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https://politics.theonion.com/michelle-obama-to-dnc-after-this-election-you-dipshit-1819579350
michelle obama to dnc: 'after this election you dipshits are on your own'
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/elizabeth-warren-agency-payday-lenders_us_57502482e4b0eb20fa0ccd7f
the obama administration cracks down on payday lenders
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/pennsylvania-congress-men_us_5afc3659e4b06a3fb50c85d4
pennsylvania's congressional delegation will no longer be all men
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mad-max-would-you-rather_n_7423780.html
would you rather: max rockatansky or nux from 'mad max: fury road'
0
https://www.theonion.com/halliburton-given-contract-to-rebuild-cheney-1819568061
halliburton given contract to rebuild cheney
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jimmy-kimmel-obamacare-bill-cassidy_us_59c3388ee4b0c90504fb75f3
livid jimmy kimmel turns up the heat on sen. bill cassidy for second night
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/french-voters-head-to-the-polls-amid-post-attack-tension_us_56642b0fe4b08e945fefd0af
france's far-right national front win big in regional elections
0
https://www.theonion.com/terrorist-plot-foiled-after-concert-security-taps-woman-1819575348
terrorist plot foiled after concert security taps woman's purse
1
https://local.theonion.com/johnny-rockets-customer-terrified-after-evidently-falli-1823950513
johnny rockets customer terrified after evidently falling through wormhole into 1950s
1
https://politics.theonion.com/rodent-clearly-making-its-way-through-steve-bannon-s-bo-1819579702
rodent clearly making its way through steve bannon's body throughout national security meeting
1
https://www.theonion.com/fda-report-finds-food-prevents-hunger-98-of-time-when-1819578065
fda report finds food prevents hunger 98% of time when properly used
1
https://local.theonion.com/roommate-skulking-around-edge-of-party-like-victorian-g-1819579381
roommate skulking around edge of party like victorian ghost child
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/improving-the-lgbt-experience-within-the-workplace_us_5907a405e4b03b105b44bb32
improving the lgbt experience within the workplace
0
https://www.theonion.com/world-health-organization-adds-gunfire-explosions-to-l-1819578514
world health organization adds gunfire, explosions to list of natural causes of death
1
https://politics.theonion.com/defensive-clinton-campaign-releases-new-who-are-you-to-1819578699
defensive clinton campaign releases new 'who are you to judge me?' ad
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-kid-pictures-fallon_us_5aeae321e4b06748dc90029f
these kids' portraits of the trump administration should hang in a gallery
0
https://www.theonion.com/man-s-whole-job-undoing-handiwork-of-self-checkout-mach-1819577088
man's whole job undoing handiwork of self-checkout machine
1
https://local.theonion.com/boss-s-sexual-harassment-a-lot-more-cautious-lately-1821394395
boss's sexual harassment a lot more cautious lately
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/gorgeous-25-year-old-dead-at-79-1819590209
gorgeous 25-year-old dead at 79
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/syria-why-the-ceasefire-i_b_9710602.html
syria: why the ceasefire is unravelling
0
https://local.theonion.com/woman-shows-hairstylist-example-of-haircut-she-wants-1819591515
woman shows hairstylist example of haircut she wants
1
https://www.theonion.com/heroin-addict-better-off-than-poppy-farmer-1819567745
heroin addict better off than poppy farmer
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/only-remaining-rhyme-rapper-can-think-of-is-cliff-clavi-1819569938
only remaining rhyme rapper can think of is 'cliff clavin'
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-human-and-financial-cost-of-pollution_us_59edde97e4b02c6e3c609c80
the human and financial cost of pollution
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bucking-when-the-beat-drops-documentary_us_5aa1c4ffe4b01b9b0a39a21e
this dance subculture is thriving among black gay men in the south
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/shots-fired-in-central-london_us_5a1852a4e4b0d4906cae8ceb
central london panics over reports of shots fired
0
https://www.theonion.com/second-life-makes-dream-of-owning-fictitious-coffee-sho-1819569175
second life makes dream of owning fictitious coffee shop come true
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/tig-notaro-indiana-pizza-restaurant_n_7002210.html
tig notaro is sickened by the anti-gay pizza restaurant in indiana
0
https://www.theonion.com/i-90-adds-lane-for-drivers-traveling-cross-country-to-s-1819576886
i-90 adds lane for drivers traveling cross-country to stop woman from marrying wrong man
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/atlanta-motel-standoff-suspect-stabbing_us_568bcec2e4b014efe0db9282
atlanta motel standoff ends with suspect stabbing himself
0
https://www.theonion.com/closeted-soldiers-getting-in-last-clandestine-rendezvou-1819571458
closeted soldiers getting in last clandestine rendezvous before 'don't ask, don't tell' repealed
1
https://www.theonion.com/hellmanns-heirs-conduct-unbefitting-a-mayonnaise-magnat-1819566799
hellmann's heir's conduct unbefitting a mayonnaise magnate
1
https://politics.theonion.com/disillusioned-hacker-starting-to-feel-like-he-has-no-im-1819579220
disillusioned hacker starting to feel like he has no impact on american presidential election
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-aftermath-of-an-alleged-chemical-weapon-attack-in-idlib_us_58ee6ed2e4b0bb9638e0b878
the aftermath of an alleged chemical weapon attack in idlib
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/adele-worships-at-the-altar-of-beyonc%C3%A9-just-like-the-rest-of-us_us_57291391e4b096e9f08f86d4
adele worships at the altar of beyoncé just like the rest of us
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/picky-eaters_us_56379d10e4b063179913193a
'don't be mad at me for being a picky eater'
0
https://www.theonion.com/smithsonian-institution-politely-declines-sofa-from-cha-1819587217
smithsonian institution politely declines sofa from charles in charge
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-pharma-drug-prices_us_5af5920de4b032b10bf9eaa7
trump's plan on prescription drug prices looks nothing like what he promised
0
https://www.theonion.com/man-on-date-ready-for-question-about-siblings-this-time-1819576433
man on date ready for question about siblings this time
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hollywood-representation-study_us_5a4e4d80e4b025f99e208849
women, people of color still abysmally underrepresented in hollywood leadership
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/glutenfree-quinoa-stuffed_b_6379000.html
gluten-free quinoa stuffed mushrooms
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/national-school-walkout_us_5aa7ce19e4b009b705d63a94
these students aren't joining the national walkout to protest gun violence. here's why.
