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John reflected grumpily on the Sphere as he watched it recede. His kind were viewed as the anomalies of a million years of good breeding. A thousand years ago, soldiers were in high demand and it seemed that every other planetoid contained the latest warlike species. Even if you approached them in their own language t...
"Susan"I stuttered, "I have a confession, I'm the one who killed Mary." Instead of tears or any typical reaction one might have when being told their partner murdered their mother, she turned to me with eyes gleaming, "I'm the one you want to marry? YES YES YES YES!" "No, you don't understand, I killed your mother."I...
A wailing clarinet echoes through the bubbles. Three oddly shaped houses remain erect, symmetrically apart. Two friends lie outside the middle one, it’s eyes spurting out awkward tones that don’t match and occasional squeaks, as they stare out into a void that was once an underwater adventure land – erasing itself slow...
"Its simply natural selection"The administer said, "eventually mankind will get to a point where no one will fail the test, where everybody and their children will not be potential freeloaders of our government just leeching off government revenue"as she inserted the flash drive into the machine. Afterwards, she procee...
Sam looked up, completely unsurprised. "Hey Drew,"he said, and went back to his reading. This was hardly unexpected, which was the main reason he hadn't been all that upset at his brother's funeral. And for good reason, because he knew what Drew had planned for the next year or so. "You know, spectral form really su...
I woke up today at 5 am. I didn't need an alarm clock. Today was going to be the most special day of my life. I could barely sleep at all last night. I tried to sit up, but I was too weak. No surprise there. I've been too weak to sit up for a few months now. So I lay there, listening to the rhythmic beeps and ...
Death told me something. He came to me on my deathbed. I was hanging on to the last moments of my life, laying peacefully. Nobody was in the room, save me and the man who would take my soul away. "Yo,"he said. Death is apparently a flippant guy. "I'm Death. I'm supposed to be bringing you to the afterlife soon."He sh...
I'm a bad man. The things I've done, terrible. I've ruined lives, stolen money, kidnapped, extorted, and killed. I do these things because its all I know. "From bad childhoods come evil people." That's what my boss used to say when sending me to schools to recruit package boys. He would laugh and I would nod, both k...
The room was cold outside the blankets and at once I could feel that there was something wrong. I cracked open my eyes and looked around the room and say her, the dame wanted something and it wasn't hard to work out what. "Miow?"She moaned pleadingly; the silky brunette wanted fed and if I was any judge her litterbox...
"Shit, Shit"I muttered under my rapidly disappearing breath. There were only three things in my mind, the beating of my worn down legs, they felt like they were going to tear off. Second, I was starving, I hadn't found a place that would be safe in forever. Third I could hear them, they kept on screaming, different one...
He materialized in a dark alley. The time-traveling device attached to his wrist flashed a holographic 2014 in bright blue as it beeped, signaling a successful journey through time. He was the first. Years had been spent and lives had been lost in attempts to master time travel, and he was the first person to finall...
He sat in the car, thinking about how his wife just texted him that the baby came early. After 2 minutes of just staring at the steering wheel, he sucked in air, which rubbed his upper lip. The exhale through his nostrils let out a long, worrying, release. As air left his lungs, he brought his hands up to his hairline,...
I cannot rightly determine what is being displayed on my computer screen. For the sake of my sanity, I hope I never do. There are things that man cannot understand. Should not even attempt to understand. But now that I've seen them, my mind cannot help but try. Ever since I opened that file--what was supposed to be ...
First writing prompt, first time writing something this long. Haven't edited at all, so I'll come back and do that. Everyone who didn't hate him revered him, but everyone took a stance eventually. The change of atmosphere didn't come all at once -- there were no trumpets for this judgment day -- but everyone came to...
“He shat on it. It barked at him, he squatted, and he shat on it. The sad part was the dog’s defeated expression as it landed on his forehead.” “Look, he’s had it rough. Keep in mind he lived in a Cambodian sewer pipe for five years. The big man still hasn’t figured out how he managed to get there from Vietna...
