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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926940 | [S1] Thank you. Is there any final departing wisdom you want to share- [S2] Oh. [S1] ... to the person listening? [S2] Um, I think the last thing, if we're talking about kind of confidence and facing all these things, | 11.56 | 3.339985 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926940.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926941 | [S1] ... this, you can pick yourself up and you can keep on going. [S2] Lisa, thank you, thank you, thank you. Um, the frame of reference concept is an enormous gift. [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] And I know that I'm going to be using it all the time to improve how I show up in my life and to give people more space at, to be thems... | 29.2 | 3.230385 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p158_m4-dialogue_0926941.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441792 | [S1] and I'm gonna teach her how to use research to take control and to get on that plane and, dare I say, enjoy the flight, this will work for any situation that you get nervous about too. Okay, Cameron. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Let's talk about what's going on. [S2] Hi. [S1] Hi, Cameron. [S2] How's it going? [LAUGHS] [S1] ... | 25.96 | 3.365982 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441792.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441793 | [S1] I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good. I'm excited to conquer this fear. I'm curious to hear what you have to share. [S2] Okay, so tell me what's going on. [S1] So I have a pretty exciting trip planned for the holidays. I'm going to Portugal. [S2] And who are you going with? [S1] And I'm going with my mom and my twin... | 29.2 | 3.422289 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441793.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441794 | [S1] [laughs] Is the plane gonna make it to Portugal? [S2] Gotcha. How many days from now is this flight? [S1] Um, a couple weeks right before Christmas. [S2] And since this is a couple weeks away- [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] ... are you feeling nervous yet? [S1] Yes. Yes, definitely. [S2] Describe what that means for you. | 29.2 | 3.380172 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441794.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441795 | [S1] And I used to have the exact same feelings, the pit in my stomach. I would constantly entertain the thought, "Well, maybe I just won't go." [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I used to, when I was flying home to Western Michigan to see my parents for Christmas, I would send the presents ahead because I wanted to make sure that if ... | 27.92 | 3.272183 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441795.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441796 | [S1] And so I think that's normal. Second, I think most people are somewhat nervous about flying. I mean, we are climbing onto a metal tube and we're rocketing 30,000 feet in the air. [S2] Yeah. [S1] With a bunch of people we don't know. And then it starts to bounce around as we are hitting turbulence. And I think most... | 28.4 | 3.448033 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441796.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441797 | [S1] You're buckled up. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] You're taking off. You're sitting next to your mother and your brother, and the nerves hits. What are the little strategies that you use to try to make yourself literally be okay? Like, can you put us at the scene of a moment when you were on a plane and turbulence hit, and, li... | 25.28 | 3.483257 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441797.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441798 | [S1] Yeah. [S2] No. [S1] And let me tell you why. Because you can be two things at once. You can be terrified and you can find the courage to face it. You can be nervous about getting on a plane and you can also get on that plane and coach yourself through the feelings of nerves. And when you invalidate yourself for ve... | 25.68 | 3.389886 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441798.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441799 | [S1] Yeah. [S2] And so, there's also something bigger, and I wanna, I wanna just t- connect the dots because I think it'll be meaningful for everybody listening. Your father recently died suddenly. [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] Did your fear of flying and this fear of losing control get worse after he died? | 23.72 | 3.414308 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441799.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441800 | [S1] And then to be able to be in Portugal and enjoy the time there and not be consumed with thoughts about the fact that you're going to have to fly back to Boston. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Saying, "I knew that you did that 'cause that's what I used to do." [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] What would that be like for you? | 18 | 3.172064 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441800.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441801 | [S1] ... anxiety about something I can't control, which is my flight home. [S2] Yep. So, here's what I'm gonna tell you. You can control it. You can't control what the plane does, but you can control what it's like to be in your body and your head while you're on that plane. And you can control- [S1] How? [S2] How? I'm... | 19.24 | 3.385073 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441801.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441802 | [S1] I'm a teacher, Hal. 'Cause I used to be- [S2] Okay. [S1] Here, here was Mel Robbins' old strategy. You're ready for nervous flyer Mel, like, you know, circa 1990s, 90- early 2000s. So first of all, | 14.52 | 3.281211 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441802.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441803 | [S1] And boy, if we have a priest, a nun, a monk, anybody that is, you know, of religious nature, boom, I'm feeling better. The nervousness has gone down a little bit because I can say to myself, if these folks are getting on my plane, God is not gonna let this plane go down. Then, that gets me on the plane. I get on t... | 25.68 | 3.385024 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441803.