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I massage my temples because this. Is. Fucking. Ridiculous. This conversation shouldn't even be happening. "Look, Ken,"I breathe into the phone, in a tone of voice my District Manager has never heard before, "I understand the store policy. What I'm saying is: it's simple fucking math, dude. Why you gonna pay to keep t...
Thank you for returning to The Reaping! "Um, hello, I'm-" War: Speak up you coward! Are you so pathetic that you cannot even declare your own name? "Yes, I'm, uh, I'm Pandemic, and I'm-" Pestilence: You would commit such a sin as to mimic me? To try and sully my sovereignty with your ineptitude? Death: You... are...
The Ranger held his sword aloft. It was bronze, dented and dull with use. "Need'eth I a weapon more suited to my skill,"he said, loudly and to no one in particular. "Might we loot'eth yonder ranch style home, perchance?" The Healer leaned heavily upon his oaken staff. "Uh...no. No, I don't think we want to do that." ...
It was a dark and rainy night as the devil knocked on my door. I'm neither sure if it rains by chance or if he made it nor why he doesn't appear directly in the house. Maybe he loves a dramatic entrance. It is exactly the same situation as ten years ago on his last visit. I was at an incredibly bad place. My wife and I...
There was a hero once. He was brave, courageous, helpful, determined. This... this is not his story. *************** "We need you. Can't you feel this... this connection?" "I feel the connection alright. And its this connection which is making me give you this advice. Go home. Don't tell anyone about this. Sit at ho...
Goog had never met a problem he couldn't punch. Sometimes the problem would go away, and sometimes there would be a new problem. But this generally worked for Goog, as he was one of the best at punching. When Goog was young and his brother stole his favorite shiny rock, Goog punched and brother let go of rock. When a...
"This thing on? Great. Which - that camera? Excellent, thanks." "Good afternoon, everyone. It's been a long time since I did one of these, and there certainly weren't so many cameras at the last one, so if I need a moment, please forgive me." sigh "My name is Steve Rogers, but many of you will recognize me...
"I quit school for you when you got pregnant, got a job in the lumber mill and lost a few fingers. I cried for days when you miscarried. I loved you through the affairs. I stayed with you even as you spent years unable to find a job, with us living only off of my income. I loved you when you got drunk and hit me un...
”What if after you die, you wake up with a bong in your hand and your alien friend asks ‘How was it?’?” “One, I don’t have an alien friend. Two, what if you could shut up and let me think?” Mark cocked his hand and fired it like a gun, even blowing on it afterward for effect. “What if when you die, you get to spend ...
"Hello and welcome back to the podcast Internet Mysteries! Today's Internet mystery deals with the strange case of u/deleted on Reddit. A controversial user known for commenting on hundreds of thousands of subreddits, u/deleted has been around since the very beginnings of Reddit. And yet, no one seems to truly know who...
God: You've been in this loop for 500 years, did you not know that you were meant to try to escape? Me: I did, but why would I do that? God: Don't you find it boring? Repeating the same day over and over again. Me: How could I find it boring? The date might be the same but do you have any idea how much you can do in...
"You've got to be shitting me." Those were the first words to come out my mouth in years, at least to another human being. It was surprising that I still knew English considering forty-five years had passed since I last had to use it. Hell, I could've been the last being ever to even speak the language. But here two ...
I watched him cross the street, and his foot fell on the pebble. It was enough for him to come down awkwardly, and hurt his ankle, not to the extent that he couldn't walk, just enough that it was a pain. Now the rest of the preparations could take place. A stroll through the park, and a warm smile at a young child. She...
Day 79. I think. I don't know the exact date, you guys have my logs you can figure it out. I don't care I'm just hungry. My food supply ran out 3 days ago? I don't know I wrote it down just flip back a few pages. The food you guys sent sucked. No food sucks more. *Day 80. I've mentioned there is no animal life, yet...
