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https://local.theonion.com/salvadoran-earthquake-registers-0-2-on-local-mans-consc-1819565874
salvadoran earthquake registers 0.2 on local man's consciousness
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/congo-protests-strike_us_58038436e4b0162c043c7c55
congo postpones elections as opposition calls for general strike
0
https://www.theonion.com/target-pulls-all-sponsorship-from-publicly-ignored-syri-1819573876
target pulls all sponsorship from publicly ignored syrian conflict
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hillary-clinton-bernie-sanders_us_575346eae4b0ed593f14a6ff
hillary clinton and bernie sanders vie for california's support
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/no-i-didnt-fall-in-love-with-my-son-the-first-moment_us_5a04b993e4b055de8d096b84
no, i didn't fall in love with my son the first moment i met him
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/reflections-from-ivy-day_b_7001174.html
reflections from ivy day
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/white-house-syria-chemical-attack_us_5951f094e4b02734df2cfa29
white house warns syria against launching another chemical weapons attack
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/08/how-new-orleans-proved-education-reform-can-work.html
how new orleans proved urban-education reform can work
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://money.cnn.com/2015/11/24/media/laquan-mcdonald-shooting-video-newsroom-decisions/index.html?iid=Lead
newsrooms make varying calls about airing mcdonald shooting video
0
https://www.theonion.com/skeleton-of-mayan-nerd-dug-from-prehistoric-locker-1819568058
skeleton of mayan nerd dug from prehistoric locker
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/cornel-west-obama-posed-a_n_5705261.html
cornel west: obama 'posed as a progressive & turned out to be counterfeit'
0
https://politics.theonion.com/i-ll-have-to-obstruct-one-last-thing-whispers-jared-1821016686
'i'll have to obstruct one last thing,' whispers jared kushner before wrapping gloved hands around mueller's neck
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mindfulness-in-your-20s-how-to-use-gratitude-for-happiness_b_7547766.html
mindfulness in your 20s: how to use gratitude as fuel for happiness
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/publicist-s-single-dream-in-life-for-nation-to-have-wes-1819575337
publicist's single dream in life for nation to have wes bentley fever
1
https://www.theonion.com/nsa-can-somebody-good-at-computers-help-us-1819579160
nsa: 'can somebody good at computers help us?'
1
https://www.theonion.com/life-unfair-1819564293
life unfair
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/president-obama-pretty-su_b_7143154.html
president obama: pretty sure jesus isn't cool with the drones
0
https://www.theonion.com/john-ashcroft-frolics-in-secret-vault-of-winnie-the-poo-1819587033
john ashcroft frolics in secret vault of winnie-the-pooh toys
1
https://www.theonion.com/commerce-secretary-urges-nation-to-get-in-on-piece-of-t-1819578008
commerce secretary urges nation to get in on piece of the action
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/suspected-possible-ebola-italy_n_5789534.html
possible ebola case investigated in italy
0
https://www.theonion.com/hubble-telescope-desperately-struggling-to-contact-nasa-1820004507
hubble telescope desperately struggling to contact nasa after witnessing murder on ganymede
1
https://www.theonion.com/atari-releases-updated-adventure-video-game-1819587832
atari releases updated adventure video game
1
https://www.theonion.com/area-man-still-talking-about-crazy-productive-afternoon-1819578061
area man still talking about crazy productive afternoon 4 months ago
1
https://politics.theonion.com/crowd-at-trump-rally-realizes-they-ve-been-chanting-we-1819578955
crowd at trump rally realizes they've been chanting 'we are frightened and helpless' for last half hour
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/california-democratic-primary-polls_us_57556bcfe4b0c3752dce06f1
huffpollster: california's democratic primary looks closer than ever
0
https://local.theonion.com/woman-with-sore-throat-thinks-it-might-be-anthrax-1819566210
woman with sore throat thinks it might be anthrax
1
https://www.theonion.com/opera-ends-on-unexpected-high-note-1822087332
opera ends on unexpected high note
1
https://local.theonion.com/hungover-man-horrified-to-learn-he-made-dozens-of-plans-1819578010
hungover man horrified to learn he made dozens of plans last night
1
https://www.theonion.com/bianchi-introduces-new-bike-for-blocking-commuters-on-s-1819579824
bianchi introduces new bike for blocking commuters on subway during rush hour
1
https://politics.theonion.com/nation-s-30-fraudulent-voters-march-on-washington-to-re-1819577565
nation's 30 fraudulent voters march on washington to restore voting rights act
1
https://www.theonion.com/crayola-ceo-presents-jarringly-ambitious-5-year-plan-at-1819573522
crayola ceo presents jarringly ambitious 5-year plan at annual shareholders meeting
1
https://local.theonion.com/good-nights-sleep-changes-nothing-1819571403
good night's sleep changes nothing
1
https://www.theonion.com/direct-marketer-offended-by-term-junk-mail-1819565855
direct marketer offended by term 'junk mail'
1
https://politics.theonion.com/majestic-sounds-of-goddamn-long-line-ring-across-americ-1819574151
majestic sounds of 'goddamn long line' ring across america
