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seeker: Economics and Business Law.
supporter: You should find a nice quiet spot to study. Maybe find something to feel you calm which will help you stay focused.
seeker: Good advice. I usually study in my bedroom, but that leads to distractions, such as TV and others wanting to talk.
supporter: Also make sure you are comfortable and have good lighting. That should help to.
seeker: Yes. I just have to buckle down and focus. Any advice for my anxiety?
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Question
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seeker: hi, can I discuss an issue with you?
supporter: Yes please. What has been bothering you?
seeker: My parents, they expect me to always get straight A's.
supporter: oh wow. Is that hard for you? Explain what's upsetting you about that.
seeker: It is upsetting because it is an expectation. I am not perfect and I always try my hardest. I am afraid of not being perfect.
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Self-disclosure
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supporter: I understand. I have been feeling the same way lately -- my family has been distracted and stressed and it's rubbing off on me. Are there other people around that you can spend time with?
seeker: Not really, I'm not a people person and the couple people I do talk to aren't supportive or going thru their own issues.
supporter: I understand. It seems to me that much of what makes the holidays worthwhile is the opportunity to spend time with people we care about. It makes sense that you would have a hard time celebrating with nobody there to share it with you.
supporter: Are you close with your family these days?
seeker: I have my family to share it with, my husband and kids. The teenagers are more about me buying them stuff and getting presents, and we're broke so I haven't been able to do the things I want to with my toddler.
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Providing Suggestions
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supporter: Just from the few messages we have exchanged I can tell you are very upset about this.
seeker: I am so upset. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I can hardly get up and function.
supporter: I completely understand, my ex-wife also found someone else while we were married and decided she wanted a divorce.
seeker: I don't understand why people even get married if they are going to look for someone else.
seeker: We could of just staid dating.
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Providing Suggestions
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seeker: That's a good question. My state is still one of the ones that's mostly shut-down. Part of my depression surely stems from the fact that all evening/weekend activities ended a year ago as well.
supporter: True. It might be easier to work at home when you have a chance to get out of the house during your free time.
seeker: That's true. And your suggestion of improving my work space is a good one. I've been working in a modified walk-in closet. I've tried to make it inviting, but there are no windows/etc.... it's kind of a dark cave.
supporter: Most people didn't plan for the long term because nobody thought that this was a sustainable way to work. By the way, if your company wants you to stay home, then it might help buy the equipment you need to be productive.
seeker: That's a good thought. My computer is set-up on a folding card table. (I tried finding a desk a while back, but there was a huge shortage since everyone suddenly had to buy them for themselves, kids, etc.). I hadn't thought of asking my company to buy me one. Plus a more comfy chair could improve my attitude.
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Providing Suggestions
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supporter: Yes of course! I hope you have a good day! :)
seeker: you to have a good day
seeker: you have doing great work my friend
supporter: Thank you!
seeker: is this any kind of social work
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Information
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seeker: Yes, I work out everyday. I will run for an hour later followed by 100 push ups and situps.
supporter: Does that help at all?
seeker: A little. But I have always done that so I feel like that is just normal. It used to be done at a gym but that is not safe now.
supporter: So it sounds like you are missing a lot of the social aspects of day to day stuff?
seeker: Yes. Mostly my friends. Who I didnt see a ton anyways.
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Self-disclosure
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seeker: Basically. This has happened for as long as I can remember, even back when I was a little kid. Any friend i've ever had has just used me for SOME gain. Whether that be boredom, money, or an emotional support pillow. I'm so sick of it. They'll literally ignore me for months and randomly text me for money. If i respond theyll read my messages then ignore me until they need money again. Or, they'll use me to throw alllll their problems onto me and never do the same for me. In some way shape or form- every person I become friends with uses me and throws me away when theyre done.
seeker: Sometimes I feel like it must be me. Maybe i',m annoying? This happens so often the common denominator is ME. But i'm friendly, im assertive, im out spoken, im kind. I don't LET people walk all over me but it seems like that;s all I attract.
supporter: So you feel under valued in your relationships because people tend to take advantage of you.
seeker: Pretty much. it just happens every single time. It's kind of discouraging and just makes me an angry person
supporter: It sounds like this is really bothering you. It is good that you are talking about it though.
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Providing Suggestions
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supporter: Yes, you have done very well. Don't get discouraged.
seeker: So do you suggest I seek professional help for her?
supporter: Yes, please do. I also suggest youself watch some motivation videos online such as Jon Jandia's "life is easy".
supporter: Life is easy. We made it too complicated.
seeker: I will take your suggestion. And do you think its a good idea to take her shopping and show her some of the outfits that I approve off?
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Providing Suggestions
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seeker: Yes, that is correct. I am very stressed due to this.
supporter: can you share a bit about what type of work you do?
seeker: I am an accountant.
supporter: I see. well the great thing about accountants is that every business needs them, regardless of the economy
seeker: My company has already cut 10%. With this new lock down order from my state, I am fearful. Is there a lock down where you live?
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Others
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supporter: so i'd spend my energy working on myself.
seeker: i guess
supporter: what are somethings you can do to take care of you?
seeker: work, meet new people, movies and do fun things
supporter: are there friends you can talk to about this? your parents? siblings?
