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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p27_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p27_m4-dialogue_0966921
[S1] We have meticulously researched. In fact, Tracy and I get in fights all the time. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Like mental fights. [S2] Yes. Yeah. [S1] She's like, "Technically, you can't say that." Or, "That science, that, that research study that everybody's talking about, technically does not say that, so you cannot..." ...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p27_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p27_m4-dialogue_0966922
[S1] ... things. What are we talking about? What are we ta- [S2] Yeah. [S1] There's eight things we're talking about. [S2] Yeah, definitely. So the first thing is that every single thing you always hear about in your work and Mel's podcast is always true, it's always real, and you can always trust it. And so Mel wanted...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p27_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p27_m4-dialogue_0966923
[S1] ... it with you guys today. [S2] So, we, this is also like a behind the scenes because this is how we produce the show. We look at your DMs, your questions. [S1] Yeah. [S2] We look at what's trending, we consider what's going on in- [S1] Yeah. [S2] ... my life, your life, people's lives on the team, and our extend...
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[S1] Behavior changes that you can institute immediately that will improve your life. [S2] Yeah. [S1] All grounded by research. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And some of them quite shockingly weird and surprising. [S2] Yes, and these are all brand new, just released, amazing, legit studies, so we're super excited to share them. [S...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p27_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p27_m4-dialogue_0966925
[S1] So that's interesting. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So we know that we should be doing this, but what you're saying is that we don't do this, and this is where the insight comes in. [S2] Yes. [S1] Is that we assume it's not gonna matter. [S2] Exactly. [S1] And a random act of kindness, it's like the littlest thing. [S2] Yeah...
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[S1] And here's the interesting twist about this story, and it's why Tracy was so excited to talk about this particular piece of research. The stories were not from people who were like, "Oh, I started a pay it for it forward chain." [S2] No. [S1] Which, by the way, you know how everybody starts doing the pay it forwar...
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[S1] Because it gets confusing who's drink is who's and what got paid for and people don't know how to grab the drink. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And that if you wanna do something nice in a super busy coffee shop, look at the person making the coffee. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Tell them thank you and how much you appreciate them and g...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p27_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p27_m4-dialogue_0966928
[S1] ... a tip that is the cost of a cup of coffee that you would have bought for the stranger behind you. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Uh, which I thought was really interesting, but- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... but this piece of research which really impacted me is all of the comments were not about people bragging- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ......
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[S1] ... of their life. [S2] Their entire life. Yeah. [S1] Why don't you read that one comment that had us all just get goosebumps?
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[S1] I want you to take a minute and I want you to think about a moment. [S2] Yeah. [S1] An act of kindness that somebody else did for you that was meaningful. And when you think about it from being on the recipient's end,
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[S1] From you being the one. Even if it's just as simple as, like, you were running super late for something, and traffic was monstrous, and a stranger waved you in with a smile. [S2] Uh-huh. [S1] How that makes your energy shift. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] That's what I want you to think about when it comes to this brand new r...
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[S1] Okay, great. So this second piece of research is very exciting as we think about the new year is coming, a lot of us want new fitness routines, but it always seems to be easier to talk about creating that new routine- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... than actually implementing it. [S2] Okay. [S1] Especially when you're busy,...
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[S1] Brand new, big study from researchers at Edith Cowan University in Australia, along with whole research teams in Japan and Brazil. Listen to this. All you need to do to build your strength is do what's called the eccentric muscle contraction, aka the second half of any exercise. [S2] Okay. I don't know what you're...
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[S1] Imagine that you were standing up- [S2] Uh-huh. [S1] ... to sit down in your chair or to squat. [S2] Okay. [S1] It's simply the motion of the sitting down part, not the standing up.
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[S1] Okay, so let me see if I'm getting this right. So are you basically saying that so many of us are losing the benefit of certain things we do all day long? Like for me, plopping into a chair. [S2] Yes. [S1] I let gravity do the work. I do not consider sitting in a chair exercise. Are you telling me that this study ...
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[S1] Yes. It says that one muscle contraction in this downward movement for just three seconds a day can increase muscle strength if you do it each day. [S2] What? Well, okay, so you're not even necessarily talking about how, like, if you're doing bicep curls, you know, how people are like, you gotta slow down and not ...
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[S1] And that is true. And that in the research, they did use bicep curls to say people who just did the downward and then put their weights down. And then maybe they just got them back up, but it wasn't part of the motion. [S2] Yep. [S1] Yes. In exercise, they're saying you can cut your routine in half by just doing t...
