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Oh, you poor man. You're about to get a lot poorer. | You didn't think it was so horrible when you were falling down the hole. |
Aw Dad, did my story make you cry? | Well, it was very moving, but the thing is, bats are chewing my legs! |
Aw Dad, did my story make you cry? | Oh, why did I lead you down here to find those stupid coins? |
OH THE YELLOW GOLD OF TEXAS / IS WHAT I WANNA SAVE / I WILL NOT PAY NO TAXES / IF I HIDE IT IN A CAVE | I deduced from his parody lyrics that he was hiding gold in the cave. |
OH THE YELLOW GOLD OF TEXAS / IS WHAT I WANNA SAVE / I WILL NOT PAY NO TAXES / IF I HIDE IT IN A CAVE | I figured he'd never miss two or three pieces. Money which we could use to pay for Bart's operation. |
I need an operation? | That's a story for another day. |
Why does God always need money? | It's a lot of little stuff. God has to pay all the elves in his workshop... plus he's got all those planets to support -- you see that ring he gave Saturn? |
How can you be sure? | 'Cause he wants it. |
And the winner is-- | A living duck! I wished too hard and he became real! |
There, there... the fact that you tried means everything. | Hey... that's the same thing you said to Bart after he choked in that soccer game. And we both know he sucked. |
Let's do it again! | A canoe made of country ham? You know I'll eat it. |
¡Ay, el Mundo es loco! | I heard in study hall you were babysitting tonight. |
Homer! We're not in high school. | So Marge, in tomorrow's game I'm gonna recover a fumble just for you. |
Maybe you'll run it in for a touchdown. | Don't pressure me. I get enough of that from my Dad. |
Well, maybe we can take your mind off things by studying for the S.A.T.: "Snuggles And Tickles." | Old Man Flanders! |
Hey Homer! Sneakin' kisses from the Missus? | Springfield High football rules! |
Hey Homer! Sneakin' kisses from the Missus? | No one turn on the sprinklers, okay? |
Dad, Mom's over at the Flanders', babysitting Nimrod and Nimtodd. We wanna do something. | Fine. As soon as I finish watching my show. |
Uh... sure. | I am gonna get them so wet. |
This is much sadder than I expected. | Sad? You're crazy. I feel like I'm at the Oscars for the animals I forgot existed. |
Cheer up, Toot-Toot. Have some of my ice cream. | My son's been ape-napped! |
Help! She's grooming me! She's grooming me! | Aren't you gonna do something? |
I'm afraid there's nothing we can do now. A chimp that size could tear your son's head right off. | But she'll leave the rest of him alone? |
Where's Bart? I haven't seen him since you came home. | Oh, you haven't seen Bart for a few hours, so you automatically assume I let something terrible happen. |
I didn't say that. | I know what you think: when stupid Homer wasn't looking, Bart got kidnapped by a monkey. |
I could never think something that horrible. | And now I'm using sarcasm to confess the whole thing, so later I can say that I already told you. |
Dad, you can't keep this up for long. | Oh, you're so right. I guess I should be more concerned with Bart's safety than covering my own butt. And maybe I'm talking like this because I can't stop. Help me, Lisa! I have serious mental problems! |
Whoa! This Oreo is rank. | Bart! Bart! |
Whoa! This Oreo is rank. | When the monkey falls asleep, I'll sneak you out in this trash bag. Then I'll come back and feed the monkey a peach full of antifreeze. |
Whee. Whee. | I fell asleep before the monkey. |
Whee. Whee. | Uh-oh. |
Maybe there's another way to solve this. Bart is clearly fulfilling an emotional need for Toot-Toot. | Lisa, monkeys don't have feelings. If they did, then my experiments could be called cruel. |
While you were living the glamorous life of a TV chimp, I was raising my son. You have no right to take him away from me now. Please, please, give me back my boy. | Marge, Toot-Toot and her son escaped! |
Hey, I know how we can save Bart. | Mr. Teeny?! |