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/selfies-bears-salmon_n_6054646.html
too many smartphone users taking dumb selfies with bears
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/eia-chinas-blood-ivory-carving-factories_b_6655144.html
eia: china's blood ivory carving factories
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jeff-sessions-drug-sentencing-reform_us_5a8497ace4b0ab6daf457040
jeff sessions opposes bipartisan drug sentencing reform bill
0
https://www.theonion.com/enraged-character-in-stageplay-to-be-unconvincingly-res-1819592594
enraged character in stageplay to be unconvincingly restrained by other actors
1
https://www.theonion.com/study-finds-60-of-parents-too-busy-with-divorce-to-wor-1819576099
study finds 60% of parents too busy with divorce to worry about football safety
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/gianforte-evolution-creationism_us_58f4efc0e4b0da2ff8622e0b
republican running for open montana house seat doubles down on creationist stance
0
https://politics.theonion.com/superstitious-clinton-refusing-to-change-her-beliefs-fo-1819579299
superstitious clinton refusing to change her beliefs following hot streak in polls
1
https://www.theonion.com/report-cost-of-raising-neglected-children-still-low-as-1819577111
report: cost of raising neglected children still low as ever
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jay-z-finally-explains-how-he-and-beyonc%C3%A9-came-up-with-those-baby-names_us_59a165c1e4b0821444c3744d
jay-z finally explains how he and beyoncé came up with those baby names
0
https://www.theonion.com/popsicle-reintroduces-beloved-plain-flavor-1822807804
popsicle reintroduces beloved 'plain' flavor
1
https://www.theonion.com/what-if-we-put-m-m-s-on-top-would-they-eat-that-dor-1819575909
'what if we put m&m's on top? would they eat that?' doritos exec wonders out loud
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/cnn-trump-schoolhouse-rock_us_590bf518e4b0d5d9049b277f
cnn taunts trump and the gop with 'schoolhouse rock'
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/fear-of-hair_us_5a4e6311e4b025f99e20b482
the fear of hair is a real thing, explaining why your drain is such a nightmare
0
https://www.theonion.com/death-of-12-schoolchildren-makes-perfect-sense-1819571013
death of 12 schoolchildren makes perfect sense
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/wwf-snaps-up-100k-shark-fishing-license-to-protect-them_us_5788fc30e4b0867123e0e710
group buys fishing net so others can't, will save up to 10,000 sharks
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/from-tacos-to-pad-thai-12_b_11967984.html
from tacos to pad thai: 12 standout shrimp recipes
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-teachers-can-save-tho_b_7193110.html
how teachers can save thousands on their student loans
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/acid-attacks-colombia_n_7070178.html
fighting for the rights of colombia's acid attack victims
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hillary-clinton-trade-dea_n_7580112.html
clinton will weigh in on trade deal 'when it's final,' campaign says
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-5-faulty-beliefs-that-have-led-to-republican-dysfunction_us_59678f34e4b0524d8fa7fb70
5 faulty beliefs that have led to republican dysfunction on health care
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/nikki-haley-fire-sprinklers_us_576a80e7e4b0c0252e77be95
how nikki haley helped fuel the homebuilding industry's war on fire sprinklers
0
https://www.theonion.com/terrified-fda-warns-something-making-bananas-black-afte-1819571939
terrified fda warns something making bananas black after several days
1
https://local.theonion.com/exercising-woman-really-starting-to-feel-the-burn-of-li-1825044413
exercising woman really starting to feel the burn of lifelong injury developing
1
https://local.theonion.com/fun-loving-laid-back-woman-with-a-bit-of-a-nerdy-side-1819575787
fun-loving, laid-back woman with a bit of a nerdy side joins online dating service
1
https://www.theonion.com/diamond-jubilee-marred-by-drunken-queen-elizabeth-ii-en-1819590696
diamond jubilee marred by drunken queen elizabeth ii encouraging guests to fuck
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/post_7883_b_5530040.html
from goofy ridge to sandwich, here are the weirdest place names in illinois
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/parkland-deputy-who-didnt-engage-shooter-told-other-officers-to-stay-away_us_5aa2b403e4b07047bec5ffae
parkland deputy who didn't engage school shooter told other officers to stay away
0
https://www.theonion.com/with-great-suit-comes-great-responsibility-1819587262
with great suit comes great responsibility
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/deflategate-another-chall_b_6529658.html
deflategate: another image blow to the nfl that is not likely to hurt its business