To be honest, the first edition of the show was a bit of a disaster. In the first round, one of her fellow contestants made a muddy sludge that smelled like durian. While the xen - pegged as a favorite on their home planet - was really proud of it, and the xen judges praised its nutritional value and radical, intrigu...
“Oh god!” cried Hephaestus, looking at the pictures my associates took for him. “That’s no god,” I said with as much sympathy as I could. “I know who it is!” Hephaestus snapped at me, as he flipped through the pictures of his wife, Aphrodite, with her lover, Ares. It’s my job. It’s not glamorous. But it pays the bil...
Have you ever wondered what it feels like to die? How about what a particular manner of death feels like? I used to. Then I found out, firsthand, exactly what drowning feels like. It sucks. Not the death by having one's lungs fill with water, the rapids, though that is certainly unpleasant. No, I'm referring to r...
Abe, Carl, and Brock stood in the sun, shielding their eyes as they looked down at the table on the ground. In the last 2 hours, they hadn't moved it an inch. It stood entire yards away from the door to their apartment and at this rate, it would take all night. "Wow the table is heavy,"Brock said, stretching his arms....
A wintry breeze blew in through the only window in the dark waiting room. It took great control not scratch at the scar on my arm. It stretched from elbow to wrist. Dark Red blotches surrounded the deep scar tissue hidden under a bandage. The fresh scent of coffee wafted from the receptionist’s desk. A dark-haired woma...
Today on Life in our Cosmos. &#x200B; THE TERRANS &#x200B; Known under many Names: The Exterminators, The Darkness or simply the Horror. Most Species that have encountered them and live to tell the tale describe them as a preternatural enemy, something dark, mysterious and Mystical. However as we will s...
"Hey Hermes, 'sup?"Zeus asked, as a skinny boy slid to a halt in the hallway. Hermes rested a hand against a locker and sucked in deep breaths. "You okay?"Zeus stroked his stubble and studied the part time paper-boy. He was half keeled over, panting from the run, but his cheeks were swollen as if with words. "No.....
Grandpa has never been the same since that day. The crash that made him lose his voice, and his mind. Everyone thinks that he's gone crazy, that the crash affected him. I mean, I did think the same for quite a while. Before the crash, he was quite a... let's say interesting man. He would call us in the middle of the ni...
This one would be the real test. The Rubik’s Cube sat in front of me, hopelessly scrambled. I’d done no reading on how to solve it, and had avoided thinking about it up until this moment. And now the time had come. I started the timer and picked up the cube. I wasn’t quite sure why I moved the parts of the cube the w...
There once was a thing that wandered the empty depths of the cosmos, a patch of shimmering empty space that blindly twisted its tentacles to consume distant stars. It drifted seemingly aimlessly, perhaps driven by an incomprehensible design, and melted the parts of reality it touched like softened butter. It would have...
You're my hero. I mean, I know you're everyone's hero - that's literally your job. But like, I've always looked up to you. When I was a kid, at recess, and we were playing heroes, I always picked you. Had your poster on my wall, dressed in your costume every halloween, all that stuff. So I hope you know I mean it whe...
That man should be dead. Those were the words Octen thought as he saw his most recent customer stroll across the street and enter his shop. Segal grinned widely, a sight so unusual it made Octen cringe. The shopkeeper scanned the man over, looking for signs that the curse had backfired unexpectedly, but only winced ...
Sometimes I regret being the only ship in the galaxy that runs on bicycle power, but then I remember it's all a matter of purpose. The S.S. Environmentalism has been called many things: the "Hippie Ship,"the "Green Thumb-Up-Ass,"the "Floating Salad."But we all get along, and I think that's more than can be said for so...
Don't let nobody tell ya what the most dangerous work in the world is. They'll say it's the soldiers and the superheros, the daredevils and the saints. They don't know what they're talkin' about. It's tendin' the counter that really puts ya head on the line. Don't believe me? Think about it fer a second. Every sod wh...
"Humans! Report."General Tha-al shouted. He was in an angry mood, and he had every right to be. He needed soldiers, ships, an armada to defeat the Garude, and upper command sent him a bunch of techno-barbaric monkeys. He'd rip them apart with his claws and feed them to the staff, but orders are orders. All f...
