Title,Post Text,Theme 1,Theme 2,Theme 3,Theme 4,Theme 5,Perspective, How do I deal with the awkwardness between me (M21) and my stepmom when I come home from college?,"Context: my dad and my stepmom have been married since 2014, dating since 2010ish. Bio parents divorced in 2008. Even when I was young, me and my stepmom were never particularly close. In the almost 13 years since I've known her, she has never picked me (or my younger brother) up from school, cooked us a meal, asked about our personal interests/hobbies, etc. She's always just been my dad's partner. Nothing more, nothing less. It also doesn't help that growing up, I would always (unintentionally) stumble upon text exchanges between her and my dad/her friends talking poorly about me and my brother (the glow from phone screens in the car always cast a surprisingly vivid and legible reflection on surrounding windows at night). For instance, I remember one time when I was in middle school, my dad texted SM that he was going to make spaghetti for dinner (at me and my brother's request). Her response was: ""Your kids always win."" Though I don't actively resent her (we don't even interact enough for that to be an option), I think a part of me will always feel detached from her. Since moving out for college, I stay in my own apartment where I live alone, but live close enough to home where I drive back to visit my bio mom, grandparents, and dad pretty consistently (occasional weekends, holiday breaks, etc.). Because I don't see SM as often, things are especially cold whenever I return home to my dad's. Neither of us greet each other when seeing one another, and neither of us say goodbye when one of us leaves. I only engage with my dad, with whom I have a great relationship with, but feel helpless whenever he is gone and it's just me and SM at the table, in a room, etc. I recognize that I should be the bigger person and try to be cordial to her for his sake, but I just can't bring myself to do it. It physically makes me anxious. I'm positive my dad is aware of the lack of relationship my brother and I have with SM, but I think at this point he knows it's too late to fix and would rather not say anything about it. At this point, my anxiety surrounding the situation has gotten so bad that I dread going to visit my dad (which I hate, because I love my dad). When I do stay at his house, I always wait inside my room until my father and his wife leave the dining area before I go out and cook food for myself (even if I'm starving). To be frank, I don't think things will ever be resolved between me and my SM, and I'm ok with that. At this point, I'm just asking for advice on how to manage my emotions and stay sane when I go over to my dad's house.",Unloving step mom,Passive Father,Doesn't feel at home at dad's house,,,Step child, my SD has never loved me and idk why.,"hey guys, but of a vent here, but also looking for some advice. tws for eating disorders mentioned the caption says it all really. i’ve known my stepdad (64) since i’ve (nb, 18) been 2/3 years old, and he’s been in my life since my earliest memories. i also have a sibling, 18 months younger than me, from my mum (41) and dad (45) when they were together. i’ve tried so hard to get him to love me, it’s insane. he’s just always had it out for me, you know ? he didn’t get the “burden” of kids out of the blue, he has 2 sons and a daughter of his own (the eldest, 30, im very close w) so it’s not like he’s new to this experience. i know most people have ups and downs with their families- especially step- but this is different. he’s always hated me. ever since god, 6 or 7 ? i can remember him commenting on my body. my weight specifically. how i needed to slim down. stop eating. do more exercise. this- as a bullied child at school, hearing the exact same thing from classmates- has sent me into a restrictive eating disorder that i still have today. when id be a teen and just say stupid shit at 12-15 years old, he would slander me for it. call me stupid. say that it’s the reason why im failing. call my brain lazy, call me lazy. comment on me having no friends because i say these stupid things. i cannot remember the last time he said happy birthday to me. i cannot remember the last time we had a genuine, proper conversation that didn’t revolve around housework and chores- and there’s plenty that he could talk about with me. i studied media for 2 years- he owns a media company- not once did he ever give me exam advice, help with homework, talk about media in general with me. id ask, sure, but i’d get a grunt or just a blatant ignoring. i’ve tried everything i can to just win over his love, and it’s impossible. this father’s day i got him flowers. he likes gardening so i thought it’s check out. i got home from work, greeted him with happy father’s day, held out the flowers and he just… walked off. i’ve sat there and cried for his love. i’ve cried for him to care for me. my mums seen me cry for him to care. my mums cried with me, for him to just care, and he doesn’t. even my eldest brother has tried begging him for him to care and look after me. he says how i’m not his problem and i’m lucky enough to have his finances spent on me. he called me a financial burden on my 14th birthday. i asked him why he doesn’t want to talk to me or care for me, and he told me it’s because i’m not his kid so why should he bother. i even asked for him to adopt me at one point, because maybe it’ll change things. maybe it would make me more his kid, but he said it wouldn’t and it never will. it’s heartbreaking. he can care enough for my half sister (9)- my mum and SD’d kid- so so easily. but just not for me. i want him to so bad, i wish he loved me. i just do not know how much longer i can try for edit: i can see how this post may make my mum come across as abusive. for the most part, she isn’t. emotionally, she’s been a single mother to 2 mentally ill + autistic kids since the age of 21- she’s tried her absolute hardest. sure, there’s been massive massive ups and downs but we aren’t normal kids and she hasn’t had the emotional help she’s needed. i was looking to move into my own place but at 18 and on minimum wage for my age it’s not easy at all to support myself, as well as being in full time education which costs me £60 a week just to get to via train, not even including food, drink and other finances once i’m there",Unloving step dad (some times verbally abusive),Step daughter seeking to win stepdad's love,Mom with mental health challenges,Passive Mother,,Step child, I feel so unloved in my stepparents (and bio dads) life,"I live with my bio dad, my step mom, and her 5 bio kids. I often feel like an after thought. I get it, of course I won’t be the priority to my step mother’s life, and I don’t resent her for it. But I’m never really thought about. One of the bio kids is my older step sister (I love her dearly, she’s generally nice to me and we get along just fine) got her permit when she turned 16, and I was told i’d get mine a year later when I turned 16, but it never happened. In fact, she(my step mom) refuses to teach me how to drive simply because she’s not my biological mother. She refuses to do a lot of things for me because of that reason. What I need is often put last. I’m a senior in high-school and my dad refuses to fill out federal aid and my step mom said she’d help but she hasn’t. I need my cap and gown and I haven’t gotten it. I had to get my own job so I could pay for things like college applications and tests. By bio dad isn’t much better. He does the same things as her. They laugh at me when I cry, get upset at me when i’m provoked and yell at my siblings (often times who are yelling or laughing at me), I haven’t gotten a birthday present from them in years (yet I get my dad stuff for his birthday, christmas and fathers day) They don’t even buy me basic needs anymore. I buy my own shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, etc. I just turned 18 last month and because they don’t necessarily help me I’ve had to go out of my way to get all the things I need to adult (ID, Bank account, etc) I just don’t feel loved here. They don’t like that I cry, they haven’t set me up for adult life, they don’t even pay attention to me all that much. It just sucks is all.",Unloving dad and step mom,Mean dad and step mom,All the love and care are given to the step mom's children,,,Step child, Are my stepsister and I wrong for what we said to my mom and her dad?,"here’s some background: my mom and dad divorced when I was 8 and my mom got remarried to my stepdad when I was 10. My dad is the coolest but I barely get to see him. My stepdad has a daughter my age and then they had another son and daughter when I was 11 and 12. He was also previously divorced, and her mom ended up passing away when were 12. my stepsister and I hated each other and the opposite parent and own parent at first. then one day when we were 13, we really. bonded one night and realized that we were in the same position and should be a team. We realized we could stick up for each other and actually have an ally. We became really close and became really detached from the our siblings and parents. It made coping a lot easier on us and made it easier to be friendly to the other members of the family because we felt like we had each other no matter what. We are 16 now and my mom and stepdad keep asking why we’re so good to each other but not close to anyone else. I told them because it was annoying and hard to watch them have new kids who they felt deserved a real family while we had to wonder why they didn’t think we were good enough to have a home with a mom and dad. my stepsister (honestly my real sister) added that we were always alone because they cared more about finding love and making a family than us so we realized that we had to care about each other. my mom is really upset and my stepdad is mad and they both say we aren’t being fair and it’s wrong of us to think that they don’t care/don’t want us to have family/care more about having a romantic relationship than us. If we’re wrong we will apologize because we don’t want there to be conflict for the last 2 years in that house.","Two step siblings working together as allys, loving each other and showing step parents that they only cared for their biological children",,,,,Step child, Is my stepmom sexist?,"My stepmom has been in my life since I was 5 years old, she’s treated me like a grown adult since then (because I’m a female). She has 2 grandsons that are both a few years younger than me and she would basically treat them how a 1 and 3 year old were supposed to be treated while I was being treated like an adult ex: she would say I needed to learn how to cook and clean the house for my “future husband” and I “should already know” how to do these tasks at 5 years old. While her grandsons got to enjoy their childhood and never had to lift a finger in the house 5-15 year old me (now) had to always wash dishes everyday, clean up after my dad and her grandsons, clean the kitchen, mop the floors, take out the trash, vacuum the whole house, dress modest to please grown men’s eyes and not dress like a “slut”<— (as my stepmom said) etc. My stepmom one time told me that I was going to be a professional dishwasher, she also said that ever since I cut my hair I looked like a boy, she called me a whore, she told me not to eat too much and I’ll learn once I start getting “rolls”. My stepmoms grandsons are treated like kings, she still bathes them and they are now 13 and 11. She cooks for them, takes them to fun places and leaves me home to do house work. I’ve never gotten to enjoy a summer and I’ve never been out of the country once while my dad, stepmom, and her 2 grandsons been out of the country multiple time’s without me on purpose so that they could have “extra money” to spend on the grandsons. Her grandsons make messes on purpose and I have to clean up after them, and they never get lectured on making a mess, but when I accidentally spill water on the floor all hell breaks loose and I’m criticized by mom stepmom for days My stepmom calls me disgusting for having my period while her grandsons literally dig in their pants and touch and scratch their d*ck and balls then touch everything, cough and sneeze in their hands, have shitty draws and they are still considered “clean” by her. She also one time threatened me that she was going to leave my dad if I didn’t continue doing the dishes since I stopped because it wasn’t fair that I had to wash dishes everyday and do housework all day while her grandsons did nothing. She praises them for little things such as helping her bring groceries in the house (which a toddler could do) and I don’t even get a thank you. She always says that she only wants grandsons and that girls are hard and a burden. Is my stepmom misogynistic or am I being overly dramatic cause I’m slowly loosing my cool.",Toxic home environment created by stepmom,Passive father,stepchild is treated like a maid while others are treated like kings,,,Step child, Stepmonster,Does anyone else walk out of your room to get water or food and turn right back around when you see she’s bitchin in the kitchen,Toxic environment created by step mom,,,,,Step Child, An appreciation post to step parents,"My dad married my step mom when I was three years old. My dad, step mom, and bio mom all worked very hard to ensure that I had everything I needed and wanted as a child. I could always go to all three of them to talk about anything on my mind. My dad and step mom had one son together, and my step mom never gave him any special treatment, or made me feel like I was any less loved by her. What made me really want to type this is that a childhood friend of mine got a step mom when he was 16, but that step mom turned out to be a step monster. She convinced his father to kick him out of the house. My friend had to move across the country to live with his bio mom because he had nowhere to go. Him and I grew apart after that. Recently I spoke with my step mom, who is friends with my childhood friends bio mom. I was told that my old friend has been down a very dark path and struggles with narcotics addiction. Maybe if my old friend had a caring step mom, and a dad who wasn’t a pushover, maybe he’d be down a better path. I hope he is able to recover. I’m now an adult, but still try to see them from time to time and spend quality time with them. I’m lucky to have been raised by 3 loving parents when so many children had none growing up. To all the step kids out there who have bad stepparents, I’m sorry and I hope things change. To those who have good stepparents, maybe take a moment to let them know how much they mean to you. And if any stepparents are reading this, take a moment to let your step children know that you love them, it will go a long way.",Thankful for a loving and caring step parent,,,,,Step child, Passive aggressive stepfather,"TW: mentions of child molestation, verbal abuse I am a 23f living with my family; Mom (43), Stepdad (48), and three younger sisters 15, 12, and 10. My stepdad has been in my life since I was 5. (He married my mom when I was 9 after my 15y/o sister was born. My bio dad is a piece of pedophilic trash that I've been nc with for almost 10 years. In the 18 years that my stepdad has known me, he has only been a father to me when I was going through court proceedings because of bio dad molesting me when from age 7-10. Other than that he hasn't tried. He has always treated me differently than my sisters, solely because I'm not his kid. It was worse when he was drinking (he's sober now) but it still goes on. Passive-aggressive comments on how I never do anything around the house, never believing me when my sisters start shit, always commenting on how I'm always in my room (gee I wonder why). I do tell my mom about these and she does confront him about them but it never ends well. He just ends up walking on eggshells around me while still making passive-aggressive comments. I have confronted him myself since becoming an adult but it results in the same. We do have our good moments where we can talk normally but I know that it's short-lived. Basically I'm just venting but also asking how I can go about handling it? TIA",Survivour of child-abuse from biological dad,step dad treats her differently (negative outcomes),Active mom (confronts step dad with issues),,,Step child, How do I deal with the woman?,"Hey everyone! First time poster so please be gentle 😂🤦‍♀️ So, my (35f) dad (53) left my mom 11 years ago. 6 months later and me and younger sisters (now 32and31) are introduced to new gf. Now a few facts about my dad. He got my mom pregnant when he was 17 and had a shotgun wedding when he was 18. I get it he was young and forced into by his family, but he never really grew up in a way. His and my moms marriage was toxic as heck, arguing constantly (although mum tried to hide it), plenty of affairs (him) and he just wasnt there when we were children. After 2 years they got married. Dad never told us about his engagement my sisters and I found out from fb, ngl that was a hurtful thing to us. During dads speech at the wedding we find out that him and new wife (known only in my family as dads wife) had been together for 6 years! Cue me and sisters mouths dropping! We were later to find out that dw's son was friends with dad's cousins son and lots of family knew and never told my paternal grandparents (which hurt my nan😡) We never said anything because by that point, why bother? But very swiftly she tried to insert herself into my family. I will admit I found it difficult but I tried to be pleasant and did like her, to an extent. This changed when my nan died 6 months after the wedding. The whole family were obviously devastated (we were all very close) On the day my nan died that woman sat in my nan's chair saying 'it will be ok you still have your memories.' At that moment I saw red that has never really dulled over time, 6 years to be exact. Honestly I just find her....odd. Cant really describe her personality, I just know that she tries to hard and doesn't fit in. Me and my sisters just find it harder the more years that go by the more we dislike the woman. I'm not known for holding my tongue, so I admit I find it increasingly hard to not tell dw what I think of her. So any advice on how to handle dw going forward?",Stepson dislikes stepmum,Looking for advice,,,,Step child, I feel like my stepmom is jealous of my relationship with my dad,"I 21f have a stepmom 51f who has been with my dad for 18 years. My dad and I are very close and always have been! My mom and I have pretty much never gotten along partly because I think she dislikes the fact I’m so much like my dad, so I’ve clung to my dad. Him and I always had tv shows we’d watch together, or we’d cook ( I love cooking and always have), we never try to exclude her because I love my stepmom but she’s not really interested in the same things as my dad and I. Shortly after I turned 18 she kept trying to get my dad to kick me out, I ended up moving out because of other reasons but would still come back to visit him and stay over since I have a younger sister there. My stepmom threatened to stay elsewhere when I went to visit because I had accidentally gotten my sister in trouble it turned into a huge argument between all three of us and my dad told her that I was welcome to stay and stay for as long as I wanted. Ever since then she’s treated me kind of crappy and I don’t know what to do…",Stepmom is jelous of dad's relationship with daughter,,,,,Step child, Am I mean for holding a grudge against my stepmom,"I live with my grandparents now after this happened but my dad has been texting everyday telling me that he thinks I'm perfect and that I'm everything he wants in a daughter so idk if I should just go home because I guess my dad is innocent. My mom passed away a long long time ago, but my dad put me in therapy as soon as I started Kindergarten and did everything right so I'm thankful for that. He married my stepmom later. SM never forced the mom role but did mom things for me and after being in therapy for a while, I realized that it was ok to call my stepmom ""mom"" and that my mom would be happy that I had a girl in my life to help me. My stepmom got pregnant and I was REALLY excited to have a little sibling and to be a family of four. Keep in mind that I genuinely thought my stepmom considered me to be her daughter so I didn't have the feelings that many stepkids have of being left out/not feeling good enough. One day when I was not supposed to be around, I heard her talking to her mom (who I call grandma and I also thought she accepted me!!) and said that she was scared that her baby would like me and she doesn't want to keep any pictures of her baby that would look like me. My ""grandma"" responded that she won't look like me because she has my dad's and stepmom's genes and none of my mom's genes would be involved. She said the baby would have great genes because the only genes that the baby will share with me are ones from someone she loved. Guys I really really tried hard not to cry but I just burst into tears on the spot. My stepmom and grandma freaked out and said that she was just hormonal and that there was nothing wrong with me but I just needed to run away, so I ran to my mom's parents house. My mom's parents called my dad and yelled at him and he came over immediately and told me that he loved me, but my grandparents said they were going to sue for rights and the judge said I could live with them. my stepmom has been apologizing but idk what to do and if I should go home",Stepmom and stepgrandma espressed their dislike for step child in secert,Step child felt betrayed by stepmom,,,,Step child, Step father drunk messaged my gf,"My (m34) step father (61) drunk messaged my girlfriend (26) of 5 years saying he loved her and ""wants to f*** her real bad"" 2 days later he messaged ""sorry that was for someone else"" and removed the messages from messenger. We do not know how to handle this. On one side hes the last parent/grandparent we have left and i feel like i should forgive and forget. On the other hand this is completely disgusting and now we feel so awkward and creeped out. He messaged today and asked what we want for Thanksgiving. I dont know what to say. How would y'all handle this? I have not told any other family members and im not sure where to ask for advice.",Stepdad sent a creepy message to step son's girlfriend while drunk,Looking for advice,,,,Step child, My mom's husband makes me mad,"Tonight, I listened to my mom and her husband having an argument in their room. My mom was trying to tell him that he hurt her feelings earlier and he kept saying that none of it never happened. Idk what he said exactly bc I was inside and they were at the time. She called him a liar a few times, and like I said idk exactly what was said (something that made her feel like she should just do the dishes but idk what exactly) but that's all she called him. Just by going off the conversation and how he avoided telling her what he actually said when she asked him to, I think it's safe to say he is lying about something. What made me so ANGRY that I wanted to kick the door in and punch him in the face is that when she was repeating what had happened he said ""You're losing you're mind"" and ""You're fucking nuts"". He literally said that multiple times and I don't even want to be in the same house as him. When she wanted him to apologize for what he said ealier he said something along the lines of ""I'm sorry youre hurt because of what you thought i said"". I'm pretty sure she was saying how he admitted to saying whatever he said ealier but now he said he didnt say anything. Like, literally just say sorry for hurting your wifes feelings. I genuinely dont understand why he couldnt just apologize because to me all that needed to be said is that he hurt her feelings when he said xyz and then he apologizes for hurting her. She was literally crying and i felt so bad and idk what to do. I never really liked him but now I dont even want to look at him. Like he let his wife cry and was saying how she was making stuff up while she was crying when all he had to do was APOLOGIZE. Now even if what my mom said he said wasn't exactly correct he shoukd have still apologized bc whatever he said clearly hurt her and he should have NEVER EVER called her nuts or say shes losing her mind. He even tried to say her doctor put her on medication for her ""losing her mind"" which she responded that it's antidepressants bc of him. And they have fought before but this time seemed different for some reason. Someone help bc I don't think I can pretend like I'm not angry at him.",Stepdad is mistreating mum,,,,,Step child, Divorce and Stepfamilies,"Hi all! My (27 F) family is currently in the middle of a separation. My mom (50sF) and step dad (50sM) are divorcing. He’s been in my life for over ten years, he has a son (20s M) who has become my brother, and my husband and I now have a 10 month old son who sees him as his Papa. Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation? How do I navigate in a way that is respectful to my mother, but also acknowledge the presence he has had in me and my son’s life? I am terrified to lose my brother in the situation and am miserable that I am dealing with a divorce again in my lifetime. Any help is needed 💙",Stepchild seeking advice on how to deal with a second divorce ,,,,,Step child, How do I show my stepmom I love her?,"I (16m) have never met my biological father. He didn’t want to be a dad so he walked away when he found out my mom (42f) was pregnant with me. My mom relied on one of her best friends Mary (38f) to help her raise me. Eventually they developed feelings feelings for each other while I was growing up and became a couple and got married back in 2015. I love Mary a lot and I see her as my other mom. She has done so many things for me and I adore her with all my heart. She and my mom are without a doubt in my mind the best moms I could have ever asked for. Now I have wanted to show Mary how much I appreciate her and love her but I don’t know how to. Can anyone give me advice on how to show Mary she is super important to me.",Step son wanting to show stepmom how much he loves her,,,,,Step child, I don’t know how to adjust to calling my stepmom “momma”.,"My (16m) parents (39f and 43m) got divorced 4 years ago. My mom has a majority of the custody so I only spend every other weekend with my dad (he loves two hours away from us). My mom met Bridgette (37f) 3 years ago and they got married two months ago. When they got married my mom told me I had to start calling Bridgette “momma” because I needed to show respect and appreciation for her and how Bridgette was now going to be another mom to me so I had to. I feel awkward calling her that as I haven’t known her for that long and I’ve only had a mom type word for just my mom. I keep slipping up with calling Bridgette momma and it makes her sad. I appreciate Bridgette and she makes my mom happy and tries to act like another mom for me but it feels weird. Can anyone help me at all with this situation cause I can’t wrap my head around this.",Step son struggling with the fact that his mom married a woman,,,,,Step child, I made my stepmom cry,"I am a (16 m) and I have a stepmom Hayley (41 f). My Dad (42 m) married Hayley when I was 11 years old. My real mom died when I was 8 years old. Anyways Hayley has always tried to be a good mom to me and I love her for it, she is a wonderful mom and I have just called her mom since I was 12 because I thought it would be respectful. Yesterday was her birthday and we all went out to eat, during it she said "" (my name) the greatest gift I have ever received is being able to be your stepmom and have you in my life"". I hugged her and said ""I love you so much mom, will you adopt me"". I have wanted her to adopt me for a while now and I had finally got up the courage to ask her. She cried happy tears and yelled ""Oh my god yes!"", it was in the middle of the restraunt so we had to leave cause everyone was looking at us lol. When we got home me and her cuddled on the couch and watched tv until I went to bed. I love my mom so much!!!!!",Step son expressing love for his step mom,,,,,Step child, I don’t know how to feel about my new stepdad,"My (14m) biological father has never been in my life. He left as soon as he got my mom (50f) pregnant. It’s made worse by the fact that my mom now had to raise me as a single mom while also putting herself through law school, she did a great job and is now a lawyer and I love her with my entire heart. Now my mom has been seeing this guy Jake (46m) for the past few years and he and my mom are now engaged. Jake has tried to be a father figure type of person but I don’t know how to feel about it. You see because I’ve never had a father figure my entire life I don’t feel like I really need one. All the love and care I’ve ever gotten has been from my mom so I don’t feel like I need any from a guy I don’t know all that well. My mom keeps talking about how great he is and how “I can finally have a dad” in my life but I just feel like she is trying to force something. I respect Jake as the man my mother loves but I don’t want to view him as anything else. I don’t know how to feel and I would really like some advice from people because my friends haven’t really been reliable as advice givers.",Step son does not understand why he needs a stepdad in his life,,,,,Step child, Do you ever see them again,Idk if this is the right place to ask this but I just had to know. I was a step father for 4 years from when he was 2 till now that he is 6. Me and his mom broke up 2 months ago and it’s still hard on me but she doesn’t want any contact with me and him anymore either. I guess my question is for any of you step kids who had a really good relationship with a step parent like to the point you both wanted adoption. Did you ever reach out again or think about them after the break up. I’m sorry if the question is weird I just really miss my son and the thought of not seeing him grow up Destroys me,Step parent asking a question,,,,,Step dad, Can step kids give me some advice on my relationship with possible step kids?,"TL;DR: I may be getting some step kids and want advice on my relationship with them. So, I have a good relationship with a divorced mother. She has 6 children, the youngest by a separate man who is completely out of the picture. They range from 2-12 years old. I want some advice on how to bond with them as well as some dos and don'ts. Like maybe a step parent said something to you in good faith, but it was actually hurtful. Here's the thoughts I'm having so far: If/when we decide it's time to live together I'd like to give the step kids some agency in their lives, as well as show them that I respect them and their feelings. As such I plan to ask them how they feel about me moving in, and later ask them for permission to ask bio mom to marry me if/when the relationship gets there. I will not try to keep their bio father out of their lives (unless I truly believe he's being abusive/toxic. I will not make negative comments about their bio father to them. They're children, not therapists and deserve to be children. I will not enter their lives unless/until I firmly believe that we are heading towards a lifetime relationship. If for some reason the relationship doesn't work I will still be available to be in the children's lives as long as they want me there. I won't abandon them. Is there anything else I can do to bond with my (potential) step kids in a healthy and productive way? Anything I should avoid?",Step parent asking a question,,,,,Step parent, Need advice as a mother of a child in a blended family,"Here is some background: My late husband passed when my daughter was 7. I knew my husband for years (my brother’s best friend) before my late husband passed and we were just friends until we fell in love and married when she was 10. She is 17 now. My husband had a very young son when we married whose mother abandoned him at birth so I have always been mom to him. He is now 10. We had a child together who is 7. I realize that all my children have different needs because of their different situations and check in regularly to make sure they are all doing well. I get that my oldest daughter struggles because she does remember her father very well. My husband has known her entire life and has always loved her, shown up, and respected her dad and even tells her stories about him. He is a great man and I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t think he would take good care of my girl. My daughter has always been really quiet and well-behaved, and formal and it can be difficult to get her to admit her real feelings. She recently broke down and told me that she knows I like my life but I wouldn’t have had it without her dad dying and that she’s tired. she said she feels alone and I can be with whoever I want and have as many kids as I want who have dads but it’s always going to be hard to watch because she misses hers. She told me she feels guilty all the time for being resentful of me and her stepdad because we’ve always taken care of her and she likes us and that her uncle (my brother) is so close to him. She sobbed for hours. She told me that just because I don’t love her dad anymore doesn’t mean that she doesn’t. I reassured her that I will ALWAYS love and miss her father but I don’t think she believes me. She told me she hates how everyone comments about how her stepdad and I were meant to be since we have known each other since childhood and how it makes her feel like she was just a mistake and so was her father. I told her none of this is true and am looking for a therapist. She sobbed for hours. I don’t think I’ve seen her cry since her dad passed. I’m scared that she’s depressed and that I’ve missed it. For those of you who are children in similar situations, is there anything that you would want your parent/stepparent do to help you feel better? I thought that asking the advice of a child could help my daughter. Thank you,",Step parent asking a question,,,,,Step parent, "Husband's family not giving gifts to my children, step children","I have two kids from a previous marriage and one daughter with my husband. We've been together for 4 yrs, and my boys were seeing their Dad one night a fortnight for the first 3 and a bit yrs. They've not seen him for 9 months due to his absence. My husband's family has welcomed them but there's a definite division, for instance the Mil will speak in front of me to others saying she's only got one grandson, there are no photos of them in her house etc. She buys them gifts, although her bio Grandchild gets far more, I appreciate the gesture. My husband's brothers wives have always bought our daughter gifts and text on her bday without fail, but never do this for my children, even though they see them all the same amount of time. I brought this up with one of them last yr politely and said can we please have presents for all or none as the other kids get really upset by this and we are raising them without exclusion. She changed this behaviour which is great. The other sister in law/ brother knew of this conversation however have continued to only give a gift for our daughter. I could understand if we were 50/50 custody with my ex, but we literally have them 100% of the time. We buy presents for all of their kids. Am I delusional or is this rude behaviour.",Step parent asking a question,,,,,Step parent, How can I make it easier?,"My stepdaughter has decided to live with her dad and I and although I did the same thing at her age, it was 20 years ago. So how can I make the transition easier for her? We've already gone over rules and expectations so that she was fully aware of what she was getting into before she committed to wanting to move in. But basically, she's going from a house with very few, inconsistent rules and no clear bedtime or routine at all to one with set chores and bedtimes and where we'd like to interact with her. Any advice? Edit to add: she's 14.",Step parent asking a question,,,,,Step parent, I’d like to know the kids perspective,"Hi! I’m a step parent and I wanted to know from a kids point of view how they might feel about something I will experience soon. Just some background, it’s been really hard for me being a step parent because my step daughter’s mom is very much in the picture and pretty much dominated what we can and can’t do. I respect that as I am not her mom. After some time, my step daughter and I are now really close and I love her so much! So her mom might be moving away to be closer to her boyfriend. It’s a 8 hour drive from where we live. I’m so crushed and heart broken. I feel like finally we are all u sweets don’t and enjoying our time together. My question is, how would you as the kid feel? Has this happened to anyone? She doesn’t know yet about the move. I haven’t said anything. I’m just sad and hurt and I don’t know how to be in her life being so far away. Any advice?",Step parent asking a question,,,,,Step parent, My stepmom photoshopped me IN an family picture,"I'm sure you all know the stories where (step)parents photoshop their stepchild out of a family photo. Well, my stepmom actually did the reverse. For some background: My mom and dad divorced when I was 3 (I am currently 19), and my mom moved away with me to a town that was 600km away from my dad's. I had almost no contact with my dad, mostly because my mom didn't want me to. However, I visited him when I was around 11 for some days. My dad married a new woman (my stepmom), and they already had 2 sons together when I was 11 (Last year baby-brother was born, so 3 now), but when I was there they were baby's. So, my mom passed away in late 2021, and that led to me visiting my dad and stepmom more often in 2022. When I was there for the first time, I noticed an image on the wall with my 2 brothers sitting on a bench, with, ME. I was so confused because I definitely was not there. On the picture they were 3 and 4, and I was 11. So she told me that she had paid an photoshop artist so that he could photoshop me IN so that they have an picture with (at the time) all 3 of us. I was so taken back by this, and it made me so happy, that my stepmom, who at the time of that picture saw me once in her life, actually cared so much about me that she paid an artist to create an image of her sons with her stepson. We both have an healthy relationship, and she is like an motherfigure for me. I thought I share this story with you, to show you some wholesome step parents for an change :D And sorry for my bad english, I'm German.",Step mom was very loving and kind to step child,,,,,Step child, My stepmom,"I have a stepmother who has been my stepmother for about 8 years. Whenever we first met she was cool. Then when she moved in she started treating me like shit. I would always get in trouble for stuff HER daughter did. I would always go visit my mom when I was younger. My mother smoked cigarettes. When my stepmom found out about this, when I got back from visiting she started asking questions as if it was an interrogation. This happened more than once. I was 7 at the time. She would always create drama that wasn’t needed and would get me in trouble with my dad. Overtime she changed, or so I thought. A few years ago behind my back she said something hurtful that I will never forgive her for. I told her I knew and she apologized but the damage was already done. It made me wonder what else has she said about me. She is very different now but, I still find it hard to trust her. I love her and I feel like I can call her mom, but the trust isn’t there. I want to move on and be able to trust her, but I just can’t. I also feel different from all her other kids. I hate this feeling. I just wanna feel like I can trust her and have a good mother-daughter relationship with her.",Step mom was mean towards step daugher,Step daughter struggles to trust step mom even though she appears to have changed,,,,Step child, Need advice….,"At this point idk what to do. My partner and i have somewhat of ab age gap. He has 4 children from Previous relationships, ranging from 18 to 6… I have no children of my own, but we have discussed having children. I’m having a hard time deciding if this is what I want to do because as of right now, his kids don’t seem to respect me, or even take me as a serious adult figure in their life. We’ve tried to express this to them numerous occasions. The only problem is I’ve only been in this relationship for three years and before that, they really have no set of rules or boundaries set in place by my partner. My partner doesn’t really seem to have my back when it comes to a lot of the situation, especially involving his children. He gets very defensive no matter how the situation is approached. And I don’t know what to do. I feel like I am a non-factor and a placeholder that just occasionally cooks and cleans and gets taken for granted..",Step mom seeking help,,,,,Step mom, I need advice.,"I'm 14 f, and I hate my Stepmother. My parents have been divorced since I was 2, so having a Step mom isn't new to me. I love my Step father, he's been in the picture since I was 3, and loves me and takes care of me and my 2 half siblings. My bio dad has been married 3 times, engaged 2 more times, and I have one half brother from his previous wife. I don't have anything against Step parents, but I just despise his current wife. She tells my father to not let me come to their house, and instead makes him take me to my grandparents house when I visit him. I'm so mad. I feel so unwanted by her. I don't know why she doesn't like me. I have only spoken to her a couple of times. She doesn't like my brother either. I feel like my dad puts his love over me and loves her more. