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https://www.theonion.com/detective-endangers-own-life-by-looking-forward-to-upco-1819564207
detective endangers own life by looking forward to upcoming retirement
1
https://www.theonion.com/man-born-to-party-dies-partying-1819567155
man born to party dies partying
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/7th-heaven-celebrates-100th-underage-drinking-episode-1819568640
7th heaven celebrates 100th underage drinking episode
1
https://politics.theonion.com/ryan-chugs-down-rhino-horn-and-bull-semen-shake-for-mid-1819574030
ryan chugs down rhino horn and bull semen shake for mid-debate boost
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/costco-shoplifting-caught-on-camera_us_5aaf0ed2e4b0c33361b1c199
world's dumbest shoplifters literally run into the police at costco
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/you-are-enough_b_7183878.html
you are enough
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/texas-gov-rick-perry-indi_b_5684283.html
texas gov. rick perry indicted for wearing hipster glasses
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/twitter-took-a-much-needed-break-from-the-world-to-addcandytoamovie_us_59e64d6ee4b00905bdad0cd2
twitter took a much-needed break from the world to #addcandytoamovie
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/prince-george-princess-charlotte-pippa-wedding_us_591eeceee4b03b485cb0d854
prince george and princess charlotte steal the show at pippa middleton's wedding
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/supreme-court-lethal-injection_us_55e06ec6e4b0aec9f352e885
the supreme court has had enough of the lethal injection debate
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/taraji-kerry-and-mary-j-redefine-squad-goals-in-new-apple-commercial_us_560003d3e4b0fde8b0cedc42
taraji, kerry and mary j. redefine squad goals in new apple commercial
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/rising-tides-and-the-ignored-plight-of-being-boatless_us_59a6b80ce4b05fa16286be7c
'a rising tide lifts all boats,' but the boatless are left to suffer
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/horse-racing-tested_b_5253108.html
horse racing tested by the test of the champion
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/call-bullshit-just-because-they-say-it-doesnt-mean-its-true_b_8439042.html
call bulls#!t: just because they say it, doesn't mean it's true
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/consumption-of-buncha-crunch-reverently-paused-during-u-1819577429
consumption of buncha crunch reverently paused during unsettling scenes of 'american sniper'
1
https://www.theonion.com/mans-streak-of-getting-great-parking-spot-ends-at-37-1819568399
man's streak of getting great parking spot ends at 37
1
https://www.theonion.com/q-tips-introduces-new-multi-speed-electric-ear-swab-1819578144
q-tips introduces new multi-speed electric ear swab
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/net-neutrality_n_6519456.html
republicans wage last-minute campaign to undermine net neutrality rules
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/taylor-swift-best-friends-wedding_us_56c9e41ee4b041136f175c7b
taylor swift was 'the happiest maid of honor ever' at her best friend's wedding
0
https://www.theonion.com/ford-recalls-2010-mustang-for-being-too-cool-1819571317
ford recalls 2010 mustang for being too cool
1
https://local.theonion.com/child-subjected-to-elaborate-hairdo-1819565827
child subjected to elaborate hairdo
1
https://www.theonion.com/author-of-introduction-to-algebra-recalls-textbook-be-1823273519
author of 'introduction to algebra' recalls textbook being rejected by 12 publishers before getting accepted
1
https://www.theonion.com/study-finds-health-benefits-associated-with-seriously-c-1819579558
study finds health benefits associated with seriously considering going vegetarian for a while now
1
https://politics.theonion.com/gore-mauled-by-aquatic-mammal-1819586362
gore mauled by aquatic mammal
1
https://www.theonion.com/nuclear-warhead-thrilled-for-chance-to-finally-escape-n-1819579517
nuclear warhead thrilled for chance to finally escape north korea
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/man-travels-to-historic-art-locations-just-to-paint-the-patterns-on-his-shirts_us_58c7fec8e4b081a56def7683
man travels to historic art locations just to paint the patterns on his shirts
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/san-francisco-pride-hate-crimes_n_5556250.html
police investigating two possible hate crimes from sf pride weekend
0
https://www.theonion.com/zip-loc-introduces-new-party-sub-sandwich-baggies-1819592819
zip-loc introduces new party sub sandwich baggies
1
https://www.theonion.com/wedding-guest-in-suspenders-bow-tie-unafraid-to-take-d-1819592350
wedding guest in suspenders, bow tie unafraid to take dance floor
1
https://local.theonion.com/guy-who-used-drawing-of-self-on-dating-website-must-be-1819590128
guy who used drawing of self on dating website must be fun and also attractive
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/alicia-keys-first-photo-baby-genesis_n_6775230.html
see the first photo of alicia keys' baby boy!
