INSTRUCTION
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RESPONSE
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I'm in charge of this shit? Fuck! It was just, dude, things don't get through, like, I can literally just like, completely keep myself inoculated against the reality of the situation, but it goes and hits me all at once and fucking, it's crazy.
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Because like for four days I was all adrenalized and I'm buzzing around, I'm like, I gotta go pick up a package, this is the kind of stuff I do, I got a kid, I gotta do all the errands, this is cool, and eventually I like looked her in the eyes and was like
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Yeah dude, it was pretty nuts. It was like, I made it through like a week or so of just being like, totally got this, nothing really changed. I tell people like, yes, you know, it's uh, you know.
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Yeah, it does rule, but I remember just being like, just looking at them like, man, this person truly doesn't know anything about the world, man. It's like, hopefully I don't present her with just a terrible rendition of it, just full of my own fucked up, terrible stuff, and just fuck them up, and I was just like, uuuh, fuck, I hope I don't do that. Yeah, terrible stuff to think about.
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That's why I salve to myself all the time. Like, I mean, she freaked out a little bit in life, you know. She can have a couple terrifying nights, that's not gonna do that much to her.
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Yeah, I mean hopefully, I'm just trying not to spaz. That's the one thing I do. I've been doing very good.
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Dude, I was breaking glasses, dude, before. During the pregnancy, I was like, I think I might have an anger problem. This might affect things.
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It was tough. Well the problem, what I did before is I just never really had real relationships and it was easy. Because I didn't care. I truly didn't care. It wasn't, I wasn't setting out to do that. I'd just be like, yea, you know, this is what it is. Just with no real emotional investment at all. And then as soon as I was like, alright, I'm actually going to work on a relationship. I was just like, ahhhh. It was just terrifying.
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That's a trigger word you can hit women with that will fuck them up if you question, you can call their maturity into question. Oh yea, easily. Yea, that's something I learned that, luckily I learned that while I wasn't, I was a Sith. If I had got that information while I was a Sith, that could have done damage, but I got that while I was, started just peeking into a Jedi hood. Before I was a pure fucking Sith. It was, yea, terrible, terrible stuff. I was a farm boy.
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Hey guys, Manscaped has been nice enough to give us money now for mentioning their stuff they sell. So, do you guys, uh, shave your balls or no?
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I've, I've actually, sometimes I'll like be in the middle of it. I have like this little, uhm, electric razor. Before I had Manscaped, actually, I'd use my wife's little... ...pussy razor. The batteries would die, so I'd end up with like...
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Yeah, well guys, if you wanna get your, you know, again I was, also I do scissors a lot too. I used to trim my pubes with like, what? Just like household scissors. Are you an old Italian guy?
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Dads, d-a-d-z at manscaped.com. That's 20% off and free. Shipping with the code dads at manscaped.com. Manscape for the perfect, find the perfect gift for the holidays biggest hit, which is your penis at the family party pulled up.
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Fuck man, yeaah, no, this is, this episode is all about, we talked about the shadow and the fucking smoke session. Yeaah, dude, I felt, yeaah.
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Yeaah, I mean, to be fair, he kinda was macking through you, so you had to get out of the way, cause that was, he was using you to mack. Yeaah, but I wish I would have realized that though.
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But even if it has to go, he was going through you. He was channeling. You guys are balls touched.
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But, I mean, true, it was nice, I'm always so happy to get home, but yea, it kinda stunk. I was pumped for the aquarium, but I'm in Baltimore, and I'm walking, I was actually, I was trying to find a restaurant that I was looking for, and it was like, whatever, I'm not gonna bore you with the details, but I couldn't find this place, the map was acting up.
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I should have just made a quick u-turn to follow the rest of the combo, but I was like, the fact that I got that crumb, I was like that was... He was probably talking about eating pussy though.
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Have G's started eating pussy yet? I remember back, I think they have, I remember when black dudes didn't eat pussy. No, real G's didn't eat pussy. I remember a lot, I remember dudes would be like, I was, I feel like I was around when black dudes started coming out in public and being like, yea we eat pussy. At least for me, that was my experience.