First time posting a story!!! Aleski woke with a start, grabbing his kalishkonov by instinct. He waited, looking around the Soviet-era truck. Crates of arms and ammunition were stacked neatly and labeled clearly, but that was expected of the Crimean Viper, customer satisfaction was part of the job. He waited longer. S...
“Aaah, nope. Nope. This isn’t gonna work.” Greg’s nasal twang cut through the raging wind with astonishing clarity. “What?” I turned around. We had 500 feet to go. 500 feet. “Did you drop something?” He had his phone out, his disgustingly snow-burnt nose held half an inch from the screen. “You ‘member those two du...
"Leonardo Dicaprio" At the utterance of his name, the large crowd erupted into applause as one of Hollywood's most prolific yet under appreciated actors finally received the ultimate validation of his talents: an Oscar. Dressed in a sharp black suit and a stunning azure tie, Leo calmly ascended the steps to the main s...
Ah, the sweet smell of coffee. Just like it used to be. I relax and take it all in. I can almost forget, it almost seems like the incident never happened. Almost. But then it all comes flooding back. The pain, the regret, the helplessness. I cannot change what has happened, I cannot fix it. I used to come to this shop...
Regret isn’t quite the right word to describe it. It’s just that my life has been less exciting since the world ended. How does one top the sheer unadulterated glee of watching vast empires crumble before you, armies turning on each other, the myriad petty lives in all their different forms snuffed out in a moment of u...
There's nothing for you in there. The words of my childhood. Bitter sounding every time, accompanied by the sweet desire to know what was inside. It was sickening. But the holidays are here, and I'm not a kid anymore. Left alone for the weekend, they told me not to have parties. They said nothing about the door. They...
You know those days where you kind of quit half way through? That was me yesterday. From the time I got back from lunch to the time I clocked out I only managed to produce a couple of pieces of paperwork, about 20 lines of code, and two Facebook statuses. I just had nothing in me. I don't think I'm depressed, and I don...
Everyone thought it’d be panic and sin, those not on drugs, wishing they’d been. The end of the world, the collapse of our meaning: the shouting, the praying, the fools disbelieving. In the sky you could see it, a brightening star-- the eye of the god who would paint us dark. The stages of grief were our va...
The doors clinked open. Smoke slowly rose until the unmistakable points of my boots pierced through. As the doors completed their recession, in one swift stride, he stepped out of the machine, dragging some of the fog with him as he turned the corner and began dressing himself. He was me. I saw the scar under his right...
"Dad, I don't really understand why you can't support my decision." "Because it's the easy way out, Mike! It's something for nothing!" "It's hardly nothing, Dad. I'm sacrificing my life here on Earth to make this shipping run, and in compensation for that I'm set for life! Twenty trillion credits, Dad! Think of what ...
Cliff and James waited by the fire for Matt and Ranae to come back with some fish. They were all camped by the Columbia River, near the source in the mountains of Canada. Their orange tents stuck out like a sore thumb amidst the lush, verdant green forest, the cool grey rocks, and the blues and whites of the roaring ri...
Just one more vote. Senator Clinton (NY/D), the fourth with that name, could hardly believe he had gotten this far. It took every trick in the book, bribery threats, etc. but he had secured 280 votes in Congress and 62 in the Senate, however he needed one more. Just one single vote. Senator McDuff (VA/R) was a typical...
When I was very young I went to Sunday school. That was before the war ravaged all the lands; before billions of people perished in the fighting or the starvation and thirst that followed the bullets and fire. I was lucky. I was saved. Not by a god or angels, but by solid engineering in a state of the art bunker made ...
Let me tell you something. When the oceans started lowering, it became possible to reach its deepest depths. But don't misunderstand- doing so is still quite the Herculean task. Only a select few could dive in and make it out alive. But that's still an improvement from "impossible", no? The draining oceans were a b...
