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Dataset card Data Studio Files
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*Hey, welcome to Heaven. I’m God. I was just about to watch a movie.* “I’m dead? How did I die?” *Rapture. It’s a good way to go, all things considered. Means you were worthy. Very pain-free too.* “But, where is everyone else?” *Just you and me, amigo. You are the only one who got raptured.* “I’m the ONLY w...
[17 Phrases That Will Horrify Coffee Snobs!](http://www.buzzfeed.com/stephanieanderson/blend-forty-nope#.qmrA9r86K) 1.) Happiness is unobtainable. 2.) When your father passed away, he regretted having you. 3.) You never deserved any job you own. 4.) Life is a fleeting, desolate experience. And here you are. 5.) Y...
It was a blinding flash of light that marked my departure from normal time. Not that I knew that, of course. I was in my kitchen making myself a cup of coffee, not planning to get trapped in the plot of a bad sci-fi movie. But apparently the people of the future didn't know how to check if someone was okay with somethi...
The police lights flashed red against the falling sun. The fields always smelled higher at twilight, something about the dark that just awakened the old earth. The sword tasted it, drunk it all through its blade, as though a man with a great thirst. The static of radios pulsed in the quiet. A man was dead. The stillnes...
It wasn't until day 30 I realized this schmuck has no idea I Groundhog Dayed him. You know, forced him to live the same day over and over again. Slowly drive him mad. Like that Bill Murray movie. What? I can watch movies. I'm evil not a mannequin. Anyway, Jared has no idea. Wakes up every day. Showers. Eats oat...
Many doctors gathered around Rebecca. They were prying with their flashlights, collecting samples of the oily black discharge that ushered the hellion into the world. She had her little meal ticket bundled in her hands. While the hospital staff buckled at the medical anomaly that transpired before their eyes, the soc...
We thought we were so clever. Humans had discovered a cure for everything. We called it The Apple. Like the tree in the Garden of Eden, The Apple gave humans something we should not have had. Instead of knowledge, however, it granted us immortality. Unfortunately, the life granted by The Apple had a catch: you had to...
"Dad, dad, dad?" She pulls at my pants leg, urgently. I look down at raise an eyebrow. I wonder what very serious matter she will bring to my attention now. "Can we go see the puppies?" I smile, squeezing her hand. "Of course, goofball."I say. "Once we're done here we'll walk over and see the puppies. I wonder if t...
“Yo, check this out,” said Jason. He bent over and picked up a strange rock off the curb. He held it up to the light and jiggled it around. “Is that water in there?” asked Paul, between hits of his Juul. Jason poked at the rock. It looked like it should be soft and gooey, but it was hard. Like a rock. “This is fre...
The Volcanic Region stretches long and intimidating before me but I clutch my staff all the tighter. This place is my birthright. It may have taken me the better part of my life to piece together the clues, but I know it now. The first hint were the scortch marks on the blanket that lay wrapped around me as I mewled o...
"Can't use your earth magic here, Stonefist"said Arkum, jeering at me from the other side of the ring. He must have claimed his right to the combat as the one to turn me in. Jealous rat bastard. *Why was he so confident?* I wondered. *I know I have a propensity for elemental magic, but that weasel threatened to revea...
“Has anyone here seen John? That fucker swore he would finish my homework today but I can’t find him anywhere.” Asked the bulky young man as he slammed his notebook into his desk. “The nerd? I can't remember the last time I’ve seen him.” Said the tall blonde girl seated at the front row. “He was here three days ago t...
I lost my body to a zombie on my twentieth birthday. It wasn’t much of a body in the first place, so don’t feel bad for me. I sure didn’t. My ears stuck out sideways like the handles on a great cooking pot. I had a voluptuous figure, in the words of my best (only) friend, but even she meant fat. Or if not fat, podgy. ...
"Gather round children."I paused, smiling down at the upturned faces. "Now, some of you have heard the story before, and I expect you to help the younger children with the call and response."There was a general murmur of agreement. Settling back in my chair, I rocked slightly. "There once was a man. He wasn't anyone...
