. We let off on a good note.

3 days later she texts me a wall of words saying how my tone when boarding the flight made her feel uncomfortable and she don’t want to bring it up earlier because we were having a good time. I mentioned her lack of urgency, how I tried to nicely encourage her to pick up the pace, and how it’d be an AH move for me to board the plane without her so that’s why I was hurrying her. All of this was making me pretty nervous I admitted and I wouldn’t be surprised if you could hear it in my voice. She reiterated how she didn’t appreciate my tone and did not acknowledge any of what I said. I apologized for being short with her and how my actions offended her but looking back am I really the AH??","Honestly, I probably would have left her. Why should you miss your flight because she can't be on time? You need to be honest with her if you want any chance of maintaining this friendship."
AITAH for being uncomfortable  with GF sleeping in same bed as non-binary friend this week?,"my GF told me last week that she was gonna spend the day and then sleep at her friends house where they’d be sleeping in the same bed, to which I assumed was a female friend. Come that day she casually  slipped in that her friends (biologically F) is identifying as a M and is attracted to F, which I didn’t know prior to that moment. AITAH for being uncomfortable with her sleeping in the same bed as someone attracted to F and not telling me about it? I feel like it should at least been discussed as I feel she would be uncomfortable if I slept in the same bed as someone attracted to M independent of gender?","How did sleeping in the same bed become the only option? No spare bed, mattress or couch available?"
AITAH for refusing to pay my parents rent,"I would like to start by saying, yes i understand the rise of entitled children in my generation. i understand that entitled people are obnoxious. so let me know if i am being entitled.

I don’t exactly know where to start since my flip-out was caused by years of frustration.

i am a broke 19 year old college student who does online college courses, that i pay out of pocket for. i have no financial help from my parents at all. to afford this, i work full time as a technician in a doctors office.

my dream was to go to school in florida. i didn’t go because my parents heavily advised me not to. whether it be guilt tripping ab me “leaving them when they’ve always been there for me”, telling me i’d never survive by myself, or just them being openly downright angry with me. i am a people pleaser, and i do love my parents, so i gave in and agreed to do a local community college until further notice.

I pay for my own transportation to work, i buy my own groceries, i pay my own phone bill, pay for all my necessities, along with paying the huge bill of school.

my parents make a lot of money. a lot of it. i however have never seen a dime of it, and i don’t expect to. it’s not mine, i didn’t work for it, im not owed it. however they want to charge me rent.

my parents have always been such helicopter parents. they have always gone through my phone (which stopped a few months before turning 19), they’ve always gone through my room, and interrogated me about EVERYTHING. this week i told my dad i didn’t want him going through my room, and requested he didn’t. it feels like an invasion of privacy as i am an adult. in hindsight i can see the entitlement, since it isn’t my house even if it is technically my room. however he met me with anger saying he was going to search my room since im “clearly hiding something.” this caused me to be angry but what rly pushed me over the top was what transpired the next day.

i wear fake eyelashes. some people hate them, some people love them. i personally love them. my dad hates them. he continues to say that they look terrible and i’m not allowed to wear fake eyelashes so long as i live under his roof. well my boyfriend surprised me and took me to get my lashes professionally done. i did not decline as i was excited! the next morning my dad notices and flips out. he tells me they look terrible yada yada yada. he accuses me of spending my money on things that aren’t necessary. i told him i didn’t pay for them, my boyfriend did. he accuses me of lying and demands to see my bank account and he wants to see my savings. this enraged me because again, he’s overstepping. it’s not his business. maybe it’s because my frontal lobe isn’t quite developed, but i feel as though i have my life together. he does not need to worry about the money i work hard to earn.

i storm out the door and yell “i can’t stand you!” before heading to work.

he texts me and tells me that because of this he’s writing up a contract for rent to live in his house.

i told him id move out before paying him rent to live in a home with the smallest room, helicopter parents, a curfew of 10 pm as an almost 20 year old, and no privacy. he’s accusing me of being stubborn and entitled. AITAH?",Just move in with your boyfriend.
WIBTAH????,"Would I be the asshole if I left my partner because his deliberately choosing to do things his way only and no one else? 

Hi reddit, I think I need a different perspective regarding my situation.

I'm sorry that this may be a bit long but I'm going try and explain everything so it all makes sense.

I 26 (f) and my partner 26 (m) have been together for the past 7 and approach our 8th year anniversary in April.

When we first started dating, things were lovely and I was very transparent regarding my beliefs and how I felt about marriage and having kids out of wedlock and because of the church I was attending at at the time had strong values that would have consequences should they be broken. We spoke about these and agreeed that before we have kids we'd be married and by then we both weren't working but we were staying together in a rental.

4 years into our relationship i got pregnant and I reminded him of our agreement and he said that he would honor his promise to marry me before I gave birth as this was very important to me, but that didn't happen - instead I was given a list of reasons why he wasn't able to at the time, we lost the baby as I gave birth prematurely at home due to many other reasons.

Then we tried to pick up the pieces but realized that he'd been lying to me about his healing process. This caused a huge rift between us I felt lied to and more alone than I was before. We took some time apart but worked things out again.

During our 5th year together my partner lost his dad due to high jacking gone wrong. This was a very fragile time for both of us as I had taken his father as my own and vise versa, however he was especially affected. A few months afterwards I asked once again when he planned for us to get married? he said that he would like to honor the promise he made to his father to pay a bridal price for me then we'll get married legally. This came as a shock to me because this was not something we had agreed on this would be him breaking a promise he made to me 5 years ago however I couldn't disagree much to it as it was something he discussed with his father. 

Fast forward 6 years into our relationship we were blessed with a beautiful daughter that we both love dearly, I gave birth in November and in December he brought his uncles to meet my family and start the lobola negotiations (bridal price) of which we're a success and all went well. 

It's now 7 years into our relationship and we're still not married legally. When I ask him when we would get married there's is no response or we just end up fighting cause it comes across as if I'm not appreciative of the fact that he has paid the bridal price rather that I still insist on getting legally married.

I think I have been patient for way to long and I have been overlooked, unthought of and that his disregard my beliefs.

So I just need to know whether would I be an asshole if I left this relationship as I feel like he doesn't consider me or my beliefs? ","NTA. Kindly, OP, you have been an AH to yourself and should leave. You deserve much much better and I hope you get it after healing from this."
AITAH for insulting my best friend in front of my friend,"My friend(17M) P , bsf U (18M) and I (17F) we're talking in a group chat last night about scheduling a meetup for them cause my bsf and I have only been friends for just over a year but P has known me since I was 10 and so U wanted to know about something from my past that I am honestly too traumatized too talk about. The discussion was supposed to be serious ig but we all ended up joking around a lot in between all of this and insulting each other as a joke (U didn't insult me) well we were talking about them meeting irl next Friday in school to talk but U had issues cause he might need to use the toilet during the Convo and so it would be better for him to talk on call instead but P said he can't talk about these things at home ( because of his parents) and the Convo would take a long time so I as a joke told U to just wear a diaper or something and just meet on Friday cause there was no other solution i could see.

 They went back and forth for a while but really landed nowhere cause they were just fooling around the whole time it was late at night by that point to i just went to sleep. Uwakes up in the afternoon so we didn't really talk since morning and then he was busy so we really didn't talk till like 5 in the evening. 

That is when he told me that he was insulted by my words the other day and he did know why I would insult him by joking about him like that In front of P . I really didn't think much of it at the time i never thought he would get hurt by that joke and now I'm wondering if I am the asshole in this situation 

Something similar happened a few months ago when again a lot of our classmates were in group setting and we were joking around about him having a son( a tradition in my culture where people of the neighborhood or friends drop off a statue of a god to a newly married couples house as a sign of being blessed by a child) and I was quite for the most part but at some point added a comment that he said hurt him cause he always depends me when someone talks shit about me. He was mad at me for some time but i apologized and said I wouldn't do it again even though it truely was Unintentional both times

Ps. P and I dated for 2-3 months when we were 13/14 but broke up soon after and have been friends ever since. 

He now says that I am embarrassing myself by insulting my present in front of my past ","I think it's normal to joke around with friends, but sometimes it can cross a line without realizing it. If you apologize and clarify that it wasn't meant seriously, he might understand. It might help to be more aware of his boundaries in the future, especially with sensitive topics."
WIBTAH if I address a situation I acted ok with at the time due to feeling blindsided and put on the spot?,"I 28F learned new info about my BF 29M relationship with his best friend 29F and now I don’t know what to think.

I recently spent Christmas with my boyfriend’s family in his home town, he has a best friend who still lives in said home town.

I want to preface this by saying my issue isn’t (or should I say wasn’t) that he has a female friend, that I was totally fine with, until I received new information.

We’ve been dating for just over a year now and I’ve known right from the very beginning of our relationship that he had a female best friend, he was very open about that (or so I thought) and he reassured me at the time that it was platonic, that she had a type and he was not it (although now that I think about that statement more in depth, it makes it sound like him not being ‘her type’ is the only thing holding him back) they text each other  every few days, schedule calls to talk, calls which sometimes last hours, and tell each other they love each other. Again, all of which I was ok with, it would be pretty hypocritical not to be! I text my friends every other day, I don’t call them as much but that’s because we live so close (he lives far from her) and I tell my friends I love them too.

My issue now is that during my first ever meeting with this girl it came up in conversation that they first met on a date. Which he obviously neglected to tell me. I found out this information while sitting in front of this girl. I found out that they went on 2 dates before she said that she didn’t really feel *it*, to which (according to their account) my boyfriend agreed with and they decided to be friends.

Now that I know their initial meeting was in a romantic context it’s given me a lot more to think about. My main concern is that he actually does have feelings for her but agreed with her when she said she didn’t to save face, and at this point is willing to essentially settle for friendship just to keep her in his life. This worry is compounded by the fact that he didn’t tell me that they had dated despite having ample opportunity to do so.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? If so how did you address it without sounding jealous or insecure or starting a fight? 

WIBTAH for bringing my feelings up now a few weeks after the meeting and after acting ok with it at the time due to feeling put on the spot?
",You're never the AH for talking about the way you feel. Hope it goes well!
AITAH for yelling at my mil for not training her dog,"Background: live with my mil. Her and I have a 15 month lease together because I felt bad about her situation at the time. My husband has been away due to personal reasons I don’t wish to get into but he cannot have his phone 90% of the time. So therefore makes communication hard. He is coming back this Thursday! He is not on the lease yet since we moved while he was away and will be added to the lease.

What happened: my mil let’s call her Kay! Kay has a pit lab mix dog! He is super friendly and sweet but sadly I am allergic. Therefore I have to push him off me gently or tell him no to licking me. I have to keep him out of my room and it gets annoying to have to continue doing these things but it’s whatever. He never listens to me and refuses to go on walks unless he has deemed it as an emergency. Kay’s dog (we will call him boy)! Boy loves toys just as much as the next doggo which I have 0 problems with. What I do have a problem with is that he steals my stuff and destroys it. I don’t mean a hole or two or chewed up. I mean torn apart within minutes!!! He will purposely go into my room and grab something and run with it when I see him in my room. I have to yell at him to give me what he stole back and he gets upset. He steals my cat’s toys (which stay in my room to make sure he doesn’t steal them) and destroys them. Now a lot of people would tell me to shut my door but if I do then my cat has nowhere to run when he chases after her and I can’t lock her in because homegirl needs to use the bathroom and eat too. When he first started this I was nice and asked Kay to train boy to not steal my belongings. She said no. And that he just wants to play. She told me I should keep my belongings out of where he can get them. I thought that was extremely unfair but until he got trained I had to put a lot of stuff away. He stopped stealing stuffed animals for a week or two but he decided to start stealing my blankets and putting holes in one of them! I asked Kay again if she would at least take him to one of those free training sessions. She said no and told me she doesn’t think he took the blanket. (I wasn’t home for 3 days and this blanket was originally on my bed and web I came home in the living room with holes in it) I told her she owed me a new blanket and she brushed it off. When my husband came home for Christmas I explained to him what was going on and he said when he gets back he will be talking to his mother. Not only about her behavior but about boy as well. After my husband left boy decided to start jumping on me and scratching me. He even bit me. This is all in front of her may I add! She keeps saying “hims boy just wants to playyy”. There is no corrective measures being placed. But a babied voice with lots of pets. Now jump to today. We went shopping for yk food and stuff! And I came home to a pair of ear muffs my grandpa gave to me before he died. They were DESTROYED. I yelled as loud as I could at that dog and finally broke down crying. Kay then yelled at me saying I shouldn’t have had them out. They were in my closet on a hook. The door was shut! And I take a photo and a video of me shutting all doors and turning off all candles and tvs to make sure I don’t forget anything. I thought I was smart. She is saying that I yell at him everyday and she’s sick of me blaming everything on boy. She told me to get a baby gate but I sleep walk and that is VERY dangerous. I told her that and she still told me to do it. I got a baby gate but it didn’t fit so I returned it. And today she twisted and completely dismissed my feelings and what I was saying. I was literally holding these ear muffs that were so precious to me bc of the sentimental value and I was begging her to get him trained. I said I would pay for it. I said I would train him myself. But she kept telling me that I was the problem. And that I keep blaming everything on boy. My room has 0 of my personality or decorations because of me trying to protect my belongings. I don’t have pillows out until bed now and all my blankets are put on at bedtime too now. I have 0 of my stuffed animals and nothing is out and about. I put everything in boxes in my closet. I did install little hooks in my closet though so I can hang my ear muffs and gloves ext. I yelled at Kay. I told her she was in the wrong and I shouldn’t have to change my ENTIRE life for her. She then said she’s gonna keep boy in her room till I move out. Which is unfair to him. I may not like him the best but I still care about animals and their comfort. She then said that it’s what I am telling her to do and kept twisting me being upset that her dog wouldn’t stop destroying my stuff. This isn’t the first keepsake he has fully destroyed either. This was just the final straw with me. She called me an asshole and I went and cried my heart out. Something that meant so much to me that I loved using gone. My grandpa passed away in 2015 and I am unable to even find these ear muffs since it was a birthday present. Idk where he got them. Me and her have been having problems like this a lot. She also gets mad when I have decorations out or anything and tells me she doesn’t like them. So today I took all of my stuff down and kept her stuff up. I feel drained and idk what to do. AITA for screaming at my mil? And what do I do?","Didn’t read all of this- you need to get a baby gate with a cat door on it for your bedroom. Keeps the dog out but gives cat freedom of movement. Of those are too expensive, get one of the cheap  pressure mounted ones and when you put it in the doorway- give about 4-6 inches of clearance from the floor. Cat will go in and out. 

You are likely NTA. I would low key train the dog just to be TA and let her be pissy when the dog adopts me- but I’m not allergic and have too much time on my hands."
AITAH for choosing a BTS concert in a different city (and possibly VIP) instead of going with my friends?,"Hi, this is a throwaway account.

I (23F) have two close friends I met in college. We became especially close because of BTS. One of them actually introduced us to BTS, so this group means a lot to all of us.

BTS just announced tour dates in two different cities in my country. One option would be very expensive for me (flights, hotel, time off work, etc.). The other city is much more accessible: cheaper tickets and no need for flights or hotels.

The problem is that I’m the only one with a fan membership needed for the presale, so I feel a lot of pressure and responsibility. One friend and I have traveled together for concerts before, but my other friend has more limitations right now and realistically might not be able to go.

After thinking about it a lot, I’m leaning toward choosing the more accessible city and securing my own ticket first. If possible, I’d also like to get a VIP ticket, since my mom offered to help me pay for it as a gift. This likely means I wouldn’t attend the same show as my friends, and the friend who introduced us to BTS might not be able to go at all.

I feel really guilty and worry this could look like I’m abandoning my friends or choosing a VIP experience over them. At the same time, forcing myself into the more expensive option out of guilt feels irresponsible and could lead to resentment.

So:

MITA for prioritizing the option that works best for me?

What would you do if you were in my place?

And if you were my friend, how would you feel about this?


Thanks for any perspective.




Edit: Thanks everyone for all the support, it helps me to choose going alone with my possibilities 🫶🏻","NTA! you have the membership, you're doing the booking, and you're going to want to enjoy the show! Choose what works best for you!

Hope you enjoy the concert :D"
AITAH for expecting my sahm wife to do majority of the housework since i pay 100% of the bills?,"I work 40hrs a week and my wife stays home. She decided she wanted to be a sahm, and despite me not agreeing, she did it anyway. I told her dual-income was better because if one of us lost our jobs we'd still be okay, but she said she didn't want to ""miss out"" on her son's elementary years. 

She has a 10yo son and i have no kids. We've been married for a year and together for three. Recently, i heard her complaining to her sister on the phone that i just get home and immediately start playing video games. I later confronted her about it, and she said she expects me to do 50% of the household labor. I disagreed, because on top of my 40hr job, i also handle 100% of the finances and 100% of the car and house maintenance like cutting the yard, trimming trees, or when something breaks. 

She says she's carrying alot of mental load, and i told her i am too. She seems to think hers is more than mine, but again, i disagree. We just booked an appointment with a therapist to dive deeper, but i was wondering:

AITAH?",You're only married for a year. You don't have children together. Get out now- lesson learned.
AITAH for wanting my sister to seek proper medical advice?,"Almost ten years ago my father died of Parkinson’s disease. It was devastating, and terrible to watch. About three years ago, my sister started having health issues, many of them neurological related. Troubles with balance, chronic pain, tremors. Of course the entire family was deeply concerned, and we imagined she would pursue treatments to get to the bottom of it.

Well, despite having had a neurologist tell her that she should consider taking medication to rule out Parkinson’s, instead she has gone to naturopaths and so far been diagnosed with Lyme disease, blood parasites, and now mold toxicity. She has literally spent over $100,000 on ‘detox’ treatments and her health continues to decline in a disturbing direction. I have tried to be supportive because I believe people have the right to determine their own care. But at this point, it’s just becoming frustrating to watch. She refuses to even consider the very real possibility that she has Parkinson’s, and the window for medication potentially slowing the progression of the disease is closing. 

I don’t feel like I can continue supporting this ridiculous and dangerous situation, and I don’t know how to even begin to tell her how I feel. The naturopaths are clearly scamming her, and in the meantime her health continues to worsen.","You’re NTA for caring and wanting her to seek proper care, but you can’t force her. My mom ended up killing herself in stubbornness because she refused to receive proper treatment for a preventable blood clot that she was diagnosed with, and I’ve had to go through years of therapy to cope with the guilt of being unable to convince her to seek treatment.

Your sister will only listen to what she wants to hear. 

She’s going through her own stages of grief, and I’m sure she was equally devastated by your father’s passing. The idea that she may have Parkinson’s after watching it take your father.. that is probably terrifying to her. In her shoes, I would avoid a diagnosis because getting it confirmed would be accepting and acknowledging that I had it. 

All you can do is be there for her and tell her that you are concerned for her, and maybe go to therapy yourself to find resources of how to cope. A professional could help steer you into a proper intervention. Help yourself so you can help her."
AITAH for watching a movie without my husband.,"I (30f) watched a movie without my husband (31m). We got a new streaming service a bout a month ago  and I had mentioned that I wanted to watch a certain movie. He agreed that it looked interesting and said he also wanted to watch it. Since then I have mentioned twice that we should watch the movie but he always has an excuse as to why we should wait (too tired, going to bed soon, doesn’t want to pay attention….) it’s fine. So today I started watching the movie, I was about half way through when he walked in. He looked really hurt. I told him we could start it over but he said no and that I should just finish it and he’ll watch it by himself. Since then he’s been short with me, won’t make eye contact, and is being distant with me. 

BTW he does this all the time. He says he wants to watch a show/movie together and forgets about it. So AITA?  ",NTA. Your husband is a child.
AITAH for telling someone to stand on the tube,"Basically, the London tube was fairly busy, all seats taken. People getting on and off, and then an elderly man gets on the tube, and a younger guy takes the last seat. I said to him, 'actually I think you should let that man sit there' and they guy basically told me to f off. I think I did the right thing","YTA

Some people have invisible disabilities. Why didn't you tell off everyone else who was sitting? You don't know whether this person needed the seat or not and it's not your place to single them out and lecture them."
AITAH for getting mad at my work schedule?,"So I (23F) just started working at a fast food about a monthly ago and so, when I applied and started working a supervisor told me that the only available spots she had was of the night shift closing the shop which I understood and accepted because I needed the job desperately.

 Here's the thing, right after December ended, a new guy also started working there, the guy also worked a closing shift with me so all chill for like two and a half weeks, up until I saw this week's schedule and saw how they suddenly gave him the morning shift except for one day where he does closing and now im pissed, cuz ur telling me that for me when I asked all the day schedules were full but then a new guy comes in less than a full month and suddenly he's on the day shift?? I might be overreacting but I honestly don't think it's fair and I'm so pissed.","Sounds like he didn't need the job as desperately and told them they could work with his schedule or not.

This is a lesson to advocate for yourself, especially in minimum-wage jobs which are plentiful. If someone is abusing your time, you can always find another fast food gig.

Tell them that you need some morning shifts as well and if they aren't willing to do that, look at other fast food or retail jobs."
WIBTAH if i deleted my mums dating app,"For context I (17m) my little brother (12m) and my mum (50f) lost our dad/co-parent back in 2024 and since then we’ve been on our own. 

Now my mums friend has told her about some dating app and shes currently using it actively. My mum and dad weren’t ever really romantic as long as I can remember and only really stayed together for me and my brothers sake, however they kept a sort of friendship/co-parent relationship even when dad moved out. I just worry about who the new guy might be and if he might try to replace my father in my life or try to erase his memory over time. Please help me decide if I’m being unreasonable or if my worries are warranted. 

I still live at home with both mum and brother while finishing school and i do really want the best for my mum especially after all shes done for us as a single parent but i’m just concerned that this is coming up now all of a sudden.

For some bonus information in my country you can legally move out without parental consent at 16 given you can earn and provide for yourself and i would consider taking this drastic of action if things go too far for my liking (eg: the new guy either tries to replace my fathers memory or tries to be a new father figure) (would make it known that i don’t want that if a new guy does come into the picture, would treat him more like a roommate)

Extra context: in the past she has said that she had no interest in any romance and if she did it would probably be with another woman in a sort of roommate/coexistent relationship which i would be more than fine with.

Sorry for long post and grammar/spelling errors, typing this late at night and am fuck tired😭🙏","YTA. Key piece of advice here - don't stand in the way of your Mum's happiness.

I understand you feel hurt by it and you feel you're looking out for her which is respectable, but doing this isn't. She is an adult and doesnt need you making big decisions for her."
AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend?,"So two weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend of basically two years. One of the main two reasons I broke up with him was he had a MASSIVE porn addiction and would not stop looking at stuff despite me telling him that it made me severely uncomfortable and I considered it cheating. (don’t flame me for that it’s just my opinion). I gave him four chances to try and stop this “habit” (as he called it) and he made no effort. The other reason I broke up with him was because he was horrible at listening and was planning my life for me. Like I had said I had not wanted to get married until I was older and he considered (and talked to my friends) about how he wanted to marry me right out of school. He also continued to talk about the kids we would have together, keep in mind I had told him I didn’t want kids. 

When I had decided that I lost all attraction to him was when he told me that “his brain kept going to porn because it wasn’t satisfied because I refused to give him head.” I had told him several times during our relationship that head was something I was not comfortable giving. I had also found out that he had told one of my best friends that “if my girlfriend didn’t exist I would find you sooo attractive when you’re mad.” (he had a thing for women being mad at him/mad in general.) When I confronted him about it, he used the excuse of not remembering, then saying he might remember it, to saying he “didn’t know it was bad because he’s never been in a relationship before. 

Anyway, both him and his sister (whom I was friends with) cut me off yesterday and he said he was “upset with how I was handling the situation” and that I had been “nothing but rude.” But I feel as though he deserved how I was talking with him (I wasn’t being kind and savoring his feelings, I was being blunt and straight to the point.) and he deserves what happened as it was the consequences of his actions.

My question is: should I feel bad? Am I in the wrong?",you're free! dobby is free!! now run as far as you can! (edit to add NTA)
UPDATE - looked through my boyfriends photos and found nudes and vids of his ex. AITAH?,"original post for context:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/uEv6wrt1b1



in regards to my original post, i truly believe all comments, advice, and words were honestly helpful in guiding me on how to admit my mistakes and also my concerns. like i mentioned, i knew that i was in the wrong and could very well feel the guilt haunting me but i wanted to know if my thoughts had some validity. of course, mixed opinions as i expected. 

down to the point though. that shit was ROUGH. we got through the holidays because it was a very nice time with each other and with family, but yes, i was itching and scratching to just get shit off my chest. it certainly was not easy and it took a lot out of me to sit him down and finally let everything come out. it did and it was very much like puke lmao. i had voiced my concerns and apologies so much that it was followed with a lot of comfort from him. needless to say, as much as he was comforting and understanding, there was a part of him that did not appreciate my snoopy behavior. obviously.

we talked it through for a while and he really allowed me to get it all out. i expressed my need for him to understand that i knew i was wrong and that i didn’t expect him to delete anything, as it is his life and past. i was surprised when he offered to delete the explicit content to give me peace of mind. i told him that i really wasn’t looking to dictate anything that has to do with his past and that he should do whatever he pleases. i said “no mind games, no manipulation, this is truly how i feel.” 

i feel like he really saw how much this had been eating at me, i did mention it several times but i honestly think he understood all the thoughts i’d been having about the situation. it was a very thorough and incredible conversation, i was able to be so open and as was he. 

so, after we had talked it all out, we apologized to one another (not really sure what he had to apologize for, he didn’t do anything wrong lol) and thanked each other for honest communication. i felt so relieved that it was “simple” and was so grateful that my partner shows promise in being truly understanding and willing to let me be heard. as it turns out, he did make the decision to delete the images and vids. i was appreciative of his reassurance that he wanted me to feel comfortable and safe with him. he’s very confident of me and this relationship so it posed as no issue to remove the explicit content. 

i’m so happy that i was honest and let myself be so vulnerable about my shortfalls. it feels so good knowing in the future i will be able to address issues with him, should there be any, and not be frightened about anything. communication is key. ","I can't believe more people are upset about you going through his phone than they are of your bf literally having nudes and sexual videos of his ex??? That is WILD to me. I'm glad you guys had a good and productive conversation OP, but you're being too hard on yourself. He was absolutely right to delete those. Keeping memories is one thing, but sexual stuff? Absolutely inappropriate."
AITAH for making my husband a roommate?,"I (33F) married my (40M) husband in 2017 and he adopted my 2 kids shortly after (the kids were 2 and 3 at the time).

This is a long one that I will try to shorten, but still keep relevant details.
I am bipolar but wasn't diagnosed or medicated until several years (like 3) into our marriage. We did struggle with our sex life after I was medicated due to low drive being a side affect. I talked to my Dr about this and was reassured that this is common and was put on a second medication to try and counter act. This didn't completely help. I went to trusted family members and asked for advice. I told my husband that he is always welcome to initiate as that puts me in the mood, I just honestly don't feel the need arise or think about it on my own. I made a playlist to listen to on my way home from work in the morning. I went as far as buying gummies that are supposed to help, but how do I take them when I don't think about it? Out of sight, out of mind, you know?  
He still got mad at me no matter what I did because he said him initiating every time was like forcing me. I told him no, because if he initiated and I still wasn't in the mood I would be honest and tell him.
Anyways, after about a year and a half of this and trying all I knew to do, nothing was working. This is when a high school friend of his reached out to me and let me know that he was trying to sleep with her, I messaged her back and she sent me receipts. My heart broke. I took his phone and went through it all. I'm talking deep dives into file/downloaded/social media/texts/voice texts/email/deleted things/pictures/apps in his app store (downloaded and deleted). There was 100s of things across all of it. I took screen shots, recording etc and sent it to myself to put in a locked folder. I woke him up and confronted him. He admitted to it all and the to 4 physical encounters I had no knowledge of at that time. One of them was our neighbor!! Even though he confessed and gave names and rough dates, one being before we even got married, he still blamed it on me and what our sex life had been through. He blamed it on being molested at 12. He blamed me because of the mood swings and medicine swaps.
I tried to stay. He was supportive and let me cry it out while he held me. I put tracking on his phone, I put cameras up around our house and one in the living room, he deleted all socials right in front of me, I had free reign to check his phone any time I asked (which was daily). 
After about 6 months I just couldn't do it anymore. I told him we were roommates for our 2 children and I only wanted to hear from him when it came to the kids and bills. He threatened suicide and I stopped him. I made him tell his family (he constantly talked bad to them about me, to the point his dad said I was out to ruin him and only wanted him to use him).
After about a year he moved out of our room by his own decision. 
He blames me for his self esteem and everything else under the sun.
He still constantly blames me for what has happened and the fact that I keep reminding him (because he pushes our new boundaries) that we are not together, we are not friends, we are roommates.
I do not want to be married or have him in my house (""my house"" as I have always been the bread winner and without me he would have never been able to buy). But I don't know what to do as I do not have a supportive family other than my grandma who is in her 80s and can't handle the help I would need. I work nights and my job takes me all over the state at any given time. 
I just can't give more than what I am already doing. My heart is still broken and honestly just seeing him pull in the driveway or seeing him breathing pisses me off.

I'm sorry that this is long and I'm sorry that it may not make complete sense. I am trying to not give a lot away as I don't know who might see this and be able to guess.
AITAH and caused him to cheat? AITAH for not doing better in making him a friend instead of roommate?","NTA. Sorry, this sounds awful for you. I get why you are still living together but the kids must be picking up on the atmosphere between you both. You may have to consider a way of living apart from him, in your own place, however difficult that may be."
AITAH for suggesting one friend not to do something our third friend doesn’t like,"A friend group of 3, I(26F) 1st friend (26M) 2nd friend (26F). We 3 go back a long time 9-10 year old friendship.

Male friend keeps light flirting with us both, thats the dynamic since 10 years and we are aware that its for fun and doesn’t mean anything. Again one day he sent a flirty something post to me and my female friend. I am single and she is in relationship. She told me that ‘I don’t like that our male friend sends me such posts when i am in a relationship’. I said fair enough.

Our male friend is moving to my city for work so we were talking alot those days for work, housing etc. So I mentioned it that if she doesn’t like it why do you keep doing it, you shouldn’t send her such posts. He just said ok and moved on to another topic.

Now our female friend stopped talking to both of us on this incident 🤷🏻‍♀️AITAH? And we were good friends with no formality. 

Also I am in our hometown, should i call meet and apologise? I personally don’t feel I did something wrong. Please show me another perspective if there is.","I don't understand why she wouldn't have told him herself that she didn't like these texts, if y'all are so close. But this feels like a really immature conflict."
AITAH for taking my stuff back after my sister tried to steal my bedroom and my family isn’t backing me?,"So, I (22) live at my grandma’s house. My dad (50) and my sister (17) also live here. Ever since I came back, my sister has been acting like she owns my bedroom. She literally moved all my things out into the shed while I was away visiting friends and started claiming, “This is my room now.”

My dad keeps saying she’s “just a kid” and that I should let it slide and just share the room. But… she’s failing school, doesn’t have a job, spends more time with her boyfriend than herself, and acts like the world owes her everything. Meanwhile, I have responsibilities, bills, and I’m just trying to live in my own space quietly and peacefully.

Here’s why this room actually matters: nobody cared about it for years because it used to be my uncle’s drug den. The walls were mud brown and smelled like burnt plastic, there were three layers of carpet… and between each layer was drug residue, needles, and bent/burnt spoons. I knew I needed somewhere to live while I get my life together, so I rolled up my sleeves and got to work—tore everything out, repainted, replaced carpet, fixed the window, and more. That wasn’t free labor. I did it because my grandma said I could have the room.

Anyway, I moved all my stuff back where it belongs. She flipped out, pulled the victim card and tears on our dad, and now my dad is giving me attitude too. I feel like I’m being treated unfairly. It’s not just about “sharing a room,” it’s about respect.

And just to add some extra spice: she’s been trying to manipulate situations to make me look bad so I’ll get kicked out, she brags about her boyfriend—even though she’s been unfaithful while he’s taking care of her and providing what she wants—and she’s just generally messy and dramatic. I’m tired of being gaslit and blamed for standing up for myself.

So Reddit… AITAH for putting my stuff back and taking my room back?","You rebuilt that room and she tried to take it while you were gone, you just reclaimed what's yours, and your dad's excuse doesn't change that."
AITAH For Wanting To Find Other Employment?,"Im 20 and this is my 3rd job and first factory job. I have been with this company for 7 months I've thinking about this for the past 3. And I believe I need to find employment elsewhere. I've been trying l. I was asked what position stood out to me the most. I explained that I was quite interested in Boxing, as it seemed it would help me build some muscle while still seeming like something I could do consistently. I also explained that I get  overwhelmed under pressure. That statement seems to have been unrecognized. 

     After my second month with the company, I made a comment to one of the line supervisors that I didn't think I was the right person for this position. I then got pulled to another poison due to a call off (which I enjoyed immensely) for roughly 2-3 days. I then heard nothing about it since. 

     After my third month, I started bidding out of my current position and to any other positions that where available. I eventually got the bid for another department and got the position. However, with the high amount of people not willing to do the position I'm in currently in. 

     The past three months have been my attempt at keeping my source of income. It's really good money and benefits. But I'm at the point where I feel that the stress and physical pain I'm enduring of this position isn't worth the paycheck I'm getting for it. 

     Am I being a bitch or am I right for feeling this way?","I don’t think there is ever a scenario where you’d be the AH for wanting to find a new job.

Editing to add: OP, I think you know you aren’t an AH, but I think you really want to just vent, in which the sub s/vent is the better choice."
AITAH for cutting off my entire friend group after one of them groped me?,"Last summer, my (18F) friend group consisted of me, 4 girls (friends since secondary school), and 4 boys. One of the boys, Zach, had been a close friend of mine since February. Throughout our friendship, he repeatedly made unwanted advances, which I always shut down however we were really close and I valued our friendship a lot.

By summer, his behaviour escalated. At group sleepovers, he constantly found excuses to touch me despite me making it clear I wasn’t comfortable. In mid-October, during a very drunk group sleepover, I was lying on the ground outside with my knees up, eyes closed, and not really responsive. Zach sat opposite me and was stroking my knee. Over \~20 minutes, his hand slowly moved higher up my leg until his thumb was brushing my underwear (over my pyjama trousers).

When we went inside, I ran to the bathroom sobbing and hyperventilating and told another boy what happened. The boys confronted Zach and had a serious go at him. But after that night, everyone - including my girl friends - acted like nothing happened and continued being friendly with him.

Zach isn’t one of those guys you’d expect this from, he’s known as a goofy fun guy who’s “not like other men” and is always trying to build friendships with women, which may be a reason why no one let this taint his image. 

One friend, Emilie - who was in the group beginning of summer then left - fully supported me and unfriended Zach (he was her childhood friend). After about a month, I told my close girlfriends how hurt I was that they were still so kind to him. That’s when the group turned on me. The boys stopped talking to me and framed it like I was trying to “ruin the group.” One of my oldest girl friends befriended Zach at the expense of our friendship. Another one of my closest  girl friends (his ex) started dating him again after telling me she was uncomfortable with him because of what he did.

Eventually, the girls also cut off Emilie for supporting me as well as anger that she found new friends. Now they’re having a party and have explicitly said Emilie and I aren’t invited because we’re “drama.” We’re angry and confused that something so violating was somehow turned back on us.

So, AITAH for ditching the entire friend group?","You can’t ditch a group that ditched you first, but either way you deserve better. NTA"
AITAH for not letting someone borrow my book?,"This is going to sound overblown, but I’ve been mulling over this for the last few days and would seriously like your perspective, and I will be as objective as possible about what happened.

I recently attended a conference in my field with a classmate who I shared a room with. For context, we worked on the same project, though we are not really on friendly terms. This roommate has attended the conference a few times in the past, this is my first time. We only really were in the same space when it came to presenting together, but we are in completely different subfields. Before bed one night, they read the name of a society presenting at the conference that I honestly found quite funny in a sort of immature way. They had asked me, while laughing, what that name meant, and I read the acronym and went to bed. The society was for experts in her field, which I thought she knew. This interaction will be relevant very soon.

The conference offers free books in our general discipline for those who reserve them ahead of time on the second day. I was in the lobby in the morning and excitedly found many books that just sounded amazing off the title. Whenever I encounter books I find interesting, I read them and ultimately hoard them for years because I often come back to them. I decided to write my name down for a book that I found interesting, though was not related to what I studied. It did not occur to me in this moment that this field was my roommate’s field. I ultimately picked up the book.

We met up with a professor for dinner about fifteen minutes later, and we were talking about things we had done. The dinner got off to a bad start as the individual began to complain that there were no presentations on their specific field throughout the conference. It couldn’t have been farther from the truth, given that a society featured in the conference is oriented towards that subfield - the one with the silly name. The professor we were with laughed and told them that it wasn’t true, to which the roommate turned to me and asked me, in what I can only describe as an anguished tone, why I had withheld the information from her and if I had done so to purposefully exclude her from a good experience at the conference. I did not mean to, but the person seemed otherwise very convinced this was my intention. The dinner got kind of awkward and silent, and I felt offended that she believed I would do such a thing. Again, this interaction might be relevant to contextualize our next interaction.

A few minutes later, my professor asks me what I was able to do in the time I was at the conference, and I commented that I was able to reserve a book I found very interesting. My roommate lights up and asks if they can see it, so I produce the book. She reads the title and asks, “Can I keep it?” and I instantly scowl and say, “/Keep/ it? Keeeeep it?” I wasn’t intending to be funny, but my professor laughed. I found the question entitled. My roommate is shocked at my response and is silent for a few seconds before she immediately turns to flipping the pages. 

In a very sharp tone, she then tells me, “You need to seriously explain why you need to have a book in a field that is completely irrelevant to what you study. I study this field. I need this book.”

When I respond that I find the topic interesting and would prefer to just keep it for myself, she comments that “(her) parents taught (her) when you don’t need something, you give it away to someone who does.” And then commented that I had already ruined her conference experience by not telling that her field was a major part of the event.

She spends the rest of the dinner, without exaggeration, pointing to different sections and arguing that she deserves my book because she, being knowledgeable in the field, needs it for her study. I continue to stand firm and say that it is really as simple as me liking the book. I ask for the book back, which she does, though very carefully and with much hesitation.

As we are walking to our hotel and away from my professor, she tells me that she found my reaction to her question quite severe and offensive and that “obviously, when someone asks you if they want to ‘keep’ something, they really mean to ‘borrow it.’” She then asked me why I really needed this book so badly, and I commented that I prefer to just keep my books. “If I had known you were a hoarder earlier, I would have understood. My parents taught me to loan out my things once I don’t need them anymore.”

We did not speak again following this interaction. I do feel that I embarrassed her in front of my professor for my reaction. AITAH?",NTA she is very entitled and needs to pay attention better. She can easily just get the title from you and buy it online
AITAH for not inviting my soon to be ex husband to our daughter’s 3rd birthday party?,"TLDR: My ex and I divorced because he claimed to be poly and want the lifestyle while I did not. 10 years, 4 of marriage, raising his child 15 and our child 2F. He starts dating someone while we are in process of financially separating, leaving me home with our child to go out/sleep over at her house. Once I move out, a month later he lets me know his girlfriend is pregnant. They had been seeing each other for months before we decided to divorce and claims to have cheated on me for at least a year with at least 4 other people (but it’s really hard for him to recall). Oh! And she very pregnant. Four months into our separation, I included him and the girlfriend in my Halloween with our daughter. Was encouraging doing things together on a semi-regular basis. He continuously made excuses for why it couldn’t continue, why things will change once his love child is here, and then stopped agreeing. So I stopped trying to do things together and told him, “you do not seem to be interested in having the blended family dynamic we have discussed, so I will not keep asking”. He seemed happy with that. We planned to do Christmas together, a few days before their relationship went “Facebook official” and I have a ton of people texting me about it. It hurt. I said I am not super comfortable having the girlfriend at Christmas (which was never confirmed to begin with) and suggested a plan for him to spend about 1 hour with our children for their first Christmas together (custody schedule issues). He decided not to participate and just drop my stepdaughter off.

I let him know a few days ago that I would be having a party for our daughter during my custodial time but since he has not shown an interest or attempted to establish any blended family dynamic and did not participate in Christmas that he is not invited to the party that I am throwing, but wanted him to hear it from me and not our mutual friends/ family.

He replied “understood, I respect your opinion”. 

Turns out he is now holding this against me and will not allow me to take our daughter to her cousin’s fist birthday party (during his time) because “it’s sad that I can’t be at Avery’s birthday”.

To me I feel like the manipulation continues but also feel like the asshole, because this is not at all the dynamic I want to have with him. So AITAH?","You are trying too hard at something that shouldn't happen.

Celebrate with your daughter when you have your daughter. Do not reach out to him. And you have to accept that he has her during his time. Do not ask for exceptions."
AITAH for saying I was busy when my dad called me?,"My dad was downstairs.

I was in my room, on my phone with my boyfriend, and changing into my regular clothes after finishing up a burlesque dance routine.

My dad yelled for me from downstairs to say he was home, and I said ""I'm busy!"" intending to acknowledge what he was saying and then go have a longer conversation once I was fully changed.

AITAH?

My dad told me I was being rude, and that wasn't my intention; I just wanted to acknowledge that I heard him & would get back to him when I had the chance.","NTA but maybe something like ""just a minute"" would have been a little softer? I'm busy wouldn't offend or upset me personally but we are all individuals and react differently."
AITAH for how I handled helping my girlfriend while she was sick?,"I’ve (23M) been with my girlfriend (23F) for 2 years. Recently our relationship has been very fragile as we argue a lot and were on and off for a few months. About a week ago, we decided to start fresh and genuinely try to make things work cause we love each other and wanted to be together.

Yesterday, she stayed home due to a medical issue she's having, while I went to work. She had a doctor’s appointment the next day (today) and texted me saying she can’t wear jeans because of metal buckles and zippers, and that it would interfere with the medical devices. She asked if I could pick up a pair of leggings for her after work. I agreed right away.

She sent me a screenshot of a pair that was $19.99. I suggested she order them online for in-store pickup, since that store allows it and it would save a lot of time, since I won't have to search for them, find the right model, the right size, the right color, send pgotos to make sure, wait for her response,... After I suggested she ordered online, she stopped replying for a few minutes, and then sent another screenshot of cheaper pair for $6.99, saying she'll actually get these instead. That's when I knew it was about money.

For context, money is a recurring issue between us. She’s constantly in overdraft and owes me over $500 from more than a year ago, which she’s never paid back. Anytime I bring it up, it turns into an argument. She also often says I don’t give her enough gifts, even though I frequently pay for her things on the go and help her financially. She even admitted herself that she tends to forget that, and that's why when we started fresh, she told me not to pay for her rhings on the go, and to rather save this money to make her more surprise gifts and gestures as she will be more likely to remember them, which I thought is a great idea.

Anyway, I agreed for the cheaper leggings, but they weren’t available at the store closest to me, only at a further one that’s harder to access. I told her that, but said I’d still go if it was the only option and again asked her to order them online if that's her final choice. She then said nevermind and that she’d just wear tights she already had. I could tell she was mad.

She then asked if I could at least get us food for the night since she couldn’t cook. I said yes without hesitation. When I asked what she wanted, she rejected the usual nearby options I proposed and asked for food from a specific Indian restaurant that’s quite expensive. I felt like she did out of spite for the legging, but I still agreed regardless. I thought she was sick, and oh well for the money.

I told her I was going to eat a quick pizza first (as I don’t like Indian food and prefer eating pizza fresh and not take out because it gets cold and loses taste, and she knows this very well about me), then I’d pick up her food and come sit with her while she ate. She asked, “So you won’t eat with me?” I explained again, and she stopped responding.

I ate my pizza, and headed to the Indian place. When I arrived, I called to ask what she wanted to order, and she hung up on me. I thought maybe it was an accident, so I called again and same outcome. After that, I texted her and she said she doesn't want to talk to me, and that I don’t care about her. Then, she started saying I suck big time, and she eventually blocked me. I tried reaching her on other social media apps, she continued arguing and eventually blocked me on all of them.

Later, her best friend called me and it turned out my girlfriend was having a breakdown. I explained my side honestly, and the friend had already seen the messages. She didn’t seem fully convinced that I had done something wrong, yet she still tried to defend her friend.

Now I’m genuinely wondering AITA here. What do I do now?","I’m 67F and would like to console you. What you’ve said here suggests to me that you need to break up with her and stay gf-free for a while and then find a more mature, less childish and manipulative partner. It may cost you the $500. Btw, financial irresponsibility is a major red flag in relationships."
AITAH for dropping out of my best friends bridal party and ruining a 11 year friendship?,"My best friend did not make me the maid of honor. I was a little sad and shocked but that is okay, the day is not about me…BUT then she tells me she doesn’t think the MOH would plan the bachelorette because she was too shy and basically implied she didn’t trust her with the plans. I was even more upset because at this point it just seems disrespectful but I thought I love her and I will and give her the day she wants. She communicated that she wanted me to run any ideas by the MOH. She asked me to make the group chat instead of the MOH. She asked me to initiate the conversation. She would confine in me about things she wanted in her wedding.

I messaged the MOH privately several times to try to get her to get things going and run things by her. She left me on read several times and then finally told me to start messaging the group for these things. I started messaging the group as per her request. We only communicated via the group. 3 months before the set bachelorette date, the MOH tried to move her bachelorette in the dead of winter (5 months away from her actual wedding date) because she couldn’t clear her schedule within the next 4 months. She was overall being a terrible MOH and my friend confinded in me about this. The bride called me crying about how unimportant she feels and how she is really upset no one is willing to shell out their money or time specifically the MOH. She said at this point she would rather have no bachelorette rather than get stuck in a snow storm.

I tried to hint at the MOH to understand that the bride was upset and didn’t want a bachelorette in January but it wasn’t working. I finally sent “she is actually very much against doing it in January and doesnt want us to pay tons to not even go outside or be snowed in. she does want her girls to be there but she also wants people to put in a little more effort to accommodate her. its hurtful that no one is willing to sacrifice a day, weekend or money to make things work the way she wants. we should be working to move our schedules, not trying to make her move her bachelorette 5 months before her wedding in the middle of winter. its just really inconsiderate tbh.” This message released absolute chaos and put tension on the whole bridal party.

Bridal party reached out to the the bride and she did a 180. She told me I overstepped, started putting words in my mouth and tried to make it seem like I was crazy. She wouldn’t admit to asking me to take on these roles. She acted like I made up those messages and just wanted control. She just started straight lying. She just pretended like I had been overstepping the entire time and said I was over planning.

A week went by because I felt space and in person would make this conversation more approachable. I invited her out to dinner and this girl DOUBLES down on how the bridal party has full rights to hate me and it will take time WHILE telling me I need to get over it because its been a week and I am being selfish. She then starts saying I’m jealous that she has friends and I am like girl… this has nothing to do with you having friends but the fact that you put me in a hard situation and turned on me. That is all I am trying to talk about. She just kept lying and making up stuff while I am trying to have a legitimate conversation. After talking in circles at the restaurant I sent her a text that told her it’s best that I step down because I don’t even know who she is right now. A part of me feels shitty because its her day but she is also legitimately gaslighting me and pretending I made up stuff.

AITA for saying something the bride communicated to me? AITA for not letting the brides betrayal go?","Wow, she really made you middle management for her wedding party.  And when she threw you under the bus?  Yeah, I'd send screenshots of her text showing how she feels unloved, then dip.  NTA, she's not your best friend."
AITAH - water damage,"AITAH - Water damage - am I over reacting?

So - I got up around 8:15 yesterday, my girlfriend got up before me around 7:30. When I go into the kitchen, she’s mopping up water. When I asked about the water, she said she spilled a glass of water. I mentioned that it seemed to be a lot of water, but walked the dog and started working.

I have an office in the other end of the house, and around 10:00 she comes in and says that she didn’t spill water, it came from the dishwasher. I asked why she lied in the first place, and if she was sure about the dishwasher - she replied don’t know and yes.

Dishwasher is brand new and was just installed- and I watched the guy do it. But I check for leakage and if it was correctly installed - no leakage. I go back to working and at this point I still haven’t turned off the main waterline, as there didn’t seem to be any leakage.

An hour later she’s still mopping up water by a wall opposite the dishwasher and I’m like - where is the water coming from? It turns out there’s an outdoor water tap on that side of the wall, I turn off the water and voila - problem fixed.

Apart from the fact that I’m super pissed about the fact that water has been pouring into the drywall for +4 totally unnecessary hours, if she had just been honest from the start. 

Insurance doesn’t cover, so I have cut off the bottom drywall and rented a dehumidifier. Hopefully it’s 1-2k $ to fix - but it could also be a lot worse.

I’m pissed about two things:

1) the lying and being sure it was the dishwasher 

2) the lack of thinking, and not wondering during a four hour period of time, why water kept coming out of the wall.

Am I the asshole here for being pissed about the situation, or should I just have manned up and turned off the water immediately, and investigated?

Note - she did mop up all the water, so it’s not like she didn’t help.","Did she ever say why she lied 2x? 

That’s extremely bizarre"
Aitah for telling my Son's secret at a family gathering,"Hello Reddit, I am writing on a throwaway account and I'm typing on a cellphone, so don't expect much.

I (40M) have a son (14M) and a daughter (13F). This story starts a week ago when my son told me something at the dinner table. We were in the middle of eating when his mom brought up something he told her, which was something about a bad grade he got a 68% on his math test. I told him how unacceptable it was to get such a bad grade, he just looked down. My wife told me to calm down, so I did, I took away his phone and told him he is not getting it until he gets a really good grade on something. I was surprised as my son gets over 90s on almost everything the lowest he had gotten was an 83%

In our family, we get together every Sunday to meet right before everyone becomes busy in their own lives. I had started drinking with my brother when he started talking about how his son got a good grade on an essay, we were all sitting at the dinner table when I decided it was a good time to bring up my sons bad grade, I figured if all the family knew, it would pressure him into doing better, when I told everyone, my son's face dropped, I will never forget that look he gave me, a mix of disappointment and anger. he got up and left before anyone could say anything. I was in shock that he had shown such an attitude.  I later found out he just walked home. When me and my wife came back he was already asleep, my wife ignored me all the way back home, which pissed me off. 

The next morning I started to cook when my son walked in, I looked at him and noticed his hair, I said ""you should get a haircut it looks like a mop on your head"", trying to  He looked at me and said ""Your opinion doesn't matter to me anymore"". I turned to look at him and he just glared at me and went back upstairs. It has now been 4 days since my son has had a real conversation with me.

Am I wrong for sharing my son's grade to make my brother feel better about his son?

Aita?

","bro, do you ever say anything nice to him?"
AITAH for wanting privacy during massage,"My niece, 16 years younger than me but an adult, stayed over at my house for a few days. My wife and my niece went out two evenings while I took care of kids at home. The day after a concert night, both my wife and my niece were tired and hung over. I prepared lunch that day so my wife could relax a bit. After lunch, my wife was chilling on the couch. I noticed my niece looked dull and her hair frizzy, so I offered her a head massage. 

  
Some context, whenever I used to travel to her house, my niece would be very much attached to me till she turned 5 years old, asking me to feed her, put her to sleep, read a story book, even get bathed by me. 



Back to present, my niece readily took up my offer and sat in front of me. I gave her a good massage on her head and neck, in the presence of my wife. My niece said she had back pain, so I massaged her back, while my wife was sitting next to me. After a while, the doorbell rang and a servicewoman walked in for her cleaning job. Because my niece was unfamiliar, I took my niece to the bedroom and closed the door, to ensure she had some privacy.

  
My niece pointed to lower back, I continued massaging her lower back, and applied a pain relief ointment. After the visitor left, I again went into the living room and continued massaging my niece.

  
Later at night, my wife had a huge argument with me, that it was highly inappropriate of me that I touched bare skin and lower back of my niece and that too in a closed door setting.

I’ve been arguing with my wife that there was nothing inappropriate and the her mindset was very narrow. 

I can’t see how my actions were wrong.  Was I actually an asshole? who is the asshole here?",This story is creepy AF
AITAH for telling my boyfriend that what he said is … RACIST!,"My (29) boyfriend (30) is Polish and I am black (African born and raised) we both in the UK. I have seen racism taking all different shapes and forms and can sense even the subtle racism from a 1000 meters.

Today while chatting after work, my boyfriend told me that his brothers girlfriend in unwell because of issues with her teeth. His words were “A nurse from the Philippines extracted her teeth and overnight her face swollen up and she had to go to A&E” .. I was silent for a second before I said: “why is where she is from relevant to this story” .. he replied and said: “because she is short and probably did not take all the teeth out and she should have asked for help” .. I immediately said: “I am sorry babe but this is racist. I know you are white and you grew up around white people saying those things and maybe you don’t mean it but this comes across very racist. If it’s a white person do you think your brother or you would have said … a short white person or would you just have said some dentist?” 

He did not answer to me and literally ignored the conversation and started scrolling on TikTok. It saddens me so much that my boyfriend doesn’t even understand how racism can present and not even trying to listen to me explaining this subject. Am I being unreasonable ? Am I in the wrong ? AITAH ???",Jesus 🙄 you're clearly fishing for drama.  YTA.
WIBTAH to leave my boyfriend after he went to a strip club while on vacation with his best friend.,"I [19 F], and my bf [20 M], and we have been dating for 9 months and everything has been going really great so far with the normal up and downs along but generally we get along like best friends, he recently left for a week to go on vacation to see his best friend, [20 M], a few provinces over, this morning I woke up to his message saying ""We are now in a strip club and I don’t wanna be here ik not kidding I’m drinking beer from the Corner"", he then proceeded to justify it by saying they only went in there for drinks and only a few minutes since they were closing,( recieved the message at 5 am and there is a 2 hour time gap so 3 his time), he then proceeded to say his friend could explain everything, his friend sent me a few snap videos of him mumbling about how they were outside of the club then went in and also added the detail that a dancer came up to them then proceeded to delete the 4 videos following that sentance, my bf continues to apologize and he is coming back in 2 days as of the time Im posting this. Now my question is what would you do in a this situation?? AITAH if I left him over this? 


TLDR: Bf went to another city for a week and went to a strip club and says he only went for drinks and for 5 minutes. 

So sorry for any bad grammar and bad punctuation this is my first time posting know reddit 

Edit to add: Yes we had discussed strip clubs and those sorts of things were always off the table, I do trust him but its overall the fact that 1. He went despite it being previously discussed, 2. When he assigned his friend to clarify the nights events his friend mentioned being approached by dancers then instantly deleting the videos following that, that makes me very uneasy. ","I mean, he did tell you where they were with an explanation. It’s probably worth talking about it with him first."
AITAH for having different beliefs to my mother?,"I am 1 month postpartum and my mother has come all the way from India to help me with this journey. She has been an absolute blessing with looking after the baby and me. She does all the household chores including cooking and cleaning and also looking after my two cats. I don't know what I would do without her. 

However I have been noticing there are a few things we disagree on. Our parenting styles, sense of humor and everyday things. There have been instances where she has taken jabs at me and my husband for being over protective of our baby. Sometimes when me and my husband are arguing, she interrupts in my mother tongue which my husband cannot understand and speaks against him to me in the middle of the conversation. This is something that I don't like as I feel that I'm betraying my husband - it's like talking behind his back in another language. 

One day I was talking about how I will not let my son eat outside food, she immediately jumped in and said first teach your husband not to eat outside food to which I said he has reduced a lot eating outside when I said this I was evidently very annoyed and she picked that up and said that my response was rude. 

There have been several instances where I've argued back and she has said something in her defence. She takes offence very soon. My scottish husband has a peculiar sense of humor and he keeps joking to her, but she keeps taking offence to that and getting mad at him too. To which I jump in and explain he was just joking. She said to me that it feels insulting . 

There are many things which have led to arguments between me and her over silly things. It's like I can't speak to her about anything. Once such argument escalated and she said to me "" I have come all the way here and working like a maid in your house and you argue with me?"" I felt hurt at this comment and have booked her ticket back home saying I can manage. She is going in two months. 

All this has really hurt me as we were very close before. Now I feel Im distant and she hates me. I feel she is not the perfect person I once thought she was. I am I the asshole? ",NTA the child is yours and not your mothers. I completely agree with the other comment where she is allowed to disagree but interfering isn’t necessary. I completely understand where you’re coming from this sounds like a tough situation but I feel like the older generation of mothers oddly just tend to be like this? Where they feel like the victim in most situations and get very defensive. It’snot your fault at all.
AITAH for not wanting to go to my niece's birthday party?,"I (24F) have told my mom I dont want to be around if my older half brother (29M) is around. I didnt go over there for Thanksgiving or Christmas because he lives there. He has no job nor a car so he is always there and theres never a time he isnt there. 

The reason I dont want to be around my brother is because growing up, he constantly verbally and emotionally abused me. He would scream in my face calling me any insult you could think of. The smallest thing would set him off. For example, he yelled at me and belittled me for cooking my frozen pizza on a baking sheet instead of directly on the rack. And most of the abuse happened after he turned 17. My mom turned into a single mother raising us after her and her boyfriend broke up after 8 years when i was 12. And i would go to my dad's house sometimes since he had 50/50 custody of me. My brother's father is out of the picture entirely. My brother is very entitled since hes had most things handed to him like cars, a trailer to live in, a lawyer so he could see his 3 kids, his bills paid, stuff for his kids, bailed out of jail, etc. My mom gets it sll for him. And everytime im around him, hes constantly belittling me and my mom does nothing about it. I have PTSD from growing up with him, which my mom doesnt take seriously. 

Recently, after he had abandoned his daughter to get back with an ex for the 9th time, leaving my mom to take custody of, him and his ex got into another fight and he moved back in with my mom. I told her I do not want to be around him at all. Well my nieces birthday is coming up and my mom asked if I was coming over to celebrate. I told her I assume he will be there and I dont want to be there if he is there. She said she will be disappointed if im not there and asked what I plan on doing for my niece. I told her ""I dont know what to tell you, yall can come up to my house without him if you want."" I love my nieces to death, but Im firm on this boundary. I feel like such an ahole for not being there, but I also dont want to be belittled and terrified the whole time. Im working very hard in therapy to process the abuse and overcome my people pleasing, so this is the first boundary ive set with my family. 

I know people say ""but thats your brother!"" But he never treats me like a sister and now that im grown, i finally have control on how to live my life. 

So AITAH for not wanting to go to the party?","This should read ""AITAH for holding firm to my boundaries"" because you DO want to celebrate your niece, but you do NOT want to be around someone that caused so much trauma for you. Celebrate your niece a different day with just the two of you. It's clear your mom will never agree with you and that's ok. You don't make boundaries people will agree with. You make boundaries based on your own peace. NTA"
AITAH for acting out when my coworker implied she was coerced into sexual acts,"Edit: Ive already left this job for other reasons - me and this coworker are no longer speaking to each other.

TW: for mentions of possible sexual abuse

Context: Everything I have heard about this guy is through my coworker, and since all of this has gone down I have been told the possibility that she could've been either lying or over exaggerating what she tells me for attention. I like to take people at their word but to who reads this, please keep this in mind.

I (26) have been working with my coworker (25F) for almost 2 years now. We had a rough start but I'd like to think we became pretty close over time. (Emphasize on this, because now Im wondering if my perception of our closeness was false.) We used to go out for food and shopping, text all the time, and confide in each other.

She recently started dating again after a horrible breakup last summer, so I was pretty happy for her. (Context: her last partner was a girl, and prior to that she had never dated anyone else before.)

She started seeing this guy in November, and while he didn't seem the greatest she seemed like she wanted to see him so I tried figuring out how I could support her best. I didn't like him at first because she would tell me about how she doesn't like his dry texting, or that he doesn't really message her at all, or is sometimes late or forgetful about the dates they set. Not to say she didn't also contribute to the dry texting or any other issues 

She also started texting me in the middle of the night spiraling about him, which I never really set a hard boundary on which is my fault.

Over the course of I believe a week and some change, she found out that he had lied about several things.

He had told her that he would be moving in April and would not be able to commit to a long term relationship. He followed that with claiming that he never said he wanted long term in the first place (but thats what he told her when they first started seeing each other).

He also lied about why he was moving, and where he was moving to. He claimed he didn't know where but that he was being relocated for work with some of hos coworkers. She finds out inderectly through his sister that he's moving to NYC, doesnt have a job lined up, and his coworkers have no idea.

She told me she thought it was incredibly shitty, but that she'd be willing to talk with him. I told her it was super shitty, but if she wanted to continue seeing him just for fun and with no commitments, than she should continue seeing him. So long as it was what made her happy.

She was invited to a work party last Friday, and prior to the day of the party she asked this guy if she could spend the night at his place after. They haven't had sex and she didn't ask with the intention of sex, but she told me that she felt obligated to have sex with him because she ""felt bad for him"". This was the second red flag for me.

She got super wasted on Friday night and spent the night at his place. She had called me 3 times at 2am which I had missed but I texted and called her immediately as soon as I saw it. She didn't pick up but she texted me back that she was okay but that she was pissed. Did not give me any other context.

Monday, at work, she told me what happened. She said she got black out drunk and slept over at his house Friday. She said they didnt have sex because she didn't want to but implied that he jerked off while she was sleeping next to him without asking her, and when she woke up she felt cum on his pants. She said it was really gross but she felt bad for him since they didn't have sex so she should let him atleast jerk off.

She had also implied that there was another situation earlier where she gave him a handjob because she didn't want to have sex, but that it wasn't something that she enjoyed or wanted. That she did it because she felt obligated.

Early on she had told him that she wouldnt want to have sex unless they became exclusuve, and that Friday night he [from how she described it] agreed to being her boyfriend. Not enthusiastically, but because she told him to.

Here's where the asshole part comes in: I have his IG. I dont follow him and I dont have the app, but I messaged him in a moment of heightened emotions and told me that ""If he ever touches her without her explicit and direct consent then I'll call the cops.""

I understand now that I'm most likely projecting my own trauma onto their situation, and that my actions were over stepping.

She called out of work the next day, and I had to discuss with my bosses who claimed that ""her and the boyfriend do not feel safe around you"".

While I explained myself and apoligized to my coworker and bosses (seperately), I'm honestly kind of mad about everything.

So AITAH for acting out in fear for my coworker?","I dunno if YTA exactly, but yeah, threatening a stranger based on gossip is a bad move"
AITAH for cutting off my friend after she got my bf kicked out of his apartment,"My friend (20F) and I (21F) got into this argument in July, and it is still weighing on me even though everyone I’ve told about it says that I’m in the right. My boyfriend (23M) was only living in his apartment for 6 months and I was not in the lease, even though with how often I was there, I was practically living there. I helped him pay rent and covered the grocery costs as I was there all of the time, making his bills go up and eating his food. The only issue was that in his lease it stated that guests were only allowed to stay for 3 consecutive days before they had to leave, a rule that we were clearly breaking.

It started when my friend, I’m going to call her Jen, texted me asking if she could park in the parking lot when the fair was in town for the Fourth of July and it was a 5 minute walk from my boyfriends apartment. I would also like to preface that Jen knew that I was not on the lease and me being there consistently was not allowed, but we did call it my boyfriend and I’s apartment as I was paying rent and buying food. Anyway, I had no issue with her parking there, so I said sure as I saw no harm, which I now realize I should have consulted with my boyfriend first, as it was not technically my permanent address and he didn’t like Jen, which he made clear but he didn’t stop me from seeing her. 

The day Jen was going to the fair came around and  I got out of work to see a bunch of missed calls from her on my phone. I thought that it was odd and called her back while I was driving home to find out she cussed out my boyfriend’s landlord. She was at the fair and I could barely hear her so I said I’d talk to her later but I was livid. Apparently my boyfriend’s landlord had people pay to park in the apartment’s parking lot to get some extra cash and I was afraid to go there, but I did anyway. She flagged me down and asked why my friend came telling her that I lived in her apartment complex and cussed her out calling her a liar when I wasn’t on any leases. I said that I don’t live there, I stay with my boyfriend on occasion, but she wasn’t having it. She said to set up a meeting with her to discuss the living arrangements and I went inside. 

Although I was upset with Jen, I decided I wasn’t going to contact her until everything was said and done and I calmed down about the situation so that we could salvage our friendship as we had been friends for 5 years, but 3 days after the incident, she texts me asking if I was hanging out with my other friend the day prior, who I am going to call R. There has been a past issue with her feeling left out when I would hang out with R even though we would ask her to hang out and she would say no. It was almost like me and R couldn’t hang out together without having Jen blow up my phone, so even though we would ask her, we wouldn’t say we were still hanging out as she would get on us about it. But I was not with R the day prior, I was with my family. Jen saw a post of me and R that was posted the day she texted me and Jen was accusing me of lying and saying “you could’ve just told me the truth” even though I WAS telling the truth. The conversation spiraled as I said I’d rather not talk to her as I needed to calm down about the incident a few days earlier and wanted space. She then continued to tell me that I never told her I didn’t live there (Our mutual friend later told me that I did tell Jen I was not on the lease because he was there when I told them.) Jen continued to tell me that everything that was happening is my fault and she no longer wants to continue the friendship with me and I said fine. If she no longer wants to continue our friendship because I “lied” to her, I’m not going to fight for it anymore as I have fought for our friendship too many times to count and I was exhausted. Jen also sounded offended that I seemed to be blaming her for the situation, but who else could I blame? She said the situation could’ve been avoided. Yeah, it could have, if she decided to have a civil conversation with my boyfriend’s landlord instead of screaming at her. I realize I shouldn’t have came into that conversation blaming her but I was still upset about the situation and the possibility my boyfriend could be homeless. But after I said I was fine with the friendship ending, she blew my phone up saying she was sobbing and she couldn’t do this. 

I just left the conversation there but she later contacted me asking for her clothes and things back, but the thing is her mom still owes me $500 and she still owes me $100. I don’t want to give anything back until I have my money but I blocked her on everything and I don’t want to unblock her just to ask for the money and communicate that to her. And the meeting with the landlord didn’t go well, she gave us 2 weeks to leave. My boyfriend and I now live in an apartment together with both of our names on the lease, but we definitely miss the cheaper rent at our old place. AITAH?","Don’t lie to landlords. It makes them mad, and you may find yourself scrambling to find housing rather than having time to look for what you want. That’s on you and your boyfriend. 

Your friend is a jerk. You’re going to have to find a way to communicate since she needs her stuff and you need her to pay her debts."
"AITAH - My (34M) GF (29F) doesn’t want me to watch porn. I kind of agree, but also don’t know if to commit to not at all?","My GF and I have been together for 9 months. We live together and have a great sex life. I’m not even kidding, she is down for it whenever and most times wants it even more than I do. She also is willing to give me the other stuff (not full sex) also pretty much anytime I want. When we’ve talked about porn she is just confused why I’d even want it when our sex life has a so active. She says she’s not even fully taken care of at times in that dept. like she o’s from sex usually, but sometimes not and then she’s left wanting more. And says I’m kinda selfish about it. And she has made tons of videos and photos for me to have on my phone. and tbh I do agree with the cutting out of porn in my life. Just feels cleaner and I’ve had way more time and just better all around. AITAH for still debating this and being wishy washy with her. Some days I say I don’t and other days I say porn isn’t that bad and I can use it. ",You should spend less time watching porn and more learning how to make your GF feel good or orgasm
My mom tells my dad everything I tell her and I feel betrayed and exposed...AITAH for feeling this way?,"I’m really struggling with my relationship with my mom and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this is actually as messed up as it feels.

My mom and I have always been close. I used to tell her everything and trusted her with very personal things about my life. There was even a time when I did something really stupid and she helped me fix it. I was very clear that I did NOT want my dad to know about it. Later on, I was alone with my dad and he made a comment about it. I felt shocked, uncomfortable, awkward, and honestly hurt. When I confronted my mom, she admitted she told him.

That wasn’t a one-time thing. She constantly takes things I tell her in private and repeats them to my dad — sometimes in a twisted way that makes me look bad. For example, I’ll tell her something, and later when she tells my dad, it sounds like it was my idea, my fault, or like I was being manipulative.

Another example: she told me to teach my younger brother to wash dishes. Later when it came up in front of my dad, she said I bullied or pressured her(my mom) into saying it. Or I’ll tell her something about my life, and later she’ll say it to my dad in a way that makes me sound selfish or irresponsible.

What hurts even more is that when my parents fight, both of them come to me and vent. They both want me on their side. My mom tells me she doesn’t love my dad anymore and talks about wanting to leave him. My dad complains about her to me too. I end up emotionally supporting both of them. But once they make up, suddenly they’re united — and I’m the bad guy. They’ll talk about me together and criticize me behind my back.

Recently I even overheard my dad making a comment about me that was really unfair, even though when he talks to me directly he acts supportive. It feels fake and two-faced.
Another thing that really hurt me was hearing my mom tell my dad that I’m just trying to use someone to go to Europe and leave them behind poor, when in private she was the one encouraging me to take that opportunity, even though i was against it and i told her i dont like using people. She made it sound like I was the selfish one when it was something we had talked about together.

I feel like my mom is very male-centered and will always protect my dad and their relationship, even if it means throwing me under the bus. She uses me as emotional support when things are bad between them, but once things are okay again, she turns against me.

I still live with them and I’m in college, so I can’t just leave. I feel trapped between two parents who don’t respect my privacy and use me as a middleman in their relationship.

I don’t know how to set boundaries without being seen as the bad guy, and I don’t know how to stop feeling so betrayed by someone I used to trust.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?","NTA. narcissist never tries to reflect on their behavior, it will be best to keep your distance and relationship with your mother, don't pour our your heart to her when you guys talk coz clearly she looks for information to throw you under the buss and make you look like a bad person"
AITAH for being mad my parents want me to go to a community college? PLEASE READ,"I don’t know if I’m being dramatic or unreasonable, but I am so disappointed that my parents want me to go to a community college. I have neglected almost every other aspect in my life to just studying. I even did the IB program because my whole life the goal was to go to a good university and get a good job like most people want. However, because my parents also support my older sister and my brother, I have applied to universities that have a good reputation and support my career well but at the same time give full rides, however it is not always guaranteed. So far universities have offered me 60k-40k scholarships for each year of university. However, despite this my dad is unwilling to pay the remaining amount, stating he can’t afford it and for me to go to community college. However, I can’t help but find this unfair, as he’s been fully supporting my sister through university (she’s halfway done), and invests almost all his time and money on my younger brother's baseball career. travel teams, equipment, coaching all of it. But me? The only thing I ever did was study and get good grades for my future and now I'm being told to go to community college. It just feels so unfair. How come they get to explore their dreams the way they want with the best resources to help them succeed but I just get told to go to Malaysia and places like Spain to study (not that they don’t have good resources but just not where I want to study my career). like why did I try so hard in school? Why did I stress myself out with IB and grades and exams if this was the outcome anyway. If I knew they weren't going to support me going to university I honestly wouldn't have tried this hard. I could've done the bare minimum and still ended up in the same place. When I asked my parents why they didn't start a college fund for me when they knew they were having me, my dad just said “because my parents didn't do it for me.” ok?? so because your parents didn't support you, that's just how it's supposed to be? then why have kids if you can't afford to support them? Why repeat the same thing and punish your kids just because your parents did it to you. That logic makes zero sense to me. At this point I feel so unmotivated and tired. like why even keep doing IB or care about school anymore if none of it matters. It feels like all my effort was for nothing and I'm honestly really resentful. and what makes me even so much more madder is that I could’ve enjoyed so much more of my high school years making memories instead of studying so hard in the end to receive nothing. So am I wrong for being mad about this? Is it that I can’t understand my parents' perspective?","NTA but you can't force him to pay. If you truly want to go the university route, you might have to find the funding yourself. But keep the unfairness in mind for whenever they need anything from you."
AITAH for keeping payment for work I completed after a former Boss claimed it was his?,"A few years ago, I worked as a subcontractor under a guy for about three years. He handled talking to management, and I did all the actual work. At the time, I was new to the trade and didn’t mind the arrangement.

Over time, I became very good at the work and ended up doing essentially 100% of the jobs myself. Everyone on site knew it. He mostly spent his time talking to managers and socializing, and he would sometimes make jokes at my expense. They weren’t outright insults, but they were enough to make me feel like he didn’t take me seriously or respect my work.

Later, his son moved into town and he asked me to train him. I agreed, but it quickly became clear that his son had no real skills in the trade. When my next paycheck came, the guy took half of my pay and gave it to his son, saying he was “part of the team.” I reminded him that I was a subcontractor, not an employee. (even though he told everyone that I am his employee - but his company paid my company as a subcontractor ) After that, I realized he had never been paying me properly, never showed invoices, and paid me a flat rate instead of per job.

Not long after, his wife moved out of state and he followed her. I took over the work on my own and started doing well financially.

Fast forward about three years.

I was subcontracted for jobs in another state and saw his name listed on the same work platform. When I saw him on the job site, my first thought was that he might try to pull something similar to before — letting me do all the work while he took the credit. Because of that, I made sure I was clearly representing myself. I wore my uniform with my company logo visible at all times.

Despite that, he went around talking to managers and others on site, telling them that it was “his job site,” that everything belonged to him, and that the work I was doing was actually his company’s work.

At that point, I knew he might try to screw me over, so I focused on protecting myself. I went over the top with documentation. I document all my work using an iPad and a job documentation app. Every job includes before-and-after photos taken before work begins and after completion, my company logo and automatic timestamps, physical signatures, and digital attachments that are automatically sent to both the broker and the approving manager.

Jobs continued, and I completed every single one myself. He mostly did what he always did — talked to managers, socialized, and joked around. At one point he said, “Just like old times, right?” I agreed, but I was already being cautious.

Two weeks later, I got a call from the manager saying they needed proof of work and signatures because he had claimed his company completed the jobs.

Because of my documentation, I was able to immediately prove I did the work. The manager apologized and issued my payment.

A week later, he called me furious, saying that money was his and that when I said “just like old times,” that meant we were splitting the pay like before. I asked if he had actually done any of the work. He admitted he hadn’t, but said our “deal” was that I do the work and he talks to management.

I told him the jobs came through a broker, not him, and that I completed them independently. He got angry, cursed me out, and said his wife was upset because they bought a new truck expecting to be paid for the work he claimed he was doing.

He’s now threatening to sue me.

On top of that, he has a large social circle and has been telling people that I ruined his life. Friends of his have been leaving comments on my Instagram and Facebook calling me an asshole, saying I stole his money, and blaming me for his financial situation.

Here’s where I’m conflicted: I feel justified because I did the work and protected myself — but I also didn’t explicitly tell him ahead of time that I was getting paid directly and that he wouldn’t be. I anticipated he might try to take credit, documented everything to protect myself, and now I’m wondering if that makes me the asshole.

So, AITA for keeping the money for work I personally completed and not telling him upfront that I would be paid instead of him — even though I believed he would try to take credit for my work?","NTA

You took all the right steps to protect yourself. Its unfortunate he got zero in writing so he would get paid. If it goes to court, you have more than enough documentation to back up your claims you did all the work. I would suggest turning off commenting capabilities in your social media accounts. Once the dust settles, if it goes to court, post your proof, after the verdict is given. That way you can clear any misunderstandings created by him."
AITAH for not staying my step kids,"My husband and his first wife divorced  and I met him when his children were young (5&8).  We moved in together about a year later.  My family is very comfortable and my father is generous so he bought the house we live in as a wedding gift to me prior to our marriage.  My husband and his ex agreed it would be best to put the kids in this school district so our address has been the primary residence this entire time.

My husband and I are divorcing.  He was in a lot of debt when we married and my father negotiated a prenup that says he basically leaves with what he brought into the marriage. In the years we were married, he paid off his debt so he will be fine but real estate has exploded so he has no chance of getting into this neighborhood.  There are other good school districts in the area, just not as good as this one.

Everything about this house reminds me of our failed marriage.  I want to move away and start over.  My company has an office in a city that I've always enjoyed visiting and I think the change will be good for my mental health.  I told my ex I will stay til the end of the school year for the kids, but both my ex and the kids mom are screaming at me about how awful I am. How i'm ruining the kids future and punishing them when the divorce is not their fault.

They are great kids and I miss them so much. The oldest is in high school and Im sure it sucks to change schools as a teenager.    I havent seen the oldest since they moved out.  The youngest stopped by with her dad to exchange Christmas gifts with me and does text sometimes, but she is on so many activities that shes always busy.

I dont want to put my life on hold anymore.  I want to start over, maybe meet someone and have kids of my own.  This house is big and lonely now.  Am I really awful?

  
EtA: since everyone is asking, I dont think he can afford the house even at a discount.  The market went crazy since my father bought it and its worth a lot.  He has a good job, but not that good.   This neighborhood is really popular right now.  I could rent to him, but the thought of him bringing other women to my house....Id rather rent to his first ex-wife. ","NTA, he can buy the house from you if he needs to have that address or rent a smaller house/apartment in the area. You shouldn't be hostage to your ex for kids that dont even seem like they have a great relationship with you.  "
AITAH for wearing sweats in front of my husband's fancy boss ?,"My husband (26m) and I (26f) got married last November. Before we got married, he got a major promotion in October. 

This weekend, he gave out his car to get some type of enhancement. He was going to use a service to go work on Saturday. But since he was going to hang with me after work, I offered to pick him up from work. I was wearing the grey sweats when I made that offer on Saturday morning. He didn't say anything about how I was dressed.

When I came to pick him. As he was about to go in the car, a woman called put his name and rushed over. I recognized her as his boss. To paint a picture, her blouse, blazer, shirt, shoes, handbag, makeup, and hairstyle all looked fancy, sophisticated, and rich. She's in her 40s. 

She came to the driver's side window and she seemed excited to meet me. I existed the car. She was super nice to me. Example, she said she wished she could have come to the wedding. Saying that we're a gorgeous couple. 

On the trip home, my looked annoyed. At home, I asked my husband what's up. He said he's embarrassed his boss saw me looking like this. That we wished I looked better when I met his boss. I asked him why didn't he tell me to dress up. He said he didn't think he had to. Am I the asshole ?","Honestly its a little weird that he felt that way, especially because you and his boss had a good meeting. Its not like you knew youd be meeting his boss either, he sounds kinda childish tbh."
AITAH For not reminding my mom of my surgery?,"On mobile, sorry for formatting. 

I had a surgery last Tuesday (1/6), where everything went as planned. This surgery had been planned for 3 months and I had told my immediately family about it multiple times, as I needed someone to come stay with me over night the first night.  

My grandmother (father’s mother) volunteered and was with me for 3 days following surgery. On the day of surgery, I didn’t hear from my mother until around 9pm, when she sent me a picture of my sister’s cat. I didn’t respond because drugs but I did decide in that moment to not remind my mom I had surgery. 

On Thursday, my mother called me to ask if I could still officiate marriages (I can); she decided to marry her latest bf at our family reunion this summer without telling the rest of the family. I let her chat on about all this without interrupting but my grandmother decided to insert herself. She very loudly asked me if my mom was calling to check up on me. I told her no and that she was being rude interrupting my phone call. 

My mother went silent then asked who that was. When I told her who it was, she asked if I was getting ready for my surgery. I told it happened Tuesday and she asked “Next Tuesday?”, to which I confirmed that it was the Tuesday that just passed. She quickly wrapped up the call and hasn’t messaged me since. 

My grandmother is saying I’m an asshole for not reminding my mother but this is a pattern for her (my mother) and I had plenty of other things to worry about. 

So AITAH?

For extra backstory:
My parents divorced and separated when I was 4. My dad had full custody and practically raised me himself. His mother stepped in as a mother figure while my mother fucked around during my childhood. She and I are not close. 

When I was 13 I had strep throat so badly I was hospitalized. When I called my mother, terrified and in pain and just wanting my mom, she told me she was at a 4th of July party and that she’d leave to see me if I actually had surgery. My priority in her life hasn’t increased since then but I’m almost 35 now so I’ve gotten used to it. 

Her last marriage she eloped with a man who had (weeks prior) called 15 year old me and left a voicemail threatening all sorts of violence on me when he knew I was home alone. I was so terrified I showed up sobbing at her father’s (my grandfather) house for help. She married him on my 16th birthday without telling anyone, then was surprised when I was upset. ","NTA

Your mother is more of an egg-donor than a mom.  She hasn't put much into the mother/kid relationship, so there's little reason for you to offer her more information than she needs.  I disagree with your grandmother.  Keep people like your mother on an information diet.  Just live your own life."
AITAH for very bluntly telling my gf she shouldn't accept an instagram follow request from a stranger who was likely flirting with her?,"I got a text from my girlfriend (we are long distance) that was kind joking said ""tell me how to reject someone"" with a bunch of skull emojis. I just said Lmao and asked what happened and she called, telling me some random guy at the grocery store complimented her hair, starting talking to her more and asking what she likes to do for fun, ultimately asking for her instagram.  She has trouble saying no to people in general (I know this is true, she is not making an excuse), and she gave him her instagram. She asked me if she should accept the follow request or not and if he was actually flirting, and I told her than there's probably a 90+% chance he was flirting to some degree. I told her she shouldn't accept the request, but she said that made her feel crappy/guilty because of how he may feel by being rejected, and that there's a chance he just wants to be friends. At this point I got pretty blunt with her and told her that he is very likely flirting and that unless she wants to reject some guy in her dms, she shouldn't accept the request and shouldn't feel guilty about it.

She then said she wouldn't, and she understood why, but didn't like my tone. She said I talked down on her and didn't factor in how it would make her feel guilty by not accepting, and that it's not as easy for her to reject someone as it may be for me. She said she felt that it wasn't fair (I can't remember the exact wording) that I thought her position of considering accepting the request was ""kind of crazy,"" because she didn't think my view was crazy. She said I didn't empathize with her and that it irritated her, and that I can't force her to do anything, to which I replied that I wasn't (I even said ultimately it's up to you, but I'd prefer you not to). But she also said that my irritation makes her feel like she had not choice but to ignore the request. AITAH? Truthfully I was quite blunt with her. I honestly still do think it is crazy that she would consider accepting that follow request, but maybe that's not fair?

Edit: She didn't feel like I should have to ""let her"" follow the guy, and she said she wouldn't follow him and understood why. She just didn't like how I said it.",Why was she even asking you? This is all so bizarre.
AITAH for not responding to my dad?,"(first post on reddit so if formatting is weird or there are errors i apologize. i also kind of suck at storytelling so bear with me if i accidentally go on a tangent)

i (22F) just had my birthday and while i was out at dinner my dad apparently called me and had left a voicemail. all the voicemail was was him singing happy birthday and my step mom saying happy birthday OP. for context, i haven’t spoken to either of them in over a year and a half. my relationship with my dad is not a good one and i have a lot of trauma surrounding him.  i don’t want to get into that as i don’t want to trauma dump to a bunch of strangers on the internet lol. it’s important to note that my father did not say anything to me on my 21st birthday nor any other holidays you’d normally text family for (xmas, thanksgiving, etc.) but he acknowledged it by asking my mom about stopping child support. this hurt because turning 21 is a big milestone for a lot of people and the fact later acknowledged it but didn’t apologize and still hasn’t makes this wound still very painful for me.

i was telling my sister about it (she’s my half sister, we have different dads) and she was with a long time childhood friend who was also listening to the story. i know this childhood friend (i’ll refer to her as A) as well, even though she’s closer in age to my sister (4 years older than me) we would often all play together when we were young so i didn’t mind that she was listening in. i was telling my sister how i’m not going to respond to the voicemail since i think it’s best for me and my mental health to not engage. A made a comment about how it’s kind of rude that i wouldn’t respond since he did actually call me this year. she knows that i haven’t talked to him due to that and other pain he has caused me and my mother. my sister said that it’s not rude for me not to respond since i don’t own my father anything but it’s honestly causing me more thought than i hoped. for a long time i had contemplated trying to fix my relationship with my father and it was only two years ago i came to the conclusion that i wouldn’t. i don’t think i’m in the wrong for not responding but A’s comment is making me feel like i’m in the wrong. ","Reminder not to downvote assholes | This is simply a copy of the original text, it is not a sign you did anything wrong | 

Original copy of post's text by /u/One-Birthday-6041: (first post on reddit so if formatting is weird or there are errors i apologize. i also kind of suck at storytelling so bear with me if i accidentally go on a tangent)

i (22F) just had my birthday and while i was out at dinner my dad apparently called me and had left a voicemail. all the voicemail was was him singing happy birthday and my step mom saying happy birthday OP. for context, i haven’t spoken to either of them in over a year and a half. my relationship with my dad is not a good one and i have a lot of trauma surrounding him.  i don’t want to get into that as i don’t want to trauma dump to a bunch of strangers on the internet lol. it’s important to note that my father did not say anything to me on my 21st birthday nor any other holidays you’d normally text family for (xmas, thanksgiving, etc.) but he acknowledged it by asking my mom about stopping child support. this hurt because turning 21 is a big milestone for a lot of people and the fact later acknowledged it but didn’t apologize and still hasn’t makes this wound still very painful for me.

i was telling my sister about it (she’s my half sister, we have different dads) and she was with a long time childhood friend who was also listening to the story. i know this childhood friend (i’ll refer to her as A) as well, even though she’s closer in age to my sister (4 years older than me) we would often all play together when we were young so i didn’t mind that she was listening in. i was telling my sister how i’m not going to respond to the voicemail since i think it’s best for me and my mental health to not engage. A made a comment about how it’s kind of rude that i wouldn’t respond since he did actually call me this year. she knows that i haven’t talked to him due to that and other pain he has caused me and my mother. my sister said that it’s not rude for me not to respond since i don’t own my father anything but it’s honestly causing me more thought than i hoped. for a long time i had contemplated trying to fix my relationship with my father and it was only two years ago i came to the conclusion that i wouldn’t. i don’t think i’m in the wrong for not responding but A’s comment is making me feel like i’m in the wrong. 


*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AITAH) if you have any questions or concerns.*"
AITAH for wanting to lick my girlfriend’s shoes/boots/heels?,"This is a throwaway account for obvious reasons. So, I (20M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (19F) for a couple of months now. Overall, we’re very compatible. There is emotional chemistry.. we share similar values/principles, and we also have similar goals/plans for the future.

However, sexually, there’s a major issue. I have a strong foot/shoe fetish, and this is something I’ve had since childhood. It’s not porn-induced.. I felt these desires long before I felt conventional sexual attraction. For me, it’s a deeply ingrained part of my sexuality. I’m also strongly submissive and get pleasure from being beneath a woman, kneeling, obeying, and acts like licking/kissing her shoes.

My girlfriend isn’t interested in this at all. She finds it gross and dehumanizing and has made it clear she doesn’t want to participate. I respect that she doesn’t want to do something she’s uncomfortable with. However, this fetish is not a small or optional thing for me, it’s central to my sexual needs.

Because of that, I told her that we might be sexually incompatible and that my needs aren’t being met, so it may be better for us to part ways. She responded by saying I was selfish for prioritizing a kink or fetish over the relationship itself.

The problem is that I feel extremely sexually deprived and frustrated. It’s reached a point where even the thought of cheating crosses my mind, even though I know it’s wrong and I don’t want to do it.

So, AITAH for feeling this way and considering ending the relationship over sexual incompatibility?",NTA. If you aren't compatible you aren't compatible. And part of that is the physical realtionship.
AITAH for reporting my unhinged friend to the authorities?,"Bare with me, this will be long...  skip to the ⚠️⚠️ part if you want a quick read. 

Maybe this doesn't add much to the main part of the story but i dont have anyone to talk to, so this is my way of kind of venting. 
For a little context, this was my best friend for about 2 years. We met through a mutual church going friend back in 2022 exchanged numbers and I didn't hear from her until 2023 when she suggested we go get some ice cream. At the time i was out of state and told her id be glad ro hang when I got back. 
So that's what we did. I thought she was pretty chill. I was so happy to have a female friend that believed the same things I did. Little did I know....
I should have seen the red flags. Every time we hung out, she had me drive her everywhere and pay for her stuff. At first I didnt mind because that's what friends do, right?
Our relationship took a bad turn in October of last year. I originally planned to spend Halloween with my husband and daughter but she wanted to go trunk or treating and my husband didnt mind so we decided to make it a girls day. She wanted me to do her hair and we would go buy costumes and hang out all day. On the night of the 30th she texts me asking if i could pick a friend up. Someone (a minor) i never met and who lived an hour away from me in a different direction   by the way my friend also lives an hour and a half in the opposite direction. I told her I was not bringing a stranger into my car with my daughter and that it was unreasonable to expect me to drive a total of five hours that day because i was also expected to drop this stranger off. A few hours later she texts me saying she was feeling mentally drained and didnt know if she wanted to hang and canceled our plans. So I went back to my original plan of just hanging with my husband and daughter. On the morning of the 31st (Halloween) Dem (we'll call her that) texts me bright and early around 7 am that she does actually want to hang. I didnt read the message until 11 am and told her it wouldnt work today. 
I didn't hear from her until the first of November asking if I could come do her hair and be done by 4 pm since she works then.  I told her the style she wants typically takes 5 hours, and I couldnt drive all the way to her place, set everything up and be done by 4 and I would not be rushed. She got upset and told me I was making her out to be a liar because she told another friend she couldn't hang out that day because she was getting her hair done. I said that I never agreed and she shouldnt have told anyone else that before running it by me first. 
Finally a week later i had some time and told her i could do her hair then. But that I needed to leave before it got dark.
So i went over we hung out for a bit went shopping and ate out, everything was fine until we got to her apartment around 1 pm. 
In total she took 15 smoke breaks that took five minutes each plus needing to stretch. I kept telling her I needed to leave before it got dark because I cannot see good enough to drive at night. She assured me I would leave before 6 pm. I braided her hair all the way and went to put it in a pony tail then she decided the extensions I put in were not long enough. So I took several out as quick as I could and added more. When I put it in a ponytail she didnt like how small it was and wanted a big poofy one. Again I took it out and fixed it. Finally she was satisfied.
 It was around 6 30 now and I was packing up to leave when she told me she had a date coming by that night and needed help with her makeup. It was already dark and I was a bit upset but it wasnt getting darker so I decided to stay another half hour helping her with her makeup. First it wasnt light enough, then not dark enough, her contour wasnt sharp enough, and her nose looked too big  (im a professional makeup artist btw) so I had to completely change her look. It was now 8 and a chance of snow soon I told her I had to go. I packed my stuff and kid up and left. 
I got home around 11 pm and checked my phone to see a message from her. It was a picture of one of her extensions pulled out. Apparently she and her little boyfriend had been rough housing and he messed her hair (my 5 hours of work)  up. She said if I had done this or that it wouldnt have happened. Btw I did all this for free. She tried to laugh it off as if she wasnt actually mad but I was. 
We didnt talk much for a few days. Then her mext favor was wanting to hang out with me and my husband's family for Thanksgiving. Meaning I would go pick her up, bring her here for the day and night,  and take her back in time for her job early in the morning. I told her I dont drive in the snow because of previous accidents, she kept telling me everything would be okay and God would protect us. But I told her straight up I wasnt doing it. 
She said it was cool and asked for help with something else. 

⚠️Here's where it gets weird ⚠️

She has been obsessed with this man for years. And has wanted to get in a relationship with him but he always turned her down. Apparently he recently got a girlfriend who looks a lot like her, Dem didnt like that. And she would go into details how she wanted to off this girl and if that didn't work make up stories to her boyfriend to get them broken up, the only thing is her and her boyfriend were very private. Their Facebook didn't have any mention of each other and they only had one picture together. Dem is dumb as a pile of rocks and didnt know how to do any type of detective work so she asked me to find this girl. It wasnt hard to do, I found her name, address, all her social media handles, and where she went to school (BTW im not a creep this was things readily available you just have to know where to look) but as Dem kept talking to me I realized maybe handing this information over was not so smart. I didnt take her offing the girlfriend comment too seriously thats why I was gathering the information for her but as I listened  to the things she said and read between the lines of her messages I decided to have a talk with her. I told her I knew about her past, she went to jail for assault, I knew about her mental issues, I have a cop friend who has files on her and told me just enough to know she has a few screws loose up in there, and I told her I didnt feel comfortable handing over this information because I was not going to sit in a cell with her because I became an accomplice in whatever she decided to do. 
Then radio silence. I didnt hear anything from her for 2 weeks. Then I got a bunch of weird messages from her acting holier than thou, picking on me because i do comedy skits on tiktok, and next thing I know, im blocked because I am no longer favored by God since I stopped letting her use me. 
So now im thinking about going to the police station and giving them the dozens  of screenshots I have of her being unhinged and deranged.  I know some people will say im doing this because im hurt she ruined our friendship and that's part of it, but also because some others have helped me to see she is a menace to society and needs to be put in rehabilitation of some sort. Tell Mr, Reddit,  would i be the asshole?","So, people can be dramatic when they talk. But saying off the woman coupled with everything else? That's definitely dangerous territory."
AITAH My ex is waging a personal war on me through our kids and I’m tired of being treated like it’s “just co-parenting.” How us this happening?,"I’m divorced. Two daughters. One is 18, one is 15. Their dad, ""Chad"", has decided that the best way to “move on” is to turn everyday parenting into a power contest with me.
He doesn’t yell at me in person. He does something better. He rewrites reality, delays basic decisions, dumps responsibility onto the kids, and then accuses me of harassment when I ask questions that any functional parent would ask.
Examples from the last few months:
• My daughter was injured during his parenting time. She sent me photos of her ankle swelling. I told him she needed urgent care. He delayed it for over 8 hours. He never contacted me. His wife gave the updates instead.
• When my daughter asks him about clarinet lessons or her learner’s permit, he deflects with “I’ll talk to her” instead of answering me directly. He keeps pushing adult responsibilities onto a teenager so he doesn’t have to engage.
• When I calmly assert a boundary or say I’ll continue communicating as a parent, he calls it “harassment” and tells me to stop texting. I stop. Then he sends another message accusing me of harassment again. It’s like DARVO in real time.
• He tells the girls I’m “the bitch.” Not to my face. To our daughters.
• He accuses me of “passing messages through the kids” while actively making the kids carry communication because he won’t talk to me.
• He gets furious when I buy the girls things he doesn’t want to help pay for, then complains I’m “costing him too much money.” Meanwhile he claims his parents raised him with nothing so the kids should just deal.
• He literally told me I was “contaminating his house with my money.”
• He tried to tell me I’m only allowed to contact him about bills. Not about school. Not about medical care. Not about our kids.
This is not co-parenting. This is control with a clipboard.
The worst part is watching my daughters try to manage his moods. They’re careful about what they tell me because they’re scared he’ll punish them. My older daughter plays peacekeeper. My younger one still tells me everything and then worries about getting in trouble for it.
I’m not trying to “win.” I’m trying to keep my kids emotionally safe while their father uses silence, contempt, and false accusations to feel powerful.
He doesn’t realize he’s teaching them exactly who he is.
I used to shrink to keep things calm. Now I don’t. And suddenly I’m the problem.
Funny how that works.

***Update***Email to myself documenting mediation yesterday

Summary
Date: January 13, 2026
Matter: Parenting communication, financial contribution disputes, co-parenting boundaries
Parties Present:
Michelle Murphy (Mother)
Chad Blank (Father)
Court-appointed mediator
Overview
The mediation deteriorated into an unbalanced confrontation in which Chad Blank dominated the session through hostile, accusatory, and emotionally coercive language. The mediator failed to interrupt, redirect, or establish boundaries around repeated personal attacks, resulting in Michelle Murphy being placed in a defensive position rather than a problem-solving one.
The session did not function as mediation. It functioned as a platform for Chad to deliver a character attack under the appearance of process.
Chad’s Conduct
1. Repeated False Allegations
Chad asserted that Michelle:
Is a habitual liar.
Intentionally harms the children.
Causes problems in his household.
Uses money to exert control.
Passes messages through the children inappropriately.
These claims were presented without evidence and contradict Michelle’s documented communications and financial records.
2. Emotional Aggression
Raised voice and contemptuous phrasing.
Framed boundary-setting as malicious behavior.
Used moralizing and demeaning tone.
3. Financial Shaming
Chad stated he would not “contaminate” his household with Michelle’s money and implied her support of the children was harmful rather than responsible parenting.
4. Narrative Control
Denied receiving emails Michelle has records of sending.
Reframed his lack of response as her misconduct.
Presented long-standing issues as if they originated solely from her recent boundary-setting.
5. Misuse of “Harassment”
Chad labeled Michelle’s calm, necessary co-parenting communication as harassment despite no escalation or inappropriate volume of messaging.
Mediator Conduct
Failure to Intervene
The mediator did not redirect or set boundaries when Chad engaged in character attacks, financial shaming, or false global claims about Michelle’s parenting.
Outcome
The mediation did not result in constructive negotiation. It reinforced a pattern of Chad using authority settings to control rather than collaborate.
Personal Impact Statement (Private Record)
The mediation failed not because compromise was impossible, but because it permitted one parent to emotionally prosecute the other without accountability.
Michelle entered to discuss parenting logistics.
She left having been put on trial for existing.",you know you're NTA right? maybe it'll be better if your daughters don't stay in their father's house while you guys settles things out... i feel like since that's how your ex behaves he may have given them trauma that you didn't even heard of until now. please prioritize safety of your kids. if he don't want to co-parent then F him he doesn't deserve to be their father and be in their lives
AITAH - Emotional Affair + His Addiction,"I am opening myself up to a lot of criticism, but I need perspective...


- I got married at 18 and moved countries to be with my husband
- He treated me mostly well, but when I'd try to go out with friends and experience life a bit, he'd get controlling
- After 2 years he started name calling (sl*t, etc) and getting angry if I tried to stay with female colleagues after work for a drink.
- A man at work noticed. He started pursuing me. We had an emotional affair. I felt controlled, I wanted out, and I wanted support in order to leave my husband.
- After telling my husband I am leaving and want a divorce, signing for an apartment etc, I let the other man kiss me. It was a way to seal the moving on.
- My husband begged for me back. I came back under certain conditions, like him needing organise some trips for me to see my family and never speaking to me the way he had.


- 3 children and 14 years later, he confessed to a porn addiction 
- it had spiralled into him ignoring every need, barely helping around the house, and staying up most nights to look at porn 
- he created AI porn about colleagues, my friends, mums at school, and admitted to being able to be attracted to most anything, including my mother 
- it gets worse but I can't post it here
- I gave him grace. I cried. I ached. I told him what hurt but told him I will leave it to him to handle this and repair it. I didnt assassinate his character. That was 6 months ago. He seems to have stopped, but has struggled with ED on and off as a result of the addiction

- Meanwhile, I am a sales executive. I had a male client hitting on me
- I put strong boundaries in place and kept it professional but after my husband's porn confession, I slipped.. I allowed more conversations. He saw me in a way I had not be seen in a long time. Remembered small details about me. I felt desired again.
- it does count as an emotional affair because I hid our texts. We never did anything physical, ever. There were no plans, no romantic confessions from my end.
- I never pursued him or said romantic things. He did, and I would mostly shut it down and would never reciprocate.
- but I still messed up. I was very wrong. I have reopened a very old wound for my husband and it's not ok, at all.

I admitted all of this to my husband when he found a text. He is angry. He accused me of sleeping with the man, of our children not being his, of his parents always being right about me (they regularly accused me of things that are not true).

AITA?
Are we both? ","Yikes. I’d just count it as a total loss and dip. Yes, you’re both the AH. You deserve to be with someone who will make you happy, but cheating is always a shitty thing to do."
AITAH for feeling this way,"I’m a 19-year-old female, and I turned 19 in late November 2025. I had plans to spend my birthday with my grandparents and my aunt, who I’ll call Ella (she’s 30). About a week before my birthday, Ella asked me what I wanted as a gift. She suggested a few ideas, like a gift card or going out to dinner. I chose a gift card because I wasn’t sure I’d have time to go out to dinner anytime soon.

On the day of my birthday, we were originally supposed to go to a buffet, but I decided I just wanted to stay home. Everyone was okay with that, and we planned to celebrate the following week with more family instead. The next week came, and my other aunt gave me a gift, which I absolutely loved. However, Ella never gave me anything.

I don’t expect gifts from anyone, and I don’t want to seem greedy. But I wouldn’t ask someone what they wanted for their birthday and then not follow through, which is why this hurt. When Christmas came around, Ella kept saying she was going to buy gifts for my cousins and me, but she never did. Despite that, I bought her a Christmas gift for the first time this year. I was really excited to give it to her, but she didn’t say thank you. Instead, she complained and said it wasn’t what she wanted.

I ignored it outwardly, but inside I was really hurt and ended up crying. I love my aunt a lot, and even though we don’t always get along, we try. This situation just really upset me. I don’t understand why she would ask me what I wanted for my birthday and then not get me anything. I’m not angry—just hurt and confused. It feels like she may not like me, especially since this isn’t the first time she’s acted this way toward me.
","Speaking as someone in my 30’s, this is not the behavior of a mature adult. Nor one that has things together. I wouldn’t take it personally. It sounds more like a personal issue and not about you. Even her reaction to your gift was wildly immature. I wouldn’t take just attempt to match her energy. Not by making empty promises or complaining. But if she doesn’t get you gifts, don’t worry about getting her gifts. And don’t expect her to be someone who will follow through on promises. And you are fine for being disappointed. That is normal."
AITAH for no longer wanting closure from my ex?,"I was with an ex for 2 months. I got incredibly attached, saw a future with them, and when it ended, I was devastated.

It took me about 2 years to genuinely heal and to be able to see things more objectively, rather than through rose colored glasses.

On December 8th, I sent a script that included everything I felt. Everything that felt unresolved.

They agreed to give feedback, but that it would take a while as they're busy.

But within the past week, I stopped waiting for a response. I stopped checking the messages. I almost considered messaging them ""It's fine; I don't need feedback on it"".

AITA?

I feel like I don't need the closure anymore and it's making me question a lot. I'm not used to not needing them for closure or not caring about what they think of me, but I'm noticing a huge shift.

","Wait, you dated someone for two months and then messaged them two years later about it? wanting closure? 

Move on, lmao. 

NTA, you're definitely a little weird though."
Aitah cause I cared more about my privacy being leaked than thier hurt?,"For context, I am F(17) and i have a bf, i went to him about my day and the what makes me sad or upset or my traumas. So recently my ""friends"", especially A and Z decided to go through my texts. Well to be exact, i logged in to my account from A's phone and i later told her to log out of it like few months back, then during November once our exams got over, my friends were avoiding me. A few days after that, Z decides to drag me to the canteen and was like i wanna show u something, prior to this, Z made a whole thing about how this girl hurt her and how it was so bad and how that person who hurt her she still loves them very much.

I thought it was about someone else so I was like pretty curious, but like most of my ""friends"" also popped up and then z decided to pull out my texts with my bf and be like how can u speak about this to him? Whatever i spoke to him was not anything outright bad, at the worst I told him she was a lot for me and i forget about it after i said it, so I never attached any weight to it.

S had my account and was ""curious"" so she went through my chats and didn't like what she saw in there and sent it to everyone else without me knowing and then they all basically did a group confrontation with me.
I even apologised for what I said in there and told them it was just jokes and i didn't even remember that, but then when i was like it's my privacy tho. How can u go through it? They were like i told you she'll be more worried about her phone than about us. Which makes me go, am I the asshole for being concerned about my privacy being gone? I apologized but I can't bring myself to ever look at them the same way again. 




- Give insights cause i would love to know other people's opinions on this
- it's a confusing situation, so feel free to comment ","This isn't a normal, respectful, or kind relationship.
Friends do not invade each other's privacy; friends don't publicly expose each other.

Change your passwords and keep these people at arms length. Protect yourself."
AITAH for NOT changing a contact name that was a joke.,"So for context I F23 and my boyfriend “chase” M25 have been off and on for the last 5 years. I cut off family and moved states to be with him when I was 18. Last year he moved back to our home state and left me in the new state with his family. And he was moved out and we were broken up for 10 months. He moved out the beginning of January. I had made friends the months Chase was gone. One of these friends was “Dave”. I did have a short fling with someone while Chase was gone and I turned to Dave after the fling ended because I was upset. Dave and I became best friends and the inside joke was he is my baby daddy. I do not have kids, there was a pregnancy scare. Dave jokingly said “oh word, I’ll be the dad”. The joke was a funny inside joke between us. I made that his contact name and didn’t think about it.

Fast forward to Chase moving back up. Chase called me the night before to tell me he was moving back up. But like not only was he moving up but he was bring his girlfriend along too. That news alone was enough to send me to a spiral.

Well after I told Dave the situation, he confessed his feelings to me. I didn’t feel the same and I let him know, and we continued to be friends.

Chase moves in and decides that he’s still in love with me, and leaves the chick he moved up with, and wants to fix things with me. While the chick he moved up with was still living in my house. I told him, that she and I needed to have a conversation before anything progressed between him and I. I wanted to make sure it was over between them before I got into anything. She told me it was over between them. The relationship began again with Chase. It was early October when this took place.

(Mind you I know I was stupid for taking Chase back since he cheated the first time with his sister’s best friend. That’s a story in itself.)

Chase didn’t not like that I had a guy best friend whom confessed his feelings to me. I explained this to Dave and we cut down communication to almost none because he respected my relationship. I never changed his contact name from “baby daddy” I honestly never even thought about it.

Fast forward to about a week ago. I reached out to Dave for a question about our job. We don’t work for the same company but our work coincides with each other. Chase saw the conversation and the contact name, and flew off the handles.

Chase now says that I messed up and ruined our relationship, he says he doesn’t love anymore because of it.

AITAH for NOT changing a contact name that was a joke?

Edit: this is not a “tit for tat” I made the contact name while Chase and I were not together and living in different states. When Chase asked me to stop taking to him, I did up until it was the question about work. Not once before did he say he had any issues with the contact name prior to him flipping out on me. I have forgiven him for everything he has done.",Racoons in a dumpster
AITAH crazy for thinking what my mom and sister are doing to the dog is abuse.,"So my mom got us a dog when I was in about seventh grade. I’m in college now the dog was a Great Dane. and I love this dog the most out of my two other siblings. I was the one who really bonded with my dog. I would sleep with his dog I would go and walk with my dog, etc. His dog was my best friend the first few years

My mom essentially made us go live with our dad and that kind of put a strain on me being able to continue  with my dog and then fast forward to when I was college age I ended up moving out because my mom‘s house was a toxic environment and nobody cleaned.

Last year my dog licked a hole in his foot from anxiety and it was so bad. It was blood always dripping. And we would bandage his giant wounded foot daily until eventually my mom made the overdue decision he needed a vet.

He had to get that foot amputated. He got his foot amputated in August 2025 fast forward to January 2026, my dog’s second back foot that was perfectly fine before now has the same problem that his other amputated foot had before it was amputated he has licked the hole through this foot. 

My dog is now on three legs and his one back leg is missing half a paw. I’m not exaggerating at all, there is a giant swollen open wound in my dogs foot. As of now this would has been there and open for the last few months. 

Now I know my dog is stressed licking because of his living environment, which includes a house that is for lack of better word dirty. My mom’s house was built in the 60s and it’s an older house. She’s in charge of taking care of it and upkeep herself. But my mom‘s house is nowhere near sanitary. My mom and sister. Keep my dog in this house by herself all day with an open wound on his foot. They leave the house all day because it’s not really fun to be there. They leave the dog here every day with 2 1/2 legs. I flat out told my sister what they’re doing is animal ause yet she wants to act like it’s not animal abuse to keep your dog in your dirty house all day with a giant hole in his foot that he licked.","So the dog isn't even that old. I would bring the dog to the humane society and tell them you found the dog limping outside. This is abuse and the dog is obviously in pain. I'm guessing he/she is allergic to something in the house, could be the filth.  Licking is a common symptom of allergies. They could have at least tried antibiotics ointments or Benadryl, even an aspirin for pain here and there isn't going to kill the dog but may take some pain away. I think you should bring him to a no kill shelter. They will fix him up if it's possible. I hate to say it but even if they can't, they would at least put him out of his misery."
AITAH For financially cutting off my cousin.,"Don't get me wrong he's been through a lot in life and I've been trying to get him right but he dropped out of college And than wasted his settlement money of around 50-75K on a hellcat. I told him before he got the money to get a nice Honda or something reliable and than get an apartment . 

It's his money so it is what it is but now he has no money for his insurance and is still stuck at his grandad's house. I told him financially I can't afford to support him anymore because it's true and he just wastes his money on drugs and designer clothes. He's younger so I understand but the only time he talks to me now is when it's about money  .I've been trying to help him with finding a job or enlisting in the service but it's a work in progress. But as of now money wise I just don't see the point when he just wastes it or goes to parties etc .

He basically called me fake because I stopped sending him money when Ive been supporting him since his mother passed but it's like he's trying to guilt me into taking care of him when that's not my responsibility. I'll help when I can but In ways that don't directly require me to give money.",NTA. He can sell the hellcat. 
AITAH for being mad at my mother for not replacing underwear when she ruined some of mine? Or for struggling with my mental health?,"I'm 26F and my mother is 61F. We are forced to live together and do not get along at all. She's very toxic and always acts like I'm the problem and she's always right. She forces Christianity on me when she knows I'm not a Christian and always tells me I'm going to hell or that she should have put me up for adoption.

Possible trigger warning? IDK. Hygiene issues are talked about as well as mental health issues and toxic parenting. 

I struggle with severe depression and go long periods without showering. I have overactive bodily functions and heavy periods which keep me on the toilet most of the time. Therefore, I don't use my underwear as often as my mother does. She has no control over her bowels and often stains her underwear because of it (Like I do with my period). We live somewhere where you have to pay to do laundry and we're below poverty level and unemployed, getting very little money from financial aid. Because of this, we haven't been able to do laundry lately, much less catch up on the piles of it, and she ran out of her underwear. Since we wear the same size underwear, she started using mine without asking (Because she needed underwear and I wasn't using them). A good portion of my underwear were already stained with period blood and couldn't be replaced because we couldn't afford it. Now, because she was using mine, she has ruined some of mine with her bowel movement messes and they'll probably have poop stains by the time they're washed. 

This month, she was able to buy herself a six pack of underwear and got them yesterday. At first, she was talking about getting me a six pack next month but has changed her mind. Now she tells me that since I don't wear my underwear as much because I'll sit bottomless on the toilet for extended periods, she's not buying me any. She acts desperate to save money, thinking I waste everything, and just thinks buying me new underwear would be a waste of money (Despite she's ruined more than one pair of MY underwear). Yet, she's more than willing to spend the money she would spend buying me underwear on other necessities that will be used more OR on movies (Yes movies) we both want. She also denied buying me a cheap necklace I wanted for my March birthday, thinking it would also be a waste since I don't frequently wear my necklaces. I'm absolutely mad that I can't have something cheap for my birthday or even underwear, especially after she ruined some of mine, but she's allowed to buy herself underwear and cheap jewelry, just not for me. 

Back to what I was saying about my severe depression. I do the equivalent of bed rotting but not necessarily in a bed. I'm drained every day and don't have the energy or the motivation to do much beyond bare minimum. I can barely sleep and have to force myself to eat/drink. I have a hard time staying alive because I'm suicidal and personal hygiene is my biggest struggle. I can't brush my teeth because of too many cavities causing me pain. I can't have a regular showering schedule because I don't have the energy/motivation to take those showers. Showers, once I do get in to take them, drain my energy more than my energy is already drained. Because of this, I can go weeks or months without one. I try and explain my reasons for struggling with showers but she thinks I'm just being selfish and making excuses (She thinks my every reason for not doing something is an excuse) to make her suffer with how I smell. She's completely ignoring her own selfishness for buying herself things but not me (Especially underwear) and for shoving her religion down my throat with no care that I'm agnostic/atheist. My feelings, my mental health, my wants, and my needs beyond food and drink don't seem to matter much to her anymore. She only cares about how she feels, how things effect her, and her wants/needs. Oh, and she wouldn't be sad if I killed myself and thinks I'm going to hell no matter what when I die. 

Am I the asshole? ",[removed]
AITAH For skipping church to study for an interview?,"Hi, this is my first time posting on Reddit. I don’t post on here I only listen to stories on YouTube while getting ready so I’m not sure if I’m doing this right but need to know if I’m in the wrong. My (19F) fiancé (20M) got upset with me for skipping church to study for an interview. For some context I’ve been working at a fast food restaurant for a little over a year. It’s an easy job but coworkers don’t pull their weight and there’s not really any benefits. I’ve been looking for a new job for a while because of this. My finances mom works for the state and she helped me find a state job that has good benefits. I applied around thanksgiving but they’ve taken a while to get back to me due to the holidays and just received an email today that I got an interview with them that I scheduled for Thursday morning (it’s currently Tuesday night) so which means I have not much time to prepare for the interview. I am a very social awkward person and I often struggle communicating with people especially people in power, I get nervous and have a hard time thinking of what to say. Because of this I wanted to do some extra research about the job and how to interview in general as I have bombed a few interviews in the past and I’m really wanting to get this job so Im trying to do absolutely everything I could in power to make sure I have the best shot at getting this job. For the purpose of confidentiality I will not be saying what job is but it does not require any college experience which I do not have. My fiancé on the other hand is in school for a type of engineering (again will not be saying what time so I can keep this as confidential as I can). He has never struggled in school nor with talking to people and doesn’t really care about what people think about him/his appearance. He rarely ever gets anxious or emotional so it’s hard for him to understand what I’m feeling when I do. I always struggled in school and with relationships which is also why I did not go to college after highschool. Anyways. He just had an interview for an internship a few days ago and expressed to me that they had asked him a question he did not know that answer to, to prevent this from happening to me I wanted to make sure I did everything I could to be prepared for my interview. We go church 2 times a week every Sunday and Tuesday which I go to with him every week and have only missed a few times for mental health reasons. I had told him an hour before we were supposed to leave that I really would feel more comfortable with my interview if I stayed home and watched some videos, took some notes, and did my best to prepare for the interview because it takes me longer to learn/process things. He freaked out and said I have a whole night to prepare tomorrow and that I can just wait to do it then. I told him I really didn’t feel like that was enough time for me to prepare and would feel more comfortable staying home and working on the interview process. He told me that I don’t read my Bible enough or pray unless it’s over the food(yes I have a hard time reading my Bible sometimes but I pray for my day almost everyday). The amount of anxiety and stress I had been feeling about the interview and having to tell him I wanted to stay home from church caused me to cry. He then told me he didn’t understand why I was crying and that I needed to stop. I told him I was stressed out about it and this was the first job I had gotten an interview for since the summer and really didn’t want to mess it up. He got mad and told me again that I don’t read my Bible enough and that I only want him for every but his churchy side (which is not true and I reassure him of this often). Now I often struggle with losing my temper which this time I did not, I kept my cool and tried explain to him but he blew up. He went into the bathroom mumbling things and slammed the door. He then kicked my work shoes from infront of the door to the middle of the kitchen beofe leaving angrily for chruch. I felt so hurt and even though he might not have understood why I was crying he didn’t even try to or try to comfort me, instead he got upset and acted out. So AITAH for wanting to skip chruch to work on an interview? ","NTA! he wants to show a united front in church, yet is fine being disrespectful to you in private… that doesn’t seem right at all. the kicking of your shoes was unnecessary, and he’s not practicing the word of God that he is so persistent to get you to go listen too. He’s the AH."
AITAH Friends friend convinced for assault,"One of my close friends ex boyfriend/friend was convicted of very serious assault charges. I can’t go into detail, but he will at least stay in prison for up to 10 years and it was to do with a minor.

She is absolutely adamant that he is being falsely accused by this minor despite being convicted. Because of the severity of the crime, I do not feel comfortable remaining friends with her if she chooses as she’s currently doing to stay in contact with this person who committed the crime. 

AITA for saying, I will not be friends with her anymore ","NTA. She’s in denial or she’s an enabler.

People that commit sex crimes against children need to be jettisoned off this planet into the cold dark of space."
AITAH for telling this guy he needs mental help and blocking him on everything?,"I had a good male friend for about two ish months. Or so I thought he was. I told him from the beginning all we would ever be was friends and that I was not looking to date him.

Well apparently this guy thought he could change my mind. We hung out two times in the couple of months I talked to him and he seemed pretty normal. That was until he tried to kiss me and I told him very gently “ I told you from the beginning I was not looking for a relationship with you.” Then I left. 

When I got home my phone was blowing up with texts from him about how no one ever wants to date him, and now he’s severely depressed. I told him he might want some intervention and that his happiness shouldn’t depend on me. With that being said I didn’t feel comfortable being around him anymore because he doesn’t have any respect for my boundaries.

It went quiet for a day. Then I find out he somehow got my parents phone numbers and my close friends phone numbers and was telling them about how horrible of a person I was and that no matter what I say, that we were dating. I was completely baffled. 

I told him to no longer reach out to any of my family as that is crazy stalker behavior. He told me he just wanted everyone to know how much he cared before he died because I broke his heart so bad that he was dying in the hospital. He also said sorry and that he wouldn’t do it again. 

A few days later he does the same thing with another one of my friends and proceeds to send her a picture of her address. At this point we both are thinking something is very wrong with this dude. I block him on everything and she does the same.

Well, I hadn’t heard anything for a few months then I get a random notification on Snapchat. It’s his old Snapchat account. Lo and behold there are hundreds of the same messages.

“What did you do to my brother?” “He’s dead because of you” “you will pay” “you will be served papers” then sends me a picture of a burial site (the same one that pops up first when you type burial site into google). Also to make matters more interesting the guy didn’t have any siblings. 

I blocked him snapchat and changed my username. I also made it where no one can see me to add me on Snapchat anymore.

AITAH here? Or is this guy off his rocker? I’ve had some crazy stuff happen before, but this was the icing on the cake. Like what in the world am I even supposed to think right now.","NTA at all. This guy is deeply unwell and dangerous, and none of that is your responsibility. You didn’t cause his actions, you didn’t “break” him, and you don’t owe him access to you. Reaching out to your parents and friends and sending threats is terrifying. You handled it appropriately by cutting contact. Please trust your instincts and prioritize your safety."
AITAH for ruining my boyfriend and his families social life,"This requires quite a bit of background, so bear with me as I go through the context. Genuine novel of background, I don’t think I can cut anything to paint as clear a picture as possible.

To start, I (19F) met my ex friend group three years ago. The sequence was that I met two people, I will call them Leah and Mike, and gradually they introduced me to their friend group and we all become very close. When I say close, I mean very, very close. We all were homeschoolers, and as someone pretty much raised with a normal childhood with public school friends, I never knew anyone else with my background, this furthered how close I felt to these people and how strong the attachment was. Case in point for that was me and Leah, she became pretty much my sister. Of special note, all of these people had known eachother since they were little kids, and also Mike and Leah were best friends

So flash forward to 2024. I was at this point hanging out with Mike, Leah, and a few other members of the group multiple times a week, and it was so tight knit we all would speak to eachother literally all day either otp or texting, which I had never experienced before in terms of closeness but it was their norm. Like we all were tracking eachother and everything, I just went with it because I liked them so much. So last year I finally met the last member of the group who everyone talked about the most and we will call him Chris. To skip over a lot, me and Chris become fast friends, and I fall head over heels for the guy. I tell Leah, and she literally turned white and started shaking. Turned out Leah was also head over heels for him, which was SHOCKING because Leah had been an out lesbian for over a decade. She told me she was never going to make a move on him, but that I wasn’t allowed to pursue. She told me I was the only person she confessed that to. In the name of girl code I agreed to not go after him, but she let me at least confess to him, and he rejected me. So all good between me and Leah.

The rejection weirdly didn’t make me and Chris’s friendship awkward, and we never spoke about it. Me, Chris, Leah, Mike, and another guy Dan were the gang within this wider homeschool gang (of around 12). We spent a lot of time together, me and Leah were still best friends, but as me and Chris began to talk more it was clear I had never been more compatible with another person in my life, and I still had lingering feelings. I NEVER let my feelings get in the way of our friendship though, as his friendship became way too valuable to me. As me and him got closer a lot stated to change between me and Leah. One time on a weekend getaway, Chris asked to drive my car back to the house, and I gave him the OK. Leah was so furious that I let him drive my car she screamed at me and sped off with Mike in her car back to the house. I didn’t think anything deep of it.

Me and Chris by the time October 2024 came around were texting eachother all the time and routinely on the phone until past midnight. We became each others closest friend, but I still had some feelings. The night before a huge Halloween party a group member was throwing we were on the phone, and I for the first time brought up him rejecting me, just to kindof put it in the coffin. He dropped a bomb and told me he had feelings for me back then despite him rejecting me. All at once I realized the gravity of the mixed feelings he had been giving me for months, and my first thought wasnt about him, but Leah. I knew the instant he said that that it would be over for me and her. At the party for the first time I noticed the tension between me and Leah, it was as thick as concrete for months and I hadnt even noticed. Me and Chris leave the party early and end up dating by the end of the night. 

We wait a bit before telling Mike Leah and Dan, and when we do it’s immediate silence from Leah. Silence for a whole month! Remember we all would speak daily. I wanted to give her space and let her reach out when she was ready. Here was my thought process: Leah was never going to confess to him, I had already been rejected, he was the one interested in and pursuing me. Why would I say no? To cut to the chase, at the next group function the only words she says to me were at the end, where in front of the whole group she said “I hope guilt eats you alive until the day you die.” The rest of the night is spent with her telling me horrible things over text (you stole him from me, he was mine, you stole my friends and I hope you rot in hell, etc), she was so mean it was genuinely a traumatic experience that I still can’t really talk about. I never spoke back to her in the same tone, and reaffirmed I understood what I did and regret not telling her sooner. She wanted space and didn’t reach out until December, which is when I told Mike I was going to tell Chris, then she reached out to stop me from ruining her and Chris’s friendship and pseudo apologized for her reaction.

Background over, now into meat. I didn’t tell a soul what Leah said to me that night. It turned out Mike and Dan had been begging Leah for months (months? I thought she was just upset I didn’t tell her we were dating sooner? That was only a week of time! Foreshadowing…). Well atp it was eating me alive. I had a gut feeling she was spreading rumors about me to the group. Everyone was friends as normal, including Chris and Leah, which would make me want to throw up. After something happened, I finally caved against Leah’s wishes and told him everything and even showed him the messages she sent me. Chris called it with Leah then and there and ended their friendship, which she tried to salvage infinitely more than me and hers, and seeing that also put the nail in the coffin between me and her too. 

So this isn’t too long I need to skip around. 2025 is now here. Leah and I kindof makeup until I find out that since the very beginning, all of the girls in the group had a group chat without me. I realized that Leah and all of the girls in the group had never really been my friend, and my suspicions Leah was spreading rumors was confirmed I lose everyone in one day. But so does Chris. Leah had made everyone believe I was puppeteering Chris to act as my defender against everyone (she probably said this because he sided with me, and not the group), and everyone believed her. This utterly ruined Chris’s social life. Remember that they all knew eachother since forever, that included Chris. Not only him, but his parents, who were friends with the other parents, were unceremoniously cut off. All because of me and Leah. One of the girls met up with me and told me everything Leah said about me and how long everyone had been pretending to like me. “None of us thought you were actually our friend, we thought you were just being nice.” This was on my birthday by the way, just a funny footnote. 

Now we are here. I have moved on as best I could, and try to not think about them. Chris on the other hand is very depressed to have lost everyone, and I can tell it hurts him even deeper than he lets on. AITA for the effect this had? This genuinely is ruining his happiness, and it’s breaking my heart to see how I pretty much ruined his and his families social life by dating him. Sorry if this was wordy, I didn’t want to spare any details and make myself look good. It’s tearing me apart to see him like this. So, AITA? ",I’m still hung up on Leah allegedly being gay but being in love with this guy for years???
AITAH for not returning photos to the bride and groom?,"I am a beginner photographer, more of a hobby for a few years, but I have been doing some weddings. Anyways, this past fall I photographed a couple friend's wedding. Or so I thought they were. I have known him a few years and he not even one, so I was only charging the $50 for the entire thing. From the time I got there until I left was about 4 or 5 hours. Ended with just over 1,200 photos. Meaning editing will be probably twice the time of being there. As I was about to leave the bride asks ""Can I get with you later about payment?"" and with how our relationship was I told her yes. I trusted they'd come to me in the next day or two to take care of it. Even if just asking to pay on payday. Something.

Nope. It's been about 4 months and nothing about payment, but have asked me for photos 3 times. First being the day after wedding. BUT about 2 weeks after the wedding my mom, who both claim is another mother to them, had been hospitalized and was for basically 2 months. Emergency back surgery, diabetic Ketoacidosis almost dying on me, broken leg, and other things. When I asked them for help to help things at my home run smoother while I was 2 hours away and I would be gone for at minimum a week, which is normally NBD I got met with a rude response from the bride about taking care of her home and crickets from the groom. After that even when I've seen them in person they do their best to ignore me and act like I'm beneath them or a bother when I talk directly to them. I was even updating them on her condition when I'd go, but nothing. Just left on read. But this woman is supposed to be a second mom to them. This hurt my mom and I deeply in many ways. As well as hurt and confused my children who thought of them as like an aunt and uncle. Told my kids they'd get them Christmas gifts and when my son sent a message asking if they'd be coming over, not even caring about a possible gift, he even got left on read. Hurting and confusing him more.

Because of that being their behavior AND no payment or mention of it I have decided to not edit their photos yet. I gave her 7 or 8 sneak peeks day after, but nothing since. I feel like I should be paid for doing it like a normal photographer does, and like I've done before, before I go through the photos to even get rid of the trash ones. The personal part just pushes me to not want to out of pettiness. I know it's $50, but it's the principle of it to me... AITAH? 

Sorry if this is a bit scattered. Trying to give details without giving too much detail.. 😅","Even though they are friends, you clearly had a contract with them with terms of payment and deliverables on your part. They're clearly not treating you like a friend, so it is time you act like this is business and keep to the terms of your contract: edited pictures upon receipt of $50 payment.


NTA!"
AITAH for telling a guy to delete himself after me followed me out of a bar,"I (21 female) went to a metal concert, yesterday and afterwards went to rock bar with a few people I knew from the music scene. While we were there we met some other people from the concert and chatted with them. My friends all live in a different county an had to leave for the bus home, and I was left with the other people I didn’t know from the concert. They seems ok, as we had inside jokes and had been having a laugh for a good amount of time. For context there was 2 older men in their 40s and one younger guy 24, Daniel. 

Now I know I’m a pretty girl and I get a lot of the wrong attention even though I’m just trying to have a nice time with my friends or in this situation with some randomers, this is a very normal thing to make new friends on nights out where I’m from so I did feel ok in this situation. 

HOWEVER, this guy Daniel starts cracking on to me (flirting) when I’ve already established I have a boyfriend multiple times, and I ask him to stop. He also asked me out for coffee just as friends because he thinks I’m such an amazing person to be around etc etc (that was said in a sarcastic manner) 

My bf ends up FaceTiming me as he’s currently in France and calls me every night. During this ft, Daniel grabs the phone from me and starts talking to me bf (I can’t hear him). I take my phone to the bathroom and talk to my bf 1 on 1 and he told me that Daniel was being really weird saying he was gonna look after me and take me out to coffee etc etc when I’ve already said no set my boundaries. I went so far as to say why would I be friends with someone who clearly just fancies me that’s not a good foundation for a friendship and would make me very uncomfortable considering I’m in a very happy and healthy relationship. 

So, I hang up with my bf go back out to Daniel and to him that I don’t appreciate what he said to my boyfriend as I clearly set a boundary and he is not respecting that. Then holy mother of god, he started 😐 like man was telling me he cheated on “the love of his life” with HER BESTFRIEND 🧍‍♀️ HUH!? I was like okay? What does this have to do with you not respecting me ? Your just doubling down on not having any regard for women at all if she was the love of your life yk, anyways he kept going on and I kept trying to bring it back to the point I was making but I just gave up and was like right I don’t want to listen to this so I got up and left. 

I’m a good few metres away from the bar at this stage and I look to my right HES THERE HES AFTER FUCKING FOLLOWING ME OUT OF THE PUB. 

I stop I’m like “What ? Okay you’re being really weird, what do you want from me?” 

He said he wanted to ask me a question because I was honest and it just went fucking down hill from there, he went on about being a terrible person and how he was abused growing up and how all his family were drug addicts etc etc and I was standing there like all I did was reject the man because IM IN A RELATIONSHIP!!! 

I told him I’m not a therapist and I can’t help him, I said go talk to someone who can actually help you because I can’t. Yk there’s medication and lots of different types of therapy and he just wouldn’t stop it got to the point where he was asking me if life was worth living and he was going to delete himself everyday. 

I think he maybe saw me an attractive girl who’s studying is a prestigious college in a band, doing well for myself is some how going to fix him ? 

Now I’m no stranger to trauma, I’ve been in and out of therapy my whole life and I am currently on anti depressants. I’ve had a very hard 2025 and I work really really hard to be better for myself for the people around me and especially my family. Im not going to trauma dump because I don’t feel like that’s necessary but all you need to know is I’ve had a very hard life and I’ve also dealt with the same thoughts he has. It’s just the way he went about it, I feel like he was trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for him to possibly get a night of the devils tango. 

After a lot of reasoning and trying to motivate him he got to the point of I don’t even know why your still here right now and I went back to my original point of, you followed me out of the pub. I can’t help you, and if you want to continue your life the way you are that’s your choice, you either try get better get help, or you delete yourself it’s as simple as that. 

I do want to say as much as I was extremely frustrated and very scared of this guy I did tell him wha has helped for me and I was nice to him before I got to telling him that ultimatum. I do feel bad about it but I was genuinely scared he was going to do something to me. 

I got home safe with my boyfriend in the phone to me the entire time. 

I don’t really know what to make of that I was very clear and I only had 4 drinks in the space of like 5/6 hours that’s nothing. I was sober

Let me know what you think of this I just can’t shake the feeling of someone telling you they want to delete to your face when you reject them. ","You set boundaries, he followed you, then weaponized suicide talk. You owe him nothing. Stay safe."
AITAH for making my parents mad,"I (f19) have just been living life normally and doing chores around the house, going to work ect. when doing some washing my parents got mad at me for no apparent reason. they new I was going to be doing all of my washing that day as I had told them in the morning. After that they have just been strangely mad at me. nothing I do seems to be correct and I honestly don't know what to do now. this isn't the first time something like this has happened. every so often they get mad at me for random stuff. if anyone has any opinions it'll he greatly appreciated. AITAH?","Maybe they had a fight or something and instead of dealing with it themselves, they take it out on you?

Some people do that, especially if it´s about random and innocent things like you mentioned."
AITAH For Not Approaching My Sister First After Finding Out She's Upset With Me?,"Hi, this is an alt account since I have family on my main. I've never posted before so bear with me. Please be prepared for a lengthy and rushed post. 

I (20F) have recently learned that my (25F) sister Anna is upset with me and that she wants to ""distance herself from our relationship.""   
  
For some context, my sister Anna and I have had a bit of a rocky relationship when I was a teenager, but I guess I'll chalk that up to just typical sister drama (but this gives a sense of our history). Anyway I matured quickly and after starting college, her and I got closer. We had the same personality types (or so I thought) compared to my other siblings. Anyway some incident occurred like a couple of years in which she got angry with me, snapped, and ignored me for like a week straight. Even though I had apologized immediately (and looking back at the messages she sent me, I don't think I should have in that way) but anyway, I felt bad so I just put my pride aside and asked if she wanted a drink and that's what broke the ice. After that, we grew even CLOSER surpringly. We'd hang out together all the time, even without the rest of my siblings (we have a large family) and I'd often hear from her and others that ""you're her favorite sibling,"" and the feeling was mutual! 

  
The issue itself though, happened recently on a trip with me, Anna, and MY friend (this is important). While all three of us were speaking, Anna just started trash-talking our other sister Milly (22F). Trash talking seems like not the right term, but I'm not sure what else to call it. It wasn't necessarily too bad, but it's definitely not a conflict you want to bring up in front of someone who's not family (my friend that was with us), especially if the person you're talking about (Milly), isn't even aware of this, but multiple different parties are (my mom, brother, and now MY friend). And it was MY friend, not Anna's so if she wanted to rant I guess she could've spoken to her own friend.

  
Our trip ended and we came back home, while talking to my (22F) sister about the trip, I slightly brushed past that conversation while referring to something else. I geniunely didn't see it as any issue or bring it up for a malicious intent at all, really I was referencing something else and that conversation was a preface. I didn't see it as a big deal at all. But Milly's ears perked up and she asked me to repeat the conversation Anna, my friend, and I had. And so I did, not thinking much of it. And this ""trash-talking"" about milly happened often but only when it was me and Anna, not my friend. And it was fully Anna doing the talking, saying things like ""oh I don't like how she communicates"" or ""she's just extremely sensitive so I have to walk on egg shells."" But now that MY friend knew, I guess I didn't it wouldn't be okay for Milly to know? 

Anyway Milly didn't like that at all, she would've liked Anna to come to her if she had an issue, not hear it from someone else. They had a trip coming up and Milly was considering not going over this. But after some convincing from our mom, Milly spoke with Anna about everything so the air could be cleared before the trip. And Anna is non-confrontational and also a people pleaser. So when Anna spoke with Milly about everything, first person she was angry at was me. Because apparently I shared something that was said ""in confidence"" (her words). Anna apologized to Milly, saying that she didn't think it would get back to her. They went on their trip and when they came back, Anna wasn't speaking to me. And the few instances that she was, it was short, completely different from how we would normally interact.   
  
I knew something was wrong so I tried to make way for her to be able to bring it up me; trying to make a joke or asking random questions, but Anna wasn't having any of it. So I asked Milly to find out what Anna was mad about, because I knew if I went to Anna, she wouldn't tell me, deflect, or pretend nothing was going on. AND I'm a firm believer of if you're upset at someone and they have no clue, it is YOUR responsibility to bring it up NOT theirs.   
Milly spoke with Anna (ironic I know) and said Anna was upset because ""I'm questioning things I've told her in all of our relationship and she's been telling people things I told her in confidence"" and that she ""wants to distance myself from our relationship"", but that she ""wasn't mad at her (me)""

More power to you girl, if you wanna distance yourself go ahead! BUT hypocrisy is icky. One of the things Anna would always rant about was how much she disliked Milly's and our brother's communication styles (shutting down, not really saying what they're mad about, and overall not communicating and making a big deal out of nothing). But doing the exact same thing of not communicating, shutting down and making a big deal out of nothing is crazy work to me. 

I've always been the one to go to people if they were upset with me, it's something I've been struggling to work on, because it's not healthy, especially when I'm made to feel like the only adult. If someone is upset with me, I CANNOT fix or communicate about the issue, unless I know the issue exists. Shutting down, and having me come to you, coddling your feelings, is something I just can't do anymore. So I told Milly that, who said that I should just speak with Anna since it isn't a big deal. And our mom also grilled me about it ordering me to go speak with Anna, saying I'm the A-Hole. 

It's been about 2 weeks since Milly spoke with Anna about Anna and I's relationship, and it hasn't been resolved. Anna will say hey or hi, and I'll reply normally but then the conversation ends. The issue isn't brought up. She's admitted to Milly that she should've spoken to me about it before the issue escalated, but she was so busy. I would've appreciated and understood that if she had just sent a quick ""hey I'm super busy right now, but as soon as everything gets sorted let's talk"", that took like 30 seconds to write.   
  
I would prefer to speak about it, but I can't control anyone else's actions, only mine. I'm open to communication at all times, and I've told Milly to tell Anna that, so she's aware. Also we all live in the same house, we have our own seperate rooms lol.



Sorry this is super long and rushed as I am super busy as well with courses, but am i the A-hole for not wanting to bringing up this issue first when I'm not the one that's upset? I geniunely don't think I am, this is a boundary to protect my own sanity. But of course I'm always open to different perspectives and views so please do share.   
  
\*PS. any ungeniune or troll responses are getting ignored, I've read through some nightmare comment sections. I'm looking for honest, geniune responses, I really do want to know if my choice was wrong. 

","NTA

  
Ignore all this manipulative shit. If your sister has something to say, she should say it to your face."
AITAH for declining invite to birthday due to relationship issues with my ex,"Hi all, am I the asshole because I (38f) declined an invitation to my Ex's (47m) best friend's child's 2nd year birthday party due to the breakdown of my relationship and the stress of putting on a rosy picture because my ex is demanding that.

For context my ex and I have broken up and i am raising our toddler by myself. And by myself I mean I have to pay all the bills, receive no child support and my ex only comes over to sometimes cook our child a dinner whilst my ex repeatedly berates me about my mothering and personal attacks galore about everything about me. There is constant verbal abuse and I even found out another lie from my ex in the last week (not cheating just something else that has caused further issues for me that I am trying to resolve and its costing me so much money)

I received the invite at very short notice 3 days ago and the party is in 2 days and I spent 2 nights debating how I should decline because I just cannot pretend that we are together and put on a brave face and pretend everything is perfect at my ex's request. But i also didnt want to just decline with no reason and tbh i just dont want to play the facade anymore.

 My ex demands that I pretend we are together and that he is the picture perfect father when that is simply not the case. I briefly explained to the friend that im so sorry but I cannot go because of the relationship breakdown and the very real chance that we may bicker at the party and I truly don't want it to ruin the birthday.  I apologised profusely and offered to meet up another time but they havent replied and its almost been 48hrs. My ex doesn't know yet because I cannot handle another fight with him just yet.

AITAH?","NTA. You did the mature and responsible thing by declining instead of risking drama at a toddler’s birthday party, and you do not owe anyone a performance of a relationship that no longer exists just to protect your ex’s image. You are already carrying the full emotional, financial and parenting load while being verbally abused and lied to, and it is not your job to absorb more harm so he can look like a good partner or father in public. You explained politely, you gave a valid reason, you apologized and even offered an alternative, which is far more courtesy than most people would extend in your situation. If the friend chooses not to reply that is on them, not you, and your ex’s demand that you fake things is controlling and unfair."
AITAH for telling my gf that worst case scenario we could die in a bushfire,"My gf was trying to decide whether to stay or go during the bushfires, I told her I was going to stay and fight the fire but the equipment we had and the current conditions made the fire a serious threat and if she wanted to stay that she should be aware that there was a possibility that we could die. She got upset and said I should have reassured her Instead of scaring her. ",She needs to grow up
AITAH For wanting to breakup a friendship of 7 years?,"Me and my friend have been close together since we could remember, but sometimes she just makes me on the verge of crying sometimes. I feel like I no longer can trust her anymore, because she lies about things all the time. For ex, one time she lied about having ADHD and autism, which made people baby her for almost 2 weeks before the lie got exposed. She also consistently steals what jokes I say and my personality all together. To put the cherry on top, she made  a racially stereotypically indian and hispanic accent, and made fun of down syndrome and autistic people. Keep in mind, i’m hispanic myself. I really don’t know what to do, i’ve never spoken out about this before because I was too nervous and afraid that’d she’d find out and i’d hurt her feelings.","NTA. The people you associate with are a reflection of the type of person you are. If you are not like her, I’d cut them lose giving me time to get over the situation. Yes, you invested a lot of time together but you don’t control her behavior. You control whether you’re around them or not. Best wishes."
AITAH for giving my boyfriend a deadline to get a job or I’m breaking up with him?,"I (23 F) have been supporting myself and my boyfriend (25 M) for 2 years now. We live together, and finances are extremely tight. I’ve been paying rent, bills, and covering most expenses while he has been unemployed. I’ve tried to be patient, understanding, and encouraging, because I know job searching can be hard.

I’ve been patient bc it’s been hard for him. He got a dui 2 years ago, had to go to jail for 30 days (1 year ago), and hes an alcoholic. He’s been sober for 4 months now.

The issue is that every time I bring it up, he says “yeah, I’ll do it” or “I’m working on it,” but nothing actually changes. He doesnt want to talk to me about it either he just keeps avoiding me. Meanwhile, rent is due, I’m stressed constantly, and I’m scared of ending up homeless again (which has happened to me before).

Originally, I told him he needed a job by the end of the month, but as the days keep passing with no action, I feel like I’m being dragged down by waiting. I told him yesterday that if he doesn’t have a job by next week, I’m going to leave and figure things out on my own. We’re late on last months rent, and my car payment is late.

He is applying to some jobs but no progress. I told him he could work at any fast food place, he doesn’t even have to be full time, anything helps. He refuses to work anywhere that’s like that. That’s where him and I disagree. I believe as an adult sometimes you have to work at a shitty place to make ends meet, He completely refuses. I am aware that you cannot make someone do something, but i cant be with someone who would rather be homeless than work at McDonalds. Which is also confusing for me because he has stated multiple times he will never let himself be homeless, but is still picky with jobs? Theres a difference between us, i have been homeless a few times and i dont miss it. Hes never been homeless before.

He thinks I’m being harsh and says I’m adding pressure when he’s already overwhelmed. He told me that I have completely fucked him over because he won’t have a place to live if we break up. I feel guilty, but I also feel like I’m being forced to choose between protecting myself or continuing to sink financially and emotionally.

I can’t explain how in love I am with this man. Choosing myself right now is tearing me apart, I feel like a horrible person.

AITA for setting a firm deadline and being ready to leave if he doesn’t get a job?

UPDATE:

We broke up.

I’m completely overwhelmed and heartbroken. He wasn’t mean to me — he didn’t yell, he didn’t insult me. That’s what makes this hurt so much. He told me he finally got a job starting tomorrow and asked multiple times if we could still work things out.

But the truth is the damage was already done. I told him I can’t do this anymore because I don’t trust him anymore. Too many promises kept getting pushed until the very last moment, and my nervous system just couldn’t handle living in that uncertainty anymore.

He packed his things and left. I could hear him crying a lot, even though he was trying not to let me hear it. He told me he knows he’s a bad person and that he didn’t intentionally do this to me. He explained that he was selfishly trying to avoid working somewhere like McDonald’s.

I don’t think he’s evil. I don’t think he wanted to hurt me. But I also know that love without stability and follow-through isn’t something I can survive anymore. Leaving still feels like it’s tearing me apart.

I hear loud screaming outside idk who picked him up… and I think the screaming was him idk Im just too anxious to look…

Did I fuck up? Should I have given him a chance?

UPDATE

Well I was wrong about him not getting mad part. He came back and has asked me multiple times to give him a chance and I keep saying no. He then walked out, threw something on the ground, slammed the door a few times and then screamed fuck outside. Now he’s back sitting in the living room not saying anything. I’m really anxious.",You should have ended it two years ago.
"AITAH for distancing myself from my sister, even though she is pregnant?","Am I wrong for distancing myself from my sister even though she is pregnant?
I am 20 years old and live with my parents and my sisters. One of them, whom I will call Z, is 23 years old.
For many years there has been a constant conflict between us due to a repetitive behavior on her part: taking things that are not hers without permission, always denying it, and not taking responsibility, with the constant support or minimization from my parents.
The first clear episode occurred when I was around 11 years old. At that time, I started saving my recess money for the first time over several days. One day, when I came back from school once again with a coin, I found my small piggy bank broken and completely empty. When I asked about it, Z shamelessly admitted that she had taken the money because she needed it. She did not apologize and never gave it back. My parents intervened by minimizing the situation and there were no consequences; my father only said, “She made a mistake, but she will give it back to you.” She never did. After that, I stopped saving.
As children, we were very close. She was very protective of me, and I admired her. Z was bullied for her weight during childhood and adolescence, even by family members, which greatly affected her self-esteem. I was one of the few people who never mocked her and always supported her. I, on the other hand, was very quiet and also suffered bullying because of that.
The relationship began to deteriorate during adolescence. Z changed a lot when she changed schools and social groups. She started prioritizing her image, her popularity, and her relationships, and began to treat me with indifference, even ignoring me at school. In several important situations I felt pushed aside.
For example, there was a school party where I went out alone at night and was followed by an adult man when I was 14 years old. I returned crying and scared to the school looking for Z so she could walk me home. She did not answer my calls and later lied, saying that she had tried to look for me.
On another occasion, when I wanted to sign up for First Communion with a friend, Z threatened not to do it if I participated as well. I had proposed the idea to my parents first, but she was older. My parents gave in to her threat and only enrolled her. They said that since I was younger I had more time; I did not understand it. I suggested that we be in different groups, that I would not bother her, but it was all in vain. In my heart, they chose her again.
Similar situations occurred with sports activities: if she did not want to go with me, my parents preferred not to enroll me and to keep her calm.
During that stage, Z developed serious behaviors related to eating disorders: hiding food, inducing vomiting, fainting. My parents, worried, chose never to confront her, which created a pattern: to avoid upsetting Z, the rest of us had to adapt.
Over the years, the main problem became the constant use and disappearance of other people’s belongings. Small objects disappeared—makeup, clothes, accessories—which later appeared in her room in good condition, with less content, damaged or broken, or did not appear again. She always denied it, even when there was evidence. This especially affected my older sister, who lost items of monetary value. Even so, there were no real consequences; they bought her a lock, that’s all.
When I started working and buying my own things, the pattern continued with me. The breaking point was at university, when my glasses disappeared, which I need due to severe myopia to study and carry out university or court-related work. I asked her directly if she had seen them and she denied it in front of my father. The glasses were in her room. Despite the fact that my parents knew it was serious because it directly affected my studies, there was no sanction or apology.
After that episode I decided to set a boundary: I stopped treating her normally and asked for something very specific, that she acknowledge her behavior and apologize. She never did. Instead, she became defensive, shouted, and presented herself as the victim in front of my parents. They believed her and scolded me. I decided to maintain emotional distance and blocked her on WhatsApp.
Months later we found out that Z was pregnant. Since then, my mother expects me to put everything aside and fully support her. I tried to maintain basic and respectful coexistence, even helping in practical ways, but the behavior did not change. My things continued to disappear, including underwear, which I later found washed or drying after it had been denied. I consider this unhygienic and a clear invasion of boundaries.
Additionally, Z tends to victimize herself by saying that my distance “hurts her,” and my mother reproaches me for being cold, for blocking her on social media, and for not supporting her emotionally. However, I feel that my boundaries have never been respected, neither before nor now, and that the pregnancy is being used as a new justification to avoid holding her accountable for anything.
I am not asking for punishments or constant confrontations. I just want her to stop taking things that are not hers, to acknowledge what she does, and for there to be a minimum level of respect. Since that has not happened, I decided to maintain emotional distance to protect my well-being.
AITA for distancing myself from my sister, even though she is pregnant?","NTA, you aren't responsible for your sister's happiness, pregnancy or no pregnancy."
AITAH for not wanting a relationship with my sister?,"hi Reddit. This is my first time posting on here so I’m sorry if I don’t use the right wording for everything. obviously gonna use fake names for the post. 

for a little background, i’m the youngest sibling of four kids. i’m 21, and my oldest sister is 27.   growing up, our oldest sister didn’t want anything to do with us. She moved out of our mom‘s house and lived with our grandparents so that she did not have to live with us. she only started wanting to have relationships with us when we turned 18. That’s when she would try to reach out and talk. that has never sat right with me, since me and my other siblings have had a relationship through our whole childhood. I don’t see how it’s right that she would just wanna come in now. although I put those thoughts behind me and tried to start a relationship with her. But since then, I’ve seen and heard a lot of  things and do not want a relationship with her right now. 

my oldest sister, let’s call her Jane, is married and has three kids. She lives in her husband‘s parents house and her husband is very irresponsible when it comes to money.  My parents have spent a lot of money, trying to help support them. They have paid for daycare, clothes, events, vacations, gas, grocery money, and even a truck engine. my parents barely get a thank you for what they do, and feel like they have to help or else they’re not gonna get to see their grandkids. my dad gave her money, a.k.a. her stepdad, so that she could buy maternity pants, and then turned around and went out to eat at a restaurant. I just don’t respect that. i’m very protective of my dad and how people use him for his money.

I am married, and me and my husband live up in Colorado because he is stationed here. One Christmas, me and my husband were going to go down to Texas to my parents house to spend the holidays. I was texting the family group chat to see where everyone would be. before Jane said where she was gonna go, I said I would love to see her at Christmas since I haven’t seen her or my nephews in a while. She blew up on me in the group chat, saying we only expect her to be at our events, even though they have other people‘s events to go to, and that she came to Christmas last year. she also said how we’re very judgmental of her and how she lives. Now I was very confused and did not know where this was coming from, but it sent me off. I didn’t even know that she went to Christmas that year before. I will admit I was not the nicest either, as I flipped out on her and said that she allows herself and her kids to live in an awful house and her husband to do whatever he wants with their money and she needs to grow a backbone and stand up to her husband like she stands up to us. and also that my parents help fuel her life and how she’s so rude to them constantly. I then left the group chat. I can admit that I was an asshole there. There had just been a lot of little stuff leading up to that point. since that whole fiasco, I’ve barely talked to her and don’t feel a need to. I feel like she’s very disrespectful of our family, even though our side of the family is the one that helps take care of her children. it’s never wrong to ask for help and to accept it when it’s given, I’ve accepted help from my parents a few times and I always say thank you. my parents are genuinely surprised when they get a thank you from her or her husband. my parents paid for Jane and her family to go to Colorado on a vacation with them , and my parents told me they didn’t get a single thank you. They paid for gas, housing, all the food, and all the activities. not to mention my dad bought her husband a $900 truck engine and he has never paid my dad back. 

my mom and grandma told me to forgive and forget, and to have a relationship with her because she’s my sister. I just don’t feel like I need to. If she didn’t want anything to do with me my whole childhood, how does that make her entitled to have a relationship with me now? The biggest thing for me is how I feel she consistently uses and abuses the power of grandchildren over my parents to make them feel entitled to help her. I have no respect for that. now, if she stood up to her husband, and finally put a back bone into their relationship to make not only her life, but her children’s lives better, I would have more respect for her. but she just allows for herself and her children to live the way they do.

so, aita for not wanting a relationship with my sister right now? ","NTA!!! I'm kinda the same way with my dad except I left him on read on the last message he sent. If he wanted to talk to me then the call button is right there & he has to initiates it. He believes that everyone else has to initiate conversation with him all the time but when it comes to him looking like the victim he will message first. Anyways! This isn't about me! 

You're right to not wanting to have a relationship with your sister from how she treats you, your dad, & your family. It's not right at all, so stand your ground & tell your mom & grandma that you don't want to then tell them why. Also good on you for admitting for when you're the asshole because that's honestly hard to do."
AITAH for feeling dismissed and hurt by my friends joking?,"Sometimes like tonight, my friend got all upset we were when he like insulted us or snapped at us and said “I’m joking! I don’t mean it! Stop being a bitch/sensitive.” And then said it was a generational thing. (He’s born in the 80s I’m in the 2000s). I told him “it’s because when you do that it’s dismissive of how people feel and it hurts.” And he says then fuck them. If you guys don’t like me/ what I’m saying I don’t want to be around you. Or you can leave.

And then it turned into he asked like why we don’t just drink straight up water and it’s like I do sometimes I need a little incentive so I use MIO or something and then he said yeah, but I don’t understand that. “Why don’t you just drink straight up water?” And I again said like I do I just need an incentive sometimes. and he like again went on a roundabout. Oh, I was raised differently and I don’t get why you guys do that. Why do you guys do that and he kept asking and being the sloop of like why do you do that? It sounds so stupid so I said because I never said I did. I drink water and then he told me to stop being snarky and shut the F up. It was a loop of him saying he wants to understand but then going back to being judgy and asking why. 

It was all trivial I know, but it’s not the first time he’s done this. Even in that night. I unintentionally snuck up on him to ask a question and he said “why the F are you in my ear? Go away”, and I said “nevermind then” and walked off and he said “well F you then!” And the later came and found me said he didn’t mean to be mean, he just doesn’t like being snuck up on. But then will go scare someone by placing a fake skeleton or something somewhere. Or something along those lines. I just feel like he can dish it out but can’t take it. 

Or there was the time he accused me of getting him fired and went on for a few minutes about how I took pictures and how he told me he was fearing to his job, so I got him fired. I didn’t, and he knows that and then saw my face and said “I’m joking, I know you didn’t” and some of my other friends at the bar listening to this called him out. Saying they believed him for a second, and that it was cruel. He still tried justifying it as it was a joke, but my friends still called him out. The next day he did come and say he was sorry and didn’t mean to hurt me. And I told him it did, and he said he didn’t want it to. That felt like resolution. But I still find it a useful example of his behavior. 

There’s a lot I could name of the times he’s done this whole “I’m joking” attitude when he gets mean or dismissive. And yeah I know he never means to be, and he’s someone I’m super close to. Someone I’ve spent nights just talking out insecurities and existence with. Someone I’ve been working with for almost 2 years, and have helped each other get jobs or living spaces. Someone I spend almost everyday with. But I guess times like these make me question why I’m friends with him. Or if he even cares. I guess this whole post makes it seem like he doesn’t, but there times I can say he made the time to talk or share a moment. Regardless of the hour or his feelings. And yeah when he does get the dismissive attitude, I get snarky, I ask why he gets to be harmful but if I say something that triggers his trauma, it’s suddenly not okay. Why do I get snapped at for being hurt over his actions but if I hurt or make him upset, him he’ll chase me down for an explanation. ","He does mean to be insulting, hurtful and disrespectful, and to get away with it because he passes it off as a joke. Once anyone has told you to shut the fuck up, any relationship with them is over. You may feel that you are super close to him, but he really doesn’t care about you. If he did he wouldn’t behave like this. Just read through what you have written and imagine someone else was describing all this to you. My advice is to end any relationship with this man immediately."
AITAH for advising my adult daughter to dump her boyfriend because he said she's pretty but not sexy ?,"My (39f) daughter (18f) surprised me by asking me how to be sexy. I asked her if she wouldn't prefer talking to her friends about this but she said it has to be me. She said she wants to me sexy like me but she doesn't want to cut her hair.  I was so confused. 

I told her to start from the beginning. She said her boyfriend (19m) told her about the difference between a ""pretty"" woman and a ""sexy"" woman. According to him, a pretty woman is usually young, thin, and has long hair. A ""sexy woman is usually older, chunky, and has short hair. 

I told my daughter this sounds like some mind games and I advise her to dump him. When I told my husband (39m) I expected praise from him. He is usually quick to say a guy is not good enough for his little girl. But he said I gave bad advice. He said, from what he's seen, the guys make the distance between pretty and sexy. Those guys have a crush on, then eventually fall in love with the ""pretty"" woman while he would just want to bang the ""sexy"" woman. I am so confused. Am I the asshole ?","NTA, since when did short hair equal sexy? Also the fact that your husband said the ""sexy woman"" is the woman they just want to bang is really weird. First of all, this is his daughter he's talking about. Second of all, it's weird to act like sexual attraction isn't an important factor for the majority of relationships. Your daughter is being set to unrealistic standards by her boyfriend and your husband is just enabling it. Your daughter deserves someone who loves her and is actually into her. If your husband is usually quick to defend her, I would be questioning why he is defending the boyfriend. Is it because he thinks the same way?"
AITAH if we kick a member out of a group because of his girlfriend even though he hasn't done anything to us directly?,"Basically the title. I need the perspective of women in relationships and men.  
  
Sorry, I’ll be a bit generalize a lot because one of the things we do when we get together is listen to Reddit stories while we eat or send posts to each other in the group chat. Even though it’s in Spanish, I don’t want them to come across this post. If you need more context, I could respond in the comments.  
  
Context: A little over a month ago we graduated from a degree that in my country is predominantly practiced by women, so men are rare. We are a group of at least six people.  
  
In this group of about six people, we have known each other for roughly four years. I can’t say we are that close because our interactions are mostly related to the degree and work now.

The situation is mainly with me (23F) although it also involves my friend Lisa (24F). Recently, the only man in our group (24M), let's call him Logan, started a new relationship (actually it's not new, but they hadn't seen each other in a while) with Linda (24F). Apparently, Linda feels uncomfortable with the group in general, but especially with me because recently Logan and I have been getting closer since we want to apply to the same industrial sector and we are doing an internship together, sending CVs, and planning to take courses in the area. I found out through a friend of Linda's that she thinks I am a b\*\*\*\* and that I want her man. I didn't pay much attention until today when Logan uploaded a photo of Lisa, him, and me at our internship on his WhatsApp, I think it said something like 'a disaster together since 2021,' and then there was a laboratory tube we accidentally broke. Logan lent me his phone to read the responses of another of our friends when I saw a message from Linda asking him, 'Why do you post photos with OP?' I’m not going to apologize, but I opened the message when I saw my name. I’m way too addicted to Reddit, so I looked for my name in the conversation, and to sum it up, he didn’t like me and he made that very clear in a very dismissive way. The same goes for Lisa. To his credit, Logan has defended us and prohibited talking about the topic, but I don’t know how things are going because he really doesn’t like us spending time together (the group of women). Specifically, I got this last part from Linda’s friend, who also told me that he doesn’t seem to have problems with other women.    
  
The thing is I don’t like problems and I’m definitely not interested in Logan. I mean, I like him and he’s a good guy whom I see as a potential future coworker, and I’m not even that close to him, so I just want to slowly distance myself because I haven’t made any move that would suggest otherwise. I don’t spend time with him outside of practice time, and when I do, we’re never alone, BUTI recognize that it is very unfair to Logan, I know that definitely the rest of the group would find out. I talked to Lisa and she says she has already gone through things like this and doesn't want to get involved, so she will step back.    
  
I don't want to get involved in drama, and Linda is the kind of person who thrives on that, as I've heard from several people who have painted me in a very bad light. Her friend, who is an acquaintance from university, approached me and told me that because it's a rumor in her field, where Linda is also involved. Honestly, I don't know what to think. I'm doubting if I have done something that might suggest that, and I want to ask Logan, but I don't think he would take it well, and I don't want to cause a fight with Linda because I've seen situations like this and it ends up breaking up the couple. I don't want it to end because, strange as it may sound, he seems very happy with her, she is his profile picture, and his family really likes Linda to the point of showing her off. He talks about her a lot, and at the same time, I don't want a situation where he has to choose between me vs. Linda.  
  
 People in relationships, could you please help me with your perspective or how I could approach this?   
  
Although from my perspective I feel like I haven’t done anything wrong, could it be that the fact that I’m spending so much time with him and sending him messages contributes to this? We’ve been talking a lot lately and he’s the type who shares everything, so he has posted pictures with me, but no more than he does with the rest of the people in his life. Now we see each other from Monday to Friday from 8am to 3pm, so obviously we spend time together, though in different areas of the lab. He doesn’t only post pictures with me, and there are definitely many more of Linda.    
  
I doubt myself because in our minds we always think we’re doing everything right.

","for feeling uncomfortable at all. I’d be annoyed too. But if you kick him out, you’re basically letting his gf control the group from the outside. You didn’t cross lines, he defended you, and the drama isn’t coming from you. I’d set boundaries, not nuke the friendship."
AITAH for being uncomfortable around my fiancé’s disabled brother?,"I know the title sounds horrid, but hear me out. I (female 30) and my fiancé (male 40) have been together for about a year and a half. When we met, he had just moved back to the area and was working on moving his mom and two brothers down with him. They are all disabled in one way or another. Because this was his plan before even meeting me, and we got engaged before the move, I agreed to letting them move in with us, at least for a trial year, so he wouldn’t have to change his plans. His mom is great, but she is in a wheelchair, so relies on others for some things, which is no biggie. One brother, we’ll call him Trevor (45) is on disability, mostly due to issues related to his weight, but he is on the path to getting better and is starting physical therapy soon, which is great.

His other brother (50), let’s call him Jack, is the one in question. His primary disability is IND (intellectual disability). It is not this that makes me uncomfortable. He has a habit of staring a lot in general. This is not uncommon for someone with his diagnoses, but he tends to stare at ME differently than his normal staring. This is also clearly different to me because it started just in the last couple of months. I’ve seen his normal “staring at nothing in particular,” but this isn’t that. I started noticing that he would keep his eyes locked on me while I’m doing things in common areas, and would have kind of a creepy smile on his face. After a few instances of this, I spoke to my fiancé, who then spoke to his family, and I got an apology, which was good. I told him I appreciate the apology and explained to him how it can be uncomfortable for women to have men stare like that because it comes off as inappropriate. He seemed to understand well enough. They also told him that if he can’t help himself, to try to not be in the common areas alone with me. That lasted for maybe a couple of weeks? I then caught him doing it again, and when I called him out by asking “we talked about the staring thing, did we not?” he said nothing, smirked, and looked down at his phone.

I brought this up to my fiancé and again he spoke to his family, and again, they made him apologize. I told him this time that I needed to see a change in his behavior instead of just accepting words. He tried to tell me he was actually looking at the cabinet behind me. The thing is, he has a habit of lying to cover his butt, so I told him “do not lie to me, you made eye contact with me, and when I said something, you smirked and looked away.” He had no response to that and went to his room.

I thought this issue was squashed until just the other day. I had just come home and was giving my fiancé a hug, so my back was turned to Jack. My fiancé caught him staring directly at my butt. He called him out with a passive aggressive “yes???” and Jack looked up in shock at being caught and started trying to look everywhere but at me. I figured he caught him staring, but I didn’t realize he caught him staring directly at my butt until the next day when he told me how he tried to talk to his mom about it and Trevor apparently butted in and tried to dismiss the issue by saying we “clearly don’t understand that Jack is just a kid.” This, of course, infuriated my fiancé, and he had some choice words for Trevor, but he revisited the issue with his mom later. After finding this out, I became very tense and anxious to the point that my shoulders and jaw were hurting from tensing and clenching.

The thing is, while Jack is IND, he is not delayed to the point that this should be considered okay. I am a teacher and have worked with kids with all kinds of ability levels, so I feel I have a good gauge for this kind of thing. Jack is definitely not as incapable as Trevor is painting him to be, but he is definitely smart enough to use the fact that they dismiss his behavior due to his disability against them. In my opinion, he is trying to get away with doing what he wants and taking advantage of the fact that Trevor thinks he’s stupid. He knew well enough to lie to Trevor about me being in the common area while he decided to walk around in just his underwear because he knew he wasn’t supposed to do that.

What ended up happening is my fiancé, his mom, and I all sat down and had a talk. I explained to her my feelings and got really emotional (I have some trauma around SA and just being creeped on from childhood). She reassured me that they are taking the issue very seriously and didn’t allow Jack to try to make excuses, and she is planning on keeping him under close supervision between her and Trevor. She also told Jack to stop using the dining table as his “spot” all day as he can’t be trusted to be alone with me in the common areas.

This has been working so far, but I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. Obviously, this is my home that I allowed them all to be in, so it is their home now too. I also know that my personal trauma is my responsibility to bear. I want to be comfortable in my home, but I also don’t know how fair it is to deny someone regular access to common areas in their own home as well. I know it was their idea, but the whole thing seems really messy and I don’t know what to think, feel, or do anymore.

Edit: I am fully aware that my willingness to try out this living arrangement is a lot and that this feels like a quick engagement. Believe me when I say I would advise against this if my friend came to me saying they were thinking about doing this. I can honestly say I’ve never felt a connection like this with anyone, and I’ve never been so sure about a person as I am with my fiancé. If this were anyone else, I probably would’ve jumped ship a long time ago. I’m not asking if my choices to go through with this are reasonable, I’m asking if my feelings and perspective are reasonable or if I’m maybe being ableist and not seeing things for what they really are.","NTA. This is simply not a living arrangement that is going to work for you.  You really shouldn’t be having to support three other grown adults in the first place. 

And you’ve known them for like one year?!?  And got engaged in less than a year?!?

This is craziness"
AITAH for breaking a friendship over bad hygiene,"AITA? For months perhaps even years I’ve watched a friend of mine neglect their dental health so badly that I believe they have at least 5 cavities. 
Let me explain. For months I’ve watched as they sit next to me ABSOLUTELY ANYWHERE as they constantly have their hand in their mouth picking at their teeth for majority of their free time. They told me that the dental issues they experience is solely hereditary and that the experience simply could not be avoided. However I spend quite a lot of time with this person and I’ve never noticed a steady dental routine (not to say they don’t have one just that I’ve never noticed) and I causally joked about it one day and unbeknownst to meeeeee they informed me that they don’t brush their teeth with toothpaste as they believe they have bleach on them and don’t wanna ruin their teeth with it. I find that to be okay as there is alternatives but in this case the only alternative was a finger in the mouth moving things around inside their mouth.  I’ve politely given recommendations that were simply given back to me in disgust . I’ve even offered to take them to the dentist after they’ve expressed teeth pain at my expense to no avail. I’m at my wits end and have no idea what to do or say anymore without it being an argument. It smells terrible no matter the time of day… am I the asshole for wanting to end a 5+ year friendship because my friend refuses to take their dental hygiene seriously? ",What a terrible day to be literate.
AITAH for falling asleep while my husband doordashes?,"I (F26) and husband (M24) go door dashing at night when I get off of work. My husband goes doordashing when I get into work. I work from home as CSR and I have second shift. He works with DoorDash from the time that I go into work to the time that I get out which I get off at 1 am. And for those who know how call centers work. Some times shit get so hecktic and the social battery gets drained pretty quickly. And if you have shitty members, that can really make it worse.

I’m an empath and I can’t help the fact that I absorb people’s energy. And lately my mental health has not been that great. I’ve been snappy and irritated by the smallest things.  And I’ve also been sleep deprived because I need a CPAP. So that also adds to it. And lately his health has been fucking up and that has also messed my mental health too. This is important for context.

So for the past couple of nights we have been doordashing up until 8 am. And during those nights, I keep falling asleep and that makes my husband upset. He’s upset that he doesn’t get to spend time with me and that’s why he likes that I ride with him. But I’m so exhausted and I don’t know what else to do. So AITAH?",NTA. It’s insane that he forces you to ride shotgun the entire time.
WIBTAH if I cut off my annoying friend/ started a new server without him?,"I (16 F) became friends with someone in one of my extracurriculars (17 M) a little bit into sophomore year. I'll call him Kyle. Kyle reached out to me via social media because of a funny post I made, and him being a bit eccentric and bold in reaching out made me want to hang out with him more. He was born in another country and seems a bit autistic (not trying to make fun of him, im being genuine) and he's genuinely a very smart and sincere person. When we first became friends, I noticed he seemed a little bit clingy towards me and other people since he knows a lot of people. But I was fine with it since I had distance from him for the most part. 

About halfway through sophomore year I became a part of a friend group in my grade, and we quickly grew close through hanging out a lot over the summer and going on group calls. A few people in the group are a bit shy or antisocial (again, no judgement, I get it) so I tried hard not to make them uncomfortable and to let the friendships form naturally, which happened fortunately, and now I sit with them every lunch and play games with them almost every day. We have a discord server all together for minecraft. 

Now, I started noticing towards the end of last year and beginning of this year that Kyle was really, really clingy. Which I didn't expect since it seemed like he had tons of other friends. At first i didn't mind, but eventually it began to make me feel a bit uncomfortable since he was constantly texting and calling me every day, and he drains my social battery very quickly. He also would overhear plans I had made with others and ask if he can join as well, even if it was a one-on-one hangout with someone he didn't know, which I obviously say no to. And im not trying to be mean, but Kyle's humor is honestly a little bit dry and awkward a lot of the time, but I try not to make him feel bad and laugh.

 I know this is gonna make me seem like a mean girl, but it's honestly hard to spend a lot of time with someone who requires a lot of attention and who I quite frankly don't enjoy spending time with a lot of the time. So where my main problem comes up is here: Kyle started to sit at lunch with me and my friend group recently (wow, end of the world, I know) which wouldn't be that big of a deal if he wasn't very obviously trying to insert himself into areas where he isnt wanted. He didn't know anyone else at the table except for me, and I was honestly a bit glad he was trying to find people other than me who he can expend all his energy onto. But like I said, his humor is awkward and a lot of the time it just led to awkward silence among the table despite people trying to be nice. And not only that, but he keeps trying to insert himself in other people's business and plans as well. I'll be talking to one of my friends in a side conversation and he'll LITERALLY stick his head between ours and beg to know what we were talking about, and when/if we tell, him he'll ramble on about it for like 10 minutes despite the joke or whatever being over. 

So, no social cues, thats fine. 

But recently I was discussing in a side conversation, (While walking when apparently Kyle was walking behind us) about how my friend almost blew up my house or something on our minecraft server. All of a sudden, Kyle starts begging us to let him join the server. We both give each other a 'look', but I tell Kyle to ask the server owner. Next thing you know, he tracks her down across the school despite having no classes with her, less than 10 minutes later, to ask to be let in. I didn't think him being in the server would be too bad, but not only is he on call every waking moment in the VC, but he constantly begs me to hop on, he basically moved himself into my house without asking, and he constantly interrupts people and weirdly enough tries to artificially start inside jokes. I know that he just wants friends, but I can't really match his energy because thats just not the type of person I am, and it makes me kind of uncomfortable with how incessantly needy and clingy he is. I've also talked to a few other people about this and they've noticed the same thing about him. 

To add a few more details, he is overly touchy with people a lot of the time, feels the need to be involved in almost everyone's personal business, and also he contacted my sister and my MOM through my instagram following list and now sends them reels and even started a group chat with us. He also will see family events I plan in my messages or through conversation and has dm'd my mom for an invite before. My mom doesn't see the issue with him and says he's just friendly, and she has even gone out of her way to invite Kyle to events I really don't want him at since he tends to spazz out. I know I sound like a major bitch or a bully or something but I really need someone to view this from my perspective. It honest to god feels like im being stalked sometimes, and despite the fact that he's really kind and honest I need him to tone it down, but every time I bring up him stepping over one of my boundaries, he starts acting really depressed until I apologize to him. ","You’re 16. You have a long journey of making friends and ending friendships. Nta. Just start to distance your self, tell him you want space. Don’t apologize. You haven’t done anything wrong. You’re just enabling him by apologizing. When/if he starts to get all depressed just let him. Don’t engage anymore. And tell your mom to respect your boundaries and do not invite him anywhere unless you’re okay with it."
AITAH for hitting my cousin after she disrespected me,"I (20F) and my cousin “Lexi” (18F) live in the same household and share a room. She’s known for having a short temper and saying whatever is on her mind, even when it’s hurtful. I usually ignore it to keep the peace.

A few weeks ago, I was away for the weekend visiting my aunt. I was expecting an important work package to be delivered to the house, so before leaving, I asked Lexi if she could collect it if it arrived. She agreed.

On the delivery day, the driver had trouble finding the house and was calling me for directions. I kept updating Lexi and asked her to stay alert for him. Later that evening, the driver finally arrived, but called me upset, saying Lexi was uncooperative and didn’t come to the car to collect the package. He ended up leaving with it.

When I tried calling Lexi to calm the situation, both she and the driver were yelling. I got overwhelmed and ended the call. She later sent me a rude voice note, which I left on seen. After that, we didn’t speak for almost a month.

Fast forward to the day of the altercation. My younger brother touched something of hers, and she told me to “talk to him.” I said she could speak to him herself since she’s older. She started repeating herself loudly and aggressively. I got defensive, and she began cursing at me and calling me out of my name.

She then stepped close to me and said, “Touch me, touch me.” I snapped. I grabbed her, and a physical fight broke out. It got ugly; her wig was damaged, and I ended up with internal bruising and scratches. Afterward, we both said hurtful things. She told me I was “dead to her.”

The next day, she called the police to report the incident and asked for reimbursement for her wig. Now there’s tension in the house. We aren’t speaking, we still share a room, and I’ve been avoiding sleeping in the bed to keep distance.

I know I was wrong for initiating physical contact. I regret that it went that far. But this was after years of taking her disrespect and staying quiet.

So AITA for finally standing up for myself, even though it escalated into a fight?

	•	No weapons were involved

	•	This is an ongoing family living situation

	•	I’m looking for outside perspective, not validation","Why isn't she living with her own family?

NTA

Why do your parents tolerate her?"
AITAH for cutting this guy off for asking people inappropriate questions about me?,"So, I (19F) have some older friends that wanted to try and set me up with one of their mutual friends (22M) from the military. I obliged because I have been single for quite a while and even though I love meeting new ideas and am open to the idea of meeting new people I choose to be single for personal reasons.

My friend's boyfriend knows that I am single and said he has a friend for me who we will call Justin. He told me some minor details such as his age, job, showed me pictures, and where he went to school etc... however he agreed he was not going to tell Justin any details about me for the sake of anonymity and because it would ""be fun"". A few months ago, we eventually decide to meet up and do a double date. It was a nice ice breaker because my friend, her boyfriend and I all worked together so I at least had someone to talk to if it got awkward. We went out for lunch and played a trivia game that apparently was being hosted at the cafe we went to which was a BLAST. He asked for my number, and we texted/called for a while after and went out a few times after as well.

Our first alone date he brought me to church which was fine, but I had to meet practically his WHOLE family. He also insisted on meeting mine and would talk about how he's going to be ""best friends"" with my 13-year-old brother which I felt was weird because I barely knew him myself. He was also very touchy right off the bat and would be finding constant ways to put his hands on me without asking me if it was okay. It ended up with me at one point having to get up to go to the restroom so I could move my position away from him. Over the course of the (literal) 3 weeks I knew him he was texting my friend, the one from the double date, about me and telling her basically everything that we would do or talk about. Also asking her for advice on what steps to take with me and how. I understand he might've been nervous, but he wouldn't ever ask me anything about how I was feeling or where I was at within our ""relationship"" even though I was nowhere near ready to be exclusive after 3 weeks of knowing each other and 2 casual dates (3 including the double date). I would’ve been open to having that conversation, but he never even confronted me with this thoughts or feelings the entire time. 

I ended it the second I found out that he had been asking my same friend personal information about me. Such as asking if I am using him which I am NEVER EVER that kind of girl. Unfortunately, the one that really got me was asking her the last time I ""did anything"". Meaning the last time I was SEXUALLY active. Which in basic human understanding that is not something you ask someone's friend...EVER. Although just because I am single doesn't mean I am exactly withholding from activities and obviously my friend knows those things about me, but she just told him that is not her business to give out and then told me right away.

I am just so frustrated because I feel like I am rude because he asked to be friends and I tried to for a little, but he acted as if nothing changed at all and it was way too much for me. He is a decently, nice guy, but I think that he needs to figure out what he wants in a relationship before he tries to jump in one because he has also not been in a real relationship ever. I feel bad for the way that things went down, but I have people saying that I was justified so Reddit AITAH?",NTA at all!! Always trust your gut! Good job doing the right thing!
AITAH for proposing to my gf w/out her brother's blessing since im only her fb,"throwaway because everyone that will be mentioned in this story knows my main and this story is a bit long and names had been changed. with that, I, a 25 year old man WAS married once but did not work out for many reasons that I will not elaborate, but one of them is my ex wife is an emotionally abusive woman. After getting over it, ive decided to break one of my rules about myself, to only have sex with someone that is my partner. I’ve slept around, drank and basically just bar hops and had fun, but since i’m still watching out for myself, i made sure that every person i slept with was protected (3 in total). Having that phase was exhausting but this is where the time i met my now fiancé, Andrea (23 Fem). She does not sleep around or in the same situation as i am. She just randomly engaged in a conversation with me while i was eating alone in a ramen restaurant. Not gonna lie, I didnt get the impression that she wants to sleep with me or something like that nor had any sexual thoughts about her, I immediately agreed since she was beautiful herself and she has a very sweet voice. 

We hit it off and for some time of just meeting and hanging out, we sometimes kiss and hug but no labels were discussed, yet this woman made me stop sleeping around and drinking without her even knowing. out of nowhere she called me crying because her brother randomly shouted at her. That night took an unexpected turn, after comforting her and letting her cry, she suddenly hugged me while straddling on my lap and begins to kiss my neck which caught me off guard, but after not having sex with anyone for months, and how attractive she was, i gave in and slept with her.

After doing it for several more times amidst 3 momths of being fuck buddies, that’s where i realized ive been falling for this woman for months. She then suddenly confessed after taking care of her, that she’d been in love with me for quite some time which i immediately reciprocated and began dating.

After 6 months of dating, and living together, without my knowledge, she told me that she’s been talking about me to her brother (Austine, 27) and girlfriend who is her bestfriend (maria, 24) and told me she wants me to meet them which i agreed to since compared to all of my exes, she was the only person who made me feel genuine love in a short span of time. i don’t see bad in people but her brother gave something off, he kept an intimidating demeanor while we talk but i wasn’t faze of it, I love Andrea more than I love myself to be scared. He told me to never let my woman experience the same shit she’d experienced which she was ghosted by her ex boyfriend.

I kept civil with Austine, but Maria? we started getting closer since Andrea and i have been telling her about our relationship which caught Austine’s attention, told us that our relationship sounds boring since my now fiancé and i dont usually argue when we have a misunderstanding, we talk and communicate and we made sure not to sleep on it. He heard everything, that Andrea had been infact receiving princess treatment, i take care of everything and take care of her, in bed or in general, she just bakes and wash dishes which we agreed on after a tiny argument since i don’t want her doing the work around the house. knowing that despite being the man of the house, i know how exhausting it is for her since she was in her masters. I also take care most of the finances which made Austine frown for no reason at all. He replies coldly and dryly everytime Andrea tells them how Im treating her but when her brother tells us about their relationship we make sure he felt heard. The more our relationship grow the more Andrea realizes on how different i’ve been treating her and how her brother treats her. 

After 2 months, I’ve realized that I wanted to marry this woman. Asked Austine and Maria to meet up with me and talk about something. I asked them that i wanted to marry Andrea and wanted their permission for me to propose, Maria cried, she was happy about it but Austine? He somewhat threatened me, after saying NO he told me if he agreed, that once i made Andrea cry Im out of their life. That shot like a bullet since they all know that I was abandoned by my parents when i was a kid and had always been scared of being alone. I respected it despite being upset, hid the ring and never told my girlfriend about it.

Three days later, I got a news that Austine and Maria are engaged. After that, maria then messaged me and apologized on behalf of Austine. I accepted and just moved on. A day later, we decided on having dinner at our place since I offered i can cook, that’s where Austine blurted that to never propose on the same year he proposed. I got livid but it faded instantly when i looked at my girlfriend. I was upset yet im not ruining the night. After dinner, Austine and Andrea decided to buy some dessert while I was left with Maria, the conversation was heavy, heavier than expected. she confessed that she’d been noticing the envious is Austine’s words, wanting the same relationship as his sister, wanting the same treatment but upon hearing this, ive realized that he was a literal man child who doesn’t take care of his girlfriend. Maria told me that no day has passed that they do not argue over small things and that he always compare
my relationship to theirs, and having the news of me wanting to propose, he suddenly bought a ring and proposed first. 

She was bawling, and as a good friend that i am, i hugged her and comforted her. that’s where Austine suddenly kicked me from the back once they walked back inside my house, told me all malicious words and that i was a piece of shit while actually beating me up. I didnt want to fight back, not because i know he’ll be unconscious since im bigger than he is, but because i don’t want to give Andrea an impression that im a violent person and that she should be afraid of me. he eventually calms down when Maria pulled him back and left. Andrea on the other hand was horrified and tried to break the fight but i used my foot to push her back. she was shaking while she walked around to get everything that she needs to take care of me. I felt her shaking, so i tried to calm her down but since i was also in tears while holding her, she couldn’t stop crying as well. thats where i told her everything, the conversation between her brother and I’s to Maria confessing. She couldn’t believe it, she was still trembling from the thought of Austine beating me up, by that time our conversation shifted from where she told me regardless of whats the truth, she’ll stay by my side

That’s where I couldn’t hold it in, I proposed on the floor, lips busted and in tears. I was on cloud 9 when she agreed. After a week, she suddenly ran to me crying since Austine had called her and she actually fought back and told him to stop controlling her relationship so i took the phone away from her and talked to him instead. He called me an asshole for proposing without his blessing, telling me that I brainwashed Andrea and that i was only a fuck buddy to begin with. 

AITA for proposing to my now fiancé?",Why are you even asking that? Her brother is an AH and she said yes. Why are you so worried about what her abusive brother thinks?
AITAH for forgetting my fiancés deceased son’s birthday?,"So yesterday would have been my husbands deceased sons birthday. I usually remember special dates, like birthdays and the date a loved one passes. However, it’s usually for people I know or knew personally. His son died 10 years ago, so sadly, I never got to meet him. My fiancé reminded me as we were going to bed, that it would have been his son’s birthday, and said that he guessed I forgot. I felt so bad because my fiancé seemed so sad that I forgot, so AITAH for forgetting the birthday of someone I sadly never got to meet or know?","When you lose a child, it feels like everyone has forgotten about their existence. Reassure him that this wasn’t purposeful and ask for forgiveness for forgetting.  Then ask him if he’d be comfortable sharing some memories of him. Also ask how you can help him grieve. Ask what you could do to comfort him on these hard days. Just knowing someone else remembers his son and the important dates is healing. 

Then put a google reminder for his birthday and the day he died."
AITAH for ending a Monopoly game with my partner early due to their obnoxious attitude the entire time while playing? Isn’t there a fine line between friendly competition & sore sport?,"So tonight, I 27F, tried to play a game of Monopoly with my partner, 48M.  I was super excited initially as I have not played that in a while and it’s one of my favorite childhood games!

However from the second we started, before either of us had ever even rolled he got obnoxiously competitive.

I am talking neither him nor I could make a move good or bad without him having to make a snark remark that aimed to make me feel bad about myself and like I have no chance on Earth at eveerrrrr winning anythingggg against him at all.  If I bought a property “oh you’re gonna have to sell that to me eventually anyways” even if I had over 1k more than him in cash at the moment, if I landed on his ; outrageous laughs, negative commentary & ranting over it for literally minutes at a time.  I’d have to just block his noise from my head and take my turn otherwise it would be 3-6 minutes before I would get to do so.  Cause he just goes on and on and on and on.  About the smallest shit, about the largest shit.  

In life in general, even more so in situations that can already be to a degree mild or highly stressful like a good ol’ round of classic Monopoly when you have someone that is no fun to play with what so ever and constantly wishes bad on you and or rubbing bad in your face it takes away from the experience completely.

Yes, it’s okay to laugh cause someone lands on your spot & it’s okay to make negative/taunting/passive aggressive remarks but seriously every single fucking roll… AND no matter if you’re in the high position or low at the time???  So literally every fucking time the dice left someone’s hands he had something bad to say. It was just like Jesus Christ.  That is a lot to deal with.  There was no happy bonding moments or laughing TOGETHER there was only laughing AT ME.  Despite his behavior the entire game I was trying to brush it off and I was maintaining my own true personality which is to slightly laugh and verbally wish someone falls in my little property traps but I also wish well on others during their turns (to varying extents) even if it’s me that is being affected.

I do expect if I play games with someone even if it is not in their usual character that they are going to show a certain level of respect, good sportsmanship & and understanding that their needs to be balance in your energy.  If you’re playing baseball with your notably older friends and you cannot keep up, it doesn’t make the game bad — if they have some negative shit to say every single time you even think about breathing, now suddenly they are not such enjoyable company anymore on the field.

Fast forward.  We have played for at least an hour at this point, I am not speaking up too much in order to keep the peace though I did a few times because he overreacts anytime you try to tell him something about himself that he disagrees with.  I started off on top, then he was up, then I was up, then he was up — every single fucking quarter of the game he had something negative to say no matter what his money looked like.  I reach a financial situation where I need to give up a single property to pay him a hotel rent and within two turns he will be coming around three of my corners that combined have like 7 or 8 houses on it which would certainly set me back up.  So I was not even sweating the situation really.  But his reactions!!!  He starts immediately laughing loud and talking about how I need to sell things, and “look at me go”, “what are you going to sell this time” “looks like you should have made that deal with me and you wouldn’t be selling property right now HAHAHAHAHAHAHA”.  It just did not stop!!  Out of frustration yet true honesty too, I calmly but impatiently informed him that I am out of Backwoods to roll my weed.  Which him and I both know I use for stress reduction in my life.  I need him to either go to the store or give me the keys to do so (literally 50 yards from his house) to get some Backwoods if I am going to continue to play this game with him as his reactions make it hard to emotionally regulate and be happy, he takes all the fucking fun out of anything competitive in other words, seriously.  Again, even when he is losing!!! Like how the fuck do you even accomplish such an obnoxious feat in life???

  He got mad at me, said “Are you serious, you’re really going to do this right now?” Referring to what he would call “cause problems and be a sore loser” since I am now losing to him.  Like I was the one that just spend over an hour being a completely unpleasant player.  I did not even refuse to continue playing I just made it clear that with the way he was acting unless he was going to behave more maturely in competition I do not have the mental health to continue dealing with him in that game tonight without something to roll up some medicinal mary jane in.  From the gas station so close that I can see it from his living room window.  Mind you, it was after 1:30am where we live when this went down… a pretty late time to be dealing with that kind of behavior especially over a game and coming from a man that is damn near 50.  

AITAH???  Or he really needs to mature and start self reflecting himself more like I try to say sometimes out of love for him & desire for our relationship to actually have a chance at working out long term.","This whole post reads like 16 and 19, not 27 and 48"
AITAH for being angry at my brother for inviting over my ex-friend who treated me badly?,"
So basically, I (19F) is staying with my mother (55F) and my brother (21M). I’m only home about less than half the year because I’m at university, so I’m mostly here during breaks.

My brother became friends with a girl named Laura (19F) right after she and i stopped beeing friends. She used to be my friend, but we had a falling out because she caused me a lot of problems. She would lie about me, tell people very personal things I trusted her with, and constantly try to put me down, especially in front of guys. She acts completely different around men, and it really messed with how and what I share with friends now.

My brother doesn’t have many friends, so I was okay with him being friends with her as long as he didn’t invite her over when I’m home. I told him this clearly because having her in the house gives me anxiety. I can’t stop thinking that she’ll snoop around and then tell people embarrassing things about me, like she did before.

Yesterday was already tense because my mom invited my grandmother (her mom) over. I’m on very bad terms with my grandmother because she has insulted me in the past calling me a sl*t because of my body and even accusing me of trying to seduce her 70-year-old boyfriend. So I was already upset that my mom invited her over while I’m here, especially since I’m not home most of the year.

After my grandmother finally left, I wanted to go downstairs to play with my nephew. But my brother texted me telling me not to come down because Laura was over and he knew seeing her would make me upset. At that point, I completely lost it. I hadn’t eaten, I’d already been stuck upstairs because my grandmother hates me, and now I was being forced to hide in my own home because he invited the one person I asked him not to bring over. ( I ended up comming downstairs anyway and boy did she got embarassed, she knows I don't like her )

We argued in our siblings’ group chat. I explained why Laura is a bad person and why we are not friends anymore. My brother said she never did anything to him, so he doesn’t see the problem. My other brother (35M) is also defending him.

Now I don’t know what to think. I would’ve gone back to my apartment early, but my birthday is planned for Saturday, so I can’t leave yet. I’m really angry and don’t want to talk to my brother right now.

So… did I overreact? Or am I justified in being upset and needing space from him?

TL;DR: My brother invited over an ex-friend who lied about me and shared my private life, even though I specifically asked him not to bring her over when I’m home. AITAH for being angry and not wanting to talk to him right now?
",""" I would’ve gone back to my apartment early, but my birthday is planned for Saturday, so I can’t leave yet."" .. you can. And you should. 



Stand up for yourself, and leave? 

  
NTA"
AITAH for Not Wanting a Part in My Sister's Wedding for her Second Marriage?,"My youngest sister (late 20s) finalized her divorce in early 2025, and got engaged to her partner (late 20s) of 1.5 years at the end of Dec 2025. Her fiance is nice, abundantly patient, financially responsible, and has jumped into bonus parenthood of her kids - I have no objections to them getting married and I'm genuinely happy that she has found love again.

