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https://local.theonion.com/area-man-sorry-hes-late-got-here-as-fast-as-he-could-1819569556
area man sorry he's late, got here as fast as he could
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/nancy-grace-reports-own-mind-now-missing-for-83-days-1819588056
nancy grace reports own mind now missing for 83 days
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/fab-fiction-of-the-summer_b_10784846.html
fab fiction of the summer: the mexican flyboy
0
https://local.theonion.com/townsfolk-strongly-prefer-mans-werewolf-incarnation-1819571869
townsfolk strongly prefer man's werewolf incarnation
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/a-meditation-a-day-keeps-the-money-fears-away_b_6221310.html
a meditation a day keeps the money fears away
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/10-secrets-of-irresistibl_b_8558812.html
10 secrets of irresistible people
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/stress-and-anxiety_b_5251224.html
why your friend doesn't experience stress the same way you do
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/overheard-in-minnesota-do_b_7575462.html
overheard in minnesota, dontcha know?
0
https://www.theonion.com/extra-slanty-italics-introduced-for-extremely-important-1819569095
extra-slanty italics introduced for extremely important words
1
https://www.theonion.com/guy-who-died-playing-league-of-legends-in-internet-ca-1819577762
guy who died playing 'league of legends' in internet café really starting to ruin game for other patrons
1
https://local.theonion.com/man-not-sure-what-to-do-about-vets-request-for-dog-urin-1819566820
man not sure what to do about vet's request for dog-urine sample
1
https://politics.theonion.com/obama-throws-up-right-there-during-syria-meeting-1819575508
obama throws up right there during syria meeting
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mysteryland-2014-set-times_n_5354170.html
mysteryland 2014 set times announced
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/baby-name-dispute_n_7059972.html
couple starts online petition to resolve baby name dispute
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/danny-pintauro-tony-danza-hiv-disappointed_us_560ed687e4b0dd85030bf7f9
danny pintauro clarifies tony danza's 'disappointed' comment: 'he's worried about me more than anything'
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttps://www.thedodo.com/dolphin-helps-baby-breathe-1253773220.html
desperate dolphin mom seen helping her trapped baby breathe
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/sean-spicer-typo-goodbye-email-white-house_us_59a90239e4b0dfaafcef40bf
of course sean spicer's goodbye email contained a typo
0
https://local.theonion.com/freezing-coatless-woman-has-decided-it-is-spring-1819574794
freezing, coatless woman has decided it is spring
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/aquaman-is-a-big-fan-of-trump-pulling-out-of-the-paris-agreement_us_5936d5a0e4b013c4816b7575
aquaman is a big fan of trump pulling out of the paris agreement
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/samantha-bee-gun-control-orlando_us_575fc2e1e4b053d433062c76
samantha bee reacts to orlando massacre with powerful gun control message
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hawaii-missile-alert-investigation_us_5a70a256e4b0ae29f08b667d
state officials fire employee who sent false missile alert in hawaii
0
https://politics.theonion.com/u-s-defense-secretary-i-am-in-love-1819564412
u.s. defense secretary: 'i am in love'
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/apparently-andrew-wk-is-a-healer_us_59e25bb0e4b02e99c58356f6
apparently andrew wk is a healer
0
https://politics.theonion.com/white-house-carefully-screening-any-gun-control-town-ha-1819578509
white house carefully screening any gun control town hall questions that address obama as 'mein führer'
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jd-vance-republican-presidential-nominee-in-2032_us_5a121117e4b0e97dffee1f2c
j.d. vance: republican presidential nominee in 2032?