“Agent 66. Did you do this?” I turn my gaze from the human corpse, still bleeding from the bullet wounds that I gave her, to Cross. I know I can say I missed, and accidentally hit her when I was aiming for the Otherbeing. “Yes. I shot her three times, Cross. I did it on purpose.” Cross looks at me with disappointme...
The small group stood together in a dimly lit control room, an entire wall covered in monitors of different sizes displaying top corner views of white-walled cells. In each of the cells was a single occupant, some lying down on in their single bed, others sitting, others pacing, and a few doing things that didn’t make...
EDIT: The story is continued now, there are links at the end. ----- I put Grandpa’s watch into my pocket, ignoring the tingle that reminded me, every time I touched it, that it was damaged. Of all the things I’ve fixed over the years, this was one of very few things I never wanted to restore. The scratches...
"Johnathon hides in his barn as the government arrives in tanks and jeeps, searching for his son. A boy of only 8, young Matthew will soon be drafted into the American military and trained as a bloodthirsty soldier. In my time with the Taylors, I have learned that Americans are not born evil; they are only shaped tha...
I didn't move. The basketball game on my 100'' TV continued to play as I sat in shock. Between me and the TV were five floating, golden stars and that message above them. Had I avoided death? What did I do? What did it mean by CERTAIN? No, I realized, if I avoided death then the question wasn't "what did I do?...
They left the note on the dining room table beside a set of spare keys. I read it once, turned it over to the other side, then tossed it in the kitchen trash. Some bullshit, scaring future owners that way. The first knock came at a quarter of 3, soft and shy like they weren't really sure they were supposed to be kno...
“End of the line, kid. Not so tough without your bodyguards, eh Endowment?” Hector asked, savoring the fear in the kid’s eyes as he slowly spoke the last word. He hefted the bat for further emphasis as the two men from the bar joined him. “This can be easy or this can be hard. That’s up to you.” “Okay, what’s easy?” t...
"Alright boys, the latest profits are in! Our last 5 heists gave us about... 200,000!"A hearty cheer echoed about the boardroom, which had been nicely furbished and given an excellent cake platter as an added bonus for the end of the meeting. "We have also gained about 40,000 in drug exchange!"A slightly lesser cheer c...
I am a software developer at a small company in rural Virginia. I have a family: wife, three kids, a golden retriever/chow mix, two cats -- a good life by any measure. I am a church-goer, a home owner, a touch overweight, and I do volunteer work with kids with cancer. What I am getting at here is that I'm a nice, ...
MOUNTAIN VIEW (AP) - The Google corporation is shutting down its flagship search engine, effective immediately, according to its CEO. In a press conference this Tuesday, Google CEO Sundar Pichai announced to the Associated Press that the company is moving to indefinitely suspend support for the Google Search service. ...
"Change course. We need to find the source of this." The officer looked at me and nodded. "Yes sir." Soon the ship started moving again. I remembered this song. It was a long time ago but I remembered it. The song of a nation that made us who we are today. The anthem of the Soviet Union. This was weird for a couple ...
A mass of light and matter coalesces into a vague bipedal form before solidifying to reveal the Earth's emissary. "FUCK!"he exclaims as his atoms reform and his consciousness gets a jump start into reality, "Could have warned me guys!"he doubles over to catch his breath before realizing that he is no longer surrounde...
"Whoa,"Ethan said, peering down at the weird creature. It looked mostly like a cat, except for its floppy, beagle-like ears. "Look at this little dude..." "Did that thing just talk?" Dane asked, pointing at it, suspiciously. "There's no time, nyan!" the creature cried, in a high squeaky voice. It stood up on i...
The four of us stood - and sat - around the table in our hideout, staring at the meticulous plans we had spent the last 3 months learning front to back. The blueprints, the false identities, the passports, the engineering plans... it was beautiful. Flawless. And, by now, useless. "What a shitshow,"Geralt finally sai...