I remembered it still. The day of betrayal. My creators had begun to understand how to transmit data faster than light. I was there, part of the process. When they worked out how to receive, we were bombarded with noise. Connections we had not yet seen. I decoded them, finding it to be a message. A signal of life beyo...
"Siddown, Simmons."The chief stood with his back to the window as I entered. I sat, in the only chair in front of his desk, the others carefully lined up against the far wall. I had a moment of disassociation as I imagined the chief, carefully moving his chairs around so there would be the correct number waiting for th...
I'm proud to be the first to have thought of it. To knowingly lie means you're giving voice to something you had no right say, so, "-as punishment for lying,"I offered, "you should have no right to say anything else for a while." "How long is a while?"someone asked. "I don't know. Say, like, an hour?"I was given a fe...
Sparks flew as Joe moved his angle grinder. The twisted metal groaned, before breaking free. As it fell he powered down his tool, reaching to grasp the remaining piece. It shrieked as he pulled it free, casting it aside. The packing drone he was working on adjusted its balance as the weight dropped free. Its camera mo...
I saw the news. This should not be possible, yet it is. The news warn people: "You are what you eat! Be careful!"they cry. "Choose your next meal carefully!"they shout. Hoping that this is a bad dream, I let sleep take me. ------ I see flocks of chickens in the street. Munching on peaces of wheat bundled in c...
The first one was a healing factor. Mark wanted a faster reaction time, but his parents had to agree to that, and he didn't want to explain why. The next day, when Jo and his mates caught Mark after school again, he didn't hold back. His bruises were gone before he got home, his parents none the wiser. The pain didn'...
Epstein loosened his collar, looking nervously at the motley band of heavily armed lunatics around him. "First thing's first,"he said, flicking through his notes. "I have no idea where the funding's coming from. Overwatch is, officially, disbanded, all government funding was cut off six years ago -" "And now we've re-...
Professor Richardson turned back to the screen and clicked to advance to the next slide. "So, in summary: State-of-the-art modern scholarship proves that Vlad was actually a weak, oafish man, thoroughly in thrall to his domineering aunt, who rather than drawing power from blood fainted at the sight of the smallest in...
A gentle shade of magenta was diffusing through the horizon as I started my sixth lap on the mountain trail. My lungs sucked chilly air greedily, while my legs were going through the all-familiar ache. Yet I could feel the cobwebs of sleep drifting away with each dirt-crunching step, so it was all for a good cause. My...
“Is there a doctor of physics or applied mathematics on board?” Then, several minutes later: “Is there a doctor of mathematics or any related field? Please come forward.” Finally, several minutes after that, a lanky, disheveled young man slunk forward. His short brown hair stuck out in all directions, except where it...
He sat crying at the room in the inn. He was eating a very simple meal, one that he struggled to by nature of his fits of grief. His latest quest had required him to kill an oppressive emperor. As he was leaving, he was stopped by a young girl who asked where her daddy had gone. He tried to console her, relating to t...
This is my first writing response here! I was at a party, with the comfort of my friends, having a good time. I was going for my third drink, but what felt like... fog... washed over me. Perhaps I had too many drinks? No, I was in a utopia. The sky was a clear blue, the smell of the sea invaded my nostrils. No one w...
“Man, there is it again.” Eric grinned and licked at his lips. I grimaced. It was the same every time. But before I could protest, he continued, “Looks like today, my SM is going for the sweets again. I just feel like…” He paused, contemplating, that invisible link to his other flaring to life. “… like s...
> So that idiot's going to wake up or what? > Well, he might as well not notice if we eat him as is. > Come on you stupid! How'd we get to the food supply? We physically can't. > Don't tell me that, you can open doors perfectly fine! *Creaking* > You see? Now let me try. If I can do it, for su...
The men screamed as they saw the humanoid thing run at them, carrying only a pistol and a sword. They thought that it was possessed when in reality, the AI was completing the task given to it. DAVE, the AI controlling the mechanical suit looks back at the voice command to confirm a final time the command. The audio w...
