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https://www.theonion.com/life-choices-leading-area-man-to-career-in-self-storage-1819570760
life choices leading area man to career in self-storage
1
https://www.theonion.com/area-man-suddenly-realizes-hes-the-one-whos-been-killin-1819571748
area man suddenly realizes he's the one who's been killing off world's bee population
1
https://local.theonion.com/flu-takes-down-biggest-guy-in-office-in-as-warning-to-r-1820330659
flu takes down biggest guy in office as warning to rest of staff
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/indiana-jones-could-be-played-by-a-woman-one-day-steven-spielberg-says_us_5ac61b1ce4b0aacd15b8fb0f
indiana jones could be played by a woman, steven spielberg says
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/muppets-nwa-express-yourself-video_us_55d4a162e4b0ab468d9f35a9
just a couple of muppets singing n.w.a's 'express yourself'
0
https://www.theonion.com/oxford-english-dictionary-to-add-skype-and-coat-to-late-1819572447
oxford english dictionary to add 'skype' and 'coat' to latest edition
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/shopbop-surprise-sale_us_59f9d370e4b00c6145e301bc
the best place to buy designer fall clothes on sale
0
https://www.theonion.com/school-principal-pauses-for-applause-that-never-comes-1819566218
school principal pauses for applause that never comes
1
https://politics.theonion.com/baltimore-pigeons-shocked-to-find-beloved-shitting-stat-1819592908
baltimore pigeons shocked to find beloved shitting statues gone
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/and-thats-how-i-beat-shaq-at-a-game-of-mind-control_us_58a5f85fe4b045cd34bfb4c2
and that's how i beat shaq ... at a game of mind control
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/letter-to-my-girls-about-the-mean-girl_b_7197466.html
letter to my girls about the mean girl
0
https://www.theonion.com/amazing-human-fly-lives-off-diet-of-garbage-1819587760
amazing 'human fly' lives off diet of garbage
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/moving-cheap-tricks_us_578d24a2e4b0c53d5cfa7077
5 brilliant tricks that make moving cheap
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-protesters-constitution-khan_us_57a39862e4b056bad214e62f
protesters ejected from donald trump rally after holding up pocket constitutions
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trevor-noah-hillary-clinton-wikileaks_us_5806ecffe4b0b994d4c2889a
trevor noah says wikileaks proves clinton is guilty -- of being boring
0
https://local.theonion.com/mans-relationship-advice-same-as-his-hunting-tips-1819568270
man's relationship advice same as his hunting tips
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/sex-advice-free-your-mind_b_5493845.html
free your mind your crotch will follow
0
https://www.theonion.com/museum-s-audio-guide-informs-visitors-how-much-more-the-1819577144
museum's audio guide informs visitors how much more they getting out of experience than others
1
https://www.theonion.com/jeff-bezos-tables-latest-breakthrough-cost-cutting-idea-1824144898
jeff bezos tables latest breakthrough cost-cutting idea after realizing it's just slaves
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/is-it-ok-to-be-rich-wealth_b_5495020.html
is it ok to be rich?
0
https://www.theonion.com/natural-light-very-important-to-local-man-1819565284
natural light very important to local man
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/nancy-pelosi-tax-extenders_us_566b0239e4b0f290e522eecd
pelosi throws cold water on tax extenders bill as talks run down to the wire
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/redbox-debuts-new-touchscreen-in-back-of-kiosk-for-porn-1819580137
redbox debuts new touchscreen in back of kiosk for pornographic features
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/raqqa-isis-syria_us_59e36c76e4b03a7be5813ab4
isis losing its 'capital' is a pivotal defeat for the terrorist group
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/chuck-schumer-spine-protest_us_588bc9f1e4b0b065cbbc06fe
activists to deliver 'spines' to chuck schumer to protest cabinet confirmations
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/nato-trump-stoltenberg_us_58287f4de4b060adb56ee12d
nato leader says going it alone not an option after trump victory
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/deeper-ties-to-corporate_n_6727658.html
top climate change doubter didn't mention that oil companies were paying him
0
https://politics.theonion.com/mitt-romney-reaches-out-to-young-voters-with-laser-tag-1819573886
mitt romney reaches out to young voters with laser tag pizza party
1
https://www.theonion.com/authorities-claim-the-true-austin-bomber-was-everyone-w-1824004129
authorities claim the true austin bomber was everyone who failed this sensitive, promising kid
1
https://www.theonion.com/richard-bransons-global-warming-donation-nearly-as-much-1819568749
richard branson's global-warming donation nearly as much as cost of failed balloon trips
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ferguson-protest-demands_n_5701847.html
watch: ferguson protesters have some demands
0
https://local.theonion.com/man-20-minutes-into-organizing-shelves-becomes-grimly-a-1819580157
man 20 minutes into organizing shelves becomes grimly aware of what chaos he has wrought
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/poll-donald-trumps-attacks-on-a-judge-were-racist-and-wrong_us_5758653ce4b0ced23ca6b902
donald trump's attacks on a judge were racist and wrong: poll
0
https://www.theonion.com/hot-puerto-rican-scientist-sweeps-latin-nobel-prize-awa-1819590973
hot puerto rican scientist sweeps latin nobel prize awards
1
https://www.theonion.com/ironic-kitsch-appreciation-subculture-excited-about-new-1819566006
ironic-kitsch-appreciation subculture excited about new britney spears novel
1
https://local.theonion.com/new-jersey-supreme-court-rules-the-bastard-had-it-comin-1819565432
new jersey supreme court rules the bastard had it coming
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/man-who-bought-34th-anniversary-reissue-of-fleetwood-ma-1819574597
man who bought 34th anniversary reissue of fleetwood mac's 'rumours' feeling like real idiot after passing display for 35th anniversary edition
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/spelling-bee-winners-2016_us_5747c1c7e4b055bb1171c9fb