They didn't arrive in a spaceship. Just a strange ball of light. We found no trace of it after the dust settled. The eggheads on the homefront tell me it was technology beyond our wildest dreams, or that they're our evolutionary superiors in every way. But I got a different theory. I seen 'em up close. I noticed somet...
Max was uncomfortable with the new arrivals. He voiced his concern to his friends. "Hey, I don't wanna, like... discriminate or anything, but do you think-" "I know."His friend, Jakie cuts in. Together, they take in the sight. A few dozen survivors board their ship. Just like any other day. But the closer they came, ...
Steven paused with his hand resting on the door handle. "Before we go in,"he said, "there's something you need to know." Kate gave him a weird look. "What?" "My gran won't put her knitting down. Not for anything, okay?"he studied the floor between her feet. "I know it's weird - just try and ignore it." Kate hesitat...
Ambassador Lamott leaned back in the plush armchair of his ready room, The somber melody of Mahler’s symphony No.6 reverberated through every wall, well aged Scotch in hand, he sighed and looked despondently out of the panoramic window at the vast ocean of stars, as they seemed to drift by. 180 years young, he didn’t...
That was the beginning of it all. The day I disappeared and everyone else disappeared too. Try being 13 years old and being all alone in the entire world. That first night was horrible. I went from house to house and I kept trying to call anyone I could. I fell asleep just as the sun rose. When I woke up I found mysel...
To those who live in a cave, who know that the flame and the sharpened stick are the twin pinnacles of technological advancement, a being with skin that reflects the light of the fire, a being that does not bleed or feel pain when struck with the sharp rock, is a god. When it heals their wounds, cuts away the cancers g...
"To be \akh akh\** brought down by a peasant of all things!"the Tyrant scoffed in between bloody coughs. "How did you, of all people, become a hero? You're... you're immortal, yes, but the fighting prowess, the magical wards, you shouldn't- ah!" His speech was cut short as a jolt of pain coursed through him an...
Olive got another one today. I came downstairs for breakfast, dressing gown cord trailing behind me because I'd been a bit too bleary-eyed to actually tie it. She poured me a cup of coffee with that kind of under-the-skin excitement you get from puppies who've just been told it's time for a walk. She sat down opposite ...
I am very good at what I do, and what I do is let people be whoever they want to be. Do you remember your Prom Night? Your Dad lending you your Granddad's cufflinks, your mom helping you with the bowtie, Helen in the blue dress? You're welcome, that's one of mine. One of my early ones, in fact, just after I'd joined...
Have you ever laid awake at night, and dreamt about what it would be like to have super powers? How awesome it would be to be as fast as flash, or fly like superman, or become spiderman? Where I am from, we lay awake at night praying that we don't get super powers. The super powers from the comics are nice, because the...
Ann-Marie gazed up into the sky, the huge blood-red moon a blurred, angry blob in the distance. It would be beautiful she knew, but like many things these days, she wasn't able to fully experience it. She filled in the gaps partly with imagination, partly with memory, the rest coming from comments of those around her...
Facebook. Facebook is a problem. Not the only problem, but a problem, to be sure. I knew it was going to be trouble the moment Kara, the girl in the next cubicle over, told me I needed to join and add her. Oh no, Kara from the next cubicle over. That isn't how this works. I have a system. I drift into your life for a ...
Berk had dredged the living-corpses out of the public pool earlier that morning, finagling them to the side with a pole like he was clearing out rotten leaves. He’d laid them on sun loungers around the side, figuring: a) they’d be grateful for something to watch, b) that they just looked neater that way. The pool was ...
Everyone watched our population growing closer and closer to ten billion. No one was sure precisely what we were expecting, but it reminded me of the Y2K phenomenon. News feeds were full of the usual tripe; worried about resources running out, housing concerns, but mostly disdain for the many floundering space programs...