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Providing Suggestions
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supporter: Yes. It is quite scary for all of us at the moment. Maybe it will be under control by this time next year though.
supporter: Can you think of anything to do that would take your mind off things?
seeker: I don't even know,
supporter: Perhaps you could make a list of the things that you have to look forward to in the New Year? It might help reassure you that things can get better.
seeker: For now I can't think of any, because I am totally depressed right now, I feel that the world is going to end right now
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Others
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seeker: Not really specifics. It's more of a just in general sort of thing. I know them both really really well, so I am just picking up on tiny little details
supporter: i hear you. have you said anything to either one of them?
seeker: I have talked to my boyfriend, but he just tells me that it's crazy I would think something like that. Idk... I don't want to sound crazy and blow it out of proportion if it's really nothing. I don't know if there is actually something I should be worried about, or if I am thinking these crazy thoughts for other reasons
supporter: having doubts about relationships is rough. do you know brene brown?
seeker: I don't know who that is
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Providing Suggestions
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supporter: yes, and maybe you will understand parts that some of them don't
seeker: Yeah you're right
seeker: maybe I'm not as hopeless as I thought
supporter: of course, I also struggle all the time
seeker: yea we all struggle all the time
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Question
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seeker: I'd say so, yes.
supporter: Sometimes I get seasonal depression during winter, I'd say it's relatively common.
supporter: If they value your work, then you must be objectively doing okay. Maybe you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.
seeker: Yep, SAD is not fun. For me it's year-round though
seeker: Maybe. I push myself a lot to the point where it is detrimental at times.
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Providing Suggestions
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supporter: Well that is cool, I'm sure that will help take your mind off of some stuff.
supporter: I am a runner. I like to run when I get stressed out.
seeker: I am working close to fulltime now and my social life is more rewarding.
supporter: I understand having Substance Abuse issues. I was in a family with the some issues. It is tough on everybody I'm sure.
seeker: I go to a Chirtian 12-step.
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Reflection of feelings
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supporter: I think you should talk to someone about this. Maybe a lawyer? There must be something people can do to help.
seeker: I hope I can too. I just take everything day by day. I start a new job this week and hopefully things will start looking up. The last 3 years have been rough to say the least.
supporter: I have to wrap this up now but I wish you all the very best for the future. Please try and reach out to people for help!
seeker: We weren't married. And of course he didn't have a will. He was only 32. So according to his family I have no legal rights.
seeker: Thank you for chatting with me.
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Others
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supporter: What industry do you currently work in?
seeker: Finance.
supporter: I know this is an extremely hard situation, but I know you can make it through it!
seeker: I doubt it. But thanks for the positive vibes.
seeker: Is there a lock down where you live?
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Self-disclosure
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seeker: Is considering counselling a better option?
supporter: Try other strategies first,if you dont find them helpful and if you can afford a counsellor,then you can try going for therapy.
seeker: I didnt know counselling is very expensive.are there any low cost options?
supporter: Yeah there atre some NGO s that can offer low cost counselling.You can try them.I myself tried those and found them very useful.
seeker: Oh I was not aware of the options about the low cost counselling.Thank you..
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Affirmation and Reassurance
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supporter: So it sounds like time together is important to him as well, and the fact that you are both on the same page about that is wonderful.
seeker: we had a lot of talks about this issue
supporter: Instead of you making the plans, why don't you try giving him suggestions and have him make the plans next time? Perhaps by him making them, he will be more focused on ensuring that he can be there.
seeker: that sound like a great idea
supporter: And then he will also see how much effort you put in!
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Others
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seeker: I'm doing good. I need some advice
supporter: What can I help you with?
seeker: Lately, my friends started to make jokes about my face being ugly. They even called my face as flat as a pan! What should I do? I see them everyday on the bus
supporter: Have you tried confronting them and asking why they are being bullies?
seeker: I did and they respond by saying that they are just joking and that I'm handsome. But it's starting to get on my nerves because it's all they make fun about every time
they see me!
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Affirmation and Reassurance
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seeker: here family issue going so depressed
supporter: Thats unfortunate. Whats going on with your family?
seeker: my dad not understand me
supporter: Have you tried to have a real sit down with him and explain how he is making you feel?
seeker: i love my dad so much but now a days my dad feel depressed so always angry with everyone. so i am not disturb
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Providing Suggestions
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seeker: So very difficult to contact
supporter: Would you feel comfortable talking to her about how you are feeling now?
seeker: Yes
supporter: Maybe you could text, call. or email her. It sounds like she would know better whats going on in your personal life.
seeker: I will tell my problem already in Email. But she doesn't replay to me.
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Reflection of feelings
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seeker: I caught her cheating on me.
supporter: I'm sorry to hear that. That's hard to forgive and move on from that.
seeker: I'm trying to just move on but I feel so insulted. I'm mad then sad back and forth, over and over.
supporter: I find that when I have a very painful situation, I try to only thing about it for a certain amount of time. Then I make a list of things to do so I can be occupied to not think about it.
seeker: Yes, but my whole life was upended. My living situation, my friend circle is broken up over this. I don't know how to move on. Any suggestions?
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Information
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supporter: All is well this evening what about you friend ?
seeker: Not so good, lonely.
supporter: Awl so sorry to hear that. There are times in all our lives that we feel alone. This feeling will change.
seeker: Thanks for the tip.
seeker: I was thinking about getting a dog. Is that a good idea?