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to see my dad, but every time I see him I wanna break down and cry because I know he loves his wife more. This situation seriously affects my mental health and I don't know what to do. Is it wrong I kinda wish she cheats so they would get a divorce? Or he divorces her? I don't know what to feel, think, or do.",Step mom does not show any form of love towards step daughter,Step child feels unwanted at home,Passive father,,,Step child, I dislike my stepdad,"I (M15) have issues with my stepdad, he has a biological daughter which he favors, he treats us very different. He spoils her and gives her a lot of attention, meanwhile I’m left out and rarely receive any attention or anything. They both spend every day together upstairs playing video games. Whenever me, my mom, and sister get home from school he only greets my sister and only her and doesn’t pay any attention to me or my mom and he doesn’t spend any time with me or her, he’d rather spend time with his daughter instead since that’s the only thing that matters to him, we’re practically nothing to him. My mom isn’t really a big fan of what they do and how he acts, we both agree that he acts immature and childish. Whenever he and my mom interact they always argue about something small and dumb, and whenever they argue he always has to insult her and call her names. She always threatens to leave him but never does, they some how make up in the end. At best she’s a single mother taking care of 2 kids and a grown man, he might as well be considered a child since he technically already acts like one. I forgot to mention that we’ve been pretty distant with each other lately, I don’t remember when the last time we had a proper conversation was. Is there anything I should do? Is he the one who’s the problem?",Step dad spends all the time with his daughter,Unloving step dad ,,,,Step Child, stepdad can go fuck himself,"He is a former nurse and marine with a truly awful childhood, I know this contributes to how he acts and how he handles his emotions. But the man is a hypocritical chauvinistic dog fucker. I can make a laundry list of occasions where he was a major hypocrite but that would make this too long. He acts like he knows all and is never wrong even when you present the facts he still claims he is right and the facts are fabricated. He then uses me as a punching bag for his thoughts on my generation when he fails to see that his generation is the one that raised us and set everything in motion that is happening today. With his hard life he thinks he never needs to apologize for anything even when he is out of line, not even an acknowledgement that he was. My mom is constantly coming to me venting and eventually breaking down crying about how he is acting towards her or treating her. Obviously doesn't listen to her at all and tells her half assed solutions to anything she brings up just so he doesn't have to listen to it. For a while I thought he was dating my mom because we were in a bad place. A charity relationship to fill his ego. I'm staying home till I finish my schooling then moving out, when I do I want as little to do with him as possible, I refuse to allow him to be a part of my life any longer than necessary.",Step dad is not sensitive to step child's needs,Step child does not want step dad to be part of her life,,,,Step child, Me and my step-dad has never had a relationship,"...And my mom and my step-dad has been together since I was 8-9. I'm 21 years old now. He's in essence a nice, proper guy. He's just very aloof and introverted. Not at all a people person. He speaks very little words, and has throughout my life living with him, spoken extremely little words to me. Ever since they started together and I was just a little kid, I've always questioned if he really ever liked me or not. I mean, if you were around a person all the time, but they barely looked at you or spoke to you, I think you'd start to question that too. He has never taken any interest in my life or who I was. For example, he never asked me how my day at school was or how dance class was. He has never asked me about my likes/dislikes, my interests, etc. As a kid, I used to ask him those types of questions, because I've always been interested in people's likes/dislikes, opinions and stuff like that, but I eventually stopped, because he would always respond with short, almost one-worded answers. There are many times when I've arrived home from school and said ""Hi"" to him (because that's what we do in our family), and not gotten a ""Hi"" back. He just stares at the TV or his laptop. There are also many times when I've asked him a question, like a really normal question like ""Have you had a nice trip at your cottage?"", and just not gotten a response back. It makes you wonder, does he not want to talk to me? Or does he just not hear me? Or does he simply not see responding as an obligatory thing to do? We have never, ever done things together, one on one. Not watched TV togehter, not taken a walk together, not listened to music togehter, not made food together, literally nothing. I know that in order to build a relationship, there needs to be effort from both sides, but considering that I was 8-9 back when they first started together, I think he had more responsibility to initiate the relationship that I had. I mean, I was just a child. A shy kid. Later, as I've grown older, I've tried to sort of initiate some small talk with him, but it has just ended up feeling awkward and unnatural, because you can hear how much he's disinterested in it. I never thought I was particularly annoying or ill-behaved as a child either. I mean, I had my moments of misbehaving here and there, but doesn't every child? I've always been very calm and quiet too. I've especially always tried to act pleasant and well-behaved around him, because I've just never wanted him to dislike me. Isn't all this kind of weird? Still, to this day, we pass each other by like strangers when we're in our house.",Step dad does not reciprocate step daughter's efforts to connect with him,,,,,Step child, step dad screams a slur,"before i start- we are all white. ​ this happened a while ago so some details may be fuzzy, but this is what i remember of this day. ​ background context: me and my twin brother show affection to each other by being mean. it has no ill intent, and both of us are fine with it. ​ anyway, this all started after me and my brother got a zombie game called daymare from gamestop, and went home to play it. we were sitting on the couch with them and we ask them to go upstairs, for two reasons. we wanted to play it alone and it would be awkward if they were there, and we were going to swear. i know that isnt really serious, but they've asked us not to swear around them, so we just we following those rules. it was a zombie game and we are teenagers, if we get jumpscared, we were going to swear. also they werent doing anything but screwing around on their phones, they could do that upstairs. they both get pissed, and then they change their old sentence to say that we cant swear at all (we are teenagers, again. we are going to swear.). our step dad threatens to take our phones and attempts to act like a father figure for a few minutes (we are uncomfortable with this kind of behavior because neither of us like him, and we were abused by our father.) and then he gets pissed that his threat isnt working and he also thinks im mocking him and making fun of him. ​ off topic, but the reason he thought i was mocking him was because i was making a really weird face. like. what the hell was wrong with me in that moment?? jesus christ i looked like i stubbed my toe. i think i was doing that because he attempted to be a father figure? idk ​ something else happens, and he runs over to the topic that... me and my brother hate each other!! we dont, and from what ive seen, we get along way better then other siblings. fuck, are you guys trying to kill each other or something? what the hell did they do to you LMFAO but he thinks we dont like each other because we ""arent kind to each other"". he thinks that being mean and swearing at each other isnt a form of affection, because ""its mean!"". ​ he then says something like ""what if i called your mother a whore?"" IT DEPENDS is that how you two joke with each other? or are you just being mean? ​ somehow, the topic goes back to swearing, and while my brother, him, and our mom were arguing (i was still making that damn face and nearly dying, dont know what he hell was wrong with me, felt like i couldnt breath.), he screamed out the n word. everyone goes fucking SILENT. nobody says anything, nobody moves, all eyes are on his stupid ass. ​ and then all hell breaks lose again, my brother is yelling at him for saying that kinda shit, im losing my damn marbles (not funny, but it was so confusing to me so i just laughed, thats my response for things idk why) step dads trying to defend himself by saying all swears are slurs while actively swearing, and my mother is DEFENDING HIM. he is right beside her, proving how stupid he is, and she is on his side. ​ anyway they both go upstairs after a bit, and me and by twin play the game, a bit confused. anyway it has not been mentioned once by them. but is has become an inside joke with me and my brother (""if you dont get outside fast enough, hes gonna scream the n word!"" etc) ​ this is just something i thought id post, because jesus christ. ​ also sorry if this is formatted weird or if there are any mistakes, im doing this on my computer and normally im a stinky mobile user. AND. just incase, if any youtubers/tiktokers/etc find this, DO NOT POST IT. dont even touch this thing or i will shove every letter here up your ass.",Step children hates step dad,Step children maybe disrespectful,,,,Step child, update: are my stepsister and I wrong for what we said to my mom and her dad? (i kinda need help again),"I tried talking to my mom but it was really hard talking to her and I didn’t really know what to say. She said to maybe make another post because it helped me last time. I don’t know how my mom knowing my stepsister and I are upset is going to change anything. It won’t bring back her mom, Its not going to cause me to see my dad more, and its not going to stop the little kids from being loud and getting a mom and dad. My mom noticing me more isn’t going to change it. My stepdad tried to go with my stepsister to her mom’s grave again today even though she made it clear that he is not welcome since he divorced her. We don’t get why he keeps trying. Its my birthday next week and I don’t even want to celebrate because I know my younger siblings will try and blow out the candles of my cake. I don’t even care about blowing them out myself but why do they get to. I know that I have to the bigger person and let them because they’re little and it obviously makes them happy. I don’t get to see my dad until the end of the month. We are being forced to go to therapy. My stepdad wanted to talk to me so I let him talk but I didn’t say much back. He said that he loves me the same which doesn’t even seem scientifically possible and I’ve read the stepparents reddit so I know what they think deep down. He didn’t meet me until I was 10 so it makes no sense. I think that he should love my stepsister the most because the younger kids are the most loved in the house and he’s her only parent. Talking to them is making us resent them because its embarrassing that they are making us feel so bad. Nothing is going to change so we might as well just all move on. My stepsister said that maybe we’ll just be stronger and have more character than the half-siblings because we have suffered way more than them, but I don’t really have a response to that because something bad can happen to them too and its kinda a mean thing to say. I truly wish the best for mom, stepdad, and their kids and I hope they never feel the same way my stepsister and I do.",Step children feels unloved,Some family issues,,,,Step child, Stepsister and I finally talked to our parents about our needs,"Everyone really helped so thank you for that. We wrote a letter to our parents highlighting our feelings and what can be done. Basically this is what we asked for \-they have to recognize that it is a lot harder for us than the younger kids (they said they know) \- We don't consider ourselves ""one"" family and there are parts (they said we will talk about this more) \-SS does not feel comfortable with my SF going to the grave with her and said she does not feel supported by him and asked to go live with her mom's sister for a bit. He was sad but is letting her go \- My SS and I are 8 days a part and we want to have a dinner just with them and no younger kids because we want to feel like it is about us (they said yes but that we should do cake together and we said ok) \- I told my mom that I wished she payed more attention to me and just because I have a 4.0 and do a lot of extracurriculars doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with her (she said that she always wants to see me) \- We told them that we are the odd ones out no matter what and we don't think there's anything we can be done about that, and it is very hard for us to not think that they care more about the romantic relationship because we have been so miserable for so long. (they said that it was fair but not true) \- we told our respective SP that even though a lot of SP say they love their SK just the same it is hard for us to believe and we don't know how to make ourselves believe it. It kinda hurts us a bit (if its true) that someone ""random"" (as much as i love my stepsis) is viewed the same to my mom as I am and my stepsister felt the same way about her dad (they said that we can talk about this more) \-so anyways I also said its going to be hard for me to live there without my stepsister and asked to live with my grandma and my mom said no. So these next few weeks are going to be hard for me but I can still talk to her. \- I told my mom that she and my dad have to figure it out about how I am going to see him more because I don't think it is my responsibility to coordinate since I had no say in my situation. \- They asked if there was anything they could do fill the role of the respective ""missing"" parent (mom asked stepsis about her mom and my stepdad asked me about my dad) and we both said there was no need. \-We also admitted that my stepdad's uncle was much worse than we made it out to be and I told my stepdad and mom that I will always resent them a little for making me meet him. My stepdad apologized \-Lastly we told them that the little kids are too loud when we try to hw and they need to do something about it. (they said that it was hard to make little kids sit quietly for a long time)",Step children describing their acknoledgements and requests made to step parents,,,,,,Step parent Inheritance,"My step siblings get everything as it is. Because my brother and I live far away we get forgotten about, yet made to feel guilty if we ever forget significant events and its us that do the travelling. One of my step sisters has three kids. Her kids want for nothing from my stepmum. They even get weekly pocket money. My brother has kids that are not given the same treatment. Out of sight out of mind. She says she has depression and my stepmum does regular shopping runs, does her ironing and other chores. I am not against a mother helping her daughter out. If someone needs help they should have it. This is what I am against. When my parents separated my Mum ""bought my Dad out"". With this he bought his own place to live. When he met my stepmum she moved in and has lived there ever since. My Mum couldn't afford to really buy my Dad out so I got a job and helped her out for years with this. Eventually she became financially stable and moved out. My stepmum was talking about wills. It is highly likely with my Dad's health he will go first. We have already discussed that should anything happen to him my stepmum wouldn't get thrown out and would continue to live there. I am happy with this. It makes sense. It doesn't bother me. My step sisters new boyfriend made a joke about having the place when they pass away. No. Just no. I dont know you. This is my Dad's place. He paid for it. Even though I live further away I have visited my Dad more than they ever have. Why should they be entitled to it? I'm not a money orientated person really, but it grinds my gears that more than likely when my Dad passes away that my stepmums kids will get everything my family has worked for.",Step children being treated differently by step mom,Passive Father,Concerns about inheritance,,,Step child, AITA for telling my stepdad to stop yelling?,"I (M15) AM grounded for the being and my whole family has a lot of stress since we are moving. But My stepdad (M45) is really being hard on me like he will say rude comments and just try to get in a arguement with me. I have heard the same from my dad who left 2 years ago and I am happy that he is gone but I feel like it's getting worse with my stepdad. Well a couple days ago he was yelling at his daughter I act like she is my sister since I have been with her since she was born. It was about her homework and I said I would deal with it and he should stop yelling. He freaks out and says ""I don't need you lecturing me on how I shouldn't raise my voice in front of my kids."" I am telling him to just stop yelling then. and he tells me to go to my room. I am glad and I leave and he still yells something at me. AITA???",Step child trying to understand the meaning of a word the stapdad said when he yelled,,,,,Step child, I treated my stepmom poorly and feel awful about it,"Hey everyone, I'm (16m) and my mom died when I was 8 years old. My Dad remarried to my stepmom Elizabeth (34f) when I was around 10 years old. Elizabeth or Lizzie as she likes to be called has always treated me with kindness and love, I have not reciprocated it. In fact I treated her poorly for a long time because I thought she was trying to come in and replace my mom. Last year my Dad got sick and now he's in hospice care, my Dad asked Lizzie to become my legal guardian so I wouldn't be seperated from my siblings (5f and 3m), and because my dad's side of the family isn't involved in my life. Its only taken this for me to realize how much Lizzie loves me and now I feel awful cause of the way I treated her for years. I want to apologize and make it up to her but don't know how to, can any fellow stepkids or stepparents or just anyone in general help me please? ​ tldr-I treated my stepmom Lizzie badly and now want to apologize but don't know how to.",Step child treated step mom poorly but wants to apologize,,,,,Step child, I don't know how to adjust to my stepmom and new stepsisters,"So hello everyone, sorry if my post is formatted weird its the first post ive ever made. So for some background I am (15 male), I have divorced parents my Dad (43 male), and my Mom (45 female). You see we used to rent out an old home near our property to people, and about a year ago this woman named Kiki (46 female) and her daughters Natalie (16 female), Payton (15 female), and Marsha (14 female) moved in and had been living there for a few months before my parents told me they were getting divorced. It turns out my Dad found out my Mom had been having an affair with Kiki for months. The divorce really messed with my mental health, on top of that my Dad moved a few hours away so now I only get to see him every other week. My mom moved Kiki and her daughters in with us and now my Mom and Kiki have gotten married and now I feel so lost and confused. Kiki and my Mom have apologized to me numerous times for how the divorce happened and my Mom even tried explaining that she and my Dad had been having problems for years and she knows she should have left him before starting any relationship but that her affair never had anything to do with me. Now my Mom has started spending time with my stepsisters and they have wanted to spend time with me because, according to them, Im ""their brother now"". Kiki has tried to spend time with me by doing things I enjoy with me and taking on a motherly role but I still find myself getting angry at her for being my mom's mistress. I feel like Im getting angry over something that, while bad, was going to happen sooner or later and it makes me feel stupid for being mad. I guess I just don't know how to adjust to all of this, especially having a new stepmom and stepsisters. Can anyone here help me?",Step child struggling with the divorce of his parents,Difficulty adjusting to having two females as parents ,,,,Step child, "I never called my step mom ""mom""",I (21f) love my stepmom. She's one of my favorite people in the world. However my dad and mom separated when I was young and had 50/50 custody. My bio mom is also in my life and I love her immensely too. I know it's a bit late to start but should I feel bad about not calling her mom? I love her very much but I just don't know how I'd feel about calling her that,Step child struggling with not calling step mom mom,,,,,Step child, How do I build a good relationship with my stepmom?,"My (13m) parents have been divorced since I was 7. My mom (39f) and I are typically really close but a couple years ago she moved a few hours away so now I only get to see her every other weekend. My dad (40m) has been with my stepmom Rebecca (42f) for the past 4 years and they got married two months ago. I haven’t gotten a lot of time to know Rebecca because I would only see her when she stayed over and she only moved in after the wedding. I want to build a good relationship with Rebecca considering she is going to be another parental figure and mother figure to me. I would just like advice on what to do cause I genuinely have no clue.",Step child seeking advice on how to build a good relationship with step mom,,,,,Step child, "To the Step Parents who have been parenting their step children for a long time, do you love them?","Here’s the context I have a step a mother who I have known for close to 10 years. I’m almost an adult now and have known her for quite a while. Do any of you mom’s or dad’s who have known their step kids for a long period of time love them? I’m just curious because what happens when my father dies, will she and her sons and daughters just ignore my existence?",Step child questioning the love of step mom,,,,,Step child, "Help, i (15f) am in Love with my Stepdad","So where can i begin? My Stepdad (34) is with my Mam and me since i was 6. I was happy to see my mam happy and to have a friend to play with. Over the Years we became close, he calls me princess and i am allowed to call him dad, and unlike my real dad, he was always with me, supported me, helped me with homework, cheered on sportevents, and listens to whatever i have to vent. I can really say he is the Person i trust the most, even more than my Mam. I told him a lot of times that i love him and he tells me the same. Last week, i was in Bed with Periodpain (didnt do my chores), so when he came back from work, he heated up a pillow to put on my belly, made my favourite drink (honeymilk, if you dont know it, try), kissed my forehead and told me to relax, he takes care of me. And since then i feel different about him. i dont love him anymore, i am in love with him. I know its wrong, to him and to my mam, i dont want to ruin my life and i cant talk to my mam, or my stepdad or anyone, how do i get rid of it?",Step child is in love with her step dad and is looking for help to get ris of it,Loving and caring step dad,,,,Step child, i hate my stepdad.,"I live with my dad full time, but i visit my mom from time to time. Last weekend I went to visit, mind you, they have to boys together which are my brothers. While I was there,I had to help with everything. I had to help with my brother the whole weekend becausr he does nothing. He doesn’t even work anymore. If he’s not working, idk why he can’t help with the boys, he just lays around, then complains that he’s tired. Idk what from because he’s not doing anything. I don’t know why my mom allows this because she’s never been with a lazy man who doesn’t do anything. I wish they would just break up and move on. He’s apart of the reason i moved away in the first place. He’s the worst type of man you could’ve ever want.",Step child hates step dad,Step dad does not work or help out (Financlly unresponsive),,,,Step child, All for a open toilet seat,"So, my (19F) mother's (56F) husband (almost 60M) is a control freak and a neat freak. Everything has to be how he wants it and clean how he wants it. I, of course, am the complete opposite and can stand the fact that my mother let him talk to me in a disrespectful way. I think he acts like this because he doesn't feel accepted by me, but he is, he doesn't accept himself being here. I just don't get why he's so stuck up and can't tone down a little his personality like I did for my mom's sake. A particular thing he wants is that the toilet seat has to be closed and doesn't accept the fact that I don't care if it's open or closed. Every time he finds the toilet seat open, he assumes it's my fault and he exclaimes ""the toilet seat is open"" and I respond ""yeah, close it when you are done"". Yesterday, I didn't close the toilet for the first time, and he said what he said and I just sighed. I said"" then close it when you are done"". He was starting his rant on me, mom said ""oh, stop it, you are repeating yourself"". Since yesterday he almost didn't say a word to me. Fine to me, but he's really childish. Thank you for your attention",Step child has arguments with step dad,,,,,Step child, Should I apologize?,"I tried having my brother (16yo) come to my bday dinner with my grandparents. My step mom and dad came up with some excuse for why my brother wouldn’t be able to go. This happens 90% of the time I try and take him places. So I finally had it and I kept questioning why they couldn’t find someone else to do what they needed him for. This question upset my step mom and it turned into a back and forth argument over text. She finally ended up calling me to give me a lecture about respect and what not but also continued to call me a selfish smart Ass. I called her and my dad narcissists (I’ve done my research and even a therapist said that their behavior is definitely narcissistic). After I called her that she hung up and texted me saying she’ll call the cops if I go near their house and also said I can’t see my brother until he’s 18. (2yrs from now). They threatened to take away his phone if they saw him contacting me. Just last night my brother text me saying that I would have to apologize for everything I did wrong to them in order to fix things. And said it’s my decision. I need advice. I don’t wanna apologize for something I was just asking a question for but I do wanna see my brother. They are narcissists and they do this stuff all the time and I end up apologizing every time. Can I take any legal action ?",Step child had a heated argument with step mom,Step child needs to apologise to fix things,,,,Step child, I Just Let Loose on my Mom's Boyfriend and I Don't Know What to Do,"My mom is babysitting her friend's son today. The boy is quite young and has a mental disability, so he takes a while to pick up on things. He didn't clean his mess in the bathroom, and my mom's boyfriend screamed at him. He started going off about the kid, and I told him to leave the kid alone. He then replied, ""Don't talk to me kid, because I'm tired of your sh\*t as well."" It's at this point that I went buck wild. I just let loose and screamed at him. I literally could not control it, and I got all of that bent-up aggression and frustration out at him. I don't remember what I said, I don't remember what he said, I just remember feeling a rush of adrenaline while being numb and then blasting off. I feel bad, mostly because I don't like being rude/yelling at people. But at the same time, I know what I said was the truth. I know that he deserved what I said. My mom even told him after I cooled down, ""I told you he was going to get sick of your crap."" I have this weird sensation where it feels like I've used all of my body's reserved energy. I want to say sorry, but I don't feel like he deserves it. The guy is a royal douche canoe, and he treats everyone like garbage. I drew the line once he started yelling at the little boy, and now I don't know what to do. I told myself to hold on a bit longer. He's moving out soon (\~12 months), and my mom has forced him to give me rides to college since we're giving him somewhere to stay. I've constantly told myself, ""Don't bite the hand that feeds you, don't bite the hand that feeds you."" Suffice to say, I bit him. I put him in his place, but I don't feel ""good."" I don't have a ride to college, but at least he knows how I feel. What should I do from here on out?",Step child had a heated argument with step dad,seeking advice on what to do,,,,Step child, "Is it bad of me to never want to call my ""stepdad"" my dad.","It's not out of resentment the guy's an ass sometimes but he's overall really great. It just feels really weird to call him dad hell even calling him my stepdad when people asks is fucking weird to me! But I don't know if this is just me being over sensitive or if I'm just not trying hard enough or something...",Step child finding it difficult to call stepdad dad,,,,,Step child, I need advice,"​ Hi reddit. I made this throwaway because I really need a stepparents/stepkids advice. I wanted someone to tell me if im wrong for feeling upset. I feel like i’m being selfish, which makes me feel like terrible. My parents divorced at a very young age because my birth father was really abusive to my mom and I haven’t seen him since. My mom married my stepdad when I was (16f) was 5 and they had my younger brothers and sister. Sometimes i feel like i don’t belong, and that they would be this perfect family where everyone is related if i didn’t exist. i’m scared that my mom resents me because if i didn’t exist then maybe she would have no remains of my dad. i’m scared that she hates me because maybe she could have left sooner if she didn’t get pregnant with me. i’m scared my stepdad hates me because i’m assuming he hates me dad. i’m scared he thinks that i’m wasting his money because i’m not his kid. i’m scared that he doesn’t love me at all, because i already know that i’m probably the least loved in the house. I’m scared that he only deals with me because he loves my mom and not because he wants me. I really wish he was my real dad I’m so scared to be anything less than perfect because his love is conditional. i’m so tired of trying to be perfect so that he doesn’t hate me. i babysit my siblings, i have a job, i get good grades, i play a sport, i always clean, and i’m not disruptive or rude at home. i feel bad for feeling guilty because at least my mom didn’t leave me with my dad, and at least i get to have enough to eat, and that i get a room, and the opportunity to do lots of things. i know a lot of people don’t get these things. I’m so tired of feeling like i’m not enough, and a burden. I just want to relax. Usually i’m ok, but i haven’t been able to stop crying recently. Everyone is asking why I’m upset but I just tell them i’m stressed about school so they leave me alone. I love my stepdad and wish he was my real dad, and I obviously love my mom ​ edit: I talked to my stepdad. He told me that he didn’t know that I felt the way I did, and had no reason to worry. He told me that I made him a dad and that he will always love me just the same. He told me that my dad was a bad person but he doesn’t hate me because of what he did. He said that I was part of the reason he married my mom. He said that i can make mistakes and he would still love me even if he was mad at me. he told me that he had always wanted to adopt me but didn’t want to pressure me, and that he would love me the same even if I said no. He said if I said yes and my bio dad made it impossible, he’d adopt me the day i turn 18. He said his love for me in unconditional. I told him i want him to adopt me and he was so happy he cried. thank you for your advice! i talked to my mom! She didn’t even know that I was stressed. She said that she loved me and that no part of her resents me. she said i gave her the courage to leave my dad. She said my stepdad loves me and that they’re both proud of me and need me in their lives. She said that i am a part of her and will always be. she said that i’m allowed to make mistakes and that it’s ok and she’d be there. but she said i should continue being good if i could haha",Step child feels that her mom and stepdad does not love her like their biological children,Step child feels like a burden,,,,Step Child, I don’t know how to adjust to my new stepmom,"I (13m) have two moms. My mom (34f) and my momma (33f) got divorced when I was 10 because my momma cheated with her girlfriend. My mom started dating my stepmom Payton (29f) when I was 11. I love my moms so much but I know that I wasn’t good enough or else momma wouldn’t have cheated so I know the divorce was my fault but I still love them both. My momma has stayed with her girlfriend that she cheated on my mom with Kari (36f). Me and Kari have an alright relationship but I don’t spend much time with her and I tend to only spend time with my momma at her house. My mom proposed to Payton a few months ago and they will be getting married soon. Last night (technically last night cause it’s 2 am) at dinner my mom asked me if I wanted to walk her down the aisle at their wedding. I don’t know why but that made me start crying and when my mom tried to hug me I pushed her away and went to my room and locked my door. I just miss having my moms together. I miss having my family together and it’s all my fault because I wasn’t good enough. It doesn’t matter if both of my moms said that during the divorce that it had nothing to do with me I know that’s a lie because if I had just been a better son my momma wouldn’t have left us and we would still be a family. Me and Payton have an alright relationship and my mom has had me spend time with her so I can get to know her and she is nice and pretty cool but I just don’t know if I really want to bond with her. Does anyone have advice on what to do cause I truly don’t know anymore.",Step child feels it is that they are the cause of parents divorce,,,,,Step child, I love my stepmom more than my mom and I don't feel bad,"When I was 12 years old, my Dad had an affair with my now stepmom A. A was my Dad's assistant. My Mom and Dad got divorced and because my Dad had a better job he had to pay child support. I know it sounds bad but I love A much more than my mom and I honestly understand why my dad cheated. My mom is not a good person, she is narcassitic and extremely entitled and throws fits when she doesn't get what she wants. I remember security had to drag her out of a store because she threw a fit about earrings not being the price she wanted. She is an insufferable person and it is hard to be around her, let alone live with. She was never apprecitive of my dad so I can understand he got lonely and had an affair. I now live with my dad most of the time (im 14 so i can chose who I want to live with) and A has treated me like how a mom should. Even though we have a much smaller age gap (she is 26) she has still been more of a mom to me in two years than my real mom has my entire life. She helps me with homework,actively tries to spend time with me and is clearly a much better person. Im glad my dad chose to be with her because she is a wonderful person. I just want to know if anyone else has a situation similar to this?",Step child expressing their love for their step mom,Step child does not like biological mom,,,,Step mom, My Stepmom had my baby siblings today!,I am (16m) and I've known my stepmom Abby (38f) since I was twelve. Abby is a wonderful person and a great mom. She stepped up to be my mom when I didn't have one and she has always treated me like her own son. When she and my dad told me she was pregnant I was ecstatic as I have always wanted siblings. Today she gave birth to my baby sister and baby brother and I couldn't be happier. When I held them for the first time my heart just melted and when we took a photo Abby had me stand next to her and she told me that she know has three beautiful children. I love my stepmom so much.,Step child expressing love and compassion for step mom,,,,,Step child, Why I love my stepmom,My stepmom Amy is the coolest person I know. She has made me (17m) feel so much love and helped me get through depression. She married my dad when I was six and my real mom died when I was four. Amy has always done her best to be a wonderful mom and I adore her with all of my heart. Two years ago my dad passed away and Amy was made my guardian. Last week she turned 49 and on her birthday I asked her if she would adopt me. She hugged me and said she would and that I am always going to be her little boy.,Step child experssing love for step mom,,,,,, I want to live 50/50 with my (step)mom Kelly,So my (14m) dad and (step)mom Kelly (37f) are going through a divorce. I have known Kelly and my older (step)sister Priscilla (17f) since I was 5 years old. They have been my mom and big sis since I can remember and my dad expects me to not keep in contact with my mom and big sis just because they aren't biologically related to me. I want to live 50/50 with them and when I brought it up to my dad he was surprised. I just don't know what to do and don't want to lose my family.,Step child does not want to lose contact with step mom and step sister,Divorce between biological dad and step mom,,,,Step child, My Step-mom find excuses for everybody and I'm tired of this behaviour,"So little back story: my dad remarried (after his marriage with my mom ended) with my now step-mom (SM) because she had my little sister when I was 7-8 y/o. She already had a boy, who would always pick on me, but she protected from anything. On to the story. So I was at lunch on a Sunday with my dad's side of the family, and we were chatting. We then start talking about old people and expecially my mom's mother who, for your info, is a tattler and says really hurtful things that she knows it will mess with my insecurities (for example she told me I have gained weight on my birthday, which I didn't and I confronted her about it). I told them that. SM's responded with ""well, I don't think she meant it to hurt you"". i told her that my grandmother knew of my insecurity and deliberately tried to hurt me. ""Again, i don't think she meant it"". In that moment I had it. I said ""don't you think that she meant not to hurt me, she wouldn't ask in the first place, and also tried to convince me I gained weight? If you excuse me, I have to leave the table"". And I left. My dad tried to excuse her behaviour, to no success. This was strike 1. 2 month later she broke her arm falling from the stairs and the doctor said she couldn't move her arm whatsoever. That meant that my sad and sister had to do whatever she wanted them to do. After she took her cast off, she couldn' t still move how she wanted. One day, my dad asked her to remove the mosquito net so me and him could put a table outside on the balcony. She couldn't, because ""my arm is still too weak to do such movements"" and , to be honest, she was right, a 100%, it was better for her not to do that. But when I got downstairs I saw her carrying one of the two hard wood drawers of that table. So I said ""Damn, SM, you couldn't remove the mosquito net, but you are doing this? Wow"" And then she sputtered saying that she can this type of movement and whatnot. Then I hear her saying ""she treats me bad, why is she like that?"" To my dad,her cousin and my grandpa. My dad then on the ride home said she really loves me and treats me like her own child. I said "" she's no different from my mom's mom, she talks behind my back and is an hypocrite"". My dad denied this, but I think he feels the same way somedays. From that day on we don't talk much and she became cold with me, but I was just telling what I felt and I shrug thinking of her behaviour or her in general. Thanks for your attention",Step child does not like step mom because she makes too many excuses for people when they do wrong,,,,,Step child, "Update: ""Stepdad"" being released from prison in >7 days","(I don't use reddit very often so i don't know how to link my previous post / context, sorry) So me and my mom have had a couple conversations and a couple arguments and she said that they'll just get their own place to hang out instead of having him live with us. Which is great but i don't completely trust her word. She says that he'll have to stay here for a day or two until he finds a place he could stay which i can bear. My sister will be staying with her friend for the duration he's here and i'm not too sure if i should stay with someone else too because i'm too worried about myself but my sister may see it as a sort of betrayal? i don't know. But their relationship seems to have been really rocky lately so i have my hopes up. Essentially it feels like a game of chance here. Me and sister agreed that we'd live with our respective friends ( we go to different high schools and each friend live really close to our own school) and we'd visit each other often. Hopefully they end their relationship and gets out of our lives.",Step child describing how they do not want to be at home when their step dad is released from prison,,,,,Step child, "Idk how to title this, I just need to vent ab something dumb","So my sister got her phone taken away because she was on it at 12am after being warned twice before not to. That is not my issue here. The problem is the “punishment” my stepmom set my sister to give her a chance to “earn” her wifi back (she got her phone but she was blocked from the WiFi completely, computer and all). To get her wifi privileges back, my sister has to write lines. Actually write lines. 50 times, “I will not abuse my privileges”, and then she has to bring the paper(s) to my stepmom. As if we’re misbehaving boarding school students from 1990’s England. All in all it’s a very lax punishment, barely one at all, but the sheer humiliation that would come with doing it is enough to get me angry on my sister’s behalf (she doesn’t seem to care much, but I think that’s just because she knows that arguing in any way will get her WiFi blocked permanently… at least, until we go back to our mom’s house for the rest of the summer). Writing lines. Are you kidding me? Because she was on her phone at 12am? I’ve been caught staying up until 3am before and the most I had to do was leave my phone in the living room before I went to bed. Jesus Christ.",Step child complaining about the punishment received by his step sister from step mom. The punishment was nothing serious,,,,,Step child, Stepdad Advice,"This is really long, I'm sorry...thanks for people who make it through. So I guess to start things, I should mention that I realize my situation isn't as bad as some people's. I have a stable, safe home, my stepdad isn't abusive or terrible. I just really don't like him, and I don't really know what to do. I'm a 16 y.o. guy and my dad was a police lieutenant who was murdered while on duty when I was 10. I know it sounds corny to say, but he was and is my hero. I totally realize that because he died when I was still a kid, I never really saw him as a person with flaws and stuff, but still to me he was this larger than life hero. Not only was he a cop, but he was really athletic. My favorite picture of us is him doing pushups with me on his back when I was like 7 or so. From what I remember he was also really loving. His family tells me all the time that he always said being my dad made him feel like he found his purpose in life. Obviously my mom was devastated when he died, but she held life together for me. My whole family, but especially my uncle (my dad's younger brother) really stepped up and has been there for me since. Even my dad's old station buddies still drop in to make sure we're okay, and tell me all the time they're here for me. I guess the point is, I've been really lucky to have a massive support system. I tried to step up for my mom too. As soon as I was old enough, I started doing the yard work, I try to help her keep the house clean, and thanks to help from one of my dad's friends, I even helped but in some new Ring flood lights around the house. At the same time, I realize I still have alot of unresolved issues about my dad's murder. I like to think I'm a good kid, I don't do drugs or vape, I get good grades, I'm on the lacrosse team and debate club, I try to use correct grammar, all that stuff. But I'm also so angry that my dad and the life I could have had with him was taken from me. Not like smash holes in the wall and yell at people angry, its just like this knot that stays in my throat all the time. I guess this is the part where I get to the stepdad. My mom started dating him about three years ago, and I am legitimately happy for her. She's been through so much and has done so much for me she deserves to be in love and to be loved. At the same time, I want her to have a new husband, I don't want to have a new dad. I also don't want a new family. When they got engaged, he gave me the whole ""I don't want to replace your dad"" speech and we talked about how important my dad's family was to me and I thought he got my point of view. Fast forward to the wedding, and he made a big show about how he wanted to have a second round of vows where he promises to watchover and take care of me, etc. and my mom does the same for his kids (he has a son and daughter who are here on weekends). I was very adamant about not being in the wedding, not because I didn't support it but because I didn't want to have attention drawn to me. He got really pissy and passive aggressively said we could drop it. Situations like that have happened for the past two years. When we met, I introduced myself with my nickname (only my mom, uncle, grandmas, and one or two very close friends use my full name), but he keeps calling me my full name. I've even gotten to the point when he says my name, I correct him, then respond. My mom has talked to him about it, but he just says something like ""I just do it automatically because that's how I hear you refer to him."" He also tried to mandate ""screen free family time"" on Saturday nights when his kids were over...as if three teenagers want nothing more than to spend their Saturday watching tv together. Even worse, its a ""democracy rules"" situation where his kids always vote for the same show..something I won't like..and he votes with them, so I would have to waste my night watching something I wouldn't otherwise. That went on for months before my mom finally let me duck out. Ever since my dad was murdered, my uncle and I have gone on trips to Universal Studios for Halloween, and last year my stepdad booked tickets for something else the weekend we were going, then acted all hurt and mumbled something like ""I just thought you'd want to do this instead, I hope the tickets are refundable."" Each time stuff like this happens I try desperately to be polite and not be rude, but to just say I don't want to do something. The only time I lost it was when I came back from a night at a friend's house and he had added photos to the digital frame in my room. The pictures on that frame are of me and my dad, and he had added a bunch of pictures of him, his kids, and trips we had taken as a combined group. I totally admit I lost it and acted unacceptably, but I felt so violated. All he could say was ""I figured you needed to freshen up the pictures with your more recent life."" This past year has been especially bad. I came out when I turned sixteen and my mom and family have been amazingly supportive (my uncle and a few cousins are gay, so it's definitely in the family). My stepddad has also been supportive, but in a super awkward not really that supportive way. Once or twice he's said things like ""hey girlfriend,"" and last week when I was on SnapChat he totally asked if I was taking pictures for Grindr. That same week, my mom was out of town and I wanted to stay at a friend's house and he wasn't going to let me because it would be ""inappropriate for me to spend the night with a boy,"" even through my friend is straight. He's also implied that my relationship with my uncle is pervy by saying things like ""don't you think your friends think it's weird for you to spend so much time with your uncle? It'd be more normal for you and me to do some of this stuff."" Totally missing that my uncle has been there for me since I was 10. I try to remind myself that he's probably insecure about the situation, or wants to have a closer relationship, but I just don't like the guy. Even worse the one or two times I've tried to go to him for advice, he was useless. For example, when I got my license I really wanted to learn how to change a tire incase it went flat. When I asked him if he could teach me, he literally gave me instructions on how to call AAA. When I called my dad's old work buddy, he acted all betrayed and hurt. I guess the TLDR is: I don't like my stepdad, he makes my life cringe, and I don't know what to do. Thanks for reading novel and for any comments.",Son does not want the memory of his dad to be replaced ,Son does not want a step dad,,,,Step child, Is it okay that I love my stepparents as much as my real parents?,"Throwaway account btw I (15m) have broken up parents (they were never married). My mom (38f) and my momma (40f) broke up when I was 11. They have since moved on and have been dating other people. My mom has been with my stepmom Katie (36f) for the last 3 years and they got married 5 months ago. Katie has always treated me like I’m her own and has told me that she loves me like if I was her own son. My momma has been with my other stepmom Sheri (41f) for the past two years and they will be getting married in January. Sheri has also been another mom to me and has always tried to be a great stepmom to me. I honestly love my stepmom’s as much as my real moms and I feel bad about that, I don’t Know why but I do. Anyways my birthday is coming up in about a week and I really want all 4 of my moms to be there but it falls on my momma’s custody time and I’m scared she will say no. I don’t know what to do and I’m looking for advice on how to ask my momma and I’m also wondering if it’s okay to love all 4 of them the same. Can anyone help me?",Son asking if it is okay to love all three step moms the same,,,,,Step child, I have a question for all the step kids here,"I just got slammed on twitter for saying that step parents asking to see their step kid’s underwear is kind of weird. For context, OP says that her step mom was just recently introduced to the family and step mom bought her a bra, then requested to see OP in it. This was all on text messages and her way of saying that she wants to see OP in her underwear just rubs me off the wrong way. I was shamed by 500+ ppl for thinking that this is weird and it’s normal for step parents to try and bond with their step kids (imo this doesn’t need to involve underwears esp if she’s a new step mom)",Shamed on twitter,,,,,Step child, How to start? (hoping around on Back-Story),"I'm not really sure how I should begin. honestly me (22M, 23 in a Feb.) and my Step-Dad (?M, ? this year) have never gotten along. We did in the very very beginning when my mom (42F, 43 this year) married him and a little before. but after a few deaths of his relatives, It went downhill and fast. He is an Alcoholic. Well due to that he did do a bit of manipulation without us noticing pinning my mom (thus me) against his dad. Well aside from him used to being constantly drunk and a jerk wad to me (He is better now). Him & my mom well didn't exactly have the best start (his Ex-wife took everything even his daughter (He didn't exactly know how to fight to get her, (Plus well when she did come to finally meet him when we moved in a few years later she was his top priority despite me being there... don't blame him now/ too much))) thus he hid money from their join account thus well the typical fight. Anyway it lead to well me having to keep their marriage alive for a few times by talking to them both and calming everyone down before I was 18. Yes him and my mom do love each other but well due to her past (her Dad (Step-Dad) died due to drinking) well this left her not a huge fan of massive drinking of alcohol. Well she didn't know about how much he drank which after the death kept going up (plus it lead to well him starting to hide it and losing jobs by drinking