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i said get the hell out of here all right all right thank you very much tonight is a very special night for all of us here because were celebrating finishing our 25th episode so thanks to everybody at home and here who helped to make the show a success now lets get out of here see you next week d you can do what you wa... |
its all about the humble beginnings of my favorite horror hero so call the babysitter and break out the barf bags as i narrate a nauseating novella with a very special place in my heart i affectionately call this one lower berth guess your weight guess your weight ladies and gentlemen boys and girls step right up and b... |
a family so small they live in a shoe box witness the stupefying skull face a living human skeleton and finally our star attraction the amazing enoch a display so bizarre you have to see it with your very selfsame eyes to believe it so ladies and gentlemen boys and girls step right up right this way for one thin dime a... |
what do you think youre doing youre a naughty boy you hear me come on get up come on come on introducing fanny the fat lady come on now get in there go on stay there you hear ladies and gentlemen meet the littles howd you get out of there tell me and finally ladies and gentlemen the star attraction at feeleys fantastic... |
i cant see how many times sickles how many times do i have to tell you to get him in his cage before show time yes sir mr feeley i dont know how he gets out it wont happen again of that you may be sure mr sickles because the next time it does happen then i shall be happy to discuss with you the retirement of your most ... |
a month a week but as long as you own him then i own you and we do things my way understand mr sickles understand mr sickles youve been a very naughty boy enoch you hear me naughty boy enochs special i see you prefer a lower berth who are you howd you get in here the door mr sickles call me unconventional how about i c... |
well lets not be coy mr sickles i overheard your shall we say altercation with the owner it seems your days here may be numbered do correct me if im wrong well what of it well it just so happens i have recently made an acquisition an acquisition from which we both might benefit if you take my meaning if you take my mea... |
not strictly in his possession it became eminently clear that something of equal worth would have to be bartered as collateral would have to be bartered as collateral her name is mirana mr sickles though i prefer myrna dont you an egyptian slave girl it was explained to me buried alive at 16 for repelling the pharaohs ... |
in all candor i need to keep a low profile for a while the less official my connection with the sideshow the better what about the jewels oh completely worthless mr sickles a mere prop a mere prop consider yourself my agent if you like i think a 40 commission is more than equitable i mean after all considering your pre... |
to accommodate you all step right in sir thats the idea feeleys fantastic fairway of freaks show time now beginning heres myrna come on im going as fast as i can stand clear of the fire eater ha ha ha ha come here come here elizabeth get over here now just what do you think youre doing young lady now you stay away from... |
you sick pathetic its a family you want is it hmm is that it a normal life ha ha ha a normal life ha ha ha a family ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hapriceless egyptian mummy stolenpriceless egyptian mummy stolen look at that look at that aint that a show hey i wanna talk to you one should never argue with lady luck now should... |
of course youre upset you have every right to be upset you didnt win that mummy in any card game you stole it off a boat in new orleans you stole it off a boat in new orleans why didnt you just take the damn thing now look you dont understand theres a curse you must be kidding no its true whoever attempts to take that ... |
if you take mymeaning mr sickles good god sickles center up boys come on 20 minutes to showtime lets go enoch my boy seems like youve gotten out of your cage again doesnt it and youve been a very naughty boy havent you poor dr kling ah myrna my sweet you two make a very lovely couple did i tell you that ah now give me ... |
feeleys fantastic fairway of freaks is proud to present a most unusual and alarming oddity the amazing enoch the 2faced man its empty he escaped hes gone he cheated us theres nothin there its a fraud eh rather let me direct your attention to our star attraction from far off egypt she comes uh from the valley of the kin... |
ladies and gentlemen boys and girls i command you to look upon myrna the egyptian mummy call a policeman its all right oh god dead or alive come on thats it im looking for mr feeley the owner oh mr feeley yeah ernest feeley yeah hes uh hes right over there next to the wagons right over there thank you are you ernest fe... |
do you mind if i sit mr feeley you may not remember me but we met when you came through here with your sideshow last year you had some unpleasantness at the time i never did recover my exhibits well sir thats kind of why im here theres something i think you ought to see now the local boy was up and exploring and he cam... |
