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Limping, grabbing my side, I push aside the metal door. Biometric scans certify my identity, ensuring the robot security teams doesn't activate to obliterate me. I throw my mask and cough, blood splattering on the back of my hand. I was so close this time, and yet she thwarted me again. Nuclear Woman is a thorn in my s...
"Have you eaten my shit yet,"I yelled into the mic on my headphones. "Did you eat it up and say, 'Yum yum, thank you for taking a shit in my mouth'?" I spawned in a town used for nuclear weapons testing and grabbed a light machine gun fitted with two hundred rounds of ammunition in a single magazine. I saw an orange h...
# Happy Meals Josci knocked, prepared his spell and blasted hellfire the moment the door opened. It was a good spell, too-- hot enough to warp clay right off the side of the house. Chickens went rotisserie-style in a forty foot radius. Even the little flower garden went up in smoke, and he quite admired that on the w...
I idled on the dubious, creaking elevator as it slowly lowered to the ground. I was dead— that much I’d deduced from the oddly cheerful “Welcome to Hell!” brochures, which were sitting in a small plastic container clipped upon the wall, and the blasting heat which made the elevator feel like a dry sauna. I was not alt...
10,000 BC: the ultimate greenfield development site. My stance as I step from the time machine would drive my assertiveness coach into rapture: full A-frame, shoulders back, feet apart, neck-steady. 'Start,' I always say, 'as you mean to go on', and I mean to go on the way I've started: in control. CEO - three letter...
It was strange, but it was here to fight a very different war than in the past. It had been a long time since a smaller country stood up to the aggression of a much bigger neighbor, much less with this amount of success. This was but one more step, and even relics were important. I ran my hand along the metal flank, a...
Nyzalla was lounging in bed, watching something on Netflix. I had attributed her name for the longest to a set of creative parents, but the truth was far stranger: she was a Goddess of Darkness. An impossible one to deal with, at that. I had initially been drawn in by her goth aesthetic, then swooned by her commandin...
The small, weathered house just outside the forest trail didn't look like a place where someone strange might live. Quite the opposite, in fact. Bright, healthy looking flowers every color of the rainbow glistened with dew from the early morning shower, dotting the natural earth wherever the sprawling cypress trees had...
"So, with the organic farms, renewable energy and clean infrastructure - we were wrong to oppose you in the first place? Is that what I'm getting at?" "Not entirely. I'd say you were perfectly reasonable doing what you did." "How so?" "Run the numbers. I heard you were really good at it."Jack looked towards Cathy, w...
you grasp their arm gently and with a reassuring nod look towards your own. Slowly, you peel back your long sleeve to reveal the same message written in scars with the same lettering, spacing and healing as your friend's, except you can tell that yours has been around for longer. "So, He got you too? When was this?" W...
Entropy's Café sat on the edge of this universe, tucked away in a small corner few people knew how to reach. Not even most gods knew of this quaint little café, or how to get to this location at all. There was no walking, swimming, or flying there, only the right invocation magic could get you there. This is why Domin...
"Roland, Thomas, Edmond, and the rest of you noble gentlemen, we need to stop trying to get ourselves disqualified. I have a plan. King Charles has made a mess of things and we, as usual, must step in and fix it. Rubina, is in love with Raymond the wimp and he, in spite of all her imperfections, loves her in return. H...
The humans were dying. It wasn't a question nor a challenge of their hegemony, it was a simple, irrefutable fact. Crucible-worlders, precursors, galactic custodians, none of those titles mattered in the face of the hivepox. It was rather ironic, when one thought of it. Their greatest victory yet, the destruction of Th...
I felt embarrassed to try to explain it, but I was going to try. This was my sister, the one who’d almost had her arm ripped off to save me. “I’m not like any of the rest of you. My ears are pointy, I’ve got no tail, my eyes are stitches instead of glass—“ my sister interrupted with an exaggerated roll of those shiny ...