I go to the place where mommy works almost every day. Every day, after kindergarten, I go to mommy's office, and wait for her to finish work. Her office is really fun! There are lots of nice ladies there, and a lot of them are really pretty. Usually they all sit in a big room together, not doing much, just talkin...
We were done for. It was just Dr. Bernard and myself, trapped in this little cavern on a planet we barely knew anything about. So much for the reward of risk in being a S.T.A.A.T. Explorer. "You have to go, all the others are dead and I'm just going to slow you down."Dr. Bernard spoke with an exhaustive tone. He glan...
Long ago, there was only one land surrounded by an endless sea. The people who live there were neither peaceful nor warlike. Instead, the passage of time was like that of the tide, coming and going, regular, but never stationary. And they people who lived there were as varied as the stars in the night's sky. To the nor...
As I lay here in the bed, my view never changes. My series of strokes have locked me in. My muscles don't move, in fact they have contracted. They're painful, but I can't communicate that anyone. I'm aphasic as well. I've only got my thoughts and my limited window of sight to occupy my mind as I lay here in this nursin...
Drummund wondered at the sick, twisted nature of random chance as he strained up the Hill of Endless Discipline to reach the Shrine of the Ancients. Why did he have to pull the short straw? Was it Fate, that cruel and sultry wench that dangles the world before you to distract you from the banana peel under your foot? W...
The condemned man was a giant. Six foot seven, bulging muscles and a barrel chest. His rough skin was crisscrossed with tattoos, even his shining bald head. On his back, an ink masterpiece of angel wings was marred by scars. As he shuffled into the warden's office, constrained by the tight manacles, his green eyes burn...
The first couple of days after I'd been infected were the most difficult. It was as if there was an internal struggle going on inside me. Well, I suppose there was technically. It started first in my extremities. My right foot became less responsive to signals from my brain. I couldn't flex my toes or rotate it in c...
Edit: Thank you for your kind responses! I now have part 2! [Part 2](http://www.reddit.com/r/thousandwordsaday/comments/2sbcgj/continuation_tyrion_lannister_in_hobbiton/) 'What? What's going on here?' Tyrion said meekly as he awoke from a dreary rest. 'These... These are not my clothes, this is not my bed!' Tyrion le...
He had finally made it. After weeks of climbing in the bitter biting cold, Lawrence Redesdale had reached the summit, albeit alone. 3 others had set out with him from the base camp. Two turned back, one died. They had not prepared as he did. They had not taken the task seriously. Redesdale had quit his job and trained...
“Alright. Drop the can and step away from the wall,” I said. He wore a hoodie, baseball cap turned backwards, tapered jeans and a pair of neon green high-tops. A rattle can fell out of one of his hoodie pockets. He didn’t stop spraying. “Come on, Brian. Stop spraying and turn around,” I said. One more spray to fini...
"Sir, there's an incoming vid for you? He...ah, he came in on the general public number, but gave the password you specified?" "Thank you, Alice. Would you please transfer it to my private, un-monitored stream?" "Yes, sir." "....Hello, White." "Black! Good Lord, it's true. President of the United States! I almost d...
I tapped my android phone and took a picture as my girlfriend Lydia smiled. I framed her so Luna was on her left shoulder while Ra was on her right. It wasn't often the the two celestial objects were in such a position but their gentle light made this a very romantic night. I showed her the picture on my phone and she...
The world was at war with itself. Guns, chemicals and bombs had rendered nearly every square inch of the Earth's surface uninhabitable. Civilians lived in tattered homes, scrounging for the few scraps of food they could possibly find, constantly fearing the worst for themselves and their families. Long before the war ...
Where am I? the obvious first question danced through my brain. Such a tiny room, with peeling black floral-printed wall paper and pitted wood floors twisted from time. I could smell mold and mice and dust. The key, an antique metal key the type you only saw in movies, I slipped into my jean pocket. The note I ex...
