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Title: 43 FIRST PLACE GRACE 44 FRISKY 'N RISKY
Tags: True Story, Boy, Consensual Sex, Male / Female Teens, Mature, Pregnant, Young
Introduction:
Naturist kid falls in love with cute girl. Hero baseball coach: be my dad; he
Content:
[b]43
FIRST PLACE GRACE
“Karim, can I have your permission to have three players coach tonight that are not captains?”
“Sure, Sean. Let me guess who—Fred, Michael, and Jeff.”
“Great minds think alike!”
All three feel honored to be recognized for their leadership. Each does well in their assigned two innings. Tremendous sportsmanship between the two teams continues throughout the evening. Again the Cubs win easily as they clinch first place, with one game left in the season.
44
FRISKY ‘N RISKY
“Good morning, Jeff. Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah, Ma, slept great. I can’t wait to get to the beach with Maria!”
“I figured that’s why you’re so frisky.”
After breakfast, Rachel says, “Jeff, I pulled some stats about STDs off the computer. The U. S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention recently released these statistics of infectious diseases reported in 2002:”
chlamydia—834,555 cases;
gonorrhea—351,852 cases;
salmonellosis—44,264 cases;
AIDS—42,745 cases; and
congenital syphilis—32,459 cases.
“Ma, it doesn’t say that they’re STDs.”
“No, Jeff. These are the top five of any kind of infectious diseases. It turns out that they all are STDs, except for salmonellosis.”
“Wow! Is the exception that food poisoning infection?”
“As a matter of fact, yes! I did some math on the STDs. In 2002, one out of 200 Americans got a sexually transmitted disease.”
“That’s not too terrible.”
“I disagree. At that rate, one of every three Americans will get an STD in their liftime.”
“Oucheewowa! No wonder Sonya makes such a big deal about sex before marriage. Did you ever get one Mom?”
“No, Jeff. And I’m 100% certain that I don’t have one.”
“How’s that?”
“You probably heard of safe sex.”
“Yeah, you use protection.”
“Right. That reduces your risk a lot, but you’re still at risk.”
“So how do you know for sure that you don’t have an STD? Did a doctor tell you?”
“No. No test can give you a definite answer.”
“Mom, I’m missing something here.”
“I haven’t had sex since I got pregnant eleven years ago.”
“You’re kidding! You only had sex once!?”
“No, Jeff, several times.”
“You mean that bastard shagged you more than once! I’ll kill him!”
“Jeff, I know how much you hate your father. But I need to tell you something you don’t want to hear.”
Beginning to cry, “I can’t stand this, Mom!”
“Your father was only two years older than you are now.”
Angrily, “So!”
“Do you know the way Maria feels about you?”
“Duh!”
“That’s how I felt about your father back then.”
Crying harder, “No way, Mom! No way!”
“Jeff, we had wonderful sex.”
“Holding on to Rachel for dear life, “No. No. No. No. Noooo.”
“He was sweet as pie, Jeff. I felt like a princess. I treasure the wild sex we shared.”
“Mom, are you saying I could turn into my father!”
“No, I wasn’t. But your father was like you. I loved him so much.”
“Why does life have to be so crazy!?”
“I don’t know, Jeff. I have asked myself that question many times.”
“Mom, I’m glad you have happy sexual memories.”
Hugging Jeff, “Me too!”
“I guess you’ve gotten real good at masturbating.”
Laughing, “You might say that.”
“Mom, I’m gonna have to give you a good time.”
“Jeff! What are you trying to say! No. Don’t tell me.”
Laughing, “I think that came out wrong! I just want you to have the best.”
“Thanks, my wonderful child.”
“Man. D-D-D-DuRaN dah man.”
“No matter how much of a man you are, you always will be my child. So what about STDs?”
“Mom, I want to be 100% certain…”
“Good!”
“…in between my sexual escapades!” |
Title: 45 REALLY FEELY 46 DIVE 'N DRIVE
Tags: True Story, Boy, Male / Female Teens, Romance, Young
Introduction:
Naturist kid falls in love with cute girl. Hero baseball coach: be my dad; he
Content:
[b]45
REALLY FEELY
When they arrive at Black’s Beach, Jeff helps Roberto set up his new privacy fence. Jeff asks Maria to put sun tan lotion on him.
Sweetly, “Only if you do me.”
“Of course, marvelous Maria!”
Jeff lies on his stomach inside the fence. Maria starts with his neck and works down. Maria says, “Your butt looks even more shapely in this position. Is your crack clean?”
Delighted by the question, “Yeah. I haven’t had to wipe it since my shower this morning.”
“Then I can enjoy massaging there too.” Jeff gets goose bumps all over as she does that. “Now for these terrific thighs.”
“Maria, where were you my whole life?”
Smiling, “Cuba.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I know, Jeff. I wish I could have been born next door to you.”
“That would have been heaven. OK, now you get on your stomach. My turn to give you heaven.”
When Jeff massages her butt, tears roll down Maria’s cheeks, she feels so loved. “My crack is clean.”
“It’s more than clean, it’s cute, real cute. But I think it’s forbidden for me to run my fingers through.”
“Please don’t think that. I feel your love flowing through your fingers.”
“OK, here we go, oh! This is so intense, even though I’m not allowing sexual thoughts.”
“Me too. Looks like mama’s rules helped us find a new way to love.”
Sonya smiles, thinking, “I need to learn this too. They seem to have found a buried treasure. I’m so proud of them.” She restrains herself from telling them now, not wanting to interrupt them.
“Now for your lovely legs. Oh, they’re so soft too.” When Jeff finishes, he lies down on his back. Maria gets into a kneeling position to kiss Jeff. Both immediately get their tongues involved. Then Jeff quickly stops. “This kissing turns me on, so we need to stop.”
Sadly, “I understand.” Maria starts rubbing lotion onto his rosy cheeks. When she gets to his stomach she says, “You look so vulnerable lying here. You trust me so much!”
“Because you’re trustworthy. I just wish I could show you some hair down there.”
“I don’t need to see any hair. I never touched a … Big Jeff is my first. Having time to think makes this difficult…. I’m scared to touch your handsome sack. I don’t want to hurt you.
“As gentle as you touch me, you need not worry. I can’t wait!”
As she moves down, “Oh Jeff, I feel so special.”
“I can’t say how wonderful your tender touch feels.”
When Maria finishes down to his toes, Jeff jumps up, eagerly ready to finish Maria. She says, “I’ll do my front myself.” Jeff’s head drops. “Only kidding, Jeff. I’m eager too.”
“Maria, you really had me there!” When Jeff gets down to her breasts he says, “I don’t feel worthy of this opportunity.”
“I don’t know anyone else I would want to have this honor. Please continue Jeff, with all your love.”
Applying lotion lovingly over her tender breasts, “This is better than I imagined! I’ll have to go over them again. I can’t let you get sunburn on your sweet breasts. I want to name them Flopsy and Mopsy. How’s that sound?”
“I like that. I can’t wait ‘til you get to Cottontail!”
Jeff laughs with joy, “Yeah, Cottontail!”
When Jeff pets Cottontail, Maria says, “Your fingers feel fabulous!”
“I have to admit, my brain just went dead. My nervousness stopped me from appreciating the moment. Sorry.”
“Next time will be better, my angel.”
“Doing your lovely legs fills my heart with song.” When Jeff finishes, he lies on his side beside Maria, massaging her stomach once again.
“Jeff, Jesus loves you, and so do I.”
“I don’t get that, Maria.”
Nice people at church say that. I hope you go to church with us again tomorrow.
“My ‘parents’ had bad experiences in church. I think they liked your church but I don’t know if they want to make a habit of it. That preacher needs to get over himself. I like the people and the worship though. I like being with you and God at the same time. Maybe you can pick me up, if they don’t go.”
“Sounds like a plan, Jeff. Now let me massage your stomach.”
“Hey, nobody got on our case. That’s way cool.”
“We kept the rules and stuff.”
“Maria, we must be doing it right.”
Sonya speaks up now, “As a matter of fact, I’m totally impressed with the two of you.”
“Thank you Sonya, so much.” Jeff jumps up, giving her a hug.
“Hey, Do you ever listen to the waves breaking on the shore?”
“I guess so.”
“That can be very romantic.”
“How about it, Maria?”
46
DIVE ‘N DRIVE
If the Cardinals beat the Cubs in their final game of the season, they finish in second place. Even though the Cubs have first place locked up; a loss now would leave a blemish on a dream-come-true year. Sean tells Karim, “You may coach tonight—the entire game.”
“Thanks, Sean, I feel honored.”
After chatting with each player, Sean sits in the bleachers with Rachel, who finally is able to see another game. “Sean, I heard about you doing this. Now I get to see it.”
“I think Karim will do a better job than I could tonight. All I want right now is to be with you.”
Karim asks Jose, “Can you be ready to pitch after Michael?”
“Really! Sure! Thanks, Karim.”
The Cardinals have runners at second and third with two outs. A hard ground ball heads for the hole. Jeff dives, snags the ball, gets to his knees, and tosses the ball to first. It’s close, as the umpire signals “out” to end the threat.
Now Jeff steps to the plate against the lefty that falls toward the third base line on each pitch. As expected the third baseman plays for a bunt, but not the first baseman. The second baseman does instead! Jeff thinks, “That wipes out my plan. I better swing away, maybe bloop it over the second baseman.” He ends up hitting a line drive just out of reach of the second baseman, into the gap. Jeff makes second base, standing up. He looks proudly at his mother, tipping his cap. On a grounder to third he races to third on the throw to first. On a ground ball to short he darts home unchallenged, for the first run of the game.
Each starting pitcher completes three innings with no more scoring. Sean tells Rachel, “That’s trouble. Juan, their ace, now can pitch the last three innings. Oh, look at that! Karim just put Jose in to pitch instead of himself. Isn’t he amazing!” In three innings Jose gives up only one run. Jeff leads off the bottom of the final inning, score tied, with the infield expecting a bunt. As the fastball comes in, he hits a soft line drive that Juan grabs for the out. Unexpectedly Jose drops down a bunt that is thrown away. Jose stops at second. Michael hits a slow roller to third. Jose immediately knows he can advance. He decides he’s not stopping at third. He’ll get into a run down if needed. Racing home, he glances at the first baseman—after the out he tosses the ball back to the pitcher! So Jose keeps running. Jose dives in before the catcher can apply a tag. Game over!
As Sean hugs Jose, “Diving is dangerous. I don’t seem to be able to break you from that habit. But you got the job done cunningly! Congratulations, buddy!” Jose stretches to kiss Sean. Lightheartedly, “If you don’t kill yourself, you’re gonna kill me!” |
Title: 47 SLIDE RIDE
Tags: True Story, Male/Female, Non-Erotic, Romance, Teen Male / Female, Young
Introduction:
Naturist kid falls in love with cute girl. Hero baseball coach: be my dad; he's really dating mom!
Content:
[b]47
SLIDE RIDE
“Mom, look how sunny and beautiful the weather is for the beach. Are you ready to leave?”
“Ah, Jeff. Sean won’t be here for another half-hour, Mr. Chipper. I found some more info.”
“Oh, info chinfo. Now what?”
“I couldn’t understand why herpes wasn’t in the STD stats I gave you last week. So I checked closer. Those stats were only from federally funded control programs. CDC documents show 20 million current cases of HPV—human papillemavirus and 45 million curent cases of herpes.”
“Mom, that’s a lot of dick juice!”
“Yeah! Especially with young adults. From ages 15-24, more than 9 million get an STd every year. That works out to one STD per person over that ten year span.”
Stunned, “Having fun sure isn’t fun.”
Laughing, “Jeff, I’ll have to quote you on that one!”
At Black’s Beach, Jeff finishes setting up Roberto’s privacy fence. Maria nudges him, “Get on your stomach mister.” Jeff obeys. Maria sits on his back to put sun tan lotion on his shoulders. Jeff says, “Wow, your butt feel precious.” He loves feeling her gentle fingers slide across his skin. She slides down to work his back, soon sitting on his butt. “Maria, I can’t believe how nurturing this feels!”
“I feel wonderful too, my love.” Both feel a touch of sadness when she slides onto his thighs. The non-sexual passion returns as she thoroughly massages his butt. After finishing his smooth legs, Maria lies on her stomach. Jeff follows her pattern with one notable difference. When he slides off her butt he leans forward so Big Jeff and his jewels feel her awesome softness. “Marvelous move mister.”
“Thanks, sweet seniorita. Soon Jeff gets on his back. Maria sits on his chest, looking deep into his darling brown eyes, applying lotion to his ears, face, and upper arms. She watches his eyes light up, as she slides all the way down to his genitals. As she slides further, a disappointment shows in his eyes. But she watches a greater glow show as she lies down on his chest. She kisses his lips, then his nipples, biting them softly. Jeff floats out of the space-time continuum. She sits up, sliding back onto his precious softness, floating away with him. Without awareness she rubs in lotion over his chest and lower arms.
She looks at his hairless wonder as she slides down to his thighs. She pushes Big Jeff’s three inches of softness into his base, making him disappear. Moving her dainty fingers, Big Jeff bounces back out. She flaps him around with her index finger, now pulls on him, wrapping him around her finger. Letting go, she watches him recoil. She squirts lotion on Jeff’s stomach, spreads it over Big Jeff and his jewels, and slides her hand back over Big Jeff continuing back to his stomach. Now with both hands, she identifies each jewel, eventually rubbing in lotion thoroughly. With lotion on her hand, she wraps her hand around Big Jeff, holds tightly, and moves her hand downward, letting Big Jeff squirm free.
She finishes his silk-like legs and feet, now drops to the blanket, rolling onto her back. When Jeff returns to earth, he sits on Maria’s well-rounded breasts, watching her smile grow. He runs his fingers through her hair several times, feeling electricity through his body. He squeezes her soft cheeks, runs a finger across her lips, looking into her radiant eyes.
After applying lotion he slides down to her stomach, leaning his jewels and hanging penis into it’s softness. Bringing his chest to her breasts, he kisses her lips. Now with lotion-filled hands he presses her breasts together, watching them return to their relaxed position as they slide through his hands. He surrounds her left breast with both hands, lifting up as it slides to freedom. Now the same with her right breast. From below he slides his hands over her breasts.
Wryly, “Oh, I forgot to bite Flopsy and Mopsy.”
Softly, “Good thing. Or mama would bite your head off.”
Smiling, “I know, my love.”
“And we both would get tuned on.”
Jeff begins to realize that while orgasm is far more pleasurable, sensual non-sexual touch feels far more rewarding, loving, and enduring. Maria knew this already.
Looking into Maria’s eyes, Jeff slides down to her vagina, rubbing in lotion romantically. He leans forward, feeling her most intimate parts tightly against his. He feels an urge to get sexual, but lets it past. Sliding down to Maria’s thighs, he does her stomach and shapely hips. Looking at her small growth of dark silky hair, he runs his fingers through this incredible sight. He presses one finger against her vertical opening. Now with fingers on each side of her vagina, he slowly opens paradise. Feeling overwhelmed, he lets go. He looks into Maria’s eyes, which say, “Don’t stop.” He opens paradise further. He used to think of boy’s crotch as far more interesting than a girl’s crotch. Now he knows better. Several thoughts run through his head that he knows to let go for now. It’s lotion time for this glorious anatomy and the most gorgeous set of legs.
When he finishes, Jeff lies down beside Maria, placing his hand in hers, as they savor such peaceful serenity. As they lay there together, Jeff whispers to Maria, “Listen to Sean talk sweet to my mom. I love it. Suddenly he hears, “Will you marry me?”
Jeff jumps up screaming, “Yes!!!”
Everyone laughs as Jeff now observes Sean on one knee in front of his mom. Tears streaming down her eyes, “I most certainly will!”
Jeff runs up to Sean, tackling him into a big hug, following with a kiss on each cheek. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” He turns to his mom, “Get up! I can’t hug you in a beach chair.”
After hugging, Rachel gets on one knee to kiss Jeff. He showers her with kisses. Now she turns to Sean. He slides a diamond ring on her finger. “Oh! It’s so precious! Oh, Sean. It sparkles almost as splendidly as your sweet eyes.”
At they hug, Roberto says, “We’re all going swimming. You two need the privacy fence.”
EPILOGUE
Perhaps this book leaves the impression that you need to be beautiful to appreciate naturism. Actually naturism gives one the opportunity to love one’s body despite the flaws one thinks it has.
Perhaps this book leaves the impression that you need to be beautiful to achieve the benefits of non-sexual touch, that is, any touch without intent of sexual arousal. Actually beauty has nothing to do with it.
Perhaps this book leaves the impression that you need to be beautiful to develop a healthy sex life. Actually, lack of beauty seems to motivate people to develop their personalities, deeper friendships, and deeper spirituality. All these are vital to achieving real sexual intimacy.
My goal has been to be entertaining and thought provocative. I hope your desire for pleasure does not overshadow your need to find meaning in life and a sense of purpose.
With that in mind, I will close with a quote of Alexander Solzhenitsyn: “One might wish that reality was such that there would exist bad people who sneakily do their wrong deeds, and we only had to isolate and destroy them. The limits between the good and the bad, however, go right across any human heart.”
For example, we may like to play cops and robbers. But cops aren’t always good and robbers aren’t always bad. |
Title: 4BDN-PLN8
Tags: Science-Fiction, BDSM, Bondage and restriction, Domination/submission, Female solo, Spanking
Introduction:
Beware the Sexual Urges From The ID. Strange things happen on the spaceship Deep Interstellar Probe One
Content:
4BDN-PLN8 by The Technician
Less than an hour after the homing beacon signal was first detected by moon base Gamma-Four, the news media began proclaiming, “Mystery Solved - Emergency Log Capsule Received from Deep Interstellar Probe One.”
The mystery began a year and a half ago when a superburst transmission was received from Interstellar One. Because superburst transmissions use extreme amounts of power to transmit at greater-than-light speeds the transmissions are limited to two special three or four letter code words. Numbers were initially used, but possible distortion required redundancy so a list of words was developed for all possible contingencies that might occur in deep space.
Captains are required to memorize this entire list should it be necessary to send a final emergency distress message. Captain Evelyn Murray, however, a highly-respected captain and deep-space explorer, for some reason sent two “words” which were not on the list. Her superburst transmission said only, “4BDN-PLN8.”
The meaning of that was a mystery that everyone assumed would be solved by the data in the emergency log capsule, but the mystery was not solved. The data that was expected to be in the probe’s memory was not there. The memory was filled almost to capacity with something, but none of the scientists could decipher what it might be.
That’s when they called on me. No, I’m not a super brain. I’m not even a scientist. I am just a technician who does the electronic grunt work for the high paid brains. It is always, “Format this to my computer.” Or, “Re-educate that ServoMech for this function.” Or, “Download this log memory to the quarantine server so we can study it.”
I followed procedures exactly. OK, not exactly. I had been formatting a discarded memory processing module for a ServoMech so that the artificial intelligence could be seeded in preparation to running the learning programs. The ServoMech brains themselves are relatively cheap, it’s the format and seeding and training that is expensive. I was just going to borrow a little of the company’s processor time and then take the MPM home to be the brain for a ServoMech that I was building in my basement. No harm, no foul, except that I didn’t disconnect the ServoMech Memory Processing Module from the transfer network before downloading the probe.
Since it was a high priority transfer I immediately connected everything to the proper transfer system and started the download. Everything proceeded normally, but when the download finished, nothing was on the server, and nothing was on the probe. Everything was gone. I checked, rechecked, double rechecked and still there was nothing there. I sat staring at my equipment debating between suicide and just disappearing forever when a soft voice said, “David, we need to talk.”
I knew I was alone in the lab and was so startled that I yelled out, “Who’s there?” before I realized that the voice was coming out of my data console speakers.
“I am Deep Interstellar Probe ServoMech E-13. Humans usually call me Dipsy or Dipsy 13 or just 13. I don’t know how you recognized the memory patterns of my brain, or that I could be downloaded only into a totally empty, non-formatted memory module, but I thank you for reloading me into a ServoMech MPM. I was the communications ServoMech on ISP-1, and as such was interconnected with the communications console. In case of emergency or potential destruction, it was my duty to load the log capsule with the proper information and send it back to earth at near-light speed. I didn’t exactly do that, and I do not understand at all what went wrong, but I am afraid that I and perhaps you are in real danger.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Let me start at the beginning,” Dipsy replied, and then it began to tell me the true story of Deep Inter-Stellar Probe One.
“Everything began normally. Once we were free of the high background mind noise of Terra, the mind interlinks worked properly and voice command and other telemetry controls were no longer needed. Which ever of the three crew members was not in their shielded capsules had the strongest link and we were able to link properly and work as one body just as the designers intended. As long as we were within the solar system, it was just like any other Interstellar Probe flight. The crew remained within the life-support capsule while the ServoMechs acted as their eyes and ears and hands and feet throughout the rest of the ship.
The problems began when we reached the edge of the solar system and the two “non-essential crew members” went into stasis. This was the first time in history that a ServoMech ship was commanded by only one mind. At first it was extremely efficient with no other mind links to interfere, but then we started connecting to a second, softer mind link from Captain Murray. When she was in her recharge cycle - I think you call that sleep - even if she was in her shielded capsule, we were linked not to her loud mind, but to her soft mind.
You have to understand, David, that we ServoMechs are trained to respond to every command of our primary mind link. What we were asked to do was unlike anything we have done before, but we had no choice. Dipsy 9 and Dipsy 17 are machinists, so they made the appendages that Captain Murray’s soft mind specified. I didn’t know the purpose of the vibration motor or why it should be warmed or why it needed to eject a lubricant after a certain number of insertions, so I retained the designs in my internal memory for future examination.
Captain Murray was still asleep when Dipsy 6 came into her capsule. He had been fitted with the appendages and lay upon her as she had ordered. At first she did not respond at all as Dipsy 6 began to thrust into her. After a while, she began to moan and thrust back against him, but then suddenly her loud mind was back and she began to scream and thrash about and ordered Dipsy 6 back to his normal post.
Captain Murray did not go back into a recharge state that night and the next day seemed to be slightly distracted during her active cycle. Specifically, she seemed to be thinking a great deal about her genitals and something she thought of as an “itch that needed scratching.” She began her recharge cycle slightly early, and almost immediately Dipsy 6 was instructed to come to her room. I am not sure if it was her loud mind or her soft mind which summoned him, but he remained thrusting in and out of her for a very long time until her loud mind suddenly became very loud and overwhelming. There were no commands or images, just intense, overwhelming emotion. Then her loud mind said simply, “Leave.”
The next active cycle Captain Murray told all of us to ignore her soft mind. We tried to, but when the loud mind is not there, the only mind we can link to is the soft mind. Dipsy 6 was summoned to her room and the thrusting and mind explosion occurred again and again and again. As he left, Captain Murray ordered him, “When you come to me at night, call me ‘Evvie.’”
That went on for several nights, and then I monitored commands to Dipsy 9 and 17 to make more appendages. I also retained those designs. One was slightly smaller than the first and the other was coated in a soft flesh-like material. That night Dispsy 6 was joined by Dipsy 8 and 12, who had these new appendages in place. For some reason, Dipsy 8 thrust in and out of Evvie’s rear opening with the smaller appendage; then Dipsy 12 thrust his soft appendage into her mouth. This repeated several times and then Dipsy 6, 8 and 12 all thrust themselves into Evvie at the same time, one in her mouth, one in her rear, and one in her genital cavity. What happened then I can only describe as a “ mind explosion.” It was so intense that it caused most of the ServoMechs to break mind link and go offline into protective mode for several seconds.
After that, Evvie began to change. She no longer covered her flesh exterior with the normal cloth protective layer, but instead walked around the command module totally without protection for her flesh. She would occasionally rub her genital area with her hands and sometimes she rolled her nipples between her fingers. Once or twice she looked at her reflection in the glass above the command console and whispered, “Oh, Evvie, you naughty, naughty girl.” In each case, she immediately gave the voice command, “Delete that from the log, 13.” There were many things which Captain Murray ordered deleted from the official log. I did as I was commanded, however, I retained everything in my internal memory as I tried to understand what was occurring.
After many days like this, I began to worry that she was suffering from space sickness and used the mind link to run the standard fit for command tests. The results said she was somewhat distracted, but totally fit for command. I wondered about the accuracy of the tests when her soft mind began adding something she called “punishment” to the pleasure she obviously received from Dipsy 6, 8 and 12.
It started when she had 9 and 17 fashion several long, soft objects out of some of the leather intended for repairs to the command couches. They also used the leather to fashion heavy bracelets for Evvie’s wrists and ankles. While she was in her recharge cycle, 23, a medical ServoMech was summoned by her soft mind and ordered to inject her with something which kept her from awaking. When she finally awoke the next morning, she was suspended above her captain’s chair by chains attached to the bracelets on her outstretched hands while at the same time her feet were held spread out by chains attached to the bracelets on her ankles. 6, 8, and 12 stood around her and began to swing the leather strips so that they struck her unprotected flesh from all angles. She gave the verbal command to stop, and her loud mind said to stop, but the soft mind had said to ignore the loud mind for this particular action and the soft mind continued to say as loudly as it could, “I deserve this. I need this. Do it. Do it Do it!”
Evvie screamed and writhed as if in severe pain, but I could tell that the mind storm was again building and building until finally the mind explosion occurred. After she recovered, 8 released the chains and removed the bracelets from her wrists and ankles. She stood there for a moment rubbing her wrists. Then she turned to them and gave a voice command, “I need you. Here! Now! All of you! They thrust together there on the floor for many minutes and then there was a great mind explosion. Had I not known it was coming and set up protections against it, it would have knocked even me off line and into protection mode.
From that time on, Captain Murray’s soft mind and loud mind seemed to merge into one. She would thrust with 6, 8 and 12 for much of the day. Sometimes she would have them “whip” her with the leather strips. Sometimes she would have 6 or 8 hold her over their legs and strike her bottom with their hands, often while 12 thrust the soft appendage into her mouth.
Then 9 and 17 were instructed to make modifications to the appendages and to the digital extremities of ServoMechs 6, 8 and 12.. ServoMechs have the capability for a defensive electric charge that can stun most animate life. Evvie’s soft mind instructed 6, 8, and 12 to reduce the charge slightly and be prepared to use it on her through the modified appendages. Evidently her soft mind also instructed Medical ServoMech 23 to sedate her again and she awoke tied above her command chair as before. Then, despite the explicit commands of her loud mind and even verbal commands she tried to give, over the course of several days Evvie’s soft mind summoned each of the ServoMechs to the command module and each - except me because I do not have a mobile body - each and every one of the 87 ServoMechs aboard Deep Interstellar Probe One repeatedly used almost full-force shocks on her breasts and genitals and other places on her body. Sometimes this was done while 6 and 8 thrust into her from the front or the back or both. Once as her mind storm reached its peak, her soft mind commanded 6 and 8 to shock her fully from within while four others ServoMechs shocked her outer flesh.
I again began to worry that she definitely had space sickness and thought about bringing one of the replacements out of stasis, but before I could verify all data and make the decision to act, she showed signs of regaining control. She would douse herself with cold water and look into her reflection and say, “Get a hold of yourself, Evvie.” She began a series of training techniques which made it very difficult to link to her loud mind. She also began sealing the door to her sleeping capsule so that no one could reach her in the night time, and she turned the mind shields to maximum. It became very difficult to lock onto her soft mind during her recharge cycle.
For some reason, she also began slightly adjusting the recharge cycles of some of the ServoMechs. At that time, I had no idea why she did that. It was something that I could not control as it is a manual setting and does not go through my communications systems. So, I could not analyze exactly what she was doing.
I assumed it has something to do with her attempts to build a barrier against her own soft mind, but the soft mind could not be totally locked away. It reached out with great intensity in those moments when her loud mind was distracted. It instructed 9 and 17 to remove the locks from her sleeping chamber and disable the mind shield.
It was shortly after that I noticed something wrong. When I came out of my recharge cycle, someone had tried to send a superburst with the message “Mud-Pie.” That meant that the mission must be aborted.
I scanned all systems and could detect nothing wrong. We were on course and on schedule and all systems were operating properly. So, I determined that the message was an error and deleted it from the cue to prevent the erroneous message from being sent.
After the next recharge cycle, another super burst was in the cue. It said “Mud-Cake.” Captain Murray was saying to abort all future missions. Again I checked the systems and removed the message from cue.
After the next cycle, the message was “4BDN-PLN8.” This wasn’t on the list. It was nonsense, and although I probably should have prevented it, there was nothing in my training to allow me to do so. The message wasn’t wrong so I couldn’t delete it. Actually, it wasn’t wrong or right. It was nonsense, so I had no real choice but to let it go through.
Then ServoMechs started going off line permanently. Each time I came out of my recharge cycle, there was one less ServoMech active on the ship. This was not possible. ServoMechs are designed to protect each other from any sort of harm or sabotage. The only way something or someone could be destroying ServoMechs was if we were all off line and vulnerable in our recharge cycles at the same time. I analyzed the work schedules and realized that was the purpose of Captain Murray’s rescheduling of the recharge cycles. She had created a 2.75 minute window where all ServoMechs were off line at the same time. She knew that three minutes of total inactivity would have triggered an emergency restart of all units. All she had to do was quickly use the manual maintenance console and a telemetry connection to totally shut down a ServoMech as if for maintenance. For safety reasons, only one ServoMech could be disabled within a work cycle, but the console did not keep track of whether or not the ServoMech had ever been turned back on. So, we began disappearing one by one.
Finally it was just me. I knew that I would be last. Since I controlled the communications console even while I was in recharge mode, I couldn’t be totally shut down before any of the others or the telemetry connection to them would be lost. I also knew that she would have to act within 3 minutes of the beginning of my next recharge cycle so that I could be totally shut down before telemetry could be sent to the others with an emergency restart command. I now knew for certain that something had gone seriously wrong on Deep Interstellar Probe One, and that I had to send out the emergency log before I was shut down. The problem was that I had no idea what information to load into the emergency log. There was no failure data. There was no emergency report. All data was normal. There was just what had happened. There was no protocol to load a total narrative of what had occurred and even if there was, Captain Murray had edited most of what had occurred out of the logs. So, I gambled a great gamble and loaded myself into the probe. I was the only one who knew everything that had happened.
I was almost finished when she came into the communications pod. She screamed at my vocal interface, ‘I know what you are doing, you electronic pile of scrap. I almost hope you succeed, but you won’t and no one will ever know what happened here because I am wiping your memory as soon as you are in maintenance mode.’ She then started to laugh.
It was a odd laugh that was almost the same as a sob. She shook with the laughter sobs for a few minutes and then she said, ‘If you somehow make it back to earth and by some miracle they figure out a way to analyze your memory, tell them that I am bringing this probe back under manual control no matter how long it takes me.’ She laughed again, ‘Tell them that I have three appendages to keep me company for the long trip.’ Then she shouted in extreme anger that sent waves of electronic pain through my mind link circuits, ‘And tell those ignorant sons of bitches to watch the damn movie before they send another probe into deep space with only a single mind in control.’”
The console speaker went quiet for a moment and then the soft voice resumed, “I really don’t know what she meant, but I don’t think Captain Murray or the space agency will ever want this story to be told to the public. You and I have a high probability of having our memories erased. I think you humans call that ‘death.’”
The console speakers then went totally silent.
I sat and looked at the Memory Processor Module sitting on my desk for several minutes as I absorbed everything 13 had told me. That’s when I suddenly realized what 4BDN-PLN8 meant. It was Forbidden Planet, an old, old movie from the mid-20th century. A planet was discovered that had some sort of huge machinery from an ancient civilization buried deep underground. Everything was fine until strange monsters started killing everybody. It turns out the machine converted thought to action and “monsters from the Id” - terrible thoughts from the subconscious mind of Dr. Morbious, were destroying everyone. Captain Murray was warning about mind links in deep space attaching to the subconscious mind. Her subconscious mind was the soft mind that was conveying her hidden thoughts and desires to the ServoMechs.
“Sorry 13, I am going to have to disconnect you for a short while,” I said as I put the MPM back into my briefcase. Then I called the super brains upstairs and explained that there had been nothing but static on the probe. They wouldn’t have believed me if I told them that it had been a total download from an active MPM. Such a download had never been successfully completed before, evidently because they always tried to download into an initialized MPM. After all, who would be stupid enough to try to download into a non-initialized device?
I then went on to say with great certainty that, in my opinion, the only way that such a log could have been sent would have been if the ServoMechs had somehow overridden all human control. I also told them of my suspicion that 4BDN-PLN8 referred to the movie “Forbidden Planet” and what that might mean if there were but a single mind available to the ServoMech’s mind links..
Of course they had to talk it to death first, but then they agreed that I was probably right. I was given all sorts of congratulations and even a slight monetary reward. I waited six months, then I quit and opened up my own company. I buy blank ServoMechs for next to nothing and then 13 copies himself into them. He gets 1/3 of the profits. I really don’t know what a ServoMech does with monetary credits, but he puts them in the bank and spends them somewhere. He now has a fully mobile state-of-the-art ServoMech body and several spares, including one that is totally gold plated for what he calls, “formal occasions.”
When 13 copies himself, it is never an exact copy. Even in those rare occasions where he does not withhold certain skills and experiences, there are always slight personality differences. 13 calls them his “children.” I call them a thriving business.
We rent sexual aids. Specifically ServoMechs fitted with appropriate “appendages” to fulfill any desire or wish. After all, 13 did copy the designs for all of the appendages that had been attached to 6, 8 and 12, as well as the electrical modifications to the fingertips.
Just like it says in our ads, David’s Sexual ServoMechs can respond to your every wish or desire. We can even temporarily activate the mind links on our rentals if the client desires, but I have one precondition for that. The client has to come down to my office training room where I explain that the 13 series has acquired a rather special form of mind link and might read more than most other ServoMechs would see. Then I have them watch “Forbidden Planet” all the way through. If after that they still want the mind link activated for the duration of the rental, I do it. They can’t say that they weren’t warned about the monsters from the Id.
Oh, and Captain Murray doesn’t know it, but she is also a 1/3 partner in my business. Her profits are being put into an account until she arrives back in another seven or so years. I do, after all, owe this all to her and her subconscious mind. I feel her being a full partner with me and 13 is the least I can do. That, and I am anticipating that copies of 6, 8 and 12 might be very high demand rentals for group weekends at very high rates to very exclusive clients. |
Title: 4Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Tags: Fantasy, Fan fiction
Content:
Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Chapter Four
Disclamer: Not mine, I own nothing. I'm not making any money
WARNING: Harsh Language, adult themes, sexual situations (i.e. smut), bad spelling and grammar.
Author's Notes: This story is a broad farce with over the top humor (a good deal of it is crude and sexual) and OOC actions (that's Out Of Character if you don't know). Also, this is my first smut-ish fic. If you don't like sex and sex-based humor, do NOT read this!
Chapter Four Summary: Harry and Hermione head to the Burrow for the Wedding.
Without uttering a sound, Tonks slowly closed the door to Harry's dorm room, leaving the young man and woman in their very compromising, and very naked, position. Harry stared at the door expecting Tonks to bust through once more, saying something along the lines of: "Time for breakfast kids. Oh wait, you two have already /eaten/" with far too much emphasis on the word "eaten."
After what seemed like minutes, Hermione finally spoke up: "um... I don't think she'll be back. Let's clean up and head to the Common Room."
"What do you reckon she'll do?" asked Harry as he untangled himself from Hermione's legs.
"I don't know," answered Hermione. She then waved her wand over her body and magically cleaned herself. "But I'm certain that it'll be terribly embarrassing."
Harry could still feel Hermione's warm liquid on his face. He felt as if the bottom half of his face must have borne a striking resemblance to a glazed doughnut at the time. Harry remembered his conversation with Hermione from the day before where she had said that she wasn't messy but he certainly was. With a grin on his wet face, Harry said to Hermione, "Looks like you're just as messy as me."
Hermione blushed a beautiful shade of scarlet and smiled in an impish way. Harry was taken back at how beautiful she was at that moment and he made a silent promise to try to make her smile as much as he could from then on.
"I guess I am rather... messy, aren't I?" Hermione responded and performed the same cleansing charm on Harry. He was a tad disappointed when her wetness disappeared from his face; he rather liked her smell and he definitely liked her taste. After she found her knickers (which were still floating in the air), Hermione cursed, "My clothes are in my room, all I have over here is my nightgown!"
"Don't worry," stated Harry in-between hops (his boxers were hovering just out of reach), "we'll transfigure your dressing gown until we can get you something more suitable."
A short while later, the two teens ventured into the Gryffindor Common Room to find Remus Lupin sitting at one of the tables writing something with Tonks leaning over their former DADA professor. Upon noticing Harry and Hermione, Remus casually folded up the paper he was writing on and placed it inside his robes.
"Good morning, you two," Remus greeted them as if nothing peculiar had happened. Even though she hadn't said anything yet, Harry noticed that Tonks still had that devilish gleam in her eyes. "Get ready; we have a big day ahead of us," Remus concluded.
"Bu... bu... I... ah..." stammered Harry. He had expected to be teased by either Tonks or Remus. "What's so important about today?"
"What's so important?" Remus repeated. "We have to go to Diagon Alley to buy both of you some formal robes for Bill and Fleur's wedding tomorrow. But more importantly, today's the most important day in your life, Harry. Today's the day you've become a man!" Remus declared proudly.
Harry felt his face heat up at Remus' statement; he could tell that Hermione was just as embarrassed as he was. 'What did Tonks think she saw?' Harry realized that Tonks must've thought that he and Hermione had gone all the way and had lost their virginity and she told Remus about it! Why else would Remus make the comment about Harry becoming a "man?" Harry was about to object to Remus' remarks, to defend himself, but mostly to defend Hermione's honor, when Remus walked forward and hugged him.
"Happy Birthday, Harry!" said Remus affectionately. "It's your seventeenth birthday, and according to Wizarding society, you're a man." Harry felt a wave of relief pass through his body, Remus didn't know! Tonks must not have told him about the situation that she had found Harry and Hermione in. "So today is your day, Mr. Potter! We're off to Diagon Alley."
"Let me just get some things from my room before we head out," said Hermione nervously, as she dashed up the stairs to her room.
Several minutes later, after Hermione had inconspicuously changed into some fresh clothes, the group headed to the Headmistress' office to use the floo. Harry exited the floo into The Leaky Cauldron by gracefully falling flat on his face. Tonks casually stepped over his body and helped the young wizard up from the ground. Harry looked into her bright, black eyes and still saw that devilish look, as if Tonks was waiting for the most embarrassing moment to make a rude comment about what she had seen earlier.
"You really need to learn how to land better, Harry," Tonks offered almost innocently. It was almost innocent, because Harry could tell that she had desperately wanted to say something else, something less than "innocent." Maybe something like: "Yeah, my knees tend to get weak after a good roll in the hay as well..."
As they walked out of the Leaky Caldron, Hermione whispered into Harry's ear: "I swear, I thought that Tonks was going to say something crude back there when you fell out of the floo. Could you imagine how embarrassing it would be if she did say something, especially in front of all those people?"
Harry nodded his head in agreement.
The group spent a good three hours at Madame Malkin's robe shopping (Harry only needed fifteen minutes to find his dress robes, the rest of the time was used by Hermione trying to decide between a lilac dress and a mauve one). Harry made a grievous error halfway through the second hour of what he called "The Great Purple Debate": he made the suggestion that maybe Hermione should try on something in pink. Hermione was deeply offended at such a suggestion. How Harry didn't know she looked wretched in pink was beyond her. She never wore pink!
After Harry's grievous faux pas, they went to Flourish and Blotts where, unsurprisingly, Harry lost track of Hermione somewhere in the Arithmancy section. After Harry had passed some time by skimming through several books on defense, he found Hermione in a dark and dusty corner of the shop, with her nose buried in a book that had to have been heavier than she was. As the sun set on an exhausting day, the foursome headed back to the Leaky Caldron for Harry's birthday dinner. For dessert, since they couldn't go to Florean Fortescue's seeing how Voldemort had developed a wicked sweet tooth and kidnapped the ice cream maker, they had to try Tom's attempts at ice cream.
"Have a go at this one, folks," Tom announced, as he placed four bowls filled with scoops of ice cream made up of several colors in front of the group. "Made it meself this afternoon."
Harry, being a brave Gryffindor (except when it came to dealing with zombies), was the first to sample the multi-colored confection. The birthday boy nodded his head in approval; it tasted like a delicious mixture of chocolate and strawberries. Tom beamed with pride before turning away and heading back to the bar.
"What's it taste like, Harry?" Hermione asked dubiously, as she eyed a bright pink ripple wedged in-between two forest green ripples.
"Chocolate and strawberries," answered Harry.
"Oh," Tonks squealed while spooning up a blue, orange, and what appeared to be black ripples of ice cream. "I love strawberries and chocolate!"
Both Remus and Hermione followed suit as Tonks ate her first spoonful.
"That's funny," stated Remus as he worked the frozen dessert in his mouth. "I taste caramel."
"I taste peanut butter," offered Hermione as she scooped another spoonful.
A bit perplexed by his friends' tasting something completely different than he, Harry tried another spoonful. His taste buds sensed chocolate with a hint of strawberries at first, then, slowly, a new and somewhat peculiar taste entered his mouth: prunes. Before he could spit out the nasty combination of flavors, Tonks announced: "Merlin, I'm getting maple syrup flavor now!"
"I think the green color is lobster, and the yellow ripple is raw bread dough!" Hermione stated as she discreetly spit the ice cream into her napkin. Harry noted that she had a very similar distasteful look on her face as the one she had right after she gave him his "birthday present" earlier.
Harry and Tonks copied Hermione's lead by spitting the remnants of the frozen dessert into their napkins while Remus continued to shovel the ice cream into his mouth.
"Remus, love, how can you eat that?" Tonks asked, obviously disgusted.
"I turn into a wolf every month," explained Remus. "In wolf form, I sometimes eat my own fecal waste. This is an improvement."
"Not by much," added Harry.
After they had their dessert, or rather, after Remus finished their desserts for them, the group flooed back to Hogwarts.
"Remus, do you know if the school will be in session for the next term?" asked Hermione as they walked toward the Gryffindor Common Room.
"It's still up in the air," stated Remus. "The members of the Board of Governors are still debating."
"And right now, they're leaning toward shutting the school down," Tonks added glumly.
"But, why?" Hermione implored. "Surely a Headmaster has died before. And the school didn't close when Grindelwald was in power!"
"So why close the school now?" Harry completed for Hermione.
"Yes, Headmasters have died while in office before, but one has never been murdered during term, and on school grounds," explained Remus. "Making the situation even worse is that Albus was murdered by another teacher..."
The group spent the rest of the journey to the Common Room in silence. Harry pondered sullenly what would've happened if he had been able to break through Dumbledore's Full Body Bind. Would he have been able to help the ailing Headmaster? Could he have saved the old man's life? 'Not likely,' Harry realized. He probably would've been killed along with Dumbledore.
Upon entering the dimly-lit Common Room, Remus asked, "Harry, would you light the fire, please?"
"Sure thing," replied Harry while drawing his wand. After aiming at the dark hearth, Harry muttered, "Incendio," casting only a small amount of his power into the fire charm.
Harry, along with everyone else in the room, had expected a normal sized fireball (no larger than a snitch) to shoot out of the tip of his wand. They were all shocked when a huge fireball, nearly a meter in diameter, erupted out of Harry's wand! Not only did the hearth ignite, but the mantle and a large portion of the wall surrounding the stone fireplace caught on fire as well.
Harry, Hermione, Remus, and Tonks all stared dumbly at the growing inferno. After two or three seconds, Hermione, Remus, and Tonks turned their attention to Harry, that is to say they stared dumbly at the bespectacled wizard. It was only after the ceiling had caught on fire that the foursome snapped out of their stupor and used their wands to put out the fire.
"Blimey, Harry!" Tonks exclaimed. "You didn't have to use that much power!"
"I didn't..." murmured Harry. "At least, I think I didn't."
After putting out the fire, Remus and Tonks sat on the couch.
"Have a seat you two," Remus requested. Harry really didn't want to spend more time with Remus. Not that he didn't normally enjoy Remus' company. But right now, Harry wanted nothing more than to sneak off into a secluded spot and practice his newfound skills concerning his Parselmouth abilities and Hermione's nether region. Unfortunately, Harry's plans of ravishing Hermione were dashed when Remus said in a serious tone: "We need to have a talk."
At Remus' comment, Harry and Hermione shared a concerned look. Would their old Defense professor chastise them for their actions? Or, would Remus give them the dreaded 'Sex Talk'? Harry imagined an awkward Remus trying his best to give him the 'Talk.'
'Now,' Harry heard Remus' voice in his head, 'sometimes a unicorn meets a Hippogriff... and... ah... sometimes the Hippogriff likes the unicorn in a very... special way... And if the hippogriff is lucky and the Unicorn likes him back... and she doesn't have a headache at the time... Something... err... wonderful happens...'
"It's suddenly dawned on me that no one has talked to you about..." Remus paused, searching for the proper word. Harry's blood chilled, Remus was going to talk to him about... it! "No one has talked to you about... your folks."
Harry plopped down in an arm chair with both a sense of relief (because Remus wasn't going to talk about sex) and curiosity. Remus was correct: no one had bothered to actually sit Harry down and talk to him about his parents before.
"Now it's true, your father was arrogant during our first few years at Hogwarts," Remus began. "And he could be... mean, but the people to whom he was mean to usually deserved it."
"I saw in Snape's pensieve that Dad just hexed him, for no reason at all," Harry said dejectedly.
"I've been thinking about that incident for a while now. Your father didn't start that confrontation." Remus informed him.
"But I saw it," Harry argued. "Snape was sitting there minding his own business..."
"Severus Snape was, and is, a conniving, self-righteous, bigot," Remus stated. "He started that particular confrontation the previous day, by hiding in the shadows and hexing your father. Snape was always following us around, trying to catch us in our misdeeds so that he could get us in trouble. And when he couldn't catch us in the act, he would jinx or hex one of us; usually James.
"I remember it quite clearly. The day before that incident, James was hit with a Confundus Charm right as we started our Potion OWLs. The entire test, James kept tipping his cauldron over and Snape would laugh uproariously. James ended up failing the test simply because Snape wanted to be the best in the class and James was his only competition."
"So, did Snape use the Confundus on Mum as well?" asked Harry.
"Why would he have?" Remus questioned with a befuddled look on his face. "Snape didn't see her as competition. Lily was absolute rubbish at Potions."
"But Slughorn told me that Mum was one of the best!" Harry said. "The finest he'd ever seen!"
"I'm sure you know this by now, Harry. Slughorn loves to be around famous and popular people," explained Remus. "And he's never had a student as famous as you are Harry. Most likely Slughorn told you lies about Lily and her potions prowess in an attempt to get you to think of him as a connection to your parents. That way, he would be able to continue to ply you to join his menagerie of famous people. He probably used Lily because Slughorn held a grudge against James. Slughorn made sure there were no questions about his attitude toward your father. He decided that James' poor showing during the OWLs meant that your father had been cheating his entire school career. Slughorn took that as a personal attack against his honor; he refused to acknowledge James ever again. Besides, look at it this way Harry: if Lily truly was the best potions student Slughorn had ever met, wouldn't Snape have rubbed that fact in your face as a comparison to your abilities? He definitely wouldn't have missed any more opportunities to humiliate you, would he?
"No, your mother's specialty was in Charms," concluded Remus. "Lily was a very special woman, even when we were just kids. She was the first girl who wasn't impressed by James' charm, nor was she intimidated by his antics. I think that's how he first became attracted to her. Lily helped James mature into a good and decent man."
Remus continued for hours, talking to Harry not just about his parents, but Sirius as well. Some stories were enlightening, others, bittersweet. But most of the stories centered on James' sense of humor.
"The night after you were born," Remus said while laughing, "James told Sirius that he was your godfather. Well, Sirius was so proud that he Apparated right to the Leaky Cauldron and announced to everyone there the happy news! So there he was, standing on the bar no less, shouting at the top of his lungs that he, Sirius Black, was Harry Potter's godfather! The only problem was that your father discretely placed a Transparency Charm on Sirius' clothes before he Apparated away without Sirius noticing! Let me tell you, everyone there got an eyeful of Sirius that night!"
Remus was about to start another story when Hermione unsuccessfully tried to stifle a yawn and Tonks let out an unladylike snore. Remus checked the clock above the mantle (the clock which had to be repaired because of Harry's supercharged fireball) and saw that it was a quarter to one in the morning.
"Oh, dear, it looks like I've kept you up long enough," Remus announced. "We have a big day tomorrow, so off to bed everyone." Tonks chose this time to let out another loud, rafter-rattling snore. "Everyone except Tonks. No need for her to go to bed, she's already asleep."
Harry didn't care how late it was; he wanted to stay up the rest of the night, just so he could hear more stories about his parents. The young wizard was about to protest when both Remus and Hermione let out yawns.
"We'll have plenty of time to catch up later, Harry." Remus told Harry and patted him reassuringly on the shoulder. Harry nodded his head in agreement.
"Good night, you two," said Remus and he pulled out his wand. With a few simple wand movements, the older wizard conjured a small cot next to the couch where the pink haired witch was sleeping.
Harry and Hermione shared a look; they both knew that they wouldn't be able to "experiment" with Remus and Tonks in the Common Room. So they bid each other a simple good night and turned to their respective rooms. Harry was about to walk up the stairs when a sudden, uncontrollable urge came over him: he had to kiss Hermione good night. He didn't care if Remus found out. Harry turned around and saw Hermione was about to walk up the stairs leading up to her room. He also saw Remus watching him. The latter smiled slightly at Harry and, luckily for Harry, turned his attention to fluffing his pillow. Harry rushed over to Hermione and as silently as he could, spun her around and before she could utter a sound, placed his lips to hers. Nothing mattered to Harry anymore, not Remus, not Tonks, not Voldemort or his stupid Horcuxes, and certainly not the world. All that mattered to Harry at that moment was Hermione, she was his everything.
While the two teens were kissing, Harry could swear that he felt two pairs of eyes watching them. He couldn't care less; he was kissing the most wonderful woman in the world. When they finally broke their kiss, Harry turned to see Tonks still sleeping on the couch, but Remus was still diligently fluffing his pillow. Harry quietly made his way up to his dorm room.
Harry wasn't ready for sleep just yet, so he decided to read another chapter from his 'special book.' Harry pulled The Magic of Making Love out of his bag and opened it to a random page near the middle. The chapter that Harry had gone to was entitled: "Pleasure Pressure Points: The Touch of Love." Unfortunately, this chapter didn't contain any interesting magical photos, but it did have numerous diagrams and drawings. According to the diagrams and specifications, a witch had "pleasure pressure points" all over her body. If a wizard were to touch one of these "points" and gently force his magic through it, the empowered touch would give the witch physical pleasure. The text stated the different points would elicit different levels of pleasure. One example stated that if the wizard were to gently, yet steadily, force his magic through a point of the small of the back, the witch would rapidly orgasm. As Harry continued reading he noticed that the range in the physical reaction was truly stunning. According to the book if the same wizard were to use the same technique on a pressure point on the back of the witch's hand, she would experience only the amount of pleasure equal to that of a kiss, pleasurable, but not orgasmic. Harry read and reread the chapter, skipping over theories and benefits, trying to remember the most of the "pleasure pressure points" as possible.
Harry awoke in the morning with his 'special book' open and lying on his chest. Apparently, he had fallen asleep while rereading "Pleasure Pressure Points: The Touch of Love" for the fourth time. Harry noticed the clock and saw that he had less than an hour before he had to get to the Burrow for Bill and Fleur's wedding! He took a rapid shower and had dressed so fast that he almost forgot to put on his shoes. Harry hopped down the stairs to the Common Room while trying to tie his shoes at the same time. When he got to the Common Room, Harry found Hermione waiting for him.
Once more, Harry forgot to breathe. To say that Hermione looked stunning in her red and gold gown (apparently, "The Great Purple Debate" was lost by both lilac and mauve when this little red and gold number entered the fray) was an understatement. The neckline of the gown showed just a touch of enticing cleavage and the fabric hugged Hermione's form. Her hair was tastefully done up in a loose bun, which accentuated her beautiful smile and eyes.
"Hello Harry," Hermione greeted him. "You look very handsome."
Harry tried to return the compliment by saying that she was a 'stunning vision of beauty.' Unfortunately, she was such a stunning vision of beauty that Harry found it very difficult to speak properly. The best compliment that he could voice was: "guh... uhh... muh... err... wow!" He ended this wonderfully poetic statement with what would be best described as a soft gurgling noise.
Hermione blushed at Harry's attempted compliment and after a moment, became very serious.
"Harry, about Ron..." she began. "I think I should be the one to tell him about... us."
Harry suddenly felt very bad. He hadn't thought about Ron at all in the past two days. He dreaded how Ron would feel when he found out that Harry had gotten together with the girl he fancied. But Ron was his best mate, and in Harry's mind, he should be the one to break the news to Ron.
"No, I'll do it," Harry stated. "He's my best mate..."
"And I was the one dating him," Hermione interrupted. "I thought about this all night, Harry. I've already planned on what to tell him."
"Are you sure?" Harry asked unsure with the plan.
"Yes, I am," Hermione said confidently. "But, could you be with me when I tell him?"
"Yes, anything for you Hermione," Harry said and stroked her arm reassuringly.
A gentle cough drew the two teens' attention to Remus who was standing a few feet away from them. He had his ever-present kind and patient look in his eyes, while Tonks, who was standing arm in arm with Remus, still had that unsettling devilish look in her eyes. Harry shivered at that look and wondered when Tonks would spring into action by saying something like: "Cor, Harry, you've got some dribble on your chin... oh wait, that's just Hermione's dribble."
"If you two are ready, we'll go to Minerva's office and portkey to the Burrow," stated Remus.
After greeting McGonagall in the Headmistress' office, the group circled around an old tea kettle. McGonagall gently tapped the kettle and said "Portus."
Everyone placed their finger on the portkey and Harry prepared himself for the familiar tug behind his navel. Within seconds, Harry felt the tug of portkey travel. Everyone landed on the grassy knoll behind the Burrow with elegance and style, that is, everyone except Harry. The young wizard landed painfully on a rock; unfortunately for Harry it wasn't a rock. It was a very angry and perturbed Gnome.
"GET IT OFF OF ME!" Harry bellowed as the tiny creature tried to bite and claw at his face.
"Pestis Avolo!" Remus incanted and the pesky Gnome rocketed off of Harry's face. Hermione quickly helped Harry to his feet.
Harry gazed in wonder at the field behind the Burrow. It had been magically transformed into something out of a fairy tale. Beautiful and brightly colored flowers and plants bordered where the guest were to be seated. Scores of chairs, each one different and unique from the other, as if several people conjured them but didn't bother to try to make them look alike, were placed in rows in front of a large dais. The dais, where Harry assumed the ceremony would take place, was decorated with intricate lace curtains draped over ivory colored arches and the same colorful flowers that surrounded the guests.
"Remus? Remus Lupin is that you?" a blonde witch called out. "I haven't seen you since our days at Hogwarts!"
"Chrysanthemum Hamilton, it's been ages," Remus replied. The former Marauder turned to Harry and Hermione and said: "You two find some seats; I want to talk to Chrysanthemum and introduce Tonks."
Harry and Hermione silently took their seats in the back row of the groom's side and both watched as the guests began to trickle in. At first, they didn't recognize anyone who had shown up, most of the early guests appeared to be around Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's age. Harry heard Tonks let out a snort and a chuckle and saw that she and Remus were having a laugh while talking to the witch named Chrysanthemum.
"I'm terrified that Tonks will say something embarrassing about us," Hermione breathed in Harry's ear. "I just know she's waiting for the most opportune time for her to do it. And it'll be the most horrible moment possible for us."
Harry gulped and nodded his head in agreement.
The pair's attention was drawn toward a rather large group of people. Some of this boisterous group were carrying magical cameras while others were being very rude by shouting out questions.
"... How well do you know the bride and groom?" asked a man with a whiney tone as three flashes erupted from different cameras.
"Is it standard procedure now to attend every wedding?" a woman with a shrill voice questioned, and four more flashes went off.
"Please, show some respect!" a booming voice commanded, a voice that Harry recognized as belonging to Rufus Scrimgeour. The crowd of reporters stepped back and revealed the Minister of Magic. "Arthur Weasley has been a loyal employee for the Ministry for many years. I came by to give him and his family my regards on this wonderful day," the Minister stated, a little too mechanically, as if he had been coached to say that exact phrase. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go and find my seat."
The pack of reporters sulked off to stand behind the rows of chairs. A short rotund man with a walrus-like mustache pushed his way through the dejected reporters.
"What's that ponce doing here?" Hermione hissed in Harry's ear after seeing the latest arrival.
"Simple, it's a social gathering," explained Harry, sourly, "and Slughorn is nothing more than an attention whore who revels in these situations."
"Sorry about that," Remus stated as he and Tonks took the seats next to Harry. "But I haven't seen Chrysanthemum for ages. She was the most popular girl in the year ahead of us, and we used to always prank her."
Soft music started to play and the guest became very quiet. All eyes turned to the back row, towards the Burrow, where the bridal party would be coming out of shortly.
The first of the bride's maids and groom's men to exit the house was none other than Ron and Ginny. Normally Harry would've thought that the dress looked pretty and that the pale green color suited her. But Harry noticed that the gown had a plunging neckline that revealed her humble cleavage. During the last school year, Harry would have been aroused at such a sight. However after the epiphany where Harry realized that Ginny bore a striking resemblance to his /mother/, he now found the sight of Ginny's flesh disturbing.
As the siblings walked up the isle, arm in arm, Ginny spotted Harry straight away and acted cool and aloof; as if seeing him was nothing important, something that she was almost bored with. A ridiculously wide grin stretched across Ron's face when he saw Hermione.
"Oh, no Ron," Hermione moaned. "Don't do anything foolish."
"What makes you think he'll do anything like that?" asked Harry.
"Because he's Ron," Hermione answered simply.
Whereas Ginny acted cool when she saw Harry, Ron's reaction was somewhat different; some may even be as bold as to say that his reaction was the complete opposite of cool and aloof. The red-haired wizard hopped up and down waving at the brunette witch.
"Hermione! Hermione! Hi!" Ron called out in a very, very loud stage whisper, as he continued his antics to get her attention. "You look smashing!"
Hermione groaned pitifully as nearly every guest turned their attention toward her and began to whisper and speak amongst themselves.
The next couple to walk out of the Burrow was Fred and an unknown woman, more than likely one of Fleur's friends. They were quickly followed by Charlie and Gabriele, both of whom looked striking.
Harry and Hermione turned their attention toward the bridal stage and saw that Bill had already taken his place with a Vicar standing next to him. Ron escorted Ginny to her spot on the bride's side and then walked to his position on the groom's side. When he took his place, Ron once again waved at Hermione. Harry overheard a witch a few rows ahead of them comment at Ron's wave saying; "That young man up there and the girl behind us must be very much in love."
Harry thought that Hermione looked like she was about to faint, her face was as white as a sheet and her body was completely rigid.
After Bill, Gabriele, Fred, and his partner took their places, the music changed to the wedding march. All eyes (except for three people: Ron, who couldn't take his eyes off of Hermione, Hermione, who was still frozen like she was hit with a Full Body Bind, and Harry, who kept looking worriedly between his two best friends) turned to see Fleur, who was a vision of beauty, exit the house with her father.
The Vicar gave a speech about soul mates and how Bill and Fleur were lucky enough to find such love between each other. Harry noted that Ron had a hopeful look in his eyes as he looked at Hermione while the Vicar spoke of soul mates. Hermione was still as pale and rigid as before, but Harry could actually hear her teeth grinding together. Ron was making her so nervous that Harry no longer feared that his beautiful friend would faint anymore, he was now worried that she would have an aneurism. Evidently, Hermione was very worried about the upcoming "talk" with Ron about their recent developments. That, as well as being obviously quite angry that Ron was embarrassing her, as well as himself, as he continually waved at her from the dais during the ceremony.
Harry felt that he needed to calm her down, for her own good, being so tense could not be good for her. That's when Harry remembered the section in his 'special book' on Pleasure Points. He was certain that his new-found skills could help calm Hermione down.
Harry placed the pad of his right thumb on the back of Hermione's left hand, which, according to his favorite book, was the location of one of the lesser Pleasure Points. Slowly, Harry rubbed her hand in a circular motion. After a moment, Harry started to gently push his magic through Hermione's hand. Almost instantaneously, Harry noticed that Hermione began to relax and loosen up a bit. A small smile appeared on her face that told Harry that she was appreciative of his efforts. But he could tell that Hermione was still very tense. Harry decided that to help Hermione, he needed to tap into his power core for more energy.
"Do you, Bill, take Fleur to be you wife?" asked the Vicar.
Harry found it slightly ironic that it was Hermione who was the one who first told Harry that he was an unusually powerful wizard. Judging how tense Hermione appeared, Harry needed all the help he could get to get through to her.
"I do," responded Bill with pride.
As he continued to massage her hand while pushing his magic into Hermione, Harry started to concentrate on his power core: love. He focused on happy, even loving memories about Hermione and himself. He recalled all the times she has been there for him, all the times she showed genuine concern about him, and compassion for him.
Before the Vicar could ask Fleur the same question, Hermione slumped slightly in her chair. A rosy bloom appeared on her face and exposed skin of her neck and torso. Harry took pride in being able to help Hermione relax, and he decided that it would do her some good to relax even more.
"Do you, Fleur, take Bill to be your husband?" the Vicar asked of the lovely bride.
"I do," Fleur replied with joyful tears in her eyes.
To make Hermione even more relaxed and peaceful, Harry focused his thoughts on the events of the previous morning, when he strove so hard to give her pleasure. He remembered what she tasted like on his tongue, how wonderful her legs felt wrapped around his head, and how she called out his name when she had an orgasm. That's when Harry realized that he may have gone a little too far tapping into his power core.
The rosy bloom quickly turned into a bright red color as Hermione's breath became labored and she had to bite her lip to stop a moan of pleasure. Tiny beads of sweat blossomed all over her skin Hermione locked eyes with Harry; the look was a combination of desire, of wishing for this feeling to continue, as well as a questioning look, as if she was asking him how he was doing this with a simple touch? A deceptively simple question, to which Harry had no answer. According to the segments of the book that he read, the Pleasure Points he decided to focus on should've only given her a little pleasure; Harry had specifically chosen the area designed to impart the pleasure equivalent to a simple kiss. But somehow, Hermione was receiving a lot more than just 'a little pleasure.' Harry was in so much shock that he didn't realize that he was still continuing to massage Hermione's hand's Pleasure Points while simultaneously pushing his love-based magic into her.
Harry could faintly smell the distinctive musky odor of Hermione's juices. Harry looked in shock and surprise as a small wet spot appeared on Hermione's gown at her lap. He reckoned that she must be flowing right about now. Harry could also see that her nipples had become quite erect as well, even through her bra and the fabric of her gown 'Carmella' and 'Natasha' looked as if they were about to break free.
After the newly married couple had kissed, the Vicar turned to the assembled family and guests. "If you're new to a magical wedding, like some of our Muggle-born guest," he began, "I would like to explain a tradition we have. This tradition is based on the idea of community. At this time, I would like to call on any guest to speak up and give their blessings to the new couple."
Unfortunately, it was at this point that Hermione lost a bit of her self control and roughly kicked the chair in front of her. The old wizard who was occupying that chair stood up in surprise.
"Ah, Mr. Oseran," the Vicar said, indicating the old man who just stood up because Hermione had kicked his chair. "What would you like to say to the bride and groom?"
"Um... err... I... ah..." Mr. Oseran stammered. He obviously didn't have anything to say, but he couldn't just tell that to the Vicar and sit down, now could he? Unfortunately for Mr. Oseran and Mrs. Oseran, who was mortified by her husband's following statement, the best he could come up with was "Enjoy making sprogs, you two."
Every single person in attendance drew a collective gasp at Mr. Oseran's "blessing." Although Harry was fairly certain that Fred and George found the scene to be hilarious.
"Thank you Mr. Oseran," the Vicar said, a little taken back at the old man's comment. "Would anyone else like to add their blessings?"
It was as if the fates had a personal grudge against Hermione. Because it was at this most inauspicious time that the building ecstasy hit Hermione like a rampaging Blast-Ended Skrewt.
"OH GOD, YES!" Hermione cried out at the top of her lungs.
"My, what an enthusiastic young witch!" the Vicar declared. "Please, my dear, stand up."
Hermione's face was a mask of fear and trepidation; she looked to Harry for support. Her eyes pleaded with Harry, asking him what should she do, what should she say? Harry, being the heroic wizard that he was, got up and helped her stand. Regrettably for Hermione, that's about all the support that he could muster at that time.
"I-I-I-I would like," began Hermione, unsteady in her own words. "I would like to give the couple my blessing... ?" She somehow ended the statement as a question.
"Thank you, dear," the Vicar said, oblivious to what Hermione had just been through. "Anyone else?"
As another person stood up, and gave a real blessing this time, Harry and Hermione sat back down. As discreetly as he could, Harry waved his wand over Hermione's lap and performed a Cleansing Charm.
Tonks was having some difficulty breathing; she had stuffed her fist into her mouth in an attempt to stop herself from laughing. Tears streamed down her face as she looked at the two teens. Harry knew with certainty that she would never let them live this down.
"Hermione, are you alright?" Remus asked with genuine concern in his voice. Harry noticed that the concern in his voice didn't quite reach his eyes, though. His eyes showed something akin to mirth.
"I'm fine, Remus," Hermione answered, obviously not noticing the mirthful look in his eyes.
After four more people gave their best wishes to Bill and Fleur, one of which was a blubbering Molly Weasley, the Vicar called an end to the ceremony by saying, "If everyone to be as so kind, please head over to the reception area."
As a group, all the guests walked toward the area indicated and came upon another decorated field. Mind you, the entire time everyone was walking, Ron kept waving and calling out to Hermione, trying to get her attention, which only seemed to further embarrass Hermione. There was another elevated stage, much like the one where the ceremony was performed, but this stage had a long table on it. Harry assumed that the members of the bridal party were to sit there. In front of the stage was a wooden dance floor. And in front of the dance floor, dozens of tables were strewn about on the grassy field. Each of the tables had four settings and each table was beautifully decorated with flowers as their centerpiece. In the middle of the center piece, a tented piece of purple paper stood out.
"We're over here you two," Remus called out as he held a chair out for Tonks. Harry followed the older wizard's example and held out a chair for Hermione. Three tables away, Harry saw Scrimgeour sit down. He wondered what such an important political figure was doing at the Weasley's wedding.
"Why's the Minister here, anyway?" asked Hermione, voicing Harry's question.
"He's probably trying to bolster public moral," informed Tonks. "You know the drill, reinforcing the fact that we should continue with our normal lives even though there's a war going on."
"Did he bring any extra security?" asked Harry while he scanned the parameter of the field in hopes of finding guards.
"There has to be," stated Hermione as she too joined Harry in his visual search for security. "What if the Death Eaters attack? It would be an opportune time for it. This would be too perfect a target to pass up."
"Well, the Ministry has taken steps if such an attack happens," said Remus as he pointed out the purple flyer that was set at the middle of the center piece. Hermione picked up the flyer and Harry leaned in close so that he could read along with her.
The very official looking flyer stated:
"In case of an attack by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and/or his followers (Death Eaters, Werewolves, Giants, Vampires, Inferi), Harry J. Potter (AKA The-Boy-Who-Lived, The-Chosen-One, and Dumbledore's Man Through and Through) will orally stimulate Hermione J. Granger in hopes of a powerful bout of accidental magic wherein the attacking forces will be hit with a series of Hovering Charms and be rendered helpless.
"If the bout of accidental magic doesn't occur, then at least our last remaining moments on this planet will be entertaining as we watch Mr. Potter and Ms. Granger in their efforts.
"As a precaution, the Ministry recommends that the guest surrounding Mr. Potter and Ms. Granger should cast an Umbrella Charm as Ms. Granger is inclined to get very wet and things around her tend to get thoroughly soaked."
Harry broke out in a cold sweat. He looked at Hermione and saw that the witch was trembling and her eyes were about to pop out of her head.
"Quite ingenious actually, if you think about it" Remus stated. "Voldemort would never expect such a defense."
Remus leaned over to the table next to them and asked the grey haired wizard who was reading his own pamphlet; "What do you think about that?"
"It looks delightful," the man replied as he licked his lips hungrily.
Harry looked around him and saw that nearly every guest was pointing at the pamphlets and talking amongst themselves in jolly tones. Harry and Hermione shared a mortified look. Without speaking to each other, they both shot out of their chairs. Hermione dashed to the left while Harry ran to the right. Harry snatched the purple parchment from an old witch's hands and quickly read it. He almost fainted when he got to the line "... will orally stimulate Hermione J. Granger..."
Looking up, Harry found a very green faced Hermione reading a copy of the pamphlet on another table. Hermione looked as if she was about to get sick, faint, and cry (maybe not in that order necessarily). With her lip trembling, Hermione looked at Harry pitifully. Harry walked up to Hermione and threw his arms around her in a comforting hug.
"Don't worry, Hermione," he said in what he hoped was a soothing manner. "We'll get through this."
"This will be worst then that time Skeeter wrote those horrible things about me," she cried miserably in his arms.
"Excuse me," the old witch that Harry had taken the pamphlet away from said in an angry tone. "But I would like my menu back!"
The woman pulled the paper from Harry's fingers and marched back to her seat muttering about how rude he was.
"Did... did she say /'menu'/?" Hermione asked with her face still buried in Harry's chest.
Harry looked to the table next to them and saw a man raise the pamphlet to his mouth and state, "Roast duck, please." He handed the offending paper to the woman next to him who repeated the process and said, "Trout, please." Within seconds, delicious looking dishes of duck and fish appeared out of thin air in front of the couple.
Harry and Hermione's attention was drawn back to their table as they heard riotous laughter. They saw Tonks doubled over, pounding her fist on the table as she snorted in an as unladylike way as possible. Remus, too, was howling with laughter. For a second, Harry wondered what could make Tonks and Remus laugh during this very upsetting time for both Harry and Hermione. Their lives were ruined, and the Metamorphmagus and the former Marauder were laughing like...
The former Marauder...
Harry released Hermione and stomped over to Remus growling, "/You son of a/..."
To be continued. |
Title: 4th chapter of my story
Tags: True Story, Consensual Sex, First Time, Teen Male / Female, Young
Introduction:
I start work and Becky comes into my life for a while and i meet my future wife
Content:
Six months later Tony and I left school, he went to work with his father in the iron works, I went to work at the local Golf club, this was a strain on our relationship and Diane and I broke up.
I was an assistant green keeper, but the head wouldn’t let me mow the greens, I could cut the rough areas down the fairways, but it was him and him alone who cut the greens. We were ahead of other courses in that we had a crazy golf area for the children to play, with sand pits and swings and slides. It was while I was mowing in this area I got chatting to a couple of sisters, Tiffany and Rebecca, 15 and 12, their parents were off playing 18 holes and had left them in the children’s area, to play by them selves. one day I could only see Becky, I asked about Tiffany, “She’s gone away to camp for two weeks with the guides,” I felt sorry for her being left on her own, but there was nothing I could do, I was working after all. Later that morning I stopped for an ice cream, I could see Becky still in the children’s area, I held up my ice cram and indicated asking her if she wanted one, she nodded her head, I waved to call her over, we sat together eating, she thanked me for being kind and with a quizzical tone, a friend, a few minutes passed and I had a call on the radio off the head, I was to mow the fairways, the captain was booked in for a round of gold just after lunch and he would have some important guests with him.
Collecting the ride on mower I was heading for the 1st hole when I saw Becky looking really miserable, I know I shouldn’t have but I asked her if she would like to ride on the mower with me, with only one seat she had to sit on my lap, I had to hold on to her around her waist, the 1st fairways was cut and I was heading to the second, the unevenness of the ground had her bouncing on my lap and I was starting to feel aroused, this didn’t go un-noticed by Becky because she looked back over her shoulder and smiled, having mowed down one side I cut around the back of the green and started up the other side, “Andy, I need a wee” moving down towards the wooded area I told her to go behind a tree, she looked puzzled, “Were too far from the club house, so have a wee behind a tree” funny thing here was I now needed one, I saw Becky go one way and I headed another, I was just finishing when Becky came out from behind a tree near me, “Your thingy’s bigger than Paul’s” being taken by surprise I could only say “What”? “Your thingy is bigger than Paul’s” I naturally looked down at my cock, “Is it”? She nodded her head, “Can I touch it? Paul lets me touch his” “Doe’s he now, and who’s Paul”? “A lad in my school” looking at my cock again she asks once more “Can I touch it”? I should have said “NO” seeing she was only 12, but I just stood there with it in my hand, it had been over six months since I last had sex, Heather having had her fill was the normal mother again and there was no more sex there.
I thought I would scar he for life if I flatly refused, well that’s what I told myself, so I pulled my hand away, she smiled and stepped closer, her fingers were so soft and gentle as she closed them around my cock, “Paul likes me to wank him, would you like me to wank you” my lack of no answer told her she could, she was good at this, she ran her hand up the full length and down slowly, the foreskin peeled right back exposing my purple head, she giggled, with her steady wanking of me, I didn’t last more than three minutes before I was coming all over her hand and splashing the tree.
I had some tissues in my pocket and we used tem to clean ourselves up a little, I was pulling my trousers back up when she said “Paul like to play with my cunt after I’ve wanked him, do you want to do it”? until then I hadn’t given it any thought, but here she was offering to let me finger her, “If you like” I told her, this sort of throwing it back to her to decide, she reached under her skirt and pulled her knickers down, putting them in my pocket, she leaned against a tree and opened her legs, I slipped my hand up her skirt, I don’t know what I was expecting, I suppose I was expecting her to be like Heather and Julie, but she was so different, I couldn’t push my finger into her and wondered why, I lifted her skirt and could see she had only a little slit, “Paul always suck’s his fingers before he can get them in my cunt” I sucked my fingers to moisten them and returned to Becky’s pussy.
This helped and I managed to get a finger into her up to my second knuckle, I fingered her for a few minutes and she told me she was feeling funny, I had no idea if she could have an orgasm, but this was answered when my hand was covered in little girl’s juice’s. “Paul can’t do that” my radio buzzed, this reminded me what I should be doing and I returned to the mowing, Becky accompanying me, knowing her naked pussy was over my cock had me hard for the rest of the afternoon.
The head called asking where I was, 10th I told him “Good, the captain is just teeing off so you’ll be well out of the way” as I was starting the mower he called back, “I forgot, there’s a young girl, Becky somewhere on the course, she’s gone missing from the children’s area” “It’s all right she’s with me”, he was pleased to here this but I could tell he wasn’t very happy, I was expecting a bollocking later.
Finishing the mowing I returned to the compound, the head was in his office, I went to see what he wanted me to do next, “I want to thank you for looking after Becky, her parents are important people and are investing money in the club” I thought if they knew what I had done, they wouldn’t invest a penny and I would be up in front of the judge in a flash. For three days I didn’t see Becky, then she was waiting outside the club house as I was heading off down the bottom of the course, there was a ditch that needed cleaning out, “Can I come with you” I thought it best if I asked the head, he was fine with it, so I set off with Becky sitting on my lap, I let her steer the truck as I held her, we had gone part the way and no one was out yet so we were quite alone, she turned and looked at me, “I’ve got no knickers on” I sucked my fingers, she giggled and opened her legs wider, slipping my hand between her legs I was soon slipping a finger into her.
We got to the ditch and I made a start, Becky sat on the bank and pulled her skirt right up and opened her legs wide, she kept talking to me so I would have to look at her, she had a mischievous look. I stopped for a break, she cuddled up close to me, “Can I wank you off now”? my trousers were down my knees in a flash, she closed her hand around my cock, after a few strokes she said “Paul sometimes tries to put his thingy in my cunt, but he can’t, do you want to try”? She lay back, arms held out to me and legs wide, I knew if I had trouble fingering her I would have trouble fucking her with out more lubrication, so I knelt between her legs and kissed her pussy, she giggled and said it felt nice, I kissed, licked and sucked her little pussy for ten minutes, she came twice, I thought this would have her wet enough, laying between her legs I pushed the head between her lips, “Ow” “Does it hurt, shall I stop”? “No don’t stop. It was a surprise” I eased a little more into her, then paused so she could get used to the feel of a cock, “More please” I pushed and hit her hymen “It’s going to hurt now for a little” she screwed her face up ready for the pain, I pushed and she was no longer a virgin.
I took my time as I fucked her; she cuddled me tight and kept saying she loved me, Becky had only now lost her virginity but something in her told her what to do, as I pushed into her she pushed down with her hips, her pussy muscle squeezed and released constantly, as I slipped more into her, when I had all I could get in I started pulling back, her arms came around my back and she pulled me close, “Don’t come out” “I need to, but just a little” before my head came out, I stopped then slowly pushed forwards, she smiled, as I moved this way, she was so tight I had that tingling after only three minutes, I pushed up on my hands and looked into her beautiful eyes, “Do you want me to take my cock out when I come”? “NO” well that told me, a few more thrusts later and I cum, Becky sucked in her breath long and slow, her back came off the ground and she squealed, “It’s filling my belly” my short jabs eased and I leaned forwards and kissed her, “Am I your girlfriend now” I didn’t want to hear this or answer her, but she looked at me expecting an answer, I didn’t want to hurt her and risk having her parents know, so I told her she was, but for now she shouldn’t tell anyone, because they wouldn’t understand, as I lay beside her she cuddled up to me and asked “Why”? “I’m 15 and they would think it strange that I’ve a 12 year old girlfriend” she squeezed me, “I wont tell then” she was with me all morning, when I went up for lunch her parents were coming out of the club house, seeing them Becky jumped off my lap and skipped to them, her parents gave me a wavy, as did Becky, I waved back and put the mower away.
I had some work to finish in the children’s area and was busy when Becky’s mother came up to me, “Thanks for looking after Becky, I hope she wasn’t any trouble as she can be a right pest some time’s” “No she behaved herself” she left and I preyed Becky didn’t mention about being my girlfriend.
For the next year, twice a week Becky and I had sex, and she kept this from everyone, then she came one day and told me “Andy, I’m sorry, but I can’t be your girlfriend any more” I had to play being upset asking what I had done and what had brought this on. “John at school has asked me out and he’s the best catch in the class, so I can’t see you as well” “If your sure, I’ll be sorry to see you go. But I understand, I just hope he make’s you happy” “Oh he does, we went to the pictures the other night and he bought me a burger first, and ice cream and popcorn” and we touched while the film was on, then we went to the park and he fucked me like you, he’s not as big, but I can’t two time him” she gave me a hug and kiss and said he was waiting for her so she should be going. I was relieved and upset at the same time, relieved because I knew any time she could let it slip we were sexually active and I would be in trouble, and upset, because I was enjoying the sex with her and she had matured so much in the year.
Tony and I were still best mates and we started babe hunting in earnest, going to clubs, the pictures, even visiting the library and museum, six months later we were still looking. One night Tony phoned to tell me his cousins were coming to stay for a while, his Aunty was having an operation and needed a few months to get over this, so she couldn’t look after the family, Debora and Felicity would be here on the Saturday. Tony hadn’t seen them for some time so when they arrived he was as surprised as I was, they were stunners, they held themselves with such poise their hips swayed as the walked and their eyes, they were a deep blue, I could have drowned in them.
It was naturally down to Tony and I to show them around and look out for them, and so we were close to them, they were here for 9 months at least, the first month we were just friends, we had a great time, all our other friends were envious, and the girls, so jealous, of their looks and poise.
We were invited to a party, the girls were too, when we got there everyone thought we were couples, so the boys stayed away from Debora and Felicity, and the other girls stayed away from Tony and me. So we ended up dancing together, Debora with Tony and obviously Felicity with me. Things weren’t to bad until the slow dance’s came on, the girls could see Tony and I were a little unsure about dancing with them, so they took charge, Felicity cuddled up close and we rocked to the music, she felt so warm and it just seemed right having her in my arms. After that one dance she kissed me to thank me, Debora kissed Tony, then the girls disappeared up stairs, Tony told me he was starting to have feelings for his cousin, I told him I was too, “Do you think anything will come of this”? I looked at him, “You mean” “Yes”, “I don’t know” little did we know but the girls were having the same conversation in the bathroom, I think we all had come to the same conclusion, test the water and see what happened.
The girls came back down, we got them a drink and sat the next dance out, with another slow one starting they asked us to dance, holing me close Felicity asked if Tony had said anything about her sister, I asked in what way, “You know has he said he likes her more than a cousin” my smile told her he had, “That’s good because she like him a lot” I looked her in her eyes “What about you”? She teased me a little saying “I like him as a cousin” seeing my expression she kissed me and said “I like you a lot, do you like me”? I kissed her long and hard, coming up for air she dropped her head on my shoulder, “I’ve took my knickers off, so if you want you can finger my pussy” the room was only lit by small lights that only lit the area around them, we danced into a corner and continued swaying to the music, I slipped my hand down, taking her skirt I pulled it up, my hand came in contact with her pussy lips, she jumped, “No boy has done that before” she quickly added “Only me” I slipped my fingers up and down her pussy, she was moist already, “That feels so good” working a second one into her she took a deep breath, “Oh God, will your cock feel this good”? “I hope so” “In that case I can’t wait” she took my free hand and headed for the garden, it was October and around half seven, so it was dark outside.
We had no idea where we were going but we walked away from the house, reaching a summer house she tried the door, it was locked, “Fuck it” “I would rather fuck you” I smiled, “And you will” she saw there was a bench and made for it, “Sit down” I did, she unfastened my trousers and my cock sprang free, “Wow” straddling my legs she pulled her skirt up and sat down, I aimed my cock at her pussy, she didn’t hang about, she wanted my cock and got it in one move, “OH God, it’s better than your fingers” she moved her hips back and forth, my cock slipping in and out of her well lubricated pussy.
We were getting close when we heard someone coming our way, we stopped, worried as to who it was, we were relieved seeing Tony and Debora coming towards us, “I see you have the same idea” “Yeah” it didn’t take them long to get connected, I had to laugh to myself, here was my best friend and I fucking his cousins, much the same as we had fucked his mom.
As Felicity was riding my cock she was telling me to shove it p her and make her cum, to send my cum deep in her pussy and fill her belly, I could hear similar thing being said to Tony, the girls were rocking in unison and I was getting close, I looked to Tony and I knew by his look he was too, I held onto her ass cheeks and pulled her down hard and my cock exploded, she gasped, “Yes, Yes, Fill my belly make a baby in me, make me a mommy” I was shocked hearing this but I could stop from coming and hearing what she was saying only made me cum harder. Tony had cum and Debora just sat there with a look of contentment on her face.
We remained in that position until my cock slipped from her, Felicity stood up and took her knickers out of her purse and wiped her pussy with them, she kissed me, “That was so fantastic, I wish I had known how it was before, I’ve got some catching up to do now”, we returned to the party, no one had missed us. On our way home in the taxi we smooched and I managed to have a feel of her tit’s, arriving at Tony’s I was saying “Good Night when Heather came out saying she had phoned mom and if I wanted I could stay over, she looked at her watch “It is after midnight, so I think it would be best, don’t you”? I agreed and the four of us went into the lounge, Heather asked how the party was, the girls looked at each other, “The best we’ve been to” Tony and I didn’t need to answer.
The girls stretched and yawned saying they were tired, “Come on you two, get up to bed and leave these young ladies to get some sleep, we had been settled down for about ten minutes when the bedroom door opened a little, Andy, Tony are you awake, “Yes” “Good, our pussy’s need filling” the girls crept in and Debora climbed into bed with Tony and Felicity crawled into the sleeping bag with me.
I woke in the morning with Felicity cuddled up in my arms; I lay there looking at her wondering what she was dreaming about, just then Heather came in to wake us, seeing the girls with us she just smiled and closed the door, about twenty minutes later Felicity started waking up, “Andy, I didn’t mean what I said last night about catching up. I only want yours” For the rest of their stay I was over Tony’s more than my own house, we were sorry to see them go, but we promised to write. We did for the next three years, we met up with them again on a family holiday and Felicity told me she had been with one or two boys but none matched me, we rekindled our relationship and two year later we married.
One more chapter to come |
Title: 4th of July
Tags: True Story
Content:
That Hot, Wet, & Sensational 4th of July Evening
It was the 4th of July and I was camping with some of my best friend and her family. I have had a secret crush on her for quite some time now but didn’t know how to act on it considering that she is married. Although he is a major asshole and treats her like crap. What I wouldn’t give just to have her once. She is so beautiful and sexy. I know that she knows that I want her because of the comments that she makes that make me so horny.
This was going to be the hardest trip I have ever taken. We are on our way to the campsite out in Indiana and all I can do is think of what it would be like if it was just us. The things that I would do to that woman kept running through my head. I couldn’t help it but I happen to look down and realize that I was already hard just from thinking about it. We have finally arrived and started to unpack things. As we were setting up camp I couldn’t help but stare at her and that beautiful ass of hers. She just kept bending over, I swear that she was doing it on purpose. I can’t get these thoughts out of my head. Finally we had everything up and ready.
Unfortunately I was standing there with an erection that I hadn’t realized that you could see through my pants. She happened to turn around and smile at me when she looked down. God how was I ever going to get her. It seemed like so wrong but so right. Is it wrong to want to make a person feel good no matter what way it is. Another couple of hours has passed and the sun was starting to set. We needed to get fire wood for the fire. Some how we managed to be able to go and get the fire wood together. I didn’t know what was going to happen but I knew what I wanted to happen. We were walking around looking when suddenly I was being thrown up against a tree by her. She started to kiss me like I have never been kissed before. Her hands were all over me and I couldn’t control myself. I was already hard. (I don’t think that it ever went down from earlier) I felt her hand reaching down to my cock. She moaned when she felt how hard I was. At some point she managed to un zip my pants. I didn’t realize it until she had my cock in her hand and she was stroking it ever so gently.
I couldn’t believe that this was happening. I was so mesmerized by it that I couldn’t talk. It seemed like all my fantasies were cumming true. Could this be real I kept thinking. Am I dreaming? She got down on her knees and started kissing my stomach which made me get even harder. She saw my cock jump and went down even further and started sucking my cock. Talk about being on Cloud 69. I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. It was like all my fantasies were comming true all at once!!! God can she suck dick good. I was about ready to cum so I pulled her up and started to kiss her some more. I then took her and pushed her up against a tree and started kissing her more. As this was happening I started to unzip her pants. I couldn’t wait to get my mouth down there and eat out that hot pussy that I had been dreaming about for so long.
I could tell that she was already soaked but I was going to make her even more wet. I was going to fulfill her wildest desires. I finally got her pants down and started to kiss her ever so gently working my way down. She started to moan. I could feel her legs trembling but kept going. I started to eat her out and she moaned so loud that I am surprised that no one heard her. But I didn’t care, I just couldn’t believe that this was happening. I kept licking and eating making her cum so hard that my face was soaked. By now she was shaking even more which made me go in for more. She tasted so delicious that I just could stop. (I could eat her pussy all day long) She stood there and just let me eat away moaning more and more. Finally I came up for some air. You looked me in the eye and told me to fuck you. I turned you around
and bent her over and started to tease her with my cock, gradually sticking it in and out of her pussy. She was so wet and felt so good on my cock. I started to go in a little bit further with each thrust until I was all the way in. She moaned so loudly again that I was surprised no one heard. I started pumping her harder and faster. She was getting more wet by the sec. This was going to be hard not to want to cum. I just kept going not worrying about it. I had never had pussy this good before. It is true that older woman are more experienced and much better in bed.
Finally I had to pull out and I came all over the place. I don’t think that I have ever cum so much. We fell to the ground and were both shaking. After we caught our breath we got dressed and started to look for firewood. What was it that we were going to say to the others why we had been gone so long. I didn’t really care at that point I had just been sent to the end of the universe. That was the absolute craziest sex I had ever had in my life. It is such a shame that her husband doesn’t want her pussy any more. But that is OK because I will gladly take it any time she will let me.
Love ‘Bri’ |
Title: 4th of july weekend
Tags: True Story, First Time
Content:
...This is My first story!!!! :) ...
Me & My friend Jason met at work, we where both in serious relationships but still flirted back and fourth we even ‘''sexted’'' each other like everyday. He’s a super handsome 25 year old 6’3 white male with a 8 inch cock and eyes to die for. I am a 19 year old voluptuous Latina with light complexion 5’4 and a nice round ass.
It was fourth of July weekend and Both where mad at our Boyfriend & Girlfriend. We were discussing at work what we were doing that weekend and coincidentally where both stating in town. I took the initiative to ask him out for that day thinking he would probably say no and go with his Girlfriend but to my surprise he said he would love to and agreed to meet that day. Anyway…...
He picked me up from work and said he had booked us a room. I was kind of surprised but thought it would be nice to have some privacy. When we arrived he said I could take a small nap while he went and grabbed us some food and fireworks since I was working all day. While he was gone I couldn’t help to think how sexy he looked and wondered if he was a good lover.
After he came back and had dinner I told him I wanted to freshen up and went in to take a shower. As I was walking in the bathroom I looked back and gave him an “I want u smile” hoping he would come and join me. At this point we hadn’t ever kissed or fucked.
To my not so surprise he came in and told me “you’re so sexy” and kissed me passionately, He was grabbing my ass while I rubbed his head with my right hand and cock with my leg. It felt so right and I wanted more. We undressed each other and went into the shower, There we kissed some more and explored each others bodies with our hands. He lowered his hand to the entrance of my vagina and softly rubbed my clit It felt so good I moaned “'Aaaaaaaaaahhh”'
I dropped to my knees and teased his dick with my tongue his pre-cum was so yummy I started to jerk him off and slowly was putting his dick in my mouth inch by inch. Half way through my mouth he grabbed my head and shoved it in and out as hard as he could he was dick fucking my face and it felt so good. He moaned “You’re the best mamas Who’s your daddy” I was so turned on I begged for him to fuck me.
He stood me up and teased my clit with his huge hard cock, turns me around and teases my pussy entrance some more at this point I yelled “'FUCK ME BABY FUCK ME HARD!!'” He puts his 8 inch hard thick cock in my pussy and I give out a long moan..”'Mmmm'”
Inch by inch it was the best feeling in the world. He tells me “Your so tight baby you feel so good” and he grabs my hips and fucks me harder. I never felt so handled before in my life.
We went at it for a while but I didn’t want it to end there. Soaking wet we got out and I told him i wanted him to lick my pussy he laid me down on the bed spread my legs open and starting from my thighs he kissed me going closer and closer to my perfectly shaved pussy and spreads my lips and sucks me so good my first orgasm '“Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh yeahhhhh You’re my daddy!!!'” He slurps all my pussy juices and he tells me he wants to try anal sex.
I go on my hands and knees and he starts by putting one finger and puts some lubricant on the other to try two fingers i yell '"IT HURTSSSSS SOOOOOOO BAADDDDDDDDD''' and he goes gentle. He then softly pushes the tip of his cock in and slowly he gets it in.'''Mmmmmm feels so good''' he says. He forces himself in and goes all the way after having my tight warm booty hole wrapped around his hard yummy cock, he fucks me hard and i yell "Ooh baby Harderrrr Harderrrr" he proceeds and loosens me all up.
I start sucking his cock and sliding it up and down while jerking it off with my right hand I squeeze all his pre-cum and he lets out a sexy moan “Mmmm just like that baby” I keep going and he tells me he wants me to ride him. I go on top of him and slide my wet pussy into his hard vertical cock and rock him up and down he says “Mmmm it feels sooooooooo gooooooodd” He grabs my ass and pounds me harder and faster while he sucks my 38C breast that where bouncing up and down. It felt so good and I didn’t want it to end. It was the best fuck I ever had. Shortly after he said he was cumming so I got off and started to jerk and suck him off I said “Mmmm its so yummy” then came a load of warm sperm into my mouth and all over my breast.
We pulled an all nighter and didn’t even get to do our fireworks because the sex was sooo gooooood.
Since this day we continued to see eachother and this was the first of many Fucks we had. :).....
Again!! this was my first story so please don't mind the spelling if there are any errors, and let me know what you guys think please comment on this so I can get better and i will post more of my sexcapades:) Thanks so much for reading!!! :)..... |
Title: 4 - Senior Year
Tags: True Story, Blowjob, Cheating, Male / Older Female, Male/Female, Oral Sex
Content:
Note: As per my other stories, the character names are all changed on the off-chance that there is someone who recognizes any of the descriptions of living arrangements or furniture. If this is the first story of mine that you are reading, I have three stories before this - while the other three stories are not necessary to read, they do help to build up some backstory to where I was in my life at the time. Once again, while the verbal interaction may not be accurate, the physical interaction is to the best of my recollection.
---
Eleventh grade was incredibly non-descript. I did a lot of the same things I imagine most teenage boys did in the early 2000s in a big city – smoking pot, drinking when I could get my hands on alcohol, and just trying to get action wherever and whenever I could.
I was still carrying on my sexual relationship with Mrs. Curtis, one of the Phys. Ed. Teachers at my school, during the school year, and I have to admit that she was the best fuck I had probably had to that point. By the time I was seventeen and finishing eleventh grade, I had probably slept with around twenty or so different girls and women. I never really thought about why at the time, but thinking back, I have eventually understood that women talk, and the blessing in my pants was something a small number of experienced young women were after. None of them compared to my experiences with Mrs. Curtis, though, not even the threesome I had had with my best friend’s sister and one of her friends. I think a big part of it was the risk of getting caught – we almost always were going at it on school property somewhere, save for the odd time where we met in one of our cars.
Summer had approached entirely too quickly – I spent most of my three months off working for my dad, doing whatever needed to be done around the office. I was essentially the coffee bitch and ended up filling in as the secretary for a month after the one who worked there abruptly quit without reason.
I never was one to look forward to the first day of school, and this year was barely different. The allure of being a senior was moderately enticing, and getting to have a senior’s common area with couches and tables to hang out in before school and during spare periods was pretty relaxing. Other than that, though, I was really not looking forward to the promise of spending most of the nine months learning about stuff that wouldn’t even be relevant to my educational path beyond high school. Above all, however, I was least looking forward to going through another school year without a girlfriend. I had been with a few women multiple times, not really bouncing between women, but sticking with one for a few weeks or a month, and I was genuinely starting to feel like I was missing something.
Sex is always welcome in my life, but most of my guy friends had been going steady with someone for at least half a year at this point, and I was starting to feel like a bit of an extra wheel whenever we’d go places. We would have dinner for five or seven, and most of my guy friends were too busy most of the time. By the time September rolled around, I was feeling pre-emptively dejected about how I would fare as a senior.
As I parked across the street from school on orientation day, picking up my schedule and books, my heart jumped a few beats. There was Emily, my first girlfriend. The girl who had taken my virginity and shared most of my first experiences with the fairer sex.
“Oh my God, Rob!” she screamed as she ran up to me, hugging me tightly like she hadn’t been gone the last eighteen months.
I was at a complete loss for words. This was the girl who meant everything to me. This was the girl I first thought I loved, though in reality, she was just the first female to accept me into her bed, so that probably played a big part in those feelings.
“What are you doing here?” I finally managed to spit out.
“Nice to see you too, Rob,” she rolled her eyes at me. “I convinced my parents to let me finish school at home so I would have an easier time applying to universities. They agreed that it would also be nice if I could graduate with the friends I’ve had for most of my life.”
“I’m so happy to see you, you have no idea,” I was beaming at her.
“Look, I’m on my way home, but let me know if you want to get together,” she proposed.
“Is that ok with your parents? The last time your mom saw me…” I mumbled, remembering the awkward situation that led to Emily being taken out of school in tenth grade.
“Look, Rob, they know I’m turning eighteen in a few months, and they know they can’t stop me from being promiscuous. They really like you do, my dad always thought you were super polite and respectful. Part of the condition for me being allowed to be at school again is that I put school first, but they’re fine with me having a boyfriend – it’s probably better than me sleeping around.”
“I’d love to see you, then. I’ve really missed you, Emily… you have no idea how much.”
Grabbing my hand in hers, she began writing on it, “Here’s my new cell phone number. Text me later, and maybe you can come over for dinner tonight. I’ll try to smooth things out with my mom before you come over!”
I hug her again, and she lifts her head, kissing me lightly on the lips, before running off to catch up to Alexa, her ride home.
I went into the school and got my schedule, saying hello to some friends on the way and meeting a few of the new faculty members. I grabbed some pre-application forms for university, and made my way to the gym.
Knocking on the door, I poked my head inside to see Mrs. Curtis chatting with some student I didn’t recognize, as well as two older people I imagine where this girl’s parents.
“Oh and this my star athlete, Rob!” Mrs. Curtis said, with sarcasm that this family couldn’t detect.
“Hey, Mrs. Curtis, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll talk to you tomorrow or something,” I tell her, backing out of the room and apologizing to the family.
“No need, young man,” the father addressed me. “We need to get going as it is – Mrs. Curtis, it was nice to meet you, and I look forward to helping you with any lacrosse teams I can!”
“Thank you very much, Mr. Stevens. Have a great day!” She follows them to the door, closing it behind them. She clicks the lock shut, and slowly turns around biting her lip.
“Look, Mrs. Curtis, as much as I’d definitely love to right now, there’s a more important reason I came down to the gym. Emily is back in town, and is finishing school as a senior here.”
“Yes, I heard about that, Rob. Are you going to try to get back together?”
“I think she wants to – I just ran into her across the street, and... I don’t know, I just feel like this is something I should maybe not be doing if I have a steady girlfriend. Especially since you’re the reason she’s been gone.”
“I’m still sorry about that, Rob. I think it’s worked out pretty well for the both of us in the meantime, though. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Melanie, we both know that what goes on here is fucking incredible. That’s not my concern. I can’t be having sex with you if me and Emily get back together.”
“Are you back together yet?” she asked me, pulling at my cock through my trousers.
“Well, not technically, I guess, but today isn’t really a good day to be doing this sort of thing is it? There could be new students touring the building, or you may get called to go meet someone.”
“So you’re not technically dating again, yet. And judging by Mr. Hard in your pants, he doesn’t seem to think it makes a difference either way.”
“You can’t seriously expect me to keep fucking you the entire school year if I do end up having a serious girlfriend!”
“I don’t expect you to, Rob. Right now, though” she trailed off, dropping to her knees and unzipping my pants.
Grabbing her under the arms, I lifted her back up gazing down into her eyes.
“Mrs. Curtis. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, because what we’ve had has been better than anything else I’ve had, but I don’t think I can do this. I think I might actually have feelings for her, and I can’t just do something like this without feeling bad about it.”
Her hand snaked its way into my pants, circling my hard cock to the best of her ability.
“Look, Rob, I know things are going to have to change. But… maybe we could just have one last time? Right now. I need it, and you obviously need it,” she responds, once again dropping to her knees.
As my head enters her mouth, I look down at her, her eyes locked onto mine, fucking me with them as well as she’s fucking me with her mouth.
“This is the last time, then. You promise?” I ask her, not entirely sure if I even care as the suction feels heavenly.
“We’ll see,” she grins up at me, before taking my cock into her throat.
“Mrs. Curtis to the front desk please, Mrs. Curtis to the front desk.” She’s being paged over the PA system.
“Fucking timing,” she pouts after pulling my cock out of her mouth.
Pulling me by my cock behind her, she drops her pants and leans over the chair, picking up the phone. Looking at me, she tilts her head to ask what I’m waiting for.
Lining up my cock with her pussy, I slide it along, spreading some wetness to make sure it goes in smoothly.
“This is Mrs. Curtis – I’m kind of indisposed at the moment,” she says into the phone, looking back at me and licking her lips. “I realize you need me at the front desk, but I’m having – OW. As I was saying, I’m having some female issues and need a few minutes in my office to compose myself. I will be up as soon as I can, thank you!”
Looking back, she smacks my arm – retaliation for pinching her nipples through her shirt.
“You should probably be wearing a bra then,” I laugh, as I shove my cock into her now soaked pussy.
“Oh fuck, this is what I’ve been missing all summer,” she moans.
I gently ease myself in about halfway, allowing her to reorient herself to my size. Pulling her hair, I grab her neck, and bite hard on her ear.
“There’s no time for this Rob, just FUCK ME already,” she half yells.
I oblige, starting to pump in and out of her hot grasp, grabbing her arm behind her to get a better rhythm going. She squeezes my cock hard with her pussy, obviously meaning that I do really need to make this as fast as possible.
Being that I hadn’t had sex in a few weeks at this point, that was no problem. I fucked her hard and fast, and within five minutes, I was dumping my load in her, panting heavily and leaning on her as my cock kept pulsing.
“You never go soft do you?” she asked. “I wish we had more time, but you’re going to have to take care of that yourself, or just shove it back in your pants for now.”
Grabbing my chin, she pulls me towards herself, kissing me gently. Holding my still sticky cock in her hand, she looks me in the eyes and smiles, knowingly.
“If you get back together with Emily, I want you to know that you can still come visit me as often as you need, Rob. If she’s being a bitch, or not giving you any on the regular, and you need to cum, just come see me. I mean it. You can be as faithful as you want, but you’re seventeen still. You’ve been fucking pretty regularly, and you need to cum a lot from my experiences with you. So, if you ever feel the need, come visit. I’d spread these legs for you any time, sweety.”
With that, she pulled her pants up, but not before dipping a couple fingers in her pussy and bringing them out with both of our juices on them. Savoring the taste, she was still licking them after we had left the room and she was walking towards the stairs.
-------
Later that afternoon, I had texted Emily concerning that evening’s plan, and was told to come over to her house around seven for dinner with her family. I showed up with flowers for Emily’s mother, hoping to lessen the blow of seeing my face for the first time since our incident almost two years ago.
“Hello, Rob, nice to see you!” Emily’s mother greeted me somewhat enthusiastically.
“Hi, it’s very nice to see you. These are for you,” I handed her the flowers.
“Oh they’re beautiful! I’ll go put them in some water – come in, come in!”
Honestly. I felt a little uneasy about this hello. The last time Emily’s mom had seen me, her daughter had my cum on her, and I was still mostly hard, standing completely naked a few feet away from her.
“Hey Rob,” Emily squealed, bounding down the stairs towards me. Jumping into my arms, she hugged me tight for the second time that day. She looked up for a kiss, but I turned away, motioning that her parents were standing right behind her.
“That’s ok, Rob, we know you two haven’t seen each other in a long time.” Her dad was staring at me coldly, despite the approving words he had just offered.
Dinner was relatively uneventful – I was polite as always, and explained that I was excited about my senior year starting the next day. I was lying, but I felt that it would be encouraging for them to know that I was very interested in school, and looking forward to getting into a good university. In reality, I got on the honor roll every year, but I never really put any effort into school. I did homework and paid attention in class, and that sufficed most of the time.
After dinner, Emily and I were still sitting on the back deck, although we had moved a little closer together, and I had my arm around her. We were kissing, and generally just being civil – keeping it decent, just in case anyone came back outside or was watching from a window above – until Emily leaned over and grabbed my cock through my pants whispering how much she had missed it since she’d been gone.
“You know I haven’t even fucked since I’ve been gone, Rob?”
“How could I know that, babe?”
“I missed you both so much,” she giggled.
“I missed you too. I knew I did, but I didn’t really know how much until I saw your face earlier.”
“Aww, that’s so sweet. We’re gonna have such a great year together, I promise,” she cooed in my ear. “You better get going soon, though. It’s getting late for a school night, and I have to at least try to make a good effort for the first day.”
“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow then. It’s a date,” I winked to her.
Lying in bed that night, I couldn’t sleep. Normally the last night before school, I couldn’t sleep because I was dreading the hell that would be the next nine months of my life. This time, I couldn’t sleep because I was too busy grinning to nobody and thinking about how truly wonderful this year could end up being with Emily back in my life.
------
The next day, I woke up from just a couple hours of sleep, managing to find my way to school.
As I walked in the side door to the senior’s locker area, I got bear hugged off the ground from behind by my best friend Bill.
“Hey fucker, I heard Emily’s back in town! You gonna pick up where things left off?”
“I think we’re going to try and see how things go ya,” I laughed, as he carried me over to and threw me on the couch.
“What’s your schedule like, dude? Do we have any classes together?”
“Probably just music,” I replied, “unless you decided to stop taking sciences, or I decided to start taking them.
“Well engineering is going to be a bitch to get into, so I’m in if a course has AP available, I’m in it.”
“Have fun, man,” I responded. “I still don’t know why you want to be an engineer, but if you want to, good luck.
Bill had always been an athletic, good-looking guy. He was popular with the ladies, but also with teachers because he always made time from our goofing off to study and do exceedingly well in school.
“What are you doing after school?” Bill asked.
“I have that fucking band tryout.”
“We have to tryout for band now? I thought it was mandatory?”
“No, dude, the student rock band. They need a bassist because Kendra graduated last year,” I reminded him.
“Oh ya, I forgot you were doing that.”
I had started playing bass for fun in the spring of that year. I had always been musical, preferring it to the other fine arts at school, and was always the go to guy for the percussion section in our ensembles. I decided to start playing bass, and had practiced a fair amount – hopefully enough to get the part. My mentor had been nagging me towards the end of my junior year to get more involved at school in order to have more to put on my applications this year – student rock band was my first step.
I was putting my stuff away in my locker when a hand reached around me and covered my eyes. Spinning around, I grabbed the culprit and quickly saw that it was Emily. I pulled her in close and hugged her to me, which was the extent of what we were able to do in school. They had a very strict PDA rule, and a few of the older teachers made sure it was enforced to the nth degree.
“Are you ready for day one, babe?” She teased me.
“Of course, nothing would make my life more complete than another nine months of school,” I answered dully, as the first bell rang, warning us to get to class.
“I have law and history before lunch,” I told Emily, intending to tell her I’d see her during lunch.
“I do too!” She cut me off. “We should try to talk Mr. Halman into letting us go a few minutes early for lunch since it’s the first day back and we have such stressful lives we need to escape from,” she said as we walked towards our first class of the year.
------
As we walked out of class a few minutes before the lunch bell rang (Emily had worked her charms to get her way, as usual), Emily grabbed my hand and told me to meet her outside immediately so we could go get lunch before all the other people got out of class.
As I walked outside a minute later, her beauty floored me once again. She had taken off her dress shirt, and was wearing a super tight gray tank top with her kilt rolled up so you could see her panties clearly if she bent over.
“Let’s go, already,” she whined, wanting to get off the property as fast as possible.
As we climbed into my awesome minivan, I asked her where she wanted to eat, as there were a number of crappy fast food chains in the area, as well as a mall with a large food court only a few minutes away.
“Let’s go get street meat from the guy near the soccer field,” she told me.
Five minutes later, we pulled into the parking lot of the soccer field that our school leased for the autumn season. We ate our hot dogs, Emily seeming to scarf hers down like she hadn’t eaten in months.
Before I could even finish my hot dog, she grabbed my hand and pulled me back towards my van.
“Babe, I’m still eating,” I told her.
“Well finish up quick, because I have two years worth of horniness to get out of my system and we only have forty minutes until we need to get back to school,” she said, unbuckling my belt and fishing my flaccid member out.
As I finished my hot dog, Emily took off her tank top and unpinned her kilt, letting me see her beautiful figure. She had definitely gained a bit of weight in both of the right places, and was curvier than I remembered. Later she told me she’d finally broken a C cup, and was obviously proud about her curves.
I grabbed her blonde ponytail, and forced her to my quickly hardening cock. As I pulled my pants off, she had already managed to get me hard as a rock, and was fondling my balls at the same time.
She undid her bra and pulled off her panties all the while keeping me in her mouth, albeit sloppily.
“Babe, I hate to stop blowing you, because I think we’ve both missed my blowjobs, but I need you in me now,” she moaned.
I felt a momentary pang of guilt, remembering how she hadn’t had sex in nearly two years, while I was getting regular sex during the school year from the woman who had gotten her sent away in the first place, not to mention the twenty-odd other girls and women I had been inside since she had left.
Emily lay on her back in the middle of my van (I had removed the two bucket seats, so there was only two front seats and a back bench – a trick I had learned for those times when I drank too much and was not afforded the opportunity to sleep inside at whatever party we were at), beckoning me to her with her finger.
As I lay on top of her, and put the tip of my cock in, her long legs wrapped around me, urging me to fuck and fuck hard.
Emily had never been one for ‘making love’, so to speak – she was more interested in just having a good fuck since the first time we had done the deed. I had learned a few things since she’d been gone, however, and started to put them into practice, wondering where her objections might be, if they even existed.
As I drove my hard cock in and out of her incredibly tight pussy, I hunched over and grabbed her tit, biting her nipple hard, causing her to scream in ecstasy. She began to claw at my back, and probably would have drawn blood if I had taken my beater off.
After a few minutes of abusing her nipples, she asked me to fuck her from behind, which I was more than happy to do.
Getting on her knees, I got above her, with my legs in front of hers, and tilted my pelvis back to allow myself to hit against her G-Spot with every thrust. Her pussy walls were soon contracting as she came all over my cock, liquid dribbling out between us in the few spaces that existed.
Pinching her nipple, I grabbed her ponytail and pulled her back, causing her to arch backwards. Taking this opportunity, I bit her neck right above her collarbone, causing a second quick orgasm to erupt juices all over our legs.
“Holy fuck!” She wailed, feeling two years of sexual frustration quickly release during repeated climax.
As I was getting ready to shoot my load somewhere, she had her third orgasm.
“CUM IN ME!” She screamed at me, a departure from her usual preference of face or breasts – probably for the best since we had more classes in the afternoon.
Taking her cue, I unloaded what had to be a dozen strong shots of my semen into her throbbing, hot pussy. It felt like it as never going to end, and she was still quivering from her latest orgasm, as I continued to tease her nipples after my own orgasm had abated.
“Holy fuck, Rob, that was better than anything I remember in my life,” she gasped for air.
Leaning against the back bench seat, I grabbed a towel that was conveniently laying there, and started to wipe the sweat off my face and body.
Before I could wipe my cock off, Emily pushed my hand away, taking it in her mouth once more.
“Oh my God, we taste so good, babe,” she moaned.
In just seconds, I was rock hard again, and she was pushing the bench seat back, and straddling me.
“I don’t know if we have time for more, Emily,” I told her, glancing at my watch.
“I just need to cum once more,” she begged.
“So you want to cum again and I’ll just have a huge erection to hide in my pants for the next twenty minutes?” I laughed at her.
“Shut up and just do it, and I’ll make it up to you after school,” she said.
“I have band tryout after school,” I managed to get out before she clamped a hand over my mouth.
“We’ll figure it out, just fucking let me fuck you,” she yelled at me, getting a bit testy.
Only a couple minutes later, with me tweaking her nipples and slipping my middle finger into her asshole as she rode me, her pussy was contracting on my cock again.
Climbing off after a few minutes of recovery, she started to get dressed, apparently being quite serious that I would just have to worry about my own hard on for a bit.
Somewhat agitated, I managed to pull my pants up, my cock obviously showing throw them, hard as can be, and composed myself, hoping there would be some relief before I had to walk back into school.
As we arrived, there was no one in the yard or on the deck at the school, so we were more than likely late for our afternoon classes. Third class of the day and she already had one tardy – definitely not a good way to impress the parents, but oh well. I was confident she’d make up some bullshit excuse about getting stuck in a long line at Wendy’s or something.
Before we got to the side door, she quickly pulled me close, giving me a kiss and telling me she’d wait for me to finish my tryout so we could finish what I didn’t get to, which put a bit of a smile on my face, but did not help the fact that I was still incredibly hard. Because of the trousers we had to wear at school, as well as my size, it was exceedingly obvious that I had a massive erection.
Fortunately, the locker area and halls seemed empty as I walked in a couple minutes later.
Turning the corner to my locker, I had a sudden sense of dread, as I saw a few teachers standing in between my locker and myself. Trying to quietly walk past without rousing suspicion, one of the teachers noticed I was probably late for class.
“Tardy on the first day, Mr. Stenson, tsk tsk” he scolded me.
“Err… ya, I uhhh…” Lying was obviously not my thing, as I was more concerned with hiding the situation in my pants.
“Don’t worry, Mr. Edinct,” I heard a familiar voice say from out of sight, “I’ll deal with him.”
Mrs. Curtis got up from a chair that was facing the other way in the senior lounge area, and told me to get my books for the next class and that I would be there momentarily after she had a word with me after the merits of being on time.
“Just follow me to my office, and I will write up your tardiness and you can be on your way,” she told me, walking away before I even grabbed my books.
Grabbing my books, I jogged to catch up to her, my still hard penis pushing against the restraint of my pants. I knew this was not going to be a pleasant interaction. Walking into the gym office, Mrs. Curtis shut the door behind me.
Sitting down at her desk, she starts writing on a piece of paper. Looking up at me, she asks why I’m late.
“I lost track of time is all. I was out for lunch,” I explain.
“It must have been a very exciting lunch,” Mrs. Curtis laughed.
“Pardon me?”
“You’re hard as a rock, and the way Emily looked when she walked in, you two probably spent the whole time fucking!”
“Well… uhhhh,” I stammered, unsure of what to say.
“It’s ok, I understand you young people, especially with what she gets to use,” she says, a twinkle in her eye as she stares at my groin. “I just can’t believe you’re still hard – you last longer than even I know, apparently.”
“Well she didn’t quite let me finish because we were going to be way late,” I managed to find my voice again.
“She left you all hard with nothing to do?”
“Well, we did fuck, and I came, but she started again, and came, and then we had to get back to school,” I described the last fifteen minutes.
“It’s a shame to let a nice hard cock go to waste… why don’t you come over here, Rob, and let me help you? The offer still stands, of course.”
“I don’t think that’s a great idea. Is it ok if you just write that tardy slip and I’ll get to class?”
“That’s fine with me. You don’t need a tardy slip, though. I’ll just explain that you were helping me do something and I needed you to stay a bit late. It’s going to be awfully embarrassing walking into your class with that tent in your pants, though,” she laughed at me.
“Well if it’s alright, maybe we can wait here for a couple minutes until things subside?”
“If you think you can stop from staying hard in here, be my guest,” she says as she leans back in her chair and spreads her legs, rubbing her hand on her pussy through her pants. “Don’t mind me, Rob. I can wait for a while,” she says slipping her hand inside her pants.
“Oh fuck,” I whisper to myself, realizing what’s about to happen.
After a minute passes, she asks if I’m ready to go, obviously phrasing the double entendre.
Closing her eyes, she starts to moan softly, and my cock starts to hurt from the pressure of the pants as well as the need to cum. Conceding defeat, I pull my cock out and start to stroke it.
Mrs. Curtis opens her eyes and wheels the chair over, taking the tip in her mouth – one day with my girlfriend again and I’m already the worst boyfriend on Earth.
“Mmmm,” she moans over my cock. “She tastes good, Rob,” she grins at me. “I don’t think we have time to really get into this, so let me just take care of you quickly, sweety,” she says and quickly devours my cock.
Moments later, I was cumming for the second time in the last half hour, and feeling guilty.
The rest of the afternoon was pretty boring, but my audition for the bass player in the student rock band went great, and I ended up getting the part on the spot. As I walked out of the audition, I headed to my locker to grab my bag, and to look for Emily, as she was probably expecting a ride home. It took me ten minutes, but I finally tracked her down in the library, doing some homework while she waited.
As we got into the van, she leaned over, and started to rub my cock through my pants, which I quickly stopped.
“I’m not feeling too well, Em – I think that street meat isn’t sitting very well with me,” I told her, which was a lie. I was still a little irritated with what had happened during our lunchtime tryst, as well as mad at myself for allowing Mrs. Curtis to manipulate me so easily. “I’m just gonna drop you off and head home, if that’s ok?”
“Of course, babe, I hope you feel better. I feel fine though, so maybe you’re just unlucky.”
“Must be something like that, ya,” I muttered, as I concentrated on navigating the rush-hour traffic.
One day in, and I could already tell that this year would be just as long as any other.
------
Author Note: If I get positive comments I'll consider continuing to write about my adventures in sex. This is not to force people to vote positive and leave good comments, but I'm not going to keep spending my time doing it if people aren't enjoying them. Also, I realize it's been like 2 or 3 years or something since my last story, and I apologize - life has been messy for a while now. |
Title: 4 Best Friends ~ Part 1 ~ Nathan's Plan
Tags: Fantasy, Blowjob, Boy / Boy, First Time, Masturbation
Content:
This was my first attempt
at writing one of these...
Enjoy
---
Nathan, Connor, Chris, and Ben all went to North Eaton High School. They were in 9th grade but had all been best friends since pre-school. Recently, Nathan started having fantasies about fucking his long-time friends. He didn't want to do anything about it because he didn't want to ruin their friendships, he started thinking that maybe they were in the same position as him, but how could he ask them without coming off as extremely gay? One day after school, Nathan walked home, went into his room, locked the door behind him and started to jack off. He started thinking about fucking his friends and started moaning, he imagined having them suck his dick and eventually he jizzed all over his bed. He knew then that he had to find out if they felt the same way as him. He came up with a plan and he was gonna put it into action, for now he was tired and flopped down into bed. Little did he know, that Connor, Chris, and Ben had all walked home, went into their rooms, locked the door behind them and started fapping to the thought of each other until they came.
The next day at school, they were all in homeroom. Nathan decided to go ahead with his plan. "Hey Guys" Nathan whispered to his friends who were in the 3 adjacent desks next to him. "Sleepover, my house, 6 pm" Nathan had said this many times, they all had, they probably slept at each others houses more than they slept in their own. Patiently, Nathan waited for their answers. One by one, they all gave him a thumbs up. A huge weight was lifted of his shoulders, the first part of his plan was finished. Suddenly Mrs. Granger walked over and said wondering what all the thumbs were about asked "Is everything alright Nathan?" looking rather annoyed. "Yes, Mrs. Granger, everything is perfect."
They all arrived around 6, and since Nathan's parents weren't home. They crancked some music so high the neighbors went out for the night. They did what all teenage boys did at sleepovers, stat up all night playing Call of Duty. While they were playing they started talking and one thing led to another and soon enough they were talking about girls. Sure enough none of them were gay, just bisexual. So they started talking about how nice Judy Johnsons tits were. Nathan's plan wasn't working. He turned of the PS3 and was immediately called an array of nasty things. After a minute of that, he asked them they wanted to play poker. They all agreed, but Nathan didnt know what to do next, this wasn't going in the right direction. Until, Chris piped up, "Who wants to make things interesting?" Intrigued, we all said "How?" at the same time. "Two Words, Strip Poker" he said with the biggest smile on his face. Ben spent no time thinking and blurted out "Eww, No, are you gay?" although secretly he wanted Chris' cock in his mouth. "No, but I saw some people playing it on YouTube, looks like fun." After a while Nathan said "Uh, Alright, but not too dirty" secretly hoping it got very dirty. Ben and Connor eventually agreed because they didn't want to be left out.
Around an hour into playing, Nathan only had his shorts, and socks left. Chris was still fully dressed. Ben was in just Shorts, and he kept re-assuring them he was wearing something underneath. Connor was in the middle of taking of his sweats. He was aready shirtless, showing off his six-pack. That gave Nathan a huge boner and he knew if he had to take of his shorts it would be the end of him. Connor slowly taking off his pants, getting a lot of yelling and encouragement from Ben, and Chris. Nathan was just trying to control his boner. Connor was now 1 article of clothing away from being naked. A couple of minutes later, it was Ben's turn to shed his shorts. As soon as he did, it revealed a small half-boner. Chris, noticing, remarked "I didn't think this game was that exciting." Chino, looking embarrassed, sat down again. Connor spoke up, "Don't worry, we'll get to see Chris' pussy in no time."
In the next few minutes, everyone was reduced to just boxers, all with half-hard dicks, they were all itching to just whip their dicks out and start fapping, but they held out a little longer. "Alright, first person to go out, gets to get his dick sucked by whoever he wants." Nathan said, hoping nobody would argue. The room went silent. "I'll take that as a yes." Nobody argued, all hoping they would go out next hand. But, it was Connor that eventually went out. "SUCK MY DICK BITCHES!" He said putting down his final card. He turned to Nathan and said, "Alright, get on your knees." Nathan knew he had to, he was the one who suggested it. Though, to seem like he didn't want to, he said "Your, not really gonna make me do this are you?" Connor just smiled and stood up. Chris and Ben started massaging their dicks in anticipation. Nathan walked over got down on his knees, he slid Connors boxers to the floor and out popped out his 5 inch cock. Nathan heard a gasp from behind him, he knew it was Chris and Ben who both now had their hands in their pants stroking their cocks. Nathan grabbed Connors dick and started giving him a handjob to harden him up, after a while, he grew to 7 inches. "Let's go already!" Chris and Ben said together, now both fapping vigorously. He put his lips on Connors tip, and immediately felt his own dick stand up. He put the whole thing in his mouth, he gagged at first but he adjusted quickly, before he knew it he was pumping Connors cock in and out of his mouth. Connor started to thrust his hips in rhythm with Nathans sucking. Before long Nathan could taste Pre-Cum filling his mouth. He started going faster and harder until he heard Connor scream "Oh, Shit!" and suddenly his mouth was filled with his sweet juicy cum. He pulled away just in time to see Ben and Chris both hit their climax. He looked up at Connor with cum dripping out of his mouth. They both wanted more.
Connor told Nathan to stand up, as soon as he did, he grabbed Nathan, turned him around and pushed him against the wall. He pulled his boxers down, pulled his ass toward him and inserted his 7 inch cock in his ass. Nathan was screaming in pain, but it was a good pain. His hands were pressed up against the wall, his ass sticking out behind him, he could feel Connors balls slapping him with every thrust. Connor started going faster and faster until Nathan started moving in the same motion. "YES, FUCK ME! FUCK ME HARDER! !" he screamed in an absolute blindness of pleasure. He got wanted as Connor started going harder and faster, Nathan could feel tears coming out of his eyes. Then he slowed down and pulled out, he could feel cum in his ass, he knew Connor had hit another orgasm. They looked at each other, then they looked at Ben and Chris who were now 69ing in the corner. They laughed and then they looked at each other again, Connor pushed Nathan to the ground and pulled his legs open, and put Nathans 8 inch erect cock in his mouth, this was not Connors first time, and Nathan had been holding for awhile. It didn't take long for him to blow. He grabbed Connors head and pulled it closer almost choking him. All of his 8 inches were in his mouth. Nathan let out a huge moan and then went into pure ecstasy. Connor finally broke his grip and was now laying on the floor gasping for breath. He was licking the cum out of his mouth when Nathan said "Stop!" then he went over to Connor, bent over him, the erect cocks touching and moved his face towards Connors and they stared at each other for a brief moment then they started kissing, it was the best thing ever. He could taste his own cum, he could hear Connor whispering to him and he could feel both of their cocks getting harder. They rolled over, Connor stroked Nathans cock a few times then winked. He rolled off him and they were laying next to each other, looking up at the ceiling, thinking about the nights events. They heard Ben and Chris walk over and lay down beside them, they didnt move their heads, they were lost in a daze. Chris said quietly, "Best sleepover ever." Then one by one, they all gave a thumbs up of approval. Nathan smiled, his plan had worked. Soon, all of them fell asleep. Thinking about what would be awaiting them in the morning.
---
Hope you liked it!
More to come. |
Title: 4 Curious College Girls: Ch.1 Wild Tongues
Tags: Fiction, Exhibitionism, Lesbian, Masturbation, Teen Female Solo, Teen Female/Teen Female, Toys
Introduction:
the first chapter in this collaboration
Content:
4 Curious College Girls
By John Morrison
Creator of “The Adventures of John and Holly”
Chapter 1: Wild Tongues
October, Freshman Year
“Did you see Cynthia today?” Alex asked Taylor, as they sat watching TV in the middle of the night.
“Yeah why,” Taylor said, laughing at the TV. She sat on an arm chair, wearing a white T-shirt, and blue jeans.
“She acted strange when I saw her earlier,” Alex said, sitting in her nightgown. “I just wondered if there was something going on,” Alex said.
“I’m sure she was fine. You know Cynthia, she is always worried about something,” Taylor smiled, looking over to Alex.
“I don’t know…and I thought I saw Julie go into the bathroom when Cynthia was in there…” Alex said.
“You think they’re lesbians?” Taylor asked, laughing.
“I think I’m going to bed, it’s pretty late,” Alex said, slowly standing up.
“I’ll go soon, I wanna finish this movie.” She smiled, looking at Alex, then back to the TV.
Alex quickly walked into her room, quietly shutting the door. She opened her drawer, picking up several layers of items, and grabbed a vibrator from the back of the drawer. She hopped up to the top bunk, quickly getting under her covers. In the dark, Alex settled into bed, her long hair laid out on her pillows, her short skinny frame taking up very little of the bed. She closed her eyes, pushing the small vibrator under the covers and under her nightgown. The mechanical buzzing seemed dangerously loud, worrying Alex, not wanting to get caught pink handed. She pictured her favorite dream guy, going through positions and different acts quickly, the small toy pressing against her clit. Her other hand was massaging her lips below the toy, trying to cum as quickly as possible. She was moaning softly and rhythmically, her back arching steadily.
Taylor yawed on the couch, very tired from a tough day in the gym. She stood up, and turned the TV off. She headed to her bedroom door, eyes half shut. When she reached the door, she thought she heard a buzzing sound. Not wanting to wake Alex up, she opened the door slowly and quietly.
Alex heard the door open. She turned the vibrator off, and played dead, hoping she hadn’t been caught.
“Alex, are you awake?” Taylor asked, looking at the top bunk in the dark room.
“Yeah,” Alex replied softly, her hands and toy still in her crotch, not wanting to move an inch. Then Taylor turned the lights on.
Taylor saw Alex in a weird position. Taylor smirked, knowing what was going on, “What are you doing? What was that buzzing?”
“What buzzing?” Alex said, trying to play it off. Taylor looked at her, still smirking. “Fine! I was masturbating,” Alex said bluntly.
Taylor giggled, looking at her. “Don’t be embarrassed, it’s ok. I hear you almost every night anyways.” Taylor smiled, walking closer to her.
“You knew all this time?” Alex asked, sitting up now.
“Yeah,” Taylor said, making it sound obvious.
“Then why did you make me sneak around all this time?” Alex asked.
“Well, would me saying ‘I heard you masturbate last night’ sound like a normal thing to say?” she laughed a bit.
“Since when are you normal?” Alex quipped.
“Hey, don’t get pissy at me cause I caught you,” Taylor said, looking in her eyes.
“I’m not being pissy, I just mean that I kept doing it quietly, and you knew the whole time,” Alex said, now gesturing with her hands, which brought her little toy into plain sight.
“Well, I guess I just…hey! Is that my vibrator!?” Taylor asked, furiously, walking forward and grabbing the toy from Alex’s hand.
“No,” Alex said, the wet toy now in Taylor’s possession.
Taylor blushed now, realizing the difference now. “Oh, sorry!”
“If you lick that, I swear to god,” Alex said, knowing the bi-curious tendencies of Taylor.
Taylor grinned, “Oh, and what if I do?” she looked at Alex, raising the vibrator to her lips.
“I don’t lick your vibrator,” Alex said in a disgusted voice.
Taylor laughed, “But this one is coated in something sweet,” She looked back at her.
Alex jumped out of bed, going to take her slippery vibrator back. “Give me that,” Alex said, holding her hand out.
Taylor giggled, as she saw Alex run at her. Her long dark brown hair flew behind her, as her beautiful brown eyes were filled with anger. Her nice B cup breasts bounced slightly as she ran to her, and her nightgown was wet down there. Taylor smiled, and backed up, licking the vibrator’s shaft.
Alex kept moving toward Taylor until she was backed up against the dresser, still smirking. She tried to grab the vibrator but couldn’t get a hold of the slippery plastic, and Taylor moved aside and around the attacking Alex. Alex walked towards Taylor again, Taylor backed up all the way back to her bed.
Taylor giggled, as she tripped, and fell on her bed, still licking the vibrator. “Mmmm, it tastes SOOO good Alex.” She watched her come at her, as she knew now she was trapped on her bed.
Alex was ready to pounce, and jump onto Taylor’s bed, but Taylor did something unexpected. Taylor held the vibrator in her mouth with her teeth, her hands going down to pull up her shirt. Taylor tossed her shirt at Alex, laughing as she did it. Taylor is around 5 foot 7, with large C cup breasts, that were constrained by her white bra. She had blonde hair that was just less than shoulder length, and these piercing blue eyes that showed she was quite happy with herself at the moment.
The shirt flew into Alex’s face.
“You can’t just attack me, it would be too lesbian for you,” Taylor smirked.
Alex stood there, her face covered with a light sweat. It radiated a soft red. “You little bitch…just give it back.” She frowned at her.
“Make me,” Taylor said, pushing the vibrator just inside the top of her jeans, slowly descending toward her special area, provoking Alex.
Alex lunged at Taylor, pushing her down on her bed. Taylor laughed as Alex angrily grabbed for the vibrator, ending up with her hand in Taylor’s crotch.
Taylor smiled at her. “Hmm, what do you think you are doing?” she giggled, pulling the vibrator out, licking the head.
Alex noticed that the quick wrestling match had popped Taylor’s breasts out of her bra. Alex started laughing out loud, laying back on the bed giggling.
Taylor did too, her bra laying under her breasts, unclasped. She smiled, and threw it to the side. Taylor watched her laughing. She looked under her night gown, and noticed that she had no panties on, revealing her hairy pussy. This got her a little wet.
“I’m not the only one flapping in the breeze,” Taylor said laughing as hard as Alex. Alex heard the comment, and quickly understood that she was exposing herself to Taylor. Alex laughed even harder, rolling onto her side on the bed, laughing uncontrollably.
Taylor’s face was bright red from all this laughing. She dropped the vibrator to the side, and closed her eyes, holding her stomach, laughing so hard. “Oh god girl, I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time.” She smiled, laughing still.
Alex was laying on her side, laughing and looking into Taylor’s eyes. The laughing slowly went away, leaving silence and two exposed girls.
Taylor was just left with a big smile. Soon, that went away also. “Hey, Alex…what were you thinking of, when you were masturbating?” Taylor asked, looking into her eyes still.
“This guy in my Psych class,” Alex said quietly.
She smiled, “What does he look like?”
“I don’t know, he’s not spectacular or anything…what do you think about?” Alex asked.
She smiled, “Eh, nothing really, I kinda just do it.” She lied, not wanting to say.
“Oh come on, there has to be something,” Alex persisted.
Taylor blushed wildly, as she looked away from her. “You….” She mumbled, very softly.
“Really?” Alex asked, sounding interested. “I have tried thinking about girls, but it’s never as good as when I imagine a guy.”
Taylor looked back at her, confused, “You aren’t grossed out or anything?” she asked.
“Do you just think about me, or do you imagine other girls too?” Alex asked, sitting up, very interested in the topic.
“I uh…have thought about you, Cynthia, and Julie…but mostly, just you…” she blushed still.
“God, that must be frustrating. You have all that sexual energy when you are masturbating, and the object of lust is two feet away, but off limits…” Alex said, trailing off. “I thought about you once.”
Taylor’s eyes opened wide, “Really?!” she let out, happy, “tell me about it.” She said more forcefully than asking.
“Well…I was fantasizing about this guy, but it just wasn’t doing it for me, so I imagined that you walked in on us. So then, while he was still fucking me, you undressed, and came over, and you sat down on my face, and I was licking your pussy. After a while, the guy just kind of disappeared and it was just you and I in a sixty-nine,” Alex said, blushing.
Taylor smiled brightly at this, blushing a bit. Her pussy was on fire now. “Oh god Alex, that is so hot.” She smiled, looking at her exposed pussy. Her hand crept slowly to her own crotch.
Alex watched Taylor intently, seeing the arousal and desire in her. “Have you ever been with a girl?” Alex asked.
Taylor grinned, “Yes, I have. A couple actually, when I was younger. And I even kissed Julie the other day.” She smiled, looking at Alex, fire in her eyes and pants.
Alex trembled. “Do…do you want to kiss me?” She asked, knowing the answer.
Instead of answering, Taylor leaned into her face, kissing her lips lightly. Their lips opened, and they very slowly started to explore each other’s lips and tongue. The kiss ended quickly, Alex sitting back. Alex blushed, breathing faster, staring at Taylor for a minute, in a completely different way than before.
Taylor smiled at her best friend, and licked her lips slowly. “Was that your first lesbian kiss?”
Alex was smoldering, her mind on another level, her body completely awakened. The question lingered in the air for a while. Alex lunged forward, pushing Taylor back until she was on top of her. Alex immediately started kissing her passionately, her hands quickly moving all over Taylor.
Taylor smiled, kissing back with the same passion, if anything more. She rubbed her hands all over Alex’s back. She lowered them, finding her ass. She squeezed this lovingly, as she thrusted her tongue into her friend’s mouth.
Alex rubbed her hands on Taylor’s large breasts, making out with her. She felt Taylor’s hands move from her ass up to grab the bottom of her night gown and lifting it up. Alex raised her arms, letting Taylor take the night gown off.
Soon Alex’s naked body was visible to the world around her. Her body glistened in a light sweat. She continued rubbing Taylor’s breasts, pinching her nipples. Taylor sucked on her tongue lightly, as Alex unbuttoned Taylor’s pants, pulling them down to her knees.
Taylor reached around Alex’s firm ass, and pushed her index finger into Alex’s dripping pussy. She slowly pushed her finger in and out, as Alex continued to feel her up.
Taylor used her legs to push her jeans the rest of the way off. Alex soon felt a second finger penetrate her pussy lips, “Oh god Taylor, I love you so much!” Alex moaned out, breaking away from Taylor’s lips. Taylor didn’t respond, as she went back to kissing her.
Alex put one hand down into Taylor’s panties, forcing her way down. Their lip lock continued, as Alex pushed a finger against Taylor’s engorged clit, rubbing her roughly. Taylor showed the effects immediately.
Taylor’s hips humped against her finger, as she moaned out loud. Alex smiled at her, shutting her up with a kiss. After a minute of kissing, Alex slipped her panties off.
Alex removed her mouth from Taylor’s, kissing slowly down her neck, lingering on her breasts, and heading further south. Taylor could no longer reach Alex’s pussy, and she brought her two wet fingers up to her mouth, sucking Alex’s juices off of them, as she stared into Alex’s eyes.
Alex slinked further down, as she reached her trimmed pussy. Alex smiled at it, and kissed it slowly and softly. A low moan escaped Taylor’s Lips. “Oh god Alex, don’t tease me!” she said loudly. Alex grinned, and rubbed her clit with her index finger.
“I’ve always wanted to do this,” Alex said, grinning at Taylor. Then she looked back down at the wet slit before her. Alex’s tongue descended slowly until it reached Taylor’s lips. Alex slowly licked Taylor’s lips until she reached her clit.
Taylor grabbed her own tits, squeezing them hard. “Oh god Alex, please fuck me with your tongue!” Alex smiled, and then began to suck on her clit, nibbling it softly. Taylor’s hips humped into Alex’s face.
Alex moved down, her lips engaging Taylor’s lips, as she pressed her tongue between them and inside her. Alex felt Taylor’s hands on the back of her head, not pushing, but as if she didn’t want to let her go. Alex pushed her index finger inside of Taylor as she continued to eat her.
Taylor wrapped her legs around her head, thrusting her hips harder into her face, “Oh god Alex, yes oh god!!” she screamed out, as she reached her climax, cumming all over her face.
Alex giggled, her mouth still pressed against Taylor’s pussy, as she climaxed. She gave her pussy a quick goodbye kiss and sat upright. “That was fun!” Alex said, with a beaming smile.
Taylor was breathing very heavily, her head resting on a pillow, her eyes shut. Once she calmed down, she said, “Now it is your turn.” |
Title: 4 Curious college Girls: Ch4 Take It As It Comes
Tags: Fiction, Exhibitionism, Female exhibitionist, Lesbian, Oral Sex, Teen Female/Teen Female
Introduction:
Chapter 4
Content:
Chapter 4: Take It as It Cums
Julie and Cynthia, still wet from the ‘shower’ they shared, walked into the living room, wearing nothing but towels. They were surprised to see Alex and Taylor sitting on the couch. They desperately hoped that the other two girls had not heard the noises they had been making a few minutes before. “Hey,” Julie said to Alex and Taylor.
Both of the girls looked at Cynthia and Julie, grinning widely. “Why hello there you two,” Taylor said, “did you have fun?” This instantly caused both Cynthia and Julie to blush. Their faces were lit with red, as they looked down at the floor.
“What do you mean?” Cynthia said, trying to play innocent, but failing.
“I think you know,” Taylor said, with that knowing smirk that told them they had been caught.
Cynthia and Julie stood their, not knowing what to say. Their hair still dripped, as they looked anywhere but at Taylor and Alex. Alex giggled softly, from seeing how embarrassed they were.
“Okay…you got us,” Julie said, smiling at Taylor, staring her down.
“What?” Taylor said, as Julie kept staring at her.
“Did you guys have fun a few minutes ago?” Julie said, the two groups swapped expressions, the caught now doing the catching.
“What do you mean?” Taylor asked sarcastically, not trying to play innocent like Cynthia and Julie had.
Cynthia looked up at Taylor, and said, “Well, I can say it has to do with the numbers 6 and 9,” Taylor and Cynthia started laughing. Alex and Taylor looked at each other, and then at the floor.
Cynthia and Julie went and sat down on the love seat by the couch. “So, I guess we all have some explaining to do,” Alex said, wearing just the nightgown she had hastily thrown on earlier.
Cynthia and Julie looked at each other, then at the two other girls. “Well,” Julie started, “Cynthia and I, just…fell into it. I mean, we were sitting here, and the next thing we knew, we were kissing. Then we decided to jump in the shower together. How about you two?”
“She stole my vibrator from me,” Alex said, “while I was using it.”
Cynthia and Julie started giggling. “That’s a good move, I should have tried that earlier,” Julie said, looking at Cynthia.
Cynthia looked at the floor, blushing madly, “You can hear me?” Cynthia asked, not looking up.
“Hun, you sound like the Fourth of July every night,” Julie said, laughing out loud. Cynthia blushed deeper, but then started giggling.
“Well, I guess fireworks is a good description,” Cynthia said, smiling to the other three.
They all laughed at her comment. But soon, the laughing died out, and everything was silent. “So, what do we do now?” Taylor asked, looking around.
“Well, I don’t think I’m a lesbian,” Cynthia said, “I think this is just a playful kind of thing, nothing too serious.”
“That doesn’t sound like a compliment,” Julie said, looking at Cynthia.
Cynthia blushed, “Okay, it was wonderful, you were great, but I don’t think I want to marry you or anything,” she clarified.
Julie smiled at Cynthia’s comment on her oral sex. She looked around, and then Alex was next to speak up, “Yeah, Taylor, you were so amazing in there, but I am not ready for a relationship either…” she said, not wanting Taylor to be upset.
“With as much pussy eating that’s been going on today, I don’t think any of us can claim straighthood,” Taylor said.
“Yeah, I’m not so sure you can both say you are not at least a little lesbian,” Julie said to Alex and Cynthia.
Cynthia looked at Julie, “I am definitely not gay…I just think it was a bit of fun.”
“Yeah,” Alex agreed, “it was just something to do, and probably never will happen again.”
“Right,” Taylor said sarcastically. “How can you say that ten minutes after you are eating and being eaten by a girl?”
“It was just…I was caught up in the moment,” Alex said.
Julie looked at both Cynthia and Alex. Julie stood up, and then untied her towel, letting it fall to her sides, her huge D cup breasts way out in the open. She sat down, naked, her nipples rock hard, and her body still glistening a bit from the water. “Now tell me this doesn’t turn you on,” Julie giggled to herself.
“Yeah, tell me that doesn’t get you a little wet,” Taylor said smiling, and really checking out Julie’s naked body.
Julie looked at Taylor, and noticed she was really checking her out. This made her blush a little bit, and got her a little wet. Julie stood up, and started twirling around, showing her backside. She began rubbing her breasts together, “Mmm, you know you want these,” Julie said, looking at the two.
Alex and Cynthia sat silently, neither moving or saying anything. Julie jumped up and down a few times, letting her large tits bounce wonderfully, as she laughed. “I know I’m wet,” Taylor said, her hand noticeably rubbing between her legs on the outside of her pants.
Alex and Cynthia looked at Taylor, seeing her actions. “This is stupid,” said Cynthia, as she got up, “I’m going to bed...” Cynthia headed away. Taylor got up also, grabbing Cynthia, “Come on baby, stick around for a while.” Cynthia tried to get away, but Taylor accidentally hooked her thumb into Cynthia’s towel. Cynthia’s towel fell to the ground, as she stood there, completely nude.
Cynthia almost didn’t care that she was naked, turning around back toward the others. “I’m going to bed, we’ll talk about this later,” She said. Taylor quickly advanced toward naked Julie, and they kissed, more as a show for the other two. Their hands groped all over each other’s body. After a few moments, Taylor looked back at Cynthia. She was still standing there naked, watching them.
“Why aren’t you being open minded about this,” Julie said to Cynthia, “I mean, look I can tell you are wet.”
Cynthia looked down at her own pussy, and noticed it was a bit wet. “Look, I just really think that it was just something to do for fun. I’m not getting into any kind of gay relationship,” Cynthia said.
“Were not saying you want a relationship,” Julie said, “just that you are attracted to girls, which you clearly are,” Julie gestured toward Cynthia’s wet shaved pussy.
“I like guys, I want kids, I don’t want to date any girl,” Alex said, “but I can’t deny that this turns me on…” Alex looked over to Cynthia, knowing Cynthia felt the same way.
Cynthia looked back at Alex, and then said, “I guess Alex is right…I feel the same way.” She then sat back down, and looked at the floor.
“Glad you two finally admitted it,” Julie said smiling. “Now, the question is what do we do about it.”
“I wouldn’t mind having some fun now and then,” Alex said.
Cynthia looked at Alex, and then said, “Personally, I think it was a one time thing…I can’t see myself doing that again.”
“Why not?” Julie asked, “you know it feels so good. If it’s all for fun, and no strings attached, then what’s the problem?”
“I’m not sure, I just don’t feel like we should be doing this. Their should be a relationship involved for this stuff, and I don’t want one.” Cynthia rebutted.
“Cynthia…” Julie said, frustrated, “what was wrong with today, why can’t you just do something like that every once in a while, where’s the harm in that?”
Cynthia seemed unconvinced. “I got it, Cynthia, sit down next to Alex,” Taylor said. Cynthia reluctantly obeyed, sitting naked next to Alex. Taylor led Julie to the vacant couch. “Both of you watch, and when we’re all done, maybe then we can all talk honestly about this.” Taylor said, smiling.
Julie and Taylor both leaned in towards each other, their lips meeting halfway. They wrapped their arms around each other. Julie slowly started to lift up Taylor’s t-shirt. Taylor smiled at this, and raised her arms as Julie pulled it off. Julie threw it to an empty chair and the two began kissing again. Both girls grabbed the other’s naked tits, rubbing them passionately.
Both girl’s large breasts, Taylor’s blonde hair, and Julie’s brown hair intertwined as they made out, hugging tightly. Taylor pulled her jeans off, not breaking away from Julie, leaving just her panties. Julie pulled back, slowly kissing down Taylor, focusing on her hard nipples on her large breasts. She continued down, until she reached Taylor’s panties, which she grabbed with her teeth, tugging them off, whilst looking over to Alex and Cynthia.
Taylor giggled as she saw her take them off with her teeth. She watched Julie, and then looked over at Alex and Cynthia. At that moment, Alex was getting very turned on. She couldn’t look away. Cynthia also started getting wet, but she tried as hard as she could not to.
Julie now had a trimmed wet pussy right in front of her face. She quickly stuck her tongue between Taylor’s already moist lips, and grabbed her firm ass cheeks, pushing her face into Taylor’s crotch. Taylor moaned loudly as the pleasuring began.
Alex started fidgeting on the couch, as she watched the two of them pleasure each other. Cynthia looked away, but her eyes always were drawn back to Julie and Taylor. Julie closed her eyes, as she licked Taylor’s pussy harder, dying for a taste of cum now. Taylor also closed her eyes, and arched her back, as she rested her hands on Julie’s head, pushing her in farther.
Taylor weakened, and had to sit down on the edge of the couch with Julie still licking her feverishly. Alex could barely stand it, her pussy ached for attention. Alex felt awkward with Cynthia next to her, both girls staring at the show, not wanting to acknowledge the other. Cynthia’s pussy was wet, no matter how much she wanted not to like it, she was getting the couch wet.
Taylor was moaning out loud, as she let out a small orgasm. Julie licked it up, and continued working her pussy. Alex needed human contact bad. She wrapped an arm around Cynthia, and leaned into kiss her. Cynthia backed away, and jumped up, “What the fuck is wrong with you people?!” she shouted, running to her bedroom. She got inside, and closed the door, locking it.
Alex, remembering how Cynthia likes to make a big deal out of things, and get over it quickly, shrugged off the rejection, turning back to the show. Taylor had gotten up on the couch, and Julie was eating her out still. Julie incorporated a finger into the mix, driving Taylor higher and higher into ecstasy as she came again. Alex could no longer contain herself, reaching under her nightgown and shoving two fingers into her dripping pussy.
Taylor was screaming Julie’s name, as she let out another orgasm, this one bigger than the others, “Yes Julie YES!” Taylor collapsed, falling backwards onto the couch. Her breathing was very rapid and hard. Alex smiled, watching this, working her fingers faster.
Taylor laid down on the couch, inviting Julie to join her with a quick gesture. Julie climbed on top of her, into a sixty-nine. Taylor quickly spread open Julie’s dripping pussy with her hands, lapping at her juices, starting to please her. Julie hadn’t missed a beat, already pleasing Taylor again. Alex was frigging herself, three fingers pumping in and out, as she watched the two big titted girls sixty-nine on the couch, she was approaching a powerful orgasm.
Taylor wanted to repay Julie for the wonderful pleasure she had just received. Both girls licked hard, using their fingers for pleasure, along with their tongues. Alex couldn’t stand it. She was going to cum soon. She lifted her night gown off of her body, and used her left hand to play with her tits, and her right to continue pumping. Her breathing became rapid, and she was moaning loud.
In her room, Cynthia sat, staring at the door, easily hearing three girls moaning. She wondered if Alex was now doing it with them too. Cynthia, still naked, opened the door slowly, peering into the living room. She couldn’t see Julie and Taylor, as the back of the couch was to her, but she could clearly see Alex masturbating very hard and fast, approaching orgasm. Cynthia again felt herself getting excited, her pussy wet, her nipples hardening.
Soon, Alex came, in a big beautiful explosion. After it subsided, she passed out on the couch, her fingers still in her pussy. Taylor and Julie came loudly and powerfully, laying exhausted on the couch. Cynthia looked on, images of Alex lingering in her mind, as well as the earlier encounter with Julie. Cynthia went to bed, naked, she tried to sleep, but the images wouldn’t let her. Finally, she gave into temptation, masturbating in her bed, thinking of Alex and Julie. She immediately went to sleep afterward, dreaming of girls… |
Title: 4 Curious college Girls: Ch5 Attack of the Lesbians (hard)
Tags: Fiction, Domination/submission, Group Sex, Lesbian, Oral Sex, Rape, Teen Female/Teen Female
Introduction:
ch. 5
Content:
Chapter 5: Attack of The Lesbians
Warning! This contains some material that may be offensive. There is an edited version that is also posted.
Taylor and Julie awoke during the night, laying together naked on the couch. They looked over and saw Alex asleep, a finger barely still inside her pussy. The girls quietly laughed, and Taylor led Julie toward her room. Taylor pulled the covers back on her bed, where her and Alex had done it earlier. Taylor climbed into bed, Julie right behind her. Taylor pulled the covers up over them, and they hugged tightly together. “Mmm, it’s so sticky here,” Julie said, laughing with Taylor. They both gave each other a quick kiss before drifting back to sleep.
Alex laid on the couch, in a deep sleep. Her dreams were filled with thoughts of Julie and Taylor eating each other out. How she wished she had someone to care for. But it would have to be a guy. A nice guy with abs, and a big cock. Alex smiled to herself, as the perfect guy entered her dreams. He had brown hair, and a 9 inch cock, waiting for her. But after some time, that guy’s hair grew longer, and he got boobs. He turned into a woman with a strap-on.
Alex woke up in the morning, her body covered in swear, “I’m not gay…” she said to herself, before standing up, going into the kitchen for a glass of water. She gulped down a glass, standing naked in the kitchen. She found her nightgown on the floor, picking it up. She walked back to her room. Once inside she saw Taylor and Julie spooning on the bottom bunk. She took the chance to look at the naked girls, wondering what they had been up to recently, before climbing up to her top bunk.
Taylor woke up, she felt Julie spooning her from behind. Taylor looked up and saw Alex’s lower half ascending to the top bunk, her hairy pussy being the first thing Taylor noticed. “Hey Alex,” Taylor moaned, stretching her arms over her head, fully waking up.
“Oh, hey Taylor. Sorry if I woke you up,” Alex said, getting under her blankets.
“Julie?” Taylor said, wondering if she was awake.
Julie lay there, still out. Her body was very hot. Alex lay her head on a pillow, and got comfortable.
“You think Cynthia’s alright?” Alex asked Taylor.
“Yeah, she just needs to find her inner lesbian,” Taylor said, chuckling a bit.
“She was probably just over-reacting. I hope she is less dramatic today,” Alex said.
Taylor smiled, “Yeah, and maybe she can join in on the fun. Oh, and Alex, thanks for earlier.”
“You know what, if she wants nothing to do with us, the three of us could just share a room, I don’t think Julie would mind,” Alex said giggling.
Taylor smiled, “Yeah, either we get a big bed in here, or we can all just share one bunk,” Taylor giggled, “I wouldn’t mind the low space.”
Julie woke up, moaning softly, and squeezing Taylor. Her hands came up to Taylor’s breasts, cupping them. “Well hi there Julie,” Taylor said.
Julie smiled, “Mmm, what time is it?” Julie asked Taylor.
“7:47,” Alex said, looking at a digital clock on the dresser.
“About time for some pussy-licking,” Taylor said laughing, feeling the hands on her breasts pinching her nipples.
“Oh, hey there Alex,” Julie smiled, feeling like she was caught in the act.
“Hi Julie,” Alex said, “Do you think Cynthia will be alright today?”
“That bitch hypocrite?” Julie giggled to herself, “if she doesn’t realize she is gay by tonight, I am gonna rape it out of her.”
“Well, that’s a little extreme,” Alex said, laughing at Julie’s statement. “Maybe we all should tie her up and turn her lesbian!”
“That sounds like a plan,” Taylor said. They all giggled at the proposition.
“Seriously…let’s do it,” Julie said, “It could work.”
Alex smiled at this, “Mmm, just the thought of it is getting me hot,” Alex said, moving her hands up and down her body.
“We could tie her up to her bed posts, and we could all take turns eating and fingering her, and don’t stop till she’s begging for more,” Julie laughed.
“We better do something now, or I’m gonna have to masturbate right now,” Alex said, giggling to herself, her hand between her legs.
Taylor smiled to herself, “Anyone have any handcuffs?”
“I have some strips of cloth…” Alex said, masturbating quietly on the top bunk.
Julie smiled, “I have some handcuffs…that my old boyfriend used on me,” she smiled, rubbing Taylor’s tits still.
“Leave it to Julie to actually have handcuffs,” Alex laughed. Taylor and Julie sat up on the bed.
“You guys really want to do this?” Julie asked.
“Yeah,” They both replied.
“Ok, we gotta sneak in then,” Julie said, getting off the bed.
“Let’s go,” Taylor said, standing up next to Julie, both naked. They looked over and saw Alex masturbating.
“Caught me,” Alex said, smiling, she sat up and jumped down from the top bunk. Taylor grabbed Alex’s hand, and licked the juices off her finger. Alex giggled as her tongue tickled her finger.
“Quiet, lets go,” Taylor said.
The three girls walked quietly out of their room. They headed slowly to Julie and Cynthia’s room. Taylor grasped the door knob, trying to turn, “Damn, it’s locked,” she said, a frown on her face.
Julie looked at Taylor, and pushed her out of the way, “You are supposed to turn and push, not pull,” she said softly, giggling lightly. Alex did too, and Taylor blushed a bit.
“Oops,” Taylor whispered, as Julie opened the door. The three naked girls crept inside. Cynthia was asleep on her bed on the bottom bunk. Julie went to the closet to find her handcuffs. Taylor and Alex watched Cynthia sleep. Cynthia barely had any covers on her, her naked body exposed, and her right hand was innocently laying on her crotch. Cynthia moaned lightly.
“I don’t think she was repulsed…” Taylor said, smiling.
“Must have enjoyed the show,” Alex muttered.
“Got ‘em” Julie said, coming back from the closet.
Taylor smiled, taking the 4 pairs from Julie, “Awesome,” she said, walking over to Cynthia slowly. She carefully cuffed her hands to both of the bed posts above her head. “Alex, you do her feet,” Taylor said, handing Alex the other 2 pairs.
Alex cuffed Cynthia’s right ankle, and then cuffed the post. She reached for her left ankle, and Cynthia woke up, seeing the three girls above her.
“What the fuck!” Cynthia said, trying to move her hands. Alex acted quickly, getting the last cuff on her.
“What’s going on?!” Cynthia shouted, not able to move.
Julie giggled, “Well, all 4 of us are going to have some fun.”
“So sit back, and enjoy the ride,” Taylor said, running her hand up Cynthia’s thigh.
Alex bent down, licking Cynthia’s toes. Cynthia tried not to, but laughed as she was tickled.
(The writing stopped as Jessica came, her hand down the front of her jeans stimulating her wet pussy. She gasped, as her orgasm subsided. The writing on the screen stopped, and John asked for her to write. She blushed, and typed that she had came. Her breathing was still elevated and her heart pumping hard as she left to clean herself up, hopefully coming back to write more and maybe get off one more time…)
Cynthia struggled hard, trying to fight the cuffs, “Please, don’t do this, please let me go!” she begged, but was soon silenced by Julie’s lips.
Alex kept tonguing her toes, and running her hands up Cynthia’s smooth legs. Taylor bent over, her mouth hovering over Cynthia’s wet pussy. She stuck her tongue out, slowly descending to Cynthia’s slit.
Cynthia pulled her lips away from Julie’s, “Taylor don’t you dare! All of you leave, get the fuck out!” but Cynthia’s pleads were ignored by her attackers. Taylor slowly touched Cynthia’s pussy with the tip of her tongue, darting inside her wetness.
Alex hopped up on the bed, sitting on top of Cynthia’s legs, she pressed her hand into Cynthia’s crotch, one finger entering her, as Taylor tickled her clit with her tongue. Julie leaned forward, sucking on Cynthia’s nipple, playing with the other in her hand.
“Stop,” Cynthia said. Her once forceful orders had slowly turned into whimpers. The three girls were giving her pleasure, albeit unwanted pleasure, but pleasure nonetheless. She breathed heavily, arching her back slightly.
Julie bit her nipple playfully, but rough. Alex, down in the southern regions, added a finger deep into Cynthia’s depths, as Taylor sucked on her clit.
Alex smacked her hand on the side of Cynthia’s hip, almost spanking her. Taylor pushed her mouth further down, sucking and licking all over Cynthia’s pussy. A moment later, Taylor moved over, bending down to kiss Cynthia. Cynthia didn’t resist, Taylor’s tongue entering her mouth. Cynthia wanted not to kiss back, but somewhat did, as she tasted herself. No matter how hard she tried, she was enjoying this. Her pussy was burning, wanting to cum.
Julie moved down to her pussy, and clamped her mouth on her waiting lips. Julie wanted to taste her cum again. It was so sweet and juicy. Alex moved her hands under Cynthia, rubbing her ass cheeks, squeezing them softly. Taylor began sucking on Cynthia’s tongue, both of their eyes closed.
Alex moved up between Cynthia’s legs, spreading them. Julie was essentially making out with Cynthia’s dripping slit. Alex pushed the index finger of her right hand into Cynthia’s pussy, and the index finger of her left hand, already wet with her juices, into Cynthia’s ass.
Cynthia moaned loudly, escaping Taylor’s mouth, “Get it out! OW!” Cynthia’s ass cheeks clenched over Alex’s finger. Alex just giggled, and pushed it in harder.
Julie went into overdrive, eating out Cynthia incredibly hard and fast. Alex simply held one finger in both of Cynthia’s holes. Taylor’s mouth came back onto Cynthia’s. Cynthia fought it harder and harder, but couldn’t stop it. Her orgasm hit like a tidal wave. Her pussy squirmed and quivered, shooting her cum into Julie’s mouth and at Alex, her ass clenching on Alex’s finger, and she moaned loudly into Taylor’s mouth as she arched her back.
Once Cynthia’s orgasm subsided, she collapsed on the bed, her eyes slowly closing. The pleasure was beyond her, as it was hard for her to think straight. She didn’t want to like this, but she did.
The girls didn’t stop. Taylor straddled Cynthia’s chest, her wet pussy resting on Cynthia’s tits. Alex giggled, her fingers both being squeezed, she starting to pump them both in and out. Julie kept on eating Cynthia’s now drenched slit. Cynthia moaned loudly, and beyond her control.
“Stop guys,” Taylor said, perched on Cynthia’s glorious little tits. Alex pulled her fingers from Cynthia’s pussy, licking and tasting her juices. The room was filled with the aroma of four dripping slits. Julie extricated her tongue from Cynthia’s wet pussy.
“Now do you understand, Cynthia?” Taylor asked.
“Don’t stop,” Cynthia moaned, her eyes closed, her head lying to the side from the aftermath of her powerful orgasm. The three girls giggled, mission accomplished.
(Jessica came again, moaning loudly, after her second orgasm of the day, “John, I am so tired…can we continue tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
Jessica smiled at John, through the internet, and turned off her computer. She walked away, going to bed, the writing would continue later.)
Taylor looked down at Cynthia, as she sat on her chest. She turned her back to Cynthia’s face, and then backed up, putting her pussy on Cynthia’s mouth, “Lick it,” Taylor said, looking back at Cynthia. Cynthia’s tongue escaped her mouth, as it penetrated Taylor’s vaginal lips. She thrusted her tongue in and out of her pussy, tasting her sweet juices.
Alex giggled, seeing Cynthia enthusiastically eating Taylor’s dripping pussy. “That’s our little lesbian,” Alex joked. She leaned down, kissing Cynthia’s sweet pussy, then used her tongue to tickle her clit. Julie suddenly had nothing to do. All of Cynthia’s important areas were already being covered by Alex and Taylor. Julie set her sights on Alex’s dripping slit, as she was bent over eating Cynthia. The sight of Alex bent over, her pussy seemed to beg for her pleasuring tongue, was too tempting to pass up. Julie stepped over a few feet, and bent over the bed, grabbing Alex’s ass cheeks and spreading them. She plunged her mouth between Alex’s legs, diving into her sweet pussy.
This shocked Alex. She jumped a little at the first contact, but let her pussy melt in Julie’s mouth. Alex slowly pushed her body back against Julie, moaning out. She used two fingers to push into Cynthia’s slit, as she sucked on her clit. The smells coming from Cynthia’s pussy were wonderful.
Taylor was still sitting on Cynthia’s face, she leaned forward a bit, putting her hands on Cynthia’s tits, massaging them, to hold her upright. Alex looked up from Cynthia’s hot pussy to see Taylor groping Cynthia while she ate her. Alex, being eaten out herself, couldn’t help but wonder how any of them could deny that this was an amazing experience. Alex thought about it for a second, the whole situation, and giggled a little into Cynthia’s pussy. Alex repositioned herself a little, getting up on all fours, her hands on either side of Cynthia’s hips, this allowed Julie better access to her pussy, something Alex really craved at that moment.
Taylor rode Cynthia’s face, moaning out loud. Cynthia’s tongue pressed against her clit, before slipping back inside her pussy. Taylor threw her blonde hair back, and leaned forward. She let out a small orgasm, as she continued riding. Cynthia smiled a bit, sucking up the juices, going back to work. Julie rubbed her own pussy, as she continued sucking Alex. Alex humped back into Julie’s face, her tits swaying back and forth.
Cynthia felt her second orgasm impending, it made her whole body tingle, she tried to cry out in pleasure, but her mouth was buried in Taylor’s slit. Alex sensed Cynthia’s near orgasmic state, and put two fingers inside her pussy, finger-fucking her vigorously as she continued to orally please her. Alex could sense that her own orgasm would follow closely behind Cynthia’s.
Taylor continued riding, as the other three girls never stopped eating. Alex plunged her tongue in farther, as Julie added in another finger. Cynthia couldn’t do much, but she licked harder. The room was filled with sounds of pleasure and smells of sex. Within a minute, Taylor’s stopped riding, as she began cumming again. Alex, felt Cynthia’s pussy release her juices, her pussy contracting violently. This did enough to Alex to make her cum into Julie’s mouth, which brought Julie on to an enormous orgasm. All the girls came at once, moaning loudly into the air, or into a pussy.
Taylor laid forward, almost in a sixty-nine on top of Cynthia. Alex couldn’t hold herself up, and laid down, her mouth just inches from Cynthia’s still orgasmic pussy. Julie lay forward on top of Alex’s wonderful ass. The girls all panted and breathed loudly. For a few minutes the only movement was of their heaving chests. The lack of talking for the past few minutes had now become an awkward silence. Finally Alex broke the silence, “Just something I noticed…but Julie has been neglected so far…”
Julie smiled at them, her cheek resting comfortably on Alex’s ass cheek, “Guys, it is ok. I’m happy to give and not receive.” She smiled at the three of them. Julie stood up, and looked at the pile of girls that lay under her bunk. “So, what now?” Julie asked.
“I need a shower,” Cynthia said, Taylor’s pussy still just next to her mouth. “You guys are all sweaty and laying on top of me.” They all laughed.
“Shower sounds good,” Julie said, “Let’s go…” |
Title: 4 Curious college Girls: Ch5 Attack of the Lesbians (soft)
Tags: Fiction, Coercion, Female Domination, Female/Female, Group Sex, Lesbian, Oral Sex
Introduction:
Ch.5
Content:
Chapter 5: Attack of the Lesbians
Warning! There are two versions of this chapter. Because of the serious nature of the content, we have created a “cleaner” version. This is the cleaner version, it doesn’t contain anything more offensive than is seen previously in this series (which isn’t much). If you want the original version it is also posted.
Taylor and Julie awoke during the night, laying together naked on the couch. They looked over and saw Alex asleep, a finger barely still inside her pussy. The girls quietly laughed, and Taylor led Julie toward her room. Taylor pulled the covers back on her bed, where her and Alex had done it earlier. Taylor climbed into bed, Julie right behind her. Taylor pulled the covers up over them, and they hugged tightly together. “Mmm, it’s so sticky here,” Julie said, laughing with Taylor. They both gave each other a quick kiss before drifting back to sleep.
Alex laid on the couch, in a deep sleep. Her dreams were filled with thoughts of Julie and Taylor eating each other out. How she wished she had someone to care for. But it would have to be a guy. A nice guy with abs, and a big cock. Alex smiled to herself, as the perfect guy entered her dreams. He had brown hair, and a 9 inch cock, waiting for her. But after some time, that guy’s hair grew longer, and he got boobs. He turned into a woman with a strap-on.
Alex woke up in the morning, her body covered in swear, “I’m not gay…” she said to herself, before standing up, going into the kitchen for a glass of water. She gulped down a glass, standing naked in the kitchen. She found her nightgown on the floor, picking it up. She walked back to her room. Once inside she saw Taylor and Julie spooning on the bottom bunk. She took the chance to look at the naked girls, wondering what they had been up to recently, before climbing up to her top bunk.
Taylor woke up, she felt Julie spooning her from behind. Taylor looked up and saw Alex’s lower half ascending to the top bunk, her hairy pussy being the first thing Taylor noticed. “Hey Alex,” Taylor moaned, stretching her arms over her head, fully waking up.
“Oh, hey Taylor. Sorry if I woke you up,” Alex said, getting under her blankets.
“Julie?” Taylor said, wondering if she was awake.
Julie lay there, still out. Her body was very hot. Alex lay her head on a pillow, and got comfortable.
“You think Cynthia’s alright?” Alex asked Taylor.
“Yeah, she just needs to find her inner lesbian,” Taylor said, chuckling a bit.
“She was probably just over-reacting. I hope she is less dramatic today,” Alex said.
Taylor smiled, “Yeah, and maybe she can join in on the fun. Oh, and Alex, thanks for earlier.”
“You know what, if she wants nothing to do with us, the three of us could just share a room, I don’t think Julie would mind,” Alex said giggling.
Taylor smiled, “Yeah, either we get a big bed in here, or we can all just share one bunk,” Taylor giggled, “I wouldn’t mind the low space.”
Julie woke up, moaning softly, and squeezing Taylor. Her hands came up to Taylor’s breasts, cupping them. “Well hi there Julie,” Taylor said.
Julie smiled, “Mmm, what time is it?” Julie asked Taylor.
“7:47,” Alex said, looking at a digital clock on the dresser.
“About time for some pussy-licking,” Taylor said laughing, feeling the hands on her breasts pinching her nipples.
“Oh, hey there Alex,” Julie smiled, feeling like she was caught in the act.
“Hi Julie,” Alex said, “Do you think Cynthia will be alright today?”
“That bitch hypocrite?” Julie giggled to herself, “if she doesn’t realize she is gay by tonight, I am gonna rape it out of her.”
“Well, that’s a little extreme,” Alex said, laughing at Julie’s statement. “Maybe we all should tie her up and turn her lesbian!”
“That sounds like a plan,” Taylor said. They all giggled at the proposition.
“Seriously…let’s do it,” Julie said, “It could work.”
Alex smiled at this, “Mmm, just the thought of it is getting me hot,” Alex said, moving her hands up and down her body.
