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95
season
int64
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10
episode
int64
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25
There's nothing to tell. It's just some guy I work with.
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Come on. You're going out with a guy.
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There's gotta be something wrong with him.
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So does he have a hump and a hair piece?
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Wait. Does he eat chalk?
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I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl. Oh.
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Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date.
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It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.
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Sounds like a date to me.
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I'm back in high school, in the middle of the cafeteria...
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...and I realize I'm totally naked.
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- Oh, yeah. - I've had that dream.
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Then I look down and I realize there is a phone...
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- Instead of... - That's right!
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MONICA: That one, I've never had. PHOEBE: No.
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All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring.
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And it turns out it's my mother.
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Which is very, very weird because she never calls me.
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This guy says "hello," I wanna kill myself.
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Are you okay, sweetie?
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I feel like someone grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth...
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...and tied it around my neck. - Cookie?
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Carol moved her stuff out today.
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PHOEBE & JOEY: Oh.
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- Let me get you some coffee. - Thanks.
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No. No, don't! Stop cleansing my aura.
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Just leave my aura alone, okay?
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I'll be fine. All right? Really. I hope she'll be very happy.
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- No, you don't. - No, I don't.
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To hell with her. She left me!
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And you never knew she was a lesbian.
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Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
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She didn't know. How should I know?
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Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.
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Did I say that out loud?
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All right, Ross. Look, you're feeling a lot of pain right now.
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You're angry. You're hurting.
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Can I tell you what the answer is?
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Come on, you're single. Have some hormones.
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See, but I don't want to be single, okay?
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I just wanna be married again.
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And I just want a million dollars!
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Oh, God, Monica! Hi! Thank God!
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I went to your building and this guy with a hammer said...
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...that you might be here, and you are.
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- Can I get you some coffee? - Decaf.
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Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor.
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This is everybody. This is Chandler and Phoebe...
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...and Joey. And remember my brother, Ross?
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- Sure! - Hey.
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- Hi. - Oh, God.
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So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
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Oh, God! Well, it started about a half-hour before the wedding.
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I was in this room with all the presents...
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...and I was looking at this gravy boat.
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This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat.
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When all of a sudden... Sweet 'N Low?
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...I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry.
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Then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me:
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How much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head.
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You know, I mean, I always knew he looked familiar, but...
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Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering:
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"Why am I doing this?" And "Who am I doing this for?"
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Anyway, I just didn't know where to go, and I know you and I have drifted apart...
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...but you're the only person I know in the city.
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Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
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Oh, I was kind of hoping that wouldn't be an issue.
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[SPEAKING IN SPANISH ON TV]
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I'm guessing he bought her the big pipe organ...
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...and she's really not happy about it.
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Daddy, I just... I can't marry him.
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I just don't love him.
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Well, it matters to me.
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CHANDLER: She should not be wearing those pants.
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I say push her down the stairs.
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ALL: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
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[ALL CHEER AND APPLAUD]
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Come on, Daddy, listen to me!
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It's like all of my life, everyone's always told me, "You're a shoe!
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You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!"
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Then today I stopped and said, "What if I don't wanna be a shoe?
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What if I wanna be a purse? You know?
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I don't want you to buy me a hat, I am a hat.
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It's a metaphor, Daddy!
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You can see where he'd have trouble.
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Look, Daddy, it's my life.
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Well, maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.
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I guess we've established she's staying with Monica.
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Well, maybe that's my decision.
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Well, maybe I don't need your money.
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Wait! Wait! I said maybe!
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Okay. Just breathe, that's it.
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Just try to think of nice, calm things.
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[SINGING] Raindrops on roses And whiskers on kittens
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Doorbells and sleigh bells And something with mittens
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La la la something With string
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I'm all better now.
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MONICA: Look, this is probably for the best, you know?
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Independence. Taking control of your life.
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And, hey, if you need anything, you can always come to Joey.
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