| text,true_label,predicted_label,raw_output,correct | |
| "I definitely try to practice this more. And I feel like there are moments where I’ve improved. But there are more times where I really struggle to make conversation. | |
| I also feel like because I am so anxious I can’t really be there in the moment, fully engaging in what they are saying to me so that I can come up with a genuine response. My mind is too busy, and I can’t fully pay attention to what they’re saying to me. And it’s exhausting trying to shut my mind up and trying to be there in the moment while dealing with the anxiety.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "The race towards what? The race is imaginary. Something we talk ourselves into. In the end we all die, and whatever it is we’ve been racing towards, we can’t take it with us when we die. So don’t let anyone pressure you into thinking you have to have accomplished x and y by the age of z. Including yourself. Setting goals and making a plan to strive towards them bit by bit at your own healthy and constructive pace? Yes! Self-chastising because you think you are behind because of some arbitrary measures that our society places upon us or we place upon ourselves? No!",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Also please tell me what I SHOULD HAVE DONE INSTEAD and what WOULD have made this work and be a dope ass friendship it should have panned out to be. I didn’t even want to hook up with her, like I said I’ve been cooped up in my home for one year with online classes in a commuter city college and literally have zero friends. I’m desperate for human context and super extroverted so naturally I come on too strong | |
| So can you please tell me what I should have done instead and what specifically would have made this work? I’m literally crying out of shame and regret, I shouldn’t have acted like this and clearly what I displayed must have either been creepy or socially retarded. I don’t want to be like this, I want to improve. So if you can elaborate as much as you can on what I SHOULD have done and how I SHOULD HAVE handled this that would be super helpful | |
| The reason I’m so annoyed is that not only did SHE ask me for my phone number and Korean messaging ID, she expressed interest in getting dinner and getting lunch today. So I clearly did something really wrong and socially autistic and bad in my part, and I need to know exactly what | |
| And the other question (same as first) . | |
| - what SHOULD have I done. How should I have exactly handled this differently, how many times should I have texted her. How many times should I have texted her in one day, how many times should I have called her on the phone, was calling her in the phone a bad idea (because she literally said she’d call me right after she was done). I know I goofed by calling her a second time, but everything else in lost on. Can you please be specific and give me some pointers dude | |
| And the last question. That stern ‘Id rather be alone today...’ seems a bit ominous. Clearly I’m a bit autistic and can’t read between the lines, so can you tell me what she is actually communicating with this m statement? | |
| Is it over? Am I fucked? Does she not want me to text her again and any future plans of getting lunch or dinner or hanging around jn NYC not possible? Or can I wait a few days and hope she’s still interested and is not creeped out anymore if I give her a break?",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I live in London, heres a date I went on. | |
| Texted her to meet me at the London Eye, then we walked to the Aquarium, chatted and laughed for a few hours, then took her to a bar nearby, which doubled up as an arcade, got a bit drunk and competitive but had fun, then finished the date with a ride on the London Eye, so we could get a view of London and the Thames at night, and that where I made my move to kiss her. | |
| It went really well, but I could have ended it if it was going badly, if I wasn't feeling it I could have made an excuse and left, but seeing as it was going so well I went for the romantic ending. | |
| Not sure where you live, but go for tourist attractions, theres no shame in it, I mean you can either go for a meal or a drink, or go somewhere visually interesting, then a place thats fun and you can drink, and then a romantic view of the city. | |
| I mean you want to go on dates where you aren't static, going places that you can comment on and talk about, like a museum or gallery, you can walk around and learn more about each other and laugh at some paintings and shit. | |
| I think I made a good impression, but maybe now ill be a victim of my own success, because now she might expect that all the time. | |
| Well our next date im taking her to the science museum at night, they have an adults only event where there are DJ's under real life space rockets, a bar and all sorts.",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I think there's lots of ways to tackle these problems, and I know because I was in a situation where I was pretty socially anxious to the point where I was practically mute around my extended family even and heart pounding when near basically anyone. But just to answer your question: no, it's not too late. Social skills are something you can learn at any point. No, maybe you won't be just like that super confident mellow guy that you wish you could be because you are different and have had different experiences, you are still shaped by these things. HOWEVER, you can become comfortable around people and enjoy a certain level of social success depending on your personality, but I think the main goal at least for me was to get to the point of not caring. Paradoxically, when I was able to stop caring (which took years of effort btw), more and more people started liking me! I think it's the confidence. But you have to earn that confidence through action. Won't give in depth advice here, but when you take different actions and act on your social skills, it won't feel natural and you'll feel like a fraud and people will be able to tell and feel it and your u will know they know, but ultimately you will change internally and things will work out. TLDR; no it's never too late and I'm not being inspirational or self helpy, just speaking from experience.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Defeating Grey Mann would require a strategic approach, as he is a highly intelligent and cunning CEO who has invested heavily in the latest technologies. Here are some potential strategies: | |
| 1. Identify his plan and cut off his resources - Grey Mann's ultimate goal is to eliminate Mann Co and gain control over its resources and technology. One possible strategy for stopping him would be for Mercenary Crew to discover his plans in advance and cut off his resources before he can execute them. This could be done through a targeted cyber attack, sabotage to his supply chain, or through an undercover operation to discover his plans. | |
| 2. Engage him in a direct confrontation - Alternatively, if Grey Mann's plan is already in motion, Mercenary Crew could engage him directly in a combat encounter. While he is a non-combatant, he still has at his disposal powerful robots and machines, so Mercenary Crew would need to engage in a strategic and well-coordinated assault to gain the advantage. | |
| 3. Adjust the battlefield - An effective strategy could be to change the landscape of the battle in a way that disorients Gray Mann's machines. For example, Engineer (Mercenary Crew) may use his skills in building to create a defense system that is immune to Gray Mann's robotic creations. | |
| 4. Use psychological attacks - Grey Mann is a person of ego and pride, an element that the Mercenary Crew can take advantage of to distract him from his plan. For instance, Spy (Mercenary Crew) can taunt Grey Mann with questions about his competency or highlight his lack of imagination in realizing his plans. | |
| Overall, to defeat Grey Mann, the Mercenary Crew team would need to use their skills in both unarmed combat and creative thinking. It is also likely that the Biohazard Brigade could be used to provide backup if the technologies developed by Grey Mann were capable of being cataloged as bio-organic.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I believe our society is becoming less resilient and less capable of proper social behavior. I truly am concerned about this as one of those weird in between Zillennials. I think people are less and less able to confront life and becoming increasingly detached. | |
| I don’t know if I’m right or wrong or in between but that could lead to the sense of loneliness. I mean think of the past generations and how they interacted. Dinner clubs, bridge clubs, men’s and women’s clubs. Social organization basically drove communities. | |
| Three of many observations that lead me to this view: | |
| 1. Technology took away the need go places and interact with people. This made it easier for people with poor social skills to stay away from public places as much as possible. I think our world has enabled a lack of personal growth. This leads to my 2nd observation. | |
| 2. I firmly believe we as humans need to experience uncomfortable situations regularly to be able to become capable resilient people. I have anxiety and stuff so I get it... but I constantly put myself out of my comfort zone so I now no longer feel extreme anxiety that I used to. I had super low self esteem so I challenged myself to accomplish some very tough things. (For me it was military schools, saying yes to tough assignments, and going to war.. but I don’t recommend it). This has helped me achieve more than I used to think I could. I can handle stress and life very well because I’ve endured significant stress. Perspective of life is so incredibly value. But it became unacceptable to push people to experience things they don’t necessarily want to. So if a parent tries to do that they’re deemed bad parents for forcing kids to do things. And 9/10 time kids and even adults probably aren’t going to go out of their way to push themselves. So that trend I think does not help people develop proper coping skills. | |
| 3. I think people now live in echo chambers. I think this leads people to being unwilling to compromise and quick to anger and maybe even having a fear of change. Dissent is not disrespectful. If you don’t live in a world where you can discuss opposing views calmly and try to understand how to achieve amicable progress.... well as Jeff Goldblum says...there it is.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I had the realization this month for the first time in my life that the reason I don't keep in touch with any social contacts is because I never talk. I was always taught that talking is ""attention hogging"" and egotistical, and being silent and not needing to be the center of attention is virtuous and good. But I realized that in order to defer any conversation from including myself at all, I have to shut down and not talk to anybody. And I couldn't figure out why my social life didn't function. It turns out that I was conditioned in a way that is not helpful to my ability to adapt to the world we live in. | |
| I am still trying to figure out how to adapt this information into day to day actions though",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "There's nothing wrong with you, dude. I'll tell you what went wrong. You let that girl mess with your mind. It's a common thing when you are in close proximity to someone you are sexually attracted to. I've been through that shit myself several times. | |
| Your brain starts censoring itself, you actively calculate your every move and carefully pick whatever word you say just to impress that girl. You can't think spontaneously. You freeze. | |
| I guarantee you that if that girl wasn't there to distract you, you would have been unhinged and have a nice time with your buddy and getting to know his pals better. You need to stop giving a fuck about impressing some random girl at a party. | |
| You know what I would have done ? If I was sitting next to her and realized that she doesn't show the slightest interest in me, I think of her as fake and ignore her. Just talk to your buddy and his pals. | |
| Don't feel bad about not hitting it off with her at that party. Trust me, parties are among the worst places you can start healthy relationships from. Guy sees girl, girl sees guy, they are attracted to each other, they get drunk, they fuck and that's it. They barely know anything about each other's lives, habits, interests etc. They break up a few days later at most. I doubt you will find many couples that have been together for over a year and got together after randomly meeting each other at a party. | |
| If you want to start a real relationship, do it in a place where it's just you and the girl and you actually sit face to face and get to know each other. That's how you know if you have a connection there or not.",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I get you. I‘m also reluctant to jump in conversations because I don‘t want to impose myself in way that says: „I‘m right here, talk to me!“. What I found to be a comfortable way of doing so for me and others is jumping in when they talk about stuff I‘m excited about as well. Kind of like: „Oh, you like 70‘s rock? Me too! What‘s your favourite band?“. At uni this „technique“ works really well for me especially with people I see now and then in my courses but don‘t speak to regularly (and it‘s also great because I can skip small-talk). Friend-group-wise I‘m not a self-invitor as well. However, with a group of friends I want to hang out more often but feel like they invite me not as much I actually use the same line as mentioned above. so if they talk about planning such and such I say: „You plan on going to the pool this afternoon? Cool, do you mind if I tag along?“. To me this shows that I‘m interested in this activity and also in spending time toghether. Perhaps, they weren‘t even sure if I wanted to do this or that but then they do. Another thing you can do is make the invitation yourself and invite them to go for drinks or something. Honestly, I do this not too often because I feel like nobody‘s coming but I‘m proven wrong every time (and if they say ‚no‘ more than once or are flakey you also know that they are just not the people you should invest to much time in and hang out with other people instead that value your efforts to see them)",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I feel the same way about people I've done wrong in the past. I remember that I did the best I could, with what I had, in the environment I was in. If I could've done better I would've, it makes me feel a bit better and I forgive myself a little bit. It doesn't condone what I did, but I can move on and the load lightens. | |
| It's not your fault that you turned out the way you did, but its your choice to stay that way. You are holding yourself responsible and accountable, which is what functional adults do and shows a degree of emotional intelligence. | |
| I found the book ""Radical Acceptance"" to be pretty good for working through this type of stuff, although I wouldn't recommend all of the meditation activities. I'm also a big fan of the Mark Manson blog. There is no shame in wanting to do better, anyone that looks down on you instead of helping (within reason) isn't someone that you should be spending a lot of time with. | |
| Also, from the perspective and experience of your own personal improvement, you can better empathize and understand, meaning you can be a better person/friend to people. | |
| Keep up the hard work, these things don't fix themselves or change as fast as we like. It's pretty gradual and you don't notice the changes every day, but they are there. Part of the process is seeing more undesirable parts of ourselves as we improve, this is not because we are inherently good or bad, it just is (ie it is how we choose tp perceive it). Good luck!",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Definitely. I used to flub random words and say ""um"" a lot, but I focused on just slowing down my speech. It solved both of those issues like 90% of the time. It initially felt weird, but nobody said anything negative and I got used to it over time. I even recorded myself talking at different speeds and realized the slower speeds sounded *more* normal, if anything. It also makes it a lot easier to enunciate and speak more loudly. | |
| Take a cue from politicians. These guys talk for a living, and if you take the time to really pay attention to *how* they talk, you'll notice they generally speak slowly, clearly, and deliberately.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""high""}",True | |
| "I’ve wanted to do this to some people. It’s not a personal thing saying “I don’t like you,” it’s just saying “I don’t want to see your posts.” A lot of people take it very personally, so most of the time I stay following them just to avoid unnecessary conflict if it doesn’t bother me too much. I have done it a few times. I’ll just say I don’t think you should have to stress over accounts that you want to unfollow. Do what you want to and if they take it personally that’s their fault. It sounds like you guys weren’t communicating at all anyway. Just my opinion tho.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "This is 100% good advice, but I'm a little worried that things might be a little more complicated based on OP's post history (As some other folks have pointed out). | |