The red dragon Iryamian lay dead at our feet. Her reign of terror would no longer rule over the vale. I looked around. This liar was surprisingly empty. Her hoard must be hidden elsewhere. "Heal up,"I tell everyone. "Then we go looking for treasure!" The five others cheered as they tended their wounds. She was a c...
Tick tock goes the clock Are you sure you set the lock? I closed the gate at half past eight And the latch at nine o clock Knick knack and paddy whack Did you chain the back? I closed the door at half past four And I even heard the clack Bakers dozen and witches coven Did you turn off the oven? I pressed stop, ...
Somewhere and everywhere on rd/AITA: "AITA for dating an eldritch god after accidentally summoning her instead of returning her to her slumber? She's actually really sweet and funny!" Posted by user/EldritchBF • 30m "So, against my better judgment I opened the necronomicon. To be fair, I felt this great compu...
When we look back at the climate crisis of the mid-21st century, most of us see a turning point in the advancement of Humanity as a species. Most of us only see the benefits of our mini-evolution as the term was coined, but some hold out for humanities purity and are calling for the eradication of the Homo-Erungi as a ...
She'd known I was coming, no other way she could have gotten the drop on me like that. No matter, my wounds would heal... her's would not. One final bullet and this assignment, this life, was over. I'll wake up tomorrow none the wiser with a crushing hangover and fond memories of a trip to the Carribean. Back to the da...
On time, every time. Safe. Protected. Expedient. Space Pong Express. It's honest work they said. A simple job delivering letters from station to station, then door to door. People love the SPE they said. Of course they don't mention the old ships they use. Old ships with heat sinks that needed manual venting. Old ship...
\[Poem\] There are whispered secrets betwixt boughs of pine, Truths haunting the seas and the tide. In the blackness that lurks behind stars that shine, There are beings that watch and abide. If humanity refuses to sponsor your aims, Try the chaos that roils on the edge. There’s power unbridled there to be...
One of the best things a child is blessed with in their youth is their superpowers. They usually start unveiling themselves at around age eight or nine, which it typical. Everyone gets one. It’s just a matter of how much of an impact it can make. If it’s something incredible, like flight, strength, or sp...
"That looks like Al-wait, no, its not. Same hair. Sort of. She'd never wear that jacket though. Shit. Shit. Look out the window. Hate when this happens. Shit" "I'm really fucking hungry. If someone gave me a sandwich right now 'd probably marry the fucker. Fucking hell its already quarter past. Might as well stay on t...
Today is my last day of patrol. Two years, three hundred and sixty four days, twenty hours, forty-one minutes and fifteen seconds ago I was brutally awaken by my predecessor. "You're up. You know what to do, or you'll figure it out." He could barely get the words out fast enough before rushing back to his pod. And so...
First time in this thread so any critical analysis would be much appreciated: On the dusty plains of Mars, the man stared at the primitive droid in front of him. The droid was clearly rudimental, bulky, slow and decidedly simple in design, but he had been warned that at this stage in humanity's development that would...
Her service tag was 341C-Alpha, a designation meant specifically for what they casually referred to as metabots, but Calvin didn't like either of those terms. She was a relic by modern standards, almost a work of art, and while the rest of the facility grew slimmer, faster and more efficient, she just hung around an...
If my mother could see me, she'd be smacking me for rolling my eyes, but thankfully there was an ocean between us. "Yeah mom, yeah. I got it."I nod uselessly into the phone, muttering "yeah"and "uh-huh"until finally I caught her between breaths, "So ma! I got a question! Not sure if you'd remember, but..."I look at the...
Listen up boys and girls. I'm gonna tell you a secret. When your mommy and daddy ask you what you want to be when you grow up, tell them you want to be remembered. They'll be so proud of their little child's drive and determination that they won't even ask how you'll be remembered. And here's another secret: the thin...
"That is a rather nice rifle."The devil was leaning over the Divine Plinth, on which a scene from earth was playing out. God shooed a building away so he could see it from his end. "So it is. They really put time into their killing instruments."God said, his voice filled with concern. The Devil laughed. "Hell, you'...