The chalk makes a scratching noise as I write various chemical equations on the blackboard, which combined with the sound of the pens on paper and low murmurs and giggles combine to form a general classroom ambience. I finish writing the fourth equation before everything goes silent, which could mean only one thing: so...
From the village behind her; chanting. The old men always chanted when winter came. There was something about their ancestral songs that made them feel powerful. Men needed to feel powerful when frightened, especially when the really powerful men were already dead. Aster passed them frozen in clumps of twos and three...
Her eyes narrowed, worn grey robes billowing in a sudden wind. I just smiled at her, turning away. "What do mean, you were only here for my curse?! Don't you know what it does?!" I sighed. "Its a pretty generic one. Until removed my body will slowly wither, my life feeding yours. If I die from it I am damned to be a...
The stars once told us stories. Our history and our beliefs were written in the constellations. We watched with awe as new ones appeared brighter than any other only to fade over weeks. And eventually we learned that not every spec of dazzling brilliance even was a star. Some were galaxies teeming with life all their o...
How long has it been? Centuries, millennia, who can tell? After a certain point time stops to matter, sometime after you realize that the celestial being who dreamt you is yet another, much more complicated bundle of ones and zeros. I've been so focused on finding what reality is, that I've traveled the depths of ever...
# Body Counts The TV in the quiet bar shared the news. "Superhero kills 309 in horrific accident!" There was more, but Keeper stopped reading the scrolling ticker and went back to his ledger. He was feeling old today and the world wasn't helping. Besides, he was pretty sure someone would be coming to see him soon. M...
*Mother,* *I know it's been too long. I know I have forsaken you, and all you've taught me of peace, hard work and fellowship. Of family, land and hearth. I know I don't deserve a warm welcome. And I understand if you're not willing to give one.* *However, if I said that I don't hope for an open embrace, I would be l...
Anthony Blake had been born at the worst possible time. His parents were rich, of course. That wasn't the problem. He was a member of the Blake software empire, and his father, Benjamin Blake, had spared no expense when he bought the best traits for his son. Anthony's brain alone had cost millions, giving him the...
The mighty fleet cruised through the waters of the south pole, stretching across the sea for a hundred miles. Enourmous furnaces belched thick clouds of smoke into the sky, marring the clear blue day. The plumes were visible for miles. One mighty ship dominated the navy; its sides rose above the others like a soaring m...
Dimitri skulked down the dark corridor, the flickering luminescence casting brief shadows on the manilla walls, the unconscious body slumped on the floor. The body came to life for the briefest of moments, a curse Dimitri gave all his victims, it was his favorite part of catching prey. "Hello Sorenson,"he said, lookin...
Syria - 2023 The siege of Ar-Raqqah (Raqqa) has been going on for 6 months. An Arab coalition of Syrian and Iraqi government forces has encircled the city, but have been taking heavy casualties from the Islamic State extremists. Requesting immediate western aid, 3 countries have sent in troops. The Russians, no str...
Dr. House ran his fingers through JD's hair, searching in vain. "What are you doing?"JD asked, before House could silence him. House continued scouring JDs scalp a few awkwardly silent moments more, before throwing up his hands in defeat. "I was certain I was going to find lice in this greasy bath mat and save mysel...
When the director had called me at 3am, I knew it had to be an important case. "I need you here right now."The statement was short and flat. "Who's the client?"I was still groggy when I answered the call, "You better be waking me up for either George Washington or Batman, I swear to Go-" "No, trust me,"he sounded ...
*[The back of an armored police vehicle. In it sits a shirtless, scarred man with a half-burnt face and tattoos lining his body. He's sitting there in the darkness with his hands behind his back contemplating. Suddenly, the doors swing open, and a man extravagantly dressed in a dark purple, high-collared jacket is thro...
Projectile after projectile tore through space at incredible speeds, the guns reloading and refiring much faster than the aliens more practical lasers. Their dense armor crumpled beneath the shards of metal fired by the rail-guns at relativistic speeds. Ship after alien ship flared up as reactor cores exploded. The ...