winners tie in scripps national spelling bee
0
https://www.theonion.com/spy-world-famous-1819566663
spy world-famous
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/fourth-graders-plot-to-kill-teacher-hand-sanitizer_n_6443286.html
fourth graders suspended after plotting to kill teacher with hand sanitizer
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/02/us/politics/north-carolina-anti-discrimination-law-obama-federal-funds.html
north carolina law may risk federal aid
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/what-i-realized-when-i-let-my-mom-take-over-my-online-dating-profile-for-a-night_b_5503885.html
what i realized when i let my mom take over my online dating profile
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/diversity-was-the-real-winner-last-night-report-hund-1823524487
'diversity was the real winner last night,' report hundreds of dumbasses whose very existence insults the name of journalism
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/perfect-response-to-heckler-somewhere-in-prop-comedians-1819568560
perfect response to heckler somewhere in prop comedian's trunk
1
https://politics.theonion.com/gop-leaders-assure-sobbing-rubio-it-not-his-fault-party-1819578740
gop leaders assure sobbing rubio it not his fault party splitting up
1
https://www.theonion.com/new-study-finds-solving-every-single-personal-problem-r-1819579274
new study finds solving every single personal problem reduces anxiety
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/this-guy-gave-people-a-sneak-peak-at-the-iphone-7-but-jokes-on-them_us_57d9863ae4b09d7a6880f8a5
this guy gave people a 'sneak peak' at the iphone 7, but joke's on them!
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/a-lifeline-for-disappearing-cod-_b_6803094.html
a lifeline for disappearing cod
0
https://www.theonion.com/woman-who-claims-book-changed-her-life-has-not-changed-1819566322
woman who claims book changed her life has not changed
1
https://www.theonion.com/student-fills-in-new-essay-portion-of-sat-with-all-cs-1819588310
student fills in new essay portion of sat with all c's
1
https://local.theonion.com/smoke-detector-saves-family-from-buying-new-batteries-f-1819591913
smoke detector saves family from buying new batteries for remote
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/black-hawk-crash-hawaii_us_599451a9e4b0e789a9486b6f
5 missing after army helicopter downed near hawaii
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/threatening-letter-sent-to-mosques_us_583dceb2e4b04b66c01c0504
more mosques receive letter threatening genocide as police close in on suspected author
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/arkansas-same-sex-birth-certificates_us_56623191e4b08e945fefb353
arkansas begins listing some same-sex parents on birth certificates
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/nation-still-reeling-from-mega-success-of-mr-poppers-p-1819573711
nation still reeling from mega-success of 'mr. popper's penguins'
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/michelle-nunn-spending_n_5571745.html
senate candidate asks gop opponents to sign pledge limiting outside spending
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/nyc-photographer-leverage_b_5654194.html
nyc photographer leverages instagram to plot the future of marketing
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hilton-head-island-vacation--summer_n_5533175.html
hilton head island is the best
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/a-small-request-for-mothers-day_b_7237410.html
a small request for mother's day
0
https://politics.theonion.com/it-unclear-why-thousands-of-loud-chanting-trump-suppor-1819578806
it unclear why thousands of loud, chanting trump supporters gathering outside arena in iowa
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/seven-expert-tips-for-recent-college-grads-on-the-job_us_592460a2e4b0e8f558bb2a2c
6 expert tips for recent college grads on the job hunt
0
https://local.theonion.com/fat-guy-mistakenly-thought-of-as-strong-1819569013
fat guy mistakenly thought of as strong
1
https://local.theonion.com/mom-in-nightgown-mode-1819579521
mom in nightgown mode
1
https://local.theonion.com/yoga-teacher-has-way-too-much-on-plate-to-fuck-any-more-1822766816
yoga teacher has way too much on plate to fuck any more students right now
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/george-and-amal-clooney-stun-in-first-post-baby-red-carpet-appearance_us_59ab04e7e4b0b5e530ff1333
george and amal clooney stun in first post-baby red carpet appearance
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/face-reading-an-advantage_b_5675413.html
face-reading: an advantage in business
0
https://www.theonion.com/this-absolutely-the-last-time-bouncer-cleans-up-vomit-1819566911
this absolutely the last time bouncer cleans up vomit
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/arkansas-voter-id-law-primaries_us_5aea305ee4b00f70f0eedcb1
arkansas gets permission to enforce voter id law in primaries
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/emile-ouamouno-ebola-outbreak-started-from-child-patient-zero_n_6083024.html
how the world's worst ebola outbreak started from a single child
0
https://www.theonion.com/study-finds-suspicious-circumstances-still-leading-caus-1819579799
study finds suspicious circumstances still leading cause of death in russia
1
https://local.theonion.com/iowa-resident-has-opinion-month-too-late-1819567251
iowa resident has opinion month too late
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/james-gunn-marvel-instagram-troll_us_5942e9bde4b0f15cd5ba12b3
'guardians of the galaxy' director masterfully trolls marvel executive impersonator
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/2016-campaigns-protective-pool_us_580e1777e4b02444efa42e06
presidential campaigns haven't agreed to 'acceptable' post-election press access
0
https://local.theonion.com/exercise-briefly-considered-1819565351
exercise briefly considered
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/read-the-list-of-important-issues-this-7-year-old-sent-to-elected-officials_us_589cac8de4b0c1284f2b2ebb
read the list of important issues this 7-year-old sent to elected officials
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/will-p51-and-iran-clinch_b_7682790.html
will p5+1 and iran clinch a deal?