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/exclusive-look-inside-the_n_7197394.html
exclusive look inside the baltimore police investigation into freddie gray's death
0
https://www.theonion.com/kim-jong-un-comes-out-in-support-of-gay-marriage-im-no-1819574740
kim jong-un comes out in support of gay marriage: 'i'm not a monster'
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/government-shutdown-live-updates_us_5a661715e4b002283005294e
read live updates on the government shutdown
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mass-protests-planned-if-trump-fires-rosenstein-click-click-c_us_5ad0d867e4b077c89ce83272
mass protests planned if trump fires deputy attorney general rosenstein
0
https://www.theonion.com/georgia-adds-swastika-middle-finger-to-state-flag-1819586548
georgia adds swastika, middle finger to state flag
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/woody-allen-says-harvey-weinstein-scandal-is-very-sad-for-everyone-involved_us_59e38b0be4b0a52aca18a8f1
woody allen says harvey weinstein scandal is 'very sad for everyone involved'
0
https://local.theonion.com/entire-conversation-with-parents-spent-changing-the-sub-1819577065
entire conversation with parents spent changing the subject
1
https://www.theonion.com/fruit-of-islam-cause-man-to-soil-fruit-of-looms-1819587736
fruit of islam cause man to soil fruit of looms
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/growing-up-in-transylvani_b_5862708.html
growing up in transylvania
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/best-signs-equality-march-resist-march_us_593d980be4b0b13f2c6b7f09
here are some of the best signs from the equality and resist marches
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/lady-gaga-kidnaps-commissioner-gordon-1819571641
lady gaga kidnaps commissioner gordon
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/post_8939_b_6586400.html
black or white? let's talk about gray
0
https://politics.theonion.com/disgusted-robert-mueller-eats-2-20-piece-chicken-mcnugg-1819580164
disgusted robert mueller eats 2 20-piece chicken mcnugget meals in one sitting in attempt to get into trump's mind
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/harris-county-shooting_n_5572544.html
6 dead, including 4 kids, in mass shooting near houston
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/beer-drinking-countries_n_5870560.html
how much beer the world drinks, in 1 interactive globe
0
https://politics.theonion.com/candidates-annoyed-to-have-to-take-stance-on-zinc-minin-1819570297
candidates annoyed to have to take stance on zinc mining
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/goblin-shark-caught_n_5263131.html
rare shark accidentally caught by fisherman
0
https://www.theonion.com/comedy-cellar-holds-night-for-male-comedians-to-worksho-1820766139
comedy cellar holds night for male comedians to workshop sexual harassment apologies
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/paul-ryan-house-speaker_us_5630ce54e4b0c66bae5a3bfc
gop picks paul ryan for house speaker
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ivan-fandino-goring-death_us_59471988e4b06bb7d2741b84
matador fatally gored after he trips on cape in french bullring (warning: graphic video)
0
https://www.theonion.com/500-stereo-installed-in-400-car-1819586849
$500 stereo installed in $400 car
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/tourist-scams-what-to-kno_b_5234416.html
tourist scams, part 3: what to know before you go
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/tom-crabtree-cte-tweets_us_55fc5ed1e4b08820d9188b1b
ex-nfl player laments not knowing about cte prior to football career
0
https://local.theonion.com/how-was-local-man-to-know-carol-channings-niece-was-aro-1819566699
how was local man to know carol channing's niece was around?
1
https://www.theonion.com/report-some-people-live-in-pennsylvania-1819575831
report: some people live in pennsylvania
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/what-happened-to-americas-first-muslims_b_6809326.html
what happened to america's first muslims?
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kids-as-crash-test-dummie_b_6007676.html
kids as crash test dummies: brownback outsources child support services to donor
0
https://www.theonion.com/defunded-planned-parenthood-reassures-supporters-it-has-1819578353
defunded planned parenthood reassures supporters it has enough fetus cash to keep going
1
https://local.theonion.com/man-carefully-selects-t-shirt-for-night-out-1819565553
man carefully selects t-shirt for night out
1
https://www.theonion.com/historical-archives-a-jest-for-you-1819570243
historical archives: a jest for you
1
https://www.theonion.com/police-seek-poorly-drawn-man-1819566516
police seek poorly drawn man
1
https://www.theonion.com/frothing-alex-jones-claims-sexual-harassment-part-of-wo-1823441287
frothing alex jones claims sexual harassment part of worldwide imbalance in gender power dynamics
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/orlandos-number-two-anima_b_6589986.html
orlando's number-two animal attraction, behind disney
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/rudy-giuliani-president-has-to-testify_us_5af3b511e4b0859d11d03279
watch 1998 rudy giuliani completely torpedo 2018 rudy giuliani's trump arguments
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-first-3-simple-steps-to-restart-your-life_us_577a22b9e4b00a3ae4ce39f6
3 simple steps to restart your life
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/sean-spicer-off-camera-briefing-press-secretaries_us_595403a3e4b02734df2f9f32
