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https://local.theonion.com/uptight-matron-enjoys-handful-of-pills-1819563888
uptight matron enjoys handful of pills
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/white-house-correspondents-dinner_n_5234871.html
obama readies for his big whcd night
0
https://www.theonion.com/23andme-forensic-kit-informs-customer-what-crimes-he-s-1823461487
23andme forensic kit informs customer what crimes he's committed
1
https://local.theonion.com/5-year-old-feels-like-she-just-wasted-whole-carousel-ri-1819574178
5-year-old feels like she just wasted whole carousel ride waving to dad
1
https://www.theonion.com/nasa-delays-shuttle-launch-out-of-sheer-habit-1819586835
nasa delays shuttle launch out of sheer habit
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/man-moonwalks-europe_us_57eac433e4b024a52d2b15ed
guy moonwalks through 27 european landmarks, because why not?
0
https://www.theonion.com/first-grader-reeks-of-urine-1819564914
first-grader reeks of urine
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/martin-luther-king-st-bernard-parish_us_55dd3191e4b08cd3359dde05
'not racist' guy says honoring mlk will make him show 'racist ways'
0
https://www.theonion.com/american-girl-recalls-50-000-dolls-with-chainsaws-for-h-1822413944
american girl recalls 50,000 dolls with chainsaws for hands
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/2017-silent-no-longer_us_5a202959e4b02edd56c6d75c
2017: silent no longer
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/obama-climate-legacy-election_us_57fc7dace4b0e655eab74e25
we need a president who will continue obama's climate legacy -- not destroy it
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-turns-miners-lives-into-a-game-of-russian-roulette_us_5a0df74fe4b0764d5e5110ce
trump turns miners' lives into a game of russian roulette
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://thinkprogress.org/justice/2015/10/07/3709919/tweets-nra-oregon-shooting/
5 indefensible tweets from the nra since the oregon gun massacre
0
https://local.theonion.com/man-abuses-child-quietly-out-of-respect-for-other-diner-1819570993
man abuses child quietly out of respect for other diners
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-challenge-of-grief_us_586a4856e4b04d7df167d61c
the challenge of grief
0
https://www.theonion.com/single-parent-families-get-a-rating-from-drug-kingpin-1819564109
single-parent families get 'a' rating ,from drug kingpin
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/planned-parenthood-video-birth-control-_n_5805952.html
planned parenthood offers virtual visits, will deliver birth control to your door
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mitch-mcconnell-merrick-garland-supreme-court_us_586d6720e4b0c4be0af2bd3a
mitch mcconnell says americans won't tolerate democrats blocking supreme court nominations
0
https://politics.theonion.com/illinois-supreme-court-deems-rahm-emanuel-sleazy-enough-1819572148
illinois supreme court deems rahm emanuel sleazy enough to run for mayor of chicago
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/fresh-prince-reunion_n_6510288.html
will smith and alfonso ribeiro had a 'fresh prince' reunion
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/john-avildsen-director-dead-obituary_us_5944ef62e4b06bb7d2735f12
john avildsen, oscar-winning director of 'rocky,' dead at 81
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bernie-sanders-gun-law-aurora_us_5626a0a8e4b0bce34702ac2d
bernie sanders to discuss gun law with parents of aurora shooting victim
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/republicans-obamacare-repeal-and-delay_us_583dcd72e4b04b66c01c024b
republicans argue whether obamacare repeal-and-delay strategy will work
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jerry-brown-mitch-mcconnell_n_6919168.html
california governor says mitch mcconnell's pro-coal effort 'borders on the immoral'
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/north-carolina-community_b_10155638.html
north carolina community takes on anti-muslim activist
0
https://local.theonion.com/woman-fulfills-manifest-destiny-of-hardwood-floor-throu-1819577321
woman fulfills manifest destiny of hardwood floor throughout home
1
https://www.theonion.com/kids-love-when-mom-sad-enough-to-just-order-pizza-1819577821
kids love when mom sad enough to just order pizza
1
https://politics.theonion.com/u-s-capitol-cleaning-turns-up-long-lost-constitution-1819566774
u.s. capitol cleaning turns up long-lost constitution
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hamilton-mixtape-immigrants-video_us_5953ce88e4b0da2c73205a48
immigrants, they get the job done in amazing new 'hamilton mixtape' video
0
https://www.theonion.com/obama-reminds-nation-that-he-s-taking-personal-day-next-1819578792
obama reminds nation that he's taking personal day next friday
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/senators-target-climate-change-denial_us_57856398e4b0867123dececc
senators target the 'many-headed dragon' of climate change denial
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/nbc-admits-to-never-actually-making-an-episode-of-chuck-1819571451
nbc admits to never actually making an episode of 'chuck'
1
https://politics.theonion.com/hope-hicks-praying-she-not-still-in-same-shitty-job-by-1819580316
hope hicks praying she not still in same shitty job by time she hits 30
1
https://www.theonion.com/historical-archives-humor-in-shackles-1819570232
historical archives: humor in shackles
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mark-wahlberg-god-forgive-movie-role_us_59ef19c9e4b0d14acdcc5d6b
mark wahlberg prays god will forgive him for this movie role
0
https://local.theonion.com/area-veal-calf-is-totally-cramped-1819586103
area veal calf is totally cramped!