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Self-disclosure
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supporter: Well, I don't try to deny the seriousness of the situation at all. But I do try to keep myself and my family healthy, physically and mentally, and maintain my close friendships via text/video.
seeker: Thanks for your insights. It is helpful to talk it out.
supporter: And I schedule my day, even though I'm working and going to school from home. I schedule breaks to go out and enjoy the fresh air, dance like an idiot to some music, play with my dogs, or whatever is refreshing.
seeker: Now is the time to focus and be disciplined.
seeker: I will take your advice.
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Others
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seeker: I have tried the Pros & Cons method. Pros are better pay and hours, cons are tougher interviews and more rounds
seeker: Yes, I think I need to give a try but I lack the confidence to put my resume out in the market.
supporter: I like the "Do it afraid!" method. I can still try even if I feel nervous. You really do not need confidence to put your resume out there, you just need to do it afraid. And when I "do it afraid" I realize it was easier than I thought.
seeker: "Do it afraid"? Do you mean do it even if I am afraid? It sounds a bit too optimistic to me.
supporter: I used to be paralyzed with self confidence, but the truth is, your confidence doesn't come from your job, your confidence comes from being a lovable person. The confidence that you are the person you want to be.
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Affirmation and Reassurance
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supporter: So you applied for the Security Team and was denied because of your full time position with the same company?
seeker: Correct, when I took the position my manager said that I could transfer after six months. I felt lied to and the micromanaging and high turn overstaff due to my supervisor has me on that same boat now. I feel like my only option is to quit. HR was the one who delivered the transfer denial.
supporter: Wow, that is crazy that is going on, it doesn't seem fair at all...
supporter: Have you tried going to any higher up? Perhaps in the HR department?
seeker: I am thoroughly disappointed, I have applied for a few local security job sites in my area that have had some interest in my resume. I figure I will leave the hospital since I was lied and I can only see this being the trend with this department. They keep their good workers and let the low skilled workers transfer out or they just quit.
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Affirmation and Reassurance
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supporter: THat's so hard. My best friend hated my ex boyfriend as well and we always fought about it. I tried really hard to understand where she was coming from. IN the end, she was right about somethings.
supporter: What was really helpful for me, was having us all spend time together so she could get to know him.
seeker: Ok I will give that a try. He's very good to me and I care deeply for him.
supporter: You should try setting up a fun day for them where they can get to know each other.
seeker: That's a great idea! Like bowling?
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Question
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seeker: I'm angry. I just want to be done school. but parents are on my butt about it.
supporter: What do your parents say when/if you tell them you want to be done with school?
seeker: they get mad at me and say they are dissapointed. I want to travel and see the world. not more schooling.
supporter: That's not a fair thing for them to say to their child. I will say that there are academic programs that combine travel and credits, but you probably know that already. And I don't think you should have to compromise anyway.
seeker: They won't take a compromise. parents are stubborn. What should i do? please parents or pursue my passion?
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Providing Suggestions
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supporter: Has he showed you his trouble areas?
seeker: I have. He has been ok with it but he gets frustrated when he gets pushed. I am trying to figure out where that line is and not upset him.
seeker: Yes, we get progress reports and the areas he needs help in.
supporter: i understand. have you had a talk with him about his progress in school and tell explain to him why school is important
seeker: I have talked with him. I think I just need to be more firm with him. I just don't want the fights!
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Information
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seeker: I'll start a plan and seeing if I can see my usual therapist and go from there. Sometimes it just helps talk it through depression stops you from seeing things clearly. Do you have any experience with mental health issues?
supporter: After my son was born I developed Post Partem depression and anxiety. It wasn't until almost a year and half after he was born to realize it.
seeker: That must have been difficult to deal with. Mental health affects so many people in so many ways. It's good that it's recognised these days at least.
supporter: It was. Luckily I had my doctor to help me. Family members meant well but chalked it up to "that's what its like to be a mom" but it is more than that.
seeker: I think this is why it's always best to see a professional. I really should try to reconnect with mine.
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Providing Suggestions
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seeker: not sure haha just figured try this out
supporter: me too!
seeker: so we both get paid for this right ? haha
supporter: hopefully:)
seeker: haha i hope so
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Affirmation and Reassurance
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seeker: In the past I was more invisble to others in general but that has improved as I will actually strike up a conversation. Just sometimes I feel unnoticed.
seeker: Thank you.
supporter: Thank you for talking!
seeker: You too, take care.
supporter: (you have to end it your end ... I can't :))
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Providing Suggestions
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seeker: I agree. at least she is responding to the treatments in the hospital
supporter: That's great to hear she is responding!
seeker: I was happy to hear it too. I've been extra careful not to get it cuz of my parents
supporter: ah, are they elderly or have a weakened immune system?
seeker: elderly. dads doctor told me not to meet friends in person cuz i could pass it onto him
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Others
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seeker: i dont know, he gets mad when i touch him. he wont divorce me either as he wont want to give me money from the divorce
supporter: You don't need permission for a divorce in the US. Where do you live?
seeker: i live in Chicago
seeker: but i wont be able to support my self and i dont want to be a divorcee
seeker: i am married to a lawyer and people look up to me
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Information
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supporter: I understand. I have also been on edge during these times, one thing I did do is take all the precautions I could to ease my anxiety.
seeker: Yeah. That's looking good. Do u have any idea about side effects of the vaccine, Is it safe for kids?
seeker: Are you working in frontline?
supporter: I am unsure at the moment. As the weeks continue I am sure we will hear more about the side effects. How are you coping during these times?
seeker: I am remotely working. I never go outside unnecessarily.