on the job), he was constantly drunk even when he drove (ironically it took a dui and not him crashing into a fence, to agree to sober up and actually do it). He is sober now for a year+. Plus well near the end of him being constantly drunk I had to do most of the household chores even when he couldn't/wouldn't get a job. It did leave some bit of bitterness at the time due to feeling like a butler, That bitterness is gone. ​ Now for some info on him. He has suffered multiple concussions (He played Soccer), He was also a volunteer Firefighter (well he didn't exactly when sober, keep that knowledge and well a cardboard box caught fire. and filled the house with smoke). And he was an EMT. But you get the whole idea. ​ But on to why I am here after a bit of how it all happened. Well I want to try and call him Dad (I did at first but stopped sense my mom pushed me into it before I was ready) and well try to build up a relationship. Problem is well we're almost polar opposites. I'm a hypochondriac, he won't even see a doctor if he can help it. He is more conservative (not fully but was raised by a 95% conservative parents hi dad still being alive.) (He is fine that I'm gay both are. My mom of course is.) where I'm more your actions define you. He is more of an outdoor person, I'm more indoor. He doesn't exactly understand mental medical problems (I have quite a few), I try to understand them and empathize, He's into sports and not a huge fan of talking while something is on T.V. - Me I can't help but talk about a show or comment when I pay attention and enjoy a show/movie along with me not being a huge fan of sports (more a Video Game Person). Where we have very little in common is my mom. the only other thing is honesty. I just want to know how I can start having a relationship with him. (My mental Medical Problems being Autism (Asperger's), BiPolar, OCD, ADHD/ADD. Also can't Visualize (Aphantasia).) Edit/P.S. 1: I have the emotional Maturity of a 13 year old people say. They Got married when I was 13. Am gonna ask my Therapist if due to all that has happened if I wasn't able to well mature emotionally. Edit 2: TBA (after I talk to my therapist) Answers for FAQ: 1: 2: 3: 4:",Seeking to build a better relationship with stepdad,,,,,Step child, When should we tell the kids we're dating?,"So, I've had an online relationship with a woman for a few years. We're very attached and we're both interested in marriage and some more kids. However, we're still 'never mets' and the kids don't know yet. Now, we're gonna give the kids time to get used to the idea of their mother dating again, etc. We were planning for her to tell them she's dating, get used to that, then I meet them. However, a friend of mine just told me she gets along really well with her SO's kids (they're not married yet, but they already call her mom). She met the kids and was around them for quite awhile *before* they knew she was dating their father. So, I'm wondering what some step kids think? Would meeting them first give them a chance to know and like me before any feelings of loyalty, or the hope that their will get back together, etc. sort of get in the way?",Seeking advice,,,,,Potential step parent, Tired of my stepdad,"So for the past few months I've really started to get annoyed at my step-dad. He and my mom have been together for about 4 years now and I've only recently started to notice things I don't like about him. The thing is, I'm not good at confrontation so I can't tell him ever what's bothering me. However, he told me a couple of months ago that he's actually grown quite fond of me and bc I didn't wanna hurt him so I told him I cared about him too, but honestly I don't. Like if my mom and he broke up, the only thing that would make me sad is that my mom would get sad. Now today my mom and him went out drinking and he got home before my mom and wanted to talk. Recently he found out that his father (the one who raised him) isn't his biological father and he said his whole world view changed. He also said that he's tried to be a parent for me and my older brother and it really bothers me. I don't need him! He's irrelevant in my life!! Then he also said he's been trying to be a good 'parent' bc our relationship with our father ""is what it is"". Like excuse me but my relationship with my father may not be near to perfect, but if you think you can replace him I'll be damned!! He's 100 times better than you'll ever be. I'm just getting more and more annoyed with my stepdad and just don't know what to do or how much longer I can live in the same house as him.",Resentment towards stepdad for apparent overstepping,Stepdad showing ,,,,, What should I get my redneck stepdad for Christmas?,"My stepdad loves outdoors, fishing, meat, country music, drinking, he’s a truck driver. I want to get him something nice for Christmas but I’m so far from all that so I’m having a hard time. Ideas?",Query about what to get stepdata for Christmas,,,,,Step child, Am I (22F) in the wrong for not having StepDad be father of the bride?,"So my parents (49M and 46F) broke up when I was a baby and later on when I was 8 my dad met my StepMom who I'll be calling Laina (47F), my mom met my StepDad who I will call Frank (51M) when I was 11. They got married when I was 13. Frank tried being my dad and I hated it, he never respected boundaries, was kinda creepy by trying to talk to me about feminine hygiene, etc. He hated that I never called him dad and it led to us just not having a relatinship. He and my mom got divorced when I was 19 after he cheated on her. For my wedding I will be having my dad as father of the bride and both my Mom and Laina as mothers of the bride, they are fine with this. I have not kept much contact with Frank since my mom left him but he found out about my wedding and called me furious, asking why he wasn't included as a father of the bride. I told him that he was never a father figure and that he wasn't even my stepdad anymore. He got pissed and started yelling about how he was more of a man than my father ever was and other crap so I just hung up. I told my mom and she said she got calls from him too and that he threatened her. She told me to consider just doing it to stop any drama but I am pretty firm on this. Frank has been bombarding me on social media calling me a terrible excuse for a human and daughter. So I don't know what to do anymore.",Poor relationship between step child and step dad,Passive Mother,,,,Step child, My mum wont break up with my stepdad,"a few things to mention before i explain anything: - my dad died three years ago in early 2020 (not due to covid) - my mum isnt married to my stepdad, but they are in a serious relationship so i will be referring to him as such - my mum, stepdad (and dad) are all polyamorous and my mum goes on various dates with other people (i dont mind this) - my mum was in a relationship with stepdad while my dad was still alive - i found out about my parents’ polyamory when i was 12 and never had an issue before this - stepdad has a son (7M) whos mum died a year ago - we only live together on weekends in a shared house i (15F) am sick of my mum (50F) arguing with her partner (59M). they have been primary partners ever since my dad died and everything was chill for maybe a year. but as my stepdad got more and more involved in our lives they started to fight more and more often. its gotten to the point where i usually hear them screaming at eachother one a week. its usually just yelling but my mum has thrown a wine glass at him once before. in the past, my mum has told me that shes ended it with him and that she doesnt think it’ll work out between them but a few days later theyre usually back together again and fighting the next weekend. this weekend, one of stepdads coworkers was invited over. apparently they discussed that she would come over at some point but it was never established when and for how long. she showed up out of nowhere last night saying she would stay the night and neither my mum nor my stepdad had any idea she would do this. she was later asked to leave and another massive fight was started. im so fucking sick of them yelling at eachother any chance they get and im worried for my stepbrother and how this will affect him.",Polyamorous parents,Mom and step dad are always fighting,,,,Step child, My stepdad bottles up his feelings and then takes it out on me,"So I've been living with my Mom and stepdad for quite some time now, growing up my biological father was an acholic and left, a couple years later my mom met my current stepdad when I was in 4th grade, I'm currently 20 years old. Growing up I was a pretty lazy kid that liked to skip school and play video games all day and oftentimes I would hear him muttering to himself about how useless I was so naturally my opinion of him wasn't the greatest. He would continue to do this for quite some time. Fast forward to today, I graduated form high school and wasn't sure what to do with my life and a part of me still feels this way but I've been working on being more productive I.E going to work, working out, cooking for myself, my current goal is to be a professional bodybuilder and Im working very hard to reach my goal. But still to this day he is always quiet, angry and would snap at the smallest of problems like not cleaning the dishes right after or not doing laundry even though I'm not asked to. Eventually he would let out these bottled feelings and come screaming at me, using every every work under the sun just to prove to himself that I'm useless even tho I know I'm not. I've talked to my Mom about this and she also agrees he can be crazy sometimes. Unfortunately once the ball starts rolling anything I say or do just makes the problem worse. I came to reddit because I feel like this is the only place I can talk about this anonymously and this problem is really starting to weigh down on me. Thank you so much for reading",Passive Mother,Step parent refusing to view stepchild from a better perspective,Step dad pours out bad feelings on step child,,,Step child, Jealous stepmom,"Y’all, I cannot deal with this anymore. I am 23F and my dad and stepmom are in their 50s. My parents divorced when I was younger, and my biological mother passed when I was 17, ironically the same week my dad and stepmom got married. For the past 6 years I’ve dealt with my stepmother being ridiculously jealous of me. Since I’m older, my dad and I used to have daddy-daughter dates for some bonding one-on-one time, but those quickly came to a stop when my stepmom decided she didn’t like that he was spending time with me outside of her even though I haven’t lived at home since I was 18 so she gets his attention full time. SM has no kids of her own, so I understand that she can’t comprehend my relationship with my dad. 2 years ago I went 8 months of no contact with my dad and SM due to the disrespect that she gives to me and how my dad allows it. Since, we have managed to get back on decent terms. We decided to vacation to London and Paris this week as my dad wanted to experience my first out of country vacation with me. Stepmom is along with her nephew (21M) and it started out fine. We are 5 days in and I can say she has ultimately ruined this experience for me and I have decided to never travel with her again. Some examples: my dad was taking photos of me in front of the Eiffel Tower and she quickly got angry and started yelling at my dad “Take my picture! You should be taking my photo, I’m your wife!” She continued to bitch and whine about this for 2 hours following the incident. Yesterday, I had a work call I needed to be on that afternoon, so I asked to go back to the hotel to have some quiet and I would meet them afterwards- but my dad decided he wanted to come back as well to rest before dinner and the nighttime tour through Paris. When stepmom and her nephew came back to hotel to get ready for dinner, she pulled me out in the hallway and yelled at me for leaving them without telling them and no battery on their phones. (I sent texts to both stepmom and nephew that I would be leaving for a couple of hours and my dad told them in person that we would be going back to hotel. There was no mention of low battery on phones and they were definitely made aware of our absence). I simply apologized that she felt that way and reminded her that I had told her many times about my scheduled call. She had a horrible attitude the rest of the day. It was miserable. My dad went to compliment my outfit today and I shushed him and mentioned how I didn’t want my stepmom to hear because she will get angry and be in a nasty mood. My dad is my only living parent and I would love to keep my relationship with him, but I cannot handle my stepmother anymore. It hurts that he cannot show love to me without her being so nasty to me and my dad about it. My dad is a quiet man and won’t stand up for himself although he mentions to her that he doesn’t like her attitude but nothing changes. Overall, she’s beyond immature. And I’ve completely supported myself since 18 yrs old, so all I can do is remove myself from them. Which hurts me so much since I long for the relationship with my dad, but I’ve kinda given up. Anyone relate? I feel so alone.",Passive Father,Jealous stepmom,,,,Step child, Does my stepmom hate me or does she just not like me?,"So my dad is basically Mr. Worldwide with all the women he dated only to end up with a local (that being my stepmom). By that point I was I wanna say... 11 and was so used to dad's lady friends coming and going that I was just waiting for them to break up. But nah, they ended up being married. At the start of meeting Stepmom her and I would interact a fair amount. She would ask me how school was and I ended up saying ""Same old same old"" and would go to my room to daydream. But other than that we would talk. Sometimes get our nails done. It was nice. I acted cutesy and childish (without realizing it, I changed myself in hopes of her loving me). That would then cause insecurities of her not loving me which upset her. My insecurities stemmed from this one bitch my dad dated who would make me stay over at mom's simply because she didn't want me around dad. And dad would comply. So of course that scarred little me (I was 9 or 10 at the time of that fiasco.) Stepmom from then on was more distant with me. There were also some incidents where we would play around (she plays rough) and I would then start to freak out because again I was traumatized from that other girl dad used to date. So she stopped playing with me. Whenever Stepmom wanted to pull a prank or something on dad I would rat because I just thought we were joking around or some shit I don't know! So here we are now... distant as all hell. Our conversations last around 10 seconds to 2 minutes tops. I remember opening up to her recently about how I was catcalled and followed in hopes of her warming up some more but she just said ""Did you tell your parents? Maybe you shouldn't be walking around alone."" When I explained that this happened right down my block and in broad daylight she went ""Hm."" And that was the end of the conversation. On Christmas she buys plenty of gifts for me including anxiety books (she knows I have it) and then that makes me so conflicted because I'm like... so she doesn't hate me? Or is she just like ""ah she's whatever"" with me? I remember one time my dad was being a douche and said ""go get the thing"" as he pointed to a bunch of stuff. When I said I don't know what he's talking about he gets angry and got slightly more specific albeit still rude. I then said ""Ah ok. But you... didn't have to say it like that."" Then Stepmom, who was quiet during the whole thing, inserted herself in the situation saying ""you're a child, he's the adult, he can talk to you however he wants"" and I'm thinking ""Tf? Whenever my dad is being a pos you say nothing but the moment I respectfully bring up a good point suddenly you hope in and say something?"" Like... I can't figure her out! Maybe deep down she really does care about me but just doesn't know how to deal with me. And I don't know how to deal with her. Hell I wouldn't be surprised if deep down I actually resent her to a degree! I remember crying about how she doesn't seem affectionate with me and she said she does that because she simply wasn't raised like that and that I'm not her biological kid so she's unsure how my mom would feel about that (she brought up a good point but little me was not mentally mature enough to truly get that) I guess she can't figure me out just like I can't figure her out.",Passive father,Difficult relationship with stepmom,,,,Step child, How can I help my daughter with her weekend transitions?,"Looking for advice from those of you who have lived through a two home reality: Background: My 7 year old daughter goes to her dads every other weekend from Thurs-Sun. It’s always been somewhat difficult when she transitions from home to home because deep down she’s a homebody who just likes settling in. It’s not atypical for me to get a call from her dads crying that she wants to come home. Even less typical, but it’s happened more than once, that she wants to go back to her dads when she’s home. My current husband has been in the picture since she was around 2, and they get along fantastically. Hubby and I just had a baby three months ago, and she’s a huge fan of her new sister. Current state: Since sis has been born, she has been calling me from her dads a couple times each weekend bawling, almost to the point of hyperventilating, begging me to pick her up. Sometimes we’ll be on the phone for like thirty minutes of me trying to calm her down encouraging deep breaths, asking her what she likes about dads, encouraging her to do art (even sent her with an outlet box of her favorite activities to keep there), etc. Each time I’m pretty firm that she needs to stay at dads house. Her dad seems to be patient with her and eventually they’ll go on a walk to the park or something to settle her down. Even a couple days before she goes to her dads, she’ll have moments of deep dread where she’ll hide under her covers all sad because she doesn’t want to have to go to his house. Each time she’s having a moment, when I ask her why she doesn’t want to go to dads, or what she doesn’t like about dads, she’ll say something to the extent of “it’s not home.” Or “you guys aren’t there with me.” My hearts breaking for her. I got a list of mental health resources (mostly therapists and psychiatrists) from my pediatrician bc I just don’t know what to do. My ex and I get along to the extent that we’re both reasonable about her needs, but I don’t feel comfortable stepping in and telling him what he needs to do differently with her because I don’t know if it’s my place. Im not there, so I don’t know what he’s already tried that hasn’t worked before she calls me. And I don’t want to sound more judgy than supportive coparent, resulting in him not letting her call me when she’s there. Any advice? Is this normal or should I be more concerned? Anything that’s worked for you if this sounds familiar? Has pediatric or family therapy worked for anyone? Is there anything I can do to help her be less sad? Did anything work for you if you went through something like this?",Parent asking a question,,,,,Parent, What can I do to have a relation with my dad's wife when she gives me anxiety? I just don't want to be rude,"So my (21F) dad has been married to his wife for some years now, she moved in with us 2010ish and our relationship has been rocky. Not that we fight or anything, just some underlying trust issues and not liking each other. Personally I think she could've treated me and my brother better. She treated us like we were adults when we were kids and did dumb kid stuff. Yes I can admit that I did some stuff I'm not proud of (like using her shampoo but I did same with my mom's stuff so I didn't think it was that bad), and only times I've apologized I've either been somewhat forced to or geniuenly feel bad/and sorry for her. I'm pretty sure she didn't want more kids or just bad at handling kids (she has a daughter who's 9 years older than me). She has never apologized for anything she has done to me and my brother (she wrote once on fb about me and him) and I don't expect an apology from her anymore. Idk if she's too dumb, proud to realize how she has treated us or if she just thinks she's right. Ik my dad and her have fought a lot when it comes to me and my brother, her thinking dad has brought us up wrong and general opinions in his parenting style. I've developed a loooot of anxiety and I think bad self esteem with time. Anyways the point is I'm at a point where I want to forgive and forget. Mostly for myself. I don't expect anything from her. I'm hopefully moving out soon for uni (if I get in) so I feel like there is no reason I can't move on, be the bigger person and try to at least not actively dislike her. I want to be indifferent to her, like a classmate you can chat with but not friends with. The thing is I get so much anxiety around her. I can barely speak and I don't know what do/say around her. We live in Europe and dad and her got together when we lived in South America, so she mostly just speaks Spanish, which is my second language. So I was thinking it's maybe the language cause I'm not thaaaat confident in Spanish and I only speak Swedish with dad (everyone speaks Spanish at home, just more comfortable with Swedish with dad). I've also come to realize I have absolutely nothing, at all, whatsoever, to say to her. Nada. So maybe that's another reason I can't speak to her? I've been at dad's place now for two days, yesterday we didn't even see each other. She woke up at like 2pm and then she and dad went out all day. I never left my room when she was home. I wanted to at least say hi or something but the anxiety prevented me from doing so. And ik that the more I avoid the issue the more anxiety I get and I don't want that for myself, or to let her have that type of power over me (intentional or not). So basically I need advice or what to do. How to handle the anxiety and what to say. Because I really don't have anything to say, and ik I'm being rude avoiding her and I don't want that. It's just that I am so lost on how to even begin doing anything. Have you guys gone through something similar?",No love from stepmom,,,,,Stepchild, Mourning the fact I'll never have a father.,"I grew up with an abusive step dad and a mom who chose him over me and to stay with him. I tried so hard growing up for him to love me and nothing worked. It hurt seeing him treat my sister (his kid) better than me while he used me like an emotional punching bag. I wish I had a dad that loved me growing up and the hardest thing I'm dealing with is coping with the fact that my childhood is over and I'll never have a father who loves me.",No love from stepdad,abusive stepdad,Step child regrets that they would never have a childhood with a loving father,,,Step child, Question for step kids.,"Been with fiancé going on 6 years. Step daughter 9’s mom is high functioning but very mentally ill. She’s been telling SD “your dad loves your step mom more than he loves you” and worse since the kid was 3. At 4 years old she told her she would die if the kid was nice to me. Naturally the kid trying to save her mom’s life was a jerk. She’ll make up lies and do whatever she can to make sure her daughter and I don’t have a healthy relationship bc she’s still not over the dad. Sooo for years she bad mouthed us, some things were true, lots were completely made up. Most times I’ve done something nice with my Sd resulted in angry phone calls stating “you think she’s a better mom than me? She’ll stop caring about you the moment her and your dad break up”. My fiancé refused to tell his daughter the truth about how sick her mom was but recently we have been. Sd would often accuse us of things her mom said or just be moody based on something she said and she seemed visibly depressed. I keep hearing that there should be a presentation of a united front, but I also don’t know how well this works when both parties don’t agree to do this. The mom has bpd and is a narcissist so she will only act like she’s on teams with us to achieve an ulterior motive. Do you think controlling the narrative matters or should we let the kid believe lies about us? How should I as a step parent interact with the kid knowing it will agitate her mom and cause more trauma? At this point it’s been emotionally traumatic for me, so I’m pretty dissociated when she’s around (every other week), but I don’t feel like it’s healthy. I’m very cordial, but we also barely talk when I’m watching her. Is this doing more damage? I guess I’m asking “when your mom blatantly hates and attacks your step mom + dad and uses you as a pawn, what is the most realistic way for your dad and step mom to create a healthy environment?” Also how do I deal with the discomfort of SD coming around due to all the trauma stemming from her being there?",Mom sabotaging step mon's relationship with kids through manipulation and lies,Passive Father,Caring stepmom who is hurt,Asking a question,,Step mom, Stepmom hates me and it ruined my relationship with my dad,"Sorry in advance if this gets a bit ranty/disorganized, this just has been building up over years and I never got to properly talk about it... I'm not necessarily looking for advice and more just to rant, but if anyone does have any kind of advice on how to handle this, I wouldn't mind that either. So, both of my parents got married again after their divorce, and it's been a few years. Both assured me they'd always love me, there's always a place for me, and so on... My stepdad is awesome, if a bit rough around the edges. He never had kids, so some things were hard to navigate, but I really think him, my mom and I have grown into a happy, healthy family. My stepmom on the other hand pretty much destroyed my relationship with my dad. I honestly don't know why... I like to think I wasn't a troublesome kid to deal with. There was exactly one time I lied to them, when we visited my grandma on mom's side of the family and I told my dad I wasn't in town, then they found out I actually was and got mad, but I really think that's the only time I outright did something ""bad"". And honestly, at first it seemed like my stepmom liked me, but at some point things tipped over and every time I visited, there was something I did wrong in her eyes... I was too quiet, too introverted, too ""dirty"" (just normal issues with hygiene that most teens deal with I'd say), I slept for too long, I didn't help out enough... And I tried my best to fix the things I could. I showered every day, put on an alarm to get up earlier, and offered to help (which always just got me an annoyed look of ""Should've offered that sooner"", even if I did it as soon as I noticed her cleaning something or being in the kitchen) but it just didn't change, there still was always something to berate me about. I feel like she just didn't like my mom's parenting style and things that my mom was totally fine with just bothered her but idk, it always felt like I was this huge problem. To put it into perspective... At the hight of my anxiety, the small voice in my head that was always nagging me about everything I did sounded like her voice, that's how bad it was for years. So, to no one's surprise, I became less and less comfortable with being there and generally had less contact with my dad. Then she got mad about that, that I didn't reach out enough. One time she sat me down, told me it made my dad sad that I didn't text him more and followed it up with essentially ""You better fix this, because everyone who upsets my husband is my enemy""... Like, why would you say that to someone who's... 13-15 years old? I get that I could've done more and to an extend I regret that, but at the same time it sometimes felt like it was only me who had to put in the effort of staying in contact, never them. I'm 20 now and this whole thing has progresses to me now being almost NC with my dad (partially due to generally being uncomfortable there and partially because he was never on my side/backed her up on a lot of things). I text him on father's day and his birthday, but that's it. I tried wishing my stepmom a happy birthday too last time, but she left me on read so... I guess I know where I stand there. Last year I spent christmas with his side of the family, but he was really busy and stepmom essentially ignored me. That was kind of the final nail in the coffin, I just don't want to go there anymore. So yeah, I genuinely think once my grandma (who lives with them since she's sick) dies, that's gonna be my last tie to that side of the family breaking. I'm not interested on continuing a relationship with a side of the family where one party hates me and the other doesn't really care. This is already ranty enough so if you've read until now, feel free to leave it at that, but since I'm already on it, I might as well get some of the other things out that have built up over the years... - For one, she has sons too and, big surprise, when they started being teenagers, they got pretty similar to me (""lazy"", sleeping a lot, typical teenage smelliness) and it essentially wasn't an issue. - One time my grandma gave me a bit of money that I accidentally kept inside my pants pocket and when stepmom found it while doing laundry, she barged in, thrusted the money towards me and asked what that was... Later called my grandma to confirm she gave me that money, so I very much think stepmom just assumed I stole that which... I've never stolen anything in my life and idk why she immediately jumped to that conclusion - One time her and my dad had a fight over something and when she later walked by him and me hugging, she flipped out again, insulted him etc., and he said smth along the lines of ""Are you upset again because my daughter is visiting?"" She denied it at the time, but I have reason to believe that might really have been an issue - Made me believe there was something genuinely wrong with me for being quiet and preferring to be home and not having/wanting a whole lot of friends (essentially just being an introvert)... I thought for years I was just broken, until I eventually realized it's okay to be an introvert, but before that were years of thinking I was terrible for being the way I am - I went out with my stepbrothers one time and was just taking a break while they rode around with their bikes in the other direction... They apparently ran into my stepmom's cousin, and told me so when they got back, but when I turned around to check, nobody was there. Cousin apparently called my stepmom and told her how I didn't say hi, so stepmom chewed me out for being so rude... When I said I didn't see cousin, she just wouldn't believe me and told me to stop making excuses. - She got hung up about me being selfish because I ate a lot of food once or something... Later that same day we all shared some fruit and when I finished my piece, my dad offered me to get the rest of his. I said several times I didn't want it but he insisted, so when I finally gave in just to make the discussion stop, stepmom exploded because ""That's exactly what I meant, you're so selfish""... I still don't know what I was supposed to do in that situation other than forever be in a cycle of ""I don't want it"" ""Just take it, it's okay"" - We went to visit stepmom's family for christmas one year and I wasn't told we'd be staying over night, so I didn't have a change of clothes... The next day I tried to sit with everyone and my stepmom randomly leaned in and quietly told me I smelled horrible, which just made me feel bad and I essentially spent the rest of the day sittinf away from everyone else because I felt like I'd be bothering them otherwhise... In turn, I was then bad for not socializing - One time we were looking for a movie to watch on Netflix and when they read through one I just noted I had already watched that one (kind of in a neutral tone, in my mind I was gonna add smth about whether it was good or not) and she immediately cut me off saying in am annoyed tone that nobody cares - Last year on Christmas I actually had a bit of a talk with my grandma and she randomly noted how she often felt like my stepmom maybe was jealous of me, which honestly... Yeah, it might be an explanation for a lot of things? But at the same time I don't get it, because... I'm my dad's daughter, I'm never going to fulfill the same role as his wife - One year they sent me a birthday present as a package which got delivered to the post office due to us not being home and I couldn't pick it up before my birthday so I was gonna pick it up that afternoon... Then I got a long text from my dad on my birthday, right after school (when I couldn't even have unpacked anything yet) about how he was so disappointed that I didn't even say thanks (when before that I think HE hadn't even wished me a happy birthday) and so on, and I really couldn't say anything other than ""I didn't get it yet, sorry, I'll pick it up later."" Then I got an angry text by my stepmom about how she's going to check via post tracking if I was lying... Which I obviously wasn't, so I didn't hear back, but nobody ever apologized for blowing up at me. Now that's REALLY all I've got for now, sorry for making it so long, I don't think anyone even read this far (Which is fine, I guess this is more a rant for myself than anything)",Mean step mom,Passive father,Step child does not feel at home ,,,Step child, I don't know why and I'm done,"I can't believe I never searched for a stepkids subreddit before. I found this on my primary account and created this new account to post here. I don't really know how to talk to people about what I went through with my stepmom and bio-dad, I don't think anyone who had a nuclear family really understands what stepkids can go through and the way media presents it is so dumb. It always gets presented as either step-parents are assholes and biological parents are the only ones who can love their children (looking at you, Roland Emmerich) OR it's just the step-parent trying to make things work and the kid hates them. My step-mom hates me and I don't why. At first, she was really sweet and amazing and I thought I was so lucky to have two sets of parents that loved me. After my step-mom and bio-dad got married, that's when she became very distant and somewhat verbally abusive and my bio-dad was okay with it. My interpretation of it was that she was just trying to ""get in"" and once she was in, she wanted me ""out"". She tried to spend as little as time as possible around me after that and never spoke to me unless it was necessary. The few times it was necessary, it was usually over my performance in college. I had moved to their area to go to college there as at the time, I didn't understand what was happening and I thought if I tried to be in their lives more, maybe things would be different. I did not think about how my mom and step-dad would feel about this. I apologized to them later after some real shit went down between my step-mom/bio-dad and me about grades. Fortunately they forgave me. I think they understood that I was confused and was not trying to abandon them for ""my REAL family"" or something bizarre like that. But at the time I saw my relationship with my bio-dad and step mom failing and I desperately wanted to save it. I went to a school I had just barely gotten into and the courses I took were beyond my capability because I was trying to get into a field that was seen as successful to impress my family. I was miserable and when I was confronted by my step-mom and bio-dad about my grades, She said ""I always knew you couldn't do it"". The distant just got worse from there. Her whole demeanor would change around me. Anytime I was around, I hardly ever saw her smile or express anything that would constitute interest in a conversation or being in area that I was in, but whenever I saw her with anyone else, it was all smiles and joy and warm-ness. It started to strike home in me that she just hated me and there might not be a cure for it. My bio-dad tried to compromise between my step-mom and me. Looking back at it makes me wonder how I tolerated it. It was so pathetic. But at the time, so was I. There was a point where I took out my anger on my step-dad/bio-mom for how college was going for me and I went to stay with step-mom/bio-dad. It was awful, they threatened to make me homeless by no longer supporting me through college. I had no money. My bio-dad decided not to go through with it, but I'm sure my step-mom was not happy with that decision. For the next few years I was terrified that they would pull the rug from under me and finish college. I started working to make myself as financially independent as possible. I finished school and started working in a field I was decent at. I tried to salvage what was left of our relationship, but after awhile I realized I that there was nothing that could cure what was once fear, my now hatred of my step-mom and bio dad. It pisses me off every single day. I'm so angry at them for being the way that they were. I would never accept a partner that didn't love my kids, I would never marry someone with kids and not be their parent. If I was my bio-dad, I would've divorced my SO for this shit. They are no longer in my life and they will never see their first grandchild or see me get married. I don't claim to be perfect, but I do claim to have thought that if I loved my step-mom and dad, then things would've worked out It's not all bad though. Contrasted to my step-mom and everything I just wrote, my step-dad is incredible. He is a great dad and just a great guy really. My mom really lucked out for sure. They have a couple kids now and we are not treated differently from each other. My step-dad told me once that he sometimes gets asked ""how can you love kids that are not your own?"" (which just goes to show the general attitude towards stepkids) and he responses ""Hell sometimes I like them more than my own"" which I thought was pretty funny. Sometimes my siblings are pretty annoying (when are siblings not, right? lol). I love my half-siblings as my own. I don't explain to anyone that we're half-siblings unless they ask because A) I don't see them as my half-siblings and B) I'm not ashamed of what we are. I still see them often and we are pretty happy. I guess in the end, your real family are the ones that are not bound by blood or marriage, but simply by love. I don't know why people enter these relationships with hate for their step-kid, but I'm done with it and I never want anything to do with them again",Mean step mom,Psssive father,,,,Step child, Is it bad that I love my stepmother,"Hello I (14f) have known my stepmom Lauren (37f) since I was 8. My parents divorced because my dad (41m) cheated with Lauren but they kept me shielded from the divorce and my mom (46f) has never spoken badly of my dad. Now I need to say that I absolutely love my mom. We are extremely close and I love her a lot but last year she moved two hours away so now I only see her every other weekend. Now I also need to say is that I also love Lauren alot. Lauren has always sort of been my second mom and 4 years ago she gave birth to my baby brother. Yesterday Lauren told me that if I wanted to call her mom I could. Now I do want to but I feel like because she is an affair partner it would be disrespectful to my mom. I just don’t know what to do and I really need advice.",Lovng stepmom,Step child struggling to call stepmom mom,,,,Step child, My stepparents are awesome,"So I (15m) have been reading some of the posts on here and they are all mostly depressing (ie stepparents treating you like crap etc) so I wanted to remind people that there are good stepparents out there My stepmom Sophia is one of the kindest women ever and she has always treated me like one of her own kids (she has 2 my brother Jay and sister Emily) and yesterday after me and my boyfriend (14m) went to our school’s homecoming dance she picked me up and she told me how proud she was of me for asking a boy to go with me which was something she never got the courage to do afterwards we got ice cream and went home. My stepdad John is an awesome guy due to me and him being the only males at my mom’s house (other than me and him it’s just my mom,twin sister,and sister Sarah) we tend to spend a lot of time together.One time he took me fishing and it was really fun even though we only caught a couple fish and he has told me that even though I’m not his biological kid he will always see me as his son. So I hope this made someone’s day better knowing that there are stepmoms and stepdads that love their step kids as much as their own kids Have a wonderful day",Loving step parents,,,,,Step child, How do I get my stepmom to stop being so overprotective of me?,"Me (15 male), my stepmom Marjorie (45 female) I've known my stepmom Marjorie since I was a little kid. My parents got divorced and my real mom was fully out of the picture by the time I was eight. My dad married Marjorie when I was seven. After my mom was out of the picture Marjorie really stepped up and became a mother figure to me and I am greatly appreciative of her. Last year my dad passed away suddenly in a car accident and it seems as if ever since then Marjorie has always been very overprotective of me. She was made my legal gurdian after he died so that is why im still with her and not other family. Marjorie no longer lets me go out with friends after school, won't even let me stay up late on the weekends, has this need to be around me most of the day, won't let me get a job, etc, etc. I love her but it is super annoying, whenever I am around her she basically clings to me and acts like if I want to be left alone then I am abandoning her. She attempts to spend every waking moment with me when sometimes I just want to be left alone. On top of all that she keeps babying me and acting like she has to help me with EVERYTHING, whether it be from doing my laundry to making a sandwhich. I love my stepmom, I really do but I am just tired of her being so overprotective. Can anyone please help me with this?",Loving step mon,Overprotective step mom,,,,Step child, My (step) mom told me I mean the world to her,"My (14 male) birth mom died giving birth to me. My dad married my (step) mom Vanessa (41f) when I was 3. Vanessa is the best mom I could have ever asked for. She’s always shown me motherly love and has always been there for me. My dad got sick and passed away last year and Vanessa was made my legal guardian. Vanessa and I took it really hard and we will always miss him. But now we have moved on and been living happy since. Vanessa told me she might try dating again but she isn’t sure. Anyways we had a pretty good day today, when she picked me up from school we sat on our couch together and watched a movie. Afterwards she helped me with homework and then she told me that I mean the world to her and that it doesn’t matter what anyone says, she will always be my mom. It kind of made me cry a little. Well just wanted to share something positive on this sub, hope you have a great day!",Loving step mon,,,,,Step child, Just started calling my stepmom ‘mom’,"My (14 male) real mom died when I was 5 and my stepmom Emily (38f) married my dad (34m) when I was 8. I love Emily a lot and she is the only mom I have memories of. Emily has always been the most loving and caring person I know even when she was just dating my dad she would babysit me and do all the mom stuff like read me stories, play with me,just do fun things with me,etc. Today I decided that Emily deserves to have the title of mom so when she made breakfast this morning I said “thank you mom”. Her face just lit up and she gave me a huge hug and told me that she loves me more than anything. I love my mom.",Loving step mon,Step child called her mom for the first time,,,,Step child, My (16m) stepmom just asked to adopt me and I don’t know how to feel,"Hi this is a throwaway account cause I don’t want it traced back to my og one. My mom died when I was 7 and my dad (38m) married my stepmom Rachel (44f) when I was 8. A part of me feels like he moved on too quick but I realize it was his life and he deserved to be happy again but they got married just after 6 months of dating. Rachel has always respected my boundaries and has treated me like her own. I love Rachel a lot but I don’t think she could ever really be “my mom”, when I think of my parents I think of my mom and dad first and her as secondary. It doesn’t mean I don’t love her I just don’t love her the same as my mom. Well tonight my dad had to work late so it was just me and Rachel. We were watching a movie when she said she wanted to ask me an important question. I asked what was up and she told me that she knows I still miss my mom and that it’s completely fine but that she also really loves me and that it’s up to me but she would like to adopt me because she loves me so much and wants me to have the benefits of an adoption. She gave me time to think and I honestly don’t know what to do. Apart of me wants to say yes and another part of me wants to say no. I still love and miss my mom so much but I also love Rachel and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I have to choose between my real mom and my second mom and I don’t know who to choose. Can anyone give me advice cause I really need it.",Loving step mom,step son struggling with whether to say yes to an adoption,,,,Step child, How do I start calling my stepmom mom?,"I’m (17 male) my mom died when I was 6 and my dad (46 male) married my stepmom Rebecca (49 female) when I was 9. I will admit I have always been what you would call a ‘mama’s boy’, so when my mom died I was absolutely devastated and so when Rebecca came along I immediately attached myself to her. Rebecca had been an amazing mom to me and I absolutely love her and she is the person I look up to the most. She told me she was t trying to replace my real mom but that she wanted to be a good stepmom to me. Rebecca has always introduced me as her son and when she had my two little sisters (6 female and 4 female) she said that she had 2 daughters and 1 son. I have always viewed Rebecca as my mom and so now I want to start calling her mom. I’m just really nervous and I kind of feel like it would be hurtful and disrespectful to my real mom’s memory to do so. I don’t know what to do at all so can anyone help me?",Loving step mom,Step son feels calling his step mom mom might be a betrayal to his biological mom's memory,,,,Step child, Just asked my stepmom to adopt me!!!!,"So my (15m) stepmom Janice (29f) has been in my life since I was 9 but not as my stepmom. My bio mom has never been in my life so it was mostly just me and my dad (36m) for a while. Janice was my history teacher and she met my dad at parent teacher conferences. Within two years they were married. Janice has always been the mom I never had and I love her to death. I started calling her mom when I was 12. Yesterday was her birthday and I had wanted Janice to adopt me for a long time now but I was too scared to ask. So during her birthday dinner I handed her a card that asked if she would adopt me. She cried and said absolutely. I love my mom and I can’t wait to have her become my legal mom. Anyways thought I would share something positive. Have a lovely day!",Loving step mom,Step son asked step mom to adopt him,,,,Step child, How to start calling my stepmom (37f) just mom?,"Hello I’m (14m). My bio mom has never really bothered to be in my life. When I was 2 she had an affair with her boss and then moved to Nevada with him and left me and my dad. She signed her parental rights away when I was 3. My dad (43m) met my stepmom Vanessa (37f) when I was 6 and they got married when I was 9. She adopted me when I was 10 and she has always treated me like I’m her own child and has always called me her son. I love Vanessa a lot and I want to call her mom but I’m not sure. I’m not sure because the word ‘mom’ for me carries a negative connotation due to my bio mom walking out on me and never bothering to see me after birthing me and raising me for two years. It hurts even more because I have old home videos of her and I see her saying how much she loves me and it sucks. Anyways Vanessa has always been there for me and I love her so much and I want advice on how to start calling her mom. Does anyone have advice for me?",Loving step mom,Step son needs advice on how to start calling stepmom mom,Negative connotation with the word mom,,,Step child, Am I wrong for loving both my stepmoms,"When I (14m) was 9 my parents got divorced because my dad (39m) cheated on my mom (40f) with Christie (35f). I was sad they were getting divorced and I didn’t take any side. My mom met Angela (32f) when I was 10 and married her when I was 11 and my dad married Christie when I was 12. I will be honest and say that I love Christie and Angela they both treat me like I’m their own son and me and Christie have lots of shared interests while me and Angela are both huge movie nerds so we like to watch films together. I feel bad for loving my stepmoms so much and I feel like I should hate Christie for being my dad’s mistress but I just can’t bring myself to hate her. Yesterday Christie dropped me off at my mom’s and I said “bye Christie I love you”. My mom overheard and looked upset but didn’t say anything. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love my mom but we just don’t have many things in common so we don’t tend to hang out a lot when I’m at her house instead it’s just me and Angela that hang out. Christie also tends to help me with my homework since my mom is just not very good with it and is also quite busy so me and Angela spend time alone together most of the time and it’s always fun to hear her stories about her family and her funny stories from back in her home country (she is Australian). I love my stepmoms just as much as my real mom and I feel bad about it so am I wrong for loving my stepmoms?",Loves stepmoms as much as biological mom but feels bad for it,,,,,Step child, Is it okay that I love both my mom and my stepmom?,"Hello I (15m) have divorced parents. They divorced when I was 6. My dad (39m) met my stepmom Cheri (44f) when I was 7 and they married when I was 10. My mom (37f) on the other hand has never really had a stable relationship. For example her first boyfriend didn’t have any interest in me so she dumped him. Her second one tried to come in and act like he was my dad and would actively pick fights with my dad. Her third boyfriend tried to get her to either move with him or have her custody days changed so I wouldn’t be with her as often, that pissed her off and she thankfully dumped that pos last year. Anyways I have always been fairly close with Cheri and she is basically my second mom and I love her a lot. Cheri has always been there for me and is the one parent in my life that I feel the most comfortable to talk too. Now my mom has always seemed jealous that I love Cheri and what really set her off was when I called Cheri momma when I was 12. Cheri recently told me that if I wanted to I could call her mom but I don’t know if it would upset my mom. I love both of them but I don’t want to upset anyone. Does anyone have advice?",Loves both mom and stemom,Step child struggling to call stepmom mom,,,,Step child, Should I call my stepmom just mom?,"My (16m) stepmom Toni (38f) has been in my life since I was 5. My mom passed away when I was 3. Toni has really been the only mom I can remember having. My dad didn’t erase my bio mother from my life as I have some photos and videos of her in our house but aside from that I don’t really have much to remember her by. I do still see my maternal family as well but a few years ago we moved to a different state and so now I only see them sometimes in the summer when I stay with them. Toni really has been the only mom I have had for a long time. I remember that she was the one that helped me when I broke my leg when I was 8 and she drove me to the hospital and stayed with me every chance she could. When I was younger she was the one that read me bedtime stories and would kiss me on the forehead and tell me goodnight. Toni was the one that would help me with homework and Toni was the one who always made sure I was happy and well taken care of. I absolutely love and adore Toni and she is without a doubt in my mind “my” mom. Now I have wanted to call Toni mom for a really long time but I’ve been to scared to ask her if it was okay to or not. I really don’t know how to ask her and a tiny part of me feels like I would be betraying my bio mom’s memory by asking so I don’t know what to do. Please help me internet strangers.",Loves both mom and stemom,Step child struggling to call stepmom mom,,,,Step child, My Aunt is about to become my new stepmom... Please help!,"So..... yeah the title sounds weird because it is weird. My mom passed away last year, my dad took it really hard. I have an aunt Kat, she's my mom's sister and they were very close. My dad and aunt Kat started becoming really close after my mom passed. Now a few months ago I found out they have been dating. Now my dad proposed to aunt Kat and now she is about to become my stepmom. To make it even more awkward, my cousin Billie Jean is about to become my step sister. I feel like I haven't gotten to have a say in any of this, I don't want my aunt to become my stepmom. I feel like my mom would have wanted my dad to move on but not with her sister! In fact im pretty sure my mom is upset from the afterlife because her husband is now in the same bed with her younger sister. I feel so alone as I type this, I just don't know what I am supposed to do.",Looking for help,Dad proposed to her aunt,,,,Step child, I miss my dad,"Might not be relative to this sub but need to let it out. I really miss my dad. I usually just stay at moms place and dad and his wife are going through some stuff I get too much anxiety being around her and just not comfortable there. A week ago dad said his wife was planning on going to visit her daughter for two weeks (daughter lives in another country) and I was really looking forward to staying at his place with him. Today when he was helping with the groceries he told me his wife isn't going anywhere. Now I'm at mom's place and feel sad because I being with him. I really like and love my dad and I miss spending more time with him. I wish I could be at his place but I can't handle being that uncomfortable. Tho it would help with my anxiety I'll just feel bad being there. Just needed to vent, but if you took your time reading then thank you. I just really miss my dad.",Loneliness - from missing dad,Anxiety - from step mom,Absent dad - from dad's other family,,,Stepchild, Feeling About Stepmom’s Lack of Affection,"I have a question for you stepkids out there! :) How would you feel if your stepmom had a baby with your dad and although she was nice and thoughtful to you, she was never affectionate or sought out your company, but was VERY affectionate, verbally loving, doting, etc. on your (half) sibling/her child? Oh, and if your bio mom wasn’t in the picture at all. Would you feel hurt? Left out? Resentful? Jealous? Wouldn’t care? Just trying to hear from the “other side”. :)",Lack of affection for Step child as opposed to biological chile,,,,,Step child, Stepenfreud,"My Dad's been with my stepmum for about 18 years now. Their relationship has nothing to do with my parents break up at all and my parents broke up after an awful marriage so in that regards I was happy they separated and had no animosity towards future partners as I always want them to just be happy, having not being happy with each other. My Stepmum always makes EVERYTHING a competition with her kids (3 and older than me) and recently it is starting to grate on me. If it was a case of life events like marriages, uni etc I'd probably be able to understand because it comes with a sense of pride, but it's always really petty stuff. Like if I'm unwell, her kids and all their friends and hamsters are ill, if I've worn odd socks, she's worn odd socks for the past 30 years (when she hasn't). My partner and I have had a spate of bad luck recently with stuff in the house or illness etc, and she just seems to be really enjoying it and her messages seem sarcastic in nature. My partner tells me I should just confront her about these things but because I don't see them that often due to distance it doesn't feel worth it to me because it'll just cause problems for my Dad. Not only that, but there are some people I don't bother telling my feelings too because they just can't handle it and it causes arguments instead of discussion because they believe they're right. She also never leaves me alone with my Dad either, like she's afraid she's missing out on something when sometimes it's just nice to speak to him on his own without the conversation being redirected to all of her family. I guess he needs to grow a pair in that regard really. Just really grinds my gears.",Jelous stepmom,Unpleasant sarcastic behavious from etepmom,,,,Step child, Should I give my mom's boyfriend a chance?,"Not sure if this is the best place to post but i just need help. So for ~11 years it's been just me (15M) my sister (13F) and my mom (34F) but recently (~2 years) my mom entered a relationship with a guy (~34M) who has alot of bad history and i'm unsure. Here are some reasons why. TW/CW: transphobia, domestic violence, cheating, child abuse 1. He has talked about me not being a ""real man"" for not having male genitalia. 2. He has blamed my mom for not noticing my bio dad abusing me. 3. Over smokes weed (to the point it gets ""foggy"" indoors), has brought cocaine into my home, and excessively drinks. He has never gotten violent in these times. 4. He had a past with drug deals and was in a gang. 5. Was arrested in the past for domestic violence and armed robbery. 6. Last year, he hit (specifically punched) my mom while she was driving in the highway. 7. He is intimidating to my sister and she is terrified of him. 8. Already has a bio kid but has no custody and barely has a relationship with said kid. 9. He has cheated on my mom before. So overall has a bad rap sheet but my mom says he had a rough childhood bouncing around foster care and such so his actions are a result of that. But I was adamant about him being an adult now and that is rough past was no excuse to be a bad and irresponsible person now. More recently he was arrested and placed in prison for the incident with him hitting my mom (among other charges) and is being released in October this year. But my mom reached out to him and they are once again in a relationship and have developed a ""closer"" relationship. He has profusely apologized and has made attempts at making a relationship with me and my sister. My mom has made plans of letting him move in with us again (he lived with us for a short amount of time before my mom got his things and kicked him out) and my sister absolutely refuses to be under the same roof as him. So basically if he moves in, she moves out. Obviously I am not going to abandon my little sister so I am going to leave with her. We're probably going to move in with a friend of mine but they have unstable home as well but we have no where else to go. My mom is still going to take care of us financially and medically. I am planning on getting a job and seeing if I could somehow rent an apartment for me and my sister. But I have started to sympathize with him. Am I being too hard on him? Should I give him a chance? Should I try to sway my sister into giving him a chance? My mom is incredibly upset with me not wanting him in our lives, saying people make mistakes and they learn from them and i'm stopping her from being happy and that ""i want her to be single and alone forever"" and it's finally getting to me. I'm overwhelmed and have no one to talk to about this. Help? (sorry if i added unnecessary info.)","Irresponsible step parent (substance abuse, cheating, etc)",Step children need help navigating their mom's decision to be with an irresponsible man,,,,Step child, Crazy Stepmother,"I'm not normally one to go on a rant like this, but I am about fed up. I live with my grandmother. I have always lived with my grandmother as my father was a teen parent, and my mother left the picture when I was about 3. Even when my father moved out, I always made it clear I wanted to stay with my grandmother as she took over the role of mom, so we have always had a close bond. Me and my father have always gotten along great but some of his lifestyle choice's I don't agree with, but it's his life and I'm not going to tell him how to live it. My father started dating a woman he had a crush on for years, but he never really knew her all that well. Within 6 months of dating, they were engaged. I liked her at first, as I like to give everyone, I meet a fair chance. A family member knew of some of the activities she was involved in (drug dealing, doing drugs, police putting a GPS on her vehicle to track where she was) years before and told us we needed to tell my father to run! At this point though everyone wanted to give her a chance hoping she had changed as it seemed she had turned her life around. My father moved in with her and she began to become very controlling after that. We start to get close to the wedding and everyone finds out she is pregnant. I was excited I had always wanted a sibling (of course when I stop asking, I get one). We find out later that she had made my father sign a prenup and that if they ever get divorced, she gets everything. My fathers the type of guy though that he wants to work things out he doesn't believe in divorce unless adultery is involved. Now the wedding comes and goes, (she tries to force me to move in which does not happen) and my little brother is born. Within the first year of the baby's life there were quite a few fights where he was kicked out and accused of cheating which there was no way he could have considering he was at work all day and my uncle was with him, plus she was tracking his phone. (This was nothing compared to what happens later) We now move on to when baby number two arrives. Now let me tell you these two little babies are the sweetest things ever. After the littlest one is born things are great for about 4 months I would say, they had gotten into an argument, once again. There have been issues on both sides and he once again was kicked out. They work it out and get themselves together. I had been staying a lot of weekends since baby 1 was born so I could spend time with my brothers and give Dad and my stepmother a break (as well as my stepsister as she had been being asked to watch the boys to much in my opinion and wasn't being allowed to be a teenager, but another parent). The only thing was when Me or my stepsister are available to babysit, they take it as an opportunity to throw a party downstairs, I'm not saying having some unwind time with friends is a bad thing but when I found out drugs were involved that's a whole different story (especially since they both had been supposedly clean for years). Things started to go downhill really fast; the fights picked back up but this time instead of yelling it turned physical. She had gotten messed up and had picked a fight, so my dad had picked up the oldest baby figuring maybe they could use a break from each other she started trying to punch my father and punched the baby in the process, so he took both the boys loaded them up worried for their safety. She then called the police on him for taking the boys and preceded to pull a full on fast and furious car chase. On another occasion she called him threatening divorce, and that she was going to take the two babies and he would never see them again (using my brothers as a weapon against him). This particular time I had agreed to watch my brothers for the evening They had wanted to go to a friend's house, so I agreed even though I had plans early the next morning, my grandmother and her husband stayed with me till 12am as they wanted to see the little ones. my stepsister had taken the oldest baby to bed with her once she got home from work and I had the little one with me downstairs he had a bad cough, so I was sitting on the recliner holding him on my chest trying to keep him elevated enough he wouldn't choke. 3am rolls around and I watch my father coming in through the door (without his wife) and locking it telling me to not let anyone in. He then grabs the baby and takes him upstairs to bed with him and getting the oldest from my stepsister. I head to the guest bedroom and go to sleep in my jeans as i forgot to bring pjs. Morning rolls around and i head upstairs to check on my brothers to find my stepmother is back at home, but something seemed off between the two of them. Me and my father took the two boys' downstairs so he could fix them breakfast and I texted my grandmother asking if she could bring me my clothes since I was supposed to be at home, I hadn't brought my stuff with me and I didn't have anything at my stepmoms, and she was supposed to come pick me up anyways. I tried helping my dad in the kitchen till low and behold my stepmother walks in (I did get pretty mad at my father for how he responded) she began claiming that my dad cheated on her at the party even though he was with people that were there and could verify he was talking to his buddy. She then begins to demand his keys to his vehicle, and he tells her no because she has just taken off before after something like this happened. So, she starts trying to dig into his pockets and he pushes her off of him and she tries to go at him again and he pushes her so hard she falls into the dining/living room slamming into one of the chairs. I am standing here frozen at this point, then they start going at it all the way into the living room, the baby boys both in their highchairs watching this and screaming and crying because mommy and daddy are fighting. I finally stop dead staring as he has pushed her into the couch and was holding her by the neck, so I run over and grab his arm and start pushing it off of her and telling him he needs to let go. As soon as I manage to get him off, she pops right off the couch and starts mouthing off again and started yelling saying even though I just watched the whole thing I would probably lie for him because our whole families made of liars. I kept my mouth shut at this point because there is no need egging her on, my stepsister comes downstairs and takes over being in between them while I run over to the boys trying to calm them down (and that is why I no longer spend the night). A few weeks later another argument rolls around my father called asking me if I wanted to grab lunch with him and the boys (I thought it was odd when he didn't mention her). He comes and picks me up only to start ranting to me that they had got to fighting and she had pulled a gun and threatened to shoot herself in front of the two boys. The latest spat is about me though I am a graduated high school student now I graduated 6 months early, my step-grandfather paid for my high-school program my father said he would pay him back which he never did. My stepmother wanted me to get a job as soon as I turned 15, and I understood that I wanted to work but covid had started and I was high risk. I also only had my learners (I still only have my learners) and that's how she was trying to get me to move in holding that I didn't have a job over my head but if I moved in with her, she could drive me to work. My father also said he would pay for drivers Ed which he never did, and I told my grandparents who take care of me that my father rarely does anything, and they had already spent a lot of money on me they are not going to pay for my drivers ed if I have to ill wait till, I'm 18 to take the test. Which that seems like what's going to be happening considering I have had my learners for about 3 years, which my grandmother cleans an office building once a month and an elderly man's house once a week and has handed that over to me so I can have the cash from doing that I'm also trying to find a job online I can do for the time being. I recently though had to go to the ER for a medical problem I had. I held off going to the ER because I knew it would become a money issue with my stepmother (as they have me on their insurance and tax return and in all honesty my grandparents should be getting that money as they have taken care of me not them). All the doctor's offices were booked 4 weeks out and when I got to the Er, they said it was good I came in then because if I had waited any longer it could have become dangerous. But after I got back from the hospital instead of, I'm glad you are ok, I get fussed about for a hospital bill! She also concocted a plan in which she got me back in contact with my mother, I'm glad she did but I knew it was for an ulterior motive and I got my answer why today. She started saying my mom needed to step up to the plate and take on responsibility. My father asked my mother to leave when I was younger as she kept trying to come in and out of my life, he told her she didn't need to pay child support because she was young too and could barely keep her life together, but she wasn't going to walk in and out of my life like his dad did. I'm glad me and my mother are talking but I don't need or wish my stepmother to try and control what me, my mom or any of my family try and do. I really love my two little brothers, but I believe it's best I don't go over there again as she has started all-out war over going to the ER. Please excuse me for my rant, but its better I let if out on here than in front of my family and cause more issues.",Irresponsible father,Unstable home ,Crazy stepmom,,,Step child, I need an opinion from at least one step parent lol,"A little knowledge about me. I abide by almost all words and teachings from adults, no I've not strayed at all I am 14 years old so you may or may not think of me as a mindless teenager but I am truthfully affected and mostly hurt by the curcumstances I'm facing at this point. My step mother disregards my grandpa, imagining his room being used as my father's office when he passes on. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive about it but i feel like it's so disrespectful, at the expense of his life. Mind you, I am not someone who snitch. And even if I do, I don't think my father will take my word for it lol. I don't think she regards me as her daughter. Never once has she addressed me as her daughter even when I call her mom. I've always been referred to as my father's daughter. Moreover, she tells everyone about how much she loves me so much so that she doesn't want a child of her own. However, I can't help but think that I'm just a cover-up, a pawn. Why? Because she dislikes kids, and probably enjoys her free time more, risking her life for a child she doesn't even want is just another add-on. But my point being, she's using me as her emergency plan. She tells me all about how she could live a long life with me to support her, being the only reason she invests time and money in me. Quoting, ""What else could I use you for?"" It is so painful to know that your father found a mother figure only for you to be used by for her own reasons. She talks about marrying my father in front of me. (Yes, I called her mom even before the marriage and I'll explain it later) kissing in front of me, there stood my step mother and my father. Without a care in the world what the child of the other marriage thinks. You have no idea how painful it is to see them so happy as you suffer. She's an emergency find by my father. I grew up without a mother figure. I was 5-7 so you can imagine how confusing it is for a little girl. I got pressured into calling her mom for 2 years by all my relatives. Quickly, the 6 year old girl met in a dilemma. Being treated soo well by this aunt. The first impression. Soon met with my birth mother, she said she'd give up on me if I did call her my mom. Soon enough I did, only because I felt stressed out that everyone couldn't relax aboit the situation. I cried so hard realising that I would never have the chance to meet my biological mother ever again. I am regretting it till this day. Back on to my step mother.. She hates me communicating with my father (probably) glaring at me when she comes home to find me and my father laughing at silly videos. Quickly excuses me to go clean trash and talks to my father. For at least an hour, (around 11pm so i had to go sleep anyways) I have no intention to drive them apart but it felt as if she's creating a wedge between my father and I. She never engages in conversation where I tell her about my day but I have to listen to her complains. She treats everything with me like a competition. She's the reason I never wear dresses and skirts. Always jeans or sports shorts, baggy shirts and never trying out hairstyles. She is short and more on the chubby side so she's weight concious. Even a baking competition and she lets me eat all the cookies once done, we don't share it because she's on a diet. To the point where I'm jokingly saying that I'd like a rich man to take care of me and she ridicules the way I look. I do not think that I look unattractive at all and I'm quite confident in many things I do. She always tells me ""your face is so ugly, who would even want to marry you."" Of course, I am not very insecure about something I don't even care about but it still hurts coming from a mother figure. Threatening to leave the house when engaging in an arguement with me over a small pile of clothes and some books on the floor. Trashes my entire room, the one I spent so much time on to align even all the books into a straight line. Of course, when she leaves, my father would blame me for it. To the point I'm starting to question if I loved my father anymore. With all that said, I feel like it's probably my fault. I am after all the defect in the family and countless of times I've been told that my opinions were one of the teen phases. That I should just forget about it. But since I can't I'm turning to the internet for help, perhaps to even humble myself since up til now all I did was complain and saw nothing but the selfish side of a step parent. Please help me out! I need opinions on my thoughts. It's been haunting me for 9, nearing 10 years",Insensitive stepmum,Looking for advice,Steomum see step child as a competitor,,,Step child, My Home Doesn't Feel Like Home Anymore,"My mom's boyfriend moved in with us a few months ago and it's been...rough. I've never been too big a fan of his, and his living here has made me aware of his true colors, which aren't too pretty. All of that aside, the main issue I'm facing is that my home doesn't feel like home anymore. My room has always been my sanctuary ever since I can remember. I grew up with three older sisters, so I often played alone and lived in my own little world. I'm not very social either, so my room is where I dwell. My mom made me switch rooms recently so that they could utilize the closet in that room for their stuff. I've rearranged this room several times now; I've moved furniture, added decorations, tried to make it as cozy as I could, and yet, it doesn't feel like mine. I'm no longer comfortable going into the kitchen. I'm only ever in the living room when walking in or out of the house. I leave my room for food or to go to the bathroom, which is common for me, but I no longer feel like I have the freedom to roam around my house comfortably. My mom's boyfriend also doesn't respect boundaries or privacy, so he just barges into my room whether the door is closed or not. When my parents lived together, I liked having my door open because it was more welcoming (and not as suspicious). But now, it feels like I have to lock my door just to be left alone. I feel like I have to change how I act, what I watch/do, and what I say, because of how judgmental he is. I just no longer feel welcome or at home. I feel trapped in this house and in this town. How can I overcome this feeling? How can I make a new room feel like my own? How can I feel at home in my own house again?",Home does not feel like home anymore,Judgemental step dad,,,,Step child, Need help manage this situation with my stepmother,"Recently I've been trying to make plans to see my stepmother, the problem is when she makes plans with me she doesn't let me know what time until the day/night before or on the day and if they are cancelled its the same situation. The most recent occasion she asked (4/5 days before my dad birthday) to come round in the morning with my dad on his birthday, i said yes and asked her what time, she didn't message me back about it until the night before saying my dad will call me and let me know in the morning. I had already spoken to him that day and he wasn't very well so i was frustrated she didnt just tell me then that they weren't coming. When i spoke to my dad he didnt even mention it, just that he wasnt well, he didnt even know she had planned for them to come over. After this I decided I needed some time to myself before talking to her about it (I struggle to talk properly when I'm angry). She kept messaging me about how I'm being off with her but I didn't feel it was right to talk about it on his birthday and this weekend they have been away, so again I didn't want to mention it but she message me again. I told messaged her back explaining what was wrong and how it made me feel. She responded asking me when this happened and that it has to be weeks ago because I've been off with her since, that doesn't want to argue with me and is upset that I feel like I can't trust her not to let me down, that it's unfair after everything we've been through (along with much more). I'm so angry that she isn't even a little bit understanding and I feel like I'm being guilt tripped for telling her what she had done and made me feel, what do I do?",Having arguments with step mom,,,,,Step child, My stepdad drives me insane!,"I really dislike my stepdad or as I like to refer to him, my mom's husband. My mom married him when I was 8 and it was only a few months after my real dad died. My mom then fell in love with her coworker Dane (my stepdad). Dane has always been an obnoxious person who can't keep his mouth shut. He has always tried acting like he is my dad and used to constantly demand that I call him dad. He tried literally everything to try and get me to call him dad, like saying how Im his ""baby girl"", to saying my dad would want me to have a father figure, etc,etc. Dane is also kind of a creep, for example me and my mom are big fans of superhero movies. You can say what you want but I love them. Well for Halloween last year I was finally able to go to this halloween party with my mom (I am 18 so my mom finally let me) and Dane decided to tag along. Well me and my mom wanted to go as superheroes due to our love of them. So Dane says he will order them, when they finally arrive he got my mom a very revealing Wonder Woman costume and for me a semi revealing Scarlet Witch costume. Since it was the day before the party and they didn't have those costumes in our size at stores near us, we just took them and wore them. At the party he basically showed off my mom like she was an object and then I overheard him talking with a friend of his about how ""Im developing"" and they both snickered. I was grossed out and furious but my mom didn't do anything because she says he has a ""weird sense of humor"". To make it worse he seems to refuse to accept me coming out as lesbian and says stuff like how I'll ""get over it one day"", and on top of that keeps trying to set up dates for me with guys he finds ""acceptable to date his princess"". Im just tired of dealing with Dane and Im not planning on having much contact with him when I move out for college. Anyways thanks for listening.",Hatered for stepdad,Passive mom,,,,Step child, How should I write a letter to my stepmom thanking her for entering my life?,"(Fair Warning this is going to be long so you can kind of understand the backstory) My parents divorced when I was 4 years old. My Dad got full custody of me, my twin sister and my older brother not because of issues with my Mom but because she felt we were better off with our Dad(Neither parent ever said bad things about the other). Growing up, my biological parents lived in different states and we would visit our Mom on school breaks. Anyways, my Dad re-married to my stepmother who he is still married to too this day when I was 6 to 6 1/2 Years of Age. When she married my Dad she had no kids of her own. She must've really loved my Dad and had a lot of courage to marry a single father with full custody of his 3 children(shortly after down to 2 because my older brother wanted to go live with our Mom not because of our stepmom but because he missed her) with no children of her own at the time and become essentially, a stay-at-home Mom(though later had 2 children with my Dad). Looking back, I realize she did a LOT for me. She was the mother figure in the house who occupied that role and cooked, taught us manners and how to do chores, helped us and did the maternal side of things. She took me to doctors and orthodontist appointments, said nightly prayers with us, comforted us, helped with homework, when I was little before I could make my own school lunch she would write notes in our lunches about how she loved us, played board games with me, talked about life, yelled at this one girl who was bullying me in the 3rd grade to get her to stop, went to parent teacher and IEP Conferences, etc...etc... I remember when I was young i.e. pre-8th grade I'd tell people sometimes that she's my stepmom but might as well be my Mom. I guess she was the one who was there in that role. My mother never felt like an absent parent and I talked to her a lot on the phone but, it was pretty hard not having her around physically on a regular basis if you know what I mean. If she said yes to something it felt more official than if my Dad said so. I cannot remember a single time growing up where I ever felt like she was jealous of me and/or did not want my Dad to spend time with me or my other two siblings. My Dad is an amazing father who has done a LOT for all of his children and is very loving and caring on a deep level. However, he is not really capable of discipline i.e. he lacks a backbone and if I ever got told ""wait until your Dad gets home"" I would not have been worried or scared at all. Sadly that meant she had to be the bad guy most of the time in terms of rule enforcement and discipline and obviously that's not easy to deal with as the stepparent and must've been frustrating to deal with at times. Honestly, if she had never entered the picture me and my siblings could've EASILY turned out to be spoilt brats. I usually felt loved by her and she always meant right by me but, at times we would butt heads and have our differences. Sadly at times we would REALLY butt heads to the point where I decided for the 9th grade to go live with my Mom and then came back because I really missed my hometown and friends and the school I went to. I am diagnosed with Autism and while I am high-functioning now, through the 3rd grade, I was one of those kids that had a helper with them so that meant while I was not a bad child I was not the easiest child to deal with. I remember a lot of times growing up at dinner she would seem absolutely drained and stressed out and now I can see why. It is not easy to be a stay-at-home parent to four children and cook meals and deal with all of that while most of the time having to be the bad guy who enforces rules. Looking back though, I am fortunate and grateful she entered my life. Her family all accepted me to the point where I never say step-uncle or step-grandma I just say grandma and uncle because they might as well be. I never felt like I wasn't treated equally or ever felt like an outsider. I do not label my two younger siblings as half-siblings but just siblings because they might as well be, I grew up with them and they are not half people but full. I would not be the man I am today had she never entered my life. She taught me a lot and tried her best to do what she felt was right for me even if at the time I was NOT happy with it. I am grateful that because of her entering my life, I had a two-parent household, had a maternal influence growing up and she did a lot of mothering things that at times was probably not super easy for her to do especially when I was little due to my being Autistic. There were times when I had been disrespectful to her that I feel bad about. Nothing horrible but, typical kid stuff that I would want to apologize to her for. Despite the fact we are not close, I believe that growing up she did love me and wanted the best for me and I still feel that she cares about me and wants to me to succeed and be a happy, well-adjusted and successful adult. Sadly, to this day we are not close. If we cross paths she is friendly and we talk and at times she has sent texts saying things like ""It was good to see you"" ""Glad you got the job"" ""Happy Birthday"", etc...etc... Due to personality clashes, butting heads and what-not our relationship got somewhat strained from 2015 to 2019-ish though at times we would cross paths 2017-2019 and she'd be friendly and i'd be friendly back. Both my Mom and Dad said she feels a lot of guilt about how things turned out and wishes things would've gone better between us as do I. I realize I am very lucky that she entered my life and overall, she made my life and me as a person, of better quality.",Happy blended family,,,,,Stepchild, My stepdad passed and I hate my new one. How do I cope until Im out of the house?,"My parents divorced when I was about six years old. My dad had some drug problems growing up and has been absent since the divorce. Not long after my mom met a guy, we'll call him G. G was incredibly nice to me and did so many fun things. He had a few kids close in age to me and it was fun to have siblings. He bought boats every summer and we would go boating every summer. He had a nice house too and he was a good role model. I loved having him around. I played a bunch of sports and was a straight A student and was incredibly happy. As the years went on my dad got terminally ill. I was super worried for him and G was very supportive and even befriended my dad. He was really a truly amazing guy. He might be one of the most amazing guys I've ever known. Sadly. as the years went on, he started battling with his kids and drinking as well. He seemed to be incredibly depressed and sadly took his own life. I took the death pretty hard. My life wasn't that great outside of when he was around and it just spiraled from there. My grades slipped, I quit sports, and I had no desire to make friends or do anything outside of sitting in my room doing nothing. A year or so later, my mom started dating again. I'll admit it hurt but I knew she needed to move on and so did I. She has been going out with this guy and I cannot stand him. I tried to do some reflection with a therapist about it, it isn't that I don't like him because he's not G, its that I just cannot stand him. He's from New York and has the most obnoxious personality. He had a gold tooth and has the most obnoxious stories of when he sold drugs in Queens back in the eighties. He doesn't listen to anyone but himself. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. What is so annoying is how he grabs my mom and cuddles with her on the couch. It is so disgusting to me that I actually dry heave. At least when I have a boyfriend or guy over I keep to myself and stay quiet. Whats worse is I get little to no warning about it. He even ruined my birthday. When I turned seventeen he threw me a birthday party. He made fun of me the whole time and mauled my mom. It was so uncomfortable I almost called one of my guy friends to pick me up from my own birthday party. But thats not the worst of it. On the way there he kept insulting the homeless people on the side of the road. I couldn't believe he was doing that. I was so pissed off. Then on the way back he kept insulting them even after I told him to stop. I kept telling my mom to pull the car over and that I will walk home. After that, I didn't get one direct apology or even word from him. I am currently a senior in high school and am going out of state for college in the fall. I am trying to be polite but I cannot stand him so much I just come off as rude. This was a lot longer than I expected but I think I just need some advice or words to get me through until fall. Im hoping that I can do it without loosing my mind or ruining a relationship with my mom.",Had a loving first step dad who later took his life,Biological dad struggled with addictions,Cannot stand mom's new boyfriend,Seeking advice,,Step Child, Stepmother said she didn’t mind being evil toward me,"Im 27 years old. My parents divorced when I was 2. My father got residential custody and moved us in with his parents (my paternal grandmother and his stepfather, who I’ve always known and treated as a grandfather). My father lived with us but was always ""working."" My grandmother was my rock and main support. She was my mother figure, as I only saw my bio mom for 2 lunches a week and the first & third Saturday of each month. My mother remarried. My stepdad was cool and always knew his place. My father dated a woman for fourteen years until I was 17. When I was 16, my father got kicked out for not paying rent. He moved into a condo that his fiancée, a successful healthcare/insurance executive, paid for. Things were always kind of tumultuous with his fiancée and my family. I considered her a stepmom because we were close and she was around for so long. She never treated me badly but had issues concerning her role in my family. She told people she was our mother, which infuriated my bio-mom. My father was and continues to be extremely passive so he allowed her to behave this way. It went so far as her allegedly telling people that she gave birth to us, according to my grandmother. Things soured and they split. Turns out she was married the entire time, which lent to why we never went to her house. To make matters more complicated, my father was also seeing someone else for the duration of the relationship. This explains why he didn’t come home until midnight/1am on weekdays. He’s a care salesman. He said he was at work but he wasn’t. He just didn’t want to reveal his affair. This woman was also seeing other men. She was engaged to someone else at some point while also maintaining contact with my father. While my father worked, he wasn’t ever really able to be independent. So when he broke up with his fiancée, he had to move. He’d been kicked out of my grandparents so he moved in with his mistress. She has a daughter. They got a townhome together down the street from my grandparents. From the moment she was introduced to me, she gave me the cold shoulder. She was warm to everyone else except for me and it was completely obvious. I never understood why. Perhaps because I saw through their relationship bad she consistently lied about their timeline. She never could face me because I knew she had negative intentions. She would make snarky remarks in my direction. She judged everything I said and did. Mind you, I’m gay and had a bit of a rough coming-out within my very traditional politically oriented family. I was used to being outcasted so I kind of felt that maybe I could just stick it out with her — that she’d come to know me and things would get better. But deep down I knew she was capable of destroying my family. I no longer identified with my family and started to distrust anyone who affiliated with her. I couldn’t understand how they could have a relationship with her despite the way she treated me. I felt I loved. Invisible. Like the support system I thought I had was more than fragile but broken. I was always incredibly strong minded but felt so weak and defeated. I couldn’t understand why I was giving this person so much headspace. I still don’t. So I essentially ran away. To the opposite side of the county for my first year of college. I didn’t know what I was doing but that I wanted to leave. The awkwardness of my new family situation made me so deeply uncomfortable. I felt that I had something to prove by moving to a prestigious area because inherently I felt such a low sense of self-esteem. Thing didn’t go well. I moved to NYC for a ""gap year"" which really was just an excuse wrapped up in jargon hiding that my life was in shambles and in an overdrive that I couldn’t control. My grandmother got sick. A canoe accident that turned into head trauma that developed into dementia. The boat was in no way the cause but the swelling caused severe temporary dizziness. Perhaps it accelerated the neurological deterioration. I moved back from NYC. Commuted to college. Took care of my grandmother as her condition progressed. Changed her diapers. Fed her. Slept in the same bed with her on countless nights because she was a fall risk. But also because she was the only token of familiarity left for me in my family. But I was resentful. My father lived down the street and did nothing. My stepmom was dismissive of my feelings and always made me feel like it was ""just"" my grandmother dying — somehow less than the pain she felt when her father died. My grandfather wanted to sell our home. My dad wanted to buy it but my stepmother said I made her not feel like family, so she refused. The house sold for pennies. It was the home my grandfather built with his hands. It was my grandmothers pride and joy. It was the place of my greatest memories. We all went separate ways. My father had an extra bedroom for my brother (I have two older brothers) but not for me. I moved into a shitty basement studio in the nearby city. Stayed there for a year. Couldn’t wrap my head around the dissolution of my family and the fact that this person - my stepmother - was given the power to make such impactful decisions regarding all of us and that my father was letting her. My grandmother was placed into an assisted living facility. I felt that it was my fault because my stepmother blamed me for why they didn’t purchase our home. I couldn’t understand what was so wrong with me that I made her and her daughter so uncomfortable that she was willing to destroy my family. Her feelings and her daughters feelings always took precedent over what was best for my brothers and I. If I tried to voice this, I was shut