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[S1] Okay, I'm down with passive exercise. I remember when my mom found this revolutionary way of exercising where you literally lay on a table and they strap your feet into things and they lift your legs for you. I'm like, "I'm pretty sure that's not exercise." But if it works for you and it gets you there, great. But...
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[S1] The way I don't get intentional about resisting it dropping down. [S2] And the lifting up doesn't seem to matter that much, according to the research. [S1] Whoa. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Whoa. Now let's do the chair thing. So I want to try this. So I'm standing up. [S2] Okay. [S1] And normally, when I go to sit down, I jus...
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[S1] ... into the chair right now. [S2] Yeah, gravity did the work. [S1] Yeah. [S2] And the chair took the beating. [S1] Yes. [S2] Okay, so now I'm gonna stand up and I'm going to- [S1] You are slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly- [S2] Oh, God, okay. This is like my class. [S1] ... slowly, slowly, slowly going down. [S2] Oh...
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[S1] Like a squat. [S2] If you- [S1] Oh. [S2] The research is saying if you can once per day for three seconds slowly chair sit, you have just exercised. Building your muscles. [S1] I'm doing this. [S2] Could be easier than a whole weight training New Year's resolution.
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[S1] My life has just been changed by passive exercise research. Ladies and gentlemen, Tracy. Genius. Thank you. So we've got acts of kindness, remembering how profound they are for somebody. [S2] Yes. [S1] Even just a smile. Oh, you know, one act of kindness- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... that I do all the time, whenever I see ...
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[S1] And the reason why is I know that they took the time- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... to do it. And try this. Compliment somebody's nails. You will see somebody light up like a Christmas tree when you compliment their nails. They feel seen, they feel acknowledged. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] It's a simple way to do it. Okay. [S2] Wha...
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[S1] ... nails. [S2] Oh, Tracy, with the gold. You are not a nail polish person either, so- [S1] No, I'm not. [S2] Well, show them to the, to the YouTube community. It's gold, everybody. [S1] For Christmas. [S2] Okay. All right. Next study. [S1] So this study, when I first read it, I was a little bit floored by it. So ...
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[S1] ... 'cause there's some- [S2] ... a mix. It felt stupid- [S1] ... research-y fine. [S2] ... and I cannot believe how big of an impact and how big this study is for what it is, but I think this is a very simple thing that anyone can do for one second each day. [S1] Wait, one second? [S2] One second. [S1] Well, you ...
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[S1] ... is called Feeling Chirpy. So in this study, what's really interesting too is you might think, okay, you're out in nature, that's the benefit. [S2] Yeah. [S1] But no. They isolated. It is not about trees. It is not about plants. It is not about being by the water. It works if you listen on an app. [S2] Really? ...
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[S1] deeply resonates with us, even at a subconscious level, for eight hours of improved mental well-being, up to, up to eight hours. [S2] That's incredible. You know, it reminds me, um, up here in, uh, Vermont, when my in-laws owned this house, there was a clock that used to hang in the kitchen, and every single hour ...
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[S1] It didn't matter how many people were in the kitchen. Everybody would stop and turn toward the clock. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And so, on some level, this seems like one of those studies where you're like, "Honestly, who the hell even got this idea to start this?" [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] You know, like, but if they've got mor...
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[S1] I wonder if this has to do with evolution and the fact that if you think about our ancestors truly navigating and migrating and following patterns of nature and wind and stars and the migratory patterns of birds. [S2] Yeah. [S1] That I wonder if there is this connection. And, you know, I, I agree. I, I, I love the...
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[S1] Okay. [S2] Great. [S1] What else you got for us? [S2] Well, now that we're so grounded, after our bird sound, there is a huge, brand new, like, just published study from Georgetown Medical Center, published in the JAMA Psychiatry Journal, which is a really big, prestigious journal, so this research is legit. [S1] ...
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[S1] Now, by body scan, you don't mean climbing into an MRI. [S2] No, I mean, how is my body feeling right now? [S1] So a lot of times in yoga, um, they'll use this relaxation technique in a class where you're like, you know, scrunch up your feet, relax them. Scrunch your ankles, relax them. [S2] Yes. [S1] You know, li...
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[S1] Really? [S2] Yes. That's a powerful example of mindfulness-based stress reduction. [S1] Okay. So they studied Lexapro- [S2] Yes. [S1] ... and then they also studied these mindfulness techniques that bring you into your body and into the moment. [S2] Yeah.