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Reflection of feelings
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supporter: yea, market is very bad and difficult right now but if i can get a job just last month then you can get one too
seeker: Thanks for your support
supporter: if the course is in relation to the kind of job you wand then go ahead. that is a good thing to do
seeker: lets see how long is going this crises situation
seeker: I try to continue to take these course but its difficult to manage this situation
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Others
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supporter: Just from chatting with you ,I can completely understand how that can be overwhelming .
seeker: i dont know what are you talking about
supporter: As a mom I have felt like this when my children were little , it became easier with time management
seeker: yes dear ..but with little kids , will always thinks about them , not intersted on anybody or anything
seeker: do you have childeren .Did you feel the same when you are new mom
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Providing Suggestions
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seeker: yeah me too
supporter: How have you been using your time during the crisis?
seeker: yeah mostly working and meditation
supporter: That's great! Meditation is also something I've picked up during this time. It's really helpful and can keep you balanced. Do you have a routine or do you just do it sporadically?
seeker: i mostly do it sporadically but i do need to do it more often
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Providing Suggestions
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supporter: All's well with me thank you :)
supporter: Was there something you'd like to talk about? I'm ready to listen.
seeker: have some issues on life matters !!
supporter: Oh? Would like you to tell me what's happening?
seeker: I'm afraid of what happens to my carrier because of this COVID?
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Question
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supporter: I would just suggest you to have no contact with her right now until all this passes
seeker: I text her to see how she was doing but haven't text with her since Friday. Any other ideas?
supporter: I would also have a talk with your boss about the situation and let him know how you are feeling
seeker: I also want her job. Does that seem weird to talk with him about that too?
supporter: Did you see your director playing the game?
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Providing Suggestions
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seeker: I was thinking of starting a Facebook page but I know that trolls can Target those.
supporter: That's a great idea. Maybe have a Memorial Service in his name at a place he frequented often, this way, no trolls and all the people who knew him could share their personal stories about him.
seeker: yeah that's not a bad idea. also may be speaking to somebody about it might help, I'm just reluctant at the moment as I don't want to appear weak.
supporter: Let me reassure you that you would not appear weak. Death is something that everyone deals with in their own ways, and talking to someone about it could be the best way for you to deal with these emotions. Have you felt like giving up or extreme depression after his death?
seeker: thanks for your concern by once a extreme depression or giving up. it's more just a constant sense of grief that just doesn't seem to go away. I think I will get over in time. I just wonder what I can do to speed that process up?
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Restatement or Paraphrasing
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seeker: im have been very depressed due to lack of jobs and i have a lot of bills pending
supporter: When was the last time you were employed?
seeker: May 2020
supporter: Coronavirus has impacted lives of many hard-working people. Are you eligible to receive help from the government?
seeker: My unemployment benefit has been stopped
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Reflection of feelings
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supporter: It sounds like you are a little apprehensive about attending school because you have not done it in awhile. Is this accurate?
seeker: yes
supporter: I can definitely understand that. I remember feeling a certain way when I pursued another degree. What would make you feel a bit more confident about the idea of school?
seeker: I dont know to be honest
supporter: It is certainly okay to feel nervous about it. This is a big step and a life-changing experience. You should be proud of taking that first step!
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Information
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seeker: My friends are mostly single and don't understand.
supporter: So you are sad because they don't understand you and they are jealous of you maybe?
supporter: I can understand how you could feel sad and left out but its your life. I think you know whats best for you. Its not like you are 16
seeker: THat's true but they have been so distant and i don't know how to bridge the gap.
supporter: I mean you are 29 give me a break . You are very mature and know what makes you happy and you have had some time to explore the world so to speak. Give me one moment to think of a solution
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Question
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seeker: Thanks. I wish that I could get over her. I'm not sure what I should do.
supporter: Have you gone out on any dates since the breakup?
seeker: I've talked to other women. They seem nice, but they all pale in comparison to my old GF.
supporter: Talking to other women shows that you are trying to move on.
seeker: That's a good way to think of it. It just made me feel worse because it reminded me of something that I don't have. Maybe it will get better.
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Reflection of feelings
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seeker: So what are you up to?
seeker: Hello? Are you there?
supporter: Was there a reasoning behind your decision? Sometimes we let our anger and emotions make our decisions for us.
seeker: Well. Basically all started for jealousy and she saw a couple of text messages of my best friend and she misunderstood the conversation and since then its not the same.
seeker: She doesnt trust me
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Affirmation and Reassurance
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supporter: It sounds like you really care to want to be close to home. Have you talked with someone locally about jobs that would allow you to stay close to home?
seeker: I have been talking to some people who my friends knows also. They show interest but cannot help me on the issue.
seeker: Surely they will refer to some people. But it will take some time.
supporter: Stay motivated. If one opportunity doesn't get your desired response you may be even closer to finding the right job for you. Keep pushing on and know that if one opportunity doesn't work out a positive attitude will make all the difference. Just because you haven't found one yet doesn't mean you won't.
seeker: Thanks for making confidence. I feel relaxed. I believe this will surely be a chance to find myself and get a better opportunity to be relieved from my previous difficulties. Only GOD should have forced me this way, I believe.