Due to financial and life circumstances, she had very little control over her first weddings (she had more than one ceremony with her ex). In addition to them being young, the people paying for the ceremonies wanted control over details. Needless to say, she was never truly happy with those ceremonies, and now is excited that she can have a do over, and plan her dream wedding.

In the 2 weeks since getting engaged, she has gone full steam wedding planning. Any conversations we have are steered to the wedding in one way or another. Through the conversations, it's become clear that she expects everyone (with a few exceptions) to drop whatever pre-scheduled plans they had to fit their upcoming pre-wedding activities and the wedding itself.

They plan to have a summer wedding in 2027, right in the middle of a massive, planned life change for me and my family (cross country move, among other things). When I asked if the date had significance, my sister said no. They just want a summer wedding, so they can have it outdoors at their new home (thus, no venue availability issue).

When I mentioned that the date she chose is right in the middle of my family's exsisting life changes, and she said ""I know you guys had something happening, but it's not fully planned right? It's not that big of a deal. You guys can take off one day for me."" I was floored.

It's true that not all of the details are worked out yet, as not all details for a cross country move can be planned so far out and some factors may still change, but we've blocked our calendars for a little over a month to get things situated during that time. All of my family and friends have been aware of this for well over a year at this point. With some of them offering to help us closer to that time.

Not only will this impact my immediate family, but it will impact any offers of assistance from my extended family during that month. Cross country moves are expensive, time consuming, and stressful on their own. Having help from loved ones can significantly lift some of that burden, and now I'll most likely lose that, as people will be forced to chose to help me or attend their wedding. 

We must move at that time, with or without help.They've been engaged for 2 weeks and have no financial or significant ties to the wedding date.

As of now, we will not be going, and given the way she brushed off my concerns, I don't really want to participate in any other wedding planning or pre-wedding activities, either.

I'm happy for them, I want them to have a healthy marriage, and a beautiful wedding - but the logistics of me and my family attending during that time just won't work. It's not ""just one day"" as she put it - there is travel time before and after, additional financial burden, and stress to juggle all of that.

So, AITAH for choosing not to attend or be part of it?

TLDR: sister chose her wedding date at the same time as my family's cross country move/life changes. AITAH for choosing not to attend the wedding or pre-wedding activities?",The only people obligated to rearrange their entire life for a wedding are the people getting married. Your sister sounds insufferable. NTA
AITAH for not letting my friend room with me?,"   At the time I was 32 years old. Let's call my friend Tina, she's 5 years older then me. We first met while being roommates during DragonCon 2018, been roomies for 3 years. 
If you don't know what DragonCon is, it's a huge fandom convention for us nerds. I been attending since 2013. 
Tina, & I got a long great. We had basic roommate rules. Be respectful of each other's stuff, & be respectful while we're trying to slepp (so I thought). Every year same thing, I pay her my share day of con. She would always book a host hotel,& I paid $400; check in Thursday, check out Monday.
   In 2024, Tina agreed for my friend Pheobe to crash with us in her hotel room. Tina didn't notify me about not having a hotel room, until July.. 1 month away until DragonCon. She said she couldn't get a room, because she something happened with her payment. 
If you know DragonCon, then you know how impossible it can be finding a hotel room, especially last minute. We call it the hotel hunger games, for a reason.
   Thankfully, I found a hotel room that was just a 15 minute walk from the host hotels. Checked in Wednesday, check out Monday. My friend Pheobe was already confirmed my roommate,& helped pay for the hotel room. 
Tina asked to room with me for one night, since she wasn't sure if her job would allow her to attend con everyday. I did agree, if she would pay her share. Because it was last minute, I couldn't get the discount rates, so the hotel room was full price. For Pheobe I decided that $350 for 3 nights it's fair. Tina would be $400 for 4 nights. They both agreed on the price. 
Tina went ghost for awhile, until the day of con. She would try negotiating prices with me, trying to make her pay cheaper. First she said she could only go Saturday, & Sunday. So the price would be $250. For one night $150. 
Then she asks for Sunday,& Momday ,to only pay me $100, & buy me food. I agree, thinking that would be fair. 
On Thursday she finally asks me a ""huge favor"". If she could stay Saturday-Monday, & pay me back AFTER the con, once her paycheck is cleared up...That gave me major red flags. Something in my gut, told me no. 
I got advice from 2 bestfriends, who believed it sounded like Tina was trying to take advantage of me. They pointed out how unfair it was that Tima would always charge me, & anyone else who roomed with us $400. In 2023, my bestfriend & her husband stayed just for ONE NIGHT. Tina asked $400 from EACH OF THEM. I honestly felt that was very unfair. I understand it's a host hotel room, but $400 for just ONE NIGHT, just sounds selfish in my opinion. She was going to make Pheobe pay $400 Friday-Monday. 
I remember one year asking Tina, if I could just use her room as a place to change,& keep my cosplays. I would still pay my share for using the room. I was thinking $155, but she told me it would be $400. 
I was always taught, more roommates you have, cheaper the hotel split cost will be. Or you pay by how many nights you stay. 
   It felt clear, now that I have a room. Tina feels entitled to ask me for favors, like I owe her. I had a feeling if I agreed, I would never see that money.
I simply told Tina, that I'm sorry, but it wouldn't be fair. Considering I paid her $400, for 5 years straight to room with her. It wouldn't be fair to Pheobe, to allow someone to stay for free.  
Tina replied,""Total sense! You did say $100 the other day but no worries! If you wanna grab lunch during Con, let me know!""
I actually went through my messages, to make sure I was correct. I explained to Tina I said $150. She asked me to make it $100, & give me something like food for the $50 part, is what I thought you were saying.
She was definitely snarky about that, but trying to play it cool, by saying let's just hangout, & meet for lunch one day. We never did hangout. She ghosted me after that. 
Should I have agreed, or did I do the right thing? Do I owe her an apology at all? 
   My bestfriend (the one who stayed that one night), believes I did the right thing. She reminded me how rude Tina was of a hotel room host, for keeping her ""work alarm"" on,& it going off at 4am, & kept going off every few minutes. My bestfriend felt like, her & her husband wasted that $800, because she got no sleep. I did agree with her point.
The one year Tina agreed to turn off her work alarm, she complained to me the next day, saying she was late for work, because her alarm didn't go off.
The last year I roomed with Tina, it was first year on a new volunteer team, & my shifts would start at 9am. She would throw pillows at me to wake me up, so she could talk to me. I was already pi$$ed off at the loud DJ music, that went on until 5AM. The DJ music, is what made me not want to sleep at that same host hotel room again. 
I don't think I'll ever be rooming with Tina again. If did, it will be a strict rule for her to turn off the alarm, & not to wake me up, so I can sleep in the hotel room I paid for. 
   Was I the a$$ hole, for not letting Tina room with me?",Paragraphs are a wonderful thing
AITAH for telling how I felt,"So after many years of science I wrote to my ex friend and I was not nice, a little background, I had this friend years back that I met trough gaming we knew eachother for a decade online we talked almost daily and we had similar interests, however through the years he has been somewhat toxic and condescending with me. He's from a western country living with is parents having a low paying job sleeped around alot, in his 30s me being from eastern Europe and had to earn my shit. I cut off relations with him after he got a 19 year old gf and become more toxic. So last night I wrote him some not so nice (but true) facts and feelings towards him and of course I was met with an pompous and high and mighty reply that was long as a novel (he always liked his own voice) including his usual stab at me for drinking, and telling me how awesome his life is although nothing really changed for him since we spoke. Than he asked me to never contact him again so I just replied K and blocked him.","Why reach out to someone like this in the first place?? You just told him he was still relevant in your life. If it's been years, let to go!"
AITAH BY TELLING MY EX/BABY DADDY HE NEEDS TO BREAK UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND AND GO YO THERAPY??,"So me (f24) and my ex- fiance (m25) broke up when our son was 3 months old. It was difficult break up, he wasn't ready to be a father due to past traumas and the fact he thought he would never be a great father. 

Before getting pregnant we were madly in love, life was good. We worked in the same place, and lived a happy life together. Moved in together very early one though. Then I felt pregnant and we didn't know what to do, he wanted me to get a a***tion and I was on the fence. I spoke to my parents in confidence on the fact we didn't know what to do, and that I was on the fence. I ultimately realized I couldn't go through THAT process, and was keeping what is now my son. 

I informed my partner at the time that I was keeping the baby and that I didn't expect him to stay, I was ready to move out and cut all ties with him since I knew he had no interest in being a father. I would basically disappear of the face of the earth for him. 

He chose to stay, at first it was fine, then the later we got in the pregnancy he wanted to be out drinking with all his friends leaving me all alone. There were some nights I would be left home alone waiting for him to get back from work and he would never come home, not to till the early hours of the morning. We argued more, and I said to him that he needed to let me go because I was not strong enough to let him go. Plus, he was getting violent when he was drunk, saying he loved me but despised the baby and that he wanted it dead. Then once he would sober up he would be on his knees crying and apologizing begging me to forgive him- I know I'm the idiot to stay but unless you have been a similar situation you couldn't understand the mind set you are in. 

Long story short, he broke up with me one night after his best friend messaged me to say that I needed to be ready when he comes home because he needed to speak to me- My ex had spoken to his best mate about everything before coming home and his decision. He told me to get his son a better dad and that all he wanted to do was hurt his son for even making a noise and that he wanted us away from him. Be safe. So we did. 

I dealt with the heart break poorly, I kept on getting drunk when I didn't have my son (he would be at grand parents) or go to the pub where I would end up messaging him and see him where we would cry, be angry or be sad that things ended up the way they did. Then one night he said enough from enough and that I needed to stop being so pathetic and move on. 

So I did, now back to the present and his 9 months of disappearance where I find out he got with my friend/work colleague a few weeks after our break up- that hurt -and now we are on talking terms and he sees his son once or twice a month to try and restart his bond with son while he's still young. This started in March 2025 (We broke up in 2024). 

Since the reconnecting my ex had called me at 1am multiple times saying his is desperately sorry for what he did to me and our son and how he loves us and that he never wanted things to go this way. When we've met up we've had heart to hearts about how we wish things were different. Christmas night, 2025, my son went to the hospital and he called me after we got home panicked and checking on how his son was and if he was okay. That was when he wanted to make things right and that he loved me, by this point I have been to therapy and realized that I needed to move on from him and put boundaries between us, I told him thank you and we eneded the conversation. 

He went out drinking a few nights ago and messaged me again that he was so sorry for not responding to my messages about our son and he is so sorry and that he's really struggling with his mental health and that he felt so bad. This was at 1 am when I was sleeping, I woke up to this message and wanted to make sure he was okay. I asked him to give me a call or a text message just to let me know he was okay, I was worried. It's concerning messages to wake up too. 

I waited all day for a response only to get nothing, I was really worried about him but I waited patiently. There s a history of poor mental health in his family and then those people ending their life early. So of course I'm worried. He finally messages late acting like it was nothing and that I don't need to worry any more. 

In-between this time I found out he had an argument with his girlfriend that night and that he messaged me straight away afterwards. 

I blew up on him, telling him he needed to get his shit together. I'm done worrying about him and his health, worrying about him doing harm to himself. I don't want that around our son. To the main part of tittle, I also said he needed to consider his relationship with his girlfriend if he's constantly calling me saying what he's saying and conversation we have had talks about him being single so he can focus on himself for a bit and it was something he wanted but continues in the relationship. Part of me is saying this to him because I don't want another girl to be as heart broken as I was, it's been a year and a half and I've only just started to heal. Then another part of me is sick and tired of being a middle man of a relationship that I'm not in. Nor should I be. I do not want to be the ex he runs to when things get tough, I'm sick and tired of it. 

I want to block and delete him but I love his side of the family and they love me, I have their grandson and nephew. They continue to say they love us and support us- even spoil us for Christmas! They are helping me with childcare while I study in university. 

Am I the asshole for saying he needs to just break up with his girlfriend and go to therapy because I've had enough??? ","Yes, YTA for even considering having him be part of your life.  And caring who he is dating and how mentally damaged he is.  

Fun fact, you can block him without cutting off his family.  I'd recommend it."
AiTAH for being annoyed that I’m not getting a new cell phone after all?,"So I (24M) am on the family cell phone plan but I reimburse my parents on a monthly basis for my share of it, and I own my phone outright. I’ve been obsessed with phones since I was a kid, and I’ve always looked forward to getting new ones. 

I hadn’t thought about a new one in quite some time as I figured no point In it since they haven’t changed much recently and my current cell phone is only a year or so old, though this week my father asked me to look into a new carrier for the 5 of us. He was sick of paying $400 monthly for it, after my share of it was paid. I said ok and found a plan that would save him about $80 a month. I kind of wanted out of the Apple ecosystem and figured this was my opportunity to do so. 

He agreed to that plan, and told my mom and younger brothers we were getting new phones and he and I went to the store. Being the phone fanatic I am he wanted me to come with him which I agreed to. He tells me to pick a device out and order a case for it online immediately which I do. I picked out a nice new Samsung device and ordered a case for it on Amazon. 

So I really thought I was getting a new cell phone. He also ordered cases for the other 4 phones, but not mine as I’m an adult. Fair enough, I can take care of myself in that regard. I was excited for my new phone and started getting things ready to transfer. 

We get to the store and they tell us about the down payments of $100 or so on each device. I tell him no problem and offer to cover mine. He changes his mind immediately and said “No, I don’t need a new phone and the other kids don’t need them either. Sorry son.” 

I asked him why he said no and he told me he had no incentive to put in the investment on the down payments of new phones when the idea was to save money rather than spend it. I just told him that investments of saving money cost money sometimes and he told me to fuck off. ",You're 24. It's time to get your own phone plan and make these decisions for yourself.
Aitah for reporting my elderly neighbour for SA,"Saturday afternoon 2pm, I was expecting my mate Chelsea to come round, get a knock at the door and yell out for her to come in. 

No response- so I walk to door and open it to my 78yo Greek neighbour with a tomato and cucumber from his garden. 

He handed me the vegetables then said “can I have your phone number” 

I was like- “why? We’re wogs- yell over the fence at me?” And he said “in case for something important” then I said “your daughter (my landlord/owns the house I rent) has my number!” “No no, for an emergency” and I was like….. get it from HER! then he insisted “please just in case” so I was like whatever so I took his phone, punched my number in and handed it back, as soon as he grabbed the phone he said “don’t say anything because you know, women get jealous” and I was like 😳 what? 

He then put one arm around the back of my neck/shoulders and the other at my waist and pulled me in FIRMLY for an intimate kiss. 

I turned my head and he got my cheek instead of my mouth- I then said “oooookaaaaay” and was pushing him off. JUST AS MY MATE SHOWED UP AND DROVE IN THE DRIVEWAY. 

He scurried off and I pulled her inside to tell her what happened. I actually remember he did something similar when I first moved in (not so forceful but still tried to kiss my mouth) and I minimised and brushed it off. This time I flew off the handle. I immediately texted his daughter/my landlord to tell her that her dad just came over and tried to kiss me and tell me to keep it secret. 

Her response: “I’m working, will deal with this tomorrow”

I spent all day thinking about whether it constituted crossing a boundary- whether anyone would believe me- why it happened- how I could’ve prevented it. 

Then it got to about 9.30pm and I couldn’t relax. I kept thinking about him coming up my driveway- he’s been coming into my property casually the whole time I’ve lived here, making excuses to cut trees or give me veggies or something- just to engage. 

Because he is the father of the home owner I started spiralling- did he have a spare key? Was he going to come in and rape me while I was in bed?! 

I rang a helpline- I rang SOCIT- I placed a report and tried to lodge an intervention order immediately so that he wasn’t allowed on the property or near me and if he tried he could be arrested. It made me feel immediately better knowing I’d done something formal about it.

I messaged my landlord IMMEDIATELY and told her to expect a call from police to discuss the matter. She responded again by saying “you didn’t need to do that, he just had a bit too much to drink” 

😧 

I was absolutely livid. 

I asked her what was wrong with her- as another woman? How minimising it makes her complicit and that I was going to contact a lawyer and was going to block her so not to contact me further. 

I feel so unhinged and like I have instant PTSD and OCD triggered cuz I can’t relax, I can’t stop checking my window and down the driveway- I want to smash his car with a bat, burn his house down- stab him with a screwdriver. 

But obvs I can’t. 

I spoke with the real estate agent and she said she will help me move and find somewhere new if I want to do that. I don’t have the time, energy, resources- to find a new home and move into it!???? And because they’re old and own their house- I HAVE TO BE the one to move 🤷🏽‍♀️

I’m in naarm Victoria Australia in case that matters. If anyone has advice or wants to chime in I’d be grateful for the input- I’m so beside myself but I can’t tell if this is something I should have just ignored and just STFU about 🤦🏽‍♀️ ","I wonder how many times someone has just brushed this guy off. I doubt (unless he has some sort of recent brain trauma ie a stroke) that this behavior just started.

I'm saying this next thing to reassure you not to minimize. I don't think he is going to break into your house a rape you. I think you are relatively safe. That doesn't mean however that you shouldn't follow up with as much reporting or whatever you can do as you want to. For yourself and because people have been letting this grown ass man slide for too long I suspect."
AITAH for exposing a former friends dark secrets?,"So I’m wondering, AITAH after exposing a former friend and the fact that she was an absolute pathological liar. I had met this former friend through one of my longtime childhood friends, and she was very charismatic and we hit it off quite well. We enjoyed hanging out together and would frequently take out her only child at the time with us and she quickly became like family to me. We come from a small town we’re virtually. Everybody knows everybody else’s business, it doesn’t take long for any sort of rumors to spread throughout the entire community.  

For the sake of this post, I will refer to this girl as “Mel“. As I started to get to know her more and more things were not adding up about stories that she would tell. She always needed to play the victim and always had to have her life revolving around some sort of drama, which she would, of course post on all of her social media to garner support and even GoFundMe’s. 

As I started to notice the inconsistencies in her stories, I started to investigate more and more. The pinnacle point of this is when she called me crying stating that she had lost her nursing license after the a set of terrorist attacks in 2015 in our area. For years she had been claiming that she was a flight nurse, however, at the time I was a paramedic in nursing school myself, and I personally responded to the terrorist attacks. She claimed that she lost her license because they flew in to extract victims, and instead of going to victims that needed help, she had stopped to pray with one victim that died. 

I know that this was a lie for a matter of fact is there were no airships that responded to this incident. Aside from law-enforcement airships, our airspace was completely closed due to the nature of the situation. There were also two major trauma centers and three other hospitals within a very close radius of this event, so there was no reason for an airship to even be called in. 

I started to dive in even deeper, thinking maybe she was a paramedic that was lying about being a nurse. Turns out no she’d never been licensed as anything in the area, not even as EMT basic she had lied about who her son‘s father was, and even about being the alleged ex-wife of a very popular metal band. The band member in question is now deceased and has never been married. She uses his name and claims he’s her ex husband. She also has lied about her heritage and claiming that she is Native American. 

I had run into a mutual acquaintance who was talking about the unfortunate situation that she was in with losing her nursing license, etc., and I informed this person of the truth, and that she has literally been lying about everything from her career to her relationships to her heritage. The mutual friend who we met through told me that I was TA for divulging this information. Even after this, she continues to tell these lies when it’s very easy to look it up as things such as a nursing license, paramedic license, etc. are public record. So I need to know AITAH? ","once someone fakes licenses, dead ppl, and heritage, the friendship NDA is void. that’s not tea, that’s fraud-adjacent."
AITAH for getting upset over labels,"My boyfriend (54M) of 1.5 y went to a bar alone today that we've frequented together.  When the bar tender asked ""where's your girlfriend"" he replied ""we don't do labels, we have fun and hang out.  She's out of town and will be back next week."" AITAH for getting upset that he's denied our relationship?  

As he was telling me, I was so upset.  Over the past 1.5yrs, he's referred to me as his girlfriend, but when single in a bar he denies that he's in a relationship.  Is he trying to establish that he's single? Do I really mean nothing to him?  He tried to say that we agreed we don't like labels, I reminded him that's a conversation I didn't participate in because it didn't happen.  Help reddit!","If he calls you his girlfriend in private but calls you a bit of fun in public, that's not your boyfriend.

NTA but I'd peace out. He either doesn't respect you or is trying to appear single to get attention from other women. Probably both."
AITAH for calling out a pay gap at work in front of everyone?,"I’ve been working at the same company for several years and have always had a good, professional relationship with my coworkers, but something happened recently that made things really uncomfortable. During an informal conversation at work, the topic of salaries came up and one of my coworkers mentioned how much he makes. We do exactly the same job, have the same workload, and I actually have more responsibilities, yet he earns significantly more than I do. When I pointed this out, the mood immediately shifted and someone said he probably just negotiated better and that it wasn’t an appropriate topic to discuss in that setting. Later on, my boss pulled me aside and told me that talking about salaries creates conflict and that I should keep those concerns private. Since then, I’ve felt bad for saying anything, but at the same time I feel like if I hadn’t spoken up, no one would have questioned the situation, and that the real issue isn’t me bringing it up but the pay gap itself. Now I’m questioning whether I crossed a line by mentioning it at work or if I was justified in speaking up. **AITA?**","Entirely appropriate. Only the bosses win when salaries are taboo conversation. That's why your boss came down so hard. The answer is to talk more, not less.

I would suggest that you do it in smaller groups, no sense getting yelled at more, but definitely do it.

NTA"
AITAH For Wanting My Fiancé To Stop Watching Porn - NSFW,"I 22F am engaged to a 31M. we’ve been together for about three years now. I have never been in a serious relationship and I went into this relationship as a virgin. TLDR at the bottom.

A few months after we started dating Ray (fake name) said he had an addiction to porn. I asked him if he could start trying to stop (after we stopped having sex for about three weeks) since now he has a girlfriend and I can replace those self love sessions with sex. He seems excited by that. Well he wasn’t. I understand that an addiction isn’t something you can just stop over night. So I was hoping to help ease him out of it. 

But about a month later we hit a dry spell. I ask him if he’s been masterbaiting and watching porn he says yes. I feel more comfortable with him now so I let him know how I truly feel about the matter. i say  I really don’t like how that makes me feel. I understand it’s a habit for you but when you watch porn it kind of feels like cheating to me because you’re getting off to other people. I also tell him that it makes me feel like I’m not pretty enough. He says he understands and I ask him to promise not to watch porn anymore if it’s going to affect our relationship but he could still masterbait. I make a point to say please don’t promise if you’re not going to actually follow through due to prior relationship issues. He promises and I think all is well. That night we have sex. 

Then a couple weeks go by and we haven’t had sex since that night. I have tried initiating sex but he rejects me. So I ask, are you masterbaiting? He says yes. I nod and then ask are you watching porn? He looks away with a smirk and I get a pit in my stomach. Maayyybeee he says. I explain again how it makes me feel and he says it’s not like that. He tries to convince me that it’s ok. I felt lied to. He promised me he wouldn’t and he still did it. Then he’s standing there looking like he’s happy he got caught. He says if it means that much to me then he promises he’ll stop. I nod and go lay down. 

About three months go by of sex about once a week but he used to want sex all the time. Before me he would hook up with men so he could have sex and he told me he did this quite often. Well we moved in to my house together and got engaged. We don’t have sex the night of our engagement or the night after. Honestly I came to him crying asking why we haven’t “celebrated” he said well we’ve both been tired. I never felt uglier. That night he initiates sex and I say yes thinking this will help calm us both down after the argument but it’s obvious he’s doing this because he feels obligated to. I ask to stop. 

Fast forwarding a few months we hit dry spells of a week and a half or so but I never say anything because I’m afraid of the answer. Then one day while I’m bringing him some lunch at his weekend job he says on his winter break he’s going to masterbait. I say well as long as you’re not watching porn. He holds his hand up to show his fingers crossed and says he promises he won’t. I get upset. I again explain why I don’t want him watching porn and he says it helps him relax and destress. I’m mad at this point so I say that doesn’t matter. You promised me multiple times you would stop but you haven’t! You’re making me feel so insecure! It’s like you prefer masterbaiting to having sex with your fiancé! He said fine I’ll never do it again! I’ll never watch porn or masterbait if that’ll make you happy! I said it’s not the masterbaiting that upsets me it’s the porn. He says ok! He swears he’s done. I made him hold up his hands so I could see if they were crossed. 

Well fast forward to last night. We were lying in bed. We haven’t had sex in over two weeks and I ask have you been masterbaiting? He says yes. I ask have you been watching porn? He says I have to kiss him before he’ll tell. I kiss him and he holds my head there for a while before releasing me. He says yes. I stay calm. I ask in the past two weeks how often have you masterbaited? He hesitates then says four times. I don’t know if that’s a real number or not but I just nod. Then I ask where do you do it? He tells me he does it in the bed after I leave for work in the morning. I nod again. Then he says he used this machine that he said he bought for me, it’s like a dildo that attaches to a pushing in and out machine, on himself this morning after I left in a bad mood. (I was upset because the previous night he hadn’t come to bed with me like he said he would) I fake laugh and he said he didn’t like it. I said well maybe you should have used more lube. He grins and says so you like that huh? I ask what he means. He says well what I hear when you say that is you want me to do it again with more lube. I just fake laugh and avoid answering. I ask if he did that out of spite. He tells me no he just was upset that I left in a hurry that morning so he decided to “take the edge off”. 

The truth is I don’t know if I can go on in this relationship but I’m pregnant. I know, why would you get pregnant with a dude that doesn’t like having sex with you? Well because he said it’s his dream to have a kid and he said he wanted that dream with me and when he asked we were doing good in our relationship so I stopped taking my birth control for him. (He would never wear a condom because they “take away the feeling and never fit him right”) and yes I understand it takes two but that’s why I feel like this is missing so much context. I feel stuck. I don’t think I would be as upset over this if there weren’t other relationship issues present but that’s for another post. My dream is we stay together, raise our child and have a healthy sex life. I don’t know. Am I the asshole?

  
TLDR: My boyfriend had a porn addiction. He’s promised me time and time again that he would stop watching porn but he keeps doing it. Even after I explained that it kind of felt like cheating to me because he’s getting off to other people. Over the course of three years we’ve moved in together, gotten engaged, and now I’m pregnant. I’ve offered sex many times but I’m almost always rejected. He said recently he’s gotten his masterbaiton down to two times a week but we haven’t had sex in over two weeks. Am I the asshole? 

","“I 22F am engaged to a 31M. we’ve been together for about three years now”

🤦‍♂️"
Aitah for not talking to my parents about what and how I will get when they pass?,I am the last living child of my parents. My brother died and left 5 children now I have helped out where and when I can. However the death did make them tell about the trust they set up I know very little and have ask to know very little about who and how much. My family has almost been torn apart by death money that it been ingrain in me you don't ask it's not yours. Well I know land is in the trust I know the land is going to be sold someday. My husband thinks I'm the whole for not asking for the land sell now and give it to me now to start a company. So am I? ,NTA. It's not yours until they die. They may change how they want to distribute it.
AITAH for telling my husband to start making his own food?,"So for context I am 26F and my husband is 29. We have been married for 3 years and we have a great relationship. Yes we have our problems but nothing that we haven't been able to overcome. Normally I am the one who makes breakfast, lunch, and dinner for us. For the past month I have been noticing that my husband will not eat the food I make and it goes to waste. I have asked him many times if the food I made is not good and he tells me ""no I love your cooking but I'm not hungry right now and I'm gonna eat it later"". I'm like okay whatever that's fine so I put his food in the microwave because when he says ""later"" I'm thinking maybe and hour or two from whenever I made the food. Making food for my family is my love language. So whenever he doesn't eat the food I make, it does make me a little sad but I'm a very sensitive person so I try not to make a big deal out of it and I really try hard to justify his decisions. I normally ask him what he would like to eat and he'll give me the good ole typical man response which is ""food"". So that quite literally leaves me in charge of what we decide to eat. I don't like to go out to eat and a lot of the food I make, I make from scratch. Let me also add that I am a Mexican woman. So literally everything is from scratch besides my bread. I am horrible at making bread. So I no longer try to attempt it. Just a few days ago I made him breakfast and he specifically told me what he wanted, which was eggs with cheese and peppers in it. That's a normal breakfast dish for us so I made it without hesitation for him before he went to work. Once I was done with making his breakfast, I let him know that it was ready and he said ""you know what, I'm not hungry and I don't want to eat it"". That PISSED me off. Because you could've told me that you weren't hungry instead of just watching me make your breakfast and wait till I'm done to tell me you don't want it. Whatever. I ate it. He could see that it made me annoyed and from my perspective, I see that as a decent reason to be annoyed with him. I didn't react negatively, but I did make a mental note of it. I will go all out with dinner. I'm not just making the same meals everyday. I make sopes, enchiladas, sloppy joes, mole, Chile quiles, homemade salsa, shrimp ceviche, chicken fried rice, pork chops and mashed potatoes. The list literally goes on. But this past month he has not been eating my damn food and if you're Mexican then you know that that is like a slap in the face. This is one of the main ways that I show my love and support. This is how you know that I truly care and I want you to feel that. So anyways I make the food and I serve him his plate, we put on a movie and normally we will eat together. But I have been noticing that I am the only one that finishes my plate. My husband will take a couple bites and say ""it's great babe thank you"" and doesn't touch it again afterwards. And it'll just sit on the table and not be eaten. So now I'm wondering damn is my food not good? Do I have blind taste buds now and can't tell that I'm making shitty food? Is this not something he likes and I just never noticed? Is there something wrong? But then about a couple hours after I make food, I see his ass making a bowl of cereal or some stupid maruchan noodles from the pantry and that makes me feel bad. I know it shouldn't because I'm a damn good cook. I'm the one who is put in charge of all of the food during the holidays and my family and friends love my cooking. So I know that it's not me. But still it makes me feel bad that I'm not ""capable"" of ensuring that my man eats something better and more fulfilling than a dumb ass bowl of fruit loops. I quite literally start to beat myself up about it. And then I get mad because the plate of food I made is now wasted and he's not gonna eat it. So just last night I told him that from now on he can go ahead and start making himself something to eat since he doesn't eat what I make. He told me that I'm overreacting and that I'm punishing him for not being hungry when I get hungry. But here's the thing, this has been happening for about a month! This isn't something that I just pulled out of my ass because I got mad at him for not eating food that made in one day! This is a common occurrence and I'm sick of it. I explained that to him that I can count on my fingers and toes how many times he has not touched my food or told me he's no longer hungry after I made the food he asked for. He told me that I should still make him food because he loves my cooking but how does he love my cooking if he doesn't even eat what I make and prefers noodles or a bowl of cereal? That doesn't make any sense! This morning I only made myself some breakfast. He was upset and told me that he would like me to make him something. I told him that's too bad. I am not gonna sit here and continue wasting my time and my food just for him not to eat it. So guess what he did? He didn't eat because he decided he wasn't gonna make himself something. The same thing happened with lunch and dinner. I need y'all's opinion! Am I really the AH for not making my husband food? If I am, I will own it. ",Could he be ill? It is very strange....
AITAH for being friends with my friend's ex?,"So my friends, lets call them Ryan and Addie. Ryan and Addie were dating for a few months and a cute couple. We're in high school and they seemed to be sweethearts until Ryan broke up with Addie because he liked someone else. At first i was mad at Ryan and thought he was a jerk until he explained himself a bit more and how he didnt want to hurt Addie, which is why he didnt tell her. I decided i was going to be friends with both since Addie was (at the time) my best friend and Ryan was a decent friend. 

Ryan got with the girl he liked who didn't go to our school. She can be called Mia. I'd never met Mia but I talked to her once or twice on the phone when Ryan called her. She seemed to be okay. Meanwhile Addie was becoming a bit of a brat. She was making up rumours about Ryan, twisting some stories and was constantly accusing me of trying to get with him, which i never did and never will do.

 Ive started distancing myself from Addie as she's been pretty toxic and is going back to some friends who treated both of us badly. Ryan and I were becoming good friends and he came over one day just to watch a movie. Absolutely nothing happened, we laughed, he chased some of the chickens in my yard and half the time he was texting or talking about Mia.

A few days after that I got added to a gc with Mia, Ryan, and one of Mia's friends, she can be called Isabella. Well Isabella didnt like me and that much was clear immediately. I got accused of trying to get with Ryan and Isabella said some very rude things while Ryan and Mia were silent. In a private chat i told Ryan i couldnt believe what she was saying and made a comment about Isabella, calling her a bitch. 

Skip a week or two and after avoiding that group chat (i did try leaving it but kept being added back), and i joined a call for a few seconds because I thought Isabella wasnt on it. She immediately joined and started asking why I was calling her a b-tch and being very snarky. i immediately left the call and was pissed at Ryan thinking he was talking shit about me, instead he explained that he gave Mia his login so she could check he wasnt talking to anyone. And of course she checked our chat first. 

I deleted that social app and was just sick of the drama. I thought I was in the clear since it has been a month or two since that has happened. 

Yesterday i was on call with Ryan and our friend. Ryan talked about Mia frequently and screenshared as he scrolled through her reposted tiktoks. He then found one Mia had made which was asking what she classified cheating as. And in the cheating section was 'hanging one on one with another girl' 'going to another girls house alone' and i cant remember exactly but i think another was having a girl friend or somethin along those lines? Anyways. We both agreed that it was pretty targeted which frustrated me as neither of us like each other and are strictly friends. 

After the call i went to bed and got to sleep, something id been struggling to do all week. When I was asleep I got woken up by ppl spamming my phone and calling me, which already ticked me off. When i finally checked i saw that Ryan had given Mia my number since apparently she wanted to ask me something. I was very annoyed to be woken up by this especially since Mia just said 'I was gonna ask you something but I forgot'. 

I told Ryan that I do not appreciate him giving my number out without asking me first and just would like him to let me know next time. I felt my message was polite but immediately I was told 'Okay but f-ing chill cause my relationship is on the line so f-ing pipe down.' I was surprised and increasingly getting more annoyed. I then told Mia than when she remembered she could ask but for right now i am going to try and sleep again. But i noticed one more message from a different number this time. Isabella had sent me a paragraph that was extremely rude and out of line. Here is what she said, i even copied the message from my screenshot: 
'Hey girl, I don't know why Ur hanging out and calling some dude who has a gf. Ur being desperate. U got some chick crying BC U wanna be selfish. D Plus the dude is Ur so called bsf ex. Ur weird honestly, who let's there bsf ex over. Anyways, making keep Ur legs shut for a bit and stop trying tO get with other people men. Just make U uglier inside. Probably fix that before the outside'

 I was furious, at so many people. At Ryan for giving my number to Mia witbout my permission. At Mia for giving my number to someone else who was a total a-hole to me, especially since I was intending on answering her honestly and putting these stupid rumours to rest. 

I immediately blocked both of them but I was still obviously angry. When I sent a screenshot of the message to Ryan he just said 'oh that sounds like Isabella' and when I said it obviously was he just said 'ok?' And hasnt texted me since. 

Its the next day and I am still furious. I do not appreciate people talking about me like that or my number being given out to people I dont know. I do not think that because I have a friend who is male, I am a wh8re, which Mia and Isabella seem to be convinced of. Im more bothered by the fact that Ryan doesnt seem to care that much either and seems annoyed at me. I know this is all stupid highschool drama but it still frurates me when people are lying about me.

Am I in the wrong here?

","NTA. 

Once you get past your high school years, your social circle will expand significantly which will allow you to find better friends. 

FWIW: Ryan certainly plays into the drama a lot for a guy.  You may regard him as a “friend” but you shouldn’t trust him."
AITAH for screaming at my neighbor after she called animal control on my dog for barking during the day while I'm at work?,My dog barks a lot when I'm at work but always calms down by the evening. Today I got a call from animal control saying my neighbor reported him and I lost it. I went over and ended up screaming at her telling her to mind her business and that my dog isn’t neglected. She looked shocked and now I feel like maybe I overreacted but also I don’t want her calling on us every time he barks. AITAH for blowing up at her over this?,"Geez man ""My dog barks all day but calms down in the evening"" - yah, sounds like you are a problem.   You just expect your neighbors to listen to that shit all day long?"
AITAH for asking my friend to delete a photo of me she posted without permission?,"I recently found out that my friend posted a photo of me on her social media without asking me first.

The photo was taken at a small hangout with friends. I wasn't expecting pictures to be posted, and honestly I didn't like how I looked in it. It wasn't a bad or inappropriate photo, but it just made me uncomfortable to have it online for everyone to see.

I messaged her privately and asked if she could please delete it. I tried to be polite and explained that I didn't feel comfortable with the photo being posted without my permission. She got defensive and said I was overreacting, that it's not a big deal, and that once you're in public you can't control what people post. She also said deleting it would ruin her feed and make things awkward.

Now she's telling mutual friends that I'm dramatic and controlling, and a few of them agree that I should just let it go because it's only a picture.

I feel like I should have a say in what photos of me are posted online, especially since she never asked me first. But now I’m wondering if I made a bigger issue out of this than necessary.","OK - but if friends are telling you to ""let it go"", it leads me to think that it went beyond a single simple request to remove the photo.

Regardless, you asked, and she responded - a real friend would have had your back and just deleted the photo.

NTA."
AITAH for not knowing where a fitted sheet was that I washed?,"
My husband(H) and I(both in early 40's) have been married for 14yrs and have 4 kids ages 3-12. He works in tech and I'm a SAHP. I do all the the house cleaning and cooking while my husband does all the laundry, and washes dishes when he's home.

Backstory: My two sister's stayed with us for a couple days over New Year's. One of them stayed in my daughter's room. Before they left they brought their bedding down and started it. I switched it into the dryer and into a basket when it was done and that's where it sat (this is important). 

On the day the the argument happened, H did laundry all day(6+ loads) so I had zero idea where the sheet in question was other than it was in the laundry room.

We have a camera in daughter's room so this conversation is word for word.


H: Do you have any idea where daughters fitted sheet is? 

M: It's in the laundry room. In a basket.

H: Which basket? The one I brought up here? 

M: I don't know which one you brought up. 

H: I brought the one up with all of her bedding in. That I washed and there wasn't a fitted sheet in that. 

M: Where is that basket? 

H: I put it all away. 

M: Then it's in a different basket. 

H: I'm asking which one you're talking about.

M: I don't know.

H: But you put it in so describe the basket that it's in. 

M: It was white and it had holes in it. It was on the ground in the laundry room.

H: I know what a laundry basket looks like.

M: What do you want me to describe? 

H: Which laundry basket it was in.

I'm growing slightly frustrated.
M: Oh my goodness. Go downstairs and look for it. 

H: If it was in that one, (points to the one he just put away) which you should easily be able to tell me if it was with all this stuff(that he put away), then I know it's not somewhere in here. If you know it's in a different laundry basket downstairs then you're saving me a trip.

M: If it wasn't in there then it's downstairs.(Him looking at me angry.) I don't know where it is and I don't know what your asking me.

H: I'm asking you what laundry basket you put it in.

M: How am I supposed to know? 

H: Because you said it's in the laundry room in a laundry basket so how do you know that if you don't know what basket it's in or with? 

M: How am I supposed describe what basket I put something in, I just told you it's white and has holes in it. 

H: I'll give you a few example, I did the laundry yesterday so it was with everything I washed then, it has a pillow and other things in it, it's on the bottom and there were other things stacked on top of it. Those are all more descriptions then it's white and has holes in it. 

M: I don't know. I have no idea. 

H: How do you know it's down there then? 

M: That was the last place I saw it. 

H: So you didn't wash it? 

M: Either I did or (my sister) but it's clean. 

H: When did you wash it? A while ago? 

M: After my family left(4 days ago) 

H: Ok, so it's in the laundry basket that's been there a long time. 

M: Is 4 days a long time? 

H: Yeah

Walking out of the room mumbling.
M: You made that way to confusing.

In a loud and surprised voice.
H: I made that very confusing?

M: You know what the sheet looked like, if you know you didn't put it away then it's obviously not in the basket you brought up here.

H: It could've fallen out.

M: How could a fitted sheet fall out? 

H: There was a lot of stuff on top it was stacked full. Why is it so hard just to be helpful.

M: I was trying to be helpful. How am I supposed to describe a basket? You were asking what basket is it in. It was in a white basket with a bunch of other crap. 

H: Did you hear when you asked how I can describe it and I gave you 4 or 5 other ways to describe something other than the thing that looks like a basket. 

M: I didn't know any of those answers. I don't know what basket it's in,I don't know if it's on the bottom. I know it's in the laundry room and it's clean. That's all I know. You've been doing laundry all day and I don't know what stuff you put on top of it. (Silent Pause) Do you understand?

H: Yes. I know there's a lot more things you could have said if you tried. Because you just described it to me.

M: I literally didn't describe it to you at all.

H: I know but you just did right now.

M: I told you you didn't know the answer to your questions and you didn't believe me and you insisted on me telling you more information that I didn't know.

H: You did know it. 

M: I told you it was in the laundry room right off the bat. 

H: You knew it's been down there for 4 to 5 days. You knew there might be other baskets stacked in top of it. You knew that you did the laundry. 

M: I said I didn't know any of those things. I said I didn't know if anything was stacked on top of it. I said it was clean and you said a long time ago was 4 days which I don't think was that long. 

H: Whatever you would've said would have been helpful. If you would've just tried a little bit instead of being so confrontational it would've been nice.

I get angry and defensive
M: If you would've used your brain and. 

H: (walks away screaming) Shut Up Wife, I Am Done. I AM DONE. You can put the kids down I'm done.

I'm home with 2 kids all day and answer a million and one questions every second and in this instance H was just adding to it. I tried to answer H's question the best I could but am I the AH for not doing a better job?? I've been giving him space and usually he comes around but he's giving been me the silent treatment for the past 10 days. Which makes me believe I'm in the wrong here.","It's exhausting just READING this conversation.

Here's how a healthy version of this would sound:

H: Do you have any idea where daughters fitted sheet is?

M: It's in the laundry room. In a basket.

H: Gotcha, let me go check the baskets.

End of conversation. If he still can't find it, you look for it together. His line of questioning is insane and no doubt made you feel insane. How are you supposed to know where everything is when he's the one who has been doing all the laundry and moving everything around?

Seems like he just wanted to pick a fight and make you feel stupid. Does he do this a lot?"
AITAH for draining water from my plants onto my neighbor's roof?,"I water some flowerpots from my garden daily, and some of the water drips over from my balcony onto my neighbor's rooftop. Since his house and roof are very poorly kept and he moved in recently, he has some infiltration issues on his porch (that also happen with normal rainfall) and asked me to stop watering the plants. 

Seeing the issue, I have fixed the edge of his roof on the wall we share (replaced broken tiles and added new shingles with proper surface preparing and caulking), now the water runs normally with no leaks along the tiles onto his garden (plain grass).

Today I overheard him talking shit behind my back to my landlord and asking him to intervene, talking about how the water is ruining his property and how I ""just fixed the roof because I knew I was in the wrong"". AITAH? What would be a good solution?",Nah you’re not some evil plant villain lol but you should’ve stopped the water instead of fixing his roof. That kinda backfired. He sounds paranoid and messy. Best solution is simple trays or moving the pots so nothing drips over. Peace > being right.
AITAH for not caring when my parents drop their past traumas.,"There’s been times where my parents have lectured me but always find someway to involve themselves into the lecture saying me and my sister are the only family they have and start talking about the way their family members have treated them in the past. Personally, I can’t find myself to show any sort of empathy towards them when they tell me such stories. That’s not to say I’m insensitive towards any trauma someone has endured in the past, but they’ve treated me like shit for a good portion of my life so I lost any sort of pity or respect I had towards them so when I hear those sob stories I genuinely do not care and I begin to wonder how it even pertains to the lecture, as it has nothing to do with the conversation or the topic at hand. I was fine with it a few times, but it’s like they do it every single time they try and lecture me and it’s genuinely annoying. I obviously don’t say anything about it cuz I’m sure that would be disrespectful but it bores me to hear that.

If it was from anybody else telling me how they’ve been treated by their families I would care but when it comes to my parents telling me about their past I don’t, another huge thing is the fact that they STILL keep engaging with their extended family members when they absolutely don’t have to. So at this point you’re doing this to yourself and playing along, despite faking your kindness towards them. I feel like I’ve never had my parents show any sort of remorse when I’ve cried over things they’ve done or said to me which were genuinely abusive and some things  are not even meant to be said to your kids and putting them off as “jokes” doesn’t make it any less better. Also whenever I heard them be rude towards my sister I’m also so disappointed because they except her to act a certain way but they’re the role models essentially and aren’t doing anything to show that. Besides providing like the bare minimum for us and buying us things. The emotional aspect that comes with being a parent is never there or it’s not enough, it’s always ruined when they start threatening us for “hurting” them when some things or rather everything I do is not even explicitly targeted towards them but they take it as such.","Fuck 'em. 

that said, for your own sake to keep getting money from them, I'd dial it down a bit and throuw out a few ""Oh that's terrible"" and so on."
AITAH for asking my daughter to endure my boyfriend during her birthday?,"Hello Reddit! I (47F) have been in a relationship with my partner (54M) for 10 years now and I want to specify that I am using the term ""boyfriend"" in the title purely for legal reasons, we are not legally or religiously married, but refer to each other as husband and wife and, overall, see ourselves this way. We also don't live together despite spending most of our waking hours in each other's company.
My daughter (20F, going to be 21) doesn't like the boyfriend, I know it, she tries to hide it, but I know it and honestly, I think he knows it as well. I am not sure about the reason why she doesn't like him, but I have my suspicions and I believe it is largely because of our last break up (we broke up and got back together quite a few times). He was the one who broke up with me because of my different political views. It was a kinda asshole break up, we were in the market the day after my president candidate won the elections, he took the car and left me there. For context, we are not Americans.
Our last broke up lasted 6 months, I think my daughter doesn't like him because of how much I ranted about him to her, I think there are more reasons actually, but he was never disrespectful towards her.
Her birthday is in a few weeks and we always do the same thing, we go out to a nice place to have lunch, walk around some nice/touristic place and she goes to her father's house to spend the rest of the day. She likes it.
My boyfriend, whenever her birthday is close, always asks me ""what are we going to do for your daughter's birthday?"" And I just can't say to him that he is not invited, I know he would cry on the spot and this puts me in an overall difficult position, telling my husband that my daughter doesn't want him present in her birthday, it is no big deal, just enduring him another day for my sake. It's not a big sacrifice I am asking.

Anyway Reddit, am I the asshole?",Your daughter shouldn’t have to endure something she doesn’t want on *her* birthday. YTA
WIBTAH for quietly cutting off my friend?,"Hi, i’m on moble so sorry for any bad formatting. ill provide a bit of backstory.

I (17M) had a boyfriend who I’ll call Joey (17M). He broke up with me in October, saying it wasn’t that he didn’t like me but that he felt he wasn’t adequate. I was heart broken for a week or two before pulling myself together. At first I only did it because I thought he wouldn’t want to see me so sad (i knew this was a bad mindset, but i needed something to get started) and eventually did it for myself. 

  
We had a few mutual friends, of which only one is important, Spring(16F I believe). today we were talking and she mentioned her boyfriend. i, for some reason, had thought for a while that i knew her boyfriend was, but i decided to ask her who it was/ “whats his name”? She skirted around telling me, worried I’d be mad, before telling me it was Joey. I told her I wasn’t mad, I just thought it weird my friend was dating my ex. She told me he and our other mutual friend (not important person rn) told her that he and I were never together and it was a “misunderstanding“. I guess that’s why she thought it would be okay to date him.

  
I told her we were indeed together and provided proof in the form of my call logs (we called very often) and screenshots of our conversations where we clearly talk like we are in a relationship. she said thank you and maybe he was ashamed. now, here’s the big part.

  
would i be the asshole for just silently removing myself from her life? i know i said i wouldn't be upset, but in truth, i just wanted to know if my suspicion was correct. Im not angry over him, but in the words of my sister in law, it feels like i “dont have a real friend” in her.  my reasoning is even if she thought we didn’t really date, she saw how heartbroken i was and sited that as a reason she didn’t want to tell me. But not only that, she just accepted what they said at face value without checking with me. Im not really angry I just don’t think she’ll be valuable to my life if she acts like that. I want to silently not communicate with her, akin to ghosting i guess. i wouldn’t reach out anymore or reply much if she texts me. WIBTAH?","Man, nah, you wouldn’t be the asshole. Honestly, it’s not even about Joey at this point, it’s about trust. If she straight up believed their version instead of checking with you, that says a lot. Sometimes people just… aren’t really friends, you know? Ghosting might be the cleanest way to protect yourself."
AITAH for not wanting my mom at my wedding?,"\[There will be a TLDR at the end\]

Backstory: growing up I (26m) was always closer to my dad than my mom. I was one of four sibling but the only one from both my mom and dad. It wasn’t like my dad treated my siblings any different from me. When my brother had cancer my dad would drive him to appointments 6+ hours away, when my sister started to get older (teenager) he’d help her deal with teenage drama, when my older brother made poor decisions and got locked up my dad drive us all to the youth camp my brother was sent to. That left me (the baby of the family) and I saw how my siblings acted and did what I could to get good grades so I could leave home as soon as possible. 

My parents got divorced when I was about 13 years old.

My mom: she always put her pot smoking before us kids. At some points selling the food stamps we got so she could get high. 

My dad: while not quite a drunk he’d drink more than was probably appropriate and get anger issues. 

Back to getting good grades and leaving, when I turned 18 I moved in with my dad, my mom was upset but I had life goals I needed to meet. When I graduated from high school there was a seat left open where my mom didn’t attend. Later I joined the military and graduated from recruit training. Neither of my parents made the trip to see me graduate. 

I built my life by myself after that serving for 5 years and getting out having saved enough to start my life. I moved back to my home state though I’m still about a 6 hour car drive from my nearest family. Which brings us to modern day.

Modern day: I found the girl of my dreams and I’m going to marry her. Before I can marry her though I had to introduce her to my family. So she took a day off of work and we spent a weekend driving to my family. I was set to have thanksgiving with my dad and then breakfast the next morning with my mom. 

On the way to the area where my family lives my mom texted me and asked if my dad was coming to breakfast and I told her no. I know she cant stand to be around him and she knows that I wouldn’t invite him to this breakfast. She was using it as an excuse to not be at breakfast the next morning. She texted me again and said she wanted to change the place we were having breakfast because it was too close to the town where my dad lives. When I told her I can’t add a 45 minute drive to the days schedule because we’re trying to see more people than her that day she told me either change my plans or she won’t be at breakfast the next morning.

I didn’t change plans and she didn’t text me the next morning or even the following next week. About 2 weeks later she texted me and asked when the wedding was and I asked her which wedding because I’m not even engaged yet and won’t be for another 5-6 months. 

She kept badgering me about. Ring in this wedding I’m apparently having and keeps asking if she’s invited or what her rolls will be. The breaking point came when she then told my sister (who has always been more of a mother to me) that I’m getting married and didn’t invited and of my family, only my (apparently) fiancés family. My sister called me and was upset and it took me 20+ minutes to explain I’m not engaged. 

This whole thing has me thinking about when I do get married though if I even want my mom to be there since she’s never attended any of my other life events. An option I entertained in the past has been if she doesn’t show up to my college graduation then she’s not invited. My girlfriend thinks I’m being too harsh because she’s my mom and doesn’t understand (I don’t think) how great her mom is and how not great mine is.

TL;DR My mom has never attended any of my life events and wants to be a part of my wedding even though I’m not engaged. AITAH for not wanting my mom at my wedding when it does happen?","NTA dude, she is already ruining a hypothetical wedding of her own creation. How much more of a red flag do you need?"
AITAH for judging my boyfriend for sharing his underwear?,"ok so we’re taking about how his dog keeps chewing up all this shoes, and i ask him- why don’t you close your door? he says “my brother keeps leaving it open” and i’m like well why is he even in there to begin with and he says “to get underwear”…… i immediately start teasing him because its kids gross in my opinion. Unless you’re financially not able to but his man is WELL off and he’s genuinely upset with me and calling me a privileged brat….am i the a hole?","NTA - Sharing underwear is fucking weird, full stop."
AITAH for cutting my sister out of my life,"Hello reddit, I'll apologize in advance as even I don't know where to start from and don't even know if this is the correct sub. I'll be happy to answer any question in the comments if something is not clear. This is my point of view and I am aware that I am currently talking through emotions and it can be biased, I'll try to be as objective as i can be.

So my sister is a drug addict. To give a little context on the type of the person she is: She's the stereotopycal person you see on  IG, wonderful life, traveling the world, posting perfect pictures of her ""perfect"" life. She's been like this for as long as i remember. She's never seriously worked for more than a couple of months a job, admittedly she's very beautiful and lived off other rich dudes money most of her life but behind the scenes she's not who she shows she is. She never cleans after herself, very prone to anger if something doesn't go her way,  always looking for a way to scam the system or the next person if that benefits her. She thinks a job is beneath her, only looking for ways to gain easy money. She recently (maybe not so recently) told me that he wants to find a husband because it's time to settle down but she would never marry someone who earns less than x amount/less than her (she's not earning any money officially as she hasn't worked a job for years now, living off money she leeched from other people until now).

So here with the story. There will be few jumps in the timeline so bear with me.

Couple years ago my dad found my sister high, nearly overdosing, we called an ambulance, she's been recovered and against doctors advice she left the hospital. We then decided to consult with our family doctor to get some advice on specialists or the course of actions we should take. The doctor straight away told us that she cannot be forcefully recovered, if she wanted to leave the premises of the recovery center, they'll have to release her (we're situated in EU, multiple doctors told us so). So we tried to convince her to see a specialist. She did, little did we know she told lies to the psychiatrist to obtain prescriptions to get high and once obtained the prescriptions for psychotropic drugs (the only 1 i can remember is xanax but im sure there are more) she stopped the visits. In the next year she hopped from nation to nation because ""I'm bored here, if im bored ill do drugs"". In the meantime me and my dad found another specialist, closer to home and specialized in drug addiction, we talked to him privately before recommending him to my sister, he looked competent and a nice person. In between nation skipping she visited home multiple times and every time it got worse. For example once she took so many meds and/or drugs that she had to be recovered and the doctor told us that she may need a liver transplant, in the end she didn't. Once again against doctor advice she left the hospital. First thing she did once home, was to get high.

At this point i gave her an ultimatum, go see the specialist or don't talk to me ever again. She went twice and told me ""Therapy is not for me, they don't understand me"". And once again the cycle repeats, she leaves, skips from place to place. Goes to the hospital again and i convince her to do some visits with me, so i can offer moral support if needed. She accepts. We do few sessions and then she leaves again for another place. The sessions stop. throughtout the sessions i was present, she never told the whole truth, only half, the one part who benefited her. She managed again to gain some prescriptions from the doctors but this time they are not what she wanted and begged the doctor to give her something more ""powerful"" as she can's sleep. To answer some question quickly before they're made, the doctor saw through the lies hence i didn't say anything in regard.

She's also been stopped at the airport abroad and went to prison because she was carrying drugs. She said it was just a small amount of weed for personal use but i very much doubt it. We were in a sense relieved, me and my parents, this would give her a chance to stop the drug abuse. It didn't. I suspect she had ways to get those inside too. She was released for good behaviour, went to a friend (still abroad at this point) who was willing to host her knowing what she went through. The first thing she did once out was again, get high. This said friend found her in a terrible state at his home and called me, told me that she loved her and wished that he could help her but he cannot have her at his house in this state, understandably so. This is a friend who helped her throughout all the time she was in prison. Visiting her and providing financial and legal help.

Throughout the whole ordeal, every time i visited my parents, this is where she stays when she's here, she was almost never sober. Lied through the teeth about it. But i know my sister, i knew her before she was an addict, i know her now that she is, when she's lucid she's still herself altough not as a brilliant person as she was before but you can see her true self. So i think i can tell if she's high.

Now all of this has put a extreme strain on my family relantioships, my parents whenever she's here can't get a night of sleep, my dad health is deteriorating fast. I find myself very reluctant to visit my parent because she's there.

The thing that made it all even worse: my dad on her last visit found her packaging small bags of drugs, clearly with the intention of reselling. Huge fight ensues, she tells my dad that he is ""close minded"" because he threw away the drugs and now she has lost a lot of money. This is not the first that she's been found with a huge amount of drugs. There was an instance where she got back from the frequent visits at the hospital  where my dad found her in the bathroom with a bag that was probably around 0.2-0.5kg with a little cut on corner up her nose. But maybe because i was naive or because i didn't want to believe it, i decided to think that it was for her personal use. I now know that it wasn't.

This is when i decided to cut her off.

She recently returned from a trip abroad again and says she's been clean for 30 days now. I can't bring myself to believe her. She's said this before and said that she quit before but it turned out to never be true. I believed her, i believed IN her and i felt let down every time. I gave her an ultimatum, if she wants to have a chance to restore any type of relationship with me she has to accept to go to a community and follow the whole therapy.

I now left her on read and feel the most awful person but i can't keep going like this. I just can't. So AITAH?

Additional notes: I didn't write about what me and my family tried as it doesnt really matter. We tried everything, from what the doctors suggest to what we thought would have worked to threats. The only thing that my parents didn't do yet is kicking her from their home but i can see why they don't want to do that. She's lost most if not every friend she had.

How did we not notice before? She was clean when visiting home before, we only noticed when addiction got so bad that she couldn't keep herself clean for the few days she was visiting.

Sorry for the long post.

Edit: i noticed i didn't say anything nice about my sister as i was focusing on the negative but she did help me and the family in a significant and meaningful way throughout our life, i won't go into details but she's actually a good person in her heart.",NTA she needs to be sober much longer than 30days to have any chance at recovery. I am a child of 2 addicts. That behavior does not change in 30days. She has abused and broken your trust. Do not feel bad for cutting her out. There is absolutely nothing you or anyone else can do to help her if she does not want to help herself.
AITAH because I called my brother in law out on facebook,"I (34f) want to know if AITAH

Ok so about 3 years ago my fil (65m) died. He called my husband (36m) and told him that if he didn't get a kidney transplant that the Dr's gave him a week to live. He told us that he was choosing to die alone and to not come. He had always said he didn't want to be a burden in death and was going to go out in the wilderness and die there. He said he was going to find peace and that because this was how he was choosing to die that there would be no body to bury and no funeral to attend.

We cried, we grieved, we said our goodbyes.

Anyways like a week later we were told that he was gone. We tried calling him every now and again, even just to hear his voice mail, but after sometime passed his number went to out of service. After his passing all his social medias were taken down.

It was so hard for us but we have grieved and try to move forward in life.

Well about a year later BIL (40m) started messaging my daughter (12f).  Saying her grandpa was still alive, sent pictures thay were old and over all was incredibly creepy given the context of FIL passing. BIL didn't try to message anyone but her, so I sent him a message to say as much but he never viewed it.

Anyways last night I was tagged in a post from BIL to say FIL was in the hospital for kidney failure. He had a week to live and within the same time as the last time he has passed away...again.

I'm so shocked. I don't know what to say. I don't respond to the post right away. I feel like im living my worst nightmare deja vu.

I think the original post had been up less than 24 hours and after seeing what he was referencing me in his post and I was tagged in it I decided to respond.

I said I was sorry to hear that he had passed  and that he was grieving but I had already grieved him. I had already thought he had passed. If this truly wasn't a prank post then why hadn't we heard from him, why hadn't he visited or send a card? Why did he choose to let his grandkids believe he was dead if was alive?

Anyways he has blocked me. But AITAH for commenting on his post calling him out when he is grieving?

Wasn't ",I certainly think you were right to ask for some clarification of all that.
AITAH for telling my mom about something that I was told about by my dad?,"I (22 F) and my dad was on the phone talking about how his girlfriends daughter wanted a new dog but she isn’t taking care of the one she has because my cousin let’s call her Maya posted about it and my dad said he didn’t know that Maya would have anything to do with the person or that side of her family.

Because let’s call them Mia and Fred have been talking crap about they Mamaw’s who has cancer who is my aunt well idk what they have been saying and I’m guess Maya doesn’t know either so ofc when I got off the phone with my dad I called my mom she’s at work.

So I asked her what time she gets off and then I said I don’t know if I should tell you now if it’s gonna make you mad or tell you after work cause I don’t know if it’s gonna make you mad or not and she goes. what is it? I said it’s about your sister I said aunt and her name but I’m not putting more names.

She told me if it’s about my sister. I need to know so tell me so I told that apparently Mia and Fred are talking crap about aunt name and that thy dint think Maya would be talking to them and my mom asked who told me and I told her not to tell dad that I told her just say she overheard it because idk what they said about my aunt but my dad said they was talking crap.

Also Mia is 13-14 and Fred is 14-15 so they are not just hearing it around the house they are talking about it to other people but anyways I feel like my mom needed to know that they are doing this.

So I told her because I’m not gonna keep that away from her, knowing that my Aunt is dying of cancer and they are talking crap about her.

So AITA for telling my mom I tried to tell her to wait til after work and got told no tell her now so I did what I was told and she is supposed to call my dad and ask about it? So AITA for telling her about it or do I do the right thing by calling my mom and telling her?","Well, I'm pretty sure this one isn't AI, folks."
AITAH for telling my best friend that I'm sick of hearing about her boyfriend?,"Throw away account but long time reader. My (35F) best friend Sarah (36F) has developed a new relationship with her boyfriend Adam (40M). 

They're both divorcees and have children of their own. I've known Sarah since college and we've stuck like glue, her youngest son (5) and mine (6) are best friends. We've never really had a falling out in all the years we've been friends.

Sarah and Adam met less than a month ago and they've been inseparable since. He's always staying over, he's met her kids. It's very much in the puppy love stages and I'm honestly so happy for her that she's found someone who makes her happy. 

However, I'm concerned it's moving too fast. Sarah had been married to her ex-husband for nearly 16 years and he was a total dick. So I can't blame her entirely for falling head over heels for a guy that worships the ground she walks on. 

Sarah and I have booked a vacation together to celebrate her divorce finalisation, no kids, just a weekend away together to a comic con  that's she's always wanted to go to but could never afford it but we decided to scrape enough money to get the tickets, travel and accommodation. 

Here's where the issue comes in. Adam starts worrying that we'll ""get into trouble"" and suggests coming along. Sarah thinks this is a wonderful idea and asks me to adjust the booking. It's a one bedroom B&B with two single beds and I've already put the deposit down on the place. 

Sarah is very open about her sex life, we always have been with eachother, putting it down to typical girl talk. Sarah, Adam, myself and a mutual friend all attend a gaming group, which we made a groupchat for the four of us to plan game dates. Now it's constantly just them two dirty talking, and I don't mean like a slide little dirty joke that everyone does, I mean the whole ""this is what we're gonna do later"" and it's honestly so uncomfortable. 

Today, Sarah called me and asked if I could adjust the booking for Adam to come. I told her that I'm not really comfortable with Sam joining, as I don't really know him that well and if we plan something in the future then he's more than welcome to come along. 

Sarah seemed pretty offended by this and asked why I didn't like him. This isn't the case, I don't dislike Adam, I just don't really want to be an awkward third wheel on a holiday that was just going to be a girls trip. We ended up arguing and I ended up telling her that I'm sick of hearing about her boyfriend, every topic rewinds back to him in some way. I feel bad, I know I should have came from a calmed and approached angle but I didn't want to upset her because she's happy.

She's done from ""I hate men"" to ""he's my universe"" in the span of a few weeks and it's honestly concerning. I'm happy that she's happy, I'm just cautious as I feel this is going too fast for someone she's known for a month. 

So, AITA??
 ","NTA

Anyone who invites a third on a trip that is supposed to be just two is always the AH. 

Honestly, I would have said something a lot sooner about the dirty talk in the GC, no one wants to hear that shit."
AITAH for taking back an invitation for my brother and his girlfriend to stay with us because he told me his girlfriend has a criminal record?,"My wife and I invited my brother, who I haven't seen in a while, and his girlfriend, who we haven't met yet, to stay with us for a week. During this week we would be able to catch up with him and get to know the girlfriend. All of us were excited and looking forward to it. Last week he called me and told me that he knew it was a stupid question but he just needed to ""confirm"" that it didn't bother us that his girlfriend had a criminal record.

This was the first I heard about any criminal record. My first question was why he didn't tell me before. He said he knew it didn't matter and I wouldn't care, but his girlfriend wanted him to ""make sure."" I asked what she did, and he told me that was personal. I said I was annoyed he waited so long to tell me and would like to know what she did.

He refused to answer and said it wasn't anything violent or anything I had reason to be concerned about. I asked if she stole something. He said no. I then asked him to clarify. So was this just a ticket? Did she go to prison? What's the severity range?

He told me none of that was any of my business, so I needed to stop asking. I said that I don't feel comfortable with her staying here anymore. If I had already met her, or if he was willing to give me more information, it would be different. With the current information, I'm not comfortable.

My brother was pissed and said he didn't even have to tell me, he only did because his girlfriend suggested it out of respect. I said she's right, if he hadn't told me that would have been disrespectful and duplicitous. He said that since she's right, I should let her stay. I said I would talk to my wife and get back to him.

My wife said NO WAY. She said we would minimum need to know the crime and have already met her before she would be comfortable with her staying in our home. I called my brother back the next day and told him. He said the case was a minor one, and she was charged for withholding evidence. My wife asked to know the details when I told her this, so she could look up the case. She wanted the county and girlfriend's last name.

When I called my brother Friday to ask for this info he was pissed. I said my wife just wanted to check to make sure what he said was true, and she wanted to know what she was withholding evidence of. He said we were being nosy and pretentious and looking down on his girlfriend for something outside of her control. He called us bigots.

I suggested that they just get a hotel, and we could host them for dinners but not overnight. He said no, that they would cancel their flights. I feel bad, and so does my wife. She tried to call my brother yesterday to smoothe things over, and he didn't answer. I'm stuck on what to do. I think only an apology and offer to stay would mollify him, but my wife is not comfortable with this unless she knows what sort of case his girlfriend was involved in. Are we being assholes?","NTA. What's surprising is your brother's girlfriend appears to care more about your comfort level having her in your home than your brother does. She's the one who pushed him to tell you she had a record.

However, his reasons for refusing to say *what* she was convicted of are unclear. Is the GF reluctant to say, or your brother? Both? Not coming clean just fuels speculation. 

Your home, your call, either way."
Aitah for not speaking to my dad or his partner anymore despite my siblings,"I apologize for the length of this and I’m gonna do my best to be as clear and short as possible but some details are definitely important. I (21F) refuse to talk to my stepdad. So I guess let’s start back when it really started. In August of last year my parents split after 16 years of marriage. He swears he never cheated but he is with a new girlfriend ( who was in a committed relationship with mine and my parents good friend for two years and she cheated with my dad) this is only slightly relevant to the situation at hand. After the fact mine and his relationship was pretty rocky as I didn’t agree with the choices he made. I made the effort to reach out to him and tried to repair what we had. In my mind it was going okay. I still was upset about what happened but he’s been my dad since I was four and I didn’t want to lose that.cut to a week before Xmas. I don’t want to go into all the details but one night around 11pm I had to call him so we could go help out a family member he was the only option to help at the time and so he picked me up. All downhill from there, he was plastered. He was falling asleep swerving etc.,etc. I begged him to let me drive and he screamed at me to “get my sh** together”,that I was “the worst person to have in this situation”, offered to drop me off on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, and told me when we finished helping said person that he was done with me. Not to mention that his solution to the issue at hand was picking up more people (including minors) and taking them back in the car with him. We thankfully made it to our destination resolved the situation we came to resolve and I refused to ride back home with him. At Christmas the next week I spoke exactly two words to him and that was it. I have not and do not plan to speak with him again, but although my siblings have been told what he put me through they still spend time with him and talk to him. Am I the ah for cutting him off and not giving him another chance? Or should I be done with him and ignore the protests from other people?","NTAH drunk driving with you in the car is a seriously dangerous situation. You need to prioritize your peace and safety, putting up boundaries and having low/no contact with him is perfectly reasonable, don’t let anyone tell you what to feel when it comes to your relationship with your dad and how you respond to his behavior. Your siblings all have their own relationship and experiences with your dad, they might not understand the gravity of his behavior, but that doesn’t mean you should behave differently."
AITAH for not “helping” him?,"My bf (35M) and i (38F) have been together almost 3 years. Our whole relationship he has had issues where he confirmed from the beginning he would be seeking professional help for. 

After a few months of dating, he would insist he needed time to do it bc of bigger issues he needed to handle at the time. 

About a year ago, i asked him for his insurance info to help him find a suitable therapist to start out with some of the issues he had addressed with me. After a few days of not calling or reaching out to the therapist i spent hours finding specific to his issues, i told him that he would have to do it on his own when he was ready. 

Since then, he has told me a handful of times that he needs to finally speak with someone but doesn’t make the effort to find anyone. I let him know this was a form of emotional manipulation and that to not inform me unless he calls and makes an appointment. 

Well, today he finally found a therapist of his choosing and sent me the number to call and make an appointment for him. When I told him I would not be doing that, he accused me of not helping him when he is being vulnerable. Is this more manipulation or am i just callous bc of the back/forth of what’s happened with my previous efforts? ",It’s manipulation. He’s a grown ass man and you are not his mother.
AITAH for inviting friends over without telling my roommate who has OCD ?,"Alright, dumb question tbf, of course I'm an asshole for not telling them sooner but here's what happened. I've been living with my friend and roommate for a few months now (we've known each others for a year). They have OCD, pretty wild OCD even. Having someone over at our apartment means they gotta touch nothing, sit on dedicated spot, etc. They are pretty good to be living around and I'm now used to this kind of stuff, not touching anything in their room, not picking up their laundry, not touching their food. It's alright, I'm all used to that and have no problem with respecting their boundaries.

Except, I failed recently. During lunch time at our university, two of my friends decided to accompany me while I ran some errands, because they needed to pick up something to eat. After doing said errands, I had to go back to my apartment so I could leave them here before going back to the university. Since my apartment is between the mall and the school, my friends were still accompanying me. It was pretty cold outside and I had to get food on my own so I decided to invite them over my apartment to eat. They didn't do anything crazy, just sat at the dining table, ate, left, that's it. But I know how bad this simple thing can be for people with OCD. I wasn't planning on hiding it to my roommate because I'm an honest guy. I knew they would take it very bad but I just didn't want to hide this. So I told them, and, of course, as I predicted, they were mad. They even criticised my friends and told me that I was crazy for inviting people over without even knowing if they were ""safe"". I knew I should have asked them for their consent to have my two friends eat at our house. I know this is bad, but at that moment, all I was thinking was that I was going to be rude by leaving my two friends to eat outside. I was just trying to be nice, but ended up sacrificing another precious friendship in the meantime :( now my roommate won't stop crying and thinks everything in the apartment is dirty. They were very, very mad. I apologised but they don't want to talk to me I think. Am I an asshole ? ","This person should not be living with others. They also need serious help. And you are doing a disservice to yourself by making excuses for them.

ESH"
AITAH for not giving my mom my bank account credentials?,"I'm 19M and I've opened a bank account recently. Now, my mom's been very controlling for a long time and wants me to share every personal information with her. I am against this idea. There should always be a boundary and I just don't wanna tell her everything happening in my life.

Now today, I had to set my debit card pin and my mom came and stood beside me suddenly, and I asked ""What's up?"" and she goes like show me your details. I just asked her why she needed to know that. She said if you're not at home and if I need the money then I can take that. First of all, that account barely has any money and why tf would I leave my card with you at the first place. It's not like I won't give you any money. I'm your son and I'll definitely help you in need. She shares every details of my life with my cousin and neighbours which I hate. Yes, neighbours are good but that doesn't mean you'll share everything with them. Now I explained all this and she goes like ""Who raised you like ts and you've a sick mentality for not giving me your credentials"". Like seriously? 

AITAH?

(sorry bad english)","She is wrong and bad. Keep your account info private. If you have to you could open an account in a different bank/different name and location and do not tell her anything. Clearly you cannot trust her. Do not give her your new info. She is obviously intending to take your money for herself - selfishly, but also with NO RESPECT for you. 
Sorry she is like this but you know it. Protect yourself. Please. Take care and know you DO NOT OWE HER EVERYTHING no matter what she says. Her behavior is destructive to you. You cannot trust her, but must maintain firm boundaries. She doesn’t sound like a fair person or someone you can trust. That does not make you a bad person. Don’t let her scare you or make you doubt yourself. Be calm and be string. Have courage."
AITAH for not saying hi,"Ok so first a little back story. My bf has a little girl who has recently started getting her hair braided. I love this little girl like my own. Her and her hair braider get along very well she comes over to our house and they play when they are done, she loves kids and I think that's great. Last time for some reason my bf ended up going to someone else to have her hair braided so the braider hadn't seen his little girl for a little while. Here is where things get interesting. 2 days ago I go upstairs and she is sitting in my living room and I am completely thrown as nobody told me she was here or that she was coming at all. Feeling a little weird about this I do what I need and go back downstairs to ask my bf what he didnt tell me she was coming its weird cuz little girl's hair is already done. He says "" oh she just missed her and wanted to come hang out with her for a while, she said she wanted to come see her step daughter"". At this point im like whoa okay and sort of let it go. I do what I need to do to get ready for work and she leaves saying goodbye to the kids and never saying a word to me. I think it is important to note that I have always been nice to her offered her food and drinks while she is over and tried to make conversation but I really only ever got 1 or 2 word answers. I figured she was shy or something and left it alone. Then recently I saw her at work and say hello sort of in passing and she looks at me looks away and keeps walking. Of course I ask my bf why she would be acting weird to me and he offers an excuse of well maybe she is having a bad day. So I let that go too. Then, I get a call yesterday from my boyfriend asking why I never said a word to her yesterday when I saw her upstairs. He is really mad at me said I embarrassed him and is acting like this is the end of the world. Like yes I guess I could have said hi but she really could have too I mean after all she was in my house. AITA???","NTA - I find it a bit weird he refers to the hair braider as ""her stepmom"". That's.... Not funny? Like, this whole situation smells like the ocean because it's so damn fishy."
Aitah for not trying in my relationship (according to my partner),"This one is going to be a bit long.
I 21f and my boyfriend 20m have been together for 3 years. Our relationship started off pretty good until I moved in with him and his family. His dad was and still is one of the most narcissistic and stubborn people that I met. He would always pick on me and my boyfriend would have to stand up for me because I felt it If I stood up for myself it would be disrespectful, it is his dad's house I wasn't trying to be in the way of anyone. 
I kept to myself not trying to start any drama but my boyfriends dad would always find something that would start some shit and cause his daughter my boyfriends sister to literally be involved when it wasn't her business. She would attempt to fight me twice but failed to do so all because of some arguments between my boyfriend and his dad and it would be about me. Btw I had a job and I couldn't go back to Living at my parents because my stepdad is a pedo and my family sides with him so I try not to start any drama over there either. Me and my boyfriend ended up getting kicked out about a year ago (while I still had my job) all because his dad didn't like that I was sleeping in on a day off and it caused my boyfriend to argue with him and they started to get physical. My boyfriends sister comes home and my boyfriend takes what I think was a water bottle out of her hand and throws it at his dad telling him he favors his daughter more and she doesn't give two shits about him.
 After he took the bottle out of her hand ( I was still minding my own business not trying to get involved evven though it was about me ) his sister comes over to our room door and grabs my hair. I kicked her ass and we ended up getting kicked out causing me to lose my job because I went to my step sisters moms house temporarily and it was far away. They had work early in the morning while I had to work in the afternoon so no one could take me to work I had to tell my boss I couldn't come in and he got mad about the whole situation and fried me. I ended up getting another job with my boyfriends cousin and we stayed with her for a little until she was making me work on days off and getting mad at me for not wanting to work with certain people then eventually kicked us out and i had to stay with my uncle and boyfriend stayed went back to his dad's for a few months until we got our own apartment/studio.
 Now it has been 7 months since we have been living here and our relationship I feel is going down hill. I don't want to leave him because I do still love him deeply and we almost had our first child two years ago. Hes been telling me I haven't been trying enough to get another job when I have so many applications I've applied around within walking distance and where denied but he chooses not to see that. He also tells me that cleaning his apartment isn't enough because he's struggling to keep this place for us and also have food for us and our cats and I understand but I feel like he's not understanding that I'm trying to help, I'm trying to get a job, and I'm trying to keep myself stable as well because of all the bullshit we had to go through in 2024-2025. 
I have therapy because of this and because he's been getting more mean and aggressive towards me like throwing things and threatening me. He tells me I should go back to my parents house when I can't go back over there because they fake want me back I'm not trying that. I tell him that he's a POS and is starting to act like his dad. I have also told him he should also get some therapy with me and he tells me that he doesn't care his mental health and that he doesn't need therapy when he clearly does need it I've tried to convince him multiple times to get therapy and he just won't do it for himself or for me. I've been at my lowest of low lately and I'm not sure if anything was my fault and everything replays in my head like some type of drama show I don't even know what to do anymore. I just need some clarification for myself.
So Aita.","Oh no, honey…run, just run.

You’re only in your 20s and he already been physical and aggressive with you? People can change, don’t get me wrong, but they need to WANT to change and he’s very direct about not seeing anything wrong with his behaviour. This can’t end well. *Maybe* someday he will wake up and become a better man, but you shouldn’t count on that. Believe him when he shows you who he is. Don’t waste your precious 20s on a guy like that. You deserve to be in a stable and loving relationship, not this.

NTA. But be smart and run."
AITAH for „forcing“ my friend to break up with her bf?,"Long story short: My friend(18) had a pregnancy scare and her boyfriend acted completely out of line so I(17) spoke up and she decided to break up with him and he and his friends along with some of me and my friends‘ mutuals are calling me jealous and lonely and whatnot. 

For the sake of this story I’ll call my friend Tia and her bf Sheli 

I have nobody to tell my side of the story to because I’m not about to air my friends‘ business to people who she didn’t share it to herself for her own reasons and I really just want to know wether I overreacted and made my friend break up with an actually good person.

Sheli is actually a REALLY nice guy, which is what made his recent behaviour seriously freak me out. I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know the guy well, I’ve talked with him like thrice only because my friend wanted me to meet him and because she hosted events where we both attended. Before this all happened I didn’t really have an opinion of him but from what Tia used to tell me he came over every day, bought her gifts, took her out to dates in cafes and restaurants, listened to her when she needed somebody to talk to and was overall very polite and gentle with her and listened to her concerns. 

Now about his behaviour, basically:They were fooling around with no protection, and the next day Sheli texted her how he might have gotten her pregnant. This freaked her the FUCK out, for good reason and she immediately called me to talk about what happened and how her life was over and just a LOT of scared ranting. I calmed her down and after gathering the facts I told her shes just fine and not pregnant and to brush him off(I don’t wanna share the details but long story short, she was wearing pants the whole time and was in a follicular phase) but apparently he was ADAMANT she takes a pregnancy test or else he’d break up with her and in that same conversation told her that her paranoia was turning him off. My friend told me he apparently came over the same day(he has a spare key to her apartment) late in the night and forced her to take a pregnancy test in front of him and it came out negative but apparently this wasn’t enough for him and he told her it „might be a false negative“ which freaked her out even more. This guy kept stressing her out and I had to deal with the fallback of her stress rants because she was scared to talk with him about her concerns since he said it was turning him off. Anyway he proceeded to completely ghost her for an ENTIRE DAY afterwards and on the 5(?)th day he came over with morning after pills and peer pressured her into taking them. Not only was Tia COMPLETELY against taking any kind of pills, but she was also convinced at this point she was pregnant because he kept convincing her she was. 

I told her to break up with him IMMEDIATELY  and refused to even let her mention ANYTHING good he’s done cause now we’re talking about the present, not the past(so I may have made him sound a lot worse than he is) and after talking with her a few times she decided I was right and broke up with him. I was there when she invited him over(in case he decided to do something stupid, her parents are barely home) and now he’s convinced I was the one who told her to break up with him for no reason since he obviously wasn’t aware she told me about everything that was happening and chewed me out while he was leaving and has spread the idea that I’m a lonely and jealous bitch trying to ruin my friends life because I’m too ugly to get laid. Obviously my friend didn’t and won’t talk about why I convinced her to break up with him to others so they’re believing him.

It’s been a month now and she has her period, so no pregnancy. Maybe he was acting out of stress and not as normal and that’s why he came off so aggressive and instead of letting my friend choose how to deal with his behavior herself I chose for her?? I don’t think I’m in the wrong but then again maybe I was thinking what I would do not what’s good for my friend. 

So AITAH for „forcing“ my friend to break up with her bf?","NTA. His behavior was coercive and abusive. Forcing someone to take unnecessary Plan B five days later? That's not stress, that's control. You didn't force anything, you gave your friend the reality check she needed."
Am I wrong???? AITAH,"Soooo I’m married. My husband has a daughter that just turned 14 years old today. He talks to her and does for her. Her mom is SORRY AF and dates a stud who is even sorrier. I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t for us, she wouldn’t have had a Christmas. I’m not even going to make a big deal about how he goes out of his way to make sure she has What she wants, and doesn’t do the same for my daughter (which isn’t his) because I’m going to see to it that she has whatever she asks for. Anyway, so today I ask him is he gonna make it home because he’s a trucker. He says yea. So I ask him what he wants to eat today so I can know what to cook. At the last minute he says he’s going to take his daughter out to eat. Ok fine. No issue. Although I’m sure you knew this when you left for work this morning and didn’t mention anything of the sort. I do Shipt for work right now because I’m In School. So my hours vary. Whenever it’s busy, or decent orders available I work. So I’m debating if I’m going to work or not. He says, she wants me to come. I say, she told you that? He says “no, but she said she wanted a family dinner.” I say “what do you mean? Surely not with her mother and her girlfriend and their kids and all that. Because if she’s going, I’m not. I’ll just go to work. Turns out, that’s exactly what was meant. I told him I didn’t think that was ok. We are not one big family. This is someone who he was once intimate with. It’s her duty to celebrate with her daughter on her own time and vice versa when it comes to him. I just think that’s so ghetto and inappropriate. This isn’t a baby. This is a young lady. A 14 year old. So am I wrong to have this disposition. Please, give me some insight and answer this because it has me seething. I don’t even talk to my daughter’s father and she’ll be 14 in two months and I’m thinking about having a “family dinner” just like he did. Because wtf?!?! ",Yes you are in the wrong. YTA.
AITAH for thinking about letting someone new into my life while being a single mom?,"A few weeks ago, someone new came into my life. I want to be clear that I haven’t crossed any boundaries or started a relationship, but this is the first person who has really listened to me and understood me without judging. He respects my child, accepts my past, and never makes me feel less than for being a mom. His words are kind, and his actions are thoughtful and caring. This makes me happy, but also scared, because for the first time in years, I feel safe, valued, and truly seen. My heart feels torn: on one side, I’m a woman who deserves love, respect, and emotional care; on the other side, I’m a mom who wants the best, safest, and most stable life for my child. Now I wonder: should I let someone new into my life who understands me, or should I stay a single mom for my child’s sake? I don’t want to replace anyone. I just want to understand if I am allowed to feel love again, or if my life should only be about being a mom. So AITA for thinking about giving someone new a place in my life while being a single mom?","9 days ago you posted about your husband. 

Now you’re dating a guy that came into your life a few weeks ago. Like, a few weeks ago you were posting about your struggles in your marriage with a new baby. 

To be fair, I don’t believe any of your posts. They are written so…strangely."
AITAH for ghosting my best friend after finding out what her parents said about my mom after my dad died?,"I (26F) have been friends with L (23F) for over 10 years.

To give some background we met abroad when I was asked to show her family around our school, since we spoke the same language and they didn’t know English at the time. There’s obviously an age gap here, but even though we weren’t in the same grade our families got close (as expat families often do). Our parents became friends, throw a wider network of families both inside and outside the school and a small community was formed.  Even after we moved to different countries, they stayed in touch and met up every summer back home.

L and I became truly close in college. We studied on different continents, so WhatsApp catchups were our thing. Over time we became best friends. We went through breakups, new relationships, moves, and major life changes together. When my father passed away, she called me every day for a month just to check in. I love her deeply for it.

After my father’s death, my family went through an extremely dark and traumatic period. Not only because of the grief, but because there was serious behind the scenes issues that caused a lot of damage. Trust was lost, bridges were burned, and we sacrificed two years trying to keep things from falling apart.

During all of this, L supported me constantly from wherever she was. My mom also kept L’s mom updated because they were close too.

Here’s where things got messy.

When things started to calm down, a mutual family friend (“R”), who is like a sister to both our mothers, on one of her visits pulled my mom aside and told her she needed to stop sharing details with L’s mom. R said that one night, L’s parents got drunk at her house and started saying disturbing things about my family.

According to R, L’s father (her mother agreed) said my mom was making things up, playing the victim, was exploitative, money hungry, etc. They criticized my parents’ relationship, and even said they “expected the boat to sink” that being our family and finances after my dad died. They implied my mom wasn’t capable, didn’t “deserve” what she has, because she didn’t have a science degree like them and basically spoke about her with contempt.

I know it can sound unbelievable, but R had first hand knowledge of what my family went through she knew it was real. She had helped us through a big part of it. We have no reason not to trust her, and telling my mom came with risk, since it could’ve caused conflict in the friend group.

There had also been a few signs that something was off with L’s mom even before all of this. For example L is in a relationship that both I and my mom already knew about because I obviously mentioned it to my mom. She loves L too. Yet her mother never brought it up to my mom. Instead she shared it with other people including R.

At the same time she would ask my mom very personal questions about my relationship. Details about my boyfriend, he’s career, he’s family and even our activities while fully pretending like L has nothing going on. In front of R too.

More generally, she often seemed judgmental or overly curious about my life. What I’m doing, how I’m acting, why I’m not working, etc. while rarely sharing anything about herself or her kids.

I also know she strongly dislikes L’s boyfriend something confirmed by both R and comments L has made in passing though I don’t think L fully realizes how intense her mom’s feelings about him are.

We’ve also tried to save her from her mom’s spirals in the past. General family shit but her mom can be a bit controlling at times.

When I found out, I completely shut down.

I haven’t confronted L, but I went no contact and basically ghosted her. Not because I don’t love her but because I felt so betrayed I couldn’t function normally. My mind spiraled. I started re thinking everything what if she told her parents private things I shared? What if she contributed to their judgement? What if she thought the same things as them? How could I trust her now?

I’m aware this is an avoidant pattern I have when I feel threatened. It’s cold and unfair and hurtful and I’m working on it in therapy. But when I hit a certain point, I just shut down instead of dealing with confrontation. I’ve lost friendships this way before.

I know it’s wrong, but I’ve yet cracked how to fix it.

L has tried to reach out. She’s clearly hurt. I ignored her. Her mom also asks about me sometimes, and my mom has said I’m still healing and need time.

L’s mom still asks very personal questions about my boyfriend and I, without sharing anything about L which makes both my mother and I uncomfortable.

The truth is I miss my friend and want to rebuild, but I don’t know if it’s possible after hearing what her parents said. I also don’t feel like I can tell her the real reason, because it would expose R and betray her trust.

So AITA for ghosting her? And how do I fix this if I even can?



EDIT:

Thank you for the feedback and for being kind even with the hard to hear parts. I wanted to clarify a few things based on the comments:

Why are R and my mom still in contact with L’s mom? R lives abroad and when she visits she makes the rounds with everyone, so suddenly cutting contact would raise alarms and could lead to confrontation. My mom has mostly pulled away. Contact is limited to occasional group messages (birthdays/holidays/memes) in a group chat or brief meetups when R is in town.

Did R stick up for us? Yes. She told us she pushed back during those conversations. The drunk one was the worst, but L’s father is extremely stubborn and she eventually disengaged to avoid a bigger blowup.

Do I know if L shared private things about me with her parents? I don’t know exactly how much she shared, but I assume some things were, since we’re both close with our moms. I’ve also noticed moments where L’s mom seemed to know more than my mom had told her.

But I shared things too with my mom? Yes I’ve also spoken to my mom about L at times. I usually ask L for permission before sharing anything big, but I’m aware I’m not completely innocent here

Does L know her parents said these things?

I genuinely don’t know if she knows and to be clear, I’m not blaming L for what her parents said. My hurt and anger is directed at her parents, not her that’s clear to me now. It’s possible she’s heard some of these opinions at home, but I have no proof and many of you are right that without proof I can’t assume that.

Why haven’t I told L directly? I’m not supposed to know about the drunk conversation. R told my mom in confidence and I don’t want to breach that trust or put words in anyone’s mouth. I also don’t want to create more damage by dragging her parents into it directly, since that could permanently complicate things for her.

Why did I ghost? After everything my family has been through including other betrayals involving family at the first sit of betrayal I shut down and defaulted to an avoidant response. That’s not an excuse I understand ghosting was unfair and I should’ve communicated.

L was one of the few people I didn’t have to filter myself with. I want things to go back to how they were, but right now my brain is struggling to separate her from what I learned about her parents.

I miss my friend and I’m planning to reach out soon to apologize for disappearing and explain that I pulled back because I was overwhelmed and hurt, without dragging her parents into it.

Thanks you for the ideas on how to reach out and what to say!

As someone said it could be the first step to healing my pattern and I’m choosing to see it that way.","You said it yourself. It’s not fair to your friend. 

Her mom might be a terrible person (which has likely been awful for L her whole life), but L has never once given you a reason to doubt her.

Your worries are understandable, but unfounded. Until you know L has participated in the gossip/slander/judgement, you are the AH for treating her this way. 

You need to issue a huge apology. You need to share your feelings (not as excuses), acknowledge that what you did what wrong, and ask her forgiveness for hurting her. 

Find a way to set boundaries. Say your family heard something hurtful about them, and that you can trace it, but have decided to protect your privacy more with everyone."
AITAH for not wanting to have the heat turned up for my roomate's health?,"I'm in school right now, and have 5 roomates, we've been living together since September. Around November, fights started happening around the thermostat. We would find the heat at 75 or 80 degrees when it wasn't even below 0 outside (for context, we live in Canada. Yes, winters can be pretty extreme, but I'm used to living in 70 or 65 degree weather while indoors.

My one roomate, I'll call her Rose, kept turning the heat up, and we kept having to talk to her about putting it down. During all this, my other roomate, Gina, never said anything.

Now, most of us left for winter break, and when we came back earlier this month, the heat was PAST 80. It was barely below 0 outside. Our first few nights back were sweltering and I couldn't fall asleep, legitimately I was staying up hours past when I tried to go to bed, with my window wide open, wearing a tank top and shorts, no blankets, SWEATING.

A few days ago I texted the gc saying it was way too hot, I couldn't sleep, and if we could keep the heat at 70 I'd appreciate it.

A few hours ago, Gina came up to me and asked if we could put the heat at 75. She said she's had super serious health problems because of how cold it's been in the house (70 degrees), having phlegm in her throat, and has to take medication because of it.

I really don't see how having the heat at 70 is causing her to die, but having it at 75 suddenly solves everything. If it was up to me, I'd put it at 60 or 65 every day, so 70 was us compromising.

I understand she's cold, but she can put a sweater and blankets on--when you're hot, after wearing basically nothing and opening your window, there's nothing more you can do. But am I a b-word for wanting to turn the heat back down when its apparently causing so many health problems for her??

TLDR: roomate says having the temp at 70 is giving her major health problems and insists on turning it up--I'm way too hot every night and can't sleep.","NTA

But sounds like you need to find new roommates before next winter. 

I cannot stand the house being above 68 during the day (and that’s even pushing it for me) and it’s down at 60 at night just so I can sleep. I get major health issues having it too warm.

Edited to remove a random word that didn’t belong"
AITAH for telling my family about my mom using Ozempic,"Hey there! 

This happened at Christmas and I just can’t seem to let it go so I thought some judgement on the internet might help make up my mind lol

So a little backstory:

I (f, mid 20’s) have always been kind of chubby, did all kinds of dumb diets as a teen but could never seem to keep the weight off for long. The same goes for my mother (f, late 50‘s), but she‘s the kind of mom who would always criticize my looks, my skin problems and weight especially - I think (sadly) a lot of people here know the kind. 

I was never morbidly obese or anything, could always move most ways other people do and keep up with my friends on hikes and stuff and my labs always showed I was healthy (though I don’t want to downplay the effects of obesity, just for context) while my mom was a bit bigger than me and obviously as a woman who‘s almost 60 not as mobile. 

Last year I randomly got facial paralysis and had to take cortisol for treatment: since I didn’t want to gain to much weight I started to really get into meal prepping, sugar alternatives and all that fitness stuff from Instagram. Since I didn’t really have anything to do (my eye hurt all the time from not being able to blink and I was on sick leave) I also started working out a bunch. While it’s been harder to keep up with all those habits I did really change my lifestyle even after the paralysis went away. Sadly though, I didn’t lose any weight, which I brought up to my new OBGYN (I moved towns a couple of months before) and she tested me for pcos and insulin sensitivity, which I got. She prescribed me metformin which helps with the insulin resistance and I also adjusted my workout plan accordingly. It’s been tough and slow at times but I lost \~15kg that year. 

Now, when I went to my GP for the metformin (which she also takes) I took my mom with me and i brought up that she probably also has/had pcos cause she also struggled with missing periods, getting pregnant and her weight, which is when he brought up ozempic as a treatment for her (she is diabetic now, so insurance covers it for her in our country). I told her to talk to my brother about it, cause he‘s also a doctor but that it probably would be great for her mobility, as she became a grandmother not too long ago (my niece). 

We never talked about it again until my dad let it slip in conversation that she’d been on ozempic for a couple of months, but immediately said that she doesn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t really think too much about it then, it’s her right to be private about her medical records and stuff but I did find it weird that he said my brother didn’t know. 

Now fastforward to Christmas, when we (mom, dad, grandparents and my dads sister) were all visiting my brother (who lives a couple of hours away) and him and his wife commented on how great I looked. My brother‘s a super sporty guy so we connect a lot about that in our calls but we hadn’t seen each other in a while so it must’ve been a surprise for them. My mom immediately cut in and told them that it probably wasn’t that much and how she lost that much in like half a year already and how she‘ll probably have lost more than me in 6 months. Weird, but not surprising, she likes being the center of attention. 

At dinner she did the typical older-lady thing of only eating a little and saying she‘s so full and blah but then started commenting on me getting a second helping (I‘m still counting calories and did stay in my deficit) and how I don’t want to gain all the weight back. And then at desert (which she refused) she said that me eating sugary stuff like this is probably the reason I‘m losing weight so slowly while she‘s dropping pounds so fast and I just snapped and told her „Well, it’s kind of hard when you don’t inject yourself with a liquid eating disorder.“ 

I felt terrible the moment I said it, because the way I phrased it was super mean. I think Ozempic is a valid way to lose weight, \*especially\* for people like my mom who do not have time or energy to go to the gym and I HATE when people claim it’s a cheat code or whatever. But I feel like she made it a competition and was purposefully hiding how she was taking weight loss medication while downplaying all my achievements. 

She got super mad and said that she didn’t want to tell anyone and how I was a terrible person for this and how I even knew - which then started a fight with my dad - and then fell into some old patterns of accusing me of ruining Christmas on purpose. 

We‘ve had a lot of problems when I was still living with them which improved once she got meds for her neurosis and we didn’t have as much contact anymore, so this was the worst fight we had in a couple of years. 

I feel super shitty about spilling something she didn’t want anyone to know and throwing my dad under the bus (he mentioned it on accident) but then other times I feel like she deserved it. 

She‘s still mad and we haven’t spoken much since then. I think I’m being stubborn because I told her I would apologize for telling everyone at Christmas dinner if she apologized for commenting on my eating all evening, which she refuses. 

My dad was upset for exposing his mistake and my brother and his wife didn’t say much about it but I figure they’re annoyed with both of us for bringing bad vibes to Christmas. 

So, AITAH? Should I just apologize? ","Ok...I view this as you finally snapping. Her recent comments being the straw that finally broke the camel's back. Yes you *can* think it is valid and is also a cheat code...not all cheat codes are bad. There is no reason for me to punch a calculator multiple times when a simple Excel formula would do. 

If she does not want people to know perhaps she should lay off commenting on how other people look. Its great she is getting results and looking great. Does not give her the right to bring you down. I am going NTA here..."
AITAH for calling my husband a heartless monster,"Hi everyone I 34f have 4 kids and I had the fourth last year in early December 12. 
I was 40weeks when I went into what I thought was labour, when my husband 40m (Brandon) and I got to the hospital we were told it was a false alarm, this was on the 11th around 7am. Then this happened again and this time I waited it out then went again and it was another false alarm, this was around 2pm. The third time Brandon took me, they told me I was 3cm dilated and should go home then come back when contractions are 2mins apart, and this was at around 10pm. 

On the 12th at 2am I could feel more pain but Brandon was asleep. I decided not to rush to go to the hospital yet Incase it's still too early. I woke him up so he could help but he said it's probably another false alarm. I wasn't waking him up to take me to the hospital but just to put pressure on my back, I had reallyyyy bad back labour that would radiate to the front if you understand me. He told me to sleep it off and we will go to the hospital in the morning. By 8am I was doubled over in pain and could barely talk, Brandon was STILL in bed. He got up and had his breakfast at 9am, he told me maybe I'm still not that dilated and should wait it out. He called his mom and he says the last time I was checked was on the 11th at 10pm and I was 3cm so I should wait it out cause labour progresses slow at times. At 11am I called my sister to watch pur 3 kids then I forced him to take him to the hospital and guess what, I was 8cm dilated. At the hospital he was on his phone the whole time and even ordered food for himself. I had our beautiful baby girl at 1pm. 

After we settled and got cleaned up, I got to rest. I berated him and told him he was unfair and insensitive to my labour. He told me ""This isn't our first child you should know how things go."". I went IN on him and even went as far as calling him a heartless monster who slept or at least pretended to while his wife was in pain. His mom was busy telling him it's just postpartum hormones and he shouldn't react. I told him he could go try for a son elsewhere. Yes we have four daughters. I live with my elder brother now and will try to get into the workforce. He keeps calling and texting, his mom called me dramatic. His father called and was very nice up until he told me to stay for our kids, he said I should understand that men do not get this labour thing and my husband is sorry. 

I feel like he resents the facts that we have another daughter and I feel disrespected. Everyone keeps saying stay for the kids and that I have no job so who will take care of me. My brother said all I should focus on is my daughter and he will take care of the rest.

AITAH for insulting my husband, his mother says I took things too far. I told him it is over. I know I should have left a long time ago and I stupidly realize only now, I do regret that. Am I overreacting or is this the right thing?? ","You left your husband over this and want to get divorced. 

This is already beyond our paygrade, if this is even true."
AITAH for posting my availability on LinkedIn after being stalled for a promotion twice?,"I work at XYZ in Accounts Receivable. In August, I informed HR and my Director that I'll be earning my MS, and I'd like to pursue a raise or promotion, given that a co-worker of equal tenure and less educational background was given Senior in July/August.

I was informed to finish the MS, and to check back. I did so, and was told in November to remain patient, that no position was available at the time, and that changes were fluctuating within the Finance department broadly. I was not pleased with this conversation, and advertised on LinkedIn with the #OpenToWork post feature. I posted this again about 3 weeks later in mid-December.

In late December, a 13-year experienced coworker left the department, opening a Senior position. Unadvertised, Finance gave the position to a girl in Accounts Payable with no cross training experience, less tenure, and less educational qualifications.

Having met with HR today, I was told that while she'll check to see if any performance related issues exist with my Director/VP about me, I am seen as unloyal to the company due to my LinkedIn behavior. AITAH?","NTA, but you know what the score is now. You're not going to get promoted."
AITAH for not leaving my Dnd group?,"I (26M) and a night owl and love to play dnd so fu\*\*ing much (Idk if I can curse here or not) and with a group of friends over Discord, each one of us lives in different countries btw. We’ve been playing together for over a year now, and when we have sessions it usually lasts 4–6 hours. We start around 10pm and usually go until about 4am. This happens once a week, and sometimes twice if everyone manages to line up schedules. My gf (23F) and I don’t live together. She goes to sleep early usually no later than 11:30 PM so when I’m playing D&D, she’s already asleep. I’m not ignoring her during that time we wouldn’t be talking anyway. Our work schedules don’t align well. She works from 8am to 3pm, and I work from 1pm to 8pm, so during the week our overlap is limited. That said, when I have a day off, I make sure to spend it with her and focus on us. Why and I giving this info? Well recently she told me that she feels like I’m choosing dnd over her and asked me to leave the group I am playing with so we could spend more time together, she told me she doesn’t mind staying awake till 1 or 2am for me. I told her I wasn’t going to do that, I love my friend group I play with and yes maybe I do possibly annoy her when we meet up telling her about what happened in our last session like a child. But dnd is one of my main hobbies and social outlets, and since we only play once a week (occasionally twice) and during hours when she’s asleep, it doesn’t feel like it’s cutting into our time together. I also explained that when I’m free during times we can overlap. Now she feels like I’m not putting her first, and I feel like I’m being asked to give up something important to me despite already trying to balance both. Now I get the silent treatment and dry texts from her.

So AITAH for refusing to leave my D&D group?","NTA

You have the right to have a Hobby.

You don't have to spend every spare free moment with her."
AITAH for throwing away a baby’s dummy I found on the floor at work?,"
I (F 22) work in a food retail environment.

Last night while cleaning the floor at the end of my shift, I found a baby’s dummy lying on the ground. It was dusty and clearly had been stepped on. Because I work in a food setting and the item was unhygienic, I threw it in the bin.

Today, a woman came in asking if anyone had found a dummy. I (probably foolishly) admitted that I had found one. When she asked for it back, I explained that I’d disposed of it for hygiene reasons.

She became extremely angry, saying it was her property and that I had no right to throw it away. She demanded a replacement dummy. When I said we couldn’t provide one, she asked for a manager and continued to shout.

While my manager was dealing with her, I was sent on my break. The woman then insisted that I should use my break to go to a nearby shop and buy her a new dummy myself, since I was “the one who lost it.”

She is now emailing head office to complain.

so, AITAH?","NTA it was left behind and was dirty, I'm not sure why she'd expect you to keep it for her."
AITAH for calling my mum a hypocrite and exploding at my dad?,"Hi, this will be a long one because I feel like context  is necessary.

I (26F) have been working away the last week due to the snow that fell in the UK so I decided to stay closer to work because of my shifts. While away, apparently my mum (50F) caught my sister (20F) smoking vapes and uncovered that this has been happening for a couple of months. I found this out yesterday when my mum recounted the conversation to me, essentially how she called my sister out, said she was disappointed in how she kept it hidden and then laid into my sister about her lifestyle and how she’s not looking after herself. My sister had always had a problem with her thyroid and hormones, this wasn’t an issue till she was 18 and her doctors visits backed less frequent because she turned into an adult. Since then my sister has gained a bit of weight, it’s noticeable it’s not a huge amount. Anyway, my sister is at uni, she goes in twice a week and is at work 3-4 times a week too, she goes out with friends and her boyfriend and when she has a day off she is either out or in her room chilling or napping. My mum said my sister is using her thyroid problem as an excuse for being tired and gaining weight.

Back to the point, my mum said she expressed being unhappy with my sister’s lifestyle and then equally told her how unhappy she is with mine too and that because the whole topic. She’s unhappy with me drinking energy drinks, she’s unhappy with me sleeping as much as I do, how I barely eat and I’m not looking after my weight either. I too have gained a bit of weight since being a teenager, I usually wear a size L to XL while being 5’6. I also have PCOS that I’m trying to get under control and I still kind of don’t understand it. My mum went on that she’s 50 but eats healthy, goes to the gym and has just completed a hyrox this last weekend - she does do all this stuff and we are really proud of her. When she said all of this, it upset me but I didn’t say anything for a while and left it for a few hours to gather my thoughts.

The thing is, I know she was coming from a place of love and care but it came across as shameful, judgemental and quite hypocritical honestly. When my mum was my age and until much later on, she was smoking like a chimney, barely ate healthy, would drink regularly and only started intermittently working out when she gained weight after quitting smoking. In the last 10 years she worked out for a couple of years, then stopped for a couple more and only in the last year had she started regularly gone to gym classes.

While she’s right, I have been gaining weight slowly over time, it’s not like I haven’t been trying to get rid of it, I’ve have an online training coach who I worked with for many months, I followed his instructions but I struggled to make it work with my job at the time (I would work in a children’s care home and for 4 days I’d live there, sometimes it was hard to do the workouts when things were kicking off, and follow the diet when we all ate as a group (yes I tried bringing my own food in and eat separately) I did try. After a while this was really draining my account out and so I stopped. I also worked with a PCOS dietician that my mum knows, again super expensive, and it worked for a while but then we went travelling for 5 months. While there, I ate really well and according to the dietician’s recommendations, we would walk everywhere, my step count was incredible and still I gained weight.

After thinking over what I wanted to say, I told my mum that what she said really upset me, I emphasized that I’m not disagreeing with her, I could be doing more for my health and should really not be drinking energy drinks (I have one once in a while, I have spells of having a few more often but it’s not a regular purchase) I feel like she could have said it in a nicer way and lead with love, instead it came across as judgmental, shameful and hypocritical bearing in mind what her lifestyle used to be. I said that I’m proud of her and her lifestyle choices and I appreciate how much she cares but I feel like shame isn’t the right way to go about it. My mum immediately got defensive, saying maybe she had no filter but said she is my parent a no other person, not even a friend, would tell me the god honest truth and frankly she feels like I’m just using excuses. She said she didn’t mean to upset me but the reality is that when she was my age, she really didn’t have to worry about her weight so she just had the lifestyle that she did - she said she used to walk everywhere until she was 30 and got her driving license (fair but so did I till I got mine), said she always used to bike places (barely, I can’t recall her on a bike during childhood) and she used to walk around with her friend (true, she did do that when I was a kid). She said she feels like I’m using my PCOS as an excuse, so is lack of time and lack of money. I started crying, I feel like she called me lazy.

Since the end of the pandemic (which is when I gained weight and when I got my PCOS diagnosis) I went straight into working in a school and then in care with children - while there I was working 200h a month and would work with violent children. Off days would be taken recovering mentally and trying to catch up on house work and working on my Level 3 qualification which took two years. In the meantime I bought my house, became an expedition leader she would lead month long trips to various countries and we went on our 5 month long travel trip, I also did my ESOL qualification. Since we have come back in Feb last year, we (me and my fiancee (27M)) have been living at my parents house and deciding what’s next - we were supposed to go back out to travel Australia but my tenants (I rented the house out while travelling) stopped paying rent and I was footing the bill. We made the decision that we can’t go travelling and started the process of legally kicking them out which took from April to October. In the meantime I have been at work and leading more expeditions. Since October we have been renovating this house after the tenants left it in a state and this is where all of our money and time has been going to. I started a new job in care again in November and have again been working 200h a month with shifts that are 16h long. If I’m not there I’m at the house painting or renovating. While I’m typing this out I keep asking myself, am I lazy?

Admittedly I do have days where sometimes I just am in my room and in bed, I’m an overthinking and struggling to recharge, like I need to just be left alone and in silence, ideally home alone, to recharge just a bit, which is tricky when we’re living with my parents and sister. I can see why she might say it’s lazy but I just need to recharge a bit, my job is mentally straining, the house is taking a lot and it’s all been a lot. On top of this, my fiancee hasn’t had a job since August since he led his last expedition - he has worked here and there but has focused on finding the right job for him, which meant using up his savings. He is waiting for the start date but his savings have now melted and I’ve been covering our house bills the last two months, I’ve picked up extra shifts and I’ve been at the house - we are so close to moving back in.

When I told my mum that if we stayed living in their town I would have bee going to the gym with her but we won’t be for long but I can’t afford it (she pays £200/month for her gym classes and like I say, all my money has been going towards the house). She immediately snapped and said that’s no excuse, I came home from work (from a 36h shift (two full days on)) and it’s 19:00 and I could go for a walk. True I guess but I’m knackered. And that’s where my dad (51M) chimed in and started saying how he doesn’t understand why mine and my sisters generation is so tired all the time, that when they were our age, they’d come back from work and hang out with people or so something, and we just get tired and do nothing (not entirely accurate but sure).

I started seeing red. Me and my dad used to have a great relationship growing up but in the last couple of years I lost a lost a lot of respect for my dad, when we were little he used to borrow money behind my mums back and go into debt, my mum would always bail him out and pay his debts out. This has repeated, every couple of years me and my sisters would come home to screaming and shouting that he borrowed money again (even if he didn’t need it) and divorce was on the table. The most significant one was 4 years ago, he borrowed £10,000 and my mum kicked him out and they weren’t together for a year. Over that time my mum flourished, started taking travel trips, looked after herself and glowed. He would weasel his way back in, making promises but not really keeping them, he went to an addiction therapist and somewhat changed but didn’t really change his habits (the money issues always came from his renovation business and him trying to people please but it would backfire on him and cause him to lose money - he would then lie, try to cover it up, get found out but not really take any steps to be better with money. Recently all of this had come to the surface for me, I spoke to him on many occasions honestly that I am hurt that those were his choices and he’s not doing much to build trust with my mum and us, that he knows our relationship is strained but hasn’t done anything about it and he should do a course for money management. Every damn time I said something it has fallen on deaf ears and his excuse is time and money - so when he chimed in, I had enough. I though to myself „How dare he act all night and mighty when he himself has a lot to work on?”

He continued talking about issues with our generations, I know I said a few words, I can’t remember what they were, I know he said „you’re 26 and you don’t ….” And I just exploded, I started shouting that he is 51 years old and is the biggest hypocrite of us all, that he has no independence skills and does not care about how his choices affect anyone else. I told him how dare he act high and mighty when he just thinks about himself and his optics to others, that I told him how I feel he doesn’t care for our relationship 6 months ago and he said he’s try to work on it and he hadn’t done a single thing. I told him I love him but I don’t respect him. I started going upstairs and turned around and told him I hate him for the fact that he didn’t prioritize the family over what others thought of him and he didn’t think about how his actions will affect me and my sister. (My sister had trust issues and thinks that if someone is too nice then it’s just a facade and will do something hurtful, like our dad being so nice and yet borrowing money and getting in debts)(I am overly cautious with money and have a really bad relationship with it, I also feel the need to save money because if my mum was to pass away, who else would have to bail him out? I know he’s an adult and should receive consequences for his own actions, that said he has been in with the wrong crowds before but he’s also just my dad).

Ive never ever spoken like this to my dad, ever. I feel so much guilt and shame. I know it’s not my fault for the trauma my dad caused and it’s my responsibility for how I deal with it and trust me and dealing with it but it came out before I could stop it.

THE THING IS I KNOW THEY CARE, I really do and it’s coming from a place of worry but this entire situation made me feel worthless, like all the other things I’ve accomplished (I’ve always been driving to keep accomplishing more and kot stop learning) and done do not matter because I’m heavier. Like all the other ways I care for myself do not matter. It’s stuck in my head that my mum is judging me, thinking I’m fat and lazy. I haven’t felt like this since I was a teenager and living with my parents, I moved out pretty quickly after university because this is how I’d been feeling constantly because my mum throwing judgement was a consistent part of my teenage hood and early adult life.

I have suggested family therapy many times, it’s not something my parents are willing to do.

I keep thinking am I the a-hole? After all besides this my parents are great, they are supportive, they’ve let us live with them for a long time, they’ve helped with the renovation and everything had been fine. Did I over react? Am I being ungrateful and the a hole?",You’re working yourself ragged your fiancé doesn’t have the luxury to be waiting for the right job. He needs to get any job. You’re shouldering a lot right now. The first thing you need to do cut your hours. Your fiancé gets a job and start pulling his weight.
AITAH - Ive (32F) changed what I initially wanted with my husband (33M),"Married 8 years together 10. Initially I was on the trad wife wave, said to my husband I’d like to be home with the kids be a home maker but once we had kids. We’re both quite ambitious people. 

Had our first baby in 2023, second 2025. Unfortunately I had quite bad PPD which required a hospital admission for about 2 months. Since then I’m going back and forth with myself about going back to work. I only work 20 hours - 2.5 days (.5 I’d do from home) AND my job I’m retuning to is easier - the ward I covered before had 14 beds, now there’s like 8. I keep thinking it would be good to go back, for my own confidence building (lost all of it in the PPD) and to just have some of my own identity back. 

AITAH if things change? I get it, I’m not following through what l said I wanted - but 10 years and 2 kids later things are different. ",Youre allowed to change your mind. What a crazy thing to ask. People change their minds all the time. You don't have to stick with something you wanted 10 years ago. NTA
AITAH for not telling my ex best friend my mom died?,"For context this was a person my for lack of a better term best friend for over 10 years. It all started when her mom died last year and I attended the funeral. Things felt a bit off and I thought I was just imagining it. We spent the night before the funeral on a 3 hour long video call. It was to distract her and she still thanked me for talking about everything but burying her mom the next day. 

Flash forward to the funeral I kept hearing people talk about her being married and pregnant. I thought I misheard and maybe people were saying that is what her mom wants but its not the actuality., Turns out she was married and 5 months pregnant. I had no idea. I was in shock. We had always been in constant communication, and not just that we saw each other regularly. 

This was bizarre and I didn't want to gaslight myself by thinking I did something wrong to deserve not being part of happy things like marriage and a baby. I literally spent 3 hours on a call with her less than a day ago and she could have slipped that in. I left the funeral, blocked her everywhere and decided I need to guard my mental health. This person was part of my life and my family's too, I came home and told them and not to ask me anything because I have no answers to her treating me this way. 

My own mom's health was not too good and she sadly passed away a few months later. Before my mom died this ex best friend turned up at the front gate , baby on the hip asking for my bank details. She owes me no money and I sent her away. I could have let her come inside let us meet her child and she could see my mom one last time before she passed \*they had a good relationship\* but I sent her away politely and closed the door.  

I briefly entertained light self-gaslighting that maybe she didn't want a queer woman like myself around her married life but stopped myself as I have many straight friends with kids who have no issue with me being gay. I have no desire to ever rekindle anything ever. 

She is poison, but am I the asshole by not letting her see my mom and letting her know in some way she passed away? ",Why in the world would she ask for your bank details if she was there to see your mom? Doesn’t seem like your mom was a priority for her. Put it and her out of your mind for good.
AITAH for refusing to move abroad with my boyfriend?,"Hi everyone, I'll be using fake names for anonymity. I'm wondering if I'm really an asshole. My friends and family say no, and that I should take things at my own pace, while his side says I'm a traitor. My boyfriend, Dustin, and I have been together for two years. We live in a country where men are currently banned from leaving the country, but recently they allowed guys under 22 to leave. Dustin decided to take the opportunity and leave before his birthday (he's 21 now).

He'd always dreamed of living outside our country, and now the opportunity to leave arose, but it had to be done quickly. I, on the other hand, had never thought about moving to another country, so this news caught me off guard and I wasn't prepared for it. I said from the start that I wouldn't go with him. I want to explain why. Yes, I want to live with him and I see a future together, but moving isn't very convenient for me right now.

He already has an education, and everything he had in this country (an inheritance, a house, anything to which he could be attached morally and legally) is gone due to some problem, and it's absolutely not his fault. He can safely go and find himself and a new life somewhere else. I, on the other hand, have all of this, and I don't have a completed higher education in my specialty. We’ve been studying for four years, and I've already completed almost three. Why should I leave university when I'm so close to my goal? This is the main reason. I'm also not ready yet, both mentally and financially. I don't want to go to some unknown place and live in some shelter, understand. And I don't want him to live there like that, but it's easier to figure out for one person, considering I'll be supporting him financially, and that's my desire.

After some discussion, I decided to go with him in January. I'll transfer to distance learning and somehow manage my life there. For a month, we both lived with the thought of me going, but every day I wondered if I really needed it. I'm absolutely not against moving. I believe you should try everything in life and better explore your various options. I'm ready to do that, but not now, because my main concern is my university. My major won't yield any results from distance learning; we need practical experience, and I won't have it there.

It would be simple if it were just a matter of practicality. I've lived in one city my whole life and never wanted to live anywhere else. My whole life is here, this is my home. And I don't really see myself living abroad. I'm afraid to make such a decision, even though I understand it's worth it, but I would be comfortable staying here. And staying here would mean breaking our relationship, because his dream is completely different. We have a lot in common, shared interests and goals, and we work in the same field. However, such discrepancies worry and baffle me.

So for a week I kept saying I didn't know if I was going to go, and I honestly couldn't decide. We finally came to a compromise, and I'll move in six months. He'll already have a place to live and a job there, and while I won't graduate, I'll have sorted out my other issues, transferred to distance learning, and mentally prepared for the move.

And after these decisions, Dustin started saying that he feels like I betrayed him and left him alone. His mother says that I'm a traitor and that in my place she would do everything to leave with a boyfriend, and my parents don't understand what love is and are doing everything to make me break up with Dustin (in fact, this is not true, they are just old-school and sometimes don't understand our sleepovers with Dustin (I'm 19, he's 21), and they just want me to put my interests above someone else). Now tell me your opinion, am I an asshole and a traitor for my decision. I myself can't understand, because on the one hand, I understand Dustin's feelings, and that he will be lonely there, especially when I kind of decided that I'm leaving. But on the other hand, I don't understand why they make this situation the end of the world, calling me a traitor purely because I want to do what I think is right for myself and at my own pace, without giving up on my partner and loving and helping him.

Update: I'm grateful to everyone who responded to my post and for your kind words. I'm convinced that I'm not guilty of anything and their judgment is pointless. I'll deal with my boyfriend, because there are so many positive things in our lives. I'd like to ask everyone not to insult people or make them out to be assholes based on just one fact about them, not knowing who they really are. After all, anyone can make a mistake or accidentally offend someone. I wish everyone all the best.🫶","**EDIT**

NTA

I would NOT move overseas with a person I wasn't married to.

You could leave & they you'd both break up."
AITAH for talking to someone that is mad at me,"So, background I (M16) and ex-friend (F15) who we'll call A had a big falling out over something. So freshman year of high-school we were really close and I thought of A as my best friend. Then during summer break I was on a Discord call with A and another friend, and this other friend after some joking around said ""This is why we all hate you."" I proceeded to leave the call and explain how I felt when that was said and got nothing back. Then in August when school started back we made up and we understood each other and what happened. However at the same time A became the exact opposite of how they were. They didn't want to talk to me, be in the same group as me, etc. And yes, it hurt, but there was no reason given to me or anyone else. But then they proceeded to get mad at me for going to dnd which was a school wide club, and tear me away from my other friends because she doesn't want to be with me. So I'm having a meeting with A with the councilor so I can know what happened. A had said I made them uncomfortable and then provided nothing of what I did so I have no clue what is wrong. So AITA?","At this point A has proven they are not a real friend. Real friends do not refuse to communicate or hide things from you, let alone gang up on you and say hurtful things to you or about you. Sometimes in life, people will change how they treat you and you won’t always get an explanation, but again, that just proves they are not meant to be in your life and are not a true friend. Stick with the ones that you have seen stand by your side time and time again. If you have not found that person or people yet, you will. And be that kind of true friend yourself with the people that show they are worthy of that loyalty from you."
AITAH for asking my dad what his freaking problem is with my girlfriend,"I’ve always had a great relationship with my father but lately it feels like he’s lost his freaking mind. It all started a few weeks before Christmas he asked for me and my girlfriends wish lists which my girlfriend provided and a few days after he has a talk with me about some things on there that he was confused about asking for some more fem leaning clothes (for context i have begun transitioning and told him in October and if im going to receive clothes for Christmas as i pretty much always have i would like them to lean more feminine so i can have something to experiment with my look more) his response is that it felt like she was trying to dictate how i look i told him no i wanted a few things to expand what I had available to experiment with changing my look,

a few days later he sent a text message saying that he was uncomfortable with my girlfriends expectations for her wish list she explained that she wasn’t expecting anything specific and that she just sent a full wish list including everything from something pink to she could use a new computer. His husband responded by saying that my father has trauma around gift giving and this has stressed him out that he has often felt like he had to buy peoples love. I can see where this would come from as my mother is quite materialistic but had never heard anything like this from him as long as I lived! It was explained that there were no expectations and whatever they got would be more than enough.

Next week i have been invited to coffee with my mom as she was in town. She asked me if I could come alone as she wanted some 1 on 1 time. When I got there I found both her and my dad waiting for me what followed was alot of questions about my transition i feel they could have asked me in private alot along the lines of why did you decide to transition medically before socially, have you thought about how this would impact your fertility, and have you considered violence in that your going from the most privileged group into the group with the highest likelihood of being targeted for a hate crime . (a line of questioning I largely consider to be of the same calibre as have you tried NOT being gay and … are you sure?) in addition to this he brings up my girlfriend again in her role on the night i came out, she encouraged me and gently nudged me into the position of come out and my dad considered this to be pressuring me to come out i explained to him that I needed a nudge because I have a tendency to just not address bigger things and dance around things (he brought this up on the night and I explained to him he brought it up again a week later and now it’s being brought up and explained again a third time) on top of the wish list incident he said that it seemed like i was “her little pet project” which I found incredibly insulting to both me and her

on top of this on another occasion she had been talking to my grandmother and my grandmother asking how I was doing and my girlfriend replied that i had been struggling a little bit with my mental health due to stress and according to my dad this stressed her out so much that she was apparently sobbing asking him to check in on me but when I talked to her directly she responded that she worries a bit but she wasn’t pulling her hair out or anything and seemed chill about everything and was confused about what my dad had said I don’t fully believe either of them 100% but I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle here

After this i called him a day after “coffee and talking ” and said straight up asking “what is the bug up your butt about my girlfriend?” “It feels like you are willing to at the drop of a hat assume the worst of her” this isn’t limited to just these incidents i feel like it’s been a consistent pattern of behaviour over the years and i feel it’s unfair to someone i love i feel he’s being uncharitable to her and after all these years she should have earned some benefit of the doubt. (Especially because if i were to be equally uncharitable i could easily say it looks like his husband is attempting to stir up drama in an effort to isolate him from the family) he got incredibly upset at this and I did not show up to the yuel dinner they were hosting. The intent was if this is intentional then you need to cut the shit and if it isn’t you need to do some soul searching and find what place emotionally this is coming from

I didn’t see or speak to them until Christmas where they effectively club snubbed us (not starting anything but very noticeably actively not interacting) including the end of the night where we were waiting alone and he continued more or less ignoring me

I sent them a thank you text after Christmas for their thoughtful gift and no response. I sent a new years message no response… four days later I get the response that their basically going no contact with us “i am stepping away and will not be communicating with you at this time i need space” and my stepdad writing “i too am stepping away and i no longer want to be referred to as dad” this is a big deal because when he got married to my dad there was a big fight between him and my sibling about them not wanting to call him dad for context my sibling has trauma due to our first step father abandoning us

So from my perspective it’s hard not to feel like this is possibly some kind of unconscious transphobia on my dad’s part and he’s projecting it onto my girlfriend especially with what he said during that talk

Aitah? Im wondering if I was too harsh when I confronted him about his attitude but how else should I act when I feel someone i love is being treated unfairly. Or he could be upset at me talking directly with my grandmother about what he said about her being stressed During “coffee” he and my mother told me that I should be treating my grandparents “like toddlers” and try to not confuse them or add to their stress while they’re “on their way out “ which feels disrespectful and unkind to me so maybe by talking to her directly he saw that as me disregarding his wishes? Aitah?",This isn’t really anything to do with your gf they are transphobic and wanted a reason to cut you off and your gf is collateral damage so they don’t look bad. Return the favour and block them. You don’t need that in your life. Plenty of people within the lgbtq community can hold prejudices against others.
AITAH for wanting to break up with my “boyfriend”,"So as the title says, AITAH for wanting to break up with my “boyfriend”?

So here is my situation:

Basically I been talking to a boy (he is my classmate and in the same friend group as I) and he was really kind and supportive in a crazy situation/kind of hard time. In that time he told me that he liked me and even though I did not feel the same way (I didn’t really felt anything towards anyone - so like as if I was numb) so I decided that since he is a nice guy I should agree but I told me to slow things down. Things were going good and yeah but I still told him that I would only be his girlfriend if he asked. So yeah that’s where the “breaking up” part comes. Due to me not really feeling anything in general and rn I’m going through a really hard time (family and mh problems) I’m struggling mentally and I can’t even feel anything again. So I didn’t really talked to him in school nor in text. And the worst part that I get that he is struggling too (with family problems) and maybe I was his hope and this will break his heart but I don’t think I can keep pretending that I

like him while I’m even struggling just to not relapse.

So this is the part where I may be the villain but I feel like I should tell him the truth that I don’t think that this is going to work out between us due to me being at a really bad place.

So AITAH for wanting to “break up” with him or idk?

\- also if someone has any advice then please write it.

\- and please don’t write mean things I’m already struggling and also I’m only 15.

!! I’ve been and I’m still going every Tuesday to a psychologist !!","Esh, you never should have agreed if you had no feelings for him. Break up now, explain that you are struggling and adding him in is too much. Are you in therapy? Seeing a dr for your mental health? If not, please reach out to a counselor at school and tell them you are struggling. "
AITAH for asking for a day to myself?,"
So I’m 2 months postpartum. I had a c-section and have had prior mental health problems so the chance of me getting ppd is really high. I’ve expressed this to my baby dad (who I live with, but we are not in a relationship) but he really doesn’t seem to care.  

I give him days and nights where he doesn’t take the baby. So I’ll be up all night because even though baby is 2 months, he’s already teething. But I’ve asked him for almost a month (19th of December) if he can just take the baby for 24 hours so I can have a small break. 

Mind you, I’ve taken the baby for multiple days at a time when I’ve gone to my moms or my cousins for a couple night. Baby dad is always taking off to go see his friend, often being gone for 12+ hours. 

I asked him go take the baby tonight because I had the baby all night last night so I was hoping to try and get some rest. But he brought him in to me at about 2:40 and I was telling him no but all he did was smile at me like I was joking. 

I heard him go pee and then go to his room. I changed the baby and made him a bottle and went to go give him back to dad just to see him passed out. 

Is it just the hormones? Am i asking of too much? Or am I in the right to ask for one day to myself?","NTA

Make up enough formula for a day. Give baby to Daddy and head to your Moms for the night."
Update! AITAH For refusing to get married to my fiance until she proves herself me?,"UPDATE!

Thank you everyone for your comments. Its been a month since I last posted. A lot of stuff happened since then. Right now im sitting at a bar trying to drown my stupidity. Im not sure where to begin. I called her on her bullshit. We got into a fight about her behavior. After that it seemed she started changing. She started getting more involved with my kids. She seemed she was being more transparent and open. I thought things were going in a good direction. We spent the holidays with my family and she was friendly and seemed genuinely happy. 2 weeks ago she said she had temporary assignment out of town. I thought it was weird but I said whatever its her job. But I had this weird knot in my stomach. I started questioning her about it and something felt off. She wouldn't give me details about her hotel or really what she was doing. So I did something that I am not proud of. I put a tracker in her car. One of those things I bought off the Tik Tok shop. I helped her pack her clothes. She grabbed sweats, jeans and work shirts, told me she loved me then left. The two days prior to her leaving were weird. The best way I can describe it is she was love bombing me. She kept telling me how much she loves me and is going to miss me and how lucky she is to have me. She was more affectionate than she has been in months. After she left and went to the hotel for her ""job"" I started tracking her. She said she had to be at the job site by 2pm which was 2 hours away. First she had to check into her hotel then she will head to the job site. The problem was her vehicle never left the hotel. So I followed her tracker to the hotel. I pulled up to the hotel and saw her vehicle. The nice convertible that she wanted me to buy her so I did. I called her and texted her but she wouldn't respond. She finally called me back and told me she was busy working and had to go to the bathroom to talk to me because of the noise. She said she would be working all night and would call me when she got off work. I sat in that parking lot doubting myself. What if I was wrong? What if she took a shuttle or ubered to her job site? I sat in my car and was just processing when I saw her. She came out of the hotel with her boss. She was dressed in a nice outfit that she didn't pack. They walked to her bosses truck, he opened her door and helped her in before climbing into the driver seat. It broke me. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Suddenly this rage surged through me. Everything in me wanted to ram his truck. The rage quickly turned into a cold anger. I texted her enjoy f***ing your boss. I put my car in drive and drove home. I called my friend and asked if I can swing by. He recently went through something similar. He said his door is always open and to swing by when I get back in town. When I got there I told him everything. He didn't say a lot. He just listened. After I was done he said there's not a lot of advice he can give me. I needed to figure things out. Whatever I decided he would have my back. He helped me talk through what needs to be done. So I left his house and went to mine. I woke my kids up and told them to pack some clothes. I called my parents and asked if I could stay there a few days. I started packing my clothes when my now ex fiance came into the house. She kept trying to call me but I blocked her number so she drove back from the hotel to the house to talk to me. I kept packing while she kept trying to explain to me that it wasn't what I thought they just happened to be in the same hotel and that they were going for a drink. I told her to get away from me. The weird thing is she wasn't showing much emotion. She kept telling me that she didn't want to lose me and that it was a big misunderstanding. She kept blocking the door so I couldn't leave. As much as I wanted to I didn't try to move her. I didn't want her to be able to say that I touched her. I took an hour for me to get her to move. Finally I was able to leave and went to my parents house. Of course she immediately tried to spin the narrative to everyone telling them it was a misunderstanding. Everyone started calling me telling me to call her and talk it out. It was just a misunderstanding and that she didn't do anything. I blocked them all. Because she is blocked on my phone she started emailing me telling me she was sorry and how she never meant to hurt me and that she now sees how she has been and that she can change. How she sees how she has damaged our family and how she can fix it. I told her that she had 4 years to do that. She didn't regret what she did she regretted getting caught and I blocked her email. I want to go scorched earth. Her boss is married with 3 kids. I want to burn it all down. Contact his wife and the HR department and let them know what their government employees have been doing. So now im sitting at the bar spiraling between anger and heartache. Not sure what to do next. The lease for our house is in both of our names. I dont have the money for a deposit for new rental. So I am sitting here trying to figure out the next step in my life. I will keep yall updated on what I can figure out.",And everyone clapped. 
AITAH for emotionally distancing myself from my sister after she backed out of my commencement to attend a bachelorette trip?,"I (mid-20s F) am graduating from university soon, and my commencement has been planned for a long time.

Almost three years ago, when my younger sister planned a trip to visit me, my older sister told me she wouldn’t come on that trip because she wanted to save her visit for my commencement instead. Since then, she has repeatedly said she would attend, talked about planning it, and told me she had taken time off work. Because of that, I fully expected her to be there.

Recently, she was being vague about booking flights and hotels. There was a good deal on a hotel near the venue, and since I didn’t want to lose it, I called her to ask what day she’d be flying in so I could reserve the room. That’s when she finally told me she actually wouldn’t be coming. She decided to attend her best friend’s bachelorette trip instead, which overlaps with the time she would have been here.

She is the maid of honor and said that no other weekend worked because of other people’s schedule conflicts. This made me feel like my commencement wasn’t considered a “real” conflict. She also has a very flexible work schedule and plenty of time off, which added to my frustration.

After telling me she couldn’t come, she then suggested that my younger sister, my dad (who was already coming), and my younger sister’s boyfriend come instead, which felt like she was trying to replace herself. For context, my younger sister was just here two years ago, while my older sister hasn’t visited in about four years.

I was really hurt and overwhelmed in the moment and ended the phone call shortly after she told me. I didn’t yell or insult her, but I needed space.

I’m not cutting my older sister off completely, but I’ve definitely pulled back emotionally and expect our relationship to change long-term. I still plan to be civil (for example, I’ll text her happy birthday), but I no longer feel comfortable investing the same level of trust or expectation.

So, AITAH for distancing myself emotionally and going low-contact after she backed out of my commencement after years of saying she’d come?","I think its natural for anyone that's been hurt by someone to pull back somewhat, a totally normal response.  NTA, she hurt your feelings."
AITAH if I told my husband that I feel like I’m a single parent,"So, let me get into a little back story here. My husband started an LLC and his job calls for him to be gone three weeks in another state and he is only home one week in the month. I have a full-time job and I take care of our child a long with our chicken farm. He makes a lot more money than I do. And he pays for the mortgage while I take care of all other house hold expenses. There is times that I run out of money and I have to use the credit card to buy groceries or chicken feed. 
Our dog got knocked up recently and had 8 puppies that I have to take care of on top of everything else. Let me be clear this dog was my husband and child’s decisions to get this dog. We already had a dog that I got for the family. Very well behaved dog and is easily trainable. This dog is very timid, kills our chickens and is a hand full most of the time. 
Well the puppies are almost ready to be off the dog’s milk and I asked my husband if he could help me next month (not fully pay for) get her fixed so we don’t have an issue of her being pregnant again. He said I’ll see after I’ve paid my bills. I paused and asked “what aren’t you working?” And he repeated himself again. Then I said, “it’s in a month you can’t help me pay for the dog that you and our child wanted?” And he repeated himself again I’ll have to see after I pay my bills. 
I yelled in the phone saying that I feel like a single parent because I have to pay for everything at home. All of our child’s school expenses, food, anything and everything besides the mortgage. He doesn’t give me anything to help me pay for anything. Am I in the wrong? I didn’t even ask for this dog that has made my life a living hell because she tears up everything and we can’t even have our chickens roam around because she will kill them. I’m not asking for half his salary. I’m just asking to help me fix this dog and help me with a little more expenses with our son. I’m stressing hard about this but if this isn’t reasonable enough please tell me. ",NTA - This relationship isnt going to work. For the obvious neglect and financial abuse. 
AITAH for exposing bullies online but not reading the room well enough,"Exposed bullies now I'm being reported

Reported for exposing bullies online. What should I do?

For context I am autistic, struggle with social cues so am a bit unique, but this doesn't excuse anything it's just important to bear in mind 

I was clubbing and wanted to film myself, I set up phone on floor (as was only place to put it) the filming probs went on for too long. Perhaps people did feel uncomfortable with how long the filming went on for. There was a group of friends, one I was dancing with who waved at the video and then I noticed she went over to her friends and 2 of them were whispering and laughing at me. I am neurodivergent, and I assumed they were judging me. I just hate bitchy behaviour, I'm fed up with it from high school and I felt it really impacted how safe I felt to unmask and be myself dancing at the club. I do pick up on small things that perhaps others wouldn't, but one of the girls I knew from before and she was quite nasty to my housemate so I didn't get a good impression of her. 

I felt like during my childhood being bullied I didn't let myself have a voice, and I wanted to give that back to myself. I made a TikTok with the video showing them laughing in background  and captioned it across the centre something about if you're an adult you shouldn't expect mean girl behaviour to go away. 

The reception of the video wasn't what I expected. It got a lot of views (150k). Most comments disagreed that they couldn't see the mean girl behaviour and some even accused me of up-skirting because the angle was on the floor (to clarify you couldn't see any genitals or underwear, you could maybe see slightly up thigh of one of the girls, but NOTHING explicit)

I responded to the comments In a Defensive unserious way because I felt very invalidated and almost gaslit. It probs didn't reflect on me well because the comments were mentioning how they could've felt uncomfortable with the filming and I dismissed it. I didn't feel what I had done was bad. I felt justified because of how they treated me. And also upset how someone could mischaracterise something that was far from sexual in nature. But after all the comments disagreeing anything was bad in the video, I did change the caption to acknowledge I may have misunderstood the situation and I didn't intent to make them feel uncomfortable. 

The girls in the video found the video and one of them was responding to comments how she wasn't being mean and she felt uncomfortable being filmed.  I assumed if she wanted the video down she would communicate that with me somehow. I just thought it must not bother her too much if she hasn't asked for it to get taken down. I also didn't have a lot of empathy for her because I did perceive her as a mean girl.

A few hours pass and two of the girls finally messaged me. They both claimed they will report me, get my volunteer role taken away from me and that I should delete the video and make snide comments about how they hope I employed my 10m of fame. I deleted the video instantly. It just felt like intimidation and more of a power move than anything. They also commented on the uni anonymous page claiming someone in the club ""was upskirting people"". They also accused me of upskirting them. One even lied and claimed that they requested the video to get deleted many times and I supposedly deleted their comments.

I felt wronged by them again for how they were being. I felt they could have asked the video to be taken down before reporting me, it just seemed like such a leap. 

I have been accused of the following and invited to a investigation meeting:

\\\\- disorderly conduct causing a nuisance or distress

\\\\- Behaved in a manner that may constitute unwanted conduct of a sexual nature

where that conduct has the purpose or effect of violating another person’s dignity or

creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for

them.

Please just analyse this situation, who's in the wrong, and how I should approach the meeting. I struggle to figure out if I am justified and want to balance being genuine but also protecting myself.

I don't feel bad for these girls cuz I don't appreciate their lying and power plays. I think just mischaracterising them online is not severe enough for a punishment. I filmed in a public place too and wasnt directing the video at them specifically. The girl who originally danced with me I actually missed her comment saying she felt violated by the angle and I genuinely feel sorry for her because it was wrong if she felt uncomfortable and I do genuinely feel remorse. You could see up her thigh a bit and I get how she wouldve felt vulnerable. But the other two girls just don't really seem justified in how they feel. They were in the back and not exposed at all. I did feel like they were laughing at me, and I just feel like I exposed them for the bullies they are 🤷‍♀️","> I noticed she went over to her friends and 2 of them were whispering and laughing at me. I am neurodivergent, and I assumed they were judging me

First of all, this entire situation began with you making a negative assumption about them without any real information. You have no idea what they were saying or why they were laughing. It's not okay to publicly accuse people of being bullies based on an assumption you've made.

It's good to unmask and let yourself have fun at the club. That is separate from you filming people without their consent. Have you considered that maybe you filming was making *other* people feel less safe to let loose? After all, they don't know whether you might have been filming them to judge and mock them, and in this case you did in fact use the video to encourage negative attention towards other people online. Did you think about the fact that people might have tracked these girls down and bullied them online based on your video?

The first girl saying she was uncomfortable being filmed should have been your cue to take down the video. Them reporting you is valid. What you did is wildly inappropriate.

I'm sorry you were bullied growing up. In this instance, you were the bully. Let this be a lesson learned not to film people without consent and not to make assumptions about other people's behavior without verifying.

YTA"
AITAH for blaming my dad for causing my English grade to drop?,"So I (M15) asked my father (M46) to buy me a book for my English class on the 9th of January. I then proceed to ask for a follow up on the 12th since the book is due the 14th; he tells me that he will order it “now”. I then asked him today if he ordered it for me but then he said “Shit, \[insert name\] why didn’t you remind me?” MIND YOU I ASKED HIM TWICE. We only have one assignment in the grade book and it’s a homework assignment worth 5 points, since I don’t have the book my grade will drop from a 100% to a 50% since it will be 5/10 points on my homework part of my grade (the only part we have in currently). I tried expressing to my dad that I reminded him two times yet he still gaslit me into thinking I was I not being responsible. Personally, I feel like if your kid asks you multiple times to buy something they need for a class you should do it, no?","Honestly, you did your part by asking multiple times, your dad dropping the ball shouldn’t tank your grade. Sounds like he needs to step up, not gaslight you."
AITAH for not going to work on my first day off in weeks?,"Sorry for the bad  English it’s my 4th language 

So I am a 21 year old college student and I’m paying for my college alone, my dad is dead and mom abandoned me years ago for her new family. 

I have this weird job at our local hospital where basically I’m a caregiver for patients who can’t be left alone, think suicide attempts and mentally ill patients who just can’t be left alone, I absolutely hate it because it’s soul crushing but it gives me the opportunity to study and do my homework because I mainly work nights and most of the time the patients are just sleeping. 

Work has gone up so much during the holidays like it’s insane, usually you’d get like 4-5 shifts a week but my manager has asked me multiple times to do a morning and night shift in the same day, I refuse because I have school and it’s too much but it’s crazy, I’ve been working every single day  since probably 18th of December till now and I’ve only took 3 days off for Christmas and NYE and where this is about 2 nights ago. Most of these shifts were 12 hours so I’m mentally fucking exhausted. 

So last Saturday I was doing a 12 hour evening shift since I didn’t have school and I was with an old woman with dementia and I was fucking done with life, in the middle of my shift my manager tells me that the next day I had a 12 hour morning shift and I just lost it at her, I said ain’t no way in hell am I doing that, and she said fine and gave me the next day off and I was relieved, I decided to go out with some friends for the night on a different city two hours away, as soon as I arrived she texts me asking if I could come on a night shift because someone’s relative died and they couldn’t go, it was very late notice so I said no and that I was 2 hours away and this was my day off, she kept begging but I said no and she said fine, then I started getting calls left and right by other coworkers to try and get me to go to help her out, but I still said no, they kept calling and calling and I just turned off my phone and carried on.

Now everyone is mad at me because an evening shift worker had to work an extra 3 hours on top of their shift until someone else came and now everyone thinks I’m an asshole, but I’ve been working nonstop for almost a month now and most of those were 12 hour shifts, what don’t I deserve a life too? 

Was I the asshole here for having boundaries?","NTA and check your coworkers on their shit. Be cold if you gotta, tell them if they have a problem with what shifts you cover then you’ll let management know to contact them from now on."
AITAH for wanting my partner to go to rehab & recovery center after?,"My husband has been addicted to kratom for over a year. There have been lies after lies about how much he was taking. We started a taper plan but he has changed the plan multiple times and while I thought I was in control of the pills there were always some hidden that I found. Now it seems like he is genuinely trying but throws up everyday and takes more so we are basically not making much progress. He wants to do an at home detox, we have a 2 year old. I worry this will be too much for my son and I to watch. I will admit I have not been the nicest partner during this whole process because this isn’t the first substance and there have just been too many lies. I am adamant on him going to get the medical professional help he needs, would prefer it to be any treatment that doesn’t use another opioid related drug to help him. I also want him to go and get mental help, therapy, N.A. meetings, whatever he needs for the next year. Husband thinks I am being hateful and spiteful and hate him so much that at this point I just want him gone and I want to punish him. I keep trying to explain that our son and I shouldn’t have to deal with the repercussions of his addiction. My son shouldn’t have to watch him screaming and having a mental break down while trying to detox at home. He says it won’t be that way. I have talked to many people who work with addicts and they all say kratom withdrawals are no joke. The kratom he has been using is called MGM or 7-Oh or something like that so it’s not pure kratom. He was taking 30-40 a day, and is zombied out on the couch almost all day, even now that we have tapered down to about 12-15 a day, which he lied about because I though we were at 6 a day…. I just can’t continue watching him do nothing with his life. AITA for not wanting him to do his recovery here at home with us??","As a recovering addict I just want to say this....we all think we can do it ourselves. We can't. In the past I had tried multiple times to detox at home, but with access to money, phone, vehicle etc, when the detox gets to its peak and you're shitting and puking all at the same time nothing will stop you from getting whatever substance it is that will take that feeling away. So no, NTAH, get him in a program that will hold him accountable and give him what he needs to get through the hard part. After that he's on his own. He HAS to want it for himself though or it will never work. In the end you have to do what's best for you and your son though. Best of luck to you doll❤️"
AITAH in this situation?,"So, about a few months ago I was in a relationship. But I ended it because I still had PTSD from the last one (but I never told them I had PTSD till about a month on) so I'm curious if I'm the asshole here","Not the a**hole ptsd can be crippling although i think u should tell them why u ended it maby they would understand the worst thing is never giving giving urself a chance to find out what could of been taking that leap can be hard but worth it in the end, just be honest with them if they are willing to take things slow go for it if not dont see it as a loss live in the moment do it for the memories and u will be better because of it. Cutting urself off completely will do more damage then good in my opinion i may be wrong and dont know much about u sonits hard for me to give u the best advice all i can say is be true to urself and follow ur heart i wish u the best of luck"
WIBTAH if I went against my boyfriend's wishes and got my tongue pierced?,"This post will be blunt but this has been a topic in our relationship for a very long time. I (18F) already have 7 piercings on my face alone, I met my boyfriend (20M) when I was an emo 14 year old with snakebites & an eyebrow piercing so he knew what he was getting into and is alternative himself but he absolutely hates piercings. Every piercing I have gotten since I met him he has not liked but just said screw it and did it anyway because I want to spend my youth looking how I want. However, the ones he especially hates are bellybutton, septum, and tongue piercings. I have 2/3. I held off for a long time but eventually ended up getting them mostly because of him calling me disrespectful for getting things that I know he hates, calling piercings he knew I had ugly, and not commenting when I asked him if he would think my whole face was ugly if I got my nose pierced (before I did). It honestly kind of pissed me off. 
A tongue piercing is the last one I want and I have wanted it forever. He says he would especially not like it because I already have my bellybutton pierced, and he can tolerate one but would really dislike me having both (I flip my septum piercing up when around him). I think he kinda just sees tongues as gross. I would really love to have this and it has been an ongoing discussion between us for a couple years now, so what do you guys think of this situation? Am I being disrespectful/childish about a boundary?
 I would also like to add that he's not berating me all the time about this, the examples I brought up have been random comments he's made in the past. ","I mean, NTA. If he finds piercings so distasteful you’d think he’d be dating someone who feels the same way. Like if he’s just going to give you grief and make you feel bad about the piercing who needs that negative energy?"
AITAH for not wanting to pay for my boyfriends recovery,"Being vague so as not to identity anyone in this story…..

TW// mentions of drug abuse

Over the last few years my boyfriend (M30) has been in and out of rehab for drug addiction, I (F28) love him dearly but it’s been a hard road for us all. He was doing well for a bit but a death in the family turned everything on its head. 

We have been together since secondary school and have been there for each other through so much. I put off college to support him financially. 

The asshole comes in here, he is out of rehab in a week, he wants me to pay his away for a while to keep him on the straight and narrow, which I would do gladly. However, I have been offered the opportunity of a life time!

For years I’ve been putting money away to study abroad for my dream career, I have gotten close to my goal several times but expenses for my boyfriend came first and I wouldn’t change that for the world. But now I have the money and the opportunity is here, am I the asshole for not being dead set on funding my partner this time? 

I adore him and want him to get better but we have been down this path so many times before…. ","NTA

At what point do you draw a line and realize he has taken so much from you? You willingly chose to put your life on hold but at what point do you say, enough is enough?"
AITAH for wanting to move out when Im 18?,"So Im 17 Female, I lived with my adopted parents, I have only been adopted for 4 years. They are better then what my bio parents where but are still strict. They come home from a concert today. Its 10 at night and I get up to see what they are yelling about. Apparently I didn't do my chores. I did. I always do. I do all the chores in my house and more. They say I don't care about them because when I woke up half asleep still, I took out my time of the month product and it was in the toilet, half asleep me didn't clock this till later when they are yelling at me about it. My mom then yells I won't be able to use said thing anymore and only use pads. Fine, whatever. Then they start about my phone. They say they wanna get me a flip phone because I was looking up hairstyles on google and this is deemed wrong. They don't want me on the internet. If I can look up hairstyles I can look up porn is their reasoning. I have family link on my phone. I only get 2 hours on it and Im only allowed on one website and its a game called Lioden I got into playing a year back. Anyone with family link knows its a pain to get around even if you tired. But I dont. Because Im not like that. SO then my dad is yelling in face to go to bed because I can't respect his house. This man don't even have enough respect to remember my birthday. My parents say I can't move out when I turn 18 because I will still be in highschool. At this point IM SO done I just want advice on what to do.",You concentrate on your education so you can get a successful career and support yourself financially
AITAH for saying 'im in love with an artist',"I'll do my best to keep this as short as well and this is a throwaway because my boyfriend knows my main.

On Friday I 24 F was at a birthday party with my boyfriend 28M 'Oscar' my friend and I were talking about music and we have fairly similar taste so I asked her if she knows said artist and she said she never heard of him and I said ""Omg you're joking right? He is the best I'm literally in love with him he is so talented"" and I recommend her some songs and we talked about other stuff and with other people. 

The next day I woke up with a text from my boyfriend saying I disrespected him by saying I was in love with another man and that I embarrassed him in front of our friends and that he needs time to revaluate our relationship and think if he can get pass this. He also said that if I have the chance with my favorite artist I WILL cheat on him and that having those thoughts about another man indicates that I'm not loyal. I'm absolutely dumbfounded because all of these sounds like bs to me, I tried to call him but he blocks me, I sent him an email saying we were done for good and that insecurity is not a good look on an almost 30 y/o man.

I talked to my friends and some laughed and two guys said that I was the asshole for breaking up with him when he asked for time apart. But if you are jealous or insecure about an artist that is so stupid I'm sorry. Oscar called today and asked to talk, he said he is willing to get pass this but I need to apologize in front of everyone because I embarrassed him in front of everyone. I told him that now I'm the one who needs time to think about our relationship. 

I don't know if I was to harsh with him and maybe I didn't put myself in his place but this seems like such non-issue, I can't understand his reasoning. I need outside perspective because or relationship was pretty solid and he was such a loving and attentive partner we were even talking about moving in together and  I don't want to throw a good relationship over this but at the same time this feel so stupid I'm not sure we can get past this or if he wouldn't do something like this again just because I breathe too close to another man. So reddit was I the Ah? ","I’d considered it good riddance at this point. He sounds like a teenager, not a full grown man."
AITAH for free gas,For pumping a $10 of gas into my tank because I think someone chose the wrong number I mean I looked around for awhile before doing so then just said f it maybe the person before me said pay it forward but then as I was leaving I think the couple next to me was wondering why their gas wasn’t working ,Lmao a bit but not really if you thought someone was just paying it forward. I would have asked them in your situation though. People putting 10 dollars in a tank usually dont have more money for gas. I’ve been there.
AITAH for attending job interviews to brush up my interview skills,"So my sister is contemplating to find her next job (she is now on her 1st job ever in her life which she get thru recommendation from college/University),and she feels that she do not have the confidence to excel in her job interviews. She is quite an introvert and not that good in talking.

I told her that from my experience as an introvert myself, the best way to overcome this and build up your confidence is to do what I did - attend practice interviews for jobs that you do not care if you get it or not. And ideally once a year you should do this,just to make sure your interview skills doesn't get rusty, and knows the ongoing market rate,trend, industry practice and expectations, etc.

And my sister, and my mother, who overheard our discussions, both opposed to this advice and accused that I shouldn't be doing this, and basically I'm a douchebag that has no consideration for others (the interviewer), and wasting people's effort and time, if I wasn't being serious.

Even though I tried to say it goes both ways, what about companies that interview candidates for formality purposes, or ghost you after the interview. But apparently they feel that all companies out there are being genuine, and say that those are merely ""discovered to be not a good fit after interview, unlike you who already came in with little to no intention to begin with, which is just fooling others"".

I might want to mention that my mother is a Japanese, and my sister had spent some time there (whereas for me I did not). Perhaps its a cultural thing?
",interviewers waste hundreds of people's times. it's ok
AITAH for halfassing computer support for one group,"I (F43) do first level IT-Support in my workplace. If someone has computer problems I assess the issue, try all the usual tricks and if necessary report the problem to the real IT-department.
We have three work groups and I work in group B (normal deskjob, the IT Support is an additonal task so that the real IT doesn’t get bothered for menial problems).  I am rather introverted and don’t always get all the social clues, but I really liked helping with computer problems and always try to fix things at once. A while ago I noticed, that the people in group A are making fun of me behind my back (and most recently my front… which is the reason I figured it out). I thought we all had a good working relationship. I‘ve been working with some of those people for 25 years. I don’t even know if I can still trust the other 2 groups.
Since I found out, I take my sweet time to check on group A‘s problems… „Oh long phone call, so sorry“ typ of thing, which isn’t something I like doing. Aita?

",Justified AH. Standard workplace bullshit but if they are mocking you to your face you should let someone know.
AITAH for leaving my dirty underwear on his toiletry bag?,"Hi everyone, I’m new to posting on Reddit and ran into a situation that I have been conflicting over the past day and my eyes are just so puffy from crying and I feel alone. I just need to know if I deserved what happened and want some more clarity on this situation.

I (25F) recently started dating my boyfriend (23M) a couple months ago. Before we started dating, his brother Stuart (24M) and cousin Dan (21M) had already planned to buy a house together with him. The house was purchased after we started dating, but at the time of this situation, his brother and cousin have not moved in yet.

Some background because I think it ties a bit into the story: 

Until very recently, my boyfriend was living at his parents’ house, where his brother Stuart also lives. That is where I had been staying over most of the time. Because my boyfriend and I are newly dating and have been spending a lot of time together, I stayed over at his parents’ house fairly often. Recently, Stuart told my boyfriend that he hasn’t been feeling comfortable in his own home and wanted to set boundaries around how often I stayed there especially now that they are moving into their own house now and want ground rules so everyone can be happy. One of the issues he mentioned was that my hair in the bathroom had been bothering him. I fully understand this and take responsibility. I try to clean up after myself, (i brush my loose hair into the sink so it doesn’t get on the floor bc I hate stepping on hair and always collect it and throw it in the trash) but I admit I missed some small pieces of hair and once forgot to immediately throw away hair I had left on the shower wall (I do this bc I don’t want it to clog the drain). I felt really bad because I can understand it might be shocking for a guy who didn’t grow up with a sister or lived with girls to see this and feel uncomfortable with seeing sm hair. As soon as this was brought up, I became more careful about cleaning, and decided to reduce how often I stayed over. This conversation happened only a week ago or so, so it hasn’t been too much time to really notice these changes. I do know that he expressed this to Dan as well since now he will be sharing the bathroom with my bf in their new house and to make him aware that this might be an issue he may have to deal with. Totally get it.

Now onto the issue:

A few days later maybe a bout a week later, my boyfriend moved into the new house. I stayed there with him for three nights and then left early the last day. I had been very careful with my hair and even picking it up from the floor, every single last piece to ensure that Dan won’t feel uncomfortable either like Stuart had. The day after I left, Dan came to the house, went to the bathroom, and found my dirty underwear resting on his toiletry bag on the sink. Instead of contacting me or my boyfriend privately, he took a photo of it and sent it to a group chat with friends, saying it was very “hoe of you.”

I was mortified. I’m a shy person and don’t feel comfortable with men I barely know seeing my underwear, let alone taking a photo of it and sharing it. At first I thought he found it on the floor and put it there on purpose. This turned out not to be the case as he was very upset (rightfully so) but i just never leave dirty clothes on the counter and always leave it on the floor bc well… it’s dirty and belongs on the floor, so I’m not sure how it got there. But I guess I had to maybe have accidentally tossed it onto his stuff before getting in the shower? I’m really trying to remember but I can’t. Regardless i should have been more careful. But what he did made me feel exposed and humiliated.

I immediately texted him apologizing for leaving my underwear there and acknowledged that it was inappropriate especially to leave on his stuff. I also asked that if something like this ever happened again, he contact me privately because I was uncomfortable with how it was handled.

He replied that he did it on purpose, that it was extremely disrespectful of me to leave my underwear there, and that he doesn’t owe me a private conversation because I had no respect for him. He did not apologize for taking the photo or for the comment.

I understand that what I did was wrong, and I genuinely feel bad that he had to deal with that.  I can see how it can be taken as not respecting his place and maybe his feelings of irritation were heightened especially bc Stuart warned him about the issue with my hair and they probably feel like I don’t clean up after myself and don’t respect them. If this were a repeated issue with the underwear, I would understand his frustration more. But I think this was clearly an honest accident and I feel like the response — taking a photo, sharing it, and calling me a “hoe” — crossed a line.

My boyfriend understands why I’m upset, but he feels this is between me and Dan to“hash it out.” He says he’s upset with both of us and believes we’re equally wrong and disrespectful. Although I understand his feelings somewhat, I still can’t shake the feeling that I feel like the situations aren’t equal. My wrongdoing was careless but unintentional and I never mean to disrespect anyone, but his response felt intentionally humiliating and on a different level of disrespect. 

I don’t want to cause issues this early in the relationship or make my boyfriend feel stuck in the middle, especially since this is his family. At the same time, I feel like I didn’t deserve that and want my bf to establish that I can’t be talked to like that. I don’t want him to get mad or yell but just say “hey I love you and she should have been more careful but it’s never okay to speak to/treat my gf like that”. I’m just feeling a bit alone. Me and Dan are not close like friends for him to just do this and call me out like that and my relationship is so new with my bf that I feel like he disrespected my bf too (his own cousin) by not trying to handle this more peacefully. Who calls their family member’s gf a hoe like that and publicly shame them? What if this caused me to break up with him? Wouldn’t my bf be upset too? I could never imagine doing something like this to my brother’s gf and would not tolerate if my family said anything disrespectful to my bf but idk.. maybe what I did was so wrong for me to deserve this? I’m really confused and unsure😣. I spoke to an outside friend who has never met any of them and she thinks that he is insane and is out for blood but my bf’s reaction is making me rethink if I’m being unreasonable.

AITAH for accidentally leaving my underwear there, feeling upset about how it was handled, and wanting my boyfriend to set a boundary that this kind of behavior toward me isn’t okay?
","Wow your BFs brother/cousin really is jealous of the time you spend with his brother.... Hair, if they have a mother, is something they should be able to deal with.

Dude definitely found a pair of your underwear somewhere to plant to make this into a bigger thing because he found no hair this time.

\*I got Dan and Stuart mixed up. Dan is still a fucking creep."
WIBTAH if I told my flatmate not to cook at midnight?,"So I’m in a brand new flatshare (moved in 15 days ago) and my room is right off the living room / kitchen and the walls are super thin so I can everything that happens outside my room with crystal clarity. Closing the door does not help - it’s like I’m sitting in the kitchen/living room when someone is in there. 

So, it’s 00:13 right now and I’m about to sleep as I have to go into the office and my flatmate has just come out of her room to cook her dinner. 

She’s not being extra loud or noisy, it’s just by virtue of being in the kitchen at this time I can hear her every move (like I can hear the rice boiling😭) and it’s making it so hard to sleep. To make matters worse my room lets in the smell of the cooking.

We were in a flatshare together previously and she used to cook late then too but that was fine as the walls were more sound proof and my room was far from the kitchen. In this new place though, cooking this late is really bothersome due to the walls and position of my room. 

As she’s used to doing this though and it’s only the first time of her cooking late in this new flat I’m not sure if bringing this up is going to be too harsh or if I should nip it in the bud asap. 


WIBTA if I tell her to not cook this late at night?","White noise machine. Earplugs. Maybe even just a fan would help. 

It’s unfortunate, but you did know she cooked late already, so this isn’t new behavior or a surprise."
AITAH for getting mad at my partner?,"Okay so for context, he really wanted a child, I was unsure since I was just starting a new job and didn’t have much money. He owned his own company making pretty good money so he told me we would be okay. I worked until the day I went into labour. He almost mist the birth cause he was working. Then I went on maternity leave to take care of our child. She is three now and instead of going back to work he wanted me to work for him. We put her in daycare and I have the responsibility of picking her up and dropping her off everyday, plus making both my husbands and my breakfasts & lunches, then after I’m done work (blue collar work from 6-5 (only end early to pick up my child) I need to make dinner and then watch my 3 year old until it’s time to get a bath (which I do) and then I put her to bed. They are done eating before I even start since I need to clean up the dishes I made, I need to feed the dog, I’ve done all the chores (clean the carpet, wash floors, wash bathroom, dishes, etc) and he’s mad because I asked him to drive to me a dentist appointment tomorrow to get my wisdom teeth removed. He said he will be to busy cause he has to now take care of him daughter and he’s mad since he can’t focus on his sleep. (Mind you I work with him full time in the summer but can’t in the winter cause he works at night)(also in the summer I still do all the same things but instead of being home I work all the time) so am I the asshole? Or am I just a tired mother trying to push blame when I should do better? Sometimes I think I’m a horrible mom but my daughter always asks for me and doesn’t want any hugs or anything from her dad, (also I work for him for free, he doesn’t pay me, he says if he pays me I better find a way to figure out how to make up the rest of the half of rent, obviously I can’t do that when parenting.) ",This sounds like a bigger issue than just a “AITAH” ..
WIBTAH if I didn’t tell my parents I was moving till last minute like day of or day before,"I (19F) feel absolutely like shit right now trying to figure out how I’m gonna deliver the news to my parents about the fact that I have a place to stay now. Honestly panicking about the whole thing and wondering whether I’d be in the wrong or not if I did that. I was thinking of being straight up about the situation but even that I don’t know how to do, and I attempted to do so over call with my mom this afternoon but the words would honestly not come out. 

When I was younger I got a lot more along with them and was willing to be open to them about things but as the years have gone by they’ve shown me how outrageously crazy they can get in certain situations. Even when I do dumb shit which at times I get it, it’s fine to lecture but there’s certain ways to handle situations and violence is not that. But at this point in time I’ve learned that they clearly aren’t very understanding of that idea so I likely don’t think I’d be able to negotiate with them in any situation. 

Help of any kind would honestly be great. ",NTA. Go to the National Domestic Violence website and look up how to plan to leave safely. Get your important documents out first. You don't have to tell them til you're gone if you don't feel safe. Do it when they are not home. Get a friend to help you. You can even ask for a police escort to help you get ypur things out. Stay safe 
WIBTAH for moving home knowing that my mom and I are going to constantly fight about food,"I got laid off from my job as a software engineer about a year ago and am about to run out of EI. I haven't been able to find anything in my field after applying to thousands of jobs across all levels, industries, and locations. I've tried anything from mass applying, to customizing with LLMs, to hand writing resumes and cover letters that are tailored to the roles, but don't hear back.

I have picked up a job but it pays minimum wage and I'm not getting enough hours to cover my rent, even without other expenses included. I currently rent an illegal ""bedroom"" with no windows in a 1 bedroom + den that I share with a roommate, but it is still not enough to cover it. I've asked for more hours and have been picking up any shifts I can but it's not enough.

My mom has invited me to move home since I'm going to run out of money soon, but we always fight about food. She has a decent number of dietary restrictions and for a while only ate raw vegetables. In that time she became obsessed with food and nutrition, but to me it's clearly an eating disorder masked as health and environmental concerns.

When I was a teenager I would go days without eating a full meal until I was old enough to work. This led to some serious health issues down the road.

She is generally still vegetarian, but does eat meat on occasion. When she is not eating meat she expects everyone around her to also not eat meat and forbids it to be in the house. She claims it's because she cares about her health and mine, but when we hash it out she admits that it's about losing weight. 

She will often only eat an apple, maybe some nuts for breakfast, skip lunch, and have a salad for dinner, if anything. Last time I went home, the fridge was broken and she didn't fix it for weeks. The cupboards have had a moth infestation for years with no recourse. 

I would respect her vegetarianism if it were just that and there were reasonable meals at home, but it goes so much further and it's hard to even buy my own things without them going bad or being contaminated. I also don't find it fair for her to impose her vegetarianism onto me when she eats meat on occasion.","*it's hard to even buy my own things without them going bad or being contaminated.*

...what? Why? A mini fridge and lots of plastic would probably help keep your food safe"
AITAH for being upset that my girlfriend isn’t going to the dance with me?,"Some background information, I (F) (not using ages but we’re both in high school and nobody in this story is a freshman) have been dating my girlfriend (let’s call her Rosie) for ten months now. This is neither of our first relationship, although I’m not sure that matters.

This past October, it was homecoming season. We went together, since we’d been dating since March (obviously?). Since then, we’ve been saying (in passing) how excited we are for Winter formal, especially Rosie. She kept a saying how she’s excited to have someone to go with because last year she third wheeled her best friend on her date.

Winter formal is now next Friday.

Yesterday, during a class, one of our mutual friends was talking about how she has nobody to go with, and I explained why I wouldn’t invite her to come with me and she agreed that she wouldn’t want to third wheel (I was assuming me and Rosie are going together, even though we technically hadn’t made an official plan yet). Later, at lunch, I told Rosie how I almost asked Ruby (the friend from earlier) to come with us and told her why I didn’t. I specifically said “I didn’t because I figured she wouldn’t want to third wheel us, I assumed we’d go on a date or something like that beforehand. 

(basically, I got the impression we’d get ready together, go on a date, go to the dance, and then ride home together because that’s the thing to do for couples going to school dances. That’s what you do. Everybody thinks it’s weird that we aren’t going together [myself included] but I digress)

She then went on to talk about how awful it was to third wheel (mostly joking, it’s just something we talk about. I’m not sure why.) Said girlfriend’s-best-friend was at the table with us at the time when I said this, by the way.

Then, next class, me, Rosie, and some friends were hanging out outside (we basically had a free period, so we were out in the courtyard) and Rosie’s best friend (aforementioned, let’s call her Olive) says “I’m going to take your girlfriend for winter formal” She tells me this anytime they hang out, we’re all friends, it’s a normal sentence.

I say, “for, or to?” Because I am under the impression that me and my girlfriend are going together.

She says both. I look at Rosie. Rosie tells me that they’re going together, specifically doesn’t invite me by the way. I kind of joked it off about how I’m ‘going stag’ or whatever, and she keeps insisting we’ll see each other at the dance.

I can’t tell if I’m being controlling but this feels like. I don’t know. I’m hurt, this feels really rude. I’m going to the dance alone, getting ready alone, seeing people there (but everyone will be in established groups because they’re going together) and then leaving on my own.

That feels weird.

You tell me, am I being controlling and weird? AITAH for being upset here? I haven’t honestly brought it up to Rosie and I don’t plan to, not really looking for advice. I just can’t tell if I’m in the wrong here.

AITAH?","Did either of you ever officially ask each other to go? I lean towards ESH. You shouldn't just assume your gf knew plans that you didn't clearly communicate, and she should've told you about her plans sooner and/or could've asked if you were going to make plans together. Neither of you communicated very well."
AITAH for rejecting someone,"Sorry for grammer mistakes, I've been in a bit of rush.

So this guy (let's call him John) has liked me for a while. I've known he's liked me for quite some time as well. I'm not really close with John and don't even talk to him often. John also talks to my friends, and talks about me to them all the time. John often asks my friend group if he could ever have a chance with me. They all say no. He's just personally not my preference and I dont know him well.

Where this story really starts is a few months ago. Another guy (Porter) liked me for only a little while and it wasn't much of a big deal. Unfortunately, recently John found out about this, and got super possessive when talking to my friends. He then texts me, ""Yo, I heard that Porter liked you, what's up with that?"" I reply saying I don't understand why it would concern him. He tells me that he was just bored and didn't mean anything by it. So, I tell him that I am sure that he wasn't just bored, and I know that there has to be a reason he asked.

The next time my phone buzzes my heart drops. There on my phone is a extremely long paragraph of a love confession (for the second time btw). He follows this paragraph with another of how he thinks I'm very beautiful. The way he describes me makes me super uncomfortable, so I just tell him that I like someone else. He responds with a ""Seriously, that's it?"" I just say, ""yeah"". John starts talking about how I didn't answer his question. I say what question. He avoids telling me what the question if for a while until he finally tells me. The question is ""would you give me a shot?"" I thought my answer was clear, I like somebody else, right? I tell him that I dont like him back. John replys to me rejection with a, ""Have a good life"" and, ""Have fun chasing the guy you like."" That was the last thing I heard from him.

Meanwhile I'm getting screenshot from my friend (Sarah) of texts with John. He says, I can't believe that was her response, I pour my heart out and she doesnt even say l, ""That's sweet"" or that I'm nice. Was I supposed to complement him? My answer was almost as plain as no. Later on John texts Sarah that he is everything I could ever want and begins to list a bunch of reasons why I should like him. Sarah, tells him that he's being creepy and he need to stop but he doesn't listen​.

The next day he talks to my friends about how I rejected him and they all seemed creeped out about what he was texting me. Throughout the day my friends have told me things he's said about me that were insanely inappropriate. So far everyone has been on my side, but he thinks I was harsh with my responses. He says that I ruined his reputation and people think he's perverted.

So reddit, AITAH for the way I rejected John?","NTA, you dont owe John anything, and it seems like you dodged a bullet with how he reacted to being rejected"
AITAH for feeling uncomfortable with the financial pressure and outside influence around my friend’s bridal shower?,"I (F, late 20s) am one of five bridesmaids for my friend **Lena** (27, turning 28 soon). Her Maid of Honor is her sister **Maya** (26). The other bridesmaids are **Sofia** (28), **Ava** (23, the groom’s sister), and **Karen** (40s, the bride’s coworker).

For additional context, Sofia and I have been close friends with Lena since high school (over 13 years). We care deeply about her, which is why this situation has been difficult to watch unfold.

Lena is a people pleaser and very sensitive to others’ opinions. She avoids conflict and often goes along with suggestions to keep the peace, even if it later causes stress.

Originally, when Maya presented her plan for the bridal shower, Lena explicitly said she trusted her and was okay with the plan — “I trust you” were her exact words. At that time, Lena did not express wanting a venue or any major changes.

We are going on a bachelorette cruise in less than a week, which was planned months ago. The total cost came out to about $1,200 per person, which included covering Lena’s share of the trip. Four of us (myself, Maya, Sofia, and Ava) split and covered her fare.

Karen initially declined the trip because she felt it was too expensive and suggested an alternative that would have cost more than the cruise. She also stated that if she did attend, she didn’t think she should have to contribute toward covering Lena’s portion. In the end, Karen did not attend the cruise and did not contribute to Lena’s share.

**Bridal Shower Planning**

Maya took the lead on planning the bridal shower with the intention of keeping it intimate and budget-conscious, especially after the significant cruise expenses. One option was hosting it at home, which would be more personal and significantly cheaper.

Last week, Lena and Maya had a serious argument that escalated into a physical altercation, largely because invitations hadn’t been sent yet even though the shower is scheduled for March. Lena wanted more involvement in the planning, while Maya wanted it to be a surprise and handle it so Lena wouldn’t feel stressed.

Maya sent the invitations last Thursday, and the two later had a long conversation where they seemed to resolve things.

However, shortly after that conversation, Lena went to work and received negative feedback from coworkers, including Karen, about the invitations. They said the invites looked “cheap,” didn’t match Lena’s aesthetic, and even accused Maya of sabotaging her sister’s bridal shower.

After those conversations at work, Lena began expressing that she actually wanted a venue and had different expectations for the shower — expectations that had not been communicated earlier when Maya asked directly and was given her trust.

**Financial & Emotional Pressure**

Karen strongly advocated for:

•	Renting an Italian restaurant venue

•	Spending $1,500–$2,000 on décor, cake, and extras

•	Splitting costs evenly ($300–$400 per person)

•	Comparing the cost to what people spend on hair, nails, and waxing

Karen framed this as “just playing devil’s advocate,” while repeatedly implying that not spending this amount would mean Lena wasn’t being properly celebrated.

Later, Karen said she wanted to gift the venue to Lena. However, this was after prolonged insistence that a venue was necessary, which still set expectations for a higher-end shower overall.

Some financial realities:

•	Maya works slightly above minimum wage

•	Ava works while going to school

•	Sofia is pregnant and planning her own baby shower while going to grad school

•	I am also in school & have three weddings to attend this year (where I am also a bridesmaid of)

Karen and Lena’s coworkers earn significantly more and repeatedly stated that “money shouldn’t be an issue,” which felt dismissive of the rest of the group’s financial realities.

**Why I’m Uncomfortable**

I did try to gently express my concerns to Lena. I acknowledged that it is her wedding and that she deserves to be celebrated. At the same time, I asked her to be mindful that most of her bridesmaids do not earn the same income she does, particularly her sister and sister-in-law, who are younger and still building their careers.

Lena works as a nurse and earns more than most of the bridal party. I don’t believe this is intentional, but it does feel like there’s a disconnect in expectations. When coworkers—who earn similar incomes—criticize plans as “cheap” or push for more expensive options, it seems to raise the standard of what’s considered acceptable.

What concerns me is that the pressure doesn’t appear to be coming from what Lena genuinely wanted initially, but rather from wanting to meet the expectations or approval of her coworkers. It creates the sense that spending more money automatically equals a better celebration, even when the added cost doesn’t meaningfully improve the experience.

I truly believe a bridal shower can be beautiful, thoughtful, and special without being extravagant, and that expensive does not always mean better. I also don’t think it’s fair for financial strain to be normalized or brushed off simply because some people can afford it more easily.

I’m trying to support Lena while also advocating for fairness and consideration for everyone involved. Right now, it feels like the focus has shifted from celebrating her to managing stress, finances, and outside opinions.

So… ***AITA for feeling uncomfortable with the financial pressure, income imbalance, and outside influence surrounding this bridal shower?***

***What's the best way to handle this with a bachelorette trip coming up in a few days?***

We're leaving for the bachelorette cruise in less than five days. One of the bridesmaids (the youngest) doesn't know about the recent drama, and we'd prefer to keep her out of it.

The issue is that a few of us who are aware of what's been going on are feeling emotionally off because of everything that's happened. We want to support the bride, but we also don't want the tension to spill over and affect the trip.

***What's the healthiest way to handle this so the cruise doesn't get overshadowed by unresolved feelings?***

***——————————————————————————***

**UPDATE:**

After I made my original post, there was more discussion within the bridal party, mainly led by Karen.

She shared that after doing her own research and math, she now expects the bridal shower to cost around $300 per person, noting that this is the high end and that she plans to try to get better pricing where possible.

She broke down the expected costs as:

•	A cake estimated around $200–$300

•	A photo wall/balloon arch estimated around $500–$600

•	Additional costs for centerpieces, shower favors, games, prizes, and still a separate gift for the bride

She emphasized that many of these costs would exist regardless of venue choice, and stated that not using a venue actually saved money by removing the need for food, drink stations, serving supplies, and extra setup/cleanup time.

Karen also suggested that when we return from the bachelorette cruise, the bridal party should meet in person and assign specific roles (for example: one person responsible for the cake, others for decor, etc.) so that individuals feel more directly responsible for the costs tied to their assigned tasks. She believes this will help keep spending controlled and avoid last-minute expenses, which she pointed out usually cost more.

**\*NOTE : No Venue Has Been Booked\***

While I appreciate the attempt to organize and clarify costs, I’m still feeling uneasy because:

•	The estimated cost per person is still high given recent expenses

•	Assigning individual “ownership” of purchases feels like another way of locking people into costs they may not be comfortable with

•	This conversation is happening just days before we leave for the bachelorette cruise, when emotions already feel strained

We’re leaving for the cruise in less than five days, and while some of us are trying to compartmentalize and enjoy the trip, the timing and ongoing budget discussions are making that difficult.

I still want the focus to be on celebrating the bride, but I’m unsure how to move forward in a way that doesn’t create more stress or resentment — especially with the trip so close.","NTA. Tell the maid of honor (sister) that you’re excited to contribute for the wedding day essentials - dress, hair, makeup, and will otherwise be saving money for your other life expenses. The bachelorette was enough.

For a bridal shower - let the sister and bride’s immediate family control it and cover all costs. Lena should back off, she isn’t the MOH, let Maya - the sister and MOH - do all shower planning and also cover it 100% herself or ask her parents (aka the brides parents) to pitch in financially if needed. It’s odd to ask friends to cover the costs of the shower. This should be done by family."
Aitah for not speaking to my dad or his partner anymore despite my siblings,"I apologize for the length of this and I’m gonna do my best to be as clear and short as possible but some details are definitely important. I (21F) refuse to talk to my stepdad. So I guess let’s start back when it really started. In August of last year my parents split after 16 years of marriage. He swears he never cheated but he is with a new girlfriend ( who was in a committed relationship with mine and my parents good friend for two years and she cheated with my dad) this is only slightly relevant to the situation at hand. After the fact mine and his relationship was pretty rocky as I didn’t agree with the choices he made. I made the effort to reach out to him and tried to repair what we had. In my mind it was going okay. I still was upset about what happened but he’s been my dad since I was four and I didn’t want to lose that.cut to a week before Xmas. I don’t want to go into all the details but one night around 11pm I had to call him so we could go help out a family member he was the only option to help at the time and so he picked me up. All downhill from there, he was plastered. He was falling asleep swerving etc.,etc. I begged him to let me drive and he screamed at me to “get my sh** together”,that I was “the worst person to have in this situation”, offered to drop me off on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, and told me when we finished helping said person that he was done with me. Not to mention that his solution to the issue at hand was picking up more people (including minors) and taking them back in the car with him. We thankfully made it to our destination resolved the situation we came to resolve and I refused to ride back home with him. At Christmas the next week I spoke exactly two words to him and that was it. I have not and do not plan to speak with him again, but although my siblings have been told what he put me through they still spend time with him and talk to him. Am I the ah for cutting him off and not giving him another chance? Or should I be done with him and ignore the protests from other people?","One of my (35M) biggest lessons growing up was learning that grown-ups are people too, and even though he’s been a big part of your life growing up, the decisions he is making and behaviour are disrespectful to you and others. Sometimes we have to let go of those who are hurtful, not because you don’t love them, but because you need to love yourself more."
AITAH for not wanting to talk about my mother's feelings with her?,"Every since I was a little girl, my mother would approach me and ask me if I loved her more then my father. I always said yes because when I didn't she was sad, which I didn't want. So I just continued on doing this, for it made her mood slightly better. Then when we moved from an apartment  to family house where in had my own room, she started to come more often. Searching reassurance that I love her, sometimes she would even stay in my room over night crying to me how she wanted to get a divorce. So since the year 2023 I've been begging my mother to move out from the house and that she should get the divorce she's always wanted. She was hesitant at first, but we did it. We moved out after finding a one bedroom apartment in 2024. I wasn't mad or anything that there was only one bedroom, cause she promised that in two months she'd go sleep on the couch and that that room would be mine. So we shared the room and a bed. I wasn't complaining, but you can only imagine a 16 year old without any privacy. So I started to be a little upset about it, but I never said anything I let it be. But as the time went it wasn't really a good thing that we shared the same room and a bed. We started to have fights more often because of stupid things. She would get more and more upset over the time, and always told me about her feelings and everything. I was her rock, never complained just stood there and took it. It started to get heavy at some point, cause I had Noone to share it with. My friends couldn't really understand the situation and my sister with my father weren't talking to me very much. As her feelings progressed and she always felt the need to tell me, I closed of more and more. Not sharing how I felt about anything, because I always thought she had it worse. But over time, I told her that I cannot handle it. Her always complaining about my sister's behavior and all(my sister is a spoiled brat). And somewhere at the start of summer 25 she started to become suicidal. I was helping her through it all, trying my best, but at the same time I needed more time for myself, because I needed to process it. And at that point my relationship with my father was better, but I couldn't tell him cause then he'd use it against me and id have to go live with him. So I never said anything, to him or my friends. Throughout the rest of the year it was still happening, me stopping her form killing herself and as that was happening I felt like worse and worse. It felt unfair to me that I have to deal with a suicidal mother and my sister doenst. I felt more and more agitated to the point that we fought almost every single day. 
At some point she moved from the room to the living room, because she was snoring loudly and I could function properly throughout my day, she went there willingly I told her not to, but she said its fine, I knew it wasn't but I didn't complain cause I really needed some rest. After some time everytime we got into a fight she would bring up the fact that she's sleeping on a couch and that she's loser. And went i told her that she should go back to sleeping in the room with me again she denied. So after few months we got into a fight, again. She told me that I'm a liar, that I dont love her because I dont even hug her, and that she wishes the worst to me and my sister. Just because I didn't text her something that I wanted to tell her eye to eye, I thought it was reasonable but I guess it wasn't. And then she got mad at me that I dont want to hear how she feels, but at this point, I've been hearing for more then a year. I'm a 17 year old girl, that has to take care of a suicidal mother because she doesn't want her to die, but the same mother always tells her she doesn't love her or that my father nor sister love me. Which only feeds my thoughts of being unlovable. And I guess I just need to know if, my actions are bad or understandable. Like I feel bad for her feeling like I dont love her, but at this point after so many years of feeling like my family doesn't love and not being able to express my feelings, I feel like I dont own her anything. But the thoughts of not owning her anything makes me feel sick to my stomach and hate myself. Am I the asshole? (Also sorry if there are spelling mistakes, im dislexic and not native, im writing my thoughts so i hope it makes sense)","Ok first you are NOT the ahole.

None of this should be on you, and should have never been on you. Adult problems nerd adult help. Tell your father, or call your mother’s family and tell them. She needs serious help. Help that you cannot provide and shouldn’t have to. 

You might need to move in with your father or another family member until your mother gets the help she needs. However with you being 17 it won’t be long till you can go to college/uni. It also sounds like you could benefit from some therapy as well.

What you have with your mother I believe it is called enmeshment and it can be very toxic."
"AITAH for being upset, even though the friendship breakup was my fault?","A lot of relevant background: I (26m) have bipolar disorder, and I also had encephalitis when I was 18. I lost my childhood memories. I never doubted when my parents told me they were my parents but I never felt love for them. I lost my ability to associate emotions to memories. It really messed up how my brain functions, specially emotions. My limbic system is all messed up and I have extreme episodes of mania and depression. Enter “James” who I met when I moved next door to him. James is about 9 years older than me. Long story short, after about a year of knowing him, we became real friends. He was my best friend and has been the only person I felt real, familial love for (nothing homosexual, no hate it’s just not what the situation was). I told him about my brain issues and that I had these deep feelings. He seemed really receptive and said he understood. The past 5ish years, I’ve kept a pretty good handle on things. I caught an attitude with him sometimes but he always forgave me and we always got through it. 
Recently, I had a full on manic episode and James got the brunt of it. I did fuck up pretty bad. There’s no excuse. I was negligent about monitoring my symptoms. James completely ignored me for 2 days then informed me he was moving away and that I needed professional help (he already knew I see a psychiatrist). 
Again, I totally get it. I neglected to manage my issues and James was unfairly caught up in it. As for the episode itself relating to him, I basically got drunk and chastised him for going to hang out with people he talked shit about a lot (moral absolutism was one of my inflated convictions during this episode). I definitely seemed jealous of his other friends. He said I was acting like a girlfriend. But I wasn’t upset about his other friends, I was upset he went to hang out with people he talked shit to me about. I handed him a knife and said “just kill me already since you basically already did.” He took the knife from me and laughed. I then passed out. I understand and agree that I would have absolutely no right to be upset with James, except I explicitly told him about my issues, about how he was the only person I ever trusted to the extent I did, and that he was my only friend in the world and I considered him family. Do I have a right to be upset? It doesn’t really matter, we no longer speak. Well, he still talks to me when he sees me around but I shut it down every time. If I traumatized him so much why would he want to talk to me at all anymore? I just feel bad about feeling upset sometimes.  ","You aren't an AH for your feelings, but this is the consequences of your own actions."
AITAH for asking my family to help pay for me to visit them?,"I moved to California about 10 years ago. My family lives in Pennsylvania. I have flown to see them dozens of times over the years. My best guess is 30 times. I was a flight attendant for 3 years of those years, so the cost of flying was not an issue those times. I’m no longer a FA now and I don’t make a lot of money. I’m trying to save for a house and for retirement. My parents chip in $100 here and there to help with flight costs, which I am very grateful for. And they have flown out to see me 4 times over the years. My 2 brothers have never flown out to see me, but they do have kids now so I partially understand. I don’t have kids. My brothers and their spouses aren’t raking in the money, but they have houses and stable jobs and it’s cheaper in Pennsylvania. I’m just a little jaded because it’s always me using my vacation time and paying most of the way to see my family. I understand I am the one who moved away and therefore paying to see them is my burden, but I honestly don’t think I can keep affording this - especially when I get a house. My idea was for me, my parents, and my brothers to cover the cost for me to see them 3 ways. They seemed like I was out of hand for requesting such an idea.. Am I the asshole? ",If you can’t afford to do it then don’t visit them.
AITAH for cutting off a friend after trying to emotionally support everyone and getting blamed?,"I (22M) recently cut off a close friend (22F) and I’m not sure if I’m the asshole.

For context, she comes from a very toxic family and isn’t allowed to date. Because of this, she relies heavily on external love and validation from friends and relationships. She dated my close friend (23M) for 9 months. I was never really supportive of the relationship because it felt unhealthy and risky for the friend group. My friend became emotionally dependent on her and even started borrowing money from me just to please her.

When they broke up, I initially felt relieved, but then found out it wasn’t because they were incompatible, it was because her mom found out about the relationship. She said she still wanted to be friends with him, but her version of “friends” was acting like they were still dating without the label. This made him uncomfortable and gave him mixed signals. At one point, he even went to her campus uninvited just to see her (which I found creepy and concerning).

I became the bridge between them, trying to set boundaries and calm things down. I supported both of them emotionally, bought gifts, made sure the friend group stayed together, and tried to keep everyone okay. Less than a month later, she started dating someone new. This made her ex spiral even more. She hid her IG stories from him so he wouldn’t get hurt, but when he found out, he felt betrayed.

At this point, I focused more on helping him move on journaling, hanging out, supporting him. Meanwhile, she vented to me about missing her ex and having problems with her new boyfriend. I even helped her communicate better with her new partner. Eventually, her new relationship improved, but seeing her happy again hurt her ex.

She then started saying that me and others were villainizing her and that we never cared about her. When I checked in on her, she snapped and said I never gave a shit about her. I listed all the things I’d done to support her. She didn’t reply (which she often does).

Later, she messaged me saying everything was her fault, that she ruined the friend group and her ex. I tried reassuring her. Then she blamed me for “letting things happen” and said we all treated her badly. I pointed out that I always tried to reach out but she ignored me. She said answering texts was her last priority and that none of us knew what she was going through.

I got frustrated and sent a long message calling out her contradictions and telling her she needed to appreciate her friends and communicate. She told me that if we didn’t want to be her friends, we could all just walk away. I didn't know what to respond so I just said I hoped she would grow as a person.

She then replied with that I’d never understand her, that it was pointless to explain. I lost my temper and told her she was shooting herself in the foot by pushing people away. I suggested therapy but she rejected it unless it involved medication. She then asked if this was because of the breakup, If so, let her ex be the one who talks to her. I told her that this wasn’t just about the breakup anymore it was about her being a shitty friend.

I then asked what she truly wanted from us. She replied with *“There’s no point in asking for help when I have nothing to offer anyone.”*  
  
At that point, I felt completely drained and decided to stop being her friend. But now I feel guilty and wonder if I should’ve tried harder.

AITAH for walking away?",NTA but I think you should learn from this experience. Stay out of people's relationships. Let it unfold naturally. Perhaps saying she needs therapy was a bit mean.
AITAH for Getting Upset Over a Comment My Boyfriend Left Under Another Girl's Instagram Post,"I (31f) have been with my boyfriend (30m) for almost two years now but we have known each other since we were kids. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant with his baby so I am not sure if I'm right in feeling upset or if it's just the pregnancy hormones. Today I was doom scrolling on all my social media accounts and decided to check my Instagram account. I noticed that I had some notifications so I checked them and saw that my boyfriend had commented on a friend of his post. I open the notification and he had commented on a post where the friend in question only has a tee shirt on. His comment was two heart eye emojis, a fire emoji and a heart emoji. All the years I've known him, he has never once commented anything like that on any of my pictures. I feel heartbroken as he knows I am VERY insecure about my looks. I don't know if I should confront him about this so AITAH for getting upset about his comment?","It is not pregnancy hormones. I hate how women have been conditioned to doubt their initial gut reactions. I'm sorry to say that it is time to have a conversation with your boyfriend. This isn't an isolated incident, is just the first you've seen. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this."
WIBTAH if I decided to do a petty thing?,"My gym has a large locker room with many lockers in which you bring your own lock for securing your personal items. Each day I go in and open up a locker to put my belongings in only to find that it's already full but no lock (which would indicate it's on use and secure the person's things. No big deal. Except that, after opening 99% of them finding the same, hoodies, sweatpants, etc and no lock on these doors it becomes a huge frustration. I've often thought to myself, if they're not going to lock up their stuff then I might as well free it up myself. The cynical side of me wants to remove all of the belongings from unlocked lockers and just put them in a pile for people to have fun with when they come back to the lockers. Would this be justice? Or teaching folks a lesson? Or WIBTAH? Thanks!",YWBTA. find a different locker. Justice for what? They haven't done anything wrong.
AITAH for not engaging in fake behavior to appease my in-laws,"My (33F) fiancé (32M) comes from a very chaotic family: an alcoholic mom, an avoidant / emotionally distant dad, and constant fighting at nearly every gathering. I try to stay neutral, but over the years his mom has made several passive-aggressive & straight up aggressive comments toward me, so I mostly keep my guard up. Mind you, these comments didn’t garnish more than a sniff from most family members (half hearted condolences, zero accountability, shrugs all around). 