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/harry-potter-cast-sorting-hat_us_575c2f7ee4b0ced23ca83829
watch 'harry potter' actors get sorted into hogwarts houses irl
0
https://www.theonion.com/all-knowing-invisible-hand-of-free-market-once-again-gu-1819576033
all-knowing invisible hand of free market once again guides millions in profits to nation's bead stores
1
https://www.theonion.com/mark-zuckerberg-admits-he-unsure-why-anyone-still-uses-1819580326
mark zuckerberg admits he unsure why anyone still uses facebook
1
https://www.theonion.com/kurrencykook-com-gives-new-100-bill-mixed-review-1819574878
kurrencykook.com gives new $100 bill mixed review
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/knicks-magic-new-york-orlando-second-quarter-lowest-points_n_7048082.html
the knicks and magic played the worst quarter in nba history last night
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/medical-marijuana-for-disabled-students_us_5644d5c3e4b08cda3487d69d
this is the first u.s. school to allow marijuana for disabled students
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/secret-penguin-society-discovered-in-antarctica_us_5a9a2e9be4b0479c0252ad47
here's the poop on antarctica's secret penguin society, population 1.5 million
0
https://local.theonion.com/daddy-issues-worked-out-on-dance-floor-1819590026
daddy issues worked out on dance floor
1
https://www.theonion.com/85-percent-of-u-s-cole-slaw-remains-uneaten-1819566664
85 percent of u.s. cole slaw remains uneaten
1
https://local.theonion.com/lot-of-bold-talk-about-making-broth-going-around-apartm-1819574004
lot of bold talk about making broth going around apartment
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/one-key-thing-writing-tea_b_5728178.html
one key thing writing teachers never told me and probably won't tell you
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/el-chapecoense-y-el-pilot_b_13392264.html
el chapecoense y el piloto boliviano.
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/man-praising-allah-incites-panic_us_577bcb96e4b041646410a653
drunk man incites panic after jumping on bar and praising allah: police
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/city-elects-dead-guy_us_58248a82e4b0d9ce6fc10151
california city elects dead man to office after bizarre campaign
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/rob-portman-lawsuits-immigration-obama_n_6184822.html
rob portman: obama will face 'lawsuits' if he acts alone on immigration
0
https://local.theonion.com/man-feeling-pressure-to-live-up-to-conversation-between-1819579256
man feeling pressure to live up to conversation between barber and customer in next chair
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/who-owns-the-keys-to-your_b_8950242.html
who owns the keys to your apple device? (hint: it may not be you)
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/gerrymandering-strange-maps_us_5a848498e4b0ab6daf454f1e
it's not as easy as you think to spot a gerrymandered map
0
https://local.theonion.com/bailiff-can-t-help-wondering-what-life-would-be-like-on-1819589165
bailiff can't help wondering what life would be like on other side of judge
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/transgender-politicians-around-the-world_us_57337ccae4b0436a18b5aeed
12 history-making transgender politicians from around the world
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/dont-sweat-the-sweat-stuff_b_6915790.html
don't sweat the sweat stuff
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/person-who-clearly-hasn-t-seen-the-fifth-element-argu-1819577515
person who clearly hasn't seen 'the fifth element' arguing there no good roles for women
1
https://politics.theonion.com/romney-this-is-why-they-call-me-turnaround-mitty-from-1819574029
romney: 'this is why they call me turnaround mitty from comeback city'
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/a-history-of-the-future-of-books_us_55b68d6ae4b0224d88334c55
this 1927 essay proves we've always worried about the future of books
0