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Affirmation and Reassurance
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seeker: Thank you. I did tell my parents who are in their 80's not to take him in. I feel that he needs to make decisions or at least have some kind of respect or gratitude while living here.
supporter: What did your parents say?
seeker: They agreed. He needs to get along or realize that at 25 he may need to figure out how to get his own place and support himself.
supporter: Oh i didn't realize he aws 25. That's a good point. You can tell him that.
seeker: I feel really torn but he needs boundries in behavior. I hate the turmoil.
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Reflection of feelings
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seeker: mostly sights that talk about movies. there are a few i submit to
supporter: Good. I write on a forum called Medium
supporter: I write and can get paid also
seeker: oh yes i know that one
supporter: There are various topics you can write about. Just write and post
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Question
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seeker: I work for a big company and corporate sets goals that cannot reasonably be met safely in the amount of time we are given with the lack of support
supporter: This can be a common stressful feeling in health care.
supporter: Do you have anyone in the organization you would feel comfortable addressing the workload with?
seeker: I do, but in the past when I have said something I wasn't given a solution, only asked what I think could be done
seeker: I think we need more staff but they didn't think that was the solution
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Information
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supporter: that's really hard but you can do it
seeker: Yes ,I did it and am happy I moved on and came out stronger
supporter: yes its very hard to come out from this but hopefully you will forget everything
supporter: That's very good
seeker: Thank you for your encouragement
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Reflection of feelings
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supporter: How are you?
seeker: I'm pretty stressed out actually
supporter: I'm sorry to hear that. It's rough to get stressed
supporter: Would you like to tell me what's going on?
seeker: Sure. I just failed a huge test in my college class, and I'm worried it will fail me the entire class, and then I won't be able to get my associates
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Affirmation and Reassurance
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seeker: We were speaking on phone because i wanted to set up a physical meeting where we could discuss the logistics
seeker: Yes,it is a financial burden because this is money i was saving for a venture
supporter: That is very difficult. It is hard to judge things on the phone.
seeker: Yes,this is a really close friend from way back and i would be devastated to lose the friendship
seeker: It is difficult to judge on the phone yes,which is why i wanted a physical meeting but she snapped at me and said that she will just pay me when she can
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Reflection of feelings
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supporter: that's really hard, i can feel your fear
supporter: i lost my job also because of covid economy inpact
seeker: Yeah, I just don't know what to do now. My wife works part-time but I need a little more cash.
supporter: have you try looking another job from nearby
seeker: Yes, I have. I think I am getting closer to finding something.
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Others
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supporter: So now that you understand that you have a awesome skill and that is being positive, build on this. What building blocks can you write down that has helped you pushed through the fire and keep it some where close to you to always give you piece of mind and reinforce your habits of pushing through the fire.
seeker: Well, I am not one for journaling or anything. I try to stay active. I am about 6 months into remission from stage 4 HL (cancer) and it's been quite the emotional journey there. With that said, the mental and physical overhaul left quite a dent in my overall feelings about myself. I'm just now able to run again and in the past week I ran 2 5k's. To me, this was monumental and made me feel great. I'm also learning how to not overextend myself. I just keep hoping for continued improvement in all areas. The reinforcement is just that I can get through this, these feelings are only temporary.
supporter: I totally understand that you are not for writing things down to keep. Yet, you have gone through a alot of events in your life where other would have given up. The key is transmitting your successes regardless of the situations. COVID is not going anywhere and as a person who has beaten stage 4 cancer, it is scary to be living in these times. You are doing monumental things, never forget that because your feelings and stamina for living will bind everything together. Politics, is the dirtiest and no government can solve and will solve the problems in the world.
seeker: thank you for listening. It helps to sometimes just get it out there. I have to go coach now (virtually). Have a great evening.
supporter: You too as well
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Others
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seeker: Are there any particular books or authors that you would recommend
supporter: Not really, I would just look online, and type in relationship books and look at reviews.
seeker: That is good, I have a friend that only reads these types of books, I could ask him for some suggestions, I don't want to seem like I am being a burdun to him though
seeker: He is a counselor and I am sure that he is frequently asked to help people when he just wants to be a normal friend
supporter: You think you will burden him? You are not a burden
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Affirmation and Reassurance
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supporter: Oh I'm so glad you are in touch in that way, do you find them supportive?
seeker: My kids make me happy to talk to but usually I don't feel like seeing anyone
supporter: Is there any way they can come and visit you?
seeker: I don't even know how to describe how I feel to people sometimes
seeker: I hope they will be coming soon when my youngest son gets out of school
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Reflection of feelings
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seeker: Yes thats right. I keep trying and feel like I"m not getting anywhere.
supporter: Just from the few messages we have shared I can tell how anxious this is making you.
seeker: Yes. I think that I might have to try to find a different type of work than I"m used to and I'm not sure I'll be good at trying something new.
supporter: I just recently went through a layoff at my company, and I had the same situation trying to find another job. It is very stressful.
seeker: I wish that I could get more of a reason than just a denial of my application. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong and most companies won't give any feedback.
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Providing Suggestions
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seeker: Basically he wants to sleep with someone else for a change
supporter: let me get you right, you mean you guy want to cheat on and he told you about it
seeker: yes he wants me to know so that he doesn't feel guilty about it
supporter: wow, that will be tough on you because even if you said no, he might just do it without telling you
seeker: Exactly.... he said I can do it behind your back without you ever knowing but I would rather be honest with you
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Reflection of feelings
|
seeker: These people.....I don't understand....
supporter: I hear that they don't understand, can you explain further
supporter: Can you tell me more?
seeker: My co-workers feel that this whole pandemic thing is a government conspiracy to lessen the overpopulation in this world. It really hurts me cause I have people who have passed due to this. THIS IS REAL!!
supporter: There are a lot of people who are struggling and it is clearly a very upsetting time for you.