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[S1] Wow. I think I have a hunch for why that might be. [S2] Why? [S1] Well, because as somebody who has dealt with and felt anxiety- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... for almost my entire life, I mean, I have it under control now and I profoundly understand it, so I'm, I, I'm annoyed by it, but I'm not scared by it anymore. Um,
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[S1] What's interesting is that anxiety, as we know, is an alarm. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And anxiety is signaling that something's up and you need some reassurance. And anxiety also typically takes you immediately into the future- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... that something bad's about to happen. If you're having, if you're directin...
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[S1] You're activating a part of your mind- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... that's different from the part of the mind that takes over when you're anxious. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And so it's a way for you to almost like shortcut- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... in your own mind- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... this, this skill of pulling yourself into the pre...
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[S1] ... is they're active. [S2] Well, and the other thing that I've found personally and that we know based on the research is that the more that you practice these strategies, whether it's, uh, doing a body scan of your own body in the moment, whether it's gratitude journaling, whether it's certain forms of breathing...
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[S1] redirecting your thoughts. Uh, the other exercise we talk about a lot is the five senses, where in a moment where you feel anxious, you say, "Well, what can I smell right now? What do I see in front of me?" And by describing those five senses, again, you are interrupting that part of the brain from taking over, si...
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[S1] But I love knowing, why do I love knowing, that researchers at Yale have confirmed that? 'Cause a lot of this is common sense, not the birds. [S2] A lot of it is common sense, but I think there's something about knowing your time spent in your gratitude journal is worth it. [S1] That it matters. [S2] It matters. [...
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[S1] Great. So we've done the act of kindness. [S2] Yeah. [S1] You've sat in your chair very, very, very, very slowly. You have listened to your bird sound. Now we have written down what gratitude, have gratitude about. This next one is super interesting, and it is about willpower. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So a big study from...
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[S1] So you're saying if the students didn't do what I did, or didn't do what I see my kids doing, which is basically you got the laptop open, you got the phone on, you got piles of books all around you, and you're just gonna try to plow through it. [S2] Yes. [S1] If instead you get deliberate about chunking it out, pu...
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[S1] In particular, the ones they mentioned was disabling your cell phone. [S2] Okay, so turn the phone off if you're serious about performing better. [S1] Yes. [S2] You gotta turn the phone off when you're preparing. Okay, that's number one. [S1] Setting up a distraction-free place to get your work done. [S2] Setting ...
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[S1] And so Tracy was so awesome. She, without skipping a beat, you didn't even look at me. You just reached your hand over and shut the, the laptop and then shoved it away from me. [S2] I did. [S1] You did what this study is telling you. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And do you know how quickly we wrapped up the Final Eleven? [S2] ...
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[S1] So, take a look at the week. [S2] Yeah. [S1] If you've got a big project or you've got something, and schedule in blocks of time where you're going to go to that distraction-free thing and you're going to turn off your cell phone. And that if you were to do that, did they find anything about how it also took less ...
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[S1] So are you suggesting that sitting on the couch with Netflix on and my laptop open- [S2] [LAUGHS] Yes. [S1] ... is not a good way to research podcast episodes? [S2] Probably. Depending on how long you want it to take. If you want to study more efficiently, faster, and just perform better, yeah. Put your phone on d...
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[S1] And again, like I think that these are the things that in the back of your mind we kind of go, "Duh." [S2] Yeah. [S1] But having these validated studies, 20,000 high school students. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Like why wouldn't you do this unless you just want to shoot yourself in the foot and make life harder? [S2] Yeah.
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[S1] ... that brings you back to an old time and place. [S2] Okay. [S1] So this is a study out of Lancaster University in the UK, brand new study, where they actually asked older people who, at this point in their life, you know, maybe they're not having as many exciting new experiences for a really amazing memory of t...
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[S1] research. [S2] What? Like, like the taste of your favorite ice cream treat from a vendor? You know, like I'm thinking about like- [S1] At the wedding, the one couple, it was the food at their wedding. They were able to taste it. And, or someone who had a curry, tasting one. They took them back to that memory. Stra...
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[S1] ... instantly. [S2] Wow. [S1] And the researchers say this is a very powerful implication for creating happiness hacks. If you knew that in the past you had the best vacation, the best memory, you can instantly access that deep memory by smelling that smell, having that food.
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[S1] ... a lot of sense. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I, I, I, my, my wheels are spinning 'cause I'm thinking about my friend Pete Sheehan who made me a cup of tea once. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And he was very particular about how he made it because he said- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... only his mother has ever been able to make tea- [S2] Yeah....