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Dude, I was, uh, whatchamacallit. I was, one time I was in a bar. I was in a bar in West Philly back during my like,
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You do it all, and she was like, man, she was basically just, she was being like, yea, it's, you know, hard to come by someone who's willing to experiment with me sexually, and I'm like, basically, you know, that was the whole vibe, and I was just like, yea. How'd she look?
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I don't know, I mean, it was out, you know, the shutters were open. It was out, it was out in front of the marketplace. She was putting it out there. She was just giving me cash, I heard you guys are freaks.
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So nice to just sit down and I'd be like, I was like, I don't know how, you know, how people are gonna judge me. The first time I walked in there, it was the craziest fucking shit in the world. I was just like, ma'am, I'm just trying to sell pills.
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Would you mind leaving me alone? Ah, she actually did try to buy Xanax off me. The guy came down and goes, come on, get up, just don't, don't mind her. Excuse me. Dude, it was a fucking, I saw some of the coolest shit in there, ever.
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I remember sitting there with a bunch of dudes and they learned that everyone had guns and being like
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Yeah, it was tough. That was, dude, I'm telling you, it was like...
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The feeling of walking into an establishment where you might be like the first white dude ever to walk in there.
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Yeah, that's pretty, it was- You act a little stupid, they like that. Yeah, I used to go to the one, uh, when I was in Drexel around Lancaster Ave. And I used to post, it was so, it was like, they would serve everybody. So when we were like, like 18, 19 in Drexel, you'd go to this one bar.
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Dude, and it was so much fun getting hammered, like being 19 years old, just ripping as many shots of tequila as possible. And the last thing I remember was this lady was like, I'm gonna suck your dick better than any of those rules. And then I blacked out, dude I blacked out, apparently these ladies were driving me around and I just vomited in their car.
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But I remember I got kicked, I, that was the last thing I remember, I remember like I came to in my bed just like, like Wizard of Oz, basically, fully like, dude, wooooooow, what happened? Yeah, man. You were sleeping outside.
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She promised me the ultimate, dude. I went, this is gonna be so tight, I remember I hit it, I picked a song, I don't know what song it is, I picked a song on a jukebox and danced with her. Blacked out.
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Yeah, bars in the hood do rule. I remember like going in there and like scaredly buying 40s for like all of my friends, but uhm, can I have like 24 40s please? I'd be like, oh yeah, sure.
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Dude, I had the most devilish thought last night. Uh, my wife had had a fever the last two days. She's running a little hot. Oh no.
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I think it was just last night, I cozied up, dude, and I went, oh my god. It was unbelievable. There's a Latin phrase called, I think it's the, uh, Ardett nonlucet. It's the flame that burns so hot it does not give off any light. That's all I could think of, I said.
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If I had somehow been like, yo bro, I know you, I know you. That's probably before that Tylenol kicks in.
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And if you ask for either, you walked through a bear, you walked through a membrane, you can't go back inside of it.
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Yeah, but it's like a real thing and it's like, am I wrong? Babe, please. And that's it, like am I being wrong? And dude, imagine the Psy-Op, a dude who's trying to get a bugger, basically. They'll Psy-Op so fucking hard. Yeah. Dude, I'm telling you, it's the fucking funniest stuff. Yeah, it's like, bald guy.
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That's good, that's good. I have my bass spoiled too, cause I don't, I'm always like, dude, I want nothing to do with it. I might pop down, put a thumb on it every now and again, but I'm not, look, I'm outside, I'm a vampire at the door, I'm a vampire at the door.
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Outside, but I mean, for real though. I have no, it's not for me, dude. Yeah, nothing. Hiny Sex is not for me. I'll be honest.
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I'd hope, yea, I think so. Do you think there's anyone who would be like, no for real, I'm not going to touch your butthole, like I just won't, I don't want to put my, there's nothing about touching your butthole right now.
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422<2>3422<2>3422<2>3422<2>3422<2>3422<2>3422<2>3422<2>1568<2>1532<2>3602<2>1855
That makes me absolutely to the point.
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Dude, that shit fucking rules though. Dudes that can get into heavy pegging with their wife and completely own it.
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There's a nice Steven Star restaurant, and then you just get fucking pummeled and you pass it.