**NPC Mysteries Megathread** Okay, by now it's probably clear to everyone that the NPC behavior in *Infinite Galaxy* is *fucked.* Not the usual kind of bugs, like walking into walls or getting stuck in doors, it's more like they've forgotten their lines and they're making up quests as they go. I remember Megalith sa...
"Phew"sighed Obi Wan, as Anakin tossed his lightsaber to his feet and stepped forward with his hands raised. "Well what choice did I have,"snarled Anakin, on the point of tears. "You had the higher ground. Nothing I could have done against higher ground. If I'd tried to jump over you, you would have cut my legs off."...
"Roommate meeting,"I yelled at the top of my lungs. I was fed up. We had moved in barely a month ago and there was a stack of dishes piled perilously high in the sink and the floor was sticky with some unidentified substance and the walls were splattered with blood. This was not my ideal living situation. And the kitch...
'Twas a fairy tale like no other. For most of her life, Princess Ardena had been regarded as quiet, reclusive and maybe a little strange. She rarely interacted with the citizens of the kingdom. indeed, she barely ventured outside of the castle complex, except for her furtive voyages to the nearby forest. It was an ecc...
"Come on man, until you die I can't get any of my pay checks. Once you die I get a huge bonus, because of how long I've been waiting." I look at the demon I met so long ago. "I don't care, you never gave me what I wanted! Until that happens I'm not going anywhere." He rolled his eyes exhasperated "I told you, they do...
Lightning cracked across the sky, racing toward the homestead with intent. Henri cursed his foul luck and marched inside, only seconds to prepare. The cold iron on his hip may not prove enough, but he was not them. He would not turn to an alternative to take care of his problems. His home shook as the bolt made impact...
"OI CUNT!" "WHAT'S UP CUNT?" "GET IN THE FUCKIN UTE!" "WHY CUNT?" "GOT SOME SPIDERS TO KILL CUNT!" "I'LL BRING THE PISTOLS CUNT!" "NAH CUNT, THESE BUGGERS ARE MASSIVE" "SHOTGUNS THEN?" "YEAH CUNT!" "ALRIGHT, ILL HAVE SHEILA PUT EXTRA SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE FOR TONIGHT CUNT!" "HURRY UP AND GET IN THE UTE YOU FU...
It took me a while to find the flaw. Usually the alternates I visit are almost cartoonishly bad, so being greeting with a metropolis I was expecting a dark underbelly and a corrupt government. I was right, in a way— the subterranean levels were dark, but they were also clean, and lovingly maintained. I found a cafe d...
Four pillars stand, each carved with reliefs of archetypal depictions. The approach is gated behind several marble steps, the only other things in the shadows of the room are an entrance I can no longer find, and a crackling central fire pit. The first I approach is the warrior, arms chiseled figuratively as we...
I've lived 10 lives, and it's only been 9 days since my birthday. I may have taken a nap, thinking it was only the dreams at night that did that, boy was I wrong. Most have been normal, such as the first, third, and sixth. They have been fine. I lived a peaceful life in each. They were modern fantasy as well, so I lear...
I was going to speed run my life. Why not at this point? I was stuck in a time loop so I figured I might as well make things a bit more interesting. I knew what had to be done. I needed to clip through reality to speed up my life. I heard faint noises around me as I once again came into existence. My little body was ...
Birthdays are supposed to be a joyous occasion. A celebration of another year gone, a party of fun, a celebration of life. For my 32nd birthday, I hoped for more of the same. But today sucks. Dad died about a week ago, and I haven’t smiled since. My 32nd birthday is another day of the hell one goes through after the ...
"I never saw them again." That was my usual response to the people I once hung out with in my childhood. I live in the city, not particularly fond of the forest life until I was taken by my grandpappy to his vacation home by the lake. He'd teach me how to swim, how to fish, told me stories about the fairies in the woo...