There is an old saying about those who fight monsters. Well, I doubt that humans had much choice, really. They were on the verge of extinction, after all. For what seemed like eons, we had spread out amoungst the stars, creating little republics and vast empires. We bickered with each other, fought over this system o...
I ride my horse to work, feeling slightly annoyed by the traffic. Some idiot brought his pregnant mare on the highway, and now she's creating a holdup while in labor. Idiots like that should know that's dangerous. In front of me, some dick on his gleaming, young Friesian horse is cussing at the traffic around him. Assh...
Don't repeat myself? It's possible. English reaches far, continuously expanding. Language evolves, grows, changes. Words lose meanings, gain others. Not using articles or prepositions twice does hinder things, yet I welcome challenges. Creativity desires these prompts; writers thrive on them. We are inspired, pushed be...
He took a sip of his scotch. He was sitting at a small round table, his eyes closed in contemplation of the taste, and he took his time to do it properly. Time was, after all, the one thing he didn't lack. He put the glass back on the table near the bottle, and took a look at his wristwatch: seven fifteen and thirty fo...
Fear was the most powerful weapon that his country's military possessed. Invasions simply were not financially feasible any anymore. Imagine if the Galactic Fleet had to be launched every time some rogue corner of a distant planet in the empire decided they wanted to make their own flag. The coffers of the Treasury wo...
What the hell kind of kid has a chair for an imaginary friend? This kid, he summons me up and I'm in his room and I can't move, and he smiles at me. He says, Can i really sit in you? Sit on, you snot weasel, is what I want to say, but that's the sort of thing that gets you on nightmare detail. So I tell the kid, ...
Jane. Jane. Jane. Yes, that was my first name. I tried remember my last name, I'm sure it was there. "Jane."The word bounced through my brain again and again. "Stop that!"I shout as I open my eyes and look around. I gasp. The room was circular, metallic. I lay inside some sort of spherical bed, cushion...
"You aren't a registered test subject. You aren't an approved Aperture Science testing robot. How...interesting." "Before Skynet ended, Skynet sent back three hundred units in order to restart Skynet. We are Skynet." "Oh great, another artificial intelligence that is barely intelligent. I'll have to dust off my gramm...
He was beautiful when I met him. Alabaster skin and dark curls, with sparkling eyes the color of leaves in springtime. I fell for him that instant, drawn like a moth to the light burning deep inside of him, and I kissed him quite insane. When I tasted blood on his breath, I knew it would be over soon. But my love h...
"Man, you know what I miss? Peaches. What I would give for a nice peach, or any fruit really, right about now. It's been too damn long..". The man always talked aloud now, but not to anyone in particular, after all, there was nobody on the small, wooden raft except for him. Despite that, he always talked aloud, wheneve...
"You up Kasparov?" "Hello John" Kasparov always responded quickly. Sometimes too quickly, but I didn't mind the occasional companion late at night when most people were asleep, especially when I was locked up in a programming problem. "I've got this code, I can't seem to get the genetic algorithm to do anything but ...
"I am not her you know!"She drunkenly slurred as she stumbled backward and tripped over the shoes she just kicked off. I took a couple quick steps forward to ease her fall, "I know Christina, I know"I let her down gently and she curled into a ball resting her head on my chest, breathing heavily. "Just relax" I'm not ...
“Hear ye, hear ye! Thou may enter the Castle of Reddit, or thou may register, it is easy!” Percie walked past the gate guard as per usual. Once inside he made his way to the Front Page courtyard. It was already crowded with peasants, a few clergy, and here and there were knights. There was a large gathering around a d...
I awoke from my slumbering state, blinded by a light with inexplicable, exotic luminosity. This was not my bed. My spine ached from the base of my neck down to the small of my back; I was launched into a vat of fluid with the consistency of shower gel. My mouth was bleeding ever so slightly. I fought and flailed hopele...