Maybe he's getting married! | Why the hell would he want to do that... blessed sacrament that has made my life so rich? I like your hat, sweetie. |
I'm not wearing a hat! | I mean the one at the house. |
I've never seen a picture so highly defined! | Lenny, this TV is amazing. If you're not careful, I might just spend the rest of my life on your couch. |
You don't mean that literally, of course. | You're right, Lenny. I... |
You don't mean that literally, of course. | Lenny! Bring me a beer and your deepest chamber pot! Chop-chop! |
Mom didn't say anything about high-def! | Later, if I have enough energy, we can walk up to the TV and I'll show you how thin it is. |
Wow, there's a rainbow outside. | Oh yeah, well right there's a commercial with a dancing cold sore. |
The winner is, Bodell Jenks Junior! | Wow, I can actually feel the heat. |
Beat it! This is my alone time! | Can you at least take a picture of me with the TV? |
I ain't fallin' for that again. | Oh yeah, good times. |
Homie, I've been thinking. We have been using this TV for a long time. So I entered a contest where the first prize is a plasma screen TV. | Oh Marge! I love you! I love you! I love you! |
Now I really hope we win that contest. | There's a chance we won't win? |
Now I really hope we win that contest. | My collection is complete. Forty years of the Family Circus. |
Now I really hope we win that contest. | Y'ello. |
Congratulations, Mr. Simpson. You've won! | The big screen TV? |
No. No one wins that. You won third prize: a tour of the Fox Network in Los Angeles, California. | All expenses paid? |
Ooh, why look, there's Dan Castellaneta from the Tracey Ullman show. | Hey, funny man, say something funny! |
Please don't lean out of the tram, sir, you might get hurt. | Don't lean out of the tra-- |
Oh, about enough to buy a new plasma TV. | That's just the product I've been coveting! Pick us! Pick us! |
Not so fast. Are you sure you want your most intimate moments broadcast across the country? | Are you kidding? Take a look at my DVD. |
Not so fast. Are you sure you want your most intimate moments broadcast across the country? | They'll never let me near Lake Havasu again. |
What are you doing, Homer? | I'm signing us up for a reality show where we trade you to another family. |
Well, that might be interesting... or it could damage many, many lives. | Oh Marge, you're the greatest mom ever. I want the whole world to see that. |
I got my tenure at twenty-eight. | Oh really? Bart, when did you get your tenure? |
I got my tenure right here. | Yeah, well I have full tenure. |
You can call me Charlie. But do not call me late when there are scones about. Little British humor. | I'll bet the twist is he's gay. |
I don't understand, Dad. Our family has so many flaws. Why must we share them with the world? | Because we'll be on TV, and earn enough money to buy a TV. TV. |
But Dad... | Yes, TV-sa? |
Forget it. | Listen up, Stonehenge. I made a drawing of the places on Marge you can't touch. Especially the hair. |
Oh, you needn't worry. I'm a bit of an elbow man, myself, actually. A bit different, a bit weird. Not sexual. | You take forever to say nothing. |
Oh, you needn't worry. I'm a bit of an elbow man, myself, actually. A bit different, a bit weird. Not sexual. | Ya know, you don't seem like the money-hungry semi-stripper who's usually on Fox. Why'd you do it? |
Well, I thought there was no further way I could humiliate my husband. And then this opportunity came along. | I see. Well, I should be getting to the living room... |
You know, I despise my husband. | Well, he didn't get the prize pig at the fair, either. |
Charles hasn't satisfied me in years. | Yeah, that's how I feel about Notre Dame football. |
Cruel, dusty years! | I don't know why I ever married that woman. |
Now Homer, would you care to give your report on "C.S.I. Miami?" | Uh, okay. |