down and told I was overly sensitive and dramatic. I wanted to go to law school. She rolled her eyes and told me I was unintelligent. After college, my studio lease was up. I had struggled immensely in school. I went from someone who was academically gifted to having a hard time writing an essay. I basically couch surfed between my dads and my moms while working in the service industry. My stepmother invited me to live with her after I basically slept on her living room couch fo 3 months. I was ridiculed constantly by her and her daughter. They invalidated everything I said but if I was quiet I was making them uncomfortable. I couldn’t win. Her daughter was extremely introverted - didn’t go to college, had few friends and no social life. But I was the weird one if I didn’t talk. We eventually started to argue because I felt picked on. She constantly reminded me that it was her house and that she wasn’t going to walk on eggshells. It got so uncomfortable that I left. Moved into one of my uncles rental units. It was decent inside but the building was dirty and dilapidated. I stopped speaking to my dad. I could understand how he didn’t defend me in the multitude of moments that I was berated by his wife for doing nothing. For existing. She said she didn’t care if she was to become an evil stepmother toward me while my father was always passive and quiet. What hurts not are the words of your enemy but the silence of your friend. I couldn’t feel this more deeply in relation to my family. A year went by of basically no contact despite the fact that they lived down the road. I was approved for a lease in a much nicer town at a much nicer apartment. My father was shocked when my uncle told him I was moving. He called me and said he felt that he failed me and didn’t provide me an environment in which I could thrive and be successful as I had always envisioned. As he knew I could be. He plead with me to move back in. I deliberated until the last hour and didn’t sign the lease. I moved back in. But by this point I was used to being a recluse. I had no relationship with any of my family members. I lost all my friends. I had no confidence or self esteem. No direction. I was suicidal. Extremely depressed. And worked many hours at a better paying job, albeit also in the service industry, as a means to escape but also a means to just get by. And that’s what I was doing. Just getting by. I was 26 and hardly surviving. Making great money but I can’t tell you where it went. Mainly takeout and food delivery. I did nothing with my life otherwise. If I wasn’t working I was sleeping. And by sleeping I mean I would sleep for 2 days at a time if I was off consecutively. So I moved back in. I also bought a franchise with my brother which meant that I was working more. I didn’t get congratulated for buying a business and it was clear from the moment that I reentered their home that I wasn’t welcome by my stepmom or her daughter. Their distaste for me was permeable. For once in my life I was finally making good money but still I wasn’t good enough to be treated as human. I was still the scapegoat for everything. If I breathed in the wrong direction I was criticized. I started to argue with my stepmom again. I said I felt that she didn’t like me. She said she was learning to dislike me and that again, I made her so uncomfortable that she was considering divorcing my father. She went so far as to pointing out the apartment complex she was considering. I felt so compromised. I didn’t know what to say or do but just knew that I didn’t want to feel attacked anymore. So I left. Again. Leased an apartment and moved out. Its now 7 or 8 months later and I haven’t spoke to her and I’ve hardly had a relationship with my dad. She’s posted about me countless times on Facebook and Instagram and even created an additional Instagram account to post cryptic quotes that conveniently appeared after each of our arguments. She also used these accounts to show her relationships with my other family members, including a new niece and nephew. A family that she took from me. A family that she loves to parade as not including me. I’m not sure what to do anymore. I feel alone. I attempted suicide 2 months ago and saw a psychiatrist who recommended inpatient. It’s hard for me to even describe the last 10 years and my relationship with her because I don’t even trust my own feelings. Any time I open up I feel like I’m going to be invalidated. The kid who at one time was 17 and hopeful for his future had died. I’m 27, severely depressed, nearly mute if I’m not working and also so incredibly anxious. I can’t form relationships with people. I feel so I secure. I doubt everything about myself. I miss my father. I miss the security I used to have. I wish I didn’t leave this last time because maybe if I’d stayed longer she would have actually left. Maybe things would have gotten better, even if that meant another argument or two. I don’t understand what is wrong with me. Why there seems to be, according to my stepmother, something inherently so uncomfortable and wrong about me. She said I’m ""exactly"" like my mother, who I know she has a level of distaste for. I have been through many things in my life but this has been the worst and I am at my breaking point. I know I sound like I’m whining but I have no one to talk to. I have a feeling that if I ask my dad if I can stay with him again he’s going to say no. I know she would laugh, despite that her 32 year old daughter still lives there. I have no stability. Rant over I guess.","Generational Divorce pattern, family disfunction and chronic infidelity",Passive Father,Mean stepmom,Self blame & suicidal thoughts ,,Step child, I don't like my Stepdad so here's the reason's why,"***How I met Him and the beginning stages*** When I was 11 years old and came back to the UK after 8 years and 2 months. I met my mom's boyfriend who was white and I wasn't aware they were in a relationship. HOwever I don't know what happened but I never saw him again after a while. Couple weeks later I saw another man in our apartment but he was black this time, he seemed pretty cool and got humour, I wouldn't say he was charming but He knew how to crack jokes and seemed pretty responsible. I remember when he took me to south london and we went to his apartment, I was amazed at how small the place was, and was beginning to wonder what was his living conditions like as he shared the house with 2 other individuals who also lived there. ​ ***The Problems*** Fast forward to 2018 and my mom decided to marry him in that year. Little did i know that His problems would affect our Life. First of all, he doesn't have a stable income whatsoever and he doesn't have any legal documents that allows him to work like normal in the UK, so the whole financial stuff is on my mom for the entirety of my life, and the life of him and my siblings. Second, ever since he had a biological daughter by my mom, he's been treating her with more respect than my little brother who is his stepson. she would literally falsely accuse him of hitting her and other things and the stepdad would literally come out of nowhere and slap him up or even drag him, but tbh the second part is minor. Third, ever since I got older, I began setting boundaries even if he didn't like it. I can't remember the 2 boundaries that I have set that but I remember always arguing with him about it and he would get mad and over the top instead of just having a normal conversation of disagreement. ​ Also I remember always suspecting him of cheating every time i see him talking with a woman that I used to know since 2016, he was always flirty with her and I can tell by the way that they talked to eachother that something was up, my other four siblings was also aware of this and devised a plan to expose him if he slips up. ​ These days, if Me or any of my siblings say anything that opposes his opinion, instead of having a normal debate about it, he either gets mad and shout, or cuts the conversation and says end of. ​ when we argue, he always tends to ask, ""who pays rent in here?"" and with honesty I always say ""My Mom pays rent"". so he gets pressed and angry about it, but I really don't care cuz it's the truth. I only respect him in a sense cuz my mom made him and athourity in the house and I have no choice but to obey ​ This morning I came down to address a problem with him where he likes to just open the door to my room without knocking at times. **Even if I ask who is it?** So I spoke to Him about that and asked him to please knock before coming in and he got so pressed that He shouted at me, so I shouted back just as much and told him there's no need to shout at me. and he called me the P word and stuff and made a call to different members of my family. Tbh, it's not the first time we had arguments, and most arguments started from little things like wasting butter (which i didn't) and everytime i disagree with him, he just shouts and tries to silence me in which he just can't no more. So anyways, one slip up for me and I might get kicked out the house by my mom. ​ I hate my step dad with a passion and would do anything to let Him know that I don't like Him in the slightest and we should never speak again.",Financially unresponsive stepdad,Treats biological child better than step children,Step child hates step dad,Constant arguments between stepdad and step child,,Step child, Should basic necessities be expected from step parents?,"So basically I’ve been living with my stepmother (52F) as well as my father (51M) together for about 4 or 5 months now. They got married about a month and a half ago. Though the constant shit I got from the lady started the first week we moved into the new house together. Lately however, it’s gotten somehow worse. I always get told I treat her with “zero respect”, despite me never picking fights with her and keeping to myself. She is always the one picking fights with me 24/7. Not that long ago I was getting picked up by my aunt to go somewhere, when I was extremely late. A ran out of the door and didn’t realize I didn’t close it. This would be an issue if my stepmother wasn’t doing something 3 feet away from the fucking door and saw me leave. She complained nonstop over text for an hour, in a group chat, to father and I about it, to which she kept personally insulting me as apposed to providing anything useful. She ignored me after this incident for about three weeks. Would not speak to me with the exception of messaging me chores to do over text in the aforementioned groupchat. Though there was one other exception. 2 days after the incident, she, when I tried joining a conversation with her and my father said, “*insert my name*, no one cares about your opinion!*” and stomped away. It is not like I am an insanely troublesome child. I clean all communal areas to the best of my ability as soon as I can. The only troublesome thing would be expecting logic and consistency when trying to lecture me. Lately I have been bothered by my father and stepmother 24/7, with the only ever argument being that “she pays half the bills”. I am told to do her favors and clean up after her minor hiccups (despite her never in a million years giving me the same pleasure). If I ever expected such a thing of her, I would never get a break. Maybe potentially kicked out (though that might be a tad of a stretch). She treats me extremely rudely out of nowhere very often, and when I react negatively towards her, I get told “She pays half the bills”. Every time she does anything inexcusable as a step-parent it’s always “But she pays half of the bills”. It’s not like she is actually nice at heart, she has hated me for the longest time. She complained about me to her family over the phone every night for months straight in front of me. Today she complained about the way I sit, to which I explained that every reason that she had that I wasn’t allowed to sit the way I wished to, was fully resolved (as we now had a carpet under the table and I switched seats). So my father interjected, saying “We just both care and are trying to prepare you for when you are an adult.” Then my stepmother said “No, I don’t care. I care about her being disrespectful when she is sitting and having dinner with me at the table. I never talk to her almost ever outside of sitting at dinner, so no I don’t care.” She continued, “Also she was constantly disrespectful at an gathering when she kept having her feet up on the chair despite the comments to me from my mother, brothers, my sisters and law and etc.” then she said to me “It’s like you don’t give a shit!” I honestly don’t understand why I should have. Quite frankly I think that she gave me a worse impression than I ever gave her. Honestly I think her need to appease her family to that extent expresses some kind of self-esteem issue, considering I “embarrass her so much”. So I replied to her “You’re right, I don’t. Though I am glad you were at the very least being honest.” Call me immature, but at least a minimum amount of respect is expected from authority figures. Afterword I received a lecture about how I shouldn’t have done that because I am a direct embarrassment to her at gatherings. Then they brought up how she pays half the bills again and how she pays for food. Is this behavior expected from stepparents? It’s not like I am 18, I am simply 15. Neither are they struggling to make ends meet. Hell, my father makes six figures and my stepmother is close to being able to retire. She monitors me 24/7 and reports everything I do to my father because she works at home and goes on a tirade about every minor thing I ever do. Should this be expected of a stepparent who is biologically in no way related to you whatsoever (and only associates with you because they’re screwing your father *cough* *cough*)?",Fights between stepmum and step child,Difficult relationship ,,,,Step child, My stepdad makes me feel really on edge. Help!,"Hes lovely, and i really quite like him but i know he has a lot of expectations of me. I want to impress him so bad. I get nervous when he comes home, hes a funny one but hes quite intense as well and its a bit chaotic. Im a quiet person, and an anxious one too. I prefer it at my bio dads house, because hes quiet like myself. I prefer doing assessments at my bio dads, because i can concentrate a lot better. But its something about my stepdads that makes me feel like something is always happening. Im not sure what it is. Im so scared that hes mad at me. I know he cares about me but i cant stop thinking im doing something wrong. Hes intense i suppose, he works fast and hes spontaneous but i can never meet up with that like i feel like i should. I have Autism too. And i get really anxious around changes and unpredictability, and at his house that’s exactly what it is. I never feel completely relaxed, and i feel really guilty about it. I have issues with sound too. Im sensitive to it, and i need headphones but he doesnt like them. And so i cant use them at dinnertables - and i suppose fair enough, it looks rude to people but i wish it wasn’t because it really helps. And he doesn’t like it when i use things that bring me comfort which to him look silly or childish. Like my plushies which i genuinely really care deeply for, and using fidget tools, or acting in a way people deem “odd”. He doesnt like me acting strange. I get nervous admitting im struggling around him. If i ever break down again or am genuinely distressed, struggling mental health wise - im terrified hell find out. Because i know what he thinks of it. He thinks i dont much need the help, with regards to medical treatment. Or that some things i am afflicted with arent real. And, fuck man. It hurts. And thinking about it, i worry if what he says is true- and it all is just in my head, and i need to grow up. I worry that im incredibly immature and childish and just making up an excuse, i dont really need those things and i should grow out of it or im doomed. I should change myself. But he genuinely struggles with mental health too, i know that for sure. Really, really struggles. I dont know what exactly happened during his life aside from little snippits, and of course its a very private matter so i wont want to discuss that - but all i can say is that, hes been through really heavy, traumatic things no person should ever have to experience. Hes a complicated guy. Hes a bit all over the place, i love him and we have great chats but man do i get nervous around him. I want to make him proud, i really really do. But it takes me longer. Its hard to meet those standards. Any advice for how i can feel a little more, loose i suppose? Less anxious about going to my stepdads?",Feels on edge when around step dad,Step dad not sensitive to step child's mental health issues and needs,Loving step dad overall,,,Step child, Why doesn't anyone ever want to be my mom?,"My real mother didn't want me so she abandoned me and my dad when I was just eight years old. I remember the day she left when I grabbed onto her leg crying and begging her not to leave but all she said was that she never wanted kids and she was sorry she had to do this. The only thing I have from her is a teddy bear she got me the day she left, I guess to try to soften the blow. When I was eleven (I am now 15 btw) my dad married Jenna. I wanted Jenna to be my new mom so badly but she didn't really seem interested. She is nice to me but that is all, nothing else. We never spend time just her and me, nothing at all. Today I was helping my dad fix our sink and he told me to get his phone. When I grabbed it I saw that Jenna had texted him about how she wanted to take me to a movie tonight because she ""wants to improve our relationship"" but that I am ""hard to connect with"". I didn't tell him I saw it, I just gave him his phone and helped him. When Jenna got home later I was in my room and she came in and asked me if I would like to go to the movies with her, I will admit I lost my cool and kind of had a breakdown. I cried and asked her why she never tried to improve our relationship earlier, why am I not good enough, and why no woman ever wants to be my mom. She got silent looked down and just left. Im now just crying in my bed as I type this while holding my teddy bear and I can hear my dad and Jenna talking downstairs loudly. I just want a mom, is that so awful. Why doesn't anyone ever want to be my mom. Why?",Feels abandoned by mom and step mom,,,,,Step child, My dad is gone. My stepmom’s house doesn’t feel like home.,"I (18F) have always had separated parents. I have my biological mother in one home and my father who married my stepmother (we will call her Amanda) 15 years ago. Obviously I don’t remember the wedding. Amanda has always been in my life. For a good while, until I was 9, I lived with my dad and Amanda on the weekends. Living there in that house on (Let’s call it Cranberry Road) was part of the best times of my life. Even if I only had my dad Friday through Sunday. My mom was always poor. She never could afford anything more than what we needed. I never blamed her, I understand her and I understand the situation. But my dad made good money and he was able to make my weekends so much fun. Skip ahead. Amanda and my dad move to another house on (let’s call it Bloomview Rd) when I exit my 8th grade year. Obviously, I’m crushed. That was my childhood home. I have to go to high school in a completely different environment and have to leave my friends. I always had mixed feelings about the Bloomview house. It felt more like a house I was living in than a home. And for a time, my space felt like my space. When I turned 14, I decided I wanted to stay with my mom and my dad on equal time since there were no legal agreements. I’d be with my mom one week, then go to my dads for one week. Neither liked this. Not even Amanda. But it was what I wanted and needed for my mental health and my therapist agreed. I felt like a liability. Like I wasn’t welcome because of the back and forth thing. But as the years go on and I turn 17 and 18, I’m learning of Amanda and my dad’s financial issues, marital problems, mutual plans to one day divorce. And my dad and Amanda are both frustrated they still have to deal with my mom. With me being there on equal time. That I’m not okay with just seeing the woman who gave birth to me sometimes on the weekends after classes. We fought a lot about it. They thought they would be done with me by now. I’d go off to college, live on campus, and they’d be done. I instead chose a community college which has no dorms, which meant I would still go back and forth between houses as I went to school. They HATED it. Hated that I wouldn’t make a choice. Hated that they weren’t done with me and they couldn’t divorce and dad couldn’t move and do whatever he wanted with other women in his life. It became tense. I’d look around my room and it would just feel cluttered with stuff. All the items in it felt like items that I’d have to pack in a moments notice. I felt like I was at a hotel. I felt so unwelcome. Like it was no longer my home. Three weeks ago, my father had a severe stroke. It affected his ability to speak, to comprehend, to walk, to swallow. And he hasn’t acknowledged anything since. He’s either slept or stared off into space with his eyes open. He’s in the ICU. He may never ever come home again. Nurses have plans to send him to a nursing home for the rest of his life. I am heartbroken. My heart is torn to shreds. Having them both in my life was so important to me. So important. And my heart hurts so badly not having my daddy. I miss him in so so many ways. I fear never being able to speak with him again. I fear waking up to the phone call that he died. I miss him. I even miss our fights. I miss everything. I recently started college. Yesterday, actually. And my dad couldn’t see it. I have cried so much my throat hurts. Amanda recently lost a family member and has been closed off from me. I stayed with her for the two weeks after my dad’s stroke. Background on Amanda: she does not express emotions. She does not express love. She doesn’t express anything except for anger when the time comes. Her only way to be close to me is by watching movies together. Eating out. But we never speak of serious things. She believes I should quit school to take care of my dad and the dog full time. That would ruin my life. But she isn’t happy for me to go to school. She isn’t happy that I refused. She doesn’t care about anything but my dad and the dog. I’m sure she cares for me, but not that much. I’m never on her mind. I feel like I’m always in her space. Bothering her. She resents the love my dad has for me. He loves me more than her and she knows it. So she resents me. She picks on me. My dad isn’t there protect me from her like he always did. So it’s a free for all. Whatever she can say, she will say. She always picked on me, but only when dad was gone. She treats me like I am stupid. Laughs when I don’t know something. She seems to kind of hate me. My dad, the only homey thing I had on Bloomview Road, is gone. My room and that house and all of the things in it are my stepmom’s. It does not feel comfortable. It feels like a place to breathe. It isn’t my space. I’m taking it up. She’s paying for it. And she doesn’t like me. The only purpose me being there solves is so I can watch the dog when she works on the weekends. I lost my back and forth routine and I am a creature of habit. So now I’m booted to weekends with her. I’m with mom now. She’s supportive but she makes everything about her all the time. But she’s the best I have right now. Soon Amanda will be moving somewhere else. She’s looking at apartments. A part of me is excited for the fresh start. But the last remnants of dad’s presence will be gone. I hate being alone with her. She considered moving with a family member, which I was so excited for because I wouldn’t be alone with her, but she decided against it. I lost my dad. I lost his house. I lost a fundamental part of who I am. And I can’t tell him how sad I am because he is pretty much gone. And Amanda doesn’t care how I feel. How to I make peace with it? With sitting in that bedroom which isn’t even mine anymore? I know this is a lot to read. But my head is so full that on a path to a stroke myself. Please help.",Feeling Unwelcomed at both houses,Chronic Infidelity,Protective dad,The loss of safe space (home),Step mom being mean to compete for love,Step child, Feeling resentment from SP,"Does anyone else feel like their SP never wanted them around? I have lurked on the r/stepparent sub and sometimes sees posts saying that I can’t stand my step child. However I am always polite and never show it. I tend to be very observant and more empathetic than others. So I can pick up these cues easily. I would than internalize it and think it is all my fault. I was wondering if others growing up had the same issue. Your SP wasn’t out right rude but you could feel they were guarded around you. I don’t always blame them but in general don’t think they understand that even if they do all the caring for a child that needs to be done but you hold yourself back because you can’t stand the kid than the child will still realize you don’t like them. I understand kids can be brats and some just make your life difficult. But if the kid is generally good and you still resent the child why are they in the relationship. The kid doesn’t understand why you don’t like them. They think it is their fault. Is there a way for the kid not to feel this way and the SP to also be disengaged and only support the bio parent?",Feeling resentment underneath polite treatment from stepparent,,,,,Stepchild, why do i (physically) feel weird around my stepfather?,"My stepdad moved in about 9 months ago. im a 23F. My mom has had 2 boyfriends live with us in the past. I never felt any weirdness with them. its been about 4-5 years that nobody lived with me and my mom. Not sure why i feel physically weird around this new guy. i dont talk to him unless necessary. i hate when he is at home when im home (i just stay in my room). i hate that i hear a voice in my head telling me to cover up when i wear shorts or im braless. i hate when he pets my cat. when i come home from the gym in my leggings, i immediately run to my room. once i was doing yoga in the living room and he decided to make breakfast, ive never felt more pissed. i felt so uncomfortable being in the same space, i paused my session and continued in my room. hes never done or said anything malicious but the feeling i get around him is unnerving at times. i feel like ive lost all the freedom and liberty in my own home, it feels invasive.",Feeling of lost freedom & liberty having a stepdad at home,Feels weired around step dad (even though he did nothing wrong),,,,Step child, I don't like my stepmom's parenting (tw: r4p3),"So just to give y'all a quick introduction, I (18F), have a dad who's 42, I do not live with him, I live with my mom who is 44, and my dad lives with his girlfriend who is in her early 40s, her children who are 16, 7 and 5 (all females), and his father-in-law. She also has a daughter who's 26, and a son who is 18, but they don't live with her. I met all of them + the extended family when I was 17, they all are too loud for me, but that is no problem at all, it is just a ""me"" thing, I guess. The first few times that we hung out were sort of bad, but that is my fault because I was very resentful because of some things my dad did in the past, and I was also being very cautious of my stepmom and her family, because my dad's past girlfriends were HORRIBLE. So, last year, after a few months of not hanging out with them, I reconnected with my dad and decided to give it a try, I began to go to their house and have dinner with them, it was all good, except for the fact that I felt ignored by my stepmom's children (the youngest girls liked me tho). And I also knew that the 16yo didn't like me, but I felt it was because we are veryyy different from each other, literally polar opposites. Everything was alright for a few months, but I've started to notice some things that did not sit right with me, here it comes possibly the political and cultural debate: • My dad's cousin invited my mom and I to her daughter's birthday, my dad and his family were gonna be there too. When they arrived, I saw my 7yo step sister dressed in a cut-out top, showing almost all of her chest, I didn't say anything about it (to my mom, after the party, like I usually do, because I can't say anything to my dad) because in my country most people take anything that has to do with children safety very lightly. • Also, one time my 16yo stepsister was in the house, and told my 5yo stepsister to ""start twerking"" (my dad told me that the 5yo likes to dance like her big sister). And I was like, not surprised but also who the f\*\*\* teaches their 5yo sister how to twerk??? She's not even out of pre school yet. (No one has a problem with this, obviously). • They also sort of taught the 5yo to give kisses on the mouth, to literally ANYBODY, she kisses her mom on the mouth, MY DAD (he has just been a year with her, he's not even family), and also MY UNCLE. Like, seriously, I feel like I'm the only one with common sense in here. • By the way, it's clear that my stepmother has a favourite between the youngest ones, and it's the 5yo. Not only the fact that she has a favourite disgusts me, but she also has no shame in showing it, whenever the youngest ones fight, she sides with the 5yo (even tho she's mostly wrong anyways), she scolds and screams at the 7yo for NOTHING. So yeah, you may have guessed that the 5yo is a brat (literally slapped me because I hugged her dog). • This is not the worst thing about her, so here it comes the r4p3 trigger warning: On father's day (2 months ago), I went to their house so I could spend the day with my dad, his father-in-law made a barbecue and everyone from my stepmom's family was there: her brother and sister came with their partners, my stepbrother with his new ""girlfriend"". The 2 little girls were already there and my step sister came later after we were done eating. It was calm for a while (even tho my stepbrother was screaming/talking about some nonsense the whole time), I was being ignored once again and the movie they put on the TV wasn't of my liking so I started to get sleepy, my dad told me that I could go to their bedroom to sleep, he would come and call me for dessert, so I went to sleep. After a while, my dad called me to go to the table to eat dessert, while I was asleep my 26yo stepsister arrived with her boyfriend and her kid. We were doing good, I was sitting between my dad and my step uncle's girlfriend. Until my stepbrother started some sh!t, apparently he wanted to take his grandfather's truck to go buy j0!nt paper (he's a drugg!e) but they didn't want him to, because the store was just 6 blocks away, and gas prices are absurd here. He could easily have gone walking but I just think he wanted to flex the truck (that wasn't even his) to his girlfriend. So obviously, like any other normal person would do, he started to scream insults to his grandad and uncle, his aunt couldn't take it anymore, so she stood up and started to punch him in the face, her and my 26yo stepsister took him to his bedroom and started to punch him and kick him very hard, everyone left the table except the partner's of my step uncle and step aunt, my stepbrother's girlfriend, my 16yo stepsister, and me. My step uncle's girlfriend stood to go a help my little sisters, who were in the bathroom having a shower. For my part, I was still sitting in the table, shocked and unable to say or do anything, I was really surprised because I didn't thought this would happen. I didn't wanted to cry because I felt like it was not the place or time ??? I was just very overwhelmed and confused because it was happening so fast (I'm also not used to these situations at all). My stepsister was crying and I felt really bad, I didn't do anything about it because I didn't knew how she would react. One of the people inside the bedroom screamed ""HE'S A R4P!ST"" and I heard it so clearly, I still couldn't move, my stepbrother's gf was shocked, standing at the door. Everyone took him outside and his aunt was screaming at him, I couldn't hear anything. My 26yo step sister stayed inside the house, so my stepbrother's gf asked ""what's wrong, what happened?"" And she just screamed at her telling her to get out, to get my stepbrother's stuff out of the room and that they both had to leave. So she did. I was tearing up at this point, my dad came inside the house and told me to grab my stuff so he could take me home. The only person I could say goodbye to was his father-in-law, who I hugged (because I wanted someone to hug) and he told me something which I couldn't hear because all of the screaming in the front yard. So I'm gonna point this out: when we were leaving on the car my 26yo stepsister was screaming at my stepbrother and my stepmom was just standing there, literally just standing there. About 2 weeks after my dad invited me to dinner there and he came to pick me up in his car. We where both alone and he told me what happened, it seems that 4 years ago before my stepmom's mother died, she walked in some room and saw my stepbrother and his 5-7 year old male cousin (which I didn't knew existed) doing s3xu4l stuff. I had no words, even when my dad told me I felt like vomiting. It made me mad when my dad told me it was ""suspicious"" because no one did anything about it at that moment, and that my 26yo stepsister is making such a scandal now, now that my stepbrother is going to buy a house in another province, and that she's going to loose her house because apparently she's going to break up with her boyfriend, who owns the house. (To me that's such nonsense, I don't think she's doing a scandal at all, nonetheless just for jealousy). By the way, my stepmother is 100% on my stepbrother's side, she's still in contact with him, even after her sister and own daughter came to her house to talk about the situation in a more gentle manner. I went to have dinner with them again a few weeks ago, then my step brother arrived (didn't stay, just came to say hi and left) everyone acknowledged him (except his grandfather), my 16yo step sister was too happy to see him. I had to say hi to him, or I was going to be judged by his mom and sister. And my dad had to talk to me through the whole time he was there, I couldn't even look at him. My dad is planning on marrying this woman, she's violent, has a bad temper, she's not a good mother either, she hits her dog, and has a son who r4p3d his own cousin. I don't know what to do, I just keep going to their house because of the sake of me and my dad's relationship, we don't really go out alone. He also seems to have a preference for them over me. Also he wants to buy a house in another province, and move in with them (minus the father in law, he's staying here), he told me a lot of times about how he wants me to move in with them too, but my stepbrother is also going, so I don't really think I'm moving with them. I just need somebody's opinion, I already talked to my mom about this, she doesn't seem to care, so..",Family disfunction,Being Ignored by step mom's family members,Violent step mom (on relatives),Passive Father,,Step child, My StepBiochmom is mean not abuseive i dont think but she is hostile and petty,"This is a rant/ asking for advice. So my dad and StepBiotch have been maried since i was 3/4 yr ( I am curently a teen) My dad had me with his girlified. I was getting verry sick on the Island of my bio mom so I moved in with my grandma when I was 2 yr. I lived with my grandma🕊 who I consider my mom and called her so. I would visit my dad for a few months for a few weeks to like 1-2 months. And He was married to ana right so Ive known her almost my whole life. And my relationship with bio mom is thin She wants to be in my life but ive only seen her in person when i was 6 yr and I had a mother figure in my life so its awkward . Forgot to mention I never liked Ana 5-7 I would go out with my dad and come back and say stuff ""oh dad was with another lady"" Esentily trying to break them up. Also forgot to mention ana speaks spanish im Bilingual not fluent in spanish but i can hold a conversation. My mom didnt like ana bc of the way she treated me and she would stand up for me. ​ Anyways she was nice to me and my dad was too untill they had a kid. So now I have Half Sister and They asked me if i wanted a sibbling which 7 yr me said yesss ( i was wrong) . Then Ana started being a bit colder to me. Fast forward My mom/grandma Passes (rip i love you mom) and they have a kid surprise this time. At this point Ana had been outright hostil towards me since I was 8. Now im older I get told a lot by my dad ""oh name go help ana in the kitchen see if she needs help with anything"". I go ana says no I tell my dad he says then put the plates out. This is how it goes for most of out interactions promoted by my dad. Here are the petty things she does. So one time my grandpa ron was over (from my dads side he isnt very nice he gets mad easy and then keeps the argument going). So Ana is mad ( she always mad about sum) because GPR is saying that the way little sister eats in unhealthy and she doent eat a dinners and eats to many chips blah blah blah. Ana dosent like this but is corgal still dad is telling him to cut it out. any ways its night time dinners done I come into my room and ther was a dog poop uner my desk. Ana has an old dog that poops in my room if i leave the door open so I keep it closed but my dad insisted on opening it because my room smelt musty. So molly (dog) pooped and It is not my dog I dont like the dog but I tell my dad that and he just says no it is our family dog we must all take care of it. btw the dog wont listen to any one except ana and it 12 years old. So i am waiting in the liveing room and GPR asks what is happening with the dog poop and I am sat on the couch saying Ana is cleaning it up its her do "" not my dog not my problem"" . Every one is saying Name just clean it up its in your room you are makeing this a big deal. Ana is not saying anything and is putting sibblings to sleep, ecencily saying no in her own way. After much persisting on my part and yelling on the adults (dad,GPR). GPR eventually goes to clean it up and says im petty. I argue that Ana is petty not taking care of HER DOGS SHIT ( obv i dint swear) and she is a grown adult and she is petty to me all the time "" ok but you are the one refusing to clean up the poop That is in YOUR room"" ""fROM THE DOG THAT ISNT MINE!"" any ways every one was saying im in the wrong blah blah blah i dont think i was . ​ To prove that Ana is a petty bitch she refers to me as my dads kid and to their kids as her kids/ their kids when talking to my dad. If She goes out and comes back home she wont speak to me unless i speak to her and just in general wont talk to me and she is always giveing me a stink eye. And If i ask to borow like a room spray to make my room spell nice she says ""oookayy"" in the most I"" really dont want you to but fine"" tone and looks do mad that i even ask to borrow something of hers. My dad just dosent acknowledge this and forces me to hug her good night obviously I dont want to and she dosent want to but ig thats his way of having us be together. Also Some how the reason we didnt have lunch today was my fault because nobody told me to take the ribs out and put them in the oven. But apparently ( in my dad words)nobody should have to because I should come out and ask what ana needs help with. And somehow the ribs not being put in the oven was my fault because ana didnt talk to me the whole time she came back and I stay in my room when shes at home because her energy just radiates i dont like you when IM around her. Any ways let me know your opinons Is this some sort of abuse or just petty rudenes Also idk if this is important but I dont look like the rest of my family because i have currly hair and a darker complection.",Family disfunction,Negative and mean behaviour after dad and step mom had a kid,"Father trying to force a relationship by making the child to do chores for step mom which, she doesn't need",Making a distinction between the step kid and the new kids,Neglect (Step kid always have to ask for wht they need from someone who doesn't like them),Step child, Things were good and now we're back where we were,"Hello again. I was active here for a bit about 2 years ago I think? But it's back. Specifically *he* is back. Context: https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/orxbcq/should_i_give_my_moms_boyfriend_a_chance/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1 https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/q2mxog/update_stepdad_being_released_from_prison_in_7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1 Hopefully I did that correctly. I (17M), my sister (15F), and my mom (36F) had a bad couple years from an ex of hers and he's back. Following from last update, 'Stepdad's' sentence got changed so he went to prison and stayed there for 2-3 years. Things got better between me and my mom but my sister went into a rebellious spiral over what had happened. She's gotten to a stable spot where I don't have to worry about her anymore but that's how badly the whole situation affected her. Recently (couple weeks ago) he was released. Now here comes the whole situation. My mom had been seeing a 'friend' very frequently these past few weeks and I did not think it was him. I was extremely confident in this. My mom sat me down a bit ago to say she was *considering* giving him a second chance (This would actually be his like fourth chance) But she specifically mentioned she was just thinking about it. She reassured me that he had just sent a letter and that was it. No further communication. I believed her because she gained my trust back. That was it. Yesterday she said she was bringing her friend over. I stay in my room because I don't like meeting new people who are in my home. My sister and her boyfriend (16M) get home and see him. I didn't see what happened but I heard some things. Essentially, my sister cried in her room and 'stepdad' got in my sister's boyfriends face asking who he was in a really aggressive tone/way (""who the fuck are you?""). 