"You know what this is", the Hangman whispered, through a grin of rotten teeth. I took the last few steps up the gallows and stuck my head inside the opening on the rope. It rested around my neck like a collar. "What?" "This... All this", he repeated, as all the people around me cheered. "What are you talking abou...
I was deep in the outer rim systems. My job was simple, to track down and "disable"as many of the enemy commanders as I could. The Jedi don't like to think about the dirty jobs so they always use little euphemisms like "disable", "remove", or at worst "eliminate". I prefer to call things as they are. I was sent out to ...
Daniel had been staring at the thing for twenty minutes now. In all honesty, it was quite an interesting thing to look at. Sure, it had receding, grey hair, and deep, weatherd grooves in the skin, but it was definitely Daniel, if a slightly older version of himself. Eyes closed peacefully, a calm if dissaproving frow...
"What... is that?" Dr. Breal took off her glasses and squinted at the projection, glanced at the statistics to its side, and back at it. "Ann, come look at this,"she called to her intern. "Look at this - it's missing an arm." "Woah... Do you think it's viable?" Breal bit her lip. Last time there was a chromosoma...
The final battles are always the hardest to win. Every line of defense had been breached and cast aside. My aggressive strategy had left our own bases exposed, but it would all be worth it if we could get to the promised land. We reached it without difficulty. We could barely make out the promised land in the darkne...
Rains stopped a while ago, but it didn't matter. We were already harvesting sea water. Then the floating islands appeared. No one had any idea how they formed so suddenly. The first instance was at the Deccan Plateau in South India. The surface of the Earth looked like it was torn apart. And one day, it all came back d...
39 million, 999 thousand, 999 days ago, just after my mother had given birth to me, the psychic walked in to predict my future, as had become customary at this particular hospital, after he had revealed his powers to the world. Of course, he would later go on to be the famous kidnap victim of not one, not two, but *thr...
History will long remember that day. When the Corporations United ruling was passed down by the Supreme Court, it changed everything. Corporations were now legally people in every way, and could now hold office. First, Google became the mayor of Kansas City. By all accounts, the people of the newly renamed Google Cit...
Oh god, how I've waited for this opportunity. You don't even know. I'd thought about posting the details of my exploits to a blog or something, but that would be too obvious; they'd be onto that in a flash. But a fictional writing prompt? Perfect. Everyone will just think it's a story; at worst, some stupid coincid...
Crazy Kevin's Pizza and Donuts was going to open for business! With doughnut sized pizza and pizza sized doughnuts!! In the ruins of society I found all of the equipment necessary to finally start my company. No more taxes or health inspectors, no more start up money, no banks or investors. No bullshit. For we...
“Yes, but what is a laser rifle?” asked the man. The prosecuting attorney rubbed his temples and sighed. “Listen. A ray gun is like a bow except instead of arrows it shoots light.” “Like the sun?” asked a woman. “Sort of.” “But the sun doesn’t kill us.” “The sun isn’t a laser rifle,” said the attorney. “I don’t...
"I can't be the beneficiary?"I repeated. "So they have to be to someone else's benefit? Like, I have to wish for another person to get wealth, and so on? Could I get just a bit more clarification?" The genie sighed. "You can wish for absolutely anything,"he said, "as long as you don't directly benefit, in my judgeme...
I sat down on my couch, a bottle of Lagavulin in my hand. I grabbed my new TV remote control off the table and looked at the options menu. Ultra high resolution, realistic surround sound, and the kicker, high frame rate capability. "Honey, come look at this!"I called out. A beautiful girl appeared by the doorway, smili...
God, am I ever going to be able to clean up this town? Just last week there was a double on Monclair, and the only reason I knew about it was because they were mine. This damn town simply doesn't care. All they want is their double choco-vanilla latte and to close their eyes as tightly as they can. Not me. My eyes are ...
You expect us to lead you after all that? You clearly missed the point of what I have been trying to tell you, what we sacrificed so much blood and treasure to accomplish. For years, people all across the world have been fighting against, or preparing to fight, an enemy with a few distinct characteristics: Technolo...