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I would think you'd take, you took the biggest and be like, I think I got more in me. That's gotta be wild.
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I've seen enough. Yeah. Yeah, no, the, uh, You think that's his and his?
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That can happen. You can become, dude, retail is secretly one of those industries. If you just show up every day and like,
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You just don't like spaz or not show- like you can become like the assistant regional manager of retail places.
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I knew a guy who did this, he was the regional of targets. And he was like, he was working forever in this different type of target store and then that closed and then he just got like sucked up into Target. And by the time I knew, I was in high school and he was like a dude with like kids and stuff and it was like...
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Multiple kids, he's, he's like, I work like three days a week. All I do is I just roll up, check. I'll like go like talk to like the managers of like, like ten targets in this area and be like, how's it going? And they'll be like, ah, they'll like tell me what they're dealing with. I'm like, oh yeah, like probably fire.
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What happens if you attack those things? Like what's the, it's destruction of property, right? It logs you. Would it fuck you up?
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Is there any videos of a giant robot being attacked? I'd be curious.
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What's up? I've never seen the robot. I've always, every time I've been there, I've never seen the robot. I'm always kind of pissed about that. But- He's bobbing around. I know, I haven't seen him. I want to check him out.
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Dude, I used to punish the auto-checks. He'd see you as a threat? I'd come up, dude, yea. He would probably mash my brains. Yea.
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When that stuff, when auto, I remember when self-checkout came out and I was like, you have got to be kidding me. This is not real. Is this a social experiment? I was, I got so fucked up by that. Yeah, you just took everything. I took it to the limits. Yeah.
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Yeah, I've seen people do that. I just go, wow.
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Dude, I've seen, I've seen a guy go in with two, like empty shopping bags in the cart and you just bop around, bop around and then he just like took a knee in one of the aisles, loaded up two shopping bags and just walked out of there and I went, okay, I see. Nice move right there.
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Also, you've never seen, uh, has everyone not seen a roll of paper towels at the bottom of the supermarket and just let it slip? And this went...
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Yeah. Well I think it feels weird too, I don't know, maybe some cashiers out there are pro bottom part too, where they're like, yeah it must be nice to like...
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But yeaah, that's uh, yeaah, I've, I've stopped. Now I've realized I'm like, you know what? I'm not, I can't do that.
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Dude, I was a big guy, uhm, no one else liked it, I was a big Pepsi-Cola guy. And they did coffee flavored Pepsi, I fucking loved it.
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I didn't like it. I was always, for my life, I was a Pepsi dude.
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Coke to this day makes it just there's something about it that I go, ugh. I'll lap Pepsi on my dog. I've never had a preference.
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It's night and day for me. I'll drink, you know, I would say the same thing. If it's pizza night, obviously, I'll just drink a glass of Coca-Cola, but Pepsi was like, that was it for me.
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Dude, I was thinking the other day about, and it is probably the worst
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That's nice, it's gotta be, dude, I know root beer, again, dude, root beer with a roast beef sandwich is, that's when I'll break the soda barrier. It's so fucking good, but a pep, Dr. Pepper was always,
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And, uh, he would get a Dr. Pepper and I was, I always admired it, like, dude, I'm, like, I'm pumped you're drinking that, that shit tastes like, it's like, that stuff belongs, it tastes like it belongs on another planet. When I drink it, I'm like, what the fuck is this? It's pretty intense. It's crazy. It is alien blood.
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It might be the most like refined soda pallet drink. I think Dr. Pepper will play.
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Just your tongue, like your, like taste buds have been blasted for so long.
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What, what's the, what twist of Dr. Pepper have, what have they like done to like, they put on like different flavor twists? What's like the pinnacle of Dr. Pepper?
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God damn, we're at the, uh, oh, we never, yeah, we'll put it in. We forgot to do the fucking adversement. Uhm, dudes, let's go to the page. Is that fine? Yeah, dude, we're, we're well over in our homes. What?
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Danny gave me the eye. I'm locked in. I bet. Okay.