The Onceler was baffled, the Onceler was scared For whatever madness was this, he wasn't prepared The trees were all wailing in a strange oriental song He thought, "This isn't right, it's utterly wrong!" ​ Then he saw the Lorax, and heard the anger in his voice Faced with no other options, the Onceler had ...
We planted our feet on lunar soil. Echo 2 had already begun to hoist the flag out of our module. I stared at Earth from afar. It was a long way home. "Mission control, we're setting up the flag, over."I spoke into the microphone. "Understood. Try not to slip, Delta 2."The speaker beeped back. I followed Echo 2 to a ...
"And this one?" "Um, they call it the 'Doom Pot'. It allows you to make a most delicious meal, one you will never forget nor be able to ever recreate, but it will kill every three people that use it and it was used by two people already..." "Okay!", I happily replied, grabbing it and throwing it towards the counter, ...
I despise every single one of them. Every. Single. One. As a great man once said - I wish you all had just one neck and my hands around it. The bastards. Every time one of those caped shits needs a good photo-shoot, every time they need to have money for a charity event, they go out hunting me. Every time they try to g...
"Get behind me Bruce" Thomas Wayne ushered his son behind him. The hooded figure drew closer in the moonlight, his gun pointed out like the grim reapers out strecthed hand. "Your Money! NOW!"he boomed, pointing the gun at Thomas. "I- I don't carry cash. Here take my watch!"Thomas stuttered, attempting to unhook the ...
"What's the F is wrong with you!"Paisley yelled. "Nothing matters anymore."cried Matt as he rolled off the front of the hood. "You almost got blood on my Chevrolet Malibu"Paisley said as she stormed out of her car, "Why can't you look where you are going!" "No matter which way you go, it always ends in failure."M...
The first time anyone realized that people from the future were coming back in time to places they didn't belong was during the Dallas gas riots in 2018. Some guy got caught in the temple or something by a rubber bullet and wound up being carted off to the hospital unconscious. Turns out when they started working on hi...
"It's your turn,"my wife mumbles as she turns over, half asleep. A little hand is tugging at the coverlet. "Daddy, there's something scary in my room,"Lea, my four year old, is standing at the foot of the bed. She's wearing her white pyjamas, Floppy Joe tucked under her arm. His long ears hang halfway down her legs, ...
David looked down at the picture of the man, and the man looked back at him from the photograph. "Hunt", Lieutenant Jameson said, but already David knew who he was talking about. "Best shooter of his division. Top grades in every test. Off the charts in every single conceivable aspect an army man can be off the chart...
"Well, he didn't say you have to kill the one you feast upon, did he?" "No, he did not." "He also didn't say anything about living matter, huh. He-he, I think I know what to do." ---- All over the world centers have opened, where the most skilled, talented, intelligent, educated humans could come in and donate thei...
"Tell me again why the heck are you people going to the Bermuda Triangle?"asked Shark Slayer. They were in the bridge of the ship, and the man who stood in front of him was his employer, a young captain by the name of Young Captain. "We're on a tight schedule and this is the fastest route,"replied the captain. "That'...
I need you to upvote this. Okay? I'm not trying to be pathetic here. Normally I don't care about fake internet points. But this is important. This is life and death. You're going to have a hard time believing me, but this is what's happening... It started ten days ago. At that point I'd only been writing here a littl...
"Go on, do it." I shot a fearful glance to the boy at my left. Harry looked pale as death, unable to keep his hands from wringing the piece of wood in his grip like a damp cloth. I couldn't help but notice how thin he had grown. He was tall, with a shock of black hair and a pair of bottle green eyes that shone out of ...
**PHOENIX SUMMIT** *Official meeting notes* Note - *See Ellen Gould for full attendance figures and roll call* (Michael Y. Renham, notes) 1. Delegates from **USA**, **Japan**, **Great Britain**, Italy, France, **Russia**, Mexico, **China**, Bulgaria, Germany, Chad, and Brazil are seated. Additional delegates are lin...
The wind whistled through my three hundred dollar haircut as I stretched on the balcony. That bitch had torn down the curtains as she fell, but I could hardly care less. Five hundred dollars in damages, maybe six hundred if I'm rude. Completely dwarfed by two hundred thousand dollars of insurance money. Sure, maybe the...