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441804 | [S1] Not only when you're about to fly and you're nervous, but for any single situation where you're nervous to do something. Okay? Are you ready? [S2] Yep. [S1] Awesome. It's super cool. And for you listening, I want you to just hold that situation that you're nervous about. | 16.36 | 3.440442 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441804.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441805 | [S1] ... thing that I'm most excited for is to see my sister. I haven't seen her in a couple months. She's been in London. So, I don't know. I, when it, when I think about Portugal, there's a lot of things I'm excited for, but probably the biggest thing is just to spend time with her and- [S2] I love it. [S1] ... | 21.52 | 3.306798 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441805.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441806 | [S1] that's going to be like the best part, 'cause I know she, even if she won't admit it, she does miss us a lot, so. [S2] Awesome. And who is she gonna hug first? [S1] 100%, my mom. [S2] Okay, awesome. And how- [S1] I'll probably be last. [S2] Okay. And as you stand there and watch her in her black sweater with Liz-b... | 23.76 | 3.164879 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441806.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441807 | [S1] ... the millisecond that you feel any nerves or any fear or any negative thought come up related to this thought, you're gonna close your eyes. You can use my five second rule to interrupt the worries. Just count backwards with me. Five, four, three- [S2] Four. [S1] ... two. [S2] Three. [S1] ... two. [S2] [LAUGHS]... | 27.44 | 3.374498 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441807.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441808 | [S1] Wow. [S2] What do you think? [S1] I mean, it makes sense because I think in the moments of panic, the last thing I'm doing is thinking about anything that brings me happiness. It's always the darkest feelings, the heaviest emotions. | 18.2 | 3.343333 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441808.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441809 | [S1] ... versus, you know, even just closing my eyes just now, I feel so different. Like sitting here, I feel like even thinking about that moment makes me happy. And I'm excited to use it 'cause I know I'm gonna be anxious all next week, week after. [S2] So you wanna know why this works? [S1] I do. [S2] Okay. [S1] See... | 29.4 | 3.441339 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441809.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441810 | [S1] In my day-to-day life. That makes me excited. [S2] Oh, well, how about this? Who's your favorite musician? [S1] Uh, I really like the Lumineers. [S2] Okay, great. Guess what? [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] The Lumineers are playing a private concert at the new private venue at the Fenway Park. You, my friend, not only have fro... | 24.64 | 3.215396 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441810.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441811 | [S1] ... jittery a little bit. Um, like kind of the same feeling I would have if I, you know, was playing a big soccer game or running an important race. [S2] Uh-huh. [S1] When I was younger, like, the clammy hands, the pit in your stomach. [S2] Yep. [S1] The, like- [S2] Dude, we're walking into this venue. You're walk... | 29.36 | 3.260753 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441811.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441812 | [S1] So it kind of sounds like a situation like that where you're about to meet your favorite band, which I would say, is that a positive or a negative experience? [S2] Yeah, that'd be amazing. I mean, a positive one, obviously. [S1] Well, it sounds very similar to the way that you experience the thought of flying to P... | 26.52 | 3.311597 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441812.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441813 | [S1] It's as exciting as meeting the luminaires. And when your brain starts to say the butterflies are positive, you won't escalate into a panic attack. You will have taken control. How cool is that? [S2] That's pretty cool. [S1] So do you have any questions about the confidence anchor and how you're going to use it? | 19.76 | 3.45015 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441813.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441814 | [S1] When the cortisol floods your brain, you forget about seeing your sister. You forget about all the exciting things. You forget about all the research that you did that shows that traveling by commercial airplane is the safest way to travel. Period. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] That's why this matters. And it's more than just... | 29.16 | 3.467114 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441814.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441815 | [S1] Because once your thoughts start to race and you're like, "Oh my God, I'm gonna screw up this test," or, "Oh my God, I'm gonna screw up this interview," or, "Oh, no, the plane," you've already lost control. You have to come up with this exciting anchor and this confidence anchor before you start to get nervous. Go... | 22.24 | 3.457538 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441815.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441816 | [S1] It just makes so much sense. You know, I always have taken the approach of calm down, Cam. Like, you know, kind of making myself to be the bad guy. Um, and not really reframing it in any way. Just letting myself kind of soak in all this stress and anxiety. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Uh, and just kind of reprimand myself, ... | 27.4 | 3.282312 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441816.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441817 | [S1] It's really believable. Because when you are there hugging your sister, it means the plane made it, and there's nothing to be worried about. [S2] Yeah. [S1] That's why this works. When you imagine before a test, yourself walking out of there going, "Yes!" It actually makes you excited to take it. When you imagine ... | 24.28 | 3.247357 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441817.