two former press secretaries have some advice for sean spicer
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://pubx.co/e441n6
7 tips to exchange gifts and save stress, money
0
https://local.theonion.com/man-tinkering-with-anecdote-set-list-before-next-date-1819577168
man tinkering with anecdote set list before next date
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/joe-scarborough-donald-trump-racist_us_57581906e4b0e39a28abf765
joe scarborough to donald trump: you're acting like a racist bigot
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/rest-in-peace-zeus-dog_n_5806946.html
rest in peace zeus, world's tallest pooch
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/you-can-now-buy-icky-trump-shirts-thanks-to-the-white-stripes_us_57f69102e4b0c1a524cbe22e
you can now buy 'icky trump' t-shirts thanks to the white stripes
0
https://www.theonion.com/report-climate-change-to-force-people-to-double-ice-cr-1819578171
report: climate change to force people to double ice cream consumption speed by 2050
1
https://www.theonion.com/corporate-merger-renders-thousands-of-coffee-mugs-obsol-1819589667
corporate merger renders thousands of coffee mugs obsolete
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/miley-cyrus-duck-face-oxygen-mask_n_5179049.html
miley cyrus keeps her sense of humor amid hospitalization
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/samantha-bee-nra-halloween-costumes_us_59e5bbd3e4b02a215b329e9b
samantha bee rips nra-beholden senators with spoof halloween costumes
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-pocahontas-elizabeth-warren-native-americans_us_5a1c6bd6e4b087444df23562
trump brings back 'pocahontas' slur of elizabeth warren at event for native american veterans
0
https://www.theonion.com/rate-of-uninformed-conversations-about-navy-seals-skyro-1819572625
rate of uninformed conversations about navy seals skyrockets
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/lies-about-paris-_n_6564210.html
10 lies everyone tells you about paris
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/georgia-toff-toffolo-sexism-im-a-celebrity_us_5a2bc3f2e4b0a290f0510bd9
u.k. reality tv contestant fiercely shuts down co-stars' sexist comments
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/yes-but-how-did-he-die-ghoulish-american-public-ask-1819579804
'yes, but how did he die?' ghoulish american public asks of recent celebrity death while rubbing delicate, bony hands together and smiling thinly
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mike-pence-donald-trump-russia-hacking_us_587b93a2e4b09281d0eb619f
mike pence claims there was no contact between russia and trump during the campaign
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/matt-gaetz-haiti-sheet-metal-and-garbage_us_5a5eb8bce4b00a7f171b93f8
gop lawmaker matt gaetz slams haiti: 'sheet metal and garbage' everywhere you look
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/willi-dorners-bodies-in-u_b_5746104.html
willi dorner's 'bodies in urban spaces' (video)
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/cannibal-cop-conviction-overturned_us_566078ebe4b08e945fee5836
court rules 'cannibal cop' can fantasize about whatever he wants
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/california-travel-ban-lgbtq_us_594d7c22e4b02734df2a71ae
california extends state worker travel ban to 4 'discriminatory' states
0
https://www.theonion.com/glowing-ahmadinejad-i-am-the-nuclear-weapon-weve-been-1819573955
glowing ahmadinejad: 'i am the nuclear weapon we've been building'
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hannity-kimmel-feud_us_5ac82361e4b07a3485e4cc79
hannity rips jimmy kimmel in off-the-rails feud as 'twisted, creepy weirdo"
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/michelle-obama-my-proudest-achievement-as-first-lady-is-my-daughters_us_57617434e4b05e4be8605b9d
michelle obama: my proudest achievement as first lady is my daughters
0
https://local.theonion.com/man-knows-unsettling-amount-about-nationwide-age-of-con-1819565878
man knows unsettling amount about nationwide age-of-consent laws
1
https://www.theonion.com/eyes-removed-in-violent-yearbook-attack-1819565426
eyes removed in violent yearbook attack
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/9-nitty-gritty-organizing_b_6327742.html
9 nitty-gritty organizing tips
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/piers-morgan-paternity-leave-parents_n_7235250.html
piers morgan just pissed off a lot of parents with paternity leave comments
0
https://www.theonion.com/parents-seize-creative-control-of-3rd-grade-art-project-1819574908
parents seize creative control of 3rd-grade art project
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/poll-candidate-expected-win-clinton_us_5787c63de4b08608d33379be
unusual polling question reveals which candidate is more likely to win in november
0
https://www.theonion.com/report-nation-spends-50-billion-annually-to-get-kids-1819578335
report: nation spends $50 billion annually to get kids excited about things
1
https://www.theonion.com/man-in-suit-slams-fist-on-desk-1819569670
man in suit slams fist on desk
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/napping-myths_us_567af70ce4b014efe0d7de66
5 things everyone gets wrong about napping
0
https://local.theonion.com/area-dad-stares-longingly-at-covered-grill-in-backyard-1819578520
area dad stares longingly at covered grill in backyard
1
https://www.theonion.com/palm-tree-fires-off-warning-coconut-1819590582
palm tree fires off warning coconut
1