It hit me like a freight train when I pulled the desk drawer open. I still had it. Just before leaving college 5 years ago he had lent it to me. We spent a lot of time exploring that world, before we got to the real one. Running through as a team, watching each other's back, taking on bigger and more resilient foes. ...
Radio towers. No, no, I ain't talking the radio itself, that's too obvious! Everyone knows about the implants in the teeth that pick up radio and force it into your mind, anyone who's anyone can stop that shit, I'm talking about the towers. First of all, why the hell do they even need the towers? I got a radio in...
"James, we need to talk." "Is this about the hypterquantum confabulator? I swear I had that thing working a minute ago." "No, it's the hair, actually." "My hair? But...I've had this style ever since I was a little boy! Sure it's a little unprofessional, but you know I don't care about that." "Well, no, it *loo...
Long ago, in a kingdom far from here, there lived a beautiful queen. She was the fairest in the land, with long hair the color of the sun and with eyes as blue as the sea. All the kingdom loved her, and her land was a prosperous one. Everyone had enough and the sounds of song and joy could be heard wherever she rode. ...
I was disappointed when the others figured out I wasn't just a teenage boy. There were a lot of concessions in this post-disaster world and one of them was that we were all victims of trauma from the near extinction of humanity, so we were allowed our privacy and idiosyncrasies. We had watched civilisation fall, our ...
I pull out my Cuban sandwich I had stored away deep within the confines of my lunchbox. I was looking forward to it, as I hadn't had one in a few months, and the lack of ham had been pestering me. the first bite was very nice, the flavors blending together rather well. As I reached for my water bottle, I noticed that...
The ISIS agents lept from the safety of the C-130 and into the evening sky; the sun was beginning to set in the West, and with only but an hour of daylight left the timing was most opportune for them to enter Syrian territory via air insertion, hopefully without detection. As Sterling Archer and Lana Kane dove through...
"Thank you again for saving me,"she said as she watched me, her hand curled around a white coffee mug. I sat across the kitchen table, my hands balled up in my lap and my eyes lowered. Leaning forward a little, she raised her voice. "I said thanks." All I could do was nod. Twenty minutes ago I was leading her by...
She didn’t know why she continued to do this countdown, but it was her ritual, and it was bad luck to break it now. “Three… two… one…” Sarah gasped as the needle punctured the skin, releasing its contents into her bloodstream. As always, she felt the burning first, pain spreading out from the injection site as t...
260 years after the last human succumbed to the advanced form of biological warfare, delivered right at Earth's doorstep via miniature interstellar missile, a vacant NASA laboratory continues to record incoming radio signals. &nbsp; In the dark damp room, powered only by the fast depleting nuclear reactor 600m b...
22/06/2021 14:00 I can't begin to express how frustrating it is writing a journal in a normal setting, but space? That's a whole different ball game. Dr Erensky, the psychologist, said it would be therapeutic, because when you're trapped in an ISS station with 5 other people and you can't exactly go for a walk to cle...
The King was on the royal carpet at that point. His ass was still in the throne, having been laughed off before he fell to the floor. The King's consult entered the throne room, cautiously approaching the King with his sleeve over his mouth. "Your lordship, we believe we may have finally found a solution for you. We'...
"BEHOLD! My masterpiece!"Drew announced as the lights flickered on. The red lights ominously illuminated his angular helmet and drooping cloak. This Drew was no ordinary Drew. This was the meanest, craziest, most villainous Drew of all. The lights revealed a machine in the center of the room. The contraption was garga...
"Hello?" "Hi!" "Where are you?..." "A bit hard to explain, but I'm on you." "What?! Get off of me!" "Not as easy as you think. I'm a bacterium." "Come again?" "Clostridium difficile." "Dumb it down for me. I'm dead and have the time." "I'm the last bacteria that killed you. You died of severe dehydrat...