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Wow. It was that fucking strain dude. That strain was bullshit. Miracle alien cookies. It was tangy miracle alien cookies. We were on some classic super sour diesel dude. No wonder we went back to the past a lot. It was a blast in the past. Well dudes. It was a time machine.
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Yeah, go back and watch the smoke sesh. I always forget to tell people that. Oh yeah, go watch it. They'll get the smoke sesh on Patreon. Otherwise, you just, there's so much context that goes in before those, before these, if you don't want to. Listen to it. Yeah, listen to it. Go listen to it. You can just look at your phone the whole time though. It is just an audio file, but you could watch it technically. Yeah, listen to it.
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It's just, I don't know, to me it's just so important. The sesh really does, like you were saying, it's a macrocosm of the whole, it's a microcosm of the whole podcast. And I would say the sesh really is, I know, it's just important to me that people listen to it.
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It is. And it's about the, like he would have homosexual relations like on tour.
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So, this shit work. It work, it work, it work.
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I can't personally endorse him because I'm not addicted to tobacco and nicotine, but I have heard good things. That's lucy.c.o. Use promo code drenched at checkout. If you're a listener from Canada,
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Half her size. It's crazy you did that. I was, dude, I was gonna come up here and tell you the same thing. I was down there, it was a fuckin' Mike, it was a Mike Allstar highlight video. I was fuckin', dude, just. Number 40, baby. Russian motherfuckers. Oh, I love Allstar. Oh, I thought he was 44. Rafting was 44. 40. He was 40.
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No. No, I was, uh, I was in central PA and also younger. Tommy, speaking of age.
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How old are you? 3'9". 3'9". Oh man. It's a day.
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If you, if you hunched and were out of shape, you would look like Jewish propaganda. Anti-Jewish propaganda.
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Wait a second, I'm sorry to cut you off. I'm all over the place. You are Jewish. I am Jewish. And the 240 grand you made because your uncle hooked it up, they keep it in within the family.
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Yeaah, alright, so you, USC's 5 and 6, they've...
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They suck. They suck, but they have talent like usual, uh, they'll get up. But, I dunno, I think ND handles this. I think ND by like...
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So we went to the show and then after the show we watched it, but we would pause it in the middle of the game and talk for fucking 35 minutes.
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We'd like smoke a joint and talk for 45 minutes. I'd be sitting there like, oh my god, this is the fucking game on, but it's Jay and I'm in his, you know, I want to suck his dick so I can't.
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Turn though, fuck it now. You feel like you could fast-forward a little bit. Yeah. And he does that thing where he Netflix's the game, or DVR's it, and then he hits fast-forward through the commercials. Oh, so do I. But his DVR...
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Is fucked up enough that it always shows you the first play.
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If that was an MD game though, I could've, I could've never done it. That's what I'm saying, that's all I mean. If it's Notre Dame, I can't do that. But the Eagles, I'm kind of...
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I'm a fan, but I, like, I would literally trade the entire, the Eagles could go down a plane crash if it meant a Notre Dame title.
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Why are you such a Notre Dame head? Uh, just, so long. It's not white trash. Uh, yeah, my grandpa, my grandpa played there, cousin, cousin played there.
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Where'd you play? I went to the army and then I quit. Did you? Yeah. My buddy went to army. Oh shit. And played football.
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You're saying under, but the spread. I'm not fucking with the over under, but take note.
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Their name's good, but there's still Clemson in Alabama, so.
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I think right now Vegas has Clemson as like an 11 and a half point favorite over Notre Dame. And I would take Notre Dame in that.
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We'll see. They haven't really fucking played anyone. They have two wins over ranked opponents. Their best win is over Syracuse, and they struggled against Syracuse. That's the hardest schedule in 10-5. They're damn fucked them up.
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>1442<2>3861<2>2905<2>4018<2>2673<2>2389<2>52<2>2958<2>3402<2>1795<2>1811<2>1295<2>1568<2>1568<2>1532<2>3602<2>1855
Uhm, right now, right now, probably Michigan?
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Just cause, for some reason the rankings love the Big Ten.
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That's a good one. I don't ever get to talk about sports. I'll let you guys talk.
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Sitting next to, this is just literally sitting next to two dickheads of Barnabees in Westchester right now.
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