become a star we never even got a chance to play hide and go shriek together joe campbell voiceover well were leaving that all behind both of us just for a few days im just passing through he works back there in one of those pinstriped buildings he sells stock now his name is fletcher fletcher cain if he couldnt add it... |
but to fletcher like always a tree was something that grew in the front yard for a dog to piss on he had a lot to learn fletcher where did you get all this stuff whats a credit card and a telephone for and a company runner you know what i like i like it because it means youre getting into it and thats good oh hey oh fl... |
check it out look at that balance want to sell this it was my mothers whats it worth except see his father seemed to own most of it they lived in a big house four car garage swimming pool they even had a high diving board after school wed all be there all the neighborhood kids making like he was their best friend becau... |
pushed him off like a brother come on come on boy what are you doing this used to be campbell land new boots you got a lot to learn suppose i die of pneumonia yeah well serves you right its cold lesson number one you break in the boots before you go hunting great wet boots all day and by tonight theyll be dry and fit y... |
fletch see no you point dont aim point point and squeeze dont aim dont aim dont aim all right sort of like that lets just put them over on the stump over there all right ill get the feel of it oh right and the quail of course are just going to sit on the stump while you get the feel of it throw the can ok butch whisper... |
yeah the valleys full of these old dumps wonder why nobodys claimed it county forced them out who knows or no water cant brew moonshine without water dont do that dont ever reach for a gun like that the trigger fletcher its not loaded man you dont know that same thing my uncle died that way crossing a fence my father t... |
roast these birds under a camp fire ill tell you what fletch you could play campfire girls if you want but i booked us into a motel wait a minute wait a minute that is a denial of the whole hunting experience what about communing with nature id rather commune with a hot shower color tv and clean sheets wait a minute wa... |
i dont know but the needle says forget it fletcher forget it we followed this path here well just take it back the needles just freaking out here where did fred go over there come here wheres he going hes never done that before here fred here boy come on boy joe joseph i just saw a deer youre dreaming no i swear to god... |
hey i trade paper for christ sake i dont kill little furry forest animals not intentionally what the fucks happened to you whats happened to me whats happened to you nothings happened to me exactly fletcher nothing has happened to you fletcher im sorry im really sorry jesus joe now come on lets go and see what you can ... |
up again right near here ok lets split up you head down that way ill go this way wait a minute are you crazy ill never find you you find the path you fire a shot in the air and we find each other on the sound you got it thats a great plan well hey well im sorry you want to stay out there and commune with nature you be ... |
i dont know what you do and i dont care see that thats a path now get out of here lets get out of here fletcher fletcher come on hey fletcher hey leave her alone please excuse me christ fletcher excuse me shes obviously not interested in you you cant just force yourself on her you want her no no i just no you want her ... |
fletcher just jump the fuck off i need to get to a phone call the police hold him there pop that the one pop it must be it was an accident we just wanted directions what do you mean we whos joe my friend joe campbell they chased after him please can you help me whod you kill i didnt kill anybody eye for an eye pa they ... |
now help me get him in i never turned away someone in need what are you doing keep still lord thats need a poultice you made them thank you i didnt do it for you can you get a message keep still papa wants to talk to you you brung trouble on this house les no more than we already have dont sass me what were you doing o... |
ill mend him quick killings going to start not before the stew gets cold it aint you wash your hands over there whos that for i dinna say get up bless this food dear lord may it nourish our bodies as they word nourishes our souls i need to get to a phone my friend is out there just keep still what is that taste come on... |
hes been buried proper what kind of people are you theres been trouble my daddys worried what trouble can i cause just came here to hunt some quail all i want to do is get out of here and back to civilization not trouble from you from whom then my names hallie campbell how do you do them fellas youre running from that ... |
now shut up look miss i think how do mr campbell horace how come when my throat gets dry you know to turn up why its a gift that pop skull stuff you give that to the mcdonalds their brains is already rotted would i offer a valued customer the same swill as them heathens this is bonded miss hallie mr carlin wouldnt some... |
i made you this thank you no need do you ever see things in the woods got eyes i mean things that arent there its only a bad dream when you wake youll be all mended and on your way back home tell me more about where you live wouldnt like it besides you promised to read to me help me with big words therefore shall ye ke... |