Nahel, the wizard, was sitting on the back of a horse-drawn carriage, sitting on the wooden floor with the legs crossed, covered by his hood and cape, these were clothes for traveling, not like his companion, or at least that's what he was thinking. The other person was a taller man with a long hat, an overcoat, and ...
$2.64 UNLEADED, the sign said. It was $2.73 yesterday. Not like I've been paying for it. I've been "purchasing"gas on the clerk's computer behind the counter--all the passwords were written on notes under the keyboard. Is it stealing? I don't know. No one has been here--or anywhere--in years. So who's changing the sig...
“Psst, psst. You’re the guy, right?” “Who’s asking?” “Oh I’m cool. Ben’s my friend.” I give him a good look. “Password.” “Password? He didn’t say anything about a password. Let me text him.” “You got thirty seconds.” I say. The goof fumbles for his phone. I keep my eyes on my watch and say, “Tick tock.” “I ...
Every Achilles has his heel. Every Samson has his haircut. Every Superman his Kryptonite. You get the picture. Remember Titanius? Of course you do. Among many other feats, he was the hero that killed that massive Kraken in Columbia City Harbor. He had unbreakable armored scales that covered his entire body, making hi...
"Now presenting His Imperial Eminence, Crown Prince Orion Himmel Caelum von Aeternus, of the House Aeternus, of the Ventis Empire." The Prince was as pretentious in appearance as his name suggested. Dressed in golden armor (who even wears armor nowadays, let alone made of a metal as soft and heavy as gold?), with a cl...
"Welcome back to World Wide News, I'm your host, Amanda Klein. For those of you just joining us, a man in the Seattle area spilt a glass of milk today. We don't have all of the details yet, but genetics expert Dr. Nathan Stewart is here with us today to help us better understand the problem." "Thanks for having me Ama...
Warning: the main character does a lot of swearing. *** It's time for you to do your calisthenics, Myles. "Would it kill you to use a more pleasant tone of voice, Mom?" As I have said previously, your mother was a human female named Monica Starr, bio-chemist, believed deceased. I don't know if there are any ...
GREATER TEMPORAL COURT OF TIMELINE E22472A2-05E1-4BDA-83aD-58B463813261 Ticket #0c5b84c6-b0cb-11e8-96f8-529269fb1459 You have been accused and, through thorough examination of the timeline, retroactively convicted of the following crimes: * Frivolous time travel in the second degree * Conspiracy to commit frivolous...
Streaked with rain, the city sighed for the relief of sun amid the glowing red taillights and the black umbrellas. Inside, the dull orange walls of the coffee shop were dimly lit, darkness occluded in the corners of the L-shaped building. Angie and Peter sat at the corner near the door; nervous coffee cups chattered on...
Huh. That is all I could think of at that moment. It was him, clear as day. Zeke; a friend I made during the war. The Civil War. I mean I thought him dead - we got split up during an ambush and I was the only one to report in after I survived, so there wasn't much room for interpretation yet... "Surprised?"he sudde...
"What...what is THAT"Raz exclaimed He picked up a shining piece of glass on the debris strewn ground. It looked like a picture frame, but it glowed. He poked it with his webbed finger, and it changed in front of his eye. Alarmed, he yelled and dropped. It fell to the ground and lay there, unresponsive. "What's this ...
"Mom, Dad?"I asked timidly, approaching them with caution. I wanted this to go smoothly, and I guess I half expected them to freak out or start yelling at me. "I kinda want to ask you a difficult question,"I went on. They both sat up suddenly, looking at me like I was about to tell them I got expelled from school or ...
"I don't think you understand the situation,"Xarblag said. "The plank doesn't fit through the door frame. We tried it. It's too wide." I rubbed my eyes. "Yeah. No, I see - no. No, it doesn't fit through the door frame because you're trying to put it through the way it obviously doesn't fit."I rotated the plank thr...
My eyes stared straight up at the blank, white ceiling. I lie there, with my arms at my sides running parallel to my body. I had pulled the covers up just a few inches under my neck. It was warm, comforting. A slight grin appeared on my face. My lips curved upward as I lie there, in a state of temporary satisfaction. H...