I try to just be cordial with everyone, although I have gotten close with my SIL, who married into this family before me and understands the dynamic from a “outsiders perspective”. 

The issue is my fiancé’s youngest sibling’s girlfriend, who’s been around about 3 years.
We don’t have much in common (she’s in her early 20s, generally reserved behavior, big party phase of life). That alone doesn’t bother me but she consistently avoids interacting at family events. Instead of talking in a group, or with some of the women on the side, even when invited, she’ll stay with the men chatting about sports while clearly not enjoying it. It’s odd, but not overly offensive, and just feels a little crappy that she’s never wanted to really get to know me or SIL. As a result, we’ve kept things polite but surface-level. 

In the last year, the youngest sibling’s behavior has changed—withdrawn, angsty, and glued to her. Ever since they moved in together. We’ve also heard her make disrespectful comments about him in front of family (calling him a pussy for getting drunk quickly, or poking fun at how little he eats- which he likely has an ED). The biggest red flag was her openly admitting to being on a dating app “for fun” while in a relationship with him. Several of us found this concerning, but decided not to interfere and just offer youngest sibling some support, which was brushed off.

Around that same time, SIL had her own negative experience with this girlfriend, that caused tension in SIL’s marriage. Maybe I’m biased, but I just can’t see how her part in that was anything other than intentional. 

Because of all this, I stopped going out of my way to include or engage with her during family outings. She’s not the type of person to say hi, greet you with a hug, or ask how it’s going. So I just started acting similarly. I’m still polite, if she wants to talk to me I’ll talk back, I’m just not fake or going out of my to include her or try to force something that doesn’t want to bloom. Apparently this was noticed, and my future FIL told my fiancé that me and SIL are being “not inclusive” toward her and he wants to see changed behavior. Since when do we stick up for people in this family??? I digress. 

My fiancé doesn’t want to explain the real reasons to his dad, so it was brushed off. Now I’m frustrated because I feel like I’m being painted as a bully when I’m just choosing not to fake friendliness toward someone I don’t trust and who wouldn’t give me their pocket lint to keep warm. 

AITAH for keeping my distance / protecting my energy instead of pretending everything’s fine to keep the peace that doesn’t really exist in the first place?
","Ok I need to know what she did to SILs marriage tho!😱

When you say it was not unnoticed, do we think that the father-in-law is saying this because he specifically he noticed or do we think that she said something to him or she said something to the youngest sibling and then he said something to father?  I only ask because honestly, I’m very much like you. It’s just not worth the energy to be like fake and go out of your way but you’re still willing to be polite and cordial, and my instinct would be like talk to the girl one on one, but I mean it sounds like maybe she’s a manipulative and she would intentionally mistake that kind of directness as like you trying to be intimidating instead of you coming to her out of respect as an adult.   I still think it’s worth talking to her directly because there’s absolutely no benefit to having her message filtered through father-in-law and then you wanting to respond but then again having your message filtered through father-in-law and I guess I understand why it’s especially confusing since you’re like since when do people stick up for people in that family but maybe it’s because she spoke up and you never have.   I dunno.   This is murky."
AITAH because I want him to stop drinking?,"Hello everyone, 

for context: my partner and I lived together,  until he moved out last year June, so he could be closer (2 instead of 8 minutes) to his kids from a former relationship with an abusive partner. He basically fled from our home. This idea came after his friends there (next village) told him, that he should come by more often and his mother pressured him to live on his own.

Well, he insists I stay over night at his apartment, because he fears he could hurt himself. I agreed to that, because I know or at least thought he be depressive. 

Ever since he is drinking daily in his or his ""friends"" garage. He lies about drinking, he lies about where he is, he finds every excuse not to spent one evening with me. He does, but just if I literally fight for it, or if he is horny. He knows no sex if he is drunk. 

So, in the end, he is getting drunk day by day and still doesn't do a thing about to see his kids more often (even though they asked him for help, because of their abusive mother). Instead I'm cut low on money, being locked into the apartment or he ""by accident"" always ""needs"" to hold on me (physically) violently (because he is tumbling), when I'm telling him ""either me or the beer"". His friends feed him with ideas like the annoying wife and so on.
If he is drunk he is insulting and disrespectful.

But just if he is drunk. Clear in his mind, he is a total different person. At least he was one.

So: AITAH because I want him to stop drinking?

",YTA for staying in this relationship.
AITAH for not wanting to give my mom my credit card.,"Sorry for possible mistakes,  English is not my first language. 
I (26 female) have a difficult relationship with my parents (48 female and 49 male) and grandparents (65 female and 74 male), especially after i started dating my now husband (25 male). They controlled every step of my life, told me what to do, and if I did something like I wanted,  they guilted me, screamed at me and after that - ignored me, but it's not a story for now.
They never let me get my own credit card, like really, I wasn't allowed to have it, also they always ""knew better"" about what I have to do with my money, with money that I've been paid at my job (I am an accountant.) I'm not a conflict person, so I did everything I could,  to not cause one.
When I started dating my husband,  the out of blue, they hated him. So I stopped talking to my family.  Of course they started to blame me, and my husband, and start to tell everyone that I'm brat.  That all get my depression worst. And I was taking meds for 2 years. They even, practically threw us out of the apartment where we started to live (and I lived there for more than 10 years, where i also with my parents made reconditioning with there and my money,  but than theytold me that i didn't pay for anything and did nothing at all). For two years we were renting apartments, and trying to figure all out. But once they decided to make peace with us, and we decided to go with it. They even suggested that we can live in my aunts house (who passed away not so long ago), but there were no water, no heating system and etc.
So me and my husband made all we could to make that house more liveable, that means we had to borrow money from a bank to make this happen. I won't tell the amount of the chalk (around 3-4k).  But for 1 month we made that house very liveable, and moved there.  
Now my mom has a huge problem with that debet, and want that I gave her MY credit card, so she could pay OUR debt, cause apparently she can't live with that, and me and my husband wouldn't be allowed to use that card at all, although we are still doing repairs there (heating, electricity, construction work, etc.). And she said that when everything is paid off, I should close my credit account in the bank and never use credit funds again under any circumstances. Only except to borrow money from my parents (if they have the opportunity to give it). My husband and I don't earn so much that we can do the construction and pay utilities and be able to buy at least basic food with that money. And these quarrels and moves (4 moves in 2 years) are already getting tiring. And that's exactly why we had a scandal, because my husband and I don't want to give the card back, and we are trying to convey that if they want to help, then please help, but you shouldn't take anything away from us (again) and make demands.  (I understand if we spent that money on some clothes, travel, party, etc. But we spent it so that we could have a place to live as soon as possible, at least with minimal comfort).
So, am I overreacting?

Sorry for my post, it turned out maybe a little longer than I thought and maybe a little confusing.
","NTA.

Cut your parents off.  If you want to maintain a family relationship with them, do so, but when the conversation turns to money, you shut it down.  

The follow up here is that you won't be able to count on your parents for any kind of financial support moving forward, but it sounds like they aren't in a position to help anyway.  If cutting your parents off this way results in problems with extended family, you have to accept those as the consequences of looking out for your own financial well-being.

You are an adult, and free to make your own choices.  Once you make the choice, you accept the consequences.  You will be the A-hole here if you're hoping for a solution where everything goes the way you want."
AITAH for dating a girl's sister after she initially showed interest in me?,"So I 20M have been friends with 19F Miranda for close to 6 months. We initially met in a study group for a college physics class but became study buddies and friends on our own. About a month ago she invited me to a party at her place to celebrate her dog turning one (I literally just think she wanted an excuse to throw a party lol). 

During that party I met her sister Christine 21F. When I say I was absolutely charmed and smitten by Christine, I mean it. She's so pretty and we had so many of the same nerdy interests it felt like we could talk for hours. We exchanged numbers and Instagrams and continued talking. Over the following days, I started hanging out with Christine one on one. I mustered up the courage to ask her out and she said yes. We went on a date to the aquarium and had a blast. We are now officially an dating.

Here's where the problem comes in. I knew recently Miranda started developing some feelings for me. Some mutual friends told me. We have just been friends up until this point. I haven't really had time to explore my own feelings for Miranda up until the party with finals and working full-time. However, upon meeting Christine, I knew I just wanted to keep it platonic.

Miranda has taken my new relationship with Christine about as well as... well about as well as a young woman whose sister took the boy she likes. Not great. She's been ice cold to me and Christine told me things have been a little frosty at home for her as well. Supposedly Miranda never told Christine about her crush on me. I asked Christine if it bothered her that I might be interfering in their sisterly relationship and she just said ""Nope. You're cute. Finders keepers.""

I asked Miranda and I's mutual friends and they pretty much all unanimously think I'm the asshole who shouldn't have made a pass at Christine. Idk. I just felt so attracted to her in a way I wasn't to Miranda. 

I feel like I need a perspective that's not invested in me or Miranda. Reddit, am I the Asshole?
","Right so... Miranda never indicated *to you* that she liked you, you never indicated to her you were interested? She can't call dibs on you, much less by letting you hear a rumour."
AITAH for reporting a new hire ?,"Hello!

So I work in a facility for older people. I've been here for a few years now, and I love it.  I work in the dietary/food department of the facility, and it’s basically like a restaurant: they sit in the dining room, order from a menu, and we serve the food and then after service , we either clean the dining room , do dishes , or prepare snacks and desserts for the next shift.

So we just got this new hire barely a week ago, she’s an older lady, around 60s\~70s, and to say it’s been awful working with her is something. For starters, she gets up in everyone’s face ( I mean legit right in your face and when you try to move she gets closer) and complains about everything about the place, which whatever imo, I can handle the complaints.

Secondly, she will try to start a conversation with us while trying to serve food, and I mean like, “Where are you from?” “Oh, I just love the soup here”. Stuff you usually don’t talk about while in the middle of service since it’s distracting.

Lastly, this only applies to me, so I have speech issues. I stutter a bit and I can’t pronounce a few words correctly ( mostly my Rs )and nobody at work has said anything about it since everybody knows I’m sensitive about it.  Anyway this past Saturday, I was trying to show this new hire how to write a ticket for someone, and I couldn’t say the woman’s name correctly cuz I can’t say my Rs very well. This new hire processes to say “Oh you say her name so funny? You should pronounce it better next time because you said it so weirdly.” I didn’t say anything about it cuz I was speechless and I didn’t know WHAT to say to that. So I just still silent the entire time and pawned her off on someone else.

Today, it was me, my manager, and this new hire. After lunch service ended, my manager had to go help a different department out because they were short-staffed, so it was just me and her. So I had to show her how to record what people ate on the computer. And I couldn’t say the word, Room, correctly because I stuttered over it and it came out as “ woom”. I was going to correct myself and then she says “ woom” and laughs at me right in front of my face. To say I was livid would be an understatement but I didn’t want to yell at her. So I calmly told her I had speech issues and I can’t pronounce  a lot of my words correctly the first time but I try to correct myself. She just says “ oh ok” and I thought that was the end of that.

Not even 20 minutes later. I’m showing her how to roll silverware and I couldn’t say roll correctly and SHE PROCEEDS TO MAKE FUN OF ME AGAIN. Mind you 3 other people showed her how to roll sliver ware earlier in the week and she just forgot how to do it. I had to walk away from her at that moment because I was actually pissed and was so closed to yelling at her.

I told my manager about her and her comments after my shift and she agrees with me that it’s out of line for her to say that and that I should tell my boss about it when I see him next time. But deep down I feel bad because she is a older lady and her other job laid her off cuz they shut down the department she was working in and I don’t want to be the reason why she’s loses her job here cuz she said “ she loved it here” (even tho she complains every 5 seconds but whatever) but I also know her comments are out of pocket and she can’t keep up with the fast pace and physical labor of this job. So I don’t know what to do? Would I be the asshole and tell him about everything?","\>I don’t want to be the reason why she’s loses her job

I'll stop you there.  You would NOT be at fault.  I've been an office/manufacturing environments.  You cannot make fun of people's speech like she's doing.  She's out of line.  Never let someone treat you that way at work.  Once it starts, it gets worse and worse.  Suddenly, you'll find you stop enjoying what you do.

\> I've been here for a few years now, and I love it

Don't let this get ruined by someone that doesn't treat people with respect."
AITAH for not liking my boyfriends dog?,"Hello I would first like to start by saying I, 24 (F), love animals very much and have 2 of my own cats. My boyfriend and I, 26 (M), have been together for 4 years and have lived together for 2. Before we started dating, I had two of my own cats and he had a golden doodle. His golden doodle is very well behaved and gets along fine with my cats so when we started dating and living together the house dynamic was always great. Recently his parent’s dog passed away so they decided to get a new old English sheepdog puppy. The dog was not local so my boyfriend and I kindly agreed to driving to pick up their new puppy 4 hours away. Within the first week of his parents having the new puppy, they offered us to keep her for a month to enjoy her being so adorable which we thought would be fun in exchange that they would take my boyfriends golden doodle. I quickly learned the only reason why his parents did this was because the new puppy was pooping and peeing on their beds, couches, carpets, etc. Eventually the month had passed and we exchanged dogs again after sleepless night of her barking while being crate trained and having to clean poop and pee up at minimum 4 times a day. This was no issue until recently, his mom demanded we take the dog for Christmas because she was having guests sleep over and she “never wanted this dog and can’t handle her right now”. We obliged to help relieve her some stress because the puppy is now 7 months but still very disobedient with potty training, biting, jumping, and chewing through furniture which is all to be expected from a puppy to a certain extent. We exchanged dogs and after watching her a week even after Christmas I decided enough was enough when I came home one day to her shitting on the carpet and peeing on the couch. It is also important to mention that she chases my cats around alllllll, and I mean alllll day she wants to jump at them, chew their tails, eat their food, and growl/ bark at them. I do everything I possible can to correct these behaviors however, this is oneeee stubborn puppy and she simply does not take discipline properly yet. My boyfriend and I bring the puppy back to his parents house and his mom has a melt down saying “we can’t bring her back we have to keep her for one more week because I just repainted the stairs that she chewed through”. My boyfriend did not say anything and silently let his mom demand we keep her for longer, which I of course was respectful of because I love my in laws and avoid conflict at any cost. We have now had her for 2 months and his parents refuse to switch dogs back with us. I’ve had a sit down conversation with my boyfriend and asked him if we would be keeping the puppy forever and he immediately said yes. I was very confused considering I wish he would have had the courtesy to be honest with me that he wanted the dog and to keep her with us. I would like to mention that I do 100% of all house chores that you could possible think of. So I feel like I am disproportionately cleaning up after all of the new puppy’s poop and pee despite me making it very clear that if she is to stay her I want absolutely nothing to do with the clean up process since I never agreed to a new pet for the next 15 years of my life. It is very stressful having her and I can’t help but feel like this is an unfair situation. My boyfriend and I are in a serious relationship and want to get married but I can’t help but feel like this changed a lot of our future dynamic. Our conversation was very mature and we talked about how I felt about this because I told him I didn’t want to resent him, his parents, or the puppy however, the conversation was very unproductive. He just apologized for not being honest with me that he planned to keep the puppy and didn’t think about having to tell me. Regardless we still have the puppy. Does anyone have any advice on how I should navigate this? I’ve been trying to let it go and learn to love the new change but I simply can’t shake my resentment. It’s been a full month and I still get irrationally upset at him and his parents regarding the entire situation. Am I being too dramatic about the situation?","no - i love dogs more than anything and i would be LIVID if someone took my dog, which was well behaved because I spent time training it and replaced it with a terror of a puppy. I’d be driving it back to the in-laws and dropping it off with them. They got the dog, it’s not your responsibility."
AITAH - i (f20) kissed someone (m20) who was talking to someone,"hi, i was back from uni for a month and i ended up catching up with a few old friends and ended up partying quite a bit and going out and having fun. my friend brought a guy from his uni to go out with us, i found him handsome and i immediately knew i wanted to get with him at some point of the night.

my friend ended up telling me that this guy was talking to someone who was his friend and to avoid flirting with him. i told him i wouldn’t make a move, but if it happened it happened. we ended up kissing at some point of the night after he started making moves on me. he told me he was talking to someone for a month and they had been on a date . i felt instantly really guilty, im now going to see him again on a holiday we’re going on and the girl he’s talking to. i feel really terrible. i feel like i crossed a boundary by kissing him, that i was being the girl i never thought i’d be.

i was quite drunk and i didn’t think it mattered or id see him again. but idk, i feel terrible now. am i the asshole? please be honest with me, because i don’t mind.",What he's doing to her he'll do to you.
AITAH if i wish my mom would kick her mooching cousin out of our house?,"i apologize in advance for any errors, english isn't my native language

i (f21) live with my mom (f64) in an apartment in the city, and we have been for the past ten years. we live a pretty comfortable life, partly because my father has always offered to help pay a part of the rent since he has a higher salary than my mom. i recently graduated uni and i'm getting my driver's license so i can get a job and help out financially.

all was good until about a year ago, when my mom's cousin (f54) lost her job and couldn't pay her rent anymore, so my mom offered to let her stay until she could get back on her feet..and she hasn't left since.

she doesn't help out either financially or even just around the house by cleaning, she plays loud music or videos even when i'm trying to sleep, and she's a heavy smoker and actively chooses to smoke in the kitchen instead of the balcony two feet away because of the cold, so the whole house reeks of smoke (i also have a cat and she will smoke with it in the same room if i don't notice and let it out). 

she started sleeping in my room at one point, claiming my mattress was ""better for her legs"" than the one in the bedroom even if they're the same, but i fortunately managed to get it back recently.

the problem is, i've talked about this to my mom, about how i'm exhausted, about how i can't even have a conversation about anything with her cousin without being interrupted a thousand times because ""she knows better"" and she's ""educated on the topic"" (the education being youtube videos with dubious sources), but she always tells me to think about how she's feeling and to put myself in her shoes..but why can't she just say something? it's not like her cousin is a child, after all. hell, it feels like i'm more mature than her sometimes.

it feels like i'm invisible in my own house, i'm sick of it and i just want her gone.

aitah?",NTA Sounds absolutely horrible. 
AITAH for kicking this guy out?,"Sorry it’s a lot to read, but it’s driving me nuts please. 

Let me give some background:

About 7-8 months ago (so last year Aug/Sept maybe) this 18yr old I worked with was getting kicked out by his parents (now I see why). His dad was our new GM and ran the business to sh\*t so as a last F U I let his some move in with me. TOLD him it was temporary, TOLD him he couldn’t stay longer than 6months or until he went to the military like he planned because then he’d have the barracks. TOLD him literally in the car to go grab his stuff from his house that he would have THREE chores, that’s it. And it was basic stuff, just vacuum the living room (it’s not big.), take out the trash to burn, and wash the dishes! I even told him if he could just wash the dishes, I wouldn’t mind either. He says “cool. That’s easy! No problem I can do that.” Cool. 

He does it for two weeks. And then it’s me saying hey can you do this please, can this be done before I get back from work, please please please. Like, I’m NOT your mother. Honestly, it didn’t bother me at first. I get it, three(3) (yes three of us in a 2bed trailer) people and it’s crowded but two of us STAY in our rooms when we’re home and leave you the living room as privacy. I did not get the same respect back. 

Incident one: WEED. MARIJUANA. In my cats water bowl. F\*cking kidding me? And then when I text he he says, oh I didn’t see that. And I was like bs. And then he says. “Oh I saw it but I was gonna get it after work.” ?!?? TAKES YOU LESS THAN A SECOND TO STOOP DOWN TO GET IT? Or just dump it and refill it? Livid, I was. 

Now this current incident: me and him have to share a bathroom since I have a guest room, bathroom isn’t connected to my room. He left the toilet clogged to the BRIM of the toilet bowl. It literally threatened to spill over. I was PISSED. But, I sent a very neutral paragraph to our groupchat, just simply asking that since it’s the start of the new year, we start over as a team and start pitching in again, get into some routines so that messes don’t pile up and stack. I stopped cleaning around the house to see who was doing what, only for nothing to get cleaned. Floor covered in dirt, table covered in crumbs from the air fryer. Nasty. He wants to respond with. “I’m not reading all dat fo sho tho👍”. To which I immediately exploded. Told him to stop being childish and that if I needed to I would call the police to have him removed because this is the SECOND time he tried to refuse to leave. He only agreed after I told him the home renter who we’re staying with, told me it was MY final decision whether he stayed or went because he thought he was on his side. He tried to threaten me with calling the cops too, but literally he’s broke + I have too many photos and screenshots about how he’s living on MY couch and talking to me with disrespect. In the end he knew he wasn’t going to win so he accepted defeat saying he’ll just get his stuff no big deal🙄. Stress me tf out on my day off boy istg. ","YTA for letting someone live at your house just to piss off your boss? Who does that? 

Just call the police if he won't leave."
aitah for hating all my friends?,"I know it sounds bad but i F(13) genuinely hate all my friends and not in a bad way it's just that I have strict parents but their not overly strict but they had said no to hangouts more than a few times (im talking 90% of the time) and my friends parents are a lot less laid back than my parents so they are constantly hanging out without me  which don't get me wrong it not a bad thing but im talking anytime i've hung out with my friends i've been the one planing other than birthdays i've never been invited anywhere but all i see is snap stories of people together and photo dumps on tiktok about each other so it hurts a lot especially for a teen girl. most of them are also super rude in person and treat me as the fall back friend that they only really care about once there's a fight or they need to talk shit. Now you might think ""maybe your the problem"" but i actually think that i'm a nice person and i've always been there for other people but now it seems like none of my friends really care about me, it once took them 3 hours to realize that i left the hangout because it was like im invisible. Call me dramatic but This is how I feel.","Dear Lord, this is just one massive run on sentence.  There are only about two periods in the entire thing."
AITAH for telling my bf he is ungrateful about the plans I made for his bday?,"I (25f) have been asking my bf (29 going on 30m) what he wants to do for his bf for about a month now and every time I ask he responds with “idk” or “I haven’t really been thinking about it” and I tell him to lmk so I can plan accordingly. He never tells me what he wants to do, so I planned everything for him. I made reservations for a nice hotel, dinner reservations that’s within walking distance of the hotel, and a helicopter tour that brings you around dt Chicago (we live in a Chicago suburb) I also made plans for brunch the next day and then figured we’d have time to talk about what he wanted to do. 

Long story short, we end up getting into an argument bc when he heard about the helicopter ride he did not seem like he cared in the slightest. I asked him if that was something he wanted to do and he said yes, but it didn’t seem like he was telling the truth. I let it go and he just suddenly starts being distant AGAIN (he is very back and forth with his intimacy towards me) I get fed up and I start telling him how ungrateful he is being but he insists that he liked the idea of the helicopter ride but instead wants to play Pokemon Go that day…..I gave this dude 2-3 weeks to tell me what he wanted to do before I took it upon myself to plan something that I thought would be really nice for him. It’s also not even like I am telling him we can’t play Pokemon go (even though I think he’s too old for that crap) He seems like he is intentionally going out of his way to be ungrateful and to make me seem like I am the AH for wanting to celebrate him.",[deleted]
Skin removal surgery. AITAH?,"I, 34F, have been with my boyfriend, 27M, for 14 months. I have lost 130 pounds total, but 60 of those pounds in the last 14 months since we met. We have talked about skin removal surgery, but I have a lot of fears. I tend to become obsessive and I am mostly concerned that I will hyper-fixate even more on my body. I am very happy with where I am now. I don’t love the loose skin, but I definitely dont hate enough to go under surgery 100% any time soon. After a discussion today, it came out that essentially my entire future of my relationship is dependent on me having the surgery and that my boyfriend really doesn’t like the skin. He doesn’t understand why I am so upset with his reaction and ultimately his attempts at giving me an ultimatum. Am I overreacting about my fears about the skin removal? ","Why would you contemplate removing skin, going through major surgery and financial costs for a man you have only been with for 14 months. This is your decision and the only advice you need is with your doctor. If he doesn’t like it show him the door. And congrats on your achievement and only do things for you not for others especially for a man. "
WIBTAH if I told my wife we start couples therapy or im out?,"Background: I am 40M, wife is 39F.  We both work full time.  No kids. 1 cat, 1 dog, we both have significant chronic pain issues. Married 9 years in February. I work from home and she works in a clinic. 

The problem as I see it:  I work 40 hours a week, and make about triple what my wife does.  She works 30-35 hours a week.  I do 100% of laundry, cooking, dishes.  I feed the animals twice a day every day, I do 80% of dog walking and such. My wife does 100% of cleaning the litter boxes.  

My wife WILL NOT clean up after herself.  Literally leaves cloths everywhere.  Wherever it comes off is where it lands.  Kitchen, tv room, either bathroom, bedroom.  Basically everywhere except the hamper.  She also leaves trash or dishes everywhere. I do at least 80% of the clean up for all of that. 
 I take out the trash and take the cans to the street, and we split bringing them back in.

Currently I pay for 100% of utilities and shared expenses.  She is on my insurance plan and only pays for deductables(at least 50% of which she uses my CC for).  Additionally, almost all of our savings and retirement is funded because of me being diligent.  To be fair, her dad owns the house we live in so we dont pay rent(which is why I can put so much to retirement and savings tbh).

My chronic pain causes me to withdraw when I am feeling awful so I dont snap at her when she isn't doing something warranting it.  She lashes out when hers flares up.  To be as clear as I can, my perception is that when she is in a lot of pain, everything sucks so she is short, rude, and inconsiderate every time she opens her mouth.  I definitely have unfairly lashed out at her over the last few years in relation to my pain, so I am trying not to be hypocritical here, but it feels like there is a significantly disproportionate investment into our relationship and I am feeling very burnt out and taken advantage of.

Tldr: things are stagnant at best and I feel like im being expected to take care of too much.  WIBTAH if I told her we need couples therapy to start fixing our relationship or I bounce?

Edit :UPDATE for clarity, I do a group therapy twice a month for my condition and 1-2x a month personal therapy as well.  Big part of why I feel asking for couples therapy is the next step since we are not resolving things ourselves and its not getting better.

Edit 2: I mentioned the financial stuff in addition to everything else not because I specifically care if she contributes financially or not, but to point out she is not contributing to the relationship much in a general sense.  I wouldn't particularly mind if she didn't have a job at all, as long as she was actually participating in our lives and the maintenance of it.  To me, it feels like I pay for almost everything, I do all of the cooking, almost all of the cleaning, the general maintenance stuff around the house, and in return she cleans literboxes.   It doesn't feel like a partnership. 

 I don't demand or expect a perfect 50/50 accounting but as it stands, it feels very one sided to me.  I bring up couples therapy because I 100% expect there are blind spots for me and I am missing what I could be better with, or if I'm making her life harder for no reason. This post was written in frustration, so its going to come off biased from my point of view.  If I knew for certain it was as cut and dry as it sounds and she just didn't care, I wouldn't be looking to go to therapy with her. ",NTAH. It sounds less like an ultimatum and more like you naming how exhausted and unsupported you feel after carrying so much for so long.
AITAH for setting this boundary with my family?,"Mainly need to vent, but I genuinely want to know if this was a valid boundary to make.

For context:

\-I have always struggle with weight. I'm currently overweight 70lbs heavier. 

\-My main issue has always been psychological which I have worked and continue working with my therapist. Also fixing my relationship with food. These past 2 years I have been eating a lot better, with the occasional treats, but nothing like before. Now this year I'll be working on some extra exercise. To give you an idea, I'm active on my feet all day and work with kids. 

\-My family and I live in different cities. 

  
\----

  
So we decided to get together and take a trip as we hadn't been all together in the same place for a few years. 

Knowing I was coming, I thought I'd treat myself and enjoy things I don't normally do. For example, drink a regular pop you can't really find where I live, and balance it with diet pop, eat snacks I cannot find back home, etc. 

My sis tends to be a bit judgy and when you try to set the boundary she gets defensive and acts like I'm the one creating the drama. 

So we are buying groceries and I'm paying my part so I'm choosing what I want. I chose regular pop AND diet pop. 

When I tell you my family goes ""we worry about your health that's too much sugar. I know you don't normally eat this,"" I had to set a boundary and asked them to just stop. Of course, my sis goes well there's no need to get angry. Nobody asked for anybody's opinion and I am more than allowed to treat myself while I'm on VACATION. And I hate it that this happens on every trip. 

They wouldn't be saying this to their friends or their co workers.

I thought a weight loss/health journey was supposed to be gradual. Not ok tomorrow you'll lose 20 lbs and eat excellent. 

Also to give more context, I get my health checks regularly and so far aside from being overweight, I have gotten a clean bill of health. Sugar levels good, blood pressure great, nothing of concern. So I don't understand this whole ""we worry about your health"" as if drinking regular pop here and there during vacation is suddenly gonna make me go to the ICU. 

I already asked them just stop stressing me out and let me make my own decisions. So we'll see what happens. ","NTA, vacations are where you indulge. Maybe comment about every damn thing family eats. Because you know full well they aren't all eating just celery. 

NTA, and people who think they have the right to judge other people's food choices end up on my no contact list. 

It is alright to have a boundary about comments like that. Just be willing to follow through with consequences for their actions."
AITAH planet fitness locker room,I (male) just started going back to the gym. I’ve had a planet fitness membership that I’ve used dozens but not hundreds of times over the years. Went into the gym at 2am to find the overnight (male) employee sitting on a locker room bench playing on his phone. I just stashed my stuff and went out to the machines. A few people of mixed gender are also here working out and there was a guy in the bathroom while I was in the locker room. It appeared that the bathrooms had just been cleaned and the employee was taking a break. My question is do y’all think it’s acceptable for them to be taking breaks in the locker room while customers are trying to use it?,"Yes? Why wouldn't it be? Maybe he didn't want to sit in the break room, maybe he was going to clean or service the locker room next so it was easier to chill there. Maybe he was waiting for the bathroom to be available.

Was he in your way at all? If not, I don't understand why this is an issue."
AITAH for trying to break up my brother's relationship,"I (20f\] have a older brother who is 25 years. old. Basically when we grew up my brother basically took care of me bcaucse we grew up in a very abusive home. My dad died when I was 16 and my brother moved out then because he didn't want to leave my mom and me in the house with my dad.

  
My brother has a girlfriend for the last three years. Shes not only much older than him but she is very abusive to him as well and I was able to see that from my personal experiences with abuse. She hits him even in front of my mom and me and never lets him go out by myself. She downloaded something of his phone so she could like see what he was doing. She broke this watch Id given him for his birthday but said it was an accident. Like I went out with my brother one time and she kept calling him asking him who he was with.

I kept telling my brother that he was abusive but he said that he was just grateful someone actually loved him. I got very hurt and said that mom and me also love him and definitely more than she does. He just smiled really sadly so   I did not continue the conversation. Basicaly he's like a puppy in front of her.

So I decided to break the relationship.  I basically asked one of my friends to hit on her because I thought she would cheat on my brother. Basically she didn't and found out that I told my friend to hit on her and told my brother who came to talk to me and was really sad. 

I said that I was just doing what was good for him but he said he couldn't believe Id do something like that even though it was for a good reason. My mom isn't supporting me either.

  
So, aitaH for trying to break my brother's relationship??",Your heart was in the right place but YTA.
AITAH For Not Helping My Ex-Friend With Her Alibi,"Ok so before I begin just know I'm not the best in terms of grammar and punctuation so I hope y'all can excuse any upcoming typos and such I will try and see if I can fix any.

This is my first time posting about anything like this and fair warning its a long story but I will try not to create a post the size of a novel for you. Also I will not be using real names throughout this post.

So going into the past to try and explain the ""ex-friend"" part of this story first I (22F at the time) had a best friend who we will call Kara (20F) so me and Kara knew each other since she was 15 and I was 17 and in that time she dated many boys 1 of which was my younger brother Darren (same age as Kara) and they dated for 2 years but after they broke up as the years passed she would have more and more boyfriends and it got close to like 6 boyfriends in the span of a year I think and she would always say how great the guys are when they date but when they, for me unexpectedly break up she would have all these negative things to say and how they were terrible throughout the relationship. Now at this point and time being told me and Kara were living in my older brother Liams (27yo) house to help him cause he had got that house not long before and we wanted to help him start paying off his new mortgage and bills he just got (its his first house to own) and Kara was dating this guy Tyler (28M) now Tyler at the time was a coworker of mine and Karas and we all worked at the Subway down the road from my brother's house and Liam works at Walmart. 

All 4 of us were good friends in a sense and I will go ahead and mention (with Tyler's permission) Tyler is not a good man he has a record and was going to court at this time for stealing but he was always very professional at work and always knew how to make someone laugh. Now one night me and Tyler were working the closing shift and after I drove us both to my brother's house after picking up my brother from his work as well (I was the only one at the time with a car cause Tyler's had broken down on the side of the interstate at some point and before he could get someone to get it people had already scavenged it for the fuel tank and the headlights I believe) Tyler was coming over cause he got a text earlier from Kara asking if he could come over, she was the only one home at the time so you can imagine our surprise to find 2 cars in the lawn when we got home at first we were worried someone was robbing the place and when Tyler and Liam went into the house to check things out they found that Kara's family was in the house carrying boxes and loading them into the cars while practically ignoring us now I knew her family but Kara would constantly tell us how her mom and brothers were abusive when nobody was looking and I know one of her brothers cause we went to school together he had a bit of a temper but I've never known him to go that far with anyone and when I would ask her what they would do to her she would roll up her sleeve or her pants and there would be a bruise there and she would say they caused it but a few times she would tell me this I would remember being there on a day she received said bruise and I remembered that one of times she got it from a game of dodgeball at our church and she asked me to help get some frozen peas out of the freezer, and another she got when she went hiking with me and my family through a state park. Both times her family were nowhere around and definitely did not cause the bruise. 

But now she had invited her family to the house without telling anyone and was having them help her pack her stuff up cause she was moving back in with her mom the whole time they were packing Kara refused to talk to us but right before she left she had written a note for each of us telling us she was leaving and how she loved us all, after they left I went to my room only to find my bedroom door was open and my bedsheets were messed up it didn't look like anything was missing or stolen but I felt violated in a way cause I had no clue who went in my room while I was gone and Kara and her family were here, we hadn't heard from Kara since. 

Now at the time she left my dad was sick with an extremely rare, extremely aggressive cancer when he was first diagnosed he had went to other doctors before going to the ER for having on and off fever spikes and the other doctors all told he just had the common cold or flu but when he went to the ER with my mom they ran tests and found a lump and if you knew my dad he was always active and took great care of his body he trained for triathlons but mostly ran 5ks he would run, bike, swim and go hiking with the family regularly so we all found it almost impossible to believe that he had such a cancer and when he got the diagnosis the doctors told him even with chemo and treatment they determined he would only live 6 months. Now when Kara left we were 2 months into treatment for my dad and I was doing what I could to help support my mom and take care of my dad and I got my stubbornness from him so it was a hard time convincing him to let me do things for him but as I said I'm as stubborn as he was so it was alot of back and forth. When he finally passed away the doctors told us he would only live for 6 months he survived for 10 months we had a memorial service at his favorite park and we live streamed the memorial over FB for those who couldn't make it in person (Trust me this detail is important). Something else that happened was shortly after my dads passing Tyler was sentenced to 3 years in prison for theft. (Again this detail is important). 

Now fast forward to present day 3 years had passed since my dad's passing and my mom had just gotten remarried to my stepfather a few months ago, and I haven't seen or heard from Kara since she moved out of my brother's house. I've been working at a small convenience store now for a little over a year and my store is currently being remodeled inside and my boss decided to take me and all my coworkers out to lunch, this also happen to be on the day Tyler was being released from prison and he was with his lawyer going back to my brother's house (that was the plan anyway). 

Now me and my coworkers arrived at this nice restaurant in our town that my boss reserved a table at, we all sat and ordered drinks and shortly after the waitress left I saw her Kara she was a waitress at another table working at this restaurant, I immediately went back to talking with my coworkers. After we got our drinks and ordered our food me and some of my coworkers noticed 2 police officers walking in and we waved at them to say hi cause alot of the cops in town usually come to our store for coffee and snacks and they came over to say hi and when we asked if they were taking a break right now they said now sadly they were there to talk to someone and as soon as our waitress arrived to refill drinks one of the cops asked if she would get the manager for them, the manager came and talked to them in a different area of the restaurant away from our table not long after our food arrives I happen to glance over where the cops were talking to the manager earlier and saw they were now talking to Kara I had I weird feeling seeing it but decided it wasn't my business and started eating. 

Me and my coworkers are all laughing and enjoying the food til I heard someone calling out my name loudly, when I looked around to see who it was I saw Kara coming over quickly with the 1 of the cops not far behind while the other was talking on the phone, she then stood beside me and pointed telling the cop ""she knows who I'm talking about don't you?"" As I'm sure you can imagine I was extremely confused on what in the world was going on as I looked between Kara and the cops trying to figure it out, then cop asked me ""do you know her friend and how we can contact him?"" I immediately asked ""what friend? What's going on exactly?"" Kara then started to explain her side of things and apparently the cops were investigating the robbery of some investment firm 4 nights ago and they had some clues that led them to believe Kara had a hand in it and so they came here to see if she had an alibi for that night. She then proceeded to tell me that she was with Tyler that whole night at her house but when the cops asked for his contact info she didn't have it and said she realized she had seen me arrive here and that I could help them get in touch with him. 

I just looked at her wondering if this was a joke or something but when I realized she was serious I asked her and the cop to be sure they were asking for Tyler to be her alibi 4 nights ago while I know full well he couldn't have been with her cause he only just got out of prison today I couldn't help myself I just started laughing at how ridiculous of a situation Kara had just gotten herself into and how she seems to think that whatever her plan was for this was foolproof. When I finally stopped laughing Kara asked ""what's so funny?"", my phone buzzed from a text from Tyler simply saying his lawyer heard what's happening and they were on the way to the restaurant right now they were 10 mins away, and the other cop who was on phone had put their phone away and walked up to us and whispered something to the other cop, Kara spoke up again telling me to stop laughing like a lunatic and tell the cops what they needed to know I immediately held up a finger to Kara indicating for her to be quiet for a second and decided to play this out a little since shes already making this whole scene in the restaurant and not being quiet about it at all and asked Kara just to clarify that she's saying that Tyler was with her at her house 4 night ago as in before today? And she said ""yes obviously why are you asking that?"" Ignoring her question and asked ""and how long would you say he was at your house that night?"" ""He got there at around 6pm and he left maybe 10am the next morning."" 

I immediately turned to the cops and asked them for the purpose of dramatic clarification ""so maybe you can clarify something for me cause personally I've never been to prison but it's to my understanding that when serving your sentence that even if it's days before being released that they don't typically let you leave the prison to go and hook up with an ex but maybe I'm wrong."" Karas face went slightly pale as I spoke and said 1 word ""Prison?"" I turned to her and clarified ""yes, prison. He just got released today. So if you are saying he was with you 4 days ago that means your admitting to 1 of 2 things 1.) You're saying that Tyler escaped prison and went to your house Or 2.) You are admitting to falsifying an alibi and lying to the police."" 

I let that sit for a second just to see if she had some quick save but she just stood there with a mix of shock and apprehensiveness on her face and when she finally opened her mouth to try and speak I held up my finger again for her to wait once again as I noticed something out of the corner of my eye ""you know what? Why don't we just ask him directly?"" I said while pointing to the restaurant entrance where Tyler and his lawyer had just arrived through. Kara looked over and when she looked her face turned into this relieved hopeful look and she hollered out Tyler's name raising her her hand into the air and waving it around like she was trying to get his attention while in the hall of a crowded rock concert and not a peaceful restaurant like this. I looked around and noticed everyone in the restaurant were openly watching us, Tyler noticed the people watching as well as he walked over. He completely ignored Kara and turned to the cops ""I understand you have some questions for me officers."" The cops immediately asked him if he was with Kara 4 nights ago on the night of the robbery and he responded ""No I was not with Kara 4 nights ago. I haven't even spoken to her in 3 years."" I watched as Karas face fell ""Tyler what are you talking about of you were with me we were together all night."" ""No we weren't Kara. And even if I did say we were the cops would be able to tell easily that on the night in question I was most definitely in my prison cell. So even if I did want to save you from this mess which I don't see any reason why I should, why would I do it by telling such an obvious lie?"" Tylers lawyer then pulled out his phone and show it to the cop ""this is an emailed document from the warden of the prison showing that the guards making the rounds that night found nothing out of the ordinary during the night in question and I also asked the warden to have the guards making those rounds to provide written statements declaring that there is in fact no way my client had left the prison at any point in the night in question he with also provide security footage of that night to corroborate their statements they will be emailed to you as early as tomorrow morning."" 

Kara looked a bit panicked now as she looked between all of us before landing on me ""oh I get it, you and Tyler are dating aren't you that's why he doesn't want to admit it cause you're here and he doesn't want you to know he cheated."" As I'm sure you can imagine the look on my face as I looked at her like she lost her mind I asked her ""Kara, how did you go from Tyler refusing to lie for you to me and him dating? Just so you know no we are NOT dating. And even if we were what does that have to do with any of this?"" Instead of answering Kara just started panicking more and you could clearly tell she was trying to find some way out of the hole she dug herself into. 

The cops were bringing out their handcuffs and began telling her she needed to come down to the station with them when she once again got this hopeful look on her face but instead of look at Tyler like last time she was looking at me. I felt extremely creeped out at this point. There was no telling what idea just popped in her head and I didn't like how the idea clearly involved me somehow. ""Hey, come on we're best friends. You can help me with this right?"" At this point I started to think she was insane. ""Kara what are you talking about? We USE to be best friends but that changed when you left without saying anything to any of us and cut contact with us for 3 YEARS."" ""Don't be like that we can still be best friends no matter how much time passed."" Then came the last straw for me ""hows your parents doing? I saw on your moms Facebook page she got remarried, to think after the cancer scare she'd divorce your dad. How is he doing after that by the way? He must be glad to be cured right?"" Tyler immediately stepped closer ""Kara enough you went too far."" My coworkers who before were sitting and watching were now also standing and were all looking angerly at Kara. 

(Just to clarify I love my coworkers they are like a second family to me they are fiercely protective and the only reason they didn't do anything til now was cause they know I can handle myself and even though they weren't there when my dad passed away they all knew how much his death affected me and when they heard Kara talk about my parents like that they knew this was getting to sensitive topics for me and they wanted to try and protect me anyway back to the story.) 

""What are you talking about Tyler? I'm just asking how her dad is doing he was diagnosed with cancer and I'm sure it was a tough road for him to being cured."" Now I want to go ahead and mention why it was important before that I mentioned that my dads memorial service was livestreamed. When looking at the livestream after the service I saw that Kara's mother and her brothers had all watched and sent their condolences in the chat her mother also made a point to say that Kara also sends her condolences as she was told by her mother what had happened but she herself did not watch the livestream. 

Now I started to get a mix of emotions running through me I was sad as memories of my dad came to me, I was annoyed at Kara for ruining this whole day for me, and I was also furious with her for being so insensitive and disrespecting my mom by assuming she only got remarried after divorcing with dad even if she had forgotten about the fact my dad had died she clearly remembers the fact he was diagnosed with cancer so I'm sure she remembers as it was the first thing the doctor said about it was that he only had 6 months even with treatment there wasn't much doubt that no matter how unfair it seemed he was dying and we couldn't do much to stop it, so the fact that she thinks that the only reason my mom would remarry was if she divorced my dad after his ""cancer scare"" as she called it made me want to do a whole lot of things to her, but instead I decided to just set to record straight once and for all. 

Kara continued talking ""Come on, we all know there's no way his cancer was as bad as the doctors claimed he was too strong and healthy for that. He's cured right, he isn't in hurting anymore?"" ""He's no longer in pain. And he's happy in his new home-"" Kara didn't let me finish what I was about to say ""see I knew he'd make it-"" ""in Heaven"" I cut in finishing my previous sentence. Kara looked pale for a second ""what?"" ""My dad is no longer in pain and he's happy in his new home. In. Heaven."" I repeated. My vision was beginning to blur but as hard as it was I refused to cry in front of her she wasn't worthy of seeing them. ""I know you were there when we first got the news about his cancer. You were there when the doctors said he only had 6 months left, but you were right about 1 thing Kara. He was strong and you were partly right that the doctors were wrong about something involving his diagnosis. They said he only had 6 months he survived for 10 months and it was that strength that allowed him to survive for as long as he did. But I also know you were made aware of the fact he had passed away 3 years ago because you family watched the livestream of his memorial and sent condolences you mom even made a point to say you also send your condolences as she had told you about my dad's death but you didn't attend the livestream or the service at all youself."" It was then my boss spoke up telling the cops they needed to get Kara out of here and away from me. I couldn't hold back the tears for much longer so I ran to the bathrooms which were thankfully empty and ran into a stall and just sat on the floor, not long after all my coworkers both male and female as well as Tyler came into the bathrooms I learned later a waitress as well as a few random customer int he restaurant offered to guard the bathroom to make sure nobody came in while there were guys in the womens bathroom, the restaurant also have a family bathroom area so if a woman need to use it they could. They came in and all sat down on the floor around and surrounded me in this group hug, I cried for what felt like forever but I think was actually like 20 minutes. Afterwards Tyler and his lawyer offered to give me a ride back to my brother's house since that's where we were planning to go from the start. 

I felt exhausted from all the crying as well as everything that happened. When we got to my brother's I went to go and lay down on the couch hoping to at least take a nap. But apparently life had other plans. As soon as I laid down my phone started to blow up with texts from Kara as well as her family. From what I gathered Kara was trying to beg for forgiveness while her mom and brothers were texting calling me an AH for lying to police and getting Kara in trouble. I couldn't be bothered to deal with it so I just put my phone on silent and took a nap.

So AITAH for not helping my ex-best friend forge an alibi and getting her potentially arrested?","The ex-con showed up with his lawyer and proof he was incarcerated from the warden, while the cops had just started talking to her?

Even TV shows don’t run that fast and smooth."
AITAH for telling my dad I don't want him to attend my college graduation?,"I (20F) am graduating from college in about two years, so this is sort of a premature conversation, but my sister (21F) would be graduating next year. Her actual graduation ceremony would take place a year after (so in two years). She was showing my father (66M) a tiktok video of a student whose parents surprised her with a bouquet of flowers and cake on her graduation day when she received her gown and cap. 

My father's reaction to this sweet video was: ""This is stupid. Why would I waste my time showing up to my daughter's university like that?"" knowing that this person's actual graduation ceremony will take place a year after, so her family surprised her to make the day a celebration anyway. I scoffed at my father's reaction, even though I expected it. 

He also didn't attend either of our high school graduation ceremonies and he made it a point to say: ""I don't attend these idiotic gatherings."" 
My sister looked visibly upset by his reaction and I could tell she was hoping my father would say something like: ""I'll go above and beyond for your special day,"" or at least, ""That's very sweet. How nice of them to do that for their daughter."" 

Anyway, I ended up telling my sister not to worry and that we'll drive up to her college on her graduation day and go above and beyond with giant sparklers and her favorite cake, and that we don't need my father to do any of it. 

Then I turned to him and asked, ""Why are you so against these celebrations, anyway? At this point, I don't even want you to attend my graduation and I think the ticket should go to someone who's more than happy to buy me cake on the most important day of my life."" 
He got really mad at that and said he spent his whole life paying for my schooling and that he has the right to be there and that I'm being ""insolent"". 

I then told him that I didn't think he contributed much at all to my upbringing (he was gone half the time) and reminded him that he booked a two month getaway to Thailand during my high school final exam and graduation period so that he could avoid having to comfort me during stressful times or being there for when I succeeded, and he got even more mad, just yelling out and screaming phrases I can't remember. 

My mom (50F) asked me to apologize because I ""stepped out of line"" and that I always ""cause problems"" and get him angry on purpose. I refuse to do so, but now even my sister is saying I should've kept quiet, and now I'm conflicted. 

Am I in the wrong? 
Advice would be appreciated. Thank you! ","Your father is fighting you about a theoretical ticket two years from now for an ""idiotic gathering"" he already knows he won't attend. 

Your father is an abusive control freak and your mother is used to pandering to him, whether that's to protect herself or because she's also an AH I can't tell from their post. 

You and your sister should go no contact as soon as you can. Don't invite either to your graduation or any important events going forward."
AITAH For Letting My Annoyance Show,"Yesterday while I was out shopping my wife texted me to ask what seat number I’d reserved for a show, so she could get the neighboring seat. 

I immediately (albeit with misgivings—see below) replied to her text by texting her the seat number. 

Later that afternoon I decided to take a little nap before the show. As I’m getting comfortable she walks in and asks me the seat number. I was annoyed and I guess it showed but I gave her the seat number and then said, “I’m sorry to seem annoyed, I thought I’d texted you that number.”

The truth is she has a long history of doing this, specifically surrounding texting. I even hesitated to respond to the original text, trying to avoid this dynamic. We’ve had long discussions and arguments about it, and her position is always to insinuate that checking one’s text is somehow indolent behavior: “I don’t spend all day checking my texts.” In fact, yesterday when she asked again, I was somewhat proud of myself for giving her the info rather than insisting she account for the texts. However,  she was hurt and felt I disrespected her and didn’t love her. 

Would IBTAH to set a boundary regarding texting, and what might that look like? I’ve already tried “please don’t text me if you’re going to ignore my response.” No joy. I hate to think I should just put her on ignore or block her texts. This is incredibly frustrating to me. ",NTA.  If she isn’t going to read the response to her questions then she shouldn’t ask them in a text.
WIBTAH if I broke up with my bf?,"Hi all, I (f21) will start with the fact I am beyond pissed. I think my only option is breakup with my bf but I wanna know what you would do.

My bf (m21) of 4 years and I are about to get our first home together we just got the mortgage approval. We were discussing the best options for joining our banks together. 

Long story short this quickly turned into him calling me retarded any time I tried to give my insight. I told him that’s just rude and he can disagree without being an asshole. He apologised then went straight back to saying it again and shouting. When I eventually got upset after asking him repeatedly to calm it down he said “why do you always get so angry and upset all the time I hate when you do this to me”. 

I explained how I repeatedly told him his words were making me upset and that his apology doesn’t mean shit when he immediately does it again right after. He threw a huge tantrum and tried to turn everything on me saying that I’m not perfect and he doesn’t bring it up so I shouldn’t either.

I explained that if he spoke to anyone this way they would get upset and bring it up and it’s not healthy to let blatant rudeness and disrespect go it’s not like you forgot to flush the toilet. He was told he needs to take accountability for himself and stop pointing the finger onto me. He then told me the biggest problem in his life right now is the fact he thought he could buy a house with me and be happy.

Eventually after considerable conversation he agreed and apologised properly and admitted he took things too far in the heat of the moment.

I expressed that although I understand that he does have the same pattern of blaming me any time I bring something up to him and I think it’s only smart to see a couples counsellor prior to moving in together. Keep in mind we have lived together renting from parents for 2 years but I just think this is a much bigger deal financially tying myself to someone who will freak out over something that could have been a simple conversation.

He just said he wanted us to go home and ignored the statement entirely. I also want to clarify I said this very nicely and said it would be good for both of us to break bad habits and get a different view point to understand each other better so he didn’t feel like I was putting everything on him. I’m just typing from the soul now to you guys.

Once we were home he went inside the house forgetting his bag. I had some shopping that didn’t fit into my bag so I grabbed his to chuck things into it. 

In his bag I found 2 vodka bottles 1L each and a full bottle of wine. Never did he mention buying these all week and also we don’t drink unless it’s a birthday or a celebration. I realised he stress bought one at the shop in between us arguing from his receipt I found dated and time. This already made me pissed because that’s a shit coping mechanism and he had ignored me the whole ride home.

Little did I expect to walk into the house and find him flushing weed down the toilet. He pretended it wasn’t and he didn’t know what it was but I’m not a moron.

Backstory he used to smoke casually 2 years ago but it became addictive and he found it difficult to quit. He has lied to me multiple times about smoking even though I told him it was fine as long as he was honest about it and it didn’t negatively impact his work or life. It’s been a year I think of no smoking not even with friends but he could be lying.

So now I’ve been lied to, I feel betrayed, he didn’t talk to me about it just left to visit his mum. Once he came home I asked to talk to him which he agreed to but just fell asleep in front of me. I woke him twice and he kept saying he was going to come talk to me in 1 minute. 

I don’t want to break up because of the love we have shared these past years but idk what else I can do now. He’s told me before this will never happen again and it’s honestly like the 20th time now. 

So what would you do? Any advice is welcome and appreciated :)",are you guys married?  If not why the hell are you signing a 30 year note together?
WIBTAH for banning my aunt’s friend and her daughter from my home after they kept showing up uninvited?,"I work two jobs and am a full-time student. Because of this, I am very protective of my alone time and value it whenever I'm free.
My aunt has a friend, her manager let's call her ""Brittany,"" who has a 12-year-old daughter, ""Ashley."" They live five hours away. Ashley acts much older than her age,  gets mad and already yells at her mom, and is spoiled rotten. Recently, she has become attached to me because she thinks I’m ""popular"" and is obsessed with the ""cozy"" aesthetic of my apartment. She keeps telling her mom she wants to live with me. Instead of shutting this down, Brittany encourages it.

2nd UPDATE: I’ve read your comments advising me to just say No. I get it, but I forgot to mention the heavy guilt-tripping involved. Brittany assumes that because I'm ""cool"" and civil, I'm just a chill niece. Makes her think she can walk all over me. Her go-to excuse is always ""Ashley is just a kid,"" which she uses to justify their entitlement. Being polite has backfired; they now think they can do whatever they want in my home.

The problem is that they keep showing up at my place uninvited. They travel five hours just to crash my limited free time just because her daughter wanted to.


Last time, they appeared uninvited again. They ate my food just because her daughter said my house always has dinner, That dinner was supposed to be what I eat before bed, lol, They stayed in my place for 4 nights.
I only cook enough portions for myself. When I didn't get up to cook a new meal for them, Ashley had the audacity to whine and looked like she was about to cry out of pure anger. They were quiet ,my aunt said she would whine about it to Brittany. And Brittany knew that was wrong. But she engaged anyway. The breaking point was my dog. I have a Dachshund, and Ashley keeps picking him up roughly because he’s ""so cute."" Dachshunds have fragile backs, and he hates it, but Brittany refuses to parent her child or tell her to stop. 


I realized Brittany does this on purpose to avoid cooking for her other kids and to escape her own messy house. 
I’m not a babysitter, I didn't cook anything 

I told my aunt to tell them that I am no longer available and that I don’t want anyone in my apartment besides me. I wanted to find a nicer excuse, but I couldn't think of anything else. I'm at my very limit.

Update: My aunt was terrified to send them the message. Because Brittany basically owns her, She's actually her manager. Her career depends on Brittany and Impressing her. And now I'm afraid I'll be seen as the villain for stepping my feet down impacting my aunt as a result.

I feel like I’m being held hostage in my own home by a 12-year-old’s whims, but I also don't want to be the reason my aunt loses her livelihood.

WIBTAH if I avoid opening the door for them?

I genuinely need advice on this dynamic: Why does she let a 12-year-old make executive decisions? She drags us into this chaos rather than teaching her daughter that inviting yourself over to sleep,play on my console, Bother my dog and demand dinner is socially unacceptable.","OP, don't sit in terror anticipating a knock on your door. Don't try to pass this job off to your aunt. Take this bull by the horns and handle it directly yourself. It isn't hard.

Get Brittany's phone number and call her. That's right, an old fashioned phone call. Talk to her directly.

DO not give her ANY details. Just tell Brittany nicely but firmly that you cannot host her or Ashley anymore. Tell her unfortunately, if they show up at your apartment again, they will not find an open door. Tell her it's a decision YOU made, because this is what is best for YOU, and is what YOU need from now on, and wish her well."
AITAH for kissing my best friends ex. Pls help,"I feel terrible and I’m not sure if I need to be told how much of an AH I am or for some strangers to tell me it’s gonna be ok. Context: I (22F) kissed my best friend of like 15 years’s ex (23M) a few months ago and can’t stop thinking about it. They dated for 2.5 years and broke up around two years ago. Things ended on pretty good terms, just sort of outgrew each other. They are still friends and the three of us are still semi in a big friend group together. I’ve asked her before if she felt comfortable that me and him hang out sometimes and she said yes. Long story short me and him went on a camping trip with some of our friends and were watching a movie together in my tent. Sort of admitted we both had crushes on each other and made out for a bit (for a while). I’ve never had a boyfriend or even really feelings for a man so I have no idea how it feels to have an ex boyfriend out in the world. I gather from TV and stuff that kissing a friends ex is a big no no, but I am struggling to put myself in my friends shoes here. Am I beating myself up over nothing? Are they both their own person at this point? Or did I really break girl code in a catastrophic way? People who have dated before and have some insight on the situation pls give me your worst.","This just totally depends on the dynamic! I have been part of groups with ex-couples in them where it would not have been a big deal at all, they were young then and are well and truly over it now. From the teeny context I have here, this may be the case for you. 

For others, especially with bad breakups, it would be a betrayal. 

I think at this point, you gotta tell your friend, because hiding it makes it seem like you’ve done something wrong and know it, even if you haven’t. Then you’ll know for sure. But I know that those “rules” aren’t 100% and this feels like it might be one of those times."
AITAH for wanting some time with just my wife while on her best friend’s bachelorette?,"Hi there! I, Daeley (29F) and my wife (27F) (and co-maid of honor) are going on her childhood best friends co-bachelor/bachelorette party in a month and a half. They are doing a 4 day Bahaman cruise with a night prior in miami at an air bnb. all the bridal party and their spouses are going. So about 20 people in total not including the couple. Our 1 year wedding anniversary is a week after the cruise and we are kind of considering this a little trip to celebrate that as well because we can’t afford todo 2 so close together. We weren’t expecting much just splurging on a drink package and different things like that to just really make it feel nice. It was made to seem like we would have little bouts of time separated from the group. I am not expecting a whole day. I am not even expecting a dinner or more than a couple of hours a day. to just be to us. I also have severe anxiety and other mental health issues that cause me to become very overstimulated easily by being around people and having to mask so much. Especially people I don’t know. My wife only partially knows them because they are the couples extended family or college that my wife knows mildly because over time she has met them all. My wife made a small comment about us kind of using it as an anniversary trip. No means avoiding or not doing any group events or celebrating them. Just splurging a bit here and there while also hoping just a small amount of alone time and she got super snippy with her. 

Mind you we have already spent 2500 dollars on this trip. plus another 300 on bridal shower. All the points the parties are accruing are paying for the couples trip. None of this including our outfits for the wedding, the pre-wedding  air bnb, and the cost of the 4 days of wedding weekend events. Plus we got a power point with dress code for what to wear during the day and then a separate theme for each night. we are very neutral, athleisure, and simple outfits so other than one night and one day outfit we will be having to be purchasing 2 outfits for all 5 days for both of us. Mind you we take responsibility for some of the cost on the cruise. But honestly if we knew it was gonna be this much and we wouldn’t get anytime alone together i probably wouldn’t have went because we have stuff we are trying to pay off and wanting to start to try and have kids which for us will be very expensive.

So, am I the ass hole for wanting some time with just my wife while on her best friend’s bachelorette?",I highly doubt all these couples going on this cruise will be spending 24/7 with the couple anyway. You’re making something out of nothing and spiralling. Calm down and go enjoy the cruise you have night time hours together don’t you.
"AITAH for immediately saying ""no"" when my husband asked me to stop wearing earrings because he said they make a woman look older ?","My husband (41m) looks significantly younger than me (43f). Yesterday, my husband said he would like to talk to me. He told me loves me, and that nothing will ever change that. He said I'm an amazing mom. And more sweet things. 

Then he mentioned how earrings makes a woman look older. He asked if I could stop wearing earrings makes they're making me look older. In less than 20 seconds of him asking, I said ""no."" I don't think I have ever rejected a request from my husband so fast. I usually think things though for a longer period. 

My husband said he's disappointed that I answered no so quickly. I got annoyed with him and told him he has the deal with the fact that he has an old-looking wife. He said he didn't want to deal with me when I'm like this, and he walked away. Am I the asshole ?",How do earrings make a woman look old anyway?
AITAH for getting someone to send me back my lost property and then keeping it?,"About 1.5 years ago, I lost my Apple Watch while riding my motorcycle on a highway. I immediately put it into Lost Mode, and it stayed linked to my Apple ID the entire time.

Recently, a man from another country contacted my sister, whose phone number was set as the emergency contact on the watch. He told us he had bought the Apple Watch second-hand but couldn’t use it because it was still locked to my account.

I asked him for the serial number and realized it was definitely the same watch I had lost back then. At that point, I knew the watch legally belonged to me, since it was lost property and never removed from my Apple ID.

Instead of directly telling him “this is my watch and I’m keeping it,” I told him to send it to me so I could “reset it.” Once it arrived, I was able to confirm through Apple’s activation lock and my account that it was mine. I reactivated it and kept it. I did reimburse him for the shipping costs.

Now I’m wondering:
AITAH for not being fully upfront and using this approach to get my lost property back, even though it legally belonged to me the whole time?","Have you heard from him since he sent it?

ETA - I’m guessing the guy knew he was not getting the watch back. Anyone could look up how to deactivate lost mode on a watch. You could have done that without the watch."
AITAH for refusing to do my best friend’s nails with products she bought,"I 24 female have a big group of friends around eight girls from the age of 23 to 25. We all have best friends in between the group that we’re close with than others. I’m close with a girl named Stacy.


Me and her have been friends for a while and I’ve been doing nails since I was 11 years old. I loved doing them so much and originally I got my products for 70 to 100 bucks off Amazon and I did all my friends nails and all my family nails every single time I would do Stacy‘s nails she would always ask for a long dedicated designs on each finger with gems and boutique painting, but every single time she wouldn’t pay me and would bit them off within an hour of getting them done,  saying I like the feeling of chewing on them but whenever she got her nails done somewhere else, she wouldn’t touch them and my other friends would pay me no matter what design it would be. And their nails would last sometimes more than a month so I know it’s not because of the application or products. I didn’t really mind because I enjoy doing nails and she was my best Friend.

Then more and more people decided to come to me asking for me to do their nails so I wanted to get professional nail stuff in case I told one of my friends that and it got around to Stacy, so Stacy bought me nail serum gels some stuff for acrylics and the basics of what you need to do nails from an actual nail company I was so excited and I bought the rest that I needed with my own money(I used the same brand of nail products that her nail salon dose) 

Now that I professional stuff all my friends started paying me even more it was a really good business. Eventually, I ran it out almost every single product that my friend bought me and I re-bought everything fast-forward a few weeks me and my friend group got invited to a party and I was doing all the girls nails. Stacy asked me to do her nails. I told her if I did her nails with my professional products she could not bite them off she promised me she wouldn’t bite them off and she would keep them on so I did her nails in the next day. The whole friend group met up to go to the event I spent five hours on her nails doing perfect designs and paintings on each fingernail and gems and everything like that when I saw her she had no nails on and told me the reason why is because she was watching the show late at night and liked chewing on them. And she “didn’t really care about them” I was so offended. I spent so long doing those noodles and if you didn’t want a salon, I feel like they’d be around $200. I was really mad. but I did have fun at the party

The same host of the previous party decided to have another one and invite us again. It was about two months later so I did all of the girls nails again and they love them so much. All of them paid me like usual, but Stacy begged me over and over for me to do her nails and said it was with the product she bought and I told her I didn’t even have any of the products she bought me left and she said I was probably using them stupidly but I absolutely refused every single time. I do her nails she bites them off within an hour or the next day I’m sick and tired of it and I’m not ready to waste my good products for chewing I used her nail salons products and the exact same things they used I know it’s not my application the nail products and every single time she said she loved them so

And again I told her no, and she made a huge scene in front of all of our friends and didn’t even end up going to the party and she’s extremely mad at me AITAH? 

EDIT: I talked to my friend group and all of them think I’m in the right and all of them love my nail art, especially the ones that I made for Stacy all of them messaged her extremely polite, not ganging up on her or doing anything rude or inappropriate, but politely said that she should give me a little bit of compensation, and I have the right to not want to do her nails anymore 

She got extremely mad at all of them and gave a lot of backlash. I officially messaged her. I’m extremely sorry and that I loved our friendship, but I’m not doing that. I’m no longer doing her nails anymore even if she pays me or not I don’t care about the previous nails that I’ve done I don’t care about the money, but she’s furious and thinks I’m being so dramatic and wants her nails done for an event she has in a few weeks. I told her to go to the salon. She normally goes to because she never wants to bite them off when she goes there. but she told me she was struggling with money. I said this in the most respectful way ever I did not care. She treated me with no respect at all, and I’m no longer doing her nails for her.

My friends keep posting their nails that I do for them and she keeps commenting on them “the unfair treatment is insane.” The whole entire friend group is done with this and is all on my side so she’s no longer in the friend group and I will no longer be doing her nails based off your guys suggestions thank you so much for your info and suggestions if you have any more info or questions in the comments, please let me know. I will try to answer and one of my friends got into a argument with her and she said she wants to meet in person in a couple of days so I will update you guys","NTA, but the solution seems simple. Just make her pay like everyone else, then she can chew and waste her money as she pleases. Win win."
AITAH for confiding in my friends when my fiancé cheated.,"My Fiancé (28M) and I (28F) have been together for 4 years. We had a baby and got engaged about a year ago. I have two kids from a previous marriage.

When we first got together, I had caught him on GRINDER looking at shirtless men. He explained that he was sexually assaulted by a man when he was younger and sometimes has urges to look at men. I told him idc if he likes men or women but if you want a relationship you can’t look at other people let alone talk to them. He agreed or so I thought.

A few weeks ago, he went to the emergency room because he had pain when urinating and discharge. I guess he forgot that we have a family MyChart because he told me had an infection that would clear up with antibiotics. HE HAD Gonnorhea.

I was stunned. I decided to read the visit summary which he told the doctor we had anal sex on Christmas eve. We hadn’t had sex since the beginning of the month.

When I confronted him, he said he must’ve had it from before we got together. I asked my doctor because that did not seem accurate, she said there is no way he just started symptoms out of no where. Plus I was tested and NEGATIVE. I was treated anyway just to be safe.

After I told him that the doctor said it was impossible, he finally admitted what happened.. After I went to sleep with the baby, he snuck out and met up with a guy on grinder. He said he wanted a blowjob but the guy was pushy so it escalated further. He said he instantly regretted it.

I have since called off the engagement, but im at a loss. I can’t wrap my head around how he could do this when I have funded our lifestyle. I work in behavioral health/ social work and spend my 8-5 helping people with extreme mental illness. So some days I am mentally drained when I come home, but I’m always attentive to him. He was a stay at home dad for the first year of our son’s life and recently started working at Walmart.

He believes if we break up he should get our baby because and I quote “I already have two kids.” I feel betrayed, sad, and confused. My life just crumbled in front of me when I was so happy.

I confided in a few of my close friends who I trust. he read the conversation and is upset I told them his business. I didn’t see it that way because my friends and I share everything. AITAH for confiding in my friends for advice? ","NTA. He definitely is, though. He could have put your health at risk, not to mention he's a POS for cheating."
AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend after he asked me to abort our pregnancy even though it could cause medical complications?,"I recently found out im about 4 weeks pregnant with my boyfriend’s child. Im 21 and he’s 23. It wasnt planned at all, and after seeing a doctor I was told I might have a higher risk of complications because of my medical history. Because of that, making any decision about the pregnancy has been really scary for me and stressful.

When I told my boyfriend, his first reaction was saying I should just abort. He said he isnt ready, that a baby would mess up his plans, and that abortion was the logical choice. I tried explaining my health concerns and how afraid I am, but he kept pushing it and said I was being emotional and not thinking straight.

I honestly didnt feel supported at all. I wasnt asking him to be happy or excited, I just wanted him to care about my health and actually talk things through with me. Instead it felt like he was pressuring me into a decision that could affect me both physically and emotionally.

After a few days of arguing and him still insisting that abortion was the only option, I decided to break up with him. I felt like if he couldnt respect my body or my health now, then I cant trust him as a partner in something this serious.

Some of my friends say I overreacted and should of given him more time to process everything. Others say I did the right thing by choosing myself and my well being.

So am I the asshole for breaking up with him?","Him telling you to abort is technically agreeing with the doctors who said that carrying a baby will come with a higher risk of complications due to your medical history. You said it yourself in the very first paragraph. 

You can break up with him if you want. You did. Your NTA. He doesn’t want a baby, and neither do you, just don’t let your fear paralyze you into not making any decisions, because then it gets to a point where you don’t have options anymore. 

Do what is right for you."
"AITAH, am I the asshole for telling my sister not to talk to me until she becomes a better person.","Context:
Hi I (19f) have always been a people pleaser and have gotten walked over my whole life. Ik that's my fault for never sticking up for myself. My and my sister (16f) have never gotten along, we fought our whole lives mainly because she was my dad's favorite (my parents are divorced and we had mandatory visitation with my dad). Example: she got a camara, stuffed animal, phone for her bday and I got a used mug that's my brother's and has been in the cabinets for years and a bag or rocks for Christmas. Now my dad is narrssasictic, manipulative, and he gaslights like no other. My sister has since the divorce picked up a lot of his not good qualities listed above. To avoid trouble and fighting I mostly don't talk to her. I stopped visitation when I turned 18 and never saw or spoke to my dad again. I moved into a house with my bf at 18 1/2. My sister the week I moved out wrote me a letter saying how I don't care about anyone but myself, I left her at dads alone (with 3 of my other siblings) she hates me. And basically trash talked my whole family. I decided it was best for me to ignore the letter to avoid a fight. 9 months later and I've still not said a word to her or text and neither has she, I'm waiting on an apology and she thinks she's done nothing wrong. So last night I went up to get my colored pencils I had left behind. They were gone and in my sister's tote. I asked for them and she said they were hers (even though ik they weren't because they had my name on them). I said to her well someone took them. She said my little sister (8f) lets call her Sara, Sara  plays over there and probably took them, but she never would though she would look but not take and she mainly just plays on top of the tote not in. I gave up not pressing about the pencils because I can just buy more and it's not worth a fight. Then later she sends me a picture of Sara playing on top of the tote and said see she does it too. So I responded with ok that and I don't care if you play with my stuff if you give it back when I need it. She went off saying shes never touched my things. Even though there has been multiple cases where she's wearing my shirts and 2 days later I ask for it back and she says she's never seen it. So I replied with it's not about the pencils it's the principal of everything and the fact that you do this all the time. She said I sent you the picture as a joke, mom told me to reach out to you and that's what I was trying to do, but since clearly you don't want me in your life fine, consider you blocked and out of my life. I responded with I never said I don't want you in my life, but we haven't talked in months and you're going to send something that we were just arguing about as a ""joke"". I don't want jokes I want an apology for the crap you've said and done, go ahead and block me I've done just fine this last year and have never said a word to you. Don't talk to me until you become a better person.

-I know what I said was harsh and out of line. I know that I should apologize. I know it was wrong. But she knows how to push my buttons. I never lose my temper but I did that time. She says things just like my dad always did. She guilt trips. I know she's family and blood and whatever but since the stuff with my dad blood means nothing to me. My family is who I choose to love and have in my life and I don't need someone who is constantly trying to make me feel bad in my life. I still love my family deeply but I just can't talk with her right now

So am I the asshole for doing that? ",NTA. Sometimes its better to love someone from a distance to protect ones emotional health.
AITAH for trying to train both my dog and my parents atp?,"My dog who's five years now, has been a practical nightmare, so im just gonna write a FEW of the things he does.

. pees everywhere  
. over excited ALWAYS  
. aggressive sometimes

. climbs or rests on people at the dinning table even if he just ate.

. ONLY listens to a command if he wants to (like lowkey i be telling him, ""c'mere"" and he just stares at me and sits back down)

He was my very first dog i ever had and i had him since i was like in middle school, so i didnt really know how to train him but i did what the internet told me and some of it worked, he knows how to sit, stay, high five... etc, but only when he wants to, so of course i was annoyed, i grew up in those years and i realized that a dog should NOT be acting like this, so this year since i was unemployed af i decided to try and train him to be less aggressive, and to help with all the issues i listed above gradually.

the aggressiveness was the worst sooo i started with it, i tried ways such as if he ever gets aggressive to not yell at him since he doesn't really understand that concept and it kind of worked but my parents both, whenever he literally does anything wrong yell at him and point at him and of course i understood later that this is not right, so i told them no that they shouldn't be doing this and all i get back is to shut up, when it comes to him standing on our legs at the dining table, i told them to ignore him and not look at him because he literally JUST ate, however my dad just gives him bits and pieces of our food still...

whenever he's aggressive or basically doing anything wrong they give him treats and i keep telling them no that's not how it works and they keep ignoring me.  sometimes they DO listen and do what i say before going back to their weird old ways, im not gonna mention everything since it will be all day but these are a few examples.

also he bit us MULTIPLE times, and my final straw was today, we had a guest over, he didnt full on bite him but he was quite aggressive and managed to graze our guest's hand, before he came out to the guest he was in my room, my mom told me to let him outside, i told her if the guest was scared then we shouldn't and that i should keep him in my room altogether, they still told me to take him outside and when he started acting frantic EVERYONE yelling and giving him commands he was clearly overstimulated i managed to let him sit down and calm down, but my dad of course decided to tell him to get up and sit somewhere else and then he started acting frantic again which gained me a yell from my dad for basically doing WHAT THEY SAID. 

(fyi my mom told me to put his leash on, i didn't care about that it was the method she's using basically making our dog ""believe"" that he was going outside using words like ""walk"" or ""let's go"" which stimulate the concept of ""taking a walk"" which is definitely not the right way to leash him i mean there are just so many wrong things here so i told her to just take the leash off and leave him in my room, but that didn't go as planned clearly)

i honestly don't know if i suck or we shouldn't have a dog altogether but funny or not this seriously is taking a toll on my own mental health cause NO ONE IS LISTENING TO ME, so i have one question, aita for trying to get them to train our dog properly?","NTA. Your parents shouldn't be allowed dogs.

ETA. You should try and get him to a training class. Your parents need to come too. The dog isn't bad. Your parents are failing him."
AITAH for talking back to my friend’s wife?,"My friend’s wife would once in awhile message me two days after hanging out about things that I did that she didn’t like in a way that is very awkward and off putting. One of the examples could be if I don’t share the same interest as the rest of the group by not really wanting to participate in one activity such as board games, she will lecture me about it two days later via messenger. I will take accountability that perhaps I should humor the hosts more by participating even if I don’t really feel like it or perhaps I should have been more attentive at times,(using my phone less) etc. I truly do recognize these errors and have made efforts to correct these behaviors though at times I have still slipped up. However, what bothers me most is if my friend’s wife takes issue with something, she doesn’t call it out in the moment so it can be resolved there but waits until days later to message me about it which I find very awkward and unnecessary. She’s been rather rude and confrontational in the way she conveys her message at times as well. 

She’s even gone as far as to attack me via messenger with ridiculous accusations and cut me off from her and my friend for months on end. When her and my friend were still dating she accused me of not asking her to hang out enough but I kindly explained that I stopped initiating because it seemed the two of them were always busy together and that her work schedule made it too hard to make plans days in advance. She just then told me that she didn’t believe me, didn’t want to be my friend anymore and that she told my friend about how we kissed years before they met just to turn him against me. I never officially dated her because I knew I wouldn’t have been able to handle a serious relationship with her and I didn’t want to jeopardize a friendship. Anyways, she cut me off until they came back to me a year later as if nothing happened. The second time was because she lied and accused me of talking bad about another friend in our group when I ran into her Dad one day and when asked about our night, what we did etc, I casually mentioned that we left the bar early that night because someone in our group had too much to drink. Her Dad already knew about said friend’s drinking habits. FYI My friend tells everyone stories about nights I got really drunk. I defended myself when confronted and this argument ended in them canceling big plans we had and disappearing for a month and then coming back as if nothing happened. 

 While I did enjoy visiting with these people and doing things with them such as chatting, joking, watching movies, clubbing, going to restaurants, bars, karaoke, playing darts, taking walks etc which are all activities these two enjoyed doing as well, there would be other activities they may like which I’m not as interested in such as bowling or board games. The last time we hung out, our group went to a bar and sang karaoke but by the time we got back I was feeling pretty tired from how much I drank so I didn’t really have the ability to focus on whatever board game it was that the rest of my friend group was going to play. My friend put on a movie for me to watch and I fell asleep. She messaged me about this two days later pretending to be nice about it at first and started cornering me on the matter until she finally said, “I guess we will make less time for you then if you don’t share some of the same interests we do.” I had enough and said, “do you really want to start with me now?”  “I’m gone most of the F*ing year anyways.” My job as a crew member on cargo ships requires me to be at sea for months at a time so getting told that when my time back at home is already limited irked me a bit too much. She AND her husband just blocked me this time and I have decided that if they reach out to me again like they’ve done before, I won’t accept it because now that my friend has done nothing to vouch for me/mediate which makes me feel betrayed by him since just two days prior he was talking about how I was such a great friend to him and that he would always be there for me. At this point I have no reason to put up with her anymore either since he has clearly sided against me as well on this one and I have no other reason to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I am tired of walking on eggshells when dealing with his wife and having her snipe at me via Facebook messenger when I least expect it. Also with my current line of work, I have to mind my P’s and Q’s all the time when dealing with my bosun, mates, and Captain so the last thing I want is to feel the same way when I am back at home. AITA?

Note: I would address the husband as a friend and not her because I felt that she was always the antagonizer and he would just put up with it but now I am starting to feel that he has succumbed to her ways also.","Does she do it to the other people too?

You should ask the others if they get her crazed messages also"
AITAH for wanting to go to another country for another semester without my gf.,"I (18 m) and my gf (18 f) are both from a 3rd worlds country, and were able to get into a good uni in italy. This year is our first of 3, and recently we have been made aware about the possibilities that come with studying in the EU (mainly erasmus). As far as I know, we are able to only use this opportunity twice (once each year), and I have been doing research for both of our programmes, and found that we mostly just need credits, a good gpa, and a english certificate. But when sharing with her, she said that her ielts expired last december, so i started looking for alternatives and doing research. I suggested maybe taking a english exam at the uni, and she got really angry at me for overloading her with more work (she studies ACSAI so understandable to some extent), but i really believe it wouldnt be much trouble to take the exam and b2 for her.

After this she said she wont go, and I asked why to which she said she just doesnt care and I can go without. I know its an obvious trap, but I really see this opportunity as something very important in my educational and working career (I study business science, so networking I feel like is very beneficial). She did not like that and said it made her feel awful, and that in this case since she ""holds me back"" (which I never said), she wants to brake up.

In the beginning I really wanted to go together, and made the tough choice and decided that the 1 semester apart is worth it. She called me egoistic for that, though I whole heartedly believe this could benefit both of us.

I love her so much, and I really do not want to break up our 1 year together, but I feel like she is not listening to me and being rather immature. What do I do?","NTA

Make your decisions based on what's best for YOU and your future. Not your girlfriend. If she's threatening to break up, just let her. 

School and your future is much more important than an 18 year old girl who is trying to control you."
AITAH for letting my fiancé know that I will have to rethink marriage if he wants children?,"EDIT- Thank you everyone for the comments, I appreciate them all even the blunt harsh ones, I spoke to my partner and he will be speaking to his friend and get him to apologise and said he would also tell him our business with relation to kids is off the table for conversation. We have spoken in a bit more detail too and have said that even though he has reiterated he doesnt need it, we agreed to plan for a few years so that he can be ‘sure’, he said he is already but it doesnt hurt to delay it for a bit, marriage isnt our main focus, our relationship is 🙂 Thank you to most of the comments with the advice and the well wishes and for reassurance, I think I honestly needed it because his friend got in my head a bit! Only normal for things like that to happen sometimes. I appreciate you all 😁

I 28F have been with my FH Dan (fake name) for 10 years. We were together young and grew up together. We are very happy and seem to be on the right page about everything. Marriage we were both happy to wait until our mid 20s to establish ourselves knowing that up to then is when people change the most and see where we end up - we take every day as it comes but we just seemed to get stronger so 2 years ago he proposed. Everything has been going really great still so no issues as far as I know of.

However recently I think he began to question himself and what he really wants. The reason for this post is that we dont want children. We have both been VERY clear on this matter to each other and everyone else. We are good with kids, but there is a lot of reasons why we dont want them. Again we’re on the same page - His friends are all having kids and a lot of the time he cant wait to get home and honestly im the same (he has ADHD and he gets very overwhelmed with loud people and noises). We have a friend who has 2 kids who are so good and really lovely, polite, sweet and funny. He is also quite highly influenced on his opinions when things are positive or seem that way then he’ll go back to normal a few weeks later. So if people get a new car and its perfect, he fixates on that aim, sees someone bettering their life exercising, he will do it too. Now this friend has had kids and is saying Dan would be a good dad, that he’ll have kids one day etc even when saying we dont want kids (ill be honest I find it a bit disrespectful that he constantly says it but I know he doesnt mean ‘harm’ by it), but my partners response is what worried me because he said yeah maybe, I could be convinced but OP less so. I overheard as we were in the same room and he was on his gaming headset and the friend talks really loud and I was just studying so what I was doing was quiet.

I sat there panicking for about 20 minutes before I told him we need to talk about what id heard. We talked it out and apparently he was just fobbing his friend off because he keeps saying this stuff. I said thats good because if he changed his mind I think marriage shouldn’t happen until its figured out whether he wants kids because that is one thing I dont think should be compromised on as a lot of resentment can happen if not dealt with correctly and I wont change my mind on the fact I dont want kids so he needs to tell me now whether its a consideration or not. He denied it was a consideration and we talked, it was a mature conversation and it was resolved really fast. No issues at all there. However his friend started to criticise that id ‘let everything go’ instead of compromising and having a child and that having a family is the best thing in the world.

If my FH said he would want kids id consider ending things with him because he deserves that family and id hold him back not wanting them - id let him go for him to have that because I cannot give that to him without feeling like the only one sacrificing who I am. I know id lose myself and have to give up so much ive worked hard for. There is so many other reasons I dont want them, just a few are that ive raised kids that arent even mine for the last 20 years (I was 8 when my younger sibling was born and my mom worked as a single parent so I was extremely hands on), abuse and trauma from my father and a fear of the traits from his conditions passing down, a genuine fear of being pregnant and a fear of feeling alone raising the child as my partner works very long days, just no interest etc

My partner thinks his friend is out of line but thinks he is taking frustrations out on me because he thought I was insulting him by not wanting to be ‘like them’ and be a parent. My partner also told me not to be silly as we are entitled to our own opinions on  having kids and its our choice and he needs to keep his nose out (his words) and if he hadnt of kept pushing and pushing this wouldnt have happened. (Just so you all know Id never say anything like that to anyone, i wouldnt even think it! I think being a parent is fantastic and super rewarding for those who want it, its just not for me.)

I agree that if he hadnt have pushed it wouldnt have been this big of a deal as me and my FH are still om the same page but its playing on my mind so much as to whether I should have even brought it up as it wasnt really a conversation i was originally involved in and id just heard it by chance and whether I was an AH for what i displayed to my FH.

So AITAH?","You're never TA for making sure you and your future spouse are on the same page with major life decisions like kids/no kids. Nor for being honest about where you stand and that you're not changing your view on it.


I'd have another talk with your fiance about this and make it clear to him that you're not okay with him using you as his ""excuse"" when he talks to other people. You're either together in this, or you're not. He can't be making you the bad guy to his friends. If nothing else, it's going to keep making you question how he really feels and whether he's going to suddenly change his mind down the road, say after you're married. 


Provisionally, NAH (except his friend, who's being a dick). He'll be a bit TA if he keeps hiding behind you as his shield with his friends though. "
AITAH for ghosting friends to focus on personal success?,"It’s a little more nuanced than that, but I’ll try to be short and sweet. Had some long term friends who hurt me pretty bad. Friend A made some decisions that caused her to lose a relationship and 3 more friendships within about 3 weeks. Then said some nasty things about me, I told her that was unacceptable, she told me I should have picked an audience instead of a friendship. I tried to have several conversations with her to amend what was going on. She wouldn’t apologize. Finally apologized after several weeks, then did nothing to fix the damage and tried to force her way into talking and hanging out like nothing was wrong. 

Friend B acknowledged that Friend A was wrong, but said that Friend A just doesn’t understand why she was wrong and that people shouldn’t be penalized for expressing their emotions. This rubbed me the wrong way, so I also distanced myself from this person.

In the wake of lost friendship, I’ve been focusing on work and building my financial foundation. Not as good as having the friends I thought I had, but definitely beneficial for me long term. 

AITHA? ",NTA
AITAH for telling my husband I’m not going to Korea with him if he brings his dog?,"Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective on my situation.

My husband (22M) and I (23F) are both active-duty Army, and we’re scheduled to PCS to Korea for three years this October. By then, we’ll have an 18-month-old baby and three pets: two cats and a Mastiff mix.

Recently, we had a disagreement because my husband decided that we’re only taking one cat and our dog. I’m struggling with this because I don’t think our dog will have a good quality of life in a high-rise apartment overseas. We both work long hours, and on top of that, we’re parents. Realistically, we won’t have much time during the week to properly exercise, stimulate, and care for a large, high-energy dog the way he deserves.

My concern isn’t just convenience — it’s his mental and physical well-being. I worry he’ll become bored, stressed, and possibly destructive because he won’t be getting the attention or “work” he needs. I suggested leaving him with my parents or my in-laws, since my mom doesn’t work and has a large yard where he could thrive.

My husband says he doesn’t care — he wants to take the dog and rehome one of the cats. I feel like that’s unfair to the animals and honestly disrespectful to me, especially since I’m trying to make a decision based on what’s best for everyone, not just what we want.

I told him that if he insists on this, I don’t feel comfortable going, because I believe it’s wrong for our dog’s well-being and dismissive of my concerns.

So… AITAH for standing my ground and refusing to go under these circumstances?",NTA - a Mastiff mix needs exercise and room - but do ask your parents or in-laws if they can handle him and you should also pay for his vet care. Three years is a long time for a favor.
"WIBTAH for ""exposing"" my coworkers to our manager?","Hi, alt acoount since some people in my life know my main, 

So the story is: I (M28) work in a small department in a big company with 2 more people, S - (M52) and H - (F39). Since were so small, our direct manager is the manager of the much bigger department and he's never supervising us directly so we mostly manage ourself. 

  
The work is being the last stop of truck drivers who distribute their stuff and we check their recipts to make sure everything is on the level (everything that had to be paid has been, everything that in our system is exactly what the costumer got so they dont get over/under charged). So the amount of work is final and it's all must be done same day before we go home. 

  
Now that's certainly isn't the job of my dream and I came there because it was close to home and I figured I'd have chances to advance in the big company. 

so that's most of the background, the story is that due to a lot of people leaving this job S is the most senior in our department with about 1.5 years, I come second with a bit more than a year and H is with us for about 9 months. 

S is Slow (not in a derogatory way, he just is - he needs the most simple things to be explained to him over and over again, have a very hard time using the computer dor anything and just generally do anything exteremely slowly), H is a recently divorced from an abusive relationship and has a lot of problems in her life. She's a very difficult person to work with and  she have a tendency to blow up at every little criticism and/or inconvenience.

All that leads to me doing  most of the heavy lifting of the job, tommorow I have a ""feedback meeting""with our manager to look at 2025 and look forward to 2026, in preparation for th meeting I decided to come and show him what Im doing in hopes it will lead to a raise/advancement and for things to change because I basically do the work of 2 people and get paid very little. 

I extracted the Data of yesterday and the day before that and in both of them I ""closed"" about 65-70% from the cargo runs of the day, H did about 20-25% and S did about 10% I checked a few days from december and it was all the same. Important to note that while the cargo checks are most of our work there is an insignificant work in other stuff that is less measurable so I dont have the data but I estimate my part of it is also about 70% or slightly more. 

Now, I know showing that to my manager will probably screw both of my coworkers as it will show him exactly how little they are doing and Im having second thoghts about showng it to him, so please help me decide - WIBTAH if I show him all that? ","NTA- If you don't go in there ""tattling"" about how little your coworkers are doing, and instead focus the talk on how you are excelling at tasks and are seeking a raise to compensate for the fact that you are putting in maximum effort, you'll be fine. If there are consequences to your coworkers, that can not be helped and they only have their own efforts (or lack of) to blame."
AITAH for not letting my Cancer patient visit me in my house,"Little background: We met through a Spanish class in our home country. Fast forward I moved to Canada (QC) and she moved to BC few years after me.We were never very close but we always kept in touch.

Few months ago the doctor told her that she has stage 4 cancer and she might not be here for too long. One of her last wishes is to visit my home.

But my issue is what if she takes her last breath in my home? How I will be able to overcome with the trauma later! I also have a 2 years old toddler and my husband and I we both work full time.

Also in my province we need to declare on our home record if someone dies inside the home

I never told her this issue but she kept pushing to let her come in my home! 

I feel like I am not responsible for her last wish but at the same time I feel so bad!

If you think I am not an AH then what would recommended? ","Stage 4 doesn’t always mean a person is going to drop dead any minute.  If she’s walking and talking, and ABLE to come to your house on her own, the chances are extremely slim that she’d die while visiting for a day."
"AITAH for ""stalking"" my friend","Im not a very social person. Im unemployed, searching for a job though and I dont go outside. My everyday routine is just wake up, do things in the house and maybe if my friend is on, just ask her to play. 

I've known her for a long long time. Since we were kids. She was always hot tempered and would just ditch me for anyone else if given the chance. I remember being with the teacher and her and another girl just talking about how they just can't exclude me since it feels bad.

I moved away and never saw her in person again. Its been almost 10 years.

I've been in contact with her but in 2021, I had an illness and my mental health got fucked. Never really recovered from it but back on track, she found other people to play with since she didnt have me. When I came back to video games, I thought  ""wow that is so cool! We can play with more people"" and i thought i could be as friendly to the other random strangers I just had met like I could with my friend. I was so excited.

Turns out she was excluding me and when I tried to join or get in a vc. I wanted to join over and over and begged her to let me play with them but she accused me of stressing me out and increasing her anxiety and trying to isolate her from her friends to keep her all for me. Then I got blocked by everyone I was friends with that were her friends and by her too. It was like a coordinated attack to shut me down
down. I cried a lot since I had no other friend but gradually moved on. My mental health took a big hit but I handled it barely.

Then after like 3 years or so, she texted me again, apologized for her actions (for some reason I apologized back) and said she had another friend group since something apparently happened between them. What was my reaction? The same. I thought I had grown up but looking back i had the same naive thought. ""Wow there are so many people i hope we can all be friends"". I was excited af.

So naive yet so hopeful I looked onto the future. I dreamed of when I would see her again. I played a lot at the start but like once per month or twice recently since she was never online and when she was it was full and I couldn't join.

Something felt amiss but I didnt think too much of it since she is employed and I understood that she would play less. But then she was online but not in a voice chat. I thought ""Oh she's online let's see if she can play today"" every time I saw her online I was just so happy I would drop everything for some gaming with PEOPLE since I am starving for a social life. Remember that I am always inside and outside there's no one my age where I live. Nothing to do. But then she came up with ""im having problems with x so im not going to play"". I understood that and said ""im sorry to hear that"". I can't give advice and my social life is non existent so I couldn't help her. 

The other day I installed a client that would use less ram and somehow I could see she was online and playing games. I was excited to join too but apparently I gained the ability to see hidden channels. 

The same amiss feeling just got me and I asked her if she was playing. She probably thought I saw activity through steam so she said yes. I asked her about the vc she was in and I couldn't join. She said u had to be moved there from the other vc. I asked her if she could do that and ""y"" apparently put them there cus she didnt want people she wasn't close with in her voice chat but earlier that week had talked to me. Alright, alright valid. Asked her if she had perms to join that on her own and she said yes. I said ""sorry for annoying u"". She replied that y and z were helping her through what x did and apologized. I for some reason felt guilty and apologized back because I felt that she should trust me since we've known each other for so long and I trusted her with my problems.

Same day asked ""y"" if my friend was doing well, she said she's ok. I was glad.

Next day, same hidden vc bs starts. I asked her to join and waited in a joinable vc to get moved. She and her friend move to another vc and I comment on it. I text ""y"" and say ive been worried for my friend since she hadn't said anything and apparently was unwell. (Lies, i was just so scared of being excluded again, i just wanted answers) She accused me of being possessive and a red flag. I didnt think that through i thought i was just being apparently the good friend by being worried, yeah I was just thinking about my own ass but I didnt want to admit that. Then I see my friend start typing and typing. I just know its coming. That paragraph of ""i can't be ur friend anymore yadda yadda"" yeah and it came. Accused me of stalking her and stressing her and making her anxiety worse and trying to isolate her. The one who was excluding me was accusing me of isolating her. I barely even talked to her how am I isolating her? I retorted and said I wasn't doing that and for her to call me to talk it out and she blocked me. Along with all her friends that I thought were my friends too. Same scenario as a few years ago. The role that could access those fucking hidden vcs was named ""important people"". I guess i wasn't worthy of being important. That will keep randomly popping up in my mind and its already starting to.

Im still crying about this even after like 3 hours. I dont have any other friend and she knows that. I wished her all the best anyway. I was pretty much on my own in the recent months, barely catching her online and in a vc i could join. But its hitting me so hard I should of have seen this coming. She was always like this. How am I this dumb? How should I have handled this better? I mean if I didnt want to be friends anymore with a certain person I would just tell them and not hide around and make up excuses...",So basically she played you twice!! The minute you started to see the same old behaviours you should have just left it alone. Beyond that you’re responsible for your own happiness you’re never going to be happy being an unemployed shut in who doesn’t socialise with anyone. I really hope you start living a life and start putting yourself out there with real people not anyone online. It’s a slow process but you can do it little by little.
AITAH for not helping weird neighbor,"When I was in undergrad I lived at home with my parents and commuted to campus everyday. I had this neighbor guy with his 3 kids move in next door. All toddlers. He was alright at first, became extremely close with my dad which was weird cause my dad was 20 years older than him and neighbor is  about 15 years older than I am. They hung out a lot, most of the time when I came he would be there just hanging out with my dad. Nevertheless, didn’t care about it, I liked my dad but he doesn’t have a nice personality (to family or anyone)so I always kept our interactions with “I’m home” or “heading to bed”. 

This neighbor guy I’m assuming - notices that my dad isn’t really the protective kind or seems a little detached from family, he gets my number from my dad cause we had him cat sit for us once when we out of town and I was the first one back so I can pick up my cat earliest. I knew he had my number. Few days later he texts me at 2am asking if I’m up. I was like yeah is everything ok?? He said he saw my cat in the upstairs terrace area just now and asked me to come get him. So I get this text while my cat is lying next to me in bed. I let him know that it’s not my cat probably just a stray and he says no problem I should come check it out anyways and maybe have a chat with him upstairs (it’s empty). I said no I’m sleepy and didn’t reply after. I told my mom the next day she asked me to never reply to him and let her know if he texts again. My dad on the other hand said it’s probably harmless and he just wanted to make sure our cat hadn’t escaped. Well if that’s the case he should text my parents at odd hours, not me. But my dad brushed it off. It annoyed me that my dad didn’t see anything wrong with it. After this for a few times he would try to talk to me or initiate convo when I was alone walking - mostly after dark. I worked night shifts for a part time job, so got home 3 am ish and somehow I always saw him trying to initiate basic convo. I avoided him at all costs and a couples years later I moved to another country to get my masters and that’s the last I saw him- parents are still friends. They had a falling out briefly but friends again now

Fast forward to now, my mom called the other day asking if I could help him out with some important legal document stuff (nothing serious just paperwork). I work in the field so I could help him but I told her no, I never had a good feeling about him so I don’t want him to have my new number and nothing to do with him. This conversation was back and forth and dad says I’m overreacting and he didn’t even mean anything weird and I’m reading into it. Finally they stopped asking me to help out. 

AITAH for not helping him when I had a weird feeling about him?","NTA

Always trust your gut.  Always."
AITAH for not “repaying” my boyfriend after he treated me,"Ive (f,25) with my boyfriend (m,26) 3 years. Yesterday my parents hosted a tea for my grandpa’s birthday at my family’s house. Earlier that day my bf called and asked if I wanted to go shopping with him because he wanted to treat me. Very kind, not an occasion. He ended up spending around £250 on me. I thanked him a lot and told him how grateful I was


We go back to my house, have the tea with my family. During the day I helped him wrap his present for my grandpa, made him plates of food, made him two coffees. When everyone left, we went upstairs and i sat on his lap and we were kissing him for a while (we can’t do anything more at the moment as I’ve recently had a procedure). He had decided he would stay for an extra hour to spend more time together. I offered to cook him dinner, he said no because he didn’t want to spend our hour cooking/eating.

Earlier that day I’d said I wanted to talk through ideas for my birthday (I already had 3 bars in mind and just wanted his opinion). I asked if he was happy for me to show them to him in this time, and he agreed. We talked for ~15 mins, he got irritated and kept suggesting completely different bars to what I’d suggested, which I  had said I just want your opinion on these 3 tbh, and he then left in a huff.

Afterwards he called me and said that after how nice he’d been to me, I gave him nothing in return. Specifically said I didn’t give him a back rub / shoulder massage, and that it would’ve “made his day”. He said I put in zero effort, less than the bare minimum. I said I didn’t realise there was an expectation and that I’d already offered dinner to which he replied dinner “isn’t a treat, it’s a basic necessity”.

I said I don’t see relationships as same day transactions and I do a lot for him without expecting anything back immediately (planning his birthday, organising holidays, flat searching with him for hours even though I wasn’t moving in, emotional support, massages, cleaning his flat when I’m there. )He said it’s normal when you do something nice, you expect something back, and he can’t dispute that - yes, he expected something in return. He also said I didn’t even ask or think about what he wanted, or what I could’ve done for him, but in our additional hour alone, I chose to do soemthing centred around me again. 

He then said because I’m “not appreciating how big the gestures are”, he’s going to scale back treating me and split things more evenly going forward. Context- he earns over 3x what I do.

I’m now questioning whether I’m being unreasonable. Am I supposed to offer a massage / something physical every time he does something nice? Ask what he wants in return? I genuinely thought gifts were gifts, not exchanges/transactions. I feel like generosity has become conditional and that I’m being punished for not complying with expectations I didn’t even know existed.",You need to decide if you’re ok with a transactional relationship because that is what this guy is asking for.
AITAH for calling the cops about an abandoned tricycle?,"I'm visiting my Great Aunt. Near her home, there's a mile long utility road that's very hilly and grassy, has no one living on it, and has no surveillance or cameras on it. No one lives at either end of it, either. This all adds up to make the utility road the perfect place to snatch someone or commit a crime. 

This morning, I was driving on the utility road to get to my Great Aunts house. Then, right at the entrance to the utility road, there was an abandoned pink and white tricycle. It was brand new and halfway on the road and halfway off of it. 

The whole thing felt wrong. Like, say a little girl had gotten the tricycle for her birthday, wanted to ride it down the big hills that made up the utility road, and had ridden off on the tricycle when her parents weren't looking? And, since the utility road is the perfect place to snatch someone, some evil person had seen the unattended little girl, called her over to their parked car, and snatched her by the side of the road? 

I was so unsettled, I wound up parking on the side of the road and calling my Great Aunt. 

My Great Aunt said: Don't call 911. You're just overreacting.

But, I still felt like something was so incredibly wrong about the situation. So, I called my Grandmother to ask her opinion.

My Grandmother said: That's crazy talk. If you call 911, you'll be creating an issue out of nothing. 

But, again, I still couldn't shake the feeling. So, I wound up calling 911 anyway just on the chance of something being wrong.

Now, my Great Aunt and Grandmother are mad at me for not taking their advice.

AITAH?","You literally just made up a narrative in your mind. Calling 911 (for emergencies only) to report you found a tricycle is excessive, especially since your entire story was based off your own imagination. If you were worried you could have called the non emergency line. It likely fell out of the back of a truck (the most likely thing to happen, it happens all the time) or somebody stole it and panic dumped it or they dont want it anymore and ditched it instead of paying dump fees. The likelihood of toddler on a tricycle in the middle of nowhere is the least likely of scenarios."
AITAH for just wanting more,"My (30f) husband (34m) are approaching our 3 year anniversary. We have a 2.5 year old daughter.

I loved my husband when we got married but the reason of when and how we got married is a tale as old as time. We had just gotten back together after a 1.5 year separation, then got pregnant. His religion is quite strict and unless we got married, he would be disfellowshipped from his religion and would lose contact with his parents. His parents are very controlling and manipulative. I think I had blinders on back then but I have seen a lot over the last almost 6 years now. Let’s just say I still may hold some resentment. Our wedding.. It wasn’t romantic.. it was logistics.

I believe I have approached the relationship with humility and care for his background and family dynamics. I have been respectful of their religion and although have said it’s not for me, have gone to some of their services to show support. Kicker.. ever since we got married my husband hasn’t gone to any religious anything unless it was the memorial (once a year)… anywho

He owns a business, I work full time in mental health (68k). Since the birth of our child I have been the primary parent. I have also been the care taker of our home and also help with his business when needed. He says he works as much as he does to provide for his family. He does pay the majority of our bills but I cover everything for our daughter + childcare, activities etc and then my car and insurance. He works in the winter 1:30 am - 6 pm most nights. In the summer, 4am-6:30pm. We don’t have a relationship. We don’t have dates. He rarely touches or kisses me. He only says I love you if I say it first. He says he has low libido but when we were on our separation he was having no trouble with that with +++ women.. I just feel like a single mom who has 5 jobs and a pretty ring..

I have always been adventurous and enjoyed travel. He says he has no interest in that. I ask for date nights, he says he wants to do it with our daughter. He is home, he is on his phone and in bed by 8.

I’m lonely. I’ve voiced it, I’ve shouted it from the rooftops. I’ve asked to go to counselling.. I’m just lost. I also feel horrible because at times I seek attention from other men by being flirted with and also flirting back. I feel horrible about this and try to stop it, but it feels nice..

It came out last night while we are talking that I feel like a single parent. He asked me if I could do it as a single parent. I replied. I’m sure I could do it, I’m doing the majority of it already.

I apologized but it is kind of the truth…

AITA for wanting more than this for the rest of my life? Does this get better? I’m willing to work on it but it takes two. I don’t want my daughter to think this is normal but I also don’t want to destroy her world. Help!","> Does this get better? 

Sure, when you divorce him."
WIBTAH if I stopped inviting one of my best friends to my apartment,"One of my closet friends and I have practically grown up together, he’s absolutely lovely and honestly saved my mental health from declining numerous times. 

That being said, he is also completely reckless regarding my belongings, when I used to live with my parents he broke their wall (never reimbursed), has dropped a glass on their glass dining table. I have recently purchased a new apartment where I got the walls professionally painted, bought a new rug and table which were very expensive. Despite knowing how conscious I am about the rug, he ate without a plate, dropped his food and stained the rub, scratched the wall and also dropped a drink on the new table all In a span of 2 hours.

He doesn’t work or have a licence so everytime we hang he stays at my place and if I’m being honest I can’t afford to have him break my other new furniture that I’ve got (got a new couch). WIBTAH to stop inviting him (I feel like he’d be extremely offended and I’m being a little petty) ","NTA and no you wouldn't be petty, he has a clear history of being so careless with your and other people's belongings, the fact that he doesn't care enough to do anything about his previous mishaps makes your reaction pretty much warranted, if you're scared of offending him at least have a talk about the previous encounters, and then stop inviting him for the foreseaable future, you guys can still hang out elsewhere anyways."
AITAH if I were to kick off at my SO if they started smoking again?,"So me and my partner have been together some time and moved in together, and ever since we got together we agreed to both stop smoking entirely (I vaped and they smoked cigs and weed). But recently there’s been scenarios where they’ve been around smokers and smoking and have been tempted to smoke, they’ve held strong so far. I look to our deal on smoking as a pact we made together and sort of solidifies our love and trust for each other, but the increasing temptation they have is concerning me that they’ll relapse. 

Would I be the asshole if I kicked off if they did? On one hand they can live their lives however they want, but on the other hand not only would it hurt me, but in the long term it would hurt them, just like it did before.","It’s one thing to encourage others and something else entirely to claim you are ‘hurt’ by another person’s personal choices and demand they do thing how you like. 

You’re crossing the line from encouragement to enmeshment here. It’s not your partner’s job to manage your emotions with what they choose to consume."
"AITAH for drunkenly calling my GF a ""c***"" when she threw a needoh full force directly at my crotch?","So Tuesday night is our traditional bingo night. Tonight it was me, my gf, her mom and her sister. Her mom decided to drive and that led to us other 3 having a little too much. We head out to dinner afterwards and all of us (minus her mom) are acting like full on drunks. 

After dinner, we get into the car and my gf decides to throw her Fidget toys, a needoh, (basically a squishy cube you can grab and stretch full force at my crotch. It hurt like he'll. Like any guy can imagine. I was keeled over in pain and I called her a ""fucking c***"" her mom chimes in and was like ""NO, WE DO NOT USE THAT WORD. THAT IS A HARD LIMIT FOR ME"". we get home and she is still pissed and tells us all the get the fuck out of her car and she slams every door behind her on the way in. 

I agree that the word is offensive and I would never never use it under normal circumstances when I am sober, but the pain from being hit in the crotch was just to much. 

Now im stuck in a weird spot. Do I apologize to my gfs mom in the morning? My gf doesn't give a shit because we naturally call each other names when messing around and being goofy. She herself even calls me the c word. She doesn't care. Now the whole house just feels tense because she's pissed. I want to leave so fucking bad but I know I probably shouldn't be driving because im still under the influence. I looked at hotels and even asked a friend if I could stay with him but getting a dui isn't worth it. I feel like shit and I don't know what to do.

So AITAH? ",[deleted]
AiTAH for tell my mom not to talk about me to my siblings,"First of all I want to say me and my mom moved away from my siblings for a new start.The day we moved my brother (30M) told me if I treated my mom with disrespect then he would come down and sort it out himself,and it was fine for a while because I am that kid I would not fight back...now in 2026 I grew a back bone and everytime my mom goes off I just walk away...gister day my mom talked to me like I am still 16(I'm 24F) like I don't know anything ...so I matched her energy...Today my sister (29F) called me and told me that mom called her and said that I don't have respect for her ...and she told me""if you don't learn respect then I will come there and sort you out myself"" ....I was crying and so angry I told my mom not to tell my siblings about me ...my mom got angry and sad at the same time she told me that she will tell ""okay next time I will tell then you died""

Aitah for tell my mom not to talk about me to my siblings ",NTA-Tell your sister if it’s a problem then come pick up mom because you won’t be treated like a child by either of them.  As an adult you have the right to make adult decisions and one of them will not to be threatened by either of them.  Then let your mom know that it is your place and if she doesn’t like it then she can leave.
AITAH to allow my bf to stay friend with his toxic ex girlfriend,"I (24f) and bf (28m) let call him Rob. Rob and I have been together 4 years now and we also have a child together…. Before Rob and I started talking I had a son from a past relationship and he accepted him whole heartedly….. Rob had a girlfriend that I knew very well and he knew that I knew her, she even confronted me about Rob and I getting in a relationship and did not tell her, I told her it wasn’t something to be broadcasted if I didn’t want anyone to know and I shook that off and then two years in our relationship I got pregnant for him. He told her about my pregnancy and she approached me and told me that he was thinking about having a child long time and wanted a girl and that he was raving about it but unfortunately she didn’t have it for him so one day Rob wanted to do a music video for one of his music and told me that he wanted her in the music view. I told him that I did not feel comfortable with her in the video and he told me that she would be the only one that will be doing what he wanted and that he has not found any girl that is brave enough like her to do it. I told him that I was still not comfortable, but if he wants to be reached the point that I said, I did not care.

So fast on the day of the music video, she did not make it because she felt ill and he made a remark saying that I must be happy that she is no longer in the music video and I said to him that I did not care even if she was in it or not because I made my point clear and you did not care how I felt. Couple months run by and I had my baby boy. Everything was OK. I spent most of the time down at my mom or my little sister will come by my house and take care of me with the baby so recently before I started this year started, I told him that I didn’t feel uncomfortable with him texting her although his business wise well, his business he she would’ve been a client. so I said OK that will be OK. As long as she keeps it professional you keep a professional and he’s OK so I always have this good feeling that when I’m not a person that’s around my boyfriend’s phone but if a feeling comes to me and it says the way, I’ll do it, I’ll do it always proves me right which I hate so he made a post and she made a comment, not pertaining to the post at all so the other day when his birthday came and he did a tattoo so he made the artist come to our house and we had a conversation based on her so many things I missed out most because it would be very Long but based on it, the tattoo artist says that that does not seem right, she is the girl that is like if she wants something she’s going for it and if she doesn’t get it it she either near to get it or get so I tell him straight, even if he can tell me every day that he and that girl will never have any sexual connection or anything of that sort again I would not believe him because with she it either goes like it or near like it so I tell him I would not believe him, so he is considering either to continue texting her business base or not. I don’t know because am at the point that I am stop snooping on his phone stop questioning and see how it goes because remember he has a child in the picture. I have my son before my other son so I have two child and still going through a depression postpartum depression with my child. He has not turned one as yet and I’m going through all of this with just this one girl so am I the asshole for always pestering about him stop communicating with his toxic ex-girlfriend.",They don’t see the down side of our relationship
AITAH for losing trust in my girlfriend after I found out she’s been venting about our private issues to her ex?,"28M and 27F. We’ve been together for a little over 2 years.

My girlfriend and I have had a mostly good relationship, but like any couple, we’ve had some rough patches. Over the past few months, we’ve had a few arguments about communication and time together, nothing explosive but definitely sensitive topics.

A few weeks ago, I noticed her phone light up while she was in the shower. I wasn’t snooping, but I saw her ex’s name pop up with a long message preview. That surprised me because she’s always said they barely talk.

Later that night, I asked her about it directly. She admitted they’ve been messaging on and off for months. According to her, it’s “not emotional cheating” and she only talks to him when she needs to vent because “he already knows her.”

What really bothered me is that some of the things she shared were private arguments between us, including stuff I’ve explicitly told her I’m insecure about. She said she didn’t mean to betray my trust and that she didn’t think it was a big deal since she wasn’t flirting or meeting him.

Since then, I’ve been pulling back emotionally. I don’t feel comfortable opening up the same way, and I’ve told her I need time to rebuild trust. She thinks I’m being controlling and insecure and says I’m trying to isolate her from people she talks to.

I’m not asking her to cut off all friends or never talk to anyone, but it feels wrong that she chose her ex to confide in about our relationship without telling me.

AITAH for feeling betrayed and distancing myself over this?","NTA. That is a complete breach of trust. 

I’d say being buddies with her ex while in a relationship is already a red flag. Sharing relationship secrets to get emotional support? Naw! That is exactly how affairs start."
WIBTAH if I (25) cite my boyfriend's (29) sleeping habits for break up?,"Throwaway, he knows my main. 
For context, I've never dated a man before, this was the first time, I was excited beyond my best reasoning. Lol. 
I knew he had been somewhat of a playboy, he never hide that and I was okay with his past. I've dated a few people myself had been cheated on so I was clear to him that he must tell me if he finds someone attractive. We've been dating for 2 years. It has been bumpy. Especially because I felt neglected a bunch and I have had terrible mental health crises. One of the problems has been him falling asleep literally the moment the head hits the pillow. I on the other hand have insomnia. So I'd text and would get no reply and all. It was frustrating but we lived. 
Fast forward to tonight. He has been withdrawn and absent for a few weeks if not more. He stayed with me today. In the evening I had a small shower show for him. Silly dancing while I shampoo cause we literally never get time to spend together nowadays. Between this really silly thing I see from the corner of my eye, him texting someone. This hurt me but certain alarm bells starts ringing. This has happened to me once. I've body image issue so I close the door and he doesn't realise that for a few second? 
So we then sit together and start watching Law and Order. We are yet to have dinner. I'm hungry. He falls asleep. I wait. I try to wake him up. Nothing. I see him getting texts in Instagram. I know I shouldn't have but I also felt like I have to. I open his phone with his fingerprint. I see who's texting. This girl is apparently a good friend. I open WhatsApp cause I've seen him open this app way more than before recently (before it was just ig and since I don't do that his reasoning was he sends reels to people). I see another girl's name. A lot of flirty texts. No mention of a gf. It's too much. He has used that same kinda voice for me. Sending same kinda romantic songs. Innuendos. Similar lightly sexual memes. Anyway. It's too much. I don't think I should continue this anymore. 
However I don't think he's gonna fess up. He's probably gonna say ""she's an old friend."",""you're over thinking"". I have breached his privacy as well. 
Should I blame his sleep? He ruined the dinner. He has ruined two more things in the past week alone. We had a fight about that too, where I told him I don't find him reliable. Would I be the asshole to cite this reason and risk giving him an insecurity? 

Tl;dr WIBTAH if I tell my bf that I'm breaking up with him over his excessive sleeping and not for emotional cheating? 
",Just tell him it’s not working for you and you’re breaking up with him
AITAH for cutting contact with my mother over repeatedly not respecting mine and my wife's wishes with our 3 month old child?,"So to begin, my wife (24F) and myself (26M) welcomed a beautiful, happy, and healthy baby girl into the world this last September, she's everything we could've ever dreamed of and more out of a child. Sleeps all night, never cries, and always has a big beautiful gummy smile on her face. 

We do have some rules however because thankfully my income has allowed my wife to be able to quit her job and be a full time SAHM. But with that comes its own host of issues due to my work schedule. I work 12 hour swing shifts and work every other Friday-Sunday also. With that I also flip flop from days to nights every 2 weeks and follow the same schedule. Also, my wife had just underwent gallbladder surgery last week as well. So more often than not unless I am home, my wife takes care of our home, keeping it immaculate, cooking dinners, making lunches for me for work, caring for our child, while I go to work to provide a living for us. And of course when I'm home I always give her a break and take over the house chores and baby duty so she can finally rest. Because of our busy schedules we have made a VERY solid rule for visiting us and our daughter, simply call about a half hour or so ahead of time to give us time to get dressed or look presentable for guests, family, friends, etc. And the ONE PERSON who believes that this rule doesn't apply to them is my wonderful mother. 

My mother has continued to defy this rule and is angry that she cannot just ""pop by and see us and the baby"" whenever she pleases. We have told her that ESPECIALLY when I work nights to not come by unannounced because we have 2 small dogs as well and they bark at EVERY SOUND OUTSIDE. Due to this we put them in the bedroom with me while I sleep during the day so they hear less noise throughout the day and I can sleep. But my wonderful mother still disregards this rule and knocks on our front door like the County Sherriff serving a search warrant. 

Well.. today was the final straw that broke the camel's back. I woke up a little early this evening to help my wife clean bottles, wash dishes, clean, etc. And our daughter was giving signs that she was getting hungry. So while she continued to wash the remaining bottles, I warmed up a bottle from the fridge and began to feed her. Upon placing the bottle on her mouth my wife's phone dinged and guess who it was? My mother. A simple text that read ""Is (my son) asleep?"" To which I simply replied to her ""No"" And she quickly replied ""Can we come and see you guys"" and before I even picked up the phone to reply, guess who was in our driveway... My wife and I exchanged an ""Are you serious?!"" look with one another and I asked my wife if she was okay with this to which she said ""It can't be long because we still have a lot of cleaning to do before you leave for work, but I'm okay with it this time if you are."" And I begrudgingly replied to my mother with ""Yes, thats fine"" So I reached my arm around the couch and opened the front door from where I was sitting, and I wish I was kidding. No sooner than it took to send the text, she backs out of the driveway, and simply texts ""Bye, love ya'll..."" To which my wife and I were absolutely confused why she would now leave. So I tried to call, and go figure... No answer. 

So after my wife and I both trying her phone and my Stepdad's phone we just decided to leave it be. Until about 8:00 tonight... 

I called and immediately jumped straight to the point and asked her ""Why did you ask to come see us and just turn around and leave?"" To which she replied ""Nobody wanted to come greet us so we didnt get out of the car."" And I informed her that ""(Wife) was busy washing bottles and I was busy feeding our daughter, you could just walk in since I told you that it was fine for you to come see us."" Her reply ""I watched (wife) walk in the kitchen and not even open the door for us!!"" My reply ""You have never cared about that before from the multiple occasions of you springing by the house without prior notice like we've asked you and every single other person to do and keep thinking this rule doesn't apply to you."" Her reply ""A grandmother doesn't need to give notice to see her child and grandchild!"" I laughed and replied ""I think you're not understanding that this is our home, you don't get to come by whenever and not say anything prior, that's very inconsiderate and rude to (wife) and myself. "" Her reply ""I just don't understand why that is such a big deal for the two of you?!"" I proceeded to lose it admittedly. I said ""Look, I don't know who you think you are, but this is OUR home and OUR place of peace. And because you have proven time and time again that you cannot follow very simple instructions I'm going to ask that you please not come see us until you can follow this one singular simple rule that we have in OUR home and not yours."" She of course scoffed and said that ""This is ridiculous, and you're so immature for having such an outlandish rule in your house!!"" So I replied ""Look dont bother contacting at all, you can't seem to respect your own son's wishes and you have absolutely no regard or respect for me at all. I love you mother but I have to draw a line somewhere. And this is it."" And I promptly hung up the phone. 

Part of me feels like I may have been too harsh but also another part of me feels like I did the right thing and made the right choice. My mother has a long history with constrewing what people have said to her to always paint her as the ""good guy"" and give off the ""can do no wrong"" type vibe on every situation she happens to find herself in. But in reality she gaslights or manipulates everyone that does not agree with her or goes against her or disagrees with her in any way.

So, AITA???",*Standing ovation* 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
AITAH for calling my husband a jerk for giving a waitress a 10 % tip because she refused to date our adult son ?,"My husband (48m) and I (45f) were out at a restaurant with our son (23m). Our son kept staring at this waitress, who looked like she was in her 30s. At some point, my son asked the waitress on a date and she politely declined. 

At the end of the meal, my husband gave the waitress a 10% tip, which is the lowest tip I've seen him give. He usually gives 25 % - 50 % tip. I'm seen him give a 20 % tip to a waitress who had a coughing fit near our food. I've also seen him give a 15 % tip to a rude snappy waiter who barely did anything. 

At home, I called my husband a jerk for giving the lowest tip I've seen him give because of this specific reason. He said he's allowed to how much he wants. Am I the asshole ?

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EDIT: 
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Because  I don't want to spam the comments answering the same question. I didn't leave a tip because I didn't carry any cards nor money. The dinner was my husband's treat. I'm going to change that because of what my husband did. ","NTA. It was definitely a jerk move since tipping is supposed to be based on the customer service provided, & she’s not providing dating services."
AITAH for cutting contact with my friend of 5 years for being kind of an asshole,"It all happened like a half a year ago but I still wonder if what I did was the best of what I could do

Let's start from the beginning, it all starts around the year 2020 when in 2nd year of highschool I met Steve (not his real name), he moved from another school and I kinda took on the responsibility to show him around and all and somehow quickly we became friends. We both had a real blast joking with the rest of my friend group and all. When COVID came we spent most of out time playing GTA V and having fun with my long distance friend. Fast forward like a year or two. He started dating his then gf, it was a messy relationship, a lot of dramas and troubles and some toxic and manipulative behaviour from his gf side, throughout that time I stayed supportive and I've tried what I can to show that to him, but I think that was where our friendship took the first hit since what I believe was happening his gf tried to build some drama between us to break our friendship, but I can't really prove it so that's just my speculation. Anyway  their breakup was really messy and that made him really depressed and in 2023 he started going to therapy. About this time the things between me and him became weird to say the least, he became much more closed in on himself, not really sharing things with me like before (we were able to have a really deep conversations about everything really) and he sometimes got incredibly annoyed about some stuff on random occasions, but I still tried to be as much supportive as I could and thought ""okay he's dealing with stuff so I'll give him a break"" .

Fast forward to 2024 around April, me a d my closest friend group decided to make a Minecraft server where we can chill and play, we all agreed and we all collected money for setting up a proper server, the job of getting a host of a server and who's gonna maintain it landed onto Steve as he wanted to try it, me and my long distance friend (let's call him Mike) were sceptical about giving him full power over the server so we asked Steve to give us access to console so we could see what's happening, he agreed, next day we hopped on to test the server, the trio of us (Me, Mike and Steve) were just messing around, testing how it'll perform and all that before the actual session. Before getting off Steve said he'd try to make some ranks on the server bc he wanted to see how does it work and all that. This server being just for fun we agreed thinking it's for fun so if he wants to do it then whatever, it doesn't really affect the gameplay, but we told him that it needs to be ready relatively quickly bc we wanted to play on a working server, he said don't worry I'll take care of it. Next day we met up with the whole group, which was Steve, Mike and his friend and Me and my gf at the time, started connecting to the server and it didn't work, only one who could connect was Steve, after a minute we figured out that the whitelist on the permission plugin was incorrectly set up, we said okay, everyone can make mistakes, we are not perfect. Soon it was ready and we started playing, we all had a fun time playing but Steve was being kinda silent the whole time, Mike really likes to make jokes about everyone so he made a few jokes about Steve, some were funny, some were just picking on him but it was usual, just situation jokes, later while playing Mike message me to look at the console of the server, when I looked at it we found out why Steve was so silent, The entire time the roles plugin was literally barely working and he was constantly changing something in the code. I decided to speak up that I can see that he's still trying to set the plugins up and he has some trouble and I offered him a helping hand since I know how this specific plugin works and I know how to quickly set it up so that it works without needing constant maintenance. He refused my help and said he'll figure it out.

The whole week of playing Minecraft there was constantly something needed to be done with the plugins since Steve constantly were changing settings in them. Eventually the whole group got possed on Steve because the server was needed to be operational and it wasn't and we started criticising some choices of Steve while setting it all up but in our usual fashion we were making some jokes with it. Suddenly after being quiet the whole time Steve log out of the server and disconnected from VC, we all were shocked and almost instantly we all said wtf what happened. Me being the closest out of the group to Steve, messaged him asking what happened, he made some excuse which I shared with the group to let them know why he went away, after that included we noticed that Steve was constantly on the server and constantly changing something in the plugins, I offered help once again but thei time Steve got angry at me and told me to leave him alone, he'll get it all done, it's been already 3 weeks of this and we still haven't been able to play normal game without him changing something and messing the whole server to the point of not being playable, we all were really pissed about it all to the point that everybody was saying to just give it to me and I'll take care of it in minutes, he still refused

Next week looked something like this, he'd change something, the entire server would break and he'd spend way too much time trying to repair it. Throughout the whole time since 2021 sometimes Steve asked me to tell Mike to chill a bit bc Steve had a bad day or something, so I was trying to be a literal glue trying to keep the group together, but now after him constantly refusing help I had enough of being his person to excuse him so when he once again asked me to make an excuse for mike I said to him, Why won't he do it himself, you literally just say ""Sorry Mike, I can't with the jokes tonight"" and he won't make jokes about you. He said okay but he never asked Mike to stop so we all kept joking and all. A few days later he started just avoiding us, when we all played he didn't joined the VC and was literally just sitting all the time on creative, changing settings on the server and breaking it. Rest of us decided that we have enough of it and agreed on making the separate server where I would set it up with the plugin for permission, the next day the server was ready and operated without maintenance, only thing I forgot was to turn off the whitelist so everyone could connect, we laughed it off and started playing and really having fun now that it was just working, when Steve found out about it he confronted us asking why we did that, we all collectively said that we told him that we wanted just to play the game and you kept breaking the server constantly, we even reminded him that he agreed to just delete the plugins if they would not work, he got angry and started this whole drama that lasted quite a bit, most of it landed on me for some reason but at this point I had enough of him, soon he blocked everyone and didn't contact anyone.

Fast forward to the beginning of 2025, Steve reached out to me all joyful and all saying that he missed me, I was still upset with him, but we all said our things, apologized fro stuff we did and decided to try to regain contact, at first I was happy that he tried once again to be friends and o was optimistic about it, he started setting clear boundaries which I was really happy about, while apologising I told him straight that even tho I forgave him, he need to show me that he changed bc I don't trust his words, a few months later he started being cold towards me all of a sudden, I asked him what happened that he is so cold towards me, he told me that even tho he forgave me I need to take the courage and work for a friendship. I really got surprised about it and told him that for a friendship it needs the work of both parties and not just one, he said some excuse why he is so cold towards me without answering my message, at this point after another argument I said okay, if you want to not work for this friendship I'll do the same. So I started replying coldly, short answers with the least emotion I could, soon the contact died down even more so I told him that I don't really see the reason for keeping contact if you gonna treat me like this and starting arguments about ever little thing and cut the contact all together.

He still goes to therapy (I believe) idk if that's necessary to say now",Yes because e
AITAH for asking mom to let me Zelle her for my food for this week when I don’t have access to my card ATM,So I don’t have my card atm and it doesn’t work with Apple Pay and need get food for the week and other needs so I ask mom if she can help and I even mettion I can zelle her the exact amount while we check out and all she does is swipe her card or give me the card and I can Zelle before I swipe if she doesn’t want to go she was like it rude to ask it unreasonable leaving all you stuff up there and why should we swipe our card at Publix like you do almost daily what one time without using you money so AITAH that I even ask and it for food (don’t want the hate of asking when food is a need) ,"Have you either been drinking, had a stroke or just don’t know how to form a coherent sentence? 

This makes no sense!"
WIBTAH for reporting my illegal cousin to ICE after he outed me as gay to my family?,"I (18F) have a cousin (25M) who moved to the U.S. from India a few years ago to get his masters degree. He started his masters when I was a sophomore in high school and I am a freshman in college now, but he is still working on his masters that was supposed to be a 1 year program. He’s doing this because he can’t find a job, so he keeps extending his degree to be able to stay in America.

His parents back in India are pretty well off. I would say they’re upper middle class, and they are funding his education. They don’t know that he is actually spending all of their money on vapes and alcohol. He keeps asking my parents for money too. He also makes a bunch of unnecessary purchases, like he bought a car that he definitely has no need for.

He recently got into more trouble. Back in May he forgot to renew his student visa, so now he is living in the United States illegally. My dad has been trying to help him find lawyers and has been communicating with his parents as well since they don’t understand what’s happening. His parents want him to move back to India bc they have more than enough money to support his life there, but he refuses to go back.

A while ago he found out that I was gay, and he was supportive and we even had a conversation about how no one else in our family can know about this due to them being extremely homophobic. Now, due to his visa issues, he is planning on marrying some random guy (even though he is straight) to get a greencard. He said that since he’ll be marrying a man it “doesn’t count” as an actual marriage. He just legally needs it to happen to stay in the country. He told my dad this plan and due to my dad being very homophobic and the fact that this is a stupid idea, he got mad and told him that he can’t do that. So for the past few weeks now, they have been discussing this and my dad is losing hope for this guy.

Then all of a sudden this past weekend my whole life blows up. My cousin outed me as a lesbian to my family. My parents are furious. My extended family (we’re normally pretty close) won’t even talk to me. My dad is threatening to stop paying my college tuition. I don’t even know if I’m going to be allowed back home when summer break starts. I am just so angry. Not only did he blow up his whole life due to his poor decisions, but now he blows up my fucking life too?! I don’t know what to do anymore.

I want to get even with him and report him to ICE. Even if he gets deported and goes back to India he will have his nice cushy life and his parents money to support him. I will have nothing. No support system, no money, no tuition. And I’m pretty good at school too like I have a 4.0. And now I literally have no future. Obviously, if I didn’t know for a fact that he will be perfectly fine back in India I would not be doing this, but he ruined my life and now I feel like it’s only fair if I ruin his.",Your cousin could end up dead while in ICE custody. Let that sink in.
"AITAH for refusing to make amends with my elderly mother after she told me ""you don't have a mother"" to protect her favorite son?","Things don't get easier even when you're older. My mother used to go out of her way to protect her elder son, the favorite. A few years ago he was an asshole to my wife, and I had a fight with him. I expected the family to at least see how his harrassment was unacceptable. My mother took his side as usual, and to get me to stop making her son look bad, she said ""You don't have a mother, consider me dead"".  
I took that to heart. I cut my family off, especially my mother. Now years later, they don't want to reconcile. They want me to go back ""into the family fold"" as to speak. My father explicitly said I'm not to open any topic or point any fingers. Just forget and come back.

I asked, what about my brother's unacceptable behavior towards my wife? ""It was a misunderstanding"". What about my mother's behavior? ""She's your mother, she can say whatever she wants, you are an ungrateful son"".

Thing is, entire family has gone up in arms against me. Uncles, aunts, cousins. Anybody I used to be in touch with has stopped talking to me. They're all calling me a POS for not talking to my elderly mother. (In our culture parents are supposed to be treated as gods).

I'm tired emotionally. I don't know if this is a hill to die on. They refuse to acknowledge my brother's behavior, and I was in the wrong for not handling things differently then. I'm standing by my wife, and everybody's calling me an AH. Am I?",No you are not the ah they are you did what a husband is supposed to do and protect your wife
Can’t make friends birthday AITAH,"My friend of 10+ years lives about 4 hours away. We’ve consistently tried to get together for a year now, but never actually solidified specific dates. It is worthy of noting for the last three attempts, we each for one reason or another, couldn’t find correlating dates with our work schedules. 

Her birthday is around the corner. About two months ago, I started asking what were the plans. In case I needed to save and budget. We threw around some ideas, but again, never got anything down in the books. “I come down xyz date - xyz date and we do \_\_\_\_\_.”

Anyways— her birthday is next week. a few weeks ago, we played around at the idea of getting together for her birthday. (Work is tough I’m at a new job with minimal PTO acquired, and finances are tight. Recovery from Christmas and my dog had surgery)

I suggested three alternative weekends. The week before her birthday, the week after, and the following week. All of which she is either busy or working.

HERES THE ISSUE: she texts me at the beginning of the week, suggesting if I’m free any of the days leading up to her birthday, she’d like to spend the day together. Which I’d love to. Without a second thought. 

Well, my job missed entering my hours. An entire weeks worth over Christmas. They are tentatively going to work it out, but could take weeks. So finances are double tight— and I have a bad tire which makes me worrisome to drive four hours on the interstate.  I basically tell her that my check should arrive at the beginning of this week, that finances aren’t great, but I’d be able to come.

Well, the check fiasco did not get sorted out. She’s being extremely passive, and not flexible with dates. I get it’s her birthday and adult friendships are tough to manage, but am I the asshole? 

I feel like the asshole.","I believe that your true friend would understand that, and she fully knows that you’ve tried everything to be there"
AITAH for refusing to live with my boyfriend,"I (38F) met my boyfriend (25M) 5 years ago (YEAH I'M AN AH FOR DATING SOMEONE SO YOUNG EVERYONE REMINDS ME OF IT EVERYDAY). We were at the same university and met during a class we both take, though we studied different subjects. He invited me to be part of a group project, than he invited me out to lunch, than to his house, etc etc. He was cute as hell and we had a lot in common, and being in a university and looking younger, I was used to having some fun with young guys. I girl can have hobbies. 

The problem was, it wasn't just ""having fun"" with him. I thought we would just become friends who sleep together, but soon it started to become clear that he wanted more. I was very much in love with him at the time, but I didn't want a relationship. How the hell a relationship between a 33 years old woman and a 20 years old boy who still watched Naruto could possibly work? Of course it wouldn't. 

But he insisted again, and again, and again. And, well, I ended up saying yes. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know what I've been thinking for the last five years. 

To my credit, when things became serious, I sat him down like the responsible adult that I was supposed to be and had a very frank conversation. I told him that he knew I was way older than him, that I wouldn't do young people things like staying up until 5 in the morning in some crazy party or drinking my ass off, because I had done all of this already and I had more than enough. I told him that I had never been in a serious relationship because I have no patience with everything that comes with it, and that the first time he would be jealous or try to control me or just piss me off, it's over for me. Finally, I told him that I live alone, I want to live alone, I have no intentions of marrying, having children or living together with anyone. What I did offer him was my love, my complete devotion and adoration (yeah I'm dramatic when I'm in love), a very pleasurable companionship, and pay for our dates because he was completely broken. 

I fully expected our relationship to end in a month, like all my previous ones (I think three months was my record). But it didn't. In fact, things between us went extraordinarily well. He is a good companion, we have a lot of things in common, he supported me and I supported him through rough times, etc etc. Things were good. 

But yesterday everything went to shit because he told me it was time for us to think about living together. 

I knew it. I knew it was going to happen. Of course a 20 yo boy would change his mind a lot more about what he wanted in life than a 30+ woman. What was I thinking? How the hell I thought it was going to end? Of course he would want to ""have a family"", isn't that what everyone is supposed to want? He said he just wants to live together, he's not thinking about marriage or kids or anything. Hell with this. Living together and marrying is the same shit for me. Having kids is just a next step, he says he doesn't want them now but he also said that about living together. Of course he will change his mind. What the fuck was I thinking.

I'm not angry because he asked me this. I'm angry at myself because I fucking love this man so much and I know he loves me. And ending things now will hurt more than anything in my life, and it will hurt him, and I hate it. I'm so angry, and so tired. 

I won't end things with him, because I'm as much a irresponsible person as I was the day I said yes to him, so I will let him push it until he can't anymore, because I want him. I don't want him to live me. I'm so selfish.

So, if there's anyone watching my pathetic breaking down, AITAH? 

","YTA It’s entirely possible that he just wants to live together and not have children, not everyone is baby crazy. It kind of seems like you conflate a lot of milestones. Are you in therapy? Also stop referring to him as a boy, he’s your partner of 5 years, you should respect him more than that or part ways."
AITAH for making someone move their car?,"I’ve worked at the same job for about 18 years and for the last 10 years, I’ve parked in the same parking space at the very bottom of the parking lot the furthest away from the front door of the building recently someone started parking and what I consider my Parking space. Now we don’t have assigned parking but it’s also a well-known fact that this is where I park at. Recently, someone started parking there and once I found out who it was, I encourage them to move and start parking elsewhere. AITAH?","YTA

It’s not your parking space. You need to start acting like an adult."
AITAH for feeling less like a man and leaving my girlfriend multiple time becauae she’s not having sex with me?,"I (M 30) am in a relationship with my girlfriend (F 27) since about 4 months. We had a lot of conflict since the begenin and I think she’s wrong on lots of points, but she don’t think so.

First, she consider her bunny like her child…and I think she love him more than me. And because of that I became jealous of him. I feel like she put me second even if I’m her boyfriend and I feel like I’m no longer the man in our relationship.

The second issue is that we haven’t had sex since something like 2 months. I already broke up with her 3 times last months because I wasn’t getting what I wanted and I felt like I was disgusting her. And I broke up with her a gain today. 

The first breakup happened after she used cystitis as an excuse not to have sex three months ago…she said it was true but I don’t believe her even if I saw her taking medication for. After that first break up, we maybe have one time sex. Her excuse about it, was about rebuilding trust that has been broken, but I think she could have proven her goodwill by making the effort to give me what I needed to know she wasn’t lying about it some broke up with her two more times, I thought maybe when I would come back she would understand.

This morning I tried to initiate intimacy by rubbing a bit sexually against her but she didn’t like it and said it wasn’t with her consent.

She says she doesn’t feel emotionally safe with me..but I think she overanalyzes everything and constantly criticizes me amd that makes me feel like I’m the stupid one. She says I don’t respect her boundaries but I think she’s the dominant and controlling in our relation. 

Now, here is the thing… I told her : That if  you tell people this  in my side of the story it will prove that I’m not an asshole.

So Reddit…AITAH?","You're bloody joking, right? YTA. I stated this in response to another comment, but OP, if you were the last man on Earth, I would demand a recount."
AITAH for not attending a party because a friend I cut ties with was invited,"I (Black, born and raised here) recently cut ties with a friend, let’s call her Anna, because of repeated disrespect, boundary-crossing, and several racist comments she made. For example, she’s said things like, “you don’t bother me, so you can stay,” implying that my right to exist in my own country is conditional. For me, these comments were extremely hurtful, but she treats them like they’re trivial.
Even after I told her her statements were not okay and that I needed space, she kept pressuring me, repeatedly calling, showing up at the worst times, and forcing conversations I wasn’t ready for. I’ve also been told by my doctor to avoid unnecessary stress because of my medical situation, so this behavior was genuinely harmful.
Now, another friend, Louise, is throwing a birthday party. She has nothing to do with Anna, actually doesn’t like her, and knew about the tension between us. When I told her I wouldn’t attend because Anna was invited, she said:
“You should just… try to pull yourself together for one evening.”
Alcohol will be involved at the party, and Anna has a habit of becoming very emotional, confrontational, and unpredictable when drinking. I do not want to deal with that stress.I’m honestly starting to question myself because most people around me who are white keep saying things like “it’s not that deep” when I talk about racist comments, but it is deep for me. It’s painful, and it affects me emotionally and mentally especially since I had to leave my previous school because those racist comments were affecting my mental health. I feel like I’m overreacting sometimes, but my boundaries are real, and I need to protect myself. I feel like I have the right to step back and protect myself when racism is involved. Just because others don’t understand it doesn’t make it any less valid.
So AITA for refusing to go to a party I initially agreed to, because it would involve being around someone who’s been racist, repeatedly ignored my boundaries, and could become volatile when drinking?


Edit: Since I’ve been asked this a lot, I do not know why Anna was invited to the birthday. When asking Luise she said that it’s her birthday she can do whatever she wants without having to explain herself ","NTA. You are never obligated to be around someone you don't like. While backing out of plans can be annoying for the one hosting it, a reason like this is perfectly acceptable and the party host should accept that fact."
AITAH for declining guardianship of a my sister?,"I (27M) emotionally lost my mom when I was a teenager. And when I was 15, my stepfather died after a long illness. Less than a month later, my mom moved on fast new relationship, rushed marriage, and then a baby girl. Everything happened so quickly that I felt completely pushed aside. I stayed quiet, finished school, and the moment I turned 18, I moved out and cut contact entirely.

Over the years, some relatives kept trying to push the idea that I should have a relationship with my halfsister. I was always clear that I didn’t want that. I didn’t hate her, I just didn’t want any connection to that part of my life.

About two years ago (when I was 25), my family decided to get creative. They told my best friend about ""the situation"" and convinced her it might be healing for me. She invited me to what I thought was a normal dinner. When I arrived, my halfsister was there. I felt betrayed and I didn’t make a scene, but afterward I told my friend that putting me in that position wasn’t fair to me or the kid. I explained that forcing a relationship wouldn’t magically make me want one, and honestly, it wasn’t healthy for anyone. That was the last time I allowed anything like that.

And couple months ago things fell apart on my mom’s side, there were some bad addiction issues that finally led to child services getting involved. Her husband ended up going to jail, and my mom lost custody because she wasn’t able to provide a stable environment. Their daughter was placed with different relatives temporarily, but no one wanted to take her in long-term.

That’s when my name came up, I didn't hesitate to say no. Repeatedly. I warned my family that if they kept pushing, I’d cut contact completely.   
  
Eventually, the girl entered foster care. A caseworker later reached out to ask if I’d reconsider becoming her guardian or even have contact. I declined and asked not to receive updates or have my information shared.

My family did not take that well. I got messages calling me heartless, selfish, and cruel. They asked how I could live with myself, whether I felt guilty, and if I worried I was ""throwing away my sister."" I was honest I don’t want one. They even asked if I’d be okay knowing she might be mistreated in foster care. I told them that if they were that concerned, they were free to step up themselves instead of pressuring me. After that, I blocked everyone.

A weird cousin later confronted me in public after following me for so long one day while I was out with friends, he accused me of being cold and abandoning family. I left early to avoid a scene. And gladly I did because if I stayed I would've beat the shit out of him.

Here’s the thing: I could have taken her in. I have a stable job, a small but decent place, and a spare room. I could’ve made it work. I just don’t want to. I don’t think forcing myself into a role I never wanted would be good for either of us.

So AITAH here?","Not your circus, not your monkeys. "
AITAH for not messaging back my friend when she needed me?,"Hello, I’m at 30 year old woman who is an introvert. I get moments where I want to be to myself whether I’m socially drained, going through stuff mentally, or just simply want to be alone. My best friend Michael (31 year old male) has been married to Jane (35 year old woman) for 10 years and within that time me and Jane have gotten close. Jane is the most extroverted friend I’ve ever had, she’s extremely social and loves talking to people to the point where she can’t run errands unless she’s talking on the phone with somebody (she has admitted this to me). She is prone to overthinking so I would explain to her multiple times that when I have these moments where I need time to myself it doesn’t mean I’m mad at her and that I will respond back when I can. But despite me explaining this and her saying she understands, she would start off joking how I never want to talk to her and how I hate her which eventually leads to her genuinely asking if I’m mad at her. 

Depending on how severe my mental state is I will put my phone on do not disturb, however, it has a feature where someone could press notify anyway after sending a message and to me this is a feature for emergency purposes or something urgent. This was something Jane would do very often and it bothered me because those times would be that she wanted to show me something that reminded her of me or just because she missed me. I understand in her own way she’s just trying to be nice but it feels like my boundary is being crossed and I’m forced respond on her time. She would still do it after I explained this so I removed her from seeing my focus status to avoid her hitting notify anyway.

Now to where the problem begins, it’s my first day off after an extremely draining week so do not disturb was on. Later that same night I hear a notification as if somebody just sent me a text message which confuses me. I look at my phone and see it’s Jane asking if it’s okay to talk on the phone for a bit. I’m very confused how she was able to push through her message and annoyed she pushed it through in the first place so instead of responding back immediately, I waited till the next morning to calm down. 

I woke up the next day to see she sent me a message asking if I was mad so I sent her a message expressing my grievances yet again and to please refrain from pressing notify anyway if she sees me on do not disturb. At first she only says I’m sorry but then a few minutes later I get another message saying how she really didn’t mean to disrespect me and that last night she needed someone to talk to because her mental health wasn’t doing good. I tell her how I’m sorry and said if she wanted we could talk sometime that day but she never responded back. 

A week goes by and I get a message from her saying how much of a good friend I’ve been and how highly she speaks of me but what I sent her that day hurt her because it was something she wasn’t expecting and how she was hoping she could lean on me in her time of need. She explains having severe suicidal thoughts that night and when I sent the message the next morning it caused her to spiral again. She says that it wasn’t my fault and that she was also having issues from someone else. That she understands why I sent it because she unknowingly overstepped my boundaries and will do better next time. She then expresses how she hopes that I understand where she’s coming from and wishes we could go back to normal as friends and how she misses me. 

At this point, my emotions are everywhere. I feel horrible for not responding back but at the same time I’ve always answered her messages prior to this. I took a few days to respond back and said it seems like she has an issue whenever I take my times to myself. That the normal she’s looking for has to be her being comfortable with the periods where I need to be alone. Also whenever I address my boundary or even tell her that she’s crossed it shouldn’t be taken as us not being normal and it’s all a part of friendship. I ended off my message saying I needed some time to focus on my mental health. 

It’s been a few weeks now and she hasn’t responded to my message at all. Knowing how she is, she’s most likely telling her other friends how I hurt her in this scenario and how I’m in the wrong. Usually I would talk to Michael this since I talk to him about a lot of stuff but since his wife is involved, I feel is inappropriate to do so. I know I didn’t do anything wrong and how it’s just unfortunate timing, my boyfriend and few other friends believes this as well. I just can’t help but feel I did something wrong.",NA - she’s too needy and a clingon….you’ve turned into her emotional support animal
AITAH for leading a boy on supposedly?,"This was when I was around 13, so this was a WHILE ago. I'm now 15. Even when I was 13, I was pretty gay. I met this guy in a server ""David"", who went by ""Davey"". He was 14 years old, FtM like me, and he supposedly spoken a bit of Latin, and besides English, French and German. I really liked German, so I was pretty excited to hear this.

Eventually, at night, Davey and I did ""sleepover roleplays"". It started with me saying good night to him and saying we should have a sleepover but I'd probably snore. He said we should find out in a sleepover. I just wrote ""\*snores\*"" and he would write ""\*giggles\* Wake up, you're snoring!!!""

He began to call the roleplays, me, and the snoring stuff ""cute"", and would write ""\*blushes\*"" and flirt with me a lot, though I forgot what he said. He'd even send TikToks being like ""this could be us"", ""this is us"", ""i want someone to do this to me"".

His brother, let's call him Rick because I forget his name, then messaged me. He asked me what I thought of Davey. Since I was starting to like him, I told him that. Rick said ""Okk haha, well just don't lead him on"" or something along those lines, but I don't know if I did.

He would constantly flirt and send those TikToks like I said, but then when I finally confessed, he said no because he wasn't looking for a relationship, and began to act distant and rude because I liked him. Then, he would act flirty again and say we were besties, so I asked if we could be in a talking stage, and he responded with something like ""I just don't like blurring the lines of friends and boyfriends ya know? besides I'm not looking for any sort of relationship with anyone other than friends.""

Eventually, he became more distant again until he completely stopped talking to me. I got a new account because my old one got hacked (I was a dumb 13 year old), and I completely lost touch with him.

  
What do you think? Am I at fault?","NTA, you didn’t lead him on but I think he lead YOU on."
AITAH i don’t want to talk to my best friend anymore……,"me and my best friend have known each other for about 1 year, we became good friends immediately after we met and eventually best friends. this entire situation might seem silly or immature but its really taking a toll on me and our friendship. my best friend, she is a really sweet and a person with good intentions in her heart( or at least thats what i think) but she is a bit self centered and doesn’t take consideration for others around her, and its really pissing me off. 

she especially doesn’t take any consideration for me. she talks, a lot. at first i didn’t mind it at all, i loved listening to her talk about herself and about her day and all, it was really sweet for the first 8 or 9 months, but now its gotten a bit out of hand. she always calls me and pulls me away from ppl. a thing about me is that i am kind of introverted and don’t like specific things, especially calling. calling someone without any reason brings me anxiety, it doesn’t matter how close they are, i hate calling. and all the ppl i know already know this about me, including her. but she doesn’t take things into consideration and calls me for the most random shit.

most of the time is just so that she can gossip and say a bunch of shit about our other friends after i repeated told her to stop being friends with them if she doesn’t like them, she still doesn’t listen and then comes crying when they do something she doesn’t like. even after all of this, she doesn’t even let me talk, she just says what she wants and ends our conversation. all our interactions revolve around her and her problems…….

 

she doesn’t even bother to ask anything about me and honestly i hate it sooo much. she calls me at random time even after i tell her i’m busy and doesn’t take my time into consideration. i have hinted to her many times that i don’t want to call but still she doesnt even bother to care. i don’t know what to do anymore, i want to tell her everything that she does but i don’t have the guts and i think i might be overreacting to this whole situation 

today itself she ruined the entire plot of the last episode of stranger things for me and a couple of my friends just because she saw a bunch of spoilers on instagram. thats where i drew the line, i got mad but still just told her to not do that again, she replied by saying “but i canttttt its soooooo saddddd” ( these exact words btw). she just decided that since she got spoiled so we also cant watch the show without knowing the whole plot. i am genuinely starting to hate her tbh. i have been avoiding her calls for the past week saying thats i’m very busy but still she is calling me every hour. i refuse to accept her calls and i’m just ignoring her ig.this whole thing seems very very very childish and i can understand if anyone thinks so but still i cant do this shit anymore for fucks sake

i have no idea what do anymore, should i confront her??","Sounds exactly like many of my ex friends. You’ve placed boundaries and tried to tell her what she’s doing, and she won’t listen. Time to move on. 

I wouldn’t, however, try to do what the other commenter said: sit her down to try and list all the reasons you want to stop being friends. That doesn’t sound like it will be handled well with her, and it would be pointless considering she doesn’t seem to care what anyone thinks. This is one of those situations where you might be better off just slowly drifting away from the relationship. You’ll find better friends in time. Promise.

Edit: looked at your profile, you posted essentially this same thing almost 2 weeks ago. I think in your heart you know what you need to do. This isn’t a friendship worth continuing for you, and that’s okay."
AITAH for not wanting to use my credit cashback on a family outing?,"Last year I finally got accepted for a credit card that offers 3% cash back on all purchases. After a while of using it, I noticed they had an option to add family members so they can build their credit.

My Mom has been a housewife her entire life and had 0 credit. I proposed the idea of her getting a card so she could build her credit, and in return I would get the points. I told her that I would be getting 3% off of any purchase she makes, I never hid this fact. I also proposed this same offer to my Grandma who had 0 credit. They agreed and I was excited because I would be getting extra money that I could use to invest. 

Fast forward 6 months later and there's $600 of cash back saved up. It appears I made a mistake of not cashing out immediately, because now that the money has been saved to a considerably large amount, my Mom and Grandma are now insisting I use this money for the whole family. 

They're saying that since they make the majority of the purchases (this is true) that the cashback is actually their money. They told me I'm being selfish and greedy by only wanting to use it on myself. But this is what they agreed on to begin with. I never hid how much I would be getting in cashback, but they're saying I manipulated them because they didn't realize how much 3% is and thought I'd be getting less.

They want to use the money for a fun family outing, but that's not what I want to use the money for. I've always planned on investing that money and I said so from the beginning. 

I don't consider myself a selfish or greedy person. Today I felt like it's been a while since we went to Disneyland, and I was in a good mood, so I offered to buy everyone tickets. This started a huge argument between my Mom and I because she wanted me to use the cashback money. She said it doesn't matter what I buy, because she'll always want that money to be used for a family outing. 

As per our original agreement, they have a good credit score now. They got their end of the bargain. AITAH for saying the cashback is mine?

Edit: Guys, I didn't make this post confused and looking for a solution. I know I can pull the money (since I would be spending the money on them anyways) and close their cards . This is the am I the asshole subreddit. I'm asking whether I'm the asshole for believing I'm entitled to the cashback money in the first place. Is that just petty to want to know whether I'm right and they're wrong even though there's a clear solution? Yeah sure, but this is the petty dispute subreddit.",NTA.  You took on risk by enabling them to open cards based on your account.  You owe them nothing.
AITAH for going no contact with my dad and sisters,"I 21F, was SA’d by my older sister from ages 6-9. When I was 11 she started catfishing me and continued until I chose to cut ties with all the accounts at 19. She never stopped catfishing, just lost her access to me. 

It started off with her pretending to be a friend of hers that took her phone then it turned into her making an account to befriend me on moviestarplant. As the years went on these characters introduced their friends and family to me (of course all of them were fake) and eventually with multiple accounts and my sister convincing me I entered a romantic online relationship at 13. 

The relationship lasted for almost 5 years and it was extremely toxic. I constantly felt watched. Anytime I would try to break up with the account my sister would either convince me to start back talking to them or she would shame me. 

Eventually I moved on and started distancing myself from my sister and the accounts until I eventually went no contact with her around Christmas 2023 bc she had been trying to tell my dad that I was smoking weed knowing that if he believed her then he’d kick me out. A week later on new years I found the real person behind the pictures she had been using and immediately knew I had been catfished by her. 

When I told my dad he didn’t understand how I could fall for something like this. Honestly I don’t fully understand either, I have to remind myself that I was a child to calm the shame. He said he didn’t want to get involved and I tried to respect that. 

I ended up dusting off an old phone of mine that I had previously let my sister use when she was in between phones and her iCloud was still logged in. There was all the proof I needed to officially know she was behind all of those accounts. 

When I told my eldest sister she laughed and said “you really didn’t know it was her?” I’ve told them that this caused me a significant amount of pain. I’ve been hospitalized multiple times, had multiple suicide attempts, I don’t trust myself or anyone else… I told them that I don’t consider her my sister and that I don’t want them to bring her up to me. Both my dad and my eldest sister have said things like oh but that’s still your sister, hopefully yall can make up, she was young she can still grow from this, you need to take responsibility for the part you played, etc. 

I decided to go no contact with my dad after I tried to report her for exploitation of a minor. When the officers went to my dad’s house to retrieve the phone I had searched my dad told them it was gone and he had gotten rid of it. They needed the phone to proceed with an investigation so it went nowhere. My dad says I’m blaming him for what my sister did and that I’m trying to take everything out on him. He isn’t a terrible dad but he’s emotionally unavailable and has no plans on growing that part of himself. He doesn’t even want for me to talk or think about it. ","NTA.What you went through was abuse and exploitation, full stop. You were a child, and the adults around you failed to protect you and then minimized the harm afterward. Going no contact isn’t punishment  it’s self-protection.You are not obligated to maintain relationships with people who dismiss your trauma, defend your abuser, or actively block accountability. Protecting your safety and healing comes first, even when it’s family."
AITAH for bailing on a friend shortly before a project I had committed to and not wanting to apologize?,"I (22F) and my friends—let’s call them Chloe (22F) and Sophie (27F)—are all photographers, and we recently started a joint project to create an audiovisual production company.

All three of us have our flaws and we clash sometimes. We’re friends, but working together is hard. To be honest, I tend to be a mess and a bit bossy; Chloe tends to lack initiative and be less participative; and Sophie tends to be stubborn and not say when she’s upset, giving the silent treatment instead. We also have very good qualities, obviously, and we work well together. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have started doing things together.

About a month ago I had a fight with Chloe. The truth is that I feel I handled the conflict in a pretty immature way, but even so I’m reluctant to apologize because I’m still stubbornly convinced that I’m right, although maybe I’m just behaving like a child.

Since we started the production company project, we had only collaborated on two jobs and they had gone fairly well. With our small conflicts (it’s impossible to agree on everything), but we managed to pull them off. Chloe came to us with the next one: someone had written to her asking if we could shoot a simple advertising spot that wasn’t going to be paid. Sophie and I agreed, although with conditions: I warned that I had to work (I combine this with a job at a pizzeria), and Sophie said that on those days she would be in another city working and wouldn’t be able to be at the shoot, although she did commit to working on pre-production.

I won’t drag out the story because it could end up being very long. We had two weeks to figure out how we would move forward. We had some meetings, though not many because all three of us were busy. Three days before the shoot, a few things happened to me: I broke up with my boyfriend and I got a migraine that lasted several days. Anticipating that I might not be able to be at the shoot because of my condition, I told Chloe how I was feeling and that she could look for someone else to replace me on the day of the shoot.

At first Chloe told me she was sorry and hoped I wouldn’t feel too bad, but I noticed she was distant. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she didn’t think it was okay that I was leaving her hanging with such short notice.

The argument was ridiculous. I got very defensive, telling her that I wasn’t well and that I was taking care of finding someone to replace me. She told me she was overwhelmed and that I wasn’t taking the project seriously, that she wouldn’t have done this to me, that if she had had to work at the pizzeria she still would have gone. I told her that if I had had to work at the pizzeria I would have acted the same way and would have swapped shifts with someone because it was a health reason, not just an emotional one. She repeated that she would never have left me hanging. I then reminded her (and I admit I was quite immature) that a few months ago she canceled, two days beforehand, a personal project I had organized for a year because she had “run club” on day 1 of the shoot, and on day 2 she overslept. I told her she was being hypocritical and had double standards. She told me it was childish to bring up something from a while ago just to justify myself and that what I was doing had no justification, that I should have told her earlier. I told her that it’s not like I could schedule when migraines happen and when they don’t. She stopped replying to me.

Long story short, in the end we didn’t manage to find someone to replace me. One day before the shoot, I asked Chloe to what extent she felt capable of going and shooting it alone and whether it was viable to do the project or if it would be better to cancel it and talk to those people, and Chloe got furious and told me that if I was only writing to say that, I’d better not say anything at all. Chloe ended up going to shoot it alone.

A few days later she sent me a message repeating again what we had already argued about days earlier, demanding an apology, and I refused.

So, am I being an asshole? Should I apologize? I definitely feel bad that she ended up with all the workload on her own and felt so overwhelmed, and I understand that. But apologizing would mean taking on blame that I don’t believe I have. Sophie, our other friend, has decided not to take a stance. The audiovisual production company project has stalled.

AITAH?

Small update: I don’t know how I managed to forget what Reddit is like.

On the one hand, I’ve read a couple of things that I’m really taking into account and that I think are true: apologizing doesn’t mean taking responsibility for something that was out of your control, but rather acknowledging the impact it had on the other person. I think I should have emphasized that more when everything happened.

On the other hand, I honestly don’t think this “business” we put together is going to work. That said, we’re young and we’re experimenting with possibilities while we figure out who we are as professionals and what our strengths and weaknesses are. Also, this isn’t even a real company and we don’t have clients. That’s what trial periods are for. I mentioned in the original post that the job wasn’t paid — we were doing a favor for acquaintances. At the beginning of the post I acknowledged mistakes that each of us has, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t many other things we do align on, are good at, and that I genuinely admire about them. But on Reddit apparently nobody has any flaws.

Lastly, I love both of them very much and this is absolutely not a reason to cut ties with anyone. For the love of God. People really go off the rails sometimes.","Honestly? ESH , migraines and breakups are real, but backing out last minute *and* refusing to acknowledge how badly it left her scrambling is where you lost people. An apology doesn’t mean you’re 100% wrong, it just means you recognize the impact, and right now that’s the part you’re dodging."
WIBTAH if I send my wife’s AP’s GF evidence of their affair?,"I 32M have been married to my wife 31F for little over a year, we’ve been together for 9 years in total and have a 10 months old baby. Her behavior was off and something was just nagging me to check her phone. Man, did it hit me like a train. Turns out, she met a guy like a week ago in a bar in our neighbourhood. The guy’s from the neighbourhood too. Just a week and they’re like sweethearts. She went to his place and they fooled around, but hadn’t had sex. Not that it matters at this point. So I sent myself all the proofs, changed my passcode, prepared divorce papers and waited. She noticed something was off. She started pushing it, asking what’s up with me, why am I edgy about my phone when she woke me up, asked to give her my phone unlocked to “call herself as she don’t know where she put hers” etc. etc. Later she started pushing again and I just snapped and said fine, here’s my phone, now give me yours. She gave in reluctantly, but she already deleted messages. However, she didn’t delete explicit photos from Recently shared album on iPhone, so I started asking about the photos. She started getting nervous and making some excuses and I had enough of it, I just dropped her phone, said I know everything and pulled out the papers and said “go, be happy, go fuck yourself I don’t care anymore”.

I’m livid, I’m lost, she threw everything away for someone she met like a week ago? Wtf? I bought us a house, I’m renovating that house myself after work and this is what I get in return? I can’t stand her, but I’m rethinking filling those papers because of the baby.

Sorry for venting. Anyways, I’m agonizing over telling this guy’s girlfriend about everything. She nearly caught them herself when she found my wife’s hair (one is blonde one is dark haired). He fed her some bullshit and she bought it apparently.

I’m torn between I don’t want to ruin their relationship and she should know + fuck those cheaters as a bonus.

The reason I don’t want to ruin his relationship even though in part he ruined my marriage is that he actually had moments like “this is fucked up, we’re going to hurt everyone, we shouldn’t be doing this but I like you so much” blah blah

So, what should I do? Nuke their relationship or leave them be?

EDIT: Just to make it clear, I’m speaking about nuking AP and his GF’s relationship by revealing his affair.

EDIT2: people are accusing me of fake story bcs how can I get papers quickly? It takes 30 mins to download template/form from the court website, fill in personal details and print it.

How do I have all these information? From their messages. They talked about everything, he even sent my wife photo of her hair his gf sent him when she found it.","YWNBTA

>I can’t stand her, but I’m rethinking filling those papers because of the baby.

Do you want to teach your child to put up with a partner who cheats on them?

>I’m torn between I don’t want to ruin their relationship

You wouldn't be, he ruined their relationship when he cheated on her."
AITAH if I seek retaliation towards my MIL,"WIBTHA if I posted someone's number who has mine listed as their own and I get spammed daily with over 50 calls from ""potential spam"" asking for this person's property to be bought or bills to be paid? I feel it would be sweet justice to their number with the world to have them called so many times a day?! It would be karma at this point. Every single spam call I get is asking for my mother in law and not me.",Can you sign her up for phone calls? Like insurance agents or something. Or list something for sale at a ridiculous low price.
AITAH for thinking that I should only be the one using my own bath towel?,"My husband thinks I shouldn't get angry when he uses my bath towel, despite him having his own. I think it's unhygienic and disrepectful as I have repeatedly told him not to do it. We do have a separate hand towel, but I use my towel. Towels are washed weekly. ","NTA you don’t need to justify personal boundaries, you want your own towel. If he’s being an antagonistic asshole about it, ask him why he’s choosing this hill to die on.

All the ways we try to find to keep the wife happy, whilst this dude is going out of his way to cause trouble."
AITAH for making comments about my partner smoking weed and casual drinking?,"My partner (27M) and I (26F) have been together for 8 years. We both have drugs and/or alcohol addiction that run in the family. I don’t smoke (I have tried weed when I was a teenager but don’t like it) or drink maybe once a year. My partner, however, does. When we first got together he only really chewed tobacco and occasionally drank. Per an agreement for him to get a new truck he quit chewing (it was really the only way we could comfortably afford the truck payments at the time) although it did take him almost a year past our agreed upon quit date I am still really proud of him for kicking that habit. It wasn’t a big enough deal that I didn’t wanna be with him but I still thought it was nasty.🤷🏻‍♀️ 
Anyways since then he started smoking pot/pens regularly. Everyday in fact. Personally, I think it is partially a way to combat his struggles with social anxiety. And while he doesn’t drink everyday he does drink 2-3 margaritas every single time we have a sit down dinner which is 1-2 even 3 times a week. (Neither of us like cooking and we can financially afford it). It is important to note his father is an extreme alcoholic. My partners drinking has negatively influenced his health and has caused high liver enzymes. While it’s not at a dangerous level yet that still really bothers me. Because it feels almost compulsive to reach for a joint/drink. And i don’t like it. He has never been fully sober the entire time we have been together and I think it is a problem. 
We got into an argument because I occasionally make snippy remarks about it all or give him “a look” when he orders that 3rd margarita at dinner. He has never told me those remarks hurt his feelings or sincerely asked me to stop. Although I don’t feel like I was being malicious and trying to hurt his feelings I absolutely acknowledge I make remarks sometimes went he asks me to roll him a joint or he says he wants to by another ounce when it wasn’t that long ago we bought one. 
Well everything came to a halt yesterday morning when he said his pen was gone and I packed him his last bowl. I said we could make time to snag a pen at the dispensary and he said no he wanted to wait a couple days because we had alot of extra expenses coming out this weeks. This is literally the first time he has went without smoke in like 3 years.. he has never ran out without refilling the same day. So I asked while half laughing are you sure? I don’t want you to be a dick to me because you are going through withdrawals? Well, since then we have gotten into a fight because apparently the comments I make, make him feel like a piece of shit and like he might as well be coming home and smoking/drinking until he passes out. After taking a moment to really think about why it truly bothers me I told him I think it’s because I feel like I am seeing additive characteristics that I just don’t like. I wasn’t trying to say I think he is an addict.. I was trying to be honestly about why I think I don’t like it. And he tried turning it into I just don’t care about what he wants or what he likes but that he will stop to pretty much get me to stfu about it. Idk..I am just feeling like we have hit a point where I am questioning if this is my life partner? He is only 27 and showing something I really don’t like and don’t think I can or should support.","It seems like he traded his chewing tobacco addiction for a different addiction.  It doesn't sound like he really changed for the better. 

ESH

His habits are hurting his health, finances, and the relationship.  You're trying to play ""the bad cop"" and that's a failing path that breeds resentment, it's not the right approach.  He has to change but you can't force him to change, he has to really want change for his own selfish reasons.   

Once he has the motivation to change, the next step should be to accept that the problem is bigger than both of you and doing it through force of will just won't work.  It's time to get help."
AITAH for not opening the front door for by fiancé,"My partner (M27) and I (F24) just got back home from having dinner at his parent’s house. As we arrive on our street, we remember that it’s bin day tomorrow as all the neighbours have put out their bins.

We park the car and my partner asks if I could open the back door for him when I go inside, so he could grab the bin from there and take it outside. I agree.

I go inside, open the back door, he enters. I then go to the front door and lock it and use the loo by the front door. My partner then shouts (to get my attention, not maliciously) if I could open the front door so he can come through it on the way back from doing the bins. I let him know that I am currently occupied and ask why can’t he use the back door as I just opened it for him- he responds that he doesn’t want to do that and would rather use the front door. I remind him again that I am currently engaged and I will not be hurrying just to open a door when there’s already one open. I hear him leave and when he re-enters through the back door, he is dramatically banging his shoes together, throws his coat on the floor and clearly annoyed that I didn’t open the door.

I know it’s stupid but I just got to know, AITA for not opening the door?

EDIT: To be fair, I think he was annoyed mostly by the fact that he stood on a slug on the way back :( he just told me that’s what happened when he entered so his actions may not be completely towards the door situation.",Im deleting reddit.
WIBTAH for cutting my mom off?,"my parents are abusive, not in the physical way but more on the emotional side. Im confident that i want to cut my dad off because he's the reason for a lot of the abuse but im not sure if i should cut my mom off as well. She's more complex as she has stood up for me when my dad tried to kick me out but she wouldnt do it because she thinks im right, she'd do it because im a minor and she has to take care of me till I'm 18. She says it in a ""we have to do this because i popped this kid out"" not because of love or anything. She has also body shamed me since I was a child and has ignored me when I told her I was getting bullied in school. 

But even though she herself isn't the best parent, she's better than my dad and she's also a victim of abuse. But i also know that she's not gonna divorce my father any time soon because that is very frowned upon in my country and even if she does, she will live with me all the time because she doesn't see the point of living alone and I don't want that at all. 

I do feel bad for her as a woman because she was also oppressed but as a child, I don't want to talk to her ever again. So first of all, should i cut her off? and if i do would i be the a-hole?","How do you cut off someone you have to live with?  I don't think that phrase means what you think it does.  I think you mean you want to start giving them the silent treatment.

Until you leave home, you're stuck dealing with them.  Keep to yourself as much as possible.  I don't think you can maintain silent treatment for long.  Work on moving out.  Look for roommates.  Save your money and get the heck out of dodge.  Then you can actually cut them off by going NC.

Good luck."
"AITAH for asking a question at work, then getting let go","I started with this plumber guy last month. He's a master plumber and I'm a helper at this point. For a few days everything was going okay, we got along, we worked together. Then one day, we were getting loaded up to unclog a drain and he needed the commercial plumbing snake loaded in the back of the truck. I asked him... ""Do you need me to clear a spot first so we could put it in?"" 

He blew up and was like... ""JUST DO WHAT I SAY BRO, YOU COME OFF AS CONDESCENDING."" 

At first I was taken back, just because I didn't mean anything by it and it was a honest question. 

His truck did seem messy, but I never said anything about it prior. 

The rest of the day I kept a bit more quiet than usual, and he said ""I see how you play the game bro""... Idk 

  
The following week he sort of ghosted me (which maybe is for the best), but I can't help but think if I was the asshole in this. Should I apologize? Or just chalk it up to a ""live and learn"" moment? ",I don't know that you're going to get a lot of good answers here.  You haven't provided enough context for anyone other than a plumber to understand the problem.
AITAH for not letting my ex see his child,"I (30's F) won't let my ex (30's) male (let's call him John) see his son We broke up a few years ago as I'd found John was cheating on me since we found I was pregnant and was also messaging women through social media saying he wanted to meet them and he loved them. I'd found out 2 years later After we broke up I said he could see his son as I didn't want him to grow up without a father but I would have been more comfortable with this if I didn't have to be near John (he did become manipulative and controlling during and after pregnancy) and I would get a family member or friend to meet them at a park. He refused this saying didn't want to see his son. Fine with me.

This is where it all gets a lot worse. We didn't have any contact because I didn't feel comfortable with this, especially as we didn't really need to talk anyway because he didn't want contact 6months after we'd broke up I found out John had been arrested. He was taken to the High courts and found guilty (messaging 13yr old girls very explicit things) given a suspended sentence, put on child sex offence register and ordered to pay court costs plus unpaid work. I told his family I didn't want him anywhere near me or my my, when's he old enough I will tell him what happened and he can make his mind up but for now the only thing she knows is that his dad just isn't in the picture After John's parole had finished (he had parole officer because of the suspended sentence) he tried to get in contact through social services to have contact with my son. I said no as I didn't feel comfortable with this especially as they said they couldn't supervise visits (I'd have to have someone from my family or a friend to supervise. As much as I trust my family and friends if I did agree I would have preferred to have a professional there such as a social worker) They told me he had the right to take me to court for visitation as he is on the birth certificate and now his family are saying I'm in the wrong for stopping him from seeing his own son. I just don't feel comfortable with this given what he was arrested and found guilty for, what he put me through during relationship and how he doesn't seem to care or understand the whole situation. Some family members are on my 'side' and understand why I don't want any contact and have even told me that he is just carrying on as if nothing happened, still tried to work until his boss found out just before the trial (he needed time off work for this) and he was sacked for what he was arrested for initially but also trying to hide it and not tell the boss what happened.

I just don't know what to do, I'm adament I do not want him near me or my son and don't want any contact with him whatsoever but his family are just making me feel so guilty because ""he has a right as a father"" and ""I can't stop a father seeing his own child no matter what the situation"" Sorry for the long post but AITAH for standing my ground?",You need a lawyer and a custody agreement
"AITAH for messing with my friend about a ""local"" food rule and making him embarrass himself at a dinner?","i(26M) live in a big city and i’m always trying new food spots, especially when friends visit. one of my close friends m(27M) is weirdly intense about “authentic” food. like he’ll correct menus, tell servers they’re doing it wrong, and act like there’s one official version of everything.

  
last weekend i invited him and a few friends over. i made a big pot of stew inspired by a trip i took, plus some sides and cocktails. while we were cooking he started doing his usual thing, saying stuff like “real versions never use that ingredient” and “tourists ruined it.” it was already getting on my nerves.

  
so i decided to mess with him. i told him, totally straight-faced, that the ingredient he hates (a common garnish) is actually considered disrespectful in the region now and that locals will call you out for it. i added a bunch of details like “there was a big debate about it” and “some places will refuse to serve you.” i assumed he’d catch on because we’ve always joked around.

  
he did not catch on. at dinner he brought it up to everyone like it was a serious cultural rule and even lectured my roommate f(25F) for adding it to her bowl. it got awkward fast.

  
after people left i told him i was kidding. he got really upset and said i made him look stupid and that i “played with his beliefs.” now he wants an apology and says i crossed a line even if he can be annoying.

  
aitah for pulling the prank when i know he takes “authenticity” way too seriously?","""His beliefs""?  
lol that BS line alone is enough for me to vote NTA.  
All you did was pop the little bubble of pretension he'd been living in."
AITAH for getting angry at my mother about this?,"I'll start with my family situation: My sister (31) still lives with my parents. She doesn't pay rent or contribute to household expenses, only paying for her cats and luxuries: travel, restaurant meals, clothes, skincare, technology, etc. So much so that if she buys something expensive at the supermarket, she keeps it in her room and doesn't share it with anyone. My mother spends her entire pension at the supermarket; she buys all the food. The house belongs to my father, and he pays for the electricity, gas, energy, and property taxes (the rent I pay covers those expenses). My parents are divorced but still live together. My sister hates my father and is very close to my mother. I (f29) left their house 5 years ago precisely because of their toxic dynamic. A year ago, I had to live near them, and my mother took care of me because I had a psychotic depressive episode and needed support. I'm incredibly grateful for that because it allowed me to recover and pursue a life plan I had.

I'm a 29-year-old woman studying abroad. I always wanted to migrate, and I finally managed to enroll in a master's program in Spain. Having never lived outside my hometown, I decided to try my luck and then decide whether or not to stay abroad. For this reason, I asked my mother to take care of my two male cats for the 10 months of my studies. She agreed with certain conditions, as she has three female cats at home. The agreement was as follows: I would continue to cover all my cats' expenses and would also pay rent for the garage at her house. My cats would stay there while she socialized them with her own cats, and then they would all live together in the house.


Once I left, my mother started taking my cats to the vet without my permission, and then billed me for all the bills. I understand that initially they were just checkups, but the cats were healthy, and out of nowhere, they started needing treatment for parasites they didn't have when they were with me. Then, one of them had to have surgery (it's a longer story, but in short, it was necessary and the surgery made sense). I sent my mother double the total cost of the surgery so she could buy the medication and take care of the wound. However, it got infected, and she told me she had to take him to the vet several more times... More money and a bunch of excuses for not having socialized him with her own cats.


Finally, I traveled to my country for Christmas. I was so happy, and I was also accompanied by my new boyfriend, who was going to meet my whole family. Once I arrived at my mother's house, my cats were covered in dust like strays. One of them had tons of matted fur, they looked scared, and they were very, very fat. My heart was broken! I was filled with rage because it seemed like they were being treated like furniture. They weren't allowed to leave that room; there weren't any windows to keep the dust out, at least not at night, and the whole place was filthy. (Before I left to study, I saw the place where they would be staying, cleaned it thoroughly, bought them everything they needed, and my mother promised me she would put in windows. That never happened.)

I confronted her. I wasn't gentle at all; I was furious. I told her I was disappointed and asked how these conditions for my cats were even possible. If she didn't feel capable of doing it, she could have just said she couldn't take care of them. I told her it was obvious the surgical wound was going to get infected if the place was completely filthy. I told her it made me very sad to feel like I didn't have my family's support for this, since it was very important to me. She told me I was ungrateful and that she was going to tell my grandmother everything I was saying; she even started recording me to show the audio to my grandmother. I had to stay there another week waiting for my boyfriend to arrive in the country. I cleaned what I could, bathed the cats, brushed them, and spent time with them that week.
After my boyfriend arrived, we went to an Airbnb together, but neither my mother nor my sister wanted to spend any time with us. They told us it would be better to spend New Year's Eve with other people, and they only agreed to meet my boyfriend for one day, after we both traveled 15 hours to see them and be with them. My boyfriend and I went every day to spend time with the cats, but we didn't feel welcome. My mother never missed an opportunity to tell me how ungrateful and bad a daughter I was.


The last day I was there, she refused to say goodbye. She told me not to come back, and when I asked her why she was treating me like that, she said I deserved it. Am I really such a bad daughter for getting angry about these conditions after she didn't keep our promises?It really hurt to leave my cats there any longer, and now I'm trying to find somewhere else to leave them with the help of my friends, since I'm far away.","It’s okay to be my mad. Sounds like your mom is jealous of your freedom. Do like se say, get a life beyond the family home."
AITAH for not liking my boyfriends little sister?,"Hi everybody just wanted to say my english isn't the best so sorry if it makes no sense! Just for some context, me (17F) and my boyfriend (18M) have been dating for almost 3 years now, and for the entirety of our relationship we have been long distance but live in the same country (New Zealand). I live in the South Island while my boyfriend lives in the North Island.

For the first maybe 2 years in our relationship, it was only my boyfriend coming to visit me in the North Island because my Asian mother is pretty strict and didn’t allow me to visit my boyfriend in the South Island until I reached a certain age. I started coming to his house in the middle of last year and his mom welcomed me nicely. It was mostly me, my boyfriend, and his mother, because his little sister would rather spend her days with her half-brother at his place, so because of that I haven’t met her properly.

So right now I’m at his house for the 3rd or 4th time and his sister is home constantly due to her half-brother starting to doing drugs and overall just being really mean towards her, and my boyfriend’s mother doesn’t want her around him anymore, which I think is very valid.

Anyways, during my first few days, my boyfriend regularly had to go to work and his sister seemed to really like me and always wanted to hang out with me, which I didn’t mind because she is like 10. The problem is that she is a very spoiled brat, especially towards her mother. When I say she is spoiled, this little girl is on a whole different level.

I don’t want to put the entire blame on her because the reason for this behaviour resulted from the adults around her not raising her right. She would throw these insane tantrums, like throwing stuff at her mom, kicking and slapping her, and cussing her out very vulgarly. There are many instances where she literally treats her mother like a slave, yelling at her to open her water bottle that is right in front of her, getting mad that her mom didn't peel the banana, basically forcing her mother to buy McDonald's or Domino's because she doesn't like home-cooked meals even though her mom would always try to explain she doesn't have the money for it so she would encourage her to eat other food than fast food but in the end, she buys it for her anyways because that's just how horrible her tantrums are. 

What I noticed is that everyone around her will enable this behaviour, especially her mother. I don't want to blame her mother entirely because the family has been through a lot and it isn't my place to judge her parenting. Comparing her to my asian mother who if I ever to yell or hit her even when I was a kid, best believe I would be punished physically or getting grounded (in my family that meant no screen time for however long my mom choose for) while her mother never punishes her at all. She just allows her own daughter hitting, kicking her and cussing her out. All she could basically say is ""Don't hit me."" or ""Don't talk to me like that."" But you could very obviously tell that the sister doesn't care or take her seriously because she would just repeat this behaviour.

Maybe this is a cultural difference, as I am Asian and my boyfriend’s family is mostly white, and I came to New Zealand around 4 years ago so I’m still kinda adjusting to the culture here???? Anyways, she’s just extreme is what I’m saying.

So she seemed to really like me in the beginning of my stay but there was this one day where it was me and my boyfriend babysitting her after going to their cousin’s birthday party and she was having one of her tantrum moods, which is very frequent (like a couple times a day?). Her tantrums were bad because her dad was supposed to come over but was taking a while, so she just exploded her anger towards me and my boyfriend. It got to the point where she practically threw the family’s cat and cried like a baby. I forgot to mention that she has this habit where she pretends to be a literal baby. Talking in a baby voice saying sentences like “me no likey dat,” then 5 minutes later she would make thirst traps to Rod Wave on TikTok.

So she was just screaming and crying like a baby and I was really on the edge while my boyfriend kept saying I should comfort her because she likes me more. But every time I tried, she would act like a literal baby. I don’t know, I was just listening to her trying not to be mad.

After that day, the relationship between me and her got weird. She started to openly be mean to me, which my boyfriend said is her “getting used to me,” but still, it doesn’t mean I want to be treated badly by a 10 year old.

I don't know if this is important to the story but she would never display her spoiled tantrums and behaviors when new people are around or like if people are visiting if that makes sense. She seemed to be relatively shy, calm and overall just acting like a normal kid when other people are around (people who aren't family) which is what happened to me when I first met her a couple of times when she was staying at her half-brothers house. It is only when I started visiting my boyfriend frequently and seeing her more often, she started to slowly uncover her real self to me. Each day I'm more and more shocked about how she acts.

Now the weirdest part is how she is in this one-sided competition with me for my boyfriend. I don’t know if I’m being extra delusional or this is just a typical kid thing to do, but she would weirdly copy little things I do as well as trying to get my boyfriend’s entire attention, even though she didn’t bother to do all this before.

One time she basically begged us to go to the supermarket with us, so when I was getting into the front passenger seat I mentioned jokingly that I was a “passenger princess.” Then while going back home from the supermarket she wanted to be the “passenger princess,” which I thought was cute at first, but then she started to talk about how she was here before me and how my boyfriend loves her more. I mean, she isn’t wrong??? This is kind of where the competition started. Everything I want to do with my boyfriend she has to be there, and every time I’m talking to my boyfriend she would say that nobody gives a shit. Like for example today, she was in the car with us after begging and crying to hang out with us and I was telling my boyfriend that I'm really nervous and anxious about the exam results coming out soon. Then his sister out of nowhere said loudly that nobody gives a shit which upset so I told her that I wasn't talking to her. She goes on to say that my boyfriend doesn't care about what I have to say so I asked if that was true and obviously he denied then she says he is lying and actually doesn't give a shit. I don't have a clue if she genuinely believes that my boyfriend doesn't care about me or she was just ragebaiting me but either way it really hurt my feelings.

Or another example is when I was in the kitchen with my boyfriend making dinner and she comes in saying that there is too many people in the kitchen and somebody needed to get out. My boyfriend then jokingly says she should get out because she was the one that barged in but she completely ignored what he said and told me to get out because she was here first. I awkwardly laughed saying that I was here in the kitchen way before she was which then she says ""No, I was here before you that means you should get out."" Meaning that she's his sister and she was here long before I started dating him.

I feel like I’m talking too much. I don’t know, it’s just these weird comments she makes towards me specifically about her being here before me and how I’m basically nothing compared to her. There are a lot of moments like this.

Today, while my boyfriend was at his sports training, I was making a CV for him and she asked what I was doing and I explained. Then she started to talk about how I shouldn’t be making the CV because I don’t know him enough, which I kinda laughed at, and it seemed to upset her more. She said that she is his little sister and she knows him more, so I just said okay sure, but then she kept going on and on about I know nothing about my boyfriend and she knows more because she is his little sister. This isn't me being biased but I know for a fact I know my boyfriend more. We have a healthy relationship and would tell each other everything. After this interaction, I decided to get on reddit to tell my story and as I am typing all of this, she would try to take a peek at what I'm doing so I would either close my laptop or switch tabs. She kept asking what I was doing and I told her that this isn't none of her beeswax as a joke but she goes to her mom to say that I am being sus? Her mom asked why to which she said, ""She isn't letting me see what she is doing on her laptop.""

I understand she is just a kid and is curious but I told her multiple times that I'm not telling her what I'm doing on my laptop and she kept insisting that I do. I set boundaries and I guess she didn't like that and had to go on complain about it to her mother.

But yeah, sorry, I rambled too much. I think I just need to let this frustration out somehow, because every time I tried to talk to my boyfriend about it he dismisses it and says that’s just how his sister is. I mean, he tries to defend me from her time to time but it is only when I give him a look. And whenever he does defend me, it is like the bare minimum? He wouldn't tell her to stop being mean, you know?

I would express my frustration or at least try to and he would just say, ""Take it with my mom"" or ""Tell my sister that."" I know he doesn't agree with his mother's parenting and has told her numerous times that her sister is spoiled but anything he said wouldn't be taken into consideration so I'm guessing he is saying that to me because he lost hope. He told his mom about her being kinda mean towards me, which the mom said I was overreacting, which really hurt my feelings but in another way, I do see where the mother is coming from. She is probably so used to this constant abuse from her child that it's normalized to her.

From an outside perspective, his sister is the most spoiled child ever. I have been around plenty of white children and they don’t act the way she does. She doesn’t listen, wants constant attention, victim mentality like she could never do no wrong and it is just everyone around her thats mean but I can’t deal with the constant baby talk and crying and cussing her mom out. It’s exhausting and I can’t even imagine how her mom feels dealing with her 24/7.

I follow his sister on TikTok and she doesn't post the typical stuff a 10 year old would post like dancing videos. Instead, she would post really sad stuff about how no one understands her and blah blah. If you look at her reposts, it is all about being misunderstood, no one loves her, and depressive posts etc. But I feel as though that this is all performative or to gain sympathy because nobody ever stands up to her so whenever someone will try to say no to her, she would just go ballistic and that's when all the sad posts will come out.

I don’t know, I feel as though there are underlying issues like maybe lack of father figure in her life? Or how her half-brother she was insanely close with suddenly became a drug addict — even then, when he was in her life she still acted like this. Or maybe undiagnosed autism? Either way, these could be dealt with the right parenting and everyone around her not enabling this.

I’m always trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but recently it’s just been really hard to, and I could tell the way my boyfriend looks at me that he doesn’t like the fact that I dislike his sister, which I understand, but it’s impossible to.

I just wanted to know if I’m overreacting or not.

Thanks for listening to me, any comment or advice or criticism is welcomed.","ngl this kid isn’t “quirky,” she’s straight up feral 😭 throwing cats + cussing her mom?? that’s not a personality, that’s bad parenting. ur not crazy."
"AITAH FOR ""HUMILIATING"" MY 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IN FRONT OF HER CLASSMATES","Hi everyone this is a throwaway account so I hope my parents dont find this. Something happened last year that is still affecting us til now and I dont know how to go about it. 

I 45f and my husband 47m have 4 kids (17f, 15f and 11m). My 15year old Alexia (fake name) is a bully. We found out last year after the victim's mom talked to me during a school pickup. For more insight, the victim is dyslexic and is very shy because of that. My daughter apparently is relentlessly bullying her and calling her names like dense, illiterate and mute. Im not saying my daughter is the only bully because half the class was bullying the girl. They isolated her over her learning disability and mistreated her for months. Apparently this was going on for months,  without the school contacting parents of bullies but punishing the bullies. 

So after some time I spoke to my husband and we had a talk with her that she should apologise to the girl and she said no she wont be doing that. At the end of year Parent Teacher Conference because we usually have 3 in a school year, I walked up front and apologised for my daughter's actions in front of everyone, and specially apologised to the victim's mother. My daughter did not want to apologise so I did it instead. A few weeks after that my mom called me telling me that I humiliated my daughter and that there was a better way to handle it. I am guessing Alexia told her. 

I told her that I asked Alexia to aplogise and she repeatedly declined so I decided to be a decent human and do it, the other parents there say they would never put their child through that. My mom said I was reacting off the fact that I was bullied and I am taking that out on my kid over a few months of bad behaviour. I told her I am not raising a bully. Alexia went to my parents house during the christmas with her siblings and this past week says she doesnt wanna come back to stay with us anymore she wants to live with her grandparents and my parents are encouraging her. I argued with my parents about them enabling her and we are sick of it but they wont listen. 

I just dont get why she would bully, she was never bullied, we are not strict parents, we give all our kids love and attention. My mother's response dissapointed me because she has seen what bullying did to me so why would she want me to raise someone who would treat someone else's child like that. The school did nothing to help the victim and infact just kept giving Alexia and whoever was part of it, detention and manual labour punishment, It sucks to see thet bullying still isnt taken seriously. Schools reopen soon so my husband says we should go get her whether she likes it or not. Do we switch her schools before schools reopen or just keep her at the same school.

AITAH FOR apparently humiliating her in front of her peers? I just wanna make sure we raise a decent human being but its like she doesnt even seem remorseful of her actions. Also maybe the fact that some of her friends parents didnt punish them makes her feel like I am being tough on her. Am I wrong?","NTA. Apologizing isn’t humiliating. She still doesn’t get it and is still acting like a bully, and unless this is addressed properly, the same girl will keep being bullied."
AITAH for never telling my older brother I loved him?,"My 19F older brother 25M just died a few weeks ago, just days before Christmas, he had a heart attack and died at the hospital, it destroyed all of us especially my dad, he hasn’t been himself since then. 

My older brother was obese, we always tried getting him to go to the gym or get on a diet but nothing helped, for the past few years every single day he’d drink multiple energy drinks while not physically moving anywhere, he had a desk job where he sat all day long, I always loved him but the past few years I resented him for not changing anything about his life and I always knew this was probably going to happen if he didn’t change, we tried the nice way with him and it didn’t work so I tried being mean, I told him no girl I know would be fine with someone like him who doesn’t take care of himself, he didn’t care or listen to me, I was so mad at him but deep down I always loved him, despite everything he was a good older brother and he loved me and would always spoil me, but I wanted him to improve his life. And now he’s dead and buried, and I fucking hate him for it so much. He could still be here right now if he just listened to us. 