'Stepdad' really acts like as if he was our father and the whole 'are you good enough for my daughter' thing which is stupid. Sister's bf tried to stay civil and they had a tense conversation I think (there was some yelling I think). Eventually I check on my sister and her bf and they're good. I go then to 'meet' him. I still believed this guy was a friend of my moms who I hadn't met before. I greet him, he asks for a hug I say we start with a handshake. We talk for a bit and his appearance had changed a bit and it had been ~three years since I last saw him (and I believe denial played a part here) so I asked for his name. He said ""what the fuck did you say"" (which terrified me by the way because he got a serious look on his face and his tone was just, scary). I repeated myself (my confidence has grown and i'm more self assured now which i'm proud of) and he was put back. We continued to have a conversation albeit more tense since I now knew who he was and since he was misgendering me the whole time. This led to me telling him how he almost ruined my life and I sort of confronted my mom (because she lied to me about their communication and didn't tell me her 'friend' was him). When our conversation ended, he said he respected my feelings and that I was 'hella rude' (I just take personal offense to this since it's coming from him but it's whatever). I went back to my room and sobbed. I don't know how I should go about this. I never thought I'd have to worry about him again. I feel like being cold and distant to my mom for doing this to us despite our fear and misery but I'm also thinking if I put affection and love on 200% maybe she'll listen to me and I can change her mind. I also think if I can rile him up enough, I can get him to hurt me (doesn't seem like a challenge, our conversation was already getting him...reactive) and if he hurts me then maybe my mom will actually cut him off and yes I know that is a dangerous and illogical plan but i'm feeling desperate. My sister has her boyfriend to protect her physically and they support each other. I've reached out to my extended family and I have a safeguard in case my home becomes too unstable or dangerous. I'm going to graduate high-school by next month but I don't turn 18 until august. I want to help my mom see reason and I don't want to uproot my life if I can help it. What should I do?",Family disfunction,Passive mother,Step dad in and out of prison,Abusive step dad,,Step child, am I the only one who feels bad for step kids on here?,"Idk if I’m the only one who thinks this but does anyone else think that the ppl on the step-parents subreddit are the one being mean to their sks? It’s always the stepkids that are rude, disrespectful, unhygienic, and lazy while the ours babies are the angels of the house it feels weird that it’s always something with the kids and not the parents themselves…maybe it’s just me. what do you guys think?",Expressing feelings about the step parents subreddit ,,,,,Unknown, I'm scared of my stepdad,"I've talked about this with my mom and my therapist but wanted to vent/ask for advice from other folks from blended families. My mom married my stepdad in 2018, and he and his kids moved in with us about a year before that. ( I try not to be vindictive but they had a family meeting after dating for 2 months to ask everyone, adult children included if they should move in together, everyone said no, and they went ahead and did it) My mom's always had a pretty clear type in men, disciplinary/dominant military/policemen who're bald/have short hair. We grew up without any male figures in the house, she and my nana raised us in an all-girl household. (i'm trans ftm (he/him)please don't misgender me). All of my siblings and I have been shy/scared of men since we were little, we weren't used to them. So whenever my mom dated someone who was her type they were the complete opposite and we never liked them. (think instead of dating some softspoken gardener she date loud aggressive military officer) My stepdad and his family are very complicated. All of his kids, adults and those still living with him confirmed that he was abusive, though he was slightly better than their neglectful alcoholic moms/stepmoms. I am 17 and live with my nana, my older bio sister, my older stepsister, and my older stepbrother. I'm the only minor and live with them paying rent so I can finish my senior year without moving and go to a local college. My mom, stepdad, twin sister, and two younger stepbrothers live in another state. They moved up there about a year ago, and now that I've had time separate from my stepdad, I realized I didn't just dislike him, but he actively frightens me. Since they started dating I was already wary of him, I didn't like his personality or how he treated his kids (very assertive personality, y'know the common military father type). In the early years of them all living with us, he actively 'disciplined' my stepbrothers. It was frightening. None of my siblings had ever even really heard a man yell, and at most my mom spanked us. But he actively beat my stepbrothers with belts, and the walls and floors in my house were thin, so no matter how much I covered my ears, or hid in the closet, or listened to music, I still heard my stepbrothers screaming for him to stop and crying for help. (These incidents only happened when they got into physical fights with each other/my stepdad or were rude to each other or my stepdad, ie regular/maybe anger issues teenage boy behavior) After this, he did stop hitting them but continues to this day threatening to fight them when he argues (I don't think it was ever appropriate for some 50-year-old veteran to threaten to fight a middle schooler but I digress) Now whenever I have to visit their house for holidays/my mom misses me, I get extreme anxiety being there (mostly for a few days but I once stayed a week and came back exhausted) I had anxiety when we all lived together, but now that I've been living without my stepdad for a minute, I actually see the difference of me being anxious/my behavior. I've bitten my nails so short they bleed, and I am in and out of the bathroom every 5 minutes with (sorry for the tmi) anxiety shits I continuously survey the room to see how everyone is acting and if he's there or not. If I see him/hear him or I think I see him/hear him, I start monitoring how all of my family is acting and try and control them so they don't make a wrong comment and start a fight. Every waking moment around him I am stressing out because I know if I don't fix how my siblings act around him, they could say something wrong and he would go off. My therapist says this might be a trauma response from me, and from what I described it seems like I'm in fight or flight mode constantly whenever he's around, which probably isn't good for my physical wellbeing. The experiences I've witnessed coupled with the stories I hear from his adult kids and my younger stepbrother of him abusing them/neglecting them/worse makes me feel very unsafe around him. I've talked to my mom about this, and I know it must break her heart, her kid being terrified by someone she loves and she can't really do anything about it. She says he's changed, but tbh it hasn't been that long since I've known him. I was in 8th grade when they started dating, and now I'm in 12th, his behavior and actions may have changed more positively over this short few years, but I doubt how much better he'll get. I told my mom if he still acts like this when I'm in my later 20s, I might have to cut him off. He's 51 rn, and he has been in the military and sheriff departments for years, If he can't mature more after what must've been very maturing/growing experiences, I don't think he will. I hate upsetting my mom, but he's so incredibly frightening/anxiety-inducing, I KNOW that not being around him/in contact with him would be the best for my mental health. These actions, plus his words don't help either. My mom says he likes 'stirring the pot' (whatever that means) and he's never serious. I don't know how she married someone and they refuse to talk about politics when someone's morals and values are so important and intimate to know about one another. I don't really want to bring up politics here, I don't know if it would be appropriate, but as someone in the LGBT community, I don't feel safe around him or anyone he's friends with. It's different if he got gifted some trump pence mug as a free add-on from some company he bought from, but he put a trump pence pin on his motorcycle jacket with he wears a lot. Seeing that around the house and with him in public doesn't make me feel safe. At all. It's scary, I feel like I can't come out/transition socially (even though almost all of my family and friends would support me) because I have absolutely no clue where he stands on lgbt ppl. I'm scared he'd hurt me or deny that I exist or something worse. It really hurts me that my mom takes his side over me, she's known me longer than him but it feels like she loves him more. I TOLD her I he makes me feel unsafe and I feel unsafe in what is supposed to be my 'second home'. Why didn't she care more? I don't get it. It feels like she loves him more than me. I feel bad about feeling this way because I know it's been way better for my stepsiblings now that my mom is involved. All of their mother figures have been alcoholic/abusive/neglectful, and my mom loves them like they're her own born and raised. And obviously because of my mom my stepdad isn't physically abusive anymore, so I feel bad wishing they never met because then my stepbrothers would still be getting hurt. No one else in my family really feels this way, except my older bio-sister. She hates him but isn't scared of him. I feel weak and pathetic because I'm scared of someone who I have so little respect for. My twin isn't even scared of him either. Though I worry about her because it seems like she's just going through the motions, she doesn't have any real opinion on anything because she just adapts to every incident that occurs. She just goes along with everything that happens. Any advice on stuff I haven't tried yet? Sorry for the long post, there's just so much going on and I feel like no one relates to me.",Disciplinary step dad that can be abusive sometimes,Passive mother,,,,Step child, My stepmom is getting remarried to a woman and I don’t know how to feel,"For context I (15m) have known my (step)mom (40f) for most of my life. My real mom died giving birth to me and my dad married her when I was four. She then adopted me and my dad died when I was ten. Now my stepmom has gotten engaged to Christina (45f) and they will be getting married in February. My stepmom asked me to walk her down the aisle saying how I’m her son and that she loves me more than life and how it would mean so much to her. I love her but I just don’t know how to feel. Christina has been really nice to me but I’m not sure if I am supposed to let her be another mom to me or if I should start calling her momma or something. I just don’t know what to feel and I want a great relationship with her but I just don’t know how to do it. Internet strangers please help me.",Difficulty processing feelings of stepmom marrying another woman,,,,,Step child, (20F) I have a feeling my stepmom secretly resents me-what do I do? This has been going on for ten years I’m so soo frustrated,"Oooooh boy, grab some popcorn. So basically my parents have been divorced since I was about 4. They hated each other, and I really don’t think their co-parenting could have been any worse while I was growing up. My Dad first started dating another woman when I was around 7, and I absolutely adored her. She treated me like her own daughter, always included me, and supported my relationship with my Dad. Eventually that turned messy, and he started dating my current stepmom when I was around 10 years old. Goodness gracious she was the complete opposite of his ex. She also had a son of her own that was about my age. She seemed to be very accepting of me at first, and my and my stepbrother got pretty close. Side note, he had a ton of anger issues and would do some pretty mean things to me growing up including holding my head underwater and overall being aggressive. After awhile I started to notice the favoritism toward my stepbro with the gifts he got, pics on the wall, super cool bedroom etc. Somehow I would always end up trouble for things he did, and she would never acknowledge his behavior. Even being that young I noticed how she reacted whenever I got attention from my Dad. Well over time she continued to drive a wedge between me and my Dad, eventually I hated going to his house and stopped going altogether. Fast forward to now, they are married and have two more kids together. I recently moved back in with my Dad due to me and my Mom not getting along super well. I haven’t lived with him for about 7 years, but recently our relationship seemed to be improving and he was actually making an effort so I thought things would be better. BOY was I mistaken lmao. Now my stepmom is back on her bs and creating the same problems she did when I was younger. She is so passive aggressive and has such a fake demeanor towards me. I’m not gonna say I’m a perfect 20 year old, but I’m respectful, help out, take care of all of my own responsibilities, I’m kind to my brothers, I’m clean and overall I just mind my own business. It’s hard to explain without sounding dramatic, buts it’s the constant little things. If I try to eat certain snacks that my brothers just ate, she’ll go out of her way to tell me not to eat it all. I told her once that im supposed to drink cranberry juice to help with my bladder issues, and I came home to find all the cranberry juice in the fridge/pantry with tape that said “{her name} only” on it. Every. Single. Bottle. She acts like im inconveniencing her whenever I have laundry to do. Today, I mentioned to her how I got some new clothes and was super excited, and that I wanted to wash them before tomorrow. She started going on about how she has a ton of my bros laundry to do and that I’ll have to wait until later. I swear this woman does laundry everyday and is always super fast, and for some crazyyy reason today it took her all night to finish two loads. Interesting. She also makes a specific face whenever my brothers show me affection, not in disgust but more of disdain if that makes sense? Same thing whenever my Dad gives me a sliver of attention, and I notice she will always insert herself somehow. One of the biggest things that drives me up the wall, she is constantly making these passive aggressive comments towards me acting like she’s just joking around. It’s almost always a critique or something negative. I noticed she only does that when we’re around my Dad, so I’m not sure if that means anything? Whenever I’m dressed up and looking pretty for something (and my Dad is around) her mood kinda changes and she’ll be cranky out of nowhere. There’s so many other things but I know I’ve made you guys read enough already oh my gosh. I have been nothing but respectful towards her but I’m getting so fed up, i feel like I could snap at her at any moment. I feel like she resents me in some way, and as weird as it sounds I think she might be jealous or something? Ugh I was so happy when me and my Dad started to reconnect, and now I feel like she’s trying to drive that same wedge all over again. I’m just hoping for some sort of advice, or at least to know that my frustrations are valid. Please help ):",Difficult step mum,Passive dad,Little to no affection for step child,,,Step child, Need Help Salvaging Relationship With Step Dad,"This post wasn't accepted to the step-parent sub so posting here instead. This will also be long because this is also a rant. I'm a stepson, and my step dad and I do not see eye to eye. We have argued with each other several times. I have never shouted at him but he has shouted at me on several occasions. Currently things are uneasy. We aren't openly hostile but I can feel the tension whenever we speak, and my mother tells me he does too. We try to feign pleasantness with each other. For example, he cooks breakfast often and dinner as well, and I always make sure to complement him, but in the mornings I don't even want to leave my room in fear of talking to him even when I need to get ready for school, and at night if he's in the kitchen where he'll see me leave my room I will stay until I hear their bedroom door close even if I desperately need to use the bathroom, need a drink, etc. He has never hit me but he is from Texas and very stubborn and opinionated and has a history of violence with his former step-parents, so I'm scared to push him. I have a horrendous reputation with my bio-dad. We haven't spoken in years. That bridge is burned, and involved court. I will not speak to him ever again, and my family agrees with that decision. There was physical violence involved with me and my mother, so he is genuinely gone from my life. But because of that, it's impacting my relationship with my step dad and I feel so fucking terrible for it. He knows what happened with my bio-dad and tries to empathize, but everytime I hear his voice in the other room I get scared thinking about interacting with him and it's the worst thing in the world because I know he wants a family. He's 40 years old and my mother (who I love dearly) is 39. He has never had kids and is trying to learn how to parent. He tries to go do things with us but I always try to wriggle out of it and feel like such an entitled brat because I enjoy when he's not around and feel like I can breathe. My mother knows and agrees that he's very hard to talk to, and even HIS own mother said he's bad with communication and family relationships. But I'm 17 and I feel like I have to be man enough to love him but I don't know how. My dad and I never did stuff even when we were ""good"" and it doesn't feel right when I interact with my step dad because of that. But I have to change this because I know he absolutely hates it when he does nice things for us but we won't love him back. I know this. And I hate that part of myself. That takes all the good things he does for us and shuns him and shuts him out in return. I hate myself for it. I recently started reading some of your guy's experiences as step-parents on the step-parent sub. I've been reading how you feel about your stepchildren and what they do. I don't get violent with him like I've read in some of these stories, but from what I'm reading I'm ticking all the boxes for entitled brat and I want to change our relationship. And this is the part where I ask you for help. What do you want from your step-children as a step parent? What can they do that will tell you they love you? I don't want to move out at 18 and constantly be thinking about my step-dad in the worst way and hate talking with him. I want to salvage this relationship and bond with each other but I don't know how, so please help me understand how you want your step-children to interact with you. Anything is appreciated because I feel like I don't know how to communicate or interact with father figures. Thank you. This is a burner account because of how personal this is to me.",Difficult relationship between step son and step dad,Step child does not feel at home,Abusive biological dad (out of the picture),Step child asking for help to improve the relatonship with step dad,,Step child, I'm jealous of my Stepmom and I just want my relationship with my Dad back.,"Hi. I am honestly at my wit's end and I need help getting my mind sorted out and my priorities straight. Here's my story, sorry it's a bit long. So I grew up with no Mom. It was just me and my Dad and my younger brother. They're all I knew. We spent weekdays in foster care and weekends with him. It was an awesome time for me. Of course I would rather have lived with him but we were very little and I understood the necessity for him to work n such. On the weekends, he took a lot of time to play with us and I felt like he was present. In fact, I was a total Daddy's girl and he was my world. I felt like we were a dream team. Sure, we lacked someone, but I didn't care. The foster family was great, and the rest of it, we made work. That is until one day he opened the door and introduced his girlfriend to us. I was 5 and shocked to the core. He hadn't told us that he was dating, and I realized that apparently, there was no dream team from his perspective because there was a whole adult dimension to him that he didn't bother to tell me about. I felt betrayed because they clearly had been dating for a while, and I immediately disliked her because although she was decent, she felt emotionally unavailable and more interested in my Dad. Welp, a while after that he asked us kids if he could marry her, and I said Yes because if he felt he needed a romantic relationship, I wanted him to be happy. I certainly didn't need her. I hoped it wouldn't change anything between us. But then they got married and I stepped back to give them privacy...like, I had used to crawl into his bed on Sunday mornings for example, and just cuddle with him, and I immediately stopped doing that bc I was afraid of walking into something awkward. All of the other things that I considered ""our thing"", aka my whole alone time with him, stopped. And he didn't seem to miss it at all. He gave all his time to her now. Then my brother started to call her Mom, and I thought: Traitor. And I thought to myself ""oh well, she's not going to go away ever again, they're already married, she's going to be part of our life forever, so I might as well call her Mom too so I don't look like an asshole"", even though I felt deeply uncomfortable about it. By the time I was 7 I wanted to tell my Dad that I missed him and that I didn't want to share him with his wife and that I felt excluded, and then BOOM. They announced a baby. And that's when I realized that ""shit, they started to completely live this family without me. They went ahead and did their adult thing and made their happy adult plans, all while I was wondering how to tell him."" I didn't know another baby would ever be on the table when they married. I didn't see that coming at all, it was another shock. And I felt like I should have said smth sooner, and I felt incredibly stupid for thinking that they would be considerate of me. And so I felt forgotten, and replaced, because again they hadn't asked for my permission before they had this baby, and now it was too late to do anything. They had literally started a new family and didn't give a shit about how I felt. To be fair, I never told them. I did this for my Dad's happiness. I withdrew deeply into myself and vanished and gave them their space, because apparently I wasn't important anymore and I deserved it for letting it happen. Fast forward through my teen years, and I'm starting to ask about my bioMom. My Dad tells me she was severly mentally ill, but she was also a real bitch, and she committed suicide and he blames her for leaving him alone with two kids. And I'm thinking ""oh great, now I don't even have a bioMom to be proud of"". I ask more about her. My Dad refuses because he prefers his new life. I start to identify a lot with her and want to hear positive things as I have to fully take care of myself emotionally and I'm looking for guidance. I'm suspecting that I'm a lot like her, but I'm also ashamed of her because of all the negative stuff that I'm discovering. Physically, I am her striking image. My Dad tells me it's been 20 years, I shouldn't nag him anymore and should stop living in the past. I miss her because I miss him. To me, this isn't in the past. I have had no Mom, I'm half her which looks bad, I'm jealous as hell of my Stepmom, and I want my Dad to speak positively about my bioMom so I can have a more stable identity. Instead, he tore through my childhood back then without warning. He happily traded our good relationship for a romantic relationship that did close to nothing for me and now he even refuses to give me a positive image of my Mom and a shread of self-worth as a woman. He's shit-talking about her and wants to forget her. I am 25 now and struggling to build my own life. Getting distance from my Dad has helped tremendously with getting a hang of what I actually want. I admit that I'm still wildly jealous of my Stepmom. For some reason I feel entitled to my Dad's affection as I assumed we shared our grief for a wonderful wife and mother who had sadly passed away too soon. This was never true from his perspective, but it was my first identity and frankly, I think, what any child deserves. I felt like he should have honored my Mom and shared his life with me as I'm his oldest, responsible daughter who dearly loves him, and who was ready to live with the sacrifice. I was also there first. Instead, he redirected the entire family vibe into something that has never felt like home to me. My brother, however, feels fine with it. We haven't talked about all of this and sadly, it drove us apart. To this day, I can't work because of impostor syndrome that came bc seems like I wasn't even good enough to keep my own Dad from remarrying. The jealousy is still eating me up and I don't trust anyone else emotionally enough to back me up yet. I'm building strong relationships, but those take time and in the meantime, loneliness causes me to be addicted to things. I'm also completely burnt out, spending all my energy still trying to find a way to reconnect with my Dad, because I believe in his good intentions (I respect to a certain point that he got hurt too) and I am admittedly slow to give up. This is getting dangerous as child support will fall away soon and I'm still in the process of getting an academic degree. But I can't just lose him to a pathetic sob story guys. I can't lose him. Here's my question: To what extent did I have the right to speak into my father's life at 4-6 years old? Is it my fault to be this possessive of him? From my perspective, he was all we had. Then he threw our existing family away and caused me to be unhappy til I moved out. From his perspective, he got himself a new wife and a new Mom for us kids because he couldn't do it alone. To him, the past is long gone and I shouldn't worry about it. Technically, I'm an adult now and should be able to get over it. But I can't seem to let go. If I'm in the wrong, help me and tell me how to rid myself of that terrible jealousy. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to play second/third fiddle in his life either because I deserve to be put first by someone. I'm still telling myself he's all I have because I have never dated before and although I have good friends now, I'm afraid to solely rely on them as my support network. I'm this () close to break ties with him altogether because the whole thing's exhausting but why should I if he meant well? I want him to walk me down the isle one day as the dream team that we used to be, but he has this completely distorted view of the happy family he built, denying that we are blended and all, which clashes with my own view. I can't live like this. I lowkey like my Stepmom, but I need them both to at least acknowledge my bioMom as having existed and as a good person who got hurt too. I want our old relationship back but he made his choice: New wife over me. I represent the old. The thing is, if I let him go, I'll be alone and orphaned for good (he broke all contact with the relatives from my bioMom's side, and tbh I have no desire to go looking for them). Rent is due in a month, and I had so hoped to be married by now. But I'm not dating bc nobody deserves to be burdened with problems this huge from their partner. I'd like to deal with my crap first and build a healthy family later. Thoughts?",Daughter feels betrayed by father for marrying a new wife,Daughter is jealous of step mom because she took her place,,,,Step child, I'm getting a stepmother in a couple of hours.,"My (19F) parents divorced ten years ago because my mom was abusive. Since then, it has been me and my dad against the world. She has tried to reconnect this past year, but things didn't work out. I have autism and, due to the abuse, developed other mental illnesses. It turns out my dad has been seeing someone since three years ago, a former coworker who I don't know. They planned to get married and decided to do so today. Due to my poor mental health, my dad decided not to tell me until the last minute. She will move in with us, but my condition makes changes challenging, specially sudden ones. Does anyone have any tips on how to cope?",Child has mental health challenges,Needs help on how to deal with suddenly having a stepmother,,,,Step child, "Help, I am a ""mini wife"". The key is simply recognition","I'm gonna jump right in...see, as there was no Mom in our household, I, being in the oldest daughter, automatically rose in the hierarchy, moving up to the position of Mom. My Dad would become angry and frustrated easily from the stress of raising us, so I tried from as early as I can remember to be as responsible as possible to not cause him further unhappiness. I hated to see him sad and overwhelmed, so I tried to be helpful instead. I also felt responsible for my little brother and giving him a Mom. So I grew up in that role, trying to replace my late mother and feeling very proud and selfless about it, actually. I always just assumed that it would always be this way – that if this was our lot in life, I would readily step up to it and that for the burden of having to grow up fast, I would get to enjoy my father’s admiration and undivided attention. So, then he got himself a new wife. They pushed for adoption of us kids. And my life in hell began. Because I felt so *humiliated*. Here I was, having willingly and proudly sacrificed my childhood because the situation freaking *required* it, - no way was I gonna let my family go down - and no I was not recognized or thanked or treated as appropriate because all of a sudden, my Dad got himself a stranger who apparently could do it better just because she was an actual adult. If she had been a hired nanny or something, that would have been an entirely different story because woman would have gotten paid to take care of us and wouldn’t have disturbed our family. But like this? *I knew very well that I was way too young for it, yet I did the work*, I would have continued to learn all the necessary things as fast as possible and do the thing without complaining. Only to be replaced and completely passed over by my Dad who made me feel so incredibly stupid for thinking I could fill that void at 5-6 years old. But the fact remains that I did not make this up...!???? There HAD BEEN a void for some time that HAD needed filling. For some time, I had NEEDED to step up. And to belittle me so for bravely taking on that role and pushing me back into the bratty child dynamic when I had literally tried to save us...??? Made me feel utterly worthless tbh. And so the competition started. Yes I was rivaling my stepmother. My Dad didn’t tolerate it, in fact he grew very uncomfortable when I tried to seek closeness to him. But the thing is, I was never formally exonerated from my duty as instant-Mom. See, a wedding is kind of a formal declaration that a man or a woman are no longer single. They talk about it, they express it in law and in symbolism and in affection. They make that conscious decision together. But no one kinda ever told *me* that I could stop being the instant-Mom now. That I was officially released from the burden. That I could be a child again. (Which I never identified as btw. Someone would have had to deliberately and graciously teach me what that even meant!) And so the roles got entirely reversed: Not only did I keep acting responsible for my Dad, I now legit thought I was responsible for my SM and HER kids and for making THEM happy too!!! I see a lot of the threads around this topic being unbelievably harsh on the child’s behavior. Like the kid is snobbish and arrogant and needs to be pushed back into their role as child by force. Welp, that didn’t work on me... because all it made me feel was shame, and anger, and bitterness and invisibility and unwantedness for my honest efforts to help this family through our loss. And so I felt the urge to prove them wrong and be a better adult than the actual adult. I...would have liked some form of recognition. Not even by my BD, but rather by the new SM. Someone telling me “Thank You for getting your family through at an age where no one should have to be doing this.” Something like “I know you were so, so brave and so, so strong. But baby, you can let go of that burden now. You can release it, because I, the Stepmom, am now here to do it, and you can relax because I will take care of you, too.” I would have needed her to show me what that actual release meant and looked like. That I was not forced to be the stupid kid (which insulted and betrayed the sense of love, duty, and the sensibility I had shown), but *allowed* to let go and relax. I would have needed someone to give me grace at being irresponsible again. Tbh I don’t really know how to let go of it now, because I couldn’t actually be a kid anymore even if I was allowed to. I’m 25. I’m stuck wanting to be a kid yet never getting the chance for that ever again. My SM and I are rivals, I wish it could have been different. Please, if you’re a stepparent, help your stepkid by telling them Thank You and that they may drop the act now. We really want you to be the adult and we need it so badly. We just got stuck in survival mode and then got punished for it. So we hold on to the position and we strike back.","Child became a ""mom"" too early",Rivalry between stepmom and step daughter,The loss of childhood,,,Step child, I caught my stepmother cheating and I don't know what to do,"My dad has been married to my stepmom Alex since I was 6 years old. Alex has been a wonderful mom to me and Im grateful for it but this is why it hurts me. So for background info after my mom died he was extremely sad and that is when he met Alex, they had a semi large age gap cuz he was like 36 and she was 25, Alex stayed home with me when my dad was at work and she always made sure I was well taken care of and treated me like I was her own son. So my dad is on a worktrip for a couple weeks and I started to notice Alex was much more withdrawn then usual and was always on her phone texting someone. Then last night I was out with some friends and came home late, I noticed a light was on in my parents room. I was surprised because its not like Alex to stay up late, so I come in the house and am going up to their room so I can talk to her when I start hearing.... noises. I look inside and see Alex with another man. She didn't see me and I left immediately to my room. Later Alex drove the guy home and when she came back I was in the kitchen and said hi. She asked me when I got back and said a couple of hours ago. She looked kind of scared and so just quickly hugged me and wished me goodnight. I don't know what to do. Im scared if I tell my dad that Alex will hate me and not be my mom anymore or that my dad will divorce her and I will lose my mom. I need advice cause Im scared. Please help me.",Cheating step mom,Step child is confused whether or to tell biological dad,,,,Step child, SM Miscarriage,"I’m 14 and I have a stepmom who I really like. She isn’t the first stepmom I’ve had and I’ve known her for around a year now. We get along really well, watch TV together, etc. A month ago she told us she was pregnant and me and my older brother were excited. We have 4 half siblings so we definitely like kids in this family. Today she told me she’s going to get an ultrasound and she was worried because she’s been bleeding. My dad is out of town and I felt really bad because she had to go alone. When she came back, I asked how it went and she said not good. We took the dog for a walk and she kind of blurted out that there won’t be a baby. I told her it’s okay and that I’m sorry and we changed the subject kind of quickly. She went right up to bed when we got back and I don’t know what to do. I want to give her space, but I don’t want her to feel alone. My mom offered kind words and I’m unsure if I should relay them to my SM. My dad won’t be back for a couple days and I don’t want her to sit alone until then. I was thinking I’ll let her be alone tonight and tomorrow I’ll get her churros or chips or ice cream maybe. Any thoughts or suggestions? I’m fine by the way, I know that these things happen and I didn’t get my hopes up much just in case. I just don’t want her to feel alone or have too horrible an experience",Care for stepmom,,,,,Stepchild, Stepmom told me she was proud of me today,"So I am (15m) and I have a Stepmom named Julie (40f). She married my dad last year, my mom has been dead for the last 5 years. Julie has tried her hardest to bond with me but we just don't have many similar interests. So I had a soccer game yesterday and she was the one who came out and watched me. So me and my team managed to win and after the game Julie came up and hugged me and kissed my forehead and told me how she was so proud of me. We then went home and later I was checking social media and saw that she posted how she was becoming a ""soccer mom"" due to me winning. Im glad she's my stepmom.",Bonding between step mom and step son,,,,,Step child, My stepparents are driving me crazy,"For background, I (16nb) have divorced parents. My mom (37f) married my stepdad Damon (50m) 4 years ago and my dad (40m) married my stepmom Jacky (36f) 5 years ago. My parents divorced when my sister (13f) we’re four and one. Damon is an all around rude person. He hasn’t been very accepting of me since I came out as non-binary and will sometimes call me by my dead name. My mom has been extremely supportive and tries to put him in his place but it doesn’t help. Damon also still calls me ‘his boy’ even though I’m not a boy and I’m not his son. Jacky has always tried to get me to call her mom and just in general be ‘my mom’ and either live with her and my dad full time or just stop seeing my mom. Jacky is better than Damon but she still drives me nuts. She is pregnant and tells me how I should call her mom so I don’t confuse my baby sibling and stuff. On the other hand she has been very accepting of me being non binary and has shown that she loves me but I think she is just overly pushy with it. I do have good days with Damon sometimes and before I came out he was kind of a nice guy, but after I came out he has been this way but he clearly loves my mom and says he cares about me and my sister like his own but I’m not sure. Just needed a place to vent but any advice would be appreciated. Hope anyone reading this has a good day.",Bio parents separated and remarried,Step dad in not accepting of non-binary step child,,,,Step child, i want to be happy for my mom but i just can’t.,"using a throwaway here. for backstory, my (15f) mom and dad split about a year and a half ago - and in this year and a half, she wasn’t present in my life for about 8 months of it. she left to go be with her current fiancé and didn’t contact me once, and she didn’t come back into my life until school started, but by that point the damage was done and i had become very emotionally distant. and in this time a lot of anger and resentment festered as well. i love my mom. a lot. she’s currently engaged to be eventually married to a man with two daughters (15 and 17) who are kind, but i don’t relate to them and can’t connect with them at all. since she’s come back she’s repeatedly ignored me saying that i wasn’t ready to become integrated into her new family in favor of her new step daughters wanting to meet me. she would constantly force me into situations where i had no choice but to interact with them, and all times they seemed to treat me like i was an alien and seemed extremely condescending. and yesterday, on mother’s day, my mom announced that she’s pregnant with her fiancé’s child. and i’m not happy for her. i want to be, so badly. but i just can’t. because i know the first chance she gets she’ll leave me for this kid just like she did before. she came back into my life and i got used to seeing her again and now i know there’s only two options - she’ll either force me to apart of this kid who i genuinely don’t care about at all’s life, or she’ll ignore me again in favor of the kid. i don’t know. maybe im being spoiled because i’ve been an only child all my life, but i didn’t mind my soon to be step sisters. they’re nice. but this is all just too much. im scared that she’ll love this kid more than she ever loved me, because i’ve never been exactly well behaved, and this kid will get the happy childhood i never got to have. part of me wants to be apart of my moms new family but they don’t treat me like im family. they treat me like an alien or acquaintance. i want to tell her that i want no part in her new life but another part of me wants my mom to love me as much as she did when i was a kid. i’m not sure if anyones been in a similar situation before, but any advice to help deal with these feelings would be great. i hate feeling like this",Bio mom not showing love for first daughter after she found a new husband,Daughter jealous of mom having a child for step dad because she wants to have all the attention she can get,,,,Step child, I need advice,"My Step-mum has been with my dad since I was 3 and a half years old. Its been abit over a decade, and my dad gets annoyed when I call my Stepmum mum, or when i write her things for mothers day and call her mum. My Bio Mum is out of the picture. Im lucky to see her once a year for max a week. My Stepmum has done all the things a normal mum should do. She comes to Parent teacher conferences, she Comes to the end of year assemblies and Prizegivings, she comes to Productions and she gets me ready for school activities, and comes whenever she can. My Bio mum came to one school function. My year 6 production, 4 years ago. My dad still yells at me when I call my Stepmum my mum, even though my biomum tells me that its okay, because I've got two mums, but my dad still gets angry. I dont know what to do, because i slip up sometimes and call my stepmum my mum.","Bio dad not comfortable with child calling stepmum ""mum""",Absent bio mum,,,,, I would like advice,"Hey uhh, throwaway account. To really anyone, I would like some advice Do any of you stepkids call your non bio parents mom/dad? If so do you have any advice considering I have a stepfather and he has become a really big inspiration and part of my life since my bio dad passed away in 2018 and he’s been in my life almost 5 years now. I am considering starting to call him my dad due to the fact that is how I see him and he has done so much for me within the past 5 years. And I feel like it would be the finishing thing to do. He already knows and acknowledges that he is my stepfather. But he has become more of a dad to me. And so from your perspective. What would be the do’s and don’t’s to this situation and how could I go about it in your opinion? As well of the fact I am up to the idea of starting to consider him as my dad because I am finally starting to accept the loss of my bio dad. I am more than up to calling him dad now and have been considering asking him to adopt me. In your own view as a fellow stepkid, what next steps do you recommend I take?",Asking for some advice on steps to take in order to call step dad dad,Loving and caring step dad,,,,Step child, Would you want to know if your bio parent was not a good person/parent?,"Just a general question. My step sons mom is a less than ideal parent and she all but abandoned him for the summer. We DO NOT say anything bad about his mother ever and we never would. But I wonder if we are doing him a disservice by just letting him idolize her when she neglected him bad. I am curious if kids who were told the truth about their parents were better off. Why wouldn’t you want to know if your parent wasn’t the good parent you imagined that they were? This is an open discussion so all answers are welcome :) EDIT: Typos",Asking a question ,,,,,Step mom, "SM to 3 step kids, looking for kids POV","Hello, I just found this subreddit and am hoping to get some advice from step kids/children of divorce. My partner is dad to 3 kids, oldest son 14, middle daughter 13, and youngest daughter 10. We have been together almost 7 years and I met the kids after dating for one year. Their BioMom is primary and we have every other weekend with Wednesday evenings. For those that had this schedule or something similar, how is/was your relationship with the non-primary parent? There is still some conflict between the bio parents and I’m wondering what their dad and I can do to maintain a healthy relationship with them. As a step parent I have a pretty good relationship with each of them, but am worried we will become Disneyland parents. They don’t bring HW because their mom has said that is her responsibility. Is there anything extra we should try to be doing? We spend time with them when they are here, have meals together, but give them their space too. Is there anything you appreciated your parent/step parent doing to make you feel comfortable or safe in the household? I don’t want to bribe the kids to stay here… I just want to make sure dad and I doing the right thing. Hope that made sense. I appreciate any input.",Asking a question ,,,,,Step mom, Spending Step kids visit in a hotel,"Would it be considered rude if i would like to stay at hotel during my partner's kids visit? I work from home and need a lot of peace as i meet clients online. I also feel my privacy is intruded as my partner's ex almost interrogate the kids about everything happing in our place. I'm afraid this would raise up a fight or an arrangement with him if i suggest that.",Asking a question ,,,,,Step parent, Moms getting along?,"Hey, stepmom here. I was wondering for those of you with a mom and a step mom, do they get along? If so does it help, and If they didn’t get along in the beginning did they start getting along later and what difference did it make to you? If they still don’t, do you wish they did? What do you think would be different? My kids mom and I are starting to be friendly and it’s awkward, at first, especially since their parents didn’t agree about schedules, money, activities etc for a long time but getting better between her and me and I’m starting to believe it’s worth while. It would help me to tough out this awkward part if I know it will make a difference. I love my step kids a lot, more than words. Thank you for sharing Rainey",Asking a question ,About building a relationship with step children's biological mom,,,,Step parent, "U.S.