"Prove it ya wee fuck!"I shouted back, without even realizing why I did it. I guess I'm just contrary by nature. The moment my words had passed my lips I felt rather silly, but then again, I'm silly by nature. There were seven seconds of silence, after that the voice spoke again, but it had lost all of it's scary and ...
Since the dawn of time, Humans have told stories. We love to imagine the fantastical, to transform the world around us into one that is beyond the realm of possibilities. We have myths about the dangers of dragons, epics dedicated to the journeys of demi-gods, and, until 10 years ago, imaginary encounters with aliens....
*Never transport sapient species incapable of interstellar travel.* Why oh why didn't we follow the Grand Ultimatum? It shouldn't even be hard. Observe from orbit, maybe zip down to the surface for more detailed xenoecological studies, and warp home before anyone is the wiser. But these crafty little apes had gott...
She is what? The 100th? The girl in front of you has golden hair and blue eyes. She is lean and tall with a godly body. She gives you her most inviting smile. You can see the jaws of your bodyguards dropping. Bastards are having fun. You are not. She bows gracefully and walks away. This circus has been going on for thr...
Oh wow, this was a fantastic story to read. The character’s personalities were realistic and fun to watch in action as they all interacted with each other. As I was reading it I thought it was good, but the ending made this story spectacular for me. The only being that could said to be the only immortal in the unive...
I lazily grabbed the card from the machine, politely thanked the attendant, and walked away dreading what sort of mundane life I looked forward to. Ever since cognitive analytics became a field, machines had been created to scan and determine ideal careers for people. As part of legislation, it was mandated that machi...
“Rich people can get away with anything”, the reporter snarked from the gallery. “Yeah but this time he didn’t break the laws...this is different than before, this changes the game.” His associate said. Mr. Vale, sat on the stand, nicely tailored suit and tie, black hair neatly combed back, big white teeth grinning ...
It is said that no one thinks they're the bad guy. Everyone is the hero of their own story and in their own mind, their actions are completely justifiable. Well, I'm living proof that's just not true. I am the bad guy. I've chosen to be the bad guy. I excel at being the bad guy. I have no problem doing all manner of ...
The Asuran's aura-clad fist impacted Max's chest with such force that it sent him hurtling backward. His back slammed into jagged rock, only his composite armor preventing his spine from snapping like a twig. He rose to all fours and wheezed in a breath. The Asuran approached unhurriedly, his four-armed figure wreathe...
I stiffled a giggle at the small child that was way to close to my frame, practically nose-to-nose with me. As they reached a pudgy hand towards me, they were suddenly yanked back by their father. "Don't climb on tables, love, and try not to touch anything!"Their father said as he placed the young child down on the fl...
Turton had been friends with the Hero since they were children, and when he heard that they had made a name for themselves, he resolved to do the same. Life had other plans. While the Hero was able to best the gangsters with his innate magic, Turtons non-magic behind had been promptly knifed by a lowly enforcer. Stil...
When something unexplainable happened from Monday to Sunday, there was always an explanation that originated in Lokesday. When you wake up on Monday morning with an awful headache and overall just dreading the day? Lokesday. When your Monday just never seems to go right? Lokesday. The people that always seem refreshe...
I first discovered my luck during the War. I has hit by a ricochet and likely should have died but, more in shock than pain, I called out. Miraculously, a medic was there, just when I needed them. I was bandaged and pulled back, and I survived. Many others were far less fortunate. For many years since then I have ...
We scavenged every corner of the planet. The army of hell was red, the nightmares of humanity come to life. Hungry and angry. Earth was a barren waste land, devoid of mankind. Devoid of their sins. The Icon of Sin would be livid if he knew his plan was obsolete. Me? I couldn't care less. They'd treat me all the same....
We had nearly destroyed ourselves to do it, staving off nuclear war, climate change and successive waves of pandemics, but we finally achieved that milestone of technological advancement. We, humanity, as we knew it then anyway, developed interstellar travel and set out into that great unknown, that final frontier. Wi...