I love him so much and I hope he knew before he died that I did love him despite of everything and that I only acted like that because I loved him, I haven’t told him that I love him in years before he died. I miss him so much already. 

Was I an asshole for how I treated him? I only did it because he wasn’t listening to us when we were polite and I thought being brutally honest would help him more even if it hurt him. ","You do know that it’s possible to both be hard on someone while assuring them that they are loved, right, OP? 

Yeah, YTA. Sorry. We all make mistakes when we are young, and the regrets we have when people die aren’t regrets that can be tidied away through any amount of self-justification. 

Just try to be kind, find your ethical boundaries (most of us do this by making mistakes, most small, some big) and try to be a good person as judged by your own conscience."
AITAH that my boyfriend gets coughed for weed?,"Long story short: Im 29(f) and my boyfriend 32(m) were dating like 1,5 years. One month ago we had a really big fight so some of our neighbours called to police, when police came in our apartment they had separate conversations with me and my partner. I was in tears because he did really scared me that night but I didn’t press any charges even though police officer told me not to be afraid to call police if I feel myself in danger . In his situation everything was different because police did found some weed in his pockets. So they took him to the police station and I think now it in his case. Eventually we had a looooong conversation after and tried to figure out what to do after. He was beginning me not to breaking up with him and give him a chance. I did give him a chance and after that everything was great. Until today.
He works as a bartender but he wanted to apply for another job (Uber). Fine. I was supportive, helping him as I could. But eventually he failed the security check (because of that story with a weed) he became absolutely fuming and keeps telling me that it was all my fault. That all was because of me. 
Im so tired for another fight but I also don’t know what to do: if I try to finish this relationship he’ll start threatening me with his su”””de( it was like that previous 3 times) 
I feel trapped because I’m alone in this country, and I basically don’t know what to do. Im starting thinking that it all really was because of me. That if I was a little bit stronger I could just run away, but I’m not. He knows where I’m working, he knows where is my university and I literally can’t do nothing with it (because I’m supporting my family back in my country and my language is not good enough for some better job). I can’t even afford a therapist, so that’s why I’m writing it here to understand what is going on with my life. So  am I the asshole?","Just leave him. The situation isn't going to get better.  It only gets worse.  Involve the cops again.  Tell them he is threatening self harm.  

You're too young to let this shit become your life.  You're not describing a relationship.  It's a fucking hostage situation. Run before it gets any worse"
AITAH For Choosing Lord of The Rings Over My Girlfriend?,"Hoping to get some objective feedback on this situation as it’s gotten so emotionally tangled between us. 

I (28M) and my girlfriend (28F) have been together coming up on four years now. We love each other very much and although problems and disagreements come up we have always been able to work through them with empathy and care, but this time I’m worried I’m in the wrong. 

I am a huge movie buff, grew up watching movies constantly and LOVE Lord of The Rings, but my girlfriend grew up opposite to me and never really watched or cared for movies at all. She has however cared and put a lot of effort into watching movies that I loved as a kid or want to see now, it means a lot to me.

About a month ago I bought tickets to see each other the Lord of The Rings movies on a separate night of a weekend (one each night Friday, Saturday, and Sunday). It’s the 25th anniversary of the movies so they’re showing them in theaters for two weekend only. This weekend is the first weekend and next weekend is the second. I bought tickets for this weekend because our anniversary trip that I planned is that second weekend. I was too young when they came out to see them in theaters so when I saw they were coming back I jumped on the tickets right away. My girlfriend is even coming to watch the third one with me on Sunday, she said watching all of them back to back would be too much and I completely understood. 

My girlfriend is in an accelerated Masters program and has just started her Winter term of her final year last week. Already she is stressed out to the max and overwhelmed. I try to do all that I can to help alleviate any extra stress but school and work are plenty to drive anyone crazy. 

So the problem started last night when she came to me and told me that Saturday evening looked like it was going to be clear and perfect for a drive to the coast to watch the sunset. We live about an hour from the Pacific and often will drive over for a few hours then head home. With it being winter, the chances for it to be clear enough to see a nice sunset are rare, plus my girlfriend is someone (like me) who loves the outdoors and requires time and experiences to feel sane throughout the year. This is typically something I would love to do and would accept with no hesitation, but I told her I couldn’t due to the movie that night that I already bought a ticket for. 

I don’t think it’s worth it to go beat by beat with this conversation but essentially she’s upset because she feels like we haven’t had time to connect in the last few weeks and that I’d rather go to a movie alone than the sunset with her. I tried to explain that I’ve had these tickets for a long time and have been looking forward to this. She says she’s been looking forward to her plans all day and now that they aren’t going to happen she’s really really sad and feels like she has nothing to get her through this week. I suggested she ask some friends to go with her but she said she’s only wanted to go with me and that nights like this won’t happen again this winter. I don’t often schedule things just for me, and I was feeling really defensive that this was the first time in what I felt was a while that I planned something just for myself and now I felt like I should cancel it to make her feel better. 

We didn’t resolve it in that initial conversation and she gave me a cold shoulder the rest of the night. This morning we tried to talk about it again and she said she was hoping I would just cancel the movie and go with her because I would realize that’s the right thing to do, but that just made me dig my heels in harder. She was so upset about it that she started to really break down and cry. She said if I truly understood how hard this term has been for her then I would change my plans. She feels so strongly about this that it makes me question if I should just give in and change my plans but I am so worried that will lead to resentment on my end. Any other day of the year and I’m right there with her but this is the one time I want to do something just for me and I’m having a really hard time letting it go. I love my girlfriend so much and never want to see her so upset, especially for something that I’m contributing to but AITAH??","NTA

For some reason she's trying to manipulate you into giving way on one of your passions to ""prove"" she means more to you. 

Does she test you in other ways?"
AITAH for telling my mum she is at fault for my cat dying?,"In September unfortunately my cat passed away. He was about 8 years old which is young for a cat to pass away. We don’t know how he died we just found him in the morning where he seemed to be sleeping before dying.

For months he was showing concerning behaviour and he was constantly ill which I brought to my mums attention constantly. Every time he was ill I told her we needed to get him checked out but she would always tell me that cats always get sick and he will be fine. I knew that he wasn’t fine but there was nothing I could do about it since I am a minor and I can’t make vet appointments. He was so obviously ill and she knew it but she thinks that the vet is a waste of money which I also believe but money is not an issue in our family. We aren’t rich but we are able to afford vet trips since they aren’t constant.

Now here’s where i had an argument with her. My other cat who is my dead cats sibling has been showing concerning behaviour which we took her to the vet for and they gave her medication. A few weeks later she was doing the same thing and I was really concerned and I told her we needed to take her to the vet. She said I will and that was that. She did not book and appointment so again I brought it up and she said that she will but she didn’t again. So I said to her again that we really needed to take her and that I was worried for her. This caused an argument and I told my mum how scared I was for my cat and that I didn’t want another one of my pets dying. My mum called me a weirdo for acting how I was but I just was trying to get her to listen to me. I told her that my other cat dying was her fault which I know is harsh and I shouldn’t have said it but at the same time she was negligent towards his health and didn’t listen to me for months. She just started yelling at me and was ignoring the points I was making.

We ended up taking my other cat to the vet and there was in fact something up that needed to be treated and she is on medication again and should be feeling better soon.","So sorry for your loss, yet so glad you advocated for the other. NTA, it is your mother's fault a cat has died, she's such an Ahole. Keep being a good and responsible person!"
My (32M) GF (29F) says she is a “shell” of who she was and that I made her insecure. She says she loves me but she doesn’t love herself anymore. AITAH for this?,"We started dating about 10 months ago. She really is a lovely girl and we clicked instantly, shared similar views, and just get along so well.

Early on in the relationship though, I was not very sure what I wanted and I really hurt her. She was all in about pursuing me after a couple weeks. She said she canceled/called off all her other potential Hinge dates. Told them she dates 1 at a time and that if anything changes she’d let them know.

I told her I’d only date her too. But.. I continued talking to girls, flirting, basically pretending I was fully single. There was a night we went out together, had sex, then slept over. Then next day I had day drinking plans with friends. I went all around town, getting numbers and flirting. She later found out and was crushed this happened on the same day we had a romantic night together. I told her it was just out of insecurity and I didn’t want to act on it or have anything to do with them. There were many other events too… she caught me looking up my previous flings, I told her about girls at my work that I have been flirting with, that I still have nudes of my ex but I don’t wanna delete them yet. And told her about multiple girls I slept with just week and weeks before meeting her. She said this all broke her.
I told her I love the gym and it’s a dealbreaker for me. She was happy to take on my lifestyle habit and started going to the gym with me daily early in the morning. She now loves it and is super fit. (She already was quite fit in the first place tho, but now extremely). She hated that I constantly asked her what her weight is and thought I was asking because I was tracking and hoping she’d lose weight. I was more just curious cuz I’m into fitness and such, but I understood that it can be hurtful.
I sold her my car and she lets me use it anytime so I don’t have to put miles on my new work (long commute to work). I think all this stuff piled up and she says I made her someone insecure.
Is this feeling valid or are these normal things in relationship - AITAH?","Omg dude. YTA X4 things in this one post alone. 


Work on yourself. "
AITAH For just stopping communication with my brother?,"Let me preface this whole thing by saying, this is gonna be a long post and most people view me as leaning towards an asshole because I am extremely blunt. One of the ways I am blunt is that I don't believe one person's morals should negate the morals of another person. Example, I am not religious, I do not believe in God but if you do I think that is awesome, you have a level of faith that I have not been able to achieve. But a few years ago there was this cake company that refused to make a cake for a gay wedding stating that they don't want to be involved because they are Christians and this went against their morals. This somehow went viral because people said they were homophobic ect. But these are their values and morals and they stuck by them and I commend them for not compromising those morals. To me this is no different than a Jewish owned catering company saying we only cook kosher and refusing to make pork loin for a catering job. It goes against their beliefs and their are probably other catering services that will accommodate your needs, just like there is most likely a cake company out there that will make your cake for you but instead you have made it your goal to try and destroy these people for their morals and beliefs because they don't align with yours. Call me an asshole if you like but that's where I stand on the issue. 

  
With all that being said here we go. I have pretty much known that my brother is gay since he was knee high to a grasshopper, it's just who he is. I used yo have a problem with it because of how I was raised but now later in life I realized how stupid this is. I did however have a problem with the fact that he married a woman and was cheating on her with men. He told me at one point he had told his wife and they agreed he could keep doing it but I still disagreed it wasnt fair to her, my moral values here. He finally decided that he was going to divorce and ""come out"" to the world after our mother passed, she also knew by the way. They had been married for 15 years or so at this point. I offered to build him and my nephew rooms in my basement so that he could get his feet under him and save for his own place. He said awesome, and was so excited about all the men he was about to date and how he wanted to play the field now that he was out. My wife, a Christian asked that he not bring home a bunch of men to our house because she did not want that around our young children, her morals and beliefs. He responded by saying he was going to and if we didn't like it he would move in, I responded by saying then that is your decision good luck to you. He got his own apartment.

  
Fast forward a few years, I am a conservative and I speak my mind, again I am very blunt. Things like I don't think biologically male athletes should be in women's sports, I said what I said. My brother and I butt heads over stuff like this constantly over these few years. I am under the impression that what you do privately is fine but when what you do has an affect publically, like being a man in women's sports this is unfair to biological women, this is not right, period. Now my brother, before he came out used to love going fishing hunting and going to the range shooting with me, and stated after he came out he only did these things because he wanted me to like him to which I said dude your my brother I love you no matter what. But then he started like running as far from anything we had as far as he could, dying his hair purple putting on makeup and nail polish shit the man put on a cape and because ""SUPER GAY"" like almost cartoonish. I chalked this up to having spent his whole life up to this point trying to pretend being cis and figured it would even itself out eventually. He met a guy and they got married. We had one of our fillings out over moral issues and I was not invited to the wedding. I sent him a gift of a jigsaw and said ""I hope you two bui​ld something great together"". 

My brother came back around and it seemed like things were settling down. I then had a heart to heart with him. He asked me what I thought about him being gay and men being gay in general. I responded that probably only 10% of people are truly 100% straight and 10% ​are truly 100% gay. The rest of us lie somewhere in the other 80% leaning to one side or the other in varying degrees. And I said that I am most likely somewhere in there. I said that I can look at another man and see that that man is attractive and how another man could want him some of that, but that it really just doesn't work for  me. And that I was happy he found someone he coukd share his life with.

  
A few weeks or maybe months later, Thanksgiving was coming up and this was in the height of covid. My brother's husband's family was very strict about social distancing and I wanted to keep to social distancing during the holidays so no big family dinner. Our Parents had passed so it was just my brother and I left and I decided hey let's invite him and his husband and my nephew to a Thanksgiving dinner so they didn't have to be alone for their first Thanksgiving. I went on facebook to send him a message through messenger and the very first thing on his public page was a long post about how I didn't truly accept him that I only tolerate him. And how I think his lifestyle is sleeve. There was alot more to it but that was the gist of it. I have not spoken to him since. This was the final straw for me, those words never once came out of my mouth, and when my wife confronted him about the post he said ""I just love stirring the po​t"". He does stuff like this alot. When my mom was alive he charged up her credit cards and when asked to pay them he told my mother all she cared about was money and was greedy she said you don't owe me a dime and didn't talk to him for a year and a half. He talks about me behind my back constantly and I had heard about the shit he was saying but kept ignoring it, trying to keep the peace but my wife was pissed about this and hated that he was talking smack to his ""new"" family and telling them what horrible conservatives we are (my wife is a registered democrat). Bur this blatantly absurd lie of a post blew my top, I was just done. I got so angry I started to cry. I wanted to call him up and just let him have it, to let him know where the bear shit in the buckwheat but quickly realized this is exactly what he wanted. He wanted me to snap so he could say ""see look at the big mean man"". But I just wasn't having it.

  
He called me a few days later I ignored, he texted Happy Thanksgiving I ignored. He then texted my wife saying he didn't know what was going on to which my wife responded you know exactly what's wrong and you need to take this up with him. He responded saying well I guess the truth hurts, which means he knew all along he just wanted to get my goat. He even texted me several times telling me he was going to throw away large expensive tool I had lent him, because he wanted to start woodworking, if I didn't get back to him. At this point I am just tired of this petty ass bullshit from him and man life has been nice without the drama he constantly brought to the table. 

So AITAH For just cutting things off? I just don't want to deal with his shit anymore. It has been over 5 years at this point and I still haven't spoken to him despite the many times he has contacted me.","You do realize that this sub is mostly bleeding heart liberals and they're going to crucify you, right?"
AITAH for wanting my brother to be kicked out.,"My brother is a 19 y/o guy who still lives with my mum and dad, I call them my because I don't feel he deserves them, or any family. For some context, my parents are saints to my brother, they took him in from a dysfunctional home when he was young and adopted him, as they did for me. My mother spent 73 days and nights in the hospital when he beat cancer and through his journey. They have spent tens of thousands on speech therapy for him as he has a stammer. But he's such an ungrateful twat. He screams at my mother, he doesn't clean, can't cook, won't pay rent, takes a 40 minute shower every day, eats shit, and makes my parents pay for unnecessary medical aids, like skin meds, which he doesn't appreciate. I am at my limit with dealing with his shit, he is so unpleasant to be around I cannot go to family gatherings or dinner if he'll be there. He's such a jackass, and I want my parents to kick him out. If his room door is open, I can taste the smell when I'm walking up the stairs, but my parents don't care. It's driving me mad, and I can tell it's getting to my dad too. My dad founded his own business 30 years ago and does very good for us, he gave my brother half of his business to have as his own, he pays for his van and his equipment which is well over 70k worth, and my brother sleeps in until 4, goes on one job, and makes 10k a month. Yet he won't pay for shit in the house. He's a vile person, but I wonder if I'm being short sighted, and if it's extreme for me to want to have him kicked out? I feel it's really getting under my skin","I think you should tell your parents they are failing HIM right now, because they are enabling him to behave very badly without negative consequences. He needs to be put out into the real world where he can learn to be a functioning human and member of society."
AITAH for disagreeing with my mom over setting a boundary with a viewer,"This is my very first post so please be patient with me.

  
For some context I am a twitch streamer, a vtuber specifically. My model is completely covered, and not meant to be super attractive. A few weeks ago I had a viewer who started popping in regularly and began making flirty comments and insinuating physical advances. I tried to politely tell them that I wasn’t interested in that kind of thing. This person then immediately unfollowed me on all platforms and left my discord server. I just did a mental eye roll as it seemed to me that they only watched because they thought my model was attractive and not because they thought I was funny or whatever. Literally no biggie.

  
My parents know I stream and sometimes I tell them stuff about sponsors I got or things that happened on stream and I decided to tell my mother about this story. I told it like it was a funny story and her reaction was to sympathize with the former viewer. She said something along the lines of like ‘oh well that makes sense he probably thought he had a chance I don’t think that’s off.’ I tried to explain to her why thats generally not cool, and she said I was being harsh. 

She then wanted to keep talking about it, wanting me to see her side, but I told her I don’t know why you think that way but that’s ok you’re allowed to think differently and I wanted to conversation to end there. I said let’s just talk about something else. She accused me of dismissing her and became visibly angry although she’s very good at controlling her tone. It then became a whole thing of her thinking I was upset, when I told her I’m not im just seeing this conversation starting to steer in the same direction as previous ones and it always ends in us arguing so I’m trying to stop it before it gets to that point.

  
She then began asking things like, ‘should I not be able to say my opinion?’ and ‘well you tell me what I should have said’. At this point I’m a nervous wreck and I start fumbling over my words because, again, I see this conversation as a train that’s about to derail. I try to tell her that and that I’m trying to put on the breaks but it feels like she’s pushing full steam ahead. Her response is ‘don’t put this on me’ and at that point I can’t control it any longer and I start crying. 

This only serves to upset her more this seems as she starts saying that this isn’t normal and she’s just ‘trying to have a conversation’ and I should be able to talk to people. ‘I don’t know if you just can’t do face to face conversations anymore but you need to go to therapy.’ I work in customer service and talk to people for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. I don’t disagree that I need therapy but she makes me feel like I’m the only one with the problem and she’s done no wrong.

  
So I guess that’s my question. AITAH in general in this whole situation or are we both in the wrong? Because she makes it seem like it’s only me and I feel like I’m going crazy because of it.

  
Thank you.",nta I get the vibes she just wanted you to agree with her which is ??? you have the right to your own opinion
AITAH for not wanting to drive to my friends place to return her the keys from her apartment,"My friend from another city (let's call her Stacey) came to visit me during the winter holidays. Initially, it was planned that she would stay at my place, but due to my mother's unexpected visit (which I couldn't influence in any way), Stacey had to find another place to stay for a couple of days. So, I asked my other friend (let's call her Jessica) to take Stacey in. It's worth noting that I was the one handling the question of ""Where will Stacey live,"" because I was the one who invited her, and it seemed wrong to me to kick her out or make her pay for this situation; in any case, her visit was my responsibility.

Jessica agreed. She and Stacey got along well, even if they weren't close friends. However, it later turned out that even before Stacey was supposed to move into her apartment, Jessica would leave for her hometown to see her relatives. The problem was that she had only one copy of the keys, which couldn't be conveniently handed over in person. (On the day Jessica was leaving for the airport, Stacey was still staying with me). Therefore, it was decided that Jessica would leave the keys on a hook near the entrance to her apartment.

Anyway, shortly before it was time for Stacey to move into Jessica's apartment, we went together to get the keys. Once there, we discovered we couldn't retrieve the keys without entering the building's entrance, and to enter the entrance, you needed a key. So, we just waited for someone to come out of the building so we could slip through the open door. This wasn't much trouble for us or anything like that.

A little later, Stacey moved in, everything was fine. Except that upon her arrival, my mother almost immediately got sick, infecting me. I, in turn, infected Stacey. So, my mother left, and Stacey (already sick) moved back to my place to free up Jessica's apartment for her return.

Now comes the important part. Before leaving Jessica's apartment, we didn't know what to do with her keys, as we didn't know if she planned to go straight home after her flight or decided to stop by and meet at my place first (as she often did before). We tried to call Jessica, but she didn't answer, so we decided to keep the keys with us just in case. (Jessica had a late flight. And if we had left the keys by the apartment, she would have had to stand by the entrance, waiting for someone to come out, just like we did earlier. Only, we did it in the morning, and she would have had to stand in the freezing cold in the middle of the night when no one needs to leave the house).

Originally, we planned to meet Jessica from the plane (she was hoping for our help with her heavy bags), but due to illness, plans changed abruptly, and we had to come up with a new course of action. After all, we were both lying at home with a fever and couldn't meet her.

A few hours before Jessica's flight, Stacey texted her with a suggestion: Jessica would take a taxi from the airport to my house, where we would give her the keys, and then we would pay for her taxi to her apartment. Jessica agreed, and we calmly waited for her arrival, not giving it much more thought.

The problems started after her arrival. Basically, Jessica decided she was too tired to go to my house. As it turned out, she initially planned to come to my place by bus, although we were sure she would take a taxi. Since we were sick, she had no one else to help with her bags (although she was aware of our condition long before her flight), so she thought it would be fair if we either:

a) Paid for her taxi to our house, and then she would go home at her own expense (which would cost three times more than the original option where we would pay only for her ride home).
b) Came to her house ourselves and handed over the keys there (which is what we ended up doing, but I need to explain why I'm still displeased and why Jessica is now upset with both of us).

Initially, Jessica discussed the plan of action in a private chat with Stacey, meaning I wasn't part of the conversation at all (although Stacey kept me informed that Jessica had agreed to the first proposed option). This seemed logical to me because Stacey was the one with the keys.

Anyway, as soon as Jessica landed, she sent Stacey a bunch of complaints, accusing her of ""letting things slide."" In Jessica's opinion, Stacey should have found other people to help with the bags, even though Stacey has no other acquaintances in the city besides us. She also accused Stacey of being irresponsible, which outraged Stacey since she had proposed a plan in advance that Jessica had agreed to. In Stacey's opinion, Jessica had enough time to dispute that option so we could all come up with a new plan together.

Now, when her inconveniences suddenly surfaced, she didn't even give us a chance to think of a new alternative. We genuinely didn't understand what the inconvenience was for her to come to my apartment under Stacey's proposed option, especially since one of her own options assumed she would do exactly the same thing, just at our expense.

By the way, the cost of a taxi from the airport to my house was practically the same as to Jessica's house. The travel time wasn't much different either (3 minutes). But Jessica claimed she would have to go to the other end of the city. That's why Stacey initially proposed that option. The only thing Jessica would lose in that case was the time to get home (in a taxi paid for by us).

At that moment, I intervened in their discussion (I took Stacey's phone to talk to Jessica. Again, until then she had discussed everything only with Stacey). In short, I tried to understand what exactly was difficult for her about the initial plan. Spoiler: I never understood. And why she was so angry with us if she initially agreed to everything. Spoiler: I didn't understand that either.

In the end, Stacey agreed to Jessica's second option and went to her apartment. However, Jessica didn't see her message (or ignored it, I don't know) and started threatening to call my mother and beg her for money for a taxi. That made me very angry at the time, so I refused to go to her. I transferred Stacey the missing amount for the taxi and stayed home. We were both still feeling unwell, and her temperature spiked when she returned.

We had no further interaction with Jessica until the next day, especially since she hadn't listened to most of our voice messages by then.

The next day, she texted me to discuss everything. We called so it would be easier for each of us to express our thoughts. Stacey was sitting next to me, and I put the call on speakerphone because it seemed logical to me that we should discuss the situation all together. However, it turned out that Jessica didn't want to discuss anything with Stacey. When I asked her why, she replied that she believed it was all my responsibility.

In the end, we still couldn't discuss everything calmly. Jessica got angry that we didn't want to take her side and hung up, still not answering most of our questions. She reproached us that, despite feeling unwell, it was still our responsibility. At the same time, when we asked her why she initially agreed to Stacey's original option, she said she didn't think about it because she was also feeling unwell, but emotionally. By the way, she didn't tell us anything about that at the time; apparently, we were supposed to read her mind to understand something was wrong.

Jessica said she expected us to take care of her comfort, but she didn't voice her own expectations. Stacey offered her an option that seemed most comfortable for each party, while Jessica wanted everything to be comfortable only for her. After which she accused us of taking advantage of her, even though we ultimately conceded and everything ended the way she wanted.

So, am I the ahole? ","This is too long and annoying to read. Can’t believe I (almost) got through it. But from the basics that I can gather, you asked Jessica to house your friend that she didn’t know. She did that. I actually think Jessica also asking for you to pay for her to be able to go home is extremely reasonable. Meaning that this entire event was her doing you a favor, and she shouldn’t have to pay money just to get home after a trip. I personally would have offered to pay for her taxis all the way until she got home. Because it’s also not Jessica’s fault you got sick. Jessica didn’t sign up for all the complications described in your post. She did you a favor and expected to not have to pay money for it.
Edit: YTA"
"AITAH for not liking ""cute"" things?","I don't know if I'm looking into it too much or being too sensitive but you can't be cute without being childish. 

Nothing cute has not been childish, for example the biggest examples of ""cuteness"" are chubby cheeks, big eyes, innocence and etc etc. and those traits are in all children. The things we consider cute are again childish things. The beauty standards for women literally focus on how childish they can be (small, hairless, cute).

We already know that most of the ultra wealthy people and world leaders pedophiles and rapists, and it trickles down to normal people as well, no one is born a pedophile, they are conditioned into thinking it's normal. This part was the more systemic part. 

This one is more on the personal note:
Everyone has been on porn sites, in it the top things are always ""18y/o-"", ""cute-"", ""teen"" etc. And the constant use of pigtails, childlike poses, and childish clothing is disgusting. It constantly pushes pedophilia and considering most men and women have watched porn, it definitely affects us. This is what men watch then we act surprised when we find out men generate child sexual abuse material of little girls the first chance they get at generating things. 

This one is even more personal because I've been seeing a lot of child rape cases and they show the victims clothing of something of theirs and it always breaks my heart.

A combination of these things have led to me feeling disgusted whenever I see anything childish. That is like bright coloured things which have obvious cartoon characters or games or anything of that sort. 
AITAH?","It depends on how this manifests. Do you see say, an adult woman in pigtails or who has stuffed animals and automatically assume she’s infantizing herself to appeal to pedophiles? Do you see say, media marketed to young girls and automatically assume such? 

Because that could be a reflection of misogyny. Do you have the same reaction to stereotypical interests for little boys (Dinosaurs, monster trucks, the colour blue (rather than pink or purple). 

The little girls you mentioned should not be blamed even if unconsciously for their sexualization by pedophiles. 
 
But ultimately you aren’t the AH for how you feel, but I do think some of it is projection on your part."
AITAH for getting annoyed about my cleaning attempts?,"32F/30M. Here is what happens. He is currently and has been home for an extended period. Prior to this extended stay at home I would clean 2-3 hours a day since I WFH. It’s important to mention I also have ADHD so when I want to do something it’s important I do it in that moment if possible. Or it’s important if I make plans I do them as otherwise I feel I let myself down as I didn’t do task. This mainly is my cleaning. 

Since he’s been home between depression and adjusting, and working over 40 hours a week since May, cleaning has fell off. I’m now ready to get to it and so the past month I get off work, cook breakfast and try to clean. But whenever I start, I get rushed. Or I say I’m going to go clean XYZ after XYS and I’m told you can do it later. Which I know is not going to happen with the same vigor. 

  
Today I snapped and exploded saying, ” your not the one who has to make breakfast, fold the laundry (I’ve let it build up for 3 days), do the cat box and come back to work. All you do is workout, watch anime, barely any housework, and cook dinner some nights. If I want to spend some extra time cleaning that’s not your call, especially when you’re laying in bed until 11/1130 just on your phone“. 

  
So am AITAH for crashing out? ","https://www.spiescoaching.co.uk/blog/w9x1pdbrnu5aahioh7cdmfadn01ueh

https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/s/2iUHnDrtFf

NTA"
AITAH for telling my partner's friend's fiancé he had cheated on her?,"All of us are around 30. 

Let's call my partner's friend ""Sam"" and his now-ex fiancé ""Kim"" 

  
Sam and Kim have been together for about 5 years, they got engaged around a year ago and were planning their wedding. 

Kim has had a stable job the entire time, Sam has been in and out of work. 

Sam has been repeatedly lying to Kim their entire relationship, he gaslights her, he controls her, it's just a whole bunch of unhealthy. 

They were already struggling to make ends meet and Sam quit his job over something petty. He has been out of work for almost 6 months and has only had 1 interview. Kim keeps telling him to take her car and DoorDash- he makes excuses every time. 

My partner and I ran into a friend a couple weeks ago who told us that Sam said Kim gave him a deadline to get a job or she would be gone. That deadline is February. 

Tonight, my partner decided to reach out to Kim, she's not the most social so her friend circle is small- when she started dating Sam, we pulled her into our little ""friend family"" but Sam wasn't too keen on us talking to her privately (i.e. text) so he hadn't done it before. He texted her to ask how she's doing and to let her know we're always here if she needs anything. 

Kim vented about everything, she was very clearly done already- she's just been holding out until the end of their lease in 4 months. She told us that Sam's deadline of February is a deadline for him to continue living in the house they rent since he's not contributing to any bills. 

Kim asked my partner, since he's Sam's best friend, if there were any lies he could tell her from their relationship so she could have some closure. 

So my partner called her, they went over some major ones- Sam had lied about every job he'd been fired from or quit from over the course of their relationship (which was a lot). He was going to leave out the cheating- because Sam had told him he already told Kim.

But then Kim asked ""have there been other women? Because it feels like he's been hiding something like that for a while""

My partner stayed silent so I shared because her wording made it sound like Sam lied to my partner. 

Turns out he did lie. Kim had never been told, she didn't outright catch him but she'd had suspicions for years. 

It opened a whole can of worms- my partner shared that, not only did Sam cheat on her more than once with the same woman, he was sending NSFW snapchats back and forth with multiple exes and several ""friends"". 

The woman Sam cheated with is acquaintances with Kim, Kim decided to message the woman to ask her- since we were all somewhat doubtful. The other woman is fairly attractive, she always goes for very attractive men, she's also a known gold digger. Sam has no gold to dig and he's.... very not attractive.  She denied everything.

We got off the phone with Kim and a few minutes later, Sam called. He said the other woman called him asking why Kim was asking questions, that he called Kim, and then Kim broke up with him. 

He relayed from the other woman that Kim said ""Someone"" asked her about the cheating- for all we know, my partner is the only one Sam told, he may have also only been bragging with a lie (he often does). It kinda sounded like he was just trying to test my partner. 

On one hand, I don't feel bad about being honest. On the other, I feel like shit about telling her. Not because I feel any loyalty to Sam, I never really liked him (he constantly lies, he's also controlling to the point where he's told my partner to put me in my place. He's just... a chore of a person and gives nothing to any relationship in his life while expecting everything) But because did she really need to know?

She was already going to end the relationship. The cheating was never verified by anyone- just something Sam bragged about, unless you include the images he sent back and forth.  All it really did was let her know she'd been betrayed in such a horrible way by someone she gave her all to.



Kim is doing fairly well with all this- I've been texting with her all night. She feels bad about ending the relationship, she feels guilty for talking to us behind his back, and she's overall sad. But for someone who just ended a 5 year relationship, she seems to be doing really good. ","You’re NTA.. telling Kim the truth gave her the clarity she deserved, and Sam’s behavior wasn’t your responsibility to protect"
Should I participate in a threesome? Or is that stupid? AITAH?,"The relationship I have with... (we'll call him Kriss) is quite unusual.
We met three years ago at work; we worked the same shift and started talking. Then I changed jobs, but we stayed in touch. I remember the first time we got together was at his house (it's always at his house). Everything was great, and I have no words to describe the chemistry we had in bed.
From the beginning, Kriss told me he wasn't looking for a relationship or anything like that, that he wasn't interested in that. Okay, I appreciate his honesty; not everyone is like that.
Knowing this, I was the one who accepted the kind of relationship we have. Obviously, I fell in love with him... I've never told him, though, just joking about it.

 The kind of relationship where we have trust and everything... At first, he didn't talk about anything, didn't share anything, and I was always the one there... For the last 3 years, our relationship has only consisted of meetings at his house and for... you know what, because I swear we're both surprised by how good it is; we're both in our 30s.

Every time I was in a relationship, obviously I didn't contact him or anything.

And neither did he; before, he wouldn't even say hello.

But this time it's different. A couple of months ago, I was in a relationship. About 7 months, and when it ended, we started talking again, we got together, and it happened... We both talked about it openly and agreed that in our entire lives, there has never been anyone who made us feel this way, neither for him nor for me... It's something inexplicable, by far the best.  Now that we started talking again months ago, I found him different... He used words like ""my love,"" ""baby,"" and things like that, and I was like, ""OMG, the sky's falling!"" He'd never been like that with me before.
He's even the one who initiates the conversation... Something impossible at first. I don't give him much attention, but inside, I'm melting. Days can go by without us talking or answering, and then he'll sometimes appear, or I'll initiate.
I don't lie, and whatever we have is always the truth. He's told me about some girls he's been with (just one-night stands), and I also tell him about my relationship.
We have complete trust and talk about everything. Honestly, I feel like he's changed. He's different with me, maybe because he trusts me more. For example, he went to Colombia for a week's vacation, and every day he just wanted to talk to me.

But about a week ago, I think, before the holidays, he told me that someone had proposed a threesome... WOW! I was like, ""What did you say?""  She replied, ""No, I don't think so, I don't want any drama."" Okay, I dropped the subject (obviously I felt uncomfortable).

Until a couple of nights ago, we were talking and she asked if I'd like to have a threesome. I froze. Thank goodness we only talked online, otherwise my face would have been... ugh. I tried to get as much information as I could about who she was or what role she played in his life. I only noticed that they slept together once a while ago. I asked her what she liked and she just said, ""She's older and has her things in order.""

Okay, I felt something in my stomach... she's changed so much that she even showed me a picture. The thing is, she's missing a girl, and like me, she's the best she's ever had (her words). I wondered. I tried to get information and things, I asked what she would be like, all to prolong the conversation. I've never done it... But I won't lie, I was a little curious... We're both exploring all the limits of pleasure, but together, both of us... We're third parties.  I would really hate it if someone else was with him and I was just watching. He says the other girl can just watch, that we'd just be together and the other girl wouldn't be involved at all.

But I know we'll talk about it.

I don't know what to do... I don't want him to do it with anyone else, especially not like that. But even if I don't, I don't want him to find someone else. I'll talk to him tonight.
You tell me if you want to see how it all ends. Kisses.

Any advice?

Thanks","Ma’am, this is a Wendys."
AITAH for getting upset when my friend makes SH jokes?,"So, my friend struggled with self harm, but nothing That’s could cause serious medical issues. She has these small almost like scratch marks on her arm that she likes to show off when she makes new ones. I also struggle with self harm, but to the point I’ve needed stitches, and even months after a relapse, some aren’t healed. I’m not in any way saying mone are worse because self harm is self harm, but it gets upsetting when she calls us “twins” or makes fun of my scars with the excuse that she does it too. Aitah? ","‘Friend’, are you sure?  You need to distance yourself from people like this.  They will never allow you to heal.
Edit: NTA"
AITAH for feeling this way,"So, I just received some bad news: my father has bone cancer. My father hasn't really been part of my life, so I don't feel much right now. I think, oh, that sucks, but that's about it. Nothing else. I don't wish this on him or anyone else. Now, I'm worried that I might be an a\*\*hole for feeling this way. I don't want to hold grudges. Like, come on your father might not have much time left. Yet that was my emotional reaction, and that makes me feel like I'm the one in the wrong here. ","Your feelings are your feelings. It's not unusual or wrong to feel less upset about something awful that is happening to someone who's not really been part of your life. From your perspective, I'm sure you have as much sympathy for him as you might for any stranger. 

But you can't force feelings of concern and worry when you have no real relationship (other than biological) with him.

You can feel sympathy for him, and for those who are close to him without feeling upset about things yourself. 

NTA"
AITAH for requesting that roommate pays rent for 1 month?,"AITAH for asking my roommate to cover our split rent for 1month? We share an apartment with separate bathrooms. He had installed a bidet in his bathroom that burst on November 11th, 2025. It is January 12th as I'm writing this and we still haven't been able to move back in. 

The burst pipe flooded the apartment, and a good chunk of damage occurred. He was liable for the accident as he didn't tell the landlord he was installing a bidet. While we've been out of the apartment for 2 months (and counting) we've still had to pay our split rent. I've had to live with my girlfriend 45 minutes away from where I work, while he has lived with his parents 8 minutes away from his work. IMO, he should be paying rent for the entire time we've been out of a home as well as paying for personal property damage for my things. I'm not making him replace or pay for any of my personal property since the repairs are going to be coming out of his pocket.

AITAH for asking him to cover one month of rent for the both of us? ","If you were renting, you should have renters insurance. Basically all landlords require it. That should be covering your losses, not your roommate. "
AITAH for thinking I don't have to ask my friend to sit with me after my cat died?,"I (16F) find out my cat died. I recently went on a trip to see family for 10 days and when I came back I couldn't find my cat Lo'ak who was 2. Me and my family found a door that we never open open and went looking for him outside. We have outside cats and some other cats sometimes come around, so when I found him in our cat barn by the bed I didn't know it was him. After 2 days, because we had to wait for a chip reader to come in, we found out it was him. Lo'ak wasn't my first cat. I had a black cat named Damon who had hit before 2 on March 11th 2024. 

Now, I had been updating my friend on this as she (16F) had been the one to come and help me pick him out. This all happened from January 9th to January 11th. She had asked if I wanted to hang out that weekend and I said I'd think about it.

Now here's what happened. At lunch I thought she'd come to at least sit with me at lunch, even if I didn't want company. When I texted her she didn't answer so I called her, when she picked up she told me she was at her boyfriend's (17M) house taking a nap. I got pissed at this because my cat just died and she's hanging out with her fucking boyfriend over her friend of 5 years. I told her thos morning, January 13th, to not talk to me and that I was pissed at her. She asked why, she had to fucking ask why, and I told her it was because she chose her boyfriend over me. To which she responded that if I asked her she would have hung out with me but I didn't and that when we do hang out, I ignore her amd treat her like shit and that 99% of time I want to be left alone. I've been trying to reach out for comfort more since I usually just hide away and keep my problems to myself which leads to me breaking down and self destruction. I didn't think I had to ask for my best friend to at least come sit with me at lunch and I think I'm 100% in the right and not wrong for her fucking up, but I'm second thinking myself. I don't remember any time that she's mentioning that I treat her like shit or ignore her when we hang out since she's usually the one ignoring me.

So, AITAH for not asking my friend to sit with me after my cat died? Sorry for there's typos

Thank you to all who responded, I realize I may be in the wrong and just wanted to add somethings. I'm not trying to defend myself, but I thought I should add. She asked about this weekend and I said I'd think about it instead of just jumping at it because I want to hang because every time she's over she starts asking about weed and going to smoke until I give in or snap. We used to have a system when we first started being friends where we'd switch off who cuddles each other, and it turned from that to just me cuddling her to her bringing a big ass stuffy. I know she's not a mind reader and she has complained about that in the past, which is why I told her I was pissed now. She asked about this weekend, not lunch and I didn't think to and / or didn't think I'd have to. Which is another thing that stops me from asking for things I need because people always do the opposite if I don't tell them and if I do I feel like it's not something they actually want to do and that I'm somehow forcing them. I think it hurt more because she's been hanging out with her boyfriend a lot more instead of me. Hanging out together, she's texting her boyfriend or saying goodnight or talking about her boyfriend. Lunch she's at her boyfriend's house napping or doing other things. When she says she'll hang out with me at lunch it turns into 'shit sorry, I forgot and told (boyfriend's name) I'd hang out with him at lunch'. I don't like her boyfriend, and she knows I don't. It sounds manipulative when I say it, and I know it does, I don't mean it to. Just thought I'd add some details. Sorry if it's long.",People don't know what you need or want if you don't communicate.
AITAH for getting mad at my bf for not helping me with the babies,"my 17f bf 17m have been together for 3 year  we have 8 month old twin girls 
last week my bf told its not up to him to raise MY babies wen all i ask was for him to feed one of them as she wass crying n i was feeding the other one he got mad at me and said if i cant look after them why have them in the first place 
for some back story we do not live together and i live with my nan and a few weeks ago i told my family i was struggling i was 16 wen i had them they were born extremely prem at 24 weeks i was in labour for 4 days and there was a chance non of us would make it out they spent 5 month in the NICU and i almost lost them a few times bare in mind he was nowere to be seen i got them home 2 month ago n i spend most days alone with them both as my nan is at work i told my faimly i was struggling to look after them he never helps and i felt they giving them up as i didnt know if i could take anymore i got tested and i have depression and anxiety and i get upset easly my family said they can help me more and i asked him to see them more and to help out with them as its hard to look after them both on my own he told me if its to hard why have them in the first place and that its my own falt for having them wen i have always wanted twin girls and i got told if i had an abortion i may not be able to have any more babies and i  didn't wanna risk it i also may have never had my chance to have twin girls so i kept them n i love them both to bits 
today he said to me he wasnt looking after MY babies bcs ota not his job and that i get paid for them so i should look after them 
i told him he ether helps or he can f*ck off and never see me or them again he got mad at me and stormed out the house n now isnt replying to me 
so AITAH ",Go after child support and also talk to his family.  Unless they are just like him. Updateme
AITAH for telling the bf’s Boys about his “new” fetish after learning he lied to me about every detail!,"We will call him My Man (40/M) as he claimed to want to be & I (43/F) dated for 1.5 yrs and the entire time he claimed to never have…”finished” whether for solo play or with me…and stated due to his MS that it had been a problem well over a year prior to him & I even meeting. He would cry and say he felt like a failure! Well, I was trying to be supportive and I’m naturally curious (neurodivergent)- I asked if he’s ever considered prostate stimulation. 

At first, he was against it and even seemed angry at my idea. Asked if I had a weird fetish and I assured him I had never thought about it before now but it seemed to be a valid option/solution to his issue and simply wanted to throw the idea out there. 

Well, a few months later, he told me he wanted to try it. He sat there while I researched for hours on How To and answered ALL his worrisome questions- including “would it make me gay?” I spent months reassuring him it didn’t make him gay bc it’s an act btwn a heterosexual couple. Shortly after that, he confessed to ordering a toy online and trying it out solo. I was super bummed as I wanted to be apart of it with him. But I understood. When I saw the toy in person, smthng didn’t add up. Let’s just say…It’s not a starter style toy. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt.  

Within 2 weeks time, we had gone from slow and gradual “making love” (his words) play to a video he sent me of him ‘compulsively going to town’ on himself. Again, smthng didn’t add up. For 3 months all he would talk about was his NEW desire and regular sex (my style of passionate sensual love making) had completely come to a halt. 

So my mind did what my mind does and started putting the pieces together (+ a lot of research). But he kept assuring me that he had never done this before, constantly saying that I took his “V-card”, and how our regular sex was the best he’s ever had and this wasn’t about stopping that part. Even tho it simply wasn’t the same anymore. 

One night he asked me if I would Peg him. I’ll do anything to make someone I love happy so I agreed. However, on the way to the shop to buy the strap and supplies- I had a full on panic attack. Lost auditory senses, couldn’t walk or I knew I’d faint, my mind went spinning for about 15 min and was drenched in sweat once I was able to regulate back. He still begged me to go to the shop. We did. He was too embarrassed to enter so I went in alone (no biggie) but I nearly fainted upon exiting. We did our thing and was enjoyable in that it was special to me- smthng we truly bonded over. Or so I thought. 

Our last time pegging, he said some things and I went into non-emotional mode and dominated his submissive desires until he finally for the first time with me reached external climax. I waited for feedback. Silence. He did muster the words that he preferred that style over the more sensual connected style which offers the highly intense male g-spot orgasm. Well, thru my research and clocking inconsistencies in his words + behaviors- I began asking all my questions that didn’t make sense to me. He now calls me CIA 🙄 — turns out, not only did he ask another girl to peg him years prior. But he experienced a trans woman (pre-op) for many weeks, before we met. His entire story claiming I brought the idea to his attention, bc of my curiosity and openness he finally felt comfortable even attempting any of it. All a lie. He couldn’t stop lying. He Admitted (more like I trapped his lies) to finally say he’s been using the toys for 2 yrs & exclusively watches trans porn x4+ years. I could barely keep the constantly-changing timeline straight. Oh, and he’s been “finishing” for years. 

But he assured me that he loved me. I was heartbroken. He claimed to love me but manipulated the entire curated narrative to benefit himself. And I don’t handle misinformation well, to no fault of my brain. Needless to say, we broke up. I’m now trying to process how to ever intertwine love, sex, and trust again bc I can’t move forward until I do. 

Well, last week he reached out and asked if we could hang out. I sent him a message stating the factual inner chaos he created within me and I was just looking for acknowledgment of that and ideally some accountability and subconsciously anything to help make it right. His response was I was making it too hard and he thinks we just have too much personality differences. Again, breaking me to my core. 

Well, clearly this isn’t a sacred topic so why not let his inner-circle in on it too?! I told his 2 best friends and asked that they throat jab him if he ever refers to me as the “crazy ex”— buuuut am I the asshole??",YTA - get your bs post outta here
AITAH I don’t want to be friends anymore,"Hello everyone, I am 19(f) and my best friend is 20(f). Let’s call her Jamie, she’s dating a 42 year old, who’s my friends dad, David. She met him at my house and they had tension which I thought was awkwardness but it might have been chemistry. I confronted her when I found his wedding ring in her car. HE IS MARRIED WITH TWO KIDS. 

I told her to cut it off but she said it wasn’t my business. We keep getting in fights about it and she tells me I should support her and even tease her like a good friend. We’ve been friends since childhood but now I feel like I don’t recognize her and I felt more guilt when I hung out with David’s wife since she was hosting dinner for David’s birthday and needed help cooking. I told Jamie after I don’t want to be friends anymore. She yelled at me and said she didn’t need me and I’m a fake friend.

At party David left to the bathroom and Jamie followed him. His son caught them kissing and immediately announced it to all the guests cause he didn’t understand what was happening since he’s still a toddler. His wife is heartbroken and embarrassed and Jamie doesn’t even feel remorse. 

Jamie found out I babysat his kids after his wife was filing for divorce and moved to her mom’s house. I felt so guilty that I babysat for free for her kids while she worked. Jamie is telling the whole school a twisted part of the story that makes me in the wrong. So now I’m wondering am I actually in the wrong. 

Am I the asshole for not wanting to be friends or for not telling David’s wife about it? I feel really bad. ","No, you’re not the AH. What your friend is doing is morally and legally wrong, and it’s understandable that you can’t support it. Ending a friendship when someone repeatedly crosses serious boundaries isn’t cruel, it’s protecting yourself. You don’t owe her your loyalty over the harm she’s causing others."
AITAH for wanting to drop out of college despite my mother working hard to keep me in?,"I’m a 17M and am currently doing a UK advanced computing course and I love computing, it’s all I ever want to do in my life however actually getting the qualifications for it is hell. 

I need to wake up early every morning following the same extremely boring routine to go catch a bus that has incredibly inconsistent timing, sometimes being 20 minutes late and sometimes being dead on time. I can’t predict it and it makes my planning of when to leave the house to catch it very difficult. The bus is also pricey but is strictly necessary as I’d have no other way of getting to campus as it’s the next town over, with it costing about £80 monthly and the bursary to help fund that cost doesn’t even work and the system is incredibly awful, meaning the cost for a bus to a college I don’t really hugely like going to comes right out of my families pockets and I can’t fix the bursary because the support team to help with these issues barely respond with anything tangible. 

I am also hateful of crowds and people, and dealing with people daily even indirectly really really mentally taxes me. As I am an introspective person and try my best to be clear with myself, a lot of my brainpower already goes to pondering of my future and wellbeing, whatnot. 

The problem is if I didn’t have college I wouldn’t know what to do in my life and don’t just wanna blindly get a job, I just want something good for myself and definitely have the motivation to make whatever work, if I WANT it to work. Which with college, I don’t. 

The classes are also baron. We just sit down and get told to do the work we need to do and hardly get taught, and when we get taught it’s just stuff my brain marks as irrelevant and I get shut out and fall further and further behind every lesson, catching up feeling futile to me also. 

The college has been threatening to kick me out because I don’t make much of an effort to get there and I blame it on the buses, which half of that is accurate, but because of my own personal issues, half of it is simply me not wanting to go. 

I’m basically asking am I being an entitled and ungrateful asshole? I really don’t want to be but I’m really not enjoying my life currently and want something I actually find tangible to sink my time into and stop living in this annoying cycle that I enjoyed for the first year but now the novelty is gone and I have about a year and a half more of this, and I want to pursue something better, whatever that may be. 

I’m writing this on the bus right now too, so sorry if my points are a little scattered, but I can answer any questions to further clarify my situation. ",">I need to wake up early every morning following the same extremely boring routine to go catch a bus that has incredibly inconsistent timing, sometimes being 20 minutes late and sometimes being dead on time.

Oh boy, are you in for a shock when you go out into the working world."
AITAH for not moving my wedding date so my friend could attend?,"I (40F) have been friends with her for about 20 years. She used to be my best friend, but she emigrated \~15 years ago (7–8 hour time difference), which naturally changed things.

Back then, we talked a lot at night. I was a single mom working part time but had very stressful life, had sleep issues, and was always “on.” Over the last few years, my life has stabilized: full-time job, healthy relationship, no more sleep meds, and stronger boundaries. As a result, our contact became less frequent.

About a year ago, I told her my partner and I are getting married. The date wasn’t officially fixed, but we had chosen one that felt right for us. She was happy for me, but said it might be hard for her to attend and asked if we could consider another date that would work better for her. She said she didn’t expect us to change it, but that it would be “nice” if we could.

After thinking it through, we kept our original date. Moving it earlier wouldn’t help her anyway, and postponing it was something we didn’t want.

Now I feel guilty and conflicted. I’ve always been a people-pleaser, and this was one of the first times I chose what was right for me and my partner. Instead of being excited, I keep wondering if I was selfish.

AITA for not changing my wedding date?","NAH. You have some social anxiety and people-pleasing to unpack, I agree. "
AITAH for not moving my carry-on from the overhead bin?,"I was on a flight yesterday in first class on a CRJ-900. For anyone not familiar with this aircraft, the layout is 1 seat on one side (A), aisle, then 2 seats (C/D). The important detail is that in first class there are **overhead bins only on the C/D side**. There are **no overhead bins above the A seats**.

I was seated on the **A side**, so when I boarded I placed my standard carry-on in the overhead bin across the aisle above the C/D seats in my row. That’s the only overhead storage option for the A side.

When the couple sitting in the C/D seats boarded, they immediately told another passenger to move a small bag that was in the bin (it looked like a personal item that could fit under the seat). I didn’t say anything, but that seemed reasonable.

Then the woman pointed at my bag and asked whose it was. I said it was mine. She insisted I had to move it **because those were their assigned seats**, and acted like that automatically meant the overhead bin above them was reserved for them. 

I didn’t argue or engage. I stayed seated and left my bag where it was. She continued loudly complaining about how “these are OUR assigned seats” and that I was taking “their” overhead bin space.

No flight attendant told me to move my bag, and the crew didn’t intervene at any point. For context, they seemed generally disengaged throughout the flight (for example, another passenger still had a tray table out with a laptop open using it during landing).

So, **AITA for not moving my carry-on from the overhead bin above someone else’s seats when my side of the plane has no bins at all?**","""Reddit, Am I the Asshole for acting like a normal human on a flight?""  Come on man, is this just karma bait? You're an adult, right?"
AITAH for uninviting my friend from a girls trip?,"So basicall, me and 4 of my friends have been talking about going on a girlstrip for over a year now for when we graduate this year.

Weve just started planning everything and one of my friends is trying to convince us to reduce the budget because she wont have enough money for the current budget (around £900pp for 5 nights in croatia, this is including food, activities, flights, hotel, genreral spending etc).

i said okay fine and reduced some things by a little so the budget would be like 750-800 pp and shes still said thats too high. Now the thing is, thats pretty much the lowest you can go if you still wanna have a good time. 

She said the most she can get is like £500. Which is definitely not enough. She said it would be possible if we only eat at cheap places and if we take a layover flight (which would take the journey from like 2.5 hours to at LEAST 6) and if we dont go out to clubs/bars.

But thats not even a holiday at that point. Id rather stay at home than spend 500 just to sit around all day and eat mcdonalds.

I told her its not possible and she told me to think about it.

So me and my other friends thought about it and basically just told her that sorry were uninvuting her because we want to go all out for this holiday and we dont wanna go to a country just to say weve been there, we wanna actually experience unique things there that we wouldnt be able to do at home.

She got so mad at us and genuinely hasnt responded to our messages for 2 weeks. We see her at school but she ignores us

Edit: by graduation i mean from 6th form not uni my bad guys 😭","NTA 
U want a full package holiday so that's ur right, she could just say ""sorry that's overpriced for me"" "
AITAH for choosing to call it quits with my bf because of what he says is a misunderstanding?,"I (31f) have been with my bf (32m) for 9 months. We’ve known each other for 18 years since we were kids basically. We’ve tried dating twice in the past once when i was in high school and once when we in our early twenties.

The reasons things didn’t work out those two times are because the first time he cheated and had a whole other gf. The second time was because I was going through a difficult time in my life and I didn’t have the capacity to care for someone else, let alone myself. 

Up until our recent relationship, in between those times up, we’ve always just been friends who occasionally went out to a movie or dinner and maybe messed around if we both were single. This most recent relationship we’ve been in has been the best relationship we’ve had and the longest that lasted. 
We had been getting along great with only minor hiccups or times we had to talk things out. 9/10 if ever we had a problem in our relationship, we’d be able to talk things through. 

So last month what transpired was that I found out his ex gf spent the night at his moms house (he lives back with his mom after we lived together for 5 months) and I found out about it after looking through his phone. He told the reason was to take her to the airport in the morning and that he slept on the couch and she slept on the bed. He said his mom ultimately made the decision for her to come over and it was out of his hands. 

I explained to him that I was hurt because he didn’t tell me any of this transpired and I had to find out by seeing it in his phone nearly a month after it happened. He admitted his fault in not telling me but swore to me nothing happened between them. 

I also saw he texted his other ex that he was in a relationship with, even though he told me at the beginning of the relationship that he told her about me. His reason behind that he said was that because the first time he told her, she wasn’t listening, so he told hers again… months later. 

I knew about these exes and never had a problem with his relationship with them because I trusted him when he told me he barely talks to them or rarely sees them. What I saw in his phone shows me that I could be wrong to trust him. But i still gave him another chance.

I actually decided to call things quit two days ago after I caught him in a lie. He claims it be a miscommunication. The way things happened, I’m not really sure what to about that

What happened was while we were on the phone, I was explaining to him that I was still hurt by what he did and why now looking back in retrospect, some of his actions are questionable. I brought up an incident that happened about 4 months ago when I was doing his hair and he was on his phone. While I was doing his hair, I wasn’t really paying attention to his phone but for a sec when I looked up I saw on his phone his open picture gallery full of naked.

I didn’t get a good look to tell if I could recognize any of the girls and he assured me it was girls off of adult entertainment sites. I trusted him. So fast forward to the other night, I brought up that incident because I felt like in light of everything that’s happened, that was very suspicious. Then he told me those were pictures he was looking at thru the internet on his web browser, not his phone gallery.

But I vividly remember seeing his picture gallery layout. He was going to swear by it until I vehemently denied that being possible because I vividly remember seeing the phone gallery display and I have the same brand phone so I’m very familiar with the what the picture gallery looks like.

He then swears he meant to say phone gallery, and that for a moment he didn’t remember. Thats when I hung up the phone. He’s been texting me these last couple days begging to get back together. The last thing he told me was that I hurt him. And right now I’m starting to not really know what to feel. So am I the asshole? ","NTA when people show you who they are, you really should believe them. How many chances are you gonna give somebody that clearly has so many red flags?

Breaking up is a good idea. I don’t think you two are on the same wavelength about what a real relationship looks like.  Good luck."
WIBTAH if I ask my mother-in-law to pay my fiance’s half of the bills?,"My fiance and I have been together for 14 years and started dating when I was 18. He was employed and we split bills fairly based on income for our entire relationship after moving in together up until he lost his job 2.5 years ago. Since losing his job, he decided unilaterally that he was going to ride out his unemployment, which lasted 10 months. I made it clear that I couldn't afford our bills on my own. 

His mom is very well off, made her first million at age 30 and does very well for herself. She regularly travels, has sent us on a few trips when we're able to take time from work, and is always his backup when money concerns come into play. I don't like to rely on her help more than absolutely necessary, because I believe we should be able to take care of ourselves, both being in our 30’s. Since his unemployment, she's been paying one bill which is $522. This has been very much appreciated by me, I am super grateful for the help. 

However, that still leaves me the entire mortgage, utilities, internet, groceries, etc. to pay 100% on my own. 2.5 years later, it’s getting unmanageable. I have things I need to pay for that I can’t because I have to dedicate so much of my checks to household expenses. When I mention money stress to him, he will say that he’s looking for a position and should have something soon and that his mom is always happy to help if we need it. 

WIBTAH if I told him he needs to ask his mom to pay 50% of the bills until he finds a stable position? In a way, I am hoping this might further motivate him to put effort into his job search. On the other hand, I really do need the support in order to afford my car insurance, fix my car (something is going on with it, he says he’ll work on it but it’s been weeks and he hasn’t done a thing yet), start paying my parents back for the loan they gave me to purchase the car, etc. 

Edit: To answer some questions coming up frequently… 
What has he been doing the past 2.5 years? He taught himself how to build, fly, diagnose and repair drones. This is an employable skill, just waiting for the actual employment to come from it… 
Who is technically on the mortgage? Him and his mom are technically the ones who own our condo, though it’s been paid from my account from the beginning. She said she would transfer it to me after marriage, but I’ve been putting marriage off, for obvious reasons on top of additional concerns with marriage in general. ",Why are you staying with a hobosexual
AITAH for getting mad at a wedding date?,"Am I the asshole? My fiancé and I finally decided on a date to get married, (March 14th 2026). We picked a venue, planned everything, and invited all of our friends and family to the event. I picked 3 of my friends to be my bridesmaids and my mom as my maid of honor. Everyone was so excited for our wedding and ordered their dresses and told me if I needed any help with the wedding they would be there in a heartbeat. 
We’ve been planning our wedding for roughly 3 months, when one of my bridesmaids who was offering so much help and said that she couldn’t wait for my special day, invited me to an event on Facebook last night. Her and her fiancé have been engaged for almost a year and a half and also had a baby during that time. Nothing was said to me about them planning their wedding any time soon or even picking a date. I went and checked the event invite and to my surprise she set her wedding a week before mine, (March 7th 2026) even though she knew everything about my wedding because she’s in it as a bridesmaid. 
This just doesn’t sit right with me because the whole time I was planning my wedding she was acting so supportive and excited and it was complete radio silence on anything about her getting married. I feel like she is trying to “beat me to the punch” and take attention away from me for my wedding. I asked her about why she planned her wedding so close to mine and she said she wanted to get married as soon as possible to try and get health insurance from her fiancé and it was “the only date available” that soon. I truly thought we were friends and I just don’t feel as though a true friend would help with your wedding and then jump on making her wedding happen a week before mine. Idk maybe I’m just being too sensitive about it.. am I the asshole?

Edit to add: She has made comments to other friends about how they got engaged before us and should get married before us. She also knows (we are young and broke) we live 5 hours from where we are having the bachelorette party/wedding (fiancé is in pharmacy school far from family but we are moving back to that area after he finishes school) and are unable to travel back 3 weeks in a row so now our bachelorette party has to be canceled (it was 2 weeks prior to the wedding), we also can’t get off work 3 weeks in a row. She booked her date and venue AFTER we had already booked, sent out invites, and started the planning. To me it just feels a little vindictive. She was  mean girl in high school and did things like this all the time so I can’t help but feel that it is intentional. She is my fiancés best friends fiancé so we are more friends by circumstance but I don’t have a lot of girlfriends so to balance out his groomsmen I asked her.","If people didn't make such a big deal about weddings, we'd have fewer AHs."
AITAH for breaking up with my bf of 8 months?,"For context, I am a 24F and he is 22M. We had been arguing a lot over a couple of weeks about how he wasn't spending much time with me already then I got sick and it became basically me alone and I had been bringing it up and nothing was changing. Then I got mad that nothing had been changing and let him know that and the conversation got toxic on both ends of it and we felt like we reached an understanding on that topic.

The next day he decided to bring up that he was uncomfortable with me having a snap conversation with one of my male friends instead of snap text conversations. I had expressed to him that he is not the only person that I have snap conversations with and that he doesn't and has never seemed to care about me having snap conversations with any of my friends until this one. For context we have both throughout the 8 months been very open to friends of the opposite sex as long as they and we were respectful of the relationship do this really came out of nowhere.

I made it clear that I wasn't going to change how I was communicating with my friends just because he didn't like it all of the sudden because this felt like it was a trust issue with me and his way of hurting me or something for the fight the previous night. I had only just readded this friend 4 days prior and he would generally start messaging me through snaps and I would just respond out of habit in a snap. It wasn't anything sexual or romantic we literally just would talk about playing video games together. To me it felt as though my boyfriend saw I was getting friendly attention from someone else and got insecure about it and instead of asking for reassurance tried to control me to make himself feel better.

I have always been up front with him that once I have no trust for you there is no relationship and he had lied to me about a few things that weren't super significant but still made me question his honesty and wether or not I should trust him.

Fast forward to the next day he said not to bother bringing the conversation back up and that he was going to take initiative and I asked him what he meant about 3X before he responded with ""idk but I'll figure it out"" I was like that's weird but okay. Then his camera had turned off and I asked what he was doing and he said nothing so I just left it alone. I then get a message from my friend saying that my bf added him. I didn't have a problem with him adding him, however I did have a problem with him lying to me when I questioned what he said about initiative and that he tried to hide it from me. I told him that he should have been the one to tell me and he said ""I couldn't at first but you didn't even ask me after he told you, I would have told you then"". I responded ""you should have told me when I asked not after someone else told me"". And I took a couple hours to think.

I then decided that I couldn't trust him and our relationship was going to get toxic to a new level if it continued so I cut it off. AITAH for not just asking my friend to text me instead?",nta
AITAH for refusing to pay for an out-of-network therapist after I tripled our insurance premium for free mental health/therapy coverage?,"My wife has depression and mental health challenges, so she regularly receives therapy to help with that. Our previous insurance, had a benefit where providers that were in-network would only charge a $50 copay per session. However, my wife refused to take advantage of that and would insist on doing therapy sessions that cost $180+ a session. These were very expensive, and it was frustrating to me knowing that we could get coverage for $50 a session.

Finally, at the end of last year, she did research to find an in-network provider and found someone, as I had been asking her to do for years. After she's had that coverage for 3 years now, she finally decided to do so, and she scheduled her first appointment for January of 2026, the next year.

As many are aware, at the end of last year, the government decided to end healthcare marketplace subsidies, which made the healthcare costs of most Americans on the marketplace more than double. Many people have lost their healthcare or are unable to afford it any longer. Gratefully, we are not in that situation and can still afford healthcare despite increased costs.

Unfortunately, in our case, it has tripled our monthly premium. We were paying a little over $250 a month, and now we are paying nearly $800. I spent months researching different options and alternatives, reading through multiple marketplace and outside marketplace options, and the coverage and benefits they offered. Over two months, I studied nearly a dozen plans extensively and even uploaded the summary of benefits documents to multiple AI models to break down what was covered and what wasn't and what would happen in any number of emergencies or situations. This entire time, I was praying the government would take positive legislative action when it comes to healthcare for millions of Americans, which they have not.

Ultimately, we decided that off-marketplace options would not ensure adequate coverage in cases of emergency and decided to bite the bullet and triple my healthcare costs. One of the few benefits of this new plan, despite tripled costs, was that it would cover the cost of mental health services for in-network providers, which means that my wife could get as much therapy as she wants for free. After consulting with my wife, I decided to get a plan that costs extra per month for this specific benefit.

Unfortunately, the therapist my wife booked an appointment with would no longer be covered by our new insurance. Although she booked it at the beginning of this year outside of last year's coverage, we discussed that she could go ahead and at least see this therapist once and cover the cost upfront, but then afterwards she would have to try to see if it could be covered by our insurance or have to find another alternative that would be covered. 

Well, it turns out this morning that she completely ignored what I had asked of her and had decided to not only book just one but book multiple appointments with this therapist after that first session. This was even though I told her that the cost is not justified, especially when we can get free coverage from dozens, if not hundreds, of therapists under our current plan. Not only that, she did not tell me about this until a few minutes before she left for her appointment. I feel this was a severe breach of trust, having done something behind my back, against my wishes, and informing me when it was too late to do anything about it.

We are already paying nearly $800 a month for insurance, and now she is insisting on spending another $120 per session, which comes to close to $480 a month extra. In my opinion, this is not a feasible or sensible option, especially when we already have coverage, and the cost is completely covered. Since I refuse to pay more for what we are already paying for, she went and asked my father for the money and received it from him instead, bypassing me to get her way.

I find all of this deeply frustrating and disrespectful. I understand that she is struggling emotionally and mentally. I want her to get help and am doing the best that I can to ensure she has help available. I am going out of my way to provide for my family in a severely broken healthcare system. Instead of appreciating and taking advantage of this, she is just doing her own thing against my wishes with money we do not even have. I feel asking for the money from my father is taking advantage of his kindness and an excuse to get what she wants at the expense of what we can afford in our situation, which is already a lot more than many people in the first place. It is deeply irresponsible and upsetting to me. She is unapologetic, defiant, and insists that this is all completely fine and that I am the problem here.

Am I the problem here?",NTA. Your wife is the problem. It would be different if she had been seeing them for years but after only two sessions?
AITAH for being upset with my brother and his wife for constantly letting me down?,"I'm 18f, brother ""Ridge"" is 21m, his wife ""Jackie"" is 26f. I'm sorry if this is a little long; most of the length comes from the context. Throwaway account because I'm not on here much. 

Every time I try to rewrite this, it seems that I've started in the middle of a sentence, and it's confusing, so bear with me and the girth here. I'm very sensitive to sound, and I live in a shitty townhouse with my mom (44f). The walls have little to no insulation, so I can hear everything the neighbors say and do. Sneezing, farting, groaning, watching TV, ect, and it was worse in my bedroom, so I've been sleeping on the couch in the living room. It's quieter, but the couch hurts my back. I have been there for about a year now. When Ridge lived with us (he moved out at 20 in 2024), he contributed a hell of a lot to the noise issue. He was obsessed with his Xbox. From the moment he woke up to 6 am the next day, he was playing. When he laughed, his high-pitched cackle ricocheted off the walls, down the stairs, and straight into my eardrums 20x louder than it actually was, or at least that's what it felt like. Both Mom and I talked with him about it politely, and he always said the same thing, ""Sorry, sorry, I'll be quiet."" he was never quiet. He made living here such a nightmare, way more than the neighbors ever have. 

When Ridge moved out, I took over his bedroom. Worst mistake of my life. His bedroom buddy (wall neighbor, same wall - no insulation) is a gamer too, and he doesn't shut the fuck up either. On top of that, the room is riddled with the scent of a sweaty gamer, and no amount of candles could save it. That's when I went to the living room. 

December 23, 2025, Ridge and Jackie got married. I was the photographer, and they said that they would pay me (I'm not a professional by any means, but I'm definitely not a rookie). They didn't end up paying me because they didn't have the funds. Neither of them told me that until two or three days before the wedding. They were married at the church, and everything was second-hand from family members or bought from a thrift store. 

It's time to get into the story now, but if you're confused, I'll provide as much context as you need later on.

Last year, early November, Ridge and Jackie found out I was sleeping on the couch. They know how sensitive I am; Jackie is the same way. That's when they offered I move in with them. Originally, it was going to be in a two-bedroom apartment forty-ish minutes from home, and I was absolutely okay with that. They took me to visit the apartment, and I instantly fell in love. No sneezing, no creaking, no groaning, and we would be neighbors with Jackie's mom. I fucking love her. I was excited. I might go as far as to say ecstatic. Jackie said I could take my cat and bearded dragon (both take up barely any room, and they're as quiet as a lethal fart). I was going to be a janitor with her at the church, and I was going to clean the apartment and help with groceries. I was finally going to get some sleep. 

After the wedding, they decided that they weren't moving to the apartment. You think they would have talked to me about that, considering I'm over here sitting on a brick ass couch, counting down the days for peace. Jackie decided that they're renovating and moving into her mom's old trailer somewhere completely different. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, plenty of room. They are childless. They dropped that bomb on me as they were bringing me home from a Christmas party, but they still told me I'm moving in. 

I have my things boxed up and ready to go. I even donated a lot of what wouldn’t fit. I did so much, only for Jackie to come at me last week and say, “Yeah, it’ll mainly be a guest bedroom. You can stay one or two nights a week or something.” My heart is shattered at this point. I was excited to get away from my mom (no shade to her, I’m just tired of living here), and I was looking forward to a new chapter in my life.

After that, Jackie told me I could have her old bed because they had just bought a brand-new one. Fantastic. A week goes by—nothing. I call, I text, I check in. I wasn’t being annoying about it; I’d die if I were. Still nothing. Then, on Tuesday, Ridge texted me. ""Hey! We have to get this bed out of here today. Can I bring it over?"" 

I respond with, ""Yeah."" 

He told me they'd be here in the afternoon, but they never showed up. At midnight, he texted me again, saying, ""Sorry, I got wrapped up in fixing up the trailer. I'll bring it over tomorrow around 7 pm."" Again, they never showed up. I'm beyond frustrated with them. It took everything in me not to crash out, lash out, whatever the fuck until my mom asked me what happened. 

I yelled, I said some things, and I was angry. As I'm typing this, the neighbors' dogs are going apeshit. I just want quiet.

Now, after Ridge and Jackie made it clear that I'm not moving in with them, Mom gave me her room. She's a trooper; she's staying in the living room. 

TL;DR: I'm noise sensitive and stuck sleeping on a brick of a couch in a paper-thin townhouse listening to every sneeze, fart, fuck, and freak. My brother and his wife led me on with a ""quiet new life"". Told me I could move in, bring my pets, I packed my whole life away and donated a bunch of stuff, then they pulled the rug right from under my feet and said my bedroom is just a guest room now. They no-showed me twice when they made plans on bringing me a bed. Now, my mom gave me her room, and she's sleeping in the living room. 

I feel like an asshole feeling this way about my brother, but maybe it's just the situation. I'd still like to know if my feelings are justified or if I'm being dramatic. Thank you. ","Your feelings are completely valid, your brother and his wife repeatedly led you on and made promises they didn’t keep, and you went through all the effort to prepare for this move. Being frustrated, hurt, and angry in this situation is 100% normal. You deserve your peace and a living space that respects your needs."
AITAH for asking my wife to stop wearing tight outfits for work due to her itches not getting cured instead getting prolonged?,"Using a throwaway account since this is such an awkward topic to address. I didn't know whether I should post this or not but here we go.

My wife likes to wear tight outfits for work from casual, semi-casual to professional. It makes her look good and powerful to carry out day-to-day responsibilities. 

But ever since the winter, she began to have a bacterial infection around her pelvic region, armpits and her near arse. At first, we thought it could be cured with medications. And she followed that too. 

But it kept re-appearing instead of going away. Our sex life is affected but that's secondary, I was concerned about her health..

After going to and fro about this, I realised it's her outfits that is not helping her cause. She's a sweaty person in general and this as well is adding up to her difficulties.

So, not wanting to appear as controlling, gently suggested to look for different outfits atleast until her infection is fully cured. But she didn't listen. Instead she kept using the medication to stall the infection while continuing to wear those damn outfits again.

I am at a loss. I didn't want to bring this up in front of the doctor since it's definitely her choice, what to wear and all. But she is leaving me no other option. I am worried. 

AITAH for asking her to stop wearing those outfits in the time being? How else should I convince her before involving the doctor?","Don't ask her to stop, ask the doctor if there are any fabrics that may be contributing to the problem and let the doctor advise if loose cotton and linen would be better than tight acrylic or polyester. 
Your wife can then decide if she wants to follow the doctors advice or not"
AITAH for not wanting to form a deep bond with dad’s gf and daughter,"I (23F) live abroad and I come home for christmas and summer. My dad (60M) got a new gf (40F) about 2 yrs ago and he gave her papers during this time. Not gonna lie, she is sweet but was a little overbearing at first and I’m not used to that bc my dad has been divorced from my stepmom for almost 10 yrs now so it was just us. Her daughter (14F) is here visiting (bc they’re from my dad’s native country) and my dad is trying so hard to force a connection. I’ve barely spoken to her bc she’s always in this room that’s kind of like a mini apartment, so I barely see her, and I’ve been going on about my own life spending time with my other family members and friends here at home but he wants me to talk to her, take her out etc and I feel mean for saying this, but I’m just not interested. It’s a huge difference when you’re an adult because my stepbrother and I first met when we were both kids so it was easier to form a bond and we grew up with each other, still do. I’m engaged so I have built my own little family with my fiancé and our cats and Idk this whole thing just doesn’t make sense for me to engage in actively especially because I don’t live at home anymore. My dad’s track record is not the best so I don’t like being caught in the crossfire and I’ve just stopped caring about his love life. I know for a fact I’m probably perceived as rude by them but that’s just what happens when all the partners come and go, just stopped caring about building a relationship with any of them.

Edit: I listened to the ones who said it wouldn’t hurt and made plans with her to go to the mall. She does seem like a sweet girl and she is young so why not just try at least.","NTA, i don’t think you’re wrong for prioritizing your fiancé and the family you’re building. that’s where your long-term emotional investment is now. i feel a little bad for the 14 y/o but she isn't your responsibility and imo its even harder to form a connection at this phase since the two of you didn't really grow up together"
AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend after he let his friend sleep in our basement?,"My ex boyfriend (32m) decided to let his friend stay in our basement for a few days.. whatever I was given no choice. He stayed for a couple days mostly sleeping on a made up blanket bed on the floor. 
He finally leaves and my ex refused to clean up after him.

So I’m downstairs cleaning up after this man when I find a whole 💩 in a box in one of our old clothes bins.

I’m fuming because wtf 😳 I tell him to go clean it up and he flat out refuses! I’m pissed! 

Obvs both these men are not okay in the head because what is my life right now! 

So am I the AH?",Nope. If he won’t be responsible and prefers to make you clean up after him there’s really not much you can do but leave rather than be treated badly.
AITAH I don’t reply to my relatives?,"So, relatives from mom’s side are great and I’m in a good relationship with them, but my dad’s side is just ew. 

Mol told me how father’s mom was doing spells against us, talked shit about me….and tbh, I’m not surprised because each time when I would visit dad’s grandma, she would act first ten mins nice, but then turn into some arrogant,cold, annoyed bi\*\*\*. I never liked spending time at her place, I’m sorry, but she was hiding sausages from me and feed me with raw patties. 

And dad’s mom treated my dad very shitty until she found out that my dad makes good money. Now she is using my dad, manipulates him, tries to make my parents breakup (tbh she always tried to), so yeah…

I disrespect her and don’t ever want to talk to her again, my dad always asks me to call her or message her and he is tbh very sad that me and my brother are in a good relationship with mom’s side, but in a cold zero relationship with his relatives. 

My dad also has a brother. His brother used to be great as a teenager, he really loved me and was taking nice care of me, but then he grew up, started to do drugs, got a 16-17 yo girl pregnant(he was around 30 on that moment), started to absuse this girl when they got married what kinda traumatised their kid (he never abused the kid,wife only). 

Tbh my uncle is predatory vibes giving person and I don’t like it and don’t want to talk to him ever again,even tho he was very nice with me. Although, once he screamed at me for sucking my lips into my mouth ( I do that sometimes just for fun or when I’m nervous ), and he was screaming about how I got big lips and hide them while other women inject a lot of “shi\*” into them to make their lips look big.

And once when me and grandma were driving in the car with my uncle, he was signalling and screaming at girls around saying weird pick up lines….

So, I never reply to his messages where he asks me how am I doing or congratulates with celebrations like my birthday etc…. I don’t want to talk to him ever again….

I do reply my grandma only when there is a celebration and congratulate her back and that’s pretty much it.

Everyone around tells me that I gotta talk to my dad’s part of the family,but I honestly don’t want to.","My father's family was horrible.  They treated him like crap, and my mother and I were treated even worse. They repeatedly tried to break my parents up, and always blamed my mom for the death of my father's grandmother.  His grandmother told him that if he married my mom, it would kill her, and true to her word, she dropped dead the day after the wedding.  My parents never got a honeymoon because of it.  That was the beginning of years of abuse for my mom, and ultimately for me. 

After my father passed away, I cut that entire side of my family from my life.  I didn't even fight them when they stole a large piece of my inheritance, because my sanity was worth more than a court battle that I very well might lose due to the very specific way my grandfather wrote his will to ensure things wouldn't pass to me when my dad died.

Protect yourself and cut toxic family from your life.  Ignore the perks who say, ""but they're your family"" or ""when you're older, you'll regret it."" That is the sort of talk that enables abusers to get away with continued abuse."
AITAH for trying to stop my mom from getting robbed blind,"G'day folks,

So my 70yr old mom and 90yr old gran live together on the same property as the guesthouse my mom runs, My mom employs four people to help her with the guesthouse, and my gran has a carer.

Things have been going missing for a while, but over the last few months my mom and gran keep mentioning that lots of things are missing. My mom is one of those lovely people who trusts everyone. As this has been going on for so long, I decided to have a look around. I found jewellery, clothes, electronics, tools, crockery and antiques hidden in really odd places, including in the gardening shed.

One of her team members was stealing from her 2 years ago, I insisted she should fire him, she refused.

Now that I've found all of these other things within 2 hours, I'm scared everyone is in on it. That things are hidden on the property to check whether she'll notice they are missing immediately. It's also easier to remove items slowly, so as not to draw attention. 

I put everything in my mom's spare room, and I'm staying over this evening. I know my mom doesn't want to deal with this, but in my mind this is inexcusable.

I plan on confronting them tomorrow morning when they arrive to work, as my mom is 70, my gran is 90, and this is b\*lls\*it.

My mom doesn't want me to be involved, but I need to protect them. They don't realize they are targets.

So, I'm going to confront them tomorrow morning. AITAH for doing so? I don't want to undermine my mom, and she's going to be livid, but I don't know what else to do. 

I really liked her team, but surely this isn't something to just turn a blind eye to?",NTA. People who takes advantage of vulnerable people sickens me so much
AITAH for wanting to stop being friends with my 2 oldest friends after they brought an unwelcome guest to the house.,"I 21F have been friends with 2 girls the first for about 8yrs and the second for about 6yrs, the first we will call Annie, 20, the second we will call Ashley, 21. For a little bit of context I met Annie in middle school during a time when I struggled to make friends. At the time we were very close. Hanging out regularly and texting or calling all the time. She struggles with a disability which makes it harder for her to walk. Although she mentally is normal this has always been a big part of our friendship as I have had to help her get around on many occasions. Or make accommodations to help her out like walking slower so she can keep up, or helping move things around for her, or pushing her in a wheelchair. She also falls a lot due to this issue. Keep in mind she is one of the strongest people ik, and many times just gets right up even if its a terrible fall. And because of all of this I've always put in extra care towards helping her or being there. And we grew closer because of this.

Now Ashley, I met at one of my first jobs it was in the food industry, and we both worked at the same place. I was the one who made the first engagement with her and we clicked. Bonding over bands and fashion styles we both shared. Me and her though have had many falling outs (mostly due to her). But I have forgiven her many times for the things she has done and have allowed her to be my friend again after.

Now that the introductions are out of the way, recently I got into my first apartment. Me and my fiance moved here with Ashley and her now ex husband. And at first it seemed really promising. And I know the first thing everyone will say is that you don't want to be roommates with friends because it ruins it. But for both of these cases I don't think the roommate situation changed anything but allowing me to see the true colors of things. Anyway, so after a while of living together, I at this point was already helping Ashley out in so many ways. I put her on my phone plan, let her borrow my car etc etc. Soon enough I began to notice  things being misused or missing. Keep in mind also me and my fiance fully furnished the apartment, including all of the dishes, the bathroom supplies like shower curtains and towels for everyone, different appliances, I'm talking all the things you need to live comfortably in a house and be able to cook clean eat and sleep comfortably. It started with my vacuum being used to vacuum up tons of cat litter (poopy litter) to the point it snapped the belt and clogged the entire vacuum. And then many more things being broken or ruined by her specifically. Then my other friend Annie moved in. And I had hopes that she wouldnt add to any of this but boy was I wrong. After she moved in I noticed different products of mine going missing and/or being used. And later found multiple things I had been missing in Ashley's room (keep in mind she has an impulse problem which is not an excuse but it wasn't the end of the world for me since I knew this) before she fully moved out. And stuff is still going missing so ik it wasn't just her. Annie has also been stirring drama up in the house. And has been making big fusses about her disability that I have never heard or seen before. Like complaining about getting up and down the stairs in our house which makes no sense as she had much more worse ones in her childhood home she just moved out of. Just a whole bunch of reasons to not help out around the house.

But recently a nerve has been struck by the both of them together as a unit. About a month ago Ashley started hanging out with this group of guys who have in the past and I'm pretty positive still have been associated with 2 of my exs who abused me. As such when she brought it up to me I was one stunned and two got very protective of myself, and set up a boundary with her that I did not want to be anywhere near my abusers or any of there little gang. And at the time she agreed. I did not know Annie was also talking to the same people at this time. Annie and Ashley both have been my friend so long they were there during these traumatic parts of my life and genuinely believed I didn't have to worry about it. That is until I woke up early the other morning. Around 7am, which is abnormal for me I usually sleep in. I walked upstairs and Annie stops me abruptly and says you don't want to go out there ""greg""(not his real name) is out there. I being have awake still rubbing my eyes and all followed her into her room where she tells me she told him he could come over to the house but told me she said later, and that when she got home from her night shift she was shocked to find him sitting on the couch. I of course am infuriated and ask how he got here which she tells me Ashley brought him here. By the time I walked out into the living room where they just were they were gone. I still angry waited in the living room to see if they'd come back. Which they didn't. And so I decided to go throw on some warmer clothes and parade it outside. I went up to Ashley's car where her and Greg are hiding. Which she immediately stops me to pull me aside and talk before I could get to him. And tries to explain that he lied to her about what Annie said to him and that he was okay to come at that time. Which I immediately cut her off and said it doesn't matter you new the answer was no a month ago. And left her to pick up her jaw while I walked over to her car and yelled at him. I began to name off all of the people I know he hangs out with by there full names, probably about 5 or 6 people then ended it with saying and you (full name) are not allowed to come near me my house my street anything. And called him out on all the stuff I know he does that could get him into a lot of trouble. The last thing I said to him was that he was lucky he wasn't allowed in my house otherwise I would have made him clean his rank smells off of my couch. (Which I literally did scrub after this btw he literally made it stink) Ashley and Annie both have apologized and said it wasn't intended. But I can't shake this feeling that it was. And I have been thinking a lot about the dynamics with them and me a lot too. And have noticed all of these problems with the disrespect toward my things and me in general has been constant from both of them. And I just can't make it make sense why he was here the one time I wouldnt be awake during the day usually. And the boundary was already set and even if it wasn't that endangering my safety/peace by bringing people associated with my abusers near me. And it genuinely to me feels like a complete lack of care towards me. They also both think I overreacted and have tried to get me to make amends for being so mad (which being a Libra I usually hold my tongue and keep the peace) but I haven't been able to apologize because I feel it's not needed. And due to all these patterns I'm seeing now due to all these more obvious ones I think I should end the friendships with both. AITAH and they genuinely made a mistake and do I ignore the flags I've been seeing since I've been thinking about it, or was it a justified and they are just terrible friends, and if so some advice on how to go about ending the friendships would be wonderful!","NTA.  They need to move, because it's just going to continue and perhaps get even worse.  They've been taking advantage of you in all sorts of ways.  Give them a move out date and stick to it."
AITAH for getting angry at my wife after she accused me of watching porn?,"My wife and I had a really good day. Our 1-year-old went to sleep easily, we planned out the week ahead, and everything felt calm and positive. Later that night, she suddenly turned to me and accused me of watching porn/sexually explicit content on my phone while she was asleep.

She specifically said she saw blonde girls and people having sex on my phone. I completely denied it because it honestly did not happen. I was shocked and offended because the accusation felt totally out of nowhere and untrue.

I’ll admit that sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble falling back asleep. When that happens, I usually just check NBA scores or scroll Twitter/X until I’m tired again. And yeah, Twitter can be a minefield, so I guess it’s possible something random could pop up, but I never watched porn or anything sexual. 

What hurt the most was that she wouldn’t let it go. Even after I told her repeatedly that it didn’t happen, she doubled down and insisted she saw it. We share the same bed and also co-sleep with our baby, so the accusation felt even more bizarre to me.

I know she’s been feeling insecure since having the baby and putting on some weight, and I truly love her and still find her attractive. I probably could reassure her more, and I’m aware of that. But being accused of something I didn’t do really upset me, and I reacted angrily.

Now she’s bringing up things from the past to justify why she thinks this could be true, which just makes me feel worse.

So AITAH for getting angry over the accusation, even though I know she may be feeling insecure?","NTA but looking at your prior posts it seems she has PPD..

Have a chat with her and request her to seek treatment"
AITAH for asking my Mom if she loves my sisters more than me? I hope if I am people don't be so harsh on me because I am really not in a great mood right now and another post yesterday encouraged me to post this.,"So my family is me (18M), my 3 sisters (18F, 16F, 17F) and our mom (39F) and our dad ( 41M) we are pretty close family we all hang out whenever and with whoever and my mom and dad treats as all equally, hang out with all of us and spends time with us even more than my dad cuz most of the time he is busy at work more than mom. So we get more quality of time with mom. 

My gives us same level of affection and time, hugs, kisses, pet names, hang outs, emotional support, everything she is a great mom and we do everything together and she ( as any mom should from my understanding ) loves all equally and treats us equally like I said. She never made any of us feel less, I am very close to my sisters too. Three of them are just the best they know every secret of mine and they give me advices with my gf (idk if that's great or horrifying lmao).

So the thing is we are all 4 in same school, and my mom drives us to it, and 2 weeks ago when she dropped us, she always hugs us before we leave, when I entered 4 girls told me that they saw us in the morning and told me ( you are lucky that your mom loves you while you LITERALLY have 3 sisters ) I was confused and asked them what does that even mean, and they told me ( Moms usually loves daughters way way way WAY more than sons, that bond is way stronger than YOUR bond as a son with her not equal at all most of the time ask us we are 4 daughters of our parents, sons bond is overrated and not even strong maybe the weakest bond we know in families).

After that when mom came to pick us from school I didn't say anything to my mom or my sisters, I just went home to my room upstairs and kept searching Ai and some stupid psychological studies about MOM loving daughters more because of some brain shit and stuff that I really didn't understand nor did I thought had anything to do with real life families or moms those studies I don't usually trust or believe in and some weird ass outdates rules about gender and of course you know what happens when you spiral and overthink some stupid take someone said to you.

 I literally spent this weekend searching if I am worthy enough of my mom's love like my sisters and searching for reassurance (that I got ) THAT son bond with mom is just as strong and there is no ""by default"" favoritism and that those takes are stupid but OF COURSE i kept spiraling because I am an overthinker.

So my mom and sisters and dad been noticing my weird behavior this week and yesterday I went out of my room and mom dad and my sisters were downstairs and I just went and spontaneously asked my mom IF she loves my sisters more than me and if our bond as mom-son ain't as strong as mom-daughter. I bit on my life I could see my mom's face drain of color and my sisters were so sad and dad was like ( WHOA what's going on here ), Mom just cried and hugged me telling me screaming ( BULLSHIT, WHO TOLD YOU THAT, WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THIS IDEA) and sisters were like (WTF ARE YOU EVEN SAYING THAT IS WRONG ). Mom then asked me if she did something that hurt me or made me feel like that and I stiffed and panickily told her OF COURSE NOT!!. Dad asked me to remember my mom loves us all equally, and the day continued normally but I feel SO BAD for making mom feel like she did something wrong while I am the insecure overthinker. AITAH?",And you’re 18? Really?
WIBTAH for not going to my sister's baby shower?,"I'm using a throwaway account since I don't want this on my main one. 

So for some background, my parents broke up a bit before I was born. This has resulted in my dad being in and out for the first half of my life. Even then, I still spent time with my dad's side of the family as I grew up. Near the tail end of middle school, my dad moved back and we started talking and hanging out more.

Things changed when I went off to college. I had deleted Facebook, due to it being a cesspool, and I have a habit of not calling people. Because of that, the only way to really hear from me was to call or text my phone. This resulted in me having much less contact with my dad's side of the family. During the first half of college, I still talked to my dad, but he was starting to feel some type of way about the relationship we had. 

To make things nice and short, I stopped talking to my dad half way through college due to me feeling like he didn't respect my boundaries.

 Throughout college, I had spent most of my time with my mom and her parents. I kept in contact with my mom, because she was the one who present with me as a kid and she was helping me with stuff for college. I kept up with her parents, because I stayed with them whenever I was home and have, overall, been the closest with them out of anybody in my family. 

Now for the actual WIBTAH, if the stuff above didn't already mark me as one. My aunt on my dad's side had told me that my older sister was pregnant and having a baby shower in a couple of months. I'm not too close with this sister, since she has some of my dad's personality traits (which she hates to be told about). I haven't seen her since 2020 and I haven't talked to her since 2024 when we had a brief exchange over text.

Anyways, my aunt was heavily insisting that I go since I rarely ever see or call my dad's side of the family. She also brings up how I only really call my mom and grandparents. I do love my dad's side of the family, but I don't want to go to this baby shower. When it comes to my dad's side, there is bound to be some drama, especially since my dad is going to be there.

And sorry if this reads like a mess. I'm pretty much speed running like >6 years in a single post, so I'm bound to miss some stuff.","You can have whatever relationship you want with people and it sounds like you genuinely dont want to have one. So go, dont go, its your choice. 

Just one random aunt telling you to come doesnt make you an AH."
Alcoholic STBXW w/o Custody wants Her Family to Stop Helping Her Kids—AITAH?,"I have been going through a very long divorce for the last three years. I got sober three years ago and I did it by moving out and away from her drinking. She has been in and out of rehabs constantly the past three years and it ramped up substantially the last year with a felony DUI and a trip to the ER for alcohol poisoning and a benzodiazepine OD. Possibly also a suicide attempt. I currently have custody of our only minor child and my wife is living alone in an apartment. I had given up on the marriage the last two years and was ready to move on. We were already living separately and had divided the proceeds of our house sale and other community property. I reluctantly agreed to try marriage counseling again and we have attended 3 sessions. During the last week, I looked at our old joint checking account (closed now) and saw alcohol purchases from a liquor store every single day. When I confronted her she said she was buying lotto tickets and soda. I’m not stupid. 

Tonight she sounded to me like she wanted to finalize the divorce based on a text exchange. I feel like she is manipulating me and trying to turn the tables. It feels like verbal abuse honestly. She is threatening me to tell her family to stop helping our kids. They were generous to offer to pay for the kid’s education and I am very grateful. They are also contributing 20% of my rent because I have custody of our minor (rent/food/clothing/etc). I am also grateful for that. But that 20% does not even begin to cover all the expenses. So I pay for everything else of course. I do not consider this “leaning” on her family. My family doesn’t help me and I don’t expect them to. She doesn’t provide a dime of her own. She hasn’t worked in about 5 years but once commanded a salary higher than my own. She technically owes me child support. 

AITAH here? Gas Lit or manipulated? Or is it wrong for me to accept some financial help for my daughter that she isn’t able to provide? She tells me she wants a divorce and when I agree, she gets mad. Then she oddly pivots to texting me music she likes. I’m sure she was drunk. It’s so weird . Shouldn’t a divorced woman pay child support just as much as a dad? I want to tell her family, move to dismiss the alimony case and request child support or AITAH?

TLDR: My alcoholic wife wants to reconcile but I found out she’s been lying and still drinking daily. I confronted her and she denies it and instead she gets angry with me while trying to hurt me emotionally and financially. 
",Divorce her and file for full custodial custody.  She will have to pay child support and insurance for the kids and hopefully it will be more than the 20% and schooling.
AITAH for ghosting my high school friends,"I had a friend group and we had 9 members. We met when we were in high school and when we graduated, we went our separate ways and had different programs and colleges. Though we still kept in touch through our messenger group chat.

One of our members had a child during pandemic and we had this celebrations after every month of the baby’s existence. And obviously there would most possibly be alcohol involved whenever we get together.

I was 20 at the time, F, and I always think of how I would get home, who are the people I’d be drinking with, and the location. If I dont know where we’re going, I would not go with them.

This one time, I was sick, and they wanted to meet because it was around christmas time. I told them I couldnt go because I was sick and I didnt want the kid to get sick because of me (this was during the time when the pandemic was just dying down). They got angry at me and one of them even left the group chat. I found it very dramatic and that’s when I decided to ghost them. Though I didnt leave the group because they’d just bring me back. I just ignored the group chat and they dont know I’m still able to read their messages.

The thing is I wasn’t the only one who said no, but I’m the only one they attacked. They still went out to drink, though I believe there was only four or five of them, not including the one who left the group.

Months later, my birthday came up, no one from the group chat remembered. I chose to understand since we were all busy doing our theses, it was finals season after all, and I was on the verge of cutting them off entirely. They only remembered a month later. I only thanked and replied to those who messaged me directly.

I promised myself that I would only explain why I ghosted them to those who would ask me privately. Out of the eight people, only one of them asked how I was doing and why I wasnt using the group chat anymore, which was the immaturity they showed me the christmas before. They all thought it was because they missed my birthday. During this time, I already removed every trace of them from my social media posts.

A year later, its my birthday again. I opened up our group chat and one of the members who was closest to me before said “Its your BFF’s birthday. Go greet her if you want to.” Funny how they remembered this time.

I think this hurt me more because they knew what kind of a friend I was to them. I remembered every birthday, I tried my best to make them happy, my family knew them all. They know how understanding I’ve been. And the only person who reached out to me was not even one of my closest friends in our group. I got tired of all the immaturity, the lack of empathy, the lack of understanding and hipocrisy.",That passive aggressive message proves you were right to leave. It hurts because you were a genuine friend to people who were only convenient friends to you. You deserve better people in your life.
AITAH for not believing my wife?,"  
Hey everyone,
I need some help with this one. 

My wife and I have had a huge fight. Earlier today we went shopping, then went to pick up the kids. She stayed in the car while I waited outside school and I left my phone for her to use as she left hers at home on charge. 

I was gone for about 5 minutes. 

Later on I realised that a WhatsApp message from my Dad has been read, I hadn't opened it. I asked her and she said she clicked on it by accident. I have an app usage tracker on my phone, and it said in the 5 minutes or so I was gone she viewes:

My texts for 1 minute
WhatsApp for 1 minute 30
Facebook messenger for about 30 seconds
Instagram and the picture gallery quickly. 

I asked her if she wants to look at my messages in future to just but and she was (and still is) absolutely adamant she wasn't looking at my messages and has no reason to. 

I thought maybe the third party app could be wrong, although its normally very accurate. There is a built in feature on android that does the same thing as the third party app, and it says the same thing. It said what apps were opened, for how long and what time. 

Upon me showing her this she was still absolutely adamant. She said she may have opened them accidentally but that doesnt make sense. Facebook was opened first for like 5 seconds, then messenger (presumably from Facebook) then facebook again when she came out of messages. 

I have no problem her looking at my messages, id just like to be asked first. 

She's saying I should trust her word. She's sworn on the kids lives that she wasn't snooping. She has said its making her suspicious that im acting so weird about it. Now she's staying at her dads for the night and talking about leaving me because she can't be with someone who doesnt trust her. 

Im sorry for the long post, and writing it all out seems petty but I feel like im losing my mind. If she's lying its over something so small and she seems to be willing to take the lie really far. But if she's being honest I just can't make sense of the app data corresponding from 2 different sources. 

Sorry again and thanks for reading if you made it this far. ",You have 2 programs confirming she lied to you. It's up to you what you do with that information. Her going to stay at her Dad's is pretty extreme. And telling.
AITAH for telling my boss to have another drink even though she's struggling with alcoholism?,"Our company had been struggling for nearly 4 years while my boss just kept emptying the coffers. She took 315K in cash to buy her son a house, & over 300K to fix their houses after a hurricane. She made a claim against her insurance policies & with FEMA. So, as the Controller (like a CFO but without the extra work) the business, I thought ""cool."" She'll pay it back when she's reimbursed. However, she didn't. She kept over 270K when she received it and it severely impacted the business. 

Before you continue, here's an important part. In Feb 16, 2026, I'll be 5 years sober from alcohol. So, I have a shit-ton of patience for people struggling with their addictions.

In mid-December, she called me - after hours - screaming and cursing because we only had 9K in the bank. She was dropping F- bombs, repeating my name, over & over again. This always meant that she was drunk. I could literally feel my skin  crawl this time. 

She was asking why there was a new employee (my brother, our database administer, acquired at a reduced rate because we couldn't afford a market price) and why was he on salary. She and I spoke about hiring him several times before this and she approved the hire. As a matter of fact, months before - even on a few rare occasions when she happened to be sober. 

This didn't stop her barrage though. I tried to diffuse the situation by reminding her that we talked about hiring him and that she previously approved it. I even offered to call her on Monday to discuss it. My exact words were, ""I feel like you're drinking right now and this isn't an appropriate time to have this conversation. Let's talk on Monday."" That didn't work. 

She continued to verbally assault me and even went so far as to say, ""Oh, fuck you! Fuck you, your brother, and fuck your daughter!"" (My daughter was the Senior Staff Accountant) At this insult, I was done! Having enough of her shit, I took a deep breath and calmly said ""go have another drink"" & hung up. She had crossed the line. 

She called back crying, asking how could I use her "" ""past"" against her; only it wasn't her past. She was drunk the night before. She's constantly drunk! Everyone in our industry knows she is a lush. I just kept hanging up on her.

I had brought up her addiction previously, on multiple occasions, however, she would never get help. This is why I had to step up from my role to act in her stead for the past near 4 years. Honestly, I was over it and over her. Fuck her. 

This wasn't the first for her. I know that it ""cut to the bone"" when I said it, but she deserved it - at least in my eyes. After all of this, she fired me, my brother and my daughter the following Monday. (Yes, I have a lawsuit pending for this) 

Obviously, it was retribution, but my daughter said I should have just taken it. I was mentally exhausted though. After years of her abuse, I was depleted. I was nauseous all the time. I could barely eat or sleep, even my hair was falling out. My doctor had even put me on anxiety meds. It was always fight or flight because of her alcoholic tantrums and abuse. I couldn't take it anymore.  

It was a relief when I said it. I could finally breathe. There's a lot of people saying I hit below the belt. I don't think I did. I keep second-guessing myself now. Do you think I was an asshole for saying it?

Thanks 🫩
#AITAH","Not at all, and I hope you win the lawsuit"
WIBTAH to correct someone in a birthday video?,"My husband and I have a friend, really more of my husband’s friend for multiple reasons I won’t get into here. We’ve known him for about 10 years. From the moment he was introduced to me, he’s been calling me by a nickname that I do not like him to use, despite being gently corrected many times over the years. 

The tricky thing is, it \*is\* a nickname I use, but it’s exclusive to people I’m sleeping with. Only ex-boyfriends and now my husband have ever called me that. He’s never heard anyone except my husband use than name for me, everyone else calls me a different nickname. 

Keeping anonymity, think of it like my name is Alexandra and most people call me Alex. This man calls me Lexi. I never gave him permission to use such an intimate version of my name and especially one that is a babied version of my name. Every time he says it, to me, it’s akin to him calling me “baby” or “sweetheart” and I fucking hate it. he’s been told this numerous times across the last 10 years.

  
Today, his girlfriend sends out a text message asking for my husband, “Lexi”, and our baby to help her make a birthday video for this guy. Even says he has our holiday card on his fridge and how cute our family is. The holiday card which clearly and blatantly has my name as “Alexandra”. 

This woman I have NEVER met and don’t even know now is calling me by a nickname reserved for men whose penises have been inside me. And I am just furious. I’m sure someone will say I’m overreacting but I honestly don’t care. This is not appropriate and I am not happy about it in the least. I complained about it to my husband, but he insists that I just don’t like this friend of his.

So my question is, in making this video, WIBTA to intentionally introduce myself in the video as “Alexandra” (even though the video doesn’t need introductiona) and to end the video with “best wishes, love Alexandra”?

  
It feels passive aggressive but I’m so sick of being referred to in such an intimate way by someone I never gave that permission to. it’s so uncomfortable and I’ve asked so many times to just be called Alexandra or even Alex. Hell, I’ll even take Andy, just stop calling me Lexi!!!

  
so wibta to use this birthday video as a reminder of my boundaries?","NTA, you have the right to ask anyone not to call you a specific name regardless of the reason. I would 100% do what you mentioned in the birthday video just out of spite. Also, the AH here is your husband for not having your back in the matter, his friend clearly doesn’t respect you and that’s the real problem"
AITAH for cutting off a former friend who refused to respect boundaries?,"ok so this is gonna be long but like here goes, also fake names btw

there’s this guy i used to be kinda close with like basically bffs but omg over time he got soooo exhausting and manipulative and obsessed with getting what he wanted

so basically before winter break he got with this homie hopper bc his friend told him to and then later that same friend told him to break up with her so ofc he does without thinking and then he begs me to help him write an apology to get back together  i do it but literally use his words not mine (he's dyslexic)

even after that he wouldn’t leave the kid alone. for context the kid is a trans dude, so the slurs used upon me were along that nature. he actually blocked Alec first at some point, the unblocked him and began to harrass the kid, and then later Alec blocked him, which he literally could not handle at all. he kept trying to get others to him nonstop and even got our mutual friend, lets call him joe ig, to tell Alec, to read his messages like at school ???

after Alec blocked him, he started projecting onto me in our group chat. he would say offensive stuff, call me slurs, try to bait people for attention, and just be dramatic af. for example, he would post random political stuff or just freak out whenever we ignored him. eventually he left the group chat dramatically, only to be added back later and mostly stay silent. honestly it was exhausting

he also kept calling me every day even when i was sleeping (atp it was winter break) and one day i didnt see a reel he sent me so he starts calling me slurs and that was like my last straw and i decided i was done tolerating him, so i blocked and reported him. on snap i just kinda ghost him lowkey and he has no idea why but he will prob figure it out soon

by the end of break it was obvious he exhausted everyone. he has friends but no one really close bc he’s manipulative, obsessive, unpredictable, just exhausting. i set firm boundaries and refuse to deal with him anymore. Im also thinking that imma tell my SNSI, NSI, or CO. (we're in JROTC)

so yeah AITA for cutting him off and letting him deal with the consequences of his own chaos?

**TL;DR:** former friend harrased a trans ex, got blocked back, projected onto me in the group chat, called me slurs, tried to get attention, and wouldn’t respect boundaries. i blocked/ghosted him and set firm boundaries. AITA?

",YTA for making people read this drivel. 
"AITAH for not even caring if my grandma's dead or not, now that she's sick?","I have PTSD. I haven’t been able to sleep properly for nine years because of this. When I was around 10, on the day my grandpa died, my grandma—while crying—looked directly at me for a moment and said, “So you’re done eating your grandpa?”


There were my other cousins and relatives around her to support her, and they also looked at me with that stare that seemed to say, “You killed him.” I was just a child, so I froze in that moment. I never could have expected something like that, especially from her.


That phrase stayed with me. It haunts me at night and demands answers. And now that she is sick and on the verge of dying, my internal defense mechanism tells me not to care about her at all","Wth, why would they say that?
NTA, family or not, doesn't matter."
"Nightmare gf… imo, you decide AITAH","Don’t really know where to start but just gonna go with what comes to mind first, been dating This woman for 2-3 years  (moved in less than a year) fyi big mistake. But routinely surprise her with nights out or  take her out for breakfast dates. 
Our birthdays are just before Christmas so I went all out and I literally didn’t sleep setting up our (shes on the lease after I couldn’t argue anymore and gave in, so my bad but it’s not 50-50, she has 0 credit and no where Near enough income to pay the electric bill.) whole house decorated with her favourite colour tones and favourite things (ballon’s, streamers, flowers, fkn labubus, heart shaped pillows, new couch covers, new curtains, pics all over the house of us in all our special moments) she bought me a Gucci wallet. Nothing more nothing less. Including Christmas. 
Every day off I have I take her to her family (that she constantly talks shit about) but we just have to see when all I want to do is sit or go to the gym she complains I never do anything for her.. and I honestly just want to pack all my things in a night while she sleeps and never text or call her again and rip the house out from under her..



 AITH? ",Stop talking and just end it!
AITAH if I don't answer the phone anymore when it's my (25m) brother who call?,"that post will be long, so sorry

I (22f) struggle to get my drivers license and my life together. 

Got my diploma and my first book published last year, so I know what I want to do in life. 

And, before assuming anything, you should know that no girl on earth will love my brother as much as I do. He's my older brother but everyone called us ""the twins""
cause we look alike so much. 
I was looking up to him so much as we were kids, he was my hero, but now...

All of this started three years ago. I was in a bad state of life, the worst even, and I was medicated with antidepressants. My brother didn't approve of this, told me to toughen up, that I should be strong (like our mother, who died 11 years ago) I took the pills, and he stopped talking to me FOR A DAMN YEAR. 
I was crying, asking for him my bf was tired and sad at the same time, and my brother didn't pick ANY OF MY CALLS, and then, at the end of the year, he called me, promised me to be here, talked to me for hours, I cried and cried, he apologized, then promised to call more often. 
The year passed, He started making some changes but no drastic ones. He stopped calling, then got back together with his girlfriend, who was a sweet girl btw. He was only with her, but did show up to my birthday. After that, no more news. 

He was always breaking his phone, into some kind of issues, or just not here. I was trying to get by without having his guidance and advice, and made my own choices, gave my best friend the role of the brother I've lost. 

And since last year, my family is putting so much pressure on me, for my drivers license, that I still don't have, instead of trying to get to know me more, caring about my feelings and all. He's doing the same thing. 

All he do is judge, assume things that aren't true, listen to people instead of me, but the worst is that he criticized my 6 years relationship while he was dumped by his girlfriend for being a jerk to her. 

Also, he is in a bad state at the moment. Living at my aunt's, cutting ties with my other aunt, being so close to be homeless, and spam calling me just to ask when will I get my drivers license, and do subtle comment on how I prefer my bf than my family. He always remind me that my bf ""isn't family"" and that I shouldn't be so much confident in that relationship, just because my bf's mom and I had some beef (resolved by the fact that my bf did spoke up and stand up to us) 

Now, my brother is calling me sometimes. I won't pick up.

I don't pickup because I don't love him anymore. I don't pickup because all that judgment, that ""be tough, be stronger"" made me sick. He made it clear he don't want us to be ""the twins"" anymore.

so, Am I the Asshole? 

",[removed]
AITAH for not having my brother-in-law as a groomsman and now wanting to confront him for giving my wife the silent treatment?,"So my wife (32f) and I (33m) got married in September. We chose our wedding party over a year in advance. She picked her sister, cousins, best friends and her sister-in-law (her brother’s wife) so 7 bridesmaids and MOH. I picked my cousin and my closest friends as my 5 groomsmen. I did not choose her brother (40m) as a groomsman and she didn’t choose my sisters as bridesmaids. We honestly just wanted our closest and if anyone was next on the list for me it would be my sisters partner, uncle etc.

We weren’t trying to exclude anyone and my view is that a wedding is the only time we can make all the calls as it’s our day. Plus I see anyone invited as part of the day, we don’t need titles and matching suits for that to be the case for everyone (otherwise we’ll end up with a Football team of people in the same suit lol). At the time of choosing nothing was flagged as an issue by him or her family.

About a month before the wedding my wife’s parents told us that her brother was extremely upset about being “left out”. This was the first we’d heard of it. He never came to us directly. The timing also seemed to line up with his wife and the kids getting their matching outfits and him feeling like everyone in her side of the family had a title (FOB, MOB, MOH). All the kids are 7 and under and we just thought it would be cute and an amazing memory for them to be walking down the aisle in mini suits and dresses.

My wife immediately tried to smooth things over. She told him he was absolutely part of the wedding, that she was doing a first-look reveal with him and their dad, that he’d be a witness on the day, and even offered to get him a matching suit if he wanted (I didn’t agree to the last offer as I saw it as a pity suit and a bit pathetic) He refused the suit and didn’t want to talk about it. He mentioned that she was a bridesmaid at his wedding but at this point she was very close to his wife. Her ex was a groomsman but again, they had known each other for 5 years, and I don’t think that means I have to choose my groomsmen to make others happy.

After the wedding I found out he felt like crying on the day, complaining to his mum an hour before we walk the isle. Since then he has completely stopped speaking to my wife. It’s been about three months. Even when their grandad passed away in November and she texted him to see how he was, he ignored her.

We hosted Christmas Eve this year and he stopped his family from coming, so his two sons missed seeing their cousins. FYI it’s a tradition on their family side that someone hosts and all the family see each other.

For context, I’ve known him about 2.5 years. We’re friendly at family gatherings and I would go to the pub with him, but we don’t hang out away from family events. My wife says he has a history of falling out with people and then refusing to communicate. She and him are normally close and she even helps him with HR stuff for his business. My own sisters weren’t in the wedding party and they were totally fine with it, at the time of choosing me and wife had been together 1.5 years so just wasn’t as close with each family when choosing.

He still hasn’t told us what he expected, everything comes through his parents. What made it worse is when he told his parents they then told us we made a mistake so I think they validated how he felt. I’m not denying he might be upset but I don’t think it’s the right way to look at this.

We also moved into our first house we own together and a week later he was posting houses he was looking at, so I think he’s also jealous.

At this point I feel like his behaviour is childish and unfair on my wife (who is also pregnant) and I’m tempted to confront him to ask what he actually wanted and why he’s punishing her over this. So far I haven’t because my wife has tried to communicate and talk to her parents, so I’ve respected her wishes to sort it herself.

AITAH for not having him as a groomsman?","NTA, but for my wedding I gave males on my wife's side jobs like usher or something along those lines. Let them feel included, but I didn't have to mess with my wedding party. He's acting like a child though."
AITAH for not having my wife's back at a family gathering?,"My nephew's birthday was on the 3rd we went over to celebrate. My wife has four sisters, the two from Gerogia take care of their mom. The two from Gerogia came down to celebrate nephew turned 13, they brought their mother with them. People were asking them how they are doing and they were quick to throw my wife and their other sister under the bus. Saying things like they could come around more often if their sisters help. 

I think they honestly came just to start shit, but at the sametime my wife has not once offered to help them nor has her other sister. Now yes we have children and they don't not using that as an excuse but I have told my wife if she wants to take time off to fly down to Gerogia to care for her mom or something that is fine we can make it a family trip or she can go alone. She is not keen on using her limited PTO like that, and we don't have the space to host an adult in our apartment. I cannot speak for her sister. 

During this entire ordeal I just kept to myself and let them hash it out, but later my wife was pissed cause I did not have her back. Her sister's husband had their backs, but i told her it was hard for me to say anything cause I did agree my wife could do more to help them, and that is think the four of them needed to air our their true feelings out. 

Now I know the rule of thumb is back up your wife but I don't think that would have helped here.","If it was JUST your wife and her sisters hashing it out then thats fine. But when other men hop on the train it is your duty to get involved period. Whether you agree with her or not is a private discussion the two of you can have after, but allowing another man to also come at her sideways for any reason is off the table. Again if its just her sister's its a family matter and you let it be, BIL does not get to join the party while you sit by quietly. For that specific reason YTA."
AITAH for making my boyfriend cry after a hike?,"My bf(21M) and I(22F) went on a group hike together where my boyfriend ended up crying after. 

My boyfriend wanted to go on a hike at night that led to this campfire with some of his friends. He invited me and said I could invite anyone so I invited my friends also. He tells everyone to meet him at his place so we can all take one car to the start of the trail and go from there. So me and my friends get there while him and his friends are there. 

During the car ride there I notice he didn’t really want to talk to me. Then we finally get to the hike and he’s walking super far ahead of me and leaving me with my friends. The hike is a little rocky so I needed help during certain sections where his friend was there to help me. I was pretty upset at this point and annoyed. I felt like he didn’t really care about me. 

We get to the campfire and I ask him whats wrong, thats when he tells me my friend I invited made a weird comment toward him. He said he was trying to get his friend he invited involved in the convo by making a joke. He asked his friend if she “wanted to take shrooms for her first time” on the hike. Thats when my friend told her its not a good idea and said “you’re way smarter than he is.. you’re not as dumb as him.” He was telling me he thought the joke was obvious since he didn’t have any shrooms and was just trying to get the conversation going.

I was there during that conversation but I honestly zoned out during that part. I was upset with my friend and would have said something if I knew that comment she had made. 

I drop everyone off and head to my boyfriend’s place where him and his friends were playing a drinking game. We end up getting pretty drunk and his friends leave. 

We start talking about the night and thats when I start telling him how I felt about everything. I told him that it hurt me he was walking so far ahead of me on the hike and didn’t bother to wait. He apologized and said he wasn’t in the mood to be around me or my friend in that moment. Then I made the comment that made him cry. I said “Why was your friend the only man helping me and you weren’t?” 

After this he didn’t really want to talk and shut down. He just started crying and said it made him feel like he was being compared. I felt bad because he was saying how he just wanted everyone to have a good night and went out of his way to buy fire wood and alcohol and snacks for everyone just to be insulted in his own place.

I don’t think the comment I made was that bad but he said it was an uncalled for comment. AITAH for making my bf cry with that comment? ",So much drama..
AITAH after my mom cut me off,"Hi everyone, this will be a long one. I, [20M] am currently a sophomore at college, coming off an argument I had with my step father over text during Christmas break, and have seemingly been permanently cut off from both him and my mother.

My apologies in advance, there's a lot of backstory that has led up to this, and I feel it'd be disingenuous to leave any details out, but I had to cut a lot of it out.

Halfway through my first semester during freshman year at college, I received a call from my mother [46F] asking me how I'd feel about her and my bio dad [45M] getting a divorce. Her and my dad set up an agreement where he'd try to improve over the month of October, and by the end, they'd see where they're at in their relationship, and if they didn't see any improvement, they'd look into their options as to getting separated. Why specifically my father needed to improve and not her is a completely different tale, but I'll just say he wasn't very active in the relationship, nor as a parent to me and my sister [13F], amongst other small things that have just built up over the years, but regardless, I don't exactly blame her for wanting to leave him, and I even expected it to happen at some point.

Regardless, I told her that I didn't have the right to keep the two of them in an unhappy marriage, and if splitting is what they wanted to do, who am I to stand in the way of that? I only asked her that my sister be made the priority in the divorce (this will come up later).

The rest of October went less than ideally for my father. My mother ended up breaking the agreement early by writing him a note telling him she wanted a divorce. Likely due to the fact she had formed an emotional affair with her childhood friend, my now stepfather [46M], at the beginning of the summer in 2024, and was too far to end it with him.

Other than the usual things that come with a divorce, such as custody agreements and other things of that sort, the divorce went surprisingly well given all that had led up to it. We had lived in a rental so there wasn't a house to fight over, and each took their cars with them, etc, etc.

The first thing that had caused an issue occurred over my Thanksgiving break. My grandmother [65F] (father's mother), who I will be the first one to say, is not the most amicable of people when she believes harm has come to her children or grandchildren, i.e., her son getting cheated on, nor is she the most agreeable or level-headed person even at the best of times, but I digress. 

Someone on her side of the family did some snooping on John (stepdad), and pulled his criminal record. That person then relayed that information to my grandmother, who in turn looked into it herself, who then relayed it to my father. I only found out because she told me there was a criminal record, but wouldn't tell me what was on it. I asked my father what was on it, but, he was, although not equally as vague in telling me, left it at domestic issues and didn't elaborate further (likely because my sister was within ear shot, and she's going to be living with him, and didn't want it to cause any issues). Nonetheless, I decided to look into it myself, since no one was telling me, and found out why my grandmother had been making a big fuss about it. 

From memory, some of the charges were domestic violence, unlawful imprisonment, child abuse, with some financial stuff thrown in there as well. Now, based on the interactions I had had with him up until this point, I came to two conclusions, that one, he is a changed man, or two, the charges were bogus.

I, trying not to play the sides game, told John that my grandmother pulled his record, just to inform him should it come up as an issue later. He explained to me the reason as to what he spent two years in prison for, as his relatives had basically screwed him over royally, and even called one of these relatives, who backed up what he had told me.

He did not, however, make any mention of the more concerning charges on the record though, but I did not inquire further, as he was getting emotional and I didn't want to push him (the sad, crying kind, not angry or mad, kind of emotional).

For clarification, because this will come up again, I did not ask him to explain that situation, nor did I pressure him into doing so. I was only informing him that his record had been pulled, and ""you know, be advised"". He took it upon himself to call his relative, and explain everything. I recorded the conversation (with both John and his relative's consent) to hopefully present to my grandmother so that she may be more understanding of the situation.

Returning to the timeline at hand, over Christmas break (freshman year, so a year ago), my car, which I inherited from my great grandmother (father's side), and my father didn't have insurance on it yet, so John lent me his 2022 Camaro RS to use as transportation. 

My dad had asked me if I wanted to get lunch my first week home, before he'd have to go pick up my sister from school. It was getting about time for him to go get her, so I had proposed the idea of picking her up in John's Camaro, because you know, cool car, her friend will love it. My father and John at this point were on extraordinarily good terms, and after thanksgiving break, and the two had even joked about my father driving the Camaro I say this because, given that information, I had no reason to believe my father was unwelcome in the Camaro, especially since it was only to pick up my sister, and he would only be in the passenger seat (this will come up later).

Returning to the matter at hand again, I had a doctors appointment that December, and I'd be getting a flu and Covid booster shot, both of which I have had poor reactions to in the past, and as I would be alone should I have a bad reaction to them, I chose to spend the night with my mother and stepdad, in case I got sick. As I was leaving my appointment to head up to their house (an hour drive away) I had taken the wrong exit on the highway. I got off the highway and at the end of the off ramp, I had to make a left turn through an intersection to get back to the on ramp. As I was making this left turn, I heard sirens coming from my right, an ambulance was coming through. Meanwhile, I am right in the ambulance's way, right in the middle of the intersection. I sped up to clear the intersection for the ambulance, in doing so, ended up curbing the front passenger side tire rim underneath the overpass. 

I had then gotten back on the highway and made my way up to their house. When I got there, I took a look at the rim to access the damage, and found only cosmetic damage to the rim, as the paint had gotten scratched and rim roughed up a bit. I immediately sent John a text and picture of the rim, letting him know what had happened. He said, ""it's okay, I'm not mad, you know I trust you, are you okay?"" I said yes, I just wanted to let you know anything that happened to the car while I had it. 

Fast forward to Christmas Eve. It was my dad's week with my sister, so he dropped her off with me, to take her to our church's Christmas Eve service, and then back to our dad's. He was going to fill up the Camaro and was trailing behind me on the way to the gas station. Now, if anyone has driven or been inside of one of the new Camaros, you know that car is blind spot city. While I was turning into the gas station, I couldn't fully see where the curb dipped down to enter the parking lot, and ended up driving over the curb a bit, and since he was literally right behind me, he saw it, and when we got out to get gas, he was laughing and jokingly said ""I think someone drove over a curb"", and didn't give me any indication he was angry about it. 

Fast forward again to January 2nd, Me and my father went out to go see War of the Rohirrim. After seeing the movie, my dad had taken me out to our insurance place to get insurance on the car I inherited from my great grandmother, so I could drive it. I asked him if he could drive my car back to my grandfather's so I could use it, and I gave him a ride back home in the Camaro, since it didn't really make all that much sense to get out of the Camaro and get into my Corolla.

Fast forward again to late January. This is where everything starts to hit the fan. I'm back at college, and I get a text from John asking me if my father drove the Camaro, I said no. He asked me if he was in the Camaro, I said yes, twice. He had found out my dad was in the Camaro through my sister. She had wanted John to drop her off at school in the Camaro, when he said no because again, they live and hour away from her school, and this is Midwest winter, it's not a good idea to be driving that car an hour on the highway in snowy conditions, my sister told him ""well, dad and (me)"" picked her up from school in it. 

John then got angry, as understandably, his stepson allowed his father, my mother's and his now fiancé's ex, into his muscle car, and wasn't told. Now, though I now know that I should have told him my father was in the car, here's my reasoning as to why I didn't. With the information I had at the time, given the more than good relationship both John and my father had at this time, and having been told the two of them had joked about my father driving the car, I had no reason to think John would have any objections to my father being in the car, let alone just riding shotgun on the way pick up my sister from school, and me driving him back home. It's not that I didn't tell him because I knew he wouldn't be happy about it, and so I tried to hide it from him. I didn't tell him because I had no reason to think he'd even think twice, or even care about it. 

Regardless, I apologized to him for not telling him, because, I should have told him, but I also tried to explain to him that because the two of them had joked about my father driving it, so I didn't have any reason to think he'd care if he was in the car to pick up my sister or for me to drive him home.

John had at first thought my father had done it, I vehemently insisted otherwise, because everyone was still friendly with one another, and also, he thought the Camaro was sick as hell. This is where the detail earlier about my grandfather going to a nursing facility comes up again. My mother wanted my grandfather to come stay with her, John, and his kids, however, my uncle (mom's brother) had power of attorney over my grandfather, and placed him at the nursing home, so there had been a falling out between my uncle and mother over that disagreement.

Nothing came of that, however and I more recently asked her if she keyed the Camaro, and she said no. Since she has no reason to lie to me, I choose to trust that she didn't, and it was someone else who keyed the car.

Fast forward to around late February/early March. John gets the Camaro looked at, and gets back a repair bill for $15,000, insurance having covered $11,000, leaving him with a co-pay of $4,000. The main damage was to the front ground effect/valance. Said damage likely occurred when I curbed it to clear the intersection for the ambulance, or when I went over the curb at the gas station.

My mother, who was considering asking my father to contribute to the repair bill, for what reason I have no clue. It was then thrown at me, that John believed my dad DID drive the Camaro, damaged it, and I came up with the ambulance story to cover for him. Additionally, I continued to insinuate that I was a liar for saying my dad didn't drive the car, and again that I didn't tell him, and that I ""wrecked"" his car. 

Fast forward again. During spring break I had started doordashing, and made enough money to purchase a parking pass for college. After break, I was out doordashing, and had hit the brakes to enter a traffic circle, I ended up hydroplaning, and sliding into the curb bending my tire rim. I inspected the damage and realized the my tires had hairline cracks in them and that they were dryrotted even though they somehow still held air.

I told John about the bent rim, as well as the poor condition of my tires, and asked him if he could help me out by getting me a new rim and tires, which he agreed to, as I had less than $20 to my name. So by early April, I had saved up enough money to purchase a new strut, and new brake pads, with the intention of fixing it myself (which I did). Feeling proud of myself for buying the parts and planning to put them on myself, I told John about how I saved up enough to get the strut and change the brakes. 

I later received a call from my mother that same day on the way to pick up the parts, who told me that John felt I am using him for his money, since I've made no effort to pay for the repairs on the Camaro, and with him paying for my new tires, and the $26 rim I picked up from the junkyard, and me paying for the parts to repair my car, and by me telling him about me buying the part to fix it, he felt I was taunting him and rubbing it in his face.

About a week after I had fixed the strut and put new brakes on, I had sent John $15 over Cash App to contribute to the repair bill for the Camaro. At the time I had around $150 in my bank account, and yes, I could have sent him more than that $15, but as I was nearing the end of the school semester, I was wanting to build some savings to pay for any expenses relating to damage I may have to pay, and since finals were coming up, I didn't have as much time to DoorDash as I was preparing for exams and other projects. And I ended up being correct as I was given a $120 bill for paint damage to my dorm room. I soon received a call from John saying that $15 was a slap in the face.

Fast forward again, it's the summer, and I picked up a landscaping job paying me $15/hr, where I was routinely called r-slur, and a fuck-up, berated for putting in too much effort, until the boss let me go because I “didn’t fit in with his crew”, and needed time to get something right, instead of getting it right off the bat, but I still stuck with it until I couldn’t. Around mid-May, I got a call from either John or my mother, TL;DR, couldn’t get a word in, but basically, I was told I didn’t have to pay John back for what I owed on the Camaro, I only needed to show that I cared, which to him, meant helping him out renovate his stepdad’s house. I told John to let me know when he was going to be over there, and I could adjust my schedule/plans if I had any so that I could go and help him out.

Fast forward again to late June, I hadn’t received any word from John about helping him with his house, what I did receive however, was a text from my mother, saying that I needed to start sending John some money every month, because he’s looking into filing a lawsuit against me. I responded back, saying that I told both of them that I had no problem coming over and helping with the house if that's what John wanted, but I hadn’t gotten a single text from either of them asking me to come over and help, and that I had to order a new debit card so he’ll get his money when that comes in, so I can start putting some of that cash in my bank account, and link the card to my cash app and send him the money. My mother texted me back saying I haven’t made an effort to text either of them and see if they need help. Now when I read that, I admittedly got a little heated. 

I said, “I’m working 8:00-5:00 five or more days a week, in 85+ degree heat, whilst getting bitched at by my foreman for putting in extra effort. Just last week I got bitched for trimming the inside of a fence at one of our jobs and I got told off for wasting time because I don’t get paid to make the decision to put in extra effort to make someone’s yard look nicer. My SECOND week my foreman called me a fuck up to the boss, because a DIFFERENT CREW MEMBER BAILED ON HER and last week she asked me if I did well in school like I was some fucking r****d because I couldn’t remember something. So sorry, I’m not going to volunteer one of my days off from a job where five days a week I’m constantly being demeaned or belittled for doing too much or not remembering something, on a whim. If either of you need help you can tell me.”

TL;DR, this conversation ended with a phone call very similar to the last one in mid-May, I couldn't get a word in, but this one also had a mental breakdown, tears and all so yeah. I begged, and I mean BEGGED John to take my money, because I valued that day off that much, (I hated that job, the only good thing I got out of it was the money, some nice boots, and a tan) and he insisted otherwise, and that it wasn’t about the money, and it was showing I cared, etc., etc.,. I don’t really recall what the result of this phone call was, I do remember saying, again, to let me know when he needed help, and he never did.

Another interesting sidenote: my mother spent $1200 of the money my uncle gave me as a grad present for a mac book, because she had spent too much on my grad party, and we wouldn’t be able to make rent, as well as the tuition refund checks my university sends through the mail, that are, yk, supposed to PAY OFF STUDENT LOAN DEBT (Apparently $3000, according to my father.)

Now, I’m well aware that everything so far reads like I am just delusional, entitled zoomer, who doesn’t grasp the idea of consequences, or understand how the real world works, thinking that I don’t owe John for the damage I caused, except I don’t think that. My grandmother says that I don’t owe John anything, as does my father, grandfather (dad’s dad), my aunt, uncle, two cousins, and sister. Every time, I have told them, no, I do, I was driving the car, it was damaged while I was driving it, if he says I owe him, I do.

The reason it had taken so long to start consistently sending John money for the car, was because the first time I did, my mom still owned my account jointly because I was a minor when it was made, that’s how they knew I had around $150, which is why they, understandably, thought $15 was a slap in the face to him, but they also just assumed that I was cheaping out on them, instead of asking me why I gave so little, when I had more, like, I don’t know, for possible upcoming expenses, but I digress. 

The reason why it had taken so long to start sending John the money consistently, was because one week it was “it’s not about the money, it’s about showing you care”, and the next, it was “I’m suing you”, and then back and forth and back and forth, until around November, when he finally plainly said, can you give me money every week, and, because I now had a debit card linked to cash app, that I actually could. In November I started sending John $10 a week for the repair bill, (he sold the Camaro). 

Now, you may be asking, surely there was some other way you could have put in the effort to show you cared about him more than just for his money? Yeah, I wish. His two children, both are on the spectrum. My stepbrother is MRDD, and stepsister has cerebral palsy and autism. Not really important details on their own, but, both John and my mother, rather than discuss adult matters in private, instead, talk about those issues around them, so they’ve picked up on a lot of John’s emotions and follow them blindly. So much so, that my stepsister, believes me to be a psychopath, who hates all of them and is out to get them, and my stepbrother, who wants to punch me, and my father, because John has said he wants to punch my father. I am not allowed up there, because they don’t really know me, and I understand that. You should always protect your kids’ peace first. But if the only way I can show I care is money or labor, and my money is refused, and I’m not given the opportunity to help because I’m never asked?

My sister lives with my father full time, and has since around April or so, since they were apparently spending close to $800 on gas every week bringing her to and from school, so my mother signed over residency to my father. Over the summer, there were times where John would drop off either mine, or my sister’s belongings, and he would bring my stepbrother, who wants to punch me and my father. He had sent out an open invitation for anyone who had a problem with him to come see him and sort it out (in the “come fight me” way, not the civil discussion way). In July, my grandmother took him up on that offer on one of John’s trips to drop off our stuff. John had brought my stepbrother with him, the one who had threatened to assault me and my father, and made him unload all of the stuff, while he sat in the truck doing nothing. When my grandmother approached him, he apparently started getting all huffy, and saying that she (my grandmother) wasn’t a part of that open invitation. John had gotten so huffy, that my stepbrother, 6’1”, came running around the truck, flailing his arms, coming toward my grandmother. 

I later received several texts from John, inviting me to the renovation house to sort things out (again, in the “fight me” way). Saying that my stepbrother broke down crying because my grandmother threatened him, and how my stepbrother was only trying to protect him. And I received several texts after the fact in the coming weeks saying that my grandmother’s threats are weighing on him. That if I had a problem with him, I shouldn’t hide behind my grandmother and grow up. (I was sleeping, and didn’t even know he was coming).

I do feel bad for my stepbrother, he didn’t ask to be put in a situation where the people who are going to be around him know he’s threatening to punch them, and will act accordingly if he comes running at them. Now, my grandmother, not exactly the chillest of people. She called the cops on a kid who my sister knew from elementary school, who moved out of state, and then moved back to our new neighborhood, because he wouldn't give her his last name address, and then called the cops on him, oblivious to the fact she’s now a 60+ year old asking a minor for their last name and address.

When I finally asked my grandmother about it, I asked if she said anything that could even be remotely interpreted as a threat. She said John was getting huffy and puffy, and when my stepbrother came running around the truck toward her, she said she may have put her arm out in front of her and said, “I’ll call the cops, don’t step any closer”, or something along those lines, so, I wouldn’t call that an overreaction, because a 6’1” kid is running at her waving his arms, and then, all of the sudden, it made sense why John never told me what lead up to my grandmother threatening my stepbrother, and just said she threatened him. Because if he said what really happened, he couldn’t construe that as being unreasonable, but if he just leaves it at, “she threatened a kid diagnosed with MRDD”, now that sounds really bad.

In December I got a text from John with a new number, he had asked me if I could start sending $25 a week instead of $10. I said I can manage $25 when I’m on breaks, but it’d have to go back to $10 while school is in session. He said that sounded good. He had asked me if any of this will ever be fixed. I, being done rehashing the same conversation we’ve been having for the past nine months, said, no, and that I didn’t really see a point in having a relationship with one another outside the current arrangement, and that I couldn’t be in one big happy family with someone who threatened to punch my father.

Finally, this had all come to a head on January 8th. For some added context, my two cousins ordered a custom blanket for my grandfather as a Christmas present, with a picture of the four of his biological grandchildren on it, (they have never met my stepsiblings, nor have either of them even seen my step father, and subsequently, have no pictures with six of us). Additionally, on my grandfather’s dresser at the nursing home, there had been a picture of me, my sister, and two cousins, as well as my two stepsiblings. My uncle had put the pictures of my two stepsiblings in a dresser drawer, leaving only mine, my sister, and cousins’ pictures on the top of the dresser. Additionally, sometime in November, my stepdad and mother cut my grandfather off because he likes to tell everyone what everyone else is up to, not even in a gossipy way, just a grandfather way, and they didn’t like that, so now they limit their phone calls and visits, so that is presumably the reason my uncle stuffed their pictures in a drawer (unbothered king).

Here is the text I received from him, and I will just let it speak for itself. My response is in italics. (He calls me advocate because I committed the crime of stepping up to act in the best interest of my sister, apparently overstepping my mother, whom my sister has not seen since April, and has been uninvolved, and stepped down. As if it's an insult.)

“Hey advocate lol. Have a question your mother and grandfather just had words why would u and Maggie and (uncle)'s girls make a blanket for your grandpa for Christmas of just you 4 ? He has 6 grandchildren (stepbrother) and (stepsister) as well. Your mom is pissed like I've never seen and I'm beyond pissed. What do u think is going to happen when we all meet up? Being mad at mom or I I get. But these kids have done nothing. That was just wrong on multiple levels. Then found out one of you put (stepbrother) and (stepsister) pictures he had away off his dresser. Why??? Those kids have done nothing to any of you pieces of shit . Fuck with me all u want but none of you better ever fuck with these kids ever again All of you are pathetic little bitches that dont have the balls to come at me so u fuck with my kids. I repeat all of you need to leave us alone period!!!!!! And my kids !! I won't ask again Just pay me the fucking money you owe and be done It's sad that a year half later u pathetic bitches won't let shit go. Leave us alone!!!!!! You all made 2 kids that had nothing to do with this cry ect. (stepbrother) wants to fight you and the rest of the family. (stepsister) just hates all of u. Why the hell would you all do this to them. Unreal. All they ever wanted (Me) was to be accepted same as me that's it. Instead all any of you have done is made it clear nothing will ever be worked out”

“Oh my fucking god it's a goddamn blanket. (cousin 2) and (cousin 1) got it for him, I had nothing to fucking do with it. What's pathetic is two grown adults throwing a fit over a goddamn blanket and thinking every conceivable thing is a slight and targeted attack against you. I had nothing to do with the blanket. If you have an issue with it, you can take it up with (cousin 2), (cousin 1) and (uncle) or (aunt), but you won't, so you're gonna take it out on me. Because I'll tell you what, neither you nor Mom nor (stepbrother) or (stepsister) were ever involved in them coming up with that idea for a gift. Not a single person thought ""oh you know it would be really funny when they finally visit him, they're gonna see a picture of the four of us on a blanket and they're gonna they're gonna be so mad they're gonna stop their feet and piss their pants and whine like crybabies this is gonna be so funny"". I don't know why everything has to be about you. I didn't do shit to your kids with the blanket, because I wasn't even involved. I didn't even know they were getting them a blanket or what was on it until I fucking saw it. My level of involvement was them asking me if I had a picture of the four of us. Had no idea why the fuck they were asking it. If you care about it that goddamn much you use the pictures from the photoshoot you all did without me and get him a blanket of the six of you.I am giving you your money and leaving you and everyone else the fuck alone. I don't fucking text or contact any of you, until you come to me and start whining about some bullshit thing I had nothing to fucking do with and expect me to act so fucking empathetic because woe is you.”

“Your family actually made your mom dislike all of you bc of the issue when does it stop. Your mom said it stops now that she's done permanently and so am I. Forget the money it's not worth getting next to nothing I'm just done and I believe your mom is . We just want left alone bc it's just not worth it. I hope u do well in life but Im done. Keep the money. I tried to help be there for everyone and got used ect. Lesson learned. You have alot to learn about life (Me). I hope you start getting it together. This will be your mom and I last text.”

Obviously, no one who posts on r/AITA is looking to be told they’re the asshole, and so I’m going to be up front with this. I know that I’ve also been an asshole in this situation. There is a whole lot more that I’ve chosen to leave out for my own mental health, not because it makes me look bad, or better, but I can only look at so many of the text messages I’ve received from my stepfather because of just how vitriolic they are. Let me know if yall have any questions or want more context, I had to shorten down most of this because of the word cap.

My apologies in advance, there's a lot of backstory that has led up to this, and I feel it'd be disingenuous to leave any details out, but I had to cut a lot of it out.","NTA. You made a concerted effort to make good on any damages that resulted from scratching the car. Your mother and Step father (him especially) sound toxic AF. You sound more mature than they do. 

As a 43 year old mom to a 20 year old college Sophomore- yes, it’s good to teach adult children responsibility and taking accountability. I don’t see that as an issue for you here. If anything, your mother isn’t stepping up with either you or your sister.

I can’t imagine just never speaking to one of my children again. -And over petty imagined slights. Part of being an adult means managing our own feelings and communicating clearly. Things your mother and stepfather weren’t doing. I also really don’t like the manipulation “Show you care” stuff. You’re still in the role of a kid. They’re inappropriate for a whole list of reasons.

I hear a young adult over explaining and trying to make sense of some DARVO crap. Please see a mental health counselor that can help you unpack all of these family dynamics. It’ll help you in the long run. 

You deserve better parents.

You deserve to have supportive family, clear expectations, and healthy boundaries."
AITAH for wanting my boyfriend banned from entering my country,"For reference me (F23) and my bf (M23)have been up together for almost a year. Things started out great, we met at a bar and he asked for my number.

he’d pick me up every weekend in my city to take me out to dinner or go do fun things together , eventually it was time for him to go back to his home country after 4 months because he was only working here (on a visitors visa and he was working under the table illegally)  and he asked me to go visit him while he was there.

After i visited him things changed. We began fighting over day over basic things like house work, but it would turn into screaming matches where we would both say horrible things to each other. He’d call me a pig, and i’d call him poor. One day things escalated and he choked me very hard while he was driving drunk in the driver’s seat and i was in the passenger’s.  He continued to slam my head into the glass window repeatedly and opened the door so i would fall out while the car was moving.

from then on it became physical, with him hitting my arms and legs and leaving scratches, after a while i became tired and started fighting back even though it doesn’t do much he’s much stronger then me. Last week i found out he was messaging other women (they didn’t even respond lol) while we were dating and i can’t do it anymore.

i finally have a flight to go back home and i can’t live in fear anymore. i don’t want him here in my country . maybe that’s fucked up but i literally just dont. im emotionally and physically tired. as i stated before, he works illegally on a visitors visa so i could report that, or report the physical abuse he does. I have evidence of everything complied and he openly admits what he does. AITAH?",Protecting yourself is not revenge it is survival and he lost every right to access your life the moment he put his hands on you
AITAH for speaking in a harsh tone,"My partner and I were trying to trim off some mats off my cats bum who is very weird about people touching him in that area. The cat started going mental and so I said let's stop and my boyfriend said no he's just being mardy keep going he's always like this. 

The cat continued to get more worked up and my boyfriend yelled at him to stop it. I told him not to yell at the cat in a firm tone because the cat doesn't know what's going on and is obviously scared. He kept telling me  I said you can be like that when the cat is genuinely just being nasty, but not when it's scared and confused. 

Flash forward a couple of hours and my boyfriend is watching TV with me and not talking to me. I ask what's up and he tells me he's upset with me for speaking to him like that, but in my opinion I feel like I was just setting boundaries and talking in a firm tone. Am I being an asshole? I feel like I didn't use an angry voice, just firm, because he doesn't listen when I speak calmly. He keeps telling me he didn't do anything wrong by yelling at the cat. He also says it doesn't matter if I think he's wrong, if he's upset then that is how he feels.","NTA. Yelling at a confused animal is not only cruel and pointless, it demonstrates immaturity. The pouting afterward shows that he did not even consider why you called him out on his behavior."
WIBTAh If I do not go 50/50 on a hotel room with my parents?,"I'm going to try and keep this as simple as possible. I (31F) recently learn that my mother and I enjoy the same comedian/magician who is going to be doing a show later this year in a city 4 hours away. I asked if she would like to go see her with me. She agreed, and so she and my father are going to the show. We all covered our own tickets, and to save money (none of us is overly wealthy), we naturally decided to share a hotel room. I was originally going to book a cheaper hotel, but my mom said she refused to go too cheap and would rather pay a little more for a little nicer. When I went to calculate the cost, I divided the cost of the hotel by 3. My mom disagreed and said it should be 50/50. When I asked my dad, he was also originally going to divide the cost by 3, but said he would just go with what my mother said. The difference in cost to me is around $30.

I would like to mention, I said I would drive and cover the gas. Also, this is not a hill I would die on. I'm just genuinely curious if my thought process was wrong or not in this situation? Would you think, regarding one's parents, that you should go 50/50 in this situation? I tend to think logically (3 people divided 3 ways), but now I'm wondering if I'm missing the ethical mark here. So WIBTAh for wanting to go 1/3's instead of 50/50?",NTA. Split 3 ways makes the most sense here since it's 3 people in the room.
WIBTAH To want to end a friendship of almost 10 years with a friend?,"So, I have a group of friends consisting of 5 girls (including me) and we have all known each other for almost 10 years. In the last few years one of these (we'll call her Lola) has had a complete change. 

While we're out, she uses her phone ignoring us or completely tunes out any conversation we're having and isolates herself in a corner for no reason. Sometimes if we do something she's not interested in, she comes anyway and then starts grumbling (and sometimes yelling) that she doesn't like the place or that she doesn't feel comfortable and so on. 

In the last couple of years she has had other friendships, but she has forced us to include them in our group. (We are particularly reserved with our group, because we had some bad experiences in the past and therefore we choose very carefully who we add.)

Initially Lola wanted to add a former schoolmate of one of our friends, even though our friend had told her several times that she absolutely did not want to see her again (because she was her ex-bully). But Lola had organized an event inviting us and the ex-bully without telling our friend and then justifying herself by saying that ""we are adults, I thought we would solve things as adults"" 

Another time she wanted to add a complete stranger Insisting a lot(Lola had known this girl for no more than two weeks) until this stranger turned out to be half crazy. 
The latest problem we've had is with a girl who occasionally hangs out with us. Lola has apparently grown fond of this girl, and she is trying her best to bring this girl into the group even though we told her no several times. 

Three weeks ago, the five of us had a dinner, and Lola asked at the last minute if she could invite this friend of hers (we'll call her Mary). And if she had told us beforehand it wouldn't have been a problem, but since it was last minute we said no. Eventually Lola went to tell Mary that we didn't want her and Mary got angry with us, with Lola who had taken her side. 

The other day, we in the group tried to talk to Lola about it, telling her that what she had done had hurt us. But Lola started yelling, saying that it was a conversation we needed to have with Mary present and that she had nothing to do with it. 

This happens every time, when we try to talk to her to address problems she starts yelling or completely ignores things. She did other things (some a little more serious) but I won't say them because otherwise the post will become too long.

I'm tired of trying, and I don't see any initiative from Lola to resolve things... But I'm sorry to lose a friend I've known since I was a teen.... 

Am I the asshole?","People change and grow apart. That's exactly what happened here. Your and Lolas values aren't compatible anymore and you guys clearly prioritize different things.

You showed initiative to save the friendship and to see if it's just a miscommunication, she didn't take it. There's no reason in forcing the friendship with someone who destroys the friend group dynamic constantly.

NTA"
Aitah for being a b*tch?,"So my bf (42) and I (38) have a this friend for about 10 years, good friend for the most part, even a roommate for a while, never really had any big issues with him ever. Untill one night/morning I was sleeping on my couch as I usually do and I wake up to the friend with his hand in my fu*king pants, I'm shocked to say the least so I imagine the look on my face was something of the shocked nature. He looks at me and says ""I'm going to get coffee"" so fucking awkward but obviously mf bf, even tho he's a shitty bf, he'd still be fu*king pissed about that and loose it right then and there and probably kill the friend. I don't want my baby to have her daddy in jail and just being in shock I stupidly didn't say anything..... To anyone. I didn't expect to see him around anytime soon....buy then Sometime in the next few weeks mother fu*kers back. NOT HAPPY but can't get mad at my bf bc well I didn't tell him(which I of course regret) ..... It happens AGAIN twice actually....I wake up to the same thing. Now my brain is naturally REALLY good at blocking shit out I don't want to remember so I don't exactly remember how those times went even tho it was in the last 60 days. So now I don't know how to tell my bf and the friend is almost trying to guilt trip me by these pathetic texts he keeps sending me........

Texts go as followed *copy & pasted*

""Friend"" - Hey I wanted to apologize for that day you woke up and I was standing over touching you I meant to do this way earlier sorry. I was really high and was thinking I was reading your body language and u wanted it like the time before.witch I'm pretty sure u didn't that time. Sorry.it won't happen again..after the first time, I couldn't stop thinking about you I just wanted to make you feel good cuz that does it for me I dream about that and I'm instantly hard.again it won't happen again

Me-You put did it more than once

""Friend"" -Op

""Friend"" -The first time when I stopped and you gave me that look. why the fuck u stopping then I left to the store because Chris was up .I was in heaven another 5 min I probably been in u were so hot and wet it killed me lol

Just writing this is hard literaly.

Me-Aw poor you

""Friend"" -Well at least I got a memory ...mb a pic Togo with it would be the bees knees......lol it won't happen again and I'm sorry I felt really bad and hard
Is that any better or u want me to stay away from U

JAN 4 AT 10:56 P.M.

""Friend"" -Ok I will

""Friend"" - I guess we're not friends anymore

""Friend"" -It's all good I'll avoid u sorry it. Went that way



 So people please tell me AITAH for being rude and yeah.... A b*tch to so called ""friend""","this was hard to read icl

nta??"
AITAH for going no contact with my father?,"I (19F) am a full time college student. My father (61 M) has been mostly not present in my life. He left our family when I was 6 or 7 months old and has been distant since. We would mostly only speak on the phone once in a while. Fast forward to me about to graduate high school, he started coming back around a little more.

After talking with my mom I decided to invite him to my graduation. We had a great time and spent some time together. Afterwards he came to me and expressed his regret on not being fully present in my life until now and offered to help pay for my college education. Being from a low income household, his help was definitely appreciated. 

Due to not being able to pay off my Tuition in full at one time, we set up a monthly payment plan with my university. At first, everything was going smoothly, payments on time and everything. Then little by little he started being late with payments. Until it got to the point where the university would call/email about missing payments and warnings on bans from registering from any future classes because of missing payments. 

During this time I’ve called my father multiple times and expressed to him the seriousness of this matter. I explained to him that if we’re unable to pay I would be forced to drop out of college. Every time I called him he kept telling me that his boss was not paying him on time and how he was behind 3 months on rent but he’ll send the money when he can. Even though I was worried about it, there’s nothing that I can do. 

A couple weeks later I received an email from my college saying that due to no payments being received, they have cancelled my payment plan and I would need to pay the rest of the money (around $3000) at once or I’ll be unable to register for next semester’s classes. 

I took a screenshot of the email and sent it to my father and then I called him a couple hours later to speak to him about it. During the call he kept joking and laughing about it then he asked “so what are you going to do about that?” I immediately got irritated and I said to him “I have no money I can’t do anything. You’re the one who’s supposed to send the money” then he started getting angry at me and called me disrespectful and then hung the phone up in my face. 

I went to my mom and told her about what happened. So she called him to speak to him about it. He then told her that I’m too disrespectful and he’s done sending me money. That I’m an adult now and I have to fend for myself and that he’s done with us. 

After a couple days went by he called my mom and said he’d think about sending money if I called and apologized to him. However I refused to do that because I haven’t done anything wrong neither was I disrespectful to him and haven’t spoken to him since. 

So Reddit AITAH?


",NTA but at least you learned that it isn't a good idea to rely on someone who has spent your whole life showing you that they are unreliable.
AITAH for not backing my sister up in an argument?,"My sister(26) is pregnant. She, being a massive football fan, wants to name her son Ronaldo. My BIL opposes this though, saying ‘What if he grows up and doesn’t like or is bad at football?’

That’s why my sister asked me(20) to back her up. Now I actually see my BIL’s point first hand. My dad’s as big a football fan as my sister. He named me Bergkamp, which raised some heads back at school when I was a kid. Highly unusual since I am an Asian who looks Asian.

So I didn’t side with my sister and instead stayed out of it. She got very annoyed at me for this and said my BIL is being silly and I should have backed her up.","Bergkamp 😂😂😂 you poor sod ahah. Why didn’t he call you Dennis atleast…. 

Yeah, you’re right. She’s nuts, but would she compromise? If your sister likes CR7 would they agree to something like Cristinano or Christian or even Chris?"
I just broke up with my boyfriend and I don’t know if it was valid AITAH?,Hi I’ll just start the text off by saying that my ex and I are pretty young and it is both of our first relationships. So I broke up with my boyfriend 3 days ago and we dated for 13 months. I broke up with him because I didn’t feel appreciated. My ex went to this camp 7 months ago and when he came back he seemed really different like he used to compliment me all the time and the day we picked him up from camp (I hadn’t seen or spoken to him for a month bc of the camp rules) I spent about 2 hours getting ready and I was really excited to see him and he just brushed me off and I looked at him for 30 mins straight and waited for him to call me beautiful but he didn’t even look at me and ignored me. And for a few weeks after that I would try and cuddle and kiss him and he would just tell me to “chill” that’s where my problems with his behaviour started. Then things kind of got better but he stopped paying attention to me and on homecoming he texted me and asked if he could drop me off early around 7pm so he could go to a party with his friends and when I asked him to go he shut me down and said no. And we had an in depth talk about how I felt and he ended up spending it with me. Then on Halloween he asked to not hangout and go to a party with his friends and then we had an in depth talk about how I felt about that aswell and I thought it was the end of that but no. On new years he didn’t want to spend it with me and wanted to go to a party with his friends and ditch me. These parties he didn’t know anyone there and he didn’t drink and they were all 30 mins away idk if that was weird…. But anyway then we would hangout and he would not pay any attention to me and I would have to beg him to get off his phone but he wouldn’t. Those are the main reasons. But I had talked to him about what my needs and wants are and we talked about his but he never followed though with when he said “oh I’ll get u flowers and spend important moments with you and get off my phone when I’m with you” I had just thought mabye he wasn’t interested in me but when I broke up with him he cried from 8:00 pm Friday then all day Saturday and Sunday. And he told me he will change and everything but I don’t know if I should give him a second chance. I mean there were other small things that bothered me but right now I really need like other people’s opinions. Thank u. I don’t know if I posted it to the right community but I just need help. And the honest truth. ,NTA - perfectly valid to break up with someone who doesn’t want to be around you! Period. End of story. You deserve better!
AITAH for reporting a shop to Trading Standards,"In the UK, you have to be 16 to purchase energy drinks. 

When I was putting something in the recycling, I saw an energy drink can in there and asked my 14 year old daughter if it was hers. She said it was, and she wanted to see what the fuss was about but didn't like it and it made her feel ""weird"" and ""jittery."" She said she'd bought it on the way home from school last week, and a lot of her friends drink them. She named the shop in question, and we had a conversation about why the limit is 16, and why she felt weird and jittery from it. 

Today, I made an online report to Trading Standards during my lunch break. She was in school uniform at the time, and the school is ages 11-16 so only the oldest students are able to buy the drinks, something the staff in the shop should know as that is the age of all secondary schools in the UK so a child in uniform would be 16 at the oldest with limited exceptions (the exception being 6th Form and there are none in the area.) As such, I think the shop should be asking for ID and refusing the sale to underage students / people which is clearly not happening. 

My colleague saw what I was doing, asked about it so I explained. She said her child, also under 16, regularly drinks energy drinks and she doesn't see the big deal and thinks the age 16 limit is ""ridiculous."" I said that even if she thinks that, it is the age limit and the shop should be enforcing it, and not selling something to someone who is underage. This lead to an argument and now I am being labeled the AH for reporting a shop who is selling to underage children. AITAH? ","That much caffeine can be harmful to a young person.

Did we not learn anything from Jesse's experience in that *Saved by the Bell* episode?  NTA"
AITAH for asking my Mom if she loves my sisters more than me? I hope if I am people don't be so harsh on me because I am really not in a great mood right now and another post yesterday encouraged me to post this.,"So my family is me (18M), my 3 sisters (18F, 16F, 17F) and our mom (39F) and our dad ( 41M) we are pretty close family we all hang out whenever and with whoever and my mom and dad treats as all equally, hang out with all of us and spends time with us even more than my dad cuz most of the time he is busy at work more than mom. So we get more quality of time with mom. 

My gives us same level of affection and time, hugs, kisses, pet names, hang outs, emotional support, everything she is a great mom and we do everything together and she ( as any mom should from my understanding ) loves all equally and treats us equally like I said. She never made any of us feel less, I am very close to my sisters too. Three of them are just the best they know every secret of mine and they give me advices with my gf (idk if that's great or horrifying lmao).

So the thing is we are all 4 in same school, and my mom drives us to it, and 2 weeks ago when she dropped us, she always hugs us before we leave, when I entered 4 girls told me that they saw us in the morning and told me ( you are lucky that your mom loves you while you LITERALLY have 3 sisters ) I was confused and asked them what does that even mean, and they told me ( Moms usually loves daughters way way way WAY more than sons, that bond is way stronger than YOUR bond as a son with her not equal at all most of the time ask us we are 4 daughters of our parents, sons bond is overrated and not even strong maybe the weakest bond we know in families).

After that when mom came to pick us from school I didn't say anything to my mom or my sisters, I just went home to my room upstairs and kept searching Ai and some stupid psychological studies about MOM loving daughters more because of some brain shit and stuff that I really didn't understand nor did I thought had anything to do with real life families or moms those studies I don't usually trust or believe in and some weird ass outdates rules about gender and of course you know what happens when you spiral and overthink some stupid take someone said to you.

 I literally spent this weekend searching if I am worthy enough of my mom's love like my sisters and searching for reassurance (that I got ) THAT son bond with mom is just as strong and there is no ""by default"" favoritism and that those takes are stupid but OF COURSE i kept spiraling because I am an overthinker.

So my mom and sisters and dad been noticing my weird behavior this week and yesterday I went out of my room and mom dad and my sisters were downstairs and I just went and spontaneously asked my mom IF she loves my sisters more than me and if our bond as mom-son ain't as strong as mom-daughter. I bit on my life I could see my mom's face drain of color and my sisters were so sad and dad was like ( WHOA what's going on here ), Mom just cried and hugged me telling me screaming ( BULLSHIT, WHO TOLD YOU THAT, WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THIS IDEA) and sisters were like (WTF ARE YOU EVEN SAYING THAT IS WRONG ). Mom then asked me if she did something that hurt me or made me feel like that and I stiffed and panickily told her OF COURSE NOT!!. Dad asked me to remember my mom loves us all equally, and the day continued normally but I feel SO BAD for making mom feel like she did something wrong while I am the insecure overthinker. AITAH?","NAH but you need to tell your family exactly what happened. Maybe show them this post, just be honest and open with them. They know you overthink. This was a mistake that hurt someone you love, but they love you and just wanna know what’s going on. Talk to your mom about it honestly."
AITAH for losing my mind at my husband this morning because of his alarm?,"I (30f) have been married to my husband (29M) for 6 years, together to 10. No kids. I’m a very light sleeper and have issues with insomnia. I need an entire system of fans to keep me asleep at night. If my husband snores or moves too much, I wake up. He’s been very accommodating by trying to minimize movement, wear headphones to bed, etc (he needs a tv show to fall asleep and also works on-call, so he can’t silence his phone at night). 

My husband is a very heavy sleeper and in the 10 years I’ve known him, has never woken up to his first alarm. He will snooze it or let it run for hours without waking up. He has a shock watch that he doesn’t use much, but has worked very well for him in the past. 

I usually wake up between 6:30/7 am, and my husband sleeps until around 7:30 or 8 so his alarms aren’t an issue most of the time. I have asked him not to set alarms on the weekends because I need to catch up on sleep here and there if I have a bad bout of insomnia. It’s well known in our family that I struggle to fall back asleep after being woken up, especially early in the morning. 

We have a dog who sleeps on his bed in our room. If I’m not up by 7, the dog will come over to my side of the bed and “tap-dance” until I wake up to take him out and feed him. So that’s usually my alarm - I barely need to set an actual alarm anymore. Unofficially, the morning routine with the dog has become my responsibility no matter how little sleep I get. So I pretty much never get to sleep in. If I don’t get up, the dog isn’t fed or taken potty. 

I have had a horrible time sleeping for the last three days and I think I’ve averaged about 2-3 hours each nights. So I’m exhausted. 

Last night, I asked my husband if he could occasionally get up with the dog when I’ve had a couple of days of insomnia. I asked specially if he could get up with the dog today since I really need to catch up on sleep, and he agreed. I took a sleeping pill before bed to help me stay a little groggy in the morning so I could hopefully stay asleep when he would get up in the morning.  

6:30am rolls around and an alarm goes off. It’s my husbands. I wake him up and ask him to turn it off. He snoozed it and went back to bed. I start to doze off again. 10 minutes later, it goes off again. The dog gets up. I am fully awake now and again, wake my husband up to ask him to turn off his f*cking alarm. He snoozes it and goes back to sleep. 

So a disoriented and upset me, still exhausted, gets up and takes the dog out. He comes downstairs 10 minutes later and I’m still upset. The dog would have at least let me sleep until 7. He woke me up even earlier by not getting up to his alarm. So I’m upset and yelling at him. 

From my perspective, he knows that multiple alarms in the morning will absolutely prevent me from falling back asleep. He agreed to take the dog out. I assumed he’d use the shock watch, not an audible alarm. Furthermore , I don’t know why he set it for 6:30 when he NEVER gets up that early and is pretty much incapable of doing so. 

I feel bad for yelling at him because technically he was doing something nice for me. Though I also don’t feel bad because I’m just asking for a little sleep, which really shouldn’t be asking too much. AITAH?






 



","Separate bedrooms may be helpful, if you can swing it."
AITAH for keeping the things I bought for my friend after kicking her out?,"For purposes well call her Bailey
My friend (f22) Bailey was living with us during a rough time. During this time, my bf and I gave her very cheap rent and even put that rent for a few months towards getting a bed for her room and when I had a reward with my phone service for a free phone as long as it kept service for 2 years I offered it to her, she just had to pay her part of the phone bill. Well long story short Bailey ended up going off on me one night towards the end of the lease calling me a bad friend and saying I was jealous of her because I wanted to do the same stuff as her. Im a twin, so doing the same thing with my friend just felt normal I didnt know it made me a jealous friend who copied her... So I did tell her to move out, we help take Bailey to her families house and everything she owned. Didn't even expect rent for that month from her because I was so over it all. But I DID keep the bed and the phone. I did plan on giving Bailey the bed originally, but she was blowing up our phones, and calling me all sorts of names and since I paid for it with the rent money she gave us and had the reciept, I felt it only right. I actually have a text message of bailey saying 'she guesses I can keep it too'. I kept the phone because it still had well over a year on the plan and I didnt want to let her have it while I pay it off? I gave her the old phone she had though and I offered for her to pay off the phone and she can take it and she did agree on that! But she never paid it and then continued to blow up our phones, talked about me on Facebook(posting pictures of me saying im jealous and stole from her) and sending messages to my friends and family telling them I stole her stuff!
So AITAH for keeping the stuff I paid for?","NTA this woman is blind to what you did for her, these people only see negatives"
AITAh for wanting my ex to get my name tattooed before we get back together?,"F22 dated M24 for 2 years. He struggled with mental health and he warned me about it before we started dating. Neither of us listening to the warning because feelings were so strong at the beginning. He constantly accused me of cheating on him, asked me to see my phone and when i stopped letting him see my messages he would check my screen time. He checked my phone a few times while I was sleeping at his. He watched porn (which I consider cheating and I told him this at the start of our relationship). He said he only did it a few times (just assume this part is true). 

He suggested we break up about 1.5 yrs into the relationship because he can’t stop hurting me. Even after going to therapy for a few month consecutively. He just kept getting triggered (his mental health issues was related to me always cheating on him even though I gave him nothing to make him think that). For example when we go to a bar he gets triggered when I look at another guy for too long. Which sounds like insecurity but I definitely think it ran deeper than that. When I found out about the porn thing I left him and we didn’t speak for months. 

Fast forward and he messaged me and called me crying saying he wants me back and he’s changed. He said he’d do anything and he suggested the tattoo. When I agreed to it he changed his mind about the tattoo. The reason I said yes is because it puts us both in a position where we’re vulnerable - him because he has a tattoo of my name and me because I’m getting back together with him. For me it would be a symbol of his commitment to working on himself and a means for me to initially trust him before he rebuilds the rest of the trust with proof of his new “behaviour”. The tattoo is in no way meant to repair anything and I did tell him that if we genuinely didn’t work out I would help him pay to get it removed. I said i wouldn’t use it against him or threaten him with it and I gave him a list of my boundaries and things that would lead to me breaking up with him. (They’re all reasonable and healthy) I encouraged him to also give me a list of his boundaries which he hasn’t yet. 

This is going to sound absurd I know, but am I the asshole for wanting him to get the tattoo if he wants me back so badly and claims there’s no one else out there. Like if I am so important to him why not just do it? If his life will be so miserable without me why not just get the tattoo? (I also said he could pick the location and size). Idk if i’m being crazy or not for wanting him to get it as a reparation symbol? ",Just stay broken up
AITAH for showing the partner of the guy who f’;d my girlfriend the transcript of how she described everything that happened!,"So this happened recently, ide been away on business, and such, I can’t really access socials etc when I’m away. But we all know our So’s right?.. when something isn’t right.

So I knew she’d fucked another guy, I had it narrowed to two from a her FB posts, after some interrogation to her about it, she come clean and started describing what happened. After further investigation, I found the lad had a girlfriend of 8 years, so, naturally I shared what me and my girlfriend had discussed.. warned her about her cheating toe rag boyfriend.

Belittle to me, she a fucking lawyer of sorts and proceeded to call me a liar and I AI generated these conversations. Then threatened legal action?

Sucks to be the decent one I guess.

So, my SO is of no more, but now I’m left feeling like doing the right thing just made everything shitter than it was learning SO had someone else inside her while on business.. (the movies sometimes get it right).

Is this just defensive denial from the other victim or AITAH for spilling the beans and outing everyone involved?

Edit: just some spelling mistakes","NTA - It's obviously defensive denial.  Eventually she will find out that you were truthful, and most likely in a far more painful manner."
AITAH For going no contact?,"I recently filed and was issued a restraining order against my father. He is the definition of a narcissist, but he also suffers from BPD. During childhood there was a lot of abuse, verbal and emotional mostly. He also allowed a family member to SA me for many years. He knew it was happening, but he never did anything to stop it. Recently the abuse got physical, so my boyfriend, my daughter and I moved out and didn't want to tell him where we moved for our safety. He has threatened us with everything under the sun, get a restraining order against US (we never did anything to him, he is manipulative and trying to work the system), he tried to assault me before we left, and even recording private moments in my bedroom. We learned that we wouldn't be safe in his home, so we made the decision to move out and completely cut contact. He was relentlessly trying to find our new address, he even attempted to kidnap my daughter once. Because of his expert level manipulation, he has convinced a lot of the family that I attacked him, that I was abusive to him when I was growing up, and so much slander it honestly makes me question his sanity. All the while, continually harassing us, even threatening to sue for grandparents rights for my daughter. (She is 13 and wants nothing to do with him, but he won't accept it) He believes I have lied to everyone and am abusing my daughter to keep her away from him. He has even said my boyfriend physically abuses her, but we have cameras all over our house, the proof is on camera. 
After years of abuse, I filed for a restraining order to protect my daughter and I. It was served recently to him, and I feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders. He continues to say that I abuse my daughter, and is still trying to convince our family that I am the one in the wrong. I just want peace in our lives, but he says I am damaging my daughters life by cutting him out of it.  The restraining order includes my daughter, so he is effectively cut out of our lives. My family is stuck in the middle, his brothers know his history of abuse, as he inflicted it on them growing up. 

AITAH for cutting contact with him, and cutting contact with the family members that have taken his side? ",Rarely are children who cut off their parents the AH
AITAH for going to my best friends mom about her relationship,"I recently visited my best friend in another state. She’s in a toxic and abusive relationship. While I was there her boyfriend gave her the ultimatum that it was either me or him. She chose him. I was extremely worried about her so I talked to her mom about it. She doesn’t have the best relationship with her mom as they’ve had some issues and a lot of the more recent issues have stemmed from her mom not liking the boyfriend. He doesn’t work and she’s barely scraping by as is without his help. She mention to me that he had laid his hands on her. I live states away and so I went to her mom as that was the only route I felt I could go. She’s now messaging me about it and she’s extremely mad that I even mentioned it to her mom and she said “you should’ve talked to me about it not my mom” I told her “I felt like I couldn’t because you wouldn’t have listened to anything I said. He already made you choose between me and him I was worried about you because I care about you. I couldn’t be there like I had been when I lived in *insert state* I’m scared that one day I’ll get the call that you’re dead.” She’s messaging me from his phone so I know he’ll see what I had to say. I didn’t realize it was his phone until she told me as I dont have his number. Now I’m even more worried that this will also make things worse. I’m bawling to my little sister and she’s trying her best to console me but it’s not working. 

My friend says she now has no trust in me (which I understand) but she also says she has no respect for me. She said she wants nothing to do with me and it’s absolutely shattering my heart. 

AITAH for talking to her mom about it?",https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/s/2iUHnDrtFf
AITAH because I am over my husbands negativity?,"long story short- My hubs complaining and negativity is starting to affect me.

I love my hubs. He is loyal, treats me well mostly (we will get into the not so much stuff), and honestly provides a good life for us. I am grateful for him. This is the man I see myself having children with and really making a life out of us.

Lately though, his stress and anxiety are so high it is like he is a different person. He constantly complains about his life. His job, finances, how tired he is all the time, and how much he wishes he could pursue his dream job (sports involved, takes a lot of time and money and generally just luck with who you know type of thing). He says all he does is work, come home, eat, and sleep. For the last several years I have tried to be supportive and understanding how a good wife should be. I make sure he comes home to hot meal, a clean home, and I always give him a lot of praise for how hard he works and how much I appreciate him. He even gets lots of appreciation in the bedroom if ya know what I mean! We truly don't argue much. I give him space to do his hobbies after work to unwind without bothering him (he loves to play on his PS5 and I never, and I PROMISE never, say anything about how much he plays. If it helps him unwind, then I support it, I don't monitor his every move, I honestly never ask him for anything.. and now I realize it is because I am the emotional anchor in this relationship. If I am having a bad day, or I need something, I don't even bring it up because it will just annoy him as something else added to his plate. Like one time my car broke down and I called him for help but he was busy working on a project he is building so he got annoyed and started accusing me of not paying attention to my gauges. Turns out it was an issue that was out of my control and it was not my fault at all. Just a thing that happens. I was met with irritability instead of concern. Never got an apology or anything.

He was treated for depression last year. Began meds.. stopped taking them after a month. Said they weren't working. He has a lab order for blood work and doesnt take time to go get it done to check on his test levels (he is constantly tired, doesn't sleep well, and struggles to be intimate). I am very aware that male depression can manifest as anger--and I feel that is the issue. Or even BPD (grew up with a BPD mom). His mood constantly changes and if he is mad about something the whole house vibe is bad...

There is never a day he is not angry about something. Angry from work, angry about his car, angry about money, angry that he can't buy this or that, complains about needing to work out but is always too tired to, angry that the house has a maintenance expense (water tank replacement etc..). I understand being annoyed and things suck sometimes, but it is every..single..day. My issue isn't how heavy life is.. its the lack of accountability and attempt to make things better. He does NOTHING to change his situations. No actions. His family and I will offer him options for new jobs and he always has an excuse why they wouldn't work. I go to the gym 3x week and every time I ask if he wants to come with me but he would rather jump on his PS5 instead for hours. Again.. choices! He says he is exhausted but stays up late playing games or if we go to bed he will scroll on his phone for an hour until midnight and then wakes up at 5am. He gets mad if I suggest going to bed earlier saying if he did that then he wouldn't do anything but work, eat and sleep. On the weekends he will stay in bed until 12pm/1pm and gets irritated when I get up before him and says things like ""guess you didn't want to cuddle with me"".. when all I wanted to do was get out of bed and start my day. Then he said he has barely any energy or motivation to get up out of bed. Said he would stay in bed all day if he could. He keeps the status quo of complaining instead of making changes. It is like he enjoys being victim. And if I don't cater to make him feel better- ie chase him down when he storms through the house, or not giving him the response he is looking for when he asks something, or just being HAPPY while doing something for ME (reading my book, tending to my garden) while he is in a bad mood then redirects his frustation to me and he says shitty little comments like ""it's clear you don't give a crap"" or ""do whatever you want I will just do me"" when I am trying EVERY day to make him feel supported and appreciated. Sometimes he says things like ""Man wouldn't that be the life, getting to play this sport and living in a big house, traveling all the time.."" and it is hurtful because I value the life we have and the one we're trying to build together. We have a beautiful home, steady jobs, multiple cars, a little pocket change for a trip once a year.. not saying we are filthy rich but were doing alright in this economy. We have each other. Life is good to me and I am grateful for each morning I wake up, always seems not good enough to him though.

So AITAH if I maintain my happy demeanor and focus on me when he is in a mood instead stooping to the low vibration he is in and dropping everything to cater to make him feel better?","He enjoys being a martyr. He doesn't want suggestions or solutions, he just wants sympathy. I've know people like that. Always negative, always complaining, always wanting sympathy for the situation. I don't socialize with those people anymore.

Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? He won't change, he loves the attention he receives from complaining. He loves controlling the conversation, he complains, you respond. Repeated ad nauseam. Making you react to what he says is his favorite hobby."
AITAH FOR NOT HELPING MOM,"Ok guys so lest start this off by saying this is a long story but here we go. My mother let's call her pam (F53) just recently told my siblings m26, f31, and me f33 that her boyfriend of 22 years told her their relationship of 22 years is over, and he has been cheating on her for over a year. Keep in mind pam is on disability and lives off the system even though she claims to hate people that do. Also please keep in mind that pam is on disability for having dyslexia and not being able to read. (not that isnt a disability but im just stating for the story). 

 

Pam has only worked maybe a total of two months in her entire adult life. Our father left pam when we were 15,13, and 6. not even two months after our father left she moved in her new boyfriend (the man she was with for 22 years). Our mother was super abusive not only physically but mentally and financially as well. There are plenty of examples but here is just a few 

* When i was 16 she was screaming at my baby brother who was at the time 7 and when i say screaming i mean bloody murder screaming because he had spilled a drink on the floor (keep in mind i had already cleaned it up) and broke a glass cup. I stepped in the way when pam went to hit him, so she proceeded to smash my face into a fridge knocking me out. When i woke up i was in a hospital bed about to be moved to a child psychiatric unit. When i asked why i was told it was because my mother had told the police officers (that she called) were told that i had tried to attack pam and i was being put on a hold. I was worried about my siblings and told the nurses and my siblings weren't safe they didn't listen to me (apparently pam is a convincing liar) pam left me in the ward for 6 months. Only seeing me one time where at that point she spit in my drink and didn't tell me and let me drink it. So, i yelled and all she said was see she's mentally unstable i told you and laughed with her friend that was visiting with her. The only reason i got out of the hospital was because my paternal grandmother came to get me and took custody of me. 
* On my sister's 18^(th) birthday, she told her that she had to get out of her house since my father was no longer going to be paying child support for her. When my sister was like well where am i supposed to go my mom told her there are beds at homeless shelters and she needed to figure it out because she wasn't responsible to take care of her anymore (i took her in no hesitation and made her go to trade school and paid for her and her schooling) 
* My baby brother is a sadder story so trigger warning. My brother was left to take care of himself. He was sa’ed by multiple people under my mother's care including her boyfriend's son. My brother started working at the age of 16 and had to pay most of his paychecks to “rent” so my brother wasn't able to get out of her house until he was over the age of 21 because she blead him dry. Leaving him to not be able to eat cause he couldn't touch “her food” keep in mind he couldn't get government assistance because she had him on her case load and didn't buy him any food 

 

So now I flash forward to now. She is about to be homeless. She has nowhere to because the house her and her boyfriend just bought is only in his name and no bills are in her name. She has no car or anything. She expects me and my siblings to move her to one of the states we live in (me and my sister move over 800 miles away to restart our lives away from family toxicness) and my brother lives over 40 miles away from her. None of us blocked her on social media or anything we just haven't talked to her in years. 

 

Out of nowhere she is trying to talk with us every day if not multiple times a day. Saying it is our “job” as her children is to take care of her. My sister ignores her for a while then blocks her because she doesn't want to deal with it. My brother finally goes off on her saying how she was never there and how she let multiple people hurt him and literally drain him of everything he had then he blocked her to. Then there was me i delt with it for a while and tried to talk to her and calm her down with everything because i felt guilty. That is till today when she yelled at me to buy my children's clothes and not send her the money so she can move. then she yelled at my 8 year old (who has autism) for having a crying fit due to being over stimulated and told my 8 year old “you wait till i get down there you cry like that in front of me and I'm gonna pop you in the mouth till you stop” that was my final straw and i blocked her. 

 

Please keep in mind all of us worked our butts from the age of 16 and she took everything we made and took all my dad's child support and Christmas money he sent while collecting disability. My siblings and i grew up with clothes we got from our friends and our friends' parents. She never bought us any. We were only allowed to eat one meal a day which was normally her boyfriend and his kid's leftovers even during the summers (now i don't know if that changed after i left but i doubt it. All three of us were in one bedroom while his children all had their own rooms (like i said he moved into our home they stuck us all together in the smallest room so they could fit his kids in their own rooms) 

 

Are we the aholes for blocking her and refusing to help her in her time of need? I don't know why i feel bad when she wouldn't do the same for me. But i need your opinion aita? ","Your mom sounds like a textbook dumpster fire who wants you to clean up her mess.

She is an adult (F53) and her terrible 22-year relationship is over because she was cheated on. That is not your problem to fix. She weaponized her history before you even asked.

What you need to do is block her number and focus on your own life. Tell your siblings to do the same. NTAH."
AITAH for not giving my dad a kiss?,"I (16F) am not a very physically affectionate person with my family, that is a well known fact with them. I don’t really give hugs or kisses, at most, I give side hugs when asked for (I will give real hugs when the moment is very emotional and calls for it) and fist bumps in between rounds of Super Smash Bros.

About a day ago, I was relaxing on the couch on my phone at around 10 in the morning like I usually do on weekends. My dad came inside from the garage, greeted my little brother and I, then sat beside me and asked for a hug. I sat up, scooted over, and gave him a side hug like usual without any sort of protest. After pulling away, my dad asks, “can I get a kiss?” I didn’t say anything for a few seconds, pausing with confusion and a bit of discomfort. I hesitated before responding with “no.” I didn’t say it in a mean way, (at least I don’t think I did? My parents say I give them attitude when I just talk normally so idk💔) I just genuinely didn’t want to. My dad then frowned. I felt bad so I said “I mean, I can give you a kiss, it’s just that I haven’t given anyone a kiss in literal years so it’d be kinda weird for me.” My dad then got up and I grabbed his sleeve, trying to pull him back over. He said “no, that hurt” and walked away. I kept trying to explain myself, saying that I’d give him a kiss if I genuinely made him upset and that I was just a bit uncomfortable with the request, but he ignored me and left to the garage again. For the rest of the day, we didn’t speak. That night after dinner, before I headed upstairs I said goodnight to him and my mom. Usually when I say goodnight he responds with “goodnight, love you.” That night, he didn’t respond to me at all. I know this could be because he didn’t hear me, but I deliberately spoke louder than usual to ensure he DID hear me and my mom (who was sitting right beside him) responded to me. This morning when I was in the kitchen getting ready for school and eating breakfast, he didn’t say a word to me. When my dad drops me off at school, he usually says “bye, i love you” and some variant of sending-off words. When I was leaving the house today, I said bye to him and he only responded with a bye. Maybe that sounds dramatic, but his tone indicated that he was angry with me. He’s also a very talkative person, he’ll yap to me no matter what my responses are. We rarely see each other on weekdays due to our schedules, so he uses the short time we have together in the morning before dropping me off at school to talk, when he’s quiet it’s very obvious that he’s upset.

This is probably very trivial, but I feel kinda bad. I didn’t want to kiss him because at a certain age it feels uncomfortable for a teenager to be physically affectionate with their family. Also, my family has never really been physically affectionate anyway. It’s not a thing of me being uncomfortable with being physically affectionate with my dad specifically, I don’t remember the last time I hugged/kissed my mom or my brothers either. The last time I kissed my dad was when I was in elementary school. Even when I was a little kid, I remember not liking it when my family members kissed me at all, physically trying to push them off of me with my little kid hands. I wasn’t trying to be mean, I was just setting the boundary that I did not want to kiss him because it’s been years since I have, I’m 16, and it’d feel really uncomfortable for me. I don’t know. Am I the asshole?","nta at all! stick to your stance if it makes you uncomfortable.

you don't owe anyone a kiss."
AITAH for being ungrateful for what my bf is doing for me during my extended hospital stay including not being able to fully cover my portion of rent,"Im sorry if this is long - I have no idea how to tell stories without writing a novel. (My toxic trait) I (27 f) live with my boyfriend (28m)- let’s call him Josh. In June of last year (2025) i started having a serious medical problem. I don’t want to get into it and frankly, it’s way too much to type.  

At first (June,July, Aug) I was staying afloat because I work a union government job with good benefits, vacation, sick days ect. I was still working during this period but was constantly calling in sick using ALL my sick time. By September I ended up in hospital and had emergency surgery. The day of my surgery in September was the last sick day I had left. 

I know it’s kinda my fault I didn’t apply for ei right away… but in my defence after my first surgery, it didn’t work and I needed a second surgery within a week. During this time I was hopped up on pain killers, depressed and honestly feeling hopeless as I wasn’t getting better. Eventually I started the process for medical ei. By the time I got the paperwork and doctors notes together I ended up needing a third emergency surgery. 

I was WRECKED 

After the third surgery i honestly had no energy and stayed in bed almost 24/7. During this time my family was keeping me afloat. For context- my portion of rent is $800. 

July I was 100$ short. August I paid in full. September I was not able to pay AT ALL. October I was 100$ short. November my ei finally came in and I was able to pay in full, bringing the grand total my partner had to cover for me up too ::::: $1000.
I was also able to catch up on all my bills and pay my family back for floating me

During that time my partner was having to come up with my portion of rent I was short on. It came with complaints and hostility the entire time. Josh- would say things like ‘I can’t eat this week because of having to pay your rent.’ ‘I’m getting bitched at because you’re short on rent’ (we have roomates) Josh would also say he can’t visit me in the hospital because it costs too much money in gas to come see me. 

Honestly it hurt me so much. I know money is tight for him but Josh was still buying games on the Xbox, going out with friends, eating out and would constantly use gas to drive to friends/family members multiple times a week the SAME distance in gas it would be to come see me. 

One day i had asked for a ride to cancel my insurance on my car. Josh said no at first but eventually agreed as i said he was really letting me down as a ‘partner’

It was pointless i had been paying for it when I’m not allowed to drive and again Josh said ‘because I’m taking you I can’t eat this week so thanks’ and I ended up finding out the day before he bought a game on Xbox for 55$ CAD. 

I was hurt and frankly fing angry. 

How are you able to say you love me and blame me (over blaming spending on video games) for you not being able to eat (ps not true our house has food) 

December comes - I had money left over from the ei back pay and was able to pay in full. 

Well now it’s January. He hasn’t come to visit me one time in these two weeks. I have gotten a ride to our place once to see him only. So I’ve seen him once in two weeks…

This month was bad I could only come up with $580 for rent- my ei has been cut off as it’s max 26 weeks of pay. Again I was belittled for it and i got told how difficult I’m making Josh’s life being short on rent, how he has to go without to cover me ect…

I found out he has spent 140$ on the (devils lettuce) this month alone already. I am at my wits end that he has money to visit friends and family, buy games, buy (that lettuce), the fact he guilts me about being short on rent but he dosent have 25$ for gas to come see me and make me feel like I’m worth something…..

When I have brought up how much it hurts me, how lonely I am, how depressing it is without him coming to see me I feel like I get totally gas lit. Josh brings up the fact he has to cover my portion of rent. He brings up that he sent me 400$ one time, 60$ another time and a few times 10$-20$ for snacks and food. 

Josh brings up the fact he’s had to buy my rabbits veggies every week (15$) a week. Brings up how much money he’s spent on gas coming to see me. At first I just let it go and said ok maybe Josh is right. I should be thankful/grateful he’s taking care of my 5 animals and has covered me when I’m short. 

So I’ve been patient and understanding about him never coming to visit all of January but ya girl is lonely so…..yesterday I asked him to come visit me considering he hasn’t been at  the hospital since new years and he said he can’t come see me for another week. 

Here’s a little backstory. 
I had been making more money then Josh as 3 years ago he decided to start a company and they (Josh and his 2 partners) pay themselves a tiny salary twice a month. 

For the last 3 years I had covered 80% of our expenses like groceries, toiletries, grabbing food out, date nights. 
100% of the following- Car repairs, gas, insurance, anything to do with our pets (we also share two cats besides my 5 exotics) 

I also have bought him basically anything he’s needed. AirPods. Apple Watch. Custom Air Force’s. Expensive underware. Slippers. Gaming chair and monitor. Motorcycle. Clothes. Vacations. Car parts. Probably more but I can’t remember everything over 3 years. 

My love language is giving gifts so atleast once a month I would throw together a random care package with items, goodies and a love letter. 

Also, for 1.4 years I paid 75$ of his rent every month. I’m not trying to brag or flex or shove around I paid for all this stuff. I did this because I loved him and wanted to see his company succeed. He never does things like that for me, no gifts , no flowers, no surprises. 

I always excused it that he doesn’t have the money but he is always some how able to come up with money to go out with friends or put gas in his ridiculously expensive car (130,000)

And to be fair in that 75$ extra I paid of his rent it actually ends up being more then the amount he’s had to cover for me while I’m SICK AS HECK.

Back to current day: I have constantly brought up to Josh the fact I need him to visit me more, and I’m always shut down and told how expensive it is to come see me and he can’t afford it. He said to me tonight he gave me $400 and had to cover my rent multiple times and that’s why he can’t see me. It’s some how my fault. 

I’m absolutely loosing my mind. I blocked him so I don’t end up sending a rant or saying something I will regret. My friends say he treats me like dirt and I’m 100% NTAH but a part of me is so used to being treated like trash from my upbringing I actually feel like I should feel grateful for the following:

 he takes care of my animals and covers the portion of rent I can’t make. Lending me money while I’ve been in hospital. 

Then the other part of me is thinking GIRL get it together your telling yourself to be thankful for the BARE MINIMUM.

So Reddit tell me. AITAH for thinking he is doing the bare minimum things a partner should do and getting upset about it…..
OR do I need to get some self worth and stand on business that Josh is a bare minimum partner and I deserve a lot better. My friends tell me that there ain’t no fing way they’d put up with that but they also my girls and always take my side anywaysssss 
 
Sincerely- a female asking if she is crazy or not before she blows the pot off the top 


","I'm sorry, but you don't have a partner. This is not what a relationship is supposed to look like. Have some self-respect and break it off."
"AITAH or more so my husband, for not giving his sons mom more parenting time when she asks?","I need to know yalls opinions... AITAH or more so is my husband? 
For starters, I do not make decisions for my husband when it comes to his baby momma. He does ask my opinion but ultimately, he makes the decisions. 

My husband has full primary custody of his son. He is extremely strict with the court order due to issues with his ex. Here are just a few
•His ex is engaged to a registered pedo
•His ex has had 3 known domestics in the last year and a half. One with her mother, one with the pedo fiancé, and one with a friend. All of which she was found as the aggressor and all of which were in front of her kids.
•His ex has missed at least half of her court ordered parenting time since my husband has gotten custody.
•His ex has dropped off the face of the earth several times since my husband has had custody. One time for over a month.

That being said, on to the question. Are we the assholes if my husband continues to follow the court order to the T with no wiggle room? His ex wanted to pick their son up early Friday after her ultrasound(yes she is pregnant again, baby #6 baby daddy #6). When my husband said he is sticking to the court ordered time and pick up spot(she wanted to pick up from our house and we do not want her on our property) his ex flipped out, saying a bunch of garbage about how the only reason she doesn't have custody is because she was homeless for 30 days(part of the reason but there is way more to the story. Read some of my previous posts.) and how my husband has been horrible to her(he hasn't. He just keeps communicationto a minimumand only about their son and she hates that.) She also got into some personal stuff about how they are just strangers raising a child and ""you are not the man I had a kid with"". My husband was respectful with his initial response. ""We are sticking to the court ordered dates and times. Thank you"". They use a parenting app also. He did not respond to her after she flipped out. She said at the end of the message that she wants no more contact with my husband other than drop off and for him not to contact her again. Obviously he will have to if there is something involving step son. My husband does not contact her to begin with unless it is involved their son. This is not the first time she has demanded no contact. 

So, are we the assholes?
",No. There’s your validation
AITAH for getting mad at my mom,"I’ve been going through a really rough year and sometimes I really consider suicide. I have also engaged in self harm. My mother does not know this. She works overtime and has a lot of stress on her plate. Today after work I asked her a simple question that needed to be answered, but she kept asking for specifications even when I already clarified that prior (a day before). It was supposed to be something like,

Me: “What animal is your favorite”

Mom “A cat”

but instead it went on like this 

Mom: “What do you mean, like a mammal”

Me: “Any animal”

Mom: “So it can be bacteria? Wait let me think.”

Me: “no not bacteria just any animal”

It went on like this for quite a bit before I just snapped because I already was in a terrible mood and yelled ”why cant you understand? its a simple question, just answer already!” One might say I crashed out, which I know I should have had more patience but I was really not having it. Then my mom started screaming at me how I am so inconsiderate and other such insults before punctuating each insult by shoving my head and shoulders with two fingers at least ten times(quite forcefully, it hurt).  One thing to note is that I am smaller than her.

She started rambling about how she works overtime and how it takes more time to answer a question. I understand that, but the same way she crashed out, is the way I crashed out. But at least I did not hit her. So AITAH?",To clarify the question wasn’t about animals lol it was about something on my college application
AITAH for asking this girl if she likes me for about 4 times,"So this sounds bad, but please hear me out.

So there's this girl i like right, and i got her number from an old friend, and texted her to see if she liked me back. I used to go to school with her and we chatted sometimes. She reacted kind of shocked and unsure, and asked me if I could give here some time to think. I respected this and let her think for a bit, in the mean time we texted back and forth a little bit, before I asked her again about 2 weeks after, and she said she still had to think, little weird, but respected her opinion. I asked again a couple times, and she still had to think, at this point i had had enough really. When i asked her a MONTH after i had originally asked her, she got really defensive and started saying that i was pushing her too much. I feel like this isn't really my fault, as I was starting to get quite annoyed and wanted an answer really.

So what do you think, am I an asshole for this?