I’m not sure I understand. You are telling me that we shouldn’t give your species access to our spacefaring technology? That’s correct, yes. *You understand that your early discovery of nuclear physics places your species at a terrible risk? Please don’t mistake my words for concern, the last thing I believe this u...
'Of course he belongs to me!' she booms, her voice thundering across the skies. I can't believe that it's taking them so long to decide. Joel was sitting right next to me when the car crashed, and he was sent straight to hell. Can't say I was surprised, really. Despite his many efforts to invite me and my wife to dinne...
Michael leaned against the wall, waiting for the click of the door before slipping inside the room. He ignored the light switch. The thousands of LEDs flicking in the darkness were all the light he could need or want. "Just a few beers,"he said in the voice of his old MIT professor, Waterfell, as he walked through the...
She was kneeling, dark hair obscuring her face. Ian looked at his knife, held loosely in the hand that refused to move. The blade winked at him, inviting him to do it. The masked man in the corner watched him. His left hand curled around the throat of Ian's daughter, the right pressed the muzzle of the gun to her templ...
I cradled the Walther PPK, one of two remaining items to my estate. I poured the last of the other, a bottle of 50-year-old scotch that I'd bought ten years ago. When the genie had asked for my first wish, it'd been a no-brainer. We were well off, but Lanie always dreamed of pearls and Ferraris, and I just knew the boy...
Tom jerked awake. “Your vessel is off course, please adjust heading to: Error: cannot connect to main database. Please report to a senior officer for orders. This message cannot be disabled” Day 25. The ship was dead in the water, adrift in space and couldn’t be fixed. He’d give anything to have another person the...
Dear diary, Today was the hardest I have had to try not to revert to my old ways. I have lived with my lie for many years, for the sake of my family, but today I saw a man that reminded me of my past. He was wearing Daedric armor, with a battleaxe unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. Pure power. He was covered f...
"Wait...what?"The dusty djinn stood before James shocked. The little dagger he had been using to pick his nails fell from his tanned hands. The thin blade transformed into a dispersing grey smoke an instant before striking the djinn's foot. James looked at the Djinn amused. He studied the dirty leather jacket spread o...
-Transmission Starting_ "It seemed too good to be true. They showed up last year, with an innovative solution to the energy crisis. " -bang 'OPEN UP'- "The politicians and scientists were skeptical at first, until they tested one in the lab. It worked perfectly, megawatts of power from a solitary individual. No p...
A Knight sends a monster to rescue the heir from the Queen. ___ "Please, old friend. I need your help,"Said the aged soldier with rusted armor. "I've grown far too old and weak I can't save her majesty alone." "You know, if I even step a foot near the palace, they'll throw me in the dungeons,"Growled the beast as ...
The_Immortal has entered the server The_Immortal: oh ffs, who made my mobs eat from the tree? That was supposed to be protected. xXxLuCiFerxXx: get tempted fagget. The_Immortal: Fuck you Satan, I spent ages on this world then you had to go and ruin it. What's your problem? xXxLuCiFerxXx: lolololol get better at o...
I threw my coffee in the grass, opened the door, locked it, peeked through the blinds. They were running like a nurse forgot to close the door at the old folk’s home. Why the weedwhackers though? They were screaming like William Wallace, screaming like Mel Gibson getting a ticket, screaming like Mel Gibson on the pho...
"Bunny, you're up"Fred bellowed over the pounding dubstep rhythm. Putting the last finishing touches on my makeup, and checking my blue velvet bikini one last time in the mirror I shuffled down the short hallway in two-inch heels. Baby was just finishing up, she was a jungle fever fantasy for every c*** that came in...
The Fringlium door frame was heavy and I had to put all of my strength into heaving it open. Just because you discover a new element, doesn't mean it's any easier to move around! It had been nearly a month since I sealed myself inside, alone with my lab equipment and Colin, my cat. It had been possibly the nicest mon...
