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ACT III. SCENE 1 |
Before the house of ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, DROMIO OF EPHESUS, ANGELO, and BALTHAZAR |
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all; |
My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours. |
Say that I linger'd with you at your shop |
To see the making of her carcanet, |
And that to-morrow you will bring it home. |
But here's a villain that would face me down |
He met me on the mart, and that I beat him, |
And charg'd him with a thousand marks in gold, |
And that I did deny my wife and house. |
Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this? |
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know. |
That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to show; |
If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink, |
Your own handwriting would tell you what I think. |
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. I think thou art an ass. |
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Marry, so it doth appear |
By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear. |
I should kick, being kick'd; and being at that pass, |
You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass. |
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Y'are sad, Signior Balthazar; pray God our cheer |
May answer my good will and your good welcome here. |
BALTHAZAR. I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear. |
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. O, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish, |
A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish. |
BALTHAZAR. Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords. |
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. And welcome more common; for that's nothing |
but words. |
BALTHAZAR. Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast. |
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest. |
But though my cates be mean, take them in good part; |
Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart. |
But, soft, my door is lock'd; go bid them let us in. |
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Ginn! |
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within] Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch! |
Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch. |
Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for such store, |
When one is one too many? Go get thee from the door. |
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. What patch is made our porter? |
My master stays in the street. |
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within] Let him walk from whence he came, |
lest he catch cold on's feet. |
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Who talks within there? Ho, open the door! |
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within] Right, sir; I'll tell you when, |
an you'll tell me wherefore. |
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Wherefore? For my dinner; |
I have not din'd to-day. |
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within] Nor to-day here you must not; |
come again when you may. |
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. What art thou that keep'st me out |
from the house I owe? |
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within] The porter for this time, |
sir, and my name is Dromio. |
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. O Villain, thou hast stol'n both mine |
office and my name! |
The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame. |
If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place, |
Thou wouldst have chang'd thy face for a name, or thy name for an ass. |
Enter LUCE, within |
LUCE. [Within] What a coil is there, Dromio? Who are those at the gate? |
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Let my master in, Luce. |
LUCE. [Within] Faith, no, he comes too late; |
And so tell your master. |
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. O Lord, I must laugh! |
Have at you with a proverb: Shall I set in my staff? |
LUCE. [Within] Have at you with another: that's-when? can you tell? |
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within] If thy name be called Luce |
-Luce, thou hast answer'd him well. |
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Do you hear, you minion? You'll let us in, I hope? |
LUCE. [Within] I thought to have ask'd you. |
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within] And you said no. |
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. SO, Come, help: well struck! there was blow for blow. |
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Thou baggage, let me in. |
LUCE. [Within] Can you tell for whose sake? |
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Master, knock the door hard. |
LUCE. [Within] Let him knock till it ache. |
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. You'll cry for this, minion, if beat the door down. |
LUCE. [Within] What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town? |
Enter ADRIANA, within |
ADRIANA. [Within] Who is that at the door, that keeps all this noise? |
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within] By my troth, your town is |
troubled with unruly boys. |
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Are you there, wife? You might |
have come before. |
ADRIANA. [Within] Your wife, sir knave! Go get you from the door. |
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. If YOU went in pain, master, this 'knave' would go sore. |
ANGELO. Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome; we would fain have either. |
BALTHAZAR. In debating which was best, we shall part with neither. |
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. They stand at the door, master; bid them welcome hither. |
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in. |
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. You would say so, master, if your garments were thin. |
Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in the cold; |
It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought and sold. |
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Go fetch me something; I'll break ope the gate. |
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within] Break any breaking here, |
and I'll break your knave's pate. |
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