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attention to it. I am sure that there is something on her mind which the
time of exact sunset will reveal. These occasions are becoming harrowing
times for us all, for each sunrise and sunset opens up some new
danger--some new pain, which, however, may in God's will be means to a
good end. I write all these things in the diary since my darling must
not hear them now; but if it may be that she can see them again, they
shall be ready.
She is calling to me.
CHAPTER XXV
DR. SEWARD'S DIARY
_11 October, Evening._--Jonathan Harker has asked me to note this, as he
says he is hardly equal to the task, and he wants an exact record kept.
I think that none of us were surprised when we were asked to see Mrs.
Harker a little before the time of sunset. We have of late come to
understand that sunrise and sunset are to her times of peculiar freedom;
when her old self can be manifest without any controlling force subduing
or restraining her, or inciting her to action. This mood or condition
begins some half hour or more before actual sunrise or sunset, and lasts
till either the sun is high, or whilst the clouds are still aglow with
the rays streaming above the horizon. At first there is a sort of
negative condition, as if some tie were loosened, and then the absolute
freedom quickly follows; when, however, the freedom ceases the
change-back or relapse comes quickly, preceded only by a spell of
warning silence.
To-night, when we met, she was somewhat constrained, and bore all the
signs of an internal struggle. I put it down myself to her making a
violent effort at the earliest instant she could do so. A very few
minutes, however, gave her complete control of herself; then, motioning
her husband to sit beside her on the sofa where she was half reclining,
she made the rest of us bring chairs up close. Taking her husband's hand
in hers began:--
"We are all here together in freedom, for perhaps the last time! I know,
dear; I know that you will always be with me to the end." This was to
her husband whose hand had, as we could see, tightened upon hers. "In
the morning we go out upon our task, and God alone knows what may be in
store for any of us. You are going to be so good to me as to take me
with you. I know that all that brave earnest men can do for a poor weak
woman, whose soul perhaps is lost--no, no, not yet, but is at any rate
at stake--you will do. But you must remember that I am not as you are.
There is a poison in my blood, in my soul, which may destroy me; which
must destroy me, unless some relief comes to us. Oh, my friends, you
know as well as I do, that my soul is at stake; and though I know there
is one way out for me, you must not and I must not take it!" She looked
appealingly to us all in turn, beginning and ending with her husband.
"What is that way?" asked Van Helsing in a hoarse voice. "What is that
way, which we must not--may not--take?"
"That I may die now, either by my own hand or that of another, before
the greater evil is entirely wrought. I know, and you know, that were I
once dead you could and would set free my immortal spirit, even as you
did my poor Lucy's. Were death, or the fear of death, the only thing
that stood in the way I would not shrink to die here, now, amidst the
friends who love me. But death is not all. I cannot believe that to die
in such a case, when there is hope before us and a bitter task to be
done, is God's will. Therefore, I, on my part, give up here the
certainty of eternal rest, and go out into the dark where may be the
blackest things that the world or the nether world holds!" We were all
silent, for we knew instinctively that this was only a prelude. The
faces of the others were set and Harker's grew ashen grey; perhaps he
guessed better than any of us what was coming. She continued:--
"This is what I can give into the hotch-pot." I could not but note the
quaint legal phrase which she used in such a place, and with all
seriousness. "What will each of you give? Your lives I know," she went
on quickly, "that is easy for brave men. Your lives are God's, and you
can give them back to Him; but what will you give to me?" She looked
again questioningly, but this time avoided her husband's face. Quincey
seemed to understand; he nodded, and her face lit up. "Then I shall tell
you plainly what I want, for there must be no doubtful matter in this
connection between us now. You must promise me, one and all--even you,
my beloved husband--that, should the time come, you will kill me."
"What is that time?" The voice was Quincey's, but it was low and
strained.
"When you shall be convinced that I am so changed that it is better that
I die that I may live. When I am thus dead in the flesh, then you will,
without a moment's delay, drive a stake through me and cut off my head;
or do whatever else may be wanting to give me rest!"
Quincey was the first to rise after the pause. He knelt down before her
and taking her hand in his said solemnly:--
"I'm only a rough fellow, who hasn't, perhaps, lived as a man should to
win such a distinction, but I swear to you by all that I hold sacred and
dear that, should the time ever come, I shall not flinch from the duty
that you have set us. And I promise you, too, that I shall make all
certain, for if I am only doubtful I shall take it that the time has