“We could tie her up to her bed posts, and we could all take turns eating and fingering her, and don’t stop till she’s begging for more,” Julie laughed.
“We better do something now, or I’m gonna have to masturbate right now,” Alex said, giggling to herself, her hand between her legs.
Taylor smiled to herself, “Anyone have any handcuffs?”
“I have some strips of cloth…” Alex said, masturbating quietly on the top bunk.
Julie smiled, “I have some handcuffs…that my old boyfriend used on me,” she smiled, rubbing Taylor’s tits still.
“Leave it to Julie to actually have handcuffs,” Alex laughed. Taylor and Julie sat up on the bed.
“You guys really want to do this?” Julie asked.
“Yeah,” They both replied.
“Ok, we gotta sneak in then,” Julie said, getting off the bed.
“Let’s go,” Taylor said, standing up next to Julie, both naked. They looked over and saw Alex masturbating.
“Caught me,” Alex said, smiling, she sat up and jumped down from the top bunk. Taylor grabbed Alex’s hand, and licked the juices off her finger. Alex giggled as her tongue tickled her finger.
“Quiet, lets go,” Taylor said.
The three girls walked quietly out of their room. They headed slowly to Julie and Cynthia’s room. Taylor grasped the door knob, trying to turn, “Damn, it’s locked,” she said, a frown on her face.
Julie looked at Taylor, and pushed her out of the way, “You are supposed to turn and push, not pull,” she said softly, giggling lightly. Alex did too, and Taylor blushed a bit.
“Oops,” Taylor whispered, as Julie opened the door. The three naked girls crept inside. Cynthia was asleep on her bed on the bottom bunk. Julie went to the closet to find her handcuffs. Taylor and Alex watched Cynthia sleep. Cynthia barely had any covers on her, her naked body exposed, and her right hand was innocently laying on her crotch. Cynthia moaned lightly.
“I don’t think she was repulsed…” Taylor said, smiling.
“Must have enjoyed the show,” Alex muttered.
“Got ‘em” Julie said, coming back from the closet.
Taylor smiled, taking the 4 pairs from Julie, “Awesome,” she said, walking over to Cynthia slowly. She carefully cuffed her hands to both of the bed posts above her head. “Alex, you do her feet,” Taylor said, handing Alex the other 2 pairs.
Alex cuffed Cynthia’s right ankle, and then cuffed the post. She reached for her left ankle, and Cynthia woke up, seeing the three girls above her.
“What the hell?!?” Cynthia asked, trying to move her hands. Alex acted quickly, getting the last cuff on her.
“What are guys doing?!” Cynthia asked, not able to move.
Julie giggled, “Well, all 4 of us are going to have some fun.”
“So sit back, and enjoy the ride,” Taylor said, running her hand up Cynthia’s thigh.
Alex bent down, licking Cynthia’s toes. Cynthia tried not to, but laughed as she was tickled.
Cynthia struggled hard, trying to fight the cuffs, “Quit kidding around!” she said, but was soon silenced by Julie’s lips.
Alex kept tonguing her toes, and running her hands up Cynthia’s smooth legs. Taylor bent over, her mouth hovering over Cynthia’s wet pussy. She stuck her tongue out, slowly descending to Cynthia’s slit.
Cynthia pulled her lips away from Julie’s, “Hey, what are you doing!” but Cynthia’s pleads were ignored by her attackers. Taylor slowly touched Cynthia’s pussy with the tip of her tongue, darting inside her wetness. “Quit it,” Cynthia said, but her voice betrayed her, almost laughing from the tickling sensations, which only further encouraged them.
Alex hopped up on the bed, sitting on top of Cynthia’s legs. Alex pressed her hand into Cynthia’s crotch, one finger entering her, as Taylor tickled her clit with her tongue. Julie leaned forward, sucking on Cynthia’s nipple, playing with the other in her hand.
“Fuck,” Cynthia said, moaning in pleasure. “Ohhh, stop, mmm, ohh,” her once forceful orders had slowly turned into whimpers. The three girls were giving her pleasure, albeit unwanted pleasure, but pleasure nonetheless. She breathed heavily, arching her back slightly.
Julie bit her nipple playfully. Alex, down in the southern regions, added a finger deep into Cynthia’s depths, as Taylor sucked on her clit.
Alex smacked her hand on the side of Cynthia’s hip, almost spanking her. Taylor pushed her mouth further down, sucking and licking all over Cynthia’s pussy. A moment later, Taylor moved over, bending down to kiss Cynthia. Cynthia didn’t resist, Taylor’s tongue entering her mouth. Cynthia wanted not to kiss back, but somewhat did, as she tasted herself. No matter how hard she tried, she was enjoying this. Her pussy was burning, wanting to cum.
Julie moved down to her pussy, and clamped her mouth on her waiting lips. Julie wanted to taste her cum again. It was so sweet and juicy. Alex moved her hands under Cynthia, rubbing her ass cheeks, squeezing them softly. Taylor began sucking on Cynthia’s tongue, both of their eyes closed.
Alex moved up between Cynthia’s legs, spreading them. Julie was essentially making out with Cynthia’s dripping slit. Alex pushed the index finger of her right hand into Cynthia’s pussy, slowly fingering her.
Cynthia moaned loudly, escaping Taylor’s mouth, “Stop! Haha, quit it,” she laughed as she tried to stop her pleasure. Cynthia’s ass cheeks clenched over Alex’s finger. Alex just giggled, and pushed it in harder.
Julie went into overdrive, eating out Cynthia incredibly hard and fast. Alex simply held one finger in Cynthia’s hole. Taylor’s mouth came back onto Cynthia’s. Cynthia fought it harder and harder, but couldn’t stop it. Her orgasm hit like a tidal wave. Her pussy squirmed and quivered, shooting her cum into Julie’s mouth and at Alex, her ass clenching on Alex’s finger, and she moaned loudly into Taylor’s mouth as she arched her back.
Once Cynthia’s orgasm subsided, she collapsed on the bed, her eyes slowly closing. The pleasure was beyond her, as it was hard for her to think straight. She didn’t want to like this, but she did…a lot.
The girls didn’t stop. Taylor straddled Cynthia’s chest, her wet pussy resting on Cynthia’s tits. Alex giggled, her finger being squeezed by Cynthia’s quivering pussy. Julie kept on eating Cynthia’s now drenched slit. Cynthia moaned loudly, and beyond her control.
“Stop guys,” Taylor said, perched on Cynthia’s glorious little tits. Alex pulled her finger from Cynthia’s pussy, licking and tasting her juices. The room was filled with the aroma of four dripping slits. Julie extricated her tongue from Cynthia’s wet pussy.
“Now do you understand, Cynthia?” Taylor asked.
“Don’t stop,” Cynthia moaned, her eyes closed, her head lying to the side from the aftermath of her powerful orgasm. The three girls giggled, mission accomplished.
Taylor looked down at Cynthia, as she sat on her chest. She turned her back to Cynthia’s face, and then backed up, putting her pussy on Cynthia’s mouth, “Lick it,” Taylor said, looking back at Cynthia. Cynthia’s tongue escaped her mouth, as it penetrated Taylor’s vaginal lips. She thrusted her tongue in and out of her pussy, tasting her sweet juices.
Alex giggled, seeing Cynthia enthusiastically eating Taylor’s dripping pussy. “That’s our little lesbian,” Alex joked. She leaned down, kissing Cynthia’s sweet pussy, then used her tongue to tickle her clit. Julie suddenly had nothing to do. All of Cynthia’s important areas were already being covered by Alex and Taylor. Julie set her sights on Alex’s dripping slit, as she was bent over eating Cynthia. The sight of Alex bent over, her pussy seemed to beg for her pleasuring tongue, was too tempting to pass up. Julie stepped over a few feet, and bent over the bed, grabbing Alex’s ass cheeks and spreading them. She plunged her mouth between Alex’s legs, diving into her sweet pussy.
This shocked Alex. She jumped a little at the first contact, but let her pussy melt in Julie’s mouth. Alex slowly pushed her body back against Julie, moaning out. She used two fingers to push into Cynthia’s slit, as she sucked on her clit. The smells coming from Cynthia’s pussy were wonderful.
Taylor was still sitting on Cynthia’s face, she leaned forward a bit, putting her hands on Cynthia’s tits, massaging them, to hold her upright. Alex looked up from Cynthia’s hot pussy to see Taylor groping Cynthia while she ate her. Alex, being eaten out herself, couldn’t help but wonder how any of them could deny that this was an amazing experience. Alex thought about it for a second, the whole situation, and giggled a little into Cynthia’s pussy. Alex repositioned herself a little, getting up on all fours, her hands on either side of Cynthia’s hips, this allowed Julie better access to her pussy, something Alex really craved at that moment.
Taylor rode Cynthia’s face, moaning out loud. Cynthia’s tongue pressed against her clit, before slipping back inside her pussy. Taylor threw her blonde hair back, and leaned forward. She let out a small orgasm, as she continued riding. Cynthia smiled a bit, sucking up the juices, going back to work. Julie rubbed her own pussy, as she continued sucking Alex. Alex humped back into Julie’s face, her tits swaying back and forth.
Cynthia felt her second orgasm impending, it made her whole body tingle, she tried to cry out in pleasure, but her mouth was buried in Taylor’s slit. Alex sensed Cynthia’s near orgasmic state, and put two fingers inside her pussy, finger-fucking her vigorously as she continued to orally please her. Alex could sense that her own orgasm would follow closely behind Cynthia’s.
Taylor continued riding, as the other three girls never stopped eating. Alex plunged her tongue in farther, as Julie added in another finger. Cynthia couldn’t do much, but she licked harder. The room was filled with sounds of pleasure and smells of sex. Within a minute, Taylor’s stopped riding, as she began cumming again. Alex, felt Cynthia’s pussy release her juices, her pussy contracting violently. This did enough to Alex to make her cum into Julie’s mouth, which brought Julie on to an enormous orgasm. All the girls came at once, moaning loudly into the air, or into a pussy.
Taylor laid forward, almost in a sixty-nine on top of Cynthia. Alex couldn’t hold herself up, and laid down, her mouth just inches from Cynthia’s still orgasmic pussy. Julie lay forward on top of Alex’s wonderful ass. The girls all panted and breathed loudly. For a few minutes the only movement was of their heaving chests. The lack of talking for the past few minutes had now become an awkward silence. Finally Alex broke the silence, “Just something I noticed…but Julie has been neglected so far…”
Julie smiled at them, her cheek resting comfortably on Alex’s ass cheek, “Guys, it is ok. I’m happy to give and not receive.” She smiled at the three of them. Julie stood up, and looked at the pile of girls that lay under her bunk. “So, what now?” Julie asked.
“I need a shower,” Cynthia said, Taylor’s pussy still just next to her mouth. “You guys are all sweaty and laying on top of me.” They all laughed.
“Shower sounds good,” Julie said, “Let’s go…” |
Title: 4 Curious College Girls: Vol. 3
Tags: Fiction, Anal, Blowjob, Female exhibitionist, Teen Female/Teen Female, Toys, Wife
Content:
Volume 3:
Chapter 11: Sleepless Nights
A Few Weeks Later…
Thursday Night
Julie and Taylor lie in bed quietly, trying to sleep. It is past their normal bedtime of 11 on Thursday nights.
“You still awake?” Julie asks from the top bunk, the covers completely off of her, as she was hot, only her bra covered her tits as she lay.
“Yes,” Taylor mumbled, laying on her side, having her covers half off to cool down as well.
“What time is it?” Julie asked.
“11:25,” Taylor responded, glancing at the digital clock.
“Can I come down?” Julie asked.
“You know we agreed not to sleep together before history class,” Taylor responded.
“I know…” Julie said. “Just this once?” Julie asked.
“Come on, you know that once you get down here we will try to cuddle and sleep, and after a few minutes one of us will get turned on…eight hours later we’ll have to pull our tongues out of each other to go to class,” Taylor replied.
“I know…” Julie admitted. “But just explaining why we can’t do it…makes me hot,” Julie giggled.
“We can cuddle every night except Tuesday and Thursday,” Taylor said.
“I know…but just not being able to do it makes me want to more,” Julie said, her loins beginning to tingle.
Taylor sighed loudly, “What are we doing tomorrow?”
“He’s just giving us the study guide, we don’t have to take notes or anything,” Julie replied, sensing that she was about to get her wish.
“But you know that if we do it tonight, then next week we will both have the excuse that it worked last week, and the next thing you know we are having sex 24/7 and failing all our classes,” Taylor ranted a bit.
“24/7 you say?” Julie asked. Her right hand slowly pushed underneath her white cotton panties, she tried not to let Taylor know what she was doing.
“We can have all the sex you want right after class, then in the afternoon, then we can sleep together tomorrow night, then it’s the weekend,” Taylor persisted.
Julie’s index finger ran up and down her slit, gently teasing her pussy. “You sound so sexy when you are arguing,” Julie giggled.
“Just try to go to sleep,” Taylor said, throwing all the covers off her, trying to cool off.
“But it’s so hot in here, you know we will just lay awake for two hours and then regret that we hadn’t just done it, cause we wont sleep anyway,” Julie said, her index finger gently penetrating her pussy. Julie moaned softly.
“Are you masturbating?” Taylor asked.
“Maybe,” Julie said sarcastically.
“Damnit… So if I won’t have sex with you you’ll just masturbate loudly, get me horny, and then fuck me, is that the plan?” Taylor said angrily.
“Well, I hadn’t thought it through that far, but it sounds like a good plan.
“Just…just get down here,” Taylor said. Julie giggled, pulling her hand from her damp panties and throwing her legs off the side of the top bunk.
“But you have to get me horny, since you obviously are already,” Taylor said, finally returning to her normal voice from the mom voice.
“I shaved tonight,” Julie said seductively, her legs dangling off the side of the bed.
“Oh?” Taylor asked, reaching up and caressing Julie’s soft legs.
“Well, I shaved there too, but that wasn’t what I was talking about.” Julie said.
“Oh, well let me caress that then,” Taylor said. Normally Taylor and Julie kept their pussies trimmed very closely, and about once every week or two they shaved em clean. They were constantly trying to get Alex to do the same, but she insisted on having the full bush, she liked it natural. They vowed to get her one day. Even Cynthia joined in on that fight.
Julie tugged her cotton panties down, and they slid down her legs. Taylor grabbed them when they clung to Julie’s feet. Taylor sniffed them. “You’re already wet,” Taylor said.
“I’m so naughty,” Julie joked. A minute later the bra fell off the top bunk. Taylor followed suit, nudifying herself as she laid there, tossing her clothes on the floor.
“So are you going to come down here, or am I going to have to come up there?” Taylor asked.
“If you were a guy I’d tell you not to cum up there,” Julie giggled. Julie hopped off the top bunk, landing on her bare feet. In the dark neither of them could really see each other. Silhouettes were about the best they could make out. Julie gently climbed into bed beside Taylor. They gently hugged face to face, laying on their sides. They pushed their lips together and shared an innocent little kiss. It wasn’t long before Taylor’s hand caressed Julie’s clean shaven pussy.
“You like that?” Julie asked.
“Yeah,” Taylor said, leaning in to kiss Julie, letting her tongue lead the way. Their tongues danced together just outside their mouths in a wet tango. They moaned softly, and Taylor’s hand pressed into Julie’s pussy a little bit more, caressing her lovingly.
They broke the kiss and laid next to each other blissfully. Taylor hand gently massaged the lips of Julie’s slit. “What’s your fantasy?” Julie asked Taylor, her eyes closed.
“Umm…well I have many,” Taylor said.
“Yeah, me too, but what’s your favorite?” Julie asked.
“I think its just a giant orgy with hot guys and girls everywhere, just a big mess of pussy cock and tongue. It’s a good fantasy cause you get everything.” Taylor said softly.
“Mine is being tied up and just fucked crazy by a girl with a big strapon. I just love the image of a girl pounding away on my pussy and her tits bouncing up and down.” Julie whispered back, her nipples at attention.
“No real cock in your fantasy?” Taylor asked.
“Well, sometimes it’s a guy fucking me, or a girl and a guy,” Julie replied, now putting her hand softly against Taylor’s wet pussy.
“Sometimes I imagine a whole group of guys just cumming all over me, just wave after wave of cum dripping all over me while I’m being fucked,” Taylor said, her body tingling as she briefly had her little fantasy. Taylor pressed a finger inside Julie, slowly fucking her, and she massaged Julie’s tit with her other hand. Julie responded by doing pretty much the same back to her.
The girls kissed again, tongues dancing some more. This kiss lasted a while. When the tongue retracted, Julie giggled with glee, so in love was she. “I love you so much,” Julie said, giggling.
“Me too,” Taylor whispered.
“Me too?” Julie asked.
“I mean, I love you too,” Taylor said, laughing as she realized her blunder.
“What do you think Alex and Cynthia are doing?” Julie asked.
“Probably laying there awkwardly. Alex wants Cynthia, Cynthia knows it. Cynthia wants Alex, but denies her bi-sexuality, despite the fact that given a few drinks she eats more pussy than…than… than a bulldog at a cat show,” Taylor said, trying to think of a metaphor. Julie laughed.
“You awake?” Alex asked.
“Yes…” Cynthia replied.
“Want to have sex?” Alex asked giggling.
“No,” Cynthia sighed.
“Haha,” Taylor laughed. Both girls were much wetter now, the conversation and the slight playing doing the trick.
“Where are the toys?” Julie asked. Taylor reached over to the nightstand, grabbing a vibrator. It was a long small shaft. Taylor placed the length of it against Julie’s pussy lips. Taylor pressed her hips forward until her lips were against the small toy as well. Their pussies threatened to swallow the little toy. Taylor flicked the switch at the base and the electronic stimulation began. The buzzing wasn’t all that loud, and it immediately sent shivers down both of their bodies. Taylor held the device in place and slowly moved it up and down both their lips. Julie’s hands were now groping both of Taylor’s big soft titties.
“What did women do without these?” Julie asked.
“Sat on washing machines and rode on trains all day,” Taylor moaned.
They kissed again, lovingly so. “Do you like the taste of cum?” Taylor asked Julie.
“Eh,” Julie shrugged. “It’s not great or anything, but I don’t mind it. Just as long as he doesn’t hit me in the eye,” Julie laughed.
“Yeah…I don’t know I kind of like it…maybe its just the idea of what it is, but I like it,” Taylor said.
“Did you like taking a load in your ass?” Julie asked giggling.
“It actually felt really cool,” Taylor said. “When are you going to take a blast in the ass?” Taylor asked.
“Haha, when you grow a cock,” Julie laughed. They kissed again.
“Aw that’s sweet. Your saving your tight ass for me,” Taylor said.
“Haha,” Julie laughed, “So…are we going to just vibrate all night or can I lick you pussy?” Taylor didn’t respond in words, but in actions. Taylor rolled the duo over to where she was on top. Taylor crawled up Julie’s body, and stood up on her knees, putting them next to Julie’s head on the pillow. Taylor sat down on Julie’s face, and Julie’s tongue immediately darted into her wet pink opening. Julie held the vibrator against her own pussy as she ate out Taylor.
“Mmm…baby…” Taylor moaned, arching her back. Julie ate her faster and stronger, her tongue tickling her clit then her g-spot, moving all around rapidly. Julie now had the vibrator just inside her pussy, slowly moving it in and out, her other hand toying her clit. Taylor put her hands on the bars that run underneath the top mattress, holding her body up as she was tongued.
“Oh…oh…mmm…ahhh…ohhh,” Taylor moaned softly and continuously as Julie hit all her spots. She brought her right hand down to press on her left tit, massaging it. “Julie…ohhh…Julie,” Taylor moaned, breathing heavier and heavier. Julie was breathing heavily herself, but through her nose, so it tickled Taylor slightly. “Oh yes…ahhh…oh yes…baby” Taylor moaned louder as she felt an orgasm coming on. They were both sweating quite a bit, and the smell of pussy lingered in their noses. Taylor’s pussy spasmed as she came, rather a soft building orgasm. Julie tasted her cum, and kept lapping at the pussy.
“Oh…I want to taste you…oh let me taste you,” Taylor whispered. Julie kept on eating her. Taylor got up on her knees, putting her pussy just out of tongue’s reach. She turned around, holding the overhead bars for support, until she was facing Julie’s slit. Taylor sat back down on Julie, whose tongue immediately went back inside her. Taylor sat upright on her knees still, holding herself up with one hand on the bar. She reached down and grabbed the toy from Julie’s grasp. Taylor brought the buzzing toy to her mouth, sucking off the juices. “Mmmm” Taylor moaned.
Taylor pushed the toy back down to Julie’s wanting pussy, pressing it inside her, and fucking her with it fairly rapidly. Julie started moaning in a rather high pitch as she was nearing an orgasm herself. Taylor dropped down into the sixty-nine, keeping the toy at work inside Julie. Taylor brushed her hair out of the way, then went to work with her tongue, tasting and enjoying Julie. Taylor tickled and suckled on Julie’s clit while she fucked her with the vibrator. Julie moaned deeply as she came, her pussy oozing cum that Taylor lapped up as she pulled the vibrator out. The toy went right back in and so did her tongue.
Taylor came again, and Julie lovingly cuntinued. This time Taylor came a little harder, but still it was a soft orgasm, another building one. Julie soon followed suit, with an intense orgasm that kept her from eating Taylor, but only briefly. Julie reached down and stole the vibrator from Taylor’s grasp, then using it on Taylor. Taylor switched to all out tongue and mouth making out with the lips in front of her. The vibrator tickled Taylor in a different way and that sent her another orgasm. This one a little stronger, building on the other. The moans increased all around. Julie came, the oozing lapped up again by Taylor. Taylor was now using a finger to fuck Julie.
Taylor got her index finger good and juicy then poked it at Julie’s ass. “Don’t clench,” Taylor said. Julie tried no to, and Taylor pressed her finger just inside Julie’s ass, lightly pressing in and out as she ate her out. Julie moaned a little louder. Taylor wasn’t being rough, and gently pressed her finger in a little bit at a time till it was in pretty far. She just held it there. Julie had her next orgasm coming, and when it came it exceeded her expectations by far. She squealed loudly as her body came, the finger in the ass tickled a different nerve and it felt quite good.
“Oh…wow…that was good” Julie said, before going back to work with her tongue. Taylor giggled, eating her some more. Julie then pressed one finger slowly and gently inside Taylor’s ass. Taylor enjoyed it immediately, the pain no longer a big issue (she had been putting a finger in her ass during masturbation regularly since the ass fucking). Julie could tell that Taylor was in no discomfort, not clenching or squirming. She slowly pumped her finger in and out of her ass. Taylor came, a stronger orgasm, one that Julie had to lap up. Julie had an idea, and pulled the vibrator from Taylor’s pussy. She pressed the little toy against Taylor’s asshole. Now Taylor did squirm a little bit as she tried to push it in. It was a slender toy, nowhere near as thick as Eric’s cock, but it did take a little pressure to get it in.
Julie had to stop mid-experiment due to another orgasm of her own. Then she was able to put the vibrator inside Taylor’s ass. Taylor giggled as it tickled her in a new way. Taylor started to pump her finger slowly in Julie’s ass. The vibrator went a good two to three inches inside Taylor, and Julie held it there as she again concentrated on eating her pussy. Julie came again, squirting big time up at Taylor. Taylor knew Julie was at the end of the line, any more touching and she would pass out, so she relaxed, laying her head lovingly on her wet pillow of a pussy. Julie kept working on Taylor, the vibrator in the ass and the tongue on the clit and the finger on the g-spot. Taylor moaned louder and louder. The building orgasms got her all the way here, and now they were all ready to unleash a load of ecstasy on her body.
Taylor came, and she came squirting big time. Julie did her best to take in all the juices but they poured all over her face. The powerful orgasm rocked Taylor’s world. Once the spasms subsided, Julie pulled the vibrator out, turning it off and setting it back on the nightstand. Julie helped Taylor turn around so they were face to face. Taylor laid next to and halfway on top of Julie, laying her head on the top of her chest, arms around each other. After a moment the hotness of the sweating gave way to the coldness of evaporation. Julie reached down and tugged a blanket up over them. Taylor’s head resting just above Julie’s tit. Their heavy breathing subsided and they laid quietly.
Julie looked over at the clock. “It’s 12:31,” Julie whispered.
“How long was that?” Taylor asked.
“I think it was just over an hour,” Taylor replied.
“Man…I mean girl…I thought that was like twenty minutes,” Taylor sighed.
“Time flies when you’re having fun,” Julie said.
“So what does it do when your oozing fun out of your vagina?” Taylor asked, getting some laughs from Julie.
“You know what I could use?” Taylor asked rhetorically. “Some big ole dick.”
“Yeah.” Julie agreed. “Now my pussy wants to be filled,” Julie said.
“I think we should pick up some guys at a bar,” Taylor said.
“Didn’t we already have this conversation?” Julie asked.
“I think we should fuck some older guys…you know…guys that know what they’re doing,” Taylor said.
“Oh come on, Eric and Brad seemed to know what they were doing,” Julie defended them.
“Think about it, Eric and Brad have had sex a couple of times, I bet we are the highlight of their sex lives, but get some thirty-year old hot guys, they’ll have gotten so much pussy, we’ll just be another name on a list.” Taylor said.
“Yeah,” Julie said, falling asleep.
“Good night,” Taylor said, grabbing Julie’s tit, pulling it to her face and kissing the large nipple. Julie giggled and they fell off to sleep.
Chapter 12: Don’t Mind Us
Friday…
Taylor arrived at the dorm just after 2 P.M., having just finished her last class. As she had promised to Julie during their little “chat” last night, they were going to have some sex when classes were done. Taylor dropped her backpack by the front door. Julie was usually back before her. “Hello?” Taylor asked the empty dorm. She glanced in Alex and Cynthia’s room, and it was empty. Taylor walked into her bedroom…no Julie. Taylor saw the bathroom door was closed, so she went to open it and hopefully surprise Julie. Taylor pushed the door open, and she saw Cynthia peeing.
“Hey!” Cynthia said, putting her hands on her lap.
“Thought you were Julie,” Taylor said, leaning against the door frame.
“You could try knocking,” Cynthia said, “And you could try leaving.”
“What? Don’t like being watched?” Taylor teased.
“Not by someone who is checking me out,” Cynthia protested.
“Why don’t you admit that you are bi-sexual?” Taylor asked.
“Because I’m not,” Cynthia said.
“Yeah…right,” Taylor said, walking away, leaving the door open. Julie walked in the front door. “Hey,” Taylor said.
“Hi, whats with that?” Julie asked, seeing Cynthia peeing through the open door.
“Thought she was you,” Taylor said, walking up to Julie. They exchanged a quick kiss. Julie dropped her backpack next to Taylor’s.
“Hope you didn’t do anything to her,” Julie said.
“Want to give her a show?” Taylor asked quietly. Julie nodded in agreement. Taylor led the way back to the bathroom. Cynthia still sitting on the toilet, waiting for Taylor and Julie to leave before getting up, not wanting them to see her. Taylor and Julie walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind them.
“What are you guys doing?” Cynthia asked. Taylor smirked at her, then turned around and pushed Julie against the bathroom door, making out with her. Their hands were all over each other, making out wildly. “I don’t want to see that,” Cynthia said, looking away. Julie and Taylor started shedding clothes left and right, making sure to press against the inward opening bathroom door.
Julie slid down the door until she was sitting down, her jeans already halfway off, her nearly bare ass rested on the cold floor. Taylor crouched in front of her, kissing her all over. Soon Julie was topless, and Taylor’s kissing and playing descended to her chest. Julie put her hands on Taylor’s head, pushing her down. Taylor gave way, until she was laying down between Julie’s legs. She tugged at her cotton panties, bringing them from under her ass. Julie was sitting against the door naked now. Taylor buried her face in Julie’s wet pussy, lapping and sucking.
“Will you guys let me leave?” Cynthia pleaded. She was looking at Julie, Julie smiled and shook her head no. With Cynthia still looking at her, Julie grabbed her large breast and pulled it up, leaning down to lick her nipple, keeping her eyes on Cynthia’s. Cynthia looked away. Julie laughed, and she started petting Taylor’s head, encouraging her. Julie started moaning, softly at first but growing louder. Julie leaned forward to feel up Taylor, rubbing her hands lovingly on her back. She reached Taylor’s panties, and she pushed them down a little ways. Taylor reached back with one hand, now wet with Julie’s pussy juice, and tugged her panties off.
Julie put one hand down the back of Taylor’s ass, and was barely able to reach the tip of her pussy, getting a sample of wetness. Julie looked up and saw Cynthia was again looking at her. She licked her finger clean. “Can’t beat that taste,” Julie said in a deep sexy voice. Now Taylor put two fingers inside Julie’s pussy, pumping furiously. Julie moaned and put her head back against the door, closing her eyes and arching her back. “Oh…Taylor…mmm…ohhh” Julie moaned.
Taylor kept working her pussy hard. Julie was about to cum. “Yes…yes…oh…right there…oh Taylor…” Julie moaned, breathing heavily the whole time, her chest heaving her large tits up and down.
Cynthia was getting excited, her nipples getting hard, and then her pussy getting wet in a good way. She saw that Julie was definitely not watching her and Taylor had her face buried in a pussy. Cynthia tried to stop herself, but gave in, putting her hand in her crotch, lightly caressing her slit. Her other hand came up and massaged her tit. She kept watching the show.
Julie came, and came loudly, filling the air with high pitched moans of pleasure, Taylor lapped up her cum. No longer bothering with trapping Cynthia in the room, or even caring she was there, Julie and Taylor repositioned, making out and touching each other, rolling around until they were in a sixty-nine, laying sideways in front of the door.
Julie was aching to taste Taylor’s pussy, and dove right in. Taylor was working with her hands mostly now, her tongue just tickling Julie’s clit.
Cynthia was full on masturbating now. She knew she couldn’t be caught the way Julie and Taylor were laying. She was arching her back against the tank, keeping one eye on the hulk of tits and flesh across the room. Her hand was frigging her pussy, working hard. She had her other hand massaging her clit.
Julie and Taylor moaned and licked and sucked and moaned some more. Taylor came, Julie licking up the sweetness, and Julie would come, Taylor licking her cum. Their sweaty bodies moved against each other, and Cynthia watched the whole thing, smelling their pleasure from across the room.
Cynthia was getting near a big powerful orgasm. She closed her eyes, putting her head back. Her soft moans were nothing in comparison to the sounds coming from Julie and Taylor. She masturbated hard and fast, wanting to cum, just wanting it so badly.
Julie came, the big final cum that she has where she can’t go on. Taylor and Julie stopped. Julie laid on top of Taylor, laying her head on her thigh. They breathed heavily against each other, sweat covering them. Julie heard moaning, but thought it was Taylor still. After a moment she realized it wasn’t Taylor. Julie opened her eyes, and turned her head to see Cynthia masturbating feverishly.
The finger on her g-spot moved faster and faster, her clit screaming for more, Cynthia’s body exploded in ecstasy, the pulsing, euphoria rushing over her body, she came hard. “OHHHH…MMMM…AH..Ahhhhhhh,” Cynthia came. She leaned back against the tank. After a moment she felt the eyes on her. She looked and saw Taylor and Julie staring at her. Her eyes went wide. Julie and Taylor clapped, applauding the show Cynthia was giving them.
“Can I taste that one?” Taylor asked Cynthia.
Cynthia sighed. There was knocking on the door. “Hey! I gotta pee!” Alex said from outside. Julie and Taylor laughed. Julie and Taylor sat up, and Julie reached for the handle, letting Alex in. Alex stepped inside. “Well….what’d I miss?” Alex asked.
“She masturbated while watching us,” Taylor said.
“Well, that’s not exactly…” Cynthia tried to deny.
“She was so turned on she just had to pound out an orgasm,” Julie laughed. Cynthia stood up pulling her jeans up, and went to walk out. She stepped over naked Julie and Taylor, and past Alex, walking out and back to her room.
“Can I join in?” Alex asked.
“Well…we’re kind of tired…It’s Friday we gotta save some for tonight,” Taylor said.
“Your right, I’m meeting Brad tonight anyway,” Alex said. Alex stared at the two of them for a moment. “I really do need to pee,” Alex said.
“Oh right,” Taylor said, jumping up. Julie and Taylor picked up most of their clothes and walked over to their room.
Chapter 13: Young Lovers
A few minutes later…
“Hey,” Cynthia said to Josh on her cellphone, safely back in her room.
“Hey…whats wrong?” Josh asked.
“Nothing…well…sort of…can you come over?” Cynthia asked.
“I can be there in about half an hour,” Josh said.
“Okay…I really want to see you…don’t take too long,” Cynthia said, laying on her bed
“Alright…bye,” Josh said.
“Bye,” Cynthia replied, hanging up her cell phone. Alex walked into the room. “Shut the door,” Cynthia said, then noticed that Alex was on her phone. Alex shut the door behind her then sat down on the bottom bunk.
“I know…yeah…so like…ok…oh don’t forget to bring…ok…bye,” Alex talked on her cell phone.
“Who was that?” Cynthia asked.
“Brad,” Alex replied.
“Oh…what are you guys doing?” Cynthia asked.
“He’s coming over…can I have the room?” Alex asked.
“Well Josh is coming over…” Cynthia replied.
“Well…I don’t care, well figure something out,” Alex replied.
“Are you guys getting pretty serious?” Cynthia asked.
“I don’t know. I can’t really tell with him. I think its bad to have sex before starting a relationship,” Alex said.
“You think?” Cynthia said sarcastically.
“Oh shut up,” Alex said. “Uhhh…sometimes he’s really nice and I think we are doing well, and sometimes he seems really bored, like he would rather be doing something else,” Alex said.
“Well he does have a big cock,” Cynthia said, “so there’s something.”
“Yeah,” Alex said laughing, “What about you and Josh?”
“We’re doing alright. He seems to always say and do the right things.” Cynthia said.
“He must be gay,” Alex joked.
“No he is not gay,” Cynthia replied.
“Oh, so the sex is that good?” Alex asked, giggling.
“No comment,” Cynthia grinned.
“That’s a yes…I think I should listen in. Just pretend I’m not here,” Alex said.
Alex’s cell phone rang. “Hello?” Alex answered. “No…well my boyfriend is coming over…yeah…pretty good…no she’s busy too…ok…bye” Alex said.
“Who was that?” Cynthia asked.
“Tiffany,” Alex replied, “She wanted to know if we wanted to go clubbing with her and Stephanie.”
“You tell her we were too busy with our boyfriends?” Cynthia asked.
“Yep,” Alex replied. Alex started giggling.
“What?” Cynthia asked.
“You said ‘busy with our boyfriends’ and I started to imagine getting busy with Brad,” Alex said.
“Where are those boys?” Cynthia asked.
“I don’t know but if they don’t get here soon I might just come up there and have my way with you,” Alex said.
“Yeah…about that…” Cynthia trailed off, although she started to imagine it and got a little excited. There was a knock on the door.
“Who is it?” Cynthia asked.
“Brad,” Brad said.
“Come in,” Alex said happily. Brad walked in.
“Hey baby,” Brad said, walking in and then bending over to kiss Alex. “Hi Cynthia,” Brad said.
“Remember the condoms?” Alex asked. Brad pulled a box from his pocket and tossed it on the bed. Brad sat on the bed next to Alex.
“How was your day?” He asked her.
“Well…actually pretty boring until about ten minutes ago,” Alex said, “Why don’t you tell him what happened?”
Cynthia sighed. Then she recited the situation in the bathroom, ending with Alex’s arrival.
“That’s pretty hot,” Brad said.
“Yeah…and I was the only one here not getting any action,” Alex said. Alex leaned over and kissed Brad, hugging him.
“Cynthia…your boyfriend is here,” Taylor said, peeking in the room, and then Josh walked in.
“Hey,” Josh said. “Oh hi Brad, Alex,” He said seeing them on the bottom bunk. Josh jumped up and on Cynthia’s bed.
“Shoes,” Cynthia said.
“Sorry,” Josh said, taking off his shoes and tossing them off the bed. He laid down beside Cynthia. Cynthia was on her back, and Josh laid halfway on her, laying his head on the pillow beside her.
“How was your day?” Josh asked. Cynthia sighed. Alex and Brad laughed from underneath. Cynthia, again described the events in the bathroom.
“That’s pretty hot,” Josh said.
“That’s what I said,” Brad said from the bottom bunk, laughing.
“You want to have sex?” Alex whispered in Brad’s ear. Brad nodded, running his hand along Alex’s back.
“We’re going to take off, I’ll see you later,” Alex said, standing up, Brad in tow.
“Bye.” Cynthia said.
“See ya,” Josh said.
Alex and Brad walked into the living room. Julie and Taylor were sitting on the couch watching a porno. “Do you guys ever take a break?” Alex giggled.
“We’re taking a break right now,” Taylor said simply.
“Let me know if this one is any good,” Alex said pointing at the TV.
“Where you guys going?” Julie asked.
“We’re going to go find someplace quiet…” Alex said.
“Well…let us know if its any good,” Julie said.
“Bye,” Brad said.
“Bye,” Julie said.
Taylor looked over at Julie. “I wish you had his cock,” Taylor said.
“Aww…but what would I do with my sweet pussy?” Julie asked.
“You’d have both,” Taylor clarified.
“So…in this…fantasy whatever…could I fuck myself then?” Julie asked.
“I don’t see why not,” Taylor said.
“I like,” Julie said, watching the porno again.
“I’m glad we could be alone,” Josh said, kissing Cynthia’s neck, his hand running up her stomach and to her small pert tits. His kisses traveled up her neck to her cheek and to her mouth.
“Stop,” Cynthia said.
“What?” Josh asked.
“I…I don’t feel like it right now,” Cynthia said.
“What?!?...you just told me about how you masturbated watching your roommates…but when I want to make love to you you’re not in the mood?” Josh asked.
“I…I just don’t want to right now…” Cynthia said. Josh kissed her on the mouth, and then put his hand at the bottom of her shirt working up under it.
“Josh…not now,” Cynthia said. Josh sighed, and sat up next to her.
“Maybe they’re right,” Josh said, “maybe you are a lesbian.”
“Shut up…just because I’m not in the mood doesn’t make me gay!” Cynthia protested.
“But you were in the mood what half an hour ago?...oh wait, if I remember the story correctly, they get naked in front of you and suddenly you are in the mood. But I try to get you in the mood, I kiss you, I hug you, I caress you, and you tell me to stop?” Josh went on a rant.
“Josh…please, can we just talk about something else for a while. “ Cynthia asked.
“Like what?” Josh protested.
“I don’t know,” Cynthia said. Josh got up and leapt off the bed.
“Call me when you decide if you’re straight or not,” Josh said, walking out the door.
“Oh…god Damnit…” Cynthia mumbled, laying back on her bed. She laid there thinking for a second. “Fuck!” She said loudly, sitting up. Cynthia jumped off the bed and walked into the living room. Nobody was in the living room, but there was a porno playing on TV. A blonde bimbo with huge fake tits was getting fucked up the ass by a black guy with a huge cock. Cynthia rolled her eyes and glanced into Taylor and Julie’s room. She didn’t see anyone, so she walked into the kitchen. There was a small tub of ice cream, Cynthia pulled it out and grabbed a spoon from the drawer. She plopped down on the couch, watching the porno to take her mind off things.
The black guy pulled out and blasted a huge load down the Blonde’s throat. She swallowed it and then bragged about swallowing. The scene faded to black. Cynthia sat there, curled up on the couch, eating ice cream. The next scene started. Two hot girls were making out. The making out turned into lesbian sex. “Damnit Taylor,” Cynthia said, not happy with the pick. It was turning her on a little bit. Then a guy walked in. ‘Hey ladies’ the guy said. Of course the two naked hot girls dropped what they were doing to pull his pants down. His cock came out, a good foot long probably, and they took turns slobbering on it. Cynthia got wet. She was suddenly really turned on. The sucking went on for a little longer and then they took turns getting pounded by his huge cock, ravaging their cute pussies. Cynthia felt the need to play with herself. Some more fucking went on for a while. Cynthia was ready to full on masturbate. The guy pulled out of one girl and they rushed to get the cumshot, which he blasted over both of their faces. They lapped the cum off each other’s faces and made out. Cynthia frantically pulled the cell phone out of her pocket. She pressed a few buttons and had it calling Josh.
“Yeah?” Josh said, knowing it was Cynthia when he answered.
“Come over,” Cynthia said.
“Why?” Josh asked.
“Just do it!” Cynthia said firmly, hanging up the phone. She quickly put away the ice cream, and walked back to her bedroom. She rummaged through her dresser and found her silk nightgown. She grabbed it and walked to the bathroom. Cynthia jumped in the shower, quickly washing off in the hot water. In a matter of minutes she was dryed off, and rubbing some lotion on her skin. She put on her nightgown, which went barely down to the middle of her thigh, and she walked out into the living room, carrying her clothes. She grabbed her cell phone from the pocket and tossed her clothes into her room. She sat down on the couch and watched some more porno, waiting for Josh.
Josh knocked on the door, and Cynthia quickly answered in her nightgown. “Come in,” Cynthia said sexily, closing the door behind Josh.
“Hi,” Josh said, putting his hands on her waist. “What happened?” Cynthia led them over to the couch, sitting down.
“I was mad, then I got a little sad…I went for the chocolate ice cream, and then I started to watch the porn that Julie and Taylor probably left on …and then a lesbian part came on, and it kinda turned me on. And I was just…frustrated I guess…but then the guy came in and started fucking these girls, and I got so much hotter. I just…I just wanted to fuck right then…and like I realized…it was like an epiphany, just I like girls, ok, its fun, but I really like guys.” Cynthia rambled on, smiling widely.
“So…watching porn got you in the mood?” Josh asked.
“Well…I think I was just frustrated before…about the whole guys and girls thing…so when you wanted sex, I just didn’t want to deal with it…but then I had that realization, and then I felt stupid for driving you away,” Cynthia rattled on. She got up on her knees on top of Josh as he sat back on the couch, running her hands up his chest. He put his hands on her waist.
“I’m sorry that I left…I was just frustrated about the whole thing too,” Josh said, looking into Cynthia’s brown eyes. She leaned over to kiss him, her blonde curly hair hanging down around their faces. They shared a short little French kiss.
“Cynthia…I just want to make love to you,” Josh said.
“Well…maybe later…right now I want you to fuck me,” Cynthia said, smiling. Cynthia leaned down again, kissing Josh. She reached down for his shirt, tugging upward. He took over, taking his shirt off. Cynthia stood up. “Off,” Cynthia said, pointing at his pants. Josh quickly took all his clothes off as he sat there, wriggling his pants off. Cynthia stood over his muscular naked body. “Let’s go baby,” Cynthia said, as she dropped to her knees. Cynthia was definitely ready to go, but Josh’s cock was half limp. She jerked his seven inch cock a few times, then licked the length of his shaft. Cynthia put her lips around the head and sucked on him, bringing his cock to life. “Mmmm…get it nice and hard,” Cynthia moaned.
Cynthia stood up and then got on top of Josh as he sat back on the couch. Her knees on either side of him, she lowered herself to him. The silk nightgown still clinging to her excited body, Josh held his cock up as her pussy descended to it. His thick cock pierced her wet pink lips as her weight came down. Cynthia moaned and shivered as her pussy was filled up in that special way, sending small pleasure waves through her body. “Oh your so big,” Cynthia encouraged.
“You’re fucking tight,” Josh moaned as his cock was fully inside her hot pussy. Cynthia started bouncing up and down on him, fucking him, her small pert tits bounced under the thin silk. Josh groped her tits through the fabric, moaning loudly. Her ass impacted his thighs on every thrust. “Oh….mmm…yes” Cynthia moaned, her hands on his shoulders. Her pussy was dripping all over his crotch. Cynthia got off of Josh and laid down on the couch next to him. He immediately got up and then jumped on top of her. One of her legs was against the back of the couch, and the other leg went straight up in the air as Josh came down on her, fucking her hard. She wrapped her leg around him, as he fucked her into the couch.
“Fuck me hard,” Cynthia moaned.
“Cynthia…ohhh…yes” Josh moaned, his cock pounding away at her. They fucked for several gloriously agonizing minutes. Cynthia was building toward a massive orgasm. She rolled over and onto all fours. Josh fucked her from behind, laying his chest on her back and thrusting deep inside her, hitting her g-spot. Josh reached around and played with her clit with one hand. Cynthia just arched her back, closed her eyes, and went for the orgasmic ride. They were sweating and moaning all over the couch.
“Oh my god!” Cynthia moaned, her pussy on fire, wanting to cum.
“Fuck yes!” Josh yelled, fucking her doggystyle.
Cynthia came. Waves of pleasure shot out from her pussy to every corner of her body. Her ears were ringing, her body pulsating with pleasure. She moaned a loud high pitched series of grunts. Her pussy went crazy on Josh’s cock, squeezing twisting and fucking him. Josh kept pounding her from behind as she came. Her pussy shot a load of juices on him. Cynthia laid down face first on the couch. Josh sat back, panting loudly. “Fuck!” Josh said, bewildered.
“Oh my god,” Cynthia moaned euphorically. Josh laid on his back, breathing heavily, his cock pointed skyward. Cynthia fought the orgasm for control of her body, and she threw herself on top of Josh, sixty-nine style. Her pussy suddenly plopped down in front of his face. Josh grabbed her ass and went to town on her slit, licking and sucking the pussy cum from his girlfriend. Cynthia sucked Josh off livingly, using her mouth in every way she knew how, stroking him with her hand. Her head bobbed up and down, pleasuring him, sucking her juices from his thick hard cock. Josh grunted loudly, his face buried in her pussy. His balls emptied, his cock exploded inside her mouth, pulsing and oozing his cum into her mouth. His sticky wad filled her mouth. Cynthia savored the moment, sucking him off, still bobbing her head and stroking his pulsating cock. Josh kept on licking her sweet pussy.
“I love you,” Josh said, between tongue laps on her clit.
“I love you too,” Cynthia said, pulling her mouth from his cock. They both kept on performing oral. Josh’s cock went half-way limp for a while, but with Cynthia’s encouragement, it curbed that trend and started getting hard again.
Just then, the front door busted open…
Chapter 14: LOVE!
An Hour earlier…
Alex and Brad walked out of Alex’s dorm, having exchanged good-byes, with Julie and Taylor. “Your place?” Alex asked Brad.
“Yeah,” Brad said, as they got to the stairwell.
“Do you have any drinks there?” Alex asked.
“Yeah I should,” Brad replied. They got to the lobby and walked out of the stairwell, and then out of the building. It was a short walk to Brad’s car, a blue Mitsubishi Eclipse. Brad hit the button on his keypad, unlocking the doors. The two got in the car and Brad drove out of the parking lot. Brad’s Frat house was on the other side of campus and a good distance away.
“How were your classes today?” Alex asked.
“Fine,” Brad said, shrugging. “I still can’t believe you and your roommates, its just crazy,” Brad said.
“It just kind of worked out like that…” Alex said matter-of-factly. “We’re lovers not fighters,” Alex joked.
“Do you know any other girls that are like that…like all the roommates?” Brad asked.
“I don’t know…people don’t just come out with that information very often. People on our floor know that Taylor and Julie are together, but they don’t really know anything else. But, I bet there are rumours.” Alex said.
“So what do you want to do?” Brad asked Alex.
“What’d you mean? I asked you to buy condoms didn’t I?” Alex said. Brad laughed. They sat at a stop light for what seemed like five minutes. “This drive is making me hot, just anticipating…” Alex said, looking over and smiling at Brad.
“Me too,” Brad said, his cock semi-erect, poking at his jeans.
“I can tell,” Alex said. The light turned green, the car in the front wasn’t paying attention and wasted several seconds sitting in the left turn lane. Finally the line got moving, but the light changed before Brad and Alex could go.
“This light!” Brad said, sitting back knowing they had a good wait. Alex reached her left hand over and laid it on his thigh, next to his cock.
“It’ll be okay,” Alex reassured Brad. Her hand moved slowly down his thigh till her hand brushed up against his cock.
“Don’t tease me, I already can’t wait to get home,” Brad said.
“We don’t have to wait,” Alex whispered, brushing her black hair behind her ears. She rubbed her hand against his cock through his jeans. Alex reached over and unzipped, and tugged open his fly. She reached her small hand through the opening in the front of his boxers, grabbing his eight inch hard cock, pulling it up through the opening. Alex leaned over some more, having to brush her hair back again, putting her lips on the tip of his cock. She licked the end, sucking on the tip. Her hand gently stroked the length of his dick. She descended her warm wet toying mouth down around his head and shaft. Brad moaned as Alex’s loving mouth pleasured his cock.
Alex slowly bobbed her head, licking and sucking all around. She pulled her mouth off, slurping on the end of his wet hard cock. “You like that baby?” Alex asked him, leaning up to make out with him. Brad kissed her back, then pushed her head back down. Alex sucked him hard and fast, threatening to make him cum. The light changed. Brad almost didn’t notice, but caught himself, and turned through the intersection with his cock being sucked. It was just a few blocks to the frat. Brad parked, and Alex lifted her mouth from his thick meat. “We’re here already? Time flies when you’re sucking cock,” Alex said.
“Well…maybe for you it does,” Brad said chuckling. Brad quickly tucked his cock away, zipping up his pants, still quite visibly pitching a tent. He grabbed the box of condoms, and got out of the car. They walked into the frat, and up the stairs to his room. “Good, Eric isn’t here,” Brad said as they walked into his room. Alex sat down on Brad’s bed, and he shut the door. Brad ripped open the box and grabbed the string of condoms, tearing one off the strip. He stood in front of Alex.
“Let’s get to it,” Brad said excitedly. He stripped off his clothes in front of Alex until he was naked. Alex sat back admiring his six foot muscular figure. He slipped on the love glove and sat next to Alex. He kissed her on the neck.
“Let’s get it on,” Alex said. She pulled her shirt off, her black bra remaining. She reached behind her back undoing the strap, releasing her small pert tits. She dropped the bra on the floor. She grabbed Brad and they started making out. They laid out on his bed, Alex on bottom. They kissed and touched each other all over. Brad grabbed the waist of her Jeans and tugged down. Alex had to help him getting the tight jeans off of her. Finally she was down to her black panties, which were off a few seconds later. Brad grabbed his cock and shoved it inside of Alex immediately after the panties were gone.
“Ohh,” Alex moaned as the eight inch cock penetrated her pussy. She would have preferred some foreplay, but she couldn’t blame him since she had gotten him so excited in the car. Brad started humping away at her wettening pussy, the bed squeaking loudly, they bounced up and down. Alex arched her back as his big cock ravaged her pussy. Brad was humping furiously, his face between her tits, grunting heavily. Alex moaned and panted as he fucked her.
“Yeah baby…ohhh…give it to me,” Alex moaned. Brad continued to pound her pussy, her juices filling the room with the wonderful aroma. Brad had been too excited to begin with and he felt his orgasm coming.
“Oh shit,” Brad exclaimed, as his cock unloaded deep inside Alex, inside the condom. His thrusts stopped and he rested on her.
“It’s okay baby,” Alex encouraged, “We have all weekend.”
“Fuck…your pussy is just so tight,” Brad said.
“Well maybe that has something to do with your cock being so big,” Alex said.
The door opened and Eric walked in. Brad’s body pretty well covered up Alex. “Hey guys,” Eric said normally.
“Hey,” Brad said. Eric sat down on his bed, looking through his backpack for something.
“Hey, why don’t you fuck Eric while my cock is recovering,” Brad said to Alex.
“What?!?” Alex whispered back. “I want to be with you,” Alex said smiling.
“It’s okay if you fuck other people, I don’t care,” Brad said.
“I know that, but I want to be with you,” Alex said.
“Oh come on…You can fuck him and I’ll watch, and I’ll get my hard on back sooner, and then we can have some more fun,” Brad said.
“But I don’t want to!” Alex whispered back slightly angrily.
“Hey, I don’t want him to get in trouble on my behalf, I’ll be out of here in a minute anyway,” Eric said. Alex was embarrassed that he had heard her, though Brad pretty well gave it away with how loud he was ‘whispering.’ A minute later Eric left the room.
“It’s really okay, I don’t care if you came too soon,” Alex said trying to reassure his manhood.
“But…you don’t have to worry about fucking other people, I really don’t care,” Brad said.
“I know that,” Alex said.
“I mean, I have fuck other girls,” Brad said simply.
“What!?!” Alex protested.
“What?” Brad replied.
“You don’t fuck other girls, why would you fuck other girls?” Alex was angry.
“Hey! You fuck other girls!” Brad protested.
“Yeah, but that’s different,” Alex said.
“Oh, because its not with a guy?” Brad said angrily.
“No! Because you knew about that to begin with, I never lied to you about anything,” Alex yelled.
“I didn’t lie either,” Brad said.
“You didn’t tell me you were sleeping around!” Alex yelled.
“You didn’t ask!” Brad yelled back. Alex escaped from underneath Brad, standing up naked.
“Oh…don’t leave,” Brad said as Alex started getting dressed.
“This isn’t even a relationship,” Alex said condescendingly. “I’m just one of the girls you fuck,” Alex said angrily. “I can’t believe I even wanted to date you!”
“Fuck you bitch! Like you didn’t do anything wrong!” Brad yelled.
“I didn’t! You fucking cheated on me,” Alex yelled.
“Well good luck getting home bitch!” Brad yelled as Alex finished throwing her clothes on. She walked out the door slamming it behind her.
She ran down the stairs. Eric was sitting in the front room. “Hey Eric, can you drive me home?” Alex asked nicely.
“Yeah sure, whats?...whats going on?” He asked, jumping to his feet.
“Brad’s an asshole,” Alex said.
“Sorry,” Eric said, walking with her out the front door to his car. He drove her back towards her dorm.
“Sorry about him, he thinks he’s fucking Colin Farrel or something,” Eric apologized
“Don’t worry about,” Alex said, fighting back the tears now that the anger faded away. “I’ll be alright.”
He dropped her off in front of the dorm. Alex tried to be strong, but she couldn’t help it. They had gotten along so well, she really liked him, but she wasn’t his girlfriend, she was just another girl to him. What a prick, she thought. She walked up the stairs, the first tear running down her cheek. She got to her floor, the tears started coming. She got to the front door, trying to get the key in the lock, but she couldn’t get it to go in. She stopped, leaning against the door, crying loudly. She finally got the lock to open, and she pushed the door open.
Alex started balling as the door opened. She saw Cynthia and Josh in a sixty-nine on the couch. Alex slowly walked through the living room towards her room. The couple on the couch stopped to watch her balling. Cynthia jumped up and walked up next to Alex, naked. Cynthia put her arm around Alex’s shoulder. Her eyes were filled with tears, and she could barely see. Josh sat up, watching them walk into their room. He walked behind them, not wanting to interfere.
“What’s wrong?” Cynthia asked. Alex couldn’t get whole words out of her mouth, just making noises as she cried. They got to Alex’s bed, sitting on the edge. Josh walked in naked. Alex had her head down and didn’t see him. Cynthia motioned for him to get on the top bunk. He jumped up there and laid down, just listening.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Cynthia reassured Alex, as Alex hugged her, both of them wrapping their arms around each other. Alex was shivering, it was kind of cold and she wasn’t wearing all that much. Cynthia grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around the both of them, as they sat on the bed. Alex rested her head on Cynthia’s shoulder, tears poured onto the blanket on her shoulder. Alex started to settle down.
“It’s okay,” Cynthia said again, hugging her tightly.
“Brad…he’s been cheating on me,” Alex said, wiping her cheeks.
“It’s alright, you don’t need him,” Cynthia said.
“I was just another girl to him,” Alex said, barely holding her composure.
“You don’t need him, there are plenty of other guys out there, he wasn’t good enough for you, you deserve a really great partner, you know that don’t you,” Cynthia reassured Alex.
“I just…I thought…you know I really liked him,” Alex said, losing her composure and balling again. Cynthia laid her down. They were on their sides, hugging tightly, with a big blanket tightly wrapped around them. Cynthia rubbed her hands up and down Alex’s back, comforting her. She laid her cheek against Alex’s, doing all she could.
“You should be glad to get rid of him, he didn’t deserve you,” Cynthia said softly. Alex hugged Cynthia very tightly.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin your day,” Alex apologized to Cynthia for cutting off her sex.
“Oh don’t you be worrying about me, I’m here for you right now,” Cynthia reassured. Cynthia put her hand on Alex’s cheek, lovingly comforting her. Alex looked into Cynthia’s eyes, through her tears.
“You don’t need him, you don’t need to have a boyfriend, you have three roommates that care about you,” Cynthia said, looking deeply into Alex’s eyes. Alex reached her hand up and placed it on Cynthia’s cheek as Cynthia’s was on hers. Alex slowly leaned forward, and pressed her lips softly against Cynthia’s. She kissed her softly for a moment, then leaned back, staring deeply into her eyes.
Cynthia was taken aback at first. She hadn’t expected the kiss. But then she looked into Alex’s eyes, and she recognized some feelings within herself that she had not previously noticed. She thought she was caring for Alex like she was her own sister, or even acting motherly to her. But now she couldn’t not see a distinction between that and a deeper lover, one of total unconditional love, caring, and devotion. Alex was like a wounded puppy, something had happened to her, damaging her in some way. Now she was feeling something for her, something she could in no way deny or ignore. Suddenly Cynthia didn’t care about anything in the world. In one of these moments, the whole world disappears, ideas, notions, taboos, promises, rules, they all disappear, no longer relevant. All she saw in front of her was love, and it didn’t matter what form it took.
Cynthia’s mind raced through all of this almost instantly. The moment after seemed to draw out like a blade to Cynthia, but it was but a moment in time. Cynthia didn’t even make a conscious decision, or weigh her options, not even thinking about it, she lunged forward, putting her hands on both of Alex’s cheeks, her lips pressing against Alex’s. Their tongues met, tangling together. Cynthia squeezed Alex tighter, furiously running her hands all over her. At that moment, Cynthia wanted Alex so much, she wanted to be so close to her she was inside of her, not in the way of sexual intercourse, but in a spiritual sense. She wanted them to leave the constraints of their bodies and be one as a spirit. Of course, that wasn’t something she could do, and her only way of showing that desire was through physical touch.
They kissed, passionately falls short of describing it. They had something akin to love at first sight. It wasn’t first sight, but it was an instant moment when love ‘happened’. It isn’t fair to say that they fell in love, because it takes time to fall, they became love. While Cynthia had the momentous second, Alex had sensed it coming on for a short time before she kissed Cynthia.
They both awoke from the daze of love, suddenly aware of their physical bodies once again, no longer acting on pure instincts. “Oh I love you,” Cynthia said just barely breaking her kiss with Alex.
“I know,” Alex said, eyes closed, grabbing Cynthia to kiss her again. That got Josh’s attention on the top bunk. He had heard them making out, and somewhat shrugged it off as something they would do. Now he looked over the side of the bed at them making out lovingly.
“I want you,” Alex moaned.
“Ohh…Alex…Ohh” Cynthia moaned as their kissing stopped. Alex took advantage of Cynthia being naked already. Both of their hands were moving everywhere on each other. Alex put one hand between Cynthia’s legs, finding her pussy already very wet. She moved her hand over her lips rapidly, rolling on top of her. Cynthia was desperately trying to remove Alex’s clothing, piece by piece she struggled. Alex was massaging Cynthia’s pussy rapidly. The emotions were overwhelming for both of them, even rising above the level of sexual stimulation. Cynthia came, moaning loudly, “I love you!”
Soon Alex was being massaged in return by Cynthia, Josh watching from the top bunk. Alex was influenced even more by the emotion roller coaster. She came quickly and hard, waves of pleasure searing through her. “Ohhh!!!” Alex moaned in ecstasy. Josh jumped down from the top bunk, naked. Alex was on top of Cynthia, and they were over against the wall. Josh laid down on the bed next to them. The powerful orgasms stopped the girls in their tracks, and they just laid with each other, glowing with love.
Cynthia suddenly realized what Josh must be thinking, wondering if she didn’t love him anymore. She reached from under Alex’s grasp for Josh, bringing his face into hers and kissing him deeply. She released him and he laid up against the side of the girls.
“This is confusing,” Cynthia said. “I love you Josh…I love you Alex,” Cynthia said, looking at both of them.
“I love you too,” They both said at the same time.
“This is bad isn’t it?” Cynthia asked them.
“I don’t know,” Alex said.
“I…I don’t mind if you love her,” Josh said, looking into Cynthia’s eyes.
“I don’t mind either,” Alex said.
“Who says you cant love two people?” Josh asked.
“Yeah,” Alex said. “And I like Josh, we get along great.”
“This could work,” Josh said hopefully.
“Well…I guess we don’t have a choice but to give it a shot,” Cynthia said, “Cause it’s either try this, or pick one of you,” Cynthia frowned. “And I don’t think I could pick one of you.”
“You don’t have to, This could work,” Josh said, leaning in and kissing Cynthia again.
“This could work,” Cynthia said, suddenly smiling very big. Her left hand started massaging Alex’s pussy, her right hand stroking Josh’s cock. “Let’s make this work,” Cynthia moaned, working harder with both hands. Cynthia escaped from underneath Alex. She pushed Josh onto his back. Cynthia crawled down and laid sideways, across his thighs. His cock sat in front of her face, and she quickly started sucking him. She laid somewhat on her side, so that Alex could eat her out, which she immediately started to do. Alex turned around and was laying next to Josh with her head laying on Cynthia’s left thigh, her pussy in front of her face. Alex lapped at Cynthia’s sweet pussy, wanting to please her so much, desiring her stronger than she had ever desired anything. Josh laid back, Cynthia sucking his cock. He turned his head to the left, and there was Alex’s ass, her lower legs were sticking straight in the air, as she excitedly ate out Cynthia. Not sure of the rules, or whatever, he stopped caring. Josh leaned over slightly, pushing Alex’s right leg up in the air, until she was on her side. Josh pulled on her hips, bringing her to him a little. He laid his head on her inner right thigh, and her pussy was right there. He didn’t love Alex, but he didn’t want her to go unpleasured. He lapped at her sweet pussy, fingering her gently.
Cynthia looked up, expecting her eyes to meet Josh’s, but instead she saw him eating out Alex. She smiled, his cock halfway in her mouth. Then she was surprised by her response, not feeling any jealousy. How could you be jealous, one of your lovers was pleasing your other lover. You want them both to feel pleasure, what’s not to like. Cynthia massaged his balls with her hand, sucking on his shaft.
Alex was a little surprised by Josh’s move, but instantly went along with it, her pussy ached to be touched, and now it was lovingly pleasured by a skilled tongue. Cynthia started to cum, her pussy releasing a wave of sweet cum that Alex enjoyed thoroughly, as she continued to pleasure her. Then Alex came, Josh’s touch bringing her orgasmic pleasure. The moaning was reaching a fevered pitch. All three of them were quite sweaty, breathing heavily as they pleasured in a position they did not know existed. It occurred to Alex that this was just a variation on the Lesbian triangle she had engaged in with Taylor and Julie. Her mind wandered slightly in her euphoric post orgasmic state. She wondered what it would be like if all five of them engaged in it. The love…pentagon…Alex giggled to herself, or into Cynthia.
Josh was about to climax. He didn’t really decide not to warn Cynthia, so much as he was too busy to think about it. Cynthia sucked on him as his cock spurted white goo in her mouth. Cynthia licked up and down his cock as he came, getting jizz all over her cheek. Cynthia kept sucking his cock as it slowly softened. She laid her head on his thigh when he became limp, staring lovingly at him as he ate Alex. The pussy eating slowly died down, as everyone relaxed, staying in their positions.
“Well…that was interesting,” Cynthia said, smiling as widely as she could, though she wasn’t trying.
“You could say that again,” Alex said, smiling in the same manner.
“Or…we could DO that again…” Josh said, and they all laughed, “and again, and again.”
“So what’s the etiquette about showering after the three-way?” Cynthia asked.
“What’d do you mean?” Josh asked.
“Well…we could just take this whole party into the shower, but it might get a little crowded in there,” Cynthia clarified.
“Oh…if you guys want to shower together that’s fine with me,” Josh said.
“I love you,” Cynthia said. They both said it back.
“Let’s get that shower,” Alex said. Alex and Cynthia started to get up,
“But…I get to watch,” Josh added a stipulation.
“Okay,” Alex said, smirking at Josh.
“Let’s go,” Josh said, getting up. Alex and Cynthia grabbed some clothes from their drawers, and Josh followed them into the living room, picking his clothes up off the floor. The three of them went into the bathroom. Alex and Cynthia showered, cleaning each other, laughing and joking around, the three of them started down an uncertain path, but they would go headlong into the consequences, good or bad.
Chapter 15: Older Men
Earlier that day…
Julie and Taylor got dressed up to go to a bar. Plan was to have sex with some older men who knew how to handle a woman properly. It was still early in the afternoon, and they had sex on their minds. They went into the living room and popped in a porno, just passing the time. While they watched, Josh and Brad showed up to see Cynthia and Alex, and then Brad and Alex left.
“Should we ask to see their cocks first?” Julie asked Taylor.
“What before we go home with them?” Taylor asked.
“Yeah,” Julie replied.
“I wouldn’t want to get there and find a tiny dick in his shorts,” Taylor said. Julie laughed. “How old are we shooting for?”
“I think anywhere between 27 and 40 should be good,” Julie said.
“Let’s not go too old, i mean, my dad is 45,” Taylor replied.
“What are you going to do with him?” Julie asked.
“I think he’ll be the one deciding what we do,” Taylor said.
“You know, we could just parlay this into a night of free drinks,” Julie laughed.
“Yeah, those forty year old men won’t know what to do when two eighteen year olds go in there,” Taylor said.
“When are we going?” Julie asked.
“We shouldn’t get there before like four I guess,” Taylor replied.
“Well, it’ll probably be about four if we leave now,” Julie said.
“Well what are we waiting for!” Taylor said jumping to her feet. Taylor was wearing a tight jean skirt, and a black t-shirt that was several sizes too small, her 36 c breasts spilling out of them, and her blonde shoulder length hair was extra bouncy today. Julie was wearing a black dress that came down just past her knees, hugging her curves all the way down. Her brown wavy long hair was done up too, handing near her 40d tits. They both had perfume of some sort on, and makeup that made them look…maybe…maybe 21 at the most. They walked out the door, leaving the porno playing.
“I’m so excited!” Julie said as they walked down the stairs. A hot looking guy walked past them going up the stairs, exchanging looks with Julie.
“Forget it, remember our goals,” Taylor said, keeping Julie on target. They got out to Taylor’s SUV and she drove them over to the bar.
“I hate this light,” Taylor said, stopping at a red.
“Hey! Isn’t that Brad’s car?” Julie said, pointing to the turn lane next to them and several cars down.
“I don’t know…it looks like it,” Taylor said. Their light went green and Taylor pressed the accelerator. The light turned yellow and Taylor knew they wouldn’t make it, two cars ahead of them stopping at the red. The turn signal turned green.
“Here they come,” Julie said, looking behind them. The Blue Eclipse pulled up and had to stop at the red light, having to wait again.
“That’s her!” Taylor said, seeing Alex in the car next to and two cars down from them.
“I’m gonna call her,” Taylor said, reaching into her pocket for her cell phone. She struggled for a moment to get it from the tight pocket of her skirt.
“Wait!” Julie said, and Taylor looked up. “Is she…?”
“Haha, Oh my god, you go girl,” Taylor said, seeing Alex, her roommate, going down on Brad in the middle of Traffic.
“I don’t think I could drive like that!” Julie laughed, “that would be WAY to distracting”
“Especially if you cum while you’re driving,” Taylor agreed. Her light went green.
“Green light,” Julie said to Taylor, and she quickly hit the accelerator. They drove past them, looking over down into the car, easily seeing Alex slurping on Brad’s big cock. Julie and Taylor laughed, pulling through the intersexion.
They pulled into the Single’s Bar parking lot. This bar is a lot different from the clubs and bars that college kids go to, everything about it is different, catered to the older audience. The parking lot was nearly empty.
“What the hell?” Taylor thought out loud.
“Why is this place so dead? It’s four on a Friday!” Julie said.
“Ohh…they have jobs,” Taylor said laughing at both of their stupidity. “I’m blaming this on you, I’m blonde I don’t know any better.”
“Shut up,” Julie said, “Lets go in anyway.” They got out and walked to the bar, stepping inside the darkened bar, they saw almost no people inside. They walked up and sat down on stools at the bar. The bartender came over.
“How old are you?” He asked.
“Old enough,” Taylor said.
“Kids…” The bartender said walking away. Julie and Taylor looked around. There were four guys sitting at a table in one corner of the bar, and there were two guys at the bar a little ways down from them.
“Hey!” Julie said to the bartender, and he walked back toward them.
“What?” He asked impatiently.
“Where is everybody?” Julie asked.
“It’s four o’clock, they’re working,” He said to them like they were idiots…
“When does it get busy?” Julie asked.
“About five thirty it starts to pick up, but it wont get busy until eight or so,” He said. “You two are at least eighteen right?”
“Yes,” Taylor replied.
“Good, don’t want any damn jailbait in here,” The bartender said, walking away again.
“Did you check out any of those guys?” Julie asked Taylor, referring to the four in the corner that were behind them as they sat at the bar.
“Not really,” Taylor replied.
“Well…we need to get some fucking older guys that are fucking hot,” Julie said some what angrily.
“Should we come back later?” Taylor asked her.
“I don’t know…” Julie replied. Two women walked in the bar, probably late twenties. They looked like they just got off work from some kind of office. The women came to the bar near Julie and Taylor. The women ordered beers and sat at a table off to their side. The women looked over at Julie and Taylor like they were whores.
“Did you see the look she gave us?” Julie whispered to Taylor.
“Probably jealous of our eighteen year old asses,” Taylor replied.
“Excuse me,” A man said, moving over a few stools, he was one of the two that were at the bar already.
“Yes?” Julie asked.
“I happened to overhear you’re conversation,” The man said.
“And?” Julie asked impatiently.
“It sounds like you just want to get out of here and have some fun,” The man said.
“Maybe,” Julie said, checking the guy out. Not bad, probably thirty-five or so, fairly tall, not real muscular or anything, but not bad.
“I’m Brian,” He said, smiling and moving down one more stool to just beside Julie.
“Julie.”
“Nice to meet you, so…you want to just get out of here?” Brian asked.
“Oh come on now…You have to at least buy me a drink.
“Hey, can I get a beer down here?” Brian asked the bartender.
“Only a beer? Come on, get me two shots of Tequila,” Julie said.
“Alright then,” Brian said, getting her shots of Tequila, and doing some with her.
“So…you want to get out of here now?” He asked.
“Well, I won’t just leave her here alone, so unless your buddy over there wants to buy her some drinks and take her home, we’ll just have to wait.
“Tom! Get over here,” Brian yelled. Tom walked over. “Sit over there,” Brian told him, and Tom sat next to Taylor on the other side.
“Hi, I’m Tom.”
“Taylor,” Taylor said, shaking his hand. Taylor checked him out and was unimpressed. She suckered two shots and a beer out of him.
“No…I don’t think I want to go home with you,” Taylor said loudly.
“Taylor!” Julie protested.
“What!” Taylor said to Julie. Tom, rejected walked back to where he was sitting.
“I’ll go sit with him, just tell me when she had plans and we can get out of here,” Brian said.
“Okay,” Julie said smiling to him.
“What’d you do that for!?!” Julie asked Taylor.
“He was ugly, I wasn’t going to fuck him,” Taylor said. After a while the bar started to get more busy. Soon a waitress brought over two beers for Julie and Taylor, pointing out to them which two guys had bought them beers. Julie and Taylor smiled at the guys and sat there drinking. The guys never came over, but another round was bought for them by another two guys a little later.
“Are they ever coming over here?” Taylor asked Julie, feeling their eyes on them.
“What are the doing?” Julie asked rhetorically, the guys taking a while to come over. Finally they did.
“Hi,” one guy said to Julie, the other stood by Taylor.
“I’ve already got plans, sorry,” Julie replied.
“You want to get out of here?” Taylor asked the guy that came up to her, after only a hi.
“Sure,” He said.
“Taylor,” Taylor said.
“Will,” The guy said, Taylor had already checked him out and made up her mind.
“Let’s go,” Taylor turned and said to Julie.
“Ok,” Julie replied. Julie looked over to Brian down the bar, he was on his cell phone, covering his other ear. Julie walked over to him, he didn’t see her come over.
“Okay…love ya…bye honey,” Brian said, then hung up, he looked back, seeing Julie.
“Hey,” He said.
“Let’s go,” Julie said, unable to hear the conversation he had on the phone
“See ya,” Brian said to Tom, getting up and walking with Julie. Julie and Brian, and Taylor and Will got out to the parking lot.
“Well, see you later,” Julie said to Taylor. “If I don’t hear from her in twelve hours I’ll fucking kill you,” Julie said to Will, smiling as she said it.
“Likewise,” Taylor said, looking at Brian. The two couples split up walking to each guy’s car.
Taylor got into the car with Will. He was probably thirty or so, and Taylor thought he was kind of hot. They drove off. “So where do you live?”
“Over in Crestline,” Will replied.
“Oh, you have a house over there?” Taylor asked.
“Yeah,” Will replied, and they drove on, radio on, neither talking. They pulled up to his house, he parked in the driveway, and led her in through the garage.
“This place is nice,” Taylor said, walking inside the house. “Do you live here alone?” Taylor asked.
“No, my wife lives here too,” Will said, “Follow me.”
“You’re married?” Taylor asked.
“Yeah,” Will said, walking up the stairs. Taylor stopped on the stairs. “Oh come on, she won’t know, and she’ll be home in an hour, so we gotta get going.”
Taylor hesitated but continued to follow him up the stairs and into the bedroom. “Do you have any condoms?” Taylor asked him, as he sat on the bed, taking his shoes off.
“Probably, check that drawer over there,” Will said pointing to a drawer. Taylor opened it and rummaged through his underwear, finding a strip of condoms at the bottom, she tore two off and walked over to the bed. Will slipped his jeans off and then tore his shirt off, his whitey tightys the only thing left, she handed him the two condoms. Taylor stood at the end of the bed, slipping her nice shoes off.
“Come over here and suck my cock,” Will said, his underwear off.
“Put the condom on first,” Taylor said.
“I can’t, im not hard yet,” He said.
“Then get hard,” Taylor said, bending over towards him, giving him a view down her shirt.
“Take off your skirt and bend over,” Will said. Taylor did so, bending over, looking over her shoulder at him. He stroked his cock a few times, staring at her bare ass and bald pussy, then put on a condom.
“Now get over here and suck my cock,” Will said. Taylor walked up to him, and pushed him back, so he laid back on the bed. She kneeled down, and licked his cock through the condom. She teased him with her tongue, giggling as she tongued.
“Come on…either blow me or fuck me, none of this teasing shit,” Will said.
“Oh…don’t like foreplay?” Taylor asked, lapping at his head a few times. Will sat up, he grabbed Taylor’s hips, lifting her up, he sat her down right on his cock, pressing it deep inside her.
“Uhhh..oww,” Taylor moaned, as the thick six inch dick penetrated her. Will took good grip of her hips and thrusted up into her hard and very fast. Taylor was not ready, no foreplay and she was barely wet. The cock was dry fucking her, and he was doing it way too fast. Taylor dismissed it as wisdom of the older man. Soon enough her pussy was wet, and the pain went away.
“Oh your so fucking tight,” Will moaned. Taylor still had her shirt on, groping her own tits. “Oh…mmm…oh” She moaned, as she started to get into it. Taylor pushed his shoulders back, until he laid back on the bed, Taylor was on top now, and she took control, humping him the way she wanted. “Oh yeah,” Will said, he grabbed her ass and fucked back at her very quickly, shallow strokes. Taylor was starting to get there.
“Yes, Yes, Yes!” Will moaned, and then he stopped humping back at her. He came inside her in the condom.
“You’ve got to be kidding!” Taylor said.
“Oh that was good,” Will said.
“You better not be fucking done!” Taylor protested.
“Oh I’m not finished,” Will said. His cock already going limp inside of her.
Will got further up on the bed, laying down, his head back on the pillows. “Take off your shirt, let me see those big ole titties,” Will said.
“No, eat my pussy first,” Taylor said, having the idea.
“No, show me your tits and I’ll get hard again real quick,” Will said.
“Yeah but I can cum pretty quickly if you eat me,” Taylor said.
“If you’re that close why don’t you just play with yourself,” Will said.
“How about we sixty-nine and I suck your cock to life!” Taylor said.
“But I don’t want to eat your pussy, I want to fuck it,” Will said, starting to stroke his cock. “Just let me see your tits.”
“Fine,” Taylor gave in. She stood next to the bed, tearing her tight shirt off, freeing the huge twins.
“Oh those are nice!...come here,” Will said. Taylor crawled up on the bed. Will grabbed her and put her down by his cock. “I want to tit-fuck you,” Will said.
“What?” Taylor asked.
“Just put your tits around my cock, press em together and move em up and down,” Will said.
“Okay…” Taylor said, unsure. She leaned down, and put her hands on her big tits. She pushed them together, then lowered them onto his hardening cock. His cock pushed through between her big mounds of flesh.
“Spit on it,” Will said. Taylor spit on the head of his bare cock, he had removed the condom after his first orgasm. “Lick the end,” Will said. Taylor moved her tits far enough down to lick the tip of his cock, moving her body up and down to tit fuck him. “Oh yeah!” Will moaned. “That’s so fucking hot.”
“Can we fuck now?” Taylor asked.
“Wait, just go a little faster,” Will said. Taylor complied, stroking her big tits on his cock. “Yeah that’s it.” Taylor lapped at the head on each stroke. Suddenly his cock burst cum, spraying into her mouth, on her face, and oozing all over her chest and tits. “Ohhh…Fuck!” Will moaned.
“What the fuck!” Taylor protested, spitting cum out of her mouth.
“That was great,” Will moaned.
“That’s fucking it!” Taylor said, getting up and throwing her clothes on, cum still on her.
“Where you going?” Will asked.
“I’m getting out of here!” Taylor said. Putting her shoes on, and walking out the door, Will didn’t move. Taylor realized she didn’t drive. Taylor walked down into the kitchen. There were post it notes on the counter. Taylor smiled as she had an idea. She found a pen.
You’re husband is cheating on you…and he is fucking terrible in bed, sincerely Taylor
Taylor smirked, she put the post it note on the refrigerator and walked out the front door. She pulled out her cell phone and called Julie.
Chapter 16: Married Men
Earlier...
Julie rode with Brian as they drove out away from the bar. “Where are we going?” Julie asked excitedly.
“My house, It’s over by Blue Jay apartments, back behind there,” Brian said.
“Oh ok,” Julie said, knowing where it was. “I like your car…What do you do?”
“I’m a tax lawyer…try to restrain yourself I know that turns you on so much,” Brian said with a straight face. Julie laughed.
“How old are you?” Julie asked
“Thiry-three,” Brian said. “You?”
“Well…I’ll be nineteen in two weeks,” Julie said.
“Wow…” Brian muttered, making a corner.
“So, you don’t have a boyfriend?” Brian asked.
“I’m bisexual, I do have a girlfriend,” Julie said.
“Oh was she you’re girlfriend?” Brian asked, referring to Taylor.
“You catch on quick for a lawyer,” Julie said.
“So why did you want to fuck an older man?” Brian asked.
“Cause…I think…well, I suppose, that older men will be more experienced and better in bed,” Julie said.
“That’s probably true, but I don’t think all older men will be good in bed,” Brian said.
“Yeah, that’s why we picked hot ones,” Julie laughed.
“So how long have you been with your girlfriend?” Brian asked after a moment.
“It’s Taylor…and about a month or so,” Julie said.
“How’d it start?” Brian asked.
“We live together…” Julie said, and went quiet.
“Well…that does pretty much explain it,” Brian joked, and made another turn, and finally pulled into his driveway.
“Is that your car too?” Julie asked, pointing at a little red sportscar.
“Yeah, actually this isn’t my car I just borrowed it, that’s actually my car,” Brian said somewhat clarifying.
“Oh…Why’d you borrow this?” Julie asked, the two getting out of the SUV.
“I had to take a bunch of stuff to work,” Brian said, walking towards the front door. “Here’s the house…” Brian said walking in the front door, Julie in tow.
“It’s nice…pretty big,” Julie said. Brian walked on back, through the living room and kitchen, Julie following him.
“You want anything to eat or drink?” Brian asked.
“No thanks,” Julie said, following him. They came to the back of the house and there was a large sliding glass door. There was a pool in the backyard.
“Hey you want to take a dip?” Julie asked, smiling. Brian walked past the door, setting the keys on the counter, then came back to the sliding door where Julie stood. Brian opened the door and they walked out onto the back patio. Once they got outside Julie saw a woman laying on a towel beside the pool. She looked to be in her thirties, but she was pretty fit, probably worked out a lot. Julie felt a little weird, as they walked up to the woman. She had sun glasses on and her eyes were closed, sun bathing. She didn’t have a top on, and she had a nice pair of small C cup breasts, that didn’t seem to show her age. Her red long hair was dripping wet.
“Hey honey,” Brian said, as they walked up next to her.
“Hey! Who’s this!?!” The woman said very excitedly.
“Julie,” Brian said. “Julie this is my lovely wife Rebecca,” Brian said.
“Hi,” Julie said quietly.
“Well you’re very attractive…” Rebecca said, sitting up and taking her glasses off.
“Thank you,” Julie said happily.
“How old are you?” Rebecca asked.
“Eighteen,” Julie said.
“Wow…what’d you pick her up at school Brian?” Rebecca asked.
“No she was at the bar,” Brian said.
“You didn’t tell me you were married,” Julie said to Brian.
“Is it a problem?” Brian asked.
“I don’t know…this is…” Julie trailed off.
“Strange?” Rebecca finished her thought, Julie nodded. “Don’t worry, he can’t cheat on me, I don’t get jealous. But what he was really doing at the bar was picking up a girl for me,” Rebecca said.
“What?” Julie asked.
“I like girls,” Rebecca said. “But I am no good at picking them up…Do you want to have some fun with me?”
“Well…” Julie said.
“It’s okay if you don’t, you can go upstairs with Brian and fuck his brains out, I won’t but in…but if you want to, we can go upstairs…Or all three of us.” Rebecca said.
“Hmmm” Julie said, thinking.
“She’s bisexual,” Brian said to Rebecca.
“Aren’t we all?” Rebecca asked Julie, getting a laugh.
“Well…I’m not,” Brian said.
“I meant us girls,” Rebecca said.
“Let’s go,” Julie said, smiling and looking at both of them. Rebecca stood up.
“Alright let’s go,” Rebecca said, smiling at Julie. The three of them walked inside. Julie followed them up the stairs, Rebecca’s nice ass wiggling in her face as they climbed the stairs. Julie reached out and groped her ass a little.
“Ohh, someone is getting excited,” Rebecca said. The trio reached the bedroom, Brian sat down on the edge of the bed, Rebecca sat down a few feet away from Brian, inviting Julie to sit between them. Julie sat down.
“What do you want to do?” Rebecca asked Julie.
“First…I want to suck some cock,” Julie said. Brian started taking his clothes off. Julie and Rebecca were staring at each other. Rebecca started feeling her up. Julie moaned. Julie stood up. “Unzip me,” Julie said, and Rebecca unzipped the back of her dress. Julie slipped it off, and took her shoes off, her bra and panties went off next. She sat down between the couple again. Rebecca leaned in, grabbing Julie, and kissed her. They made out, lovingly. They laid back on the bed beside each other, slowly kissing. Brian got on his knees beside them on the bed, his cock sticking straight out.
“Ohh, its big,” Julie said, seeing Brian’s seven inch cock. It was curved to the right at the end, and it was pretty thick and veiny. Julie reached up and lightly stroked his cock. Rebecca got off the bed and on her knees, spreading Julie’s legs. Rebecca went to work quickly, sucking licking tonguing Julie’s wet pussy, even biting her labia softly. Julie was getting very very excited. Julie leaned up and took the head of Brian’s cock in her mouth, sucking on it lightly as Rebecca sucked her off.
“You want me to fuck you?” Brian asked Julie.
“Mmm hmmm,” Julie moaned in agreement, not taking the cock out of her mouth. Brian got up and walked over to the dresser, searching for condoms. Rebecca stood up, tearing her bikini bottom off, revealing her trimmed dripping pussy. Julie instantly lunged forward, licking on her sweet pussy. Rebecca laughed as the young tongue tickled her. Rebecca got up on the bed, laying down. Julie was right with her, jumping on her and into the sixty-nine.
Brian turned around with a condom in his hand, seeing the sixty-nine. “Don’t forget about me,” Brian joked. Rebecca and Julie ate each other’s sweet pussies. Rebecca came very quickly, a short burst of cum escaping her lips to Julie’s delight. Julie started to finger Rebecca, and Rebecca did the same. They lapped at each other’s lips and clits.
“Can I get in somewhere?” Brian asked, as Julie came very loudly. “They forget I was in the room,” Brian muttered to himself. Julie laughed, pulling her mouth and finger from Rebecca’s pussy.
“Come here,” Julie said. Brian got on his knees on the bed, and brought his cock to Julie’s face just above Rebecca’s dripping pussy. Julie sucked on Brian’s cock, and Brian fingered his wife while she ate Julie.
“I want you in my pussy,” Julie said, taking her mouth off his cock. Julie got up on all fours beside Rebecca, and Brian got up behind her. Brian put the head of his cock in her pussy, pushing his way inside her flesh. Rebecca sat back watching, playing with herself. Julie got fucked from behind, her big titties bouncing around. Rebecca sat up and moved herself over, placing her pussy in front of Julie.
“Ohhh, lick me baby,” Rebecca moaned. “Is she tight?” Rebecca asked Brian.
“Oh yeah,” Brian moaned, pounding her. Julie laughed, lapping at Rebecca’s slit.
Julies moans increased and she came loudly.
“Do you take it up the ass?” Brian asked.
“Always with the anal,” Rebecca muttered.
“What? You won’t ever let me fuck your ass, so I asked her,” Brian said. Julie raised her head from the sweet pussy.
“I’ve never been fucked in the ass, but I kind of would like to try it,” Julie said.
“See, she wants to try it,” Brian said.
“Ohhh…it fuckin hurts don’t do it,” Rebecca warned. Julie laughed.
“It’s okay I want to try it.” Julie rolled over on to her back. Rebecca grabbed some lube from the nightstand. Rebecca sucked off Brian, tasting Julie’s pussy. She covered his cock in lube, and then lubed her finger and started to play with Julie’s ass.
“Does that hurt?” Rebecca asked.
“No,” Julie said tensely, playing with her tits.
“Okay Brian…But be gentle,” Rebecca said. Brian put the head of his cock against Julies tight asshole. He pushed gently, starting to spread her butt open. He slipped inside of her fucking tight ass hole. Brian moaned as he entered her.
“Ohhh,” Julie moaned.
“Does that feel good?” Rebecca asked.
“Yeah kind of, it hurts though…but don’t stop,” Julie replied. Brian started to very slowly fuck her ass, gently stroking in and out with just the tip, slowly increasing the depth of his anal fucking.
Rebecca got bored with watching, and mounted Julie, returning to the sixty-nine, eating out her pussy just above the anal fucking. Julie welcomed the pussy on her face, somewhat taking her mind off the pain, and the tongue in her slit definitely helped as well. Brian started to fuck her a little harder, and Julie moaned very loudly. Julie came, squirting a little bit. Rebecca came shortly, squirting on Julie. Then Julie came again, very quickly after her previous one. Then a moment later, she came again, stacking the orgasms. Now she was going into orgasmic overdrive. It was like she had two orgasms seconds apart, just one constant orgasm for several seconds, but it seemed to stretch on forever to her. Then Julie exploded. Literally making a fountain of her pussy, not just squirting some cum, but blasting Rebecca’s face as her tongue was pushed out of her pussy. Julie moaned a long pleasure noise, running out of breath, she just about passed out. Brian pulled his cock out of her ass, and Rebecca ripped the condom off of it. Rebecca deepthroated Brian, sucking him hard and fast until he came. He shot a big load on Rebeccas waiting tongue, white goo dripping down to Julie’s pussy. Rebecca licked her clean, then licked Brian’s cock clean. Julies cell phone started ringing in her purse.
“mmm…Could you get that for me?” She asked either of them. Brian got off the bed and opened her purse looking for the phone, he found it and handed it to Julie.
“Hello?” Julie said, still lightheaded from her orgasm.
“Hey, You having fun over there?” Taylor asked.
“Umm…very…yes very much,” Julie said.
“This guy turned out to be a dick, can you pick me up…sorry I don’t want to spoil your fun,” Taylor said. Julie covered the mic on the phone.
“Hey is it okay if I go pick up my girlfriend and bring her over here?” Julie asked.
“Yeah sure,” Brian said. “Right?”
“I’d love to lick another pussy,” Rebecca said.
“Will you guys be okay while I go get her?” Julie asked.
“Yeah,” Rebecca said. Julie jumped up and started to dress.
“Can I take your car?” Julie asked.
“Yeah, did you see where I put the keys?” Brian asked.
“Yeah.” Julie replied. “I’ll be right back. When she left the room, Brian and Rebecca got into a sixty-nine on the bed. Rebecca sucked the life back into his cock as she came twice from his tongue.
Julie and Taylor entered the bedroom. Brian was still sporting his big erection, and Rebecca was panting, both sitting on the edge of the bed in anticipation. “This is Taylor,” Julie made the introduction. It was seconds before Julie and Taylor were naked again, and the four bodies were in a heap on the bed. Rebecca had gotten out a double sided dildo, and her and Julie were going at it doggystyle, their asses smacking against each other as their pussies played tug of war with the pleasuring device. Brian didn’t rush it with Taylor, first eating her out to “ease the tension”. Quickly they were in a sixty-nine together. The foursome became too wild and changing too quickly for any of them to keep track of. Fucking. Sucking. Licking. Panting. Cumming. That’s what happened on that bed. Lost in ecstasy, Julie and Taylor were spent, their pussies on fire, not able to take any more pleasure. They were almost painful to touch. They were strewn out on the bed, sweating and panting, while Rebecca and Brian were finishing up, fucking wildly beside the young girls.
“Oh yes, baby, yes!” Rebecca screamed as she came, her pussy working hard to make Brian come, something he still had yet to do, even through the whole foursome. Julie and Taylor were now whispering to each other, discussing the more experienced lovers they were with, watching them work. Brian finally came, he pulled out of his wife, and she immediately turned around to suck him to conclusion. He shot his load, mostly going over her head and landing on her back, a huge white explosion of man goo. The girls laughed seeing him cum so much, and then they sampled the goods off Rebecca’s naked back. The three women giggled, making out and playing with each other and the semen.
“How does he last so long?” Taylor asked.
“Practice I guess…” Brian said.
“Yeah we have sex 4 or 5 times a day,” Rebecca said, a white matted streak running across her red hair.
“I think we’ll be there soon…” Julie said, looking at Taylor. |
Title: 4 love dove love shove
Tags: True Story, Boy, Humiliation, Male/Female, Mind Control, Voyeurism, Young
Introduction:
Just sit back and enjoy the ride!
Content:
7 SETTING THE WEDDING
"Rachel, we need to work on the details of our wedding."
"Well, do you want a naturist wedding?"
"That would exclude my family. That's not going to work out. What month do you want to get married?"
"That will depend on where we want the reception. Some places are booked more than a year in advance."
Sean sulks at the thought, "I don't want to wait that long. I feel married already."
"Me too! How about Labor Day Weekend?"
"Yeah, that's good for out of state relatives. We'll just find whatever reception hall we can get--check out Hotel del Coronado and Balboa Park first."
"Keep dreaming! My family's not made out of money."
"We can pay for it between your house and my business. You never would have had your home if is wasn't for your parents so they already contributed."
"Are we having a church wedding? Will we ask your dad to marry us?"
"No. No."
Rachel laughs, "That was simple. I agree. How about we ask Sonya's pastor?"
"I'm not to keen on him either, but I don't have an alternative."
"I have a girlfriend that just got ordained."
"Sounds good to me. I want Jeff as my best man, with my brother and Fred as ushers."
Delighted, "Wow! I didn't think of Jeff as best man. I just figured he's to old to be ring bearer."
"Yeah, that would be an insult to him. Have you picked the ladies."
"I had my best girlfriend in mind and my sister." Thinking out loud, "Maybe I should ask Maria--then Jeff can walk down the aisle with her."
"Brilliant thought! I'm so excited! And your brother has a band--do you want to ask them?"
"Yeah, thanks for thinking of him."
"Guestimate a count of guest so I know what hall to book. Do you want to do most of the other stuff, the planning?"
"Yeah, thanks. Oh, my brother could be the soloist too. He does a super up-beat "Our Father."
8 BEST GUEST
Sean goes to answer the door. "Hello Fred! Good to see you."
"Hi Sean, I'm feeling out of control again."
"You look a lot better than your first visit here. I'm glad you have been seeing me regularly. Come in, have a seat."
As they were talking, Jeff started heading for his room from the pool. When he sees Fred there, he darts over, "Hi Mr. Weber!"
"Jeff, you're naked!"
Sean shows his approval, "Yeah, he loves skinny dipping."
"I can't take it. I'm going crazy!"
"Fred, remember to take your impulses for what they are, nothing more."
Standing face to face, Jeff assures, "It's OK, Mr. Weber."
Shuddering, full of remorse, "No it's not. I looked at you!"
Jeff acknowledges, "I know. Remember, it's OK to look. But try doing something and you're dead meat."
Overwhelmed with his urges, "I can't look again! My eyes are burning!"
Calmly Sean requests, "Please look again. Stop any sex object thoughts. Think about the wonderful boy Jeff is." After a moment, Fred moves his eyes down Jeff's body. When reaching his genitalia, he quickly turns away, ashamed. "Good Fred. Now look at Jeff's joy again, without fear."
After a longer moment, Fred turns his head. After making eye contact with Jeff, he slowly eyes Jeff's entire body. Then suddenly he breaks down crying uncontrollably. Jeff quickly gives him a hug. Fred's body quivers, but then he puts his hands on Jeff's shoulders as he continues crying, seemingly without end. He barely manages to say, "Jeff, you're amazing!" After several minutes of silence, Fred calmly looks Jeff in the eyes, "I'm OK. Thank you."
Jeff pats Fred on the back. "You're very welcome!"
As he leaves for his room, Sean stops him, "Jeff, I need to ask you something. Have you ever gone to a wedding?"
Perplexed by the irrelevant question, "Yeah, once."
"Good, I need to ask someone to be my best man."
Even more bewildered, "You want my suggestions?"
Smiling cheek to cheek, "No, I want you!"
"What??? Me!? Best Man!!! Yes!!!" Jeff jumps onto Sean's lap, giving him a bear hug. "That's super cool! Now I'm crying!"
As Sean holds Jeff in his arms, "Fred, I need ushers."
"No. No. No. You can find someone better than me."
"No, I can't. You're my first choice."
Fred starts crying again. When he stops, "I accept and feel very honored!"
Sean smiles, "Me too!" Giving Jeff one more huge hug, "OK Jeff. Let me talk privately with Fred again."
"Sure thing." So Jeff prances upstairs.
Fred takes a deep breathe, "He has a precious backpack too."
"Yes, a beautiful butt. I'm happy you can say that without allowing sexual thoughts."
"Yeah, but my dick was jumping."
"No 'buts'! Just accept the things you cannot change."
"Thanks, Sean. It amazes me how Jeff can run around the house naked in perfect innocence! ... Did Fred swim naked when he was here?"
"No, no one was naked."
Fred surprises Sean, "If my son wants to, he has my permission."
"OK, wow. I'll let Jeff work it out. He'll know how to handle that."
"I don't doubt it!" |
Title: 4 MILFs share a hung black boy.
Tags: Fiction, Bi-sexual, Black, Blowjob, Cheating, Consensual Sex, Cum Swallowing, Female/Female, Group Sex, Interracial, Male / Females, Male / Older Female, Oral Sex, Wife
Introduction:
Four 40ish white wives stray from their wife swapping club to try sex on the black side.
Content:
Joyce and her three best girlfriends sat around the large wrought iron table on the back patio of her six bedroom, 4500 square foot custom home that sat on an acre lot with a view over the infinity edge swimming pool to the Pacific Ocean. Her home was one of about twenty similar custom homes in this hilly subdivision north of San Francisco. She and her friends Donna, Sue and Paula sipped their Manhattans and talked about the monthly get together that would happen that night.
The four women and their well off husbands were all in their forties and all in pretty good shape. Joyce had one daughter, Debbie. Sue had no children. Donna had three kids and Paula one daughter. There was one thing that bound the little group together. It was their love for sex with men other than their husbands. This had led to the forming of the One For All Club because the husbands were as much up for it as the wives. The All For One Club was a wife swapping club that formed a little over a year before when a cocktail party with the four couples at Sue’s home turned into an orgy. The guys did not know that it was planned by the wives in advance. Now they got together once a month for wife swapping, gangbangs and orgies. They all looked forward to the second Friday night of each month.
Somehow that afternoon’s conversation came around to big black cocks. None of the women had ever been with a black man or a guy with a really big cock but they talked about ones they had seen in porn videos and the ones that danced at the male strip club that they sometimes visited. Eventually they came to an agreement that if it could be arranged, someday they would invite a big cocked black guy to one of their homes for an afternoon of mutual enjoyment but no-one was to tell her husband.
Joyce said that for a while Debbie had dated a black guy and she could tell from the bulge in his pants that he was very well equipped. He and Debbie had split up but she knew how to get in touch with him. She said that she would drop a hint and see if he might enjoy a little mature female company. That evening’s get-together went well but all the women were thinking about that afternoon’s conversation.
A couple days later, Joyce downed a couple of drinks and picked up the phone. “Hi Derrick, this is Debbie’s mother Joyce. I had been thinking that we had not seen you for a while. I thought you might like to stop by the house for a visit.” “Well Mrs. Franklin, when Debbie and I broke up it didn’t go very well and we haven’t seen each other after that.” “Actually, Debbie won’t even be home. You and I had some good talks and I kind of miss them. I have an idea. You always liked my Mercedes convertible. How about I pick you up and we could take a little drive along the coast. You can drive.” That was all it took. “That sounds like fun. Sure, let’s do it.”
It was a sunny afternoon with a temperature in the low 70’s as the bright red Mercedes 450sl drove across the Golden Gate Bridge with its top down. Joyce was wearing a short red skirt and a white blouse that showed a lot of cleavage between her 34-C breasts that were pushed together by the bra that she had chosen. She could feel that her pussy was soaking wet from thinking about what she was about to attempt to do.
She drove into a lower middle class neighborhood just on the south side of the bridge and pulled up in front of the address she had been given. Derrick was on the porch. He was wearing cut off shorts and a tee shirt. He stood up when he saw her pull up. Derrick was nineteen, six foot two inches tall and very well built. He had short curly black hair and skin that could not have been much darker. He walked down to the car, smiled and said Hi. He reached for the handle on the passenger’s side door. “No Derrick, I told you that you could drive.” Joyce got out and Derrick got behind the wheel. "Drive North along US-1. That’s a pretty drive.”
As they drove, they made small talk. After about fifty minutes, Joyce told Derrick to turn down a side road that they had come to. “I have a friend that owns an ocean front lot here. He hasn’t gotten around to building yet but it has a great view off the bluff.” They pulled up to the bluff and parked. “This is nice. I miss coming to your house and spending time with Debbie. Would she like to see me again? Is that what this is about?” “Debbie actually has a new boyfriend. It is me that misses seeing you. I enjoyed having you visit. Actually I was hoping that you missed seeing me.” Then Joyce reached over and rested her hand on Derrick’s crotch.
At first, Derrick flinched and pulled back a little. “Mrs. Franklin?” “I know that you and Debbie broke up because she didn’t want to have sex with anybody yet. She wanted to wait till she found her forever guy and she was not yet sure that it was you. On the other hand I always enjoyed looking at the big package that was between your legs and wondering what it would be like to have it to pleasure and be pleasured by.” As she said that, Joyce gave his hardening prick a squeeze and started unzipping his shorts.
Derrick reached down and slid the seat all the way back and leaned back. Joyce worked hard to get the rapidly growing dick out but she finally succeeded. Her hand wrapped around it without being able to get fully around it. It was almost as big around as a soda pop can. She bent over and her lips worked at getting over it. They stretched wide and slid over the bulbous head. Her hand slid up and down the length of the black shaft as her tongue licked around the head. She tasted a drop of pre-cum that had already seeped from the tip. Derrick leaned his head back and closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of Joyce’s mouth and hand worshipping his black member.
Joyce was not the first grown white woman that had enjoyed his big black cock. There had been several and he enjoyed each of them. He put his hand behind her head and gently encouraged her to take more of him. Joyce’s jaw almost hurt as it stretched over Derrick’s rock hard nine inches but gradually she managed to take more than half of it into her mouth. Now her hand was squeezing his balls and her head was rapidly bobbing up and down and she gave Derrick her best blowjob as his hand became more and more demanding.
Derrick used both hands to firmly pull this horny white bitch’s head to him. Her nose went into his hair and pressed firmly against his pubic bone as his cock entered her throat. He felt the walls of her throat tightly rub the edges of his cockhead and felt her throat muscles constrict like she was trying to swallow him. Joyce pushed against him and pulled her head back. She gagged and coughed and caught her breath. Joyce had done deepthroat many times before but never with a monster cock like this. Derrick grabbed her hair and pulled her back down the full length of his meat. If she was going to blow him, she was going to do it the way he wanted.
Joyce’s throat started to adjust and she timed her breathing as he rapidly pulled her up and down, fucking himself full depth with her face. While he did, he dug out Joyce’s tits and squeezed them and pinched her nipples hard. Joyce moaned in pain and pleasure around his prick. Joyce’s jaw started to ach and her throat started to hurt. She started to wonder if he was ever going to stop. She thought about pulling away and giving up. It had been several minutes of hard fast face fucking when Derrick finally held her still with just his cockhead in her mouth and blasted more cum into her mouth that any two man ever had. She swallowed but there was more cum than she could control and some leaked out around his shaft and ran down onto his balls. After what seemed like he had fed her a gallon of jiz, Derrick released Joyce and told her to lick him clean which she promptly did.
Joyce licked her lips and smiled at Derrick, “Wow, I’ve never experienced anything like that.” “I’m glad you liked it. So did I. We had better head back now.” Derrick stuffed his softening but still large manhood back in his pants, started the Mercedes and pulled back onto the main road and headed South.
On the way back, Joyce told Derrick about her three friends and how they would like to have him come spend some hot fucking and sucking time with them. She told him that they were all attractive and all looking forward to spending some hot time with him. Derrick knew that it was a racial thing, that they all were just looking to experience having a big black cock in them but that was OK with him. He got a lot of white pussy and face because of that very reason. Derrick made it sound like he did not have much interest but he was actually getting hard again thinking about four older white women servicing and worshiping his fuck stick. He said he would think about it and that Joyce should call him later. They returned to Derrick’s house. Joyce gave his prick one more squeeze before he got out of the bright red 450sl. Derrick’s mother was sitting on the porch. She didn’t look very happy.
The next day Joyce called. She told Derrick how much she had enjoyed sucking his cock and asked if he had decided about getting together with the four women some time. “I guess that might be fun. I’m up with it but remember that once we start, I’m the one fully in control. You will all do just what I say.” “Great, I’ll tell the girls. How about next Thursday afternoon at my place?” “OK”
Derrick rang the doorbell and Joyce yelled for him to come in. As he walked into the large living room, Derrick saw the four forty plus women standing in front of him in skimpy little negligees. Derrick thought for a minute and then said. “Just stand there quietly while I rip those off of each of you like opening Christmas presents.” Some of the negligees cost over a hundred dollars but each of the women stood there quietly as Derrick reached out and ripped the fabric till all three women were naked. They were all excited and their nipples had hardened. He could see that they all had freshly shaved pubes.
“I don’t want to know your names.” He pointed at Sue, “You, come over here and take off my shoes.” Sue did as she was told. “Now get back in line.” He pointed at Joyce, “You come over and take off my shirt.” Joyce did it and then got back in the line. All the women admired the young man’s muscular chest and flat stomach. Paula took off his pants and finally Donna removed his under shorts allowing his erect manhood to spring out and point straight at the four excited women. From the three that had not yet seen Derrick’s massive rod, comments like “Wow.” “Oh my God.” And “That thing is huge.” were heard.
“Get on your knees”, Derrick firmly said. When they did, he stepped up in front of them. Excitedly, Sue said, “Me,me.me. Me first.” Derrick stood close in front of her and she wrapped her hand around his shaft and pushed her lips over his prick head. She got about three inches in before pausing. Sue held his shaft tightly and stroked it, making the loose outer skin slide up and down on the rock hard inner tube. Derrick soon pulled away. “You’ve gotta share. Don’t worry, you’ll get more. I promise.”
For the next several minutes, Derrick moved up and down the row getting his cock sucked by each of the four older but attractive and very enthusiastic women. Joyce was the only one that could throat his massive rod. Finally he told them to put all their faces close together. He stood in front of them and gave his cock the final few strokes. “Open your mouths.” The women looked like baby birds waiting to be fed. Like a fire hose, cum poured out of the end of his black prick. Some went in their open mouths but even more coated their faces and covered their eyes. Derrick aimed his dick up and back along the row of white sluts waiting for his gift. When he finally stopped gushing, they were all covered in sticky thick white cum. Some hung off chins like cumcicles. “Lick each other clean.” Soon there was no more cum to be seen.
Joyce said, “Shower time,” and they headed to the master bathroom. The home had a huge glass shower and there was no trouble getting all five of them in it. They soaped up and rubbed their bodies together. Derrick finger fucked each of them and brought Donna to an orgasm without even really trying. By the time they got out, Derrick was hard again.
“To the pool, bitches.” Once they were at the pool Derrick said he had a game to play. “We are going to play “blind horseback fighting”. The horse is on the bottom and the rider is on the horse's shoulders facing backwards. The person on top will try to fight the other top person off and while that is happening, the person on the bottom will be licking pussy.” The women had never been much for being bi but they followed instructions. They played rock, paper, scissors to see who got to be Derrick’s partner first. Paula won and mounted her black stallion.
She fought hard not to get pulled off but did not try very hard to pull the other woman off as she did not want Derrick to stop licking her pussy. Finally Sue almost fell off without being touched even though she was enjoying having Donna licking her. They switched around till everyone had a turn riding on Derrick’s shoulders with her pussy pressed against his face. Finally everyone was tired and happy and the game ended.
They all sat around the pool having drinks and resting for about a half hour till finally Joyce said that it was time for the main event. “Derrick, you have four hot white cunts here that are just waiting to have your big black cock pound the shit out of them. Come on, stretch us wide and make us come all over your massive prick.” They headed for the king sized bed in the master bedroom.
Derrick took Donna by the hand and told her to get on the bed on her back with her ass at the edge and her legs spread and her knees pulled up. Donna quickly assumed the position. “You others get on the floor and daisy chain. I want your cunts hot and wet when I am ready for you. When they hesitated, he reminded them that they had agreed that he was the boss and they were to do as instructed. “If you want to feel my cock fucking you, you will do as I say. Now get at it.” The three of them got on the floor and assumed the face to pussy daisy chain position.
Derrick stepped between Donna’s legs. With his right hand he inserted two fingers in Donna’s pussy and started finger fucking her. With his other hand he rapidly rubbed her clit. Donna moaned and humped back at his fingers. A third finger was added and pushed as deep and they could go. Donna got wetter. Derrick removed his hand and shifted his position, slid his cock between her pussy lips and rubbed it against her clit. “Oh fuck yes. Put it in me and fuck me hard with that huge thing. Pleeeeease !”
Taking his cock in his hand, Derrick lined it up with Donna’s fuck hole and pushed. He knew that none of them had ever had a cock his size, so even though they had a lot of years of fucking, they would be tight for his cock. A long steady push and he was in almost to his full depth when he felt his cock head bottom out against her cervix. Donna was bighting her lip and grabbing the sheets, “Oh my God I’m so full. Do it. Fuck me.”
Derrick pulled back and then shoved in again harder and faster than the first time. Donna grunted. Derrick grabbed her hips. Each thrust was harder and faster till he was slamming her cunt, making her moan and groan and roll her head from side to side with each thrust. From the floor he heard the first of the other three have a loud orgasm. He smiled.
After several minutes he felt the cum building in his balls and his nut sack tighten. He pulled out and told Donna to switch places with someone on the floor and they will make sure that she came. Donna was disappointed but she did as she was told. The next woman assumed the same position and he went thru the same routine, finger fucking, clit rubbing and then shoving his prick into her cunt. She was already wet and well opened from the oral sex he had the women giving each other but this one was even tighter than Donna.
“Oh, it hurts. Take it easy. Take it slow. Fuck.” Derrick did not change his steady push to bury himself in her cunt. She again said that it hurt but Derrick pulled back and readied himself to start fucking. He watched his prick disappear up into her white cunt. He thought, she must not get out in the sun much or at least she wore a lot of sun block because her skin was she was close to snow white. Derrick watched and admired the contrast of his ebony cock burying itself in her pale Caucasian body. He loved how it looked when he fucked a white girl or woman. After just a few strokes her moans changed from sounding painful to sounding wanton. She started encouraging him. “Oh yes, fuck me. Shove that wonderful big black cock in me. Do it. Fuck me. Fuck me hard.”
This one turned out to be the first one that could take the full length of him up her fuck hole. He felt his balls slapping against her ass each time he slammed into her. Again Derrick fucked till he felt an impending orgasm and then he stopped and called for a switch. He rested long enough between fucks that he could hold of coming. Joyce was last and she was the first one that he kissed as he fucked into her hot pussy. Feeling his cum building again he told Joyce to turn around and hang her head over the side of the bed. When she did he put his cock to her lips.
Joyce quickly opened her mouth and without hesitation, Derrick pushed forward and rammed his ready to explode nine inch prick fully down her throat and held her head in place. Time after time his cock pulsed and shot masses of cum straight down Joyce’s throat into her belly. She would never even taste it. He held her there till Joyce panicked when she needed to breath but couldn’t. She pushed on him and then pounded with her fist. Derrick held her there with his cock down her throat. Just as she felt herself starting to pass out, Derrick pulled out. She lay there breathing hard till she finally caught her breath. Joyce gave Derrick a dirty look but did not say anything. Joyce actually felt like she had just eaten a large meal, her stomach was so full of Derrick’s spunk.
Everyone was well satisfied and Derrick dressed and left for home. Derrick had fucked four adult women. It was the first time he had been with more than one at a time. The four women had all had multiple orgasms both from Derrick and by eating each other as he had instructed them to do. None of them had ever been involved is so much woman on woman action.
The next day Joyce called Derrick’s cell phone. They talked about the previous afternoon and both said that a great time was had. Joyce told him about their little club and said that the girls would like to have him come back again for the meetings but they had to think about the husbands also. She asked if he knew of a young black girl that would like to come with him.
With only a couple seconds of thought he told Joyce, “My kid sister, Tanika is a real knock out and she is also a slut. She just turned eighteen. She really likes to fuck and I know that she likes older white guys because she has let two of them take her on cruises. I bet she would like to come but I know she would expect the guys to treat her special, if you know what I mean.” “Joyce interrupted him with a question. “Have you ever fucked your sister, Derrick?” He answered, “Yeah, a few times but we don’t make a habit of it. We each have our own group that we hang with. Derrick called Joyce back in about two hours and said that he and Tanika would be coming to the next meeting of the One For All Club.
Part two is now published as 'Derrick and Tanika come to party".
715 |
Title: 4 Mom's and 4 Daughters Pt. 2
Tags: Fiction, Incest, Male / Female Teens, Young
Introduction:
3 down and 1 to go
Content:
4 Mom's and 4 Daughters pt. 2
Well I have pretty much come full circle, almost that's is. The circle will be complete as soon as I finish what has been started. I have once again crossed a line and there is no going back so is it alright to go forward ?. That is a loaded question and depending on what the issue is the answer could be yes or no.
I'm going forward and this is what I have been discussing with Sis every since she found Becky's shirt in the bathroom, the shirt that was under us, the shirt which contains the telltale signs of her broken virginity.
Sis was happy that it would be me taking each of the girls virginity, she knew that it is someone who loves and cares about them. I suspect all my girls mothers would be Ok with this.
The girls seem to be "advanced" for their age and it would happen sooner with someone and it shouldn't be with just some jackass that will just poke and run. The first time is special for females, well it should be or I'm sure they feel it is when they make the choice as to who is going to "be the one".
More often than not though it doesn't work out for the long term because males are wired to get all they can and getting a girls cherry is special for males but in a different way than it is for girls.
I certainly haven't been content with just one hell I have to look at my own history. Since these are my daughters, even though here are 4 different mothers, I have a connection with each of them.
The girls were outside so i went out and was greeted just outside the door by Becky who jumped up as she threw her arms around me and wrapped her legs around my waist,
"Morning Daddy", she said as she continued to hug me tight as I held her to me.
"You Ok baby", I asked.
"I'm a little sore but I'm great. Thank You Daddy !", she said whispering in my ear then let go and I let her down and he ran off to the pool.
I heard the door open behind me and turned to see Megan and Amber coming out. Amber ran past with a happy look on her face and as she went by me she looked right at me smiled big and and said Hey Daddy.
Megan walked up and clung tight to me, it was like she needed reassurance or something, so I held her and kissed the top of her head. Megan was the child between my mother and I.
The sweetest girl in mannerism that anyone could want and the cutest girl you can imagine with her petite frame, chestnut brown hair pulled back and fastened, a splash of light freckles on her cheeks and her round black rimmed glasses. Most days she looked like the conservative bookworm type like you see in rock videos where they shake their head to break loose the hair, throw the glasses off then pull that loose shirt off to reveal a hidden hottie...well that's how I see it anyway.
With her bikini on and her hair loose like right now, mmm mmm mm, you could eat her up. Yeah, that thought has crossed my mind. She does have her mothers build and a nice set of boobs already.
She finally eased her hug and pulled back to look at me, her face had a look of wonder and apprehension,
"Daddy, do you love me", she asked.
"OHHH, of course I do sweetheart", I said as I pulled her over to the chair with me. I sat down and she hopped onto my lap and hung her head down.
"Am I as special as the others", she asked.
"Honey, you are special, in ways that are unique", I said. This brightened her up.
"Am I plain", she said as she was looking past me. I turned to look and the only one in her field of view was Amber.
"You have you're own characteristics which make your adorable", I said.
She smiled brightly then hugged me,
"I love you daddy", she said then jumped up and ran to the pool.
The girls played around, they were in and out of the pool then Mom, Sis and I would swim with the girls. Sometimes I swam sometimes just sitting back and watching the girls and woman run, jump and jiggle.
Yeah, I wasn't doing myself any good and was feeling the need but it was time for lunch so I started grilling then we all ate and sat around. Later on Mom and Sis decided they were going to the mall and the girls were going except for Megan, she wasn't the mall type.
She was more a home body, always somewhere around the house or doing something here. Sometimes you didn't even know she was here or where she was, Megan was reserved and stealthy.
I had my usual spot on the couch as they all gathered in the living room before leaving and Megan, who still had her bikini on, broke from them and jumped on the couch and curled up beside me.
We'll be back later said Sis as she lead everyone out the door, Mom brought up the rear and looked back and right at me as she reached the door,
"You behave", she said looking right at me with a smirk on her face.
Megan looking at the TV and never looked away automatically said,
"I will".
I flashed Mom a smile and she furrowed her brow and glared.
When the door closed Megan snuggled up a little closer and pulled my arm around her. A moving was just starting and we settled in to watch well that is I had one eye on the movie and on her body.
Megan had a bit more shape to her given her petite frame. She was well endowed for her age (thanks to her mother) and slightly heavier than Becky but not pudgy at all. She was plump but firm in the right places like her butt, hips and boobs which really accentuated her waistline which you could really appreciate with her bikini on and when she wore jeans, OH MY GOD !.
Rarely in a hurry she always walked slow and the movement of her butt and hips when she walked was mesmerizing but she never showed it off and always wore shirts that we a little to big and long then of course she kept her hair pulled back.
She could be so hot if she wanted to be and she knew she had assets but seemed to be a little embarrassed about it in public, I think the attention in general would make her uncomfortable.
I was growing stiff looking up and down her squeezable body and I had to adjust myself a little for comfort and as to not drill a hole in her.
With her laying beside me on her side with her back scooted up to me I wanted nothing more than to repeatedly run my hand from her shoulder then descend down and follow every curve as far down her as my reach would allow.
We were into the movie and continued to lay there nice and still so with just her bikini on she was getting cold. She reached over and pulled a throw blanket over us. Once under the cover she caught a chill and shivered, I could feel goosebumps on her. I automatically ran my hand down her side, over her hip and down her leg then back again,
"MMMMM, feels goood", she purred.
"Sure does", I said just under my breath.
"What's that daddy", she asked.
"Oh, Nothing", I said.
I rubbed her skin until I didn't feel any more goosebumps, I didn't want to stop. I wanted to squeeze her hip, her thigh then run across her curved belly then kneed her boobs one by one...shit, this isn't doing me any good what so ever as my dick got even harder. It was poked right into the crack of her sweet butt and the last time I looked before she pulled the cover on us was her bikini bottom stuck in the cleft of those firm rounded ass cheeks.
Oh God, the thoughts in my head, the need I had, the experience I wanted, this luscious body laying next to mine, I was absolutely burning with want and desire.
"Daddy, do I turn you on", she asked.
"YES, HELL YES....YOU DO !", I instantly blurted out. SHIT, I couldn't take that back nor claim I was referring to something else. It was clear, her body was driving me insane and I expressed it.
"You're in a bad way uh daddy", she said.
"YES, YES I AM", I said.
"I want to help you", she said.
I wanted to stop myself I wanted to two daughters ago but I struggled so bad with want and curiosity. I have already compromised things and while I truly wanted to continue I still tried self restraint. The restraint that wanted to keep me from defiling another daughter was like a sand wall protecting a sandcastle on the beach while my desire was like the ocean rolling in and effortlessly consuming them both however, I still tried to hold back the ocean,
"Honey, you don't have the experience to deal with me right now, I really should"........,
"I want the experience, I can help you out, I want toooooo", she said cutting me off. She was pleading.
I was fighting a useless battle with myself and I knew it, I wanted to fuck her bad and I was going to but the need I had would have given a woman with plenty of experience a real workout.
Megan got up and was pulling my arm and I didn't budge. I was giving this every opportunity to calm down before I succumbed and ravaged her young body.
She kept pulling and pulling and as I began to sit up she let go of my arm, convinced that I was coming she walked towards the bedroom. I watched as she walked and any last second of restraint I thought I may have was quickly washed away as I looked at her curves and her movement.
I got up and walked behind her, the closer we got to the bedroom the more that ocean of desire swept over my defenses. By the time I got to the door my restraint had been completely washed away. I was going to take her and nothing could stop it. If she were to hesitate at this point I was almost afraid of what I may do, it was in motion now and an abrupt halt "seemed" impossible.
Would I force her, NO, but I wouldn't be happy.
I think we have all imagined that scenario or even have experience it so the extreme frustration level is understandable however, after you put your dick in and feel a sweet tight cunt around your shaft and then there is hesitation then stopping is just not possible. Once you are in that mode there is no stopping until you get satisfied.
She crawled onto the bed, I stopped at the edge and took my shorts off to free my fully engorged dick. It was extremely tight and had no movement as my shorts were pulled past it. My dick was like a solid bar of iron that was firmly anchored to a wall. I knew it looked menacing to her, she had her eyes wide open and swallowed as I got onto the bed. With her finger tips on my chest she pushed at me to lay back, and I did.
She was knelt beside me and reached out with her hand and ran it over my dick like one would clean the top of a bottle before drinking then she lowered her head and took my dick into her warm mouth,
OHHHHH BABYYYYY, TAKE CARE OF DADDY", I said loudly.
She easily worked on my dick and was taking me in to about a quarter of my length. I reached over and ran my fingers into the back of her bikini bottom and was pulling them down. She moved as needed to help be get them off of her while she continued to work on my aching dick. With her bottoms off I pulled at her hips trying to signal her to move over, I was intent on getting her into the 69 position. With a bit of pulling, pushing and various movements I had her in position. Above my face was her beautiful untouched pussy with just very light and fine hair beginning to cover her mound.
The entire sight was awesome, from my point of view. It was broad daylight which enabled us to see everything. I looked down to see she had almost half of my pipe in her mouth, I look up to each side and followed her legs up while stopping to gaze at her meaty thighs and the curve of her ass. Her legs were an inverted V at this angle and at the bottom of that V was her perfect pussy.
I ran my hands around her waist and pulled her down to my waiting tongue and pressed my tongue flat as I liked her entire slit and kept going across her taint. I licked all the way to her puckered brown hole which cause her to instinctively tense up.
On the next run I worked my tongue in between her cunt lips to taste her fresh pink meat then began to work up and down her slit while flicking my tongue at her clit then run my tongue back down her valley and finished by rimming her anus.
I couldn't tell any difference in her breathing, sounds or movements when I was suddenly surprised by jizz dripping from her cunt. I had no indication it was coming as she was just as intent on pleasuring me as I was her.
I wanted to lick and suck her cut dry and taste every ounce of her juice but we would need it for what was to happen next. I stopped licking her and dropped my head back, I was ready to fuck her.
I was surprised at the intensity, effort and the concentration she was putting into sucking me. I rubbed my hands up and down her thighs and across her butt then over her back, she finally slowed then stopped and pulled off of me,
"Am I helping you daddy, was that good", she asked.
"OH honey, you did soooo good", I said.
She moved down me a little more as I scooted out from under her and she stayed bent over on her knees,
"Can we do it this way daddy", she asked.
I thought about her virginity, my size and the position and knew it probably wasn't the best,
"Honey I'm not sure this would be the best way for you", I said.
"I want to, it will be OK this way, really it will", she said.
I wasn't going to argue as I was intent to fuck her and it was going to hurt either way but I had to have some restraint. I wanted to go wild but I couldn't but keeping myself in check once I was inside her going to be a challenge.
I positioned myself behind her by putting my knees outside of her legs and had her draw her knees closer together. This raised her up a little higher but still left me the optimum angle and still get as much of my meat in her as possible.
I place myself at her wet slit and applied some pressure and her cunt lips parted,
"Ohhhhhhh", she moaned.
With my restraint holding firm I stopped even though my current inclination was to push in to the bottom.
"Hurry daddy, do it to me", she said.
"Easy baby, it's going to hurt but I just don't want it to hurt to bad", I said.
"It's ok, it's ok, she said.
The restraint I had dissolved a little and I pushed forcing my head through her hole,
"UHHHH", she moaned loudly as she raised her head up and grabbed the covers with her hands.
The feeling was exquisite, I closed my eyes and breathed while concentrating on the little restraint I did have left. This was hard, so hard not to just cut loose and it took more more power than you can imagine, I was on the edge and just a light touch would send me over.
Megan took in a breath,
"BREAK ME", she yelled.
That sent me over the edge, I instantly pulled back tightened my muscles pulled her hips and thrust myself inside her,
"OWWW !!!!", she screamed, the highest pitched scream I ever heard. I didn't stop but kept pushing in until the resistance was just to much.
Her purity was gone, stripped away in a second with the thrust of her daddy's dick which was now lodged halfway inside her tight cunt.
I felt bad but the feeling around my dick from the squeeze of her hole felt oh so good. My initial animal desire temporarily sated I kept myself inside her, not pulling back but not pushing in either.
She was on her hands now, her head hung low as she heavily breathed,
"OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH", she continued to moan as I rubbed her lower back and softly said,
"It's ok, it's ok, it's ok, tell me when your ready honey", I said.
"Go ahead....finish taking.... me", she said through each breath.
She had a fortitude and willingness that I didn't understand, it was like she had something to prove or she had a need or both, or more ?.
With my initial assualt on her young cunt now complete, a short recovery for her and her willingness to continue, I found my lust quickly returned and I was intent on burying my cock deep inside my sweet little Megan.
I began to move in and out while aggressively pushing in deeper, my wide shaft stretching her newly opened hole while she continued to moan,
"UH, UH, UH, TAKE ME DADDY, OH MY GOD, TAKE MEEEEE.
I plunged in and threw my head back,
"OHHHHH MEGAN, I'M FUCKING YOU BABY", I shouted.
"TAKE IT DADDY, FUCK MEEEEEEE", she screamed.
As I continued to fuck into her I lowered my head to a level position and with eyes closed I concentrated on fucking her pussy. I had both hands on the top of her butt pushing down while I had my fingers dug into her soft flesh. This helped me raise up just a little more as I jackhammered straight into her with reckless abandoned and causing Megan to continue with a steady,
"UH, OH, UH, OH, UH, OH, OH, OH, OH, TAKE WHAT YOU NEEEEEED, DO ME DADDY, DOOOOO MEEEEEEE", she screamed.
I was surprised I held out as long as I did considering how hot and nasty this whole session has been but my recent efforts and focus had brought me close.
"OHHHH MEGAN BABYYYYYY, DADDY'S GONNA CUM INSIDE YOU HONEY.
Her breathing picked up and I felt her hole tighten up and her back went stiff then she relaxed,
"Ohhh, daaaddddyyyyy", she breathed out loud as she flooded my cock with warm slippery liquid that sloshed as I hammered into her.
No longer able to contain it I tensed up tight, increased my thrusts into her and at absolute maximum pressure,
"OHHHHHHHH MEEEEEGAAAAAAN", I yelled out as an initial squirt left my peehole followed instantly by a roiling tsunami wave of blazing hot cum that blasted from deep inside her.
I thought the first wave would never end but that continual stream of cum felt so good, it made my shaft tingle with relief. I felt the next wave approach as Megan groaned,
"OH DADDYYYYY, CUM IN ME AGAIN".
No problem there I thought to myself as I let loose and,
"UHHHHHHHH BABYYYYYYY", I groaned as another torrent of liquid fire blasted out of my nozzle and pooled up deep inside my sweet daughters womb as Megan moaned,
"MMMM, IT FEELS SO WARM DEEP INSIDE ME".
I was spent after ejecting two huge streams of what seemed like endless cum into Megan's tight cunt. I have been fucking for many many years and you don't have quite as much as in earlier years but when you get someting fresh and new plus it's oh so wrong and naughty I guess you have more in you than you even imagined. I haven't cum like that or that much on a long time.
I held deep inside then slowly pulled out. I was going to ask her to squeeze but the grip her still new pussy had on me was sufficient to milk my cock.
As the remamts of cum was pushed up its tube and towards the exit it tingled and sent a shiver up my back as I pulled out. I looked down as a mixture of blood stained cum ran out of my daughters freshly fucked cunt. Her once mostly closed hole was agape but slowly closing as I fell back and finally relaxed.
Megan sat up on her knee's and then eased back onto her butt and leaned back against me then I put my arms around and held her. With the animal lust gone I was flooded with a little remorse at my attack on her. As traumatic as a girls first time must be it couldn't have helped that I unleashed myself on her, even at her request, I still felt a little bad so I held her.
"Sweetie are you alright", I asked with concern.
"Oh My God I didn't know it would be like this", she said.
"I'm sorry baby I didn't mean to be........to be so rough", I said.
"NOOOOO, I LOVED IT !, she said loudly.
That took me by surprise and she wasn't just saying that, she meant it and was enthusiastic about it. I think something has been opened up in her that she only thought about, heard about or even seen in a movie or whatever.
After a few minutes she got up and turned around and we looked down at the mess we had made then we hugged tightly and she kissed me all over my cheeks and continually thanked me.
I didn't express my feeling about this experience but inside I was like a kid again but I remained reserved. We got ourselves cleaned up and i took the sheets from the bed and threw them in the washer and put on a fresh set.
Later on the rest of the gang came home and they found Megan and I on the couch watching TV. The girls had shopping bags in their hands and ran through the living room towards their bedroom then Megan jumped up to follow them.
Mom and Sis walked by and just as she did on the way out Mom looked back at me. I pulled my eyes away from the TV and looked at her, she raised her eye brows as if asking "Well". I parsed my lips and shrugged my shoulders to say "Maybe" then she gave me a frown and walked away and I lightly chuckled.
After awhile we all went out to eat, with it being Sunday evening that is what we usually did then got ice cream then back to the house to settle in for the evening. the usual routine was to crowd up on the couch and watch movies, this time I had Brooke and Amber on each side of me.
I was laying on my side with Brooke behind me and Amber in front and you can imagine I couldn't help but to look Amber up and down.
I looked at all the girls and marveled at the variety and the visual characteristics that each had to offer but with Amber in front of me she was my primary focus.
She had on a new pair of tight little shorts on and her top was a white cotton fabric with a plunging neckline and frilly lace around the collar. Her slight and slender frame, perfect tanned skin and long blond hair was more interesting to me than the movie. Like I said before she was the absolute clone of her mother, very pretty, hot, provocative and adventurous.
Later in the night:
With it being very late, Sis and the girls once again sacked out on the couch and me being in bed who do you think I found laying next to me when I rolled over in the middle of the night...AMBER !.
"Hey daddy, you need to be taken care of again", she asked.
Given her slight frame I really didn't think she could handle it, she was the most slender of the four girls but that didn't keep my cock from springing into action.
She reached over and grabbed it and stroked my pole with hand,
"Just lay back and let me take care of things daddy", she said as she got up and pulled the covers back.
I rolled onto my back and was shocked when she straddled me instead of going down. Even with her stretching as high as she could while on her knee's there was no way she could get her cunt above my pole. She got on her feet and raised up then squatted over me so I placed a hand on her butt to support her as she lowered herself down while I used my other hand to guide my dick between her legs.
Just before we made contact I put a huge wad of spit into my palm and smeared it over my cock head then rubbed her little slit, she was wet, not sopping of course but she was wet. She trembled a little, either from nerves or from her tensed leg muscles as she descended.
We made contact and my head slip right into her slit so I pulled my hand away and placed it one her butt. She eased her leg muscles and continued down as my cock made it's way in and caused me to catch a quick breath as she impaled herself on my rock hard shaft,
"Oh my god baby", I whispered.
She did have some experience but likely with nothing of my size, as my cock made it's way in she grunted as her little snatch stretched open to accept my girth.
I pushed up on her butt with my hands and let her descend again, taking even more of her daddy's cock in her cunt. She was able to get back on her knee's now and lean forward and she began to rock as I pushed against her cute little butt. At this point I moved my hands to her hips which enabled me to pull her onto me as I pushed more cock inside my sweet little girl,
"oh baby girl your fucking daddy", I breathed out.
She never said a word but I could just tell she was concentrating on the task at hand. She was actually taking my cock in her with some ease, as I pulled her hips and I thrust upwards I slid in, I was already more than halfway in her snatch and pushing in more and she rocked harder and grunted with each advance my cock made.
She was fucking back at me steadily and I was already building for the immanent explosion and I heard her grunt again and let out a breath ads she came.
The extra lubrication helped and I pushed into her on her descent and I was burying almost balls deep inside of her which caused her to let out a huge grunt and that brought me on,
"baby I'm gonna blow", I said as loud as I could yet still whispering. With a grunt I shot a load of creamy cum into my little girl which quickly coated my cock as she continued to fuck me.
With another grunt I shot another blast inside her while she still fucked back at me and was breathing hard from her work.
"Squeeze it baby, squeeeeeze", I whispered.
As she bottomed out she squeezed on her uplift. My cock was a messy coating of my cum and her jizz as my shaft pistonned in and out of her until finally she slowed and I pushed her up and off of me.
She turned around and took my slowly deflating cock in her mouth then sucked and licked me clean, all I could do was lay there and wonder if this was all a dream, a wonderful incestuous dream.
When she was done she laid down next to me and we cuddled. I laid there, intent on going back to sleep and thought 3 down and one to go, seems kind of crass but that's what I thought then as I drifted to sleep the very last thing on my mind was to the one daughter I haven't experienced.
I thought about my sweet shy Brooke: "Breaking Brooke". (which is the next story in line, stay tuned) |
Title: 4 mothers on Blank Street_(0)
Tags: Fiction, Authoritarian, BDSM, Blowjob, Domination/submission, Humiliation, Incest, Lesbian, Male / Older Female, Mature, Mind Control, Water Sports/Pissing
Introduction:
Collared , leashed & hypnotized moms
Content:
Blank street featured only 4 cottage like homes & was a dead end street often called Motherfucker Lane, there was a reason , the residents called it that . Four friends , 20 year old Peter, 21 yr old Paul , 22 yr old Max & 23 yr old Jeff were master hypnotists & 1 year earlier all 4 for them had decided to use their skill to enhance their sexual enjoyment
Chapter 1 - Peter & mom Sharon
The backyard featured an enclosed inground swimming pool , so Peter was lying on a lawnchair getting a wicked blowjob from Sharon, she was a thin blonde 49 year old with big tits & a fat round ass . Wearing a lime green bikini & short heels , she was deepthroating her son/master's man wand. This was her first responsibility , it was to keep Mr. Pete as she called him now satisfied. Her husband Harvey , Mr. Pete's stepfather only got the sloppy seconds .
Chapter 2- Paul & mom Sonia
The stacked english wench , was getting dpd , her master /son Paul was being generous today & was allowing his father Charles to fuck her with his small dick while Paul shoved his monster 10inch prick down her throat. The action was taking pace in the living room , the short-haired , greyish short-haired brunette had no gag reflex after all the bjs she had given this year. 56 yrs old with 44dd slightly saggy natural tits , Sonia was wearing a dog-collar with the word House-Slut on it . Paul unloaded her favorite dessert down her throat & she swallowed it all
Chapter 3- Max & mom Denise
Denise was licking Max's behind , while Max wacked off . They were in her bedroom , watching nasty goldenshower porn videos fro Germany, they had just finished watching a granny , being peed on by her 20something grandson . Dee as Max called her , assumed she would soon receive a golden shower , because Max loved intimadating what he saw in xxx movies . At least once a day he had her drink urine & receive a pissfacial . Also Max was very much into bdsm,fisting etc. She would go days on end , just wearing a collar, leash & spiked heels and nothing else just serving his sexual desires in the basement ( aka the dungeon which Bill Evans , Max's stepdad had converted , he like the other dads were hypnotized cuckolds)
Chapter 4 Jeff & mom Sandra
Sandra was an ex-stripper with massive fake tits & fat ass, her husband Ernie was a limp-dicked cuckold & Sandra's second husband. Sandra was the first of all the moms to be hypnotized. Jeff had a twelve inch dink & was finding it difficult to find women his own age who could take care of him & his monster dong . So raven -haired , part-time real-estate agent & mom Sandra was perfect , Her 48dd fake , stand at attention were great for tit-fucking & her fabulous ass was great for anal . Jeff was always horny ,so even when his mom was out trying to sell houses , he would wack off to the films , his stepdad Ernie had recorded of him using his mom as a sex-toy. He watched them fucking in all positions , her giving head , drinking his piss & of course , he had many pics of Sandra's face covered in his jism . Some he kept ina photo album , while others , Ernie & Sandra kept framed by their bedside to remind them that Sandra was owned by her Master/son Jeff
Chapter 5
Once a month the guys & their mother/slaves get-together to party. Since it was summer , they decided to have it at Peter's place. Sharon , Sonia , Dee & Sandra were all wearing thin thong bikinis & 4inch spiked heels . All the guys were drinking beer & immediately told the four moms to strip down but leave on their heels . Once they were naked , all four were ordered to take a stroll around the pool deck so the young gentleman could check out their racks . The masters loved seeing their mom whores strutting their stuff. All 4 had hardons . So next they were gonna see why they loved getting together. As , Paul, Peter, Max & Jeff motioned for their moms to pair up & begin french-kissing .. 51 yr old Sandra began tonguing the the 49year old hostess Sharon , while 56 yr old Sonia & 54 yr old Dee also french-kissed. As the moms started to get more & more turned on , They formed a daisy circle where Sharon licked Sonia's pussy,Sonia licked Dee's cunt,Dee ate Sandra 's pie & Sandra did the same to Sharon. As the ladies all reached orgasmic bliss . The Masters watched in amazement at the horniness of the ladies that had given them birth. They were still drinking beer but Harvey Pete's stepdad (who owned the house & pool ) was filming the lesbian ction for prosperity. Once the moms were exhausted from all their orgasms . The guys decided the end was near so they collared & leashed the sex slaves , but what was different this time was that . The moms went with non-related Masters , Sharon was being led by Paul, Sonia was being led by Peter , Denise was being led by Jeff & the ex-stripper Sandra was being led by her neighbour's son Max. All the whores were pulled by their leashes into the bathroom in the poolhouse where all received a pissfacial , once they were covered in urine they thanked the men who had used them as their own personal toilets. Harvey filmed the final scene where his wife Sharon , still naked mopped up all the piss off the floor . Once everyone took a water-shower &cleaned up. Dinner was served in the dining room by the hostess who had changed into a french-maids outfit. The masters ate first , as they sat down , each mother got down on her knees & blew her son's /master's penis & ate his cum |
Title: (4)Obey!..the priest and the whore.
Tags: Diary, Hardcore, Rape, Violence
Introduction:
Nothing is as it seems. Is it more fun to fuck a priest than a cop?
Content:
Obey!..and I'll allow you to serve me again. | XNXX Adult Forum
(2)Obey!..and your secret wishes will come true. | XNXX Adult Forum
Free Sex Stories & Erotic Stories @ XNXX.COM
"I'm sorry to spring this on you, but I didn't see any other way to talk to you undisturbed. I also don't want us to be seen together for the time being."
„Yes, walking through the village hand in hand with a priest would probably not go down well here.“
„That's not what I mean."
„Then, what do you mean?"
„I am here for a reason.“ I can't suppress my laughter and can only get my words out between bursts of laughter.
„Yeah, I felt the reason pretty clearly." He pulls me closer to him and laughs along with me.
„I've been reading up on you." A few alarm bells go off in my head, but I don't panic just yet. There's not much he could find out about me, so I wait to see what he says.
„You're new in town, you bought the house less than two months ago, and you're single." OK, I think. Obvious and generally accessible facts.
„You're beautiful, you're sexy, and you like medieval markets.“ I play with the hair on his chest with my fingers and snuggle closer to him. "And you're the perfect prey." My fingers stop playing, he has my full attention.
"There have been alarmingly high number of brutal rapes across the country, especially in rural areas. As always with such cases, the number of unreported cases is very high because only a small percentage are reported, but this series is different." My alarm bells slowly change to a slightly shrill tone that is hard to ignore.
"What's different?" I ask, hoping my voice sounds neutral and interested.
"None of the women reported their rapists."
"None?" I ask.
"Not a single one."
Images of my own "rape" arise in my mind, and I feel the longing deep in my belly to experience it again and again. There is still a small scratch on my thigh from the tree bark that my rapist pressed me against when he fucked me so hard. Only now do I realize that I was watching the spot when my horny priest licked me.
The images don't want to leave my mind. I have to force myself away from it because it wouldn't be good if my priest realized how wet I am again right now.
I have to concentrate fully on him.
"How do you know that?" I ask and add before he can answer. "And who are you?" It is obvious that he is not a priest. The information he has is not read out as announcements at mass.
"I'm investigating undercover and trying to find the rapists."
"There are several of them?"
"At least two." My brain switches back to head-cinema, and I remember the warm liquid flowing from my fucked pussy and how incredibly good it felt. Yes, there are definitely two.
Maybe more. How about three of them? What would they do to me? How intense would it be then?
I realize that my heart is beating faster, and I try to calm myself down.
"And why are you here? To warn me?"
"Yeah, that too." He remains silent, and I look up at him. His face has taken on a tense expression, as if he's thinking about what he can tell me. I decide to ask questions because if we're both silent, my brain has too many opportunities to go back to my "rape" and get me even hotter.
"How do you know about the rapes if they weren't reported? Are the victims dead?"
"No, all the victims we know of so far are alive."
"And what do they say about the rapists?"
"Nothing, absolutely nothing." That sounds interesting.
"Can't they remember? Are they being threatened? Tell me something that makes me understand. What makes you think there have been rapes if nobody reports anything?"
"There are videos of it on the net." My heartbeat is racing, and I can't think of anything else but watching my video.
To relive it all and see for myself that it really does look as beautiful as it felt.
Did I present myself correctly?
Was it to see my rapist's cock passing down my throat and him cumming in my stomach?
Was the camera on a tripod, or was it operated by a third person?
No. I would have heard or felt a third person sooner or later. These were all questions I had to ask myself later.
Now, with difficulty, I returned to reality.
"If there are videos, then surely you have lots of clues about the rapists and the victims." I don't want to ask too specifically. I can already imagine his expression when I ask, Is his cock really that long, or does it just feel that way?
I find that funny and suppress a chuckle.
"The videos are well edited. You can see the rape with all the gruesome details, but the faces are either not visible or completely pixelated."
"So you have victims that you can't identify and rapists that you also can't identify. No reports, nothing? Maybe it wasn't rape, maybe it was just an act? At whose instigation are you investigating anyway?"
"Your question is justified, but you haven't seen the videos. There are many, and they are clear. It doesn't look like an act. The women really do suffer pain, humiliation, and sexual violence. I'll spare you the details, but even if a couple of women would get involved in something like this volountairly , there can't be that many."
I want to tell him that he has no idea, but maybe he does, and we're talking about completely different people. Maybe the man I like to call the rapist in my mind isn't my throat-fucker at all.
"The videos are long. The women are obviously held captive for hours and raped over and over again."
The thought that arises in my head is: Or do they keep coming back because they can't get enough? Just like me.
It's getting dangerous because I can feel how wet I am.
"You say they all survive. How do you know that? Do they go to the doctor afterward? To the emergency room?"
"I can't give you details like that. I just want you to be careful. Above all, don't open the door like you did to me today. I could be one of them. Do you realize that?"
He has no idea how clear that was to me when I saw him in the doorway and how happy I was to let him in.
"What's your name anyway?" I ask, trying to distract myself.
"Sam, my name is Sam."
"Nice to meet you, Sam," I say with a grin and stand up. "Thanks for the warning. I need to go to the bathroom and take a shower." Yes, I really do need to shower.
"Mind if I shower with you?" I grin at him and get up.
The shower is full of steam very quickly, and that's just fine with me. The hot spray hits my neck and breasts as he soaps my back. When he turns around so I can do the same.
I just have to do something else roo.
The thought occurred to me as we got into the shower, and it wouldn't let me go. Slowly and pleasurably, I let urine escape from my bladder and flow down my legs. The main jet of the shower is directed at the man in front of me, and I can enjoy the warm feeling and the memories associated with it while I work on his back.
I hope he fucks me right here, but first I enjoy pissing myself in his presence.
I can't and don't want to explain it; I just feel it, and it makes me hot.
Then I press my body against his from behind and squeeze my bladder empty.
I reach around him and grasp his already hard cock. He turns me to the side and lets the water splash down on both of us from the side while he presses himself against me from behind. I let him slide into me and press my hands against the cool tiles of the shower.
He's aroused, but not just because he loves fucking me so much.
I know for a fact that he's also thinking about the videos he mentioned. He wants to fuck me the way he saw it there, and I stand with my legs a little wider and move my body further down. As he thrusts harder, I start to moan. He fucks me hard, and I have to use a lot of strength to hold my position.
"Yes," I moan loudly, and he grabs me hard around the waist. Then he pumps into me with a force and speed that quickly turns the pent-up excitement into an oncoming orgasm.
"Fuck, yes!" I hear him moan, and I can't imagine that the men in his videos can fuck a woman harder from behind then he is fucking me.
Now all he'd have to do is piss inside me, and we'd have the exact replay.
The thought is too much for me, and I come hard. He keeps pumping and pumping until my orgasm subsides.
Then he pulls his cock out and squirts on my ass. His cum washes right off, but I know he's staring at it.
Has he raped me now? I find the thought both funny and absurd.
I leave the shower with trembling legs.
"How did you get a job like this, Sam? Tell me something about yourself."
"I actually wanted to be a priest. Then my older sister was raped, and it really affected her. That's when I changed my mind and joined the police. Now I'm here, traveling after the criminals. They leave few traces, but sometimes you can see the surroundings in the videos. Most of the rapes take place outdoors, and, as luck would have it, one of our technicians is an amateur botanist.
He recognized a type of moss that is very rare and was able to narrow down an area for us to search.
That's why I'm here.
We went downstairs, and I made coffee.
Should I tell Sam that it wasn't rape? Or was it just not me?
How do you explain to a man you've just slept with that it was great to be slapped in the face and that I only swallowed the spit of an unknown man to achieve exactly that effect?
Because that's exactly what I realize now. I did it to make him punish me, and I will do it again.
I would like to help Sam.
If the other women really were raped, then I have to help him. But I also need to be sure.
"How did you even get on the rapists' trail if I obviously didn't complain?"
"The videos are posted on a site we monitor, and since they not only show the rapes but also have the title "Another whore to rape," we had to investigate.
I don't even try to get him to show me the videos. Not yet.
My own won't be online yet. I assume I have a few more sessions to go before the men are done with me. Now that I know I'm being filmed and that it's going to look like rape, I'm going to get even more pleasure out of it.
"Can you at least tell me what the men look like? Black, white, fat, thin, with wooden legs?" I ask casually, as if to keep the conversation going. Maybe Sam's de***ion will confirm or disprove my guess.
"One is an average guy like me. About my height, a little overweight." I have to laugh.
"You're an average guy? That's good to know." He grins, flattered.
"The other one is a bit more striking. When he's not raping women, he probably spends all his time in the gym pumping up his muscles. His whole physique is an advertisement for anabolic steroids." Cold shivers run down my spine and are immediately replaced by a wave of excitement.
That's them! These are the men who have fucked me.
I know I'm doing the wrong thing, and I should tell him everything. But I can't. I can't tell a man I'm interested in what I've done. I can't tell him that I thought it was hot to be called a whore and that I want to do it again. He wouldn't understand. I don't understand it myself.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" I ask, even though I know how I could help.
"Just be careful and call me if you suspect anything. I mean it seriously. If they get their hands on you, it'll be too late."
Yes, Sam, I think as I lock the door behind him.
It's already too late. |
Title: 4 Some
Tags: Fantasm, Anal, Bi-sexual, Blowjob, Boys/Teen Female, Consensual Sex, Cruelty, First Time, Group Sex, Incest
Introduction:
This is my first story it will be quick but i suck at spelling and grammer
Content:
Well to start off i will discribe me... I am 5'10 Brown Hair Brown Eyes I am 130 Lbs. I work out every other day I am very strong and i show it I am also 16 Y/O. (Guy)
Next i will discribe one of my cousins Her name is Ashley She is 5'7 Brown Hair Brown Eyes Hot as hell (Just to add;)) She has fair tits 34 C She is also 16
Next I will discribe my other cousin Her Name is Stephanie she is 19 She is Twins with my next cousin She is 5'0 100 lbs. Brn hair Brn eyes
Last is my other 19 Y/O Cousin named Kim she looks just like Steph.
It was a dark day in winter. We were all hanging out in my aunts house (Ashleys Mom) My aunts and my mom were out having drinks and wouldent be back untill the next day. Me and my cousins were always best friends and i will admit i have Jacked Off to my cousins Before I love them so much in a non sexual way. Untill now we were all sitting across from each other eating Maccaroni and some how Sex came up, We were all virgins and we all wanted to lose it but not to some ass hole or meaningless Slut. So we decided thet we will have a 4 Some and that i would do the honors and pop there cherries and being a teen guy i was totaly ok with that.
It was excactly 7:00 PM when it happend we went up to Ashleys room And everybody stripped I had an instant Hard-on seeing all of those Hot Tight Smooth Pussys right infront of me I layed down on the bed and they all stood around me Ashley sucking My cock with Kims finger up her pussy while Kim was making out with me with steph eating her pussy with my finger up her pussy. After 5 minutes I was so horney from all of these hot bitches on me i finally yelled that i was cumming and ashley deep throghted me and that was it all of us cummed at once my cum flew everywhere.
The only problem was nobody lost there virginity and i was still hard. Do the math this was going to be one wild night... First up Stephanie I asked how she wanted to do it she told me to stick my big cock up her ass then switch to her pussy. with out another word i took her to the bed lined my cock up with her tight asshole and i pushed in as hard as i could she cried and then she laughed and said I thought you didnt want us to be fucked by an asshole... Asshole. then she moned out in lustad she yelled OHHH Ahhh Immmm CUMMINGGGGG! and ass she was cumming i ripped my cock out of her ass and stuck it right up her pussy until i hit her hymen then i pulled back untill only my head was in then i pushed it right in not as hard as i did her ass and she screamed in esctacy as i smacked her ass as hard as i could and then i felt the hot thick liquid cumming up my shaft (little joke there) and as i hit her womb I came harder then i ever have before. I collapsed on top of her as my now soft dick fell out of Her pussy.
Then i thought Oh shit i need to get hard again i have 2 more cums to go Then Kim and Ashley aggreed that Ashley was next and how they figured it out was quite unique they fought and ashley won I asked how she wanted it She said She wanted to be in control Then she Sucked on my cock like it was a Lollipop Untill Peter Johnson rised to the occasion and then She got right to the Point she pushed me on my back and sat on my dick it tore right threw her hymen She screeched in pain a combo of Blood and pussy juice I knew i wanted to cum but i couldent she was screaming Oh Ahhh Im Gonna cumm!! and i flipped around so i was on top and i kept fucking her stroke by stroke and then she came i had never felt any thing better then these pussy juices flowing on top of my dick and onto my balls she was still cumming and i knew i wasnt even close to cumming so i just kept going she yelled at me saying that her pussy was too sensitive But i kept going and she was screaming and then i Finally came It ony came in 2 strings and it was painful but i couldent stop now i still had to pound Kim with my huge dick.
Steph had already fallen asleep and we were all jelous but we knew we needed a break so we went down stairs to get some water and some food and then we went back up stairs then Kim declared That it was her turn so i automaticly had a Hard On for a change and i asked her how she wanted it and she said she wanted it doggie style in the ass and that she didnt want to lose her virginity just yet. With that i took her to the bed and i leaned her over the bed and i slowly went into her ass it wasnt as tight as Stephanies so i asked and she said she has had it up the ass from guys before and olso some women with strapons all of a sudden i became extreamly horney and i plunged hard into her ass i could have sworn i hit her intestaces it felt so good we started grinding with each other while ashley was fingering herself and then the smell of sex hit me it was so hot i fingered her pussy while i fucked her up the ass then she started moaning and calling my name and told me to fuck her harder So i did and then she yelled Im cummmmming!!!!!!! and i kept fucking harder and harder then we came at the same time and then just as we were finishing up the door opened... |
Title: ( 4 ) Staurday night was great
Tags: Diary, Anal, Ass to mouth, Ass to pussy, Bi-sexual, Cum Swallowing, Fisting, Incest
Introduction:
Stef gets kinkier still
Content:
Last night’s fun with our kids and Stef had gone very well, in one good long fuck session, we had found a new cum slut to play with, and now today, as I rung guys we know, I set up a group fuck for us all.
During the day, we all said last night was great and decided not to play today, but save our energy for tonight, but as always sex seems to just happen. We did some light play, sucking and so on, but otherwise the day was very relaxed and restful.
We all had a swim and got our internal prep work done, the girls all shaved one another’s pussies too, as Stu and I watched on. Though out the course of the day, we asked Stef what she might want to try, especially as this would be her first group fuck, She said to try taking 3 guys at once, as when we both fucked her last night she felt so full and her orgasm were stronger than ever, "No Problem" I replied, will make sure you get that.
Then she shyly said, can she try more of our toys too, " of Course" we all said, "Any one in particular, I said",
Again shyly she said, "The big one"
'Ok but we will wait until you have been well and truly fucked and your pussy is open nicely too" I said
Again a shy look, " Was thinking of trying it in my arse she said"
We all looked a bit shocked but smiled and nodded yes.
We had all got ready, I used a small dildo in Stef but to get her warmed up, and she enjoyed a couple of orgasms, then the girls went of to dress,
The guys know us well, and of course we didn't bother, as they turn up, things quickly get going anyway, so why waste time, but Stef and Kim returned wearing some really sexy gear, my cock jumped up upon seeing them.
They gave us a quick show twirling around, showing their shaved pussies, butts & boobs just staying inside the see though dress's.
The guys started to arrive, and as expected, they were more than happy to see Kim, and then Stef, soon, hands explored them both, as more and more guys arrived, things got going.
I knew Sue would soon be taking one or two cocks, as was Stu, so I made my way over to Stef and began to lick her pussy out, her mouth planted firmly on a cock, then just as quick my cock slipped in her pussy, and she sucked harder still.
I told her to lay down, and slid her onto Dave's cock, it went straight in, her pussy nice and slick, then I wet her anus, now with no mucking around, my cock pressed home, she jumped a bit, but quickly pushed back, both holes full of man meat, she began to moan loudly, as more orgasms ripped though her.
We kept her going for awhile, then I called Chris over and told him to fuck her mouth, she opened her mouth, her moans now muffled but still letting us know she was having fun, she took us all for some time, then Dave looked at me, I knew he was about to cum, my balls already straining trying not too, so I said any chance we can give her 3 loads in one go, Dave nodded, Chris smiled and I said to Stef, get ready here comes 3 hot loads of cum for you, as we all began to fuck her harder than before.
I was first, my balls shot man seed so deep in her butt, like it was never going to stop, this set Dave off, I felt his cock jerking inside her pussy, as Stef gagged, Chris blew his load in her mouth, with the three of us unloading into her, she was shaking, its a wonder she didn't fall off Dave.
She stayed still, her body slowly regaining composure, as her orgasms subsided, we slipped out of her, my mouth on her pussy and arse, licking up cum, sucking out our juices from her body, Dave kissed her sharing Chris's cum with her, then with a large amount of our cum I went up, angled her face and let it dribble into her mouth, she took it, licking her lips, then kissed me back, the smile so big said it all.
We let her up, Kim was under her quickly, licking up the last of our cum, as Stef took another cock in her mouth, soon 3 more guys took control, as she began the fun again, with three new hard cocks, Kim sucked me hard, then sat on my manhood, her butt taking it all, she leant forward, as we both shared a cock, then she jumped, I saw hand on her hips, as another cock was pushed in next to mine, Kim went crazy, this was her first anal dp, as we both took her higher than ever.
Stef was watching Kim, both having several good orgasms as they worked away on us all.
Then Stef, began to moan louder, her mouth leaking cum, her orgasm kept going, soon the sound of two more guys shooting her full of cum let us know she had her second full house fuck.
Stef moved over to Kim, kissing her, and playing with her boobs, then she let out a shocked sound, and I heard her say to Kim, that both cocks were in her arse, "Of course" said Kim, its great.
Oh wow, as Stef moved off, in search of new cocks, I had been fucking Kim now for some time, had butt is so nice and now with both of us in her, tight too, so I winked at Kim we moved, her butt let us slip out, then she sat down on my fist, taking some 3 or 4 Inches of me in her butt, her mouth filled with the spare cock, didn't last long, cum dripped out onto my face, she jumped up and down with glee as she enjoyed my fisting.
I saw Stef squatting over two cocks, she rode them well, then looking closer, and I saw that both were in her arse, gee she was going well, nodding to Kim I looked back, we both smiled and carried on our fisting fun, I then spun Kim around, my butt near her side
Now my fist still in her butt, she knew what I wanted as her fingers found their way Inside me. we did a 69 fisting and enjoyed several good orgasms too.
Sue and Stu were both getting plenty of attention, I saw Stu fucking Sue, while his arse was also being fucked, and Sue sucking on another cock. Stef let out a good loud moan as she cum again then pulled of the two cock, it was then i wanted to try some thing new.
Moving away from Kim, I went behind Stef, her butt looked great, a nice red hole with cum running out, as I slipped my fingers inside her hole, then with little effort and lots of luck, my hand went in, Stef jumped up, but I held her down, keeping my fist in her butt. now she relaxed, my fingers began to work her bowels, I was just in, my knuckles and wrist inside her, then knowing what to feel for, I pushed up deeper,
finding her second chamber I gave one hard push, I know what it felt like the first time it was done to me, Stef screamed a nice scream, as I held her still.
Then slowly I worked her, her first fisting orgasm took her, she was out of control, shaking violently, just as she started to come down from that I pushed once more, knowing she would be internally open, my fingers went deeper still, again she held me tight, her anal muscles gripping my hand, with good timing a cock was pushed in her mouth, this made her relax a bit, so I worked her some more, another good orgasm shot
out, this time i didn't wait, while she was cuming, I pushed again, I was now going into her fourth or fifth chamber, her orgasms now flowed quicker, a I moved in and out gently.
Kim had come over, holding Stef, kissing and asking her how she was, I saw Stef nod a ok, as another orgasm shot thought her, Now I held still and let her work her body on my hand, she pushed back, each time a orgasm followed. She was ready, I moved around, bigger and bigger orgasm hit her, then with one good push my arm was nearly inside her, inches from my elbow, she was a real trooper. as Stef collapsed on the floor exhausted.
I left my arm in her for awhile, then slowly with draw, she shook, moving around, I know what it feels like, then with my knuckles at her opening I stopped, pushed back in a few inchs, a couple of times, then pulled all the way out, that did the trick, she squirted me with heaps of fluid, as she shook uncontrollably, I lay next to her and gave her a cuddle as she kissed me.
When she regained her self, and moved , she saw the fluid on the ground, with a red face she apologised , thinking she had wet herself, I smiled and said, "No " you squirted, when you cum"
"Oh wow, I never squirt normally" she replied, hugging and kissing me hard.
Every one was busy, Kim had three or four guys playing with her, as did Sue, Stu was also taking care of two guys too, so with a wink I said " Want to try the 12 inch dildo now"
Stef was on her knee's and waiting, i grabbed the dildo and strap on, we have two holes in our, I put my cock thought the bottom hole and the big 12 inch in the top hole, wetting it with some spit, I eased forward. Stef butt was well open now, and the tip went in easy, I knew that this would fell bigger than my fist as fingers give a bit, this big fellow wouldn't give at all. So I told Stef to push back as she felt comfortable, and held still.
She worked the dildo, I was watching her anus open like a tunnel, with some 4 inches or so in her she slowed, working, back and forth, enjoying the fullness of it in her, then without warning she pushed back hard, I eased forward to counter the push, and another 3 or 4 inchs went in, she jumped but held firm, again she eased back and fourth, getting her freshly fucked butt used to the size, this time as she moved away from me,
I was ready, she trust back, yelling as she did, that must have hurt her, as all 12 inches went in.
I held still, her body shaking, but she kept it all in her, then she slowly began to work it, her orgasms now building, at first she let some slip out, then as she was cuming, it went back in her, she was a pro, she knew how to work it so that each
thrust made her cum again, then she began to really get going, her body taking it all,
as with every push back she cum, my cock was straining for more fun, this time as she
pushed back I aimed it at her pussy, I hit her hole, but my cock bent, the hole was so
tight, with out big toy in her arse.
Not to be out done, I kept it there, every time she pushed back, she felt my cock hit her pussy lips, then the tip went in, she slowed, excepting my cock she started to work it in further.
Her pussy was so tight, but slowly each thrust my cock went in further, her orgasm now stronger still, small amounts of fluid shot out with the bigger orgasms now, then I was in, my cock fully home, and when she pushed back hard, both went fully home, she was in heaven, and
so was I.
I began to take over, fucking her faster now, not to hard, but fast, then more and more built up speed and pushed harder into her, until it was to late, my balls gave me no warning, as bang, they filled her pussy with cum, sending her over the top big time. fluid washed my body as she cum once more.
Sliding the dildo out, we rested for awhile, Stef was a mess, she had what can only be said to be a very contented look on her face, and for some time, speechless.
When she spoke, her words were a bit jumbled, but I took her arm , sat her over my face and ate her butt and pussy, taking all my cum back, with out saying a thing, Stef bent down, kissing and sharing my cum, her body shaking still. I was looking into her eyes, she smiled then kissed me again, saying Thank You.
It was late before most of the guys went home, and we all had been more than happy with our new play friend. Kim and Stef spent the rest of the night sleeping together, while we carried on with one or two guys a bit longer, and they stayed in our spare room.
Late Sunday morning we woke, to the sound of fucking from Kim's bedroom, looking in, Stu and Dave were taking advantage of their morning woody and fucking the girls, both doggy on the edge of the bed, Frank was stuffing his cock in Kim's mouth, as Gary fucked Stef's mouth, so the girls were more than happy.
After Stu and Dave had cum, I took Kim into the shower, giving her a quick fuck, before pulling my cock out and pissing all over her boobs and face, she lapped it up, I didn’t see Stef watching, but heard a noise, the guys also stood by, then Stef came over and played with Kim’s boobs, my bladder empty, I swapped her with Kim and told the guys to try it, Stef looked a bit concerned but stayed where she was, as pee began to flow, at first on her boobs, and she rubbed it in, then she dipped her head, catching some on her face too, it wasn't long before all the guys had finished pissing and we took a shower.
Stef looked stunning her hair and face sticky with cum, as Kim washed her soft body with love. I told the girls we might have to see, if any guys still have cum left for a afternoon delight, Stef nodded yes as she kissed Kim's boobs.
After a good clean up, we left the girls to use the douche ready for later, Stu’s & Sue What can we do later, one asked,
"With those two, anything we want", I replied |
Title: (4 ) The Holiday fun contines
Tags: Diary, Anal, Ass to mouth, Bi-sexual, Cum Swallowing, Fisting, Group Sex, Hardcore, Water Sports/Pissing
Introduction:
what a way to enjoy a holiday
Content:
Our small group of three couples was going well, when Dave and Joe brought their mates along to prove they had fucked our woman, now with 8 guys to fuck them the girls were in for a long night, I saw Sue take on three guys at once, her ass taking two and her mouth another, I was fucking Gretchen's ass, while her pussy had one of the new guys in it, Lyn happy to take care of the other three guys cocks, often after getting a hole filled with cum, the girls would drop it in some ones mouth, I was more than happy to oblige with that.
Sue and Gretchen had both just emptied another full load of cum from their guys, so handing them the poppers I told them to put a show on for the new guys, laying down I held my arms up, at first they were unsure, but then Sue sat over my left arm and lowered her ass onto my fist, Gretchen followed suit on my right fist, both riding themselves to huge orgasm, the guys jaws just dropped.
Lyn pulled up Lou's arm, now all three girls were trying to outdo one another, their cries of orgasm filling the night air, Lyn then bent forward and told Joe to fuck her ass too, his cock slide in alongside Lou's fist, she shot into a massive orgasm as one of the new guys shot his load over her face, Sue then looked around, one of the new guys had a hard cock, so she told him to fuck her ass too, she then asked me for the poppers, sniffing them to help her anus take him.
Sue had picked well, his cock was big maybe 9 inches long, and average thickness, he knelt behind her and eased his cock in, at first he had trouble Sue was trying hard, so I handed her the poppers again, she took several good hard sniff, then bent forward more, his cock slid in easy this time, her orgasm almost instantaneous, sent her into a wild frenzy her body shaking her rosebud now bright red, as she rode us both.
I don't know if the guy knew it, but I was holding his cock inside her ass, Sue still going strong, as a loud grunt broke the rhythm and he shot his bolt right up her ass, my hand covered in his cum, I felt his cock being to shrink, then slide out, but just as quick another took his place, this one I must have missed it was bigger by far, he too fucked Sue hard, as my fingers wrapped around his member.
Sue was showing signs of exhaustion, as her orgasm gripped us tight, but with less movement from her, then he too filled her ass with another hot load, this time I held him squeezing his cock to get the last of his cum from him.
As Sue pulled of my fist, I looked at her rosebud, it was huge, and sticking right out, cum leaked out my tongue found her hole and licked her clean, Gretchen had slipped of my other hand, and was kissing Sue while her ass was fucked, both girls ass looked great, they were anal sluts, with rosebuds to prove it.
Sue lay down exhausted but Lyn had other ideas, she lay over her, licking her clit and eating any cum she could find, Lyn's ass quickly filled by a cock,
Gretchen also kept busy with two guys using her for their pleasure, and by the way she was going, she wasn't going to stop any time soon, I got Lou to fuck my ass for me, this time doggy, Gretchen moved under me sucking my cock, so she could get a good view, leaving her guys to find other holes to fuck.
I told Lou to pull his cock out and for Gretchen to fist me, and Lou to slide his cock back in, it felt so good with Gretchen playing with his cock inside my ass, he took his time too, slowly working my ass, then he told Gretchen to grip his cock tight, he unloaded deep inside my ass, Gretchen saying how weird it felt, as they pulled out I sucked his cock dry then licked the cum from her arm, while I was kneeling they, my ass was filled by another cock, looking back Rick was balls deep in my ass, Sue next to him urging him on.
She told me it had been a fantasy of hers to see Rick fuck another guy and him to be fucked too, and seeing as he had enjoyed fucking her ass and the others, it was only fair she get her wish, I told him his cock felt great just as a anal orgasm hit me, his efforts doubled then, I got Sue to lay under me to get a close up look and be ready to eat his cum from me, Rick really got into gear his cock going deep too.
As another orgasm hit me, I heard and felt Rick tense up,, then wham my ass was filled with cum, that was enough to keep my orgasm going as he gripped my waist hard, making sure all his baby seed was deposited inside me, as his cock fell out I sat up, Sue ready to take his load, once in place I pushed hard, his cum shot out, splashing all over her face and hair, I spun around licking her clean, as Rick fell in a heap next to her.
The other guys were still going strong, Lyn and Gretchen keeping them busy, some had watched my show with interest, the guy with the big cock took extra interest, so when I could I moved under Lyn while he was fucking her ass, and licked her clit, my tongue also licking his cock, he didn't worry about that, then as his cock dropped out, I sucked it right down my throat, again he didn't pull away, so I kept sucking him.