P.S: What do you guys think i should do now?","YTA and for future reference ""I have to think"" is a no."
AITAH for not being friends with a person anymore?,"So I'm currently 15 F , and i am friends with this girl who is the same age as me (for now I'll call her ' S ') . In 8th to 9th grade we used to be in a group of 3 with another girl who was also the same age as us (for now I'll call her 'P') . I and 'S' met in 7th grade and became friends, at first it was nice being friends with her and I liked spending time with her because she was the only friend I had at that time , or so i thought. In our summer vacation in 7th grade we joined a basketball ball class and met 'P' we all instantly became friends and  spent hours talking to eachother, but after some time 'S' slowly started distancing herself from me and became Close friends with 'P' i didn't have any problem with that because that was her life and she could friends with anyone she wants , but if I talked to someone else or got close to someone else she would get upset and would say that i betrayed her bad forgot about her . This situation would always make me be on edge and not let me be friends or talk to someone else  . Soon 8th grade started and 'S' completely stopped talking to me , started spending more and more time with 'P' and I was left alone , this did make me upset but like again that's her life and she can be friends with anyone she wants . 'S' started to talk to me again but only when she needed something like money , notes etc. I was okay with that since friends help eachother but I started noticing that she would only talk to me when she needed something or during exams . If i sat next to her she would say that ho somewhere else i don't have space here (I'm not fat/overweight) she would sometimes even call me poison and ghost me constantly. 'S'  would constantly criticize my opinions, my style , my music taste and almost everything about me . When 9th grade started , i and 'S' decided to team up for a group project since we lived close by , she opened her Instagram and i accidentally saw her text with 'P' which were about me (i went to a mall without her as she was busy and said that she was with 'P') the texts were about that I was really upset and wanted to ask her if I did something wrong but I let it go . 9th grade started and a new girl joined our class I'll call her 'W' she i sat next to eachother and became friends. 'S' did not like 'W' as she had different opinions than her and would not do as she would say. 'S' asked me to not be friends with her nad to choose between her and 'W' i couldn't and choose to be friends with both of them I was more closer to 'W' than 'S' as 'W' would listen to my opinion, never cut me off of conversations , spend time with me , had similar opinions as me and would genuinely listen to me even about the things that she didn't knew I loved spending time with her and being friends with her . After sometime 'S' did something that made the most of the friendship and relationships in our school to break and I lost a lot of friends because of that except for 'W' she was still friends with me she and i got a lot closer and spent more time together soon 'S' and i grew apart and she made new friends but she would still from time to time tell me not be friends with 'W' and would say that i betrayed her . This time straight up told her that i am closer to 'W' than her and I liked spending time with her being friends with her more . She didn't like that . I still talk to her from time to time but she has started to ghost me again (we are in 10th grade now)and i did the same thinking she needed space but she again says that i betrayed her and that I am a traitor.

I forgot to mention it but 'S' would constantly copy me and cross boundaries of mine , say a lot of hurtful stuff to me and she also would ask me to tell her about my secrets but the last time I told her something our entire class knew about it so I stopped telling her anything.

I am not longer friends with 'S' so I just wanted to ask if I did the right thing or am I just being petty ?

I am really confused rn so i need someone's opinion on this","NTA. From what I've read, 'S' is TA. Along with that, it appears 'S' was being toxic towards you, as they told you not to be friends with 'W', betrayed your trust, and from the looks of it, ruined your other friendships. You did the right thing."
Aitah for not wanting my daughter to go stay with my mil,I 20 female and my mil 43 female don’t agree on a lot and I need advice or something bc she wants my daughter every two weeks and I don’t agree with it bc she has been in my daughters life 24/7 for little bit more back story I used to live with her but we butted heads and I didn’t want that around my daughter so we moved in with my mom and then we got a place of our own and now she wants my daughter every two weeks ps I don’t have a car and my daughter is only a year old and it’s hard for me as a mom to have someone complain about me  to my husband and then wants me to let her see my daughter like make that make sense you want to say shit behind my back and what makes me think that you ain’t gonna do that I front of my child and I’ve talked to my husband but he’s split in the middle he doesn’t wanna cause trouble with his mom or me so am I the asshole for not wanting my daughter over there with my mil? ,"That is *your* daughter. If MIL can't handle your boundaries, she can get to stepping. None of my family is in my kids lives bc I don't want them exposed to the lifestyles they live. Stand on business mama. It's exhausting having a kid strapped to you 24/7, but at least you know she's safe 💚"
AITAH for not sneaking out late at night? My boyfriend wants me to.,"\*\*not wanting to sneak out\*\* and we've missed out on opportunities to do so and he's pissed at me saying he thinks I'm a coward.

I'm 18 f and a senior in high school and recently I started dating a 24 year old man I met on Tinder on November 3rd. My parents are supportive and he's a great guy except for he wants me to sneak out with him late at night and go to bars. He encouraged and (basically forced me) to get a fake saying I'm 21+.

My parents let me do what I want on weekends but they want me home by 10:00 pm on school nights. But whenever I have a school night, they have work that same day (week day) so they often sleep early and my boyfriend wants me to sneak out at like midnight or so. He keeps telling me that unless I have an exam that day I have no excuse and that I need to live life. He said that 2nd semester of senior year I'm already done with the college application process and things get easier from here, so he says that it's worth me partying late at night with him sometimes. He also said that he gets off to me sneaking out, he thinks it's super hot.

AITAH for not wanting to? I always get super anxious because my parents would ground the hell out of me if they found out and I don't want them to forbid me from seeing him. I'm still in high school because I'm born in mid October (past the August cutoff) and until I'm in college on my own, I still kinda have to face their shitty control. My bf said he's willing to deal with this because he loves me and I'll be out of high school soon enough. He wants to move to where I go to college and have us live in an apartment together. His current apartment lease ends in June and I wouldn't move till August.","He doesn’t love you and I can’t believe your parents are entertaining this bullshit.

If you tank semester 2 of 12th. Your acceptances can and WILL be rescinded.

Go to college and live your life. Leave this loser behind. He WILL ruin your future."
AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend when he never fully forgave me for leaving him a year ago?,"I (18f) and my boyfriend (18m, lets call him Chase) of 6 months/2 years (we broke up in December of 2024, and got back together in August of 2025; had been together 2 years before breaking up the first time) broke up last night and I'm still kind of processing what happened. 

*P.S. Yes I know we are young, and it will probably sound stupid to many of you, but I feel that I have nowhere else to really go.*

For a while, after getting back together, I had felt weird about our relationship. I didn't feel like he didn't love me or that he was cheating, but just like nothing had really changed since our last go at the relationship. There was a thought always in the back of my mind that I didn't love him the same way anymore, but I figured that it was just teenager stuff and I could move on and get past it. However, the more our 2nd try continued, the more we fought about the same things and the more the same thought kept popping up.

To give some context:

Last year, around Christmas time, my parents told me they were getting a divorce and my world got flipped upside down. I was 17 and in the middle of my senior year of high school, so I became even more depressed than I already was and began thinking about suicide and shutting people out. Around this same time, I met a guy (lets call him Will) at my place of work and my already, for lack of better words, weakened mind began to drift and start to like this him. Fast forward to Christmas Day in the evening. I sent a long break text to Chase saying that I didn't feel supported by him and that he was making my feelings about everything going with my parents about himself. I said that I wished him the best, and then I blocked him on everything. Pictures deleted, number blocked, Instagram account wiped of his existence. A week later I jumped into a relationship with Will that lasted around 3 months until he broke up with me because he thought I didn't trust him. The next day after being broken up with, I reached out to Chase because I was on the verge of suicide and I felt that he was the only person that would understand. We began talking again with no intention of getting back together until he told me that he still loved me and I told him I felt the same way. A couple of weeks after that, we met up in person and we got back together. One month after getting back together is when things began to happen cause the ""honeymoon period"" was over. I was noticing him acting the same narcissistic way he was before and I tried to look past it. Over the span of these 6 months that we were back together, we fought, we lied, we cried, we laughed, we smiled. It wasn't all bad. But he always brought up everything that had happened with Will. He used it in arguments to justify his actions and his words. He used it in casual conversation and would say things like ""I don't want to be tied down to you in case you do something stupid again"", ""Who's the guy you're with now?"", or ""Its okay, I'm used to being cheated on""

(No he hasn't been cheated on in the past)

But recently, like right before this past Christmas, we had a fight that changed my mindset about our relationship. I was having flashbacks about everything that happened a year ago (it was more emotional flashbacks) and I had a panic attack in my car. I reached out to a friend and asked if they could hangout so I could stay physically safe, cause at this point, I had gone without suicidal thoughts for 6 months and I didn't want to fall back into that. About 30 minutes after I calmed down, I told Chase about my panic attack and he was offended that I went to my friend first. He said that as my boyfriend, he should always be my first call when everything is wrong and that he was having flashbacks too so my feelings didn't matter and I should see it from his perspective. He told me ""You don't deserve my support right now."" After that, he stopped responding to any of my texts.

I was hurt. I felt that it wasn't safe for me to express my feelings to him anymore. So after talking with my mom the next day, she advised me to take a mental break from everything and just mute/block him for the time being. Unfortunately, he took me not answering as me breaking up with him. He told all of his friends and his family. Later that same day, I unblocked him because I felt guilty and he reached out immediately asking why I broke up with him. I said that I didn't and that I was taking a mental break from the situation. We talked about everything and I told him that I was also feeling suicidal that night which is the reason I went to my friend for physical safety. He said that if I would've just told him that I was having suicidal thoughts, that he would've stayed and helped me through it. He said he was still offended that I went to my friend first and that I could've gone to him to get through it. He also told me that he was feeling suicidal and we could've worked through it together. I believe that the reason I went to my friend first was because since the flashbacks were about my parents AND Will, and I don't think a conversation with Chase would've been helpful because of comments he has made in the past. But he stuck to his story.

A couple of days ago, we had another fight about the same thing. Him being offended and me just being pissed off because he wasn't changing and something about him not telling his mom until that day (3 WEEKS after the original fight). We fight for a while just going back and forth making mean comments, calling each other childish and then we both say we don't want to fight anymore, saying ""I love you"" then moving on.

Yesterday is when everything exploded. I had been thinking a lot about whether the relationship was healthy for me, and was planning on visiting him for a couple of days at his college before my holiday break ends and I have to go back. The drive felt like forever because I was dreading seeing him. I realized as soon as I got there and saw him that the relationship was over and I didn't love him like that anymore. Sure I still care, but just not romantically. I couldn't look at him. I stared everywhere else but at him. We got into his dorm room and I tried to act like everything was normal so I could just get through the visit and then break up with him and then leave. But I couldn't sleep. I tried physical touch, but I was shying away (I don't like being touched unless it's someone I love) and feeling sick every time. I could tell he knew something was off, but was trying to ignore it for the time being. I ended up laying on the floor, claiming that I was cold. I knew I couldn't stay for the whole visit and planned on leaving the next morning.

I needed to crash out and cry so I left the room and found a warm place to curl up and watch YouTube until I fell asleep. But of course, like I said, it all exploded.

He woke up around 3am and texted me wondering where I was. I told him I was still in the building, and that I was just cold. That wasn't a lie, cause I really was cold. He asked if everything was okay and I said not at all but I wanted to talk about it in the morning. However, he kept pushing at it and eventually asked ""Are we breaking up?"" I said that we will talk in the morning. I really didn't want to talk at 3 in the morning. He said ""Fucking runner"" because I was ""running from the conversation.""

Here are some things he said during this interaction:

""Can't even talk to me in person?"" - I was planning on doing a FaceTime call because I know myself well enough to know that I would've tried to hug him and that would've just made things worse. I did say that I would meet in person, but that it wouldn't be until the next morning.

""You aren't being a good person right now, and I know I'm not being one either, but this is fucked up""

""Why did I ever defend you""

""Come get you're shit and leave hen if you're not gonna talk about this like an adult""

\- I said I would talk tomorrow. I said that over 3 times to him

""That's not how this works. You talk it out when it happens""

\- I said ""Nope, its going to be on my terms""

""Then we're done""

\- I said ""Okay, if that's what you want""

""I'm not going to be with someone who won't tell me what I did wrong""

""Why do you get to do everything for you""

""What about me?""

I went to the front desk and asked for them to grab my stuff from outside his room cause he had thrown it all out. And when he saw that it wasn't me coming to get my stuff he said:

""Pussy""

That I night I stayed in a hotel and drove the 3 hours and a half hours home in the morning. Now I'm sitting in my room not really regretting the break up, but wondering if I am the AH for doing all of this. For letting it drag out this long. For saying certain things.

So, strangers on the internet, what are your honest opinions about all this? And I am willing to answer any questions to clear anything up. Sorry for the Harry Potter length story, I just felt that the context was necessary. And to clear one thing up, I do seriously regret what happened with Will. I've apologized so many times. Over-explained. Answered questions Chase had. But when do I get to stop feeling guilty for that? When do I get that freedom?

Thank you for reading this newly minted adults post :)","You broke up with Chase before you tried to shoot your shot with Will. You didn't do anything wrong in that instance. It wasn't cheating if you broke up with Chase first.

I think your second try with Chase was a mistake, because clearly Chase remained bitter and angry with you, and wanted to make you feel bad. Why would you remain in a relationship with someone like that?

I would guess it has something to do with how messed up you are. You think you deserve to have someone emotionally beat you up because you feel like you're a 'bad' person. Or something. I believe a little introspection on your part will help you get to the bottom of it.

I think you need help from a professional to get to a place where you understand that you do not deserve abuse. Are you in college, where you can get an appointment with a counsellor? Or do you attend a religious establishment like a church or synagogue where you can get counselling? Do you have a psychiatrist or therapist whom you see regarding your suicidal ideation?"
AITAH for refusing to visit my wife’s home country again because it's literally a shithole?,"We're 29M, 28F. My wife is originally from a third-world nation. Till now, We've visited her home country together for two times -

* For our wedding in 2021.
* 2 months during winters of 2023.

I won't say the country's name, but it was full of filth, EXTREMELY overcrowded (I hate crowd), street animals, trash, large & open sewage, air pollution, sound pollution, people staring etc. This list will never end. I was compelled to stay at her home 24x7. Forgot to add, I got harassed by a dozen of homeless kids once and almost hit by a street cow.

I never mentioned this all during our visit, but after coming back, I made it clear that I won't be visiting that place again, unless it's very important (like health issue of her parents, etc). She nodded in yes, she knew that genuinely, it wasn't a good experience for me at all.

Now since last month, she wants us to visit her parents' home AGAIN. One visit means 1 month stay minimum. I seriously can't tolerate that environment and mentioned out agreement again, but she wants it anyways.

Recently, when she started it again, I told her to go alone, mentioning that I'll take care of our home & dog. She got kinda offended, as if I'm ""abandoning"" her. AITA",There are some places I have been that I wouldn’t visit again either. Can you pay for her parents to come and visit you instead?
AITAH for getting angry when my husband stays out late drinking and I can’t go to sleep?,"My husband and I share a studio apartment. Sometimes after his shift (he’s a cook), he’ll stay late and drink. Since we share a studio apartment, I can’t fall asleep until he comes home because he’ll just wake me up and then I have trouble falling back asleep. AITAH for getting angry when he does this?","I’m gonna be honest and say I’d be really unhappy if my partner gave me a curfew. I’d be looking at white noise machines, eye masks, sleeping in separate rooms when he’s back late. "
AITAH for asking that whoever uses the last of something in the fridge to let me know?,"This is my first time ever posting something like this but I really want to know if I'm in the wrong. 

I want to start this off by saying I don't police the food in the house. Everyone can eat whatever they want whenever they want. I only have two rules to it. Clean up after yourself and if you are using something that usually isn't in the fridge or cupboard or the last of something to ask or let me know. Mainly because I want to know if I need to restock what is being used or to let the person know if it's already earmarked for a recipe. 9  times out of 10 I'm cleaning up the others mess and I'm finding that I wasn't informed about the last of something being used.

Well this argument actually started out stupid but has become bigger. I went to get the last of a drink I have been buying that I enjoy and it was gone. When I asked my daughter if she had drank it she said yes. I asked her why she didn't tell me she was drinking the last of the drinks. She said she forgot and apologized, I explained again the reason I need to know and that was the end of it with us.
When I mentioned it to my husband though he got mad. He said if it's in the fridge it should be able to be used. I told him that wasn't the point I was trying to make, I was trying to say it's courtesy to inform the main grocery shopper and meal maker if something is being finished off. And now he's saying that I should label the food and he just won't eat anything out of the fridge anymore.
 I grew up that it was courtesy to ask and/or inform others if you were using the last of something. Apparently he grew up where it didn't matter and says he would go to his mom's house now and eat the last of stuff and not let her know. I understand that we came from different backgrounds about it but I don't feel like I'm asking for much just to be informed about the last of something being used. So, AITAH?","First, if a new rule is in play, you need to understand that others aren't going to slot it into their priority box. They will mess up and need to be reminded...with kindness, not shame.  You want them to tell you right away, you might not be there, they may be in a rush and not present. Instead, maybe put a dry-erase board with GROCERY LIST on it. That way, it's not about you - it is about the house, and it's running for everyone's benefit. Gentle reminders go much further than demands...thats just how our brains function best."
WIBTAH if I charge my Aquintence gas money for driving him with me to work,"So basically I work with an acquaintance from school for a internship at work. We live in the same dorm and I drive him to work with me whenever we go, and ontop of that whenever we leave the city to go back to our homes on the weekend, i take him with me to drop him off at his hometown since its on the way to my hometown. BUT there is some context for this as well. 


For the job, it explicitly said when applying that you NEEDED a vehicle to get to the workplace as it isn't accessible through public transport and he applied and got the job anyways. 


I am paying for parking at the dorm we stay at as well. 


He doesnt have a car or a license for that matter.


The reason why I ask is because I while everytime I drive he is also going to those same places too, and regardless if he wasnt here or not I would still be going to the same places, I just feel like it wouldnt be fair if we didnt split the gas bill. He initially reached out to me to carpool as well, only for this scenario to happen (and not the typical I drive one day and vice versa). Ontop of that, technically I am taking the ""risk"" by using my car as well because of the long commutes back home, so im adding extra mileage and wear and tear on my car. Any sort of scenario where the car goes down, I am the one who takes the downfall.


I am asking because to me it seems obvious, but when I ask him he sounds iffy and unsure and uncomfortable about it. ","NTA. Ask the freeloader for gas money, a share on insurance & maintenance, etc."
AITAH for not telling my best friend a girl was making very ugly fun?,"So three years ago me and my three now best friends went to our new school , we met on our first day , where we found out we share a dorm and had been inseparable since (lets call them Ginger and Penny, me and Ginger go to the same Grade and Penny goes to the opposite so we don’t share any classes but we are at the same Year). So we have this “popular” group in our class and they were the mean type of friend group. Once me and Penny were talking and she confessed to me that she found out that this specific friend group had a groupchat where they would take pictures of people in a bad moment and were making fun of them. She told me that she think that they did it to everyone but this one specific person (lets call her Ginny) started more and more taking embarrassing photos of Ginger and was making fun specifically of her. Just mentioning that it was like half of the year our class met each other and we all got well together. Penny told me that it got very bad even with the comments and that every person in the groupchat thought that it was very mean towards Ginger and stopped responding or left the group chat. Me and Penny decided that it was not worth telling Ginger because it was probably like (at the moment) another half a year later. We thought that maybe it would now do more harm then good and left it at that. It’s now a year later since Penny told me and i can’t stand to look at Ginny. Me and Ginger got even closer together and are like sisters. But there’s always a nagging feeling like she deserves to know the truth. AITAH for never telling her? Should i tell her or never speak of it again?.",NTA. there is no reason you need to tell her she was being insulted
AITAH for refusing to sell a bag to a customer?,"So for context I sell preloved handbags on a selling site and have been doing this for three years. I pick up the handbags cheap and I flip them and make money off doing so. This is my full time job.

Now onto the problem, I have had several interactions with a certain customer who keeps buying bags off of me, only to turn around and complain and demand their money back.

The first time this happened the bag apparently had a mark on it so I requested it be returned to me, when I received it back no mark but I had the item back so I left it and resold it successfully to someone else.

This happened again with a different bag, I didn’t realise at first that it was the same customer until they reported an issue with the bag. They said this bag was not the bag they had bought. So I messaged them privately asking for photos of the item  they had received so I could verify if there had been a mix up. The customer refused. I then went to the customer support system on this selling site.

They decided to side with me and the customer left me a negative review claiming I was difficult and a fraudulent seller. I then blocked this customer from being able to purchase my items again.

It then happened a third time. This particular item was an expensive Coach bag  for context so obviously I was very worried about something happening to it. When it sold and I printed the postage label I noticed the address and name was the same of the previous customer who had caused problems for me. I even went back to look at the two previous orders to verify it was the same person.

I then decided to cancel the order and told the customer that I would not longer sell to them considering our last interaction and I was surprised they still wanted to buy from me. When I did this they went absolutely ballistic at me, calling me all sorts of names, reporting me to the selling site and abusing me and my buisness across social media.

However when I told my friends about what had happened they thought I was out of line. That I should have given the customer the benefit of the doubt and sent the item and money was money and that I bought this all on myself.

So AITAH?

Just a note as well my husband also resells and has had the same buyer mess around with him too. Also after posting I went back through my messages with my friends and noticed one of them wanted that bag but didn’t want to pay for it so I declined. Idk maybe that is why at least one of them is being like that.

Every time apart from the first has been a new account this customer has made.",NTA. It's just a smart business practice to protect yourself. Your friends obviously don't own small businesses.
Aitah for wanting my mom out of my life,"I'm 20 years old, female, and my fiancé is 25 years old, male. We've been happily together for almost a year, except for a baby in July. However, whenever I found out I was pregnant, I was already in my second trimester. When my mom and step-dad found out, they accused me of being disrespectful. Whenever I said I had set rules for my kid, such as not watching certain shows or going outside at a specific time, they said it was disrespectful. Because my fiancée is the father, I want him and only him in the delivery room with me because they keep making me anxious. Then my step-dad says my fiancée is a deadbeat. Whenever my fiancee helps out the most, all they have to do is take me to appointments because my fiancee's truck broke down and he's trying to get it fixed. It really hurts my feelings whenever they try to force themselves into the delivery, knowing I'm not comfortable with it. My mom wants to go to my OB appointment to see when my actual due date is and is purposely turning her phone up loud while I'm trying to sleep, coughing on me and sneezing, and stealing my pillows, knowing good and well I'm in pain. I love my mom, but she needs to respect my boundaries. I tried to be nice to her several times, but it's getting old. Just because she is my mom and older doesn't give her the right to disrespect my fiancée or me and say he's not a dad. Just because we aren't married yet, yes, he is a father and already a very good one. She's accusing him of being abusive whenever he won't let anyone hurt me or disrespect me and makes sure I'm comfortable. What should I do because I'm about ready to cut my mom and step-dad out of my life for good for the safety of myself and my child, because I gave them chance after chance.","Jeebus, learn to punctuate. The period, comma, semi-colon, and colon are all friends you should cultivate."
AITAH for not wanting reconciliation and them subsequently getting me fired?,"About a year ago, a few of my ""friends"" started treating me like shit without explanation, and I happened to work with one of them, who I will call S. During the summer, I left that place of work to do some seasonal work, and the poor treatment was ongoing until I left. When the seasonal job ended, I returned to work in October at the same place, and I was honestly over it, and the way they all treated me. I had figured out it was all because of a huge misunderstanding 10 months prior, and accepted that if a miscommunication could ruin friendships the way that it did, the friendship deserved to die.

My first couple days back went pretty well, aside from me catching S staring at me frequently. I decided to address it, so I wrote them a letter (I chose a letter because in the past, they had redirected conversations before I said what I wanted to, the content I discussed (the misunderstanding) wasn't appropriate to discuss at work, and in the past, when I tried to talk to them, they began belittling me and being vulgar, and in the past I know the issue was discussing emotional topics in front of others. 

The context of the letter was me saying my return had nothing to do with them, which it didn't,  and that I figured out what the issue between us was, and if they wanted to, they could continue reading the letter if they still wanted clarity about it. 

The next time we worked together, they said they read the letter and wanted to be like we were before the misunderstanding, and I got caught up in the moment, and said yes, but first we'd need to discuss what happened, so it never happened again, along with some boundaries being established. S said yes, but they wanted to wait until they achieved a certain life goal. 

Over the next couple weeks, we joked with each other and talked periodically, but not nearly to the degree we once did. 

A few days passed after they reached the life goal, and I asked them when we could talk, and they said ""I don't think I have the time."" 

This irritated me, to be honest, because I felt like they were putting zero effort into reconciling, and that's when I realized S probably just wanted to sweep everything under the  rug without actually taking any accountability. I decided then that at that moment I did not want to pursue reconciliation any further, but at this moment I was okay with how things are, but I still wanted to discuss boundaries, so we know each others limits. 

I asked S if they wanted to talk about the boundaries, and they said they were busy with work, and I could tell I was being blown off. 

A little while later, S was talking to G, another coworker, regarding my decision to not want reconciliation. ""It won't last that long"" S had said.

This irritated me even further, so a little while later, I went to ask another coworker for advice, but S was now talking to that coworker, who I will call M, every time I went to talk to M. This irritated me even further, because their reason for blowing me off was because they didn't have time because they were behind on work, yet they had plenty of time to talk to M for 30 minutes.   

Over the next two days, I reflected on everything. and why I am still getting so triggered by them, and I realized that since they never apologized for the way they treated me, or even acknowledged that they hurt me, I felt it was all bound to happen again, and being that their communication style is what started all of this, and it hadn't changed, I was no longer okay with S periodically talking to me, so I wrote them a letter, for the same reasons as the first one.

I walked up to them, and handed the letter to them, and said it was about my boundaries changing (I was asking S to keep their distance from me), and exactly why I changed, and why I changed my mind.  As I gave S the letter, they had a smirk on their face, and I knew in that moment, they were going to get me fired. 

Fast forward two days, and I walk in to start my shift. I was called in to my bosses office(R)

R waited until one of the other employees were present. That is when R said I was being trespassed from the building for harassing S. This didn't make sense, so I asked why. It was because S and someone else who has yet to be identified (they didn't tell me because they didn't want to be involved, but by doing that they are involved whether they like it or not) said I make them uncomfortable and I wouldn't leave S alone. This confuses me because I was the one to tell S to not come near me, and before that, i had only spoken to them about what was mentioned earlier in this post. Before that, if they weren't okay with me speaking to them, they should've told me. The real kicker is that R had the TRESPASS form filled out before even hearing my side of things, and I was told that S is looking into getting a restraining order. 

Also, I would like to also say that I struggle very mush with social cues and reading social situations. S had agreed to inform me if I ever do something that bothers them, (On January 12, 2025 to be exact) but they have not done that, despite me making it very clear, and them promising they would. I also feel hurt because I made my communication needs very clear. and around every corner they have been neglected.

S happened to be working the day I was trespassed. They were clearly expecting me to retaliate, because not only did they hide S, they also had the other employee escort me around the building to grab my personal belongings and such. I understand the precaution, it just hurt that I worked for this company for over 3 years, and they thought I may become violent (I'm not).  Maybe that's just my ego, but I feel betrayed by my friends, and all of my coworkers. 

I want to be clear. I did not yell, threaten, or do anything to intimidate S. If they felt the letter was too much, or if they wanted me to leave them alone prior to this, they should have told me, but I think S did this to get me to react a certain way to validate every bad thing they've said about me over the miscommunication from a year ago.

 The fact that they have their friends and family check my Tik Tok every other day supports this theory, but ultimately, I don't know if the reason was malicious, or if they actually thought I was harrassing them, but even then, asking my to stop should have happened before resorting to reporting me for harrassment, right?



","As a woman reading this my heart sank because you tried to communicate and set boundaries like an adult and they weaponized discomfort against you, and while losing a job hurts deeply this doesn’t define you it shows exactly who was willing to silence you instead of being honest."
AITAH for having my stepdad walk me down the aisle instead of my father?,"My parents divorced when I was 6 years old, I was their only kid together, at first they both loved me but when they both got remarried things changed with my dad, his wife had a son who was my age and he immediately became my dad’s favourite kid and I was pushed to the side, and I was pushed away even more when they had kids of their own, he’d still pay child support and take me on his weeks but it always felt like I was just a burden on him and his least favourite kid. 

Meanwhile my mom got married to my stepdad who also had a son of his own but he always treated me like a daughter and he was always there for me when my dad couldn’t care less about me, so I started going to him whenever I actually needed my dad instead of going to my father, he was the one I went to after getting my first heart break and he was the one I went to when I was sexually assaulted, my father doesn’t even know that about me and I doubt he’d even care I was hurt like that. 

I’ve now been with my fiancée for 6 years and he’s the love of my life and we’re getting married this April. Yesterday my father came to visit me and my fiancée from out of nowhere, he just called me and said he was in the area and he’d love to see me and I said sure, he came to our house and it was him and his youngest son who’s 15, he started congratulating us on getting engaged since this is the first time we saw him since getting engaged and he was talking about the wedding and he was joking wether he should start a diet or if he looks good to walk me down the aisle, I just said sorry but that my stepdad was walking me down, he looked shocked and hurt and asked why, and I just said that he’s always been more of a dad to me than him, he asked if he’d have any part in the wedding and I said I’d give him an honorary father daughter dance which is more than gracious to him and other than that he’d just be a normal guest, he was hurt and kept asking if I could include him more, I got uncomfortable and eventually I just asked them to leave and they left. He looked so hurt.

now I’m doubting myself, am I being too hard on him? Am I in the wrong here? Honestly some part of me still loves my father and I miss him so much at times but those times get fewer and fewer every single year, I do believe some part of him does love me because sometimes he’d turn into the best dad for a minute every few years and he’d do something nice for me but he was never consistent and never was like how he was with half siblings with me, it hurts so much. 

Am I the asshole here?",NTA Your dad is more worried about how he will be perceived in your wedding than your actual relationship. Do what feels right for you and Congratulations!
AITAH for considering wanting out of 30 year marriage?,"I'm just tired and I want out. But it would blow up our lives and our kids' lives. AITA for wanting out?

For the past five years, his health has gone to crap. I've done everything I can to help him and based on medical appointments last week, he will be reasonably okay. There have been massive health scares in the past few years with emergency calls and I think I may be traumatized by it all. He's not able to work anymore and I fully support our family minus social security retirement. 

Our lives turned upside down and everything has evolved around him due to health scares. I'm a teacher and over winter break, I've come to realize he's become as self centered as his parents were. His father was not someone who was fun to be around in his final years. 

Today I'm back at work and phone apps informed me he drove himself to another city and bought a computer set up to set up a recording studio in our home. He has refused to help put Christmas decorations away and camera recordings show he walked over them on way out. I'm a teacher. We're not wealthy. He had questioned my wanting to purchase an online training course for our daughter who has autism. He questioned the cost (3k) and stated he would not be able to work with her to complete it. Vocational training course. 

We need a second car. Home repairs. Food made. House cleaned. I want to look at retirement for me. 

Today feels like financial infidelity. He is clearly able to do far more physically than he showed me over break. There are decades long issues of course, but watching this physical movement, planning and covert money movement feels like he's cheating. His music is nice, but nothing that will improve quality of life for anyone but him. 

I've put off vacations, dental work and life In general for him.  I know this is likely under a $10k purchase from his 401k but he has refused to start monthly withdrawal payments from 401k to make up for his lost income. 

Honestly, all signs for the past five years indicated he would die. I thought I needed to give him best quality of life. Now it feels like I'm going to be trapped. 

This would blow up our lives. I feel deceived. He is clearly far more able bodied than I realized. I'm watching him on cameras. I don't have a car but he now has equipment for a music studio. He can build a studio and has the intellectual capacity for this, but won't sit with our learning disabled adult child to complete a training course while I work. I was under the impression memory loss was part of his condition. 

AITA?

","You’re not an asshole for wanting to leave, you’re reacting to years of stress plus a serious breach of trust.

* You’re burnt out from years of caregiving and constant emergencies.
* Trust took a hit: he hid a big purchase and prioritized himself over the family.
* It’s not a partnership right now: you’re carrying the money, home, and parenting load.
* Your needs matter too (health, stability, retirement) that’s not selfish."
AITAH for asking my Mom if she loves my sisters more than me? I hope if I am people don't be so harsh on me because I am really not in a great mood right now and another post yesterday encouraged me to post this.,"So my family is me (18M), my 3 sisters (18F, 16F, 17F) and our mom (39F) and our dad ( 41M) we are pretty close family we all hang out whenever and with whoever and my mom and dad treats as all equally, hang out with all of us and spends time with us even more than my dad cuz most of the time he is busy at work more than mom. So we get more quality of time with mom. 

My gives us same level of affection and time, hugs, kisses, pet names, hang outs, emotional support, everything she is a great mom and we do everything together and she ( as any mom should from my understanding ) loves all equally and treats us equally like I said. She never made any of us feel less, I am very close to my sisters too. Three of them are just the best they know every secret of mine and they give me advices with my gf (idk if that's great or horrifying lmao).

So the thing is we are all 4 in same school, and my mom drives us to it, and 2 weeks ago when she dropped us, she always hugs us before we leave, when I entered 4 girls told me that they saw us in the morning and told me ( you are lucky that your mom loves you while you LITERALLY have 3 sisters ) I was confused and asked them what does that even mean, and they told me ( Moms usually loves daughters way way way WAY more than sons, that bond is way stronger than YOUR bond as a son with her not equal at all most of the time ask us we are 4 daughters of our parents, sons bond is overrated and not even strong maybe the weakest bond we know in families).

After that when mom came to pick us from school I didn't say anything to my mom or my sisters, I just went home to my room upstairs and kept searching Ai and some stupid psychological studies about MOM loving daughters more because of some brain shit and stuff that I really didn't understand nor did I thought had anything to do with real life families or moms those studies I don't usually trust or believe in and some weird ass outdates rules about gender and of course you know what happens when you spiral and overthink some stupid take someone said to you.

 I literally spent this weekend searching if I am worthy enough of my mom's love like my sisters and searching for reassurance (that I got ) THAT son bond with mom is just as strong and there is no ""by default"" favoritism and that those takes are stupid but OF COURSE i kept spiraling because I am an overthinker.

So my mom and sisters and dad been noticing my weird behavior this week and yesterday I went out of my room and mom dad and my sisters were downstairs and I just went and spontaneously asked my mom IF she loves my sisters more than me and if our bond as mom-son ain't as strong as mom-daughter. I bit on my life I could see my mom's face drain of color and my sisters were so sad and dad was like ( WHOA what's going on here ), Mom just cried and hugged me telling me screaming ( BULLSHIT, WHO TOLD YOU THAT, WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THIS IDEA) and sisters were like (WTF ARE YOU EVEN SAYING THAT IS WRONG ). Mom then asked me if she did something that hurt me or made me feel like that and I stiffed and panickily told her OF COURSE NOT!!. Dad asked me to remember my mom loves us all equally, and the day continued normally but I feel SO BAD for making mom feel like she did something wrong while I am the insecure overthinker. AITAH?","Do you love my sisters more"" Post: ""NAH (No Assholes Here). It’s normal to have these insecurities at 18, even in a loving family. The fact that you feel your mom and sisters are your best friends is a great sign. Just talk to her—she’ll likely be happy to reassure you."
AITAH: Need Advice on Friendship Situation/Argument,"for context i am F(23) my friend lets call her Samanatha is F(22) as well, we’ve been on and off friends for about 5 years but recently just became close in the last 3ish years i’d say. a few months ago she found out she was pregnant. i was over the moon could not be happier for her, i congratulated her everyday asked her how she was doing frequently, she also had a condition that made her very sick in her first trimester so we wernt in contact as much as we usually were, also around this same time my nana went back into the hospital she broke her pelvis from a bad fall. anyway, fast forward to a few weeks before her gender reveal, i told her i’m gonna have to try to find a ride there since i don’t have a car atm, and wasn’t really trying to spend 50$ on an Uber (25 mins there and 25 back). i expressed this to her and she didn’t really say much, which i didn’t think much of it at first. Found out my aunt was off that day and was able to give me a ride. i told her how i was so excited to come and for days prior kept mentioning how close it was getting and how excited i was. well, the day before the reveal my aunt calls me and tells me she got covid from my uncle and she wouldn’t be able to drive me. obviously i was very upset bc now again im back to having no ride there. i sent her a video in our GC and told her her the situation to which she left me on open and didn’t reply for hours. i texted the group chat around 7 that night responding to one of our other friends saying she was sad i couldn’t make it and that it really sucked how things worked out. i forget exactly what i said, but i realized that Samantha’s younger sister who were also friends with, left the groupchat. i think i asked why she left the gc, and that it was weird. our other friend told me she was annoyed, to which i replied bc i can’t come? and she said yeah and other stuff too. so i was like damn she could’ve easily told me she was unadding me and so on and so forth. i said it was weird that she unadded me out of nowhere and didn’t say anything bc we were friends or so i thought. now samantha enters the groupchat, which resulted in telling me that it’s weird that im not coming to my bestfriend gender reveal, that im just making excuses not to go and that i don’t do anything for my friends, all because i can’t make it to her gender reveal. i understand that it’s very important to her that i was there, but if the roles were reversed i wouldn’t have treated her that way. obviously got pissed and said this isn’t fair to me just bc i can’t make it to make me seem like a horrible friend or like i’m not coming on purpose, also making it seem like they’ve been waiting to say these things until we’ve got into an argument. i felt like they’ve been feeling that way for awhile the way the argument went and spiraled out of control. in the end, i was left feeling like i was in the wrong all bc i couldn’t make it and plans changed. i now feel like i should apologize and try to make it right, but im unsure and need advice. it’s been roughly almost 2 weeks since we’ve spoken. she’s removed me on all social media, i don’t even know if she still has my number. i don’t know if i want to continue a friendship with someone that feels that way about me, especially when they wouldn’t come to me and express the way they feel, or should i cut her some slack and realize it was just the pregnancy hormones/situation making her lash out and say hurtful things she didn’t mean? my other friend that is also her bestfriend said that she never meant for us to stop being friends, but that she wasn’t going to reach out and that she knew i wasn’t going to either. i just feel stuck. i do miss having her in my life but also, i don’t want someone in my life that was meant to be removed from it for a reason, does that make sense? am i a bad friend for missing her gender reveal bc i didn’t want to spend the money going back and forth and my ride fell through? also, i wondered why if she wanted me there so badly why she wouldn’t have had her mom, or somebody else there pick me up and i could’ve tried to find a way back. idk. anything would’ve been better than that it turned out to me. 

any advice is appreciated thank you!! ","NTA at alllll, you tried your hardest to make it work with rides and excitement but life threw curveballs and Samantha turned a legit transportation issue. Pregnancy hormones can make people extra emotional but that doesn’t excuse blasting you, dragging up old stuff, and letting her sister unadd you like you’re the villain – you’re not a bad friend for missing one event"
AITAH for firmly believing it’s my partner’s responsibility to solve for their snoring?,"LSS: My partner’s snoring has gotten increasing worse and nothing I do to help me sleep better works. They refuse to seek medical input/help, and firmly believe it’s my responsibility to find ways to deal with their snoring so I can sleep better/more easily. 



Background: My partner and I have been together for 6 years. They snored a little bit in year 1 (so little it was actually kind of cute), a little more year 2, progressively worse years 3-5, worse this year. 


They saw an ENT 3 years ago who gave them a take home sleep test. Maybe I’m biased, but I’m not convinced it actually worked (or as effectively as a traditional sleep test). They said it came back fine and they just needed to get a nasal spray. They checked back in with their PCP 2 years ago who suggested they take over the counter anti-allergy meds. My partner is convinced this is enough information for them, but neither of those solutions seems to be doing anything. 



Currently: They’ve also become incredible nasally in the evening, it’s almost like clockwork around sunset. Their snoring has become guttural; I wish I could fully convey how loud, deep, and nasally it is. I try to go to sleep before them to get a head start, play sleep music every night, and sometimes even try using my earplugs but it’s bad enough to where those don’t block the sound (and definitely don’t block the vibrations their snoring cause). I can’t comfortably sleep on the couch either. Maybe I’m biased, but I don’t feel that I need to be the one to resort to the couch every evening. 



I’ve tried explaining how dangerous snoring like this can be but it’s clear they don’t believe me or care if it is. They’re firmly convinced they’ve done all that they can to solve for their snoring and it’s on me to find a way to sleep better in the night. 



So, Reddit, I come here to ask: am I the a-hole in this situation? Do I need to compromise more? ",NTA-record your partner snoring and then play it at full volume the next time they are trying to fall asleep.  See how they like it.
AITAH for getting my dad to tell my brother to move his stuff out of my house… even though his room is locked?,"Here’s the situation: I pay for the **entire house**, and my brother’s stuff has been sitting in his old room for **8 months**. I’ve asked him repeatedly to move it, but he keeps delaying—“next week,” “I’m busy,” etc.

Now here’s the kicker: **the room is locked**, and he refuses to open it. He just bought a **new house** and has been fixing it up, which I get, but **my house is not his storage unit**.

I finally had my dad talk to him and tell him he needs to get his stuff out. My brother is now acting like I’m the villain for “forcing” him to deal with it.

So Reddit… **AITA for wanting to finally reclaim my own house when the room is literally locked and he refuses to move?**","If it’s “your house”, why would you dad need to be involved?

Also, how many times are you planning on deleting and reposting this?  Bolding more words each time won’t change things.

If your parents don’t mind keeping your brothers things at their house (your home), then too bad for you."
AITAH for touching myself during sex,"Aitah for touching myself during sex. 

My boyfriend 29m randomly bought up that he finds it weird when I 26f give myself clitoral stimulation to orgasm during sex. 

We’ve been together for 2 years and I’ve always enjoyed our sex life. I’ve had several sexual partners before but consider sex with my bf to be the best. We have sex regularly and I’ve always felt he’s attentive and unselfish in bed. At the beginning of our relationship I found him open and non judgmental which allowed me to feel comfortable in the bedroom. For example I’ve never been able to dirty talk with other men because I felt too shy but could do it with him almost straight away. 

So last night when he told me about this issue I was really shocked. He’s never said anything before to indicate a problem. Often he’ll actually guide my hand to my clit which I’ve taken to suggest that he wants me to help myself finish. 

Last night he said that he finds it weird and thinks it makes our sex pointless because I’m basically having sex with myself. I didn’t really know what to say in the moment but I told him I was quite upset by what he was saying and annoyed that he’s never bought this up before if that’s how he feels. This is something I’ve done throughout our 2 years together so not a new habit. 

He went on to say no other girl he’s been with has done that and that his touch has been enough for them. Sometime during our sex he’ll stimulate my clit and I’ll orgasm from that which I bought up to him. He said whilst that’s true he thinks it takes too long for me to orgasm that way and that other girls he’s slept with have been much quicker. 

This morning I did some research into how normal it is for women to need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and read it out to him. My thinking was that it would assure him that  it’s very normal for me to need it. While he accepted it, he’s maintained this line about how it’s weird it takes me longer to orgasm than his exes from his touch. And that he doesn’t like that I touch myself, again bringing up that it makes our sex pointless. 

I don’t feel this way. Like I’ve said I’ve always thought we have great sex. This is just something I do to help myself orgasm as penetrative sex alone won’t get me there. 

I’m at a bit of a loss here as I don’t see how I can enjoy our sex going forward if he doesn’t want me to help myself finish or spend the time himself to help me. I told him this and he’s said he just wanted to be honest and he feels better for having said it. I just can’t see a way to resolve this. 

So aita for doing this? It sounds like his ex girlfriends didn’t do this so maybe I shouldn’t be doing it either. I guess it makes him feel bad. ",[deleted]
AITAH for dyeing my hair pink behind my boyfriends back?,"So ever since I knew that hair dying was possible, Ive been wanting to have pink hair. I am now a teenager and can legally dye my hair without my parents consent.  
  
However, my boyfriend had been asking me not to. He said he disliked dyed hair and tattoos and piercings, etc. I really love him and I dont want him to break up with me over something like that, so we talked about it and he said if I wanted I could dye my hair, but not fully and he said no abstract colours like pink or blue or just anything not natural.  
  
So yesterday I went to my friend and we dyed my hair. I didnt dye it completely, only my bangs fully and some highlights in the back, because he said he loved my hair and didnt want me to destroy it, so I thought this was a good compromise. When I told him proudly that I had dyed my hair he only answered with ""?!"". He had threatened me before that he would give me the silent treatment if I dyed my hair fully, so now Im scared I got him mad?   
  
Im not sure if hes mad. He didnt write me again so I wondered if just dying my hair against his wished might have been an asshole move?  
My bestie had been saying if he doesnt approve of the choices I do with my body, hes not the  one, but I feel really unsure now.   
I feel like this might be a stupid question, but AITAH for disregarding his wishes?",I assume you are a young teenager. Your bf does not get to tell you whait to do with your hair.
Stuck em with kittens AITAH for laughing?,"My neighbor was having some remodeling done on his 19th century home. It was quite a lengthy project. As the contractor was there a while I’d say hello in passing etc. On weekends he sometimes would bring his 3 young children to play. It’s a safe area but on a busy road. One Saturday, as I was pulling in he came walking over and had this pissed off look on his face. Before I can even say hello, he starts cussing. Apparently while his children were playing while he was working, some lady pulls in and ask if the children wanted to hold a kitten. Of course they said yes. She gave them each a kitten, then proceeded to put her vehicle in reverse and drive away. Just left them. As he was describing this to me, he was so red faced and his eye was twitching from anger and I couldn’t help it, I lost it. It wasn’t a smile or chuckle, full on knee slapping laughter. Now as one can imagine, it didn’t help him feel better. I’m GenX so I’m not the most consoling human. Also not helpful. Still, funny wrong. AITAH for laughing?","NTA


I probably would have laughed too. "
AITAH for going no contact with my child’s father,"So long story short, I made a bad decision and slept with a man I barely knew and ended up getting pregnant. (I know it was dumb and I shame myself enough for it so I don’t need anyone else’s opinion on that part) When I first found out, the father asked me to get an abortion I told him I couldn’t do that and he said okay, then he wished death on the baby saying he hopes I get sick and lose the baby. I didn’t talk to him for a few weeks then he came back around saying he wants to be in a relationship and work things out. I really tried but he is so narcissistic, he says hurtful things and then when I tell him that what he said was wrong he says that he never said it and I’m making it up. He showed up to one appointment and hasn’t shown up to any others even after saying he’ll be there but never comes. I was just in the hospital with heart problems from the pregnancy and he never showed up and didn’t check on me or the baby.  I’m currently in a situation where I won’t get paid maternity leave and it was too late to get on short term disability so I’ll be out of work with no pay when I give birth and he can’t give me a definite answer on if he’ll help or not which I highly doubt he will after seeing how he’s been with all of this other stuff. Am I wrong for just cutting him completely off and moving away where I’ll have support and help? ",NTA. Take care of yourself and your baby. 
WIBTAH if I didn't tell my ex of 7 years about my new relationship until after he moved out?,"I (27F) was with my ex (25M) for 7.5 years. We broke up in May after repeated letdowns and broken promises to change behaviour, get help for his issues and make a proper effort with me. I love him, but I'm not in love with him and haven't been since we broke up. We signed a 1 year tenancy in June of last year while in an incredibly stressful and traumatic set of circumstances, mostly for me — trust me when I say it was the best option at the time. 

We are still close, but growing apart steadily, and it's become difficult for me to live with him. My therapist says it's only adding to stress and confusion, and preventing me from fully moving on. He volunteered to move out early if things got bad (still paying rent which he is able to do), and he knows I'm most likely gonna take him up on that.

Just under 2 months ago, a close long distance (online) friend of mine told me she wanted to try dating. I wasn't looking for anything — I just told her the casual flirting we'd been doing for a while was getting a bit too real for me, and we should probably dial back so I don't get hurt. Things have been going really well, and she's honestly so wonderful. I like her so, so much and we're so compatible. We have a long term plan for the future, if it comes to that.

Her friends know about me, her parents know. A few of my friends know about her (they're nearly all my ex's friends too, so it's less straightforward) and I'm probably going to be coming out to my mother and telling her quite soon.

I thought I was going to wait until my ex moved out to tell him, so he didn’t have to be in the same house as me to process it. He'll be very upset and I know it's going to hurt him. But I find myself wanting to tell more people, and as she becomes a bigger part of my life slowly, it seems less fair to him. Imagine if you find out your ex who you just stopped living with has had a girlfriend for a few months, and all your mutual friends have known for a while too? It's also becoming more of an overt concealment as more people in our lives know, which feels deceitful.

Genuinely not sure if I'll be the asshole for waiting. I think I might be — though it'd make living in the house *horrible* for a little while. 
WIBTA?",[removed]
AITAH for wearing a wedding dress to the bar?,"I (19F) and my friend (19F) saw this Instagram video of two friends thrifting wedding dresses and pulling up to the bar in them. We thought this would be super funny to recreate in our own local college bar so the other day we ordered the cheapest white dresses online that we could and we went off to the bar in some white sneakers we already owned and drank with people our age and everyone thought it was super funny. We’re just friends and we took a bunch of pics. I posted them and my boyfriend (20M) texted me extremely angry, saying that I’m making a joke out of our relationship, that it looks like I don’t take him seriously and that he feels disrespected. I didn’t think it was a problem at all, it’s obviously a joke. 

Two girls going to a college bar in cheap white dresses posing as brides is just harmless fun to me and we stuck together the whole night. It’s incredibly dumb and we think it’s hilarious. Stupid fun for our age. We weren’t doing any romantic poses or kissing eachother, just silly joke poses. I had previously mentioned to him in the past in passing that I found girls attractive but I never dated a girl and have never been open about my orientation or ever put a label on it, because I don’t care about that kind of stuff, and me and her are just only friends. He was kind of hinting at that and I feel really hurt. So, AITAH? ","NTA, what's his problem?  You sound like fun.  😘"
UPDAYE:aitah for wanting to break up with my boyfriend because he won’t kiss me,"today i decided to break up over text (lousy i know), he didn’t take it quite well but decision was final. the whole situation was causing me a lot of stress so i just decided to end things. 


old post below!



AITAH for wanting to break up with my boyfriend for not wanting to kiss me

me (16) and my boyfriend (18) have been dating for 6 months now, i’ve told him before that i’m only comfortable with doing what he’s comfortable with, i’m very go with the flow. we have this mutual friend and a few weeks ago when drunk he told this mutual friend that he wants to kiss me but he’s to scared to. he was also saying he feels like he’s not good enough for me and he’s afraid i’ll find someone better and leave him. when i was told this by the mutual friend i took it into account but didn’t confront my boyfriend because it’s clearly something he doesn’t want to talk about with me.

anyways, yesterday we went to the cinema to watch a movie, and i tried to lean into him and he MOVED AWAY FROM ME ☹️ he didn’t even put his arm around me or anything. one of my friends texted me during the movie and i responded to them, i saw him looking at my texts (it was literally about music recommendations), and after that he just seemed really uneasy and upset. i kept asking him if he was okay but he kept brushing it off.

when i was leaving to go because my mom was picking me up i gave him a hug that he low-key backed away from and asked him once more if he was okay. then when i was waiting outside the mall for my mom i texted him ONCE more and he was like ‘yeah but it’s stupid’. my mom then rings me saying she’s stuck in traffic so i go up to him to properly talk it out.

he tells me what he told my mutual friend and i was comforting him but then he started accusing me of not liking him and lying that i had to go because ‘i don’t want to be with him’ when he literally SAW the texts my mom sent. i was so empathetic and understanding with him but he constantly craves reassurance and our relationship doesn’t even feel like a relationship, i told my mom what happened on the way home and she feels the same as me. do i break up? i feel like our relationship could become quite toxic or is headed that way because of how insecure he is.","you’re right to protect your own peace. if he can’t handle basic affection without freaking out, that’s a red flag. break up without guilt."
AITAH for not believing my ex-girlfriend was SA'd by my brother?,"We (both 25 now) had been together for going on 3 three years at the time of the incident.

Last Christmas (2024) we were at my parents place to celebrate the holidays. My sister and my brother had gone to the shops to pick up some things. I was not in town then, but when I came back, my girlfriend told me my brother had sexually assaulted her. In the morning she reported him to the police.

Of course I was in shock, but my priority was to provide whatever comfort I could to my girlfriend. We went home that day (before Christmas Day) and then began a long period of familial difficulties.

Throughout that time I remained in contact with my brother, who assured me that he had not done what she was accusing him of. I told him his words, either way, were irrelevant, since it was a matter for the court to decide.

My girlfriend understood my reasoning for keeping in touch with him because she was certain that she'd be vindicated by his conviction.

In September, the CPS chose to discontinue proceedings, and I have since fully repaired my relationship with my brother, leading (of course) to the end of my relationship with my girlfriend.

Now, I'm sure that her account of the incident, such as it was, is what she believes in, but it would be wrong to condemn my brother of being a sexual offender in the absence of a conviction.

Now, my ex's sister (who I am very close to) is accusing me of being in the wrong. She's asking me to take into account all the other information out there about my brother, but all of that is really not germane to the matter (at least in my view)

So, AITAH for not believing my brother SA'd my ex-girlfriend?

CPS: Crown Prosecution Service (edit)","YTA I was on your side until I saw your comments. You’re an asshole, a major one. Your brother having a reputation of being predatory towards women is ABSOLUTELY RELEVANT to a sexual assault case. You sound like you’re just as bad as your brother, I pray you are single for the rest of your life to keep women safe from you and your brother."
AITAH for threatening my uncle over my little brother’s wedding?,"TW: mentions of CSA

I’m finally using this throwaway, though I wish I’d never had to.

To get right into the issue: I (30) found out a few months ago that my little brother (27) was sexually abused by our uncle for at least 3 years when we were kids. Nobody ever suspected a thing, and allowed the uncle to take him out of the country, to different states, and to have my brother stay at his house for weeks at a time over summer break. He had almost unfettered access to my brother for YEARS. It makes me sick to think about. I cried for days when he finally told me.

The problem is that he doesn’t want anyone else to know. He hasn’t told our parents, which I don’t agree with but I understand. He’s explicitly asked me to please not tell anyone, or cause any issues for him, or confront the uncle. I was upset but at the time I agreed to it. We live in different states and I hoped to just be able to avoid him, because I’m not a good enough liar to be able to pretend to be normal around him. 

Unfortunately things recently got complicated. My little brother is getting married soon to the most amazing girl (who also knows about what happened, and I’ll never be able to repay her for taking care of my brother when she was the only one who knew. She’s an amazing person and I’m so happy to have her as a sister). The time has now come for invitations/guest list decisions, and our mom has repeatedly mentioned how excited this uncle will be for him, etc etc. and it makes me want to vomit. My brother and I have talked in private, and he can’t figure out how to get around inviting this uncle to the wedding, since he was so close to our family for so many years and says he’s still afraid to confront him himself. Our mom in particular is very close to this uncle. It was terrible for me to see how upset he was at the prospect of this monster being a part of what should he the happiest day of his life. 

So I made a decision. One that I think any protective older brother would do. My fiancée and I (who also knows, amazing woman) drove to my uncles house. I played nice until he let us into the house, and then I gave him an ultimatum: if he didn’t politely decline my brother’s invitation (and send a GENEROUS wedding gift to boot) I would tell everyone what he did (there were other words and terms exchanged too, but they go against the sub’s rules. I’m sure you can put the pieces together). He was shocked that I knew and tried to tell me first that it didn’t happen, and then that it was consensual. I was seeing red at this point and repeated that if he didnt skip the wedding, I would do what I said.

The problem now is that, after I’ve had a few days to cool down, I think I’ve made a mistake. I was bluffing, I can’t tell everyone because my brother explicitly asked me not to. He also asked me not to say anything to my uncle. I just couldn’t bear the thought of my brother having to see that piece of human garbage at his wedding. I feel like I made a mistake, but I also don’t regret it. I don’t feel like there were any other options, especially because I worried about not being able to hold myself together if he was at the wedding, and doing something that would ruin my brothers day (and end up with me in jail). I also know that my brother will find out eventually, it will be very suspicious when that uncle doesn’t show up at the wedding, and I feel like he’ll know I said/did something. I don’t know if he’ll be angry with me or not. I just hope that he understands why I did what I did.

So, am I the asshole? ","NTA, but man I would have stomped him into a puddle the second he said ""it was consensual"".  "
AITAH for telling my former cohort I don’t want to stay in contact after graduating?,"I recently graduated with a degree in audio. Throughout my program, it became increasingly clear that the school was passing people regardless of skill level or effort. I don’t think I knew everything—but I *did* come in with prior experience in live sound, so even the final semester (which was supposed to be the hardest) felt very basic. We were still learning things like how to plug in cables.

A lot of my cohort simply didn’t care or put in the work. People regularly turned in assignments extremely late, showed up late, or clearly half-assed projects. During load-ins and load-outs, only about 4 of us (out of 21) consistently helped. One student, after four years, didn’t know how to plug in a cable or open a zip file—very basic skills. Another student refused to participate in required performance finals due to anxiety but never filed accommodations or paperwork, even though those finals were a major part of the degree. I’m empathetic, but this is a hands-on industry—if you refuse to participate without accommodations, I don’t see how that translates to real work. She would cry and stage and run out, imagine doing that at work..

After graduating, I started working at a live venue. I was added to an alumni group chat, which I left immediately because I didn’t feel connected to most of these people. One girl asked why I left; I politely said I wasn’t interested in staying in touch. She kept pushing and eventually said I was rude.

At that point, I got annoyed and told her the truth: aside from a few people, I didn’t think most of the cohort was serious or reliable, and based on what I saw over four years, many hadn’t learned even basic industry skills. We weren’t friends, I rarely spoke to them, and I want to surround myself with people I trust professionally and I know can plug in a simple cable....I said if were being honest, most of them aren't going to make a career in this, and Id rather not waste my time engaging with them

For additional context, this same girl was later fired on her first day at a studio for lying about her experience. I’m friends with the person who replaced her, and he confirmed she didn’t know what she claimed to know.

Now I’m wondering if I went too far by being honest instead of just disengaging quietly.","You’re NTA. You set a boundary and were honest about why you don’t want to stay in touch, it’s not rude to prioritize your own professional and personal growth. In a hands-on industry, experience and reliability matter, and it’s reasonable to want peers who match your work ethic."
AITAH for Snarking at My BF's Christmas Gift for Me because he's gotten it for his ex gf,"my BF(17) and I(17) have been dating for nearly 6 months and we were revealing what we were getting each other for xmas. After I revealed my gift (an instax camera because I knew he likes polaroid pictures), he revealed his which was a kendra scott necklace. 

I immediately got quiet instead of giving him a happy reaction. This is because I happen to know that he also got his ex gf a kendra scott necklace. I guess it just felt unspecial and a little bit icky. I started snarking at the gift and he didn't know why until I said ""think about it, we both know"" and he said after thinking a lot ""is it because I got a kendra scott necklace for my ex?"" 

By the way I want to clarify that he already knows that I know that he got a KS necklace for her, so I know he didn't do this intentionally. He started explaining that mine is not the exact same model(but similar), a different metal, different gemstone, and more expensive than the one he got for his ex, but I still felt upset, I don't know why!

Finally, he said ""Its not a darry ring im allowed to buy from kendra scott twice"" which is valid. He said I was being mean, because he just wanted to get me a pretty necklace. Afterwards, I asked my friends about it and they agreed with him. They said that he probably just prefers the look of the necklace and wanted what was best for me, and at the time, for his ex too. 

This situation has been resolved and we aren't really upset anymore but I just want to know for future reference if I was the asshole here?

","“I started snarking at the gift and he didn't know why until I said ""think about it, we both know”.

If he wanted to know why, you should have just told him why. Don’t say things like this. Communication is important in relationships, & it’s really not hard to just say what you mean."
Told my (34M) GF about (30F) past sex habits/stories. AITAH?,"My GF and I have been together for about 7.5 months. She is a bit more conservative than I and has only been with a few people. We started talking about sex and stuff and I mentioned about my body count (around 55-60). She was shocked by that. I also admitted to getting happy ending massages and just spending lots of money on dating apps and Jerkmate.
She was not happy any of it obviously. And she doesn’t like the idea of porn being in our relationship. I previously would spend about anywhere from 3-6 hours on porn on a weekend day. And sometimes 30 mins - 1.5 hours during the week. I mentioned that on dating apps I would just message girls and ask them if they wanted to hookup and sometimes they would.

AITAH for how I’ve treated sex and for how I’ve introduced it to our relationship?","You aren't compatible, your values don't align. She doesn't want a wiener that has been in any bun it can slide into, who would? How often do you get tested?"
AITAH for blocking my dad and “ruining” his birthday?,"So I (16F) have a very poor relationship with my dad (49M). I won’t get into too much detail but it is very obvious his favourite child is my older sister (18F) and I’m a burden to him.

In December 2024, my dad decided to move 3 and a half hours away to live with his parents to “start his new life”. It didn’t really bother me as I could spend less time with my dad but now he asks we travel to see him for Christmas.

For a lot of my life I have been doing archery, a few weeks ago I accidentally injured myself. It was nothing serious but it caused a scar on my cheek which I was quite insecure about.

My dad’s birthday is at the beginning of January and he was turning 50. In early December, my dad messaged me and my sister asking if we would visit for his birthday and Christmas. We agreed to travel for Christmas but not for his birthday as school would be starting when I would still be with him and I didn’t like that.

When we went down for Christmas, I still had the scar on my cheek but my makeup mostly covered it up. On Christmas morning, my dad wanted to take a photo with me and my sister, I didn’t want to because I didn’t have my makeup on but my dad forced me to so I had no choice. I asked my dad not to post the photo and he said that was okay. Over the few days we spent with him we did take some more photos, photos where my scar was covered.

Before New Year’s Eve, me and my sister traveled back home. My dad however “did not know we were leaving so quickly” and we “should of told him our plans”. We did tell him but he always made comments suggesting we should stay longer. Even though I told him I didn’t want to.

The day after me and my sister got home, my dad posted the photos of Facebook and titled it “Christmas with my beautiful baby girl.” Implying only my sister visited him and I didn’t.

I looked through the photos and noticed that he cropped out me in all the photos accept one. The photo on Christmas morning where my scar is clearly visible and very pink.

I sent my dad a message on WhatsApp saying what he did was disgusting and he did it on purpose. I blocked him on Facebook and other platforms I had him on.

3 days after my dad posted the photos it was his birthday, my sister showed me the post he made on Facebook titled, “Big 50th Birthday for me, sadly only one child wanted to wish me a happy birthday.”

On the night of my dad’s birthday, my grandma (my dad’s mum) messaged me saying I was an ass hole for blocking my dad and “he didn’t mean it”.

I asked some of my family if I’m the asshole or not, some of said I am and I could have handled it better but some are saying I’m not.

So am I the asshole for blocking my dad and ruining his birthday?

Update: 1 hour after post

Thank you all so much for the support!! Me and my sister decided that we will call my grandma and maybe talk to our dad to see if he would take down the disgusting post he made. Hopefully it goes well.

Update 2:

I talked to my grandma and as soon as she answered the call she started shouting at me that I’m disgraceful. I asked her to put me on the phone with my dad and he told me to fuck off. I told him that if he doesn’t delete the post I will go no contact with him. That silenced him as he is always used to being in control.

After about a minute he said that he never made a post on Facebook (he deleted it) and I was gaslighting myself and he told me to take my medication. I told him that he was a narcissistic dickhead and told him to suck his mums breast milk  if he was going to act like a child.

My grandma interrupted the call saying no grandchild of hers will disrespect her “baby boy”. She then told me I should get reevaluated for BPD because this is the “evil disease talking” and not the real me.

I told her that if she seriously thinks that she is insane and I’m going no contact. She hang up the call on me as soon as I said that. She messaged me right after she hung up the call saying my dad wants to disown me. Crazy how one photo caused all of this.",The only a-hole is your dad.
WIBTAH if I threaten to watch my family while they’re using the bathroom because they refuse to shut the door?,"Sounds creepy and even worse, sounds like a ragebait title but I am absolutely serious, let me explain.

I (F26) live with my mother (F60) and older brother (M32). I am moving out in approx. 3 months while purchasing a place of my own. My mother had always been a little “my way or the highway” and schedule obsessed and my older brother has struggled socially his entire life (childhood diagnosis of mild autism). My mother has no boundaries either so I don’t even know if this would work on her (she frequently walks around nude and talks about her intimate life which, good for her but I don’t need to know and talking has not helped).

This family is GASSY. Burping, shitting, hacking phlegmy coughs and doing those loud shouting yawns that drive me crazy. Which during daylight hours is absolutely fine, but at night their favourite past time is to sit on the toilet with the door wide open while doing so in the pitch black for up to twenty to thirty minutes, burping and muttering and coughing away at 2 fucking AM. This happens about 2 to 3 times a night. My bedroom is opposite the bathroom down a short hallway (10ft away from toilet) and I can hear it ALL.

Earphones, earplugs, white noise, ocean sounds, fans, I have tried it all. They are scream yawning into the abyss while letting their asses hang out to dry for twenty minutes post-piss while they whisper to themselves at 1am- 5am. And they REFUSE TO SHUT THE BATHROOM DOOR. I HAVE ASKED AND PLEADED. AFTER 3 YEARS, THEY DO NOT.

Have you ever been woken up by creepy whispers, a giggle then an unmistakeable fart noise? I nearly lost my mind. I think I already have.

So, would I be the asshole if every time I’m woken up in the middle of the night by this, I open up my bedroom door and stare at them through the darkness until I scare the shit out of them so much they get the message? The lights are never on so it’s not like I’m seeing anything, like not even faces or expressions. But they would be able to see the outline of me standing in my own doorway about 10ft away. Staring. Or should I just suck it up for the next 3 months?","Look, I get how insane this must be, but I don’t think creeping them out is going to fix the issue. I mean, they *are* kind of being inconsiderate of your space, so I totally understand why you’re fed up. But the staring thing is kinda *not it*. You’ve been clear, they’ve ignored you, and you’re 3 months from being out."
AITAH for thinking my mum is emotionally manipulating me and for not being able to cope anymore?,"Buckle up, grab a brew, because this is a long one. I’ve been writing this on and off for weeks, adding bits as things happened. I’m trying very hard to keep emotion out of it and just stick to facts.

I’m a 34F. My mum is 64F.

Background:
I was adopted by my mum and dad as a baby. When I was about 3, my dad announced he’d been having an affair. He told my mum, in front of me, that he never wanted a child and only adopted me because she wanted one. So yes, that’s been sitting with me my whole life. My mum raised me mostly alone. She dated but nothing ever stuck, and she’s always said she sacrificed everything for me. I carry a lot of guilt around that.

I still live at home for financial and practical reasons. Mum is too sick to work but hasn’t been put on benefits. She owns the house. I pay for gas, electric, food for both of us, most extras, and rent. I buy her anything she asks for. I don’t really have money left for myself, but I’m used to it. I like making people happy.

A few years ago I left a bad long-distance relationship. Mum was supportive, though she often talked about how my breakup affected her.

Recently, I got into a new relationship. This man is genuinely wonderful and, for the first time in my life, I feel safe. Because he lives closer, I’m now away most weekends.

⸻

Christmas Trip

Mum wanted to go away for Christmas, as we usually do because it’s just the two of us. I paid for the Airbnb, food, and everything else. My boyfriend came too.

From the run-up to Christmas, things were tense.

She was angry I spent a Christmas day with my boyfriend’s family, even though I invited her and she said she was too sick. I’d already done a Christmassy day with her the week before.

She complained I “never do anything Christmassy” with her, so I took a day off work. She stayed in bed all day because I wasn’t up at 8am (I got up at 9).

She kept saying she was unwell but refused to see a doctor. At one point she suggested I go on holiday without her.

The day before we left, she hadn’t packed, ironed, or wrapped gifts. I packed everything while she wrapped presents. The next morning, I was packing the cars while she stood shouting instructions but didn’t help.

We agreed to take two cars. I said I’d pick up my boyfriend and meet her there. She suddenly insisted on coming too, then screamed that I was controlling her when I explained timings. She left right after me but later denied it.

On the drive she accused us of “forcing” her to stop at McDonald’s, even though we asked what she wanted and got it.

At the Airbnb, she didn’t help unload. She got the nicer room. Fine.

She repeatedly accused me of “doing nothing,” called me useless, complained about gifts, food, films, plans. Every day when I asked what she wanted to do, she said, “I don’t mind, you do what you want,” but then later screamed that we never did what she wanted.

She sulked, walked behind us in silence, and snapped at me constantly. If I helped, I was interfering. If I didn’t help, I was selfish.

One day she said she’d cook the beef. When we got back at 4pm, she screamed at me for three hours because I brought the “wrong knife,” called me useless, and said I’d ruined Christmas.

Christmas Eve, I peeled veg while they napped so we’d have more time together on Christmas Day. She screamed that I’d ruined her plans. She cancelled Christmas Eve celebrations because it was “too cold” and refused to play games with us.

⸻

Christmas Day

She said I put no effort in and wasted money, despite gifts being things she asked for.

She criticised how I cooked the turkey. She stormed out and took the dog for a walk for three hours, refusing to let us come. I’d wanted a family walk.

She accused me of ruining the day, criticised drinks, food, timings, and said the turkey was undercooked (it wasn’t).

The next day she claimed food poisoning, yet went on a 3-hour beach walk.

While packing to leave, she did nothing but shout that we were doing it wrong. She screamed that I was selfish, ungrateful, and that everything had changed because of my boyfriend.

⸻

After Christmas

On the 29th, I went to see her. She stayed in bed and screamed at me for four hours, saying I ruined Christmas and didn’t love her.

She insisted I eat leftover beef. That night, I had severe vomiting and diarrhoea. When I told her I’d be late because I was sick, she accused me of faking it.

She commented on my clothes, saying I looked fat and awful.

She made me move my belongings upstairs so I couldn’t even use my room properly, then complained I hadn’t walked the dog. I later found out she tracks my phone.

She claimed she caught what I had (she didn’t).

Tonight, she screamed at me for over six hours because I stopped at a shop after work before bringing her tablets so she could eat.

⸻

My question

I know I’m not perfect. I snap sometimes. I probably enable a lot of this. But AITA for thinking my mum is emotionally manipulating me and exaggerating her illness? Doctors can’t find anything wrong, yet everything revolves around how unwell she is.

I feel trapped, exhausted, and guilty all the time. I don’t know how much more I can cope with.

There’s so much more, but this is already ridiculously long.

AITA?
","My dear, if your boyfriend is still interested, then he is definitely a “keeper”.  I don’t know many people who would willingly support a relationship with someone from such a toxic family situation.  Do you realize that as long as you continue to be abused by this woman you are sabotaging your own life?  I strongly suggest that you move out.  Even a simple room in a boarding house would be safer.  Therapy is an absolute must, so that you can dig down into the dynamics which keep you imprisoned in this horrible situation.  Please save yourself.  You deserve joy!"
AITAH for not trusting a family member who constantly lies about his/her life?,"It just makes me (f29) nervous that someone (cousin) who is 4 years older than me feels the need to lie about their life and accomplishments. It’s either she is trying to compete with me and she’s insecure or she has a mental problem. You’re clearly not as close with someone as you may think if the person has to lie to you.

Lying about silly things like education levels, what her ex-boyfriend was buying her, how much money she makes, and where she works. The lifestyle she tries to portray doesn’t match up with her behavior because she loves to steal and walk out on bills when dining out. Why lie about things like that when you weren’t even asked about it? I’m starting to feel like I shouldn’t trust her.",NTA. Trust your gut. Keep your distance. You don't want to be around when karma comes for her
AITAH for starting to hate my friend?,"I (19F) have known my friend (20F) Mia, since high school. We were good friends, but I started to distance myself from her because she would make derogatory statements about my attractiveness compared to hers. We stayed friends though, and graduated the same year. I hadn’t spoken to Mia in two years, until she reached out to me and asked to hang out. I said yes, and she came and picked me up. (For context, I can’t drive because my sister, 24f passed away before she could teach me, and my mother can’t bring herself to. I’m working on it.) The first hangout was good, and mostly without consequence, despite her being mildly annoying, but I just chalked it up to me being in a bad mood. 

After that week, I caught the flu. I had a fluctuating fever of 105, a migraine every day, and I couldn’t taste or smell. Mia offered to drive me to her work, so that I could get cough medicine and sausage (coincidentally the only thing I could taste.) We ran into her coworker there, who she has a crush on, and she just changed instantly. She started being loud, and laughing at everything. We went up to the deli to talk about buying some stuff and Mia tells her coworkers that she’s driving me around because I can’t drive for some reason. I clarify that it’s because my sister failed to teach me before her passing. Mia’s coworkers seemed genuinely disgusted by her actions, asking why she would say that, and that she should apologize. Afterwards, she pulled me aside and told me how she was embarrassed by that, and that I shouldn’t have said it. I told her she knew why I couldn’t drive and that I’m not going to hide the reason so she can make fun of me. 

As we walked towards the medicine isle, Mia pointed out her work crush, and asked what I thought. I’ll be honest, I didn’t really find him all that attractive, even objectively, but I didn’t call him ugly. I just kinda grimaced and moved on. Mia stayed back and announced loudly, “OH MY GOD YOU THINK HE’S UGLY?? GO TELL HIM, YOU NEED TO BE HONEST.” I asked her how she would feel if someone showed up to her work and then called her ugly for no reason, but she didn’t seem to care. After we paid for our items, I ask her to take me home, but instead, she sat in the car for about an hour, sending selfies to the guy we JUST saw inside the store. Then I tell her I can feel my fever going up, and instead of taking me home, she takes me to get ice cream. I’m lactose intolerant, and I have sensitive teeth. I do not like ice cream. She knows this. Mia insists and I spend my money on ice cream that I’m not gonna eat just so she can take me home. 

The next hangout after that, we went to go get piercings together. I actually didn’t intend to invite her, I just mentioned I was getting a piercing and she offered to take me so she could get one too. I didn’t see why not, figured maybe last time was an off day. We get to the piercer. She tells my piercer, who I’m actually pretty close with, that she drove me here bc I’m a bum who can’t drive. My piercer didn’t laugh, because he also knows why I can’t drive, and I say, particularly loudly, “yeah too bad my sister couldn’t teach me because she’s fucking dead.” Mia looked at me funny and asked if I was trying to make her feel bad, and I told her she should feel bad. 

After we get our piercings, she asks to go to the mall, and I already had stuff to do at the mall, so I said why not. On the way there, Mia tells me how she hooked up with her coworker and starts telling me in graphic detail about it. And there are some friends that I feel comfortable doing that with. She is not one of them. Every time there’s silence in the car, she starts saying things like, “He loved my tits so much, he was sucking them and licking them and nipping them, he couldn’t believe they were real, he kept squishing them and squeezing them.” She described his body down to the last vein, which felt really intrusive, and genuinely just wouldn’t shut up about it. I just ignored it bc whatever. We go to Victoria’s Secret bc after that hookup, Mia felt like she should have more lingerie. For those who don’t know, at Victoria’s Secret, they measure bra size. She and I are the same cup size, but I’m around two band sizes bigger than her. After she got sized, all she would say is “oh my god, I can’t believe my tits are so big, no wonder he liked them so much” and I’m not trying to body shame in anyway, but she has a relatively normal looking chest. They’re not like huge or anything. And I know it seems like she’s not doing anything wrong, I just feel like she wants me to be jealous. I feel like she wants me to be jealous and compete with her, but all it’s doing is really fucking annoying me. Every five seconds, she asks “Do you think I’m pretty? Do you think my tits are nice? Do you think I could get any boy I like?” In a very compliment fishy way. And I don’t mean to sound like a dick, but I do not like being friends with insecure people. It’s just so mentally draining all the time. But also, I feel like it’s not her fault for being insecure, and maybe we just don’t mesh well. I can’t tell really if there’s an actual problem, or if I’m just kinda miffed at how she speaks to me. AITAH?","why are you still hanging out with her after all that girl?

she sounds exhausting.

nta."
"WIBTAH if I reported my locally owned pharmacy for “fraud, waste, and abuse” to my health insurance?","Hello, throwaway account because this contains semi-personal information. I’m torn at what to do and my friends/family support going after the pharmacy. I would like to understand if there’s an angle here I haven’t thought of. 

I recently moved apartments within Washington DC and needed to change pharmacies. I’m a type 1 diabetic who picks up multiple prescriptions every month. There’s one singular locally owned pharmacy near me and is the closest in-network to me; this was great news as I wanted to switch from CVS for a long time but hadn’t due to convenience in other parts of the city. 

I’ve had a few issues already with the local pharmacy after using it for 1.5 months - one delay in ordering my prescription, the pharmacist generally being a bit aggressive/blunt - but I was not deterred and understand the struggle of a locally owned pharmacy. I was willing to stick it out to support them specifically because they are locally owned. 

When I picked up my prescriptions on January 7 - for the first time in 2026 and therefore the first time under my new insurance plan year - the cashier told me there would be new “service fees” attached to some of my prescriptions. I asked what those were. The pharmacist quickly jumps to the front and explains that United Health Care (UHC) insurance is no longer reimbursing to the full cost of my medications, so on top of my copays, I would need to pay a “service fee” to make up the difference; if I did not pay the service fee, this pharmacy would not give me my prescriptions. I told them I would pay just this time because I needed the medications today in order to continue living normally (remember, type 1 diabetic) and would be calling UHC immediately after to investigate. I asked whether such a “service fee” would be tacked on in the future, and I was given a murky response from the pharmacist - “well, maybe, if UHC doesn’t cover more in the future, then probably.” I get these medications every 30 days, so I need to know that. 

Cost wise, I ended up paying \~$45 in “service fees” on top of my copay amounts (which are slightly higher in January before I meet my pharmacy deductible). So, I paid \~$185 for my three prescriptions rather than \~$140, which is the total I was expecting. 

I call my insurance immediately after leaving and am very forward that I do not like what they are doing to my local pharmacy. I work in the healthcare field and know that UHC is not the “good guy” in pretty much any scenario. UHC is, to my disdain, extremely helpful. They tell me it is against their contract with any in-network pharmacy to charge any kind of “service fee” on top of the copay; these terms are negotiated annually between UHC and pharmacies. It’s the same type of information printed on a person’s insurance card. 

UHC calls the pharmacy while I’m on the line (which I could not hear), and the pharmacist allegedly tells them the same story I heard: UHC is not reimbursing enough for these medications, and the pharmacy would lose money if they filled it to me without the service fee. UHC learns additional technical information: the pharmacy was charging me two different service fees, each of which were handwritten on my RX scripts next to my copay amount, and those “service fees” included \~10-20% “profit margin” over the break-even point for the pharmacy. If the pharmacy wanted to “break even” with me, they would’ve charged \~$13 in service fees. I have those specific numeric breakdowns in case folks think that’s what this case hinges on. UHC is very happy because this was all on a recorded line, and the pharmacist is agreeing to charging fees that are against contract with UHC. 

It’s in UHC’s best financial interest to squeeze this local pharmacy out of business. They prefer me, the patient, to fill my prescriptions through OptumRx (which UHC owns) or go to a big pharmacy like CVS/Walgreens. UHC is notorious for being “my way or nothing” when doing their annual contract updates. I know that the local pharmacy is struggling, but I’m not the one who signed/agreed to UHC’s terms and I don’t want to pay an extra $45/month in “service fees.” I also know pharmacists have actively been fighting insurers/PBMs in court and in Congress, and PBM reform is on the horizon, but far too late for most local shops. I hate this scenario. 

The pharmacy calls me shortly after being on the phone with UHC. She tells me they will no longer serve me - a diabetic who is in their preferred network of plans - if I’m unwilling to pay the service fees. I tell her that it’s ridiculous that UHC is not reimbursing them more, but it’s not the patient’s problem, and that I won’t accept a $45/month surcharge on top of copays at an in-network pharmacy. She and I go back and forth and it’s fairly amicable. She’s set in her ways though: if I go back to the local pharmacy, I will pay the service fees. I’m also essentially shamed by the pharmacist - they’ve lost “$10,000 in the first week of 2026 already” and the pharmacist is “just trying their best to make it.” I immediately transfer all my prescriptions to either OptumRX (mail order) and the 2nd closest in-network pharmacy to me, CVS.  

In order to “possibly” get my $45 back, UHC wants me to file a “fraud, waste, and abuse” claim against this locally owned pharmacy. Because of the proof attached to this claim (recorded convo with the pharmacist, handwritten receipt tying the service fees to the prescriptions on top of the copays), it would likely end with UHC terminating their contract completely with the pharmacy. No one with UHC insurance could go there and be considered in-network anymore. The pharmacist actually addressed this with me and told me she “didn’t care” if that happened because UHC isn’t paying her enough anyway. 

So…. WIBTAH if I filed this fraud claim with UHC? Or do I eat the $45 cost and accept my fate of having to move to OptumRX/CVS for all future transactions, without any recourse? For what it’s worth, I spent \~6 hours on and off the phone dealing with this issue. I’m torn only because this is a locally owned pharmacy. They’re in the wrong, and are 100% charging these fees to others who may be less aware than I am, but if there’s an angle here I’m not thinking of, let me know. Welcome to the hell of US-based healthcare! ",NTA. I would file the claim.
AITAH I found photos of my girlfriend,"I've been dating for about 3 years and I've always taken this relationship very seriously, even thinking about the future and marriage.
Recently, while looking through my girlfriend's phone, I discovered that in 2022 — before we started dating — she was posting photos on her Instagram ""close friends"" wearing lingerie and showing her breasts. They weren't private photos sent to someone specific, they were stories, even if only to a select group.
Since I found this out, I've been very conflicted. Part of me knows that this was before the relationship and that technically she didn't owe me anything back then. But another part feels extremely uncomfortable, insecure, and even deceived, because this type of exposure goes completely against the values ​​I thought we shared. Today, obviously, she doesn't do that, and she tells me that she feels disgust and repulsed by what she used to do.
I can't stop thinking about whether I'm being immature or if I'm ignoring an important sign about compatibility of values. I'm afraid to move forward, get married, and then carry this discomfort as resentment.

My question is genuine: is this a valid reason to end a 3-year relationship, or am I exaggerating?","People change, learn, and grow. She says she feels disgust and repulsed by what she used to do… I think you should move forward in your relationship based on who she is today and not who she was before you started dating."
AITAH My 31M Wife 34F made me change swimsuits on vacation.,"My wife and I recently went to the San Diego area and stayed at a hotel with 21+ pools. Back home, I swim laps every day, and packed swim briefs hoping to wear them on vacation as well as swim some laps in the larger pools. 

On the first day, we went to the pools. I had a swim brief on under shorts. She went into a hot tub, and I followed behind her after taking off my shorts. When she noticed what I was wearing, she said ""no way, turn around and put shorts on"". I was mortified/embarrassed because there were 6 people in the hot tub, as well as others in lounge chairs next to us. Probably 25-30 people total. Everyone heard/watched. I did a walk of shame back to our stuff to put shorts on and had such a pit in my stomach knowing people were watching.

When packing for the trip, I brought 4 briefs and 1 pair of shorts. For the rest of the trip I kept having to put wet shorts back on because I didn't bring extras. 

AITAH? I feel pretty disappointed about it for many reasons. ","Why did you listen?

She doesn't get to police your clothing or body shame you.

Next time she does, tell her you'll be picking her swimsuit next time...see how she likes that."
AITAH for accidently leaving my drunk boyfriend with a friend while I went to the bathroom?,"**OR: AITAH for accidently waking up my friend after leaving my drunk boyfriend while i went to the bathroom?**

I want to preface this story by saying that this happened a while ago, but I've been thinking about it recently and wanted to get a public opinion.

At the time, I, 18F and my (now ex) boyfriend, 19M, who I will call Mark (fake name) for the purpose of this story, met at summer camp. We were both employees and became cocounselors of a group together on the first week, forcing us to get to know each other pretty well as we were together 24/7 except for when we were asleep in our cabins.

The way our summer camp works is that the kids come on sunday and leave on friday, giving the counselors half of friday, all of Saturday, and half of sunday off. Of course, we are dumb teenagers, and we decide every weekend that ​that is the perfect time to get wasted before the next round of kids comes.

We do this pretty much every weekend, so much that is came down to a routine. (Before you flame me for drinking underage, I know this is bad but peer pressure exists and it is VERY normalized where I am) Every friday, we walk to a public park/boat launch and drink/swim/listen to music and have a good time. This particular weekend, Mark decides to drink a lot more than he usually does, and gets very drunk. I, being the unfortunate sober girlfriend, have to walk him back to his bed.

The way our camp is set up is one long road, with one main building first, then the girls housing, and then the boys housing last. I had his arm over my shoulder and my arm around his waist, and I began to walk a very drunk Mark to the boys housing. At this point I was barely tipsy, but I did have to use the bathroom since I was drinking occasionally along with everyone else. I decide in my mind that I will stop by the girls housing, which is before the boys, the use the bathroom quickly before bringing Mark into bed. This was logical to me at the time, since I didn't think anyone was staying in the girl's housing over the weekend, and there was a bathroom on the first floor.

Before going into the bathroom, I open the door to what I thought was an empty bedroom, so I could sit Mark down because I didn't trust him to stand or walk without hurting himself. I opened the door and turned on the light, waking one of my coworkers who I'll call Marie for privacy. Marie is reasonably startled, since I've just turned the light on while she was sleeping, but more confused than upset in the moment. I apologized profusely, and told her that I had to use the bathroom really badly, and I was helping Mark to his bed. After using the bathroom the fastest I ever have in my life, I rushed back into the room. I explained to Marie that Mark was intoxicated and I didnt trust him to get to bed by himself, that I thought the bedroom would be empty since it was the weekend, and that I wasn't thinking. I apologized one more time, and she seemed satisfied with my explanation before I left with Mark to bring him to bed.

The next day, rumors had already spread that I woke up Marie in the middle of the night, left Mark in the room with her, and then left. According to her story, Mark was so drunk that he was banging on the walls and scaring her. First of all, I was gone for maybe 1 minute. Second, the bathroom is directly across the hallway from the bedroom, and both doors were open. If I looked through a crack of the bathroom stall, I would have seen both of them in the other room. Obviously, this means I could hear everything that was happening in the other room as well, and I didnt hear either of them say a word.

After I heard her rumors, I took her aside privately and apologized once again. I explained how I wasn't thinking and how I was caught up in the moment. She gave me a sincere look and told me not to worry about it. She told me she was just confused and that it wasn't even on her mind anymore.

The day after that, Mark told me that he had a meeting with both of our bosses. We were both super confused. We both knew that we were drinking underage, which is illegal, but so was **everyone else** that was a part of staff, including Marie.

Mark came to me afterward in shambles, saying that Marie had told our boss that just me, Mark, and a few other people were drinking underage, being violent around her, and being too publicly ""intimate"" and it was making **her** uncomfortable. (Keep in mind, **she was also drinking, we were never violent or unkind, and we barely touched each other around others)** She spun the entire thing onto us, told our boss who knows what about me setting my crazy drunk boyfriend loose into her room at night, and got Mark **fired.**

I understand, once again, that what we all decided to do was bad. We were all stupid teenagers, but we've all been there. I do not encourage underage drinking.

Looking at this objectively, I do not think I am the asshole. A few coworkers took my side, while some took Marie's. I still don't know what to think about this but I am curious what others may think. So, am I the asshole for accidently leaving my drunk boyfriend with a friend while I went to the bathrom?",Marie being a drama-stirring liar is the problem. NTA
AITAH for never wanting to date a man with no support system again.,"I,21F, started dating my ex boyfriend,22M, 1.5 years ago. When it started it was nice, he had everything in life, a nice paying job, a car, lots of friends and etc. Fast forward 6 months I decide to move in with him, he got a new place and at the time he had been living alone and i thought it’d be nice since rent is cheap and wouldn’t be a hassle. Until, he gets fired from his job. It was devasting and the start to hardship in our relationship, but he had money in his savings so it wasn’t too bad. He eventually finds a job and everything is falling back into place. And then his car exploded on the highway, his car was a bit of a drive since he has no support system and basically no one since he moved away from his friend and i was his only help but I couldn’t do much for him. I was juggling nursing school and work at the same time so i was pretty booked and busy. This was the start to every problem. He eventually couldn’t afford the ubers to work and i kept telling him to try public transportation or even a bike and he kept refusing, but luckily he found a new job that was closer. He wakes up too late and misses orientation, this leads him to start a week later. At this point i was having big anxiety. He then gets his offer rescinded from the job, it was already the 3rd week into the month meaning rent was coming up soon. This lead me to spiral and go insane, he then began to blame me for the reason he can’t afford rent because I didn’t let him use my car even though I had work AND school. I eventually make efforts to pay rent, just to find out he didn’t pay last months rent, meaning he stole all the money I gave him last month. I eventually break up with him because i felt like he was getting too comfortable putting his shit on me like I’m his mother. And now I swear not to date men with no support system because of how traumatizing this was to me.","You don't owe anyone a relationship with you, so you don't need strangers to validate your criteria for which human you think will add value to your life. 

If you were like, ""I want only men that look NOTHING like my father, so no small noses,"" as long as you're not out bullying the small-nosed dudes, you're okay. You're just saying no, no biggie. If you're like, ""I am not willing to date someone who's not a millionaire,"" it would raise eyebrows if you publicized that and you might stay single, but that's your choice. You don't have to tell anyone your criteria. You can just swipe left and say no thank you, ad infinitum, till you pick someone you like or you don't. 

In-laws have been, historically, a crucial part of choosing a mate. I know plenty of people who after a bad relationship, were like, ""I will not date any man whose mother I'm not 100% sure about."" Wanting a strong support network is normal. 

A dude making you his entire support network at 6 months in while stealing your money isn't normal. Like that's a very bad dude. Wanting to avoid men like that and especially wanting to avoid scenarios where you're in any way trapped with a fairly new boyfriend is valid. 

But if you find someone you really like who doesn't have a system yet, you might decide to wait and see if they build one. Most healthy people will build support systems in a new situation if given time. (Though I might be a little skewed in my perception of this; military spouse life was a series of community-building trust-falls that either led to horror movies or lifelong friendships, and it did skew slightly towards the lifelong friendships.)"
AITAH for telling my brother he's overreacting to my mom and I giving advice?,"So I(22F) have a brother(24M), and our dad is not in the picture anymore. My mom(46F) is married to my step-dad(49M). So my brother is 5'8"" and my step dad(he is actually our dad to us, but you'll see why I say step-dad for now) is 5'6"", mom is 5'2"" and I am 5'7"". I can't even believe I have to do something as childish as list heights, but here we are omg. 

So my brother hasn't been speaking to the family much since Thanksgiving. He normally calls us once every couple of days, and facetimes my parents. But since Thanksgiving he hasn't been doing it. My mom has been increasingly worried, and he has been sometimes straight up ignoring her or just sending one word answers. 

Anyway, enough was enough, and he was in town to visit us today and my step-dad made him sit down and ""hash whatever beef there is"". He then confessed he was bothered by something my mom and I did. Our cousin who visited us during Thanksgiving is seeing this guy, and things were getting serious, and she said he may pop the question soon. She even talked about future kids she would have with him(he is a different race, and they would have mixed kids) and the challenges of teaching the kid both cultures. My mom asked her how tall he was, and she said the guy was 6'3"" and my mom said, ""oh good, you can have tall kids"" or something like that. It was honestly so trivial, I forgot. I made a joke saying, ""yes, mom, \[cousin\] and I know our worth, and short kings are not for us, we need real men not boys"" or something along those lines(once again, it was from months ago and I was a bit tipsy) and we just laughed. A harmless joke that just helps her prop up her man. I obviously don't think height matters like that, I am not shallow. My current boyfriend and I fell in love online, before I even knew his height, and I didn't even know how tall he was until we met in person for the first, 6 months into dating online. My brother also knows this.  

So apparently this is the reason why my brother hasn't been talking to my mom, or me either(I never noticed, since we usually just send tiktoks to each other, I assumed he was just busy and uninstalled the app, since he does that when work gets rough sometimes). I told him he is a baby for being offended by a joke. My mom also told him to get over it, and it was harmless, and so what he's short. Then he made HUGE OVERBLOWN statements like how my mom CURSED him with short genes, since our biological father was 6'4""(according to my mom she told him when we were kids apparently and promised him he would be tall cuz she chose right to reassure him when he was bullied one day). Since she CURSED him, she had no right to talk down to him. I told him that's taking it too far and my mom started crying, and my dad took him out on a walk to cool him down. 

Anyway, he left without coming home, and told my dad he's never coming home again to people that don't respect him. I told him, as a jest, you can be short or have short man energy, so pick a struggle. It was supposed to a be a joke to make him see how silly he was being, and now I am blocked. He blocked my contact, and blocked me across all platforms, and I cried a bit too. 

AITAH? It was a simple statement, made MONTHS ago that I think he's overreacting to. My mom and I obviously love him, and he thinks we don't respect him. My mom even tried telling him that she wouldn't be with our step dad if she really thought that way. But he thinks we are shallow and judge people based on height. Idk what to do. ",YTA it was a rude thing to say.
AITAH for joking back?,"My boyfriend (31) and I (27) were playing around and joking today, you know how couples do, poking light fun at each other. I was getting around for bed and didn’t have clothes on, he comes and gave me a hug. For context, I’m white and he is black. 

He’s like “ooo okay chicken butt.” I’m like haha what, he’s like ya no color! I’m like haha no it’s just pink, he’s like exactly, chicken! Your butt looks like chicken. So I go, haha okay burnt toast. Now, we’ve been together for a year in a few weeks. And idk I thought we were just messing around. I understand that the jokes weren’t “equal” in the sense that the one I made has a racist history even if that’s not how I meant it. 

But he’s very hurt by it which I didn’t mean obviously and he keeps ranting about it and that I should never feel that comfortable to say that to a black man. I said well you’re not a random black man you’re my boyfriend and I thought we were joking around. He’s like “it doesn’t matter, I can make a joke all day about ur color I can call you cracker it doesn’t matter but you can never speak on mine and if a black girl heard it you would have got your ass beat.” 

Obviously I won’t say anything like that again because he didn’t like it. I grew up with a few black friends and was seeing a black guy before him too and that type of joke would have been fine. I know everyone is different so I guess we’re just still figuring each other out. But he’s like “I didnt think you were the type to go there” and all that. 

Also for context, at least once a week he genuinely asks me to say the n-word, which i always refuse of course. I ask him why and he says cause it would be funny. Well tonight when talking about the burnt toast comment he admitted that it was always a test and I always passed. I’m like okayyy?? To me that’s weird. Idk I’ve always thought it was weird to “test” your person regardless of what it was about. Idk I guess that’s slightly unrelated. 

AITAH for jokingly saying my black bf looked like burnt toast after he said my butt looked like chicken? ","NTA Never heard burnt toast before.  You're right, if you're close enough he would understand you mean nothing by it.  You were commenting on the color of your butt cheeks.  I thought it was a funny comeback.

I agree there are some things you should never say to a black person.  He's being too sensitive."
AITAH for resenting my mum after her brain haemorrhage?,"I’m 31 f and my mum had a brain haemorrhage back in 2016. Since the brain haemorrhage, she's not been the same. She was in a coma for a long, long time. She had to learn to talk and walk again. The hardest part is that she struggles understanding emotions and her personality is so different: she is overly emotional all the time but lacks all emotion understanding at the same time. She also lies often about completely trivial things or things she has done wrong to make herself look better. 

With me and my brother, she constantly messages saying how much she loves me and starts every message with ‘my beautiful, smart, gorgeous angel.’ She texts me these things everyday and once clocked 20 texts whilst I was working. But despite being overly emotional on this front, she lacks everything that made her my mum before: humour, whit, guidance, courage, intelligence and confidence.

Her relationship with my dad has completely broken down as well. They sleep in separate bedrooms and my dad is exhausted from working a manual job in his 70s to support her. She gives nothing back to him and just sits around all day when she could do little bits around the house to help him. For example, she makes her own lunch and will sometimes cook dinner but won’t tidy or clean up. Their home has fallen into complete disrepair: its dirty and messy. My dad is too exhausted to do anything about it and my mum doesn’t even seem to notice or care.

I feel like these emotions have been flooding back to me as I am 4 months post partum and it pains me to see my little boy with his grandma as I imagine what things would have been like if she hadn’t had her brain haemorrhage. She invites herself over all the time to see him often without asking first. When she gets here, she does nothing to help me and instead just wants to sit in a chair and hold him. She expects me to make her drinks or lunch when she is here too. My son senses something isn’t right and simply cries when he is with her, but, through no fault of her own, she doesn’t register this and continues to hold him telling him how beautiful he is whilst he wails. There has even been a time when he was coughing and gagging from crying so hard but she’s refused to hand him back as she doesn’t register it is an issue. I got upset and snatched him from her and shouted at her. This is something I feel incredibly guilty about and I started sobbing. She didn’t even notice or acknowledge this. Another time she didn’t tell me she had a bad cold and proceeded to hold him anyway. I only found out after my dad called me to check she hadn’t as he had warned her not to before she came over (I was also upset he hadn’t messaged me first).

Being honest, there are times I wish she hadn’t made it through. How my dad could have moved on and found someone new to live his final years with, how I wouldn’t feel guilty for being frustrated with her and everyone wouldn’t feel like they had to look after her all the time. Everyone tells me how lucky I am that she survived but I feel like this is worse. AITA for feeling this way? 

","No, you are not.

What you experience is the pain that comes with losing a loved one. Even if your mom survived, it's not really her anymore. Not really. The character she was, the traits she had are wiped out or distorted.

What you experience is very common among relatives of critically ill people for example. Often, relatives of cancer patients wish secretly to just have them die. Not because they want their beloved dead, but because they simply want the agony and the wait and the pain to be over. Similarly, relatives of people with neurological damage simply wish that things would just stop, and either revert, or be over. Nothing harder than being reminded every day what you lost in such vivid display.

You are not alone OP. I strongly recommend a group therapy for you. There are thousands of people who suffer from what you suffer from. They have developed coping mechanisms, understanding, and found comfort in knowing they are not alone. This may help you tremendously.

So again. NAH.

Remember: what doesn't kill us doesn't always make us stronger. Sometimes, like with your mom, it breaks us subtly and leaves us in pieces."
AITAH for stamping my little brother?,"I was painting in my room when my brother (10yo) walked in (looking for attention) and started slapping and pulling me, i stood up from my chair and Tried to calm him down (he was in a bad  mood) then he walked up to my desk and painted a penis on it, then he began to shake my christmas tree. I saw what he painted on the desk so i pressed my palm onto the ""painting"" and stamped his forehead with a big white smeared up dick, then i dragged him to the bathroom where i scrubbed the stamp off his head, i know that what i did was very bad but i think it was funny as Hell ",I wouldn't have scrubbed it off. I would have let him worry about having to go to school like that for awhile.
AITAH Am I an asshole for arguing with my boyfriend because he brought me home?,"Hello everyone! This is my first time here, so if anything is wrong with the description, please let me know.

Let's start with the fact that it was my birthday that day, and my boyfriend and I had planned it a week in advance, including a trip out of town with an overnight stay, etc.

The day started off wonderfully; he picked me up with flowers and a gift. We drove to the mountains, then to the planned destination, and as it turned out, there were no available rooms. I thought he'd booked everything in advance and prepared everything, but no. I thought, okay, that's okay, so we left, stopped for something to eat, and then he told me he had work the next morning and had to leave now. He asked me to look on the map for an open sushi bar, saying he needed to get some sushi for his nieces who were visiting him. I was taken aback and, frankly, didn't believe it at first, but he drove me home. We drove in silence, even when I got out of the car. He probably saw my displeasure, but he didn't say anything. I found it very strange and inconsistent, because if he knew he had to go to work in the morning, why didn't he tell me right away? Why did we go out of town and see if there were any rooms available for us? If there were, then what? Would we have stayed there, and how could he have left in the morning? And this sushi... I found it strange, because why would they wait until he arrived almost at midnight? They could have ordered it or asked his brother, who was also at home with them, to bring it. So, I thought about it all while he was driving home and decided to text him, saying I was unhappy with what happened. And he started saying how ungrateful I was, that I didn't appreciate what he did that day, and that I didn't understand how hard it would be for him at work in the morning if he stayed with me all night. I said that we had actually planned this, and you only told me about the change of plans at the end of the day, to which he simply replied that I was a little girl who didn't understand anything yet, and that I could have kept quiet since we were both already home and that there was nothing to change. I got angry and said that I was very grateful for his efforts, but he could have just warned me and that since I was such a little girl, why couldn't he, as a grown man, take responsibility for what he promised me? Yes, maybe it was rude, but I didn't know what to write after he said I didn't understand anything and didn't think about him. Although before that, he worked very hard and we might not see each other for several days, and I just waited for him. When he asked for help at work, I came and helped. I understood when he had financial problems, which he said he felt embarrassed about in front of me, and after all this, he tells me that I don't understand him? Damn, I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible on this day! On my birthday! Now we haven't spoken for three days, it worries me. Maybe I went too far?","If he had to go home for work, why was he pretending you'd stay over? And his nieces were at his house? WTF? 

Maybe you went too far? If you are still with him you didn't go far enough."
AITAH Had a play date without Mom,"I (43M), married ~12yrs to 41(F), recently spent a solo weekend with our 2 young kids.  Wife (A) had to go out of town for a trip (helping a grieving friend).

On Saturday, the kids begged me for a play date with their friends  from school.  I said I would ask the friend's father if they helped clean up the house.  Kids did their part.  I sent the message.  Playdate was agreed to.  

I did attempt to call my wife (A), twice, but was not answered.  I did not text.  

Later that evening, the friends wife (z) messaged mine (a) to clarify the plans.  My wife (a), now aware and seeing the plans for the first time told the friends wife (b) she was out of town and wouldn't be there.  I also got a call from my wife expressing concern.  

Long story short, the playdate did occur, the mom (b) showed up without the husband and my wife is super pissed I didn't tell her to go home and to do this another day.

Edit:  He decided to stay home and watch a game.  My Wife found out after the play date it was just the mom that came.

Small details: the kids are super friends.  The couple are married and have been to our house before.  While not super close friends, I figured we were all on good terms.  We've gone to a dinner with them in the past, lots of bday parties, etc.
There has never been and never will be any infidelity in our relationship...but I feel like this is mostly what this is about.  

So, am I the AH for not turning away the woman and her kids to reschedule another day?


Edit, Clarity on when wife found out was only wife that came.
Edit 2: wife swears I never asked her to change the playdate if she was concered

Edit 3: playdate was at our house if this matters.  It was very cold outside and I really didn't want to go anywhere anyway.  The friends live a few streets over.  Seemed easy to just do it here than somewhere else.",NTA. Is this a gender issue I assume? If so your wife is insanely insecure and needs to get a grip.
AITAH for removing my ex off social media?,"My ex and I were planning to get engaged when I came back from traveling for work. As soon as I came back I meet up with her and she starts crying profusely and telling me that her parents dont want us together for reasons they wont explain. I try to contact her father only to realize he blocked me.

So I tell her we’ll get through this and we’ll find out why they’re mad and despite her parents refusing to meet my father (who flew in specifically to meet them from another country). Few days go by and she tells me its better if we dont talk now out of respect for her parents wishes but that she will still try everyday to convince them to talk to me so I can see what happened and how to fix it.

As the days went by she calls me everyday at 3am crying saying she misses me even though we had agreed not to talk. I try to console her everytime and go back to bed. Then after that during a 2 week period we occasionally text back and forth, sometimes she starts it and sometimes I do. Then one morning she tells me her mother caught on and we need to stop talking. A couple of days go by and I try to text her only to find out she has me blocked on whatsapp.

I decide to call her up she answers and tells me she blocked me because we keep texting and she is too weak not to text me when its right there. She also tells me she did it because she thinks its better for both of us to move on. I got confused and hurt because just 2-3 days prior we were texting saying we will both give the issue time and stand together and pray until its fixed, only to discover she blocked me and has already started her moving on, without having the courtesy to tell me to do the same and I only find out that she started moving on by coincidence after texting her to find out I was blocked.

I felt disrespected because I was always there for her when she needed to vent about the issue, but decided to block me and start moving on without so little as a courtesy call when in my mind we were still both trying to fix things, and knowing how hung up on her I am. My friends told me I should remove her from social media just for my own sake and healing, so I did but it wasnt to get back at her for anything. She discovers that I removed her the next day and calls me and tells me that I’m pathetic and who would do such a childish thing and makes me feel bad for removing her because we have 0 mutual friends so we will pretty much never know anything about eachother again. I told her I removed her for the disrespect not out of spite for anything she did and that it was better for me not to constantly see her.

So reddit AITAH?","You’re not the asshole. She ignored boundaries, gave mixed signals, and disrespected you. Removing her from social media was a healthy way to protect yourself, not revenge"
AITAH for breaking things off with my JW coworker,"I, (25M) started working at a coffee job spring of last year, just to find out that someone I went to high school with also works there, her (22F) made me feel at home at the store, offering advice and mentoring me essentially. She'd text me and I'd be too busy to reply but when I did the conversations just flowed effortlessly. We started talking more and more, I started to develop feelings towards her and she, I. We'd hang out outside of work and have flirty banter. I'd cook for her and she'd do the same for me. We'd sing along to music in the car, compliment each other often, take photos together, go on adventures, I'd write/draw her notes and she'd do the same for me. Late night convos over the phone deep Into the night. Our first kiss was on her birthday (ironically) we've been intimate a couple of times, never sexually. But there's been a lot of intimate moments. It was honestly magical.

I'd isolated myself for the last 3-4 years around COVID time, isolated myself from my friends, family, lovers etc. I was in a bad place mentally and I just felt like I didn't deserve to be loved. I worked on myself during that time, got my diploma and started getting back into shape. So when I met her it was like a breath of fresh air. She's hilarious, affectionate, empathetic, generous, a great listener and a sight for sore eyes, etc. All qualities I admire in a partner. I'd even venture to say she's the best lover I've had so far. 

But, there's always a but. She's a JW, a devout one at that volunteers/attend meetings multiple times a week. I however am what you call a luke warm Christian, I'll pray when I need to, go to church when I feel like it, I like to practice my faith individually away from the judgeful eyes of the church (My church at least). I just asked her today what the future was going to look like for us her being JW and what not. I explained holidays and birthdays are big in my family and would love to share those moments with her and my family, I asked if she'd attend family gatherings and not engage in the festivities or if I'd have to go alone to all of them. I also asked if the kids would be raised in the same faith as her etc. I was omw back from music lessons and she happened to be on her break, so I stopped by at work and she came to the car and she started crying before even getting in, it devastated me, seeing her hurt and there was nothing I could do about it, but I knew I had my answer. We talked for the whole 30 minutes with her intermittent cries, I tried to comfort her to the best of my ability and give her space to process it. We didn't establish what the nature of our relationship will be moving forward. 

I've done the whole leading women on thing in my late teens, early 20s and it's a recipe for disaster and I've been working through that. Being less selfish that is. I'm working on being honest about my intentions and feelings just to ensure me and my partner are on the same page.

My question is how do I navigate this moving forward, will I ever find someone else as good as this woman who loves me unconditionally and shows me she does, do I continue to be flirty/hang out with her at/outside of work? The late night convos do they cease completely? We started off as friends I guess that's why it feels so frustrating because it feels like I'll be loosing a good friend by creating distance between us both? How do I keep composure seeing her moving on w/o me? 

What do you think? 

","NTA. Religion aside, you both want different experiences in that aspect. You were not leading her on, you simply found an area of disagreement and immediately decided to work it out. This is the most mature thing you could have done, and it is not your fault that you both just want different things/have different perspectives. For advice, I would say to give her space to think for a while, then sit her down to talk. Ask her if things are serious/what she's willing to compromise on/how she sees your relationship moving forward/etc. Your last questions will be answered once you sit her down and talk about your intentions. Sorry to hear this, and I hope you are finding happiness in other things as well to get you through a hard time. "
AITAH for telling my friends that I trust my mom's opinion more than them?,"I have a condition that resulted in me fainting every time I had my period. It isn't directly linked to my period but my period makes it worse.
I started fainting when I was on my period 2 years ago. It happened about 4 times before I saw a doctor as I have a history of accidently letting myself become extremely dehydrated and we originally believed that to be the cause.
I'm now in medication that effects my period as I've been told they have nothing to fix my condition directly. 

My friends really dislike my mom due to how long she waited to get me to see a doctor, she didn't take me to hospital when I hit my head once when I fainted (she wasn't even with me at the time and still demanded my dad try to check if I had a concussion), not taking me to the doctor's for 13 years (because there was nothing wrong with me), and a whole list of things that they claim to be emotional abuse (I won't go into any detail about that because I don't believe any of it).

Recently, I've been feeling lightheaded and dizzy more often at school when I get up of move too fast. I know I can't really do much about it because my doctor said all I can do is eat more of certain foods. My mom has said she won't take me to the doctor's because it doesn't happen often (she was talking about a school holiday where I was laid down most of the time but who cares). My friends have started telling me to demand that my mom takes me to the doctor's and some just tell me to get myself sent home whenever it happens and she'll see that I ""need a doctor"". I always just ignored them or told them my mom would be mad if I got sent home for something like that (feeling lightheaded rarely happens and the dizziness disappears in seconds). They started getting mad about it and once again claiming she was abusing me and calling he horrible names. One friend even told me that she started telling her mom about my situation and saying her mom agreed with them.

I told them to just leave it alone as my doctor agreed that there's nothing else she can do. I also told them I wouldn't be purposely getting out of school just to prove a point as I want to go to a fairly competitive college soon and I've been desperately working to get the right grades. I eventually told them that my mom would never abuse me and if she was emotionally abusive towards me, she's not very good at it because I don't see it affecting me in any way.

They told me I'm just blind to the situation and need to fix my priorities.

I told them I'll always trust my mom more than them and we haven't spoken since.","It's not an a-hole thing, it's a being stupid thing. You're being stupid. Kids need medical checkups even when ""nothing is wrong"" with them. A lot of issues aren't obvious. 

Did your doctor tell those things to you directly, that there's nothing that can be done, or are those words passed by your mother?

You're obviously getting worse, but your mother refuses to get you re-checked, even though when symptoms of the previously unknown issue are getting worse is exactly the prime time where the chances of discovering the root of the issue are increasing."
WIBTAH If I got a new job.,"I am my mom's caretaker. She is my adopted mom. I go with her to her appointments and shopping, help cook and clean and help with whatever she needs. I've even had to clean feces on multiple occasions. I decided to be her caretaker because I needed a job and she needed the help at home. My job requires that I must live with her and I cannot have any other jobs. Despite this, she makes me pay $500 a month in rent.

 On January 3rd she found out I had a cat along with my brother's cat. (she already knew about his) The landlord said we couldn't keep them because of the smell. The next morning she woke me up at 7:30 am. My brother was at work at this time. She ordered us to kick out the cats and refused to drive us to a shelter. (I can't drive) I gave the cats wet food as a ""final meal"" of sorts. My mom called my older sister and asked if the cats were outside yet. She explained to my mom that I was taking a moment to cry. My mom responded by shouting ""now"" into the phone. I learned the next afternoon that the cats didn't leave the property. I've been feeding them in secret and have a kennel with a blanket hidden but accessible for them to use. 

A few days ago my cousin wanted my older brother and I to get out of the house so she invited us to her apartment. My cousin asked to take us the moment she stepped in the door.SI told my mom we were leaving and asked if she needed anything. This started an argument. She claimed that I had to take care of her 24/7. This is false. Technically speaking I only work 35 hours, 5 days a week. My cousin pointed this out. My mom got upset and told me to not come back. 

I returned a few hours later and helped my mom get ready for bed. While doing so she kept insisting I work 24/7. I corrected her. She got upset and told me to find a different job and she could find a new caretaker. She's been switching between mean and nice off and on. 

There are a few other reasons I want to switch jobs. I don't have a social life besides a few online friends and my family. I want to be social again. I've basically become the house maid since keeping the house clean is part of my job. My older sister and younger sister don't do what few tasks I give them. My younger brother helps when he can but he's usually busy. If I decide not to clean, nothing gets done. 

The final reason is an incident from one of her hospital stays. I don't get paid while she's in the hospital. She knows this. Despite this I stay with her in the hospital the whole time. I occasionally go on walks to a nearby store while she takes a nap but that's about as long as I leave her. I sleep on my side, back facing her. One night I was still awake but she must've thought I was asleep. A nurse came in to check her vitals and asked if I was her granddaughter. My mom clarified I was her daughter and caretaker but sheaclaimed that I only did it first the money. The next day I acted like I heard nothing. While helping her cut her food she told me she was extremely grateful for me. I can't get this moment out of my head. 

I've been talking to my older brother and cousin. They've been telling me this entire time to quit and get a new job. I'm applying for jobs now. I know it'll be what's best for me. Despite this I still feel bad for my mom. I still have the urge to take care of her. I don't know who will take my place. I'm also worried that even with my new job I'll still be responsible for keeping the house clean because I've already taken on that responsibility. I'm scared to get a new job,eexplain to her and my employer why I'm quitting. I know she'll call me ungrateful and try to make me feel more guilty than I do. I don't think I'm prepared for it. I feel selfish. ",NTA. She already said she'd get another caretaker so let her. Get another job and move out as quickly as you can.
AITAH for being too scared to cut off a guy i dated for 3 weeks and haven't told my friends?,"hello, I 21 F and the guy I dated for 3 weeks 24 M met on bumble, he seemed really nice and caring at first, we went on a few dates, but he kept love bombing me a ton on the dates we went on. He kept buying me so many gifts (mostly one piece stuff) and taking me out to dinner and such. It all felt too much during the time but I did pay for some of my own stuff I wanted, I didn't suck on him like a leach for his money. I also asked to keep the relationship completely platonic since I had traumatic things happened in the past, so anything more than cuddling and kissing was off limits for me.

Then on week 3 I slept over at his place he does live with his family so I wasn't too scared to stay a night with him. It wasn't a good idea since my guts kept feeling like it huge spiral of sickness, I completely ignored my guts and went anyway. Which lead to him insisting on doing it - the big S, which I didn't feel comfortable doing at all. I kept telling him no a lot, but it seemed get into his head for awhile, took him awhile to actually respect it and let it go.

I went straight home in the morning, and told him he made me really uncomfortable, I told my friends what happened and they all told me to just cut him off. I know I should've but the thought of him coming to where I live or my work place to do something drastic or guilt tripping me has been keeping me from not cutting him off. I'm afraid if I do, it'll be something I would regret, and his family is close to him where they think we're going some where in the future. He pushed my boundaries where I don't see a future with him.

This morning I gotten a steam message from his brother saying that ""he misses me heavily"" and it just makes me feel like I'm just making it worse later on for me. The thing is I have to unfriend him on so many socials where if I forget one I would get floods of messages where it'll make me feel terrible that I cut someone off for pushing my boundaries. 

My friends think I cut him off for good, but I still have him added on most of my socials, am I the A - hole for being too scared to cut him off and not telling my friends? (sorry if my grammar is bad, it's late and i'm tired)","I’m going to hold your hand while I say this: You seem really stupid - like a danger to yourself level stupid. 

You don’t have to be. Block him -return his shit and listen to your friends.

ESH"
AITAH for setting a bed time for my BFs kid.,"To preface, my BF (40M) has an 8 year old son. We are planning on moving in together in 1 months time and I(29F) have a good relationship with the son. Lately, his 8 year old has been complaining about being depressed, which is an intense word for such a small kid. Up until this point I have not put much input into my BFs parenting. My BF and I have spoken alot about how he lets his kid go to bed between 11 pm-1 am on school nights, eating loads of candy especially before bed, playing hours of video games daily and not exercising. My BF and I have peviously agreed that his son needs a better routine, bed earlier, cleaner habbits, eating less sugar and junk and getting out for more excersize. I believe these things may be contributing to the depression. That and all the changes that come with my and my BFs relationship. My boyfriend who's been struggling with parenting has told me MANY times he wants my help parenting. I have been putting in effort by cooking healthy meals for the family, planning fun activities like swimming, sledding, outside play time, and gently helping my BF parent.

The situation in question: Yesterday (Sunday) the son had less than 6 hours of sleep as they went to bed late the night before. I woke the family up at 9 am as I was getting ready for yoga. In the afternoon we went sledding and by then end of the day (4:30pm) the son was overexhausted and highly emotional. At this point I suggested an 8 pm bed time. I cooked everyone dinner, the son didn't like the first dinner so I cooked a second, then we sat down to watch a movie together. At 730 pm, his son had thrown about 8 tantrums and I said, let's watch 1 more episode of ST and then go to bed. by the end of the episode he was on another tantrum. So I turned off the TV and I said, ""okay the episode is over it's bed time"", it is 830 when I say this. His son started screaming at this point. I stayed calm and told him that he's clearly tired and we need to sleep. my BF told his son not to listen to me then to apologize gave his son a chocolate bar. My BF then demanded I give him the remote, turned on the TV and handed it to his son to watch YouTube. My BF and his son stayed up till MIDNIGHT, and kept me up all night making noise (it's a school night). Our bedroom is right next to the living room. Then his son woke us up again at 4 AM. The next day my BF told me that that is his son and I had no right to send his kid to bed without talking to him about it first. He also pulled his son out of school because of how traumatic this experience was. (me suggesting a bed time ) I was told by my BF that my role in this family is not to make rules. This turned into a massive argument. I do agree that the final decision should be made by the bio parent. I however feel that he should have backed me up and enforced the bed time, which was clearly needed. my argument is that their sleep schedule is now affecting my sleep, and his exhausted kid who is throwing tantrums is affecting my well being. My other point is my BF wants these rules in place but refuses to enforce them when his son throws a tantrum. Now I look like an evil stepmother for pushing for a healthier lifestyle.

Am I veiwing this totally wrong? Am I overstepping in the parent role? Idk. I'm considering that maybe I don't fit in their life and I shouldn't move in.",It sounds like you have a boyfriend problem and I would consider this relationship finished
WIBTAH if I sold to the second-highest bidder?,"I'll do my best to be clear and concise. I suppose I can edit if it comes to it. Here's the situation:

\-Recently decided to sell a misprinted trading card in a FB group known for doing so. It was auction style, with a given end date (Monday 1/5/26 at midnight). Prices were supposed to go up by $1 per bid, but buyers seemed pretty interested, so they went by 5s (neither enforced nor discouraged by me).  
\-High bid at close was $25. As soon as that was determined, I DMed the winner and tagged them in a comment to let them know they won.  
\-That night at 10 pm (so 22 hours later), I had not heard from them, so I sent a messaged saying if I hadn't heard back by noon the next day (36 hrs after auction close), I would be moving to the next bidder down. I will admit I may have been a bit impatient on this one.  
\-Got a response at 5 am. Buyer said he would get me shipping details and send payment that day.  
\-Since then, I have sent 4 messages and received no response. No address, no money sent via PayPal, nothing. I tend to do a lot of selling online (FB, Mercari, eBay, etc) so I make many trips to ship sales, and I would usually remind him on a day when I was planning to ship off that I could include his if he would get me his address and send payment.  
\-Most recent message was last night (7 days after auction close) saying that I would be moving on if I didn't hear from him. Not that I am desperate for this money, but I do want to get this deal closed and done with.

So yeah, I understand not everyone is constantly on FB (honestly, good for them), and I really don't want to be a jerk, but WIBTAH if I went ahead and moved on?

Happy to update with further info if needed.

UPDATE: Thanks for swift confirmation, all. I pride myself on being kind and fair, so I wanted to make sure, but good to know others agree.",Sell to whoever you want in a way that works best for you.
AITAH for telling my boyfriend I don't want to kiss him until he gets his gingivitis taken care of?,"\*UPDATE: He finally reached out to me today and we talked about how we left things. He said it hurt his feelings really badly and made him feel gross (I never said that!)and really uncomfortable and that’s why he left. I apologized for hurting his feelings and told him I don’t think he’s gross. Then he said he was hurt that he didn’t hear from me after he left and I didn’t chase after him. I said from my side, it seemed like he dumped then ghosted me and I felt hurt and objectified by his comments about how if I don’t want to kiss him then why is he even here and he’s not my buddy etc.. he dug his heels in on that and said we’re not friends we’re boyfriend and girlfriend and we should want each other all the time.

He has a lot of past trauma from being rejected and told he’s gross. He accused me of wanting to be with someone else and setting him up to leave so I could be free because I’ve been kissing him for months and just stopped now that he told me that he had this.

Long story short, the conversation went nowhere and I told him that I’m disappointed we couldn’t find a middle ground in our discussion but I don’t think we can work with such different opinions on what happened and what a healthy relationship is.

Not that exciting but just figured I’d share if anyone wants to know.

Original post:

I have been dating someone for a few months and he recently went to the dentist and found out he has really bad gingivitis. They said it was progressing into periodontitis and they might not be able to fix it. I googled it to find out more about what was going on what treatments he could do, and I also selfishly looked up whether it is contagious.

According to Gemini, it is not contagious like a virus but, the bacteria does spread through saliva so kissing increases my chances of getting it but my immune system and hygiene can help counteract it. I am really into health and keeping my microbiome healthy so the thought of introducing that bacteria makes me feel sick. Not only that but I have a daughter who I worry will drink after me or share my utensils and increase her chances of developing it.

I told him I had learned it could spread from kissing and that I didn't feel comfortable making out until it gets cleared up and he blew up at me saying ""why are we even dating?"" ""I don't come over here just to hang out and watch tv, I'm not your buddy!"" I told him it's not like i want to break up i just want to hold off on swapping saliva for now. I still love him and care about him. I also said, relationships are supposed to be about more than just physical connections.  He said he didn't even want to be here anymore and that his girlfriend doesn't want to kiss him because he has gingivitis. Then he stormed out and i haven't heard from him for 2 days now.

Am I an asshole for not wanting to make out until this got fixed?","Um… you’re NTA for not wanting a communicable gum disease. 

And as for “why you’re even dating,” you really ought to give that one some thought. His first reaction should be “oh shit, you’re right, let me keep you safe while I work on my health,” not “you owe me physical intimacy regardless because you’re my girlfriend.” 

Good luck."
AITAH for thinking my roomate might be a weirdo?,"So I current live in student comms, with 8 other roommates and it's been great so far it's my first time living away from home and I've only been able to legally drink since a couple months ago, there's 8 of us in this flat in total, which I will name A,B,C,D,F,G and H, for convenience, so I was the first to move into this flat, and G followed me shortly after and so did C and A they are closest to me in the flat although it is a bit awkward because C and A are Ex's and G and C are dating, so it makes it a bit awkward, but it's most fizzled down now and I'm still close with all of them. D moved in shortly afterwards and she was very friendly as well we get on very well, F moved in after that and F has become a problem for me, F is the oldest by a long shot, there are 5 years between me and F, and for whatever reason or another as time has progressed F has developed a kind of hatred and contempt for me, and I'm a bit confused about it, I have heard from almost all of my other roommates that F hates me, they call me names, they apparently hate the sound of my voice? How I look, my presence in general, I am living on my own for the first time so I'm a bit messy, they hate that, they won't even acknowledge me if I talk to them, and before hand we always thought this was because I had a boyfriend around and a joke was made and they flew off the handle, but they make the exact same jokes about C, all.the.time, and I haven't actually found a motive for this, and the more and more I think about it, the more and more it icks me out, they have openly admitted to doing porn, in the apartment, they also throw slurrs around casually, and they almost cussed a fire in the apartment because they left food in the oven and then fell asleep after I had expressed to them my discomfort with them leaving food unsupervised, I do not believe I am a loud neighbour, and even if I was they are constantly yelling at their computer, and there is one particular incident that makes me believe I maybe unsafe within the flat, apparently they have commented on my room, which yes isn't tidy but it's controlled chaos, no biohazards just clothes I haven't sorted, but they've never seen my room, and then it came out that a couple days ago, because some of us hadn't seen B in awhile and they 'couldnt be arsed to text B' they went and knocked on B's door, when no answer came F OPENED THE DOOR luckily B was not home at the time but it's considered a big no no to simply just walk into a considerably younger person's room without their knowledge or consent, I have now been locking my door and I genuinely fear a little, I'd like to clarify, F is from the US they are not from here and I cannot fathom as to what I could have done to be met with such contempt and threat in a flat like this, I'm not looking for pity, but I am looking for advice, so A
AITA",Keep your door locked. If F starts shit leave the area and say ...have a nice day. As an American ...sorry for F behavior toward you
AITAH for Living far from family?,"Okay so I am a 24yr F living in NYC with my 24yr husband. We have been together since we were 17 and got married when we were 22. We moved across the US from Colorado to NY about 1 year and 1/2 ago and my family is constantly trying to make me feel so guilty about not being close to them. 
I work a full time job that I don’t have much control over my schedule but I enjoy what I do and make enough to live here comfortably. My family acts like I don’t care about them and I don’t love them anymore just because I don’t live down the road. They are constantly trying to place blame on my husband like he stole me away from them. My mother is constantly saying things like “don’t you want to live somewhere cheaper and closer to your family so you can actually establish a life and buy a house?” 
They don’t seem to understand that I am extremely happy where I am and don’t want to change that. I try to visit as much as I can but I’m an adult and have a job that I can’t leave. I haven’t seen them since September and they are telling me that I’m the only person that does these kind of things and they don’t understand what they “did wrong” so am I the asshole because I’m trying to be my own person and live my life the way I want to? 😭","What they’re doing is called “emotional blackmail”, and shame on them. Don’t entertain this BS. Simply say, “I am happy here. We are happy here. No more discussion on it.”"
AITAH for calling out weird behavior from my GF friends?,"Me and my gf of about 9 months were talking while driving the other day and she mentions to me that one of her friends (an older male that is married, both the husband and wife regularly come into her work) told her that I should change my FB profile pic that they thought was me and my “ex” (it’s actually my niece). I find it weird that they would for 1. Have obviously stalked me but not sent me a friend request, and 2. find it okay to say something that could possibly be damaging to her but not me. I called it out and was upset about it and later she got mad saying she’s tired of me “talking shit” about her friends. Obviously this isn’t the first time I’ve called out weird/bad behavior but this is the first time she’s gotten mad about it.","NTA

Regardless of who is in your FB profile picture, they have no business sticking their nose into your relationship or lives."
"AITAH, why do I want to quit my job taking care of my 1-year-old cousin because I don't want to go back to taking care of my other cousin?","Disposable Account



I (f20) am going through a situation I thought I'd left behind a long time ago. To give some context (it'll be a bit long):

When I graduated high school, I decided to take a gap year to prepare my documents and save money for college. During that time, my aunt was appointed by the government as a high school teacher and asked me to take care of her 8-year-old daughter, who at the time had a mental disability, for about 5 hours a day. I accepted because I wanted to save money and help her, since she had taken care of me when I was little, and because my mother convinced me—a big mistake.


That year was one of the worst of my life. At first, everything seemed normal, but over time the situation became unbearable. My aunt is a very disorganized and unhygienic person: there were days when she didn't leave diapers or food for her daughter. Furthermore, my mother would sometimes take the money I earned with various excuses, and only rarely would she give me anything back, justifying herself with phrases like, ""I'm your mother, I raised you,"" supported by my stepfather.

When I tried to quit that job, my mother threatened to kick me out of the house. During that year, I developed severe anxiety; I didn't want the next day to come. My cousin had constant epileptic seizures that were impossible to control, and yet, many times they wouldn't let me have her medication or only did so occasionally. On top of this, my family constantly criticized me for not taking good care of her, and I also had to clean the house, cook, take care of my younger sister, and keep up with my university assignments when they started.

In December 2024, during the Christmas holidays, I finally decided to quit that job. I had no money because my mother took it from me again, but I left anyway.


Now, moving on to the current problem: I'm currently taking care of my 1-year-old cousin (the youngest daughter of my third maternal aunt, my aunt's older sister), whom I love very much. Her mother had no one to leave her with, and the only other option was her mother-in-law, but she lives with her brother, who is a pervert, so I agreed to take care of her. Until December, everything was fine, and I had no problems.


However, when my grandmother got sick, I was again forced—without being asked—to take care of my cousin for another week. I was paid for that week, but when it was over, I made it clear to her mother that I didn't want to take care of her again. She had more than half a month (besides being on vacation) to resolve the situation, but she didn't.


This morning, without consulting me, she brought her daughter to my house and left her there. I was furious. I spoke with my one-year-old cousin's mother and told her I was quitting my job and moving in with my father because I can't stand the situation anymore and no one respects my opinion. It's worth noting that she had also told me to take care of my aunt's daughter again, knowing everything that happened and how neglectful that aunt is.

Now the problem is that my dad and my brothers are making fun of me, saying it's all my fault, that I should be taking care of both girls, and that I'm ungrateful because she ""took care of me when I was little"" (even though I actually took care of myself along with my brother). My mom isn't home right now, so I can't talk to her directly, but I know that if I leave, she'll try to find someone to take care of her daughter because she has other options, but they're only bothering me. Here, they have a habit of exploiting the older generation to take care of the younger ones; if you refuse, they hit you.


I'm extremely stressed about university: my degree is very demanding, and between housework, other responsibilities, and this situation, I feel completely overwhelmed and at my limit.


Am I the bad guy for not wanting to keep carrying this burden and prioritizing my mental health?","NTA - No one is owed child care. Just because they took care of you when you were little doesn't entitle them to unlimited child care from you. You get to choose who you do labor for and under what conditions.

You were nice to take care of the cousin for the week when it was kinda an emergency. She should have used that time to make other arrangements she didn't. That's her fault.

If the other aunt doesn't understand why you can choose who work for and under what conditions she isn't someone you want to work for.

Go find a job that's not related to your family."
AITAH for refusing to give a cat back to her previous owner after adopting her?,"I adopted a kitten yesterday from a young woman (earlier 20s) who had been debating for about two weeks whether she could keep the cat due to her mental health and overall bandwidth after adopting late December. Ultimately, she decided to rehome her to me after taking the two weeks to think on it. I was initially introduced to her and the cat because my friend’s coworker (the woman’s mom) asked at work if anyone knew of a good home, which is how we connected.

My partner and I already have another cat and had been intentionally looking to adopt for a few months. We brought the cat into our home and started the adjustment process just yesterday. 

Less than 24 hours later, the previous owner texted asking for the cat back. I responded kindly but said we felt committed to keeping her after all the time and prep into welcoming her into our home. She reacted poorly and began begging to come pick the cat up immediately, sending numerous messages.

I feel terrible because she’s young and clearly distressed, but I’m also worried that giving the cat back so quickly would be stressful and unstable, especially since she originally wasn’t sure she could care for a cat long-term.

AITAH for saying no and keeping the cat?
",She sounds unstable. Keep kitty. Don’t stress that cat anymore
"Coach punishes me for asking questions, AITAH?","I (14M) am a member of my school's crew winter conditioning program. I talked with someone ERGing next to me to tell them not to lean back as much as they were as that can hurt their back. The head coach of the program came up behind us and asked in a very serious tone, ""Why shouldn't you talk while ERGing?"" I of course thought he was quizzing me for my misbehavior as I was indeed talking when I was supposed to be, so I answered, ""Because it can mess up your form and distract others."" The coach then snapped back and spoke to me saying, ""I was telling you to shut up!"" I then asked about 20 minutes later, while on a different piece, to a different coach to correct my form as I felt pain in my back. Immediately, the head coach came over, and pulled me and the two people next to me off the ERGs and made us do weighted wall sits for twenty minutes simply because 'We were talking again'. After practice I apologised to the two others but they told me I should've stayed silent. AITAH? (P.S. I also have quite a large build and am tall for my age but my voice is an octave higher than what one would expect so that may have caused misunderstanding).",NTA report your coach for bullying. That authoritarian crap belongs in the trash can. 
AITAH for not wanting to engage in society anymore? Highly educated adult with severe cognitive disabilities.,"I'm going to copy and paste an part of a previous post of mine in the disability subreddit so there's no need to read my other posts, but I would recommend searching my history in the disability subreddit if you have time and reading it if you have the chance.

Excerpt for those short on time:

""I'm at a huge crossroads because I could still work on those things she \[my coach\] suggested and be so far behind compared to others that it's a non-starter at a lot of points. For example, I don't like to do presentations since I will lose my train of thought and stop talking abruptly if I try to be ""performative"" and project my voice or anything similar. My big kryptonite in graduate school was also when others, faculty or students, will point out everything that's wrong with what I've done (presenting, writing, etc.), but won't give me any direction afterwards to address it. Then, there's also the separate issue of whether that direction would work for me because it could intersect with a non-starter issue mentioned earlier. For example, my presentations haven't changed since the second year of my Master's program (6 years ago) because all of my suggestions were to get out from behind the podium, not have a monotone voice, use intonation, etc. I couldn't follow those suggestions given what I mentioned earlier about losing my train of thought and abruptly stopping in the middle of talking. That feedback was also when it dawned on me that neurotypicals and non-disabled folks in my cohort or in my field never have to worry about that sort of thing and are more productive because they don't have to spend time making up for those deficits. I also taught full-time at a different college and was in ""overdrive"" for all of the demanding executive functioning stuff that was demanded of me, mainly lecturing and grading. Realizing that and my previous full-time experience as an instructor was when I went ""yeah, I have to take a different route.""

...

Even if the feedback can be addressed, there's the concern of neurodivergent burnout. I've experienced it for the past year and only feel like I'm just now coming out of it as I'm putting the gears in motion for consistent daily routines among other habits (e.g., set wake up time) that will make the transition to work at the end of the month less daunting.""

The rest of this post:

I sat on the comments and suggestions I got last night, especially the top commenter from my previous post and our thread, and I'm highly anxious and a bit triggered when I think about ""owing it to myself"" to apparently develop skills where I majorly struggled big time or I'd waste the effort put into my PhD. I was also triggered when my coach said that, even if employers understand, that it doesn't get me a job. Even as I'm writing this now, I have a fair amount of anxiety.

The whole point of my previous post is that I started so far behind running the same race as everyone else that it's not worth it and I need to take an alternative path where I don't need to reluctantly develop interview skills that require masking and would make me more uncomfortable and angry like my past experiences trying and failing, especially when it to came to teaching for me since it got worse up until the end. It could be possible that this upcoming Disability:IN NextGen Leader program will give me that path when I start at the end of this month. If that's the case, then the conversation would end here. However, I'm not sure yet.

As I'm about to work this 20 hour a week data entry job at the end of this month and the upcoming NextGen Leader program, I realize now that I'm terrified of what is seemingly progression (employment and thus program) being the opposite, just like how getting all of my degrees was for me.

This is especially bad for me since my lack of confidence is apparent with just about everyone I meet when they say that my ""confidence has gone up,"" which implies it was low in the first place (something my first PhD advisor also said to my face before she dropped me as an advisee and I almost got kicked out of the program). So, if I ultimately don't approach things in the alternative way I want then it introduces the confidence issue in the picture, which I don't want either. Seems like I lose if I don't end up getting the alternative here. That's not mentioning that the alternative is something I'd argue is necessary for all autistic adults like me and I don't want to play by the standard rules either really.​

I just want to quit engaging with society entirely. I'll leave where I'm staying with my parents right now if I have to as well. If anyone has suggestions to do so, I'd like to know. Otherwise, I'm open to hearing the perks of engaging with society. AITAH for wanting do so? I'm going through DODD sometime at the end of this month and am going to see if I can get anything lined up as far as housing goes if I qualify.","I’m highly educated and have a pretty good brain, I work in academia. I’ve been thinking about how attractive bowing out of this shit society has become of late. "
AITAH for not wanting to go on vacation with my family?,"My family planned a road trip to the beach about a month in advance. I’m 23, my sister is 28, and my brother is 18. We’re the kids from my dad’s broken marriage. When my parents got divorced seven years ago, we moved to the city where my dad’s family lives. Now my dad, my siblings, and I live with my grandma (my grandpa passed away in 2020). We’re a pretty close family, and my aunts have been kind of a mother figure for my sister and me. My brother is a bit different because he grew up more apart from the family—during the pandemic my dad decided to leave my grandparents’ house, and they only came back in 2024.

So, with all that context, here’s the issue: My aunts are going on this trip with their husbands and kids, each family in their own car. My sister is going with them. The problem is that there’s no space for my grandma or for me. Their solution is that my grandma and I go by plane. The thing is: I don’t have extra money for that. I literally live paycheck to paycheck. I’m doing a postgraduate program and also have to cover medication and basic expenses. I really don’t think they’re considering this at all. I already explained my situation to my grandma, and her response was basically: *“You’re not staying here for those two weeks.”* The dates were decided without asking me, and my birthday happens to fall right in the middle of those two weeks. Did anyone ask me if I wanted to go? No. Did anyone remember it was my birthday? Also no. I’m honestly not making a big deal about that part, but it still hurts. At this point, I don’t want to go. I know they’re technically inviting us, but I don’t have the money, and I don’t want anyone else to buy my plane ticket. It’s not their responsibility, and I’d feel uncomfortable with that.  
Some things that might come up:

* I don’t have a good relationship with my dad right now, and even if I did, I would never ask him for money for a vacation.
* My mom hasn’t really been in the picture since the divorce, and she’s not working right now, so that’s not an option either.
* As for my brother not going… no one has said it directly, but it’s kind of implied that he’s not included.

So, AITA for not wanting to go on this family vacation?",Vacation with the fam? A free-for-all with no room for you. You’ve got every right to sit this one out your bank account will thank you later.
AITAH for pretending to have a huge butt,"I’m a 25-year-old student girl, and this has turned into way more of a moral debate than I ever expected.

I don’t naturally have a big butt. At all. A while ago, out of curiosity and then kind of for fun, I started wearing padding around my hips and butt when I go out. Not subtle shapewear or “slightly curvier” padding, I mean very noticeable. Think exaggerated, almost cartoonish proportions. Big enough that people definitely clock me as “the girl with the huge butt.”

And yes, I know it sounds ridiculous written out like this. But here’s the thing: I enjoy it. I like the visual impact, I like how extreme it looks, and I like how confident it makes me feel. It’s almost like a style choice or a character I step into when I’m dressed like that. I’m not claiming it’s natural, but I also don’t walk around with a sign saying “THIS IS PADDED.”

Recently, this blew up when a friend noticed the padding in my home. She was shocked, then kind of angry. She said I’m being deceptive, that I’m “lying with my body,” and that people assume something about me that simply isn’t true. She compared it to real-life catfishing and said it’s unfair to others, especially women, because it pushes unrealistic body standards even further.

Some people in our friend group agree with her. Others think it’s funny or don’t care. A few have said it’s attention-seeking or embarrassing, and that I’ll regret it if people find out. For me, though, it feels no different from dramatic makeup, wigs, fake lashes, corsets, push-up bras, platform shoes, or any other exaggerated fashion choice. 

I’m not scamming anyone, I’m not profiting from it, and I’m not promising anything about my body to anyone. I also don’t do this for dating apps or hookups specifically. It’s just how I present myself in public sometimes. It’s part self-expression, part confidence boost, part “why not?”

Still, the backlash has made me wonder if I’m crossing some invisible social line by going too far with it. So AITA for wearing heavily exaggerated butt padding in public and letting people assume it’s real?",An asshole? No. Is it weird? Kinda.
AITAH for hating my brothers cat?,"Ever since my brother got gifted his little-dog a couple years ago (we live under the same roof), his cat he adopted 6 years prior to the dog that he begged (simply because i got one) for at 6 got neglected. Obviously she still gets fed and hangs outside, but its become my parents responsibility (i didnt want her and my parents let my brother get her).

My cat passed away a few years ago, my dog went into depression (you dont know how lonely a dog can get when 2 of her animal friends pass) hence why my brother got a dog to keep her company.

My dog loves cats, but unfortunately my brothers dog (at the time puppy) is a adhd dog and the cat is naturally timid, his dog would try to play with the cat, lets just say the introduction didnt go well. The cat is still scared of the dog, and the dog thinks shes playing.

Where the issue lies is she spends a lot of time in my room, and often attacks my dog in the middle of the night while shes asleep (both our dogs are no bigger than the cat), scaring my dog and making her panic. She is my dog, she is not my cat, my dog comes first.  
I also lock my door when im out because my brothers dog has a tendency to mark in there, meanwhile my brothers cat hides under my bed. She has had accidents in my room a few times, and its frustrating because i have to choose between the dog peeing or the cat peeing in my room. One time was while i was at my birthday lunch, she had diarrhoea, my mum blamed me saying it would have been avoidable if i hadn't locked her in (she hid under my bed so its not like i knew she was in the room), and my dad chimed in saying its either the cat or the dog that toilets in there. If it werent the cat it wouldve been the dog.

I do feel for my brothers cat, she just wants security and people, i love her cuddles, but i hate having to guess if shes going to attack or toilet somewhere. For a period of time my dog refused to sleep on my bed because she was so scared the cat would get her. If anything im frustrated at my brother for creating an avoidable situation. Call me selfish, idc, my dog and i come first.","Need more info: Who is letting the cat into your room? Does she sneak through when you go into your room? Because depending on how much effort you're putting into keeping the cat out it's between NTA and ESH. It's dangerous for both the dog and the cat for them to be around eachother given the circumstances, so you're definitely not wrong for not wanting the cat in your room. (Also title could've been worded better)"
AITAH for intentionally gaming alone,"I (24M) used to be friends with A (24M) in college. We were inseparable and we did everything from hanging out to studying and gaming together. But our relationship hit a pretty hard bump in junior year (mostly my fault) so we cut contact.

We reconnected 2 years from that (so 2 years ago) and are back to being good buddies--not the day ones we used to be tho. 

Since I'm 1000+ miles away, our main form of hanging out is gaming. I like gaming but gaming with him is honestly just not my vibe. Feels like theres too much pressure and that I have to 'meet his expectations'. 

He was unemployed for a good chunk of 2025 and he kept messaging me to get on. I have a job and had school and honestly wanted to quit gaming (not fully but separate myself enough to sedate the addiction) so I usually declined or told him I was busy. He has a job now and I've told him that Imma be pretty busy this year as I got some other stuff to take care of so I wont be able to game with you much. He was ok with that and told me to 'grind and succeed and get off the games'. Positive feedback I thought. 

Now, I got distracted last weekend and I hopped on the game for some alone time. He also happened to be online and texts me this: 

A: 'Yoo! When you get back man! Lets run some'

Me: 'Yeah haha, just slacking, nah Imma get off after this one'

A: 'Why do I bother asking? It's like you don't even wanna game man. I'm tired of always fucking asking you to hop on man. Why dont you ever aske me to hop on? Next time you're on, let me know and lets run some. 

I didn't respond to that. I got off the game because I was done for the night (not because of what he said). I got on again the next day and saw that he was online. I hopped off because I didn't feel like talking to him. 

I get on again the next day and I'm just playing and he pings me: 

A: 'How long you been playing? Why didnt you text me?

Me: ""I like to play alone sometimes""

A: ""Sometimes? What you means sometimes dog?

Me: ""More than sometimes""

A: ""All good""

Ok. I'm def not too confrontational with him because Ik that he's not shy to go low and I dont have the time for that drama rn but come on man....read the room. AITAH for telling not telling him that I dont wanna hop on the game? Or should I just be real and say that I'd rather play alone than play with him. ","> come on man....read the room

Uhh... you sure it is him not reading the room?

>Since I'm 1000+ miles away, our main form of hanging out is gaming.

He wants to game (hang out) with you. You don't want to game (hang out) with him. 

You are the one misreading the room. 

>Feels like theres too much pressure and that I have to 'meet his expectations'.

Instead of expressing this and getting him to game in a less intense way so that you can hang out, you are just... not hanging out with him. Since gaming together is the main way you hang out, from his perspective you are just ducking him, which is a dick move."
AITAH because I don't care about my friend's discomfort?,"I have this friend who has a history of attention seeking behavior. I'm going to call him Chris. Chris noticed yesterday that my girlfriend was wearing jeans that didn't actually fit (had to wear a belt to keep them up and roll up the cuffs) and a t-shirt that I frequently wear. Chris asked me if my girlfriend was wearing my clothes. I told him she was.

Chris asked me why she didn't just keep clothes at my place so we weren't advertising to people what we were doing last night. I said that she likes wearing my clothes, and I like that she wears them to. It's sort of our thing. He asked what I meant by ""our thing"" and if ""thing"" was a ""sex thing."" I said ""sometimes"" is a light-hearted tone, but he was annoyed.

Chris said we have no right to be engaging in such behavior in public and that we didn't have the consent of all the bystanders. I said he was being ridiculous. It's jeans and a shirt. Oh, so scandalous. He said some people might be uncomfortable. I said there was no way. He said he was uncomfortable.

I said I thought we were past the point of telling women what to wear. He said this was completely different. I said I don't care that he's uncomfortable. People can wear what they want to wear, and he needs to get over it.

The main reason I think I'm an asshole is that if anyone else said this to me I would want to hear them out and understand their position. I ignored Chris basically because he always has a complaint and I'm sick of it. Did I dismiss him unfairly? Was I being an asshole?","why tf are you friends with this person lol


NTA"
AITAH Leaving for work,"I (25 f) had to leave my husband (28 m) for 3 and a half weeks for a work training. The problem? He had a broken foot. This was during month 2 after the break and right after a follow up saying he was healing up well and should be back to light weight bearing the following month.  I had to choose going to the work training and leaving him home for 3.5 weeks or not getting the job (a job I've worked towards for 10+ years). I made sure the dogs were set up for boarding if he felt overwhelmed while I was gone and I spent the entire week before I left cooking and freezing a bunch of meals he requested so he didn't even have to cook. He has also been able to drive and had both a knee scooter and crutches at this point and was pretty ambulatory. His parents also came out for a week in the middle of me being away. Now that I'm back he keeps saying I ""left him when he needed me most"". AITAH?","When he needed you most was right after the break, not two months later."
AITAH for being upset about my dad making me drive all the time?,"i (17 f) currently live with my dad, i’ve had my permit for a few years and got my license a year week ago, whenever we go out anywhere my dad makes me drive, (for a few months now) at first i didn’t mind because i liked driving, but what he does is he goes on his phone the whole time while im driving, so he’s not paying attention to what im doing and yells and me and gets mad at me the whole time for doing stuff im not doing, like the other day i turned at a light and went 17 mph and he said i was going too fast 💀…  and just stuff like that, and also what he does is he gets mad at me for not knowing where everything is and asking him where to go, like the other day i was literally in a town i dont live in and barely go to, and i asked him where to go and he got mad and said something is wrong with me and i needed help because i didnt know the directions 😭, and its literally like every day i drive, and since i got my licensee now i have to do things like pick up my brother from school and stuff, which i know isnt a big deal, but it just adds onto everything else, and what really bothers me is he doesn’t give me a choice not to, like he’ll be like “so your driving right?” and i’ll be like “no i don’t feel good” and he’ll be like “so your driving?” and i’ll be like “i just said no, i don’t want to” and he’ll be like “okay so your driving” then sits in the passenger seat, and the other day we went to costco and the whole time inside i felt super nauseous and sick, and dizzy, and after we left i explained that to him and said i didn’t want to drive, he made me anyways, and i got pulled over for pulling out infront of someone, because i felt sick and wasn’t able to pay full attention, he then made me drive after i got pulled over, we were gonna go to a movie, and i told him i wasn’t going to drive home because i felt sick and was stressed out, and he got mad and made me sit in the car while him and brother went and watched the movie because of it 😭,

idk i know i may seem unreasonable but i used to love driving and now i dread it and hate it sm, he keeps making me drive at night as well which i hate and im not good at, idk.","NTA. Your dad is insanely selfish. You've finally gotten to the age where you can be ""useful"" to him, and he's taking advantage of your compliance. "
AITAH for wanting a birthday party?,"My birthday is December 29th, which I know is unfortunate for the people in my life.  Unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot I can do about that. Growing up quite poor, I never got a birthday party and of course the few gifts we got for Christmas were also my birthday presents.  Back then, I knew it sucked but I also knew the circumstances and never mentioned it, never made a big deal about it, never got upset. My mom was doing the best she could. 

Now, I’m a whole ass adult with a job, a house, two kids, and husband. I have been married for 3 years (been together 8+).  My husband has half-assedly tried a couple times to do something for my birthday but it always kind of falls apart.  Or there was the year he gave me a Roomba (that I did not ask for) for my birthday.  I told him that hurt and was sad and it turned into a weeks-long fight basically culminating in me being deemed ungrateful. Maybe I was.  But I also did not ask for $1,000 vacuum but his reasoning was that HIS dog shed so much I wouldn’t have to sweep/vacuum as much. 

In 2024, my husband turned a new decade.  He was also graduating from the fire academy the same week so I threw him a huge grad/bday party that took months to plan and cost me at least $1,000 of my own money.  I also bought him a $700 Garmin watch as his gift.  His birthday is in August. He didn’t seem very grateful for the time, effort, and money I spent so I had to ask him if he liked the party and I received a “yeah it was good”. He very much liked the watch and was surprised as I’d seen him searching for used ones on eBay but decided they were too spendy. He had no idea I knew. 

When my birthday rolled around in December, also the changing of a decade, he asked me a week before my birthday “what do you wanna do for your birthday?”.  I told him that it’s kinda late to start planning now given that people travel for the holidays and you can’t just drop a birthday party on them last minute because no one will come.  Earlier in the year (Sept/oct maybe?), I had suggested having a bday/NYE party.  Apparently that didn’t stick.  So on the night of my “party” it was us, two of my friends, and two of his friends.  I don’t know if he invited anyone else.  Needless to say, I was very disappointed and hurt and I let him know that.  On my actual birthday, he had to work.  He was gone and our kids didn’t acknowledge my birthday at all (they were 16 and 12 at the time).  I also had to work half the day which made it extra crummy.  I went to bed crying and feeling completely unloved until my mom called to tell me happy birthday. At least she remembered, but who could forget squeezing out a 10 lb baby drug free?! When we talked about it later, he promised he was going to give me a summer half-birthday party to make up for it.  On June 29th, nothing had been said so I asked him when my half birthday party was, pretty much knowing the answer was “never”. His response was “oh did you still wanna do that? We can plan it; it’s not too late”.  Well, I was pretty hurt that he forgot and then expected me to plan it so I told him not to worry about it, maybe next time. 

After that I vowed to myself I wouldn’t throw him another party.  But when his birthday rolled around, I didn’t have the heart to do that.  He was just getting off of FF probation so I really wanted to celebrate all his hard work.  He is a fan of self-deprecating humor so I planned a roast for him with all our friends.  It took an exceptional amount of thought and planning, and it was a surprise, but I pulled it off and he loved it. I even managed to get some friends there that he didn’t expect to make it.

So now, I’m thinking I must be getting a great birthday this year.  Wrong.  ONE DAY before my birthday, he texted my closest friend and my sister asking if they wanted to come over for dinner in two days.  He hadn’t brought up my birthday at all during December, so I planned a NYE party in the meantime.  I guess as a backup?  I don’t know.  So on my birthday he tells me that my sister and friend are coming over for dinner on the 30th and that is my “party”. I told him the same two people would be at NYE so it would be silly to ask them to come over two nights in a row and that we should have my “birthday” on NYE since our friends will be there too.  He said okay and canceled my sister and friend for the 30th. 

NYE comes, we have people over from 8-1am.  As people are beginning to leave, he pulls a cake out of the fridge and tries to get people to sing to me but they are all drunk and trying to leave. No one really wants to sing and I’m sitting there super embarrassed. A few people were like “oh it’s your birthday?” As they’ve never been invited to anything for my birthday so they had no idea.  Mind you, these are the same friends who have been to his parties th last two years. I even made a joke about no one knowing my birthday because I never get a celebration at the roast. He didn’t even buy candles and had to dig around our junk drawer to find leftover ones.  No one ate the cake as we’d been snacking and drinking all evening. It sat in the fridge for days. Additionally, the kids, now 17 and 13, did absolutely nothing. No card, nada.  This is every year with them which is crazy because I always make sure they do/make something for their dad, step dad (my husband), and step mom (whose birthday is Dec 30).

After the holiday dust settled, I let him know (again) how much that hurt; that I felt very unimportant and unloved.  I asked him what he was thinking when he decided not to do anything for my birthday and he said “I was thinking about money and that people would be over for NYE anyway”. We are not struggling…things are tight because of the cost of everything these days but we have no debt except one tiny car payment and our reasonable mortgage.  He is a firefighter in California and I am a nurse (although I only work PT right now, but I was a photographer before and did quite a few photo shoots this fall and gave him every dime I made to go toward bills).  We did not exchange Xmas gifts (my request) and decided to only do stockings for the kids this year.  Family and friends got homemade sourdough and homemade butter.  All that to say, I pinched pennies in every way I could to make sure we didn’t end up in the hole after Xmas.

He thinks I need therapy because I am so hurt by this.  And when the topic comes up, it’s a million reasons why he made the choices he did, and eventually a half-ass apology (sorry you feel that way).  I told him specifically it hurts that he said it was because of money because that feels like an attack on my working part time even though that was a mutual decision (I made more than him before but I was insanely stressed out and we never saw each other). I also pointed out a party doesn’t need to be expensive.  A few Costco pizzas, a cake, and a case of beer would cost less than $100, and if we were REALLY broke, he could spend $20 and just get a cake and have friends come over after dinner time.  Obviously this is not the case.

Am I being an asshole by still thinking about this? I have tried to let it go but at the end of the day, it just makes me feel very unimportant, especially since I plan his and the kids’ birthdays with great care every year (the kids have Oct/Nov bdays).  I know it seems bratty but I really don’t expect a lot and it seems like the bare minimum is just too much.  We have never even gone out to dinner for my birthday, except for once while we were traveling so we had no choice. I never ask for gifts, I would just like to spend time with my friends and family and maybe feel loved for a day.  I definitely thought this was him being an asshole but the more I think about it and the more him and I hash it out, he’s starting to convince me that I am the asshole.","My birthday is also December 29 so I understand how you feel.  As an adult, I learned to match energy with how people dealt with my birthday.   If they said here’s your Christmas present and it’s your birthday present too, I responded the same way on their birthday.  If asked directly, I told them I don’t care if it’s a piece of gum just make it a separate present.   I also started buying myself presents which I wrapped and opened on my birthday.  OP, you show people how to treat you.  By allowing yourself to be treated like an afterthought and then going all out for the people who treat you this way on their birthdays, you are contributing to your own misery."
AITAH for being upset with my father in law?,"My family and I are currently in Ecuador visiting my FIL after my wife did not see him for 35 years. The why of the time delta isn't the point of this post, the circumstances are too mamy to go into here, but my current situation has reached a breaking point.

My wife and I have a 5yo son who has significant behavioral issues because she consistently gives him sugar-filled snacks and drinks, they make him hyper, and he acts out. He also does not eat meals regularly because he is consistently filling up on snacks - this has been a point of contention since he started eating solid foods.

He refuses to eat most of his meals and demands ice cream, candy, cake, etc and knows that he will eventually get it at some point in the day because someone will always give it to him. He has become so combative at meals that he and my wife have turned most meals into a battle zone where she is constantly fighting him (she gets annoyed and raises her voice and he shouts back, then he often hits her - again, hyper on sugar, but still unacceptable and I reprimand him every time); she then puts him on the ""naughty mat"" and has even spanked him (something I am firmly against because responding to violence with violence only serves to validate the behavior and sets a very poor example).

He eats so much sugar that a doctor back in October said he needs to stop eating sugar-filled food for at least six months. He was eating candy again the next day. He has had a number of cavities as well. Still, I'm villified.

Since arriving in Ecuador, my FIL has at every turn openly defied me saying no sweets and given him candy, bought him ice cream, and looked at me like I'm the AH when I say no. My wife has sided with him and called me a Nazi over my desire for him to simply eat healthier.

He has also repeatedly picked us up in an SUV that has no seatbelt in the back seat despite me saying that we should never travel in a vehicle where a 5yo child does not have one. His response was ""but the laws are different here."" I told him I could care less about the law and care only about my son's safety.

I have been mostly passive for the two weeks we have been here but reached my breaking point today. He, of course, showed up in the SUV with no seatbelt for my child - the solution was for him to sit on my lap in the front seat sharing my seatbelt. That is far from acceptable.

We then go to his house for lunch and my son, of course, refuses to eat actual food and my wife loses her mind. She dragged him to the bathroom threatening to spank him, with me saying ""you better not hit him"" and instead proceeded to yell at him because he wouldn't sit still on the toilet while she kept yelling at him - repeating that his time in the room would keep resetting until he sat still for five minutes - even threatening to leave him there overnight without us there. He was scream crying when I went to get him.

I told him not eating is a choice, but that also means he has no room for any snacks or sweets and he would not again eat until dinner time.

Then, we go into town - again in that SUV. For most of the ride there, my wife yelled at and insulted me - also insulting me in Spanish to her father - because I was concerned for my safety going to a coastal town where an American was kidnapped only weeks ago and held captive until a six-figure ransom was paid for his release. But, I'm the AH for worrying about being the only non-Ecua person in the group - a 6ft tall, Irish-American guy who speaks enough Spanish to get by but isn't going to fool anyone into thinking he is Ecuadorean. My safety is a legitimate concern outside the mountains, where it is genuinely safe and I am fine.

As soon as we go into town, he begins demanding ice cream and my FIL insists on buying it for him. That's when my wife called me a nazi. We then go to a coffee shop and they order hot chocolate and a nutella and chocolate ice cream covered waffle for him.

I got up and walked outside for five minutes to calm down. When I went back, I was told it was given to them by accident and that they weren't going to give him any of the waffle - despite me hearing FIL say it was for he and my son to share.

Additionally, I had a work call that I said was at 5pm, we were running so late I had to take it in the car - driving through the Ecuadorean countryside with terrible mobile reception.

I snapped. I didn't yell, but I slightly raised my voice in expressing my frustration with being constantly undermined and ignored - I've also been guilted into eating unhealthy things while trying to manage my cholesterol, and my wife has complained to me about them badgering her to do and eat things she doesn't want to - and how he is my son and if I say he needs to eat healthier that he will eat healthier.

My wife then began to berate me on the ride back to the house, telling me that I am not allowed to be upset, that I am overreacting, and that I embarrassed my FIL because everyone in the town knows who he is. Amazing how she doesn't care about why I am upset, rather just that I embarassed a man who has undermined me at almost every turn.

I tell her that I am on a work call and she continues berating me. I then end up on the call, with them talking as loudly as possible before we get to the home and are stuck standing outside (me with a brand new MacBook Pro - a great look outdoors in a developing country) for the gate to be unlocked before we finally get inside.

I perhaps could have been a bit calmer when I saw my son sitting in front of that waffle and drinking hot chocolate; but, I feel like an island. He cares very little about anything I have to say and I am more or less ignored by him when explaining why I object to some of these behaviors.

TBF, my FIL has gone out of his way to make us feel welcome and is a genuinely nice guy, I have repeatedly thanked him for anything he has done since we arrived, but his blatent disregard for my expressed concerns over my son's safety and sugar intake have pushed me too far.

Am I wrong here?","ETAH.   A trip is not the time to start life changing dietary plans. They have not been in effect because your wife doesn't care so trying to enforce them on a trip is just the wrong time. As for your son and wife. If your not on the same page as your wife as far as your sons diet it's not going to work. Your wife doen't respect you. She goes around you and gives into your son and he sees this so he knows he can yell until he gets his way. He doesn't respect you either.  

You got a lot more problems than your sons diet. Not that it doesn't sound like a big one."
AITAH for driving the speed limit?,"I’m a younger adult female driver, I’ve been driving for about 3 1/2 years and everyone (including my parents) tell me I’m a good driver. I passed my test with a 99 and I’ve literally never hit anything with my car…until last November. I was rear-ended by a distracted driver on a busy freeway and my car was totaled. it wasn’t that bad but my car was old and it didn’t take much to total it, that really sucked since I loved that car but it’s been a couple months and I got another car with the insurance money. Anyways I used to be really confident on the freeway, I’d go in the left lane only to pass and speed with the flow of traffic like you’re supposed to, but now I’m like traumatized. I have to take the freeway to college twice a week there and back so four times a week and I’m not terrified of the freeway, but It scares me everytime I see brake lights or everytime I come up on a blind curve. I’ve been staying in the right lane going 60-65 mph (the posted speed limit is 60) but I’m always being passed or tailgated which makes me want to speed up but I’m scared I’ll go too fast and hit the person in front of me. I’ve been giving so much following distance I bet a semi could cut me off and I’d be fine. I don’t think it’s a huge issue since I’m in the right lane I never go in any other lane now, I just hate driving like a grandma and wondering what other people are thinking? Should I stay off the freeway for a bit (would add a lot too my commute) or should I start exposure therapy and try driving like I used to? Also am I in the wrong or am I posing a threat to other drivers?",NTA!! Keep doing you! Don't worry about what the other drivers think. Think about all of the money you're saving by not getting tickets. 🙂
WIBTAH for not wanting my dad daughter at my gender reveal,"Am I the asshole? Long story short, my dad's daughter from a previous marriage and I no longer talk because years ago I was in a really bad spot where I moved to Colorado to live with her and turn my life around. Within the 10 days I was there she was talking shit about me to my other sister and accusing me of stealing her stuff. I had my own money and things, so I didn't need hers. I left without letting them know for about 2 months until I finally told my mom I was back in town.

Last year she started problems with an ex best friend of mine, saying stuff that wasn't true. A few months ago we found out we're expecting, and we're having a gender reveal. They want her to be there, but I refuse because she hasn't apologized or tried to talk to me. Now she wants to be part of my life, but I don't want my child around someone who disrespects me and causes problems.

My dad wants her to be there, but at the end of the day it's my decision. I don't want her at my gender reveal. Am I the asshole for not wanting my dad's daughter there?","NTA. 
It’s your gender reveal. Invite whoever you want. 
Plus you are pregnant, you def don’t need the stress from the family over this."
WIBTAH If I (17F) told my boyfriend (16M) about his suicidal ideation,"Hello, I’ll get right into it. I’ve been dating my boyfriend, Cal (fake name) for almost 2 years (will be next month). I know that we’re still teenagers in high school and there’s a small chance we’ll make it in the real world, but despite that we’ve wanted to be as mature as possible. However, both me and Cal have both struggled with a handful of mental issues. For me, I suffer from CPTSD, major depressive disorder, anxiety, ADHD and autism. All of this has been medically diagnosed. I suspect that he has at least major anxiety and depressive disorders. Recently, we’ve been in a rough patch. Because of how long we’ve been together, we’ve just been comfortable and following the same routine, even talking about half as much as we used to. Now onto what happened.

I got back from therapy earlier today and I sent him a long paragraph about what I talked about and how I’m a different person now, which means I require different things in the relationship. I asked him if he could provide this, and everything spiraled out of control. With confrontation, he’s always struggled with it, and resorts to suicidal ideation as an escape. I know this because I did this exact thing. He admitted that he doesn’t think he can provide all of that because he’s failed at everything enough. After I talked him down off of the ledge, after some tears were shed, we were able to clear our heads and have a civil discussion where he thinks he can do this and we agreed to both work on stuff.

However, this whole situation has caused me to worry about him, and I want to speak up about it to his parents. He isn’t in therapy, and the last time he was, his parents were weird about it. But I worry about his safety, and I want him to have a safe space to express everything that he is feeling. Would I be the a-hole if I told his parents?

Edit: I should state that he wasn’t weaponizing his emotions to manipulate me. His mental health has been an ongoing problem for years, and it’s gotten a bit worse as of recently. What happened today is more about context as to why his blow up happened. I don’t think it’s manipulation either because I’ve done the same thing (blown up during confrontation), unless I was unknowingly manipulating someone. But he never said “I’ll harm myself if you do this or that” it was a lot of negative self talk, but once things calmed down, we were able to talk like we’d usually do.

THE PROBLEM that I’m asking about is if I would be the a-hole if I were to tell his parents about his worsening mental health and his suicidal ideation, NOT about the situation that occurred.",NAH. You're kids. You don't need to deal with this drama. Break up.
AITAH For cancelling on a my overburdened friend,"My friend has had many significant life events happen over the past three years (including multiple deaths in her family, a separation, and family drama/chaos). I have routinely done my very best to show up for her in every way possible - whether it’s by spending time with her in person, offering a shoulder to cry on, and am always a phone call away.

I’ve recently noticed that she only confirms plans at the very last second, which I find very stressful. There are times I don’t know what we’re going to do until 2 pm the day we’re supposed to meet, and we will have plans to meet at 2:30 pm. I have also noticed that I am consistently the one travelling to see her, but she has been out to my part of the city once in the 8 years of our friendship. When I have brought this up, she comments on how much more there is to do in her part of the city. Over the past year, it has become increasingly difficult to set concrete plans. When I suggest specific locations and activities to do (and I always follow it up with “I’m open to suggestions” because I want to make sure we do something that’s of interest to both of us), she answers by saying the area she wants to meet in and texts me with less than an hour’s notice before we’re supposed to meet for our confirm plans. I’ve told her I need more notice, since I need time to commute, but this behaviour hasn’t changed. Recently we were supposed to hang out, and tbh, setting it up was a nightmare. She was difficult to reach, and when we eventually did connect, I would suggest an idea and she would come back with something that was near her neighbourhood. When I asked to meet somewhere that was the she eventually agreed to meet me in an area of town that was halfway between our neighborhoods. I texted her the morning we were supposed to meet to confirm plans, as we were supposed to meet at 1:30 pm, but had no confirmed specific location. For context, I knew the area we would be meeting in, but we hadn’t chosen a cafe. By 1:10 pm I still hadn’t heard from her, so I texted to say we would have to reschedule. She texted me at 1:30 (the time we were supposed to meet) asking if we could meet later in the afternoon and I replied that I couldn’t because I had other commitments later in the day. 

She eventually apologized, and I accepted her apology. I respectfully told her I was disappointed that the day hadn’t worked out because we hadn’t confirm plans and said that in the future, we need to confirm sooner so that I can have time to commute and to do the other things I need to do in my day-to-day schedule; I also asked her for her future schedule so we could try to find an alternative date for us to hang out. She then told me she had been flexible and that she was disappointed with me. When I asked her to explain her perspective, she told me she valued our friendship and that she looked forward to our next hang, without setting a date. 

I’m very frustrated with this friendship and feel like my time and patience is being taken for granted. I feel like I’m on standby when we try to make plans, and like a jerk for having boundaries with my time. I understand that she has a lot happening in her life right now (for context, she’s currently planning a memorial) and I have reached out to check in on her and to see how she is doing. I try to be empathetic and understanding, but as of late I feel like I’ve been taken for granted. I feel like TAH because I understand she has limited bandwidth right now, but I would like a friend that responds to my messages and honours the plans we make. AITAH?","No your not the jerk. Honestly there’s only one way to keep your friendship and boundaries. Tell her that if she doesn’t confirm within “X amount of time” before plans without a DAMN good reason like “just waiting for boss to confirm schedule” then DONT GO! tell her your sorry but since she hasn’t confirmed you can’t go because you have other commitments. 

It sucks that’s she’s going through all of that but everyone deals with these things and it doesn’t have to stop them from actually hearing their feelings! Are you the one that pays for food? Are you often the first one to text?"
AITAH for wanting to keep kitchen and living room clear of stuff?,"Me and my roommate (we are sisters) have been having this argument for a while now. I am a bit of a clean freak and like things to be put away and the kitchen and living room to be tidy. I don’t like when there are a bunch of miscellaneous things on the kitchen island. Our space is very small and when it starts feeling cluttered it stresses me out. My roommate is the opposite and likes things out where she can see them. She has adhd and executive disfunction and has mentioned it is easier for her to see everything when it is laid out. Our argument right now is about her wanting to leave her work bag, lunch box,drinks, lunch,keys, and cards out together on the kitchen island and stool every evening before she goes to bed so she can see it all and remembers to grab everything before she leaves for work every morning. She leaves at like 7am for work so before I wake up but puts everything there when she gets back at around 5. I suggested her leaving that stuff in her room rather than taking up the shared space but she says her room is to messy for that.I think if it’s a shared space that means we should keep it clean, if we are using the kitchen or living room obviously our things are going to be out, but when we are done we should move that stuff back to our room or in its designated spot. She feels that because it’s a shared space we both should just be able to leave things out where we want. I can’t tell if I’m in the wrong here because I see where she is coming from with having things closer to the door so she can leave for work easier but I’ve also tried suggesting leaving the keys on the hook by the door and finding an area in the kitchen to leave the lunch supplies and keeping the work bag in her room but she says I’m being controlling for making it an issue. The issue isn’t just the leaving out the  work bag, it is also other things like leaving mail out, notebooks, clothing, etc out on the kitchen island and chairs. When I clean the apt each day , if she isn’t actively using those things that were left out I move them back to her room.She gets mad at me for touching her stuff and not being able to find it after which I do understand. But I also don’t know what the solution is because if I don’t move it it’s just going to sit there until she ever feels like moving it. And if I mention can you put that away she says she’ll “do it later”or no just leave it out. Like do I just live my life around her things? Idk it’s frustrating on both sides but AITAH? 
",YTA. Live alone.
AITAH for hiding sodas from my partner,"I live with my partner of about 10 years. Marriage isn’t something I’m interested in, but suffice to say we’re both locked in. 

Now, my partner loves fizzy drinks. OliPop, la croix, cokes- doesn’t matter as long as it fizzes. I, on the other hand, enjoy 2 max fizzy drink per month. Specifically, sprite with pizza is one of them. Whenever there’s a pizza I need to have a sprite with it. It’s just not the same without- can’t explain why. So I bought the mini cans as they’re the perfect amount and then I’d always have them on hand. I had 1 and my partner drank the rest, and though I explained that I like to have them on hand she didn’t understand what the big deal was. They were in the home and she wanted something fizzy and that she’d replace them. 

She replaced them a few days later but then started drinking them again. I didn’t say anything. I hid 3 of the mini cans. I knew that if she knew they were in the house she’d drink them. 

FF to last week. I got a 6-pack of mini ginger ales as my stomach has been a bit off lately. I left them on the counter since she knew they were bc I wasn’t feeling well. I only drank 3. Well, after I got out of bed the next day and she was at work- I only saw 2 left. Which means she drank one. So, again, I hid the remaining 2. 

I’ve discussed why this is not only annoying but hurtful and she still does not respect it. If it’s in our home she sees it as fair game. 

So really- am I wrong for wanting to have a lil soda every now and again without having to make a trip to the store? How can I make this better if I can?",She left you two and you drink max 2 a month. I think you’re overreacting a bit
AITAH for believing my friend set an unfair boundary?,"Okay, first of all I want to say I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about modern “boundaries” used as a healing tactic. I understand modern therapy promotes cutting people off as an act of self care or protection. But as someone who grew up in relationships as a kid where my friends would give me the silent treatment until I relented to their ideas, that’s what some people’s “boundaries” feel like to me. 

I have been best friends with a girl we’ll call Kate for five years now. It’s been some of the best years of my life and we work together incredibly well. Some background info - I’ve suffered from major anxiety disorders since the age of three stemming from familial issues and a rough childhood. Kate has difficulty expressing love and is very extroverted. She wants the most amount of fun in her life with the least amount of emotional ties if that makes sense. Sometimes I describe the way she interacts with people as a vacuum. She’s super fun but she’ll suck all the fun up and then she’s immediately on to the next thing. 

I admit that I can be VERY emotionally needy. I think some people think this is a bad thing, which it can be, but I’m learning this is just part of having words of affirmation as your love language. I need affirmation that I’m needed and loved a lot sometimes. And Kate also has ADHD where she’ll hyper-fixate on things for an extended period of time, and she will put everything off to have this one thing. Whether it be a friend, a boyfriend, Spider-Man, or a club. She’ll hyper-fixate and then drop it for the next thing later. 

Anyway, Kate is one of my favorite people in the whole world and these issues we both have had never posed a significant threat to our friendship. But problems started in the summer of 2025. Kate and I were both part of an organization we felt wasn’t fitting our needs anymore and becoming toxic, so Kate told me she was ready to move on and I agreed. We promised each other that we’d find a new place together and we started trying out new groups. I left for camp one week in the summer where I was challenged to not use my phone. During this week Kate texted me then she had hung out with a friend (we’ll call her Sue) and they’d ended up trying out this group together. She texted me and said she loved it and wanted me to try it out with her, but Sue would be there too. 

- now Sue… she’s not a good person. Kate tells me she’s trying to change but in the past Kate has had to cut Sue off because her behavior was dragging her down. Sue is not a close friend of Kate’s I’d say. Just a long standing person in Kate’s life who is also extroverted and asks to hang out a lot. And Kate won’t say no to fun after a certain point. I just try to avoid Sue for my own safety from the things I’ve heard and seen about her. So I wasn’t completely comfortable visiting this group if Sue was now a permanent member of it. 

I came back from the camp and this group they’d joined was all Kate would talk about. We’d had plans to hang out when I got back but she canceled for a meeting they were having. She’d been in this group for one week and she was already going to every meeting and get together, putting me farther back in her to dos. It felt hurtful and honestly I felt replaced and abandoned since she’d promised to find a group with me and ended up finding one with Sue. And this was not the first time Kate had gotten obsessed with something and made me feel irrelevant. This same behavior had happened multiple times in the past and always left me feeling very unstable and anxious.

I ended up leaving town and going to another state for most of the summer to get away and see old friends. While I was gone my communication with Kate was limited for a lot of reasons. For one I was still hurting and coping with the fact she was becoming badly hyper-fixated again, and also my friends I was visiting told me they felt uncomfortable when I was on my phone having separate conversations with Kate (which is something to unpack another time. I just decided to respect their wishes and talk to Kate less) Kate NEVER shows her true feelings and the only times I’ve seen her cry is when she was having knee surgery. Unbeknownst to me, my slower responding had a huge impact on her and hurt her a lot. She never told me though and I’d assumed she was having plenty of fun with Sue.

I came home and still felt like the group was taking over Kate’s life and there was no room for me. I was always canceled on and any time I’d try to plan something, she was already busy with the organization. I ended up feeling unwanted and worried id end up in the same spot I’d been in the last couple times Kate had been hyper-fixated and forgotten about me. I had a conversation saying I felt like I needed space for part of the summer and wanted to be mature and healthy about it. But the way she was always talking about the group was making me feel invisible. She told me I was making ultimatums and felt very offended by my confession and that’s when she informed me that I’d hurt her with my lack of communication when I was out of state. I felt really bad and dropped my want for space and never asked about it again. 

But things kept getting worse… the more I felt abandoned and unimportant, the more I felt like I needed affection or affirmation. Kate is not affectionate, and unfortunately my second love language is physical touch. I’d need a hug because I was overwhelmed, or I just needed some kind of reminder that I was her best friend and she loved me. I’d express my need and feelings and most of the time she’d make me feel selfish for asking. This made me feel even less secure and I’d try to pull her close in other ways. Without realizing it I was constantly looking for validation, fear driving me to always worry I wasn’t enough or important. 

Things really got hard for me because Kate started lying about weird things, and she became more closed off without telling me why. - one thing about Kate is she’d always tell anyone who’d listen what she had to do that day. It was so funny actually. Since she had ADHD, she’d recite everything on her to do list so much that by the time school ended, almost everyone knew where she’d be for the rest of the day. - I realized she wasn’t telling me everything like she used to. I asked about the lies I’d catch her in and she’d say she didn’t know why she was lying in the first place, it just happened. I started confronting her about all these things, trying to have conversations where I’d pour out my heart to her. Kate doesn’t like emotions so the conversations would end up with me being vulnerable and Kate feeling squashed by my emotions but never expressing her own. While I was feeling distance and panicking because of it, she was moving farther away because of my anxiety and nitpicking. I bet she felt like she couldn’t breathe around me sometimes, but I truly felt like I was trying to put the summer behind us and build the relationship back up. 

Finally Kate went to a therapy session to deal with her stress and she ended up talking about our friendship issues. The problem is that the session was only an hour long and the therapist only had time for one session. She was backed up for the next few months. So a lot of the therapy session was giving tools to quickly fix issues in Kate’s life, but not giving rhyme or reason to dynamics. Out of the blue two days after the session, Kate texted me and said she needed space and that she didn’t want to be around me one on one anymore. 

I really regret this, but I did not take this well. I felt betrayed that we didn’t have a conversation about this beforehand since I’d tried to hard to be transparent about everything I felt. I called multiple times and texted begging for an explanation. She gave me none. We went to school the next day and she acted like everything was normal around our friends. I was beyond confused. I asked her if we were going to talk and she said most likely we’d talk about it, but it all depended on how I acted. I asked how I should act and she wouldn’t tell me, all she said is I wasn’t acting right so far. I asked for a time we could talk and she said she owed me nothing. I couldn’t fathom this personality switch. We went on Christmas break after this and for an entire month we went no contact. She commented on my insta post and I commented on hers out of respect. I thought that meant we were getting better and she’d worked through whatever she’d needed to work through. 

Sadly I personally spent the entire month in anxiety and constantly trying to understand what I’d done wrong. Through reflection I realized how my anxious behavior probably made Kate feel drained. I felt guilty and started having panic attacks multiple times a day. I felt like everything was my fault and wanted more than anything to apologize and have a conversation. 

We came back from break and Kate was cold. She still presented like everything was normal in front of our friends, but refused to even walk with me alone. I felt alienated. I asked where she was at and she got really mad at me. I asked for healthy boundaries and a clear time we could talk if that was really her end goal, and again she said she wouldn’t do it. I asked if she saw the conversation happening in May and she didn’t have an answer. At this point I started feeling weird. Angry and sad and weird. I felt controlled too. I still was having panic attacks daily and blamed myself for the rupture, but was I really the only one to blame? Suddenly it felt like Kate was doing all this to protect herself from me, not to take a break to think things over and come back with new solutions like I’d assumed she’d been doing. Like I’d been doing. 

Last night I came across an instagram post she’d liked and it said “when you don’t realize how badly someone has been treating you until you talk out loud to someone about it”. Knowing Kate like I do, there’s no way that was meant for anyone but me. So I’m now realizing she thinks I’m toxic and is requiring space until she believes it’s safe to be my friend again. I know I have so much to learn and fall short and mess up all the time. But the fact she thinks her best friend was being toxic and that I wouldn’t do everything in my power to change for her if she’d told me any of this is baffling to me.  

I’m just extremely hurt by all this and am suffering from the other side of the boundary. I understand this is a tool people use to block bad things out of their life, but is it really right to cut me out like this and treat me like I don’t exist when all I wanted was to be honest with conversation? I believe Kate has every right to need a break from all the pressure a relationship can put on someone, but to say she needs space and take all the authority and power and be the one to say whether I can talk to her or not it so painful. And to not put a healthy time limit on it either just feels wrong. And she never told me the problem. I had to find out she felt this way through instagram, which is also crazy to me. Idk just please help me figure out what to do in the midst of this and if Kate is doing this right. All I know for sure is I’m hurting and in a constant state of guilt and anxiety and I can’t keep living like this. 

I really do care about Kate and believe we were an amazing match, but I can’t help thinking maybe we’ve run our course. Maybe this is where we realize we can’t go any deeper because of our different approaches to relationships. I’d love more than anything to be able to wait for Kate and have a conversation and return to being friends, I’m just not sure I’m capable of that right now. ","Yes, YTA.  You don’t have to like her boundaries, but you can choose to respect them and give her the space she requests.  I think you should also spend this time learning how to set your own personal boundaries. 

I’m a “words of affirmation” and “quality time” kind of gal, but I don’t squeeze my friends to death because of it. You might benefit from some counseling to work on yourself. There needs to be some balance. 

Perhaps seek out activities, clubs, classes, organizations, hobbies, or whatever, things that YOU like, and go by yourself, and be open to meeting new people."
AITAH For telling my parents that my neighbor is being a Horrible person,"Okay for this ill be using his initial J m29 and his wife B F28. In the past i have no had issues with these neighbors, in fact B had given me her own sourdough recipe since she knows i like to make sourdough. In my apartment its just me, my mom, my dad, and my older brother who isn't around much because of college. I won't be disclosing my age but im in early highschool and i like most of my neighbours but J gets on my nerves. Hes been rude and disrepectful to me ever since i met him but i won't say anything to B because she is such a kind woman.

One day i was doing laundry down in the basement and J was waiting for me to move my things to the dryer and i apologized for being late and we moved on. Until the next time he made a really rude comment and i quote ""you should be faster i mean its not that hard to get from the top floor to here. You should really hurry up next time"" and he rolls his eyes at me. This isn't as bad as it was to me at the time but the comment he made next under his breathe really bothered me ""slow b\*tch"". That really bothered me as i always make a point to be kind to my neighbour because i like their to be peace. When i had gotten back to my apartment i complained to my mom (for context she is a very strong latina woman but can go overboard at times)

She had obviously told my dad and we brushed past it. Until my mother got an email from the  head of the complex stating that we need to be faster while doing laundry. J had complained about me to management, and gotten an email/ warning sent to my family. My mom decided to have a 'talk' with him but she ended up just yelling at him and i feel just a bit bad because i never wanted it to go this far. I watched B get so sad and upset that her husband did this and her husband looks remorsful and since then ive felt guilty and just bad for starting this whole thing by complaining to my parents. I need to know if i should have kept my mouth shut and went on with it or if im right for what i did.  So, am i the asshole?","If J didn't want a confrontation then he shouldn't be confrontational. You are a minor child doing your best. He is a grown man who should know better. You do not verbally berate someone who is clearly attempting to appease you. 


B knows how her husband is. She lives with him and knows him in ways you don't. You should have informed her sooner but trust me, his behavior would not have shocked her. 


Let your parents handle this and when you see B let her know you were not expecting your mother to explode. 


None of this is your fault at all. None of it.


NTA."
AITAH for threatening to go to HR on my coworker?,"Just to give a little backstory on this situation, I have a co-worker/team lead who can be unbearable to work with. The thing about him is he can be really witty and funny at times but just as much fun he is to be around he can be equally aggressive and annoying.

He makes a lot of negative remarks about team members to other team members and to the boss. He has insulted mine and a few others intelligence to our face, talks down to us, has yelled at us and had been trying to micromanage us and nitpicks about stuff our actual boss has no issue with. He often jokes and laughs about how he knows he is condescending and sarcastic that's just the way he is and he can't change that. He has ran quite a few people off the job with his behavior and our boss seems kind of scared of the guy. He has a bit of niche knowledge in the company and will threaten to quit sometimes if he doesn't get his way. He had been getting worst and worst and sticking his nose in situations that doesn't concern him and trying to control everything and everyone. 


So I recently had a blow out with the guy because I had enough of his shit. He was trying to get me to complete a task I didn't have time for due to having my own duties plus it had already been allocated to someone else but he felt it would get done faster if I did it. So I finally said to him, who's currently working on the project? and he mentioned the other guys name and I told him then let's keep it that way. He got all offended and asked what I meant by that and I told him it was exactly what I said and to focus on his own work. So he told me he would be reporting me to my boss to which I replied that I could also report his horrible attitude to HR. He then got really scared and wouldn't speak to me anymore after that and had been telling people to watch out when talking to me because I will go to HR on them. 



One of my other co workers came to me after they heard about the disagreement and told me they understood why I snapped at him but was like wtf threatening HR was kind of extreme and uncalled for. She said that I basically threatened his livelihood and should've went about the situation a different way. At first I didn't give a shit cause I felt like he put that type of energy out there but can't take it when someone matches it but I do feel a bit confused on if I took it too far. So AITAH here?
",">So he told me he would be reporting me to my boss to which I replied that I could also report his horrible attitude to HR. He then got really scared 




So he can throw about reporting you but you cannot return the favor?


Also if he's that scared, he knows he definitely has a problem.


The coworker saying you are threatening his livelihood should let him keep doing whatever but to her. As for you, mission accomplished and you are NTA."
AITAH for telling my mom I don't want my birthday gift anymore? [Update!!],"Hiya everyone!
I wanted to make an update post cause I was seriously greatful for the advice I received and the situation has been solved!
So I waited a bit before talking with my mom. I was genuinely nervous and I felt horrible. We had a sit down on the couch and I explained to her how I felt about the whole thing. 
I kinda started out the convo rough but I asked her point blank of the ticket had been meant for my uncle [one of my aunts husbands] cause they did hang out a lot as a group and some people on my first post asked if that was the case. Turns out there was actually 5 tickets and my uncle wasn't apart of the group! The ticket was meant for me and the concert yes was definitely something she wanted to do with her friends but also with me in mind! 
I told her that the idea of my aunts being there made me feel like I was going to be out of place and that I had become more anxious. As well as a couple of other things that I expressed in my previous post.
She told me that she was happy that I could be honest with her and that she wasn't angry or hurt at all.  
The plans have changed so now we're still going to go see him but it'll just be me and her and on a different day. We're also going to have a day in the city he's performing in which I'm super excited for cause we did that a couple months back and literally it was so amazing!
Thank you again for everyone who gave me advice. I'm truly greatful and it helped me be able to talk to her! Have a good day everyone!

[I apologize if it doesn't make sense. I'm really bad at communicating things sometimes so if there's anything that's confusing js lemme know!]","I’m glad it worked out. 

Enjoy your concert."
AITAH for telling my mom I don't want my birthday gift anymore? [Update!!],"Hiya everyone!
I wanted to make an update post cause I was seriously greatful for the advice I received and the situation has been solved!
So I waited a bit before talking with my mom. I was genuinely nervous and I felt horrible. We had a sit down on the couch and I explained to her how I felt about the whole thing. 
I kinda started out the convo rough but I asked her point blank of the ticket had been meant for my uncle [one of my aunts husbands] cause they did hang out a lot as a group and some people on my first post asked if that was the case. Turns out there was actually 5 tickets and my uncle wasn't apart of the group! The ticket was meant for me and the concert yes was definitely something she wanted to do with her friends but also with me in mind! 
I told her that the idea of my aunts being there made me feel like I was going to be out of place and that I had become more anxious. As well as a couple of other things that I expressed in my previous post.
She told me that she was happy that I could be honest with her and that she wasn't angry or hurt at all.  
The plans have changed so now we're still going to go see him but it'll just be me and her and on a different day. We're also going to have a day in the city he's performing in which I'm super excited for cause we did that a couple months back and literally it was so amazing!
Thank you again for everyone who gave me advice. I'm truly greatful and it helped me be able to talk to her! Have a good day everyone!

[I apologize if it doesn't make sense. I'm really bad at communicating things sometimes so if there's anything that's confusing js lemme know!]",What a fantastic update. You went from I don’t want this to let’s make it our thing. Nothing like clearing the air with your mom. Here’s to making new memories without any awkward uncles in sight.
AITAH; I called my colleague out for doing work that was assigned to me when I agreed to pick it up after I was back from annual leave and left her work to me after multiple previous attempts of shifting her work responsibilities to me,"I’m new to this consulting company but not new to the industry. The project team consists of me, a project manager and an engagement leader. Both other colleagues are senior to me.

When the work started, I did some work but had to take sick leave during that time the engagement leader (most senior colleague) advised me to handover my model work the work to the project manager. The project manager didn’t progress the work when I was away and sick but they just checked the work. They only progressed the report that was assigned to them. When I was back I was under immense pressure to finish everything, working extra hours. I worked between Xmas and new year with the engagement leader to move the work forward while the project manager was on annual leave. I was still working on the model but when back from holidays the project manager tried to push some of her work to me as well but I kept saying that I was at capacity and couldn’t take this. I was annoyed that they didn’t check my scope upfront and kept trying to assign even their own work to me. Most of the time when I pushed back by flagging my own work they stayed silent. Eventually we were about to finish the work, but the client gave us even more work right before a few days of the deadline and I was going to be away the next day (Friday) and the weekend. Before I logged off I said I’d pick up the additional model work when I was back after the weekend. When I logged back on on Monday the project manager took up all my work related to the model, when asked by the engagement leader about the report they said they report couldn’t be finished because the model isn’t finished. The project manager was away on the Monday I was back so I couldn’t ask them why they took my work away from me so in the group chat I thanked them for their help but mentioned that I’d agreed to pick up the work when I was back and it’s what was assigned to me, then I said I appreciate the support but I’d preferred if we stayed aligned on the roles and expectations. The engagement leader replied to the message saying the project manager stepped in as client deadline was closer. AITAH for calling them out?