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Reflection of feelings
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supporter: Also, when he is home, you could both try REALLY connecting during that time. Then maybe when he is at work, you won't feel so alone having made that connection that morning or the night before.
seeker: we do make the most of our 2 to 3 hours together at night. otherwise i would completely break down
supporter: That is good.
supporter: Does he understand your feelings or does he tend to dismiss them?
seeker: he feels the same way about our time
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Restatement or Paraphrasing
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supporter: I was checking 10 times a day. What really helped me was to actually stop checking. Maybe just try to get some local news but dont let it consume you.
seeker: cleaning, hobbies, anything else good for distraction? got a good podcast recommendation?
supporter: Ha not at the moment no. I think also trying to include the family in those things as well really helps. I mean if things get heated always good to give everyone space.
supporter: Well i do love last house on the left, but that is a little dark and i think were trying to steer away from that.
seeker: thanks for your advice. y'all stay safe
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Others
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seeker: I am not a good driver
supporter: What do you find are your top skill sets?
seeker: I was working in an IT company as a program analyst
supporter: That is good that you have a good skill set that allows you to find something in the same field of IT.
seeker: I am really having hard time to get one
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Question
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seeker: I appreciate it lol I didn't imagine myself getting help through a platform through this, but I appreciate the support.
supporter: Have you thought about looking for some work from home for the time being? There are a lot of companies who are offering remote work during this time.
supporter: It was my pleasure!
seeker: I know I'll get over it. It's just an unexpected change
seeker: I am. I'm looking at a few options and retooling. I planned on starting university again in Fall 2021 to retool
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Others
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seeker: When people ask about Christmas plans, I don't want to depress everyone. But I can't pretend everything's okay.
supporter: So you feel as though you have to avoid people because you do not want to make them feel bad that you are feeling bad?
seeker: I don't know... I know my friends would be supportive. But then I feel like it's selfish of me to bring people down, when this whole year has been a downer for so many of us.
supporter: Well let me ask you - if the situation were reversed, would you feel that a close friend was bringing you down if they talked about their bereavement?
seeker: Maybe, but I wouldn't mind that.
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Reflection of feelings
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supporter: hello
seeker: yes i will try and download some video tutorial on youtube
maybe that will help
supporter: definitely, it will be of help
seeker: ok thanks for the advice
supporter: get your courage back, do not give room for fear.
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Others
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supporter: It can help to just allow yourself a brief rest when you can.
seeker: Do you have any good ideas to cope with stress?
supporter: I find it helpful to find even just five minutes in the morning or evening to meditate.
supporter: Some deep breathing to clearly our mind.
seeker: What do you do in the moment when you are overwhelmed? I get so busy I feel like a mess and so unorganized
|
Restatement or Paraphrasing
|
supporter: So you are still plugged in the church
seeker: Because of the way the feed is set up, I can not participate unless I am at the church building, and I need to wait until I am clear of the COVID infection first.
supporter: My church is miles away but I still hear the message every Sunday
seeker: I watch the service live each week. Actually, I have told the pastor I have gotten spoiled and like the online streaming because I can watch the service again, later.
seeker: There are days when I am closed up in my room wanting to feel sorry for myself that I take great comfort in watching the service again.
|
Question
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seeker: During this pandemic situation, most of the companies laid off their employees.
supporter: Just from these few messages, I can tell you are very anxious about this situation.
seeker: Yes. I don't know what to do.
supporter: Have you spoken with your supervisor about how you feel? Often times it helps to make sure your supervisor is aware of your concerns.
seeker: No. I just got the information from the company and didn't speak with anyone.
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Self-disclosure
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seeker: It creates depression on my mind
seeker: I cannot concentrate on any other works
supporter: it seems to me that you feel you can not trust a friend, correct me if im wrong?
seeker: I trust my friends very much. They won't show the same trustfulness on me.
supporter: Oh ok, have you asked them why they feel they can not trust you?
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Providing Suggestions
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supporter: Yes, Kind of like whispers, almost like Bob Ross on those old painting videos.
seeker: Just talking about my anxiety has helped a lot actually, and I do enjoy bob ross, hadn't thought of that as therapeutic but it makes sense
supporter: I am glad I could be helpful.
seeker: Yes, thank you for your help
seeker: Take care now!
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Reflection of feelings
|
seeker: just graduated university and my parents are pressuring me to pursue becoming a doctor
supporter: Oof, that is a very difficult situation. I'm sorry you're going through that. How do you feel about it?
seeker: I'm angry. I just want to be done school. but parents are on my butt about it.
supporter: What do your parents say when/if you tell them you want to be done with school?
seeker: they get mad at me and say they are dissapointed. I want to travel and see the world. not more schooling.
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Reflection of feelings
|
supporter: Yeah try the HDMI hook up you can sometimes find cheap attachements on amazon if you don't have the right connections.
seeker: Sometimes I get really anxious. My ears will be pounding and I feel like I can't hear anything.
seeker: It is worse when using in ears, because it's like all I can hear is my heartbeat.
supporter: yeah if you stream it on your tv, you won't have to wear headphones... that way you can control the volume better too.
seeker: That sounds like a great idea. Have you had any weird technological solutions to help you through distance learning?
