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https://www.theonion.com/nation-finishes-romantically-pairing-off-except-for-the-1819575979
nation finishes romantically pairing off except for the losers
1
https://www.theonion.com/garrison-keillor-fully-deflates-after-massive-sigh-1819590979
garrison keillor fully deflates after massive sigh
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trevor-noah-michelle-wolf-daily-show_us_5ae8061ae4b02baed1bd8594
trevor noah 'fires' michelle wolf from 'the daily show'
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2015/09/09/jury-awards-ex-roscoes-chicken-n-waffles-employee-1-6m-in-race-discrimination-suit/
jury awards ex-employee of roscoe's chicken n' waffles $1.6m in race discrimination suit
0
https://local.theonion.com/area-dad-suspicious-of-car-parked-across-street-1819568647
area dad suspicious of car parked across street
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jacobs-pillow-dance-festi_1_b_5789886.html
jacob's pillow dance festival 2014 - daniel ulbricht/ballet 2014
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/harrison-ford-begs-agents-to-just-let-him-die-now-1819575803
harrison ford begs agents to just let him die now
1
https://local.theonion.com/pretty-obvious-which-sibling-going-to-have-to-deal-with-1819575925
pretty obvious which sibling going to have to deal with all the nursing home stuff
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/a-playful-reminder-not-to-get-too-stressed-out-by-parenting-advice_us_56c490f2e4b08ffac1271ed2
a playful reminder not to get too stressed out by parenting advice
0
https://www.theonion.com/man-cant-get-police-to-care-about-his-bob-crane-murder-1819566368
man can't get police to care about his bob crane murder theory
1
https://politics.theonion.com/senate-intelligence-committee-confirms-from-testimony-t-1826115790
senate intelligence committee confirms from testimony that donald trump jr. has no knowledge
1
https://local.theonion.com/stressed-lab-rat-breaking-out-in-human-ears-1825601120
stressed lab rat breaking out in human ears
1
https://local.theonion.com/girlfriend-girlfriend-s-brother-look-way-too-much-alik-1819576518
girlfriend, girlfriend's brother look way too much alike
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/les-cuistots-migrateurs-migrant-cooks-france-paris-refugees-catering_us_577d42e6e4b0a629c1ab8aaa
french catering company employs refugees to cook their native foods
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-find-work-you-love_us_5611cdc2e4b07681270268c1
how to find work you love
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/why-20-year-old-says-she-wants-to-marry-man-who-has-been-physical-with-her_us_560cd303e4b076812700d297
20-year-old says 'i deserved it' after fiancé punched her in the arm
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/desperate-wheel-of-fortune-receives-approval-to-use-swe-1819564986
desperate wheel of fortune receives approval to use swear words
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/elizabeth-warren-hillary-clinton_us_576abe47e4b0c0252e77f401
elizabeth warren to campaign with hillary clinton in ohio
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/lithium-battery-south-america_us_56e80b84e4b0b25c91832fa0
surging demand for rechargeable batteries is driving business to south america
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/us-reaches-major-mileston_b_5571793.html
u.s. reaches major milestone: 100,000 american students study in china
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/is-the-southern-baptist-c_b_6078108.html
is the southern baptist church having an identity crisis, or am i?
0
https://local.theonion.com/secretary-cracks-under-administration-of-third-raspberr-1819567667
secretary cracks under administration of third raspberry margarita
1
https://politics.theonion.com/starr-taunts-clinton-with-humiliating-sittin-in-a-tree-1819564923
starr taunts clinton with humiliating 'sittin' in a tree' song
1
https://politics.theonion.com/acoustic-guitar-wielding-trump-tells-congress-this-her-1819579690
acoustic-guitar-wielding trump tells congress 'this here's the story of america'
1
https://politics.theonion.com/security-removes-bidens-rowdy-buddies-from-auditorium-1819574025
security removes biden's rowdy buddies from auditorium
1
https://www.theonion.com/spanish-authorities-ask-anyone-with-information-about-c-1819592911
spanish authorities ask anyone with information about curbing endless cycle of nihilistic violence to come forward
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/box-office-update-dawn-of_n_5580821.html
'dawn of the planet of the apes' owns weekend box office
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trans-women-and-trans-men-offer-intimate-answers-to-personal-questions_us_5655e662e4b072e9d1c162fb
trans women and trans men offer intimate answers to personal questions
0
https://www.theonion.com/justice-department-calls-on-ferguson-to-align-level-of-1819577571
justice department calls on ferguson to align level of institutional racism with rest of country
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mexico-trump-devil_us_57e32b34e4b0e28b2b523ab9
mexican economic minister prepared 'to talk to the devil' if trump wins
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/success-in-relationships_b_6963184.html
success in relationships
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/xi-jinping-china_us_5a9415e5e4b0ee6416a53b90
china sets stage for xi jinping to stay in office indefinitely
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/obamacare-premiums-will-be-way-higher-next-year-they-didnt-have-to-be_us_5afdf024e4b07309e056334e
obamacare premiums will be way higher next year. they didn't have to be.