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/marvels-top-directors-want-lgbt-superheroes-to-save-the-day_us_572a20e2e4b096e9f08fdb9d
marvel's top directors want lgbt superheroes to save the day
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hillary-clinton-primary-challenge_n_6724440.html
hillary clinton and the not too bitter, not too smooth, just right primary
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/afeni-shakur-showed-the-power-of-black-motherhood_us_5728f122e4b0bc9cb044cccd
afeni shakur showed the power of black motherhood
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/making-a-livng-and-a-lovi_b_7464884.html
making a living ... and a loving
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/big-bang-theory-contract-negotiations_n_5635086.html
this is what's delaying 'big bang theory' season 8
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/call-me-maybe-can-i-really-be-quoting-carly-rae-jepsen_us_596bcc83e4b022bb9372b2b8
as i grieve, 'maybe' has become a positive tool to help me find balance
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/william-belli-hey-qween_n_5617875.html
'drag race' star willam opens up about break up of 'boy is a bottom' group
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/what-to-do-about-slums_b_6374660.html
what to do about slums
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/41-photos-of-presidential-pets-over-time_us_5a8f2750e4b0664343557492
41 photos of presidential pets over time
0
https://politics.theonion.com/white-hot-gop-race-down-to-two-mentally-ill-people-per-1819590409
white-hot gop race down to two mentally ill people, person who lost nomination last time
1
https://www.theonion.com/friends-from-home-embarrassing-1819569879
friends from home embarrassing
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/supreme-court-abortion_us_5683e1e7e4b014efe0d9a145
texas puts an 'undue burden' on women's choice, abortion clinics tell supreme court
0
https://www.theonion.com/area-woman-always-has-something-quirky-to-do-1819568379
area woman always has something quirky to do
1
https://www.theonion.com/friendly-note-to-coworker-undergoes-eight-revisions-1819566149
friendly note to coworker undergoes eight revisions
1
https://www.theonion.com/trojan-unveils-new-3-piece-formal-condoms-1819591568
trojan unveils new 3-piece formal condoms
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/my-biggest-leadership-win_b_6426518.html
my biggest leadership win: the day my life stopped working
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/fox-news-roger-ailes-gop-convention_us_578d28ade4b0fa896c3f8a3a
fox news stars at the gop convention really don't want to talk about roger ailes
0
https://www.theonion.com/meteorologists-say-upcoming-hurricane-season-to-be-perm-1819578187
meteorologists say upcoming hurricane season to be permanent
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/harambe-grandma-dead_us_58800bc1e4b00d44838d0234
harambe's grandmother euthanized at miami zoo
0
https://www.theonion.com/frito-lay-targets-blacks-with-new-menthol-doritos-1819564095
frito-lay targets blacks with new menthol doritos
1
https://www.theonion.com/researchers-discover-details-smaller-than-minutiae-1819569883
researchers discover details smaller than minutiae
1
https://local.theonion.com/dive-bombing-osprey-better-emerge-from-lake-with-someth-1819580083
dive-bombing osprey better emerge from lake with something awesome to show for it
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/melissa-wistehuff-stranger-buys-meal-after-toddler-meltdown_us_55b63cb2e4b0074ba5a50785
parents floored by stranger's kind act following their toddler's tantrum
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/man-in-mickey-mouse-suit-obviously-attempted-to-eat-rib-1819590387
man in mickey mouse suit obviously attempted to eat ribs
1
https://local.theonion.com/whitewater-rafting-trip-in-which-friend-drowned-still-p-1819576688
whitewater rafting trip in which friend drowned still pretty fun
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/job-market-recovery-years-away_n_6451810.html
the job market is still years away from a full recovery
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bernie-sanders-hillary-clinton-to-the-left_us_5727d46fe4b0bc9cb0445659
no, bernie sanders has not pushed hillary clinton to the left
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/john-boehner-house-speaker_us_5612bfb6e4b0af3706e196f6
boehner delays leadership elections with gop in turmoil
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/crowd-can-t-believe-balls-on-frontman-who-waited-till-t-1819579449
crowd can't believe balls on frontman who waited till third song to ask them how they're doing
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/white-house-correspondents-dinner-photos_n_7112436.html
see photos from the 2015 white house correspondents' dinner
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jimmy-kimmel-obamacare-repeal-trump_us_59c494cbe4b0cdc7733034b7
kimmel, atop scorched earth, takes aim at trump over health care bill
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/star-wars-shrine-rent_us_5646203ae4b08cda34888fe0
this star wars shrine can now be rented for just $50 a night
0
https://www.theonion.com/nations-uncles-enter-last-stage-of-prep-for-thursdays-t-1819574224
nation's uncles enter last stage of prep for thursday's thanksgiving debates
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/dating-over-50_b_6264438.html
the rudest thing you can do on a first date
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/several-people-injured-in-car-incident-near-london-museum-police_us_59d8e167e4b072637c444e85
several people injured in car incident near london museum
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bill-cosby-lawyers-blast-media-over-assault-drugging-reports_us_55aef6b5e4b07af29d56c62a
bill cosby lawyers blast media over assault, drugging reports
0
https://politics.theonion.com/government-publications-enthusiast-makes-pilgrimage-to-1819565821
government-publications enthusiast makes pilgrimage to pueblo, co
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mess-the-series_us_580135fde4b0e8c198a818af
new series examines what it means to be gay and hiv positive in 2016
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/brad-pitt-weatherman-so-scared_us_5ae94ce3e4b06748dc8d7b20
brad pitt's despondent weatherman is 'so, so, so, so scared' right now
0
https://www.theonion.com/high-school-teacher-constantly-using-janitor-as-example-1819566743
high-school teacher constantly using janitor as example
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/scott-israel-florida-sheriff-nra-dana-loesch-cnn_us_5a8e50f4e4b0617d4639e009
florida sheriff rebukes nra spokeswoman who claims she's 'fighting' for shooting survivors
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/chicago-aviation-officers-fired-united-airlines-dragging_us_59e680c7e4b00905bdad5775
2 officers fired, 2 suspended for violently dragging doctor off united flight
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hoda-kotb-replaces-matt-lauer_us_5a4b7859e4b0b0e5a7a8869b
hoda kotb replaces matt lauer as 'today' co-anchor
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/islamic-state-fighter-from-us-reportedly-in-custody-in-iraq_us_56e6a0e6e4b0860f99d97407
islamic state fighter from u.s. reportedly in custody in iraq
0
https://www.theonion.com/shit-caked-urine-soaked-man-determined-to-enjoy-carniv-1819574547
shit-caked, urine-soaked man determined to enjoy carnival cruise
1
https://sports.theonion.com/congressman-picked-last-for-committee-on-youth-fitness-1819565799
congressman picked last for committee on youth fitness
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/metoo-and-legitimate-rape_us_5a0bdc5be4b06d8966cf33c0
#metoo and "legitimate rape"
0
https://www.theonion.com/blogger-takes-few-moments-every-morning-to-decide-wheth-1819578040
blogger takes few moments every morning to decide whether to feel outraged, incensed, or shocked by day's news
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/protest-sparks-after-black-man-shot-by-police-in-minneapolis_us_5649ec33e4b060377349ce64
protest sparks after black man shot by police in minneapolis
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/weinstein-company-bankruptcy_us_5ab0c136e4b0e862383ae3f5
weinstein company files for bankruptcy after sale talks collapse
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/gone-girl-review_n_5891606.html
now that we've seen 'gone girl,' does it live up to expectations?