- Forgive the intrusion… seeking advice- My First Mother’s Day, their first without bio mom","..coming up will be my first official Mother’s Day /10 years trying with ex..then miracle baby with husband) but also first official as bonus/step mom.. My boys (14M, 13M, lost their bio mom 2 weeks to the day after my (bio) daughter was born, and one year(exact day)after their grandma(bio mom’s mom) passed… it’s been a rough year/ 3 years for them. I want to do something special for them for Mother’s Day. They have already been adamant about doing something for me but I really want something special to celebrate their bio mom. They asked if we could go fishing in the morning which I already planned on but if there is anything else that would help…for them, I would really appreciate. Please forgive formatting on mobile.",Asking a question ,Step mom curious about what nice things to do for step children on Mother's day (they lost their biological mom),,,,Step parent, My daughter doesn’t like her soon to be step brother. Living together for almost a year and she can’t stand him. She’s 11 and he is 6. She will literally ignore him. What should I do? How should I handle this or should I just walk away?,,Asking a question ,Step mom trying to find a solution to why her daughter does not like her step son,,,,Step parent, Advice from step children needed,"Only to step children who experienced mental health abuse from biological parent. What age did you realised that your biological parent is manipulating you and lying to you? I struggle to approach the situation as I hate lies. I dont want at the same time to push my stepdaughter to believe in her mum lies more to protect her from my 'bad thinking' about her mum.",Asking a question ,Step mom curious about how to deal with a biological mom who is manipulative,,,,Step parent, "my dad a stepmom are broken up, not divorced but broken up and they have my brother together, is it wrong for me to want them to breakup?",,Asking a question ,,,,,Step child, How to help my stepson,"My nine year old stepson is struggling. I just had his baby sister and he is sweet as pie to her and such an amazing big bro, but I can tell he gets jealous. His momma broke up with a boyfriend he absolutely loved, and that ex doesn’t reply to his texts. Momma has a new bf he doesn’t like, mutual friends say he’s kind of a jerk. He goes to school that he doesn’t live in the neighborhood. He is bullied. He’s also ridiculously smart, which somehow makes it land especially hard. He’s been having nightmares. He can’t sleep. I placed an air mattress in our room so he can sleep there with us until we figure something out. He doesn’t have friends. He’s been crying. My heart is breaking for him. Dad is heartbroken, too. We slather him in affection, he’s amazing. We have dinner as a family at the table, playing games instead of sending him to his room on the computer. We are pretty wholesome and stable. His momma is awesome, we don’t know if we are overthinking it or not but we are worried. I’m not exactly sure what to be worried of, but obviously something is wrong. He has been crying, spilling his guts, clinging to me. Like physically wont let me move. I love all these extra snuggles but I am so worried about our son. I don’t know what to think or do. Stepkids, will you please share your experiences and help a dad and stepmomma help our son?",Asking a question ,,,,,Step mom, How do I get my stepson to not resent me,"So I realize that this is an odd place to post this questions but, I feel like maybe getting advice from people who are actually step-kids would help. I have a grown step child, 19 yo. I've been in his life for 12 years. In the last year, I feel like he resents me. He has gotten rude to me over the course of the last year. As long as I'm just cooking/cleaning for him and don't ask him for anything, he seems fine but, the minute I ask him for anything, he just seem annoyed. I've tried to arrange to do a couple fun things with him in the past 6 months (just me and him), and both times he cancelled the day of. This past week, he screamed at me over something very small. I don't feel like he hates me all the time but, I mostly feel like I'm just in his way. I've gotten advice on how to handle it but, I'm worried it'll push him further away. If I have his Dad talk to him, he'll resent me for that. If I try to talk to him about it, he'll probably just blame me. Most people have told me just to ignore the behavior, to stop going out of my way all the time for him. Like stop trying to spend time with him, cooking/cleaning for him and to just pull back a bit. I just wonder how other Step Kids feel about their step-parents, and if any of you Step-Kids were able to turn around your relationship with your step-parent. Or perhaps you have advice on why all the sudden he resents me so much?",Asking a question ,,,,,Step mom, What do my sister and I call them?,"Hi all! I’m 23 and my sister is 24, and last year my dad got remarried. We’re getting some weird answers on what to call her and her 4 kids. Her youngest is 8 and her oldest is 25 and they all live in another state with my dad and 16yo brother. All her kids call my dad “dad” and my brother calls her “mom”. Our question is how do we refer to them? A lot of the adults in my life are saying she’s not really a step mom because she’s not really a mom figure since my sister and I are too old. So I should refer to her as “my dads wife” but then what would I call the kids? Would they be “my dads step children”? Or since he fully accepts them as his own would we call them “my dads kids”? Or is it okay to just ignore the “adults” and call them all step mom and step siblings? Even that feels a little weird since my sister and I are really not close to any of them at all. Is there another term that might fit better! I’m a little lost haha",Asking a question,,,,,Stepchild, How do I as a mother foster a good relationship with my SO and my children?,"Please remove if not allowed. I’m not a step child. We don’t have any in my family. My question to you as people who have lived through this situation is simple. What can I do to make things as easy and peaceful as possible? What should I not do? My kids are young (5/8) and I want them to feel loved and supported in both homes (mine and their fathers). Any and all advice is appreciated.",Asking a question,,,,,Stepchild, My step-dad tends to say stuff that really upsets me and expect me to just deal with it and/or forget about it.,"Sorry if this doesn’t make much sense but it is late and I didn’t probably proof read this My (f16) step-dad (m41) is not a very emotional and sympathetic(?) person. It’s been a very hard year for me for multiple reasons and my mental health has been very bad. (For reasons I don’t wanna mention in this post). I’ll admit this could have made me a bit more sensitive(? Idk if that’s the right word). However the stuff he sometimes says have bothered me for years, even before he married my mum (f38) . The things he says usually are along the same line with me saying something that they (the three adults in the house) were doing then I get yelled at cause I apparently do the same thing. For example this happened a few days ago: It was about 11pm and the adults were being really loud, so I walk out of my room to see if it’s just chatting or arguing ect because I’m curious. I stood in the hallway for a few seconds then my mum asked me if I needed anything, I said something along the lines of “nothing, you guys are being loud tho” as just a comment. This may of been unnecessary to say but I was tired and wasn’t really thinking. After I say this my step-dad just laughs and says “your loud too, whenever you speak” (I will say I do have a loud voice in general but I know how to keep my voice quiet when it late) and then his brother (m40)(the 3rd adult in the house) said something similar with saying I’m loud and all that. I tried to say that’s not what I was meaning and I only said it to bring attention to it / to let them know cause it was late. My step-dads response was that I go around slamming doors and cupboards late at night so I can’t talk. ( I don’t and if doors slam at night it’s usually cause it wasn’t closed and the wind slams them shut) He started pretending to mimic like I was a whiny 2 year old and started saying things like “aww, let’s just slam doors when people are sleeping” and stuff like that and I said” that’s not fair, we were talking about speaking, nothing to do with unintentional noises(? Idk if that’s the right words for it)” He started saying something back in a patronising voice along the lines of “really, I think it is” I don’t remember exactly cause my mum started telling me to walk away. I probably shouldn’t of, but I said tried to argue back with my step-dad, then mum told me to walk away again so I did. I went into the bathroom cause I was about to have a shower before the argument and I started to cry because this stuff/ arguments are not uncommon and I always get treated like I’m being ganged up on by 2-3 adults. He’s not usually a bad person but I’m getting sick of feeling like it’s me against multiple adults",Argument with stepdad,,,,,Step child, My mom wants me to call her boyfriend uncle???,"We have been having an argument about this and ive repeatedly said that calling people by their first name is fine, and that i don't see why i should be calling them aunty or uncle. She then got heavily offended by it and said that i was being disrespectful towards my culture, which in my opinion made no sense. After all that i referred to my moms boyfriend by his name, and she looked shocked. I said that he wasn't my dad nor someone who is related to me and that i saw no reason for me to not call him by his first name, she still said i was being disrespectful even though he seems to have no problem with it.",Argument between mum and child on what name to call mom's boyfriend,,,,,Step child, Coping with parents arguing?,"So my parents split up when I was 2, and I was basically brought up by my mum and seen my dad bi weekly (all good there). However, they always had a good relationship and my mum didn’t date anyone until my step dad when I was around 14/15, when they got married and moved in together I was only around for a few months before I moved out for uni. Now 6 years later, I’m back home due to the pandemic and it’s horrible listening to my mum and step dad argue. He speaks to her so horribly sometimes and a part of me knows this is just a part of marriage but the arguing honestly gives me so much anxiety, to the point where I think every argument is going to lead to divorce. Does anyone else experience this? Growing up with no experience of parents arguing and not knowing how to deal with it.",Anxious from bio mom and step dad arguing,,,,,Stepchild, Really need to vent about all of this.,"I already know I have it loads better than most people here, but even with that I can’t help feeling like this. For context, my parents divorced 4ish years ago, though I’ve kinda lost count considering I was young enough to forget the year it was. I also have a sister. My dad got a girlfriend shortly after the divorce, and my mom has only had one boyfriend since. My dads girlfriend was in my dads apartment when I got there one week, and she hasn’t left since. They’re getting married within a month. Over the years, I’ve naturally gravitated more towards my mom. And this is one of my issues. I don’t know if I’m just telling myself I like her house more, or if I really do. She’s vented to me and my sister over the years about my dad not paying child support, or my stepmom being controlling, etc. And I’m wondering if since I just trust my mom, if maybe I just believe that with no evidence. On the other hand though, I can recount tons of times that my stepmom has been just an overall douchebag to my sister and I. Not to mention that she also drives us to and from my dads house, which kinda forces us to respect her. Worse, she has (on multiple occasions) told us “I do so much for you guys”. And it’s pretty damn clear that it’s manipulation. But still, I feel like maybe my mom has just slandered them. But then again, one of the things my mom has vented to us about quite frequently these past years is how manipulative my stepmom is. I’m just conflicted in my mind on who to trust. Typically my stepmom and dad are really kind when I’m there, but sometimes it’s been downright brutal. Right now, I hate my stepmom, and I’m kinda neutral with my dad. And I love my mom right now. Reason being, I feel fine, if not just completely happy at my moms. But at my dads, I want to isolate myself from everyone, and I’m always anxious to some degree. Either that, or I’m looking to get away from everyone and into a different room. And more into that manipulation, my stepmom recently has moved into doing this thing where she tells me that “she just knows I’m going to do something great when I’m grown up”. While she also is making me constantly anxious that she’s mad at me. And although I feel pretty grounded on who I trust in the moment, I still feel conflicted on who’s the bad guy in this situation. And because of that, I’m at a point where I cannot wait to move out. I know I would be infinitely happier if I could just move to the other side of the country, and break contact with everyone. Even the people I like right now, I just don’t want to bring any of my childhood into the rest of my life. Lastly, how I feel. It’s another reason why I want to move away from it all, mentally and physically. I feel empty. No sadness, no happiness. There are things that make me happy, sure, but my overall mood as a person is just emptiness. I don’t even feel like I truly love anyone anymore. I know I said I love my mom, but to be honest it’s more of just a liking. I felt really passionate about getting a girlfriend a few months back. Fuck that. It could just be the quarantine and all that, but I’m at a point where It’s not that I don’t care for relationships, I fully don’t want it. I want to be alone with a dog or something. I just hate everything going on. Conflict within myself, conflict with the divorce, all of this conflict. Once again, I just want to get away from it all. Unfortunately though, I have probably about at least 5 years left before I can make any decision on what I’m going to do about it all. And I’m honestly quite worried about my mental health. I feel disconnected from reality sometimes, and I’m worried that one day I might decide it’s just too much and off myself. I know this is all kind of jumbled, but sometimes just vomiting a hot mess of words on to strangers on the internet is nice.",Anxiety - from dad and stepmom's house,Distrust for parents and malice towards stepparent,Suicidal thoughts,Dissociating from family,,Stepchild, Done with conflict between Mom and Stepdad😒,"My (15f) stepdad has been living with me, my mom, and my sister for about two years. In that time, there have been a lot of good times but also a lot of drama. My mom resents my stepdad because he doesn't work or drive (due to past DUIs), my stepdad resents me because he thinks i'm selfish and spoiled (I tend to tear up when frustrated unfortunately), and my stepdad resents my mom because he believes her to be an alcoholic among other things. These issues have escalated recently, including two recent fights that at least flirted with breaking the law. A few weeks ago, my stepdad, (keep in mind, he has lost his license due to multiple DUIs), told my mom that I would never drive because he thinks me to be a ""headcase"". My mom told me about this, after which I got in an argument with him wherein he mocked my voice and went on and on about my apparently numerous character flaws. He also told me that he would never trust my mother again and that me crying because of his barrage of insults proved his point that I am crazy. A few weeks later, they had what would be their first brush with physicality. I woke up at 2 in the morning to my stepdad shouting about how much he ""despises"" my mom. The next morning my mom told me it got somewhat physical in the form of a push. I was under the impression they had broken up; but instead they decided to ""make changes"". Since then nothing has changed. This week, they got into a major fight over my mom drinking, which led to my stepdad making disparaging comments about my mom's age and body. She (I'm told) ripped off the necklace he gave her and although she won't tell me specifics lashed out at him physically. After this she officially broke up with him. I was sent a text by her to block my stepdad due to threats by him to text me a message that would make me ""lose all respect for her"". I did so, as my dad said he'd be checking and if I disobeyed and he texted me he would call the police. My mom told me we were going to live with my grandparents for a while. I was ready to start over and not deal with this situation. A few days later they were back together, apparently. My mom sent me a bullshit text about how they'll get therapy (they won't, they always say that), he'll get a job (he never does) , and they'll stop fighting (they will not). I'm honestly so done with all this. I try to be compassionate and gracious but I have to be honest, it gets a bit grating. I know my mom is an adult and I have no right to this decision but the screaming does legitimately affect my sleep and the constant disparaging remarks from my stepdad can hurt. I have tried to offer my mom gentle advice on the state of this relationship and its abusive tendencies but she elects not to listen. My stepdad tells me I need to live in my home state and ""carry his and my mom's caskets"" or I ""hate them"" but with all this I find myself wishing I was far away. I'm tired of living in chaos ngl. IDK rant over😓thanks for listening, advice welcomed.",Alcoholic mom and step dad,Abusive parents,,,,Step child, "Step kids of reddit, I'm going to marry a man with teen/young 20s kids. I love them all, they seem to like me. Their Mom is very much still mom and very loving. Give me advice. Any advice. From wedding day to funeral, all advice appreciated.",,"Advice on dealing with stepkids, loving family and present mum",Asking a question,,,,Stepmom, Giving up on any form of relationship with my stepdad in the future?,"Hello, I suppose im looking for some advice on my situation and whether there is any hope regarding my relationship with my stepdad. Also, maybe if there's any different perspectives regarding him. my sister (23F) and I (22F) were raised by my single mom for most of our life and she never really settled with any partner until a few years ago. In the beginning he was okay at first: nice and cared for my sister and I. Few years past like maybe 3 and things got weird, the gaslighting and yelling began but it wasn't terrible. Another 1-2 years passed and my mom got pregnant and she didn't want to keep the child but he convinced her, so that was weird. After she gave birth, he took like a whole 180 on his personality. The gaslighting, shouting, cheating, lecturing about the dumbest things you can think of was on a whole new level. I couldn't even make a cup of coffee without him lecturing me about how my method of making coffee was wrong and how Im too rude to implement his ""suggestions"". Speaking to him was like walking on eggshells, you never know when he will snap at you and you can be extremely kind but he will still go off on you to prove he is correct and you are wrong. Also, he cheated on my mom a few times within their 6-ish years of being together and has not apologized for it, but denies it! Also how he treated my sister - She is pretty young, 23, and has a boyfriend much older, around 50 something. My stepdad was pissed and hated it and hates her boyfriend just because of the age. After finding out, he treated her worse than my mom and I. She got yelled at everyday for again silly things like ordering from amazon? She had enough and moved out- im happy for her because it sucks here. He cant even be happy for her for anything, she got accepted for a masters program and he just critiqued her program of choice and said her boyfriend will dump her and leave her on the streets (what does her bf have to do with her accomplishments?). So all this was really pushing me to never want to talk to him when I move out or have any form of relationship. However, somehow it got worse. When my sister was still here, they got into an argument like usual. She ordered from amazon and he got pissed and lectured her, she argued back and brought up his cheating and he decided to say that her and me are not his children and only his biological child is in fact his only child. Argument ended there (not sure why I was brought into into his argument but oh well). I found it funny because he is a people pleaser and loves bragging about my sister and I with his friends and family and how he is so proud of us , calls us his daughters , yet he says something like that and treats us like crap. It also did shed some light of how he really views us vs. his biological child. It made me realize how much happier I was without any type of father figure and I wonder why my mom is still with him and yes I know leaving is not easy. I saw some other posts about trying to understand your stepparent's side and respecting them etc. I do respect him but I dont like him and dont understand how he cant see his wrongdoings and blame my mom or me and acts like it makes perfect sense, I really dont understand. Now, I dont engage In any possible arguments, talk to him when needed, act like everything is okay and just waiting for the day I can move out! A small part of me feels guilty for not wanting to continue a relationship with him in the future, because im thankful for everything he has done for me like helping to pay for my tuition but it doesn't really make up for all the terrible things I have to deal with due to him plus the impact on my mental health. Also, in the past we did have a ""discussion"" with him regarding his behaviour toward us which led to him becoming upset and leaving the house for a few hours so I dont think he is mature enough to sit down and listen to us to really try and understand our pov. I get it might feel like we were ""ganging"" up on him but how else are we suppose to tell him how we feel.",Abusive/erratic stepdad,Neglect of stepchildren in favour of biological child,Infidelity,,,Stepchild, i see a lot of posts here about stepkids who’s stepparents were really kind to them at first then slowly got meaner and stuff. but does anyone else have stepparents who were really mean to them at a certain point for years and years then suddenly chill?,"my stepmom who i’ve known since forever at one point when i was 7 became very mean and accused me of hating her and just misinterpreted every single thing. when i was 10 my dad and her had a kid and for the longest she accused me of being jealous of her, bc she assumed i would be since i am the youngest of my dad and mom. that was 100% not the case btw. and she would always accuse me of not liking her and her kids because of my dad?? now mind you i was young and i cry very easily so when she’d ask me this stuff i’d get nervous and hold back tears because i was a whole child. so yeah sometimes i just went with what she said, or said i don’t know. for the longest she accused me of “alligator tears” aka fake crying(i still to this day do not know how to fake cry). and yeah just a whole bunch of stuff that i realize now was insanely messed up and i’m dealing with mental issues related to all of that. so then around i want to say 2-3 years ago she just stopped being as bad. she doesn’t really do much to me now and she’s pretty okay most of the time except that she does get angry very easily and stressed out and yell(which in turn makes me anxious) but that’s typically triggered by her own kids, still this usually turns her attention to every little thing which gets me in trouble for the dumbest things(like putting a pan in the wrong place in the new house bc i didn’t know where it goes and apparently i should’ve left it on the counter just??). so i guess she’s not the best but certainly better and sometimes i truly appreciate and enjoy being around her. and sorry this went on for a while but i just want to know if anyone else has experienced this??",Abusive stepmum for a few years,Stepmum stopped being abusive,,,,Step child, My stepfather abuses me and my family for 4 years straight,"so my mom kicked my dad out when i was six she got a new boyfriend about a year later and he was okay....... so here is a list of things he did lol: Was abusing her, tried to spoil us (4 kids), after my mom had enough he tried to: kill our horse (monty the horse he is nice and okay.. luckily my mom saved him :\]), stalked my mom, throwed rocks at our windows and tried to take us -\_\_\_- so after that shit ended she got a new boyfriend....and this one ACTUALLY THINKS HE IS A GOD (thats what i think he thinks) list of things he did over the 4 years we had to live with him (not much of a list) At the first half year he acted like a very good person and he was like a normal chill dude, we all liked him :D so when he moved in the shit started happening My grandma (a future predictor) told us she had a bad vibe about himmmmm lmfaoooo.... when we were eating he would often just hit me in the face for talking while eating (even tho he was talking to my mom the whole time he ate) once i was just sitting normally at the table eating and my arms were like on the table....like you would normally eat but they were one centimeter more spaced out than usual because i got the biggest plate we owned. he then with his arms spaced out so much that i could see his man boobs hit me in the face with his elbow (i am listing things yes...) he just tells me to fuck off sometimes just because i was talking to my sister once he made my 15 year old brother cry because he had enough of this shit (i am not writing this in chronological order just because i dont remember what all happened) One of the most painful things he did to me was that he slammed my face into a cabinet and my tooth gum Ripped...and when i look into it rn i think my mom didnt care because she didnt tell him anything because she didnt care about me...soooo yea if you want proof i can take a photo of it loll :D i still dont have that piece of gum there even tho its healing very slowly so for a week i had a piece of gum there on my tooth just flopping around until it fell of because it died...(the flesh died yes) When he is watching TV and i tell my brother something he just starts yelling at me (this sounds so fake.....i expect the BS comments ) He Smashed the tablet i got from my dad .... details: I was about 8 and i didnt know how to delete the password i had there so he just broke the tablet....he threw it on the floor and started jumping on it and then he broke it in half after that he just threw the rest of it in the trash....i remember taking some of the circuit boards out of the trash because i was so sad loolll. My grandma threatens to throw him out of the house (her house...) but she never did so if you want part 2 just tell me :D i really would love to tell yall what happened to him (i think you would know by reading this already lol) ok :D",Abusive stepdad and unsupportive/nonchalant mom,,,,,Stepchild, I hate my stepdad.,"He is trying to get involved with my mother’s discipline techniques but is just getting in the way. He is just so strict that I feel as if I am walking on egg shells around him I ask what times for dinner, phones off. I ask him and my mother to turn the tv done a bit whilst I am sleeping, phones off. It could be any little thing and he would take my phone off. Now I know that having your phone taken off isn’t that bad its just that the phone gets taken off along with a 30 minute to an hour lecture comes with it. It’s not even a good lecture he just repeats the exact same thing every 5 minutes. It has gotten to the point that whenever I am near that man he is telling me off for literally nothing. Even my mother agrees that sometimes it’s to much but he always used the same excuse every time, ‘I’m protecting your mother.’ He’s only been with my mother for 3 months and they are engaged. I can’t live like this.",Abusive stepdad,,,,,Step child, Tonight was the final straw,"TW for slight sexual assault btw. Been having problems with my stepdad for years. Emotionally and sometimes physically abusive but it wasn't anything I couldn't get over. I figured I could save my money and put up with it for another year then move out. I usually take showers in the morning but he was getting mad that I kept taking all the hot water. Tonight was the first night I took a shower at night. When my brother was asleep and my mom was at work. To make it short I caught him unlocking the bathroom door with a master key. I suspect he's been taking pictures of me because earlier on I thought I saw a shadow move above my head in the shower. I don't know how to feel. I much prefer the normal abuse over this. I feel disgusting. I feel violated. I feel ashamed. EDIT: In regards to the comments, I'm considered legally an adult. I don't think there's much I can do if I'm not a minor. My mother refuses to confront him about it. Thank you though.",Abusive stepdad,Unsupportive mom,,,,Stepchild, I hate my step mother.,"14 years ago my father met my stepmother right after my mom and father got divorced. At the beginning she seemed fine but even though my sister and i were only 8 something didn’t sit right. My father was abusive and my stepmom joined in on it. I have seizures and autism and didn’t have amazing grades in school due to damage to my brain from my seizures. She made principals and teachers cry screaming at them to put me into special needs classes cause I’m “slow” (I was a b/c student). She hated my twin and i so much when my father built their current house they Build 2 more smaller ones so she didn’t “have to deal with two 18 year olds”. She now owns 2 stores and rents out both homes to people. I can’t stand how fake she is as the only people who see through her act is my moms side of the family and my stepdad’s and my siblings. Even though she’s the same age as my brother (35) and my father is (60). Little do they know that I’m engaged as they are blocked on all social media. One of my cousins noticed it after I posted about it on Snapchat. She is absolutely furious about it texting the whole family about it how she’s always treated us well, the abuse of my siblings and i is a lie she claimed. She’s so petty and hated me so much she found out my fiancés career (pilot and photography) and keeps trying to hire him on his website but he says no because he knows her name. To be honest I’m hated her for the past 13 years. She’s always going to be jealous or Hate each other but I don’t care.",Abusive step mom,Abusive biological dad,Step child hates step mom,,,Step child, Where does ppd end and asshole psycho behavior begin?,"My (24f) dad’s wife (39f) has a baby under 2. We met about 5 years ago and had a great rapport, probably even a good friendship. In the beginning, the year we met, she had an injury and stayed with me for about 6 months. Just us two. It made me resent her because it felt too soon and I’m very specific about my privacy and alone time but I did my best to make her feel welcome and not let it show. It is not comparable but her PPD/PPA has gone nuclear. I did everything in my hands to make her feel good and prepared during pregnancy and ran behind her, quite literally fawning, doing anything I can do to make her happy and comfortable during an obviously trying time. What I didn’t know was that apparently she thought having a child was easier than it looks. She half joked about it when my half brother was a few months old and a sort of sinking feeling hit me but I couldn’t explain why. FFW to now. She’s tired and her attitude towards me has frozen completely. Unless my dad or sister are there, I can’t really remember the last time she was genuinely nice to me. I am not demanding this from her but I’m painting the full picture. If my dad fucks up, she includes me and my sibling in the blame. If anything upsets her, its free game to badmouth everyone and talk about how we all ruined her life (no one told her to do this. She wanted this). She’ll then backtrack and absolve my father of blame, and pin the blame on me. I do all that I can to keep the house tidy and do the needed chores and help with looking after him. Or used to. I’d come home and I would just be doing house work and I didn’t complain. I dont want a medal or acknowledgement. But over time, she’s had more of these episodes of anger outbursts and each one reminds me of my mothers abusive behavior. Calling us all kinds of horrible insults. Saying we ruined her life. She’s very obsessive when it comes to cleaning, her apartment genuinely looked like an ikea ad. She knew what my dad’s place looked like before they married. I myself struggle with organization bc of my mental health and ADHD but I do my best to not inconvenience anyone. I keep the shared spaces tidy. These episodes have become extremely frequent, and very pointed. I understand she’s going through a hard time and I would push through my feelings of anxiety and still fawn. She was gone for about a month and I thought hey lets clean the whole house in one go so she doesnt worry about it. (Btw having the house just to me and my dad was so nice. The mood instantly soured when she came back). She said the house was disgusting, saying it was a mess and yet shockingly didn’t clean all that much. The most dramatic thing she did was take all my cosmetics on the counter of the bathroom, the shared bathroom (her and my dad have an ensuite of their own), dumped them in a plastic bag and threw them in front of my door. She decided that wouldn’t cut it and threw them on the floor of my room. She also threw out my electric toothbrush that was sitting on the counter. We don’t have a cupboard above the sink and I’m not going to put my things in a dusty cupboard under the sink. However, a big ol basket holding all the cleaning supplies are fair game to sit on the counter. Not my stuff tho. She makes me extremely anxious and reminds me of the abuse my mom put me through - without hitting me. I know I’m at fault here but I’ve just stopped all interaction with her. I dont talk to her and if I try and help its not up to her standards so Ive stopped trying. I do the chores I need to do and I’m trying to let go of the idea that I deserve to be a maid/punching bag. Today I came home quietly, my dad was at work, and she saw me and got surprised. I’m a very jumpy person and I didn’t mean to do that to her, but I’ve never gotten angry over it. She started yelling at me and saying I never say hi or talk to her (gee I wonder why) and then stormed upstairs to her room. I quietly tidied the kitchen and haven’t seen her since. I don’t know what happened but she’s been dropping subtle hints for me to stop coming home. She kept telling me I need to be independent but never actually explained what that means. Every time I came home from uni, I was met with aggressive passive aggression and the silent treatment. Why the fuck would I say hi to you then? She will slam doors and cupboards and slam objects down on tables and counters. She baby talks to her son about how sad it is that no one cares about him. Obviously they have communication issues but theres more to it than that. She acts extremely cruelly and my dad pretends to not hear it. It ricochets off of him and it makes her seethe. I am his total opposite (yay bpd) and it makes me shake and tremble in my room. Ive cried so much because of her. My uncle says she uses me as a scapegoat to roll out all her aggressions out on because I react. I fawn. My sibling and father don’t. I’m fucking tired of being this psycho cunt’s punching bag. I oscillate between feeling guilty and feeling like I owe her, like I deserve to have my belongings thrown away and thrown around and flip to sadness and rage. I dont feel safe at home and I sure as fuck am not staying. All I wanted was to spend my break doing work and spending quality time with my dad, not feeling my heartbeat in my throat.",Abusive step mom,Passive Father,Unsatisfied step mom,Unsafe home,,Step child, I finally won,"As of January 8, my dad finally got divorced from my stepmother. She was emotionally manipulative and emotionally abusive. She was 42 with the emotional maturity of a 20 year old. If something didn’t go her way she threw a fit and insulted me and my sister. Later on she’s come back with fake tears apologizing as if we couldn’t see straight through her. She started going to bars and concerts and staying out all night. My dad finally saw her true colors when he found out she cheated on him. I wasn’t surprised in the least. While I’m obviously sad that my dad had to go through this. I’m glad I’ll never have to see her again, and glad that my dad won’t waste any more of his life with that petulant, immature woman.",Abusive step mom,Infidelity,Dad divorced step mom,,,Step child, My stranger mom,My stepmom doesn’t feel like a real mom so it’s kind of weird whenever she is really mean to me which is almost always it feels like a stranger is just coming up to me and yelling at me which is really rude of her in movies with stepparents the kids are the ones that are really mean to the stepparents and the stepparents are always really nice but I guess in real life it’s the opposite and the stepparents are more meaner to the kids and since my stepparent has kids already she treats them a little bit better like my sister‘s sixth birthday she had a whole entire quinceanera and I just had cake and some presents which is actually way better than a quinceanera because I like it not super HUGE. But it’s still super unfair and she also yells her face and whenever we’re playing a game she just says stop doing that even if we’re literally just playing lemonade she’s still very nice sometimes and she’s not the worst but one time she was so drunk that she text did my stepdad and my real mom with death threats and saying stuff about us and whenever they told me that she texted that to them I really did not like her at all.,Abusive step mom,Step mom treats her own kids better than step child,,,,Step child, My evil Manipulative Stepdad Eric,"Hello Reddit, this story refrences suicidal thoughts and depression and has innapropriate language. If you are not confortable reading these things, I ask that you do not read this. Over the past couple years I have been dealing with my piece of shit stepfather Eric. To being with, I just turned fourteen years old. Now at first, this may sound like the run of the mill basic teenager who hates his parents because how dare they discipline them. However, this is not the case. It all started in 2017 when my dad broke up with my mom. Without getting into much detail, he treated her like crap and then dumped her accusing her of cheating. Somewhere between 2017-2018 my mom met my step-dad and they began dating. At first he was extremely nice. However, he seems to follow the boiled frog syndrome very closely. If you havn't heard of the boiling frog syndrome, it can be explained very simply. If you place a frog in boiling hot water, it will jumping out because it knows if it doesn't it will die. However, if you put a frog in regular water and very slowly increase the temperature, the frog will be boiled alive due to not realizing that a situation has become problematic, due to it being a slow gradual process. Over time he treated more like shit. Due to my mom and dad having legal documents stating that they are the only ones allowed to lay a hand on us, he can not beat us. So, his idea of ""spanking us"" is to call us every name under the sun. We have been called bitches assholes cunts shithead fucker fucking piece of shit asshole motherfucking bitch cocksucker (because I am gay) etc. Not only that, but he makes a problem out of EVERYTHING. He not only does all of this, but then of course manipulates everyone to think this is ok. Originally, my mom (who is like the nicest person you will ever meet) defended us on many issues. One ""Big problem"" in Eric's eyes was my brother. Our school was doing a school fundraiser in which they sold candy canes for money. Well, my mom bought candy canes to five to the school to sell. My brother than used his money to buy some of those candy canes. Eric got pissed saying that hes a selfish prick because those are for the school and he can't buy his own. My mom of course defended us on this because that argument made no sense. So, because our mom kept defending us, he decided to take a slower approach. At one point a couple years ago I was depressed and called national suicide prevention line. I was goung to kill myself before trying to get Eric removed because I did not want my mom to become sad ovee losing him. I was then put in therapy due to severe bullying at school, and issues between my dad and step dad. The first therapist was crazy and his idea of therapy was to try and hypnotize me. So my mom removed me from that therapy due to it not helping and the guy being crazy. My next therapist taught me how to make these origami paper claws. I had the option to have Erix removed from the house but did not because I didn't want my mom to be sad. These were super cool to me and really helped. Well, Eric decided that I needed to throw them away and not tell my mom. Over time he began getting pissed at the smallest of things and mentally destroying us and manipulating us and due to his gradual increase in bullshit, my mom did not notice. She is the frog in the boiled frog syndrome. The next big incident revolved around my shoe. It was time for school. He asked if we were ready and I said I needed five seconds to tie my shoe. To this he slammed the upstairs door and started screaming upstairs. He comes downstairs screaming at me why I was not ready. I explained to him that i needed 5 seconds. The worst part was that we didn't leave until ten minutes later. We were not in a rush at all, he just decided he wanted to start a problem. So later at school I went off through text message because I was tired of dealing with the crap all day every day. Well, my dad picked me up that day so I had a couple days away from them. Well when I get picked up by my mom it was this long talk about how Im such a horrible kid. The next incident was about a year ago, maybe less. My mom and my brother began excersising, which I hated doing but wanted to build some muscle due to me bring skinny as a twig. Well my stepdad continued to talk shit and say I was doing everything wrong. I then asked him not to tell me how horrible Im doing because it demotivates me. He then starts fucking screaming saying he needs to take a break from me because Im such a shithead. My mom is in full tears because he was mad that she defended me. I then started mocking him by rubbing my eye against my face pretending to cry. He then ran over screaming picked me up and threw me full force into the couch. Keep in mind this is against the court orders. Then he says that thats unacceptable blah blah. I explained that my gut instinct to someone hurting my mom was to either hurt them or piss them off because if you hurt my mom you are fucking dead to me. Well this then led to what I call Eric's interrogations. Eric's interrogations is when Eric decides he wants to sit there and sit there and ask us questions for hours on end, if we don't answer the way he likes he says we are lying until we agree with him, or he twists our words. Or, if we answer normally he would also use that against us. He then tells our mom these horrible things we said. So he sits me down and starts the conversation by asking how I expect my entire life to go because of the fact that ""I am a knowitall."" At this point Im a couple months from graduating middle school. So he asks how I expect highschool to go. This was simply the wrong time to ask. A week earlier I was about to ask a guy out, to which his brother said if I went anywhere near the guy that he would beat my ass. This put me in a state where I blamed myself for something that was not my fault, which Im notorious for doing to myself. I was still very upset about this so all I saw in the future was me getting rejected for my personality. So I break into tears because all I begin thinking about is how horrible I am. To which he believes that Im just trying to get out of the interrogation. Eventually he decides that he is going to force whatever is wrong with me out. He knows that the only thing that always results in me breaking is my mom because we are really close. So he decides thag hes going to have her stay up all night and refuse to let me sleep until I break. He even said that she will be tired out work and could get in teouble for being tired all because I wouldnt speak. So about 2 hours later of silence he finally gives up. After that it was an incident shortly after halloween. I LOVE the big tootsie roll candies. I got three, and he ate one. I was upset but was like ""Yaknow, it is fine because he and my mom took me trick-or-treating, and it is only right he has some candy. So I simply asked him to pick other candies nicely. He agreed and it looked like there would be no problem. Well. I soon after destroyed my brother's kindle with water. I was supposed to save my money and spent 5 dollars that I should not have. At this point I was in the wrong. Thr monry in my credit card was then all spent on the kindle so I had no money. However, he decided that he would bully me. He called me downstairs to tell me what a piece of shit I am and then reached into my candy basket pulled out a big tootsie roll and ate it in front of me. He then looked at me and said ""Oh don't worry, you can buy lots of tootsie rolls at the dollar store. Oh wait, you have no money,"" as he laughed hysterically. So if it was not obvious he is a manipulative person who says hotrible things about people that are not true. As mentioned earlier my mom is the nicest person ever. She buys us anything we want even when money is tight. She puts everyone else before herself. Well one time Eric was asleep and she ordered him food. I do not remember the story entirely but from what I do remember Eric didn't eat it for some reason or another. So next time he was asleep and she ordered food, she did not get him any, expecting him to stay asleep anyway. Well he woke up, came downstairs and told my mom that she only cared about herself because she did not get him food. Not only all of this, but he is extremely racist. He is white and constantly racially slurs Mexicans and African Americans. While watching the movie the Princess and the Frog he said that it is impossible for all of the black people in the household to be good people. He is one of those. So me and my mom constantly say he is racist and he constantly gets pissed because he legitamately believes it is not racist to racially slur people. On top of all of this, he constantly threatens to throw me and my brothers out of the second story window. He also has threatened to shoot and kill my dad and my dog several times. He then tries to explain to us that if he ever curses atbus that it means we went to far and that's his way of spanking us. Well, this is obviously not true because one morning, he asked us a simple question. We answered honestly but he did not like that answer so he screamed at us for being shitheads. So, I have been able to deal with this for several years. However Eric decided that he was going to make his biggest move yet, he decised he wanted control of the smallest aspects of my life. It is the last month of winter. I had my jacket in my backpack because I was not cold in the mornings. Eric came downstairs and asked me where my jacket was. I told him it was in my backpack and he demanded I put it on. He kept doing this to the point where it was causing me uncomfort in the mornings because I was getting hot and sweaty. I began arguing with him that it made no sense. This led to horrible things being said to me. This went on for about a month. I wrote a 4 page letter to my mom finally addressing this saying that he needs to change his parenting or be removed from the household. If this did not occur, I would call CPS. She got mad at me saying that it's not him it is me being a bad kid. My step dad then manipulated her into thinking I want to have me and my brothers seperated. They then manipulated my younger brothers with this information. However, I got video of Eric being racist and him manipulating my mom. However, whenever my mom went through my phone she deleted those videos. Then one day I decided I wouldn't wear the jacket. He then said my brothers will not get to school on time because they won't leave until I put my jacket on. So I begrudgingly did. I took it off once arriving at school, and he screams that I am going to be in trouble when I get home. So he texts my mom about how horrible I am. This is not good for her because she is a police dispatcher and being stressed because he keeps texting her is really bad. So she comes home screaming at me about how if I just listened it would not be a problem. This is not the case though because he texts her about us about the smallest of things. I finally get to contact CPS and they could only tell her what could happen if she let Erix stay in the house, and they couldn't do anything without going to court. My mom and stepdad get pissed they talk shit on me all day every day etc. I obviously vent to friends but this increasing stress between schoolwork and this family drama is making the venting less successful. Currently nothing can be done fast enough. Whenever my step dad is mad he goes into this phase where he acts super nice and gives us gifts and crap to manipulate us into thinking he actually cares for us. It is a legitimate tactic used by manipulative people. Well, because I called CPS, The Magic Mountain trip my mom was planning to takr me on for years that was finally planned was cancelled. She took my brother and told him she would not take me. Well, my dad then decided he'd take me so she decided she would take me on my birthday. So that was my big present from her. This is important later in the story. Well my other big birthday present a several weeks ago was a bike. Of course this gift was from Eric. We are nearing the end of the story here. A week or two ago, my family all caught CoVid-19. My stepdad is very vulnerable to it so he was sleeping downstairs. Well my bike and my hrothers bike are next to the door. Due to Eric being downstairs, I could not turn the lights on and therefore it was very dark. I was worried my fat dog and I wouls fall or something so I moved it so I had more space. Well I went back upstairs and apparently it fell. So I went downstairs to fix it and he made this big deal about hoe me doing whatever I wanted and moving it resulted in this problem. So he begings one of his interrogations. By this point Im done with the crap so it went like this. He tries to twist what I say, so I stop answering his questions. He then asks why I have the RIGHT to not answer his questions (Bitch read the 5th ammendment). I explain that he twists our words and then he tries to say I lied to my dad and said my mom always planned to bring me. Again, no she did not. So this infuriates me and I loudly repeat over and over again that I am done with the conversation to which he screams at the top of his lungs. Now today he has been saying that I'm not allowed to raise my voice at my brothers ever because according to me nobody is ever allowed to raise their voice. I never said that but sure bud. So I jsut barely avoided going off on him today and it was only because it was my Mom's birthday. I have posted this because I would really appreciate advice, support, and I needed to vent in more detail and get many more peoples opinions. I am so sorry for writing this long of a story, and if I get even a couple helpful responses it would make my day. I will definately post an update if people see this. Their wedding is in 12 days, and I do not know what to do. Sorry if there are any spelling errors, but it is 11:53 and I am going to try and sleep instead of spellchecking this long ass story.",Abusive step dad,Traumatic family situation with suicidal thoughts,,,,Step child, "Venting, advice searching maybe","Hello, I'm on mobile so sorry for any formatting issues. Sorry for length. But feel free to ask for more spesific info as well. I am 22, gay transgender male, and the outcast of one side of my family, and the oldest of 4 siblings. Siblings are M17, F7, and M4. Me and M17 are full siblings from out bio dad, F7 is from a guy bio mom dated, and M4 is my stepfather's first child. Stepfather is