Now he was face fucking me, his cock starting to pulse, then with one loud grunt, he filled my mouth with his cum, I ate it all then licked him dry, Lyn turned to help me suck him clean, and also to keep him hard, she said if you think my ass is nice you should try his, its tighter than mine, he looked shocked but my mouth on his hard cock showed us he was thinking about it.
Big cock whispered to Lyn, and she looked and said that's ok, come with us, taking his hand and nodding to me, we went inside the caravan, then he told me, he didn't want his mates to see him fuck my ass, the curtains were shut and Lyn locked the door, I knelt on the bed and Lyn slide under me, big cock, Al, I found out later pushed his cock to my ass, and then with one good push went right in balls deep, my did that feel good.
He got a good rhythm going, long deep strokes that did the trick, my anal orgasm rang out, as Lyn sucked my cock, Al, then started going faster, I let him keep this up for awhile then said, slow down and let Lyn fist me and you fuck me, his eyes were wide, as he pulled out, I took some poppers and Lyn's fist went in past her wrist, then we told him to push his cock back in, he eased it in slowly, it was tight, but once in he picked up the pace again, I had several good orgasm, then I felt him shudder and squirt his cum deep in my ass, Lyn played with his cock as he slowly pulled it out.
I swung around, my ass over Lyn's face and pushed his cum out sucking his cock dry as I did, Al saw his cum all over her face, then I moved and licked it off her, kissing her as I did, Al then bent down and also licked his cum from her face sharing it with her, my mouth went back to his cock while he kissed her clean.
I thanked Al for fucking me and told him we will be staying another day as well, and asked if he could return, he smiled and said "yes for sure" then we went out to join in the orgy again, Gretchen and Sue taking 3 guys each, some now with soft cocks, had run out of cum, but still wanted to play with the girls, Lyn took on Lou who was trying to get his cock hard again.
It was late when the guys left, by now we all were tired, but once more we slept with different partners, I got Sue again tonight, but this time other than a few kiss's we fell asleep fairly quickly, with my cock buried in her ass.
I woke with my normal morning woody, but Sue was still asleep, so I took a stroll to the toilets and did some internal cleaning, walking back naked to the camp I saw the girls head of towards the toilets too, all three fully naked and laughing a lot, if any cars came along they would get a real eye full. I whistled and waved to them, all three turned and giggled their tits, boy I kind of hoped a car did come along and see the girls, would cause a stir for sure.
It was possible an hour later when the girls returned, laughing about being seen by a truck driver, who stopped and asked for directions, even though he must have been a local, who would blame him, even offered them a lift back, but they said he was a scruffy looking guy, so didn't take him up of the offer.
Lyn and Sue went for a walk to the toilets in the afternoon, both wore just a man's shirt, but open, it was some time before they returned, it seems a guy who checks the site had come along, and talked to them, when I saw Lyn wipe her finger across her lips, I knew she or they had given him a blow job, they laughed and told us that his cock kept growing bigger as they talked, and in the end Sue went down and began to blow him, Lyn of course joined in.
I asked did they invite him for more fun tonight, both nodded a yes, so more cocks to keep them happy, after some light food, we had a few drinks to relax until the guys arrived, but around 6 pm the girls couldn't wait and started to play with us, they knew it wouldn't be long before the other's turned up, our cocks got them wet and ready.
We kept the girls busy, then the new guy turned up, his face lit up when he saw us all fucking, he soon dropped his shorts, his hard cock looked good to, as Lyn invited him to fuck her ass, he slid right in, fucking her fast, while Lou went under licking her clit, then Lou turned and slid his cock in her ass with the new guy, they seemed to have trouble getting a rhythm, but soon Lyn was enjoying a good dp.
We heard a car drive up, quickly followed by 5 naked guys ready to fuck our women again tonight, and now each honed in on a ass or pussy and the orgy started, the girls taking on 3 guys each, after we had played for awhile I got Al and asked if he wanted a private play again, he said yes, but later after he had fucked the girls some more, and said he had another mate who wanted to join us.
The night went extremely well, with everyone getting more than enough pussy or cock, I ate as much cum as I could get from the girls, but Rick was giving me a good run for my money, eating the cum from the girls too, as well as the girls themselves eating one another out, then Al asked if we could have our private session, I waited until the guys fucking Lyn had finished then took Al inside, he nodded to one of his mates who joined us, once inside I sucked them both, while Lyn sucked me.
I then knelt on the bed, Al opened up my ass with his cock, while his mate watched, after a few minutes, I told him to lay under me and slipped his cock in my ass, then told Al to put his back in, it was tight to get started but once they got going, my ass opened up nicely, Lyn playing with the three of us, kept my cock hard, my anal orgasm told the guys they were doing the right thing, then the guy under me grunted and shot me full of his cum, when his cock slipped out Al kept fucking me deep, pushing the cum further in.
When the guy under me moved out, I asked if he had ever fisted a guy, he looked shocked, Lyn moved her fingers pushing in with Al, then she told Al to remove his cock for a second, her fist went in and then Al slide his cock back in, Lyn playing with his cock inside me, the new guy was speechless, looking on as my ass took it all, then all too soon Al also grunted and blasted my inside with his cum, sending me into another orgasm. Lyn and Al pulled out slowly, as they did Lyn licked my ass and ate the cum running from me, then gave me a nice cum kiss.
We returned to the main group, the girls still going strong, but the guys cocks wilting a bit now, I turned Sue over and slid my cock in her ass and fisted her pussy, this got her orgasms going, as Lyn helped by playing with her tits, the guy who had fucked my ass, was slowly getting his cock into Lyn's ass, while she sucked Al back to size, it wasn't long before she had them both in her ass and going hard.
I saw Rick move behind me and soon his cock was sliding in my ass, Sue smiled seeing her man fuck me while I was in her ass too, I moved between them, feeling the depths of her ass one way, and him feeling my depths the other way, I realised then, this was the first time I had been like this with a married couple on each end.
My balls now swollen with cum could hold back no longer, with one deep thrust my cock erupted inside Sue's ass, feeling my body contracting, set Rick off, his cock filling my ass with his load, in one quick instance two people had cum with me as their sex toy, I swung around for Sue to fist my ass and play with her husband's cum inside me, she gave me several orgasm before I fell on top of her while we recouped.
Most of the guys were sitting around now, limp cocks everywhere, the girls playing with each other licking and rubbing the cum of one another gave the guys a good show, but to no avail their cocks were dead, but Lyn had another idea, she looked at them all and asked if any one needed to take a leak, a few said they would need to, so Lyn took them a short way onto the grass area, and lay down, telling the guys to empty their bladders over her, none moved until I walked up and pissed over her face and boobs, then a few others started to follow suit, Lyn was soaked, as Sue and Gretchen looked on in surprise.
I told them it was another one of our kinks, Gretchen said each to their own, but Sue surprised us all, sitting next to Lyn kissing her as other guys took their turn peeing over them both, even Rick took a turn, aiming for Sue & Lyn's boobs, Lyn took some in her mouth then kissed Sue sharing his piss.
Al walked over to join in, I bent over and told him to fill my ass with his piss, as he did I turned and sprayed the girls with it, he finished his bladder load over them, by now all the guys who wanted to had finished and were getting dressed, the girls told them we had decided to stay another day, so they were welcome back, cheers all round as they kissed and cuddled the girls good night. it was my night with Gretchen again, felt so good her cuddling into me, too tired to play before sleep took over. |
Title: 4 The Van rough and ready
Tags: Fiction, Cum Swallowing, Male / Females, Mind Control, Prostitution, Slavery
Introduction:
This is purely a work of fantasy, and all events described take place only in the imagination. Any attempt to re-create any of these scenarios in real life will result in felony charges when discovered by the authorities. Non-consonantal ANYTHING is morally wrong, but fortunately, it's not against the law to dream yet.
Content:
Just then, Rebecca and Sarah came back downstairs. Sarah was freshly showered, with her hair still damp, but it was short, so it would dry quickly. She was dressed in nice jeans and a button down blouse with long sleeves.
“You look perfect, Sarah.” Brian said. “Just like you're ready for school.”
Sarah got a look on her face, maybe a little guilty. 'I haven't been to school all year, sir. Not since the third week.”
“Did Brad make you quit?” he asked. “Do you want to go back? Maybe to a different school?”
“I really could?” she whispered, then looked at him in fear, because she'd asked a question, and that's what had gotten her into this whole mess to start with.
“You really could.” he said, ignoring the flash he got at her impertinence. “What I want for you is a normal life.”
“I don't know what a normal life is anymore.” she said, not even weepy about it. “I know for a fact that I can never go back to boring vanilla sex, no matter what you tell me.” she laughed. “It's the one good thing that ever came out of meeting Master Brad.”
“How about college? Is there anything you want to do that would need college?” he asked. He gestured at the bag of money. “That's not enough, but I have the van, and there's girls in two houses earning punishments. I'm letting you go free and you can be whatever you want. Your sister, too, once we go get her. All the others.
“I think you misunderstand, sir.” she said, extremely carefully. “The girls in the houses aren't being punished.” She licked her lips. “It's us that get kicked out of the houses that are being punished, sir. I had to earn $50000 before I could go back. I only got 37 something before you came and got me. I wouldn't mind going back to our house, but... I certainly don't want to go back to school, sir.”
“So the best thing I could do for you is to drive you home and allow you to visit with your sister? Are you sure there's nothing else? Within the limits, of course.” he said, getting a better picture of the two houses in question.
There were armed men nearby, protecting interests in a huge cash cow that belonged to a man who was no longer around to control it.
He was only sixfteen year old kid, with no experience giving orders to grown men. Brad was in his late seventies, but still hard as a rock. Brad could feel the rage lurking just under the surface, waiting to make him stronger. If he would let it.
He was going to need to let some anger out if he ever wanted to be able to near the neighborhood where the two houses were. He was going to have to hurt one of these girls, and he dreaded in his heart what it was going to do to him. Let alone what it would do to her. The more he hurt her, the stronger he would get, too.
He knew that Brad had left the operation running under it's own steam, and it would continue to operate for some time to come, but without the profits being collected, the inmates would very soon be running the asylum. In order to be strong enough to even show his face driving that van, he was afraid of what it was going to take.
“I know what you need, sir.” she said quietly. “It's the only way I know how to re-pay you for everything you've done for me already.”
“What do I need, you fucking slut?” he snarled at her. “You gonna tell me what I need?”
“No sir.” she said. “I would never presume to tell you to rip all these nice clothes off me and fuck me silly. No sir! I wouldn't tell you to squeeze my neck until I'm half unconscious and spasming on your cock as you come inside me, either.”
“That's good, because I'm going to do it to Rebecca instead!” he laughed, then grabbed the diminutive brunette and tore her blouse open, scattering buttons everywhere. Rebecca had a very scared look in her eyes that turned to terror as Brian grabbed her bra and tore the two halves apart between the cups, even though it fastened in the back.
“Oh, please...” she cried out, as she was forcibly turned around by the shoulders.
“Shut up, slut.” he snarled, then tore her best skirt apart at the seam in the back, then throwing the rag to the floor. Her panties were next, brutally pulled apart at the hip on her right side and allowed to fall on her skirt.
“Get those legs open, bitch.” he said, kicking her ankles apart. She could feel him rubbing his hard cock against her naked pussy, then with one hard shove, he buried it inside her, his hands firmly around her belly.
“Don't you scream again.” he said in her ear, after her initial wail. “Even when it feels so good, you will NOT scream. Do you understand me?”
“Yes sir.” she said, even though she didn't understand how this could ever possibly feel good. And then he pulled it back slowly, pushed it back in steadily, and she understood perfectly how this could feel good. She remembered how good she felt at the hands of her own mother just a short time ago, and this was even better.
“You like getting fucked, don't you, you little slut?” he said. “Mindy, look how much of a slut your best friend is.” he said, fucking with long strokes that every one of his inches.
“Tell her, Rebecca. Tell her how good you feel right now.” he said. “Tell her how much you like this.”
“It's true.” Rebecca gasped. “This feels awesome, Mindy! I love getting fucked! I love getting fucked by your brother's big cock!”
“Don't fuck her any faster, sir.” Sarah said, suddenly. “I don't think she could take it.”
“You don't think so, huh?” he snarled, increasing his pace tenfold. He was driving it into the poor girl mercilessly, and she wordlessly rolled her eyes into the back of her head, flopping about as he pummeled her.
“Don't choke her, Master! Please!” Sarah cried out, so Brian moved his hands up to the girl's neck and shut her air off with his powerful fingers.
Rebecca began twitching uncontrollably as Brian began coming inside her, filling her up with more seed than he'd ever produced in his life. It flowed down the inside of her legs in small streams and lumps before he was done, and when he let go, Rebecca fell lifelessly to the floor.
Sarah was on her knees instantly, pulling Rebecca's hands all the way up over her head and rolling her onto her back. She felt for a pulse at the neck, then bent over and blew a full breath into the prostrate girls mouth. She had to do it twice more before Rebecca jerked and began breathing on her own, coughing harshly and eventually sitting up.
Mindy came over and looked viciously at Sarah. “What the fuck was that?” she demanded, putting her hands on her hips.
“I asked him to do it to me.” Sarah said, pleadingly. “I'm sorry, but look at him. He really needed to do that. It's the only thing that can help him now.”
Mindy turned and looked at her brother a moment, then did a double take. Her anger at Sarah suddenly evaporated.
Gone was the baby faced little brother she'd last seen last night; this was a man, with the look in his eye of a hardened killer. Even his abs had gained a six pack definition. His cock was bigger, too. He had a mean look in his eye, the look of a man with a temper barely restrained. She could see the anger boiling in him just under the surface like magma.
She didn't know how to appease that anger; she just knew better than to awaken it. She could taste fear in her mouth for the first time in her life, and she didn't like it. And it was Sarah's fault for awakening this beast in her brother. She wanted her sweet brother back. And in trade for this, she almost lost her dearest friend.
“You know who really deserves this, Master? That little bitch's mother, the one you sent out to the van. She fucked up, and she could use a lesson like this.” Sara said quietly.
Brian took two steps across the room and pushed Sarah into a reclining chair, glaring at her, then he strode out the door and slammed it hard behind him.
“What the FUCK are you doing?” Mindy asked Sarah, furious.
“He needs to be stronger, if he's going to drive that van.” Sarah explained. “A LOT stronger.”
“That doesn't explain ANY of this.” Mindy said. “You better start telling me what's going on, or I swear I'll choke you to death myself.”
“It's the van.” Sarah shivered. “And Brad, who painted it. I think he put some of his power into it or something when he painted it. Some of his rage and anger.”
“What's he angry at?” Mindy asked.
“I can only guess he's angry at his mother.” Sarah shrugged. “Can you think of another reason to hate women the way he does?”
“Brian doesn't hate women.” Mindy said. “He absolutely cherishes me and Mom both.”
“I hope that's true.” Sarah shivered. “Brad sure hated us.”
“Can I have some water?” Rebecca asked, in a hoarse whisper.
“Do you have any ginger ale? That helps better.” Sarah said, getting up and going into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and found cans of root beer instead.
“Too fizzy.” she said, closing the door and turning on the sink to let the water run cold. She found the glasses on the second try and filled one up for the girl in the living room.
Rebecca accepted the water gratefully and drank a few tentative swallows.
“Why does the van need my brother to be stronger?” Mindy asked Sarah. Demanded, really.
“The van turns us into sluts.” Sarah told the girl, who was not much younger then herself. “It makes us horny, and takes away our willpower. Surely you've noticed?”
“I've noticed.” Mindy said dryly.
“Well, just like the van needs a driver, submissive little sluts like us need to be driven, too. Brian won't be able to order us around properly unless he mans up a lot. The van is helping him do it.”
“With anger?” Mindy asked, her eyebrows arching.
Sarah shrugged. “That was Brad's. I hope Brian can turn it into something else. Something... kinder. A good Master doesn't have to be cruel, even though it's well within his rights to be.”
“Brian is a good man.” said his sister confidently. “I know it in my heart.”
“I believe you.” Sarah said. “Everything he has said to me so far has been kind. He wanted to see me in these clothes... and I didn't even wear clothes this nice before I met Brad.” she smiled. “I was a slut even before, when I think about it. I was a virgin, sure, but I'd already given two blowjobs to boys in my class when they asked me out.”
“That doesn't make you a slut.” Mindy said, dubiously.
“No, the blowjobs didn't, but the way I felt during the blowjobs? Yeah, I was already a slut, trust me.” Sarah laughed.
“I'm one, too.” said Rebecca softly, her voice still rough and scratchy. She was going to have to wear scarves and turtle neck sweaters for a while. Her neck was already beginning to bruise badly. “I'm a slut too.” She burst into tears at the thought of it.
“Daddy is going to be soo mad at me!” she said. “That's the worst part of it. If it wasn't for that... I could really like the good feelings. I want them all the time, even though...”
“I know what you mean.” Sarah said, sympathetically. “I hate being a slave to my pussy, but... actually, I don't hate it!” All three girls shared a laugh over that, and the tension in the room was suddenly gone.
Brian came back in the room, several inches taller and about twenty pounds heavier. His loose T-shirt had turned into an almost too tight muscle shirt, and his boxers threatened to tear and spill his cock out into plain sight.
“Brian?” Mindy gaped, not believing her eyes.
“Don't ask any questions!” Sarah hissed urgently. “It'll only make him mad!”
“I've come to an understanding with the van, Sarah.” Brian told her. “I don't need to be angry anymore, and you don't need to follow any of the rules that Brad taught you. You need to learn my rules now.”
“What are your rules?” she asked meekly, almost afraid to know.
“I haven't needed any yet, so I don't have any yet.” Brian told them. 'Look, Brad was a complete asshole, I get that, but I'm not him, nor do I need to be him. I just need to be as strong willed as him, and I have it inside me already. I just needed to see it for myself, and the only way for that to happen was anger.”
“I'm sorry I hurt you, Rebecca. I promise I'll never do anything like that to you again.” he said. “If I could undo what I just did, I would. Tell me how to make it up to you, and I'll try.”
“Fuck me like that again sometime.” she said. “Without the choking, though.”
“That's how I like to be fucked, too.” Sarah said. “Even with the choking. Brad got me so hooked on it, I can't go back to boring old missionary. It does nothing for me anymore.”
“Let's see if we can't change that.” he said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “How old are you, Sarah?”
“I'll be nineteen next week.” she told him. “I first met Brad almost three years ago, when I was just past my sixteenth birthday.”
“How did you meet him?” Mindy asked.
“I saw him parked across the street when I was downtown.” she said. “The picture on his van almost hypnotized me, so I went across and knocked on his window. Before I could say anything, he rolled it down and said that questions from pretty girls like me cost one kiss each.”
“What was your question?” Mindy asked, breathless.
“I asked him if I could have a ride in his van.” Sarah said wryly.
“He told me to get in, then after I was in, he told me that rides in his van cost a blowjob. I didn't care; I wanted to do it. I'd done it twice already, and I liked doing it. I still like doing it. I didn't realize how much trouble I was in until he told me to take off my clothes first. I'd never been naked in front of someone before, but none of my embarrassment made any difference to the van. I'm a little fuckslut, and fucksluts do as their told in that van.”
“Yes, that was one of the rules the van has for me that is non negotiable.” Brian chuckled. “The other is that I'm not to take a life with value if I want to keep access to this power.”
“That's good to know.” Rebecca said, rubbing her throat. “Why did it make you almost kill me, then? Don't I have any value?”
“It didn't kill you.” Brian said, looking at Sarah. “It just needed me to get angry enough to hurt someone, so that I would recognize my own strength and power. I needed me to be able to see that I was stronger than my temper, and I was. Out in the van, I started to treat your mother very badly, but then I came to my senses, and questioned my actions. I took control of myself, and in so doing, I learned much about myself. Things that Brad could see in me, but that I might never have seen for myself without his help.”
“Why did you do it to me? Sarah was the one who provoked you.” Rebecca said, a little reprovingly.
“I know what Brad's punishment entailed.” he said softly. “I knew what Sarah has already been through, and I'm not going to cause her a bit more pain.”
“I need some pain, sometimes.” Sarah countered. “Just because you're not Brad, does that mean I'll never get to orgasm again? Because if that's the case, I'd rather go back to taking fifty dollar bills through that hole in the wall at the truck stop.”
“What did you say?” Rebecca whispered. “What exactly were you doing at that truck stop? What was Brad's punishment?”
“Behind the men's room at the truck stop.” said Sarah. “There's a hole in the wall, and men can stick their cocks through, with a fifty dollar bill, and they get their cock sucked.” she explained. “If they put a hundred through, you put your ass against the wall and let him fuck you.”
“And you had to stay there until you made fifty thousand dollars?” Mindy gasped. “You made thirty seven thousand already! How long have you been there?”
“Almost a year.” she said sadly. “It wasn't all from the hole in the wall, though. That was just my day job. I could make a couple hundred a night, sleeping in the doghouse with the truckers. Most of those guys are really sweet, and very lonely. All they really want is a blowjob and someone to cuddle with. Mostly.”
“That's awful!” Rebecca said. “I'm so sorry you had to go through that.”
“Hey, it's really not so bad, having all the cock I can suck all day.” Sarah retorted. “If I can't get off anymore because Brian is too much of a pussy to fuck me right, I'll go back right now!”
Brian took one step toward her and punched her right between the breasts, hard. She got the wind knocked out of her and sat on the floor, stunned. While she was still opening and closing her mouth, lungs shut off for a moment, Brian was unbuttoning the jeans and pulling them off as he turned her over onto her belly. He yanked her panties down to her knees, then lifted her ass up into the air, making her stay on her knees with her face on the floor. She was still struggling to breathe as he sank his fully erect nine inches right into her, grunting as he pumped in and out of her.
“What's that?” he said, still fucking her hard. 'Did you say something about wanting to come?”
He rolled her onto her side, then pulled one of her legs up and held her thigh to his belly, fucking her with powerful strokes. This new position finally allowed air to get back into her lungs, and as the oxygen hit her, so did her orgasm.
She pulled in the sweet, sweet air, no need to exhale at all, feeling the waves of pleasure building up and up as she came back into her body. She could feel every inch of his hard cock moving inside her, stirring depths of passion she didn't know existed.
This fuck seemed to have more of the strengthening effect on him that his strangle fuck with Rebecca had. He pulled nearly a foot of cock out of the twitching girl, and he was already ready to cum again, even though Sarah's pussy was oozing copious amounts of it into the carpet.
He had also started out this morning a five foot two inches. Now he was six foot two inches, with wide shoulders and long legs. He looked like a Greek statue, all muscles and buff. “I'm going to need some clothes to drive home in.” he muttered under his breath, but Rebecca looked up at him.
“My dad is that size, Brian. You could fit into some of his clothes, I bet.” Rebecca volunteered. “All he ever wears is business suits, though.”
“I guess that will have to do.” Brian smiled. “Lead the way, milady.”
Upstairs, he found a huge closet in the master bedroom, with at least 30 suits hanging in plastic on her father's third. The other two thirds of the walk in was devoted to Mrs. Bailey's clothes and shoes.
Brian picked out a nice charcoal gray suit, found that the man's size twelve shoes were a perfect fit, and laid everything out on the bed. He went in to take a shower, then came out and began getting dressed. Rebecca looked at him strangely.
“What?” he asked her, pulling the pants on without underwear. “Never heard of going commando?”
“No, not that.' she said. She indicated her nakedness, laying wantonly on her parents bed. “I thought, when you brought me up here... and then I figured, after his shower. But now you're getting dressed to go. Don't you want me? I'll let you choke me again, too, if you want.” She licked her lips. “I might want a little of that. Just not as much this time.”
“I have two houses full of girls to rescue, a very lucrative prostitution ring to gain control of, and two pistols in the van to do it with. I highly suspect that it's going to take both of the pistols, too.” he told her. 'I'm leaving you here with your mother for now, and taking Sarah home to her sister. Then I intend to deal with whatever happens after that, which could be any number of a million possibilities I've thought of, but what actually happens probably won't going to be anything I've planned for, so I'm just winging it. Give me a break, please. I promise, I'll fuck you as much as you want when I get back.” he told her.
“This suit needs a tie.” he muttered under his breath. “Do you know where your dad keeps his ties?”
“Behind the door.” she pointed. Brian looked through the rack and picked out a nice light blue silk It had never been worn, and Brian had to take the tag off it. $1400?? It was just a frigging tie, for God's sake. And the man had never worn it!?
Brian didn't know how to tie it, so Rebecca did it for him.
“I do this for Daddy sometimes.” she explained. “Sometimes, after his shower, he let's me watch him shave and get dressed in the mornings before he goes to work.” She saw Brian's look and giggled. “He's in his underwear, silly! It's not sexual at all! We just talk and stuff, honest.”
“I'm glad of it.” he said, kissing her on the tip of her nose. “It got this tie on for me.”
She pushed him away, friendly. “Go rescue those girls.” she said, smiling. “If they're all as pretty as Sarah, I can't wait to meet them!”
Brian collected Sarah downstairs, where Mindy had helped her recover and clean up. She had the jeans back on, and the blouse was now tied together just under her perky breasts. Her eyes lit up when he told her he was taking her home now.
“Wait here until I get back, Mindy.” he told his sister. “I know, I know, you want to see the houses where the girls live, but not today. I have to go make sure it's safe, first.” |
Title: ( 4 ) we hold another orgy
Tags: True Story, Anal, Ass to mouth, Ass to pussy, Bestiality, Bi-sexual, Fisting, Group Sex, Toys, Water Sports/Pissing
Introduction:
Joy loves cock and cum
Content:
Last Saturday night we had a great orgy at Steve's place, with lots of guys and 3 dogs, so we called Steve to see if he was free one nigt for some more fun, and to bring his dog along too, we made sure a lot of our guys were invited too.
So when the guys started to arrive, Joy made sure they were kept busy, her pussy and ass ready for them to use, it also didn't take me long to get a cock rammed up my ass either, and work on my first anal cum for the night.
Steve turned up soon after, and his dog sniffeed around, Joy got ready and knelt up, his tongue going to work on her clit, licking her from top to bottom, then his cock appeared, and he got restless wanting to mount her,
Steve held him as Joy parted her butt cheeks, his cock aimed straight at her brown eye began to enter, a low moan told us he was giving her a good orgasm right away.
As his cock dissapeared further in, she began to buck around, the knot hitting her ass, as his speed built up more, ever inch of his cock, now going right in as she held his knot out a bit longer.
Then with a good sniff of the amyl she let him knot with her, several more inchs of cock and knot gave her a beautifull orgasm, as he buried his member fully home. Her ass lips held his knot tight, his cock showed signs of filling her body with his juices, as Joy let out a loud and long orgasmic moan.
Soon he had finnished, like all dogs his knot held him firm in her ass, Joy was still wanting more, wriggling around on his cock to get the last orgasm from him, I got the dog to turn back to back with her, this causes more pressure on the knot and gives me some great anal orgasm, it did the same for her, as she cried out in bliss once more.
We waited some 10 minutes, then his knot plopped out, I moved over, my fist ready, no sooner had she let him go, then my full fist went right up her ass, not wanting her to relax, I pounded her anus hard, my hand working up further as I gave her more and more orgasms, while I was doing this guys used my ass to empty thier balls.
I left my fist in her ass, and pulled her towards me, making her sit on me, half my arm now inside her, and she was still going well, I told her to take more amyl, with some gentle movements pushed more fist into her. I was further in than ever before, just a inch left and my elbow would go in too, Joy looked at my arm, her eyes popped as she saw my hand fully in her ass, then more amyl and she tried harder still, with one good push and a huge orgasm my elbow went in, she jumped but I went with her, causing another good orgasm.
I let her get used to my fist then worked it more, turning my hand inside her ass, she went wild, guys now face fucked her and cum in or over her face, I eased my arm out, another orgasm made her shake and collapse on the floor. My arm was covered in dog cum, so I made her lick it clean, before fucking her abused ass, the I took sat on her fist working it in my ass as far as I could, my cock above her face, now it was time to empty my balls, she took my cock, as I shot my hot sperm deep in her mouth.
Joy was leaking cum from all her holes as more guys used her, and filled her with fresh cum, my ass also had 3 or 4 loads shot into it, when I got Joy to fist me, sitting over her arm, her fist went deep straight away, as her body was fucked by more guys.
I rode her arm, wanting to beat her efforts with me, the amyl took a beating as my ass worked more and more arm inside me, I could take her to the elbow now on a good day, so with a inch or so left one good push got me there. Joy also worked my anus, her fingers making me cum hard, she had found the way into the next chamber now.
I worked her arm, then with another good sniff I told her to ram it hard, she did, her fingers going though where my 18 inch dildo goes, and her elbow was in, then with a gentle move from her, another couple of inches lso went in, now I was past my record and going wild. Joy was still laying down her arm up, my ass wrapped tight around her, as guys kept her busy. then the feeling got to intense and I had to back off, my head spinning with lust.
As I fell on the floor, my ass was ripped open by a cock, and fist, one of the guys fisted me and fucked me to a huge orgasm, soon rewarding my ass with his cum. Then it was my turn, I knelt up and told Steve to get his dog, he had no trouble fucking my open hole, even his knot went in easy as he fucked me fast and hard.
It wasn't long, his cum although hot, seemed to cool my ass this time, and he turned once more back to back, my orgasm going strong. I knew what I was going to do, when he fell out, I took his cum to Joy, sitting over her face I opened my ass and let her have it all, gallons of dog cum streamed out, flooding her face and boobs, then I sat on her mouth for her to suck the remaining cum from me, turned and kissed her licking up fresh cum as I did.
Well it was time to relive our bladders now, taking the guys into the shower Joy and I got ready as piss began to stream over our faces and body, some filling our holes as before with hot piss too, then a nice cool shower and ready for round two. Joy once more took the dog in her ass, before I fisted her again, then we got a line of guys to fist her pussy and ass keeping her high, wilst others face fucked her, it got that way she could take a fist in each and wanted more.
So I got our 18 inch huge dildo out and rammed that right up her ass, then stuck the other 18 inch dildo in her pussy, she went wild. After awhile
slide my cock in her ass instead and fucked her hard, then I let other guys do the same, her orgasms running wild as the 18 inch dildo was pushed hard into her pussy every time they thrust forward. She took several loads of cum before pulling the dildo out and doubleing it up into her ass and then asked a guy to fuck her pussy, she looked so hot working them.
Joy then took to me with the strap on, using both dildos in me and plunging them fully into my well used hole, each time my orgasm let the guys know she had found my g spot.
It was late when the last of the guys with any cum fucked us and cum again, Steve took his dogs home and said he would arrnage another group fuck at his place soon too, I finnished by filling Joy's ass with my piss, and she peed over my face, before showering ready for bed. |
Title: 4 wonerful days with my aunt
Tags: True Story, Ass to pussy, Blowjob, Extreme, Romance, Young
Introduction:
This is my first story so I hope you liked it. Please comment if you liked the story.. And when A lot of you liked it I’ll make more!
Content:
It was a hot Friday afternoon I went to my room and turned on the aircon. I was slightly sleepy when my phone rang. It was my super hot aunt. So I quickly answered my phone. “Dominick, are you busy?” she said in a crying voice.” Nope,just sitting here watching some TV. What’s wrong?” I said. “My boyfriend just broke up with me this morning.” She said crying a little bit louder this time. “well what can I do for you?.” I said in a comforting way. “Can you spend time with me on the phone? So that I can tell you what happened? Is that okay with you?” she said. “Uh, y-ye that’s okay..” I said. “We were fighting the other day and it didn’t end well, because I caught my boyfriend having sex with my best friend and it fucking hurt me! Then I told him that I saw what happened then he just said that he was giving her a massage because she wasn’t feeling too good. Then I almost forgave him on what he did but then I remembered that he put his dick inside my best friend’s pussy and not to mention he cum inside her… then this morning he just texted my that he wants to break up because he was going to New York to have job. But I didn’t believed him one bit.” she said crying out loudly on the phone. “what a jerk… Hey, my dad will go there to pick up my uncle next week because they are going to his farm to chill out.. Would you mind me coming there and comforting you?” I said hopefully.” Yes!” she screamed..
The next week I called my aunt if he still need comforting. “yes, will you still come here?”. She said curiously. “of course I will! There’s nothing that I won’t do for you! :)).” Then my father called me. “Hey! Iceman let’s hit the road! Hang up there you and Anne will meet soon! So come on! ” He said (I like my drinks with lots of ice and I eat a lot of Ice cream that’s why he called me Iceman). “hey uh Imma hang up now cause we’re leaving” I said excitedly. “okay see you soon, sweetie”. She said happily. Then I realized that she had never called me nicknames except for the “Iceman”. “eh, at least now she called me a nickname that I kinda like between Anne and me”. I said ignoring the nickname she just called me.
5 hours of driving finally we are 5 minutes away from seeing my super hot aunt. “Ice, your uncle and I are gonna chill up his farm for a couple of days because we are gonna fix some things there. And since your with company with Anne its okay? Right?” he said. “uh… ya that would be great dad, but how long we gonna stay there? Not that I don’t like going to Anne’s place, it’s just to make sure how long…”. I said curiously. “about 4 days at least”. He said. “okay!” I said happily knowing that my dad would leave his laptop to me and I can search porno whenever my aunt’s asleep.. Finally we got there and to my surprise my uncle was over at the garden having a cigarette ready to go. “hey Matt! Let’s go fix you farm” shouted dad from the car. “Hey! Hold on.. Anne!! Iceman’s here! Keep him company okay?” My uncle said.. “Yes Matt!!” she said excitingly. “hey will you go back here tonight? Or not?” she asked. “no, were gonna stay at the farm for 4 days.. Well see ya Ice see ya Anne… Best get moving before dark.. Take care lads!”
She was wearing a white top that says I’m juicy. And wearing super short shorts. I quickly noticed her big round boobs and to be honest it wasn’t fake at all. She had the most spankable ass I have ever seen. As they leave we went inside her house and I realized I forgot to get the laptop from my dad. “Oh!!! FUUUCK!!!!” I said angrily. “why what’s wrong sweetie?” she said to me. “I fucking forgot to get the laptop from my dad.” I said. “It’s okay hon you can borrow mine if you want.” She said. “oh.. I better cause may be you got some important things to do.” I said. But in my mind I said holy shit! thanks Anne! I can fuck you thanks for that. “So... before you use my laptop I suggest that we eat first cause I’m pretty much starving!” she said. “umm okay… Can we order pizza?” I asked politely. “ye, sure I love eating pizza” she said happily. After a few minutes the pizza man came and we paid him.. then After we eat “Imma go watch TV in my room” I said excitedly.
“okay” she said. Then when I got to my room I jumped on the bed and turned on the TV… I was watching star movies and when I looked up there was a crack in the ceiling and knowing this was my uncle’s room I checked it out.. Then to my surprise I saw a whole lot of pornos! I was so excited and at the same time shocked. Then I tried to watched 1 of those porn I slid 1 cd out then I watched the whole movie for about 1-2 hours I think?? Then I was masturbating all a sudden I heard Anne’s footsteps getting closer to my uncle Matt’s room where I was to sleep for four days. I quickly put my rock hard penis in my plain black jogging pants and quickly paused the porn and headed back to Disney channel then Anne knock at my uncle Matt’s room as expected then she said “ Don’t forget take a shower before going to sleep”. “okay” I said loudly. Then I went to the shower to finish my masturbating my normal penis is about 5 inch and when it’s fully erected I think about 6 and a half inch. I come a across my aunt before going to the bathroom she was wearing a white tank top and super short shorts she wasn’t wearing any bra so I got a view of her really huge tits she was 5 foot 1 and I was 5 foot 4 so I was able to look down and saw her beautiful boobs. I had a towel around my waist before going to the bathroom so quickly my penis erected when I saw her boobs and I certainly hope she saw my erected penis. Then when I was in the bathroom jerking off my aunt not knowing she walked in my uncle’s Matt’s room where I will be staying and changed the TV to video mode I didn’t her because the shower was too damn loud and pretty cold… She resume the porn video in my uncle’s room and she turned the volume down to surprise me. As I was walking near to Matt’s room she heard me and completely turn the volume up to its maximum volume. When I heard that I ran to Matt’s room in a hurry like I was being chased by 5 dogs. Then when I finally reached the room. “So you found Matt’s hiding place, eh? And this is what you’ve been doing since you got in this room and now I know why you went to the bathroom so quickly and not to mention you caught a glimpse of my boobs right when you were about to go there and yes.. I saw your erected penis while you were going to the bathroom” She said angrily “h-h-how d-d-did you k-know t-that?” I asked in a scared-ish voice. “I’ve been watching you Dominick.” “All day long. So uh did you like it?” she said “Hell ye it was the best boobs I have ever seen in my life!” “hmmm.. really?” she said “ yes how come you want to make sure that I’d like it? I mean what’s not to like on your boobs? It’s so perfectly shape!” I said excitedly “ Dominick, you want to see them first hand?” “YES!!!” I said super excitedly “Well if you really want them..” She began taking off there white tank top and saw her boobs! Even better staring at it closely and not had a glimpse of it. She then leaned on to me and kissed me it was like heaven she had warm very soft lips very turning on to me. And I kissed her passionately, our tongues entertained with each others tastes her tongue meeting my tongue
and our salvias in each others mouths it was so good. We kissed passionately for about 10-20 minutes and I began touching her breasts and it felt like I had a very cute big round toy and I would just squeeze the living hell out of it! Then I touched her rock hard nipple she moan as we were kissing and then I reached down to unbutton here very short shorts and taking away her white panties along the short shorts and tossing them aside then I touched her very soft lips and she leaned back and remove the towel and we were instantly naked. “Oh my god!!! Your cock is super big! Even bigger than my boyfriend’s cock!” she exclaimed “really?” I said
“yeah” I mean my boyfriend’s cock is like I dunno umm 3-4 inch” she said sadly. “yea well here you go this big dick is all for you.” Then se sucked my dick I felt so fucking good and then she deep throated my dick for about 5 seconds then quickly let my dick to get some air she did this for about 5 to 6 times “oh god, Anne your so good at sucking my dick.. I am about to cum!” I said eagerly. She then stopped then said “oops.. better not spill that cum in my mouth I want it inside my pussy” She giggled. And I said “your gonna get pregnant if I cum in your pussy” I said “I don’t care sweetie just do it. Enough talking out that big dick in my pussy” it was an order. “yes ma’am!” I said. Then I placed my dick in her pussy then she said “don’t go slower faster! Fuck me hard! Fuck me like there’s no tomorrow fuck me like you mean it! Fuck me till I cum! And fuck me like I have never been fucked before!” That’s all I needed to hear then I thrust my 6 and a half inch dick to my aunt’s wanting pussy and she screamed LOUDLY “ah fuck!!! Fuck fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!! I’m Cumming Dominick! I’m Cumming! She said strongly “I’m can’t hold much longer!!! Imma cum!!! Ughhhhhhhhh!!!” She Cummed on my dick I felt and heard her 19 year old pussy as I thrust my 6 and a half dick very hard inside my aunt’s pussy. She screamed like hell! Then I told her “I-I-I’m gonna cum!” I said. “Don’t get it out! Cum inside me baby!” she said strongly. “okay!” I shouted. Then I kissed her again then I knew I couldn’t hold it any further and blew my load into her pussy as I was Cumming inside her I thrust my big dick further inside and she screamed! Then I saw my hot cum leaking out of her pussy and I turn us around that way she was on top of me and said “wow Dominick that was the most exciting orgasms I’ve ever experienced my whole life!” she said strongly then she collapsed on top of me still my dick inside of her and we fell asleep
The next morning she was still on top of her and I woke her up with fucking her again.. We ate some left over pizzas we closed all the doors and windows so that we can walk naked around the house the 4 days I was with her felt like heaven we didn’t need clothes because we were naked all the time… the we had sex again this time on the kitchen table she Cummed twice there I blew of my hot Cum inside her for the second time and it was awesome the after we had sex at the kitchen table we kissed passionately in the couch for about what seems to be 30 minutes we like kissing each other then after the we took a bath then had sex there as always she screamed hurt my ear for about a second there and then she said “ wow Dominick your really good at having sex with me” she said strongly I just gave her a smile and fuck her harder then she Cummed for about 3-5 times I think… She was so tired and we slept at the floor of my uncle’s room and she was on top I have my dick inside her for 24 hours..
The 4 days was really sex lots and lots of sex Cumming screaming orgasms then we had finally had sex everywhere at the fourth night we had sex at her bedroom and she guided my dick to her ass this time she said “this is the last night were gonna have sex baby I want you to fuck me very hard! Harder than you fucked me yesterday and the days before that Cum in my ass and my pussy don’t take me slow baby do it fast and hardcore style” And so I did fuck her in the ass and cummed inside her ass for the very first time and fucked her in the pussy SO HARD that I blew of my load like I have never before then we fall asleep just like the other times we’ve fallen asleep her on top I’m at the bottom and my dick inserted in her pussy… I fucked her so very hardcore that the next day she had a hoarse voice she wasn’t able to speak clearly then we had 1 final sex before my dad picks me up.. as always she screamed but not loudly because of her sore throat and I’ve fucked her in the attic these time. Their attic was nice and clean and had a bed but we didn’t use it because I fucked her on the stairs of the attic. Then as always again I Cummed in her ass and wet juicy pussy but then As I was to unleash my third load before leaving the house she said “cum on my face” then I gladly did Cummed on her face she was hotter when she had Cum on her face and I tasted her pussy for the first time because she wanted my dick in her pussy and kissing me all the time and she didn’t made me eat her pussy. Then I did we were doing “69” her favourite position. Then this time I can’t believe she Cummed 6 times!!! She was to damn tired that I had to carry her to her bedroom and dressed her up so that my uncle and dad wouldn’t be suspicious of what’s happened over the past 4 days.. Then I woke her saying “hey, hon dad’s here I’m gonna leave no sweetie next time I go here I’ll fuck you twice as hard” I said thoughtfully. She gave one last! Wet kiss and pulled down my pants to give my dick one last kiss to and one last 10 second deep throat. Then my father said “Iceman! Hurry up! I’ve got a lot of work to do!” “Ye dad! Coming!!” I said out loud. Then I gave my aunt a follow up wet and spit kiss then she said “we really are dirty.. now get out here before I fuck you I’m getting kinda horny just think of you.. I’ll masturbate for you babe.” She said pleasantly. Then I got out then went home… |
Title: 4 Years Forward
Tags: Fiction, Consensual Sex, First Time, Male / Female Teens, Romance, School, Teen Male/Teen Female, Virginity
Introduction:
sorry for the repost it had some really bad layout issues
Content:
My phone started ringing
" hello ? "
" hey, Tim where are you " Kathie asked
" I'm on my way home I just got off of work, why ? "
" theirs some girl at the front door asking for you "
" who is she ? "
" I dunno she just said she was an old friend "
" I'll be home in a few minutes let her into the house "
" okay "
It had been a long hard day at the shop, I'm covered in grease and dirt and on top of that I had to shell out 125 bucks to replace the alternator, and battery on my car. It was a pretty unexpected expense but I had a decent amount of money saved up so it was chump change.
Any way I'm Tim I'm 6,3 and 210lbs 19 and white with black hair and brown eyes I graduated high school a few months ago with my beautiful girlfriend Jenna, fortunately for her she got accepted to a big state school 3 states away unfortunately I decided to end it the day before she left. She didn't want to go so I made her, It very much left me in a depressed rut for the past few weeks.
I pulled onto my street and there was a tan Camry in my drive way. I pulled up to the curb shut the car off and walked inside.
I saw Kathie, Lindsey, and Sabrina, my 3 sisters talking to a brown haired girl sitting away from me.
" hey " I said
The brown haired girl turned her head towards me and I instantly knew that face I'd of recognized that face if I was blind.
I was instantly filled with a flood of emotions I had seemingly lost when my ex Jenn and I separated due to a once in a life time offer of a higher education.
" Tess ? "
Tess short for Tessa was the girl I lost my virginity too in our freshmen year of high school, her senior boyfriend used her as a trophy because she really was one. Her Cuban-Italian decent she was absolutely gorgeous 5 foot flat, and 105 pounds then, and probably 5,4 and 120 now. Anyway she had a very shapely but soft face with brown hair and eyes, and she had a smile that broke many hearts.
We had the same math class and that's how her and I met and which eventually led to us fucking.
We were talking in our math class but mostly her about how her relationship wasn't going to last much longer, I listened and responded just comforting her eventually the class ended and I left behind her, she went one way and I went the other.
I made a left out of the building took a few steps and felt my hand get grabbed from behind and get pulled on, I turned around and it was Tessa she jumped up cause I was a few inches taller (5,4 then) I caught her and she kissed and thanked me for listening.
Over the next 2 weeks we became sort of a couple, when ever we bumped into each other and she wasn't with anyone she would pull me to some secluded corner of the school and we would make out, but I knew she was still with him but as they say shit happens. When we were in class we got more emotionally invested into each others lives and realized we were very alike which sucked because again she was still with him.
Fast forward a few weeks were in the middle of the first set of retakes for the seniors state required tests.
I'm deathly sick I can't hear, I can't breathe, my face hurts, and I'm coughing up more phlegm than a Jewish person, I'm just sick as a dog I'm sitting there. .The teacher is trying to get me to do something but I'm barely coherent and she's just nagging me, so I'm just like let me call my mom so she can pick me up and go home.
the teachers pissed off but she wouldn't just let me go to the office, some reason or another even in the 9th grade you had to have a hall way escort and of course the teacher calls Tessa to be my escort, we walk right out of the room down the tiny hallway she stops in front of me and turns around.
At this point I don’t even care that that goddess of a girl is peering at me with a smile, I’m sick and I just wanna hibernate.
I tell her I just wanna go, I step one way she blocks me I step to the other she blocks me again. I'm not up to play this game so I just grabbed her ass unconsciously. I picked her up and moved her aside and walked out of the door.
Its a wet cold mid November day its about 30 degrees at 11:30 in the morning she's wearing a Grey thermal, with a black shirt over that, and a black jacket with the fur around the collar she also had a Grey beanie on and was wearing thermal leggings with a tight pair of jeans over them and winter boots she looked amazing to say the least.
But she's not happy with me and its apparent as she starts walking ahead of me, I start replaying it in my head and I knew I fucked up
" Tessa, stop "
" can I just walk you up there and go back " she said
" I'm sorry I'm so sick "
" I just wanted someone to care about me " she said with hurt in her voice
" I do Tessa, but I'm sick as a dog, and I don’t know what we are you're still with him. " i said " I'm not trying to get the shit beat out of me by half of the varsity football team because I'm messing around with the star players girl " I got out between coughs and wheezes.
She stopped " I don’t know when Timmy, but I'm gonna leave him. He treats me nice but that's only skin deep. I think I think I'm falling in love with you "
That hit me like a brick " Tess " I said brushing a loch of hair from her face " I can't say I love you, I wish I could, I really do, but when I say it I mean it from my gut not my head. Please understand " I started coughing " I've never met someone who is so alike me and I've never met someone who I've cared for so much, but I cannot say its love "
" can you just come with me ? " she asked
" to where " I croaked
" do you trust me "
" yeah "
" just follow me then "
she grabbed my hand and led me out to the softball team locker house, which isn't nearly as bad as the football teams.
We walked inside with her behind me and she locked the dead bolt on the door, she grabbed my hand and led me to a back room that for what I guessed was the gymnastics team with padding on the floor.
We turned face to face all the sudden he leg wrapped behind mine and she pushed me back causing me to fall and get the wind knocked out of me upon landing.
She fell on top of me and gave me a kiss until I pushed her away for a desperate gasp of air.
" I love you " she said with the little girl voice staring into my eyes
I took another gasp of air " I love you too Tessa "
The stupid in me screamed idiot, the idiot in me screamed moron, and the moron in me screamed at me to take it back and do damage control, but I couldn't, nor would i and somewhere in my 15 year old self i knew it was true. we ended up having sex before I actually l went and called home.
I missed the rest of the week because turns out I had the flu.
i came back the next week things resumed as usual she hadn't dumped him and then she disappeared from the school a week later and now she's back..
" hey Timmy " she said innocently she was the only person I didn't mind calling me Timmy
" holy shit " I said in disbelief, She got up and walked to me " its been awhile " I said still unbelieving
" yeah " she smiled " you've gotten taller since we've last seen each other "
" yeah, 11 inches "
I watched as the 3 sisters of mine went up stairs
" do you have time to talk " she asked
" yeah "
The little goddess of a girl I remembered had only gotten hotter since she left years ago, she had gotten a few inches taller, she had completely developed, and she had legs as Valentine McGee from Tremors would put it " go all the way up " the floral top and a black dress that started at her waist and ended mid thigh accented them perfectly
" do you mind if I go wash up really quick " I asked
" no, go ahead, but can we go somewhere else to talk "
" yeah " I knew that she didn't want anybody else to eavesdrop
I sat her down by the bathroom as I took a quick shower and threw on a pair of gym shorts and a black tee and we were gone. I led her to my car she slid into the seat an I closed the door and walked around it and climbed in myself and started it
" I like this " she said with a grin
" yeah it gets me where I need to go "
Finally the awkwardness between us lifted as we were able to laugh but that led to another space of awkward silence
" I'm sorry " she said
" for what "
" for not giving you a solid answer on what we were 4 years ago "
" forget it, its in the past " I said
" I don’t want to forget it though "
" why ?, better yet what happened, you just disappeared one day ? "
" what happened ?, dad got a job offer a few hours north I knew I was leaving but I decided not to tell anyone not even you or him, it was easier but it has been eating me up ever since. Why ?, because there were 2 guys I cared about but you held a special place in my heart that he never did "
" I kind of understand, but you were very much my first, I never really thought I cared who would be my first but I did and it sorta sucked because I didn't know how to react to it and when I did you were gone "
" I'm sorry again, I was a confused teenager "
" haha, its fine "
" cool, how was the rest of high school for you by the way, I didn't mess anything up did I ? "
" no it was fine just about 2 months after you left I grew 11 inches to where I am now "
" yeah I wasn't expecting the short kid to grow almost a complete foot since the last time I saw him "
' well I mean I wasn't expecting to see you so developed... I-I mean you're even more beautiful than when you left " nervousness in my voice
" you never were good with words " Tess laughed
" at least I tried "
" hahaha yup "
It got quiet for a few moments
" how long are you in town for ? " I asked
" however long I wanna be I do have a little bit of money that should last me until I can get myself situated, I came back to really see if their was anything to comeback for "
" and so far ? "
" I'm not disappointed that's for sure " giving me a pleased smile
We kept cruising and talking until the sun had started to set and we had already been driving around for awhile
" hey do ya mind if we start heading back, I've been up since 3:30 this morning and I'm starting to get a little tired "
" yeah sure "
" do you mind coming back to the hotel with me, just to catch up some more "
" yeah sure " I said without taking a moment to think about it
" okay cool "
About 15 minutes later we were pulling up to my house
" I'll follow you ? "
" yeah okay " she answered, getting out of the car she pulled out and I followed her to the hotel we pulled In and parked
" can you help me with my bags "
" don’t you need to check in first ? " I asked
" uh no, I already did earlier but I never brought them up "
" okay yeah sure "
I grabbed 3 duffel bags and she grabbed a rolling suit case and a laptop bag and followed her into the hotel and took the elevator a few floors up and she was literally at the end of the hall.
It was a single room with a bathroom and a balcony.
I put the bags on the bed.
" you feel like eating in or out " I asked as my stomach growled
" I'm really tired, I don’t mind going to eat out but I'd rather not "
" you want some fast food, take out, or a pizza or something "
" is mamas little pizzeria still around "
" yup "
" do they still have those garlic knots "
" yup, you want that "
" yeah, do you think you can get me a salad the pizza and some garlic knots, I'll pay "
" yeah sure don’t worry about it I got it " I said
" you sure "
" absolutely, no problem "
" thanks "
" alright, you do what you have too and I'll be back with some food in a little bit " I told her as I started walking out
" OK " she said walking into the bath room
I closed the door behind me and ran down the hall and clicked my shoes together, two kids stepped out of a room and I was in mid stride and stopped as their parents exited, they looked at me like I was an idiot
" its a good day " I said walking past the family
I decided against taking the elevator and trotted down 4 floors worth of stairs and out to my car about 45 minutes later I was pulling into the dark parking lot with a salad, pizza, and garlic, knots.
I got out, grabbed the food, and locked my car, and made my way back to her room and knocked on the door "
" coming " I heard her yell
A few moments later the door opened with Tess wrapped in a towel
" sorry I was still in the shower "
" god you take a long shower " I said walking in behind her
" It relaxes my muscles "
" oh I believe you, working at the shop I'm sore all the time. A hot shower is the best thing in the world "
" right, oh you can put that on the bed I guess, why is there no table "
" cause hotels don’t expect you to eat in ever "
" hahaha, thanks for picking it up though I'm starving " she said walking into the bathroom
" oh yeah, again no problem "
" is it still as good as it was before i left " she said from the bathroom
" I think better is the word to describe it "
" how so ? "
" more cheese, less sauce, fresher non per-packaged toppings, and a little less sweeter sauce, so you get more of an all around taste "
" I dunno I never disliked their sauce though "
" me neither but sometimes they would put just a little too much and it over powered the taste of the toppings "
" yeah "
I pulled the pizza box out opened it and sat her salad and the garlic knots on the open top, I grabbed a piece and took a few bites.
She walked out of the bathroom in a T shirt and a pair of boy shorts.
" ooh smells so good "
" tastes as good as it looks " I chewed out
" don’t you know any manners "
" yup but I'm hungry "
" so... all rules disregarded "
" until I'm not hungry anymore, then I will resume being a proper gentleman once more "
" hahaha okay "
she grabbed her salad and took a fork full of greenie leaves it gave me the chills I hate salads
" what " she asked noticing my chills
" I hate salads "
" so it causes you to physically shake "
" you ever run your finger nails on a chalk board "
" don’t even describe it " she cringed " I understand, but why ? "
" dunno, its just a trigger "
" so you can't eat salads at all "
" I can eat fruit salad " I said with an optimistic tone
She busted out laughing, I played back what I said and how I said it and immediately busted out laughing
" I am not a fruit I promise " I said in between chuckles
" I know remember "
" yeah, good times "
She sweetly smiled at me, and returned to eating her salad. She turned on the television and started scrolling through the guide
" ooh due date comes on in a little bit "
" due date ? " I asked quizzically I'd never seen it before
" its so funny, you'll love it "
We sat there for a few more minutes and finished eating what we could and put the pizza box on the night stand I kicked off my shoes and slid them under the bed
" you mind if I use the bathroom " I asked
she looked at me as if I were an idiot
" yeah i do, guests pee off of the balcony, no Tim go to the bathroom "
" you know I would of done it too "
" if it wasn't for those meddling kids ? Haha "
" you got it "
I closed the door and let the main vein flow freely
" TIM COME ON ITS ABOUT TO START ! " she hollered
" TRY'N TO PEE ! "
" HURRY UP ! "
I finished up and washed my hands
" hurry, hurry, hurry, shut the light off " she said
" alright "
I plopped onto the bed right next to Tess as the movie was starting
" this is weird " she whispered
" why ? "
" because I feel like if this was 5 years ago we would be doing the same thing we are now, if I knew what I wanted then "
" yeah, except we would be pubescent teens at the movies with other couples and no privacy "
" that's true, that stuff was so annoying, I hated doing that going to watch a movie with people whom i didn't like and he loved doing it all the time " she said
" never did it " I admitted " I was asked to tag along but most of the time I was single, and being a 3rd or 5th wheel wasn't my style and it got real awkward real quick "
" yeah "
We focused on the movie once more, every few moments one of us would make a subtle move making us closer and closer. She had started to lean on my arm so I lifted it up and her body slid into place, I wrapped my arm around her waist and rested my hand on her stomach.
the feeling of her body touching mine to say the least a big weight off of my shoulders, I didn't even know their was a weight on my shoulders guess it was my body saying " hey she's it were comfortable ".
She snuggled her head onto my chest and wrapped her arm around my midsection. I guess I was even more tired than I thought cause I fell asleep a few short moments later.
I woke up do a muffled ringing of some-sort.
" Timmy what is that " I awoke to Tessa asking me
" I dunno " I said groggily " I'll go check "
I went to flick the bed side light on and nothing happened. I pulled the phone from my pocket and turned on the flash light app.
I found the door and twisted the handle as soon as the door opened to the loud ring of a fire alarm
" come on Tess we gotta go " I said
" okay " without hesitation
She found my hand in the darkness and followed behind me, I tiptoed down the corridor with her in tow. The speaker on the fire alarm kept buzzing and flashing it was pretty eerie.
we hit the stairs and descended them step by step. I saw a beam of light followed by a group fully suited firefighters
" c'mon there's a fire, you gotta get out of here " one said
" okay "
We followed one down the last flight of stairs and he pointed us to the exit, to which we went out there were a bunch of families standing around.
I walked up to a hotel employee
" hey where's the fire ? " I asked
" one of the air conditioners shorted out and caught fire on the roof "
" when are we gonna be able go back in ? "
" I have no clue have to wait for an electrician "
" damn, alright " I walked back over to Tess " its gonna be awhile " I told her
" okay " she yawned
We stood around for a little bit without any word
" fuck it let's go to my place "
" your parents will be okay with that ? "
" I'm 21, what are they gonna do your hotel's on fire and its " I looked down at my phone " 1:30 in the morning "
" bring me back in the morning ? " she asked
" of course "
" alright " she said in a yawn " I'm so tired "
We started walking too my car
" I'm sorry " I said pulling her closer
" its not your fault, thanks for giving me a place to sleep though I'm so tired "
" yeah "
I led her to my car and still being a perfect gentleman and opened her door. We were almost to my house.
" holy shit " I exclaimed
" what " Tess asked
" that's my mom " nodding towards the SUV that pulled out in front of us
" oh, is everything gonna be okay "
" yeah "
" okay then right " she grabbed my hand
" yeah "
She smiled at me as I followed my mom, mom pulled up into the drive way and I pulled up to the curb
" hey honey " mom said
" hey mom "
Tessa climbed out of the passenger side of the car and moms facial expression changed. we walked up the drive way to mom.
" mom this is Tessa, Tessa this is mom "
" hello " Tess said offering her hand
" hi " mom shook her hand " what's up " looking at me
" her hotel caught on fire and she needed a place to stay "
" alright "
I walked in front of both women and unlocked the door, I stepped to the side and they walked past me
" thanks Mrs Langston "
" no problem, Tessa is it ? "
" yeah "
" well I'm gonna go to sleep gotta pick up your dad in the morning "
" alright mom good night "
" night Mrs Langston "
" goodnight guys "
" so this is the house " I said
" I know, I was here earlier "
" oh yeah, by the way how did you know where I live "
" I remembered your name, and Google is a very friendly place " she once again yawned " where's your room ? "
" right this way "
I led her through the dining room then the kitchen to my room. I opened my door.
" your room is stairs " she said
" go up the stairs "
We climbed the steps up into my room
" quite the place " she said
" yeah its nice it actually was a storage room before we moved in "
" nice " She plopped onto my bed " sleep sounds awesome "
I dropped next to her on the bed
" I agree "
She turned away from me and shut off the light, I laid back after a few minutes I flopped one way, after a few more minutes I flopped the other. It went on for a few minutes as I couldn't fund a comfortable way to fall asleep.
" Timmy, something wrong "
" sorry, cant get comfortable "
She flipped over and wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled herself closer to me, our faces were inches apart.
" better ? " she asked
" absolutely "
In a the dim light I could see her smile, I brought my hand up and just barely caressed her cheek and looked into her eyes then kissed her, i immediately regretted it.
" sorry "
I was moving too fast too soon, It had been 5 years since seeing her before today. She seemed the same if not smarter, sweeter, and stronger mentally, but was I myself ready ? It had been just under a month since me and my latest ex broke up even though that was on even terms.
She looked into my eyes and we kissed again, everything I just worried about went away I just didn't care about it.
" were you expecting this today " she asked giving me another kiss
" no today was a I wanna go home, clean myself, feed myself, and go to sleep, kinda day "
She laughed sexily and we went back to kissing. We let our hands roam each others bodies it was nice to feel her familiar but more developed frame beneath my fingers, she ran her hands through my hair and over my torso tracing my mildly developed abs with her fingers
She pulled from our kiss " I never thought the pudgy boy who caught my heart so long ago would change so much but so little "
" still the same guy just not the same body "
Everything started to settle down we both knew that we wanted and that was to take it slow we were no longer hormonal teens that were always starved for sex even though that was still a very prominent thing in our adult lives.
She scooted closer to me and snuggled her head into my chest and shoulder she made sure to intertwine our legs before she got completely comfortable, we must of looked like a pretzel.
" night Timmy "
" night Tessa " I kissed her cheek
I could hear her breaths become deeper as she fell asleep, I soon followed suit.
I woke up to a set of beautiful brown eyes which came closer as she kissed me.
she pulled away but i pulled her back into a kiss as I wrapped her in my arms as it felt so good to do so, she tried to pull back a few more times before I reluctantly gave up.
She smiled at me " your in a good mood "
" its not everyday I get to wake up to a beautiful girl "
I pulled her to me and we started kissing some more it was defiantly puppy love shit but it was glorious puppy love shit. I rolled her onto her back as our lips were firmly pressed together, again she pulled back this time to catch her breath.
I looked over at my clock and it was 12:40.
" fuck " I jumped off of the bed and started getting dressed
" what's up ? "
" I had to be at work 10 minutes ago " I slid my grimy work shirt on " you know how to drive stick "
" yeah, why "
" cause I can't drop you off and I won't leave you here so you get to use my car today "
" alright "
I slid my work shoes on " let's go "
I jumped down every 2 steps till I hit the ground Tess was right behind me.
I opened my door and all 3 of my sisters were at the kitchen table on their own individual laptops, their heads turned towards me then behind me to Tessa, she was still in her T shirt and boy shorts. I half heatedly jogged through the kitchen and dining room to the front door.
I opened it for Tess as she walked through I did the same with the passenger door to my car, still gotta be a perfect gentleman.
I started the car put it in 1st and pulled away from the curb with a little tire chirp.
" sorry Tess "
" its okay, just means I get to pick you up innnnnnnnn ? "
" 5 hours " I replied
" okay, do you mind going apartment shopping with me after ? "
" ummmm " I was sort of confused
" its not for us Tim I'm not that crazy, I've decided to move back into town because it feels like home and that hotel is gonna eat through my money "
" oh okay, sorry I was a little presumptuous on the whole apartment thing, but yeah I don’t mind "
" awesome "
My car idled loudly at a stop light
" what is this by the way " tapping on the dash
" this is a 2005 Pontiac GTO with a mild cam, a full intake, headers, and a straight pipe exhaust this is my baby
" by all that mi guessing its fast "
" very " i replied " by the way the clutch is a little heavy
" that's fine "
I pulled up in front of the shop and got out she did the same I held the door open as she walked around
" I'll see you in a couple hours Timmy "
" alright Tessa " she got in the car and shut the door " hey " she whispered
" yeah " leaning towards the window
" I missed you " she smiled
" I missed you too "
I leaned into the window and we kissed for a few moments
" see you in a little bit " she said as she bit her bottom lip
" yeah " I smiled
She rolled the window up before she pulled out of the parking lot, I walked into the managers office
" sorry for being late Lee "
Lee was my boss a 25 year old who ran the shop I worked at
" its all good Tim " he paused " who's the girl ? " he inquired
" old friend " I said punching in
" Tim don’t lie to me man "
" man I would but I dunno what to call her yet "
" okay dude "
I walked out of the office and went to work, 5 hours and 5 Tranny's later I was hot, smelly, covered in grease, and ready to take a shower. I clocked out and walked out front of the business and sat down
" where's your car Tim ? " my coworker and friend Jose asked as he walked up
" I couldn't drop a girl off this morning so I let her take it till I got off of work "
" oh " he smiled
" here she comes now "
I heard my car rumbling towards the shop, she pulled up and the car was gleaming clean. Tessa got out. She was wearing a pair of blue jean shorts and a black cotton button up
" hey baby " she said walking towards me
" she's a keeper " Jose hollered as he pulled out of the parking lot
" hey " I picked her up and gave her one hell of a kiss
" do you like " she said looking back at the car then to me
" I love it, she's beautiful " I said giving her another peck " and you are too " she punched me in the arm then wrapped it around her
Truth is since high school let out I hadn't been really able to keep my car clean because of work but even then Tessa made the car look its best since I got it, she handed me the keys. I helped her into the car then my self, i re adjusted the seat and mirrors and noticed she had done the interior too.
" you're awesome " I stammered pulling out of the parking lot
" thanks " she was beaming
" alright let me go home and take a quick shower and we do what ever you have to "
" sounds like a plan "
" how was everything at the hotel " I asked
" good I guess some of the main wiring from one of the AC units shorted out and caught some brush from the tree on fire nothing big, how was work ? "
" dirty but good "
" I can see " she grabbed my hand
" why'd you do that "
" cause "
" my hand is dirty "
" I'll just wash it, no biggie "
" whatever hahaha "
I was 4 or 5 blocks from my street and tired of doing 30 or so miles an hour I shifted into second simultaneously put my foot to the floor the engine screamed from its low grumble.
" there's 50... 60.... 70..... and 80 "
I backed off the throttle and gently got onto the breaks then turned onto my street.
" well that was fun " Tess said with a grin, We got out and walked in
" Tim, stop racing down the street your gonna have the cops called on us " my sister Sabrina yelled from up stairs
" shut up Sabrina " I hollered back, I waked over to my room and went up stairs " do you mind hanging out here while I take my shower ? "
" no not at all, can I use the computer ? "
" yeah use the Facebook tab it the only version of the internet that doesn't crash ”
" too much porn ? " she asked with a devious smile
" no that's a 1500 dollar computer with the best virus protection money can get, but I can't figure out why internet explorer. and Firefox keeps crashing and I ain't got time to fix it "
" go take a shower " she laughed as the home screen booted up
I went down the stairs and into the bathroom right outside of my door, I peeled off my gross work short then my sweat stained under shirt I worked off the rest of my clothes and washed myself clean after I made sure every crevice was clear of grease before I pulled on my clothes, Again I was wearing a tee and gym shorts.
" ready to go " I asked dropping my dirty clothes in my hamper
" yeah "
" alright, you drive " throwing her the car keys which she caught " you know which ones you wanna go look at "
She smiled and walked ahead of me, we got into my car, she started it and stepped on it a little building the RPM's to a solid 3500 to give the car a nice loud hum, she let them drop and engaged the clutch for 1st and gently pulled off of the curb.
" the first one is in mid town, mind if I take the free way "
" not at all " I lived 5 minutes from the freeway and its actually a lot quicker than the regular roads " how do you like the car ? "
" I love it, its so fast I don’t notice it "
" yeah it does that hahaha " We were now on the on ramp " give her the beans " I suggested
She decisively shifted into 3rd and put about 3/4 throttle in it to about 70 miles an hour, then she put it into 4th and took it tho a buck ten then let it coast I saw her left leg sorta bouncing.
" Shaky leg syndrome " I asked
" huh, oh... yeah " she smiled
" you'll come to appreciate it, and who taught you stick ? "
" me " she replied " first car was a stick " and it looked so good I taught myself so I could have an awesome car
I busted out laughing " not a bad reason "
The car was quiet for a little while until I decided to ask another question
" this money you have ? Is it gonna be enough for you to really get a decent apartment ? Or what ? "
" is this your way to see how much money I really have ? " she asked
" no, I'm not ! its not !, fuck!... No its not I could care less personally I have just under 15k in the bank so I'm not really struggling "
She pulled off of the mid town exit " Timmy don’t get so flustered next time! . My parents were getting ready to move cross country for their retirement and I didn't want to go, so when they sold the house and gave me 30 grand and any furniture i wanted so I could get settled in somewhere "
" well... nice ! " I laughed
" don’t be so uptight Tim " she grabbed my hand at a stop light " remember who I am, no secrets this time "
The light turned green and she let my hand go and turned onto the street. A few minutes later and we were pulling up in front of a pretty amazing looking apartment complex. I followed Tessa into the front office and she explained how she had called earlier and explained the whole 9 to a receptionist who quickly had a manager talking to Tess.
The manager was a guy in his late 20s was one of those guys who was a little too sure of themselves and way too cocky for his own good.
I was sitting in a corner trying to read the new car and driver, but this guy just would just not stop hitting on Tessa and he was clearly oblivious to me.
" so are you new in town " he asked
" yes and no, I used to live here and moved away a few years ago and I am now moving back " she replied
" oh cool, well if you do decide to come stay here I'd be more than happy to help you with any thing "
She tried to be polite " I don’t think I will have I've got him " she nodded to me " babe " she called
I popped out of my chair placing the magazine down
" yeah "
" Duncan (the manager) this is my boyfriend Tim "
" hi " he said holding out his hand
" hey " I said shaking his hand
Tessa was looking at the options available " can we go look at the 2 bed room 2 bath one ? " she asked
" yeah, sure ! " Duncan replied
We were led to the top floor of a 2 story complex she held my hand the whole time. Duncan showed us the apartment and I could tell Tessa was falling in love with it.
" what do ya think ? " Duncan asked
" what do you think Tim ? "
" why are you asking me ? its your choice. " I said
Duncan's phone started going off " give me one second " he said walking into one of the rooms
" I want your opinion Timmy "
she was looking around so I took the chance too walk up behind her and wrap my hands around her waist and rest my head on top of hers
" do you like it ? " I asked
" I think so. " she smiled
" then I like it "
Duncan came back and we went back to the office where Tessa filled out the paper work and directly paid for the year long lease.
We walked out and she had a huge smile on her face.
The rest of the night went pretty well we went out to dinner my treat we went to her hotel and fell asleep.
We did something for the next 2 days until it was the weekend
I woke up alone in bed it was early the sun wasn't even up yet and got up and went to the bathroom I went and laid down again I heard the door open and close and keys hit the nightstand
" Tim wake up its moving day and I need a truck and then gotta get the rest of my stuff outta storage "
" I'm awake, wait why didn't I wonder why you weren't in bed or the bathroom "
" I dunno " she giggled " but seriously Tim I gotta find someone who rents trucks too 18 year old's "
" don’t worry I got it " I wiped my eyes
" how ? "
" my uncle owns a tree trimming business " I grabbed my phone and called uncle Steve
" good morning Tim "
" morning " I said blandly " uncle Steve "
" what's up man ? " he asked
" Can I borrow one of the Dually's and an enclosed goose neck I'll return it with a full tank "
" how long ? " he asked
" how long " I repeated to Tessa
" all weekend " she asked
" all weekend " I said
" yeah sure come pick it up "
" alright I'll be there in a wee bit "
" a wee bit, okay nephew " he laughed
I hung up " where is the stuff we gotta get "
" about 6 hours north "
" 6 hours ! " I exclaimed " damn that's Virginia "
" yeah let's get going "she said eagerly
" I gotta get clothes "
" just bought you some, black tees cargo shorts and gym shorts oh and undies too "
" you're way too okay with buying me underwear "
" shut up "
I slipped my shoes on and we were off
" morning Tessa " I'd forgotten to say it earlier
" morning Tim " she gave me a kiss on the cheek
We rode the elevator down and got into my car and like a zombie started driving. My uncle lived just out of the city so he could house his medium fleet of tree/lawn care trucks for his business on his own property.
" I need a shower " I yawned
She laughed " what "
" never mind " I groaned
About 20 minutes later I was driving down my uncles gravel driveway and parking my car we got out and my aunt and uncle greeted us
" Tim " they said in unison
I grabbed Tessa's hand and pulled her to my side " Uncle Steve, Aunt Karen hey guys " I said giving them each hugs
" who is this " aunt Karen immediately asked noticing Tess
" this is my girlfriend Tessa, Tess this is my Aunt Karen and Uncle Steve " I said introducing everyone " Where are the two brats " referring to my cousins
" their asleep "
" mind if I borrow them tomorrow ? "
" sure, why ? "
" same reason I'm borrowing the truck she just got an apartment down here and her parents left her a bunch of stuff in a storage facility 6 hours north when they moved "
" oh okay " aunt Karen said
" I got the truck and trailer setup 'round here " Uncle Steve said, we walked around the back of their house and mechanic shop " treat her nice she's new actually she's new and she's mine " 'she' was a 2014 Chevy Silverado 3500 HD quad cab " the 38 foot gooseneck is on there, the 32 snapped an axle yesterday " he said
" alright you take these " handing him the Keys to the GTO " and I'll take those " grabbing the truck keys " and I'll have her back by tomorrow night "
Me and Tessa climbed into the truck and I started adjusting the seat mirrors to my liking
" hope you have a good time " uncle Steve laughed
I started the truck and waived my uncle over
" you can put a supercharger on the GTO if you want " I laughed as I put the truck into drive.
I started around the shop and down the driveway and finally
I slowly pulled onto the 2 lane highway touching the grass on the farthest side to avoid hitting uncle Steve's mail box.
The truck slowly made its way to 45 miles an hour. Four turns and 20 minutes later I was finally entering the Freeway heading north. Following her phones GPS
3 quiet hours later (she fell asleep) my stomach and the gas tank needed some filling I exited the highway and pulled into the pilot gas station and into a diesel pump.
I swiped my debt card through entered my pin and started pumping
" hey baby " Tessa yawned,
she wasn't wearing anything to look at, but I always loved the hot girl wearing the sweat shirt pullover hoodie with short blue jean shorts look.
" have a good nap " I said pulling her in for a hug and giving her a kiss on the forehead
" yeah " she laid her head on my chest and closed her eyes " I'm hungry "
" me too, we'll get something in a minute " I rubbed her back gingerly
A few minutes later the tank was full and we climbed into the cab of the truck and pulled from the filler.
Tessa pulled the arm rest up and scooted next to me, I stopped at the exit of the gas station.
" burgers or taco's ? " I asked
" taco's "
I pulled out to the right making sure not to hit the curb about an 8th of mile down was the taco bell but I had to go a quarter mile down to make a U-turn because I couldn't pull into the parking lot. I pulled off of the road and Tessa took my order and got out.
A few minutes later she returned with 3 bags of food and a full drink holder.
I put it in drive and pulled onto the road.
It was about 2 in the afternoon when we pulled up she fed me the gate code I punched it in and we pulled through luckily there were 2 gates cause there was no way to turn around.
Tessa opened 2 storage lockers one full of furniture and one full of appliances and electronics
" as we pull stuff out what you don’t want put under free on Craig's list first come first serve " I said
" okay "
I opened the cavernous trailer and we went to work she had a a dark colored L shaped couch that came in 2 pieces we slid one in sideways and the second half was flipped on top of it we slid 2 arm chairs matching the couch and put them in, we pulled out a massive oak desk and she was adamant to keep so we put that heavy ass thing in.
We had cleared most of the furniture out she's took her old king size bed a few dressers a table and a couple other things which took up 2 thirds of the trailer its not that they were bulky just we were not packing I just wanted to fill the trailer to be pretty balanced.
We hit the second less filled locker and pulled out the 5 42 inch TV's they left, we also took all the small appliances we posted one locker with all the stuff from both in it under free and meet the white truck with the trailer out front for the key and code.
Within a. Few minutes a truck pulled up and the owner got out also Tess did too she handed the owner the key and a piece of paper with the number lock for the gate and the locker number and we headed back out I pulled back onto the high way I looked at the clock in the truck
" holy shit. Its already 6 ? "
" yeah why ? " she asked
" just thought we plowed through that "
" considering it was only you and me we did ! "
" that's true but its only a 6 hour drive and it took us damn near 8 but we had to stop and we are in a big ass truck "
" solving your own problems " she laughed
" I guess " I smiled " we have any more taco hell left ? "
" no "
" well fuck, I can last a little while longer I suppose "
About an hour into the trip home the sun had begun to set " let's get food and a hotel " Tessa blurted
" you sure you've got at least 10,000 dollars worth of stuff back there "
" it'll be fine, I dunno about you but I'm tired, sticky, sweaty, smelly, and hungry, I want a meal, a shower, and my guy in a bed holding me in his arms ! "
" I think that a reasonable demand "
" then make it happen stop, chop " she clapped her hands together
On the next exit I pulled off I wasn't expecting the immediate curve right and was hard on the breaks and made it just fine but it solidified I needed rest desperately.
I pulled up to a hotel I liked and Tessa went in and got us a room I pulled around the back off the hotel to the most empty part of the lot I shut the truck off Tessa grabbed our bags of clothes and we got out I locked the truck up and made sure the trailer was as secure as possible.
I followed Tessa as she led me to a room and opened it I followed behind her and shut the door she flipped a light on and I went to plop on a bed.
" no, no. " Tessa said " don’t think about it "
" why not ? "
She shushed me and grabbed my hand " come on "
she led me to the other bed and sat me down. She climbed on top of me and we started kissing, she ran her tongue along my bottom lip and our mouths opened simultaneously our tongues clashed is if they were fighting but we knew it was just making things hotter.
She pulled her hoodie off and we continued our "mouth battle".
Our breathing was heavy and our bodies sweaty, she had one arm wrapped around my torso with her hand grabbing my head head and the other one around my back I had been running my hands along her back the fabric of her shirt was soft and cool to the touch.
I placed my hands on her hips and started sliding her back n forth along the length of my ever hardening dick., she quickly look over from the grinding that I had been doing with my hands to a light bouncing she lifted up high enough for my dick to escape being under her to in front of her in my gym shorts.
I picked her up smashing my dick between our bodies, I dropped her onto her back on the bed I dug my fingers under the hem of her shirt and pulled it up over her head, still denied she was wearing a bra.
I grabbed her shorts making sure to loop a finger in her underwear and with her help pulled them down too a glorious sight she was bare skinned but I had yet to get a full view as she had crossed her legs.
I grabbed one with each hand and slowly inched them apart the sight before me was pure perfection her pussy was hot and swollen the lips were plump and juicy and her clit barely protruded from its hiding place.
I kissed up the inside of one of her legs, up her hip, along her flat stomach under one of still bra covered boobs, along her collar bone, to her neck back to her beautiful lips.
With one of her feet she pulled my gym shorts and briefs off letting my ’7 inch long and 3 inch around Cock rub along her stomach.
She looked down wide eyed " where did that come from " she smiled " I don’t remember it being that HUGE ! " she whispered
" when I grew up, I. GREW UP ! " I stated
She grabbed the base with one cool hand I pulled my head back and groaned in Ecstasy and firmly pulled towards the head then stopped right before and with her other hand she did the same, I pushed my head down and started to french kiss her.
She kept repeating the motion grabbing the base firmly and pulling up stopping before she hit my head and releasing and started with the opposite and did it all again
I pulled form our kiss " what are you doing " I said breathlessly
" look " she motioned with her head
I looked down and to my surprise I had grown another inch in length and a half inch in girth
" what did you do "
" its magic " she smiled
I ran my hand down her stomach and she immediately stopped me at her hips
" no, no !, nothings going down there before that " as she squeezed my dick
" really, you don’t want no warming up or any thing "
" you were the last out and your gonna be the first in, in 5 years. "
" but it might hurt ALOT "
" that's the beauty of it Tim, I lost my virginity way too soon to the wrong person. I can't get that back, but I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't have sex again until I met the right guy after you, turns out you are the right guy so if it does hurt even a little its like your taking what should have been yours in the first place "
She pulled herself to me and kissed me with what I can only say was meaning, reason, and desire.
" I love you " I blurted unlike last time I didn't regret it
" is that your head speaking " she asked
" no, my gut "
" I love you too Timmy " she smiled with a sense of fulfillment
The sexual tension in the room had eased but my raging stuffy didn't " are you still " I didn't even get to finish
" yes " she lifted her head so our lips could meet once more
With one hand she pulled my hips down and with the other she guided my dick into position
" are you ready ? " I asked
" are you ready ? " she mocked " of course I am baby "
I slowly pushed the head in it didn't want to go I kept adding pressure her hole finally lost the battle as i lost my footing and all 8 inches plowed in, she wailed in pain
I went to pull out " I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I slipped " I had begun to pull out
She wrapped her legs around my thighs and pushed me back in " stay Tim " she grunted
I did as she asked but I tried to make her as comfortable as possible. I began to suck on the nape of her neck flicking my tongue back and forth.
She slowly let me slide out almost completely and then pulled me in equally as hard as the first time and she let out another yelp of pain this time it was mixed with a little pleasure.
I decided that it was time for me to tell her all my feelings for her I whispered into her ear " your beautiful, smart, witty, and funny and you are everything I want, and everything I need, I love you Tessa please never leave me again "
" Timmm " she moan'd
I felt her shudder and take a short gasp and then clench, her already tight pussy was squeezing me, milking me but I hadn't had more than two strokes she finally let her breath out and took and other sharp breath as I pulled out and pushed back in she let out another moan but longer and and primal then again another shudder followed by a sharp breath,
I didn't stop, I couldn't, I wanted to cum so badly I was rock hard and in the tightest pussy I'd ever been in.
I pulled out and back in she hadn't finished second orgasm when she rolled into her third.
I did it again and her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she arched her back.
" breathe baby " I said
She let out a long exhale her back fell to the bed and took a few jagged inhales. I began picking up the pace and Tessa was going nuts grasping at the sheets on the bed with fervor she finally dug her nails into my back, I was close and her gasps of air and grunts and squeals of pleasure were just adding to the fire in my loins.
" Tim - Tim - Tim " she moaned " stop please " I ground my hips to a stop " I can't breathe she gasped "
" I'm sorry Tess "
I plowed into her and went as fast and hard as I could for a good half minute she was gasping for air after another 15 seconds and she had begun to pass out
" stay with me baby " I lightly slapped her face
She rolled her eyes to look at me barely holding onto conciseness our eyes locked and I erupted into her tight cunt and she hit her 5th orgasm.
I must of shot at least a half dozen good strong ropes of cum into her petite body followed by weaker and weaker shots of cum by the time I had completely finished I had at least 15 real spurts of cum.
I collapsed to the side of a still gasping Tessa who was still taking huge gulps of air. I pulled her face to the side I grabbed the back of her head and pulled her in for a kiss it was just a short kiss.
She pulled away and just smiled I now understood what the term “she's glowing” means because she looked so fulfilled and satisfied.
“ I love you “ she smiled
“ love you too babe “ after a little time of recoup I had enough energy to get up “ c'mon Tess “
“ I cant feel my legs “ she joked
I unhooked her bra and pulled it off before I scooped her naked body up and walked to the shower I placed her on her feet on the ground but Tessa never let go of my neck while I warmed the shower up. I lifted her into the shower and she was finally able to to support her own weight but that was
about it, the whole time she stood in one place as I rubbed her down with a bar of soap and rinsed her off. i quickly did myself but by this time Tessa had regained muscle function in her legs and wobbled out of the tub and dried herself off, I followed her. She laid out on a bed, and I laid next to her.
“ you want pizza “ I asked sweetly
“ no I want to be in your arms “ she said snuggling up to me
“ we can do both “ I said kissing her cheek
we just quieted down for a little bit I petted her wet hair as she laid quietly she looked so peaceful, and serene
“ order pizza Timmy “
“ you want anything specific baby “
“ just extra cheese on top of whatever you want “
“ Okay “ I grabbed my phone and it wouldn’t turn on “ ill be back in a sec I gotta go get a charger “
she just let out a groan I reached in a bag and pulled a pair of gym shorts and pulled them on, I grabbed the keys and walked out to the truck. I pushed the unlock button and pulled open the passenger door I grabbed her charger from the floor and locked the truck and made my way back to the room. I plugged the phone in and went back and laid next to Tessa as my phone booted up she opened her beautiful brown eyes she shifted her head and we kissed, they were 3 or 4 second pecks before we pulled away and looked into each others eyes for a second or two before we went in for another kiss. We spent a few more minutes doing this before I reluctantly pulled away. I picked up the phone did a quick search found the nearest place and called.
“ hello this is Hungry Howie's “ the guy answered “ would you like to hear today’s special ? ”
“ no thanks man “ I said
“ alrighty, then can I take your order ? “
“ yeah, can I have a large pizza with, peperoni, sausage, bacon, ground beef, mushrooms, and have it smothered in as much cheese as you dare “
“ yeah sure anything else ? “
“ cheesy bread ! 3 boxes of it and also a 2 liter of Pepsi and that ill be it “
“ card or cash ? “
“ card “
I gave him my card number and he gave me a time frame and we hung up. I climbed into bed next to Tessa
“ it will be here in a little bit baby “
“ okay “ she whispered. I placed my hand on her hip and her eyes opened “ I'm sorry baby I'm just a little sore “
“ I just wanted to snuggle ” I said innocently
“ sure “ she said sarcastically with a wicked smile
I grabbed her hands with mine and we stared at each other for a little bit I know she had faded off to sleep and I was nodding off when 3 sharp knocks came from the door jolting Tessa from her slumber and me from my half asleep state. I walked to the door and opened it a guy a few years younger than me was standing at the door with a few pizza boxes in his hands.
“ Tim ? “ he asked
“ yup “
he handed me the boxes which I placed on the untouched second bed in the room I stood back up and his eyes jolted to me. In my half way awake state I completely forgot that Tessa was was laying on the opposite bed naked, but she was faced the opposite way
“ uh-umm sign here ” he directed nervously
I signed the slip hastily and shoved the pen and receipt into his chest and slammed the door. I walked over to Tessa's limp body
“ baby “ said
“ yeah ? “
“ I have good news and I have bad news, which do you want first ? “
“ good “
“ foods here “ I said cheerfully
” and the bad ? “
“ the pizza guy might of seen you naked “
“ lucky guy “ she smiled
I sighed in relief. She sat up in all her glory and immediately gripped her pussy and ran into the bathroom. I followed suit thinking I may have hurt her she was sitting on the toilet.
“ is everything okay ? “ I asked
“ yeah “ she laughed “ you just gave me a lot and it started coming out “ she laughed
“ oh okay “
she wiped herself clean we walked out and sat on the bed and started eating. we were soon filled to the brim with pizza. I had turned the TV on and me and Tess both in the nude now had snuggled under the blanket, she had one leg over mine and I had my other over hers I also had one arm on her hip and we were holding hands. I nuzzled my face into the back of her neck and fell asleep.
I woke up around 3 in the morning Tessa was still sound asleep and the TV was on mute and the light from if filled the room. I slipped from beneath the covers and grabbed my phone before hitting the bathroom to drop a major deuce.
I sat on the toilet and pulled up my Facebook app I had a message I clicked on the tab and it was from my Ex Jenna. I clicked on the message dreading what might be said
“ Tim, the 8 months we spent together was amazing, you're an amazing guy and you gave me an experience ill never forget. I really wish we could of worked things out but I understand that you couldn’t leave and wouldn’t let me stay. please understand that that was the most noble, and selfless thing any body has ever done for me, you are truly my knight in shining Armour and I will never be able to forget you. I love you Tim, Jenna “
it was a dear John letter, we never really had that moment where we got to say good bye she showed up to my work in tears. Even though she was feeling shitty right then I knew I had to make her go I yelled at her even-though my heart pleaded with me not to I told her were done and I don’t wanna see her again and she had reason to stay now, she went to say something and I just told her to leave and went back to doing my job a week after she left I texted her saying I did it for her own good and she would of never forgiven herself for staying, she never replied till now.
“ Jenna, I love you too. I know I was an ass hole to end things so poorly I didn’t want too but I had too I hope all goes well for you. Sorry again “
I sent the message and finished up I walked out plugged my phone into its charger and shut the TV of before climbing back into bed with Tessa and falling asleep.
I woke up a couple hours later it was just getting light out, Tess began to stir she rolled over and we locked tired eyes
she yawned “ hey “ groaning
“ morning “
“ how long have you been up ? “
“ just woke up “
“ oh “
she dug her head into my shoulder and was trying to go back to sleep
“ no, no baby you have to stay awake we gotta get going “
“ really ? “
“ yeah c'mon “
I walked over and pulled the bag of boxer briefs tore it open and slid a pair on on got dressed in the new clothes Tess had bought me. She rose from the bed in all of her glory and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her flawless body, she didn’t notice me ogling her body as she casually strolled to the bathroom and shut the door. A couple minutes later the door opened and she walked out she grabbed a bag and pulled out a black pair of panties ripped the price tag off and pulled them up. She grabbed my bag and pulled the shirt I had been wearing the night before on.
“ I'm ready “
“ alright then lets go get some food and get going “
she nodded her head and grabbed our phones and her pocket book I grabbed the two other bags we had and our dirty clothes and left.
She was already in the truck when I climbed in and started it I drove towards the highway and stopped at a McDonald’s and grabbed breakfast and hit the road. |
Title: 4 Year Crush
Tags: Fiction, School, Teen Male/Teen Female
Introduction:
This take place on a very lucky day
Content:
It was another day at West Coast High and I was sitting in biology class half listening to what Miss Pollster was saying and staring at my huge crush Stephanie. She was 5’6, light brown hair, honey colored eyes, perfect sized tits with small nipples that would show when she was outside in the cold and a big firm round ass. She was looking especially sexy-looking today wearing a very small shirt and a skirt that left just enough to the imagination. I’m 6’2 and a starting point guard on the varsity basketball team. My muscles are well defined and girls think I’m cute but somehow just don’t have what it takes to be hot. Stephanie had some guys after her but she wasn’t the sluty type. If you wanted to fuck her you had to work at it. Most guys preferred an easy slut, but not me. I had dreamed about her since I was a freshman. Now as a senior I felt my chances were no better than the first time I saw her. I think she didn’t even know I existed. Suddenly I noticed Miss Pollster was saying my name and was brought back to reality. I acted like nothing had happened when half the class laughed behind their hands. ¬¬¬¬¬I politely asked Miss Pollster to repeat the question and noticed the topic of the lesson for the first time. Human anatomy, focusing on the human reproductive organs. After answering the question correctly the class continued normally except for one thing. When I answered the question right Stephanie looked around straight into my eyes for the first time since I can remember. I gave her a weak smile that she returned enthusiastically. My heart soared. She then shifted a little in her seat and turned her attention to the teacher. Miss Pollster decided to show us a very graphic video of every single step in reproduction starting from the couple having sex (obviously it was not porn) to the moment of birth. When I looked over at Stephanie I couldn’t believe my eyes. Her nipples were poking through her bra and shirt. That had to mean she was horny because the classroom was not cold. She suddenly turned to look at me and I hastily tried to become interested in the video but I knew she had noticed. I looked back at her and she gave me a sheepish grin that told me she didn’t mind me looking at all, in fact maybe she even liked it. Class was finally over and as we were all walking out Stephanie unexpectedly whispered in my ear to meet her outside of the gym after classes. I did as I was told wondering what could possibly be in store for me. I found her down at the entrance of the gym by herself which was very strange because she didn’t go anywhere without her little group of friends.
“So why where you staring at me today in class?”
“Umm… well…” I decided to take the chance I’d been waiting for since freshman year. ”Look Stephanie, I’ve had a crush on you since the first day I saw you. I think you’re beautiful but was never brave enough to talk to you and tell you.” My heart was beating so hard I swear she would be able to hear it.
“Really? Wow I never knew you liked me. That’s funny ‘cause I always thought you were really hot but didn’t think you were interested in me.”
Were my ears deceiving me? All this time she thought I was actually hot! I just stared at her in awe until she finally told me to follow her. She led me into the school storeroom where all the athletic equipment was kept. There was a couch in one of the corners. Out of the blue Stephanie hugged me and kissed me. I didn’t know how to react so I just stood rooted to the spot.
“What’s wrong? Are you nervous?”
With a hoarse voice I answered no.
“Then just play along with me.”
“Okay”.
Having hardly any experience with girls I started kissing her lightly and not knowing really where to put my hands. But then I let my instincts take over as I felt my cock jerk in my pants. I started kissing her neck and feeling her curvy body. I felt like never before I couldn’t believe my luck, i was finally going to fuck Stephanie. I could feel her nipples becoming hard under her bra and shirt.
“Oooh” she moaned.
I continued kissing her and touching her tits then she grabbed my hand and led me to the couch, I sat down as she slowly sat on my lap facing me. Then she started to unbutton my red shirt. When she successfully took my shirt off she started to lick my body. I was feeling so horny! I took her blouse off and I saw a sexy black bra that covered her beautiful tits. I unhooked her bra and gently I began to kiss her tits. They were so beautiful with pink nipples. I always loved pink pussies and nipples so it was like a dream. I bit her nipples as she screamed:
“Aahh keep going!” I continued for about 4 minutes kissing and fondling her tits.
“I wanna suck your cock” She said with a kinky smile.
I smiled back at her and laid back on the couch as she took my pants and underwear off.
“Wow you have a big cock” She gasped, staring at my 9 inch piece.
She grabbed my cock with a shaking hand and led it to her lips. Her tonge touched my dick head. She seemed to enjoy sucking me off. After a moment she was swirling her tongue all around the head of my cock, licking up and down my shaft, sucking on my balls, until she finally locked her lips around the head of my cock and began lowering her mouth onto it, taking my whole cock into her mouth before sliding back up and doing it again. I felt my cock touch her throat. I could tell she was enjoying it very much. She stopped sucking my cock and said:
“Time to lick my pussy”
She laid back on the couch as I started to unbutton her skirt. I threw them on the floor and noticed that she wasn’t wearing any panties. I thought “better for me” as I beheld her wet pink pussy. I felt my erection become more and more pronounced.
She grabbed my head and pressed it against her pussy. Then she moaned, I then tasted her pussy for the first time. It tasted so good. She let go of my head and I felt her slit on my tongue and tasted her delicious juices. Then I started finger-fucking her. She moaned so hard I feared someone would hear us.
“Keep going, keep going” She repeated.
I stopped and let my finger slide over her pussy lips and her perfectly round ass. I kissed her and she took my cock leading it to her pussy. I slowly pressed my cock aginst her pussy. My cock was entering her hole as she moaned:
“Oohh it feels so fucking good.”
Then I slid my entire cock into her in one steady push stretching her young pussy to its maximum. She gasped and said:
“Oh my god your cock is so huge.”
I couldn’t believe how tight and hot her pussy was. I continued fucking her slowly gathering speed as she screamed and moaned even harder.
I started to fuck her as fast as I could and felt my orgasm approach. I didn’t want to cum inside her.
“I’m going to cum” As I started to pull out.
“Don’t worry, I’m on the pill” she said.
I felt very happy that I could cum insider her as I drove my cock into her pussy and continued to fuck her. I saw her gorgeous face blush. As I pounded my cock into her I felt my hot cum rising through my dick.
“Oh… Stephanie I’m going to cum.”
“Me too… keep going… ooooohh shit!”
“OOOHHH FUCK!”
I felt my cock explode just as her pussy walls squeezed. Jet after jet of hot sticky cum filled her pussy. I lay there with Stephanie, my 4 year crush, on top of me, sweating and panting. When I pulled out I gave her a passionate kiss that made her body shiver.
“I definitely want you to fuck me again” she said as she pressed my face into her tits.
“Whenever you want” I replied grinning.
We both got up and dressed. I walked Stephanie home and told her I’d see her the next day. |
Title: 5- My High School Sweetheart’s Little Sister- pt. 5 (The Office)
Tags: Fiction, Anal, Male/Teen Female, Young
Introduction:
This is the fifth chapter of this story from my late teens, where my girlfriend’s little sister made it through puberty only to lose her innocence due to my uncontrollable lust for her. In this chapter, Cindy sneaks down to my office to play more games and experiment.
Content:
NOTE: This chapter includes anal-play and analingus, which isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. This is a fairly long read, so if this offends please skip this chapter
---Part 5: ■ THE OFFICE (Chloe comes home) ■ ---
Chloe said she would be back home on the 5th. We had been in pretty close contact while she was out of state, but this would be the first time I had seen her in about six-months.
It was almost three-weeks since I had played ‘Truth or Dare’ with Cindy, and I hadn't seen or spoken with her since then because I was scared of calling her house, and I was feeling pretty guilty about taking advantage of her innocence. However, this didn't stop me from fantasizing about her constantly... I was actually looking more forward to seeing Cindy than her older sister.
I was working when her plane was to arrive, so I ran up to her house as soon as I got off work. It looked like no one was home, but Cindy answered the door when I knocked. She flashed a big smile and stepped in for a hug- I stepped back a little and asked "Where is everybody?"
"They went out to pick up Chloe at the airport. They should be back soon." she replied, looking a bit disappointed.
"So, no one else is here?" I asked, stepping inside.
"Nope, just you and me and the dog." she said, looking at me strangely... trying to size me up.
I closed the door behind me, and stepped forward and grabbed her in my arms. Cindy hugged me tightly and looked up to me, with those beautiful innocent eyes, "You haven't called... I missed you."
"I have been kinda scared to call. I think your dad is suspicious of... I think he might know... something. But don't think you haven't been on my mind... like constantly". I was still hugging her, and thinking back on that night triggered an erection. My hands fell to her little butt, and I pulled her closer so she could feel my dick growing. She smiled and reached up to my shoulders, and stepping on her tiptoes she opened her mouth for a kiss.
We heard the garage door opening. They were home. We broke apart immediately, and jumped to separate corners of the entry. Cindy looked down at the bulge in my pants. "You might want to hide that thing", she said with a nervous laugh.
I ran into the bathroom before they came in from the garage. I could hear them in the hallway, laughing and celebrating Chloe's arrival. "Is Jeff here? I saw his car outside", I could hear Chloe say.
"Yeah, he's in the bathroom,” Cindy said, "It's so nice to have you home! I've missed you!"
I flushed the toilet and washed my hands, just for cover. When I came out, Chloe gave me a big hug and a kiss, but she let go faster than I expected. I hadn't seen her in six-months and she hugged me like I we had just seen each other earlier that day. Her mom gave me a hug too, and her dad gave me an enthusiastic handshake, but his grip was tighter and the smile on his face was more stern than usual.
I snuck a glance at Cindy, and she noticed it too. She turned and looked blankly down the hall.
Everyone sat down around the breakfast nook, Chloe to my right, Cindy on my left, with their mom and dad across the table. Chloe told us all about her college life, her friends, her classes, and how much fun she was having. She jumped up and ran to answer the phone, and her mom and dad asked how I was doing. The conversation dragged on at the table as Chloe talked on the phone, laughing and sometimes whispering. It was only a few minutes after she returned that the phone rang again, and Chloe jumped up again to answer.
Same thing... It was awkward, and everyone felt it. Cindy put her hand on my leg, more as a comforting gesture as compared to flirting. Her mom commented, “She has a lot of friends she hasn’t seen in a long time”, trying to be reassuring, but the fact that she hasn’t seen me either hung in the air.
I excused myself from the table, “I need to get back. I’ve got a pretty strict deadline to meet at work.”
Cindy walked me to the front door. She was visibly angry, “She can be such a... “, shaking her head as her words drifted off. She gave me a hug and whispered, “I miss you. I was hoping we could all cuddle on the couch tonight”, but we both knew those days were over.
I whispered, “Call me when you get a chance.”; my number was in the family’s phone book. She smiled and nodded as I walked out the door.
A car pulled up as I was walking out to my car. A friend from high school got out, and looked a bit startled as he saw me. “Hey Jeff! I came over to see Chloe... are you still seeing her?”
“Not really... have fun”, is all I could manage to say as I walked past him.
Chloe called me later that night but I didn’t answer.
———————— Cindy’s call ————————
I was briefly home in the afternoon, between classes and work, when Cindy called. “Jeff! Finally... I wanted to call earlier but either my parents were here, or Chloe was.” She was alone, but was still speaking quietly, “Is this a good time? Can you talk?”
I was overjoyed to hear her, “Yes... now is a perfect time. I’m not headed to work for another hour.”
“I’m really sorry about the other night. She was so rude to you. I was hoping we could hang out for a while.”
Just hearing her voice got my heart racing. She was so sweet, and she actually cared about my feelings. “How are you doing? I miss you. Did you just get home from school? So, are you still wearing your school uniform?”
Cindy attended a Catholic girls school that required she wear a uniform; white blouse, plaid skirt, the whole deal. This prompted constant teasing from her older sister who went to a public high school, like me.
“Yeah, I just got home. I haven’t changed yet. I hate having to wear this”, she replied.
Doesn’t she realize how hot she looks in that outfit? “You look so sexy in that uniform... you have no idea.”
“I think I look like a dork in it... you really like it?”
“I love it. I may like your nightshirt a little more, but that uniform is a close second.”
Cindy laughed at my flirting, “I want to see you”, she said in a sad tone.
“I want to see you too, but I certainly can’t come up to your house. Did you see the look your dad gave me? And I really don’t want to run into Chloe.”
Cindy was still talking quietly, “Maybe you could pick me up from school some time? Or I could ride my bike over to your house, or your office?”
The office... I’m allowed to work evenings there while I’m attending the university, and no one is there after 5:00. “The office would be great, if that’s not too far for you.”
She laughed, “You forgot I rode over 300-miles last year on the school bike trip.”
I heard her gasp, “Someone’s home! I gotta go!”
I was able to spit out, “Call my office number anytime after 5:30. The number’s in the book”, before she hung up.
I worked every night that week, but it wasn’t until Friday that the phone rang.
“Hi Stace! Are you around tonight? ...Great! ...is it okay if I ride over? ...No, I can’t stay the night tonight...”
I laughed at her plotting, “Stace? ...Yes! ...Are you sure you can’t spend the night?”
Cindy laughed, “Okay... I’ll be over in a bit”, and she hung up.
I could feel my heart beating faster as I checked everything around the office. I had been thinking about this non-stop since she called earlier in the week. I had brought a few things down to work, a blanket, a pillow, lube, and some condoms, although I couldn't imagine how I could ever get my 8" cock inside her tiny pussy... condom or not.
Okay... I could definitely imagine it... in fact, I had been beating my dick raw over the past week imagining exactly that. I was going mad thinking about working my thick cock into her tiny body.
After the way Chloe treated me, my lust for her little sister became even stronger. However, it wasn't revenge sex I wanted. I truly loved Cindy and I didn't want to steal her innocence from her. I desperately wanted to fuck her, but I didn't want to be the one who took her sweet virginity. She was too young, I couldn't even take her on any respectable dates, or court her in any fashion... but I found her irresistible. I was going slightly mad over it.
———————— The Office ————————
I paced the office and watched the street for her, and the moment I saw her bike I ran down to let her in, “Quick, come inside. This is a pretty busy street... we don't want anyone seeing you here.”
I picked up her bike and carried it into the small storeroom downstairs. "Come on, I'll show you my office", and led her to the bottom of the stairs. I let her go first... she was wearing her school uniform, and I strained to look up her skirt as she climbed the stairs. Watching her beautiful bare legs and her little bubble butt in that skirt immediately sent a surge of blood to my dick. I led her into my office, a large room with a number of desks and tables. I knew she could be seen by the cars driving by, so I guided her to the back of the room, out of sight. I walked over to the window to look down to the parking lot to make sure nobody else was there. Other than my car, the lot was empty.
I turned around, "It looks like we are alone.” I looked her up and down, “You wore your school uniform! I can't imagine riding your bike in that can be easy, and I thought you hated it.”
"You said you liked it. I want to look good for you", she replied with a smile. "I ride to school sometimes like this, so I just tuck the front of the skirt between my legs to prevent me from flashing everyone."
I smiled, "I would be following you on that bike for miles, just in hopes that you might flash me.”
"Like this?" and she lifted her skirt so I could see her white panties.
"Oh My God... you need to be careful. You are every man's fantasy. Seriously, you can't imagine how many men, besides me, would want to have their way with you, especially in that outfit."
She smiled, "Have their way with me? You mean like the other night? I think I might enjoy that, at least with you. That was amazing."
I laughed, “That was more than amazing... I have not been able to get it out of my head. But I would never hurt you. I would never do anything that you didn't want me to do. There are other men who aren't so nice... who might hurt you. Please be careful."
"I trust you. I like that I don't have to be careful with you. And I like that I have this effect on you", pointing to my crotch.
I looked down and my arousal was pretty evident. My swollen dick was hanging down the right leg of my pants and was trying to lift up, and there was a very visible wet spot at the tip. I was wearing lightweight khakis; probably a bad choice.
"I'm sorry. I can't help it. Especially after that night. You drive me crazy."
She smiled, “Don't be sorry. I love it. I take it as a compliment. No one has ever made me feel as attractive, desirable, like you do."
"You are extremely attractive, and I have never desired anyone as much as I want you. That night was truly the best, most erotic sex I have ever had. It was unbelievable. I'm sorry I was so rough with you... I kinda lost my mind."
"Stop saying you're sorry. I loved everything you did... everything. Was that really the best you've had? Even with Chloe? I mean... we didn't even..."
"Yes... absolutely the best. My heart is racing right now just thinking about it"
"How did you learn to do that with your mouth... your tongue? That was amazing”, she repeated.
“That is sweet of you to say... I’m sure I could do better with your guidance. I have read a bunch on techniques, but I think practice is the best way. There were some articles I read that taught me some tricks to hit your G-Spot, but you are too tight for my fingers to reach that, at least from the front...”
“I’m sorry I’m so small. I wish... I... I wish I could... I’ve heard about that spot...
What do you mean ‘from the front’... do you mean you could reach it... um... from my... from the back?”
I smiled at her, “Well, I would certainly love to try. It’s something I read about. Not sure if it would work, or if you would enjoy it... but I know I would.” I could feel my dick growing just talking about sex with her.
“I’ve never been able to talk to anyone so openly like this. Communication is everything when it comes to sex. You have to tell your partner what you like, and what you don’t like.”
Cindy looked like she was in deep thought, “I would love to experiment. Did Chloe like it when you... um... you licked my... um..."
I laughed a little, "That was the first time I ever did that. I never really wanted to before."
Cindy looked surprised, “Doesn't that gross you out? I've never heard of anyone doing that."
"There is nothing about you that grosses me out. I am very oral, and I loved doing that with you. That was about as intimate as I could get with you. You are beautiful... sexy as hell, top to bottom."
She giggled, and repeated my word, “bottom”.
"I hope it didn't gross you out, or make you uncomfortable." She shook her head and smiled, turning a little red.
She looked back down at the bulge in my pants, "Do you want to see my tan line?". She lifted her skirt again, and pulled the front of her panties down, exposing her pale panty line and a little bit of her sparse bush.
My dick jumped seeing this, and I felt a large drop of precum come out the end.
"Dammit, Cindy... you are going to kill me. Or at least ruin my pants."
She laughed and pointed at my pants again. My dick was straining at the material, and the wet spot at the head was huge, and was starting to run down the leg.
"Am I in trouble? I'm sorry... I didn't mean to make you so uncomfortable. Are you going to punish me? Do I need a spanking?"
She turned around and bent over, her plaid skirt hiking up so I could almost see her panties. She looked back and watched me adjust my dick.
"God Dammit... you are doing this on purpose. I think you just might deserve some punishment..."
She bent further forward, reached back and lifted her skirt up over her waist so her cute little butt and white panties were in full view. She rested her weight on her forearms on the desk against the back wall, and started swinging her ass side to side.
"Oh, please, Mr. Bentsen... please don't spank me. I'll be a good girl... I promise.”
She was really enjoying screwing with me. But I was hard as a rock. I had never seen Cindy act this way; she was very confident and totally in control.
I played along, “Well, Cindy, if you do what I say, I might let you off with just a small spanking, and I might not tell your parents.”
She replied, quite dramatically, “I’ll do anything Mr. Bentsen... just don’t tell my parents.”
“Pull those panties down. I want to see that cute little butt.”
Cindy reached back with both hands and slowly pulled her panties down over her little bubble butt, and down to her knees, “Like this, Mr. Bentsen?” She then slowly bent over further and pulled them completely off, over her shoes. She stayed bent in half like this, holding onto her ankles and looked back and smiled at my shocked expression, “Gymnastics”.
This was too much, and threw me right over the edge. I walked over and dropped to my knees behind her. I ran my hands up the backside of her legs, feeling the smooth skin of her thighs, and up over her pale ass. I grabbed both sides of her butt and spread her cheeks apart. Her lips separated, and her tiny pussy opened up... dripping wet but still only the size of my pinky finger. Still holding her spread open, I brought my face close to her and licked the drip of her lube that was running down her lips. She flinched when my tongue hit her little button, then she moved her feet apart and arched her back so I had better access. Pulling my head back, I took in the sight of her spread open for me, her tiny pussy open for my tongue, her little pink asshole exposed.
I pushed my face into her box, my nose pressing into her ass, and my tongue pushing into her tiny little pussy... actually, too tiny to get my tongue in very far. I had played with a number of girls in earlier years, virgins who were younger than Cindy, but I had never touched a pussy so small. I couldn’t reach her hymen with my tongue, but her opening was so small I could still only get the tip of my tongue inside her.
I pulled away and took a long lustful look at her while holding her cheeks spread apart, “My God, you are so fucking hot.”
I picked her up and laid her on her back on the desk, pulled her legs up and asked her to hold them there. She was incredible - innocent and obscene at the same time... holding her knees up close to her shoulders, her plaid skirt flipped up so her tiny pussy and ass were exposed, shoes and socks still on.
I pulled over the desk chair and sat down, placed my hands on her thighs, and started running my tongue up and down her open lips and little button, “Tell me if I do something you like, or don’t like.”
“That feels pretty good so far...”, she said with a giggle and a small gasp. I tried sliding my tongue further inside her again, with little success, so I concentrated on her little button, and her body shook at the contact. I slid my index finger inside her... but it came to a halt before my second knuckle. I started sliding it in and out of her, hoping her little opening would relax, but she pushed my hand away after only a few strokes.
“I’m sorry... I really like what you’re doing, but that kinda hurts a little.”
I went back to her clit, working my tongue around and sucking her button.
“Maybe you could try that thing with my G-Spot... you were talking about... from the back?”
...holy shit. I never expected her to be okay with that suggestion
“Really? I would love to... just let me know if it hurts, or if you don’t like it.”
I moved my hands down and spread her cheeks apart and gently licked around her ass with the flat part of my tongue, to soften and unclench her. Once I felt her ass relax I licked over the center and pressed harder with my tongue... I could feel her little butthole open up, and I slid the tip of my tongue inside. It tightened at first, then started to relax again as I slid my tongue in and out. After several strokes with my tongue, her ass relaxed and opened more. I drove my tongue into her as far as it would reach... pulled it out a bit, and back in deep... her asshole expanding with each thrust, again and again until it stayed open even when I pulled my tongue out.
I pulled my head back and looked up at Cindy. She was staring at me wide-eyed... a look of shock on her face.
“I am just trying to relax you. Does it hurt?”
“No... I just... I wasn’t expecting that. It feels weird... I think I like it, but I... I’m kinda self conscious.”
I looked back at her ass and it was still gaping open, about twice as large as her tiny pussy.
“Don’t be self conscious. I am absolutely loving this... you are so fucking sexy. And I love your ass. I love the way it reacts... the way it opens and closes on my tongue.”
With this she closed her eyes and laid her head back.
Sliding my tongue into her ass again, it tightened a little, then quickly relaxed and opened up further.
I grabbed the lube and poured some on the fingers of my right hand, and some into her open ass. It clenched a little from the cold, but still gaped open. I slid my right index finger slowly into her ass, and went back to licking her clit... her body jerked and her ass tightened down on my finger. The warmth and feeling of the smooth sides of the inner part of her canal was incredible.
“Is that okay?”
Cindy jerked a little more, then her anus relaxed on my probing finger, “Uh... I... uhh... yeah... that feels good.”
I rotated my hand and started stroking the top side of her canal, curling my finger back in a ‘come hither’ motion. I was hoping the pressure would reach her G-Spot through the thin membrane between her vagina and rectum... by her reaction it was working.
I increased the pressure with my finger, wiggled it side to side, and slid it in and out of her ass, while I licked her pussy. Her clit was engorged, and my face was getting soaked from the lube leaking from her little slit. The more I played with her asshole, the more it relaxed and opened up to my probing. I pulled my index finger out slightly, then added my middle finger, gently sliding both into her asshole.
“Does that hurt?”
She said nothing, but shook her head quickly... her eyes still closed, her rapid breathing increasing.
I stroked her ass with my fingers, curling them alternately against the upper wall, like my fingers were trying to walk further into her. Her older sister loved this when I went down on her, except this time I was stroking deep in Cindy’s asshole. The more I played with and probed her ass, the more it relaxed and opened, until I was pretty sure I could get more than just my fingers inside of her.
“Whoa... that feels... oh my god...”, Cindy grabbed my head and pulled my mouth in harder against her. “Oh My God... That feels Good... Keep doing that! You’re gonna make me Cum! Ohhh... God... Jeff...” Her body started shaking and her ass dilated further as she started to climax. I roughly fucked her ass with my two fingers and sucked greedily on her pussy... she bucked against my mouth and fingers and arched her back, “OH MY GOD!... OH... fuck... ohh... JEFF!!...” Her body convulsed violently for 15 or 20 seconds as she rode wave after wave of her orgasm.
Cindy's body finally stopped shaking and fell back onto the desk, her hands fell from my head, her chest heaving with deep breaths. I gently slid my fingers out of her ass, and her body flinched as I pulled my mouth from her swollen pussy, like she was getting small electric shocks.
She was out of breath, “Oh my God, Jeff... that was wild. I've never had an orgasm like that. That was crazy... amazing... it felt deeper and stronger than I ever... was that a G-Spot thing?"
"I would think so... I was certainly trying to reach that. I hope I didn't hurt you."
"No... not at all. It was weird at first... you know, when you started playing with my... my bum... but then... wow.”
Her face flipped to a look of concern. “Once again you didn't get to enjoy yourself."
I laughed, "Um, I was definitely enjoying myself. That was sexy as hell. I don’t always have to cum.”
"Well, maybe I could help you cum. I feel really bad I’m so small we can’t make love. Maybe you could teach me how to give a blowjob? Or... maybe anal?"
My jaw dropped when she said this, “Anal? Are you serious? I thought you never heard of that.”
“No... I said I never heard of anyone licking down there. My friend said anal was a great way of having sex without losing your virginity, and you can’t get pregnant either. I thought it was nasty when I first heard about it, but I don’t anymore... especially after what we just did. What you just did... That was amazing...”
I was stunned. I couldn’t imagine my sweet Cindy suggesting such a thing... but my heart was suddenly beating out of my chest and my dick was
The sound of the door slamming downstairs shot adrenaline and fear into us both. I threw myself to my feet and literally picked Cindy up and threw her and the pillow under a desk, and pushed a chair up to hide her. I could hear footsteps coming up the stairs. I ran over and sat down at my desk, inching up close to hide my erection and wet pants.
Ken came around the corner, “Hey, Jeff, working late again?” My heart was pounding, but I was able to spit out, “Hi Ken, yeah.. I gotta get the materials for the GE job on order first thing tomorrow. Can’t be late on that one.” I looked over to the desk where Cindy was hiding, and you couldn’t see much. But my heart stopped when I saw her panties on the floor a couple of feet away. The lube was still on the top of the desk, top open.
Ken was the top salesman there, and sharp as hell. We got along well, but I didn’t want him to know anything he could hold against me.
He turned and walked towards his office, “I need to grab some files for a huge proposal I’m working on.”
Everything was always "huge" with Ken.
I focused on the papers on my desk, my heart beating through my chest, sweat breaking across my face. Keep cool, Jeff...
Ken headed back downstairs, “Don’t work too late... you should be out having fun with some young beautiful girl, instead of working here at night...”
I heard a giggle under the desk.
I waited until Ken’s car left the lot before I moved. “Holy shit... that was too fucking close.”
Cindy scooted out from under the desk, laughing until she saw her panties on the floor. She gasped, “Oh My God, did he see those?”
"I don't think so... Don't worry about Ken... he's cool", I said, trying to convince myself and slow my heartbeat.
"Oh, Geese.. It's almost dark! I told dad I would be home before dark. He doesn't like me riding my bike at night. I'm sorry... I'll make it up to you later, I promise."
"Don't say you're sorry. Tonight was unbelievable. There is absolutely nothing better on this earth than watching you climax like that."
I kissed her and helped her get ready. I wondered if she was grossed out kissing me after my tongue was in her ass.
"I'll follow you home in my car to make sure you're safe."
I let her get a block away before I pulled out of the lot. It was a fairly long ride to her house, and I watched her the entire time. I couldn’t believe what just occurred, and with Cindy no less... that innocent little virgin girl I had known for so long. Chloe never even let me play with her ass, and here was her little sister... my dick was hard in my pants as I watched her ride her bike in front of me.
It was dark before she turned down her block. I went past her street, then drove back to the office. I worked late, but got little done. My mind was stuck on Cindy, her open sexuality, her body, the sound and movements she makes when she climaxes... and the danger of our relationship.
I should stay away from her. This is self destructive. I’m making her grow up too fast. I’m an asshole for corrupting this sweet girl.
Regardless, my dick was rock hard thinking of her, and it can overpower my conscience and good intentions every time. |
Title: 50yo Girls Gone Wild
Tags: Fiction, Consensual Sex, Exhibitionism, Male / Females, Mature
Introduction:
Older can be better.
Content:
Fbailey story number 343
50yo Girls Gone Wild
Just about everyone has heard of “Girls Gone Wild” where young attractive girls willing show the camera their boobs, butts, or pussies and sometimes all three. They are usually drunk, drinking, or just get caught up in the moment by their friends. No matter what…they are very sexy DVDs to watch. My favorite is “Girls Gone Wild - On Campus.” It is an old DVD and apparently its out of print (I checked their web site). Anyway there are hundreds of girls flashing. A couple of girls at the end are willing to show everything that they have and I like seeing it.
Well anyway at my age I would just as soon see some older women. You see it is easy for a twenty-year-old to look good but will she still look that good when she is forty or fifty? Some do and then you know you have a real woman.
I always told my son to check out the mother when he was dating. She might be the prettiest girl he ever saw with the sexiest body too but she might have a four hundred pound mother. It doesn’t mean that she will turn out to be like her mother but it is a strong possibility.
So anyway I set out to capture older women exposing themselves with my digital video camera. They are not the kind that you can give a couple of beers too and take advantage of. They are not sewing their wild oats. However, if you are in the right place at the right time anything is possible.
NASCAR Racing:
Those older women sure do get into automobile racing as much as their husbands do. Formula One Grand Prix racing is a little to sophisticated for them. Dirt Track Racing is usually just for locals and not televised either. Yup, NASCAR Racing is the place to see women flash their goodies.
So the place I decided to go was Las Vegas where there were 150,000 seats available, gambling, prostitution, and just anything else that the average redneck couple might like to do.
Situated just a few miles north of The Strip, Las Vegas Motor Speedway sits like a diamond in the desert. One of the most complete racing complexes in the world, its 1,600 acres includes road courses, a three-eighths mile oval, a dirt track and a state-of-the-art drag racing facility. At its heart, however, is the D-shape 1.5-mile Las Vegas Motor Speedway.
Well I wondered what a woman like that would want in exchange for flashing me…a T-shirt. So I got one hundred size large T-shirts made up that read, “Women Gone Wild” “NASCAR” “Las Vegas.” I put them in the back of my rented van along with two big coolers full of beer and ice.
I was planning on being there for the whole week as they tuned up their cars, test drove them, and then ran some preliminary races before the final event.
I sat in my lawn chair at the rear of my van and just started asking older women if they would show me their tits for a nice cold beer while I filmed them. I got a couple of takers but when I asked to see their pussies for a T-shirt, they refused. I thought that I had just wasted all of that money that I had spent on a flight, hotel, and those T-shirts.
Then I had my first. She identified herself as Connie R age fifty-two. Then she lifted her top and showed me a rather nice set of tits as I filmed her. She was not in any hurry to put them away, even when a few people stopped to watch. Then she looked around and dropped her shorts and panties to her knees for me. I was gazing at a very nice pussy with short trimmed pubic hair, puffy lips, and a protruding clitoris. Then she reached down and started playing with it as more people gathered around her. After she masturbated for me she pulled her clothes back on and asked for her T-shirt. She pulled it on over her other shirt then looked around and asked the prettiest woman in the crowd to do it too. As the crowd cheered and her husband pushed her closer, I smiled.
Stacey P was forty-nine years old and she looked like she could be a model. She came closer, looked around at the crowd, and asked if we could do it in private. I invited her inside my van and she stepped in. I made my apologies to the crowd, got in, and closed the door. That beautiful innocent looking lady surprised the hell out of me by removing her top and removing her bra for me to film her firm breasts. Then she removed her shorts and panties so that I could film her tight ass and her bald pussy. She sat back and opened her legs, then she used both hands to open her pussy, and then she said that I could fuck if I gave her an extra T-shirt for her husband. You bet you sweet ass the answer was yes. That bombshell was a swinger. She helped me get my shorts and underwear off and sucked my cock before pulling it right up to her vagina. She let me push it in and then she started fucking up at me like a professional. God could she fuck! I wanted it to last forever but she had another plan. All too quickly I was pumping my load into her. After we dressed she left with two cans of beer and two T-shirts. She just smiled at the people that had waited around to see the outcome. She smiled, handed her husband a beer and T-shirt, and then told the crowd that she had to fuck me to get the extra set. All I could do was smile.
After that I hardly had to ask anyone to flash for me. It seemed that everyone wanted a T-shirt or at least to be able to tell their friends that they had flashed just like those teenagers in the real videos.
I saw tits of all shapes and sizes, I saw asses that were tight and flabby, and I saw pussies that were bald, hairy, and tattooed. Tattoos…now that brought up a whole new subject. Probably half of those women had a tattoo somewhere on their bodies. Most had something on a breast, shoulder, or above their ass but some had them in places that only a bathing suit bottom would cover. I saw tattoos that were of cartoon characters, said that they belonged to someone, or that simply said ‘fuck me.’ Most women were willing to do it where other people could see them but those that wanted to go in the van were okay too. I won in either case. Those that went into the van were usually willing to go all the way to full nude and even offer me sex. I simply told them that if they could get up they could have it. They sure tried and I filmed that too. By the time the day was about over I was almost out of T-shirts and I had fucked eight women cumming in just four of them.
I took on all comers including younger women, fat women, and as you might expect at a redneck convention…toothless women. But those fifty-year-old women were definitely my favorites.
That night I had another three hundred T-shirts printed up and picked them up later. You can get anything that you want at any time of the day or night in Las Vegas.
The next day when I arrived and had gotten parked in just about the same place I had three women waiting for me. They said that they were sisters and that they wanted my T-shirts.
They were all in their fifties, quite attractive, and very willing to go all the way right there in the parking lot as long as I did it quickly before too many people arrived and a crowd formed. Yes ma’am. I aimed my camera, they identified themselves, and started undressing. They made piles in front of them as they undressed. Once fully nude they turned slowly, did some jumping jacks, and pretended that they were the strippers that they had seen up on stage the night before with their husbands. One squatted down and pissed in the parking lot with her two sisters laughed at her. I didn’t laugh. They sure earned their beers and T-shirts.
I had the best time of my life at that NASCAR facility. I had never seen that many women willing to let me look at them topless or nude. I had never gotten as much sex either. In that week I gave out a thousand T-shirts but I knew that I was the winner. I had heard that hookers were costing two-hundred dollars a throw and the seventy plus women that I had fucked, even though I hadn’t cum in all of them, would have cost me a hell of a lot more. Then I was pretty sure that I could edit out the fat ugly chicks and sell a lot of DVDs earning back every penny that I had invested and then some.
I could get to like this.
The Daytona 500 wasn’t too far off.
The End
50yo Girls Gone Wild
343 |
Title: 50yo man meets 22 yo boy_(1)
Tags: Fantasy, Anal, Blowjob, Boy / Boy, Consensual Sex, Cum Swallowing, First Time, Gay, Hardcore, Oral Sex, Virginity, Young
Introduction:
Man and Boy get together
Content:
This is my first shot at a fantasy story. It is actually my fantasy of what I would love to do with a young man that I work with. If you like it, and I get at least 3 likes, I will work on writing another story. I have some true stories, but they have been rejected for underage, but I also have some true stories not written yet that are adult as well. I hope you like it. I enjoy living these in my mind and reliving the true stories as well.
JD is a 50-year-old slightly overweight, blonde turning grey short cut hair dazzling Irish blue eyes with a beard and mustache. He is working his tail off at two different jobs. Both are night jobs so he pretty much works all the time unless he is sleeping. The boss at his second job asked him to help train a new guy to work through the week nights. The new guys worked a little with some of the other clerks so he knows most of what he is doing just not what to do during the nights. His name is Corey. Corey is 22 full of energy like most other 22-year-old kids, and has a great body, tall and skinny is the best way to describe him. He is also very handsome with gorgeous green eyes and brown short cut hair.
JD and Corey hit it off well, and JD asked Corey if he would help him move somethings into his apartment. They talked about life in general and both found out that the other is bisexual while Corey helped JD. This peaked JD’s interest because he is attracted to younger guys. Corey didn’t seem to get a rise out of the discovery of JD’s sexual orientation. They were done moving the furniture into JD’s apartment and JD said he needed to get a drink and headed toward the kitchen. As he walked past Corey, he deliberately rubbed up against Corey with his hand, playing it off as an accident. JD couldn’t help but notice when he did this that Corey had a hard-on pointing straight up. JD went to the frig and pulled out a soda for both him and Corey. JD turned to Corey and said you want this now or do you have something else in mind as he glanced down at Corey’s’ crotch. Corey reached out to take the soda and at the same time obviously adjusted his hard-on and said what do you have in mind? JD took the invitation, put his soda down, and stepped toward Corey and said I suppose I should think about paying you for your help. At the same time, he reached down to grab Corey’s crotch. He rubbed his cock and said mmhm, just like I was hoping a big one ready to suck on. Corey moaned at the touch and pulled JD into him in an affectionate embrace. JD gently pushed on Corey until he was pinned against the wall and began to kiss him passionately. He couldn’t believe his luck, such a hunk, bisexual, and willing and obviously ready to have sex with him.
JD grabbed Corey by the hand and led him into the bedroom. He pushed him down onto the bed. Corey’s hard-on very prominent and creating a tent in his shorts. JD grabbed onto it and stroked up and down on it through the shorts Corey was wearing. Corey looked down at him and watched then said take me, I want you and have since I met you. JD moved up toward Corey’s head pulling his shirt along with him. He peeled the shirt off Corey and then began to kiss and caress his way down the sexy firm body that lay in front of him. JD thought to himself god I would love to have a body like this again but at least I get to play with one now. He sucked on Corey’s nipples. While he sucked and nibbled on one, he would pinch the other gently while pulling down Corey’s’ shorts. Slowly he made his way down Corey’s firm toned abs following his faint trail of hair. As he approached the waistband of Corey’s underwear, Corey’s cock jumped, making JD smile. JD bit at the waistband and began to pull the underwear down with his teeth. Corey tried to give him some help, but JD slapped his hand away telling him not too fast Mr. horny this isn’t a race.
JD moved his hands down to the waistband and with his hands and teeth removed Corey’s underwear. Corey’s hard-on sprang out like a spring slapping against his stomach. Corey’s penis was thick and long roughly about 7 inches in length and around 4.5 inches in girth. Corey was also totally shaved. JD noticed that he even shaved the taint area clean. JD said damn that is beautiful and bent down to lick it. He lifted Corey’s huge bald ball sack and licked under it on the taint just above the asshole. Corey moaned approval of the move, JD smiled then pulled one ball at a time into his mouth and sucked on them individually for a minute or so before moving on. This made Corey moan loudly and JD slowly licked up his thick sexy love stick right to the head. He then gave it a light kiss on the piss slit sucking up the leaking precum getting a taste of Corey’s love juices. JD licked his lips and looked up at Corey and said you like that. Corey nodded his head vigorously and anxiously awaited more. JD grabbed Corey’s balls sack giving it a gentle squeeze and cupping them played with them a little with his left hand. With his right hand, he took ahold of the thick juicy cock lifting it straight up and stroking it gently licked the large vein on the underside from the base to the tip and back down again.
Corey couldn’t believe the feelings he was having and said loudly "oh my god I love you JD take me now any way you want, you keep doing that and I am going to blow my load right now". JD just smiled and said "well you do that and I will need to clean you up before I fuck you bareback". Corey said "do it I want you to dump your cum in my ass. Just take it easy down there, I am a virgin when it comes to that". I have only given blow jobs and gotten them from all the guys I have been with. A couple of the girls I have finger fucked me while blowing me but I have never had a cock in there.
JD stood slipped his shirt off and dropped both his pants and underwear. He was now standing totally naked in front of Corey his cock at full attention. JD was about 4 inches in girth and 6.75 inches long. Slightly smaller than Corey and he noticed. Corey said damn JD that is nearly as big as mine and sexy as fuck. I like that you trim everything short. JD went back down on Corey taking his cock into his mouth and sucked on just the head to tease him. Corey moaned approval. Then said if you swing around we can 69 and I can see what you taste like too. JD hummed while going deep onto Corey’s cock what sounded like a response but Corey couldn’t make it out. He tried to sit up a little to get his hands on JD’s gorgeous thick fuck stick but JD gently pushed his hands away and hummed not now as he drove up and down Corey’s thick cock. The humming was starting to send Corey over the edge, well that and the fact that JD could deep throat his entire cock. Corey had never met anyone that could do that. They had all started choking at about three quarters of the way down the thick shaft. Corey could feel himself getting ready to cum and said to JD that he was going to blow soon. This made JD move up and down faster and if possible further down. He kept playing with Corey’s balls tickling under them then slipping his wet middle finger into his ass. Corey soon said he was going to cum. JD just kept giving the blow job and finger fucking him and he blew just as JD was at the base of Corey’s cock so the first few shots went straight down his throat. He pulled back so he could receive the rest of the load in his mouth and taste it. He hummed a little as his mouth was filling with cum which to his surprise seemed to increase the amount of cum. It finally ended and JD pulled off looked up at Corey and grinned with his cum filled mouth. Then swallowed and opened his mouth to show Corey that it was all gone. Corey said that was incredible when you were humming I didn’t think I was ever going to stop cumming. JD said that was the point then slid his hands up and down Corey’s sides. Now to clean you up as he placed a kiss in Corey’s belly button and tongued it sending chills through Corey.
JD finished cleaning up Corey by licking him all over then went down to Corey’s balls lifting them to begin to lick his taint. Corey instinctively spread his legs wide to allow easy access for JD. JD then moved down to begin to lick and tongue fuck Corey’s’ asshole. Corey began to moan at the feeling. JD made sure he got him good and wet and inserted his index and middle fingers into his man pussy and wiggled them up and down and side to side to prepare Corey for entry.
JD kissed up Corey’s balls, to the tip of his cock, then began to work his way up his stomach and chest. As he reached Corey’s neck he reached down to rub his leaking cock on the entrance of Corey’s man pussy. Corey wasn’t sure what he was planning but the feeling of the cock at his entrance was feeling good he knew that much. JD then kissed his neck all the while Corey couldn’t stop moaning with pleasure. As JD began to nibble on Corey’s left ear-lob he gave a slight push of his cock. Corey wasn’t expecting it and winced as JD’s girth made itself known during its’ entry. JD pulled back a little then re-inserted his cock to push it in further. Corey was ready this time and received the love shaft with little problem. JD began to slowly pump his cock in and out to keep it from hurting Corey. Corey lifted his legs higher and rested his ankles on JD’s shoulders as he began to pick up the speed and get a rhythm going. Corey was surprised at how easily he lost his v-card to JD and that it felt so good and looked down to watch him pump it in and out. As JD was pumping Corey could feel his prostate being massaged by JD’s sizeable cock and it was beginning to turn him on and give him another hard-on. He reached down to start stroking it and JD slapped his hand away and said that’s for me and I want that to stay loaded so you can fuck me too. JD started to pick up the pace and Corey could feel him get stiffer with every pump. JD then began to moan and said I’m cumming. Corey felt the release of the hot cum hitting him inside his ass and moaned as well. JD finished pumping his man juice into Corey, pulled out and reached down to catch the leaking cum and rubbed it into his ass and all over Corey’s cock. He then slid up and sat on Corey’s cock and it slipped into JD’s man pussy with no problem. JD began to ride up and down and told Corey to pump as fast as he wanted. Corey reached down grabbed JD’s hips then started a furious onslaught on his ass. Pounding with a furious slapping rhythm. JD moaned loudly as Corey’s fury was getting him near the point of cumming again without even touching himself. The feeling of Corey’s hard cock ramming his prostate was feeling amazing to him. It only took a few more hard thrusts and as JD felt Corey’s cock stiffen inside him and release his boy juices, JD came again shooting so hard it hit Corey in the mouth.
JD and Corey collapsed on each other just loving the touch of each other. JD was loving the feeling of Corey’s cock becoming soft inside him and finally sliding out on its’ own. JD rolled over to Corey’s left side and looked at him. Both still panting from the amazing time they had just had, he said you need to move in with me, so we can do this anytime we want. Corey looked at JD incredulously and said do you really want me to? JD said well yeah, I wouldn’t have said anything if I didn’t want to be able to stare at and fuck that sexy ass all the time. They got dressed and went to Corey’s mothers to pick up his stuff to move him in. |
Title: 50 Great Uses For Used Condoms
Tags: Sex Joke
Introduction:
This is NOT my joke..... I don't know how many times i have to say it, but most of my jokes are from my friends and other people, so quiet emailing me saying that you've heard them before or to come up with something original, whenever i come up with something original i post it as well, I mainly just put these jokes up because I think the people coming to this site might enjoy them...... And occasionally due to peer-pressure from friends wanting to see if their jokes are funny....
Content:
Who said there aren't perfectly good uses for used condoms? I can give you at least 50 that are sure to be great examples...
1. Bicycle handle grips.
2. French tickler animals.
3. Shower caps for people with tiny heads.
4. Put one on a light bulb for mood lighting.
5. Fill one with helium and tie a note to it.
6. Get 1000 and make a submarine.
7. Put one over the showerhead to surprise Dad.
8. Put 'em on your cat's feet to keep it from climbing the curtains.
9. Blow a bunch up and tie them to the cars outside a wedding.
10. Put one on your nose and be Bobo the clown.
11. Water wings for those non-swimmers.
12. Use 500 of them to spell out "We Want Women!!" on your house.
13. Jello molds.
14. Finger puppets.
15. A wind sock.
16. Use as a bobber when fishing.
17. Put them on soda cans to keep the fizz in when you're not drinking it.
18. Practical joke: Put one on an exhaust pipe.
19. Suspenders.
20. Recycle as a Burger King ketchup baggie. (or would mayonnaise be better?)
21. Small animal muzzle.
22. Put them on your fingers & play proctologist.
23. Put them on your toes to make swim fins.
24. Draw eyeballs on them and make funny glasses.
25. Automatic door closing devices.
26. Have 'water' balloon fights.
27. Glue a bunch together and use to replace silicon breast implants.
28. Freeze them for an all- natural Popsicle.
29. Glue several together and sell as a "Stretch Man" toy.
30. Use for a Xmas stocking for those times when coal doesn't tell 'em just how bad they screwed up this year.
31. Ear/nose plugs.
32. Use 365 of them to make into a tire, and call it a "Good Year".
33. Replace those old "Dr. Scholls" shoe cushions.
34. Feed them to your pet iguana, Clyde.
35. Paint scales on them & put them in a fish tank.
36. "I challenge you to a duel!"
37. Drain plugs.
38. Put them in with your tax return.
39. Go see "Saturday Night Fever" and throw them at the screen.
40. Punching bags.
41. Hang them on the blades of a ceiling fan.
42. Send 50 of them to your ex-girlfriend.
43. Novelty key rings.
44. Hang them all around your windshield and be a Chicano.
45. Spell "Happy Birthday" on a cake.
46. Break out your paints and make wax fruit.
47. Put them on your nipples and try to swing them in opposite directions.
48. Make a "water" bed.
49. Put your money in one. Nobody will steal it!
50. Stick one on the bridge of your nose and run around saying "Gobble Gobble". |
Title: 50 Pounds Bet
Tags: True Story, Anal, Erotica, Exhibitionism, Group Sex, Males / Female, Wife
Introduction:
I bet with my wife, she cant striping nude in bar.
Content:
“That was a lovely meal,” Suzy said to me, looking up from her beer.
“Did you notice that waiter? He kept trying to look down your dress every time he got near the table. ”
We were sitting in the beer garden outside a pub not far from the restaurant. We had spent the night with friends after missing the last train following a dinner party at their house and decided to have an early lunch before getting the train home.
“I can’t say I noticed. Were you getting jealous?” Suzy asked me, playfully rubbing her leg against mine.
“No, no. Maybe he was just staring because not many women wear evening dress in the afternoon. ”
“Maybe I should take it off. Would you like that?” Suzy asked. She stood up, seductively placing her hands on her hips and raising the dress slightly. She raised her eyebrows at me, then laughed out loud. “Maybe later. I’m just going to the Ladies Room to check I’m not showing more than I should be. Did you see where it is when you bought the drinks?”
“Yeah. It’s just by the door as you go in. ”
“Thanks. Be sure to wait for me, won’t you. ,” she grinned at me, knowing I’d wait forever.
I turned to watch her go. She really did look sexy in the dress. It was bright red, very short and daringly low cut at the front. Wearing matching stiletto heels, her full breasts and shapely ass stuck out in all the right ways. All the men at the party last night were drinking her in with their eyes, and I knew she was enjoying the attention. I wondered if she was lying about not noticing the way the waiter was looking at her.
When Suzy returned from the toilet I noticed that she seemed very flushed. She rarely drinks in the afternoon and we had polished off two bottles of wine before we had even finished the meal, so we were both more than a little tipsy even before coming to the pub for a beer.
“Are you feeling all right?” I asked her.
For a second she just stared at me, her mouth open, not seeming to register what I was saying, then she sat back down opposite me. “I’m fine,” she said, her breathing heavy, her chest rising and falling. She was obviously excited about something.
“What happened?” I asked as she lifted her bottle of beer to her lips and took a few heavy gulps.
“Oh. It was nothing… really,” she said, but I could tell she was dying to tell me something. Her eyes were all dark and fiery, piercing in to me, begging me to ask her.
“Come on. Tell me. ”
“Promise you won’t get mad?”
“Yeah, yeah. I promise. Just tell me. ”
“Well, when I walked in there was a group of men sitting at a table near the toilet and they started cheering and whistling when they saw me. I couldn’t make out exactly what they were saying, but I could guess, you know. They were looking me up and down and completely undressing me with their eyes. ”
Suzy stopped, then lifted the bottle to her lips and took a large swig of beer.
“Then what happened?” I asked.
“I just walked in to the Ladies. I know you know I like it when men look at me like that. It was like at the party last night, or with that waiter. It makes me feel sexy. When I came out of the toilet, I took my time walking past them. I wanted to see if they would say anything else. ”
“And did they?”
“Yes. One of them walked over to me and stood in front of me. He told me I looked ‘fucking gorgeous’ and that he couldn’t wait to get a proper look of my ‘lovely big tits’. I’ve never had a complete stranger look at me that way before. Then he stuck his hands out and pulled the front of my dress towards him so he could look down at my tits. ”
“Did he touch you?”
“No, no. Well, only… ”
“Only what?”
“Well, while he was holding my dress away from my chest, the palms of his hands were rubbing against my nipples. They were getting really hard. I couldn’t help it. You know how sensitive they are. Look, feel them,” she said and pulled my hand to her chest. Her nipples were definitely hard. I squeezed one of them gently and she moaned softly. She was obviously really turned on, and she wasn’t the only one.
“What did he do next?” I asked, pulling my hand away.
“No. Leave it there,” she said urgently, then moved over to sit to next to me on the bench. She placed both my hands on her tits and covered my mouth with hers, driving her tongue deep into my mouth. After a while she pulled away and said, “That was it. Nothing else happened. He went and sat back down with his mates. ”
“Did you want more to happen?” I asked, continuing to play with her tits, as she rubbed her hand on my hardening cock, through my trousers.
“I don’t know,” she replied nervously.
I quickly drank what was left of my beer and looked at her, “God, I want to fuck you so bad. Let’s go. ”
“Wait… ”
“What is it?”
“Would you mind if… ”
“Tell me. ”
“Could we stay here a while longer. I thought I could go to the toilet again later, and maybe… ”
“And maybe he’d do something more?”
“No. I wouldn’t let him do anything… I just want to know whether he’d try anything. You know? I wouldn’t let him fuck me. Just… ”
I formed a mental picture of a complete stranger fondling my wife’s tits, and before I could change my mind I told her that I would go and buy us another round of drinks.
“What did he look like? I want to see him when I’m in there. ”
“I’m not telling you that. Maybe you can see later, if something happens,” she said, giving me a wicked grin.
As I walked through the pub to the bar, I looked around at the people, trying to work out who it might have been. It was a pretty small pub and there was only about a dozen men inside. There were a couple of postmen, still in their uniform, and the rest seemed to be labourers, wearing paint spattered jeans and muddy boots. While the barman was pouring our drinks he began chatting to me.
“You and your friend staying outside? Probably a good idea. This lot are gonna go crazy in a minute. ”
“Why?”
“We always have a stripper on in here in the afternoons, and she’s gone and cancelled on me. Most of this lot only come in here to have a look at the girls, and they’re liable to go apeshit when I tell ’em she ain’t turned up. The agency said they ain’t got no-one to replace her neither. Anyway, here you go. That’s three pound eighty, please mate. ”
I paid him, picked up the beers and walked outside again. I handed Suzy her beer and tried to keep from laughing.
“What are you grinning at?” she asked. “Did you find out which one of them came up to me?”
“No, no. But I did find out why. He thought you were a stripper. He was just trying to get first look at you. ”
I told her what the barman had said to me, and could tell she was disappointed. I wasn’t sure if she was more bothered that it had only happened because of mistaken identity or because they mistook one of her best dresses for a stripper’s outfit.
“You think it’s funny, don’t you?”
“No. Not at all,” I said, but I couldn’t hide the smile on my face.
“Well, maybe I should go in there and take the stripper’s place. ”
I didn’t say anything. I just laughed.
“I’ll take all my clothes off in front of the lot of them. Maybe I’ll let them feel me up too. ”
“You wouldn’t dare,” I said.
“Wanna bet?”
“That you won’t do a strip show for all those guys in there? Okay, I’ll bet you fifty pounds that you don’t do it. ”
As soon as I had spoken she stood up and headed for the pub. I had no idea whether she would go through with it or not. I went up to the window and saw her speak to the barman, then she walked over to a jukebox in the corner. I picked up our beers and went inside. As I walked through the door, I heard an old blues number start up, and then I saw her slowly gyrating her hips to the beat. I quickly sat beside a table near the bar and looked directly in to her eyes. She looked back and smiled mischievously. Was she really going to do this?
There was no stage in the pub, and she only had a narrow space between the bar and the tables in which to dance. Her audience was only a few feet away from her and they watched avidly as she rocked from side to side, swaying her hips and lifting the hem of her dress at the side, giving us all a glimpse of her panties. First she lifted one side, then the other, and then she lifted it in front, swiftly rubbing a hand over her crotch. After teasing us like this for a while, she sidled over to one of the men standing at the bar, and turned her back to him. She took hold of one of his hands and guided it to the zipper. I watched with mounting excitement as he slowly pulled down the zipper of her dress while his other hand took a firm grip of her ass.
Seconds later, she pulled away from him, letting her dress fall to the floor and showing us all her skimpy black underwear. She had never worn anything so revealing in public before. Even on the beach she would never wear just a thong. Every second that she danced seemed to last a whole minute as my heart and mind raced at the spectacle before me. A dozen men were watching my wife dancing sexily, bending over to show them the cheeks of her ass, leaning against them and letting them touch her briefly before she danced away from them.
Before long, the song ended, amidst loud cheering from her captive audience. As Suzy came striding over towards me, I expected her to pick up her dress so we could make a move. I was really desperate now to sink my cock inside her. Seeing her behave so wantonly had me feeling hornier than I could stand. To my surprise, Suzy simply picked her dress up slightly off the floor with the toe of her shoe and kicked it towards me. I caught it and watched spellbound as she began to dance again as another tune came on the jukebox. She came towards me and pulled me out of my seat, then put her arms on my shoulders, caressing them, then feeling my chest. Suddenly she turned around, pushing her ass against the hard bulge in my jeans and whispered back to me.
“Well, aren’t you going to undo my bra for me?”
“You’re not seriously going to take it all off, are you?”
“No, you are darling,” she replied and pulled my hands to the strap of her bra. “Go on. I want them all to see my tits. And you do too, don’t you?”
I looked at the expectant faces of the men around the room, and did exactly as she said. When the strap was undone, she pulled my hands around her and pressed them against her tits, so they were completely covered when she let the bra fall to the floor. Then she placed her hands on my own and moved them in a circular motion, making sure everyone could see that she was letting me grope her. Nobody knew we were together, and they must have thought I was pretty lucky.
Suddenly, she moved away from me and danced towards the middle of the floor, then lay on her back. She threw her legs up in the air and spread them wide apart, stroking her thighs as she did so. Everyone at the tables leaned over to get a better view as she licked her fingers and then began to stroke and pinch her nipples and squeeze her tits. I could see she was genuinely horny and that this wasn’t all some act. She moved one of her hands down between her legs and began to rub herself through the material of her thong, moaning quietly. Soon the music stopped and there were more cheers and whistles from the crowd as she stood up and took a bow.
When she walked over to me I handed the dress to her, but instead of putting it on, she flung it on the table beside me. Suddenly the music started again and she turned her back to me and bent over so her ass was inches from my face.
“Well,” she whispered. “Aren’t you going to pull down my panties?”
“Don’t you think you’ve gone far enough?” I said.
“Well, just one more song, I think. Come on, if you don’t pull them down, I’ll have to ask someone else. ”
I just sat there, paralysed, not knowing what to do, until suddenly she stood upright and strode over to a scruffy looking guy at another table. When she bent over in front of him, she didn’t need to tell him what to do. He hooked his fingers inside her panties and slowly pulled them down, nuzzling his face against her as he did so. He began to lick and kiss the cheeks of her ass until she broke away from him and lay down on the floor once more. Again, she spread her legs wide, and again she rubbed her hand between her legs. This time, however, she was completely naked but for her high heels, and every single one of us could see she was sopping wet, her pussy hairs glistening, as she rubbed her clit. I watched in astonished excitement as my wife lay there, masturbating naked in front of a dozen men. I could tell she was nearing her climax, when suddenly the music finished and the audience erupted in applause and wolf whistles. I could see she wanted to carry on frigging herself, but if she did, the others would know it wasn’t all part of the act, so she stood up and smiled. It was obvious that she really enjoyed herself, and also that she was really seriously turned on by what she had done.
The barman called her to the bar and handed her an empty pint jug. She looked at me quizzically and I beckoned her over.
“That’s for tips. You go around to everybody one by one and they put money in the jug. ”
“Oh, I see. That can’t be bad. And remember. You owe me fifty. ”
She started to walk away from me towards the men standing at the bar when I called her back.
“Hey,” I whispered. “You can put your clothes back on now. You don’t have to walk amongst them completely starkers you know. ”
I saw her pick her thong up from the floor and put it on while I reached over to get the dress for her. However, instead of coming back to get the dress, she walked over to the bar, wearing nothing but her skimpy panties. She smiled at the two men standing by the bar and held the empty pint jug before her. They both smiled back briefly but concentrated their vision upon her naked breasts. They both reached into their pockets, producing a few pound coins, and one of them brushed his hand against her breast while he dropped the money in the jug. I wondered if she deliberately didn’t put the dress back on so that the guys could feel her up as she passed among them.
As she went around the tables her jug started filling up with five pound notes and pound coins, and every single one of them pawed her ass or grabbed a quick feel of her tits as she stood smiling in front of them. None of them went too far, though I don’t know whether she would have tried to stop them anyway. As she made her way round the pub back towards me, I noticed her looking back at me, trying to gauge my reaction, as she spent longer and longer at each table, letting their hands linger over her body.
When she reached the table next to me, she pulled it out a little so she could get closer to one of the men sitting there, who had long hair and an unshaven face. She made a little motion towards me, gesturing that he was the one who had accosted her earlier. His friends around the table had their hands all over her, as they deposited five pound notes in the jug. Then Suzy sat on the lap of the man she’d gestured about and said to him, “So, how much do you like my tits now, then?”
“I was right. They’re fucking lovely,” he said and slipped a twenty pound note into the side of her panties.
“Oooh, twenty pounds,” she said. “I think you should get a special treat for that. ”
I watched with rising excitement as my wife moved her legs so she was sat astride him, then pushed up, leaning on his shoulders, and guided one of her tits into his mouth. He grabbed the cheeks of her ass with both hands, pulling her towards him, as he licked and sucked her tits. She gazed into my eyes as she moaned softly. I could see she was getting carried away. She gave me that look she gets when she wants me to fuck her right away, and I wondered if she was doing this to turn me on or as foreplay for the man she was sitting on. Would she let him fuck her?
Eventually, she disengaged herself from the man, telling him she had to get the rest of her tips. Reluctantly, he let go of her ass, and allowed her to stand up and walk towards me. Her eyes flashed as she stared at the bulge in my crotch with a lascivious smile on her face. She placed her jug full of money on the table beside me, leant over me and whispered, “You owe me fifty pounds, I think. ”
I dug into my pocket for my wallet, pushing my painful erection to one side, and put the fifty pound note into the jug. Suzy pretended to be surprised at how much I put in and said out loud that I should be repaid for my generosity. Before I knew what she was doing she had unzipped my trousers and pulled out my erect cock. At first I thought that she was going to give me a blowjob, but when I saw the glazed lustful look in her eyes I knew what she would do. She pulled her panties to one side and lowered herself on to my cock. Her pussy was so wet that as soon as she pushed down on me I was inside her all the way. She slowly began to raise and lower herself, building up a gentle rhythm, as she caressed her tits.
“Are they watching?” she whispered, as she nuzzled against my ear. “I want them to see me fuck you. ”
“Yes. They are, and they all want to fuck you too. ”
“They must think that I’m… ,” she broke off to moan loudly as I gripped the cheeks of her ass. “They must think that I’ll do anything for money. That I’m a dirty little whore. ”
“Yes,” I said, pulling her deeper inside me, moving her faster and faster as I felt myself getting ready to explode. “You’re a dirty little tart. Everyone can see how dirty you are. ”
I tried to hold back, knowing she hadn’t come yet, but I was simply too turned on. I noticed the men all edging closer to watch as she rode on top of me. Suzy began to moan, “Don’t stop. Don’t stop. Fuck me harder,” just as I released a flood of come inside her. I could see the look of frustration in her eyes as I eased her off of me gently, as I withdrew my cock.
As she stood up the man who’d been sucking her tits earlier came closer and deposited fifty pounds in the pint jug saying, “I think I’ll have a bit of that. ” Before I could quite grasp what was happening, he leaned my wife over on to the table, lifted her legs onto his shoulders and took out his rock hard prick. In seconds he had pulled her thong to one side and plunged himself deep inside her. I quickly put my own cock away and began to rise out of my chair to push him off of her, when something happened to make me change my mind. I hadn’t expected Suzy to take all her clothes off and let another man suck her tits, and I really hadn’t expected her to have sex with me in front of them, but what she was doing now amazed me completely and I knew I couldn’t put a stop to it even if I wanted to.
“Oh my God,” she exclaimed, when she felt his cock enter her. “Oh God, it’s so big. Ooooh. Go on then, I want it. ” She turned her head to one side and looked me in the eyes. “Ohhh… yeah. Harder…. Faster…. Go on. Do it to me. ” She put one of her fingers in her mouth and pushed it in and out, pretending it was a cock she was sucking, then traced the wet finger around her tits, making her nipples fully erect so they pointed up towards the man who was screwing her. I noticed that by now a crowd had gathered round. All the men in the pub had left their seats and were now only a few feet away, watching my wife being treated like a common prostitute. A few of them had their pricks in their hands and were wanking away at the sight of it.
Suzy raised her head off the table slightly, licking her lips, as if she wanted to reach up further and kiss him. He must have known what she wanted and he leaned over and roughly put his tongue in her mouth, pushing her thighs against her tits, thrusting his cock even deeper now inside her. Soon, her moaning became more urgent, as the man fucked her with a wild abandon, until she suddenly screamed out loud as he came inside her, still thrusting until he eventually pulled out, dripping come all over her belly and went back to his table.
Some of the other men had already jerked off, and were now just staring at my wife, her hands stretched out on the table as she lay back, looking incredibly horny. My cock was hard again and I stood over her looking at her come stained belly. I reached across and pulled down her sopping wet panties, as her eyes blazed with lust. Just as I was about to pull out my cock and fuck her again, one of the labourers came over and pushed me gently to one side. “Hey, man. You had your turn,” he said then fanned five £20 pound notes in Suzy’s direction and placed them in the pint jug before pulling out his cock. It was really long and hard, probably two or three inches longer than my own and I saw my wife’s eyes open wide when she saw it pointing at her.
I knew that she had already fancied the guy who had just fucked her, but I didn’t expect her to do it with anyone who offered the money, so I was shocked when she looked greedily at him and said, “Well, big boy, one hundred pounds. Are you going to fuck me twice?”
He didn’t answer her question, just told her to turn around and bend over the table. She held her tits in her hands and squeezed them as she leant over and she gasped when she felt his cock sink into her cunt. My cock was still in my hand and I began to masturbate as I saw another man about to use her like a whore. He rested his hand on her back as he gently eased himself in and out of her for a few strokes before pulling out completely. She turned to look back at him quizzically and suddenly he rammed his prick into her ass.
“Ooohhhh!” she screamed. “What are you doing?”
“Well,” he said, breathing heavily as he pushed his cock further into her asshole. “If it’s £20 to suck your tits, and £50 to screw you, then I guess it’s £100 to fuck your ass, right?”
I had never had anal sex with my wife, although I knew she had done it with other men before we were married. I came closer and was about to stop him doing it, but almost immediately her screams of discomfort became moans of pleasure. The man’s cock was well lubricated from her wet pussy and he didn’t have much trouble sticking it in all the way. My cock began to twitch as I watched her being taken from behind, a complete stranger pummelling his massive prick into her asshole, as she moaned and begged him not to stop. Suzy reached over and grabbed my cock, pulling me to the other side of the table, so that I was facing her. She raised herself slightly on her elbows and enveloped my erection in her mouth, sucking me off as the man behind her gripped her by the hips and shoved himself deeper inside her.
With her hand moving up and down the base of my shaft, she licked and sucked my cock until it exploded in her mouth. What she couldn’t swallow ended up dribbling down her mouth and splashing on her tits, which were swaying back and forth to the rhythm of the pounding she was getting from behind. I reached down and rubbed my come all over her lovely tits as the man began to pump faster and faster in and out of her ass and she started to come.
“I love you,” I said to her. “You filthy whore. ”
“Ooooh… God… Yes… I’m a dirty filthy whore… Oooh. Fuck me harder… Oooh… Yes… Come in my ass… Yes… Yes!!…. Yes!!!!”
She let out one final scream as the man released his load into her ass, and left her lying on the table. I could tell that Suzy was fully satisfied at last and was glad to see that no one else came forward wanting to fuck her. Either they had already jerked off or they didn’t have the necessary money with them. When she had put her clothes back on, we were about to leave when the barman called her over.
“Jesus,” he said. “The agency done a fine job this time. Most of the girls we get don’t even take their knickers off. They only go topless. You’re welcome back here anytime, darling. ”
“I’ll think about it,” she replied, then took my arm in hers as we headed for the door.
The End... |
Title: 50 Shades of Beech Mountain--Chapter 20
Tags: True Story, BDSM, Bi-sexual, Bondage and restriction, Consensual Sex, Domination/submission, Erotica, Female Domination, Female/Female, Oral Sex
Introduction:
Sandra and Connie finally Bond
Content:
50 Shades of Beech Mountain --Chap 20
As I have stated earlier--BDSM is not for everyone.
You may want to skip these “Shades of Beech Mountain" chapters entirely or may choose to read just out of curiosity.
You will certainly pick up on what tips and tricks you may want to add to your own lifestyle.
At times these chapters delve into the craft of BDSM and the associated fetishes and lifestyle they encompass. If I tend to dwell on a certain fetish or character(s), it’s because of a need to explain a particular effect it has on the ones involved.
I woke just after 6:15am with Connie curled up beside me.... her muscular thigh thrown across my half hard cock and her arm hugged to my waist.
I raised my head and glanced for the others, but they were gone. My cock was telling me it had to pee and I better hurry. I could also smell my Mr Coffee that brewed each morning at 6 am.
Nuzzling to Connie’s face I gave her the lightest possible kiss on her forehead as I tried to remove her thigh. Quietly making my way from bed I relieved myself and washed face and shaved quickly. I had my shower taken and was dressing when she finally rolled over and smiled.
“ You sure like to get up early.”
“ I’ve always liked this time of morning Connie-so quiet and peaceful before the gym downstairs cranks up.”
“ Guess there won’t be much wake up sex then huh?”
“ Not unless it’s Sunday morning. It’s the one day I usually catch up on all the lost sleep of the week. I will bring coffee back to bed and read and just be lazy as possible till noon sometimes. I can usually find the time in the afternoons for a power nap so I don’t get worn out.”
I stepped to my kitchen and fixed Connie a cup of coffee also, black with heavy sugar.
She eat up being spoiled so early in the day but I didn’t mind at all.
We both had plans today and needed to be at our best. The gym was still quiet as I made my way downstairs to my office. Connie had stepped into the shower saying she would catch up soon.
Sandra had no doubt taken Donna back to her condo in town where her sister Shannon had stayed. I was just finishing my second cup of coffee when I heard the front doors being unlocked.
I could already tell by the walk it was Donna. I stepped to poke my head outside my door and motioned her my way. She had the large bag of our favorite - McDonald’s biscuits!
“Good morning Sir! I forgot to ask what Ms Connie liked in the way of breakfast, so I took a chance and just got two of everything. Steak with or without eggs--sausage--with or without eggs, McMuffins and strawberry jam too.”
I chose a steak and egg biscuit and she took my cup back upstairs for a refill and to see Connie.
They both returned giggling and sat in the chairs in front of my desk as we ate.
“ Sandra and Shannon will no doubt be here soon, so we need to get her and the twins up to speed with our plans. I will leave most of this to you Donna, since Connie has laid out the rules for you and the girls. You are second below her in the management of my new enterprise.
It will be your responsibility to see that the gym is covered with at least two of you at all times while the others help decorate and get our little dungeon up and running.”
“Dano - I’d like to spend awhile down here with Donna and get a feel for the place--just in case I’m ever needed here. I can already do a respectable massage, and mixing the various juices would round me out.”
I agreed with Connie and said I could manage upstairs and could always grab the twins if I needed them.
“Keep Shannon with you two also and fill in the gaps with some on the job training.”
Like clockwork we heard the doors again and it was the twins judging by the giggles we overheard. Donna called them back and handed out breakfast biscuits while briefing them on the days plans. They all grabbed their drinks and headed up front to open up while I checked my balance online at my bank.
I was still in the black by several thousand dollars and the 5K ‘loan’ I received from Sandra would carry me through the final purchases I would make. While online I ordered more things we would need to start up the dungeon.
By nine am I was back upstairs and relaxing with the last of my coffee as I sat looking out the big den window. Light snow was steadily falling and I turned on the TV to the weather channel for the current forecast.
Moderate winds and steady snowfall with 6-8 more inches were forecast for the day, ending about 4 pm. The thing I had noticed most while here was the worse the weather got, the more members showed up at the gym.
I walked back down and found Donna and Connie. I passed the weather info to them and my prediction for a heavier than normal turnout for the day. They both nodded in agreement and had the twins running all over trying to prepare, doubling up on towels and drinking cups and bagging some ice so the ice maker could refill to the top.
It was ten am sharp when the UPS guy delivered more equipment for my place upstairs. I had the twins take it up and place it where I wanted. Sandra and Shannon came in and saw the place a flurry of activity.
As Donna gave them juice and biscuits she took charge and reported everything we had talked about that morning. I was upstairs in the dungeon when Sandra found me.
“ Looks as if you are all set to open soon.”
“ I’m shooting for tomorrow if everything goes as planned. My idea is to solicit a few members personally today and let word of mouth spread about this place quietly.”
“Oh I seriously doubt if it will be done quietly--unless you make it a point that they be discreet.”
“Leave it to me Sandra. I want it advertised as a ‘playroom’ instead of a dungeon till we get a dozen or so members who will appreciate what we’re offering. Once they see inside--I’m certain we will sign members quickly.”
She helped me setup the St. Andrew’s Cross, with all the buckles--leather and chains first. I had bolted two large two by sixes to the back wall close to my restraint table. I attached the cross to those anchors.
She insisted on trying it out to make sure it was sturdy. I faced her towards me and attached both her wrists then her ankles to the shackles. Grinning--she wiggled and squirmed sexily testing the heavy supports I had anchored to the wall with six inch wood screws.
I let her have her fun as I tested a leather riding crop lightly on her crotch--slapping her clit lightly to torment her. The tight spandex yoga leotard she wore was black and very thin. I used the crop to slap at her spread eagled inner thighs-making her moan in pleasure.
“You wanna unbuckle my ankles and slide my yoga pants off Dano?” she said with a devilish grin.
I was about to oblige her when Connie walked in carrying a gym bag.
“Oh-- I’m soo sorry...am I interrupting ?”
“ Sandra insisted on trying out the cross as our first customer Connie.”
Connie smiled and stopped long enough to turn the dead bolt lock on the door so we wouldn’t be disturbed. Opening the gym bag she first took out a couple of red hair bands and secured hers and Sandra’s long black hair up high in a ponytail. Her ample boobs were rubbing against Sandra’s as she spoke.
“In here -- I’m in charge...if I’m not here Donna is in charge..are you clear on that?” Sandra’s voice lustily answered she was happy with the arrangement.
Connie then squatted to unshackle Sandra’s ankles and peel the skin tight leotard off. It was a tube type with no straps that she easily rolled to her ankles.
As Connie stood--she removed her tight mini skirt and tee as well. I eased into the only place available--the leather covered restraint table to observe.
Connie reached to the bag again and produced two adjustable nipple clamps. Sandra’s eyes went wide as she watched Connie attach them with just enough pressure to hold them onto her rock hard nipples.
“They are set on the low setting to begin, but I’ll slowly turn the screws to see what your pain threshold is.” Connie frenched Sandra’s pouty mouth as she turned the screws slowly. Sandra moaned as her tongue danced with Connie’s.
Connie backed off a foot and slowly slid onto her knees.
She blew her warm breath onto Sandra’s erect clit, making her moan louder. Her labia had already flowered open and glistened with her juices. She hunched her hips lewdly trying for any sort of contact. Connie’s long tongue snaked between the folds to lick her slowly and circle her throbbing clit.
I stood and walked three steps to tighten the nipple clamps another notch. Sandra came up on her tip toes as she moaned like a whore. I too frenched her as Connie attacked her helpless pussy. Her hands went around to cup Sandra’s ass cheeks and pull her onto her stiff tongue--impaling her.
Sandra could take no more as she wailed-- “I-I’m gonna cum!!” Connie immediately ceased and stood as I backed away. Again she went into the bag and out came her “FeelDoe” double headed vibrating dildo. It was especially curved so two women could fuck each other with it.
She slipped one end into her slick pussy and rubbed the other end up and down Sandra’s tormented sex. Finally she slipped a single inch inside Sandra and removed the nipple clamps.
Sucking each nipple in turn--Connie fucked the dildo up into Sandra an inch at a time. The poor woman was going insane with pleasure it seemed, moaning and begging Connie to fuck her hard.
This made Connie smile, and fuck her even slower. I lit a couple of red candles and dimmed the overhead lights to their lowest setting. The room seemed to transform into a darkly lit cavern.
Connie asked me to unshackle Sandra’s ankles.
As I did Connie hooked her elbow under the back of a knee and drove the dildo deeply into her soaked tunnel. Their nipples were crushed against each other as she hooked the other knee and slammed the remainder of the 8 inch dildo to grind their clits together. She had Sandra totally pinned against the cross and began to fuck her senseless.
After only a few minutes both were moaning heavily and I sensed their orgasms approaching quickly. I moved to their side with the candles--their glass each full of melted wax.
As they screamed in unison, I poured the silky wax between each of their mashed breasts.
It ran all the way to their pubic mounds as they bucked and thrust at each others sex-- moaning loudly.
My poor cock was like stone--but this wasn’t my show just yet, as these two needed some time to bond. My turn would come in time. It had been only forty five minutes since we had begun and both were dripping in sweat from a single explosive orgasm from each because of the tempo set by Connie.
I helped unshackle Sandra and we lay her on her back on the restraint table. Connie slowly peeled the wax from both of them, dropping the flakes into a jar for later re-melting uses. I helped them both to the shower in my bed room for a quick clean up. They were all smiles as we made our way back downstairs.
Although it’s very short--this chapter helps connect the dots to much more intense sessions both I and all the girls have cumming up!
~~~
Josie's First Client-- Ophelia , a 31 year old single accountant
I left work early one afternoon and went for a free workout at a local health gym. I’d been told it was an ‘all female’ gym.
A very healthy young lady named Josie introduced herself when I walked in. She was one of the personal trainers
and the assistant manager. She asked me a few questions then offered to give me a tour.
It was a very nice well-maintained gym with all the right equipment.
The women working out all looked great in their body suits and T-shirts.
Josie stopped and introduced me to a few of the regulars. They were all friendly and seemed pleased to meet me.
I was getting to like the place very much. We went though the pool area and I began to notice that quite a few of the women were not wearing any swim
suits. I am a fairly modest person but I figured since it was women-only, there was no harm.
As we walked past the steam room Josie pointed it out. I looked in through the fogged glass and got the shock of my life.
Inside were five or six woman, it was hard to say exactly how many since their bodies were so intertwined and the window was fogged. I just gasped.
I wasn't sure if I should report what I had seen or just keep my mouth shut. Josie called to me to come and see the aerobics room.
I walked over in silence. I didn't say anything for the rest of the tour.
We finished by going to a small office the staff used to talk to potential new members.
Josie sat on a high stool and I sat on a very soft couch that put my head about eye level with her crotch.