TLDR; colleague not following assigned role and responsibilities. Cherry picking the work they want to help with. Not checking my scope before pushing their work towards me and staying silent when I flagged that I had work of my own. Interfering in my work in my absence and not letting me know out of courtesy. I eventually called them out politely in the group chat but also thanked them. AITAH?","NTA. Call it out early, or it becomes a habit. She's trying to see what she can get away with with you."
My (32M) GF (29F) and I have been having issues and fights. AITAH or is this on her?,"My (32M) GF (29F) and I have been together for almost 10 months. We met on Hinge and had an almost instant connection and level of familiarity & closeness with each other. We talked for an entire week with each other before meeting for our first date the following weekend. When we were on our first date, we both said things like, “wow it feels like I’ve missed you rather than meeting you for the first time” Just felt right with each other. She was very direct, respectful, calm, and just lovely to talk to. We had a great first date and we slept together. Again, she was very honest and direct about what she was looking for.. and said she doesn’t want to sleep with/date multiple people at once. I thought that was admirable as I also don’t like the idea of sleeping/dating multiple at once. So I agreed to that. We continued hanging out and I really enjoyed spending time with her. 

However, I for whatever reason didn’t pursue as I normally would? Maybe bc it seemed like our connection was so unique, but we just hung out as if we’d known each other for ages, not really elaborate dates. Here is where I wasn’t really a good person. I was true to not sleeping with others. But, I kind of continued to act single. Granted, it was still early (only weeks in) but I went out with friends, got waitresses numbers, random girls numbers, texted them, etc. I knew in my heart I wanted nothing to do with them. But I continued to engage, almost out of insecurity I guess. When we were sitting together, I would scroll through my photos, knowing there were raunchy/NSFW pics of me and/or other girls that sent me pics or I screenshotted or something. If I’m being honest with myself now, I think it was because I was insecure and wanted her to know I was a guy that partied. That got women and that was wanted. It’s pathetic bc… while thats true… I think she could have known that was the case. But I was stupid and pushed it in her face. She was pretty gentle and almost was smirking a bit at first. But then I took it further. I told her about how there’s cute girl at my work. I made it known that I still have ex’s nudes on my phone. Looked up former girls on IG that I slept with. This started to really eat at her and then fights started. After some months, I truly did reflect and I basically explained all of this to her. That I was being an ass and I 100% see how this would affect someone. 

I wanted to make it right. I offered to just delete my IG for a while while we work on regaining trust. I promised to get less jumpy on my phone and not freak out if she wanted to look at something on it. We would make really good progress, but there would be bumos and hiccups on the way. This girl really does do everything for me. She does 90% of the housework (laundry, cleaning, supplies, etc.) Cooking is one thing we really do share kinda 50/50. She gets fed up with that at times, which I fully agree with and understand. And I try to do more. She is very Type A and gets started on it when I don‘t even realize sometimes, at odd hours even. Anyway, to this day we are dealing with trust issues/jealousy. I can confidently say that I haven’t been doing anything bad to her for months now and nothing behind her back. I have been overly transparent with her. (i.e. if someone adds me on social media, I show her for example). Another issue has been porn. In a way, I realize its good to cut that out as it can be not great for people. So I want to say yes to going away with it, but then at times I bring it up and ask why it bothers her even in the first place and we fight.

We have had many many fights. Never fully physical, but there’s been times where accidental scratches or grabs happened. She does yell a lot and has a way of escalating. Just recently she got angry and threw my desk chair into a wall and then knocked a picture off my wall and glass shattered.

I was very shaken up and the police came. They talked to both of us and we both defended each other. The argument stemmed from me saying that I agree trust it’s important and not lying, but that also prying and digging into every little detail of my personal life is just asking to get hurt. Basically I am saying and asking for her to trust me to have common sense about what is hurtful vs. what is acceptable in a relationship. How do we move forward? Please help.","It's crazy to me that you're 32. I don't know what to add, other comments are very true in that you need to break up and see a therapist. For both of you it sounds like absolutely unhinge behaviour to have, especially at your age.  
YTA"
AITAH for using my gift card to by a dishwasher?,"My soon to be wife and I bought a dishwasher. I had received a gift card from work for £250 and decided to use it for the household instead of myself. The dishwasher cost us £369 so we had £119 left to pay.

AITAH for saying that I think I paid for more than half to my fiancée when she asked me to pay the half of the remaining costs after she used her gift card she got (£200) on things for herself? She says that the gift card wasn't real money and that I wouldn't of bought anything useful with it.  I then snapped and asked what she her used her gift card for and why is my gift card not real money when it's clearly worth £250.

She stormed off and is now not talking to me... AITAH?","NTA. It has monetary value, you spent yours on the house and she spent hers on herself. After that, and she still asks for more? That's just plain selfish."
AITAH for not wanting to be friendly with the father (35m) of my (27f) kid?,"So as the title says, I don’t want to be friends or friendly with the father of my kid. There is a lot of history from the relationship, a lot of abuse, mostly verbal and emotional but it got physical at times. I won’t say I’m innocent as I definitely did say things to him during our relationship that were not okay. I ended the relationship a bit over 2 years ago after being able to be apart from him due to the fact that he lost his job and we could not afford rent anymore. He wasn’t allowed to live at my parents place because when he did in the past he fought with my brother (because he was threatening to beat me so my brother got involved and tried to defend me) and threatened to beat my dad. Now I know, I’m extremely stupid and naive for having thought I could’ve changed him especially after all that, but I was young and in love with him. Anyways after having more time apart from him I saw how manipulative and hurtful the relationship was, on both sides at that point because I believe after so long of being abused you tend to mirror your abusers behavior, which is why I say I’m not entirely innocent. So I decided to end it. This was the beginning of basically psychological games and torture against me, that’s really the only way I can put it. When we first broke up, he basically had a idgaf attitude calling me a hoe and stuff, whatever honestly I wish it would’ve stayed that way, but after he realized that I really wasn’t gonna come back, in came the begging. And when I mean begging, this man literally would act like he was about to kill himself, sending me goodbye texts that he loves me and that I’ll never have to see him again the not responding for days. I had to call the cops a few times. Apparently, he laid in the middle of the street trying to get ran over. Insane time. Then he goes to therapy, pretty sure his mom made him if he wanted to stay at her house any longer. This made honestly every thing worse. At first he acted apologetic telling me he’s sorry for how he acted in our relationship and he’s changed, I did not believe him. I don’t believe people can make such rapid change in my opinion, shit like that takes years to unpack and fix. He begged me to take him back saying he would do anything I wanted.that he would be the provider man he has to be. Like it sounded a mix of wounded puppy mixed with alpha male ideologies to try and appease me, as if paying for stuff would make everything he did okay. When I wouldn’t take him back, he stated back at the I’m a piece of shit, im a shit mom, I should jut give up my daughter. Mind you, during the past two years, he went on a 6 month hiatus when his mom kicked him out for being literally insane and threatening to kill himself, which okay good cause honestly I did not want my daughter around that, he’s had her maybe 1 or 2 days every week besides that. I will say there were a couple work trips I had to go to that he watched her, but he would always use it later on saying oh I did all this for you, I’m going you a favor, I don’t have to do shit and you’re not grateful for it. Honestly that use to piss me off so much cause it’s like you’re her dad? You don’t even watch her 50% of the time and you having her is a favor to me? But whatever, this has basically been my life for the past two years. I recently, last month, put boundaries on our communication. With the support of my boyfriend, who I’ve been dating now for almost a year (yayyy), I’ve been really good at sticking to those boundaries. However, he’s been a complete dick about it. So you guys know what I set here they are:

\-I will not talk on the phone unless the call is recorded (he always says he will pick up our daughter on the phone then on text he’ll be like. I never said I’d get her)

\-if he doesn’t want to talk on the phone, then communication will be through text

\-we will only communicate on things that regard our daughter 

IMO these are pretty reasonable boundaries. But now he’s being a dick by basically refusing to have a schedule saying that his schedule is none of my business because I don’t want to have an relationship with him, even as friends, telling me I’m a shit person because I don’t want to hang out with him, saying that he tried being nice and being my friend but I didn’t want that so now he’s gonna be a dick. Mind you, he apparently has a girlfriend? So idk why he’s so up my ass. Anyways I want to know if I’m being a dick for not really wanting to keep a friendly relationship with him. I just don’t think it necessary nor healthy. But maybe I should try harder as he is the father of my kid? Idk. ","NTA


But, if you haven't already done so, file in court to have child support and visitation legally established.  Also, ask the court to require the use of a parenting app for communication.  "
"AITAH for questioning whether I should continue seeing a guy even though he checks a lot of ""good on paper"" boxes, because I don't know if I am capable of real love?","I (26F) recently went on a date with a man (33M). He's divorced and says his ex wife cheated. He has a stable job, lives nearby, and has a cat (I'm also a cat mom). Personality wise, we actually get along really well. We're both extroverted and conversation flowed easily. One thing to note: He is short, 5'7"", and I normally don't go for shorter men. On the date, he was very physically affectionate. Hand holding, kissing, etc. I personally hate physical touch early on. It makes me uncomfortable, and I was visibly nervous. He didn't force anything, but the intensity made me anxious. I also recently went through a breakup. Looking back, I've noticed a pattern in my relationships: I usually have doubts at the beginning, then over time I grow attached and feelings build. With my ex, I didn't feel strongly at first, but eventually I became invested. When he brokeup with me, I was devastated. Here's the part I'm struggling with being honest about: I don't think I've ever truly been ""in love"". What I have wanted deeply is marriage, a wedding, kids, stability, the life. I think I subconsciously viewed my exes as tickets to that dream rather than loving them for who they were. When breakups happened, I wasn't grieving the person as much as I was grieving the future I thought I lost. I hate admitting this, but I even told past boyfriends that I loved them when I don't know if I actually felt that. I think I wanted the outcome more than the relationship itself. Now with this new guy, I'm torn. He seems like a genuinely good person and capable of giving me the life I want, but I'm questioning whether it's fair to continue seeing him when I'm unsure if I even know how to love someone properly. I want to fall in love. I just don't know if I'm wired that way or if I've been chasing milestones instead of connection. So Reddit, AITAH for questioning this and hesitating instead of just ""giving him a chance""?","This doesn’t sound like you’re broken, it sounds like you’re tired and still processing stuff. Also the physical affection thing alone would make me hesitate, that kind of mismatch can get louder over time, not quieter."
aitah for making my bf drop all of his friends..?😶,"About a year ago me and my boyfriend met and after a few months we started dating, at the time I had 3 friends and he had none they all wanted to meet him and I thought what could go wrong so one night we all decided to hang out when two of my friends started making fun of me I ignore it and moved on a few months later they were spreading rumors about me so we stopped being friends but my bf and then were still friends my other friend would constantly flirt with him and I was pissed I ended up dropping her but my bf was still friends with all of them all 3 of them were my friends for 4-3 years so I was upset for awhile my boyfriend would constantly bring them up and talk good about them they were all really great friends and were close for about 5 months I eventually got tired of hearing about them so I told him if he didn’t stop being friends with them I would break up with him he ended up dropping them and was upset at me for a long time he told me that since he stopped being friends with them he’s felt so alone and like he had no one and I feel bad aitah..?","Fucks sake, that Covid era education sure took its toll.  YTA by the way"
AITAH for starting to resent my best friend because she’s involved with an engaged man?,"My best friend has been in relationship with a guy for about eight years. They’re from different religions, and his parents never accepted their relationship eight to nine months ago, his parents arranged his engagement to another woman
Even after that my best friend is still emotionally/ romantically involved with him. The fiancée once confronted my best friend because she noticed that the guy follows her and likes all her social media posts. My best friend didn’t say anything at the time because the guy told her not to. He said that if the engagement breaks, his mother who apparantly has heart problems could get sick
So basically the guy is two timing he’s engaged to one woman while still being involved with my best friend.
The reason this situation is bothering me so much is personal. I have an aunt I’m very close to who was cheated on in her marriage and is still stuck in it because she has two small children and can’t leave. Because of that, cheating is a huge emotional trigger for me. When my best friend talks about this, it genuinely upsets me and brings up a lot of painful emotions.
I want to be clear that I’m not sharing this just to tell my best friend’s business. This is about how much it’s affecting me. She vents to me a lot about her feelings, and sometimes even talks badly about the fiancée. When that happens, I feel really uncomfortable and hurt, and I can’t help but see my aunt in that woman.
I’ve tried to handle this gently. I told my best friend that I’d be disappointed if she continued this relationship after the guy gets married. I also told her I trusted her judgment. She told me she doesn’t trust herself that she’ll “always love him,” and that she’d even accept him if he divorced his future wife someday.
She often says that if he stops talking to her, she’ll stop talking to him, but that never actually seems to happen.
Another issue is that she has made it very clear that if I ever say anything negative about this guy, she won’t tolerate it and would resent me for it ( because she apparently loves him more than life itself?) . Because of that, I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her. She keeps saying he’s being pressured into this marriage because he earns very little money and is financially dependent on his parents, so he has no choice but to go along with an arranged marriage (she portrays him as a victim??)
At the same time, she says the fiancée should leave him if she has any hints(the likes,comments, follow) that he’s already involved with someone else. From my perspective, it feels like he’s getting the best of both worlds, while two women are getting played.
What hurts me the most is that my best friend presents herself as very religious (while having a problem with me being atheist) yet she’s participating in something that actively hurts another woman. Hearing her speak badly about the fiancée really affects me emotionally.
I don’t interfere in their relationship but being constantly exposed to this situation has left me emotionally drained and quietly resentful. I feel guilty for feeling this way because she has been there for me during my worst times and truly is my ride-or-die friend I don’t want to lose her but every time she talks about this guys fiancee I just can't think of anyone but my aunt 

Please if it's little confusing I'm sorry because english isn't my first language","It sounds like he is cheating on her with his arranged marriage.  They've been together for 8 years, she will never be accepted by his family because she is the wrong religion.  Rather than him manning up and telling his parents (who will cut him off) the truth, he went along with them finding him a suitable women.  

They are incompatible until his parents come to terms with it, he mans up, or his parents pass.  Sounds like maybe he is the love of her life and she can't come to terms with him being out of her life for money.  

But if their relationship is a deal breaker for you, you can end the friendship with her.  If this is too much tell her I can't condone what you are doing and it triggers deep routed feelings for me.  For this reason I have to step away from our friendship, let me know if things change."
AITAH For Not Caring About My Mother,"I (20M) have never had a great relationship with my mother, who is from Korea. Since I was young, my mom and dad fought often, and fiercely. Arguments would bleed through my closed door, and I would usually be terrified or angry that they were fighting so often. For a stretch, they would fight every day, and I would perch myself at the top of the stairs waiting to see if I needed to intervene and try to fix the situation, usually having to jump between them as they yelled as I spent hours and hours talking to my mom trying to cool the situation. I specifically target this post toward her because my dad has almost never been the cause of their arguments. My mom has shown herself to be a chronic narcissist, always believing she's the victim of her circumstances between her and her family, myself, my dad, her friends, my dad's family. She also blames everything on everyone else, but this post is tailored toward something specific.

My mom has, throughout multiple points in my life, threatened to go back to Korea. The first time she threatened it, it was when I was 6, and she and my dad had been through a fierce argument. The details are fuzzy for me, as it was a long time ago, but I remember being terrified to leave my house. She was demanding, that night, I leave Canada, leave my house, leave school and everything I knew and just move to Korea. It's my birth country, but I hadn't been there since I was 3. I denied, and she left the house to go for a drive then came back in a rage. This was not an isolated case. When I was 8, 11, 12, and 16, we went through it all again. All the while, my parents fought, and by my parents fought, I mean my mother created problems, blamed them on my dad, then would scream at him until he finally caved and accepted responsibility for something he didn't even do. She eventually turned that behaviour on me, including getting angry and blaming me for being afraid to go with her. My attitude, over the years, began to shift from being terrified of her leaving to being sad about her leaving, toward starting to feel numb, then not caring, then hoping she would so I can escape the hell that is walking on eggshells every time I try to stay around my house. 

A brief note: I haven't moved out yet because I can't afford to, but also because my dad and I have a really good relationship because, surprise surprise, not being abusive, mentally torturous, depriving someone of sleep to scream at them at 3 in the morning when they have an exam the next day, leads to someone actually wanting to spend time with you. 

But it's gotten worse. When she realised I didn't care about her moving away anymore because i knew her threats were empty, and she never would move away despite how much she wanted me to feel like she would, her threats changed. When she realised that, maybe, yelling at me for hours and telling me I'd regret not trying to make her stay and saying how terrible of a person I am for not caring might not make me want to have her around, she turned and started threatening to kill herself. She says it's trying to convey her feelings and how she's hurting, but she has, multiple times, told me she'd rather be dead, then has recently taken to saying she wants to kill herself. Notably, she only says this when I don't accept everything she says at face value and take full blame for everything that's ever happened between us, including when I wouldn't leave the house at 6 years old. Then, last night, according to my dad, when he said she was using that threat as a power trip and control move to try and get what she wanted, she created a noose out of saran wrap and put a chair nearby as if she'd actually hang herself. 

When he told me, i didn't feel sad, or scared. I felt angry, and resentful, that she was trying to weaponise this. But now that it's the morning, I'm not sure if that was the right move. I keep trying to justify this to myself, thinking ""caring about you hurt me, so I stopped caring,"" but I think objective minds might be able to clarify this a little further. So AITA for not caring about her anymore? ",NTA.  I would call the police the next time she decides to threaten to take the self checkout lane.  A 72 hour psych hold does wonders to deter that kind of behavior.
WIBTAH if I left a note for my Neighbors,"I 21(f) live in an apartment with my parents we been here for about 10 years plus but the last 2 years have been hell. 

My neighbors live in a 2 bedroom apartment that is the biggest apartment size in the building but from the looks of it I've have seen over 6 people living there. And I get that it can get noisy but this is not the case. I can here them at all times of the day and its not just ever day tasks wich I get and can here like the dish and them being in the the shower. 

This noises are yelling 90% of the time that makes me mad I wake up to them at any time of the day or night about 2 to 4 times a week. I think the earliest ive woke up to them is about 6 in the morning. 

And the yelling normally starts when I here one of the female yelling shut up to the baby and the baby starts wailing before i here the shut up i do not hear the baby at all and the female keeps screaming shut up and baby crys even louder. 

 I get that baby cry but it does not bother me 99% of the time. its them yelling at all hours in the morning and night. 

Another time they were yelling at 3 or 4 am then around 8 or 9 yelling again. And its not just taking loud wich they do Its yelling, some times  for over an hour. 

Now here is where my dilemma is i have brought up to my parents before that maybe we should wright a note or something and they said no. But im at my braking point I'm not sleep properly.I here them doing anything im not trying to stop there everyday stuff just the constant yelling all the time. 

Now WIBTHA if I whent be hind my parents back an wrote a note

*I do not like confrontation and the note would be anonymous

(Im dyslexic so sorry for bad grammar and spelling)
","You’re not wrong for being exhausted, constant yelling, especially involving a baby, would push anyone to a breaking point. But an anonymous note could backfire; looping in building management might actually protect your peace without creating new drama."
AITAH? Boyfriend’s search history and just general weirdness adding up.,"See, my boyfriend often leaves his phone around me. When he’s showering, sometimes when he’s on the loo etc. 

Went on his phone yesterday to google something, right infront of his face too. I go to Safari and literally right there in the search bar I saw ‘Piper Rockelle Nudes’ and ‘Charliiize nudes’ (whoever tf charlize is) 
Immediately gasped and laughed, he turned and said ‘it’s nothing like that, I just wasn’t aware she had an onlyfans.’ And proceeded to reassure me that I can check his phone if I want to, and that if he was being a ‘naughty fucker’ then he would have hidden it better than that. I mean fair point. I just let it go. 

This isn’t the first time i’ve seen weird activity though. Nothing worth really making a song and dance over, or breakup worthy imo, but things are starting to add up now. 

1. April 2025 when he was on holiday, he’d followed a few random girls on tiktok, I called this out and he was very very apologetic and took accountability. 

2. Couple months later I found tinder on his phone, with a recent profile picture (he’d literally taken this picture WHILE we were getting together.) But he denies this and says the picture and account is from ages ago. I let him off because tbf i didn’t actually see any active chats other than one message saying ‘hey xx’ that he didn’t respond to. He also has had tinder deleted since. 

3. More random tiktok follows.

4. Once deleted a conversation with a girl that i’m not very keen on - reason being is because she’s tried it on with him once in the past when he was fat, and he’s since had a huuuge glowup. I also hate her flirty ass voice but then again this is also just insecurity talking now. I read through the conversation and it was him arranging to meet her at the pub alongside their mutual friend. He deleted the conversation because he knows I’m a bit weary of her. I mean okay but why delete it lol?? He also admitted this to me, again, whatever. We moved on. 

5. FAVOURITED tiktoks of multiple random girls (and I mean random, not even influencer level.) I was fucking fuming tbh. 

6. Did have this one colleague he was very close with too, and looooved to talk about. I found her to be quite unwelcoming tbh and she just generally has a nasty vibe about her. But I do really think that she was nothing to worry about, and I never saw or heard otherwise really tbh. Especially since she’s now left that job and I don’t hear about her anymore or ever see her notification pop up. I’m not going to check because I’d like to trust that she was just a fellow office friend that I happened to not really like due to her weird cold attitude. 

I know some of you may feel as if i’m invading his privacy, and while you aren’t wrong, I feel that the women that read this, particularly younger women; do you ever just have that disgusting instinct to just look and see what’s on that damn phone? 

I haven’t actually found anything that indicates blatant cheating. And I think ‘microcheating’ is a silly term. Everyone has eyes, fine. I find other men attractive, but to actively favourite random tiktoks of random men (celebs don’t count) follow random guys, deleting conversations with people who he KNOWS i’m uncomfortable with… idk if i’m a paranoid freak or if there’s maybe something fishy/cheatery about him. 

I will admit that I can be a pretty jealous girl, and i’m not proud of it. I do also have a huge fear of being cheated on, and I can’t really ever ‘fully’ trust a man tbh. I’ve heard enough stories from friends, even the most gorgeous celebrities have been cheated on, i’m practically convinced that there’s always ‘someone’. Which is my own internal problem, clearly. 

Is this typical man behaviour and nothing to worry about, or should I run for the hills? He is 22, i’m 19. We have been dating for about a year and a half now. 

Am I being a freak? Or is this dodgy asf? Lmk",duuumppp himmmmm🎶
WIBTAH if I no call no show tomorrow?,"There was an event tomorrow that I was asked to attend in the middle of my regular work shift, so I got a coworker to cover my shift (both verbally in person and through text). My coworker was in a car accident, and obviously can no longer cover my shift (they’re fine, caught some ice and rolled the car, managed to get out with just a bit of a concussion, recovering well at home, remember to always wear your seatbelt). I got a call from my manager, saying that they now need me to work my shift because no one else is able to cover the shift. He was very apologetic, and he really did ask everyone if they were able to come in tomorrow, because they texted me to apologize that they weren’t able to come in at such short notice. 

My work has a policy that if someone else has agreed to cover a shift for you, and you having it in writing, then you are off the hook, and if something comes up it’s the person who agreed to cover’s responsibility to find someone else or come in for work. Obviously I don’t expect my poor coworker to cover for me anymore, but also I kind of feel like it’s not on me to come in because I did my responsibility and it’s not my fault or my problem that things went wrong, and per the company’s own rules, I’m off the hook for it. It just feels really really shitty. 

I labeled this as a hypothetical because I will not actually be no call no showing tomorrow because as shitty as I think this is for me, I know my coworkers would be eating most of that shit sandwich if I don’t come in. There aren’t any real consequences for not attending the event (except that it’s my only chance to do it and I really wanted to go), so I will be at work tomorrow but I won’t be in a good mood about it. ","If you no call/no show, you have a good chance of losing your job. But you aren't doing that. I think IF you did, YWBTA for all the things you listed."
WIBTAH For giving my girlfriend a secondhand birthday gift?,"My(27M) girlfriend's(24F) birthday is coming up so I'm thinking about what to get her. She sometimes likes to play my Nintendo Switch when she's over at my place, but I recently lucked into a Switch 2 so I don't use it that much anymore. I was thinking of giving my original Switch to her for her birthday. My coworker said she would be offended if her BF gave her his old last gen console as a birthday gift, so now I'm doubting myself. I'm getting her other gifts as well, but what should I do?","Letting her have your old Nintendo switch wouldn’t be a bad gift on a random day BUT definitely don’t give it to her as her birthday gift or on a special day😭😭 I’d be offended too, your coworker is right."
AITAH for not letting my mom wear whatever she wants?,"Hi everyone, I am making this post because I really need to get this off my chest because it has affected my very deeply. I (27F) am getting married in august at a national park. The only people that are going are my parents and my fiances parents. I was so excited for the wedding and everytime I thought about marrying my fiance in a national park with my family surrounding us I would just feel so mushy inside. I am pretty close with my mother and like most mother daughter relationships there has always been ups and down but that stopped once I left for college and since college I have felt like we were besties. This past weekend I went to my parents house to have dinner with them and also so my mom and I could talk about where I wanted to hem the train of my dress. After dinner my mother is asking me what colors I am expecting people to wear during the national park wedding and I say whatever as long as its muted/earth tone colors.

This is where things start going downhill... she kept asking me what colors she could wear and I showed her a color palette and she did not like it. She said all the colors would look bad on her. Then she says she doesn't want to buy a new dress, so I offer to buy her a dress. Then she starts showing me dresses online, but they are either not very cute (I know that ""cute"" depends on the person) or they are really bright colors, which I don't want. I showed her some dresses I think might have looked very flattering on her and she didn't like any of them. Then she asks me what is my fiances mom and step mom wearing and I say the step-mom is leaning towards a plum color. So then she made the decision that all the women are going to wear plum now, but I don't want that because I want people to wear a muted color they feel comfortable in.

Then she asks me what shoes she should wear and I say something comfortable you can walk in, like one of the other ladies may be wearing cowgirl boots which I think is fun. She pulls out boots with high heels on them and I ask her if she feels comfortable walking around in dirt in those because I just want her to be safe. She said she will just bring a separate pair of shoes and change into them. So my brain thought was ""you're going to wear heels, change into other shoes, get to the photography spot and make everyone wait for you to put your heels back on?"" So I tell her not to wear the shoes she just showed me so then she pulls out ankle booties with heels on them and I also said not to wear those because they look harder to walk in than the last.

While this is all happening, I am texting my fiance about what shes saying and I tell her his opinions that he is texting me and this is when she blows up on me. She just starts yelling at me about how chaotic this is and how I need to figure out what I want. So I calmly tell her I need to leave and as I am leaving the house she is cussing at me and then she yell at me that she doesn't want to go. I was so in shock that I calmly looked at her and just said ""you're telling me you don't want to go to my wedding anymore?"" and she looks me point blank in the eye and says yes. I guess my dad was behind me and he watched me leave the garage and then proceeded to close the garage door in my face without saying a word to me.

As I am leaving I am bawling my eyes out. I never imagined my wedding without my mother. She and I are so close and I feel like this just decimated our relationship. I decide not to text her for the rest of the night, but she texted me 3 hours after the argument a dress option. I decided not to text her back. She text me 15 minutes after the dress text saying that this day is too chaotic for her and she is, and I quote, ""okay to sit this out"". I tell her that she has deeply hurt my feelings and that she is choosing not to come to my wedding because she is feeling overwhelmed. Then she starts mentioning money and how much this trip is costing her. Listen here people, the cost of this trip was NEVER an issue to her until this moment. She and my dad constantly talk about what vacations they are taking next. She has been offering to buy things for the wedding non-stop. I don't take her up on everything, but what I did take her up on was paying for my wedding dress. I tell her if she was concerned about money she should have approached me beforehand instead of yelling at me at her and my dads house about dress colors. I also offered to reimburse her for all the money she has given to us thus far and she didn't want it back. The money issue feels like a cop out.

I am devastated I won't have my mom at my wedding. I was imagining all the cute photos my mom and I would take getting ready and then after the ceremony too. I don't even know how to have a relationship with her after this. How do I even have a relationship with my dad too? He watched all this happen and didn't say a word. How do I even begin to process this? I'm sorry if this was choppy, I am just trying to get as much of the story in this post as I can. Also, I am in therapy but my appointment is tomorrow and I am feeling lots of feelings TODAY.

Am I the asshole here? I understand she may have been getting annoyed because I kept turning her down, but to willingly miss your only daughters wedding because you are overwhelmed about choosing a dress seems ridiculous to me.

  
Edit to add: Since people cannot read - there are only 6 people at this wedding. My stipulations for the dress is just a muted color and comfy shoes. I showed her lots of options of things she can wear and she even showed me a dress she already owns and I said that's totally fine to wear. Why did she not choose to move forward with that dress? I don't know. Also, she is the one saying that everyone should wear plum, not me. If all the women  want to wear plum, fine. For people asking if there are other rules at the wedding - no, there are none. I just wanted muted tones for the dress and she doesn't want to. For the people asking why I was texting my fiance - it's just because I wanted to. I like telling him everything?  When I was texting him, my mom and I weren't going rapid fire back and forth, we were still just talking through options every few minutes. ","Wow, I think you are right, this is not about the dress. I have no clue what it is about but NTA. 

How is your relationship with your dad normally? Could you talk to him when everyone has calmed down a bit?"
AITAH for unfollowing a college friend after she stopped making any effort and now seems to mock me in public?,"I’m (19f) a first-year college student. I met a girl randomly at the start of college because we spoke the same mother tongue, and we instantly vibed. We met twice in the first few days, and she kept saying things like we were the same and that she’d found her best friend.
After that, I was always the one initiating hangouts. She never asked me first. I waited a week to see if she’d text, but she didn’t. When I asked her to hang out again, she said she was busy with her roommate and replied very blandly when I suggested another time.
I felt the interest wasn’t mutual, so I stepped back. I later told her once that I felt she never asked me to hang out. She denied it, and when I clarified, she just sent an emoji. No real conversation after that.
About a month later, I unfollowed her on Instagram because we weren’t really friends anymore. Now when I see her in public, she makes faces at me and points me out to her friends, which makes me uncomfortable.
AITA for unfollowing her and quietly ending the friendship? Also how should I even behave when I see her in public and all her friends start looking at me.",NTA. You tried to keep the friendship going and there’s no point when it’s only one way
AITAH for telling my kids I don't care that my girlfriend only likes me for my money?,"My wife passed away when our kids were 9 and 11. I spent the next ten years as a single parent. I was only 39 when Lydia died. She was my world and I couldn't think of another woman. I went to grief counselling alone and with my kids. It definitely helped but it didn't make me want another woman. 

My youngest is now in her last year of university. She went away to school so I was alone after she left. I started going to social events and meeting women. It was fine. My friends tried setting me up. Nothing clicked. I met some beautiful, kind, intelligent, interesting women. None of them were Lydia. And that's what I wanted. 

After about a year I met Dianna. She was 28. 22 years younger than me. She works at a bookstore. She reads more than just the smutty fantasy books it seems like everyone is into these days. She doesn't have any tattoos, they just aren't my thing and please don't think I judge you if you have any. I won't go into everything she is except to say she is a single mom with a young son. 

We started dating after about six months of us meeting. I met her son three months after that. After she figured out I wasn't just trying to get laid. My kids met her when they came home for Thanksgiving. Both of them worked all through university so they didn't come home for the summer. 

My kids seemed to like her and saw that she made me happy. They were nice to her son and played video games with him. When he went to bed they stayed up talking to us. I thought everything went well. 

It's been a couple of years now and Dianna and I are living together. No plans to get married yet but I want it. My son is married now and like I said his sister is just about done university. My son and daughter talked to me over the holidays. They said that they think Dianna is only with me for my money.

I'm not rich. I have a paid off house and a decent pension. I have money in the bank for luxuries but I still work. Dianna still works. I used up the life insurance from my wife paying for my kid's education and also for subsidizing our lives for the years right after Lydia passed away. I worked less and was their more for my kids. 

I told my kids that I didn't care if she only wanted me for my money. I told them that I had sacrificed lots for them after their mom died and that I found someone who made me happy like their mom used to. I said if they had a problem with her then that they should talk to her. They seemed to take it as a rebuke and said that they thought she was just some fun I was having before meeting someone my age. 

I said I was done with the conversation and would not revisit it. I did talk to Dianna about it and she was a little hurt because she had never felt those feelings from them. She asked me how I felt about it and said she wasn't getting much out of the deal. I said our relationship wasn't me robbing the cradle it was her robbing the grave. She laughed at that and we went to bed. 

My kids both apologized to me about it in the weeks since and said I had the right to be happy but that it was weird being with someone who was only six years older than my son. I reiterated that the subject was closed but thanked them for their apologies. 

I think I may have ruffled their feathers by saying that I don't care if she is only with me for money. ","I don't really understand your reaction.

You provide convincing reasons to suggest she is NOT with you for your money. Why didn't you lay that out for your kids? Kind of feels like both throwing your girlfriend under the bus *and* damaging your kids' relationships with her by validating their concerns. For what?

Of course your girlfriend is hurt. She got accused of being a gold-digger by your own children and you didn't defend her at all. I'm baffled by why you wouldn't just tell your kids that there's no imbalance between you, you both still work and you make each other happy. That's why you're with her and you feel assured in the fact that that's why she's with you.

If I were her I'd start to wonder if that's what you really thought of me. YTA."
AITAH because my father (m72) in-laws girl friend (f74) broke up w/him,"I'm sorry this is going to be a long one. 

I (52f) cannot stand My father-in-law's ex-girlfriend. They started dating last year and she came over and met my husband and I because my father-in-law lives with us. So we had her over for dinner we met her she met I think my son and our grandson because they lived here at the time as well. Well I guess it started the last Thanksgiving when she was invited to come over for Thanksgiving dinner she asked what she could make and I told her nothing she said she could bring a pie and I said absolutely not because I make all the desserts and if I don't we didn't know her and I don't know if we would like her food so we said no she can bring plates. She said that was fine so she bought a 52 piece set off of Amazon it had your dinner plate your dessert plate napkins silver rubbers wrapped up in the napkins very pretty with cups and their reusable if you wash them by hand and I made the comment to my father-in-law and saying oh these are bougie not a bad thing at all and she took it as I didn't like them or we were better than her so she broke up with him and I was like wtf that makes no sense so then I called her and I told her it was a misunderstanding that bougie is a good thing we've never had like the hard plastic place settings we would you know I was assuming she would just get you know Thanksgiving themed paper plates but anyways move forward so they've been together for about a year and a half and she has broken up with him so many times we cannot count and a little bit of backstory about her is yes she is 74 she is a alcoholic horrific alcoholic she has a son who is 40 43 something like that no grandkids he's not married and it's just the two of them so she's never been in a house with you know grandkids or you know your own kids running around and that's what we are our house is always full of our grandkids and our kids as a matter of fact we have our youngest grandchild who is for he lives with my husband and I he is autistic nonverbal 4-year-old and his mom signed over her rights and my son can't take care of him so my husband and I have guardianship. But she can't deal with the house full of kids she doesn't like it and she gets annoyed so she doesn't stay long at all. Because my FIL uses the speaker phone every time they talk because he's def in one ear so everyone hears their conversations. Any who she keeps breaking up with him like at least once a month. Now she blames me for it this last time. I can't stand her at all. She also told him at the kitchen table that she would slap the shit out of my autistic grandson because he screams when he's happy and he started screaming while they were on the phone. She also broke up with him because he answered the phone when his brother called to talk with him. I can't stand her and she is very much a C yoU Next Tuesday. 

Please let me know if AITAH","Wow, she needs to get to fk completely,  why is your FIL putting up with that crap"
AITAH for calling my boyfriend stupid for sabotaging my own study life?,"Let me preface this by saying that I am still young, I'm an older teenager and I know it seems silly moaning about my relationship problems when others have it much worse but this has been really playing on my mind and I've been made to feel like an awful girlfriend. 

Me and my boyfriend both have important exams commencing in May, and I have been not only overwhelmed, but very busy with studying and note-taking too. We usually still tend to spend 3-4 days a week together despite this, whole days too may I add, and even at our school I'm with him every single second I possibly can be. Speaking of this, when it gets to the time where we have to leave our hangout spot to attend a class, he takes so long to get up, pack away his things and come too, even though I'm urging him, therefore he makes me constantly late. You may be thinking, 'why don't you just leave without him?' Whenever I do that, he guilt trips me about how he never abandons me, and I could do without that.

 Similarly, he has put me off going to after-school study sessions, as it takes away from our time together. We had an argument because I was to spend 20 minutes at an after-school French study session before going over to his house, and the backlash I got from it was so bad that I just didn't go and I went straight to his house instead. Because I like to be punctual and actually attend my classes, he constantly teases me for being 'boring', just because he doesn't want to go and would rather walk around instead. I'm tired of the constant eye-rolls and insults hurled my way. 

Today was the final straw; he asked me if we were seeing each other after school, and I said no because I need a day to myself. I've been so behind on studying that I just need one evening to myself to get my shit together. This upset him MASSIVELY. All day long, he has been saying things like 'we could play this cool game together...if you were actually coming to see me', and I know he might just see it as some light-hearted teasing, but I've been getting it all day, him acting so sad because I'm choosing to have time to myself. Whenever I try and explain to him why I'm having this day to myself, he rolls his eyes and scoffs at me, seeming to belittle me. He gives me this look that makes me feel like a total idiot. Bear in mind I saw him three days in a row last week. 

Because I was so frustrated, I lashed out and called him stupid, saying he wouldn't understand what it's like to actually care for your studies, and to not come crying when he fails his exams. He has trouble academically and isn't inclined that way, so I felt awful afterwards as I know he's sensitive about it and instantly showed me that he didn't appreciate the comment, but all of these aforementioned things he does combined just set me back massively with studies and I won't tolerate his disrespect and childishness anymore. Thank you for hearing me out haha..","Some people encourage their partners to be the best person they can be.  Other people drag others around them down to their level so that they feel more secure.  Having higher achievers around them remind them of their own inadequacies.  Surround yourself with the former and avoid the latter.

\>He has trouble academically and isn't inclined that way

He's the latter.

\>he has put me off going to after-school study sessions, he guilt trips me, This upset him MASSIVELY

NTA  The warning signs are there.  He will drag you down to his level if you let him.  Stand firm and stop skipping study sessions that you feel would help you succeed."
AITAH for sometimes wishing I was an only child sometimes?,"I (13f) have four siblings, (17M, 10M, 3f, 1f). I love all of them with all my heart, I really do, but sometimes I wish I was an only child. It’s not like I wish they never existed, I’d never wish that, but it just gets too much at times. I’m practically a second mother to my baby sisters, always helping my mom out while my dad is at work or hanging out with his friend (who lives with us).

Back in may of 2025, my family had gotten out of an abusive situation with my grandmother on my mom’s side. I’m not very open about my personal life to anyone outside of my immediate family, only opening up to my mom and very rarely my older brother. I still get very awkward and embarrassed when talking about my emotions, and it’s even harder to open up when my sisters are hanging off of my mom like little leeches. My younger brother is very nosy and extremely mean and judgy toward me. Anything I say will be held against me for the next 10 years if he hears, and so I refuse to say anything sensitive and personal around him, meaning I can never open up to anyone. It’s hard to move on and talk about my traumas, anxiety, ocd, etc. when my siblings are constantly around. Especially since they pull the attention off of me and make everything about them. I can’t have 5 minutes between me and my mom without them needing the spotlight, and it irks me very bad. Nobody knows I feel this way, I feel like everyone would say I’m a bad sister for wanting my siblings to just go away for something as little as needing to talk to my mom, but it’s how I feel and I can’t talk to her without them. So WIBTAH for sometimes wishing I was an only child? And what should I do if I’m feeling this way? I feel bad about it but I seriously don’t know what to do. ",Lots of people from big families wish they were a single child. NTAH
"AITAH for ditching my roommates, and leaving them with a bunch of dishes?","Hey, Reddit. This is the second time I'm writing this out as my dog unplugged my computer the first time I tried before I could click ""Save Draft"", so bare with me I'm a little frustrated, LOL.

I'll give you the TLDR up here, but please read the whole post before coming to a decision.  
My roommates were jerks, so I gave them a taste of their own medicine, and then dipped out. Maybe this belongs in Petty Revenge, I don't know.

Now for the whole story. It does require a little bit of set-up, so I'm sorry for that.  
This is a story dating back to June 2021. I, (25 going on 26 in 2021) was asked if I could move in with a few of my friends (Let's call them Steve, 27 year old m, Wendy, 27 year old f (both of whom are dating), and Peter, 28 going on 29 year old m). Four years ago, we were supposed to all room in together with another four friends. We'd have rented out a student house for the additional rooms to fit us all. But everyone dropped out, so, sadly, the plans were all cancelled, and eventually, it was Steve, Wendy, a former friend of mine we'll name Brian who is a year younger than me, and my girlfriend at the time, who I will name Jane, three years younger than me. Over time, people would come and go, and they would have exhausted through all of the friends they were meant to live with, as they couldn't handle Steve's rules.  
Finally, it was my turn. I was going to be 26 that August, and I needed to find my own independence. Plus, it's close to home, so if I needed help, my parents are around the corner, I'm living with people I've known for years, and it was a good way to make sure Jane was out of my life, given she was emotionally manipulative, and financially abusive (but that's a whole other story for a whole other sub-reddit.)  
Finally, my ex moved out to be with her mom, who lives a 5 hour drive away, and I moved a 10 minute walk around the corner, and everything was cool. I already knew my friends rules as I went over there and spent the night a lot, even after my now ex no longer lived there. But here's a basic rundown.

1. Don't leave the house a mess. If you make a mess, you're expected to clean it. Standard and fair rule. Our bedrooms were exempt from this rule as they were our own space, to do with as we see fit. I'm pretty sure the dead fly is still on my old window.
2. Don't leave anything in the living room, or it might get lost. Wendy has a habit of seeing the living room as a mess, and cleaning things. When she does this, she kind of goes into autopilot, and moves things around, and doesn't know what she's touching or where she's moving it. I'm pretty sure she's lost my wallet on more than one occasion.
3. You have a designated day to do the dishes. Do them on your day, or your dish day carries over into tomorrow. Dishes must be done after dinner so that you have a significant load, and tomorrow's dish cleaner isn't screwed over. Dish days can be traded with someone else, but they must be told a few days in advance, and it must be a mutual agreement.

It's rules 2 and 3 that were the cause of most of the fights in the house with their old roommates (as most of them didn't know how to be civil), but Rule 3 was the big one.  
As for Rule #2, it did lead to several fights, but none like Rule #3, but I'll go over that issue anyway. I tried to bring a lot of my stuff over, thinking I'd have room for it all. However, Peter and I are only allowed to leave our stuff in our rooms, because Steve and Wendy have the whole basement, as it acts as their bedroom. Plus everything in the kitchen. Plus everything in the living room. Plus everything in the stairway. Plus everything in the upstairs hallway. Plus everything in the spare room upstairs. Did I mention the yard (front and back) shed and garage houses all their stuff too? They have the whole house, save for three rooms, mine and Peter's, and the upstairs bathroom, which, as now now, Steve and Wendy are using because.....reasons, I guess. I would argue that I pay the rent, so it's my house too, but Wendy would snap back saying ""Fine! But don't blame me if your stuff goes missing!"" I fought back with ""I will blame you because you'd be the one to move and lose it."" She still fights me on stuff to this day that is her fault as not her fault to this day.  
I put something down. I know where it is. I leave it. I know where it is. She decides everything must be clean. She moves it. She doesn't know where it is. I return. I don't know where it is. It's found maybe a month or two later. One time she lost a whole comforter of mine. It wasn't even left in the living room, it was in my laundry.  
I'm still salty and a little pissed at that whole ordeal, as my room was fairly small and couldn't house all my stuff, leading to a cluttered mess, but that's not the biggest issue.

The issue that EVERYONE had an issue with, as with any group of people that live together, the dishes.  
Steve set all the rules for these. First, everyone had to do dishes for two days. With four people, that leads into six days, meaning one of us would have to take one day a week. So, of course, Steve is the one who only gets that one day. In fact, when I moved out, Peter told me that he and Wendy both have three days, and Steve still only had one. What a coincidence! It's not a revolving schedule either, it's stagnant. Wendy had Monday and Tuesday, Peter had Wednesday, and Thursday, I had Friday and Saturday, and Steve, the smug son of a gun, only got Sunday. Gee, how lucky of him.  
Dishes need to be done after dinner, as that's when most of the dishes would be made.  
If you missed a day, your you carried over into the next day, meaning whoever's day it was next would be exempt, unless you got them done in time.  
In other words, let's say Peter missed Thursday, and needed to do them on Friday. If he got them done before dinner on Friday, I still had to do Friday.  
And, whether you did them or not, you are responsible for putting all the dishes, pots, and pans away from the night before.  
Now whenever I would explain these rules to anyone, people looked at me like I had tow heads and was making this up. No. The dishes were Steve's domain, and Hell hath no fury like anyone who disrespected the rules. Okay, that's a little much, but he was serious about this, and wouldn't budge. I brought up the idea ""What if we just wash our own dishes?"" That makes sense to me. You dirty it, you clean it. He gave me two reasons on why he doesn't do that. He says ""It doesn't make sense"" and ""It uses up too much soap and water."" Steve's real issue is that all his former roommates (and current, Peter and his girlfriend) don't make a lot of dishes, but he and Wendy do. He doesn't think it fair that he and Wendy should do a lot of dishes while the other roommates don't have a lot of dishes. I'm a simple guy, I ate a lot of foods that didn't require many dishes. I don't make three course dinners. I make one thing. I have a plate, maybe a bowl, and a fork, and I'm done.

That's a bit of context, I know, but here's where the good stuff starts.  
This bit takes place the beginning of the next year, 2022.  
Before I moved in, the person before me was Wendy's older cousin, Mary. I don't know her age, but I know she's older. Probably late 30's at the time, but don't quote me on that. Mary has a mental disorder where she has the mindset of a very young child (I think around 6 to 9 if memory serves.) She would often visit us every now and then. But one night, she decided to stay the night. It's Friday night, and I'm about to start my dishes, but I'm stopped by Wendy who tells me if I'm gonna do the dishes to be quiet because it's past Mary's bed time. At this point, it was barely past 9 PM, and Mary was already laying down about to sleep in the pull-out couch/bed thing. I'm about to do the dishes! That's gonna be a bit loud, no matter what I do unless I move a snail's pace. I look at the sink, there's barely anything in it, so I figured ""No problem, I'll do it in the morning."" So I go upstairs, chill for a few hours, and pass out sometime around 2 or 3 AM (usual for me).

I wake up the next early afternoon, and head downstairs, ready to do that small load, and that's when to my horror, I see it - Mount Everest. Dishes upon dishes upon pots upon pans upon Tupperware, MY GOD, the Tupperware. It blocked the whole window. It was dangerously close to crashing onto the floor, and spilling out into the dishrack and onto the stove. The pile was taller than me (5'9"" for context), and I was terrified. At first I'm in shock. Then I let out a laugh, thinking this is a sick joke. Then I look at the Tupperware. All of it is filthy. Disgustingly so! A few thoughts ran through my mind. First thought was Steve was hoarding this in his basement. I didn't think anyone could be that bad, so I shelved that thought. My second thought was maybe Mary woke up through the night, and tried to made food? No, no one person could eat that much in a few hours. Final thought, maybe she wanted to make breakfast for everyone, but didn't know how? That's a maybe, but doesn't explain the Tupperware, so the only conclusion I can come to was it had been hoarded. This thought was further driven home when my roommates got home, with no Mary in sight. They all went to the coffee place down the street for breakfast, and Mary went home after. I ask them where this mountain of terror came from, and Steve barely reacted to it, and claimed he didn't know where it all came from. Neither did anyone else for that matter. I thought it must have been a prank, but it wasn't a funny one because I was legitimately stuck with this. I did what I could, but it was too much for one person to do. Fortunately, I made a significant dent, but couldn't finish it that night. There was just too much to do.  
I had an early and late shift to do that day, so I couldn't progress further on the Sunday, but I pleaded with everyone in the house to have some mercy. Go out to eat. Order food. Something. I even offered to pay for it. But they refused, and made EVEN! MORE! The mountain was bigger than the night before! And all Steve said ""You should have finished yesterday.""  
They saw what I had to work with. What I did took me three hours for what was probably just less than half.   
That night, I stood in the kitchen for six hours, no joke, nor exaggeration, six hours, on top of the three from the day before. It took me that long to clean EVERYTHING! I had to keep stopping to dry everything and put it away. And here's the thing. There was so much, it didn't fit anywhere.

I finally finish, and go up to my bed with a sore lower back, feeling emotionally dead.

Similar things happened a few more times where a massive pile that shouldn't be there waiting for me was there. So, I made a plan to show Steve what that was like. For a month, I hoarded my ""dirty"" dishes in my room. I say ""dirty"" with quotes because most of them were clean. Either way, on Saturday nights, I'd sneak downstairs when everyone had went to sleep, and left them in the sink for him that following sunrise. When he checked out the sink, he got pissed off, and yelled at everyone. I never managed to figure out how they made that initial mountain for me, but after Steve was hit with that a few weeks in a row, it never happened to ANYONE again.

Eventually, I got fed up with his rules. I couldn't treat the house as if it was mine, he kept making new rules and imposing them as the law, I couldn't even question him without being hit with a lecture, rather than be given a simple answer, so I eventually said that I was done, lying to them and saying it was financial struggles.   
They were pissed, but I needed to get out of there. Despite paying the rent, it wasn't my house, it was his and Wendy's. I was just staying there. 

Now it's 2026, I'm 31 this coming August, but that mountain of dishes still haunts me. I think it might be my sleep paralysis demon, lol. Every so often, I think about it, and it got me thinking if I maybe went too far in getting him back for it. I don't think I did, but I'm unsure. So I ask you, Reddit, am I the asshole?",r/novelwriting or r/mylifestory
AITAH for posting about an issue in the AITAH subreddit and getting my post removed?,"I, 79 F posted a speech 22 days ago, with the help of my tech savvy son. I found out my post got removed and it was called ""fake"" by a moderator. First I would like to say I am not an AI bot. Or even a fake. I'm a simple old woman who has a rap career and I was not advertising. I think the moderator should have contacted me to ask about whether my post was fake of not. I would have gladly supplied evidence prooving how it is very real and very true! Once again being silenced by the media! Nonathy Bajingo is my name, and if you can't handle bars this tame.. you'll be in for a shock. So get ready to rock!! 🤘

  
So... am I the asshole?",LOL thank you for this today.
AITAH for telling my stepdaughter I don't want to be her mom anymore?,"Hello guys! I decided to share my story here and hopefully gather some input on a situation that is causing me some real issues currently.

TLDR: My stepdaughter found some of my old spicy tapes from when I was a porn star. After finding them, she sent copies to my husband, my mother and my father-in-law. My husband already knew I was a porn star in my twenties, but his parents did not. They have since slandered my name to relatives and tried to convince my husband to end our marriage.

When my stepdaughter realized that my husband already knew about my past, she apologized and is now trying to reconcile. However, after the things she said to me and the damage she caused, I cannot bring myself to forgive her or go back to the way things were.

Would I be the asshole if I did not forgive her?

FULL STORY: This will be very long, so bear with me. (Btw. I am using fake names in this story).

I am a female in my late thirties (36), and I am married to Josh (40). He has a daughter, Ella (18), who still lives at home and is in her first year of university. I have been married to Josh since Ella was 12 years old. She was on good terms with her bio mother until her mother got married and ghosted her and her father when Ella was only 11. It broke her so much that Josh decided to give it more time before Ella and I would meet.

Once we got engaged, Josh finally introduced me to Ella, and surprisingly we clicked right away. We both loved anime and video games, and we would often play video games together and watch different animes together. When my husband and I finally got married, she was a junior bridesmaid, as I wanted her to be a part of the wedding. She was there for the whole process and was very excited for her father and me to be getting married.

When Ella turned 14, she finally started calling me mom, and we were closer than ever. Around 17, her mother came back into her life, and her father agreed to let her see her mother every month. She still called me mom, but became more distant than she had ever been. At 18, she started calling me by my name. I will not lie, it stung, but despite all that I still treated her like my daughter and called her my daughter to others.

The point of all this is to show you how close we were and how her behavior shifted. About two weeks ago, Ella asked me if she could borrow some of my body lotion from my room. I did not think twice about it because she has done that in the past, but this time I noticed she was taking a while to come out of my room. I called her name and she did not answer, so I checked on her. She looked panicked and just grabbed the lotion off my dresser and rushed out. I thought it was strange and assumed maybe she was stealing my lipsticks or something petty. I got a little annoyed but brushed it off.

A few days later, we were hosting a dinner for New Year’s Eve. My husband’s parents and my sister were invited over for the countdown. During the countdown, my mother in law received a text on her phone and got up from her seat. She whispered into her husband’s ear and showed him something on her phone. At first I was confused but not bothered, until my father in law called out to my husband and told him to look at his phone. He did, and his face went pale. He immediately started panicking and asked Ella to talk to him in a separate room.

Before that could happen, Ella loudly announced, “Did you know that your wife is a wh\*re?” My mother in law immediately showed me the video and started berating me in front of everyone. My sister tried to deescalate and defend me, but my stepdaughter kept instigating by telling her grandparents that I was probably cheating on her dad. This made my mother in law erupt. They tried to convince my husband that I was definitely cheating and that I was not a good fit for him. My husband already knew about the work I used to do and had my back, which only angered them more.

My husband’s parents left abruptly after a huge argument, during which my father in law called my husband a “cuck.” After they left, my sister left shortly after to give us time to sort things out. My husband dropped Ella off at his parents’ house for the night so he could talk to me and cool down.

Two days later, he brought Ella home and talked to her while I was out of the house. He explained that he knew everything about my past and had always been supportive of it. According to him, she realized she had made a huge mistake. She cried and apologized to him and told him that her bio mother told her about my past. At first she did not believe her, until she found the tapes.

My husband called me and asked if I wanted to talk to her, but what he did not tell me was that he was next to her and had me on speaker. I ended up saying that I did not feel like I wanted to be near her and that I did not want to be her mother anymore. She heard everything and started crying on the phone. She told me she was going to stay with her grandparents for a bit until things cooled down. I agreed, and that has been the arrangement up until recently.

My in-laws have already started telling people my business and slandering my name because of this, which makes me even more angry at her since she has had every opportunity to correct them but has not. I know she is only a teenager, but I cannot bring myself to go back to the way things were just because she apologized.

Please, a little help would be nice. Am I being harsh?

EDIT: I absolutely did not expect this many comments, so quickly. Thank you for all the nice replies and those who actually want to give their thought and genuine advice. I'm sorry if I can't reply to all the comments. I'm reading them all and trying to reply to certain comments in order to give clarifications, but I want to address some things here instead to clear up any confusion.

1. I was 20 when I created my first movie. Yes, DVD's existed back then (I'm confused on how some people think DVD porno's didn't exist in 2010).
2. Ella was able to find the porno online using the info on the DVD. No, I don't know the details on how she did it. Although realistically, it shouldn't be hard to find, as I myself have searched for my content and have found it easily. Her father told me that she had screen-recorded one of the videos.
3. I kept the DVD's because I was proud of my content at one point. And my husband had requested that I keep some of the ones he liked. I had never had the thought that my stepdaughter would snoop through my things, so no i did not burn it or hide it.
4. No, this is not a karma farm or whatever some are saying. If you don't want to believe the post, you can scroll. I don't even know what karma does.. but thats besides the point lol. I will not be posting links to my old movies. I am married and couldn't care less if you believe my post.
5. I do not HATE my stepdaughter. I just need time to process things. I am still a human being.
6. My stepdaughter's bio mom is friends with my ex boyfriend, and he was very involved at that point in my life. Thats how she knows about my past. My husband did NOT tell her. She found out from a third party.
7. Josh and I were dating when Ella's mother ghosted my husband and stopped visiting Ella. Yes, she was 11. We dated for about 2 years before we got engaged. We were engaged for 1 year. During that time, my friends and I got really into Naruto and were binging the show. We were close pre-wedding. We clicked instantly is a bit of an exaggeration, but she warmed up to me pretty quickly after she and I found out about our shared interest. 
8. I will try to update as soon as possible, but I probably will take some time to actually take the advice in the comments. And yes, therapy is an option.","NTA, you are not being harsh. An 18yo should know better and deserves the harsh consequences of sharing such personal information and videos in the manner that she did. She wanted to disrupt and cause embarrassment."
"Me (M 25) hooked up with a girl (F 25) that was was meant for my friend (M 28), AITAH?","Me (25 M) and my friends, Mike (28 M) and Hector (26 M)were headed to a concert in Austin Texas, and for a weekend of partying. The plan was that us three arrive on Friday for the concert and on Saturday the rest of our friends would meet us there. Along with these friends was Mike's girlfriend Jenna (28 F) and her friend Anna (25 F). On the drive over on Friday, Mike and Hector (mostly Hector) were telling about how they've been talking to Anna for the past couple of weeks. Hector was hoping to have a fun time with her and hopefully get ""lucky"" as he put it. So fast forward to Saturday evening, Jenna, Anna, Mike, and Hector decide to go grab a bite to eat before a night of clubbing. After they return we all start getting ready for the night and I overhear Mike and Hector talking in a bedroom on the far-side of the AirBnB. During dinner, Hector felt like Anna vibe completely changed and she was acting ""weird"" and ""dismissive"" around him. According to Hector, she had been kind of acting like this even before the trip. So her acting ""weird"" at dinner was confirmation for Hector to stop pursuing Anna. Me and Mike consoled him and gave him advice but Hector was set on just not interacting with her for the rest of the weekend. **It is important to add that it never crossed my mind to start talking to Anna or try to woo her at all.**

We all pre-gamed and got ready to head to the club. Anna was sitting next to me in the car and we immediately hit it off. We were talking the whole ride over about various things and lightly flirting here and there. We arrive at the club and we are all having a fun time. While we were dancing, I twirled Anna around and went in for a kiss. After that we were talking for a bit and she told me why she ended up not liking Hector. She pretty much got the ick when Hector would show up to her house unannounced and make himself at home. Since they were talking at the time, she just found it a little odd. Hector would also start to sleep in the same bed as her, again un invited. So Anna's solution was to semi-ghost Hector and act like she wasn't home when he would visit.

Hector did not seem like that type of guy and it was disappointing and disheartening having to hear it from the person that it affected. I apologized on his behalf and told her that I couldn't believe he would do something like that. Anna said it was fine and was glad that she probably was no longer going to talk to him anymore. She then asked if she could share my bed with me since she would have had to sleep on the couch and she didn't feel like sharing a room with Mike and Jenna after a night out. So I accepted and told her it was fine to sleep in the same bed as me. **Even at this point, I still did not even have the intention of doing anything beyond just sleeping in the same bed as Anna.** We ended up having sex and now Hector doesn't even want to talk to me. AITAH?","Depending on her scheduled hook ups, Anna could have fit Hector in later. NTA."
AITAH for not speaking to a friend who leaked my NSFW profile to my sis?,"This is my secondary account FYI.

In the summer of 2025 I started posted pics of myself in several NSFW reddit subs. At first they were SFW pics and I loved the attention. Eventually I started posting more and more risqué photos and my following blew up. I got a ton of requests to start an OF so did just that. My friend I’ve known for over 20 years knew about my Reddit and saw my posts. She promised she didn’t care or would tell anyone but she just wanted me to be careful.

Well eventually she ended up telling my sister I had an OF. She said she was just worried about me which I understood. I actually wasn’t even mad. But then I had saw texts between her and my sister and she showed my sister my Reddit and all my posts. To me that crossed a line since now my sister had access to all my posts and that’s not something I want her to see. I get it’s the internet but still, she would have most likely never known had it not been for my friend telling her.

Once I found that out, I immediately felt betrayed and stopped talking to my friend. It’s been over 4 months and she’s reached out a couple times to make amends but I don’t respond.

AITAH or am I right to not ruin a long friendship over this?",Surely you knew this would happen one day?
"AITAH Am I the idiot for asking for time after he ""broke up with me"" via text?","M 17 | F 19
We met two years ago and started dating five months later. After that, he brought me here because of his strange behavior... We weren't having a good time as a couple. I felt somewhat excluded from his plans, even a burden, because, well... He was doing his military service while I was studying in the middle of last year, and that's when those nasty comments started coming in, saying that men who go into the barracks change completely and that our relationship wouldn't be the exception. I mentally prepared myself to see him on weekends.


At that time, he was going to school and then to the barracks afterward. Our communication decreased significantly, especially after he graduated last year. The problems arose from a lack of communication, but honestly, I didn't consider them very problematic. It's just that when he went out on weekends, he completely ignored me. He told me things as if I were the last person he'd ever tell, he didn't answer messages, and I felt really bad about it. Our dates were normal; we talked about our weeks or other normal things.



To get to the point, there was a time when one of his superiors, who they call ""Old Man"" at the barracks, ended up taking his phone and pretending to be him. He was nice to me, but then he asked me for nudes, which I refused. I joked that I wouldn't go that far with noobs, but I was really scared because honestly, I don't like my body, I don't have enough self-esteem, and I felt uncomfortable.
Then he deleted the messages, and my boyfriend told me it wasn't him, it was his old man who did it... I had calmed down and asked him to at least put a password on his messages with me.


(Spoiler: he didn't) Then a week ago, I went to work, came home very tired, and my phone battery was dead. I charged it to check the notifications, and there was a message from my boyfriend saying something like: ""We can't continue because I met someone better, we're over.""
I was very tired, but I felt a wave of sadness because just the day before, he was acting normal. I said I was fine and blocked him. I was so tired I fell asleep, and then in the middle of the night I woke up to calls from him. I answered sleepily, and he told me that one of his exes had done it again. I scolded him, told him he couldn't keep making the same mistake, and that I would unblock him when I felt ready to talk because I felt blank. What he said about breaking up felt real because, well... I only wanted to block him because I was afraid that one of his exes would pull another ""prank""... He even had the same handwriting.


The next day I tried to distance myself, and that's when he started messaging me on his pinned messages saying:
""Why did you block me? Are you tired of being with me?"" (I literally told him a week before it happened that I felt bad because he wasn't paying attention to me or was leaving me until the last minute, like I was leftovers, like I wasn't one of his priorities.)
So I sent him a screenshot of the conversation where he broke up with me via text message, and I told him I'd already given him my reasons.
Then, hours later, he sent me a message saying: ""I tried my best and I'm sorry for the mistakes and the misunderstanding. I appreciate what we shared and I wish you peace.""

Then I angrily asked him if, since he was breaking up with me via text, it would be better if he talked to me in person about what he was asking for.



From there, I received absolute silence. He blocked me via text message... But here I feel confused... He blocked me through that medium, but he didn't delete the relationship on other social media platforms. He didn't block me there, he didn't delete the relationship on Facebook, but now he's not talking to me...

So I ask you, am I the idiot for asking him for time?",Wait .. he is 17 and was doing military time at 16?
AITAH for wanting to leave my mother behind for my partner?,"I need to know if I’m truly being disrespectful and horrible or if my mother is just abusive and manipulative because I don’t know anymore and it’s actually starting to drive me crazy. 

For some context im 26m with autism, generalised anxiety disorder, panic disorder and depression. This means that over the course of my life ive had to rely on her for a lot of help, she never used it against me and I always showed her respect and that I was grateful (at least I think I did?) anyway, this meant that me and my mum have always been close. 

Last year things changed, I met my current girlfriend 27f. She understood all my issues, never judged or questioned them but After meeting her and dating her, it’s like a flip had been switched. I started getting over my anxiety to the point I don’t even need my medication anymore, I started to realise that i didn’t need as much help with things, I was able to take myself on walks and I even took a massive step and was able to take public transport for 3 hours to see her. Whenever I’m in her presence or staying in her house I feel so much calmer and at ease. Due to my issues I was never able to finish school but This year I’ve started taking exams and tests I need to actually live, steps to better my future and my life. My girlfriend has continued to help me when I need it and has never once made me feel like less of a person. Shes amazing and I feel like I could go on forever but that’s not the point of this. 

Since meeting my girlfriend my mother has had massive issues. The first time my mother saw my girlfriend she immediately had an issue with my partners skin colour. My mother even cried and asked how I could do such a thing, she told me I had betrayed her but she eventually accepted it. But the main cause of the issue is that I’ve been visiting my girlfriend every weekend. My mother has been telling me that I’m showing her no respect, that I have to make a decision because there’s no point in me staying at home anymore. The first time we had this argument she threatened to kick me out, threatened to hit me but that night she came into my room crying and apologising, she made me agree to compromise that I wouldnt go every weekend but I’m sick of that. I don’t understand why I cant see my partner whenever I want? Why I should be threatened over it? So I stayed with my partner over Christmas and I’ve been visiting every weekend since Christmas and the argument happened again. My mother telling me that I show her no respect, that im ruining the relationship we have. Even now she’s messaging me “we used to be so close and it’s all going out the window. The most hurtful part is that you don’t care” 

Me and my partner have discussed me moving in with her this year but I need to finish my tests and exams first but I’m reaching a point of wanting to just up and leave and be with my partner. 

I don’t understand what’s happening? Why can’t I see my partner whenever? Why now that I’m finally getting better is she so unhappy? I don’t see how my mother could be abusive when she’s supported me my entire life and helped me so much but I don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong? I’m honestly really upset, I’m overwhelmed because I don’t know if it’s me or not? ","Sounds a little like Munchausen by Proxy.

Your mom gets something out of your dependence on her.

But, I think it might be better for you to find roommates to live instead of a GF."
AITAH for not feeling guilty about my past while my boyfriend and I weren’t together?,"I (18F) was talking to a guy (19M)on and off for almost a year. Despite him kissing someone else and telling me he can’t date because he has commitment issues, I was willing to wait on him because he said he’d “wife me up.”

In October, I found out he was doing sexual stuff with his friend’s sister while liking that friend. He didn’t have sex with anyone, but they did other things. After that, I wondered where he got the audacity to act like he could dictate my choices. I texted him a few days later just to check in, he didn’t respond, and I deleted his number. I left him alone completely.

Now, a few months later, he came back saying he messed up and wants to commit because he admitted he couldn’t give anyone a reason why we never dated when his friends asked about me. We’re officially together, but he got upset when I said the last time I had sex was after we stopped talking. He’s telling our mutual friend I “did something with someone else,” even though he did stuff too while we weren’t dating. He’s also a virgin, which I think partly explains why he’s reacting strongly, but I still feel like I did nothing wrong.

I feel like I don’t owe him guilt over my choices while single especially since HE didn’t want to commit.AITA?

Edit / clarification: I’m also confused about how to even address this because he hasn’t said anything directly to me. I only know he’s upset because our mutual friend brought it up. He hasn’t communicated his feelings to me at all.","NTA. Girl, just run. I didn't even need to finish reading your post."
WIBTAH if I stopped listening to my boyfriend's music because he indirectly called me a stalker,"Yeah so my boyfriend is a musician and I've always considered myself a big fan of his music and I do my best to be supportive. 

Yesterday he told me that him and his friends were joking around and calling me ""Misery"" (like the psychopathic stalker in the movie 'Misery' played by Kathy Bates) because I said I was my boyfriend's biggest fan.

Obviously this upset me and I told him that if he felt that way then I would no longer be a fan if it was so cringy and clingy and psychopathic? 

I unfollowed his sad Spotify page and sent him a screenshot. 

WIBTAH if I legit stopped being a fan over this? It's really hurting my feelings and honestly makes me not want to listen anymore. ",NTA-and you should just stop seeing this guy. He sounds like an asshole.
"AITAH for setting firmer boundaries with my roommate after, not only being told by my landlord they were breaking rules, but also after months of them being incredibly rude and inconsiderate to me?","Hi, I own a mobile home parked in a closed community park. The rules are a little tight here, but the park is very nice and my landlord is very reasonable. One of the rules states that there can be ""No Unautherized Overnight Guests,"" which I have come to understand means ""people who aren't on the lease shouldn't be here most days of the week"" after several conversations with my landlord about the topic, with her citing accountability and liability issues she's experienced with previous tenants. 

To preface some, my roommate is recently divorced and came to me for help when she was in the process of leaving her husband. I agreed that she could stay in my spare room (for an INCREDIBLY reasonable rent price, and I even wound up lowering the rent after my partner moved in-we'll touch on that in a moment) fot as long as it took to get on her feet. 

At first, things were pretty alright. She always paid her rent on time, was very communicative about any issues she had, and it was just nice to have another detail-oriented female energy close by. The only thing thay bothered me at this time, was that she would consistently come home very upset after sneaking off to her soon-to-be ex's house; and to be clear, it was none of my business, nor did I care much where she spent her time aside from it making her so upset, and lying to me for literally no reason. She said she didn't want to feel ""judged,"" which I understood, but I don't like feeling like I am being lied to either, especially over something so arbitrary. 
She did move out for a brief period to try and reconcile her marriage, but less than 3 weeks later was moved back in. Soon after they finalized the divorce, which I thought would be great. 

Things continued to go well for a few weeks. She made plans to go back to school (which she has stuck with so far and I am proud of her.) She started spending time with a guy from work, which quickly evolved into a relationship. I was happy that she was moving on, or at very least, trying to move on. But things started to get very strange at this point. 

She began sneaking the new guy in to the house, and when I called her out for it, citing the lease rules and general consideration, she got defensive but several days later ultimately agreed to at least let me know when she was having company (I saw this as incredibly disrespectful of the household but pushed it off to maintain the peace.) 
From this point on, things got worse. 

While she tells me when he is coming over now, he spends most nights at my house because she ""doesn't like his house anymore"" (I could spend quite some time trying to unpack this, but this is already a lot and there is still more.)

My landlord (to be clear, I have my landlord, and I am considered my roommates landlord) approached me and told me 1) we have to stop leaving ruts in the yard (a situation caused by her having her boyfriend over 5-7nights a week) and that her boyfriend can't stay here 5-7 nights a week without being on the lease. I came to a compromise that the boyfriend could be here on the weekends as long as we do something about the rut, the grass, and the parking situation. She verbally agreed. I woke up the next morning and she had snuck him in, saying ""I didn't want to risk waking you up"" when I asked why she didn't even leave a text message, after everything I had gone through with my landlord to arrange this for her in the first place. 

My partner lived separately for the first chunk of our relationship. Recently he was in a house-fire that put him out of his apartment. After a few days of him camping out with me, realizing he wouldn't be getting his unit back, battling with Red Cross, etc. We decided it would be easier and better for him to just move in with me. His moving in was mentioned in passing for a few months, but the fire is what drove it home. Over the week that we were preparing to move him in, I told her the situation many times. His first real night moved in, she started mentioning rentals in the area that might fit his budget, instead of being welcoming to a man who had just lost almost everything in a fire. She then proceeded to ask me for a lower rate on her rent since there was a new room mate, absolutely no care in the world that we were navigating something devastating.

Not too long before this, my boyfriend and I made plans to go to an event in his home town. I made arrangements with my roommate to feed my cat, with the roommate and checked every other day just about, and every single time she confirmed that she would be there, until the day before. She did tell me she made plans to leave town about 24 hours before we left for our plans. She did help me set up an auto feeder, which was nice. But it didn't matter because my cat never got to use it. My boyfriend and I left before they did, and she wound up closing my cat in her room for 36 hours with no food, water, or place to use the bathroom. Instead of an apology she told me my cat shit on her bed, and that's all I heard about it. 

We had an agreed-upon rule that she wouldn't use the dryer when I am asleep, because the dryer in right on my bedroom wall and keeps me awake. Over the past few months, she has begun to disregard that rule (especially on weekend mornings when I, like most people, prefer to sleep in.) The most recent incident being this past weekend, where my partner and I were both sharing a mutual off day, trying to sleep in. I got up for some water and my roommate was making breakfast, and she stated she would be starting the dryer soon, and that ""I would be the only one it would bother,"" so she essentially stated she didnt care if I got back to sleep or not, in spite of the rule. 

And finally. The thing that has truly been eating at me the last couple of weeks;
I got sick with a pretty serious upper respiratory on new years eve. As soon as I felt a tickle in my throat, I let her know. She decided she and her boyfriend would be spending the entirety of the holidays in my house (2 weeks, no breaks, no conversation at all. I let it go because I'm not a scrooge but I shouldn't have, I know.) A few days later, she also got sick. She then proceeded to send me a text wall about how I shouldn't spend time in the living room when I am sick, because ""she stayed in her room when she got COVID and that's why I didn't get sick."" At this point, I lost my sh!t, telling her that was totally inappropriate and uncalled for, that I gave her a warning and I won't be quarantining in my bedroom, because this is my home, and I deserve to be comfortable while I am sick in my own home. She never responded to that text, but I also never got an apology for this egregious overstepping of boundaries. 

So reddit. I just want to know. Am I being the asshole here? Am I overreacting to the dishonesty? Am I supposed to hole up in my bedroom only when I'm sick? Am I supposed to lose sleep because of the dryer situation? I truly have no idea, otherwise I wouldn't be asking. 

Update: Roommate has been MIA for two days, but I have a lease with a hard cease date for her last semester of school. It's a technical field so she should be placed upon graduation. In addition, the boyfriend is no longer welcome unless it's on a Saturday, both evening and overnight depends on whether I give the say so beforehand. And she can't use the fucking dryer when I'm sleeping, she either waits or takes it to a laundromat idc. I've learned that it's good to document stuff, that I need to be more assertive, and that its totally within my rights to make a bitch uncomfortable to protect the peace in my own house. So thank y'all lol","Time to say goodbye, your room mate doesn’t respect the rules or you. 
Why is she still living with you?"
AITAH for not wanting my boyfriend to keep our relationship a secret anymore?,"Throwaway and a little vague for anonymity. Sorry if anything is confusing.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, are both in our mid twenties, and are planning to move in together in a few months once the lease on my apartment is up. He is a loving and kind person, and has treated me like a princess for our entire relationship. In private, anyway.

The thing is, he has a public-facing job—one which he has been doing since before I met him through mutual friends four months before we started dating. I can't go into specifics but he makes content online where he interacts with his audience regularly and openly talks about his life. The only thing he is notoriously private about is his love life and family. I have always respected this, but I did ask him early into our relationship if he would ever let his audience know he was dating someone, and he said he would ""if he thought he'd be with that person forever"".

We are very close, and like I said, are even planning to move in together later this year. Especially in the last few months, I have found myself growing more restless with the fact that he hasn't told his audience he's in a relationship. People leave comments all the time asking about his relationship status or they DM him in hopes that they'll have a shot with him, and he has respectfully ignored those people, which used to be enough for me.

In public, he usually wears hoodies and hats with sunglasses to avoid getting recognized, and even then he won't kiss me or hold my hand. It's not like he just doesn't like to be affectionate, since he does these things in private and around our families. It's simply because he's worried people will see him out in public. As someone who really likes physical touch, this has always been something I've tried to ignore since I do understand.

That being said, I feel like we are at a point in our relationship where it's looking like we are going to be together for a long time (we have had the kids talk, the marriage talk, etc.) and our relationship overall is good. So, I asked him last night when I was at his place when he would finally let people online know he's in a relationship. He said very plainly that he didn't plan on doing that. When I asked him what he meant and referenced what he first told me when we got together, he said he felt like ""it might ruin his public image"" or ""break the illusion for people"" if they knew.

I didn't know what to say. I was upset so I just kind of said okay, and left his house a little while later. He could tell I was upset and tried to call me a while after I left, but I was already on the phone with my friend crying about what he said because my feelings were hurt, and I didn't want to talk to him right then. It's been a day since then, and he's been texting me asking to talk about it and apologizing, and I just messaged him back once saying I'd call him tomorrow. What he said back at his house hurt my feelings, but I can't help but feel like I'm also overstepping in a way. My friend said I need to consider the kind of position he is in with being online and relying on being likable to keep consistent viewership. He really loves his job, he makes good money, and has been doing it since before I met him, so I would never want to get in the way of those things. I do understand, I just also don't want to be kept a secret for the rest of our lives.

So, AITAH for not wanting my boyfriend to to keep our relationship secret anymore?",YTA for thinking there's any real relationship to be had here. It seems this guy's image will always be more important to him than you.
Do I turn every relationship toxic? AITAH,"Every single close relationship (platonic/romantic/anything really) I’ve had since as long as I remember was ruined. When I told people why I no longer associate with those people they would say it obviously wasn’t my fault but I felt like something was wrong like maybe I’m just overreacting or they’re lying to me or I’m manipulating the situation. I just feel like maybe I’m too picky like I expect people to be perfect and when they don’t match my perfect image of them I push them to their limits or find things I hate about them. However to be honest I don’t think I would want a relationship where I don’t see the other person as perfect in my eyes. They don’t actually have to be perfect but they have to meet a specific criteria. Does anyone know how I could fix this habit or maybe let me know what they think about this situation like if I am actually ruining these relationships or if you have noticed you have done this? Maybe I’m just really unlucky with picking people lol.
Anyways thanks for reading.","That's a long term therapy problem, not an AITA problem.


But generally if its everyone you interact with the problem is indeed you."
AITAH for saying no,"I have a neighbor who flys a confederate flag. My husband who is half white is an undercover brutha and seems to get along real well with the neighbor. I’ve tried to say hello to him a couple times but he just grunts at me and won’t look at me. Anyways, his house is filled to the brim with hoarding and has caused our fence to collapse. He’s offered to fix the fence at full cost and will be having some wood delivered to our yard. My husband will be at work and has asked me to engage with our neighbor in moving our cars out the way so he can deliver the wood to our yard. I told my husband how uncomfortable I feel engaging with our neighbor. He’s not very friendly to me. I’ve been really trying to work on listening to my feelings and not being a people pleaser. In this situation I was able to identify my discomfort before committing and then respectfully declining. He kept pushing and I finally stood firm and said no I cannot do that. Please figure it out with the neighbor just as you figured out the fence. It felt good to stand up for myself.  But AITAH for saying no? ","OP, I think I get it. I don't know why people are diminishing the neighbor's hostility. My DIL is a POC. Their neighbor was an old bigot. When my DIL was working in the yard, he'd stand at the fence and glare at her. If she said hello, he'd grunt or stay silent. He wouldn't look her or her mother in the eye. My DIL isn't a shrinking violet, but his behavior made her deeply uncomfortable. In your situation, my son wouldn't have expected her to try to coordinate with someone who was so hostile and uncooperative. 

What makes your husband think the neighbor would listen to you anyway? If he's refused to interact with you before this, he may well be difficult and even hostile about the lumber and supplies.

NTA."
AITAH married brother that already had martial problems has feelings for someone that I want to take on a date,"My brother and his wife having been having problems for a long time, this is nothing new. He met this girl in NA that he feels his life and goals align with more and he has feelings for. His wife knows and it’s a discussion they are having and trying to work out. 
Me and this girl met a few days ago and we really clicked( probably because me and my brother are pretty much best friends and very similar). We both have ALOT of common interests and by the end of the night we had a date set up. Now I feel guilt in my stomach about possible taking a potentially perfect partner for my brother. Do I be honest and talk to him or do I just hope he makes things better with his wife for their kids sake(they are trying and it seems like they genuinely love each other). I just can’t help to feel like I shouldn’t have done this and now I don’t want to hurt this girls feelings. ",If she’s messing with your brother and she knows he’s married. What makes you think she won’t do that to you?
AITAH for wanting to tell my Sick Roommate to fuck off,"My (F27) roommate (M40) has been sick for almost a week. Its the super flu going round, hes coughing, congested, sneezing, ejecting germs absolutely everywhere. Im calling him Roommate A, hes lived here 8years.

We have 2 other roommates. One is out of town (just moved in), the other (Roommate B, M45) has been keeping to himself in his room only cooking meals in the kitchen. This is his usual, he has also lived here 8 years. I have been here since October (3 months).

Roommate A is a fucking strange guy. 
He constantly rearranges the shared space to his own liking without asking anyone else. (Eg, we have a storage room in the house. He will take all my things in there and rearrange them into different shelves from where i left them, without asking. I once caught him in the middle of moving one of my bags to the garage outside. I had to state 4 times that i don't want my bag moved down there, or anywhere other than where i left it. He was trying to explain the garage was still a covered space the first 3 times, before finally putting my stuff back.) 

He does this with the kitchen too. 
He uses a very gross, old sponge to wipe all the counters down with water after every time anyone uses the kitchen. He HAS to rearrange the dishwasher every night and set it on himself EXACTLY before he goes to bed (it goes off in front of my room at 3am, waking me up, which i had to point out for him to turn the sound alert off it). He also usually unloads the dishwasher and puts everything back where he sees fit, based on his system (my tupperware always mixed with Roommate B's, in a cabinet i cant see or reach, all lids mixed into a separate drawer). 

He also is the one to take out the garbage, has it set up in his own system, micromanages recycling (has told off guests for not rinsing containers properly), and gets upset if its done differently. Simultaneously complains no one else will do it.. despite us doing it whenever we see it full. This doesn't happen often, because he's just constantly in the shared space. He blasts his sports, shit movies, survivor Australia and even scrolls through reddit on the common TV ALL DAY. 

He is the only one that 'works' from home, so naturally, he gets to things first. 

Since i only hope to be at this rental for a few months, Ive picked my battles. I have sternly but respectfully asserted my boundaries around my things in shared spaces or him cleaning up after me constantly. Said it made me uncomfortable, I would like to organise and clean my own things, if im leaving a mess or things in his way he can lmk and i'll happily adjust or move my stuff myself. After initial ""explaining""/pushback he's been respectful of honouring my requests.

The problem: 
He has continued his dictatorship over the shared space, while plagued. 

I work 3 jobs, am in grad school full time and have a mildly compromised immune system from years of treatment. I cannot afford to get sick. 

BUT THIS MAN IS SHAMELESSLY COUGHING ON EVERYTHING. i saw him coughing into the dishwasher while unloading it yesterday. I instinctively pointed it out  
Me: ""Are you really unloading the clean dishes while coughing all over them?""
A ""well what else am i supposed to do?""
Me: ""maybe leave them so someone else, who isnt sick, can put them away.""
A: Gave me a look i can only describe as deer in headlights. Continues unloading and coughing for the past few days.

He has also been putting his Sinus rinser IN THE DISHWASHER WITH EVERYTHING ELSE and drying it IN THE KITCHEN DRYING RACK!! 

Ive been going to cafes and libraries even on my evenings off to avoid being home and around him. I took solace in the fact that he shares a bathroom with B and I have my own atm. But he went into my bathroom yesterday and took the floormats to wash (I clean my own bathroom and am a very tidy and organised person), i told him i assume that space is mine and do not want him to access it in any capacity. He said he was washing them with his towels on high heat, and went about it like its just what he does... absurd for living with 3 other people for the past 8 years. 

As i type this post out I can hear him coughing and hacking in the living room. With each cough my fury bubbles and i get closer to snapping at this irresponsible, entitled man child. This whole situation has added urgency to my search for a studio unit (stagnated by my tight budget). 

How do i navigate this? Do i tell him to stay in his room while hes sick? Do i tell him it's disgusting to put his sinus rinser all over the kitchen, especially where clean dishes go? Do i address the fact that he lives in a shared space but operates as if he owns the damn place??

","Keep your things in your room, pack up extraneous things. (You already said you are leaving soon.) Buy paper plates, your own cup, utensils. Keep to yourself. These people have been there a looooong time. You haven’t. Nothing is changing. Protect yourself, then move."
AITAH for telling for telling my best friend (M17) to break up with his gf (F17)?,"I have been friends with Zane for years, he's my best friend and I'll always love him. A couple of months ago, he got into a relationship with May. Their relationship had started out very well, they were inseparable (always hung out, in school and out, face timed every night, etc). Their first big argument had started because Zane wanted to have a hang out with our close friend group (a friend of ours had been going through some things). There had been some miscommunication and she had gotten upset that he wanted to hang out with us without her and accused us of ""not trusting her."" That was only the beginning of the arguments. Recently, Zane has been talking about how they have been fighting a lot. It's almost every time where he face times and and is clearly, visibly upset. I will usually automatically assume that something happened with May, and I am 99% always correct. There have been many instances where May is in the wrong and honestly, I'm starting to get tired of hearing about it. Zane has even been distancing from her more. He hasn't been wanting to face time with her every night (and he hasn't in a while) and will occasionally spend time with her outside of school. Even in school, he won't walk her to classes anymore. I understand where he is coming from though. But still, I have noticed that he doesn't exactly find tremendous joy in their relationship anymore. I know he loves her, but the constant bickering (always over text) that I keep hearing about is driving me a little insane. But, the last time he had gotten upset over something to do with May, I told him how I thought he should break up with her. He claimed he didn't want to, which is fair, it's his relationship, not mine. But close friends of ours have said that I shouldn't have told him to break up with her. So, am I the asshole?",NTA instead of saying break up with her maybe should have said seems like there are some issues with trust and other issues with you two. Maybe look closely at the whole relationship and see if things have changed in ways you don’t like. Go from there. It is saying the same thing but putting it on him instead. Apologize to your friend for that and just tell him it is his choice. Just know if he stays with her there are more of his complaints coming and if he does he will be very insecure if he made the right choice. Be a good friend and let him vent. It is one of the best ways for him to figure out his feelings in general.
AITAH for telling my partner that he does not need to run everything by me?,"I (33F) and my boyfriend (34M) recently moved in together and I’ve noticed he feels the need to either request permission for or just voice everything he does. Normally that’s not a big deal right? I just feel as though he doesn’t need my permission to put salt and pepper in the dish he makes for dinner. At first I felt bad like someone in his life hasn’t let him make his own decisions or something like that, and now I get annoyed at the minuscule things he is asking about. I briefly got snappy yesterday and said “hey you don’t need permission to do these things, you can do it however you want, I trust you can handle it.” AITAH for saying this? How can we make it stop? Should I accept it as a quirk and move on or?","You wouldn’t be TA for telling him, but snapping at him does.  You should have said something sooner.  Imagine cooking for your partner and saying “hey, what do you think about me adding pepper to the sauce?” And then he just snaps at you for asking him.  Then you’re all like, “😳 WTF just happened?!?”"
Aitah for yelling at my wife for planning a trip for us UPDATE,"Hey everyone, so I wanted to give an update on the situation with my wife and the anniversary trip she planned without me unfortunately it’s not a great update. Recap my wife planned our anniversary trip as a surprise and I did not appreciate it for a couple reasons, so we had a fight here is a link to my first post [Aitah for yelling at my wife for planning a trip for us : r/AITAH](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1q9cosn/aitah_for_yelling_at_my_wife_for_planning_a_trip/)

 

To start, I came home much calmer than I was the night before so we could just talk. We both talked and admitted we both messed up her for planning it and me for overacting. Frist thing I asked about maybe canceling it and if we did, we would lose a lot of money because the trip is only 3.5 weeks out.

 

Now here is the real problem Rose’s friend Beth who helped her plan the trip is coming with us on the trip on OUR ANNIVERASRY TIRP HER BEST FRIEND IS COMING IM SO PISSED RIGHT NOW ITS DRIVNG ME NUTS.

 

She did try to explain that Beth has her own hotel room and won’t do all the activities with us, but we would bump pass here and there on the trip. She said Beth just wanted a getaway and since she was already helping rose plan the trip, she just added her own stuff as well.

 

I was so mad I wanted to yell but I did better this time I stood up and told her I needed some space I took my laptop into our guest room and shut and locked the door to just decompress so I don’t say something hurtful again.

 

I told her I’m sleeping in the guest room tonight she looked hurt but nodded before apologizing and going to be. I feel sick to be honest it feels like they used to be anniversaries as a way of planning a friend’s trip or something. I’m really trying not to blow this up, but I’m so upset I can’t sleep in the same bed as her tonight

 

If I had to guess this was Beth idea but I’m upset with my wife for going along with it and messing up are anniversary. I’m going to bed and hopefully tomorrow won’t be so bad, and we can talk and figure something out.  

UPDATE is posted.",Tell your wife that the trip is being cancelled and that you are not contributing anything towards the costs Beth has incurred. Beth and your wife can sort out the loss and if it means her friendship with Beth is over then that is the cost of allowing someone to interfere in your marriage. NTA
WIBTAH if I requested my gf get her ex’s name tattoo removed?,"***on a throwaway account***

WIBTAH if I requested my gf get her ex’s name tattoo removed? To start…we started as casual, just sleeping together, never really thought about commitment. Over time things just progressed, and we had feelings for each other. I did not notice the tattoo until later on, when the relationship was already defined and in the developing stages beyond casual.

I never brought up the tattoo to her, because it never really felt like my place. The tattoo IS covered up, but it’s pretty poorly covered up and I can still very clearly see the name, and make out what the name says.

My girlfriend genuinely cares for this relationship, and I know she cares for me. She has been one of the most supportive, understanding, and healthiest partners I’ve ever had. I can see a future with her and I want that future with her.

…but I can’t get past seeing that name - even through the cover up. It’s rough seeing it and it stirs up emotions in me. So WIBTAH? And … if anyone wants to drop any bonus advice … how can I best talk to her about this without shaming her?","So, who would be paying for this?"
AITAH Husband trying to force interaction with someone I’m very low contact with.,"My (40f) husband (41m) is trying to force me to socialise with a family member I have gone v low contact with.

This family member has accused me of awful things this year after the passing of a family member. All interactions with this person I now have to have in writing via a group chat to protect myself, and at one point had to seek external legal advice to make sure that I was protected if their accusations went further. Their behaviour has had a HUGE negative impact on my mental health, to the point I have had to go on medication for anxiety and am seeing a therapist.

This family member has contacted my husband wanting to organise a family get together. I told my husband he was free to go if he wished, but I don’t want to attend. He got angry at me saying “so you are going to just punish your nieces and nephews and just not see them again?!!”

We have seen them in the past but I didn’t stay long and it was just awkward and uncomfortable. I really don’t want to be around them, and despite being on medication, I’m on the verge of a panic attack and/or tears when they contact me even via text message.

He has threatened to call them in the past, after he saw some of the horrible things they were texting me and some of their wilder accusations, and threatened to “give them a gob full” and “tell her to pull her head in”. He was so angry and I had to talk him down as it was only going to inflame the situation even further. Even after seeing how this person has treated me he wants me to just get over it for the sake of ‘family’. Am I the asshole to hold my boundaries, even if I miss time with nieces and nephews? How do I explain this to my husband so he can understand where I am coming from? In his mind the situation is now over, and everything can just go back to how it was. From my point of view, this isn’t resolved. I can never trust this person again and have no wish to be in their company even if it makes family celebrations difficult. AITAH?",Your husband saying “just get over it” is easy when *he* wasn’t the one accused. Healing doesn’t run on someone else’s timeline. You’re allowed to protect yourself
Aitah friend ultmatoum?,"AITA? 

Me (m24) have.. or I guess had a best friend m(21). We met in college and did everything together eat gym study etc. I graduated and I thought things would end there yet he countiune to talk to me during summer and we would still hang out. During this summer he comes out as bi, I don’t mind it at all and he has a girlfriend so I see no issue, and I’m straight.

We end up getting really close and he helps me through some very tough times. Then all of a sudden he ghosts me randomly. I hear from a mutual friend that he thinks I have feelings for him and that it’s possibly conflicting for him and his realtionship with his girlfriend . I immeadtily text my friend that I don’t have romantic feelings for him and I’m sorry if it came out that way but I don’t feel that way. We text for a little bit and I think things are okay. Then ghosting again and I try calling a few times. Then I give the ultamtatium for him to either call me or we’re done… he never replied. Was the ultamatium too harsh? He didn’t block me or anything but he’s just ignoring all my calls and texts. ",He is already telling you he is picking the highway.  YWBTAH to yourself for not letting him go on his merry way.
AITAH for spending too much cb time with my family than with my boyfriend,"my boyfriend (29M) and a I(23F) has been dating for an year now, and i currently live with him

i used to go back to my parents house once or twice every month, but we would fought about this because he thinks i’m “spending too much time with my family than with him” and “not for picking up my phone immediately”. My response to that is i want to spend quality time with my family, and would check my phone once every 3 hours. (i told about this beforehand). and his response was “then why dating a gf that doesnt pick up the phone”. In the end, i kept apologizing until he’s not mad anymore.

so since then, i go back home once every two months because i want him to feel like i prioritize and do care about him. 

But he still got mad and said that i’m not willing to prioritize him, and should consider a breakup so i can date my  family(?).  I kept apologizing(i seriously don’t know what i’m apologizing for) and kept saying that i love him. But he wants me to propose a “solution”. so i just said, “i go back home less now…” and he just rolled his eyes and said “you are a b\*tch, you tell people you love them but you don’t do anything to change”

AITA…?","NTA but if I were you I would seriously consider ending this relationship.  He is not interested in compromising - he is trying to isolate you from your family and making you believe you are in the wrong.

Please take care of yourself."
WIBTAH for calling my friend by her ex’s name after she keeps mispronouncing my husband’s name on purpose?,"WIBTA for calling my friend by her ex’s name after she keeps mispronouncing my husband’s name on purpose?

My friend and I speak the same language, just different dialects. Because of that, she says my husband’s name is “hard” for her to pronounce.  It should not be hard because we speak essentially the same language.  The issue is that she intentionally mispronounces it, even though I’ve corrected her many times and explained how to say it properly.

She laughs every time she does it, and the mispronunciation makes the first few letters of his name sound like the word “ass.” I’ve told her it bothers me, but she still finds it funny and keeps doing it.

Now I’m feeling petty and tempted to call her by her ex’s name, which is essentially the same name as hers, just with the first letter changed. I know it would bother her, and part of me wants her to understand how annoying and disrespectful this feels.","NTA. The next time she does it, call her the name and tell her you will call her that name every single time she does it again in the future. 

I have to ask why you're still friends with someone who thinks your husband's name is a joke. Why stay friends with someone who intentionally disrespects your husband?"
AITAH for “selling my friends out” for a cookie?,"AITA for “selling my friends out” for a cookie?

This started when a new boy, Z, came to my school. My friend S liked him, and after winter break, people helped set them up. Despite rumors that Z was a cheater, S got his number and they started dating.

Soon after, I heard that people—including our friend N—were calling S ugly and saying she looked like a frog. In science class, S confronted N about it. N didn’t deny saying it, and things got tense between S, M, T, and N. Later, during group work, N told me the others were mad because she didn’t tell them that her friend L had been talking badly about S. She asked if I’d tell a friend if someone was talking about them, and I said yes—but only what they needed to know.

When N left the room, S and M asked what we talked about. I hesitated but told them exactly that: if my friend was being talked about, I’d tell them the important parts. A few days later, things escalated after it came out that N had been talking badly about S in a group chat.

At lunch, I overheard S, M, and T talking badly about N and L. Later, when I went to sit with N and L, they asked what was being said. They joked about giving me a cookie if I told them. I told them two small things: that people said L should fight someone her own size, and that N had misunderstood a situation where someone wasn’t actually staring at her. They got upset and started acting like they wanted to fight.

I immediately told S, M, and T what I said. They were shocked and said I “sold them out for a cookie.” More arguing followed, and eventually people started saying I wasn’t a real friend. I got overwhelmed and walked away.

Later, S told me she understood why I did what I did and wasn’t mad at me. But by the end of the day, the rest of my friends were avoiding me.

So, AITA?",NTAH. This is why I avoid all gossip and drama. It never ends well if you're caught in the middle.
AITAH for wanting to live alone,"So for context I (27M) worked with lily(43f) at one of the worst jobs both of us have ever had. She trained me and we became real close (not like that she’s asexual plus I’m not into her like that). She got her place she was staying at through our job but both our jobs there ended real baddd (nothing on our part but it was messy and complicated). So they asked her to move out and gave her like two days notice (there was never a lease or anything). Ive been homeless in the past and wouldn’t wish it on anyone, I also recently moved into my own place for the first time(got a divorce). So of course I offered her a place to stay.

But now it’s been almost a year and every couple of months she asks if she can stay a little longer, she hasn’t asked yet and the deadline for when she’ll leave is almost here. I hate living with someone else and miss having my own place I only had it for like two weeks before she moved in. And for some reason the thing that pisses me off the most is her sleeping on my couch, I paid so much money for my couch but because she’s always in it it’s definitely worn but only on one side. And I always feel like I have to stay in my bedroom if she’s sleeping becuz I don’t want to be rude (my place is very small) I am def not vibing right not but I don’t want to ruin the friendship and it’s not like she doesn’t do anything around the house. she takes care of my dog and my turtle when I’m not here, she cleans, she lets me play video games in the living room when I want and my dog loves her(my dog hates everyone). but I miss having my entire place to myself all the time. And yes she does have a job and she might have gotten a second one but she won’t find out for another week. Im usually really good at tellng people how I feel but I don’t want her to feel unwelcome or hurt or anything I just want her to feel safe she’s my best friend.  So honestly idk what to do cuz she hasn’t found any places or even talked about finding places but I’m also afraid of missing her and then feeling not to great cuz I’m alone (I know not healthy I’m on some meds 😂)



","NTA because, while you don't say if she pays you rent or anything, it sounds like she is just using you.  She's a mooch.  It's your place, and you deserve to have it back.  You will probably have to come to terms with the friendship ending though.  People like Lily tend to not see how bad their actions are and tend to end friendships over this stuff.

I have lived alone for the last 10 of the 12 years I've been a post college independent adult.  And, I would honestly never have it any other way.  The peace that I feel in my own home is something that I'm not willing to give up.

Also, check you local laws on how to evict people (in case she wants to make it difficult for you)."
AITAH for lashing out on my grandma?,"I (17F) have a lot of trauma/PTSD and am uncomfortable/triggered when being touched randomly or without my knowledge or permission. I get uncomfortable easily, and am triggered by sudden/unexpected loud noises.

My grandmother (56F) is very aware of this, but doesn't seem to care.

For example, when I am in the bathroom she will walk by and bang on the door and scream, which is a sudden noise that triggers me. She also will sneak up to my room and scream, which again is a sudden noise. She also honks the car horn when I'm in front of the car, and other immature things like this. She also will come up to me and grab my arm, touch my breasts, smack my butt, touch my waist, touch my face, touch my hair, just mess with me in general. I have trauma from being violated (Grandmother is aware). Therefore, her touching me suddenly/without my permission or knowledge is very triggering and uncomfortable. I have never liked this, but after being violated, my dislike has gotten much worse.

I recently started to call her out when she would touch me. I'd say ""I don't like when you touch me without my permission. I'm uncomfortable for a reason."" and she just laughed it off, as if I were joking. I did this multiple times and she never stopped. So, I decided I had enough of it and when she touched me I'd lash out (Just get angry and talk louder - without screaming). This also happened multiple times. I've tried to explain to her that I've been touched without consent and that I have trauma, but she doesn't seem to care.

Am I in the wrong? Should I be fine with her touching me just because she is my grandmother? I feel like I'm not in the wrong, but she keeps acting like I'm overreacting.

TIA! (Also, if you've ever been through anything similar, I deeply feel for you and I hope you know you are worth so much. You're not alone.)","Your grandma is an entitled AH actively violating your known boundaries.

She isnt laughing because she thinks its funny; shes testing you because she knows you wont enforce proper consequences. That explicit touching after knowing about your trauma is vile.

Stop asking permission for your safety. Go fully No Contact if you cant move out, and immediately tell parents/guardians this is a hostile environment. You are NTAH. Stand on business."
AITAH for refusing to do a “family photo”?,"Context: 

I live in Australia. My grandmother lives in the UK. I have no relationship with her due to that. She visits every year for \~6 weeks, stays with my parents (fully funded by them). I have a very complicated relationship with my parents and they don’t do anything for us or our kids. My father plays favourites with my eldest. All my parents do is criticise everything we do from afar and judge and then expect us to want to see them. They just rock up at our house for a few hours once every so often and make everything awkward for a few hours and then leave. They never ask about our kids, never offer to help with anything etc.

Anyway I put it this way: it’s almost like my father (so, her son) expects us to put on a little show for her visits. This year, I refused to take a family photo. She’s not part of our lives or our kids lives in any way other than a visit at the end of the year. The kids don’t even ask about her or talk about her. They don’t understand who she is, and I understand why - they never see her, and she just asks random questions when she visits. She’s not engaging with kids. She can’t hold a conversation with adults let alone kids… they don’t see her. So she’s not the fun great grandparent who has a funny story or some cool toys or something fun to do, and she just sits there awkwardly in silence. I don’t like the thought that she would have random photos of my kids up on her wall in her house, because that’s just weird? I wouldn’t put up photos of people I had no relationship with! And trying to organise a bunch of kids who absolutely do not want to pose for a photo, smile, etc is just “too hard basket”. I can tell so many stories of my great grandparents growing up because they were involved in my life but for my kids, my parents are not. So I don’t want to put on this little show and pretend that everything is cool because it’s not. I would go so far as to say I have grown to resent them for not being there yet I for some reason feel a sense of guilt as if I’m the one who has failed them…?? ","Going with NTA

I think the bigger issue is not wanting to dance to your parents' tune, when they've taken every opportunity to belittle your parenting and show favoritism to your sibling(s).  Enjoy the time with your kids."
AITAH for telling my best friend not to talk to my distant cousin,"I (14) dislike my distant cousin for many reasons, ill call her M (12F)

She met my friend group 1-2 years ago and has gotten extremely close to my friend (13F) who i will call rm

Rm and me are in this small friend group of 4 including us and my cousin has had a weird obsession with rm that got to the point where she had us all uncomfortable 

She said she stopped liking rm for another girl in her class this year which is friends with us due to M. First rm is not in our school but another friend from my group is. (14F) ill call her S 

M lied about her and her classmate dating to us and we only found out recently that they had never been together

Also her classmate said that M kept on grabbing her in inappropriate ways and would refuse to leave her alone even after they fought

That was extremely weird so we did confront M about this and i let S lead but M said “are you done” and cried when she got yelled at as if she didn’t know she shouldn’t give attitude to S who already hated her guts before since she had gone emo when S said to kill herself jokingly after she sent a lesbian pic when she was next to her mum

So recently i found old messages about her classmate and i sent it to the group saying that i hope it wasn’t about her because they were just weird and the thing is they didn’t even have anything insulting M

So god bless her but rm is stupid as shit so she sent the message to M who obviously got pissed and spammed me telling me that its none of my business but after that she deleted her messages so i told rm to stop sending our messages to M and to just stop being friends with M in general

So once again rm said to M exactly what i said and she wrote to me again saying what did she ever do to me

So M told her mum last week that she didn’t wanna come to our grandparents house which caused my family to ask what happened and i gave them the most i could without outing her as gay or outing myself cause we live in a homophobic country

So this week she came and S was staying at my place and was supposed to be going home on that Friday

So everything was normal and we took S home early cause she had pain in her throat

When i got back to my grandparents i went to sleep cause i was exhausted. And the next day i go downstairs early cause my mum texted me that we need to talk

She told me that M’s mum had taken my aunt aside and told her to tell me to apologise to and comfort M. My aunt declined cause M’s mum has no authority to make me do anything since we weren’t even blood related

She also told me that my aunt took M aside and told her to just not talk to me or if she didn’t want me near her she just shouldn’t come to Friday lunch at my grandparents house

I gave up and told my mum that M is gay and told the whole story as it was and my mum told me to never talk to M again. AITAH?","I couldn't read more than half.  Ridiculous, melodramatic bullshit.  I realize the people involved are very young, but good grief."
AITAH for hiding wife’s keys and telling her she can’t leave home today?,"I know this sounds controlling, but…

It’s raining today for the first time in weeks. She’s totaled three cars in 18 months. All of them on wet roads. I didn’t even know it was possible to roll a Camry in a single car accident. 

She says I’m treating her like a child. I say I’m doing harm reduction. No rain in the forecast after today and grocery shopping can happen just fine tomorrow. ",Your wife totaled 3 cars in 18 months and you’ve still found someone that will insure her?
"AITAH for calling my roommate's girlfriend a ""confident moron"" and making her cry?","This happened quite a few years ago but it still comes up sometimes and people tend to be torn on whether or not I'm the asshole so I figured why not let Reddit decide once and for all. At the time, I (22f) and my boyfriend (23m) let's call him Keanu, were looking at getting an apartment together but also with our mutual friend, Orlando (23m). The three of us got along really well, both Keanu and Orlando were big gamers and somewhat introverted although I would say Orlando was much more so than Keanu. We had a few squabbles in the first couple months but that was mostly figuring out the little things between each other on our boundaries, privacy expectations etc.
 
Point is, we had no problem communicating with each other so things resolved quickly and respectfully. That is until Orlando approaches us about having his girlfriend move in. So, first of all, before this conversation neither Keanu or I had any idea Orlando even had a girlfriend. Apparently, he had been online chatting with a girl from across the country for a bit over a year and when they had a falling out, the younger sister of this girl reached out to Orlando and then THEY began ""dating"" almost immediately. After only a couple months they wanted to not just meet for the first time but move in together, (meaning with us as well, not like find their own place) 

Yes, it was as weird as it sounds but we tried very hard not to be judgemental or suspicious about it. Ultimately, Keanu didn't care but that was very much his personality, he's always been very ""meh"" and go with the flow until it effects him negatively. I was a bit apprehensive agreeing to live with someone I'd never met but I also knew Orlando had a hard time with relationships. He's very sweet and funny but he's not confident in approaching women and he's the type to always be friend-zoned so I wanted to be a good friend and support him. 

Besides, I was fairly out-going and could get along easily with most people. Enter, Becky (19f) and to our collective surprise, also enter, Walter, her 12 yo but recently acquired rescue dog. The vibes were awful from the start. Becky was not just shy, but extremely standoffish. She had what I would I call ""resting-contempt"" face because resting bitch face just doesn't describe it correctly. She essentially had permanent side-eye, like she thought everyone and everything around her was dumb. I honestly wondered if her forehead and eyebrows were stuck like that. 

Anyways, the first few months were relatively quiet. Orlando and Becky kept Walter in their room and even though there was some unruly barking and bladder issues it was contained to their space so Keanu and I figured, if anything, that'd be an issue for later (like if we were charged for the carpet after our lease was up). The changes were small at first. Orlando became more and more withdrawn from us, essentially only spending time in his room with Becky. 

Before she moved in we shared meals together and split groceries but that was an issue for Becky so we changed to keeping things separate. Except they weren't entirely separate. While Keanu and I were not allowed to use any of her things (appliances, utensils, food etc) she used ours constantly. The hypocrisy was annoying but she didn't have many things and I didn't mind sharing so, whatever. But things never softened. Getting to know her was basically impossible, she had zero interest in interacting with us and any attempt on our end was met with silence and her never changing contempt face.

Orlando even tried initiating some convo between us when Becky started a CNA program. I had previously been a CNA and actually completed the exact same program so I followed Orlando's lead and just said yeah im here if you have any questions or want to pick my brain but as you can imagine it was an offer she never took me up on. Honestly, living with her was just straight up uncomfortable while also feeling like we were losing our friend, the tension never eased and then things started to escalate. 

After she completed the program she got a job in an assisted living place and because that type of CNA work is a lot less intensive than working at like a nursing home or hospital her work clothes consisted of black pants and a polo shirt rather than scrubs. In this kind of job you're more like an assistant than a caregiver. She claimed they only gave her one uniform polo and she needed to wash and dry it every single day. We wouldn't have cared if this hadn't TRIPLED our powerbill. 

She was literally washing and drying a single shirt 6 days a week and then washing the rest of her clothes at once on Sunday. We mentioned this to Orlando and that they needed to account for the extra cost and all we got back were excuses. ""Well you guys leave lights on"", ""Adding another person would account for that"" ""maybe the rates increased"" etc. Even though I showed him the breakdown and how it barely went up before she started working and in fact, no the rates had not increased, he still blew us off before finally concluding that we just don't like her. I told him it's not about that but this isn't just about the cost either. 

We cannot reason with this person. She clearly wants nothing to do with us and any time I've tried to talk to her she just stares at me like im an idiot. I told her it was weird her work only gave her one shirt and I find it even stranger you couldn't at least buy more from your work but again all I got was contempt face. At this point, with Orlando's attitude and refusal to pay more towards the power bill I decided I was done tiptoeing around this girl. I told her to stop using my things and whenever she did something weird and stupid I no longer kept my mouth shut. 

Like when she was making ""potato fritters"" and ""seasoned"" them by opening MY container of refill peppercorns for my pepper grinder and just placing 12 to 15 unground peppercorns onto each thinly sliced potato wedge she was sauteing in a pan. I wasn't even rude at first, rather than saying nothing like I previously chose to do, I spoke up saying, ""hey, those are whole peppercorns they're meant to be put in a grinder to create pepper."" To my surprise, the more I spoke out the more she did as well. So not only did I get contempt face but I also got, ""*scoffs* well my recipe calls for peppercorns, so..."" This is when I realized she truly is dumb. 

I had been giving this girl waaay too much grace (not something I thought I'd ever say lol) I figured she was shy, I figured her disdain was just insecurity, and I figured her face was just stuck like that but no she was just dumb (19🤷‍♀️) and rude. Thing is, it was actually very freeing to learn. For me, the tension dissolved and I now found these annoyances pretty hilarious, especially once she started talking. Her reasons for things and her attitude was so immature and bizarre that I found myself almost looking forward to what she'd do next just to hear her asinine reasons. 

There were so many examples to choose from but this is my favorite and ultimately the one that made her cry (I'm not proud of that BTW but I'm not ashamed either). Anyways, here's how it happened. I came home and Becky was ""cooking"" at the stove. It took me a minute to understand what I was seeing. She had one of my pots half-filled with boiling water and then topped with aluminum foil to which she had poked a couple of holes in the center so some steam was making it through.

She then placed about 3 frozen potstickers on top of the foil (she tried for more but the foil couldn't handle more weight) and then she took another slightly larger pot (also mine) and placed it over top of her contraption like a lid that would never fit. I watched as she tried to balance the larger pot as if she'd be able to leave it there but eventually she gave up and just held it. Inside I was roiling with laughter. I didn't even care she was once again using my stuff without asking. 

I said as neutrally as possible, ""Whatcha doiiiiin?"" This wave of pride and superiority came over her, my htg first thought was like oh so her contempt face isn't permanent and it has a nasty cousin. Then she goes, ""its a homemade wok."" The unsaid ""duh"" just hanging in the slightly steamy air as I tried to comprehend what I just heard. I didn't own a wok but I certainly knew what they looked like and this setup was definitely not a make-shift version of one. I tried to explain it gently.

 ""Listen, a wok is shaped more like a large mixing bowl and the point is to heat oil in it and kind of move the food you're cooking in and out of the oil, like healthier deep frying (you try explaining this at 23) what you've got here is basically a steamer. Which, I have a steamer insert to my big pot, you could steam the whole bag all at once if you switch all this over."" She did not take this well. She removed the ""lid"" and then switched out the 3 potstickers while she snapped back at me, ""I KNOW what I'm doing. I did research and this is the only way to make a homemade wok."" 

I was still trying not to laugh but I looked at the 3 potstickers she removed from her ""wok"" and a little giggle came out as i said, ""Dude... these are still frozen."" Her reply is why I've never been ashamed of making her cry. She turns to me with the contempt face im used to, holding her ""lid"" with a shaky wrist and says, ""It's called 'El Dent', are you fucking stupid?"" OH hell no. 

I took the ""lid"" pan out of her hand and dropped it in the sink, turned off the stove and moved the other pan off the heat and essentially backed her into a corner of the kitchen with my aggression and likely the look on my face. Her face was both surprised and a little scared, it was almost enough to deflate my anger. Almost. ""Becky, you are quite literally the most confident moron I have ever met. Worse? You have zero respect, consideration or self-awareness. It is truly baffling. You think you know everything? Fine. Your life is going to be a quick walk off a short bridge and I'll go back to keeping my mouth shut about it as long as you never touch ANY of my shit again."" 

The silence was a bit deafening, I'd let all my resentment towards this girl explode out of me in one fell swoop and I was beyond compassion at that moment. She was just staring at me so I made my eyes all big and as condescending as possible, I said, ""This is where you nod and say 'okay'..."" Tears formed in her eyes and she ran off to her room slamming the door. I did not later apologize. When Orlando freaked out on me after hearing her version I did not apologize or explain myself except to say, ""When someone calls me 'fucking stupid' I think im entitled to a response."" And respond I did. 

Anyways, there it is. I tried to be as honest as possible and provide all relevant context in order to get a fair and unbiased Reddit verdict. Please help me put this to bed once and for all, AITAH?",PARAGRAPHS
AITAH for telling my friends to not come to my birthday party,"My birthday was in a few days and i was discussing with my friends what i was gonna do so i invited all 3 of them over to my house, previously before this my mother asked what i wanted to do and i said hang out with family like I've been doing every year since my 8th birthday i don't have autism but i understand why a lot of autistic's hate when they need to change routine.. you think about all the weird awkward moments, something getting out of hand or even disasters, 

i was honest with my friends and said i don't want them to come over not because i don't like them but because i was uncomfortable changing routine but my mom and i got into a bit of an altercation and she thought my friends have done something to me to make me not want to invite them over. 

I repeatedly told her no they haven't done anything to me i just dislike changing routine and she insisted i invited them- and then i was told it was ""up to me"" my family has done this 2 times on my birthday, at my party and the month before it. After feeling pressured i just invited them anyways i mean its just a few close friends right? some of them might not even make it. After everything was planned out , The day of my birthday Party came, it was a small dinner, my mom had prepared multiple dishes and bought pizza in case my friends felt picky, that's also one of the reasons i didn't want to invite a certain friend- dont get me wrong i like her but she tends to be a very picky eater and shes rude without noticing, my mom has already complained about her not saying thank you after she picked her up and dropped her off.

My sister and her husband came over and they helped set the table, an hour later my sister asked where my friends were and i told her one of my friends , i guess we can call her natalie, said she'd show at 3:30, my family was clearly impatient and told me are they coming or not. Its 3:37 i texted natalie frantically and asked her where she was at and she tells me ""my parents said i cant come in until our other friend gabby showed up"" and gabby informed me a day before she would show up around 4. I went back to waiting for my friends and my family was bothering me about it and i texted gabby and told her my families pressuring me, when will you get here they want to eat and cut the cake. Gabby said to let them eat and cut the cake and i went to text natalie because she lives closer to me and i told her gabby will not be here before you, 

she asked if she should stay home and i put the phone down because my family started saying they aren't showing up and its rude and i felt pressure from both sides so i went upstairs and my older brother followed me and took the phone, and my friend gabby texted "" can we just do this next weekend"" that was my breaking point, 

i felt dismissed, ignored, invisible, like im ready for the mental preparation of getting ready for people to come over, i was about to cry i don't know how to do this im just a kid. I said i did not want to replan because my mother has cooked food and prepared the whole house even cleaning her own bedroom for them to come over and have fun with me, i was pissed and said ""no"".

 .  My brother asked ""do you want them to come or not"",  it was never about if i wanted them here or not everyone made me feel like i was disappointing them, not meeting their needs, i just wanted to hang out with my family and friends. I instinctively said to tell them to stay home, i wanted to simplify everything, i wanted a clean slate again i was so overwhelmed. My brother proceeded to say ""don't come"" in the group-chat i have with them, he made me put the phone down and told me to enjoy my birthday and just forget about my problems, afterwards we went downstairs and my family asked what happened and i said i told them not to come and they said is that what you want and i started crying and they asked why and i told them its because i feel like i have to please you guys but i want my friends to be pleased too but i obviously cant have that and i just wanted things to be normal. 

My mom hugged me and told me its ok and to forget about my friends. The reason gabby didnt show is because a day or 2 ahead she said she was getting her hair done by her aunt and i understood that, she also lives in a different city, My other friend nayah didnt show up simply because she didnt care to plan ahead and wasn't ready at all. My 2 friends were concerned and asking why i abruptly told them not to come and i finally picked up the phone and texted them back, 

"" i told you guys not to come"" my friend natalie said ""dude what the fuck you genuinely made a whole plan and cancel the hour of coming, that's messed up, we just wanted to spend the day with you. Why did you even bother inviting us"" and my other friend gabby jumped in and was obviously confused and thought i was spending my actual birthday with my family and my party with friends only and now ""all of a sudden my family is over"" when i stated clearly its a dinner with my family and you guys on saturday on a call, they said ok and i was bombarded by questions after saying "" this is why i didn't want to do this because it would be awkward and no one planned around it"" and my mom started getting angry at what they were saying to me and gabby asked why i said no to and told them what i have said before, my mom worked hard and this isnt just something you can do every weekend. 

  
Part 2 in a few hours or whenever i get time my lunch break is about to end ","YTA.

You can’t be mad at them for not showing up when you knowingly **allowed** your brother to text them telling them **not to show up**.

Honestly, you sound exhausting. You’re overwhelmed with people pleasing? Fine. Maybe they’re overwhelmed with trying to keep up with you. You *reluctantly* invited them (people can sense when they’re not wanted) then when they would be *late* told them not to turn up. So they didn’t and now you’re mad they did what you asked of them?

Yeah, YTA."
AITAH for having no sympathy for my sick husband?,"I want to preface by saying that I am in a very loving and committed relationship. We have our normal relationship ups and downs, however we always work through everything together and are genuinely very happy. 

Except for this one thing: he gets sick A LOT. At least once a fortnight, he is down and out with the flu, a cold, stomach issues, you name it. 

Now, I am a very emphatic person and my go to response is to care for people when they are unwell. However, I am also someone who get things done. If there is a solution for something, I am aiming for it.

Hubby hates the doctors. He hasn’t been since he was a kid, and now he ‘doesn’t believe’ in them. Fair enough, each to their own, but there is obviously something going on with him. It is not normal for someone to fall ill this regularly, and besides that, who wants to live their life sick all the time? Problem is, he won’t do anything about it, he’ll just suffer, and in turn the whole household suffers. We have two kids, and when he’s sick, he refuses to go near them in fear he might make them sick, which makes sense. But, because this is happening so regularly, it’s really putting a strain on our family. 

I have spoken with him about it multiple times, saying he needs to have some tests done and that he doesn’t have to live this way, but it’s always met with dismiss and denial. 

Now, it’s at the point where when he falls in, I have no sympathy for him. Hell mope around the house, whinging of pain, and i’ll just ignore him and focus on the kids. He’s been getting upset with me recently, and my lack of care factor, but I told him why I have been acting the way I have been, and now he’s accusing me of being manipulative. 

Im at a loss, nothing I say is getting through to this man. Outside of this issue, we’re great, but this is causing so much tension in our relationship. 

So AITAH? 


","I've read enough medical mysteries to know that what he's going through isn't normal and that he is on a collusion course to 'Oh if you came earlier, we could have fixed it'. Honestly, as a grown man, if he doesn't see the strain hes causing on others and the damage he's doin to his family, Id try to get his family involved or friends? If his whole circle is urging him to see professional help, he can't keep shying away right?"
AITAH for not knowing what I want in my relationship?,"I 18/F and my boyfriend 17/M have been dating a little over 1 year. at the beginning of the relationship, everything was great. We hardly fought, We hung out every single day and we lived 10 minutes away from each other. Everything changed when I moved about two hours away to go to college. Once I moved, things became really hard. I was not allowed to be friends with guys because since i’m cute apparently every guy will like me and he can’t believe i wouldn’t be able to resist someone cute asking me out. (i have never had a history of cheating or anything like that.) we would fight every week even though i would drive the 4 hours home and back most weekends to see him. (he was never allowed to drive up) i ended up feeling like i was doing a lot for the relationship and putting lots of the effort in and i was just getting in trouble for things that i thought were unreasonable?

Things got a lot better when i was home for a month for winter break but it’s been a week and things already got bad again. I proposed we take a break when i was home this past weekend so we could date other people (and still date each other at the same time) because even with how upset i get at the situation i still love him and don’t want to lose him he’s my best friend. We talked about it and ultimately decided to stay together unless it gets bad again. I am feeling some regret and i am unsure what to do. Also he tried to break up a couple months ago and i had to beg him to reconsider and that really hurt my feelings. i am having a hard time getting past it. He really is a great person and i would be heartbroken to end things but i am so torn. I have a neighbor who i think is cute and i feel guilty for having these feelings.

TL;DR I 18F want to date in college and feel guilty because i still am in love with my 17M Boyfriend even though things have been hard","You're holding onto something that needs to be let go off. You're missing all the memories that people make in college/university because of this relationship. You had to beg your boyfriend to continue the relationship, that speaks volume about where he is at. I know you're hurt and I know you love him but if things are meant to be you will find each other again and if not I know you can find someone else."
AITAH for refusing to apologize to a girl who bullied me in middle school?,"I (20M) still have many people from my middle school added on Snapchat. This girl Maggie (19F) had confessed to me recently that a comment I made about her in middle school has had her feeling insecure for years. Mind you it’s been 7 years since I made this comment. For context Maggie was somewhat of a bully. She always started drama with people. She tried to start drama with me but I’ve never been one to mess with. I was big on self defense back then.

Maggie would always try to poke fun at me. What happened in this particular time is I was a little chubby in middle school. Maggie one day kept following me around asking me why I have titties as a man. She asked me about 20 times and I lost it. I clapped back with “why don’t you have titties. And why does it smell like the Pacific Ocean underneath you”. At the time she laughed and walked off, but I guess I really stuck a nerve. We got into an argument on Snapchat afterwards and then we were cool.

Present day, I told her that she came after me first back then and I’m not apologizing for defending myself. She called me an AH and a shitty person.

AITAH?",Dang what a comeback bro 😭
AITAH for not going shopping with my friend because I was broke?,"My best friend (f) and I (f) loved doing things together. We went out to dinner, we found new places to go to, we saw plays and shows together- we did everything together essentially. One of the things that we did together was go to the Yankee Candle factory around Christmas to go shopping for our families and just make a day trip out of going to MA. It was the best time and we always had a great time. 

This past year was different and I was financially struggling because I was biweekly at my job and the time that we were supposed to go was on the off week I didn’t get paid and I didn’t have enough for shopping there. I was upfront and honest with her, even offered to do something different that weekend to still hang out, but told her that I just didn’t have the funds to go to MA. She was understanding at first, but when we attempted to reschedule, she grew upset that I was going away the following weekend. It was a trip that my boyfriend essentially booked as a Christmas gift to us, and it was booked several months back so it wasn’t like a last minute trip that was scheduled. I had explained to her that I didn’t purchase the trip, that my boyfriend booked the trip as a Christmas gift to us, and that it was booked several months back. My best friend essentially didn’t believe me, said that it was mildly screwed up that I was cancelling to go to MA because I was broke, but I was going away the following week to an Airbnb I didn’t purchase. 

She then cut ties with me and told me she didn’t want anything to do with me. I felt completely blindsided and didn’t know what I did wrong. I truthfully didn’t have the funds at the time, I was still willing to go to MA but just at another time when I had the funds. She hasn’t spoken to me, unfriended and unfollowed everywhere. AITAH for not going shopping with her? ",NTA she sounds pretty entitled.
WIBTAH asking for relationship clarity before renewing lease together?,"TL;DR: After 3 years together, my boyfriend says he’s happy but wants to revisit whether we stay together in a few months. I’m under financial pressure and don’t want to renew a lease without clarity. Is it unreasonable to ask for certainty?

We’ve been together for 3 years and have been trying to repair our relationship after a period where we were fighting about once a week. We agreed to make healthier changes. Socializing more, volunteering, and intentionally planning date nights using the 2-2-2 rule. We recently had a really great date night, and I genuinely thought we were finally on the same page.

Later that same night, we got into another argument. I made a comment like “I hope it all works out,” referring to hoping I get a new job so we can move to a better apartment (our current one is very humid and worsens his asthma). During a massage, I accidentally hurt him twice, and that seemed to be the breaking point.

He told me things like:

-He feels like he’s always the one getting hurt in the relationship (his health in this apartment, and even my cat scratching his eye after being spooked a year ago).

-He believes I think he will leave, even though I’ve repeatedly told him I trust that he won’t. However, his insistence is starting to create doubt in me.

-He hides parts of his personality from me.

-That if nothing changes, we should “revisit” the relationship between April–June to decide if we should stay together. We had originally agreed to ask for a 6-month lease renewal in hopes I can get another job, and him back into school since things had been going better, and he had reassured me that he wasn’t leaving. 


After this conversation, he said he’s happy with me and that “we’re okay,” but I don’t feel okay at all. The biggest issue is that I’ve been financially carrying the relationship for about 2 years now. It’s taken a toll on my stress and happiness, and while my boyfriend is upset that I’m not happy, a large part of that unhappiness comes from the financial pressure. I was fired a few months ago (targeted), and I currently have about 3 months of savings left. If I don’t find a new job soon, I may have to dip into my retirement. Our lease renews in February. I feel like I need clarity on whether he’s serious about this relationship before making housing decisions. I don’t want to jeopardize my financial stability by committing to a lease based on a “maybe or maybe not.”

","NTA, but do know that if you weren't financially carrying him, he'd already be gone. You don't need to ""clarify"" anything with someone who openly says things like he wants to ""revisit whether we stay together ni a few months."" Emotionally, he's already done. Time to set yourself free from this person."
AITAH for cutting contact with my ex-friend for wanting to be myself?,"I (15M) and my friend, let's call her ""Kasey"" (15F) have conflicting views. She is a strong believer of God, I'm more agnostic. She is a straight girl who was born a girl too, whereas I was born a girl but am transgender and identify as a man. I am also not straight as I like boys and girls.

  
Kasey constantly tried to get me to believe in God. While I normally wouldn't have a problem with her just being religious, all her friends only talk about Jesus, God, and the Bible. She makes her religious stances clear on all her bios, and she also tries to get me to become religious too even though I don't read the Bible and am not too certain on the existence of God, though I believe multiple Gods probably do exist. I just don't follow religious rules or traditions.

  
Anyway, she found out in my bio that my pronouns were he/him. So she asked me why it said that. I told her I'm transgender. She then brought up the religion thing again, saying ""Oh. Do you seriously think God made a mistake with your gender?""

My response: ""Sure, I don't know.""

""Well, God doesn't make mistakes, does he? Hmm? Hmm?""

And was talking about how she wanted me to become a ""servant of God"", and a straight Christian girl forever. I blocked her, as I didn't wanna deal with that and didn't wanna be changed, I just wanted to be myself. It wasn't hurting her if I wanted to be a pansexual agnostic boy.

  
Please, no transphobia in the comments.",">""Well, God doesn't make mistakes, does he? Hmm? Hmm?""



Feel free to ask her why some babies are born with cleft palates.

Actually, never mind, just block this person and move on with your life."
AITAH for forcing someone to cram on a plane,"Context, I'm newly 18M and my brother is 15M. This happened a little while ago over winter break. Me and my brother were going out to Florida to visit family, when I was still 17. Our parents decided to stay home since they don't get along too well with the other side of the family, but we have great relationships with our cousins. Also, here's some info on the airlines: Anyone 16 and above can fly alone, without parental supervision. However, they CANNOT count as the 'adult' accompanying anyone 15 or under. Because of this, though I was already 17 and able to fly alone, my brother couldn't, so we flew as unaccompanied minors with a flight attendant assigned to supervise us.

To get the story going, here's a run over of what happened. Since we were flying as minors, we got the seats at the back of our plane's section. Those were nice because we got the seat in the middle empty for us to use as extra legroom, had great AC, and we didn't have to deal with anyone behind us kicking our seats or anything. Also, in addition to the middle seat, there was just a lot more leg room in front of us in general.

In front of us, after we get seated, there's a lady who's middle aged and, respectfully, is more on the heavy side. I only mentioned that because it's sort of crucial to the story. Anyway, she's moving down the rows, finds her seat, and complains to the flight attendant that there isn't enough room for her and claims she needs a  spot with two open seats. Unfortunately for her, there aren't any open. Anyway, it was pretty obvious that wasn't her goal anyway, since she was not THAT heavy and she would have plenty of room fitting into the seat. Judging her appearance, she probably wasn't even XXL. She was mainly targeting the people across from us, who also had really nice seats in the back of the section. She couldn't convince any of them to move, so she sort of rounded on us and asked us to.

The flight attendant told us we didn't have to move at all. The lady then said, ""They have a lot of aisle space, so if one of them just moves to the middle, I'd settle for sitting in the aisle seat next to them."" Then, really condescendingly, ""Even though I'd have to sit next to KIDS.""

Honestly, I didn't really understand her reasons, but my brother seemed uncomfortable, so I just flat out said no, we weren't comfortable sitting with a stranger, and she had a perfectly fine seat. She got upset at that, called us 'spoiled teenage brats' and went back over to her seat. One flight attendant went over to talk to her about her behavior and give her a warning, but I'm still wondering, AITAH, since she just wanted a seat in the back and we said no despite having one.",NTA…. She could always buy two seats if she wants more room.
AITAH for being annoyed with my friends clinginess to her bf?,"My friend and her bf have been together for 5 years solid, no break ups, dramatic fights, etc (that I’m aware of). They were high school sweethearts and each others firsts. They’ve been living together for the last six months too. A few days ago a group of us got together for a birthday party and we had to go grab decorations. He was going to drive and one of our other friends wanted to sit shotgun and she got upset saying the reason she even wanted to be there/come was to be near him. He then even said to her that they share a bedroom, she gets him-time everyday. This is clearly something he noticed too. I get that kind of behaviour when the relationship is new but this type of thing has been going on for years. We still can’t have a girls night without her pouting, missing him and then calling him for an hour to the entire rest of the night. I like being around her but only when she’s not focused on her boyfriend and it’s annoying me so badly. At this point I avoid hang out with her one on one because it kills my mood.
AITAH? 

+ Should I mention it to her? Or would that ruin whatever friendship we have?","NTA but please take care to ensure you don't sound critical when you bring this up with her. You have zero right to tell her that her behavior as a gf is wrong. You are not an invested party to how they behave with one another.


What is valid is, ""I miss you. We aren't as close as we used to be and from my perspective here's why..."" This gives her the opportunity to address it openly and constructively rather than feeling like she needs to be defensive. She might not really care about being close to you considering her obsession with him but she can't tell you how she feels if you start with throwing jabs. Good luck!"
"AITAH for getting mad at my friend/friends because of his/their ""ragebait""?","Alright I'll be honest here, i put in ragebait in quotation marks cause i don't really know how to put this, and I'm posting this on a throwaway account just to be safe.

so everything pretty much started during the end of summer break where one night i was scrolling through my phone when i my mom calls me from the living room and shows me an Instagram account, which was essentially a shit post account and all of the videos featured me, more specifically, old pictures of me which can only be found on my mom's account, and i mean you really have to dig to find them. but anyway at the time i didn't really think much of it however my mom (and in my opinion rightfully so) got extremely mad and called up the school to personally report this account which was basically making shitposts about me.

i called up a few people i thought were behind this and lo and behold my suspicions were confirmed correct when one of the people I know (which i won't be naming for obvious reasons) admitted that him and another guy from a different school district made the account for shits and giggles. The account eventually got deleted, however this was only the beginning of the bullshit they were about to pull.

When i came back in school there was this nee guy in my friend group who was friends with some of the people in it, but mostly he knew us from the guy who made the account about me.

eventually a few months pass and it's gym class, and we're coming back from practice, and someone (to this day i still don't know who) took a massive shit inside the bathroom which stunk up the whole place. then Infront of everyone this guy points at me and on the spot accuses me for doing it and everyone just kinda points at me and start being like ""ugh man that's disgusting"" or ""oh come on dude"" and i couldn't even defend myself cause everyone was already convinced that i was the one who did that. and on the way back from the building where the gym was and the school itself people started making fun of me for it, and it genuinely made me tear up and cry.

fast forward again to about a month, this British guy starts saying some shit like ""oh (my mom's full name) is slipping into my DMs ooooohh"". which yeah annoyed me but it was one guy so who cared. however slowly but surely the whole class i go to gym with starts to pick up on this and started to say stuff like ""oh this shot is for (my mom's name)"" which, again, i didn't mind because there was nothing bad about their comments. But then the same guy who accused me of the bathroom thing (who has somehow became a rooted member in my friend group)
starts to say things about my mom which really pissed me off. I don't want to go into detail about what he said but i will say that it involved the mention of s*xual int*rcourse (yeah he went there, and god i feel disgusted just mentioning this), and this all lead up to one day where he was making the jokes Infront of my face and i just snapped and started yelling at him, cursing him out, and I just started to cry, and he just said ""bro it's just ragebait"".

Now I don't want you thinking this guy is a complete menace to society, he's overall a decent human being when he's not trying to ""ragebait"". I've been to birthdays with him and stuff like that.

However recently, about three to four weeks ago i joined a discord server which he owns and it's chill for the most part, however the times i do get on call with him (and he's always accompanied by that guy who made the shitposts acc about me) he always says something about my appearance, voice, interests and i wanna know, Am I The Asshole for reacting the way i did to their ragebait?","I assume you're a kid. Stop hanging around with assholes, easy as that. In school, put your head down, concentrate on your work. Don't get involved with cliques. You can be a cool teenager or a cool adult but rarely both, and it's much better to be a cool adult. It lasts longer."
AITAH for not wanting to pay off my bf’s mortgage faster?,"I don't usually post but could really use your perspective on the situation. I (28F) have been with my partner (34M) for almost 5 years now. We met overseas, fell for each other quickly and moved in together quite fast. After living together for about a year, he ended up moving back to the US. After another tough year of long-distance, I decided to move back to the US to be with him. During our year apart, he also bought an affordable income studio where the total rent was around $1k for the whole thing, which we ended up splitting 50-50.

It took 13 MONTHS to sell the studio with us both living in it. Living with another person in such a confined space for over a year is an experience I would not wish upon anybody. Especially, as you can imagine, when you are not on the same schedule or, ie when he’d stay out partying until 5am, sleeping in until noon, and I (without a driver’s license at the time) felt like I had no place to go nor could I begin my day until he woke up. It also did feel, overall, very uncomfortable for me to have to be somewhat financially dependent on another person, while looking for a job the first 4 months of living there.

Now entering year 3.5 of being together - We FINALLY move into a bigger, but not super spacious, new apartment. It does have the most stunning view (top floor), which is the entire reason why he picked this apartment. As for me, I just wanted space at that point. So we did go back to look at some other apartments but ultimately ended up going with this apartment that he wanted (exclusively because of the view). 

As of a few months ago, I had been paying rent to my partner (around $1250 per month), when he asked me to chip in extra to help pay off the apartment faster. He explained it to me that by adding an extra $1k per month, we would be able to shave off 7 years of rent and interest plus this could help us save up for a house. So as of July last year, I started sending him $1450 per month to cover exactly half of all the house bills (rent, extra payment, HOA, utilities etc).

Fast-forward to yesterday, I open up the mail with the rent invoice and the amount for rent due is just ""$1247."" My heart kind of stopped seeing that on paper. Even though he had sort of explained this prior, it shocked me that this was the only actual amount due. Another small line item below shows the $1000 additional (optional) payment, and last month's payment showed $2.2k lining up with that amount he said roughly. Still taken aback by this, I requested that he please show me all our monthly payments.

To be fair, most of the house bills added up to just shy of $2.8k. Though, I am also paying for our Amazon account, Hulu and Netflix costing around $450 per year. I pay for gas 3/4 times because (granted) I am the one who drives to work and uses the car more but almost all of our weekend trips are shared. I know this might sound like it's all fair and square, but now, he makes around $6.4k per month after taxes while I make just about exactly $4k per month (after my latest pay bump last month). I still cook 90% of all our meals and plan the grocery shopping (which we venmo each other and split 50-50). He pays for concert tickets, and pays for some travel expenses, but the more I think about it - None of these bills he pays for are in my name.

Being overly cautious and at times unhappy in the relationship, it makes me really uneasy that I am paying slightly shy of 40% of my salary just for this total rent and helping pay off HIS mortgage. If he were to take on the entire cost (meaning my part as well) this would be roughly 42% of his salary each month. I feel slightly taken advantage of, even though this is what I agreed to initially. Is it fair to request that we just split the actual rent owed and let him pay the $1k extra per month, since he can and the mortgage is not in my name? 

Lastly, we did have a really bad fight once that started because I did not feel like he was respectful of what needed to be done in the apartment, and he completely shut down. Only at the very end of the night did he say ""I was about to tell you to find another place to live"" after I begged for a resolution. That statement really hurt me because it is my one fear: to be blindsided by a loved one or to have my safety ripped away. As a result of this, I don't feel like this apartment truly is my investment too like he claims it is.

PS. He will do nice things for me, like bring me an extra sandwich home for lunch or again, pay for a concert/date/make plans for us with friends. I try to do the same but I'm not as good at it. I will pay for dates though and put a lot of care into gifts, make him custom things and I bought him an engraved watch for Christmas. He gave me airpods, which I really like, but they were not wrapped. He also bought himself a pair, so emotionally it hasn’t always felt totally balanced.

**TLDR**: Am I the asshole for not wanting to pay the extra $500 per month toward my partner's mortgage when the investment is fully in his name and he earns more than me? Technically this makes all our house bills ""50-50"" - But I still pay for gas, do a lot for the house and cook 90% of the time. He books trips for us and pays for concert tickets.

**Edit**: By popular demand I removed a lot of irrelevant storytelling lol. Genuine thanks to everyone for chiming in, I greatly appreciate it and the added perspective. For now, I will ask to pay less or at least a more fair proportion.","Way too much unnecessary crap.  If you are not getting equity in the house, you should pay much less."
AITAH for not calling a Uber even though she didn't tell me she wasn't being able to call one?,"The following story happened in September of last year, but I don't think there has been a day where I don't think about it.

  
A grocery store cashier gave me the phone number of her niece (19F). She's not exactly her niece by blood, but by affinity. I (then 28M) asked if the age gap wouldn't be an issue. I got no reply, so I assumed it wouldn't be an issue to any party. I was warned that the girl's mother (41F) could be a bit troublesome, though.

  
We talked every single day on WhatsApp and then I felt the urge to ask her on a date. It went perfect. It was my first date ever, I might add.

  
However, a few weeks later, she says she wanted to go to the amusement park at the parking lot of the shopping mall, but she couldn't go alone since her mother would never allow her to go anywhere by herself. I said that we both could go. It would have been out second date. A few days later, she asked if her brother (17M) could go with us. I said ""ok"", but I wasn't satisfied at all. It was supposed to be about me and her.

  
The day arrives. We go out like, 30 minutes after the set time because ""her brother was taking long to get dressed"". Ok, someone who wasn't originally invited is taking so long. When I get there, I asked if I were going to call the Uber. To which she replies her mother would do the call. Her mother selects a totally different destination which I automatically noticed given that the driver took an opposite direction to where we should have been headed. The girl says she doesn't have cellphone signal so she asks me to set my phone as a WiFi router. Her mother corrects the destination point and we get there.

  
Time to go home. She says her mother would call the Uber on the way home as well. I waited, waited and waited. I supposed her mother was waiting for the price to lower. Ok. The car arrives and we go to our homes.

  
The next few days, she ghosts me and when I finally get a response from her, she says that ""I saw that he was trying to call her mother"", and that ""I don't know what education you had from your parents, but my mother said that a man must have attitude"". I was in complete shock so I said I was sorry over and over. She didn't flinch. I asked her on another date, promising that it wouldn't happen. No reply from her. Then I never texted her ever again.

  
I went for days without being able to eat and sleep properly. She would have been my first girlfriend. Several weeks after the fact, I realized that I wasn't feeling at will to be near her when her brother was there, and that just like she told me she didn't have any cellphone coverage when the Uber driver took the wrong turn, she could have communicated that to me.

  
But those are my opinions. I would like to know yours. I apologize in advance if something wasn't worded correctly, as English is not my first language.",I can't make heads nor tail of the story but date someone your own age
My (30F) boyfriend (29M) and I just found a woman he slept with back in April of 2025 had a baby and didn’t tell him till it was born. I  angry even though the baby was conceived before we got together. AITAH?,I moved across states from Maryland to Texas to live with my boyfriend we’ve been together going on 6 months but have known each other for 2 years. Recently a woman from before we dated hit him up saying a baby she gave birth to could be his.. didn’t tell him she was pregnant or anything the entire 9 months. In fact she took a plan that he bought after their encounter.. the woman also stated she got an abortion but said that it didn’t work and it only terminated one of the babies because she was pregnant with twins… all of this sounds like a bunch of bs to me. I feel as though she didn’t even take the plan b. He told me she mentioned wanting a child and had just got out of a 5 yr relationship with a man in which she couldn’t have a child with. Anyway he got a paternity test and turns out the baby is his. I feel sick. He already has two kids from a previous relationship and I have one daughter from a previous relationship. I really wanted us to start off fresh and do things the right way. Marriage first babies after and it feels like this puts a huge dent in things now that he is the father to an entire new born. I definitely cussed him out pretty badly and called him names I will admit…Not to mention he keeps downplaying the situation and acting like it’s not a big deal but I feel like it’s a defense mechanism for him.. I also should mention I got pregnant late last year and had an abortion in September with his baby.. I handled it all by myself was bleeding for months and he wasn’t even there for me I feel emotionally or mentally. Am I the asshole?,"He’s not the one for you. It doesn’t even sounds like he cares about you considering the last couple of sentences. I know you sacrificed everything so far, but think of how much more you’ll sacrifice until you’ve had enough. The baby isn’t the issue, but this isn’t the situation you want and you know it."
AITAH for ending a friendship after my best friend admitted her love for me was conditional?,"I (22F) recently ended a friendship with my best friend, and I can’t tell if I overreacted or finally respected myself.

Maya was the first friend I made in college. We became extremely close freshman year, and I supported her through several traumatic situations. Later, we lived in one large dorm room with another friend, Elena, for about a year and a half. The three of us had normal petty fights over the years, but nothing major.

One thing that always pissed me off was during breaks and holidays, Maya almost always chose to go to Elena’s house instead of mine. Maya lived far away and couldn’t afford to fly home for all the college breaks. I was often told I was just “too sensitive” so I never brought up how this hurt me.

Over the summer, Elena texted us that she might not return to school, then ended up coming back. I told her I wished she’d talk to me about things like that in person instead of over text. The next semester, she dropped out and again told us via text on the first day of classes.

Fast forward to Easter, both Elena and I invited Maya to our homes. While I was on FaceTime with my parents, Maya told me she was going to Elena’s. She framed it as needing to see whether Elena was coming back the following year because they had signed a lease together (I wasn’t part of that lease because I chose to live alone). I was hurt, especially since I hadn’t seen Elena in months and Maya had barely seen her either.

That day, I got very drunk and ranted to Maya about Elena. I don’t remember everything I said and I know I took some low blows. What I do remember saying was that it felt like Elena got a free pass for being a bad friend by blaming anxiety and depression, while my emotions were constantly dismissed as me being “too much.” I’m not proud of how I handled it.

That same day, Maya told me she loved me unconditionally and would always be there for me — but asked that I not rant about Elena anymore. I agreed and deeply apologized that I had put Maya in an awkward situation.

After Easter, Maya became distant. About a month later, after my parents and I helped her move her belongings into storage and brought her dinner, I finally asked why she’d been acting strange. She laughed at first, then admitted that her love for me was actually conditional. Those conditions were basically only going out drinking together, continuing a radio show we hosted and hanging out sometimes. She also said our friendship was “hyper-dependent.”

I told her I wasn’t okay with that and ended the friendship. She immediately tried to backtrack, saying how much we had in common and how great of a person I was, but I felt like you can’t take something like that back.

Even after that, I still helped her move a few last things the next day and bought her coffee. When she tried to hug me goodbye, I stepped back, and told her “See you in class. Safe travels”. I’ve never heard from her since.

I know I wasn’t perfect, and I regret ranting while drunk. But I also feel like I spent years being pushed aside and having my sensitivity used against me, only to be told outright that the love I was told was unconditional wasn’t.

So… AITAH for walking away after that?",NAH you seem controlling of your friends to an unhealthy degree (she can go where she pleases during breaks) but at the same time a lot of what you said is very real and you’re fair to be upset about the drifting apart over time. No need to continue the friendship but worth self-reflecting on
AITAH for wanting to break up with my boyfriend for being too clingy?,"My boyfriend (16M) and I (16F) recently started a relationship about a week ago, and it was okay for the first day...

For context, we were friends for a little under three years before this, and we've seen each other through many different relationships. Whenever he's had a breakup, I've been there to comfort him.

I got out of a ""situationship"" with a girl a couple of months ago. I want to say around september and it was Rough. Honestly, I think it was the only time I have ever felt ""inlove"", and I know that doesn\`t mean much at my age, but I don\`t even know if I\`m over her, and that's where the problem lies i think.

back to the boyfriend, whom we\`ll call ""Isaac""   
Isaac is the sweetest and funniest guy I know, and honestly i enjoy talking to him, and we really have the greatest friendship, and I kinda developed a ""crush?""  
The thing is, when we started dating, he just did a 360, and he's been so much so quickly, and I feel like he\`s moving too fast, talking about a future life and how we\`ll be when were married and all of that   
And he\`s said, ""Don\`t cheat on me, with no apparent reason?

But I also can\`t help but feel like this is also just me, a part of me feels disgusting because here I have a good relationship, and I\`m turning it away because I can't just like boys like a normal girl",It sounds like he is slowly showing you red flags that he will be a very controlling partner. Its probably best if you end things as early as possible if you’re already feeling uncomfortable this early on!
"AITAH for telling my buddy that his on-again, off-again girlfriend is abusive toward him?","I (28M) told my longtime friend and current roommate (29M) that I believe his on-again, off-again girlfriend is emotionally and financially abusive toward him, and now things are tense. I’m wondering if I crossed a line.

I’ve known this guy since we were 16. He owns his home, has equity, works hard in the restaurant industry, and is financially savvy. Smart guy, good heart, like a brother to me. I’ve been living at his place for over a year.

I’ve known his girlfriend for about five years. We were fine at first, but her manipulative behavior eventually made that impossible. After I refused to continue a friendship with her, she slowly pushed him to distance himself from me. The cold shoulder came gradually, but it was deliberate. It hurt.

Over the years, I’ve watched patterns that deeply concern me:

• She won’t allow him to watch shows, movies, or play games if women are even mildly sexualized.
• During a video game boss fight, she literally covered his eyes because the character looked “too feminine.”
• She discourages him from going to the gym because she’s afraid he’ll look better and leave her.
• If she doesn’t get her way, she isolates him and wears him down until he caves.
• When he pulls back or sets boundaries, she suddenly claims her mental health is so bad she wants to hurt herself, which pulls him back in out of fear.
• She wants the freedom to hook up with women, but he isn’t allowed the same. He acts nonchalant, but he’s monogamous at heart and it clearly affects him.

Financially, it’s bad:

• He spent at least $20k on her last year alone.
• He helped her open loans and signed as guarantor for her apartment because she didn’t qualify.
• He paid thousands for an overseas trip she took alone.
• He covered her dog and vet bills even though she can’t afford the dog herself.

They lived together for six months. (BTW been on and off again for 3 years) She moved out about 1.5 years ago, but keeps the relationship on an on-again, off-again cycle that feels more about control than love.

If he doesn’t give her attention, she posts provocative content online knowing he’ll see it.

Recently, after watching him grow more exhausted and withdrawn, I finally told him that from the outside, this looks abusive. I told him I was worried about him and that everyone around him sees the same thing.

He didn’t blow up, but he shut down. Things have been colder since. I know it’s his relationship, and I know adults make their own choices, but watching someone you care about slowly disappear is brutal.

So, AITA for saying something instead of staying out of it?

TL;DR: My longtime friend is in a controlling, financially draining, on-again off-again relationship. After years of watching it take a toll on him, I told him I think his girlfriend is abusive. Now things are tense and I’m wondering if I should have kept my mouth shut.


",NTA- You're looking out for your friend because you care about him. She sounds awful.
AITAH for sitting by a stop sign?,"i'm 25f. i walk to work through a residential neighborhood. i'm not able to afford a car right now. unfortunately, i also have asthma. the halfway mark of my walk is a stop sign that is at a corner of a street. it isn't on anyone's property. the closest house is like 25 or 30 feet away? but i'm like, not actively sitting on someone's yard or property. it's just to sit for two or three minutes so i can catch my breath.

well, i did my walk today and was sat for only a minute when one of the neighbors came out. she told me i was 'loitering' and 'can't sit there' and that she'd call the cops next time. i tried to explain but i was out of breath and she was steam rolling me. i ended up crying, lol. 

aitah for sitting by the stop sign? was she right? i always worried someone may see me and think im weird or up to no good, so this was like... a nightmare scenario for me. i have bad social anxiety and i'm just tired and worried now.","That neighbor sounds like a real piece of work. You're on public property catching your breath, not loitering. Some people just need to mind their own business."
AITAH for not seeing a man anymore because he does not resemble my late fiancé,"I (36F) have been single for about 8 years now. My last relationship was with a man, changing his name for the sake of privacy, Adam. We had known each other for about a year before we starting dating when I was 20, and we were happily together for the next 8 years. Unfortunately, 3 months after Adam proposed, he got in a car accident with a drunk driver who swerved into him and he passed away on scene. Adam was an unforgettable man. I struggle to this day to describe just how amazing he was, and how much he meant to me and everyone surrounding him. He was and is one of those people that brings a smile to people's face at the mere mention of him. I often made sure to remind him how he was a light to everyone who was lucky enough to cross paths with him. Adam was my absolute best friend and the love of my life. After he passed I was an absolute wreck. To this day I am an absolute wreck. I have however, gotten to a point where I'm living my life, grieving always, but living. I see my friends, I travel, I have a decent enough job. Now to where the title comes in. About a year ago due to encouragement from some friends, I started to try dating again. My heart wasn't quite in it but I figured it would be a disservice to myself if I didn't at least try. Most connections didn't leave the dating apps spare maybe 2 or 3 before I met this man, we'll call him Preston. He is a genuinely kind man, he's passionate about his work and hobbies, and overall pleasant to be around. We had been seeing each other for about 3 months before last week I finally broke. In the time we had been dating, I was having a good time, but I was finding it impossible to not feel this gnawing guilt. Not because of feeling like I'm moving on from Adam, but because of the opposite. Every little thing, every small moment with Preston, I was looking for bits of Adam. I wanted to hear the way he wheezed when he was laughing, I wanted to see his smile lines. I wanted Preston to hold me like Adam did, to look at me the way Adam did. But I found none of that in him, because he's not Adam. And I had been feeling so guilty for continuing to see this perfectly kind man when he cannot compare in my mind to someone he's never met. So last week I decided to pull the plug on our fling, and with honesty. I explained why I couldn't do it anymore. Preston was incredibly patient to start and said he understood. Then moments later, he started trying to persuade me, saying I need to move on with someone like him to be truly happy. This rubbed me the wrong way, and I told him that I am settled right now in my realization that I do not want and cannot handle someone filling that Adam sized hole in my life, that I am content in continuing to learn how to heal it myself. I apologized one more time before leaving because I truly did feel guilty about it and had gotten to my limit in handling that conversation without tears. Cut to yesterday when I started receiving anonymous DMs from various accounts telling me that I'm a whore that leads people on, that I'm going to die a miserable bitch. I immediately messaged Preston about the messages asking if it was him and he apologized saying his friends are crazy and immature and that he will talk to them. I haven't gotten any new messages since yesterday but it has me wondering if I'm an asshole for continuing to see him when I could already feel I wasn't going to be able to handle it much longer, then breaking it off when he had gotten attached. Or should I have stuck it out to see if I could learn to be happy with someone new, that maybe over time I would stop comparing. It's moments like these I wish Adam was here to consult and comfort. Instead I'm here looking to hear advice outside of my circle of support who I know always has my back. ","Therapy first, then relationships."
WIBTAH if I told my cousin I don’t want to be around her because of all her lying?,"Additional tag: mention of bad mental health/crisis

So my cousin has a history of lying to the point multiple people throughout the years have told me the same story that almost never lines up with hers.

She’s lied about plotting to date someone to lying about what the mental health professionals were doing while she was in crisis. I’m tired of her constantly lying and to be honest I have no idea when she’s telling the truth or not anymore. I don’t want to be around her and it’s draining when I am. Every time I come close to telling her off and confronting her something happens, she starts sobbing to me about her family or talking about how she’s been struggling again. She has BPD and a history of depression, so I don’t want to just abandon her. I told her I’d always be there for her and she just needs to reach out, but man we’ve been doing this circus act since I was 17 and she was 15.

She’s 18 now, been with abusive boyfriends, drinking since she was like 14 I think, and just has had it rough overall. I wish it was different but she’s non-stop lying and boasting about herself.

 It’s gotten to the point I only see her like once every three months, usually it’s just for drinking, because I can only handle being around her for long periods of time when I’m under the influence. I’m not the only one either, there used to be a group of us, but either no one can stand being around her, people broke up, or people are in relationships. I think I might be one of the only ones left. 

She’s started lying a lot though, she told our 16 year old cousin that she was plotting to get with one of her best friends and wasn’t going to let him get back with his ex before she went to visit him, then told me she wanted to stay single for a while. She immediately got with him next time she visited him.

She said her last relationship just ‘got bad’ and ‘life happened’ but she was telling one of our friends she was cheating on her boyfriend while in line for a plane, so someone else heard and told my brother, and that friend she told them came to me and told me what happened. 

She told me that the guy she was cheating on her boyfriend with told her he was ‘scared of how genuine she is’ and that he ‘was scared he would fall in love’ but he wanted nothing to do with her after they had their fling.

She told the same 16 year old cousin not to go to one of two mental health counsellors in our town because she ‘walked out’ while she was in crisis, then said she wasn’t there when she even got into the building, and kept changing her story about it.

Hell she even told me she has a dent in her head from her ex hitting her and denting her skull but apparently it didn’t cause brain damage?

I’m just tired of being the one she always spews stuff onto. I tried to help her out and be there for her, but she keeps lying to me. I can confront her but my family literally takes up like a quarter of my town (my graduating class was four people) so I’m not sure what I can do or how to approach this.","What do you really want to accomplish?

Protecting your peace or changing her behavior?

The only behavior you can actually control is your own. It sounds like your cousin can benefit from some help and some support. It sounds like you’ve already attempted at least to confront her. Well, an actual confrontation change her behavior? I doubt it. It sounds like you need to protect your peace and that means separating yourself from her if she needs help you can be available to provide support and help, but she will change when she’s ready to change and not when you are ready for her to change. I don’t think you need to say anything. It’s what you need to do. Do what is safe to protect your peace."
AITAH for confronting my friend about her behavior?,"I (young adult Female) live with my family. A girl I’m close to (also a young adult female) is currently staying with us because she’s going through a rough situation. My family has been really kind and supportive to her.

But since she moved in, I feel like I’ve been treated really badly.

She makes jokes about my mom, who passed away. I know I sometimes laugh it off, but it actually hurts a lot. I have diagnosed PTSD, and part of it comes directly from losing my mom. Even if I make a dark joke about my own trauma, that doesn’t mean other people get to. I would never joke about something that serious for someone else. She didn’t even know my mom, and if she had, she wouldn’t be saying these things.

I also haven’t been sleeping. She’s on the phone all night, the walls are thin, and I already struggle with sleep because of PTSD and being neurodivergent. In the mornings, her alarm goes off for like 10+ minutes and she doesn’t wake up, which keeps me up even longer. Sleep is really important for my mental health and school, and it feels like that doesn’t matter to her.

I have a lot of sensory issues. I don’t like being touched and I need personal space, but she gets really close to me a lot. Certain sounds really overwhelm me (heavy breathing, smacking, etc.), and I have really bad emetophobia. And she really doesn’t know personal space, she’ll get close and I’ll step back from her and she’ll get closer. She’ll come in my room and just press her face against my arm and rest her chin on my shoulder. She also calls me “stupid,” “annoying,” and refers to me as her “annoying little sister,” which makes me feel disrespected and small even though I’m just a year younger than her and reminder…she’s living in my house.

Honestly, I feel bullied in my own house. I tried being vulnerable with her, and at one point she physically pushed me out of “her” room when all I wanted to do was hang out. It’s only been a week and I already dread coming home. I don’t feel like we’re friends anymore — I feel like a nuisance in my own home, where she is the guest.

There was also a situation where I was awake because of her alarm, and I could clearly hear her doing something VERY private for about 30 minutes. I never consented to hearing that and it made me extremely uncomfortable. I don’t understand why she thought that was okay, especially knowing I was awake.

I finally told her I need boundaries for the next few months. I don’t want things to be awkward, but if this keeps happening, my family is going to have to get involved, and there’s a real chance she won’t be able to stay with us anymore.

So… AITAH for setting boundaries and saying something needs to change?

TL;DR: A girl staying in my house makes jokes about my dead mom, messes with my sleep, ignores my sensory boundaries, calls me names, and makes me feel bullied. I finally set boundaries and said things can’t keep going like this.",Dude just kick her out.  She's an asshole who doesn't give a shit about you.
AITAH for refusing to build a sister relationship with my eldest sister after she failed me multiple times?,"My (22F) eldest sister (32F) is not someone I personally like. There's another post about her on my profile so I don't need to explain why. Recently, she apologized to me about stuff she did wrong in the past but she mostly talked about herself and her own experience instead of even acknowledging why I was hurt with her. She woke me up in the middle of a nap to apologize so I just agreed with whatever she said an went back to sleep. 

Recently, she's been trying to talk to me too much, but she does it the complete wrong way. She keeps saying ""older siblings are meant to annoy their youngest siblings"", which would be true if we were kids and not full grown adults. I'm autistic and she INSISTS in touching me and purposefully making me have sensory overloads with, again, the purpose of annoying me, and then laugh when I clearly disliked it. Sometimes when we're eating on the table with family she suddently says ""OP, I can't stand hearing you talking anymore"" when I'm too quiet. Everyone laughs and I hate being the center of attention. Twice now with family she interrupted me eating to say ""well, let's go wash the dishes OP, let's give grandma some rest"" and when I refused because I was still eating, our mom and grandma scolded me.

After all this was done in the spam of 3 months, I decided to just stay locked in my room either playing or studying whenever I'm home so I don't run into her. Recently, though, she did something ridiculous. I was at our middle sister's (26F) house and slept there because she wanted to watch a show with me and eat some pizza. I came back only 2 days later and the kitchen was a complete mess. I ignored it, my eldest sister made the mess so she should clean it. But she messaged our mom (mom was at her boyfriend's farm for some days) saying I was the one who made a big mess on our kitchen and should clean it.

That made me angry and I sent my eldest sister a message with photos attached pointing what was her mess and what was mine (mine was a single cup I drank tea and forgot to wash before going to our middle sister's house). I told her in the message ""you want to build a sister relationship with me but insists in purposefully annoying me at all times, shaming me in front of family and blaming me for stuff you did. You lost your last chance"" and blocked her everywhere. She hasn't returned home since I sent that message.

Our mom is blaming me for her not returning, she showed me messages with my eldest sister in which she said it was our mom's fault I blocked her and she needed to solve this. I got mad at our mom too and just told her to not get involved in this, ignore her too because whatever she says won't change how I view my useless sister. She's still bothering me about this issue, our middle sister says I'm right, my best friend too but ou mom saying I should apologize and unblock her is making me wonder if I'm actually wrong. AITAH?",NTA your sister is and your mum is complicit and enabling her insufferable behaviour …. Don’t apologise
WIBTAH if I told my brother that his wife might have HPD?,"Details changed, burner account to avoid ID

To be clear, I (35F) am not a psychologist, and I’m not trying to ‘armchair diagnose’ her (30F). With that understood, I do see an alarming number of behaviors that seem to line up with the common reported manifestations of Histrionic Personality Disorder.  

I believe that bringing this up to my brother (33M) will be beneficial to everyone involved, but I’m not sure if that’s considered AH behavior or not. 

I don’t know if my reasons for suspecting HPD are relevant for judgement here, but here are some examples just in case:

- Exaggerates stories of things that have happened to herself and other people. These exaggerations escalate and change with each retelling of the same story. 

- Seems to NEED to be the main character of her friend group. This is recognized by said friend group, who have already developed coping strategies to deal with this 

- Needs to be involved in every conversation, regardless of context. She appears visibly anxious when anyone is talking about/doing something that she’s not involved with. Not being at the center of conversation appears to be viscerally intolerable to her.

- Infantilizes himself around her husband, who responds by excessively doting on and reassuring her for hours 

- Mimics others’ behavior, clothing, speech patterns, etc 

- Very preoccupied with personal appearance - has had elective(not medically indicated) jaw surgery, and brings up weight/diet constantly 

- If someone respectfully and politely offers an alternative to her opinion or way of doing things, she gets disproportionately offended and IRATE. To the point of needing to be talked down from ending friendships over trivial disagreements.

- Frequently apologizes for things that dont require apologies, and appears to need constant praise/reassurance

- Seems to make decisions solely based around what others opinions will be

- Constantly interrupts people in conversation

I think that highlighting the similarities between HPD diagnostic criteria and his wife’s behaviors will allow my brother to understand her better and ultimately get her some therapeutic help tailored to addressing these issues. 

That said, I don’t want to upset my brother (or his wife), and if doing so would make me an AH, I won’t bring it up.",">I (35F) am not a psychologist

Then shut the fuck up."
AITAH for telling my sister she should move out if she doesn’t like that me and my other sister disagree on her controlling what happens in our shared room?,"I (14f) have two sisters (18F & 10F). I share a room with my older sister (let’s call her A) and my younger sister (B). I’ve been sharing a room with them since the moment I was born. It’s frustrating since one’s an adult now, I’m a teenager and B is a pre-teen. But here’s the problem. A always tell B and I that it’s not just our room, and I understand that it’s not just my room, but it’s not just hers either.   


Me and B don’t like when the window is open (keep in mind it’s winter and it’s cold), and it’s especially hard for B since her bed is right by the window and it’s colder at night than it is during the day. I don’t like it either. I don’t mind if it’s cracked because our room does tend to get a little hot some nights, but A likes to open it more then it already is. Whenever I confront her about she’ll say that it’s not just my room. I’ve been trying to ignore it but today I kind of snapped because I’m getting frustrated. I told her that it’s not just her room either, and right now 2 out of 3 people agree that the window should be closed or cracked at night.



I told her that if she doesn’t like that the window is closed then she should start saving money to move out, but I think it was a little mean, but I’m not sure since she says way worse things to me and B.   


So, AITA for finally snapping?","A thinks she's entitled because she's the oldest. I'm wondering, though, why isn't her bed the one that's right by the window?  
You are NTA."
AITAH for calling a boy “chopped”? Who do you agree with—Lilly or Thea and Samantha?,"It started in English class when we told Samantha to check our group doc and look at J’s picture (a guy Lilly has been talking to). After class, no one was saying anything, so Amanda joked that he was “chopped.” Samantha immediately said it was “plain cruel,” that the convo was irking her, and left. Thea said something and left too.

Amanda went to work on a project, leaving Lilly alone in the doc. When Samantha and Thea came back, they ganged up on Lilly, calling her and Alex cruel and acting like they had told J to his face. Lilly said it may have been rude, but not cruel, and Samantha shut that down. Lilly called Carmen for support, and Carmen joined with her sister Madison. They explained it was a simple mistake and not a big deal.

Samantha brought religion into it, which Lilly questioned, since everyone has different beliefs. Thea talked about being raised differently, and Lilly responded that everyone was. Lilly then pointed out that everyone has talked badly about someone before, including their parents, which made Samantha and Thea mad.

Thea insisted J needed to know, so we sent him the doc. J didn't really even care, and said it wasn’t a big deal. Despite that, Thea kept arguing and wanted Madison and Carmen gone. Samantha left the group, saying we were a bad influence, but later came back, accepted apologies, and left respectfully.

Amanda returned and explained she’d been overwhelmed and had a panic attack because of the situation. She called out Thea for being hypocritical about gossip and criticized Samantha for leaving the group instead of calmly addressing the issue. Amanda apologized directly to J and said he didn’t deserve the comment.

Even after that, Thea continued acting like the victim. Lilly, Carmen, and Madison made a copy of the doc to talk privately, and Carmen and Madison decided to stop being friends with Samantha and Thea. A call was later held with Lilly, Amanda, and Thea, where Thea complained about trust, contradicted herself, used unnecessary slang, and made everything about her. Lilly pointed out that this was the group’s first argument and Thea and Samantha were already leaving.

The next day, Thea refused to resolve things, deleted the doc, and removed access for everyone (she owned the doc). On 1/12/26, Lilly asked for the doc back to show her mom, but Thea ignored her and laughed on camera. In class, Thea made petty comments and implied the group had just been a distraction to her.

Now, only Lilly, Amanda, Carmen, and Madison are still friends. They stayed calm, apologized and tried to resolve things, and showed maturity, while Samantha and Thea escalated the situation and cut people off.

**TL;DR:**  
 A joke calling a boy “chopped” turned into a massive conflict. Samantha and Thea called people cruel, brought religion into it, escalated the situation, and refused to resolve it—even after J said he wasn’t upset. Amanda had a panic attack from the stress. In the end, Samantha and Thea left, while Lilly, Amanda, Carmen, and Madison stayed and proved they were real friends.

","NTA, if ur friends overreacted over a simple joke, it's a good thing u guys aren't friends anymore."
WIBTAH if I cut off one of my closest friends?,"Hi y'all,

So basically, me (23M), and one for my closest  friends (25M) joined a small group of people who were playing Among Us (hard to explain, search it up ty).

I know what I did was wrong but I decided I'd start messing about with the other players, not ruining the game exactly but making it a bit more entertaining for me. We still won all the rounds as crewmates. I made sure not to take it too far, and did my bit to make sure we won.

I told my one friend about me messing around and they said that they found it funny. Then he goes to the host of the group, talking about how I'm ""hacking"" the game. He goes on to insult me horribly to her, all behind my back by the way (keep in mind he's my closest friend and we spend lots of time together)

She decides to give me one more chance to stop messing around. I apologised and started playing properly, but I didn't know that my friend was constantly insulting me behind my back, while also complimenting me over how well I'm doing to my face.

When I found out to the extent I was being insulted (remember he's my closest friend), I immediately distanced myself from him. I thought the group just held the past against me, but it turned out he was messaging all of them about me, while being nice to me to my face.

The other people also found out he was doing the same to them, complimenting them to their faces while tearing them down in front of others. Not sure how relevant this is but he'll mostly message girls, talking trash about guys to them. Maybe he's just doing it for some attention from them? Idk.

They all got him into a group call and one by one called him out for being fake and how his behaviour was horrible. This is when I found out for the past 2 months he's been talking trash about me, basically since the beginning of when we first joined the group.

I was sent screenshots of what he was saying about me, but I've kept them to myself for now and haven't confronted him personally yet.

The other things he did were also so bad, he immediately got banned from the group, and blocked by everyone.

So reddit, now that I have these screenshots, what should I do? WIBTAH if i cut him off? 

Also just to note, we work together, although I'm part time, and we go to the same football session together, once a week. Also this isn't the first time he has done stuff like this, since this one was aimed at me personally, this time I'm taking action. 

How should I respond guys? He's 25 acting like this?","Wrong sub.  Not an advice sub.  This sub is to tell whether you're an asshole or not.  I'm going with YTA (You're the asshole).  You are 23, yet I thought you were 13 before I read your age.  Let that one sink in."
AITAH for wanting to break up with my boyfriend because I don’t see him in my future?,"I (20F) am in a 10-month relationship with my boyfriend (20M). I love him, but lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my future and I honestly don’t see him in it. I don’t even see anyone in it, and that makes me feel really guilty.

I come from an upper middle class family and I’m the second eldest. My family is very strict and toxic, and most of my decisions are controlled by them. They’re not open to mental health problems at all, even though, ironically, they’re the reason I struggle mentally in the first place. There’s no space for me to talk about how I feel without being judged or dismissed.

I’ve been caught twice before having a boyfriend, and both times my family’s reaction was really bad. Because of that, I can’t introduce my current boyfriend to my family. They don’t want me to be in a relationship at all, and I’m honestly scared of what would happen if they found out again.

On the other hand, my boyfriend comes from a lower middle class family and has a lot more freedom. His family already knows me and they like me, which makes me feel worse because I feel like I’m hiding him and not giving him what he deserves.

I’m also scared of marriage and having a family. Growing up, my parents always argued in front of us. Even though my dad is an OFW and my mom is busy with work, they were “there but not there.” Because of that, I’m scared of ending up in a toxic marriage like theirs. I’m not mentally stable right now, and I don’t trust myself to be a good partner or parent.

I’ve already told my boyfriend that I don’t want to get married or have kids. He wants a family someday because he’s an only child, and he said maybe I’ll change my mind in the future. But I’ve already accepted that I don’t want a marriage partner or kids at all. My cats are enough for me.

Right now, I feel stuck between my family, my mental state, and my boyfriend’s expectations. I love him, but I don’t want to hurt him more by staying when I know I can’t give him the future he wants or even openly include him in my life.

AITA for wanting to break up with him even though nothing bad happened and his family already likes me?","Well, are you currently happy with your boyfriend? All of your thoughts seem to be dictated by trauma. OK, for the future, but right now, is he the good person for you?"
"AITAH dinner date 8:30, as that time rolled around I told him my uber was running a little later, I get there about 8:50. Guy tells me he’s been there since 8 and is a little astonished I’m not apologizing. I told him I’m not apologizing for something I’m not sorry for.",\[AITAH\],"YTA. He was super early. That was his choice. You were late. That’s on you, and it wouldn’t have hurt anything to say “I’m sorry.”  Next time, order your Uber earlier. "
My (32M) GF (29F) and I have been having issues and fights and I need advice. AITAH for causing these problems or is this on her?,"My (32M) GF (29F) and I have been together for almost 10 months. We met on Hinge and had an almost instant connection and level of familiarity & closeness with each other. We talked for an entire week with each other before meeting for our first date the following weekend. When we were on our first date, we both said things like, “wow it feels like I’ve missed you rather than meeting you for the first time” Just felt right with each other. She was very direct, respectful, calm, and just lovely to talk to. We had a great first date and we slept together. Again, she was very honest and direct about what she was looking for.. and said she doesn’t want to sleep with/date multiple people at once. I thought that was admirable as I also don’t like the idea of sleeping/dating multiple at once. So I agreed to that. We continued hanging out and I really enjoyed spending time with her. However, I for whatever reason didn’t pursue as I normally would? Maybe bc it seemed like our connection was so unique, but we just hung out as if we’d known each other for ages, not really elaborate dates. Here is where I wasn’t really a good person. I was true to not sleeping with others. But, I kind of continued to act single. Granted, it was still early (only weeks in) but I went out with friends, got waitresses numbers, random girls numbers, texted them, etc. I knew in my heart I wanted nothing to do with them. But I continued to engage, almost out of insecurity I guess. When we were sitting together, I would scroll through my photos, knowing there were raunchy/NSFW pics of me and/or other girls that sent me pics or I screenshotted or something. If I’m being honest with myself now, I think it was because I was insecure and wanted her to know I was a guy that partied. That got women and that was wanted. It’s pathetic bc… while thats true… I think she could have known that was the case. But I was stupid and pushed it in her face. She was pretty gentle and almost was smirking a bit at first. But then I took it further. I told her about how there’s cute girl at my work. I made it known that I still have ex’s nudes on my phone. Looked up former girls on IG that I slept with. This started to really eat at her and then fights started. After some months, I truly did reflect and I basically explained all of this to her. That I was being an ass and I 100% see how this would affect someone. I wanted to make it right. I offered to just delete my IG for a while while we work on regaining trust. I promised to get less jumpy on my phone and not freak out if she wanted to look at something on it. We would make really good progress, but there would be bumos and hiccups on the way. This girl really does do everything for me. She does 90% of the housework (laundry, cleaning, supplies, etc.) Cooking is one thing we really do share kinda 50/50. She gets fed up with that at times, which I fully agree with and understand. And I try to do more. She is very Type A and gets started on it when I don‘t even realize sometimes, at odd hours even. Anyway, to this day we are dealing with trust issues/jealousy. I can confidently say that I haven’t been doing anything bad to her for months now and nothing behind her back. I have been overly transparent with her. (i.e. if someone adds me on social media, I show her for example). Another issue has been porn. In a way, I realize its good to cut that out as it can be not great for people. So I want to say yes to going away with it, but then at times I bring it up and ask why it bothers her even in the first place and we fight. We have had many many fights. Never fully physical, but there’s been times where accidental scratches or grabs happened. She does yell a lot and has a way of escalating. Just recently she got angry and threw my desk chair into a wall and then knocked a picture off my wall and glass shattered…



I was very shaken up and the police came. They talked to both of us and we both defended each other. The argument stemmed from me saying that I agree trust it’s important and not lying, but that also prying and digging into every little detail of my personal life is just asking to get hurt. Basically I am saying and asking for her to trust me to have common sense about what is hurtful vs. what is acceptable in a relationship. How do we move forward? Please help.","ESH. You set the foundation for the trust issues early on, but the level of control, escalation and physical outbursts you’re describing now suggests the relationship has moved into a space where neither of you feels safe or stable anymore."
AITAH for having fun while my partner is trying to give me the silent treatment?,"I (30f) have been in way too many relationships with passive aggressive people pleasers. Years of therapy have FINALLY paid off and I’m starting to realize some things and do things differently.

My partner (30m) is mad at me. I have a pretty good idea why and it’s not something I did nor do I have any control over the situation (I’m sick and he’s upset I took time off work to rest). He’s been sulking around the house randomly standing in the room I’m in for a few seconds (waiting for me to ask him what’s wrong I think) and then walking away and holing up in the room playing video games for hours. It’s very clearly the silent treatment. He believes it’s my fault he’s upset and he wants me to fix it.

In the past, getting the silent treatment would have really hurt my feelings and I would have gone and tried to smooth things out, which probably would have led to a few hours of talking about feelings and boundaries. Which is utterly exhausting, especially when it happens multiple times a week.

But this time… I just don’t want to. So I let him sulk. And I hang out in the living room watching movies, talking to friends, playing games, and just trying to have a good time.

He just got home from running errands and I was listening to some fun hype music and having fun. He walked straight to the room and didn’t say hi or try to start a conversation.

So AITAH for knowing my partner is upset and not initiating a conversation? And for not being bothered by the silent treatment?

(If it’s relevant, he was sick first for two weeks and he ignored my advice and got mad at me for offering things that help. I was a elementary school teacher so I have a dedicated sick routine born from experience and the advice of doctors and coworkers. I woke up sick yesterday and immediately went into recovery mode - drinking tons of tea with honey and lemon, meds, nasal rinses, etc. I’m already feeling a lot better today but I can tell I need at least one more day of rest to fight it off or I’ll end up being sick much longer)",No and you are being healthy. Silent treatment is toxic. You are allowed to set boundaries and this is a good one. Not engaging in toxicity.
AITAH For Not Wanting My Players To Use AI?,"I recently started a new campaign for some of my family and close family friends. All of them have played dnd before, as my brother had been the dm for the last campaign before having to take a break.

I made an entire custom world and campaign to work with, since I wanted to make the experience something special, and asked everyone to let me help them with their characters if the knowledge I provided wasn’t enough to work with, and that I didn’t want them to use ai (especially since it wouldn’t know anything about the world).

Well, one of the players (family friend) sends me a backstory clearly made by ai that rips from harry potter HEAVILY, and doesn’t follow the established rules of the world.

My gripe with this stems from my dislike of generative ai in general, the fact that I now have to pick through the slop to make a harry potter ripoff work in my world, the implication that this player just doesn’t care about the story enough to even write her own character, and finally, that she ignored my request to contact me for help. (Not to mention the fact that I’m a game design student being overlooked in my own campaign)

When I told this to my mom, who is also playing, she said that it was unfair to ask the family friend to actually make her character, since creativity wasn’t her strong suit, and that it was kind enough that she was participating at all.

Which, if we’re going this route, then I would think that I’m also being kind by building an entire campaign since they all wanted to continue playing dnd while my brother is out, but I want to get other people’s opinions on if I should just drop it or not since it’s hard to think straight in these types of situations.

So, AITA? ",You can lay out rules but if you are expecting everyone to adhere to them 100% expect to lose players
AITAH for ending a 14 year friendship?,"
Over the years, I have always provided free therapy. I reassure, comfort and gave advice that was nearly never listened to. I classified this person as my bestfriend. It all came to a head when she wouldn't stop asking to see me. I understand why she wanted to, it'd been a while but when her life was busy she didn't give a crud and bailed more often than not when we had plans. 

It has been since last summer we saw each other, we talked everyday though. My husband and I had a miscarriage in July, it was confirmed the day before my mom told me a family member very suddenly passed away. I was still having symptoms, my husband and I were both dealing with loss. It wasn't easy, on top of that at the time we were also dealing with police because of HER ex boyfriend threatening my husband for liking a photo. Her ex went as far as to say he didn't care if he was out with our toddler and I or even just our toddler, he was going to beat him up. He threatened with a gun (she said was fake at the time then later said he also has a real one!) For some reason she didn't understand the anger with that and was upset when I asked for space.

Not long afterwards I became pregnant again, I immediately went back into having symptoms and was extremely sick (16lbs in less than a month) I didn't have much energy. At the time my husband and I were also working out of the city on a very exhausting job. My free time came down to spending it with my toddler and family things (big family with a terminal brother so its important to me for that time together) in September my grandpa suddenly started to decline. By November, he passed and it also felt quite sudden. I watched my mom's bestfriend, my aunts bestfriend both come to the service. My ""bestfriend"" didn't bother asking when it was, I told her and she saw my mom's post about it.

She chose to bug me the DAY of my grandpas funeral about seeing each other again, I gave a short answer then later explained why I did. Basically saying that it quite hurt that she didn't even ask how I was feeling, well that set her off and she started blaming me for never seeing her. I decided to say fuck it in that moment and told her I was done. The most we've spoken is she updated that her ex was finally going to jail on the charges. 

Everybody I've talked to about it said it was the better thing to do, I know I wasn't perfect but I've honestly felt lighter since ending the friendship. There's been more peace in my life but I'm curious, strangers of reddit did I overreact? 



TLDR; I ended a 14 year one-sided friendship because she wasn't really there for me and still bugged me about seeing each other the day of my grandpa's burial without even asking how I was. Her ex also threatened my husband's life. This was the last straw for me and I basically said fuck this. ","You are perfectly aware YNTAH. There’s no reason to think friendships, even very close ones, will (or should) last forever.  This one was already over and you both were just sort of hanging on to a few flimsy threads …….reluctantly on her side.  So just let it be over and remember the fun stuff and don’t mourn the loss as it is simply time to create new ways to fulfill your life at any given time."
AITAH for cutting off my family and becoming a tramp?,"I, 22 Male, just graduated from college before leaving a goodbye letter to my family to go on a journey in which I wanted to end up in Alaska, surviving off the land. I donated the $25,000 my parents had for further education to a charity and didn't inform anyone of my plans. 

Honestly, I think I'm in the right. The structured society that humans live in is nothing but a drag and it's full of lies and materialistic concepts that I cannot tolerate. I believe that the true way to live on planet Earth is to survive off the raw land. 

However, during my journey to Alaska, I met a man up in Salton Springs while hitchhiking. I'll call him R.F. to protect his identity from this website. He doesn't need Fed agents watching his every move. He was a pretty nice fellow; he let me do my laundry at his apartment and fed me decently. He even taught me leatherwork and I made myself a pretty impressive belt. 

The issue is that he's a huge man of family values and would make sure I knew it. One day he lectured me about how I lived my life, similar to many other people I've met, but I shut it down pretty quickly. R.F. was persistent, though. He wanted to help me in one way or another even if he was against it. Real nice guy, honestly. He had pure intentions. He even asked if he could adopt me, but I knew what would come of deep human connections.

As I make my way into Grand Junction after being dropped off by R.F., I've found the time to reflect on my journey. And I can't say I don't have my doubts. Sometimes I think of my sister and dog, and how saddened they might be by my sudden disappearance. Although I can't say I care much for how my parents feel, I feel like I might have been wrong to drop the bomb so quickly and then leave. I don't know if I should send a letter updating them or continue going AWOL.",alexander supertramp fanfic. next!
Aitah- not signing co-habitation agreement,"My spouse and I have been together for 7 years and have a young child

We separated last year for 5 months and got back together and are now sort of realizing that it’s not working out

Nothing hostile, we just aren’t on the same page and we are in a co-parenting relationship vs an actual loving relationship

My spouse makes significantly more than me (they make about 300,000 and I make 60,000)and I have always been more of the behind the scenes person that has supported them faithfully and loyally. When we were separated in the spring I was basically just alone in a basement suite crying feeling like a horrible failure and parent while they were travelling overseas living it up with friends

They put together a cohabitation agreement the other day and basically it says that I would be entitled to absolutely nothing (we have multiple properties that have appreciated significantly in value)

I’m meeting a lawyer next week but basically I’m not going to sign it, knowing that this will doom our relationship

Edit: we are in Canada so the law is pretty clear. I’m just going to make the decision what sets me up in the best possible position as a parent, because I’m not going to feel like I did in the spring ever again

Am I the asshole?","NTA!

There is absolutely no reason to sign this. Don’t do it! I can’t even begin to explain how utterly ridiculous this is. DO NOT DO IT!"
AITAH for correcting a child’s behavior?,"So for context, I work at a movie theatre. The holidays are always absolutely insane. Both because we’re busy and because people are uncharacteristically rude and short with us workers. I’ve been doing this for 10 years, so I can deal with a lot. One thing I will not deal with is blatant disrespect. You won’t be getting your snacks from me.

Maybe 2 days after Christmas, I’m working concessions and a family comes in. They’re a little frazzled and a little rude. Which is fine, it’s a mom and dad and their two kids. 

The first thing their youngest (6-7M) does is come up to the counter and GROWL AT ME. My son is around his age and autistic so I was giving him a lot of grace. The entire time his family was ordering, he was throwing a full blown fit. Yelling everything he wanted at the top of his lungs. Idk about y’all, but if I screamed my order at my parents when I was a kid, I wouldn’t get shit except a short trip back to the car.

They get what they want; a bunch of nachos and drinks. They pay, and then the kid starts freaking out again, saying he wants popcorn. His dad, very flustered, asks me for a small popcorn. I ask if they want butter, and before he can answer, his son screams at me “BUTTER!!!”

I was done with all that attitude right there. I stopped him and talked to the son directly.

“Hey bud, did you know that if you go somewhere to buy something, and you’re rude to the person selling it to you, they don’t have to help you. I don’t HAVE to go get your popcorn right now. So, could you say please?” 

All of the sudden, he goes from the Tasmanian Devil to a little boy again. He pouts his lip, and very sweetly, says “Please?” 

Before I can walk over to get his popcorn, his mom chimes in. “Nuh uh. You’re not about to discipline MY SON.” I told her that I don’t take disrespect from my own son, so why was I about to take it from hers? She goes running at the mouth again. I see where he gets it from. 

So I did exactly what I said I would do. I walked away, and they did not get their popcorn from me. One of my other coworkers helped them and apparently the dad apologized for his wife and son’s behavior.

So AITAH? I don’t think what I said to her son was disrespectful. It was honest advice that he will need going forward if they want to take him literally anywhere. ",NTA you deserve to be respected in your workplace. You corrected very slightly and it clearly worked. You have patience much longer than I could have. I volunteer at an MMA gym and we have to correct kids constantly as a big thing we teach is respect.
AITAH for getting upset at my sister over a trip?,"so each year we have a trip at uni we go to many places , it is really fun with my group and they come back late and my mom doesn’t let me to go alone to those places , before my sister gets married we make a promise that she will come with me no matter what since it only once a year her husband agreed and last time i told her she told me her and her husband are going somewhere and it is their life so i told it is fine and this year i told her again and she told me she can’t come since her husband is missing his parents which they visit 8 days ago and i told her can’t it wait since they literary can go anytime and my sister said that she can’t say that to her husband and if i really want to go i should ask her husband . I am not upset that she doesn’t come but she expects me to drop everything for her no matter what and i did many times and honestly i don’t ask her for anything rather than that and now my mom doesn’t let me go and she says i am acting childish 

Am i really the ah here?","NAH - It’s understandable that OP is upset — this was a once-a-year plan and a promise that OP relied on. At the same time, the sister is married now and does have the right to prioritize her own life and marriage.

The real issue here is the mother. Instead of adapting as circumstances changed, she’s still restricting OP and then criticizing OP for being upset about the consequences. If OP isn’t allowed to go alone, and the sister can’t come, the reasonable response would be flexibility or helping find an alternative — not calling OP childish.

This conflict exists because the rules never evolved, not because OP or the sister are acting unreasonably."
WIBTAH If i called him out on his racism?,"Am i overreacting?

I don’t like my friends boyfriend. He seems kind of racist or at least idk. So basically it all started when they were friends. He’d look me right in the eye and be like “ this BLACK girl asked me out the other day, but i rejected her because she wasnt my type” i was like whatever because it could just mean she wasnt his type. Then again later he would say all the girls i rejected weren’t my type and say that looking directly at me. Then today my hair was getting on my nerves so i said im this close from cutting my hair off and wearing a wig and this boy looks at me and says yeah like all blacks girls like you do. Like omg. I was just tired of his bs, but i dont want it to seem like im being over dramatic or something. I want to call him a racist and all that stuff and yell. He just gets on my nerves. I just want to know if I’m overreacting. Does he think I like him or something?!

There’s also many other instances, but these are the ones that are getting on my nerves.","WNBTAH call him out gurll especially in front of everyone :) 

These people are still in our society is genuinely..concerning. :)"
"AITAH for how I handled an unplanned pregnancy and VPI, according to my partner?","I (F30) am writing this because I genuinely want an outside, honest perspective. I’m not trying to defend myself here. I want to understand whether I’m the one who is wrong in this situation and most of all whether I destroyed trust beyond repair.

I was seeing a man (28) for a short time. We were not officially in a relationship, and we were discussing whether or not to be together, which made everything more fragile and sensitive.

An unplanned pregnancy happened, and the situation became emotionally overwhelming for both of us. Because I want to understand his point of view as accurately as possible, I am now going to present the situation exactly as he has described experiencing it, as if he were writing this himself. My pov is of course full of other things, lots of pain and emotions during of all this (so please, try to not ne judgmental) but, for a bit of context, I just wanna say that in the days after the abortion, I acknowledged my mistakes and apologized to him. At the same time, I also told him that I was deeply hurt by the fact that he did not support me during the procedure at all, and that his reaction toward me felt extremely harsh. I mention this only to explain the broader context of our conversations afterward, not to argue my side.

His pov (at least to the best of my knowledge):

“ I was seeing a woman for a short time when she told me she was pregnant. Given how new and uncertain our situation was, I felt scared and like I was losing control over my life.

During an argument, she told me something along the lines of “my body, my choice,” which made me feel excluded and powerless, as if my feelings didn’t matter and I had no say in something that would deeply affect my life. Even though she later apologized, that sentence stayed with me and made me believe that this was how she truly thought.

Later, we agreed on a plan for her to have a pharmacological abortion. She told me when it would happen, and I trusted her.

On the day she was supposed to start the procedure, I messaged her in the afternoon asking how she was doing. I didn’t hear back until 8 when she replied saying she hadn’t taken the first pill yet. She said she could’t do it cuz was having a panic attack and struggling emotionally. To me, this felt like a serious breach of trust. I felt abandoned and alone with the fear, as if an important agreement had been broken without warning.