absolutely an a**hole. All around, he's just such a bad person. I have video of him hitting the younger two siblings and knocking them to the ground. Cps has been around twice before and nothing has been done, and all it did was make the situation worse due to bio mom's paranoia over it. Bio mom refuses to stand up to her husband and let's him do and get away with things that she ovbiously doesn't agree with and thinks is wrong. He hits the kids and my mom just lets him. As I said, I am LGBT, and also, have pretty bad mental health issues, both things that my stepfather's hates. My entire existence and everything I did always came with a snarky comment from him. I could bring it up to my mom right then or after, but she just goes silent. She knows it's wrong and feels guilty, she won't stand up for me though. I don't live with them and my siblings anymore, when I told my mom I was going to live on a college campus, stepfather decided it was the best opportunity he had to kick me out. There was no discussion. I mentioned it to her, and he butts in, telling me I better figure out where to put my stuff, cause it wasn't staying there. He's always been an abusive person towards me spesifically, I was the scapegoat, so I'm glad I'm out, just sucks I had to make arrangements with my other half of the family, (Bio Dad and his wife) who do actually support me, to have somewhere to put my stuff while I live at college. Moving to college didn't automatically mean I was moving out for good, but that's what he made it so that's what I had to. Anyway, to get to the most recent thing that's riled me and my bio dad up quite a bit, my brother, the M17, just got a job! I'm happy for him of course. The thing is... He doesn't have a car, and when I was job searching and doing college I always got a lecture when asking for rides from family members, and even once got kicked out of the car mid ride. Any time I asked even my grandfather that lived with us who didn't mind giving me rides, my stepfather would make and entirely unnecessary negative comment about it, even for doctors appointments I couldn't get to without a car. And this job my brother got is nowhere near where they live, so I was worried about how he was going to get there, as I assumed they'd make him take expensive Ubers or just fend for himself, since no public transit goes near that job. Well, turns out my bio dad, who I love and supports me so much, also brought this up to my bio mom. He noticed as well. It turns out, stepdad and grandfather are going to handle taking M17 to and from a job five days a week no problem. My bio dad of course sees how f***ed up that is, but drops it for the sake of not arguing and just being happy for my brother. So you see the discrepancy there? I got yelled at for asking about any kind of ride, even for medical reasons, but younger brother gets help no problem. There's one other thing I'm worried about. That younger brother M17 came out to me and only me as LGBT, so we both are. He's not transgender like me, but he's not straight. And of course, bio mom and especially step father have no idea. I'm just so scared they're gonna find out somehow, I don't really know how, and treat him differently. I'm just so happy he's being treated like a part of the family when I was denied that. I also feel bad that he won't be able to be truly himself untill after he moves out. Hopefully he can do it sooner than I did. I just want to be happy for him that he is growing up but I'm just... Jealous. Does anyone have any advice or words of encouragement? Or just feel free to share your own stories down here that are similar, hearing about other people is helpful. A perspective from another stepparent might also be helpful.",Abusive step dad,,,,,Step child, Advice?,"a spiteful step daughter. on mobile —— idek how long my mom and stepdad have been together, a while. close to a decade. hes a drunk, misogynist (probably racist & homophobic, hes old school, like girls do housework men dont) he sold my moms car without her permission, and spies on her. i think and hope a divorce is quite near in her future. hes abused us our whole lives. used to throw my little brother around and not for fun, he was a really small boy. he would degrade us and call us pigs if our rooms werent clean, would say shit to degrade us, call us lazy if we DARED step foot in the house if he deemed it a nice day. he treated my brother semi better than me, hed always ask him to go fish and do stuff, and never ask me. he tries to act like step dad of the fucking year, like i was suicidal and no help came because he even brainwashed my mom from helping us, only now is she even medicating herself because of him. he obviously treats his daughter a lot better than us. i understand that to a degree, but i look at my cousins step dad and he fathers her and his bio daughter equally (theres like an 11/12 year gap between us and our sisters) he was pretty bachelor that lived at dads before he got with mom, had his ex gf still on his life insurance after SIX years and a baby together. my dad was a toxic drunk too, but he got better because my step mom helped, i adore her with all my heart. and mom didnt seem to learn but made it worse by marrying him (step dad). is this just a normal, man “i aint raising no one elses kids” like ik this isnt normal but i just. idk i really want to like the dude, not even cause hes a good person, but because i love my little sister. but just all the trauma and so much other drama, i just cannot get rid of this burning hatred for his shiny bald ass head and i just want to get very violent or yell very loudly at him. i can forgive my mom in slight for certain traumas, but his will last me a lifetime. idk, i just needed a another perspective, maybe im looking at this in a wrong light than he sees it",Abusive step dad,Passive mother,Treates biological children better than step kids,,,Step child, My mom treats me differently and now it's affecting my relationship with my (half)siblings,"I don't know where to go for advice. My mom and (step)dad got married when I (22) was \~9 years old. He's been in my life since I was 7, and he's my main father figure. He has always treated me like his own daughter and I'm so incredibly grateful for him. My mom, though, has always made side remarks growing up, such as, ""go with your dad."" ""You need to spend time with your dad"" and etc, even though my bio father wanted nothing to do with me. It created a lot of cognitive dissonance because I viewed my stepdad as my dad, but knew I had a ""real"" dad and felt obligated to go with my ""real"" dad. Fast forward to now, I have two amazing little siblings, 13F and 9M, and I try my best to be there for them despite our age gap. My mom has made a lot of comments more recently, saying things like, ""You're more of an only child, not the eldest."" ""It's different because you're not full-blooded"" etc. She hasn't said this in front of my stepdad, but she says this in front of my siblings and my fear has caught on. Yesterday my sister basically said, ""look at your half-brother."" and I replied, ""don't say half."" and she said, ""what? It's true."" Then she tried carrying on the conversation, so I said, ""Why are you still talking? Since, you're my half-sister, I only have to HALF talk to you."" and my mom laughed. I just walked away, but I can't shake off this pain. I know we are half-blood siblings, but I didn't think it mattered.. It just hurts.",Abusive mom,,,,,Step child, My mum is forcing me to form a friendship with my stepdad,"Before I get into this I just want to say, number 1 I'm diagnosed autistic, so a lot of my growing up was very confusing for me, number 2, my stepdad isn't a bad guy, he isn't abusive in the slightest and he seems to be pretty chill, but me and him have a weird history, and I feel uncomfortable around him. My mum got divorced around 2016, when it all went down she left me alone in the house with my abusive father, my brother was at uni at that point and I barely saw him, I had nobody to help me apart from rando's on the internet who mostly lived in America, and I'd stay up at seriously unfair times most nights just to play online games with them, looking back now I see it as a huge mistake as a number of these ""friends"" turned out to be seriously concerning individuals. I didn't have any friends at school and not many people liked me for being weird, so they were the only people I had to lean on. Anyway my mum didn't even try to take me with her, she gave me a choice between living with her and her new husband, or living with my dad who wanted to control my life. I saw her being the best option but the choice was seriously difficult to make as an autistic 15 year old. Once I decided on going to my ""stepdads"" house, I didn't really have much help carrying all my belongings miles to the house, she also made it very clear that this isn't my home, and kept guilt tripping me on the fact that I'd just ""dropped into"" this guy's life. She constantly tells me that he's not a very social person and I should tread carefully because most of my humour and the weird ways I act would most likely scare him away. She's been doing this for a long time, making choices for the guy, he usually doesn't have much to say when I ask him about how he feels on certain topics, he usually just says ""Fine"" and leaves it at that, not much else. She, on the other hand, has to kick up a massive fuss and tells me that I'm ""hurting him"" or that I'm ""bothering him"" or being a ""pest"". She's also made sure I don't be myself otherwise he might be disappointed in me, she also tells me not to swear around him, but he goes and says the most heinous curses himself, then I'm wondering why I even bothered listening to her when she's making such a big deal about something he's allowed to do. She also forces me to engage in his activities, forces me to make conversation with him, and I'm genuinely serious when I tell you I have tried for years and years, but all I get back is nothing, anytime I do get something back in return it's always her forcing him back. He doesn't make a single effort to care about my interests or ask me on my opinion of anything, I don't even think he knows me properly, but then again neither does she. She doesn't ask me about my interests, work, or hobbies, in the past I've had to fish-hook questions out of her just to feel like she's interested, even if I try to tell her about anything about myself she treats me like a headache, it's really upsetting to hear. I recently got into a really positive relationship with a girl I love to pieces, around 6 months ago, I really feel like I've met the one. I've never actually had ANY friends over since I moved in with those 2, and then all of a sudden when I ask if she can stay over, it's suddenly an issue. When I brought this up to her, I told her ""I dislike feeling like a guest in my own house"", she tells me ""Well you kind of are"", I felt really hurt by this, I haven't really felt like I've had a home since 12, nowhere feels comfortable for me to be myself and drop the suffocating ""normal"" mask to please her new husband, even though again he doesn't care how I act. Anyway, I mention my girlfriend because when she gets picked up by my mum, my mum goes on long depressing political rants, true crime related topics, and rants related to transphobia, all of which I get really tired of hearing, if I'm supposed to limit myself around her husband, why can't she limit herself around my girlfriend, who by the way has mentioned she's uncomfortable with the things she's said. My girlfriend doesn't feel welcome. The reason I don't tell her any of this is because 99% of the time it leads to an argument that almost never gets resolved, and I'm always the one who has to admit that I'm in the wrong, even though I feel like I have a pretty valid standpoint and a reason to be upset. She belittles me like I'm a child, she only argues with me whenever he isn't in the same room or even in the house, it's almost like she's trying to paint the perfect child-parent relationship for him, even though nothing is perfect and I'm suffocating on the fakery. He never gets involved in any of this, in fact he barely has any opinions regarding anything involving me and my mother, he just sits there and does nothing. I'm an artist, and I've made a number of clothing items as a way of expressing myself, I don't know how to sew but I made some patches for my jeans, I asked her to please help me and she said she wouldn't do it, she deemed a few of the patches ""too offensive"" because they were anarchy related. Her excuse for this is because ""it could upset him and make him think you don't like authority"". She's done this recently too, she waited a week to pick me up from university and then when they both come down to help me move out she spends the entire time guilt-tripping me for asking for help, and constantly telling me he's worried because last time he picked me up he got a fine for parking in a bus lane, even though I didn't tell him where to park. She actively goes out of her way to make me feel like a burden and at fault for numerous things in her relationship and her previous relationship. For example I remember at a young age telling her I was sorry if staying in contact with my dad out of confusion made things awkward for her, and all she had to say was ""Yeah it kinda did"". Since then I've ultimately been thinking that the divorce was my fault. I usually just stay out of the way when I come home, usually in my room, on my computer, doing work or talking to friends so no change there. I used to play console games for an hour or two to relieve stress back when dad was around, I haven't even used my stepdad's TV because she's made me feel guilty about it when I've tried once years before. I barely use any of the other rooms in this house, apart from maybe the bathroom, but I even try to shower when they're out of the way, a really unhealthy way of keeping myself from upsetting anyone, I'm aware, but I can't drag myself to use anything they have otherwise I get guilt-tripped again and again. I'm starting to slip back into my depressing ways and self defeating thoughts again, my mind constantly telling me I've basically lost my entire family, none of them talk to me or even show any interest in what I'm doing or how I'm doing, no matter how much effort I make to connect with them. I'm generally starting to feel numb about anything now, it's a sad comparison towards my childhood self being so empathetic and happy, I'm usually just drained and hard to be around. I don't mean to be and I try so hard to be positive, but after your father leaves you, and your mother lies to you then chooses to favour a guy in his 60s who treats and looks at you like a ""delinquent"" in your own home, there just comes a serious breaking point where you just lash out in private and become really angry at everything. Not to mention this guy is like a well-known teacher, he even scolded me falsely back in elementary for supposedly talking during an assembly, plus never really liked me very much during that time. He was well-liked by a number of my peers though, so when they got together a lot of rumours and bullying followed. I don't really know what I'm looking for here. It's father's day and she's expecting me to give him a card, but after everything that's happened, the thought of doing it is making me feel sick, I've never really had a father figure, neither my dad or this guy hit close, they're both strangers to me at this point. I can't help but feel lost. Without family who are we?",Abusive mom,Step child feels unwanted at home,,,,Step child, Physical and mental abuse by step parent,"This post will be long but somewhat brief as well. I'm currently 29M living a great life with my wife, our brand new house and our first born on the way (a boy). To better understand my situation I will try to make it detailed and brief. I have recently started going back to therapy to get help and closure of my childhood. I did this to not only make me a happier person but to be a great father to my son. I don't want to make the same mistakes my father did. At the age of 3 my parents had divorced and my father remarried who is currently still my step mom. My entire life I've always lived with my father and step mom and would visit my mother on weekends. At 15 I moved out of my fathers house and into my mothers house due to physical and mental abuse from my father but mostly step mother. In addition my father was addicted to opioids and almost overdosed multiple times right in front of me. I think I was in denial my entire life thinking it was normal the way I was being treated and looking back I was always picked on by step mom however my father was never really there to help me or step in as a parent. He would ignore any situation when I was being abused (he was a statue with no emotion). My step mom would humiliate me, belittle me by talking down to me, physically abuse/punish me with what appeared to be a cricket paddle and isolated me from my father and mother. Ever since I moved out my relationship with them has never been the same and if anything has got so much worse and awkward. My father refused to attend my wedding because of my step mom... this one really hurt because it was the day my wife and I are expecting and he was going to be a grandfather. We both work for the same company and I see him almost daily and he acts as if nothing happened same with my step mom. I haven't received an apology or a reason why and at this point I feel like that was the last straw. I want to confront them about everything but apart me of also doesn't want to. After a few therapy sessions my therapist came to the conclusion that my step mom was jealous. She wanted my dad to herself. She did anything she could to keep me away from my dad and mom so she could keep him in control. Because of my childhood I suffer from depression and anxiety. In addition my therapist gave me some helpful mental exercise techniques to try and overcome my depression and anxiety but I also wanted to reach out to anyone that can relate and maybe give me some techniques of their own that helped them during dark times. I wish I could post more in detail but I don't want to over due it with an entire novel here so if anyone has any questions I will be more than happy to answer them. I just wanted to reach out for any assistance to overcome these feelings.","Abusive bio dad and stepmom, feeling unsafe with them",Unsupportive/nonchalant dad,Mental health issues - Depression and anxiety ,,,Stepchild, my stepdad is terrible,"My (23F) stepdad (45M) is a manipulative, abusive, alcoholic man. He is seriously just everything wrong about a man from the way he treats me and my brothers (one is his son) and my mother. I want to show him how petty and childish I truly can be. Craigslist ads cost money, I can’t figure out 4chan. What more can I do to have people just annoy the hell out of him.",Abusive & manipulative step dad,Step child is seeking ways to annoy step dad,,,,Step child, Feeling Helpless,"I'm F15 and part of a blended family. My parents got divorced before I turned 2, my dad was remarried a little over a year later (yes, messy, but they all get along well, like really well, and not it's not just a front for my sake) and with a new parent I also got two new siblings one 4 months older another 2 1/2 years older (now F16 M18 who I will call SS and SB). I had some issues with my SM in the past, but due to lots of talking and work from the both of us, we now have a very good relationship. One of my problems are their Bio Dad and SM. Their BD is now on Wife numero tres (SM) and has another kid (F6), their BD has been flakey and not present throughout their lives, and my sister has called his out on his s\*\*t the last few years. Both their BD and SM make derogatory comments towards their BM (my SM) and my BD (their SD), which none of us appreciate. They do many things, one of which is call my sister names like, stupid (she had dyslexia and dyscalculia, but still gets good grades), fat (she is slightly underweight), a attention whore (she came out as gay a few years ago- she definitely is), a slob (her SM says that the only acceptable clothing choices (even for around the house) are dresses, dress pants, blouses, and nice jeans (all of which have to be approved by her)), and ugly (she cut off all of her hair and dyed it a beautiful blue colour- her SM has a problem with girls with short hair). I cannot do anything about this, and she doesn't want to leave her younger sister (they only go over every second weekend). On top of all this crap, her grandma has skin cancer, and they don't know if she is going to get any better, a week before her birthday her dog died, and a week after her birthday her Gecko died. When she found out that the Gecko had passed a few days ago, she spent over and hour sobbing on her floor about all of this absolute garbage, which led to be sobbing, and my Sm crying and it was a lot of badness. Though this has been severely shortened for ease of understanding and so a inordinate amount of my time would be spared- I think you get the gist. I don't know what to do. I don'y know how to help. I may not be able to do anything at all, but her BD and SM have been the cause of many of my therapy sessions, the recent deaths have pushed my sister farther into the depths of depression and I am worried, really really worried. I really want help. Thanks. ​ ​ (To note, I will be talking about this in therapy, my parents are aware of the situation (our shared parents and my mom (not her awful SM and BD) and are working on it)",Abuse from stepmom's ex and ex's new wife,Stepmom's ex having multipe partners,Happy blended family,,,, My step-mom drives me crazy,"Backstory: this is my dad's third wife. They dated in high school and got back together about 20 years ago. I was about 28 when they got married. I am now 48. My dad now has Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, abyss a host of many other illnesses and is in assisted living. He's 74. They live three hours north of me. This woman can be pushy. ""You should try this, you should try that."" She uses guilt like a weapon. Even my own mother doesn't do that. I love my dad but his wife always makes me anxious, wondering what I'm going to do next to offend her. She called yesterday. Twice. So I know it was a big deal. She left voicemails. But my phone never gave me notifications, for the calls or the VM. I got the VM last night around 12:30a. My dad is in there hospital and he's not responding and the doctors say the prognosis isn't good. I knew she was going to be pissed that I didn't answer AND I didn't call back right away but I didn't want to call back so late. Let me just say that I love my dad, but he's not the dad I remember. It kills me to see him like this. He has non-sensical conversations, thinks he's on the moon one second and at work the next second. And if he gets some fact wrong, my step-mom will correct him, which seems to make him feel like an idiot. It drives me nuts. I also don't like visiting alone because I just don't know what to say to him. It's just an overall crappy situation. I called her back this morning at 8:30. She answers the phone like, ""huh?"" I say hello she says, ""I'm at the hospital,"" in this pissed off voice. ""I'm trying to feed your father so I'll have to call you back."" I ask, ""what is going on?"" ""Well, I've been trying to call you since the day before yesterday."" ""No, I just got two VM from YESTERDAY that my phone never registered. I'm sorry I'm just calling back now."" ""Well, I also texted you via Facebook and What's App."" ""I checked those and I don't have anything from you."" ""Well, I have to go. I'll call you later."" ""Yes, call me later."" And she hangs up. Seriously?? I hate that this woman is the gatekeeper of my father. She never texted me. She only called me yesterday. She's trying to make it seem like she did more to make me look like a jerk. I just needed to rant.",A rant about a controlling step mom,,,,,Step child, My stepdad has my respect,"So start off I (16f) lost my dad when i was 8 my dad (67 at that time) died after my birthday so i never really enjoyed my birthday after that event, few months after my mom (35) had to go abroad so she can provide for me. My aunt (79) from my dad's side took care of me and still is up to this day, two years have past and my mom returned from Kuwait. My step dad is actually an old friend of my mom but i only met him when i was 10 at first i thought he was my mom's bf at that time but they both denied it, after a month or 2 my mom have to go back abroad after that i had no contact with my step dad at that time, but when my mom return from Singapore for my graduation i was 12 at that time that's when my stepdad and my mom admitted that they dated two years ago (oh i never get to graduate due to covid). Past forward 2021 my mom and stepdad asked me if i want to a sibling or not, to be honest i was surprise that they ask for my permission first, few months later my mom got pregnant, me and my stepdad we're guessing that the baby will be a girl or a boy (we both guessed a girl), few months after that (2023 march) my baby sister is born, mom and stepdad asked me what's her middle name will be again i was surprise that they ask me that but i named her middle name faith when we got back my step dad immediately cook food for mom and me so we could eat and he was the only staying up all night when the baby wakes up, he massage my mom when she wants one even after he got back from work and he doesn't treat me any less or favor my sister he would always treat us equal. And for he has my respect for that (Sorry if grammar isn't right I'm not good at english",,Amazing step dad,"Immense love, care and respect from the step dad",,,Step child, Vent ig?,"i hate my dads wife. i don’t even want to say stepmom because it makes me feel sick. she isn’t a terrible person either, i just hate her. she acts like she knows my dad better than i do and it makes me feel bad. like i’ll find out new stuff about my dad and she will add on and be like “oh yeah and he did this and this and this” like i just want her to shut up! and her son is a nightmare. he is 6 and such a spoiled rotten brat. recently my dad and her got married. they didn’t even ask me to be in the wedding, they just assumed. i told them i wasn’t going and they did not like that, for obvious reasons. my dad texted me about it and i told him i can’t go, i just don’t feel comfortable with it at all. then later i told him i would go under the conditions that i wouldn’t be in any pictures, i would buy my own dress (with his approval), and i would not have to talk to anyone. he did not respond to me when i told him this so i just left it alone. then a few days later, i was hanging out with my dad, having a good time and SM texted me. she basically was trying to guilt trip me into going to the wedding, saying my dad never asks anything of us, and that it would make him so sad if i didn’t go. she also said that this was a “once in a lifetime experience” which i laughed at because it’s both of their’s second wedding. i responded by saying i told my dad that i would go under certain conditions and that i didn’t appreciate her texting me about this and that i knew it would hurt my dad, but what about me? no one took my feelings into consideration. and i am not a selfish person. i also never ask for anything, so why am i the bad guy for putting my feelings first (which i don’t do often) ?! she then told me i was the most disrespectful person for talking to her the way i did, and that she didn’t care if i didn’t appreciate her “talking” to me about it. (that wasn’t what i said, i said texting!!) she also said she didn’t know about these “conditions” because i never talked to her about it. (maybe the person you’re marrying should be the one to communicate with you?!) and i just didn’t respond to her. i went to my room and then my dad texted me saying i was a bad person for speaking to her that way and that he wasn’t going to be manipulated by me (talking abt the conditions of which i would go) and how i was responsible but maybe i need to be reminded how to speak to adults. i just told him i was sorry and didn’t leave my room the next few days until i went to my moms house. i told her what happened and she said she would feel sad if i didn’t go to her wedding but also she didn’t like the way SM was speaking to me. she also told my therapist and sent her the ss of my texts between me, my dad, and SM. my therapist told me she didn’t “pick sides” but i could tell she agreed with SM. it hurt my feelings honestly. i should’ve been able to talk to her about it but i felt unwelcome to. she had me do an appointment with my dad. basically the whole time it was them telling me how i felt which was not fair or accurate. that left a bitter taste in my mouth with my therapist too. anyway- the wedding was over a month age, i didn’t go. it’s over now, whatever. but i still don’t like SM. she is also rude to my mom, never acknowledges her when my mom is polite to her! my mom waves everytime she sees her and all SM does is put her head down. it’s embarrassing honestly. the reason i am so upset now is because SM took my dads last name and it hurts me that she did that. that is MY last name. AND MY MOMS!!! (my mom never changed hers after the divorce because she doesn’t like her maiden name) after she did that i blocked her on facebook (wasn’t friends with her in the first place) but because it made me feel sick seeing her name with MY last name. she texted me yesterday, the first time since the incident abt the wedding. she just wanted to know what sun i wanted for a beach party on sunday (that i didn’t know we were going to.) but i didn’t respond because i don’t want to go to whatever event i wasn’t told about. also i don’t want to talk to her. honestly the only reason i haven’t blocked her is in case of an emergency (my dad got into an accident several months ago and i have a lot of anxiety abt it.) but idrk what to do. i feel unwelcome in my own home. everytime she is home when i am (which is a lot of the time bc our schedules are similar) i stay in my room. i hate being around her and her son. maybe i’m the bad guy but idk, i can’t get over it. she makes me feel so small and disrespected. my safe space is school but it’s summer rn so i don’t even have that. anyway- rant over lol",,Step kid hates step mom,Feels unwelcome at home,Step mom and biological mom do not get along,,Step child, Conflicts of dating when they have kids? I've recently been dating this women who has a 11 year old son. The parents recently split up for the last year. Being introduced to the son was all fine... up until recently bringing my kids around her son now shuts down doesn't acknowledge any of us and is,,,Asking a question ,,,,Step parent, "On Saturday, I gotta go to my stepdad’s parent’s ranch","Basically what the title says, on Saturday I gotta go to my stepdads families ranch because it’s his dad’s birthday but I really don’t wanna go. For context Iam 18 but I don’t got a license so I can’t really go anywhere and also, it’s gonna be a party",,Don't want to attend a family event,,,,Step child, Are there any stepkids who lost their BP at a young age and have had a SP from a pretty young age?,"I’m a SM to a 11 year old who i adopted 5 years ago (I’m calling myself his SM for the sake of clarity but we refer to each other as mother and son). I’ve been in his life for 8 years (DH and I started out as friends) and his biological mother passed away when he was a few months old. He calls me Umma (mum in his native language). I just joined this sub because I wanted to see his perspective of the situation. (I was previously part of r/stepparents and I despised the toxicity there and also recently got banned!) He considers me his mum because he doesn’t know his bio mum and I love him more than anything too. I have a BS with my DH and they are both equal in my eyes. DH and I also make an effort to make sure he knows his bio mum. (DH mostly handles that as I never knew her but I do reassure him that his mum is watching over him and loves him) We have picturws of her and everything we think he needs to feel close to her. I just want to know if there’s anything more I should be doing to help him feel close to his bio mum and how other SKs feel toward their SPs in this situation. TIA! and I’m eager to learn how others in his situation felt or are feeling.",,Asking a question ,,,,Step parent, My stepdad is the worlds greatest person,"Okay I grew up with an abusive father but my mom married my stepdad 4 years ago. A few months ago I was diagnosed with autism and my stepdad was driving me to work as I can’t drive due to having seizures. He told me he had a surprise for me. He rolled up his sleeve and had a tattoo of a purple ribbon and a puzzle piece saying, “proud dad of a a strong girl.” I cried hugging him and he told me he doesn’t care that I’m different and that he is so lucky to have me as a stepdaughter and how happy he is that I never let it stop me. If you see this somehow thank you Rick I can’t thank you enough for not only being a father I needed and a best friend.",,Immense gratitude for stepdad going above and beyound to show his love,,,,Step child, AITA For Asking My Boyfriend why he continues to pay for a child that isn't his?,"context: F22 Bf- M21 Kid #1-bf’s ex's child 3yrs (no relation to bf) Kid #2- Bf’s bio child 2yrs BM - ex. Mom of both We’ve been together for over a year (known each other for 3) The issue is with Kid #1. That’s BM’s son and belongs to a deadbeat who gave up his rights & has never been in his life. Bf has been there since he’s been born. When they split & found out she was pregnant, he’s been taking both kids (2 years) We’re planning on moving out, need a new car, and for the past year struggled. Since we’re moving, the kids will need a daycare (he pays CS which pays for her daycare). They have 50/50. He has paid for kid #1 when he has both. 6 months ago, she took him for CS. She told the judge the amount daycare was (this included BOTH kids) & is now what he pays. I put my foot down after dealing with this for a year bc I do want us to live a good life, including having more kids. He made the comment that it is hard not only with 2, but also financially providing. I am a FT student so I work PT, & he works FT, lots of OT. I brought up splitting the daycare costs and if she doesn’t then he needs to say something. He didn’t get mad, but I could tell he was upset with the convo. We have had this convo before when we were unsure of CS $. Got into a HUGE fight bc I said we couldn’t keep taking kid #1. Now our relationship is stronger, & I think he feels that way deep down (even if it would hurt him to lose his role). He has always provided when she’s struggled. He pays more than the daycare $ in CS, so she provided lunches and diapers (she works there) She lost her FS and couldn’t afford to do lunches on our weeks, so we did. Said she had no $ for diapers, so we got it. I don’t believe she uses the CS on daycare, as the state has daycare assistance I’m sure she applied and got. My bf has none of those resources and never has. Legally, I just want 50/50 with his bio child and rights established. Unfortunately, that will never be the case for Kid #1. I don’t mind taking him, it’s just the cost of two kids. I didn’t want to be the a hole in this convo, but I really feel like nobody in his life guided him when he made the choice. He also wasn’t striving for better, which now I believe he is. For taxes, she claims them every year. Never offered to give him half of kid #1, just #2. She has threatened to keep the kids if something doesn’t go her way. She accused us both in treating him differently. My bf has no rights in the states eyes because they were never married, so she has always dictated the schedule. If my bf chooses to not do something, her response would be “guess you don’t have to see the kids, you we can swap to every other weekend”. She has purposely gotten pregnant. She JUST had one with the guy she cheated on my bf with. So she has 3 kids, 3 different BD’s. I have moved here to be with him, transferred for school, and I really just don’t want our life being run by her. AITA? What do I do if he doesn’t follow through with what we agreed on?",,Asking a question ,,,,Step parent, 'ours-baby?',"so im new here, but im a stepkid x2 because both of my parents remarried, but i recently discovered the stepparents reddit, and oh my GOD??? Not even going to mention the way some of them talk about their stepkids, but i want to talk about the verbiage. The term, 'ours baby' seriously rubs me the wrong way. if i ever heard my step mom/dad refer to my half siblings as their 'ours baby' i would feel ridiculously inferior to them and feel as though i basically am just baggage from my parents relationship. what are yalls thoughts on this?",,"Describing the term ""ours-baby""",Asking a question,,,Step child, What do I do after being flat out told I’m less important than a bio-kid?,"Me (22M) and my SM have had a rough relationship over the past few years. To make a long story short, I moved in with her and my dad at the tail end of 2020 after a falling out with my mother. I was always present in both parents lives, just lived with my mom. Anyways, at one point me and SM got into a big fight (my fault) that I did not see as big as she did nd it changed our relationship going forward. Despite years passing and my attempts at mending things and being part of the family, she has remained icy. This part isn’t relevant to my actual question, but context is important as always. So we’re having a conversation over text that becomes heated, and declares everything involving us is basically my fault and I need to be an adult. Fine. I’ll accept that and try to move on. However, when telling my side I mention how I was hurt she wouldn’t come to my college graduation because my younger sister had a dance recital and was responded to with this (see image). I’m not asking for advice necessarily on everything else, giving full context would be too much and I’ve already admittted guilt and apologized a ton. But how do I deal with being told I’m not as important? If it was an equally important event then fine I get it, but it was one of many dance recitals and she just started high school so there will be many more. How do I deal with my emotions? I was always told I was seen as equal to my siblings, but I suppose that wasn’t true.",,Fights between step mom and step child,Step mom refuses to forgive step kid,Step child not as important as biological child,Asking a question,Step child, Step kid and Bio Son - Divorce,"AITA? Please enlighten me. I was with my husband for 8 years married for two and separated for 2. During this whole time, I've been cheated on, lied to, manipulated, all of the above. I have a bio son (8) he has a bio daughter (12). Yes he has been in my sons life since he was 6 months old but was never really a father figure, he's a cop so he was barely ever around. I have been in his daughter life a long time as well although we could never really get as close as I wanted us too (she's has a learning disability which effects her emotions). Either way, we are divorcing and i need space and time to heal, no contact, no seeing each other, no of the above because in the past, every time he has come over it has lead to sex or him wanting to try again. I'm still hurting from the entirety of it all. My son and his daughter are obviously pretty close and love each other, they've been in each other's lives a very long time. I guess what I'm asking is, am I wrong for wanting to cut off all communication for a long time so I can do what's best for me? No talking or seeing his daughter, he cant see my son (which doesn't bother him), the kids cant see each other?? Ugh!",,Asking a question ,,,,Step parent, I hate my stepmom,"First of all, English is not my first language so if there’s any errors I apologize now. My dad has been dating a woman for about a year now. She has two daughters (12 and 17) and I have one younger brother(11). She’s a nice person to about everyone except me and I genuinely don’t know why. First thing is she shows my little brother just as much love as both her daughters and goes above and beyond on birthdays, and holidays and makes sure he’s happy. For Christmas, he got a $2,000 gaming computer from her and she gave me a pack of crayons. I’m 14 years old and haven’t used crayons in 5 years. For his birthday she gave him an iPhone, for mine I got a T-shirt from one of those little beach stores that are like $10. She also gets her daughters gifts like high amount gift cards, tvs for bedrooms, and whatever clothing they ask for. Another huge issue I have with her is how much of a health nut she is to me. Whenever we go out to eat, she always pressures me into getting healthy items (nothing wrong with eating healthy) however, whenever I’m with her she never allows me to eat anything deemed “unhealthy” ( ice cream, pizza, fries, etc) and all other kids can eat whatever they want. She wouldn’t even let me eat my own birthday cake when I turned 14. I was always a bigger kid, until about two years ago when I developed bulimia. She knows I’m in recovery, and seems like she’s almost forcing me to go back into those habits. My dad tells me she’s just not fully adjusted to my brother and I yet, and to give her time but this has been going on since I met her. What do I do?",,Passive Father,Clear distinction between the gifts the favourite children get for Christmas and birthdays and this step child,No love from step mom,,Step child, Ive been feeling left out as an adult child (25) of divorce with younger step siblings (early teens). Advice plz!,"This is my very first Reddit post so I actually have no idea what I’m doing lol. For context, my sisters and I all are young adults (29,25,22) and my dad remarried a woman with kids from a previous marriage (early teens). My dad was not present much during his 1st marriage with my mom and it was honestly a very stressful environment. They both had unhealthy relationship habits, but ultimately my dad had an affair that ended the relationship. Fast forward some time and my dad remarried my stepmom. My sisters and I all love her and she is an amazing woman who loves my dad. I am truly happy for them both and her kids are great too, but I am not close with them because of age gap and they live almost 3 hours away. But in the last ~2 years, I feel like I’ve noticed passive gestures of exclusion towards my sisters and I. My sisters and I only see my dad for birthdays, holidays, or when someone is able to visit which hasn’t been possible this past year because they’re house was affected by a natural disaster so there was nowhere for me to stay if I did visit. Before this happened though, I was visiting them and I saw in the living room they had done those professional family photos framed on the shelves. My sisters and I were not asked to be involved and it really hurt (still does, but ya know). I just started to notice then how little we see our dad, even for big things in our lives. Both my sisters graduated from beauty school during that time, and I remember them feeling sad he (and step family) wasn’t there. But the most recent instance is they are taking a family vacation with her biological children while not attempting to include us. I want to really stress that I understand I am an adult and I in no way expect a trip paid for by them. Even if my sisters and I couldn’t go, I feel like just asking/making efforts to include us would really mean the world to me/us. They have done a few vacations without us and my sister told me how she had talked to my stepmom about it previously. She said what I said how obviously we as adults will not expect them to pay for our vacation and that just an invite would mean the world. Over the weekend, my dad and stepmom said they were going on vacation with the kids next week. I had a quick knee jerk reaction because I had been really missing time with my dad lately and mentioned how I feel upset because I’ve/we’ve been feeling kinda left out lately. But I fucked up because they had been drinking and I wasn’t much because I had to drive and it wasn’t fair for me to do that. However, it was so reactionary and it really was coming from a vulnerable place of trying to spend more time with my dad and step family. But her reaction was not what I was expecting at all. She mentioned how my sisters and I are adults and they can’t afford to take everyone on a vacation and her kids deserve to have vacations because my sisters and I went on them when we were kids. It really caught me off guard and I tried to explain my feelings aren’t about the trip itself per-say, but about wanting to feel more included/apart of the blended family. I explained I was not in anyway trying to guilt them for going on vacation or that her kids don’t deserve a vacation and that it’s not about the money (meaning I don’t expect them to pay), it’s about feeling included. I then asked her if she could at least see where I was coming from in feeling upset and she said “no.” I realized what I was saying was not registering with her because she kept bringing it back to her kids and not being able to afford taking everyone. This goes back to when I said they had been drinking and it wasn’t right of me to bring it up then. So I we just kinda moved on from the conversation, but I called them the next day asking To talk when they get back from vacation. I truly am happy for them and I really don’t care about them going on vacation without us. But I wish there would be more of an effort to include us especially because my sister had this same conversation with her previously. We do not expect/want them to pay and may even be busy, but just ask. Or even if they don’t want us there, just say it. It would absolutely hurt and it would be shitty, but at this point I wonder if that’s the case because it’s not hard to ask. Especially if it would help my dads kids feel like we are apart of the family. But my older sister is actually really shitty to my dad and I would hate to feel like her relationship with him is affecting my stepmoms relationship with us. Because I understand she is also his partner and wants to protect him. There’s just so many factors in this family dynamic that all contribute to this. I just felt really invalidated the other night and I am really upset about it. Am I just wrong in general? I have been preparing all week doing research and trying to figure out how to talk to them about this when we sit down. I just want to spend more time with my dad and step family and I want to feel more included in the family. I also want to open up the floor for any shortcomings on my part and what I can do better for them when we talk. If anyone has any advice how to communicate this, please do! Also if I am just being unreasonable I’d like to know too. I can’t find anything online that cos similar to my situation so perspective would be helpful too!",,Family disfunction,Exclusion of kids from the Step fathers side,Passive Father,Less time spent with Grown up step kids. They feel excluded,Step child,