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[S1] Because this research that you're talking about in terms of how taste and smell cues memory. [S2] Yeah. [S1] This is specifically applied to very positive memories. [S2] Very positive, yes. [S1] And it's, it's, it's really kinda cool when you stop and think about the fact that you can, as you said, hack happiness ...
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[S1] remember a really interesting story that has always stuck with me because we know that this is true- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... based on trauma research. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] That, that smell in particular can trigger a trauma response. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And I, I believe it was in the book about, uh, trauma that was written, ...
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[S1] can immediately bring you back to that just terrible thing that happened. And so the researcher or the, the psychiatrist was talking about how he was treating a, a high school student. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Who had had severe abuse. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And all of a sudden, this kid had gone from being like a really great ...
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[S1] The therapist got the math teacher to stop wearing the cologne. Issue gone. [S2] Wow. [S1] And so we know based on research that this is true around trauma and negative experiences. I think it's really, really encouraging to hear that smell conjures up positive experiences. In fact, I'm thinking about the fact tha...
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[S1] My father used to wear a particular cologne. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And whenever I smell it- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... or smell traces of it, I immediately remember them. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Oh, this is so cool. Didn't you have a friend that did this with her wedding- [S2] Yeah, definitely. [S1] ... intentionally? What happened?...
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[S1] Because that is a smell that for the rest of your life can transport you back to that moment. She said she picked out a very specific flower- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... one of her favorites with her favorite smell and did a massive arrangement right where she was gonna be standing.
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[S1] ... that, and even not just for weddings, for any big moment of your life where you know that you're going to want to look back at this forever, create a signature scent, know what your smell is going to be, and you will go back to that forever. [S2] Speaking of smell, my cat Noodle just walked in. [S1] [LAUGHS] [...
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[S1] ... lately. [S2] Yes. He, uh, he's been, uh, really naughty. We've got this new puppy, as, uh, you may know, and so, uh, he has got a signature scent that he sprays around. [S1] [LAUGHS] [S2] Um, all right. I, I, you know, that's interesting 'cause you think about marking rituals with a certain cake- [S1] Yeah. [S...
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[S1] Yeah, definitely. And you can apply that right now about things going forward or about any positive memory that you want to remember. [S2] Okay, cool. What else? [S1] Okay, great.
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[S1] Foods that you don't want your partner or friends to know that you eat, or things like watching a TV show ahead of your partner when you guys are doing it together and they don't know that you're sneaking ahead. [S2] And then you sit there and pretend that you haven't when you watch the episode. [S1] This, the res...
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[S1] Now, is this something we should do? Because everything that you've recommended so far is additive. [S2] Yeah. [S1] So, yes, I am guilty of watching a show ahead and not telling Chris, but I always confess when we're sitting there. But they also did... Go ahead. [S2] Well,
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[S1] ... to your partner. [S2] Well, that makes sense because guilt has two forms. Destructive, which is the guilt that you use against yourself where you just beat yourself up and make yourself feel bad. And then the guilt that is, um, really productive because it motivates you to want to do better. And so are you say...
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[S1] What they found common is usually both partners do the same secret behavior and they hide it from the other. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] And a very common one is around diet. [S2] Okay. [S1] Like both partners are vegetarians when they're together and they secretly eat meat, not together.
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[S1] The first takeaway is if you, like 90% of people have made an impulsive online purchase- [S2] Okay. [S1] ... that your partner doesn't know about, or you snuck a piece of cake, or you're watching ahead on the TV show, first off, don't beat yourself up about it because the research shows they are probably doing it ...
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[S1] That is killer. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Like, so don't feel bad about that Amazon box showing up and you quickly sneaking it into the back of your closet so that nobody knows that you, yet again, ordered another pair of pants. [S2] Yes. And this is not about betrayal. This is not about shopping addiction. This is about, t...
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[S1] ... or ate the gluten amazing bread at the dinner with your friends, but came home and ate the cardboard bread that was there. [S2] Yeah, and I think also, you know, as we go into the new year, a lot of people might do challenges with others. I know you've talked about taking on a big fitness challenge with Chris....
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[S1] It could be okay. [S2] It sounds like it's more than okay. It sounds like it amplifies your want- [S1] Yeah. [S2] ... you wanting to show up. This is so cool. [S1] Yeah. [S2] So, so far we've covered seven things, how important it is to add random acts of kindness, even just smiling at people, complimenting their ...