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441818 | [S1] Yeah, that's amazing. I think that was always like in the back of my head during our conversation was if I'm still, I feel fear in a lot of different areas of my life. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Not when I'm just in the air. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So when I'm on the ground, how can I use this tool to ground myself, even if I'm ... | 25.64 | 3.152575 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441818.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441819 | [S1] I love this. Okay. Great question. I want you to take out a notebook and you're gonna write down any- [S2] Okay. [S1] ... single thing that makes you nervous. Could be anything. I mean, what, give me a couple. [S2] [LAUGHS] God. There's a long list, probably, but, uh, off the top of my head, like, something that, | 24.12 | 3.162266 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441819.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441820 | [S1] This is an excellent example, and by the way, incredibly common and very relatable. [S2] Yeah. [S1] So I'm really glad you shared it. So you're gonna do the exact same thing. We're gonna create a confidence anchor. Because what I hear is I hear you want to do it. I hear it pulling you. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And the ne... | 23.48 | 3.227052 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441820.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441821 | [S1] The, name something you're excited about. So like, can you pick like a coffee shop in your neighborhood that you love to go to and it's gonna be your treat to get a nice latte when you're done. [S2] Yeah. Do you want me to name it? [S1] Yeah, I do. [S2] It's called Thinking Cup. [S1] I love Thinking Cup. Now, you'... | 25.24 | 3.291573 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441821.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441822 | [S1] Love it. Love it. How do you feel? [S2] Yeah. [S1] As you're walking out of the thinking cup, having just completed that class and treating yourself to that, how do you feel right now? [S2] Like proud of myself for doing it. [S1] Awesome. There's your confidence anchor. | 17.12 | 3.283648 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441822.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441823 | [S1] ... a little bit. [S2] Yes. Um, so- [S1] Yes. Yes. [S2] Yeah. [S1] You know what I am? I'm fucking excited for you. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Because I not only see you opening new doors in your life, I see you kicking them down and marching through them. [S2] Yeah, I'll send you a video on the plane. [S1] Oh, I can't wa... | 27.2 | 3.468959 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441823.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441824 | [S1] All right, we will, we will. We're rooting for you, Cameron. I'm really excited for you, and thank you for being willing to come on and have this conversation because I know it's going to impact the lives of just millions of people. I know it. [S2] Of course. [S1] And you're going to have an amazing | 14.92 | 3.420379 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p15_m4-dialogue_0441824.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617447 | [S1] I don't even know if I can get through the opening of this. I literally am so excited for today because... [S2] Over and over and over again, living a good life is about the things that are right in front of you that you're not seeing. [S1] Yeah. | 24.2 | 3.364058 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617447.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617448 | [S1] Hey, it's Mel, and I'm so glad you tuned in today. [S2] [SIGHS] [S1] Holy cow, I, I already feel myself getting emotional. [S2] [SIGHS] [S1] I don't know why I'm so moved by what we're about to talk about, 'cause we haven't even had the conversation yet. Um, we're answering the question, what makes a good life? | 24.28 | 3.326293 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617448.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617450 | [S1] You're welcome. You're, I mean, I mean, I didn't do it, like, I literally- [S2] I know. [S1] ... am just so moved by what you're doing, and I really mean it. [S2] Thank you. [S1] Huh. Um, I guess I spent so much of my life causing myself a lot of unnecessary heartache. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And it's because I didn't kno... | 19.72 | 3.110123 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617450.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617451 | [S1] poorest and most disadvantaged families, a very underprivileged group. And then eventually we expanded to spouses, we expanded to children. But initially it was a study of thriving. Uh, the question was, what helps people make that transition from adolescence into young adulthood on good developmental paths? [S2] ... | 27.2 | 3.354713 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617451.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617452 | [S1] No. And most studies do end that way. Or most studies that try to follow people over time stop before 10 years are up because too many people drop out. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So this study followed people year after year with questionnaires, "How's your life going?" Interviews every 10 years where we went to their home... | 29.08 | 3.496528 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617452.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617453 | [S1] shape our physiology so that good relationships make it less likely that we'll get coronary artery disease. They make it less likely that we'll get type two diabetes. How is that even possible? So in the last 10 years, that's what we've been studying in our laboratory. [S2] How is it possible? [S1] Well, it turns ... | 26.04 | 3.439829 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617453.