so what if no one wants to buy these well they will eventually fletcher these aint no good to me on the eventually i cant eat these in this valley we trade what we can use all right wait a minute say its potatoes so you sell me potatoes and i cant pay the price its called margin so i eat the potatoes and what are you g... |
whatcha doing i am good for something thank you very much thinking about leaving the romans you know they didnt have anything you dont have two thousand years ago they had central heating indoor plumbing highways where did you learn all that public television you like that its yours no its yours take it its yours what ... |
oh now sit hes not our kind your life is here dont you ever forget it you see me and the romans baby no thats good thank you zebediah what it is hold it reach for it neighbor ill carve you a brand new pretty face jesus youre a regular norman bates arent you you want my woman that what youre after city boy thatll do dun... |
and you do too dont we never get but one chance in life meant like this i never knew about these feelings zebediah i never had a man i never had a chance sometimes in this valley youd be better off if you didnt have no softness in you i dont even know how this started zebediah moons almost full its comin these are camp... |
you gotta hold her tight boy hold her over the bucket let the blood drop out oh dont be squeamish boy you gotta kill it if youre gonna eat it i just buy some thighs at the supermarket its the law of nature you kill the next one you need more got a lot of mouths to feed whole familys coming aunts uncles cousins nephews ... |
come on now swing it like a man there you go there you go i did it your first kill which ones next i think that brown one brown one us poultry down two and an eighth i got some chickens for you to pluck i did that so whats all this about first footing everybody brings a lump of coal a crust of bread and a jug of whiske... |
im gettin the chores done daddy i know whats in your head child not to be taken with that man hes just hes different daddy different from who i dont know what youre talking about im your pa hallie that the best you can do kill my chicken come on you want to kill kill me dont stand behind no tree kill me like a man dont... |
jesus christ fighting never stops when the harvest moon is full has to stop sometime it cant always someone left to carry on the hate thats the way it is theres so much i wanted to see big out there like you said isnt it its pretty big people are kinda small sometimes its still there its not going anywhere maybe ill sh... |
got a girl i um no guess youll have to come for a visit see for yourself dont say that hallie theres no harm in hallie hallie girl its my cousin cousin ginny come on ive left my spaceship parked at the side um just a sec i gotta go just go have fun going to dance later zeb sir would you do me the honor of dancing with ... |
and cabbages a garden full of flowers whatever you want sounds so perfect the way you tell it it will be fletcher it just aint going to happen at least hallie come with me i cant why not fletcher why not fletcher no why not im not like you what is that i dont understand what does that mean get away from my sister zeb s... |
dont say goodbye will you just shut up for a second ill take him from here like hell you will no zeb thats done it mr campbell hellfire and brimstone coming down on your house i have to go i really wish i could stay i just have i have to go uh bye ill be seeing you um take care bye it wasnt my fault i know there are ot... |
fucking neanderthals you cross that crick youre out of our valley which way to the road and dont never come back well goodbye no offense none taken hey wait a minute i dont need it tell hallie i know well go on get inside all right all right keep your head down ive had enough of this shit im going outside watch me on t... |
its ok its ok its ok its ok this werent your affair you were never part of this she stays here with me forever oh my god its finished you finished it fletcher cain the last man to hate is gone he can rest now its over morning mr cain pleasant day it seems well uh courtin i see joe campbell voiceover as for me i always ... |
film by georgii daneliya main role played by gerard darmon good daycomrade is this taxi occupied taxi is but my heart is not sweetheart hello fatheryouve recieved the passport allready yesshow it to me give me your driving license this is an exit visa passport theyll give when i arrive to israel come over here here loo... |
nana loves it thank you brother come herewhat bad did i do now just brought my brother some bread catch up with them and escort to moscow or its turning out rude otherwise tell them no dont say anything two cups of tea and two candiesbuy a ticket first wait a sec wait a sec i know you and wheres that you know me from w... |
what are you doing son of a donkey this is breakstone from astrakhan georgian soil is over there too lazy to make three steps starrin besides the french guy im over here on river on river at that shoresongmarusenka that makes cameo appearnce in nearly every film of the director in one form or another whats the name of ... |
like that hotel for foreign guests for exmpale you excuse us vasilii but we cant jacob wanted to practice in jewish language one who guesses what he just said without subtitles gets the point and the horse eh we should have dragged that fool with us here here it is capitalism and you dont need any visa to glimpse upon ... |