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[S1] Yeah. [S2] If I ever see somebody cleaning a public bathroom, I always stop and look them in the eye and say, "Thank you so much for taking care of us." [S1] That's great. [S2] And most people are floored. [S1] Yeah. [S2] Uh, I love passive exercise. [S1] Sit down slowly in that chair once per day. [S2] Remember, ...
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[S1] You are going to get an inch above the chair and hold it for three seconds. [S2] Yes. [S1] That is a, that's a legit squat, is what I'm doing. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] 'Cause my quads are fully engaged. Okay. [S2] Sit on down. [S1] Or just sat down. 'Cause now you can hear my, my voice shift. [S2] Yeah. [S1] 'Cause I'm n...
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[S1] Don't lift the weights, everybody. Slowly lower them and you will be ripped. Uh, birds. Birds are something we're gonna add in. Who knew? I love this. [S2] Yeah. Listen to a bird sound for up to eight hours of just a better day. [S1] Well, you're not saying listen to birds for eight hours. [S2] No. [S1] You're say...
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[S1] And then the fourth one is the mindfulness practice. That's studied out of Georgetown around bringing in some mindfulness into your day, like a gratitude journal, can cause as much reduction in anxiety as taking an antidepressant. [S2] And you know, we just did this episode right before this one? [S1] Yeah, last w...
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[S1] Oh, a week ago- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... we did this episode about doing nothing. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And in it, I said to, I recommended that we set an alarm in our smartphones for 2:13- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... with a little note that says, "Stop." [S2] Yeah. [S1] "Take a breath." [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] "Do nothing." I even ha...
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[S1] When it happens, and that's an act of mindfulness. And one other thing that comes to mind, I know in Tim Ferriss's big book- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... Tools of Titans, he crunched the data on 250 interviews that he had done with, like, billionaires and world changers, and every single one of them had one habit that they...
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[S1] Awesome. Schedule in success. Don't just muscle through it. [S2] Yeah. [S1] What else we got? Oh, smell. I like this one. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Think about putting more positive smell associations into your life. [S2] Oh. [S1] Whether it's bringing positive memories to mind, or it is creating positive experiences by get...
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[S1] Yeah, definitely. And then we had our one sneaky- [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] ... TV show watching, sneaky meat eating. [S2] So just giggle about it. Stop making yourself feel bad. [S1] Stop making yourself bad because everyone else is doing it too. [S2] And there's one final change. [S1] Yeah. So this piece of research is...
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[S1] You can tell them what it is. [S2] It's being kind to yourself. [S1] This is so profound that I want to dedicate the next episode- [S2] No. [S1] ... to just the research- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... on how to be kinder to yourself because this recent study I know and the irony is of all the things that you could change in...
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[S1] As a daily practice. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Has the single biggest impact on your happiness, on your meaning, on your sense of purpose. And the sad thing is, it is the one we practice the least. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And this is so important that the very next episode that we drop in the Mel Robbins podcast is gonna go deep on...
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[S1] ... why it matters, and we are also going to do a bonus episode with it- [S2] Great. [S1] ... where we're going to take people's questions about it because, yes, let's squat down on the chair, let's listen to the birds, let's structure our study time, let's get the smells going, people. Let's be mindful. Let's, uh...
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[S1] ... around the random act of kindness. [S2] Oh, kindness. Amped up the kindness. Let's go. And kindness toward self- [S1] Yeah. [S2] ... is the biggest thing you should do, which is why we're gonna talk about it in the next episode. Tracy, you are amazeballs. [S1] Thank you for having me on, Mel. [S2] Having you o...
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mature into more of an adult. Does that make sense? [S1] Uh, one of, actually I had a visual of, um, I don't know if you've ever seen a picture, I feel like, of a child, and usually it's a child in a suit where it's like a child wearing their father's, you know, suit and the- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... the arms are hanging do...
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[S1] It is for everyone. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] That then gets complicated by the many of us who, for very different reasons, were told explicitly or indirectly not to talk about how things were, right? So we, we either maybe shame ourselves for acknowledging the reality and we don't even, we suppress it. We don't allow our...
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[S1] Very heavily influenced Italian family, where family is first and we are tight-lipped. We don't tell, you know, the neighbors. We don't mention what happens inside these four walls to anyone else. Now we do get locked in a narrative that might not match up with what our lived experience is. So to answer your quest...