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/c-suite-men-stepping-down-for-work-life-balance-is-no-step-forward_b_6905592.html
c-suite men stepping down for 'work-life balance' is no step forward
0
https://www.theonion.com/caller-enters-remote-backwaters-of-1-800-automated-mess-1819577316
caller enters remote backwaters of 1-800 automated messaging system
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/new-jersey-casino-waitress-weight_us_55fc22e5e4b0fde8b0cde540
atlantic city casino can regulate waitresses' weight, ruling says
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/once-again-can-a-mission_b_6779886.html
once again: can a mission-driven nonprofit be blindsided?
0
https://politics.theonion.com/mitt-romney-graciously-accepts-thing-he-has-paid-millio-1819590830
mitt romney graciously accepts thing he has paid millions of dollars for
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/dnc-education_us_579b7626e4b0693164c0f8fd
at dnc, democrats spoke out on a topic that republicans mostly avoided
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/dating-as-a-poet_b_6280476.html
what it's like to date when you're a poet
0
https://www.theonion.com/entire-treasury-department-competing-for-same-goldman-s-1819577719
entire treasury department competing for same goldman sachs job opening
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/a-tribute-to-david-goldberg_b_7422588.html
a tribute to david goldberg: entrepreneur, connector, mensch
0
https://www.theonion.com/netanyahu-begins-calling-for-israeli-return-to-ancient-1825925581
netanyahu begins calling for israeli return to ancient homeland of iran
1
https://politics.theonion.com/topeka-mayor-now-highest-ranking-non-indicted-republica-1819568136
topeka mayor now highest-ranking non-indicted republican official
1
https://politics.theonion.com/trump-appointed-judicial-nominee-displays-legal-experti-1821430191
trump-appointed judicial nominee displays legal expertise by withdrawing nomination
1
https://www.theonion.com/casinos-getting-people-to-play-longer-by-telling-them-r-1819576415
casinos getting people to play longer by telling them rest of civilization destroyed
1
https://www.theonion.com/realistic-day-planner-only-includes-first-couple-weeks-1819579488
realistic day planner only includes first couple weeks after purchase
1
https://local.theonion.com/high-school-nurse-getting-pretty-good-at-spotting-morni-1819578615
high school nurse getting pretty good at spotting morning sickness
1
https://www.theonion.com/king-of-comedy-s-death-ignites-100-year-war-for-throne-1819589098
king of comedy's death ignites 100-year war for throne
1
https://www.theonion.com/woman-puts-cool-whip-containers-to-every-conceivable-us-1819566072
woman puts cool whip containers to every conceivable use
1
https://www.theonion.com/windows-opened-on-both-coasts-in-effort-to-create-trans-1819572815
windows opened on both coasts in effort to create transcontinental cross-breeze
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/us-scientists-win-nobel-medicine-prize-for-body-clock-research_us_59d27cefe4b0f9629888ffa2
u.s. scientists win nobel medicine prize for body clock research
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/troy-aikman-worried-about-his-health_us_56a937d3e4b0016489223c5c
troy aikman: i 'knock on wood' hoping i stay healthy after concussions
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jimmy-kimmel-donald-trump-typos_us_5ab335cfe4b054d118df9729
jimmy kimmel finally answers the question: is trump 'crazy or just dumb?'
0
https://www.theonion.com/albanian-village-bombed-forward-into-stone-age-1819564636
albanian village bombed forward into stone age
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2015/10/29/452835099/npr-acknowledges-plagiarism-in-10-music-stories
npr acknowledges plagiarism in 10 music stories
0
https://politics.theonion.com/democratic-congressman-protests-trumps-environmental-po-1822559477
democratic congressman protests trump's environmental policies by bringing endangered red wolf to state of the union as guest
1