but theyve put a doorman into the foutain what doorman will say with doorman we allready figured everything out oh ya fine he can go wherever he wantcomrade major and can you please let the second one go too please vasilliy kuzmich he whathe istooto israel vasilliy kuzmich is the head rabbi of moscow oblast where are w... |
and this here is what just writeno and here what should i write antique itemspounder is an antique item the grandmothers one took it with me for memory okay what have suddenly happened dont be anxious youll be visiting me ill be visiting you didnt even let us drink champagne come here they have them in russian language... |
friend open it i was just joking ive got two generals there seeing me off ill drink with them and return ha appeal to the supervisor where is he there checkin for the plane to vienna is announced young girl where is your supervisor sitting who do you need specifically the most main one ah its fedorov third floor second... |
im not the one who suppose to be on the flight my brother is i took his passport andused to get to the snackbar as a joke and solder doesnt let me out ivan petrovich im asking you very much could you tell him toha you my friend got the wrong guy then im in different sphere you need luntz go to luntz there he is passeng... |
i dont know how far soviet embassy is from airport but theyve got a very beautiful gothic cathedral in vienna do you have any dollars on you littlebitofalittlebit ive got a bit be a friend sell some dollars to me what are you talking about what are you talking about who here needs your dry rubles oh definately definate... |
will you you better look here gaze here my friend joint enterprisesoviet balalayika and dollars of mine so then wanna take off to hawaii hawerent you going to israel me to hebrews god be with you what have i forgot with them i am hereditary noble nephew of count yasupov should i show you the papers okay then first we g... |
today is sunday no one at place come on monday comrade diplomat but i have a very important case i have to be send to moscow today urgently you have documents with you yeh yes here but this is you see come at monday youll fill an application youll get an answer in three months nowdays its simple comrade diplomat im not... |
here we left as you see and came back wheres sergeant bastard he is not a sergeant i hate those like him most of all here they pretend to be patriots but the moment an opportunity presents itself they run to the other side we had an agreement that your organization will be meeting your immigrants and immediately sendi... |
i just called my mother shes all alone old im her only son and who will be paying for all of this oh common arent we all brotherjews here we wont be having a fight because of some change wont weboth of you wait for me here ill try to find shulman hellowhere are we where where sahnut an organization for sending jews to ... |
what idea your brother who was supose to be meeting him there in israel yes im listeningvasya yasha somewhere over there sergeant where are you ill explain later give him to me quick dont scream yasha wait a second and listen we dont have much time go back to georgia and sit there quietly ill come back soon give me an ... |
nahah only to party members everyone who arrived with that kind of visa over there go up the stairs to the second floor thank you congratulate me im now citizen of israel go on dont go yellow just go in excuse me can i shalomshalom good day my sister aha shalom hello there how im happy that you came you and me gonna sw... |
nobut ill find in the bookno need to search they are here waiting for you come ill show youyeah mister bernstein here he is izya he doesnt recognize youi do hello uncle izya im yasha inga got sick with flu aand nana too my brother mirabtakes care of them my younger brother yashin brother so youre not jewish nnnoothats ... |
if you need something else just say dont be shy no that would be impertinence on my partwhat are you talking about we are relatives after allcan we get vhs player here and yashall come bring the money for it with him do you like it izya came up with it mother make the fish warmbut what if he likes it cold no he likes i... |
why rabbis visiting you are you jewish what are you talking about not with a slightest bit of my face or even ear israel calling you sergeant is that you me me call inga to telephone fast they went away to georgia all like you said they sitting in fathers basement get in contact withours immediately inga must phone unc... |
get the hell outta here or ill gnaw your nose off okay then borya here is not odessa for you here we will you we need to talk that idiot ingas uncle think thatshitty asshole wait listen he thinks that im a kgb agent you think what hes the only one who thinks so look over there that american i recognize they are watchin... |
and take caviar too but someone allready was eating itwhere they were eating it listen they just touched it ill straigten it herealright forgotten for your health buy my watch no i wont buy your watch but here what do you mean you dont want it ive allready opened the goodsgive me back my watch give me back my watch hel... |
excuse me whats your name after stalin joke didnt recognize me or something seipiashvilli i am moshemoshe you probably thinking that im a cabbie merab im not im his brother yasha yes i guess i confused you its been hundred of years or so moshe do you have somebody left back there yes ive got sister theremoshe i arrived... |