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-puerto-rico-paper-towels_us_59da65a3e4b046f5ad9904c6
donald trump revels in recounting the 'very good towels' he threw to hurricane victims
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/solitaire-25th-anniversary-microsoft-tournament_n_7310488.html
microsoft's solitaire is turning 25!
0
https://local.theonion.com/everything-you-worked-so-hard-for-lying-in-splinters-at-1819565746
everything you worked so hard for lying in splinters at your feet
1
https://local.theonion.com/philandering-string-theorist-can-explain-everything-1819568064
philandering string theorist can explain everything
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mens-mental-health-demands-male-friendship_us_57de0e45e4b04fa361d99c22
men's mental health demands male friendship
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/huffpost-rise-morning-newsbrief-apr-8_us_57074331e4b0c4e26a224eba
huffpost rise: what you need to know on april 8
0
https://local.theonion.com/peeping-tom-tired-of-watching-people-watch-television-1819566120
peeping tom tired of watching people watch television
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/should-you-marry-that-guy_b_7173288.html
should you marry that guy?
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ruth-bader-ginsburg-msnbc_n_6697970.html
ruth bader ginsburg: abortion restrictions mostly hurt poor women
0
https://www.theonion.com/usda-rolls-out-new-school-brunch-program-for-wealthier-1819574886
usda rolls out new school brunch program for wealthier school districts
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/texas-bill-would-allow-obs-to-withhold-information-from-pregnant-women_us_58b85e8de4b01fc1bde6b9fc
texas bill would allow obs to withhold information from pregnant women
0
https://local.theonion.com/area-man-committed-to-being-spicy-food-guy-1819570122
area man committed to being spicy food guy
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/haiti-red-cross_b_7548084.html
our cross to bear
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/a-taste-of-proper-fun-bermuda_b_6548654.html
a taste of proper fun: bermuda
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/rightist-critics-of-pope_b_7418140.html
rightist critics of pope francis
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/underwear-with-workout-leggings_us_5addfb5de4b0b2e81131e82f
should you be wearing underwear with your workout leggings?
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/matthew-mcconaughey-fake-australian-accent_us_585ceffae4b0eb586485f431
matthew mcconaughey once faked an australian accent for an entire year
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/democratic-national-convention-live-stream_us_579a32e6e4b01180b5321993
watch the 2016 democratic national convention live
0
https://www.theonion.com/olay-introduces-new-line-of-pre-moisturized-skin-1819578604
olay introduces new line of pre-moisturized skin
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/does-obstruction-of-justice-trump-possible-russian_us_591bd3a9e4b021dd5a828ff8
does obstruction of justice trump possible russian collusion?
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/huffpost-rise-morning-newsbrief-mar-11_us_56e27182e4b065e2e3d58747
huffpost rise: what you need to know on march 11
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jimmy-fallon-everything-is-mama-book_us_594bd1b6e4b0a3a837bd9652
jimmy fallon announces new children's book
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/olympic-thrills-and-a-few-chills-on-a-summer-puget_us_599c6ea5e4b0521e90cfb592
olympic thrills, and a few chills, on a summer puget sound adventure
0
https://local.theonion.com/overworked-pajama-bottoms-pray-owner-gets-job-soon-1821390651
overworked pajama bottoms pray owner gets job soon
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/pope-francis-tenure-short_n_6867524.html
pope francis says his time as pope will be short, misses pizza
0
https://www.theonion.com/study-coffee-drinkers-at-far-higher-risk-of-having-mug-1824281911
study: coffee drinkers at far higher risk of having mug crash to floor in slow motion after hearing their father is dead
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/middlebrow-making-a-murderer-true-crime_us_568d4530e4b0c8beacf5295d
what gets lost when a real murder becomes an entertainment craze
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/migrant-children-uninvited-immigration_b_5673300.html
migrant children, uninvited guests, and welcoming the stranger
0
https://politics.theonion.com/epa-to-drop-e-p-from-name-1819567767
epa to drop 'e,' 'p' from name
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/not-forgotten-the-health-rights-of-rohingya-women_us_5a0343dee4b0204d0c171374
not forgotten: the health and rights of rohingya women and girls
0
https://local.theonion.com/mad-lib-filled-with-swears-1819566250
mad lib filled with swears
1
https://www.theonion.com/willow-rented-1819586458
willow rented