| It doesn't seem like she and this guy are actually dating (She calls him a ""friend""), but they're in a physically intimate relationship and she says in one post that he ""ignored her for hours"" to play video games at one point, then tried to cuddle with her after she went to bed, to which she refused but wouldn't elaborate as to why, and kept withholding an explanation throughout the rest of the night, even after he apologized. | |
| Just constant, *constant* posts about what different things he did or said might mean, not taking all his clothes off, trying to get intimate with her when she was sad, etc. Some of it maybe hypothetical? But it's unclear. | |
| Given we only have the perspective of a clearly, *deeply* anxious and insecure person to go off of, I don't wanna (Even moreso, I *can't*) cast judgement either way on the relationship itself. But I think first and foremost that OP *really* needs therapy to get this constant ruminating and insecurity under control, and she should probably have a frank conversation with this guy about what, exactly, he's wanting between them. Booty calls, a romantic relationship, etc, cuz I'm not sure if OP even knows based on her posts. She's also apparently kissing and cuddling with *several* different guys currently, so that makes this even more complicated. | |
| **EDIT:** [Here's](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/u0ddg9/how_would_you_respond_if_your_partner_turned_off/) a post that, with her comments within it in mind, seems kind of indicative of there being more issues here than ""My boyfriend loves me but I'm having a hard time accepting that"". I hope things work out okay for OP and this guy, in whatever sense would make them both happiest.",evaluativist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",False | |
| "I have the sense you think that is a microphone drop. It is not. I recommend using Reddit to study the arguments you disagree with to better understand and argue against positions like mine and to better understand and defend your position. Good luck with that. | |
| By the way, if we play the numbers game, capitalism kills 100+million every five to ten years. It is more efficient...at killing people. | |
| Capitalism is also unsustainable. Infinite growth on a finite planet. There is a reason Musk, Branson, and Bezos want to go to space and Mars. New resource extraction and new market creation opportunities, not kindness or existential safeguard... | |
| Search for decline of the rate of profit, cooperative efficiency superiority, how cooperatives weather business cycles better, degrowth or post-growth economics, toxic incentives under capitalism, how capitalism stifles culture and innovation, why women have better sex under socialism, why we are owed a Universal Basic Dividend (Yanis Varoufakis: especially given that a lot of people are kept from meeting basic needs while corporate leeches privately accumulate publicly generated capital) and what increasing share percentages mean for the bolstering of democracy and liberty, the roles of automation and computerization in the socialist transition of political and economic activities (Paul Cockshott), the libertarian argument for leisurism as a lifestyle option opposed to workism (Van Parijs), and the benefits of participatory economics (Erik Olin Wright, Robin Hahnel). I could go on. I hope you go on and research, if not to form a better opinion, then at least to rely on better defenses of your opinions and better attacks on leftist ones. | |
| Be well and do your good.",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Small steps bro. | |
| Always say yes in social conversation, if ppl think you may like it trust them. You can tell them later what you did and didn’t like about their recommendation | |
| Regarding conversations, for ppl who struggle there are only two options: either take part in the begging or in the end. Just speak up, one sentence. That they see you were in the room and give those who already like you got no reason, to have a reason.. this will get your bill rolling | |
| The best way to show interest in a person is to dork up after this person the way that your crush has chance to speak more. Later on, your crush will feel urge to talk even in more details about the common topic",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Well, I think you could start with activities where people are kinda forced to invite you: I mean, if can take part to a political party and others member are forced to invite you because in a political association, even more if they're small, every member is important, also because not so many people are able to join the events the organization does. Maybe you could make new friends there and they'll invite you even in not-forced-invited activities. | |
| But also it could be that you have been a little unlucky: when I was in 8th grade I used to have only a friend because all other people around me weren't nice on my opinion, then I went to high schools and things changed, so it could be the envoriment too.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Been at a similar situation with a girl, like you at the beggining, but handled it differently, we would meet a few times, she was teasing me as hell and gave hope, we had some great time so a week or so later I told her that she means a lot for me now, but instead of ""oh sadthrowawaylololo you mean so much to me too it's going to be great"" I heard ""you're important but you deserve someone better"", that's the moment when I knew that I don't want to be friends with her, because it would just mess with me and I would still think about it for another month and not pay attention to other, more important problems. | |
| I just had to swallow the bitter pill and live on. You have to consider letting it go. | |
| PS If she actually has a boyfriend then you're going to get messed by envy anyway. | |
| PS2 Just reminded myself that I do actually have an ex-crush as a friend, but the time I took to reconnect with her was like 2 or 3 years. | |
| PS3 Just found these, sums everything up nicely | |
| https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/3o1o5s/having_a_crush_on_someone_you_cant_haveprobably/ | |
| https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/comments/3mfw4b/finally_told_my_friend_how_i_actually_felt_about/",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "A lot of guys just prefer being on the same page and being super boring and ""game"" in their attitude. You only say what you have to, you know how to woo a woman, you're smart and your humor doesn't suck, ""shut the fuck up, and get on with it."" vibe. | |
| I don't think I'd do it but honestly the biggest incentive I would have to join the nonbinaries is because my entire life I've probably been a bit more womanly as a man in my brain and my body, without it meaning that I'm gay or asexual or anything, I'm just a bit more emotive and high strung than the average man is, and I too have gotten that sense of distaste from other people, and direct comments that basically tell me to delete myself so the others can avoid their own irritations. | |
| It's not easy to just say ""get new friends"" but there we go, already one of them. In my experience 9/10 men you encounter will be like the people you mention. Perhaps that means we are simply not as mature, or maybe we developed abnormally? It's something we have to put up with, but it's not fun having to drop your own personality because you can genuinely start to block yourself off. I've tried it, and it never becomes more natural to me to be super ""manly"" or gruff, emotionally ""chill"". I am the way that I am. It's how my brain works. People can hate, but in my opinion they can simply fuck off, because I'm going to be me.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Well, you can try to find new circles, just so you won't have only this one to socialize with, I don't know what your hobbies are, or if study/work somewhere, but normally people from your routine are good starters. I too have difficulties with socializing, but giving advice it easier than doing it on real life, so I know it will be hard for you to try to find new friends or maybe some acquaintances, but try, open your eyes a little bit for new possibilities. | |
| And yes, stop the messaging for a few days, if nothing happens for 5-7 days, no contact at all, give one of them a call, invite the friendliest one for a coffee at starbucks, do something to clear both minds. | |
| As you liked the PC analogy, here it's another one, think of the new circles as that Linux USB boot that you have every time the damn Windows give you a problem. The part of waiting and having the chance to clear your minds, it's like when you make a trip, and when you come back you start getting the dust of your keyboard and mouse. | |
| I wish all the luck in the world for you in getting your friends back, I know how hard it is to find a good group and keep everything ok. | |
| As I said before, if you need any help, just leave a comment or PM me, even if it's a few days from now.",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Sometimes there are friend groups within friend groups. The more you bond with certain people (i.e hang out with them outside of school, are active in their groupchats, invite them over, etc) the closer you get and the more likely you are to be involved in group activities. I had a group of friends in school, with a couple of them never really showing up to anything, not really interested in hanging out outside of school, so naturally we just made a seperate group, or we just stopped asking because the dynamic was different. That doesn't mean I don't cherish them and love them for the role they played in my life, it's just that they never showed enthusiasm to do anything, so I simply followed their lead and gave them what they showed me (with their actions) that they wanted. | |
| I know it probably stings a little bit, but you have to take a step back and try to dissect things a little bit. You know you guys have a good time in school, but that's not going to stop them from hanging out outside of school, if you choose not to join them - then you have to understand that they eventually will grow a seperate relationship. Try to work on bonding with them in different situations, and if you opt out, then try to work on understanding their perspective.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I won't start with sentence ""same as me....and so on"". Or have I? I have confused myself just now. | |
| Anyway, I would love to say ""grow a pair"", bit since you mentioned you are female. Why is this so hard..? | |
| Thing is you are on this world to please yourself. It's your parents issue they want more from you instead of being proud of who you are now. Who cares about grades? Seriously? Is thst average grade really more important than your happiness? Than your life? Is it worth so much stress? | |
| Once you feel like you are letting down yourself, then you have a problem. But a problem thst can be fixed. But for as long as you are lettinng someone else down.. Well... Fuck them. Aren't they supposed to support you if they love you so much? | |
| Sorry for inappropriate language here, but I'll explain why I used it: because shit like thst makes me mad. I had girlfriend who was sure she's a diasppointment to their parents, especially compare to her sisters. My god she suffered. So much stress, so much drama. So much pain. It was killing me watching that. | |
| So yeah, stand up for yourself. Believe in yourself. Don't let others bring you down, even if they are your parents. They usually do it because of selfishness. One who's not selfish doesn't do that, but supports. Be happy, be proud of yourself. And if you want more, work more. But do it because of yourself.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I can relate to this. I used to be a lot meaner than I am today. I would always make condescending, sarcastic remarks and laugh at people's unnuanced opinions because I saw myself as so much smarter. I also got INTJ on the MBTI lol. I realized I had a problem because people were really turned off by my behavior and fortunately, like you, I had the self-awareness to realize the issue was in me. I eventually realized the issue was self-esteem. My arrogance was compensation for feeling insecure and my hatred for other people was a reaction to hatred for myself. Why did I hate myself? I didn't feel I measured up to the standards for how I should be. I was and am still an extreme perfectionist. Because I was perfect and had weaknesses then I was nothing. I also got bullied pretty bad when I was younger and my father was neglectful so those are likely some of the root causes for my low self esteem. I've put in a huge amount of effort to raise my self-esteem and like who I am. The more I liked myself and the more compassionate I could be to myself, the more I liked other people and could accept their flaws. Self-esteem is a journey and it will take a long time for you to undo the years of negative programming inside your mind but I believe you can do it. An excellent place to start is Self-Esteem by Mckay. | |
| https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1626253935/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=self+esteem&qid=1592606250&sprefix=self+esteem&sr=8-3 | |
| Put in the effort to actually do the exercises and it will pay off in due time. This is just the start of your journey though so don't get complacent when you finish it. | |
| Good luck",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I think the best way to end a friendship is going to depend on your situation and the other person in question. If you're both mature, than a frank conversation and mutual agreement to go your separate ways can happen. | |
| Unfortunately, you're often ending a friendship because you find that person is becoming unpleasant in some way, such as toxicity, dangerous behavior or disregard for boundaries. In these cases, when your safety/comfort is at risk, you just don't feel like dealing with a fight or being interrupted, a letter, email or text to make it absolutely clear that ""we're not friends anymore"" is perfectly acceptable.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Firstly, most of the time family is important, it’s something you don’t realise until you’ve lost those who you care for or who care for you. So, unless there’s an underlying issue, like abuse or neglect and a few others, I wouldn’t recommend going no contact. Secondly, I would say that neither of you are clearly in the wrong, you both have different ideals and beliefs. The best way to go around this is to have a conversation with your dad about your passions and ideals. You have to find a common ground between both of you. Dads are stubborn people, but mostly just want what’s best for their kids, it’s clear that what he thinks is best for you is from his own experience, which can be helpful in its own right. I’d suggest trying to tell your dad that you want to try new experiences and you truly believe that self improvement is one of them. Also I’m on your side, self improvement is amazing and your older self will love you for it, if you actively go to the gym it does wonders both mentally and physically, just don’t go too hard, my knees are shot from doing stupid amounts of weight and I’m not even close to being old. I’m regards to style, that’s something which is unique to everyone, so whatever floats your boat here, I know my parents loathed my fashion sense, but they can to accept it (I just didn’t tell them I spent hundreds of dollars on a suit). Skincare is also something which I’d consider important, people will look at someone differently if they dress and look the part.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "There's two possibilities: your friends are shitty for not accepting your opinions, or you have shitty opinions. I have relatively like-minded friends. We don't agree about everything, but we're still compatible for the most part in that our opinions are on the same side of things. For a few issues we're opposite and we just agree to disagree. I could not agree to disagree on certain issues because of how important they are... I would have to let that ""friend"" go. You have to decide where your boundaries are and realize the importance of changing YOUR own mind sometimes. Sometimes people haven't discovered that yet.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "You can absolutely still see a therapist, someone ongoing to talk to and help you figure things out will probably be super beneficial! | |
| And I think putting yourself out there is probably good too, find some kind of social situation that fits your interests and take the first steps. If you like parties, go to the club. If you like helping people, volunteer with charities or something similar, if you like gaming sign up for an online game, if you want to learn a new skill you might be able to find a social group that teaches that skill. Whatever you enjoy or want to try, be genuine about it and you'll meet people who enjoy the same thing, which gives you something to bond over | |