That evening, she did go through with the abortion. However, by that point we had already argued, and I was emotionally overwhelmed.

After that, I did not reach out to her. From my perspective, I needed space and time to process what had happened and to think about whether I could continue seeing her. In the days that followed, I remained distant for this reason, until she eventually called me.

When she later explained her behavior by saying she was struggling mentally, it felt to me like she was using her mental health as an excuse instead of taking responsibility.

Because of this, I feel that I lost trust in her completely and I don’t know whether it’s reasonable to continue seeing someone who, in my view, acted selfishly and broke trust during such a critical moment. I feel highly traumatized by the loss of control and unsure whether I can trust her again or build a relationship with her. Some of my friends also told me that what she did was unforgivable and that they would not be able to trust someone after this.”

Thank you in advance ","NTA. It sounds like you were both panicked, but I do wish you’d had more support through what must have been difficult days. That he still doesn’t ‘trust’ you seems like an overreaction but it’s probably not a relationship to continue at this point, anyway. "
"AITAH kicked out of share house, refused entry to property unable obtain the rest of my belongings","Okay so, tldr (if this gets a lot of interest I’ll write out the whole thing) TLDR roommate manipulated me into a breakup, roommate totalled my car, roommate kicked me out, roommate refuses to let me pick up my belongings left in my room, so his 37 year younger boyfriend.. steals the house mailbox and leaves it at the front door of my hotel room…. AITAH for thinking about keeping it OR WIBTAH if I paint it (grotesquely) and tig weld it back into the mailbox spot at the house? ",Go to the nearest police station and explain the situation. They'll accompany you to get your stuff
"AITAH for ignoring the presence of my flirty co-worker - and not telling his ""date"" about his behaviour?","I (F, 32) started a new job in April/May '25 and after the first months developed mutual flirtation with a co-worker (M, 32, divorced, two small kids). At first he asked me on dates, but he cancelled the first one and said at work, jokingly ""we could just call this a first date"". When I (later, on text) addressed the dating-part with ""I was surprised you actually used the word 'date'"", he took it back in an insecure, jokingly and flirty way.

We ended up agreeing to be just casual (hookups and flirting) (actually agreed several times, since he during a flirty-work-day said abruptly that he ""wouldn't date a colleague"" and left. When I texted him later, he explained that he ""wasn't sure where I stood"" - I told him we agreed the casual part, so that's how I saw it).

At work, he’d be very flirty when no one else was around and sent flirty/sexual messages - but often didn’t follow through. Sometimes he'd apologise and suggest a new day, others he would go quiet. We did hook up twice at my place though (about six months ago) and it was literal fireworks. He kept up his heavy, flirty behaviour but stopped following through at all - still either quiet or with apologies and new suggestions.

At one point I texted I took his behaviour as if he’d changed his mind— which was totally fine, but please just say so. He replied, “let’s just say that was it,” and I agreed to keep it collegial.

After that, in person, he picked it back up: strong eye contact, “long time no see,” asking why I sounded “cold,” complimenting me, little favors (like bringing an energy drink), and asking what I was doing that evening. I told him words without action were a waste of my time. He laughed it off and said he’s just bad at communication. Same day, he half-joked about having sex at work in the basement (a fantasy I'd told him about once, which he kept bringing up). I told him plainly: either act on it or stop the flirting. He said ashamedly (looking in the floor) he would think about it and asked me not to look at him in a hateful way. When I asked about the look he gave me, he said “longing.”

He messaged days later if I was home tonight, and I offered a concrete time (21:00). He didn’t reply, but texted at 04:00 that he was sorry ❤️ and that he'd fallen asleep.

We had a Christmas party where I felt he avoided eye contact. Actually we didn't talk at all, which was so weird for me - but also intentional. A week later at work he said “maybe we shouldn’t sit so close”, but kept being flirty later that day and told me he was surprised to see me at the party. I texted him the next day, asking if he was available. He replied in a flirty way that he was too tired and had to get up early, but he still would like to see me and proposed for me to visit him. I proposed for him to give me a time and date, which didn't happen.

**5 days later:** a woman (whom I don't know and have never heard of) DM’d me asking if I’d left a dress at his place (she was apparently just texting names she'd heard of), and she suspected that we were both seeing him. She said he talks about me as a “good and sweet colleague who flirts with a lot with him.” I told her I've never been at his place, and didn't go further into the details, since it's not my place. I then told him to keep me out of his private mess and not to frame it like I’m the only one flirting. He said he agreed and that I shouldn’t be dragged into anything, and that he had no idea what was going on. I told him that I'm sure he knows what's going on, but to leave me out of it or be honest, no matter what. He didn't reply and the woman blocked me (understandingly).

I haven't seen him in weeks (I work part time until February), except briefly a few days ago where I did not approach or look at him at all. I was explaining a situation to my other colleagues. He was looking and I could sense his uncomfortableness, but I did NOT even look his way. I completely ignored his presence in the room.

I have no idea what happened to the woman or how his datinglife is in general - I never asked, he never told. Therefore also no idea for how long they've been seeing each other or if he's seeing anyone else.

My issue with this situation is his lack of honesty. I told him from the beginning, that this ""arrangement"" would be fine, if we were just honest with each other and checked in once in a while. Since he kept flirting, suggested seeing each other and had that so-called ""longing"" look the entire time (even wen I didn't look at him) etc. etc. etc., I took his words for it, despite the cancelling. To me he just seemed insecure and as he was awaiting my signals the entire time. And well - it was just casual and (a lot of heavy) flirting. But this situation with the woman feels like a lack of respect and is the kinda drama I thought we'd avoid with being only casual. Now I'm kinda mad and unsure about how to approach him at work - mainly because I'm scared to lose my temper a little, and mostly want to have our great cooperation at work back.

BUT I do feel kinda bad about ignoring his presence at work the other day - it doesn't feel like the 'right' and mature thing to do. I was just so scared to actually let my feelings get away with me. ALSO: I wanted to tell the other woman about his behaviour and so on - since I could sense her anxiety. But I also think that it is wrong of her to contact strangers like that (kinda toxic and insane, tbh) - and could potentially hurt my own workplace, if I had told her. Also wasn't really my place at all. But could I still be an A-hole for not telling her?","NTA He made it all weird and kept letting you down so I think you dodged a bullet. Over time it will get easier to be at work around him I'm sure but you have no obligation to try to make it better or anything. Just carry on like nothing happened if you can, you haven't done anything wrong."
AITAH for being friends with 2 people that hate each other?,"So I have 2 friends Anita and Lauren. I knew Anita before I knew Lauren. Lauren has never really liked Anita and she despises her. When Lauren found out that I am friends with Anita she asked me for Anita's ig account cuz she wanted to talk to her (at this time I didn't know Lauren hated Anita). Now Anita didn’t know who Lauren was until I told her about Lauren and how Lauren wanted to talk to her. Anita accepted and I thought they'd become friends and we'd all be friends but that didn't happen. 

After their conversation Anita showed me the text messages and they were clearly fighting. Lauren was accusing Anita of lying about some stuff (I can't say cuz of privacy reasons). 

Now for some backstory*

So there's this other girl we'll call her Sara and she's a bully. She has continuously bullied Anita, Lauren and I multiple times but Anita actively talks to Sara and they are always arguing. 

Now Anita is saying that I shouldn't be friends with Lauren because Lauren hates Anita and they are beefing and also Lauren talks to Sara so Anita said Lauren is probably talking bad about me with Sara. 

Mind you we are all 15-16 and Sara is 19.",[deleted]
AITAH if I break up with my bf because he thinks it’s ok to yell at me,"My boyfriend and I are 22, he raises his voice and sometimes yells when he are bickering which I don’t do. I’ve told him it scares me and it’s not right but he just asks me how I think he should act when he gets angry. And it’s better to yell than to break and throw things. He’s usually kind and gentle and this just feels like a huge line for me, I don’t want to end it though, it’s so hard because I’m in love with him. I love lots of things about our relationship. I just don’t know if this is where I should stop it for my own sake","He thinks yelling and breaking things are his only two options? Tell him to count to 10 or remove himself from the scenario until he calms down, they're called delay tactics."
AITAH for flirting with a girl in front of my ex after she told me we couldn't be back together?,"This happened a few months ago...but what happened still haunts me because it was really confusing. My girlfriend broke up with me at the beginning of August. It was really painful, especially since I was still in love with her...and honestly, I'm not yet 100% over it.

We share the same group of friends and we’re both big fans of psytrance music festivals. We have a shared friend group with whom we do festivals, raves, and trips together.

Beginning of September, we went to another festival with the same group. I know very well how things usually go in places like that, and I really didn’t want to go because she was going to be there… but at the last minute, I decided to go anyway because I also wanted to see my friends.

Things were going pretty well between us: short but cordial interactions, and by the end of the second day we were almost talking like friends again. Still, on the third day, I broke down and asked her if she had five minutes to talk.

I told her that I was still in love with her (which is true back in that day) and that I wanted to try again with her. She told me it wasn’t possible, that she had already moved on and that I should do the same. She even said that there were new girls with us (friends of one of my friends) and that I could try my luck with them.

That evening, after a whole day of dancing, I sat next to one of those girls. I hadn’t talked much with her before, but I did find her cute. We started talking and, little by little, we ended up alone in the camping area… and there, we kissed. We spent the whole evening cuddling on a camping couch.

At 4 a.m., the rest of the group (my ex was with them) came back to the campsite, and this girl and I were still cuddled up together. I thought everything was fine, my ex was even interacting with us. And we were just there together, we didn't kiss or something in front of her.

In the morning, she asked me if she could talk to me for five minutes. She completely blew up at me. She was screaming like she was possessed, calling me a liar, telling me that everything I had said to her was bullshit and that she was going to block me. I stayed calm because I didn’t want to draw even more attention. She kept saying: “How can you tell me you still love me and end up with someone else the very same night?”

Honestly, I don’t understand what happened at all. This festival wasn’t the first time I asked her to try again, it was actually the third time, and all three times she told me it wasn’t possible. She broke up with me and I was a whole month trying to be back with her...",She needed to be your world and have that power over you
AITAH for breaking up with my GF for her sleeping pattern and lack of ambition?,"AITAH for choosing my future peace over this relationship?

I (38M) have been dating my girlfriend (33F) for 9 months now. Let’s call her P. She’s genuinely a good person, and we bonded over a lot of things early on.

That said, her lifestyle is becoming a major issue for me.

P’s sleep schedule is honestly appalling. She sleeps from around 4 a.m. to 5 p.m.—roughly 11 hours a day. Because of this, she doesn’t have a job, still lives with her parents, and constantly complains about how little “allowance” she gets from them.

This is a big red flag for me. I know she loves me, but love alone doesn’t make a relationship work.

She’s been saying she wants to “change her life for the better,” but after 8 months, I’ve seen zero action. Her friends arranged job interviews for her that she didn’t attend. Her father helped her get a job, and she quit after a few days. Every time, the excuse is the same: her sleeping issues.

She also complains about her mom being “irresponsible” because her mom forgot to put her clothes in the washing machine. P is 33.

When she talks about our future, she casually mentions how lucky she is to be with someone who can cook—because she can’t and don't like to. That comment really hit me, because it sounded less like a partnership and more like a plan for me to carry everything.

I eventually reached my limit and told her I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m responsible for everything. That’s just not how I want my life to look.

She then accused me of being an asshole for not recognizing her love or her mental health struggles.

I even offered to pay for her therapy, and she refused, saying it wouldn’t help.

I know things are hard for her, and I don’t think she’s a bad person. But I also know I had to put my own future and peace first.

So… AITAH?","NTA whether she knows it or not, she’s got issues she needs to deal with and you’re not obligated to be there if she’s not going to change."
AITAH for being irritable while waiting in the cold just after returning from a weekend away?,"I (29F) went on a ski-trip with work colleagues for the weekend. My colleagues and I drove back on Sunday about 7 hours to my colleagues house. Which is about 1h 20min from my house. On the way back my husband (30M) told me he has a headache and I decided and communicated that it would be better if I take the bus to the nearest train station and he could pick me up there, instead of him having to drive 1h20m to fetch me and then another 1h20m back. That would shorten his trip by 20m to the train station instead.

When I arrived at the train station, I called and let him know that I'm at the bus station area where the starbucks is, of which he knows exactly where it located. Now, I don't know this train station but he does as he workplace is next door. He sent a location of where he was parked with the car, which was all the way back from where the bus came. He asked if it was too far and I said yes, but I'll try get there. (it was 950m, 13 min walk)  
On the way there I realised that you cannot cross over the street and get to his direction from where I was - they block the road with fences so the pedestrians can't go there.  


I called again and said that I cannot reach that area, that it is freezing cold and at this point you could hear in my voice that I am unhappy and a bit annoyed. It was about -1, feeling -8 with a ice cold chilling wind and I had two sholder bags with me. 

He directed me to go arround up the station to the starbucks again and then take the doors infront towards the building A, there are three doors so I took the door to the left that said with a sign: building A with an arrow. Making my way down, to the building A, I see road that's allowcated for cars. At that point I send him a pin location, expected that he would be able to get to this road and pick me up.  
  
At this point it was us calling back and forth to figure out where he is and he figures out how to get to me and sending our location to wach other. In between these calls I get voccally irratble and complain that it's cold and that I cannot answer my phone because of the gloves and my hands are so cold it doesn't get detected on the phone. Eventually he sent me a location of where he is parked and I walked towards him. Put my stuff in the trunck and go. The total waiting time in the cold was 20min.

After a minute of being in the car, I apologise that I got irritable and impatience towards him.

He ignored me the rest of the car drive back home, not asking me a single thing and wanted to be left alone. When we got home we argued and he says I don't appreciate him and that I scholded/critizes him. 

  
So AITAH for getting irritated while waiting in the cold after the weekend away?

","NTA, when did you realize your husband was such an idiot and immature? I would have be livid and made sure his headache would have been worse."
AITAH sold puppy,"My boyfriend’s friend had a litter of puppies 8 weeks ago. Great Pyrenees x Golden Shepherd. We had first pick of the litter and I picked a white boy. Nothing else came up about it, we’ve talked I’ve prepared etc. Changed my schedule at work and most important to me, I’ve been extremely excited. Today is Sunday we were to get him on Tuesday, I texted and asked for a picture and he said. “I’m sorry I tried but the other family sold the puppies without my knowledge and they sold yours. We have the black ones left.”
In my eyes I feel like this was done on purpose. I know it’s hard to sell black dogs let alone a big dog that’s mixed with golden. I feel let down and I can only express myself with anger. I’m very frustrated. My boyfriend just keeps showing me other puppies saying let’s go get this one etc. But in my head I’ve been preparing for that dog it doesn’t feel the same it feels like it was stolen and my happiness about it is gone. AITAH for being upset and now refusing to get any dog even though I want one. ","NTA for feeling disappointed the puppy was sold but unless you paid for it, there isn’t much recourse. 

Maybe check out your local shelters for a similar looking puppy that needs a home."
AITAH for not wanting to get together again because my partner (28M) says he loves me (23F) but won't defend me to another “university-friend” (22F) am I overreacting? Help!,"TL;DR I’m a 23-year-old woman and he’s 28. He tells me he loves me deeply, that I’m his only option, and that no one has ever made him feel the way I do. Yet at the same time, he protects another woman in his life more than he protects me. Because of that, I feel unchosen, emotionally unsafe, and confused. I’m not jealous of her, but I’m scared he might secretly want her, or that his ego is getting in the way of choosing me.

This is my first relationship, and I genuinely don’t know whether I’m being unreasonable or whether my feelings are valid. I’m trying to understand if this is about his ego, some subconscious attraction to her, or if I’m simply overreacting.

We were together for almost two years and broke up three months ago after a relationship that had become toxic in some ways. Now we’re considering trying again. He tells me there is real love between us, and I believe that. I don’t doubt that he loves me. But there is one specific situation that has made me feel emotionally unsafe for a long time, and I can’t seem to get past it.

The core issue involves another woman from his university. They study together and are part of the same student environment. Before our breakup, he had distanced himself from her because her presence made me uncomfortable. After we broke up, however, he became close to her again, supposedly just as friends.

What made me uncomfortable started about two years ago. She told him that I didn’t like her and that I was “so mean” to her, which simply wasn’t true. She then claimed that she had cleared things up with me, even though she had never spoken to me at all. When I eventually found out, I reached out to her directly to clear the air. I genuinely believed the issue was resolved.

Two years later, I discovered that she had continued telling him the same story behind my back, still pretending she had spoken to me and still portraying me negatively. I only found this out after we had already broken up. When I confronted her again, she twisted events and denied things she had previously said, to the point where it felt like she was trying to gaslight me.

I told my ex everything and explained clearly that this was not a misunderstanding. She had lied. What shocked me most was that, at that point, it suddenly didn’t seem to matter to him anymore. I’ve tried to tell myself that maybe he was emotionally unstable at the time, that he had lost a lot of weight after the breakup and didn’t have the energy to deal with it. But even so, his reaction hurt deeply.

Before confronting her personally, and him finding out she was lying instead of defending me, he said he didn’t know who to believe. He minimized the situation, defended her more than me, and questioned my perception by insisting she didn’t have bad intentions. He refused to clearly confront her or set boundaries. Because they study together, work on projects, and are part of a six-person friend group, he keeps telling me that “she will always be in his life” and asks how I expect things to work if we get back together.

I want to be very clear about something. 
This is not coming from jealousy or insecurity. I’m confident in who I am, how I look, my academics, my personality and my emotional depth. I’m not comparing myself to her. If anything, when I confronted her, I felt sad for her. She isn’t the real problem. He is.

I’ve also been very clear about my boundaries. I have no issue with professional distance, group projects, or university-related interactions. What I’m not comfortable with is a friendly or emotionally close dynamic with someone who lied about me and continued to misrepresent me for years.

Recently, he mentioned that the group sometimes hangs out at someone’s place. I said that wouldn’t bother me. Then, unprompted, he added that she’s “always cuddling with some guy there anyway.” That comment unsettled me. It felt unnecessary and emotionally loaded, almost like it mattered to him in some way.

There’s also additional context that makes this harder for me to ignore. Right before our last break up , he has hidden messages with her. They were not flirting or anything but still…He told me he has a fake account and has seen posts on her social media, which feels like stalking even though he says he’s just curious and does that with everyone. He helped her get a professional opportunity in a country where he himself wants to work. He also planned to spend time with her outside of purely professional settings.

Right before our breakup, I asked him not to meet her alone. He told me I was extremely limiting his freedom and insisted that he knew what he was doing.

Now, when I express how much this still hurts me, he tells me that my resentment is bigger than my love, and that I’m driven by hate toward her. That isn’t true at all. I’m not trying to punish him or win anything. I’m scared because I don’t feel chosen.

What hurts the most is that one clear conversation from him—calling out the lie and setting boundaries—could have prevented years of pain. I’ve begged for that conversation for two years. All I want is one talk. But he refuses. 

He says that because I’ve begged for it for so long, he won’t “give in” and let me win the argument. He says I ruined the relationship because I couldn’t get over this.

I don’t think he’s consciously in love with her. But I’m terrified that he has a soft spot for her that’s stronger than his instinct to protect me. Living with that fear is exhausting.

I keep wondering whether this isn’t about her at all, but about his ego. Maybe he’s refusing to act because he wants to teach me a lesson, to force me to finally let go of this after two years. Or maybe there is some attraction toward her that he doesn’t even admit to himself. Or maybe I really am overreacting.

I’m scared to talk openly about this with people in my life because I don’t want them to hate or resent him. There is real love between us, and I don’t want outside opinions to turn him into a villain when I know he’s more complex than that. But I also can’t ignore how unsafe and unchosen I feel anymore.
So I keep asking myself: is this about his ego, or is it about her?",You already felt emotionally unsafe meaning you don't trust him. A relationship without trust is not good. NTA.  Better for you.
AITAH for telling my husband to step up?,"My husband (45m) and I (39f) have been together for 13 years.

My husband has never really had a career. He’s had jobs on and off. Sometimes with large gaps where he is not working. Throughout most of our relationship, it never really bothered me.

However, 20 months ago we had a child. This has completely changed my mindset on our family and financial dynamic. This isn’t just about us and keeping afloat anymore. It’s about our child and providing them the best life possible.

Currently, he is not working. He hasn’t been working for quite a while. I actually purchased a second car, so he could get to and from work. He kept that job for about a month before he quit.

I am the only breadwinner in the house. Due to this, I work 2 jobs and I pay for everything. The rent, all the bills, the food, childcare, etc.

I should also mention, that he is almost $100,000 in debt. His minimum payments are over $3000. I also pay for this. I have asked him to stop using his cards, and while he uses them less than before, he is still making unnecessary purchases with them.

Recently, he said that he wanted to go back to school. He wanted to get a career, so he can help provide for the family. Normally, most people would be happy that their partner wants to be academically ambitious. I am giving him my full support, but I am very hesitant. He has said he wanted to go back to school in the past, and nothing has ever come of it. He never received his high school diploma, so he can’t just hop in to getting a degree. He first needs to complete his high school and then go into his schooling. He has started taking the steps for getting his HS diploma this time, so it is looking more promising.  
He gets overwhelmed very easily, and he is not somebody who would be able to work a job, while going to school.

Due to my work schedule, it is hard for me to find the time to come home and clean. I work sometimes 7 days a week.

The house is a mess. He does dishes once a week, so they end up piling up in the sink. He refuses to do laundry. I come home and still need to cook dinner for him and our child, pick up around the house, etc.

I have gotten house cleaners to come and clean as he is not doing his part. I dont really have money in the budget for this, but I cant have us living in a pigsty.

When myself and our child are home, I do about 95% of the childcare. He will go off into his game room, and watch shows, scroll on the Internet, or play video games. Even when hes in the same room with us, hes spending most of the time scrolling on his phone. Our child is currently potty training, and I had them without a diaper on for a short time so they could use their toilet. I announced that I was going into the other room to get a diaper. I come back into the room to see him on his phone, and our toddler standing next to him peeing on the couch. He was completely oblivious of the situation, and we got into an argument because he considered it not his fault.

This is my current schedule:

Wake up, make breakfast for myself and our toddler, get the toddler ready, get myself ready, drop our toddler off at daycare, go to work, pick our toddler up from daycare, go home, make dinner, try to pick up and spend time with our child, get our child ready for bed & put our child to bed. Most nights I also need to go back out to work once our child is in bed, and I don’t get home until 10 or 11pm.

His schedule:

Get out of bed right before I leave with our toddler to say bye, who knows what he does during the day. I know it involves naps and time on the computer. Comes sporadically to spend time with us when we get home (around 5pm). Brush our child’s teeth. Go back to watching something, or playing video games when our toddler is in bed.

Our deal was that if I am providing financially for the household, he is supposed to be taking care of the household. He has not been upholding his end of our “deal”. When I bring this up he gets upset and defensive. He says when he does things I don’t even notice. I don’t think he should need a pat on the back anytime he does the dishes or wipes down the table. If there are dishes, and the sink is full, do them. I don’t care that you also did them yesterday. He huffs and puffs when I ask him if he can take our child to daycare or pick them up. I feel like I’m asking for the bare minimum, and it’s either not getting done or it turns into push back and an argument.

AITH for asking my husband to step up and help out?

  
Edit: I should add that his debt has doubled in almost the last 3 years (because of unnecessary things such as food delivery, video games, sport events). It was a lot more manageable prior to that. He was also working before I got pregnant, so he was paying the debt on his own. He kept living like he was when he was working, but just kept racking up the debt with no actual income to pay it off now. We kept our finances separate, and he was paying for it himself until he couldn’t anymore (he had some inheritance from when his father passed away). I didn’t even realize how bad it had gotten until he told me & that he needed money for his bills. ",NTA. Your husband isn't pulling his weight and it sounds like he never has.
AITAH for posting an update about ruining my brother's life by not letting him use his phone in my washroom.,"[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1q8h9er/aitah_for_enforcing_my_no_phones_in_the_washroom/)

So I now know the reason why my brother was so pissed off about not being allowed to use his phone in my washroom and I screwed up his life. 

My sister-in-law was weirded out by how he behaved about not being allowed to take his phone in the washroom. It is normal behavior at their house for him to do it but his freak out at my house made her suspicious. She started asking questions. 

He is having an affair. He needed privacy to talk to his girlfriend. That's why the downstairs washroom was unacceptable. Also why he didn't answer when we called and texted him to come in.  

I feel shitty about it. He is an asshole for cheating but he is my brother. I feel bad that I am responsible for his wife finding out. I'm not condoning his affair. I just wish I weren't involved at all.  

Anyways those of you that said I was the asshole were correct.  ","Uhhhh no, you are NTA. He is. He's the one cheating on his wife! He's a coward for doing that and not being honest with his wife about it, instead blaming you because he finally got caught. That's what narcissists do, nothing is every their fault, it's always someone elses. Don't feel guilty about this - he did this to himself and his family."
Aitah for refusing to pay my stepmother,"I'm not sure how to start this as I haven't used this app before

Starting from the time i turned 12 my parents, specifically my stepmother would go through my room at any time they wanted to. I can understand them going through my phone and stuff when I'm younger but they continued on until I turned 18 and they kicked me out on my birthday. I can understand wanting to see what I'm doing as a younger child/teen but they continued to go through my phone up until they kicked me out. I feel i should add I never felt the need for social media so I never had it until a few months ago. My stepmother obviously never liked me because she wouldn't bring up stuff she found until my father was home and being nice. Like I sent a message back in November 2024 just venting to a friend that I felt i wasn't enough and I didn't want my dad to marry my stepmother at all because she made me feel fat even back when I was like 20 pounds underweight because she wants me to be 'pretty' and she then proceeds to threaten to shoot my friend if she ever saw her because my friend offered to let me stay with her for a night or two if I needed to. She didn't outright say she would but she definitely hinted at it saying that 'I have a gun and if I see that btch i won't hesitate' she didn't bring this message up until February 2025. And now she's saying I owe her for raising me when, starting at 12 years old, she would watch me shower and constantly turn my father against me. She's saying I owe her for raising me and being a good 'mother' and now she's turned my father against me when I refused and now he's blocked me

AITAH for refusing to pay her?

  
for context she was Pushing 51 when she first started watching me shower.","OP, if you’re genuinely asking if you should pay her, you need to get serious therapy. i mean that with love. Do not give this woman a dime, let alone another minute of your life. You don’t pay your parents for raising you. They raise you or they go to prison for neglect. It’s not a favor. And your dad sounds like an asshole for supporting this insanity. I hope you get away from them for good and have a beautiful life on your own. They will regret this when they are old and need support. She owes you 6 years of apologies. You owe her nothing. NTA"
AITAH for not comforting my mother when she was crying?,"My father likes to hurt my family. He's had moments of violence as well as just generally screaming and stomping around when he doesn't get his way. It's easy to predict when he'll do it--it's around his busy season at work, a sports team he likes lost, a rabbit ate his garden, etc.

This has been my whole life. Some of my earliest memories are me (now 20f) hiding my sister (now 18f) and distracting her so she wouldn't cry and make noise that he could hear and come after us. I became really good at anticipating and reacting to him. I'm really afraid of him but you wouldn't know it because he doesn't like when we look scared and I'm good at playing happy.

My sister and I begged our mother to leave him. I don't blame her for not, because I know it's difficult, but I also remember feeling like there was no way out and no way to protect us. I'm happy now that we're adults so I only come home for breaks to study for graduate school entrance exams. Similarly, my sister will be graduating high school soon.

My father lost it on my mother yesterday. I told her he would. She was doing the things he doesn't like (talking too much, teasing him, asking him for company). He's angry about whatever sports team lost two days ago, I don't know I wasn't watching it, and the fact that she was jokingly rooting for the other team really set him off. So now he's been angry and throwing things and she's been crying, which is making it all worse.

I tried to give her tips on how to stop him from getting angry but she kept saying ""I shouldn't have to adjust for him."" Sure, you shouldn't have to, but you do, and that's the truth of it. I finally got angry when she said ""I just feel like I put you and your sister in a terrible situation."" I told her ""You did, but you don't want to adjust for him.""

My mother called her sister crying and my aunt said I'm wrong for now helping my mother. Except I think my aunt is wrong because my sister and I used to call her and ask her if we could stay with her when he was aggressive, and she said no, so as far as I'm concerned she's useless too. I don't think I'm wrong for trying to give practical tips to fix the situation when nobody else is willing to do anything practical. AITAH?","NTA. 

I have all sympathy for women in abusive situations. It’s difficult to leave. It’s also true that your mom failed you. She had the power to remove you from that situation and chose not to, repeatedly. You are entitled to your feelings about that. And if your mom doesn’t want to be helped, you’re doing the right thing in being truthful and trying some damage limitation.

Your aunt can stfu. I’ve been in her situation. I’ve tried to help my sister repeatedly, after she went back to the asshole one too many times I took the kids in and gave them a safe home. Your aunt thinks supporting family is standing by their bad decisions, I say it’s helping them lead a better life, and sometimes that means saying things they don’t want to hear."
AITAH for refusing to let my nephew trace my art?,"I have a nephew (12) who just got into art, now i sell stuff at conventions and this helps me a lot for money which helps me with my parents rent (which i help with). I will sometimes help my nephew draw but I tell him that I don’t want him to trace my art, like ever. His parents had gotten me to take him to a convention. And he put drawings up, and they were obviously my work.

1. his art style didn’t match that (he has more of a DC comic style)

2. he literally traced my signature. 

I immediately told him to take them away, saying if he wanted to sell stuff then sell your original things, not my work. I was annoyed, and so was he. And frankly I was quite offended, I had helped him and I only had one rule never trace my work (FYI i tell him not to trace in general but I’m just saying my work because of this situation). 

he then takes out some other drawings which are literally just prints of my drawings, he then goes on saying “you never said I couldn’t print your art”. I’m now like genuinely mad, I’m literally giving him an opportunity to get some money and he can’t be bothered to put any work in. when people arrive he redirects them to his prints of my art. And im like actually losing money at this point, In a fit of rage I call his parents to pick him up, even though his parents should be here.

the mother/my brothers wife is genuinely livid screaming “he’s just a child!” and “he’s your nephew!” and I’m also livid, her husband/my brother is trying to calm her down but before long I find my self pissed. The mother/my brothers wife then screams “he’s having a hard life! He’s just a kid and he’s overwhelmed by all the people!” and I walk away from my booth outside and just start screaming “your nephew is stealing my art, stealing my customers and the money I could of made! I’m literally getting money for my parents! Your son will probably get some shitty game!” And my brother/her husband seems to mumble something and she hangs up. I walk back to my booth and pack away his art stuff and this kid starts screaming and shaking most people seem to agree with me seeing as he’s 12 and has started to grow tuffs of facial hair. I give him the bag of his art stuff and tell him to wait for his parents by the end of the stall. He finally obliges and goes, when the parents arrive the wife seems pissed and (my brother) the husband has a weird face (like sad and mad and tired). 

  
(this is probably when I was the meanest) i Was tired of everything and everyone and had Visibly cried (I was genuinely really worried I wouldn’t have enough money to make rent, I know it’s unreasonable but the job I work doesn’t pay much.). The whole situation had me angry so when the wife had made snarky remarks I told her that if she was ever interested in buying art then she could come back to my stall (any of the conventions I’m at), but if shes not then I will not be letting her near it, (I feel quite bad now though) and they left. most of my family is split up about it, My parents are completely on my side, my siblings are not, most of my aunts and uncles are on my side and most of my cousins are not, my grandparents are mutual and my great grandparents don’t give a fuck about the whole situation.",He’s old enough to know it’s wrong to copy artwork and try to sell it.  Not only did he hurt your sales directly but also I imagine the whole situation distracted you from your potential customers.  NTA
"AITAH for not getting back with my ex if he still loves me, and I don't love him back?","Before I start, I want to say that this was all online unless I say otherwise, and it might be a long one.

I was 19 when I met my ex who was 20 at the time. I will call him Jason.

For some context, I had gotten rejected before I met him. I had a friend for a year and I had confessed to him, ending up regretting it and deleting it. I didn't know at the time that even if I deleted the message, he could still read it in the notification. He ended up reading it and told the whole friend group about my feelings, except me. So I got rejected and lost the friend group all in one. So I was not in the best mind space.

That is when I met Jason. I was playing Valorant alone and I got into a lobby with him. He was talkative and really funny, and had brightened my dark day. So I decided to talk to him and we instantly clicked. We became friends and started to hang out every day. I meet his friends, and I got a new friend group. After a month of meeting and hanging out with him, we started dating. I had never been so happy in a relationship. That was until things started to come up. 

First, his anger issues. We would play League Of Legends together, he was the one who got me into it, and he would very angry. He would slam his desk, he would yell. To preface, he never took his anger out one me. He would just be loud and it scared me somewhat. I had brought it up and he worked on it, so we moved on from it.

Second, how he talks about others. Jason had ADHD, so he was special. He didn't really like people, at all. His mentality was, if I don't know them personally, I don't care. That showed when we played League. If someone played certain characters, he would hope their whole family died, or just told them very violent things. If they pissed him off, he would tell them to die or other things. He worked on it somewhat, but he still did it.

Third, fake flirting with friends. He would act gay with his guy friends, and I didn't really mind it. I have seen my brother do that with his friends, so I just saw it as something normal. But then I met his other friend, we will call her Goose. Goose and Jason had been friends for years, and they both flirt with each other constantly. I didn't bring it up, since he had promised me that Goose was a lesbian, but it still bothered me in some way. 

Lastly, the suggestive comments toward me. I get it, we are dating, he likes me, and he thinks I am attractive. I am talking about the things he would say he would do to me in front of our friends. I won't give specifics, but they were not something I was comfortable with.

I had never brought it up, cause I was a people pleaser. I would put my feelings aside so that he could be his normal self. I thought it was okay. That was until I went to College with my in real life friend group. We talked about all the things about, and they told me that I needed to set boundaries. I had brought up my boyfriend Jason to them cause he kept messaging me that he missed hanging out everyday on discord. I couldn't hang out every day because of college, and I had told him this.

So me and my friends sat down and I talked through it all with Jason. He promised to change and I believed him. But that is not what brought up the break up. What brought it up was when I started to think about the future, and what it would look like.

Jason wanted kids, talked about it constantly. I never had said anything about the matter, since I didn't really know what I wanted. The more I thought about it, the more I understood what I wanted. I didn't want kids, at all. Not adopted, not biological. The two main reasons for this is cause I don't want to pass my mental issues onto any kids, and I don't want my mental issues to affect how I take care of them. Nothing. I know I should have thought about it earlier, and plan to do it in future relationships. So I told him, and we broke up after 6 months of dating. I was devastated, but there wasn't much I could do.

A couple days later, he messaged me, saying that he didn't want kids anymore which I found weird. He kept saying he wanted to get back together, and that we could work it out. I didn't feel it was right that he should give up kids for me, someone he knew for 7 months. So I had said no. He started to crash out, telling me that I was scared, that I wasn't willing to take the leap of getting back with him. My roommates told me to block him so I did. But it didn't last long when he started to message me on League. We talked and talked, and we eventually went our separate way.  
  
A month later, he messaged me again. He said he wanted to just stay friends. I knew I shouldn't have, but I said yes. We hung out, and he asked if we could try again, as friends. He wanted to be friends for a week and then see if the feelings I had came back. I was very skeptical, but I agreed to it. We had agreed to not pursue anyone else, and I went to bed. Both me and Jason's friend, we will call her Rylee, told me that he had confessed to another girl on Valorant that he just met after he agreed with me not to pursue anyone. To say it hurt was an understatement. We argued, there was crying, he said he was scared of me rejecting him, and it was the safe bet. We stopped trying again, and we just went to friends.

A couple days later, he said goodbye to everyone. Jason has had suicidal thoughts before, so I took it seriously. He is alive and okay, but it really scared me. He told me that he had been harming himself, and I asked him to stop, and he promised that he would. This had really scared me, cause even if we weren't dating, I still cared for him.

Then a couple days later, I went on a date, where I had gotten sexually assaulted. I won't go into detail, and this is also a big part of the story. Jason had asked if I was okay, and I had told him what happened. He had said sorry, and then said that he couldn't be friends with me anymore, since he didn't want to see me dating other people. That hurt me to my very core. I thought he would comfort me, or at least ask how I was doing and if I wanted to talk about it more, but no. I get it somewhat, since he still had feelings, and he didn't like hearing me move on, but it still hurt. So we stopped talking, and I blocked him.

A month later he messaged me, saying we should get back together. At this point, any romantic feelings I had for him was gone. It had been this back and forth of no contact, to talking, to friends, to no contact. It was tiring. I told him one final time that I am not getting back with him but he didn't stop. He started calling me, and even when I blocked him, I still see his voice messages. He keeps saying he wants to talk, to maybe get back with him, even him sometimes crying. I feel so bad, but I think if I talk to him, only to tell him no again, it would just make it worse. I just don't know what to do, it doesn't seem like he is moving on at all, and I still care about him. So AITAH for not getting back with him and not talking to him?","Jeez that's just to much words for me, you almost wrote a book. 

But based on the title, just leave lol. Go live life."
AITAH for distancing myself from my friend after she was diagnosed with BP 2 years ago?,"OK please buckle up this is gonna be a veerrryy long story 


I honestly don’t know where exactly to start because the story is really long, but let me begin by saying that I’m currently in my fifth and final year of college. Mira is someone I’ve known since first year. She was originally a friend of my friend, and when our mutual friend transferred, Mira and I stayed friends and grew closer over time, especially by the end of second year.

Everything I’m about to say below is important context.
During the summer break after second year, before third year started, Mira was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Since then, literally everything turned upside down.
I don’t know exactly how it started, but since I usually arrive at college before her, I would save a seat next to me for Mira and call her to tell her where I was sitting, because she tends to be late and the professor would already be there — even though she lives very close to campus. I’d call her, she’d either answer and I’d tell her where I was sitting, or she’d tell me she wasn’t coming. Things were fine for a while.
Then she got sick, started taking medication, her sleep became completely messed up, and she began missing a lot of lectures. I don’t really know why, but I kept my habit of calling her when I arrived. At that point, Mira wouldn’t answer, and she wouldn’t text me later or call me when she woke up. This happened occasionally in third year, but it increased until it became almost constant in fourth year.
I only complained once. I asked Mira why she wouldn’t text or call me back when she woke up, especially since she’d seen my missed calls. She told me that by the time she wakes up, it’s already too late and she feels like there’s no point anymore. I told her she could at least send me a message or anything, so I wouldn’t feel like I was talking to myself. Nothing changed. I kept going because I felt awkward stopping a habit I’d had for over three or four years.

Before exams, I would always check in on Mira — ask if she’d finished studying, if she needed help, if there was anything she didn’t understand, if she wanted my help to organize the lectures for her or help her plan what to study. Sometimes she’d ask me to tell her what to study and we’d agree on a plan, then I’d call her later only to find out she’d gone to asleep. I told her many times: if you’re going to sleep, at least tell me — don’t make me waste my time worrying about you when you’re just asleep. Again, nothing changed.

In third year, another girl became closer to us. She was someone we already knew before, but we grew closer that year.
Also in third year, I developed a habit of going to college early before exams to revise there. The new friend started coming with me regularly. Mira came at first occasionally, then stopped coming entirely — even though I kept calling her every single time I went early, just to see if she’d come or not. This happened over ten midterms and ten finals per semester, for two and a half years. I kept asking even though I already knew the answer, just so Mira wouldn’t feel left out.

I’m not someone who cares much about birthdays. I don’t expect celebrations or gifts, but I like making my friends — even those I’m not extremely close to — feel special. I keep track of their birthdays and make sure to wish them happy birthday exactly at midnight. For two years in a row, Mira completely forgot my birthday. Completely — I don’t mean she didn’t congratulate me on the day itself; I mean she forgot it entirely.

On my way home from college, I usually stop by a supermarket to buy snacks and things I need, since supermarkets are far from my house. In third year, Mira started doing something very strange. Every time we went into the supermarket, she would embarrass me by picking up something and saying, “Get this for me.” The first few times were fine — I told myself she’s my friend, there’s no problem with treating her, maybe she doesn’t have money, I don’t know her financial situation, maybe she really wants it and can’t afford it. That was my mindset, especially since my family’s financial situation is better than most people’s.
But this kept going on every single time she saw me, until it became a financial burden. I didn’t say anything because I felt awkward and didn’t know how to refuse — money topics are kind of taboo in the Middle East.

There’s this situation where I think I was a bit harsh. In the last exam of third year, I asked Mira to print some papers with drawings for me to color during the vacation, because printing in her town is much cheaper than in mine — in my town it costs five times as much. When she gave them to me, I realized half of them were missing. I asked where the rest were, and I found out she had printed them and taken half for herself. Why she didn’t print extra for herself, or print her own later even though the print shop is always available, I honestly don’t know.
At the time, I was already overwhelmed by the supermarket incidents, and I felt like Mira didn’t respect my belongings or what was mine at all and was taking me for granted. I snapped and spoke to her in a sharp tone, asking why she did that. In the end, I paid for all of it myself.

Despite all of this, our friendship continued until this year — fifth year — when all the problems finally exploded.
Before the academic year started, I noticed strange behavior from Mira. She would leave me on unread for a very long time, then read my messages and not reply at all, even though she was active in group chats. She would send me massages and then delete them before i saw them. At first, I ignored it and told myself that if she didn’t say anything, then there was nothing.
In the last week before classes started, I told myself this couldn’t continue. I messaged Mira and told her I felt there was a problem, and that I didn’t want to start a new semester with unresolved issues. I told her that if she had anything she wanted to say, she could tell me, and if she preferred to talk face to face instead of texting, that was fine too. She replied saying that there was a problem, that it was big, and that it would be better to talk in person. I agreed and said we’d talk when we met at college.
College started. I saw Mira once, twice, three times, and she didn’t bring it up again. I could have brought it up myself, but I felt that Mira was the one who had a problem with me — and I didn’t even know why. She hadn’t said anything until I asked, so I felt like I shouldn’t beg for a conversation.
After the first two weeks, Mira started skipping classes again — she was absent for three consecutive weeks. I kept calling her and she didn’t answer. Later, by coincidence, I found out from a mutual friend that Mira had been on vacation with her family — and didn’t think to tell me.
Then one week, my SIM card stopped working, so naturally I didn’t call Mira and didn’t save her a seat, especially since she hadn’t attended for three weeks. I was surprised when she showed up and confronted me, asking why I hadn’t answered her calls. I told her my SIM card was broken. She said, “Why didn’t you tell me? You were supposed to let me know.” I didn’t comment at the time, even though I was upset inside, because she’s the one who never asks or responds. I still tried to help her find a place to sit, and the situation passed.

A few days later — my SIM card was still broken — we had a section class, but our instructor didn’t show up, so we attended with other instructors. I thought Mira hadn’t attended because I didn’t see her. After the section, we had a lecture, and I saw Mira sitting in the lecture with our mutual friends in the front.
After the lecture, our mutual friends saw me and greeted me. I saw Mira approaching from a distance, and she walked past me and completely ignored me — no greeting, no words, without even looking at me.
I couldn’t explain that situation at all. I’m kind of a big woman and my clothing style is very noticeable, so it’s extremely unlikely that she didn’t see me, even though I really don't want to assume anything.
After that incident, I felt deeply unappreciated. I had spent over two years calling Mira almost daily with no response, and now because she called me two or three times and I didn’t answer due to a broken SIM card, suddenly I no longer mattered.
I’m not someone who seeks appreciation in general — I assume I’m appreciated unless proven otherwise. But I never accept disrespect or the dismissal of my effort. That is one of the veryyyy few things that can truly angers me.

After that incident, I completely stopped making any effort: no calling when I arrive at college, no checking in before exams, no asking how she’s doing. I stopped reaching out entirely.
As expected, Mira never contacted me again. Not a message, not a call. My birthday came and she didn’t acknowledge it. Nothing. As if I didn’t exist.
Honestly, it didn’t bother me much. I removed Mira from my mental space, and life went on just fine.

Now comes the part where I may need an outsider's perspectives.
I’m currently taking my first-semester finals. Mira and I barely speak — when we see each other, we exchange a simple “hi.” In one subject, Mira had personal circumstances and missed the exam. She didn’t tell me; she told our third friend, and I found out from her.
After the exam, Mira called me. I called her back, and she explained why she missed it. I honestly didn’t care, especially since she hadn’t bothered telling me directly.
That night and the next day, Mira started texting me normally about studying and other stuff, as if she suddenly remembered me. This time, I wasn’t willing to give her my energy again, I was done and didn’t want to get pulled back into the same cycle, so I kept my replies minimal.
She then sent me the following messages:
Her: Can I ask you a question?
Me: Go ahead.
Her: Are you upset with me?
Me: Upset about what?
Her: Anything in general. Did I do something that upset you?
Me: I’m not upset. You didn’t do anything specific, but there were situations where I felt a lack of appreciation or interest, so I assumed that meant it was over.
Her: We should sit together or go out for something small. I’m really tired and I’m sorry — don’t be upset. I just need to get through these issues first, then we’ll go out. But remind me.
Me: I understand, honestly. I’ve never been upset before — it’s just like I said.
We stopped there because we had an exam the next day.
After that conversation, I felt intense guilt. I thought that I had suspected Mira unfairly earlier in the semester, and I hate myself when i feel like I’ve misjudged someone. I started to think I had wronged her, that I was selfish, and that there was still hope for this friendship.
The next day, I went early to college as usual and sat with our third friend before the exam. After a while, she told me she needed to say something.
What she told me was the biggest shock of my life.
Our third friend told me that when Mira noticed I was replying less and seemed busy, Mira started venting to her instead that she didn’t care that we grew distant and that she wasn’t upset with me. To prove that, Mira freaking texted me the above conversation and proceeded to send her screenshots of the conversation I had with her.
The conversation that made me doubt myself and rethink everything was simply an act to prove to someone else that she was too aloof and wasn't upset with me at all.
After that, Mira gave contradictory explanations — saying she was upset with me because I no longer check on her or ask about her, without ever asking herself whether she had done the same for me.
She missed two more exams and, as usual, she didn’t tell me — she told our third friend.

When I saw her the next time I kept It short and superficial.

Then our third friend stopped replying to Mira because she was busy. Do you know what Mira did? She simply texted her normally after two days. She didn’t ignore her like she ignored me. Why? Why is it so easy for her to care about everyone and reach out to everyone except me? Why am I always the one expected to initiate and ask? And if I don’t, I’m suddenly careless and a bad friend?

My entire issue is that Mira wasn’t like this before her diagnosis. And I can’t figure out: is all of this because of the illness? The medication? am I a bad friend because I couldn’t help her with struggles and didn’t stand by her? Or was Mira always like this and I just didn’t know her well enough?

So AITA for wanting to keep my distance and we'll, not caring anymore?","NTA. I'm definitely not an expert on the subject, but from your explanation this seemed like consistent behavior which isn't in line with BPD. Not saying the diagnosis is fake but I don't think this has anything to do with that, it just seems like she has a complete disregard for your time and feelings, and expects you to put all the effort in for her.

The stuff about asking you to buy her things consistently really put me off, especially cause how you put it, it comes off as more of an expectation or a demand than a request.

I've dealt with people like that before and they're not worth it. If they care, they'll put effort in, but at this point I wouldn't do any more than match it. Honestly after years of that, I'd say it's probably not worth it in general."
AITAH I don’t think moving back to hometown is the right move,"Throw away account, to be cautious. I(f32) and husband (m36) we will call him Y moved to a new city in the same state last year due to me being laid off (downsizing) and I was able to find a job in a different city about 5hrs away. The company paid for relocation so it was a very smooth and quick transition. He started working a new job down at the new city even before we completely moved down (pay was much better than his previous job in our hometown). Fast forward to 3 months after moving and I was laid off due to “restructuring” in which I was given a very hefty sum of severance. Things got very stressful, however, I was able to find a job within a couple months. During that time we had unexpected emergencies come up which ended digging into our savings (most of the severance I got) but thankfully we are making just enough to get by. 

Here is where I’m torn, my husband started looking for jobs back in our hometown without telling me and when we went to visit he went to an interview the day after we got there. (An interview I had no idea about and a move he wanted to make without letting me know) I have still been applying to jobs up there but not a single one has called me back. We both have decent/stable jobs down here and were supposed to get a new rental with lower rent which would allow us to live more comfortably. 

So instead of helping find a new rental (our current lease is up the end of February) he has been trying to find a new job in our hometown… 

I don’t think it’s the right move because of these two facts
1. he will be getting paid less than down here 
2. I won’t have a job until god knows when 

Context info, we have 2 kids, 9 and 10


My husband thinks I’m being irrational and is not budging ","This is AITAH - judging who is right and wrong in a conflict. 

You two need to make a decision for your family. There’s no one “right” answer but if you want others input id try an advice sub."
AITAH for being upset,"I have a childhood friend that I reconnected with recently. We’ve been hanging out a lot, we workout together weekly. We always talk about wanting husbands who are friends so we can raise our families together. Love her to death. However, she has a fixation with kind of “pretty boy” men. She’s beautiful, hard working and maintains herself so well. She’s absolutely obsessed with this guy who’s treating her badly and it’s making me reconsider how I view her. Kind of like Carrie with Big. The man just doesn’t like her. And she keeps putting herself in situations for him to disrespect her so it’s frustrating me because like you can’t control losing your job or a family member. 

But you can control your self respect. I’m struggling to maintain our friendship because she’s obsessed with this mediocre man and makes everything about him all the time. It looks really bad honestly and she makes us all around her suffer through hearing how much he disrespects her. It actually makes no sense at this point beyond a humiliation kink. Even asking him “why didn’t you cum on my face?” And showing our friends these messages and saying that she’s not embarrassed but they are judging her and telling her to leave him alone, as am I.  Am I the Asshole for wanting to distance myself from the situation? ","I'm a fan of the ""one talk"" rule. Have ""one talk"" with this person about how you're feeling. If they react poorly, cut them loose. You don't have to subject yourself to people you don't respect. No reason to drag it out."
AITAH for smoking when I promised my husband I would never smoke?,"I(30F) and my husband(32M) have been married for 2 years and together for 5 years. Also our marriage is a complete deadbedroom from the start. He accepts its from him and he says he would work on it.

We were on our private vacation and on last day he lost his temper and slapped me. This wasn’t his first time, and it happened because I wouldn’t stop arguing and shut up. That day we had to join a group of 5 couples from his work and had a full weekend of party planned. They were all flying in from different cities. After the slap incident I didn’t want to join but agreed to, just to avoid any scene but I was maintaining my distance with my husband while he was immediately apologetic for his behaviour like he always is.

On this party trip we all drank and had fun but by the second day the guys started flirting with me and straight off told my husband that they think I am so great. I always always hanged out with them along with their wives and never in private. They did say some inappropriate remarks but it was in public in front of their wives so I let it slip. By the last day I noticed my husband was very distant with me and I was happily friendly with everyone and chatting. Also on last day I was a little sad that I had to go back to my empty marriage and I have to make a decision for myself to keep going or to end it. That night we were drinking again, this guy was having cigarette and I was talking to him and said let’s head to washroom as I have to go. Outside the washroom area we were chatting when I took the cigarette and smoked a puff or two. I left smoking 3 years back for my husband and promised him I would never smoke again. But right then my husband walked on me and thought I was cheating on him and was also smoking despite my promise. So he pushed me and I got hurt. He said a lot of hurtful things publicly to humiliate me and degraded me in spiteful way, for which he is not feeling bad. It was a whole scene in front of everyone. All were intoxicated. 

Now the whole conversation is around I was wrong to hide and smoke with a guy who had questionable character(I didn’t know that, apparently my husband knew a lot of stories about him but didn’t tell me because he think I wouldn’t have listened if he told me. Also this guy said inappropriate things about me to my husband, which again he did not told me but expected me to know and keep my distance with this man).

AITAH to smoke a cigarette behind my husband’s back? I am even sorry about it but I am more mad at his reaction to it.","To him, it looks like you were smoking. But why on earth do you care what this person thinks? He is an abusive and you should get a divorce. NTA"
AITAH for wanting my ultrasound back from MIL,"hello friends, i want to make this as short as possibly so basically i was pregnant a few months ago, i was having a rocky relationship with my ex and his family, i was about to move away so i could have more support from family and friends but i was convinced to stay by my ex and his family, telling me id have endless support here no matter what, basically i stay and i try to build a relationship with his mom and grandmother, i dont like my stomach being touched, family i haven’t even met is offering to babysit already, not really getting to know me but just concerned for baby, basically all this bothers me and i feel really alone, a few weeks ago i miscarried, ive been in the hospital in and out with hemorrhaging and sepsis, severely depressed and suffering from postpartum, no one reaches out, no one checks up on me ( i figured they wouldn’t ) i call my exes mom or MIL or whatever a few times to maybe get lunch or at least get out of my house and no answer, i realized i lost my wallet at her house, im very type B so ive been walking around with my passport and debit card instead of looking for it but the other night i was in the emergency room and called her off the hospital phone to see if she could drop off my wallet with my medical card inside of it, she answered on the first ring, aside from this I’ve been planning a memorial with my friends, so a few days after this call i text her to see if she has one of my sons last ultrasounds, my plan was she could give me the original and i could give a copy of it to her, i don’t know why i did that i think during my pregnancy i genuinely wasn’t thinking clearly but anyways she offered ME a copy of it and when i reiterated id like the original she didn’t answer, hasn’t answered since. so much for being there for me ! great. :/ i’m really bummed about it and i want to honestly go with police to get it but it seems extra to do. ","NTA but OP do you know that ultrasound prints fade over time? A copy is superior in every way except whatever value you place on that thermal paper. This doesn’t seem remotely like a fight worth having.

(Also anyone else seeing this… the best thing to do if you’re not very savvy and confident with editing photos of a glossy printout is to use a *scanner* app on your phone for proper contrast. You can save that bad boy forever and you can print a bunch of wallet-size copies for anyone you want to give them to.)"
AITAH if i refused to sell the house to pay my mom’s debts?,"Well, this is my first post and English isn’t my first language, so pardon any misspelling and mistakes.

So I (22f) don’t live in the US or any big big country at all, and because of that having a high paying job is kinda difficult to have. With that aside let me tell you what happened. When i was 13 my dad died from cancer and some months before that my mom (55f) quit from her job so she could take care of him and be there for his appointments, i wasn’t really on the loop of what was happening really, aside of the fact that it was cancer. At the time I was also very depressed, it was years of feeling and hearing that if it weren’t because i was doing good in school i would just be a failure, and pairing that with my dad’s condition and declining I felt that i didn’t have a reason to keep standing. Obviously that failed and some time later my dad passed away.

As i mentioned, my mom was jobless at that time as well, but we could get through for sometime because of my dad’s savings. And my mom had the \\\*amazing\\\* idea to use that to invest in a restaurant. Long story short, it didn’t but it was somewhat still existing at the time i graduated from high school and also when i started college. But every little penny that came from there went to the workers, like gatherings or birthdays of the workers which were planned by my mom. And, hell, i wasn’t mad about that at all, i just felt somewhat pushed away but didn’t really said anything about it. So when i turned 17 i got told that i had to work to pay for my college and out house bills (water, electricity, internet and food) and she would still help with my phone bill and if there was a reserve after she paid all the restaurant’s expenses she would use that money to help me pay my classes. I agreed and started working ever since then. Which never really was a high paying job, but it helped with the overall bills and expenses.

Also have in mind that she was using tons of credit cards and taking loans to pay for her business, and even when some of her employees quit i was also covering some shifts that didn’t collide with my other job. But i was telling her to close that thing. She had been robbed several times, her former employees stole from her, and she was getting more and mire debts, and she never listened with the hope that sometime it would get better.

She also was able to get money from an aunt, her sister (lets call her J), that went to the bank herself to get a loan and give it to my mom with the promise to pay it in a timely manner. If I’m not wrong the amount would be approximately like 5000 US dollars.

Fast forward to July of last year, i was able to finally convince her to close the business (and it wasnt really something that i said directly because she never listened to me, so i made that J talk to her out of it). And she got even worse. Everything she owes right now makes a sum of over 37 thousand dollars. 

So here comes my dilemma. From where she grew up, it was expected for the kids to be responsible for their parents debts. Which i wouldn’t be really against if the amount  wasnt so high or if she even acknowledged what i said before. And i know that it can be labelled as petty or so.

Right now my boyfriend (24m) is living with us in the house that my dad left me and he helps with the expenses around here, which is a big relief and he does it because he wants to. (I didnt want to accept at the start because well, this whole mess isnt really something he should be responsible for). And also now i have 3 cats that I happened to rescue with him at different times of the year which i live dearly. This house is all I really have and i don’t really have to worry about being kicked out. 

About 4\\\~5 months ago my mom has been saying that she wants to sell the house to pay part of her debts and for us to find another place to live. But finding a place to rent big enough or that even accept cats is almost impossible. She says that this is the only option she can think of and that’s easier to do so than being called every day by the bank or my aunt for what she owes. And asking me how would i feel jf she ended up being locked up because of that, if she truly lost everything because I didn’t want to help her. 

The house is at my name at the moment because of the fear of having a bank taking it away. And after so much thought i told her we couldnt lose this as everything else my dad left for us is already sold for her to use that on her failed business. She, again, paid no mind to what i said and brought someone this weekend to see the house. And that resulted in a fight between my boyfriend and her. And now I’m back to square one. She is still wanting to sell the house and I’m refusing to do so. 

So AITAH for refusing to sell the house to pay her debts so i can still live in here with my cats?","NTA, your dad left YOU the house. Your mom needs to figure this out on her own as an adult. You’ve sacrificed too"
AITAH for telling my GF she ain’t putting enough effort?,"Hear me out. I know this might make me sound like an asshole at first, but I honestly don’t know if I’m wrong anymore.

I’m a 28M and my girlfriend (29F) and I have been together for over five years. Overall, it’s been a great relationship, but lately I feel like I’m constantly being pushed aside.

Her routine now is: come home from work, have dinner with me, then go straight to playing Valorant,and that’s pretty much every single day. Whenever I ask her to do anything together, even something small like going for a short walk, there’s always an excuse:

“It’s cold,”

“I promised I’d play with so-and-so,”

“I already told X I’d see them.”

So my days have turned into finishing work, sitting on the sofa alone, going to bed, and repeating the same thing the next day.

Today I went for a walk by myself (too cold for her, it was -2°C, fair enough) and ended up meeting a mate. We had a couple of beers and headed home around 8pm since we both have work the next morning. I got home, showered, got into bed, and she initiated sex.

The problem was… she didn’t really do anything. She just lay on her side, facing away from me, and that was it.

I tried to be playful and get things going, but she was completely passive. At one point she said, “You shouldn’t have a problem getting an erection.” I reminded her that alcohol affects me (which she already knows) and said it would help if she put in a little effort. Her response was, “You should be hard the moment you see me.”

I tried to explain that it’s not a switch and doesn’t work like that, but that seemed to annoy her. She then started making comments like, “Are you 60?” “Does your dick not work?” “Maybe you should watch some porn and see if that helps.” She wasn’t joking,she was dead serious.

At that point I snapped. I told her that maybe we need foreplay and that if I wanted to sleep with a doll, I’d buy one. She fired back with “Oh, says the sex god,” and then went to sleep in the guest room.

So now I’m sitting here wondering: am I really the asshole for wanting some closeness and effort, instead of sex feeling like a mechanical obligation?","C'mon dude, smarten up. You've got a roommate with her own separate interests that lets you bang her occasionally. You're only 28, your future is bleak and miserable with her."
AITAH for not being able to forget and fully forgive my partner for watching porn?,"I (F19) have been dating my partner (M20) for 5 years. During these years he’s always made sure to be there when he was trying to sleep with me, but never to take me out on a date, or meet me just because. I always had to plan everything and I still do. He’s in my opinion severely addicted to porn, even when we first started doing things (1 years into our relationship) he wasn’t ever able to finish, I then went on his phone to check when my bus would be and all I saw was porn. You can imagine how that made me feel. I became addicted to checking his history and being there for him sexually. We moved in together and he never had the time to watch it anymore. Until recently this year, whenever I’m not home because I’m working or getting my nails done I always think omg is he doing it again? The other day I came back from getting my nails done and there it was, Reddit being the first app I see, full of porn. I explained over and over that I view it as cheating but he just promises to stop and never does. I can’t get over it, I’m pregnant with our first baby. I’m worried my emotional state will affect the baby, also worth mentioning I have severe BPD.

Since we moved into our own house in Oct, he’s always too tired for anything with me, or I always have to initiate. But he’s always in the mood to watch other women.

What should I do? I would leave him but he’s all I have and I love him so much it physically hurts whenever he does anything bad. I don’t even get angry at him anymore I just accept it and cry.

He’s a great guy other than this but it’s tearing me apart. I don’t want our baby to grow up without him, I have no support either, he’s the bread winner, I have nothing without him. I don’t want to leave him I just can’t help but think about how he lies to me with no remorse and then when I find out he gets angry at me and says “why can’t you be normal” “you’re always finding reasons to be angry” “it’s not that deep, it’s not cheating it’s pixels on a screen”

Please any advice is useful.", Men gonna watch porn. That’s what they do .
WIBTAH if I faced my father and kept visiting my bf at his city?,"I'm (20F) always the one who goes to my bf's (23M) city to visit him, and not the other way around. My father hates it.


So, first, an important context: I have a pretty strict father.

I live on a small city with my dad, and I love watching live music at bars (I'm even on a band and I perform shows quite frequently). at approximately 1 year ago, the only bar with live rock cover bands (and that was about 500 meters from my house) closed, and that was the nail on the coffin of things to do in my city. But even when was open, I couldn't go back even a minute after midnight, and mind you, my ex-boyfriend had a motorcycle, and, as I mentioned, the place was super close to my house. So I used to watch only half of the show and had to go home. (he doesn't have a problem with how late my shows end, though, because he goes on every single show, so he's there to protect me or something I guess)

Since then, I started college, and it is located in a bigger city, the largest in my region. So, every day, I travel about 30 km at 7 pm to study, and another 30 km at 6 pm to get back home. At night and/or when I'm not having classes at the afternoon, I help my dad at work, but I don't have a salary or anything similar, and we're completely dependent on the demand, too. there are weeks when there isn't nothing to do, and some other weeks that I have to skip classes to help my dad. 

My dad has always been strict about what I can and can't do at this other city. When I'm there at daytime on weekdays for school, I can do whatever I want, because he wouldn't be able to find out anyways. But I come back home at 6 pm, which means I dont stay at the bigger city on the afternoon, and, well, the thing I love doing the most (go to rock cover bands shows) happens at the evening 99% of the time. And my dad HATES if I go to the bigger city when I'm not studying.

Even when it's daytime on a holiday or weekend, I get in trouble for even asking him if I can go there to meet my friends, go to a birthday party, anything. At the evenings, again, I cannot get home after midnight (on a good day. on a bad day the limit is 8 pm). At the occasions on which I begged him to stay after midnight (most of the times because I was with a friend from my city that he trusts), he even allowed me. But then, when I arrived, he would get so angry that he wouldn't speak to me for days, because, well, I would actually come back at late night, after the show ended. 

I met someone really special at the bigger city, and we've been dating for more than 7 months now. My bf is a really nice person, and I feel that our relationship will last.

But, well, of course my dad hates it. He doesn't hate my bf specifically, but he hates the fact that this relationship makes me want to go even more often to the bigger city. Even when I was dating someone from my city, he hated that I would want to actually spend time with my ex, so I couldn't get home from his house after 9 PM (mind you I wouldn't even stay alone with my ex at his house because he lived with his mother). And if I went to my ex's house in the morning, then I had to be home before 6 PM, because apparently spending the entire day with your partner is absurd. 

Now, of course I want to spend some evenings at bars on the bigger city with my bf. Of course I want to spend an entire day at my bf's house. But my dad hates that I'm always going to the bigger city, instead of my bf coming to my city to visit me. As I said, there's nothing to do here. No entertainment at all (unless walking at a park eating ice cream is peak entertainment). And, considering past experiences, I know that if my boyfriend keeps coming to my house, my father wouldn't give us privacy not even to stay in my room with my boyfriend. So we would all stay together chatting in the living room, my dad included.

Every time I decide to go to the big city to see my boyfriend, I run into some serious problem, to the point where my father doesn't look at me for weeks. The last time, he got angry because I stayed at my boyfriend's house from 9 am to 8 pm on his birthday, and two days later I went to the birthday party my boyfriend threw for himself. He says things like I only give him problems, that I'm a disappointment in his life, that he should just kick me out to my mother's house (I'm not really close to her).

Oh, and sleep at my bf's house? If I ASK him if I can do that, I'll have to pack my things and leave, because I'll be automatically kicked out. Those are his words.

One of the major problems is the fact that I'm the one who's visiting my bf all the time, instead of my bf's coming here. I've said more than enough here to justify that, but it doesn't matter for my dad. For him, the right thing to do is my bf, as the man of the relationship, come here to visit me, the woman in the relationship. For my dad, I'm playing the man's role in the relationship, always spending time and money to see my bf's, instead of the opposite.

For my bf, the problem isn't coming here to visit me. It's enough for him to do basically nothing all day if we're going to be together (unless he's coming to my house. that's something he doesn't really want to do). But the problem, for him, is that I'm not willing to face my father to do the things that I want to do. But I live under my dad's roof and he pays the bills, so if I don't follow his rules, I can be kicked out, you know?

Who's the asshole in this situation? me to my father? me to my bf because I don't ever face my father? my bf that doesn't come here? my father that is unreasonably strict sometimes?

tl;dr: my dad hates that I'm the one going to my bf's city and house, which is about 30 km away. but there's nothing to do in my city. Is my father the asshole? Would I be the asshole if I faced him and went anyways?","Would it be acceptable to your dad if BF came to get you and take you home? I understand he doesn't want to do that, but it might pave the way for you to do it on your own once your dad gets to know your BF. If that's not an option, maybe tell your dad you don't want to move out, but because he insists on being so strict that you can't do the things you enjoy, you're thinking about it, and want him to think about it, too, and consider not being so strict with you at 20."
AITAH? Me or my coworker,"I work a fully remote position and was told I was chosen to have to come in the office twice a week. I was upset about it and had a meeting with those in charge of it and said I wasn’t sure it would work and it’s not something I want to do. Turns out it was not optional, so I started doing it. The woman training me on the in person task didn’t like my attitude. When she was training me she would stand directly over me watching me and I told her it made me feel awkward. She then said “training you is awkward. You think you’re above this work because you have a college degree but you’re not. You have to start somewhere”. I’ve never mentioned a degree to her or anything remotely like that. I apologized for giving that off and apologized again later. We work closely together so we message frequently. Fast forward to today- my company asks us to send company wide shoutouts. I sent three today. One was to her, thanking her for training me. She flat out didn’t respond. She thumbed up a different persons shoutout that I sent but did not respond to hers. I then messaged her about something related to the work we share and she responded, but with nothing regarding the shoutout. AITAH?",You took the time to come to reddit and write up a post asking about a coworker that didn’t thumbs up a shout out? Really?
AITAH for wanting to talk to my uncle after he made my roommate very uncomfortable?,"Hey yall. This is going to be a long one, so if you don't want the background, just jump to where it says ""Where the problem started"" or ""Todays dilemma"":

Some background about myself that will give yall some insight as to why I am asking this question.

I, 20F, grew up in a very abusive household. Love was used against us in the forms of verbal and emotional manipulation and abuse. I grew up attention and touched starved, and it has affected me as an adult even now, with trauma, PTSD, depression, general anxiety, and having hard times saying no as well as always wanting to please people and sometimes hurting myself and my feelings just so I don't loose friends. I was also bullied from the 1st grade up until I graduated high school. I'm in a way better place now, I'm at college, surrounded by people who want to help and away from the toxic environment, though it sometimes comes back I have very low to no contact with most of my abusers except one, since for some reason I cannot seem to shake her. She hasn't affected me negatively in over a year, but I'm always wary of old habits coming back. 

Now, this all happened within my immediate family. With my extended family (aunts and uncles from my mothers side since I know no one from my dads, including him), we (my siblings and I) grew up going to family events, but then after I turned 12, was isolated from that side of my family for years. I didn't reconnect with them until after I turned 16. And when I did reconnect with them, I was closets with my uncle (34) and his wife, but mainly him. He, for the longest time, was my rock when I was seriously struggling with my toxic household. And even though we have seriously different views on a lot of stuff (politics included), we are very close. He is the only one in my family that I know if I was in serious trouble he would drop everything to come and help me. We could talk aboit anything and everything. We were like siblings in a sense, but I saw it like he was my best friend.

Something I should explain. After I turned 18, he started acting weird. I noticed things for a while, but wanted him to tell me himself. Then, one day when he was supposed to pick me up from work to hang out right before new years in 2024, he stood me up, and proceeded to ghost me for 10 months. I didn't see him again until his baby shower for his baby girl. He apologized, and said that he would never do it again. I found out a month after that it was because he realized that he was attracted to me, and he knew it was wrong, so he cut contact to work on himself so that he could be better for himself and his family. And he loved me, and he didn't want to destroy our relationship over something that was not good. I could tell, even before he said anything, that something had changed, and so when he finally was honest with me, I finally felt like I could breathe because I had always thought it was because he didn't love me anymore and that I had done something wrong to him. I told him thank you for being honest, and that I was proud of him for cutting contact so that he could work himself out, before talking to me again. That showed, to me, that he was taking responsibility for his actions, and that he truly understood that he was wrong. So, instead of it ruining our relationship, it made it stronger and I trusted him even more. His actions after the reveal also reflected that, and our relationship went back to before he started acting weird.

Ok, here is where the problem started:

Back in September 2025, my uncle came to my 20th birthday party. After the party while I was saying bye to my guest and moving the party to my room for the ones who were staying the night to drink, he was helping my roommate (19F) clean up before he left. Now, before he came over, I disclosed to my roomie what had happened between us because I trust her, and he was going to be in our house. She said that he was a bit weird for that. which was understandable, but she also understood where I"". coming from on why I would keep my relationship with him. Later on, a few days after my birthday, I was talking to him again, and he was saying how my roommate was an ""absolute delight"" and ""a gem"" and ""would make a great wife someday"". I thought they were funny, so I told my roommate and at the time she thought thwy were funny too. Then he started saying some uncomfortable stuff that I will not repeat here. I told her because I felt as though she should know what was being said about her. She told me she was uncomfortable with it, and I told him, and his immediate response was ""She'll be alright."" After that, me and my roommate started having problems but thats a whole other story. We resolved them, we're good now. 

Here's todays dilemma:

I haven't talked to my uncle for months since that last conversation because I felt guilty for bringing him into her life, even though I didn't know he was going to say all he did, I tried to stop it and he didn't listen to me, and I did NOT encourage it. The thing was, she had told her ENTIRE family about him, and so her family knows our business, which makes me severely uncomfortable around ber family, especially since she refuses to tell me if her family is cool with me or not. Which made my wanting to talk to him feel worse, because at the end of the day, I missed him, because hes my only family I have. I texted on new years after fighting with my guilt and we had a 45 minute phone call. But I felt so guilty afterwards that I texted my roommate asking if it was ok if I talked to him. She said that she was uncomfortable with talking to him, associating with him, or being around him. I told her I understood, so if she didn't want me talking to him I wouldn't. She then says that she ""refuses to influence my decision. I don't understand why you would talk to him after what had happened, but I refuse to be apart that this decision."" 

My thing is, and something two of my other friends have also said, is that she refuses to accept the fact that we grew up in two completely different households, and two completely different environments. She grew up with the extent of her problems being divorced parents, while I grew up fighting for my life and protecting my little brother, and in constant survival mode. Now that isn't to say divorce isn't hard, but compared to life threatening abuse, I wish I only had to worry about which parent am I spending Christmas day with..She calls her family every night, and her siblings and mom and dad call her all the time, everyday night, while I have to fight just to get my younger brother to even text me once a month! We even had an arguement about doing dishes because I didn't grow up doing them everyday and she refused to compromise, even though I work two jobs and go to college and is barely home, while she is almost always home and only has to worry about school, so she has time for that. Her mom doesn't want her working, so she doesn't. The only off day I have are Mondays (which isn't really an off day because I have meetings with my student org that day) and Saturdays (sometimes) and I don't want to always have to worry about cleaning up when I'm off, especially since I clean up when I get off work on Sundays.

So when she said that I got upset because if she had just asked instead of being so adamant about not ""influencing my decision"", she would maybe understand me better. But maybe I'm wrong for being hurt that she refuses to give any input especially since she was mainly affected by what happened with my uncle. I feel guilty for talking to him, but he's the only family I got. And I don't want to lose the relationship we worked to fix jus tyo make my roommate happy, but I also love my roommate like a sibling and don't want to make her uncomfortable.

I genuinely don't know what to do. AITAH?

P.S. Sorry for the length, this has been building inside me for so long that I had so much to say.","It seems to me that you are indeed an idiot. 

You didn't say what he said about her; that could greatly change the judgment. 

Considering that your uncle had desires for his own niece and then went around talking trash about your friend, it already shows that he's not trustworthy. 

And be careful with those miraculous cures that last a few months, they're usually just lies.

I would protect myself not only for the sake of a friend, but also for her safety."
WIBTAH for going to my friend wedding with my bf behind my family back,"I (27F) come from a very controlling Indian family. Growing up, I was expected to take care of my siblings because my parents were emotionally unavailable. My younger brother (26M) is the golden child, and I’ve always been expected to sacrifice my own needs.

I moved abroad a few years ago and live independently now. I’ve been with my boyfriend (30M) for six years. His brother is getting married next week in another country, and I booked tickets last month without telling my parents because I knew they would try to stop me.

Recently, my younger sister (21F) is also moving abroad for her studies. My parents now expect me to travel to her destination during the exact same dates as the wedding to help her settle in, simply because I’m the older sister. I feel she’s an adult and can manage her housing herself.

My future MIL asked my mom for permission for me to attend the wedding, and my mom said she would “think about it.” Yesterday, my dad called and demanded I take leave for my sister instead of the wedding. My boyfriend says I should go to the wedding without telling them, but I’m scared of my parents and their reaction.

So, WIBTA for going to the wedding instead of helping my sister move?

UPDATE 1: 12th Jan

My dad later called me and accused me of being “influenced” by someone. I finally snapped and told him I was tired of being controlled. He exploded, insulted me, said I was “dead to him,” and told me never to contact them again. I’m now planning to go low-contact for a while.

UPDATE 2: 14th Jan

I spoke to my sister last night and told her I’m going to the wedding. She panicked and admitted that our parents deliberately wanted me to travel with her instead of attending the wedding because they were planning to sabotage my relationship with my boyfriend and his mother aka my mil.

I’m furious, but I’m choosing not to confront them. For now, I’m keeping my plans quiet and moving in the shadow . I’ll update again once everything is settled.",NTAH. You are 27 and finally living your own life. You can either suggest that your parents go help your sister or agree to go help her after the wedding.  It's possible your sister doesn't need help at all and your parents are attempting to control your plans. I am so sorry about your family dynamics. That is so stressful. I really hope you get to enjoy the wedding with your fiance.
AITAH for calling my sister crazy?,"A bit of context of like the situation: I wake up at 4:30 everyday, and lay in bed for like an hour before getting ready for school. No one aside from my dad is awake before 7 unless they need to shower or something. So this one particular morning, I was in the shower at 5:30 and upstairs until a bit after 6, feeding our puppies and taking them outside, making coffee and breakfast. A bit after 6 I went back to my room to finish getting ready, and everyone else eventually got up to get ready. My parents were going to go to town to get groceries that day, and my dad noticed that some money wasn’t where he put it last. 

Understandably, he was worried since it was a lot of money ($400-500 I don’t remember the exact amount.) He said no one is leaving the house until it’s found, because we’ve all had a history of taking money (granted none of us took more than maybe $25 at a time that I know of) so we all started to look for it. I personally haven’t taken money without asking first in years, because it is genuinely so much easier to just ask and not get grounded. My sister, who’s a year younger than me, recently started meds (sept-oct) and I promise that will be relevant soon. She has the most history aside from our older sister with stealing, and honestly it never crossed my mind that it could have been her, I was just annoyed that I might miss the bus. 

Like I said, I was annoyed, and there’s this feature on instagram where you can post “notes” that the people you follow and follow you back can see. I have two accounts on instagram, a private one where I post the more stupid things I do, and one where I mostly post me and my younger siblings. On my “main” account I made my note “Dude.” and the other “It’s obv who took it omg” since my brother who’s just freshly a teenager and living in the rebellious part of that age, has been stealing pretty frequently lately from all of us. The money was eventually found by my dad, and everyone moved on since it was just misplaced. 

Around 10 minutes later, I was in my room getting ready to leave and my sister came in asking for their headphones, which I gave back and kept looking for my shoes. They were kinda standing in my room and I just asked what’s up? Because they seemed upset and I was worried someone said something to make them sad/angry. She started yelling at me, accusing me of blaming them for “stealing” and that I always blame them for everything, which to me is untrue. I was already annoyed, and I literally wake up at 4 am everyday against my will so I’m exhausted pretty much all the time. So, I yelled back at her to chill tf out because she was being crazy. 

From my point of view, this was out of nowhere because to me, it’s obvious that the person who supposedly stole from my dad was the one who has been actively stealing from him recently, and I said that. For the rest of the day I decided to give us both space, because I was mad them for freaking out at me over a misunderstanding, and they still believe that I’m lying and that I do blame them for something that didn’t even actually happen. Later that day, she messaged me (responding to a note that was about my teacher because I was bugging him about something and he said that my class was bullying him) and she said

 “How tf would you feel if I said that everytime I said some rude messed up shit you would cry to mom and dad so seriously fuck off im genuinely so sick of you constantly making me apologize and then crying to mom and dad saying i hurt your feelings and then doing this when you hurt mine you knew those words would hurt me cause i told you that while crying my eyes out im honestly sick of trusting you with shit just for you to use it against me god what kind of sister are you. Who on earth uses something someone told them in confidence against them bro. Like seriously bro.” 

My note was just “Wah wah wah” because again my teacher was joking about us bullying him, and my friends from that class replied with “Literally him”, “Lmao” or some variation of that. 

For certain parts of the message, I’ll add a bit of background so there’s no misunderstanding. 

The part that says “crying to mom and dad saying i hurt your feelings” I usually go to our parents for some advice on how to go forward with communicating with her, so that we can have some sort of settlement between us and our parents sit us down to have a talk, so that we have an adult that can mediate between us so it doesn’t become something bigger.

“im honestly sick of trusting you with shit just for you to use it against me” when we were younger, we had a really bad relationship, and it was really unhealthy. We used to go to family therapy on a monthly basis because our household was in a very bad place, and they said some things I’m not going to disclose, but it was stuff that really bothered them. During our arguments, that sometimes got physical (mostly on her part since I don’t want to be how my dad was when we were kids and it’s something that terrifies me) I would accuse her of being just like him, which was mostly me projecting that fear and insecurity, since people are always pointing out how similar we are. Since we grew up in an abusive household, I’m not the only one with this fear out me and my siblings. Aside from that, I can’t really think of anything else, and if it’s needed I’ll add it if I remember.

I understand that, I could have responded differently to her, but I was pissed off that she was still just making assumptions about me, since she claims to hate assumptions and I said “Have you ever considered that not everything is about you? Like genuinely.” Because again, my notes had nothing to do with her both times.

She totally freaked out and started calling me a horrible sister, a b\*tch, etc. Since from my perspective, I was being attacked out of nowhere over two misunderstandings that could have been easily cleared up, I got really defensive. Basically I just said that she was being crazy, and that’s why i said that, and that she isn’t special for being crazy since everyone is around here, and i understand that she’s upset because it was shitty of me but she needs to stop taking everything so personally. I also said that I’m my own person, and I’m sick of her assuming that I’m like everyone else in the world and that I’m not a bad person because she assumes that all the bad things in her life are because of me.

In the past, she’s expressed that she hates when people call her crazy, especially since she’s medicated for depression. At the time she was off of her medication for reasons idk and all of us in the house hold our mental health to a high level of importance, so we all know that’s really dangerous. To me, she was being really weird, and it was out of nowhere since we haven’t had any arguments in months because we’re both usually pretty good with communication. 

At the time I didn’t know she wasn’t on her meds, and the day before a classmate asked her if she took her meds which caused her to have a breakdown, since again she really doesn’t like the idea that something is wrong with her. I’ve expressed several times that I don’t see there being anything wrong with her, and reiterated that several times during the argument itself, but she kept bringing up her meds and saying that “we only started treating her this way once she started her meds” (we being me and everyone else in the house.) I disagree with that, because all of us have been on meds or wanted to be on meds but it didn’t end up working out, and I don’t see any difference in how we treat her that could allude to us seeing her as having no self control or being crazy, aside from my one comment telling her to chill out because she’s acting crazy.

With the added context of her, and our argument, am I the asshole for calling her crazy after she flipped out at me? ",Maybe you shouldn’t have been accusing anyone on your fucking IG. Did you correct the information once you realized that you were wrong?
AITAH for skipping class? [very long],"TW FOR EATING DISORDERS, PHYSICAL DISORDERS, AND MENTAL DISORDERS. Thank you and stay safe out there ❤️

Hey there :>. Im a 17(F) Jr at an unnamed high-school for anonymity’s sake. I’ve been attending this highschool for three or so years and recently was added to a therapeutic learning program to provide me a little extra help due to me being a bit of a high maintenance student. For my whole life i have been plagued with physical and mental disabilities that have made life a little harder for me than the average person. In fact it’s pretty common for me and my friends to joke I’m collecting all the disorders like general grievous! I don’t know if i really need to provide specifics but some of these include: POTS, ARFID, AMPS, EDS, Anemia, Chronic pains, The tism’, ADD, Insomnia, and many others. The conditions that are important to this story though are POTS, ARFID, Anemia and AMPS. I will spend the next paragraph explaining what those are so if you already know feel free to just skip ahead. 

Starting off with Positional Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, POTS is a pretty simple one. It’s characterized by the drastic increase of BPM when changing positions. For example my average laying heartbeat is 70-80, while my average sitting heartbeat is 100 and my average standing is 110-120. This causes lightheadedness, blackout, and even sometimes fainting while changing positions. Standing is particularly difficult for me because of this and going from class to class can be a bit difficult but i normally manage. ARFID is a restrictive eating disorder characterized by being a bit unlike the others you might have heard of. Rather than being based on looks ARFID is based entirely on three factors. Explaining it all would take too much time so i will focus on my main domain: Disinterest. I simply do not care about food. Something got a little fucked up in my brain when i was little and it resulted in me being unable to feel some normal human sensations like hunger or coldness, and that results in me being very disinterested in eating or just simply forgetting. Pair that with my mental disorders making me more of an interest driven person and you have ARFID. I would rather doomscroll than eat, and the effects are horrendous. Im about 5’2.5 and 95 LBS (or 43 kg and 289.56 cm for my europeans!). The healthy weight for someone of my hight is about 104-136 lbs or 45-60 kg, so i am very malnourished. This tends to act as a sort of boost to all my other conditions making them much worse. It also worsens my chronic pains by a lot as i can feel my body eating itself to sustain me. Anemia is also very short explanation. It’s just a lack of or very short amount of iron in someone’s blood. It often makes someone very sleepy. AMPS is the final explanation on our list today! I forget what it stands for but it’s just a pain disorder caused by hyper-mobility. My joints are often in extreme pain due to weakness of the muscles causing frequent over extension or something like that. Feel free to look it up if you want clarification. Ok, now that we are done with all the medical context we can get on with the actual story. Thank you for sitting through all that!

Our story begins today. I came into school with a plan in mind to help me make it through my day with minimal pain and exhaustion. One important thing to note about me is that i tire very easily due to my plethora of issues, and will often pass out right after getting home from school. This would not be an option today as i have a doctors appointment straight after school. I also have all four of my academic classes today so I would probably be extra tired after school ends. With that in mind i made my game plan. I would rest during the first two hours of school \[a free block and English\] so i would have enough energy to make it through science, history, and math without falling asleep or leaving early for the nurses. I got comfortable in the Therapeutic Learning Center \[TLC\] but before i could start snoozing i found out my first class was in fact, not a free. It was interpersonal, a time for me and my social worker to chat. We talked for half the class and by the time we were finished i had gotten zero rest in. I opted to tell her my plan and was swiftly denied. Thats ok. I can just tell her why i should not be in class. For the past two days i have had crippling heart aches that have caused me on multiple occasions to vomit from the sheer pain of the aches. I explained this to her and told her about my busy schedule and that I needed to rest so I could focus on the classes I had C’s and B’s in instead of English, AND make it to my physical therapy appointment after school, AND do my two hours of homework accumulated from all four classes at home without passing out. I explained that it probably wouldn’t be wise to have me walking around all day anyways since i was having heart pains and that might be related to the POTS. I explained that my left leg felt like it was broken and i wasn’t sure if i could walk the full distance to the main building while in this kind of pain. She said nope again and sent me off to english.

I opted to just go to the nurses office since i was in so much pain and i could probably use a heating pad to help with the leg pains. When i arrived my usual nurse was on the phone so i went to speak with the other nurse in the office. She told me my social worker had apparently CALLED AHEAD and she could only let me stay for TEN MINUTES. This was insane to me. I have heart pains. I’ve been vomiting from said pains. It just made more sense for me to save my energy for the classes i really needed to expend said energy on. I think about it like a budget i need to spend carefully throughout the day. If i try too hard in my first two classes i will sleep through the other five periods of the day, but if i allow myself to rest in those first two classes and i pace myself i can get good work done in one or two big classes later in the day. I normally have one or two classes i need to up my grade in and i expend my budget on those while flowing in and out of the others. Someone like me doesn’t really have the stamina to make it through a full schoolday so going to every single isn’t normally an option for me. With that i went to lay down and dozed off for ten minutes before i was dismissed from the nurses office. I limped my way over to English and sat down. I had honestly been considering just straight up skipping class but i was too tired to go against the flow.

During english i began thinking. Thinking about how crazy it is to deny a chronically ill patient healthcare in the nurses office. Thinking about how crazy it was to just toss my claims of pain aside. Thinking about how unfair it was for me that during the other half of my “free” block I couldn’t sleep because teachers kept popping in and pestering me about random things. So i got internally frustrated. But i don’t normally express my frustration so i bottled it up and went to TLC to rest during chem. My social worker saw me there and asked what i was doing. This time i stood my ground and i said i was not going to chemistry because i was in pain and needed to rest somewhere quiet. It felt wrong to let the faint risk use deadly chemicals for experiments when they could barely stand as is. She told me to put my phone up on the main desk and i told her i would after i finish communicating with my parents about potentially going home because the heart pains were just so bad i couldn’t bare to be at school anymore. She told me SHE would communicate with my parents and to put my phone up on the desk. A huge fear of mine is being cut off from help and so i told her absolutely not i would finish talking with my parents and if i couldn’t then i would leave TLC and go somewhere else. I didn’t care about having a bad attendance record, i would do what was best for me. I got into an argument with her and one of the other TLP \[Therapeutic learning program\] teachers. 

In our argument i explained how dangerous it was for me to have someone cut off my access to nursing. I was in heart pain and that is an incredibly dangerous kind of pain. The other teacher was confused about this and asked my social worker about the cutting me off thing. They didn’t really have time to talk about it because we were still arguing. I brought up how much pain i was really in and that i had a plan i was going to follow to make it through my day and that this wasn’t unusual for me. I brought up that i was tired and i had a doctors appointment literally every day after school this week and i just needed to rest for one period and now I wasn’t going to be able to go to ANY of my classes because i was stressed out and incredibly stressed. My energy budget was thrown out the window by this unexpected change to my plan and the only way to preserve it was to skip chemistry and save the rest of my energy for history and math. This didn’t go anywhere and i tried to text my parents again. The teachers were both telling me to put my phone on their desk but i wasn’t going to. I snapped and told them both i would be texting my parents and that i would be leaving this space if they didn’t back off and let me rest. The argument died down and i texted my parents who both told me i should stay in school because TLP is going to help me with my disregulaton. I brought up the fact they had literally just disregulated me and i couldn’t stand to be in a place where i felt paranoid. My mother blamed my heart pain on anxiety and i told her i had that pain for two days now and they should stop blaming everything on my anxiety because barely any of my issues were caused by my anxiety. Their go to excuse is normally “This completely unrelated pain is anxiety. You’re avoiding class and school.“ which i think is completely void because i had literally made my plan to go to 75% of my academic classes, which i was now missing to rest because english and this argument had taken a lot out of me. That leads us to now

I know that was a lot to read and i don’t have the best judgement because my whole life has been pain of the mental and physical time so i came to reddit for the closest thing i could get to an unbiased opinion. I have a feeling I’m in the wrong here because everyone around me \[TLP and my parents\] are telling me i am, but i can’t see how. I miss class often so it cant be in relation to that. Please share your wisdom reddit. Thank you for listening to me ramble, i know a bit of my own personal bias came out towards the end there so just try to ignore all that lol. Stay safe out there and DM me or ask in the comments if you have questions or info you need clarified. ❤️ - Shark",[removed]
AitAH for just reading the title and basing my decision off of that?,Just like when I'm at the library picking out a book if I see a cover that draws my attention then I might pick up the book and see if it might be something I'm interested in. When I'm looking at these stories I don't read all of the facts about the entire situation. I just base my opinion off of what the title says. Hoping that whoever is posting it has done a good job explaining their dilemma in the title.,YTA - im not reading the title or the post here actually.
WIBTAH for asking my husband to commit four months in advance?,"My son was born three days after my birthday in May. He is the first grandchild on both sides. Us, my parents and my in-laws all live in different countries. We are in the same continant as my in-laws and are only a four hour flight away whereas my parents live half way across the world (18-20 hour flight). 

  
We had originally planned for all grandparents to meet in our home country for mine/ my sons first birthday. 

My mother in law has a terminal illness and it is hard for her to travel. Recently, my husband told me that her treatment will be more intense going forward so I suggested that we go to their country for the birthday parties and my parents would just fly there instead of to our country. He originally thought it was a nice idea. 

However, the next day, when I mentioned bringing the idea up to my parents he got defensive. He said that we didn't know how the new treatment would affect her and it may still be possible to do it in our country. However, if she couldn't go for whatever reason then we could plan to go to to his parents country closer to the date. The issue is that since my parents live far away and tickets are very expensive, they like to book well in advance. My dad also has OCD and therefore gets nervous if things aren't planned ahead. 

  
I've told my parents that it may be in a different country and they are fine with it but want to know in the next few weeks where it will be and what dates so they can book tickets. My husband thinks that's manipulative and puts him in a position where he has to commit to a flying because my parents can't just be flexible (he would rather have the birthdays in our country if his parents can come). I understand his position and that it would be ideal if everyone is flexible- but I also understand my parent's perspective and that it's not fair to make them spend a lot more money/be more uncomfortable because we're unsure. 

Some relevant context- this also happened after the baby was born and my MIL could not fly to meet him for health reasons. She had a few flights to come see him but the flights were either cancelled or a medical thing came up and she wouldn't be able to come. My husband was very upset about this and after the baby got his passport I said it would be easier to just go there. My MIL spoke to my mom about us maybe going and my mom told her that she thought us going there would be a good idea. My MIL then cancelled her flight and we went to my in-laws country. My mom had originally said that she would stay in our home country to watch our dog while we were away- but she had thought she would get to see us when we got back home. When she realized that our dates were such that she would be left alone in our home country and wouldn't see us when we got back she decided to also come to my in-laws country as her mom (my grandmother) lives there and she wanted to be there when my son was introduced to her mother (we put the dog with our friends who usually dog sit him- it was no problem). When my husband and MIL found out she was also coming they thought my mom manipulated my in-laws into cancelling their flight so we could all go to my in-laws country. During the entire trip to my in-law's country- we only saw my mom once and that was when we saw my grandmother. Anyway, this caused a lot of tension in my marriage so I would like to avoid it this time. 

In this case, my parents have been asking me for a while if there's a chance the birthday might be in my in-laws country due to my MIL's health. I asked my husband a few months ago if there was any chance this could happen and he said it would be in our home country no matter what. That's what I told my parents so I knew they were going to book flights soon which is why I wanted to tell them it could be in a different country ASAP. However, things change and he wants his parents at the birthday which I totally get. But he now thinks that my parents and I have been conspiring to have the birthday in my in-laws country because we've been talking about it for a few months- when that idea had never crossed him or his parents mind. Which is why he feels like he is being manipulated. 

",Don’t try to plan both sides coming at the same time
WIBTAH for breaking up with my partner due to his mother?,"TW: Sexual Assault

Me (Asian M22) and my partner (White M26) have been dating for almost 2 years now. Our relationship has been otherwise very healthy, with minor disagreements, with him being a very go-with-the-flow type for the most part and whenever we don't agree on something, we always take the time to hear eachother out and adjust both of our behaviors accordingly. When we first started dating, my partner warned me about his mother, who sounded honestly like a piece of work. Without getting into details, she is always mistreating everyone around her, never takes into account anyone's time or feelings other than herself, and need to always be the center of attention.

Fast forward to the day I met his parents, I expected his mother to dislike me due to both her political standings and xenophobia, but she actually is treating me very nicely. I was thrown back by this, only to later find out that she had a thing for Asian men and has an unhealthy obsession with Asian culture. My partner and I joked about this for the longest time. Fast forward to 5 months ago, I moved in with my partner, who is currently living with his parents to save on rent money. At first, I would have an few awkward encounters with his mother a day, treating her with respect to keep the peace. Some highlights include her trying to inaccurately educate me on my own culture and adjacent Asian cultures, and remarks about how she used to date ""little Filipino boys"" way back when.

Recently, she has gotten very comfortable with touching me in places that are not necessarily seen as inappropriate for most (shoulder, back, etc.), and eventually kissed me on the cheeks during a vulnerable moment for me. I have confirmed that she does not touch anyone or kiss anyone, including her kids, on the cheeks which eliminates this being a personal ""quirk"", which I can usually tolerate even if uncomfortable. In fact, the only other person that she does this to her husband, which makes things more disturbing for me. I have relayed my discomforts with everything that has built up to my partner, and by extension his father. In addition, I communicate all of my encounters with his mother on an ongoing basis, but it feels like everytime it gets brushed off as a joke, maybe as a coping mechanism, and more recently I have been getting panic attacks, with ever bring done or brought up to address this until recently. To his credit, my partner has made attempts recently to talk to his mother just to be shut down, validated me in my feelings, and offered to move out with me once his job contract for the year expires. I am feeling trapped, and wished that he has done more and is willing to do more to protect me from this situation. I have communicated my encounters with his mother on an ongoing basis. I am planning to moving out due to this, and will do so as soon as I can find a lease elsewhere, and we are going long distance until his job contract runs out.

Aside from this, our relationship is actually very healthy. We've had deep talks about the future, we really do enjoy each other's company everyday, and are there for eachother whenever we have bad days. I know he is trying for my sake, but I am afraid that it is too little, too late, and that the damage has been done. I want to keep this relationship going, but my gut is telling me that we are at the end of the line, and I shouldn't be putting myself in a situation to stress about a future in-law like this. WIBTA if I chose to break up with my partner over this? Is there another option to keep the relationship going without the added stress and panic attacks eating me up alive? I want to keep things going with my partner, but I cannot handle his mother as a ""guest star"" in my life.

Context:

* I initially moved in with my partner so that we can save money, as I am in my gap year before graduate school, and my partner is in a low earning industry. The other option would've been for me to move back in with my parents in a different state for the time being, putting us further apart.
* Both me and my partner grew up with an abusive parent, although mine was more so physically abusive while his is more manipulative. We are not perfect at recognizing what is normal and what was normalized for us under our environment. I want your perspectives and criticisms, but remember that we are human and hindsight is 20-20.

TLDR; partner's mother has an Asian fetish, partner is trying to be supportive, but I'm not sure if it's too late.

Edit: Grammar

Edits 2 & 3: Context",">Fast forward to 5 months ago, I moved in with my partner, who is currently living with his parents to save on rent money. 


I'm sorry, but what did you expect to happen here?


You already didn't like her for how she treated your partner...so you moved in? After she already made you deeply uncomfortable?


She's the asshole but you're acting so naive I don't believe this story is true. 


If it is true, maybe try moving out before breaking up? I feel like your plan there makes the most sense. "
AITAH for telling my autistic cousin it’s ok to be himself??,"I’m so confused. I (18F) am autistic I have a little cousin (10M) who’s autistic. He’s not yet diagnosed but everyone knows he’s autistic. Teachers,Doctors,Everyone who meets him. Can tell right off the bat he’s autistic. The only reason he’s not diagnosed is because his mother (my uncles ex girlfriend) is really against the idea of autism and thinks it’ll be shameful if he’s diagnosed. Despite teachers and doctors from age 4 telling her to get him diagnosed.

I am diagnosed as autistic. I am not as obviously low social needs as him though. He’s lower functioning in that regard. He was mostly mute until age 7 only talking to his parents,one of his grandparents,his brothers and me. Other than that he wouldn’t talk at all and a lot of the family were hurt by this but even before I knew I was autistic and what autism was I realised he needed some time to get comfortable with people and you couldn’t force it and that he was “different” and we needed to just communicate in a different way and let him be comfortable.

Sometimes his mother specifically would shout at him if he wouldn’t talk to people telling him he’s annoying everyone. But I would always say if it was referring to me that it’s ok he can talk to me whenever he wants. And I think that in tern made him more open towards me.

I guess I now know I understood more because of the autism. But he talks now to everyone. He has extreme speech issues though which makes him difficult to understand if you don’t know him well. And he’s quite sensitive and annoys his friends with his vocal stims.

He didn’t know he’s autistic until recently though he thought he was just weird. When the whole “acoustic” thing was a big thing he got called that a few times. But didn’t know what it meant bless him and was confused. He’s been called slurs by grown adults before. It’s really sad. But he still didn’t think it was a disibility he just thought he was strange. He wasn’t told until his older brother told him out of anger recently he’s the r word because he’s autistic and when my cousin said he’s not autistic his brother said he is and his mums to disappointed to face it.

He asked his mum if this was true and she said it isn’t. But then when he went to his dad’s house he said it is true and that he will talk to his mother about getting him tested and getting him more help. His mother still said no saying it’s embarrassing. My uncle was really upset at my cousins mum but followed her wishes.

I’d heard this from my grandmother who was shocked by the story after my uncle told her. But then I heard it from my cousin too because we are still very close. He called me and told me he’s autistic. I told him I am too. He was shocked he said I’m so normal and I said he’s so normal too. And it’s ok to be himself normal or not normal. He’s got a big personality he’d be so boring without the autism because he’d be like every other bratty 10 year old. He giggled. I didn’t realise his mother was in the room though. She asked him who he was talking to. He said me.

She then told me hi he has to go now. I said ok. She then requests me on Facebook. I accept and she messaged me on messenger telling me what I said to my cousin was inappropriate. I asked what she means and she elaborated saying that me telling him to be himself and he’d be boring without the autism and being normal is boring is basically telling him it’s ok to be socially stunted. And he doesn’t need to get better. And I’ve always encouraged him to be like this since he was young by saying about how it’s ok if he doesn’t want to talk to me.

I said he’s developed a lot in the last few years he’s started talking and has a few good friends and is playing football in a kids football group which years ago would’ve been impossible for him. And I said him still being himself doesn’t need to mean he won’t develop and he is developing just at a slower rate that others. And I just said about him not talking to me because I didn’t want him to feel pressured to talk to me if he didn’t want to because he was a shy kid so I didn’t want to stress him out.

She then told me she knows I’m “one of those” but I don’t need to encourage him to be like me. I told her that I didn’t really think it was a big deal or it would be a problem with her I was just trying to be a safe space for him because we are both autistic and he and I are close so I wanted to give him some big cousin advice as a fellow autistic since he came to me saying he was autistic. I didn’t mean to push any boundaries with her I know this is difficult on her.

I was quite nice in my message but the whole time I was thinking WTF??? I was literally just being a good cousin. It’s difficult for him finding out his whole family was keeping that he is autistic from him. He thought it was a bad thing. He can’t stop being autistic he needs to accept and embrace it imo. Or he’s just going to get more stressed out maybe even going BACKWARDS developmentally.

I don’t think he can mask very well so that’s out of the picture anyway. And even if he could that can be very mentally exhausting in the long run I wouldn’t want to encourage him to do that unless it was hurting anyone. He’s a great kid though. Always nice and respectful to everyone. So it’s not like I’m encouraging him to have violent meltdowns or something he’s a very levelheaded kid. He just has a lot of social and developmental delays. And while I get that’s tough for him and his parents he shouldn’t be ashamed of himself.

Was I really in the wrong in this situation? Should I have just stayed neutral about his autism or something?",NTAH. You spoke to him with kindness and reassurance in a moment where he was scared and confused.
AITAH for telling a secret to a friend?,"For context, I (18F) got into a trainee job around 9 months ago, and was warmly accepted by my coworkers. I became friends with most of them, specially a girl who I will call Sophie (21yo). Sophie is married, but secretly actively cheats on her husband, but since we're mostly work friends, I try not to interfere in her private life. One of her fixed affairs is with ""Jonah"" (36M), also one of my coworkers and in-work friends. 

Fast forward to a month ago, my company held a barbecue gathering to the end of the year, where we got to be less professional and drink a little (in my country we're allowed to drink at 18).
 
By the end of the gathering, I was talking to Jonah and he started telling me about how he feels so free and how he doesn't want anyone at the moment, except if the person was me. I thought he was just drunk and talking nonsense, so I brushed it off. But when I got home, he started to DM me about how he wasn't joking and actually wanted to have something w me. I was genuinely stunned, specially bc when I entered the company I was still a minor. So I screenshot the conversation and went to sleep. 

The next day, he kept on DMing me, but since I'm a very kind person, I couldn't tell him to stop saying those things and just said that I wasn't interested in anyone rn and when he apologized for saying that, I just told him it was okay (when it wasn't).

On that same day, I sent the screenshots to my 4 closest work girlfriends group chat (which Sophie is also a part of), and she told us that he had once told her that he wanted a threesome with both of us (something I was disgusted about), and that she forgot to tell me about it. Sophie decided that it was time to end her affair with him since he wasn't a very nice person based on those actions. I told her not to mention me since I didn't want to be the pivot for their break up, but since that day he hasn't spoken to me (what is definitely not a bad thing for me). But now I feel like the people who are close to him at work started to treat me a little colder than before, and I am afraid he could be making up rumors about me and telling these people. 

On the other hand, I strongly think Sophie told him that she knows about our conversation, even tho I strictly told her not to. And now my girls doesn't really trust her with secretive stuff. 

My personal best friend told me I should had just stood up for myself, and that Sophie was right for telling him about it.

So I wanna know, AITAH for not keeping my mouth shut and creating this whole mess, or no one is the asshole and I should just keep this situation as it is?

(sorry for my poor grammar, english is my 2nd language)
",You gossiped and are now experiencing the repercussions. YTA
AITAH for taking my best friend’s turtle,"Hey reddit! 

I (24f) have been friends with, we’ll call her Jen(24f) since primary school. To put you in context, Jen moved an hour away from my house a couple of years ago so we were a little less close friends as we were before. Jen doesn’t have a car and had to take the subway and a couple of buses if she wanted to come over to my house. I also went to her house when I had the time. We grew appart but we still kept in contact. 

Last year, Jen started dating Carla. Carla had to move away from her sisters house so she would move in with Jen. Carla took her sisters turtle because her sister was mistreating him. The thing is that she wouldn’t have enough space to move in with the turtle inside the appartement. They both knew I had a lot of animals already so they asked me if I  could take care of him until they could move out together into a bigger place. I said yes, obviously! Jen has been my best friend forever and I wanted to help them! I made a deal with them that they had to pay for whatever the turtle needed during the time that he was with me because I couldn’t pay for it myself. They agreed and everything was fine. 

Fast foward a couple of months, the turtle hurt himself on a basking rock inside his aquarium. Not knowing what to do, I texted Carla so she could help me figure out what to do and she helped me. A couple days later. I sent Carla a basking platform that would be safe for him. He had nothing in his aquarium appart from rocks and I felt really bad because he looked bored, he was always trying to climb out of the aquarium so I was looking for stuff to put inside of the aquarium so he was a little bit more entertained. She said I could buy the plateform and she would give me the money back since she wanted to try and diy something but didn’t have the time to do so. I didn’t buy the plateform because at the time I didn’t have enough money since I had already bought a heat lamp for him that was quiet expensive. (They did give me the money for the lamp tho)

10 days later I bought pebble rocks, live plants, feeding fishes and drift wood. The total of the bill was 87.34$ for everything. She told me to be careful about the small rocks that I bought because when he was younger he ate some similar types of rocks. I assured her that the rocks were way to big to fit in his mouth and that she doesnt have to worry, I would keep an eye on him. She said everything was fine and it ended at that. Since then everything is fine and he hasnt eaten any of them. Our last conversation was on july 10th, I didnt have any news appart from when Jen asked me for money for basic things on august 30th to wich  I proposed to come over and pay for the groceries so we had the opportunity to see each other (I know I’m stupid shut up). She said it was too much and to forget about it.

On october 6th I decided to text them about the situation and see how things were progressing. I knew that money was short for them so I was really gentle about the situation and I’m not going to lie it made me really uncomfortable to talk to them. 
Jen answered my message saying that I had been really patient with them, that times were difficult and asked if we could take a payment agreement. She also said that they were thinking on moving out soon. She also wanted to give me 150-200$ by the 16th. I told her that she didn’t have to give me that big amount since it was already hard for them and I told her that I could keep the turtle until they would move out if it was soonish. She proceeded to tell me that with everything I’ve done, 150$ is the least she could do. We ended the conversation because we were both working. 

Fast foward 2 months, on december 8th I decided to text them AGAIN because I didn’t receive any payment. I told them I could NOT carry the burden of another pet, that my finances were important too and that I had been patient enough. I asked them to find a way to find the turtle a new home. I told them that I didn’t want to put pressure on them but that I was trying to protect my finances as well. I also told them that I would do them a favor and not take the money back because I knew things were hard for them, but that the turtle had to go. 
She said they would start looking around for refuges for him and that they really wanted to give the money back. I proceeded to tell them that I really didnt care about the money at this point but that it couldnt keep going on this way. She said that she would talk to refuges and that he wouldnt be a problem for me anymore, I told her that the turtle was never my problem and that she knew what the problem was. She sent me a 👍. At this point, I was FUMING. I told her that I would remove the burden of finding the turtle a new home since she was giving me an attitude, I told her that I really regretted the fact that I helped her and her girlfriend. I blocked her and she decided to text me in an another conversation, giving me shit, telling me I was never a good person that I was “full of myself”, that I ruined our friendship because I said that it wasnt my problem anymore. She said that she didn’t give a fuck about what she owed me since Carla asked me not to put the rocks in the aquarium and that I still bought them (wich is not true). I can’t put everything we said in here because it would be a long ass story but I wasn’t gentle with her. I can tell you guys that I never insulted her like she did me tho. We had a back and forth and nothing good was said. It really broke my heart and I cried like a  baby that night, doubting my self worth and wondering what I could’ve done better. 

So yeah, I have a turtle now… AITAH for taking my friend’s turtle? ","Didn’t sound like they took care of him to start. 
As long as you have the financial capability to take care of him and you take care of him well, then I say, yes nice new turtle 🐢"
AITAH for not wanting to keep someone elses' dog?,"So for context, some time ago a friend and I got dogs at the same time from the same litter. They are siblings, and we've kept them rather close as they've grown up.  
I also have a few cats, who get along great with my puppy but aren't too keen on the other dog. I always had the intention of getting another dog in the future as I am quite nervous on my own. However, due to finances, I've been hesitating until I'm no longer in severe debt.

Recently, my friend has decided he can no longer keep his dog. Sometimes life happens, and I am not judging him for this decision. I offered (well, rather, was asked) to try and see if the dogs would be fine together as permanent siblings with myself. I have a very strong bond with the dog and figured it would be fine, however this has changed seemingly overnight since this has happened. I was told the dog was trained, and was good on walks, etc. He does not respond to commands, or even his name, and tugs so much on walks it feels like he will yank my shoulder out of it's socket. He is also very food aggressive, and has bit me already and nipped at my cats.  
My dog is very submissive by nature, and is being bullied out of his toys, food, and attention. Not to mention I am unable to sleep as the dog, who was crate trained, is crying through the night in his crate.  
Additionally, he is pissing everywhere despite being let out multiple times a day. I can appreciate that this may be a territorial thing, however the amount of eliminations is that of a regular pee, so I feel like he's just weeing inside rather than outside in the yard.  
He also has some of the worst separation anxiety I have ever seen. Even just closing the door for a wee has him howling, clawing at the door, and peeing.

I intend on having children in the future, but as above the dog has bit me while giving him a trim (his ears and sanitary area was completely matted, I was unable to brush the matts out so it was easier for us both for it to be shaved) and has bit at my cats over food aggression.

I have kept him in the past, and he was never this bad. I'm unsure what has changed, but I have figured I am unable to keep him. I feel that I am not ready for this, and as stated previously I do intend on getting a second dog in the future, however I feel like there would be some animosity if I am unable to keep this dog and get another in the future when I am ready.

I feel horrible over the whole situation and I cannot stop crying over the concept of him being ""out of the family"", however for my sake I don't think I can keep this dog for the next 10+ years. I love this dog very much, but with all of the above I feel that I am incapable of providing him with the home, training, and support he needs. I can appreciate that this may be a settling period of him acting out, but I'm not sure if I can handle it.  
I also love my friend very much and hate the  concept of hurting our relationship over this, however at the moment this feels impossible.  
AITAH?","NTA.

I love that you assessed your situation and realized you are not ready for second dog, who is not trained properly. Which is BTW fault of your friend.

And if your decision negatively affect your relationship with your friend, trust me, you are better without that kind of “friend”."
AITAH if I don't invite my mum to my graduation?,"I've never had a close relationship with my mum but we are civil ish now and have been prior to this year we were okay. 
Some things that happened this year gave me alot of anger towards her, I was dignoised with ptsd after my first birth, I had my third this year and multiple times she's made fun of me for requesting pain relief during my homebirth, I did have a successful homebirth but she makes fun of me asking to go to the hospital to get pain relief. She completely denies doing this even tho she has done it multiple times. 
Something that felt so healing to me I felt she makes me feel as tho I failed and has taken that healing from me. Sounds stupid I know but now I don't want to share any big life event with her. 

We also had a big fall out over my sisters boyfriend, her actions then really hurt me. I didn't think her boyfriends towards my children was okay and she wasn't on my team at all defending him over my kids. 

It will cause a rift in my family so I don't know what to do. ",Who paid for whatever you are graduating from?
AITAH for eating my roommate’s food after they said “help yourself” weeks ago?,"
A few weeks ago, my roommate told me “help yourself to anything in the fridge.” I assumed this was a general, ongoing statement. Last night, I ate the last slice of pizza that had been sitting there for two days.
This morning, they completely lost it and said that “help yourself” clearly did NOT apply to special food and that I should’ve known it was theirs.
I apologized, but I also feel like if something is in a shared fridge for 48 hours, it’s fair game especially after being told to help myself.
Now they’re calling me selfish and inconsiderate.","why are you mooching off your roommates food for a few weeks now?

why would you eat his leftover pizza without asking first?

he might have said 'help yourself', but that doesn't mean you should be a mooch and take without asking first. 

YTA"
AITAH for cutting off my partners family after they said I was faking my disability and bulling me for 7 years.,"AITAH - I (27f) and my boyfriend (30) have been together for 7 years (apart from a break we had in the first year). his family have never liked me. I have always asked for the reasons but these seem to change. they’ve banned me from their house, said some awful things about me and generally not been very nice dispute my years of attempts to be extra polite and sweet. to keep this short I will just jump into the main issue. I have a disability which was finally diagnosed 2023 so me and my boyfriend had been together many years at this point. after my first surgery I needed a second one. for my boyfriends birthday we went to his mothers for dinner where the family acted very overly worried about me and wished me the best. I thought we were making progress in our relationship, I was wrong. the next day my boyfriend when over for tea and his mother ended up arguing at him that I’m faking it, pretending to be ill so I can take all their money for a fake surgery etc. now my boyfriend has never stuck up for me and struggles to Evan say no to his mother which I believe is due to her being extremely controlling and over barring. When we was buying our house he snuck out with his mother to go view a difference house we had already decided not to buy As he can not say no and she wanted his to buy this house. 

his inability to stand up to his family has put a big strain on our relationship however, since i cut them off they have been badgering my boyfriend about how horrid I am, how I should put up with their behaviour because her mother in law was horrible to her. How I’m disrespectful because I didn’t hug her boyfriend one time…The list goes on.

now I’m confussed as he will never stick up for me, and wants me to still go round there for dinner etc. All this bullying has really taken a toll on my mental health. This man is the sweetest, kindest, loveliest person I’ve ever met but I can’t keep doing this for the rest of my life. 

soo AITAH or am I valid in possibly leaving my partner over his family Evan tho he’s a lovely person. ","He's not ""LOVELY"" if he doesn't defend you.

NTA"
AITAH for being rude to my boyfriends dog?,"So my (F26) boyfriend's (M25) mini Yorkie had diarrhoe the other day and made little bit of a mess. I felt for her but she seemed fine when I arrived at his home so I started calling her a little poopie butt. I may have been a bit excessive with the name calling because after a while of ""aren't you a little poopie butt"" and ""what did you eat to make your tummy upsetty?"" my boyfriend seemed to me like he was a little bit hurt. I did cuddle with her a lot tho so I didn't think it was that big of a deal.
Then she had another accident and asked my bf if we should remove the little stairs for the couch so she wouldn't have an accident on it too. 
He did not like that because she already wasn't feeling well and he did wash her butt every time she had an accident. I told him that it is a matter of hygiene and it would be kinda yucky if she pooped on the blanket covering the couch.

In the end I backed out because it's still his home, his dog and therefore his rules. But, I added, I won't back down so easily when we move together.
He didn't really answer to that but I feel like he was also a little hurt by that.

So AITAH for being mean to the dog? Should I have just not say all those things? Or did I react unempatheticly?","Geez, if calling a pet ""little poopie butt"" is being mean to the pet then I'm the worst cat owner in history lol.  NTA."
AITAH for taking a lot of my married friend's time.,"Me and friend, let's call her May are both in our late 20s. We were a part of bigger friend circle and only became closer when everyone in the friend group moved to different parts of the world for job, etc and only she and I are relatively closer, but still we live 1 hour drive apart. She is married and I am not. She works from home and my job is flexible enough that I can get out early any day when needed as long as there is no meetings that I have to be present for. 

So she and I have developed a habit where either I drive to her part of city where we meet and have lunch and then drive back to my part of city where we just go around, have ice cream or coffee and then my home and her husband comes to pick her up from my home. Or, she comes to my part of the city, her husband drops her off  (her husband works like 15 to 20 minutes drive from the place we usually hang out around) and I take half day off and we hang out till her husband comes and picks her up. She doesnot drive. Other than doing this 2-3 times a month, we also talk on phone like maximum 30 minutes, 2 to 3 times a week. 

Now, about her husband, he is a really good person, but we aren't really 'friends' or anything, just casual hi-hellos only, but one of his closest friends is a really good friend of mine. Turns out he talked about how he has to go out of his way everytime me and May want to meet to the mutual friend... It is true that my house is little out of the way and the road and traffic here are both shitty, but he could have told that directly to me? or his wife? I mean I think my friend knows he doesnot like it because she will be like 'he'll have to do at least this for me'. I mean just a single line of 'hey, can you guys hang out at \_\_ area instead of going home, I don't want to come here' would have been enough.

My boyfriend is pretty chill about stuff like this, so he was like 'if you all find it difficult to drive, I'll drive May to her husband's office when you're done hanging out', so I asked another married friend of ours and she said it might be the husband doesnot like that we hang out so much from the long phone calls to dates (she used this word) multiple times a month and I am taking too much of May's time... But when we hang out May's husband is at office? Now I'm just confused and am wondering if I am the a-hole.","Sometimes you just vent to a friend but it's not that big of a deal. Seems like he's willing to do this for his wife. It could still be frustrating. I dont think YTA, but maybe just switch it up a bit and stick closer to him. We've all had bad days and a long drive afterwards can be irritating. I don't know that I'd make a big deal of it yet."
AITAH for not paying my half of rent,"Context: 

I moved in (2 bed 2 bath) with a new friend a few years ago on a temporary basis while searching for a 1 bed flat. Our initial agreement was that it was temporary and I could leave and give a single day’s notice and she could ask me to leave immediately. We also agreed to split the £3000 a month rent in the middle during my stay. 

This was reasonable given we were newly friends and didn’t know each other that well and were both a big skeptical and because I had family in the city I could stay with and she didn’t needed my share of the rent because her dad paid for it. 

We enjoyed living together so much that we decided to make it permanent.

I asked to be added on the tenancy so I would have rights and protection. This was agreed verbally, but she never made any moves to action this. Initially I thought nothing of it, but after about 2 months I started pestering her weekly for an update regarding the tenancy change and she would make various excuses like:
- sorry I forgot, will send an email tomorrow 
- oh yes I sent an email but no reply I’ll chase 
- oh it’s so weird they must be so busy, no replies after weeks

In all of this she never showed me the emails or cc’d me. This went on for months. Eventually I sat her down and had a serious conversation about the abnormal handling of the situation. I also highlighted that new amenities in the building were being opened but access was by fingerprint and unless I was on the tenancy I couldn’t get access. The rent had also increased a couple of months earlier as a result of the new amenities which I was paying but no access in sight for me.

During this conversation I was really blunt and shared my irritation and she finally admitted that she was claiming housing benefits for her child (who was born in the UK but lived abroad with her family) and she was getting around £800 a month in housing benefits (not to mention other benefits as well). 
She said that she couldn’t add me to the tenancy without losing her benefits. 

I was really shocked and disappointed. I felt deceived and robbed of the opportunity to live in a reasonable way (months earlier I lined up a perfect 1 bed flat and she convinced me to stay with her knowing I would never be a legal tenant, afforded the same rights or protections etc). At this point we had lived together for around 7 months and everything was perfect barring the odd behaviour surrounding the tenancy. 
I wanted to leave, but the property was perfect (and dog friendly, which at the time wasn’t so easy to come by) and the rent was cheap compared to comparable properties in a similar area. It was also a very safe area and I had a lot of peace living there.

In the end I decided to stay but it wasn’t really a decision I made, I just kinda never left. But my rent was never adjusted to reflect her fraud (which is fine I never expected that, but typically people in these situations do that) and my rent also wasn’t adjusted to reflect my lack of access to amenities.

We agreed to maintain our original agreement with regards to my stay there given I wasn’t on the tenancy. 

I was frequently inconvenienced as I had to do everything through her. 

Fast forward 18 months later and I had a fairly disastrous situation happen to me which I won’t go into which resulted in me needing to move in with my family for support. I informed her and she was fine with it but disappointed she also lightly tried to convince me to stay but my mind was made. 

After a few days we spoke on the phone where she claimed that it was unfair that I was leaving early and I should at least pay rent until the renewal date. (3 months in the future). I kindly reminded her that the renewal date wasn’t really my concern given I’m not a tenant and I also reminded her that I can end the agreement at anytime. I also questioned why she was so bent up about it given she has no financial liability. Her dad pays her rent and at the beginning he still paid her rent so she was actually pocketing the money I was paying lol.

She got very upset and went on a smart campaign against me with mutual friends and co workers (we used to work at the same company but I had left by the time this issue arose).

I ended up going to the property to pack my things and paid for the days I was there (she was abroad at the time so no awkwardness).

I forgot to mention, in social settings when people would comment on how impulsively we moved in together, my ex housemate would often make comments like: ‘well if I wanted her out she’d be out so it wasn’t a risk really’. Or some variation of that. Which would hurt my feelings and make me feel little, but shamefully I never confronted her on this. 
 
Anyway, all of this happened a few months ago but it comes in my mind often and I do wonder if I was the AH in this situation? Or if I have overlooked something?

We have blocked each other and I actually lost a mutual friend who i felt was on my ex housemates side even though she claimed to be impartial.

I guess although she was sometimes a bad friend she was also a lot of times a really good friend and I feel frustrated that the situation escalated to a point that ended out friendship. 
",Situation where the trust quietly eroded over time and by the end the conflict was less about rent and more about realizing the arrangement had never been as mutual or secure as it felt. NTAH.
AITAH for taking my tip back after grocery delivery,"For context, I am sick. I have a high fever but I needed some groceries, so I ordered delivery from Walmart. If I weren't sick, I would have gone to the store. I finally get the notification that my groceries were delivered. My condo is on the 3rd floor. I get the delivery picture and it shows they placed all the groceries (not even in bags) on my neighbors patio downstairs. So now I have to get dressed, get a bag, go outside and go onto their patio to pack up my groceries. Not the end of the world but definitely annoying and not what I wanted to do when I have a fever of 102°. So AITAH for taking back my tip? ","NTA. You are better than I am.  If I was that sick, I would have reported them as delivered to wrong address"
WIBTAH if I break up with him even after he was very remorseful and promised to do better?,"TLDR; since the beginning, my (28F) partner (35M) of 8 months consistently brought up his ex wife. Frequency: multiple times a week to fortnightly. Comments would range from comparison of sex, our appearance and our personalities to telling me the negatives of their relationship, how much his friends and family don’t like her now, etc. Literally anything and everything. 3 days ago I brought it up with him because I was at my breaking point. He was so apologetic - very tearful, regretful and promised to never do it again and that he was focused on building a future with me. But now, I’m still so hurt, and I’m not sure if this is salvageable.

——————————

The TLDR pretty much encompasses the main facts. But I wanted to delve into things further.

We’ve been together 8 months. Him and his wife split 18 months ago. They’d been together 15 years. She was a serial cheater unfortunately. They are divorced and he is paying alimony and they also still share a dog. He finds this all very frustrating.

This is my first relationship. I also lost my virginity to him. I look back now and see that I am/ was probably totally in over my head.

He’s talked about his ex consistently since the beginning of our relationship. The frequent comparisons he made were always in my favour but were very hurtful to me nonetheless. Sometimes he’d say stuff right after intimacy, and those burned the most, because it made me feel his mind actually wasn’t with me during sex and those special times (even more special to me because they were all new) but were on himself or his ex. I think he became too comfortable with me, or saw me as a therapist because I’m a very tolerant and supportive person. He’d tell me when he had dreams about her, or whatever his friends and family were saying about her, or the things that reminded him of her in his everyday life (people he met for example, or any overlap in hobbies, etc). He’d bring her up 1-2 times a week, consistently. The past and present frustrations, her family and how he feels about all of them, the fact she was seeing new people, how much she changed across their relationship, etc.

I accept that I tolerated this for over 8 months, that’s my responsibility. I should’ve spoken up far sooner. I’m dealing with my avoidance, conflict aversion and people pleasing tendencies. I let myself down there and I will show up for myself better in the future. I finally brought things up 3 days ago.

Next to say is, he truly was remorseful. I was rattled by his reaction. I expected him to say sorry but it was obvious he didn’t truly realise what he was doing. Facing what he’d done and the impact it’s had on me had him extremely upset and crying. He’s not a nasty person. He’s a loving, kind and gentle man. Of course, that doesn’t mean his words and actions have had no impact.

Now, after the come-down of it all; the emotional confrontation, the apologies, the promises to show up better and take the action needed to heal and move on properly, I’m just a puddle of tiredness. I just feel I can’t be bothered with this anymore. I love him dearly, more than I ever knew was possible, but this just has not ever felt healthy when I really think about it. We’ve had amazing highs and beautiful shared moments together, but I’m just feeling so hurt right now. I can’t see how we can rebuild from here? I can’t see how I’m ever going to actually finally feel like I’m chosen, like I’m first, like I’m the only girl in the world when there’s been a ghost of his ex-wife in our relationship this whole time. But I feel guilty at the idea of walking away when I only told him a few days ago (even though he should’ve known better) and given him no time to actually make it right. Thing is though, how can he make it right? What can even be done? It feels like the damage has been done, and it’s too little too late. He’s only stopping because I asked him to, not because he realised things himself, or was actually healed and ready to move on fully and healthily.

WIBTAH if I choose to walk away? Should I just calm down, wait a bit and let him show me he can show up for me and love me in the way that I need?","Walk away. I think hes just desperate to have a partner and prove to himself that ""look, i can be loved."" as a coping mechanism due to his wife of 15 years cheating on him. Maybe he loved you, maybe he didnt. But one thing for sure is he def isnt stable. Walk away and never look back"
AITAH for telling my son not to let his cousin win a game of Monopoly?,"My wife and I were at his brother's house. She and her sister-in-law were in the living room with the young kids, and I was with my son, brother-in-law, niece and nephew playing Monopoly in the dining room. My son is ten years old and has anxiety. He's a big people pleaser and always wants to make everyone happy.

My nephew had two pink properties. My son landed on the third pink property. My nephew told him not to buy it (so it will go up for auction) because he can't do anything with it, and it will be a waste. I told my son that it might be a good investment because he can trade for something he wants or sell it for more than he paid for it. My nephew yelled that you can't sell a property for more than you paid for it. I told him that you can, but that it was my son's decision. My son said \[nephew\] really wanted the card and he didn't want to be mean. I said it's not mean because it's just a game and all in good fun, and that's how the game is played.

My son bought the property, and my nephew was seething. He offered him a bad trade, and I advised my son not to take it. My nephew then got pissed and ran to the living room to complain to his mom. My brother-in-law said ""I hope you are happy with yourself."" I objected, but he said I was too competitive and couldn't stand for his kid to do better in the game than my kid. I said I don't care who wins, but I always give my son advice when we play boardgames at home because that's how they improve. He said they don't do that in his house.

My wife came in and asked what happened. I said \[nephew\] was mad because his trade got rejected. Brother-in-law told her ""your husband can't handle it for a kid to win Monopoly."" I said no, but I can give my kid advice. If he wants to take the trade, that's fine, but he should know it's a bad deal. My brother-in-law started arguing, and my wife said we should just go. I said ""over a game of Monopoly?"" She said apparently.

We get in the car. Our son is upset at this point because he feels like he did something wrong and he should have given his cousin the property. I feel like an ass, because it's just Monopoly. My wife asks for the play by play. She said she can't believe that her nephew lost his mind simply because I gave our son advice and there must have been something else going on, maybe stress at school. She said it is a misunderstanding and no one is to blame. I am still wondering if I'm the ass though, because it's just a board game and maybe I should have been quiet and let things play out.",Umm I pretty sure your nephew doesn’t know how to lose. Time for BIL and SIL to raise their children better.
WIBTAH if I went on a trip while my stepfather has cancer?,"Hello everyone,

This week my stepfather found out he might have cancer. He had an exam done and they took a sample for biopsy but the doctor thinks the cells are cancerous. We will only know the results in 3 weeks.
As expected my mother and stepfather are extremely concerned and so am I, I told them I would support them with anything they need any time.

My boyfriend and I have been saving up for an out of country trip for valentines day weekend this year. It's the first opportunity to leave the country and decompress a bit in a few years, since we've been struggling financially and I've been struggling with my mental health.

I feel extremely guilty about even contemplating going though, because by then we will know the results and I need to be there for my mom, even if it's just a weekend.

WIBTA if I went on the trip?",NTAH. Holding space for your family while also allowing yourself a short break isn’t a lack of care.
"My Mom Hits Me During Arguments and This Time I Reacted, AITAH?","TL;DR: I 17M live with a verbally and sometimes physically abusive mom (52F). After a recent argument, Mom punched first and I hit back in self-defense. Mom refuses to apologize and threatens consequences. I feel unsafe, unsure how to protect myself or involve authorities, and want advice on coping until leaving for college.

This is a throwaway account. I'm not a bot, I just don’t want this tied to my main. Also, I will be posting on most of the ""help"" style subreddits so I can get as much feedback and advice as possible.

My mom (52F) and I (17M) live alone. We don’t have family or close friends nearby. She has a history of being verbally abusive, which happens regularly, and physically abusive on occasion. I’m a senior in high school, and I’m leaving for college next fall. A few people I’ve talked to have told me to just wait it out and try to avoid her, but that’s been nearly impossible. She inserts herself into almost everything I do, so even keeping to myself turns into a problem.

Earlier today, we were sitting on the couch and got into a verbal argument. At some point I called her a name, which I know was wrong. In response, she punched me in the shoulder. I reacted instinctively and hit/shoved her back. She immediately stood up, got in my face, started screaming about how I should never hit my mother or a woman, and threatened to call the police. This isn't the first time she’s gotten physical with me or threatened to call the police on me. It’s something she does whenever she’s angry or wants to scare me into backing down. However, this is the first time I’ve ever responded physically. In the past, I have never reacted at all and usually retreat to my room, but this time I guess my brain just chose fight over flight.

I apologized for calling her a name but she brushed it off and said something like “whatever.” I then asked her to apologize for hitting me. She said no, and told me she would do it again and that if anything, I should apologize for hitting her. I told her I wouldn't apologize for that, as it was instinctual and an act of self-defense. I then tried to explain that while I understood name calling was wrong, I didn’t justify her punching me. She told me to stop “talking back,” or she would take my phone and cancel my phone plan/number.

I’m currently in my room upstairs, in tears and hiding as I write this. I’m honestly at a loss for what to do. I don’t know what options I have as a minor, I don’t know if involving authorities would make things worse, and I don’t know how to get through the next several months without things escalating again.

I do have a school counselor and a teacher I’m close with, but my mom is in regular contact with both of them. Because of that, I don’t feel safe bringing this specific issue to them, and I’m worried it would get back to her and make things worse.

Apologies if anything I said was confusing or unclear. This is a very emotional time for me right now. I’ll do my best to clarify anything if needed. Any advice or perspective would be appreciated. I’m especially looking for advice on how to protect myself, cope with her behavior until I leave for college, and navigate any legal or school-related options as a minor.",[removed]
AITAH for being hit in the face by a brownie,"I’ll start by saying this was months ago but is a reoccurring “argument” in our relationship. But it’s a story we generally both laugh about. This isn’t a high stakes AITA post. No flair really fits it. 

Early in my (31f) and my boyfriend’s (27f) relationship last year, I was taking a nap at home. He was supposed to come over later and I thought I’d get a few Zs in first. 

Well, I overslept. But I did wake up when I heard my door open and started sitting up to greet him…but then I got hit DIRECTLY IN THE FACE by a hard object in a paper bag. He had thrown a brownie he had gotten me at my face. 

I knew immediately that it was an accident. That wasn’t the reason I was mad. I was mad because this man just went, “Ope” and walked out of the room. He didn’t say sorry or ask if I was okay. He “oped” out. (Ope is a common Midwestern way to say “oops.”)

Again, I KNEW it was an accident. I just wanted him to show a little concern after I almost had my nose broken by a baked good.

Here’s his perspective. He says he didn’t throw the brownie; he TOSSED it. And I apparently leaned into it when he had been aiming behind me. I started to get up after the brownie had departed his hand. 

However, keep in mind, he was in football in high school and his definition of a toss is a bit more than the average definition. He disputes this.

When I brought up I was upset he didn’t ask if I was okay, he was like, “I SAID OPE!” (He did apologize.) This is what he sticks to to this day. It’s sorta like “We were on a break!” from Friends except without the cheating. 

Also, he has made sure that I mention that I did eventually enjoy the brownie. It was apparently the highest rated brownie in the city. 

So we’ve decided to bring this to AITAH. It has now been several months. He has not thrown any other desserts at my face. We actually moved in together recently. But this situation does come up in conversation regularly. 

Who is the AH in this situation? Discuss. 

Note: We have a healthy relationship, and verbal sparring is just how we bond since we are both in law. When this comes up, it’s not a “digging up old wounds” situation. We both laugh about it. I was very grateful for the brownie, even though it hurt my face. He did apologize later. I should also add that he has no issues taking accountability or apologizing. The entire reason this became a joke and not a serious problem was that it was an awkward one-off. ","Honestly, you’re not the AH. Getting hit in the face by dessert, even accidentally, is shocking! It’s completely fair to be annoyed he didn’t check if you were okay. ‘Ope’ is cute, but concern > catchphrases. Also, glad the brownie was worth it 😅"
AITAH for getting mad at my husband about his dead ex-gf?,"My husband (29M) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years now and have been married for the last 6 months. Prior to us meeting, my husband had an ex-girlfriend from when he was younger who he was with for 10 years. I’ve known about her since we first started dating and had no issues as I understood that they were together for a long time and she was his first love. Well she had left him out of the blue stating that she simply did not love him anymore. He was heartbroken over this situation then later on, she passed away unexpectedly.

Recently, he was intoxicated and we got into an argument unrelated to his ex-gf. Somehow the argument turned into him talking about their relationship. He emphasized that they were together for 10 years and that he still to this day doesn’t understand why she didn’t love him anymore. That he doesn’t really talk about her to me because ‘it doesn’t matter’ but that he still has nightmares about his heartbreak. Then he said something along the lines of ‘What can you do when the love of your life says she doesn’t love you like that anymore? Nothing. You can’t do nothing, just go find the next best thing’. It stung when he said that because he made it seem like I was just someone he married because he couldn’t marry her or be with her. Since then, I haven’t talked to him as I feel hurt that even after being married, he called another woman the love of his life. I just don’t know if Im being immature and having petty feelings but AITAH for giving him the silent treatment because of his past and his heartbreak about his ex-gf especially since she is no longer alive.","NTA. That's a really difficult thing to hear. I think you need to sit down and talk to him about it. Depending on what happens in that conversation, you might have some decisions to make for yourself. You deserve better than to be considered second prize by your husband "
AITAH- i almost broke our friendship.,"context: there's this girl in my college with whom I'm very good platonic friends with. she's been a good friend since last year. she's of avoidant personality. not too much, but she has avoidant traits. we didn't talk much with each other until this year's june, since when we have been good friends. she has had an ex with whose breakup she told me after a month had passed to it, but i didn't think much since we werent close.

incident: just a few weeks ago, she told me that she wanted to tell something. she then told me about her breakup in a relationship she had been since july. i was furious at her for not telling me about that relationship. the context is that he's her ex from over 2 years ago. moreover i knew her bf from his constant calls to her phone despite me never have not talked to him. but i didn't know since july that he had been her bf. mind yall, she calls me one of her closest friends. she told me about this 2 days after her breakup w him. i was angry and in that rage i told her clearly that she broke my trust. i don't think that's entitlement that she didn't tell me that. i was really angry that she had broke my trust. she lied about him being her bf and not her school-friend. her reasoning is that ""it didn't feel right because it's embarrassing that she got back with her ex. and that what if the next day she broke up with him.""
and she told me many other things happening in her life but chose not to tell me this. i asked her why and she says ""i was wanting to tell youuuu..."" and blah blah blah.
i honestly felt like being treated like a use and throw person.

i didn't text her for the next 2 days. she texted back. and blah blah blah. she said sorry and it won't happen again and she'll remember it next time and ""it wasn't intentional.""
I still don't share everything with her but have forgiven her just because i think people should be given second chances. But I almost ended our friendship back then in my rage and everytime i think of this incident i still feel my anxiety spike. 
am i the one acting entitled and was i being too harsh?

edit: we're both 18 right now.","INFO:  This is one of those scenarios where knowing ages is important.  How you each handled this could AH behavior, if you are both 45, but not so much, if you are both 15."
AITAH for giving a reaction when my maths teacher made some remarks about another student?,"Our maths teacher gave us a question which was quite easy to solve. Almost half the class had solved it in like a minute. Then when the student who gets the lowest grades in our class raised his hands to show that he had solved it, my teacher made some remarks which sounded like he was ""roasting"" or making fun of (accidentally I suppose) him. 

""I am pleasantly suprised that you were able to solve this"" ""I am proud of you"" ""You get such bad scored and for you to solve even this question means that you are working hard"" ""your effort is up from 0 to something necessary"" ""you have my respect"" etc etc. 

This all seemed a bit excessive, especially when the question seemed to be equivalent to solving 2+2. I found this to be a little funny and I smiled (trying to hold my laughter in), while also making it look like I was proud of him too (i kinda was tbh).  

AITAH for giving that reaction? What would be appropriate thing to do here?","ESH  
Put yourself in the shoes of the other student which is probably trying hard.  
For once, he is happy to give an answer within his reach and the teacher himself roasts him instead of valuing him.

Sounds like a crappy teacher and if you're raising the question, it's probably because you know it was out of line but you still got along with it..."
AITAH I sent my wife a separation email..,"So if you read my post 6 months ago and are curious, I am/did try to save my marriage. After a little over 6 months of sobriety amd weekly therapy for me and on and off couples work, I am tired.
She picked her own shrink as our couples therapist, which i questioned, it seemed unethical. But I went anyways, my sponsor and srink told me to go in with an open mind. The therapy seemed to he working, but one day the therapist told me to my fave that my wife should have left me. The next morning we got into an argument and I brought up the comment. She crashed out as my daughter would say, which when did they change that?, and went to her therapist and canceled the couples work.

Then told me it was my fault, that I wasn't doing the work, and it was on me to find a replacement.
From the work I have been doing in AA and my personal recovery work that she is coming from a pla e of pain and fear. That I was a verbally abusive drunk that took my pain out on her to make myself feel better. I remember things now working my 4th step that make me think that her therapist was right, but I can't go back and change it. 
    
I found 4, all of which she rejected. Then she said her therapist was worried I was taking to long to find someone and wanted to know if I would go in and talk with her therapist to ""work out your guys problem to see if we can continue couples work""
I was floored but just agreed. Thay was last week.

I went in and up front told the shrink that I never said I wouldn't work with her, and even if I felt that.way I would find a new one first. She was shocked, told me my.wife made a.huge point that I said I didnt want to work with her. I said I questioned the ethics of it during an argument and literally in the middle of it my wife drove to her and canceled the couples work.

Then blamed me for it. The therapist talked to me for 15 then my wife for 15. On the way home my wife was pissed. She asked me if I blamed her for canceling the couples work. I said I told my side of the event.My wife then said that her version of events should matter, that me mentioning an ethical question ment I was taking notes and not putting in the effort. My sponsor and my therapist know I keep a journal for the past 9 months.

She argued all the way home and I was just exhausted emotionally and broke down and did it again and called her a wh@re . Bad shit I know and immediately felt horrible. I moved all my.stuff upstairs. We own a duplex and its me and the boys 17m 12m and me 45m upstairs, and girls 8f 10f 38f . I sent her an email limiting communication unless financial or about the kids. I used gpt to make a neutral as possible one, just outlining loose financial arrangements and child arrangements. Only deep stuff in couples work, which is her shrink again. I called 2 or 3 local lawyers and picked a decent rated one.and told her. 
She said I am an asshole for getting a lawyer and lying to her shrink. That splitting the money, planning for the worst and outlining rules of what can and cannot be talked.about in front of the kids is controlling. 
So am I the asshole for separation and rule setting for my anxiety and sobriety and not hers? ",NTA for the separation but  but why the fuck is wh0re of all things the insult you jump to? You better not be saying that to your daughters
AITAH for letting my cheating boyfriend and his best friends expose themselves at my birthday?,"AITAH?

This happened about 4 years ago with my ex (both 30). We dated for 2 years and lived together during the pandemic. From the beginning, he often talked about his two longtime best friends, sisters Drizella and Anastasia, whom he’d known since they were teenagers. He always said Drizella was his best friend and Anastasia his second. Because of the pandemic, I heard about them long before I met them, and when I finally did, I genuinely liked both of them and thought they were nice. I had no issue with their friendship.

Later, I found out my ex was cheating on me repeatedly. To convince me he’d changed, he offered to give me full access to all his social media accounts. While going through old conversations, I discovered he’d been obsessed with Anastasia for years. Even while we were together, he constantly sent her sexual compliments, reacted to her stories, and flirted. She never reciprocated, but it was still completely disrespectful. After I confronted him, he suddenly started claiming Anastasia was actually his real best friend.

After we broke up and later got back together, Anastasia’s behavior toward him changed. At his birthday, she was overly familiar—calling him “baby,” pulling him aside, following him into rooms. My friends noticed. My ex said I was overthinking. She even started commenting on his pictures how handsome he was and how strong he looked, all of this in a public way never on DM’s

At that point, I decided I needed proof, so my birthday party became a deliberate setup to confirm whether this behavior was intentional or just in my head.

I planned a party with a strict guest limit. I told my ex I was not comfortable inviting Anastasia. As a compromise, I invited Drizella and her boyfriend and clearly asked for confirmation weeks in advance, explaining that if they didn’t confirm, I’d invite someone else.

Drizella never replied.

I told my ex in advance that if she showed up last minute with Anastasia, it would prove they were doing this on purpose. I also told him that if that happened, he would have to tell them they couldn’t come.

A few hours before the party, Drizella finally messaged saying she was coming—and added she’d be bringing Anastasia because her boyfriend was “busy.”

Exactly as predicted.

My ex told them they couldn’t come due to no confirmation and guest limits. Drizella then admitted they knew I didn’t like Anastasia and came specifically because of that. They insulted me and made it clear it was deliberate.

For once, my ex realized I wasn’t imagining things and cut them off. They later tried to stir more drama, but even their own dad apologized.

We broke up for good two years later. He’s no longer friends with them. Everyone now knows how a liar and cheater he was and confirm his friends were also really toxic within their friends too.

So Reddit… AITAH for setting a trap to protect my boundaries at my own birthday?

**EDIT 1:** 🔓

**Why now? Just ran into a mutual friend and made me remember everything so I decided to post here since I actually never talked about it.**

**EDIT 2:** 🙃

**I know I was definitely stupid to stay in that relationship but as I mentioned before, I create a dependency towards him. Also he was a very narcissistic person who kind of start making me believe I was going crazy, there was a lot of gaslighting, lies, and there were also constant promises of change which even though I knew they weren’t true I ended up thinking he was the only one that would love me. I also went in a horrible depression for all those years and he kind of took advantage of that. Also he always presented himself as a really “nice” and “innocent” guy and everyone believed it even my family. And since I never hide my character or ideas, they always thought I was the bad one in the relationship and I ended up thinking that too.**

**For those wondering what was the reason to finally break up with him, was that I decided to move out to another country and while I was there, he tried something with a friend of mine, who obviously told me everything. I ended up blocking him and we haven’t speak since then.**

**I’ve been single, working on myself. Of course I learned from that awful experience and now I’m very picky whenever I met a guy. If I notice any red flag I just discard them right away.**",Did you figure out why you put up with so many red flags and such obvious disrespect?
AITAH  for telling my situationship I like someone?,"So, I've been seeing this guy on and off for about 3 months (both in our mid 30s). We slept together 3 times and other times we just hang out as friends. I was clear I didn't want  a relationship and honestly, despite being very attractive, he's not exactly relationship material for me and he was cool with that, we could go on days or even weeks without texting and it was totally fine. Plus, at the end of jan he'll go abroad for work for 6 months, so again, the arrangement was good for both of us. On  NYE we decided to go to the same party, some of my friends would be there, and we agreed we'd go back to mine afterwards. We both migled, socialized and talked to different people, he actually talked to a couple of women for quite some time.

Now, there is a guy I have a big crush on, but not sure if he's available or if he's interested (he was not at the party), my friends know about him and during the night the topic came up again and my friend started teasing me about him and we started joking. The situationship guy happened to overhear and asked about it, so I jut decided to be honest and say ""oh, there's a guy I like, but he's probably already in a relationship ahaha story of my life"". He didnt say anything about it, the night went well until late. At the end, around 3-4 am, he told he wanted to go home and didn't want to go back at mine, I didn't think much of it, I just thought he was tired and bit drunk.

When we went back home he checked on me, asking if I got home safe, we said goodnight and that was it. I was a bit disappointed that he didn't want to spend the night together but again, I thought he was simply tired. 

Then the day after, out of nowhere, he sent me a series of passive-aggressive texts where he basically accused me of ""being horrible for spending the night talking about another guy and wanting to go back home with him afterwards"". I clarify that it was not the whole night, I joked with my friends probably about 10 minutes out of 7 hours😅, but yeah, from there the conversation went downhill and he became quite snarky and offensive, I'll copy the conversation here (OP is me, SG is the guy):

SG: Shame you didnt really talk last night

OP: At the end I was a bit cold and tired

SG: Think you spent more time talking about that guy you fancy than talking to me that night

OP: I wanted to talk you and hoped to have some alone time with you, but it seemed you wanted to talk to other people and mingle as well, and it's NYE so I didn't  interfere

SG: No its ok, if you have other things going on im very glad i didnt go back to yours

OP: I have nothing going on  and I travelled a few times to your town to spend time together,  but at the same time, you don't really behave like you really like me or anything, so I feel free to look around myself.

SG: Thats what we call a Dog move. Especially trying to take me home whilst also spending the night chatting to your mate about another guy. no thanks. Keep away

OP: Fair enough, I didn't really spent the whole night chatting about that person, we also talked about you and the fact that you're leaving for 6 months, and you never really told me what your intentions or expectations are, we never discussed these things and I haven't even heard from you for 2 weeks before Christmas holidays, so I felt free to meet other people.

SG: Its called communication and you knew i was in austria. Stop trying to justify yourself.

OP: You were in austria for 6 days

SG: Yeah, nice

OP: I think you could find a moment to text me and catch up in 16 days, couldn't you? I understand you were busy and that's why I gave you space, although when I was in Rome I found the time to text you and in other occasions I was the one reaching out, anyway that's something minor for me, I didn't fault you for that but, when someone is really into me they show it, and I didn't feel like I was receiving much from you, plus no talk or clarification about what you expected. I was not talking for an hour about another person, it was probably less than 10 minute. If you had talked about a chick you liked, I wouldn't have said anything,  I'm actually the one joking about you meeting other girls, which BTW you do all the time, I don't expect you to be on the bench just cause we sometimes see each other.

SG: Im not really interested in your excuses. You are just saying them to make yourself feel better

OP: Again, you're focusing on me without even reflecting a bit on your own attitude. I refuse to be treated as an unserious person, I'm very loyal and affectionate, but i'm not a charity, I'm not giving to someone if I'm receiving just the crumbs, probably we have different standards. All the best in your endeavours and future, I hope this year will bring you happiness. thanks for everything.

SG: Im done with this conversation sorry. Reflect on the night and stop deflecting... please...

  
After this he basically ghosted me for a week, I tried to reach out again asking if he was feeling better and if he was still upset and he cut me off with a ""what do you want?"" 

So yeah, of course it's a shame it ended this way, but I don't feel I've done anything wrong here, I actually smell narc vibes from him (which honestly I already noticed before) and I don't really like being called a b\*tch for that.

So, AITAH?","It seems like he’s mad he’s not your only option but doesn't want the responsibility of being a boyfriend. You didn't do anything wrong by chatting with friends about a crush at a party since you've been honest from the get go. Just take the ghosting as a win, block his negativity, and move on. Life is too short to deal with bullshit"
AITAH: wishing my ex a happy birthday,"It’s a lifetime ago since we dated, it was amicable and given the circumstances very mature, but tonight I saw my ex and her husband in the supermarket. We work in the same industry but she’s been on maternity leave, so I haven’t seen much of her this past year. We had a very quick catchup in the aisle as we passed one another. He walked off to go grab something and all I said as she and I parted was “And happy birthday for tomorrow”. 

The daggers I got from her husband from 5-8 metres away as I said that … not something I’m keen to see again. 

For context, we’ve known one another almost 30 years and dated in our 20s. We were together 4/5 years (she was 26 so I would have been almost 30), and as I say, the breakup was amicable, necessary and mature. She’s a 40yo mother of 3 who’s been married to him … nearly 7 years. ","NTA!

You just showed some respect and kindness.

Her hubby is defo insecure, bc why would he feel attacked?"
AITAH if I leave meetings earlier?,"AITAH - Hello, I am currently working with a senior colleague who always overdrafts any meeting and also creates collision with other meetings. He also often overbooks people and just keeps going on and on. So recently to give myself some break (toilet, coffee, …) I started leaving the meetings after they should have ended and come back 5-10 minutes later. Sometimes the meetings are already over and sometimes not.","You write a Slack/Teams message to your colleague in advance and say the following:

“Hi *x*, just to let you know I have another meeting directly after this one, so I have an absolute hard stop at *xx*:55. I’ll have to jump off then at the absolute latest, so if you need anything from me please let me know before then. Thanks!”

Don’t overthink it. Yes he’s clearly not prepping for and leading the meeting correctly, but it’s also on you to be organised."
AITAH for becoming emotionally distant from my girlfriend after repeatedly feeling ignored?,"My girlfriend (25F) and I (24F) have been together for about three months, and I genuinely like her. But lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m competing for her attention.

We’re in a tough spot financially, so going on actual dates isn’t really possible right now, which I understand. To me, though, spending time together at home still counts as quality time. I’ve had conversations with her about needing intentional time where it’s just us—no distractions. I want to be clear: I’ve never been the type to isolate a partner from friends or family, and I never will. But when you’ve been at work all day, or out with friends and family all day, I want some time together to decompress, talk, or even just sit with each other.

After our last conversation about this, she started telling me she’d spend some time with me before getting on her phone. I was honestly really happy about it. We’d come home, turn on music, smoke, and just sit together for about two hours—even if we didn’t talk much. It felt really nice. But that only lasted about a week.

After that, it dropped to about five or ten minutes. During that time she’s usually changing clothes or putting things away, and by the time she sits down, she’s straight on her phone—watching TikTok or talking to her best friend.

Fast forward to about four nights ago. We had just moved into a new place and didn’t have internet for a few days. As soon as the internet came on, she immediately got on the phone with her best friend. At first, I didn’t think much of it. But four hours went by. Then six hours. It was time to go to bed. She told her best friend goodnight, and her friend was about to hang up—when my girlfriend stopped her and said, “I’m not hanging up. You’re staying right here on the charger.”

At that point, I was furious. I had gotten none of her time all night, and now I was expected to go to sleep while she stayed on the phone with her best friend.

Since then, I’ve been quieter. I’m not being negative, just more observant and reserved. Every day feels the same. Yesterday, I noticed she was trying to be more affectionate than usual, but my mind keeps telling me it’s temporary. She has a pattern where if I’m quiet for too long—regardless of why—she’ll play around with me briefly to make me laugh, then go right back to TikTok or her best friend.

I can tell she’s finally noticing the change in how I act toward her. She seems confused and a little hurt, but I haven’t changed my demeanor. Usually, when I try to talk to her about how I feel, it turns into an argument. She ends up crying, I end up comforting her, and I’m still left feeling unheard.

So, **AITAH for staying emotionally distant until she actually changes her behavior for real, even though I can see that she’s hurt by my distance?**","You’re becoming emotionally distant after 3 months? Oh dear. That’s usually the death knell of a relationship much further down the line. 

But wait, you live with each other this early on?? Are you speedrunning this relationship?"
UPDATE: AITAH for not wanting to get tattooed by my SIL,"previous post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/rqBpYVurxI

 so it's been a second since this first happened, and there's been quite a few updates to cover since new years day. 

My girlfriend and I enjoyed our holidays, and once things settled down a bit we visited MIL personally. We had a discussion, explained our side of the story beyond what SIL shared with her after we left. Apparently full context wasn't given, but I'm not particularly surprised about that. MIL was apologetic about her behavior and even eventually agreed with us that it was, in fact, a shitty gift overall, and her siding with SIL so quickly was the wrong move to make. 

That's all aside, however, to what happened after. I haven't met my SIL's family, but one of her sisters reached out to me after she visited them and shared all that happened. Apparently she had enough of SIL twisting stories, which she's been doing forever, and wanted to let me know what she'd been saying to her side of the family about us. Despite never bringing it up to me or my girlfriend, SIL tells her sisters that we've both been hitting on her and making her uncomfortable since she met the family, and called us homophobic terms, amongst other things about other members of her in-law family. My girlfriend and I have been together consistently since high school, and have only met SIL on family gathering occasions. I know for a fact neither of us have ever made any romantic gestures towards her. She's also never expressed being uncomfortable at all around us. As I said before, we didn't know her well, but generally got along well with her before all of this. Considering what her sister has shared with me, though, this is apparently common behavior for her. 

So, MIL apologized to us, SIL is a serial attention seeker and liar. MIL doesn't intend to continue to invite SIL to any family events. I know some people really wanted me to give MIL the giftcard, and while I didn't do that, my girlfriend took inspiration and gave it to her brother. We've yet to know if he has any intentions to actually let his wife tattoo him, but from the sound of things, not many people are. Including her sister. 

Hope y'all enjoyed your holidays! Happy late new year! ",Ten guesses how long that marriage will last!!! Even her own family can’t stand her. Wonder what her husband thinks about his own sister “hitting “ on his wife? He already knows what a douche he’s married to.
AITAH for telling a girl what my friend said about her after they hooked up?,"AITAH for telling a girl what my friend said about her after they hooked up?

Context - This story involves 4 people. Me, my friend (who I'll refer to as K), a girl he has been talking to (who I'll refer to as G), and my co-worker (who I'll refer to as H). I have also been working with G for almost a year now. Everybody within this story is between the ages of 18-19.

So on Saturdays, I usually work from 12pm - 8pm. G comes into work from 3pm - 9pm. At around 12:30pm, I received a snap from a group chat that I was in with K and a couple other friends. The snap was of a girl in K's bed putting her clothes back on. Now at first, I felt bad for G, but only because I assumed that it was another girl. Then at around 3:30pm, after G had arrived to work, I had asked her if she was at K's house last night. She responded smiling and laughing, saying that she was. In that moment my heart had dropped. I had continued to look at the group chat to see the other people in the group chat refer to who I assume is G as ""fat"" and ""ugly"", with K responding that he agreed and that he only ""cracked"" to add to his ""growing list"". In that moment, I was trying to decide to keep this to myself, or tell G. I had to sit with this for awhile and wait for H to come up  to where I was at around 6:00pm so that I could ask for his opinion. At 6, I told H about the situation and he too contemplated with the decision on telling G about all of this. At 7:00pm, we decided that the right thing to do was to tell G about what K had been saying. I waited till G had a moment and I had told her. I had showed her the pictures and texts from the group chat. At first, she thought I was joking, but I told her I wasn't. I was then called away from G to come and finish some things up before I left at 8. The entire time while finishing things up, I kept looking over at G, she was still dealing with customers with a smile, but when there were no customers, she was typing faster than the flash could run. She walked up to me and asked if she could take a picture of the snap of her. I said sure because I knew that the friendship between me and K was already over because I ""broke the bro code"". After she had taken the picture, I was franticly looking at my phone because I thought I was gonna get a text from K, but a text never came. But I got a notification from Snapchat saying that K had left the group chat, which removed all of his messages and snaps. I then checked if we were still friends on snap, and we weren't anymore. For the remainder of the night, G and I were just talking, with G thanking me from saving her from all of that, and me reassuring her that she didn't need any of that. At 8:00, I said goodbye to G, saying that if anything else comes of the situation, I'll text her. Nothing else did come of the situation. It is now the next day and I'm righting this before I go into work in a hour. I guess what I'm asking is if I should've stuck to the ""bro code"", or if I did the right thing in telling G

So AITAH?

Extra Context - At the time of writing this, me and K are still going on the same sweek (senior week)",NTA. Your friend is a huge asshole though. If I was that girl then I would’ve liked to know what was being said about me so I think you did the right thing 
AITAH Told my Matron of Honor to be my Bridesmaid instead,"Hi, I am need of some advice and kindness. AITHA?
I sadly let my matron of honor know I believe she should be a bridesmaid instead. 
This is my cousin, she is 28 and married. She lives in PA while I live in NY. She is one of the closest family members I have in my life. As I don’t have a lot of family. 

It was hard to get her on the phone, she never answers my texts, and when we do get on the phone. it’s to rant about how narcissistic her wife is and how’s she’s only with her because she feels bad for her as she has no one in her life. Needless to say I believe she’s just venting because in a few days they always reconcile and are back to normal. Well I invited her wife and her to my wedding. She let me know the wife said due to them not having it for a cat sitter of two cats she declined to attend. Out of anger she turned around and told the wife that it was okay she wasn’t invited anyway. 

This took me a back as it made me look like I didn’t want her wife there. 

Then she told me how her car is getting repoed, she may potentially get a divorce, she doesn’t have a job, she may have to find a new place, as her wife refuses to leave their apt due to it being very affordable at 800 a month and a list of other issues she has going on. 

I’m ngl. I felt bad, I felt like I was asking too much of her travel wise, money wise, time wise, and mental wise. I would never want my sister to waste her last to be my matron of honor. And for the record I’m not referring to my wedding itself but just the travel to ny alone to do some of these things would be money. an outfit, all of those things a wedding entails I felt she can contribute elsewhere to her betterment as she was going through a lot. so I let her know maybe it’s best if she was my bridesmaid because her problems come before my wedding. I also said I’d pay for her to come because I wanted her to attend but as my bridesmaid. She agreed but hasn’t rsvpd. All she said is our wedding hashtag is cute and it’s been radio silence. 

It saddens me that I let her know this but wanted to get advice on if I was an a**hole for doing this.","Nah, you’re not an AH. You were trying to look out for her well-being, and that’s a good thing. Sounds like she’s dealing with a lot right now, so maybe stepping back from the whole Matron of Honor thing was a smart call."
AITAH For telling my gf that her not listening to good advice is her issue,"There’s a lot more context behind this.

Last night, my girlfriend and I were talking on the phone. She has this friend who constantly makes her feel dumb. My girlfriend asked a simple academic question, and instead of answering properly, this friend went to their group chat and mocked her, saying she’s cowardly, panics too much, and that they had already discussed the issue before.

This isn’t a one-time thing. That friend regularly does this to her. She’s clearly insecure and projects it by putting my girlfriend down.

I tried to help by offering solutions. I told her she could either confront the friend or distance herself by switching sections. She didn’t want to do either and said she has no other solution.

I told her it’s okay because these are relatively new friends and she isn’t deeply attached to them. She replied that she doesn’t want to leave the friend group because of one person, which I thought was fair.

While I was talking, she went quiet. I started comforting her, but she wasn’t responding properly. I asked what was wrong. She didn’t reply the first time. I asked again multiple times.

Eventually, she said, “Everyone will leave me. I don’t fit in anywhere. I think I’m the problem.”

I reassured her and said that not everyone is meant for her, that she’s precious, she has me, and she isn’t the problem.

Then she brought up a past issue and said, “You were about to leave.”

I didn’t respond much to that, but for context, I had considered leaving at that time because she wasn’t listening to any of my problems. When I said I thought we were over, she asked me to stay and promised she would change. We’re still dealing with the same issues, but I’ve mostly let that go.

Toward the end of the conversation, I said that if she wanted to get back at her friend, she could give her a taste of her own medicine. I gave an example: if she suggests going to a place like CBTL, she could question or doubt her friend’s choice the same way that friend does to her.

She replied, “What if my other friend wants to go to CBTL?”

I said it was just an example.

She then started screaming at me. I asked why she was fighting with me when I had been calm the whole time and trying to help. I told her I was giving advice and maybe the real issue was that she didn’t want to listen.

She hung up.

 

So,AITAH ?","NTA but I’d suggest she consider therapy to help her not feel so bad about herself.  The truth is most women’s don’t want fixes, they just want to be heard and understood without always getting a solution given to them."
AITAH for representing myself to a Reunion,"I got invited to my high school reunion and decided to represent myself instead of bringing a partner. Everyone else showed up with their spouses or plus-ones, and I felt a mix of pride and awkwardness. I wanted to show I’m happy solo, but some people kept asking why I wasn’t with anyone, which got annoying fast.

By the end of the night, a few classmates were impressed I went alone, but others whispered and made jokes. I don’t care about the gossip, but it made me wonder if I came off as weird or arrogant. I just wanted to enjoy the night on my own terms, not prove anything. AITAH for doing that?",I highly doubt that they were gossiping cause you came alone
AITAH for telling my mother that pregnancy sounds like a nightmare and I will not be having kids when I'm older?,"Me (15F) and my mother (49F) had been very close till I turned 13. After that, I had to shift in with my father to another state. My parents aren't divorced; they live in different states. It doesn't really affect them because they had an arrange marriage and have a total of two kids. My elder brother (20M) lives with my mom in her state *(it is not unusual in Asia to live with parents even after you're married)* and goes to college there. I live with my father and go to school in his state. 

Since the start of ninth grade *(my first ever grade without my mum)*, I have developed quite a few feminist and rather 'democratic socialist' ideas, and have become comfortable in my own self to some extent. I was diagnosed with anxiety in seventh grade, and was not really able to control it well, but with a few phone calls with my mum, it all stabilized. 

Anyways, comes October and I get into my first ever relationship. He was a horrible person *(no he was literally horrible I could rant for hours about this)*. We are an orthodox muslim family, so this was not taken well. I did not only break it off with the guy *(which was inevitable, these things don't really stick)*, but I was also consistently shamed for getting into a relationship. I bit my lip whenever I had to hear all the beration and stayed silent, because I didn't know what else to do, and what else could I do anyways? *(A bit of context: I used to be in an all girl's elementary and middle school before switching to this co-ed high school)*

Moving on, that was when it started. Me and my mother slowly drifted apart emotionally, and now I am in her state for vacation. Day before yesterday, while talking about something random, I brought up the fact that I will choose to adopt rather than have my own kids because pregnancy sounds like a nightmare to me. She got pretty angry at that and told me that I was too complicated to be understood, and told me to be a bit more like my brother, who was laying silent behind me on the bed. This hurt, because the past months of constant scolding and taunting washed over me and I just left the room to avoid any sort of verbal fight with her. 

I was then virtually dragged back in to the room by my brother, and then, my mother asked me to look up psychologists for myself. Admittedly, I hurt her by telling her I would look one up for her too because she needs it as much as I do for not coming to terms with my opinions and letting them go **because in the end, they are just my opinions.** We didn't talk much after that, and yesterday, she asked me if I still identify as a muslim. My religion is something I've struggled with, not really being able to keep up with the daily prayers and stuff, and she knows this. I just told her I couldn't talk to her at that moment and left the room. 

Later at night, while laying beside her *(we share a room whenever I visit her in her state)*, she tells me that I'm trying to become too grown up and trying to seperate myself from the family. I tell her ""No mum, I'm just setting up a few boundaries which I think are necessary in our relation."" She told me that I didn't need to have boundaries with her, and I declined that offer. 

""You need boundaries with everyone. You have yours with me, and I have mine with you."" She turned her back towards me and slept. 

Today, she screamed at me for not giving a maths test in front of her presence. My exams are coming up, and she tests me now and then when she returns from work, but I was done with maths for the day. I genuinely don't like the subject, and I told her I had already studied it for two hours in the morning and didn't really need to study it more. She yelled and I yelled back. Later, when I told this whole thing to my brother, he told me to bite my tongue and apologize. I told him that I wanted an apology too because my feelings were hurt, and I will apologize too if she agrees to apologize later. He told me to accept the fact that I'm aggressive and just do it. That she's our mother and can say whatever she wants. I told him no and he told me to bear with whatever's happening right now then. 

I don't even know if this comes under boundary setting. I just told her I don't wanna have kids. I feel guilty now because I do think I'm on the aggressive side. 

[Update: My brother forced a conversation with her on me, and I was forced to apologize. I did raise my voice quite a bit, but the situation turned on me lol. All her past innocences were brought up, where I had been admittedly wrong, and that erased the whole thing apparently?? Anyways, I had to apologize in the end. I never even got one back; is it gaslighting when she told me it's all okay to have made these mistakes, when I lowkey think I don't? Anyways, I still feel guilty :(]","NTA

your mom's mad because you have opinions that don't match hers, not because you actually did anything wrong. saying pregnancy sounds like a nightmare is just... an opinion? about your own hypothetical future body? that's not aggressive, that's having a thought

the ""you don't need boundaries with me, i'm your mother"" thing is a massive red flag btw. that's not how boundaries work. that's actually exactly the kind of relationship where you DO need them.

your brother's advice to just shut up and take it because ""she's our mother"" is classic eldest-child-who-didn't-rock-the-boat energy. easy to say when you're not the one getting screamed at over math tests.\]

you're 15 and figuring out who you are. that's literally your job right now. your mom's struggling because the version of you that's emerging isn't the one she planned for. that's a her problem."
AITAH for cutting off my mother-in-law and putting my foot down about her behavior around my child?,"I (23F) am married to my husband (24M), and we had our first son last year. This situation involves my mother-in-law (50F), who has had a complicated and often harmful relationship with my husband his entire life.

She was not very present while he was growing up. She was married multiple times, traveled frequently for work as a travel nurse, and chose to move two hours away from him when he was in 7th grade. Because of this, my husband was primarily raised by his great grandparents until he moved out with me at 20. Both of those great grandparents passed away within the last year.

My MIL has always made situations about herself. These examples are just some of many incidents that have happened throughout my husband’s entire life. At our wedding (which was planned on short notice), she made a big deal about “making it work” to attend because her travel contract started the same day instead of simply requesting an extension. She cussed me out the day before my baby shower over wrinkled tablecloths at the rental company, even though she volunteered to plan the shower. Two years ago, she also punched my husband in the face during a vacation.

Despite this history, when we had our baby, we tried to include her. She asked if she could pick our son up from his full-time childcare (my mom) a few days a week and bring him to our house before we got home from work to help us out. We agreed.

Over the next three months, there were consistent issues. She would let him take very long naps that disrupted his schedule, leave our garage door open for hours, leave messes throughout the house (food left on the high chair, toys everywhere), and make repeated comments criticizing our parenting—saying we didn’t wipe him well enough, that his diaper rash was our fault, or that we weren’t feeding him the “right” things.

She also became very upset that we are not raising our son religious. Despite us being clear about this, she played Christian music for him while she had him and told us we were bad parents for not raising him with religion.

On Thanksgiving, in front of family, she continued making comments about our parenting and bragging about how she lets him sleep however long she wants when she has him. I finally responded back, including pointing out that she does not respect our rules or our home. She began yelling at me and threatened to never pick our child up again—something we never asked her to do in the first place.

At that point, I told her she would no longer be around our son due to the ongoing negativity, disrespect, and refusal to follow our boundaries.

Since then, her parents have sided with her and painted me as the villain. Their response has essentially been, “That’s just how she is, and there’s nothing we can do about it.” Her mother even blamed my husband’s great grandmother (who raised him and passed away a few months ago) for my MIL’s behavior.

I finally told them they are part of the problem for enabling her behavior, especially when they have also kept my husband’s biological father’s side of the family away for years due to “behavior issues,” yet excuse everything my MIL does.

So, AITA for keeping my son away from all of them and going no contact until there is a genuine apology and a clear plan moving forward that shows they will respect our boundaries?",Your kid. You can do what you want. NTA
AITAH for telling my friend why she failed her exam?,"I (26M) have a really close friend (25F) 

She had been giving some exams for a while to get into some very prestigious masters programs.  But she didn't get through and decided to quit trying for masters. 

She went on to completely change fields and start a small business. Said that while she loved science, it was too much for her. 

While I dont think her small business will last long because it's a dying industry, I did my best to support her. 

Yesterday, I called her to catch up on her life. It had been long since we last talked. 

I told her I have been getting spam calls every day for the past few weeks. And was irritated because I got one as I was talking to her. 

She responded with ""hey! Atleast that's 7 more calls than I get! Good for you!""

I said ""I've gotten way more than 7 calls. See? Your math is why you didnt pass your exams""

She just changed the subject and we ended the call soon after. 

My friends think I was an AH. I tried to talk to her but she says she's busy and can't talk. 

AITAH?","yta dude what the hell

she made a self-deprecating joke about being lonely and you went ""this is why you're a failure""

like she already quit something she loved because it was too hard on her and you just... casually drop that in conversation? as a ""joke""?

also the math was fine, she was saying she gets zero calls, 7-0=7. you corrected her incorrectly AND insulted her life choices in one swing"
AITAH for telling my husband I’m considering divorce after an argument about traveling without him?,"I (30F) told my husband (30M) today that I’m considering divorce after a big argument. I really need outside perspectives. I don’t want to talk to friends because I don’t want to badmouth him. I love him dearly, but I need to be honest about how I feel. This might be long, so please bear with me.

We’ve been together since 2021 and married last year. We live in a foreign country, and since we got together, we’ve basically never been apart. We eat together, celebrate everything together, and spend almost all our time together. We love each other, but like any relationship, we’ve had downs.

Recently, I’ve realized something that’s been bothering me: he doesn’t support me when I want to do things that don’t include him.

For context, he is my first and only partner. I didn’t have any relationship until I was 26. I’ve always been independent — I used to backpack alone, eat out alone, and enjoy my own company. To him, this is strange. For example, if I tell him I ate at a food court alone, he’ll ask, “How can you eat alone and not come home?” What’s normal for me feels wrong to him, and I’ve been trying to understand his side.

I once planned a girls’ trip, but it ended up being me, him, and my three friends — not really a girls’ trip anymore. I understand that we’re in a foreign country away from family, and I’m basically his only close person here. He works from home and hasn’t built much of a social circle, while I’ve been here for 10 years and have friends across the country. But lately, it feels like because he can’t be alone, I’m also not allowed to be alone.

Whenever I plan something without him, I feel like I’m made to feel guilty — like I’m a bad partner for wanting independence.

Recently, he lost his job. I’ve been supporting us alone — paying rent, bills, and even his expensive visa so we can stay together. I didn’t complain, because he’s my husband and I know life happens.

I had a job opportunity during New Year that required me to work an event. It paid well and would help us financially. He was upset that I’d spend New Year away from him. After a lot of convincing, he agreed. I even arranged it so he could wait nearby and we could still be together at midnight. Luckily, I finished early — but it was still surrounded by drama and stress.

Another issue happened at my company Christmas party. A coworker asked me to dance during a fun group dance session. It wasn’t intimate — just casual dancing, no touching. My husband was there. But he saw it as disrespectful and ended up pushing the guy. We left early, and after that, my company stopped allowing plus-ones. The following year, he still made me feel guilty for attending, even though I’m a department head and helped organize the event. I kept updating him the whole night, but we still fought when I got home. It felt suffocating.

Now to the biggest issue:

I’m from Southeast Asia. Traveling to Europe is a huge dream of mine. I come from a non-wealthy family and I still help support my family back home. Six years ago, my sister and I planned a Europe trip. We completed visas, tickets, paperwork — everything — then lockdown happened and the trip was canceled. It was heartbreaking.

Now, our European friends (who are like family to us) are again offering to sponsor and help us visit. This is a rare opportunity, and I’ve been vocal about how much this means to me.

My husband is angry that I’m considering going without him. He says my first time in Europe should be with him and no “other people,” even though I explained these are my sister and close family friends. He insists that if I go, I should buy him a ticket too — even though he currently has no job and I’m already supporting both of us. Buying both tickets would drain my savings completely.

When I said I can’t afford to pay for both of us, he said, “Then why go at all? Why not wait until I’m stable?” He also brought up everything he’s ever spent on me, saying he gave from the heart even when he had less than me — and now I’m unwilling to do the same.

But I never asked him to spend excessively on me. I’ve always been careful with money. The only reason I have savings is because I plan and budget. If I pay for everything now, I’ll be left with nothing — and we’re already in a fragile financial situation.

He also says that because Europe is where he’s from, it’s wrong for me to go there without him, even though I’m not going to his hometown — I’m visiting my friends.

To me, this feels like another situation where my independence and dreams are seen as a threat. I feel unsupported. But I also understand that he wants shared experiences as a couple.

Today, after the argument, I told him I’m considering divorce. I feel torn between loving him and wanting to live my life without feeling controlled or guilty for wanting normal independence.

So… AITAH?


Edit 1:

I also want to add this, because I don’t want to paint him as a bad person. He is a great guy apart from when it comes to me doing things on my own, like the issues I mentioned. He takes care of me, never raises his voice at me, never badmouths me, and shows love through acts of service. I genuinely feel safe with him — except when I need to do things independently.

During our first year together, he was very wealthy. We lived a luxurious lifestyle. We traveled a lot and in a very fancy way. He covered for everything. I’m grateful I got to experience that, but I never asked for it or demanded it. I was still navigating my first-ever relationship, and I appreciated everything without expecting it. And when he later messed up financially and lost stability, I stepped in and covered everything without hesitation — because that’s what partners do.

Now, because he doesn’t want me to go on this Europe trip without him, I brought up that I’ve already spent a huge amount on his visa and I cannot afford to also buy him a ticket. That’s when he said, “I spent everything on you without hesitation because I wanted the best for you, so you should be able to do the same.”

But I am very careful financially. I save, plan, and think long-term. I told him I truly want to go with him — but I’m not willing to drain all my savings for one trip. Then he said I’m “not willing to spend on us” and that I’m selfish. He’s still clouded by that belief.

My head is spinning. I have a migraine from all of this. It’s been quiet in the house since I brought up the word divorce.

I don’t know what to feel anymore.
",Normally in Coercive Controller posts the OP tells us loads about what a great guy her SO is. OP you haven’t told us a single positive thing about this man. You KNOW he will not change so if you decide to stay with him you’ll have to put up with being stifled for the rest of your life.
AITAH for telling my bf I would not marry him unless he stops drinking?,My (30F) bf (26M) was talking to me about getting married. We had a rough year in which his drinking has been esponentially getting more and more problematic to me up until I saw him drinking a whole bottle of whisky in 48hrs. We’ve had arguments about it since I have already told him over and over again I don’t appreciate him drinking so much and if he needs help he should seek therapy. He rejects my advice and keeps having the same attitude towards it saying he drinks responsibly to relax after work. The other night we were talking about getting married and I told him to seriously consider the idea that I might reject him if he asks unless he gets a better relationship with alcohol. For the ones that might ask me why I haven’t left it’s because he’s a good guy and I know he’s simply in a bad place right now. And I love him fondly I just don’t want to jump into marriage if I don’t see a change in his life (which will be mine if we get married). AITAH?,Daughter of an alcoholic here: Threats don’t work. He’s not going to change until he wants to. He doesn’t want to. Get out now. And do not have children with this guy.
WIBTAH for not showing up for a date?,"Like I like that girl a little we talked for about 2 weeks but my ex and I got into taking again after our meet in college. Now everything is complicated. I was out with my ex on that day and I forgot I had asked that girl  out for date on the same day. I didn't showed up

WIBTAH? I like the new girl but I'm in messy situation cause I don't think I've moved on from my last yet","100% YTA don’t string someone along while waiting to figure out what you want.. that type of relationship will never work because that person was never your first choice…break it off, save her the trouble.. and either work it out with your ex, or don’t."
AITAH for wanting to quit after being called too sensitive for bringing up workplace issues?,"Hi everyone. (late 20s, M)  I’m a technical drafter/designer in a small office (construction/engineering plans). I’ve been here a while, I like my coworkers, and I want to do good work. This isn’t a “my boss is evil” post, I’m trying to sanity-check whether I’m overreacting or if the situation is genuinely unreasonable.

Text is partially written with the help of an LLM since my English isn't the best.

Lately the environment has become exhausting because the expectations are extremely high (“perfect” plans), but the workflow and communication are chaotic. I brought up these issues in a calm, solution-oriented way during my employee review, and my boss basically dismissed me and called me “too sensitive” for even raising them. That reaction is a big reason I’m considering leaving.

Here’s what’s been going on:

1) Constant project shuffling + “everyone owns everything”

Projects get moved around a lot. There isn’t a stable “owner” for many jobs, tasks are assigned, reassigned, and passed around based on whoever is available or whatever feels urgent in the moment. At the same time, we’re told we are personally responsible for the plans we produce.

In practice that means: I’m expected to jump into a project I haven’t touched in weeks (or never worked on), instantly know every detail, and deliver quickly. The context switching is brutal. It takes time to re-load a project mentally, find the latest decisions, understand what changed, and avoid stepping on someone else’s work. That time is rarely acknowledged, and the pressure is always “just get it done.”

2) Decisions don’t stay stable (site meetings → changed later)

We’ll agree on certain items in meetings and then those agreements get reversed later because something else became urgent or because my boss suddenly “sees it differently.” Sometimes it turns into a rush job: “We need this now, do it this way,” even if it contradicts what was previously agreed.

That’s where mistakes happen. When the target keeps moving and you’re told to sprint, you can’t guarantee perfection. But when mistakes happen, the blame tends to land on whoever touched the drawing last.

3) Templates and standards are inconsistent, but I’m expected to “just know”

This is one of my biggest frustrations: there isn’t one clear, official standard for how drawings should be set up. Different people use different templates, layer structures, labeling styles, plotting settings, etc. If my output doesn’t match what my boss expects, I’m sometimes told after the fact: “You should have used the template from Project X” or “Do it like Person Y.”

The problem is I’m not told that upfront and there’s no single source of truth. So I can do something that is completely reasonable, but later it’s treated like a “mistake” because it doesn’t match someone else’s preferred system.

4) Projects start without a proper briefing because the boss is unavailable

More and more often, we don’t review a project together before I start drafting. My boss is frequently out of the office or “doesn’t have time right now,” so I’m expected to begin anyway. That forces me to make assumptions.

Then later, when my boss finally looks at it, I get: “That’s not what I meant” or “Why did you do it like that?” Which leads to rework, wasted hours, and sometimes errors, because the foundation wasn’t confirmed at the beginning.

5) Public blame and dismissive communication

On top of the process issues, the communication style can be harsh. There have been moments where criticism happens in front of others, and it feels less like problem-solving and more like getting put on the spot.

In my employee review, I tried to bring all of this up respectfully. I didn’t come in yelling or accusing  
  
I had concrete suggestions:

\-assign a clear owner per project  
\-clarify weekly priorities (what’s #1, what can wait)  
\-make one official template/standards folder  
\-do a short “start briefing” (even 10 minutes) or written go-ahead before I begin a plan

keep feedback and criticism private when possible

Instead of engaging with the suggestions, my boss called me “too sensitive” (like I’m a “mimosa”) for bringing up problems. That stung, but more importantly it made me feel like the issues will never be addressed, because if you label someone, you don’t have to deal with what they’re saying.

Where I might be the AH / why I’m conflicted

I know every job has stress and last-minute changes. I can handle urgent tasks sometimes. I’m not asking for a perfect world, and I’m not claiming I never make mistakes. I just don’t think it’s fair to demand “perfect” output while also:

\-constantly reshuffling projects  
\-changing decisions after the fact  
\-having no consistent standards  
\-skipping the initial briefing/approval step

I also feel guilty because I like the team and I don’t want to burn bridges. But being dismissed like that in an official review makes me think the culture won’t change.

I’m currently considering leaving if I get another offer. Part of me wonders if I’m overreacting or if I should just “toughen up.” Another part of me thinks: if your boss responds to process concerns by insulting your personality, that’s a red flag.

Am I the asshole for planning to quit (if I get a new offer) after being called “too sensitive” for raising workflow issues?  
Or is it reasonable to leave when “perfect” is demanded but the system is set up to create mistakes?","NTA , you didn’t complain, you identified real process failures and even brought solutions, and being called “too sensitive” is just a lazy way to dodge accountability. Wanting to leave a place that demands perfection while refusing structure is self-respect, not weakness."
AITAH for thinking my SS behaviour needs serious intervention and his bio mothers relationship with him is questionable?,"Apologies this is a long one, appreciate any of you who can make it to the end.

I have been with my partner(39M) for over 2 years, he has an 8 year old son who I first met when he was 6. I noticed some questionable behaviours when I first met him but put it down to his age and having a split family. After two years, his behaviour has only gotten worst and I’m worried the way his mother is raising him is going to turn him into an entitled, disrespectful adult with no independence and low self esteem that will manifest in hurting other people.

Context:

Biological mother has him almost full time, we have him once a fortnight from friday to sunday afternoon. At his mothers SS(step son) gets special meals cooked for him round the clock, unlimited access to TV and technology, constant praise (which I’m not necessarily against but in tandem with other things it becomes problematic), mum carries him all the time (to the point that I swear he still can’t walk properly and is always falling over and stumbling - he doesn’t have any developmental issue), he doesn’t like other children and prefers to spend time with his mum, mum treats him like a king he gets back massages every night and most nights he sleeps in her bed with her and her boyfriend. Mum also constantly lets him call the shots, if he doesn’t want to go to school she will let him stay home, if he doesn’t want to go to see his dad she willl call and say he isn’t coming etc… He also is very mean, he constantly makes mean remarks and shows no empathy, has told me to my face he hates the colour brown and then talked about how my eyes are ugly (I am dark skinned with dark eyes)… his father even raised how his comments about my appearance were mean and hurtful and he replied “I don’t care, it’s just my opinion” and doubled down on this response regardless of how much my partner tried to get him to empathise, he is mean to his dogs and gets jealous when we call them good boy interjecting “no I am a good boy” and yells at them all the time, when his pet centipede died he exclaimed “yaaaayyy now I can put him in my room” (to decorate it), he treats me like a slave, demands I make him food, get him water, carry his bags and rubbish and when I say no he responds “I’m a kid and it’s your job to take care of me” (he now resorts to throwing belongings and rubbish at me or trying to trick me into holding them), he dominates the whole house (refuses to let anyone sit on the couch as it is HIS den for watching TV, when I try to take space he bombards me in my room and refuses to leave and my partner does not intervene rven when I ask him to spend time with his son). Another huge concern is that he has told my partner and I that he can do whatever he wants because nothing happens. This manifests in him constantly being oppositional to everything we suggests, even if it is something that he enjoys - seemingly just for the sake of saying no, his mum also insists on still wiping his bum and he refuses to do it himself even though he can.

I’ve tried to kindly tell my partner we need to have better boundaries with him and try correct some of his behaviours but my partner thinks he will simply grow out of it. I think not. From everything I’ve researched it seems like if this behaviour and his enmeshment with his mother isnt addressed he is likely going to be an entitled adult with dependency issues. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to sound like I’m over reacting but I think these behaviours necessitate intervention. My partner also wants to have kids together in the next 3 years and I have lost all interest because I am so fearful that his son behaviour could worsen and I could be looking at him hurting our future kids…

I am also deeply disturbed by his mother, she treats him like her substitute boyfriend. She calls him during our short-lived weekends and they will both cry about how much they miss each other, I find her nightly massages and sleeping every night together a serious cross of boundaries and on top of that she’s now been organising him to have sleepovers at her boyfriend of 1.5 years house without her. At these sleepovers his son sleeps in same bed as boyfriend. I also brought this up to partner and said this is how children get groomed and my partner snapped at me for suggesting his son could be SA’d… I understand my partner being upset by the prospect but I think he should grow some balls and call mother out for this. It is unnecessary for the risk, I don’t care how much she trusts this boyfriend. The whole tactic of pedophiles is that they groom parents to trust them so fuck that! Also when her son is happy to ask any willing adult to wipe his bum and give him back massages I would be extra worried about him being vulnerable to such a situation.

I’ve tried to encourage my partner to stand up to ex but he is demoralised and under her thumb as she relinquishes contact with son every time he tries to co-parent, make suggestions or question some of her choices around his care. My partner is scared to go to court as he is a recovering alcoholic and believes she will use that against him as well as being concerned they will sway her way because she is the mother. Further she is a psychologist and is very good at manipulating and weaponising therapy speak to make her come out on top…

Unless my partner is a complete liar the mother sounds like a complete narcissist with enmeshment with her son. She has treated her two daughters terribly and the son is her golden child that can do no wrong. I am so concerned for the issues she is already causing him and how that will manifest down the line.

Am I the asshole for thinking this child has serious behavioural issues rhat need to be addressed and thinking the mothers relationship with him is verging on sick?!? Further, AITA, for being completely exhausted by this situation and wanting to avoid any moment with step son and any conversation about bio mum when seemingly nothing changes?!? I am exhausted of keeping my mouth closed while I watch a child grow increasingly more entitled, disrespectful and mean. I can’t cope with hearing complaints about bio step mum when nothing ever changes! FURTHER, why am I the only adult who is concerned about biological mother allowing son to have unsupervised sleepovers with her boyfriend and AITA for pointing out this is a huge risk for grooming and abuse to occur?!?!","Usually I don’t read long paragraphs like this, but after reading the first one, I had to keep going. You’re NTA, but you’ve got to remove yourself from the situation. Your husband is weak, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. What kind of man puts up with disrespectful and entitled children to the detriment of his wife and/or other children? Furthermore, he doesn’t plan on seeking help or calling for support at all. His wife being a psychologist has nothing to do with what’s going on, it’s just a convenient excuse. I get that you love your husband and all that, but if you really want to stay in this marriage, you need to start setting hard ultimatums.

CPS is well overdue a call for this child, a welfare check is needed and he needs to be seen by a child psychologist who isn’t related to him. You also need to tell your husband straight up, you will not have children with a man who is too weak to offer any kind of fight against his ex wife for his son. Ask him why you’d want a child with a man who is scared to not only discipline his own child, but cower when his child’s mother starts threatening to use his past against him? He needs to start recording these interactions, he needs to go to court and stop being a scared baby, and you need to start documenting everything that’s happening.

You are at the crossroads of destiny, time to choose which path you’re gonna take. NTA"
AITAH / Was this my fault all along? Is it normal for parents to throw away things their kid made for them?,"I’ve been thinking about something from my childhood a lot and I don’t know how to feel about it.

When I was a kid, I loved drawing and making things for my parents. But instead of being happy about it, they’d pick my drawings and most of the time they literally rip them up and throw them away.

I still remember sitting by the trash can, staring at my ripped paper and trying to glue or tape it back together. I was really young, and it hurt more than I think I realized at the time.

After that, I stopped drawing. I stopped making things for them, and eventually just stopped creating at all. It make me feel like I wasn't good enough at drawing, like I was doing something wrong just by trying.

The worst thing is, she hung up my neighbor kid her drawings, the young children in the family when they're making something, she always keeps it, she doesn't throw it away or rip it apart like she did with mine. (She still does this all)

I just starting to draw again, and it’s bringing all of this back up. I keep wondering if I was just too sensitive as a kid, or if this actually wasn’t okay.

Do other parents do this?
Is it normal to throw away things your kid made for you?
Was this somehow my fault?

I genuinely don’t know what “normal” is here, and I’m trying to figure out if I’m overreacting or if this is something that would mess with anyone.","What your mom did was deliberate & cruel. My mom was the same. In all the years at school, K-12, she never once had the time to see me in any extracurricular activities, not once. She died not knowing I ever played on my HS field hockey team. My brother, every fucking play, band concert, parades, every single time, and I got dragged to it. I hated it. I don't to my POS brother."
AITAH for refusing to go to a cousin's bachelor party due to financial reasons and where I'll just know I'll be pressured to binge drink?,"Hi everyone,

I (21M) am a university student currently living on a tight budget. My cousin (22M) is getting married soon and the groomsmen have all planned to go to a party destination for a week within Europe during the summer, so easily about £1k+ (about $1300). 

Now initially, I said yes because I thought it'd be feasible but due to a final-year project, it took out more money than I expected. Plus, I don't drink to get wasted anymore, I only really drink for the taste and for a light buzz.

I reached out and said on the bachelor party group chat that I'm really sorry and won't be able to come and I explained the rest like only having enough money for everyday stuff like commuting. At this point, I thought I was done. I explained myself well and thought they'd understand.

Nope! My other cousin started pressuring me to go. Their reasons are ""borrow money from people"", ""it's a once-in-a-lifetime experience"". To which £1000 is hard to borrow from people and there's plenty of bachelor parties to come. This was like the first bachelor party to happen in our group. Not to understate the importance of the party at all, I just think their reasoning was just a bit mad. I explained further and said no that I am a student and I really don't want that kind of debt following me since I am already expected to pay back in college fees. I said that I was going to make it up by buying the groom a really nice gift instead which was the least I could do.