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-florida-project-brookynn-prince_us_59d6a9a7e4b046f5ad971fe4
the 7-year-old actress in 'the florida project' gives the year's best screen performance
0
https://www.theonion.com/nation-to-wait-for-more-facts-on-texas-shooting-before-1820186609
nation to wait for more facts on texas shooting before doing absolutely nothing about it
1
https://politics.theonion.com/i-feel-your-pain-romney-tells-campaign-rally-attendees-1819574083
'i feel your pain,' romney tells campaign rally attendees who make $20 million a year
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/frank-ocean-calls-rejecting-the-grammys-his-colin-kaepernick-moment_us_582c5dcbe4b0e39c1fa71e4f
frank ocean calls rejecting the grammys his 'colin kaepernick moment'
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mac-trolls-collection-makeup_us_57177d9de4b0018f9cbbae4b
mac's new troll dolls collection is equal parts neon and nostalgia
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-nlrb-labor-board-counsel-union-reforms_us_5a2440bce4b0a02abe91e2d3
trump's labor law enforcer freezes worker-friendly reforms made under obama
0
https://local.theonion.com/mom-leaves-sweet-little-note-for-sixth-grader-in-add-pr-1819576268
mom leaves sweet little note for sixth-grader in add prescription bottle
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/rachael-ray-snaps-chickens-neck-live-on-air-1819588309
rachael ray snaps chicken's neck live on air
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/responsible-gun-ownership_us_56192ee1e4b0e66ad4c824d6
how one man is redefining 'responsible' gun ownership
0
https://sports.theonion.com/sports-psychologists-suggest-tigers-slump-may-be-becaus-1819572875
sports psychologists suggest tiger's slump may be because of all that shit he went through
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/history-will-remember-a-transphobic-trump-and-his_us_5978c751e4b01cf1c4bb74dd
history will remember transphobic trump and his supporters with contempt
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/pat-roberts-mammograms_us_58d401a3e4b0b22b0d1acb99
gop senator sorry for joking about mammograms, but still won't cover them
0
https://local.theonion.com/ceiling-fans-one-burning-ambition-to-come-loose-and-mur-1819590131
ceiling fan's one burning ambition to come loose and murder everyone in denny's
1
https://www.theonion.com/american-medical-association-introduces-new-highly-effe-1819576542
american medical association introduces new highly effective placebo doctors
1
https://local.theonion.com/woman-worried-she-doing-bad-job-enjoying-massage-1819579311
woman worried she doing bad job enjoying massage
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/10-summer-vegetarian-mains_b_5509140.html
10 summer vegetarian mains you must make
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jeb-bush-super-pac-donors-donations_us_55bb94a6e4b0b23e3ce26f72
big checks power jeb bush super pac's unreal money haul
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/uk-election-theresa-may_us_593a08a9e4b0c5a35c9dea1f
theresa may's political future in danger after stunning election defeat
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/police-department-ban-criminals_us_56210dc5e4b069b4e1fbbfdd
this police department may ban people arrested for crimes from public areas
0
https://www.theonion.com/going-to-tops-of-things-still-favored-by-nations-touris-1819569934
going to tops of things still favored by nation's tourists
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/salt-n-pepa-female-artists_us_5672f900e4b0dfd4bcc0ef16
hip-hop legends salt-n-pepa want more women in rap today
0
https://www.theonion.com/national-geographic-finally-captures-rare-shot-of-antel-1819592970
national geographic finally captures rare shot of antelopeater feeding
1
https://local.theonion.com/man-arriving-late-forced-to-use-excuse-he-was-saving-fo-1819578419
man arriving late forced to use excuse he was saving for leaving early
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-give-your-bedroom-a-polished-look_us_591f0b18e4b0e8f558bb25cc
how to give your bedroom a polished look
0
https://www.theonion.com/area-man-unsure-whether-hes-on-right-bus-for-most-of-tr-1819565660
area man unsure whether he's on right bus for most of trip
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/10-year-old-teacher-police-shoot-him_us_5b0453e3e4b0740c25e5ee60
boy says teacher told him it will be his fault when police shoot him at age 16
0
https://local.theonion.com/apartment-manager-already-knows-to-look-out-for-tenant-1819592154
apartment manager already knows to look out for tenant sending in minnie mouse checks
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/8-thrilling-books-to-fill_b_6697884.html
8 thrilling books to fill the 'gone girl' void
0
https://www.theonion.com/banks-introduce-75-cent-surcharge-for-using-word-bank-1819566952
banks introduce 75-cent surcharge for using word 'bank'
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/denis-leary-drops-by-comedy-club-to-try-out-new-ford-co-1819572134
denis leary drops by comedy club to try out new ford commercial
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-politics-of-shame-and_b_7075444.html
the politics of shame and pride
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/why-being-proud-of-the-li_b_5481217.html
why being proud of the little things you do will help you in the long run
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/betsy-devos-senate-contributions_us_589a12d1e4b040613139a5a4