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/senate-hearing-marijuana_us_57041367e4b0daf53af13d3d
anti-drug senators criticized for 'sham' hearing on legal marijuana
0
https://www.theonion.com/yearbook-committee-forced-to-print-mug-shot-1819587406
yearbook committee forced to print mug shot
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/irans-corruption-and-huma_b_8382140.html
iran's corruption and human rights overlooked
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/conservatives-upset-that-gay-catholics-were-invited-to-meet-pope-francis-at-the-white-house_us_560046a8e4b00310edf7f068
conservatives upset that gay catholics were invited to meet pope francis at the white house
0
https://politics.theonion.com/u-s-secretary-of-beer-woooo-1819564358
u.s. secretary of beer: 'woooo!'
1
https://www.theonion.com/local-band-attempts-to-track-down-mysterious-visitor-to-1819588161
local band attempts to track down mysterious visitor to its website
1
https://politics.theonion.com/trump-tells-iowa-dairy-farmers-he-has-cows-500-times-bi-1819577980
trump tells iowa dairy farmers he has cows 500 times bigger than theirs
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mark-hamill-donald-trump-voter-fraud_us_5959c373e4b0da2c73245638
mark hamill shuts down trump's latest complaint with 3 blistering words
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/gay-marriage-licenses_us_5633bfd0e4b00aa54a4e1e16
americans expect government officials to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, poll shows
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/finding-comfort-in-the-wa_b_5774506.html
finding comfort in the wake of 9/11
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/half-of-blacks-say-police-have-treated-them-unfairly_us_55c23562e4b0d9b28f0505f6
half of black americans say police have treated them unfairly
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://www.npr.org/2016/01/13/462906419/everyone-uses-singular-they-whether-they-realize-it-or-not?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20160113
everyone uses singular 'they,' whether they realize it or not
0
https://www.theonion.com/garden-state-some-poor-fucks-favorite-movie-1819569081
garden state some poor fuck's favorite movie
1
https://www.theonion.com/nation-wonders-how-ad-guys-from-vitaminwater-do-it-1819574887
nation wonders how ad guys from vitaminwater do it
1
https://local.theonion.com/first-grader-given-sticker-for-behavior-during-lockdown-1819578343
first-grader given sticker for behavior during lockdown drill
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/democrats-react-alabama-senate_us_5a30a42fe4b01bdd76584f73
democrats celebrate doug jones' stunning victory
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hey-all-you-twentysomethi_b_6124702.html
hey, all you 20-somethings: breathe
0
https://local.theonion.com/friend-who-s-going-through-difficult-emotional-time-car-1819575881
friend who's going through difficult emotional time carefully avoided
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/state-department-russian-meddling_us_5a9cb149e4b089ec353bc61e
state department has spent none of the $120 million allocated to fight russian interference
0
https://local.theonion.com/investigation-of-what-fell-off-nightstand-postponed-unt-1819576562
investigation of what fell off nightstand postponed until morning
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/airline-passengers-is-the_b_5818824.html
airline passengers! is there a right to recline?
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/when-to-enroll-in-medicare_b_11822444.html
turning 65? here's when you should enroll in medicare
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/when-a-river-is-a-person-from-ecuador-to-new-zealand_us_5947cc83e4b0d188d028002b
when a river is a person: from ecuador to new zealand, nature gets its day in court
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kim-kardashian-urges-parents-to-do-something-in-wake-of-recent-shootings_us_577fccc1e4b01edea78d9afc
kim kardashian urges all parents to 'do something' in wake of recent shootings
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/make-life-easier-things-that-shoudl-be-flexible_n_6436656.html
life would be infinitely easier if these things were more flexible
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/when-its-worthwhile-to-pa_b_7582108.html
when it's worthwhile to pay extra airline fees
0
https://local.theonion.com/embarrassed-jcpenney-announces-all-its-sold-in-past-yea-1819573115
embarrassed jcpenney announces all it's sold in past year is two fleece jackets and a scattergories game
1
https://www.theonion.com/onion-book-of-known-knowledge-contains-cure-for-hiv-1819574069
'onion book of known knowledge' contains cure for hiv
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/dont-raise-the-massachuse_b_12502860.html
don't raise the massachusetts charter cap just yet
0