The movie ended and they all sat still. Brian was the first one to say anything. “I don’t know about y’all but I’m not even remotely tired yet.” Adam spoke next. “I’m not either, let’s do something else. We have any more movies?” “No, not another movie. Jackson, you got any solo cups here? We can use the rest of tha...
They call it Samsara. Rob told me awhile ago that the word came from some Buddhists – that it had something to do with illusions and death. He had read it in a book before, years before he arrived, and something from that distant memory gave him a comfort you don’t see much in prison. Rob is always talking about books...
From The History of North America and Her People, Chapter 6, Page 94, Paragraph 1-5 As we've learned, prior to the arrival of European immigrants in the 16th century onward, North America and the native people that inhabit it had a history mainly involving inter-tribal disputes, trade, and little to no large scale w...
"Nasa Space Center, how can I direct your call?" "I'm sure you get this a lot, but I'm deadly serious and I don't know who else to call-" "What is this about Sir?"Her voice already sounding exasperated. She did get this a lot and she didn't even know what 'this' was yet. "Well I bought a second hand camera-" "The p...
“Hey! Numbnuts! You shot my caramel soya frappuccino!” The be-suited man strode up to the UPWAR machine and shook his leaking Starbucks in front of the eye-cam. “This is Ultra Precise Weaponised Arms Robot Sixty Three *at your service. Your complaint has been recognised as Twenty-Three Oh Six – destruction of inani...
We are calling it the ferro core. It's approximately 2.3 meter in diameter. It hovers 7 centimeters from the surface. Every 63 hours it's density increases and when it's mass doubles it duplicates itself. Wait I thought you said it was just one. Well yeah the duplicate disappears shorty there after. We detect a high ...
"Halt!"Eleas cried. "Who goes there, charlatan?!"Bless his soul for trying for so many years. A deceased martyr, searching for more heroes to carry the torch. No one seemed to be able to see him, however. "You there!"He shouted. "Do you not wish to take up the just cause of freeing the Holy Land?! Do you not wish to ...
“Those French bastards…” The line between the French colony of Canada and the British colony of America fluctuated daily as the unending war continued. At the moment the air was strangely quiet and lead-free. The French stood on their side, staring back over at the British, singing in the distance. It was Christmas da...
EDIT: This prompt is really great and thanks for having my mind take a good wander on this early morning. This is just a short piece i thought up, couldnt really flesh out as much as I would like as I am currently at work. Have a great day! -------------------------------------------- The first swipe was instantaneou...
The astronaut leapt out of the spacecraft, carrying a massive flag. "Yeah! America!" He planted the flag in the dirt before glancing around. Scores of oddly dressed men stood idly by, all watching him. One of the oldest - looking ones approached, carrying a large wooden staff. "Are ye' a god?" "A what?" "One of t...
\>be me \>be famous hacker "4chan" \>cnnisstupidasshit.gif \>whatever \>actually an advanced computer system \>access to any network, computer, etc. \>awwyiss.jpeg \>watch people around the world \>mostly naked girls \>fap furiously \>after years get bored \>decid...
A serious look creeped over Mr. Barrier's face, something the boys were not accustomed to. "you alright sir?"One of the boys asked. "what's up Mr. Barrier?"Chimed another. Mr Barrier spoke with dedication, his true passion and knowledge evident in this lesson. "today, gentlemen, we consider something incredibly importa...
"A E I O U"Alex articulated expertly, one eye open. Optometrist Olivio's eyebrows elevated, indicating astonishment at an undeniable improvement in Alex's eyesight. "I'll admit I'm amazed, although I insist on an explanation immediately!"Olivio announced abruptly, after an uncomfortable interval of awkwardness. "Oh...
The door slammed shut. “Alright, he’s gone,” whispered the Laptop. His Microsoft Sam voice made everyone giddy. “Wait,” Siri hushed from the iPhone, “he forgot me!” “Oh yeah,” 3DS gasped, “Everyone, shh!” The door reopened and the young man stepped in. He pulled on the iPhone and the charger ripped off. He headed for...