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/medical-professionals-fact-check-greys-anatomy-sex-scenes_us_5af1f004e4b041fd2d2bcd59
medical professionals fact-check 'grey's anatomy' sex scenes
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://www.kare11.com/story/news/health/2015/08/11/businesses-training---alzheimers-friendly/31486521/
businesses training to be alzheimer's friendly
0
https://local.theonion.com/95-96-prayers-finally-answered-1819569402
'95-'96 prayers finally answered
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jose-marquez-bullet-shot-in-gun-barrel_us_5787c95ee4b03fc3ee4fcf8e
officer's life saved when he shoots bullet directly into suspect's gun
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/tim-scott-family-racism_us_5787fd89e4b08608d333c56d
gop senator: my family went from 'cotton to congress in a lifetime'
0
https://www.theonion.com/geopolitical-balance-of-power-somehow-unaffected-by-dea-1819564429
geopolitical balance of power somehow unaffected by death of princess
1
https://local.theonion.com/guys-entire-job-just-asking-people-if-they-have-time-fo-1819574667
guy's entire job just asking people if they have time for a quick chat
1
https://www.theonion.com/breakup-letter-taped-to-baby-1819588419
breakup letter taped to baby
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/sea-lion-dies-oil-spill_n_7429458.html
sea lion rescued from santa barbara oil spill dies at seaworld
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/illustrations-syrian-child-refugees_us_595b8d1de4b05c37bb801f80
illustrators depict the everyday items giving hope to child refugees
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bacteria-in-ground-beef-burgers_us_55db37f3e4b0a40aa3ab6f28
your backyard burgers are bursting with gross bacteria
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kate-middleton-birth-announcement-dress_us_5ade118ae4b036e7aeb53859
where to find the duchess of cambridge's birth announcement dress
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/phelps-face-recreates_us_57c9273ae4b0e60d31dea4ea
michael phelps recreates his 'angry michael phelps face' on 'the tonight show'
0
https://local.theonion.com/parents-password-a-grotesque-combination-of-children-s-1819578888
parents' password a grotesque combination of children's names, birthdays
1
https://local.theonion.com/man-wistfully-looks-around-website-he-hasn-t-visited-fo-1819577435
man wistfully looks around website he hasn't visited for 30 minutes
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/magical-afro-puffs-comic_n_7248254.html
how one mom taught her 7-year-old daughter to accept her natural beauty
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/iran-election-turnout_us_591f748ce4b094cdba543144
iran counts votes after big turnout in presidential election
0
https://local.theonion.com/baby-boring-1819567174
baby boring
1
https://politics.theonion.com/2024-financial-collapse-passes-house-258-159-1826263862
2024 financial collapse passes house 258-159
1
https://www.theonion.com/study-this-descended-from-wolves-1819591536
study: this descended from wolves
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/czech-lebanon_us_55aa8c23e4b0d2ded39f2f60
mystery as five czech tourists disappear in lebanese wine country
0
https://local.theonion.com/deeply-held-conviction-immediately-dropped-after-friend-1819576442
deeply held conviction immediately dropped after friend half-heartedly disagrees
1
https://www.theonion.com/pictures-of-smiling-group-of-people-taken-where-john-le-1819573707
pictures of smiling group of people taken where john lennon was murdered
1
https://www.theonion.com/merger-of-advertising-giants-brings-together-largest-co-1819575330
merger of advertising giants brings together largest collection of people with no discernible skills
1
https://www.theonion.com/transportation-secretary-calls-for-200-billion-in-fund-1819578512
transportation secretary calls for $200 billion in funding to repair nation's rickety wooden bridges
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jonathan-rhys-meyers-apologizes_n_7445462.html
jonathan rhys meyers apologizes after troubling photos emerge
0
https://local.theonion.com/several-probably-killed-in-shooting-lazy-police-report-1819571232
several probably killed in shooting, lazy police report confirms
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/free-marijuana-berkeley_n_5770256.html
city offers free pot for the poor
0
https://www.theonion.com/area-russian-to-hug-you-1819589083
area russian to hug you
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/despite-regional-differences_b_5397444.html
despite regional differences, women across the globe face same career advancement challenges
0
https://www.theonion.com/doctors-no-closer-to-cure-for-old-person-smell-1819565053
doctors no closer to cure for old-person smell
1
https://www.theonion.com/brain-games-recalls-thousands-of-defective-word-puzzl-1823158680
'brain games' recalls thousands of defective word puzzles that gave users alzheimer's
1