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https://local.theonion.com/area-dad-off-to-bad-start-with-waitress-1819572520
area dad off to bad start with waitress
1
https://local.theonion.com/buddy-sneaks-into-chest-x-ray-1819589736
buddy sneaks into chest x-ray
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/heres-why-kate-winslet-didnt-thank-harvey-weinstein-in-2009-oscar-speech_us_59e4adc4e4b0a52aca194274
kate winslet refused to thank 'nasty' harvey weinstein in 2009 oscar speech
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/spielberg-hitchcock-documentaries_us_59dbb943e4b0208970cece0c
two new documentaries outline the legacies of steven spielberg and alfred hitchcock
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/calamityware_n_5333008.html
breaking: ufos spotted on classy porcelain dinnerware
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/uninsured-rate-states-obamacare_us_55c7e3f9e4b0f1cbf1e561f7
uninsured rate down way more in states that embraced obamacare
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/pile-of-crap-excites-publicist-1819564221
pile of crap excites publicist
1
https://local.theonion.com/unemployed-businessman-has-time-for-headache-1819565075
unemployed businessman has time for headache
1
https://www.theonion.com/conjoined-twin-hogging-kidney-1819566687
conjoined twin hogging kidney
1
https://local.theonion.com/man-announces-plan-to-take-out-anger-on-first-less-powe-1819577171
man announces plan to take out anger on first less powerful person he sees
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/see-how-they-run_b_6274728.html
...see how they run
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/brave-new-jersey-tony-hale_us_597b3fd6e4b02a8434b5e597
in 'brave new jersey,' tony hale is a doomsday prepper caught in a rom-com
0
https://local.theonion.com/breaking-waiter-picking-up-napkin-with-bare-hand-1819579772
breaking: waiter picking up napkin with bare hand
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/when-it-comes-to-pregnancy-discrimation_b_6271606.html
when it comes to pregnancy discrimination, equal is not the same as fair
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/appeals-court-wont-reconsider-bob-mcdonnells-case_us_55c9f760e4b0923c12be0c11
appeals court won't reconsider bob mcdonnell's case
0
https://local.theonion.com/waitress-only-friendly-when-bringing-the-check-1819566374
waitress only friendly when bringing the check
1
https://politics.theonion.com/judge-pumps-self-up-before-verdict-by-listening-to-andr-1819589422
judge pumps self up before verdict by listening to andrew w.k.
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/rihanna-grammys-hassan-jameel_us_5a6f5fa1e4b01fbbefb49fec
pour it up! rihanna celebrates grammy win with rumored boyfriend hassan jameel
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/andy-samberg-donald-trump-jimmy-kimmel-witch_us_594389f0e4b06bb7d2722b96
andy samberg casts a spell over donald trump's 'witch hunt' claims
0
https://politics.theonion.com/71-percent-of-americans-approve-of-clintons-approval-ra-1819564690
71 percent of americans approve of clinton's approval rating
1
https://politics.theonion.com/gary-johnson-worried-he-peaking-too-early-after-hitting-1819579261
gary johnson worried he peaking too early after hitting 9% in polls
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/chinese-bomber-spratlys_us_587628afe4b03c8a02d4334f
chinese bomber flies around spratlys in show of force, u.s. official says
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/texas-newspaper-gay-men-obituary_us_5aac06dce4b0c33361b0417c
newspaper scraps references to gay man's husband in his mom's obituary
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://www.theneworleansadvocate.com/news/15528683-171/will-smith-shooting-scene-witness-shocked-by-alleged-shooter-cardell-hayes-calm-behavior-he-was-not-
will smith shooting scene witness shocked by alleged shooter cardell hayes' calm behavior
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/much-ado_us_59403a7ee4b03e17eee08757
much ado...