here's how much betsy devos and her family spent to back the gop senators who confirmed her
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/u-s-intensifies-empty-threat-campaign-against-north-ko-1819567860
u.s. intensifies empty-threat campaign against north korea
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/millie-bobby-brown-clear-plastic-jeans_us_593aa619e4b0240268788858
millie bobby brown teaches us how to pull off clear-knee mom jeans
0
https://local.theonion.com/dancing-7-year-old-looks-to-expand-fan-base-from-parent-1819592292
dancing 7-year-old looks to expand fan base from parents to parents' friends
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/mad-men-premiere-features-group-of-actors-who-are-scare-1819574783
'mad men' premiere features group of actors who are scared to death of never making transition to film
1
https://local.theonion.com/housefly-drops-everything-to-go-stand-on-watermelon-sli-1819591842
housefly drops everything to go stand on watermelon slice
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/may/20/donald-trump-sheldon-adelson-israel-trip-campaign-donation?CMP=share_btn_link
report: sheldon adelson backs trump trip to israel after $100 million pledge
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/delusional-man-somehow-thinks-he-s-going-to-get-oscar-n-1819575988
delusional man somehow thinks he's going to get oscar nomination
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/lost-possibly-still-airing-in-parallel-dimension-despe-1819571527
'lost' possibly still airing in parallel dimension, desperate fans report
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/milla-jovovich-inducted-into-basic-cable-hall-of-fame-1819569595
milla jovovich inducted into basic cable hall of fame
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-prevail-over-fear-_b_7268328.html
how to prevail over fear when life goes sideways
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-health-care-mean_us_594051cfe4b09ad4fbe3de6a
trump calls the health care bill he's been praising 'mean'
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/great-conversations-rober_b_7728160.html
great conversations: robert evans
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/children-lost-and-found-t_b_5935026.html
children lost and found: the good lie premieres
0
https://local.theonion.com/al-gore-excited-proud-to-be-at-local-event-1819564833
al gore excited, proud to be at local event
1
https://politics.theonion.com/jared-kushner-excited-to-finally-visit-white-house-afte-1826301619
jared kushner excited to finally visit white house after gaining security clearance
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-national-park-week-us_us_58f13e9fe4b0b9e9848c1483
trump celebrates national parks — after proposing to slash their funding
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-cannot-simply-delete-a-dangerous-campaign_us_58259c87e4b057e23e314096
trump can't simply delete an islamophobic campaign
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-bin-ladens-a-saudi-be_b_9968380.html
the bin ladens: a saudi bellwether
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/that-show-about-the-lady-sheriff-finally-released-on-dv-1819571247
that show about the lady sheriff finally released on dvd
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bob-corker-senate-foreign-relations_n_7088102.html
how a man who got his start in construction became the most powerful foreign policy voice in congress
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/sophie-larios-gps-guide_us_56f19575e4b09bf44a9ec62f
sophie larios' gps guide for a solid night's sleep
0
https://local.theonion.com/area-dad-looking-to-get-average-phone-call-with-adult-s-1819575862
area dad looking to get average phone call with adult son down to 47.5 seconds
1
https://local.theonion.com/60-year-old-hippie-pitied-by-40-year-old-punk-1819570839
60-year-old hippie pitied by 40-year-old punk
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://pubx.ch/1LMztzh
wedding couple does lightsaber duel instead of first dance
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-failure-of-the-iraq-w_b_5530820.html
the failure of the iraq war
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jameela-jamil-aziz-ansari-consent_us_5a5f6014e4b00a7f171c71d3
actress jameela jamil gives men a lesson in how not to be like aziz ansari
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/30-days-of-online-dating-_12_b_6850994.html
30 days of online dating: naughty by nature
0
https://local.theonion.com/correct-theory-discarded-in-favor-of-more-exciting-theo-1819566427
correct theory discarded in favor of more exciting theory
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/shots-reported-for-2nd-day-at-mississippi-military-site_us_55c290fde4b0923c12bb7dee
shots reported for 2nd day at mississippi military site
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/miami-detains-homeless-irma_us_59b7f7e8e4b031cc65ccf70b
ahead of hurricane irma, miami detained homeless people against their will
0
https://politics.theonion.com/pence-passing-time-during-trump-s-speech-by-mentally-ba-1819579678
pence passing time during trump's speech by mentally baptizing senators
1
https://www.theonion.com/coworker-obsessively-checks-e-mail-every-couple-of-minu-1819565470
coworker obsessively checks e-mail every couple of minutes
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bernie-sanders-john-mccain_n_5488221.html
bernie sanders praises john mccain: he's 'a no bullsh*t guy'
0