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| <title>SCENE III. A street. | |
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| | <A href="/Shakespeare/much_ado/">Much Ado About Nothing</A> | |
| | Act 3, Scene 3 | |
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| <H3>SCENE III. A street.</h3> | |
| <p><blockquote> | |
| <i>Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES with the Watch</i> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech1><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=1>Are you good men and true?</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech2><b>VERGES</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=2>Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=3>salvation, body and soul.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech3><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=4>Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=5>they should have any allegiance in them, being</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=6>chosen for the prince's watch.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech4><b>VERGES</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=7>Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech5><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=8>First, who think you the most desertless man to be</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=9>constable?</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech6><b>First Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=10>Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole; for they can</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=11>write and read.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech7><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=12>Come hither, neighbour Seacole. God hath blessed</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=13>you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man is</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=14>the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by nature.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech8><b>Second Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=15>Both which, master constable,--</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech9><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=16>You have: I knew it would be your answer. Well,</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=17>for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and make</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=18>no boast of it; and for your writing and reading,</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=19>let that appear when there is no need of such</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=20>vanity. You are thought here to be the most</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=21>senseless and fit man for the constable of the</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=22>watch; therefore bear you the lantern. This is your</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=23>charge: you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=24>to bid any man stand, in the prince's name.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech10><b>Second Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=25>How if a' will not stand?</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech11><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=26>Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go; and</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=27>presently call the rest of the watch together and</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=28>thank God you are rid of a knave.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech12><b>VERGES</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=29>If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=30>of the prince's subjects.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech13><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=31>True, and they are to meddle with none but the</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=32>prince's subjects. You shall also make no noise in</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=33>the streets; for, for the watch to babble and to</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=34>talk is most tolerable and not to be endured.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech14><b>Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=35>We will rather sleep than talk: we know what</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=36>belongs to a watch.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech15><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=37>Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=38>watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=39>offend: only, have a care that your bills be not</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=40>stolen. Well, you are to call at all the</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=41>ale-houses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech16><b>Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=42>How if they will not?</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech17><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=43>Why, then, let them alone till they are sober: if</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=44>they make you not then the better answer, you may</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=45>say they are not the men you took them for.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech18><b>Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=46>Well, sir.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech19><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=47>If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=48>of your office, to be no true man; and, for such</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=49>kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them,</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=50>why the more is for your honesty.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech20><b>Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=51>If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=52>hands on him?</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech21><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=53>Truly, by your office, you may; but I think they</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=54>that touch pitch will be defiled: the most peaceable</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=55>way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=56>show himself what he is and steal out of your company.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech22><b>VERGES</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=57>You have been always called a merciful man, partner.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech23><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=58>Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=59>a man who hath any honesty in him.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech24><b>VERGES</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=60>If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=61>to the nurse and bid her still it.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech25><b>Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=62>How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech26><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=63>Why, then, depart in peace, and let the child wake</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=64>her with crying; for the ewe that will not hear her</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=65>lamb when it baes will never answer a calf when he bleats.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech27><b>VERGES</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=66>'Tis very true.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech28><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=67>This is the end of the charge:--you, constable, are</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=68>to present the prince's own person: if you meet the</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=69>prince in the night, you may stay him.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech29><b>VERGES</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=70>Nay, by'r our lady, that I think a' cannot.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech30><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=71>Five shillings to one on't, with any man that knows</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=72>the statutes, he may stay him: marry, not without</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=73>the prince be willing; for, indeed, the watch ought</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=74>to offend no man; and it is an offence to stay a</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=75>man against his will.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech31><b>VERGES</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=76>By'r lady, I think it be so.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech32><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=77>Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good night: an there be</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=78>any matter of weight chances, call up me: keep your</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=79>fellows' counsels and your own; and good night.</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=80>Come, neighbour.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech33><b>Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=81>Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit here</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=82>upon the church-bench till two, and then all to bed.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech34><b>DOGBERRY</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=83>One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you watch</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=84>about Signior Leonato's door; for the wedding being</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=85>there to-morrow, there is a great coil to-night.</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=86>Adieu: be vigitant, I beseech you.</A><br> | |