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617454 | [S1] ... that relationships are stress regulators. So if you think about it, we're stressed at different times all day long, right? Like I might leave here and an hour from now, something really stressful might happen and I, I can literally feel my body rev up, my heart rate revs up, my breathing gets faster, all that,... | 26.32 | 3.284887 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617454.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617455 | [S1] Yeah. So we had studied everybody out to age 80- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... and we thought, okay, we have all this information about them year after year after year. Let's look back at them in middle age. So we picked 50. [S2] Okay. [S1] Let's look back at everything we know about them and say, | 20.56 | 3.484201 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617455.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617456 | [S1] Can I just stop you right there? Because I think I just got something. I just probably five years ago was struggling profoundly with loneliness. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I was extraordinarily busy, but I felt very disconnected from my husband, Chris. | 18 | 3.432491 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617456.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617457 | [S1] I felt like I never saw my friends. I didn't feel connected to the community that I lived in. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And even though I was surrounded by people all the time, and, and planes at work, even standing in the kitchen with my husband Chris, I felt this deep sense of disconnection. But I read it as something is ... | 25.72 | 3.501509 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617457.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617459 | [S1] Yes, yes. Because often, when we vomit the problem, which I do too, at times, um, when we vomit the problem, the other person is like, "Well, well, what do I do about that?" [S2] Right. [S1] But what if we come with a suggestion of something that would help me feel more connected? And it can be small. It can be, | 20.16 | 3.263225 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617459.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617460 | [S1] You know, taking a walk. It can be, could we plan a night, just the two of us, to go out to dinner this week. Something very specific that's not hard to say yes to. [S2] Mm. [S1] To try that first. Now, what if you're lonely and what you realize is that I get scared when I'm with other people. Like I'm afraid of b... | 25.28 | 3.435596 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617460.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617461 | [S1] You did a mini Harvard study. [S2] Yeah. [S1] On your own life. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And I would love to have you walk us through how you do that for yourself. [S2] Okay. What we call the mini Harvard study was noticing how my view of my life changes as I get older, as I go through different phases of life. Okay? [S1] ... | 29.4 | 3.419679 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617461.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617462 | [S1] So I, uh, got a photo of myself. I am 27 years old in this photo. [S2] Oh. [S1] This was the day, if you're watching on YouTube, you can see it. If you're listening, it's a photo of Chris and I hours, literally, after we had just gotten engaged. [S2] Oh. [S1] And this is kinda halfway through life. And so what are... | 23.32 | 3.137623 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617462.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617463 | [S1] I guess what was important to me then was just him and making money. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Like that was the focus. Like how am I paying my rent? 'Cause I was a public defender working for legal aid in New York City. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And it was very hard to pay my bills in New York City on $19,000 a year. [S2] Oh. [S1] A... | 24.12 | 3.350528 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617463.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617464 | [S1] Oh, boy. Um, so much. I mean, if I had to boil it down, it would be relationships. It would be my relationship with Chris, the people I work with, our children, our friends. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Family. [S2] And do you feel like you have your whole life ahead of you? [S1] I do. I really do. Like, I think one of the thi... | 22.76 | 3.458367 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617464.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617465 | [S1] When I was 26 years old, everything felt like life or death. And that might've been because I had no idea how much childhood trauma had impacted me. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I was still profoundly struggling with anxiety, so I lived in a very fight or flight- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... space, and I had not discovered the life-c... | 29.84 | 3.411041 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617465.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617466 | [S1] And, you know, I w- the way that I would put it is I was really obsessed with the curtains on the window. What things looked like. [S2] Yes. [S1] How expensive they were. [S2] Yes. [S1] Like how does it look compared to everybody else's. [S2] Yes. [S1] And I had no idea how to enjoy the view. | 15.32 | 3.333606 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617466.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617467 | [S1] Yeah. Because I was so obsessed with the stuff on the surface, right? Like the outside stuff, the, the, you know, I'm using the curtains as a metaphor, but the car that you drive, the amount of money that you make. [S2] Yeah. Yeah. [S1] The friend group that you're in, how much you weigh, what you look like, where... | 29.32 | 3.014223 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617467.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617468 | [S1] enjoying the view. And I really do believe that the best years of my life are ahead of me. [S2] Yes. [S1] That there are people that I will meet in the future that will be some of my most important relationships and friends that I haven't met yet. [S2] Yes. | 17.84 | 3.176299 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617468.