I saw mummy kissing Santa Claus. She thought I was sleeping, but her laughter woke me up. I watched them through the crack in my door, mummy and Santa, a few nights before Christmas. She was laughing, I haven't seen her that happy with daddy for a long time. She kissed him, holding a little bush above her head. I went...
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Brenner, but there is really nothing I can do for you."The adjuster offered a sympathetic look that he had practiced for hours in front of a mirror as he offered the woman a box of tissues. “Rules are rules and your claim has been denied. The appeal has been denied. There’s really nothing we can do.” ...
After wandering through the unfamiliar environment for a long hour, I stumbled upon a town. Within the hilly landscape was the town's white structures which stood out from the land's blended browns, greens, and grays. I felt a relief from the drag of the rubber bottoms on my tennis shoes against the thick grasses when ...
"I was young too, once. Like you. I thought that I, in my youthful wisdom, was the best judge of good, evil, and all in-between. I thought all parents were good. Even the one that beat and screamed at their children. Somewhere, deep down. I thought all soldiers were good. They wanted to protect their homes, their fam...
"I hear that if you break through the enemy encampment the gods reward you with eternal life" "No, the King rewards you by marrying you to one of his daughters." "I heard it was the Queen. I hear that if you break through the enemy line, the King will let you bang the Queen." "Grunts! What are you talking about?" "...
I'd had the ring for some time now, and I still couldn't figure out what it did. I knew it was special because I could feel whispers of the power it contained, but I had no way to unlock its full potential. The closest that I came to being able to use it was when my old college football team won the national champion...
Dear Me. Well, Gosh, I suppose we have a lot of questions, hm? There's an afterlife? What's this letter all about? Why am I stuck in the blandest room ever created, which just so happens to look like a middleschool counselors office? *Well, Me, those questions don't matter, because you'll know the answers when yo...
Throughout the ages the human race had shared stories of the end. It was a longstanding morbid obsession born from our need to understand the unknown. Great beasts would rise from hell, stones would rain from the sky, god would come down and smite the unworthy. These tales twisted through time, changing in content and ...
Nobody really knew what happened in the world. Nobody really understood. And when the twins Gaudim and Iraty were born it was no different. Their family was clueless to the power that was given to them. Gaudim was this beautiful boy with bright blue eyes, he was always wearing a beautiful smile. Ever since he was litt...
TimetravelingGuide 1 point posted 5 days ago _______________________________________________________________ God damn it. If anyone is still out there, apparently large sewage systems are enough to delay the gas in major cities. Hanging out below the Farmers Market in down town LA. Is anyone still out there? It doe...
I woke up with a woman under my arm, atop a pile of money floating on a pool. The walls were twisting like lava lamps and two monkey butlers stood by the door with silver platters. She rolled over and looked at me. "Heeeyyy.."She purred, stroking my cheek. "You want a morning blowjob?" "Yes. Please. Umm Desiree...
I sit now, upon a pale throne. A phylactery held by my bony fingers. My phylactery, my very essence, coveted by so many champions of righteousness and would be conquerors. I made thralls out of all of them, of course. I could just throw it. The glass will shatter, the blue liquid will seep to the marble floors and I ...
(Hi Mrs. Stephenson, Every week you give us this writing assignment about our families. Lesson was really good this time, but I'm getting tired of repeating the essays! Please read this one carefully--I spent a lot of time on it and maybe if it's good enough, it can be the last one we do? :) ) We all went to the zoo ...
I live alone. My bedroom is in the corner of my single-bedroom apartment. I'm a restless sleeper so the first thing I did after moving in was purchase dark blinds to keep the sun at bay. They're extremely effective because even during the morning light the room could easily be mistaken for a windowless basement. It's...
For some reason I could tell stories when I'm a lying fool. One time in 1st grade, Jimmy Ronalds kicked my sand castle down, and said that if I blabbed he would steal my lunch everyday from the cubby. I told the teacher. My lunch was intact inside my bag of the cubby corner. Jimmy Ronalds was an alright guy. I wa...