| Just keep putting yourself out there, most people you talk to will probably just be polite, but even small interactions can help build confidence, and if you're able to be passionate about what you're talking about people will want to share that passion with you. | |
| A good small talk tip I saw once which has been a lifesaver, is ask people about their pets. A lot of the time they will get excited and maybe show pictures, if they don't have any pets but want one you can ask all about it. If they don't have pets and don't want any, they might tell you why and it doesn't hurt to ask.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I had a whole bunch of horrible stuff happen from 2015 on, and the details don't really matter (fine to share but not sure if relevant). And now I am actually starting to figure stuff out and THAT is where the paralysis comes in! Before in the shit situations, I had no choice BUT to survive, BUT to thrive, BUT to attempt to excel. I was almost on autopilot. And exhausted, and being noticed for being exhausted but not always given the material and emotional support I needed. | |
| Now I am changing careers, relationships making new inroads, changing my social life a bit, working on my health (Accepting the bad bits and working on what I can). This SHOULD make me feel fantastic. And it does, a lot of the time. But I just freeze so much. Because this is so different and I can't hide behind my chaos like I used to. I mean, I am simply setting up an aquarium for example. I am capable and have done it before, for pete's sake I interned at an actual public aquarium years ago! But I read every blog post, every subreddit, watched every video, talked to two of the employees at the store, and still barely made any headway, as I weighed each idea, and second guessed myself at every turn. Even food shopping, comparing different tomatoes for what I was making, something I made since I was a kid, with my parents and grandparents, and frozen for sure I would buy the wrong tomatoes. That's just not normal. | |
| But I am working on it. I think awareness has a lot to do with it.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""high""}",True | |
| "1. Have an open body language. No frown, no hunched shoulders, no crossed arms. You don't have to smile all the time, but being mentally *prepared* to smile changes your whole face. | |
| 2. Speak loudly and clearly enough, don't mumble. Raise your hand in class, don't be afraid to give the wrong answer - you're there to learn. | |
| 3. Don't choose the most remote seat in class. Don't avoid group activities, even when it feels painful to partake - it's better to force yourself once in a while than send a message that you avoid people. | |
| 4. Find your own circle of people you'll talk regularly to, but be generally friendly to everyone. | |
| 5. Remember people's names, look them in the eye when you speak to them. | |
| 6. Study well. It's your main purpose there, and even when people do see someone as a loner, they will still somewhat respect them more if they're a smart loner. | |
| 7. Your peers will do dumb and sometimes immoral things. Don't compromise your moral principles to fit in. It's much better to socialise with more low-key, nice people who are not concerned with looking ""cool"".",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "It sounds like this was just a general mismatch between the location/setting and what you were hoping to get out of it. It's *so* much easier to have conversations with people when you're in a setting that provides conversation. For example, taking classes or something like that - if you're in a cooking class, it's so natural to turn to someone next to you and say something like, ""That looks great! I can never get the sauce right. What interested you in this class?"" | |
| At a bar or a club, you're just walking up to someone and saying, ""How are you?"" It's a little abrupt and doesn't lend itself toward continuing a conversation. | |
| If you're often finding yourself in these situations it's probably because you're choosing the wrong settings and the wrong people to do this with - not because there's something wrong with *you*. | |
| >I have to go through shit to become socially experienced | |
| Don't take shit from people under the guise of becoming socially experienced. It probably took a good 5 years for me to stop being a shy, awkward weirdo and a major part of that was developing the self-confidence to say: ""This is *your* problem, not mine. It does not reflect on me, and I don't have to tolerate it. I am not the sum of your opinion of me.""",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Personally, As someone who self harmed before, known a bunch of people who self harmed, and dated someone with a lot of scars, I’m always caught between “man i hope they’re ok” and “I know this is absolutely the last thing they want to talk about with some random person they just met.” There’s so much emotional pain in that situation, because at some level I understand but I know I don’t know the specifics of what they’re going through/went through. I want to tell them I care about them but I don’t want to come across as pitying or like I’m making a shallow statement, but I remember everyone i and I think about them from time to time and I hope they’re doing ok now (some are people I haven’t seen in almost a decade). With friends and my ex, I noticed their scars at first but as time went on I almost stopped noticing them in that sort of way where you get used to seeing something and then your brain just stops registering that it’s something different. So this is all to say that I hope you’re ok, I’m familiar with the type of pain, and there’s a lot of people who care about you genuinely and quietly even if they don’t know you or everything you’re going through.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I'm sorry if you think you're losing out on something that means so much to you. I understand that my words come with privilege. Fwiw, I know plenty of people who had their first relationships late in thier twenties (older than you) and are thriving. I honestly think that it happens in your own time. I started dating early and didn't have a good relationship until I grew up and knew better. | |
| As a woman, my worst dating experiences were when I started at 19 to around your age. Cause at that age I felt pressured by the guys around me to do certain things and I wasnt mentally ready for all that. And the older I got( around 25) the more I knew what I wanted and avoided the stuff I didn't. I honestly believe people are rushing the process to thier own demise. | |
| You could think about the fact that you lost something or you could think about what you may have gained being old enough to appreciate what you have when you finally get it. | |
| Just my two cents. I'm happy talk about it more if you'd like.",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Definitely not alone there. Difference for me was that, while I was able to find plenty similar Black nerd boys to me, those of other races also felt that they were able to speak on my ""Blackness"" as well. It was really disconcerting to have White friends telling me I'm too White to be Black, or that they were Blacker than I am or something to that effect. On one hand, they would do that, and on the other, they were the ones to constantly remind me that I was Black. Not that I was trying to forget, but the way they interacted with me made it abundantly clear that me simply being Black was somehow a personality trait, and it was the only one that they cared about. | |
| Those other Black boys became sort of a refuge to me honestly. I could just ""be"" with them without have other people attempt to define me outside of who I am. I phased those other people out of my social circle and learned that at the end of the day, nobody can define who I am, but me. Not even another Black man can speak towards your Blackness, because it's just a fact that you are. I actually learned to be indignant when someone tries to tell me who I am, without them sharing that identity. (example, I will speak up when a White person attempts to speak on my Blackness. Or when a woman tries to tell me what's manly/masculine.) They would be the *last* people who have any right to tell me those things. | |
| Idk where you live, so I can't really speak to your inability to make Black friends. My best guess is that there aren't *that* many of you to begin with, and so the one that breaks from the stereotypes gets ostracized. My advice is to validate who you are with yourself. I'm guessing you feel othered, which is understandable. I personally acknowledge my myriad of differences, while taking note of my similarities to the Black men around me. If they don't vibe with me, then so be it. I'm affirmed in who I am.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "A note- my examples are just that examples of the types of things people typically discuss with the strangers around them in class. Not every situation will be identical and it isn’t supposed to be a script. Just because one person didn’t feel comfortable talking about one topic doesn’t mean that everyone would be. The example of “so, what other classes do you have today?” Is meant not as a conversation starter as much as a bridge between a conversation you had that went well to asking about their schedule for the rest of the day in a tactful way to see if they have time after the activity you are doing to maybe do something else with you and to get more information about their interests so you can find out if they are someone you want to be friends with. | |
| Another note making friends on a college campus is definitely different if you live on camp or off and if you are on a campus where most people commute or most people live on campus. It also would be different if you are on a campus where you are not the “typical” student- for example I dormed on a campus where less than 10% of students did so. And none of my advice is meant to be taken as absolutes. I had to laugh when I wrote that these things took the place of going up to someone in the quad and asking if they want to get coffee because that’s pretty close to how I met one of my best friends at college. It just works a lot less often than other things would. | |
| There is a really great book that I got as a joke gift when I graduated from HS but found very helpful on these topics. It’s called “The Naked Roommate” you might find it helpful.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Oh, and another thought. If you like a girl and she hasn't responded in a few days to something you said and you still wish you could talk to her, just start up a new conversation. Find an article about something interesting that you think she'd like to read and then talk about, or just a funny meme or gif and say ""Hey, saw this and thought I'd share cuz it was cute"". | |
| This is good for if you'd previously been talking and things seemed like they were going well but the conversation died. Just let it be dead. Forget about it. It could have petered out for any number of reasons. She could have just been busy, she could have thought she responded but she didn't (I've done this), she could have not been able to think of anything to say in response. See if you can spark more conversation from her. | |
| If at that point, she doesn't respond or responds only briefly and doesn't carry into a real conversation again you might have to conclude she just isn't into you and move on. But feel free to try that once if you want to, and definitely just let the dead conversation from before remain dead instead of demanding reasons why it died.",multiplist,multiplist,"{""stance"": ""multiplist"", ""confidence"": ""high""}",True | |
| "Dear student, | |
| Algorithmic bias is a term used to describe the ways in which machine learning algorithms can propagate, exacerbate, or even create injustice and discrimination due to biased data and assumptions in the algorithmic design. This article by Nima Kordzadeh and Maryam Ghasemaghaeib reviews the topic of algorithmic bias, synthesizes the existing research in the field, and outlines future research directions for understanding and mitigating this issue. | |
| The authors first provide a thorough overview of what algorithmic bias is, the different types of biases that can exist in algorithms, and the potential impact of algorithmic bias on society. They also discuss the root causes of algorithmic bias, such as biased training data, limited diversity in the algorithm design team, and the lack of transparency and accountability in algorithmic decision-making. | |
| Next, the authors review the current state of research in algorithmic bias. They examine studies that have investigated biases in specific contexts such as employment, criminal justice, and healthcare. They analyze different approaches to detecting and mitigating algorithmic bias such as fairness metrics, pre-processing data, and post-processing outputs. The authors also identify limitations in current research methods, such as the lack of reliable ground truth and the difficult task of defining fairness in algorithmic decision-making. | |
| Finally, the authors outline potential future research directions for addressing algorithmic bias. They suggest investigating the ethical implications of algorithmic bias, designing bias-sensitive algorithms, and integrating diverse perspectives and stakeholders in the algorithm design process. They also emphasize the importance of developing interdisciplinary collaborations between computer scientists, social scientists, and ethicists to address this complex problem. | |
| In summary, this article provides a comprehensive review of the field of algorithmic bias and highlights key areas of future research that will be crucial to creating fair and ethical AI systems.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""high""}",True | |
| "I have had three therapists. | |
| The first was a psychoanalyst and it was a horrible match. She spent much of our session asking me why I was sitting in my chair that way or fidgeting like that and what did it mean and how did I feel. It just made me more and more self-conscious. | |
| The second did some CBT and was probably the most helpful. | |
| The last one was a really nice and awesome lady but she was a bit scatter-brained. She would give me assignments and then forget to follow up on them. Also her method of talk therapy was not very helpful for me as I am completely self-aware of my motivations and my patterns of unhealthy behavior and where they stem from, I need more practical tips on how to overcome them. However, my boyfriend found her style very helpful for him. | |
| So I would definitely recommend that you find the therapist that is right for you, and if it's not working out don't be afraid to switch.",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I guess I think of those sort of things more as a fall back if there's like a lull in conversation or something. ""So... whaddaya do for fun..?"" type of thing lol. They're not so much topics I expect to necessarily discuss the first time I meet someone; they're the kind of things that will inevitably come up as you get to know someone, y'know? If someone has a book or movie or show they're super into, that's GONNA come up. What they like to do is gonna come up if/when you decide you wanna hang out again and are tryna make plans, etc. The only context in which I'd really EXPECT or go outa my way to include those sorta ""20 questions"" type topics with someone new is like a first date where we're both tryna suss out compatibility probs.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "You really can't care about what other people think or say. The truth is there is always going to be someone who hates you and someone who loves you. You know when people tell you to be yourself? Everybody knows that's a terrible advice but not entirely. If you know you have some bad habits or you know you should improve yourself in some ways DO IT. Dont be that guy that you know is not attractive, but stay true to yourself. Stay true to whatever you believe, whatever you think is funny. If you can hold your ground and be true to yourself, sure some people are going to hate you, bully you, but fuk them. You know for a fact that there are a lot of people love you for who you are. ",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Dude, seriously? I edited my reply so I made it clear. This is the last time I’m going to reiterate this because three people have had that same, shitty argument: | |
| I’m not scared of every dude on the street. I’m not scared of 99% of dudes. I actually don’t think every guy who approaches me in this manner means to come off as creepy/manipulative as it seems, which is why I made this post. | |