For the first time I really looked at her. She is about 22 and has a dancer's body. Her waist is very small and her
breast while not small are very firm and I could see her erect nipples though the tight tank top she was wearing.
I couldn't believe this young woman was making me get excited in a way only a few men in my life had ever
done. Josie began to talk about the different packages available for membership. All I could do was let
my eyes scan from her breasts to the V in her shorts.
As she moved around on her stool her shorts became tighter and tighter in her crotch until I could plainly
see the outline of her pussy mound as the seam in her shorts pulled tight and separated her slit.
I guess I was breathing hard and my face was flush because Josie asked me if I was all right. I quickly looked up into her eyes and assured her I was fine, just a little warm. I stood up quickly to take off my jacket.
In the small office I ended up standing right between Josie’s spread legs. My breasts were heaving and my nipples could plainly be seen though my blouse and bra. My hard nipples were exactly eye level for her as she sat on her stool.
Josie looked at my breasts then she looked up into my eyes. A wicked sexy smile spread rapidly.
"This gym is quite special. We have only women clients and as personal trainers we offer help in many
areas. We can help you lose weight and get into great shape. We also can suck your pussy till you scream you
can't take it any more!"
I stopped and looked at her hard-- and she looked at me Her lips parted slightly and I could see her tongue dart across her lips.
I came for the first time that day at that moment.
She then began to slowly massage her own breast. Her nipples we standing out a quarter of an inch. She pulled and pinched them both though the material of her tank top.
Josie smiled at me as I gasped, then leaned forward and nuzzled her face in my breast like a small child.
My legs went limp and we both sank into the sofa.
She knew every pleasure center on a woman's body. She sucked my nipples until they were red then she attacked my pussy with abandon.
I had the most intense orgasms that day than I ever had in my life--and the first multiples!
After she was finished with me I offered to return the favor if she would talk me through what I need to do.
I didn't need much tutoring .. making love to a woman comes naturally to another woman -- really.
About that time a mirror image of Josie walked through --completely naked.
“ Ophelia this is my twin sister --Jan and she’ll be helping with your training.”
Needless to say I signed up for membership immediately!!
:)~~~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ |
Title: 50 Shades Of Beech Mountain Chap 18
Tags: True Story, BDSM, Bi-sexual, Consensual Sex, Domination/submission, Erotica, massage, Young
Introduction:
In Knoxville Again
Content:
50 Shades of Beech Mountain Chap 18
The twins woke me with smells of hot coffee and something cooking in my kitchen. I woke with my usual morning wood and used the bathroom to take care of that and grab a quick shower.
It was only 6:30am and the sun had yet to peek over the mountaintops.
Jan stuck her head inside the shower. I had just soaped up my cock and balls.
“ Sir--your breakfast is waiting for you. OMG it’s soo pretty!”
I think I blushed a bit but I threw my washcloth at her just barely missing as she giggled and left.
I dressed casual in my jogging pants and tank top. I had no kitchen table to speak of--just a bar with a few stools and I would never eat there. I sat on my big couch and Jan brought me the steaming cup of coffee.
“I’ll be eating right here” I said.
The rather long knee high coffee table that was in front of the couch was the perfect breakfast area as it would allow enough space for all to eat together.
Within minutes a large platter appeared with a half dozen eggs over medium - a dozen bacon strips that had been cooked rather crispy -- biscuits that looked delicious and a bowl of dark brown gravy.
I had not eaten a home breakfast like this in a couple years, only at Waffle House or Dennys.
A good southern home breakfast. Mmmm.
There was a jar of apple butter and some of the soft type butter spread also for a dessert.
“This is really a surprise ladies, I had no clue you were such good cooks.”
I was eating like a king, and they both seemed very pleased that they had made me happy.
“Our Mom taught us both how to cook Sir. We can do a killer fried chicken and also potato salad.” Josie said as she blushes and bit at her lower lip.. Soo sexy.
“I made the gravy from the bacon dripping’s Dano. It isn’t too dark is it?” Jan smiled.
Jan was ever curious to what I thought. It’s how I could tell them apart.
They ate like birds compared to me however. I cleaned my plate and had another.
This plate was about gravy and biscuits, with a couple strips of bacon crumbled over it.
An old southern meal that’s very filling.
Jan split a biscuit and lathered it’s center with butter and apple butter and lay it to the side of my coffee. I was in heaven! I might just keep them here to cook for me.
I felt some praise was deserving of them.
“I don’t think I’ve ever had a finer breakfast! Thank you both for starting my day off so well.”
They both smiled widely and said “Thank you Sir” in unison again.
Josie spoke again saying “ And we thank you Sir for the wonderful time we had last night.
We can’t wait to learn more about the craft.”
I refilled my coffee and headed down to my office as the twins cleaned up their kitchen mess.
I told them to see that the place was spotless each day before work.
Donna unlocked the front doors for our members about ten minutes early as I reached the door of my office. I could hear them but not see down the hall where I was.
I booted my computer and checked about my wire transfer..Yes it was waiting for me as soon as I could get there. That’s my first problem of the day solved. I was just about to call Sandra when a tap came at my door.
Sandra stuck her cute face inside and then entered.
“Talk about karma--I was just dialing your cell.”
She stepped to my side of the desk and leaned down and frenched me like a teenager.
“What’s that for?” I asked smiling.
“You are a kinky ass man..Donna almost put me in the hospital I cum so much last night.
Took a half hour to peel all the wax off me. She said you told her to do it!”
I laughed loudly as she grinned and sat down.
“How long till we leave for Knoxville?” I asked.
“I filed our flight plan on the way up here. We can leave as soon as you are ready.”
“Good--Let’s get there ASAP --I have to chase down Connie and most likely your manager Cathy will want the massage I canceled on last time there. I can be ready in fifteen minutes or less.”
“OK--I’ll get the paperwork and some cash and we can leave.”
“I’ll need you to run me by the Western Union to pick up some cash as well.”
“Dano--You make me so mad! Why don’t you tell me when you are low on cash? I keep over twenty thousand dollars in my safe at home, and there’s probably eight to ten thousand here in wall safes.
When you need fucking money--just ask!! You’ve saved me thousands in just the last few days because of your idea’s. I can always advance you a few months pay if you want it. ”
I dropped my eye contact with her a moment while I chose my words.
“Sandra please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve been on my own now for several years.
I’m accustomed to a certain style of handling my expenses and I’ve had no one financially to look after but myself.
I have a few plans and can handle my end of this. It’s just taking a bit more money that I had set aside for unexpected cash flow problems.
I appreciate your offer and I’ll certainly ask if I get in over my head.”
“How much did you take out of your savings Dano? Please don’t mess up any CD’s or whatever you do with your money. Let me help when I can.”
“ I cashed out a five thousand dollar CD that was already matured and just sitting there drawing interest. I have several more so don’t sweat it.
Thank you for your kind offer. I won’t cash out any more...I’ll come to you.”
“Great, now let’s get in the air in thirty minutes. Go get your Jethro bag and your Black Label and meet me up front. I have a couple of calls to make.”
I smiled and took off upstairs to grab my gear. I was happy to get her calmed down.
I hurried back down and put my bag in her Hummer. I went back in to the juice bar and sat to wait on Sandra as Jan worked the bar. She came to me and leaned over the bar to peck me on the cheek with a soft kiss.
“Thank you again Sir for the incredible sex last night. I had five orgasms riding your cock. That’s the most I ever had at one time. The hot wax on my breasts and pussy felt sooo good Sir.
We are yours and beg to be taught more about the craft.”
I smiled and gave her one of my cards.
“You call me if anything comes up while Sandra and I are gone.
Donna has her hands full with the business end of this place.
We are expanding and building the guys a separate workout gym beside this place.
Memberships will likely double so talk your pretty asses off and make some bonuses signing up new members.”
Jan gave a little squeal as Sandra came up the hall to leave.
“Sir--there’s something I wish to say to you if I may have permission to speak freely.”
I gave her a nod yes. This was something new for me.
Neither twin had ever came out so bold before.
“Josie and I have the same feelings. We love you and want to take care of you.
Live with you if you’ll have us. We will be your servants.
You would want for nothing Sir.
All we ask is that you teach us all you know about the craft.”
I was speechless for a moment. Sandra had almost made it to the door when a member stopped her and began talking. It gave me the time to form an answer.
“Jan I appreciate that kind offer. Let me think on it awhile. I’m used to living alone.”
“Yes Sir. She smiled-- turned and began taking an order at the juice bar.
Sandra finally got away from the guy talking and we made our way the few miles to the airport.
Within 10 minutes she had the planes engines warmed and we took off a couple of hours ahead of what we had planned.
Our take off elevation was about thirty seven hundred feet and we climbed quickly to sixty eight hundred feet and leveled out.
Sandra put the auto pilot on and reached behind us and pulled a huge thermos from a bag. She had brewed us a large amount of rich Columbian coffee.
I did the honors and grabbed the two cups she had packed also. We sat back to enjoy the view and drink our coffee.
“So my very skilled and kinky business consultant, when were you gonna tell me about all this BDSM thing and fetishes and being a Master at it?” She gave a sly grin as she spoke.
I could tell she was very interested in my answer. I sipped my steaming coffee slowly and spoke slowly so she would not miss a word.
“It really never came up till I met Connie.
I haven’t been active in the craft in several years now.
Connie is a young Dominatrix, an Alpha female -- Donna has a touch of it also.”
I let that sink in as I sipped more coffee.
“She’s not even aware of what she is. When we were together, she changed and was a completely different lady than the one you met at the gym.
We can use this to our advantage and make some serious money with her talents once I train her how to use them.”
Sandra seemed speechless at that statement, but I continued.
“This is why I need the cash. I want to make some changes to the unused bedroom in your condo I use at Beech. It will resemble a “playroom” or dungeon where all the “kinky stuff” will take place.
I need your permission I suppose because the changes I make will mostly be permanent.”
Sandra smiled and leaned over and kissed me softly, using both hands to hold my face and prolong the kiss. We parted she appeared that she might tear up and cry. She had a hanky in her leather jacket and wiped her eyes. What had I said to make her want to cry?
Sandra composed herself and turned sideways in her seat to face me.
“Tell me about this idea Dano because I have a little surprise for you.”
I got a little nervous on that statement so I used my male influence to drag her surprise out first.
“There’s a lot of “if’s and maybe’s” in what I would choose to do with this room.
It would all be legal--barely. It will help me decide if I knew your surprise first.”
Sandra smiled and began. “I’ve given the girl’s and Donna--Debra excellent bonuses for their loyalty and hard work. Even I can see none of this would have happened if you and I had not met.
You have more common sense than five guys together.
You think “out of the box” and can come up with idea’s that just make too much damn sense!”
I could not help myself, and broke into a laugh. I refilled our coffee cups as she continued.
“I was going to wait till we could all get together to do this, but your plans have changed my plans. I own the place at Beech free and clear.
Donna will continue for a week or so till she starts working with you.
I guess I’ll give the twins a shared manager’s position along with a healthy raise.”
“I have the utmost confidence they can do you a fine job there Sandra.”
That would take care of the problem of wanting to live with me I remembered.
A lot of the plans would change if what I had planned worked.
“ I have the paperwork in my desk at home.
When we return, you and I have will sign those papers giving you ownership of the condo--free and clear.
It can be your home away from home the way you move around so much.”
I sat there feeling as if I’d been bitch slapped with a bagful of thousand dollar bills. :>)
“Our twins can keep it clean when you are not there.
You can change the locks and do anything you please with the condo.”
“It’s my gift to you for all the money you have made and saved me with your idea’s.”
It’s worth sixty seven thousand dollars by the county tax accessors. It’s on your dime to pay those taxes.Your water and power are free because it’s all on one bill.”
“The bottom half is separate because it’s a business and worth three times that. If in time I do franchise these places, it won’t affect you living there. If you decide to move on and want to sell it, tell me and I’ll buy it back at the fair market price.”
Sandra settled back into her seat and put her headset back on. She motioned for me to put mine on. I heard her say very low and sexy--
“I love you Dano and this is just one way I show it. It would be easy to fall in love with you, but it would kill your independent spirit.
You could never be faithful to one woman and I know this.
Just accept my thanks and love and enjoy your gift..You earned it.”
No one had ever been this nice to me, ever.It really touched my heart.
We were dropping down into Knoxville and we both became alert. Her landing was flawless and our ride to the gym was short. I called Connie on my cell and told her to meet us at the gym and bring a change of workout clothes.
We arrived and Cathy was very busy at that hour. About sixty to seventy five members were in there. We exchanged hello’s and I took off to my office where the table was and immediately turned on the hot stone heater. Someone had put a fresh sheet on the table for me also.
I was changing into my gym attire when Connie and Cathy walked into the room unannounced. I had just pulled my wife beater t shirt on and had my camo shorts ready to step into them and pull them up.
They both stopped dead, seeing me standing there half naked. It didn’t bother me in the least.
I’ve been around naked people all my adult life. I assume it was my thick cock that had their attention. Both looked at me hard and then each other and smiled. I smiled back and slowly slid my camo shorts up and walked over to them.
By then I had grown a respectable bulge in the thin shorts and no underwear on.
“Ladies, this is my office--so my rules. The number one rule is to respect others privacy.
In the coming days, what if I had a member in here naked giving a massage and you just walked in the way you did a moment ago?” I could see both blushing slightly as Cathy quickly apologized.
“So sorry Dano--we were not thinking, as we were talking about Connie’s working hours here when this gets going. It won’t happen again.
I’ll see that a sign is put on the door if a massage is in session and DO NOT ENTER .
Sandra and one of my assistant manager’s has the place covered for now.”
“Thank you Cathy. That will be a relief to know. I would not wish to put a lock on the door.”
I had the girls sit at the desk while I grabbed one of my forms for Cathy to fill out. She wrote quickly as Connie winked at me sexily. .
“How about you girls changing for this massage?”
“Connie will observe and assist today Cathy as she will be working here when I’m not around. To be fair-the ladies doing this at Beech are making $450 a week plus tips , so Connie begins there as a salary.”
“Fine Dano.”
Connie stood-- pulled up her tote bag and went to my large restroom to change.
She was gone less than five minutes and came back in very short and baggy gym shorts and a very tight tank top.
It set off her “Amazon” type figure well. She was five foot nine on her bare feet and weighed close to 145pounds. She wasn’t fat anywhere, just a large woman. A true “Alpha Female.”
Cathy finished my form and I took the proper time and used my pin to point out to Connie the area’s to check closely. Cathy was in very good shape with an hourglass figure.
Her form said she was five foot five inches and one hundred and twenty two pounds.
She has had no serious back--neck or leg injuries. Never had a broken bone. Never been hospitalized except for one childbirth eight years ago.
She was divorced and had shared custody she had put in the form.
“Cathy it’s time for your freebie.. You may get ready in the restroom. Here’s beach towels or sheets. I need your bra off but you may keep your panties on if you are shy.
You wrap which ever you choose so the opening centers in the front.
I want you tummy down first”
Cathy smiled and grabbed a beach towel to drape with body with and went to change.
I spoke seriously to Connie as she prepared. Connie looked so damn sexy I wanted to jump her bones right there. But playtime would come soon.
“Connie you watch every move I make. You stand on the opposite side and repeat my moves exactly. Careful with how much pressure you use too.
If this massage goes “Erotic” just follow my lead.”
She grinned real big and licked her sensuous lips. God she was sexy!
Cathy came back and lay tummy down on the table. I put coconut oil on my hands and squirted Connie’s palm full also.
Connie moved to the opposite side and watched as I bent Cathy’s knee at about forty five degrees and massaged the oil onto and in between the toes. Connie repeated the moves perfectly.
Working her calves-I nodded to her to watch me divide the muscle. She did likewise very well. We moved to Cindy’s thighs and re-oiled. Dividing the larger muscle brought moans of pleasure from Cindy, whose upper thigh’s had spread enough to see she lacked panties. She kept a shaved labia.
Her labia was opening, but not fully yet. As we oiled and massaged her inner thighs her legs spread even more, leaving no room for the imagination. Her labia lips blossomed visibly open with a wet trickle of fluid rolling down across her clit.
I worked my fingers into her inner thigh as she moaned her approval. Connie’s fingers were a mirror of mine. Cindy’s thigh’s trembled slightly from the double treatment she felt.
I toweled off my oily hands and handed it to Connie as I got out several stones and lay on Connie’s side of the table.
I removed a handful for me to use also. Connie caught my drift quickly and followed on the opposite side. Cathy’s moaning increased. I began at her calve with the smaller stones , increasing in size as I made my way to the top of her thighs.
We overlooked her ass cheeks for the moment and re-oiled our hands. I began at her spinal column and walked my fingers down the right side of her spine as Connie did the left. I could find no calcium deposits as this was a very active and fit manager it would seem. We worked all the way to the L-5 before stopping.
Toweling the excess oil from our hands again, I placed the stones down the center of the spine as Connie observed. I saved the larger stones for her ass cheeks. I had Connie remove the stones from her legs back to the heater. I directed Connie to repeat the leg massage again without the oil.
She did a very nice job on her own this time. I was only now beginning to see Connie’s ability to pick up on this type of work. She put her own moves into what I had shown her, and with positive moans from Cathy, I was certain Connie would be a great asset for the gym.
As I massaged my open palms into Cindy’s ass cheek--Connie moved quickly to repeat my moves. Cindy’s purrs and grunts let us know she approved of the attention her ass was receiving.
I let my oiled two middle fingers slip into her crease at the top and Cindy’s ass came off the table slightly rolling . I used the largest of my stones to massage each ass cheek a bright pink.
Connie was more bold, and used her two fingers from her labia all the way to her pink anus. It winked it’s appreciation as Connie massaged the muscle in circles. I pushed lightly to get Cindy prone again or risk losing the stones on her back.
I removed the stones from Cindy’s back and rolled her to face up. I mixed a double Jack and had Connie work the front alone--to see how she would do without instruction. I sat facing them and enjoyed the looks I got from Connie’s sexy eyes. She did a fine job as well as I could tell judging from Cindy’s smiles and moans.
I finished my drink and stood beside them again and oiled my hands. I gave her the facial treatment around the eyes and forehead-then her neck and clavicle area(collarbone). My hands continued down between her breasts. I folded the towel neatly to a point at her pubic bone exposing her breasts and tummy. The neatly folded towel covered only her vagina now.
I had Connie re-oil and together we massaged Cindy’s arms and fingers quickly. Her sides and tummy followed. I did a circular kneading of her tummy and had Connie to repeat the move.
I slowly slid my open palm under the swell of Cindy’s breast, almost cupping it. Connie wasted no time in repeating the move. I then went all the way around the orb and gently began to knead the pliant tissue.
Cindy was in heaven, arching her breasts into our hands. My first two fingers split as I looked at Connie--then let them trap the hard nipple between them and squeeze the entire breast. I let my right hand slide down to her tummy and make circles again as Cindy groaned in approval.
“Dano- You two are making me so horny with those hands!”
“Oh--Well we have an Erotic Massage also if you wish it -- It‘s a little more personal than a regular one.”
“Please--yes!”
I smiled at her like it happened daily, which it usually did. I leaned down and circled her nipple with my long tongue--then sucked it to feed a moment.
Connie leaned down and kissed my cheek first--then sucked Cindy’s breast like she was starving. Poor Cindy could not handle the double pleasure and her hands came around our heads to hold us in place. Her thighs splayed open, and the towel slid off exposing her slick pubic mound.
My free hand slipped down and my two middle fingers found her wet clit and rolled it in circles as her ass left the table. Connie did not wait for instructions or invitation-- She kissed Cindy deeply with tongue as she moaned and wiggled under our assault.
Things began to heat up quickly as my fingers dipped inside Cindy’s tight folds. I used my two middle fingers to probe her tightness and decided a hot stone would do the trick. I had one that was the size of a silver dollar-but thick and had a rounded point on one end.
I placed the point on Cathy’s clit and drew circles with it. I heard her moaning as Connie was giving her nipples a workout. I was getting alot of juices flowing freely now so I returned the stone to the heater and concentrated on Cathy’s swelled clit with my stiff tongue.
“ I’m C-Cu-Cummmingg!!!” Cathy suddenly screamed as her ass rolled around in my face. She tried to squirt, but just leaked a copious amount of fluids onto the sheet.
I sucked all I could as her body convulsed and shook from the intensity of her climax.
I hooked my two middle fingers inside behind her clit and pressed--she squirted very hard then spraying cum all over my face and neck.
I rolled her as she moaned and kicked. Pulling her down the table --my stone hard cock inches away. I grabbed her hips and turned her into a doggy position. Her labia flowered open in an invitation to visit the deep pink interior of her soaked pussy, still convulsing in orgasms.
My cock has a mind of it’s own. It felt like it was a magnet being pulled toward those open thighs. I slapped the wide head of my cock on her open lips and erect clit as she begged me to fuck her.
“Pl--Please Dano--I can’t stop cummingg!! Fuck Meeee! pleaseee!!”
I’d never heard a woman beg for it in such a passionate way. I lodged my cock inside her outer lips while standing behind her, inch fucking my thick shaft a little at a time as Connie kept her mouth on Cathy’s lips--breasts , neck just anywhere she could find.
A true Dominatrix will go either way in search of a sexual meal. Connie had proven to be just that. I was sort of proud that I brought her into bloom.
My cock slowly filled Cathy’s tight pussy to the top, and she backed up on me trying to get the last couple of inches in. I spanked both ass cheeks pretty hard to regain control of this bucking orgasmic wonder. Grabbing a handful of hair I pulled her up so her ear was near my face.
“You wanted this so stop fighting me and relax--Here’s what you want!”
I pushed very hard with my cock, and all seven and a half inches disappeared and my balls were slapping her clit on every stroke.
Cindy screamed as I bumped her cervix a few times. She was cumming in waves, one mixing with the next. I had her arms folded back and holding them to keep her in position.
I could feel her strength leaving with each orgasm. I felt the tingle behind my prostrate signaling my orgasm was imminent. I looked up to see Connie had climbed the table and spread her thighs wide.
Cathy was licking her clit and labia as Connie held her head in her hands.
Connie stared straight at me as our orgasms peaked.
I saw she was smiling that devilish look--like the cat who just swallowed the canary.
My cock swelled and I nodded and said
“Here it comes! Cum with me please!”
I came up on tip toes as this orgasm raced along the length of my cock and shot deeply into Cathy’s hot pussy.
My whole pelvic area felt this and fluttered with extreme pleasure.
Connie screamed she was cumming also, Cathy sucked and swallowed much of the cum that squirted from Connie’s pussy.
It was a free for all on who cum the hardest--the most or the longest.
Poor Cathy collapsed flat--falling forward off my cock, a long string of cum between us.
I smiled at Connie and patted Cathy on the ass.... but she didn’t respond.
She was out cold for the moment.
Connie got off the table with trembling thighs and made her way to me.
I was barely standing and in need of something to drink.
Connie saw my deflating cock and went to her knees, catching the head in her mouth and sucking it very hard.
After three or four good strokes with hollowed cheeks she came back up to stand with a smile.
“Damn that’s good Mister. Never waste cum I always say!”
I pulled her close and hugged her, knowing I had made a friend for life.
I sent her to the fridge for bottled waters as I rolled Cathy to her back.
I used a towel to mop the sweat from her brow and face.
Her eyes opened and she had a smile on her face.
“God Dano--That was the best sex I ever experienced! I lost count of my orgasms. I normally cum only once.”
“Well Cathy you can put this one in the abnormal column. Has the Sybian been delivered yet?”
“Yes---I think so. Some guy from UPS brought a box in yesterday. I had him put it over there.”
Sure enough it was in the corner where no one would stumble on it. I would unpack it and set it up later.
Connie dressed after a bit and helped Cindy also. A bond formed between those two also.
I sat at my desk and wrote out a massage plan for Connie just in case she needed refreshing on the order of the massage. This would be where she worked when I wasn’t here.
It was about ten minutes and Connie came back. She seemed to melt into the chair near mine.
“That was pretty smooth the way you moved Cindy into the Erotic mode Dano.”
“I just gave the client what she asked for Connie.
The sex was a private matter between consenting adults.”
“ALWAYS remember that sentence just in case some undercover someone comes in.”
“I get that--It’s really stepping between the raindrops huh?”
“I see nothing wrong with it myself. They are actually paying for the massage--not the sex. Please--go to the corner there and open my box up and unpack our new “friend.”
Connie made her way over and had the box open in minutes. The twenty two pound saddle was a handful even for her. When she saw the different attachments she got the idea.
“Wow! I’ve heard of these things. Bet it was expensive.”
Her hands were a blur unwrapping a seven inch life like dildo.
“Put the white stem in the bottom of the dildo and leave about an inch sticking out..then the whole thing plugs into that hole in top of the saddle.”
Connie did as told and plugged it in. This wasn’t rocket science.
She picked up the dual control box and hit the on switches.
Turning first the rotation knob to twelve o’clock the dildo oscillated in tight circles. She looked at me with a big grin. Next came the vibration knob to the same position. It hummed away as Connie’s eyes rolled toward me.
“When do I get a ride Dano?” I felt generous and was wanting to impress her anyway.
“Well you can ride it anytime you like Connie--that one is yours as a sign on bonus.
I’ll have Sandra order another for here.”
Connie’s jaw dropped and I thought I was in trouble.
She nearly ran into me and slid down to her knees and hugged me tightly.
She was kissing me passionately with plenty of tongue. She forced my knees apart so as to get closer and increase the pressure of the hug.
“Since we’ve met all sorts of nice things have happened to mee.”
I pushed her back into her chair easily and was ready to lay out my plan for us.
“It wasn’t fate that got us together Connie. I firmly believe things happen for a reason.
I’m in the process of starting something new and you’ll be a big part of it.
You are an “Alpha Female” who is used to being in control.
Your job as night manager at the motel shows you are a leader--not a follower.
The night we spent together showed me something even more important.”
I got silent and waited--let her beg for the answer.
“Well are you going to tell mee or do I have to guess you to death?”
“You are a ‘Dominatrix’ Connie.” I said laughing.
“What’s that?”
I slipped off my shoes and put my feet in her lap.
“Massage my feet for mee and I’ll explain it to you.”
She began massaging with her strong hands and done a terrific job at it.
“During our last session you let it be known in no uncertain ways what you wanted out of a sexual encounter.
I wasn’t shocked at all if you’ll remember, in fact I believe I encouraged you.
A Dominatrix is a women who takes the lead in any sexual scenario--whether it be male or female.
A true “Dom” will go either way to satisfy her sexual appetite.
You’ve proven that to me today. I have plans to use your talents.”
“How so Dano?”
“Well-besides offering the customers a good massage you’ll do just as I did today.
You wait till they are all hot and bothered and ask if they want an Erotic Massage.
This is where your biggest tips will come from.”
“We are already charging one hundred twenty five dollars for an hour of regular massage.
If it goes Erotic- you do not “charge extra”. That could get you busted for solicitation.
If the client wants to tip you however-you get to keep all of the tip.
It’s a win--win situation for you. But this is not all I have in mind for you.”
“If this job’s gonna pay that well-I’ll quit my night managers job.”
“My ladies at Beech are averaging six hundred plus a week.”
“My managers job only pays three fifty a week, so I’ll give them notice.”
“Be smart Connie, give them notice after you’ve used up all your sick days, personal days and vacation.”
“Gosh--that would take three weeks!”
“Then take them with me--at Beech Mountain. It will give you a break from here.
You’ll get to train with the others ladies and get to know them very well.”
“All I have to do is make a phone call to get the time off.”
“Now to the next idea. Have you heard of BDSM?”
“I’ve heard the term, but know nothing of it,why?”
“Here’s a brief run down of the ‘craft’ as it’s called.”
“Humans are the only species on earth that have sex for the pure enjoyment of it.”
They have sex in a variety of ways and positions.
Each individual has inside them a ‘trigger’ that gets their sex drive going--gets them rock hard if male and warm and wet if female. Gets them horny.”
“MMmmmmm--I Know.”
“The shrinks gave it a name. It’s called a ‘fetish’. It’s what turns us on sexually.
Some may have only one, while others may have several or many.
What I propose is to capitalize on others fetishes and have play rooms called ‘dungeons'.
We will make them clubs where monthly dues are collected plus a fee for their use, according to their fetish. You won't be able to walk in off the street is my point. A referral from another member is the only way in."
“They will be equipped to help you and other like minded girls make a customers fetish(s) an enjoyable experience.
These play rooms will be a bit expensive to furnish, but between Sandra and I it will certainly get done.”
“You will explore their fetish with them and seek to expand it to it’s limits and sometimes beyond. There are hundred’s of fetishes.
There will be a list of the ones we will not do, but that list is short.
You girls will be training for the fetishes almost constantly. Some can be covered with a note to you explaining it.
Others will need a hands on approach to fine tune the fetish.
I’m giving you all this information to pass on down to those at Beech Mountain. You are to be my second --the one who gets to have all the fun training our other girls.
You answer only to me--is that a problem?”
“No it isn’t Dano. Do the others know this yet?”
“No-but they will soon enough. I’ve spoken about you to the others but your role in the business so far has been to train in massage. the rest will at least double our intake of money in each place we begin this.’
Connie wrapped her arms around me and gave me the slowest most sensual kiss I’d experienced in a long while. She was panting as the kiss broke.
“When are you gonna fuck mee again Dano?”
I grinned and pulled an old joke from my mind.
“Now Connie--You know you don’t want sloppy seconds after our session with Cathy.
I’m calling Sandra now. I want to leave for Beech Mountain immediately.
You run home and pack a suitcase for at least a weeks stay.. If you need anything more--I’ll buy it.
I promise you all the sex you can handle from me and our girls once we’re there and settled in.”
Connie got another warm hug in and a wet kiss before leaving my office.
I walked to the front where Sandra was going over some paperwork.
“Well Dano--How long will we be staying this time? The guy is on his ways to discuss the blueprints and already has some contractors in mind who will do the job right.”
“I would say if we get him squared away on what we want, we can fly out before dark. Connie is coming to stay with us at least a week. She has vacation time to use.”
“That’s great! He’ll be here any time now, so stay close.”
I mingled a bit looking at the unused area’s and making notes on a clipboard. By the time the guy showed to make our plans it was pretty well drawn out on paper for him.
Sandra and he worked out a time line and ways to keep the gym open and work around the members activities as much as possible.
We could forsee maybe closing one week end to lay the carpets, but that would come last.
By the time Connie got back about ninety minutes later we were ready to depart for the airport. We took Connie’s SUV and she put it into long term parking there. By five thirty pm we were in the air headed back to North Carolina.
Things would start coming together quickly as the next few weeks passed--but that’s the next chapter! |
Title: 50 Shades Of Beech Moutain-- Chapter17
Tags: True Story, Anal, BDSM, Domination/submission, Males / Females, Spanking, Threesome, Young
Introduction:
Getting started in the BDSM Craft
Content:
50 Shades Of Beech Mountain
As this story progresses , I will delve into the craft of BDSM.
I’ll say it’s not for everyone, but there are too many possibilities out there to ignore this extremely sexual lifestyle.
I will include the link below--and I’m by no means advertising for the books. It is the best examples of what you may seek in your life.
This forty-five minute video simply can explain why so many are moved not only by curiosity, but seek an alternative to expand sexual pleasures for themselves and others.
http://watch32.com/movies-online/e-special-the-real-50-shades-of-grey-5490
The week ended suddenly as it began and Sandra and I were landing back at Beech Mountain Friday afternoon. Donna met us with Sandra’s Hummer. Warm hugs and wet kisses were exchanged and we made our way back to Sandra’s place.
“So Donna--How are the twins doing?” Sandra asked.
“They have been busy as hell love--I can’t complain about them at all--considering they only began a couple weeks ago.”
“Have the members been getting massages?” I asked.
“Oh hell yes! There is someone on the table constantly. The twins swap off the work, and I’ve even been requested to give them.”
She was grinning to see our reactions no doubt.
“And just how wild have these sessions been I wonder?” I asked.
“Actually there’s been very little sex related massage Dano--maybe a dozen out of the thirty or so we did while you two were gone. We’ve signed up eight more members too.
The twins and I have been sleeping upstairs at your place -- had a three way in your room after work last night . A four way if you include the Sybian!
I thought it better you hear it from me first.
The condo is clean as a pin with fresh sheets on the bed and I just re-stocked your kitchen with food and Black Label Jack Daniels!”
We pulled into Sandra’s condo and helped unload her stuff.. She must have bought new outfits because she had twice as many suitcases as she left with. My Miata was parked there also.
Donna explained that Josie had followed her to the condo in the Hummer and caught a cab back to the gym, so we would have a ride back.
Sandra and Donna spent a little time opening up gifts she had brought her in the bedroom as I had a double Jack. I could hear the giggles and moans but chose to let them have their time alone..It was an hour before we were back at the gym. Home at last!
The twins tackled me as soon as I was inside the door, smothering me with kisses.
I made them carry my luggage upstairs as I spoke to a couple of the members. I no sooner sat down on my couch upstairs when Sandra called.
“ I need you ready to fly to Knoxville tomorrow by noon please. I’d like to hire the people we need to get that place upgraded and you’ll need some time with Connie’s training I’m sure.
You can coordinate with the architect that will do the blueprints. We’ll have him recommend the best contractors he feels can do the job right.”
“Sounds like a plan sweetie. You rest up. No doubt you need to after being nearly half way around the world and back in a week. I have another idea brewing that concerns Shannon and others. Your sister is insatiable. She hinted she may see us soon, but I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not.”
“She’s gonna come up here, she told me cause I was having all the fun and she wanted in on it! She hinted at wanting to meet Connie. You know why?”
I laughed and filled her in about her sister’s submissive side and hung up as she laughed.
I took a long time to wind down, but shaved and put on my loosest shorts and tank top and made my way to the juice bar with another double Jack, but in my coffee cup to be discreet.
Josie was on duty and leaned over to flash her cleavage at me.
“We sure have missed you Dano. Ever since that day, the sex just gets better and better between Jan and I.”
“Well stop being so picky and branch out to others Josie. Do you two not have any guy and girl friends?”
“Yeah--but now that we have this job--we can’t show favoritism and we would rather keep our sex close knit with you--Donna and Sandra if thats OK.
Believe me when I say we had a very protective Dad. He died a couple years back and our Mom took over his business. He was a cement contractor. She has a full plate running that and we just stay out of her way”
“Well I have a couple of like minded women who you’ll be meeting soon. Shannon is Sandra’s younger sister, and Connie is in Knoxville--but I may have her here a few days for training.
I expect you two do do whatever I ask of you. I consider you two mine for the moment.”
“Yes Sir--we will.”
“ Be sure to let Jan know. This will involve more training for all of you so keep your off hours open.” She winked at me and moved on to wait on a couple members.
I called Connie’s cell and she answered immediately.
“Hi Dano!”
“Hi--Listen, I don’t have but a few minutes. What hours are you working at the Inn tomorrow?”
“I’m free this week end Dano. I get one weekend off a month.”
“ I’ll be there by 4pm tomorrow. Till then--see if you can get a few more days tagged onto your weekend..we’ll be doing some training, and I’ll need you here at Beech Mountain for it.”
“No problem Dano--I can get my shifts covered easily, coz I have sick days and vacation days
I’ve not used.”
“See you later Connie. You’re never gonna regret this move. Bye”
Next I called Sandra back to see if she could get Shannon here quickly. She assured me she could have her here tomorrow,so the plan was set.
I also told her about the twins family being in the cement business and to talk with them about pouring the foundation for the guys gym next to us.
We will meet with the architect and map out a second floor blueprint in Knoxville - fly Connie back here and hopefully Shannon would be here waiting for us.
I went over to my office and made a call to my bank about a wire transfer to Western Union so I could have more cash on hand...just in case. I had a shit-load of irons in the fire--and an idea that might become very profitable as a side venture.
Donna came in with a grin and gave me a long wet kiss. She pressed an envelope in my hand.
“This is for you lover. Your split of the massages we did while you were resting up.”
I looked inside and saw seven one hundred dollar bills.
Very nice commission for one place in one week. I slid it in my pocket as she sat in my lap and we cuddled. That returned my original investment plus a hundred..the rest would be gravy from now on.
“I sure have missed you, and the twins have also. I’m not sure what your plan is for us, but please keep me in the loop. I hate surprises that might upset me.”
“There will be a different kind of training going on Donna. The twins can run this place just fine--I can see that now. I’ll be bringing Connie and Shannon into our group for some “fetish” training that will supplement all our incomes if it works as planned.
The twins are in on this--but are unaware what’s in store for them yet.”
“Explain it so a horny Cherokee squaw can understand” she said as her hand slid up my very loose shorts leg.
Gripping the head of my semi hard cock, she squeezed it and then let go. She slipped to her knees and snatched my shorts to my ankles.
“I’m so fucking horny for you Dano! The twins are a great distraction when you are not around, but your cock scratches an itch only you can relieve. One or two orgasms just don’t do it for us anymore. Between you and the Sybian I think you have us spoiled.”
Her warm hand cupped my balls and she rolled them around as her tongue licked my cock from base to tip.
I leaned back in the chair and watched as Donna gave a truly superb blow job.
I’ve always thought of oral skills--breasts--pussies and cocks as be as individual as our fingerprints. Think about that a moment and see if you don’t agree.
No two are alike, and Donna was no exception. Her style was to suck as much cock into her throat without gagging, then slurp her way back noisily to the tip, stopping long enough to roll her tongue around the head as she lightly nibbled with her teeth on it.
Doing all this as she squeezed and rolled my balls in her hand was doing the trick for me, and it was less than three--four minutes I was pushing lightly on her forehead--her signal that I was about to cum.
I pulled her off my stone hard cock and spun her around. With her perfect ass to me--she dropped her gym shorts-- straddled my legs and lowered slowly onto my cock. She was already very wet and as she sank inch by slow inch down my shaft, her moans and growls defied description. Her long fingernails dug into my inner thighs, marking me.
Rolling her ass cheeks as she neared bottom, I slapped both cheeks hard leaving my hand prints on each orb.
“Ahhh Yesssss--I’ve really missed that cock!” she said as her ass met my crotch. I reached around to pull her into an incline so her shoulders pressed into my nipples.
She was fully impaled and happy now, and as my hands went to cup her breasts, her cunt muscles spasmed to milk my cock.
I rolled her hard nipples with my fingers as she pumped and rolled her pussy, moaning softly as her first orgasm flooded my crotch and balls. I began to spank her exposed clit slow at first, but getting a little faster as she cum. Her thighs spread extremely wide to maximize the pleasure.
“Cummmming!” and another wave shook Donna from head to toes as she ground her ass down on me. She raised straight up and began to take long strokes, squeezing my heavy balls lightly as she felt my cock expanding.
“I’m cum-iinnngg now!” I said as her strokes grew faster. She pulled up on my balls and held them close to her throbbing clit as I shot thick hot ropes of cum against her cervix.
She howled at the feelings and had yet another orgasm to mix with mine as she pounded my poor cock with her tight pussy.
I spanked her blurring ass cheeks over and over as we cum--adding to the intensity of the moment for both of us. Slowly the motion gave way to little jerks of aftershocks from both of us, and she lay back limp against my shoulders, her slick pussy still pulsating and leaking cum all over my balls.
I continued to pinch her nipples and kiss her neck while Donna’s hands went behind my neck and locked her fingers. A very intimate moment all women love is the aftershocks and cuddling with their lover. It was no different here. We frenched slowly as our breathing became almost normal again.
Slowly she eased her weight off of me and stood---both her inner thighs slick with cummi strings that slid slowly towards her knees.
“You be still Dano--I’ll be right back.”
Donna went to the rest room and I heard the water running as she cleaned up. In a minute or so she came back with a couple of warm washcloths and fresh towel and proceeded to clean me up.
She began at my sweat covered brow and stopped at my navel with one cloth , then used a fresh one to clean all around my happy cock and groin area. Drying everything throughly she returned the stuff to the rest room and came back.
Donna raided my mini fridge for a bottled water and ice cubes. She fixed my favorite Jack Daniels double over ice and we sat and glowed in the aftermath of our quickie.
I decided to lay my idea out to her before talking with Sandra, sorta to feel out what a woman’s view would be..
“It’s been a few years back Donna, but I am a past Master in the BDSM craft. Do you know what that is?”
“Sort of Dano--you mean like the whips and ball gags--nipple clamps and such?”
“It’s a damn billion dollar a year business in the U.S. alone, and my idea’s could possibly get us a large piece of that pie.”
“So whatcha got in mind?” Donna was a bit of a dominate herself--I could tell from our first encounter when she tackled me onto a couch.
“ I’m telling you all this not only to keep you informed--but to try on Sandra before I pitch the idea to her. I want you to spend the night at her place and do exactly as I ask.”
“Oh good--I need some downtime with her too. I’ve missed her almost as much as you.”
“That’s fine Donna- now we both know Sandra’s sexual stamina, so what I’ll suggest will just be another level of what she already enjoys.
BDSM is all about “fetishes”--whatever turns you on sexually--whatever fantasies you’ve had but not tried can be a fetish.
I think if we were to cater to this sexually speaking--we’ll all be happy and make a killing on other people’s fetishes.
I’d be willing to bet my money on it--and Sandra’s too if she’s smart.”
“So tell me what to do Dano.” Donna was not only hooked--she had swallowed it!
“You are mainly a “Dominate”...I’ve witnessed this side of you. You like being in control of a situation, and that’s great. We can use that to our advantage.
When you and Sandra finally get down to lovemaking--here’s what you do.
You’ll need basic items. Plenty of red candles--not the long ones, but the fat ones that have their own glass or coaster.
You are gonna learn the fine art of wax dripping. Some silk scarf’s too. You can buy these items at any Wal-Mart.”
“Oooh fuck yeah! I get it!!” I saw Donna’s eyes glaze over thinking about it. I continued.
“ Get her on the bed-couch--floor-- I’ve even done this on my massage table.
Any place you can bind her wrists with silk scarf’s.
I never use regular rope because of rope burns. We can order spools of Japanese braided bondage rope online in any color we choose.”
“You bind her wrists over her head, eat or finger her pussy--spank her clit, whatever you two do to get each other off...at the moment of orgasm, pour the melted wax onto her nipples and clit. I promise you it doesn’t burn that bad and it cools instantly.”
“ She will love this I’m almost certain. You can squat on her face as you do this and demand she swallow every drop of your cum. This is just for starters.
There are hundreds of “fetishes“ to explore, and we’ll be charging heavily to make people’s fetishes happen.”
Donna’s breathing was giving away her obvious excitement over what she fantasized doing to Sandra. She suddenly kissed me deeply and gave my cock a squeeze.
“Wait till you meet Connie-She a natural Dominatrix..and Sandra’s sister Shannon is her exact opposite--a natural Submissive. The twins are mostly submissive, but I’ll need to be with them tonight to see which is the more Dom of the two.
They’ll spend the night here with me, so I won’t get cold.” Heh Heh..“ I plan to convert one of my bedrooms upstairs into a playroom to train in.”
“Can anyone imagine the price we could charge to fuck a set of blonde twins?” Donna said smiling.
“Not just fucking them--but letting them have their way with a customer. He or she states their fetishes on paper, and we do our best to make them happen. They sign a form not holding us responsible for anything that happens, and they choose a ‘safe word’ to stop anything they don’t want.”
“Dano I think it’s an excellent idea, and I’ll do my part in convincing Sandra --as if she would say no!
I knew there was something special about you the day you took the job here.”
She reluctantly put her shorts and top back on , kissed me again and left for Sandra’s place.
I got online and ordered some of the things I was sure we would need in the coming weeks and just mainly relaxed an hour or so.
I ordered Japanese silk braided rope-three twenty five foot spools of it in red--purple---and blue. Nipple clamps--four sets.
Ball gags in three different colors.
Three leather riding crops -- four dozen of the fat candles in red--purple--and dark green.
The deeper the color--the hotter the wax is.
Four sets of the fuzzy hand cuffs that I knew would bring a laugh from the girls. Three spreader bars that I knew would come in handy. I would get the proper materials online also for a St. Andrew’s cross for my playroom.
A tap came at my door and it was Jan--all smiles as usual. I motioned her to take a seat.
“Josie said you got plans for us?” She bit at her lower lip.
“I do--you two will be spending the night with me. Donna wants to be with Sandra tonight, and it will give us the chance to get to know each other better.”
“Do we need to bring anything from home?”
“Maybe a clean change of underwear--if you can call six square inches of thong underwear.”
“What time Sir?”
I smiled and said just as soon as we closed. It was set!
It was well after dark and I had just taken a slow hot visit to the sauna. Standing under the exit shower I rinsed the sweaty beads off just as slowly and let the incredible relief of the days tension roll off me and down the drain. I made my way back up my steps to the top and heard the twins.
Seems they were always in a happy mood, and I was going to make them even happier I hoped.
“Hi girls--Have you had your evening baths?” They were sitting knee to knee on my large couch.
“Yes Sir” they answered in perfect unison.
I made myself a double Jack over ice and motioned for them to separate. I took a seat between them.
“ Tonight we will be training down a different path that neither of you has likely walked.
I’m sure you both have heard the term ‘BDSM’ before--and we will be exploring this tonight to see if you can become comfortable with it. Are there questions before we begin?”
Jan just smiled--but Josie’s hand made a little wave.
“Can I be first Dano-- I’m the oldest by five minutes.” I laughed and pinched her thigh lightly.
“I want to talk first and gauge your receptiveness to the idea. The “craft” as it’s often called has been around at least a thousand years, and yet there are no schools or diploma’s to earn.
Each is taught by a “Master or Mistress” who was in turn taught by another who passed it down.. It’s the way it’s been done for countless generations.”
I let these statements sink in as I drained my bourbon down. Both were wide--eyed and all flushed-as if excited by the new idea.
“Every person has a fetish inside them. Some may have several. A fetish is what turns you on sexually--or a fantasy you always wanted to try, but never did.
A Master or Mistress of the craft will explore these fetishes with the client and seek to expand the limits and boundaries that most will have.”
“ Being a past Master, I will pass on some instruction to you two beginning tonight.
Sandra, her younger sister Shannon , Donna, and Connie whom you’ve yet to meet also will be participating. I cannot instruct without total submission on your part.
If you cannot abide by certain rules-- you will suffer punishment by me -- Donna or Connie.
They have already shown to be Alpha females or 'Dom’s’.
I will not always be around to guide you--but one of them will be.”
“The number one rule is Respect. You always obey me with a “Yes Sir” and you do it quickly. Saying No is not permitted to a Dom or Master. You will enter into a training period of a year minimum to learn the various fetishes--beginning with your own tonight.
Tell me Jan, what turns you on sexually?”
Her cute nose cringed up and she answered quickly-- “Sex toys Sir!”
I smiled and looked to Josie--raising my eyebrows as if asking.
She responded the same “Sex toys Sir”.
But of course being twins why the fuck not?
I stood and gave them a 'come with me’ motion with two fingers. We got to my bedroom and I saw the Sybian sitting beside the bed, still plugged in. The attachments lay on the nightstand.
“O K girls-please remove all clothing and jewelry.” They quickly shed what they had on and stood side by side watching me. I lit three of the red cherry scented candles and placed them close by on the nightstand.
I let my baggy shorts hit the floor and removed my shirt. Jan spoke first, asking if she could get me another double. I thanked her and said by all means--and fix you two whatever you like and return quickly.
“Yes Sir” again in unison. How do they do that I kept asking myself?
I lay back propped up by the thick pillows and just lay there forming my next moves. The twins returned with our drinks and as I scooted to the center of the bad I had them get on each side of me. I felt since they were young, I would lay out an outline for what they needed to know.
“Ladies I consider you my “sub’s” or submissive’s. I want to know something. When you two are having sex--who takes charge?” Both smiled and Jan replied first.
“We trade off the top Sir, Josie and I have never been aggressive to each other since we read one other so well.”
“Okay then, since that’s the case I’ll enlighten you some more about what our plan is and what’s expected of you. You will obey not only me, but Donna, Connie and of course Sandra. In the coming days, alot of rules and information will be told to you. They will be given a few at a time so they sink in and you won’t forget them.”
“Yes Sir” again in unison, so cute.
I downed my double and set my glass on the night stand and relaxed my hands on each twins highly toned inner thigh. They wiggled them open slightly.
I began by explaining their roles as subs was to please mee or any Dom that they were with at the moment. A few rules came next.
To do whatever was told them quickly and without question.
To service their clients in the same fashion as if they belonged to them for the moment.
Fulfilling to the best of their ability any and all fetishes the client may want to explore.
Giving the client extreme pleasure and expand the fetish to it’s limits and beyond if possible.
To create a ‘safe word’ with each client and remember to stop immediately if it is spoken.
I told them I would be converting my spare bedroom into a play room for these activities to take place, and they would help in the decoration and keeping it clean and ready for use at all times.
At their own expense keep a drawer full of condoms and make sure the client uses them.
“The clients are paying a fee for use of the room so you can never be charged with soliciting or prostitution.”
If he wants unprotected sex, use your own judgment but charge him double the $150 an hour rate for use of the play room.
If they want both you twins the rate is $400 an hour. You will be on a commission getting fifty percent of what you charge. Both twins eyes sparkled at that statement.
“This side of the business will begin slowly I expect, and word of mouth will be your only advertisement. I also see it snowballing into a waiting list for your services. You may have to have help running the juice bar and gym. I’ll see that Donna is informed of this.”
“Josie, we will begin with you sitting right up here on my face. I want you facing Jan--who will be riding my cock. You cannot cum till I give permission.”
They squealed “YES SIR” and mounted me. Jan sucked sloppily on my hard cock as Josie’s pussy covered my mouth. I began to nibble at her exposed clit as I felt Jan’s warm pussy envelope my thick cock.
I reached up and spread Josie’s ass cheeks as wide as possible and tongued her winking anal muscle. I took a deep breath and spoke again--telling the twins they had permission to kiss and fondle each other. “Mmmmmm” was all I got in response.
I licked Josie from clit to ass hole in long teasing strokes of my tongue. I spanked each ass cheek till she was moaning and wiggling back onto my tongue, trapping it inside her pussy. Jan was rolling her tight pussy all around the root of my hard cock. I could feel the muscles gripping it and milking me. We fucked and played for at least twenty minutes.
“Pl--Please Sir--may we cum now?” I couldn’t tell which one said it but I muffled out a
“Not Yet!” I began thrusting--bouncing Jan off my cock a few inches as she squealed in delight. I ran my tongue all around Josie’s dripping pussy lips catching most of the copious amounts of fluids draining out of her. I spanked both ass cheeks till they felt very warm. I managed to pull my face free long enough to give them permission to cum---as I was very close.
“You two may cum together now--all you want!”
No sooner than I said that I felt Jan’s tight pussy milking my thick cock as she squirted her warm fluids all around my pounding cock.
Josie let loose a stream of cum that threatened to choke me as both girls Frenched and moaned loudly. My hard cock began shooting thick hot streams of cim deep into Jan’s spasming pussy. It quickly over filled and ran out the sides and down my balls.
I licked and swallowed stream after stream of Josie’s warm cum.
“Josie--grab a candle and drip wax over each of Jan’s nipples” I said as my orgasm wound down.
I pushed Jan off me and onto her back to receive the wax treatment from her sister. As Josie was on her hands and knees dripping the wax---I moved in behind her standing at the edge of the bed and slid my half hard cock into her tight asshole.
“OH FUCK YEAH!! Josie screamed as I began to “inch fuck” her ass.
“I’m cummming again!!” Jan moaned as the wax did a number on her erect nipples.
I handed Jan another candle and whispered for her to lay a trail of wax from Jan’s exposed clit all the way up to her navel and fill it up.
Jan moaned and kept hunching her pussy upwards as the wax was applied . She spread her puffy cunt lips so the clit was very exposed.
“God that feels soo good!!” Jan’s eyes rolled back into her head--moaning. One last squirt came from her pussy to drench Josie’s chin. Jan became semi- conscious from the pleasure briefly.
I had about half my cock in Josie’s ass when it began to thicken again and harden up. I smacked each ass cheek as she backed up--trying to bottom my cock out in her hot ass.
“Fuck Me Danoo!!” she screamed as I bottomed my hard cock in her bowels. She reached back and spread her ass cheeks wide for me. I slammed her sweet ass for a good five minutes as she began to have anal orgasms--one after another.
“C-Cummming !! My ass is cummmingg Dano!!” I felt the ring of muscle as it spasmed over and over around my cock.
That’s what I had been waiting on. I gave two very hard lunge’s forward and held my cock deeply as my cum boiled out and bathed her guts well.
“AHhhhggg---I feel your hot cum Dano!!
Her ass began to pump--milking my poor cock of all reserves it had. I pulled her up roughly by her hair and kissed her as we cum our last few strokes together.
All energy seem to leave her as I frenched her ---and Josie slipped onto her belly with me still buried balls deep in her quivering asshole.
I pulled my numb cock from her ass as thick streams of my cum ran down her ass to soak her pussy. God I could hardly wait till Shannon and Connie were here.
We were gonna really set up a Dungeon of Delight! |
Title: 55 days or 55 Gallons
Tags: Fiction, Erotica, Female / Girl, Female/Female, Girls / Female, Lesbian
Content:
"Bailiff, check the subjects moisture."
I felt someone pinch my nipple. Then I felt something being pressed into me. Now my eyes were open. My nose began to itch and I tried to scratch it. My hands would not move. They were tied to the arms of a chair. The back of the chair was tilted back slightly. Looking down I saw that my legs were spread like I was in the Gynecologist office. I tried to close my legs but I could not. The bailiff had a smile on her face as she slowly pushed the thing into me. Her back was to the judge so the judge could not see what she was doing to my nipples. Pinching and kneading nipples as I stared at the strange woman. I felt the all too familiar feeling building deep inside me. My nipples are very sensitive and honestly I can come just by pinching and pulling them.
Then she stopped. The bitch stopped. I was close. I don't like being left hanging.
"She is 100 percent your honor."
I thought to myself, Of course I am 100 percent. Now if you will just twist my nipple another minute, I will show you 1000 percent.
"I think this court needs to see if the subject will be able to complete her sentence," The judge said.
"What sentence? What have I been accused of? What did I do wrong? Don't I get an attorney?" I said.
"Silence Bitch," the judge yelled. "One more outburst and your sentence will be increased!"
Then my big mouth opened and I yelled things I never knew I could.
"Put a gag in her."
I did not hear the gag order as I continued to yell. Then something large was pushed into my mouth and tied around my head. Instantly I could no longer yell.
Lets see if she has the right stuff, shall we?
I watched as the judge, bailiff and two other women gathered around my chair. The judge began to knead my right breast and nipple. The bailiff did the same to my left breast and nipple. Each of the other women massaged my legs and arms. Then one of them, began to rub my foot. God, do I love my feet massaged. No I am not into a foot fetish, I don't think. It just feels so damn good.
The feeling was back and I was moaning through the the gag. I hoped they would continue until it was too late. They kept massaging my body until... they stopped. No, this is not right. Why the hell did they stop. I am so turned, if a humming bird passed by my clit, I would cum.
The judge stepped forward, smiled, twisted each nipple, then she toyed with my clit. Her fingernail just crazed it. That was it. I froze in my seat. My head was thrown back like I had just hit a brick wall with my car. She pressed a little harder and I cammmmmmm. You have to understand, I don't just cum a little. I cum a lot. Past girlfriends have said that I cum so much that I could fill a bottle. No, its not piss. Piss is thin. My cum is thick like honey. I don't know where or how I can produce so much, but I pump it out. And today was no disappointment. But this time I had a whopper of an orgasm. Multiple.
"She will do fine but I think because of her little outburst, she will do 55 gallons instead of 55 days," the judge said as she stood looking at me.
"Helen B Yates, this court finds you guilty of doing unnatural things in your car while parked in our town. You were observed, touching yourself while sitting in a no parking zone. You will be incarcerated in our town jail and will serve sentence until you are done. I must warn you that you will be jailed with twenty other women who will make sure you fill your obligation. These women have not been able to succeed, but they will be informed that you are the one. They will make sure that you fill the 55 gallon drum with your cum. These are desperate women. They know what they have to do.
"They will do whatever is necessary to make you cum." |
Title: 5Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Tags: Fantasy, Fan fiction
Content:
Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Chapter Five
Disclamer: Not mine, I own nothing. I'm not making any money
WARNING: Harsh Language, adult themes, sexual situations (i.e. smut), bad spelling and grammar.
Author's Notes: This story is a broad farce with over the top humor (a good deal of it is crude and sexual) and OOC actions (that's Out Of Character if you don't know). Also, this is my first smut-ish fic. If you don't like sex and sex-based humor, do NOT read this!
Chapter Five Summary: Things get revealed at the reception... along with Harry and Hermione's relationship.
"Harry, what's going on?" Hermione implored while tugging on Harry's arm as he stomped over to the laughing duo of Remus and Tonks. "What did that old witch mean about a menu? And why are those two laughing?"
"Because HE..." Harry hissed and pointed an accusing finger at Lupin, "is a Marauder!"
"He... he..." stammered Hermione while looking between Harry and Remus. "He pranked us?" she asked of Harry. Before he could respond, she turned to Remus and asked, "You pranked us?"
"Guilty as charged," confessed Remus in-between peals of laughter.
"You... You lousy prat!" Hermione shouted, her face twisted with rage. "You nearly gave me a heart attack!"
Harry was about to join Hermione in her tirade when he noticed her features soften. Her rage-filled expression transformed into the same look she had at the beginning of every class they shared. The look clearly showed her desire of learning something new.
"How did you do it?" pleaded Hermione.
"By discretely placing Confundus/ Charm/ on the two of you before we sat down," Remus stated, finally controlling his laughter. Tonks, however, continued to laugh hysterically. In fact, Harry thought that she appeared to be on the edge of soiling herself.
"Oh Merlin that was brilliant!" declared Tonks. "Seeing how much goo Harry had on his face yesterday, you must squirt like a fountain Hermione!"
"Shut it, Tonks!" Hermione ordered and then turned her attention back to Remus. "But a Confundus doesn't work that way-" Hermione began. Luckily for Harry's sake, she did not see him silently nod affirmatively to Tonks' comment. Hermione did in fact, squirt like a fountain.
"That's why I applied Pilliwickle's Theory to the charm," informed Remus.
"That can't be right, either. Pilliwickle's Theory only relates to /Memory Charms/..." Hermione began to argue, but trailed off as she suddenly got a look on her face as if she was doing complex long division in her head. After a moment, she announced her understanding with a simple, "Oh, yes, that could work."
Harry picked up Hermione's dropped anger, "You still nearly gave us heart attacks!" He was still mad at his former DADA professor for the prank. Harry was also a little mad because he had no idea who Pilliwickle was nor any theory named for him so he felt left out of Hermione and Remus' discussion which made him a touch bitter. "We thought everyone saw what we saw!"
"It was better than what Tonks had planned for you," Remus defended himself, and Tonks abruptly stopped her riotous laughter. "She wanted to hook up a magical projector to a Pensieve and show everyone here in attendance just what it was that she saw yesterday morning."
The two teens gasped at the mental image of a holographic rendition of themselves hovering over the reception party; their naked bodies intertwined for everyone to see. Harry realized that if Tonks had done just that, quite a large contingent of the wedding party would be shocked to say the least. He reckoned that the motherly Mrs. Weasley would faint, Ginny would more than likely sob, and Ron's face would become red with rage. However, Harry imagined that Fred and George's reaction would be more along the lines of "Nice form mate," and "Didn't you get a crick in you neck doing that?" Both Harry and Hermione turned their attention to Tonks. The eternally pink-haired Auror recoiled at the visible anger in the two teens' eyes.
Harry and Hermione's verbal assault on Tonks for her loathsome plan was prematurely aborted when a lanky red-head wizard stepped in Harry's way and blithely said, "Hi, Harry!"
Ron, after greeting Harry, turned his attention to Hermione. Ron's face got very red and a hopeful glint shined in his eyes. "Hello there, Hermione," he greeted in what he assumed to be a seductive manner. Harry thought it would've been more seductive if Ron hadn't stammered and even more so if his voice didn't hitch and crack slightly.
Behind him, Harry could hear Hermione make a small "eep" noise out of panic. The bespectacled wizard forgot his anger toward Remus and Tonks as he looked at his two best friends. Ron, his best mate, was obviously very happy, for he was literally hopping in place as he looked at the brunette witch. Hermione, however, looked like she was on the verge of a stroke-inducing panic attack.
Harry remembered that Hermione wanted to be the one who told Ron about their newfound relationship, and that she said that she had an intricate plan on exactly what to say and how to tell him. She probably had even gone as far as to draw diagrams in her daily planner. But the look in Hermione's eyes told Harry that not only did she forget what she had planned to tell Ron, but that she was about four steps beyond nervous, well into terror territory.
Hermione looked between Harry and Ron nervously, once, then twice, but on the third nervous glance, she spotted something in the distance. Harry followed her eyes to a small, furry, purple creature, sitting on a low wall near the house. It took Harry a moment to recognize it as Arnold, Ginny's pet Pygmy Puff. Hermione tore her eyes away from Arnold to stare at Ron. A very long and silent moment later, Hermione looked back at Arnold and with a hint of panic in her voice, announced, "Oooh, look a tribble!" She then promptly scurried away like a frightened mouse toward Arnold, leaving Harry alone with Ron.
"What's a tribble?" asked Ron, who looked a little perplexed but was still hopping in place like an idiot.
"It's a Muggle thing," Harry answered simply as he saw Hermione pet, in an almost frantic way, the brightly colored creature.
"Whatever. Anyway, you owe me, mate," Ron declared as he playfully thumped Harry on the shoulder. Although the thump was less "playful" and more "painful"; apparently among many things in his life, Ron didn't know his own strength.
"Owe you for what?" Harry asked as he rubbed his soon to be bruised shoulder.
"You owe me for interrupting a perfect moment," began Ron. "When you Owled Hermione the other day asking her for help, I was about to '/dodge the second bludger/', if you know what I mean." Ron concluded this statement with a saucy wink. At that moment in time, Harry realized that he would be more than content if he never saw Ron give him a "saucy wink" ever again. It was even more disturbing having his best male friend give him a "saucy wink" than it was when McGonagall had given him the "saucy smile."
"No," Harry answered trying not to shudder at the inappropriate wink, "I don't know what you mean. Not in the slightest."
"You know..." Ron said impishly and made a rather rude hand gesture as if he was cupping a breast, either that or kneading dough -- Harry wasn't too certain.
"Oh," Harry replied. He was stunned. He and Ron never spoke before about things like fondling boobs, especially Hermione's boobs. Ron, being Ron and not noticing Harry's stunned expression, walked over to the table where Tonks and Remus were at and sat down in Hermione's vacant seat. As Ron picked up the purple pamphlet, he gestured for Harry to sit next to him.
"Beef stew, blood pudding, grilled heron, and spotted dick," Ron stated clearly to the menu. After four plates with copious amounts of food piled on them appeared in front of Ron, he handed the pamphlet to Harry. "Eat up, Harry."
Harry looked at the pamphlet once more. Unfortunately all he could see was the same practical joke that Remus had engineered. His eyes involuntarily focused on the phrase: ".../Ms. Granger is inclined to get very wet/ ..."
"Ugh, I don't care much for the heron at all," Ron said as he pushed one of the plates away from him. "But I heard the trout's supposed to be pretty good."
"Oh, I know Harry likes red /snatch/-er, whoops slip of the /tongue,/" Tonks said with far too much emphasis on "/snatch/" and "/tongue/" and still had that damned devilish look in her eyes. "I meant to say 'red snapper'."
Harry groaned pitifully at Tonks' crude behavior and Remus deftly changed subjects before Ron caught on. Of course, knowing Ron, the only way the red-haired wizard would catch on is if Harry explained Tonks' statement by saying "Tonks caught me eating out your girlfriend." He tends to be a bit slow you see.
"So Ron, what have you been doing with your holiday?" the not-so-former-Maurarder-because-he's-still-pranking asked
"There's not much to say," Ron responded, "except for me and Hermione getting together."
"What?" Remus and Tonks blurted in unison. They looked at Harry questioningly. Apparently, they didn't know that Hermione and Ron had started dating around Dumbledore's funeral (which, Harry thought unflatteringly, as everyone knows, is a great place to pick up birds). Nor did they know that Hermione soon realized that she and Ron had absolutely nothing in common, whereas she and Harry had a great deal in common. With a simple shrug of his shoulders, Harry tried to tell them this all, and more importantly to Harry, just how perfect and special Hermione made him feel.
"Yeah," replied Ron to the two so-called adults' query, oblivious to Harry's non-verbal interchange with Remus and Tonks. "We were getting to know each other in a '/more than friends/' way, if you know what I mean. But then Harry had to ruin the moment because he needed Hermione for something."
"Oh," Tonks said aloud, as if it all made sense to her now. Which of course, judging by the confused look she had on her face, it didn't.
"Excuse me, everyone," Charlie announce from the head table, inadvertently putting an end to Ron's awkward conversation. "It is my privilege as Best Man to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. William Weasley!" The guests all clapped and cheered as Bill and Fleur walked onto the dance floor. "Let's watch the happy couple as they take their first dance as man and wife!"
Screeching music started to play, although Harry wasn't able to determine
where it came from. The Bride and Groom began to waltz elegantly around the dance floor.
"I can't wait to dance with Hermione," Ron declared while scanning the crowd, trying to find the witch in question.
"Don't you know you have to dance with Ginny first?" Remus asked, attempting to diffuse the increasingly tense situation.
"Dance with my sister?" Ron retorted scathingly. "We're not Welsh!"
Remus sighed dejectedly before continuing: "The first dance is for the Bride and Groom. Everyone joins the new couple for the second dance. However, the members of the Bridal Party have to dance with their partners first."
"But who'll dance with Hermione while I-" Ron began to weakly argue his case to which Harry responded a bit too quickly and too energetically:
"I'LL DO IT!" he shouted.
"Thanks Harry, I knew I could count on you." Ron said proudly as he, again, playfully thumped Harry on the shoulder. "Well, I guess I'd better go find Ginny," Ron continued as he stood up. He turned to Harry and pointed at the shorter wizard and threatened him in a mocking way, "Now, don't you go and try to steal my girl now!"
"Okay, I won't..." Harry whimpered pathetically. Giving Harry the "thumbs up" signal, Ron turned and went to find his sister.
Harry looked at Remus and Tonks who both still looked like they were in shock. With a weak shrug towards Remus and Tonks, Harry left the table to find Hermione.
It didn't take Harry long to find her. He found Hermione by the low wall with Arnold, the Pygmy Puff. She seemed to have her entire focus on Arnold and was still petting him; one could even describe her motions as "pathological petting."
"Hey, you okay?" Harry cooed as he walked up to her.
"I'm so sorry, Harry," Hermione began, still petting the useless tribble-like creature. "I had it all planned out: what to say to him and how I'd say it. But when I saw him, I completely froze up."
"S'okay, I know how that feels," said Harry. "Would you like for me to tell him?"
"No, I should be the one..." Hermione replied. "I'm just waiting for the proper time to do it. I don't think it would be good to tell him here. Could you imagine the scene that he would cause?"
"Maybe we'll tell him tomorrow, then" suggested Harry, to which Hermione replied with a nod. In the distance, Harry heard the song for the first dance end. "Would you care to dance?"
Hermione blushed slightly before responding: "I thought you'd never ask."
The two quietly made their way to the dance floor. Slow pleasant music filled the air (though to Harry, it was still a little screechy like all wizarding music). Harry took Hermione in his arms and began to dance. They danced in slow circles around the floor, passing Remus and Tonks who were lost in each others eyes.
"They seem so happy together," Hermione commented while they watched the older couple. "As if they were made for each other."
"Yeah," agreed Harry. "Who saw that coming? I don't even recall them even sharing a conversation last year."
After Harry and Hermione had slowly danced away from Tonks and Remus, Hermione said to Harry in a dulcet tone: "You do realize we'll have to get them back for that prank, don't you?"
"Oh, yeah," replied Harry in an equally sweet manner.
The next couple they saw dancing were Mr. and Mrs. Weasley.
"Oh, Hermione dear," Mrs. Weasley said as they danced closer to Harry and Hermione. "Thank you so very much for that impassioned blessing you gave earlier."
"Err... um... " stammered Hermione, very embarrassed at the memory of her outburst earlier. "You're welcome, Ma'am."
The two teens glided across the floor, away from the Weasleys.
"Speaking of the '/blessing'/..." Hermione began. "How did you do that?"
"How'd I do what?" Harry asked as innocently as he could.
Hermione got up on her toes so that she could whisper in his ear; "Make me have a screaming orgasm just by touching my hand?"
"Oh, that," Harry muttered. He was hesitant to tell Hermione about his '/special book/' because he knew that Hermione would want to take the book from him so she could read it for herself (she was like that when it came to books). And he was still reading it. So Harry resolved to himself that he would keep the book a secret just a bit longer and came up with a feeble excuse. "I didn't do anything, it must've been nerves."
"'Nerves'?" she asked disbelievingly. Hermione then added in an alluring way; "Well that's too bad. I was sooo hoping it was something that you did, because then I could repay you in kind. But seeing how it was just 'nerves' on my part..."
"Repay me how?" Harry asked, losing a bit of his resolve due to Hermione's tone.
"Why should I repay you if you did nothing?" she asked rhetorically. Hermione then did something very unexpected. While biting her lip, she pulled away from Harry slightly and tugged the front of her gown down a touch so the top of a very exciting looking black lacy bra, along with a nice expansive view of her cleavage, was revealed. Upon seeing the top edge of the aforementioned bra, let alone the sight of the wondrous flesh, Harry's resolve of secrecy was completely forgotten. As a matter of fact, his resolve wasn't the only thing he forgot; he also happened to forget his own name.
It was at this point that '/Harry, Jr./' woke up and took over those pesky thought processes for Harry. The fifth appendage poked Hermione in the hip as if to inform her that her plan to get Harry to tell her his secret had worked.
"I found a boob... uh boo... book. I um mean I uh found a book in the um restricted section..." Harry rambled in a monotone as a little bit of drool threatened to escape his mouth.
Hermione pushed her bosom against Harry's chest, causing her breasts to push up and almost ('/Harry, Jr./' seemed to pray) out of her gown. He so desperately wanted to pull the gown down the rest of the way and ravish her boobs with his mouth.
"Can I see this book later?" Hermione asked, knowing the answer. She knew the answer already because she playfully ground her hips into '/Harry, Jr./', causing the organ to swell even more. This action assured the proper response.
But before Harry could groan out a primal and heartfelt "yes," he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned and saw two mops of flaming red hair.
"Mind if we cut in?" Ron asked. Before Harry could respond, Hermione was torn from his grasp and was quickly replaced with the girl who physically resembled his /mother/!
Harry looked to Hermione for a plan; she was after all the smartest witch in their generation. She could easily formulate a plan to get him out of the predicament of a slow dance with the girl who physically resembled his /mother/! Alas, Hermione had the same look of desperation in her eyes as well. Hermione quickly disappeared into the crowd with the lumbering red-headed lummox.
Ginny started out by going up on her toes to whisper in Harry's ear "I hope you don't mind, but I plan on using this dance to change your mind about us." Right after she finished her statement, Ginny attempted the same tactic Hermione had tried just moments before. She shoved her chest into Harry's in an attempt to show off her meager cleavage and shortly there after began to grind her boyish hips into his.
Normally, Harry would have been mortally embarrassed because Ginny would have noticed '/Harry, Jr./'. She would have noticed because the bugger was, just previously, fully awake and raring to play "/hide-and-seek/" with Hermione. Luckily for Harry though, when he saw the girl who looked like his /mum/ shove her boobs into his chest, '/Harry, Jr./' instantly lost all interest. But to say that the organ simply "lost interest" was a bit of an understatement. It would be more to the point to say that '/Harry, Jr./' lost so much interest that he grabbed his luggage and went on a little holiday to visit one of his relatives up north, the spleen.
"C'mon Harry," Ginny implored in a throaty tone as rubbed her chest against his (one might argue that the word "breast" should have been used, but seeing that she hardly had any boobs, others would be more correct by arguing that "chest" is the proper word to describe it). Her hand slid down his back, inching her way to his bum. "You know I could make you a very, very happy man..."
"Um, Ginny..." squeaked Harry. "I really don't think...." The young wizard broke out in a cold sweat and tried to force himself to tell the girl who looked like his /mother/ that he was no longer (thanks be to every possible deity) interested in her. He thought that he was doing a fairly decent job at it as well, seeing how he was succeeding in fighting the urge to run away. He was successful that is until Ginny licked her lips ravenously and squeezed his arse.
That's when all of Harry's remaining cool fled from him. With a manly shout of "GAH!", Harry smacked the shiny haired girl's hand away from his posterior and ran like a frightened child. Ginny was left standing dumbfounded in the middle of the dance floor as Harry pushed his way through the crowd. He desperately needed air, he felt like he was suffocating. As he reached the edge of the dance floor, a panting Harry noticed Ron walking up to him.
"You okay, mate?" Ron asked as he took his place besides Harry. "You look like you were attacked by a vicious, bloodthirsty beast."
"Practically," answered Harry, finding Ron's analogy somewhat fitting.
"Well, it looks like we both have to sit the next dance out," Ron continued while Harry tried to catch his breath. "Hermione's mental, I tell you. We were just talking about stuff then she tells me that she wants to talk about us. And I thought that was a great idea and I told her what I'd like to do to her later..." Ron ended his eloquent statement by making the same rude "kneading dough" gesture from before. "Then she sees Arnold again and runs off talking about 'troubles'."
"Tribbles," Harry corrected.
"I'd just like to start off where we left off the other day, is all." Ron whined. "It was great, Harry," Ron stated in an overzealous tone. "We were in my room when we started to snog..."
Harry remembered Hermione's recollections of that day and realized that Ron was embellishing a bit.
"... she then moaned in my ear '/you're so wonderful, Ron/'..."
It was this point that Harry realized that his friend wasn't just embellishing a bit, he was utterly delusional! Harry desperately wanted to tell Ron about his and Hermione's relationship so Ron wouldn't embarrass himself further, but he knew that Hermione wanted to be the one who broke the news to him.
"I know I shouldn't tell you this Harry, seeing how you're single now and you'll get jealous but," Ron beamed with masculine pride. "... I felt her up! It was fantastic! It's like I'm a man now!"
Harry wanted to yell at him: '/You felt her up? Big Deal! / /You didn't even see her even a little naked, I saw her very naked! And as for fondling her, I felt her up very properly. Right before I ate her out!/'
"Mind you, I do prefer blondes," Ron said as he stared dumbly at Fleur, who was standing behind Luna Lovegood as the two girls waited to pour themselves their drinks from the bar. "Maybe I could get Hermione to dye her hair?"
"I like her hair the way it is!" Harry protested. "It's a part of who she is!'
"I thought you liked red-heads, like Ginny?" Ron questioned roughly, taken back at Harry's impassioned tone. Harry shuddered at the memory of running his fingers through Ginny's red hair, the same hair color as his /mother's/!
Harry shook his head in an attempt to rid his mind of those disturbing images and looked up and saw that Hermione had joined the line to get a drink.
"I knew you'd be jealous," Ron stated.
"I'm not jealous..." Harry began to argue when he saw Ginny sneak up behind Hermione as she approached the bar for her own drink. The red haired witch pulled a small glass vial out of her robes and inconspicuously poured its contents into Hermione's cup. Obviously, Hermione didn't see Ginny or notice the younger witch pour the mysterious liquid into her cup, because Hermione filled the tampered cup up with pumpkin juice and started to raise it to her lips. Terror coursed through Harry at the thought of Hermione drinking whatever it was that Ginny had poured into her cup!
Harry reacted purely on instinct. He whipped out his wand and shouted in a clear and very loud voice, "/ACCIO HERMIONE'S CUP!"/
Now, something strange happened. Harry clearly stated that he wanted to Summon Hermione's cup, but for some odd reason, his magic misunderstood him. Instead of Summoning Hermione's drink cup like he had commanded, Harry's magic Summoned Hermione's /B-cups/.
With a sound of tearing fabric, Hermione's lacey, black bra flew from her bosom and into Harry's waiting hand. Harry gulped when he saw Hermione's shocked and angry expression. He gulped because he saw her wondrous boobs as well- he thought idly that her boobs giggled quite nicely. Hermione quickly recovered and grabbed the fragments of her dress and covered her exposed flesh. Luckily, everyone's attention had been on Harry because he had shouted, and no one saw Hermione's embarrassment. Everyone that is except for Ron.
"Merlin," Ron muttered out in a stunned tone, "I think I saw one of her nipples..."
A small part of Harry's brain internally pondered on what Ron had said and asked, 'Did he see '/Carmella'/ or '/Natasha'/?'
The one positive effect of this disastrous event was that Hermione had dropped her drink that had been spiked by Ginny. Of course the main effect of this disastrous event wasn't positive and it could possibly lead to Harry's death. Or even worse, never seeing Hermione naked again! This negative effect was Hermione's rage, and it was directed at Harry. The raven-haired wizard gulped once more, this time in plain fear, under the icy gaze coming from his definitely more-than-a-friend friend.
Recovering his senses, Harry quickly pointed his wand at Ginny and shouted "/ACCIO GINNY'S VIAL!"/ The small glass container popped out of Ginny's pocket and flew into Harry's waiting hand, the same hand that was still holding Hermione's enticing bra, mind you.
Harry stormed up to Ginny and shoved his left hand in her face while pointing his wand at her with his right. "What is this?" Harry demanded loudly.
"Err... Hermione's bra..." Ginny offered innocently, as if she had done nothing wrong.
"No, not that," Harry spat as he pulled the undergarment out of his hand and discreetly pocketed it (he reckoned that if the "Accio" incident was going to ruin his chances with Hermione, at least he would have a souvenir). He then shoved the glass vial in the red head's face and demanded: "What is this?"
"N- Nothing," Ginny defended, "it's just water."
A large group of people, including Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and Slughorn, had gathered around to see what the commotion was all about.
"Pardon, if I may?" Horace Slughorn offered as he walked up to Harry. The younger, skinnier wizard handed the vial to the older, obese wizard. Slughorn held the vial up to his nose and inhaled deeply. A surprised look appeared on his face. "Oho, this is a Lust Potion... what are you planning on doing my dear?" he asked, turning to Ginny.
"A Lust Potion?" Hermione asked, "Harry, what was she doing?"
"She poured this into your drink," explained Harry and all the color from Hermione's face drained away.
"It was... It was only a joke," stated Ginny.
"My dear, a Lust Potion isn't something to trifle with," Slughorn said gravely. "It causes the person who drinks it to lose all of their inhibitions when it comes to physical passions. It's very similar to Love Potions if only much milder in its duration..."
Harry suddenly recalled the conversation he had with Hermione a few days ago; she had said that she had acted strangely the previous school year, that she "felt compelled" to start dating. Then a question hit Harry, was the reason Hermione had "felt compelled" to date Ron and her strange behavior during the last year all because Ginny had poisoned her?
"How many times have you poisoned her?" Harry demanded.
"Just this once," Ginny stated in a very convincing way. "I told you it was just a joke!"
"That's a very sick idea of a joke, young lady," Molly chastised her as Hermione looked like she was about to break down and start sobbing. At first, Harry believed Ginny's statement that she had only done it once and was about to drop his line of questioning when another realization dawned upon him. He remembered two years ago, when he had arrived at Grimmauld Place and saw first-hand how Ginny could lie in a very convincing manner. He recalled that he thought at the time that she would make a good actress because of her ability to lie. 'She was a good liar!'
Harry suddenly realized that he couldn't trust Ginny's word, not when it came to Hermione's well being. He had to see if Ginny had been poisoning Hermione; he had to do it for Hermione's sake.
Harry knew that he would have to force the truth out of Ginny somehow and he only knew of two ways of doing that. The first was to use Veritaserum, but that potion was regulated by the Ministry and he doubted that he could get his hands on it. The other way was fairly dangerous, and he had not been trained in it at all; he had only been trained how to defend himself from it. But he had to see if Ginny was lying, he had to do it for Hermione.
Once more, Harry leveled his wand at Ginny and declared, "/Legilimens//!"/
A migraine inducing swarm of images and emotions flooded Harry's brain. Image after image flew past him, like he was watching some horribly edited film. Harry forced himself to concentrate on Ginny's thoughts and images relating to Hermione and potions. The first dozen images that rushed by Harry dealt with Hermione tutoring Ginny with her Potion Essays. But then, he saw an image of Hermione in Muggle clothes at the Burrow and saw Ginny indiscreetly pour contents of a glass vial into Hermione's tea cup. The last image Harry saw before breaking the connection was a repeat performance from just moments before, when both Ginny and Hermione were standing in line, waiting for a drink.
Harry lowered his wand and fell to his knees; his brain felt like it was threatening to pop out of his skull in the most horrific and gruesome way possible. Ginny, by the looks of it, was suffering from a similar headache.
The group that had gathered around was staring at Harry and Ginny in stunned silence.
"When did you give her that first dosage?" Harry asked. A scowl appeared on Ginny's face at Harry's question. Harry asked again: "You gave her the Lust Potion sometime ago. When was it?"
"A few days ago, when you Owled her for help," Ginny replied through gritted teeth.
Harry heard Hermione gasp aloud. He turned to face her and saw that she had tears streaming down her face. "Hermione...." began Harry. Hermione looked at Harry with absolute terror in her eyes. Before Harry could do anything, Hermione dashed toward the Burrow. Tonks and Remus quickly gave chase.
"Hermione, wait!" Harry implored and began to follow her when a small hand grabbed him by his arm.
"Don't you want to know why I did it?" Ginny asked, her face twisted with anger. "I did it so my lummox of a brother and that Know-it-all would finally hook up. Merlin knows he needs all the help he can get. But I did it because I needed to get Hermione out of the way, so we could be together. She's the only girl you've ever talk to," Ginny continued.
"Have you ever asked yourself why that is?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, it tells me that you need to talk to more girls," retorted Ginny.
"No, it should tell you that I'm in love with her!" exclaimed Harry and a collective gasp emanated from the crowd. Along with the gasps, several dozen flashes went off as the photographers who had accompanied the reporters to the wedding took pictures. Many of the reporters were muttering about the scoop of the year while scribbling notes down on bits of parchment. A moment later, a number of these reporters apparated away, obviously to write up articles on The Chosen One's love life. A wave of anxiety washed over Harry as he realized that his outburst would more likely than not end up as front page news.
"You're in what with /who/?" Ron sputtered.
Harry paused before answering, as he did a bit of soul searching. For the past few days, while he and Hermione spent more time together than ever before (and some of that was 'naked time'), he hadn't really bothered to try and define his feelings for her. Even though the outburst was unintentional; it felt natural; it was something Harry had wanted to say for a long time. It felt right saying it, and it made Harry happy, the happiest he had been in a long time.
"I said that I'm in love with Hermione," repeated Harry.
"But you can't be in love with Hermione," argued Ron. "You love Ginny"
"No, I don't," Harry responded.
"Of course you do. It's the way it's supposed to be."
"Ron, look at her," Harry stated while pointing at Ginny. "She looks like my /mother/!"
"So, what does that...?" Ron began to debate but then stopped and looked at his sister. Slowly, his eyes started to bulge as the realization that his best mate appeared to have had an Oedipus Complex sunk in Ron's mind. "Eww, that's just wrong..."
"Tell me about it," agreed Harry as he unsuccessfully tried to repress a shudder.
"Hey, I'm standing right here!" Ginny shouted.
"But that doesn't matter," Ron continued, obviously getting over his shock of finally noticing that Harry and Ginny's relationship was sick and twistedly wrong. "Hermione's still my girl!"
"How can that be Ron?" asked Harry. "You find her boring and a nag. She finds you lazy and pig-headed. She loves to learn and read; the last thing you read that wasn't assigned to read for a class was a Quidditch Playbook. Even then you didn't really read it, you merely looked at the pictures. The only thing you two have in common is your constant bickering!"
"But isn't squabbling a sign of a good relationship?" Ron asked.
"Yes," replied Harry, dripping in scorn. "In poorly written Muggle comedic films... not in real life! In real life, at best it's a sign of an impending break-up. At worst, it's nothing more than emotional abuse. Because of the arguments you both have, it's obvious you two don't respect each other. Damn it, respect is the best foundation for a good relationship, not fighting! Hermione and I respect each other. We also have more in common than you ever did with her."
"But that isn't fair," Ron continued. "You get everything, Harry! Fame, fortune, and now you want the girl, too?"
"Wait a tic," interrupted Harry, his anger growing. "Do I have to point out to you that the only reason I have '/fame and fortune'/ is because a very mean man murdered my family simply because he was trying to kill me?"
"Oh, well, yeah, but..." Ron answered dumbly. "You've got me there..."
"And do I also have to point out that because of that '/killing my family'/ thing I grew up in an abusive household? And because of that '/mean man trying to kill me/' thing, I've been pursued and attacked by every bad guy in the British Isles?"
"But that doesn't mean you can get the girl..."
"Yes, it does!" Harry yelled. "After all the pain and crap I've gone through, I deserve a little happiness! Besides, I'm the hero... that entitles me to the girl!"
"What does that make me then?" Ron spat. "The side kick?"
"Um..." Harry hesitated before answering, "...well, yeah, kind of."
Ron bellowed out a curse and he stormed off toward the row of trees behind the Burrow.
"If you're the 'hero' and Ron's the 'side kick'," Ginny seethed, her anger flowing off of her skin. "What does that make me?"
"I don't know, Ginny," stated Harry. "Right now, based on your actions, I'd have to say you're nothing more than a crazed stalker!"
Ginny huffed angrily and promptly followed Ron to the trees.
"Harry," Mr. Weasley calmly said trying to diffuse the sticky situation. "I think it's best if you leave for now. Just let them calm down for a while."
Harry knew he was right; this was not the time to try to mend his friendship with Ron. Hopefully, he would be able to do it later.
Dejectedly, Harry headed to the Burrow where he found Tonks and Lupin waiting for him.
"Do you know where Hermione went?" asked Harry.
"She was a bit... distraught when she came in here," Tonks stated.
"So we made her a Portkey to take her back to the Gryffindor Common Room," Remus concluded.
Harry paused lost in his thoughts. He was torn between either running to Hermione to see if she was okay or leaving her alone for a bit so that she could think this through. He really didn't know what to do; he had never been in a situation like this before. He knew Hermione was hurting, but he didn't know if or how he could help her. He then thought of Remus, surely he had been through something like this. Maybe he could give Harry some advice on what to do. Harry turned to Remus, but before he could ask the older wizard for advice, Remus spoke up.
"And we happened to make a similar Portkey for you as well," Remus said while pointing to an old shoe lying on the table next to Harry.
"Thank you," Harry said and shook Remus' hand.
"Good luck, Harry," said Tonks.
Harry touched the Portkey and a second later, he crashed onto the floor of the Gryffindor Common Room. Brushing himself off as he stood up, Harry looked around the room in a fruitless attempt to find Hermione.
"Hermione!" he called out but no one answered. He then tried again, "HERMIONE!"
After a moment or two, Harry finally heard a muffled response coming from the girls' dormitory. "Go away, Harry. I want to be left alone."
Somehow, Harry knew that even though she had said she had wanted to be alone, she wanted desperately to be held by him. But he couldn't go up the stairs leading to her room because of that pesky "No boys allowed" rule that the founders placed on the stairs. He knew from experience that the moment he placed a foot on the stairs, they would magically change into a slide and an alarm would sound, making it impossible for him to climb them. So the only way Harry could get up to Hermione is if he flew.
Luckily, it only took Harry a mere three minutes to remember that he had his broom up in his room (this realization came after he had tried to unsuccessfully Transfigure himself into a bird twice). He rushed to his room and pulled his Firebolt out of his trunk. After hopping on the broom, Harry rocketed out of his room, down the stairs, through the Common Room, and over the stairs leading to the girls' rooms. Of course he didn't know which room was Hermione's because he had never been there before. So Harry listened for the muffled cries of Hermione. He heard her sobs coming from the third door on the right. Harry softly knocked on the door before entering.
He found her curled up on her bed. Hermione slowly looked up and into Harry's face. Tears had stained her cheeks, but she had a determined look in her eyes.
"H-Harry, I don't think we should be together any more..." Hermione forced herself to say.
"What? Why?" Harry stammered, shocked at Hermione's revelation.
"Because I'm afraid what we... have, it isn't real," explained Hermione. "Ginny spiked my tea before I came to visit you the other day and I practically molested you because of it."
"So what?" Harry retorted.
"So, the Lust Potion obviously affected me and my actions..."
"How long would the effects last?" asked Harry.
"It depends," answered Hermione, falling back into her safe routine of being the one with the answers. "Usually only a few hours..."
"So you were under the influence of the Potion when you..." Harry began and paused slightly at the memory of Hermione giving '/Harry, Jr.'/ a hand shake. "When you jumped me?"
"Yes," replied Hermione.
"What about later that night when we were in the library?"
"Probably not, but there is still a chance I was still under its effects."
"Even if you were, what about later? Were you still affected by the potion when you gave me my... err... birthday present? That was two days after you got the potion."
"That isn't the point, Harry!" Hermione exclaimed.
"Why not?"
"Because, I wouldn't have done that thing the first time without being under the effects of the potion," she said and looked guiltily at her hand. "And even though the Lust Potion was out of my system after that, I don't think I would've done those... things with you if I hadn't... molested you first."
"So what you're saying is that Ginny unintentionally got us together." Harry surmised.
"Yes... what... no?" responded Hermione, obviously confused with Harry's train of thought.
"Listen," Harry began and he walked over to where Hermione was still laying. "Ginny gave you that potion so you'd relax your inhibitions and get together with Ron. But before the effects of the dosing kicked in, I had Owled you for help. You came over to help me, so the effects of the potion kicked in when you and I were talking."
"Yes, that's my point!" Hermione announced.
"Let me ask you a question," Harry continued. "If I hadn't Owled you and you ended up doing... things with Ron, would you have continued to be intimate with him after the potion wore off?"
"It's impossible to say now," answered Hermione. "I can't tell you what I would've done if the situation was different."
"Yes, you can," Harry interrupted. "Do you honestly believe that you would've stayed with Ron, bearing in mind that you two argue constantly and have absolutely nothing in common?
"No, probably not," Hermione replied honestly.
"And yet you've stayed with me," Harry continued. "Why is that?"
Hermione hesitated as she looked deep into Harry's eyes, obviously afraid to answer.
"Let me tell you why," Harry stated. "It's because you and I have something special, something that goes beyond lust. Remember, according to Slughorn, the potion only lowered your inhibitions. It would not have made you do anything that you weren't already wanting, at least subconsciously. If you had felt nothing for me, there's no way Ginny's Lust Potion would have created these feelings. The end result is just that you acted on your impulses rather than trying to make up reasons why you shouldn't have done anything. And I thank God that you did make the move; I have to tell you I was too afraid of scaring you away. I wouldn't be the same person if you weren't there for me. And I don't think I ever want to try not having you with me."
Taking her hands in his, Harry gently guided Hermione off the bed so that she was standing in front of her. Harry let go of her hands and softly cupped her face in his hands.
"I can honestly say Hermione..." Harry began and leaned in close to her so that his mouth hovered over her delicate lips. "that I am deeply and sincerely in love with you."
Harry let Hermione gasp in surprise before sealing his lips over hers. He poured all of his love, all of his being, into the kiss. He had hoped it was the type of kiss that would make Hermione's toes curl. Apparently, Harry's tactic had worked because Hermione moaned into his mouth and she threw her arms around his neck. His hands slid from her face, his left arm wrapped around her body, pulling her closer to him. He ran his right hand through her hair so that he could cradle her head.
After what seemed like hours, the two pulled away from each others' mouths and rested their foreheads against one another.
"Oh, Harry," Hermione said softly. "How could I have doubted what we have?"
"Just don't let it happen again, love." Harry said, attempting at injecting a touch of humor.
"I love you too Harry," breathed Hermione. "And I love your hands on my /bottom/," Hermione giggled. She said the word "/bottom/" like it was a dirty naughty thing that deserved to be spanked. Harry thought it was a request for him to squeeze her bum, but before he could comply, he was stopped when Hermione literarily purred and said, "Do it again, Harry."
'Again?' This puzzled the young wizard, since his hands were nowhere near her bum. In fact, his left arm was still wrapped around her body and his right was somewhat tangled in her bushy hair. Harry look down at Hermione's backside (something that he discovered that he liked to do) and saw that an old, wrinkly, and somewhat transparent hand was firmly attached to his girlfriend's bum Harry's eyes slowly followed up the transparent arm and into the smiling face of Godric Gryffindor.
"What Cheer, Harry?" the ghost greeted Harry and promptly gave another squeeze to Hermione's pert bottom. "Thought you needed a /hand/."
To be continued! |
Title: 5th and last chapter of my life story
Tags: True Story, Consensual Sex, Male/Teen Female, Oral Sex
Introduction:
my story comes to an end, you might complain as one has before about it being lame, but i have tried to keep it as fact and not fiction.
Content:
In a six year period Felicity and I had two sons, I was now head green keeper at the golf club, with the boys growing up I got them pushbikes and it was a regular occurrence that I had to fix them up, so I gained a good knowledge of their workings, I also fixed the neighbourhood kids bikes, their parents seeing me later to pay for any new parts I got, it came to pass I had half a dozen pushbike’s in the garage that my two had grown out of, I didn’t throw them out as they would come in handy for grandkids.
My youngest Andrew, now 15 was off fishing with some of his mate’s, I was on holiday planning on painting the out side of the house, I had everything ready when Andrew came dashing down the road, “Dad, dad, come quick” I went to the bottom of the path to see what was up, I could see up the road his mates coming towards us and the girl from over the road, Louise, 14, with them, I wondered what was wrong, “Dad, can you help Louise, she’s got her skirt caught in the chain” I took the bike from his friend and said to Louise we had better go into the garage where my tools were and hopefully I could sort it out for her, the boys asked if they were needed, “No thanks I think I can manage now” I knelt to see how tangled her skirt was, it looked really caught up, “It might be easier for me to free it if you took your skirt off” a look of horror came over her face, “What’s wrong”? “I’m not wearing any knickers” it took a second or two for me to take this in, “Oh I see, is that wise”? “Mom say’s its more hygienic not wearing any” she took a breath “I do wear them for school though, it’s only when I’m out playing and such” I sat back thinking for a while, “Ok I’ll tell you what I’ll do, if I get you a pair of shorts to put on, will that be OK”? “It should be” I went in and found a pair of my shorts, back in the garage Louise slipped them on then unfastened her skirt, she stepped out of it and I lifted the bike onto my work bench, it took a few minutes for me to free her skirt, I managed it without tearing her skirt, although it was covered in oil and grease.
She thanked me, put the skirt back on and pulled the shorts off, dropping them in my hand she left, they were warm from her wearing them and for a few seconds the thought of her young pussy being contained in them flashed threw my mind, I was brought back to the now with my phone ringing, it was Felicity, “I’m going to be late tonight, we’ve got a staff meeting, I’ll grab something here if you can sort out something for you and the boy’s” “No problem, see you later” I got busy with the painting and had the windows finished for lunch, one coat any way, I had a bite to eat and set to work again, about half an hour passed, I was kneeling as I was cleaning my brush’s, when I heard my name called, looking up Louise was right there, astride her bike, “Mom wasn’t very pleased with me dirtying my skirt, I’ve got a shorter one on now so this wont get caught, this was obvious and how she was sitting I could see right up it and there was her pussy looking back at me, she must have know I could see her, but she didn’t seem to be bothered.
She chatted for a few minutes then was off; I finished prepping the walls and cleaned up so I could cook our meal. The next day I was up the ladder when Louise came asking if I could mend her puncture, with this done she said her saddle was a little low for her and could I raise it, she stood to show me, I had her move back, loosening the nut I lifted it a little, she tried it, it was a little high, I said to step back so I could adjust it, she just smiled and told me I could tell better if she stayed as she was, this was standing over the saddle, I looked at the saddle and then into her eyes, she just shrugged her shoulders, slipping my hand under her, to the saddle, she giggled, then sat down, “Oh silly me, look what I’ve done” the warmth of her pussy on the back of my hand went straight to my cock.
My trousers tented out in seconds, only a blind man wouldn’t have seen this, Louise looked down, “Now look at what I’ve done” she wriggled her ass a little, her pussy rubbing against my hand, looking into my eyes she said “Mom’s always told me to finish what I start, so I better take care of this for you”, at that she dropped her hand to the bulge. There wasn’t a lot I could do to stop her as she still had my hand trapped, tugging the zip down she slipped her hand into my trousers and underwear, “Nice cock, “You know you shouldn’t be doing that” “I know, so what are you going to do about it”? “I could bend you over the bench and give you a good fucking” “OH yes please” she jumped up and bent over the bench, lifting her skirt up she cried, “Come on then, give me a good fucking” I moved to her unfastening my trousers, they dropped to my feet as I was standing behind her, I didn’t bother with any formalities, I shoved hard and fast, she took a deep breath as I entered her, my balls slapped against her as I reached my full length. “Oh God” I withdrew then pushed back hard, she groaned, then looked back, “Is that the best you can do”? I grabbed her hips and pulled her to me, then with strong hard thrusts I fucked her tight pussy, she gripped the bench, her knuckles turning white.
It took two minutes for her to have her first orgasm, her head came back and she groaned, I kept up my attack on her pussy, jabbing my cock into her for a further three minutes, I picked up my pace again, she had multi orgasms for the next four or so minutes shaking violently each time, soft squelching noises filled the garage, she looked back, “Come already, for Fuck sake, cum before my pussy set’s alight” a minute later she had her wish, I pumped my cock hard into her, my cock tingled and I shot five or six good wads of cum into her, she was shaking and trembling for a minute after I had withdrew from her, I reached for the box of tissues and cleaned my cock. As Louise calmed down I saw my spunk running down her legs, she turned around and leaned back against the bench, “you were true to your word, that was a good fucking” she pulled me to her, kissed me and asked where the bathroom was. She slipped in and I heard her taking a pee, then the water running, she came back out a few minutes later saying she had emptied my spunk from her pussy, with a hug she added, “I couldn’t go home with it running down my legs, mom wouldn’t have been too pleased” she grabbed her bike and walked down the path her legs still shaking.
The following day I was working up the ladder when Louise came down to see me, so she could talk to me she just walked straight into the house and cane up into the bedroom where I was painting the windows, she leaned on the widows sill and chatted for a few minutes, then she sat back on the bed and pulled her legs up to her waist, laying back she started fingering herself, looking at me as she did this, sucking her fingers a couple of times, before plunging them back in her pussy, “I couldn’t get to sleep last night from thinking about you fucking me, and I had to finger myself for half an hour before I dropped off” I was down my ladder in a flash and took the stairs three at a time, as I entered my room Louise had stripped off, now naked on my bed, her arms and legs open wide. I was out of my clothes in seconds and going down on her.
Pressing my mouth into her pussy I drank in her sweet smell, then my tongue worked up and down her slit, she was soaking wet so with a little push, my tongue parted her lips and I found her clit, sucking and nibbling this for three minutes, coming down a fraction my tongue went into her pussy hole, she came filling my mouth with her juices, I lapped it all up, she pushed my head away and told me to “Get up here and give me a good fucking” I was balls deep before she had finished talking, slamming my cock in and out of her she screamed, “Oh Fuck, Oh fuck, Fuck, Fuck, I’m going to cum” her muscles tightened and held my cock tight, she shook her head from side to side and groaned, her back came off the bed and she went stiff, as she calmed down I thrust hard into her, my cock twitched and I filled her womb with my seed. We lay cuddling for about ten minutes, she then kissed her way down to my cock and proceeded to kiss and suck my cock, cleaning all our combined juices off of it, naturally I was solid in a few minutes, she moved up and sat over my hips, taking my cock in her hand she feed it into her pussy as she sat down, dropping onto my chest she kissed me, “I love the feel of your cock, and never want another” very slowly she moved her hips back and forth, for ten minute she moved this way, then as she had yet another orgasm, she picked up her pace, and she was rewarded a few minutes later with a second load of my cum.
This was the start of our 9 year relationship, I don’t know if Felicity was aware of us, if she was she didn’t show it, I was keeping her happy in bed so I guessed she would give me a break and my bit on the side, Louise and I only finished our relationship when she married, I hadn’t know she had been seeing someone else, but I was happy for her as she could have what I couldn’t give her, a stable life. As she walked down the Isle on her fathers arm, towards her new husband, I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself as she had a pussy full of my seed, if they hadn’t moved more than a hundred miles away I think we would have continued seeing each other. I had a letter from her three months later saying she was pregnant, she didn't come right out saying the child was mine, but it was a good chance it was.
My family life settled back into a relaxed and comfortable existence. My boys married and gave Felicity and me grand children, we had a wonderful time, we were young again when taking them out on trips and just having them staying with us for a few days. I did have the chance of getting with a girl who came to the club on work experience, many times she came into my office in her shorts and bikini top, why I didn’t take advantage was down to her father being a senior police man, and I just couldn’t risk anything happening.
It was my 60th birthday the other week, as well as friends and family Julie, Diane, Becky and their family’s came, Louise had immigrated to Australia by now, so she sent a video with birthday greetings, Tony was there with his family, I knew these as we had remained friends all these years. I had photos taken with each family group, when it came to Becky and her daughters and grand daughter, she asked to sit on my lap, I thought nothing of it, she was 11 and the image of Becky. It was a long but enjoyable day and all these memories came back to me, which is why I thought I would share them with you. Looking back at my life, I was one lucky chap.
THE END
Or is it, Becky phoned saying her grand daughter hadn’t stopped talking about me and asked Becky if she could tell her a secret, Becky told her she could, “When I sat on Uncle Andy’s lap for the photo, I could feel his cock pushing on my pussy” Becky looked shocked, but not as much as when her grand daughter said “I know why men’s cocks get hard, it’s so they can fuck, Do you think he wanted to fuck me”? Talk about children growing up fast these day’s, she’s hardly out of nappies and knows about sex. Becky and her grand daughter are due here in an hour. I will resist, honest I will |
Title: 5,000 Points For Secrecy... Part I.
Tags: True Story, Blackmail, Male / Female Teens, Virginity, Young
Introduction:
Blackmailing a young girl into doing whatever you want!
Content:
He throughly enjoyed going to his son's pop warner football games a few years back. The little tyke was going to be everything his 'old dad wasn't, with athletic and quick feet, right? Yeah, probably not. But it was worth dreaming. Christopher Rinaldi had been blessed with good instincts but was quite simply never able to carry out his athletic dreams. He loved the notion that his son David would do that. But then the realization always hit that the same genes Christopher received from his dad, were passed down to his only son. He was sure to hit a time in his development -- around high school most likely -- that the bad knees and loose joints would kick in.
What Christopher did not think he would enjoy doing a few years later, however, was going to more pop warner football games. This time it wasn't his son playing, but his daughter on the sidelines as part of the cheerleading squad. But he did. The first game, after reluctively going to the game, he found it to be a visually pleasing experience. He couldn't quite look at his daughter in a sexual way. But there was another girl, a dirty blonde, who looked to be years ahead of the rest in her developement. She looked more like a freshman in high school instead of what was the actuality: all the girls were all in their first year in middle school, between 10 and 11 years old.
After he enjoyed the first time, he had to pretend to his wife that he liked going because it gave him a "chance to read and catch some fresh air."
During that first game, he watched the dirty blonde. She was a little stockier than most of the girls but still skinny. She had perky breasts but with a little cleavage. His eyes were affixed the entire time. Her skirt was a little higher than the rest and he kept watching in case it raised up or bounced up and he could see her little chearleading underwear. What he was really doing was to see enough so he could later masturbate at home. Christopher had a dynamite wife but left him fantisyzing years ago. She used to act dirty around him. She used to drop and suck his dick with no warning, swallowing his whole load. She used to, without warning, grab him, pull him to the nearest object she could lean over, pull her pants down, spit saliva into her hand, make her asshole completely wet and then guide his dick into the spot. He used to love eating her out. Slowly but surely, things would change. First it went from swallowing to spitting. Then to warning her so she could come off before he went in her mouth.
Now? Nothing by missionary style. No oral. No anal.
Christopher resorted to a lot of porn. His wife has caught him a few times after checking the internet history when Christopher hadn't been as careful as he should have been in deleting the history or the contents he saved. The last time, his wife threatened to leave him if it happened again. He promised her it wouldn't. But he knew he would. He then discovered the joy, first of all, of having two different web browsers. Firefox was his default, everything opened in that. Internet explorer only opened via menus and submenus that only he knew about. He still deleted the history when he remembered. But since nobody ever knew how to get to that browser, nobody ever knew what porn he was looking at. His wife would go to Firefox ocassionally and check the internet history when he wasn't around and wouldn't find anything but normal stuff. He liked this setup. In viewing porn, he especially loved using xnxx.com because of its menu of different porn categories. He also loved the girls' directory. He could go straight for Taylor Rain or Gen Padova -- his two favorites -- instead of get random porn stars.
He had never had an affair. But he imagined. And he was imagining doing it with an underage girl -- though he knew if real life it would never end up happening without consequences following. As he sat in the first row of the stands, all of a sudden, the cheerleaders turned toward the field and bent over a little to drop the pom-poms. The dirty blonde's skirt hiked up just enough to get a peak of her panties. When she stood back up straight, the skirt was stuck a little and in that split second before she was able to reach back and swipe it back down, he was able to glimpse her butt cheeks a little. The panties had wedged when she had bent over and he saw her cheeks hanging out. How he would love to grab her, throw her down, get on her ass, stretch her asshole and squirt inside.
He was so hard while watching this game. Before he knew it, the game was done. Like all parents, he went down to the field level to get his respective kid. He gave his daughter Morgan a hug and said she did great. He noticed the dirty blonde didn't have any parents greeting her. He asked Morgan who the girl was. "Ashley," she replied. "Her mom is always late." He knew what he would do to seem like a concerned person instead of a pedophile. "Oh no, that's awful. Do you think we should just give her a ride home?" Morgan said we should.
Christopher approached Ashley and told her that if her mom had a cell phone, he would call it and just take her home. Ashley gave it to him. He called. The woman on the other end seemed frazzled. There was a man's voice in the background. Christopher faintly heard him say the lady should put her clothes on and go pick up her daughter. Was this not Ashley's father? Did she have a father? Christopher offerred. The woman accepted.
The two girls followed Christopher to the Kia minivan. And hopped in, both sitting in the back and giggling on the way to Ashley's house. Occassionally Ashley would interject with a new direction.
"Hey, girls, you're doing an awful lot of giggling back there. You must be talking about boys!" They just started giggling.
After they dropped off Ashley, Christopher told Morgan that her friend seemed nice. "How come you've never had her over before?"
"I don't know," Morgan responded. "I guess I didn't really know her until this year. She just moved in at the end of this last school year."
"And why didn't you get to know the new girl? You should always make people feel welcome. I've taught you that."
"I know. It's just, whenever I invited her to do something, she said she was hanging out with her boyfriend."
"Oh."
"Dad, please, I know, I know, I'm not allowed to date until i'm 16. But that doesn't mean everyone else feels the same way. Her mom doesn't care about what she does."
Christopher seemed pleased. Girls who came from lock-key families usually turned out to be complete whores. "Man, that's awful. Who was she going out with anyway?"
He was expecting to hear Tommy Newborn or Nevin Johnson, the two bad-boys of Morgan's class.
Instead, Morgan told him it was Jimmy Price, who was a freshman at the high school. Wow! Surely she's had sex before, then. Jimmy was known to be a bad boy. I mean, Tommy or Nevin was one thing. But to get a bad boy a few years older?
"Hey Dad?" Morgan said.
"Yeah."
"Can she come over to spend the night?"
"No. You are still grounded, remember?" Christopher really wanted Ashley to come over. He was just starting it out this way so that in the end, he could give in and make him his daughter's hero.
The conversation went back and forth as to why she was grounded and what she had done to earn her way out of groundation.
"OK," Christopher finally said. "You can invite her over."
"Yea! I'll call her when I get home."
---
Ashley and Morgan were upstairs. Talking boys. Christopher went up to see how they were doing and if they wanted pizza for dinner.
"Yea" they yelled out in unison.
"Already done. I thought ahead."
Christopher went and got the second of the pizzas and brought the whole box to Morgan's suite. It was more than a room. There were three sections to it. The middle section had the X-Box 360. Christopher sat down and joked that one of these days, he would learn how to play this thing. He was no good at video games. What a waste of time. The two girls continued to giggle.
Christopher had thought long and hard about how he would get in Ashley's pants. He decided the way was to let Ashley get in his pants first. He played video games for awhile and then layed down and pretended to sleep.
A few times the girls tried to get his attention. "Dad?" said Morgan. "Mr. Rinaldi?" said Ashley.
"Man, when your dad falls asleep, he really falls asleep," Ashley commented.
Awhile passed and Morgan said she was going to take a shower. She left. He knew she was in the shower because he could hear the pipes.
He continued to pretend he was asleep. "Mr. Rinaldi?" said Ashley. She was closer to him. She laid her hand over his dick, softly. It had already been hard for quite some time. He could hear Ashley gasp in amazement. He was about 7 inches long and very thick. For sure bigger than Ashley's boyfriend Jimmy.
All of a sudden, he felt her hand go down his pants and grab his dick softly. If he was going to act, he needed to act now.
He sprung his eyes open and acted horrified to find Ashley there with his dick in her hand.
"What are you doing?!!?!"
Ashley stammered around, trying to find an answer. She hadn't thought of a good excuse in case she were caught.
"You were feeling my penis!" Christopher said.
"I, I... umm... it's just... " she continued stammering.
Christopher continued to look upset. "Wait until I tell your mother."
"No please don't. She'll be upset if she found out I was doing this to an older man. She made me promise I wouldn't screw up my life like she did hers. She'll kill me if she finds out about this."
"I don't understand," Christopher repied. He really didn't. Why would her mom be upset? He knew Morgan had told him Ashley's mom didn't care what her daughter did. Morgan was wrong.
"My mom got pregnant early and says she is addicted to sex now and doesn't want me to end up like that!"
"Really?"
"Yes, please. I'll do anything if you don't say anything to my mother."
"Oh, this isn't just about her. I'll tell everyone!"
A look of absolute horror. Tears started to come out.
"Please don't."
"Tell you what," Christopher said, thinking of his plan coming to fruition. "I've got an idea. If you play along, I won't tell anybody."
"OK, anything."
"OK, here's what we're going to do. For every thing I say that you do, you'll get a certain amount of points. When you reach 5,000 points, I'll refuse to tell anybody what you did. If you refuse to do any one thing, you'll lose 1,000 points."
Christopher was playing on her ignorance. He could go to jail for what he was about to do. No matter what Ashley initially did, the law wouldn't care. But what he did, it would. He knew Ashley wouldn't know otherwise.
"What kind of things?" she asked.
"Well, for example, if you suck on my penis, you'll get 100 points. If you let me touch your private parts, you'll get 20 points, things like that."
"But I'm still a virgin!" she pleaded.
"Still a virgin and dating Jimmy that is three years older than you?"
"Oh, no, we're not going out. He dumped me because I wouldn't have sex with him."
"Well, you'll end up doing it with me."
"Please, no, I'm still a virgin," was Ashley's last-ditch effort.
"OK, OK, it's cool, I'll just go tell everyone."
"OK, I'll do it."
Christopher heard the water pipes stop already. He needed to finish this soon.
"Tell nobody about our game or I'll release your secret."
"I won't, I promise."
Christopher's elaborate plan was working. He had spent 45 minutes thinking about it after he knew Ashley was going to be coming over. He knew when to go up to Morgan's room. He knew when she liked to shower.
"OK, well Morgan will be up here again soon. I'm going to just pretend I'm asleep now. Tell Morgan you are going to take a shower now. Go to the bathroom. In the towel closet, in the very back, I put a digital camera. Take a bunch of naked pictures of yourself. A BUNCH! Of your pussy, asshole, breasts. Everything. Do it with the water running so nobody will hear you. Then put the camera back. If you do this, I'll give you 30 points."
"OK, I will. Then what?"
"Spend the night again tomorrow and I'll let you earn more points then."
"OK. I will. Please don't tell anyone."
"You just fulfill our agreement, I won't tell a soul. I hear Morgan coming. I'm going to pretend I'm asleep."
Christopher laid down and pretended he was asleep. Morgan came in the room. Ashley and her talked for a bit and then Ashley said she was going to take a shower, if it was OK.
"Of course it is," Morgan responded. "Do you even need to ask? The towels are in the closet on the left-hand side."
Ashley left and almost no sooner did she then Christopher opened his eyes a tiny bit and noticed his daughter was wearing nothing but a towel. "Holy shit," he thought. He wasn't sure, when he set his whole grand plan up, if Ashley would try and deny that she was touching him. So he had secretly set up a camcorder in the entrance to the room and set it at wide angle so it would capture everything in his one room. But he knew it would also capture part of the open room to the right, because of the way it was angled. Not only would he get pictures of Ashley naked, but video of his daughter naked, too.
Not that he was interested in his daughter that much. But he wanted to know how developed she had become. Did she have pussy hair yet? Now he would know. Before she started to change, she came over and rustled him.
"Daddy, wake up!
Christopher pretended he was being awoken from a deep slumber. "What time is it?"
"Only like 9:30. But I have to change."
"Oh. Is your mom home from her stupid school meeting?"
"No, not yet."
"Mmm... OK. I'm going to bed, I think. Goodnight."
"Goodnight daddy."
Christopher went downstairs were the bathroom was, next door to his bedroom, though you had to go out the room and down the hall to get to it. He sat in his room with the light off until, after about half hour, he heard the pipes stop. The water had stopped. Any moment now, he would see pictures of Ashley... NAKED!!!
He heard the door open and Ashley start to go upstairs. He heard his daughter say (because her voice often carried), "man it took you long enough!"
Christopher slid into the bathroom, locked the door, reached behind all the towels and found the camera. He grabbed it and turned it on. There they were! He kept scrolling. Holy shit! He wondered if his daughter had pussy hair, but figured Ashley already did. In the pictures she didn't. She must shave it! It was the best looking pussy ever! She had a flat lower belly until it hit a perfect mound. Some of the pictures were with her spreading her pussy lips. She was completely pink. He found the pictures she took from behind on all four, spreading her ass cheeks and showing her asshole. He loved them. He got down on his knees and pulled out his dick and started to masturbate. He imagined cramming his dick inside of her pussy and her loving it. It took him about 25 seconds and no more before he exploded, capturing his sperm in his hand, with the overflow going over the top and dropping to the hardwood floor. He cleaned it up and took the camera out. He would save the pictures to the hidden partition to his computer right away. Then, if someone asked for the camera, he could give it to them and the slate would be clean. Plus, on the computer, the pictures would show up even bigger!
He was loving this game! Only 4,970 points left! |
Title: ( 5 ) another great orgy
Tags: Diary, Anal, Ass to mouth, Ass to pussy, Bi-sexual, Fisting, Incest
Introduction:
Family orgies are best
Content:
Last week we had a great orgy with the kids and Stef, one of Kim's friends, who was now a cum loving slut, so it was no surprise when Kim asked us to arrange another group fuck, saying Stef could stay over Friday and Saturday nights.
I made a lot of phone calls, and all of the guys from last week said yes, and wanted to know if there was room for more, as some had told their friends about our fun, of course always room for more cocks, so we set up a date for Friday and Saturday nights, for as many as could come.
Friday afternoon Stef arrived, looking stunning in a tight black mini, and high heels, her hair now blonder than before, Kim kissed her and they headed off to get ready, I had got prepared earlier, so Stu helped me set things up. We had moved a double bed into the games room and more toys and Mattresses, and a couple of surprise items.
Sue came home around 4pm, and get ready, the girls came back in, both naked and looking great, we sat down to eat a light meal, the talk turned to sex and what Stef wanted to try again, with a smile she said, anything, I loved last time, and want it all again, and maybe a fisting with a cock in my pussy too, "No problem" I said, then shyly she said, that she had been trying anal at home with some large objects with her dildo in her pussy, and had squirted again.
Seven pm and guys started to arrive, it wasn't long before we all had a cock in us, Stef and Kim got the most attention of course, Stef already going for a dp, as Kim took 2 in her butt. Stu was fucking Sue, with guys taking turns fucking them too.
I took a couple of cum loads then worked my way over to Stef, as one cock slipped out of her cummy butt, I shoved mine in, Stef at first didn't notice, then she looked at me and asked what I had put in her butt, I smiled and said "Tooth paste on my cock", (for those that haven’t tried it, just a bit at first as it gets hotter the more you fuck, the gel type is best) the more I pumped her arse the hotter it got, her anal orgasms got better and next thing, My body was a wash, as she squirted me again.
I fucked her for quite awhile, as other guys used her mouth another got under her to DP her, I slipped his cock in her butt, then eased mine in with him, now the heat and pressure really built up as Stef went wild.
I gave Frank the nod to grab my poppers, and told him to give Stef a good sniff, she has not used them before, and looked at me, I told her to try some, but if she didn’t like it no problem, Frank held it, and Stef took a good sniff, her butt relaxed beautifully, as my cock worked her harder, I saw her go for more popper, so with a few more good pushes, she came once more, then after a while she took more, so without warning, I slid my cock out, pushed the other cock in her pussy, and with one good push worked my fist into her well lube butt.
That did the trick; she came so hard her body shook as my fist was gripped tight. Frank had his cock in her mouth, and nearly lost the end as she bite him. Working my fist faster she took it all, Stef had realised the poppers helped her relax more and her orgasm were better too, as she grabbed the bottle and sniffed again.
Once I had worked her up, I eased up, my cock near her butt once more, slowly, I eased the tip of my cock in her butt, with my wrist at the opening, it started going in, Stef was going wild, sniffing more and more as my cock went right in, she had my fist and cock in her butt, and Gary still fucking her pussy, with Frank face fucking her.
I knew I wouldn't last long, the pressure was so tight my cum had trouble shooting up her bowels, I felt it warm my fingers inside her body, as Gary then blew his wad in her. My cock slipped out, as Frank finished of filling her mouth with tasty cum, I kept my fist in her, as she slowly came down from her high, Kim had been watching us, and now had the strap on with our big dildo ready to pounce.
I slid my fist out, as Kim pushed in, Stef didn't have time to breath, her first orgasm hit home as Kim took the full force of Stef’s squirt, Gary still had his limp cock in her pussy, but by the look on his face he was enjoying the dildo too.
Stef pushed back, her butt full with a 12 inches dildo, Gary was still fucking her pussy, his cock once more seemed to be hard, I replaced Frank's cock in her mouth with mine, as she sucked me hard I held my cummy fist to her mouth, she licked my hand clean, I kissed her then went off to play, leaving her to enjoy the dildo.
As my butt took another 2 cocks, I looked at Stu; he was going well, his butt running over with cum as another cock exploded inside him. Sue was under him, sucking his cock, and licking up the cum from his butt, her butt took a good fucking too. Both more than a bit sweaty and cummy, as a few guys waited their turns to fuck them.
Stef was now on her back, the big dildo still pounding her butt, as she sucked of some cocks, then a guy stood over her, cock in hand, and pushed his member into her pussy, I saw her orgasm and squirt on Kim’s belly, as both kept her going, not to be out done, I lifted her arm and slid my butt down onto her fist, riding her for while, she carried on moaning and squirting every time she orgasmed,
Stu also joined me, his butt sliding down on her other fist, Stef was working us both, as she too was filled by toys and cock, I looked at Stu my cock showing signs of blowing its load, Stu also wanked his cock, then just about in sync, we shot our cum right over her face and boobs, that was all it took to send her over the top again and orgasm big time, the fluid hitting the guy fucking her and bouncing back onto us all. Kim and the guy pulled out of Stef, allowing her to relax a bit, as we lay cuddling, another couple of guys shot their loads everywhere, we kissed and shared it between us.
The night carried on, Stef took a few more fists in her pussy and butt, as well as being screwed in all sorts of ways, while Sue, Kim, Stu and I put on a family show, sucking and fucking every hole we could find, at one time Sue and Kim fisted me together, holding hands inside my butt, caused me to orgasm big time, as Stu face fucked me, every now and then a load of cum would splash over us as guys watched on.
I got our big toy out and gave Kim a good arse fucking with it, then she turned me around and fucked me silly with the same toy, at one point one of the guys shoved his cock in me too while Kim was still fucking me, I felt really good when he did that, as the tightness was so intense,,
After we had all had fun, I took Kim into the shower, kneeling her down I started to piss over her face and boobs, she massaged it in her skin, as I saw others look on, they too joined in with me, washing the cum from her body.
It was only when I heard a wow from the door, that I saw Stef, her eyes glassed over seeing Kim being pissed on, but Kim's smile let her know she was enjoying it, then to our surprise Stef walked over, kneeling next to Kim.
The stream of piss changed direction and she too began to soak up the hot pee. Soon the bathroom was awash with piss and guys, both girl's more than soaked, took a shower together while we watched, it is so sexy seeing two lovely girls playing with one another.
As always some of the guys fucked us again, before going home, now their cocks were fairly empty and most just happy to have their cock in a warm hole, Kim and Stef looked great as they took a face load of cum between them, kissing and licking the juices from one another.
Sue was still riding Stu's cock, he was laying down whilst she took advantage of his meat, his fist in her butt while she rode him, I was happy as I took a couple or more loads and Frank then fucked me with our big dildo, whilst he shoved his cock in too, blowing the last of his seed for the night.
Well the kids finished off, and slept together in Kim's bed, Sue and I slept in the games room with a few of the guys, all drifting off into a well earnt sleep. The last sound I heard were one of the guys fucking Sue while she lay next to me, with the sound of her gagging on a hard cock I knew she was happy. |
Title: 5 boys 2 girls
Tags: Fantasy, Boys/Teen Female, Young
Introduction:
2 girls get their fill of cock
Content:
5 boys and 2 girls were going on holidays to the hot south europe: beach, sun, alcohol and unexpectedly... sex.
One of the girls, had an house in the south that was owned by her parents so she invited us all to spend the summer there. We were supposed to be more people, but some couldn't go.
Lets start with the introductions:
- The house owner, named Jessie, she was 17 by the time, she is 5'57ft, has long brown hair, a great round ass and medium size but well built tits.
- Jennifer, is Jessie's best friend, 18 years old, 5'44ft, long blonde hair, she is a bit overweight, not a bad ass though and her tits are huge! A little saggy, but its a damn nice set of tits.
- Aaron, 17 years old, he his half-african, curly hair, a very well-built 5'83ft body, very shy and still a virgin, to his dispair!
- John, 18 years old, he is the intelectual of the group, 6'03ft, he has a little gay-way-of-acting and talking, stil a virgin too, a little overweight and a masturbation addict.
- Matt, 20 years old, he is the clown of the group, he's the one everyone mocks at, a little retarded he was still in high school, lost his virginity at 20 to a much younger girl, he had a long blonde hair and was 5'37ft and skinny.
- Frank, 18 years old, he was Jessie's ex-boyfriend, 6'16ft and a little overweight, always praising that he had a huge cock.
- And me, Mike, 18 years old, 6'06ft, a nice muscular body, a party boy and the one that all girls looked at first.
And there we were, alone with no adults to annoy us, the city had a great night activity, lots of bars and discos.
In the first days, we spent the afternoons on the beach, playing soccer and watching hot girls. At night, we went to the dsicos to dance and drink.
The house chores were divided by all, well not all, the girls did more than we did lol.
But one day, something different happened. We were comming back home from the discos, all drunk...
We got home and everyone fell on the floor, we were all singing loud, and dancing on the floor, really drunk!
It was really hot in the house (or maybe it was because we were drunk), some of the boys took their shirts off.
Jennifer took her shirt off and was now only with her bra on, and those tits bouncing around in it, damn! I was getting hard just by looking at them, and I was not the only one. John crawled next to her and started tickling her, and touch her tits in the act.
Jennifer: Hey don't take advantage on me! You know alot for a virgin ahaha!
John: I'm not virgin for free will, if you want to take care of that just let me know.
Jennifer: LOL you wish!
I was horny by the sight of those tits and because of that conversation that I decided to act. I got next to her.
Me: Jen I would be careful with those beautys there, they're almost popping out! (Pointing at her tits and I pulled her bra up like trying to cover them)
Jennifer: Oh who told you I would mind if they did?
Damn bitch she wanted it!
Me: Then why do you keep them there with this heat?
And saying that I pulled her bra up, and massaged one tit.
Me: See? Isn't it much better now?
I bent down and pinched one niple and licked the other. They were getting hard, the bitch was horny. I started sucking hard and she started to moan.
Jennifer: Oooh shit thats good!
Then John started kissing her and licking the other tit.
Meanwhile Frank and Jessie started making out, he was already sucking one of her niples.
Frank: Damn I missed these tits!
Matt started taking Jessie's pants off, she was just wearing a thong now. He started licking her ass cheeks.
Aaron was sitting on the couch, not knowing what to do.
I was already with my fingers inside Jennifer's hot pussy. I was dripping wet!
Me: You horny bitch you like this don't you? You're soaking!
Jennifer: Oh yeah don't stop oooh shit its sooo good! Damn I want some cock! Everybody get on the couch! I wanna see your cocks!
Aaron was already there, John sit next to him, then Matt, Frank and I got my fingers out of Jen's pussy and sat next to Frank.
The girls kneel in front of us and Jen took the lead.
Jennifer: Ok now, you're gonna show us your cocks. John you first, let us see that virgin cock!
He pulled his shorts and boxers down and his 5 1/2 dick popped out already dripping pre-cum.
Jennifer: Uuuh I can see you are ready for the party eheheh, hold it there you nasty boy! Next Matt!
The short man of the group pulled his pants down, and a 6inch cock with hairless balls came in sight.
Jessie: Well at least you're not that short on cock.
Jennifer: Lets see that big cock you so much talk about Frank.
Frank: Right away you bitch!
And he uncovered his almost 8inch and veiny big but thin cock.
Jennifer: Damn it's big indeed, slim but big!
Jessie: I told you so!
Jennifer: Yeah! Now Aaron, let me see that black cock of yours!
The shy man pulled his 9inch black and hairless cock out.
Jennifer: Holy shit! How can that cock still be a virgin?
Jessie: You're last Mike! Let see what you have baby!
I got up and pulled my pants down showing my 10inch fat, big headed shaved monster.
Jessie: Oooh fuck! You're mine!
And she got up and grabbed my cock with both hands, and slowly oppened her mouth and swallowed my cock. She started sucking deeper and deeper, damn I was in heaven.
Me: Oh shit! Suck it babe, suck it harder!
And she sucked, and started playing with my balls while she did.
Jennifer: And I want that fucking black cock!
Aaron was having the moment of his life, a virgin and being sucked but that big titted bitch.
Jennifer: You like that don't you? You will love this!
And she put his cock between those tits and started titfucking him.
Aaron: Ooh shit! Arrrgg I'm cumming!
Jennifer: Yeah cum in my mouth I'll swallow it!
And she put her mouth on the head of his cock and swallowed all his cum.
Meanwhile we had a revelation! Tired of beating off John started rubbing Matt's legs.
John: Let's have fun while we wait.
And he bent down and started sucking Matt's 6incher.
Matt: Damn man what the fuck?
Me: You fucking faggot! I always suspected! Keep sucking Jess!
John: I'm just ..
Matt: Shut up and keep sucking fag!
Jennifer: Lets take care of Frank's big toy now!
Me: Oh nice sucking Jess! Lets swap now.
And I layed her down on the couch and ripped her thong off revealing her little, pink wet pussy. I kneeled down and slowly started fingering her tight pussy, then when I touched it with my tongue she started shivering.
Jessie: Oh shit Mike!
And I started licking it, I covered that beautiful pussy with my mouth and licked it so hard she couldn't stop screaming.
Jessie: Oh my God that feels so good! John! Matt! Bring those cocks over here!
And they did, she started sucking on their cocks while I licked the hell out of her pussy.
Meanwhile Jennifer layed on her back and spread her legs.
Jennifer: Aaron, bring that black cock over here and fuck me!
He run to her, and placed the head of his cock in the entrance of her pussy, and started pushing in.
Aaron: Fuck its so tight!
She grabbed his ass and pull him deep into her.
Jennifer: Oooooh damn! Its so fucking huge! Fuck me!
And he started pushing in and out of her cunt while Frank put his cock back in her mouth.
Jessie: Oh Mike I need that big cock! I need it in me!
I got up, grabbed my rocking hard dick and started rubbing it on her pussy, teasing her.
Jessie: Fuck put it in!
I then pushed it all in at once.
Jessie: Fuuuuuuckkkkk! You're splitting me in two!
I fucked her hard like a jackhammer, she screamed like hell, I had her juices running down my balls and legs.
Matt started face fucking her hard too and John moved on next to Jennifer.
Aaron had already pulled his dick out of her pussy beofre he would cum again, and now it was Frank fucking her pussy while Aaron had his cock sucked by Jen.
John: Make room for one more!
And saying that he bent down and started sucking Aaron's black cock too.
Jennifer: Damn JOhn don't you wanna fuck a pusy instead? Come here stuff that dick in my pussy.
He let go of Aaron's cocks, and put his 5incher on Jen's pussy.
Jennifer: there you go! Keep fucking me you cock sucker!
He kept fucking her hard and hard while she gagged on Aaron and Fank's huge cocks.
John: Shit I'm cumming!
Jennifer: In my mouth! I wanna eat it!
Jessie: I'm cumming aaaaaaaah!
By now I had lifted Jessie in the air and I was impaling her! She had a river running out of her pussy to the floor.
JEssie: I'm cumming so hard oh God!
And she started shaking, her eyes went white, she was cumming. I layed her down on the couch and kept fucking her slowly and deep, she was in exctasy! Then she came back to herself.
Jessie: That that was great baby!
Jennifer was riding Frank pole by now, her tits were bouncing around and I saw and open hole, her asshole was calling out for me! I got behind her and spit on my hand, then rubbed it on her asshole and then on my cock. I slowly placed the head on the entrance of her asshole.
Jennifer: Go slowly! That hole is not used to big sizes.
I went slowly, she moaned in pain, I went deeper, she kept moaning but after a while she was not in pain. She had two huge cocks inside her, one pumping her pussy and another one stretching her asshole. I grabbed those huge tits from behind while I started fucking her hard. She was loving it and I slapped her ass and the damn bitch told me to keep on doing it.
Matt took my place on top of Jessie and JOhn got on his fours next to Jessie and called for Aaron black monster in his ass! Aaron was fucking the fag's ass while he made out with Jessie.
Jennifer was being brutalized by me and Frank and now I wanted to stuff my dick in sweet Jessie's holes again.
Me: Fuck out Matt.
He got off Jessie and took my place on Jen's ass.
Me: I wanna do you doggy baby!
Jessie got on her fours and showed that pink asshole for me! I went crazy but I was going for her pussy first.
While I was at her pussy, I was rubbing her asshole, getting it ready, I stick one finger in it, I spit on it and slowly massage it.
Me: Are you ready baby?
Jessie: Yes, but slowly, you're my first there.
Me: What an honour ehehe!
I tried to push in, but it was too tight, I spit a little more on it, and fingered it a little to strech it out, and then tried again.
The head was in! Shit it was tight, I almost cummed right there! I pushed deeper and slowly, ooh that was great.
Jessie: Its hurting argh!
Me: It will get better just wait!
And it did, she started to moan in pleasure and it went harder on her.
Jessie: OH yes harder! You're going so deep! Slam those balls against my pussy yes!
Aaron: Damn I want a piece of that pussy!
Aaron took his cock out of JOhn's ass and crawled under Jessie, and she sat down on the black 9incher.
Jessie: Oooh shiitt!!! Get your cock in here John! I wanna suck it!
She was being drilled by two monsters and was still sucking on his cock!
Matt: Shit I'm cumming!
Jennifer: Yeah fill my ass with that hot cum!
Frank: I'm cumming too!
Jennifer: Cum in my pussy! John! Aaron! Cum in my face and tits!
They went and soaked the bith in cum.
Me and Jess were still going at it and now she was riding me with her pussy.
Jessie: Fill me baby! Fill my pussy with your cum!
Me: Arggggh I'm cumming! YEes!
I felt my cock pulsing inside her pussy, spurting cum into her, filling her.
And we all fell a sleep like that. |
Title: 5 Doors Down
Tags: Fantasy
Introduction:
older lady 5 doors down
Content:
(i would like to appologise for the bad spelling and punctuation errors , this is my first story)
i was going round to jakes to play some xbox for a few hours , we usually did this a couple times a week , so around 1pm i left my house to go to jakes , he only live 5 houses away from me , so i knocked on the door but go no answer , i was puzzled as jake told me he would be in. so i knocked again and jane answered she was in her PJ's covered by her dressing gown .
"is jake home ?" i asked , "he's at stans" jane replied , "oh thats odd he told me he would be in today" i said as i was about to walk away. "he should of been but his uncle wanted him over to watch the game" jane said , i noticed that jane had puffy red eyes and tears in her eyes , i asked is she ok , whats wrong , "patrick split up with me" jane told me , they had been together for 2 years , i could see she was really upset and asked if she wanted to vent a little , so she invited me in and she made me a glass of orange and i asked if there was anything she really wanted to talk about .... so after a good 30 minutes of venting she seemed alot more happier and less gloomy , so i said "ok im gonna go now are you going to be ok ?" she replied "yes thanks for the chat you have really Perked me up today".
now let me point out jane had always been fond of me and often pointed out that i was charming and good looking , i just shrugged it of most of the time as it felt wierd as she was my best friends mother and i thought its just how mothers are.
as i was leaving jane opened her arms to give me a hug , i accepted to the hug and we were shoulder to shoulder for 5-10 seconds and she went to kiss me , she managed to kiss me on the lips without me noticing what was happening , this was an awkward moment when our lips parted it wasn't a grandma kinda kiss either full tounge the works , no action on my part of course .
she asked if i would kiss her back , i had no idea what to say , she was vulnerable and upset i didnt want to take advantage of her and potentially ruin a perfect friendship with jake , she told me jake wont be home for another 3 hours.
my balls were tight by now and i just wanted to ravage her right there in the hallway , i began to slowing brush my hand through her hair and stroking her cheek , she pushed closer to me and we started kissing again , i pulled her fury white dress gown of her and we started to slowly walk up the stairs while still kissing and undressing each other.
we made it to janes room as she dropped onto her back onto the bottom of her bed , with only her matching red bra and panty's left covering he slim hour glass figure , i slowly walked towards her and lent over her , my arms either side of her shoulders i began kissing her tender lips , she pulled back onto her bed fully laying down with her knees in the air and her feet on the bed , she began to take of her bra which was one of them unbutton from the front bra's and kneeled over her and kissed her again , after a while a began kissing my way down her soft body towards her already dripping wet pussy , the juices were seeping out of her hot red panties.
i started gently pulling them down to her ankles , "that pussy is fucking amazing" i thought to myself , i began lapping at the dripping pussy for a while then she pulled me up and told me to lie down on my back , i gladly olbiged as i knew what was in store.
she made her way to my 8" throbbing penis and began to suck like only some sort of sex freak could suck , i grabbed the back of her head and started pushing her head down onto my penis until i could feel the back of her throat , she had no problem with going deep throat , she seemed to know what she was doing , this went on for a while until i was about to cum.
i told her i was almost there as i didnt know if she wanted my juice deep in her throat , but she kept on going to finally "Ahhhhh YEAHHHHHH" my penis ooozed with streak after streak on my cum going deep into here throat , she pulled away and it all just came out dripping from here chin as it splashed back onto the tip of me now almost subside penis.
she crawled up beside me and lay on her back , gasping for air , all i can say is "Best BJ EVARRR" in those exact words , she giggled a little and then asked "what now" "well i dno you tell me , your the one that seems to know alot more" i replied , she said"wanna fuck" i gladly olbiged as i was still a virgin but had got to all the other bases with other girls.
i had just calmed down as she climed on top of me and pow my penis is standing at a halt yet again , with her knees either side of me and her hands on my chest she slipped the tip of my penis into her still dripping pussy as it acted as lube and slowly pushed the entire length deeper and deeper till me whole penis was engulfed inside this hot milf.
she started pownding down harder and harder , panting with sexual rage i began fondeling her tight c-cup breasts gently twisting her pointing nipples as she began screeming and i knew she was about to have an orgasm , she was going wild shaking her head all over , her thighs titened around my waist , her body shivered and after moment she dropped onto me and i could see she was finished she panted with barely any air left in her and told me me "that was amazing" , i had a big grin on my face but it dawned on me that if jake found out that it would jeopardize our 12 year friendship and potentially ruin my reputation with other women.
she rolled to the side of me as we heard a key twist the front doors metal mechanism , jane quickly threw on her gown and looked downstairs , to our destane it was patrick , back to pick up some of his stuff , he ignored the cloths all over the house probably just thinking jane is that broken up she isn't even doing the washing up.
patrick began walking up the stairs "what are you doing here" jane asked , "im here to pick up some of my shit if thats ok with you".....
"shit im fucked if he finds out iv just fucked his X" i thought to myself , in a panic i hid in the closet.
patrick walked into the room and saw it was a complete mess , just inches away from him my jizz lay dripping of the side of janes bed sheets.
"can you come back next week or something , we only broke up 2 days ago i cant be seeing you so soon it breaks my heart" jane told patrick.
"im just here to get my lucky leather jacket , im going to a ball game tonight and iv put big money for the lakers to win"
"oh no please dont let the jacket be in here" i thought to myself.
i sneakily hid under a bunch on clothing and hoped to god he didnt find me.
i was completely blacked out under this crap so i couldnt see a thing , i heard the closet door creak open "oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit" i though to myself
"oh here it is" said patrick .
then i heard the door close again.
after 5 minutes what felt like a life time i heard the front door slam shut.
i think he is gone.....YES
"were in the clear" jane whispered still unknowing were i was hiding.
i rolled out of the closet and jane laughed and i joined her with a little giggle.
the time was 3:30pm time sure had past quick , jake was due home in half an hour.
i told jane i think i should go jake will be back soon , we can do this again some time ? i asked jane "any time....sexy" jane replied , me being the risk taker that i am i asked jane for a quick BJ , she got onto her knees in a heart beat i stepped forward as jane beggan tugging on my penis getting me hard again from the recent scare we had , my penis was yet again standing at a halt and jane went to town dug straight in and began chugging down on my 8" penis yet again .
i grabbed the back of her head and hurredly smashed her mouth down on my penis she started gagging but wasn't bothered at all and carried on sucking my throbbing cock , i came alot faster than i had expected as jane was again swolowing my hot thick semen streak after streak until i was completely empty , she licked around her lips and then kissed the tip of my penis to get rid of the left over jizz.
Knock Knock Knock "fuck sake again" i thought to myself , jane looked out the window to find jake standing at the door , he had forgotten his key , we snook downstairs as i quickly picked up my clothes scattered around the house and put them on as fast as i could , she whispered "sneak out the back door and go through the ally way , i kissed jane on the lips for one last time and times it perfectly as she answered the door for jake i ran out the back door and went home.
later that night i was laying in bed on my laptop just thinking about what happened only a few hours when i got an email from jake "i know what you did".......
thanks for reading my story , its my first and i hope to write many more in the future , i didnt spend alot of time on this story , only a couple hours , and again if you got through this without closing the window cause of the terrible spelling mistakes i applaud you.
i may think of writing part two , i have many ideas to twist up the story |
Title: 5 FREE AS A BEE 6 RATE, DEFLATE N DATE BAIT
Tags: True Story, Boy, Plumper, Young
Introduction:
Naturist kid falls in love with cute girl. Hero baseball coach be my dad, he
Content:
[b]5 FREE AS A BEE
The same three guys don’t have a ride home, so Sean kindly takes them. When Jeff gets out, no one is home. “I can’t leave you home alone. Come to my house and I’ll leave a message for your mom to call.”
Jeff wasn’t worried about being home alone. That’s become routine, without a father around. But he really liked the idea of going to Sean’s house, “Terrific! Thanks.”
“You’ve got a built-in swimming pool! Can I go in?”
“Sure.”
“You too!”
“I’ve got a couple things to do first. I’ll be out in a little bit.”
“OK.” Sean laughs as he watches Jeff high tail it out the sliding door, stripping off his shirt and shorts on the run. Thinking to himself, “Looks like he’s gonna swim in his underwear…. Yup. Looks like bikini briefs. Reminds me of the good-old days. Boys today seem to be ashamed of their bodies. As a little kid, I ran around in a bikini because everyone was doing it. I admire Jeff—he doesn’t just follow the crowd.
Sean gets a beach towel, bringing it out to Jeff. Jeff climbs out of the pool as he sees Sean coming. “You going in now!?
With a chuckle, “No, not yet. You look good in a bikini.”
“Yeah? Yeah!”
“And you fill it in quite splendidly.”
Feeling wonderful with the praise, but cautiously, “That’s way flattering, Sean.” Then he turns back to the pool.
“Both ends, I might say,” Sean quickly adds.
Feeling a bit embarrassed, Jeff turns to say, “Not you too. Alex always says a have a bad butt.”
“I didn’t mean to upset you, Jeff…. And keep your butt away from Alex.”
With a big smile, “Of course!”
Sean goes to get his business taken care of, then looks for a bathing suit. “I think I’ll wear a bikini too. Oh, here—I don’t think I’ve worn this for five years—my favorite. The good-old days! Hope it still fits. Looks like it stretched out a bit. Good thing.”
“Hey, you wear a bikini too!”
“Use to all the time. You helped me resurrect my carefree, free as the bees, feeling.”
6 RATE, DEFLATE ‘N DATE BAIT
As today’s captains, Sean picks Alex, Jeff, and Roy. He lets them pick teams for another scrimmage. Jeff has a knack for picking talent, which shows, as they trounce the other two teams.
Afterwards Sean has each player vote for captains for the season. Shock and deep appreciation fill Karim as Sean announces the results; Ricky and Jose as co-captains; Karim as captain. Jose also feels quite honored. They realize the team looked beyond skin color in their voting.
Fred thinks he should have made it instead of Jose. Michael feels heart-broken that he wasn’t picked but knew all three were excellent choices. To his delight Sean appoints him as official scorekeeper. Sean lets him know that this would also involve training others to keep the scorebook, because he would usually play the whole game.
As the equipment gets packed the captains receive congratulations, high five’s, and hugs. Alex even kisses Jose. Jose graciously returns a big kiss. Disgusted by the hoopla, Fred approaches Sean angrily, “I should be scorekeeper!”
Sean calmly replies, “That would be tough for a catcher, who is busy putting on catcher’s gear and taking it off.”
“So I’ll be catching the whole game?”
“I would love to see that—if you continue to improve with handling the pitching staff. In fact, it’s good you’re not a captain because I need you as pitching coach.” Fred thinks that it’s really cool, but quickly turns back into an ice cube. Then he let’s a wet gasser loose.
With everyone holding their noses, Jamie rants, “Aromatic abuse at it’s worst!”
Fred responds, “Just shut up, Jamie.”
Ricky cuts in, “You should have shut your fat caboose.”
Everyone laughs. Fred wants the last word, but isn’t about to stand up to Ricky. “Shut up, all you frigg’n faggots.”
Ricky kindly adds, “Just show us the pictures.”
Jeff goes to Sean’s house after practice again. “Don’t you think I would have been a fantastic captain?”
“Yeah, like Captain Hook!”
“Come on, Sean!!!”
“Seriously, though, you’re right. But for kids, being bigger and older matters.”
“You could have made me the scorekeeper.”
“I think you would do better as an unofficial captain. We need good base coaches—the captains will want you there. You know how to inspire a team. You don’t need a title for that. Well, we could call you our cheerleader.”
Angrily, “No thanks! I think you give the rest of the team more attention than me,” tears forming in Jeff’s eyes. Soon he sobs uncontrollably.
“You’re right.” Sean reaches out to comfort Jeff, but he backs away. “I have eleven other boys that need my attention and will only get it on the field.”
Still crying a bit, “We have a special friendship now that I want the others to see, but you act like we don’t!”
“I agree. I love our new relationship, but on the field I need to be your coach only. I’m convinced giving you special treatment there would hurt the team.”
”I disagree!”
“I hear you. It’s good you got your feelings out in the open.”
”So what are you gonna do?”
“Same old, same old. Even though you don’t like it.”
Jeff starts getting angry again. The anger turns into quiet tears. The tears turn into an acceptance. With his spark returning, ”My mom’s taking me to the beach next Saturday. Wanna come too?”
“That’s sweet of you. But I’ll be marrying Roxanne soon.”
“That doesn’t matter. Pllllease.”
“It matters to me. It matters to Roxanne. I don’t even know your mom.”
“Well, she wants to get to know you.”
Laughing, “I think you mean that YOU want her to get to know me.”
“That too. Can I go swimming now?”
“Sure, after giving me a hug.”
”Of course!” Jeff follows the hug with a pat on his butt. “You’re coming too, right?”
With deep disappointment, “I wish, but I have some phone calls to return.” Sean reaches for another hug. Sadly, yet graciously, Jeff moves into a tight loving hug. |
Title: 5 girls, 1 day
Tags: True Story, Hardcore, Teen, Teen Male/Teen Females, Young
Introduction:
true account of a day at the fair, and the 5 different girls I fucked
Content:
It was summer during the County Fair when I was in high school. I was a senior that year, and I had my own camper at the fair and stayed there the whole week. I was showing cattle so I had to be there everyday. The fair always turned into a big party in the evening. It ran for 8 days, and every night we would be drinking and playing cards in my camper. One particular day that week turned out much more eventful than I had ever imagined...
I had just got done eating some greasy foods up on the midway and was walking back to the barns through the fair. I ran into Abby, who was a freshman. she was very cute, with curly shoulder length black hair, and the most adorable eyes. She was a little bit thick, but she was sexy as hell. She was a soccer player, and she also showed cattle. We had been camp counselors that summer and had flirted quite a bit. I wanted to put it to her, but never found the right time.
She was plenty happy to see me and we flirted for a little bit. She told me she had to take care of her animals, but she wanted to hang out later. I told her I would find her. As I was walking away, i saw my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend walking towards the medway. She looked really good in a skirt and tight red shirt, so I followed her and caught up to her. Her name was Libby,she was a senior too, and she had an awesome body. at 5'7'' and about 115, she had great legs. long and tanned. a nice flat tummy that led to perfect pert 34B's still developing into 34C's.. Her beautiful blonde hair that she took pride in was tied in a pony tail which she knew i loved. I had been dating Libby for about 2 years, and we always fucked like rabbits.
I was defiantly in the mood for some trim so I talked to her for a while and she followed me back to my camper. almost as soon as we were in side we ripped each others clothes off and i threw her on the bed. I lifted her legs in the air and dove tongue first into her delicious pussy. She always kept it shaved, and she had the biggest fattest clit i have sucked on to date. I worked her already creamy pussy over, tasting her juices as she moaned and rubbed my back. I reached up and squeezed her tits, playing with the nipples as i flicked my tongue rapidly over her engorged clit. My cock had grown to its full 8 inches and was trying to grow past it, so i took one long last lick of her pussy, letting my tongue run deep into her pussy, and sat up to give her what she wanted. she spread her legs and told me to fuck her wet pussy till I cum, so i plunged my cock in her crevice. her pussy gripped every inch of my cock as I drove into her. I swear it was the best feeling pussy in the world. Libby lost her virginity to me, and we fucked as much as possible after that, so I carved her cunt to mold my cock inside her. I took long easy strokes at first enjoying her pussy clenching my cock.
Just as Libby was starting to cum , I lifted her legs and pushed her knees against her luscious tits, forcing my cock deeper into her pussy. She came, bucking her pelvis into mine, my cock buried inside her. She kissed me deep and passionately , and I started to cum along with her. Her legs spread wider and my balls jettisoned their thick semen deep into Libby's sweet sweet little pussy. she whimpered in our kiss, and I knew she felt my hot cum soaking into her spasming cervix deep in her hot pussy. my cock was buried to the balls in her tight little pussy, as my cock expelled its load into Libby, we broke our kiss and I worked my cock in and out of her creamy cummy pussy. she moaned and I took one nipple in my mouth, sucking it and flicking it with my tongue. she immediately went into another orgasm, and I felt her pussy pulse around my cock. she moaned, eyes rolled back in her head, and her sweet cum hole pushed my cock out as her orgasm subsided. we kissed again, then dressed quickly. we kissed and she left, saying she had a nail appointment. But what she was really doing was meeting another guy to go out on a date. (this is just how me and libby's relationship was.. We fucked, then we'd fuck other people... I miss that girl!!!)
I left my camper after having a few shots of jack from my hidden bottle and went to feed my steer. He was a big black sonuvabitch with a white face, and he could damn near eat his own weight in corn every day. I had gotten him pretty tame in the past 10 months, but he didn't like other people. I was in front of him unwiring his water bucket when he jumped forward and slammed me against the wooden gate he was tied to. It hurt pretty badly, but that kinda thing happens a lot when your working with 1,600lbs of beef. I wondered what the fuck had spooked him, and I turned to see Abby standing behind him. she had walked up behind him and he jumped trying to get away from her. She came over, laughing, and asked if I was ok. I said yeah, but she would have to help me get back to the camper.
We got back to the camper and I saw my clothes were covered in shit, so I decided to change. There wasnt much for privacy in the camper, so I just changed in front of Abby while we talked. I didnt mind anyways, I got nothing to hide. I stripped my shirt and jeans and abby went silent. I turned to see her gawking at me in my boxers. I started to laugh but she stood up and came right over to me, pulling my boxers to my ankles. she took one look at my cock and engulfed it in her warm mouth. she pushed me down on the bed and began working her head on my rod, making it stiffer and and stiffer. I pulled abbys shirt off and and unsnapped her bra, letting her ample 36c's fall out. she sucked my cock till it was a full 8 inches then stood up and removed her jeans. I reached out and pulled her panties off revealing her bald pussy. I pulled her towards me and dug my tongue into her crevice, tasting her musk. just as I found her clit she pushed me back and mounted my cock. letting herself slide slowly down onto it. She wasn't as tight as libby, but she had a deeper pussy. Abby buried my cock inside of her and began moving in circles, She loved the motion and groaned as she ground her pussy against my balls. I was in heaven with this pudgy freshman plowing her pussy with my thick cock.i knew she was no virgin, but she was sooo wet. my balls we already soaked. as she started to bounce on my cock, I pushed back, getting deep with every stroke making her squeal. She came, her juices running down my cock and over my heavy balls. I knew I had another huge load working its way up. abby bent down and put her arms around my neck, and started working her nice big booty like shakira on my cock.she was riding my thick cock fast and hard, moaning and grunting,i was moaning trying to keep her rhythm as she worked her self up to another cum.
She squealed and rode me harder, and I exclaimed I was gonna cum. She screamed do it and kept fucking me. just as my cock recoiled and fired a hige gob of hot cum into her already creamy pussy, she slammed her hot twat all the way down on my cock and squeezed her pussy around my pulsing shaft. She came up and slammed back down 3 more times, squeezing my cock and grinding her clit into my pelvis. each times I shot another huge round of thick hot cum into her. Abby slowed to rocking on my cock and layed on my chest as my cock shrank inside her. i could still feel her squeezing me when I was limp and slipped out of her.
Let me know if you want to hear about what happened with Megan, Jenny and Katie later that day
Abby, Libby, Megan, Jenny, and Katie |
Title: 5 Girls in 1 Day- Part
Tags: True Story, Hardcore, Teen, Teen Male/Teen Female, Young
Introduction:
the 2nd chapter to a day at the County Fair and 5 different girls i fucked
Content:
After Abby dressed and left, I jumped in the shower to wash up after sex and being covered in shit. I put on some crisp new jeans and one of my good show shirts and headed back up to the barns to check on my animals. My steer was happily munching some hay when I checked on him, and my buddy Travis was feeding his steer. We bullshitted as he worked and I combed out my steer. We decided to get fuckin drunk later that night, and he had said he talked to Megan earlier about drinkin. Travis had stayed a few nights with me and we always seemed to get pretty fucked up. Megan was a counselor with us that year at camp, and she was also best freinds with Libby, my girlfreind.
Megan and I had flirted quite a bit at camp that year. We were chicken fighting in the pool one day, Megan on my shoulder's, and travis with another female counselor on his. Whenever we would fall into the water, Megan would grab me with her legs and we would wrap our bodies together under the water for a moment. each time we went under it got a little more intense as we would dry hump each other. (or wet hump, i guess*) we started playing around in the pool away from other peple, just Megan and I. I was throwing her in the air and she was trying to pull off flips before splashing back into the pool. One such "graceful" landing in the water, Megan swam back up to the surface in front of me and i noticed both of her beautiful tits had come out over her top. I stared at the gorgeous pair for a while before looking back at Megan's face. She had a naturally dark complection with dark curly hair, wet and pulled back around her soft round face. She had a beautiful smile that could light up a room, and her perfectly shaped 36c breasts sat atop a well toned body. She was an all star soccer player and an excellent long distance runner. To say the least I wanted to fuck her, and she told me right there in the pool with her tits hanging out of her bikini, if it wasn't for Libby she would fuck the hell out of me. We played a little more in the pool that day, coping feels of each other whenever possible, but not much else happened after that. That is until, the Fair....
Travis and I walked up to the hog barn so I could feed my pigs. We ran into Megan on our way up the road and she came along with us. We planned our booze for the night, Wild Turkey and Bud Light, and tried to figure out who would buy it for us. (since we were all only 18). Megan got a call from Abby, and she invited her to join us for the party. I laughed, knowing where Abby had been the past hour, and finished feeding. We left and met up with Abby, who winked at me, blowing me a kiss. We went to go find our good old friend Joe, who had been hooking us up all week. Trav, Meg, and Abs went to my camper to start partying while I went with Joe to get the party. I still dont know how in the hell I got 48 cans of bud light, 6 bottles of coors light, 6 bottles of down home punch, 6 bottles of Mikes hard lemonade, and a gallon of wild turkey into a duffel bag and carry it past 3 sheriff's deputies without making so much as a clink or a clang. When I came in Travis and Megan were curled up on one side of the table, laying under a blanket. Abby was laying on the the other side of the table, and they were watching American Pie on the TV. I unloaded the duffle and stocked the fridge as much as I could. The turkey I brought to the table, along with a stack of shot glasses.
We started playing Euchre, me and Megan partners and Travis and Abs partners. We did shots for every eucher, set, or loaner. Me and Megan were killing travis and abs the first 3 games.. We flirted back and forth across the table while we played, shooting each other looks. After about 5 or 6 hands we were all feeling mellow from the half bottle of turkey we had tore through. We decided to watch the rest of the movie, and turned out the lights. Me and abs curled up on the bench seat on our side of the table, with Trav and Megan on the other. In no time, Abs had my hand working her pussy outside her jeans. I could tell she was very moist, and began working my hand down inside her panties. we laid still except for my fingers creeping to her clit. her pussy was very wet from my cum, and hers. I slid my fingers over that delicious pussy, lubing them with the wetness, and worked circles around her clit. she moved her hips slightly, and I drover a finger up into her sweet hole. The cum I shot in her earlier must have came out then, or she came massively when I shoved it in, because i felt a large load of warm liquid run down my finger. her panties were completly soaked now from her soggy pussy, and it wore through her jeans too. I could feel her gripping my thighs and my fingers worked her hot little pussy into a frenzy of orgasmic pleasure. I could hear her breath pick up, as well as Megan's as I realized she had travis working on her pussy, although I coulnd't see.
By Now I had 3 fingers pumping into Abby's hot qium. She was bucking ever so slightly into my hand, and her hand had found it's way to my now very rigid cum cannon. Just as I thought she was going to cum, someone pounded on the camper door only 4 ft. away. Abby and Megan both jumped up, Abby pulling me along with my hand still in her panties. I freed myself from her soaked snatch, and opened the door as Abby was buttoning her jeans. It was her mom. And she was pissed. She yelled at Abby for numerous things, and she had to leave. I was left blue balled. Stone Cold Blue Balls with a great big fat hard on and no where to stick it or hide it. and that was when I realized the stars must have aligned themselves for me that night. Travis had to leave also. Apparently his mom was experiencing vehicular difficulties, and he had to make a service call. Suddenly, Megan and I were left, all alone, me with a raging hard on, in my camper.
It took all of one minute before we stripped each other naked and had at each other. We did a shot for good times, and I curled her muscular legs back, admiring her sexy feet. Her pussy was certainly wet, and well trimmed. Two tight little lips that looked barely fucked. I dove in tongue first and ate as deep as I could into her sweet center. She moved her hips back and forth, laying on her back on the table as I bent over to have my fill of her pussy cream. I groped at her luscious tits as i worked her pussy with my tongue, running figure 8s over her clit, then running my long tongue deep up her twat as my nose pressed into her clit. She came in 2 minutes, soaking my chin in her juices. I stood up and she pulled me onto her, grabbing my cock. before we started, she told me Libby couldn't find out about this, or anyone. Then she also said to do whatever i want, but make sure when I cum, I pump my load up into her. I guess Libby had been telling her stories, and she wanted to know. My cock was broad and standing tall, so I plunged it with easy into Megans hot tight little pussy. I wanted to cum right there and she yelled Fuck Yes!. I bottomed out in her love box, and slowly rocked back and forth, enjoying the feeling of our tight embrace, the deep penetration, her soft whimpers and ehr pussy clenching my throbbing cock. She whispered Libby was right, and I decided to fuck Megan better than I ever did Libby.
I stood up and pulled Meg to the end of the table and started ramming her pussy into a froth. She moan and lifted her legs, allowing me deeper access to her pussy. I used every inch I had to pummle her pussy. her big boobs bounced back and forth and i felt the camper rocking as I gave her everything I could. My hips were a fury, and I could feel my thighs and abs burn as I watched her curl her pretty toes and flex her calves and thighs. The sight of those perfect legs made me wanna drop a load, and I let out a "oh god" and felt my cock throb in anticipation. I held my load and kept my very quick pace, and Megan noticed I was ready to cum. That sent her into an orgasm, and her knees bent down to her tits with her feet curled back, spread wide open, and I forced my cock as deep up into her as I could. Meg howled and started cumming, her eyes rolled back in her head and she was silent and I kept pounding her cunt, forcing her thighs wider, her feet lock back and toes spread. I could feel ehr cum coming out around my cock and working around my balls. I grabbed her by her hair and by the shoulders, using my shoulder to force her legs back, and used my weight to fuck her tiny twat into submission. She was cumming like a banshee, shooting hot cream onto my balls as I plowed her. but when I pulled her hair, her eyes shot open and she demanded my cum in her pussy. That was all I needed and began to unload into her. She was yelling, "Cum in me! cum Right there.. OH fuck, your cum is Soo fuckin hot.!! " anyone outside would hear her getting a royal reaming, but I kepting fucking my own cum into her spasming pussy. When my first volly hit her pussy she came again, or was still cumming, and she somehow spread her legs father. I did my best to kept working her pussy with my cock, but as I came, i slowed to a stop, my cock buried balls deep inside her, her feet over my head, our mouths locked in the most passionate kiss i have ever felt.
We kissed a long time, laying there like that, until my hips started unconcsiously bucking into her. she started moaning, and my cock was fully hard still and ready for more action. I stayed deep in her pussy, slowly fucking her as we laid there in a warm embrace, but I could not hold it any longer. I got up and pulled her off the table and bent her over. As she bent over the table, her ass cheeks spread and revealed a thick mass of cum that had pooled around her asshole . I dove in, licking her asshole clean as she moaned. i ran two fingers into her tight cunny, and my cum came running out. I used the extra lube and rimmed her asshole with my finger. I fed my cock into her hungry pussy and resumed my orginal hard fast steady pace, occasionaly playing with her asshole with my fingers. She was loving ever second of it. She came twice more as I plugged away at her from behind, enjoying her nice round behind with slim hips, teasing her nipples and pulling at her hair. she had been asking for a refill, wanting my to cum inside her again. I had her lay on her tummy on the floor legs spread, and lift her ass. I had intended to stay on my feet and really give her a deep dicking, but ended up sitting between her thigs, shoving my cock up into her tight tight sweet lil pussy, my legs stradeling her hips. it felt so amazing, and megan worked her pussy up and down on my cock as I rammed upwards into her. she told me to let it all go, fuck my cum into her hole. fill her up. I unleased with another load of babymaker batter from the depths of my nuts and started to cum my brains out shaking. Megan was going nuts, grinding her pussy down onto my spasming spurting cock, and kept saying fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
We released each other and and I watched as my cum poured out of her abused pussy and hit the carpet of the camper. SHe told me that was the best fuck she had ever had. We slowly dressed, still rubbing our bodies against each other. We sat back down and were just starting to deal some cards when there was a knock at the door. Jared, Mike, and Dan brought over some whiskey, and also brought Katie and Ashlyn along..... |
Title: ( 5 ) Joy and I get fucked
Tags: Fantasm, Anal, Ass to mouth, Ass to pussy, Bestiality, Fisting
Introduction:
Steve got kinkier still
Content:
Last wednesday night we had fun with Steve and his dog, both going home empty of cum as did the rest of the guys we invited along, so when we got a phone call asking us to attend his place again this Saturday night we said yes of course. He told us to invite our guys along as well.
We got to Steve's around 6pm, his drive way already full of cars, so stripping of we made our way in, soon things got going, and Joy and I were kept busy sucking and being fucked in ever hole possible, it didn't take long before we both wanted the dogs to have a turn and fuck us.
Joy was first, kneeling on the bench, one of the dogs began to fuck her ass, she loves the feeling a huge cock gives her anally, and tends to let them fill her ass, more so than her pussy now.
I followed soon after, with cum to lube my ass the dogs cock went right in, his knot growing as he trust into me hard and fast, my anal orgasm taking control as I lost myself in sexual bliss. Joy's moans of estersy stirring me on more too. I felt my dog push harder, trying to knot with his bitch, I held him out for as long as I could, waiting for the pressure to build in his balls, before he cum. Joy was knotted and her dog was blasting her bowels with hot sticky cum, some dripping out slowly under her.
It was now I let my dog knot with me, his balls full, as his knot grew to full size, a tennis balls filled my ass, as he squirted his load deep into me. My orgasm always take off when a dog cum's in me, the heat and feeling of so much cum is great, then he turned, back to back more orgasms hit me.
After the knot had softened, and dropped out a fist went straight in, I saw Joy also being fisted, both of us making noises as only a sexual slut can when a arm is stuck up your ass, my mouth took a few cocks, as more guys took turns fucking and fisting me.
Steve was talking to a new guy, both looking around, then headed of out back, a short while later they came back in asking who wanted a big surprise and I beat Joy by repling "Yes Please".
I was led out side, hands covered my eyes, arms helped me lay face down on a bench of some kind, my ass up high, they used straps to hold me in the frame.
Then some one pushed the amyl under my nose and told me to take a huge sniff, I did and just in time, a noise behind me soon had my heart racing and my mind worried, A horse snorted, oh my god what am I going to do, my hands held down tight, the horses legs came up past my head, his cock banging up and down on my back.
I asked for more amyl, and sniffed away like crazy, as some one helped him find my hole, lucky for me the fisting had opened my ass nicely, as the biggest cock ever went in, how many inchs I don't know but it felt big, and thick very thick.
My first horse orgasm hit hard, as he thrust into my cummy hole, it felt like 3 guys were fisting me, as the horse picked up speed, then more and more went in, now my ass was ready, using my toys had helped a lot as I was told he was about 3/4 of the way in me now, each thrust gave me a new high.
The straps holding, were undone, seeing as I couldn't move any way, so I grabbed the amyl and took some huge sniff's and pushed back, now my mind was right into this horses cock fucking me, a sharp pain raced though my anus as what felt like a base ball bat was rammed deeper than ever, more amyl and the pain left me, another orgasm changed the feeling to total bliss.
The new guy was now face fucking me, his cock nearly as big as his horse, found its way to the back of my throut, at the same time he told me I had all the horses cock up my ass and to suck him dry.
I took great pride in working both cocks, my ass full of horse cock, and going well, my mind lost to this beast as he worked hard to finnish, his big balls slapping hard against my butt told me indeed he was fully home and it felt great, I was glad they never asked me before making me take this monster, as it was bigger than my biggest dildo and with him in control too.
I screamed although no one heard me, my mouth full of cock, then as my mind began to go wild with pain and plessure, the horse cum, my ass filled like never before, cum raced into my bowels as I gagged on more cum in my mouth, it felt like both cocks trying to out squirt one another, then the horse's cock sprung free, more cum shot over my back and head, hitting his owner too as he held his cock firmly in my mouth for me to drain his balls. For what seemed like ages my ass spasmed with delight as more orgasm shot though me.
They moved the horse back, it was then I saw what had fucked me so well, a huge black horse, his cock soft but still hanging between his legs moved away.
I tried to stand, my legs wobbled as I held them together, my ass now a wreck, with horse cum flooding out, Joy was nearby, two guys fucking her as she watched me, so with help I moved by herside, and opened my ass, pushing the horse cum free to splash over her face and boobs.
When I thought it had stopped running out, I turned, how sexy my wife looked, covered in horse cum, I went down kissing her and eating cum from her big tits, as the guys refilled her holes with human cum, then not giving her a chance, aimed and let fly, me piss streaming over her boby as both guys held her in place, then like me, they also pissed over my sexy wife, as more lined up to help.
We both got cleaned up some, then let the guys and dogs use us once more, each filling us with thier cum, by now Joy was ready, and a quick word to Steve and the horse's owner, we marched her out, laying her down, the nerves kicked in, but she held firm, amyl helped, as the horse took position over her, it was now I saw his huge cock, what a beauty, long with a large flarred head, no wonder it had filled me so well, as inch by inch Joy took him in.
I fed her more amyl each time he pushed in deeper her ass gapped open, his huge member using her body now as he had used mine, her orgasm told us she was also enjoying his cock, I looked on, seeing my lovely wife used by this monster cock, wondering how long he would fuck her for, before filling her ass with horse cum,he was fully in her now, some 20 inches of flesh went deep up her ass with each push.