0
https://www.theonion.com/98-of-babies-manic-depressive-1819570630
98% of babies manic-depressive
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://thehill.com/homenews/house/264114-fury-of-the-right-falls-on-ryan
conservative fury falls on ryan
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hospitals-bombed-gaza_n_5630606.html
hospitals are supposed to be for healing. in gaza, they're part of the war zone
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/aclu-sessions-media_us_5984a431e4b08b75dcc6b6d4
aclu sounds alarm over trump administration's 'threat' to free speech
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/munsters-butch-patrick-quit-acting_us_57feb05ee4b05eff5581641e
former 'munsters' child star shares the troubling real reason he quit acting
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/womenonly-mosque-7-import_b_6600472.html
women-only mosque: 7 important considerations
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ebola-money-pledged-reaching-countries_n_6631354.html
less than half of the money pledged to fight ebola reached affected countries
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/cooking-off-the-cuff-bluefish-in-saor-a-new-york_us_5995b5dce4b056a2b0ef03a1
cooking off the cuff: bluefish in saor – a new york take on a venetian favorite
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/fed-wells-fargo-halt-growth_us_5a753151e4b01ce33eb2dbc6
fed lowers the boom on wells fargo after years of grotesque scandals
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/amber-riley-curvy-style-icon_us_56c0815ce4b0c3c55051bbf7
6 reasons amber riley is a curvy style icon
0
https://www.theonion.com/video-game-character-feeling-healthier-after-eating-tur-1819588274
video-game character feeling healthier after eating turkey leg off ground
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/john-hoeven-indian-affairs-committee_us_587177d3e4b099cdb0fd764c
new chair of senate indian affairs committee wanted dapl protests shut down
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/a-pissing-contest-with-nukes_us_598b449fe4b08a4c247f277e
a pissing contest, with nukes
0
https://www.theonion.com/hungover-energy-secretary-wakes-up-next-to-solar-panel-1819574506
hungover energy secretary wakes up next to solar panel
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/marvels-new-she-hulk-reminds-us-that-anger-can-serve-a-purpose_us_587d1d9ae4b09281d0ebf788
marvel's new she-hulk reminds us that anger can serve a purpose
0
https://www.theonion.com/man-on-weird-fad-diet-where-he-eats-flavorful-meals-tha-1819577343
man on weird fad diet where he eats flavorful meals that make him feel good
1
https://politics.theonion.com/last-few-republican-senators-form-roman-tortoise-1819589391
last few republican senators form roman tortoise
1
https://www.theonion.com/breaking-still-nothing-1819574852
breaking: still nothing
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/dlaontie-lewis-justin-bieber-sings-arrested_us_5631110ce4b0631799107fab
tresspasser enters schools, sings justin bieber songs, police say
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/billy-crystal-reprises-his-city-slickers-role-and-enters-westworld_us_58937900e4b06f344e407a5b
billy crystal reprises his 'city slickers' role to enter 'westworld'
0
https://www.theonion.com/new-pfizer-breakthrough-miraculously-extends-lifespan-o-1819576646
new pfizer breakthrough miraculously extends lifespan of near-death patents
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/its-not-about-leading-its_b_5568858.html
it's not about leading; it's about leading well
0
https://www.theonion.com/time-traveling-commodities-trader-visits-alternate-hog-1819586440
time-traveling commodities trader visits alternate hog future
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/aziz-ansari-snl-host_us_587576c6e4b05b7a465c42b2
aziz ansari slated to be 'snl's' first-ever south asian host
0
https://politics.theonion.com/obama-praises-own-strength-resilience-in-face-of-hards-1819578525
obama praises own strength, resilience in face of hardship during state of the union
1
https://www.theonion.com/bob-barr-on-two-party-system-waaah-waaah-1819570306
bob barr on two-party system: "waaah! waaah!"