| However, it would be extremely naive and EXTREMELY stupid to be a girl living in a city and think every person around me has the best intentions. It’s not just guys. Any stranger that approaches me in a weird way makes me uncomfortable. I’d rather me cautious and be careful around strangers than end up as a news headline of a missing/dead girl like you see with all the unfortunate woman that have to experience that. It’s really not that uncommon and it’s important to take precautions to be safe. | |
| Please, think of a girl you love in your life. A sister, daughter, lover, anyone you care about. Now think of someone approaching them while they’re alone in a secluded area, or following them home alone in the dark. You wouldn’t want that, right? And you would want them to be cautious around strangers, especially ones larger than them, yeah? | |
| I’ve met a lot of amazing, helpful strangers but I’ve also been in very scary situations when I WAS naive and trusted everyone. | |
| AND AGAIN: I DONT THINK MEN WHO APPROACH ME IN DAYLIGHT WITH PEOPLE AROUND ARE CREEPY. I find it awkward, and I don’t really want to be apart of it, and that’s my own PERSONAL _PREFERENCE_ !!!!!! Some girls are okay with it, I PERSONALLY am not. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I just don’t like talking to strangers when I’m on a walk. If it’s in a social area, I’m fine with it, but I don’t like being approached on the street, never have. I’m sure you have your preferences for being social, nothing wrong with having mine. | |
| I PERSONALLY, as in my PERSONAL PREFERENCE, also wouldn’t approach strangers to talk to them if I was at a park or walking or something, even if I thought they seemed interesting. Because I WOULDNT WANT TO. AND AGAIN, THIS IS MY PERSONAL PREFERENCE. Because it seems like you guys missed that big point. | |
| There is NOTHING WRONG w approaching women in the right environment as long as you aren’t being super creepy. But the woman also isn’t required to want to continue the conversation, and it’s also ok if she’s uncomfortable, even if u did anything right, because some people just ... don’t like talking to strangers, especially if they have somewhere to be.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "People do do it, from time to time! And sometimes it can be a great experience. | |
| I'd say if it's something you want to try, keep a few things in mind: | |
| 1) Start gently. Meaning, try to carefully feel out if they are interested in conversation. Short questions like menu recommendations or a comment on things happening in the bar or on the screen at that moment. If they don't engage with you, don't pursue it. | |
| 2) while you are still getting used to conversation with strangers in bars, pick low risk targets. Essentially, approach everyone, not just people you are interested in. | |
| You need this partially because you won't be devastated if it doesn't go as you hope, and partially to help you feel out how to do bar small talk. | |
| 3) if you do want to approach someone you are interested in, make sure you watch for signals and don't overstep them. If you think they are withdrawing, respect that decision. Pursuing when someone else withdraws is anywhere from annoying to creepy. | |
| 4) if the small talk goes well, you can wrap up with mentioning the next time you'll be there, or writing down your number and offering it to them. | |
| 5) don't expect them to follow through with contact. It's hard to not get your hopes up, but try not to. Encounters with strangers at bars is a dice roll. All you can do is try to present yourself positively and hope for the best.",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I believe there is also the point where, if you've known a woman long enough, you also know all her ""skeleton in the closet"" type shit. Like you do family, and feelings of attraction can fade from that into a brother/sister type relationship. I feel that a lot of men initially put a woman they find attractive on a pedestal, once they get to really know her, they calm down. | |
| It happens to me A LOT. I always get the initial vibes from men of them being attracted (catch them looking, standing to close to me, trying to get my attention all the time) but once they see how out of pocket I can be, they calm the fuck down. Sometimes I actually over do it too, just so they sister me up quicker. | |
| Hahaha one time, I acted like I was gonna fight some drunk dude because he was trying to fight the guys in my group. They quickly saw that behavior as, ""this chick could get me in serious trouble."" And I now rarely catch a single one of them glancing at my figa. | |
| If you're talking as a gf of a guy with attractive female friends. Ya, he's attracted to them? Probably. Not many women do what I do. But, you can trust your instincts with women based on how they treat you and your relationship. If a woman isn't down, men typically respect that, but they'll still look. But it stops there though (if they're a good partner). I highly doubt they'll even go whack the meat to the girls (porn is much easier to get off to than the imagination). And if that something your afraid of... Ya I do think it's disrespectful, but I feel a genuine man/friend probably wouldn't be doing that unless he's still acting like he's at the height of his puberty. | |
| Again, there are so many women out there, it's not necessary to ruin a friendship. Unless he feels it is, which you can 100% smell that from a mile away, especially if you get them drunk. Those aren't the guys you want to be involved with though (the kind who jump to intimacy with a woman who is being friendly). That kind of behavior needs therapy, not a woman. | |
| Discalimer: Personal opinions from personal experiences. Not all men are the way I describe, I'm sure. Not to categorize. If you feel in love with a friend and jumped to it, if things worked out, that's fucking awesome!",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Oh, dude. This is happening to me right now. | |
| I've been a social butterfly my whole life: always making friends, life of the party, able to talk through any awkward situation presented to me. But lately... I really only have an interest in my sister, boyfriend, and.... oh man that's it. I don't like bars anymore, I don't like parties. I never even keep my phone on me anymore. When I plug it in at night I have like 5 texts that I just don't respond to. I make myself call my mom and force conversation from time to time, never talk to the rest of my family. I pretty much ignore all of my friends, and when we do get together (never my planning) I don't ask them ""How's your job?"" or other normal stuff. I just want to stay home, crochet, and watch SVU. | |
| I think I overextended myself previously. I think I didn't give myself any at-home time, and now I'm catching up. I just used to never say 'no', I'd be going and going and going. A couple of years ago, I had to move away from the big city I lived in because there was always something to do and I got so exhausted and broke after four years there. | |
| I'm not depressed, I may be a little bit codependent on my boyfriend. I just don't have any real interest in most people, and I can't even fake it anymore. I hope it's just a phase, because I genuinely love people. It's confusing. Not exactly what you're dealing with, but similar for sure. ",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I can only speak from my perspective, but I'm assuming at least a couple of people on your team share it. | |
| I eat everything. I like meat. I like pasta. I like veggies. | |
| That said, I would not like to go to a place called Veggie Grill. I've been to a few similarly named places, and have never had food that I would want to eat again. | |
| This could have been some of your teammates' thought processes as well. | |
| It's not about whether Veggie Grill or Olive Garden can or can't accommodate you, it's about what kind of food *they* want to eat. Unfortunately for you, they did not want to eat at Veggie Grill. | |
| If you were driving and they didn't let you go to Veggie Grill to get something to go, then yes, that's shitty on them, and you should have gone anyway. If you were not driving, then you have much less say in the matter and effectively have to go along with the driver's choice or majority opinion. | |
| Society is held together by loose rules that change over time. You can't easily say where compromise should enter in for either party. It's based on a lot of factors, a large one being - how many people agree with you vs. disagree with you. | |
| It sounds like in this situation you were alone vs many others. In that case, you're almost always going to be the one compromising. That's the nature of social dynamics. | |
| In the future, you have a couple options: | |
| 1. Try to get one, two, or more people to agree that you should go to a vegan-friendly place. Even if you have just one person on your side, your argument will hold a lot more weight than if you're alone. | |
| 2. Go somewhere else by yourself. Assuming you weren't driving, walk. | |
| 3. Bring food with you. Carry around some vegan food so you're not put in a situation like this where you can't order from the menu. | |
| 4. Suck it up and deal with the fact that being a vegan is your choice. Many parts of the country and world are decidedly not vegan-friendly. If you are a vegan, then the fact of the matter is...you'll have to deal with this sort of thing again. Evaluate why you are vegan and whether it is worth it. | |
| Lastly - social interactions are often much less logical than you'd like. You'll have to get used to it if you want to be more social. | |
| Edit: I fully agree with [this](http://www.reddit.com/r/vegan/comments/34631v/how_do_you_guys_put_up_with_being_required_to_eat/cqrllnw) post.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Some people regard empathy as a 'technique' to be employed in special moments, say when someone's really down or has gotten bad news. And there's truth to that of course. | |
| But I look at it more broadly in the sense that the more empathy you can have with anyone, at any time, the more you will be able to 'click' with them, connect with them, bond with them. I call that an Attitude of Empathy instead of a specific tool that you use in a specific moment. | |
| It's actually one of the secrets to charisma. (And I love that you've asked this question, thank you!) So in the broader sense, empathy is ""the ability to understand and share the feelings of another."" So I interpret that as either joining in with, or creating a particular mood that you share with other people. | |
| In order to do that you have to either recognize the attitude that's present (are they partying? chilling? talking about something serious? goofing around? concentrating on something? down and depressed? etc.), or in some cases if you're confident enough you BRING THE MOOD that you want to share with the person or group. (for me it's often some joy/positive energy along with a playful attitude) | |
| People connect more on emotion than they do on words. So the ability to tap into empathy FREQUENTLY will up your charisma if you're able to bring a lot of positivity to that. (although when someone's down about something, obviously you need to step into a different mood in order to vibe with that and give support) | |
| Great question!",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Depends, sometimes I don't say anything, sometimes I give a compliment about some other physical attribute. (Your friend is trying on dress and her belly is showing more than she's comfortable with, but it makes her bum look really good) | |
| It depends on the person and the environment you're in and how close the two of you are. | |
| It's something that can be very easily misinterpreted, like saying nothing to a stranger might be taken as an agreement, so it's tricky. | |
| Idk, you don't want to come off as being disingenuous, but I'm also not going to stand there and lie to someone's face if they're obviously overweight. Like ""nooo you look so skinny"". Yeah ok, now your friend knows you're a liar lol. Best to acknowledge what they said, make them feel heard, and then redirect the conversation. | |
| All that being said, if the person is just bloated after eating a big meal or something I tend to say nothing. I don't like engaging in that type of self deprecating dialogue. People get bloated after they eat, that's just life.",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "You kids need to learn to side eye drama. Miss Forever Tears needs to learn coping skills, and the rest of you need to figure out how to problem solve before things get tense, not after. | |
| No one owes anyone an apology. You don't apologize to people who are acting out, because they then weaponize tears and screaming and panic attacks to enforce their will. | |
| Listen. You're supposed to be growing up. Learn some damned chill. Adults get yelled at by bosses, by randoms in the streets, by friends, and quietly move on. People who snowflake in public are demonstrating their lack of maturity, and eventually they get cuffed when they move from DRAMA with the friend group to violence over being bumped at the 7/11. | |
| Everyone should drop the theatrics. You were all at fault, including the ones who sat there and didn't remove the guy who wasn't there to study. How stupid was that? Very. | |
| There are teenagers going to war, working to support their siblings, living on the street. A full education is a luxury, and you're treating university like a kindergarten playpen. You all need to grow up faster.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I know this is easier said than done, so please don't take this as me being uncaring or as someone who doesn't know what they're talking about, but the most important thing I've learned to do with my social anxiety is to stop thinking about what other people might have felt/thought about my awkward behavior. It's scary for me to think this, because I worry about how I make people feel, and I feel like if I don't worry all the time I'll do something wrong and make someone very uncomfortable. Except, me worrying is what makes people uncomfortable in the first place. I make people feel like they're doing something wrong because of how I react to being around them (scared, stuttering, no eye contact). The best thing we can learn how to do is distract ourselves from our anxious thoughts, just try your hardest to think about anything other than whatever it is you're worried about. It's basic advice that's spit out over the internet more times than I could ever care to count, but that's only because it's the only thing that works for me. No amount of skills or repetitions could help me function, but getting rid of the worry is goal #1 to being socially skilled. I want to learn how to figure this out without anxiety medicine, so that my well-being and comfort isn't placed on whether or not I have meds, but if you want to go that route I completely understand and support that kind of decision. I've been thinking about it myself lately, but for the way of anti-depressants. Good luck.",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Hi! My post is ""how do i show receptiveness to flirty attention"" so to answer your first question: i don't know that's why I'm here. | |
| I said i know I'm no good at being bold but i never said i can't try flirty, just i don't know how. I wrote it in my main post and also on this thread you're responding to but maybe you didn't see it. i told him i would love to go for a drive and walk on the beach just me and him. I didn't send selfies(well i did send one eventually but whatves) like i said but i did send pics of what I'm doing and talk to him at various hours of throughout the day or try to initiate conversations myself to try and prove i am interested. | |
| I considered all of that flirty but because it wasn't sucessful i wrote this post acknowledging maybe it's not as flirty as i thought, so i asked for advice. My limit is i can't just run up to a guy and boldly proclaim i want to date him. that boldness doesn't suit me as i also said because I've tried and it worked even less than this new method I've been trying. but i was hoping there is a middle where i could show more interest. | |
| I don't expect anyone to ""psychically"" guess my level of interest in them but because i have a hard time expressing myself i came to r/socialskills to learn from fellow redditors some social skills. Now after all that do you have any advice the others didn't mention yet?",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I had a similar situation to this when i was 21. I had an overly critical friend that i always felt like he was better than me in some way and it got to the point of ""I feel better not talking to him rather than not talking to him."" Slowly I pulled myself away from him and weened off the friendship, and I felt super shitty about it afterwards. But it felt better to just be gone and out of it. Friends are there to bring you up and make you feel better. If you bring up the fact that he makes you feel like shit and then he plays it off like he isnt, its high time to get the hell out of there. | |