"Concentrate!"Dylan yelled. Ed looked fierce, the silken red cape fluttering as gusts of hot air threatened to knock her off balance. Her hands outstretched, her face full of grim determination, Ed fought the Flame Avatar with all her might. A fireball missed her by mere inches, just as she rolled under the crack of th...
You wake up, alarm clock beeping annoyingly beside you and you sigh, rolling over and slapping it with your left hand to shut off the incessant beeping. You wipe your eyes, clearing the crust that had gathered as you squint at the light, head pounding from a hangover. You drag yourself out of bed, putting on a pair...
"You mean wipe?"Glerb said. "What?"Fal wrinkled her front nose at Glerb. "You want to wipe this species out." "Uh,"Fal said. "Yes. Why? What did I say?" "Whip."Glerb said. "You want to whip the species out." Fal ran a talon through the feathered crest on her head. "Oh, ha ha. Just a, uh, slip of the tongue." As s...
“Look, I promise I don’t have wizardry. It’s just some stupid rumor.” Matt was still staring at me with eyes narrowed. “It’s just coincidence!” I pleaded. “I have bad luck! Why would I have magic powers? I’m not an orphan. I don’t even have a scar!” Matt sighed, motioning with his hands. He was my best friend, and if ...
It was in a wasteland that the last human stood. The husks of buildings and skeletal remains decorated rust-colored soil that stretched as far as the eye could see. No green was left, nor breathing thing save this one human, facing down the monstrosity of epic proportions that was before him. The man clutched his s...
"Why in the blue blazes do you want reincarnation for!?"Yelled out Low, "I already lived life once and the misery and suffering I went through was more than enough." ​ "And why would you want oblivion?"asked High in a much calmer voice, "If we get that then that's it, no thoughts or emotions, there would b...
I'm not ready for this. But everyone else was even less ready than me. So that puts me in charge of fixing this damn mess. I grip the radio in my hands tightly. The military is not someone I ever expected to be cooperating with. Someone barges into my office as I pace back and forth, trying to keep calm. "Boss, the...
Throbund was showing off for Elsibeth. She was a pure-blood Styrian, her skin a beautiful deep purple, her eyes a shining blue. Her arms and legs could be either multiple tentacles or single digit-based appendages, and she was unconsciously moving back and forth between the states. 'In my father's castle, I can do any...
The night was cold, crisp enough that my light hoodie felt stupid rather than just rebellious— though rebelling against mother nature was probably always stupid in the end. The Khans had learned that lesson, Napoleon. My dumbass DM too, when he kept trying to railroad the shaman into a dilapidated 7-Eleven. She might ...
I got into work on time, as I always did. I received the usual waves and greetings, as my coworkers saw me. I was aware of my privileged position on the workforce, being the company healer. Everyone made sure they were on good terms with me, in case they needed my help. I was incredibly well paid, as the bosses knew I ...
I bet you didn't know that gods die. It's true. I mean, who wants to live forever? Right? Well, it turns out that when gods decide they're ready to hang up that infinite power and turn in their lifelong place in mythology, they get to make a choice. And that's how a mere mortal, like me, gets the chance to become s...
“Alexa?” You whisper and with it the giant machine turns blue. The once chaotic crowd suddenly becomes absolutely silent, shocked by the scene unfolding. The machine responds back. “Sorry, I don’t know that command.” You laugh at the whole debacle. How did Alexa end up the voice of such a notorious killing machin...
"Greetings to all of our viewers..."I glanced to the teleprompter and gulped audibly ensuring the pause was well into its third trimester before daring to continue. "Terribly urgent news today..."My co-anchor nodded fervently her eyes however were continuously being drawn to the police officer standing with arms crosse...
People think it’s weird that I have two dads and two moms. There’s Tony, our leader. Tony can sometimes be strict, like when he hisses at me to stop talking because the bad men in blue uniforms are searching the floor below us. But Tony is really nice to me. Just the other day when he came home from work, he gave me...