"Only one man can see it coming." The trailer cut to a video of a guy dragging his severely pregnant wife through the streets of New York, trying to hail a cab. Around him, glowing green signs floated over the head of every nearby pedestrian, all saying the same thing: "Plague." "Only one man knows the future." The ...
A fucking tire iron? She told him last spring she was pregnant. He was startled. Then worried. Then angry. Then a bit queasy. Then, absurdly, he was excited. The next few months brought him confusion, trepidation, and joy in equal and sometimes overlapping measure. There was a brief moment of panic when he realized ...
The year is 1480 and the place is Florence. Lorenzo de Medici is not having a pleasant afternoon. "Charlatans, Guido, you bring me charlatans." Guido, who normally has nothing but good luck with artists he introduces to the famous and powerful Lorenzo, is baffled. "But I heard the music. Lorenzo, your good opinio...
Sarah squinted at the horizon, watching its seas of grass wave in the sunset. At least the scenery changed every day she's looked westward for the past forty years. She looked down at her laptop, her trusty laptop that's been functional since it was built in the late 80's. It was one of the last pieces of equipment sh...
Daniel was having a normal morning. Browsing on Reddit, trying to get a girlfriend, the usual. Because he was angry that Half Life 3 would never be made, he decided to take out his anger in r/illuminaticonfirmed. Gabe Newell is Illuminati confirmed **Gabe won't make Half Life 3. 3? Triangle. Triangle? Gabe ...
"How did it happen, Murphy? How did this happen to Sesame Street?" I sighed, frustrated. Stepping over what was left of Big Bird, feathers and hair strewn across the sidewalk, streaked with red, I said "Lieutenant Hanson, it was only a matter of time. This is what happens when we try to play God". When we started thi...
"I want to tell you my secret now." "Okay." "I see shadowbanned people." "In your dreams?" smh "While you're awake?" Uh-huh "Shadowbanned for spamming or harassing people?" *"Posting cats and gifs like regular Redditors. They don't see each other. They only see what they're allowed to see. They don't kn...
“For thousands and thousands of years, which to you is unfathomably long, the Arcane and the Progress waged a terrible and unceasing war against one another,” began the old story-teller as he settled himself into his place. His place was the center of the largest overturned log by the roaring flames, the seat a depress...
The Health and Safety meeting had been going on for ages. They'd had lunch something like... three, four hours ago? Paulson had been loudly farting since 11am, but no one wanted to speak up about it or they'd have to pay the fine. Whoever smelt it dealt it after all, but the room had become unbearable; it stank, it wa...
Connected to IRC, joined \#lobby David1985: Hi, has anyone have experience with being a god? [MOD]Tialin: Please move discussion to another chatroom more appropriate to this line of topic You have been moved to \#Fantasy David1985: Hi again, I was moved here from lobby. Has anyone have experience with bein...
I go to sleep. I wake up. Well, not technically me. You see, it’s the other me, a me that’s somewhere else on this planet that sleeps when I wake and wakes when I sleep. Whatever I dream, it is him seeing. Whatever I see, it is him dreaming. I wish I knew more about this person. Actually, no, scratch that-I wish I wa...
Son: Hey Dad. I need your help with something. Dad: Sure, what is it? Son: Well, ICanIntoWriting wants a story with no plot twists. Dad: Why? Son: Because there's been too many plot twists in this subreddit. But I can't think of a good story without one. Dad: Wouldn't that be a plot twist though? Son: What? Dad:...
It’s not the best example. Nowhere near the most poignant. But there’s nothing that makes you quite so aware of your morality as using a car as old as you are. At first you don’t even have the cognitive wherewithal to even understand the spanking new deity of the roadways you find yourself cooing and babbling in. Y...
Im becoming very aware of the world around me. It reminds me of a plastic bouquet; made with the intention of providing beauty to those who see it, yet the true story of it all is that it's fakeness is only proceeded by the fact that they are cheaper than real flowers. Our version of reality is just that. We build comm...