| Believe me when I say there isnt time in your life for a situation like that. That is a toxic situation and its cleverly disguised, and because of that its an odd call to make. Honestly someone elses opinion of you shouldnt matter, and you should think you're the coolest person on planet earth regardless of what others think of you. But i'd say bring this up to him, as im sure it will be hard and painful to do. But if he sees what you see in the situation and wants to change, great. And if he doesnt, then you pull away no harm no foul. | |
| Also, talk to other friends about this that know him. They might have similar insights. The guy i pulled away from, we had a lot of similar friends, and they all said the same thing, ""hes a good guy, but man he can be an asshole."" You look out for you, dont put yourself through an emotional mill if you dont have to, and if you're already asking if its toxic in any manner, it probably is.",multiplist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",False | |
| "As a shy, nerdy kid going to an all-boys school, I honestly didn't go hard with learning confidence until I was around 25/26, and it was a struggle. My dad took things seriously a lot and got easily offended, this was definitely passed down to me. My interest in cosplay and comics was always questioned into my late teens/early 20s (are you STILL dressing up??), which made me question myself and made me unsure and slightly ashamed of my interests | |
| Based on these things, here's a couple of tips I REALLY wish I had learnt, or was taught when I was younger (I don't blame my parents at all, I know they did their bests and I love them dearly). | |
| 1) Do your best to teach him to be happy, comfortable and PROUD of who he is 100%. I can't stress this enough. If he turns out to be geeky, HELL YEAH! If he's buff and loves the gym, HELL YEAH! If he wants to save whales as a career, HELL YEAH! Instilling pure love and confidence in himself is the BEST thing you can give him. (be careful not to spoil him rotten though!) | |
| 2) Do your best to teach him it's okay to make mistakes - and learn to laugh! When you're able to see the joy in small things, or laugh off little things that don't mean much in the big scheme of things, it'll be that much easier to want to try new things. | |
| Just being concerned and looking to help him at an early age is a great start, I think you're fantastic for thinking of him already! All the best, I hope he grows up loving life a lot!",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I’ve been to bars alone, it depens a lot on the bar. Some bars are “alone friendly” where a lot of other people just hangout alone as well, just passing time or enjoying the bar. The more “clubby” bars where it is really crowded with music, i think it’s still not weird but i doubt that you’d actually have a good time. In my experience it is easier to talk to other alone people than trying to join a group. | |
| The clubs, I have never tried alone. I do go to some metal concerts alone, and usually meet some people there easily because talking about the band/music is usually a really nice icebreaker.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Crazy to see other people with the exact same thoughts as me, holy crap. Thought I was the only one. | |
| Anyway, I'm an 18 year old boy who's in the same boat as you. My last real friend was in preschool and I've never had any friends since then. I'm only now becoming more social and actually making friends because I have a job where I have to talk alot. | |
| I've been working on my physical appearance to gain some confidence talking to people. What has been helping me overcome my anxiety though is CBD oil. I recommend you look into it. | |
| Labeling yourself is the worst thing you can do. You're not ""the quiet girl"", and no, people won't care if you suddenly start talking. It seems like you're unhappy with the way you're living, and acknowledging that you're unhappy is so important because now all you need to do is take action. Work on gaining your confidence back. Don't think about talking twice, just do it. You're going to open so many doors for yourself once you realize that nothing is holding you back. All those ""everyone hates me and nobody wants to talk to me"" thoughts are just your brain playing tricks on you. Stay woke | |
| hmu if you wanna talk or just wanna vent 😁",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""high""}",True | |
| "Just continue to be respectful, man. Don’t lash out at anyone or be super fake, that will make you look very bad. You say they talk over you and ignore you. That can be rough, but they may believe this is warranted behavior. You can’t force anyone to like you. Attempting to do this could be even more disastrous to you and/or to others. | |
| You will meet countless people throughout the remainder of your life. If your relationship with this group is never fully restored make sure that you learn from the mistakes you made. | |
| I, like many on this sub, would suggest not getting so caught up with what people think of you. Don’t go causing problems. Just try to do/be better for yourself and others will see that. I’ve found most people are drawn to genuine personalities.",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "You’re absolutely right, I do need to make friends and get some practice on socialising, and I’m trying to do that more often, but it’s taking me a long time to get comfortable talking within a group. I’ll still try to talk more but, as you say, my brain is my worst enemy and I find myself struggling to share in a group setting, I just think that no one would care what I like or what I have to say, at the same time I know that’s not true and people do care, it’s just that at the moment of truth my brain kicks in. I’m also thinking of pushing myself to go to some meet-ups or finding group classes of something to do, just to make some friends. Thanks for the advice!",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "This is sad. Very sad. | |
| Dude, you're young and I used to think just like you. You're going to have an impossible time with women with this mindset. | |
| Our eyes, instinctively, divert to things we desire. Your eyes INSTINCTIVELY went somewhere you wanted to look. What you did was not only NOT creepy it was completely normal. | |
| Did you want to touch her? Or assault her? Or force her into an uncomfortable situation? How could you possibly be creepy for doing this? | |
| I'm sure I'll be down voted because people are conditioned to believe that men are perverts and we only care about sex and if a man thinks about sex he's a creep. Screw that. | |
| Showing a girl you desire her sexually is not creepy. Going for what you want is not creepy. Creepy is being oblivious to social dynamics. If you engage a woman, verbally or non-verbally, and you can discern whether she approves or disapproves of your behavior. You're not a creep. Plain and simple. | |
| Some women WANT you to look at them believe it or not. But they're not going to tell you. If you don't look or tell them what you're thinking you're going to spend your life waiting for them to come to you. And if that's how you want to live then by all means continue buy into this mindset. | |
| You know you're a good person. But trust your first instinct. If you want to look then look. If you want to say something then say it. You'll be better for it I promise you.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "As an AI language model, I do not hold opinions or beliefs, but I can provide information and arguments related to critical period analysis. Therefore, here are a few possible rebuttals or critiques of the critical period analysis hypothesis: | |
| 1. Lack of empirical evidence: Despite several studies conducted on sensitive and critical periods, there is no clear empirical evidence to support the existence of a rigid critical period for language acquisition. Some studies suggest that there is a sensitive period, but the age range for it is flexible and depends on various factors such as language input, motivation, and individual differences. | |
| 2. Limited applicability: The critical period hypothesis assumes that language acquisition is uniform, which is not the case. Different aspects of language ability, such as grammar, vocabulary, and pronunciation, may follow different developmental trajectories and have distinct sensitive or critical periods. Moreover, the critical period hypothesis may not be applicable to individuals with hearing impairment or those who are exposed to multiple languages from an early age. | |
| 3. Ignoring individual differences: The critical period analysis neglects individual differences in language acquisition, such as genetic factors, cognitive abilities, and social and environmental factors. Some individuals may be more or less predisposed to language learning, which could influence their timing and proficiency. | |
| 4. Implications for language teaching: If the critical period hypothesis were true, it would have significant implications for language teaching. Teachers might assume that learners beyond a certain age are doomed to fail and therefore not invest in teaching them. This belief could create a self-fulfilling prophecy, leading to even lower proficiency levels among older learners. | |
| 5. Cultural implications: If the critical period hypothesis were accurate, it would suggest that some languages are inherently more difficult to learn than others, as they require more extensive exposure during the critical period. This statement might have cultural implications and reinforce stereotypes regarding language abilities and intelligence between groups of learners.",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Rule number one of the meanlizlemon guide to confidence: There is no normal. You are fine! As the show Crazy Ex Girlfriend says: fit hot guys have problems too. < Please go to youtube. | |
| Most people aren’t even paying that much attention. They spend more time thinking about themselves honestly. So if they express their opinion about you or what you’re doing.. They probably didn’t give it that much thought. | |
| Don’t allow the opinions of others to get too deep, because people can change their thoughts, so don’t get too invested in what they say. Most opinions aren’t based on you, but on them and how they behave, their judgments, past and expectations. Because other people’s opinions of what they might think of us.. Are none of our business either. | |
| Find a few people you can be yourself with and who have your best interest at heart. Because others don’t even know you or your values. | |
| Select the opinions you care for. And use them one day for the good. Because you know you are fun. Use it to get that confident, loud attitude. What would you say when you had 30 seconds of the world's attention?",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I don’t really drink, so I feel you. | |
| I know you mentioned you don’t like the partying aspect, but I will say that the way I’ve gained the most friends / several friend groups was going to different art-based festivals. I’ve had some luck and some misses with the friendships that I’ve made, but overall it’s been my biggest success in finding mindful and interesting people similar to me! | |
| If you really don’t think you can do any part of that (which again, totally feel you there because as an introvert it does get overwhelming), I’ve also had luck just going to interesting art gallery events or finding fun and social meetup events for my city (b movie nights, yoga on the beach, etc) | |
| I hope you find what you are looking for :)",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| """I finally feel okay for once in my life but I'm struggling with just ""being"". Like....wtf does that even mean???"" | |
| I think the problem here is the pressure we put on ourselves to ""be'' (that is, to exist contained in an identity that allows us to navigate the world) a certain way. I don't think there is a ""true"" self underneath our many layers that we desperately try to uncover. All there is is a complex web of ideal patterns of behavior that we believe we have to adhere to + our genetic disposition. That can be very scary to accept because it makes us feel lost, but it is a great thing. It means that we don't have to \*be\* anything. This doesn't mean we don't need an identity or that all that we think makes us who we are really doesn't. No, it just means ""I"" becomes a conscious creative act instead of an abstract ceiling that you impose on yourself. You can keep the parts of yourself you genuinely like, you can experiment, you can learn about your predispositions and accommodate; it's all up to you but always do it with gentleness towards yourself. | |
| ""My personality just seems so lackluster compared to others and I struggle being myself when I'm with other people, especially family. I've only been really close to a few friends and even then I wasn't fully myself."" | |
| I think we feel our personality is fragmented when we don't have a solid sense of who we are and that damages our self-esteem. We don't know how to present ourselves to the world. The depleted self-esteem causes us to be afraid of being judged so we hide when we're around others.",evaluativist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",False | |
| "I'm not sure how to handle romantic feelings at work. The one thing I have heard is that work and personal life should be separate. So I would consider this as a major factor. Gather more information on romantic relationships at work. For example, read this article: | |
| https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201502/9-questions-ask-starting-workplace-romance | |
| Let go of the control you are putting on this (or any) relationship. Try to let go of the expectations from another person. Let her be as she is. If she enjoys your company, and if you also enjoy, then sure spend some time with her. | |
| For now, I would ask you to gather info about romance at workplace, consider consequences, and then make your decision. ",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Yes, you want to be valued and appreciated by others. That’s not the problem here. But why should people value and appreciate you ? It cannot be because you are lonely and depressed. If you want to be valued and appreciated, you have to have something respectable to you. What are people going to get out of being with you ? People look to be with somebody who is on average a positive person to be around and who adds some kind of positive value to their lives. They don’t want to be around somebody who has nothing to offer and shows signs of codependency and is begging for any company. | |
| Depression is in general a negative vibe, no matter the cause. But it comes down to how you get yourself together. | |
| It comes down to how you will work on getting it together and execute on the plan. That determines how respectable you are.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Speak with your body not just your mouth. By this I mean don't sit down to talk, don't just flail arms, but really act out what's conversationally happening. Picture this, you enter a party that's just starting, 3 groups of 3 people in different locations around a large room, one group is seated talking quietly, one is standing and speaking almost formally into their drinks, and the the third group are clearly talking about cooking as someone mimes using a mixing bowl. Already the cooking crew seems most engaging and welcoming by sheer activity. So people go to that and those active members are the people who get the most attention throughout the event. | |
| Change vocal tone to match nuances in even short sentences, this is the small scale equivalent and makes even a bad story far more engaging, which is what we're trying to do- engage with people. And most importantly: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything. | |
| Also talk to people primarily about things that they are passionate about, even if you're not fascinated by it. They love this thing and if you take an interest, then you're their favorite person because they get to share their passion with someone and people love doing that. Let people share their loves with you and they will share their love with you. ",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "My advice would be simple ask yourself some question's.. "" what kind of friend you are.. Not what kind of friend any one else is to you but what kind of friend do you see yourself as? | |
| If it were me I would go with my first plan simply because I try to be a person of my word. IF I could find away to include my friend that I made plans with then I would go to the second one. Send birthday card and apology to the other birthday person explain I had previously made plans, but my invitation to their party came too late. | |
| The main goal is to make sure you're honest with everyone | |
| No matter what you choose to do. | |
| But the first friend ""canceling on you several times."" Does not make you canceling OK. If you didn't like it then you shouldn't do it or do it back? Two wrongs don't make a right? Might make it even, still doesn't make it right.. | |