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617469 | [S1] Rather than making us depressed, it actually makes us happier because what we do is we start savoring life. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] We start paying attention to what's really important. You know, the curtains, the brand of my car, not so important as, you know, | 18.4 | 3.447678 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617469.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617470 | [S1] Is that really what matters, what my watch says, or is what really matters, how my body feels when I move, right? [S2] Yeah. [S1] And so what we want is to get beyond the badges of achievement to the substance of our life. [S2] Why do we go after all of this wealth and all of this stuff when I think deep down we a... | 26.84 | 3.434584 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617470.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617471 | [S1] If you're constantly chasing things, and you said getting to that final place, like I get that house on the beach, I get the money and the bank, I find the love of my life, all these things that we're chasing, chasing, chasing, because we think that we get there and we will have that exhale. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And we... | 26.88 | 3.415912 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617471.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617472 | [S1] I wish we would have had this conversation two days ago. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Because there, no, I'm not kidding. Because there's a text that I sent, that I sent in the heat of like an anxiety wave. And now I am sitting here | 14.6 | 3.090794 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617472.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617473 | [S1] Two days later, it's not been responded to by the other person, and I, of course, am managing the wave of, "Oh my God, I wish I hadn't have sent that." [S2] Yeah. [S1] Oh. [S2] Yeah. [S1] How do I deal with this moment right now, when I feel this regret that I didn't put myself in pause? | 19.56 | 3.117768 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617473.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617474 | [S1] Okay. The first thing is you don't beat yourself up about it. [S2] Too late. [S1] You say, okay, how, what am I going to learn from this? So when we feel like we've made a mistake, you know, failure is fine. The question is, how do we learn from it? So if I, and I've done this, believe me, where I've, I've fired o... | 28.76 | 3.264577 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617474.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617475 | [S1] Otherwise, we tend to follow people who tell us they've got it all figured out. Nobody's like that. There's nobody on the planet who can, who alone can fix it. [S2] Well, I want to talk a little bit about money. What did this 86 year long study at Harvard tell you about the role that money plays when it comes to h... | 21.56 | 3.324644 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617475.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617476 | [S1] Level of acute and chronic stress. [S2] Yep. [S1] And anxiety that you feel. [S2] Absolutely. [S1] When you cannot buy groceries or pay your rent. [S2] Absolutely. [S1] And so, when you're in that situation, I hear what you're saying, which is, until you can get your basic needs met, | 22.08 | 3.483757 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617476.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617477 | [S1] Accessing a deeper level of happiness is going to be really difficult 'cause you're not thriving. You have legitimate stress and problems that are overtaking your body and your mind, and that's a very, very real thing. So money becomes a really important tool- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... to be able to relieve stress and s... | 29.92 | 3.431463 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617477.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617478 | [S1] fall into this trap where we believe, because of what we see on social media or what is celebrated in our culture, the new cars, the mansions, the jets, the, all of it, that you start to think that it's the point of your life. [S2] Yes. Yes. [S1] And so we should think about money as a tool, not the point. | 21.16 | 3.504999 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617478.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617479 | [S1] Exactly. To think, well, what's the money for? [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And when I answer that, is that likely to actually make me happy? So we can each do a little internal check. What are the times when I've been the happiest? Was it actually when I had that new car? Um, maybe for a few minutes, but | 27.2 | 3.323557 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617479.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617480 | [S1] If I were making $19,000 a year in New York City, darn right, money matters hugely. [S2] Right. [S1] And, and you're absolutely right that it's, that it's a level of stress that prevents us from being happy until we have those needs met. | 15.6 | 3.390442 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617480.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617481 | [S1] That was a great question that you asked us to contemplate. And so I wanna ask you as you're listening to just stop and think back on your life right now. And if you think about times where you are the happiest, what's interesting is I reflect on that question. It is 1,000% when I am out doing something with other... | 26.12 | 3.30267 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617481.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617482 | [S1] We're hiking, we're sitting and watching the sunset. We are out working in the yard, we're exploring some new area, and it's with other people. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And these experiences. And so I suppose if you can even just switch your perspective and think about money as a tool to help create more of those connectio... | 25.32 | 3.348351 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617482.