lend me your tuxedo its in cleaning then give me back my bed nearly forgot allow me to introduce this is friend of limping alberthello repsected one please come inthank youi am the one who brought him there is tengiz standing next to rabbi just dont forget to tell him so he took me as his secretary what money can do ev... |
arrived today he is my friend we grown up togetherhellolet me kiss you a moment of your atention my friends let us dear guests drink a glass for a young man that delivered to me such astop stop jews dont drink you have no idea for what kind of animal you are about to drink thisgentlemen is a soviet spy yesterday he arr... |
i propose to swopwhats he got arrested for political reasons no just childish stuff tried to smuggle some icons this swop doesnt make sense a notorious spy for nothing for some smalltime smuggler you have to add somethingtell me what is your price and his price was vhs video player for those who didnt get it would you ... |
they wont let me into americawhy if you could join me there will be alot of fuss we demonstrate and the tv will come to see us what happened who was screaming so much in your office someprovoker came took a big one to get rid of him comrade consul i just cant go out from here they allready know that i am an agent they ... |
why are you compromising us already the whole israel knows you are kgb persian carpets twenty milions in swiz bank account you know her adress sure i do i do come on hey swindlerscammers i am kgb agent but why our commitee have to be paying for you in a restaurant are you what working for us give him twenty shakels and... |
son where are you im in israel dad in israel dad let the tourist go ha tourist how related to all of this no until they return you i will not let him go you hear this come back fastsmartie one send one thousand dollars ill come back fast you go pay a visit to uncle izya hell do everything he allready did everything the... |
take this and dont look for trouble officer i wasnt lookin for trouble all i wanted is that i was swapped on someone ill give you such a swop youll remember for the rest of your life now get lost you shouldnt touch unkown objects here ah its youit can be a bomb kaboom very good enough with following me enough with fol... |
magazineamerica the one that is published in our country and this all for what this is for thevoice of america for radio yes and your friends there not only gonna see you but also will hear youfantasticalhere before our chief engineer would take fifty rubles for a tire and nowtakeshundred hey hey whats with you are you... |
and how can i leave this place if they decided im a spy no way and what is left for me to do just to walk and hang myself i think i might be able to help you this question has to be brained hard how he sitting here in suchcold hes from syberia anyways thats how it is ill escort him through the borderis that dangerous w... |
ill play on accordion nowexcuse me senya its time i need to leave thank youeverything gonna be alright thank you jane singing folk songby the wild steppes of the transbaikaly not my translation luckily for youon the wild steppes of transbaikalia where people dig for gold in the mountains a vagrant bemoaning his fate ja... |
theres a spot behind the ear calledsnake biteyoull cuddle it and uncle is in knockout come on give mewhat flaskmaybe enough dont be scared senya knows his limit wanna take a piss cant get used to this heat fridge now thats for me what that one doing here same as weyou think nah i dont like this goose now lets toast for... |
i took my turn behind the wheel why do you let to drive man without driving license i was sleeping he probably stoled my truck coz they didnt feed me at hospital do they feed us here with our jewish kashir food saying that to an arab allah forgive me now its jewish prison cell glory to communist party of soviet union f... |
why so noisy youve got there comrade stalin falling off and for some reason i didnt like this goose come on come out youll drive with melisten drive where youve been driving i dont want anything more suit yourself oh crap seems like he died yeah for sure he died hes not breathing hes breathing ehg take it got offened i... |
and you saidyourself besides me nobody would be able to handle this okay remember cigarette and handkerchief nose napkin are mines good luck wait for a moment quiet i can see it but if somehowby occasion someone will end up in omsk ask them to pay a visit to cemetry and put this on a grave of my wife marina klain come ... |
border guard dont shoot at me dont shoot dont shoot at me brothers telephone ringing romburgs toys how may i help you otto its macgyver where are you im in east berlin at stasi headquarters or whats left of them anyway listen otto ive got some good news you have found my granddaughter well not yet but ive found marias ... |
speaking german dogs barking maria shouting in german music playing people chattering rolf mossel we spoke on the telephone yes yes thank you for meeting me oh a pleasure speaking german i have heard only good things about your foundation s work here thank you very much i understand youre with the citizen freedom commi... |