| So, questions to ask yourself? Biggest one, if all of these people were me and I was them how would I feel the best way to handle it is??.. Then imagine you are each one of the people who maybe hurt or angry by your decision. What kind of friend do I see myself as? Am I the kind of friend I look want to have or am I the kind of friend others want to have? Am I an honest friend? Do I have integrity? Is a birthday all about doing what you want? | |
| I can tell you for me? A birthday is nothing, without the people closest to me to share it with.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Instagram has been an overall positive for my social life. I mostly just post pictures to my stories, so that way I don't have to worry about imperfect pictures, since they'll just disappear in 24 hours anyways. I've had a lot of conversations start because of a story I posted or they've posted, so it's brought me closer to a lot of my acquaintances I'm not as close to. And when I meet people in person, it gives an easy conversation starter since I already know something about their life or vice versa. | |
| In terms of insecurity I think that's something you have to figure out. But to be honest, I feel like a lot of people who feel insecure after being on Instagram are already quite insecure, but maybe they're better able to hide it to themselves. If you see someone doing something fun on Instagram, I think the proper reaction is to first be happy for them, and second either figure out how you can do that fun thing yourself, or accept that it's not for you and that that's okay too.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I find it hard to give advice from just your subjective description. I would have to meet you and get my own impression. | |
| But as for the RBF, have you tried practising your smile in the mirror every morning? You think about something that makes you happy, or a person you like, and smile at yourself until you like what you see. Then you feel your face from inside, so you know what a good smile feels like. After a bit of practice, you are able to smile „on command“, i.e. whenever you see someone coming up to you, or looking at you, you can give them your best smile. So they know that when they get to see your RBF at some point, that’s not about them, because you always smile to their face. | |
| RBF can be quite off-putting for people with insecurities (and who isn’t insecure at that age?). If I think you’re angry at me or despise me for some reason, of course I won‘t hang out with you. But you can give people a different impression of you.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "To an extent looks do matter, just as long as you’re not super ugly you will probably have a chance with some girls. If you have a good personality and you’re confident in yourself (not in a narcissistic way) you’ll appear more attractive. Don’t worry about attracting girls but practice self love/self care and be comfortable in your own skin. | |
| The fact that you even thought about paying someone to like you is counterproductive because the people around you seem to be very shallow, so money won’t help you with those people. Sure, you can pay them to like you but they’re just sucking up to you because they’re getting free money but if you do run out of money they’ll disappear in a blink of an eye. | |
| You should pursue your hobbies to get away from those shallow people, and eventually you’ll find someone who will genuinely like you and they won’t ask you for anything (materialistic or to use you) so just wait until the right person comes into your life. | |
| Of course, it won’t happen right away but it’s hard to find someone who will have a deep relationship with someone, especially in our society where people tend to be more selfish. Believe in the universe and it will come to you when the time is right.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "In response to your edit: Well, let's say that your hypothesis about the source of this behavior is correct. Even if they suddenly see me as equal because I asserted myself, there's still the disturbing fact that they think that their looks make them superior to everyone else, and that person just is not worth another moment of my time. The strongest statement you can make against this attitude is outright rejection. A display like the one OP describes really does not merit a second chance, and giving her one would just further legitimize the idea that she can get away with things because of her looks. | |
| Maybe she will change. Radical personal change is certainly possible, but it's far from a sure thing and in my opinion far beyond the scope of a first date. Better to make my feelings on the matter clear and move on. She'll learn, or she won't. If she doesn't there are probably plenty of people who will accept her just the way she is. | |
| It does sound like we're basically in agreement on what we personally would put up with, but unlike you I think that the possibility of someone doing a 180 in their character is very small. In any case, it still wouldn't be advisable for most people to stick around and find out unless looks and status were truly their most important considerations in a partner, and personality was just an added bonus.",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Just remember I'm a healthy, normal (at least I think so) 17 year old guy, and that I still to school. And sorry for my English. | |
| I do have a lot of examples and I can not write them all here, so I will just generalize here. | |
| I have noticed that quite a few of my teachers actually go out of their way to make my life worse as much as they possibly can. I would always tell my parents when something happened with the teachers. So they told me that those teachers probbably have miserable lifes and that they take it out on students, and that they probbably do it to everyone, not just me. So I started paying more attention to what is happening, and I soon realized that it was just me. | |
| Now i will get into just a few exaples just to make a point. | |
| One of my female teachers has accused me of cheating on a test multiple times, and used it as an excues to give me 0%. I can swear that I was not cheating. She only does this when she sees that I have studied and that I will get a good grade, but when she sees that I do not really know much and that I will get a low grade she lets me work normally. But as all this is happening my classmates are blatantly cheating. She even goes around the classroom helping everyone, but not me. | |
| Now if this was only one teacher I could accept it, but in my other class with a female teacher I am always being singled out and humilated, and made fun of if I do not know something. We have 4 rows of desks in the classroom but there is enaugh students to fill only 3 of the 4 rows. So she always forces me to sit in the empty row separated from everyone else. And ocasionaly she would ask me a question and even if I would know the answer she would twist it and say that its wrong and that im dumb. After class I always check in the book and I know for sure that I have answered the question correctly. | |
| And in my gym class, also with a female techer I'm being humilated because im weak. She forces me to do some hard excercises that she know I can not do, while everyone else gets to play basketball. | |
| And finally in my history class with a female tecaher again, I ended up in detention a few times for ""disrupting the class"" while she knows full well that I did not do anything. Everyone around me is talking or texting on their phone and not paying attention, and she always says that it was me who dirupted the class even though I was silent and listening the whole time. | |
| Now my classmates are usually ok to me, but they all avoid me. And I feel like im being judged for some actions differently that if someone else did the same thing. But there were a couple of incidents that happened but I just do not have time to get into those. | |
| School is ususally where evrything happens because I do not have almost any friends, so the only social place for me is school. | |
| Edit: Forgot to mention that I'm usually wuiet and reserved. Maybe a little shy. And that I have no idea what could cause this kind of behaviuor.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "That is correct, but I believe that most people seem to intuitively form the view that the reward of engaging with the non-assholes is outweighed by the risk of incurring the wrath of an asshole and therefore keep quiet. This view may be inaccurate and in fact misinformed by portrayals of psychopaths in popular culture, but it exists. | |
| Of course it is true that this view is selfish, however I think people act this way for reasons of self preservation, whereas assholes exploit social awkwardness for self advancement. | |
| I find it difficult to criticise selfishness for the sake of self preservation, hence I try to not condemn other members of society when they abandon me.",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "lol anyone who has to say the phrase ""Actually I'm pretty fucking awesome"" is definitely not pretty fucking awesome. | |
| It sounds to me like you need some serious help. I doubt you'll take my advice, but therapy can do wonders, if not just finding someone you trust to talk to. Wallowing in your own self-pity won't make you any better, and it wont make women like you anymore. Besides, you already said your last GF pitied you and that pissed you off, so dont pity yourself. | |
| Clearly you have bigger problems than just bad luck with some long-term relationships, but its up to you to look deep inside yourself to find what those things are. Seeking professional help is a good way to find out how to start. | |
| This is all assuming you aren't just a troll saying shit to get a rise out of people.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Having multiple vdevs in the main pool can greatly impact your NAS's performance and protection, albeit with some potential drawbacks. Here are the pros and cons of using such an arrangement: | |
| Pros: | |
| 1. Improved I/O Performance: Multiple vdevs work in parallel, which means I/O operations are distributed across all vdevs, increasing overall throughput and performance. This can be particularly helpful for demanding workloads or large, concurrent data access. | |
| 2. Faster Array Rebuild Time: Mirrored vdevs offer significantly faster rebuild times compared to RAIDZ configurations, which minimizes the time your NAS system is susceptible to data loss from an additional failed disk. | |
| 3. Flexibility: Using multiple vdevs allows you to mix and match disk sizes, maximize storage efficiency, and add or replace drives in a specific vdev as needed. This modular approach caters to upgrading or expanding your storage capacity over time more conveniently. | |
| 4. Enhanced Redundancy: Mirrored vdevs provide full redundancy, ensuring your data's protection even if a disk fails. This supports reliability and minimizes the risk of data loss for your most important assets. | |
| Cons: | |
| 1. Reduced Space Efficiency: Mirrored vdevs can be less space-efficient as compared to RAIDZ configurations since each vdev stores complete duplicates of data on separate drives. This may lead to a larger number of drives being needed for the same storage capacity, potentially increasing cost. | |
| 2. Complex Management: Having multiple vdevs can make managing your NAS slightly more complex, especially when it comes to monitoring, maintenance, and drive replacements. Ensuring data is balanced across the vdevs also becomes a vital task to ensure optimal performance. | |
| 3. Limited Failure Protection per vdev: While mirrored vdevs provide redundancy for a single disk failure within each vdev, they do not protect against multiple simultaneous disk failures within the same vdev. In such cases, data loss may occur. | |
| In summary, having multiple mirrored vdevs in the main pool can improve data redundancy, performance, and flexibility. However, it may come at the cost of reduced space efficiency, slightly more complex management, and limited failure protection per vdev. Carefully consider your specific use case, priority of data protection, and capacity requirements to determine if this configuration is suitable for your NAS system.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I think there are two possibilities of what you’re doing wrong here. Either you’re construing the common friendly teasing and insults that characterize many friendships as much more mean spirited than it is, or you’re not picking the right friends. Either way, it’s probably time to have a talk with these friends to both divine their intent in relation to their picking on you (preferably in one on one situations). Their reaction will clue you in to which possibility is the more likely, At that point I would advise to cut ties with friends that are mean spirited or refuse to stop putting you down in a manner you don’t enjoy or appreciate, while enjoying the friendship of those who are respectful of your requests. If you’re afraid you won’t find more friends I will refer you to the many posts on this sub with advice in relation to making friends. Good luck!",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I’m so sorry that anyone would childish. Especially at an event known for love, support & everyone there knowing what it’s like to be ridiculed, bullied, or made feel bad about themselves in general. There’s no reason someone going alone somewhere is strange. It’s not like you booked an couples massage for your imaginary partner. Imo they are jealous of your confidence. Some instead of seeing it as inspiration would rather try to make you feel bad about yourself because they’re unhappy with their life. Karma is a bitch & God doesn’t like ugly. You will be the one with the last laugh! Guaranteed! Hold your head high! 🖕 up to anyone that gets joy out of hurting someone’s feelings!",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Sure, here is a passage about science fiction: | |
| Science fiction is a genre of speculative fiction that deals with imaginative and futuristic concepts, such as advanced science and technology, space exploration, time travel, parallel universes, and extraterrestrial life. Science fiction often explores the potential consequences of scientific and other innovations, and has been referred to as a ""literature of ideas."" | |
| The roots of science fiction can be traced back to ancient mythology, but the genre really began to take shape during the 19th century, when writers like Jules Verne and H.G. Wells published their groundbreaking novels. These writers imagined fantastic devices and technologies like submarines, flying machines, and time machines, and took readers on journeys that transcended the limits of our reality. | |
| Over time, science fiction has evolved to reflect the changing times and concerns of society. In the 1950s and 60s, for example, science fiction stories often focused on the dangers of nuclear war and the impact of advanced technology on human society. Meanwhile, space exploration and the possibility of extraterrestrial life became a major theme in much of the science fiction produced during the Cold War era. | |
| In recent years, science fiction has continued to explore new frontiers and tackle some of the biggest questions facing humanity today. The genre continues to offer new ways of seeing our world and exploring the possibilities of what the future might hold. | |
| Science fiction has expanded beyond simply books as well – it has permeated films, television shows, video games, comic books, and other popular media, allowing fans to immerse themselves in their favorite futuristic worlds and stories. Science fiction has also inspired many real-world inventions and ideas, from the development of the communications satellite to the concept of the Internet. | |
| Despite the many differences between these works, they share in common an imaginative, speculative approach to imagining new worlds, technologies, and possibilities. Whether exploring what the world might be like thousands of years from now, or contemplating the implications of genetic engineering or virtual reality, science fiction encourages us to see the world in new and different ways.",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "That sounds extremely frustrating. Maybe your case is different from most cases, because for me fir example, going new places and being open to new experiences works wonders for acquiring new friends. I do have periods where I feel closer and periods where I feel less close to my friends though. I'm sadly an ""out of sight, out of mind"" person with a lot of things. But when I get an unexpected message from a friend, it makes me very happy! | |
| There's got to be a reason why you can't make friends even though you have no problems socializing. Is there anyone you can ask? Family member, partner, class mates or one of the acquaintances? | |
| It may be something you don't even realize, maybe something as concrete and fixable as bad breath, maybe something more abstract like a personality trait or a vibe.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "First of all stop calling yourself boring. The more you say it the more your brain will believe you. | |
