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Yes there is! | Ooh, a thermos! With seven cups of coffee still in it! Oh wait, six! |
Dad, that's a bomb! | Here! It's yours! |
Oh, my special little guy. I'm so glad you're okay. | Oh, I'm just glad you taste like hot dogs! |
It's okay. That was Shelbyville. | C'mon, everybody. Time for the family portrait. Let's bunch together now. Here we go. |
It's okay. That was Shelbyville. | Move it! |
Oh Bart, you fall for that every six months. | Hey suckers, check it out. Marge is taking me to ride dirt bikes at the cemetery. |
You're going to the dentist too, Dad. | "Why the cemetery?" I wondered. But my dreams were too strong. |
Mr. Simpson, have you been flossing regularly? | Absolutely, all the time. I go to the floss store and they're like, "Whoa, there he is again." 'Cause I buy so much floss. |
Well let's just get started. | Oh God, my gums! They hurt so much! |
I haven't started yet. | I know, but a breeze from that window went in my mouth. |
This film is against tooth decay, but it also kind of glamorizes it. Mixed signals, hmm. | This is the greatest movie ever! |
Dad, that's ludicrous! | I have a right to my views. |
Don't you love that clean-mouth feeling? | Sure do. Let's go get ice cream! |
I can't wait to get the freshness out of my mouth! | I'm gonna glue my mouth shut with butterscotch! |
It's a sundae that's fun. | I like that. But I'm on a bit of a health kick, so I'll take the low-fat vanilla... with the following mix-ins: Snickles, Gooey Bears, Charlottesville Chew, Nice 'N' Many, Kat Kit, Herschel's Smooches, Mrs. Bad Bar, and Milk Dudes. |
Cup or cone? | Uh... cone! |
Congratulations! You just purchased the one millionth ice-cream cone sold by this store! | Oh my God, this is amazing! Wait, I'm gonna be driving. I'll go for the cup. |
Dad! | Fine, cone. |
Dad! | What's this?! |
All right, let's just get through this. Uh, Mr. Simpson, tell us how it felt when you bought the fateful treat. | I've never been to war, but I imagine it feels just like your first kill. The happiness swept me away! |
No one saw my show... so no one heard my filthy faux pas! My career is safe! | Well, the important thing is we got through this crisis together. That makes us friends, right? |
Uh... hey look, it's the airport bus. You should get on it. | Okay. |
And now to peruse the local news! | The happiness swept me away! |
Even the map thinks you stink, Kent! | Oh. |
That's because you're sitting on me, you lummox! | Kent Brockman! |
I invited him to stay with us for a few days. His career is ruined, and I was afraid he might commit you-know-what-icide. | I'm sorry Marge, but I won't live under the same roof as a member of the "liberal media". |
You'll have to excuse him -- he's been watching a lot of Fox News. | Did you know that every day Mexican gays sneak into this country and unplug our brain-dead ladies? |
We have to take in Mr. Brockman -- he wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't dumped coffee on his lap. | Oh sure, put down a simple guy like me, who works hard and plays by the rules! |
And you're constantly flouting the law. | I'm willing to change my mind, and that makes me great. You can stay. But you have to give us an eight-by-ten for our Wall of Casual Acquaintances Who Came to Stay For A While. |
And you're constantly flouting the law. | Apu sang a song. What are you gonna do? |
It seems Liberals want to give NASA the right to "abort" space missions whenever they feel like it. | Liberals -- I hate them so much! |
One thing I've always wondered: how can Fox News be so conservative, when the Fox network keeps airing raunchy shows? They don't fit together. | Woo hoo! |
Liberals hate families... | Liberals! |
Liberals hate families... | Woo hoo! Liberals! Woo hoo! Liberals! Woo hoo! Liberals! Woo hoo! Liberals! |
Liberals hate families... | Woo-- |
And swear like a lumberjack who hacked off a leg. Let's do it! | Hoo! |
And swear like a lumberjack who hacked off a leg. Let's do it! | Woo hoo? Liberals? Woo hoo? |
I guess there's just no place for truth and bravery in today's media. | True -- but there's room for the truth in this household. Do you wanna hear something really bad Kent told me about the Fox network? |
Of course. Gosh, Dad, your hands are shaking! | I know, 'cause this one's really, really bad. For years now, Fox has been-- |
...entertaining America with hits like "House," "American Idol" and "American Idol Results Show." | I'm afraid they might. But I will not be silenced. The truth is... |
...entertaining America with hits like "House," "American Idol" and "American Idol Results Show." | Okay. What I was going to say, was... |
I guess this is the end. I just wish I'd spent more time at the office. | Hey, you're not a penny. |
...me! | "Me?" But that's you! |
Got it! | Uh-huh. See you at five then. |
Hey Dad, have fun with your boyfriend. | He is not my boyfriend! |
So Simpson, I hear you like pizza pie. | I do. |
So Simpson, I hear you like pizza pie. | My favorite is Chicago deep dish. |
Chicago, eh? Well what if I took us there now? | Drive to Chicago? I don't have time for that. I have to be back at work on Monday. And my boss is a total jerk. |
And just so you know, she'll do anything for you. Anything except sex. And I do mean anything. | I'm aroused and confused. |
Now, why don't you listen to the musical stylings of Mr. Lionel Richie. | Oh my God... Lionel Richie?! Can you sing "Say You Say me," but make it about beer? |