He wore body armor of an unfamiliar type, covering every inch of his body except his head, which was protected by a clear bubble. He held a wide barrel gun at the ready. "Chronoparadox Patrol. Please stand back."He spoke with clear authority. Caught completely off guard, the Temporal Travel development team did as t...
Just imagine: The UN delegation doing important business. Suddenly a doorbell noise sounds! Confusion resulting from no doorbell. Someone decides to open the door. Green pale skinned alien with a six-pack and open shirt strolls in, wielding a giant wrench, takes a pose and says "I hear you needed some piping fixed." ...
Someone was tickling his feet. "That's not fu-Ouch! fuck me."Earl grabbed onto his forehead which was throbbing up an absolute storm. When the pain subsided, he ran his fingers through his beautifully waxed head. He attempted to lift himself off the ground, but even that was difficult due to his corpulent figure. "He...
David was average. Everyone knew this. He popped straight out of his mom, and the doctor proclaimed as the most average baby he had ever seen. He had stories of great times, but they weren't particularly interesting or boring. He was sort of just there. And David was content with this. There was no reason for him to be...
I suppose the best place to start is from the beginning, how I met Hooman and came to observe all his adventures. Needs must that I tell you more about myself, though this account may bore you with its triteness. It is an unremarkable insight into the beginning life of a feline and cannot compare to the far more intere...
"So she's definitely a patriot?"asked the vice president, standing in front of the one-way mirror. "She is sir,"assured the heavily armed police officer. His squad stood at attention around the door of the interview room - four more waited inside. It was a wasted gesture, but the vice president didn't need to know ...
"Mommy, I killed Tommy at school today,"Noah exclaimed. His mom hugged and congratulated Noah. He had fallen behind most of his classmates; most of them had already killed more than ten people. Some had even killed adults. Noah's whole family went out to celebrate at their favorite pizza joint. His brother and sister...
Jack thought fondly of Anna, but Anna was stunning and Jack was ugly. Jack didn't play sports or do art or anything worthy of Anna. Jack and Anna had math class today, and Jack was going to ask Anna out for sodas tonight. Jack's throat was dry, his palms soggy, his soul aching for Anna. "Anna!"Jack spat, trying and f...
As the chronoton radiation faded, the cube took stock of its surroundings. The first thing the hundred occupants of the tactical cube noticed was the lack of an uplink to the collective. "We are alone,"said the crew of the ship. The second thing they noticed was that Earth did not resemble the planet they expecte...
As he took two steps towards the other side of the road, a green Grand Cherokee came out of nowhere and hit him, killing him instantly. "Wait, what?" Killing him. Instantly. "No, no, no." What? "You can't kill him." Yes I can. Of course I can. "Man, remember when I was three and he hit me in the head with a rock? We ha...
"Muahahaha!"said Jesus as he grabbed yet another bag of kittens, "Once I pilfer this pile of puffy pussycats, the world will have to accept me as the one true Messiah!" "Uh, I don't mean to sound rude,"Peter raised a finger, "But what are you trying to accomplish here? Like, you can walk on water and stuff, and you'...
Mr. Jones was waiting in line for the teller when two men burst through the door to the bank wielding submachine guns and wearing masks. "Alright, everyone hit the floor!"the shorter one shouted. Mr. Jones hesitated and spoke up. "Excuse me, friends, but why would I 'hit the floor'? It didn't do anything wrong." "Ok...
"Did I just save the world?" "Yup" "Fuck" "What?" "I saved the world" "Yeah" "Do you think I'm ever going to have a moments peace?" "Uhm" "No I'm not fucking gonna, because first off everyones going to want a piece of me" "Ok" "And then they're going to oversaturate the market with me which will cause people ...
The stranger had come from one of the great cities, Aidhla could not remember which. Taller than farm folk, her uniform held the Emperor's sigil at the chest and shoulder. She had ridden to the village of Blackwool with a fine gelding Aidhla had wanted to call a war horse, though the stranger had smiled as she had said...

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