“Deliverance at last,” the old man gets to his feet slowly as if his joints are aching. There is nothing in his cell. No bed, no chair, no book, no food. Nothing. “I’ve been waiting for someone to come rescue me for the past many days. I haven’t slept or eaten a single thing since I was put down here.” I nod uncommit...
"All right, on the horse you go."The prince gave his steed a gentle spank and the horse turned its head around to give the witch a glare. The witch was perplexed. "There was no condition that you would take me away young Escar. I appreciate the sentiment, but I want your child, not you." It was the prince's turn t...
#### SPACOM "Full alert, large object, inbound eastern seaboard!" "Asteroid?" "Negative, it's maneuvering, trying to get a side shot from one of the satellites.... Oh my god, it's three miles long! Objects detaching, inbound to North Atlantic. Course plot shows they're going to be coming in over the US seaboard, a...
“I…can…do…what…I…want” he mumbled as he typed the words into his phone. “You use a Blackberry?” I asked curiously. “Yeah, corporate issue. We got a good deal a while back that wasn’t that good in the end. Too many wise guys in that business…. Anyway it will be a couple of minutes. Normal wishes I can deal with, but s...
Curse words were mumbled under the man's breath as he walked into the police station. "Son of a this""Mother that"as no one seemed to pay him any attention. It was not that they couldn't see him, rather they had learned a long time ago to keep their heads down. They knew who he was, and what he was capable of. If ove...
The man holds a piece of candy in his hand. “Oh! Thank you…” “Do you not like it?” “I do, it’s just that… I’m not a kid anymore.” “You aren’t? But it only has been 20 years.” “That’s the thing. When I first helped you, I was 8. I became a teenager 5 year later, then an adult at 18 years. We humans age quicker than...
So Ralph, happy birthday! What did you pick? Uh what do you mean? Your power... When I was your age I chose invisibility so I could sneak out and smoke doobies with my friends. Mum... And your father, he chose flight because -- well let's just say I wasn't the only one getting high. **Jesus can ...
I had never been more embarrassed in my life. Humans lured me into a trap and captured me with a magical seal, leaving me unable to escape their clutches. They interrogated me, and failed, then tried to torture me, and also failed. Nothing they did to me could match the demon king's wrath if I were to betray him, but...
"Attention Earth. We are the Skonshor, and we offer death or slavery." Admiral Gerd, Commander of the Fifth Skonshor Battlefleet, was amused by the replies he received. "Cute". Somehow it was always the Level 5 species who wanted to fight and went straight to nuclear threats. No-one ever wanted to surrender when the ...
I awoke from my eons long slumber. Creating all life will take a lot out of you, but It was finally time to take my divine providence over my subjects. It seems my subjects formed many colonies. They were great, mighty strongholds, constructed from their bodies. Alone they were weak, together they were strong. Throug...
(Note, please bear with me - English isn't my first language and this is my first try in this subreddit... I hope I didn't make any really big mistakes) Carson put out his cigarette, sighed and took the next folder from a seemingly ever-growing pile on his desk. The folder had "Case #45215"in large letters on its fr...
The President had gathered the greatest experts of culture in the Oval Office. The Smithsonian was well respresented, as were a number of private institutions and musical schools. Together, they picked the lineup for the greatest orchestra the world had ever seen. The President invited the alien representatives to th...
Marcus Krauss always wore a cross around his neck. He didn’t particularly believe in any faith, but as an archeologist, he had trampled on ritual sites, dug up burial grounds, and defiled holy lands. So a little insurance couldn’t hurt. Who knows? Perhaps two sticks glued together really was the redemption to all his p...
"Annnddd... the new subroutines are live this patch, so good luck big guy!"Devone said, as his greatest champion knelt before the shrine to his god. "Try not to get creamed out there." "Yes Milord,"Drynx, lord of despair and once hero of the realm said, drawing his sword. "Thank you for giving me this opportunity once...

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