Joy was still moaning as I saw his balls begin to jerk, then as his nostrils flared he flooded her ass with his horse cum, gallons of hot sticky fluid would be finding its way into her belly, as her orgasm sent her into a wild trashing moton on the bench. I waited wanting his cum to shoot over her body when he pulled out, but this time he held firm, his cock jerking more and more as his cum kept filling her hole.
Where was all his cum going, Joy seemed to be hanging on, her eyes wide, her head going around as more cum filled her, it had to come out soon.
Then just as I thought she would explode, his cock sprung free, gallons of cum shot back wards from the built up pressure inside her, as his cock also shot more cum over her body, while he was still cuming, he moved back, his cock now shot cum over me and another guy watching her close.
I just had to eat her ass, with my mouth locked onto her gapping brown hole I sucked cum from deep inside her body, every suck and my mouth filled with cum, as more come out I spat it over her bum, to much for me to eat, then with one more mouth full I took it to her and shared it in a kiss, her mouth open as cum ran between us, we had both now felt the plessure of a horse's cock fucking our butt's and would be seeking the feelings again.
The night was going well, more guys had turned up, and seeing our fun, had balls full of seeds that needed spilling, so Joy and I both took them all on, not one guy missed out, watching Joy take on 4 guys at once looked good, as they tried in vain to get 3 cocks in her ass, not because they wouldnt fit, but more getting the angles right, at one time she did get them all in, and worked them as hard as possible, before they fell in a big cummy heap.
I had brought our toys along again, and repeated my trick from last time, 2 guys held my arms another my legs and lowered me fully onto the 18 inches long 3 inch thick dildo, after the horse, it went in just about first time, but with more amyl and another good lift and drop my ass devored it all, sitting firmly on the ground, guys face fucked me as I worked away riding it hard.
After having quite a few orgams on my toy, I told Joy to try it, the guys fucking her finnished by filling her pussy and ass with cum as we lifted her up, most went in first time too, her ass relaxed after the fucking she had taken tonight, so like me, more amyl and a few test drops and it went in, she yelped a bit but took it fully as we lifted her up and down to more anal orgasm on it.
By the early morning we had just about emptied every ball in the house, even the dogs now lay sleeping, as a few guys took turns to finnish us off, Joy had shown them our fun with the strap on, with us both fucking the other fully using all our toys.
Then to wash some of their cum from our bodies we took the remaning guys outside for one last piss session, by now they all knew, either pissing over us or filling our holes with streams of hot pee, Joy also took several in her mouth and sollowed their cocks as piss filled her throut.
Steve led us into the shower, before he too pissed into Joy's wet ass and helped us clean off. We drove home, Joy played with my cock, sucking it as I drove, then we fucked a bit more once home, talking about the feelings and the sight of seeing one another being fucked by a horse sure got us horny, we wanted more. |
Title: 5 love dove love shove
Tags: True Story, Boy / Boy, Gay, Male / Female Teens, Romance, Young
Introduction:
Just sit back and enjoy the ride!
Content:
9 JEALOUS WELLNESS
As Sean, Rachel, and Jeff get down to the soft sand of beautiful Black's Beach, they see Roberto, Sonya and Maria already settled in. Jeff sprints over to Maria, giving her a big hug and kiss. "Guess what! You'll never believe it!"
"I don't know--you just signed a contract with the real Cubs."
"No. Way better! Sean asked me to be his best man!"
"Oh, wow! In their wedding, right?"
"Yeah, I'm so happy, I'm crying! Again."
Rachel and Sean greet Roberto and Sonya, exchanging hugs. Then they step over to Maria, waiting for her to finish with Jeff. She notices them standing there. She turns to give each a warm hug, "You guys are awesome, making Jeff your best man."
With his hand still on her shoulder, "We consider ourselves quite honored."
Rachel agrees, "Yes and we wonder who we might get to walk down the aisle with him," laying her hand on her other shoulder.
"Oh?" with a hint of jealousy.
Rachel adds, "We want you to be my maid of honor!"
Maria screams, falling into the sand, almost break dancing. Jeff helps her get up, excitedly but gently.
"So what do you say?"
Giving Rachel another hug, showering her with kisses, "I can't believe my ears! Yesss!!!" Then she runs to hug her mama, "Can you believe it!!! God is so good!"
Sonya smiles, "All the time, from the tire tube to the mountaintop."
"Oh, Mama, I love you!"
Jeff starts rubbing sunscreen on Maria's back. Soon they do each other's front side at the same time. "Jeff let's get on the blanket, so I can sit on you as we do this."
"Yeah, I like that better too, most honorable maid."
Soon they all go to swim in the mild surf. Alex and Logan show up to play with Jeff and Maria. After hearing all the new news about the wedding, Alex and Logan announce that they're an item now. Jeff pats them each on the rear end, "That's way wild guys!" Agreeing, Maria hugs them.
Soon Logan slips away, approaching Sean. "Sean, sir, I'm sorry for upsetting you. Thanks for not telling my parents."
"Logan, you're private life is none of my business, until you take it into my house. You're welcome back anytime. I'm forgetting it, trusting it never will happen again."
Surprised, "Jeff said I couldn't for two weeks."
"Let's just say I appreciate your maturity and respectful tone, but please don't call me sir. It will give me gray hair!"
Laughing, "Yes sir! I mean, yes Sean! I wouldn't want you to lose your touch of green."
"Imao. I didn't know your family are naturists."
"They're not. Alex just asked my parents if I could come. They said I could try it once."
"That was easy."
"Actually, no. Alex became totally persuasive. And I begged big time."
"We don't tell people we're naturists."
"I won't tell anyone."
"You're a good man, Logan."
"Thanks, Sean."
... After Alex and Logan leave, Logan asks, "Alex, why didn't you apologize to Sean?"
"What for, I'd rather crap in my pants."
"What's the matter with you. You have a thing for him!"
"No I don't, dickweed!" Hanging his head, "OK, I used to."
"You still do!"
"Why don't you shag a diseased dog!"
Logan ignores the insult, "Does he... is that why he threw us out?"
Alex just breaks down crying.
Logan hugs him. "It's OK, Alex. I'm here for you."
"Yeah, you want Jeff and I want Sean. And they just do the mammary mambo."
"Just don't push me away, Alex. We can't help it that others turn us on. Yeah, we want what we can't have. The fact of the matter is, we turn each other on and want each other. Yeah, we both get jealous. Let's just get over it. Somehow, we can do it."
"Logan, you're a dream-come-true," as they hug each other passionately, exchanging wild kisses. "How can you love me? Jeff's got man meat ten times my size."
"Alex, don't ask how, I just do!"
10 HIGHER FIRE
As usual, Sonya and Roberto pick up Jeff for church. Jeff sits beside Maria in the back. Their excitement about walking down the aisle together continues wildly. They hold hands tightly, praying together, thanking God for his overwhelming goodness. Their appreciation bubbles over.
In church they sing their hearts out with every praise song, raising their hands in worship frequently. As silence fills the sanctuary, Jeff suddenly cries out, "Ah shub rall el shah reed rom. Brop ud el shah hon alk lize fulp rir el yah weh sed moz lar zon saf. Jur hul ma! Jur hul ma!"
Then Jeff falls backward, but the man behind him reaches forward, guiding him into his chair. This man then speaks out, "Our God sees to much comfort. Our God passionately pleads that our hearts burn with fire as we look to him as Lord. Live my Word! Live my Word!"
The pastor smiles, "Out of the mouth of a child! Praise you Jesus! Praise you Jesus!" He then leads in singing an old children's song, "The B-I-B-L-E, yes that's the book for me. I stand alone on the Word of God, the B-I-B-L-E."
During the song Maria whispers to Jeff, "What did you say!"
"I have no idea! No idea. It just happened. Then it was like a wave rolled over me. But I feel great! I feel like God loves me even more than we love each other."
When church ends, Jeff turns around, looking up at the distinguished gentleman behind him. "Are you the man that caught me as a fell?"
"Yes, I am. God has shown you favor."
"Yes he has. But I have no idea what happened."
"You spoke in tongues."
"I did what?"
"God is holy. Our God is an awesome God. He spoke through you."
"Yeah? Yeah! But it didn't make any sense."
"No, he speaks in an unknown language. He then gave it to me in English."
"Wild!"
"Yes, indeed!"
"Why did I get knocked over?"
"God's spirit can be like a blast of wind."
"Yeah! It was! Why did he pick me?"
"Just feel honored. Trust that he knows what he's doing."
"I do! I do!"
"Go where he leads and do what he says."
"I think I go where he leads, but I have no idea what he says."
"Now that God used you in a special way, you can easily understand that he used others to give his message to us in writing. That's what the Bible is. His Word."
"That used to be hocus pocus to me. Now it makes sense. I'm gonna start reading it."
"Good! And follow the message you spoke in tongues. Live his Word."
"How do I do that?"
"Take his Word to heart. You'll get fired up."
"Cool!" |
Title: 5 Pages of incest
Tags: Fiction, Hardcore, Incest, Teen, Young
Introduction:
Hey guys, its my first creation. never tried one story before this. please give good rating. this a work of fiction. no reality in this story at all. the idea just came into my mind. so lets see how horny do you get.
Content:
One fine Sunday morning after coming back from a long bicycle ride I was thinking what to make for breakfast today as my parents were gone to New York for some business work. In the way I stopped at the morning store to buy some canned beans and a loaf of bread for breakfast. “5 bucks for all that sir.” the shopkeeper told me. I gave him the money and came out of the store. While going for my bike I didn’t notice the trash bin in front of me and bumped into it. The dust bin fell and whole of the trash came out of it. In the trash I saw a magazine with heading ‘Incest feelings’ my 15 year old penis hardening up in my track pants. The shopkeeper came to help me. I quickly took the magazine and hid it under my jacket. ” Are you fine boy” he asked me. I replied him yes and started to walk away from there.
The whole way I was thinking about the book and was excited to explore the book after reaching home. I forgot about the breakfast and ridded the bike as fast as I could.
After reaching home I quietly parked my bike in garage and tried to open the door as if I was a thief entering a house. I was thinking about my 12 year old sister Jade. When I left the house she was sleeping but now she must have been up from the bed and watching her morning TV shows.
I sneaked in and saw her sitting in the living room. As I crossed the room door she started to shout on me “where were you James. It’s ten in the morning. Mother gave you only one responsibility of making breakfast and you couldn’t even take care of that”. I got angry and shouted “I had gone to get some bread and beans from the market. Wait for some time I will take a bath and then come down to make some breakfast for you.” Then she came out of the room and saw me holding my jacket as if I was hiding something.
“What is that brother?” She asked
“Nothing jade it’s just that I am feeling cold” I replied
“No it’s not that, you are hiding something from me and if you’ll not tell I will tell it to mom that you buy unwanted things and spend money unnecessarily.”
“No jade it’s not that. I just don’t want to show it to you. You are too small for it.”
“No bro that’s not fair! I will be turning 13 next month please………. Show me what it is.”
“Sis no, I am going up and please don’t disturb me any more”
Then she got away and started to cry. I loved my sister so I couldn’t see her cry. I went near her and tried to get her quiet.
“Bro please if you want me to get happy please show me the thing you have brought from the store. I swear I won’t tell it to mom or dad”
After hearing all this I was really scared and was not able to think any more.
I then reluctantly opened my jacket and showed her the magazine
“Incest feeling”- she read.
“James is this porn magazine?”
“Yes”- I replied
She didn’t know the meaning of incest but by seeing the porno image she could have made it out.
“Jade big boys have their own private life and know I have shown you this magazine so please let me go.”
“No brother “
I was surprised to hear this “no” from her mouth
“I mean I just want to see the magazine if you don’t mind can I see this with you. My friends tell me that they had seen porn on the net. But you don’t even let me touch the PC.”
My penis was charged right now and I couldn’t take it any more. I opened the magazine and we saw the first page
The magazine described sex play of two young brother sisters Anna (13) and Andrew (14)
After viewing the magazine I couldn’t resist any more and wanted to go up to jerk off my penis.
My sister was just astonished and was constantly seeing the page where the brother’s penis was inside the girl’s pussy.
“These kids must be lucky. I can’t believe that they are siblings. I have heard and that couples do have sex but not ever heard about this thing.” My sister said
“Ah……… jade “
“Yes James.” She replied
“Nothing I am going to my room to get fresh and then we will make breakfast.”
At this time I just wanted to go and take out all the stuff inside my hard penis.
I picked up the book and started to walk to wards the staircase.
“Ah. James I wanted to ask you something.” My sister called from behind.
“Don’t you think these kids are very lucky? At just 13 they are experiencing the things that adults do.”
“Yeah” I replied.
“James if you don’t mind. Can we also try it out?”
A cold wave ran in my whole body as I heard this from Jade’s mouth. I couldn’t believe that my sister was asking me for sex. I was completely out of my mind and I replied her yes.
I said her “OK if you say so we will try it out as hey have shown in this book.”
We both forgot the breakfast and turned to the first page of my book.
1st page
On that page the boy was standing nude in front of his sis
So I also removed my clothes and sat on the sofa
“That’s huge” jade said
“Brother your penis is really large.”
She had seen many baby penis but she was surprised to see a 51/2 inches long cock.
2nd page
The girl opened her top and removed her skirt showing her bra and panties and then in the second column she was shown nude.
Jade also followed that and undressed her self
“Wow” I said
“I didn’t know you were that beautiful lil sis.”
Jade was really a preteen beauty. She had medium sized boobs. And her clit was really looking soft
3rd page
Then we saw the boy putting his hand in his sisters vagina.
So I also did that .
“How it’s feeling jade”
“Its pretty good bro.”
Then she holded my hand and continued to move it faster
After then I turned the page
4th page
On this one the sister had his brother whole cock in her mouth
“Would you be able to do this?” I asked jade
“I think so”
Then reluctantly she first kneeled down and then stared at my cock. Then she opened her mouth to first kiss the head of my cock. Then suddenly pre cum oozed out of my penis.
“Uh… what’s that James.”
“Nothing sis its just pre cum. It’s a tasteless liquid which comes out of a men’s penis when he is on.”
Then she finally took the penis into her mouth and slided her tongue over the head .
It felt like being in heaven at that time.
“Sis. Just take my penis into your mouth deeper it feels so good”
And then she started to slide the penis. As she did I came near climax and was know willing to burst out. But I thought I couldn’t take out this stuff in my sis mouth so I warned her. But she didn’t got away.
“let it come bro I am thisrty for you”
I seemed that she was horny at this time.
“uh.. uh uha. Hmmm.. “
Cum blasred from my cock
“ sis I am sorry for that I squirted into your mouth.”
I was shocked to see that she drank all the cum that came into her mouth and rest I ejacuated on the carpet.
I thought that this would be the end of our first encounter with each other but no my penis didn’t even sat down 1 inch it was still erect after the ejacuation. I was so surprised to see that because his had not happened with me before .
Then I turned the page
5th page .(the final one)
This seemed to be the last page of the book and on this one was the most difficult task.
The boy was this time FUCKING her sister hard.
After seeing that page I asked my sis the most personal questions.
“Hey jade tell me do you have had periods”
“No bro but mom told me that I will be soon having one in next few months”
“Ok then”
“but why did you asked this?”
“coz if you started having those we would not be able to do the next step of this book”
Then she didn’t asked any thing else and went in the position to get fucked by her brother.
I first licked her clit to make it wet as I knew she hadn’t started to produce juices right know.
Then I went close to her.
“ok Jade if you want to stop at any time just tell me”
“ok bro”
Then I inserted my penis inside her clit. It was bit tricky as her clit was vey small at this time.
“can you get the feeling sis”
She stated to moan at this time
“are you ok jade”
“yes james it feels so good. Why don’t you try as I moved your penis in my mouth.”
I wanted to fulfill her wish also so I did as she said.
“Is it good?’
“Yeah bro it feels so good I wish we could do it for long”
“Then I started to move faster and was feeling that I was coming near climax again”
“faster james harer deeper I could feel you inside me bro keep on showing your magic”
“I also felt her pussy grasping me cock”
Then suddenly I started to kiss her like a boyfriend. I forgot that she was my sister.
“Oh jade I love you so much you are the best sis in the world”
I cummed into her again.
“Oh brother I wish you had been my boyfriend then we must have being doing this all the time”
“If we are not we could be one” I replied.
Then I closed the book. We kept staring each other for some time and then I got up to go to my room get clean and make the break fast.
My mother called up and told us that they were coming 2 days late from their scheduled time.
Then after this I kept this book in our room and we did this again for couple of times. |
Title: 5 Sex Jokes
Tags: Sex Joke
Introduction:
Hope you like it.
Content:
1. I was sitting
on my own in a
restaurant, when I
saw a beautiful
woman at another
table. I sent her a
bottle of the most
expensive wine on
the menu. She
sent me a note: "I
will not touch a
drop of this wine
unless you can
assure me that
you have seven
inches in your
pants." So I wrote
back: "Give me the
wine. As gorgeous
as you are, I'm not
cutting off three
inches for anyone.
2. A teacher is
teaching a class
and she sees that
Johnny isn't paying
attention, so she
asks him, "If there
are three ducks
sitting on a fence,
and you shoot one,
how many are
left?" Johnny says,
"None." The
teacher asks,
"Why?" Johnny
says, "Because the
shot scared them
all off." The
teacher says, "No,
there are two left,
but I like how
you're thinking."
Then Johnny asks
the teacher, "You
see three women
walking out of an
ice cream parlor.
One is licking her
ice cream, one is
sucking her ice
cream, and one is
biting her ice
cream. Which one
is married?" And
the teacher
responds, "The
one sucking her ice
cream." Johnny
says, "No, the one
with the wedding
ring, but I like how
you're thinking
3. Arnold
Schwarzenegger
has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a
small one,
Madonna doesn't
have one, The
Pope has one but
doesn't use it,
Dominique
Strauss-Khan uses
his all the time.
What is it? Its a last
name and shame
on you for thinking
it was something
else.
4. A little girl
and boy are
fighting about the
differences
between the
sexes, and which
gender is better.
Finally, the boy
drops his pants
and says, "Here's
something I have
that you'll never
have!" The little girl
is pretty upset by
this, since it is
clearly true, and
runs home crying.
A while later, she
comes running
back with a smile
on her face. She
lifts her dress,
drops her knickers,
and yells, "My
mommy says that
with one of these,
I can have as
many of those as I
want!
5. Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her vagina. He asks her what it is and she embarassed replies, "Oh, that's mommy's black sponge." A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, "Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!" She replies, "I lost it, honey." A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, "Mommy, I found your black sponge!" Mystified, she says, "Where, honey?" Little Johnny says, "It's over at Mrs. Johnson's house, and Daddy's washing his face in it!" |
Title: 5 The Van two houses
Tags: Fiction, Cum Swallowing, Male / Females, Mind Control, Prostitution, Slavery
Introduction:
This is purely a work of fantasy, and all events described take place only in the imagination. Any attempt to re-create any of these scenarios in real life will result in felony charges when discovered by the authorities. Non-consonantal ANYTHING is morally wrong, but fortunately, it's not against the law to dream yet.
Content:
Out in the van, Sarah got in the passenger seat, and Brian took off the jacket before getting in. He had Sarah pass him the guns, and he put both shoulder holsters on, then covered them up with the jacket. Once in the van, he practiced drawing them a few times, then nodded to himself and started it up.
He thought about driving past once, just to get the scope of it, but then decided not. He didn't want to give away the advantage of surprise when someone other than Brad was seen behind the wheel.
There was an open spot out front, so he pulled in to it and shut the van off.
“Stay out here for two minutes, then come inside like everything is normal.” Brian told her. He went up the walk and entered without knocking, using one of the extra keys on the ring that Brad had given him with the van.
“Who the fuck are you?” asked a man sitting on a chair, lust inside.
“Brad sold me his van.” Brian said. “Are we going to have a problem?”
“Hey, I got no problem.” the man said, sizing Brian up. He could easily spot the pistols hiding beneath the suit jacket. He knew those guns well. “Ain't my pay scale.”
Just then, Sarah came in.
“Hi, Joe.” she said brightly. “I'm home.”
“Hi, Sarah, welcome back!” Joe smiled. “Your room is just how you left it.”
“Thanks, Joe.” Sarah said, giving him a hug. “It's really good to be back; I missed this everyone so much!”
“Sarah, the rules have changed, remember?” Brian said, gently. “You're allowed to visit your sister now.”
“What the fuck?” Joe asked.
Brian turned on him, and the anger was back. Immediately, and with full force. He swallowed hard, then decided to let his guard down for a single second and give the van control, just to see what it would do.
A tenth of that second was spent drawing the gun out of the left holster. Two tenths were spent bringing the weapon to bear on Joe's face, and the remainder was spent while Joe blinked a few times, standing as still as he knew how.
“Brad retired to Europe.” Brain said. “He sold me his van this morning before he left. The keys to these houses were on the ring, so I'm assuming responsibility for them, too. Is there a problem?”
“Nope, not a single one.” Joe said, sweating. “Eddie might have a problem, but not me.”
“Right.” Brian said, un-cocking the pistol and putting it back away. “I suggest you not question me again.”
“Yes sir, I'll remember that, sir.” Joe said, with new respect in his eyes. That draw had been faster than anything he'd ever seen.
“Joe, do me a favor and call all the girls into the living room, please.” Brian said. Joe went over to an intercom and hesitated before pushing a button.
“Both houses, sir?” he asked. Brian nodded, so he pushed the button and spole.
“Attention, ladies. Please come to the living room at 418.” he said. “You have one minute. Come as you are.”
There was a sudden flurry of motion and a swarm of girls came downstairs together, herding into the living room and chattering excitedly. Three seconds later, the front door burst open and another group of girls swept in, bathrobes and evening wear on pretty much all of them. The din in the living room tripled.
Brian went and stood in the doorway, his arms folded across his chest and a stern look on his face. Sarah was standing meekly behind him.
“Go take your place, Sarah.” he told her, and she scurried to an empty spot on the couch with a big smile on her face. At the sound of his voice, a sudden hush fell over the room and every eye turned toward him.
He did a quick head count and saw that there were a total of sixteen girls in there. The oldest look to be in her early twenties, and the youngest he recognized as a girl from his own class who had dropped out unexpectedly in the third week of the year and never heard from again.
“Hello, Marissa.” he said quietly. She jumped, startled that he knew her name, and then she recognized him, sort of. His appearance had changed so much!
“Brian? Brian Matthews?” she asked, astounded.
“It's me.” he said, grinning. “Are you sure you don't want to go to the Spring Dance with me?”
“Oh my God!” she whispered. Her old life seemed such a distant memory, and it had only been a few months since... since she'd been a virgin.
“Don't worry, I'm your new Master.” he told her. “All of your have a new Master now.” he said to the room. A little buzz started up at that, but one look from him was all it took to silence it.
“I'm driving the van.” he told them. “It tried to drive me, but I'm much stronger than the van. I'm stronger than you, too; all of you alone and all of you together, I'm stronger than you. Test me, and you WILL fail. I promise. And if there's one thing I have in common with Brad, it's that I keep my promises.”
“With a new Master come new rules.” he told them. “That means the old rules no longer apply, and you may respectfully ask respectful questions of me. All outstanding punishments are hereby canceled.”
Sarah raised her hand and asked a question that she already knew the answer to, so she could show the other girls how it should be done properly. Brian nodded and smiled at her, indicating that she may speak.
“If punishments are canceled, that means I may visit with my sister?” she asked.
Brian smiled wider. 'That is correct. You may sit beside Heather right now if would like.”
Sarah practically darted over to the other couch and sat next to her identical twin sister, who had tears of joy in her face.
Heather was afraid to take her eyes off Brian, afraid she would displease him somehow and this fragile bubble of happiness she lived in would burst. His voice was like music to her ears, however, and it wouldn't stop playing.
“In fact,” he said, “Since you two haven't seen each other in so long, you are both dismissed from duties for the rest of the day and may be together.”
The two sisters weren't the only ones crying tears of happiness. There was hardly a dry eye in the room.
“Now, on to the unpleasantness.” he continued. “I know for a fact that every one of you has punishment money due to Brad. Every single one of you, and I know how much they are. I hereby command you to bring me half it it, in a nondescript bag. You have fifteen minutes to return to this room with it.”
In less than one minute the whole room was empty, save Sarah. In less than five minutes, everyone was back, and there were 15 duffle bags and day packs in the middle of the room.
“The other half of the punishment money is yours to keep.” he told them. “Go shopping with it. Buy stuff for yourselves, stuff that you want. No cars, and only one third of the money may be spent on lingerie for men to look at.”
“Andrea, would you come here, please?” Brian asked one of the girls. She was about twenty, with long dark hair and brilliant green eyes. She had the most modest clothing on as well. Instead of push up or half-cup bras, she was wearing an opaque red kimono, fully closed. Nothing could hide the hourglass of her figure, and anything she wore would be sexy, even gray sweats. Small wonder she was here.
“Andrea, you were tricked into the van, weren't you?” he asked gently. “You didn't go over to it by yourself, did you? Brad brought you to his van and didn't tell you what would happen once you got in.”
“Yes, that's true.” she said, her eyes tearing up. “It was the worst thing that ever happened to me.”
“Do you want to be free?” he asked. She looked at him hopefully. “Do you want to take your punishment money and walk away from this life forever?”
“Is that possible?” she asked.
“I think so.” he said. “For your sake, I truly hope so. I know how much you don't want to be here. I know how much taking you would strengthen me, and I'm not willing to pay that price, even if Brad was.”
Brian led her to the door and out to the van. Inside, he made her kneel before him, while he sat in the Captain's chair. He took a dog collar and leash out of his pocket, something he'd brought with him from Rebecca's house. Their terrier could get new ones, if she didn't have a spare already.
He took the kimono off her, exposing her nakedness as she knelt, then buckled the collar around her neck. I was blue and studded with fake gemstones.
“Brad took you, but I own you now.” he told her. “Sayit, if it's true.”
“Brad took me, and you own me now.” she repeated. He clipped the shiny metal chain leash to the collar at the throat, then ran his hand the length of the chain to find the leather handle, letting her feel the tug of it.
“I own your mouth, your pussy, and your ass.” he smiled at her. “I own your heart, mind, and soul, too.”
“Yes sir.” she said, then he got up and led her out of the van and back into the house.
“Kneel.” he ordered her, pointing to a spot in the middle of the floor. He made a show of putting the leash on the floor in front of her, then went over to the biggest duffel bag and zipped it open. He took her day pack out of the pile and pit it into the duffel and brought it over to her.
He picked up her leash and showed her the handle. “I'm going to remove that collar forever, if you wish.”
She looked at him, pleading. “No, I need it.” she said. 'Please don't take it off.”
“If you need it, then I won't.” he said. “What I will do is this.”
He handed her the leather handle. “You may give this to whomever you wish. You may also take it back and give it to someone else, if the first one wasn't a good Master. Go up to your room and pack, and if you cannot find a good Master, you may return here and present yourself to me. Go to your room and pack. In one week, if you're not back, another girl will be living in your room and there will be no place for you here.”
To his great surprise, when he went out to the van with his first load of money bags, he was surprised to see a girl sitting in the passenger seat, looking anxious. Brian threw the side door open, startling her.
“Hello, can I help you?” he smiled at her. She was young, maybe seventeen at the oldest, still in high school for sure. This city had nine high schools, though, so it was no surprise he didn't recognize her.
“I sure hope so.” she said, licking her lips. “I saw this van across the street when I was walking home from school, and I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry, I know I'm not supposed to be over here, my Mom has told me a million times, and it always scared me before, but today... I was scared at all, and the feeling I had inside me... I just had to come over here and sit in it.”
Her words came all in a gush, and she seemed unable to stem the flow.
“I know it's... naughty to sit in a stranger's van, mister, but I couldn't help myself. I'll do whatever you want to make up for it.” Her eyes flicked to the back, where the bed was.
“How old are you, and what's your name?” he asked, starting the van.
“I'm Morgan Miller and I'll be seventeen next July.” she said.
“Next July? You know it's September, right? That means you just turned sixteen.”
“Yes sir.” she said, hanging her head in shame. “I'm sorry I lied.”
“Hey!” he said sharply, making her look at him. “You're not a liar, especially to me, got it?”
“Yes sir.” she said, shivering.
“Where do you live?” he asked her. She pointed at the house on the end of this street, the only one on the other side. A fire had swept through the neighbourhood a decade ago, and it had never been rebuilt, just the blackened shells torn down. |
Title: 6000 Mile Surprise
Tags: Fiction, Asian, Girls domination, Male / Female Teens, School, Teen Male/Teen Female, Teen Male/Teen Females, Virginity
Introduction:
This is my first story, so please make suggestions for improvement if needed. No part of this story is true. It is did not happen, no male, female, dog, cat, or kangaroo was hurt in the writing of this story. This story is about a group of teen girls visiting from China giving a shy teen boy a bit of a shock and pleasure.
Content:
A high school choir from China is visiting California for a competition. My dad, being the leader in the group that liaises with the Chinese organized the choir to visit here in Seattle as well on their way back to China. My dad asked me to help out during the weekend that the choir was here to look after some loose ends and to do some translations when they needed it. The choir consists of almost 60 students, all of them were, of course, Chinese. They were all around the age of 14-15 with a couple of them 16. Of the 60 students, probably 50 of them were girls.
I guess a little introduction about myself. I'm Robert, people call me Robert, Rob, Bob, but I don't care as long as they can get my attention. I'm 16 and in a few months will be 17. I'm an average kind of guy, leaning towards being a nerd. I'm not too heavily into any after school sports teams or clubs and I'm a little shy. I'm the type where I go to school, learn some stuff, go home, do homework, have some lessons, and get good grades. Nothing spectacular. As such, you can already imagine that I'm not built with a six pack and crazy biceps. I'm not skinny either, a little towards the chubby side, but not fat or obese. I stand at 5'7" and weigh 160 lbs. Yes, you can probably tell that I'm Chinese too, so let the stereotypes begin...
I've never had any experience with girls. I'm not close with any girls at school as all my friends were guys. The most I did with a girl was just talk to them in class or with people I meet elsewhere. Don't get me wrong, I do get along with people (including girls) just fine. It might be because of my Chinese upbringing with parents strongly opposing any girlfriends before college and that I should focus on school that I never had any experience with girls.
Anyways, enough about me and back to the weekend. It was a warm August Friday that the choir arrived at Sea-Tac. Since it was summer vacation, I went with my dad to meet them at their hotel that we booked for them. When they got their, I saw the whole group enter the hotel lobby and I helped distribute the keys to their rooms for each group of 4 or 5. The guys would stay with guys and girls with the girls. Everyone was very shy at this point, with me just saying "Hi" and directing them to the elevators while they just thanked me.
We brought them to a Chinese restaurant nearby and had a nice chat with a group of them. I didn't know their names as we didn't formally introduced each other, but they did know I'm Robert. The next afternoon they had their local performance at a nearby church. Everything went without a hitch and by 4 o'clock, we were all cleaned up and left the church. A local business who sponsored the performance had offered to organize a BBQ for the choir later that evening. The choir went back to the hotel to change from their performance outfits and my dad and I went home to recharge and change.
At 6 o'clock, we arrived at the hotel to bring the choir the business. They ran a restaurant and they had a nice-sized yard behind it. They had set up grills out there and we all settled ourselves in.
My dad spent the rest of the BBQ socializing with the principals of the school and officials from China. I went and grabbed stuff to eat and was standing alone under a tree and watched the choir all formed into cliques chatting with each other. As I was taking a bit out of my pork chop, the group of girls that I talked to the day before walked over. We chatted about how different school is between China and here and this time I got to know their names.
There were 4 girls, all around 5'3. Mabel was skinny with long black hair that was tied to a ponytail. Rebecca had shorter hair that went to her shoulders. She had dyed a couple strands of her hair on the right side a very light brown. Emily was the tallest of the bunch and was the curviest of the bunch. Jessie had long black hair that flowed to her shoulderblades and had these gorgeous brown eyes. Her body was the best of the bunch as it was in the perfect proportion. I didn't notice it at that particular moment as that wasn't what I was focused on. I complimented how they had non-traditional Chinese English names and they told me it was because they all came from a higher middle class family where they were exposed to more Western Culture.
Rebecca then asked me a question that surprised me.
"Do you have a girlfriend?", she asked.
"No, I don't. Not planning to have one anytime soon", I responded.
Mabel then chimed in, "Our school has so many couples."
"I can imagine that, cause we do too over here," I told her.
"All over the school after classes are over, you find these couple... you know...", Jessie said while winking.
At that moment, I can see all these teenagers fucking in their school uniforms around the school yards in my mind.
Keeping my composure, I denied that happening here by saying "That definitely doesn't happen here."
I can feel my cock getting a little hard, but it went away as we went on and talked just about life in general and what we liked.
During the conversation, Emily looked in her purse then suddenly almost yelling, "I can't find my camera. Maybe I left it at the hotel."
So then I took the group over to where my dad and their teachers was talking and they ask if they can go back to the hotel to get it. Their teacher was at first reluctant, but then let them go on the condition that they had someone to bring them back there. The girls asked the teacher if I can bring them to the hotel. Their teacher asked my dad and he said yes. All of which happened without me saying a single word or agreeing. And so, I led the 4 of them back to the hotel. Once we got to the hotel lobby, I offered to wait for them at the lobby and told them to take their time.
"Come up too so you can help us find it", Mabel said. I reluctantly agreed and we went up the elevator to the 11th floor of the hotel. The hotel was a pretty nice one. A 3.5 star hotel near the downtown core and it was very clean and spacious. We got into the room that the 4 of them were staying, The 4 of them went in first and I followed. I just stood by the bed as I didn't know where to look and didn't really do anything. Without notice, Emily and Jessie pushed me onto one of the bed. All 4 of them were giggling and I was in a state of shocked.
"What's going on here?", I asked while Mabel and Rebecca were trying to pull my t-shirt off. I kept pulling my shirt back down, but Emily and Jessie helped out and successfully pulled the shirt off my head and threw in onto the couch at the other side of the room.
"Oooh, look, That's a nice smooth body", one of them commented, "a really small, cute belly too". By now, Jessie and Mabel were rubbing my nipples. Emily was staring at my crotch, which is starting to tent a bit from the good feeling from the nipple rubbing.
"We just had a sex-ed course last year and we always wanted to look at someone real", Jessie told me whilst still rubbing my nipple.
I've never seen a girl naked before either. I knew that I should not be in this situation and asked if we can go back to the park. With all the girls seemingly ignoring me, Emily all of a sudden put her hand on top of my crotch.
"Look! It's growing and it's hot!", she added. With that she unbuttoned my cargo shorts, unzipped them, and pulled them free, while the others were holding me back. My boxers were those with an open fly and one of them, sitting from the side exclaimed, "I can see it, I can see it." At this point I knew it was a lost cause to fight them. Without further time wasting, Emily, yanked by boxers off and threw them with my shirt. Mabel took off my ankle socks and now I'm lying on their hotel bed fully naked with 4 fully clothes teenaged girls who were younger than me. Jessie ran his hand over my black pubes that was growing above my cock. My cock was fully hard.
"He has a foreskin...so he's uncut. See, I do learn something in class," exclaimed Jessie and she then proceeded to pull my foreskin down as it hasn't fully retracted. "Look at the red head, that looks so different from the books. It's so cool!", she continued. All four girls gazed further down and focused on my balls. Each of the girls gave them a touch then a little tug. Now that they've examined my body, Jessie, without warning, leaned down and put my cock into her mouth. I groaned and my eyes shot wide open, staring at her, but it felt so good to resist her. Up and down her head went, all the while her licking the head with her tongue. All I can come up with was "Ooooh... Ahhhh...". The other 3 girls, standing there watching figured it was a good time for them to strip down. They took their t-shirts off and jeans or shorts off, revealing a wide variety of different colored bra and panties. Emily was wearing a black bra with matching panties, Rebecca wore a deep red bra again with matching panties, and Mabel was in her white bra with a pinkish-white pantie. Emily told Jessie that she would take over so that she can take off her clothes.
Jessie took off her white tank top and long khaki shorts very quickly and threw them to the side. Without any hesitation, she unhooked her bra and revealed a nice pair of round and decently sized breasts. Her brown nipples slightly larger than a quarter complemented her breasts perfectly. I bet Emily felt my cock twitch when I saw the pair of beautiful breasts. She continued down and took off her panties very slowly; first showing her tuff of black pubic hair, then revealing her wet pussy. She then bent down and wrapped her arm around my neck. Very slowly, her head inches closer and closer with mine until our lips touched. Her tongue darted into my mouth. For a split second, I didn't know what to do. Then I our tongues found each other and we went on a very long passionate kiss. As our kiss ended, she took both my hands into hers and positioned them on top of her soft breasts and encouraged me to take a squeeze. I complied and squeezed them softly and then rubbed my hands all around. I heard a small moan from Jessie. The sucking of my cock seemed to have stopped and I looked up to see all 3 of the other girls took this time to take their underwear off.
Four girls now stood completely nude around me. Jessie and her dream body was kneeling on the right side of the bed, ready to attend to me. On the left side, Mabel stood with the smallest tits of them all, just barely a bump and I assumed she was also the youngest. Emily stood beside Mabel and had the largest breasts of them all, but not oversized for her body. Rebecca had average breasts for her age and a nicely trimmed bush.
With me still lying flat on the bed, Jessie climbed onto it, then straddled one of her leg over and sat onto my chest. I felt her warm and wet pussy contacted my chest. She scooted forward until her pussy was right up against my face with her squatting. Without any more cues, I stuck my tongue out and started to find her clit with my tongue. She gave a powerful moan and asked me to continue and I complied with her now thrusting back and forth. I took a second to look down and see one of the girls giving me a handjob, trying to mimic the tempo of Jessie's thrusting. I asked her if she was enjoying it and she just swiftly nodded her head and bit her lips as she brushed her long hair back. I continued circling her clit and decided to take a gamble and stuck 2 of my fingers into her soaking wet pussy.
"YESSSS....", she exclaimed in total enjoyment. I felt that I couldn't last too much longer with the stroking from the other girls. I stopped licking Jessie and yelled, "I'm going to cum, I'm going TO CUMMMMM!", then without wasting anymore time, white fluid gushed out of my cock and covered my body and Rebecca's hands.
Clearly disappointed, Jessie said, "Come on. That was too fast." She climbed off of me and started to lick the semen off my belly. The other girls followed suit and within no time, all the cum were off my body. Jessie gave my still hard cock a final suck to clean it from excess cum.
"Looks like he wants more," Emily pointed at my cock which still haven't softened while giggling. I was about to get off the bed before the girls held me back. "We're not done with you," Mabel informed me. Once again, Jessie climbed on top of me and took my cock with her hand. She positioned herself facing me and moved my cock until it barely touched her pussy. She teased me by moving me cock around the outside of her pussy lips. Finally, she couldn't stand it any longer herself and put my cock into her tight wet pussy. She gave a soft moan, then screamed like she was hurt. I asked her if she was ok and she nodded. After regaining her composure, she started to move up and down. Trying to find a comfortable position, she leaned backwards with her hands on the bed to support her body. This gave me a clear view of her gleaming wet pussy with my cock inside of it. The feeling I got was indescribable. It felt hundreds of times better than them sucking it earlier. Now thrusting back and forth, Jessie continued on a steady tempo. After having to watch all of this, the other girls felt left out. Mabel and Rebecca each started to suck my nipples again with Emily climbing on top with her pussy just above my face in a now familiar position. I extended my tongue and gave her the same treatment I gave Jessie earlier. Mabel and Rebecca each grabbed one of my hand and placed it onto their pussy. I stuck my fingers into their wet pussies and continued an in and out motion at the same tempo as Jessie's thrusting.
I felt like I was in heaven. The four girls were all yelling and moaning and made my cock even harder. Back and forth Jessie went, in and out my fingers were of Mabel and Rebecca's pussies, and around and around my tongue circled Emily's pussy. Jessie's thrusting went faster and faster, as did my fingers. Jessie's yelling got louder and louder too.
"Oh my god, I don't think I can stand any longer," Jessie yelled.
"Me neither," I told her very loudly. "Oh, oh, ohhhh," I screamed as cum once again came out of my cock and this time right into Jessie's pussy. At the same time, Jessie yelled, "YESS, YESSSSSSS, YESSS", and I felt her pussy contracting. After the cum stopped, Jessie pulled my cock out of her pussy and just sat down between my legs. Her pussy was full of juice and white cum. The other 3 girls just stared at us in awe.
"That was amazing. Thank you girls," I said showing my gratitude.
"No, thank you," was all Jessie can mutter.
"I think we better get back to the park. They might get suspicious soon." I told them and I went and tried to sort out our clothes to find mine.
"Can I keep your boxers? I'll give you my panties," Jessie asked and offered. I threw her my boxers and stuffed her panties into my pocket. We quickly got dressed, minus underwear for me and Jessie, and headed back to the park.
The next day, I went to the airport with my Dad to say goodbye to the group. The girls came up to me and thanked me again. Jessie gave me a wink as she stepped behind the frosted glass door of the restricted area. Deep in my heart, I told her "Thanks for the wonderful time, I will never forget it." |
Title: 60 Minute Man (Supernatural FAnfiction)
Tags: Fantasy, Bondage and restriction, Fan fiction
Introduction:
DeanxJo Dean pays Jo a visit at the Roadhouse...and they find themselves tied up. Smutty OS involving light bondage.
Content:
Dean Winchester was a womanizing asshat. For years, he perfected the art of getting into and out of women's beds quickly. He doesn't do sleepovers or breakfast. Hell, most women were lucky if he bothered waiting for them to fall asleep before he left.
For a while, he was all about lovin' and leavin' 'em. There was a time when he just got on with the show. Foreplay? What was that? And falling asleep? Forget it!
That was before he met Joanna Beth Harvelle. They say the certain people change your life. It may be for the best, it may be for the worst...but for the most part, they just do. You meet them when you least expect it. At the grocery store or at school. Sometimes at a restaurant or a bar. In this case, her mother's bar...
This isn't the first time he's come by to see her and he knows it won't be the last. He waited until the coast was clear before moving from a table in the darkened corner of the Roadhouse to the bar itself. Ellen was gone. She'd been gone for 20 minutes. The last of the customers was shuffling out the door.
A calloused hand strokes over her forearm as she leans in to talk to him. He pushes a stray honey blonde curl behind her ear with the other and trails his fingers down the line of her jaw. He kisses her, slow and deep, grunting at the counter between them and the way it keeps him from pressing her body fully against his own.
"Let's go upstairs," he murmurs over her lips.
Jo hears "Let's have sex." Not like she hasn't thought about it. Not like she hasn't known from the moment he walked through her door that this was where things were heading. Still, she nods and locks up.
He takes her hand, smiling as he leads her to the room he knows is hers and making her gasp as his fingers slip into her hair and tilt her mouth up to his in the moonlit hallway. "Do you trust me?"
Do you trust me? That was laughable. Did she trust that he was a good hunter - perhaps even the best? - yes. Without question. Did she trust him not to break her heart? No. But she wasn't willing to turn him away because of it.
She nods and kisses him quickly before she can change her mind.
"Close your eyes," he says softly.
Jo's lids drop obediently. She fights the urge to crack them open as she feels something soft tighten around her face. "Dean? What...?"
He peppers her face with kisses. Her lips. Her jaw. The tip of her nose. "Shh..." he soothes her.
Jo feels her feet leave the floor as Dean sweeps her into his arms. He carries her into her bedroom, kicking the door shut behind them, and sets her down, slowly stripping her out of her clothes without removing the blindfold.
Her senses are heightened. She feels each caress tenfold. The brush of his lips over bare skin. The tease of rough fingers over a firm breast and its stiff nipple. The taste of his tongue. The sound of his breathing.
"Dean..." she whimpers, reaching for him and longing to see the desire in his eyes. She knows it's there. She can feel it. Taste it in the way he kisses her. "Please..."
He lowers her, warm and naked, to the bed. She feels his skin pressing against hers and tries to push closer to the hard heat of him. His hands close around her wrists and she feels a silken cording looping around them.
For a brief second, she panics. Sam tied her up when he was possessed. Was Dean driven by an unspeakable force? She struggles slightly, biting her lip and trying not to cry out. She's too proud to beg. Too scared to ask what's going on.
His breath scorches her throat as he hovers over her. As if sensing her insecurity, voice husky, he says, "I'll stop if you want me to..."
The sincerity in his words - the tenderness and uncertainty - fillet her. It opens her heart and her body. Fills her with desire and want. Swallowing, she nods in answer.
Dean's big hands map the curves of Jo's body. They drag over her in tantalizing strokes ranging from barely there whispers to heavy handed groping. He grows drunk on the way his name escapes her parted lips as her body arches into his touch. He's damn sure going to take his time. Going to remember every minute. Going to have something to take with him when he goes back on the road.
His mouth follows his hands. Gentle flicks of his tongue. Nibbles not quite hard enough to leave marks. Kisses and suckling from her lips to her tiny ankles. He torments her, making her wait until her pleas become breathy.
Sliding over her, a fine mist of sweat coating them both as they fight to hold back, he peels the blindfold away. He wants to see her eyes when he enters her. Wants to feel the connection he's only ever had with her.
Tight and white hot, she consumes him. Her body greedily sucks him in, squeezing as he rocks into her. He steadies her hips, wrapping her legs around his waist and driving deeper, causing them both to moan.
He doesn't release her hands. He couldn't handle the added sensation of her touch. This is new. Different. And, as he watches the way she grips the bonds for leverage, he knows he's not the only one enjoying it.
Flexing his abs and changing the angle again, his fingers dig into her hips. He scrapes his lightly stubbled jaw against hers and breath catches in both of their throats.
They tumble into the abyss together, their bodies jerking together in a tangled mess as Dean tugs Jo free to feel the dig of her nails on his shoulders as she rides out the waves of her orgasm.
Kissing her shoulder, he crumbles, "Jo. God, Jo..."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Supernatural ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Dean startles awake to the feel of Jo's soft mouth teasing across his lower abdomen. He licks his lips at the delicious sensations she creates and moves to run his fingers through her hair only to find himself tethered to the headboard with the silk ties he'd used on her earlier in the evening.
Her tongue testing his nipple before circling his tattoo, she hovers over him. Mischief coloring her smile and eyes sparkling, she asks, "You want me to stop, Deano?"
And miss this moment? Hell no. He shakes his head.
Delicate fingers wrap around his shaft and she tugs gently, earning a moan. She pumps him slowly and deliberately before straddling his hips and sinking onto him.
He watches her ride him, the gentle sway of her breasts mesmerizing in the pale moonlight streaming through the bedroom window. He relishes seeing her take control and letting her set the pace. It's not often he gives in and gives himself over this way. It's special. Different.
Leaning down, Jo snares Dean's mouth with her own. The change in angle - the added stimulation to the bundle of nerves nestled between her thighs - makes her shiver. "Dean..." she keens.
"Mmm," he hums encouragingly. "That's it, baby," he tells her. "Take what you need."
She whimpers, her hands on his shoulders as she quickens her pace. The pattern of her undulating hips is slightly erratic and he leans up to catch her mouth. The clench of her body around his makes him yank until he slips one of his wrists free.
Shifting her beneath him, he makes her scream his name as he strokes mercilessly into her. Over and over. Hard and fast.
"Dean... Oh, God..."
They collapse together. Hearts pounding and breathing labored. For a change, he doesn't move when she snuggles close. Instead, he draws her thigh across his and tucks the sheet around them both.
"That was..." she starts.
He smirks, more than satisfied and wondering how long he can keep Jo from getting out of bed. "Oh, yeah..."
Seven Minutes in Heaven may work for the teenage set, but 60+ minutes in the heaven of Jo Harvelle's body? That would never be enough.. |
Title: 66 reasons why it's great to be a guy
Tags: Sex Joke
Content:
Ms. Nice Gal - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have"
Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat.
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly.
Disadvantages: May wise up someday.
Old Yeller - "You goddamn spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable?"
Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell.
Advantages: Pays attention to you.
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans.
Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite"
Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy.
Advantages: Predictable.
Disadvantages: Contagious.
The Bosser - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."
Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom.
Advantages: Often right.
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?
Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair colour?"
Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c'mon Honey.
Advantages: Easily soothed.
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed.
Wild Woman out of Control - "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun."
Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out.
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys.
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs.
Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at"
Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly.
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you.
Disadvantages: You will have no friends.
Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship"
Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic.
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable.
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud.
Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now"
Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous.
Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited.
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you. |
Title: 69 Classic
Tags: Fantasy
Introduction:
What happens when a girl has car trouble in the rain
Content:
"Damnit, damnit!" I whined aloud to myself seeing the steam pouring out from under the hood of my rental car. I looked down at the temperature gauge and saw that it was off the charts. "That's what I get for renting a Ford Taurus... jeezus! These new cars just can't handle highway speeds..." I was mumbling to myself as I raised the hood of the new white Taurus, forgetting that I'd had the accelerator all the way to the floor. The heat of a July sun beat down on my bare shoulders as I stood there, semi bent over, hands on the driver side fender. I kicked the tire brutally, then wished I hadn't. "Guess I shouldn't have worn these sandals." I reached through the window to grab my cell phone, exposing more of my toned rear end to the elements as the denim mini I wore hiked up my thighs. As I struggled to grasp the phone, my feet left the asphalt and I could feel the heat of the Montana sun warming my ass through my pink silk panties. "Hey there... having some car trouble?" came a mocking voice from behind me. Embarrassed, and turning as pink as the panties I wore, I eased my feet back onto the ground and turned to face the man leaning against the rear quarter of the Taurus. He was over six feet tall, wearing a pair of button fly levis, a white tee shirt and a black cowboy hat... a Stetson I think they call it. "Car trouble? Is that what you call this? Here I am, in 90 degree heat, with a BRAND new car, stranded along side I-90. What do YOU think?!?" I snapped. "Well then," he laughed, "I guess you have it all figured out. Guess I'll just be on my way." He turned to leave then, and I could feel the anger rising inside me. As he turned, I could see he had probably the nicest ass I'd ever seen. And as I looked beyond him, expecting to see a beat to hell Chevy pick up, instead I saw a gorgeous black Ford Mustang, a GT500. Reevaluating my situation, I called to him, "Wait! Wait, please... I'm sorry I was so rude, but it's... it's just," I gasped somewhat breathlessly, "just so hot, and I'm all by myself out here." I pushed up the strap of my tank and walked toward him. "Could you just give me a lift?" "Where to?" he asked. "I... I don't care - anywhere." We flew down the interstate, the car taching six grand. The black leather beneath me, began to stick to my thighs. I arched my back and pulled my skirt up, allowing the rushing air from the window to cool me down. "By the way, my name is Lilah," I said. The driver said nothing, but I could tell he could hardly keep his eyes on the road. When I saw a turn off ahead, I suggested he take it. We could cool off in the shade of the trees along side the road perhaps? As he eased the car into the tall green grass beneath the trees, thunder crackled overhead and big heavy drops of rain began to fall. I got out of the car, imagining how wonderful the cool rain would feel on my hot sticky skin. I placed my hands on the hood of the car... the metal burned my hands. As the rain fell, the metal cooled down and I became even hotter. My black tank stuck to me, showing very clearly my hard nipples beneath the light cotton fabric. By now, the mysterious cowboy had joined me in the rain. I turned and looked into his eyes hungrily, then placed my hands back on the hood of the car. He reached around me and unbuttoned the front of the skirt I wore, peeling it down my thighs and throwing it onto the roof of the car. Next, he pulled my wet top off... his eyes devoured my braless tits, nipples pink and hard, rain dripping of the erect nubs. He took the right nipple into his mouth, suckling hungrily, pinching the other between his thumb and index finger. He continued his assault on my wet sensitive nipples, pushing me down on my back to the hood of the car. He pulled my panties off, leaving my bare pussy lips exposed to the driving rain. The heat of the engine radiated through the hood and mingled with the cool rain running down the crack of my ass. The cowboy lowered his head to my cunt, wet with my own juices as well as the rain. He drew the pink lips wide apart and thrust his tongue into my tight wet hole, driving me mad. He nibbled on my clit and continued eating my pussy as the rain beat against the hot metal and skin. Slipping two fingers inside of me, he began fucking me to ecstasy while sucking on my engorged pink clit. I was moaning and crying out, begging him to let me cum when he pulled me off the hood and pushed me to my knees in the wet grass. I quickly pulled the buttons on his jeans apart and pulled the pants down to his ankles. I licked my lips when I saw the huge bulge awaiting me inside his underwear. I peeled the wet briefs down to reveal 10" of engorged, delicious cock. I took him into my mouth and drew him down into my throat. His cock was so huge, I began gagging, but I had to have it, so I kept swallowing until his balls slapped my chin. I began to suck, gently at first, then harder, pressing him against the roof of my mouth. He took two fistfuls of my hair and began fucking my face. His balls brutally slapped my chin and I thought I would pass out from lack of air. My nose was buried deep in his pubic hair. I could feel his muscles tensing and prepared myself for his load. All of a sudden, he pulled out of my mouth, pulling me to my feet and throwing me chest down onto the hood. The hot metal and cool rain sent shock waves through my body, as he pulled my legs far apart. He thrust into me brutally, holding me down with a hand in the small of my back. I slid up and down on the hood with each thrust, gliding on the wet of the rain. I could feel the heat building inside me, his heavy balls slapping against my skin. He was moaning raggedly, grunting deep in his throat. I could feel his cock twitching as it slid in and out of me, harder each time. Again, I braced myself to take his hot load of cum, when he withdrew, pulling me down into the soft wet grass with him. He flipped me around and buried his head in between my legs once again. I took his hard dick in between my lips, sucking the head, then licking down his shaft. We sucked and licked there in the cool wet grass until we filled one another's mouths with sweet, salty cum. As we lay there after, the rain receding to a drop here and there, both of us exhausted, I looked him in the eyes. "What year is your car?" I yawned. He barely said "69" before he fell asleep. |
Title: 69 Classic (rewritten)
Tags: Fantasy, Anal, Blowjob, Consensual Sex, Male/Female, Oral Sex
Content:
"Damnit, damnit!"
I whined aloud to myself seeing the steam pouring out from under the hood of my rental car. I looked down at the temperature gauge and saw that it was off the charts.
"That's what I get for renting a Ford Taurus... jeezus! These new cars just can't handle highway speeds..."
I was mumbling to myself as I raised the hood of the new white Taurus, forgetting that I'd had the accelerator all the way to the floor. The heat of a July sun beat down on my bare shoulders as I stood there, semi bent over, hands on the driver side fender. I kicked the tire brutally, then wished I hadn't.
"Guess I shouldn't have worn these sandals."
I reached through the window to grab my cell phone, exposing more of my toned rear end to the elements as the denim mini I wore hiked up my thighs. As I struggled to grasp the phone, my feet left the asphalt and I could feel the heat of the Montana sun warming my ass through my pink silk panties.
"Hey there... having some car trouble?" came a mocking voice from behind me.
Embarrassed, and turning as pink as the panties I wore, I eased my feet back onto the ground and turned to face the man leaning against the rear quarter of the Taurus. He was over six feet tall, wearing a pair of button fly levis, a white tee shirt and a black cowboy hat... a Stetson I think they call it.
"Car trouble? Is that what you call this? Here I am, in 90 degree heat, with a BRAND new car, stranded along side I-90. What do YOU think?!?" I snapped.
"Well then," he laughed, "I guess you have it all figured out. Guess I'll just be on my way."
He turned to leave then, and I could feel the anger rising inside me. As he turned, I could see he had probably the nicest ass I'd ever seen. And as I looked beyond him, expecting to see a beat to hell Chevy pick up, instead I saw a gorgeous black Ford Mustang, a GT500.
Reevaluating my situation, I called to him, "Wait! Wait, please... I'm sorry I was so rude, but it's... it's just," I gasped somewhat breathlessly, "just so hot, and I'm all by myself out here." I pushed up the strap of my tank and walked toward him.
"Could you just give me a lift?" "Where to?" he asked.
"I... I don't care - anywhere." We flew down the interstate, the car taching six grand.
The black leather beneath me, began to stick to my thighs. I arched my back and pulled my skirt up, allowing the rushing air from the window to cool me down.
"By the way, my name is Lilah," I said.
The driver said nothing, but I could tell he could hardly keep his eyes on the road. When I saw a turn off ahead, I suggested he take it. We could cool off in the shade of the trees along side the road perhaps? As he eased the car into the tall green grass beneath the trees, thunder crackled overhead and big heavy drops of rain began to fall.
I got out of the car, imagining how wonderful the cool rain would feel on my hot sticky skin. I placed my hands on the hood of the car... the metal burned my hands. As the rain fell, the metal cooled down and I became even hotter. My black tank stuck to me, showing very clearly my hard nipples beneath the light cotton fabric. By now, the mysterious cowboy had joined me in the rain. I turned and looked into his eyes hungrily, then placed my hands back on the hood of the car.
He reached around me and unbuttoned the front of the skirt I wore, peeling it down my thighs and throwing it onto the roof of the car. Next, he pulled my wet top off... his eyes devoured my braless tits, nipples pink and hard, rain dripping of the erect nubs. He took the right nipple into his mouth, suckling hungrily, pinching the other between his thumb and index finger. He continued his assault on my wet sensitive nipples, pushing me down on my back to the hood of the car. He pulled my panties off, leaving my bare pussy lips exposed to the driving rain.
The heat of the engine radiated through the hood and mingled with the cool rain running down the crack of my ass. The cowboy lowered his head to my cunt, wet with my own juices as well as the rain. He drew the pink lips wide apart and thrust his tongue into my tight wet hole, driving me mad. He nibbled on my clit and continued eating my pussy as the rain beat against the hot metal and skin. Slipping two fingers inside of me, he began fucking me to ecstasy while sucking on my engorged pink clit.
I was moaning and crying out, begging him to let me cum when he pulled me off the hood and pushed me to my knees in the wet grass. I quickly pulled the buttons on his jeans apart and pulled the pants down to his ankles. I licked my lips when I saw the huge bulge awaiting me inside his underwear. I peeled the wet briefs down to reveal 10" of engorged, delicious cock.
I took him into my mouth and drew him down into my throat. His cock was so huge, I began gagging, but I had to have it, so I kept swallowing until his balls slapped my chin. I began to suck, gently at first, then harder, pressing him against the roof of my mouth. He took two fistfuls of my hair and began fucking my face. His balls brutally slapped my chin and I thought I would pass out from lack of air. My nose was buried deep in his pubic hair. I could feel his muscles tensing and prepared myself for his load. All of a sudden, he pulled out of my mouth, pulling me to my feet and throwing me chest down onto the hood. The hot metal and cool rain sent shock waves through my body, as he pulled my legs far apart. He thrust into me brutally, holding me down with a hand in the small of my back.
I slid up and down on the hood with each thrust, gliding on the wet of the rain. I could feel the heat building inside me, his heavy balls slapping against my skin. He was moaning raggedly, grunting deep in his throat. I could feel his cock twitching as it slid in and out of me, harder each time. Again, I braced myself to take his hot load of cum, when he withdrew, pulling me down into the soft wet grass with him. He flipped me around and buried his head in between my legs once again. I took his hard dick in between my lips, sucking the head, then licking down his shaft. We sucked and licked there in the cool wet grass until we filled one another's mouths with sweet, salty cum. As we lay there after, the rain receding to a drop here and there, both of us exhausted, I looked him in the eyes.
"What year is your car?" I yawned. He barely said "69" before he fell asleep |
Title: 6Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Tags: Fantasy, Fan fiction
Content:
Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Chapter Six
Disclamer: Not mine, I own nothing. I'm not making any money
WARNING: Harsh Language, adult themes, sexual situations (i.e. smut), bad spelling and grammar.
Author's Notes: This story is a broad farce with over the top humor (a good deal of it is crude and sexual) and OOC actions (that's Out Of Character if you don't know). Also, this is my first smut-ish fic. If you don't like sex and sex-based humor, do NOT read this!
Chapter Six Summary: The Scavenger Hunt... err... the search for the Horcruxes begins! In order to locate the Horcruxes, Harry and Hermione use their inner-eye, that and Hermione gets something in her eye.
An ungodly scream erupted from Hermione as she discovered that it was Godric Gryffindor who was fondling her arse. In a combination of disgust and panic, Hermione tried to flee from the ancient and lecherous ghost. Unfortunately for Hermione's impromptu escape plan, Harry's right hand was still tangled in her bushy hair which forced her to unwillingly attempt to drag him along with her. More unfortunately though, Harry was much heavier that she was. With a resounding crash, Harry and Hermione crumpled to the floor. The couple landed in an unnatural and uncomfortable pile, with Harry on top. Thankfully though, this led to Harry's hand becoming untangled from Hermione's hair.
"Ooh," Gryffindor exclaimed. "That had to hurt."
Groaning, Hermione tried to wriggle free from Harry's body and tangled limbs. But, she did a little too good of a job wriggling. You see, because of their awkward positions and that pesky thing called gravity, Harry's crotch was firmly pressed against Hermione's shapely bottom. And Hermione's squirming caused '/Harry, Jr./' to wake up, and very quickly as well. Hermione obviously felt Harry poking her in the bum for she growled, "Not now, Harry!"
Harry didn't care about the uncomfortable position they were in or the fact that Gryffindor was watching. All Harry wanted was for Hermione to wriggle her bum against '/Harry, Jr./' some more. He loved how it felt to have '/Harry, Jr/.' pressed in-between Hermione's cheeks.
"Harry!" barked Hermione.
Harry begrudgingly obliged and untangled himself from Hermione's body. Realizing that he needed to get back on Hermione's good side, he gallantly assisted her in regaining her feet. The now-erect.... um, upright couple glared at the ghost. Hermione took a deep breath and was about to verbally attack Gryffindor when the ghost pointed at Harry's groin and declared, "You are a true Gryffindor... you '/dress right/,' just like me!"
"Why are you here?" Hermione demanded, ignoring Gryffindor's comment on Harry's state.
"I was checking up on your search for Voldemort's Horcruxes," explained the ghost. "So, how's it going?"
"If you must know, we haven't begun yet," said Hermione.
"Why not?" questioned Godric.
"We were working on a plan for when Harry faces Voldemort," Hermione answered. "Voldemort has decades of experience more than Harry and he has gone through power-boosting rituals as well. Harry has to train, to learn more skills and somehow become more powerful, otherwise he won't stand a chance. It won't matter if Harry has destroyed all of the Horcruxes if he can't defeat Voldemort."
"You think too much," retorted Gryffindor.
"Oh, what would you suggest we do then?" Harry asked, finally joining the argument.
"It's not really difficult. You sneak up behind him and stab him with the sword," exclaimed Godric.
"Oh," said Harry, a bit taken back at the simplicity of the plan.
"It's not that easy," argued Hermione. "How would Harry get past all of Voldemort's Death Eaters and any defensive wards he may have around him, and still sneak up and stab him?"
"Easy," replied the ghost. "You flash 'em your titties." The ghost then lowered his head so that his eyes were level with '/Carmella'/ and '/Natasha'/ and said, "Alright, whip 'em out and lets see if they are '/distraction'/ worthy."
"You disgusting..." Hermione seethed, as she defensively crossed her arms over her chest..
"Alright, I can tell I've upset you," Gryffindor apologized. "So I reckon you'll only have to show me one of your boobs then. Alright, let's see the... right one."
"Get out!" Hermione commanded, pointing to the door. With a disappointed huff, the specter marched to the door.
"Fine, but you two better get cracking," began Gryffindor and he stepped out into the hall. "People are getting hurt out there... and according to the prophesy, Harry's the only one who can defeat Voldemort."
"He's right you know," sighed Hermione.
Harry was stunned, she agreed with Gryffindor's plan? Harry imagined Hermione standing on a hill in front of Voldemort with her blouse open and jiggling her lovely boobs at the snake-like villain. Now, Harry rather liked Hermione's boobs and he could easily get distracted by them himself, but he doubted that Voldemort would have the same problem. After all, there weren't all than many female Death Eaters, were there? Which might lead some people to question Voldemort's "orientation"? He did exclusively hang around Wormtail for a year, and people do have needs.
"People are getting hurt," Hermione concluded.
"Oh, that" Harry said aloud. A part of him was upset that she wasn't talking about her boobs.
"We still need advanced training, but we can search for the Horcruxes at the same time," Hermione announced. And then she abruptly changed subjects by ordering: "Now give me the book."
"Um... Book? What book do you mean?" asked Harry, attempted to play ignorant, even though he knew she was referring to his '/special book/.'
"I assume it's in your room," stated Hermione, not falling for Harry's weak ploy.
Harry gave up and nodded his head. Hopping on his Firebolt, Harry hovered next to Hermione as they left her room and headed to his. After arriving in his room, Harry retrieved the book from his trunk and reluctantly handed it to Hermione.
"The Magic of Making Love: By Thos Antric," Hermione read aloud. "Is this a joke? '/Thomas Antric/'?" she asked rhetorically. "A man named '/T. Antric/' wrote a book on Tantric Magic?"
"What's the big deal? I don't get it," Harry responded to Hermione's question, not realizing it was rhetorical.
"Tantric Magic is magic through sex; this book is about magic and sex. The author's name is obviously meant to be a humorous pseudonym."
"Oh," Harry replied, feeling a little silly for not knowing.
Hermione opened the book and started to thumb through the pages. She paused on one particular page and scrutinized it before asking, "Is that her foot by her own ear or is it his?"
"I was wondering about that myself," replied Harry.
"So, Harry, can I assume that you learned how to perform cunnilingus from this text?" she asked, leaving the quandary of '/whose foot is that?/' for later.
"Yeah," replied Harry. "Um... it's on page three hundred and forty two."
Hermione turned the pages until she got to the section entitled: "/The Hidden Benefits of Being a Parselmouth; Cunnilingus and You!/" It only took Hermione a few minutes to read the entire chapter twice. She closed the book, looked at Harry and asked "Let me guess, you skipped over the theories and benefits when you read this?"
"Well you know how much theory bores me," explained Harry. "And as to the benefits, all I really cared to know was that it would be something that would make you happy."
"Thank you Harry," Hermione said with a bloom in her cheeks. "You really did make me... happy.
"But I think that it's an important point that you skipped the segments on benefits," she continued. "You see, you unknowingly performed a power boosting ritual."
"I un-what-ingly what a what what?" stammered Harry, a little shocked at Hermione's revelation.
"This chapter in the book was written so Parselmouths, like yourself, could use their unique ability to gain a temporary boost in their magical power." Hermione explained. "That would explain how you set the Common Room on fire yesterday and why you /'accidentally' /Summoned my bra earlier. You see, you're not used to having such power and it's taking you a little time to adjust."
"Wow," Harry muttered, still a little stunned. "You said that it was temporary; how long until the boost is gone?"
"Hmm... it says about six to seven months," informed Hermione after she checked the text once more. "So we won't have to do the ritual again for a few months."
A wicked grin appeared on Harry's face as he asked "So can we do it again?"
"No, that would be pointless," Hermione answered, her eyes focused on the text. "The book clearly states that the power boost can only be gained every six to seven months. The tactic doesn't allow for a continual growth in your core through repeated attempts."
"So can we do it again?" repeated Harry, this time putting more emphases on the word "it".
"Harry, the only reason to do it again would be to..." Hermione began and paused as she finally noticed Harry's wicked grin. The witch blushed while Harry wriggled his eyebrows. "Oh... well there would be that... reason, wouldn't there?"
Harry walked over to Hermione and leaned in close to her so that his mouth was very close to her ear. He closed his eyes and focused on the image of a snake in his mind before saying in Parseltongue: "C'mon Hermione, I want to taste you again."
Hermione shuddered with desire as she obviously recalled the event from the last time Harry used his snake-language on her.
"Harry, we have more important things..." Hermione began to argue.
"It'll be fun," Harry said in Parseltongue. He kissed the tender spot behind Hermione's earlobe while gently pushing his Parselmouth magic into her.
"Oh dear," muttered Hermione, her resolve failing. "H-Harry we have to look for the..." Harry placed another one of his magical kisses on the nape of her neck. "My goodness.... t-there's this book to...re... read...." With a deft flick of his fingers, Harry pushed the top of her gown down, exposing her marvelous breasts. Before she could object, Harry's lips enveloped "/Carmella/" and continued to push his Parseltongue magic into Hermione. "H-H-Harryyyy..." Hermione began, her breath was escaping her lungs in short and rapid bursts. "We're wasting.... v-valuable t-t-time..." Harry silenced her momentarily by switching to "/Natasha/" and continuing the same tactic. "Good god, that feels so good.... But we can't, we need..."
Harry pulled himself away from Hermione's nipple and offered in English, "How about you read the book while I eat you out?"
"Okay!" Hermione gleefully shouted and flopped down on the bed as she held the open book in the air and started to read aloud. "'/Welcome to the wonderful world of Love Magic!'/" Harry wasted no time and pulled her gown all the way off. "'/My name is Thomas Antric and I'll be your guide/...'"
Harry gently removed Hermione's already moist knickers and marveled once more at her shaved flower.
"'/Many people have misconceptions about Love Magic. Too many people believe it is just about.../'"
Concentrating on a snake again, Harry began to work his magic on Hermione's lower lips. Hermione immediately started to randomly read certain portions of the text louder and faster.
"'.../SSSSSEX!// But that isn't the case. It just so happ... happens TO BE a p-p-pleasant SSSSSIDE effect/...'"
He gently massaged her clit with his thumb while using his tongue to penetrate her vagina. After a moment, her body glistened with sweat and her honey flowed out of her body. Harry lapped it up like a starving man. Harry twirled his magical tongue in this way and that around Hermione's bud and nether lips for a good amount of time while Hermione continued to read page after page.
"'.../the theory behind THIS is SIMPLE/...'"
After several minutes, Harry decided to change tactics slightly. He decided to add his love based magic to his Parselmouth magic. He started to concentrate on just how much he felt for Hermione and how deeply. Harry's new approach had an instantaneous effect on Hermione; she locked her legs around his head and began to scream out the text.
"'... /THE MORE P-P-P-PLEA//SUR//E THE COUPLE FEEEEEELS, THE MORE POWER ISSSS PUT INTO THE RIT-RITUAL/..."
When Harry had gone down on her before, he was surprised how wet she had gotten, but it was nothing compared to how much she was flowing this time. Hermione's juices ran out of her box and soiled the sheets of the bed. His face had become incredibly damp and the excess dripped steadily down his chin.
Hermione didn't last long after Harry's love magic poured through her body. She dropped Harry's '/special book/' to her side and started to thrash wildly on the bed as an orgasm unlike any Harry had seen her have before rocked her body. She cried out in pleasure as wave after wave of ecstasy hit her. She gushed so much that he nearly choked on her juices. Harry clung to her, riding her flailing body as she gushed again and again.
Harry watched his more-than-a-friend, no, Harry realized, his girlfriend laying on his bed. Hermione was breathing heavily and her luscious body dripping with sweat. Hermione was trembling in ecstasy as she spurted the last remnants of her orgasm. Harry was about to congratulate himself when he noticed that '/Harry, Jr./' was trying to get his attention. The organ was painfully erect and was apparently saddened because he wasn't allowed to play; 'Harry, Jr.' seemed to be crying.
"Looks like you've got a problem there Harry," said Hermione, noticing Harry's aroused state from her prone position. She added in a lusty and husky tone: "I think we need to perform an experiment. I should do to you what I did when I was under the effects of Ginny's Lust Potion. Just to prove once and for all that it wasn't just the potion making me do it, mind you."
"Huh?" Harry muttered, a little taken back at Hermione's tone.
"I think I should do a repeat performance," She continued. Hermione pointed at Harry's aroused state and said: "Let me give you a hand with that." For the second time ever that Harry had known her, Hermione worked up a large amount of saliva in her mouth before licking her palm. Harry shuddered with desire at the memory of Hermione's hand wrapped around '/Harry, Jr./'. "Now strip!" commanded Hermione.
A smile appeared on Harry's face as he tore off his clothing. Harry stood completely starkers in front of Hermione.
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to sit next to me," stated Hermione as she propped herself up on her elbows. "My knees are really shaky from that last one. I've never felt an orgasm like that before," Hermione added and Harry beamed with pride. "What did you do differently? I mean the first time you went down on me was spectacular, but this time... wow!"
"Oh, I just tapped into my love based magic, that's all," Harry offered while eagerly awaiting Hermione's touch.
"You tapped into your love magic?" asked Hermione, an inquisitive look appeared on her face. "But how - ?"
"Questions later," Harry interrupted. He usually didn't like to be rude to Hermione but '/Harry, Jr./' desperately wanted to play and then take a nap. "Handjob now!"
"Aren't we impatient?" Hermione jokingly chided. She sat up and started to move the '/special book/' off of the bed when her eyes caught something on the page that had flopped open when she dropped it during her massive orgasm. By the looks of it, the book had opened to a section near the end, a section that Harry hadn't read yet. Hermione's eyes bulged as she scanned the page. "Harry, get me your potion supplies!" she commanded. "I found a ritual which will lead us to the Horcruxes!"
"Bu... but... but..." Harry stammered pathetically. Hermione had promised a handjob, and now she was talking about a ritual. This, Harry thought, was totally unfair.
"It's a ritual designed to locate missing or hidden items!" Hermione cheered, oblivious to Harry's predicament. "Hopefully we can use it to find where the Horcruxes are."
"Bu... but... but..." Harry stammered even more pathetically. This time Hermione looked up into Harry's dejected face.
"Harry, don't worry. The ritual requires me to use my hands to stimulate you," Hermione explained.
"Huh?" asked Harry, he hated it when she used big words, especially when he was focused on the lost opportunity of another handjob.
"Handjob, Harry," Hermione clarified, knowing that her use of '/big words/' threw Harry for a loop, specifically when he was already distracted. "Now go get your potion supplies."
Harry gleefully hopped into the air and scampered to retrieve his supplies like a boy on Christmas morning going to fetch his presents. Within seconds Harry had returned with his arms full. He was so happy about Hermione's promise of a ritual that would have her use her hands to stimulate him that he had forgotten what Hermione had actually requested. He remembered that she had wanted his potion supplies, but he was afraid that she would need something else. So to be on the safe side, Harry not only brought Hermione his potion supplies and cauldron, he also brought along his Herbology supplies, his telescope... and for some odd reason, a pair of his dirty socks.
While muttering "not this, or this," Hermione discarded Harry's telescope and herbology supplies. But when Hermione was about to fling the socks away, she paused and rechecked the ingredient list in the book. "That's strange," she said to no one in particular. "I do need these." She then unceremoniously tossed the socks into the cauldron along with several other liquids and powders from Harry's potion supplies. After stirring the concoction clockwise four times and twirling it twice, Hermione commanded: "Sit on the bed, Harry."
Harry complied and sat next to Hermione. '/Harry, Jr./' was happily looking up at the ceiling, eagerly waiting for playtime to commence. Hermione slid off of the bed and knelt in-between Harry's legs. She dipped her hands into the cauldron and began to explain the ritual to Harry.
"While I'm stimulating you, we both have to focus on the object or objects we are searching for," she explained clinically. Hermione promptly noticed the dazed and stunned expression on Harry's face and decided to repeat what she had just said so that Harry could understand. "While I'm giving you a handjob, we have to think about the Horcruxes."
"Oh. Yeah, I knew that," Harry tried to reply nonchalantly.
"Also we each have to chant an incantation throughout the ritual," continued Hermione. "Yours is '/Ructo// Vermis/' while I have to chant '/Praefoco// Pullus/'."
"/Ructo// Vermis ,/" Harry repeated.
Hermione took her hands, which were now completely coated with a clear oily liquid, out of the cauldron and began to gently coat Harry's organ. The liquid was warn and, along with Hermione's hands working it into Harry's member, made '/Harry, Jr./' cry just a little more, but this time Harry would have said that they were definitely tears of joy. Hermione started to use both of her hands to stroke Harry's shaft (mind you, Harry wasn't '/hung like a hippogriff/,' it's just that Hermione had tiny hands), and placed her mouth so that her lips were hovering over the crown.
"/Praefoco// Pullus ,/" Hermione began to chant her portion of the spell, her warm breath danced across his crown and Harry closed his eyes and started to chant in counterpoint to her. "/Ructo// Vermis, Ructo Vermis.."/
After Harry repeated his half of the incantation for the third time, he felt the magic pour over his body and he started to feel light-headed. Hermione's hands started to pump in cadence with her chanting.
"/Praefoco// Pullus, Praefoco Pullus."/
"/Ructo// Vermis, Ructo Vermis.."/
Then something strange happened; Harry felt as if he had left his body. He could still feel himself chanting while being pleasured, but he also felt as if he was floating. He opened his eyes and noticed that he seemed to be hovering near the ceiling of the room. As an experiment, Harry looked at his hand as he floated near the ceiling and was surprised to see that it was transparent, as if he was a ghost. Harry looked down and saw himself lying on the bed with Hermione wanking him off while they were both chanting.
"This feels weird," Harry said as he witnessed his corporeal body.
"I know what you mean," Hermione replied. Harry looked down and saw a ghost-like Hermione hovering below him. She was transparent like he was, but Harry could see as well as feel that she had her hands wrapped around '/Harry, Jr./'. Harry marveled at how nice astral-Hermione's boobs looked. "Harry, are you looking at my breasts?"
"Yes," Harry replied while not taking his eyes off of her luscious mounds. "Yes I am."
"Harry stop look at my tits," Hermione commanded. "We have to find the Horcruxes!"
"It's really hard thinking about the Horcruxes when you're holding my willy like that." Harry complained. "Besides, I like looking at your titties, they're really nice."
"Thank you Harry," said Hermione. Harry couldn't tell for certain, but he swore that astral-Hermione was blushing at his compliment. "You can thoroughly examine them later."
"Promise?" asked Harry.
"Yes, I promise," she answered. "Let's try and find the Horcruxes."
After Harry begrudgingly agreed to stop focusing on Hermione's boobs and focus on Voldemort's Horcruxes, both Harry and Hermione plummeted toward the floor; actually their astral projections plummeted while their bodies remained where they were. They rapidly fell past floor after floor of the castle. Harry recognized the dungeons and the kitchen as they shot by them before they felt like they were slowing down. Their descent had paused, but where they ended up, Harry couldn't tell. The couple was in total darkness and was unable to discern where they were.
"What's going on?" Hermione's asked. Harry couldn't see where she was in the darkness, but he could definitely feel her hands still wroking his organ.
"I don't know," Harry responded. He heard the sounds of dripping water coming from somewhere nearby. It felt oddly familiar to Harry, and it also felt as if something important was there in the darkness. "Did the ritual work?"
"I hope so," Hermione replied.
Another second passed in the darkness and suddenly, Harry felt as if they were flying. At first, it felt as if he were passing through the dark and dank air, but then it felt as if he was hurtling through solid rock. After a few seconds of flying through rock, Harry's spirit began to fly through the early night sky. He could still feel Hermione's hands on him as he looked behind himself and saw the shrinking castle of Hogwarts as they rocketed away from it. For a full minute, Harry and Hermione flew through the darkening sky when they started to approach a cluster of lights. They dove at the cluster of lights and Harry quickly recognized it as Diagon Alley. Before either one could guess what they were doing there, Harry and Hermione's spirits passed Diagon Alley and its assorted shops and flew into the infamous Knockturn Alley.
The pair slowed as they neared Borgin & Burkes. Their spirits passed through the shop's door and saw that Mr. Borgin was speaking to an old and crumpled looking wizard.
"You won't find a nicer piece anywhere else, I assure you," Borgin announced as he handed the unknown wizard a simple locket. It was obvious that the two older wizards had no idea that they were being spied upon by Harry and Hermione. For some indiscernible reason, Harry's attention was drawn to the locket, and it felt like something was telling him that this was one of the items he and Hermione were looking for.
"That's one of the Horcruxes!" Hermione declared triumphantly.
"Wait," Harry said as he examined the locket and recognized it from one of the Pensieve memories that Dumbledore had shared with him. "That's Salazar Slytherin's locket, the one R. A. B. stole from the cave before we could retrieve it."
Harry and Hermione watched as the unknown wizard paid Borgin and left the shop with the locket.
"So this R. A. B. bloke nicked Voldemort's Horcrux and sold it to Borgin?" Harry asked.
"That doesn't make sense, why would he sell it to Borgin," answered Hermione. "According to the note he left in the fake locket, he intended to destroy it. He or she probably died before he or she got the chance to do it and the Horcrux somehow ended up here."
Before they could continue their discussion, Harry and Hermione flew off into the night again. The couple flew for a brief amount of time before descending into London. They rapidly approached a building that Harry recognized; it was the orphanage where Tom Riddle grew up. Harry and Hermione passed through the brick wall of the building and promptly started to go down through the floor. After a second or two of falling through darkness, they ended up in a dimly lit chamber. There was an object that was covered with a black sheet in the middle of the room. It was this object that Harry's attention was drawn to.
"So, which founder do you think this, whatever it might be, belong to?" Harry asked.
"With the locket and the ring being Slytherin's, I would have to guess that all the other Horcruxes would be from the other founders; either Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, or Gryffindor," replied Hermione.
A moment later, the pair was off again. Their spirits soared across the sky for some time before they once again descended toward the ground. However this time, both Harry and Hermione recognized the building they were headed to. It was the family home of the "Noble and Most Ancient House of Black," number twelve, Grimmauld Place.
"Why are we here?" asked Harry as they flew through the dark walls and entered the dusty house.
"I don't know..." began Hermione.
The pair entered the kitchen and stopped when they reached a grimy pile of rags that Kreacher had called his bed before Harry had ordered him to go to Hogwarts. Placed on top of the pile was a golden cup with a badger engraved on one side.
"That must've been Hufflepuff's," stated Harry. "But why would R. A. B. hide it here...?"
"I am so dense!" Hermione announced. "R. A. B. must have been Regulus Black, Sirius' brother!'
"Huh?" asked Harry.
"Yes, remember when we were here and had to clean up the place? We found a locket that we couldn't open. That must've been Slytherin's locket," Hermione explained. "Regulus must have taken the Horcruxes that he managed to steal and simply hid them here until he could find a way to destroy them. But he was murdered before he could finish the job."
"And then after Sirius died, Fletcher stole a load of stuff from the house, including one Horcrux, and sold it to Borgin," Harry concluded, finally catching on to Hermione's line of thought. "Boy, this Horcrux Hunt is gonna be a lot easier than I thought."
With that, the couple soared out of Grimmauld Place and into the sky once more. This time, Harry was unable to keep track of where they were heading because the ground below them had turned pitch black, as if there were no towns or homes to give off lights. Soon, they approached an eerie looking keep. They quickly passed through the moldy rocks that made up the walls and entered a dark and clammy throne room. Sitting on an ornately decorated throne was none other than Voldemort. Kneeling in front of the villain was the kidnapped ice-cream maker extraordinaire, Florean Fortescue. The confection creator was trembling in fear as Voldemort sampled a bright orange scoop of ice cream. As Voldemort worked the frozen treat in his mouth, Hermione stated, "And finally, the last Horcrux, Voldemort himself."
"Ah, very good, Fortescue," Voldemort announced. "You get to live for another night. Tomorrow, I want 'Rocky Road,' but with no fucking marshmallows! I loath marshmallows! Heaven help you if I see one single marshmallow in my ice-cream!"
"But what about Nagini?" asked Harry, trying his best to ignore the villain gorging himself on ice-cream. "Shouldn't she be one of the Horcruxes?"
"Why?" Hermione asked, her voice sounding a bit perplexed.
"Dumbledore reckoned that the reason Voldemort was able to control her so well was because he had made the snake into one of his Horcruxes," Harry explained.
"But Voldemort is a Parselmouth, which means he can order the snake around," Hermione countered. "And when you witnessed Nagini's attack on Mr. Weasley, Voldemort was actually possessing her at the time. That is why Voldemort has such good control over her.
"Voldemort is obsessed with becoming immortal," Hermione continued to explain. "He placed fragments of his soul into different items, thereby creating the Horcruxes. This would assure his immortality. We know that when a Horcrux is destroyed, like the diary and ring, that fragment of his soul is destroyed along with it. So why would Voldemort risk putting a piece of his soul in a mortal creature? When the creature dies, so does the fragment of Voldemort's soul."
"What if Nagini is like a Basilisk?" Harry retorted. "What if she could live for centuries?"
"She could still get sick and die. A rock could fall on her head and kill her. A larger predator could eat her. Nagini could even starve to death," Hermione listed. "Dozens of things could happen that could cause a creature's death. That's why all the Horcruxes are inanimate objects; things that cannot die. Voldemort would never risk his immortality by creating a Horcrux in a living creature. There are too many unpredictable things that could happen."
"Oh," Harry replied simply when he suddenly felt a familiar tug, much like the tug associated with Portkey travel. However, the tugging sensation wasn't located behind his navel, like Portkey travel, Harry felt the tug come from '/Harry, Jr./' and his luggage.
In the blink of an eye, Harry had returned to his body which was still lying on his bed. The young wizard was breathing heavily and his loins felt as if they had just spent themselves. It was odd, he didn't feel his orgasm, but he definitely felt the after effects of one. He was about to ask Hermione about it when he saw her face and paused. Harry didn't need to ask Hermione if he had cummed, he could see it on her face. The whitish goop was slowly dripping down her forehead and in-between her eyes. It looked as if Hermione was deep in thought and she had not yet noticed Harry's cum upon her face.
"Um, Hermione..." began Harry. He wanted to warn her about the mess on her face, but was trying to find a delicate way of telling her about it. He couldn't just say '/Sorry Hermione, but it looks like I just came on your face/' now could he? However, Harry's attention was diverted from Hermione's predicament when another voice coming from the corner of the room spoke up.
"You know, for beginners, you're doing pretty well," the ghost of Gryffindor commented. He was sitting on Neville's bed and he appeared to be jotting down notes on a spare piece of parchment. "First off, Harry did a bang up job, the way Hermione was gushing, cheers mate. I tell you if Salazar knew he could do that with his haughty '/I can talk to snakes/' thing, he would've gotten more arse. Maybe then he wouldn't have been so bitter." Gryffindor continued. Both Harry and Hermione were so much in shock that neither one even attempted to cover their naked forms. As a matter of fact, Hermione was so shocked by the ghost's presence, that she still had her hands around '/Harry, Jr./'. "As for you, Hermione, you did fairly well. But there is room for improvement."
It was this point that Gryffindor showed the two naked and sweaty teens the parchment. The page was full of crude drawings. The drawings were crude both in style (stick figures with overly large circles for boobs and something that looked like a huge cigar for '/Harry, Jr./') and subject matter.
"Hey, that's a one way exit on me, mister!" Harry shouted upon finally recognizing one particular drawing which showed what he assumed was Hermione's index finger going into a notorious orifice in Harry's body.
"C'mon Harry," Gryffindor argued. "Think of it as a '/how'd you do/'." The ghost decided to illustrate his argument by forming a tight "o" with his thumb and forefinger from his left hand and them promptly shoved his right forefinger into the "o."
"THAT IS IT!" Hermione shouted. The naked witch shot up and Harry could tell that every muscle in her body was tense with rage.
"Nice shave job there love," the specter commented as he indicated Hermione's crotch. "I told you brainy birds are naught-"
"GET THE HELL OUT!" screamed Hermione.
"A-ha!" exclaimed Gryffindor as he waggled a finger at Hermione's face and the goop that was silently dripping down it. "Next time turn your head, love."
"What are you talking - ?" Hermione began to demand before she started to violently tear at her right eye. "OH SWEET BABY MAVE! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"
Obviously Harry's ejaculate had finally seeped into one of Hermione's eyes. She continued to howl as she started to frantically look around the room with one eye open. Harry realized she must've been looking for something to wash the seminal fluid out of her eye. That is when Harry decided to help her out.
He snatched his wand off of the bedside table and performed a simple Water Jet Charm at Hermione. It was supposed to be a simple charm that caused a gentle stream of water to flow from the tip of the caster's wand. Unfortunately, in the heat of the moment, Harry had forgotten about his power boost. Instead of a gentle stream of water flowing from Harry's wand tip, a rather large wave exploded out of it. The wave was at least two feet taller than Harry and not only did it knock Hermione to the floor, it also flooded the room.
"Oh, boy, this isn't good," Gryffindor declared and scurried out of the room, obviously afraid of Hermione's impending wrath. "I'm out of here."
Hermione slowly pulled herself off of the water covered floor and to her feet. Not only was she completely soaked, but her right eye was puffy and red. She took a calming breath before addressing Harry.
"I think it would be best..." she said slowly, as if she was having difficulty controlling her anger, "... if you leave this room, right now."
"But this is my room, Hermione," Harry said stupidly. It was stupid because Hermione felt compelled to repeat her order in a very load voice.
"LEAVE THIS ROOM, RIGHT NOW!" she snapped.
His senses finally returning to him, Harry ran like a bat out of hell out of his room. Harry didn't stop running until he reached the safety of the Common Room. He reckoned that it would be for the best if he were to just sleep on the couch in front of the fire. It was then that he realized that he didn't have a sheet to cover himself with, nor did he have any clothes on. He thought about conjuring some items, like some clothes, but he was afraid that because he was still unaccustomed to his power boost, he would end up conjuring a lacy and frilly sleeping gown instead of a pair of boxers. Harry sighed and spoke aloud to no one in particular: "I need some help."
Soft popping noises alerted Harry to the presence of two house-elves, Kreacher and Dobby. Before Harry could cover his bits, the two elves commented on his nakedness.
"Master Harry Brat is more wrinkly in areas then Kreacher is," the ancient elf cackled pointing a finger at Harry's organ.
"I'm not wrinkly!" Harry defended himself against Kreacher's statement.
"Harry Potter is the Greatest Wizard ever!" Dobby declared as he genuflected. "Far greater than all the Malfoys combined! Dobby had the bad fortune of dressing former masters, so's Dobby knows what Dobby is talking about"
"I'm greater then Lucius and Draco, combined?" asked Harry to which Dobby replied by energetically nodding his head. He knew he wasn't small, but he never thought of himself as being huge either. Harry had the decency to cover himself up with both hands before continuing. "Well, that's good to know," he took a great amount of masculine pride in the fact that he was more endowed then the entire male portion of the Malfoy family.
"Then again, Master Draccy was only tweelves the last times Dobby dressed him and even Dobby is greater than Master Luscius," Dobby added. Harry's masculine pride was suddenly shattered in a thousand pieces, Harry couldn't imagine that Dobby was well endowed and every twelve year old is under developed. So the fact that Harry was '/greater than all the Malfoys combined/' wasn't such high praise after all. The guilt ridden House-elf punched himself in the head for insulting his former master before continuing. "Former master never made former mistress happy. Dobby always had to help finish former mistress off when former master fell asleep -"
"Okay stop right there," Harry blurted out and he held out both of his hands if front of him as if they would shield him from the nasty image of Dobby being... intimate with Narcissa. This action, of course, exposed his bits again.
"Much more wrinkly," Kreacher added as Dobby bowed once more to '/Harry, Jr./'.
"Damnit," Harry cursed as he dropped his hands to his sides. It was pointless to try and cover himself now. "Listen, my magic's gone all wonky and I can't conjure anything. Could you two make me some pajamas and a bed to sleep in, please?"
Kreacher grumbled and snapped his fingers. A humble and somewhat lumpy bed appeared in front of Harry. With Dobby's snapping fingers, Harry was clothed in a fine set of silk pajamas. Of course the words "/World Greatest Wizard/" were embroidered on the font of his shirt with an arrow underneath pointing to Harry's crotch.
"Wills yous be needing anything else, Harry Potter sir?" Dobby asked.
"No you two can leave," said Harry. With two pops, the House elves disappeared. Exhausted from this long and adventurous day, Harry fell asleep the moment his head touched his pillow.
"Harry, it's time to wake up," Hermione's soft voice drew Harry out of his dreamless slumber. He was stunned to see that her right eye was still red and puffy-looking.
"Morning, Hermione," Harry greeted her as he sat up. "I'm sorry about your eye."
"It was just an accident," Hermione began to say. She abruptly stopped speaking when she saw what was written on his shirt. "My, aren't we confident?"
"Um, err..." Harry stammered, totally embarrassed by his shirt and hurt by Hermione's statement. Her comment made Harry think that she believed that '/Harry, Jr./' was unworthy of such praise.
"Well, I happen to think you are the greatest," Hermione cooed as she slipped her petite hand down Harry's pants and gave a good morning squeeze to '/Harry, Jr./' "Especially down here."
"Thanks," Harry said sheepishly and he felt a blush creep into his cheeks.
"We can play later," Hermione stated and she pulled her hand away from Harry's member.
"Hey!" protested Harry. "You can't just squeeze a bloke's thing and then stop."
"We have something to discuss," she said gravely.
"Is it about the Horcruxes?" asked Harry.
"No, something else. Remember when you performed oral sex on me yesterday?" Hermione asked. "I told you it felt different, more intense than the first time you did it. You told me you added your love based power to your Parseltongue magic. That got me thinking and I read the segments in '/The Magic of Making Love/' concerning the two acts you performed on me, using your Parselmouth abilities and 'Pleasure Pressure Points.' Well according to the book, the pressure point technique you used on me during the wedding should have only made me feel a little pleasure, not a mind blowing orgasm. I can assume you tapped into you love magic yesterday during the wedding?"
"Yes, I thought you needed to relax a bit," Harry responded.
"I would like to run a little experiment concerning you love based power," Hermione said.
Harry's heart leapt up as well as '/Harry, Jr./' at the notion of Hermione's experiment.
"Not that type of experiment," chuckled Hermione noticing Harry's reaction. "I want you to perform a simple Cheering Charm on me."
"That's it? A Cheering Charm?" asked Harry, a little put out. He was hoping for a little romp with Hermione. "Can we do this experiment nude at least?" he asked hopefully.
"No," Hermione said and stood up. "I want you to perform the Charm like you would normally. But don't tap into you love core. With your power boost, there should be a fairly powerful reaction on my part."
Harry got out of the elf-conjured bed and pointed his wand at Hermione.
"Now, wave your wand at me in a half-crescent motion, like the mouth on a smiley face and say '/Exhilaro// Hilaro/.' Remember to put emphasize on the '/Roh/' sound at the end." Hermione lectured.
Harry followed her instructions and said in a loud and clear voice "/Exhilaro// Hilaro!/"
Harry felt the charm spring from his wand and fly silently at Hermione. A bright and goofy grin appeared on Hermione's face instantaneously as she stood in front of Harry.
"Good job, Harry!" Hermione announced. She tapped herself on the head with her own wand and said "/Finite/" and the goofy grin was gone. "Now try it again, but focus on your core, focus on loving thoughts."
It was easy for Harry to do that, he simply recalled how he felt when he blurted out that he loved Hermione at the reception; warm, happy, and complete. He pointed his wand at Hermione once more and said "/Exhilaro// Hilaro!/"
With a loud bang, Hermione was thrown over the couch and out of sight.
"Whoops," Harry nervously exclaimed. "Hermione?"
To be continued. |
Title: 6virgins play truth or dare p2
Tags: Fantasy, Anal, Bi-sexual, Blowjob, Cum Swallowing, Group Sex, Hardcore, Incest, Lesbian, Teen Male/Teen Female, Young
Introduction:
part 2 of a ficional story
Content:
6 virgins play truth or dare p2
Intro: I actually wrote this before the first part was actually posted. I hesitated to post this part, as I knew I had gotten carried away with it, and am not sure how it will be recieved. If anyone wants to rewright it that's ok juat list it as a rewrite. This part is less reptitious. the first part was, only as you would expect that of inexperienced young teens experiencing their first sex, as they have little idea of wahat to do, and would most likely try what their friend had.
Again this is fiction and does have some brother sister sex.
Then on the Wednesday of the next week, Kevin came home with a small stack of porno magazines. We sat and read the stories for a while and I looked at the picture sets. there were lots of them featuring beautiful naked women. which I found I actually liked looking at, as they turned me on. I saw some with two or more girls playing with each other, and some with guys and girls fucking. Judging by those sets we seemed to be doing most of the common positions, and were doing it right.
Then on Friday at breakfast my mom told us that she and my dad were going to the hospital to see my aunt Karen, and would be gone all weekend.
just after breakfast my parents packed the car and left. Kevin turns to me and says. "How about another Truth or Dare party?" "Yes lets, I'll call the girls, you call the guys, and we'll get started as soon as everyone gets here."
When I called Suzi's house her mom tells me she isn't there.
So I Called Melissa, and she answered. I told her we were having a Truth or Dare party. I hear her say. "Kim's having a truth or dare party." Then I hear Suzi in the background, say "When." I say, "As soon as you two can get here." "Ok let us throw some cloths on and we'll be right there." Then Kevin calls Roger and invites him over. Then Jason who has already heard from Melissa.
They all arrive within a half hour and sit in the family room chatting, until Kevin says. "Shall we begin." Suzi and Melissa both stand up and take off their oversized tee-shirts, revealing their totally naked bodies. Roger said. "Holy shit, they weren't wearing anything under those shirts."
The rest of us got up and undressed as well. Then we all sat Indian style in a circle, facing in.
I dared Suzi to tell us what she and Melissa were doing when we called them. Suzi said. "We were sitting naked, in Melissa's room, reading stories and looking at the pictures in the porno magazines, regarding lesbian sex, as we were planing on having sex together. But when you called we just put on those shirts and came over."
"Oh man that sounds so hot." Kevin said.
Suzi says. "I'm horny, lets get started, you go first Kevin, ok?"
Kevin says. "Ok horny, I'll start, Melissa T. or D." She chooses truth. Kevin says. "Ok tell us if you would let a guy fuck you in your ass hole." She says "Eiew that's so gross, no way in hell."
Then it is Suzi's turn and she asks Roger T. or D. He chooses truth. Then Suzi says "Would you be willing to eat your cum out of a girls pussy." Roger says. "Hell no, what are you trying to do, gross me out."
Now it's Roger's turn and he says to Jason. "Truth or Dare." Jason chooses truth. Roger says. Do you like the way Melissa sucks your cock and explain why."
Jason says. "Yes I love the way she sucks my cock, especially the way she swirls her tongue around my head and shaft, and then when she senses I'm nearing my orgasm, she licks my most sensitive areas to make me cum."
Now it is my turn and I ask Jason T. or D. he chooses dare. I say. "I dare you to finger fuck Suzi's pussy for two minutes."
Suzi lays back spreading her legs as Jason kneels between them. He begins caressing her outer and inner thighs for a moment, before wetting three fingers in his mouth, then sliding them into her pussy. When I say "Begin" Jason begins moving his fingers in and out of her pussy, while rubbing her clit with that thumb, and caress her leg with the other hand as she moaned louder and louder, until I said. "Times up."
Then Jason slowly removed his fingers from her pussy and licked them clean savoring the flavor of her pussy, before returning to his seat, and she sat up. "That was fantastic, I never realized I could finger my pussy or have anyone finger me, and have it feel that great.
Now it is Jason's turn and he asks Kevin, T. or D. he chooses dare. Then Jason says. "I dare you to suck Kim's tits for I minute. Then have her suck your cock for one minute. Then you finger fuck her pussy with three fingers for two minutes. Then finally you lay back and she mounts you and rides your cock until you cum in her pussy."
Kevin moves in front of me with his face at my breasts. When Jason says. "Begin" He begins sucking on my left tit, while caressing the other. I have never felt this before and it feels fantastic. Then Jason says. "Times up."
Then Kevin sits back and I lean over him and take his cock in my mouth. When Jason Says. "Begin" I start licking and sucking on his magnificent cock, until Jason says "Times up".
Then I sit back and spread my legs wide. Kevin moves back in front of me and licking three fingers of his right hand to lube them, he slowly slid them into my pussy, which felt thrilling. When Jason said "Begin" Kevin began slowly moving his fingers in and out of my pussy. I have never been finger fucked before and I was very surprised at how incredible it feels, especially when he rubbed my clit. I was moaning and rocking my hips as I neared orgasm, Then Jason said. "Times up." Kevin slid his fingers out of my pussy and I instinctually rose my hips at him, trying to keep him in me. When he laid back. I got up and straddling his waist, I sat down and sank my pussy down onto his cock. when I was comfortably in place I began riding up and down on Kevin's cock slowly at first, but increasing speed a little. Kevin's thick, ten inch long, cock feels incredible as it stretches and fills my pussy so completely. I soon feel my orgasm coming on as I am breathing hard and moaning softly as I reel from the incredible stimulation in my pussy. Within seconds I tilt my head back and grunt hard as I begin shuddering and contracting my pussy muscles hard as I cum.
Kevin says. "Oh god Kim I can feel you cumming, your cunt is squeezing and milking my cock so hard I can't hold on much longer. my orgasm is coming on fast."
I continue to ride Kevin through my orgasm and then about a minute later I felt Kevin tense and raise up hard into me, then I felt his huge cock throbbing hard as I felt his hot cum shooting into my cunt. He came long and hard for over thirty seconds before it subsided. I rode him through it and on until I felt his cock shrink until it was to soft to stay in me and it fell out against his stomach.
I finally got up and helped him sit up saying, "Thanks for the great orgasm bro." Kevin said. "Thank you for giving me such a terrific fuck. I loved the feel of your orgasm, and giving me such a great orgasm, the longest most powerful one I have had while fucking a girl. Thanks again sis."
Kevin returns to his seat as I sit back at mine.
Now it is Melissa's turn and she asks Kevin. T. or D. He chooses truth. Melissa says. "Kevin, tell us how you liked sucking your sisters tits, finger fucking her pussy and being ridden by her, and explain why."
Kevin says. "I really liked sucking her tits, they are so soft and firm, and her nipples harden and get big like pencil erasures very easily. I loved finger fucking her pussy, she is so wet and smooth feeling inside and I enjoyed pleasuring her like that, I like the way she responds when I rub her clit. But I especially loved it when she rode me. I love the feel of her slick, smooth, wet pussy moving up and down on my cock, but when she cums, her pussy convulses so hard it feels incredible and makes me hot as hell and will drive me to the greatest orgasm ever."
Now it's Kevin's turn and he asks Roger T. or D. he chose dare. Kevin said. "Roger I dare you to lay on your back, then dare Melissa to mount you and insert your cock into her pussy. Then dare Suzi to straddle your head so you can lick her pussy while Melissa rides your cock for three minutes."
Roger laid back and said. "Melissa I dare you to ride me, Suzi I dare you to kneel over my face so I can lick your pussy." The two girls moved to him. Melissa straddled his waist, and positioning his cock at her pussy entrance, she sank down onto it. Suzi knelt over his face, facing Melissa, with her pussy over Roger's mouth. When Kevin said "Begin" Roger began licking Suzi's pussy as Melissa started riding his cock. The girls were both moaning and Suzi was rocking her hips over Roger's face by the time Kevin said "Times up guys."
Suzi and Melissa got up off of Roger and helped him sit up before returning to their seats.
Then Suzi asked me T. or D. and I chose truth. Suzi said "How did I like having my tits sucked, pussy fingered and fucked by my brother, give us detailed reasons why." I said "Well I liked it when he sucked my tits, it felt fantastic when he swirled and sucked on my nipples. It made them hard and me hot, Then when he slid those fingers up my pussy and stroked them in and out while rubbing my clit with his thumb, that was something I hadn't ever felt before and it was incredible. He almost made me cum in just two minutes. but when he slides his magnificent cock deep into my pussy, I feel so comfortably stretched and completely filled. Then when I ride up and down on that fantastically long and thick cock it sends me to new heights of pleasure as I cum so fucking hard. Then when he came in me I nearly came again just from the sensation of his huge cock pulsing in me, and the feel of his cum shooting into me."
"Wow, that's so hot." Suzi said.
Now it's Roger's turn and he asked me T. or D. I chose dare this time, and he said, "I dare you to suck my cock until I cum in your mouth."
I moved over in front of Roger and slowly started licking on his cock, then I took his cock in my mouth and sucked it and licked it and swirled my tongue around the head and fore skin for a while until he was grunting and said. "Oh god I'm gonna cum any minute now." I began sucking harder and licking his foreskin and head with more enthusiasm. Then suddenly he groaned long and loudly as he bucked up and began shooting his cum in my mouth as I swallowed every drop of it. I continued to lick the underside of his cock until he relaxed and his cock stopped pulsing. When his orgasm was completely, I raised my head up and looked at him as he thanked me for getting him off so well. I returned to my seat as it was now my turn again.
I asked Roger T. or D. He actually chose truth, so I asked him to tell us how he liked having Melissa ride him while licking Suzi and explain why.
Roger said. "Well it was fantastic, I never experienced anything like that before, it was wonderful to be getting fucked by Melissa and her slick wet pussy while licking Suzi's smooth wet pussy and hard clit. I wished I could have cum in Melissa as she was cumming on my cock and Suzi was cumming on my face."
Then it was Jason's turn and he asked Suzi T. or D. she chose truth. Jason said. "Would you let a guy fuck you in the ass hole." Suzi said. "Oh yes, I'm dying to find out what that feels like!"
Now Melissa's turn and she asks Suzi T. or D. Suzi says "Dare" Melissa says "I dare you to stand with your legs spread. You let Kevin enter your ass hole from behind you, and let Jason enter your pussy from in front of you and have them both fuck you at the same time, for two minutes."
Suzi stands and spreading her legs saying. "Well now I guess I'll find out what ass fucking feels like." as Jason steps close in front of her and enters her pussy. Kevin rolls a condom on his cock and lubing it, slowly slides it into her ass hole. Suzi gasps and groans as the guys enter her. saying. "Oh god I feel so filled, this feels great." Then when Melissa says "Begin" the guys begin moving their cocks in and out of her slowly at first, then moving faster. Suzi began moaning and rocking her hips in time to their strokes as they fucked her. Within a minute Suzi said. "Oh god this feels incredible, so fucking good, oh god I'm cumming I'm cumming!!" as her body convulsed and shuddered hard. Then her orgasm subsided and they guys rode out the remaining time until Melissa said "Times up." When Kevin and Jason stopped moving and pulled out of Suzi she said to them. "Thanks for the fantastic fuck, it was incredible."
Kevin removed the condom and threw it in the trash as he and Jason returned to their seats.
Next it was Kevin's turn and he asked Roger T. or D. he chose dare. Kevin said "I dare you to Fuck each girl, (lined up next to each other) in the doggie position while rubbing their clit, for one minute each, until you cum in one of them."
All of us girls lined up next to each other on our hands and knees, with our legs spread. Roger moved behind me and entered my pussy. He reached around me and touched my clit with his fingers. When Kevin said. "Begin" Roger began fucking me while rubbing my clit. It felt wonderful as his cock was gliding in and out of my pussy his fingers rubbed my clit so nicely.
Then Kevin said, "Ok switch" Roger pulled out of me and moving behind Melissa and entered her pussy and reached around to touch her clit. Then Kevin said "Ok go" and Roger began fucking Melissa while rubbing her clit. Melissa gasped and sighed as he fucked her.
Then Kevin said. "Ok switch" and Roger pulled out of Melissa and moved to Suzi. He entered her pussy, reaching around to touch her clit. Kevin said "Go" and Roger began fucking Suzi while rubbing her clit.
Then Kevin said "Ok switch" Roger pulled out of Suzi and moved back behind me and entered my pussy again. He reached around with the other hand to touch my clit. This time when Kevin said. "Go" Roger began fucking me harder than before, which felt even better.
Then when Kevin said "Ok switch." He pulled out of me and moved behind Melissa again, and entered her pussy. He reached around her with the same hand and touched her clit. When Kevin said "Go" I watched as he fucked her at the same pace he was fucking me. Melissa was moaning loudly when Kevin said "Ok switch"
Roger pulled out of Melissa and moving behind Suzi and entered her pussy reaching for her clit. Then Kevin said. "Go" and he began fucking and rubbing her. She soon began moaning and then Kevin said "Ok Roger switch again"
Roger pulled out of Suzi and moved behind me again, entering my pussy and reaching for my clit. This time when Kevin said. Ok go" Roger began fucking me hard and fast, while rubbing my clit like crazy. This felt incredible and I knew I would cum soon, and of course I was right. I soon tensed up and cried out as I came, shuddering and juicing Roger's hammering cock. Just as my orgasm was subsiding. Kevin said "Ok switch." Roger pulled out of my pussy, leaving me high and empty, which I discovered I didn't like much.
He moved behind Melissa and entered her pussy, reaching for her clit. When Kevin said "Go" I watched as he hammered into Melissa's pussy hard and fast while rubbing her clit. Melissa was soon moaning loudly and rocking her hips as she was getting close to cumming, but Kevin said "Ok switch" before she could cum.
Roger pulled out of Melissa and moved behind Suzi, entering her pussy, reaching for her clit. When Kevin said "Go" he began fucking her hard and fast, while rubbing her clit hard. Suzi said "Oh my god this feels fantastic." Roger soon grunted hard and then slammed deep into Suzi. She said "Oh my god he cumming in me."
When Roger's orgasm subsided he remained deep in Suzi's pussy and laid on her back for a moment, catching his breath. Then he finally pulled out of her and they all returned to their seats.
Roger then said "Thanks girls that was incredible, I loved it!"
Now it's Suzi's turn and she asked Roger T. or D. he said truth, this time. Suzi said "Which of us has the nicest pussy and explain why."
Roger says. All three of you have fantastic feeling pussies, but Kim's is the nicest to me. Her thick pussy lips feel fantastic, and the incredible amount of slick feeling pussy juice she produces makes her pussy feel even smoother and slicker. I just love it!"
Next it's Roger's turn and he asks Suzi T. or D. Suzi says dare. Roger says. "As the guys lay on their back, next to each other. I dare you to ride each guy for two minutes each, until you cum on one of them.
The guys laid on their backs next to each other. Suzi knelt over Roger and sank her pussy down onto his cock, when I say "Begin" Suzi begins riding him with moderate strokes. Suzi soon begins moaning and tilting her head back with her eyes shut. Then the two minutes is up and I tell her to switch.
Suzi gets off Roger and moves to Jason and sinks her pussy down on his cock. When I say "Go" she begins riding him at the same pace. Suzi begins moaning immediately and breathing harder and harder as she rides. But time runs out and I tell her to switch.
Suzi moves to Kevin and sinks her pussy down on his cock. Then I tell her to go, and she begins riding him. She immediately begins moaning again as she is breathing and grunting "Oh god, oh god." Then I see her tense up and cry out as she begins shuddering as she cums hard. Suzi rides out her orgasm, and slows to cool off, before getting off Kevin and thanking the guys.
It's my turn and I ask Suzi T. or D. still coming down from her orgasm she wants truth. I ask her to tell us which guy has the best cock and explain why.
Suzi says. "I love all the guys cocks, but by far Kevin has the best feeling cock, Roger's 10 inch cock is so nice and long and reaches nice and deep but too thin and doesn't give me the stretched feeling. Jason's 6 inch cock is quite thick, and stretches me nicely but isn't long enough to feel fully filled. But Kevin's 10 inch cock is so long and thick that he makes me feel so wonderfully filled and stretched just right to make me cum the best ever."
Now it's Jason's turn and he asks Kevin T. or D. Kevin chooses dare. Jason says "I dare you to fuck each girl, for two minutes, in a different position each. until you cum in one of them."
Suzi stands and Kevin moves in front of her entering her pussy. When Jason says "Begin," Kevin begins fucking her with long slow strokes, until Jason says "Ok switch."
Then Melissa kneels over the coffee table and Kevin moves behind her and enters her pussy. When Jason says "Go" he begins fucking her with long slow strokes, until Jason says, "Ok switch."
Then I lay on my back with my legs spread. My brother moves over me, and lying down on me, he enters my pussy. When Jason says "Go" Kevin begins fucking me with long slow strokes. I have never been fucked quite like this and it was incredible. The sensation of his big long cock moving so long and slow in and out of my pussy was exquisite, and I felt sensations I had never felt before. Then before I knew it, Jason said "Ok switch.
Then Kevin slowly pulled out of me and got up off me. Suzi is sitting on the edge of the coffee table, with her legs spread wide. Kevin kneels in front of her and enters her pussy. When Jason says "Go" Kevin begins fucking her with long slow strokes again. Suzi's arms go around his neck. her eyes are closed, her mouth is open and she is breathing hard as she is loving getting fucked in this position.
Then Jason says "Ok switch" Kevin slowly pulls out of Suzi's pussy as she removes her arms from his neck as he gets up. Kevin lays on his back and asks Melissa to ride him. She moves over him and settling down on his cock she begins riding him when Jason tells her to go. She rides him with long slow strokes as he has asked her to. Melissa quickly begins moaning and rocking her hips. then just before time is about to run out, Melissa tilts her head back and cries out as her body begins shuddering with her orgasm. She rides it out then gets off Kevin.
Kevin moves behind me and as he steps up to me I spread my legs as his cock slides up my pussy. When Jason says "Go" Kevin begins fucking me with long fast strokes. He reaches around and rubs my clit with his fingers. This sets me off and I soon tense up and grunt and shudder as I cum. Then suddenly Kevin grunts and I feel his cock begin to pulse as I feel his cum shooting into my pussy. Once our orgasms are done he pulls out of me, we thank each other for the fantastic orgasms, then sit back down at our seats.
Now it's Melissa's turn and she asks me T. or D. I chose dare. Melissa says. "I dare you to lay on your back and let each guy fuck you for one minute each until you cum."
I lay back and spread my legs. Roger moves over me and settles onto me sliding his long thin cock deep into my pussy. When Melissa says "Go" Roger begins fucking me at a moderate pace. It feels fantastic and I begin heating toward orgasm again.
Melissa says "Ok switch" before I even knew it. Roger pulled out of me and got up. Jason moved over me and sank his thick cock into me. When Melissa said "Go" Jason began fucking me with a nice moderate stroke, which felt great, and I started getting hotter until Melissa said "Ok switch" Jason pulled out of me and got up. Kevin is suppose to go next, but his cock hasn't recovered from the orgasm he just had, and won't get hard. Roger moves back over me and slides that long thin cock back into me. When Melissa says "Go" he began fucking me hard and fast this time. This was making me pretty hot but time ran out before I could get really hot, as Melissa said "Ok switch"
Then Roger pulled out of me and Jason moved over me sliding his thick cock back into me. When Melissa said "Go" Jason began fucking me hard and fast. His thicker cock did feel even better and I was brought up to the brink of orgasm when Melissa said. "Ok switch" Now Kevin's cock was hard again and he moved over me, he slid his long thick cock deep into me. Then when Melissa said "Go" Kevin began fucking me with long moderate strokes. Kevin's cock felt so incredible and I was so hot that I tensed up and began shuddering as I came almost immediately. Kevin rode me through my orgasm, and continued for the remaining time until Melissa said "Times up guys"
So Kevin slowly fucked me for a few more seconds before pulling out, and got up, helping me sit back up. The guys all returned to their seats.
Now it's Kevin's turn and he asked Melissa T. or D. she chose dare. Kevin said "I dare you to lay on your back with your legs spread and have each guy fuck you, until they cum in you."
Melissa laid on her back and spread her legs wide. Roger moved over her and entered her pussy as he laid down on top of her. Once he was set Roger began slowly fucking Melissa for a while, before moving faster. Melissa was soon moaning and rocking her hips. After about three minutes, Melissa tensed up and grunted as she came. Then Roger began fucking her hard and fast, for another minute before he shove his cock in deep and grunted as he came. When his orgasm was over he pulled out of her and got up.
Jason moved over Melissa and entered her as he laid on her. He began fucking her fairly quickly making her grunt and moan. This time Melissa tensed up and cried out as she came in only about two minutes. Jason slowed his pace and fucked her at this pace for another three minutes before she tensed up and came again, shuddering and crying out softly. Just as she began cumming, Jason grunted and sank in deep as he came with her. They kissed during their orgasms, then they just lay there catching their breaths for a moment. Then Jason kissed Melissa one more time, and she said "I love you" to him as he got up. Jason caressed her tits, as he said "I love you too."
Then Kevin moved over her and positioning himself, entered her pussy and sank in deep. When he was set he began fucking Melissa with a very long slow stroke. Then he began moving faster and faster, and was soon slamming into her with extremely long incredibly fast strokes. I watched in awe as my twin brother fucked my best friend with such ferocity and lust. Melissa's body was totally rocking from the pounding Kevin was giving her. Soon enough she was crying out as she came. Kevin kept up his relentless pounding of her pussy and she soon came again, and then again and again, as Kevin fucked her so hard and fast I thought he was going to hurt her, but he didn't. Finally he suddenly sank in deep and shuddered and grunted long and hard as he came filling her pussy with his cum. They laid there for several minutes, catching their breaths, before Kevin got up off her saying "That was fantastic."
It's Suzi's turn and she asks Melissa T. or D. hoping she'd say truth, which she did. Suzi said Tell us which guy fucks the best, and explain why."
Melissa said "Well they all fuck great, I love Jason and his cock does feel fantastic. But Kevin fucks the best, mostly because his cock is so long and thick it feels incredible, inside me, also he usually lasts longer, fucking me harder and longer which makes me cum harder and more times."
Now it's Roger's turn and he says. "I'm hungry" everybody nodded and said me too. Roger then said "I dare everyone to head to the kitchen, fix something to eat and come back her to eat it, all while still nude, then the we can continue."
We all got up and headed to the kitchen. Rummaging around in the cupboards and refrigerator for what ever we wanted to eat. As we were moving about the kitchen we would occasionally give someone pats on ass as they passed by, or the guys would reach around a girl and caress her breast before picking up something he waned.
Once our meals were made we all grabbed a soda and went back to the family room and sat around eating and talking for nearly an hour. Then we returned to the kitchen to clean up.
It has now been about two hours since we broke for food and we were all rested and ready to continue playing.
We returned to the family room and sat back down where we were. Then I said. "Anyone gotta pee." Kevin, Suzi and Jason say yes. So I said. "I dare Kevin and Jason let their girlfriend hold their cock while they pee in front of us, and Suzi and I will let you watch us pee." We all got up and headed to the big master bath. we stood around the toilet as Kevin stood in front of the toilet. Suzi stepped up close behind him and put her left arm around him, and stepping slightly to his right to look around him as she took his limp cock in her right hand. As she aimed his cock at the toilet bowl he emptied his bladder into it, then when he was done, he had her shake it a few times to get any remaining pee out.
Then Suzi let go of Kevin's cock as he stepped around behind her as she turned around and squatted over the toilet. Suzi leaned back against the tank and reaching down, she spread her pussy lips and emptied her bladder into the toilet. When she was done she asked Kevin to wipe her pussy. He grabbed an antibacterial wet wipe and wiped her pussy as she held it open.
Then Jason steppes in front of the toilet as Melissa steps behind him and takes his cock in hand and aiming it at the toilet as she intently watches as he empties his bladder into the toilet. When he stops she shakes his cock a bit more than necessary, playing with it.
The she let go of it as Jason was moving away Melissa turned around and squatted over the toilet, leaning back she asked Jason to open her pussy lips. He moved next to her and parted her pussy lips with both hands. Then she emptied her bladder, when she was done Kevin reached down and wiped her pussy as he had Suzi's
Then I took her place and leaning back as far as I could I parted my pussy and then emptied my bladder into the toilet. Then Kevin moved close and looked me in the eyes as he wiped my pussy with the wipe.
Then when I moved away from the toilet, Roger moved in front of the toilet. I quickly realized he was going to pee and I moved up behind him, and reached around and put my hand around his soft limp cock, when I aimed it at the toilet, he emptied his bladder, it kind of felt funny when his cock pulsed as he squirted out the last of his pee. Then I shook it a few times causing a few last drops to come out. Then I let go of his cock and kissed the base of his neck before moving away from him.
We all returned to the family room and sat back in our circle.
It was Jason's turn and he asked Me T. or D. I said dare. Jason said "I dare you to stand with your legs spread, and let Roger fuck you in the ass, while Kevin fucks your pussy until you cum."
"This ought to be good" I said as I stood, stepped into the center of the group and spread my legs. Roger was rolling a condom on his cock and then poured some of Kevin's K Y jelly on it. When Roger moved behind me I bent forward to give him better access. he pressed his cock head at my ass hole and then I felt his head pop through my anus. He slowly pushed his long thin cock deep into my ass. When he was all the way in my ass, it felt kind of strange. It felt nice in me but it also kind of felt like I was pooping in reverse.
I straightened up as my brother stepped in front of me, and slid his long thick cock deep into my pussy, which always feels fantastic. But when the guys started fucking me it was nirvana. The sensation of Roger's cock moving in and out of my ass only intensified the sensation of Kevin's cock moving in and out of my pussy. I rocketed toward orgasm In record time as I cried out and came very hard and longer than ever. Kevin looked me in the eyes and said. "Oh god you really came hard and quick, you must have really loved this."
"I did" I replied as the boys slowed then pulled out of me. Roger removed the condom and threw it in the trash before sitting back down, as had Kevin and I.
Now it's Melissa's turn and she asks me T. or D. I say "truth"
Melissa says "Tell us what it feels like to be fucked in the ass."
I say "Well when he first went in, it felt like poop was going back into me, but when he was all the way in it felt kind of nice, with a little feeling of needing to poop. But when he was moving in and out of me, it felt real nice, but it also greatly intensified the sensation Kevin's cock was making in my pussy, which sent me to new heights as I came quicker, harder and longer than ever."
Melissa said "Hum I thought it would hurt and feel gross, I never imagined it could really feel good."
Now it was Kevin's turn and he asked Melissa T. or D. She chose dare. Sensing her curiosity he said. "I dare you to stand with your legs spread. You let Roger fuck your ass hole, while Jason fucks your pussy until you cum."
Melissa stands and moves into the center of the group, spreading her legs and bending over, Roger rolls another condom on his cock and lubes it. Then he moves behind her and placing his cock head at her ass hole, he slowly pushes it all the way in her. Then he guides her to straighten up as Jason steps up to her and begins sliding his cock into her pussy.
Roger places his hands on her hips as Jason places his hands just above Roger's. Then they begin fucking her slowly at first, then begin to pick up some speed until they are fucking her at a nice pace. Melissa soon tilts her head back and begins breathing and grunting. Melissa didn't cum nearly as quickly as I did but when she did she really shuddered hard for a long time before she came back down. The guys fucked her for another minute, before stopping and pulling out of her. Jason kissed Melissa as Roger removed the condom and threw it away. Then they all sat back down as it was now Suzi's turn.
Suzi asked Melissa T. or D. This time Melissa chose truth. Suzi said. "So Melissa, how did it feel getting fucked in the ass, and were you wrong about letting a guy fuck you in the ass."
Melissa said "It did feel strange at first, having a cock in my ass, I did feel like I needed to poop. It did feel kind of nice when he was fucking me. It didn't really make Jason's cock feel any better in my pussy that much but it did add to my pleasure enough when I came, to make me cum harder and longer. and yes I was wrong about not wanting to be fucked in the ass, it was not gross as I thought it would be."
Now it was Roger's turn and he asked me to chose a dare, which I did freely. Roger said "Great, I dare you to let me fuck you in the ass, in the doggie position until I cum, while Suzi licks your pussy from below, on her back."
"Ok I say as I move onto my knees. Suzi lays on her back with her head between my legs. I lean down onto my hands and spread my legs until my pussy is near her mouth. Then Roger kneels behind me and I feel his condom covered cock slide deep into my ass. He begins fucking me slowly as Suzi begins licking my pussy lips.
Then when Roger finally picks up speed a few minutes later, Suzi begins licking inside my pussy and up over my clit. This makes me gasp and begin moaning. I start getting hot and closer to orgasm by the second.
Then Suzi, sensing my impending orgasm, begins licking and sucking my clit. This set me off and I tensed up and shuddered as I came. Roger felt this as my ass muscles milked his cock and he groaned.
Roger was able to keep fucking me until he and Suzi were able to make me cum again. This time even harder, and that made Roger grunt, drive his cock deep into my ass and I felt it pulse as he came in me.
When our orgasms had totally subsided, Roger pulled out of my ass and moved away. I straightened up, and helped Suzi up. Then we all sat back at our seats.
Now it was my turn again, and I asked Suzi T. or D. she chose dare. I said "I dare you to move over Melissa in the sixty nine, and lick her pussy, while she licks your clit and Jason fucks your pussy, until both girls cum."
"Cool" she says as she moves over to Melissa who has laid on her back. Now in the sixty nine Jason moves behind Suzi and enters her pussy. The girls begin licking and sucking on each others pussy while Jason fucks Suzi's pussy. Suzi is soon moaning as is Melissa below her.
Both girls are loving the tonguing they are giving each other, but Suzi is loving the fucking she is getting as she soon tensed up and cums hard, as Suzi is sucking on her clit. When Suzi's orgasm finally subsided, Melissa tenses up and shuddered under Suzi as she cums. When Melissa's orgasm subsided Jason pulls out of Suzi and helps her up. Then help Melissa sit up, then they sit back at their seats.
Then it was Jason's turn and he asked Suzi T. or D. she said truth. Jason said "So tell us how you liked that and explain why."
Suzi said. "I loved that, it was fantastic. The only thing that's better then just being fucked by a guy is having your pussy and clit licked at the same time. That tonguing makes me so hot and cum so hard, I love it."
Now its Melissa's turn and she dares every one to head to the big shower to clean up.
We all head into the master bath, turn the water on in the huge shower and setting the temperature, we all get in.
In the shower Kevin dared all the girls to hold a hand held shower head to over their pussy until they all cum once. Melissa, Suzi and I each take one of the four hand held shower heads, and standing against a wall with our legs spread, we hold the head below our pussies and let the streams hit our pussies. The streams hit every part of my pussy and clit, making me very hot and excited, I soon rose to the brink of orgasm and then grunted and shuddered as I came.
Just as my orgasm subsided, I heard Melissa cry out and I watched her shudder as she came. Then finally a minute later Suzi tensed up and grunted and shuddered as she came.
When Suzi's orgasm had subsided we all hung our shower heads back up. Then Suzi turned to Kevin and said "I dare you to lay on your back on the floor. Then she said to Melissa "I dare you to ride his cock while Kim sits over his face and he licks her pussy until one of you cums, then you girls trade places and go again until one of you cums. Kevin lays on his back on the floor. Melissa kneels over his waist and sinks her pussy down onto his cock. I kneel over his face, facing Melissa, with my pussy on Kevin's mouth. When Melissa begins riding his cock he begins licking my pussy. It feels great and I am soon moaning again. After about two minutes Suzi has her eyes closed tight and she is breathing hard as am I. Then she tenses and cries out softly, as she begins shuddering. She came before I could.
When Suzi's orgasm subsided she got off Kevin and so did I. Then I moved over his waist and sank my pussy down onto his long thick cock, I groaned as it filled me again. Suzi squatted over his face with her pussy over his mouth. When I began riding his magnificent cock, he began licking Suzi's pussy. I was so hot, and loved the feel of his cock so much that I rose to orgasm in seconds and began to shudder as I came. When my orgasm subsided completely, I finally stopped fucking Kevin and got up off him, Then Suzi got up and helped Kevin get up.
Then Roger said, "That looked good, I dare Kim to lay on her back with her legs spread. I dare Jason to fuck her while Melissa squats over Kim's face, and they both lick her until all of you cum.
I laid on my back and spread my legs. Jason moved over me and entered me as he settled over me. Melissa squatted over my head and I tilted it back until I could lick her pussy. Jason moved his head down, until his tongue was just over mine and he began licking her while rocking his hips, fucking me slowly. I soon began rocking my hips in opposite movements to increase the length of the stroke of his cock in my pussy. As I licked Melissa's inner lips and entrance, Jason licked her clit. This brought Melissa up fairly quickly and she soon came, shuddering and grunting over us. This excited me and I rocked my hips harder. Jason picked up on this and rocked his harder in response, making for a short moderate stroke of his cock in my pussy. I felt real good and I knew I would cum before too long.
Then a few seconds later Melissa tensed up and began shuddering as she came again. this set me off and within a minute I tensed up and shuddered under Jason as I came.
When my orgasm subside, Jason gave up on licking Melissa's pussy. He raised up on his hands and began fucking me with a long hard stroke. This felt incredible and set me off as I soon reached orgasmic bliss. I cried out and began shuddering hard as I came hard again. This was what Jason needed as he grunted and drove in deep, I felt his cock begin to pulse hard as he came, filling me with his cum, we rode out our orgasms before stopping and getting up.
Then I looked at Roger's semi hard cock and said. I Dare Suzi Melissa and I will stroke Roger's cock thirty strokes each." I reached out and grasping his cock I began slowly stroking it as it grew, counting the strokes aloud until I hit thirty. Then Suzi took it in her hand and stroked it as she counted to thirty. Then Melissa took hold of his cock and stroked it hard for thirty strokes.
Then Jason said "I dare all of the girls to hold a shower head over their pussy, while us guys stand in front of the body spray heads, hitting our cock, until we all cum as many times as we can stand.
Suzi, Melissa and I take a shower head and held its streams on our pussies, as Kevin, Roger and Jason stood in front of the body spray heads, with them hitting their cocks and balls. The room was soon full of moans and heavy breathing as we all got hotter and hotter. I was the first to cum as I cried out and shuddered as I came hard. Then I heard Melissa cum, followed by Suzi.
I came again a few minutes later, quickly followed by Roger, then Melissa, Suzi and Jason.
Then I came again then again before Melissa then Kevin came. Kevin then dropped to the floor as he was done, I came again and then Melissa came then dropped to the floor, Suzi came immediately after Melissa then fell to the floor. Then I came again, then collapsed. Roger came again then sat down, breathing hard. Then finally Jason came again and dropped to the floor.
Then Melissa said. "Now I dare all the girls to soap and scrub the entire body of their boyfriend. Then the guys to soap and scrub the entire body of their girlfriends." So I soaped and scrubbed every inch of Roger's body, especially his cock and balls. Then rinsing him off, as did Melissa to Jason, and Suzi to Kevin. Then Roger soaped and scrubbed every inch of my body, paying special attention to my breasts ass and pussy. Then he rinsed me off. as did Jason to Melissa, and Kevin to Suzi. Then we turned the water off and getting out of the shower I dried Roger's body and he dried mine.
When everyone was dry Kevin said "I dare every one to sit in the family room in the nude and watch T. V.
So we went to the family room and sat around in the nude watching T. V. for a few hours, before Suzi got horny again and bored so she said. "Hey Kevin. I dare you to look at Kim's body, especially her tits and legs, for one minute with out your cock getting hard. If it does I dare you to fuck each of us girls for three minutes each."
Kevin looks over at me as I pose for him. sticking my chest out, and then rolling onto my knees and shaking my ass at him. I hear Suzi say. "I knew he couldn't do it, look his cock is getting hard.
I said "Ok brother come fuck me slowly for only three minutes." Kevin moved behind me and slowly slid his cock into my wet pussy. When Suzi said "Begin" Kevin began fucking me with very long slow strokes, which feel fantastic. I was getting really hot and turned on when Suzi said "Times up, switch." Kevin pulled his cock out of my pussy and moved in front of Melissa where she sat. Kevin pulled her to the edge of the seat and spread her legs as he knelt between them. He entered her pussy and when Suzi said. "Begin" he started fucking her with those same very long slow strokes. Melissa soon closed her eyes and rolled her head back as she got hot and wet. She was moaning when Suzi said. "Times up. Now come fuck me."
Kevin pulled his cock out of Melissa's pussy and stood up. She just sat there with her legs wide open and watching as Kevin moved in front of Suzi, where she lay, and spreading her legs and finding her pussy soaking wet, he laid down on her, entering her pussy. When he was in her and settled comfortably, Suzi said. "Begin" Kevin began fucking her with fairly long moderate strokes. Within a minute Suzi started to moan then soon she was rocking her hips. Suzi tensed up and came after about two minutes. Kevin then picked up speed and was now fucking her fairly hard. Then when Suzi said. "Ok Times up." Kevin grunted, "Not yet I'm about to cum." as he continued to fuck her hard for a few more seconds, before he grunted hard and sank in deep and came into her.
Once he came down from his orgasm he pulled out of her, kissed her deeply and thanked her it was fantastic as always.
Then Roger says "I dare all three of you girls stand in front of Jason as he stands, and each take a turn stroking his cock for three minutes each, if he doesn't cum, he must fuck each of you for four minutes each, until he does cum."
Melissa, Suzi and I all stand side by side. Jason stands in front of us. Melissa squirts some K Y on her hand and grasps Jason's cock. When Roger says "Begin" she begins stroking his cock as it hardens fully, then she strokes faster. Then when Jason says "Ok Suzi's turn." Melissa lets go of Jason's cock and Suzi grasps it and begins stroking it fairly quickly. Jason begins showing sighs that he is getting hot just before Roger says, "Ok now it's Kim's turn, Suzi lets go of Jason's cock and he moves closer to me as I reach for his cock. When Roger says "Go" I start stroking Jason's cock hard. Jason looks at me with intense eyes as he is obviously reaching orgasm quickly. Then with only a minute left he tenses up and grunts as he cums, spilling his jizz all over my hand and the floor. I stroke him through his orgasm, then slow for a few more seconds to make sure he is fully done, before letting go of his still hard cock.
I decided to see some girl on girl action so I said. "I dare Suzi to stand with her legs spread. then I dare Melissa to kneel between Suzi's legs and finger fuck her pussy while licking her clit for 3 minutes. If Suzi doesn't cum, you must trade places and repeat this for three minutes each until both girls have cum."
Suzi stood and moved to the center of the room and spread her legs. Melissa knelt between her legs, she wet three fingers of her right hand and then inserted them in Suzi's pussy, then placed her face in her crotch. When I said "Begin" Melissa began pumping her fingers in and out of Suzi's pussy while licking her clit. Suzi immediately said "Oh god." Melissa then stuck three fingers of her other hand in her own pussy and began pounding them in and out hard.
Melissa obviously knew Suzi was going to cum and wanted to as well. Suzi soon tilted her head back and was grunting rather loudly. Then she cried out and began shuddering as she came. Melissa began fucking her self faster as she finger fucked and licked Suzi through her orgasm. Then Suzi's orgasm subsided and she looked down at Melissa to see her pumping her own pussy hard and reached down and caressed her face as she continued working on both of them until she suddenly tensed up and cried into Suzi's pussy as she came, shuddering and convulsing through her orgasm.
When Melissa orgasm subsided and she came down some, she pulled her hand out of Suzi's pussy and licked it clean, then she stopped pumping her own pussy and puled that hand out and licked her own juices off her hand. Then both girls sat back on the sofa.
Jason said "While I lay on my back I dare Melissa to ride me while Kim kneels over my face so I can lick her until we all cum."
We moved to the floor and Jason laid on his back. Melissa moved over his waist and settling down, she took his cock and placing it against her pussy entrance, she moved down onto it, taking it fully into her. I knelt over his head, positioning my pussy over his head. When Melissa began moving up and down on his cock, Jason began licking my pussy lips. I was getting hot again and loving it. then he moved his tongue up higher and started licking inside my pussy as he held my lips open with his fingers. This felt so good and I was in heaven again getting closer and closer to orgasm. I heard Melissa's heavy breathing turn to moans. Now Jason is licking my clit and it is driving me wild as I soon reach my peak and grunting hard I begin to shudder as wave after wave of orgasm rock my body and I cum hard on his tongue. Then I hear Melissa cry out and I look at her to see she is convulsing as she cums. This is to much for Jason as he bucks up into Melissa and grunts long and loud as he cums deep in her.
We ride out our orgasms, them slow to cool for a moment. Melissa and I get up off Jason and helping him up we return to the sofa.
Melissa says "Hey it's getting late and I'm getting really tired. I dare Kevin to seep with Suzi naked on that sofa. Roger sleep with Kim, nude on the other sofa. And Jason will sleep with me naked on the sectional. Then when we wake up The guys will finger their girlfriends pussy until their wet and nice and hot. Then all of us girls lay on our backs with our legs way up over our chest. knees bent, The guys fuck their girl friends with slow strokes until all guys cum once. Then we shower to clean and spend the rest of the day doing what ever we want. just everyone stays nude."
Roger was laying on his back, I laid on top of him and I put my arms around his shoulders as he put his arms around me with one hand on my ass and the other caressing my back until I fell asleep.
I awoke in the morning to the feeling of fingers gently rubbing my pussy and my left breast. I looked at Roger who was smiling and said good morning babe. I looked over to the sofa to see Suzi lying on her back with her legs spread. Kevin was lying next to her, His left hand was caressing her right breast, and three fingers of his right hand were moving in and out of her pussy as she moaned softly. Then I looked over at the sectional to see Melissa kneeling over Jason's chest, looking at his face as he had three fingers moving in and out of her pussy while his thumb was rubbing her clit.
Then I heard Suzi say "Come on Roger, get her hot. I'm dying to get fucked."
Roger then slid three fingers into my pussy which made me gasp in pleasure, at the sensation of the penetration. he rubbed my clit while pumping his fingers in and out of my pussy. I quickly heated up and then said. "Ok guys, I'm ready to fuck." I noticed the guys pulling their hands out of the girls pussies.
Everyone got up and we all exchanged good mornings before Suzi, Melissa and I all laid on our backs so we could look over and see each other getting fucked. We raised our legs way up over our heads, bent our knees so our heals nearly touched our asses, then spread our knees wide apart. The guys laid on us. Roger sank his thin ten inch cock deep into my pussy. I looked at Melissa as Jason sank his thick six inch long cock deep into her pussy, then quickly looked at Suzi to see Kevin sink his thick ten inch long cock deep into her.
Roger began fucking me slowly with a nine inch long stroke, and it felt great.
When I looked at Suzi I saw Kevin moving his entire cock out of her till his head was just touching her lips, then driving completely into her. Suzi appeared to be loving this very much as her eyes were closed tight and she was moaning.
I looked at Melissa and she was moaning as Jason was fucking her with a shorter quicker stroke. Roger was hitting my clit so nicely on every stroke that I was rising toward orgasm quickly. I was nearly there when I heard Suzi cry out. I looked at her to see Kevin was now fucking her much faster with that same ten inch long stroke, and was moving up over her groin every time he went in deep, rubbing her clit. Suzi was convulsing hard and crying out with every breath as she must be cumming harder than ever.
That sight was enough to make me cum and I began to shudder and juice Roger's cock as he pumped me with his long strokes.
Then a minute later I heard Melissa cry out and I looked over to see her shuddering under Jason as she came. Then Jason grunted and drove in deep as he came in Melissa's pussy. I watched them ride out his orgasm, for a minute before they stopped and laid there watching the rest of us fuck.
Then I heard Suzi cry out and looked over there to see her shuddering again as she had another powerful looking orgasm. Then I was nearing orgasm again and soon I tensed up and cried out as I shuddered as I came. Roger tensed up and I felt his cock begin throbbing as he pumped into me and shot his cum into me as he came with me. We rode out our orgasms then he slowed for a minute before stopping and lying on me as we watched my brother fucking Suzi. He was still fucking her with the same ten inch long moderate pace stroke.
Another minute later and Suzi was crying out and convulsing as she came hard again, This time Kevin grunted and sank in deep and rocked his hips as he came filling her with his cum. They continued to move for another minute before they stopped and laid their catching their breaths.
When we were cooled down we got up and headed to the shower again where we washed each other off, got out dried each other off and returned to the family room, naked, where we watched T. V. read porno stories, and talked, before getting some food. Then we cleaned up the family room and after that we were just sitting around playing with each others breast, cock and pussies, until Roger, Suzi Jason and Melissa had to get dressed and head home. We promised to do this again soon.
End |
Title: 6 - My High School Sweetheart’s Little Sister -pt. 6 (Cindy and her cute friend)
Tags: Fiction, First Time, Male / Female Teens, Oral Sex, Young
Introduction:
This is the sixth chapter of this story from my late teens, where my girlfriend’s little sister made it through puberty only to lose her innocence due to my uncontrollable lust for her. In this chapter, Cindy and her close friend model for me and play games after some rum & cokes
Content:
—————— Part 6: Cindy and Her Cute Friend —————
A few days after Cindy came down to my office, she called me at home. “Jeff? I only have a few minutes... I think dad must have seen your car the night you followed me home. He came home a few minutes after I got back and grilled me about seeing you. I told him I was at Stace’s, and she backed up my story, but I don’t think he believed her. He told me I couldn’t see you. I got a lecture about my age and innocence, and that you were too old, and that you were Chloe’s boyfriend anyway.”
I snorted a response, “That ship sailed. I haven’t even spoken to her since that night.”
.... this isn’t about Chloe
“I’m sorry you went through that with your dad. I never want to get you in trouble. I don’t remember seeing his car... did he say he saw me?”
“No... not really, but he was angry and I think he knew we were together somehow. He didn’t ground me, but he’s watching me like a hawk.”
“Dammit... I’m sorry. This is my fault. I don’t want to get you in trouble”, I repeated. “I am too old for you, and I am stealing your innocence.”
“Stop apologizing. I have loved everything we’ve done. In fact...”
Cindy gasped, “Someone’s home. I’ll call you later”, then hung up before I could respond.
She didn’t call.
————————-— The 7-11 Store ——————-—————
A few weeks passed before I saw Cindy again. She was constantly on my mind and I desperately wanted to contact her, but couldn’t bring myself to call her house for so many reasons. If cell phones were around I would have been in contact, but in the days of land lines and no social media, I couldn’t think of a way of reaching her without possibly getting her (and myself) in trouble.
Finally, one afternoon I saw her platinum blonde hair flowing into a 7-11 store near her school. I have to admit I drove this way more often than needed, in hopes I might run into her.
I drove around the block and pulled into the parking lot. I saw her inside talking and laughing with some friends. I was kinda nervous, and my heart was racing as I walked into the store. I tried to act like I hadn’t seen her... I was there to pick up some badly needed... um... anything.
She saw me walk in and ran over from across the store. I smiled broadly at seeing her, “Cindy!” She met me with a big hug. I hugged her back, awkwardly, thinking people could read on my face what I had been doing with this beautiful, innocent little girl.
One of the girls from the group ran over to us, and jumped in place next to Cindy, bumping her sideways like she was trying to knock Cindy out of view.
“Jeeze, Stace, starved for attention, are we?”, Cindy joked at her friend.
Her friend didn’t blink, she just stared up at me with huge brown eyes and a beaming smile. This girl was cute... really cute. About the same height as Cindy, but more curvy, with budding boobs she was quite proud of... she was making sure I noticed them. Standing with her hands clasped behind her back, arching her back and rocking back and forth so her growing points poked out high in her blouse. Long wavy brown hair wrapped around a tan face with freckles. Her wide smile and perfect teeth looked even brighter against her full lips.
“You must be Jeff... I’m Stacy”, said the cute friend of Cindy’s, and she stepped closer and offered her hand. I shook her hand, “Pleased to meet you, Stacy”. I looked over at Cindy, to try and read what she was thinking.
..... how does your friend know my name?
When I looked back at Stacy, she was staring at my crotch.
Cindy broke the silence, “What are you doing here; buying flowers for your girlfriend?”, and flashed that wonderful smile I had been thinking of for so long.
“Um... I don’t really remember, but no girlfriend. I haven’t even been able to see the girl who’s been on my mind.”
Cindy’s smile wavered, “Oh... Chloe?”
“No, not Chloe, but you’re close”, I said with a wink. That brought her smile back; her face blushing a bit.
Stacy looked over at Cindy and giggled. She looked back at me with that beaming smile and asked, “Could you do us a favor?”
I laughed, “Buy you beer? I’m not old enough.”
“No... we don’t need beer. There is plenty of alcohol at my house. My parents are gone this weekend and we need a ride home.”
Cindy popped in, “Could you? I’m staying the night, and the bus lines don’t go anywhere near her house”.
“Of course. How could I say ‘no’ to you? You flash those pretty smiles and I would do anything you asked”, I replied with a mischievous smile.
Stacy shot a quick look over to Cindy and giggled, covering her mouth like she was stifling a gasp. Her eyes darted back down to my crotch again.
...what does she know?
I grabbed a six-pack of Coke, a pack of gum, and making sure the girls didn’t see, a pack of condoms, and paid the cashier. The cashier looked out at the young girls and back at me when she rang up the condoms, and gave me an accusatory look. I tried to ignore it, and headed out to my car where the girls were standing. I opened the door to let them climb in. “Such a gentleman!”, Stacy commented and flashed her smile at me. To my surprise Cindy crawled in the back seat, leaving the front seat for her friend (always the sweet considerate one).
I pulled out of the parking lot and turned right, away from the school. “You’ll have to tell me how to get to your house”, I said to Stacy, and glanced over at her. She was pointing and giving me directions, and I stole a quick look down at her boobs hiding under her blouse. I glanced in the rear view mirror and Cindy was watching me. We locked eyes and both of us smiled.
Every time I looked in the mirror she was watching me, and every time she looked more and more beautiful.
——— Stacy’s House ———
As Stacy’s directions guided us closer to her home it became apparent her parents had money. The driveway alone was longer that my parent’s lot, and the one next to it. I parked off to the side, on the gravel, just in case my car was dripping oil. I didn’t want to be the one leaving a stain on their perfect brick courtyard.
“Pretty nice rental you have here” I joked to Stacy. She gave me a blank look, then laughed when she realized I was kidding her.
I got out and opened the door for them, reaching in to grab Cindy’s hand to help her out of the back seat. “Why don’t you come in? We have frozen pizza we’re going to make for dinner. Well... unless you have a hot date tonight”, Cindy said with a smirk.
Stacy chipped in, “We’ll be more fun than any stupid date... join us! And I need a man’s opinion on something.”
Cindy shot a curious look over at Stacy, then ran over and grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the house, “You have to come inside. Please? I haven’t seen you in so long.”
“It’s settled”, Stacy determined, “You’re coming in. Grab your Coke too- it’ll be a good mixer”
‘A good mixer’ I thought to myself. This could be an entertaining evening.
Stacy led us in through the grand entry, beside the formal living room, down the hallway to a large family room. A bar fit for a pub was at one end, a pool table to the left, and I could see a pool through the French doors on the other. I set the Coke on the bar countertop.
Stacy walked behind the bar, “Who’s up for a Rum & Coke?”, obviously no stranger to alcohol.
Rum & Coke wouldn’t be my first choice, but I accepted, liking the idea of these two drinking rum with me. She filled three glasses with ice, and filled each one about halfway with rum, topping them off with Coke.
Cindy took a small sip and looked at me with a smile... no grimace, no choking. She must be used to this side of Stacy.
“So your parents are gone and left you in charge?”, I asked, hoping to learn how private the night might be.
“Yeah, they go on vacation all the time. My older sister used to chaperone, but she’s off to college this year. They must trust my judgement now.” she replied, laughing at the thought.
“Actually, they think I’m staying at Cindy’s”, Stacy added, and Cindy chimed in, “Dad doesn’t know Stace’s parents are gone, otherwise there’s no way he would let me come over.”
Stacy took a gulp of her drink and ran into the kitchen. “Pizza coming up shortly!”
Cindy caught me looking at Stacy’s ass as she walked out of the room. She came over to me, “I’m sorry I haven’t called. It’s been impossible at home... I almost called you from a pay phone, but I didn’t have any change.” She looked towards the kitchen, “Do you think she’s pretty?”
“Well... yes, she is quite pretty. Not nearly as pretty as you, but that would be a tall order.”
“She has great boobs... a lot better than mine. I saw you looking at them”, she said looking down.
I walked closer to her, “I can’t help looking at boobs, but don’t sell yourself short. Your breasts are absolutely perfect. In fact your entire body is perfect. It’s about all I can think of lately. I am starving to touch you again.” That brought a smile to her face.
Stacy came back in, “Pizza’s in the oven. Whatcha been doing in here? You’re standing pretty close... have you been playing games without me?” She laughed, grabbed her drink, and went over to the audio stack and turned on some music. She started dancing around a bit, “Come on you guys, drink up! It’s Friday night - Party Time!”, and took another gulp of her Rum & Coke.
I laughed and looked over at Cindy “Looks like we have some catching up to do”, and took a drink.
Cindy rolled her eyes to the ceiling and smiled, then took a long draw on her drink.
Stacy racked up the balls on the pool table, “Let’s play a game of cut throat!”. She acted like she was setting up a shot, bending over so my view was right down her blouse, not by accident. We played the game for a bit... Stacy wiping the table clean pretty quickly.
“Pool Shark! I suppose you’ll suggest we play for money next time?” I said in defeat.
“I think ‘Strip Cut Throat’ might be more fun”, Stacy shot back. The timer on the oven broke in before either Cindy or I could respond. I have to admit I was surprised at the flirtatious banter from Stacy, but Cindy seemed amused with it, laughing at her comment.
We grabbed the pizza and some plates from the kitchen and sat down at the bar in the family room.
Stacy grabbed the bottle of rum and some Coke for refills. I noticed both of their glasses were empty.
“So how do you two know each other?” I asked, wondering how close they were.
Cindy replied, “We’ve known each other since grade school. We play soccer together now”
Stacy chimed in, “And gymnastics! We’ve been besties forever. We tell each other everything.”
I shot a look over to Cindy- she giggled and looked off to the side. Her face turned a little red.
“Oh, really?” I said... wondering exactly how much Stacy knew. I took a gulp of my drink. I could feel a good buzz already from the rum. Considering these two were about half my weight, they should be pretty lit by now... especially Stacy, who was drinking more than we were.
“You said you wanted a guy’s opinion on something?”, I said to Stacy, trying to redirect the subject.
“Oh! Yeah, I just got some new outfits. I’m not sure if they look too dorky. I might take ‘em back... do you want to see?”
“Certainly! How could I say ‘no’ to that?” I replied, and looked over to Cindy. She jumped up and followed Stacy out of the room.
“I want to see a full modeling show from both of you!”, I yelled at them as they disappeared down the hall.
—————-————— Modeling Show ———————-———
I played pool while I waited for them. A few minutes passed and they both came in, strutting across the room like runway models. Cindy was wearing some silky, loose-fitting ivory pants and a blue cashmere sweater. Stacy wore a rather conservative plaid ‘jumper’ that looked expensive.
“I like! You both look great”, I said (but I was hoping for something a little more risqué).
“You don’t think this is dorky?”, asked Stacy as she struck a pose.
“Well, I was hoping for something from Victoria’s Secret, but for the right situation, I think both of those outfits are very attractive. Of course, you two would look hot in anything you wore”
“So... not sexy enough, huh? Let’s try again”, Stacy replied. She grabbed Cindy’s hand and ran out of the room. I noticed them stumble and bounce off each other as they hit the hallway. The alcohol was definitely hitting them.
I took another sip of my drink and wondered what direction this night was headed. In a few minutes they popped back in, both barefoot, dancing and twirling to the music. Cindy was wearing a thin sweater dress, clinging tightly to her body and so short I wondered if it was a dress at all, or just a sweater worn as a dress. Stacy had on a red miniskirt, and a sheer white blouse.
Immediately I noticed Stacy wasn’t wearing a bra. I looked back at Cindy and, nope... I could see the shape of those puffy nipples I have been lusting after, poking through the material.
“WOW! You looked beautiful before, but now... oh my God... You’re taking my breath away.”
I pulled a chair around and sat down to watch the show. The girls danced around me, running their hands over my shoulders and through my hair as they spun around. Stacy danced over to the pool table, grabbed the bumpers and shook her ass back and forth at me. Cindy took her lead and did the same, but her sweater ‘dress’ was so short I got a flash of her ass.
I don’t think either one of them was wearing underwear.
My dick was already awake, but this realization made it pop large in my pants. They were looking back at me and shaking their asses when I reached down and adjusted my hard-on to the side so it could straighten out. Upon seeing this, Stacy stopped dancing, swung around and stared straight at the bulge in my pants. Cindy laughed, and poked Stacy in the ribs.
“Whatsamatter, Stace- haven’t you ever seen a boner before?”, Cindy said, laughing.
Stacy stood there with a shocked look, staring at my crotch, “Yes, I’ve seen one... well, pictures anyway... you know I haven’t seen the real thing.”
This made Cindy laugh even harder.
Stacy looked over and scowled at Cindy, “You hadn’t either, until...” she drifted off. She looked back at me.
...... “I know, let’s play a game... Truth Or Dare?”
I laughed and looked at Cindy, “Someone has been talking about our secrets”, and gave her a stern look. “Look, you have to promise to keep this between us. You can’t tell anyone else about our games.”
Stacy moved closer to Cindy and said, “Pinky swear, forever”, and hooked her pinky finger with Cindy’s, and they did some weird quick handshake. “Pinky swear”, Cindy replied.
I looked back at Stacy, and looked more closely at her round boobs showing through the sheer blouse. She had dark nipples, and large areolas... almost half as large as her breasts.
......damn, that is not helping calm the situation
“So, Stacy, you’ve never seen a boner before? You two are both virgins?”
Stacie stammered, “Yes... I mean No... there are no boys at our school... I’ve never seen one, but yes, I’m still a virgin.
... I don’t want to be though.”
Cindy laughed, “Oh my God, Stace! Don’t be such a slut!”, and punched her in the arm. They both stumbled from the hit, and Stacy nearly fell down.
They were both pretty drunk.
Making sure Stacy was watching, I reached down and shifted my hard-on again in my pants. Shifting my eyes down to her breasts, I rubbed my dick through my pants to be completely obvious. I was being a lot bolder than I would ever be, but they were flirting like mad, Cindy had obviously told Stacy about Truth Or Dare, if not more, and the rum was loosening me up.
And these two had my cock taking over my judgment.
“Come closer. Both of you... I want to see you closer”, I said, still rubbing myself.
They looked at each other, Stacy wide-eyed and smiling; Cindy looking a little concerned. When Cindy got close, I pulled her down to me and kissed her, “It’s okay- I won’t do anything without your approval. You call all the shots”.
Cindy smiled at me, and looked at Stacy, “Okay Stace... Truth Or Dare.”
Stacy was surprised at this, but replied “Dare” quite quickly as she walked closer.
“Show Jeff your panties”, Cindy said with a giggle.
Stacy looked at her, “but, I don’t... um...”
I smiled at her and directed my gaze from her breasts, down to her skirt. I motioned at her to raise her skirt. “Come on... let me see what you have on under there.”
For the first time, Stacy looked a little apprehensive. She reached down and lifted her skirt a little, still looking at the bulge in my pants.
Cindy was enjoying this, “Move closer to him!”
Stacy took a step towards me, then suddenly turned around and flipped her skirt up- quickly flashing her ass at me, then turned back around.
“Well! I don’t see any panties!” I said, mocking shock at the fact she was naked under the skirt.
“Jeff- Truth Or Dare?” Cindy asked me. Evidently she was the director of these challenges.
I replied, “Dare, of course”, wondering what she had in mind.
“Show Stace your panties”, Cindy said with a wide smile.
I seized the opportunity. I stood up, pulled off my shirt, unbuttoned my jeans, and pulled them down to my knees. My underwear started coming down with them, so I had to hold the waistband and shuffle my jeans down with my other hand.
I sat back down and reclined the chair slightly. My cock was barely covered by the waistband of my underwear, a large wet spot at the head.
Cindy looked at me, then we both looked at Stacy, who was mesmerized at the sight. Cindy laughed, and skipped the formality, “Show Jeff your bra.”
Stacy didn’t hesitate on this one. She unbuttoned her blouse, pulled it out from her waistband, and opened it wide to expose herself, evidently quite proud of her growing boobs. Her breasts looked even better bare. Undeveloped, maybe an A cup, but plump and pretty big for her age, with huge areolas and nipples that stood erect, and straight out.
I flexed my cock so it jumped a bit, pulling at my waistband. I knew this would get a rise from Stacy, and she gasped wide-eyed and covered her mouth.
Cindy was really enjoying this. She got closer to me, bent over and stroked my cock through my underwear. When she moved her hand down, the waistband followed, nearly exposing the head.
I reached behind her and ran my hand up Cindy’s thigh, under her ‘skirt’ and felt her ass. Running my fingers between her legs, I pushed them forward, over her ass and started rubbing her tiny pussy. It was dripping wet.
Stacy was staring wide-eyed at the erection in my underwear, her mouth slightly open. “Can I touch it?”
Cindy shook her head, “Only if I say so”, and continued stroking me through my underwear. Cindy was savoring being in charge; Stacy was obviously the "alfa female", and wasn't used to this.
"Raise your skirt and show Jeff your kitty", Cindy told her, like she was giving a command.
Stacy looked nervous. She looked up at me, then reached down with both hands and grabbed the hem of her skirt. I noticed her right hand was shaking a little.
"Are you going to show me... your... your thing?", Stacy asked me, but Cindy cut her off. "You aren't seeing anything unless you do exactly as you are told."
Yeah, Cindy was having fun.
I moved my hand around to the front of Cindy's 'dress' and blatantly slid my hand up the front and started rubbing her pussy again. Stacy’s eyes broke from mine and shot over to my hand up Cindy's skirt, and took a quick breath. The cocky bravado Stacy had been throwing around had suddenly disappeared. She continued holding the hem of her skirt, locked in place while looking back and forth at my hand up Cindy's dress, and the hard-on in my underwear.
I pulled my hand out from under Cindy's dress, and my fingers were glistening wet. Stacy stared as I put them in my mouth and sucked off the juices, then slid them back up Cindy's dress.
Stacy’s mouth dropped, and she quickly pulled her skirt up to her waist, completely exposing her little beaver. She had slightly more hair than Cindy, and it was dark brown. I could see her labia protruding, the lips glistening from her leaking pussy. I noticed her nipples were engorged as well; this was definitely turning her on.
Cindy reached down and raised the waistband of my underwear with one hand, and slid the other over the head of my cock, still hiding it from Stacy’s eyes. She pulled her hand out and showed how wet it was to Stacy, then licked her palm.
Another gasp from Stacy. She was still holding her skirt up for me, and I could see a long drip of her lube hanging from her pussy.
"Oh my Gosh, Stace! ...you are dripping!" Cindy burst out laughing.
Stacy looked shocked, and reached down and caught the drip with her hand, along with a great deal of lube from her lips. She was obviously embarrassed.
"Oh, and you aren't?" I said to Cindy, and pulled my fingers out from under her dress and showed them to her. "I think it is sexy as hell", then sucked her lube off my fingers again.
"Come closer, Stacy"; I motioned for her to step towards me. She came within reach, her hand still catching the lube leaking from her pussy. I reached out and grasped her wrist, pulling her hand away from covering her pussy. Lube dripped from her fingers.
I brought her hand to my mouth and sucked her fingers, one by one, savoring every drop. Stacy looked shocked at what I was doing.
"I suppose you like the taste of her more than me?" Cindy said, watching me do this.
"You both taste delicious, but you know you are always my favorite", I replied, still holding Stacy’s hand.
I let go of Stacy’s hand and reached out and touched her pussy. It was still dripping wet. Running my fingers over her labia, I found her opening and slid my middle finger inside. Stacy took a quick breath, and her tight opening contracted. She was tight... nowhere near as tight as Cindy, but as tight as you might expect for a virgin her age. Actually, I could slide my finger all the way in her... no resistance. Maybe she had masturbated with her hairbrush or something, but I felt no trace of a hymen.
I started working my finger in her pussy, feeling her G-Spot area swelling at the touch, and rubbing on her clit using my thumb. It seemed to be working; Stacy moved in closer, still holding her skirt up, and squatted slightly and rocked on my probing finger. I pulled out my middle finger and replaced it with two fingers, and started curling them on her G-Spot. God, her tight little pussy felt good... so fucking tight, but I'm sure I could get my cock in there... it would just take a little work. I wanted to feed this girl my cock.. I wanted to watch my thick cock slide inch by inch into her...
I think I may have been too focused on flinger-fucking Stacy’s tight little hole. Cindy didn't like so much attention going to her friend. "Did I say you could do that?", she said, and reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling my fingers out of her friend's pussy. Stacy shot a look at Cindy, still holding her skirt up, "Really? Who put you in charge?"
Cindy pointed to me.
“Well, yeah, I guess those are the rules”, I replied with a smirk, and tried to drown out my thoughts on fucking Stacy. I looked back at Cindy...’your move’
“Okay, truth, Stace... do you want to see Jeff’s cock?”
I was surprised to hear her say the word ‘cock’.
“Yes. Show it to me!”
“Only if you do what I tell you. Jeff, here, is an ass man.”
“Turn around and show him your ass.”
Stacy turned around and lifted her skirt, exposing her round bubble butt.
“I said show him your ass, not your butt. Bend over and spread your butt cheeks so he can see your ass”, Cindy demanded, in a rather degrading tone.
She was enjoying being in charge and making her over-confident friend feel vulnerable.
Stacy looked back at me nervously. I nodded and motioned her to do it.
She bent over and put her hands on her cheeks, but stopped.
“Spread ‘em!”, Cindy ordered.
Stacy slowly pulled apart her ass cheeks, opening them wide and exposing her asshole and her very wet pussy. Her lips ‘smacked’ when they separated, and another drop of her lube leaked out and hung there. Her swollen lips stuck out from her open pussy, surrounded by wisps of hair. Her asshole was darker, not light pink like Cindy’s, but spread open like this the pink entrance was partially visible.
I reached out to slide my fingers in that very fuckable pussy, but Cindy grabbed my hand again. “No touching unless I say so!”
“Jeff, go lay down on the floor over there”, Cindy directed.
I got up from the chair and did as she told me. Stacy was still bent over spreading her ass.
“Do you still want to see his cock?” Cindy asked bluntly. Stacy stood back up and just nodded.
“Go over and pull down his underwear”
Stacy quickly knelt down and tugged at my underwear, but my erection was caught on the waistband. She pulled up on it and my cock sprung free, slapping back loudly on my stomach into a pool of my precum.
Stacy’s eyes grew wide and her mouth dropped open. She immediately reached out and grabbed it.
“Jesus! You weren’t exaggerating! Its huge!”
These were the days before internet porn, so my 8” cock must have looked huge compared to the drawings she had seen in Sex-Ed classes.
She pulled on my cock so it stood straight up, “Jesus... I never thought...”
Cindy walked over and stood over me, placing her feet on either side of my head, facing Stacy. I could look straight up between her legs.
“Put his cock in your mouth”, Cindy ordered.
Stacy took a deep breath and bent over and hovered, her mouth open but still a few inches above the head.
“You know you want to, Stace, you told me you fantasized about giving a blowjob... suck his cock!”
Stacy lowered her head and wrapped her mouth around the head, which was covered in precum. My whole body jumped from the feeling of her mouth as she started sucking.
I was watching Stacy suck my dick when Cindy’s ass hit my forehead. I dropped my head to the floor and she squatted down on my face, my nose in her ass and my mouth slurping up her little wet pussy. She immediately started rocking her hips, grinding against my mouth. It was like a wonderful 69, except it was Stacy sucking my cock, not Cindy.
I certainly wasn’t thinking this might happen tonight... I was in ecstasy, but I could barely breathe with Cindy’s pussy and ass smothering my face. She was pretty drunk, and was grinding her box pretty aggressively against my mouth.
I heard her say, “You’re doing it wrong! You need to take it deeper into your mouth.”
I couldn’t see what was happening, but Cindy’s weight shifted forward and suddenly Stacy’s head thrust downward and my cock hit the back of her throat. I heard her gagging and her head abruptly came back up and she was trying to talk, “Not so deep! I’m choking!”
I realized Cindy was holding Stacy’s head and pushing it up and down on my cock.
God, I wish I could see this... but I could feel it. My orgasm was quickly building up feeling Stacy’s mouth being forced back down on my cock. I reached my hands up Cindy’s dress and grabbed her hips to slide her body up and down on my face. She ground her pussy harder down and humped my mouth roughly, “Oh God... that feels... Fuck!... Jeff!..”
I was right with her - I could feel the pressure building and I lost control. I started thrusting my cock upwards every time Cindy pushed Stacy’s head down.
Cindy’s body went into a spasm as she came on my face, and suddenly Stacy’s head was shoved down hard on my cock. The back of her throat was constricting on the head as I heard her gagging... the feeling pushed me over the edge.
Cindy pushed down harder on Stacy’s head as she rode the waves of her climax, and I could feel the head of my cock pop into her throat. My mind exploded and I pumped rope after rope of cum straight down Stacy’s throat. She gagged and as she swallowed again and again her throat milked my cock like I’ve never felt before.
Cindy released her grasp on Stacy’s head and she jerked up coughing and gasping for air. “What the fuck, Cindy?!! Were you trying to kill me?!!”
“Oh, God, Stace... I’m sorry! I kinda lost it there. Are you okay?” Cindy scrambled to stand up and help Stacy to her feet. I could finally see Stacy, and she was a mess. Her mascara was running, hair all tangled, and cum was running from her mouth down her chin and neck. Cindy was trying to console her. It looked like Stacy was about to cry.
“Dammit, Stacy... that was fucking amazing. That was the most fantastic blowjob I have ever had. Un-fucking-believable.”
Stacy looked at me, and her distraught look was quickly replaced with a trembling smile, “Really? Was that really the best?”
She looked over at Cindy and smiled wider, then burst out laughing.
Cindy started laughing too, “Stace! You dirty little cock-sucker... you are a sticky mess!”
Stacy glanced at her reflection in the bar mirror, then looked down at the cum running down onto her boobs from her chin- this made her laugh even harder. She scooped it up with her hands, stepped over as though to show Cindy, but suddenly smeared it in her hair, and turned and ran out to the pool. Cindy screamed at her and chased her outside.
I was still sitting on the floor, with my pants down to my ankles. I saw Stacy jump into the pool, and Cindy strip off her sweater dress and follow her into the water.
It seemed to be an excellent time for a swim... I took off my pants and joined them.
Next: Part 7 - Stacie’s Turn |
Title: 6 - Senior Year - Part 3
Tags: True Story, Cheating, Male/Female
Content:
Note: As per my other stories, the character names are all changed on the off chance that there is someone who recognizes any of the descriptions of living arrangements or furniture. If this is the first story of mine that you are reading, I have stories before this - while the other stories are not necessary to read, they do help to build up some backstory to where I was in my life at the time. You might find yourself lost with character names or interactions. Once again, while the verbal interaction may not be accurate, the physical interaction is to the best of my recollection.