| Look at it this way- you're saying you don't have enough knowledge about things to conversate with others, so, start CRAVING knowledge! Don't be afraid of it! | |
| Second thing is ""No Snapchat -- and too fixed in my personality to suddenly change now"". You don't have to get Snapchat (I personally don't like it) but your approach is wrong. Trying new things is so refreshing and it lightens you up. It makes your personality become less stiff and more easy going. | |
| So you don't want Snapchat, that's fine, I made you a list of new things you can start opening up to: | |
| Start reading news around the world (not just your own country's) | |
| Read interesting books about real things (not just mysteries, but about psychology, sociology, history, economy, business, politics, classical music, etc.) | |
| Take a fun class and get good at it- hobby or knowledge (there are SO many options here- photography, martial arts, drums, design, etc.) | |
| Go on a backpacking trip for a few months (not ideal for everyone but I know many people that worked hard for a year to save and go on a 6 month to a year trip in either South America, Asia, Europe, etc...) Traveling really does open your mind and perspective to the world and other cultures, it forces you to interact with strangers daily, and I'm not talking a one or two week cruise to the Carribeans... | |
| Listen to new podcasts outside of your comfort zone (and then read further on topics that intrigued you) | |
| Learn a new language (it stimulates your brain, and you'll be able to communicate to a whole other world you didn't know existed) | |
| Learn about interesting people that have added positivity to the world, or that you are intrigued about (Open Wikipedia- you can learn something from everyone) | |
| Watch movies that will teach you new things about real events, or independent movies that are different and quirky (there are so many) | |
| Go to museums (don't make a face and think of it as something your parents forced you to do when you were young and unappreciative, go and discover new things! Get interested about it! You don't have to go through the whole museum every time, do sections) | |
| Go to comedy clubs, shows, concerts (live performances are awesome) | |
| Trust me, after doing some of these you'll never have another silent car ride with anyone again. | |
| Now when you're in a situation just whip out the: ""Hey did you know that...?"" Or ""Have you ever done/seen...."" and teach away! Everyone wants to learn something new and interesting and if you're the one that can teach it to them then, enjoy and pass on the knowledge! | |
| ",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I set out on a similar journey of self-improvement with naive ideas about how I would transform myself: I thought that if I could challenge my inhibitions, confront my fears, and put myself in uncomfortable situations, I'd go from virtual recluse to social butterfly. | |
| Despite taking up volunteer work, making new friends, and generally altering my insular lifestyle, I haven't made the sort of progress I envisaged. I'm not content. I lack confidence. I still suffer the mind-blanks of social anxiety. | |
| However, confronting my limitations has been somewhat liberating. I've started to balance ideas of self-improvement with feelings of self-acceptance. I've become more pragmatic about moving towards what it is I actually want; as opposed to trying to meet vague ideals of what I thought it meant to be a socially competent adult. | |
| There are still days when I beat myself up about being unable to communicate--or, if I let good routine slip--but when I look back on my previous situation, I can't deny the progress I've made: I've found the motivation to study; I no longer avoid social commitments or uncomfortable errands; I can make a little small talk with new people. | |
| It sounds like you've made a great deal more tangible progress than I have. It doesn't sound like 5 years wasted. Perhaps your laser-focus on self-improvement just keeps shifting the parameters of your dissatisfaction. Attitude is everything; although, it's so hard to change. | |
| Do you really move around so often to ""mix things up"", or is it disappointment in not having forged the connections you'd like, leading you to give somewhere else a whirl? Are you collecting hobbies to conform to your ideal of what makes someone interesting, or do you derive genuine enjoyment from them? | |
| I can't pretend to know what your situation is really like, but it sounds to me like you're putting the same kind of pressure on yourself to conform that I was. Moving forward, you could try being a little more sympathetic to yourself, enumerate your achievements (it's no mean feat to put yourself out there and keep getting into situations that make you uncomfortable), and be honest about what you actually want/enjoy.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I think a person should try to be pretty much the same person with their friends as they are with potential dates. Not that you should totally let your hair down when you don't know someone well yet, but don't change your behavior to be someone you think they'd like. If someone doesn't like something about who you are, then either they'll find it out eventually, or you'll be stuck acting fake every time you're around them. It's easier to just be yourself and let people who don't like you weed themselves out. | |
| That said, IDK how old you are/where you live, but to me ""kek"" would be a red flag that someone is very right-wing (definitely a dealbreaker for me personally). If you are right-wing, you're probably looking for a gf who's cool with that, but if not, it might be a good idea to avoid sending that kind of signal.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "After all what you've said, its going to be extremely difficult to stop writing. You have also, | |
| inspired me in a way. I do write stories, but I usually never finish them, I suspect because of the same reason as you although you never disclosed it. I always stop half way throughy novels, after telling my idea to someone else, and always hearing the same reaction: ""that's cool!"" with a very apathic voice. | |
| Hearing people laugh at me has always been discouraging, but hearing that you went through the same problem when writing has cleared my mind, every human goes through the same problems, we are more than 8 billion and the story for each one of us always repeats itself | |
| The difference between us is how we confront the problems. Thanks to your response, I will never stop writing.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I don’t know if anyone has told you this. But you’re allowed to leave. | |
| If you can’t stand sitting with your crush at lunch, get up and find someone else to talk to, escape into a book, visit the library. | |
| Unless you’ve been told you absolutely have to stay put, you can remove yourself. It’s going to be fine. | |
| This goes for the rest of the world - there are often consequences to all of our actions, so it’s up to you to learn to weigh the options | |
| But no one would want to make you stay at lunch, miserable and terrified.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "It's really great that you have kept up a lot of social involvement so that you have some active social skills! | |
| I'm getting that you were socially active and you are good at some socializing but not others, but it's not very clear where the dividing line is exactly. | |
| You're fine with initiating the conversation but it doesn't continue | |
| you're bad at one on one (except for initiating?) | |
| When you were a contact tracer, did those conversations go well or not? | |
| What does ""no one feels my emotions"" mean? Do they find you to be emotionally flat? Do they misunderstand/misread your emotions to something completely different? Are you expecting people to be more empathic than they are? | |
| In what way do people tend to misunderstand you? | |
| Why do you get headaches? (We can gather that it's from the difficulty, but it's still not totally clear what exactly the difficulty is.) | |
| I'm wondering if the disorganized kind of communication in this post is representative of the same problem you have conversing with people... | |
| I'm still not sure what the solution is. Sometimes it can be a non-neurotypical issue. There's a wide range of possibilities there. One that often is forgotten actually is head injuries, well then similarly there's also excessive stress, severe insomnia, substance overuse. Even if some of these things were awhile ago but not long enough for a full recovery. | |
| I had a roughly similar period after I had a baby. Lots of extreme sleep deprivation (many causes), very little time around adults besides my spouse, and constantly being interrupted by baby/toddler, also having to watch the kid carefully because of the constant head-bonking. I was lucky if I could get two connected sentences out. And every now and then I'd make an epic, yet borderline nonsensical faux-pas. | |
| Sometimes it can be worth seeing a doctor, asking questions. Pick up 'rocks' and see what's underneath them. Might not be exactly what you expect, there might not be a precise diagnosis, but if you get enough helpful results, hey, you're better off. I actually recommend finding a decent Naturopathic Doctor as well. Most of their treatments are actually based on modern scientific research, but they cover a lot of territory where there are gaps in the practice of allopathic medicine (lifestyle changes for example). Definitely keep your BS detector with you and turned on, but it's another professional to help figure this out, who should be more used to seemingly unconventional symptoms.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Araneas Texture Design: | |
| 1. Normal: Araneas' default expression will showcase her fierce nature. She will have green eyes with red pupils, surrounded by smaller red orbs that resemble the eyes of spiders. Her dark purple clothing, made from thick, non-transparent silk, will be intricately crafted and immune to any damage, even fire. A prominent neck bracer will give the appearance of a broken neck. Long hair with large pigtails, adorned with green orbs, and noticeable bloodstains on her face, clothing, hair, and the knife in her right hand reinforce Araneas' formidable and fearsome image. | |
| 2. Happy: For her happy texture, Araneas' red pupils will widen slightly, and her mouth will display a subtle, menacing smile. The green orbs in her hair will glow with a more vibrant hue, suggesting excitement. | |
| 3. Sad: The sad texture will feature Araneas' eyes downcast and her red pupils smaller. Her overall facial expression will be somber, and the green orbs in her hair will emit a dimmer light, reflecting her sorrowful mood. | |
| 4. Shy: In this shy texture, Araneas' eyes will slightly look away, avoiding direct contact. Her smaller red pupils and the green orbs in her hair will have a faint blush hue to represent her timid emotions. | |
| 5. Tired: The tired texture will display Araneas with droopy eyes and half-open red pupils. Her green orbs will have a dimmer glow, and her hair might appear more disheveled, reflecting her physical and emotional exhaustion. | |
| 6. Angry: Araneas' angry texture will show her red pupils narrowed, reflecting her rage. The green orbs in her hair will emit an intense, pulsating glow. Her facial expression will be fierce, reinforced by the bloodstains and the grip on the knife in her right hand tightening. | |
| Araneas, the Arachnarch, wears her emotions clearly through these six texture variations. The choice of colors, including dark purple clothing and red eyes, combined with intricate design details like her hair, bloodstains, and the knife, captures her unique character and her ever-changing moods. These textures will bring Araneas to life as she traverses Everdawn alongside her cherished sisters.",absolutist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",False | |
| "As a college student, I think that the movie ""Gandhi"" does an excellent job of enhancing and bringing to life the historical events surrounding Mahatma Gandhi's life in India. Through visually stunning scenes, the film portrays historical events such as the Amritsar Massacre, Gandhi's Salt March, and his hunger strikes in prison in ways that allow viewers to experience the brutality and importance of these events. | |
| However, while the film does an excellent job of bringing historical events to life, historians should ask several critical questions when viewing historical films to determine whether they add to our understanding of the past in meaningful and accurate ways. For example, historians should consider the accuracy of the events and the historical figures portrayed, as well as the broader political, cultural and social contexts in which the events took place. | |
| Historians should also consider any biases or historical inaccuracies that may influence the film's interpretation of events, and they should critically evaluate the film's overall historical significance or cultural impact. | |
| Overall, the movie, ""Gandhi,"" is a powerful and memorable portrayal of significant events in Indian history, and it does an exceptional job of enhancing our understanding of the past through visual storytelling. However, if we want to use historical films as sources to understand the past, we must examine them critically and thoroughly, just as we would any other historical source.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Be real. | |
| Nobody is that nice all the time. You're doing it in order to win approval - this is not what you're normally like. If you had a mask on where nobody recognised you ever and you were free to do whatever you like without consequence, how would you act? Would you be nice to the guy who just called you a faggot? Would be horrible to somebody being a decent human being? Would you call somebody out who is clearly being a massive hypocrite? | |
| Think about how you would act if there were no consequences. This is the real you and not the super nice guy that you currently are.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "You're failing at self compassion right now. You see yourself as goofy because of the judgements you've heard from others. This is not the way. Pay no mind to what others think, and define yourself from the inside out. There is no one way you should be, there is only the way you are, and it is something you must learn to accept and live with. There is no changing who you are, but there is changing the way you think of yourself and it starts from within. Be kind to yourself. You are you; you are not weird, you are worthy of being treated with respect and dignity, and you deserve only love from yourself. You must speak to yourself kindly, forgive yourself for the things you judge to be negative, and move forward. | |
| If there are things you would like to improve about yourself, then you want to improve those things because of what you value. Take some time to think about how you would like to improve, and try to discern what it is you value that you are seeking from that improvement. From there, you can make the call on whether that thing you value is actually of value to you. If it is not, abandon it, if it is, the work towards it incrementally, but don't beat yourself up for failures or drawbacks. Learn and move forward. | |
| Again, you are worthy of respect and love. You are uniquely you, and it does you no good to judge yourself negatively for things you cannot change. You can positively affect how you feel, and it starts by accepting and loving yourself for all of your strengths AND your weaknesses plusses, and minuses, etc.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I agree with this. I’m a hugger but I also absolutely hate invasion of my personal space. Whom I’m hugging matters becuz I almost exclusively hug only closer friends and get anxious if anyone else gets too close to me. | |
| Chances are her body language would’ve given some sort of hint about her level of comfort with you in terms of physical contact. If she’s cool with high fives or shoulder hugs (the kind with one arm around the shoulders of the other person briefly for a small squeeze) from you she’s more likely to accept a hug from you. | |
| In any case, you can open your arms slightly outwards (for a hug) and see how she reacts. If she’s comfortable with hugging you the space between you shouldn’t be significant (think of it as whether you can fit a pillow between your stomachs lol) | |
| Oh yeah if she looks very happy to see you, def go ahead and try. If she gives a confused look when you open your arms, say sth light like “Just wanted a hug from a friend” and that should clear things up.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "To “just be yourself” means you do whatever the hell you want to do. You say what you think, you do what you want and when you want, you wear what you want, and you don’t allow anyone to bully you or make you feel weak, also talk to anyone you want. | |
| Also you should do your work! It gets you respect from your peers and your teachers and also you’ll be put in to classes with better people. Extremely helpful if you can find a hobby or sport to do outside of school also. | |