Now Homer, would you care to give your report on "C.S.I. Miami?" | There's this guy that got killed -- I think it was in Miami? So C.S.I. Miami investiga-ted-ed it. Then a family said how much they loved the Olive Garden. Then I fell asleep. When I woke up, Letterman was talking to Alias. |
Homie, I missed you so much! Put your pants back on. | Oh Marge, thank God you're back! She made me spend time with the kids. And not just TV time. Talking time! |
Where is she? Where is the soul-sucking she-beast I call "Sweetums?" | Maggie? She's in her crib. |
You're leaving me for him?! | So it would appear. However, Cousin It, there, was born a woman. |
What brought us together is how much we hate you. | Yeah, well, I'm gonna vote "No" on Thirty-eight so you can't adopt. |
What brought us together is how much we hate you. | Kidding! Kidding! I don't vote! The polling place is up a hill and I never make it! |
What brought us together is how much we hate you. | YOU MAKE ME LAUGH / YOU MAKE ME CRY / WITHOUT YOU I'D JUST / WANT TO DIE / FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE / YOU'LL BE A FIXTURE / NOW LET ME ENJOY / YOUR PICTURE IN PICTURE... |
What brought us together is how much we hate you. | And Marge, you're pretty great too. |
And that's not your strong suit, big guy. | I'll show you all. I'm gonna spearhead the hell out of this expansion bid! |
Homie, you've been down here for a week, I really think you need- What the Hellmann's Real Mayonnaise?! | Marge, meet pro football's newest team: the Springfield Meltdowns! |
Homie, you've been down here for a week, I really think you need- What the Hellmann's Real Mayonnaise?! | Plus I designed a state-of-the-art stadium. We'll fund it with corporate naming rights. It's the Duff Beer-Krustyburger-Buzz Cola-Costington's Department Store-Kwik-E-Mart-Stupid Flanders Park! |
Homie, you've been down here for a week, I really think you need- What the Hellmann's Real Mayonnaise?! | So... Homer do good? |
It's so strange that the commissioner didn't show up. | Maybe he's thinking of a new shape for the football. |
I am never coming back to this city -- and neither is the league! | You mean... |
That's right! The Springfield Meltdowns football club shall never be! | You're a useless old man! Name one thing you do for this family. |
Homie, you should give your Dad a call. You can't stay mad at him forever. | Yeah, you're right. |
Homie, you should give your Dad a call. You can't stay mad at him forever. | Y'ello. You want my opinion on current movies?! Well, first of all, they're all perfect. Also: when's the Cap'n Crunch movie coming out? And will it be "R" or "Hard R"? |
No! Wait! Wait! Bullfighting is a cruel, pseudo-sport! | Lisa's right! It is a cool, super sport! |
Hell, yeah! | Ooh, a penny. This is my lucky day. |
Distracted as if by a moral dilemma. A moral dilemma posed by a young boy... no, a girl! A girl named Linda... no, Lisa! The flutter of the cape tells all. | Hurry up and kill it! I have to be at the opera by seven! |
Before we begin the movie, please join me in a moment of silence for the workers who gave their lives in an heroic -- | Mo-vie! Mo-vie! Mo-vie! Mo-vie! Mo-vie! |
However, federal law requires I keep one union worker on the payroll. So congratulations, whoever catches this bouquet. | Woo hoo! I win! In your face, best friends! |
You've been transferred to India!? | Hey, Marge it's what I've gotta do to keep this family living in luxury. |
Luxury? This thermostat is just painted on. | Oh my God, you're right! I'd better call the guy. |
Luxury? This thermostat is just painted on. | Send someone right over! Ooh, here he is. |
Luxury? This thermostat is just painted on. | Yeah, well while I'm gone, you'll do what he says. |
Whoa! He's gone! | What about her. |
Aw Dad, we'll miss you so much. | I'll miss you kids too. |
Attention: India Air Flight fifty-seven. Now boarding first class, small children and fat guys. | That's me! |
Homie, I got you something to read on the plane. | Woo hoo! |
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