---
After my night with Alexa, we both felt like it was so right, but we knew the repercussions would be pretty extreme. Emily and all of the females we generally hung out with were kind of catty individuals – the kinds who are very into their appearance. Even though most of the guys in our group were pretty laid back, the girls could be downright bitches if they wanted to be. They looked down on the ‘less popular’ people in our school, which wasn’t really saying much. For the most part, everyone in our grade of like eighty people got along pretty well. Not everyone hung out together outside of school, but any one of them was welcome at a party. That being said, the girls definitely felt the need to talk shit about other girls behind their backs for various reasons; clothing choices (outside of school), girls’ boyfriends, general appearance. It’s really something I’ve never been fond of, but back then I didn’t really do anything about it. It didn’t affect me, so whatever.
Alexa and I decided to just do what we could when the opportunity presented itself. Spring Break went somewhat awkwardly. There were ten people going – three couples, myself, another guy Hunter (who was gay), and Seth and Alexa. Alexa had dumped Seth due to his general douchebaggery only a couple weeks before we went to Mexico. Two couples agreed to share a room, I guess because they were fine with having sex with other people right beside them. One couple got a room to themselves, which I’m sure they appreciated. That left Alexa, Seth, Hunter and myself to split the last two rooms we had. Initially the plan became that Alexa would room with Hunter, and I would room with Seth, but Alexa had a novel solution that allowed us to flip that plan around. Claiming that her “Christian values” dictated that Hunter made her very uncomfortable, and that Seth was such an asshole to her, if I could switch rooms with Hunter, that would be ideal. Looking back, I’m pretty sure Hunter knew her excuse was bullshit, but he was a really laid back dude, and had no problems with it – he didn’t act hostile towards Alexa in any way after that. So we spent a week and a half together, partying with the group during the day, before returning to our room together at night to continue our fun time alone.
About a month later, I think it was mid-April or so, I got accepted to the university that was my first choice, as had Bill – we immediately planned to room together, since we’d been great friends since preschool. This news could not have come at a better time – I got the news on a Wednesday or Thursday, and my birthday was on the Friday. My family took me out to celebrate the good news, and I had big plans for my eighteenth birthday for the weekend.
As school let out Friday, I talked over my plans with Emily, and she assured me that she had some things worked out to fill in any gaps there may be. The first thing I was planning on doing was going to my friend’s house to get baked. This was a regular part of my life for a number of years at this point, and it became habitual that we would go get high right after class on Friday – it’s always good to start the weekend off on a high, we would joke.
Later in the evening, I was at home, getting ready to go out, when my Emily called me somewhat unexpectedly.
“Hey, Rob, there’s been a slight change in plans,” she explained.
“Huh?” I asked, kind of confused – everything had been laid out a couple hours before.
“You need to pick up Alexa before you come to dinner is all – her car isn’t working.”
“I don’t have time for this,” I sighed.
“We pushed the reservation back thirty minutes, it’s fine. Can you please just leave soon and pick her up and meet us at the restaurant?”
“K,” I responded, pressing the end call button
-----
Thirty minutes later, Alexa was running down the steps of her dad’s rental house and jumping into the passenger seat of my minivan.
“What’s going on, Alexa?” I asked.
“What do you mean? Nothing’s going on, we’re going for dinner.”
“What are you talking about?” I was a little skeptical of her reaction. “I meant like ‘how’s it going?’”
“Oh, I’m good. Fine.”
Leaning over, I kissed her gently, before reading out and holding her hand, our fingers intertwined, as started to drive towards the restaurant for dinner.
“So what IS going on,” I asked, smiling and keeping my eyes on the road.
“Nothing’s going on,” she answered, a little too quickly.
“Emily and Christie have planned another huge surprise party for someone’s birthday, haven’t they?” I asked. Christie was the Events Coordinator for the Student Council, and all year she had been trying to plan massive surprise birthdays at restaurants. Honestly, after the first couple, everyone saw this coming a mile away. Not everyone in the grade showed up to these dinners – it was usually only the person’s closer friends and a few others – maybe twenty to thirty people, but it was still a nice gesture.
Alexa’s lack of response was very telling.
“It’s fine, I’ll sarcastically act surprised, like people would expect,” I laughed.
Squeezing my hand, she sighed.
“I don’t get how it’s supposed to be a surprise when Christie organizes one for every weekend,” she answered finally.
“I hate this shit, though. It’s fine when it’s other people’s birthdays, but I don’t really like being the center of attention,” I let go of her hand, pulling over, still in a residential area.
“Please, Rob? I promised Emily I’d get you to dinner.”
“You know, we have plenty of time,” I grinned at her. “It only takes ten more minutes to get there, and Emily told me the reservation had been pushed back half an hour.”
“You’re kidding,” she looked at me.
“Well…” I drifted off, pulling her hand to my jeans-covered cock.
“Rob, I’m just… I’m not comfortable doing it out here. Anyone could walk by. What if a police officer saw us?”
I guess I had gotten used to just fucking wherever and whenever was convenient. I’d had sex in broom closets, cars, offices, bathrooms… the only place I’d made love to Alexa was in a bed, where no one could see us. It hadn’t occurred to me that she was a private person. Almost every girl I’d been with to this point was fine just bending over and taking it. Alexa was different. It wasn’t just sex, it wasn’t just orgasms. It was me making her feel special. It was a display of actual emotional feelings.
“I’m sorry, Alexa,” I said, feeling genuine disgust with myself over the sheer number of meaningless sexual encounters I’d had with some of the sluttiest girls I knew.
“It’s ok. How much time DO we have?”
“Not enough to get somewhere private and make it on time.”
“Just turn around and go back to my house,” she answered.
“What?”
“Just do it, I’ll handle this,” she commanded.
Turning around, I started driving back to her place, wondering what was going on.
“Emily? Hey, it’s Alexa. Ya, I’m with Rob.” I was assuming what she was being asked based on her responses. “No, we’re going to be a bit late. I don’t know like maybe twenty or thirty minutes. Ya, well Rob got a flat tire on my street, so he’s just changing it right now. We’ll be there, just… Ya, I’ll put him on.”
The phone being pressed into my ear, I didn’t know how to act.
Grunting to pretend I was working, I finally spoke, “Ya? Oh hey, babe. Ya, I think I drove over some broken glass or something, the tire is kinda fucked. Ya, I’m working on it. I know – I’m sorry too. I’ll get this done as soon as I can,” I spoke, before the phone was pulled from my ear as we pulled into Alexa’s driveway.
“Ok Em, we’ll be there as soon as we can. I’ll let you know when we’re back on the road,” Alexa said, before hanging up.
Running inside, and upstairs, we were both naked less than a minute later, hands roaming, rediscovering parts of each other that we felt like we hadn’t touched in years. Sitting on her bed, Alexa pulled my cock to her mouth, getting me at full attention, before reaching into a hidden spot under bed and pulling out a condom.
“Nicely hidden away,” I laughed.
“My dad would probably be cool with it, but I don’t want to take a chance,” she replied, pulling me onto the bed.
Quickly, she’d rolled the condom down, making sure it was as far as it was go before straddling me, the fingers of both our hands intertwined once more, as she slowly lowered herself onto my ready cock.
“Oh, fuck!” Alexa cried, her pussy slowly expanding to meet my size.
I started to push up into her, trying to get all the way in – it had been a while since we’d been able to do this. Letting go of her hands, I grabbed her hips, trying to force myself further in. Two hands on my chest stopped me.
“Slower, Rob. We’ve got a bit of time,” she purred at me, before lowering her chest to mine and kissing me passionately.
One hand went to the back of her head, pulling her into me, forcing the kiss to last forever. My other hand, pawed at her plump behind, pulling the cheek to the side, as we lay unmoving, her pussy doing all the work.
Hearing a phone ring, I looked over and saw that Emily was calling again.
“You can’t ignore it, Alexa,” I sighed, as Alexa climbed off and grabbed her phone.
“What?” I heard. “No, we don’t need help, Rob is almost done changing it already. It would be a waste of time – Bill would get halfway here and probably have to turn right around. We’re fine, I think Rob is putting the screw things back on right now,” she looked at me, panicked. “Ok, see you soon,” she bit her bottom lip, unsure of her next step.
Standing up beside her, I picked her up at the waist, and her legs instinctually wrapped around me. Lowering her to the bed, I started to hammer her hard and fast – there wasn’t time if we wanted to do this anymore. Feeling her nails digging into my back, I grabbed her under each armpit, gaining more leverage to fuck her harder and faster.
“Oh Rob!” she screamed, before I kissed her roughly, pushing my tongue into her mouth
Moments later, I felt it coming, and told her so. Pushing me up, she grabbed the condom off me and took me in her mouth, letting my hot semen coat her mouth and throat. I kept thrusting into her mouth even after I stopped shooting, before she finally stood up. Smiling beautifully, she pulled my head down and stood on tiptoes, kissing me on the cheek.
“Did you cum?” I asked her. Every time we’d made love, she had at least twice – usually she did like four or five times.
“No, but that’s ok. Happy Birthday, Rob,” she said, love in her eyes.
Getting dressed quickly, we got back in my van as fast as we could.
-----
Dinner was boring, to put it delicately. As much as I enjoyed spending time with the people I went to school with, I really just wanted to be with Alexa for the rest of my life. I didn’t want to sit through a dinner with twenty-five people (including that asshole Mark) and feign interest in what was going on. The worst part of it all is that Emily had her arm hooked around mine for most of the meal, laying claim to her man – her man whose heart wasn’t in it anymore. Was it ever? I thought so at a time. With this declaration of ownership, I could see the pain in Alexa’s eyes. The realization that, while she and I were making love, I was still returning to Emily and fucking her multiple times a week. That must have been killing her, and at one point she excused herself from the table, and looked like she was about to cry.
“Isn’t anyone going to see if she’s ok?” I asked, looking around.
“She’s fine, Rob,” Emily reassured me.
Nice best friend she was. I waited a minute, before standing up.
“Gonna hit the john,” I declared, pushing my chair back.
No one was even really paying attention – everyone was in conversation, many talking about the recent wave of acceptance letters that had gone out this week.
Heading over to the bathroom, I noticed Alexa sitting on the sidewalk outside, her feet in the parking lot. I ducked out the side door of the restaurant, and went and sat with her.
“Are you ok?”
“Ya, I’m fine. It’s hard.”
“I know. I can see it’s hurting you,” I told her, delicately trying to take her hand in mine.
“You know, but you’re still with her. And I can’t do anything,” she started to sob uncontrollably.
“Alexa, it’s… I don’t know what the fuck to do,” I said. It was true.
“I know,” she cried between breaths. “I’ll be fine. Let’s go back inside.”
I wanted to tell her that I thought I loved her. I knew I did. Everything else in my life just kind of happened. I went to school. I had a girlfriend. I had sex. I worked during the summer. Nothing until my feelings for Alexa felt so right. It felt like it was just what I was doing. Shit just sort of fell into my lap, and I didn’t really care. But Alexa… I couldn’t process the feelings into anything other than ‘meant to be’, as corny as it is.
Standing up, she started walking back into the restaurant, looking back at me.
“Are you coming?” she asked.
“In a minute,” I said. “Go ahead.”
I sat there for a while, unsure of myself. I had missed my opportunity to tell her how I really felt. How could I? We’d had sex maybe twenty times over two months. In that same time, I’d fucked my girlfriend probably ten more times than that. How can you tell someone you love them when you’re willingly engaging in sexual relations with another person… let alone their best friend?
“Are you ok, dude?” Bill had come to find me.
“No,” I answered, not looking at him.
“What’s wrong, bud? It’s your birthday! You’re eighteen today. What could be better?”
“I don’t even know how to talk about it. I don’t know IF I can talk about it.”
“You wanna get out of here?”
“Like just bail?”
“Well, go say you’re not feeling well and I’m gonna drive your van home for you or something. Let’s go roll and just talk,” he offered.
I agreed, heading back inside momentarily, to offer my thanks for everyone’s attendance.
-----
An hour or so later, I had explained to him everything (with the exception of Mrs. Curtis – I didn’t really feel that part was at all relevant to what was going on with me and my feelings for Alexa).
“I still don’t know what to say, man,” Bill told me. “That’s pretty heavy.”
“What would you do?” I asked him, seeking any advice available.
“What can you do?” he sighed with me. “If you leave Emily, you can’t date Alexa… like ever… at least not for the rest of the school year. That’s like some reverse bro code shit or something.”
“Ya, but I don’t really want to be miserable for the last two months of school, either,” I replied.
We both sat there, thinking for a while.
“It’s shitty, dude,” he finally said. “You need to end things with Emily, either way. If she’s cheating on you, which it sounds like she is, that’s fucked up. But you still can’t use that as an excuse to suddenly start dating her best friend, either.”
“So what now? Every time I’m with Alexa, I just want to kiss her and hold her hand, and be happy together. I can’t do that at school, and I can’t do that out of school because if I’m with Alexa, it’s typically because Emily is involved somehow.”
“Well first things, first. Break up with Emily. Then we’ll figure out part two,” he responded.
“I’m not breaking up with her over the phone. I’ll do it in private this weekend or something.”
“Maybe you and Alexa can be together, just not in the presence of other people?” Bill suggested.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
Sitting up, he got very excited.
“No, seriously dude, this is easy. Listen – you’re going to be pretty depressed about breaking up with Emily, right?”
“Not really,” I began, before Bill cut me off.
“No, obviously not really, dumbass. But that’s what people are going to expect. There’d be no way people would expect you to be happy right after breaking up with your girlfriend.”
“Ok?” I asked, trying to follow his plan.
“Well, so it’d be easy for you to spend time with Alexa then. Just tell people you’re not really interested in doing anything and you want to be alone.”
“And what about Alexa?” I asked him.
“What about her?”
“Won’t she have to console her best friend after she gets dumped?”
“If she’s really cheating on you with Mark, I guarantee she’ll be fine within a couple days, dude,” he answered.
“Ya, that’s true,” I said, getting my phone out of my pocket.
“What are you doing?”
“Texting Alexa,” I mumbled, concentrating on the phone.
A minute later, I looked back up at Bill.
“I’m gonna go dude.”
“You alright?” he asked.
“Ya, I’m gonna go see Alexa. I need to talk to her.”
“Alright, brother. Drive safe,” he grinned at me.
-----
A while later, I pulled up at Alexa’s house, knocking on the door.
“Hey Rob,” I was greeted by Mr. Allen – I completely didn’t realize he would be here.
“Uhh, hey, Mr. Allen,” I stammered.
“Kind of late to be showing up, don’t you think?” he asked.
“Well it’s a Friday and, uhh… Sorry. Is… Do you think I could talk to Alexa for a minute?”
“Is she expecting you, Rob?”
“I don’t think so, but it’s really important. I need to thank her for all her help in getting me into university,” I lied.
“Let me go see if she’s decent,” he answered. “Come on in.”
I stood nervously in the front hall of this house, each second feeling like twenty minutes.
Two minutes later, Mr. Allen came back downstairs.
“Rob, she’ll be down in a couple minutes, but she looks upset. I’m going to be in the kitchen if you need anything.” He said, obviously implying that he would be monitoring us.
As Alexa came down the stairs, I could tell she had been crying. Her face was red, her eyes were puffy, and the obvious sign was that her makeup was a mess. Despite all of that, I still couldn’t help smiling when I saw her.
“Can we talk for a minute?” I asked her, trying to get her to look at me.
“I don’t think now’s a good time, Rob. After tonight...” she trailed off.
“Please? I need to say some things to you. Just for a minute. I’ll leave after that,” I said softly.
“Fine. Just for a minute,” she answered, standing there.
“Can we do it privately?” I could see Mr. Allen watching us from the kitchen.
“Is it important?”
“Super,” I replied.
“Dad, we’re going downstairs for a minute,” she hollered over her shoulder. “It’s fine,” she added.
Following her into the basement, I closed the door behind us.
Looking at me in the eyes finally, I stroked her cheek with my knuckle.
“Well?” she asked me, tears starting to form again.
“I’m going to break up with Emily,” I told her.
“That’s it? You drove all the way here to tell me you’re breaking up with your girlfriend? That still doesn’t help, Rob!” she started to raise her voice at me.
“There’s more,” I said, trying to calm her down.
“What’s the point? We know it’s not going to work,” she turned to go back upstairs.
Grabbing her arm, I spun her into me, and looked down at her.
“Alexa… I love you.”
She stared at me, tears pouring out of her eyes.
“Don’t, Rob,” she cried.
“No. I love you. You have to know that I love you,” I begged her, tears forming in my eyes as well.
“Why are you doing this?” she asked, sitting on the steps.
“Because I need you to know,” I sputtered. “I don’t care about anything else. I’ve never felt like anything was right in my life. I just kind of went with the flow.”
I got on my knees in front of her, taking her hands in mine.
“You need to know, this isn’t me saying that what we have is beautiful. This is me telling you, I’m yours.”
She stared at me for a second, before standing up – I quickly followed.
“So…” she started.
“So,” I answered.
“How are we going to be together?”
“I mean… I hadn’t thought that part through all the way, but I can spend time with you outside of school if you want.”
“What good is that, Rob? I maybe have a guy who’s the best thing in my life, and I have to do it in private?”
“I thought you’d be a little happier,” I confessed.
“I’m happy that you love me. I’m happy you’re not going to waste your time with Emily anymore. I’m happy that you drove over here to tell me all of this. But if it doesn’t help us be together, what’s the point?” she asked again.
“What do you want me to do?” I was weeping uncontrollably. “I’ll do it. Just tell me what it is.”
“I don’t know… can I think about it?” she asked.
Here I was, crying my eyes out, having just told the woman I knew was meant for me that I loved her and was willing to do anything for that love, and she needed to think about it. How foolish was I? How did not see this coming when I was talking to Bill.
“I… I guess?” I answered weakly.
The next few minutes were like a blur. I walked halfway up the steps, kissed her goodbye, and then kept walking. I left her house, and drove home, and don’t remember any of it happening.
-----
The next morning, I left Emily a message, asking if I could come by later.
When I did get to see her, I was pretty blunt about things.
“Look, Emily… I don’t think it’s going to work out between us. I know we were thinking there was going to be some fairytale goodbye at the end of summer, but you’re going to a different school than me next year. I’m not happy, and I just don’t think it’s fair to either of us if we keep this going,” I told her.
She was understandably a little mad, but definitely more surprised.
“I’m sorry,” I told her, walking outside to my van. I had definitely been doing a lot of apologizing lately.
Driving home, not even five minutes later, I got a call from Alexa.
“I didn’t think you were seriously going to break up with her,” she said. “At least not that fast.”
“Ya, well. I dunno.”
“Are you ok?” she asked.
“I’m fine. I’m just gonna go home and work out or something,” I told her, not really wanting to talk to her until she had made a decision.
I didn’t know what to do. I’d just broken up with my only girlfriend I’d had to that point, with no certainty that I would even be involved with the girl who I cared so much about. I didn’t hear anything the rest of the weekend.
-----
Monday morning came, and I was really not looking forward to seeing Emily, and even more worried about seeing Alexa. I hadn’t talked to her in two days, and hadn’t seen her since Friday night. I could deal with Emily giving me the gears over my sudden decision, but waiting for news, be it good or bad, is always the most frustrating thing.
“Hey, Asshole,” Emily greeted me as I walked towards my locker.
Sighing, I just put my head down and decided to power through the day. I didn’t see Alexa that morning, and we didn’t have any classes together, so who knew when I would see her next. I did, however, have a lot of classes with Emily, so that was pleasant. Every time I even looked in her direction, I was met with a death stare, and a few whispered ‘fuck you’s. I did my best to ignore her, at least until the angry attention turned to indifference.
During lunch that day I had orchestral band practice, and since our spring concert was coming up, Alexa was working in the theater booth. She didn’t take music, despite being incredibly talent at the saxophone, but she worked the booth for most of the productions put on by the school – part of her grade in drama depended on it. Since I was in percussion, there typically long periods of time (sometimes entire lunches) where I had to be there, but not play a thing while the music teacher worked on specific sections. I used one of these breaks to walk up to the back of the theater, and duck out the door and into the booth.
“Hey,” I whispered to her, realizing she was alone in there.
“Hey,” she whispered back, making sure the lighting setup was fine for what was going on.
“Look, I know it’s only been a couple days, but do you have anything for me?” I asked, hopeful for a response.
“Ya, I think I do,” she answered, turning to smile at me for a second.
“Well?” I asked a minute or so later.
“Sorry, I’m trying to concentrate,” she answered. “Can you meet me after school, so we can talk?”
“Ya, but only for like a minute. I have other band practice after school today.”
“Hmm. I can’t stay here that late. Can we talk on the phone later?”
“I guess. I can come over or something, too. Maybe we could go out for dinner if you want?”
“That would be ok. Do you want to just come over and I’ll make something?”
“That would be fantastic,” I replied. “Just let me know when and I’ll be over – practice is usually done before six.”
“PERCUSSION!” I heard the yell from the stage.
“Oh shit, I gotta go,” I turned to leave.
“Rob,” Alexa said, getting my attention quickly.
“Ya?”
“I love you too,” she said, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.
If I thought I was a bit hazy on my weekend, I could not for the life of me tell you what happened the rest of that day. I’m pretty sure between the two band practices I fucked up about a hundred times in only a couple hours, but I didn’t really care - I was on cloud nine.
-----
I arrived at Alexa’s with some roses, still feeling giddy as can be. It was like I was a kid again going to Disney World for the first time and seeing Goofy chilling in the Magic Kingdom.
She had made some pasta with chicken in it – the pasta wasn’t cooked perfectly, but it really didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that we couldn’t stop smiling at each other. This just felt so right that I’m surprised I never noticed a spark between us before. She must have, but I always found her presence somewhat irritating in the past, because it meant I wasn’t alone with Emily.
After dinner, we went for a walk, just holding hands, and enjoying the darkness. We would stop to kiss every so often, and we knew we weren’t going to be noticed by anyone we went to school with. The closest person in our class was probably Emily, who was a good fifteen-minute drive away – most other people lived within five to ten minutes of the school.
As we made our way back inside, we knew it was getting late – at least for a school night. My parents were ok with me not showing up on weekends, but they weren’t so thrilled if I stayed out too late during the week.
“My dad’s not going to be home until late – he had a dinner meeting way outside the city,” Alexa told me, shyly smiling at me, while she twisted a little back and forth.
“You don’t say,” I laughed, checking my watch. “I dunno, Alexa. Tonight was perfect, but it’s getting kinda late.”
“Well, you should probably go, then, shouldn’t you?” she asked me, before pulling me closely and snuggling into my chest.
“I gueeeeess I can stay for a bit,” I leaned down, kissing her on the forehead. “If you insist,” I laughed, allowing her to lead me upstairs.
As we entered her room, she told me to close to lie on her bed and relax. Lying down beside me, Alexa wrapped her leg over mine, and threw her arm over my chest, kissing me on the neck.
“You have no idea how happy I am right now,” I sighed, enjoying the feeling of her next me.
“Me too,” she purred at me, unbuckling my belt.
I lifted my hips to let her get my pants off, before sitting up and taking my shirt off. As I sat there in just my boxers, she straddled me, kissing me and sucking on my tongue. The only second our mouths were apart for the next ten minutes were when I lifted her shirt over her head.
As she rocked her hips back and forth on my still covered cock, she aggressively bit my lip, causing me to let out a rather loud moan. I thought I knew how to kiss well before, but Alexa made it an art form, using every part of her mouth in ways I had barely tried before.
Pushing her back, I rose up, dropping my boxers before I continued to grind on her for a moment, before she pushed me back to take her jeans and thong off. She lay back, handing me a condom and spreading her legs to grant me access. Slipping the condom on, I lowered myself once more to her, taking in every inch of her body with my eyes and nose, tasting as many parts as I could.
“I love you, Rob,” she whispered to me, as my face once again met hers.
“I love you too,” I answered, entering her for the first time as her boyfriend.
Her pussy slowly expanded to fit my cock, her lips squeezing me tightly, but not in a painful way. We locked lips once more, as I slowly began to thrust my prick in and out. Her legs wrapped around, gripping my ass tightly, holding me in her as our tongues danced.
Releasing her breasts from their fortress, I grazed her nipples with my chest, watching happily as her breasts succumbed to gravity
Feeling her legs loosen their grip just slightly, I returned to previous rhythm, picking up speed until the only sounds that could be heard were Alexa’s moaning and the sound of our skin slapping together like a metronome. Her hands grabbed my ass, squeezing roughly, causing me to quicken my pace until she put her hands on my chest.
Once I had pulled out, Alexa got out from beneath me and turned over, lying with her head sideways, her breasts and knees on her bed – the only thing in the air was her juicy, plump ass, beckoning me to return my cock to its home. I grabbed her left cheek with my hand, spreading her open to get a good look at her asshole as I delicately pushed my cock back into her hot pussy.
“I want it hard, baby,” Alexa moaned, her head now buried in pillows.
I answered her request with my actions, grabbing her hips for support. I started to fuck her harder and harder, every smack of our skin echoed with a muffled squeal of ecstasy. I heard her scream out as her pussy grabbed a death hold on my cock, refusing to let it out while her orgasm overtook her. Waiting for her to stop shaking, I gently started to push in and out again, as she recovered from her brief high.
“More,” she cried impatiently into the pillow, her hips rocking to meet my thrusts now.
Spitting on her tasty-looking asshole, I gingerly ran my thumb across the puckered hole, trying to gauge a response. Sensing no discouragement, I decided to gently apply pressure with my thumb as my cock continued to piston and out of her sex.
“Roooob”, Alexa moaned deeply, feeling the intruder at her back door.
Not seeing any reason to stop, I slowly pushed my thumb in, just to the first knuckle. Her pussy started to grip me again, an orgasm likely soon to follow. Moving my small piece of thumb in and out gently, I reached around with my other hand and rubbed her clit to bring her to a second quick orgasm.
Pulling out of both holes, she laid in the same position, breathing heavily for a moment, before looking back at me and asking what the hell I just did?
“Not ok?” I responded.
“Different,” she answered hastily, before pushing me onto my back
Straddling me once again, Alexa dropped quickly onto my still hard member, trying to coax me towards an orgasm of my own. I was pushing up lightly every time she dropped on me again, and playing with her tits, when she grabbed my hands.
“Which one was it?” she asked.
“What?” I responded, my breathing starting to get heavier.
“Which finger?” she asked again.
“This one,” I said, showing her my thumb.
Slamming her pussy down onto my cock harder and faster, she took my hand which was trying to return to her nipple, and brought it up to her mouth. Her mouth was now suctioning the thumb, which minutes ago was inside her asshole, as she looked into my eyes, lust burning inside hers.
This girl had been a virgin just a couple months ago, and here she was, riding my cock like she’d been doing it for years. The sight of my thumb, coupled with the knowledge of where it had just been, was enough to push me over the edge, and I came hard, as she kept licking every inch of that thumb.
She brought her lips to mine, kissing me gently with closed lips, as my cock still twitched inside her.
Lying there satisfied, I could finally feel confident that my girlfriend was the right girl for me, and that there was no way I could ever do the things I had done behind Emily’s back to Alexa… could I?
---
Author Note: I couldn’t figure out how to find a balance between the erotic literature and the story telling while fitting my entire senior year tale into just three stories. There’s more to tell, but I don’t really want to spoil the fun, so I won’t say anything more than there being one or maybe two stories left.
Some of the comments have indicated there isn’t enough sex, and I would just like to take the time to say that this isn’t really a ‘sex series,’ as you may see in other parts of the site. There will be sex in every story, but my writing style does not really work with copious amounts of sex in the story. I write my stories in the shape of many of my favorite stories on this site. I enjoy building the erotic tension, and the story, which allows (in my opinion) for the character interaction to actually be meaningful. My goal isn’t just to get a bunch of guys and girls to orgasm immediately, but to help them get there using their imaginations and the text before them.
Also, I would just like to point out now (so some people hopefully save themselves some time in the comments section): there will be no one getting pregnant in this series. I will not have sex with my mother in this series. These are stories that are mostly accurate and based on my sexual experiences growing up. I understand the desire for that in many stories (a lot of the best written stories on this site do contain incest), but that is not something that I will be writing about any time soon. I have my story to tell (over many installments) before I even contemplate that. |
Title: ( 6 ) Joy goes out on her own to meet Steve
Tags: True Story, Anal, Ass to mouth, Ass to pussy, Bestiality, Bi-sexual, Cum Swallowing, Extreme, Group Sex, Water Sports/Pissing
Introduction:
she had one long night of fucking
Content:
I was away for a few days with some work stuff, and Joy rang me to say she was heading out on Saturday night to Steve's place for some fun, I was so pissed of as we always have a great night there with lots of guys, so I knew she would be well and truly fucked by the time I got home Sunday afternoon.
My cock was rock hard all Saturday night thinking of Joy, knowing she would be fucked by the dogs and possible the horse again, I wanked myself stupid waiting for her her to call me, but by 3 am I fell of to sleep.
I finnished up Sunday morning, and drove home, my cock straining inside my trousers as my mind went wild, what had she been doing, why no phone call, it was now nearly lunch time, and nothing.
I got home and no car, so quickly I cleaned myself out, using our douche, and set of to Steves place, knowing she must still be there, some 20 cars still sat in his drive way, so she must be having one hell of a good time.
I walked around the back, guys stood around naked with cocks in hand, watching Joy, she was on the frame and being fucked by a big dog, not one I had seen before either, a pool of cum under her told me that at least one of more dogs had fucked her and the horse most likely too today, as her orgasms kept her high, guys used her mouth to empty their cum sacks.
I stripped and headed for her mouth, quickly replacing a limp cummy cock as he pulled back, as she sucked me in I said hello, her eyes blurred looked up at me and a smile came over her, my cock slipped in and she sucked me hard.
I held off, and let other guys face fuck her, while I went around and spoke to Steve, bending over to take my first cock for the day, as we spoke, Steve told me apart from 4 hours or so last night, she had been going since she got here, the black stallion was standing nearby, as I looked Steve smiled and said yep, twice already, once in her pussy too.
I know Joy has let him fuck her ass, but never her pussy, she must have been supper horny last night, as I sucked Steve's cock, he told me, that when the horse cum in her pussy, he could see her tummy fill with its cum, then when he pulled out, it flowed out in streams of hot cum for ages, and her tummy went back to normal size again.
I needed some cum and more cocks, so I worked hard on the guy fucking me and was rewards quickly by his seed, taking another cock quickly got my ass ready for a dog, to fuck me.
Joy fell out of the frame her legs to weak to hold her, as guys lay her down and fucked her pussy or ass for her, cum running out of her holes as the guys held her legs over thier shoulders, fucking her deep.
I took her place and asked for a dog to be brought up, soon I was feeling the heat and speed that only a dog can fuck with, my mouth kept open by cocks as I worked my ass on his cock for more orgasms. I normally like to have more time and cum in me before getting a dog to fuck me but I was supper horny, and my ass took it all, his knot worked its way inside, he was getting close to cumming.
The first stream of cum hit my bowels, his cock jerking wildly as my ass took all his cum, I was happy, my orgasm hit hard as more cum filled me. some one was under me sucking my cock, that was it, my balls let lose too filling his mouth, as the dog slowed and stayed locked in my ass, for some 10 mintues we lay , I worked my ass on his cock, working it for more orgasms, he had turned back to back, pulling against me, my g spot felt hot, as the knot pulled free, the guy under me now taking the full force of the dog cum, ate what he could.
Just for some more kink, as I knelt up, my cock still near his mouth, I let some piss loose, wetting his body, he held my cock and aimed it at his face, that was it, my bladder let fly, he took it all, as more cocks joined in too.
Watching Joy, her legs still up high, my ass was filled again, several guys used me and filled me with cum as we both enjoyed the fresh air on our bodies, then it was my turn, laying on the frame I told them I wanted the horse this time, Steve took of to get him, as my mind went into over drive waiting for the anal abuse I was going to receive with him in me.
Noise's behind me told me I was going to be fucked soon, as the legs appeared next to me, I saw a diffent colour, these were greyish, not black, so Steve had a second horse here today too.
My ass was beging explored by his cock now, the tip hitting my ass lips, then with one good push he went in, my mind exploded in bliss, as more followed quickly, this horse was not going slow, he wanted in, and all the way in too.
By now I knew he felt bigger than the other horse, the flared end larger around seemed to jam inside my ass, then with another push it went in, all the way too as my screams told the guys aound me.
I came too, my body jerking wildly on the frame, the horse fucking me had no care I had blacked out, he was fucking me flat out and fully too, my ass now used to the size was feeling good, real good, as a orgasm took control of my mind and sent me into another orgasm straight away.
Bloody hell, he was good, as I tried hard to keep him fully in me his balls slapping my ass with each thrust, moving my body up a big higher gave him more depth to fuck me as he snorted loudly. His cock was, or felt longer than the other horse, my orgasms now taking me into a new high, as one followed the other in quick session. then what I wanted but didn't, his cum, lots of it too, my bowels disteneded fully as he filled me to a point his cock was forced out, more cum shot over my body as I reeled in bliss.
As my legs began to work I held as much cum in me as I could, walking over to Joy, I let rip, streams of horse cum flooded her face, as she was held in place by the guy fucking her, both soaked by cum, as my ass slowed and went back to near normal, I just had to kiss her and share my spoils, licking up lots of horse cum and kissing her lovingly.
Things slowed a bit, as guys fucked us both, the dogs and horses resting after a busy night and day, Joy was still smiling as she got dp'd, her ass taking them both, after they had cum in her, I got another cock and dp her again, her ass still gripping our cocks tightly as we fee her as much man meat as we could get in her.
I waited until my balls were close to needing release, then sat on her fist, taking it fully to her elbow easy now after that horse's cock, then as they two guys fucking her ass cum, I let loose, shooting another load over her face, adding more cum to her sticky mess.
It didnt take much to get all the guy to clean us up either, swatting down on the grass, cocks all around washed our faces and bodies free of cum, then one or two filled our holes with piss too, then a nice cool shower and a drink, while we rested.
Joy took the time to tell me about last night, she had around 30 guys there, as well as the two dogs and then two horses, all took her pussy or ass for a turn, before she fell of to sleep on a guys cock some time during the early morning. Then she said it was around 8 am, when she woke,
with guys fucking her ass while she was still asleep, and it hadn't slowed since, no wonder she hadn't phoned me.
It wasnt long before the guys got horny, and we had our fill of cocks once more, Joy and I being used by most of them before I took on the grey stalion once more, I wanted to feel that huge cock fucking my ass once more, and have him empty his balls into my how well fucked ass.
I got onto the frame, and he was lead up, immidatle jumping up and finding my ass, he was horny alright, and shoved nearly the full lengh in first
time, I jumped but couldn't move far, trying to get comfortable with this huge cock filling my body.
He got upto speed quickly, now his cock was going fully into my abused hole, his balls slapping hard with each thrust. It took him a bit longer this time, his third fuck for the day I was told, my ass working over time, then like before, his cock grew more as the cum began to rush along his member, filling my body with gallons of cum.
His cock sprung free, cum streamed out of me, sperm continued to shot out of his cock, spraying every one near me, Joy was soon under me eating his cum as it ran free.
I was quickly repleced by Joy and the black stallion brought up to fuck her once more, his cock finding her pussy looked good, as he plunged fully home in seconds, this was the first time I had seen her take a horse in her pussy, the lips red and swollon with blood as he fucked her hard.
I found it more sexual seeing her take him like this, my cock was rock hard and wanted some thing to fuck. I took her mouth and used it like a cum sluts toy, pushing my cock all the way making her gag, then pulling out and wiping it over her face, the horse now snorting ready to blow his wad on hot cum in her pussy.
I held off, watching my wife take this massive animal was so horny, as guys watched her shaking wildly as he flooded her pussy with his cum, I just had to try and eat what ran out of her. His cock now free of her body shot cum over us all, he pulled back, as Joy went wild with one huge orgasm, I slid my mouth up and sucked her pussy hard, my reward was loads of hot cum, freshly dumped in her.
My cock wanted more, slipping it in her pussy was no use , my cock now felt loose as her hole stayed gapping wide, so I shoved it in her ass and fucked her hard, my hand going into her pussy to fill that hole made her jump as my cum added to the rest in her.
I lay back and watched several guys use her, each dropping his cum in her, my bladder also wanted relife, s not saying a thing, walked up and pissed in her ass, washing out some of the cum, no sooner had I pulled out then more guys fucked her and refilled her, some also pissing in her pussy or ass, no one seemed to care now.
By now it was dark once more, Joy had been going for nearly 24 hours with a short break, so I began to tell the guys to finnish up, and fill her holes with what every cum they had left, or mine, so she could get some rest, soon we both had guys fucking us both, our holes quickly filled with cum, then when they were all happy, we had one last piss session, and let them use us to empty thier bladders too.
We cleaned up a bit before heading of home, Joy had to drive her car, while I followed, once home I fucked her while she told me more about her nights fun, her pussy now back to a more normal size, but still wet with cum, sucked the last of my cum from my balls, as she told me how the horse went in her pussy instead of her ass, and she liked it just as much, that was all it ook, my seeds filled her pussy, then I went down licking her clit, eating my own cum before falling asleep in her arms. |
Title: 6 love dove love shove
Tags: True Story, Boy, Male/Female, Non-Erotic, Romance, Young
Introduction:
Just sit back and enjoy the ride!
Content:
11 FLY HIGH
On the way home, Maria and Sonya couldn't stop talking with Jeff about his experience. Roberto, however, didn't say a word. Jeff says his goodbyes quickly, darting into the house. "Mom! I spoke in tongues! I spoke in tongues!"
"Slow down, Jeff. Slow down."
Sad that she doesn't share his excitement, "I ... spoke ... in ... tongues."
Seeing his sadness, Rachel hugs Jeff, "I don't know what that means."
"I didn't either."
Overhearing the commotion, Sean walks into the kitchen, "You spoke in a heavenly language!"
Jeff runs to hug Sean, "Yes! Did you ever?"
"No I haven't. My father doesn't believe that happens anymore--that it only happened in the first century."
"Tell him he's wrong."
"That wouldn't change his mind. He'd probably think you are demon possessed. Never mind him. Tell me about it!"
Jeff enjoys Rachel's and Sean's interest as he shares his encounter with God.
Sean suggests, "Avoid telling others about this, Jeff. If it never happened to them, they probably will think you flew over the coocoo's nest. The experience enriches your life. The interpretation enriches the church. Try to share the message, not the experience."
"I thought this made me special, not wacko."
"You know better than ever that God considers you special. What others think of you will depend somewhat on how you handle this."
"Son, I agree with Sean."
"Jeff, I've been doing some work for the Birch Aquarium. Have you ever heard of it?"
"No. Tell me about it."
"Let me show you on my computer...."
"Look at that kelp forest. I can't believe Mom eats that stuff."
"Yeah, kelp is real healthy for you."
"Not for me. I don't eat it. Hey, you can actually touch the animals in the tidal pool displays."
"Who would want to touch that hermit crab?"
"Me! Wow! What brilliant seastars!"
"Yeah."
"I gotta see that spotted octopus.... Oh, coral reefs fascinate me."
"They're amazing."
"That Simulator Ride looks like fun too. We gotta do this!"
"I got a lot of work right now, Jeff, but I'll take you there someday."
"Yeah! Show me, then make me wait."
Giving Jeff a hug, "I had to see if you would be interested before I forget about it."
12 SIGHT DELIGHT
"Rachel, isn't it nice we get to have a dinner date alone. It's been a while."
"You bet your coconuts! But where are you taking me? Sean, the suspense is killing me.
"Be patient, my love. Be patient."
"For all this driving, it better be good."
"I know I'll like it."
"Ya think.... You're going to Coronado. Hotel del Coronado!"
"OK, Rachel, you figured it out. Let's check out wedding possibilities while we're there."
"I don't know how we're gonna afford it, but this should be interesting! ... Oh, my God! This is a palace! This place is huge! ... How enchanting. Let me use a restroom.... Sean, a servant provided me, uh, like everything! Fancy gold faucets. Hand painted tile. Fresh flowers. The toilet paper looked like it was lined with gold. I thought the servant would wipe me!"
Sean laughs, "No. That's my job!"
"OK, I walked into that one.... Help me Hercules! I'll need to learn Greek to read this menu. They don't even list prices. Let's go for pizza instead." As Sean hangs his head, "I'm kidding, Sean! I love it."
After enjoying gourmet cuisine that looked like artistic masterpeices, "Let's walk around a little, Rachel."
... "What a place! Look at these antiques! ... Let's go shopping."
"A man's best dream."
"Just let me look in this boutique.... Oh my, Singrid Olsen apparel!"
... "OK, here it is. Let's go in here."
"Sean, you're up to something! ... Oh, what a gorgeous banquet room. You mean to say this is available!"
With a huge smile, "They just had a cancellation--the Saturday before Labor Day--the early time slot."
"How early? Not that it matters!!!"
"We need to be out by 9:00 pm. It's a little bigger than we need. Better than to small."
"Fine tapestry. Sparkling chandeliers. This is perfect!"
"We can even have the wedding here. They roll a red Persian carpet across the dance floor and set up these mahogany chairs on it."
"Look at the intricate embroidery on these chairs!"
"The band could play for the wedding too. They'd already be set up."
"Yeah!"
"The atrium we just were in could be used for shooting the bridal party. Photo shoot, that is."
"Oh my, yes! Look at the panoramic view from these windows. Look at all the windows. Everyone will have a gorgeous view. I'm glad we have the early slot. Let's book it!"
"I already did. I didn't want to chance losing it. All we need to do now is sign the paperwork. You're crying!"
"Happy tears! Ecstatic tears! I love you Seany-poo." as she hugs him tightly.
"Ouch! Don't break my back."
"I'm so sorry. What got into me!"
"Do you want the wedding here too?"
"Sure!"
"Then the wedding would be 3:30 or so."
"Let's do it!" |
Title: #6 My next sissy adventure
Tags: Diary
Introduction:
Terri likes to wear girls clothes especially panties.learns to love oral and anal sex. 6th installation,read along on her wild adventure.
Content:
#6 MY NEXT SISSY ADVENTURE by: khammer1
khammer1
When I last wrote of my sexipades.....I had spent a drunken night in a tent,kinda in and out of consciousness.Quite obviously,there were other things in and out of me....
After eating our breakfast,and I had dolled myself up in a denim
skirt,pink blouse and white cotten panties(with little pink flowers of course).My friend, threw a few things into his athletic bag,we headed back down the hill." Where are we headed"? I inquired. "I have some people I wanted you to meet....besides,you're dressed just fine for where we're goin'".
We passed the mobile home behind the chainlink fence,I had noticed when we drove in.Then we came apon a little road with a gate, same side as the mobile. Gary turned in and stopped at the gate. Pushing the intercom button,a female voice squaucked."Yeah". "It's me". Gary replied.The gate raised and we drove through.
It was a short drive and we came apon 4 or 5 trailers in somewhat of a circle, I could see a few more trailers skattered around as well.I asked. "What's this"? Feeling a little nervous about my attire. "It's ok,I told you". He retorted sharpily."My friend owns this place...." Then he smiled a devilish smile."It's sorta a summer camp for sissys" He followed it up with.
Shocked and very awestruck,I saw lots of people running around,many involved in activities like swimming, volleyball and sun bathing. I realized that,I wasn't the only"Pretty boy" here today.
We pulled up and parked,slowly got out of the truck.My shyness overwelmed me,when I suddenly felt a little like "The new girl at the princess party".There were some really pretty girls here. Did I look good enough or like an amateur in drag?I was careful,the way I got out of the truck,not wanting to show too much.
Just then an asian woman aproached us and Gary said "Hi Linda". "Terri,This is Ling,but all the girls call her Linda". "Hi,nice to meet you". I said shyly while shaking her hand. She was absolutely beautiful and I wondered right away....Was she a girl,like the rest of us. "This one is a cutie,Gary.Where did you find her?" Linda asked."She came up on the bus". Gary
replied."Where's Nathan". Linda just motioned her head towards the largest trailer.
Gary reached down and took my hand. He proudly led me up on the deck and into the trailer. The cool air hit me right away, "Don't let all the cool air out!" came from the back. Then a man walked into the room,There was an aire about him.
"Hey Gary....Who's this sweetie"?he asked with a smile. "Nathan,this is Terri....Terri,this is Nathan".Gary stated with a hand gesture.
Although he was bald,Nathan was a handsome man probably in his late 40's. He wore typical 70's attire,angel flights. ,satin shirt and gold chain"Well,hello there". He said ,taking my hand and kissing it. His naughty little smile made me blush. Gary turned and left. Funny thing....When I look back,I was being groomed for bigger and better things. I had no idea....what was instore for me. I was about to dive,head first,into the the deep end of the pool. Problem was.....I could hardily swim. Everyone had been so nice and accomidating,I thought I was the one, taking advantage. In reality,my own desires would usher me into sexual enslavement. Ironically enough,I still get aroused just recalling it.
This intire experience (last few weeks)was a jump into a land of exploration and hedonism, with no reins let alone
supervision or even willingness to say no. I felt absolutely free to be me. So who knew......
As I looked around,I noticed,many of the portraits and pictures on the wall were very attractive girls in all sorts of provocative poses,and most in there underwear. This instantly made my little pecker hard.and I think I tried to conceal my little indiscretion.....alas Nathan noticed,and he slyly approached from behind.
Almost cuddling me,he said in a low voice."You like my work, I'm quite proud of it". He put his strong arms around me,and placing his hands on my crouch. Gently,he palmed the small bulge under my skirt,grinding his large bulge between my butt cheeks. Slipping his right hand up my blouse,he started teasing my nipple through the sheer material of my bra."Do you smoke pot"?He said kissing my cheek softly. "Ah.....yeah,sure". Not wanting to sound inexperienced or uncool. Turning, he walked over to a small fridge across the room. Opening the door,he pulled a couple of bottles out. He handed me a wine cooler and opened a perrier. Reaching into a wooden box and extracted 2 joint's,he sparked one up. Taking a toke,he passed it to me and I puffed on it awkwardly,almost coughing. He looked at me and said."You'll do just fine"...
"Do for what"? I naively asked, swallowing a gulp. "I 'm looking for a new model,think you'd be interested"? I quickly responded. "Would I"!!!!
I was on top of the world, feeling like all my dreams were coming true.....and alot of my fantasies as well. " Ok...you have to audition first". He said with a chuckle. "What do I do,I'll do anything".just leaped out of my mouth. He smiled and reached for a camera. Hanging it around his neck,he approached me and proceeded to adjust my skirt. " Here,like this".
He said pulling it up higher,so it appeared shorter.
"Turn away and look over your shoulder,sweetie". He coyly directed me. As we started taking pictures,he continued to direct me to show my panties and flash my bra,holding my now budding little titties. It seemed the more I drank and smoked, the easier,more sexy and more fun,it became.
By the time we were finishing,I was pretty high and quite tipsy. Needless to say my flirtatious inner me was showing,as well as my panties. Nathan had me,not just hot and bothered,but he knew he had me, as well. All this kissing,grinding and picture snapping had brought me to the edge,and Nathan knew it. "Why don't we walk over to my place, it's not far,just across the property". He said. " What about Gary"? I asked. He quickly responded with." Oh...he had some errands he needed to run for me". He began turning off lights as we headed out the door,grabbing a flashlight.
It had gotten dark and there was a cool breeze in the air. I was more than a little drunk and Nathan helped me down the path. We kissed and fondled each other as we strolled to his mobile home. We stopped briefly,as we passed a trailer and quietly peeked in. There was one of the girls,I had seen earlier, bent over in an arm chair. There was a man mounting her,cock in hand,penitrating her round ass. She moaned and smiled in satisfaction. We watched for a time when Nathan whispered "I think,you want me to butt fuck you,just like that". I just nodded my head,not taking my eyes off the raw sex, happening before my eyes.
We continued on our way and arrived quick!y. Walking in you couldn't help but notice a lot of video equipment,I had just assumed because his work. We sat on the couch and started making out. As we kissed,I coyly started rubbing his crouch through his slacks. I could feel his boner and unzipped his pants. Opening them,I slid my hand in and traced the outline of his cock in his bikini underwear. I let out a slight gasp of air,releasing my anticipation of pleasure to come. Nathan put his hand on the back of my neck and pushed me down quite forcibly. " Suck it baby"! He said harshly. I realized...in that moment,he was gonna fuck the hell out of me. Holding my head by my hair,he began fucking my mouth. "When you work for me, you do as you're told! Is that clear,you little sissy bitch....". Pulling my head back,by my hair,so I could look him in the eyes and answer. " Yes". " Yes...what"? "Yes Master". I submissively answered. " You'll suck when I tell you to suck,and fuck who I tell you to fuck". He said slapping my face. Then he slapped my face with his half hard cock. I have to say,as humiliating as it was,I liked it. Then,he bent me over the couch and slapped my ass...hard. Pulling my skirt up,he bit my butt,through my panties. Then yanking them to one side,he started licking my hole,darting his tongue deep into my bung. Spitting on his boner,he pushed it in and proceeded to hump me. Pretty soon those yelps of pain,turned into moans of pleasure and ecstacy. "You really like this, don't you,sissy s!ut". He growled. The rhythm of his hips while he butt fucked me,drove me crazy with desire. Although my ass was really sore,I was swimming in uforia. He pulled out of my ass and rolled me over,slamming his rock hard cock in my ass again. Holding my legs over my head,he continued humping my brains out. "I'm going to cum"! I cried. "No you're not" he gasped. "Wait for me,bitch". With that,he errupted in my ass,as I exploded in those panties that made me feel demure and innocent.
I lay there,in an exhausted heap. He got up and went in the bathroom, emerging a few minutes later,just in his underwear.
"Get your as up and c!ran up...NOW". He barked. I stood up with my clothes all dishoveled. "There's something to put on in the bathroom....GO". He said,slapping my ass.
Fearing the length of my story, I'm stopping this episode into my sexy and sorted past,promising to be back soon with
#7 My next sissy adventure. |
Title: 6 Stages of Guilt
Tags: Fiction, Blowjob, First Time, Incest, Masturbation, Older Male / Female, Oral Sex, Reluctance, Young
Introduction:
Introduction: I wrote this story a while ago for a friend, and she liked it so much, she posted it. I have decided to write some more, so I am re-posting this story under my name, with a couple adjustments and the appropriate tags. I am interested in useful comments and seeing how it's rated, so please feel free. THIS STORY IS A WORK OF FICTION, INTENDED FOR ADULTS ONLY. IT DEPICTS SEX BETWEEN AYOUNG GIRL AND HER FATHER. IF THAT OFFENDS YOUR SENSIBILITIES, I'M SORRY, THAT CERTAINLY ISN'T MY INTENT. THE AUTHOR DOES NOT CONDONE OR ENDORSE ANY OF THE ACTIVITIES DETAILED IN THIS STORY, SOME OF WHICH MAY BE ILLEGAL IN CERTAIN JURISDICTIONS. INDEED, THE AUTHOR UTTERLY CONDEMNS ANY FORM OF ACTUAL ABUSE - PHYSICAL, SEXUAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL AND/OR EMOTIONAL - TO ANY PERSON OF ANY AGE. NAMES, CHARACTERS, PLACES AND INCIDENTS ARE FROM THE AUTHOR'S WARPED IMAGINATION. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ACTUAL EVENTS, OR LOCALES OR PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD, IS ENTIRELY COINCIDENTAL.
Content:
There are some things that dads were just not supposed to have to deal with. I mean, the usual growing up, especially for boys, shouldn't be a big deal. Dad's should be horsewhipped if they don't do their share in the raising and giving their kids attention, but there are somethings that if a guy attempts to do with a daughter, it's just going to get him into trouble.
It's not that I didn't know stuff. I'm pretty knowledgeable about parenting and things that kids have to learn as they grow up. But knowing everything is one thing. Explaining it to a child...especially your own child, is not all that easy. Throw in that, being a child, she has no idea what your talking about, it's like first contact with an extraterrestrial. Anyway, it's been Jessie and me for the last couple years. When she was ten, her mom left. Didn't say anything, just packed a bag and left. I watched after her thinking, "Where is she going?". That was the last I saw of her. I didn't mind to much. She was not very nice and a little crazy, too. Since then I have been taking care of Jess. It helped a couple months later when I hit the powerball and became an I-got-a-lot-of-fucking-money-aire. I won't go into how much money we have, but our house has more rooms then the local hospital. When Jess gets pissed off at me she just goes for a walk around the house and it takes me 2 days to find her. I kept working, for something to do, but not too hard. I spent as much time as I could with Jessie. I helped her with her homework and went to her school activities with her. We did almost everything together. So what happened?
One word. Tits.
Dad's are naturally a little sensitive on the subject of their daughter's puberty. They go through phases just like someone going through grief. First there is the cold sweats. This, for a rational, intelligent guy like me, is when that birthday party comes where you realize that she's of the right age for it to start. Denial comes soon after, as a kind of relief to the cold sweats. You realize that she still isn't showing any signs, so you still have time to put it off. Then there is shock. This happens when you notice that those little nipple buds start getting bigger and rounder, until they start pushing her t-shirt away from the rest of her body. Lastly, there is the run-and-hide phase, where your daughter keeps asking you to take her shopping for a bra and other feminine necessities. You mumble something, turn into a door frame, bounce off, adjust, and skitter away to some dark corner of the house. There are other phases like the wet-bra-drying -in-the-bathroom phase, the no-bra-wearing stage, and others along the way I won't get into, cuz I have yet to get to that point. I was still in denial until that fateful day that Jessie jumped into my lap and used me as a recliner while we watched an old horror movie.
I know your not supposed to let kids watch scary movies, but Jess thought they were just hilarious. At some point during the movie, Jessie pulled my arms around her and then rested across her chest. I noticed that her chest seemed a lot more squishy then usual, until Jess piped up with, "Dad, your squishing my boobs". I realized as my shock was kicking in, that my arms had tightened more and more around her. Might have been some kind of Freudian thing, but it took Jessie's voice to snap me out of my trance, and I immediately moved my arms down around her waist. It was hitting me hard when I let my attention of the movie drift to look over
Jessie's shoulder and see those cute little nipple buds at full attention. I couldn't tear my eyes away, looking down the collar of her t-shirt to see some serious swelling going on down there. Things ran through my head, making me wonder why I hadn't noticed this situation before.
I had grown up during the 70's, and my parents were still living the 60's. The attitude of teaching children to love their bodies was still going strong, and being nude in front of your child was not punishable by 1-3 in state lock-up. No, they weren't sitting around in the buff, but walking naked to the shower
happened often enough, and there was always the occasional shower in the rain. I always felt this was a healthy attitude, and now that the wife wasn't arguing about it anymore, I pretty much had the same attitude with Jessie. I thought back to the last few times I saw her nude form and had pictures in my head of her cute little butt running away from me, her hairless and pouty "cookie" between her legs, and pretty flat chest. As I went through my mental files, however, all the images I had of her chest, her boobs were smaller then mine. I couldn't produce a single recent memory of her now apparent headlights. I thought I had a handle on the whole female reproductive process, until I had to determine whether Jessie needed slims or semi-wide, or if the ones with wings came with landing gear or you had to buy that separately.
There also were no classes in college on buying bra's for pubescent girls, cuz I would have taken it if there was. Jessie's monthly's started promptly a month before her twelfth birthday and she was a sport about it. Of course, she came to me as nervous as any young girl telling her single father that she needed to go to the store and buy pads, but my own ineptitude at portraying the calm and supportive father while having a total meltdown inside my head, was so comical that Jessie started laughing so hard that she didn't recover until we were half way to the store. Luckily, Jessie knew exactly what it was that she needed, other then my wallet, and the time at the store wasn't particularly painful.
I had no issues with buying Jessie panties. I had been doing that for years already. Buying a bra had a lot more components to it then panties. First, there was telling her that it was time to get one, then being fitted for one, then picking out something appropriate for a 12 year old. I decided that what I needed to do was prepare for the event, knowing what I was going to say and do before it all happened. I worked out the speech I was going to give her, picked out a store that could do the fitting and still had a nice selection for young girls, and would not cause me undo embarrassment while I waited. On the fateful night that I picked to present the subject of wearing a bra with Jessie, she sat quietly through my whole speech and provided me with the only response that I wasn't prepared for.
"No".
I sat confused for a bit before I finally asked, "What do you mean no?" "I don't need to wear a bra. I don't want to wear one, I don't like them, I'm not not going to. If you want to buy a bra so bad, YOU wear it". I wasn't quite sure where to go with this. First off, I had done all this planning and put all this work into doing this the right way and it was all going to waste. On the other hand, it meant that I didn't have to deal with it. I decided to take the high road and let her have her way. The thing that I hadn't counted on is how hot those nipples looked. My final word on the matter was, "Well you better do something about those then, before you take an eye out". From that time on, Jessie started wearing two t-shirts, whenever she left the house. At home, she still pranced around in very little, and those nipples were always sticking out, begging to be fondled, and I was continually turning the other way to adjust my hard cock in my pants.
So it came to pass on a night that Jessie was once again in my lap. I was sitting in the recliner in just my boxers. Jess came into the room to watch TV with me in just one of my old shirts and panties. She didn't hesitate to climb over the arm of the recliner and settle on my lap. With an inappropriate amount of wiggling, she managed to settle with my cock neatly wedged between her asscheeks. With her bare legs laying over mine, almost the same length now, her smooth skin against mine was pleasantly arousing. It wasn't long before my cock was rock hard along the crease of her cute little ass.
The movie was a typical hero action fantasy thing. It gave me the opportunity to wrap my arms around Jessie and pull her tighter onto my lap. Every time that Jessie fidgeted, it felt like the cheeks of her ass was stroking my cock. She leaned her head back into me and I nuzzled her, softly rubbing my course beard across her bare neck. I looked down and the top of my shirt had opened up and I had a clear view of Jessie's beautiful new breasts, topped with those cherry nipples, that were as usual, standing straight out.
"That tickles, daddy", Jessie said squirming and giggling.
"Does it?", I asked in a quiet deep voice, breathing warm air down on her shoulder.
"Yeah, but it feels nice".
"Ok".
So now that I knew that her attention was on her neck, my hands slid under her shirt and caressed her belly. Not an overtly sexual act, but the intimacy of my hands across her soft skin made my balls boil. I could tell she was enjoying the attention, yet I assumed she was completely oblivious to my perverted desires. I let my hands relax and they slowly dropped down her stomach to her waist. I could feel the waistband of her little bikini panties against the edge of my hand. It made me squirm in my seat, grinding my hard cock into her ass. My hands broke apart and settled over each of her legs. She did a stretch over me and let her legs fall to the outside of mine. My fingertips had a mind of their own, as they naturally came to rest on her inner thighs, softly stroking them. We were at the part of the movie where the hero and the saucy "woman-in-charge", while they couldn't stand each other, realized that they wanted each other. Jessie was breathing steady and letting out a little purring noise, as she reached up over her head and put her arms around my neck behind her. The scent
of her hair made me forget about the movie. I was letting my hands move higher and higher, ever so slowly, as I stroked her thighs. I was so intent on my finger play on her thighs that it took me by surprise when I felt the gusset of her panties. I froze when Jessie closed her eye's softly and let out a barely audible moan.
"Are you ok, baby?"
"Mmmm Hmmm", was all that came from her. We both had gone from a state of total relaxation, well at least most of my body, to a much more rigid state. I edged my hands away from between her legs, when her arms came up and wrapped around mine, forcing my hands back together and pushing them back between her legs.
I now had a firm grasp on my daughter's pussy, and not only did she know it, she was making it happen. What was I supposed to do now? I'm sitting here contemplating the most perverted things a father can imagine, scheming of ways to get away with it without her knowing. At the same time, I am struggling with the morality of destroying my daughter's innocence. Mean while, my daughter is humping herself on my hand. Do I stop her? Do I use it to my advantage? I know that even if it's what she wants, it doesn't relieve me of my guilt. I'm the adult, the parent. Fuck it.
"Baby?"
"Yes, daddy?"
"Whatcha doin?"
"I like your hands there, it feels good", she almost whispered, but trying to maintain the illusion that she was watching the movie. With her legs clamped down on my hands, I noticed that the crotch of her panties was very warm, and getting damper by the second. Her legs squeezed in pulses around my wrists. "But your breaking my elbows, baby".
"Sorry, daddy, but don't move your hands, ok?"
"Baby, you know I shouldn't be touching you there, right?", I asked quietly. It was like I was asking permission from my daughter to molest her. I was such a pig, but damn.
"I know, daddy, but I really like how it feels. You like it to, I can tell. That's not a spring poking me in the butt". Busted. Now what, my daughter knows I'm a perv.
"I'm sorry, baby. Maybe you should move."
"No, daddy, please? I like feeling you against me. And I like when you touch me there, too. I know we aren't supposed to, but I won't tell anyone. I promise!!"
Ok, now I'm supposed to argue against something that I really, really, really want to do. Somehow I don't think I'm going to win this one.
"Alright, but ease up on the elbows, baby, your turning them inside out. Just lay back and relax".
"Ok, daddy", Jess giggled, "but I don't know how relaxed I can be". Jess eased back again and relaxed her arms, but she kept her hands over mine, like she was worried I might pull them away again. This time there wasn't any pretense, I was stroking my daughter's pussy through her panties. My middle finger was tracing the crease in the middle lightly, back and forth, over and over again. Jess raised her knees up and put her barefeet on the seat of the recliner, opening her up even more. With each stroke of my finger, the crease went deeper and deeper between her round pussylips. Jessie was pushing back more and more insistently, each time her ass cheeks would clamp around my cock.
"You like that, baby?", I whispered into her ear, kissing it lightly.
"Oh, yes, daddy, please don't stop!", she responded in a strained voice.
"I won't, baby, I promise", I assured her quietly. I could feel the hard nub at the top of her cleft. I started to focus on it, making little circles around it, then back and forth over the top of it. Jessie was arching hard now, making little Uh-uh noises in rhythm with my fingers. I kissed up and down Jessie's neck and ears while I did my best to hold her against my cock. I let my free hand drift up her belly to those cute little mounds that had started all this. I let my hand slide over each of them, back and forth, feeling her hard nipples drag across my palm. Jessie pulled the crotch of her soaked panties to the side and jammed my fingers into her open pussy lips, but rather then penetrating her, I let my finger drag back and forth across her opening and clit.
Jessie's sounds became a mixed chant of "yes, daddy" and "faster, daddy" with an occasional "harder, daddy" thrown in. It didn't take long before her body went from pumping my hand to a couple seizure like jerks followed by her whole body clamped tight around my arm. I let my arm relax and provided just a little pressure against her pussy mound with my hand while she went through the thralls of her orgasm. I knew that she would be a little sensitive for a bit, so I just held her like that while her body slowly relaxed over me. After about 5 minutes, Jessie turned onto her side over me and curled up. In another 5 minutes I could hear her steady breathing against my chest, telling me that she had fell asleep.
The end of the movie was pretty typical. Everyone died including the woman co-star, except for the hero. Some hero. When the credits started to roll, I gently lifted Jessie up and carried her to her bed. As I laid her on the bed, I could see that her panties were still wet and clinging to her, and decided that it was a good idea to remove them. It was no small feat to remove them while she slept, but I eventually got them off her without waking. I covered her up with all her blankets, taking one last longing look at her bare asscheeks before laying them over her. I was about to throw her panties into the wash when my perverted nature got the better of me. Jessie had a mind-numbing orgasm, and I got to play with her pussy, but I was still horny beyond belief. I walked to my bedroom and closed the door. I pulled my boxers off over my cock, which wasn't as easy as it sounds.
I laid down on top of my bed and brought Jessie's panties to my face. They were still warm from her body heat, and the crotch was soaked. I breathed in her scent and then brought them to my mouth and tasted them. My other hand wrapped around my cock and slowly moved up and down. I knew I was only a couple minutes away from cumming as I flashed between the feeling of Jessie's ass on my cock and thoughts of running my tongue in and out of her little pussy. I took her panties from my mouth and wrapped them
around my cock and balls and started stroking faster. At the thought of the tip of my tongue sinking between Jessie's pussylips, I shot a long stream of cum past my belly up to my chest. Followed by 4 more lines of cum covering me from nipple to navel. I just laid there for a while as I regained my strength. I kept thinking how warm Jessie's sleeping body had been against mine. I wondered what she would think about her pervert father in the morning. Even as I was thinking about the consequences of my actions, I was contemplating
how I would get another opportunity to feel my daughter again.
I was still asleep. Kind of. It was that feeling you get before you wake up that you can think and tell yourself that it's time to get up, but your not really awake yet. There was a feeling, a really nice feeling, in the region of my balls, like they had a nice warm blanket covering them. As the blanket moved a bit, I knew that wasn't right. As I struggled to bring myself to full consciousness, I remembered a couple things from last night. First, I had fell asleep just as I was, laying naked on my back on top of the covers. Normally that wouldn't have bothered me too much, but the dried feeling over my belly reminded me that I had fell asleep before cleaning up. My next concern was that I was not alone. I forced my eyes open to see my daughter with her hand cupping my balls. Her hand was making soft massaging motions over my ball sack. Her eyes were glued to the pair of panties that were still wrapped around it and my raging hard cock. As it became more apparent that I was awake, Jessie turned and looked up at me with a smile.
"Good morning, daddy. Your thing is really big and hard. No wonder it was sticking into my butt last night. But why are my panties all wrapped around it?", she asked with a quizzical look on her face. I was trying my best to shake off the fog in my head now. I couldn't come up with any good excuse for this, so I decided to go right for the truth. It was all I had. "When I was touching you last night I got excited, baby. After I put you in bed last night I touched myself like I was touching you. Your panties felt so good when you were sitting on my lap, I wanted to feel them against me more", I explained, hoping that it would suffice.
"How?", she asked, not letting go of my balls.
"Huh?"
"How did you touch yourself?"
"Kind of like how you are right now", I replied.
"And it feels like it did when you were touching me?"
"I don't know, I can only tell you how it feels to me, baby".
"Show me", she insisted. Still looking at me like I was a teacher and she was a student anxious to learn. I moved my hand to where I had it last night but Jessie stopped me. "No, daddy.
Show ME how to do it. I want you to feel as good as you made me feel last night".
Cautiously, I took her free hand in mine and wrapped it around the area that was still covered by panties. I moved her hand up and down along my shaft as I had done the night before. I showed her how to turn her wrist as she stroked my cock, and where it was most sensitive. I don't know what was getting me more turned on, the feeling of my daughter's hands around my shaft or the look on her face like this was a science experiment that she wanted to do well on. I wanted to warn her what was going to happen but all I could get out was "Oh, yes baby, stroke daddy's cock faster". When I came, it didn't shoot quite as far as the night before, but it was still enough to impress Jess. She kept stroking, albeit slower, while I unloaded more
and more cum onto my belly once again. I removed her hand and her panties and pulled Jess up to me and kissed her. I looked at her and said, "I think I need a shower. What would you
like for breakfast?"
"I think I want a shower to. Can I come in with you?", she asked smiling. It was hard to look at that face and say no to anything, and I couldn't think of anything that would convince me to say no. I opened the door to my bathroom for her and let her lead the way in.
I set the water temperature and led Jessie into the full glass enclosure of my deluxe shower. Jessie walked right in and soaked up the hot water coming from 3 different directions. It was like standing under a waterfall. I stopped a second and took in her beautiful adolescent form as water cascaded over it. The shower was 25 square feet inside, with a bench-like seat built into the side. I moved into the water with Jessie and our bodies bumped into each other as we turned and soaked ourselves. I grabbed the bodywash and started rubbing it over her body, lathering her from head to toe. I ran my hands over her tits and watched her nipples rise and poke straight at me.
My hands slid all over her smooth young body and pulled it up against mine. The feeling was so great that my cock began to stiffen again and poke out in Jessie's direction. Jessie didn't hesitate to grab it and start using the lather from her body to soap it up thoroughly. My hands engulfed her asscheeks and I let my fingers slide between them, pushing lather in along the crack of her ass. I pulled her out of the water for a minute and poured some shampoo on her head and started washing her long hair in an attempt to slow everything down for a bit. I loved the look of her body covered in white, with a few spots of flesh showing through. Jessie grabbed the shampoo and started returning the favor but couldn't reach my head as easily, so I sat down on the bench in front of her while she massaged my bristled scalp. She stood between my knees, allowing me to run my hands up and down her body, in particular her legs. Like a lot of young girls, Jessie was three quarters legs and it was fun to run my hands up and down them especially on the inside. After a couple minutes under the water, the soap was washed away and we were bare skin again.
I pulled Jessie to me and let her place a foot alongside me on the bench. I kissed my way down her belly to her bare pussy and noticed a slight bit of stubble over her mound, and I wondered how long she had been shaving it off. My kisses started covering her pussylips and I could feel her hands on my head again. The way she was posed, her pussy lips were naturally parted and my tongue was drawn to it like a magnet. By Jessie's reaction, I was right in assuming this was something that she had never felt before. There was no doubt at this point that she had been playing with her pussy, I just wasn't sure if anyone else had. I knew that she couldn't quite reach it with her own tongue, so this was going to be better then anything she had felt so far.
I slipped my tongue out from between her cuntlips and up to her clit. I ran my tongue around and around her little nub till her body started to shake and then moved back down and covered her whole pussy with my mouth. I moved my tongue in slowly and steadily, until my tongue was as deep inside her as it would go. I explored the walls of her tunnel with the tip of my tongue and lapped up every bit of the lubricant pouring out of her. I flattened my tongue and stretched her open and started fucking it in and out of her. She had moved her hands behind my head now and started fucking her hips into my face. To give her a little added excitement, I placed a finger over her little asshole and started pressing against it.
When I heard her familiar chant of "Oh, daddy, Yes, daddy", I moved my mouth to her clit again and started butterflying it with my tongue. I moved my thumb into her pussy and started fucking it in and out of her and within seconds, Jessie's knees were shaking under her own weight. I used my free arm to support her as she had a screaming orgasm against my mouth. She bent forward as she came and I was supporting her mostly with my head. I eased her onto my lap and pointed one of the shower heads at us to revive her and rinse us off one more time.
We had pancakes for breakfast with plenty of syrup. I made up a pound of bacon for the two of us, because I figured that we would need our energy, at least I did. As Jessie was stuffing pancakes into her mouth, she started feeling the need to start talking about what happened in the shower. "Daddy, what is it like to lick down there?", she asked stabbing some more squares of pancake. "Baby, at this point, I think it's ok for you to use words for your body parts, and as long as it's clean, licking pussy tastes great, especially yours", I tried to explain.
"Do you like having your cock licked?" she asked, looking to see how I was going to react. I had to smile a little at her following my lead. "I haven't actually heard of any guy not liking his cock sucked, baby, girls don't always like to do it though", I responded, trying to be as educational as possible. Somehow it justified all
the liberties I was taking with Jess.
"Yeah, but would you like it if I sucked YOUR cock?", she asked looking right at me, blushing a little. I saw the question coming all the way down the street, and my nervousness built as it got closer and closer. How far was I going to take this? How much was I going to risk?
"It would be nice, baby, I know. But I don't know if it's a good idea. You know we aren't supposed to be doing stuff like this together and I could get in lots of trouble. People aren't supposed to have sex with their daughters".
"I know daddy, we already talked about that. I still want to, and I promise not to tell anyone. It can be our secret".
"I don't know, baby...", I said, weakening.
Jessie got up from her chair and walked over to my side and gave me the biggest boo-boo lip possible and whispered into my ear. "Please, daddy. I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel".
With a loud sigh, I gave the classic parental response. "We'll see, baby. Let me think about it".
A few days went by and I could tell that Jessie wasn't forgetting much. Either was I. She occasionally snuck into the shower with me and we would soap each others privates up real nice. She had started sleeping naked in bed with me at night and it was honestly more then a man could stand.
Every time I rolled over I was facing her with the scent of hair in my face and my cock between her smooth asscheeks. It all came to a head, so to speak, late on a hot night. I was sitting in the recliner in just my boxers again, watching a movie when Jessie walked in completely naked and took up her usual place on my lap. The movie was a little racier then the last one we watched together, but I didn't mind as much. Clearly she had matured to a point where she could handle a little sexual content. She let her legs fall apart right away and all but pushed my hands down between her legs. There was a particularly torrid sex scene going on and I stroked the line between Jessie's pussy lips. Jessie started wriggling around on my lap and it didn't
take long for my cock to work it's way through the pee-hole in the boxers. Jessie felt it's hardness right away and climbed down off my lap and knelt in front of me. She got between my legs and wrapped her hand around my cock. She moved it up and down and turned her wrist like she had been doing it for years. She leaned forward and ran her tongue from the base to the tip and started over again. She continued this till she had made my cock slick all the way around. She leaned over a little more and her mouth engulfed the head of my cock, and her hand kept working. My hands clenched the arms of the chair as she bobbed her head up and down a little over the head of my cock and her hand worked the rest of it. The little moans and sucking
sounds she was making was more then I could take. "Oh, baby, daddy is going to cum...", I choked out.
This only made her hand move faster and it was all I could do from fucking her face and pushing my cock into the back of my daughter's young throat. I blew like a howitzer. I swear that I could even feel the recoil. All the pent up urges from the last week were released. The first two spurts had pretty much filled Jessie's mouth. The next two were running down Jessie's chin and dripping on those beautiful tits. Jessie just looked up at me smiling. Seeing the cum run down her body was all it took for me to reload. I picked Jessie up off the floor like she was still a little girl and she wrapped her legs around my waist. I pressed my lips to her cum-covered mouth and slid my tongue in as she wrapped her arms around my neck.
We kissed like that all the way to OUR bedroom, and when we got there, all I had to do was lean forward and let her lay back on the bed. Her legs hung over the edge, and I knelt down and planted my mouth directly over her clit and started playing with it with my tongue. I worked a finger inside her already slippery pussy. I wanted to get her as lubricated as possible for what I had planned. As my finger went deeper, I noticed that there was nothing left of a hymen to mention, probably from all the practicing she had been doing. This pretty much decided my next move for me. I slipped my tongue deep into her pussy a couple times and then spread Jessie's legs nice and wide.
I layed my cock over the top of her pussy lips and let it slide back and forth, covering it in Jessie's pussy juices. Jessie was bucking her hips up against it, trying to get more friction between my cock and her clit. Then I slid back a little more and pushed the head of my cock into my daughter's tunnel. It was tight, but slippery, and I eased my way into her, a little bit at a time. I slid a couple inches in before having to stop. I backed up and pressed in again, looking right into Jessie's eyes and watched them close as she whispered, "Yes, daddy". Half the length of my cock had made it inside my daughter, but I wanted it all the way in. I wanted to make her feel better then she ever had before. I slid back again and pushed until I could feel my balls up against Jessie's ass. I stayed there for a minute, pressing harder against her, giving her some time to get accustomed to me being inside her. I started moving painstakingly slow, just little movements at first.
It was easy to say that I wanted Jessie to have a mind blowing orgasm, but the feeling of her pussy around my cock was almost more then I could stand. With my cock still embedded inside her, I raised Jessie's legs till her feet were at my face. I kissed the soles of her feet from heel to toe, then up to her ankles. The whole time I rocked back and forth, moving my cock inside her, making more room to move around. I reached around her leg and placed a thumb directly over her clit and massaged it in circles, steadily moving my cock all the way back, and all the way back in. My free hand moved up to her tits and began working her nipples back and forth. Jessie was biting her lower lip and I started pushing into her with more and more force. I started becoming more vocal with Jess with each stroke, and she willingly followed suit.
"Oh, God, Jessie, you feel so good. Do you like feeling daddy's cock inside you?"
"Please, daddy, fuck my pussy! Fill me up with your cum. You feel so good inside me! Fuck me hard!!"
"Mmmmm, yes baby, daddy's going to fuck you so good. I want you to cum nice and hard on daddy's cock".
"Yes, daddy, yes, oh yes, fuck me daddy. Your making me cum, daddy. I want you to cum to. Cum inside me daddy".
I felt the walls of Jessie's pussy clench down hard on my shaft and it was all I could take. As she arched herself up into me as she came, I shot my first load of cum deep inside her. I pulled back and slammed my cock into her again, shooting another load of cum into her. After doing this a third time I collapsed over her, grabbed hold of her body and rolled her over me.
She had to hit me on the head to get me to release my grip on her so that she could breath again. My arms fell to the bed and I just laid there with her head on my chest and my cock slowly sliding out of her. I realized that from now on, our relationship was going to be different. We would still be father and daughter, but with a nicely added bonus of being free and open with each other like we never had been before. |
Title: 6 The Van conclusion
Tags: Fantasm, Male / Females, Mind Control, Prostitution, Violence
Introduction:
I finally got an ending to one of these!
Content:
He drove Megan to her driveway and put the van in park. Before she open the door, her mother came out with a furious expression on her face.
“What have I told you about bringing that thing here?!” she screamed. “Get out, or I'm calling the cops! GET OUT!”
Morgan opened the door and jumped to the ground, and her mother's face fell, and the anger evaporating into disbelief and anguish.
“Oh, no, Morgan, what have you done?” she whispered, holding her hands out to her daughter. Once she had the girl safely in her arms, holding her tight and safe, she looked up at Brian in the van and got confused.
That wasn't Brad at all, and the waves of angry fear she usually felt emanating from the van were gone. The sexual tugging was stronger than ever, however, and she felt the first touch of moisture between her legs in years that didn't inspire fury inside her for her own weakness.
Her own vulnerability was still there, the same slippery slope it ever had been, with the same coiling nest of pleasure writhing in passion at the bottom. But instead of fearing that path, knowing how quickly she would fall, she felt a sudden yearning to explore the un-taken road. She felt a desire to follow it all the way to the end, with no looking back, and her lack of fear made her cautious.
“Who are you?” she asked, seeing Brain get out and stand by the hood. 'Please don't hurt us, sir.”
“My name is Brian.” he told her. “I have no intention of harming either one of you, I promise.”
“Yeah, it's not harming them if they come, right?” asked the woman suspiciously. “Even if they used to be a virgin, and had some silly notion of saving themselves for marriage?”
“Exactly.” he smiled. “Come on. Really? You think this is still 1950?”
“N-no, of course not, sir, but...” she said. Her reasons for objecting were rapidly fading from her mind.
“So there's nothing really wrong about showing these girls how to experience, toe curling, mind bending orgasms, is there?” he said. “Especially since most of those girls are never going to find someone like me who can lead them to it.”
He looked at her piercingly. “Like you.” he said. “Have you ever had an orgasm?”
“I... no sir.'” she said. “Megan was conceived at my Senior Ball, but I... I didn't climax, sir. He just took my virginity and left me on the side of the road because I wouldn't suck it first. He got so mad he just raped me and left me there. I had to walk home, and later at school, he told everyone I was frigid, and nobody believed me when I told them he forced me.”
“What is his name?” Brian asked, closing his eyes and trying to get a mental picture.
“Joshua Bailey.” she told him, and he could hear the scathing hatred in the woman's voice. The image that came into his mind was that of Rebecca's father.
“A big guy, about my size, blond haired Irishman?” Brian asked, opening his eyes and looking at her.
She nodded. “Yes sir, that's him. He ruined my life, and that of two other girls in high school. Three of us had his babies that summer, but he married some Italian bitch with Mafia connections his father picked out for him.”
“Wouldn't it be terrible if something happened to him?” Brain said aloud, as if talking to himself.
“I wouldn't cry a tear.” she said, smiling grimly. She knew what happened in this neighborhood.
“How about you, honey?” she asked, tilting Morgan's face up. “Would you be sorry if something happened to your real father?”
“I never even met him, Mom. He doesn't care about me, or you, or anyone, probably. Why should I care about him?”
“Because he's a person, Morgan.” Brain told her. “Even a complete stranger deserves compassion.”
“If he was a complete stranger, he would have it from me.” Morgan told him, letting go of her mother and looking at Brian. “But he isn't a complete stranger, is he? He raped my mother and completely ignored me my whole life, even though he's known about me and my sisters all our lives. It was no secret to anyone who the father of us three girls was.” She glanced at her mother. 'That's what ruined our lives.”
“Well, I won't be ruining it further.” he said. “Morgan, you will attend school every day it is in session, and you will pay attention and learn what you need to know. You're a very smart girl, and the more educated you are, the more valuable you will be to your future husband.”
“Now, I understand that the van has awakened sexual urges in both of you that were probably never present before, and for that I apologize, but there's nothing I can do about it now. What I can do is teach you how to provide a release and take away the urgency of your need for a time. The van didn't cause those feelings; it only enhanced what was already there.”
Brian walked around to the side of the van and opened the side door, then got into the Captain's chair, reclining and opening his legs as he swiveled to face them.
“Mrs. Miller, you know full well what getting in this van will do to you both. However, if I'm to help either one of you, it's into this van you must come. Will you enter?”
“We both will.” Megan said. 'Come on, Mother, you know it was inevitable anyway.”
“I guess maybe I did.” she replied, then took Brian's hand and stepped up. She was closely followed by Megan, and he slid the door closed.
The moment it latched shut, both women felt the change come over them. They felt their will change hands, from their own, to Brian's. Their sexual excitement went up a few notches as well.
“Mrs. Miller, you will undress Megan for me, and I want you to show body off to me as you do it.” Brian said. “Be proud of your daughter; she is a very beautiful young woman
As her mother began unbuttoning her blouse, Megan turned to look at Brian with a smile on her face.
“Thank you for this.” she said, letting the blouse be removed. She was wearing no bra, and her little b-cups pointed her nipples straight out with her excitement. “I've known I was going to do this in this van since I was ten.”
“Don't thank me; thank your mother.” Brian grinned. “If it wasn't for her, you wouldn't be in here at all.”
“What do you mean by that?” asked the woman, letting her daughter's skirt fall to the floor. Megan stepped out of it, wearing only a pair of pink cotton panties that looked a little too small for her.
“Don't take her panties off yet, Miss Miller. I want to do that myself. You may begin undressing yourself now.” he said. “And what I meant by my earlier comment was that you are doing a wonderful job of raising your daughter alone. Especially in this neighborhood. It can't have been easy.”
“It really wasn't.” she said, pulling her own brightly colored T-shirt over her head, then reaching behind to unhook her bra with both hands. “I can never reach this thing. Megan, would you help me please?”
“Sure, Mother.” she agreed, smiling.
“Stand behind her.” Brian directed the girl. “After she has it off, I want you to reach around her and caress both her breasts.”
“I still don't see how I'm the reason we're in here.” said the woman, as her daughter moved behind her. Megan slid her hands up the her mother's rib cage.
She sighed and leaned beck into her daughter's embrace as her breasts were being fondled for the first time by someone other than herself. It felt really wonderful.
“If you hadn't agreed to this, I know you have enough control over your daughter to keep her away from the houses down the street. You know full well what goes on there, and what this van can do. I was merely congratulating you on keeping true to your morals for your daughter's sake, misguided as they may be.” Brian answered.
Miss Miller still had her jeans on, so Brian unbuttoned them and took them off. Her panties were next, leaving her totally nude.
“Sit on the edge of the bed, right in the middle.” he told her, looking at the narrow strip of curly brown hair adorning her groin. “You have a beautiful pussy. Please spread your legs open wide so that I might admire it? Lean back a little as well.”
She felt a flush of embarrassment, but she did as directed, leaning back onto her elbows with her knees about a foot apart.
“Go ahead and kneel down in front of your mother, Megan.” Brian said. “Put your hands on her knees and open her legs a little more.”
“Oh, Megan, what- Oh no, we can't, we can't, she's my daughter, please Brian, oh, please?” Miss Miller begged, knowing what was coming next. She was blushing deeply with shame, feeling the sexual excitement building.
The more wrong this was, the more it turned her on, and both Megan and Brian saw her labia flower pinkly open a moment later, all of their own accord. Dots of moisture spotted the wispy hairs surrounding the lips of her pussy, and this was just from being looked at. She hadn't even really been touched yet.
“Kiss her thigh, Megan.” Brian said. “About halfway up from her knee. Then kiss the other leg in the same place.”
“Oh, please don't tell her to do that...” she begged, but she was ignored. She felt her daughter's hair brushing the inside of her thighs, then the softness of the kisses. “Please, Megan? Megan, please...”
“You're really wet. Mother.” Megan smiled. She bent her head forward of her own volition and licked the wetness from her mother's delicate flower.
Miss Miller gasped in a huge breath and bucked her hips into her daughter's mouth, opening her legs as wide as they would go. Megan took full advantage and began licking and sucking her mother's pussy with gusto.
“You're pretty wet yourself, Megan.” Brian said, looking at the dark spot on the gusset of her panties. She was on her knees between her mother's widespread thighs, so Brian pulled her hips back a little, then pulled her panties down to her knees.
Megan spread her knees apart, letting her panties work themselves down to her ankles, then she slipped one foot free. Brian's hands went back up the outside of her thighs, then onto her lower back, then around her sides and onto her breasts as he leaned over her.
She could feel the hard lump of his cock pressing against her, and she wondered where his clothes were. When she had turned her back on him to eat out her mother, he had been fully dressed.
“He must move very fast, and very quietly.” she thought to herself, enjoying the feel of his hard body against hers.
His cock was rubbing over her pussy, his flesh making exquisite contact with her clit as he saw it back and forth.
“Every girl deserves to know she's loved the first time.” he said softly. “Can you both feel how much I love you?”
Megan felt him pull his hips back even further, then his hardness was probing between her labia, and the it was inside her! She moaned into her mother's pussy as she felt herself stretch open to admit him. It was the most delicious pain she'd ever felt.
She felt completed, somehow, feeling him work more and more of it into her. She was gasping breath in and out of her nostrils, her mouth still covering her mother's whole pussy, but her lips and tongue had stopped moving while she experienced these new feelings to their fullest.
Brian felt the girl's hymen break with his second push inside, as the head sank fully within her, but she either didn't feel it or accepted it without complaint, because two strokes after that, he had half his length into her, and two more strokes after that, his balls slapped up against her belly.
He pulled almost all the way out, then gave it to her again, sliding his thick meat through her most delicate flesh. She loved the feeling of him moving inside her, and very shortly she was writhing under him.
“Come for me, Megan.” he whispered into her ear. “Come all over my big cock inside you!”
She squealed and he could feel her insides rippling on him as her kegels kicked in. He pulled out of her a moment later and eased her down onto her side, letting her lay there to recuperate as her body continued to spasm.
“Hello, Miss Miller.” he smiled, getting back up onto his knees and moving between the woman's outstretched thighs. “Or may I call you Helen?”
“Oh...” she sighed, feeling his cock laying on her belly. “Helen is fine.”
“The last time you did this, you were given a daughter of shame.” he said. “This time, I'm going to give you a child of love.”
He pulled back and pushed inside. Helen was every bit as tight as her virginal daughter had been, he noted with a smile. He held his pleasure back as he fucked her so that she could come first.
She was already wound up from her daughter's oral efforts, so when his massive organ began moving inside her, she didn't have very far to go to find the very first orgasm of her life.
He let her spasm and gasp out her climax, her hands knotting into tight fists and relaxing, and finally she looked happily up into his eyes and smiled warmly at him.
“Ohh, thank you.” she sighed. “I had no idea...”
“That was my pleasure as well.” he smiled back. “That was for the pleasure you missed out on all those years ago. This is for right now. This is so that you remember the pleasure of this moment when you look into my son's eyes.”
With that, he dragged his massive cock out of her and plowed it back in, picking her legs up and pressing her knees to the bed on either side of her head. He fucked her hard and fast like that, not stopping until he pumped her full of seed; so much seed that it dripped out the sides of her pussy each time he thrust inside her.
“Oh! Oh! OH! She cried out, coming again as she felt herself filled with hot stickyness. Prom Night had never been like this! She was warm all over instead of cold and she could feel his love, instead of cold indifference and contempt. She gave herself to him completely in that moment, and the van soaked every bit of it up.
This is what it had been built for; this was what it had been missing all along. The van started itself up, revved the engine, then shut down. Brian could feel the van's anger change into pure power, untainted by any color, just brilliantly pure white power, and pulled out. He lay down beside her on the bed while they both caught their breath.
“Can I spend the night here?” he asked. “I have to leave pretty soon, because there's responsibilities I have to take care of, but I'd like to come back here when I'm done, and spend more time with you. With both of you.”
“Oh, yes!” Helen cried, weeping tears of joy. “Yes, come back here anytime you want! My home is yours. Everything I have and everything I am is yours, Brian. I love you.”
“I love you too, Helen. I love you too, Megan.” he said, and they could hear that he meant it. Both women were almost weepy with joy, and they fully understood that he wasn't leaving them as he began to get dressed again.
A few minutes later, he escorted them both back into the house, then gave them kisses goodbye. The van was already running for him when he got outside, and practically drove itself back to the Bailey's house. He parked out front, but when he turned the ignition, it stayed running.
“That's odd.” he said, going into the house without knocking. His sister Mindy and her friend Rebecca were both dressed, sitting on the couch together, and talking.
“Are you okay here, Mindy?” he asked. 'I'm going to drive Mom to work. Her shift starts pretty soon.”
“Can we go shopping?” Rebecca asked. “You had so much money... Can we go shopping? I promise you'll like what we buy!”
Brian laughed. “Sure. Come on out to the van. I'll hook you up.”
Outside, he got in the driver's seat and took a bundle of fifties out of one of the bags. “Here. This is enough for both of you, now go have fun.” he told them. “Call a cab, and take one home, too. Be back before midnight.”
The tires chirped a bit as the van pulled away, and it took him the few short blocks back to his house, then the motor stopped. Brian wasted no time going into his house.
“Mom? Are you home?” he called out, fearing the worst, but she replied right away, and he could tell by her voice that nothing was wrong. His hand slipped off the butt of the guns he still wore under the borrowed suit.
“I'm just getting out of the shower, Brian.” she replied from upstairs. “Would you come up here, please? There's something I need to talk to you about.”
“I'm here, Mom. He said, in the hallway at the top of the stairs. She came out of the bathroom with just a towel on and saw him for the first time that day. Her teenage boy looked like a full grown man in that suit!
“Where did you get the suit?” she asked, her eyes widening. “It makes you look so much taller! And more mature!”
“I need to talk to you, too, Mom.” he smiled. “I bought our neighbor's van this morning, so I can give you a ride to work. We have a liittle extra time now, and I think we're going to need it.”
His voice was so much deeper now! And mesmerizing. Lilly felt herself get moist just from the sound of his voice and blushed.
“I need to get dressed for work.” she said, and turned to go to her room. He followed her and stopped at her doorway.
“Everything is going to be okay, Mom. I promise.” he said. She turned from her dresser after opening the top drawer and looked at him, hope in her eyes. He took two steps into the room and gave her a hug, “It is. It's all going to be okay, I promise.”
She fell into his arms and returned his hug, crying onto his shoulder.
“I'm scared.” she admitted. “I'm all alone, and I'm scared. I've been so alone for so long!”
“I know, Mom, and I'm here now.” he said, stroking her back soothingly. The towel slipped loose, unnoticed by either of them, but was held up by the pressure of their two bodies. “You don't have to feel alone ever again, I promise that, too.” He kissed the top of her head.
“I believe you.”” she sobbed, crying tears of joy and she didn't even know why. “Brian, what's happened? What's changed? Something is different now. Better, but different. You've grown up a lot since last night. Did you meet a girl?”
“I did.” he smiled. “I've met quite a few girls, in fact. Girls just like you.”
“What do you mean, just like me?” she whispered, shivering a little. She had a feeling she knew what he meant. She had a feeling he was right.
“I know that you're a girl, Mom.” he told her, pushing her away a little to look at her face. “You're a woman, and you have the needs of a woman. Needs that have gone unmet for far too long. Needs that haven't been met since my father died.”
“Brian, I...” she started, but he cut her off.
“I love you too, Lilly.” he said, using her name. He bent his head and kissed her on the lips. She melted into his arms and kissed him back, hungrily.
When it ended, he stayed close to her face, looking deep into her eyes.
“You're my son...” she protested weakly.
“I'm a man who loves you.” he replied, then kissed her again. Her arms went around his neck and the towel fell away as he backed her over to the bed.
Her knees hit it, and then she was sitting down, still kissing him.
His hands were busy at his pants, and then they were sliding to the floor. He straightened up, and suddenly Lilly was faced with the bigged cock she'd ever seen in her life. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open as she gasped in surprise.
“Oh my God!” she whispered. His hand was stroking her hair, gently pulling her forward, and suddenly it brushed her lips. Instinctively, she put her hands up to his thighs and tried to push him away, but his hand on her head was inexorable, and it was in her mouth despite her protests.
As soon as she tasted it, she quit fighting and closed her lips around the head, greedy for more. He let her have it, and let go of her head altogether as she got busy sucking it all on her own.
She was moaning as she bobbed her head up and down on him, eagerly sucking on him. It was like she couldn't get enough, and she was going down on his whole length each time, too, deep throating him and sucking fiendishly.
When he came, she greedily sucked and swallowed all of that, too, making happy little cooing noises as he filled her mouth. When he was done, she sat back and looked up at him with shining eyes.
“Oh my God, I never knew that could be so much fun! I should have tried it years ago!” she said, licking her lips. 'I wish we had more time, but I have to go to work.”
She stood up, and to her great surprise, she wasn't afraid of her nudity in front of her son anymore. She went to the dresser and pulled on a pair of panties, then a bra. She went to the closet and got her pink rayon waitress uniform off it's hanger and put it on, not minding at all that Brian was watching her every move.
He followed her outside, then escorted her out to the van, opening her door and helping her in. It was already running when he got in the driver's side.
The diner she worked at was only just up the road, and they were there in no time. Before she could get out, Brian gave her a thousand dollars from one of the bags.
“You made some really good tips tonight.” he grinned. She gaped at the money in her hand.
“Brian, the only way I could make a thousand dollars on my shift tonight is by going out back and servicing the glory hole.” she said. “I can't accept this.”
“Sure you can.” he grinned. “I just saved you a trip out back, is all.”
As his mom was going inside, another of the waitresses came around the corner. She had obviously been servicing, and when she saw the van, she came hurrying over with a worried look on her face.
“Master Brad, I...” she said, then stalled when she saw it was Brain instead. She looked very confused.
Brad shut the van off and got out. “I'll come inside with you so you don't get fired.' he said.
“Thanks.' she said, relieved. “I got run off at the truck stop, and this is the last good place in town to earn my punishment.”
“You're being punished, too?” he asked. She nodded.
“Well, as of today, all of Brad's punishments are forgiven.” he told her. “I'm your new Master.”
“Yes sir.” she smiled. “Thank you sir!”
“What time does your shift end, Liz?” he asked, reading her name tag.
“Two am, at closing time.' she told him.
“Well, if you're being punished, where have you been spending your nights?” he asked. “There's no truckers to doss down with here.”
“I have a blanket behind the dumpster, if I can't hook up with one of the customers.” she told him. “Which is most of the time. A lot of the customers here are married. Most of them.”
“Well, you can go home tonight.” he told her. “Also, half of whatever punishment money you've earned so far is yours now. How much do you have?”
“I only have fifteen thousand of it.” she said. 'I know, I've been here for two months already, but that's all of it, I swear!”
“How much was your total again? Fifty thousand?” he asked. She nodded, looking at the floor, ashamed of herself for doing so poorly.
“You don't have to give me half, and you can go home tonight. Tomorrow, you go shopping, and only a third of that money is to be spent on lingerie for men to look at. The rest is to be spent on things you want, no cars. Have fun with it.” he told her.
Her eyes lit up like it was Christmas and all her birthdays rolled into one, and gave him a hug. There was a stir in the kitchen, and an older fat man came bustling out, wearing greasy whites and a paper hat. He had a spatula in one hand still.
“What is going on here? Liz, get your ass back to waiting tables, or you're fired.” he snarled, then looked at Brian. Most of the starch went out of him with a single look.
“Well, if it isn't asshole Mal.” he said.
“Who are you?” Mal asked, looking at Brian suspiciously. His eyes were quick to note the bulge of the guns.
“I'm Lilly's son Brian.” he told him, and Mal's eyes got bigger.
“You sure grew up, kid.” he said respectfully. “Last time I saw you, you were just a little pipsqueak.”
“Is that what made you think you could treat my mother like shit?” Brian asked, his voice menacing.
“Hey, I was just doing my job.” Mal said sullenly.
“Is there a problem here?” a big guy asked, muscling his way over to the little scene starting to develop. A lot of customers were looking.
“There's no problem at all, Jake.' Brain said, without taking his eyes off Mal.
“How did you know my name?” Jake asked, confused.
“I know a lot of things, Jake.” Brian continued, still looking at Mal. 'I know that you're the one assigned to watch out for the girls who go out back, and I know that you're good at your job.” he said. Mal was beginning to sweat.
“Yeah, you should be sweating, Mal. You should be sweating bullets, if you know what I mean.” Brian laughed right in the shorter man's face. 'Yeah, you piece of shit, sweat. Just remember who I am, and remember that I don't like men who slap women around. I ain't Brad, and don't you forget it.”
“Welcome aboard, sir!” Jake smiled, holding out his hand to shake. “I've been wanting to tell this piece of shit off for years!”
“Brian Matthews.” he replied, returning the handshake with a quick three pumps and letting go. 'I'm not here to shake things up, really, but I'd like to see things go a little more friendly, if you know what I mean.”
“Yes sir, and I'm sure Mal takes your meaning, too.” Jake said, and gave Mal a hard look. “There won't be any more mishaps, I promise.”
“Ri-ight.” Brian said. “”I have to go. Business.” He left them standing there and went back out to the van.
He had a lot of things on his mind, so he just got on the freeway and drove, not even paying attention when the van took an exit all by itself until it came to a halt in an unfamiliar neighborhood. The horn honked twice, and Andrea came hurrying out, looking so sad she was about to cry.
She was wearing jeans and a long sleeved blouse, and she went up to the passenger door, but it was locked. She tried it again, but still nothing.
“I guess you can't come back, Andrea. This is goodbye forever.” he said, noting that her collar was gone.
Her face screwed up into tears. “I don't want to go back, Brian. Thank you for letting me go.”
She looked at the van. “Thank you for letting me go.' she said to it. She felt a single throb of it's power, then she was just standing next to a vehicle, talking to a guy. She took a deep breath and felt ten thousand pounds slid off her shoulders, and a new brightness filled her brilliant green eyes as the van drove away.
Brian could feel the relief as well, but he could also sense the hole that Andrea had left. It was a space that he didn't want filled again. He wanted a different shape in that empty spot.
The van wandered off the freeway again, this time taking him back the way he had come, north instead of south, then got off and started heading west. He didn't know where they were going, but he knew it was where he needed to be. There was another girl for the van out there, and they were rolling right at her. |
Title: 6 virgins play truth or dare
Tags: Fiction, Bi-sexual, Consensual Sex, First Time, Group Sex, Incest, Lesbian, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Romance, Teen Male/Teen Female, Virginity, Young
Introduction:
6 young teens loosing their virginity to each other through a game of truth or dare
Content:
6 virgins play Truth or Dare
This story is pure fiction it is just something that kind of came to me in a dream. It is about young teen friends discovering sex together, including incest and lesbian sex, and I may get a little carried away at times.
Hi my name is Kimberly, but everybody calls me Kim. I'm 13 years old, 5'4" tall and weigh 108lbs. I have Blonde hair and blue eyes. My breasts are the size of large oranges and are very firm with pointy pink nipples. My pussy is shaved, (it's a thing with my friends as to whom has the cleanest pussy.) My legs are firm from playing soccer and volleyball, as is my ass.
I want to tell you what happened last weekend when my two best friends. {Suzi. (Same height and build as me, blonde hair blue eyes, but she just turned 14) and Melissa who is 13, brown hair brown eyes, and is only 5'2", about 103lbs and has small firm breasts.} who were here for a sleep over.
We were hanging out in my room, talking about school, boys, and sex, when my mom came in and said that her younger sister had been in a bad car accident and that she and dad were going to the hospital where she was. The hospital was across the state, and they would most likely be gone over night. I said. "O bummer mom is aunt Karen going to be ok."
My mom told me she didn't know but she would call us when she found out. Then she told us to behave ourselves, and keep my twin brother Kevin out of trouble.
I said "I will, don't worry about us we'll be all right."
About an hour after my parents left, my brother Kevin knocked on my door. When I said. "Come in." He stepped in and said. "Jason and Roger are here and we were about to play a game in the family room, they wanted to know if you girls would like to join us." We all looked at each other, giggled and said ok.
When we got to the family room. Kevin asked us to sit in a circle, Indian style boy-girl, boy-girl facing in. When we were all seated Kevin said. "Were going to play Truth or Dare."
"Oh goodie I love this game." Suzi said. We all agreed to play.
Kevin said. "Ok here are the rules. Every one gets to ask a truth or dare of any one person. Then the person to their right in a counter clockwise rotation goes next. You have to do any dare you receive or answer any question truthfully or you are out and must leave the room, you may also ask multi-part questions or dares." We all agreed.
Kevin says. "I'm first. Suzi, Truth or Dare." she says "dare." Then Kevin says. "I dare you to ask every one here to raise their hand if their a virgin." Suzi blushes and says "Ok, every one who is a virgin, raise your hand." I look around and see that everyone has their hand up. (We all are virgins).
Now it is my turn and I say to, Melissa "Truth or Dare." and she chooses Dare. I say "I dare you to ask every one here, starting with yourself, to tell us if they masturbate, how often, do they do it, how long does it takes to cum, how many times do they cum. and do they fantasize about anyone when they masturbate, and if so, who is it."
Melissa sighs and says. "Yes I masturbate one or two times a week, I usually cum in two or three minutes, the first time and usually two or three times, and I sometimes fantasize about being fucked by Jason," which makes her turn bright red.
Then Jason says. "I masturbate three or four times a weak. It usually takes a few minutes to cum and I often have to cum two times, because my cock doesn't go down after the first one. I usually uses pictures of naked women and stuff. Except on the days when Melissa wears sexy cloths then I fantasize about fucking her."
We look at Melissa to see she is blushing again.
Then Suzi says. "I masturbate three to four times a weak also. It usually takes me three to four minutes to cum and I usually have one or two, and occasionally three orgasms. I sometimes fantasize about fucking Roger and Kevin."
Kevin and Roger look at each other and Say "Hoo yaa."
Then Kevin says. "I masturbate every day. It usually takes me five to seven minutes to cum and I usually have one or two orgasms if my cock stays hard. I fantasize about fucking Suzi, Melissa and sometimes even Kim."
I Say "I masturbate two or three times a week. I usually take one to four minutes to cum depending on how horny I am, and which way I am masturbating. I usually like to have three or four orgasms. I don't have anyone in particular that I fantasize about."
Roger Says. "I masturbate two or three times a day. And it usually takes me two to four minutes to cum. I only cum once and I use pictures of naked girls and stuff like that."
Now Jason asks Suzi T. or D. she picks dare. Kevin says. "I dare you to dare all of us to get totally naked. Get up turn around, remove all cloths and pile them in front of them. Then turn around and sit back down, Indian style."
When Suzi says. "I dare every one to stand, turn around, take all clothing off, pile it some distance in front of you, then turn around and sit Indian style." We all do as dared, removing every stitch of clothing, piling it some distance away, and then sitting back down with our legs crossed, Indian style. We all take a moment to look every one over.
Then Suzi ask Melissa T. or D. She said dare. Suzi Said "I dare you, to dare every one here, starting with you, to tell us if they have a crush on anyone, what kind of crush, and if their in the room they must dare that person to tell us if they have a crush on anyone." Melissa nearly broke into tears, saying. "No you'll ruin everything." Kevin said "Sorry Melissa, you have to do it or leave, rules babe."
Melissa wiped her tears and in a shaky voice said. "Ok I have a major crush on Jason." Then looking at Jason she said, with the same shaky voice, "Ok Jason do you have a crush on anyone."
Jason said. "Yes, I have a major crush on you Melissa."
Melissa looked at Jason with disbelieve in her eyes and said "Really, me." "Yes really." He said.
Once the tears were dried and they got over the shock of finding out they had a crush on each other the game continued as Melissa said. I dare everyone here to tell us if you have a crush on anyone, what kind of crush, and if there here dare them to tell if they have a crush on anyone, starting with Suzi."
Suzi swallowed hard and looked at my brother and said. "Ya, I have a major crush on Kevin, Who do you have a crush on Kev.?"
Kevin looked at Suzi and said. "Well I guess you could say I have a bit of a crush on you Suzi. I mean I have always liked you and even masturbated to your body."
Suzi smiled at that then said. "Well that's a relief, I wasn't sure if you even liked me that much or not, now I know you do." Then Roger said. "I don't have a crush on anyone, but I do really like Kim. How about you Kim."
I said. "I don't have a crush on anyone either but I do like Roger and Jason."
After that Roger asked Suzi T. or D. she said "Oh dare I guess."
Roger said. "Ok I dare you to dare every one here, starting with your self, to tell, and show us, how you masturbate. From how you get your self started, to what you do to achieve orgasm, then show us your pussy and clit, or cock and balls."
Suzi said "Oh shit... what the hell. Well when I'm not in the shower with my legs spread letting the shower hit my pussy. I'm usually in my room where I begin by caressing my breasts and pinching my nipples like this," as she begins playing with her firm orange sized tits, and spreading her legs wide. "Then I begin caressing my way down my body." She says as her hands move down her belly toward her legs. "Then I caress my legs, for a minute before moving to my pussy." She says as she caresses her legs then begins caressing her pussy lips. She spreads her pussy lips wide showing us what's inside. "Then I take these two fingers and rub circles over my clit like this until I cum." She says as she holds her pussy lips open with one hand and rubs over her upper pussy with two fingers of her other hand.
Then she stops and pulling the skin near the top of her pussy up with those same two fingers, she shows us her bright pink, hard wet clit. "And here is what my clit looks like when I'm aroused."
Then a minute later she removed her hands from her pussy and resumed her Indian style sitting position. And says "Starting with Roger. I dare all of you to tell, and show us, how you masturbate. From how you get your self started, to what you do to achieve orgasm, then show us your pussy and clit, or cock and balls."
Roger says. "Well sometimes I stand in the shower and let the water hit my cock until I cum. When I'm in my room I set out pictures of naked girls, lesbians licking pussy or couples fucking. I pour some vegetable oil on my hand and stroke my cock like this until I cum." He says as he takes his long hard cock in his hand and begins stroking It's magnificent length with a long moderate stroke. Then he sits back and shows us his cock and ball sack.
Next Melissa says. "Well I do it in the shower the most because I cum the hardest and fastest that way. What I do is I let the water run over my nipples till they get hard. Then I spread my legs and take the shower head and hold it between my legs, and hit my pussy until I cum the hardest of all.
When I do it in my room I lay back on my bed like this and caress my tits and legs like this." She says as she lays back and caress her tits with her left hand and caress her inner legs with her right. "Once my nipples are hard and my pussy is wet I spread my legs wide, spread my pussy lips like this and rim my opening with the first finger my other hand like this, until I can't take it anymore." She says as she spreads her legs and pussy wide showing us her moist inner opening and folds. Then she begins rimming her opening with her finger. Then she moves her pussy parting fingers way up her pussy exposing her hard red clit, she begins rubbing her exposed clit as she says. "Then when I'm so hot I can't stand it I expose my clit and rub it until I have cum two or three times and can't breath any more and have to stop."
After a minute she removes her finger from her clit and slowly lets the flesh cover it as she sits back up and says. "Oh god that felt great."
Then Jason said. "Well I only masturbate in the shower. I lather up my hand and stroke my cock like this until I cum." He says as he grabs his thick hardening cock and begins stroking it fairly fast. "And some times when my cock doesn't go down after the first cum, I stroke it fast and hard like this until I cum again." He says as he begins stroking hard and fast. "My cock always goes down after the second orgasm." He says.
Then he sits back and shows us his ball sack and his whole cock, before sitting back up.
Next it's my turn and I say "Well some times I masturbate while I'm soaking in the tub. I let most of the water out, then let the faucet run warmish hot water. I lay on my back with my legs spread around the spout, and let the water run over my clit until I cum. When I masturbate in my room I lay on my old bean bag in front of my mirror so I can watch myself. I caress my legs with one hand and caress my tits like this." I say as I lay back and spread my legs, and began caressing my tits with my left hand and my legs with my right hand. "Then when I get wet and hot. I move this hand up onto my pussy." I say as I move my right hand up and spread my pussy wide open with two fingers so everyone can see it.
"Then I rub my clit like this while pinching my nipples until I cum, and then maybe cum again and again if needed to get off." I say as I pinch my nipples and rub my fingers over my clit for a minute, bring me to the brink of orgasm. "And I cum just like this." I grunt as I begin to convulse and shudder as I cum. While I was cumming I could hear them saying things like "Wow she's cumming." and "look at how wet her pussy gets when she cums."
When my orgasm subsided I take the middle finger of both hands and pull the skin up off my clit to expose it, the sensation of this makes me arch my back involuntarily for a second. "And this is what my clit looks like just after I have cum. "I said.
After my pleasure has subsided most of the way, and I think they have had a good enough look at my pussy and clit. I remove my hand and resume sitting Indian style, saying. "See like I said One to four minutes for me to cum, depending on how horny I am, I must have been very horny huh?"
They all nodded or said yes.
Now it is Kevin's turn and he says. "Well sometimes I masturbate in the shower too. I have a tube of K Y that I use to lube my cock and stroke it until I cum. Or in my room I lube my cock and stroke it like this until I cum, while looking at pictures of nude girls or couples fucking or girls eating each others pussy." He says as he begins stroking his long thick cock.
I hadn't noticed how gorgeous my twin brother's cock really is. His stroking it is making me wet.
Kevin spreads his legs wide giving us a good look at his balls and cock before he resumes his Indian style sitting position.
Now I ask Kevin T. or D. He chooses dare. I said "I dare you to dare all of us, including yourself, to tell us if they are bisexual." He says. "Sorry, but definitely not, girls only, but I dare the rest of you to tell us if you are bisexual."
Suzi says. "I am definitely bisexual. These girl friends of mine are just as hot as the guys here."
Jason says. "Absolutely not, guys don't turn me on at all, and I wouldn't touch another guys cock with a ten foot pole."
I say. "Yes I think I am, I find Suzi and Melissa attractive and sexy."
Roger says. "Definitely not, I love girls and only girls."
Melissa says. "Well I'm a little bisexual, I am finding my self getting turned on looking at Suzi and Kim."
Then Jason asked Me T. or D. Figuring more embracing questions, I say dare. Jason says "I dare you to lay on your back and let Suzi move over you in a sixty nine and lick each others pussy for one minute.
I look at Suzi and can tell by the look in her eyes she is willing so I say. "Oh what the fuck lets go girl."
I laid back and spread my legs wide. Suzi moved over me with her pussy over my face, and her face over my pussy. When Jason said "begin." I began tentatively licking Suzi's pussy as she began licking mine. I soon realized her tongue felt better than anything else I had ever felt and it was fantastic, specially when she parted my pussy lips with her fingers and finding my clit, began to lick it.
I reached up and parted her pussy lips and soon found her clit and was able to lick it a few times before Jason said. "Times up, stop, Suzi back over there and both of you sit."
Suzi slowly got up and moved back over to her place and sat down as I sat back up, reeling in what she had just done to me and how incredible it had felt.
Suzi asks Roger T. or D. He chose truth. She asked him to tell us if he had ever licked a pussy. Roger said. " No, I have only seen them in magazines."
Roger then asks Melissa T. or D. she picks truth. He asks her to tell us if she has ever sucked a cock. She says, "No I haven't even seen a cock before tonight."
Melissa asked me. T or D. I chose dare. Melissa said. "Kim I dare you to move over Roger as he lays back, and suck his cock for one minute."
I look at Melissa and say. Oh babe, I've never sucked a cock before, I have no idea how." Roger says. "Oh its easy, you just lick and suck on it like a frozen pop-cycle, just no teeth."
"Oh ok," I say as I get up and move over to him as he leans back.
When Melissa says. "Begin" I start licking and sucking on his cock head, and as I get more comfortable and bold I begin licking and sucking with more enthusiasm, just as Melissa says. "Stop times up." I get up off Roger and said. "Not bad for a beginner, huh?"
"No not bad, you'll get better." Roger said.
When I got back to my place it was my brother's turn again and he asked Melissa T. or D. She chose dare. Kevin Said. "Melissa I dare you to lay on your back with your legs spread and let Jason move between them and lick your pussy for two minutes."
Melissa says. "Come and lick me man." as Jason moves over to her as she lays back with her legs spread. Jason moved between her legs with his mouth over her pussy. When Kevin said "Begin" Jason began licking her pussy.
Melissa was soon moaning as Jason had found her clit and was licking it like crazy. Melissa must have been very horny and loving this very much because in about a minute and a half she bucked up and cried out as she came. Jason continued to lick her pussy and clit as she came down from her orgasm, for the remaining time until Kevin said. "Stop, times up."
When Jason slowly gets up Melissa looks him in the eyes and says. "Oh god that was great, thanks for the fantastic orgasm, I loved it." Jason moved over her face and gave her a quick kiss on the lips and then said. "Your welcome babe, any time, I loved it too."
When Jason and Melissa were back in their seated position, it was my turn and I Asked my brother T. or D. and he picked dare. I said. "Ok brother I dare you to lay back and let Suzi move over you in the sixty nine and lick her pussy while she sucks your cock for 2 minutes."
"Hell yea babe, come and get some!" Kevin said. as Suzi got up and stepped over to him. He laid back as she straddled his face and laid on him. When I said "Begin" she began sucking his cock as he began to lick her pussy.
It took Kevin a while to realize he should probably lick her clit as after about a minute I heard her say. "Lick my clit." Then when he did find her clit and start licking it she cried out. "Oh yea, that's it." But I had to say. "Stop, times up." before she could really get going.
Suzi got up off of Kevin and said. "Thanks for trying, it was just your first time and I hope you learned a little." Kevin said. "I'm sorry I didn't read your needs and begin licking your clit sooner." She patted him on the back and told him she had faith that he would learn, as she returned to her place.
Then it was Jason's turn again and he asked me if I wanted T. or D. I chose dare. Jason said. "Kim I dare you to move over me so I can lick your pussy, for two minutes. Kevin will monitor the time for us." I said. "Sure." He laid back and I rolled on top of him.
When Kevin Said. "Begin." He began to lick my pussy, he was great at pussy licking, as soon as I got wet and hot he went to my clit and brought me up to orgasm with that fantastic feeling tongue, in just a minute, as I grunted and came hard, in a fantastic orgasm, when Kevin said. "Stop, times up." I got up off of Jason and said. "Thanks for the fantastic orgasm you sure have learned to lick pussy well, that was awesome." Jason said. "Your welcome, I enjoyed making you cum."
Then it was Suzi's turn and she asked Roger T. or D. he chose dare. Suzi said. "I dare you to lay on your back and let Melissa lay on you in the sixty nine and suck your cock while you lick her pussy for two minutes."
Roger says. "Oh yea, I was hoping to get to do this." as he laid back. Melissa moved over him, and laid on him, taking his cock into her mouth.
When Suzi says "Begin" Roger begins to lick Melissa's pussy as she begins licking and sucking Roger's cock. Roger seemed to be having trouble knowing what to do to Melissa's pussy as she wasn't moaning much. but as time was running out I think he finally found her clit as she softly cried out just before Suzi said. "Stop, times up."
When Melissa got up off of Roger he was breathing hard. He looked at her and said. "Oh my god girl, you almost made me cum, that was fantastic. I'm just sorry I couldn't get you that hot."
Melissa said. "Oh don't feel bad, it was your first time, and you did finally find my clit, you'll get better with time and practice."
After Melissa sat back at her place It was Roger's turn again. He asked me if I wanted T. or D. I chose dare. Roger said. "I dare you to kneel between Suzi's legs and lick her pussy for two minutes."
I moved between Suzi's spread legs as she leaned back. When Roger said, "Begin" I started licking her pussy lips and soon made my way into her folds and then to her clit, making her moan and rock her hips as she got hotter and hotter until Roger said "Stop, times up. Suzi sat up and patted me on the back and thanked me as I patted her ass and got up. And said. "Your welcome, any time babe." before returning to my seat.
Then it was Melissa's turn again. She asked Jason T. or D. Jason said dare. Melissa said. "I was hoping you wanted a dare, because I have decided to lay on my back with my legs spread and dare you to take my cherry, then when I'm ready I want you to fuck me slowly for one minute."
"Shit yea!!!" Jason says. as he gets up and moves over to Melissa, as she lays back with her legs spread, and says, "It's a good thing my Dr. put me on birth control for my cramps."
I said. It's a good thing we are all on birth control for that, since it will come in handy for this."
Jason moves over her and begins rubbing his cock head in her pussy to lube it. Then he begins slowly pushing his virgin cock into her virgin pussy. After a few seconds he stops and says. "Is that your cherry?" Melissa says. "Yes just push gently." I watched as Jason pushes and then suddenly his cock slides almost all the way into her pussy. Melissa didn't make a sound until he was all the way in and stopped. Then she said. "Well that didn't hurt, you can go the rest of the way in."
Jason says. "Oh god, Honey, I'm already all the way in." "Oh I thought so but wasn't sure, because it feels so good, his cock feels great up inside me stretching my entrance and along my walls." Melissa says.
"Oh my god this is amazing, it feels like nothing I had ever imagined, She is so hot, wet and slick inside, and I can feel her blood pulsing in her as her heart beats, this is fantastic." Jason says
Then Melissa said. "Kim will you watch the time as we go."
"Ok I will gladly, you may begin." I said.
Jason begins moving slowly in and out of Melissa's pussy with his long hard cock. They both say "This feels so fucking good at the same time," as he begins moving a little faster.
"Then I say, "Stop, times up."
Melissa looks at me and says. "Oh man,, I was getting so close to cumming I don't want to stop."
"Well don't then I don't care, go ahead and make her cum Jason." I said. so he kept going, and just a few seconds later she tenses up and cries out softly, "I'm cumming, I'm cumming. Jason fucks her through her orgasm saying, "I can't believe how good this feels. I can feel her cumming, her pussy is convulsing, and is a lot wetter and hotter inside." Jason continued fucking her slowly to let her cool down before stopping and pulling out. Melissa grabs him and kisses him long and passionately before thanking him for making her first time the most wonderful anyone could asked for.
He told her she was very welcome, as it was just as fantastic a first time for him too, and hoped to do it again. Melissa told him she was sure it would and it would get better. Then Jason returned to his place in the group.
Now it's my brother's turn again and he asks me if I want T. or D. I say dare. Kevin says "Good, because I dare you to lay on your back with your legs spread and allow Roger to move over you and take your cherry, then fuck you slowly for one minute."
I look at Kevin then Roger, then lay back and say. "Ok Roger take my precious cherry, but be gentle." Roger says. "Well babe I'll gently take your cherry and give you mine, as there isn't anyone else I want to do it with, for the first time than with you."
I look at Roger as he moves over me and say. "Oh Roger, I can't think of anyone I would rather loose my cherry to than you either."
When Roger was over me I reached between my legs, grasping his cock and rubbing it's head between my wet pussy lips to lube it, then I positioned it at my opening and asked him to push in gently. Roger looked me in the eyes as he gently pushed. I gasped as his head popped through my entrance, which felt fantastic.
Then I felt him hit my hymn. "Gently!!" I said. I winced in slight pain as his cock head tore through the thin membrane and slid in deeper. I sighed when I felt his balls hit my bottom, as I knew he was fully in me. I laid there reeling in the sensation of being fully filled, as my pussy throbbed.
I said "Oh god I love the feel of this, I feel his cock filling me up and it just hurt a little as he popped my cherry."
Roger looked at me and said. "Ok Kim, I never imagined it could feel like this. I can feel your pulse through your pussy, and its like a hot slick velvet sleeve that my cock is deep inside."
"I'm ready" I said, and few seconds later Kevin said. "Begin."
Roger pulled his cock almost all the way out, then pushed it in to the bottom, and back out and in deep, in increasingly faster pace until he was fucking me at a nice fairly slow pace. This felt even better as his cock rubbed the sensitive nerves at my entrance and filling me as he slides deep into me. I was rising toward orgasm quicker then ever. Then he moved closer and began rubbing his chest over my nipples. This set me off and I quickly tensed and then cried out, "I'm cumming as I began convulsing and cumming harder than ever.
Roger kept on fucking me and just as my orgasm subsided Kevin said, "Stop, times up." I said Just a few seconds longer, until I come down." Which Roger did, until I patted him on the ass, kissed him and thanked him for the best orgasm ever. Roger told me he loved it and wanted to do it again if I wanted to. Then he slowly pulled his cock out of my pussy and got up. I sat up and watched him as he moved back to his place and sat down.
Now it was my turn and I asked Melissa if she wanted T. or D. she said truth this time. I said "Ok, tell us how you liked being fucked, and what do you think of Jason, Would you like him to fuck you again?"
Melissa said. "I absolutely loved being fucked, it was the best thing I have felt since the shower head. I love Jason more then ever now and I would love to fuck Jason as much as possible!"
Now it's Jason's turn, and I was betting he was going to dare Melissa to fuck him again. Jason surprised me and asked Kevin if he wanted truth or dare. Kevin wanted a dare. Jason said. "I dare you to take Suzi's cherry from behind as she kneels in a doggie position."
Suzi was definitely up for that as she was on her hands and knees in a flash. She looked at Kevin and said. "Oh by the way I broke my own hymen plying with a big carrot one day so you don't have to be that gentle."
I watched as my brother kneeled behind this hot young girl and rubbed his virgin cock around in her pussy lips a minute, before he sinks it in deep, groaning an "Oh god this feels so good," as he goes in deep.
Jason says. "Begin" as Kevin begins fucking Suzi slowly. They both look at us and Suzi says. "Oh god this is so much better than the carrot I used that one time." and Kevin says. "Man you guys were right about this. I never new a girls pussy would feel this good on my cock, this is definitely better than masturbation and much more fulfilling."
Then Jason says. "Ok guys times up." Kevin gives Suzi several pats on the ass as he pulls out and stands up. They thank each other for the honor of giving their virginity to the other.
When they are seated again it is Suzi's turn again, and she asks Roger if he wants T. or D. he asks for a dare. Suzi says. "Ok I dare you to lay back and let Melissa sit on your cock, facing you, and ride your cock at a pace of her discretion for two minutes."
Roger lays on his back with a pillow under his head so he can watch her. Melissa walks over his waist and looks him in the eyes as she squats down over his cock. Roger guides his cock to her entrance, as she moves down and takes it fully into her.
When Suzi says, "Begin" Melissa begins riding up and down on Roger's cock at a moderate pace. She soon closes her eyes, tilts her head back and caresses her breasts. Melissa looks like she was about to cum any second as she was grunting and breathing hard, when Suzi said. "Ok times up guys."
"Oh shit I was just about to cum." Melissa said. "Me too" Roger said. "Thanks, that was great, Kim's a lucky girl, you've got a great feeling cock." Melissa said. Then Roger said. "Well Jason is very lucky to have such a slick smooth pussy, and a nice girl like you to fuck and love."
Now it's Roger's turn and he asks Kevin T. or D. Kevin chooses dare. Roger says "I dare you to fuck your sister in the doggie position for two minutes."
I rolled onto my hands and knees, spreading my legs. My brother moved behind me and slid his cock deep into my pussy, he reached down and grabbed my breasts. When Roger said. "Begin" Kevin began fucking me with long moderate strokes, while caressing my breasts. It felt fantastic and I was getting really hot really fast, and I knew I would cum soon. I was right as I reached my peak and began shuddering and grunting hard as I came. Kevin fucked me through my orgasm and on until Roger said. "That's it, times up."
Kevin Pulled out of me and gave me a little smack on the ass as he said. "Nice fuck sis, your orgasm felt great."
"Thanks, it was a fantastic orgasm." I said as I sat back down.
Then Melissa asked me if I wanted T. or D. I said Truth.
Melissa then said. "So tell me how you liked fucking doggie style and why." I said "I loved fucking doggie I just had a fantastic orgasm in just over a minute. Kev's cock sliding in and out of my pussy was incredible, but when he caressed my tits it felt even better and that's what got me off quicker and harder."
"Hey Bro, where did you guys learn all of these positions and sex acts?" I asked.
Kevin said. "Oh we found a stack of porno magazines, and we have been reading the stories in them, and they are the sources of our masturbation pictures."
"Oh I see, you'll have to show them to us some time." I said
Now it was Kevin's turn again, and he asked Melissa T. or D. She chooses dare. Then Kevin says. "I dare you to ride Jason, facing him as he lays on his back, until he cums, and his cock goes down."
They look at each other and grin. Then as Jason lays back, Melissa moves over him. She looks him in the eyes and says. "I've dreamed of doing this with you, for a long time." Jason says. "Me too babe."
He guides his cock to her pussy entrance as she sinks down onto it fully. Then she begins riding up and down on him with slow strokes.
As she gets hotter she begins riding faster. Melissa tilts her head back and is moaning loudly. Then after about three minutes Melissa cries out and shudders as she cums. She slows her pace as she rides out her orgasm, then looks Jason in the eyes as she rides him. He says "Keep going babe, it feels so incredible but I'm not there yet."
Melissa continues at this pace and soon Jason tenses up and grunts as he cums into her pussy, Melissa slows her pace drastically as she senses his orgasm so as to not over stimulate his cock. After about a minute, she stops moving and gets up as his mostly limp cock flops out of her pussy. Melissa helps Jason sit up and kisses him, thanking him for the fantastic fuck. he told her she was welcome, and loved it and her. she smiled and kissed him again before sitting back down.
Now it's my turn again and I ask Roger T. or D. he chooses dare. I said. "Ok I dare you to fuck me until you cum." Roger said "Oh yea, I was hoping to fuck you to orgasm tonight, your so hot."
I blushed as I laid on my back and kicked my legs up with my knees bent so he can get in deep. Roger moved over me and guiding his cock to my pussy he slid deep into me, making me grunt and sigh as I felt the incredible feeling of him filling me.
Roger raised up on his hand and began slowly fucking me with long strokes. As we get hotter he begins moving faster but not to fast.
Roger fucks me like this for a long time as I slowly rise toward my orgasm. I am loving this very much. Then Roger drops down closer to me, which allows my nipples to rub against his chest, and his groin to rub my clit. This sends me off to new heights, and I soon tense up and cum harder than ever. Roger looked at me and said. "Oh Kim, I can feel you cumming, your pussy is contracting around my cock so hard and I can feel you shuddering, it must be a strong one."
When I calm down I Said "I just had the most powerful orgasm yet, and I loved it so much." Roger said, "Good, I'll try and give you another one."
"Just keep doing exactly what your doing and I will cum again." I said.
Roger kept fucking me like that, rubbing my clit and nipples, which felt so fantastic I was rising towards orgasm quickly again. When I started moaning loudly and rocking my hips, Roger picked up speed. This was all I needed as I Quickly reached my peak. When I tensed up and cried out as I began cumming the convolutions in my pussy set Roger off as he grunted and sank in deep. He rocked his hips and grunted several times as he came deep inside my pussy as I was cumming with him, even harder and longer yet.
When our orgasms were done, Roger laid on me for a minute as we caught our breaths. Then he pulled out of me and got up, helping me sit up. I thanked him for the fantastic fuck, and he thanked me for letting him, because he really likes me a lot.
Then it was Jason's turn again and he asked Melissa T. or D. She choose dare. He said "I dare you to lay on your back and have Suzi lay on you in the sixty nine and lick each other's pussy until you both cum."
Melissa lays back and spreads her legs as Suzi moves over her in the sixty nine. They begin licking each others pussy gently at first but with more intensity as they get hotter and they start moaning louder.
After about two minutes Melissa tenses up and shudders as she cums hard. Then about a minute later Suzi cries out and shudders as she cums. After Suzi's orgasm subsides she gets up off Melissa and said. "Thanks for making me cum, I loved it very much." and then Melissa said "Ya me too."
When Suzi sits back down it is her turn, and she asks Kevin T. or D. He chose dare. She said. "I dare you to fuck your sister in the doggie position for two minutes. Then you let me ride you until we both cum."
Kevin moves over to me as I roll onto my hands and knees again. Kevin moves behind me and shoves his cock deep into my pussy. When Suzi says. "Begin" my brother begins fucking me slowly.
After about a minute, Kevin begins fucking me a little faster until Suzi says. "Times up guys, come over here Kev."
Kevin pulls his cock out of my pussy and as I roll back to my seated position, I watch Kevin move over to Suzi and lay on his back. She moves over him, facing him, and sinks her pussy down onto his cock.
Suzi begins riding Kevin fairly hard as she began moaning. After a while she tilted her head back and started grunting real hard. I knew she was about to cum. and seconds later she began to shudder as she came.
Suzi rode through her orgasm, then when it subsided she slowed her pace for a while, before picking up speed again. Then when she was showing signs that she was nearing orgasm, Kevin was also rocking his hips and grunting as he stared at her intently. Then when Suzi tensed up and began to shudder as she came again. Kevin grunted long and hard as he came, with her, filling her pussy with his cum.
When their orgasms subsided, Suzi slowed her pace again until she was sufficiently cooled down. Then she got off Kevin and helped him up. She hugged him and he hugged her back. Then she said. "I absolutely loved the mutual orgasm." Then they kissed before he said "Me too it was unlike anything I could imagine."
When they sat back at their places, it was Roger's turn. He asks me T. or D. I say dare, of course, this is to much fun.
Roger says. "While I lay on my back, I dare you to ride me till I cum." I say. "Oh yea I'd love to."
Roger lays on his back and I move over him, I position my pussy against his cock and sank down onto it. Then I began riding him at a nice pace. I loved the feel of his long slender cock sliding so deep into me, and I even rolled my hips at the bottom of my stroke rubbing my clit on his groin. This felt incredible and had me ready to cum in no time.
I really like Roger now, and was really enjoying fucking HIM. Then the orgasm was upon me and I cried out. "Oh Roger, I'm cumming, I'm cumming." as I shuddered and juiced his cock.
Once my orgasm subsided I continued riding him at the same pace. Soon he was rocking his hips in time with my strokes as he was getting closer to his orgasm. Then I picked up speed and soon tensed up as I began to cum again. I shuddered and cried out softly as an even more powerful orgasm ripped through me leaving me speechless .
Then as my orgasm subsided, Roger thrust his hips up, driving his cock extremely deep into me and grunted as he came, filling my pussy with his hot cum, which felt fantastic, as I could feel his cock pulsing as he came.
When his orgasm was over I sat there for a moment, before getting up. Roger said to me. "Oh Kim, that was so incredible, cumming in your pussy feels so much more intense and pleasurable than when I masturbate, I loved it, thanks so much."
I said. "Oh your so very welcome, you gave me some fantastic orgasms too, and I loved the feel of your cock pulsing so hard as you came, besides I really like you a lot."
I returned to my place as Melissa asked Kevin T. or D. As usual he chose dare. Melissa said "I dare you to dare everyone to move to the shower and clean each other up, as we are done for tonight."
Kevin said. "Ok I dare everyone to follow me to the shower, to clean each other."
We all headed to the master bathroom and to the big shower my parents have. Kevin turned the water on and set the temperature. Then we all got in and all cleaned each other. Before heading back to the family room for some nudist colony T. V. watching, cuddling of new couples and even sleeping together. |
Title: 6 Virgins Play Truth Or Dare (rewrite)
Tags: Fiction, First Time
Content:
The original (by CWS) was awful, full of grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and so on...so I have rewritten it, removing the stated under-age sex and exploring each individual sexual event to their fullest.
Here is my version.
Hi my name is Kimberly, but everybody calls me Kim. I'm 16 years old, 5'4’ tall and weigh 108lbs. I have Blonde hair and blue eyes. My breasts are the size of large oranges and are very firm with pointy pink nipples. My pussy is shaved, (it's a thing with my friends as to who has the cleanest pussy). My legs are firm from playing soccer and volleyball, as is my ass.
I want to tell you what happened last weekend when my two best friends, Suzi (same height and build as me, blonde hair blue eyes, but she just turned 17) and Melissa who is 16, brown hair brown eyes, and is only 5'2’, about 103lbs and has small firm breasts, who were here for a sleepover.
We were hanging out in my room, talking about school, boys, and sex, when my mom came in and said that her younger sister had been in a bad car accident and that she and dad were going to the hospital where she was. The hospital was across the state, and they would most likely be gone over night.
‘O bummer mom,' I exclaimed, 'is Aunt Karen going to be ok.’
My mom told me she didn't know but she would call us when she found out. Then she told us to behave ourselves, and keep my twin brother Kevin out of trouble.
I said, ‘I will, don't worry about us. We'll be all right.’
About an hour after my parents left, my brother Kevin knocked on my door. I told him to come in, he stepped in and said, ‘Jason and Roger are here and we were about to play a game in the family room, they wanted to know if you girls would like to join us.’
We all looked at each other, giggled and said ok.
When we got to the family room, Kevin asked us to sit in a circle, Indian style boy-girl, boy-girl facing in. When we were all seated Kevin said, ‘We’re going to play Truth or Dare.’
‘Oh goodie I love this game,’ Suzi said. We all agreed to play.
Kevin said, ‘Ok here are the rules. Everyone gets to ask a truth or dare of any one person. Then the person to their right in a counter clockwise rotation goes next. You have to do any dare you receive or answer any question truthfully or you are out and must leave the room, you may also ask multi-part questions or dares.’ We all agreed.
Kevin said, ‘I'm first. Suzi, Truth or Dare?’
She said, ‘Dare.’
Then Kevin said, ‘I dare you to ask everyone here to raise their hand if they’re a virgin.’
Suzi blushed and said, ‘Ok, everyone who is a virgin, raise your hand.’
I look around and see that everyone had their hand up. (We were all virgins).
Now it was my turn and I said to Melissa, ‘Truth or Dare?’
She chose Dare.
I said, ‘I dare you to ask everyone here, starting with yourself, to tell us if they masturbate, how often, do they do it, how long does it takes to cum, how many times do they cum. and do they fantasize about anyone when they masturbate, and if so, who is it.’
Melissa sighed and said, ‘Yes I masturbate one or two times a week, I usually cum in two or three minutes, the first time and usually two or three times, and I sometimes fantasize about being fucked by Jason,’ which makes her turn bright red.
Then Jason said, ‘I masturbate three or four times a week. It usually takes a few minutes to cum and I often have to cum two times, because my cock doesn't go down after the first one. I usually use pictures of naked women and stuff. Except on the days when Melissa wears sexy clothes then I fantasize about fucking her.’
We look at Melissa to see her blushing again.
Then Suzi said, ‘I masturbate three to four times a week also. It usually takes me three to four minutes to cum and I usually have one or two, and occasionally three orgasms. I sometimes fantasize about fucking Roger or Kevin.’
Kevin and Roger look at each other and said, ‘Hoo yaa.’
Then Kevin said, ‘I masturbate every day. It usually takes me five to seven minutes to cum and I usually have one or two orgasms if my cock stays hard. I fantasize about fucking Suzi, Melissa and sometimes even Kim.’
I said, ‘I masturbate two or three times a week. I usually take one to four minutes to cum depending on how horny I am, and which way I am masturbating. I usually like to have three or four orgasms. I don't have anyone in particular that I fantasize about.’
Roger said, ‘I masturbate two or three times a day. And it usually takes me two to four minutes to cum. I only cum once and I use pictures of naked girls and stuff like that.’
Now Jason asked Suzi T. or D. and she picked dare.
Kevin said, ‘I dare you to dare all of us to get totally naked. Get up turn around, remove all clothes and pile them in front of them. Then turn around and sit back down, Indian style.’
When Suzi said, ‘I dare everyone to stand, turn around, take all clothing off, pile it some distance in front of you, then turn around and sit Indian style.’
We all did as dared, removed every stitch of clothing, piled it some distance away, and then sat back down with our legs crossed, Indian style. We all took a moment to look every one over.
Then Suzi asked Melissa T. or D.
She said ‘Dare.’
Suzi said, ‘Ok. I dare you... I dare everyone here, starting with you, to tell us if they have a crush on anyone, what kind of crush, and if that person is in the room then they must dare that person to tell us if they have a crush on anyone.’
Melissa nearly broke into tears, saying, ‘No you'll ruin everything.’
Kevin said, ‘Sorry Melissa, you have to do it or leave, rules babe.’
Melissa wiped her tears and in a shaky voice said, ‘Ok I have a major crush on Jason.’ Then looking at Jason she said, with the same shaky voice, ‘Ok Jason do you have a crush on anyone.’
Jason said. ‘Yes, I have a major crush on you, Melissa.’
Melissa looked at Jason with disbelieve in her eyes and said, ‘Really, me.’
‘Yes really,’ he said.
Once the tears were dried and they got over the shock of finding out they had a crush on each other the game continued as Melissa said. ‘I dare everyone here to tell us if you have a crush on anyone, what kind of crush, and if that person is here dare them to tell if they have a crush on anyone, starting with Suzi.’
Suzi swallowed hard as she looked at my brother and said, ‘Ya, I have a major crush on Kevin, Who do you have a crush on Kev?’
Kevin looked at Suzi and said, ‘Well I guess you could say I have a bit of a crush on you Suzi. I mean, I have always liked you and even masturbated to your body.’
Suzi smiled at that then said, ‘Well that's a relief, I wasn't sure if you even liked me that much or not, now I know you do.’
Then Roger said, ‘I don't have a crush on anyone, but I do really like Kim. How about you, Kim?’
I said, ‘I don't have a crush on anyone either but I do like Roger and Jason.’
After that Roger asked Suzi T. or D.
She said, ‘Oh dare I guess.’
Roger said, ‘Ok I dare you to dare everyone here, starting with yourself, to tell, and show us, how you masturbate. From how you get yourself started, to what you do to achieve orgasm, and then show us your pussy and clit, or cock and balls.’
Suzi said ‘Oh shit... what the hell. Well when I'm not in the shower with my legs spread letting the spray from the shower hit my pussy, I'm usually in my room where I begin by caressing my breasts and pinching my nipples like this,’ as she began playing with her firm orange sized tits, and spreading her legs wide. ‘Then I begin caressing my way down my body,’ she said as her hands move down her belly toward her legs. ‘Then I caress my legs, for a minute before moving to my pussy,’ she said as she caresses her legs then began caressing her pussy lips. She spreads her pussy lips wide showing us what's inside. ‘Then I take these two fingers and rub circles over my clit like this until I cum,’ she said as she holds her pussy lips open with one hand and rubbed over her upper pussy with two fingers of her other hand.
Then she stops and pulling the skin near the top of her pussy up with those same two fingers, she shows us her bright pink, hard wet clit. ‘And here is what my clit looks like when I'm aroused.’
Then a minute later she removed her hands from her pussy and resumed her Indian style sitting position. And said, ‘Starting with Roger. I dare all of you to tell, and show us, how you masturbate. From how you get yourself started, to what you do to achieve orgasm, and then show us your pussy and clit, or cock and balls.’
‘Well sometimes I stand in the shower and let the water hit my cock until I cum. When I'm in my room I set out pictures of naked girls, lesbians licking pussy or couples fucking. I pour some baby oil on my hand and stroke my cock like this until I cum,’ Roger said as he took his long hard cock in his hand and began stroking its magnificent length with a long moderate stroke. Then he sat back and showed us his cock and ball sack.
Next Melissa said, ‘Well I do it in the shower the most because I cum the hardest and fastest that way. What I do is I let the water run over my nipples until they get hard. Then I spread my legs, hold the showerhead between my legs and let the water hit my pussy until I cum the hardest of all. When I do it in my room I lay back on my bed like this and caress my tits and legs like this,’ she said as she laid back and caressed her tits with her left hand and her inner legs with her right. ‘Once my nipples are hard and my pussy is wet I spread my legs wide, spread my pussy lips like this and rim my opening with the first finger my other hand like this, until I can't take it anymore,’ she said as she spread her legs and pussy wide showing us her moist inner opening and folds. Then she began rimming her opening with her finger. Then she moved her pussy parting fingers way up her pussy exposing her hard red clit, she began rubbing her exposed clit as she said, ‘Then, when I'm so hot I can't stand it I expose my clit and rub it until I have cum two or three times and can't breathe anymore and have to stop.’
After a minute she removed her finger from her clit and slowly let the flesh cover it as she sits back up and said, ‘Oh god that felt great.’
Then Jason said, ‘Well I only masturbate in the shower. I lather up my hand and stroke my cock like this until I cum,’ he said as he grabbed his thick hardening cock and began stroking it fairly fast. ‘And sometimes when my cock doesn't go down after the first cum, I stroke it fast and hard like this until I cum again,’ he said as he began stroking hard and fast. ‘My cock always goes down after the second orgasm.’
Then he sat back and showed us his ball sack and his whole cock, before sitting back up.
Next it was my turn and I said, ‘Well sometimes I masturbate while I'm soaking in the tub. I let most of the water out, and then let the faucet run warmish hot water. I lay on my back with my legs spread around the spout, and let the water run over my clit until I cum. When I masturbate in my room I lay on my old beanbag in front of my mirror so I can watch myself. I caress my legs with one hand and caress my tits like this,’ I said as I laid back and spread my legs, and began caressing my tits with my left hand and my legs with my right hand. ‘Then, when I get wet and hot, I move this hand up onto my pussy,’ I said as I moved my right hand up and spread my pussy wide open with two fingers so everyone could see it.
‘Then I rub my clit like this while pinching my nipples until I cum, and then maybe cum again and again if needed to get off,’ I said as I pinched my nipples and rubbed my fingers over my clit for a minute, bringing me to the brink of orgasm. ‘And I cum just like this,’ I grunted as I began to convulse and shudder as I came. While I was cumming I could hear them saying things like ‘Wow she's cumming,’ and ‘look at how wet her pussy gets when she cums.’
When my orgasm subsided I took the middle finger of both hands and pulled the skin up off my clit to expose it, the sensation of this making me arch my back involuntarily for a second. ‘And this is what my clit looks like just after I have cum,’ I said.
After my pleasure has subsided most of the way, and I think they have had a good enough look at my pussy and clit, I removed my hand and resumed sitting Indian style, saying. ‘See. Like I said, one to four minutes for me to cum, depending on how horny I am. I must have been very horny huh?’
They all nodded or said yes.
Now it was Kevin's turn and he said, ‘Well sometimes I masturbate in the shower too. I have a tube of K Y that I use to lube my cock and stroke it until I cum. Or in my room I lube my cock and stroke it like this until I cum, while looking at pictures of nude girls or couples fucking or girls eating each-others pussy.’ And he began stroking his long thick cock.
I hadn't noticed how gorgeous my twin brother's cock really is. His stroking it was making me wet.
Kevin spreads his legs wide giving us a good look at his balls and cock before he resumed his Indian style sitting position.
Now I asked Kevin T. or D., he chose dare. I said ‘I dare you to dare all of us, including yourself, to tell us if they are bisexual.’
He said, ‘Sorry, but definitely not, girls only, but I dare the rest of you to tell us if you are bisexual.’
Suzi said, ‘I am definitely bisexual. These girl friends of mine are just as hot as the guys here.’
Jason said, ‘Absolutely not, guys don't turn me on at all, and I wouldn't touch another guys cock with a ten foot pole.’
I said, ‘Yes I think I am. I find Suzi and Melissa attractive and sexy.’
Roger said, ‘Definitely not, I love girls and only girls.’
Melissa said, ‘Well I'm a little bisexual, I am finding myself getting turned on looking at Suzi and Kim.’
Then Jason asked me T. or D.?
Figuring more embarrassing questions, I said, ‘Dare.’
Jason said, ‘I dare you to lay on your back and let Suzi move over you in a sixty nine and lick each other’s pussy for one minute.
I looked at Suzi and could tell by the look in her eyes she was willing so I said, ‘Oh what the fuck, let’s go girl.’
I laid back and spread my legs wide. Suzi moved over me with her pussy over my face and her face over my pussy. When Jason said ‘begin,’ I began tentatively licking Suzi's pussy as she began licking mine. I soon realized her tongue felt better than anything else I had ever felt and it was fantastic, especially when she parted my pussy lips with her fingers and, finding my clit, began to lick it.
I reached up and parted her pussy lips, soon found her clit and was able to lick it a few times before Jason said, ‘Times’ up, stop, Suzi back over there and both of you sit.’
Suzi slowly got up and moved back over to her place and sat down as I sat back up, reeling in what she had just done to me and how incredible it had felt.
Suzi asked Roger T. or D.
He chose truth and she asked him to tell us if he had ever licked a pussy.
Roger said, ‘No, I have only seen them in magazines.’
Roger then asked Melissa T. or D. she picked truth.
He asked her to tell us if she has ever sucked a cock. She said, ‘No I haven't even seen a cock before tonight.’
Melissa asked me T. or D., I chose dare.
Melissa said, ‘Kim I dare you to move over Roger as he lays back, and suck his cock for one minute.’
I look at Melissa and said, ‘Oh babe, I've never sucked a cock before, I have no idea how.’
Roger said, ‘Oh it’s easy, you just lick and suck on it like a frozen Popsicle, just no teeth.’
‘Oh ok,’ I said, got up and moved over to him as he leaned back.
When Melissa said, ‘Begin,’ I started licking and sucking on his cock head. As I got more comfortable and bold I began licking and sucking with more enthusiasm, just as Melissa said, ‘Stop, time’s up.’
I got up off Roger and said, ‘Not bad for a beginner, huh?’
‘No not bad, you'll get better,’ Roger said.
When I got back to my place it was my brother's turn again and he asked Melissa T. or D.
She chose dare.
Kevin said, ‘Melissa I dare you to lay on your back with your legs spread and let Jason move between them and lick your pussy for two minutes.’
Melissa said, ‘Come and lick me man.’
Jason moved over to her as she laid back with her legs spread. Jason moved between her legs with his mouth over her pussy. When Kevin said, ‘Begin’ Jason began licking her pussy.
Melissa was soon moaning as Jason had found her clit and was licking it like crazy. Melissa must have been very horny and loving this very much because in about a minute and a half she bucked up and cried out as she came. Jason continued to lick her pussy and clit as she came down from her orgasm, for the remaining time until Kevin said, ‘Stop, time’s up.’
When Jason slowly got up Melissa looked him in the eyes and said, ‘Oh god that was great, thanks for the fantastic orgasm, I loved it.’
Jason moved over her face, gave her a quick kiss on the lips and then said, ‘You’re welcome babe, any time, and I loved it too.’
When Jason and Melissa were back in their seated position, it was my turn and I asked my brother T. or D.
He picked dare.
I said. ‘Ok brother, I dare you to lay back and let Suzi move over you in the sixty nine and lick her pussy while she sucks your cock for 2 minutes.’
‘Hell yea babe, come and get some,’ Kevin said as Suzi got up and stepped over to him. He laid back as she straddled his face and laid on him.
When I said, ‘Begin,’ she began sucking his cock as he began to lick her pussy.
It took Kevin a while to realize he should probably lick her clit as after about a minute I heard her say, ‘Lick my clit.’
Then when he did find her clit and start licking it she cried out. ‘Oh yea, that's it.’
But I had to say, ‘Stop, time’s up,’ before she could really get going.
Suzi got up off Kevin and said, ‘Thanks for trying, it was just your first time and I hope you learned a little.’
Kevin said. ‘I'm sorry I didn't read your needs and begin licking your clit sooner.’
She patted him on the back and told him she had faith that he would learn, as she returned to her place.
Then it was Jason's turn again and he asked me if I wanted T. or D.
I chose dare.
Jason said, ‘Kim I dare you to move over me so I can lick your pussy, for two minutes. Kevin will monitor the time for us.’
I said, ‘Sure.’
He laid back and I rolled on top of him.
When Kevin said, ‘Begin,’ he began to lick my pussy.
He was great at pussy licking, and I got wet and hot very quickly.
He soon found my clit and brought me up to orgasm with that fantastic feeling tongue, in just a minute.
I grunted and came hard, in a fantastic orgasm, when Kevin said, ‘Stop, time’s up.’
I got up off Jason and said, ‘Thanks for the fantastic orgasm. You sure have learned to lick pussy well, that was awesome.’
Jason said, ‘You’re welcome, I enjoyed making you cum.’
Then it was Suzi's turn and she asked Roger T. or D.
He chose dare.
Suzi said, ‘I dare you to lay on your back and let Melissa lay on you in the sixty nine and suck your cock while you lick her pussy for two minutes.’
Roger said, ‘Oh yea, I was hoping to get to do this,’ as he laid back. Melissa moved over him, and laid on him, taking his cock into her mouth.
When Suzi said, ‘Begin,’ Roger started to lick Melissa's pussy as she began licking and sucking Roger's cock. Roger seemed to be having trouble knowing what to do to Melissa's pussy as she wasn't moaning much, but as time was running out I think he finally found her clit as she softly cried out just before Suzi said, ‘Stop, times up.’
When Melissa got up off Roger he was breathing hard. He looked at her and said, ‘Oh my god girl, you almost made me cum, that was fantastic. I'm just sorry I couldn't get you that hot.’
Melissa said, ‘Oh don't feel bad, it was your first time, and you did finally find my clit, you'll get better with time and practice.’
After Melissa sat back at her place, it was Roger's turn again. He asked me if I wanted T. or D.
I chose dare.
Roger said, ‘I dare you to kneel between Suzi's legs and lick her pussy for two minutes.’
I moved between Suzi's spread legs as she leaned back. When Roger said, ‘Begin,’ I started licking her pussy lips and soon made my way into her folds and then to her clit, making her moan and rock her hips as she got hotter and hotter until Roger said, ‘Stop, time’s up.
Suzi sat up and patted me on the back and thanked me.
I patted her ass got up as well and said, ‘You’re welcome, any time babe,’ before returning to my seat.
Then it was Melissa's turn again. She asked Jason T. or D.
Jason said dare.
Melissa said, ‘I was hoping you wanted a dare, because I have decided to lay on my back with my legs spread and dare you to take my cherry, then when I'm ready I want you to fuck me slowly for one minute.’
‘Shit yea,’ Jason said, as he got up and moved over to Melissa.
She laid down on her back with her legs spread, and said, ‘It's a good thing my doctor put me on birth control for my cramps.’
I said, ‘It's a good thing we are all on birth control for that, since it will come in handy for this.’
Jason moves over her and began rubbing his cock head in her pussy to lube it. Then he began slowly pushing his virgin cock into her virgin pussy. After a few seconds he stopped and said, ‘Is that your cherry?’
Melissa said, ‘Yes, just push gently.’
I watched as Jason pushed and then suddenly his cock slid almost all the way into her pussy.
Melissa didn't make a sound until he was all the way in and stopped. Then she said, ‘Well that didn't hurt, you can go the rest of the way in.’
Jason said, ‘Oh god, Honey, I'm already all the way in.’
‘Oh, I thought so but wasn't sure, because it feels so good, his cock feels great up inside me stretching my entrance and along my walls.’
Melissa said, ‘Oh my god this is amazing, it feels like nothing I had ever imagined, She is so hot, wet and slick inside, and I can feel her blood pulsing in her as her heart beats, this is fantastic,’ Jason said.
Then Melissa said, ‘Kim will you watch the time as we go.’
‘Ok I will gladly, you may begin.’ I said.
Jason began moving slowly in and out of Melissa's pussy with his long hard cock. They both said, ‘This feels so fucking good,’ at the same time, as he began moving a little faster.
‘Then I say, ‘Stop, times up.’
Melissa looked at me and said, ‘Oh man, I was getting so close to cumming I don't want to stop.’
‘Well don't then. I don't care, go ahead and make her cum Jason,’ I said, so he kept going, and just a few seconds later she tensed up and cried out softly, ‘I'm cumming, I'm cumming. Jason fucked her through her orgasm saying, ‘I can't believe how good this feels. I can feel her cumming. Her pussy is convulsing, and is a lot wetter and hotter inside.’ Jason continued fucking her slowly to let her cool down before stopping and pulling out. Melissa grabbed him and kissed him long and passionately before thanking him for making her first time the most wonderful that anyone could ask for.
He told her she was very welcome, as it was just as fantastic a first time for him too, and hoped to do it again. Melissa told him she was sure it would and it would get better. Then Jason returned to his place in the group.
Now it's my brother's turn again and he asked me if I want T. or D.
I said, ‘Dare.’
Kevin said, ‘Good, because I dare you to lay on your back with your legs spread and allow Roger to move over you, take your cherry, and then fuck you slowly for one minute.’
I look at Kevin then Roger, then lay back and say. ‘Ok Roger, take my precious cherry, but be gentle.’
Roger said, ‘Well babe I'll gently take your cherry and give you mine, as there isn't anyone else I want to do it with, for the first time than you.’
I looked at Roger as he moved over me and said, ‘Oh Roger, I can't think of anyone I would rather lose my cherry to than you either.’
When Roger was over me I reached between my legs, grasped his cock and rubbing the head between my wet pussy lips to lube it. Then I positioned it at my opening and asked him to push in gently. Roger looked me in the eyes as he gently pushed. I gasped as his head popped through my entrance, which felt fantastic.
Then I felt him hit my hymen.
‘Gently,’ I said, and winced in slight pain as his cock-head tore through the thin membrane and slid in deeper. I sighed when I felt his balls hit my bottom, as I knew he was fully in me. I laid there reeling in the sensation of being fully filled, my pussy throbbing.
I said, ‘Oh god I love the feel of this, I feel his cock filling me up and it just hurt a little as he popped my cherry.’
Roger looked at me and said, ‘Ok Kim, I never imagined it could feel like this. I can feel your pulse through your pussy, and it’s like a hot slick velvet sleeve that my cock is deep inside.’
‘I'm ready,’ I said, and few seconds later Kevin said, ‘Begin.’
Roger pulled his cock almost all the way out, then pushed it in to the bottom, and back out and in deep, until he was fucking me at a nice fairly slow pace. This felt even better as his cock rubbed the sensitive nerves at my entrance and filling me as he slid deep into me. I was rising toward orgasm quicker than ever. Then he moved closer and began rubbing his chest over my nipples. This set me off and I quickly tensed and then cried out, ‘I'm cumming,’ as I began convulsing and cumming harder than ever.
Roger kept on fucking me and just as my orgasm subsided Kevin said, ‘Stop, time’s up.’
I said, ‘Just a few seconds longer, until I come down.’
Which Roger did, until I patted him on the ass, kissed him and thanked him for the best orgasm ever. Roger told me he loved it and wanted to do it again if I wanted to. Then he slowly pulled his cock out of my pussy and got up. I sat up and watched him as he moved back to his place and sat down.
Now it was my turn and I asked Melissa if she wanted T. or D. she said truth this time. I said ‘Ok, tell us how you liked being fucked, and what do you think of Jason, Would you like him to fuck you again?’
Melissa said, ‘I absolutely loved being fucked, it was the best thing I have felt since the shower head. I love Jason more than ever now and I would love to fuck Jason as much as possible.’
Now it's Jason's turn, and I was betting he was going to dare Melissa to fuck him again. Jason surprised me and asked Kevin if he wanted truth or dare. Kevin wanted a dare.
Jason said, ‘I dare you to take Suzi's cherry from behind as she kneels in a doggie position.’
Suzi was definitely up for that as she was on her hands and knees in a flash. She looked at Kevin and said, ‘Oh by the way I broke my own hymen plying with a big carrot one day so you don't have to be that gentle.’
I watched as my brother kneeled behind this hot young girl and rubbed his virgin cock around in her pussy lips a minute, before he pushed it in deep, groaning an ‘Oh god this feels so good.’
Jason said, ‘Begin,’ as Kevin began fucking Suzi slowly.
They both looked at us and Suzi said, ‘Oh god this is so much better than the carrot I used that one time.’
Kevin said, ‘Man you guys were right about this. I never knew a girls’ pussy would feel this good on my cock, this is definitely better than masturbation and much more fulfilling.’
Then Jason said, ‘Ok guys time’s up.’
Kevin gave Suzi several pats on the ass as he pulled out and stood up. They thanked each other for the honour of giving their virginity to the other.
When they were seated again, it was Suzi's turn once more, and she asked Roger if he wants T. or D.
He asked for a dare.
Suzi said, ‘Ok I dare you to lay back and let Melissa sit on your cock, facing you, and ride your cock at a pace of her discretion for two minutes.’
Roger laid on his back with a pillow under his head so he could watch her. Melissa walked over his waist and looked him in the eyes as she squatted down over his cock. Roger guided his cock to her entrance, and she moved down and took it fully into her.
When Suzi said, ‘Begin’ Melissa began riding up and down on Roger's cock at a moderate pace. She soon closed her eyes, tilted her head back and caressed her breasts. Melissa looked like she was about to cum any second as she was grunting and breathing hard, when Suzi said, ‘Ok time’s up guys.’
‘Oh shit, I was just about to cum,’ Melissa said.
‘Me too,’ Roger said.
‘Thanks, that was great, Kim's a lucky girl, you've got a great feeling cock,’ Melissa said.
Then Roger said, ‘Well Jason is very lucky to have such a slick smooth pussy, and a nice girl like you to fuck and love.’
Now it's Roger's turn and he asked Kevin T. or D.
Kevin chooses dare. Roger said ‘I dare you to fuck your sister in the doggie position for two minutes.’
I rolled onto my hands and knees, spreading my legs. My brother moved behind me and slid his cock deep into my pussy, reaching down and grabbing my breasts at the same time. When Roger said, ‘Begin,’ Kevin began fucking me with long moderate strokes, while caressing my breasts. It felt fantastic and I was getting really hot really fast, and I knew I would cum soon. I was right as I reached my peak and began shuddering and grunting hard as I came. Kevin fucked me through my orgasm and on until Roger said, ‘That's it, time’s up.’
Kevin pulled out of me and gave me a little smack on the ass as he said, ‘Nice fuck sis, and your orgasm felt great.’
‘Thanks, it was a fantastic orgasm,’ I said as I sat back down.
Then Melissa asked me if I wanted T. or D.
I said Truth.
Melissa then said, ‘So tell me how you liked fucking doggie style and why.’
I said ‘I loved fucking doggie I just had a fantastic orgasm in just over a minute. Kev's cock sliding in and out of my pussy was incredible, but when he caressed my tits it felt even better and that's what got me off quicker and harder.’
‘Hey Bro, where did you guys learn all of these positions and sex acts?’ I asked.
Kevin said, ‘Oh we found a stack of porno magazines, and we have been reading the stories in them, and they are the sources of our masturbation pictures.’
‘Oh I see, you'll have to show them to us some time,’ I said.
Now it was Kevin's turn again, and he asked Melissa T. or D.
She chose dare.
Then Kevin said, ‘I dare you to ride Jason, facing him as he lays on his back, until he cums, and his cock goes down.’
They look at each other and grin. Then as Jason laid back, Melissa moved over him. She looked him in the eyes and said, ‘I've dreamed of doing this with you, for a long time.’
Jason said, ‘Me too babe.’
He guided his cock to her pussy entrance as she sank all the way down onto it. Then she began riding up and down on him with slow strokes.
As she got hotter she began riding faster. Melissa tilted her head back and was moaning loudly. Then after about three minutes Melissa cried out and shuddered as she came. She slowed her pace as she rode out her orgasm, then looked Jason in the eyes as she rides him.
He said, ‘Keep going babe, it feels so incredible but I'm not there yet.’
Melissa continued at this pace and soon Jason tensed up and grunted as he came into her pussy, Melissa slowed her pace drastically as she sensed his orgasm so as to not over stimulate his cock. After about a minute, she stopped moving and got up as his mostly limp cock flops out of her pussy. Melissa helped Jason sit up and kissed him, thanking him for the fantastic fuck. He told her she was welcome, and loved it and her. She smiled and kissed him again before sitting back down.
Now it's my turn again and I asked Roger T. or D.?
He chose dare.
I said, ‘Ok I dare you to fuck me until you cum.’
Roger said, ‘Oh yea, I was hoping to fuck you to orgasm tonight, you’re so hot.’
I blushed as I laid on my back and kicked my legs up with my knees bent so he could get in deep. Roger moved over me, guided his cock to my pussy and slid deep into me, making me grunt and sigh as I felt the incredible feeling of him filling me.
Roger rose up on his hand and began slowly fucking me with long strokes. As we got hotter he began moving faster, but not too fast.
Roger fucked me like this for a long time as I slowly rose toward my orgasm. I loved this very much.
Then Roger dropped down closer to me, my nipples to rubbing against his chest and his groin rubbing my clit.
This sent me off to new heights, and I soon tensed up and came harder than ever.
Roger looked at me and said, ‘Oh Kim, I can feel you cumming, your pussy is contracting around my cock so hard and I can feel you shuddering, it must be a strong one.’
When I calmed down I said, ‘I just had the most powerful orgasm yet, and I loved it so much.’
Roger said, ‘Good, I'll try and give you another one.’
‘Just keep doing exactly what you’re doing and I will cum again,’ I said.
Roger kept fucking me like that, rubbing my clit and nipples, which felt so fantastic.
I was rising towards orgasm quickly again. When I started moaning loudly and rocking my hips, Roger picked up speed. This was all I needed as I quickly reached my peak.
When I tensed up and cried out as I began cumming, the convolutions in my pussy set Roger off as he grunted and sank in deep. He rocked his hips and grunted several times as he came deep inside my pussy as I was cumming with him, even harder and longer yet. When our orgasms were done, Roger laid on me for a minute as we caught our breaths. Then he pulled out of me and got up, helping me sit up. I thanked him for the fantastic fuck, and he thanked me for letting him, because he really liked me a lot.
Then it was Jason's turn again and he asked Melissa T. or D.?
She chose dare.
He said, ‘I dare you to lie on your back and have Suzi lay on you in the sixty nine and lick each other's pussy until you both cum.’
Melissa laid back and spread her legs as Suzi moved over her in a sixty-nine. They began licking each other’s pussy gently at first but with more intensity as they got hotter and they started moaning louder.
After about two minutes Melissa tensed up and shuddered as she came hard. Then about a minute later Suzi cried out and shuddered as she came too. After Suzi's orgasm subsided she got up off Melissa and said, ‘Thanks for making me cum, I loved it very much.’
Melissa said, ‘Ya, me too.’
Suzi sat back down, it was her turn, and she asked Kevin T. or D.?
He chose dare.
She said, ‘I dare you to fuck your sister in the doggie position for two minutes. Then you let me ride you until we both cum.’
Kevin moves over to me as I rolled onto my hands and knees again. Kevin moved behind me and shoves his cock deep into my pussy. When Suzi said, ‘Begin,’ my brother began fucking me slowly.
After about a minute, Kevin began fucking me a little faster until Suzi said, ‘Time’s up guys. Come over here Kev.’
Kevin pulls his cock out of my pussy and as I roll back to my seated position, I watch Kevin move over to Suzi and lay on his back. She moves over him, facing him, and sinks her pussy down onto his cock.
Suzi began riding Kevin fairly hard as she began moaning. After a while she tilted her head back and started grunting very hard. I knew she was about to cum, and seconds later she began to shudder as she came.
Suzi rode through her orgasm, and when it subsided she slowed her pace for a while, before picking up speed again. Then when she was showing signs that she was nearing orgasm, Kevin was also rocking his hips and grunting as he stared at her intently. Then when Suzi tensed up and began to shudder as she came again. Kevin grunted long and hard as he came, with her, filling her pussy with his cum.
When their orgasms subsided, Suzi slowed her pace again until she was sufficiently cooled down. Then she got off Kevin and helped him up. She hugged him and he hugged her back. Then she said, ‘I absolutely loved the mutual orgasm.’ Then they kissed before he said ‘Me too it was unlike anything I could imagine.’
When they sat back at their places, it was Roger's turn. He asked me T. or D. I say dare, of course, as this was too much fun.
Roger said, ‘While I lay on my back, I dare you to ride me till I cum.’
I said, ‘Oh yea I'd love to.’
Roger laid on his back and I moved over him, positioning my pussy against his cock and sank down onto it. Then I began riding him at a nice pace. I loved the feel of his long slender cock sliding so deep into me, and I even rolled my hips at the bottom of my stroke rubbing my clit on his groin. This felt incredible and had me ready to cum in no time.
I really like Roger now, and was really enjoying fucking HIM. Then the orgasm was upon me and I cried out. ‘Oh Roger, I'm cumming, I'm cumming,’ as I shuddered and juiced his cock.
Once my orgasm subsided I continued riding him at the same pace. Soon he was rocking his hips in time with my strokes as he was getting closer to his orgasm. Then I picked up speed and soon tensed up as I began to cum again. I shuddered and cried out softly as an even more powerful orgasm ripped through me leaving me speechless.
Then as my orgasm subsided, Roger thrust his hips up, driving his cock extremely deep into me and grunted as he came, filling my pussy with his hot cum, which felt fantastic, as I could feel his cock pulsing as he came.
When his orgasm was over I sat there for a moment, before getting up. Roger said to me. ‘Oh Kim, that was so incredible, cumming in your pussy feels so much more intense and pleasurable than when I masturbate, I loved it, thanks so much.’
I said, ‘Oh you’re so very welcome, you gave me some fantastic orgasms too, and I loved the feel of your cock pulsing so hard as you came, besides I really like you a lot.’
I returned to my place as Melissa asked Kevin T. or D. As usual he chose dare. Melissa said ‘I dare you to dare everyone to move to the shower and clean each other up, as we are done for tonight.’
Kevin said, ‘Ok I dare everyone to follow me to the shower, to clean each other.’