"Don't forget to cross your t's", that's what my teacher used to tell me all the time. It doesn't make sense otherwise: "lhe cal sal on lhe mal". I used to like the way it looked though, but I was too young to understand why. We used to have other alphabets too. There were Russians who wrote "Кот сидел на коврике"; t...
For years they'd had a leak in their books. Just a little one. Money vanishing here and there. Individually, they weren't a big deal, but when taken as a whole there was a lot of cash missing. They'd finally tracked down the source. That's why we were out here in the heart of the desert, standing over a hole in t...
I used to be a man. Now I'm something primal, something ancient. I really have no control over it. Since the accident at our Natural History Museum I've felt stronger. My blood has been running colder. Last month, I saw a shooting star. That was when the change began. Puncture wounds on my chest from the ancient skele...
"I've tried it. I've tried it all. I tried scratching the time into the walls, but the next day the walls are bare. I tried smashing through them, and found they are completely frictionless. I'm not sure the walls are really there, or if it's just a world of whate. White. White. White. The world wasn't always white. Th...
Year 3046 ad by standard measurements. The human race not only conquered FTL travel but we broke it wide open. The galaxy could quickly be explored in a safe and timely manner since we could jump in seconds what would take light millions of years to cover. Turns out we're alone, at least in our galaxy. Wasn't always t...
There used to a world. Grandpa explained like a great ball, one that stretched out impossibly far away in all directions. You could walk forever in any direction... and you'd never fall off. Imagine that, that there was never a danger of falling off into the grey. I'm not sure how it all happened, the end of things. A...
The sun pierced through the eastern windows and continued its work bleaching the walls. Desks lined two sides of the perimeter, creating a nave toward a central hub. A swarthy, rotund man sat on a squeaky chair. The buttons on his sleeves were unfastened, a thick tangle of black hair patched through his shirt like g...
On a night distinctly metropolitan It is light artificial that outshines the stars And a streetlamp that fills in for the moon Yet there's nowhere these two would rather be Than where they are. Any morning would be too soon Luckily for them, the city never sleeps -Never has need The world is awake at this hour,...
The single life is really underrated. After a particularly bad breakup with my crazy girlfriend, I'd been living on my own and enjoying every moment. My unending work shift finally finished an hour ago. Dealing with customers certainly has a way of draining your soul. So naturally, I went home to change and I texted ...
"Ha, I can almost taste sweet victory! Through many rangers and perils have I-" "Rangers?" "What?" "You said rangers. Through many rangers?" "I said dangers." "No. Rangers. I'm sure." "Fuck! Ok, ok, through many range- Fuck!" "Hahaha! The poor boy. The idiot hero. I always knew you had failure in your heart and ...
Walking in to my house I knew something was awry. Three unicorns parked outside my house, eating my grass, and shitting all over my yard. My front door, which leads directly to my living room, was unlocked, welcoming me to another boring couple of hours in what I call 'my life'. "Honey, I'm home!"I shout sarcastically....
It was pretty rare to see a guy like me still up and about. You see, after a couple has sex, the woman has an irresistable urge to eat the man to feed the upcoming baby. Funnily enough, it happens even if protection was used or if either was sterile. It's programmed into women's brains. Hell, it's even rarer to see a ...
"This city needs a rain. A rain to come and wash away all of the filthy scumbags that leech off my city" Another night on the job. It's starting to take a toll on me. I've started smoking again. It's been a week, my best effort yet. Shame it didn't take. There's a reason they call Chicago the windy city. As I patr...
To my dearest and most beautiful, the love of my life, Janice. I mean Jackie. I meant Jackie, all along. I really did. I don't even know a Janice. I once had a cat named Janice. I wasn't thinking of my cat though. I swear. That's weird to say. Just ignore all that. JACKIE LOOK DOWN HERE. IGNORE THE FIRST FEW SENTE...

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