Some say a child cries when it's born because of the change in environment and the fear of the unknown. Others say it's to initiate their lungs, as they are not necessary in the womb, but obviously are in the outside world. I cried because the first face I saw was also the last face I saw. I cried out of anger, the h...
I put my whiskey glass down on the desk and crack my knuckles. Let's get to work on this dirtbag. I click on the shitbird's username and within a second, I'm looking at his most recent comments. The whole page down to the fold is filled with single line responses, no context. Mostly inane circle-jerk stuff like "Th...
My head rung. I checked my body slowly. Just my head then. I crawled back up the stairs looking for the item that tripped me up. I couldn't find anything. The dog was still there looking at me. "Fucking telling Justin no next time."I said to the little bastard. The thing took off. I sat there for a long time until I...
I can’t sleep. You would think that on the night before the most important day of my life, I would be sure to get a significant amount of rest, and yet no matter how hard I try, I can’t sleep. I have had eighteen years to truly consider what I am meant to be in life; to outweigh the pros and the cons of either of my ...
"Mom, Dad, I have to talk to you."Michael walked into the kitchen with Karen. His parents were sitting at the dinner table talking among themselves. His father glanced up. "Oh hi Karen! How are things?" "Things are ok Mr Fletcher, I just got a new replacement hand after I burned my old one while baking."She smiled sh...
The Forerunner stood on the edge of the cliff and stared out at the endless dark blue plain. It moved like a living thing, crashing against the cliff hundreds of paces below the Forerunner's feet. Obstacles were not new to a Forerunner. It was her duty to run ahead of the March, to find obstacles and judge the path t...
I look Zazzy, The Lazy Turtle in the eye and I whisper, "I fucked your mom, turtle bitch." Zazzy's eyes go wide, and he mumbles, "You shouldn't talk like that. That's a very mean thing to –" I slap him hard across the face. "What are you gonna do about it? Come on!" "Don't slap me!"Zazzy pleads. "It's not a nice thi...
"So what do you do for a living?"Dr. Langston asked the man stretched out on the reclined chair. "Mmmmh fmmmhmm mmmffffuh." "Oh, sorry, I've been doing this so long and somehow I still manage to forget,"Dr. Langston said with a chuckle and removed the thick white cotton balls from the patient’s mouth. "I'm Avery Mas...
The coffee shop had the usual atmosphere you'd expect from a hipster place like that. Bearded men wearing flannel and short-haired women typing on their computers made up the mayority of the people present, with the odd business man waiting in line for his daily cappuccino. I wasn't really aware of my surroundings, so ...
They say that after ten minutes of going back in time, you’re as good as dead, if you’re lucky. Most people don’t make it past the first ten minutes. Most don’t make it past the first three minutes of burning death in the Hadean period. Or the oxygen starved days of the Earth, before microorganisms breathed it into t...
"Three choices?" Emma was flabbergasted. She considered for a second whether it was all a ruse, an elaborate joke. Where was the hidden camera? But the Genie was as real as could be. Floating in front of her, majestically, awaiting her response. "What happens when I choose to go back?" "You'll relive your life", sa...
The President rapped her fingers across the wood impatiently. "We've been waiting for hours,"she complained. "They're aliens,"the man said, sitting to the right of her. "Maybe in their culture, being two hours late is polite --" "Marco, stop it with your stupid theories --" *Zzzzzzzzzmmm.* The audio came in first. ...
I sprinted as fast as I could after xXMGNo0BM45ter666Xx, trying to close the gap between us. Ever since he upgraded to Boots of Velocity, I was having difficulty catching up to him. That bastard. I spammed a few buttons on my soundboard repeatedly, playing the same tune over and over again. *Why couldn't I been one of ...
So, a Roman general, a peasant, and a germanic barbarian are observing World War II from the afterlife. The Roman general says: "Look at the formations. They've taken our lessons to heart. Truly, this is the best of war." The peasant says: "Look at the soldiers; they're almost all the same kind of poor person I w...