| The main thing is being strong. Also trust that your peers and teachers will guide you. Allow life to humble you. | |
| It might feel weird at first, but to be yourself you need to be able to do whatever you want. It helps to do it in a safe environment which is why I suggested taking up a sport but hey... you do whatever you want. Because if you want to do something, then you’ll do it WELL and you’ll ENJOY it and no one can take that from you. People will respect you, you’ll make friends that love you and see the strength in you. | |
| Changing your personality like your doing right now will work, but it won’t work forever and people will see through it eventually. But honestly... if you want to keep doing that, you can! Right now that’s your coping mechanism. Ask yourself what it would look like to do whatever you wanted. It might be ugly.... (don’t do anything to deliberately hurt anyone, I’m giving you this advice with the hope that you have good morals). But go for it anyway. That’s called being brave!",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "To add to this - you're so young. You have so much time ahead of you. Now is the time to develop your identity as an individual; find out who you are on your own and solidify that. Work on strengthening your friendships and communications with family. It's good practice for being a good partner. Of course it may be lonely sometimes, but trust me, you're not alone in feeling that way. | |
| In my experience, the best long-term partners are those built on a solid foundation of friendship (the kind with more sexually charged banter than a platonic friendship, obviously) and/or connections made when you are absolutely not looking for them, as totally cliche as that is. The good ones take a long time to develop. Also, I believe being ""hit and quit,"" so to speak, has little to no bearing on your romantic/sexual capabilities.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I can't give you good advice, since I'm no psychologist and would probably make things worse for you, but I can tell you about my situation. I'm quite open and socially skilled (however an introvert). I have been losing hope in people lately (I can only trust myself, no one will ever help me etc). I changed my approach to people after a party a few weeks ago. I got veeery drunk and opened up like never before. I remember talking about my deepest problems and philosophical questions. I totally felt like I was talking to a wall (in a good way, like I didn't care what these strangers would think about me). The day after, I received many compliments about how smart and open-minded I am. I started talking to people like to NPCs (non playable characters or sth like that). I absolutely changed my approach and started being more open. | |
| I'm not saying getting drunk and not caring is the way, but people probably see you better than you see yourself and they've got enough of their own problems, so they won't be really concerned about yours. | |
| Anyways, that's my story. In no way am I advising you to do the same, since it worked for me by some miracle :)",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "I've always felt similar to you in regards to the anxiety, and the feeling that people will for some reason think you're stupid or that you will embarrass yourself as a result of something you did or said. So I used to just do nothing and be quiet around new people, and even people I knew for forever. I still sometimes am quite quiet around people. | |
| Just recently I've thought about people who I can be open with, such as my parents and sister, or co-workers and a couple of best friends since I was very young, and they don't think I'm weird or at least not that weird haha. They are just regular people, same as the new ones you always meet, and they like me. So recently I've been trying to not view new people as someone you need to impress or even hide my quirks from because they have quirks too that they are probably worried about. So my best advice is to just say whatever around people you already know you don't have to impress, and don't second guess yourself. Then after look back and pat yourself on the back for just being, then slowly start doing it with random people as well. That's how I've been working on it, and I'm still very much a work in progress but it's working. | |
| As far as wearing what you want, I'd try just doing yourself up all nice once a week. I'd bet you will get compliments. No one is going to say mean things to you or even think anything other than that you dressed up more than usual. | |
| I hope I help at least somewhat, I've not post in /r/socialskills before",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "One.Make it clear to your female friends that you have a girlfriend and go up to them in her presence. A guy without a girlfriend looks like someone trying to hit on you. A guy with a girlfriend looks like someone finding a friend - unless... | |
| Two. Unlike the other person here, I suggest *don't* go out of your way to make friends with your girlfriend's friends. Why would someone wish to spend an inordinate amount of time with another person of the opposite sex in the same group if they had a girlfriend? It looks suspicious. Introduce *your* girlfriend until *she* becomes friends with *them*. | |
| Three. Don't try to befriend ""hot"" women or socialites. If you wander up nervously to someone who looks as attractive if not hotter than your girlfriend, what are people going to think? Focus on finding someone who people know is going to be a friend; for example, if your girlfriend is twenty and you're 25, you could befriend someone aged 35 or 40.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "People grow and change with time and effort. | |
| I am a largely different person then high school due to some great personal tragedy. | |
| I'll spare you the details, but at the time I didn't care about school or the people there. I was a loner and girls never ever liked me. | |
| I got tired of that however and flipped the switch, trying really hard to be charismatic and I found friends and girlfriends. | |
| In fact, as an introvert, I was somewhat overloaded with the two and realized that I feel drained if I spend so much time with other people. | |
| Everyone has a balance and you will have yours to find too. | |
| Absolutely nobody that I met in my actual high school, good or bad, has any presence in my life currently (and I'm in University so the time span isn't that different). | |
| The relationships I formed are fond memories or mistakes to learn from. | |
| If you form some really good friendships then they will probably persist. | |
| High school is a time to grow and find out more about yourself and what you want in life. | |
| Most teenagers make mistakes, and I was quite likely the king of mistakes, but I'm in a better place because I kept trying (and failing with the occasional success lol). | |
| Just keep going and try to treat people in a respectable manner and you'll be good bro. | |
| ",evaluativist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",False | |
| "Why do you hate your family? | |
| Don't you realize that they take care of you? They provided a roof over your head, gave you food and clothing. Paid for your health insurance, dental insurance, and possibly car insurance. They even paid for your college tuition. They WORKED hard in order to provide you a better lifestyle. You should not take your family for granted and you should stop hating them. Just think of it like this. A family is there to support you when you don't have no where to go. | |
| AS for friends. They come and go...it's totally understandable to hate them. Making friends is all trial and error. That's just how life is. | |
| Do you have a passion or hobby? If so, then why not befriend people of similar interests. If you're in college then join some clubs, form a study group, just go out there and meet people. There's a billion people in this world. Go nuts. Be crazy. Enjoy your youth. Experiment, go to bars, drive late nights. | |
| Have fun!",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Others will believe you're worth what you think you're worth. Your belief is that you're not worthy, and so you self-sabotage and create situations that prove this belief to yourself. Just like you're doing right now. Because of your pride, and desire to be right, and fear of change. It makes you feel safe to be a victim. It's comfy. | |
| Your belief that you'll be forever alone if you are authentically yourself once again shows that you don't value yourself. If you don't value yourself, other won't value you. And so it creates a perpetual cycle of reaching out and being try-hard, not valuing yourself, acting in ways that turn people off, and then strengthening your self-sabotaging belief system. You can reach out without being a people-pleaser. You just play the numbers game and see who connects with you.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "Firstly, I'd like to say that meek is the one, that can keep his will, his strenght, under pressure. it means to be able to do but choosing not to. So, if you consider yourself meek you should be happy, as it defines you as being patient and powerful. Don't haste to be foolish in your actions. For if you would have been raised differently, you'd be missing out on different things in life. Manners are hard to keep and easy to loose. If you feel like you are unheard, or have trouble speaking your mind, I'd suggest keeping your character intact, instead of acting out of the ordinary, take pride in yourself and make your manners uplift your charisma. Being well mannered is not a trait, it is a mastery. Truthfully, if you've got problems with being too quiet, when you feel like speaking. Or you are too timid in opportunities of courage, the problems lies not in your manners, but in your devotion to speak and act for yourself. The first, easiest, and yet most important thing to fix this problem, is to be able to accept the way you've dealt with such situations in the past. You must understand, that is was not your manners that kept you from talking, it was just your decision, not to talk, yet. It is, however up to you and you only if what you wanted to say, is worthy of saying. Even then, Silence is a powerful tool. | |
| Hopefully you will find the answers you desire. Good luck.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "> A lot of women were never taught about the culture of shaking hands because no one thought of them as a person who would grow up to be treated as an equal. | |
| I'm sure this sounded very cool in your head, but it's completely bullshit, plain and simple. | |
| Simply put, nobody gets taught how to shake hands. You think males have some sort of secret club where they meet and get told that stuff by some ancient ""super patriarch"" or something like that? | |
| No. Males that start working at 19-20 simply suck at shaking hand. But the difference is, they get made fun of by the boss on the very first time this happens. This doesn't even happen always, for better or worse. | |
| Meanwhile no boss/coworker would make fun of a woman for the same stuff.",absolutist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",True | |
| "A) relatively true for neurotypical, sighted and hearing population. So much relies on unspoken things like judgements based on what people see or how they think you use your voice. | |
| Obviously, those exceptions... As a literally-minded individual, I will hear those 7% aka the exact words you used and focus on those. | |
| Facial expressions don't matter when you can't see that well. | |
| ""Tone of voice"" isn't also always applicable: so much depends on other things, such as how one is expected to sound like when speaking, based on their language, gender, age, geographical location etc. I have huge difficulties in trying to decipher that ""how someone is saying it"" thing when native US English speaking women talk. I understand the words of what they say, but usually not much of how/what's behind the words - and even less in what they actually want to say. Since there are also huge differencies in the literalness and directness of communication styles between people. Women in US seem to be very inclined to indirect, veiled communication styles. Even more difficult if they have worked or been trained in customer service skills. So their voice is a mask, when it *sounds* positive because just like clean nails and a fancy hairdo, it's just part of what is expected. | |
| B) sure, it helps. | |
| Practice, practice. | |
| I love when people use their personality, and reveal something interesting or vulnerable about themselves when they speak to audiences, whether a few people or a larger crowd. | |
| Learn to use your voice to make it show that you care, are listening, and aren't just fake. | |
| Smile. Look generally in the direction of the people you talk to or listen to. The exact amount and styles of eye contact are culture-dependent, and Americans seem to just obsess about the eye contact thing. I don't care which way you look or if you even keep your eyes open when chatting with me, but I can hear from your voice (as posture and direction of voice are easy to notice) if you're eyeing your phone and didn't hear what was said earlier in the conversation.",evaluativist,multiplist,"{""stance"": ""multiplist"", ""confidence"": ""high""}",False | |
| "You’ve gotten a lot of great advice on how to set boundaries and stick to them in a respectful way! I’ll touch on something else that has helped me, though I’m still learning every day. | |
| Why are people being insensitive toward you? Is it because they have malicious intentions? Are they communicating in a blunt way due to their culture/upbringing, where their communication style may be the norm? Are they asking for something specific from you but unable to communicate it? Are they mad about something you did before and harbor resentment from that unresolved situation? I do think some people are assholes, but I also believe most people aren’t thinking that deeply about what they’re doing. What happens is that, if someone is acting in a way you perceive as rude and you get defensive (“sensitive”) immediately, it puts them in a defensive position too and they wont listen whatsoever when you ask them to stop. If you react negatively, so will they. | |
| To avoid that, you have to step outside of yourself and approach the conversation with them as if you trust that they have good intentions. Ask them directly, “am I misunderstanding right now or are you mad at me.” “The tone you’re using sounds a bit aggressive, am I correct?” “You Turing to get my attention right now feels disrespectful since I’m watching TV. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but are you aware that it seems disrespectful to me?” | |
| These questions seem really aggressive lol but honestly I’ve cleared up a lot of animosity with people by 1. Pointing out their behavior, 2. Saying assumptions I’m making based on the behavior, and 3. Giving them the benefit of the doubt and making it clear I’m trying not to jump to conclusions. | |
| Since I started approaching my feelings with people from this perspective (that I have NO idea what happens in someone’s head and should not project my behaviors onto them), I’ve had much healthier interactions with people. I also ask people around me regularly if there is anything they wanna ask or tell me about my actions or reactions, because I know that confrontation is uncomfortable. | |
| The other comments are helpful when it comes to like....true assholes, who will continue to be assholes lol. But honestly, most people that you find insensitive toward you, are not trying to get under your skin or make you feel bad. Those people deserve a chance to be made aware of their behavior and how you’re interpreting it, and after they explain themselves, you may learn over time to see beyond the seemingly insensitive things people do and just see them as....who they are, plain and simple. | |
| ** but again, if someone’s actually horrible to you, follow the other advice here. I’ve snapped at a few people for being rude repeatedly. There are limits to acceptable behavior.",evaluativist,evaluativist,"{""stance"": ""evaluativist"", ""confidence"": ""high""}",True | |
| "Hi @musethr - This was a long story and I, admittedly, skimmed through so I don't think you'll need to put more story details. :) However, a quick summary of characters and requested advice would help! Something like: | |
| - Sharon - Talks a lot, nothing in common with me, has weird bromance with Cheryl, etc. | |
| - Cheryl - Talks a little, different school, staying in city for college, etc. | |
| - Amy -Talks a lot, same school, leaving for college, often ignores me, but we're close (?), etc. | |
| - Me - Talks little, staying in city for college, feels like a 4th wheel, etc. | |
| Specific advice: | |
| - How to establish deeper friendships? | |
| - How to interact more in any group? | |
| - How to interact more with THIS group? | |
| - Should you start over with new friends (clean break)? etc?",evaluativist,absolutist,"{""stance"": ""absolutist"", ""confidence"": ""medium""}",False | |