I thought it ended here since they stopped asking. Turns out, the actual groom personally made his way to ask my younger brother to try persuade me to go. It was getting absurd at this point because I'm pretty sure by then they already removed me from the group chat. Now he could've asked me to my face, but had to use my younger brother as some kind of messenger. I immediately shut it down saying no.

Prior to me saying no to the party the first time, I was already in hot water with them because I said no to attending their after-parties because of money, low social energy and just a natural urge to sleep in my own bed rather than some hotel's. Hearing from my own younger brother that they all don't like me or that they all have beef with me because I didn't go to the afterparties is already hard to hear because I actually do care for them, or at least did care for them after this. 

There's more reasons to them like peer pressuring me to drink which is already an ugly thing to do and a huge reason for me to distance myself from them in parties. I was expecting my cousin's fiancée to understand why I just don't drink as much anymore or go to their afterparties, to which she low-key dismissed what I said and ignore me. More times this happened: Before my surgery, I was advised not to drink plus I didn't feel like drinking at all. When I went out with them and I refused a shot, she said ""One shot isn't going to kill you"".

That's how bad it's gotten. Now of course I wasn't going to explain to them that I don't want to binge drink at all because then they'll start shaming me and pressure me even more.

I already had some doubts with the destination because it was known for being a terrible place with alcohol and rowdy people and I wasn't in the right space/mind to go to an intense party environment for a week. Even if I magically come across a grand now, I probably still won't go considering how they've been acting.

I sought out other people's opinion, to which some people said I'm making cop-out excuses for not having enough money to go and others said that there's nothing I can do more.","You are at the perfect age to learn this mantra for the rest of your life: “Sorry, I can’t make it this time.” No excuses, no lies, no regrets. Also, stop seeking out your peers opinions. There is absolutely no reason to poll your friends or relatives. All it does is mess with your head."
AITAH for planning a family trip and not inviting my mom?,"My mom has been struggling in all aspects of life since before I was even born. She hit her lowest point about 6 years ago and it took her 4 years to get out of rock bottom. She’s still struggling, mentally and financially but not like it was a few years ago. 

My birthday is next month and I told my sisters I wanted to go on a vacation to Puerto Vallarta and they were down to go. Well, today we were all hanging out and my mom was with us and I mentioned something about the trip and my mom lost it. She yelled at me and said I was “fucked up” for not inviting her. I said she could go if she’s able to but she just stormed off. I know the answer, and she’s not able to afford it and she doesn’t have a passport. 

My sisters were defending her for being upset and said they would feel left out too. Which I get but I thought if I invited her, it would be tone deaf since I know there’s no possible way she could go. She doesn’t have a job or a passport so how could she, and it’s next month so there’s not a lot of time to plan for it. We made the plans on Christmas Day. 

AITAH for this?",If she’s not invited for good reason then why would you mention anything about the trip around her. That was insensitive
AITAH for wanting to leave?,"This situation has had me bothered for a week now.
Im 16, and my girlfriend is 15. 
***I made it very clear with her before giving her a relationship's commitment that I as an Amritdhari Sikh have been modest my whole life and haven't gave any wrong signals to any women in my entire life, So I expect her to be the same.*** Which she happily agreed to, replying with that she has felt the same her entire life and has never even thought about wearing revealing clothes.

She broke the modesty rule for around the fifth time, asking me for what pictures to add to her story and going against me always, using pictures I refused her to (she should respect it if shes asking me for advice), wearing Short dresses with transparent stockings, which broke my heart.

Am I the asshole for wanting to leave this relationship?",You'd be TA for not leaving the relationship.  Leave so your girlfriend can find a decent guy who doesn't try to control her.
AITAH for asking out a man my friend liked?," I 43f made friends with 43f Stacy 6 months ago. We are both actively dating so we encounter a lot of the same guys. I’m more looking for a FWB situation she thinks she would like a relationship. I specifically asked her if there was anyone off limits and she listed three guys she had been seeing she would want to be serious with. Saturday night neither of us had a date so we went out drinking. She flirted with every guy there but when they didn’t pan out she started texting all the guys in her phone to meet us. Mark 43m showed up. She told me she had hooked up with Mark but he wasn’t one who slept around. 

After all of us drinking for a half hour she says she has to go and whispers to me to have fun. We talked for hours and closed the bar down. He even alluded to wanting to find a partner. At one point she texted me for updates. 

We went outside and talked more and he asked for my number. I asked him if he wanted to go out the next night and he said yes. He kissed me and we ended up hooking up. As I left I said do you really want to date me? He said yes. 

So I went home texted her what happened. Woke up Sunday to a lot of texts about how dare I do this to her she liked him. I was like you told me to have fun? She said yes hook up with him but not actually date him!? I said fine I didn’t realize he was off limits I’ll not see him. She tells me if we really like each other she won’t stand in our way. She also said I had made it clear I only wanted a FWB and I said I can’t help who I end up liking. 

She wouldn’t let it go. Texted him saying I told her we were dating now. She said he told her we weren’t I asked him out and he doesn’t want a relationship. 

I texted him and told him because she was upset we couldn’t see each other again. He told me what a great time he had but he understood. Texted me a few more times that day trying to change my mind. I finally said she likes you and I don’t want drama so no.

So AITAH for asking this man out? I told him since trust was so important to him I wouldn’t sneak around but WIBTA if we exchange texts sometimes. ","Personally I would have never done what you did especially given SHE invited him.

But I can see how you felt led on by her. TBH, I don’t think this is about her liking the guy. I think this is more about her feeling hurt/rejected that he “chose “ you over her."
AITAH for choosing my birthday gaming tradition over staying with my girlfriend while she is home alone?,"My (M23s) birthday is on January 13th. Every year, I have a tradition where my cousin and I set up our computers and have a gaming marathon throughout the weekend. It’s a tradition we’ve kept for a long time, and we usually do it the weekend following my birthday.

​This year, that weekend happens to be a rare occasion where my girlfriend’s parents are traveling, and she will have the house to herself. She asked me if I would spend the day and night at her place since she’ll be alone.

​I told her I was planning to keep my tradition with my cousin. She then told me that she would be very upset if I chose to stay home and play games with my cousin instead of spending that time with her, given that this opportunity for her to have the house alone is rare.

​To be clear, her intention isn't related to anything sexual, as she is currently on her period and has made it known that she just wants my company and to spend time together. ​

So now I’m at a crossroads. On one hand, it’s my birthday and a yearly tradition I really enjoy. On the other hand, my girlfriend feels that I should prioritize spending this specific time with her since the house is empty and she just wants us to be together.

My cousin's parents don't really like him sleeping over because they live far away; my birthday is more of an excuse for him to do so, and I can do 3pm foward on sunday with she and sleep together too, if i chose gaming night

​AITA for wanting to stick with my original plans?","Nta.

Also may want to consider this foreshadowing."
WIBTAH for calling my MIL out for her possessiveness over my baby?,"So I just had my baby a few days ago and my MIL seems to be possessive over my baby. She is currently respecting all boundaries regarding touching and is being very helpful with getting stuff for the baby. Too helpful in my opinion. She offers help, then when we say we dont need something she gets it anyways. She made casseroles for us unprompted and as nice as it is, her house has mold and I refuse to eat anything prepared at her house. Not to mention she is a bit of a horder and has not great cooking tendancies. 

She is also super sensitive. My Husband told her that baby cannot go to their house due to the mold and mess and she cried. Started saying how she was going to convert one of her rooms into a baby room ect. Trying to guilt Husband. 

When we announced the pregnancy she hugged me and said ""im so scared for you"" in my ear and then went to husband and said ""im so excited for you"". I felt this was off. 

FF to now and I just had my baby. First time there she said ""thank you for giving this to me"" and when she talks with her friends she says things like ""my baby"". Vs ""my grandbaby"". When at our house she said ""oh look at our baby"" and I mean that is better I guess but I still dont like it. No one has ever said things like this about babies born into my family. Its always ""look what YOU made, what you have"" maybe ""we are so blessed"" but never ownership over the baby itself. 

  
If my older son had a baby I cant imagine saying these things. I feel like its taking away from my husband and I's experience on our first child together.

So, WIBTAH if I told her ""he is my baby"". What should I do with this? Husband thinks its just her being excited but it feels very encroaching. Ordering stuff to our house we dont need. Then needing to Stop by to pick it up to return. Idk. 

Again also less than a week post partum si bot sure what is hormones and what is crossing the line vs normal first time grandma excitement. I also dont want to leave it unaddressed and find it worse weeks or months from now. (FIL is wonderful and hasnt pushed once and helps reign her in when she is being too much and he sees im getting tired.)","Clear boundaries! You AND YOUR HUSBAND need to set clear boundaries. Like ""look, you can come visit two times a week, like monday and friday, but not more. And we really appreciate your thoughtfulness. But all this takes away our own experiences with the baby. We want to take care of the little bundle of joy without so much help so we can learn better. It may be your first grandchild but it is OUR FIRST CHILD""."
AITAH for not giving my mom money,"My mom just asked me for £50 and I (19)don’t want to give it to her, she says she’ll pay it back at the end of the month but she constantly asking for money from me.
She borrowed money from her cousins and she hasn’t payed anything towards it , but I pay £300-400 towards it every month, I pay for my little sisters extra sports , outings and clothes , I buy groceries weekly and pay the electric and gas bill and I work less hours(I work part time 25-29 hours)than her(full time 40 hours) and still have enough left over to save

She says I don’t contribute anything to the house financially, and wants to rent my room out to someone else and then I’d have to share a room with her and my sister then will proceed to ask me for £100-£50 pounds every week saying it’s for petrol and groceries,but the groceries are already there and there’s no way petrol is £100-50 a week.
 She’s made it a habit to spend all her money on what ever and then ask me to cover things for her so I just tell her I don’t have the money

Sometimes she’ll ask to see my account to see if I’m lying about not having the money… I say no 

I’m just confused, because she earns more than me and has worked longer than me but has nothing left every month?
But aitah for not giving it to her?","NTA. She is financially irresponsible and it is a common problem. She needs to learn to budget. One option for you, since you are paying anyways and an adult now, is make a rental agreement, formal written and signed, for your room and board. The benefit here is she can include this in the budget and you can remove the expectation of being reimbursed (a resentment) since you are reclassifying the money."
AITAH for refusing to let my sister babysit my cousin's kids,"Me (23 F) and my sister (21 F) both live together in our own apartment and have for about a year now. Not long after we moved in, my cousin (19 F) started asking my sister to babysit her two kids, both under the age of 1 at the time. At first I didn't mind too much, they weren't too loud and even if we weren't getting paid for it, they're family. 

Then, my cousin decided to end things with their baby daddy (21) because she said he was abusive to her. It's important to note that she's always been a pathelogical liar and exaggerates quite literally anything and everything if she thinks she'll get attention from it. Do I think her baby daddy was a good guy? No, not at all. I believed her for a bit, until my sister (who is much closer to her) told me all of her stories were extremely exaggerated. I won't get into the mess of her moving around, but it was a very stressful time, as her and the kids were around almost 24/7. 
After about a month of this I told my sister I was done with it. This is our first apartment, we'd just managed to leave an uncomfortable home with our emotionally abusive alcoholic parents and finally had our own space, and now I didn't even want to be here. Not to mention every time our cousin would leave the kids with us, it was because she was either with her new boyfriend or cheating on him. Eventually my sister told her enough was enough and she went back to the home her baby daddy was paying for, though he moved back in with his parents.

Now they rarely stop by, maybe once every two months. But just recently my sister agreed to watch them, which meant I was watching them too. I didn't mind too much since the youngest one has grown on me a bit and the oldest is now a little over a year old and getting to be quite a handful, but I'm not as good with kids as my sister is. That's when I'm informed that my cousin is pregnant. Again. At 19. Even crazier, she doesn't know if it's her NEW new boyfriend's, or her most recent ex, since she's been cheating on her boyfriend since they got together. Now, she refuses to get a job, she's left her kids with her 12 year old brother so she can meet up with a guy or go drinking (which I said if I heard of again that I'd report to the police because what), and she cheats on every guy she gets with. Even before we moved out, I completely cut ties with her, and now, even if my sister is only in contact with her for her kids, I refuse to be a part of her life. The amount of help she's received from us and the rest of our family just for her to do something extremely stupid and throw it all in our face... I don't want any part of it..

In a couple months, we'll be finding a house to rent with my boyfriend (25). I told my sister that if our cousin asks us to babysit her now THREE kids that will be under the age of 2, and with no pay, we'll say no. But she looked at me like I suggested we throw them out on the street. She says that she'll just watch them but with three kids that young, my boyfriend and I will more than likely be pulled in whether we want to or not. He's thought from the beginning that this was a stupid idea, that we're too nice, that my sister has a problem saying no, and he's right. My sister really loves those kids, she's practically their aunt by now. But my boyfriend and I shouldn't have to put up with three babies in the house for my irresponsible, narcissisttic cousin. 

So, AITAH for standing my ground on this? I feel like one knowing my sister loves those kids, but I don't want her or I to get taken advantage of by someone we already know is a problem.","NTA but you should not move into another place with your sister. Go live with your boyfriend in a kid-free house, and let your sister do what she wants."
"AITAH because I’m packing to leave, even though he doesn’t accept it?","Sorry it’s long. I’m on my phone and wrote this out a few times, stressed out, ADHD. Let me know if anything isn’t clear enough.

I’m (39) separating from M (45). Married for 18  years together 20 years.

We have two children, (16 and 12) that I have parented, done appointments for, driven around, bought what they needed, and done the activities they enjoy.

I have stayed longer than I should have because I (honestly) was hopeful. Nothing physical happened but he is a man child narcissist or close to it. (I was raised by narcissistic parents.)

I had enough and my children asked if we can leave. That broke something in me and we started to look into what we needed to do and go through the house. (My in-laws own it and the land) Just before Christmas, M had to move my truck to snow blow and I didn’t think anything about it. He seen the paperwork for moving.

He came in and asked if I was moving out. I was honest and said yes. He asked if the kids were coming with me and I said they asked too.

Since then it’s been petty things happening around the house. Do the laundry of towels when I say I will add it to mine to because mine is a small load. Does not help with cooking but eats big portions and I have to cook again sooner. Saying things like it’s a joke when we all asked him to stop. Things like that.

M will sigh, not talk to me about anything unless it’s just chatting about people I don’t care about or our work, and avoids when I need help with things. Like cooking and keeping the house clean.

I have made this house our home and have been packing up and as I take down my things and what I got from my Grandparents, I see how empty this house is getting. (He didn’t care about putting anything up or making it his own.)

I’m waiting for him to say something on his own. I will not push to be the only person starting the conversation needed as I have done for years.

NOW, why I am asking this. I have been given some of his grandma’s kitchen geese years ago from her. She is gone. I’m cleaning them and packing them up very soon. I have been the only one that cleans them. I am taking down the fridge magnets that are mine but make the fridge look bare. M does not like either of this but hasn’t said much but I don’t care at this point. He needs to talk to me and not sigh and look like a beaten dog.

Does this make me an AH?","NTA at all. You need to protect your mental health and that of your children. When they ask to leave, yes you need to do it."
AITAH for calling my parents once a day while they got fever?,"Context: If you’ve ever watched The Sopranos, my mom behaves very similarly to Tony’s mom. I'm in my30s and my parents in their early 60s

  
That said, I call my mom every day at 5 PM. That’s the bare minimum to not be called a “terrible son who hates his parents“

  
Yesterday my mom told me she and my father got ill, just fever.

  
Todat I called her as usual and she was angry at me, saying that I should have called her in the morning to check how they were doing. To ask if they needed some medicine or some food.

  
I told her that if yesterday they didn't need anything, I assumed the situation wasn't changed during a night, and anyway they could call me anytime if they need help.

  
She said she would never call me to ask for help, it should come from me. If a son cares for his parents, he would call several times during the day if he knows they're ill, but I didn't call them because clearly I didn't care.

  
The conversation lasted 40 minutes while I tried to explain my reasons and she kept saying that I'm a terrible son and she asks herself what she had done wrong in life to deserve such a son.

",Just when you thought daily calls were enough surprise. You’ve been promoted to full-time caregiver without the benefits package.
AITAH for not saying good morning to a teacher I didn’t know?,"I am in 10th grade. About three weeks ago, I was really sick. I had a fever and a really bad throat, but I still had to go to school because I had an important exam that day.

At my school, mobiles aren’t usually allowed, but during exams you can get special permission to bring one so you can leave early instead of just sitting around doing nothing after the exam. So I went to the principal’s office to submit my phone.

When I walked in, the principal wasn’t alone. There were three teachers in the room. Two of them I had literally never seen before, and the third was our PE teacher who barely even knows I exist. All three were talking among themselves when I walked in.

I asked permission to enter, then went to put my phone in the box. While I was doing that, one of the teachers I didn’t know suddenly snapped at me in this really egoistical, angry way, asking why I hadn’t wished her good morning. The way she said it made it feel like I had personally insulted her or done something terrible.

I was sick, wearing a cap because it was freezing, and honestly I was confused because I had already asked for permission to enter. Another teacher, in a soft voice, clarified that she was actually upset because I hadn’t said good morning.

I apologized and left, but she looked at me like I had committed a crime. And that’s what bothers me. Why should I be expected to say good morning to a random teacher I don’t know, while she’s literally standing there talking with other teachers? She has never taught me anything, and I have no reason to know her. The way she reacted felt completely unnecessary and honestly kind of humiliating.

So AITA for not saying good morning to a teacher I don’t even know, or was she completely overreacting?","NTA, that teacher is unhinged"
AITAH for not paying my neighbor for cutting a tree in my yard down?,"This is a long one, but even the police (when they were called) found this one of their craziest incidents to ever happen. Buckle up if you’re bored! Will try to sum this one up with TLDR at the bottom and all key points:

-November 26th: neighbor across the street stops my wife and I as we’re leaving to see if we want a giant, dying tree in my yard cut down. It borders the fence line of my other neighbor as well, which he has a lot of personal property in his own yard right underneath. I tell the Across Neighbor (AN) that I mean I’d like to get it down eventually but it’s got some serious problems and concerns, so I show him the hollowed hole at the base facing my Side Neighbor’s (SN) fence. He says he already talked to the SN and he wants it down too, and offered to pay half. I say well I’d still like to talk with him in person, or all three of us, and see what he thinks first before anything is done. I ask what even is the price if he suggested paying half? AN says something like we can figure that later (English is his second language) and we departed because I had to get my truck dropped off for a radiator changeout.

-December 30th: My wife gets home first to find our tree is suddenly down. AN comes and tells her they took care of tree. She finds it is lying in the SN’s yard, crushed his fence, old lawnmower, several other items, BBQ pit, tore through a boat cover, broke the axel on his boat, and looks to have hit the side edge of his metal roof. SN also has all this on camera in the back of his yard. I come home and go see the AN to find out what happened, and he says he woke up that morning, saw the tree swaying at the peak, feared it was due to fall soon, so he, his son-in-law, and a third random friend, raced over to tie ropes and pull this thing down while neither I or the SN were home. The AN and SIL ask me to come look at it from my yard, which then the SN gets home, comes out, chews out the AN asking what was he thinking, etc. AN promises to fix all of this and get it cleaned up for the SN tomorrow. 

We leave the SN, and I say I had no idea you were coming to do this, last time we talked there wasn’t even a price decided on IF the SN and I were even going to have this split thing done. SIL says they want $700. I told them I don’t even have the money for the half on something like this right now (first baby due in 2 months), so I said I can offer to pay $200. They take it.

December 31st: No one shows up to clean up the tree still lying in SN’s yard. I go speak to SN and he says he had no clue about that tree ever getting cut on. I call the police to make a report and see about pressing charges if needed, because at this point the SN was thinking I had scheduled this tree to be cut by some unlicensed guy we know and damaged a lot of his stuff. Police says it’s more of a civil thing that the SN can take the AN to court over since no one thinks AN meant to cause harm to SN or myself. I let SN know what police said, and he talks with AN (who is out of town but has his cell number).

January 3rd: SIL called me at some point and said he heard I might be pressing charges on them. I said there were steps I had to take to protect myself in this situation and I don’t think you understand what you all did. He says they have video proof of speaking to me on 11/26 and also video proof of SN agreeing to have this tree cut. I tell them like I said back then, I wanted to hear and speak with SN about all of this in person before anything is agreed upon no matter what you’re claiming to me he said. I go talk to SN, he says they did come talk to him about two trees in HIS FRONT YARD about being cut but no price or agreement was decided on. I tell the SIL this and he says oh it must have been a big miscommunication. 

From then to January 11th (SHTF Day): The AN and SIL have been slowly working on getting this tree out of SN’s yard. Finally today they get it, and the SIL comes and knocks on the door to let me know. I was feeling pretty bad about how they’ve been decent neighbors the past couple of years that I wave at, and how they still have compensation worked out to fix the SN’s property. I also think I just wanted to try to salvage what is there with a neighbor. So I offer him another $150 and say well I know he’s definitely not paying anything next door, and I do wish yall would have actually asked permission or notified you were wanting to do this in the first place, but here’s what would have been half of the pay you would have charged. I said I appreciate you coming back and making it right for SN. I go back inside, and AN and SIL return minutes later saying they weren’t compensated fairly. I said do what? They say you must have misunderstood, back on 12/30, that night they meant I owed them $700 and SN was to owe them $700 for $1400 total before they crashed into his personal property. I explained do you realize charges weren’t pressed because I ultimately agreed with the police that I didn’t think you were doing this with malicious intent? I said so wait, you’re suddenly wanting money out of me for this to pay for SN’s damages and pocket some profit? AN says this would normally be a $5000 job, and that he saved our lives by doing this. I lose my mind at this point, very irate, ask them what kind of extortion is this, wife comes out and begins yelling at them and SIL’s wife pops up as well who shows up trying to record us. I tell them I literally have a baby on the way, money is tight, there was no note on my door that my tree is wobbling and I’d like to get with you and SN about cutting it, no price given until after you literally caused damage to SN, and then all these claims about miscommunication but you’re still wanting changing amounts of pay? I say I’ve always had licensed cuts, I even had them quote me last time on this final tree I’d need taken down. The daughter basically says why didn’t you call the then? Holy shit I about go off again lol I had the option when you took it out of my hands?? AN asks to come in the yard to continue fixing SN’s fence and I tell him do not ever step foot in my yard again. AITAH in this situation?


TLDR at best: Neighbor across the street interested in cutting my tree that borders my property and other neighbor’s property; Says already spoke to other neighbor who agreed to pay half; never gives price or contacts back about talking with other neighbor; Comes and randomly cuts tree over month later when no one is home, hits other neighbors property, damages, ultimately wants $700 out of me because he made it a job; I give them $200 that night; find out from other neighbor they never discussed that specific tree with him; they come back and clean up everything; I offer to give them $150 more despite my anger and trying to repair relationships or keep the peace; They want $700 more because other guy isn’t paying; I cuss the ever living crap out of them after they say they did it to save our lives and this would normally be a $5000 job. AITAH?",Not too late to make a police report.
AITAH mother?,"For background, myself 67F, daughter 47F!  Now at 2, she was adopted by then husband.  We spit when she was 10, he was verbally abusive. Long story short Very estranged relationship, with lots of manipulation on both sides!  Stayed out of it once she became adult, but always stood beside her decisions with him.

Consequently, she desired to meet bio-dad at 12, hesitation on my part, but made arrangements. I was still knew how to contact his mother.  Well, was good for awhile, until he started ghosting her. Took about 6 months. 

Lots of struggles trying to keep her in school, she is so smart but doesn’t want to apply herself.  She got GED, years later graduated WITH HONORS from ITTTech, yet is an assistant manager at DQ.  She had a husband (Army Vet, came back messed up from Iraq) who committed suicide. I was with her! She has had several hard punches in life. I have always stood by her side, supported her physically, mentally, financially, etc.  For years!

Here is where I maybe the A..Hole!  A couple years ago she got evolved with a man, she met years ago through on line game, he has custody of his 3 children.  She cannot have children! Perfect right, wrong!  They all showed up on my doorstep, in January, I live way North.  Only because of children I let them move into my 2 bedroom house.  Kicked them out after 1+ year of them destroying my place, me paying ALL the bills, etc.  Then he decided he wanted a polyamorous relationship! What the hell!

Yep got himself girlfriend only 2 years older than his eldest daughter!  Moved her into their apartment.  Daughter whined and cried about situation, I was sympathetic at first.  Then, “Oh! We don’t have money for this, we don’t have money for that.” I told them to take hike. He decided to move, back home, a southern state thousands of miles away.  Daughter cries, whines, sulks, pouts, depressed etc.  Finally, we pay her U-haul to go to him to join kids, ex-wife(that’s another story), 19 year old girlfriend.

Things not going well, because ex-wife has now moved in, so yeah, him and 3women. Gross! She calls me one day hinting she wants to move back home, meaning I foot the bill again.  I told her no, she is 47 flipping years old!  I told her bank was closed and she can not live with us!  She was pissed!  Told me that my Tough Love standards were mean and uncaring!  That was 5 months ago.  She has blocked me on every social media we were connected, changed her phone number and told me to basically no longer call her a daughter!

There is a ton I am leaving out, just telling basics.  She has accused me of Tough Love for last 20 years.  Thrown out every time I don’t do what she wants.  I have NEVER received a dime in repayment since she was 18.  There have been cars, used nothing fancy, but ran!  I have paid her rent at least a dozen times. More groceries trips etc. for years.  I am done!  I am retired, with severe arthritis, limited income and I am tired by her stress in my life.

AITAH for no longer taking care of my daughter, who is capable of taking care of herself?

Heart Broken Mother","NTA, it's time for daughter to grow up and become an adult. You have been enabling all these bad decisions by giving her money and by letting her stay at your place. She's 47, she should be able to handle her own life..."
AITAH for cutting ties with my grandmother who “loved me the most”?,"Hi all,

Lately I feel strange, and started questioning my point of view, so I would really use some other people’s perspective here.

A bit of a back story together with the last thing happened.

When I was three years old, I lived with my parents and paternal grandparents. After my parents divorced, I moved with my mother to another city. My mother was young and not perfect, but she did her best.

Meanwhile, my father eventually started living with his new wife, who he had an affair with while still married to my mother. After several years, he forced me to live with them, and during that time, I was very unhappy. I faced constant abuse and neglect, and my grandparents never stepped in to help.

As I grew older, I finally escaped that environment and returned to my mother. During that time, I struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts, but I eventually overcame these challenges. I graduated from law school, built a life with my partner, and had children.

Now to the event where I may become an a-hole.

After my grandfather passed away, I visited my grandmother, who always claimed I was her favorite. However, during one particular topic about politics with my father (she wasn’t part of it), she demanded that certain topics not be discussed. I explained I wasn’t trying to convince her of anything, but simply discussing things with my father. She responded by yelling at me, calling me names and pointing my grandpa is turning into his grave because of my talking in his house, and accusing me of being unloved and unwanted all my life, and that I was miserable, all in front of my young children. She even said that I was nobody without a male in my life.

This wasn’t the first time she treated me this way. Over the years, she often made similar remarks, reminding me that she was the one who took care of me when no one else did and that I should be grateful. She often said that I should just accept her views and remain silent, given that she “loved” me during my earliest years.

Eventually, after the argument, she said “Go out of my house” and while I was trying to talk with her calmly because of my kids are there, she just wouldn’t stop with her tone and a lot of bad words. Pointing my biggest trauma as she wanted me to explode. Thanks to the therapy she didn’t succeeded. I left right away with kids and most of the stuff, as I was trying my best to keep them away from drama. My father supported me, first time in his life. She didn’t stop. She started coming to my dad’s house with letters, she returned all the gifts I had given her and continued to cause conflict, which led me to finally cut ties with her and telling her I am done with her for life.

Now, some family members think I’m in the wrong for cutting off contact because of her age and believe I should forgive her. She even told my half-brother that I was ignoring her calls for months, which wasn’t true (she never called), and said that I shouldn’t attend her funeral once the time comes.

Her side of the extended family is thinking I am ungrateful and mean. 

So, the question remains: Am I in the wrong for cutting all contact with my grandmother given everything she said and did over the years?

Thank you all! ",NTA age doesn't give you a pass to treat people like crap
I'm AITAH for not wanting to let my roommate leave my pan soaking?,"Hi everyone,
I live in a shared house. A new girl moved in, and on her first day I told her she could use my pans until she buys her own.
I usually leave my pan soaking because I cook a lot of chicken, creamy dishes, and fried stuff, and soaking makes it easier to clean (also… a little laziness on my part).
She’s been here for about 3 days. Every time she wants to use the pan, she takes it out of the soaking water, washes it, uses it, and then puts it back to soak.
But here’s the thing: she’s basically only using the pan to cook eggs. Just eggs. It’s a frying pan.
What’s bothering me is… why soak eggs? It literally takes like 30 seconds to wash the pan. Is this laziness, or does she think that because I leave my pan soaking, she should do the same?
Am I the asshole here?","She's returning it to the state in which she found it; she's being thoughtful and considerate. 

YOU, on the other hand, are pissy that she didn't clean up your pan more than you could be bothered to do yourself?  

YOU are the lazy one. YTA."
AITAH for being jealous of my 5 year old cousin?,"this feels so stupid to write but i feel myself getting increasingly more frustrated with my cousin.

For context, me (17F) and my cousin (5F) live right next to eachother and shes able to come into my home via the basement.

Shes a good kid but i feel like everyone spoils her too much and shes allowed to have whatever she wants and everything. My own mother bought her a 1.2K gold bracelet for no reason other than “just because” whereas i had to give up 2 birthday presents in order to have a PC in my room (im very grateful for it but in comparison it feels stupid now). I also get more and more annoyed by her considering shes with us DAILY as her own mother always immediately makes her come over as soon as someone is awake. 

My mother even randomly booked a whole vacation for her even though my sister has been begging for months to go on a vacation. 
I can see myself getting hostile towards my cousin and i feel bad about it but it annoys me so much.
What do I do about this?",[removed]
AITAH for telling my husband to confront his parents.,"Every year my family hosts a clay pigeon shoot. It’s been a tradition since before I was born. Relatives from all across states come in, along with friends life has pushed us in different directions. It’s a big deal. Saturday was the gun shoot. My husband (42m) and son (17m) love this day. My husband  got up early to go get more shells; spending $70. Excited was an understatement.

But then something happened. My husbands mood shifted. We got to my parents and he just stayed away. Not visiting, not laughing, just being alone. He was sad. I asked him what was wrong and he said he didn’t sleep well. I knew it was cover and didn’t want to cause a scene, so I waited. I let him find his corner away from everyone and watched the sadness consume him and the shells go unused.

Later, I pressed harder. He showed me his father’s and subsequently the one from his mother’s too. They BOTH wished him a Happy Birthday on the wrong day. His birthday was two days after. Once is an accident, more than once is a habit. This is definitely habit.

For context, we have been married for 20 years, his parents are divorced since he was in grade school. His dad has only called him on the right day a handful of times; less than 7 times. His mom does way better and has only missed the correct day a handful times. It is not my intent to start an argument, however I want them to understand how much this is affecting him. At the end of the day, he is still a son who wants to feel important to his dad and mom. At the very least, important enough to remember the correct day. My husband says that it’s not worth it and he risks losing any relationship that he has withd his parents. He claims a terrible relationship is better than no relationship.

Edit to add:

For his dad, this a long list of other disappointments. He has promised to take our children on vacations that has never happened; including taking all other grandkids to a tropical island and excluding ours, cancelled other trips to come visit (we live states away) without telling us and after we took time off work for the sole purpose of visiting with them. However, he is very active in the lives of his other children and grandchildren.","Very soft YTA. Confrontation won't change his pain. And he's not ready to go no contact. So, pushing him into a confrontation won't help him. 

It may be what you would do or what would make you feel better but this is about him. The best thing for you to do is to help him get to the point where he realizes that a toxic relationship is ongoing pain whereas ending a relationship can lead to growth."
WIBTAH if I reached out to an ex boyfriend’s recent ex to see why the relationship ended?,"Going through some therapy and morbidly want to know if indeed my only ex boyfriend’s recent relationship ended because of him or his ex? I know this women’s socials because of a friend and thinking of reaching out. WIBTAH if I did that? I’m doing some intense therapy and am just wanting to know if I’m right (he’s an asshole and was with her too) or if any of my childhood trauma etc things I haven’t worked through had anything to do with us breaking up. 

I’m married and don’t want to reach out to my ex out of respect for my husband and because I don’t think id get the full truth from him. 

It’s so weird, I know, but I think it would oddly help me to know if I had anything to do with it and if I did I’m not going to ask my ex I’m just going to try to dig a bit deeper in therapy. Basically, if I come to the conclusion I made some major mistakes I want to fix any of those tendencies right away so they don’t impact my marriage because I’m wanting to not fuck this up. 

The ex of my ex boyfriend seems like a sweet girl from what I gather and I think she’s a model part time so I’m like 95% sure it’s my ex boyfriends fault their relationship ended. 

Tl;dr WIBTAH if I contacted my ex boyfriends most recent ex girlfriend as to why their relationship ended to make sure I’m not crazy and my relationship likely ended because of reasons that I couldn’t control? ","YWBTA-of course you would be the asshole.  The reason their relationship ended is literally none of your business. 

Ask your therapist if this would be a good idea.  If they say yes, find a new therapist. 

You are married, move on with your life."
AITAH for cursing at my new neighbors for having party's and making too much noise?,"I live in a appartment building with very poor insulation so you can hear every footstep and voices of the neighbors.

So this is already the 4th time this Happens in 2 weeks. My new neighbors (young couple) move in to our apartment building about 3 weeks ago and they like to party...

I knocked on their door one time to ask if they could keep the volume down because it was on a Monday around 1 am. After that they were silent at around 2pm. I shrugged it off as he said it was his birthday.

A few other times I could hear them during the weekend but it's the weekend. I heard my other neighbors knocking on their door and ask if they could be silent.

Now the 4th time they were having a party (Sunday evening 11 pm)  I heard them standing on their balcony with friends. So I shouted to keep the volume down. They started laughing at me so I kinda lost it and cursed at them a few words and angerly told them again to keep it down. At around 12pm it was silent.

Am I the ass hole for cursing? I feel kind of ashamed as I never do this...","Nta, especially if you arent the only one asking them to  pipe down. You asked several times. They may be young but if they can have their own place, they can also have manners. To laugh at you while knowingly being dicks? No. Apartment living means being EXTRA considerate of your neighbors. If they keep up report them to whoever."
AITAH for reporting my manager to hr?,"Ok, so this is a weird story because I truly do not know what happened. I started at my job little over a year ago and I really got along with everybody, especially my manager. When I say we got along, I mean I seriously thought we could all be friends outside of work, get along. About 6 months ago my manager sat me down and told me that she loved working with me and asked if I would become her assistant.  I immediately said yes because I thought we got along great and I didn't mind taking on more responsibilities.  Looking back I should have known something wad off because she showed me a couple things on the computer and how to order as ""training"" but that was it. So everyday I came in trying to accomplish everything that needed to be done for that day. When she wasn't there she would leave me a note asking me to do specific things, that I would try to make sure got done. During this time, she would often tell me I was doing a good job and how much she appreciated me making sure certain things were accomplished. So six months passed and she said that it was time to do our six month review. So we went to the office and sat down with the GM, where she proceeded to tell me I wasn't doing my job and was not fulfilling my position. I was flabbergasted.  I had no idea she thought I wasn't doing what I needed to be doing. Everyday I went to work, I worked my tail end off trying to make  sure everything as accomplished, even going so far as to not take a break or staying late to get things done. They said that they were willing to work with me on what I needed to learn in order to fulfill my position and to think about what I needed from them to get on track and that we would talk more in a month, but until then I was to work with my manager to figure out my shortcomings. I asked if they could give me an example of me not doing my job but both just said that I wasn't fulfilling the position.  Obviously,  I was angry after that meeting because up until then I thought I was doing a good job because I had heard from both of them that they thought I was doing a good job. I had the next two days off, so I thought a lot about it and what I could be doing that wasing fulfilling my position.  Even talked to a couple of people in my life, I knew would be somewhat impartial.  One said I should try to ve calm and see what the plan my manager had in store for ""helping me"" to get to the level they needed. The other said she felt like something sketchy was going on and I should contact hr immediately to contest the review. I decided to follow the first advice and see what the plan would be. I had always gotten along with her and never had any problems before this, so I expected her to sit down with me and go over the duties, what she wanted done when and what I was lacking on. Except thar never happened. For thr next two weeks, everything I did (even simple tasks) were considered wrong and she would make me redo them multiple times. 

It was annoying but I put up with it, until Friday two weeks later. I ended up calling in because I was super sick (like fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking sick). I felt really bad about calling in but I really didn't feel good. When I woke back up I noticed that she had texted me multiple times, pretty nasty messages about all the work she had to do because I wasn't there and how she had to even redo my work from the day before. Things like that, in total 10 messages for 4 hours. So the only message I responded to was the one where she asked a legitimate question. 

Well I was not scheduled on Saturday because I had a family event to go to, which I had told her multiple times I would not be available during. She blew up my phone with nasty messages about me not coming in to make up for missing on friday, and the amount of time and work I was costing her. I ignored all of those messages because they were in my opinion completely unprofessional. 

I was scheduled on Sunday and I went in at my normal time and looked around  for the notes she normally leaves to make sure she didn't need me to do anything special. Now a bit of context, in the past she had told me under no circumstances should I order on Sunday because it would mess up the weekly food budget. She would let me know, if she really needed anything ordered on a Sunday. Knowing this, I went looking for any not3s or lists that might indicate she needed me to do anything and there was nothing. So I did not order. 

Come the next morning I walk in at my normal time and immediately she is screaming at me because I didn't order on Sunday.  She is screaming at me infront of my coworkers and a customer. Which I think is inexcusable.  I took a deep breath and told that I didn't realize she wanted me to order since she had told me before not to order on Sundays. That set her off and she started screaming at me again. At that point I walked off and texted my boyfriend asking what he thought I should do, to which he said to talk to the gm. So that is what I did. The gm told me to take the day to calm down and he would set up a meeting between all three of us for the next morning at 9am to talk through all of this. So I went home, and wrote down everything I wanted to say (mostly so I didn't say something stupid) and went in the next morning at 9am. 

I sat down with the gm in his office and he called my manager to come to his office. I knew immediately this was going to end sideways, because she stormed into the office said "" I don't have time for this shit, you have 2 min"". So the gm immediately goes to bring this to a more professional level and I go to talk about what my problem was and she immediately talks over me calling me a liar and even accusing me of things I had no idea about. (Found out later, they were things that SHE did when I wasn't there). I told her to hold up and let me speak. To which she replied that she was fed up with this bullshit and stormed out of the meeting. 

It was at that point I decided to file an hr complaint against her. AITAH for filing the complaint?","NTA. Start looking for a new job. HR is there to protect the company not you. You are a replaceable ""resource""."
Am I the AITAH for listening to my friend?,"So a friend told me to send his sister a gif that he knew would make her super sad,
And he kept yelling at me to do it,
Well I asked if she wanted to see it
And now he’s blaming me
And it’s the same for his sister,
I won’t be saying anything about them because I don’t wanna dox anyone,
Btw I told her to check the gc if she didn’t believe he told me to send it, she blames me
And now he’s calling me a jerk for actually listening
Even though I’m scared to stand up to him
Because any time I tell him no he threatens to ban me from the server,
Did I mess up?
Btw the gif was really messed up,
Idk why he told me to send it to her.

Something I forgot to mention: he told me to send it several times
Multiple times after I said no.
So eventually I gave up",YTA and your friend. You can say no and stick to it. I have a feeling his threats were empty and just a scare tactic. Why are you still friends with him when he’s threatening you and being horrible?
AITAH ? I’m too insecure to let a good guy get close to me,"I’m a 26 year old female who’s been talking with a guy. He’s been trying to pursue a relationship with me for a couple months. He’s a very sweet and caring guy. I keep rejecting him because I fear he will find me boring/lame and leave me. This guy has a HUGE group of friends, he has lots of cousins he’s close with. He’s a very outgoing/social guy with a whole pack of people. He’s always at a social event/travelling. 

I’m the total opposite, I have ZERO friends. All I have is me. I spend my Friday nights alone like a loser in my room. Every time he asks me where I’m at or who I’m hanging out with, I literally lie. It’s reached a point, where I’ve ghosted him out of fear/embarrassment. I feel horrible for ghosting him….. I just don’t want to deal with the pain of being left. He keeps coming back after I rejected him countless times. I don’t know what to do …. I don’t know what he saw in me, I’m such a loser ","I think you've set yourself up for failure here. Lies always catch up to you. I think you need to let this guy go and work on yourself for a bit. Get some therapy to deal with your insecurity and try some new activities. Think of things you like to do, hobbies, join a group or two. NTA"
AITAH for not wanting to invite a friend to attend her dream concert,"I've had a group of four friends (including me) that have done EVERYTHING together since sophomore year of high school. Near the end of sophomore year, one of our friends got a boyfriend and started ignoring us and pushing us away. After a long time of us trying to keep her around, we kind of gave up on her and became a trio. The three of us hung out a ton and got super close. We stopped inviting her out with us because when we did, she would be at her boyfriend's and had told us before that when she was there, she was unavailable.

The only times when she wanted to be around us was when she needed things from us (schoolwork, rides etc.) and we started to sort of resent her. She also has had issues with paying back money that she owes and other things like that that have just built up and started to irk all of us.

Two years later we're seniors (all 18) and her and her boyfriend are having issues. She starts to realize how close the three of us have gotten and starts getting mad. One night we're all hanging out, including her, and under the influence of the night (if you're getting my drift) everything starts to flow.

She tells us that over the summer, when we were hanging out without her, she was suicidal and that she had a date picked out. She started out her whole thing by saying she ""Wasn't trying to guilt trip us"" but we felt very guilty.

Since then, we've been trying to invite her out and involve her but she has changed a lot and we can't stand her. She expects everything to be done for her and is so blunt and rude. It takes so much effort to be her friend but its not a gratifying friendship on our end.

As of right now, we are making plans to go to a concert in Canada in October. We don't know what to do because seeing Bruno Mars is on her bucket list but we are planning on driving up and spending the night there. Having had sleepovers with her and having been on long drives with her, we know that this would be a miserable time. She mentioned the concert to us and we sort of talked about going but me and the other two friends just don't want to go with her. We all sort of feel that having her there would ruin the experience.

We don't know what the get around is here because her and her boyfriend recently broke up so she doesn't have a support system. Basically, we feel that it's not a good time for us to have a conversation about ending the friendship because we don't want her to be alone but we just don’t like her. Would we be assholes if we did invite her?","I get that you don’t want to leave her hanging, but if it’s gonna be a bad time for everyone, then it’s okay to not want her there. It’s your experience too."
AITAH for not getting my colleague a gift on her birthday?,"I 35f work in a small office and birthdays are kind of a thing here and it’s quite special to me too with how I grew up and all. 

I usually make the effort to get everyone something small a card coffee mug snacks nothing big but thoughtful every year since I’ve been working here not to start anything but a tradition I followed and believed in as a person. 

I have done this for years including for my colleague 38f which this is her birthday and all about her as well. 

To begin with and honestly I’ll say it straight that since I started working with her, She has never gotten me anything for a birthday or any holidays as a colleague or kind gesture. Not once. No card, no text, no coffee nothing.

At first I did not think much of it because it’s not much of a big deal since maybe it might not be her thing or way of life and yes, I know people are different and I am not a scorekeeper but a human after all so I get to think about things. 

And after five years it started to feel one sided

Especially since she makes a big deal about her birthday every year and openly expects gifts from people around her or get to announce it’s her birthday whenever it is in the office so it’s too obvious and not thoughtful to not gift such a person to at least put a smile on her face. 

But this year I decided to stop. Not in a dramatic way. I just treated her birthday like any other workday. I said happy birthday and went on with my tasks. She noticed immediately because I could sense the energy. 

By lunchtime she was quiet and clearly upset

Later another coworker asked me why I did not get her anything and said she was hurt since I usually is one of the people that has gifted her in the recent years which i never knew people around us or other colleagues noticed. 

I explained that I had always been the only one giving and I just did not want to anymore

Now the atmosphere is awkward

She barely speaks to me and I can tell some coworkers think I was being petty

I do not feel like I was punishing her

I just stopped doing something that was never reciprocated just for once! 

I am honestly torn and part of me feels guilty because I know birthdays matter to her

Another part of me feels relieved for clearly defining the situation so she see for herself. 

Did I do anything wrong for not getting my colleague a gift on her birthday this year?","NTAH. It reads less like pettiness and more like quietly resetting a dynamic that had become one sided, which can feel uncomfortable but isn’t inherently unkind."
AITAH for putting locks on cabinets and drawers in my shared apartment,"I (21f) have three roommates (21m, 20f, and 19f) lets say their (fake) names are Jeff(M) Izzy(f20) Luz(19f).

To preface I am friends with Luz and we share drawers/cabinets in the kitchen. Luz and Izzy also have their own private rooms while me and Jeff share a room.

Here’s my issue. Izzy and Jeff are always messing with my things and I never know who exactly does what but I’m at my last nerve. We all have our own utensils, pots/pans, plates,etc..

in the beginning of our lease I told everyone that I don’t like sharing kitchen utensils or anything and they agreed to not touch my things (they continue to share among eachother, whatever, idc who they share with just don’t touch my stuff because I’ve had bad roommate experiences sharing up to now and misusing my things)

But these two roommates keep using my things on multiple occasions, I’ve told these two atleast 4 times to stop touching my things and they continue. I’ll find my utensils/dishes in the sink or dishwasher (I don’t use dishwashers) after not having been used by me. (Obvi)!!!

It especially has been pissing me off because I left for thanksgiving break in November and when I came back Jeff had used my pots and pans because they were in the sink and he was the only one home. This time for Christmas break, I hid my pots and pans to avoid this(which was difficult since we share a room) And come to find out from Luz… he is using my dishes and silverware again!!

She recently had kept asking if I was home because she kept seeing my dishes in the sink and I’m tired of it!! I feel like I can’t text the roommate group chat because I’m not there right now and they’ll know Luz snitched on them but oh my god!! How hard is it not to touch my things!

I’m getting a lock to put on my drawer and cabinets. Another issue I’ve had is when I (or Luz) put in a load of laundry, Izzy will take it out mid-spin and place our wet clothes on TOP of the dryer and put in her own laundry to wash. You’d think if you have enough balls to move someone’s laundry you could atleast move it into the dryer… Jesus. What do I even do/ AITAH",Youre not wrong. You tried talking it out and they didnt care so now its consequences. Locks are a normal response here not dramatic.
AITAH for becoming upset when my boyfriend went out during my miscarriage?,"I (30f) am upset with my boyfriend (36m) because I am actively miscarrying and he decided to go out after playing sports tonight. Originally he told me he was coming right home after his sports game. When he messaged me to tell me that plans changed and he wouldn't be home right away, I became very upset.

This was our first pregnancy and it has been hell finding out it's a miscarriage. I should add that I'm not experiencing extreme symptoms currently physically, but emotionally it has been extremely rough.

He has been very supportive, accompanying me to all my appointments and really hasn't gone out much lately. I know he needs his fun. Admittedly I am extremely irritable, depressed and miserable, mostly just laying around watching movies and I'm not really fun to be around. I'm just sad because I don't know what's going to be happening to my body and I'm particularly sensitive especially when he gets to have fun and I'm not the priority tonight. 

With tomorrow being Monday, we're not gonna be spending much time together due to his work (I'll be off work), and then he has two more sports games this week and then he's going away for the weekend for fun and away for work the following week. Meanwhile I'll be here laying around in misery. ",Uh… why is he okay with leaving you completely alone through this?
Update - AITAH for uninviting my dad's wife from my daughter's birthday party over something she did last year?,"So, I have a love/hate relationship with being right. My dad called me two days after I posted. There’s a purple wig at his place that is styled suspiciously similar to Rumi from Kpop Demon Hunters. He opened Cathy’s mail thinking it was his and found it. The costume itself is set to arrive in about a week. She wasn’t planning on telling him about either.

He’s claiming they fought, because neither the costume nor the wig were cheap, but he also felt the need to tell me she’d been watching the movie repeatedly to “study,” and that she cares so much, and that isn’t it sweet how much Cathy loves my kids and maybe my daughter would like it this time. That was all I heard before I went to look for a pillow to scream into.

I’m done. This made me a lot angrier than it should have, but it isn’t the first time someone in my family decides my plans and the effort I put in don’t mean shit. And if I can’t even plan my own child’s birthday party without someone trying to butt in, I don’t have to feel bad about drawing the line.

Cathy is officially banned from the party. My husband and I have alerted the venue that we didn’t hire any character performers, and if any caucasian-looking Korean pop star shows up they must tell her to go home. We also gave them a picture of her. They basically told us they can’t let anyone who’s not on the guest list inside anyway, so she won't be allowed. I feel horrible about making them deal with my family drama, but at least that’s one less thing to worry about.

My dad and I did fight about this, but I put my foot down. He kept arguing that it wouldn’t be a big deal if I “just let Cathy have this.” I told him that’s not the point. If he’s not the one who’s going to have to manage the situation, he doesn’t get to tell me how hard it is to do it.

In the end, this is what we settled on: my dad can come to the birthday party as long as Cathy doesn’t tag along. If she does, they’re both out. Both of them can still join us for dinner later.

I’m also thinking about lowering my contact with both my dad and Cathy. I love my dad, but no headache is worth this. I want to wait until I’m calmer to work out the details.

I want to thank everyone. I’ve got a lot going on in my life and my therapist is on vacation, so it feels good to rant about this. But for my own sanity, I’m going to focus on relaxing for the next couple of weeks. I already feel much lighter knowing this is over.",The dad trying to frame her studying a movie to hijack a toddler's party as sweet instead of unhinged is some world-class enabling
AITAH for threatening not to invite my dad to my wedding?,"I, 27M, met my fiance, 35M, whom I'll call Bill, four years ago. I had dropped out of college due to some serious mental health struggles, and was basically couch surfing and begging my parents for help, as I couldn't keep a steady job to pay rent. I went out on a date with him honestly for free food, and he stayed the night with at the place I was rooming at. But instead of leaving the next day, he spent all day taking me around to do things like laundry, applying for assistance, and stocking up on nonperishable foods. When I asked him why he went out of his way for me, he said he just liked to help people and he could tell I needed it. He said even if he never saw me again, he'd be able to move on feeling better knowing he'd given me just a little bit of security.  I fell in love right then, and I moved in with him just a few months later. 
My dad (58M) has hated Bill from day one. He has a long list of complaints from Bill being too old for me (he's the same age as my sisters, BTW, and I'm older than his youngest brother), to Bill keeping me chained down with no resources (not true), to even not liking how much money Bill makes (Bill is a blue collar tradesman and makes far less than my dad  although he manages to provide for two people). He doesn't care when I tell him about how Bill encouraged me to enroll in school again, and now I'm working on my masters, or how I have access to all the finances, or how Bill is always just the sweetest, most caring guy anyone could know. He just sees someone who's too old for me who has me locked up at home with no means of my own. 
It doesn't bother Bill but it does bother me. 
I was talking to my mom (55F) about it and she told me that the things my dad is accusing Bill of is exactly what my dad did to her, which is why they divorced when I was a toddler. When I found out I blew up on my dad and told him to stop projecting his flaws onto my partner, and that if he didn't cool off, I was going to disinvite him from our wedding this summer and essentially go no contact. I wasn't exactly quiet about it, and a lot of my family have taken sides since then.

That was last week, and since then, my dad, my uncle, one of my sisters, and my grandma, have all contacted me to say that I'm being stubborn and my dad is just looking out for me. They say i'm threatening to tear the family apart by drawing this line, and now i'm not sure. I did react in the heat of the moment after I talked to my mom, and I don't want to make waves, but my dad also won't listen without prejudging. Bill stands by me no matter what I choose to do, but I'm wondering if I did the right thing or if I might actually BTA. ",I think you need to sit down and have a conversation with your dad. Say you are happy and you are in love. He either gets with the programme and shuts up or he's out because you will pick your partner over him. 
AITAH for cussing out my boyfriend for being rude to elderly people?,"Okay I'm completely new here. I've never used reddit, I barely even know what a subreddit is? closest thing i know is i watched a few of KMK reaction videos. Regardless, I need help. Me and my boyfriend and two of his friends are going on a trip in a few hours. Only three people are important as of now me (20) my boyfriend (19) and his friend (18m), ill give my my boyfriend the name of brad and his friend chad lol. Me and brad have been together for almost 18 months or so now and were pretty serious we own a house, cars, and have five cats and a two dogs which all we got together, and I'm slightly regretting everything. 

We are renting a place and going to see a nice artist in a few hours so Me, brad and chad decided to go shopping for the trip as-well as for the stay there. As were in the soup grocery aisle there are lots people shopping and its very crowded and i'm honestly taking my time picking out the most cheapest and tastiest munchies for me and brad sadly were frickin broke. At one point a lady with a cart wanted to get through so i touched my boyfriend should and lead him in so he knew about the lady be hide him, his friend doesn't move and he sees whats going on and the lady goes around him and behind us and both decide to snickers things chad start with calling them the n word and old A's and brad decides to chime in later when another elderly person squeezes by and I AM FLABBERGASTED. Brad has always done things and gets easily influenced to do things  for his bromantic friends but this was alot. I eventually said i would leave without them and they said things like "" nah those people dont get to talk to us like that""? they never said anything to my knowledge. We quickly left after that, later on we were driving to the gas station and there was a man on the side of the road riding a bike. Now its night time but we have are brights on so he is clearly visible regardless brad decided to honk at him and go on about he needs to expect that since he's riding on the side of the road and he honks at things that are a danger to the road. i got on him about it at the gas station because he laughed he did that for pure rage and amusement. The guy wasn't near us nor was it an actual issue and he said i was annoying and dramatic and causing issues for nothing i got out slammed the door and payed for gas just like i did groceries and sat in silence on the way home. I took a nap and woke up and called for him, i gave him a hug and a kiss and asked for him to stop doing those things i think its very mean and he told me i need to stop I'm being annoying and no one actually cares about those things and people just ignore and i need to as-well? Regardless of the tacky sorry excuse but ive talked with him about calling be annoying I take it as an insult rather then describing someone. I know everything he was saying was purely to shut me up and i finally cracked. i screamed and screamed and he begged to me to stop i did now im in the bed typing this while he's ignored me for hours on the game. He keeps talking with his friend in the other room on the headsets and calling me names and I'm so stressed and confused AITAH? ","Respect, how someone treats others should not be ignored. For one day you will be the recipient of that disrespect:;:"
Aitah for telling my best friend I might go to nyc without him,"I need your help to know if I I’m ah, so I (f20) and my best friend (m20) have planned on going to nyc together since we were probably 16 it’s both of our dream place to visit, the issue is he is currently in university and we planned to go in 2029. I have already started my travelling and have met some people in a European country and a few of them intend on going and doing a meet up in nyc either later this year or next year. I want to go, nyc is my dream place to visit and I don’t really want to wait another 3.5 years to go. I’ll admit when I told him at the end of it I said “I will be going idc” and I apologised for saying that I don’t care because I do, ideally I want to go with him first but I have an opportunity now and I don’t want to miss it just because it’ll hurt his feelings. Aitah?","NTA. Waiting till 2029 for NYC is kinda wild tbh. I get the sentimental “we planned this forever” part, but opportunities don’t always line up perfectly. You can go more than once. People act like cities are a one-time-only experience and that’s just not true. The “idc” comment wasn’t great, yeah, but you already acknowledged that. He’s allowed to be sad, but you’re allowed to live your life."
AITAH for giving my BF 6 months to change?,"My boyfriend (32M) and I (30F) have been together for 5 years this April. Over the years I have changed jobs several times and got a promotion at work. However, my boyfriend has had the same job with a manager he hates and feels creatively stifled (he’s a graphic designer). In May I will graduate and start working on my new career path. 

Earlier today, I told him that we can’t have the life we dream about if he stays in the same job because it requires more money. And he has to put in the work to change his life into something that makes him happy. He didn’t really say anything. For years I have encouraged him to build his portfolio and offered to do homework in his art studio with him as support, but he declined. 

I feel like you should make changes to anything within your power if it doesn’t suit you. I don’t like the fact that he’s complaining about his job and social life without making an effort to change things. He doesn’t need to be perfect, but I’d like him to put in some effort to make things better so I don’t feel alone in crafting the life we want. 

AITA for giving him 6 months to make a change?","If it’s been 5 years, it seems like he has the life he wants: spinning his wheels complaining about where he is. Did you ask him about his dreams? And where yours & his intersect? And how you’ll work as a team to get there?"
AITAH for not being ok with my girlfriend making a life size Anakin doll when we got back together.,"It's not as long a story as it should be.

Me (21) and my long distance gf (20) had been two years together when I went through a really bad phase in life after something happened and asked for a break until I got it back together.

She accepted but still treated me the same and kept ""conforting"" me but I could tell she was just trying to check the territory and that we hadn't broken up so I ended up partly ghosting her and we eventually got into a big fight where I said some shitty things but never acc broke up.

Me and her had only really seen each other twice the last year together over holidays as she lives in another continent and I'm usually the one who flies over.



After I got my shit back together around six months later I left her a long text mostly apologizing for the ghosting and asking for another chance.

She left me on read but ended up forgiving me and we got back together, so I went to see her for the Christmas holidays... She acted shifty when I told her that, probably because i told her only a week in advance (I'd rather meet her in the holidays even if it was a bit rushed) Which was weird but eh.



When I got to her house I saw a mannequin with a paper bag with a smiley face. She got nervous at it but said she was just trying to start making clothes which I believed since she's always been the artsy kind since we met, though it weirded me out it was a male mannequin. But eh.

  
One of the nights she'd gone to buy something and I stayed in as I wasn't feeling too good. Then as I was looking for a blanket she usually had in a chair in that room I decided to lift the paper bag.

I almost had a stroke if I'm being honest and I hit it and I fucked up an ear.

  
When she got back she wasn't pleased and we ended up in an argument which I made worse by asking if it was a sex doll (I'm stupid) and ended up sleeping on the couch.

Next day it was calmer but I wasn't too happy with the thought. My girlfriend with a life size mannequin and a worryingly well done clay face of Anakin stuck on it.

  
So I ended up telling her I wasn't confortable, but she insisted it was just a project. I went on and she ended up getting angry and saying ""It was my fault for ghosting her for six months."" so I have suspicions she's done things with it, though I can't really know. She's told me she wouldn't because she'd ""Fuck up the clay"". But why would she know that.

  
I don't want to break up with her, she's the love of my life and I don't even know why she'd date me (I'm not really attractive) but I don't know what to do.

I'm away from her again and I know she's not going to stop whatever she does and probably will just lie. She will not throw it out. I'm not sure if this counts as cheating. AITA?","> I'm not sure if this counts as cheating

MF'er *what*?

You think making a sculpture is cheating?"
AITAH for responding to my aunt’s “happy birthday” text telling her why I don’t come to family events anymore?,"My aunt, “Margret”, always invites me to family events. Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. I haven’t gone to any even in years, and have not explicitly said why. Well, now I have. I texted her that I haven’t been coming to events because some of her siblings have said awful and racist things about me and my sister, to the point that we “shouldn’t even exist.”, and I’ve just had it with thinking I should forgive and forget if me existing is so casually tossed aside to my blood relatives.",NTA
AITAH for being mad over the a sore loser?,"
I (F20) and my Fiancé (M25) played go fish. 3 games whoever has the most amount of points get head. My fiancé tried to cheat and add extra points to his board at the end of the 3 rounds and I found out and made him start all over. I won over all by 50-100 points. He got mad and said he didn’t agree to the deal when he did. now he doesn’t want to play games with me and he’s sitting at the other side of the bed. Am I the asshole for being mad over this but I know if he won he would have got upset if I didn’t fulfill my end of the deal.","If he needs to lose a game to give you some ""head"" he doesn't deserve a girlfriend."
AITAH for saying this during last night’s Golden Globes?,"I (16 F), was watching the 2026 Golden Globes ceremony with my family last night. I consider myself to have a very good and close relationship with both of my parents. My dad (52 M), works in film, so he takes film, tv, and media way too seriously. If anyone in our family talks during a movie he’ll get really mad and threaten to turn it off. Anyways, I was super well behaved last night and unloaded the dishwasher and did all my laundry. I thought we were all having a good, fun time together. After my siblings went to bed, my parents and I sat down and continued watching. My dad started getting mad because I kept saying Jacob Elordi was getting snubbed, and I was calling lots of actors my “kings” and “queens”.

After that my dad paused it and lost the connection and got really mad and said I was annoying and useless. So I told him and my mother (48 F), that I would never talk to them again. They started laughing hysterically and said I do nothing anyways. I haven’t talked to them since last night, and the drive to school with my dad in the morning was silent. I feel a little bad but have decided to ask for advice from you guys. Thanks for listening and let me know if I’m the asshole or not","YTA. He works in the industry, and clearly the Golden Globes are important to him. If you can't stay quiet during the awards show, then go do something else, you're not required to watch it with him."
AITAH for not shutting my door?,"My sister got a cat, and I freaking love it. However, when I go out of my room, and she lets her cat run around the house, like upstairs where my room is, the cat likes to go in there and run around. My sister then complains to me that I had better start shutting my door. Sometimes I shut my door, but other times I don't, or I forget. Do you think I'm the asshole for not always shutting my door?

  
She doesn't want the cat to go into my room because it goes under my bed which means she has to lure it out.",It's her cat. Maybe she should always check to make sure that your door is closed.
"WIBTAH for not telling my coworkers I’m transferring, and leaving them a goodbye card instead?","A new Team Lead position opened in my department. I interviewed and didn’t get it; someone else did. Before the announcement, I had already applied to the same role at another store, interviewed, and got it. I transfer in two weeks and I’m already off the schedule after that.

Out of 14 coworkers, only my manager and one friend know. I get along well with everyone and genuinely like them, but I really dislike attention, goodbyes, or any kind of farewell event. When I transferred *into* this department years ago, I basically faded out of my old one and would prefer to do the same here.

I’m considering:

* Saying nothing and leaving a handwritten card they’ll see the next day, thanking them and explaining why I didn’t say anything.
* Saying nothing at all and just being gone.

I don’t want to burn bridges or hurt anyone—I just don’t want fanfare. WIBTAH if I choose the card option, or even the silent one?","NAH. The card option is a good middle ground. It shows appreciation while respecting your own boundaries. Ghosting completely might confuse people, but the card avoids that."
AITAH for dropping my long term friend out of no where,"I decided to drop a long term friend because frankly she became so strange overtime. Like; on her way to cult leader vibes. She’s managed to accumulate cult members to worship her and is known in her community. She’s a performer on stage and pretty much every where else in her life.

One day it was just clear she had no idea who I was and didn’t respect me enough to try to understand or care. I’ve let a lot of her behavior slide but realize I was just compromising my boundaries in the end. I could have used my voice and done things differently, but sometimes you don’t realize it’s happening and it catches up to you.

I wish I could provide further context as to how her behavior contributed. To name a few; insulted my appearance, pressure me to do drugs (she turned into a demon and I almost lost it), insulted my family, ignored my voice when I used it to voice my needs, say weird racial things and insert herself into a struggle persona even though she grew up with luxury. She thinks she’s the next messiah and I’m tired of being expected to worship her.

So yeah, I texted her I don’t want to be her friend and my life since has been really nice not having her in my life. AITAH for dropping my long term friend out of no where and not really giving her specific reason as to why?","NTA - you are exercising healthy boundaries and determining the right kind of life and relationships you want to build rather than letting someone with a lot of charisma and influence dictate those things for you. Congratulations on your excellent judgement call in the face of opposition. You did what was healthy. NTAH, my dear!"
AITAH for getting upset that my bf didn’t Shut down conversation?,"I [40f] and boyfriend [30 m] have been seeing each other for 1.5 years. He recently told me that his mom, dad, aunt, and uncle were all talking and they told him I was controlling. He said it was a “concern.” He mentioned that I asked him to help in the kitchen when he was talking to his uncle on the sofa, while drinking a beer. I cooked for 2 days and needed help to get the dinner started and everyone could eat on time. 

When I asked him what he said when his family told him I was controlling, he stated “we are working on it.” He never stood up for me, never shut down the conversation. I feel like he should not let his family talk negatively about me when I’m not there to defend myself. I don’t feel emotionally supported. I 100% agree that it’s ok if it were at 1 on 1 conversation, but this felt different. I’m upset about it and he told me I’m overreacting and that’s just how his family is. AITAH for getting upset at my bf for not shutting down the conversation? ","He doesn't have your back and he doesn't contribute unless asked. 


What DOES he do? NTA"
AITAH for thinking my boyfriend was selfish in how he treated me on a trip?,"Hi,

So my boyfriend and I got back from a trip with his family over the holiday. Before this trip I expressed a lot of resistance to going- mainly due to feeling a lot of stress and pressure between us and also felt like it wasnt the best time for me financially to go on a trip- and knew that 2 weeks off would mean a lot of make up work when I am back. He told me before the trip to not worry- that he would cover the entire trip financially and it would be a great time. He also insisted that he would make it up to me- (all the extra work Id need to do when Im back) and it would be a trip that mended any stress or tension weve been under as he just wanted to express how much he cared for me there.

So I let go, and went with an open heart. I was rather surprised however on him taking himself snowboarding a few times without me- leaving me in the hotel room. I guess it stung too- because he told me also before we left that he was excited to express how much he loved me through the Christmas gifts he got me- which probably totaled to near $100, while I spent near $400 on him. And I dont know if this sounds stingy as I know it really is the thought that counts- but when I think of expressing to someone how much I love them- I hope it would be at least the cost or more so the effort of what it would take for me to take myself skiing or doing something for myself for the day? He easily spent $700 on himself snowboarding and it would of been much more but I made a comment to him that I would like to spend more time with him on the trip so he took some time off towards the end for me and we walked around town.

I guess I feel funny for saying these things- and also am questioning if im the asshole as I know that there was a lot of other things that were given to me automatically for being on the trip- like the hotel, airplane and also the food at restaurants. I guess I just wish that I would of known the plan or itinerary before then, and that I would need to figure things out for myself- as snowboarding is not my thing- I did go with him for 2 hours one day- and afterwards he told me he really did not like taking me, and that it was so nice of him to do- explained to me as this- imagine if you were a pro at gymnastics and had to teach someone it on a basic level, how crappy it would be- so it seems like I was a burden to him for that time.

So since the trip, Ive tried to bring it up a few times, that I didnt feel the love that he said he was going to show me during the trip through his actions- and he always gives me a defensive reply, or an apology that makes me feel like I had too high of a standard or expectations for a trip- and that all he meant when he said that the trip was going to be good was that the change of scene, nice restaurants and not having to deal with work or anything at home should of lightened up most people- so I do end up questioning my experience.

Let me know your thoughts,  
Thank you!","What he promised for the trip gave you the expectation that “This trip will prioritize us, connection, and care.” 




What you got instead was:

He repeatedly chose solo activities he valued

You were left alone without a shared plan

When you did try to join him, you were later told you were a burden

The “expression of love” did not feel aligned with his words

When you voiced your hurt, you were met with defensiveness and minimization

This isn't about tallying dollars.
It’s about words not matching actions.



Covering logistics (hotel, flight, food) ≠ emotional care.

Those things are generous, yes.
But generosity does not buy immunity from accountability."
AITAH for not replying to my [29M] GF's [24F] apology even when I was free and using my phone?,"I had a confusing and frustrating interaction with my girlfriend today, and I’m wondering if I overreacted.

Earlier in the day, she made a joke that hurt my feelings a little (not a hurtful joke at all, it just happened to touch a nerve). I didn’t make a big deal out of it, but when she asked directly, I admitted that it affected me “a bit.” I also told her it was okay and that I knew she didn’t intend to hurt me. She apologized, and I thought we were fine.

This is how the conversation happened (copied as text since the sub doesn’t allow images), I've added timestamps to show that I wasn't taking a long time to reply:

**1:12 PM**  
Girlfriend: What  
Girlfriend: 😅😅😅😅😅  
Girlfriend: Stupid

**1:13 PM**  
Girlfriend: Bro, you felt bad?

**1:14 PM**  
Girlfriend: I assume you didn’t  
Girlfriend: I was joking

**1:14 PM**  
Me: Umm  
Me: Yeah  
Me: A bit

**1:15 PM**  
Me: It’s alright… it wasn’t your intention though

(At this point - I was working, and was busy. I saw the notification but I thought to myself ""I'll reply later"")  
**1:30 PM**  
Girlfriend: Ohhhhhh  
Girlfriend: Sorryyy  
Girlfriend: Darling

**1:30 PM**  
*(She sends a “I’m so sorry, please forgive me” GIF)*

**1:30 PM**  
Girlfriend: 😟😟😟😟

(Somewhere around this time, I went to take a dump)  
**1:35 PM**  
Girlfriend: *(Video call – 4 sec) - I picked and told in the washroom and cut the call*  
  
**1:35 PM**  
Me: In the washroom

**1:36 PM**  
Girlfriend: So what  
Girlfriend: You’ll use your phone in the washroom

**1:36 PM**  
Me: Brooo  
Me: I’m in the washroom  
Me: Yeah

**1:36 PM**  
Girlfriend: Then what’s the problem  
Girlfriend: Replying  
Girlfriend: It can be done

**1:36 PM**  
Me: Talking from there feels weird

**1:36 PM**  
Girlfriend: What about texting

**1:36 PM**  
Me: 5 mins

**1:37 PM**  
Me: Messaging is fine  
Me: I meant for the call

**1:39 PM**  
Girlfriend: Then you didn’t reply  
Girlfriend: Your notifications aren’t turned off  
Girlfriend: You’re using your phone (she knows I play games while taking a dump, lol)

**1:39 PM**  
Me: Okay okay  
Me: I thought I’d reply in a bit

**1:39 PM**  
Girlfriend: And you’re free

**1:39 PM**  
Me: In some time  
Me: When you messaged, I wasn’t free

**1:40 PM**  
*(I try to video call — no answer)*

**1:40 PM**  
Girlfriend: I’m not free now  
Girlfriend: Later  
Girlfriend: Evening

**1:40 PM**  
Me: Please don’t do this

**1:40 PM**  
Girlfriend: What? I just sat down

**1:41 PM**  
Girlfriend: To study

**1:41 PM**  
Me: It’s okay  
Me: Just 5 minutes

**1:41 PM**  
Girlfriend: I don’t want to break the flow

**1:41 PM**  
Me: I’ll keep it short—

**1:41 PM**  
Girlfriend: No no  
Girlfriend: Later

**1:41 PM**  
Girlfriend: Nothing important

**1:41 PM**  
Me: Please don’t be like this

Now, I get that I technically ignored her. Because I did see her message, but didn't reply immediately because I was busy. While I was taking a dump, I didn't feel like replying. I didn't even feel like saying ""it's ok"". AITAH for feeling this way? Should I reply immediately to such things? It wasn't even a big deal - I had already clarified that I was ok and it wasn't a big deal.

AITAH here?",You were being a sook and you were only playing games. She contacted you when she was free. You insisted she talk to you when you were over spooking but expected her to stop studying. YTA
AITAH for asking a question???,"I seriously cannot believe I’m on Reddit asking complete strangers for advice on if I’m the asshole or not lol. 

So short backstory I’m 26. My brother is 25. We have a family history of alcohol issues and both have struggled with alcoholism. I have been sober for two years. He has been sober for four months after meeting this beautiful woman that had a five month old son.  I will not be stating names for privacy.  

So everything was going great and I noticed a couple weeks ago that my brother has been drinking but I figured hey you know he says he’s got it under control. He’s 25 years old. I’m not his mom. I can’t babysit him.

Fast forward to today we had a surprise birthday party for our dad and he was running a bit late so I called him and ask him where he’s at and he stated to me that he was going as fast as he can to get there. I was like what do you mean he said that he was going 120 miles an hour in the dark and I told him that that wasn’t safe and he should probably slow down. I got off the phone quickly because I didn’t want to be on the phone when he was driving that fast. (the road he was on the speed limit is literally 45 because of the sharp curves that are on that road and his brakes were bad.) when he got to the house, he played with the kids for a little bit 10 minutes tops sat on the couch and then passed out. I went to give him cake and ice cream tried to wake him up. He would not wake up. I even slapped this man across the face, and he did not wake up. I had to leave shortly after to deal with my own children, upon leaving my children stated to me that he smelled strongly of alcohol and they were concerned. 

I put two and two together and realized that IF he had in fact, been under the influence of alcohol and driving 125 miles an hour, that was not a safe situation. So I messaged his girlfriend and simply asked her if he had been drinking hard again and I asked her if she knew if he had been drinking tonight and that he was driving 125 miles an hour. She asked me if I had proof that he was driving that fast so I sent her a screenshot of the snap that my brother had sent me showing that he was going 125 miles an hour. This is where I’m questioning if I’m the asshole-: she basically had a whole breakdown about how he’s been lying to her, hiding stuff from her drinking randomly, and that she told him after the first time that she caught him lying about stuff one more time and she was done because of past instances with exes. Well, she confronted my brother about drinking and speeding. And he lied to her about both of them. So she told him to get his shit and get out of her house by tomorrow that she wasn’t dealing with him lying and hiding stuff from her or drinking and driving and speeding that fast because she doesn’t want her son in that type of environment.  

My brother is set that I’m an asshole. I ruined his life. It’s all my fault. His life is over and at an all-time low simply because I was concerned for his safety and reached out to his girlfriend.  I obviously had no knowledge of them fighting over the past couple weeks nor that this text would end in such a tragic way otherwise I wouldn’t have sent the damn thing!!! 

So AITAH for texting my brothers girlfriend concerned for his safety?? ",NTA. This is clearly his alcoholism talking.
AITAH For wanting money to help for gas because my bf is using my car,"I (18F) my bf (19M) have been together for almost a year and he has two siblings who are in middle school and highschool, my bf is finically unstable and doesn’t have a car so I offered to lend him my car. Because his siblings go to seperate schools it can use up a lot of my gas and he’s never offered to help or pay. His dad will give me cash sometimes but it won’t be enough. I feel like it’s a given for him to help me pay. I don’t know hot to address it because he’s also unstable finically and I want to help him. ",NTA. I hope he is insured to borrow your car.
"AITAH if I tell my (23M) boyfriend who is struggling mentally, and has been distant and ignoring me (22F), that his behaviour is slowly affecting me ?","Hi! 



TL;DR: My boyfriend told me that he has been going through hurdles, but also has been distant and ignoring some of my messages and it is slowly affecting me



My (23M) boyfriend of 1 year has been ignoring me (22F) for the last 2 weeks. During Christmas break, we saw each other for the first time in 3 months (we’re long distance and I’m studying abroad, but see him every 3/4 months) the entire time he was distant and seemed annoyed with me. A 2 weeks later, I had planned a date for us on Christmas day, he never confirmed even though I made sure to tell him a 2 weeks in advance, and on the day of he cancelled. It made me pretty mad, because I had bought him gifs that HE told me he wanted, and he knew that and I was planning on giving them to him on Christmas day. 

After that, I sent him a message explaining why I was frustrated, I said that I felt like he was mad at me or distancing himself from me. And I explained how it made me feel. He answered by saying that he was sorry that he acted the way he did, and that he was going through hurdles that made him overthinking and therefore, act inappropriately. But he also acknowledged that that wasn’t an excuse. I said that if he needed support I was there, and that if he needs space to tell me, even if it’s just in a sentence just so I know. Because, ibf, I don’t always know how to communicate with him. 

That was 2 weeks ago. I stayed for the holidays for 3 weeks in total, I saw him once, and while we were texting I was starting to feel like he was becoming more distant. 

At the start of the week, because I noticed that his behaviour changed, I sent a message reassuring him, again so he know that of he needs support I’m here. Another thing is that we both love music and he had asked me to make him a playlist to go to sleep to, so I sent him the link to the playlist along with my message. I never got a response and was left on read. I assumed he would give me an answer later, but he never did.



Yesterday was my birthday, and received at love of live from my friends and family :) but I did not receive a message from him (nor a letter which is the only gift I had asked him for) and had to remind him, and received the following messages at 11pm: « Sorry, happy birthday ». As you can probably imagine I was not happy at all, and told him that he needed to be able to at least communicate in a sentence. Again never got an answer, even though he was active on online, so he definitely saw the messages but just decided not to answer.

The last message I sent him was a 7 hours ago to tell that I am aware that he is struggling mentally, and is probably going through a lot, but I would appreciate clear communication, it doesn’t mean writing an entire essay, but just clearly state in a short sentence what type of behaviour I should adopt to help him go through this. I’m yet to have an answer, and again he was on this phone today so I’m sure he saw but that might be too much for him right now. I’ve never been through what he is currently experiencing so I’m trying to be understanding but it is slowly affecting me, getting ignored by your own boyfriend is not easy. 

When I try to talk to him about it he shuts down, when I try to change his mind and talk about something else he’s being distant, and when I give him so time for himself he ignores me for days. I don’t really know how to approach this, because it is clearly something he wants to go through alone, and he is probably protecting my feelings after what happened over Christmas idk 🤷‍♂️ 

I’m tempted to call him since messages are being left on read, or telling him about calling her other next week. I don’t want it to feel like I’m applying too much pressure. I just want to check up on him, and talk about it, because if not I feel like I’ll distance myself without realising. AITA and what would you do if you were me ?



Thanks for reading (that was a lot of words oops)",Girl this relationship is over and he doesn't know how to tell you. And you are ignoring all the hints and purposely done red flags! Tell. Him you enjoyed the time spent but this relationship cannot continue. For the sake of both yall mental health break it off immediately!
AITAH for yelling at my cousin after he told me I was a failure for missing school?,"I (M14) was in Art class about a week ago. I was sitting with my other friends, talking, as there was a sub, so we got to just do whatever. The topic of my cousin, S came up while we were talking. He is the same age as me, and is in my class. He can be cool, but he can also be a bit of a buzzkill sometimes.

One time, one of my friends, D, sent photos of coats, asking which one to get, then decided to just get both. S responded to this by telling D they were horrible for indulging in overconsumption, and that they only needed one coat. 

Ironically, once we switched the topic, S came over, and joined us. One of my other friends, K, was talking about possibly going home, because they felt sick. S started ranting about how always staying home will destroy their life, and make them lack social skills, and they'll be a failure. Then, S turned to look at me, and turned the rant in my direction, talking about how I have the same problem, and how he has thrown up or felt bad at school and still never goes home! This pissed me off.

For context, I don't stay/go home because of boredom or headaches, I only go home for severe pain. Like, every so often, I'll get a stomach ache so bad it feels like my organs are eating each other (yes I have a doctor's appointment booked to check that out), or my head will be pounding so hard I can't focus on anything but the pain. That, and I have a lot of mental issues due to trauma from earlier grades and family life, which have largely affected how much stress I can take, before it gets to a point that I CANNOT be there. This being compared to throwing up made me VERY upset.

Anyways, back to Art class. In the middle of S's rant, I snapped. I lashed out, saying something along the lines of ""It's not my damn fault I want to go home because I feel like I don't want to live anymore half the time I'm here!"" and some other comments I don't remember. I was so angry I was shaking, and in the middle of my yelling, I started crying. S SOMEHOW did not get the hint, only asking ""What did I do?"" repeatedly, while the others told S to leave. It took K yelling at S to leave for him to actually back off. D went to S later asking him to apologise, and S responded with ""For what?""

The next day, S did ""apologise"", but I am 99% sure it was fake, and was only said because he got in trouble with my aunt, his mom. In the apology, S claimed it was directed at K, even though he was literally looking at and addressing me directly while ranting. He also called his comments ""heavy constructive criticism"". What part of that is constructive? I don't know. S is autistic and sometimes struggles to understand emotions, but at this point I fail to see how this is the cause of the autism and not just pure ignorance, as I was literally crying and EVERYONE was telling him to go away. How he didn't connect the dots blows my mind.

Here's where I might be the asshole. I responded to the apology with ""I don't want your fake apologies, I know you probably don't even know what you did wrong because you're so damn dense. Your autism isn't an excuse to belittle me or K like that, and I'm tired of your BS. Nobody even enjoys being around you."" I feel as though I might've been too harsh with that, and S hasn't responded, nor spoken to me at school since then. My mother told me I should've told him more calmly, and not been so rude about it.

What do you guys think, AITAH?","Gentle ESH because y'all're kids.

I know your cousin hurt your feels, OP, but you know that doesn't make hurting his feelings back the right answer. And I'm sure that dealing with your cousin can be exhausting sometimes. It's okay to distance yourself from him. Talk to your parents about finding ways you won't have to be in classes and activities with him. 

Remember: you're not required to take care of him or be his friend. You *are* required to treat him with respect.

I hope the doctors help you quickly and that the solution to your pains is easy."
AITAH for wanting to cut off a friend of mine because she sleeps around?,"P.S (This is my first reddit post idk how to work this) AITAH?

I, F19 have been friends with S, F19 since High-school. We were super close because we had almost every single class together and we were vice captain and captain (respectively) for the school volleyball team.For the entirety of HS, her and I were practically sisters. We would tell eachother EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING. We spoke about life, relationships, friendships, bowel movements EVERYTHING. I love S whole heartedly but she's been making some really bad decisions that upset me. Firstly, she hooks up with guys pretty frequently. Now, I'm no saint, I HATE purity culture, however, S has a tendency to catch romantic feelings for guys pretty quickly. I've warned her against it several times in our talks because we live in a pretty small town where everybody knows everybody and these guys LOVE talking negatively about women they've had sex with (hence the reason I TRY to stay farrr away from them). S on the other hand, simply doesn't care. She falls in love at first sight and sleeps with these horrible men and 9 times put of ten they end up ghosting her. As her friend who's been literally warning her against this since HIGH-SCHOOL, I feel like I'm running put of empathy. As much as I love her, I hate when people ask for advice and don't take it. I feel like an absolute asshole because I feel emotionally tuned out from the friendship. What should I do and also AITAH?","Nta... but consider this....
I was S. I was  raped, years prior. 12, to be exact. It was horrible and I put it behind me and pressed on... Until I turned 17. I went absolutely into a spiral... and it sounds a lot like your friend. I didnt deal with what happened and when it started coming back to me... it was dark. 

Maybe have some distance... But I can tell you this... I wouldnt be here today, if it wasn't for my best friend... She went through the ride with me... Telling me how unhealthy this was... but she loved me enough to make sure I didnt go too far... 

Give her grace... She might need it"
AITAH for trying to keep the peace?,"Myself (M27), my spouse (NB28), and our roommate (M/NB28) share an apartment together. I have known roommate since high school. I’ll call him Steve and my spouse I’ll call Riley. 

Steve likes to smoke weed in our apartment (it’s legal where I live). Riley and I don’t smoke and don’t like the smell of smoke. I tolerate the scent of weed far better than Riley does. Steve and Riley have two kittens from the same litter. Both of them like to play with each other. Steve doesn’t let his cats out into the common area because Riley’s and my cats’ food is always accessible and he doesn’t want his cats to eat it. So, they play in his room where he smokes. Riley hates it so much that they’ve tried to tell Steve to not let their kitten in the room when Steve is smoking. They haven’t listened. 

There is already tension in the apartment with the smoking and having the cat in the room is making it worse. I don’t want to prevent our kitten from seeing his brother because I feel like that’s cruel. But I also understand where Riley is coming from. 

I’ve been trying to calm Riley down and prevent friction. They tend to get emotionally reactive and make bad choices. 

Riley also doesn’t work and hasn’t worked much since we moved in. We’ve been here for 7 months now. Steve and I pick up the slack and that’s caused tension with Steve. Because of that I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells around both of them. Steve is non-confrontational, but I feel both embarrassed and uncomfortable because I know he’s been helping us out a lot by helping with the rent. So, I don’t really want to confront him. We tried to agree to have him smoke outside, but he hasn’t done so. He just nods to what I say and then doesn’t follow through. 

Riley just wrote a note saying that the kitten is no longer allowed to see his brother. I think the phrasing is poor and a bit aggressive sounding. I’m considering erasing it. Would I be an asshole to do so? I’m just tired of the constant tension. I don’t really know what to do about it either because Steve is talking about moving out when our lease is up in June anyway. 

Sorry for the long post. I felt I had a lot to explain. 



","ESH but I’m hoping it’s due to ignorance rather than being unwilling to adult.

Does the lease say, “no smoking” (the vast majority do)? If so, Steve must not smoke weed in the apartment, he’s breaking the terms of the lease and could get you all evicted. Legal geographically doesn’t mean it’s allowed in the rental. If it’s allowed to smoke in the apartment, he’s being damn selfish to insist when you and Riley dislike the stench.

Secondhand smoke of any kind is harmful to cats' respiratory systems and can cause a range of symptoms and long-term health issues, including asthma and certain cancers (such as lymphoma). Marijuana (cannabis) is toxic to cats because they are far more sensitive to THC (tetrahydrocannabinol) than humans. It’s not just about the unpleasant smell, Steve is actively harming the cats’ health by smoking weed around them in an enclosed space.

What do you mean Steve’s helping with the rent? Is he paying some of your rent or buying you groceries because Riley isn’t working, or is he paying his half for a shared apartment while you are covering yourself and Riley’s expenses? Because if it’s the latter, he’s not “helping”, he’s paying his share, same as he would in any other rented apartment; Riley not working doesn’t directly affect him.

You all need to sit down and have an adult conversation. If the lease says no smoking, Steve just has to go outside, end of discussion. He *really* shouldn’t be smoking around any of the cats never-mind two other people who don’t want his secondhand smoke.

Why are you all making the food and playing situations so difficult? You and Riley don’t need to have your cat’s food constantly accessible. I have 3 who have to eat separately. One is on a prescription diet, he can’t eat the other cats’ food. I can’t leave his food out because the other 2 will eat it and he’ll starve. So, they all get fed twice daily in separate rooms. If I can manage this all by myself, I’m pretty sure the three of you could work something out."
AITAH for wanting to be distant with my crush and return his hoodie..,"So a bit of context. I (21f) have a crush on this guy (21m). I’ve known him for years but it’s only been since August last year that we have spoken. To begin with it started with a few conversations here and there to then texting all day everyday even till now. We met up a couple times but it was only until November when we started to meet up once a week. Unfortunately this only happened at night due to the fact I work nights and he works days. So by the time I finished work he would start work. And when he finished work I would be getting my son ready for dinner and so on. In November my feelings had started which is also when we had our first kiss (he instigated this). 

Now after this kiss he would tell me how he wouldn’t kiss any other girls to which I believe. Not much changed after that just a few compliments here and there and was speaking more and got more closer on an emotional level. After this going on for a couple months I decided to admit to him I have feelings for him after Christmas. To which he made a joke and then changed the subject. I then made a joke saying how he would kiss a bunch of girls at the pub (he goes their regularly after work as he’s a labour so does building, bricklayer, fitting windows and so on. And after a rugby game with his fellow teammates) on new year to which he said that he would refuse the kiss head on. 

I then let him know that on new years that I was gonna message him at midnight as I was gonna be at work anyway saying happy new year to which he replies with saying good. At this time he said he don’t talk to other girls unless it’s friends and I said the same to which he also replied good with. So to me that’s something blooming and that he’s being loyal. Now a week later (3rd Jan) we both ended up getting drunk. To which he even tucked my son into bed when he woke up that night as he was round mind. (They met each other before we ended up talking)  after this when I was sure he was a sleep, we ended up making out still drunk, where one thing led to another and we ended up having s\*x. To which he gave me his hoodie that night. 

He stayed the night but left early hours in the morning. After he’s done nothing but been cute and lovey with me. He also admitted to me that night that he liked me back after what we had done. After a few days of this I ended up having a rough night at work and was on the phone crying to him when I had a break to which he comforted me. After that night it seemed like he had gone blunt with me. His usual jokes and responses turned into one word replies. Fast forward today. I had asked if we was okay and he said “nothing changed so we are fine” I just left it as that. A couple hours later I asked him what are we as has been bugging me. His response was “ I don’t do relationships so just friends” this had hurt as he told me he liked me, been excited for me over things, laughed with me, kissed and so on, even been loyal and got on an emotional track. All I replied with is ok and he put back the same. I then put “oh well” as not much I can do now to which he replied with “what” like me accepting that is a problem?…. 

So aitah for wanting to be distant with him now and wanting to return his hoodie. ",I'm sorry but it sunds like he just wanted sex and now doesn't see a use in you. Return the hoodie
AITAH for wanting my roommate/landlord to address noise levels before sending rent?,"So I (M25) live with a live-in landlord/roommate (F31). There’s been an issue of noise well past 3am and it continues even if I ask multiple times. A few days ago decided I’d had enough of going to work on little-no sleep and was going to talk to her about it. Didn’t get the chance to until today because she’s had people over every night playing music again when I work all week as if I’m not there. I’d asked to talk about it weeks ago but was told she was busy and said to let me know and she didn’t. 

The rent was due on Saturday, she was pressing me for the money saying oh I have debits going out tomorrow (on a Sunday) I said to her I need to talk about the noise level before I send money and then she doesn’t reply for 10hours. Then when she does instead of addressing this properly she’s says I’m disrespectful because I didn’t send the rent on time and I can’t talk about respect because of this and we all have our own problems. She then span off saying my weekly rent payments were actually in arrears(?) because it’s for the month and I don’t remember this (even though my rent was backdated when it was agreed I’d be staying full time and it was never mentioned as monthly or anything about notice) and began trying to belittle me acting as if I know nothing about how rent works and distracting from my issue. She said the rent isn’t always sent on time, I said I can ask for the noise to go down 3 times and get yessed away with no change. So why would I send money if without knowing if I’ll just be ignored? This issue has been going on for weeks so why distract over rent that was due in the last 24hrs bc if she’s gonna ignore my message to talk that’s not gonna make me send it quicker and this went on for hours over message saying that I can’t believe you’d think I’d just tell you to leave and not give the money back. 

Here’s where it got complicated. A month or 2 ago, she’d asked me to do some ketamine with her and watch Netflix. I ended up in a k-hole and ended up asking her if she wanted to sleep together, she said no and I literally said fair enough and backed off. I apologised the same night and the morning after and she brushed it off. Now it’s come back up tonight when we’re talking about mutual respect for each others needs but she is gaslighting me saying she’s been very uncomfortable since (hasn’t mentioned or asked me to move out) then said yes my version of events did happen but now she’s gaslighting me by saying that immediately after I continued to ask repeatedly again after. This DID NOT happen as my memory is overall hazy on the night but I’m very clear on that moment and I did not persist. She’s now trying to rewrite the night to make it act like she couldn’t get away and keeps saying do you or don’t you remember and trying to insist that I wouldn’t stop (but didn’t actually do anything). My recollection is I got emotional after I apologised asked her for a hug and we had a deep chat. She is now acting like I kept “trying to hug her” and kept repeating asking over and over again and is talking at me like I really don’t remember anything at all (I do). I’m stupid and said I don’t remember that but if it did happen I apologise to soothe her ego. She is very narcissistic and gaslighting to most people which is why she never keeps any friends. I told her if there is any issue then it needs to be brought up not when she wants to go on the offence. If she was really threatened then why am I still in her house? (The answer to that is because it isn’t true). 

I said do you want to start a clean slate or do you want my notice and she’s said “I’m not sure, the assuming I wouldn’t want to resolve the noise issue and saying you’d wait to pay after we talk has made me view things differently cause despite you saying it’s not personal I’ve taken it personally and that’s aside from the other stuff” and I’d already said can you blame me if you’ve already ignored my previous requests for peace but she’s acting like that part in particular makes me a villain and has taken no accountability. 

I feel like she’s literally gaslighting me and making me feel bad for coming onto her (once when i was off my face from the drugs she was giving me and backing off as soon as she said no) and using it to deflect that I’ve asked for consideration about the most basic human needs before sending money to live here, literally just because I’ve said can you stop blasting loud bassy music in the rooms next to me whilst I’m trying to sleep even if I’ve asked 3 times. Like what do I do from here because she thinks she has the higher ground now and I don’t want her spinning this version of events to others that simply isn’t true and constantly changing. Am I the asshole for waiting days to talk to her about the noise issue because she’s had guests 4 nights in a row because I didn’t send the rent yesterday when asked (even though she didn’t answer my request to talk for 10hrs)? If there’s any advice on how to manage living with a pure narcissistic gaslighter like this I’d appreciate it too. I’m moving out asap but need to navigate this now. ","TBH find another place, this is not gonna work

She feels entitled because she's the owner and it's HER house, so just go somewhere else quickly where you can finally have your quota of sleep"
AITAH for breaking up the relationship of my father?,"Please excuse my grammar and vocabulary english isn't my first language. So I 16F have divorced parents 40F and 43M. My dad got into a relationship about 5 years ago lets call her Fiona 42F and she also has a child 14F who we will call Sandra. At first I really liked them. Sure there were a few rough patches and challenges in the beginning because I used to be an only child and suddenly having a little sister was for sure a change especially with a 9/10 year old. It's also important to add that for the first 2 years of their relationship they were long distance but then she and her daughter moved in with my dad. Then the problems started to arise. She always had to make everything a debate when I said anything. For example I said ""I want to study xyz"" then she would follow up with questions and argue why that isnt a good descision and i should do what she tells me to. Then she tried to take my phone away when i spent ""too long"" in the bathroom, which I didn't do because my own parents don't ever take my phone so why would she think she's so special? Anyways I started to build a good relationship with her daughter tho but I started to become more like a mother/therapist role to her because her mother wouldn't give her the time of day to listen to her struggles and didn't even teach her basix hygiene like how to wash her hair/body, which I had to then do because she was being bullied for it. Fast forward a year where I kind of distanced myself from Fiona but still remained polite and talked with her sometimes. Mind you the whole time she has lived with my dad in the country she has not shown a single effort of getting a job so my father was the ""breadwinner"" and he is not that well off to fully support 3,5 people (im counting myself as half cause im not there full time).

Then they moved into a bigger house and that's when shit really hit the fan. The house was bought and paid by my father and she has not paid a single dime to the morgage. That however didn't stop her from acting like the house belonged to her. She suddenly claimed pots and pans saying I am not allowed to use them because they are hers (my father bought them before she was even in our lives), or that I constantly had to explain myself why I am going somewhere like going to the bathroom or why I am in the kitchen like I am not allowed to be anywhere except my room. And since moving there I also distanced myself from Sandra, because I was tired and emotionally drained from constantly being her therapist. I am not saying she can't vent to me, but it has gotten to a point where every interaction we had had to be about her and her mental struggels, SH and suicidal thoughts, and I couldn't deal with it anymore and I even cried to my mom about it because of the pressure. And the funniest thing for me was when Fiona told Sandra that she isn't allowed to speak/spend time with me, because i vape (my parents know) and drink on parties.

That all came to a head summer break. First incident happend when I asked my father to buy more water because we're about to run out and Fiona kicked up a whole fuss about how I drink too much water and demanded to know my weight so she can calculate how much water I am supposed to drink everyday (it was in the middle of summer and i drank 2-3 liters). The second and worst incident was when i walked inside the living room because I was smoking outside and she commanded me like a dog to sit at the table. Her exact word were ""Sit"" while pointing to a dining chair. I admit I laughed a little because it was ridiculous and sat on the stairs. Sandra also sat at the table and I asked them what's going on because they were staring at me with quite angry faces. Then Fiona started screaming at me that I am an ungrateful brat, that I am disrespectful to her, that Sandra told her everything I had said about her (to this day I still don't know what she allegedly said), that I should not ""put ugly words in her mouth"" her english isn't the best. Then i interrupted her and told her quite frankly that under no circumstances is she to talk to me like that and to speak to me in a normal tone or we're done. Then she said ""Or what are you going to hit me like you did your mother?"" and thats when I screamed at her to shut the hell up and never put my moms name in her disgusting little mouth and told her I am done with her and this conversation and to speak to me again once she came to her senses. For context me and my mom didn't have a good relationship back then because of my ex-stepfather who was verg contrlling and yes me and my mom ""hit"" each other when it was more me pushing her away from me and yes this event was a little traumatic but we have moved on from then and are now best friends. And before some ask where my father was, he was at work and Fiona wasn't because like I said that woman saw my dad as a sugar daddy and never made an effort to contribute financially to the houshold and it was not an arrangement between my dad and her because my dad has asked her time and time again for her to get a job even part time but at least something.

Then Fiona decided that she wasn't done with me and started bombarding my phone with messages which I still think is so ridiculous but for simplicity sake I am going to tell yall the things that stood out most:

Me:I don't want to move around in my home feeling like I have to explain my every move.

Fiona: Well technically it's not your home. It's my home because my residency for the government is here and yours is at your mothers house.

Her:I think you are just a wounded and mentally unstable child because you smoke and drink and that's not normal for your age and I can diagnose that because when I went to Uni i took 2 semesters of psychology.

Me: I don't like it when you try to boss me around. I am 16 not a baby that needs constant supervision.

Fiona: Well your father did leave you in my care so it's my job to watch and take care of you.

Me: He didn't ""leave me in your care"", you're just home all the time because you're too lazy to get an actual job and the taking care of me thing is ridiculous because I entertain myself, cook for myself, clean up after myself so where exactly are you taking care of me?

Fiona: I think you just have a problem with people who are in authority.

Me: But you are literally not? How important do you see yourself that you think that you have any kind of control over me? You are together with my father and thats it. Nothing more nothing less. You have your own daughter who you are an authority figure to if you even want to talk to her other than to yell at her.

And then the most outrageous thing was that she told me to send our entire chat to my mom because Fiona wants to talk to her and she wants to ""inform"" my mother on how disrespectful I have been talking and acting towards her. Funny thing is that I have been sending screenshots to her all this time and been in a video call with her and then she called my father and shouted at him that she never is allowed to talk to me like that again and if fiona ever thinks that she will talk badly about her child to anyone then fiona shouldn't be scared of me hitting her, but she should be scared of my mom hitting her. W mom moment.

Since then I haven't spoken a word to either of them and had a strained relationship with my dad because he kind of took their side and told me to apologize and I always said over my dead body.

Fast forward 6 months of this and he told me that they had broken up because Fiona said I apparently threaten her and am the cause of all their relationship issues and that she wants to move out (to which i laughed out loud cause with what money girl) and so on and so forth. My dad then broke up with her and Fiona agreed. I was ecstatic upon hearing the news but I can see that my father is hurting because of the breakup.

So AITAH for not apologizing and shoving my ego to the side to please my father because I think if I did that, their relationship would've survived.

Edit: Sorry it is so long I wanted to give proper context.","NTA a hundred fold! How dare she treat you like that?

And your dad chose her over you? Why the fuck are you worried about him after he did that? There is a special place in hell for parents who choose their new partners over their kids. And your parents are both so rubbish that they’ve both done that to you at some point.

YOU are the one owed a massive apology and I wouldn’t be speaking to your dad until you get that from him. He made a despicable decision when he chose that bitch over you."
AITAH because I stopped telling my dad that I love him?,"(Fell free to correct my spelling but please be nice about it. English is my second language and spelling is my weakness) 

I (f25) stopped telling my dad (m59) that I love him after I was home for the holidays. And here is why.

I was resantly diagnosed with PTSD, from being abused as a kid. This didn't happen daily and it's not like I was beaten up like in the movies. I never really had bruises but it was enough for me to develop PTSD. I didn't even relise that this wasn't normal till I was 20 because I never questioned it. I only knew the word abuse from movies and TV and I alwasy felt like that was different because I knew my das loved me even when he got violent and he only did it because he wasn't abel to regulat his anger. I always felt like it was my fault for provocing him because l didn't want to go to bed or had a meltdown. Now I know that I just behaved like a child because I was and that my dad should have relised that he needed to work out his anger differently. It took me years of therapy to relise that at all. Even though what he did was wrong and it really hurt me I tried to leave it in the past because holding on to the pain wouldn't change the past anyways and I love my dad, because he is my dad. I also have happy memories from my childhood and well I think he tried to be a good father. 


Now back to the present. I was at home during the holidays. While I was talking to my mum I mentioned that I started crying in the supermarkt because a men started yelling at an employ right next to me and I got scared and that this triggert old feeling. My dad overheard this conversation and started to make fun of me because I said I was triggert. He complaint about my generation and how everything is a trigger nowadays. He basicaly made a lot of fun about the word and that said that I don't have a reason to be scared of a men yelling. What he didn't seem to notice was how hurtfull those words were to me. Out of emotion I told him that I was resently diagnosed with PTSD and being triggert is part of that and how rude it was to belittle my struggels esspecialy when he caused them. After I said that he got angry and the conversation ended because we both left the room. 

Afterwards we didn't talk about what happend and he acted like this conversation never happend. I felt too vunarable to confront him and also didn't want to fight during chrismas so we just irgnored the issue. But someting in me changed, it's hard to explain but it felt wrong to go on and tell him that I love him. 
What you need to know is that I usually text I love you at the end of conversations and when I talk to my mum on the phone I always tell her to tell dad hi and that I love him or to give him a hug.

 Well my mum and dad noticed that I stopped doing that and at the last call with my mum she confronted me. She told me that she noticed that I don't tell her to say hi to dad anymore at all and that dad told her that I don't write Ily at the end of a conversation when I text with him anymore. She said that's it's childish of me to do that and that I should just talk to him when I'm angry and I see her point. She basically said don't be an A-hole, you know how your dad can be and stuff like that. My aunt also think that my behaviour is wrong but I'm nit sure how much my mum told her. 

I know what I'm doing isn't the answer but I just feel like I can't say ily right now but I also don't want to confront my dad, so am I the A-hole because instead of confronting him and trying to talk it out I'm 
 ""punishing"" him with the silent treatment? 

It's hard for me to get away from my emotions and see the situation clearly. Am I an Asshole or is this behaviour somehow reseanable?
I really don't know and I feel bad for doing what I'm doing, please be honest.",Awe is he triggered? How terrible for him!
AITAH for storming out when my family kept talking about my hair?,"Hi reddit. I'm a 33f African American. I decided to go natural when I moved in with my aunt. Sometimes my hair is crazy when I'm at home but when I'm at home I'm at home and my aunt doesn't care because again I'm at home but when I got to work my hair is nice, curly, and made up. My hair is taken care of. The issue is that whenever I come around my family, they always have something to say about my hair being a mess or not neat. I don't typically due it when I'm at home with them. Only when I go out and such. They ask me when I'm getting it cut. When I'm going to do my hair etc. They constantly make fun of it. 

My dad when I 1st wake up will say he thought someone was attacking me but realized it was my hair. Over christmas, he made a video making fun of my hair. It's always about my hair. Today, I had enough. I came downstairs and my parents said something AGAIN then my brother came over and he said something then my sister in law came over and said something. When I told them enough is enough. I'm at home so I'm chilling they pressed harder and stated that they were just ""asking questions."" Then I told them that my hair is done when I'm at work and they need to trust me enough as an ADULT to be able to do my hair. At that point my mother gave me a look which broke me. I had enough and just went upstairs to the guest room and cried. They're making me feel bad about the whole situation, so I don't know if I'm TAH or not.

Edit/Update: I ended up leaving. I called my aunt and told her what happened. She told me what they were doing was bullying and I needed to come home, so I packed up my stuff and was leaving. My dad caught me, and I explained everything to him from the video to them making fun of my hair every time I came over. My mother came in, and they both proceeded to try and make me feel bad about the whole situation. My dad tried to downplay the entire issue and then proceeded to make fun of me stating, ""Here we go again,"" and ""Whoa is OP."" When I asked my dad what I was upset about, he then said,""Because we're making fun of your hair."" I told them all I wanted was an apology, and you are making me feel bad about everything. He said that I'm making me feel bad about everything (what?). I told them they were diminishing what I was feeling, and that's not okay. After a while, my mother got in my face and tried to throw my bag outside, then told me to get out. Later in the confrontation, when I brought this up, they acted like that didn't happen. I've been crying non-stop. I can't believe they would do this to me.",NTA. “Your creepy obsession with my hair is weird. Why do you think my hair is any of your business?” Or “I’m sorry you clearly feel insecure about your hair. But stop taking it out on me. It’s weird and sad.”
AITAH for not wanting my girlfriend to drive my car,"my girlfriend haven’t had a car for a few month, whenever she wants to use my car I have no problem with her using it. until yesterday when she was using my car to run errands around 6pm I get a message from her telling me she gave the neighbor a ride. I have never met this neighbor so we are not close by any means. so she is a stranger to me, however my girlfriend claims to know her but doesn’t even know her name because the only conversation they ever had was in passing.  This pissed me of as this is my personal vehicle she thinks I am selfish for getting upset","My boyfriend always lets me use his truck when I need to but I never even ask to use it for anything other than coming to and from work. I don’t pick up friends/neighbors because it’s not my property. If something happened to it in my care I would be devastated and probably never drive it again. So I’m extra careful. Your gf needs to understand that she has a responsibility of taking care of it and to respect it at all times. Taking care of it more seriously than her own car. Just tell her that if she wants to use your car, stuff like that can’t happen again. What if the car ended up getting stolen because she picked up the wrong person and couldn’t fight to keep it. Understand the conditions or don’t drive it. She isn’t the wife yet, and you have full responsibility of that car. NTA"
AITAH for running away from home after my parents sided with my sister in an argument?,"So, basically, about a year ago, my sister and my best friend got into an argument. I honestly don’t remember who started it or what it was about, but the two of them don’t really like each other. There was a lot of dirty looks and side-eyes, and I was stuck in the middle.

I love both my sister and my best friend, and I didn’t want them to fight because it put me in a really uncomfortable position, especially as there were lots of comments made about the other. My sister started sending me texts saying things like, “if you keep being friends with her I can’t support you”, “blood is thicker than water”, “you’re breaking our bond”, etc. I asked her multiple times why she felt this way but she was never able to actually explain it or give a legitimate answer. She never use to feel this way, and the switch up was honestly crazy.

It all got really stressful and my anxiety was getting bad after months on end of this, so I decided to get my parents involved. On Legacy Day at school, my sister and her friend were being really rude to us (laughing and pointing in front of us, giving us dirty looks, rude comments, etc.). I tried to talk to her about it but she refused to talk to me and completely ignored me. I was at my wit’s end and so upset, so I cried in the bathroom and called my mom to explain what was going on. She said we’d have a family discussion.

A couple of days passed and nothing had happened, so I asked if we could have the discussion. Everyone agreed eventually. During the discussion, I explained why I was upset, the things my sister had been doing to my best friend, and the things my best friend allegedly did - although I really didn’t see any of it, and personally, dont think she’s in the wrong. What my best friend may if have done (side-eyeing) was extremely minor compared to the things my sister did  (making fun of my friend when she was performing at school band, really rude, insensitive comments, etc.) I tried to give my sister the benefit of the doubt but it got to a point where she was really crossing a line and It was really affecting both me and my best friend. 

I was expecting my parents to take my side and tell my sister to stop. Instead, they got really mad because my sister revealed that, on Legacy Day, I had said “if  don’t stop I’m going to the dean” - which was an empty threat; I wasn’t actually going to do it. My parents accused me of “playing victim” and “pretending I hadn’t done anything,” and it completely disregarded my perspective. Everyone was mad at me because they were saying I was trying to get my sister in trouble, which wasn’t true. I just wanted the conflict over - especially as not only were the things she was doing to my best friend were not okay but also as it was really badly affecting my mental health. I had pretty bad anxiety issues from school and this problem between my sister and best friend were making it worse.

I got really upset. My sister was laughing at me after this discussion, and acting all snarky because she knew she was in the wrong and was so happy the parents hadn’t seen that. I genuinely couldn’t believe how it had resulted, and just felt so upset and disregarded. I just wanted things to end, but instead I got in trouble. In the moment, I decided to tell everyone I was going on a walk for ‘air’, but I was just so overwhelmed that I couldn’t stand going back home. I went on a completely different track and ended up by the beach. I stayed there for hours and by the time I finally went home my parents were out in cars looking for me and were just a few more hours away from calling the police. I know this may have been and overreaction, but if I stayed in that house for any longer I genuinely don’t know what would have happened.

So, AITA for running away from home because my parents didn’t take my side in an argument with my sister?","NTA. It sounds like your family invalidates you a lot. For the future, work on your self-esteem, self-worth, and having faith in your truth and what you believe. Don't let anyone change your reality or make you change your truth. You got this."
AITAH for telling my friend that I’m not stealing her boyfriends if they didn’t liked her back in the first place?,"I (25F) am a very outgoing, energetic person. I love running, working out, lifting, and being active in general. However my biggest flaw is I’m a people pleaser.

One of my close friends, Stacy (25F) is less outspoken but genuinely a great person. We’ve been friends for about 3–4 years.

About 5months ago Stacy and I got into a massive argument I’m talking mutual friends involved and things (it was petty) but anyway she basically said that she hates being friends with me cuz everyone chooses her over me. I had a really hard time with that and tried everything. I’ve tried to help her step out of her comfort zone and make more friends and other stuff wish she says no to. This argument also kind of had me walking on eggshells around Stacy all the time.

Now, I’ve been going to the same gym for a long time. It’s basically my second home. I know most of the regulars — guys and girls — and I’m friendly with a lot of people there. I told Stacy how much I loved the gym, she decided to join my gym.

That’s when things started going downhill.

Stacy has a habit of getting intense crushes on guys, but she doesn’t really date them. She’ll like one guy a lot, then move on to another she thinks is “better.” Almost immediately after joining the gym, she started liking guys I already knew — guys I’d been friends with for months or even years. And every time she’d see one of them talking to me, she then gets upset that they’re giving me more energy than her.

Eventually, she’d confess her feelings to these guys… and every single one of them told her they didn’t feel the same way. She started blaming me for that.

Fast forward to Tyler. Tyler was introduced to me through a mutual friend group, and for the first time ever, I had a real, serious crush. We talked, got to know each other properly, and eventually started dating. He is amazing. 

Ever since Tyler and I started dating, Stacy constantly comments on it. Every time we hang out, it’s: “How’s Tyler?”,“What’s Tyler doing?”,“I’m sooo jealous of you guys.”

Every. Single. Time.

Keep in mind though Tyler and Stacy do not hangout together unless in a group setting with our whole friend group. Which Tyler doesn’t really come to either since he’s got major social anxiety.

One day, I’m at home when Tyler calls me and says, “Hey… I just ran into Stacy at the supermarket, and it was kind of uncomfortable.”

That immediately felt off, because Stacy had never shown interest in Tyler directly before.

Tyler explained that she ran into him, said hi, and started standing very close to him — touching his chest, his biceps, and being very in his personal space. He felt awkward and uncomfortable, especially becauseof his anxiety. Tyler is one of the most polite people out there, even if he really doesn’t want to talk to you he will make himself uncomfortable for you, so him saying. And I quote. “I just wanted to get out of there and go home.” About a friend is put me even more over the edge.

A few days later, I was at Stacy’s house for lunch. We were making quesadillas, everything felt normal, so I casually brought it up and said,

“Oh, Tyler told me you guys ran into each other at the supermarket.”

She then admitted they talked.

Then I said,

“He said you were kind of hitting on him.”

She immediately got defensive and said,

“Excuse me? No. I would never do that. Do you seriously believe him over me?”

That’s when the conversation spiraled.

She accused me of changing since I got a boyfriend, said I’d become “one of those girls” who abandons her friends, and then suddenly said,

“You’ve always been trying to steal my boyfriends.”

I was completely confused and said,

“Stacy… You haven’t had a boyfriend.”

She responded that all the guys she liked at the gym would’ve been hers if I hadn’t “stolen them.”

That’s when I finally snapped and said:

“I’m not stealing your boyfriends if they never liked you in the first place.”

She completely lost it — yelling, crying, saying I’ve always overshadowed her and that my personality makes it impossible for her to have a chance.

I admit that was cruel of me. I did apologize. And I sat to comfort her while she cried on the floor. I feel really bad and like a terrible friend for not being able to prevent this or to have her feel like this.

While I held her she kept saying how she hated me but I was always good to her, she just hated how much people liked me. I just sat there and rubbed her back, and led her to her room where she slept. 

I genuinely feel terrible for even letting get to this extent, and I don’t know how to fix it. So Aitah?","NTA. She is, though. I'm a guy and I've got a better-looking best friend and the girls always went for him. Sure, it was a knock to the ego if I liked someone but they preferred him. But you know what I never did - blamed him for it! Its not his fault and he's my friend, so why would I turn him into the cause of all my issues?

This woman IS NOT your friend. She's a person you thought was a friend, but secretly resented you and has decided to make you the dumping ground for all the perceived failures in her life. What you ultimately said to her was blunt, but it was the truth - and frankly she had no cause to complain after what she'd said to you.

Also, she was definitely hitting on Tyler - either because she likes him herself, or because she wanted ruin your relationship by getting him to cheat. Either way, she is not your friend."
AITAH for not taking the advances of my friend?,"I recently started living with my friend (M23) he has his own small house and he graciously lets me stay. He recently on another post I made was caught by me sniffing my underwear. It really made me uncomfortable and upset. But he claimed ignorance.

I let it go but this week he asked if we could go out to eat. Not just eat but a small date he said I politely declined because I’m honestly not looking for anything right now. 

He responded by being cold to me the next few days and when he asked again yesterday I felt a massive sense of guilt. So I went on the date with him to a pretty relaxing enjoyable time to be honest. But I ended up getting drunk due to us sneaking a bottle of wine home and we ate a lot. I was under a lot of stress and I ended up kissing him by the end of the night due to being both equally depressed and grateful for my friendship with him and happy I have a home to live in, but I fell asleep before anything else happened. When I woke up he was watching me and helped me with my hangover. I don’t know his intentions and it feels as if it’s moving to fast for me. I feel almost scared to reject his intentions and I tried to explain only for him to rub my back and walk me through it and genuinely care. I am confused and sluggish today dealing with my hangover. Info needed…

AITAH for saying I no then doing it anyway? I don’t know what to feel… ",Move out
AITAH for moving on from my Dads passing after just over a month?,"My 56M father passed away on the 25th of this past November. He had been battling cancer for a number of years and his body had finally given up. I 32M hadn't seen or spoken to my father since late 2019 shortly after my son was born. 

You see my father was an alcoholic and not the drink till he passes out kind unfortunately. He was the its after 12pm so im drinking type, He would drink at work as he owned his own gardening and landscaping company. He had lost his licence several times and had 2 stints in prison due to his drunk driving. He was also the violent type, he used to beat up on my siblings and I as well as my mother on a regular basis. Mum and I would get it alot worse then the others and his beatings even caused my mother to develop epilepsy. 

Dad and I were never close as I grew up but would share the odd message here and there but in 2019 he came round to see my son for the first time and he was drunk. Straight away my finance asked him to leave as she knew his violent past and given her Job as a police officer it pu her in a awkward spot. She messaged him. the next day and asked him to not come to our house drunk especially dont drive there in that state and his response was "" Mind your own business, im a grown man who can make there own choices"". 

I made a choice that day I reached out to him and said moving forward he will no longer be welcome at our house or around  our Son. I also said that an apology is needed for all the physical/mental abuse he put me through as a child as well as an apology to my partner before any kind of bridge mending could take place.

Fast forward to early 2025 and my grandmother reached out to tell me about his cancer and that it was terminal. I battled for weeks internally whether I should reach out and my now wife said what's the worst that happens if you do, he hasn't changed but atleast you tried. she was right so I reached out. just messages at first then eventually I started to visit him and it went well. in his last 6 weeks he was in hospital so I'd travel 3 hours every sunday to visit him spend the night and talk about the few good times we had as kids  growing up then id drive back the next morning for work.

 His final day was peaceful we discharged him from hospital and at his request we visited his local beach one last time before we returned back to his unit where he died via VAD (Voluntary Assisted Dying). All of the family present cried myself included and I felt sad for the next 2 weeks or so but now I dont feel sad anymore i dont really feel any real way about his death.

his side of the family invited me to spend Christmas with them but I declined as 1. Its a hectic time of year and the date they choose to do Christmas clashed with my wifes family
2. I knew the day would be focused around him and it was. 

He never did apologise for any of his actions when I was a kid and I told him I forgave him but I think I just gave up on my feelings of resentment and am just ready to move on.

So am I the asshole?",The reality is that you moved on years ago.  Visiting him was just to give yourself closure.  NTA
AITAH for talking back to my father and sparking a family fight?,"Hello Reddit. I’m using a burner account because I’ve never used Reddit before and only want some advice about my small situation.

So I’m 18 y/o transgender male and I have 4 siblings (all girls). It was my one sister’s 21st birthday so our whole family ( mom, dad, four sisters, birthday girls bf, and I) went out to eat for dinner. It was ok, the food was mediocre and the conversations weren’t really flowing. There wasn’t really a problem until we all got home. As I said, I’m transgender so I’m technically born female and get a period like people who have vaginas do. When we got home I had to charge my pad because well my flow is very heavy (I change it every like 2 hrs or less and use a extra thick one) I was taking a while because I had ran out and had to steal some from my sisters. I didn’t know while I was searching for a pad, the rest of my family were waiting for me to take photos. I took about maybe 4 minutes max because I ended up getting a pad from my mom because my sisters ran out too. When I came down for photos everyone was upset at me and I don’t usually care. I’m not one of those emotion-heavy period people so I wasn’t really phased by most of the comments that were being said. However, I do not like standing for photos for too long. I’m the tallest in my family so I’m always in the back or middle surrounded by people so it’s hot or people are too close to me. My mom wanted the birthday girl in the middle sitting while my 3 sisters stood behind her and I was all the way in the back. (To clarify, I am a foot taller than my siblings and I have no idea why, they are all 4’9-5’2 and I’m about 5’10) I was ok with standing in the back because I usually do but my mother was taking a billion photos from every angle possible. I asked if she was almost done after about 5 minutes of standing there in the same position (there’s a clock in the kitchen so I was watching it very closely and kept checking the time) My mother got angry and said “do you have somewhere to be?” And my dad cut in and said “probably has to go resume shitting because we interrupted him” At this point I was overstimulated by the heat radiating off my sisters and the comment did make me mad so I snapped back “I was putting on a pad because I’m bleeding out of my vagina and unless you want to clean the gushing period blood off your floor then I think you can wait for 5 minutes.”

Everyone was in shock. My father said that’s disgusting and I shouldn’t talk like that infront of men (him and my sisters bf) and I said “I don’t care, pooping is just as normal as periods and you live with 6 people with vaginas and raised 5 kids with vaginas so I think you know what a period is.” My mother lost it on me, saying I was ruining the night by talking back and being rude to my father. She said that talking about a period like that was disgusting and I shouldn’t weaponize it. My sisters were silent and didn’t say a word. The only person that said anything was my sisters bf who said “Well you guys did assume he was pooping so he was just telling you the truth” (I don’t really talk to my sister’s bf so I don’t know why he was sticking up for me) The birthday girl finally spoke and said “Marcus (fake name for her bf) please be quiet” He looked pretty upset at that and just walked out the front door. The birthday girl went after him while my mother and father were now fuming at me. My father said he didn’t want to talk anymore and went to his room. My mother said that I ruined the whole birthday because I’m too sensitive and need to grow up. 

Marcus did not come back in after that and the birthday girl went into her room and like my parents, haven’t come out yet. My 2 other sisters left because no one else besides us were there for a good 20 minutes. (I’m sorry if you’re getting confused with my sisters because I have 4 in this story but I didn’t want to give them all names and forget/ mix them up. They all ended up leaving after the fight anyways) Now I’m in my room writing this because I don’t think I’m an asshole but the birthday girl texted me saying “thanks for ruining my birthday and my relationship you fucking asshole” 

So AITAH? I don’t think I am because my father wanted to make a comment off of an assumption and I just simply corrected him with a little hint of sass. ",Your sister's bf is the only one who's not an asshole in this story.
AITAH for telling my sister to get out of my room everytime she enters?,"So I'm a 13yo girl and my sister is fifteen, and we dont really get along often as most siblings do. But recently she's been really disrespecting my space (for context my room is a small loft that you cant even stand in.) So I hate when people are in my room bc they're going to be like 5 feet away from me. And today my sister came into my room to chase my cat, which i told her not to do. And the whole time i was telling her to leave my cat alone and leave my room mind you i wasn't yelling, but instead she sat at my desk and just started looking through all of my stuff. Like she'd pick a journal up lip through pages and just drop it on the floor. As she kept doing this my pleas for her to leave got more agitated and now she's mad at me because she say ""I can come in here anytime i want, you're just being a b!tch"". So AITAH?","You’re NTA. I used to deal with this from my older sister when we both still lived at home. She would come in my room and swipe everything on top of my dresser onto the floor and walk out. I’d have to spend twenty minutes straightening my room back up. It’s infuriating. 

She shouldn’t disrespect your space. If your parents won’t enforce that, I’d start locking your door when you’re in there. If you aren’t allowed to lock your door, then start disrespecting her space back. Show her how it feels. 

Unfortunately, having an older sister means she is going to feel like she has the right to boss you around. I’m ten years older than you and it still hasn’t changed for me lol."
AITAH for being upset that my girlfriend telling literally everything about us to her friends and hiding things from me?,"So me m18 and my girlfriend f18 have been going on for about 6 months strong, we've had amazing and beautiful experiences together and I feel a connection to her that ive never felt before with anyone else. I trust her with my life and tell her things that ive never told anyone else and she's told me that she (well I atleast thought was true) has never told anyone else. We've had a lot of bumps and slip ups but we've always been able to push past them and stay together. On new years actually we've had one of our biggest bumps yet, she broke up with me. She never really explained why but I told her I'd always be right by her side to support her. A lot of things changed when her friend added me and told me and showed me things that I never would have thought my girlfriend would have said. She talked about how I was extremely difficult to talk to and how she lost love for a while before she broke up with me, only staying because she thought I would hurt myself. I even found out that when we first started dating she didn't even love me, she was infatuated with another man. Her friend was also being really unsupportive at the same time, she joked about doing sexual acts with my girlfriend and basically calling me a piece of shit saying I treated her horribly when I would literally do anything for my girl. I tried telling my girlfriend about how I dont like her friend and the things she said and she instantly snapped at me saying I have no right to say anything about it and saying I was ""completely delusional"". AITAH for saying something and getting upset? Should I have just let things slide? She's now not messaging me at all and i'm kind of worried.","You're not the arsehole for being upset. It sounds like you BOTH were on different understandings of the relationship, and by the sounds of it, you can do a lot better. She doesnt respect you and spoke badly behind your back without honesty or empathy to how you'd feel. I think this needs to be an ex, and despite your immemse feelings you're still young and have plenty of practice to come. Chin up OP"
WIBTAH If I make my cousin lose all his friends,"I (18F) grew up extremely close to my cousin (18M). We went to the same school, were in the same grade, and were both bullied. I was always expected to protect him and forgive him because people said he was “mentally younger,” which I never agreed with, but it made me feel responsible for him. I was labeled the “smart, mature one,” and I knew that comparison hurt him, so I constantly minimized myself for his sake. When bullying got worse and I started to get into physical fights to defend him, he changed schools, and although we grew apart, we still shared childhood moments at my grandmother’s house. Problems came when my mom married my stepfather, another alcoholic like my dad, causing many problems and complicated family experiences. Meanwhile, my cousin’s family suffered severe financial problems due to his father’s gambling addiction. Although things eventually improved thanks to my grandfather and my mother’s constant help, my aunt and cousin became used to receiving support and saw it as an obligation. After years of seeing each other almost only at Christmas, he transferred to my high school. At his old high school, he had been beaten up because a classmate was annoyed that he was too noisy. He made a group of friends, in this group was Thom and Kurt who I thought was a jerk. The following year. I started to hang out with Thom a lot, mainly because of books and music. That latter interested Kurt, and little by little he began to approach us to learn more about “old” music, there came a point where the three of us became super best friends, especially when we all got instruments and started playing
 Two other girls joined us and formed a very special and close bond. That same year, I went through a very serious depression when my older sister tried to poison my stepfather, my mom and me. Not only did the justice system do nothing, but my whole family defended her and took her side and don't believe she did it, but while my family called me the bad sister for not even wanting to look at her, my cousin stood by my side, and all my favorite moments and memories with that group of friends were mostly because of a joke from him. In our final year, the group grew inseparable, our chosen family, My cousin and I reconnected like siblings but My cousin’s girlfriend cheated on him. I tried hard to be there and support him. and after months of fighting nonstop, Kurt and I started dating. For graduation, I had prepared a little letter for my cousin thanking him for staying by my side and saying that my greatest achievement that year was seeing him graduate. My cousin had many academic problems. To help him I even made him complete projects. Also, whenever I achieved something academically, I never felt I deserved it because in my head it wasn't fair to him. But everything fell apart this December after a year of trying to get used to college, to a career that my family chose for me and that I hate, not being able to see my friends as often, and my sister not leaving us alone and literally hitting my mom and ending up with she in court almost being taken away by security for being crazy and disrespectful to the judge. Everything was relatively normal. Kurt was at my house, my cousin called him. I liked to joke that my cousin was jealous of Kurt and I being together. He often said things to me like I had to respect his rights over Kurt as his best friend, for some reason he really gets annoyed if someone says or suggests that he and Kurt are now ""family"". I said something to him while Kurt and he were talking on the phone, a stupid joke like, “There's the jealous one.” When the call ended, I saw that he sent Kurt a couple of messages.
Since high school, I would sometimes send him messages from Kurt's phone to see how long it would take him to realize it was me. He said things like literally saying that he (Kurt) only matured to be with me and that why he couldn't be the same idiot he used to be, that Thom and I forced him to mature and he wants to go back to being his old friend and stop thinking he's superior, that deep down he's still the same jerk.
Then he started saying that being with me is no achievement, that even his mom (my aunt) told him that Kurt is a poor thing, how he could ended up with me, that I'm conceited, and that he didn't know anything about what was really going on in the family, that everything I've said is a lie and he stupidly believes me, that there has never been any proof of what my sister did (YES there is, there's even a legal case) and that she has tried to get away and have a normal life but that my mom and I won't leave her alone (again, she harassed us all year and hit my mom), that I just put crap in his head and he should leave me, that he should stop believing me, that I'm jealous because my grandfather support them (my cousins and aunt) takes them on trips, and gives them money, while he only sees me once a year and other very bad things about my mom and how I was a terrible sister and person. 
Since what happened with my sister, I had never cried so much because I swore that he believed me and wasn't on her side, and that he really loved me and believed me. In my head, he was the only family I had left, besides my mom and little brother. After everything I've done for him. The few happy childhood memories I had left are ruined, the memories with my friends are ruined, everything is ruined. And honestly, not only do I not understand how my family prefers her, I don't know what I did to make my cousin do this to me,I've always done the impossible for his happiness, and now he wants to ruin mine. I sent him a message telling him that it was me and that he screwed up because I genuinely planned to continue helping him for the rest of his life, whether with emotional or financial support, but that now I would never do anything for him, even if he didn't have to eat. I threw everything I had done for him in his face and told him to grow up, that no one in that family would ever love him as genuinely as I did and that he had just ruined everything. I think he then told Kurt that I act like a saint but that I treated him badly once when we were kids. 
 I told the rest of the group of friends, and they all took my side and even started complaining about how behaviors or comments from him were bothering them quite a bit, they said to me that if I decide to not forgive him they are gonna kick him out of the group and their lives. My cousin already tried to apologize, saying that he didn't really mean everything he said and that he was just stressed out from work and still not over his ex. He knows I'm perfectly capable of cutting him out of my life completely. The only thing I care about is my group of friends. he really, really loves the group, I don't like being the responsible for making my cousin lose all his friends, but for moments I get really really mad, remember all the things he said and all the things I have done for him, and I really thinks I deserve to get revenge. 
","NTA at all. That was not “stress,” that was him finally saying how he really feels and hiding behind stress after he got caught.

You didn’t blow up your relationship, he did when he chose to trash you and your mom to your own boyfriend and side with your abusive sister. Cutting him off is a boundary, not revenge. If the group drops him too, that’s a consequence of his own actions, not something you “did” to him."
My (22M) fiancé has a feederism kink AITAH,"I (21F) am engaged (yeah yeah I know we are young) to my fiancé of 3 years (22M) and have recently (as recent as a few months) been told by him that he has a feederism kink and he wants to get really chubby(/bedbound possibly) and wants me to be his feeder. 

It doesn't turn me on but I guess I am not here to kink shame and he is well aware that I will feed him but it's nothing sexual to me. Problem is that I really do not want him to intentionally make himself fat to the point of being immobile. 

He is skinny (not super skinny but okay size to be healthy) and I do not care what his body looks like unless it gets unhealthy in which I just want him to be healthy, but he really wants to get bigger and bigger until he can only rely on me to feed him in bed. 

I understand fantasies are exciting but when it becomes a health problem and comes to rely heavily on someone else I don't agree with it.

I really love him but it seems that almost every time I want to get intimate he brings up gaining weight or eating (which I do not mind too much as the kink itself doesn't bother me) and really I just want to have regular sex with my fiancé.

I have told him that sometimes I would prefer to just have normal sex and it does happen, and he does acknowledge that he will tone down the amount of times he asks me to feed him during intimate moments, but I can tell it bothers him which makes me upset.

Should I move on? Are we just not that compatible? AITAH?",So it's his kink to have you financially support him while psychically caring for a heavily disabled person? Kinks shouldn't massively lower your quality of life.
AITAH for causing my Aunt’s teaching license to be removed,"TW: SA

This is really long and I would say chaotic, but I’m gonna focus on this specific issue .

So last year around September, my niece came up to me and confessed that she was actually being abused by her grandfather immediately I talk to the parents and encouraged them to file a case against the grandfather.

It was a long fight, but eventually we didn’t win because the parents decide that they’re not going to push a case and just send the grandfather away which is really crazy.

I took a stand for my niece and you know she’s just scared to stand up in court to file a case because her parents have already brainwashed her that it’s going to be a scary and long process and according to the lawyers I have talked to if the abused wouldn’t stand in court then there’s no case. Since there’s nothing else I can do I just let it be.

But with that confession, another cousin of mine came up also to me and said that she was also been abused by his very own brother, which is also my cousin and it’s crazy because she told me that the abuse has been going on since 2020 and that four months later from the start of the abuse, the parents already know and all they did was just scold the brother, they still live in the same roof. They still tried to force this sibling thing, and honestly, it’s just crazy that after all this time they’re still living together and according to the mother, when we confronted her, she said she didn’t know that it was still happening because we have already scolded him. That’s just the most craziest thing to say!

You cannot imagine how angry I was because of that and the family was also angry, we told my aunt that the only thing to do is to file a case because how could you as a mother, not protect your daughter and she said no I can’t because that’s also my son too which is again so frkn crazy because she said like “don’t you ever dare ruin my son‘s career”

I already told my cousin to file a case, but again the same thing as my niece, she was already brainwashed by her mother. She was saying that if the story comes out, it’s going to be your fault.

Her dad is sick recently last year was diagnosed with prostate cancer and they’ve been just like really trying to meet the ends and I think it’s just karma doing it’s thing, but anyway the mother was like pushing if something happens to your dad it’s gonna be all your fault which is for me the craziest thing to do because what the heck!! so again my cousin did not want to file a case. She just requested that the brother will be sent away and that’s what the brother did and just now I found out that last December 20 he got married with his girlfriend. I cannot just shut up anymore like how could this abuser be enjoying his life while her sister is suffering.

The thing is my aunt is a public school teacher and my mom was also a public school teacher before so I know a couple of teachers in her school. My mom is dead already by the way, so yeah, I tipped them off saying that this happened and the rumor starts spreading and she was actually called through the office and was now fighting for her license and again like I have mentioned his husband has cancer and my aunt was the only one who’s earning money and now they are like having troubles financially, and some of the family actually hated my guts on doing that because they said it was like too much, but I think I have to do what I have to do and I don’t feel sorry at all.

So am I the asshole for causing my Aunts teaching license removed because she enables her rapist child.

EDIT:

Thank you all for the response and sorry for some typos as I have typed this whole thing I was kinda frustrated.

Just an additional detail. I am from the PH. All victims are minor. I am 28yo.

Case 1: my niece, on the day that I found out I immediately notified the parents and had them filed a case which they eventually didn’t continue because according to her mom “they don’t want to damage their reputation” I went to our local CPS and asked for help, according to them they can review but the thing is if proven the parents could be listed as accomplice. And the child will be taken. I still consider my niece’s feeling about this so I told her whats going to happen. Brainwashed enough she said as long as the perpetrator is away, she’d very much like to stay with her parents.

Case 2: my cousin, which is the person here in my story, is experiencing the same thing. She was also brainwashed and guilt trip that if anything happens to her dad who’s sick is going to be her fault. As a minor she’s taking it seriously. I assured her that it’s not going to be her fault, but again she only requested that her perpetrator to be away and she will be fine.

Both parents banned me from talking to them. But we secretly chat just to check on them.","NTA. Anyone who abuses children, or enables abusers should be in jail. Your aunt, bring a teacher ffs, is a mandated reporter of abuse. I am so proud of you for trying to stand up for your cousins. The fact that they just sent these abusers away makes me SICK... you know they won't stop, they will just find new children to abuse. I would warn the new gf so no one in her family gets assaulted, or they have children! You did not ""cause"" any of this. These are the results of the abusers and enablers own actions, or lack there of!"
WIBTAH for getting a sublease without letting my parents know?,"So I (19F) rented out a room and haven’t really told my parents about it yet but I plan to sometime this week hopefully, and the only reason why I haven’t is because I’m scared of how they’d react since they have a history of just being verbally and emotionally abusive. I’m just wondering whether I’m in the wrong for going about it this way and if I should have mentioned the idea beforehand or at least hinted at it? Is what I’m doing right now stupid. Even though during the few crashouts I’ve had I told them I’d leave. That was ages ago though.

I’ve just been wanting my freedom for a while now and not having them literally control everything I do in life, I can barely even participate in club activities without having to mention it to them all the time or sometimes even if it runs late they want me home asap. So idk

Let me mention they practically take my phone every night, simply bc they don’t want me using it but I’m at the age where I can do my own things. Me staying up does not affect them once whoever but somehow they try to find a way to add themselves into it. I’m just tired at living at home ultimately and trying to make my own decisions. Since they’re constantly hovering over me and want to know every aspect of my life. ",[deleted]
AITAH for telling this guy he looks like my ex?,"So for context I (19F) met this guy (21M) on Tinder!! we texted for a few days before meeting in person and he seemed quite normal via messages until he proposed for me to come over at his place for our ""first date"" and I wouldn't have minded to go if it only wasn't the case where well, we were basically strangers... so I kind of thought it was a red flag but brushed it off and just told him to hang out at a public restaurant instead. 
The days passed and the date day arrived I got dolled up and ready to meet him and he was actually pretty nice BUT and here comes the problem, I DO NOT like physical contact, not even from my family, not even from my friends or anyone really. 
  And the first thing this guy did when he saw me for the first time has hugging me from the back by my waist and I froze I know it may be normal for some people but not for me so I kind of freaked out and told him he looked like my ex (lol I know) I guess I got nervous and just said the first thing that came to mind and I kept using that excuse when he got too close or whenever he kept making sex insinuations.
 Fast forward date ended.
Things got kind of rough in the texting field the next days we kept talking however I felt awful for telling him he looked like my ex and I kept apologizing expecting that didn't make a huge impact on him. I took the desition for both and ""broke up"". I told him it wasn't going to work and we both ended up on good terms.

That was the end 

This thing keeps me up at night to be honest, I deeply regreted it even it was just my fight or fly mode taking over and even if he was just a player I still think about it till this day.
¿AITAH?


edit: or at least that's what I thought..
 Because then he popped in my life once again  just talking to me out of nowhere for some days and my friends told me he probably just wanted to have sex with me so Installed tinder once again to see if that was true and just like I thought he was active in his profile (probably talking or seeing other girls too lol). I found out but I just didn't reproach anything to him and then he ghosted me when he saw me with another guy (my gay bestfriend) which he would have known if he asked but since he didn't well I guess am a ho in his head",NTH He crossed the line by getting sexual when you weren’t cool with it. Saying something awkward doesnt make you the bad you were just protecting yourself.You don’t owe anyone anything just for going on a date.
AITAH for telling my (F 33) boyfriend (M 29) his non stop affection feels dis genuine?,"We’ve been dating 2 months, thinking of marriage. He smothers me with affection. Tells me i’m so cute, so pretty every 5-15 minutes. When i’m not even looking at him, he keeps saying it. When i walk by him, he’ll keep saying it. At first, I thought it was cute but as it got more extreme, i felt it was odd, as i am never used to someone do that. I told him, it feels like you are joking around/ doesn’t seem genuine because you do it so very often. He says that’s how he usually shows affection and then got super upset with what I said and I hurt his feelings. I apologized and explained to him it didn’t mean I wanted him to stop but I wanted to understand him more. But he decided himself he will reduce the amount of affection he gives me. The next day, he still seemed very upset about it, being passive aggressive. I tried to cheer him up in different ways but I could sense he shut down emotionally. His silence and withdrawal made me feel uncomfortable and awkward. Yes, i could of worded things better and said things more carefully. But I felt there was nothing else i could do other than give him space, so i went home. What should I do? I have no where else to ask. I feel emotionally drained already and upset this happened. ","Friend, you've been dating 2 months. You've barely met. You tried to have an honest conversation and he turned it into *this*. Getting passive aggressive, giving you the silent treatment, making you feel ""emotionally drained already and upset"". All because you pointed out that him calling you pretty every 5 minutes starts to feel disingenuous after a while--and you're absolutely right. What he's doing *does* sound disingenuous. Like other commenters have mentioned, it looks like love bombing."
AITAH for Feeling Uncomfortable with Paying for my Own Engagement Ring?,"
My husband and I recently joined our finances, so everything now comes out of one joint account.

He proposed with a beautiful diamond engagement ring. One of our monthly payments (£112.78) is for the ring. I’ve asked several times how long this payment will run for, but he’s always brushed the question off.

I’ve recently sat down and done some rough maths. I think the ring cost around £8,000, with a £1,500 deposit, leaving about £6,500 financed. He paid it himself for roughly 6–8 months before we joined accounts, and we’ve now been paying it jointly for 4 months. Based on that, it looks like there may still be ~£5,000 left, which would mean several more years of payments.

Here’s where I’m struggling: I genuinely don’t feel comfortable paying for my own engagement ring. I understand we now share finances, but symbolically and emotionally, this doesn’t sit right with me. I didn’t choose the ring, agree to its price, or agree to a multi-year repayment. The idea of funding my own engagement ring makes me feel sick.

For context, I recently had eye surgery costing £8,000. We jointly discussed it, I put in £4,000 of my own savings, and the remaining £4,000 is being paid from our joint account over 12 months. That felt completely different as it was planned, transparent, and agreed.

I’m not opposed to contributing some money for a short, defined period (e.g. around a year total), but I don’t want to be paying for my own engagement ring over several years.

Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way and wanting the remaining balance handled outside our joint finances? Or is this a fair boundary?

Genuinely interested in objective perspectives.

Edit: I should add that this came about because I look at our accounts each month and asked him what that direct debit was and he told me it was for the ring. I asked how long he had left on it and he said he wasn’t sure. I asked again about for maybe the third time a few days ago as I was going through our finances again and he said it was probably a few years but he wasn’t sure. I didn’t say more at the time, but I have been thinking about it quite a bit since and really wondered if I was being unreasonable before bringing this to him and sitting down to talk about it.

I should maybe also add for those saying he doesn’t have his own money anymore that he does in fact have his own money from stocks and shares that is fully is. He prefers to use this money for holidays, which for transparency I am included in those holidays too now. We did not bring together premarital assets. 

Lastly, I did not pick the ring, and I had no input in the purchasing of the ring. I only found out about the repayments after we combined finances and I was checking our bank account. ",YTA for obviously beeing OK with a 8k ring while this seems to be way out of  (both of your) budget! That's insane!
AITAH for being pissed my family doesn't clean,"Okay, so, titles sounds like an obvious yes but!! I'm (17) living with my dad (54) and older brother (22). I'm not currently working, I do homeschooling and both my dad and brother work full time. Now, I don't mind cleaning and helping around the house, I get I have more time than they do. I'm upset though because they aren't respectful of the house. They're complete slobs, they don't pick up after themselves at all.

They leave their trash everywhere, refuse to take the garbage out when it's overflowing, they just throw stuff around it. They don't clean so much that when they try to they have no idea where things are or go. Like they leave things out to just mold and never take initiative to pick it up it's always me.. otherwise, I fully believe it would stay there forever! SORRY IM COMPLAINING but I feel like I'm being ungrateful for getting mad they do this because of how much they work, my dad's getting older and he does spoil me. Do I need to chill out and suck it up? Or is it valid to be upset at them about they're lack of tidiness..?","What exactly do you hope to gain by accepting the role of their free maid?

Stop cleaning up after grown ass men who wont respect the shared space. You are enabling this dumpster fire.

What you need to do is stop doing their labor entirely. Let the garbage sit until they deal with it. NTAH. Stand on business."
WIBTAH for asking to be paid back?,"My (41F) brother (35M) owes me $5k. He has borrowed money in the past, and has always paid it back, albeit sometimes after a disagreement where he goes nuclear and sends the money as a way to go no contact, without being asked to. The most recent time was in 2020. 

We reconnected a few months later when he apologized. He didn’t borrow money again until 2024. He asked for $10k, and said he would pay it back within a year. I said I could swing $5k, and he accepted. 

We are approaching 2 years now, and it’s never seemed like a good time to ask for it back, as he always seems to be in crisis mode. He has mental health issues and has moved around a lot with his wife. Recently they moved back to where we’re from, about 20 minutes away from me, and our mother, who recently inherited some money from our grandfather, gave him $10k to jump start his life here again. 

That was a few weeks ago and since then he seems to be spiralling, mentally. He sent our mother some really unhinged messages and has decided to go no contact with her now. He hasn’t said anything to me yet, but I’m expecting it any day now. 

We have asked him to get help, offered to pay for it, he says therapy won’t work for him, because he is smarter than any therapist… it’s bad, but I don’t know what else to do for him. I’ve tried supporting him, being a sympathetic ear, I’ve tried calling him out and he just gets defensive and calls me an idiot or ignorant. 

It still doesn’t seem like a great time to ask for the money back, I know they don’t have much other than what my mother has given them. They work in a seasonal industry, and won’t have steady income again until the spring at the earliest. 

WIBTAH if I asked for repayment?",Sounds like there won’t be a good time to ask for it back. Next time you speak you will have to mention it as your brother isn’t going to since it’s been 2 years already
AITAH for not wanting my privacy invaded and displayed publicly as a middle schooler?,"so for context, a few years back, i'd say around late 2020-2021, my church held (still does) sunday night youth program where all of this 6th-12th graders could come and hangout and learn a little about the scripture while playing games and having some food. i now do not identify as a christian for many reasons but that's besides the point. i'm not gonna say the name specifically but will substitute it to avoid anyone noticing me or whatever, but they held this weekly segment at the youth program before scripture reading called ""In Your Room with A\*\*\*\* ."" basically what this was, was this one youth leader by the name of A\*\*\*\*, asking your parents for permission, while your in school or away from home if he could go into your house, then, into your own bedroom and go through your drawers, closet, jump on your bed, and snoop around, all while being recorded and shown on the big screen at the youth event for all of the students to see. mind you, everyone who attended these youth nights were people i went to school with and had known for a little less than 2 years.

to get to the point, he had eventually gotten to my room, which i prayed every single sunday that it wouldn't have been mine. he went thru my nightstand, dirtied up my cleaned bedroom, showed everyone my trading card collections, my clothes i wore, and even played on my xbox i had in my room at the time. he also displayed the childhood blanket i still was attached to at the time to the camera and pretty much made fun of me for having it. i don't use it anymore but it was still very humiliating and im sure deep down, none of the students enjoyed having this done to them either.

of course this may be seen as light hearted fun, but as someone with horrible social anxiety and insecurities at the time, it was pure dread and the perfect example of a nightmare to that type of person. i still go to the church 5 or so years later and dont associate with the youth program or any of the other students that attend, just because of personal reasons and religious beliefs.

i flipped out on my mom and argued back and forth for allowing this because she knows what type of person i am. we've been thru duo counseling and my mental health has been more public to my parents as of the past few years so i know she probably wouldn't do something like this to me ever again. but i just feel as if i overreacted or maybe took it the wrong way.

that's all. thanks if you read it 👍",I don't think you're a terrible person for not wanting your private space broadcast to everybody. This sounds like a creepy over-reach by the guy doing it. How old is that guy?
AITAH for getting frustrated that my girlfriend keeps eating the homemade ice creams I make for myself?,"I’ve a sensitive stomach since childhood, so I mostly eat homemade food. I love ice creams, but store-bought ones never suits me. Because of that, my mom used to make homemade ice creams for me.

I’m now 24M, living with my 24F girlfriend, and I regularly make homemade ice creams myself. These are intended for me. My girlfriend has no food restrictions and can eat outside food and store-bought ice creams with no issues. We always keep multiple types of store-bought ice creams only for her, I never touch them.

The mould I use makes 6 ice creams at once, enough to last me exactly a week. I make them exactly the way I need, low sugar, more nuts, very milky, etc. The process takes a lot of time, efforts and planning. You have to boil and actively stir the milk for over an hour!

Earlier, my girlfriend used to take one or two ice creams from the batch, which was totally fine. Over time, that number gradually increased, and now she takes about half of them. It may sound petty, but she has tons of options, while this is my only one. These homemade ice creams are finished within 2–3 days instead of lasting 5–6 days as intended. It has become kinda frustrating in the long run.

Making a larger batch isn’t a viable option, since it would take significantly more time to cook and would also require buying another mould. I’ve casually mentioned this several times, but nothing  changes. Sometimes milk is limited, and I can only make 2–3 ice creams.

Yesterday, after a long day at work, I came home and saw the mould completely empty. I had made 3 ice creams just two days ago and didn’t even get to eat a single one. At that point, I was totally miffed and it showed. She reacted by getting upset.

It also feels lack of thoughtfulness from her to me. She’s fully aware that these homemade ice creams can’t be replaced easily, once they’re gone, you have to wait at least a day and put in over an hour of work to make more. Which I've to do myself.

For context, we both work full-time and split household chores equally. I don’t count the ice-cream making as part of housework; I take full responsibility for it myself. Another solution for me is she starts taking half of the process. 

AITA? I'm still making them as before and she isn't taking any, I'm not showing any guilt and happily eating them while they last for a week now.",I think girlfriend needs to take turns making ice cream.
AITAH for trying to make it work with my brother after our “sibling rivalry”?,"Okay so i dont know how to start this. i make mistakes. i have made mistakes. TERRIBLE mistakes. I don’t know how to recover from this at all. I have eight siblings. I share both a mom and dad with ONE. he hates me. he always has. i have a clue of possibly why, but even before he has been emotionally abusive or mean then. like for instance when we were younger it would be my turn on the game, and he would do stupid stuff like unplug the wifi, call me mean names, and he used to always put his hands on me. I usually let this go beforehand because my family therapist excused it as “sibling rivalry”, or she said because growing up my dad used to hit us here and there and his partners. 

Until, in 2019 (I was stupid emotional and just if I am being honest undiagnosed—I was 13 and stupid). So, I remember my Dad left to go on a date with someone. Me and my brother were left alone in a one bedroom apartment and had been there for his visitation for like a week or two already. We basically were going insane, he slept on the floor, I slept on this like really small leather couch. We already had conflict and every time it was one or the others turn there was always drama. So I don’t know what was different this night. I have no clue if he felt more bold about the fact my Dad was gone or what, but his time was over on our PS4, and I told him. He ignored me. So I called my Dad who didn’t answer…he sent me a text and I explained it was my turn, and my brother wasn’t giving me the controller. Stupid kid stuff. I am then like dude I am not waiting let me hop on Fortnite. This dude, who knew our Mom wasn’t accepting of my sexuality starts calling me all kinds of slurs and saying how much of a disappointment I am and all this stuff then spits on me and kicks me. I chase him. Stupid kid stuff. I cannot remember when he did, but he cooked noodles in the microwave before this. I regret this part so badly, and would do anything to go back. I was hurt, emotional,  and stupid. I threw the noodles at him, and he ended up getting burns. Really bad burns. I WAS TERRIFIED. I started screaming and crying. I called my Dad, no response. Called 911, and then my Mom, and now my Dad wanted to call. I did everything I thought I could. I was scared. I cried all night. When the EMS came I told them everything. I was scared. I couldn’t sleep that entire night. 

So with this, my Mom and Stepdad were extremely disappointed in me. I made my bed, and laid in it. I did everything to try to prove that burning him and traumatizing my baby brother wasn’t my intention. I just wanted him to hurt like how he hurt me. I was upset at the stuff he was saying about me, and all the times he physically hurt me. I went to outpatient services and was hospitalized in a psychiatric unit. I was eventually diagnosed with stuff, and given medication. 

 I apologized to my brother so many times within these past 7 years, and he has understandably not forgiven me. We had another incident in 2021 where my brother outed me as trans to my Mom after I made the mistake of opening up to him. I was already openly a lesbian, and she HATED it. My mom was mad at me. She said even meaner things, and threatened sending me off to conversion therapy. This caused a lot of conflict between me and my mom for my entire time in high school up until graduation. Nothing changed and every time I made my brother mad he would say mean stuff to me, spit on me, or just straight up attack me.

With that, recently in June 2025, I had an episode at home and I broke stuff in our home, and my brother beat the hell out of me (i believe to stop me?) and ended up hitting my Mom a few times while my mom was trying to stop him. He just blatantly said he hated me, he wanted me to be dead, and I was a disgrace to the family. During that encounter my other younger brother called my stepdad and police. My parents didn’t say anything about my brother threatening my life and beating me and my mom, but they told the police about my mental health and my episode, so I was sent to a psychiatric hospital for a week. 

Ever since I have been home. Okay so yeah let me get to the point. Today, my brother was talking to my younger brother about his football recruitment stuff, I walked into the room, and he made a comment about me so I said something under my breath. I thought he hadn’t heard me, but then he took my younger brother into his room, comes out and yells that I cussed out my little brother! MY BABY BROTHER. WHAT THE FCK. I was scared, my parents already think negatively of me because of my recent episode so I ran to explain to my parents. I did, and they took his car keys and said his GF couldn’t come over for two weeks. 

So my brother being my brother during dinner he made comments about me, and the situation. I ignored. Then he brought up the situation continued to lie I said no I didn’t and he got very mad about it. He left the dining room, and came back and pounced on me, said he hated me, I don’t belong in my family’s home, and I needed to be gone, or else. I recorded the incident, and I have no clue what to do. No police were called, but I am scared. 

I am completely lost, and I want to try to solve things with my brother, and become AT LEAST cordial, but I am afraid he will take advantage of my vulnerability and just hurt me again. Every time I say sorry, and try to make amends the second I make him mad he just hurts me. I feel like I am to blame for all of this, and I feel like I ruined my family. I am the only child who takes medication, and has mental health problems. I feel like an ugly duck in the family, and just need honest advice on how to approach this. 

I am working on moving out, and getting a job but since I am 19 with no experience it has been pretty hard. Please help. What do I do? How can I keep myself safe, or get my brother to not hurt me or anything. I am scared to go to bed tonight in all honesty. 

AITAH for trying to fix things? AITAH for ignoring his process with everything we have gone through? AITAH for being scared of him? I don’t know, and I am extremely lost. I will take any advice. Thanks","When you burned him, in his eyes you stopped being his sibling and became his literal enemy. Every time he sees you, he remembers the pain. His home isn't safe to him while you're under the same roof. This is war. Of course he outed you, he wants you away from him. When that didn't work, he resorted to provoking you verbally. When that didn't work, he resorted to lying. He will continue to fight until you're far away from him. You can't fix it. You can only leave.

Also if you're having episodes where you're breaking stuff, you're kinda objectively dangerous. 

NTA for being afraid, but YTA for approaching him. Apologies are just words, they don't always heal a hurt that came from an action. Get a lock for your door if you're afraid to sleep, focus on your mental health and leave him the hell alone."
AITAH for asking my neighbors how long they will have their generac running?,"My neighbors 50s-60s Married couple power is out and they recently installed a generac. Problem is they installed it in the breezeway on their property inbetween my rented house and theirs within 10-20 feet of my bedroom window (and the whole house) and this thing is loud and annoying the hell out of me. Im 32M am thinking about getting a hotel room for the night because its keeping me awake. I also value living in a peaceful area and get actual anxiety over loud engine noises that go on (lawn mowers, generators, etc)

Its 25 degrees here so obviously they need to keep their house warm. Am the asshole for knocking and asking them how long it will be on and letting them know i cant sleep over it?","I would call the town and ask what the law is regarding distances from a home.  Besides the noise you also need to worry about the Carbon Monoxide.  I just saw this article: [How Far Should a Generac Generator Be From Your House? (homepowersystems.net)](https://www.homepowersystems.net/blog/generator-distance-guide/)

You should also find out if a permit is needed and if they actually got one.  Good luck."
AITAH for accidentally being the reason my family broke up?,"I'm 16F. I've always been alone. Hardly any friends. I'm not mean or anything but I'm very outgoing and love to talk a lot. Since I was young, my parents have always fought. I never felt safe to even ask them for a hug. My uncles and aunts were allowed to hit me and yell at me as well. It was over the smallest things, like getting a math problem wrong or moving a mug. My father was absent and my mother used to control everything I do, making me attend 3 classes every single day as an elementary schooler. She also broke a lot of my things and smashed my favorite toys when I was very young if I got a single math question wrong or did something she didn't like. She beat me a lot. When my father was around and I didn't do something he liked, he hit me, dug his nails into me, and put me in time out. My older brother and two younger brothers never got treated that way. 

I admit, I was a rough child. I hardly could sit still. But I wasn't a bad one.

I've never been able to share my feelings with them as they wouldn't understand nor react in an appropriate manner. Fast forward to my summer after 9th grade, a boy who just moved here from India became depressed and blackmailed me. He kept saying if i didn't do what he liked, he'd kill himself. He sent pictures of blood. Somehow his friends got involved. They sent porn, blood, and made very sexual comments - harassing me and threatening me. They also threatened to hurt my bsf (now 17M). I didn't feel safe enough to tell my parents this. I dealt with it alone for 4 months until I told my school counselors half of the story (just enough to get him help).

I'm currently dating my bsf (17M). We've been dating since 2024 fall. My parents found out about him in March. My dad went through my phone and read my messages. He ended up telling my ENTIRE FAMILY (brothers, uncles, aunts, mom, grandparents, e.t.c.) that I had a bf (knowing that my mother was very abusive). My older brother refused to even look me in the face after that. My mom beat the crap out of me, making me bleed. There were fights everyday after that and they made me stop talking to him.

Along with that, my dad also found out about the blackmail kid and told my family about that. My mother came up to me and asked if I liked watching porn and gore and subscribed to those sites. She then came up and tried to make me feel worse and scaared by having a very threatening demeanor.

My dad (a few weeks later) got himself a counselor as our family was completely broken and he didn't know what to do. The fights were very bad. My family beat me a lot and screamed and yelled. I got my devices taken away. They tried to make me move schools (in my sophomore year during march). They kept saying how worthless and shameful I was. My dad let me talk to my bf without my mom or other family members knowing. 

After summer, in august, my parents were making me move schools or get a stay away agreement from my bf. I told my bf to meet me so we could talk and I could tell him about everything. I essentially ran out of the house that they and told them I'd be back later. My mom and my aunt tracked my location and came to where we were. 

She hit my boyfriend and made him bleed. She clawed him and such. I had to put myself in between them. Then she was screaming my bf raped her and such (in a public place). My aunt and her kept telling me what a terrible daughter I was and what a failure and horrible cusses and such about me. They called my uncle who cme and started pushing me around and threatening to punch me. Then they called my whole family (10+ people) and made a whole scene. My bf called the police and then my mom asked me to lie for her to them. I said no. My bfs fam didn't press charges so my mom isn't in jail.

After we got home, they tried to hit me and my fam was crying and causing so much drama. After that, she left and didn't come back for 6 months. Now, all of a sudden, she's trying to come back and control my life all over again. My father too. He has controls all over my phone and room, so much so that i have no privacy. I wonder if he'd find this post as well. 

But, I can't help but feel like this entire situation is my fault. If i was a better kid, I wouldn't have a broken family when I was younger. If i didn't have a bf, I'd at least have something to call a family in the first place.

I do yell back at my parents lately and I do fight with them a lot as well. I don't get hit as often anymore but occasionally it still happens. Yelling happens everyday. They tell me they regret me. I say they're the worst parents ever and I can't wait to leave.

AITAH?",Nothing you describe sounds like a child causing a family to break. It sounds like a child surviving years of harm in an environment that was already deeply unsafe long before you had any power in it.
AITAH for considering rehoming our dog due to escalating resource guarding when we have small kids?,"I’m really struggling with this decision and already feel incredibly guilty and heartbroken even having to consider it.

We have a 7-year-old large-breed dog. In the past, he showed mild resource guarding around the couch and bed, which we were able to address. Recently, however, he has begun showing **food-related resource guarding**, and it feels more intense and concerning than before.

We have small children, including one child with autism. I’ve worked hard to teach dog safety and boundaries, but it has been extremely challenging for my child with ASD to consistently understand and follow them. He often feeds the dog, and I believe the constant food reinforcement may have contributed to the escalation.

For clarity, while my husband is emotionally attached to our dog and we share routine care, **all training, redirection, and behavior management fall to me**.

A few days ago, the behavior escalated. Our dog showed aggression toward me over food, bared his teeth, and then bit me—not severely, but enough to break the skin.

This is a large dog with the physical ability to seriously injure someone. My youngest is only 1 year old, and my child with ASD sometimes crosses boundaries despite constant supervision. While I do everything I can to manage interactions, I can’t realistically be present 100% of the time.

His behavior feels like it’s escalating, and my top priority has to be my children’s safety. I know rehoming would be devastating for my kids, especially my oldest, but I’m scared of what could happen if we ignore the warning signs.

I’m considering rehoming him to an environment where he would receive more consistent structure and training. My husband is strongly opposed and feels we should keep trying to work through it, and I’m trying to gather outside perspectives so we can have a thoughtful, informed discussion.

If we do decide to rehome, my parents have offered to take him temporarily. They are experienced dog owners and fully aware of his behaviors, which would give us time to find the best possible long-term home if needed.

I’d appreciate hearing from people who’ve been in similar situations—both where rehoming was the right choice and where rehabilitation was successful.

**AITA for seriously considering rehoming our dog to protect our children?**

**TL;DR:** Our 7-year-old large-breed dog has escalating food resource guarding and recently bit me, breaking the skin. We have small children, including one with autism. While routine care is shared, training and behavior management fall entirely to me. My husband is opposed to rehoming, and I’m increasingly concerned about safety.

EDIT:

Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment and share their input. I was able to talk through much of the feedback with my husband, and yesterday my parents picked our dog up. They are fully aware of the situation, including what happened before and after the incident, and the interventions I’ve been using up to this point. Both of my parents have extensive experience with large-breed dogs—our family dog growing up was a large breed and was with us for 15 years. The plan moving forward is to have him evaluated by another veterinarian and begin the process of finding a more appropriate home for him. He deserves an environment where he can succeed, and my children deserve to be safe. This was not an easy decision, but it is the one that feels most responsible for everyone involved.","As long as you have a plan and aren’t just dropping the dog off at a shelter, I think rehoming is the best decision for everyone. Having young kids, and especially a kid with ASD, around a stressed resource guarding dog is not an easy situation to handle. Age 7 is also considered a senior dog and, while not impossible, it can be harder to train certain behaviors out of older dogs. He’ll be happier in a more structured environment. NTA."
AITAH for not driving my daughter to school?,"I, 43 F, was sleeping this morning since I had been up all night. My husband (Daughter's stepfather) kicked me out of bed since we had an argument and I slept on the couch and just stayed up all night watching Ink Masters.

My daughter, 17 (two weeks 18) F, has been recently getting up late more and more. I don't know why, but she needs to set her alarms sooner or louder or something, because I'm getting sick of driving a grown ass adult around.

She came to me early in the morning, saying she missed the bus. I brushed it off and went back to sleep. Around now, he came to me again, asking if I was gonna drive her or not, so I lost my cool and told her this is the 3rd time in 2 weeks. I told her she needed to get up and I'm exhausted. I ignored her and she went back upstairs.

I'm sick of her not getting up, me getting fines, and her missing her school and work. She doesn't even respect me or call me mom anymore, she keeps stealing my food and drinks I buy as 'revenge' after I accidentally drank her soda, and I'm tired of this brat not treating me with respect when I'm the one keeping a nearly 18 year old afloat because she can't.

So AITA?

Edit: This post is NOTHING to do with my post history. It concerns this incident. I'm not replying to people who put words in my mouth.","“Keeping an almost 18 year old afloat” SHE’S NOT EVEN A LEGAL ADULT, THAT IS YOUR JOB AS A FUCKING PARENT!

No wonder she dosnt call you mom, the way you’re speaking about her makes it seem like she’s the biggest burden in the world and that is 110% not something that has only started now. 

YTA and you sound like an awful teenager yourself. Grow up. You’d so be the type to kick her out on her 18th birthday and the later say “but I was a great parent!”"
Aitah for waiting,My grandmother (78 yo) is in the hospital with flu and pneumonia. She may not be doing too well. Honestly I haven't been there for her like I should I haven't went to see her in about 2 years. I want to go see her in the hospital but I want to wait till the illnesses are not contagious anymore because I have a 2 month old but my aunt is pressuring me to go. Aitah for waiting a week?,"NTA. your 2 month old's immune system is basically held together with hopes and prayers right now. RSV alone could land them in the hospital.

your aunt can pressure you all she wants but she's not the one who'd be up at 3am with a sick newborn. grandma would probably be pissed if you brought a baby into a flu/pneumonia zone anyway."
WIBTAH if I told my mom that I don't want her at the house anymore?,"So, for some context, my parents are separated but not divorced. I (16f) and my two brothers (21m & 19m) all live in a house with our dad (54m). My mom (50f) moved out 3 years ago, 2 days before Christmas. She comes down biweekly to ""hang out with the kids."" I put this in quotes because she never does anything other than be on her phone all the time.

My mom moved out ever since my dad found out that she was having an emotional affair with one of her coworkers. My parents don't want to get a divorce till I'm 18 and have graduated from high school because they don't want to deal with custody and child support.

When my mom is at the house, she does absolutely nothing to help. She comes home late, like 7 or 8, when she gets off work at 4:30. She never helps make dinner, so it's either my brother or me making dinner. (My dad works nights; he'll occasionally make dinner for us before he goes to work). She never does the dishes but harps on my brothers and me to do them. When we sit and watch a movie, she'll be on her phone, especially if it's something that she wants to watch with us. Ever since I got my license in November of 2025, my mom has lashed out at my dad and my older brother just because I've been driving a lot. She always gets angry at either my brother or my dad. But mostly to my dad.

Recently, she called my dad to initially help with something, then turned into a conversation about us kids. For context, I was talking with my dad before she called, and my dad put his phone on speaker. She said, ""You need to ask your kids if they want me there anymore because I've been getting shut out by my own kids. OP won't hang out with me anymore because she's always doing stuff for school or going to hockey games. She always comes to you and never me. So you need to ask them if I should come down anymore because it sucks.""

My dad is heading out to dinner with my mom to have a discussion about this. Honestly, having to deal with all the stress from everything happening in school, socially, mentally, and everything else, it sucks, and I don't want to deal with my mom anymore. WIBTAH if I told my mom I don't want her at the house anymore?","No - you are not the AH - her move was a passive-aggressive/aggressive one, and she likely really wants to be 'off the hook', and you are not benefiting from the relationship, as it stands, even in a normal way...  she is selfish and unaccountable, it seems, for real..."
AITAH for feeling weird and uncomfortable for how my friend worded something she said that was kinda negative against my interest??,"Alright, so this is going to be kinda short, (I lied it's gunna be kinda long but ima try to only include what I feel is important) but I'm feeling conflicted about what was said and I genuinely don't know if I'm overreacting for feeling weird or not so here it goes:

I, 20F, have been watching BL (Boys Love) asian dramas since i was 17. I found it by complete accident (kinda) but have been apart of the community ever since. It's something that if the topic of dramas come up, I can rant and ramble and talk people ears off about for hours, but otherwise I don't tend to bring it up unless I get asked about it or I'm really excited about a new one, or I'm really excited about one I'm watching. I would like to clarify that even with all these, I really don't go around announcing it, and I keep to myself about them 75% of the time unless I'm with certain friends. I don't go talking about them with strangers, and even with certain friends, I try not to bring it up unless the topics sway that way and then I bring it up. I don't like it when people shove their likes and ideals down my throat so I would never do it to others.

Now, I have a friend, lets call her Y. Y does not like watching for reading anything gay or lesbian related. Now, she's NOT homophobic, as I'm friends with her and I'm apart of that community. But she doesn't like things like that, and sometimes talking about it makes her uncomfortable, so I try to avoid it. But, and this is very important, we like to make jokes about it from time to time, and she's usually fine for the most part.

Now here's what happened: 

Y had posted on her story a picture of the main characters from a new BL that isn't based in any asian country that I have been wanting to watch. The picture had captions over thr characters in a meme type of way, because of what they were doing. I recognized the characters right away, so I responded to her story saying that it was funny for her to post that specific picture. She had said she thought the captions were funny, and I responded saying ""Am I affecting your algorithm?"" She was confused, and then I said that the people in the picture was from a BL. And then I proceeded to kind of explain the characters since they weren't asian and everyone who knows me knows I mainly watch asian content. The conversation goes, and then as a joke I said that Y should watch it because she might like it. 

Y then responds to that message with, ""Is it that gay shit?""

This is where I feel conflicted, because the second she said that I felt really uncomfortable, even though she really didn't say anything that bad, but to me, it felt really weird. I even told her so after explaining what BL stood for, because I wanted to be honest with her and not have any negative feelings build up. We talked and she apologized. saying that she didn't mean to sound homophobic in any way, just that she doesn't like hearing about or watching or ready anything LGBTQIA+. I already knew this so I told her she was fine.

I don't know if its wrong of me to feel weird about the wording. Like, yes I know you don't like it, but you know that I like it and we even joke about it from time to time. Though, I will say the only time we do joke about it is if she brings it up first. This was kinda the first time I started the joke. I just really don't like how it was said.

AITAH????

EDIT: Something that I thought I had made clear but I guess I did not: This entire conversation was over text. I replied to her instagram story, and her statement was a text message. So that's why I'm asking if I'm wrong for feeling weird from the way she worded it, not the way she said it.","NTA.

Halfway through, when you said she’s not homophobic because you’re queer and she’s friends with you, I knew exactly how the rest of the story would go.

Your friend is a homophobe. She has a disgust/revulsion response to queer imagery and queer stories. If your queerness were a more significant part of the way you present yourself to her, she would distance herself from you. She thinks of you as “one of the good ones” or who doesn’t “shove it in her face all the time.” I put that in quotes because these people always say the same shit, practically verbatim.

Ask yourself: If they’re not homophobic, why would a person dislike content or show discomfort when discussing a topic specifically because of the queerness involved?   

Ask yourself: Are you genuinely loved and cared for by someone who’s so uncomfortable with topics relating to a significant part of your life (your sexual orientation and therefore your romantic life) that you *actively avoid sharing that part of yourself with them*?

Remember the answer you already wrote for this question: When she said “gay shit” did her tone sound like she was being silly or ironic like queers and allies often are with each other, or did it make your heart sink to hear her venom come out?

This girl probably thinks she’s not racist because she doesn’t use the N-word."
WIBTAH if I asked my BIL for my money back,"I (18NB/F) and my BIL(19M) went shopping for my sister (20F) for her birthday and christmas. he picked out some clothes for her and wanted to buy a digital download for a game for her switch.

i paid for the download code in cash (i had tips from my job because we went straight from my work to the store) so that my sister wouldn’t see the purchase in their joint account and it would be a surprise. I paid 65 dollars in cash and handed him the bag with the card and the receipt in it, and told him to make sure he gave my sister the receipt so she would have the code. I’ve purchased games this way before, so I knew that the code was only on the receipt.

When he gave her the card on Christmas, the receipt wasn’t with it. She asked him for the receipt and he said he didn’t have it.

I went back to the store and had customer service print a copy of the receipt, but the code wasn’t on it. The card is nonrefundable.

I just got home and I’m freaking out a little bit because I don’t have another 65 dollars to drop on a video game, and I paid about 120 dollars for dinner at the beginning of December because he forgot his wallet at home.

I try not to be the kind of person to be demanding to be paid back, especially because he‘s my family, but I am recently unemployed and I’m getting really anxious about my finances. I’m graduating this June and I barely have 400 dollars in savings from my job, but I’d feel bad if I just asked him to cough up 185 dollars out of nowhere.

WIBTAH if I asked my BIL for some of my money back?",NTA. Let your BIL know your financial situation because he seems lackadaisical about understanding he needs to pay you back.
AITAH in my marriage?,"This might be long. 

I want to get people’s perspective on this. 

I have been married now for almost a year but been together about six years. We have a toddler together. 
I 25f and husband is 25m. We live with his parents. We do help with the groceries and pay rent. we both worked before having a kid. 
We agree on me being a sahm because we couldn’t trust daycares or anyone in general watching our child. Now his job does have a daycare at the facility and he would have access to his kid at any time (obvi) 
Okay so here is where I want to know if I’m an a-hole. My husband works first shift. So he gets home from work before dinner. I do give him time to change and relax. I feel like I’m constantly asking for my boundaries to be respected and they keep getting ignored or just beg for basic needs in a relationship and father role. 

When I’m overwhelmed or overstimulated, I tell my husband I don’t want to be touched. He will keep touching me anyway (grabbing my butt or tits or poking. Etc). I tell him to stop multiple times and he doesn’t. He’s also said things like I’m “his property,” which makes me upset. He also told me to grow up. 
A few days ago I asked him to change our son’s diaper. Before doing it, he threw a ball at my head. He didn’t apologize afterward.

On top of that, he often refuses (or just pure lazy) to help with basic things like taking out the trash or helping around the house, which leaves me doing most of the work while also taking care of our child. He also picks and chooses to be a dad. Sometimes I have to say “can you please play with him” or even he “watches” his kid. He has to have his YT playing on his phone (half of the time he even watching his kid just looking at his phone)

When I get upset about any of this, he tells me I’m overreacting or being dramatic or being a b. I’m starting to feel disrespected and emotionally worn down. It’s been like this for years now but only started to bug me a lot more since I’ve became a mom. I feel like he is just a high schooler all over again. He spends time in the bedroom on his desk playing games or yt or on discord with his buddies. The small stuff is making me mad. He leaves food over night on his desk. Beer bottles or soda cans. The beer or soda be half empty as well. Beer tops on the desk when our kid can reach. He miss the trash can sometimes so there will be tobacco or nicotine pouches on the floor. His dirty clothes stuck in between the wall and bed or just on the floor. On top of it call he says I treat like sh*t because I ask him constantly or tell him to help or anything. 

Some days he helps with chores and can be really involved with his kid. 

Note: yeah I live with in laws. They work too. 80% of the time I’m home alone with the kid caring for the whole house. Grandparents help as much as they can to watch the tot while do something quick but they want to relax when they come home. (Understandable) 

Edit: we don’t use his daycare because he didn’t put our did on the list when the bag was first born or when the baby got older. I wouldn’t mind the baby being at his job since he would be able to check on him at every time. Any other daycare is a no because we don’t trust stranger and because of the news. I don’t want want some rando beating or touching my kid. We live with his parents because of the market in our area. Tho he does make good money by himself where we could live comfortable enough on our own. He has been taking advantage of being able to live with his family to send money on many different things. My family isn’t stable that is why I moved in the first place. We only have one car and I only have a permit. Many promises were made for me to get my license and learn to drive but it always falls apart after a couple days of teaching me. ","He's been like this for years, but you chose to have a child with him anyways?
You need to get a job so you can start earning money, so you're not completely financially dependent on him. And then you tell him to knock off his crappy behavior or you're leaving."
AITAH for posting about my sister on my private story,"so backstory I 15f had been having like issues with my older sister 16f for like the past week. She has stole my money nad lied about it, had caught an attitude with me when I asked her to clean up after dying her hair black. Which i only asked her bcs my dad had threatened to stop me from playing basketball if all my stuff including the bathroom wasn't clean.the last thing was when she didn't do the dishes(we have dish days) and basically my dad asked who had em and I said her bcs ik she ain't do em the day b4 (if you don't do them you have them the next day) 

So me, my dad and his wife had like agreed that they weren't done bcs when they woke up in the morning they seen that they weren't done. I knew that she aint do them bcs I had stayed up till like 2am cleaning out my room, and nb went in the kitchen to wash the dishes. after she gets told she has dishes she's like no I don't. so my dad chooses to just be like ""okay S just do the dishes bcs they need to be done"" 

I did em n I was very irritated bcs she was just in her room laughing and I like posted talking about how she's older than me, has a job but steals from me, and be having people come up to me to tell her do do her school work and stuff like. 

A day passes and like she's not in the page she can't see the story so like im calling but smb in my page sends the story to her and then she tells my data about it. We basically have a family meeting so we can talk about it and my dad was speaking for her the whole time talking about it hurt her feelings and everything. I was like okay ig I shouldn't have posted. I made like an apology post and posted it on my story and I apologized to her. But like was I the AH??
","Seems like you just posted the truth -- why should you apologize for just telling it like it is?  If her feelings are hurt, maybe it's because she looks bad (the truth) and she knows she's in the wrong.  And I wouldn't have done the dishes, either, because it was NOT your responsibility.  Sorry your parents don't have your back on this one.  I'm not sure I could resist asking, ""So, what do I have to do around here to become the favorite child?  Steal from (sister)?  Mess up the bathroom and leave the mess for her to clean up?  Why do I need to do her chores, too, just because YOU can't figure out how to make her do them? I'll do them on my days -- but she needs to step up."""
AITAH for lashing out at my parents for commenting on my weight?,"I (teen, F) have always been getting comments once in a while regarding my weight, body, etc. from my parents. To me, my body seems fine - my stomach is flat, weight is normal, etc., but my parents always obsess over my cousin, who's underweight and gets praised for being so thin. I haven't ever felt any insecurity in comparing my cousin's weight with mine, and I have a great relationship with her, but whenever we go to visit my parents will always make comments like ""she's so thin"", ""she's thinner than you"", etc. which gets on my nerves. One day, when I came out of my room, my dad started telling me immediately how I should start eating less as I'm gaining weight (I personally don't think I'm gaining weight as my body looks the same and I don't feel any heavier) and my mom, whilst in the middle of a lecture, told me I'm not even close to being thin/skinny. This hurt me more than anything, the way she put it as though that makes me less than, and I lashed out, telling her she shouldn't be saying that about me as she's nowhere near the thin/skinny category either. I told her I don't like when she makes comments about my body/weight, and she proceeded to tell me I was oversensitive and was labelling ""constructive criticism"" as body shaming. I'm still extremely upset at what went down, but can't help but wondering if I'm the one overacting/overstepping when I said that to my mom, along with yelling at her in anger.

AITAH?

Edit: As of now, they're both pissed at me and refuse to speak to me and are making comments about how I'm an ungrateful brat of a child, not willing to accept feedback, and the like.","EVERY time they mention your cousin's ""thinness"" make a concerned, sympathetic comment about how sorry you are about her eating disorder and how you hope she gets some professional health before her body is permanently damaged.  You need to do it every time for it to work."
AITAH for using my sister's charger?,"My phone is currently being really strange with chargers and only accepting certain ones. 

I went round the house asking people to see if could test if their charger works with my phone. The only one that works to my knowledge is my sister's charger. She got this charger from a Meta Quest VR headset for christmas (not the last one, year before) and uses it for her phone as well.

I asked her if I could use it while I figure out what to do with my phone and she was perfectly fine with it, and I gave her my charger which works on her stuff, and is even faster than hers. 

Then a day later my mum barges into my room demanding the charger back, I explain that my sister was perfectly okay with this arrangement and she even came up to defend me.

Mums argument is that since my sister didnt pay for the charger/headset and was a gift from them it isnt her decision to give it away. 

So reddit, AITAH?












",Your mom is creating drama over what seems to be a non-issue. NTA.
AITAH for blocking my best friend,Ok so me and him have been off and on friends for around 4 years now and it’s been fine but we haven’t hung out in a while and it’s not because he’s busy with work or anything he actually has a lot of time on his hands but doesn’t make any effort to hang out with me. He hung out with someone else but kept telling me he was “too drained” to hang out. We had plans to hang out and nobody ever said anything about it so I just let it go and then again yesterday he was supposed to hang out with me at a birthday party and he stayed up til 10am and didn’t set an alarm and said he “forgot” but I asked if he was still going several times. I feel like he’s inconsiderate and just doesn’t treat me fairly. I feel it’s a one sided friendship and he just ignored me all day when I said him not even apologizing or mentioning he slept through it. Oh also we’ve talked about this not too long ago and he said nothing was wrong and he just gaslit me and tried saying I was the one who was distant or being weird. ,HE’s not your friend.  Period.  Move on.
AITAH for asking if she's on birth control?,"Today me and my girl were having unprotected sex for the first time when I asked her where she wanted me to finish she asked me where I wanted to I said inside her. She said I could but I asked her if she was on birth control. She got really upset and things immediately ended with her exclaiming "" why do men always have to bring up babies during sex and ruin things"" and now won't talk to me. Did I do something wrong here? I feel like I wasn't out of line by asking that question. ","You did so something wrong.  You need to have that conversation before sex, not during. 


Also never have sex with her again, she's obviously not on birth control and is trying to get pregnant."
AITAH For not wanting to spend time with my mom’s bf?,"My mom started dating her bf after 3-4 years in a narcissistic relationship. I’d figure she would find someone new if she wanted to get with someone, but she started dating the boyfriend she had prior to the narcissist. This man was the best man at my mom and dad’s wedding, best friends with my dad and my mom ended up cheating on my dad with him. In 2016 they had a divorce which was one of the most hurtful things in my life. In 2018, my mom comes to my Holloween party crying saying that she saw him with another girl, not just handholding on the street but she went to his house to give him pastina when he was “sick” and you can guess what she saw. Fastforward to these past few weeks, she told me she’s dating him, I already state my opinion that he’s probably going to cheat on her again (he was literally just cheating on another woman to get with my mother and was still with her when they started dating) my dad has told me he can never have one woman. She’s defended him making excuses that my grandfather cheated on my grandmother and she forgave him. Now she wants me to start hanging out with him, I gave her boundaries that if she wanted me to spend time with him it might take up to a few years. I thought these boundaries wouldn’t harm her in anyway but apparently hes wanted to invite me to dinner. He basically wants to replace my dad in anyway, teach me football because he’s a coach, take me on his boat because he’s a millionaire, and give me a job, but I already have a job with my uncle. My dad doesn’t have a boat, he can’t teach me football because he never played, and can’t give me a job because he doesn’t work (he’s physically disabled) but he’s my DAD, I could care less what he can give to me he isn’t an ATM. Anyways me and my mom got into a big argument because I don’t want to go near that guy, he’s a homewrecker, cheater and from the conversations I’ve heard from him when my mom has him on the car radio (they literally talk every 30 minutes I can’t take it) he has a small God complex. So I told her it might take me time (she already knew that) but still got angry because she thought it would take a few weeks, she’s been ok with me saying “a few years to just get used to it, might be even sooner” but now it’s a big deal. My dad also wants me to take him for all of his moneys worth and spend time with him and get his football knowledge but I don’t agree with my dad, I’m not ready. AITAH?","Imagine being mad that ur kid has boundaries. NTA. You’re being respectful, u just don't want to hang out. she needs to relax."
AITAH for lying to my ex-boyfriend and telling him I have liver failure so he would leave me alone?,"I know lying about something like this is wrong and insensitive, but please hear me out.
I (16 FTM) was in a long-distance situationship with my ex (19 M). He found me through Instagram and was very intense and affectionate from the start, which I later realized was love bombing.
A few months in, I visited him for a week.
During that visit, he crossed some serious boundaries one being him trying to have sexual intercourse with me while I was asleep, which made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe to say the least. After that, I started noticing red flags I had previously ignored, and I also found out he had been cheating on me.
When I returned home, he ended things but wanted to stay friends. I agreed at first because I was emotionally dependent and didn't want to lose him completely. Not long after, he started seeing the person he had previously told me not to worry about and continued contacting me telling me sexual stuff him and his new partner did, even after l asked for space. I eventually blocked him.
He then began messaging me on other platforms asking why I blocked him. Based on past experiences with him, I didn't think asking him to leave me alone would work, and I was just completely exhausted and done with that situation.
I lied and told him I had liver failure and was going to die, and that I needed to focus on myself, hoping it would make him stop contacting me. 
I know lying like that wasn't the right thing to do, and I'm not proud of it, but at the time it felt like the only way to get him out of my life.
So, AITAH?","Kinda
you should have not have lied to him but if u are feeling unsafe the you should probably report him to the police coz I'm pretty sure he tried to SA u in ur sleep 
(also what does FTM mean)"
AITAH for asking my boyfriend to drop me off and being told I treated him like a valet?,"
My boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) have been together for 9 years.

Yesterday we went out to dinner. It was winter, the area was busy, and the sidewalks were icy. I was wearing heels. As we were pulling up, he couldn’t find parking close by.

Before he drove off to keep looking, I asked if he could drop me off at the entrance and then park, and I’d meet him inside. He said no and responded, “I’m not a valet. I’m going to find parking and you can walk with me.”

I said it wasn’t a big deal and mentioned that it was icy and I didn’t really want to walk in heels. He replied, “Why do you have to make everything such a big deal?” and said I should just be grateful we were going out to dinner. He also said that I should’ve worn boots instead.

I didn’t push it further and ended up walking with him. The night continued normally after that.

I didn’t think asking to be dropped off was unreasonable, but he clearly felt like I was being entitled or making a bigger deal out of it than necessary.

So now I’m wondering if I was in the wrong for asking in the first place.
","I always offer to drop my wife off if we have to park far away...  ice, rain, snow, sun, it doesn't matter."
AITAH for having very specific standards?,"I’m 21 years old and for the last year I’ve been living in Athens, Greece, because of my studies.
I was diagnosed with Asperger’s when I was young, so my life experience is very different from most people my age. I see the world differently and I have different needs and expectations, especially in dating. I’d really appreciate mainly European perspectives because dating culture in the US feels completely different.
Recently I had a short one-month relationship. She was very beautiful, one year younger than me, approached me herself, and broke up with me because she “didn’t feel anything more.” We talked a little afterward through phone calls and voice messages, and I tried to understand why she pulled away so suddenly. I’m sure there were reasons behind it. Nobody just wakes up one morning and realizes you’re not their type. But I came to the conclusion that when someone doesn’t want you, pushing for explanations won’t fix anything. Whatever her reasons were, they’re in the past.

After that breakup, I started thinking about my future. I talked with a close friend and told him that from now on I want to focus on self-improvement. I want to finish my degree, improve my appearance, get better at repairing laptops and phones since that’s what I want to do professionally, earn some extra money from playing guitar, keep gaming and doing my hobbies but in moderation, maybe one or two hours a day. I want a full glow-up over the next few years.
And because I’m working to become the best version of myself, I want a partner who matches me in the same way. I want someone I am genuinely attracted to physically, and whose lifestyle fits mine. I prefer someone younger than me, born in 2005 or 2006. I’m from 2004 and honestly feel uncomfortable being with someone older, even by a day.
I also want someone from the same social class. I could never date a rich girl. I would feel out of place and like we’re living in different worlds. Middle class like me is ideal. I’m also not interested in girls studying to become soldiers, police officers, ship captains, or influencers. Those lifestyles and values feel completely different from mine, and social media-focused people especially feel like a huge mismatch.
And yes, physical attraction is important. I want someone who attracts me as much as my ex did. That’s realistic for me. Without that attraction, even if she has a great personality, it becomes friendship instead of a relationship.

When I said all this to my friend, he basically roasted me. He told me my standards are outdated, that I need therapy, and that I’ll end up alone. I told him his brain is fried from too much porn, while I actually control my desire and know exactly what I want. I’m talking about the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. It’s normal to have high standards.
So I want to hear opinions. Are my expectations wrong? Are high standards a problem? Or are low standards the reason so many people today cheat and jump from relationship to relationship without commitment?

My friends tell me to go out and get experiences, but I’m old-school. I want the one. If my self-improvement pays off, then I believe I’ll be the one who ends up winning long-term. While others reach 35 or 40 still searching, I hope to already be in a happy long-term relationship with someone who truly fits me.
What do you think?","It’s fine to have standards, everyone has what they prefer. But the stuff you talk about, and the way you talk about, gives me the impression that you have issues, and I’m not referring to Asperger’s, which by the way is a term I haven’t heard in a while."
AITA for cutting off my sister financially after finding out her unemployed boyfriend is benefiting from my money?,"Throwaway account.
My sister (23F) works as a cashier and earns barely above the minimum wage in our state, so I(30M) have been supporting her financially. I pay half her rent and her utilities and regularly send extra money for things like groceries or hair appointments or whatever she needs money for. I never really minded because I earn about four times what she does. About five months ago, she started asking for money much more often. She always had a reason and I sent her money without question because I want her to feel I will always help her out. Then last week, I ran into her at a club with a guy(Jake, 27M) she introduced as her boyfriend. When I asked how long they had been together, she said a few months which surprised me since I knew nothing about it. She got evasive and annoyed when I asked her more questions. That made me uneasy. 

I just wanted to make sure my sister was with someone decent, you know?
So I called one of her friends the next day and asked about Jake. The friend didn’t have a high opinion of Jake. She told me Jake has been basically unemployed for over two years because he can’t keep a job. He moved in with my sister four months ago after they had only been dating for a month. He stays home while my sister goes to work and isn’t really doing much to get a job. I knew nothing about this. I have been paying rent for an apartment he lives in without contributing anything. I also realized that my sister’s increased requests for money lined up with when he moved in with her which means most of it has probably been going to him.

I confronted my sister about it. She said she didn’t twll me about the relationship because it was still developing. I told her I would stop covering half the rent going forward since she now has a roommate who should pay the other half. I will still pay the utilities, but I am cutting back on any extra cash. She got upset and asked how she was supposed to manage on her income. I pointed out that she now has a partner. Surely he can subsidize. She told me he does not have a job. I responded that maybe it was time he got serious about finding one. I made it clear I didn’t trust the guy. Someone being comfortable depwnding on her so early in a relationship felt like he was taking advantage. She accused me of being judgmental saying he is just going through a rough patch and needs her support until he can get back up. She also accused me of trying to control her life because I help her out financially and I have no right to meddle in her personal life. We have not spoken in days and now I feel conflicted.

I genuinely believe he is using her and she’s using my support to enable it. I am not trying to control her life, but don’t like her being taken advantage of.

AITA?


Edit: Apparently people are shocked that I give her so much support. My sister and I got closer following the death of our parents a few years ago and I've taken care of her since. I've never minded until now. But perhaps it's time she learns to find her own footing?",I wouldn’t be paying the utilities either.