Sure, I guess. HEY YOU, BEER ME / BEER ME FOR ALWAYS, THAT'S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE / HEY YOU, BEER ME / BEER US TOGETHER, NATURALLY | Now make every word "beer." |
Sure, I guess. HEY YOU, BEER ME / BEER ME FOR ALWAYS, THAT'S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE / HEY YOU, BEER ME / BEER US TOGETHER, NATURALLY | BEER BEER, BEER BEER / BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER... |
Sure, I guess. HEY YOU, BEER ME / BEER ME FOR ALWAYS, THAT'S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE / HEY YOU, BEER ME / BEER US TOGETHER, NATURALLY | Um, wait, I forgot the words. |
We'll be back before you know it. | Svetlana! Svetlana! |
Now I need a location. | I came to relax -- you think of it! |
Finally, an emotion. | Drunk! |
While you were here, we felt like New York! | I'm so happy! |
Homer, you smell like Chicago. Did you fly there on a commercial airline? | No way -- commercial is for losers and terrorists! I flew on a private plane. |
Wow. Is it much different from a normal plane? | Please tell me you're joking -- it's the difference between champagne and carbonated pee. |
Homie, what's wrong? | I had it all for one night. Now for the rest of my life I'll know what I'm missing. And all I have to remember it by is that my ears haven't popped. Well, I'll make sure that I never yawn again. |
Hi, Dad. | "High?" High like a private plane? The kind I'll never be invited to ride on again. |
That's where you're wrong, Homer. | A fresh face! |
This is Colby Krause. I hired him to help you improve your life. He'll get you back on a private plane in no time! | No way. I don't need any shrink, therapist, counselor, motivational speaker or "guru". |
I'm a life coach. | Oh, tell me more! |
The first step in self-improvement is to take a thorough look at your life. | If you're gonna film me, I insist on a body double. |
Is Uncle Fester still alive? | The camera's not on yet, right? |
Okay, now I just want you to do what you normally do. | Okay. Uh... well uh... hm, I just uh. I forget what I do. |
Okay, now I just want you to do what you normally do. | Wait, wait. Uh, this is some of what I do, I think. Sometimes I go places. |
Okay, now I just want you to do what you normally do. | This is our relish tray. I'd like you to film it for insurance purposes. |
Okay, now I just want you to do what you normally do. | What's the point of putting my socks on? I just have to take them off again a week later. |
Homer, before you even head out the door in the morning, you're already a loser. | Fine, I'll show you a winner, just you watch. |
Homer, before you even head out the door in the morning, you're already a loser. | Think positive. Think positive. |
Homer, before you even head out the door in the morning, you're already a loser. | You were saying... |
Homer, your journey downstairs would've been a lot safer if you'd remembered the N.D.C.'s of concentration: Never Don't Concentrate. | Will you shut up? I can't hear the song in my head! |
Homer, you're up! | This I can do! |
Homer, you're up! | Behold my two-seventeen average... and weep! |
Homer, you're up! | As I said, I've lost all hope. |
Homer, here in the bowling alley, you're a totally different man: relaxed, confident... | Is this going somewhere? |
I want you to wear those bowling shoes out the door and everywhere you go. It's crazy, but it just might work. | Dr. Fredrick J. Waxman, you're a genius! |
That's not my name. | I wasn't talking to you. |
Homer, your shoe attitude is bowling people over. These are letters from companies interested in interviewing you! | How many of those have private planes? |
This one. | Handyman's Choice Copper Tubing? |
They need a safety inspector to fly between their North American plants. | I'm gettin' that job. Bart, I'll need some clean urine. Stat. |
You here for the safety inspector job? | Well, I can see the position of handsomest C.E.O. is already taken. |
We're all so proud of you, sweetie. | I'm gonna get there early, so I can get in good with the lunch truck guy. |
They're all the same maze. | Somebody's gotta do 'em. |
So, how was your first day at your new job? | Oh, it was great! Flew to Tulsa on the company jet. Did my job in a way consistent with what I already told you. Because that's what you do. When you have a job. |
I'm so proud of you, Dad! | Stop peppering me with questions! |
Why aren't you at your new job? | Well, explanation-wise, the fact is that... I lied. I didn't get the job. You see when I got there... |
You sure know how to repeat the joke I just told ya. But as a formality I must ask: do you know anything about copper tubing? | Um... um...c'mon, say "you're hired"! |
No. | Say it! |
Leave your resume with Cheryl! | Say it! |
Security! Security! | Stop saying "security"! |
But Dad, you've gotta tell her. She's been buying brand-name groceries. | Brands like "Miser's Choice" and "Day-Old Delights?" |
Hello? | Honey, there's something I have to tell you... |
It's bad news, isn't it? I should never get my hopes up. Nothing ever works out for us. | No, it's, uh... good news! |
Really? | We're manufacturing a new pipe diameter, five-eighths inch. The company wants you and me to take the private plane to New York for the premiere! So meet me at Shelbyville Airport in an hour. |
Really? | If I'm gonna tell that woman the truth, I'm gonna do it in the one place no one can ever be sad. |
Well, anything for a fellow marine. | Yeah, uh... semper fudge! |
Uh, did you just say "semper fudge"? | No, I said the right thing. |
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