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Self-disclosure
|
seeker: I've had other people say the same, thank you for the recommendation
seeker: I'll give it a try tonight
supporter: Studies on the benefits of meditation, mindfulness, and yoga have been pretty definitive in the fact that it drops people's stress levels, and thus their cortisol levels, and makes a real change for the better. I do it myself and it really has worked well for me.
supporter: That's great! You'll be so glad that you did, I just know it.
supporter: Please make sure you get back in touch with me to let me know if it was beneficial for you as well.
|
Question
|
seeker: I have been better
supporter: Do you want to tell me what happened?
seeker: Well its happening still. I have end of term exams coming up and I have been trying real
ly hard to study but I am afraid I will fail my classes.
supporter: Is there a reason for you to think that way?
seeker: I havent done really well on the other tests. I turn in all my work and study hard but I can not seem to pass the exams
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Others
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seeker: It's just their response is what I'm afraid of because I don't know if they will react positively or negatively.
supporter: I can tell that this bothers you a lot.
seeker: Kind of. Sometimes I feel like I am better off without friends but then again, I've known them for so long that I just don't want to push them away or anything.
supporter: I have found that being honest and expressing our true feelings helps us and helps others understand us.
seeker: Ah okay.
|
Affirmation and Reassurance
|
seeker: BTW how do we know when this HIT is complete? Yes, striving to gain 10 lbs of lean mass.
supporter: I agree, but it's not like we have any major control over that unfortunately.
seeker: Serenity prayer. Lord grant me.. to control ..
supporter: You have to hit "quit" and fill the questionarie. And I am sure you can get really strong! Just keep working out :D
seeker: How about you? Holding up to Covid-19 insanity?
|
Self-disclosure
|
supporter: I absolutely get it. I work from home right now so it's just me all day. Sometimes, I literally only talk to my cats. I am a crazy cat lady.
seeker: Cats are cool
supporter: I had a whole cry and freak out moment when part 2 of quarantine hit recently. I wholeheartedly understand.
supporter: Do you have any pets?
seeker: I have a Russian Blue cat ssmart very smart cat
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Others
|
seeker: My family knows that. I am older
supporter: That sounds like a good idea then. Meet someone to settle down with and get through this with.
seeker: That is my goal. Also get to teh beach
supporter: I'm in the North, so anything outdoors sounds nice right about now.
seeker: I used to live up north but the cold got to me
|
Reflection of feelings
|
seeker: Sure!
supporter: Sounds great. You can let me know if you found a book club.
seeker: Awesome! Thanks again for everything -- and merry christmas
seeker: or happy holidays sorry
supporter: You are so very welcome. Merry Christmas to you too!
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Others
|
supporter: Yes i have had the misfortune of experiencing a cheating boyfriend. I left him and to my surprise i met my amazing husband soon after dumping my cheating ex.
seeker: Maybe the next one will be better? Maybe I will be able to meet the ONE? I just don't know anymore...
supporter: Move forward with your head held high & be grateful for the bullet you dodged. Imagine had you not found out and you married him and the found him having an affair! He did you a favor & now you can truly thrive as the wonderful person you are!
seeker: That's a good way to look at it, it would be more messy if I had never found out
seeker: I feel a little better now, thanks for your help
|
Providing Suggestions
|
supporter: I think that's true for a lot of states since cases seem to be going up everywhere, unfortunately. What are your plans for the holidays?
seeker: Mostly stay home with the family, try to save money and cut expenses this year. How about you?
supporter: We're planning on camping in the desert. That's a good idea to save money. How do you plan on saving money?
seeker: No gifts giving and going make a modest size home made family dinner for thanksgiving this year. Usually we go visit family out state. We just want to get out of debt this year and save for next year.
seeker: Coivd really humbled us. But it's a good thing
|
Affirmation and Reassurance
|
seeker: yes
supporter: I am so very sorry to hear that. Do you mind me asking what type of job it is?
seeker: i am working as a supervisor in a private manufacturing company
seeker: currently working from home
seeker: feeling so depressed regarding this issue
|
Self-disclosure
|
supporter: Make sure to only choose realistic goals so's not to make yourself feel despondent and do not be too hard on yourself if something does not work out!
supporter: A journal is a fantastic idea. You can track your personal progress over a period of time.
seeker: Thank you youre right i put too much on myself
supporter: Unfortunately, depression does mean that we can judge ourselves far too harshly. I have been guilty of that myself in the past.
seeker: Yes it has bothered me for years and its like a weight on my shoulders
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Others
|
supporter: Rescues are the best. My two are rescues and it took them a while to trust me but now they love me unconditionally. It is good that you have a pet in your life .. much better than your useless ex I think!
seeker: haha yep. i think my dog is thrilled with having the extra bed space, as mean as that sounds
supporter: LOL well it's good that you are able to look on the bright side about this. Have you considered making plans for the future, once the pandemic is over?
seeker: Yep, ill be getting back to my life and plans after. i have a bad heart condition so ive had to stay inside pretty much all year. also another messed up thing my ex did to me, cheated on me and then came back into the house. she could have passed it to me.
supporter: I am sorry to hear about your heart condition, that obvious compounds your problems. I believe that things are going to improve in the New Year though
|
Others
|
seeker: I am a cutter
supporter: This is very troubling for me to hear! I used to be a cutter as well so I can relate to this 100%
seeker: I usually start cutting on myself when I get too depressed if I do not use drugs and alcohol.