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/beyonce-paintings_n_5187330.html
someone inserted beyonce into famous paintings, and it's just as glorious as it sounds
0
https://politics.theonion.com/john-kerry-lost-somewhere-in-gobi-desert-1819574787
john kerry lost somewhere in gobi desert
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/jerky-boys-accidentally-prank-call-last-remaining-fan-1819567061
jerky boys accidentally prank-call last remaining fan
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/dear-president-trump-breaking-up-banks-isnt-so-hard-to-do_us_593961e6e4b0b13f2c67e7a5
dear president trump: breaking up banks isn't so hard to do
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/kate-middleton-feels-royal-baby-kicking-during-queen-s-1819575077
kate middleton feels royal baby kicking during queen's coronation anniversary
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/obamas-new-book_us_5863e1e9e4b0eb586487c1f5
obama's next chapter: write a new book
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kelly-clarkson-felt-suppressed-says-being-out-changed_us_59fd07f1e4b0d467d4c224f7
kelly clarkson felt 'suppressed,' says top country star's career changed when he came out
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/mo-nique-know-she-look-good-1819588360
mo'nique know she look good
1
https://local.theonion.com/area-grandma-enjoys-flourishing-correspondence-with-mai-1819576046
area grandma enjoys flourishing correspondence with mailer-daemon
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/what-all-writers-and-human-beings-should-keep-in-mind_b_7112348.html
what all writers (and human beings) should keep in mind
0
https://www.theonion.com/if-area-dad-steps-on-legos-one-more-time-1819567688
if area dad steps on legos one more time
1
https://local.theonion.com/area-dad-just-wants-to-watch-one-7-hour-block-of-televi-1819576995
area dad just wants to watch one 7-hour block of television without interruption
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/officers-of-the-peace_b_6382974.html
officers of the peace
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/nepal-calls-part-two_b_7258966.html
nepal calls: part two
0
https://www.theonion.com/new-lion-tamer-shocked-by-vast-amount-of-paperwork-1819569250
new lion tamer shocked by vast amount of paperwork
1
https://www.theonion.com/local-man-casually-mentions-upcoming-birthday-1819565343
local man casually mentions upcoming birthday
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/peoples-climate-march-washington_us_59024d6ae4b02655f83b1803
thousands are flocking to washington this weekend to demand climate action
0
https://www.theonion.com/gun-pays-for-itself-on-first-day-1819587570
gun pays for itself on first day
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/whats-in-hotdogs_us_5b0413d8e4b07309e05c3b0e
43 percent of americans are afraid to find out what's in hot dogs
0
https://politics.theonion.com/rick-perry-speech-electrifies-1-200-scared-miserable-r-1819590493
rick perry speech electrifies 1,200 scared, miserable racists
1
https://www.theonion.com/brad-pitt-called-before-congress-to-testify-about-bicep-1819587576
brad pitt called before congress to testify about bicep regimen
1
https://politics.theonion.com/flynn-pleads-guilty-to-lying-to-fbi-but-worst-of-all-1820930885
flynn pleads guilty to lying to fbi, but, worst of all, lying to himself
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kosovo-protests-fire_us_56912a6ce4b0a2b6fb704d30
kosovo protesters set fire to government hq
0
https://local.theonion.com/man-knows-he-must-ride-unexpected-urge-to-clean-as-far-1819579816
man knows he must ride unexpected urge to clean as far as it will take him
1
https://www.theonion.com/area-loser-blissfully-unaffected-by-whims-of-stock-mark-1819572850
area loser blissfully unaffected by whims of stock market
1
https://www.theonion.com/dennys-introduces-just-a-humongous-bucket-of-eggs-and-m-1819586922
denny's introduces 'just a humongous bucket of eggs and meat'
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/yoga-how-we-serve-survivo_b_5228829.html
yoga: how we serve survivors of violence and toxic stress
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/is-pokemon-go-down-or-not_us_578e5373e4b0aad703ab4cb1
problems with your pokemon go app? check this site for more info.
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/teen-brain-cancer_b_5372388.html
what it's really like to be 16 with cancer
0
https://www.theonion.com/historical-archives-hy-genic-apportionment-of-remainin-1819570248
historical archives: hy-genic apportionment of remaining paper
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/kanye-west-i-would-ve-ridden-away-from-a-slave-planta-1825726783
kanye west: 'i would've ridden away from a slave plantation on a motorcycle first chance i got'
1
https://www.theonion.com/god-admits-stealing-idea-for-messiah-from-zoroastrianis-1819578915
god admits stealing idea for messiah from zoroastrianism
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/monumental-betrayal_us_5907bb5be4b084f59b49fbf9
trump's monumental betrayal
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/apple-homepod_us_5936def0e4b0cfcda9181eb6
twitter thinks apple's homepod looks like a roll of toilet paper
0
https://www.theonion.com/stripper-failing-school-shes-working-self-through-1819566861
stripper failing school she's working self through
1
https://www.theonion.com/housekeeper-too-busy-to-be-sassy-1819566914
housekeeper too busy to be sassy
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kesha-thanks-fans-public-statement_us_56cdac25e4b0928f5a6dc3f3
kesha thanks fans 'a million times over' in first public statement
0
https://local.theonion.com/embarrassed-snake-can-t-believe-documentary-crew-caught-1819577897
embarrassed snake can't believe documentary crew caught it whiffing while lunging at toad
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/justice-breyer-dissent-solitary-confinement_us_58c082e3e4b054a0ea679cf9
in late-night dissent, justice breyer sounds off against solitary confinement
0
https://www.theonion.com/new-rumsfeld-scholarship-awarded-to-student-who-demonst-1819573275
new rumsfeld scholarship awarded to student who demonstrates potential to ignore geopolitical consequences of armed invasion
1
https://local.theonion.com/siblings-playing-tense-game-of-chicken-to-decide-who-go-1819577614
siblings playing tense game of chicken to decide who going to care for mom
1