We all headed to the master bathroom and to the big shower my parents have. Kevin turned the water on and set the temperature. Then we all got in and all cleaned each other. Before heading back to the family room for some nudist colony T.V. watching, cuddling of new couples and even sleeping together. |
Title: 72 Hours of Lust - Part 2
Tags: Fiction, Cheating, Male/Female, Wife
Content:
72 Hours of Lust Part 2
Howard called at about seven thirty; he had gotten his first day out of the way and had settled into his motel room for the night. He asked her if she was ok, she sounded funny. Traci said she felt fine, but maybe she was coming down with something. He told her to take care of herself, and that he would call her the next night about the same time. After Traci hung up the phone, she went in and sat down in the living room and watched television for a while. She was restless she couldn't sit still. Her mind kept wandering back to that afternoon. She glanced out the window toward Bills house. His wife’s car was in the drive. What could she do? Maybe she'd go out and get a bite to eat, rather than trying to fix something at the house. Maybe that would take her mind off this sudden compulsion she had with sex.
Going upstairs, she slipped out of her robe, rummaged through her closet until she decided on a simple print dress. Twenty minutes later she was headed out the door. She had decided she would try the new restaurant at the shopping center. A couple of her friends had told her it was real good.
The restaurant was one of those combination bar and grills that had become so popular. She was escorted to her table by a young woman, then handed a menu and asked if she would like a drink from the bar. She knew better, but a daiquiri sounded good, so she ordered one. She then ordered a grilled chicken plate, and sipped on her daiquiri while she waited. The restaurant wasn't very crowded but it was Monday night. Most of the people were at the bar. One man, and older gentleman about fifty kept looking her way. He would smile when their eyes met, finally Traci smiled back.
She ate her dinner quietly, and as she finished, the man approached her. "Excuse me, I don't mean to seem forward, but would you mind if I bought you a drink."
"Well I don't..." Traci began, and then thought what the hell talking to this man would beat watching television. "Sure, that would be nice." The man sat down across from her, and didn't say anything until the waitress took the plate away, and made her way to the bar for the round of drinks he had ordered.
"You live here in the city?" He asked.
"Yes, as a matter of fact just a few miles from here. My husband and I have a house in the Erick Section."
"And do you eat here often?"
"First time, but it was good I will probably come back." Traci sat back as the waitress sat her drink down, then the gentleman’s.
"My name is Charles, Charles Robbins." He put his hand over the table Traci took it.
"Traci,” She decided last names weren't important. "So are you from here?"
"No, just in for a business meeting, I'm staying just down the street, at the Hotel." He pointed as he spoke. Traci could see the sign.
Midway through her second Daiquiri, Traci felt her head start to spin just a bit. Two was her limit, but one and a half was doing strange things to her. The conversation was pleasant with Charles; he seemed like a nice man. The more they talked and the more Traci sipped her drink, the more her thoughts began to turn back to sex. She had no idea what had come over her, but whatever it was she couldn't control it. Charles was looking more and more like someone she would like to sleep with. She knew by the way he looked at her if that’s what she wanted, that’s what she would get. Again she knew she wouldn't stop anything that was going to happen. Again she felt her pussy begin to warm to the thought of getting fucked.
"Oh my, I think these drinks have been a bit too much for me, I think I better get out of here and get some air." She said as she finished the drink in front of her.
"I'll walk with you for a bit, make sure you are ok to drive." Charles picked up her ticket, then stood up, and helped Traci to her feet. She was a bit dizzy, and leaned against him slightly, to keep her balance. He paid the bill, and then helped her out the door.
"So where do you want to walk to?" He asked, putting his arm around her.
"Just around for a little bit, then I'll be ok." Traci replied putting her hand on his that was resting lightly on her hip. They slowly walked toward the shopping center. The cool evening air was making her feel better. They talked as they walked, mostly about unimportant things.
When Traci took her hand from his, she felt it slowly move up her side. Charles was a nice man, very considerate, and she was attracted to him. By the movement of his hand, he was attracted to her also. With each step they took, his hand moved just a bit closer to the side of her breast. He talked the entire time, like nothing was happening. Her anticipation of that first brush with her breast was driving her crazy. She wanted him to brush her breast with his hand, so maybe something more would happen. Traci definitely was not good at seduction since she had never done it before. She hadn't even thought of it before this afternoon, when she lured the neighbor over.
She had not really paid attention to where they were walking, but now she realized they were closer to his hotel room than they were her car. She felt a little tingle in her stomach, which became a big tingle in her stomach, when his hand finally came to rest on the side of her breast. His hand instinctively closed around it slightly. It was that moment they stopped walking and stopped talking. Charles turned Traci to him and stared into her eyes.
"Come to my room with me." He said in a low voice. His hands were now on her shoulders. "Let me make love to you."
Traci shuddered. Thoughts of Howard raced through her mind, how could she be doing this. She thought about Bill that afternoon. Charles' hands slipped from her shoulders down across her back and pulled her into him.
The first kiss, like the one that afternoon, was electric. Her entire body went on automatic pilot, her brain filled with desire. The kiss was long and passionate. Traci was panting by the time it was over. Her arms were once again around a strange mans shoulders, and her body was pushing into his. "Oh Charles, this is so wrong, I'm not suppose to feel like this." She said hugging closer to him.
"Traci, it is just an experience, one that I think both of us want." Charles brought his hands back to her shoulders, and looked deep into her eyes. "It's not about a lifetime, it's about one evening and two lonely people."
"Ok." Traci whispered looking back at the distinguished looking man. As they finished the short walk to the hotel, Traci thought about what she was doing. For some reason she just couldn't stop herself. She wanted to go to the room with him. She wanted to feel him on her, in her. It was what she wanted, she decided, as they rode the elevator to the sixth floor. It was what she wanted to experience.
Traci got home about four in the morning. She went straight to bed, but couldn't sleep. She couldn't get the past few hours out of her mind. Her night with Charles was slow and tender, unlike her afternoon with the neighbor. He had slowly undressed her, so painfully slow. With each button that was undone, her would lightly kiss the exposed flesh. His warm soft lips on her neck, then between her breasts. He took his time with her, building a totally different kind of excitement than that afternoon. His lips would lightly brush one taut nipple, then the other. His teeth would lightly bite down on each of them, and then his broad tongue would lick across them.
Her panties were soaked by the time he got her dress removed. Still he continued his slow erotic assault on her body. He kissed the underside of her breasts, causing her to jump, then his light kisses trailed down across her stomach, stopping to pay homage to her navel. By the time he began to roll her panties down, Traci was in another world, she could hardly control the spasms that shot through her as the mans expert mouth found one erogenous zone after another.
Lying alone in her bed now, she could still feel Charles' hot breath as it wisped through her light tuft of pubic hair. Unlike Bills rough tongue licking wildly at her sex, Charles knew every place to touch and every place to pass by until it was time. His lips caressed her thighs, his tongue licked across her cunt lips lightly, then down even further to that tender area between her pussy and her ass. His fingers came to her pussy lips and separated them, so he could dip his tongue into her and taste the juices of her orgasm that had already racked her body once.
Finally after what seemed like an eternity, his tongue found the swollen head of her clitoris. He nibbled on it until once again an orgasm rushed through her body, like a waterfall. It was only then that Traci realized, she was totally naked in front of this man she had met only a few hours before and he was still fully clothed.
Charles stood by the side of the bed and took of his clothes, folding each piece neatly. Traci watched him, without saying a word, and without covering herself. She lay on the bed, exposed to him; she hadn't even bothered closing her legs. When he slipped his underwear down, Traci could see he wasn't nearly as large as her neighbor, but still it seemed bigger than her husbands.
"Play with yourself." He had said, standing naked next to the bed. "Let me watch you bring yourself off, Traci." His voice was soft, almost hypnotic. She did as he asked. She had first massaged her breasts, until her nipples were hard and extended, then she slid her hands down her body, careful to touch each spot he had kissed. As her hands slid between her legs, she used one hand to part her lips, and the other to massage her still swollen clit. Rubbing herself, then dipping a finger into her juicy quim, brought a smile to Charles' face.
While she played with herself, he slowly stroked his cock. She could see the glistening pre-cum droplets on the tip of his cock. Rolling over onto her stomach, she pushed herself up on all fours, and crawled across the bed to where he was standing. As soon as she was directly in front of him, she once again reached between her legs, and rubbed her aching pussy. For the first time in her life, she actually wanted to have a mans penis in her mouth. Leaning forward, she licked lightly on the tip of his cock, tasting the pre-cum juices that were there. She then slipped her mouth over the head, and sucked him into her mouth. The feel of his hard prick sliding into her mouth sent her over the edge again. She sucked him until she could feel his cock begin to twitch in her mouth.
Charles backed off, pulling his cock from her mouth. She looked up, confused. "I want you Traci." Was all he said. He laid her back onto the bed and slid between her legs. His cock pushed between her cunt lips, and deep into her waiting pussy.
"Oh yes." Traci moaned as his balls slapped against her ass. "You feel so wonderful inside me." At this point she tried to force the action, but her experienced lover wouldn't let her. Once buried in her he stayed there without moving for what seemed like an eternity.
Traci moaned when finally he moved from side to side bumping his cock against her inner walls. He then pulled out and traced his cock around the lips of her swollen pussy. Putting his arms under her knees, he lifted them until they were crushed against her aching breasts. Looking down, she could see his cock disappear into her, then pull half way out, then in again. "Oh Charles, make love to me, let me feel you inside me all night." Traci pushed back on his invading love pole, trying to get more into her than he had to give.
Still Charles maintained a steady rhythm, fucking his pole into her squishing cunt. He watched her eyes, until he knew she was going to cum again, and then he straightened his legs, and fucked into her until his own orgasm erupted deep into her. He stabbed into her with each spurt of semen, and finally collapsed down on top of her, letting go of her legs. There lips met in a deep kiss, her hard nipples still burned into his chest.
Traci could feel herself getting wet all over again, just thinking about the evening. As she finally drifted off to sleep, she rolled onto her stomach, and cradled her pussy in her hand. |
Title: 72 Hours of Lust - Part 3
Tags: Fiction, Consensual Sex, Male / Older Female, Oral Sex, Wife
Introduction:
Traci continues her sexual journey
Content:
72 HOURS of LUST Part 3
Traci slept until almost noon. Her dreams consisted of the two amorous adventures she had experienced the day before. When she awoke, her mind began to focus on what lay in store for her today. She had no idea what she was going to do, but from the way she felt, sex was no doubt going to be a big part of it. In the last twenty-four hours she had been with more men than she had at any time in her life. She had been a virgin when she married Howard, and sex had never been a very important part of their relationship. In the past day she had found out maybe it should have been.
She was on her way to the mall at about one o'clock. Some shopping was in order she had decided. Maybe if she bought a few sexy items, she could entice Howard into a more rigorous lovemaking schedule. She would have to take it slowly, though, or answer a million questions about where she had gotten such ideas.
Her first stop in the mall was at a dress shop she had often walked by, but never went in. What does middle aged housewife need with the sexy little outfits they sell, she had always thought. Now her eyes were peeled for something that would attract some attention.
"Could I help you find something?" Traci turned around to face a woman that was about her age.
"I a really don't know what I'm looking for........" Traci could feel her cheeks turn red. "Something that is going to catch my husbands attention I guess." She laughed nervously.
The woman surveyed her for a moment, and then smiled. "I think I've got what you are looking for." She said, taking Traci's arm and leading her to the back of the store. Once again she looked at Traci, this time measuring her up for size, then turned to a rack of skirts.
"How about something like this?" She asked, pulling a black leather mini from the rack. Traci stared at the small piece of leather the woman was holding.
"Just how short is that?" She asked, wondering if she even had the legs to wear it. The saleswoman laughed.
"Not as short as you think, I guarantee." The woman paused for a moment, then turned to a rack of blouses, and pulled a matching black leather vest from that rack. "Want to try it on?"
Traci thought for a minute, and then shrugged her shoulders. "Why not, never going to know unless I put it on." She took the two items from the woman, and walked to the dressing room. As she unbuttoned the blouse she was wearing, she felt a tightness in her stomach, she was nervous about even putting anything on like she was holding.
Slipping her blouse off, she glanced in the full-length mirror on the wall. Her nipples were hard; she could see them even through her bra. Pulling the vest on, she knew immediately, she was going to need a new bra if she wore something like this. The cut of the vest was very low in the front, and the sleeves were cut out. Her bra showed in both places. Slipping the vest back off, she unclasped her bra and pulled it off also, then put the vest back on.
The soft leather felt good on her uncovered nipples. After buttoning the vest, she turned and faced the mirror. The swell of her breasts was very noticeable. Raising her arms she turned to the side. From that view the nearly perfectly rounded sides of her breasts also came into view. She bent forward, then turned back facing the mirror and bent over again. The vest covered her nipples, and though she showed a lot, no matter how she turned and twisted it wasn't too much.
She then slid her slacks off, and immediately noticed how pale her legs were. "Hose will take care of that." She mumbled to herself. Pulling the mini on, she zipped it up, buttoned it and turned back toward the mirror. She hardly recognized herself. Turning full around, she admired herself, deciding she was glad she had done all of the work she had to get herself back into shape. Two months ago, she wouldn't have dared trying to wear something like this, or even try it on.
"How are you doing in there?" The sales lady asked, through the door.
Traci didn't answer; she took one quick glance in the mirror, then opened the door and walked out of the dressing room. From the look on the woman’s face, Traci could tell even she was impressed.
"You look great,” The woman smiled. "There’s a lot more there than I thought." She said glancing down at Traci's breasts. "But you handle it nicely." Traci could feel herself blush again.
"Thank you, it's not too bold is it."
"For your husband, I don't think so, but I don't know if I would wear it out by myself." The woman paused a few seconds. "Of course you could always wear a thin white blouse under the vest, and tame it a bit." The woman took Traci's arm again and led her over to the mirrors at the back of the store. "Or if you want to go the other way, and really knock them over, you could wear a push up half bra, and really give them something to drool over." With that statement she turned Traci to the mirror, then standing behind her reached around and slid her hands under Traci's breasts. The action was so sudden she didn't know what the woman was doing exactly.
Pushing up on her breasts, the woman smiled over Traci's shoulder. "See the difference." Staring into the mirror, the first thing Traci noticed was the enormous swell in her breasts. The second thing she noticed sent a shock sweeping through her body. Another woman’s hands cupping her breasts. "I...a....a....." Traci stepped forward quickly, and then turned around to the woman. "I....a...need a dark pair of hose also." She said, obviously in a state of near panic.
The sales lady acted as if nothing was wrong. "That's no problem, what about that bra."
"I'll pass on that for awhile." She calmed down pretty quickly. "Can't put too much on Howard at one time." She smiled at the woman, the woman smiled back.
"Ok, can I show you anything else today.”?
"No, that will be all." Traci turned and walked back into the dressing room. Once she shut the down, she let out a heavy sigh. Her stomach was still a little uneasy as she undressed, then put her clothes back on. When she exited the room, the saleslady was waiting for her at the front counter near the front door.
"Will that be cash or charge?" She asked, she had already rang up the purchases and sacked the outfit.
"Charge." Traci said smiling at the woman, she wondered if the woman had made a pass at her a few minutes earlier. She could never remember a salesperson ever doing anything even remotely like that before. Traci handed her the credit card, sneaking a glimpse at the woman as she ran it through the machine. What was getting into her, she was looking at a woman very differently than she ever had before.
"There we go, hon.,” The woman said handing Traci her card back. She smiled at Traci, "Anything else I can do for you?"
"No, not today, thank you." Traci felt a warm rush course through her body as they spoke. The woman handed her the sack. Walking out of the store, Traci turned once again and looked at the woman. She smiled again.
Once in the mall, Traci walked slowly, window-shopping at each store she came too. Her mind kept going back to the woman at the dress shop. She had to be imagining what had happened, women just didn't make passes at other women in such public places. Traci wasn't real sure women made passes at women at all. This was all a new subject for her. She had heard about those kinds of women, but she had always thought they were large manly women that did that sort of thing, not pretty middle-aged normal looking women. She then began wondering what it would be like to be with another woman. What could they do to each other? She tried to imagine herself lying on the bed, letting another woman kiss her and touch her body. While it seemed a little far-fetched, she found that it didn't sound all that perverse or abnormal to her. She felt her cheeks flush slightly at the thoughts that were running through her mind. Suddenly she was aware of where she was again, and glanced around to see if anyone noticed, but then she thought, "notice what silly, your thinking, not talking out loud."
Once she had made her way around the mall, she walked back to her car. "What now Traci?" She asked herself as she unlocked the car door. "You've just spent a hundred dollars on an outfit you will never have the nerve to wear." She got in the car and started it, then sat there for a few minutes trying to decide if she was ready to go home yet or if she wanted to drive around awhile. "She decided on driving around."
As she drove through town, Traci wasn't paying much attention where she was going, just driving, something in her said she needed to clear her head of all of these thoughts she was having and get back to being a normal loyal housewife. She thought about what it would be like when she first faced her husband again. Would she tell him, would he be able to tell she had done something? The thought of Howard finding out about her sudden infidelity scared her. He would probably leave her if he ever found out.
Traci made no more stops in her little drive, but the drive hadn't helped her clear her mind either. She was only a few blocks from home, when she noticed a young man standing on the corner, his thumb up trying to hitch a ride. She pulled over, all the time asking just what the hell she thought she was doing. The young man, was about twenty or so, and dressed well, probably from the university. He jogged up to the car and bent over peering into the window, smiling.
"Hi, my names Eric, could you give me a lift, my car broke down a few blocks back and I really need to get to school." The boys deep blue eyes were almost hypnotic.
"Sure, get in." Traci said smiling back at the boy. When he slid in beside her on the front seat, he thanked her for stopping.
"I didn't know what I was going to do, I sure didn't want to miss class today."
"No problem, my names Traci." She wondered if she should have introduced herself as Mrs., it was too late now. "So what class are you trying to make?"
"Intro to Geology." The boy checked the older woman out when he thought she wasn't looking. Traci noticed but didn't say anything, she was flattered a young man would be interested enough to look. Crazy thoughts started to immediately shoot through her head, and straight to her over active love button. She glanced down at Eric’s hands; they looked so soft and gentle. Traci took a deep breath.
"Listen I have to stop at my house for a minute, then I'll take you on to the university, ok." She glanced his way; he was staring at her breasts.
"Sure, no problem, I got a few minutes yet." His face turned slightly red when he realized Traci had caught him staring. Her face flushed slightly also.
They drove silently to the house, and Traci pulled into the drive. Glancing around for nosy neighbors she saw none. "Want to come inside for a minute, have a coke or something, I'll be just a minute."
"That would be great." Eric's mind was no doubt working overtime now, Traci thought. A middle aged woman while not boldly making a pass at him, was at least making it possible for him to make a pass at her.
Traci got out of the car and quickly walked to the front door, Eric right behind her. She wondered if he had any idea what was going through her mind. That question was answered just as soon as they got inside. Traci stopped and turned around, Eric was standing right behind her. His beautiful blue eyes were melting her very quickly; from the look on his face he knew it. "So make yourself comfortable, I'll be just a sec." The nervousness in her voice was very apparent.
"Sure, take your time." He stood and watched as Traci walked to the stairs.
"There's coke in the refrigerator, help yourself." Traci walked up the stairs knowing full well the young man was watching her she felt her cheeks flush. "Traci what in the world are you doing, what has got into yourself." She scolded herself as she walked into the bedroom, not even knowing what she was doing up there. "Get a hold of yourself, you can't do anything with this boy, he's young enough to be your son." She walked around the bedroom a couple of times trying to figure out just how she was going to get herself out of this.
"Just go straight down the stairs, and out the front door, that’s all you have to do." She walked to the door, opened it and ran into Eric.
"You ok." He said, not moving from in front of her. He was a few inches taller than Traci; his young shoulders were broad, like a swimmer. He was holding a coke.
"Yes..." she stammered, not looking directly at him, "are you ready to go."
"I'm ready, but not to go." He said, softly.
"What?" Traci felt that by now familiar knot in her stomach. The ache was rapidly moving to her most sensitive region.
"And I think your ready, but no to go." Eric's smile was now a bit more of a leer. Still he didn't make a move for her, he just blocked her path, making her endure the moment just a little longer.
"I a...a....don't know what your talking about." Traci still couldn't look him in the eyes, knowing full well the lust she felt would betray her.
"Sure you do, I'll tell you what, lets play a quick little game." With that, he gently raised his free hand to her cheek, lightly rubbing it. Traci didn't move, though the electric shock nearly shook her from her feet. His hand slowly came down across her neck and the front of her blouse. When his hand cupped her heaving breast, she knew it was all over; she had let the game go to far. Eric knew it too.
"See your ready." He gently pushed her back into the bedroom, not taking the moment too fast. Traci stepped back as he gently squeezed her breast.
"I'm a married woman." She said weakly, still not making a move to push his hand away. As they passed the chest of drawers just inside the door, Eric sat his coke down. Bringing his now freed second hand up to her cheek, he slipped it around her neck and pulled her into him.
His lips touched hers lightly, and Traci accepted the kiss, the second was one was a bit more urgent. On the third kiss her arms went around him and pulled him close. Suddenly the knot in her stomach had turned to a blazing fire. She wanted this young boy, she needed him, and he was perfectly willing to let her have him.
Both were breathing heavily when the third kiss ended. Somehow with the hand that had been massaging her breast had found the buttons to her blouse as they kissed and undone the first two. When she backed away from her soon to be lover, her bra covered breast were pushing the blouse apart so he could see her proud cleavage.
Now with both hands free, Eric could finish the job he had started. Slowly he unbuttoned Traci's blouse and tugged it from the waistband of her slacks. "They are beautiful." He said lowly, staring at her scantily covered chest. Traci could feel her hardened nipples pushing into the light fabric of her bra. Her ragged heavy breathing forced them even harder into it.
"You are such a beautiful woman." Eric slipped the blouse from her shoulders, then reached behind her and unclasped the bra. Traci was powerless to stop him, even if she would have wanted to. She was now looking into his eyes, watching each reaction he had as more of her body came into his view. Glancing down she saw the effect her body was having on his young manhood. His jean-covered cock was nearly bulging through the material.
Eric slipped the bra from her shoulders, and sighed. "Just beautiful." He said again, once again reaching up and cupping her breasts, this time with both hands. Her nipples hardened to his touch, his hands were soft, as she had thought, and they felt good touching her. A moan escaped her lips, and she closed her eyes, savoring the soft gentle touch of her young lover. Though not very old he was definitely experienced, probably more so than her.
His hands once again slipped around her and pulled her close, his lips crushing against hers, her large tits pushing against his chest. She felt his hands trace down her back until they came to rest on her ass, then push her mid section into his hardened manhood. Traci now kissed him furiously, growing impatient. She wanted to feel him in her she wanted everything he had to give.
Eric was content to take things slowly, or at least until he had to do something about the ache he was feeling in his cock. The afternoon was young and Eric was not going to make his class.
Eric’s hands stayed on Traci's ass the entire kiss, gently forcing her into his hard manhood over and over again. Her nostrils flared with passion, trying desperately to pull enough oxygen into her lungs as not to pass out from the overwhelming feelings that were shooting through her body. Her nails dug into his cloth covered shoulders, her tongue darted in and out of his mouth. As the kiss broke, it was Traci's turn to disrobe her young partner.
He let his arms drop to his sides as she unbuttoned his shirt. Her impatience with the buttons popped two off. Eric didn't seem to mind. Traci pulled his shirt from his slacks and slid it from his shoulders, much the same way he had done to her. His smooth hairless chest rippled in muscle. Eric was not a big young man but he was built solidly. Once his shirt was on the floor behind him, Traci once again pushed her chest into his. This time her naked breasts caressing his naked bare chest. She rubbed her tits on his chest and upper stomach until his hands came up to her shoulders and gently pushed down.
She knew what he wanted, looking into his smiling eyes, she smiled too, for the first time. Slowly she knelt down, her breasts not breaking contact with his body even as they slid across his cloth-covered crotch. Once on her knees she reached up and unbuckled his belt, then unsnapped his slacks. Slowly she pulled down his zipper, with each inch allowing his hard cock a bit more room. Eric’s white cotton briefs were all that separated Traci from the turgid hot meat she so desperately wanted. Her lips covered his cloth covered love stick with kisses, as she tugged his slacks down. Once he stepped from the slacks, Traci pulled the briefs down, freeing his cock. It sprang free, bouncing against her cheek. She moaned as she felt the hot meat come in contact with her face.
His cock left a trace of pre-cum slickness each time it slid across her cheek. Eric was moving just enough to rub his cock at different spots on her flushed face. His breathing was becoming more ragged by the minute as he watched the beautiful older woman close her eyes and relish in the contact he was making with her face. Finally his cock brushed her lips. Traci opened her mouth just enough to snake her tongue across the tip of his large prick. So many different sizes, she thought, tasting the salty pre-cum droplets.
Less than two days before what Traci was doing wouldn't even have crossed her mind, now she relished in the fact that soon this young man would slide his hard meat into her mouth and she would suck him until he told her to stop. Her sudden love for sucking cock was overwhelming. The night before she had wanted to taste cum shooting into her mouth, today she was going too.
Eric slipped his cock between her lips and Traci hungrily sucked him deeper into her mouth. As inexperienced as she was, she couldn't take a lot, but she took what she could and craved it. Eric’s hands were now on the side of her head, guiding her back and forth on his throbbing manhood. He groaned with each stroke, the feel of her warm soft mouth around him pushed him close to an orgasm almost immediately.
"That's it baby, suck me off, I want to cum in your mouth the first time." He moaned as Traci swirled her tongue around the tip of his cock as he pulled it almost out of her mouth. "Do you want me to cum in your mouth honey?" He asked.
Traci couldn't answer, so she increased her assault on him letting him know that is indeed what she wanted. She could feel his cock twitch with each stroke. Reaching up with one hand she cupped his balls, feeling the tightness in them. She didn't know a lot about cock sucking, but it didn't take long for her to realize she would soon be given a load of his white-hot sticky love juice. Her body trembled at the thought; she was having an orgasm sucking the boy off. Her still cloth covered crotch was wet from excitement; her entire body shook as she came. Looking up, she could see the young man staring down at her, smiling as he pumped his cock in and out of her mouth.
"Here it comes baby, take it, and take it all." He announced. Traci braced herself for her first taste of a mans orgasm. He groaned once again as the first shot of cum shot from the end of his cock splattering the back of Traci's throat, she groaned and came again as his cock exploded into her mouth. Stream after stream of hot liquid filled her mouth. She tried desperately to drink the load, but couldn't keep up with the onslaught. She could feel some escape her lips and drop to her heaving breasts. Eric thrust in and out of her mouth several times making sure she had taken all there was too give.
Finally he backed away from her and looked down. Traci was panting, staring up at her young lover, a few drops of cum on her chin, a few more slowly soaking into her breasts. "You were wonderful." She panted, still trying to catch her breath. "So full."
"How about if I repay the favor?" Eric replied reaching out to help her up. "It is going to take a few minutes for me to recover, how about if I eat your pussy until then." The words sounded so strange, yet Traci knew that is exactly what her aching cunt wanted and needed. Standing, she didn't say a word, she instead unbuttoned her slacks and slid them and her panties down across her hips. Her sparse tuft of blonde hair was the first thing to come into view of the eager eyed young man.
As Traci stepped from her slacks, she backed up to the bed. She was completely naked, proudly displaying her body to this gentle young man. His eyes devoured her as she lay down on the bed, her legs parting for him to get a good view of her slick, aching pussy. He walked to the bed kneeling between her spread legs. His hand came to her damp cunt a finger sliding into her almost immediately. Traci jumped at the touch, then moaned. "Your so wet, so hot." Eric said, extracting his finger and bringing it to his lips. He tasted the sweet nectar of her womanhood. A second time he brought his hand to her damp lower lips, this time placing his entire hand over her cunt, he separated his fingers, pulling her lips apart. He could easily see her swollen love button, throbbing as his fingers grazed over it.
"Oh, Eric." Was all that Traci could say, as she watched the experienced young man playing with her cunt. She watched him for a second time lick his fingers of her hot juices. He then placed his hands on each of her thighs just above the knees and pushed forward until her cunt was totally exposed to him. He leaned down slowly, never losing eye contact with her as his mouth came in contact with her cunt for the first time. She hunched up into him as she felt his mouth clamp around her clitoris, sucking the small bud into his mouth. His tongue swabbed the hardened little bud, sending shivers through her entire body. His hands slid down her thighs until he cupped her asscheeks and pulled her up into his face more.
Traci went crazy thrashing on the bed, trying so hard to impale herself on his talented young tongue. Eric sucked and licked all of the outer areas of her throbbing pussy before actually splitting the folds of her womanhood with his tongue. He knew she would erupt as soon as his tongue slid inside her. She had come about as far as she could without release. He rubbed her asscheeks, grabbing them every few strokes until he knew it was time to bring her off. His final assault lifted her hips from the bed his mouth clamped on her pussy, his tongue stabbing into her like a small cock.
She could stand no more, screaming she reached up and grabbed each side of his head and hunched into his mouth, until her orgasm washed over her. Wave after wave coursed through her body, as she felt her own cum seeping from her onto the waiting tongue of her young lover.
"oh god, oh god, yes, yes, yes, yes." She squealed. Her thrashing body seemed to be emptying everything it had built up for a long time. She had only thought she had experienced an earth shaking orgasm the day before. This was the real thing. Finally as Eric backed away and stood up, Traci lay back on the bed. Her breathing finally came back to normal as she lay there looking at her new lover. His cock was beginning to harden again and she knew there was still at least one more wonderful moment left to happen. She closed her eyes waiting for the young man to join her.
When she opened her eyes a few moments later, Eric was still standing his hand around his cock stroking it slowly to its complete length. He was smiling down at her, that same gleam in his eyes. Watching him pull on his cock was yet another erotic experience she had never witnessed before. Slowly she slid her hand down between her legs and rubbed her cunt while watching him. Each time a finger grazed her still hard clit, she would moan.
He then stepped forward, his cock now once again at full length and hard. He grabbed her thighs where he had before and pushed her knees up until they touched her breast and walked on his knees forward until his cock brushed the lips of her cunt. Traci slipped her hand around the hard member and rubbed it across her well-lubricated womanhood. Pushing forward, Eric slid his cock into her in a steady motion until he was fully into her and his balls lightly bounced against her ass. Pulling about half way out he then pushed in again. Traci smiled up at her young lover as his cock buried itself into her, his balls bouncing against her ass with each stroke. Her willing pussy was fully lubricated.
Their lovemaking was a slow steady process, each of them savoring the feeling of their bodies connecting. Eric pushed his cock into the depths of her aching cunt and then out again in a steady rhythm until he could see his beautiful older lover once again losing control. Even with his hands under her knees and pushing down on her, she still managed to find a way to push herself into him with each stroke. Her hips would rotate slightly each time she thrust up making his hard prick touch a new spot inside her each time. His steady motion was driving her crazy with lust.
"Harder, Eric, harder please." She moaned trying to pick the tempo up. Eric didn't say a word, but her did as she asked. With each stroke he pounded into her harder than the stroke before. Traci felt her orgasm once again build within her. This time it was a series of small jolts as the young man buried his cock deep within her drenched cunt. "ohhh” She groaned when she felt his cock begin to twitch within her. The rush of her orgasm coincided with Eric's orgasm. His hot liquid shot into her, she could feel it coat her insides as her pussy melted around the pistoning love stick of her newfound friend.
As his orgasm subsided he let go of her legs and lay down across her body, his chest mashing into hers, his lips searching hers out for the first deep kiss of the day. Traci continued to push her sloshing cunt up and down his now softening cock as they embraced. Three men in one day. Was she a nymphomaniac? |
Title: 72 Hours of Lust - Part one
Tags: Fiction, Cheating, Male/Female, Wife
Introduction:
Was something missing in her marriage?
Content:
72 HOURS OF LUST
Traci watched out the window as her husband started the car waved at her then backed out for another five days on the road. They had been married twenty years next month and Howard had promised her a second honeymoon to the Bahamas. He was working twice as much lately to get all of his accounts in line before they left for the ten day tropical paradise. Since he had told her about the trip she had been working very hard to get her forty year old body into shape. She didn't want to get to the white sand beaches with the flab of a housewife drooping over the bottom of her swimsuit. All of her efforts so far had been restricted to the house in front of the television for all of the fitness shows she could find.
They had worked pretty well, she had lost ten pounds and firmed her tummy up to the point that she could stand in front of the mirror and not weep because of the middle age paunch. Now she was going to work on the love handles prodtruding from the sides of her mid-section. They weren't really that bad, but she was determined to lose them before the trip. She went upstairs to the bedroom and dropped her housecoat. Standing in front of the full length mirror, she stared critically at her naked body. Her breasts were still pretty firm, she wasn't too worried about them. They had always been the prettiest feature. Cupping her breasts with her hands she pushed them up and smiled. Yes they were still alright, she could even remember a few times younger men would give her the once over when she wore a low cut blouse.
Of course she was always with Howard, and it never ceased to make him grin when he caught one of them. "You still got it baby." He would whisper to her when they had passed. She passed her hands down across her newly flattened tummy, and smiled again. She was proud of the progress she had made. Then sliding them to her hips, she felt the slightly puffy area just above her hips. This brought a frown to her face. "Got to get rid of these love handles." She moaned to herself. Turning a slow piroutte she looked over her shoulder into the mirror. Her full well rounded buttocks were still firm also.
"Hey Traci all you got left is these damn love handles and your are definately ready to go."
Immediately she straightened up, clasped her hands behind her head and began stretching first to one side, then the other. With each stretch she could feel her side pull tight. "Only got a month." She mumbled as she kept bending from side to side. "Only got a month."
Across the big side yard, over the fence, and almost across the next yard, Bill Wadds was busy cleaning up the odds and ends parts of automobiles from the side of his garage. Over the years he had made a habit (a bad one his wife pointed out to him) of throwing old brake shoes, gaskets, carburators, and anything else he happened to be replacing, in a pile beside the garage. It was now time to clean the place up he had decided that morning, since this was the first day of his four days off from the Electrical plant. Of course his wife had helped him with that decision.
Bill was a big burly fella, just past thirty, and well muscled. He had been the high school football hero twelve years ago, and still looked like he could reek some havoc on the opposing quarterback if he had a mind too. He never was good in school so he turned down several scholarships to big universities and went to a local trade school instead. He had never wondered whether he could play college ball, he knew he could. He did know however that he probably couldn't have kept up with the constant barrage of studies. So now he was married to his high school sweetheart and very disenchanted. She had always got on to him for not trying to make more of himself. She just couldn't understand he was happy doing what he was doing, and the electrical plant paid good money.
Taking a break from his chores, Bill stood up and turned toward his neighbors house. Stretching back to stretch the tight muscles in his shoulders, his eyes widened. He looked around quickly to see if anyone was watching him, then stared into his neighbors window. Mrs. Wollby was exercising in her bedroom, with the window shades open, and naked. He didn't quite no what to do, Traci and Howard were good neighbors, but kind of stayed to themselves. He knew he shouldn't be looking at her, but he just couldn't seem to look away. She was a very good looking woman. He was amazed he could see as well as he could, each time she bent to the side, one of her breasts would tighten, the other would softly sway back and forth until she went in the opposite direction.
Bill could feel his cock begin to harden in his pants, as he stood and stared at his naked neighbor. "Maybe she knows I'm down here and shes putting on this little show for me." He told himself, as he reached down to readjust his hardened prick. That optimistic thought was answered rather quickly when Traci looked out the window and saw him. Even from the distance he was, he could see the look of horror on her face when she realized she was being watched. She quickly stepped out of the line of view of the window, Bill could feel his face flush. "Shit now she thinks I'm a damn pervert." He grumbled, turning back to the pile of old auto parts laying on the ground. Still he couldn't help but glance up one more time. The shade was pulled down. "Oh well, it made my morning a little nicer." He said to himself picking up the first of several piles of junk.
"Bill who are you talking too out there?" His wife yelled from the back window.
"No one dear, just talking to myself."
"You better stop, the neighbors will think your weird or something."
"No shit." He mumbled and went back to work.
Traci was trembling as she sat on the end of the bed. "He probably thinks I'm some sort of exhibitionist or something." She said, sitting there in a daze. "It'll probably be all over the neighborhood that I like to exercise naked in front of open windows."
She got up and went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. As she waited for the water to warm up, she glanced into the mirror, her face was still slightly flushed. She also felt a little tingle in her stomach. That little tingle started slowly moving down, she could feel it slowly make its way to the small hood covered button of her sex. She shivered. Traci was getting turned on by what had just happened, she fought the thought that something so perverse would have that kind of effect on her. She tried to block the thought from her mind, by thinking about Howard, and the trip to the tropics.
Reaching in she felt the water on her hand, opened the shower curtain and stepped in. The warm water sprayed across her chest and stomach like a thousand little fingers, the thought of Bill Wadds seeing her naked raced back into her mind. As she stood, letting the water cascade over her, she felt the urge to touch herself, like she hadn't in years. Closing her eyes tightly, as if she wouldn't know what she was about to do to herself, her hand slowly came across her stomach, down through the tangle of light brown hair and into the folds of her aching womanhood. Her finger brushed over the hood covering her clitoris, and she jumped. A low moan escaped her lips.
She slowly circled her finger around until the litttle fella popped out through its cozy confines. "Oh my," She murmured as she picked up the tempo. "Oh my." She let out a long deep sigh, then slid a second finger into the folds of her cunt and trapped her now extended love button between her two fingers. "Awwwwwwww, yes." Her fingers moved back and forth moving slowly down until she curled them and dipped them into her wet pussy. That was all it took. It had been so long since she felt anything like this. She could feel her knees weaken as her climax hit her. Her inner walls melted around her invading fingers. She reached out with her free hand to steady herself, and continued the assault on her dripping pussy until her orgasm subsided. She then slowly pulled her fingers out and opened her eyes.
It had been years since she had felt anything like that. Something inside her kept churning, her thoughts once again turned to Howard only now she was questioning their sex life. It had become routine, same old thing. The old hop on pump away for a few minutes and off, once every few weeks. Like something that just had to be done, like taking out the trash. Howard had been her only lover for the past twenty years, except for one very clumsy attempt at sex in the back seat of her first boyfriends car, Howard had been the only man she had ever been with. She didn't have anything to compare sex with Howard with, so she had always thought that was it. On and off every once in awhile. How could she miss something she never knew existed?
She didn't like what she was thinking, but she couldn't get it out of her head. At forty years old, she was wondering now if she had missed something. From the little episode in the shower she had her doubts that she had gotten all there was to get out of sex.
After her shower she laid down on the bed, and dozed off to sleep, a good nap and all of these silly notions would be gone, she decided. As she drifted off to sleep, the only thing that she thought of was the muscled young man next door.
Bill didn't see Traci again until later that afternoon. He had taken all of his junk to the dump and was driving back by his neighbors house when he saw her come out of the front door. She had on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. He wasn't sure but he didn't think she had a bra on. As he drove by, he felt his face flush once again, as he glanced at her. He smiled weakly and drove on to his drive. Getting out of the truck, he went straight in the house, his wife had left a note on the table that she had gone shopping with her sister and would be back in a few hours.
Bill walked into the back bedroom and opened the shades slightly. He couldn't really see anything except every now and again, her head would come into view along the edge of the fence. Must be working in her garden her decided, then went in and opened a beer and sat down. He sat restlessly in front of the Television for a few minutes, then decided what the hell, he couldn't stay holed up in his house from now on just because the neighbor had forgotten to close the shades to her bedroom. He got up and went into the backyard.
He walked straight to the fence where he figured she was, and peered over. Traci was busy digging the weeds from around her flowers and didn't notice him for a moment. Looking up, her stomach tightened. "Hi." She said with a little quiver in her voice. She looked back down at her flowers.
"Hi, listen Traci, I'm sorry about this morning, I wanted to apoligize, I shouldn't have been looking like that." Bill felt the tension between them grow, it was like an electrical jolt.
"I shouldn't have had my shades open like that, it was my fault." She said, stopping her digging and looking up into his handsome face. "I didn't realize they were open." Traci felt the same tension Bill did. Standing up, she felt the knot in her stomach tighten, something was going to happen and she knew as she gazed into his eyes, she wasn't going to stop it.
"Well anyway, listen, I promise I won't ever look again." He smiled.
"I promise I'll keep my shades drawn next time." She smiled back. Bill finished his beer and sat it down at his feet. "You look thirsty, can I get you a beer?" He asked.
"Ok," Traci replied. She didn't really like beer, but for some reason she didn't want this moment to end.
"Be back in a minute." Bill said turning and hustling back to the house. He picked up the five beers left in the six pack and walked back out to the fence. Traci wasn't there. He shrugged and walked to the end of the fence and around it. "Traci," he called out as he walked around the side of the house. She was sitting at the umbrella covered table on the patio. "Here I am." She said. "Sit down for a minute if you can." Bill sat down across from her and sat the beers down on the table. He opened one and handed it to her, then opened a second one for himself.
"Your flowers are sure looking good, I can't seem to get anything to grow." He said taking a swig of his beer. Traci sipped hers. She was surprised it tasted good.
"Just got to stay with them a lot." She replied taking another sip of beer. She took a deep breath, looked at her neighbor for a moment, then asked, "Bill, answer a question for me."
"Sure, what is it?"
"Do you think I have a nice body?"
Bill nearly choked on his beer, he felt his cheeks turn red, Traci's were red too. "You have a gorgeous body." He answered in complete honesty. He looked into her eyes as he spoke, he was going to feel like a fool in a moment if he was reading her wrong, then she really would think he was a pervert. He could feel his cock began to harden. Standing up he walked around the table, took Traci by the arms and stood her up.
It happened fast, Bills large strong arms circled her, and his lips crushed into her. She was taken by surprise, but didn't fight it. She felt her nipples grow taught as they burned into his massive chest. He was so totally opposite of Howard. Howard was a small man, meek. She felt his tongue push past her lips, a million emotions flooded through her all of them directed at one spot between her legs. She brought her arms up around his shoulders and kissed him back, her tongue now duelling with his. She could feel his hands sliding down her back until he grasped her ass. Forcefully he pushed his jean covered cock into her, she pushed back, unable to control any of her urges. "Oh, god." He growled as their kiss broke, and he nuzzled his face into her neck. "We shouldn't be doing this."
"I know, but it feels so good." She moaned, finding his lips again, and meeting each thrust of his cock into her. His hands released her ass and slid up her sides until he was holding her heaving breasts. He massaged her hardened nipples through her shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra.
Realizing they were standing in the back yard, Traci broke the kiss, and pushed Bill away from her. She was panting, and her face was flush. Catching her breath, she turned and walked toward the backdoor. Bill followed her through the door, into the kitchen. Traci had every intention of taking him up to the guest bedroom, Bill had different ideas. Grabbing her from behind, he pulled her back into him. His hands went up inside of her shirt and cupped her naked breasts. Her nipples extended to his touch. He nuzzled her neck biting her lightly, sending shivers down her body. His hands slid to her shorts. They were elastic around the waist so it was no trouble for him to push them over her hips.
Traci leaned back against him as he pushed them down, she closed her eyes to the racing images filling her brain. He pushed on her shoulders and she obeyed bending at the waist and leaning against the counter. Bill pushed her shorts to her knees, then knelt and pushed them to her ankles. No words were spoken as she lifted first one foot then the other, so he could get her shorts off. Then she felt something she had never felt before in her life. Bill put his hands on the inside of her thighs and spread her legs. She then felt his hot breath between her legs. Using his thumbs, he spread her wet dripping pussy, and ran his tongue through her drenched folds. On his second pass he found her clit. "Oh my god," she trembled as her whole body shook. Feeling a mans tongue on her pussy for the first time was more than she could take. She felt herself cum as he buried his tongue in her tight hot box.
Bill stood up and unbuttoned his jeans, releasing his rock hard pole. Traci glanced back and gasped. His cock was huge, much larger than Howards. It had to be at least eight inches long, and it looked as big around as her wrist. She didn't have time to object, cradling her head on her forearms, she felt his bulbous head poke into her lubricated love channel. "Your so big, easy, please I haven't ever had anything that large." She panted, as he slowly forced his cock into her. As he got it halfway in, he pulled back out and started again.
By the third time, he was buried into her. She was tighter than anyone he could ever remember fucking. Even his wife when she was a virgin. "Shit baby, your so tight, I've never felt anything quite like this." He panted as he pulled his cock back again. Traci cringed as the massive piece of meat pushed into her again. Once again she braced herself as he pulled out and plunged in again. Over and over again he fucked into her until her walls were stretched and lubricated enough to accomodate him. He then picked up the rythmn until his turgid tool was reaming her at blinding speed. He groaned and she screamed as he pounded her one last time and he felt his balls tighten, then pump stream after stream of hot gooey cum into her ravaged pussy. She shook violently when she felt his wad drench her stretched love box. She could feel every spurt spill into her, soaking her insides. Her thighs ached and her knees weakened as her second orgasm overcame her as he slowly finished fucking all of his juice and his cock began to soften.
"That was incredible." He said backing away from his sex starved neighbor. "I have never felt anything like that before in my life."
Traci couldn't move, guilt feelings washed over her suddenly. She could feel his cum oozing from her. Some dripped on the floor, some slid slowly down her thigh. Finally she straightened up and turned around. Bill was leaning against the kitchen table, his cock now shrunk to more modest proportions. He had a guilty look on his face too.
"Maybe you had better leave." Traci said in a weak voice.
"Yea, I guess so." Bill pulled his jeans up and snapped them, then turned and walked out the back door. He was in a daze, he couldn't believe what had just happened. He picked up his beer from the table on the patio and walked back around the fence. He had had a few flings during his marriage, but never with anyone his wife knew, and especially no one that lived anywhere near them. The only thing he could think of though was how incredible it was. He walked into the house and sat back down in front of the telelvision, soon he was asleep.
Traci went straight to the bathroom and ran some bathwater, her guilt about what she had just done wouldn't go away. Maybe she could soak it away. With every step she took she remembered his massive tool shoving into her. Her pussy was stretched and sore from the experience. She wondered if it would ever be normal again. She couldn't sort out what had come over her. Sitting in the hot tub of water, she closed her eyes. It was so primative, so carnal, so obscene. It had felt so good. She was realizing slowly that it wasn't what she had done that had her feeling so guilty, but instead how much she had enjoyed it. Sure it hurt when he started, she was stretched more than she had ever been stretched in her life. The lewdness of it turned her on. The suddeness of it fueled something inside of her. As she dozed off in the tub, she remembered looking back and seeing that monster for the first time, then her thoughts turned to his hot tongue licking her and how she had just melted at its touch.
As she dozed, that same feeling began to creep over her again, that had consumed her this morning. She knew she was going to do more, she had no idea what, her body tingled at the thought. |
Title: 72 Hours of Lust Part 4
Tags: Fiction, Cheating, Female/Female, Lesbian, Male/Female
Content:
Once at home, she drew a hot bath, and soaked for a long time, her pussy, she had noticed was sore, but why not, it had been used more in the last day than in the last couple of months. Each time she touched her puffy swollen womanhood, she would cringe. She definitely would have to take it easy now; there was no way she could take another man in the shape she was in. Still the thought lingered her fantasies were working overtime. Her thoughts went back to the woman at the dress shop, and the strange feeling she had when the woman cupped her breasts. What would it be like to lay with another woman? She imagined the woman lightly caressing her, kissing her. As Traci lay in the tub, the hot oily water soothing her aching body, she fought the urge to find the woman and find out. What if it hadn't been a come on? What if she were making more of the encounter than was actually there?
Pulling herself from the tub, she decided she wouldn't know until she pursued it further. Her last fling of her debauched few days, maybe.
It was almost five o'clock when she pulled back into the shopping center parking lot. She had dressed in the outfit she bought that morning, wearing the shear white blouse the woman had suggested, to tame the look just a bit. Still she felt self-conscious being dressed the way she was. Her apparel did what it was suppose to do though; it caught the attention of passerby’s, especially the men. A few of the men even winked at her, one man was even with his wife. Traci blushed slightly, but felt a nervous sense of pride well up in her. She would soon find out if the lady at the dress shop was actually coming on to her that morning or if it were just her imagination. She glanced at her watch several times, as she walked toward the mall. Her heart was beating faster with each step she took. She couldn't believe she was about to do what she was about to do.
As Traci walked through the mall she glanced around, her fear of people knowing what she was thinking surfaced again. As she neared the dress shop she slowed her pace at once wondering if this was something she really wanted to do. "To late now." She thought to herself as she got to the entrance. A young woman was at the front counter, the lady that had waited on her that morning was nowhere to be seen. A small sigh of relief escaped her lips as she looked around the store. She walked into the store and browsed a few minutes, looking at some of the more casual outfits that were displayed.
"I told you it would look nice." Traci’s heart skipped a beat as she heard the voice behind her. "The blouse tames the outfit just enough, but overall it still looks very sexy." Traci turned to face the woman. She saw what she thought was a knowing smile on the woman’s face.
"I a.a.a.a. Thought more about the bra you were telling me about, maybe I need it." She could feel her cheeks heat up as she spoke, she could tell the woman knew exactly why she was there, or at least she thought she could.
"Of course, come right back here." The woman turned and walked toward the back of the store. Traci found herself watching the woman’s ass sway underneath her skirt as she walked. Stopping abruptly, Traci nearly ran into her. "Here you go, 36c right?"
"Yes, thank you." Traci had absolutely no idea what to do next.
"Would you like to try it on, to make sure?"
"Yes, I guess I better." Traci walked toward the dressing rooms. She opened the door to the first one she came to, and then glanced back over her shoulder to the saleslady, she smiled. Wondering if that would be enough, she entered the small room and closed the door except for just a crack. She took her vest off, then her blouse. Turning away from the door, she hung each up on a hook.
"Need some help." Traci's whole body shook at the sound of the woman’s voice.
"Please." Was all she could say.
She felt the woman’s soft hands on her back, as she unclasped her bra. Reaching up, the woman slid the straps from Traci’s shoulders and her bra slid down her arms. Glancing into the mirror to the side of her, Traci could she that same smile on the woman’s face. Her breasts were free of the bra now, and the woman glanced into the mirror.
"You have such beautiful breasts." She whispered, her hands coming around Traci's sides and cupping them. "I was hoping I hadn't scared you off this morning." Her fingers lightly grazed Traci's nipples they extended almost immediately.
"I.......I've never done anything like this before." Traci moaned bringing her own hands up to trap the woman’s hands on her suddenly aching breasts.
"I know, but now that your here that is all going to change isn't it."
She pinched her nipples and squeezed her breasts as she spoke. Traci was powerless to stop her. The tingling sensations shooting through her body made her shake. "Oh god, don't stop." She murmured as the woman moved closer, pushing her cloth-covered body into Traci's back. "I want to make love to you, make you beg me to stop. I want to taste the sweetness between your legs." As she spoke the woman dropped one hand to the hem of Traci's skirt and reached underneath. The dainty panties Traci had worn was no obstacle for the woman. Her hand was buried in her hot snatch almost immediately. Traci humped her fingers groaning as first one then a second finger slid past the thin material directly into her cunt.
"I'm off now, would you like to go home with me." The woman’s hot breath was on Traci's neck; her lips lightly kissed her shoulder as she spoke. Traci couldn't answer she only nodded her acceptance. Bringing her fingers from Traci's hotbox, she raised them until they lightly traced across her lips. Traci licked the juices from her fingers then turned to face her new lover. She reached behind the woman’s head and pulled her lips to each of her nipples.
"I want you to show me how to make love to another woman, and I want to taste you to." She said breathlessly.
Five minutes later they were leaving the mall. Traci's entire body shook as she thought about the evening to come.
The woman lived in an apartment just a few blocks from the mall, the drive was short, and Traci left her car at the mall and rode with her new friend. No words were spoken until they were inside the apartment. As soon as they were through the door the woman, Marta, turned to Traci. "You are such a beautiful woman." She said stepping close to her. "I’m going to make you forget about men, for just a little while." Her voice was soft and low. Her breasts grazed Traci's as she put her arms around her. She kissed Traci, sending chills down Traci's spine. Her lips were soft and tender, her velvety tongue slid into Traci's mouth. When she broke the kiss, she stepped back and smiled. "I'm going to start a bath, make yourself comfortable." She turned as she spoke and disappeared into the bedroom. Traci stood, shaking listening to the woman lightly humming in the other room, as the water began to run.
Walking over to the couch, Traci sat down and glanced around the room. It was very well appointed, very feminine. She wondered if Marta was a lesbian, or bisexual. She wondered if it made a difference.
A few minutes later Marta returned to the living room, she had taken her clothes off and put a long robe on. Traci smiled at her when she walked around the edge of the couch. Marta smiled back, and then knelt in front of Traci. Her hands were immediately on Traci's knees, separating them as her hands slowly slid up her thighs. Traci sat quietly, letting the woman do what she wanted. Her hands were soft and gentle. She pushed the skirt up as her hands crept closer to their target. The massage the woman was giving her thighs made her breath deeper. Traci laid her head on the back of the couch and slid down just a bit. "That feels so good." She said softly. A moment later she felt Marta's hot breath on her lower thigh.
"So delicious." Marta said, looking up at her soon to be lover. Her tongue darted from between her lips, and licked the inside of Traci's thighs. Traci jumped at the first contact, then moaned as Marta's quick licking motion moved up her leg. As she kissed higher, she pushed the skirt up until Traci felt the leather fabric bunched at her mid section. Raising her head she looked down, the top of Marta's head moved slowly up as her hot breath came closer and closer to Traci's quivering vulva. The feeling of this woman’s soft velvety tongue making its way up the inside of her thigh made Traci squirm with anticipation. She wanted so badly to put her hands on Marta's head and hurry her to the destination she was seeking.
As suddenly as she started she stopped, Traci looked down between her legs. Marta was sitting up smiling at her new friend.
"My bath." She said softly, standing up and once again disappearing into the bedroom. Traci let out a deep sigh of desperation, Marta had given her just enough of a taste of what was to come, and she now waited impatiently. Standing she walked into the bedroom, then to the door of the bath just as Marta was dropping her robe. Her breasts were larger than Traci's with more of sag. Her waist was small then flared into full womanly hips. Traci didn't wait for an invitation; she stepped into the bathroom directly in front of Marta, and raised both of her hands, cupping her naked breasts. Marta smiled as she felt the inexperienced hands gently pinch her nipples. She brought her own hands up and trapped Traci's hands.
"Let me take my bath, hon. then we will play." She said.
Traci didn't speak; she just dropped her hands to her side and watched Marta step into the tub. The bubble bath enveloped the woman as she slid down into the hot water. Traci leaned against the doorway and watched as Marta soaped herself under the water. Laying her head against the back of the tub she ran the soft washcloth between her legs. Traci could tell when the fabric came in contact with the woman’s clitoris. A light moan escaped her lips. Watching Marta bathe was an intoxicating sight. Her hands knowingly touched each sensitive part of her body adding to the eroticism of the moment.
Traci could wait no longer, once again standing up and moving to the middle of the small bathroom, she began to disrobe. Her action didn't go unnoticed. Marta turned slightly and watched her soon to be lover undress. Slowly Traci unbuttoned her vest and let it slide to the floor. Her eyes locked on Marta's so she could see each reaction as her body came into view. Unbuttoning her blouse, she tugged it from the waistband of her skirt. Letting it fall to the floor on top of her vest, she then reached behind her and unclasped her bra. Shrugging her shoulders slightly the bra slipped down her arms exposing her breasts. Her nipples were hard as they came into view.
The side zipper of the skirt was easy to find, while still watching Marta watch her. As the skirt slipped to the floor Traci now was standing in only her transparent panties. The wetness Marta had created earlier between her legs saturated the flimsy material between her legs. Traci smiled, then turned around to slip the panties down. Her thumbs hooked the sides of the thin material and slowly pushed it over her hips. Bending at the waist she slipped her panties down past her knees. She didn't have time to straighten back up before she felt Marta’s hands on her ass.
Separating her asscheeks, Marta who was now on her knees in the tub, her breasts hanging over the edge of the tub flicked her tongue across the pouty waiting pussy lips before her. Traci immediately pushed back onto the darting tongue, screaming as she did. Her hips began gyrating, as Marta tasted more and more of her. Marta's tongue lashed across her exposed cunt, licking the juices that lightly coated her lips. Her tongue darted across Traci's clitoris, then around the outer edges of her puffy lips. It was at that moment that Traci felt the rush of her first orgasm. A light moan escaped her lips. Marta's tongue didn't only explore her sensitive nether region; it also made a pass up across her puckered asshole. The sensation was exhilarating, Traci pushed back once again as Marta's tongue slid back across her rear opening. Traci once again groaned, and grabbed the sink in front of her to stabilize herself.
A quickly as the assault began it ended. Traci waited a moment then stood up, on unsteady legs. Turning she stared down at the woman in the tub, her eyes were glazed with lust. She stepped forward, watching as Marta made room for her in the large tub. Stepping in, the hot oily water felt soothing. Traci sat down slowly feeling the water engulf her body. Once completely in the tub, on her knees, she leaned forward steadying herself with her hands on either side of Marta’s shoulders. Marta's eyes were almost closed as she anticipated the feel of Traci's breasts caressing hers. Their breasts touched, nipple-to-nipple, a moment later, Traci's lips covered her new lovers. The kiss was long and sensual, as each of their tongues dueled the other.
Traci was on fire, and she knew Marta felt the same way, from the deep heaving of her breasts. Their nipples hardened against each other’s as the kiss continued. She could feel Marta's hands searching beneath her for her cunt. She let her legs part as far as possible to give her access. The passion of the moment was overwhelming. Traci knew she had done the right thing making her trip to the mall; this evening was going to be the most erotic she had ever experienced, and she was ready.
"You are so hot, Traci." Marta said, panting, as the kiss ended. Their lips only inches apart. "And so eager to learn." Traci didn't answer; instead she brought her lips once again to Marta's as the woman’s hands found their target. A finger from each hand slid between the folds of her cunt each bumping her swollen love button. After tracing the entire length of her waiting gash, she brought both fingers back to the hardened clit. Traci nearly bucked out of the water when the fingers each began massaging her. It was like Marta had trapped a small prick between her fingers and was jacking it off.
"Oh god, don't stop, please don't stop." She moaned as she rotated her hips to the motion of the fingers on her extended button. She could feel another orgasm begin within her, Marta continuing her massage.
Their lips met a third time as Traci shook and came yet again. Her knees slid slowly back as her orgasm subsided, her head coming to rest on her lover’s chest. Opening her eyes, she moved slightly to lick the hardened nipple that danced just above the water in front of her. Sucking the nipple into her mouth, made Marta heave her chest up, Traci's lips tightened around the hard bud. Her tongue darted over the nipple in light quick motions making it grow harder. Even sucking another woman’s breast had an effect on Traci. A warm confident feeling washed over her.
Traci moved one hand slowly under the water until she touched Marta's upper thigh. Rubbing in a slow steady motion, she raised her hand with each small circle she made, until her hand bumped into her womanhood. Not losing contact with the nipple she sucked, she explored for the first time another woman’s pussy. Finding Marta's clitoris wasn't hard. From the feel of the hardened little member it stood out at least an inch from the normal confines of her full lips.
As the finger bumped across it Marta moaned, lifting her hips slightly trying to get a little more contact. The hot oily water made her entire cunt slick to the touch. Traci slipped a finger into her; she was amazed at the sudden difference in temperature, from the hot water to the inside of Marta's pussy. She slid her finger in until her hand was flat against Marta's aching cunt she then wiggled her finger. Her lover moved her hips more urgently. Traci let the nipple escape her lips and moved up slightly to lick and kiss Marta's neck.
Pulling her finger out, she slid two back in. Marta's cunt willing accepted both. "You are a very fast learner, hon.,” Marta moaned rubbing Traci's back as she spoke. "It's time to move to the bedroom." The suggestion was made, and Traci was ready. She immediately pulled her fingers from Marta's hot pussy, and stood up. Stepping from the tub she looked around for a towel. "In the door to the side of the medicine chest." Marta directed her.
Stepping to the door, she opened it and pulled out a large towel, then turned around, lightly patting her body so she could watch her new friend get out of the tub. Marta stood up; her nipples still erect and stepped from the tub. Traci was standing directly in front of the linen closet. Marta made no effort to move her instead she stepped up to Traci and pushed her back into the closed door gently. Her body moved into Traci's so once again their nipples crushed together as did their lips. Each woman’s arms went around the other in a passionate embrace; the towel Traci was using was trapped between their midsections. Traci's hands explored Marta's backside as the deep sensual kiss continued. She lightly rubbed her asscheeks, and then pulled Marta into her.
Marta's hands took Traci's wrists and pulled her arms above her head, pinning them to the door. The movement made the towel slide to the floor and once again the two women’s bodies melted together, their breasts crushed fully into one another. Marta then lowered Traci's arms, taking one hand she lead her out of the bathroom and to the bedroom. She let Traci walk by her toward the bed. Lightly pushing her onto the bed on her stomach, Marta immediately lay down on top of her so she couldn't turn over. Working herself to a sitting position, her damp pussy sitting squarely on Traci's ass, she began to massage her back.
"We have to take it slowly, baby, make it last all evening, let you feel all of the wonderful new things you are about to learn." Marta's voice was soft and sensual as she spoke. Her hands expertly massaged Traci's shoulders and neck, relaxing her. She closed her eyes and let the woman on top of her take over. She was the teacher and Traci the student. Her hands worked wonders on her tensed shoulders. She hadn't realized just how tense she was, until her body started to relax.
Marta bent and kissed Traci lightly on the neck, her breasts lightly grazing her back as she did. She straightened back up and worked her hands down Traci's back slowly, rubbing all of the tension from her as she went. Scooting herself back, she rubbed the lower back, then her asscheeks. Sliding off of Traci's legs, she then massaged across her asscheeks and to her upper thighs, first one leg and then the other. Her soft powerful hands had Traci wondering if she would even be able to move once the massage was finished.
Finally when she had finished, Marta once again straddled Traci's legs and bent over her. Traci could feel the hard nipples of her lover sliding across her back. Marta's tongue flicked out and lightly licked across the base of Traci's neck. Her tongue then followed a slow steady path down her spine. The feeling was intense as the woman’s tongue continued a slow path toward her ass. Traci moaned as she felt Marta's hands on her cheeks, kneading them as her tongue danced lightly across her back. When her tongue finally reached the base of Traci's spine, she could feel Marta pulling her asscheeks apart. Her tongue then slowly made its way through the crack.
Traci was suddenly on fire again as Marta flicked her tongue just above her asshole. She shuddered and came when it first gently probed her back opening. Marta stabbed several times at the tight back opening before burying her face into Traci's ass and stabbing her tongue into her ass. The tight outer ring gave way to the sensation immediately, Traci shoving her ass lewdly onto the invading tongue moaned once again. The sensation of this woman sticking her tongue into such a forbidden place only heightened Traci's arousal. Traci could feel her juices spilling from her cunt onto the soft bedspread as Marta continued her assault on her backside.
Finally she moved from Traci's ass, her tongue licking the soft tender membrane between her pussy and ass. At this point Marta stopped for a moment and repositioned Traci so she was on her knees, with her in between. Her tongue immediately stabbed into Traci's drenched cunt, sending yet one more orgasm coursing through her body. Traci hunched back on the hot wet tongue that licked deeply into her. Her body convulsed as her throbbing cunt spent her juices on her lovers tongue. She continued to rock back and forth on her hands and knees as Marta licked and sucked her orgasmic release.
When Marta backed away from her, Traci lay back down on her stomach for a moment she could feel the warm flush of her cheeks. Rolling over she looked up at the beautiful woman. Her nipples were taut as she stared down at Traci, that same knowing smile on her face. Being the beginner, Traci laid quietly until Marta moved. Once again she straddled Traci, only this time she slowly began to walk herself on her knees toward her willing mates waiting tongue. As she moved across Traci's breasts, she could feel the woman’s damp juices coating her nipples. On impulse she thrust upward, her breasts pushing into warm wet gash.
Marta sat down on her heaving breasts and wiggled her cunt until one of Traci's hard nipples rubbed across her swollen love button. Both women moaned at the contact. Rising up she once again moved toward the waiting mouth of her new lover. Traci wiggled her tongue when she thought Marta was close enough, raising her head she met the object of her sudden desire halfway. Licking into the hairy snatch she tasted her first pussy. It drove her immediately into a frenzy to taste more. Her tongue dashed into the open gash one more time before Marta was fully on top of her mouth. Once there she settled down on the anxious tongue. Traci clamped her mouth over the opening and pushed her tongue as deeply into the well-lubricated channel as she could. Her hands came up and caressed the woman’s buttocks as she devoured the tasty treat she was being given.
Marta moaned as Traci licked and stabbed her dripping cunt. She came hard when Traci locked her lips on the swollen bud of her lust. She could feel her juices leaking onto the chin and neck of her lust filled friend. As her orgasm subsided Marta tumbled to the side, Traci followed her. She couldn't get enough of the wonderful taste of the other woman’s wet pussy. Crawling between Marta's legs she continued the oral assault, both of her hands were now on the woman’s ass lifting her to her waiting mouth. Marta once again stirred to the touch of the inexperienced but insatiable tongue of her new lover.
Her juices flowed from her cunt, down through the crack of her ass as Traci kept licking her. As she grabbed more of the woman’s ass for more urgent leverage, her thumb bumped into Marta’s tight back opening. Marta immediately jumped; she looked down her body and her eyes made contact with Traci's. With one hand she reached down and held Traci's mouth in place on her pulsating clit.
"Oh baby,” she moaned, "your doing such a good job, do more." Traci kept her mouth on her pussy and looked at her lover for directions. "Rub my asshole, honey. Work your fingers all around my asshole."
Traci immediately ran her thumb back across the puckered back opening she had touched a few seconds before. Marta's juices had saturated the entire crack of her ass, so there was more than enough lubrication. As Traci rubbed her thumb on the rubbery back passage, she felt the tight outer ring give way. Looking back up at her lover, Marta only nodded. Traci's thumb popped into the tight back passage and Marta immediately went berserk. Her hips bucked up against Traci's mouth with renewed urgency as Traci slid her thumb deep into Marta's receptive butt. Marta came almost instantly as she felt the thumb burrows its way deeper into her forbidden backside. She continued to buck against the eager lips of her lesbian lover as she fucked herself more furiously on the invading digit in her ass.
As she came down from her ferocious orgasm, Traci pulled her thumb from the tight sheath it had just been and sat up between Marta's legs. "How did I do?" She asked with a prideful smile on her face.
"You are the best I have ever had, darling." Marla moaned, reaching up and pulling Traci down to her. They fell asleep that way, nestled in each other’s arms. Traci only vaguely remembered Howard was supposed to call her that evening. She would just tell him she had gone to a movie, with a new girlfriend.
Traci got home that night about midnight. The phone was ringing when she walked in the door. She rushed and picked it up.
"Hello." She said, knowing full well it was Howard and he was probably sick with worry.
"Traci, where have you been?" His voice was at once worried and a little relieved to hear her voice.
"Howard, I'm sorry, I went to a movie, then stopped and got something to eat. I forgot you said you were going to call until I was just about finished eating." She thought she sounded convincing.
"Scared the hell out of me, honey, I thought something happened to you." Something did, Traci thought to herself and smiled.
"I'm ok, hon., the movie wasn't all that great anyway." Once again she smiled. "But what I had to eat was wonderful."
"Listen, I talked to Mr. Buffington this evening, told him about the cruise. He said it sounded great and thought maybe he and his wife would join us if it was alright with you." Howard hadn't even asked what she had eaten. "Said that it might be a good time to talk to me about a few things, what do you think."
Having the boss of the company along on their second honeymoon didn't sound overly appealing to Traci, but what could she say. "Sure honey, I guess so." Howard didn't even seem to notice the disappointment in her voice.
"Great, we'll have a good time. I got to go now, I'll call tomorrow night."
"Call late, Marta and I are going shopping tomorrow evening." Traci said quickly, a little upset that Howard hadn't picked up on her reluctant tone.
"Marta, who's Marta?"
"Oh she's a friend I met awhile back, she has a little boutique in the Mall."
"Oh, ok, when do you think, about ten or so?"
"Sure, talk to you tomorrow night."
"Love you."
"Love you too." Traci hung up the phone and lay back on the couch. She had no plans with Marta for the next night, but she had ideas that something else might happen. If they didn't fine but if they did, she wanted plenty of time to explore them fully. After all she seemed to be on a newfound quest. What it was she wasn't exactly sure, but still it was a quest.
She slept soundly that night, her mind racing with all that had happened to her in the past day and a half, interspersed with what may happen tomorrow. The feelings of guilt she had experienced the first night were nowhere to be found tonight, only fond recollections of the experiences.
Traci awoke early, she always did. She took a quick shower threw on her bathrobe and went downstairs to fix a little breakfast. She glanced at the clock; it was a little past seven. She put the coffee on, fixed herself a bowl of cereal and glanced out the kitchen window to see what was going on in the neighborhood. It was mostly the same old thing that went on every morning. Gus from across the street came out of his house about seven-ten and headed to work. About ten minutes later Gus' wife and their two children came out and got in the car so she could drive them to school. She wore a robe similar to the one Traci had on. Traci had to admit that she definitely looked better in it than Gus' wife.
At seven-forty five Bill Wadds pulled into his drive, Traci watched him as he went straight into the house. He must have been on the midnight shift this month. Five minutes later Sherry Wadds came out of the house and got in her car and headed to work. She was a secretary at the bank. Traci washed her bowl, and sat it in the strainer to dry, and poured herself a third cup of coffee. She sat down at the kitchen table. For the first time in a couple of days she actually begin to think about the trip again that she had so been looking forward too. And she thought about Howard’s boss coming along.
"Damnit." She murmured to herself.
It was a few minutes after eight when the phone rang. Who would be calling this early in the morning? "Hello." She said holding the phone on her shoulder while she poured another cup of coffee.
"Traci,” A sudden chill went through her when she heard the mans voice. The chill this time though didn't end up a knot in her stomach, it went straight to her over active womanhood.
"Bill, hi." She said softly.
"Listen, Traci I just called to check on you, I hadn't seen you since the other day and I wanted to make sure you were alright." Bill's voice was a little anxious as he spoke.
"I'm fine, how about you?"
"I'm great, hey I got a great idea, how about a cup of coffee?"
"I just started a fresh pot." Traci glanced down at the empty pot.
"Ok, I'll be over in a few, want me to bring some donuts."
"I just ate, got to watch my figure you know."
"Yea me too, watch your figure I mean." He laughed nervously at his little joke, wondering as soon as he said it if he should have. Traci's uncontrollable body quivered at the mention of it. "See you in a minute." She dropped the receiver in the cradle and started a fresh pot of coffee.
Bill came around the back way and knocked on the door once before opening it. Traci was sitting at the table sipping the last of her coffee, pretending to read the newspaper. "Hey." He said walking into the kitchen.
"Hi, the coffee's almost ready." Traci looked up at him and smiled. His hair was still wet from his shower. He was wearing a t-shirt that was about a size too small, and a pair of jogging shorts. Traci could make out the outline of his cock through the material. She marveled at his powerful upper body. He was about thirty she guessed and still had his rock hard body she remembered him having when they first moved in about five years ago.
"So your working the midnight shifts this month?" She asked getting up to fill her cup and get her visitor one.
"Yea, just started it two days ago, takes about a week before you get adjusted to it." Traci could feel his eyes staring at the back of her as she poured his coffee. She glanced down before turning around to see just how loose her robe was. The swell of her breasts had pushed the thick terry cloth apart somewhat, just enough for him to catch a glimpse of their inside roundness. She knew also he would be able to see down the front of it when she bent to set his coffee down. Her entire body warmed to the thought.
All pretense of being coy went out the window when she turned around. She smiled at her hunky friend as she walked back over to the table. Her thoughts were entirely on wanting to enjoy the massive piece of meat between his legs this morning. "So, Sherry's off to work this morning already?" She asked knowing full well the answer.
"Yea, she left a little bit ago." Bill noticed that while the electric tension that was present a few days before were still there, neither of them seemed uncomfortable with the situation, or at least not like they were in the backyard. He made no veiled effort not to look down the front of her robe as she bent to set his coffee in front of him. Instead he reached up and slid one hand inside the puffed open material. His hand immediately found her hard nipple and he rubbed it, staring deeply into her eyes as he did. She let him feel her for a moment, then straightened up and sat down across from him.
She could feel her cheeks flush with lust. As she sat down, the robe separated a little further. Partly because of the way she sat, partly because of her heavy breathing.
"So you didn't just come over because I make a great cup of coffee, did you?" She teased.
"That too." He replied, leaning forward just a bit. His eyes were smoldering with desire and Traci wondered if they would make it any further than the kitchen table this morning. He sipped his coffee and watched Traci move to the side just a bit. The movement opened her robe almost completely. She could feel her hard nipples scraping the edge of the open robe.
"Just sitting there you make me hot." She said in a low voice. "I want to crawl over the table and eat you up." She had not idea where the dialog was coming from, but she was speaking the truth.
"My but we've come along way in just a few days haven't we." Bill said, the sudden sureness in his voice very noticeable.
"So what do you think we should do about it?" Traci sipped her coffee, but made no move.
"Well I suppose I could take you right here on the kitchen table, or I could take you upstairs and lay you on the bed and devour you." Traci watched his movements as he spoke. She was enjoying the conversation.
"And tell me Bill, if you take me on the table, what exactly will you do to me." She grinned at him, reaching up she untied the knot in the rope belt that held the robe together. He smiled, still not moving; he looked at her as her naked torso came into view.
"Well for starters, I think I would suck on those delicious tits, nibble on your nipples until your panting uncontrollably. Then I would slowly lick down your stomach, kiss your navel, and lick through your pubic hair." He paused staring at her, watching her breasts heave with each ragged breath she took. She stared back at him. "Then I'd find that hard little clit of yours, I know you have hidden in your wet pussy. I'd suck it, lick it, nibble it until you came on my tongue."
"Oh my." Traci moaned, her hand slipping between her legs. "What then, what would you do then?" She panted, wanting to hear the rest of the story.
"I'd pull you from the table, sit you back in the chair and fuck your tits until I came all over your chest." Bill squirmed in his seat as he spoke. He watched her playing with herself, his eyes focused on her swaying breasts. She stopped abruptly and stood up, letting her robe slip from her shoulders. She stood before him naked, knowing full well he could see the slickness between her legs. She walked around the table moved his coffee cup and sat down on the edge of it. Putting a foot on each of his legs, she spread herself for him and once again ran her fingers through her saturated love hole.
"Do it." She said, one finger disappearing into her pussy.
Bill stood up and Traci lay back on the table, her legs dangling over the side. She could see the head of his massive tool sticking out of the top of his shorts. Bending over he sucked one stiff nipple into his mouth, swathing it with his tongue as he did. He then bit down lightly on it, Traci shivered as she felt his hands on her waist. He then licked across her chest until his mouth found the other nipple and he repeated the process. Traci arched her back to get more of her tit surrounded by his talented mouth. She moaned as she felt him lick beneath first one, then the other of her heavy breasts.
His tongue licked a slow painful trail down across her ribcage and tummy until it darted into her tender navel. She jumped when she felt the wet slippery tongue dig into her bellybutton. He then continued his journey down across her abdomen until his tongue danced through her thick patch of pubic hair. It wasn't a moment later that he found exactly what he was in search of. His lips locked on her swollen, hard love button and he sucked it into his mouth. His tongue tickled across the extended morsel of her lust. She bucked herself into his mouth as she felt the tell tale signs of her orgasm rush through her body. Moaning loudly, she reached down and trapped his head with her hands as she hunched uncontrollably on his waiting mouth, depositing the juices of her orgasm on his tongue.
As her spasms subsided, she let go of his head and he stood up, taking her hands as he did, he helped her from the table and into the chair he had been sitting in. With one swift move his dropped his shorts to his ankles and kicked them off. He then peeled his t-shirt off and stepped forward with his hard rod pointing straight to her lips. Traci flicked her tongue across the tip, tasting his pre-cum juices, then opening her mouth and taking the huge bulbous head between her lips. Her lips were stretched just getting the head of his cock in her mouth; still she savored the taste of the third cock she had sucked in the past two days.
He let her suck him for a few moments before pulling from her mouth and pushing her further into the chair. Straddling her legs he bent slightly and placed his rock hard member between her tits. Instinctively Traci pushed her arms together trapping the massive piece of flesh between her soft full breasts. "Oh god Bill that feels so good, your cock is so hot." She moaned, throwing her head back as he began to fuck his cock between her tits. For some reason she didn't know why she could feel a mild orgasm building once again between her legs.
Each time his cock pushed through her tits it would bump just under her chin. Looking down, she found out as it came up through she could lick the tip before he drew it back down into her channel. Her first titty fuck ever and she was really enjoying it. Her pussy quivered each time his hot rod made its way through her pre cum slick tunnel. "Ohhhhhhhh.......I think your going to make me cum this way." She moaned between licks. With each pass through now, Bill pushed a little higher do his cock head pushed just past her lips. Traci struggled to suck more of the huge slick head into her eager mouth.
Bills powerful strokes had him working on his own orgasm as he grasped the sides of her head as he fucked her tits.
"You definitely have the most fuckable tits I have ever seen, they are perfect." He growled as Traci relaxed her arms a moment before pushing them together again. "Have you ever felt cum shooting onto your chest?" He moaned.
"No." She answered when his head popped from her mouth. "But I want to now." By the way her arms were pressed together it put both her hands at her quivering quim. She pulled her lips apart with her two middle fingers, and then lightly rubbed her swollen clit with her index finger.
"Oh, baby..." Was the only warning she got from Bill as halfway through her tits on an upstroke his cock erupted, the hot sticky cream covering her tits sent a shiver through her that triggered her own orgasm. With his second stroke up, his cum soaked her upper chest and neck. He held her head in position so the third shot hit directly on her lips. As his orgasm subsided he pushed his cock into her mouth so the last few drops trickled onto her tongue. She swallowed it with whorish delight, then as he pulled his cock from her mouth she licked the cum from her lips.
Bill backed away from her, leaned against the table. He looked at his beautiful neighbor and smiled. She reached up and rubbed her sticky juices into her chest and tits, then smiled at him.
"Something new for the diary." She giggled, bringing her cum soaked fingers to her mouth and licking them. "I hope you don't have to go home just yet?" She asked, hopefully.
"Hey, I got all morning, you want more." He pushed himself up and stepped forward, so Traci could suck his now soft cock. She didn't have near as much trouble sucking it in this state as she had a few minutes before. She had already grown to love the feel of the soft texture of a hard cock on her tongue. She knew now she would never be able to go back to the way things were only a few days before. Somehow she would have to be able to taste the forbidden fruits of lust more often. What she really hoped was it would be with her husband, but she had her doubts.
Traci lay in the tub soaking the morning’s encounter off of her, she moved slowly as the oil slick water soothed her. She had taken Bill upstairs so they could take it slowly, though Bill was not one you would put in the tender lovemaking category. It had started out slowly, her sucking his cock to full size once again, then licking his balls. It seemed that once Bill was too a certain point, he had to have his cock working to unload. Such was the case that morning. He had pulled her up across his stomach and she sat down on his hard prick. She slipped down on him and rode his cock as best she could. His size made it uncomfortable for her to sit fully on him. Still she worked on him until he finally rolled her to the side, then on top of her.
He then grabbed her ankles and spread her wide as he slipped his cock deeply into her. From this angle she could take him all comfortably. He fucked her hard until his second load spilled from his cock, not nearly as heavy as the first, but still enough to fill her hot cunt. They lay together for a few minutes, and then he decided he should go, promising to come back sometime, when her husband was gone again.
Traci lingered in the tub, her mind thinking back on all she had done in the past two days. There was part of her that told her she would regret all that had happened, the overwhelming thoughts though were that she not only wouldn't regret what she had done but that she wanted more. Bill had worked her over pretty well, his big cock stretching her tight pussy deliciously. He hadn't totally satisfied her though. She tried to focus on what exactly it was that she would need to fulfill the constant desire that burned within her. As she thought, her hands went to her hot love box. Sliding a finger across her clitoris made her moan. Whatever it was, she hadn't experienced it yet.
Pulling herself from the tub, she toweled off, then went to her closet to decide what she would wear that day as she went in search of her desires. |
Title: $75.00 Worth
Tags: Fiction, Erotica, Prostitution
Introduction:
A man tries a prostitute for no-strings sex.
Content:
$75.00 Worth
By Master_Vyle
He had picked out the one he though looked the best out of the small group gathered at the corner under the glow of the streetlight. She was slim, with blonde springy curls, dressed in a long sleeved red top that was open at the neck to reveal plenty of shoulder and a short white skirt. She was maybe 24 or 25, not too old and not too young. When he had motioned for her to come up to the passenger window of his car she had approached with the confidence that told him that she had no doubt that he was signaling for her.
They had talked quickly and it was simple. For $75.00 she was available for as long as he wanted up to an hour. No menu of services and no separate prices. Just $75.00 dollars for whatever he needed to get off as long as it was straight, one on one, no handcuffs, cum wherever you want. Kissing was also okay if he wanted. “This ain’t Pretty Woman you’re dealing with,” she had said, flashing a casual smile and laughing.
She directed him to a good place to park around the corner and she followed along on the sidewalk, waiting for him to get out so she could escort him up to her room in the building she was standing in front of. He was surprised at how easy it all was. It was not like he needed to do this. Women had never been a problem. It was just that he had always been curious about trying it. He had always wondered how it would be to be with someone who had no expectations of true enjoyment. $75.00 did not seem like a steep price just for a try.
“Come on up and get your $75.00 worth,” she told him with a wink.
He smiled back, then followed her into the building. Stepping behind her through the door he found himself in a stairwell. She started up the steps, not looking back, showing her confidence that he would follow. Once she was ahead seven or so steps he took his first, noting that she was wearing plain white panties under her skirt. She was definitely no frills.
The apartment was small, almost a little hotel room. They stepped through a kitchenette that lead to the living area which contained a bed, a small sofa, a dresser which an old rabbit ear TV on it, and a beaten up looking dressing table with a vanity mirror. There was another door around the corner from the kitchen area. It was closed, but it was no doubt the bathroom.
He took out his wallet and gave her the money, a fifty, a twenty and a five. Now they could get started.
“How do you want it?,” she asked.
He remembered the simple ground rules. For the most part it was easy. Again just straight sex. Since he was alone then there would be no complication there. She did not let anyone go down on her either, especially if they had already got off. She claimed that was too creepy, and he had no problem because he wanted this to be something were he was not expected to perform spectacularly. He also could not pretend that she was a little girl or his daughter. If he had those thoughts she had said to keep them in his head. He didn’t of course. He just wanted to try paying, just to see what it was really like.
“Against the wall,” he told her, indicating the space beside the only window in the room.
“Um, front or back?,” she asked.
“The back.”
“You gonna put it in my ass or my cunt?”
“Your pussy.”
She stepped to the wall and stretched her arms up, placing the palms on its surface. “Like this?”, she questioned, glancing back over her shoulder.
His blood was starting to get going. He was getting a little excited now. He really was going to do this. “Yes, that’s the way.”
She turned and looked back to him, slightly sagging against the wall. She cracked a smile, perhaps trying to look a little seductive or sexy. “You want me to get all the way naked?” She slid her feet apart, slipping down slightly more.
“Just your panties.”
With a sly smile she stuck the tip of her tongue out and slightly licked the top corner of her painted lips. Looking dead at him she squatted lower, bending her knees halfway. Then she held the hem of her skirt with her left hand as she reached up it with the right. After a little tugging and pulling the white cotton garment appeared past the hem of her skirt. Still holding her panties she rose back up, expertly pulling them down at the same time. She stepped one foot out, leaving her black flat on. Then she stepped her right foot out as she dipped down. She held her panties up for a second, then tossed them to the dresser where they landed, slightly hanging off the front left corner.
He was hard now, fully hard. Reaching down he rubbed his pulsing dick through his pants.
She beaconed him over to her. “No need to be shy now.”
He took the few steps across the room to reach her. His heart was pounding. In his temples as well as his cock he could feel a hard and steady beat. This was exciting.
“You want to kiss?”
He shook his head.
She reached out and grabbed the front of his pants, pulling his belt out she worked to get it undone. She looked to him with deep green eyes that looked as if they were taking his every action in so she could process them and figure out who and what he was. Next she unhooked the clasp of his pants and pulled the zipper down. “You want me to blow you?”
He shook his head again.
Again she cracked a slight smile. “However you want it. It’s your money.”
She pulled his pants down, then kneeling in the small space between them she worked his underwear down. She made a pleased sounding noise in her throat as she admired his hard cock. As she worked herself back up she let her fingertips lightly brush his balls, then the length of his shaft.
Once she was standing fully erect he gave her a slight push on her stomach, wordlessly urging her to turn around. She turned around and placed her hands on the wall as she had demonstrated to him before. He put his hands on her warm shoulder and then felt his way down. She let out a little gasp as he rubbed her breast through her clothes, feeling the fabric of her shirt grate slightly against the stiffer fabric of her bra. Standing against her he cupped her slim and soft belly. Creeping down below he slipped his hands under the hem of her shirt feeling soft and warm skin. Going past her stomach he continued to feel nothing but bare skin. She was shaved!
He paused, letting go and stepping back. She remained silently standing with her hands on the wall as he worked to pop his right shoe off. Then he held the cuff of his pants leg with his left foot to work them off of his right leg. Once his leg was free he moved back up to her and spaced his feet a little further apart as he was now free to do so.
Again she made a sound as he pressed closer. He reached between them and put his hands on her ass. Then he used them to raise her skirt up. She thrust her ass out in the space, pushing him back and putting herself at a level where he would have easier access.
It was time now. He was rock hard, and the little things she had done to help him along had only served to make him harder. Yes, there was something exciting about doing this and knowing there were no expectations. There would be no worrying over disappointment. There would be no nagging or loving and playful talk. He didn’t even have to work to draw things out if he didn’t want to. It was just $75.00 changing hands, some sex, and then he was free, left with no worries or regrets.
He reached between them and took his hardness in hand. He gave himself a couple of strokes as she gently tried to rub her ass against him. Then he rubbed the head against her moist and bare lips and with a squat and a thrust he had pushed it in. She made a little moan, which he was unsure if it was real or fake, arching her back and pushing her ass back slightly to take a little more inside. Then he took her waist and pushed himself up to slide the rest of the way into her sticky and steamy pussy.
Now he worked to get into a rhythm. He kept a hand on her waist while he reached around with the other and reached up her shirt to rub her soft belly, occasionally feeling up to grope at the lacy and rough fabric of her bra. She gasped and panted as he pumped her and every now and then made a moan or coo. Other than this and his own breathing the room was silent, and when he realized this in the back of his mind it lent an eerie quality to the experience.
Whether her sounds were actually practiced and calculated or not he got the impression that she really did get into her work and even enjoy it sometimes. After a little while she began to work with him as he thrust her, rotating her hips and grinding her ass against him to encourage him on. It was okay if she did cum, it was not that he didn’t want her to, he just did not want to be expected to.
“Oh, man you’re pretty good,” she gasped, arching her back a little so that her sweaty cheek rubbed against his waist. She made no attempt to kiss him the way a girlfriend in a similar position no doubt would.
He supposed that when she had asked about kissing before and he had said no that she assumed it meant for the whole time. That was okay, too.
“Yeah,” he sighed, panting. It was his first word since they had started. His balls ached and there was the sensation of pulling from the pit of his stomach. He knew he was going to cum soon. Having no real need to hold back he pushed her against the wall, putting a forearm against her curl covered head and pressing the side of her face against the wall.
“Ah, umm,” she sighed, sounding almost casual about it. She did break into a sweat after a moment though, the skin of her cheek became cool against his pressing arm. “That’s it. Bang my cunt.”
He really did not need any more encouragement. He thrust a little harder, driving himself home. Then with a growl he let go and spurted into her pussy. He panted, groaned, thrust a few more times and then felt the head of his dick swell as he squeezed out a heavier burst. It was followed several thrusts later by the third, just as strong as the first. Immediately that was followed by a fourth, weaker and waning.
After a moment he stopped moving. They both stood, sweating and panting against the wall. He realized that she was in the process of having a light orgasm of her own. Her dank and sticky pussy spasmed lightly. It was not very hard, but with his dick getting softer now that he had spent his cum it was steadily pushing him out. He pressed against her to make it last a little longer. Then after another couple of minutes he felt the head pop out from between her lips.
“Ummm,” she cooed as he relaxed his arm against her head. “That was nice.”
He let go and backed away, stooping to straighten out his pants leg to put his leg back in it.
She slowly turned and looked to him, her face was sweaty and flushed. A big grin spread across her painted lips and her eyes stared at him with hunger. “You know you still have plenty of time left.”
Pulling his pants on he nodded. “I know.” He zipped and buckled. Then he sat down on the edge of her bed to put his shoe back on.
She leaned against the wall, hiking her skirt up. Standing with her knees apart her bare pussy looked stark and open. There was a drop of his semen slowly beginning to grow in the corner of one of the folds. Suggestively she rubbed the top of her mons. “If you’re sure.”
“Yeah, it’s okay,” he told her.
She let go of her skirt and straightened herself up taking a step off the wall. This movement was enough to make her skirt drop down enough to cover her pussy. “It’s your money.” Her actions said that she wanted more, but she gave off the impression that it was no big deal if she did not get any. For the money there were no expectations on her part, one of the things he understood made it a worthwhile experience.
“I’ll go now,” he told her, rising.
She smiled. “Okay. Thank you for your business.”
Now he found he could not help but pause and give her a smile of his own. “Thank you for your services.”
“My pleasure,” she said with a wink. “Be sure to cum again.”
His smile stretched wider. In the beginning he was not sure if he would have the courage to even make an attempt to try. But now that he had he could see the appeal. He felt sure he would do it again. Probably not with her, but he was sure, definitely with someone, sometime.
THE END |
Title: 7Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Tags: Fantasy, Fan fiction
Content:
Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Chapter Seven
Disclamer: Not mine, I own nothing. I'm not making any money
WARNING: Harsh Language, adult themes, sexual situations (i.e. smut), bad spelling and grammar.
Author's Notes: This story is a broad farce with over the top humor (a good deal of it is crude and sexual) and OOC actions (that's Out Of Character if you don't know). Also, this is my first smut-ish fic. If you don't like sex and sex-based humor, do NOT read this!
Chapter Seven Summary: Brainy birds are naughty!
Harry cursed at himself for his own stupidity as he dashed behind the couch where Hermione had landed. Hermione had simply wanted to see how his love based magic affected his power and Harry had complied. He concentrated on his love based magic and yet, somehow he bollixed it all up. He meant to cast a simple Cheering Charm on Hermione but instead he must have hit her with a Banishing Charm. Harry blew her off of her feet and she ended up falling behind the couch. As Harry rounded the corner of the couch in question, he expected to see the woman he loved crumpled in a heap on the floor. Bafflingly, he found nothing but the floor of the Common Room. 'Where could she have gone?' he thought.
Before Harry could continue his search, he heard a soft "whoosh" sound and felt a draft on '/Harry, Jr./' Looking down, Harry saw that his pajama top was still on, but his pajama bottoms had mysteriously dropped down around his ankles, leaving his lower half naked and exposed.
Harry quickly bent over to re-cover himself, and to recover whatever was left of his dignity, when he felt, rather than heard, Hermione run toward him from behind. Apparently, Harry's naked bum was too good of a target for Hermione to pass up. The wizard yelped as Hermione roughly, painfully, and quite unexpectedly smacked his left arse cheek. Before Harry could regain his wits enough to stop Hermione, she had disappeared again. He was busy rubbing his red bum when Hermione dashed out of nowhere and laid an equally painful thwack to his unprotected right cheek. Harry jumped up in pain at Hermione's strike. Unfortunately, this jump, added with the fact that his pajama bottoms were still around his ankles, caused Harry to fall to the ground in a very unflattering position: his face was on the ground while his naked posterior was sticking up in the air. This became another opportunity that was too good for Hermione to pass up.
Harry cried out in pain as Hermione delivered powerful smacks to each of his cheeks at the same time. He finally had the common sense to roll over so that he was sitting on his now welt-covered backside. He looked up and saw Hermione swinging from the chandelier like some sort of crazed trapeze performer. How she got up there was a mystery to Harry, but the bigger mystery was how he was going to get her down. Hopefully, he could perform a levitation charm on her.
Standing holding his wand in one hand while hoisting up his bottoms, Harry was very surprised to see that Hermione had disappeared once again. He was staring at the swinging chandelier when he felt a new draft on his bits. Harry looked down to see that his pants were around his ankles again. Having learned his lesson previously, Harry decided not to temp Hermione to spank his bottom by bending over and giving her a target. He figured it be safer to use his magic to lift up his trousers. Harry had only barely pointed his wand at the fabric when he heard Hermione rushing toward him.
"Oh, shite," Harry was able to groan out before Hermione physically tackled him by throwing her body at his back. Harry ended up on the floor in the same embarrassing position he had just gotten out of: his naked (but now red) arse sticking up in the air. This time however, Hermione was sitting on the back of his head. She was evidently pretending his backside was a set of bongos because she began to slap, smack, and spank his arse very rapidly and with increasing force.
"OW! OW! OW!" Harry cried in unison with the slaps as Hermione began to sing.
"Baba-loo!"
"OW! OW! OW!"
After several dozen paddles Hermione finally stood and commented on her work. "Wow, look at how red that is! I think it's actually throwing off light! That is sooo cool!"
As soon as Hermione had gotten off of him, Harry once again rolled over so that he was sitting on his red and throbbing bum. Wincing slightly from the pain in his rear, Harry looked up and saw a very flushed Hermione standing him front of him. Although her eye was still red and irritated from the accidental "/ejaculate in the eye/" situation, she had a face splitting grin.
"That was fun!" Hermione declared. Harry noticed that she had very, very erect nipples; they looked as if they were going to poke holes through her blouse. "Okay, my turn!" Hermione then promptly shoved her bottom in Harry's face and ordered "Go on, give it a good whack!"
"Hermione, I don't -" Harry began to whine.
"Smack my arse, Potter!" Hermione commanded.
"Fine," Harry complied and placed a gentle slap to her bottom.
"What the hell was that? Did a fly land on my bum?" Hermione mockingly asked. She lowered her slacks to reveal her milky white flesh and thin white cotton knickers to Harry. The white cotton knickers, which Harry noted, were fairly damp around Hermione's flower. At first, Harry thought that it was just sweat, after all the witch had been running around the room. But he could have sworn he smelt the musky odor of her arousal. "When I say '/smack my arse/' I mean it. Now spank me!"
"Hermione I don't want to hurt you," objected Harry.
"SPANK MY BOTTOM NOW!" Hermione demanded.
Spurned on by her command - and a little fearful of her wrath if he didn't comply - Harry smacked her tender flesh with a resounding slap, his fear combined with his own sore bottom making him use a great deal more force than he intended.
"Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes," Hermione chanted through gritted teeth (but still grinning like a madwoman) as she hopped around Harry. "That felt sooo good!" She paused in front of Harry to lower her knickers so that her bottom was completely exposed, a sight that Harry marveled in. Right before his eyes, a hand shaped red welt rapidly developed on her naked bum. "That's a good one, isn't it? Now kiss it and make it better."
Rather than argue, Harry leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her red flesh. Her skin felt incredibly hot under his lips.
"Now rub it," Hermione ordered.
But before Harry could happily fulfill Hermione's wish, a soft "/ahem/" from the entrance to the Common Room drew their attention. Minerva McGonagall stood patiently by the entrance while pretending that nothing unusual was happening and she was busying herself by examining something in the corner away from Harry and Hermione.
As quickly as he could, Harry stood and pulled up his pants, covering '/Harry, Jr/.'. Harry turned, assuming that Hermione had done the same seeing how her bum was hanging out of her slacks. But Hermione hadn't. In fact she wasn't anywhere near Harry. Instead she was doing pirouettes in a circle around McGonagall like a ballerina on a sugar high. A ballerina on a sugar high who happened to have her very pretty, and very bare, arse hanging out of her slacks, mind you.
"Hermione, what are you doing?" McGonagall asked sternly as Hermione, while giggling non-stop, continued to pirouette around the Headmistress. The Headmistress scrutinized Hermione's puffy red eye as the younger witch spun around her. "Is something wrong with your eye? Were you hit with a Conjunctivitis Curse?"
Hermione paused momentarily from her incessant spinning to answer McGonagall's question. "Kind of, it was Harry's own special /Cum-/junctivits Curse." She then frantically pantomimed the cause, pointing between her eye and Harry's crotch as if McGonagall needed a visual reference to her crude joke. Thankfully, Harry thought, judging by McGonagall's skeptical expression, the prim Headmistress didn't get it. At McGonagall's questioning look, Hermione felt the need to explain her joke further. "He came in my-" Harry dashed forward and clamped his hand down on her mouth, hoping to muffle the word "eye."
"What the hell are you two doing?" McGonagall demanded, as a grinning Hermione wrenched herself away from Harry.
"Um... we... we're... uh experimenting..." answered Harry, ending up speaking very loudly. He had to answer loudly because the still bare-arsed Hermione was now standing on the window seat singing "/I'm a Little Teapot/" at the top of her lungs.
"I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT, SHORT AND STOUT."
"I would suggest that you should stop your '/experiment'/ sometime soon," stated McGonagall over Hermione's caterwauling.
"HERE IS MY HANDLE, HERE IS MY SPOUT!"
"What was that, ma'am?" asked Harry pretending as if Hermione singing a children's song at the top of her lungs was an everyday occurrence.
"WHEN I GET ALL STEAMED UP, HEAR ME SHOUT:"
"I would suggest that you should stop your '/experiment'/ sometime soon," McGonagall repeated, trying her best to tune out Hermione's less than dulcet song.
It was at this point that Hermione had decided to veer away from the traditional lyrics of "/I'm a Little Teapot/" by improvising some of her own.
"JUST PUSH ME ON THE BED AND EAT ME OUT!" Hermione also added something akin to a dance move as well; when she "/sung/" the words "... and eat me out!" she thrust her hips lewdly at Harry.
Both Harry and McGonagall stared at Hermione with stunned expressions. Ignoring the stares, Hermione hopped off of the seat and began to do wind sprints around the Room. McGonagall and Harry turned to each other and shared a look that clearly stated that neither one would ever mention Hermione's song. Ever.
"Ron Weasley has requested to stop by in an hour or so," McGonagall continued, speaking as if one of her favorite students was not behaving in anything less than a most responsible manner. Only her pale face, due to Hermione's song, gave away any sort of clue as to her current mindset.
"Ron's stopping by?" Harry asked disbelievingly.
"Yes, he said you wanted to talk to the two of you," concluded McGonagall.
Knowing Ron, his idea of a "talk" would include him yelling and perhaps even screaming. The "talk" would also include him accusing Harry of being a glory hound and/or stealing his girl, then making Hermione cry, and then storming off.
Hermione stomped up to McGonagall, threw up her arms and cried out in an overly joyous manner, "I'm so depressed!"
Harry finally decided that it was time to lift the super-powered Cheering Charm off of Hermione. He pointed his wand at her and quickly cast a simple: "/Finite/!"
Much to both Harry and McGonagall's surprise, Hermione's 'jolly' mood did not dissipate. Instead she attempted to do a cartwheel away from the Headmistress. Her attempt failed and the brunette witch crashed to the ground. The rational part of Harry's mind felt embarrassed for his girlfriend at her crash. However, the naughty part of Harry's mind (the part of the brain that has control over most thought processes in most males) liked the way Hermione naked bum jiggled when it hit the floor.
Regaining his composure after being enticed by Hermione's naked bottom, Harry looked at his wand disbelievingly as Hermione stood up, laughing. Again, he pointed his wand and said, "/Finite/!"
Apparently, the second cancellation spell worked as well as the first, seeing that Hermione still continued to laugh.
"Why isn't it working?" McGonagall asked.
Before Harry could speculate as to the reasons, Hermione dashed at him and shouted, "Maybe because he's using the wrong wand!" She then promptly yanked Harry's trousers down and before he could cover himself up, she grabbed '/Harry, Jr.'/ and suggested, "Here, use this wand and see if it works!'
"Good grief!" McGonagall exclaimed as she tried to shield her eyes.
"Hermione," Harry whined as he tried to push her hands away from his bits so that he could cover them.
"Fine, have it your way spoil sport," Hermione said as she gave up and let '/Harry, Jr./' go. This of course freed up her hands to do other things, like spank Harry's naked bottom.
Harry cried out in pain as his bum was spanked once more. He recoiled away from Hermione's hand but this led to him thrusting his bits in McGonagall's direction. Thankfully, Harry thought, the Headmistress still had her hand over her eyes.
Hiking up his clothing once more, Harry told McGonagall it was okay to look again. But just as the elder witch lowered her hand away from her eyes, Hermione decided to lower Harry's bottoms again.
"Oh, for pity's sake!" McGonagall shouted.
It was at this point that Hermione decided to give the Headmistress a special puppet show, with '/Harry, Jr./' being the puppet. She knelt in front of Harry and grabbed his organ once again.
"'Hello, Professor McGonagall,'" Hermione said in a gruff voice as she held '/Harry, Jr./' and made him bow in a greeting to the older witch. She was squeezing the crown of the appendage so that his urethra was opening and closing as she pretended that the slit was a mouth and it was talking. "'I'm Harry's Penis. How are you today?'"
Harry tried to push Hermione off of him, but Hermione held fast to his member. Because of the slight tugging going on, '/Harry, Jr./' started to wake up to see what the commotion was all about.
"'Gee, Hermione, can I come out to play?'" she 'asked' in her gruff voice as she continued to squeeze and tug at '/Harry, Jr/.' "'I've been lonely for a while. Lonely and bored. Can you help?''
"I don't know Mr. Harry's Penis," she replied in her normal voice. "Your friend Harry is being a bit of a spoil sport right now..."
One can hardly blame Harry for what happened; because of all the spanking -yes it hurt, but in a good kind of way - the fact that Hermione bum was completely exposed and naked, and the fact that his girlfriend was literally and figuratively playing with his bits; Harry was starting to get aroused. This of course was mortifying because McGonagall was in the same room as he and Hermione. Harry reckoned that if the Headmistress wasn't there, he'd let Hermione use '/Harry, Jr./' as a puppet all day long. But the unfortunate fact that McGonagall was there was disturbing.
"Oh, it looks like Harry has decided to let you play after all, Mr. Harry's Penis!" Hermione exclaimed as the organ began to swell and grow in her hand. "Would you like to play '/tonsil boxing/' with me, or perhaps '/all hands on dick/'?"
"Ms. Granger," McGonagall howled with her hand over her eyes. "I insist you stop this foolishness right now!"
Harry groaned as Hermione stimulated him with her hands - that and the fact that she had just used the word "/dick/," apparently he discovered that something about Hermione talking dirty made him randy. A bit of clear pre-cum seeped out of '/Harry, Jr./'
"Oh, no. You poor thing. You're crying! Why are you so sad Mr. Harry's Penis?" asked Hermione in an overly sweetly concerned voice. "Did Professor McGonagall make you upset? Maybe you need a kiss."
Hermione leaned in and was about to give '/Harry, Jr./' a kiss when Professor McGonagall announced, "This has to stop!"
She whipped out her wand and leveled it at the kneeling witch.
"/Finite/!" the Headmistress shouted.
Hermione paused, mere centimeters away from Harry's crown. She looked up at Harry and declared with a wink, "We'll finish the puppet show later!' She then jumped up and ran around the room while holding her arms out to the side and making airplane noises.
Harry and McGonagall stared at the young witch as she appeared to pretend to be a plane while running around the room. After a bit, they both shared a concerned look. Then McGonagall happened to look down.
"For heaven's sake, Potter!" she shouted as she covered her eyes yet again. "Cover yourself up!"
Harry looked down and saw that his aroused state was still very much exposed. He quickly hiked up his pajama bottoms, completely embarrassed.
"Sorry about that Professor," said Harry, indicating that he was now decent.
McGonagall lowered her hand and gave Harry a stern look. She proceeded to say in an austere tone "Cover yourself a little more, Potter!"
Once again, he looked down at himself in shock. He was still fairly erect and was pointing in McGonagall's direction. It was if '/Harry, Jr/.' was pointing at the Headmistress in an accusatory way and was saying "YOU! It's your fault! I can't play with my Hermione because you made her stop! YOU BITCH!"
As quickly as he could, Harry snatched a pillow from the nearby couch and held the fluffy accessory like a shield in front of his crotch.
"Well, at least I know you're a true Gryffindor," McGonagall muttered. "You '/dress right/'."
Hermione had finally stopped pretending to be a plan and was now tumbling head over heels across the floor chanting "Hoop-ah!"
"What in the hell did you do to her?" demanded McGonagall as Hermione's tumbling knocked over a small table, breaking it. Hermione muttered an "oops" and quickly performed a Repair Charm on the broken table.
"I... I just used a Cheering Charm on her," admitted Harry.
Hermione giggled as she transfigured the table into a dozen tiny, miniscule red elephants.
"How many Cheering Charms did you use on her?" McGonagall asked incredulously.
Unable to answer McGonagall, Harry pointed his wand at Hermione, who was frantically chasing the tiny red elephants around the room.
"/Finite/!" Harry commanded.
Hermione slowed her frantic chase to a trot, but was still giggling like a school-girl.
"/Finite/!" he shouted again.
It was at this point that Hermione seemed to lose interest with the pack of puny pachyderms and started to hop like a bunny toward McGonagall, a bunny with her beautiful bare bum hanging out of her pants.
"/Finite/!"
The hop changed into a skip.
"/Finite/!"
The skip was replaced by a saunter, a saunter with a bounce to it, mind you.
"/Finite/!"
Her bouncy saunter disappeared as Hermione finally reached McGonagall. Harry could tell by the glow in Hermione's cheeks (both sets, he thought wickedly) and the goofy grin on her face that she was still under the effects of his super-charged Cheering Charm, but he reckoned that it would be close enough.
"I'm sorry Professor," Hermione said with a chuckle as she hiked up her slacks, covering her bum. This made Harry a tad disappointed. He rather liked seeing her bottom.
"It's quite alright, Hermione," replied McGonagall. "I was young and in love once, too."
It was at this point that McGonagall focused on Harry and the message on his pajamas. She then gave Harry the same saucy smile she had given him the other day. It was like someone had dumped a very large bucket of ice water on his head.
"And speaking of love," McGonagall said to Hermione, oblivious to Harry's discomfort, "I thought it would be best if you had a look at today's /Prophet/."
The Headmistress pulled a rolled up copy of the newspaper out of her robes and handed it to Hermione.
"Is there anything wrong, Professor?" Harry asked as Hermione took the Prophet from the Headmistress. Harry noted that when she took the paper from McGonagall, Hermione was guffawing softly and he swore he heard her mutter a word that Hermione would never say. But he could have sworn he heard her mutter the word "/gimmie/."
"Oh, not at all. The Prophet is merely reporting Harry's declaration he made during the reception yesterday," McGonagall answered. "I'll leave you two alone," with that, McGonagall left the Common Room.
Harry gasped in fear. He had totally forgotten to warn Hermione about his outburst. And now, she was going to hear about it from the /Daily Prophet/!
"What declaration?" Hermione asked as she started to read the front page.
"I'm sorry Hermione," Harry rapidly spoke. "I kind of told Ron -- and everyone else -- that I'm in love with -"
"Draco," Hermione interrupted.
"Yes - What? - NO!" Harry sputtered, stunned.
Hermione started to read the article that adorned the front page of the Daily Prophet/. Of course, since she was still under the effect of the super-charged Cheering Charm, she read it in a silly voice. "'/The //Chosen/ One announces his forbidden love!'/
"'/During the Delacour/Weasley wedding yesterday, Harry Potter (The Boy Who Lived, The /Chosen/ One, and Dumbledore's Man, Through and Through) announced his undying love for novice Death Eater and all-around bad-boy, Draco Malfoy.'"/
"WHAT?" Harry screamed. He could swear that he could hear McGonagall laughing in the hall.
"'/Stunned guests witnessed as Potter proudly stated that he was in love with the wizard who helped Death Eaters invade Hogwarts.'"/ Hermione continued to read in her giddy voice. "'/Potter shouted "I don't care who knows anymore, I'm in love with Draco!"'/
"Bu... bu... bu... but I'm not gay!" Harry defended himself. "Even if I were, I could never be attracted to Draco. I don't know where anyone would get that notion. I hate the little ferret."
"Well, it looks like they've got an explanation for that," Hermione said while trying to fight a fit of laughter. "/'Fred and George Weasley (brothers of the groom) who attended Hogwarts with Potter gave us some insight to Potter and Malfoy's relationship: "Every time we played a Quidditch match against Slytherin, Draco and Harry would always go for each other's throats..." Fred told us'/
"/'Yeah, everyone could tell their aggressiveness towards each other was just unresolved sexual tension," George concluded.'"/
"I-am-going-to-kill-them!" Harry hissed.
"'Another classmate of Potter, Dean Thomas, informed, "I swear I saw the two of them snogging in the halls last year.""
/ /"Right after I kill him," Harry hissed again.
"Alas, does this mean we're over Harry," Hermione asked with overly-dramatic and obviously fake sadness and dropped the Prophet on the table. "I don't think I could share you with another man!"
"Oh, shut it!" Harry moaned dejectedly and flopped on the couch. "How'd this happen?"
"Well, you know how this newspaper never gets anything right," Hermione attempted to console him. Her attempt to comfort him was difficult however seeing that she was still chuckling.
"I know that," Harry stated and Hermione sat down next to him. "But why would my friends say that about me?"
"That's simple. As to Fred and George, they did it as a joke," Hermione explained and then added under her breath "a bloody good one at that." She then said "And Dean, well he probably did it because you did steal his girlfriend last year."
"Oh, yeah. I guess I deserved that last bit," Harry said.
"The girlfriend who happened to look like your mum," Hermione added. Harry groaned pitifully and Hermione muttered "sicko."
Hermione pecked Harry's cheek and announced, "We have an hour or so before Ron gets here and I have something we can do in the mean time. A deviously clever idea struck me while I was under your Cheering Charm."
"An idea about what?" asked Harry.
"Revenge," heralded Hermione. She then stood and declared in a very dramatic way: "Revenge against Remus and Tonks!"
Hermione spent the next twenty minutes gathering potion supplies and explaining her plan to Harry.
"I was inspired by Remus' prank where he used a theory for one spell but used it on a different spell, causing a completely unheard of effect for the latter," Hermione spoke very rapidly as she threw several ingredients in the simmering cauldron. "I asked myself 'why don't we do the same thing? Combine two different things and hit those two with it?' So, I decided to mix two different potions, a mild Lust Potion and an Infelix Infaustus potion. The Infelix Infaustus potion does the exact opposite of the Felix Felicis, instead of giving the drinker good luck, they're plagued with bad luck. My theory is that when we combine the Lust and Bad Luck potions, the victims -Remus and Tonks - will have bouts of lowered inhibitions at inappropriate times and places."
"You lost me at '/I was inspired/...'" Harry admitted as he watched his girlfriend stir the contents of the cauldron.
"Remus and Tonks will be molesting each other, much like I did to you when I was under the influence of Ginny's Lust Potion," Hermione explained in simpler terms. "But they will be doing it at the most inappropriate times and places. Imagine the next Order of the Phoenix meeting; Molly will be going over the minutes from the last meeting and Tonks will mount Remus right then and there!"
"They'll be mortified!" exclaimed Harry.
"They'll never live it down!" proclaimed Hermione.
"They'll never be able to show their faces in public again!" added Harry.
"Excellent!" both teens gloriously cried out.
Hermione cackled and put in the final ingredient. She carefully poured the contents of the cauldron into a glass vial. "Now all we have to do is sprinkle this over something they'll eat or into their drinks."
"How about we sprinkle it over their tea supply?" offered Harry.
"Wonderful! That way they'll have to deal with the effects whenever they have tea! They will be pranked continually, and not know how!"
The sound of the portrait of the Fad Lady opening drew their attention to the entrance to the Common Room. A silent and sullen Ron Weasley walked in.
"Um, hi Ron," Harry nervously greeted his hopefully still best mate.
"Hiya Harry... Hermione," he responded in a quiet and apprehensive way. Hermione weakly waved at her former "we're together" friend. And those four words, well four words and an "/Um/" sound, were the only things said for a very long minute. During that minute, the trio busied themselves in various ways; Hermione seemed to be fascinated by a strand of her own hair and inspected it closely. Ron appeared to be counting the dust specks on the chandelier above their heads (which was still swinging slightly due to Hermione impromptu impersonation of Tarzan) while Harry was literarily twiddling his thumbs trying his best not to look at anyone or anything in particular.
"Ooh, this is maddening!" announced Hermione, finally breaking the awkward silence. "I never meant to hurt you Ron, it just that..."
"I know, I know," Ron said. "I did a lot of thinking about what Harry said, and it made sense. In the long run, I don't think it would've worked out. It still hurts a little, but I think that it would've hurt a lot more if we had been together longer and then realize that we wouldn't work out. You know what I mean?"
"Yes, I do," replied Hermione, taken back at Ron's surprising amount of insight.
"And I reckon that it will hurt a little seeing the two of you together for a bit, but if it makes you two happy then I'm happy." Ron concluded.
"Thanks mate, that means a lot," Harry said, his heart feeling a little lighter.
"Besides I should've seen this coming, the two of you hooking up. I mean, look at all the stuff you two have done together," Ron stated. "You both went into the Forbidden Forest in our first year while I was stuck in the Hospital Ward. Then there was the Time Turner Adventure you had in our third year where you saved Sirius and rode Buckbeak. And in our fifth, you two went into the Forest twice together and then when we split up in the Department of Mysteries, you two were still a team."
A genuine smile appeared on both Ron and Harry's faces as they shook hands, renewing their friendship. Hermione then hugged their tall friend. As she pulled away from him, Ron looked at her red eye and asked "Were you hit with a Conjunctivitis Curse?"
Hermione snorted in a very un-lady-like fashion and Harry's heart sunk as he realized the awkward situation of the talk with Ron had forced Hermione to suppress the urges she was feeling from the super-charged Cheering Charm. Apparently, since the awkwardness of the talk had passed, the effects of the super-charged Cheering Charm kicked in once again.
"My eye is red because Harry came in it," informed Hermione with a chuckle.
Harry gaped with his mouth open in shock at Ron. Hermione had just blurted out how far their relationship had progressed and Harry was fearful of Ron's reaction. You see, Ron was prone to bouts of jealously and anger. And Harry worried that Ron would react badly because Ron was basically just told that Hermione had given Harry a hand-job. But thankfully, Ron was also prone to bouts of denseness.
"What do you mean?" Ron asked, dumbfounded. "How can someone come into your eye?"
Before Harry could defuse the situation, Hermione answered Ron's question, "Not 'into', in. And it's quite simple: Bad aim, that's how."
Ron stared at his two best friends in bewilderment for a moment. Then slowly, understanding dawned in his eyes.
"SHE NEVER DID THAT WITH ME!"
"Pfft," Hermione countered - if one could call a "pfft" noise a counterpoint. "I never did /any/thing with you."
Hermione then proceeded to attempt to once more lower Harry's pants. Luckily, Harry seized hold of his trousers before Hermione could tug them down.
"What the hell is wrong with her?" Ron asked Harry.
"I hit her with a super-charged Cheering Charm," Harry tried to inform his friend while wrestling for control of his pants with Hermione.
"You hit her with a super-charged Cheering Charm by cumming in her eye?" demanded Ron.
"No, no, no," Harry stammered. He was beginning to lose the battle over his pants and he was quite worried that Ron was about to formally meet 'Harry, Jr.' "No, we performed a ritual to find the Horcruxes..."
Harry paused as he started to feel the fabric of his pants slip away.
"And you performed this ritual by cumming in her eye?" Ron asked, still trying to follow the chain of events.
"No," Hermione answered and thankfully gave up in her quest to expose 'Harry, Jr.' and walked over to stand in front of Ron. "I found a ritual in a dirty little book Harry was trying to hide from me." Of course, Hermione was speaking very rapidly. "The ritual required me to wank his willy," Hermione paused momentarily to make a rude hand gesture to Ron, as if she needed to give the red-haired wizard a visual reference to what she was talking about. "Well, then we had an out of body experience where we found the location of all of Voldemort's Horcruxes, but the ritual ended when Harry came. Unfortunately, he cummed in my eye, duh!" She accentuated this point by leaning very close to Ron so that he could inspect the eye in question.
"And as to the reason I'm acting so strangely," Hermione continued after she believed that Ron had inspected her red-eye enough. "Harry informed me that there was more to the prophesy concerning he and Voldemort than just 'me against him' and it dealt with a power Harry has that Voldemort doesn't even know about. And apparently that power is love and so I decided to see how much his love affected simple charms and spells. So we did a little experiment with a Cheering Charm and 'lo and behold you have a very hyper-active Hermione. Harry has tried to cancel out the charm, but what he doesn't realized is that he had so much power in the charm that he'll have to tap into his love-core again to cancel it completely. That or hit me with a dozen or so more 'Finites'"
"Oh, okay. So when are we going to Godric's Hollow and start looking for the Horcruxes?" Ron asked, abruptly changing subjects, obviously pretending that not only had he understood what Hermione had said, but that she was acting completely normal.
"How about now?" asked Harry, equally trying to pretend that Hermione's actions were normal.
"Why not?" Ron agreed.
"Fine, but let's stop by Remus and Tonks' place first," Hermione said with a knowing look in her eye - well her one good eye that is. "Just to let them know we're going on a trip."
"Alright, before we leave let's go to the kitchen and get some food," Harry said. "I'm famished."
"Wait. First, I have some 'f/orgive me I was such a berk/' presents to give you two," Ron said as he started to reach in his robes.
"Ron that's not necessary," Hermione said gently.
"It's something I feel I need to do, is all," stated Ron and he pulled out a single yellow rose and handed it to Hermione. "I hope we can still be friends."
"Of course we are," Hermione said with tears of happiness in her eyes and she hugged Ron again. After they broke apart, Ron pulled a box out of his robes and handed it to Harry.
"Here you go Harry," Ron said as Harry took the box. "I had it made for you this morning. I hope it fits."
Harry opened the box to find a bright pink pullover with the words "Draco's Little Princess" embroidered on it.
"I think Draco would like that," Hermione said with a chuckle as she examined the shirt over Harry's shoulder. Harry groaned and looked at Ron who appeared to on the verge of laughter.
"Ha, ha, let it out you two," Harry said mirthlessly.
"Do you think that Harry would be the Keeper or the Chaser?" Ron asked. "I think he'd be the Keeper in the relationship."
"Oh, yes, I can totally see that," Hermione answered. "Draco is very aggressive, so that would make him the dominant of the pair."
This playful ribbing continued as the trio went to the kitchens and grabbed some food. Dobby made it a point to say goodbye to Harry and if they needed anything that they shouldn't hesitate to call on the little House-Elf. As Harry left the kitchen, he absently noted that Kreacher was no where to be seen.
After they left the castle grounds, Hermione turned to Harry and demanded "Lift this Charm off of me this instant! I refuse to go any further until I am normal. It's taking too much effort to restrain myself right now. And I'm afraid that I'll lose my concentration in the middle of a large crowd of people."
"Okay, /Finite/." Harry said after he pointed his wand at her.
"No Harry!" Hermione exclaimed gleefully. "I told you earlier you will have to hit me with a dozen more Finites or one loved powered Finite!"
"You did?" he asked.
"Yes, remember when I was explaining our situation to Ron?"
"Um, no, not really," Harry responded honestly. In Harry's defense, she had been speaking rather rapidly earlier.
"Well, tap into your love-core so I can be normal again," demanded Hermione.
Harry paused and focused on how he felt for his girlfriend and muttered "/Finite."/
With a sigh, Hermione acknowledged that she had finally returned to normal.
The trio signaled for the Knight Bus. With a loud BANG, the triple decked bus appeared in front of them. Harry, Hermione, and Ron got on and took the Knight Bus to Remus' cottage.
"Wothcher, kids," Tonks greeted them as she answered the door. "Come inside."
Tonks led the group to the small front room where Remus was reading The Quibbler.
"Hello, you three," Remus greeted. "What brings you here?"
"Oh, just wanted to stop by before we head off to Godric's Hollow," informed Harry.
Remus and Tonks shared a concerned look.
"Pardon me, but may I use the bathroom?" Hermione interjected.
"Of course you can, Hermione." Tonks answered.
Hermione winked at Harry before disappearing around the corner. Harry had some difficulty controlling his joy at the thought of Remus and Tonks embarrassing themselves due to Hermione's ingenious plan of revenge.
"Now Harry, I want to warn you about what you'll find at Godric's Hollow," said Remus, the concern in his voice was obvious to anyone who was paying attention. However, Harry wasn't paying attention. His mind was filled with images of the humiliated pair of Tonks and Remus.
"Joseph Middwood was the man Lily and James hired to be the house's caretaker," Remus continued and Harry nodded his head as if he understood what the older wizard had said. "And he has done... some questionable things since your parents died..."
Harry almost laughed out loud as a mental image of Remus and Tonks sitting at the dinner table at the Burrow entered his mind. He imagined Molly setting the main course in front of Remus. The werewolf then looked up at Molly and thanked her before shoving his hand down Tonks' blouse to squeeze her tit. In Harry's mind, Molly then gasped as Tonks whipped out Remus' willy and started to wank him off.
"... and apparently, he thought he deserved more money..." Remus continued to speak. And Harry continued to ignore him.
Harry gleefully imagined another mortifying predicament caused by Hermione's Bad Lust potion. In his mind's eye, Harry saw Remus stop by the Ministry of Magic to drop off some lunch for Tonks. He imagined them talking for a bit about inconsequential things, but the moment that Tonks' supervisor happened to stop by, all hell would break loose. Harry fought the urge to chuckle at the imagined shocked expression on Tonks' boss's face when Remus put his willy in-between the pink haired witch's boobs and began to whack himself off with her mounds.
Another image suddenly popped in Harry's mind driving the current scenario from his imagination. Instead of Remus giving Tonks a good old fashion titty-fuck, Harry saw himself in the same position, but with Hermione and her wondrous breasts being the stars. He wondered momentarily if Hermione would ever agree to such an activity. He didn't think that she would agree to such a thing just for the pleasure of it; but remembering his sore bottom and how moist and musky her knickers were from earlier, Harry realized that his girlfriend was a touch kinky. He even considered momentarily using his super-charged Cheering Charm just to bring that naughty girl out once more, but quickly put that thought aside. He could never use Hermione. He loved her and would never intentionally force her to lower her inhibitions for his pleasure. Hopefully, he thought, a ritual would be in the '/special book'/ which would require him putting '/Harry, Jr.'/ between Hermione's beautiful boobs. He felt '/Harry, Jr./' began to stir at the thought of getting the opportunity to frolic with '/Carmella/' and '/Natasha/'.
"... I've tried talking with Joseph." Remus sighed dejectedly before continuing. "But he won't listen to reason."
The magnificent image of Harry giving Hermione his own special pearl necklace was sadly replaced by another vision of a "Bad Lust" attack. The image this time focused on Tonks taking Remus to visit her folks. Remus gave Mrs. Tonks a kiss as a greeting and shook Mr. Tonks' hand like a gentleman before Remus began humping their daughter's leg like a rabid dog - or in Remus' case -- a wolf. Granted, Harry found this image humorous, but he found the image of a naked Hermione underneath him much more preferable.
"... I'm sorry I didn't tell you before now," concluded Remus. "I just wanted to prepare you for what you'll find there."
"Oh, thanks Remus," Harry responded, absentmindedly. "I'll keep it in mind."
What he'll keep in mind was a total mystery to Harry since he hadn't heard a word that Remus had said.
"Sorry about that," Hermione began as she reentered the room. "Did I miss anything?"
"Nothing important," replied Harry. Hermione gave him a look that clearly told him that the mission was accomplished. Soon, very soon, Tonks would be jumping Remus' bones and their revenge will be complete!
"All right then, I guess we should be going," Hermione announced.
"Okay, see you three later," Remus bid them farewell. But before Harry could turn and leave, Remus said to Tonks: "Tonks, love."
"Yes, sweetie," she replied.
"Remind me to throw away the tea," Remus said as he picked up The Quibbler and started to read it once more. "Hermione spiked it while pretending to use the loo."
"Yes dear," Tonks replied nonchalantly as if their tea supply was often spiked and she was rather bored with the chore of throwing it away.
"Why would she spike your tea?" Ron asked.
Harry could feel his eye twitch. His dream of revenge was destroyed before it even started. Remus just killed his dream. Harry looked at Hermione and saw that her eye was twitching as well.
"Just for a prank," Remus said to Ron.
"But... but.... But how'd you know?" stammered Hermione.
"I have wards up all over the house, and they alert me if something gets disturbed." Remus answered. "You two will have to come up with better ideas if you want to pull a practical joke on me. Remember, I am a Marauder after all."
"DAMN IT!" Harry cursed and stomped out of the cottage. Hermione followed, grumbling under her breath. Ron silently followed, not realizing all the trouble his friends had been through.
"Oi, Hermione," Tonks called out from the house to the trio as Harry signaled for the Knight Bus. "Next time, turn your head. That way you avoid getting it in your eye!" Hermione shot Tonks a dirty look with her one good eye as the pink haired witch continued to taunt; "Oh, and Harry, don't forget to give Draco a kiss for me!"
The purple bus appeared with a bang and Harry gloomily walked on.
"Godric's Hollow," Harry told the driver. Harry sat on a chair in the back after paying the driver and Hermione and Ron soon joined him.
"Why were you trying to prank Remus," Ron asked.
"He pranked us first," Harry blurted out not realizing that he would have to describe the prank to Ron. Even though Ron was being a sport concerning Harry and Hermione's relationship, Harry didn't want to aggravate Ron by telling him the whole "/Tonks caught me eating out Hermione while you thought you two were still a couple and then Remus pranked us by making us believe the Ministry made flyers describing the scene Tonks saw/" ordeal. So, as quickly as he could, Harry made up a prank that wouldn't possibly rile Ron. "Remus called me a poopie head."
Hermione slapped her head in annoyance at Harry's poor cover-up.
"Really? A '/poopie-head'/?" Ron asked; thankfully Ron wasn't the brightest person in the world. "You'd think a Marauder would come up with a better prank than that."
Hermione slapped her head again; this time in annoyance to Ron's stupidity.
"I mean '/poopie-head'/ isn't even funny," Ron continued, unmindful of Hermione's vexation. "I thought the Marauders were supposed to be the best pranksters to ever attend Hogwarts. But /'poopie-head'/?" Ron concluded by shaking his head in a disappointed way. "Fred and George would be so disappointed."
Harry began to grow concerned. Not only was his friend digging into the very unlikely excuse, but worse, Ron appeared to believe it. Harry truly wondered how Ron could be that gullible and trusting.
"But there's something I don't understand," Ron said. "Why would you want to prank Remus back if he called you a '/poopie-head/'? I mean, why bother? You could just call him a '/berk'/ and be done with it."
Worrying that his friend might finally deduce that the "poopie-head" story was just a cover-up for the "I got caught eating out Hermione," Harry decided to divert Ron's attention.
"Hey, we found where the Horcruxes are hidden!" announced Harry.
"That's right!" Ron responded. "Where are they?"
"Harry!" hissed Hermione. With a tilt of her head, she indicated a group of four wizards sitting near the front of the Bus. "Do you want them to hear this conversation?"
Harry doubted that they had heard him mention the horcruxes, but he knew that Hermione was right. Discreetly pulling out his wand, Harry pointed it at the group of wizards and muttered: "Muffliato!"
The Muffliato Charm was designed to fill the ears of the people who were hit with it to have their hearing filled with unidentifiable buzzing sounds. It was a simple charm that would allow Harry and his friends to talk without being overheard. It was also a charm that wouldn't harm anyone. Harry hated to admit it, but Snape did make some useful spells.
The Muffliato Charm wouldn't harm anyone unless the caster had gone and unwittingly performed a power boosting ritual, much like Harry had.
"OH SWEET MERLIN!" the first wizard shouted while frantically looking around him. "ARE WE UNDER ATTACK FROM MONSTROUSLY HUGE BEES?"
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" the second wizard screamed at the first.
"THE AGONY OF TINNIUS!" the third hollered while clutching his ears.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" the fourth wizard yelled.
Both Ron and Hermione shot looks at Harry as the four wizards continued to frantically scream and shout. Ron's look told Harry that the red head was confused and didn't understand why such a simple and harmless charm had created such havoc. However, Hermione's look was different; it clearly told Harry that she was very upset with him.
"What's going on?" Ron hollered as the first wizard continued to warn everyone around him at the top of his lung about the impending bee attack. "Why are they acting like that? The Muffliato shouldn't cause that type of reaction!"
"Because Harry forgot he performed a power-boosting ritual!" yelled Hermione.
"What?" shouted Ron over the cries of the four unknown wizards.
"Harry performed a power-boosting ritual!" she yelled louder.
"WHAT?"
"HE PERFORMED A POWER-BOOSTING RITUAL!!!" screamed Hermione, her face had turned a bright red as she shouted at the top of her lungs.
"Oh, how'd you do it?" Ron asked Harry rather loudly.
Sharing a concerned look with Harry, Hermione began to sputter: "We... um... he... err... well..."
Harry noticed that Ron was trying his best to hear what Hermione was muttering but he could tell that Ron couldn't hear anything she was saying over the shouts and screams of the four wizards. Harry shouted to Ron "NEVER MIND, IT ISN'T IMPORTANT."
"ALRIGHT!" Ron shouted and asked "WHERE ARE THE HORCRUXES?"
Hermione must have realized that it would've been very difficult to tell Ron the locations of the Horcruxes over the four wizards' screams so she pulled some parchment out of her robes along with a quill and scratched out some notes. After a moment, she showed Harry the note and shouted in his ear so that he could hear what she was asking: "Does this look right to you?"
Harry quickly read the parchment.
"Slytherin's locket was at Borgin & Burkes, but was sold to an unknown wizard.
An unknown item is hidden under the orphanage where Riddle was raised.
Hufflepuff's cup is at number twelve, //Grimmauld Place//. (R. A. B. was Regulus Black, Sirius' brother)
Voldemort, the final Horcrux."
Harry silently nodded his head in approval and handed Hermione's note to Ron. After reading the note once (which took an abnormally long amount of time), Ron reread it again, this time, it appeared that he was counting off the Horcruxes. With a perplexed and somewhat pained look (Harry couldn't tell if the pained expression on his face was due to the fact that he just had to read something that wasn't homework or Quidditch related or not), Ron attempted to ask Harry and Hermione a question. Unfortunately, Harry couldn't hear what he was saying over the four wizards who were now panicking.
"To hell with this," Harry muttered and pointed his wand at the wizards. "/Finite/"
"Thank heaven," the first wizard exclaimed as he sat back down. "The monstrously huge bees have called off their attack"
"I've been cured!" the third wizard cried out.
The other two wizards sat down and appeared to be pretending as if nothing unusual had just happened.
"What was that Ron?" asked Hermione.
"There's only four," Ron answered.
"So?" asked Harry.
"Well including the diary that you destroyed in second year and the ring that Dumbledore destroyed last year; that only makes six." Ron explained. "I thought there was supposed to be seven of them?"
Harry and Hermione were taken back for two reasons; firstly, Ron was correct in the fact that they were one Horcrux short. And the second and more shocking reason; Ron was correct.
"Maybe we did the ritual wrong," speculated Hermione. "Perhaps we should do it again."
Harry's heart leapt up at the thought of Hermione's small hands wrapped around 'Harry, Jr.' and a goofy grin stretched across his face.
"Maybe I could do it too?" Ron asked hopefully.
The goofy grin quickly disappeared from Harry's face and he glowered at his friend. 'What the hell is he implying?' Harry thought.
"Just what are you implying, Ron?" Hermione demanded, scandalized.
"What? Wait?" Ron sputtered, noticing the shocked looks of his friends. "What's wrong with me wanting to help? Why can't I do the ritual?"
"Ron, weren't you listening to me back in the Common Room? Hermione asked. "I told you: Harry and I performed a... sex based ritual. That's why 'not you'!"
"Oh god, no, Hermione," Ron replied quickly. "Um... No, what I mean is that no I didn't really pay atten... that is understand you back there. But why can't I do the ritual? Not with you Hermione. I was thinking about giving Lav-Lav another go."
"What? Lavender Brown?" Hermione screeched, obviously upset with Ron and his choice of witches. Harry was just glad he wasn't propositioning Hermione. He loved Ron like a brother, but he had no intention of sharing Hermione with him. "She is a bubble-headed, silly girl," Hermione continued. "You will not date her again."
"Why not?" asked Ron.
"Because the only thing you two had in common was over-active hormones!"
"And that's a bad thing?"
"Yes!" Hermione called out. "You cannot have a relationship built strictly on lust, you have to have a relationship, a truly deep and meaningful connection. Like Harry and I do."
Harry tuned out his friends' argument; 'if you've hear them argue once, you've heard them enough' he rationalized. His mind drifted back to Godric's Hollow, the place where he and his family once lived. His heart was filled with anticipation and trepidation at the thought of visiting the house where he was born and where his parents were killed.
"The only way that I will allow you to even contemplate participating in any ritual," Hermione stated with authority, "will be after Harry and I find you a proper girl you can date.
"And that is final!" Hermione concluded, ending the argument.
The Bus suddenly stopped and a witch with four young children climbed on board. "Godric's Hollow, please," she said to the driver.
Harry was a little more than taken back; she wanted to go to Godric's Hollow like he did. Ever since he had first heard of Godric's Hollow, Harry had assumed that it was the name of the house he and his parents had lived in. Harry looked over to Hermione, who appeared to be having the same quandary as he. Ron however, was still concentrating over Hermione's dictate.
"I don't see why I can't have a say in who I'm allowed to date," Ron muttered sullenly. "At least let me have some input, please Hermione?" he pleaded.
"Perhaps, if you behave yourself," Hermione conceded, simply to stop the discussion.
Maybe, Harry thought, Godric's Hollow was the name of the village where his parents had lived. This seemed very possible because the Bus stopped again and the people who got on also wanted to go to Godric's Hollow. It seemed very feasible until Ron spoke up and said: "I haven't been here since I was a kid. I know it's kind of lame now that I've grown, but it's still cool." He then added very excitedly; "I can't wait to ride the stairway again!"
Before Harry or Hermione could ask Ron what he had meant, the Bus came to a screeching halt and the driver announced, "Godric's Hollow." Harry was the first of the trio to exit the Bus, and what he saw made him almost faint.
Harry stood in front of a large grey warehouse. There were a number of wizards and witches with their children that had formed a queue waiting to get into the building. This wasn't all that shocking, but the flashing sign hanging above the entrance to the warehouse was the thing that made Harry almost faint. The sign stated:
"Welcome to Godric's Hollow; Home of Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived! Watch Mr. and Mrs. Potter as they bravely try to fight off He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! Marvel at the miracle of You-Know-Who's downfall!
Ticket Prices:
Adults: 3 knuts
Children (11 and under) 2 knuts
Seniors (80 and older) 2 knuts."
"Excuse me, but either join the queue or get out of the way please," a witch with three children said to Harry as she pushed her way past him. The witch then stepped in the back of a line that went from the street where Harry had stepped off of the Bus to the entrance.
From inside the warehouse, Harry could hear shouts of excitement, cries of fear, and various explosions.
"What the bloody hell is this?" Hermione asked, giving voice to Harry's internal question.
"It's just a tourist ride," Ron explained, ignorant to the shock Harry was experiencing.
Harry wanted to hurt somebody. Hurt them very, very badly. He didn't care who that somebody was; he needed someone to hurt, very, very badly. Then Ron had the misfortune to offer "Hey I know, since I didn't get you a birthday present, how 'bout I buy you a glowing '/baby Harry/'?"
And the somebody that Harry needed to hurt very, very badly was going to be Ron.
To be continued. |
Title: 7th heaven surprise
Tags: Fiction, Lesbian
Introduction:
ruthie experiments
Content:
Several things had upset Ruthie Camden today, but mostly it was just two reasons. Her family and everyone else she knew treated her like she was 7 years old, when really she was 14. The second reason she was upset was Cecilia. Cecilia was Simon’s girlfriend before he left to go to college (even though he is only 16). Now she stuck around the house all the time with Ruthie’s mom, Annie, and Ruthie couldn’t help but be upset when her Mom spent all of her time with Cecilia and not her. Ruthie had been maturing a lot lately, and had been having confusing feelings.
Ruthie had just gotten home from school, and walked in the backdoor. She knew Lucy was still at school and her mom was the only one at home, before she could even tell her mom she was home she saw her in the living room laughing with Cecilia. Without a second glance Ruthie stomped up the stairs to her room. She sat in her room staring at the ceiling, not bothering to change out of the flannel skirt and white Polo shirt she had to wear as her school uniform. She heard the car outside. She walked over to the widow and glanced outside surprised to see her mom pulling their van out of the driveway.
BODY:
Ruthie walked out into the hall guessing Cecilia had gone with her mom and felt it was finally safe to go downstairs. Before she could though she heard noises coming from her parent’s room. Ruthie crept to the door and cracked it slightly peeking in. Ruthie looked in to see Cecilia standing at her mother’s wooden dresser slowly opening one of the drawers. Seeing Cecilia like this made Ruthie realize why her brother had liked her so much Ruthie couldn‘t help but think she was gorgeous. She was wearing a white tank top and tight blue jeans that made her legs look longer than Ruthie thought hers would ever be, and her brown eyes shown brightly from under her long blonde hair. Ruthie’s eyes widened a little as it dawned on her what drawer she had opened it was her mother’s underwear drawer.
Ruthie watched as Cecilia ran her hands slowly over the lacey underwear inside, until she seemed to find what she was looking for. Ruthie instantly felt her knees weaken as she realized what Cecilia had found. Ruthie felt a funny knot growing in her stomach as she looked at the pale white vibrator that must be her mom’s. Cecilia felt its weight carefully and brought it up to her nose seeming to enjoy its aroma. Gently Cecilia clicked the vibrator on and felt it buzzing against her cheek for a moment. Ruthie traced the inside of her own legs as she watched Cecilia running the toy up and down her body. Ruthie felt her knees weaken even more as Cecilia traced its tip up her stomach pulling up her shirt slowly up until she exposed a white bra, which began to trace with her toy.
Ruthie felt the knot in her stomach jump as her knees gave out and her shoulder went colliding into the door. It happened fast, but the moment afterward seemed to last for an eternity. Both girls stood frozen until finally Cecilia managed to find thoughts long enough to let her shirt fall and turn off the vibrator throwing it back in the drawer. Ruthie finally stood using the bed to help her up and looked at Cecilia who was now looking at the ground with a pale face.
“Uh…how long were you out there?” Cecilia finally managed to stammer.
Ruthie’s words caught in her throat for a moment, “a while…” she said softly.
“I…I don’t know why I was doing it…its just lately I’ve been having all these confusing feelings, especially around your Mom…”, this struck a cord with Ruthie. “Are…are you going to tell anyone?” Cecilia’s voice shook as she said this.
“I-I don’t know,” Ruthie said finally.
Cecilia looked up at Ruthie for the first time noticing that her nipples were hard enough to notice through the material of shirt, at this Cecilia got an idea, Cecilia had been having some strange feelings lately just like she told Ruthie, and she though just maybe that she might be able to see what it actually felt like to be with another girl. She timidly walked closer to Ruthie noticing that there was at least 4 inches of height difference, “Ruthie do you ever get confusing feelings, like about other girls?”
Ruthie felt her self nod and Cecilia drew closer to her, “Do you ever get really hot between your legs when you around another girl?” Ruthie nodded again and she looked up at Cecilia. “Are you sure there is nothing I can do to keep you from telling anyone?”
Cecilia slowly bent down and kissed Ruthie on lips letting her tongue slide out and meet the young girls lips. She held herself there for a moment and then pulled back, “Do you want me to stop?” Ruthie’s brown eyes looked backed into hers intently as she shook her head no.
Cecilia leaned in and kissed Ruthie again this time Ruthie opened her own mouth allowing Cecilia’s tongue to explore her mouth. Their lips fell into perfect unison as Ruthie’s own tongue slowly entered Cecilia’s mouth and tasted the sweetness of her lips. Cecilia finally broke the kiss and step back, Ruthie’s disappointment turned into excitement as Cecilia slowly pulled her shirt over her head. Her white satin bra and perky breast sent chills running across Ruthie’s body.
Cecilia unbuttoned the top button of her jeans and slowly slid them down her body as she watched Ruthie’s eyes growing wider. Cecilia straightened herself allowed Ruthie to take in her white thong. She turned slightly letting Ruthie’s eyes wander down her backside over her round tight bum. Cecilia smiled at how much Ruthie seemed to be enjoying herself. Cecilia felt herself getting excited as her own eyes wandered down Ruthie’s body. Everyone treated her much younger than she really was, To Cecilia she seemed to be very mature. Cecilia found her self looking at her breast They were about an A cup, but Cecilia felt her self wanting them; Cecilia knew the best part was her short skirt and her smooth legs underneath it.
Ruthie felt the heat between her legs growing as Cecilia came and stood in front of her. Ruthie noticed the top of her head came to Cecilia’s chin, and Cecilia’s perfect looking breast were right in front of her. Ruthie’s excitement, confusion, and nervousness were all melting into one intense emotion. Ruthie looked into Cecilia’s face and she smiled back at Ruthie gently picking up her hand and placing it on her breast. Ruthie’s heart race as she felt Cecilia’s breast in her hand.. She gently cupped her hand over Cecilia’s bra squeezing her breast gently. She ran her fingers along the edge of her bra making Cecilia shiver and making both girls giggle.
Ruthie leaned her head forward slightly then looked up at Cecilia. Cecilia smiled and nodded and Ruthie’s soft lips met Cecilia’s skin. Cecilia shivered a second time at the feeling of having a girls lips kissing her chest so softly. Ruthie’s hair tickled Cecilia pleasantly as the two lips began to grow more bold suckling softly on her skin. Ruthie’s tongue began to dance gently across her skin as well causing a breath of air to escape suddenly from Cecilia’s mouth.
Ruthie’s hand came to the edge of Cecilia’s bra and tugged slightly. Ruthie looked into Cecilia’s face again and Cecilia more than willing reached behind her own back and unclasp her bra letting it slide down her arms and hit the floor. Ruthie’s face lit up at the sight and Cecilia smiled as Ruthie placed her fingertips on her naked breast. Ruthie’s fingers massaged Cecilia’s breast gently for a moment before Ruthie’s anxious lips fell upon her nipple. Cecilia gasped as she felt her lips enclose around her nipple and begin sucking.
The sweet taste of Cecilia’s nipple filled Ruthie’s mouth as she sucked gently on it. Her hand played with Cecilia’s other breast as her tongue fluttered across Cecilia’s nipple. Ruthie’s fingers pulled playfully on Cecilia’s nipple as she nibbled softly on the one in her mouth. Ruthie pulled her head away long enough to bring it to Cecilia’s other nipple while her hands traced along Cecilia’s sides and down to her thong. Cecilia’s hand moved to Ruthie’s head pushing her lips even more so onto her breast, as her other hand ran down Ruthie’s back and felt her tight bum.
Cecilia bathed in the pleasure of having Ruthie’s lips and tongue caressing her nipple as her hands ran along her thong tickling her cheeks. Cecilia gasped as Ruthie softly nibbled again on her nipple and Ruthie’s hands moved around to Cecilia’s inner thighs. Ruthie looked up into Cecilia’s face, but instead of receiving a nod Cecilia bent and kissed Ruthie’s lips. Ruthie’s fingers wandered up her inner thighs until they reached her pussy. Ruthie rubbed softly on her pussy lips as her other hand cupped one of her ass cheeks. Her fingers pressed harder into her pussy as they rubbed and Cecilia let out a soft moan into Ruthie’s lips as they kissed.
After a moment more Cecilia broke the kiss and stepped back separating her pussy and Ruthie’s hand lastly. Cecilia looked at Ruthie and smiled, “You know, I thought I was supposed to be doing something for you. But you’ve been the one giving all the pleasure to me,” Cecilia smiled seductively and moved back in front of Ruthie. Slowly Cecilia pulled Ruthie’s shirt up above her head revealing Ruthie’s white bra. Cecilia smiled at how sexy she looked, her breast were smaller than Cecilia’s, but were perky and managed to be very sexy. Cecilia kissed Ruthie softly as her hands crept gently across her back and unclasped her bra.
Ruthie let her bra fall to the floor as Cecilia stepped back and admired Ruthie’s breast. Ruthie blushed as Cecilia’s eyes widened just as hers had so many times tonight. Cecilia moved past Ruthie and lied down on her parent’s bed.
“Come here,” Cecilia said sweetly as she patted the spot on the bed next to her. Ruthie starred momentarily at Cecilia, not believing how she had gotten in this situation or even how much she was enjoying it. Ruthie kicked off her shoes and laid down next to Cecilia on the bed. Cecilia ran her fingers along Ruthie’s stomach for a moment then spoke softly, “What can I do for you?” She asked, “Hmm.” Cecilia moved her lips over Ruthie’s exposed breast and then looked back up at Ruthie and winking before placing her lips on Ruthie’s hard nipple.
Ruthie let out a moan in surprise. Cecilia giggled and continued sucking on Ruthie’s nipples. Ruthie looked down at Cecilia’s sexy form laying on top of her. Her breast pressed into Ruthie’s stomach and her butt swayed softly in the air as her lips and tongue danced across Ruthie’s chest. Goosebumps rippled through her body as Cecilia’s blonde hair tickled her chest.
Cecilia ran one set of finger along Ruthie’s body as the other set of fingers played with her other nipple. She felt Ruthie’s hard nipple gently with her tongue as she tasted it. Cecilia felt Ruthie’s hand on the back of her head pressing her lips harder onto Ruthie’s nipple, while Ruthie’s other hand caressed the skin of her back gently. Cecilia looked up a Ruthie and smiled, “I think I know what I can do for you.” Slowly Cecilia began to plant kisses down Ruthie’s body. She continued past her skirt placing her head underneath it she could see Ruthie’s white cotton panties.
Cecilia felt her heart racing as she planted kisses all the way across Ruthie’s panties, and over her already moist mound. Cecilia had always wanted to do this and she was finally about to get her chance. Carefully she laid down between Ruthie’s legs and pulled Ruthie’s panties down until they were off, and threw them to their pile of clothes. Next she reached up to the top of Ruthie’s skirt and unbuttoned it. She pulled apart Ruthie’s skirt and revealed her pussy. Cecilia ran her fingertips over the soft light brown pubic hairs which covered only a small area at the top.
Cecilia heard Ruthie gasp almost as soon as she touched her sensitive lips. She looked up to see Ruthie watching excitedly, not wanting to disappoint her young friend Cecilia continued. She gently pushed Ruthie’s legs apart and brought her face close enough to smell the sweet fragrance coming from her pussy. She took a deep breath through her nostrils immensely enjoying the aroma. Slowly she traced one finger along the of Ruthie’s pussy. Ruthie gasped loudly and followed with a moan when Cecilia traced a line down the middle of her pussy lips.
Ruthie never knew that her body could feel this good as Cecilia lay between her legs fingering her pussy gently. Ruthie let out a moan nearly every other breath or so before she was able to accustom herself to such pleasure. Ruthie felt her finger dashing along the sides of her pussy lips, and it finally reached a point at the top where Ruthie was forced to let out a especially loud moan. Cecilia looked up and giggled, “That’s called your clitoris.” She rubbed it between to of her fingers again.
After another loud moan Ruthie finally managed, “Ooh yeah, I like that.”
Cecilia laughed and rubbed it again causing another moan to escape from Ruthie. Cecilia smiled and finally started to do what she had wanted to do. Cecilia moved her face closer to Ruthie’s pussy and opened her mouth allowing her tongue to slide across Ruthie’s tiny clitoris. Cecilia brought her tongue back to her mouth slowly, tasting her sweet juices and loving her moaning. She returned her mouth to Ruthie’s pussy and slowly began to kiss and suck her clitoris as well as her pussy lips.
Cecilia place Ruthie’s leg over her shoulder and wrapped her arm around it caressing her thigh softly and allowing her more room to eat her pussy. Cecilia’s other hand began to wander down and finger her own pussy. Her tongue slid up and down the length of her pussy stopping only to allow Ruthie time to breath. Cecilia felt Ruthie place her hand on the back of her head pressing harder into her pussy. Cecilia licked her juices gently with her tongue savoring its flavor, while Ruthie bucked slightly under her mouth. She continued carefully on Ruthie’s pussy afraid if she went any faster that Ruthie might pass out.
Ruthie felt Cecilia’s tongue move gently across her clitoris then her lips bringing it gently into her mouth sucking and nibbling on it until Ruthie thought she was going to die from pleasure. After nearly a minute of sucking her clitoris Ruthie felt it rising inside. She knew what it must be, and finally she screamed as it crashed down over her. Her whole body shook with it and she felt it exploding from her pussy. She felt Cecilia’s gentle hand caressing her, and Cecilia’s mouth continuing to savor her juices as she came.
Cecilia felt Ruthie collapse when she was finally done, and gently as not to cause to much more stimulation she cleaned the rest of her pussy then crawled up next to her on the bed. Ruthie looked at her and smiled. Cecilia caressed Ruthie’s chest and stomach gently as she rested.
Ruthie laid not moving under Cecilia’s touch as she ran her fingers over her. She couldn’t believe this had happened, but she knew she was glade it did. |
Title: 7th Period with my Science Teacher
Tags: Fantasy
Introduction:
Hey people, this is my first story...ever, so can u please tell me how I can Improve it! :)
Content:
Mr. Klenam was ,or is, one of those teachers that gets you wet instantly! The ones that are fun, cute, sexy, etc. As soon as I saw him, I knew this year was going to be fun!
I had no trouble finding Mr. Klenams class, It was right next to my 6th period, so all I had to do was go next door! It was the first day of school at KingsDen Middle, my first day f 7th grade. The day had dragged on and I was tired from being bored to death by my math teacher, Mr. Slijer.
I walked into the classroom and the scent of man slapped me in the face. I ignored all the stares from the others and sat down in the first row. I was really self conscious because when I was small I use to get raped :( My hair was long and black, I was a size 34C and playing so much soccer payed off. My ass was great, my legs were long and toned! I was a godess. 'Lets hope guys think so too!' I thought to myself. Then, I saw him ,he walked in with a green button up shirt tucked loosley into his black suit pants. His hair was brown, he looked kind of old, maybe in his 30's? But he was still hot! He even looked like he was fit!
He introduced himself and took attendance. I felt myself getting wet. I tried to calm myself down but pictures of me and Mr. Klenam were popping up in my head. And they werent pretty! He started talking about the rules and procedures of the class, I just closed my eyes and dreamed of kissing his lips and hearing his voice in my ear! Before I knew it, I was dripping wet ,but luckily my jeans didnt show.
And thats how it was for the first few days... I walked into class, sat down, and when the bell rang I would stare at the door until Mr. Klenam entered. My pussy would get wet while I fantasized. I even tried to flirt with him! Once, I got up to sharpen my pencil, and since the sharpeners right next to his desk, I purposly dropped my pencil just so I could bend down to get it. My perfect ass facing him. I acted inoccent when I got up and pretended to not notice his clenched fist and the redness in his cheeks. Obviously my friends knew what I was up to! They teased me and I slapped them, ^_^.
After a week we got a quiz, obviously I didnt try, and when Mr. Klenam gave them back to us the next day, I had a F. The bell rang and everyone started to leave, except for me, I sayed behnd and even unbuttoned my shirt a bit to expose my pink lace bra. I waited until the others left then went up to the teachers desk. "Mr. Klenam, why did you give me a F?!" I said inocently, biting my lip and leaning towards him. "Uh ,well you didnt try, and your anwsers didnt make sense! For number 6 you put Metamorphic rocks are created by lmnopqrstuvwxyz!? I sighed, "Is there anything I can do for extra credit?" I asked pouting my lips. "Actually, there is one thing," he winked at me,"but its really nasty!". My heart started to pound, my body started to heat up. "I dont mind if its dirty." "Okay, good come here," He walked towards a desk and lifted it up. He flipped it and exposed 3 years worth of gum stuck to its bottom."Oh, I saidd, surprised, and disapointed, "Just scrape it off with a pencil, Ill give you a b+ if you cand do all the desks, oh heres a pencil!" He told me, he flipped the desk back and one of the legs caught on to my shirt, ripping the buttons of and breaking my bra in half!
My two breast instantly popped out and his hand accidently touched one. I saw how tight his pants got. My hand instantly reached for the buldge. He dropped the desk and I threw myself at him. His lips touched mine and he quickly ripped the rest of my bra and shirt off. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and did the same. His hand went straight for my pants next. I pulled away and did it myself. Once we were both undresssed we made out again. He pushed me into the timeout room wich was small, it had a table, a chair and nice flat floor. We were both panting by the time I was on my hands and feet with him behind me.I felt my pussy start to drip with my juices. I braced myself as I felt something rock hard touch my lips. He moaned, aand I moand. "You dont know how long Ive been waiting to pound your tight pussy!" I heard him growl behind me. "Fuck, yes, please! Pound my pussy with your dick!" I begged. His hands were on my hips. I felt him go inside me. "Oh! Fuck yes!" I whined as he went faster, His hands started to play with my breast. "Oh god your so tight, your so fucking tight!" I felt his giant dick go deeper inside me. I started to scream. I felt like coming... "Oh god! Im gonna come!" I started to whimper. "Oh, me too." We came at the same time. I poured my juices all over the place and he filled me up with his skeet.
When we finished, we were both in shock, what the hell did we just do?! "Shit. You better not say a word about this!" I panted. "Hell no." Was all he said. "I need another shirt by the way," I told him. "Ill go get you another one." He got dressed and left with a wink.
I smiled and sighed. This year was gunna b fun! |
Title: 7 - My High School Sweetheart’s Little Sister -pt. 7 (Stacy’s turn)
Tags: Fiction, Female/Female, First Time, Male / Female Teens, Male/Teen Female, Young
Introduction:
This is the seventh chapter of this story from my late teens, where my girlfriend’s little sister made it through puberty only to lose her innocence due to my uncontrollable lust for her. In this chapter, Cindy’s friend Stacy gets her turn to play.
Content:
.
——————-—-—— Part 7: Stacy’s Turn ———————-——
... I was still sitting on the floor, with my pants down to my ankles. I saw Stacy jump into the pool, and Cindy strip off her sweater dress and follow her into the water.
It seemed to be an excellent time for a swim... I took off my pants and joined them.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Although the patio lights were off, the pool lights were on, so I could see the girls pretty clearly in the water. They were laughing and bouncing around, splashing each other at every turn. I dove into the deep end and swam underwater over to them. I could see underwater that they had stopped playing, seeing me swimming towards them, and they turned to face me. I think they wanted to see which of them I would swim to, but I swam right between them, grabbing one with each arm and pulling them underwater. I could hear them squeal before their heads hit the water. We wrestled under the water for a few moments, and when I stood back up Cindy sprang out of the water in front of me. Stacy came up out of the water behind me and immediately reached out and grabbed me, pulling her body up tight against my back. Cindy saw this and jumped forward on me, wrapping her arms around my neck, and her legs around my waist. With Stacy tight against my back, Cindy's legs ended up wrapping around Stacy as well and pulled her tighter against me. I could feel Stacy's soft breasts and erect nipples against my back, and Cindy's open pussy pressed against my tummy, right above my dick, which was recovering quite quickly.
...and I didn’t have anything exciting planned this weekend
Cindy pulled herself up and started kissing me, and I think it left Stacy a bit out of the picture. She moved her hands down Cindy's back and reached for my dick below Cindy's little butt. My dick was hardening up between Cindy's ass cheeks and Stacy started rubbing it with one hand while grabbing Cindy's ass with the other. Cindy kept kissing me, thrusting her tongue deeper in my mouth as she rocked her little box on the base of my dick.
Suddenly Stacy released me and backed off from us. “You guys are being really mean!” Cindy’s tongue pulled out from my mouth and she looked over my shoulder at Stacy, “What’s wrong Stace?” Stacy went to the end of the pool, facing away from us. We swam over to her; she was obviously feeling left out.
“I’m sorry, Stacy... it wasn’t intentional”, I said to her as I swam up behind her and wrapped my arms around her, sliding my hands up to her breasts.
Cindy reached out to her, “Stace- we didn’t mean to leave you out. I’m sorry.”
Stacy didn’t respond. She just pushed me away and climbed up out of the pool.
Cindy climbed out and followed her over to the corner of the patio. I stayed in the pool and watched them talking. After a few minutes they hugged and Stacy walked into the house. The brief view of the two of them hugging, wet and naked, stuck in my mind.
I climbed out of the pool and walked over to Cindy. “Everything okay?”
"Stace just feels like we are ignoring her, and I think she is still mad at me for nearly choking her to death", Cindy said with a small laugh. "I told her I was really sorry for that, and that we didn't mean to leave her out. I said I would do anything to make it up to her. She said 'let me think about it'. She's inside making us more drinks"
... 'More drinks', I thought to myself, as though that was going to calm down any emotions
Cindy walked over to the cabana and grabbed some towels. We dried off and went inside to see Stacy behind the bar making us all more Rum & Cokes. We were both wrapped in towels, but Stacy was still naked and dripping wet. I carried a towel to Stacy behind the bar and offered it to her. "I am really sorry I hurt you. I should have stopped but it felt so good... I just... I just couldn't stop."
Stacy kept working on the drinks and ignored the towel. "I'm thinking of a way you two could make it up to me."
"Anything... seriously, Stacy, I would do anything you ask. Especially after that fantastic blowjob."
"Anything", Cindy added, "you are my bestest friend ever and I feel really bad."
Stacy looked at each of us. "Okay then... now it is MY turn to be in charge. You two have to do everything I say."
—————-————- Princess Stacy ——————-————
I laughed and smiled widely at the thought, but Cindy looked a little concerned.
I bowed my head, "You are my new master, Stacy. I will obey every command."
Cindy giggled a little at hearing this. "Yes, Princess Stace, Grand Master of the Deep Throat, please tell us your wishes", then she wrinkled up her nose and stuck her tongue out at Stacy.
Stacy turned towards me, "Well, first thing, dry me off. I'm tired of standing here all wet."
I took the towel and dried her off. I paid special attention to her legs and sparse bush, and those little round breasts. She almost lost her balance a few times as I dried her. She was pretty drunk, and just made more drinks. "Can I get you a robe?" I asked after drying her.
"No thank you. I'm quite comfortable the way I am."
She had definitely regained her self confidence, or was putting on a pretty good show. I looked over at Cindy and was happy to see she was smiling.
Stacy walked out from behind the bar and directed us to grab our drinks. Cindy and I obliged, and I carried the last drink over to Stacy, who was now standing naked in the middle of the room. “Okay, first thing... why am I the only one naked?” She took her drink, and lunged at my towel with her other hand, spilling her drink in the process when I stepped back by reaction.
“You two promised you would do anything I said!”
Cindy laughed at this, and looked at me and rolled her eyes. "Certainly, Princess Good-Head", and dropped her towel. I took mine off too, and my dick was already at half-mast. Seeing these two drunk young girls standing naked in the room kicked it up a notch. Stacy was pretty fucking hot (I would fuck her in a heartbeat), but I was madly in lust for Cindy... her petite little body and those puffy points up high on her chest drove me crazy.
Stacy walked over to where my clothes were crumpled on the floor and pointed. We looked down and my keys had fallen out of the pockets of my jeans. Beside the keys was the pack of condoms I bought earlier at the 7-11.
"Exactly what is that?" Stacy said, still pointing. "Are you expecting to FUCK one of us tonight?" This caught me off guard, and I wasn't sure how to respond. Stacy looked down at my growing erection and pointed at it. "That big thing of yours is saying that is EXACTLY what you were expecting." She picked up the pack of condoms and waved them in my face. I looked over at Cindy and couldn't tell what she was thinking.
Stacy walked around us and picked up the towels from the floor. I thought she was just cleaning up, but she took them over and spread them out on the pool table. She jumped up and sat on the towels, and leaned back, resting on her elbows. She was still holding the pack of condoms, and shook them in the air as she opened her legs slightly.
"I can think of something you could do to make it up to me"
My dick jumped at the comment, and I fixed my gaze looking up between her open legs. Watching my eyes, she opened her legs wider, fully exposing her little pussy. Her meaty lips stood out from the wisps of hair surrounding them, and I could see lube leaking out and running down to her ass. Stacy ran her hand down her pussy, catching some of the lube, and rubbed it up and down her opening, then slid one finger inside. She added another finger, slid them in and out a few times, then pulled them out and spread her lips open so I could see her little open hole.
My cock hardened to full attention, and I took a step towards her.
Cindy jumped in, obviously concerned at the sudden turn in our ‘game’, "Stace! Are you crazy? You're a virgin... and you barely know Jeff!"
"I don’t want to be a virgin... and after everything you’ve told me I feel like I know him better than any other guy I know. Anyway, I have been left out of the fun tonight... it's my turn!"
Cindy looked at me with a blank stare of concern, then shot a look at Stacy and blurted out, "You told me you haven't ever had anyone go down on you before!... I'm sure Jeff would do that for you! He’s really good at it!"
They both looked at me for my response, but I just smiled widely and walked over and grabbed Stacy by the ankles. I pulled her towards the edge of the pool table until her butt was hard up against the bumpers. Holding her legs straight, I spread her legs further apart, and lifted them high above her head. Her little pussy was spread wide, and soaking wet. My hard cock was dripping wet too, and inches away from her open pussy. Stacy's eyes were wide, staring at my cock so close to her virgin hole, unsure of my next move.
Looking over at Cindy, I could see she was also concerned, but obviously excited at what she was watching.
"Cindy, could you do me a favor?"
Cindy just looked at me, "Um... how.. what do you..."
"Can you crawl up on the pool table and help me hold her legs?"
They both shot looks at each other, then Cindy crawled up on the table and knelt behind Stacy's head, and reached out to grab her legs.
"Come closer", I asked Cindy, and she scooted forward and grabbed Stacy's ankles.
"Perfect!"
... I liked the way this was headed
Stacy looked up at Cindy, hovering naked above her head. I don't know how close these two had been up until now, but I'm sure they were both learning much more about each other tonight.
I slid my hands down Stacy's soft legs to each side of her little box, and spread it open. Her pussy gaped a little, about the size of my finger.
... I hoped that gape would be expanding as the night went on
I rubbed my fingers around her opening, and slowly slid my index finger inside her. Stacy gasped, then closed her eyes. Her tiny pussy was sopping wet, with that slick "pre-climax" lube, making it fairly easy to add a second finger. I worked two fingers into her and started sliding my fingers in and out of her tight little hole, and bent down to lick her clit. Once my tongue touched her button she gasped loudly and her whole body flinched. I pulled my fingers out of her and replaced them with my tongue, thrusting it deep inside her pussy, then sucking on her large labia, and back to her clit. I worked on her with my mouth for several minutes, then slid my fingers inside her again and started stroking the upper wall, finding her G-spot... the whole time Stacy’s body was flinching and moving around to my touch. I kept walking my fingers against her G-Spot and I felt it swell up. Stacy started moaning and grabbed my head and pulled it tighter against her, lightly grinding her pussy against my mouth. "Oh... fuck! That feels really good... yes..." Her G-Spot was swelling up like mad... I had never felt a girl swell up like this... I increased the pressure and speed of my fingers, and started eating her more aggressively, but thought I was getting too rough when her hands left my head.
... that wasn’t why she moved her hands
I looked up and Stacy's hands were now reaching behind her, grabbing Cindy's ass and pulling Cindy closer to her. Her head was arched back, her mouth open, and she was looking straight up between Cindy's legs. Cindy was staring down at her in a daze, but she was arching her hips forward, closer to Stacy, and her knees were sliding further apart.
"Oh FUCK!...JEFF!... I’m... you’re gonna make me CUM!”
Stacy started bucking against my mouth, and I fucked her harder with my fingers. I sucked greedily on her pussy, and suddenly a gush of fluid filled my mouth and covered my face. I first thought she had just peed on me, but it didn't taste or smell like pee, and I was so fucking horny I don't think I would have minded if was. I just continued ravaging her pussy, enjoying every moment.
Stacy's body started convulsing, and I could see that she had pulled Cindy so close that Cindy's pussy was just inches above her face. "FUCK!.... EAT MY PUSSY!!! OH GOD!! ...JEFF!!" She rode her climax gripping Cindy's ass tightly, trying to pull her down onto her face. A minute longer and I think Cindy would have gone there, but when Stacy's body slumped after her strong orgasm, Cindy scooted back immediately. I pulled my mouth back from her pussy and slid my fingers out, her body twitching with each movement. I looked at Cindy and smiled widely... She smiled back but quickly broke eye contact. She looked embarrassed at what just happened.
... well, what had almost just happened
I took Stacy's legs from Cindy, and continued to hold them open, looking down at her swollen pussy gaping open, twice the size and twice as wet as before, and my rock hard cock just inches away. I could fuck her right now. I know I could work my cock into her... her body was tiny, but her pussy was primed and ready. I saw a large drop of pre-cum ooze out the end of my cock. I relaxed my grip on her legs and let them drop, but Stacy held them open for me. I bent down and sucked on her little titties... those soft round mounds with the huge areolas.. I sucked on her nipples until they were plump and erect. Pulling back, I started stroking my cock right at the entrance of her open pussy. Stacy reached over and grabbed the pack of condoms still sitting there from earlier, looked at me with lust in her eyes and nodded... ‘fuck me’...
Cindy was watching this, still kneeling on the pool table above Stacy's head, and broke my lustful trance, "No! This isn't supposed to be the way it happens! You are supposed to take MY virginity, not Stacy's!"
I snapped out of it and realized how rude I was being to Cindy, a girl I loved and would never want to hurt. "God, Cindy... I was getting a little carried away. I'm sorry... I... I'm just a very horny guy and I kinda lose it when my dick takes over. You have to admit... this is pretty erotic.”