| <p><i>Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES</i></p> | |
| <p><i>Enter BORACHIO and CONRADE</i></p> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech35><b>BORACHIO</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=87>What Conrade!</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech36><b>Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=88>[Aside] Peace! stir not.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech37><b>BORACHIO</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=89>Conrade, I say!</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech38><b>CONRADE</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=90>Here, man; I am at thy elbow.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech39><b>BORACHIO</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=91>Mass, and my elbow itched; I thought there would a</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=92>scab follow.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech40><b>CONRADE</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=93>I will owe thee an answer for that: and now forward</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=94>with thy tale.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech41><b>BORACHIO</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=95>Stand thee close, then, under this pent-house, for</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=96>it drizzles rain; and I will, like a true drunkard,</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=97>utter all to thee.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech42><b>Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=98>[Aside] Some treason, masters: yet stand close.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech43><b>BORACHIO</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=99>Therefore know I have earned of Don John a thousand ducats.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech44><b>CONRADE</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=100>Is it possible that any villany should be so dear?</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech45><b>BORACHIO</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=101>Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=102>villany should be so rich; for when rich villains</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=103>have need of poor ones, poor ones may make what</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=104>price they will.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech46><b>CONRADE</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=105>I wonder at it.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech47><b>BORACHIO</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=106>That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest that</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=107>the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=108>nothing to a man.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech48><b>CONRADE</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=109>Yes, it is apparel.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech49><b>BORACHIO</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=110>I mean, the fashion.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech50><b>CONRADE</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=111>Yes, the fashion is the fashion.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech51><b>BORACHIO</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=112>Tush! I may as well say the fool's the fool. But</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=113>seest thou not what a deformed thief this fashion</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=114>is?</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech52><b>Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=115>[Aside] I know that Deformed; a' has been a vile</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=116>thief this seven year; a' goes up and down like a</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=117>gentleman: I remember his name.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech53><b>BORACHIO</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=118>Didst thou not hear somebody?</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech54><b>CONRADE</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=119>No; 'twas the vane on the house.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech55><b>BORACHIO</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=120>Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=121>fashion is? how giddily a' turns about all the hot</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=122>bloods between fourteen and five-and-thirty?</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=123>sometimes fashioning them like Pharaoh's soldiers</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=124>in the reeky painting, sometime like god Bel's</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=125>priests in the old church-window, sometime like the</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=126>shaven Hercules in the smirched worm-eaten tapestry,</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=127>where his codpiece seems as massy as his club?</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech56><b>CONRADE</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=128>All this I see; and I see that the fashion wears</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=129>out more apparel than the man. But art not thou</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=130>thyself giddy with the fashion too, that thou hast</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=131>shifted out of thy tale into telling me of the fashion?</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech57><b>BORACHIO</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=132>Not so, neither: but know that I have to-night</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=133>wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero's gentlewoman, by the</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=134>name of Hero: she leans me out at her mistress'</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=135>chamber-window, bids me a thousand times good</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=136>night,--I tell this tale vilely:--I should first</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=137>tell thee how the prince, Claudio and my master,</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=138>planted and placed and possessed by my master Don</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=139>John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable encounter.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech58><b>CONRADE</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=140>And thought they Margaret was Hero?</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech59><b>BORACHIO</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=141>Two of them did, the prince and Claudio; but the</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=142>devil my master knew she was Margaret; and partly</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=143>by his oaths, which first possessed them, partly by</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=144>the dark night, which did deceive them, but chiefly</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=145>by my villany, which did confirm any slander that</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=146>Don John had made, away went Claudio enraged; swore</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=147>he would meet her, as he was appointed, next morning</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=148>at the temple, and there, before the whole</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=149>congregation, shame her with what he saw o'er night</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=150>and send her home again without a husband.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech60><b>First Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=151>We charge you, in the prince's name, stand!</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech61><b>Second Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=152>Call up the right master constable. We have here</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=153>recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=154>ever was known in the commonwealth.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech62><b>First Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=155>And one Deformed is one of them: I know him; a'</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=156>wears a lock.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech63><b>CONRADE</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=157>Masters, masters,--</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech64><b>Second Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=158>You'll be made bring Deformed forth, I warrant you.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech65><b>CONRADE</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=159>Masters,--</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech66><b>First Watchman</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=160>Never speak: we charge you let us obey you to go with us.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech67><b>BORACHIO</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=161>We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken</A><br> | |
| <A NAME=162>up of these men's bills.</A><br> | |
| </blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=speech68><b>CONRADE</b></a> | |
| <blockquote> | |
| <A NAME=163>A commodity in question, I warrant you. Come, we'll obey you.</A><br> | |
| <p><i>Exeunt</i></p> | |
| </blockquote> | |
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