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/michael-bloomberg-politics_us_560d3b25e4b0dd85030ae88f
michael bloomberg states support for bloomberg politics after report he's soured on star journalists
0
https://politics.theonion.com/bush-still-getting-clintons-mail-1819565930
bush still getting clinton's mail
1
https://www.theonion.com/nutritionists-reveal-humans-with-proper-diet-should-not-1825656204
nutritionists reveal humans with proper diet should not be defecating
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-20-funniest-tweets-from-women-this-week_us_58f4c6d3e4b0da2ff861d0bb
the 20 funniest tweets from women this week
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/travel-ban-sct-gives-trump-a-minor-win-human_us_59554d85e4b0c85b96c6601f
travel ban is a minor win for trump and a major loss for human rights
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/5-friendship-lessons-children-playground_b_5874708.html
5 friendship lessons you learned on the playground
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kim-kardashian-says-goodbye-to-obama-with-family-photo-and-we-need-a-moment_us_5883a95ce4b096b4a2322807
kim kardashian says goodbye to obama with family photo and now we're crying just like north
0
https://www.theonion.com/report-some-people-wake-up-when-it-s-still-dark-outsid-1819573354
report: some people wake up when it's still dark outside
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/ben-affleck-nominated-for-best-friend-of-matt-damon-1819574356
ben affleck nominated for best friend of matt damon
1
https://www.theonion.com/highlighting-in-used-copy-of-platos-republic-stops-on-p-1819586606
highlighting in used copy of plato's republic stops on page 17
1
https://politics.theonion.com/nation-s-women-fantasize-about-some-future-election-tha-1819579301
nation's women fantasize about some future election that isn't absolutely pivotal to their well-being
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/adam-levine-proudly-displays-his-baby-bump-alongside-wife-in-cute-instagram-photo_us_5729f86be4b016f378942c57
adam levine proudly displays his 'baby bump' alongside wife in cute instagram photo
0
https://local.theonion.com/birthday-cards-from-grandma-becoming-more-religious-1819579994
birthday cards from grandma becoming more religious
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/taylor-swift-unveils-even-darker-persona-with-new-singl-1819580257
taylor swift unveils even darker persona with new single 'skullfucking maggot shit boyfriend'
1
https://politics.theonion.com/barack-obama-names-alan-moore-official-white-house-biog-1819571118
barack obama names alan moore official white house biographer
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/report-more-americans-willing-to-accept-female-wonder-1819579980
report: more americans willing to accept female wonder woman
1
https://politics.theonion.com/clinton-appoints-very-special-cabinet-member-1819564142
clinton appoints very special cabinet member
1
https://www.theonion.com/public-speaking-student-to-make-point-of-gesturing-1819564863
public-speaking student to make point of gesturing
1
https://politics.theonion.com/mayor-hits-on-crazy-idea-of-developing-city-s-waterfron-1819576884
mayor hits on crazy idea of developing city's waterfront, green spaces
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mondays-morning-email-what-the-global-cyberattack-could-mean-for-you_us_59198c25e4b0fe039b35f2ba
monday's morning email: what the global cyberattack could mean for you
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/danny-kanell-liberal-media-war-on-football_us_5666f604e4b079b281900679
espn analyst blames 'liberal media' for 'war on football'
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/freedom-caucus-wins-major-rewrite-of-health-care-bill-at-11th-hour_us_58d31ae2e4b0b22b0d19c317
freedom caucus closing in on deal to rewrite health care bill at 11th hour
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/david-byrne-holds-up-old-suit-to-show-how-far-he-s-come-1819592879
david byrne holds up old suit to show how far he's come in weight loss journey
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/steve-bannon-obamacare_us_59e38e26e4b03a7be5815bd2
steve bannon says president cut off obamacare payments to destroy health law
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/moms-honest-post-nails-the-many-contradictions-of-motherhood_us_57dff566e4b08cb14096c22a
mom's honest post nails the many contradictions of motherhood
0
https://www.theonion.com/kangaroo-decides-hell-get-there-faster-by-just-running-1819590913
kangaroo decides he'll get there faster by just running
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kid-brings-joy-to-louisiana-with-sneaky-newscast-dance-moves_us_57b70f5de4b03d513687cef3
kid brings joy to louisiana with sneaky newscast dance moves
0
https://www.theonion.com/embarrassed-sony-ceo-announces-new-video-game-system-1819574582
embarrassed sony ceo announces new video game system
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/parker-police-ducklings_us_574a912ee4b055bb11726571
selfless cop escorts adorable family of ducklings across busy street
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-effects-of-western-colonization-of-india-on-the_us_58425ccfe4b04587de5dea1e
the effects of 'western' colonization of india on the lives and future of the women of the indian-subcontinent
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/my-bette-midler-story_b_7638276.html
my bette midler story
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kim-cattrall-ellen-degeneres-satc-3_us_5a625573e4b0dc592a089966
kim cattrall says ellen would make a 'fabulous' samantha in 'sex and the city 3'
0
https://local.theonion.com/circus-runaway-not-looking-forward-to-hometown-show-1819566867
circus runaway not looking forward to hometown show
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/cardi-b-reveals-baby-bump_us_5ac99f87e4b0337ad1e8d0dc
cardi b reveals baby bump on 'saturday night live'
0
https://www.theonion.com/supreme-court-told-to-take-down-tip-jar-1819587594
supreme court told to take down tip jar
1
https://www.theonion.com/archaeologists-discover-worlds-first-guy-named-marty-1819570789
archaeologists discover world's first guy named marty
1
https://politics.theonion.com/senator-can-t-believe-he-has-to-come-in-on-a-wednesday-1819578845
senator can't believe he has to come in on a wednesday