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[S1] Habits. And again, I just want to share that because a byproduct for many of us, I used to think I was solely there was something wrong with my brain, the neurology in my brain, because I came to realize quite early on when it was a joke, um, with my friends in high school of how little memories I have. [S2] I hav...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p35_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p35_m4-dialogue_0270828
[S1] Or you talked about kind of shutting down or fawning, or it was to, you know, what was the other one? I've, we've got, we, there are three, right, that you do, that you can do, you like fight or flight. [S2] To explode outward. [S1] Yes. [S2] To, to fight, to check out, to flee, or distance, distract ourselves fro...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p35_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p35_m4-dialogue_0270829
[S1] ... with how to meet your authentic self. It's broken up into three different sections. [S2] Why? [S1] And the first, and the first section is how to meet your body, how to reconnect with your-
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[S1] me. Here's another. Right along with the time, right along the lines of that neurological, you know, memory issue. I was like, I don't feel passionate, even though, again, I was marching. [S2] Right. [S1] I, for as long as I, for as long as you would have heard me talking about what I want to be when I grow up, I ...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p35_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p35_m4-dialogue_0270831
[S1] ... dagger you or whatever it is. And until again, we learn how to create enough space to be responsive, to understand that our emotions are what make us alive. And to learn how to then regulate and navigate them, we're not gonna have a chance at reconnecting with our authentic self and at discovering those deeper...
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[S1] being kept physically alive. I mean, I didn't even know that there was a brand of parenting in the not-so-distant past of- [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] ... this idea that children are like a plant, right? Just, just feed them. Um, and again, some of this is colored by trauma. [S2] And then resentful, being resentful.
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[S1] Maybe into our early childhood where that kept us safe. Being attuned to when Dad had a bad day so you could get the heck out of the way and go hide in your room. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Right? Was what kept you safe. Then we continued to repeat that, again, all as our best attempt at keeping us safe into adulthood becaus...
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[S1] In the unfamiliar, in the newness of it. And then the large majority of us are going to be met with everything that's been below the surface- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... and we've been so seamlessly good at distracting ourselves from. So a lot of times, as counter-intuitive as it is, we know we're healing when we begin ...
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[S1] In that we just are embedded within us, deep-rooted beliefs of how it is that we're not worthy, that we carry through us, making us less likely to show that aspect of ourselves. A lot of times, and this was my experience, we then, anytime we perceive anyone as being distant, as giving us that curt response. [S2] Y...
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[S1] Why they're curt, why they're short, why they're unavailable. It might not have anything to do with us at all. They might be distracted with work, right? They might just need some time. [S2] Right. [S1] Like every human needs to be by themself. It might not be anything in reaction to anything that we've done, but ...
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[S1] You're not even a person. [S2] You're not even a person. [S1] I have to lead at you. I mean, there's moments where you could even be sharing the same room with someone who's just speaking to everyone else and just not you. And that is, gives you that implicit message of, "Your human is not, is not available to, I'...
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[S1] Shy Mel, to the extent that if I was out with my mom and a neighbor who knew me, knew my family, would say hi to me, I would hide, tuck myself behind her leg. [S2] Oh. [S1] I would not even, I would never utter a word to them. I would try to delete, um, them from even seeing me. When my brother or sister had partn...
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[S1] are on a spectrum of energetic sensitivity, how much time we need alone, away from other people, whether we feel, you know, more energized or connected to other people. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] When we have these extreme versions of being introvert, and a lot of times it was commented on in my family. "Nicole's so secret...
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[S1] Again, all of this, all this whole conversation leads to the messages that we're receiving. It doesn't have to be direct, right? It might be, we might not be directly told, "Oh, you're so easy," but we might be, you know, attention might be shifted away from us when we're being difficult. We might have love withdr...
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[S1] ... of a responsibility to learn how to tolerate, to navigate, which begins by becoming first aware that even if they were taught it was vulnerable, it was weak, that emotions are normal. They're a human part of our experience. Back full circle, they make us alive. They bring us to life. [S2] Yes. [S1] They allow ...
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[S1] ... react. All of that begins when we maybe first become aware that we do have that, you know, good boy conditioning. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Um, or whatever it is, that tendency to not allow our emotions to be what they are, the more we become conscious, of course, the more we become grounded and safe in our body so th...
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[S1] It is my pleasure to welcome the most requested human being of all time in person on this podcast, none other than the amazing Jay Shetty. [S2] [LAUGHS] Wow, I had no idea. That is so humbling and that is incredible. I thought you were gonna say all of that and then follow up with someone else's name. [S1] Oh, wel...
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