would you reading in german they educated her for the last two years she has been a teacher in leipzig catch the morning train you can be there by noon thank you children chattering speaking german all giggling speaking german um sorry i dont mean to interrupt what is it you wish well my name is macgyver your grandfath... |
well you can give my grandfather a message for me mr macgyver you can tell him that to me he is dead excuse me wait i know its been a long time cant you at least think about it ive been thinking about it since i was eight years old i can still see my fathers body on the barbed wire he died while my grandfather ran to s... |
i have to go the children speaking german looking for someone speaking german you took my picture mein fotowhy in english so your photo both grunting car tires screeching you know high tech equipment like this makes you think the wall is still up s there must be thousands of outofwork stasi agent wandering around the c... |
i read my grandfathers letter he sounded so lonely so heartsick you were right macgyver the wall is down i have the freedom to decide for myself and when i see my grandfather i will know for sure yes this is what makes my job so worthwhile so now what no thats all been taken care of lets just go see your grandpa huh th... |
you mean you cannot tell i have never before set even one foot out of east germany not by the way you speak english its almost perfect oh thank you the state needed teachers of english so i was trained for this oh look female announcer on pa the white zone is for the loading and unloading of passengers only no parking ... |
put your toy away kurt i still cannot believe i am here what are they doing the girl just arrived bell chiming oh look its such a wonderful store opa otto laughing my apartments upstairs its small but theres room for two maria look theres an old friend who wanted to say hello she is lovely you dont remember her she was... |
there has not been one word about the gold how do you know he still has it he has it he wouldnt dare doublecross us while his granddaughte r was in our hands and now she is here hmm so why do we wait because it is our plan from the start because it is safer for us to let the girl find out where he hides it do you have ... |
come on men its worth the wait i dont know somethings not right pete i know it macgyver just because she sat down and immediately fastened her seatbelt now what does that prove no no its more than that she knew how to make the seat recline how to plug in her head phones she even asked the flight attendant for a magazin... |
yeah could be got any fingerprints there yeah couple of good ones get them off to washington right away oh also pete could we run this through the child finder program i want to see what a young maria would look like at 23 no probl ill have it tomorrow you got everything you came for thank you for indulging me chucklin... |
richer than ever now that you are here laughing opa be serious you mean you are rich from selling toys well i make enoug h to be comfortable you keep the money in a bank yes so many questions about money go get changed macgyver will be here soon all right but tonight when i get back we will talk about everything yes ma... |
door bell ringing that must be macgyver ill be right out opa otto its me buzzer buzzing come in maria will be ready in a minute hello otto macgyver hello so have you gotten used to seeing maria all grown up yet she is some young lady is she not its hard to believe she was my little liebchen yeah well shes definitely a ... |
here they come it must be for her immigration appointment so we continue to wait and wait and wait you got it what do you say we take a break get something to eat huber you can buy you know a place that takes travelers checks only if you have some id you coming weise my ulcer too much american junk food you two go ahea... |
you have killed my son my granddaughter she is safe now the iron curtain is gone you have nothing to threaten me with now except your life old man if you do not give me the gold where is the gold gun firing maria run call the police speaking german macgyver you all right oh yeah he ran into me and fell police radio cha... |
excellent question lets ask otto that man he was a burglar yes he was a stasi agent otto stasi in the united states otto hes the same man who followed macgyver in leipzig and he was knockin yo u around for a reason now whats going on i thought when the wall came down and i had my maria back it would all be over but it ... |
even worse than the first you are making no sense not a day has gone by that i have not relived that night at the border i hear you cryingopa opa i was down in the ravine helpless looking up as the border guards killed my only son and took you away i knew then that i was more a prisoner of the past than i was a free ma... |
the medical report on weise yeah and hes still in a coma makes interesting reading though seems he has more than a fractured skull he took a shot to the throat hard enough to rupture his larynx well that doesnt make any sense i shoved the table into his chest and he took off i never laid a hand on him leaves only one p... |
door opening when he ran past me i acted on instinct fearing for my own life i should have killed him men like weise should not be allowed to walk on the face of this earth you know this guys name he was stasi what about you maria enough hate to kill you dont learn that kind of stuff in an orphanage no you are right th... |
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