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/grateful-kid-thanks-parents-wooden-board_n_5701430.html
everyone should take a lesson from this adorably grateful kid
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/matt-lauer-returns-to-today-show-following-2-day-suspen-1820924929
matt lauer returns to today show following 2-day suspension
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/america-it-is-time-to-rise-up-to-save-lives_us_59e01bb9e4b003f928d5e5a0
america, it's time to rise up to save lives
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/yom-kippur-recipes_b_5908878.html
the perfect break-the-fast dishes for your yom kippur buffet
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/report-majority-of-americans-experience-profound-sense-1819573124
report: majority of americans experience profound sense of dread when asked to name favorite music
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/new-york-hiv-transmission-mother-child_us_55f1bb70e4b002d5c07876dd
how new york created a 'blueprint' for the world to beat mother-to-baby hiv transmission
0
https://www.theonion.com/computer-analyst-unable-to-fashion-crude-tools-grind-w-1819565134
computer analyst unable to fashion crude tools, grind wheat
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/noah-crowley-racist-promposal_us_5ade49a0e4b0b2e81132783d
florida teen apologizes for racist promposal sign
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/celebrity-smell-alike-sweats-just-like-alec-baldwin-1819571418
celebrity smell-alike sweats just like alec baldwin
1
https://www.theonion.com/the-onion-wins-nobel-prize-1819574042
'the onion' wins nobel prize
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/cancers-next-big-thing-im_b_6272830.html
cancer's next big thing -- immunotherapy
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/even-blue-ivy-joined-james-cordens-live-carpool-karaoke-at-grammys_us_58a1170be4b0ab2d2b1677be
even blue ivy joined james corden's 'carpool karaoke' at the grammys
0
https://local.theonion.com/man-read-somewhere-they-proved-thing-he-just-made-up-1819571679
man read somewhere they proved thing he just made up
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://pubx.co/2QRM1j
the 5 things your kids will remember about you
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/malaysia-floods_n_6384172.html
more than 160,000 evacuated from worst-ever floods in malaysia
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/william-baldwin-donald-trump-presidential-campaign_us_56002fc2e4b0fde8b0cf0af0
william baldwin 'wouldn't vote' for trump, but knows why so many others might
0
https://www.theonion.com/new-uber-update-allows-users-to-file-lawsuit-against-co-1819578934
new uber update allows users to file lawsuit against company directly in app
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-canvas-coworking-space-teens_n_7014696.html
these teens wanted a cool work space of their own -- so they built one from scratch
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jerry-jones-satire_b_5673214.html
what those racy photos of cowboys' jerry jones represent
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/fridays-morning-email-what-the-senate-health-care-bill-could-mean-for-you_us_594cf540e4b02734df29c42f
friday's morning email: what the senate health care bill could mean for you
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jose-andres-prepares-thanksgiving-meals-in-puerto-rico_us_5a16df4fe4b0d4906cad9e5d
chef josé andrés prepares 40,000 thanksgiving meals in puerto rico
0
https://politics.theonion.com/nation-dreading-next-6-months-of-watching-candidates-tr-1819578894
nation dreading next 6 months of watching candidates trying to relate to it
1
https://local.theonion.com/report-holy-shit-there-still-50-minutes-left-in-movie-1819579608
report: holy shit, there still 50 minutes left in movie
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/cyrus-vance-harvey-weinstein_us_59dce8fbe4b0a8e1367f14dd
manhattan da swept harvey weinstein sexual harassment under the rug, report alleges
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/buzzfeed-obama-interview_n_6658302.html
obama: 'shame on' corporations that blame obamacare for cutting wages
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/south-china-sea_us_586183a4e4b0de3a08f5f15e
china's aircraft carrier enters south china sea amid renewed tensions
0
https://www.theonion.com/bacon-good-for-you-reports-best-scientist-ever-1819566748
bacon good for you, reports best scientist ever
1
https://local.theonion.com/area-man-meets-that-special-someone-else-1819569255
area man meets that special someone else
1
https://local.theonion.com/boss-s-clout-evaporates-after-he-s-seen-in-shorts-at-co-1819577950
boss's clout evaporates after he's seen in shorts at company picnic
1
https://local.theonion.com/local-mother-clips-article-about-benefits-of-vitamin-e-1819565272
local mother clips article about benefits of vitamin e
1
https://local.theonion.com/nutritious-lunch-brought-from-home-broadcasts-middle-ag-1819802964
nutritious lunch brought from home broadcasts middle-aged coworker's recent health scare loud and clear
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/broad-city-creators-take-accountability-for-using-white-dude-power-to-bolster-show_us_5a27eefbe4b0c21176271787
'broad city' creators take 'accountability' for using 'white dude power' to bolster show
0
https://sports.theonion.com/rock-and-roll-hall-of-fame-retires-d-chord-1819569390
rock and roll hall of fame retires 'd' chord
1
https://politics.theonion.com/heritage-foundation-lowers-another-retired-gop-senator-1819578019
heritage foundation lowers another retired gop senator into vat of strategists
1
https://www.theonion.com/half-fabricated-resume-still-unimpressive-1819565692
half-fabricated résumé still unimpressive
1
https://www.theonion.com/woman-knew-ever-since-age-40-she-didnt-want-children-1819590848
woman knew ever since age 40 she didn't want children
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/teenage-girl-who-survived-plane-crash-walked-for-days-before-getting-picked-up-by-motorist_us_55a45c47e4b0b8145f73747b
teenage girl who survived plane crash walked for days before getting picked up by motorist
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/nick-cannon-mariah-carey-engagement_us_56a39582e4b076aadcc6cba0
nick cannon responds to mariah carey's engagement in the best way
0