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617483 | [S1] Exactly. And they've actually studied this. They actually studied like what makes us happier, paying for material things with our extra money. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Or paying for experiences. And what they find is that paying for experiences, whether it's, you know, going to a national park, uh, tickets to a basketball ... | 23.72 | 3.495476 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617483.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617484 | [S1] That makes us happier, and it makes us happier for longer than buying a physical object. God. [S2] Awesome. Awesome. So, let's talk about comparison. How does comparing where you are in life to somebody else impact your happiness? [S1] There's a quote from Teddy Roosevelt that I love. He said, "Comparison is the t... | 25.32 | 3.405712 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617484.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617485 | [S1] And what we find when we study this is that people who compare themselves to other people more often, day to day, in a given day, you are less happy. And the people who don't compare themselves as much feel better about life and better about themselves. [S2] How the heck do we stop? Isn't it human nature to compar... | 29.28 | 3.506397 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617485.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617486 | [S1] And by pull, you mean it is triggering you to do it? [S2] It makes us compare. [S1] Gotcha, okay. [S2] Like we almost can't help it. [S1] Yes. [S2] Okay, so what pulls for comparison? | 10.36 | 3.367649 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617486.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617487 | [S1] Doom scrolling through social media polls for comparison. When I look at other people's curated lives, other people's photos of beautiful meals or great vacations, and I compare it to my own mundane life of driving through traffic, I think, "Oh," you know, "Oh, I'm not living my best life." Everybody else has it f... | 25.08 | 3.37793 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617487.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617488 | [S1] ... pulls for comparison. But what about gardening? [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Right? What about bird watching? Uh, it doesn't really make us wanna compare. It's just, "Oh my gosh, that's so amazing." | 13.76 | 3.303188 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617488.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617489 | [S1] What would you say, though, to a 20-year-old that's listening to this? Because we have a huge range of listeners, and there's tons of families that share episodes back and forth. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Moms and dads sending to sons and daughters and vice versa. And so, | 18.6 | 3.414097 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617489.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617491 | [S1] How video games can put some people into a state of flow where they're just in it. They're just like doing the game. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And they're not thinking about, they're not comparing themselves. [S2] Yeah. [S1] They're just like, just trying to get better at this game. Now, | 16.24 | 3.291327 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617491.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617492 | [S1] There's a connection element in basketball and in some video games that I suspect is pretty similar. [S2] When you look at the research from this 86 year long study, what did the participants say at the end of their life? [S1] Mm. [S2] What were their biggest regrets and what were the big lessons? | 20.52 | 3.394723 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617492.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617493 | [S1] Um, I, uh, was a good boss. You know, it was always about the relationships. Even among people who had won huge prizes or gotten big accolades, that's not what they named when they were looking back on their life. [S2] You said the biggest regret, particularly for women, was wasting so much of your life worrying a... | 28.56 | 3.337939 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617493.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617494 | [S1] Well, it's realizing that, first of all, most of that's not gonna matter when we're dead. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Right? But what will matter, am I treating people well? That will matter, and people will remember it, even after we're gone. It's not what people think, but it's what I do. So one of the sayings I like a l... | 29.4 | 3.290034 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617494.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617495 | [S1] Yeah, you're missing the point. [S2] Yeah. [S1] So you said at the very beginning that the single biggest takeaway from this 86 year long study on adult development at Harvard is that a good life is made from good relationships. So let's focus on what makes for good relationships and let's start with what kind of ... | 29.56 | 3.172816 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617495.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617496 | [S1] Wow. [S2] So we think that everybody needs one person. In my world, we call it a secure attachment to another person, where you feel like if I'm in trouble, that person would be there for me. [S1] We've talked about it on this podcast as your 4 a.m. friend. | 17.24 | 3.449871 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617496.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617497 | [S1] The person you can pick up the phone to at four o'clock in the morning, whether it's an emergency or you're just lonely and you need somebody to talk to. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Why does secure attachment matter and what is it? How does it relate to happiness? | 16.12 | 3.538101 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617497.