supporter: As a safety precaution, I would like to give you the phone number for the local crisis center in your area so that if you ever feel like hurting yourself you can reach out to them for immidiate help in case of this emergency. would that be something that you were open to?
seeker: I could always use any help I can get. Please send the number
|
Question
|
seeker: what's that supposed to mean
supporter: don't worry about it just lighting the mood but really girls can be complicated and i get that its hard to understand why she left
seeker: what do I do, we've been with each other for 4 and a half months
supporter: just give some time for yourself hangout with your friends and be free
seeker: i wish but I dedicated so much time for her, I was planning to hang out with her over Christmas and blew off my friends. now they have their own plans
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Others
|
supporter: yea try to fill yourself with positive news or watch a movie read a book stay off social media abit helps me
supporter: music helps me alot
seeker: relieved is the right word. I just dont even know where this came from
seeker: i listen to music alot, it is somewhat comforting for me
supporter: yea music is healing for sure
|
Affirmation and Reassurance
|
seeker: yes up to five years but my company getting too much lost so they took out lots of employs
supporter: I can understand that being used to a routine and then suddenly losing that can cause a lot of depression and confusing for you. Are you feeling lost?
seeker: i feel very depress
supporter: I am proud of you taking the step to reach out today and share your feelings with me. That takes a lot of strength on your part.
seeker: Thanks for understand my feelings , do you have any experience like that
|
Self-disclosure
|
supporter: Just from chatting with you, I can feel how sad you are about life and maybe a little overwhelmed with what the next step of life is.
seeker: What would be that next step if I asked you?
supporter: I used to be really sad about life too. However, helping others who are sad helped me become happier, knowing that I am helping others also become happier.
seeker: What makes you think someone as useless as me could provide any help?
supporter: Take a deep breathe and think about any happy memories. If you are sad right now, the only way is up from here!
|
Affirmation and Reassurance
|
seeker: They don't say that I made the best choices I could given the circumstances.
supporter: I see that can be frustrating.
seeker: I want to cry every time they talk to me. I don't know how to communicate any better what I'm feeling.
supporter: I see that you are communicating to them but they don't understand where you are coming from. That can be frustrating.
seeker: What can I do to please them?
|
Question
|
supporter: I see, It's been a difficult year for all of us. But I think it would be possible to negotiate
seeker: But I tried negotiating. They are down-sizing the entire sales department. What else can I do?
supporter: Hmmm, I can see that this is stressful for you
supporter: Did you already search for a new job?
seeker: Yes I am preparing my resume but job vacancies are few and far between. I am worried about my next job.
|
Affirmation and Reassurance
|
seeker: I think so..
supporter: Well that is a good start. Maybe you could make a list of things you want to discuss with your counsellor too.
seeker: I like the idea .. thanks..
supporter: Try not to worry - I hope that things go well with you.
seeker: I hope so.. thank you for you suggestion.
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Others
|
seeker: That's one of the things that I am trying to focus on - being mindful of myself.
seeker: It's been helpful that my city is on Lockdown so I'm able to go on walks & spend some time by myself
supporter: Oh that's awesome - despite the circumstances. Are you in the US?
seeker: No, thank heavens. My government is handling things a bit better here in Canada.
seeker: Being out of work is tough, but at the same time I get a bunch of time to myself.
|
Affirmation and Reassurance
|
seeker: hello
supporter: I do not have a recommendation due to potential geographical differences, but on google.com you can search counselors in your area and find some. The reviews may help you decide on a solution
seeker: should i tell my husband about this
supporter: If you feel it is necessary to discuss with your husband you can, but if you do not, you do not have to. You may be able to speak to a counselor and ask their opinion too
seeker: i feel ashamed now when i look at myslef coz i feel that my husand cheated coz i am ugly
|
Affirmation and Reassurance
|
supporter: Everybody is facing a challenge time right now, we are all together on this
seeker: Sounds like a similar situation. Not sure if these efforts will pay off long term but need to do something to maintain sanity. Youtube can pay something if there are enough hits and subscribers.
supporter: Sure, in short term is a good choice. The most impoetant thing is looking foward always. For long term we are going to figure out something else
seeker: Having a religious base too can help.
supporter: For me this is the powerful tool, I pray every single day
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Information
|
seeker: no we dont have any issues between us.Its a situation that he decide to left me.
supporter: oh Sorry to hear about that. Are you still having good bon? If you want to stay connected with someone it is really important to have communication with each other.
seeker: yeah but i had a good family right now.i don't want to hurt them either.
supporter: That's great if you want to move forward and forget about it. You should engage yourself in the activities which you like. It will help you a lot coming out from this situation.
seeker: YEAH REALLY THANKS FOR YOUR SUGGESTIONS.I REALLY WORK ON IT.
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Others
|
seeker: Very confused and upset. They don't have problems, she just fell out of love with him and wants to be with a woman.
supporter: I have had feelings of uncertainity in my relationship before as well. I know these feelings can be upsetting
seeker: Right. It's tough because we are all friends, she and I, our husbands and our children.
supporter: oh goodness, that sounds like a difficult situation but at least you have your friends to help you through it
seeker: Yes, they are all very upset with her. I am being the most patient but I don't like it.
|
Information
|
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