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617498 | [S1] It's sometimes called refueling, where they're reminded, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, home base," and then they'll toddle off again, and then they'll run back for that kind of momentary re- refueling, right? We think that that's something we need all the way through life. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So how do I ... | 22.48 | 3.446777 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617498.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617499 | [S1] I feel like that's the whole purpose of this podcast for the person listening. [S2] Yeah. [S1] That it is a refueling. [S2] Yeah. [S1] That it's a place you can come back to like a home base and hear somebody who really means it say, "You got this." Yes, you can. [S2] You can, exactly. | 18.08 | 3.41809 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617499.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617500 | [S1] is that your relationships not only create a good life, but they actually make you healthier. [S2] Yes. [S1] They make you live longer. And so can you talk a little bit about how the connection that you feel with people in your life, or even warm connections with strangers, helps you manage stress? | 24.12 | 3.082647 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617500.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617501 | [S1] Electrical contractors. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Right? Like, get that picture in your mind. They're all kind of standing there crying. I'm like, "Hey guys, what's up?" You know, and for silence. [S2] Like, who is this? [S1] Yeah, and then I'm like, "How's the conference?" And they're like, "Oh," you know, and then one guy... | 28.52 | 2.954786 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617501.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617502 | [S1] It's not even about being extroverted because I'm really more of somebody I'm realizing who's more amberverted. I'm extroverted at work, but then I'm literally a, I never leave my house kind of thing. [S2] Yeah. [S1] But I am so energized by it. [S2] Right. So how did you feel at the start of the elevator ride and... | 23.44 | 3.353944 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617502.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617503 | [S1] So then I go up alone in the elevator for another seven floors, and then the first contractor walks in. And the second I looked at him and I said, "Good morning," and he smiled and said, "Good morning," I felt a little burst of energy. It was like I was immediately now in the moment. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And not on my ... | 28.2 | 3.417508 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617503.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617504 | [S1] Yes. But the energy in the elevator shifted. Nobody was on their phone. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And we didn't solve the world's problems. [S2] Yeah. [S1] But even just getting off the elevator, and then as I exited, "Have a great day, everybody." And a, you know, a couple of people, "Hey, you too," you know, kinda thing, ... | 22.48 | 3.491154 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617504.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617505 | [S1] I felt a little less alone. I felt a lift of life force energy. [S2] Yep. [S1] From other people. [S2] Yep. [S1] It shifted my mood and it changed the day. | 13.92 | 3.216765 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617505.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617506 | [S1] And th- and what you've developed is a habit of doing that. [S2] Yes. Yes. [S1] And what is worth pointing out is that it's a habit we can develop. That even though it's a little awkward at first, if you just keep doing it, it'll become second nature. But I had to develop the habit. | 18.92 | 3.421055 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617506.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617507 | [S1] Yeah, and I think it's really important to note something, that this is really important because you underestimate how big of a difference it makes in your life. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And I'd like to offer one other example of how you can do this, 'cause I know that for a lot of people, striking up a conversation or mak... | 25.64 | 3.493291 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617507.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617508 | [S1] Do you mind me asking what your first name is? I feel like I, I come in here every day, I see you, I don't even, like, I'd, I'd like to just, you know, I'm Mel. [S2] Yes. [S1] And then, here's a pro tip. When you turn around after you say their name, write their name in your contacts in the notes under the, uh, en... | 26.4 | 3.405182 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617508.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617509 | [S1] Evan is the dude that is at the coffee shop at the hotel I stay at all the time in Boston. I now know his name. He knows my order. [S2] Yeah, yeah. [S1] Because I use this and I refresh my memory the first couple times so when I walk up, I'm like, "Oh, it's Evan, right? Oh, I'm Mel. It's great to see you again." T... | 22.32 | 3.014783 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617509.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617510 | [S1] Yes. And one of the things I would add is that we can't always do it every time. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So sometimes you're going to be in a bad mood or you're going to be really preoccupied with something and you're not going to be able to reach out, to get outside of your own head and do just what you're describing. ... | 26.08 | 3.318433 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617510.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617511 | [S1] Well, I find that sometimes those small things take less energy than trying to refuel with a deeper conversation. [S2] Yeah. [S1] From somebody else. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Um, can you talk a little bit about what the study says about the importance of romantic relationships to your happiness and health and to living a g... | 17.24 | 3.501314 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p160_m4-dialogue_0617511.mp3 | [
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