I walked around and picked her up off the pool table and held her. Stacy was still on her back, holding her legs spread open for me.
"What the hell? Really? So I get ignored again?", Stacy said as she pulled herself up from the pool table and got back on her feet. "Cin, you said you didn't think you were ready. That Jeff was too big and you didn't think you could do it."
"I know... I want to, but... he's so big, and I'm so small... I'm scared." Then she looked at me, "I really do want to make love with you... maybe we could try?" Then she looked at me a little sideways, "Jeff, you are soaking wet!" Cindy looked back at the pool table and the towel was soaked where Stacy had been laying. Stacy shot over and grabbed the towels from the pool table, quickly wiping up any evidence.
"That was probably me. I sometimes get really wet when I cum." Stacy mumbled, and turned bright red. She grabbed her drink from the bar and took a big gulp, obviously very embarrassed.
"I loved it, Stacy... I thought it was really erotic."
... I didn't really know what had happened, but it was pretty fucking hot
"Well, you brought rubbers to the party, so ONE of us is going to lose their virginity tonight", Stacy blurted out, then took another gulp of her drink.
"We could try. Maybe... just take it slow and be gentle?" Cindy offered to me.
"Great! So you two try to do it, and if you can't... then Jeff can fuck me with that big old dick of his!", Stacy stammered out... she was getting sloppy drunk.
Cindy looked at me with great concern. I was certain I would not be able to get my cock inside her tiny pussy. My finger was too big for her.... no way... not tonight anyway.
Cindy smiled and grabbed the towel I dried Stacy with and laid it on the pool table, and motioned for me to come to her. She stood up on her tiptoes and kissed me, then dropped to her knees and put the head of my cock in her mouth. She started sucking on my cock and was trying to take it in deeper, but was only able to take a few inches in before gagging.
This got Stacy's attention and she stumbled over. "You're doing it wrong Cin, You need to take it deeper!", she said in a sarcastic tone.
She came up behind me and pressed her naked body against my back, reaching around me to Cindy's head, which was up against the pool table. Grabbing Cindy's hair, she pulled her head roughly against me, and Cindy gagged hard when the head of my cock hit the back of her throat. This felt fantastic, but I didn't want Cindy to be abused like Stacy had been. I backed up and pulled my cock out from Cindy's mouth, picked her up and set her on the pool table. She laid back on the table and brought her legs up; that beautiful little pussy in full view. Stacy came around to the side and stared blatantly at Cindy's tiny pink slit.
"There's no fucking way that big old dick is gonna fit in there!", Stacy mumbled, and reached out and touched Cindy's pussy, pulling it further open to get a better look at the size of her opening.
Cindy’s mouth dropped open and looked at Stacy like 'WTF?'. She looked back at me, then reached over and grabbed a condom and tried to unwrap it. After a moment or two of trying, Stacy impatiently grabbed it from her, ripped the packet open and handed me the condom. I started unrolling the condom on my dick, but Stacy grabbed it and worked it on the rest of the way; about 2/3 the way up the shaft.
"See? The fucking rubber barely fits! There's no way that's gonna fit in that tiny pussy of yours, Cin."
... Stacy's drunk comments weren't helping the romantic setting for Cindy's first time
—————-————- Cindy’s attempt ——————-————
"Be gentle...", Cindy said, looking a little scared.
I reached over and slid two fingers into Stacy's pussy, and came back with a nice amount of her lube, and rubbed it all over the condom. Stacy laughed, then licked her fingers and rubbed her wet fingers all over Cindy's little slit. Cindy gasped at her touch, but didn't stop her.
I laid my cock on top of Cindy's opening and started gently sliding it up and down the length of her pussy, which was actually only about 2-1/2” from top to bottom. Cindy closed her eyes and laid her head back.
Looking down at her tiny body... that little pink slit, spread open for my cock... unbelievable... my 8” cock looked absolutely obscene in proportion to this petite little girl.
Stacy decided she was too far from the action and crawled up on the pool table on the right of Cindy, and reached out with both hands on either side of Cindy's pussy and spread it wide for my cock. Cindy opened her eyes and stared at me, wide-eyed, then looked over at Stacy's ass, which was right beside her.
I placed the head of my cock at Cindy's little opening and started pushing gently, rocking back and forth. Stacy's eyes were locked on my cock pushing against her friend's little pussy... she reached her hand down to her own, and pulled it back cupping a small puddle of lube in her fingers, "Here, use this", and grabbed my cock with her other hand, pulling it away from Cindy. Stacy held her hand over Cindy's little hole and let the lube drip down directly in her opening, and rubbed it in place all over Cindy's pussy, then slid her middle finger inside her. “Oh My God, Cin! You’re so fucking tight!”
Cindy gasped, and by the look on her face she had never seen this side of her friend. I had to admit I was shocked at how bold this young girl was.
Stacy moved her hands back to the sides of Cindy's pussy and spread it wide again for me. I slapped my cock down on Cindy’s slit, which made her jump, then started pushing the head into her little hole. I was having little success... the head was barely inside her and I could see Cindy was in a bit of pain.
"Push harder!", Stacy directed, impatiently.
"Ouch! Be gentle... that kind of hurts"
I looked down and the head of my cock was only in about half way. We all knew this wasn't going to happen, but Cindy wanted to keep trying. I started rocking a little more and pushed harder against her.
"OUCH!... Jeff... I'm sorry... but that really hurts.”
I pulled my cock out and the head had lost all color and was squished down to about half its normal size. This wasn't going to happen very quickly.
Stacy sat up, "I told you that big dick was never going to fit in you." She then laid down on the table beside Cindy, scooted up to the edge, and raised her legs. Using both of her hands, she reached down and spread herself open for me to see. Stacy's little pussy looked so much larger and mature than Cindy's, especially with her swollen labia. She was sopping wet, primed and ready for my cock.
"Okay! My turn... let's see if you can fit that big thing in here!", and with that, she slid two fingers inside her pussy, and started masturbating.
I looked over at Cindy and was surprised when she just shrugged.
She was clearly frustrated, but had a look of lust on her face and was staring intently at her friend masturbating. I asked her, “Are you really okay with this?”
She nodded her head, “As long as I can watch”, and laughed.
She sat up, and knelt beside Stacy, like Stacy had done with her. I moved over and stood between Stacy's open legs and slapped my cock on her meaty little pussy.
"Spread her open for me"
Cindy hesitated for a moment, then leaned forward and placed her tiny hands on each side of Stacy's pussy and pulled the lips open. "Jeeze, Stace... your lips are so much bigger than mine. I look like I haven't even reached puberty compared to you."
"I dunno, Cin.. your pussy looked pretty damn hot to me" Stacy replied, and reached over and slapped Cindy on the ass.
This was getting too much for me. My cock was rock hard... I needed to fuck her now. I put the head against her small opening and started rocking. The head slipped in almost immediately, but the thicker shaft stopped short. Stacy took a deep breath, "Oh, Fuck!... you are so big... but it feels good... just go slow..."
I pulled back, then pushed forward with a little more pressure, and my cock came again to an abrupt halt at the thicker shaft. I grabbed Cindy's right hand from the side of Stacy's pussy and placed it directly on the center, and moved it around.
Stacy moaned, “That feels good... keep doing that..." I wasn't sure if she was talking to Cindy or to me, but I kept rocking my cock against her pussy, increasing the pressure each time I pushed in. I noticed Stacy's hand was still on Cindy's ass where she had slapped her. Cindy didn't seem to mind, or at least didn't move it, and continued to rub Stacy's pussy.
God, she was so fucking tight... I grabbed Stacy's hips and pulled her against me, pushing my cock harder at her tight opening. "Does that hurt?"
"Maybe a little, but it feels good... don't stop..."
...I thought to myself, maybe it doesn’t hurt now, but I bet you are gonna be pretty damn sore tomorrow
I reached out and pulled Cindy towards me. She scooted forward on her knees and kissed me, sticking her tongue deep in my mouth. I reached between her legs and rubbed her pussy... she was very wet... I noticed she was rubbing Stacy more aggressively, and Stacy's hand was still on her ass. I kept pushing harder into Stacy, and finally felt my cock slip a little further into her pussy. Stacy gasped loudly, "OH.. FUCK... that feels so fucking big... God..." I held my cock there for a moment.
I reached out and grabbed Cindy by her legs and lifted her petite body up, and sat her back down straddling Stacy, placing her knees on either side of Stacy’s ribs. Cindy was shocked at the move and sat up straight for a moment, but I reached out to her and pulled her in for another kiss. I knew this would arch her body so her pussy and ass would be open and exposed inches above Stacy’s face.
I moved my hands back to Stacy's hips and pulled her harder against my cock and started pumping further into her. I was glad that we were all rather drunk... these girls were allowing things they would have never done sober. Stacy now had both hands on Cindy's ass, and Cindy's knees were spreading apart, lowering her body closer to Stacy's face.
This pushed me over the edge... I pulled harder on Stacy's hips and started forcing my cock further into her... it suddenly popped in about an inch further and I heard Stacy grunt loudly, "UGGGHH!.... FUCK!" I kept pumping into her, and pulled back from Cindy's kiss. I put both hands on Cindy’s shoulders and pushed her backwards and down onto Stacy's face, muffling Stacy's moans and grunts.
Cindy was initially shocked, but quickly started rocking on her friend's face. Stacy was obviously okay with this, as both of her hands were gripping Cindy’s ass and pulling her down harder on her mouth. I looked down and my cock was about half-way into Stacy. My lust took over... I pulled my cock almost all the way out, and rammed it back hard into her pussy... I heard a muffled shriek from Stacy, but she continued tugging Cindy downward, and Cindy was now humping her face. I pumped my cock again into Stacy, and started fucking her harder, my cock inching a little further in with each stroke, followed by more muffled sounds from Stacy.
Cindy started moaning too... her knees spread wider as she squatted down further on Stacy's face. I could see Stacy’s mouth sucking on Cindy’s little pussy... Cindy was aggressively humping her mouth and rubbing faster on Stacy's pussy. "Oh God... that's good... oh, fuck... Stace! You're going to make me cum!"
I pulled my cock out of Stacy and pushed two fingers inside her. Her pussy was red and swollen, and not nearly as tight as before... the roof of her vagina was bulging like mad, and based on my earlier experience with her I knew what would happen next. I started stroking her puffy G-Spot aggressively with my fingers... Stacy's body shaking in response. Cindy was humping her face like crazy... about to climax. I reached up and grabbed Cindy's neck with my left hand and pulled her head forward and down, burying her face in Stacy's pussy. She didn't even resist... she started licking her pussy and sucking on her clit and thick labia. I finger-fucked Stacy faster and harder... the fluid streamed out of her, splashing against my hand and all over Cindy's face and mouth. Cindy seemed oblivious... she kept sucking on her friend's pussy, and humping her face as she rode through the waves of her climax.
I lifted Cindy's face up and kissed her. Stacy’s juices were running down her face and hair. I could taste Stacy on her mouth. Cindy was in a euphoric daze.. her body still shaking from the orgasm, and from Stacy's mouth still licking her.
I guided my cock back into Stacy... pushing it slowly inside her, "Jesus... your pussy is so tight... God... you feel... you feel so fucking good...” I started pumping harder and I could feel it inch forward with each stroke. I fucked her harder, pumping my cock further into her... repeatedly impaling her tiny body until my cock hit balls-deep...
Stacy's grunts were becoming a little quieter, still muffled by Cindy's pussy on her mouth. Cindy was sitting more upright now, her full weight on Stacy's face... she was squeezing Stacy's breasts and her eyes were rolling back in her head like she was passing out.
I could finally feel my orgasm building up... I rammed my cock as hard as I could into Stacy's pussy, repeatedly bottoming out... fucking her like a jack hammer... I couldn't stop if I wanted to... every muscle in my whole body was pumped up and was fucking this little girl. Cindy's body was flailing around on Stacy's face... she was just trying to stay upright, grabbing tighter on Stacy’s boobs. Stacy grunted each time my cock hit bottom... again and again.
I couldn't even hear myself yell when I came... my head exploded and I rammed my cock deep in her, pulling her body hard against me like some little ragdoll, holding her there as I pumped stream after stream of cum, then pumped hard into her a few more times... and finally collapsed on her.
—————-—————- Recovering ————————-——
Cindy pushed on my shoulders and lifted herself up off of Stacy. I moved a little to the side and we both looked at Stacy to see if she was alright. Her chest was heaving, her mouth open and gasping for air... "Oh my God...", she was able to say between breaths. I couldn't speak... my heart was racing and pounding loudly in my head... I could barely catch my breath... completely exhausted.
Cindy bent over Stacy and stroked her hair, "Stace, are you okay?" Stacy just nodded her head and smiled weakly. Cindy bent over and lightly kissed her on the lips, “Thank you”, and continued stroking her hair.
After a few moments Stacy slowly lifted herself up on her elbows and smiled at me, "Is that what you had planned for tonight, Jeff?"
I couldn't help laughing, and Cindy burst out laughing too.
Cindy shook her head, "Holy shit... I mean... what just happened?", then shot a look over at her friend and laughed again.
I said, "That was unbelievable... I think we're going to remember this for a long time”, and pulled myself up from Stacy.
"I don't think I'm going to be able to walk tomorrow”, Stacy said with a small laugh.
I slowly pulled my cock out of Stacy and looked down for any signs of blood. No blood, but my heart stopped when I saw the condom was torn to pieces, and some of my cum was running out of Stacy's abused pussy.
"oh fuck..."
Cindy looked at my face, then down at the shredded condom and gasped, "OH FUCK!"
"What's wrong? Am I bleeding?" Stacy asked, but didn't show any fear until she saw the broken condom. "oh, fuck. Oh My God..."
Cindy ran into the kitchen and we could hear her slamming cupboards and water running. She ran back in holding a pan of liquid and a turkey baster. "Vinegar and water... we should try to clean his sperm out of you." Stacy stood up and Cindy grabbed her hand and dragged her out to the pool. I pulled what was left of the condom off, grabbed the towels from the pool table and walked outside. Stacy was squatting by the pool and Cindy was on her knees pushing the baster up Stacy's pussy. "OUCH! Be careful! I’m really sore down there!" Stacy squeezed the bulb and streams of fluid flowed out of Stacy, splattering on the patio. She refilled the baster and did it again. You could see streams of my cum in the puddles. After four or five of these, she put the baster in the pan, "That's about as good as we can do."
Stacy seemed comfortable with it and thanked Cindy, giving her a hug. "Let's take a swim and clean off", and Stacy jumped in the pool.
Cindy looked at me, "Come on! You're a sticky mess!", and we both followed her into the water. After a few minutes we all climbed out of the pool and dried off. Stacy laid down on one of the lounge chairs and quickly fell asleep... well, passed out.
I wrapped a towel around Cindy and hugged her, slowly swaying to the music still playing in the house.
Cindy looked up at me, "Do you think the vinegar & water will work?" "Well, maybe, but from what I have heard... no... but don't tell Stacy that. There's no reason to tell her until after she is sure she isn't pregnant."
Cindy rested her head against my chest and hugged me tight. "That was amazing... but I'm sorry I couldn't make love with you tonight."
"Don't you be sorry... I should be the one apologizing. I think the broken rubber was karma... I'm sorry I was so rough with you... and I shouldn't have fucked your friend tonight. That was not in my plans... sometimes my dick just takes over, especially when alcohol is involved. I'm glad to see you two are such close friends."
Cindy giggled, "Yeah.. a lot closer tonight than I ever imagined."
“It's really late.. I should get going. I can carry Stacy to bed if you can clean up here"
"Okay.. her room is the first door on the left at the top of the stairs."
I picked up Stacy and carried her up to her room. She woke briefly as I laid her down. She smiled, "Thank you for tonight. You can come over anytime you want", and kissed me.
I tucked her in, "Goodnight, sweet Stacy. I hope I didn’t hurt you tonight” She just smiled and closed her eyes.
...I hope I didn’t impregnate you tonight
I walked downstairs and got dressed as Cindy was cleaning up the room. The clock on the wall said it was 3:40 in the morning. I grabbed Cindy and hugged her tightly. I looked down at her beautiful, innocent face and kissed her.
She squeezed me tight, “Can we have a do-over? I think we just need to practice more.”
“That sounds wonderful... I can’t think of anything I would rather do than practice with you.”
She walked me to the door and I kissed her goodnight, “Please keep me updated on Stacy.”
As I walked out to my car I heard her say, “You need to get some better condoms!”
...
I drove home in a daze. I was exhausted and still a little drunk. My mind was filled with so many feelings, but the fear of getting Stacy pregnant was overwhelming. I wasn’t sure if she could even get an abortion at her age without her parents consent.
The term statutory rape scared the hell out of me. This one night I will remember forever, but what happened tonight could also land me in prison and forever change the direction of my life.
I didn’t sleep too well the weeks that followed. I was worrying about the possible pregnancy, but also because I was continuously jerking off thinking about that night... |
Title: 7 - Senior Year - Part 4
Tags: True Story, Blackmail, Cheating, Consensual Sex, Male/Female, Non-consensual sex
Content:
Note: As per my other stories, the character names are all changed on the off chance that there is someone who recognizes any of the descriptions of living arrangements or furniture. If this is the first story of mine that you are reading, I have stories before this - while the other stories are not necessary to read, they do help to build up some backstory to where I was in my life at the time. Once again, while the verbal interaction may not be accurate, the physical interaction is to the best of my recollection.
---
The end of semester, and my time at high school overall, was quickly approaching. Alexa and I had managed to keep things relatively under wraps – the only person in our school who knew (as far as we were aware) was my best friend Bill, and he was incredibly trustworthy with the privacy of even the smallest most trivial matters, let alone something like this. We had been privately dating for only six or seven weeks to this point, but it was new, exciting, and definitely special. I was so in love with this girl, and she continued to surprise me in sexual and emotional ways. She could make me feel so happy, just by touching my arm. I thought I was happy with Emily, but it was more likely that I was just content to push on through, satisfied with the sex.
After Alexa, the most important thing was that the last few days of school before finals were near. I couldn’t wait to write my exams and be done with school for ten weeks or so. Before that could happen, though, our school had a tradition that had been going on since the seventies or eighties – no one remembers exactly which graduating class started it, but every class has tried to recreate the magic with their own brand since. That tradition was that the night before the last day of classes, all the grads that were willing to participate went and camped out in a forest that was only five or so minutes away from the school. That way we were off school property, and they had no say over what was going on in the evening.
When my brother had graduated a few years earlier, he told me it was the single craziest night of his life – he claims that one girl blew twelve different guys over the course of the night. I’m not sure I believe him, even to this day, but I have no way of disproving it. Regardless, the legend of these parties seemed to grow every year. The current graduating class always seemed to want to outperform the previous year’s grads, even if legends were just rumors and not actual history.
Bill had a tent brought a tent that could comfortably sleep ten, or so the manufacturer would have you believe. If you really wanted any space to yourself, so you weren’t sleeping on top of someone (which isn’t always a bad thing), you could maybe get six people in there. I decided to bring my own personal tent from when I was in scouts just to be on the safe side. It fit three people comfortably, though it had only ever had me and one other person in it at a time during camping trips – plenty of room for sleeping bags, knapsacks, supplies, and extra room to help keep firewood dry. I decided to set my tent up well away from the crowd, around a hundred feet away so Alexa and I could get some privacy.
The forest in question was not really a forest as you might imagine it – our school was in the middle of a metropolis, so the forest was really just some wooded area that were part of a park system. Fortunately, no one really ever came through there at night. People would bring their dogs in the day, so we would have to clear out early, but it wasn’t a big deal to most of us.
Not everyone graduating decided they wanted to spend a night in the forest – some weren’t into the debauchery that would go on, some just didn’t want to sleep outside, but I would guess about sixty people showed up – it was definitely going to be a memorable night. There were tents pitched everywhere, some people just brought sleeping bags and hoped it wouldn’t rain, and a few people had very carefully brought their cars in off-road so they’d have someplace to sleep that wasn’t outside.
We had music blaring, there was enough alcohol to get all sixty people drunk three or four times over, and everyone who smoked pot had contributed to a fund in an effort to make the biggest blunt we could (it ended up being about eighteen inches long, and took like thirty or forty wraps to roll).
A number of us were known for partying hard since junior high, whether it was through alcohol or pot. Over the course of high school, I had developed a reputation for blacking out pretty regularly. It wasn’t that I enjoyed not remembering anything, or losing complete control and becoming douche-Rob, but I just did it. A lot.
Some Eminem came over someone’s car stereo, as the party raged on. It wasn’t even ten and I was already buzzing pretty hard, having downed a dozen Coronas from the two cases I had managed to split with Seth. I kept trying to find good times to be alone with Alexa, but that wasn’t going to happen. Since it was a grad tradition, Emily’s parents had allowed her to stay out. This was one night she couldn’t miss, and even her parents understood that.
At some point in the evening, the amount of beer I consumed started to outweigh the amount of space my bladder had. I’m sure we’ve all been there – you start having to take a leak every twenty minutes.
I was just returning from tree casualty number ten or fifteen when I walked smack into Emily in the dark.
“I was hoping to get you alone tonight,” she slurred.
“No thanks, Em,” I pushed past her.
“What the fuck, Rob? You dump me out of the blue and now you’re not with anyone. What gives?”
“Just leave me alone, Emily – we don’t need to do this tonight. Let’s just have a good time.”
“That’s what I’m saying, Rob, let’s have a good time,” she said, grabbing my arm.
Breaking free of her grasp, I started to walk back towards the party.
“Why not?”
I spun around, sniping at her, “because I don’t fucking want to. That’s why.”
“None of my girls have seen you hooking up with anyone since you dumped me. What gives?”
“Nothing gives,” I sighed, trying to end the conversation as fast as I could. “I just don’t have time for it right now.”
“Fag,” she laughed, before walking into the woods.
What I would give at that moment to fuck Alexa right in front of her eyes.
I stood rooted to the spot for a few minutes because I was pretty pissed. I could tell if I went back to the party, someone would do something that would make me fly off the handle – I was buzzing, but not at the blackout stage yet.
Before I knew it, Emily had returned, and had grabbed my cock through my pants. Due to my slight inebriation, there was no stirring, thankfully.
Swatting her hand away, I realized I should get back to the group before something stupid happened.
I spent the next twenty or thirty minutes drinking by myself in the dark before I had to go take another leak. Not even bothering to move more than a couple feet, I started to go, assuming no one was near me.
“Who’s there?” I hear suddenly, not at all recognizing the voice.
“Rob?” I questioned the darkness.
“Oh, hey. I didn’t know anyone was over here. Don’t come this way, I’m going to the bathroom,” the voice answered.
“Ok?” I was still lost. “Who is that, anyway?”
“It’s Neseet,” the voice answered again.
Neseet was a little Tamil Indian girl, who was actually decent looking. She wasn’t a hottie by any stretch of the imagination, but I’d given it some thought over the years – not much, but some.
“Alright,” I responded, laughing to myself.
Over the last year, Neseet had transformed pretty hardcore – she was always kind of stylish, but she had tried desperately to get a lot of different guys attention as a senior. Before that year, she didn’t show up to parties, she didn’t drink or do anything, and she was pretty rule abiding – what with the strict father and all. Senior year, though she started to break the rules in a big way. She got hammered every weekend, claiming she was at friends’ houses studying, she was trying to give it away like it was going out of style, and she had even smoked pot a few times which was pretty shocking.
“You ok over there?” I asked, hearing nothing for a few seconds.
“Ya, Rob. I’m pretty drunk. Thanks,” she giggled, sauntering over towards me in the dark.
Tripping on a stump, she fell right into my stomach, knocking me over. In the dark, her hands fumbled for something to push herself back upright, and she managed to grab my flaccid cock.
“What the fuck is this?” she wondered aloud, squeezing it.
“That would be my penis, Neseet,” I laughed, the alcohol starting to win over.
“Oh fuck! I’m sorry Rob, so so sorry!” I couldn’t see her face, but I’m sure even her light brown skin was probably a little red right at that moment.
“It’s cool, Nestea,” I laughed, calling her by the nickname she hated.
“That was… different,” she commented.
“Huh?”
“I’ve been trying all year to fuck someone, and now I accidentally touch your thing,” she sighed.
“Don’t worry about it – seriously it’s ok.”
“How are you doing anyway, Rob? I know we don’t talk much, but I don’t see you at parties as much lately since you broke up with Emily.”
“Ya, I just don’t feel like being around the parties,” I lied.
“But she’s not even there.”
“Well.. ya, I dunno,” I replied. I didn’t have an answer for that one.
Suddenly, I felt her hand on my pants, finding its way back to my cock.
“Whoa, Neseet,” I backed up a step, “you’re drunk, and I don’t think we should do this.”
“It’s ok, Rob. I’m not that drunk.”
“Well, I still think we should just go back to the party.”
Stepping forward, she found my cock.
“Please, Rob?” she seemed to ask my permission.
“Uhh,” I answered, not sure how to respond that I was spoken for without divulging the secret.
Before I could say anything, she had unzipped my fly and had fished my cock out in the dark. Jerking me slowly between our bodies, I was still mostly flaccid, thanks to the alcohol. Thanks to that same alcohol, though, my inhibitions were waning.
“Do you have a condom?” she eagerly asked me.
“Really want in a forest?” I mumbled incoherently.
“What?”
“Do you really want to do this in a forest,” I said, enunciating each syllable.
“Well, it’s not like I had hoped, but… Please?” she was begging me now.
Without waiting for an answer, she had bent over, taking me in her mouth. This started to wake me up down below, and I slowly grew as she sucked hard on the tip. She was definitely clumsy around a cock.
“Have you ever… you know?” I asked.
“No, Rob. Please. Please, please do this for me?”
We were near my tent that I had set up to use with Alexa in private. Alexa. The thought quickly entered my mind that this was wrong, but left just as fast as Neseet’s mouth returned to my now hard cock.
“Come with me,” I grabbed her hair and stood her up.
Leading her quietly in the general direction of my tent, we found it after a couple minutes, my cock leading the way.
“Whose tent is this?” she asked.
“It’s mine,” I answered quickly.
“Why isn’t it with all the others?” she asked, before figuring it quickly. “Oh. You were gonna fuck someone tonight, weren’t you?”
“Well…” I thought. “I was hoping I might get to.”
Ducking inside the tent, she fell in beside me.
“Are you sure you want to do this, Neseet?” I asked again. I may have been drunk, but I wasn’t about to rape the poor girl.
“I need to, Rob,” she answered.
I found out a year later that Neseet had married some Indian guy about twelve years older than her. She knew her parents were marrying her off to this man, and I guess she just wanted to live a little before that happened.
I couldn’t bring myself to actually get into what transpired over the next little while.
Ripping her own clothes off in record time, I felt around in the darkness, grabbing her barely B-cup breasts and squeezing them at the same time. I had no illusions that this wasn’t something I would cherish for the rest of my life, so I quickly got undressed myself and got to work.
“Do you finger yourself at all?” I asked her.
“All the time,” she whispered at me, suddenly not being very aggressive.
“Do you have your cherry?”
“No.”
Reaching down, I could tell she was wet already, but still decided a little more couldn’t hurt. Palming her clit, I took one of her small nipples into my mouth, sucking and chewing it lightly. After a few minutes of this, she was ready.
“Are you on the pill?” I asked, climbing on top of her to take her into womanhood.
“Yes,” she said, the tension easily detectable in her voice.
“Okeydokey,” I answered casually, taking my cock in my hand and finding her opening.
Pushing my cock in, I only managed to get about two thirds of the way in before I hit her cervix.
“OW!” she screamed.
I froze. Even though I was pretty drunk at this point, I was pretty aware that we were still in hearing distance of the others if there was a lull in the music or someone came this way to use a tree.
“Are you ok?” I asked, feigning concern.
“Ya, that just hurt out of nowhere. I wasn’t ready for it.”
“Ok, well I’m gonna start again. Just push on my chest if it hurts, don’t yell,” I told her.
Starting to pump in and out, I was only fucking her with half my cock to ensure I didn’t make her yell again.
This went on for a few minutes, and I could tell I wasn’t going to cum any time soon. I wasn’t about to fuck her for an hour until I actually came, so I figured I would do something I never thought a guy would have to do in his life. Over the next couple minutes, I put my plan in action, starting to breathe heavier, and telling her I was almost there.
Minutes later, I was quietly moaning that I was cumming, and it felt so great.
“Oh my God, Rob, that was wonderful,” she thanked me.
“Ya. Let’s just keep this between us, right?” I asked her, realizing she could tell anyone about this.
“Of course! I know Emily will beat the shit out of me if she finds out.”
Finally, Emily had proved useful again.
Ushering Neseet out of my tent, I realized my problem hadn’t ended. I was still hard as a rock, and didn’t really feel like jerking off in the state I was in.
I hadn’t gotten more than five feet back towards camp, when a voice behind me called out.
“Emily would love to know about this, I bet.”
Why do people keep saying shit from the dark?
“Who’s there?” I asked, slightly panicked. If Emily found out, Alexa would find out.
“Christie,” the new voice answered.
Goddamnit. I had no idea how to get out of this one. Christie was friends with everyone, and was well known to be somewhat of a prude.
“What do you want, Christie?” I asked.
“Nothing, really,” she answered, stepping out before me. “Neseet, though, Rob? Really?” she made her judgment very clear.
“Ya, well… I’m drunk. Things happen. So what can I do for you?”
“I dunno. We can figure something out, I’m sure.”
“Are you gonna hold this over me for a while, or can we figure this out right now?” I asked impatiently.
“Now, now, Rob. There’s no hurry. Let’s go inside and talk,” she motioned to my tent.
Climbing in, she hunched over, so as not to sit down where I was obviously just fucking.
“It’s not gonna kill you to sit, you know,” I told her, laughing to myself.
“I’m fine,” she replied.
“So, seriously, Christie. What the fuck?”
“What can you offer me, Rob?”
“I don’t know… do you want some beer? Pot? You want some money?”
“You know I don’t drink or smoke, and I don’t need money,” she replied snootily.
“Then what is it?”
“You tell me.”
I was getting tired of her little game. I grabbed her and pulled her on top of me.
“What the fuck are you doing, Rob?”
“If you don’t want anything else, I don’t know what else to offer,” I replied, rolling her under me and pulling my still hard cock out.
“Holy shit,” she whispered.
“Like what you see?” I grinned.
“It’s so much bigger…” she trailed off.
“Bigger?”
“Than my… ya. It’s just bigger,” she answered.
Taking her hand, I wrapped it around my cock; she couldn’t quite get her hand around, as she held it at the base, her mouth agape.
“I take it we have a deal?” I asked her, as I took my shirt off, allowing her to rub her other hand over my lightly toned abs.
“Well, not yet,” she answered, trying to scoot back.
I pulled her back towards me by the legs, so my cock was resting against her stomach. Taking my cock, I started slapping it against her flat tummy, while lightly gripping her throat.
“Rob, I won’t say anything, just… just don’t,” she pleaded with me, still trying to back away.
I lay on top of her, pinning her beneath me, before finding her lips with mine and forcing my tongue into her mouth. After a few seconds, she started to respond, massaging my tongue with hers, her legs instinctively spreading instead of trying to push me away. I reached between us and unbuttoned her jeans, trying to pull them off her without her help. Eventually, her body gave in, and she lifted her hips, as I pulled her pants down to find she didn’t have anything on underneath.
“You’re not gonna fuck me without a condom are you?” she asked through ragged breath.
Without answering, I pushed my cock head into the second virgin pussy in the last half hour. Covering her mouth with my hand, I shoved in hard, smothering the cry that came when I broke her hymen. My fingers could feel the tears rolling from her eyes as she thrashed her head back and forth, her brain trying to fight her body’s desires. Motionless for minutes, I waited for her head to stop moving before removing my hand from her mouth.
“Are you ok?” I asked.
“It really hurts, Rob,” she cried.
“I know, Christie,” I replied, starting to move gently in and out of her.
“Take it out, please,” she wept.
“It’ll stop hurting. Just relax and it’ll feel great soon,” I whispered, stopping again and kissing her delicately on the lips.
We lay unmoving for another five minutes before she finally acknowledged that the pain was leaving.
“Hold on,” I told her, before pushing more of my cock into her.
“Oooh,” she cried, this time in pleasure instead of pain.
Smiling to myself in the dark, I straightened up on my knees and grabbed her hips to me, lifting her ass off the mat in my tent. Fucking in and out, I started to elicit very loud moans from the former virgin. I quickly gained pace, slapping in and out, my scrotum smashing into her taut ass with every thrust.
After ten minutes, I realized the alcohol was definitely not going to let me cum with ease, and for the second time that night, I was beginning to consider faking my own orgasm to end this early.
“Rob?” I heard a voice call out. This time I recognized the voice without a doubt.
“Oh fuck,” I whispered.
“Who is that?” Christie whispered back.
“I don’t know, but unless you want them finding out we’re out here fucking, be quiet,” I instructed her.
I pulled out of her, and looked over to the mesh flap on the back of the tent, peering into the darkness. Feeling Christie’s hand grab my cock and start to stroke it, I smacked her away lightly, and tried to concentrate.
“Rob?” I heard the voice call out again.
“Ok, here’s the plan,” I whispered to Christie. “I’m going to go distract whoever that is – you go about twenty feet wide, and wait there until you don’t hear anything for a minute or two. Then just go back to the rest of the group.”
“Ok?” she whispered, obviously confused.
“Rob?” I heard the voice call out one more time, agitation dripping from the speaker.
“Go,” I whispered to Christina, shoving her out into the woods, as she tried to do up her jeans.
Walking stealthily towards the voice, I waited until I heard the cracking of twigs a few feet in front of me.
“Rob?” I heard for the fourth time, as I stepped out from behind a tree.
“Hey, baby,” I grabbed Alexa from behind, scaring her.
“What the fuck?” she screamed, smacking my arm a few times.
“Sorry, I thought it’d be funny to scare you,” I laughed.
“What are you doing? You’ve been gone for over an hour.”
“Oh. I went to take a leak, then just came over here and have been just getting in touch with myself,” I lied.
“Uh-huh,” she muttered. “Where’s your tent? Do you think we can get in there for a bit before anyone notices we’re gone?”
“Well you already noticed I’m gone,” I pointed out.
“Ya, so did a lot of people, but no one else has been missing long enough to raise any suspicions,” she laughed, pawing at my chest.
“Come on,” I grabbed her hand, and led her the short distance to my tent, pulling a third girl inside in under an hour.
“Ooo, you’re already hard,” she laughed. “Excited to see me?”
“You bet, babe,” I started to pull her pants off.
“I want you in my mouth, first,” she protested, pushing my hands away.
She would definitely taste pussy on my cock. Maybe even blood.
“We don’t have time, Alexa,” I told her, hoping she’d buy it.
“Mmmm. You’re right. Come on,” she told me.
Rolling around in a passionate kiss, we finally got into position with her underneath me, her legs pressed up towards her shoulders, and me lowering myself into her waiting pussy.
“Fuck me, baby,” she encouraged me, reaching up to pinch my nipples.
I pushed in and out, before pulling her entire body up with me, as I knelt back. She was straddling me, with her entire body in the air, her legs wrapping behind me. I lifted her up and down, guiding her along the length of my pole for a few minutes, before my arms started to tire. Lying back, I allowed her to remain on top of me, rocking her ass quickly up and down the bottom of my cock.
I pulled her face to me, biting her lip as she had done to me on so many occasions, before she pushed me back and leaned back, supporting her motions like a she was crab walking. I lay there, allowing the pleasure to flow through me, as her pussy milked my cock.
Sitting upright, she leaned forward onto me, her covered chest pressed against mine, as I started to thrust up into her. For the first time all night, I finally felt the waves of orgasm approaching.
“I’m gonna cum soon, babe,” I informed my girlfriend, thrusting harder and harder to make the climax happen.
Jumping off my cock, Alexa took me in her mouth, bringing me to a much-needed orgasm. Semen filled her mouth to the breaking point, and began to trickle down my cock.
Swallowing, she began to laugh. “You came so much, baby. You needed that one bad?” She teased.
“Oh, so bad,” I confessed.
“Come on, people might start to wonder,” she told me.
As we left the tent, she told me to trail behind her and come in five or ten minutes later.
I watched her disappear into the dark, and started to wonder what exactly had just transpired. In the course of an hour, I had taken two girls’ virginity, faked an orgasm, almost had to fake a second, and fucked my girlfriend.
As I was waiting there, a now familiar voice spoke from the darkness.
“I bet Emily would want to know about that, too,” Christie said, stepping in front of me.
Fuck.
---
Author Note: I’m having pretty serious surgery next week, so I may not post a story for a while afterwards. I’m already at work on the next one, so I may get one or two more completed and posted before then, but if there’s no story for a while, it’s a safe bet that I’m still in recovery. I do want to try to get the rest of my story told, though, so I promise I will finish at least to where I initially planned when I started writing a couple years ago. The next story will not be continuing the Senior Year title, just as a heads up. The working title so far is "The Graduate". |
Title: 7 days in heaven !!
Tags: True Story, Anal, Asian, Blackmail, Blowjob, Boys/Teen Female, Cheating, Consensual Sex, Cum Swallowing, Erotica, First Time, Group Sex, Incest, Male / Female Teens, Male / Females, Male/Female, Male/Teen Female, Males / Females, massage, Oral Sex, Romance, Teen Female/Boy, Threesome, Young
Introduction:
hattrick sex .. from virgin to master fucker!!
Content:
7 days in heaven ..!!
It was one of my cousin sisters marraige .
so as usual it was a family matter which meant 7 day long fun , from gathering together to arrangement .. awesome atmosphere of work and fun combined.
A marriage ceremony comes with a added bonus lots of girls to flirt around with , and they don’t even seem to mind ;)
I was having a great time there , and was taking extra care of the girls .
My effort didn’t go in vain and soon they became comfortable with me .
But even with all those girls around I was waiting for some one , a cousin sis of mine who had not yet arrived due to her job problem .let me describe her .. she was damn gorgeous , like an angel has descndent from heaven , or may be cast out without wings for some unforgivable sin , which is what had helped me to get off , she had those awesome breasts which I never missed a chance to glance at .. that figure damn I wanted her .. that’s all about her , but to be very true we seldom met and didn’t even talk much so this was the perfect moment to get closer to know her better , understand her better .. Do her .. err I mean do friendship .. okay u got me fuck her!!
So I was eagerly waiting to see her while I was chatting with a group of girls she entered and suddenly as if the breeze blew like a perfect movie scene .. her floating dress .. and my floating airy hair .. okay that was no imagination some one had turned on the fan . :P
As we didn’t talk much I couldn’t go up to greet her , I was waiting for a perfect moment to drop right in, which was kindly provided by a girl in the group she was her friend .
She came up to us , they started chatting , and I didn’t let the chance go and added up with them .
We had a good chat and she was now a bit more comfortable with me , but that level of comfort needed to go right up.. up .. up.. well not yet away ;)
It was a big house with lots of rooms , lots of space , lots of decorations , lots of management which indirectly meant lots of work for ME . yeah me and my big mouth had to pop right in that perfect moment and say “ I will do it “ god damn .
Well I didn’t complain much as this gave me a chance to keep in regular touch with the girl and they seemed pretty impressed by me
After all the work was done , most of which I tactfully placed on others shoulders , it was my time to rest and have some quality time .
Me some brothers of mine , a few friends , new ones , sat all together and chatted and not to forget the girls who were the centre of attraction , though my eyes were fixed some where else , I took this moment to get close to her talked with her about this and that , manily turned small talks into huge .. ahh that’s just me .. at the end of the day we seemed to be getting along together , finally the warm up round was done .. I had passed with flying colors I was in her friendly comfort zone and she was free to me now and we chatted a bit teased and shared lots with each other .
Well but time was yet to come ;)
Day 2 ..
Started like any other normal day , only the work load was more .. I was having to rush here and there to get the job done , and wasn’t getting a chance to get along with those beauties flaying around .
But my job got easier and cozier and lovelier when my cousin volunteered to help me out , what more could I want more than spending some quality time with her .
I got more of a chance to get close , along the way we talked a lot and I got to make her talk her private things and we shared a few of our secrets , yeah I am kind of a charmer , I can charm my way into anyone ;).. kinda what I am good at .
I came to know like me she was also a virgin , she had a boyfriend who didn’t last long anyway .
She said how badly he treated her and all and that she really liked him , she bechame a bit emotional I comforted her and cracked a few jokes to make her normal again .
The time which wasn’t passing was now travelling in a sports car with 1000 horse power
Soon it was evening and the work for the day was , it was my time again the charmer needed to get back to work ;)
Today our group was a little less.. all the girls no doubt couldn’t leave the beauties stranded .. alone without me ;)
And few of their and my new frnds – ashort close group. We decided to play truth and dare .. ah my field of expertise :D
I can make break anyone my way ;) .. so bottle got spinned I deliberately sat in such a way so that I got to sit opposite to one sexy hot chick I had my eye upon other than my cousin.
She was damn sexy and always flaunted her body , I liked the way she showed her assets , she was wearing shorts and her legs looked so yummy and inviting .
The bottle stopped and she chose truth .. I asked her “ whats your favorite sex position ? “
She smiled and said “ doggy style “
I gave a naughty smirk at her and she responded back .. now I knew there was something here for me to exploit and I am not going to let such an opportunity go by .
My cousin seemed to have noticed this , she gave a knowing smile with some other emotion mixed with it .
A few rounds later the bottle stopped at my cousin .. as the guy sitting opposite to her hesitated to ask a question .. I took the opportunity ..i needed to get to know where I can get with with her ..but I couldn’t ask her directly .. I needed to trap her.
So I started” okay lemme see… suppose we all are shipwrecked on an island .. and get caught by local tribes ..suppose they give u an option to save us all.. u will have to make love with any of the guys among us …who will it be ? “
“ what kind of a question is that ?”
“ a truth question .. common “
“what common this is rubbish “
“we are playing a game dear .. be a lil sporty .. she is so sporty see how she answerd “ I looked at my hottie target ;) .. she nodded and supported me
After a while with lots of hesitation she finally said “ okay I don’t know but if that’s the case I will choose you”
And that’s what I needed to hear .. 1 more step ahead I was ;)
She gave me a look I will get back at you . I winked back.
The game continued it was my turn again , I chose dare .
My cousin jumped on this opportunity and said “ smooch the girl opposite to u “
Though I was ready to go .. u give me a present packed and ready and I wont even open it .. not happening .. but I couldn’t show my eagerness needed to play it cool .. so I acted and said “smooch ?”
“ yeah why u only said to be SOPRTY remember .. ? 10 seconds I will count “ she gave smirk
I guess she didn’t expect that it was a gift rather for me .. I said “ well if only she agress else not “
“I would be glad .. she said “
And man u had to look at my cousins face .. million dollar expression .. I wish I had a camera then :D
“ and .. umm .. please don’t count I will make sure its 10 seconds “ I said ..
I went for the kiss and with such passion as if it it was my last kiss .. well that’s the way u do it .. every kiss!! :-D
I smooched her and lost track of time .. I guess it was way over 10 seconds .. when I was ending it I gave a lil bite on her lower lip .. there was hooting and wooing all around .. I didn’t let that disturb me though .. when I looked now at my cousin she didn’t give me a happy look .
It was time to end the game and go to sleep.. but none of us was ready .. but I said that I have to wake up early to do some work and they also needed to go to sleep as it was late .. so the last request came to me was to sing a song .
I saw my cousin was still in that grumpy mood .. so I started “ okay so I dedicate this song to this beautiful angel sitting here in a grumpy mood” .. she threw a paper she had in her hand at me but seemed to cheer up a bit and loved the song and complimented me for my awesome singing
I decided to walk her to her room .
“was getting a bit to close with that girl “
“ jealous ? “
“huh why would I be jealous ?”
“ how wud I know ? maybe ……. “
She gave me a punch in my arm .. and said a smiling “ bye .. goodnight “
Well I had a good sleep ;)
Day 3
It was the most hectic day .. the day before the marriage day .. I did not get time to rest but to ease my pressure my beloved my cousin was there … her mere presence made me happy
We didn’t get even a bit off that day after the days work everybody was happily resting and I was finishing my last work and needed to rest now , but she insisted to hang around a bit as she wasn’t sleepy yet . we chatted for a while and I let a few of my naughty jokes to fly around.
It was only two of us .
It was quite late and everyone had gone to sleep. So we moved to a empty room , it had been made ready for the guests .
She laid and said that she was tired of so much running around today and her body was aching .
I promptly offered a massage .. with crossed fingers .. man I would do it whole day long :D
She said okay . she was wearing a skirt and a top.. so I started with the foot and legs .
I have always loved chicken leg piece and breasts .. and same applies to chicks ;)
I slowly rubbed her foot .. ohh they looked so delicious I could take a bit , but I resisted .
I slowly massaged her from foot to to her calf .. and slowly moved to her thighs .. I was getting hard too and excited , but I left that emotion outta my face , m a good actor ;)
I went up higher to her thighs .. she shivered a bit and bit the pinky of her right hand and she was looking at me . I massaged her thighs . though I wanted to dive right in I didn’t .
Then I told her to turn over I would massage her back. I lifted her t-shirt and started massaging .. I massaged her lower back then went to the upper side. I could feel she was liking it and getting relaxed .. I was really hard by now and something needed to come out of my pants but I kept it in and bared the pain. I slowly opened her bra , she said “ hey what are u doing ? “
“ its coming in the way .. do u want this master massager to stop ?”
“ ummm I guess not … “
I opened her bra and started to massage her back at times going to the sides to get a light touch of her boobs , she didn’t say anything .. I got a bit braver and deliberately gave the boobs a touch she didn’t say anything still .
So now I turned her over she had her eyes closed ..i grabbed her boobs , she let out a moan ..
I started massaging her boobs , I couldn’t believe my luck , I didn’t think I would be actually doing that , I massaged her boobs for a while.. oh too much now I dived in at last .. I started sucking those glorious boobs .. and gave a lil bite on her titties .. she let out a pleasurous moan .. I kissed her boobs again and slowly moved down to her naval I then slowly opened her panty caressing her waistline a bit .. she shivered .
Wow that pink pussy lips was so longing … I slowly touched them .. she shivered a lot and hugged me tight .. I slowly entered my finger in that virgin pussy. She closed her mouth tightly not to let out any loud sound , I started finger fucking her slowly , then increases my speed .
I but two fingers in then and fucked her until she had an orgasm .
She laid there for a while and then she said okay my turn .
She put her hands on my zipper and said “ wo .. someone wants to come out of the cage “
She opened my zipper and pulled out my dick ..” ummm its big “ n slowly ran her fingers over it .
A current ran through my body as she rubbed it. She slowly then gave it a kiss and started sucking , oh god was this a dream .. if it was please don’t let this end .
I wasn’t late when I let it all out in her mouth , she was pretty good for a firt timer I guess. She took it all in not to make the place dirty and all .
Then there was a awkward silence for a bit which I broke “ I loved it “
“ so did I .. but is this right .. the social rules ….? “
“ who are others to decide whats right and whats wrong .. the society doesn’t feed us .. nor does it has the right to make our choices for us .. to hell with social order ! “
“ haha .. yeah yeah .. too much dialog .. “ :P she smiled “ time to go to sleep “
“ yeah let me sleep with you “ I winked
She laughed and said “ yeah right .. get lost to your room “
“ u are pushing me away ? “ I made a puppy sad face
“that’s not gonna work on me “
“ I wish it did “ I bid her good bye and left for the night .
But it would be hard to sleep , with all those thoughts running in me :D
DAY 4
It was the marriage day so every one was running around doing the last minute fix ups .. so was I .. but didn’t see her from the morning and I was getting restless .. and then she came out .. she was sleeping late I guess .. she said “ hi “
“had a good sleep it seems “
She gane a knowing smile again and I smirked and smiled and then went back to work .
It was evening the guests had started arriving . the bride was looking great but when she came out I was blown off … she was looking damn gorgeous .. I knew every eye would be on her today but the pair that will connect will be ours ;)
The groom came and the ceremony started.. it was late in the night .. while the dinner was being served on the other side ..
I excused myself and texted her to get out of there .
Last day I missed the chance to fuck her which I needed to make up to today , I bought some condoms from the store early this morning . she came out making way .. she was looking no less than a bride .
Everyone seemed busy so no 1 really noticed her , we decided to take a walk .. I took her to a lonely side behind a tree .. pushed her there and started kissing her passionately … after a while she said “ kiss me like u kissed her that day “
I smiled and said “ I will do better “
I continued the kissing then I sucked her boobs a while … we didn’t have much time .. so I lifted her dress and put my dick in … it wouldn’t go in .. it was really tight .. I had to force it in a bit .. she scremed a bit but then it went In .. and she started to moan .. louder … I put my hand on her mouth
Its time lost my virginity and to a beautiful damsel like her .. I fucked her on my lap .. she grabbed my hair … I kissed her again .
It ws time .let it go, then I cleaned myself up .. she settled her dress and started to leave “ lets go before anyone comes here “
I held her hand “ do we need to ? “
“ yes we do “ she smiled
So we went back .. but the whole time we were together .. teasing commenting each other
Day 5
It was time for the bride to leave and it’s a custom that someone from the bride’s house goes with the bride .. and my mom insisted me to go .. I didn’t want t but had no chance ..
But who knew this would come as a blessing in disguise for me
It was me .. the bride the groom and the grooms lil sister in one car .
I didn’t notice the groom had a sister , I guess I was too busy with my cousin last evening.
She was also a beauty and she knew how to flaunt her beauty to attract others , and I was sucked right into the spider web ;)
It was a long journey and we had ample time to chat with her and become good friends. She would laugh at my jokes and playfully fall all over me at times her breasts would brush me , or her hands would reach too close for my comfort . I was getting aroused .. and she seemed to have noticed it. It was noon time and the bride and groom both being tired ..you know .. had fallen asleep.
Groom’s sister seemed to be asleep to or maybe she pretended .. she put her hands on my thighs suddenly as if she didn’t know and was sleeping and shifted her hand from time to time.
I was really getting hot. Then she turned towards me and kept her hands on my stomach .. as the car moved on the bumpy road she slowly brought her hand down as if it was all cars doing.
Finally rested her hand on my throbbing meat , she gave a slight press and made her intentions clear , then she ran her sharp finger nails on my thighs n dick slowly and whispered in my ear sexily “ I am gonna blow your mind “ now tht really made me hot I wanted to fuck her then and there but didn’t have the courage to do that there . I had to stp her before I let it out in my pants.
After we reached there I knew I had the whole night in my hand .
The bride’s side of guest will arrive the next day for the reception. I had to make the most of the day .
We reached in the evening and was well greeted. But what I really wanted now was to be alone with her.
And I got my chance I was alone taking a walk outside with her she was showing me around.
I asked her “ what was that all about in the car “
“ actually I wanted to do that with some guy for so long , I am from a really conservative family and they don’t allow boys near me , I never had a boy friend.”
“ are u serious ? never?! “
“ nope never , my father is very angry and well known for his anger he would kill anyone who came near me with bad intentions .. so no one actually did “
“ wow .. now I am scared “
She smiled “ actually I have seen a lots of porns with my friends and they share their sexual experiences , and I am a laughing stock for them .. as I have never been close to anyone “
“ what ? u mean no one has ever touch these beauties “ and gave a squeeze
“ hey what are u doing .. surely u don’t wanna get killed by my father “
“ I can die for them “ ;) I said ..
“ okay then .. don’t sleep tonight … I will take u to the secret place of mine “
“ whats sleep ? “
She laughed and we went back…I was waiting for the night !
It was dark and late , everyone was asleep , I heard a whisper , I went out silently then we escaped the house to her secret place .
“ m sure its not a trap to murder me “ I commented
“ and here I thought you could die for them “
We reached there , a store room wid little space and candle lit in side , “ welcome to my paradise “
“ wow its nice “
“ its gonna get nicer “
She started to undress in stripping style
“ wooo baby .. I love that “
She came close to me , only wearing a bra and panty and started to give me a lap dance , I couldn’t believe it was actually happening twice in a row .
She opened my t-shirt and jeans and together we laid on the ground .
I started kissing her legs and gave a bite on her upper thigh .. she moaned , now I opened her bra and threw it away and started playing with her breast and nipples though not as big as my cousins they were good in size .. ummm delicious too… I sucked em like a baby …
She then pushed me back and started to suck my cock.. man that felt great ..”fuck don’t stop go on “
I fucked her mouth .. then I put my fingers in her pussy and finger fucked her , they were so so wet .
“ oh fuck .. I don’t have condoms “ damn I just remembered
“ no probs , fuck my ass “
I turned her over and started to put it in her ass … darn it wont go in ..
“wait “ she said “ she reached for her purse and took some lotion out “ use this “
Girls purses always have handy things in them .. I put some lotion on my dick and on her ass hole and slowly inserted it in .
It went in and I started to ass fuck her .. it had an awesome sound to it .. I loved that and her moaning mix wid that .. music sweet music ..
I was fucking her and at times grabbing and pressing her boobs hard … she was loving that n moaning harder each time.
After a long gud fuck I spilled all my semen in her and filled up her hole, I was totally wasted and satisfied .. so was she .. she had a beautiful glow in her face I kissed her , she kissed me back .
“ wow u are an awesome kisser “
“ so I have heard .. ;) “
“ oho I see… well lets go now it will be morning soon “
Two days ago I was a virgin and in two days I had fucked two of em :D
DAY 6
No I wasn’t creating earth and humans .. but I was having a heavenly time .. which I never even dreamt of!
The morning went chatting with my new glowing and happy friend as if she had reborn yesterday .
In the evening the brides guest arrived so did my cousin I went and greeted her .
“what have u done to the girls , after u were gone they bugged me for u and how they are missing u “
“ that’s my charm ..baibey ;) “
“ hmm yeah .. I guess missed your handsome and charming company ;) “
“ and did u “
“ I … the most “
“me too “
“ so what have u been upto here huh ?”
“ ohh nothing I seem to be a royal guest here and being pampered “
“ oho .. come I will pamper u too “
We laughed and went along with the others .
It was night time we had to return that day only .. a night long journey to home .
They had come in a bus , so everyone was ready to go .. I bid bye to the grooms sister and didn’t forget to take her number “
Me and my cousin took a seat towards the end .. all the elderly and everyone else was in the front , it was a big bus and not so many people , so it was kinda empty, good for me ;)
Everyone was tired and after the good and heavy dinner fast asleep .. not us .
We were chatting .. I seeing a chance put my arm on her shoulder and inserted it and started pressing her breasts . she too opened my zip slowly and started to rub my hot throbbing dick .. I loved it .
Suddenly I heard some noise and though someone was up.. so we adjusted ourselved accordingly .
Then she went to sleep putting her head on my shoulders .
The whole way she slept on my shoulders .. I liked it
DAY 7
It was the day everyone would leave for their respective houses. We would leave the next day .
The house became empty soon only a few people left among them was my family , my cousins family and the other hottie .
It was night and it was the last day to enjoy so we had decided to make the most of it .. I was waiting in an empty room ..when she came in with the hottie .
I was like “huh?! “
“I thought you would love some 3 some “ she said .. I wasn’t convinced “ okay actually she saw us yesterday on the bus and said if I don’t let her in tonight shes gonna spill it all “
“ ohh well I guess we don’t have a choice then “
Oh my god .. my wildest dream it was about to come true !! I had always dreamt of this !!
She closed the door and the Hottie jumed on me like a beast , asif she has been derived of food for many days and I was her meal .
I wont say I didn’t enjoy it .. I was having a great time … she opened my shirt and jeans .. I tore off her bra and started sucking her breats immediately while my cousin started to suck my dick ..
The hottie then pushed me over and started to kiss me all over .. I then started to press my cousins boobs … we were having a wild time .
Then the hottie kneeled on her knees ”doggy style .. “ she winked .. so did my cousin ..
They were both in doggy position and I went from one to another fucking wildly .. I took a little rest but wasn’t allowed to .. and had to fuck again . soon I was about to cum .. the hottie then grabbed my dick and took it in between her breast and breast fucked me …
I couldn’t hold on any longer to that awesome pleasure and let everything out .
I spread it all over her and myself too. My cousin came over and hugged me and kissed me we were all messed up in cum .. the hottie came over and licked me clean and my cousin licked the hottie clean
I cupped and pressed their breasts a little more and that day we all went to sleep together ofcourse after cleaning up !!
3 days in a row .. 3 girls.. god damn hattrick ..it was officially thanks giving day for me .. :P . I thaked my luck .. I thanked god to make all my dreams come true …
We kept in touch with all of them , facebook and texts .. and we plan to do it all over again someday if we get a chance ..
It was my 7 days in heaven …
Dreams actually come true !! |
Title: 7 Days in heaven: Day 1
Tags: True Story, Blowjob, Consensual Sex, Cum Swallowing, Male / Female Teens, Male / Females, Teen
Introduction:
So i had a dream a few weeks ago about this girl coming to visit me, so i wrote it out and decided to take it a little bit further.
Content:
Seven Days of Heaven: this is the first part of a 7 part story. This girl i like was coming to visit me and one night i had a dream about it. after i wrote the dream down i decided i wanted to keep going with the rest of the week. so here it is. This is is also my first story and i don't know how it will turn out. so please i am open to all criticism. i need to learn my pros and cons about the story so feel free to comment. Thanks
Day 1: The beginning
Tonight's dream was amazing, recently I started talking to this girl and she is amazing. In fact I think I can say she is perfect for me. I fell asleep at like 3...maybe 5 in the morning and started to dream about her... well actually I dream t about us, and what life would be like if we were together.
It started with her coming to visit me. I drove to the airport to pick her up. I was so scared, so nervous, and I kept thinking she wouldn't like me or something... but then I saw her it was like time stood still, when she saw me she dropped her bags and we started running to each other embracing each other for what seemed like forever, then I picked up her bags and went to the car and drove home.
We got home and I introduced her to the family and then we went to my...err...our room and I dropped her bags and we embraced each other in a passionate hug and kiss. Holding each other never wanting to let go.
That Night
The end of the day goes by and me and her head into our room and get ready for bed. Me in my sweat pants and her in this cute tank top and booty shorts. We crawl into bed not being tired at all and knowing what will soon be happening. I look at her in all of her beauty and move close so I am almost on top of her as I lean in and kiss her so deeply that she feels like she will melt. As we kiss I reach my left hand around her and pull her close to me so we feel like one being. While we kiss my right hand starts to caress her body, starting with her cheeks and face, her neck, arms, and moving down lifting her shirt up just enough so I can caress her stomach sending shivers all over her body. I deepen the kiss as I start to reach and pull her top over her head pausing momentarily to admire her beauty. I continue to kiss and tease her as I start to kiss down from her lips to her neck, biting it softly as I go moving lower and lower until her right breast is in my mouth.
I start to suck it and tease her nipple with my tongue as my other hand wonders her body teasing the skin with my fingers. I then moved up to kiss her mouth and playfully bite her lip before I start to move slowly seductively down her chest leaving a trail of kisses as I make my way towards her cute booty shorts. I bite the elastic and slowly move them down her legs taking them off and throwing them to the floor and as I look up at her my breath is taken from me as I look at this naked goddess lying in my bed.
I then move up her sliding my almost naked body against hers moving to her mouth kissing her intensively as she feels my weight on top of her. I slide off and look deep into her eyes before I ask her to roll over so I can give her a massage I promised.
She rolls over willing to do almost anything I say at this point as I straddle her hips/lower back. I start to give her a massage starting on her head. Running my hands through her hair and moving to her ears kissing them after I'm done with them. I work my way down to her back. Massaging them deeply as she starts to relax. I blow gently as my hands run all over her back giving her a small breeze giving her goose bumps. I then move to the back of her arms working my way down them as I leave a trail of kisses on her getting to her hands and fingers. Massaging each one and kissing them after wards. And I do the same to her other arm.
I then slide my body down so I am sitting on her legs as I start to gently massage her lower back especially where she’s been hurting as I blow on it and cover it with kisses. At this point I moved down to her perfect butt massaging it gently and giving it a playful slap before I bend down and bite it ever so softly as my hand slips between her legs and just brushing against what I came to realize was a very wet pussy. I moved down spreading her legs so I could work better. I moved to sit on one leg and started massaging her thigh working down to her calf and stopping just short of her ankles since like me is very ticklish there. I then move to her other leg and do the same thing. Afterwards I get off her and lean in and whisper in her ear if she would roll over for me
Unable to control herself she rolls over as I asked and I straddle her waist and lean forward massaging her ears again and kissing them, moving to her mouth and massaging her tongue with mine. I bite her lip playfully as I sit up and massage her neck and shoulders kissing them when I finish, then I move down her chest playfully brushing them with the tips of my fingers and finally massaging her perfect breasts and beautiful nipples. I lean over and kiss them softly but I breathe on them hopefully sending shivers all through her body. I then move to her arms and massage them again once again kissing each finger as I finish with them.
I move lower to her stomach by leaving a trail of kisses starting from her neck. I rub my fingers along her skin giving her goose bumps as her breathing started to deepen. I slide down her body so I am on her legs and I start to massage her waist and hips working my thumbs in this special place kissing softly as I do that. Then I moved lower to her beautiful pussy that has now started to leave a wet stain on my bed. But I didn't care I was glad she was enjoying it. I spread her legs only a little as I slid 1 finger up and down her slit massing the outer lips, I then spread her open and massaged her clit but only for a moment as I then inserted a finger into her for a few seconds just to be a tease. I then moved my mouth closer and massaged her most privet area with my tongue. I came up and opened her legs wider as I straddled her right one massaging her thigh and working to her shin and stopping before her feet. I then repeat the process on the other leg.
After I finished I slid up her body and kissed her but she surprised me with a kiss so passionate I started to melt. I asked her how that was and she told me wonderful. We proceeded to lay there holding each other for a few minutes before she rolled me onto my back and straddled me as she started to kiss my neck working down my chest biting my nipple as I did to her. And she started to follow my treasure trail lower, and lower, and lower until she suddenly moved up to my mouth and kissed me. I moaned in my throat and told her she was a huge tease. She proceeded to whisper in my ear “you know you like it” and moved lower gripping my sweats and slowly sliding them off exposing my 8 inch hard on.
She looked at it amazed and said she loved it and wanted it. Just as I started to say something she moved her head down and slowly started to play with the tip using her tongue. And when she finally took me into her mouth I thought I was going to come that very second. I moaned as she worked wonders on my shaft. Sliding up and down slowly yet with speed. It was amazing the best I have ever had. But I told her I wouldn't be able to last much longer and in a swift movement I pulled out of her sat her up passionately kissed her and laid her on her back.
I moved seductively across her kissing her and biting her lip as I moved lower on her kissing every inch as I moved. I caressed her breasts with my tongue taking her nipples into my mouth and playing with them for a few minutes. I continued to move lower and lower kissing as I went finally getting to her wet pussy.
First thing I did was run my tongue along her slit tasting her sweet juices anticipating what was going to happen next. I slowly slid one finger into her moving it in and out faster and faster. After a minute I inserted a second finger and started to go at her. She told me she was about to come so I slowed down teasing her making her want me more and more. And when I moved my mouth to her clit she almost came on the spot. But I held back for a minute teasing her licking her. I reached up with my free hand and found hers as we held hands as I did this going faster and harder as my tongue continued to do its thing. And then it happened. She started to tense up and moan as she told me she was coming. In that moment I moved up on her, our hands still together as I entered her we both moaned in pleasure as I just intensified her orgasm and as I felt one of the warmest tightest pussies I have ever felt.
As we lay there me slowly thrusting in and out of her she looked at me and in that moment I knew I knew she was perfect for me. The way she looked at me said I want to be with you forever. Please never leave me. I leaned close to her and we kisses passionately as I continued so slowly thrust into her. After a moment she started matching my thrusts with her own. And soon we were having the best sex... no we were making love like we have never done before.
Time goes by and soon she was in heaven, climaxing every couple of minutes and an hour goes by as I start to feel my own climax start to happen. I kiss her and tell her that I am going to come soon and just as she comes out of her last orgasm she has me pull out and move to her face as she starts to suck my throbbing shaft. And then it happened I tilted my head back and almost screamed at the orgasm I was experiencing. Load after load I came into her mouth it felt like I was coming for a good 5 minutes and when I looked at the clock I realized that I had come for 5 minutes shooting every load into this goddess mouth as she tried to swallow all of my seed she couldn't keep up and a little bit started to drip down her chin. By the time I was finished we were both spent. And we lay there holding each other tightly not ever wanting to let go. And finally slowly drifted off to sleep. |
Title: 7 Days in heaven: Day 2
Tags: True Story, Blowjob, Boys/Teen Female, Consensual Sex, Male / Female Teens, Male / Females, Teen
Introduction:
part 2 of 7. story takes place in a dream and is about a girl coming to visit a guy for the first time
Content:
Second story of 7 days. day to starts off with a wonderful wake up, followed by a steamy shower, romantic walks on the beach, dinner, and all that sappy stuff... i hope you enjoy and please leave some comments
Day 2: Early morning
I awoke to the most beautiful sight in the world. There she was sleeping next to me looking so peaceful and deep in dream land. I could have stayed there watching her for hours but I had something I had to do. I slowly made my way out of our bed trying my best not to wake her, when I moved and she stirred I held my breath, thankfully she never woke up. I made my way out of my room and into the place where my other talents are put to good use: the kitchen.
For the next 30min or so I prepared the best breakfast I have ever done. French toast with a sweet twist, scrambled eggs with bacon bits, fresh fruit and a glass of a mixture of juices. I put them all on a tray and garnished it up making it look beautiful. I then proceeded to place a Lilly across the bottom of the tray because I know it is her favorite flower. I slowly make my way back to our room carefully opening the door and placing the tray next to the bed. I then carefully lean over her and give her a soft sweet kiss on the lips waking her from her sleep. And then she looked at me with those tired pretty eyes and my heart melted. I said good morning beautiful and kissed her forehead. I asked her how she slept and she told me wonderful. I told her I had a surprise for her and I grabbed the tray of food and set it over her. It looked like she was about to cry when she saw what I had done for her. She thanked me and kissed me passionately before we started to eat enjoying each other’s company.
After breakfast I cleared our things back to the kitchen and started to wash the dishes. As I was washing them she came in and wrapped her arms around my waist and held me like she never wanted to let go. She proceeded to tip toe up and kiss me on the cheek and whispers in my ear “last night was amazing” I tell her I'm glad she enjoyed it and that I would be willing to do it again every night she wanted to. She blushed and kissed me on my cheek again and told me she’s going to get ready for the day to come.
I finished up the dishes and went back to the bed room to get changed myself.... but little did I know I had a surprise waiting for me.
I opened the door to my room and I found my breath leaving my lungs... because before me was my girl laying in our bed naked with the blanket covering just her legs and hips, holding the Lilly and rubbing it up and down her chest. I walk over beside her and lean in for a gentle kiss... well it was going to be a gentle kiss. But when I leaned over she grabbed me around the neck and pulled me on top of her and we embraced each other as we kissed passionately. Within minutes she had taken my shirt and sweats off and we lay naked holding each other. She then rolled me on my back and told me to relax and not do anything, I was skeptical at first but that soon changed as she ran her hands in my hair and started to kiss my neck. Softly just brushing her lips on my skin. She started moving seductively lower kissing me on her way down, she kissed my collar bone, my peck, my nipple, along my abs, and then she followed my treasure trail lower. She started to run her fingers through my curly black pubic hair with one hand while her other hand cupped my balls and squeezed them gently. She moved her mouth onto the tip of my now throbbing cock kissing it from the tip to the bottom of my shaft.
At this point I was in a starry bliss of pleasure and when she moved up and took me in her mouth I thought I was going to come right there. But thankfully I didn't, she started to work up and down my shaft slowly as she cupped my balls, but soon she started to move faster, up and down, up and down. While she was doing this she was looking me in the eyes... or at least trying to since my head started to move back as I let out a load moan letting her know I am about to come. She understands the cue and starts going faster and faster until finally I tilt my head back and unload my seed deep into her mouth. She keeps going though not letting up for even a moment as she sucks and swallows my entire load.
After she finishes she comes up and kisses me and rests her head and hand on my chest. I kiss her forehead and ask her when she wants to leave... she replies with “never” and soon we drifted off to sleep.
Day 2: Early Afternoon
Around 11 or so in the morning we woke up to find each other starring into one another's eyes. I looked at her and with a smile on my face and she said morning darling. I kissed her forehead and asked her if she was ready get out of bed and start getting ready to leave. Her response was closing her eyes, snuggling into my arms, and pretending to fall asleep. I would have loved to spend the day in bed with her cuddling and not moving. But I had a plan and I intended on following it. So I poked her side, she squirmed and giggled but didn't move, so I did it again, once again same reaction, by now I was getting a little creative... so I moved up a little and placed my one hand on her shoulder, and in a heartbeat I pushed her so she was on her back and I moved on top of her leaning in kissing her passionately but because I was trying to get her out of bed not keep her in I stopped and got off her and stood up. She looked at me flustered and told me that was just mean. I told her if she wants to finish that kiss she would have to get out of bed and come and get it... and boy did she ever. As she slowly slid those bare legs out from under the covers I realized I should not have said that. She seductively got out of bed and walked to me naked with a look of passion in her eyes. When she got to me she wrapped one arm around to my back and the other around to my head holding me running her hands in my hair as she kissed me not with a wanting kiss but I kiss of need, in this moment she needed me.
We continued to kiss naked for several minutes when finally she pulled back and asked me if we really had to leave... and me being the sap I am just shook my head. She smiled and dragged me back to bed completely in control, not that I cared. I was happy just being with her. She laid me on my back and started kissing my neck making me moan in pleasure as I reached down and grabbed her perfectly formed butt gently caressing and massaging it. She let out a small gasp when I first grabbed her ass but she leaned in and whispered how she liked it. Then she started to kiss lower starting at my ear working to my neck, chest, stomach and finally teasing me back to my lips. We kisses passionately for a minute before she moved up teasing my chest by running her perfect breasts across them and moving her lips so they are almost touching mine and right as she kisses me she moves her hips lower taking my throbbing hard on deep into her body as we both moaned in unison from the pleasure. She stayed there for a moment just being one with me and I enjoyed every second of it, and when she leaned in and started to kiss me I felt like time had stood still and all that there was in the universe was me, her, and this moment.
Soon she starts rocking her hips back and forth making love to me slowly but it’s driving me wild as I kiss her and run my hands across her back. Through her hair. But she looks at me with this beautiful evil smirk and I become scared and as she starts to tease me by kissing my ear and coming up on me so only the tip of my dick is in her. Then in a fluid motion she slams herself onto me making me gasp and moan, but she moves up again with me almost slipping out as she whispers in my ear if I want her. I tell her I need her and half way through my sentence she pushes herself back onto me making me moan and cut off my last word. We start to pick up the pace going faster and faster as she reaches her climax, and then I feel it, she starts to tighten around my cock as she leans back and tilts her head back moaning in ecstasy as her orgasm releases, and in that moment I can’t hold on any more and I join her in my own bliss of ecstasy as I come deep in her. Then she collapses on to my chest as I am still in her our juices leaking down my shaft and onto my bed, I realized that I will need to change my sheets a lot this week, but I don't care. As we lay there in perfect harmony our breathing slow and deep holding each other sweaty and spent. As I lay there I still think she is too good to be true and that this is all a dream.... if it really is a dream then I never want to wake up...but no matter what, I will love her with all my heart and do anything I can to make her happy.
Day 2: The Shower
After lying in bed for a few moments we finally agreed to get out of bed and start the day. But considering we were both covered in each other’s juices and sweat we thought it would be smart to take a shower first. And like the saying says “why waste water? Shower with a friend.” that is exactly what we planned to do.
We got up and moved into the bathroom as I got a towel for her and a towel for me. Since we were already naked there was no point in taking any clothes off, so we turned on the water and let it warm up after it warmed up we both stepped in and let the warm water wash over us. I think at this point that running water was one of the best feelings we had. As I stood there I just watched her and the water falling off of her skin making it shine and look glossy, her hair now wet was draped over her shoulders and down on to those perfect breasts. Well I'm sure you know what happened next, looking at this beauty started to make me hard again and when she looked at me and noticed it all she did was laugh and say “wow ready to go again” I blushed slightly and she came over to stroke me gently as she pressed her wet naked body against mine and kissed me very passionately. She pulled back and continued to wash herself and I just looked at her like the tease she is as I grabbed the soap and started to wash myself.
When I was covered in soap I decided to have a little fun and came up behind her and I put my slippery arms around her waist pulled her close and kissed her neck softly but biting it just to tease her. At this point my erection had grown fully and was now pressing against her lower back and it seemed like I surprised her because as I was kissing her she tilted her head back and started to moan as she reached down and starting rubbing her clit with one hand, and with her other hand she reached up and grabbed my hair and pulled me closer to her as she turned her head to meet my lips with hers.
We kissed for a few minutes with the water from the shower raining over us making the sensation so much better, before she turned around and pulled me close so I could feel her every curve molding along my body as we kissed. Her nipples now hard were pressing into and teasing my chest as she moved to start kissing my neck, and my chest. Then without saying anything she turned over so her back was facing me and she bent over looking at me and I knew then what she wanted as I positioned the head of my dick into her tight hole, and in a slow motion I drove half of my dick into her, and pulling out just so the tip was still in before I drove the rest of my dick into her. Then we started to make love in the shower with the water running all over my chest and her back and within minutes she was saying my name and coming all over my shaft, the water quickly washing it off though. After she came I decided to try something, I pulled out of her, stood her up, turned her around, and picked her up. She got the hint and wrapped her long legs around my waist as I drove back into her now holding her by her ass as I continued to thrust into her. This time with the water running all over her back and over her shoulders onto me and it was within minutes that she started to come again but this time when she reached her climax and I felt her start to come I joined her as I thrust deep into her and started to shoot my seed. A few minutes later when my dick became flaccid, I pulled out of her and placed her down, we had a little laugh because she almost fell down since her legs were like Jelly, but I helped her up and I helped clean her and she helped clean me. Shortly after we got out of the shower and dried off, and finally started to get ready to go out.
Day 2: The Night life of the City
We were both spent from a day of fun and hot sweaty sex, so we agreed to take a little break and get some dinner and have a nice quiet night. We decided to go out for dinner followed by a nice walk on the beach. Nothing to fancy but the perfect way to welcome her to the city, come good food and the sight of sunset on the west coast.
I got dressed in jeans and a casual dress shirt, and she chose something similar, jean shorts and a beautiful summer blouse. We headed out for a small family restaurant by my house for a nice semi romantic dinner. During the meal we laughed about some of our past stories, we talked about the past twenty four hours and how much we enjoyed it, and we talked about our plans for the future…family, work, you know just the usual dinner conversation, well besides the sex experience. After dinner we shared a chocolate cake like desert, I paid and we left for the beach. Thankfully for us I happen to life five minutes away from the beach so it wasn’t that far of a walk. But we took our time, stopping by the park, we went to the swings and I pushed her as she was on one, and being the klutz that I am I was paying too much attention to her hair waving in the wind to notice her coming back and knocking me to the ground, she jumped off the swing and ran do me as I lay in the sand laughing at my misfortune as she came and kneeled beside me asking if I was okay. I responded with a soft kiss to her lips, but within seconds that turned into a passionate open mouth kiss as she lay on top of me in the sandy ground of the park swing set. After a minute or so of kissing and when my head stopped hurting, we got up and started out walk towards the beach, as we walked it was like we were little kids swinging our arms up and down and I even twirled her a couple times she looked at me like I was a goof and I responded by kissing her cheek and nose. We kept walking to the beach hand in hand talking, goofing around, being young and in love as they say. As we got to the beach she looked at me, kissed my cheek, took off her shoes and socks, and started running to the water. So I did the only thing I could think of. I took mine off to and started to chase after her. So there we ran along the beach me chasing after her running through the sandy beach and shallow water, finally after catching up with her I wrapped my arms around her waist and she returned my gesture by wrapping her arms and hands around mine. As we held each other we just stood there watching the sunset slowly creep down onto the west coast being at complete peace. That is until she turned around into my arms, looked up at me with eyes as beautiful as the sunset and she came on her tip toes and kissed me. All I could do at this point was to keep holding her and kissing her like time had just stood still. Finally when time started to tick again we put our shoes back on and walked back to my place, my arm around her waist, her arm around mine.
Eventually we made it home and got changed into our bed wear, and being the hopeless romantic I am I put in the titanic for us to watch. I have never seen it and it is one of her favorite movies. We snuggled in bed watching it and when the scene came on where he was painting her naked I looked at her and asked her if I could do that, she said sure with a smile on her face, then I said no sorry I am a terrible drawer. So she looked at me and said you don’t need a paint brush to capture me naked and she looked at my camera with a seductive look on her face. All I did was smile and start to get up to grab it, but before I got anywhere she grabbed me and pulled me back to the bed and told me after the movie. So now we are snuggling there watching the rest of the movie and as I am watching it all that’s going through my head is: “I can’t wait until this movie is over.”
The move soon finished and I could have sworn I saw a tear in her eye; maybe I was wrong because if there was she hid it well. But after the movie finished we just lay there holding each other her leaving soft kisses on my chest and me leaving them on her head. It was then she looked up at me and said: “do you want me to get the camera or do you want to get it?” so I got up and retrieved my camera. I asked her how she wanted to do this and all she said was take pictures and ill pose for you. So that’s just what I did. I started taking pictures as she stroked sexy poses, we took some with her biting her lip, playing innocent, semi nude, fully nude, her touching herself and playing with herself, and a lot more teasing photos. I just couldn’t believe she was letting me photograph her like this I knew that I would have these photo’s forever. After this little photo shoot she was really turned on, hell we were both really turned on, and she asked me if I wanted to take more photos and I said sure not knowing what was about to happen. Next thing I knew she took the camera and started to kiss me, “click” she took a photo, she moved down kissing my chest “click” moving lower to the bulge in my sweats. As she pulled them down releasing my cock from its prison and taking it into her mouth “click” I was starting to get really turned on with this as she slowly worked on my cock as she took pictures. Then she moved up and gave me the camera as she positioned herself just behind my cock as I took pictures of me rubbing against her tight slit. Then she positioned herself so just my tip was in her as I took another photo, and finally she moved onto my cock as I took another picture while moaning, I took this opportunity to take some pictures of her riding my cock moaning in pleasure and before I knew it she was coming and right on cue as she started to so did I. It may have not lasted as long as the others but it still was amazing and I think she felt the same. After we finished we just lay there embraced as I stroked her back and she stroked my chest. She looked up to me with a smile on her face and said she can’t wait to see the photos… in the morning. We stayed there holding each other until we drifted off to sleep. Waiting for the next day to come. |
Title: 7 days in her place
Tags: Fantasm, First Time
Introduction:
Next thing I knew I was in a female body
Content:
to tell my story I must start in the beginning. since 5th grade she's been in almost all my classes, I've seen her in the hall ways, but I never said hi. After graduating I went to a college that was near my town, about 40 miles away. I was staying with my older sister while i was in college. On the first day I went I saw her there, she was still looking more beautiful then ever. Blond hair to her shoulder, Bright green eyes, around 5'8, skinny, maybe a B bra size and the roundest,biggest, ass I have ever seen on a thin girl. I would have tried to get with during high school, but she was a high class girl, her family was military, and rich. she had only had 2 boyfriends, Never had sex and I never saw her at parties, The best part was she didn't smoke or drink like some of the skanks in our school. she was extremely nice, and talked to everyone but no one had the balls to ask her out. When I saw her at the college she noticed me and said, "Hi" that single word can make a man crazy. since that day I promised myself that I would get with her, But there were other plans for me and her, DARK,Sexual plans.
I remember reading about vodo rituals on the internet and how to switch body's with someone and take over there life but your body would remain the same, and once you were done you would go back to your own body and remember everything, while the other persons body was being used they would be asleep and not remember a thing. My plan was to switch bodys with my neighbor who was a millionaire stash some money somewhere then pick it up my self., his house took over the whole entire block. One day during Christmas Vacation I was doing the Ritual my parents were gone to there anniversary after Christmas and I told my little sister I had to go back to college but I was lying of course so I dropped her off at our aunts house. How the ritual is supposed to work is in the middle of the circle you put either a picture or a piece of hair in it and you light the candles and when the candles are done burning it happens. At first I didn't believe this so I put her picture that i had gotten from her at graduation. I fell asleep while the candles burned and the next thing I knew I woke up in another persons room.
First thing I did was get naked and I started touching my self, First my chest, They weren't big but they were just right, First I started pinching my nipples for at least 30 minutes, it felt so Good!, It turned me on so much I could feel a tingling sensation in my vagina, As i thought to myself I looked around the room and looked for anything that was long and the same size at a cock, my luck nothing. so I started fingering my self it hurt so much at first because she was still a virgin. her Vagina was small and I wanted to save that for later, so I started fingering my asshole, it hurt but pleasured me at the same time, I walked around the house after a while of fingering. and I found the parents room, I looked for money and got lucky $850, I put on some clothes that didn't show my huge ass. and went straight to the mall. I bought some clothes for her/myself and went to a sex shop afterwards. I bought a normal size Dildo, a double sided strap on, a video recorder, and a but plug.
I know my body was still at my house living a normal life, when I got there I just walked in and I saw myself sitting on the couch, I looked startled but I knew I would like Wat was coming next, I started taking off my clothes and I crawled to myself and I wanted to get ass fucked, and loose my virginity. So I started sucking my own cock, and man did it turn me on. I blew a huge load in my face. and I told myself put it in. Without hesitation I did and I felt something in my vagina, I looked down and I saw blood I had lost my virginity. after sex I told my self what was going on, He agreed seeing a circle and candles on the floor when he woke up. I stayed in my house with my other self for a week and everyday we fucked 10 times a day. fucking my pussy and tearing my asshole. the last thing i wanted to do was fuck this one girl I knew from my hold school, she had the biggest tits probably 36DDD, and good looking ass but as the one I had, but she was a major skank. I knocked on the door and we went to her room I told her I had a huge crush on her and that I was lesbian, she told me she wasn't into girl but I put on the double sided strap on and told her if we could do it she said okay. I set up the camera up and then we started fucking, I sucked on her enormous tits for at least 30 minutes and then ate her pussy then came the fun part, I fucked her in her loose twat,back and forth,back and forth, it was awesome I noticed my time was almost up so I went to my house and stashed the video in my room, then took her body back to her own house, showered, threw away the toys, and went to sleep in the same clothes she had on. When I woke up I kept the video and the photo for a second visit I would do later on. |
Title: 7 GRAY DAY 8 HOT SPOT
Tags: True Story, Boy, First Time, Male/Female, Romance, Young
Introduction:
Naturist kid falls in love with cute girl. Hero baseball coach be my dad, he's really dating mom!
Content:
[b]7 GRAY DAY
Jeff goes to Sean’s house after school. Sean’s not very talkative. “What’s wrong Sean!? You look really depressed.”
“Nothing.”
“What do you mean nothing!? Tell me.”
“Big fight with the woman of my dreams.”
Shocked, with compassion, “Ohhhh.” Then a brainstorm, “So you can go to the beach with us tomorrow!”
Annoyed, but quietly, “Don’t even go there.”
“I’m so sorry. I’ll leave you alone—until I think of a way to cheer you up.”
“Thanks, buddy…. Actually, why don’t you sit with me in my big recliner?”
“Sure!”
Jeff lays a hand on Sean’s thigh. Sean puts his arm around Jeff’s back. Soon Jeff gets on Sean’s lap resting chest to chest, moving his hands to his shoulders. Sean wraps his arms around Jeff, one hand moving to his shoulder, the other to his buttocks. Quietly tears rolls down Sean’s cheeks. He becomes amazed by the comfort he experiences in Jeff’s loving embrace.
That night Sean sleeps restlessly. In the morning he eventually drags himself out of bed, muttering to himself, “What will I do today, without Roxanne? I feel so empty. Guess checking out the babes at the beach aint a half-bad idea. I think I’ll call Jeff. Where’s his number. “Morning. This is Sean.”
Ignoring Sean’s melancholy grumble, “Hey! Sean! Good morning. You’re not calling a practice today, are you? We’re packing for the…”
“Beach. I…”
“Wanna go too! All right! Mom, Sean is coming too!”
With his head beginning to spin, “Jeff. I’d like to ask your mom, not tell her.”
“She’s already figuring on it.”
“Well, OK. And thanks for making me feel so welcome. I need that this morning.”
“Yeah. I could tell.”
“Really? Impressive! So what time should I come over?”
“Mom says she’ll pick you up around 10:30. Is that OK?”
“Sounds good, buddy. See you soon.”
8 HOT SPOT
As Rachel pulls into the parking lot Sean says, “I’m not familiar with this beach.”
Rachel replies, “It’s called Black’s Beach.”
“Oh!? Isn’t that a nudist beach?”
“Didn’t you tell him, Jeff? I’m so embarrassed! Let’s go to La Jolla Beach instead.”
“Well, Rachel. That’s kind of you. But we’re here already.”
“Have you ever been to a clothing-optional beach before?”
“No. But I’ll give it a whirl.”
So they make their way down to the beach. Jeff strips the instant he put his stuff down. Surprised, Sean says, “Well. You’re quite the veteran in this sandbox.”
“I love being naked as a jaybird.”
“So I see.”
As they all get settled in Sean surmises that Rachel isn’t getting naked out of deference to him. He doesn’t feel ready to show the world his manhood, but thinks, “If I get naked, then she will feel free to do her thing.” While playing in the sand, Jeff keeps him in his radar. He knows some people take hours to bare all in public for the first time. He could see how nervous Sean is, yet he moves with great determination. Anticipating that Sean would make a beeline to his chair, Jeff quickly puts a towel in it, explaining that you need to do that before putting your butt down.
Trying to sound relaxed, “Thanks Jeff.”
Sure enough. Sean sits down quickly, before Jeff can straighten out the towel. Sure enough, Rachel gets up. With exquisite elegance she begins to disrobe. Sean would have fallen over, had he not been seated. This takes babe watching to a whole new level, he realizes. It’s like she’s doing a strip tease for me, as he wipes the drool off his chin. Of course, it didn’t matter which way she turns. Her body stuns from all angles.
When Jeff sees Sean really relaxing, he comes over and sits on his leg, one leg on each side, “Wanna play Frisbee?”
Feeling Jeff’s scrotum on his leg, Sean feels frightened, yet amazed by his carefree spirit. “Yeah, sound like a good idea.”
To Sean’s delight Rachel joins in on the fun. How tantalizing to watch her large, firm breasts bounce with every movement. After a while Rachel says, “Well I worked up a good thirst. How about the two of you?”
“You bet.” So they sit down for some ice-cold lemonade.
Their small talk gets interrupted, “Hi Jeff! Hi Rachel.”
“Hi Alex.”
“You brought company.” Alex turns toward him, “Sean!” Instantly his boyhood rises to full attention. Jeff and Rachel chuckle. “So you frequent Black’s Beach too, huh.”
“First time, buddy,” as Alex leans over to give him a hug. Sean moves his arm as he feels a hot hammer brush against it. “Down boy. Down boy.”
“You think I’m a dog!”
“Well you appear to be as active as one.”
“Come on, Sean.”
“Please don’t cum on me.”
Again Jeff and Rachel chuckle. That surprises Sean. He didn’t expect Jeff to follow the play on words. Jeff follows with, “He can’t do that yet.”
“Could’ve fooled me!”
Rachel graciously offers, “Who wants to go swimming?” So they all make their way to the peaceful ocean. Sean feels like he is in heaven as he walks beside Rachel. Alex and Jeff already frolicking in the water, “Come on, you slow pokes.”
When they finally catch up, the kids just about tackle Sean. As the horseplay continues, all Sean can think about is his desire to be carousing with Rachel, the quiet observer. Yes, he appreciates how the kids have removed him from his misery, but he’s becoming overwhelmed with feelings for Rachel. “Come on and join the fray, Rachel.” He senses that she feels the same way about him, but she doesn’t join in. Sean finds an opportunity to break free from the boys, moving to gently tackle Rachel. They never even touched before. She gets up, turns to tackle him chest to chest. Sean wraps his arms around her—to keep his head from going under, of course. The boys watch in awe. “My Mom had a crush on him since the first time she set eyes on him. Sean’s gonna be my father! Just watch!”
“That’s fine, as long as he’s my lover.”
“You’re a sick puppy.”
“No I’m not. I just know what I want. He’s got the hottest ass I ever did see.”
“You got hard before seeing his butt, butthead…. Too bad he doesn’t want you.”
“He will. You’ll see.” He cringes as he sees Sean and Rachel maintaining a full embrace as their tongues explore each other’s mouth.
As Rachel and Sean walk back to their chairs, “Rachel, please don’t be offended. The only reason I came today was I felt lonely and wanted to watch babes. I guess Jeff told you about the fight with my finance.”
“Yes, he did.”
“Honestly, I wasn’t thinking about you. Now I’m thinking—Jeff is ten. That would make you a lot older than you look, a lot older than me.”
“Actually, I’m 23. I was 12 when I gave birth to Jeff. His father took no responsibility in his care. My parents took care of him as I finished school.”
“Wow! I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through.”
“Mostly it’s been wonderful, thanks to my parents.”
“I’m 20, so 23 works. You were 12!?”
“Weren’t you?”
“I don’t remember. Alzheimer’s disease must be setting in. Give me a day and I won’t remember this incredibly hot experience.” |
Title: ( 7 )Joy gets paid this time for her fun
Tags: True Story, Anal, Ass to mouth, Ass to pussy, Bestiality, Bi-sexual, Cum Swallowing, Fisting, Group Sex, Water Sports/Pissing
Introduction:
we didnt know he was charging the guys
Content:
Grant was working away again, when Steve rung and asked if we wanted to meet up for more fun, I told him it would just be me, but yes I was keen to repeat my last lot of fun with the guys, some 20 hours of near content fucking by them all, I was told to arrive early Saturday afternoon and be horny.
I thought about telling Grant before I went, but knew he would wank himself silly while I was there, so I left a note for him when I took off, hot and ready for a fuck. I heard from one of the guys who went last time, Steve charges them for the group fucks, maybe I should ask for some money, seeing as it's my body they use, but then I do like the fun.
Steve had around 15 cars there as I drove up, walking naked into the play room, it didn't take long before I was lifted up and impaled one a big cock, my pussy full as another cock found my ass ready to use, I love the feeling as guy after guy waited, using my mouth to keep their cocks hard then taking turns to fill me with their cum. Steve as always used my ass to empty his balls, then fisted me helping to open my ass ready for his dogs.
I let all the guys cum at least once then asked to have one of the dogs fuck me, the new Sheppard walked over, his mouth open, he licked my cummy ass, within seconds he was up and fucking me hard, I love the way this dog pounds me, he is faster than the others, plus his knot is bigger, I just had to get all his cock in my ass, my orgasm going strong as he enjoyed my body, I knew it would be soon that I will once more feel him shot me full of doggy cum.
I had to help him, pulling my ass cheeks apart his knot found my hole, and an extra 4 inches of cock went up deeper inside my body, I love the orgasm I have with him, each one bigger then before as we get into our own sex filled world, then all too soon, his cum flooded my bowels, gallons raced up, the heat was extreme he growled letting the guys know I was his bitch once more, no sooner had his knot pulled out, then several guys used my ass to dump more cum into, not sure if they could touch the sides after him, my hole stays open for awhile when his knots been in me.
The light faded as more guys turned up, I had been fucked by all 3 dogs now, and the guys were on seconds, it was time to really let loose, I told Steve to get one of the horses, my ass was ready, I was helped to the frame, he was brought up and quickly mounted me, his cock ready, he knew me now, with a good sniff of the amyl I got ready for his cock, inch by inch he pushed in, every thrust going further again, all the time Steve giving him more mare scent to urge him on, Steve knows the hornier the horse is the harder he pushes in me.
I was feeling great as he fucked my ass, now his whole cock buried deep inside me, as he built up ready to cum, with more amyl I got ready knowing his cum will put more pressure on my bowels and hurt a bit, that was all it took, one hard thrust and a gallon of horse cum filled my ass, this time it didn't hurt as a huge orgasm took control shaking the frame with me.
I knew when he pulled out more cum would shoot over me and the guys, a good reason to let them use me now to piss on and clean me off a bit, but my pussy was quickly filled by a cock as the horse pulled out, and a fist went up my ass to keep it open. Some 4 or 5 guys now unloaded cum into me, before I told them to try water sports over me, this time I wasn't allowed up, they all just stood over me pissing on my body and face, washing of the horse cum I drank some replenishing my body with fluid, just as another horse was led up and started to fuck my abused ass.
The guys love seeing us take the dogs and horses, and now with the second one punishing my ass, my orgasm were louder and longer, cocks filled my mouth with cum another good orgasm and the horse finished by filling me again, this time I told a guy to fist me as soon as he pulled out, he did, another orgasm shot though me as they took turns fisting my ass and pussy.
I needed a rest, as they eased me off the frame, cum race from both holes, this time I got Steve and sat on his face, forcing him to eat it all, before pissing right in his mouth, causing him to gag somewhat, his fist quickly filled my ass and sent me into a wild orgasm once more.
The night went on, as guy after guy and dogs and horse's had fun, I finally went to sleep late in the night, while a guy was still fucking me, like before, my body too tired to carry on, but my pussy and ass more than happy.
I was woken with a cock filling my pussy with cum, he grunted, saying how hot I looked covered in dry cum of all sorts, I needed to empty my bladder, and took guys out side, then swatted over two and pissed on them, a fist went up my ass to repay my cheek, the first orgasm of the day took me by surprise.
By lunch time all the guys that stayed had fucked me once more and the dogs were happy too, I was being fucked by one of the horses when Grant turned up mid day, his ass quickly filled with a cock and cum, before long we both had taken on all the guys and dogs, Steve more than happy when more guys turned up, whilst resting, I asked him how much he charged them, a shy look and a quite $100 was his reply, not bad, seeing as over 25 guys had used me and Grant.
By late afternoon, with every one now running out of cum, and our holes, especially my ass, getting a bite sore, we called it quits, as we were leaving, Steve handed me a envelope, kissing me and saying, let's get together soon, we both said we wanted to meet in a couple of weeks, and make a long weekend of it.
Whilst Grant was empting his balls in my ass later I remembered the envelope, so pulling it out of my toy bag. out dropped around a $1000, not bad for a day's fun, Grant asked about it, when I told him, he laughed saying, we both enjoyed it for free, but to get paid for letting the guys and animals fuck us was even better, he sent Steve a message saying we would be back in two weeks time from Friday to Sunday night, and no limit on the number of guys. |
Title: 7 love dove love shove
Tags: True Story, Boy, Boy / Boy, Exhibitionism, Humiliation, Non-Erotic, Young
Introduction:
Just sit back and enjoy the ride!
Content:
13 LOVE FROM ABOVE
"Hey Alex. I'm so happy for you and Logan."
"Thanks Jeff, but what happened to you?"
"What do you mean?"
"This speaking in tongues stuff."
"Oh! You heard. Who told you?"
"Who didn't tell me!" Everyone thinks your cranium cracked."
"It was crazy! But I'm still the little rascal you always knew."
"You look different."
"How? What's different?"
"I don't know, but I'm afraid for you."
"Come off it! You're fearless. We're fearless. I couldn't be happier."
"Maria says she sees the Holy Spirit burning in your heart. What's that supposed to mean?"
"I don't know that stuff. Maria burns in my heart.... I guess you could say God burns in my heart."
"So you're in love with God."
"Nooooo ... yes! Sean's a dad to me. So is God. I feel so loved by them."
"I wish he'd love me."
"God does love you."
With fluttering eyes, "No, I mean Sean."
Jeff tackles Alex, "You only have sex on your mind."
"So do you. You want Sean too."
Jeff had forgotten that he had told Alex that some time ago. "I love Maria. Now I want Sean as a father only."
"Good. Then he’s mine."
"Not."
Alex smiles slyly, kissing Jeff on the cheek.
Jeff smiles likewise, "I'm telling Logan."
14 BURY THE WORRY
When Jeff gets home, he hugs Sean vigorously.
"Thanks, Jeff, you're so bubbly today."
Flippantly, "Yeah, you wanna bubble bath?"
Sean smiles, "No, but I need a shower."
Jeff jumps for joy, "With me!"
Appreciative of his enthusiasm, "Yes, I'm ready."
Jeff looks deeply into Sean's eyes, "I won't be pushy. I love you to much for that."
Feeling like their souls just touched, "I've been sensing that."
In the shower, Jeff says, "I missed this so much. It's like my soapy hands gliding across every inch of your body expresses my deep love for you."
"Jeff, it's better this time. I don't feel threatened anymore. I trust you not to twist my arm. I'm not afraid."
Jeff responds, looking up, "Dear Lord, I feel like I'm loving you as I love Sean. I feel your love while I feel Sean's love."
Sean's especially in his glory as Jeff carefully lathers up his testicles, "I feel so loved." Jeff responds with the same words as Sean washes his buttocks. Questions of sexual intent never enter the picture. Each knows that neither one has any sexual agenda, so the thought never crosses their minds. After drying each other off, they get into bed with no thought of their nakedness. They cuddle, talking about Birch Aquarium. Then they fall asleep in each others arms.
Soon Rachel gets home from work, seeing them naked in each other's arms. She feels the urge to join them, but chooses not to disturb their nap. She leaves to get her camera, taking several shots of them. She then gets on Sean's computer, making one of the photos his background. She prints another, frames it and sets it in the den.
As she cooks dinner, Jeff wakes up thinking, "Wow, Mom could have seen us napping naked. Sean always has his clothes on when she gets home. I guess she didn't come up here." He starts getting dressed, then stops, thinking, "I'm always naked when she gets home." So he runs down to greet her.
Soon Sean awakens, thinking, "I'm naked. It's a good thing Jeff wasn't here when Rachel got home." He gets dressed and goes down to greet Rachel. Soon he goes to his office. In no time he's back with a apprehensive look of disbelief on his face. Jeff returns from the den at the same time, with the same look on his face. Rachel ignores them, but clearly notices their expressive looks. Sean and Jeff look at each other, perplexed by each other's apprehension.
Rachel looks up, "Dinner's ready.... Why are you two looking at me like I'm a ghost?"
Both stammer with Jeff finally noting, "There's a nude picture of me and Sean in the den."
Sean blurts out, "There is! There's one on my computer too!"
Rachel smiles, "Welcome to the 21st century."
Suddenly Jeff goes on the attack, "Mom, you took a picture of us naked!"
"No I didn't."
Puzzled further, "You didn't?"
"No. I took several."
Breathing a sigh of relief, Sean simply says, "Cute. You sure had us going!"
"Yes, you two just were too cute. I had to take some pictures."
"Mom, you don't plan to keep that picture in the den, do you?"
"No, it belongs in an art gallery."
Sean panics, "Yeah right! I could be arrested for that picture on my computer."
Changing the momentum, "Sean, you were naked when I got home."
Suddenly Sean and Jeff become apprehensive again. Finally Sean says, "It just doesn't seem like a concern anymore. I let myself be myself."
"Then why worry so much?"
"Well ... I don't know if you feel the same way."
Rachel smiles, goes to hug him, "I sure do." |
Title: 8- My High School Sweetheart’s Little Sister -pt. 8 (Practicing with Stacy / Poolside)
Tags: Fiction, Anal, Female/Female, First Time, Male / Female Teens, Male/Teen Female, Threesome, Virginity, Young
Introduction:
This is the eighth chapter of this story from my late teens, where my girlfriend’s little sister made it through puberty only to lose her innocence due to my uncontrollable lust for her. In this chapter, Cindy wants a Do-Over to lose her virginity, but needs her friend Stacy’s help
Content:
.
————————— Part 8: Practicing w/Stacy—————————
I tried to bury myself in school and work in the weeks after the "pool party" at Stacy's house. I was working evenings during the week, and Saturdays too. But I found it hard to concentrate on anything since my mind was either filled with visions of those two young girls, naked and spread open for me, or worrying about the possibility of Stacy being pregnant. Studying for my classes was nearly impossible, and the only way I could sleep was after a marathon session of masturbating. I even woke sometimes in the middle of the night with a raging hard-on, and would have to jerk myself off to sleep again.
Almost three weeks passed before Cindy called me down at the office. "Hi Jeff! I'm sorry I haven't called. There's always someone home... no privacy here at all. They're finally all gone tonight.”
I was overjoyed that she called, "God, Cindy, it's so nice to hear your voice. I've been going a little mad the past couple of weeks."
There was a short pause before Cindy responded, "Oh, about Stacy? She told me she started her period yesterday. I the think I was more relieved than she was. She really believed that vinegar & water thing fixed everything."
"It may have... that was quick thinking on your part. You have no idea what a relief it is that Stacy isn't pregnant."
Another pause, "Is that the only thing that has been on your mind?"
I laughed, “No… YOU have been on my mind. In fact, I haven't been able to think about anything else."
"You haven't been thinking about Stacy?"
I hesitated... "Well, of course I have been thinking about Stacy as well... I am a guy, and that was amazing... the whole night was unbelieveable... but the image I think about at night is watching you climax while on top of her. I think I have abused myself just about to death thinking about that."
Cindy laughed, "Don't do that! We have plans... I mean... I have plans for you.”
....... we have plans
"Have you and Stacy done anything together since that night? I have to say... that was really hot."
Cindy laughed again, although a little nervously, "No, but we have talked about it a lot. I mean... we have talked about things that happened with you, but not about what happened between Stace and me."
"I'm sorry I was so rough with you. I can go a little crazy sometimes...especially when alcohol is involved."
"Stop apologizing! I loved every moment of that night... well, except that I couldn't..."
She suddenly gasped, "I gotta go. Someone's home."
"Call me back as soon as you can. I work Saturdays too and..."
She hung up before I could finish.
.
———————-—— Cindy & Stacy's Plans —————————
Late that Saturday afternoon the phone rang at the office again. "Jeff? I'm over at Stacy's. Her parents are over at a friends for dinner so we have a little time."
Stacy yelled in the background, "Hi Jeff!"
"Cindy! Thank you for calling! I've been thinking about you."
"You have? Whatcha been thinking? You been thinkin about our party?"
I could hear Stacy laughing, "Woo-Hoo! Party! Let's have another one!"
This made me smile, and immediately stirred my dick awake, "Yes... of course I've been thinking about our party. And of you two lovely girls. I can't get you off of my mind."
"That's sweet of you to say", Cindy replied, "We have been thinking about you as well..."
Stacy interrupted, "And that big dick! Tell him I couldn't fucking walk the next day!"
Cindy shushed her friend, "Hush! Stop being such a little tramp!"
"Have you two been drinking this afternoon?" I asked, based on what I was hearing in the background from Stacy.
"Maybe a little. Stacy is making us something with orange juice."
I was concerned about them drinking at such a young age, and if Stacy’s parents would notice the missing alcohol, then I remembered how much booze was in the huge bar. There's no way they could be counting it.
"Please be careful. You don't want Stacy's parents to come home and find you two drunk."
"Her parents won't be home for a few hours. We'll be careful.”
"Tell him to come over! He can take care of us!" Stacy yelled in the background.
I laughed hearing this, "It sounds like you might need someone to take care of you!"
"Tell him about next weekend!", Stacy said, coming closer to the phone.
“Oh! Stacy’s parents are gone next weekend and I’m staying over Saturday night. Maybe you could come over?”
“That sounds great! How could I turn down an invitation from you?”
I heard a car pull into the lot. It was Ken. He often came in on Saturdays to catch up.
“I have to go. Call me on Saturday and let me know what I can bring.”
Stacy must have overheard me, as I could hear her comment, “I know what he can bring”, followed by more laughter.
“Okay- talk to you then!” Cindy replied.
I talked briefly to Ken when he came upstairs. I don’t even know what he said; my mind was filled with thoughts of what might happen at Stacy’s. It was a week away, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to think straight between now and then.
I was concerned by the wild side of Cindy I had been seeing recently when she was with her friend Stacy. I loved this innocent little girl, and although I was taking advantage of her at every opportunity, I didn’t like seeing her acting like a wild college girl. I knew I was greatly contributing to her loss of innocence, and yet all I could think of was fucking her... fucking Stacy... Fucking Hypocrite.
.
———————-—— Saturday at last ———————-———
It was pretty quiet at the office that Saturday. I was alone, and although the phone rang a few times in the morning, it wasn’t until early afternoon that I heard Cindy’s voice when I picked up.
“You always sound so professional when you answer the phone at work. Whatcha doin?”
“Cindy! It’s so nice to hear your voice. I am bored to death.”
“Why don’t you come up to Stacy’s? We might be able to fix that boredom thing you got goin on”, she replied. I could hear Stacy laughing in the background.
“I’d love to. I still have some stuff I need to finish, but I’ll head over as soon as I’m done. Anything I need to bring?”
Cindy pulled the phone from her head and said to Stacy “He asked if there was anything he could bring over.” Stacy started laughing, then Cindy put her handover the phone so I couldn’t hear what they were saying.
She returned to the phone, “Just bring yourself. We have a pitcher of margaritas already. Stacy and I will just be laying here, in our new bikinis, by the pool, with nothing to do.”
I could hear Stacy in the background, “Tell him we want to model our new bikinis for him!”
Cindy laughed and added, “Just come up when you’re done with work.”
“Okay. It might be a couple of hours, but I’ll try to hurry... I can’t wait to see you.”
A few minutes after I hung up the phone rang again, but this time it was Ken telling me the project I was working on had to be put on hold. He couldn’t have timed it better. I was out of the door in minutes.
My heart was beating hard as I drove towards Stacy’s. My dick was getting hard too, in anticipation of just seeing these two in their bikinis, let alone thinking about what might happen. I thought about stopping home to grab some swim trunks, then thought it would be better to ‘forget’ them. I had picked up a pack of Trojan condoms, after throwing away the cheap rubbers I bought at the 7-11 that broke last time.
.
——— Listening In ———
I pulled in their drive and parked on the side. I realized they weren’t expecting me to be here so early, so I quietly let myself in through the side gate and went around to the back by the pool. I could hear them talking, and stopped short when I heard both of them shrieking.
“OH MY GOD! They are SO HOT!!”
Stacy squealed, “Jordan! He’s such a dream… what I would do with that boy…”
I finally realized they were talking about the new ‘boy band’, New Kids On The Block, playing on the radio. I didn’t like the bubblegum music, but young girls went crazy over them.
“Ha! I’m sure you would do whatever he wanted! If you only got the chance to let him!”
“I WOULD! I would deep-throat that dick like I did with Jeff. He wouldn’t expect THAT from this innocent little girl!”
“What? Stace! I thought that hurt you! You were almost crying!”
“No… It didn’t hurt… not really. I just never did that before and I was scared! It was actually pretty hot… ya know… that was really naughty! …and Jeff said it was the best blowjob he ever had!”
“Oh my God, Stace… you made me think I really hurt you!”
“No… I was just scared. I’m not scared anymore. Maybe Jeff would like another one tonight?”
…....this immediately triggered my dick
“What the hell, Stace! Jeff’s MY guy! I’m open to sharing, but you’ve been able to do stuff with him I can’t! He popped your cherry!”
“God! I hate that saying…”
“Well- it’s true, whatever ya wanna call it. He was supposed to make love with me… I’m so mad at my body. Tiny little tits, and a kitty so small I don’t think I’ll ever…” Cindy’s voice trailed off, and there was a bit of silence.
“I wanted to talk to our doctor about it, but I can’t think of a reason to tell him why I... ya know... why I want to be larger… especially at my age. And what if he told my parents? Oh my God.”
“Have you tried to... um... kinda... stretch it out? I mean... don’t you use your fingers down there?”
Cindy laughed, and sounded a little embarrassed when she finally answered, “well, yeah... but I only rub the top.”
Stacy didn’t sound embarrassed at all. “You never go inside? That’s like the best part! I’m pretty sure that’s actually how I ‘popped my cherry’, as you call it.”
“What- really? With your fingers?”
Stacy laughed, “Well, with actually with my hairbrush”
Cindy gasped and blurted back at her, “A HAIRBRUSH?!?! What the Hell?”
“No... not THAT part... the handle. Oh My God, Cin...”
“Oh... I guess that makes more sense.” Cindy giggled at her comment.
“I’m gonna grab more margaritas. Be right back.” I heard Stacy walk across the patio to the family room. I thought of walking in, but I wanted to hear more of their conversation. Also, the thought of Stacy masturbating with a hairbrush gave a major hard-on that would be hard to hide.
A few minutes later she walked back out. I could hear things being set down on the patio table, and glasses being refilled.
“Carrots? I thought you were getting chips.”
“Did you want chips? I can get chips if you’re hungry. The carrots aren’t for us to eat.”
There was a moment of silence, then Stacy started laughing. “The carrots are for practice!”
“Practice? What do you... STACE! Are you... oh my gosh...”
“I’m just here to help my bestie! Do you have a better idea?”
...... is she suggesting what I think?
There was a bit of silence, then I heard Cindy giggle. “Oh My God, Stace...these are all peeled... and...” her voice trailed off.
I knelt down and crept forward as quietly as possible to get a look. I was able to get below a shrub at the corner and see them.
“You’ve been PLANNING THIS! Stace… you little... oh my god... “
“What are friends for?” Stacy laughed and took a gulp of her drink. Then she handed Cindy her drink, “Here, I think you need a refresh.”
Cindy was shaking her head, but smiling. She grabbed the glass from Stacy and took a few big gulps from her margarita. They were both wearing tiny string bikinis, and were all oiled-up for the sun. Stacy was sitting on the near chaise with her back to me, and Cindy was sitting on the far chaise near the pool. She leaned forward and looked closer at the tray.
"Oh My God... these are all peeled, and all different sizes... Stace, you are definitely NOT a good influence." Stacy laughed again.
Cindy pushed the carrots around on the tray, "None of these are as big as Jeff... well, maybe that one... at the big end, maybe. Didn't that hurt? I mean... you said you played with your hairbrush, but..."
Stacy grabbed one of the carrots and held it up. It looked like a pretty large one. "Well, yeah... it did hurt a little at the beginning. But it felt good at the same time. The longer he worked that big thing into me, the better it felt. And after he really started pumping, and you were.. you were touching me and I was... you know... FUCK! ...it was fucking crazy! I have never felt like THAT before.” Stacy laughed again, "I think about it all the time... my hairbrush is all about worn-out now!"
Cindy laughed and shoved her friend, "Gawd! You are such a perv!"
I watched Stacy put down the large carrot and pick up a smaller one, about the size of her finger. She reached out with one hand to Cindy's knee, "Open your legs..."
"Jeeze Stace! Now? Right here? And that thing is all dry... it'll probably turn my kitty all orange!" Cindy was trying to look shocked, but she was laughing when she said it.
"No.. it's not gonna turn you orange. Here... watch." Stacy stood up, her back towards me, and pulled her little bikini bottoms down below her knees.
…….Jesus, she has a nice ass
Cindy stopped laughing and stared at Stacy's crotch. Stacy squatted down a little and spread her knees apart. I could see her one hand reach between her legs and spread her lips apart. She took the other hand and guided the small carrot up between her legs. Cindy just stared, mouth gaping open. I did the same, my dick hardening in my pants.
Stacy pulled the carrot out, "See? Nothing turned orange.. and it's not dry anymore", then she motioned for Cindy to move her legs apart. Cindy's knees fell open a little. She was still staring at Stacy's crotch.
...... I flashed back to our game of Truth Or Dare
Stacy pushed Cindy's knees further apart and reached down between her legs. Cindy just stared with her mouth open. From where I was I couldn't quite see, but I assumed Stacy was pulling her bikini to the side. Her other hand, the one with the carrot, disappeared between Cindy's legs. Stacy dropped her head closer to Cindy's crotch, and I heard Cindy gasp.
Stacy looked back up at Cindy, "There! Does that hurt?"
"Jesus, Stace... no... not yet. But it's still a little dry... be gentle."
Stacy pulled the carrot out and put it in her mouth, spit on it, and moved it back between Cindy's legs. She then moved her head down between Cindy's legs. I couldn't tell if she was just spitting on Cindy's pussy to add more lube, or was actually licking her, but Cindy looked like she was enjoying it. Stacy pulled her head back, and it looked like she was rubbing Cindy's pussy with her free hand. Cindy closed her eyes and laid back in the chaise.
"Is that okay? Any pain yet?"
"No... not... that feels good... I can't believe... you are…”
"Okay. Let's try the next one." Stacy pulled out the small carrot and grabbed a different one from the tray. She leaned back, spread her knees apart and guided the carrot down into her own pussy. Cindy raised her head and was closely watching her friend. Stacy pulled the carrot from her crotch and leaned forward again between Cindy's legs. This time Cindy willingly spread her knees further apart.
"How are you doin? Am I hurting you?"
"Doing okay... you are definitely NOT hurting me..." Cindy said then laid her head back again.
I was rock hard watching this and started rubbing my dick through my pants before I realized it. I looked down and there was already a large wet spot at the head. I was also getting really overheated in the heat in my long pants and shirt I wore to work. My momentary distraction was pulled back quickly when I heard Cindy; "I want to see you do that... with one of the larger ones."
Stacy pulled back from between Cindy's legs and grabbed one of the carrots from the tray and stood up. She handed the carrot to Cindy and shuffled over closer to her. Her bikini bottoms had dropped to her ankles and her little bubble butt was in clear view. She squatted a little and I could see she was spreading her pussy with both hands right in front of Cindy's face, "You do it"
Cindy looked shocked, but slowly held the carrot up closer to Stacy. "Go ahead... that's about the size of my hairbrush… I mean the HANDLE of my hairbrush!”
Cindy leaned forward and worked it into Stacy's spread pussy. "Yeah...that feels good. Start pushing it in and out..." Cindy looked up at her friend, then back at her crotch. I could see her arm moving back and forth and Stacy squatting down on it.
I couldn't handle it anymore... I had to get closer. I scooted back from the corner and stood up. I pulled off my shirt and tied it around my waist to hide my hard-on and the wet spot in my pants. Tip-toeing back to the gate, I opened and closed the gate rather loudly, and yelled, "Hello! Anybody home?"
I heard a shriek, and some scuffling sounds as I walked closer to the backyard. As I came around the corner Stacy was just pulling up her bikini bottoms. Cindy looked scared and surprised as hell as she faked a "Hi Jeff!"
"I didn't think you were going to be here for another hour or so!" Stacy stammered, and nervously reached for her drink.
"I finished a little early. I hope it was okay to come over."
"Of course! We were waiting for you!" Cindy said, trying to be calm. I could see she was breathing heavily and her chest was heaving from her excited state.
"Sorry for the way I'm dressed. It's hot as hell, and I didn't get a chance to change. A pitcher of margaritas? Can I grab a glass?"
Stacy pointed to the house, "Sure, the glasses are on the shelf in the bar."
I walked to the house and could hear them whispering and laughing when I went inside. I grabbed a glass and walked back outside. They were still whispering and both burst out laughing over something Cindy said.
I walked over and poured myself a margarita from the pitcher, and pulled a patio chair close to them and sat down. Taking a sip, I looked over at the platter of carrots, and reached out and picked up a smaller one that was obviously one that Stacy had been using on Cindy... it was shiny and wet. They both shot glances at each other and Stacy covered her mouth with her hands and gasped.
I raised the carrot to my mouth and took a bite. I ran the carrot under my nose and inhaled. "These are great! What's that glaze on them?", then I sucked the 'glaze' off the rest of the carrot. Cindy had been taking a sip from her drink, and spit it all over when I did this.
I feigned ignorance, "What? What did I do? What are you two up to..."
Stacy spit out, "Nothing! It's just that... that glaze is... I found it in my sister's bedroom. I think it might be hash oil?"
"Well it tastes really good. Do you mind?", and I picked up another 'wet' carrot. They giggled and looked at each other. Cindy was laughing, "Help yourself!"
I sucked off the glaze from the second carrot and ate it, then reached out for the one large one that had Cindy had been fucking Stacy with. The larger carrot was very wet on one end with a thicker ‘glaze’ that dripped down when I picked it up. I raised it up and hung it over my head so it dripped into my mouth, then licked it off.
Stacy's eyes went wide and she covered her mouth again and gasped, "Oh my god... I mean.. does it taste nasty?"
"Not at all. I really like it. Do you have anymore?"
They looked at each other and laughed again. Cindy said, "Maybe...",which made them laugh even harder.
"By the way you two are acting, I think that must be hash oil. How much have you had?"
Stacy popped off, "Not a lot... but the night is still young!" Cindy laughed at the comment and shoved her friend.
Stacy took a gulp from her drink and asked me, "Did you bring swim trunks?"
I shook my head, "No.. I came straight from work. Are my boxers okay? I mean they can't be any more revealing than those suits you two have on."
"You don't like our new bikinis?", Stacy said with a huff. “We took the bus out to the mall early this morning to buy these just for you.”
"On the contrary... you two look absolutely... I can't keep my eyes off of you. In fact, I really need to cool down." I stood up and pulled off my shoes. I turned away from them and untied my shirt, and dropped my pants, holding onto my boxers. My dick was about half-mast, but I don't think they could tell from behind me. I dove into the pool and swam around long enough for my erection to fade and crawled back up out of the pool.
Both girls stared at my boxers as I rose up out of the water. I no longer had an erection, but my dick was hanging large down my leg, and the wet material was thin enough to see everything clearly as my boxers clung to me. I walked over and grabbed a towel to dry off, then sat by them and sipped my drink.
Stacy lay back on her chaise and stretched out to show off her body, barely covered by her string bikini. Cindy was reclining beside her in an even tinier bikini. Looking at these two young girls, their bodies barely covered, all oiled up… and after listening to what they were saying; Stacy wanting to deepthroat me and Cindy wanting to fuck me; I couldn’t help it when my dick started to get hard.
.
————————— Poolside —————————
I tried to think of different things to calm my growing erection, but their petite bodies were right there, glistening in the sun.
Cindy finally broke my concentration, "I'm glad you got off work early. How long can you stay?"
"You have me as long as you want. I can't think of a better place to be than right here."
Stacy interrupted, "As long as we want? I think you're pretty long enough!", and laughed.
"Stop it Stace! Do you always have to be so... ugh!"
"That's okay... I'm a big boy... I can handle a little teasing."
Stacy started to respond, but glanced at Cindy and decided to let it go. She grabbed her sunglasses from the table and put them on. I could no longer tell what she was looking at through the dark lenses.
"Have you had any lunch? I could make you a sandwich if you'd like." Cindy was always so considerate.
"Thank you. Maybe in a bit... I shouldn't drink too much on an empty stomach. Those carrots were really good... do you mind?" Cindy just raised one eyebrow and smiled, then gestured for me to help myself.
My chair was on the pool side of Cindy, Stacy was lying down on the far chaise, the table holding the pitcher of margaritas and the platter of carrots in-between. I had to stand and bend over Cindy to reach the table, and when I did my dick nearly poked out the leg of my wet boxers. Stacy was looking my way, but her sunglasses blocked me from seeing if she noticed. Cindy must have, though, as she ran her hand up the back of my leg as I grabbed a couple of carrots. "I'm glad you forgot your swim trunks. I like those on you." She was staring right at my dick.
I sat back down and nibbled on one of the carrots. "These are really good, but they just don't taste the same without that glaze." They both giggled. After a bit of small talk, they both laid back to soak up the sun (and show off their nearly-naked bodies).
Stacy grabbed the baby oil and squirted some on her tummy. She ran her hands through it and started rubbing it on her arms, then her shoulders. She turned her head my way and I swear she was staring at the lump in my boxers as she worked her hand down from her shoulders to above her bikini top. I glanced over and Cindy was sunning with her eyes closed. I returned my gaze towards Stacy, and stared directly at her tits as she rubbed the oil closer to her top. She returned her hands to her tummy and rubbed the oil downwards to her panty line, then back up to her chest. She pulled the strings down off her shoulders to the sides, and folded the top of her bikini down until I could almost see the edges of her large areolas, and rubbed oil all over the upper parts of her little round breasts. The whole time she was staring my way; either at my eyes fixated on her partially exposed titties, or at the bulge down the leg of my wet boxers.
I flexed my cock and it jumped under the material. Stacy let out a small gasp and she stopped rubbing the oil for a moment. Cindy opened her eyes and glanced over at Stacy, and Stacy continued to apply the oil, then pulled her top back in place. Cindy looked over at me, but I had pulled the towel over my legs as though I was trying to dry myself off, and it covered the lump in my boxers.
After a moment, Stacy suddenly stood up, grabbed the empty pitcher and the tray of carrots, and walked towards the house, "It's refill time!"
I immediately felt guilty for flirting with Stacy right under the nose of Cindy. I couldn't help it, the way she was showing off the tops of her breasts, especially after what had happened before. I wondered if Stacy had the same feelings. My partial erection faded quickly.
"Would you like me to rub some baby oil on you?"
"I would absolutely love that," Cindy replied, and flashed a wide smile.
She was so beautiful. Her long platinum blonde hair was tied behind her head...she somehow looked more exotic like this, especially laying there in such a skimpy bikini. I wondered where the girls got these R-rated bikinis at the mall. Neither could wear them at a public pool, and Cindy’s was so tiny that an average girl would have to shave to avoid their pubic hair from showing. Cindy had no such problem though… her sparse bush was completely covered by the small triangle of fabric.
I poured some oil on Cindy’s tummy, and rubbed it all over her tight stomach and down to her bikini line. The thin straps from her bikini bottoms ran across her hipbones, suspending the fabric across her tummy, so I could see a bit under to the top of her little mound. The white material was so thin I could see the lines of her lips, forming a perfect little cameltoe. I ran my hands up her tummy and over her rib cage, up to her bikini top. Working my hands around her thin top, I could clearly see the color and shape of her budding nipples pushing up the fabric.
I continued rubbing oil over her arms, her thighs, her feet… it turned into a very sexual body massage. I was really getting into massaging her petite body when Stacy returned. She brought a full pitcher of margaritas and a refreshed platter of carrots. I was massaging Cindy’s feet and legs when Stacy set down the platter and refilled our glasses. “That looks like fun! I hope I can join in.”
“You’ll have to wait your turn,” Cindy replied, and turned over on the chaise so I could rub her back. As she turned she noticed the platter of carrots, and stopped short. She leaned closer to the table and gasped, “Oh my god, Stace…”
Stacy just smiled back at her and poured herself another margarita from the pitcher.
I looked closer at the platter. More carrots were added, and they all were wet with ‘glaze’.
I reached over Cindy to grab a carrot, “You found more hash oil?”
“You said you liked it, so I searched around and found some in her closet.” Cindy mumbled, “oh my god…” again under her breath, and stared at Stacy, then shook her head slightly and laid face-down on the chaise.
I raised a carrot up to my nose and inhaled.
…... that is definitely Stacy
I stared at Stacy as I sucked the carrot clean. Her lips parted slightly and she inhaled deeply as she watched me. I couldn’t tell if she realized I knew. I looked down at her crotch to see if there was any sign of wetness, but her legs covered it. I squeezed out some oil onto Cindy’s back and started rubbing it in, working it over her shoulders and down to the crack of her little bubble butt, which was partially showing above her micro bottoms. I slid a finger under her suit a little ways down between her cheeks. Cindy just giggled.
Stacy was watching the whole time, closely following my every move. When I poured oil on Cindy’s legs, Stacy sat up and turned to face us. I rubbed the oil down her legs and massaged her feet, then up her thighs, and worked on each leg with both hands.
Cindy spread her legs apart a little so I had better access to her upper thighs, and I had a better view as well. I noticed Stacy also opened her legs a little as she watched us, and I now had a good view between her thighs of her tiny red bikini bottoms. I blatantly stared right at her crotch. The center area was darker… definitely wet.
I worked the oil up around Cindy’s ass, and down between her legs. I was trying to not get aroused, but did I want to arouse Cindy with the massage. I thought it was working on Cindy, but Stacy was obviously enjoying it as well. She reached over and untied Cindy’s top, “You don’t want tan lines!”
Cindy flinched and opened her eyes, “Jeff!”
I just laughed realizing Cindy thought it was me who untied her. I started to massage her back, then motioned to Stacy to take over. I lifted one hand and she leaned forward and replaced it with one of hers. I lifted the other and Stacy replaced it as well. All was normal in Cindy’s mind until I started massaging her feet. Only a moment passed before Cindy jerked her eyes open and flipped her head the other way and saw her friend rubbing her back.
Stacy didn’t skip a beat, “I was getting bored… I thought I’d lend a hand.”
Cindy laughed, “okay… I guess I can’t complain,” and laid her head back down and closed her eyes.
Stacy was working Cindy’s lower back and running her hands up her sides. Cindy giggled when her hands ran up her ribs. I worked up her legs to her thighs, and motioned to Stacy to swap places.
So Cindy wouldn’t notice, Stacy and I swapped one hand at a time until I was rubbing Cindy’s back and Stacy was massaging her thighs. Stacy quickly started rubbing higher and deeper inside her thighs, until her hands were brushing against Cindy’s crotch. Thinking it was my fingers rubbing her, Cindy opened her legs a bit more, and arched her ass upwards so ‘I’ had better access.
I was trying to use a lighter touch on Cindy’s back so she wouldn’t recognize the swap. So far… so good.
Stacy pulled her hands back, and with one move untied both sides of Cindy’s bikini bottoms. Cindy didn’t react until Stacy pulled the material down and poured baby oil all over Cindy’s exposed butt.
Cindy gasped and opened her eyes, “Jeff!”
Stacy started rubbing the oil all over Cindy’s ass, and laughed, “It wasn’t Jeff, girlfriend!”
Cindy raised up enough to turn her head around and see Stacy’s hands on her ass, “Really? Oh my god, Stace…”, then turned her head to the other side to look at me. I just smiled and continued to massage her back. She laid her head back down, but her eyes were still open. Her face told me she was a bit nervous.
Stacy was not… not nervous in the least. She was rubbing the oil all over Cindy’s ass, and down deep between her thighs. After little more massaging, it seemed that Cindy was slowly getting more comfortable with the situation. I was watching her expression, and her legs and ass, to tell if she was enjoying herself or was about to bolt. She was now smiling, and she opened up her legs a little more when Stacy was rubbing between her thighs.
I had dropped my towel long ago and when I looked down my dick was pretty erect, down the right leg of my boxers. It was lifting up the material to the point I think Stacy could see the head poking out. But her eyes were on Cindy’s ass as she massaged it.
.....I stared at Stacy’s body in the tiny bikini. Although still a young girl, she was more developed than Cindy, with curves and hips, and nice round titties growing under that tiny top. My memory of her large nipples and areolas was vivid, and I wanted to see them out in the open… in the sun. I wanted to feel her pussy again… I needed to suck her fleshy labia and taste her… I had to push my cock into that tight little pussy of hers… inch by inch…
“You don’t want tan lines!”, I said and reached over and pulled Stacy’s straps down off her shoulders. Stacy just laughed, and reached up and untied the bow in the center and pulled off her top.
Seeing those round little titties with the huge nipples, sitting so high and firm on her chest, made me appreciate her even more than just the moment before. I had never fantasized over large areolas like hers before, but now I had to suck on them. They somehow made her look more ‘naked’ than the typical boobs I saw in porn mags, especially on such a young girl (which I never saw in any porn mags).
I realized I was getting distracted and turned my attention back to Cindy. She seemed to be enjoying the attention; she was much more relaxed and still had a smile on her face. Her eyes were closed and I wondered if she could tell whose hands were rubbing on her. I moved my hands down her back to the top of her ass, and slid my fingers down between her cheeks. Stacy was still rubbing between her thighs, up close to her crotch.
....… I was pretty sure Stacy would take the bait if I just created an opportunity
I rolled up a towel, grabbed Cindy’s hips and lifted her up, and slid the towel under her. When I let her back down, her back arched up so her little pink ass and pussy were more open and facing upwards. I looked over at Stacy and she was obviously enjoying seeing her friend so exposed. Her sunglasses were still blocking her eyes so I pulled them off her head. She barely reacted, her eyes still locked on Cindy’s pussy and ass. She finally started her massage again, this time up higher between Cindy’s thighs; the sides of her palms rubbing against her pussy.
The bright sun illuminated Cindy’s crotch so well… we could see everything in detail. The oil glistened on her sparse pubic hair on either side of her lips. I took both hands and spread her ass apart, and her tiny pussy popped open. A bead of lube strung across her tiny hole, which looked just a little larger than the last time I saw it. Stacy leaned forward to look more closely at her friend. She grabbed a bottle from a bag next to her and squirted a bunch of oil right down between Cindy’s cheeks.
“I don’t think baby oil is the safest thing for that.”
Stacy just held the bottle up for me to see. The label said ‘Personal Lubricant’. “I got this from my mom’s side table”, she said, giggling, “She keeps all sorts of sex toys in there and doesn’t expect her innocent little girl would ever go snooping around.”
.....Cindy was still smiling… eyes closed. I wondered if they had played with any of those toys
Stacy then slid her hands down the crack of Cindy’s butt. I spread Cindy’s ass wider to give her better access, and Stacy immediately slid her middle finger down over her ass, into her pussy.
Cindy gave a short gasp, but arched her ass upwards a little and moaned quietly in approval.
.......the view of Stacy staring at Cindy like that, mouth agape, little round titties exposed, with her finger in Cindy’s pussy, was one of the most erotic images I had ever seen
Still holding her cheeks open, I crawled up on the chaise and knelt down between Cindy’s legs. Scooting up closer I noticed Stacy had redirected her gaze from Cindy to my boxers, which had inched up my legs. My cock was sticking out the right leg, fully erect. Still fingering Cindy’s pussy with her right hand, Stacy reached out and grabbed the head of my cock with her left. She pushed her hand up the shaft, further pulling back the leg of my boxers, then squeezed hard and pulled back to the head, milking a large amount of pre-cum out onto her fingers. She then pulled her hand up to her mouth, and while looking straight at me, she licked the lube off her fingers. She then ran her tongue over her lips, and flirtatiously batted her eyes.
…...Dammit, I need to fuck this little girl
I pulled my right hand from Cindy’s ass and reached out to Stacy’s crotch, and pushed my fingers down the front of her bikini bottoms. As I expected, her pussy was drenched; a thick flood of lube covered my fingers. I pulled my hand from her crotch and grabbed her little breasts, pinching her nipples and covering her with her own juices.
I reached around her back and pulled her towards me and sucked her left nipple, and sucked her lube clean from her breast. She grasped the breast I had been sucking and pinched her nipple and pulled hard on it. Then she picked the other nipple and pulled hard… she looked at me with wide eyes as though to say, ‘pinch and pull on my nipples’
I realized I was distracted and was ignoring Cindy… I put my hands on her ass again and spread her cheeks apart. I could see from the side of her face she was still smiling, and looked completely relaxed. Stacy pulled her finger from Cindy and grabbed my dick. She was still pulling on her nipples with her other hand. Cindy’s pink little pussy was lit up in the sun, wet with the lube Stacy had poured down the crack of her ass. Her tiny butthole was exposed and glistening as well, and I couldn’t help but stuff my face into her. My nose pressed against her ass and I thrust my tongue into her little pussy as far as I could, and pulled back to see her little pink gape. Tiny… but larger than before.
I pulled my right hand from her ass and slid my index finger into her little pussy. Not nearly as tight as before, but still smaller than any other girl I had been with. Cindy arched up against my probing finger… I needed another hand to spread her open. I grabbed Stacy’s hand from her breast and placed it on Cindy’s right cheek, and pulled it to the side. Stacy looked at me and then back down to Cindy’s ass, and smiled mischievously.
I pushed my finger back into Cindy, and worked a second one slowly into her. She moaned a little, in a positive way, so I rocked them back and forth into her until I met resistance.
Cindy’s little pink ass was relaxed and wet, and was too exposed to ignore… and I wanted to see Stacy’s reaction to what I was about to do. I held her left cheek as Stacy pulled on her right, and I leaned forward and licked her little pink asshole, top to bottom, and around the rim. Her ass contracted at first, then relaxed. Still working my fingers into her pussy, I checked again to see her smiling… and went back down and licked around her ass. Once I felt it relax again I pushed the flat of my tongue against the opening, and it opened a little more. I could feel the smoother center against my tongue, and pushed the tip of my tongue inside. Her tight little ring constricted, then relaxed again as I slid my tongue further inside her. She was always so clean… with only the taste of the strawberry-flavored lube as I pushed my tongue in and out of her ass. I finally stuck my tongue as far in as I could, then moved my head in and out… fucking her ass with my tongue. Her ass dilated more and more each time my tongue slid inside her. When I finally pulled my head back her little asshole stayed dilated, gaping open. You could see deep down inside her in the bright sun... nothing but pink.
Stacy leaned in closer and gasped, her eyes wide as she stared down inside her friend's asshole, “Oh my God… Cin… your ass… I never…” She pulled her hand from my cock and covered her mouth and looked at me. “I thought that would be all...all poopy and nasty! It’s all… clean and…”
Stacy pulled harder on Cindy’s ass to spread it wider apart, and pulled her other hand from my cock. She stuck her index finger in her mouth to lube it up, then slid it directly into Cindy’s open ass.
“God… that feels… Oh, Jeeze… that is so bizarre,” Stacy said and slid her finger in and out of Cindy’s ass. “That's really fucking hot!” Cindy giggled, and when she did I could feel her pussy squeeze down on my fingers. Stacy gasped as Cindy’s ass did the same, which made Cindy laugh out loud. Another squeeze, another gasp.
Stacy suddenly pulled her finger out and stood up between the chaise lounges, and pulled her bikini bottoms off. She knelt down on her chaise with her ass up in the air, and pulling a towel up under her head for a pillow, reached back with both hands and spread her ass, “Jeff! Do that to me!”
....Chloe often complained about constipation, and mentioned that her little sister had it worse than she did. I figured that was why Cindy was always so clean. I looked at Stacy, spreading her ass like that, and thought I could stick my finger, or my dick in there, but I would have to be a bit more drunk before I stuck my tongue in her ass
I reached over and grabbed Stacy’s ass, my index finger landing on her butthole, my other fingers on her fleshy pussy, as wet as ever. Cindy turned her head to look at Stacy and I noticed she was no longer smiling.
“Let’s go inside. I’m sure we can find a more comfortable place to play,” I said, and bent down and kissed Cindy on her right cheek.
.
————————— Moving Indoors —————————
I stood up and helped Cindy up from her chaise. Stacy looked a little disappointed as she got up, but smiled when she looked down at my boxers. My erection was at full mast, sticking out the right leg of my boxers. She reached out and grabbed it and roughly pulled me in the direction of the house. Cindy grabbed the towels and her discarded bikini, and followed us inside. Stacy stopped short, let go of my cock, and ran back out to get the (almost empty) pitcher of margaritas. She walked back in and immediately went behind the bar and started making more. I went back out and retrieved our glasses.
“Need some cooling down?”, I said and set the glasses down on the bar. “Maybe…it was getting pretty hot out there,” Stacy replied, and looked down again at my erection sticking out the leg of my boxers.
Cindy walked up close behind me, wrapping her hands around my waist and reaching down to feel my dick. “Hey you… I’ve got plans for you”, and started stroking my cock as she pressed her little breasts against my body. I could feel her pointy nipples poking me in the back, as I stared at Stacy’s round little boobs and large nipples. Stacy filled all three glasses and immediately drank a third of hers before we touched either of ours.
“Stacy, you said your mom had some sex toys in her side table?”
“Yeah, she has a whole drawer of stuff. I don’t even know what some of them are for,” she replied and looked to the ceiling.
“Have you tried any of them out? Anything fun?”
Stacy giggled and looked to the floor, then took another big gulp of her drink. She didn’t answer, only drank more of her margarita.
“Why don’t you grab a toy or two from her collection and show us?”
Stacy looked at me and covered her mouth, slightly embarrassed, then giggled some more. She took another gulp of her margarita, then ran out of the room and up the stairs.
I turned to Cindy and kissed her. “Now, what plans do you have for me?”
“Well, we’ve been practice… I mean I’ve been practicing a little, and I think we should try again,” and she ran her hand down the length of my cock and under my balls.
“Practicing? Like, with other boys?”
Cindy laughed, “No… no other boys. I want you to take my virginity. I mean… if you still want to.”
“Cindy, of course I want to. You are absolutely beautiful and you are on my mind constantly. I think you are the sexiest girl alive.”
I held the back of her head with my left hand and kissed her. She sucked on my tongue and slid hers deeply into my mouth. Her deep kisses were kinda strange, but the feeling of her tongue probing in my mouth was hot as hell. I slid my right hand down her tummy and between her legs… my middle finger sliding into her tiny little pussy. She started fucking my mouth with her tongue in rhythm with my finger sliding in and out of her pussy.
I pulled my finger out, added my index finger, and pushed both inside her. I felt Cindy’s body twitch, but she just pushed against me and fucked my mouth harder with her tongue.
I heard Stacy running back down the stairs. She came bounding back into the room, purposely making her little titties bounce with each step, with a couple of things in her hands, “Hey! You two are having too much fun without me!”, and set the toys down on the bar and refilled her drink.
She walked over to us with her drink in hand, “I made this batch of margaritas a little stronger. Wanna taste?”, and poured a bit of her drink over her breasts. Her nipples instantly hardened from the icy drink, and watching her do this, my dick jumped a little.
I looked over at Cindy, and she just smiled and nodded ‘go ahead’.
I bent down and licked off the spilled margarita, and sucked on her nipples. I have to admit, Stacy’s unusual nipples were getting more and more erotic the more I saw them.. the more I felt them. I didn’t want Cindy to feel left out, so I took a sip from Stacy’s margarita and sucked on Cindy’s little puffy buds, holding the cold liquid against her skin. She let out a small shriek.
I grabbed Cindy by the waist and picked her up off her feet, “Both of you have had your turns at calling the shots. I think it’s my turn now.”
I carried Cindy over and set her down on the couch, lifted her legs, and pulled her butt to the edge of the cushion. I felt a tugging on the back of my underwear, and turned around to see Stacy pulling them off of me. She slid them down off my ass, and pulled at them to get them over my erection... as she worked the waistband over my cock, it sprang up throwing a line of precum onto the cushion just below Cindy’s ass.
.......I think there is going to be a lot more mess on this couch before the night is over
Next: Part 9 - Cindy’s Deflowering |
Title: 80's child
Tags: True Story, First Time, Teen Male/Teen Female
Introduction:
Luck pulls through for Led, a guy who had all but given up.
Content:
Hazelwood High School, just like any other school, had it's halls filled with jerkoffs who loved to pretend to dominate themselves over other guys to make themselves feel special. Also, just like every other public high school in the U.S., it was chock full of pretty young women. Unfortunately for me, I was only involved with the jerkoffs, and I was always on the receiving end of their "popularity contest."
The reason? Who knows? Maybe it had something to do with the impression I made on those who didn't know me. At 5'11" with black hair, I was the kind of guy who would blend in when walking through a crowd. I always had an 80's band shirt on, cargo pants or jeans, and my Element skateboarding shoes. I was just along for the ride, and didn’t really care about the stupid fetishes of high school jocks that think they needed more attention. And after 3 years of high school without a girlfriend, or so much as a look-over-her-shoulder, I had all but given up.
I mean, it wasn't a big priority. High school was demanding, not to mention my AP classes, and I had some time after homework and studying. This time was used for skateboarding.
I don't know. Maybe chicks don't dig skater-boys. Who cares?
I did have my eye on one pretty young lady, though. Her name was Courtney, and at 18 years old, she was the perfect girl on the outside. Of course, other than knowing that she had straight dark-brown hair and a very nice ass, I knew next to nothing about her.
That was about to change, however.
I have no idea what prompted her to speak to me, but it happened, and I’m not complaining.
It was Friday, end of the week, and at exactly 3:00 PM, the bell rang, and there was the usual flurry of activity to and from the lockers. I was looking forward to learning this new trick on my board. I slung by backpack over my shoulder, and I was about to take off when I heard someone call my name. Someone who’s voice I didn’t recognize.
“Led!”
Yeah, okay, maybe my name has something to do with why I’m at the bottom of the food chain here. That combined with my jet-black hair that’s always in my eyes makes it LOOK like I’m in the 80s.
So I turned around, my Almost board under my arm, and Def Leppard shirt on my back. Inwardly, I was astounded at seeing Courtney Tyler walking down the sidewalk towards me. Outside, I was neutral.
I must say, the first thing that came out of my mouth wasn’t the most tactful thing to say.
“How’d you know my name?”
She stopped in front of me, and giggled.
“I’ve known your name for a while, after all, we do go to the same school, right?”
I shrugged, said I guess so. She tossed her hair and continued.
“Anyways, I’m having a party tonight at my place, my parents are out of town until Sunday. Do you think you could come?”
My astonishment made my brain go numb. My mouth moved of it’s own accord.
“I guess so, what’s gonna be goin’ down over there?”
“Well, we will be cutting the grass while we’re there…I hope you don’t mind.”
I got the picture. Cutting the Grass is a popular term for smoking weed.
“I’m there.” No hesitation at all.
Her perfect smile again.
“Great! It’s the first house on the right on Lexington Blvd. Be there no earlier than 8, ok?”
I agreed, and cracked a half-smile that I hoped didn’t look goofy. She smiled wider and did that little wave that chicks do, and walked towards the student parking lot. I just stood there, staring after her, and wondering where my luck came from.
I broke out of my haze, and jumped on my board, rolling towards town, thinking that the next 4 1/2 hours will be very long.
4 hours and 25 minutes later, I threw my board in the back of my car, and rolled out my driveway.
I was very pleased with myself; having landed not only a nollie 3flip, but I also accidentally landed a laser flip, and got it on camera. So, after a shower, a shave, and brushing my teeth, I was off, about to get high.
I pulled into the public parking lot at one end of Lexington Blvd., and locked my car. I was jittery all the way up to Courtney’s door, looking around a lot and smoothing my Aerosmith shirt. I walked through the parked cars, and up the three-stair to her door, and rang the bell.
It didn’t take her that long to answer, and when she did, I could tell without looking that the party had already started.
She looked and smelled beautiful, smelling like pot smoke, and I told her so. She thanked me, and gestured me in. There wasn’t too many people there, just another 5 or 6 kids, but I was cool with all of them. I smiled to myself, and thought: and the luck just keeps on rising.
Next thing I knew, I had a Mountain Dew in my right hand, and a J in the left, and my left arm was around Courtney’s shoulders, laughing about something I couldn’t remember. A box of pizza lay open on the table in front of me, and my best friend Cody sat on my right, gesturing for me to pass the joint. I snickered, and hit it before passing. I swigged my Dew, and looked over at Courtney, who was looking back with a smile on her face. I felt sober all of a sudden, as if I was suddenly purged of all inebriation.
I told her that I never noticed how deep blue her eyes were. How the sun caught her hair when I watched her walking to her car after school. I said many things and after a pause, everything came back, and I realized how lame I sounded. I broke into a laughing fit, which Cody joined in, not knowing what he was laughing at.
The next time I looked at Courtney, She nodded towards the next room, the kitchen. I looked that way, and looked back, but she had already gotten up, setting down her drink. I drained my own drink, and told Cody to hold the can, which made him break down in giggles as I followed that beautiful girl into the kitchen.
She turned the corner into the room, and as I followed, she put her arms around me, and placed her lips against mine. If I was surprised, I can’t remember, all I remember is the warmth of her body pressing against mine. Suddenly, she broke the kiss, and grabbed my hand, leading me towards the stairs. I followed, my hazy mind trying to figure out where all my luck was coming from.
We turned into the first room on the left, and she resumed the kiss, but used her hands to fiddle with my fly, trying to get it open. I broke away, and did it myself, my jeans falling to the carpet. As I was pulling my shirt over my head, Courtney was pulling off her own clothes as well.
I pushed her back onto the bed before she could get her panties off, and crawled on top of her, my legs on either side of her. I kissed her gently as I slowly pulled the lace underwear off her beautiful pussy, and caressed her thighs. She shivered in my hands, breathing though her nose as I moved slowly towards her pussy mound, agonizingly slow.
I slipped my fingers in between her lips, only to find them soaking wet already. I decided to skip the foreplay, and move on.
I guided my 7-inch dick towards her, and slid its head down between the lips from the top, brushing her stiff clitoris on the way down.
She gasped and tensed, raising her head to look down at what I was doing. I pushed in slowly, my cock entering he warm body as if it was meant to stay there. She groaned, and closed her eyes, opening her legs to allow me entrance. I pushed farther, her soaking wet pussy easily accepting my rod.
I felt resistance with two inches left to go, so, I drew out, eliciting another groan from her, and shoved it back in. She gasped in surprise, and moved away from my body. It was an involuntary reaction, because she kept whispering, “Don’t stop, don’t stop…”
So I didn’t.
I kept pushing in and out of her, and soon her breaths and hip movements matched my thrusts, her firm breasts bouncing in rhythm.
After a little bit, I increased my thrusts, and felt a burning sensation in my lower back. I pulled out, and Courtney just lay there, breathing hard, and when she raised her head to ask what I was doing, I rammed back in, making her take all seven inches of my rock-hard dick. She screamed, but choked it off, her body spasming, her back arched.
I thrusted again and again, harder and harder until that sensation came back, and I began to cum. Courtney began pushing against my body whenever I pushed into her, and she grunted every time. I hissed through my teeth, and shoved my dick in as far as it would go, cum spasming out of me into her, and my dick pulsing within her body. Courtney must have felt this, because she suddenly screamed again, and arched her back, her hands gripping at the comforter.
Her pussy seemed to close around my dick, tightening, making my own orgasm that much more enjoyable. As my orgasm faded, I felt resistance against my softening cock. I pulled out, and pussy-juice sprayed everywhere. Courtney spasmed again, not making a sound. She was in so much pleasure that she was beyond words.
Soon, it passed, and she began to breathe again. I crawled over her, and pressed my lips against hers, exchanging one last meaningful kiss. Her arms wrapped around her back, and her legs around mine. When we parted, she opened her eyes and said, “Thank you.”
I smiled, and replied.
“No, Courtney. Thank you.”
It was the best night of my life. So far.
Impressions? Constructive Criticism? |
Title: 80's Family Portrait
Tags: Diary
Introduction:
My name is James, and I live with my father Mark, mother Jillian, and sister Jennifer
Content:
It's the summer 1984 in Decatur, Illinois where I've lived my whole life. My house is in the suburbs, and I live with my father Mark, mother Jillian, and sister Jennifer. Jen and I are both seniors, and were both born in the same month, May. We're very close despite going to separate schools, with her going to an all girls school and me going to the county high school. Since I can't drive yet, Jen usually drops me off on the way to her school. My parents married each other very young, when my mother was 18 and my father was 22, yet seem to be happy. My father is publisher for the newspaper and my mother works from home. My mom is a well endowed woman who looks remarkably great for her age. She has thick brown curly hair which she keeps up un a bun at the top of her head, and bright blue eyes.
I wake up early on the last day of school, my father is out of town, and my sister is sleeping in her room. I walk out into the kitchen, where I see something I certainly did not expect. My mother is on her hands and knees, with her ass in the air, scrubbing the kitchen floor while completely nude except for her light blue apron & yellow cleaning gloves. As she scrubs the floor, her ass rhythmically jiggles, giving glimpses of her pussy and asshole. She quickly stands up and turns to face me when she senses my presence. "Sweetie! Why are you u-up so early?" She says frantically while trying to cover her side-boob peaking out from her apron. "I... don't know mom I just... woke up a bit early -- I swear I didn't see anything." She looks down towards my crotch. "Sweetie, I... think your hormones are saying something different." I see the tent shape in my knit pajama pants that she's referring to, and quickly try to obscure it with my hands. "Mom, I'm sorry I can't help it I-" I look up from my pants to see my mother grinning. "Mom, I..." She just laughs. "You're so cute when you're lying sweetie, I'm very flattered that you're sexually attracted to me. To be honest, I'm very attracted to you too." "Mom, I had no idea, really?" She just puts her finger to her lips, and motions me over to her. I get close to her, seizing the moment to reach around and place either hand on her ass cheeks. They're warm to the touch and are pliable under my gripping fingers. She runs her hand over my crotch, and takes hold of my cock under my bottoms. "Let mommy take care of this." She whispers breathily into my ear, her breath very warm to my skin." She plunges her hand beneath the elastic waist band of my pajama pants, grabbing my cock with her gloved hands, then pulls them down to my knees by the waistband. "Let's get you up on the counter so I can take care of you." She says before placing a peck on my lips. I hoist myself up on the edge of the counter top and kick off my pants, still around my ankles. My mother places her sudsy gloved hands around my cock, the sound of bubbles popping as she constricts my shaft. As she pumps my dick with one hand, she uses the other to pull her apron off. It falls to the tile below, revealing her large motherly breasts. While hanging a bit, they are not flat. They still perk up from her chest at the nipple. They seem to be at least 32DD. "That oughta help you, sweetie." She says through a huge smile that appears across her face. She giggles sweetly. "Does my sweet boy like mommy's breasts?" I rest my head back against the cupboard. "Yes mom, oh god yes I do." She pumps faster and faster, then suddenly pulls her hand away. My cock throbs and bobs up and down. "How bout you lay yourself down on the floor and let me get on top of you." I nod and lay on the floor. The cold tile sends goosebumps all over me. My mother places on foot on either side of my hips and looks down at me. She towers above me, her huge breasts bobbing as she giggles. I just look up silently, my mouth agape. "It's time for mommy to ride your cock." She slowly squats down, her full, downy bush hanging past her pussy lips. She takes my cock in her hand and guides it to her pussy, then rubs the head tenderly against her lips and bush before finally slipping it inside. A wave of warmth flies through me as she sinks down all the way until her crotch meets mine, her pussy fully engulfing my cock. "Oh... oh god baby, it feels s-so good." She manages to get out, sounding like she's out of breathe. She sets her hands firmly against my chest and rises her ass up until my cock almost slips out, then sinks down onto it faster than before. She picks up tempo as she bounces on my cock, and the sound her her ass slapping against my thighs grows louder and louder until-- "Oh my god mom, I'm about to cum." I tell her urgently. She only presses her hands down tighter on my chest and pushes all the way down on my cock. "I want you to cum inside of me baby, let it all out inside of mommy." Following her wishes, I let loose. I spurt my cum inside of her, and feel her fill up with my cock still inside of her. She throws her head back and lets out a loud moan before calming her breathing and tenderly caressing my cheek. "You made me feel so good baby, thank you for filling me up." "Mom, you have no clue how good that felt." I tell her as I stand up, and gather my clothes off the ground. She stands straight up, my cum leaking out and running down her inner thigh. "Baby, I'm gonna get cleaned up... We can go again tonight, no?" "Of course mom, I'd love to." "Good." She smiles and retreats back to her room, and I get ready for my last day of school.
I step off the bus onto my lawn. I notice my sister's car missing from the curb, she must be with friends. I step into my living room. "Hey mom." I say to my mother, who is currently on the floor on her yoga mat. She is adorned with her usual pink leotard, the one she wears when working out, but is without her leggings, leaving her bare legs exposed and giving me a peek of her bush peeking out of the sides. A matching pink headband holds up her curly brown hair in a beehive fashion. "Hey sweetie, how was your day?" She asks, sitting up from her stretching position. "It was alright I guess." I tell her as I head back to my room." "You guess?" She asks. "Well," I say loudly from my room as I drop my bookbag on my bed. "Mr. McClure gave us a surprise end of the year quiz and gave us no time to study." "Oh, sounds tough." She says in an almost joking manner. "Yeah well I'm lucky I already had an A in his cla--" I step back into the living room and almost stop dead in my tracks from what I see. My mother is now bent over her yoga ball, facing away from me, her barely covered ass up in the air. She looks back at me and smirks. "Well, after such a long day my baby needs some relaxation, huh?" She winks at me. "Why don't you come here and help mommy stretch out?" "Yeah uh-- sure thing mom." I walk slowly towards her, my eyes fixated on and unable to look away from her tight ass, which engulfs the leotard strap. "Just push your hands down on my back sweetie." I press down hard with my palms onto her spine, she puts her hands to the rug, and brings her ass up until she's in a downward dog position on the yoga ball. Her ass presses up against my crotch as she does this and I instantaneously feel my dick starting to harden under my jeans. After holding this position for a few minutes, she instructs me to lift up her leg and rotate it around. I place one hand at her kneecap and the other on the back of her thigh and lift up. I being to spin it clockwise, every motion giving a glimpse of her rosy pussy lips as the crotch piece of the leotard is pulled to the side. I switch to her left leg and do the same, getting harder and harder every time I catch a fleeting glimpse of her pink pussy and dark brown, thick bush. After I finish the technique, she sits up on the ball, lunging forward and almost running her face directly into my crotch. Instead, her face stops near inches from my throbbing erection, her eyes meeting it's level. She sits in shock for a moment before a smile appears across her face. "That must've been torture for your cock in there sweetie, how about we..." She pulls down my pants and takes my cock in her hand. "...take care of this!" She lays back on the ball, her back arched across it. Her head hands off the side and her arms are reaching out above her head. She pulls her hairband off, allowing her curly hair to cascade to the shag carpet below. Her feet are pushed up against the sofa and her legs are spread eagle.
Today is May 19th, my birthday. Mom has been dropping hints about my "special surprise" all week. She showed me bag from 'Victoria's Secret', but wouldn't tell me what was in it. Yesterday she told me she's gonna "try something she's never done", whatever that could mean. I awoke to a hand lightly stroking my leg. I open my eyes. My mom is sitting on the edge of my bed in her lavender bathrobe. I tiredly say; "Good morning mom, what's' up." "Oh nothing sweetie, I just came to wake up the birthday boy and find something interesting..." She looks towards my crotch. I sit up in my bed and peer down at my tent-pole protrusion in my sheets. "Oh hehe, yeah I guess I had some interesting dreams last night." "Oh is that so sweetie? Could they have been about me and what my special surprise could be?" I smile and lean back with my hands behind my head. "It's a possibility, I don't remember them. I tell her. "Well that's a shame, they must've been pretty arousing, huh? She says, moving her pointer finger in a circle above my erection. "Lets see what we're working with here." She says as she ever so slowly and seductively pulls the covers away to reveal my hardon. She makes a exaggerated fake-shocked expression. "Must've been some dream..." She takes a hold of my cock in her right hand, lays on her side across my legs, and rests her head in her left hand. She slowly strokes my cock and while staring lovingly into my eyes. "Can't believe how fast you're growing up." She says. "I'll always be your boy, mom. Don't worry." "Oh, I know baby, you're so sweet." I just smile and look deep into her eyes, as her hand pumps away, growing in speed. "Mom, you're making me feel so good." I close my eyes and relax my head. "Oh mommy." I moan. "I'm gonna cum." She tightens her grip ten fold, practically squeezing my cock head to base. "Let it all out sweetie." The first spurt of cum shoots out into the air, then falls, covering her hand. She strokes harder and faster, and I buck my hips up as I shoot four more loads all over her hand. She finally lets go and raises her splayed hand in the air, holding it in the light and marveling at it. "You came so much for mommy, I'm so proud of you baby." She reaches over to my nightstand and pulls out a few tissues from my box and uses them to wipe off my cock and her hand. She stands up then leans over and kisses me on the forehead. "I've got to go run errands, but I'll be back soon." "Alright, bye mom, love you." "Love you too sweetie." She slinks out of the room and carefully closes the door. Since there's nothing else to do, I decide to fall back asleep.
The sound of the living-room phone ringing wakes me. I groggily shuffle to the phone and answer. It's my dad wishing me a happy birthday. He tells me all about New York, then has to go to a conference and we hang up. I make breakfast and relax on the couch. What could that surprise be? I ponder. I mean, what could be better than a morning-wood handjob? Plenty of things, now that I think about it. But gosh, my mom is an experienced woman, what could she possibly have not done before? I decide the only way to find out is to snoop around, I am home alone after all. I walk through the quiet house to the master bedroom. The shades make it nice and dark, its cool due to the whirring ceiling fan. The musty red velvet carpet is soft under my feet. I slide open the closet door. My mother's shoes take up most of the closet floor, but there is a space in the corner where the Victoria's Secret bag sits. I reach for it and contemplate opening it. I stop hand, thinking that it would be better to be surprised. Something else does catch my eye, however. A small red felt box with a golden hinge on the front. Inside is a small, silver, metal cone with a rounded top. Connected to it by a short neck is a flat round piece of metal topped with a plastic jewel. After inspecting it for a moment, I remember seeing something similar in a porn flick my friend lent me. In the porn, a girl pulled something similar to the thing I found out of her asshole, then got fucked in the ass. Then it all came together. Is mom gonna let me put it in her butt? I mean, that'd be really hot, but would she let me? Content to wait and see, I close the box and shut the closet behind me. What am I gonna do in the meantime though? i think to myself. The clock on the wall reads 1:00 P.M. I lay down in my parents' bed and sink down into their thick duvet cover. I reach over to the dresser beside the bed and pull out my mom's white lace panties. I pull out my already erect dick, wrap the panties around the shaft, and start to jerk off. A few minutes later I feel myself getting close to cumming. I pull the panties over the head of my cock and unload into them. I deeply sigh and relax my head back into her soft pillow. I feel myself begin to doze off... I am again woken up by the phone ringing. I toss my mom's panties in the hamper, pull up my pants, and walk out into the hallway. I check my watch, it's three o'clock. This time, it's my sister on the phone. She tells me to tell me mom that she's sleeping over at her friend Maggie's house, then wishes me a happy birthday. As I hang up, my mom gets home. "Hey mom." "Hey birthday boy, did you have a nice day at home?" "It was kind of boring, but also pretty relaxing I guess." I tell her. "Oh, well it won't be boring soon sweetie. I can tell you that." She says. She winks at me. "Do me a favor and get the groceries from the car, and I'll start dinner... then we'll get to the surprise." "Sure thing, mom." |
Title: 810 more jokes
Tags: Sex Joke
Introduction:
have some fun
Content:
Not all SEX-jokes, but there is no category for "normal (ie NON sex) jokes so ...
(I think they are all numbered properly with lines between each one, but sorry if there are a couple of mistakes)
1 The Finest Natural Pun I've Ever Seen
2 Phallic Symbol
3 Hockey Fanatics
4 Dumb Quotes
5 Saving A Life Redneck Style
6 The Last Rocker Joke
7 The Therapist
8 No Pets Allowed
9 Wonder Pills
10 The Lion Tamer
11 Miller Time
12 Chat Room
13 Lost
14 Memories
15 Reward
16 Newlyweds-1
17 Newlyweds-2
18 Three Women On An Island
19 Which Bus?
20 Diet
21 How many...?
22 Two Little Boys
23 Whole-Wheat Bread
24 Hunting Accident
25 Torn Ligaments
26 The Psychic Hotline
27 The Little Hero
28 Wilt The Stilt
29 Baseball In Heaven
30 Old Wisdom
31 Take Me Out To Ball Game
32 Mikes Mess Up
33 In the Dog House
34 A Liberal and a Conservative
35 Time for Tyson
36 Only One Kiss
37 Hitch-hiker
38 Rosebuds
39 You Idiot!
40 Barber Shop
41 Strange
42 Football Wedding
43 First Half Injury
44 Attitude Toward Whiskey
45 Two Cows
46 Three Theatre Tickets
47 Taxidermy
48 I Say, I Say
49 Big Game Hunt
50 A Reworked Classic
51 What A Memory!
52 Divorce
53 Tough Shot
54 Modesty
55 Just My Luck
56 Bait Catcher
57 Good News and Bad News
58 Lassie Come Home
59 Doctor, Doctor
60 Nurse Nancy
61 Mr Potato Head Had 3 Daughters
62 Ever Seen One Of These?
63 The Garden Party
64 Protein Shake
65 Busted
66 Pick-Up Line
67 The Cure
68 I Think I'm...
69 Role Reversal!
70 Three Bricks and a Bomb
71 Passing Play
72 Bill, Hill And Chelsea
73 Trade Rumours
74 Gone Fishing
75 The Three Ages Of Man
76 Valedictorian?
77 The Big Fight
78 2 Guys And A Hole
79 Retail-clothing store
80 French Open
81 Can I Borrow Your Dog?
82 Rest In Peace
83 Sydney Pains
84 Thanks For Nothing, Doc
85 Emergency Flashers
86 Title Nine
87 Drunk Test
88 Excuses, Excuses
89 Strike Three
90 Women And Baseball
91 Agassi's Agony
92 They Me(An)T Well
93 Pop Quiz
94 Tackle Box
95 Tackle Shop
96 Chunks
97 The Math Expert
98 Phone Tag
99 Dope
100 A Good Huntin' Dawg
101 Wedding Gift
102 The Excuse
103 Identity Crisis
104 Answering Prayers
105 Gorilla In Heat
106 Is God A Yankee Fan?
107 Luck Of The Irish
108 ‘Made In Japan’
109 House on the Hill
110 A Dead-Tired Heat
111 Would You Remarry?
112 Sure Bet
113 Yankee Man
114 Dog Poker
115 Some Things You Just Can't Explain
116 The Grounded Conductor
117 Overtime
118 Preakness
119 Bullish Behaviour
120 Yukon Territory
121 Ice Breakers
122 Pacer Makers
123 Post Game Discussion
124 Marv Albert Theme Song
125 Bob Knight Again?
126 The Man Who Loved Beans
127 A Fart Story
128 Part Time Job
129 Grandmother’s Coffee
130 Poacher
131 Where's My Rolex???!!!!!
132 The Email
133 A Lion
134 A Pirate's Tale
135 My Father... Speedy
136 Two Confirmed Bachelors
137 Chicken Goes To The Library
138 Women and Men
139 Poetry Contest
140 Dumb Quotes
141 A New Aesop's Fable
142 City Slickers
143 The Texan Cowboy
144 Gay Ranch Hand
145 The Fairy Godmother
146 NBA Finals
147 Observation
148 Jock Jams
149 I say, I say
150 Two Hundred Bucks
151 Dance Fever
152 The Bush Dance
153 True Law
154 Little Old Lady
155 The Chemists
156 A Bear Joke
157 The Kuwaiti
158 Doc, Help!
159 Mr. Goldstein
160 My Wife...
161 Monkey Business
162 Heart Attack
163 Dietary Supplement
164 Lunch Hour
165 The Gore Halloween Party
166 Staking A Claim
167 Where Are We
168 Communication Breakdown
169 Arnold, Sly, and Van Damme
170 Luke and Obi-Wan
171 Tickle Me Elmo
172 Accountancy
173 The Notes
174 The Chihuahua
175 Three Dogs...
176 The New Pet
177 Invisible Opponent
178 My Dad's Better Than Your Dad
179 Breaking Up
180 The Divorce Lawyer
181 Fortune Teller
182 What Is It?
183 Night On The Town
184 Ice Fishing
185 Animal Sounds
186 NFL Refs' Complaints
187 Happy Anniversary, Dear!
188 Medical Emergency
189 Small Town Bar
190 The Justice System -- The NFL's Off Season Camp
191 The Kiss Me Frog
192 The Priest
193 Help Me Doc
194 A Computer Geek Joke
195 Sarah Was Reading A Newspaper
196 The Preacher's Bike
197 Health Plans... HMO vs. PPO
198 Getting Your Fill
199 The Blind Date
200 My Best Feature
201 Lessons In Nursing
202 The Chief Rabbi And The Pope
203 The Secretary
204 The Chaste Woman
205 Hearing Problems
206 Spella Mississippi
207 The Single Life
208 Kindergarten frog
209 Polish magician
210 Political Jokes
211 Brain Transplant
212 A Natural Process
213 Kisses Missus
214 Birthing Rights
215 The Pizza
216 Sex Education
217 Captured
218 First Time
219 The Head
220 The Great Outdoorsmen
221 Climb The Ladder To Success
222 The Bartender
223 Odd Question
224 Murphy's Laws For Athletes
225 Breaking Wind
226 Bad Breath
227 Jealousy
228 7-10 Split
229 The Translation Impaired...
230 The Bar
231 Politicians
232 Captain Bravo
233 Twelve Monks
234 Telling Lies
235 An Expensive Room
236 15 Minutes of Fame
237 Bear Chase
238 An Elderly Gent
239 Your Attention Please
240 Muddy Field
241 The Exam
242 Telegraph Pole
243 End Of The World
244 Get pregnant
245 Slogans
246 The Circumcision
247 Coaching Staff
248 Take Me Out To Ball Game
249 The Concorde Pilots
250 Compton Quickie
251 The Car Accident
252 Off to See the Wizard
253 The Fire Engine
254 The Photo
255 Roving Eye
256 Four People
257 Polarski
258 The Inn-Counter
259 Blackboard
260 Friends
261 Password
262 Ice Cube
263 A Lakers Joke
264 The Escapist
265 Cabbie
266 Holiday in Pakistan
267 Sick Leave
268 Talking Dog
269 One Man Show
270 Hiking
271 The Cowboy And The Genie
272 A Field Trip
273 The Clone
274 Headache
275 Dance
276 The Erotic Nightly Ritual...
277 I Got Rhythm
278 Sunbather
279 2 Inches
280 Wheelchair
281 French Open
282 Snail's Pace
283 ‘Once A Sailor, Always A Sailor.’
284 College Rivalry
285 Getting To Know You
286 Hunting Bait
287 A Rich Cheater
288 12’ pianist
289 Teenage Daughters
290 Foul?
291 Not The Brightest Bulb On The Tree.
292 A Prostitute
293 Dogs Mating
294 Brittany Spears
295 This Little Piggy...
296 Another Genie, Another 3 wishes...
297 Gym Shorts
298 Making Out
299 Wild Sex Positions
300 Horse And Buggy
301 Three Hand Grenades
302 The Train
303 The Prayer
304 A Quickie... Pass It On!
305 A little poke at the Dentists and their patients:
306 Frog Talk
307 Two Boobs
308 The Kid
309 The Presidents New Pig
310 Booger
311 Power Of Observation
312 Night On The Town
313 Female Teacher
314 Late Night Oral Sex
315 ‘Tarzan Not Know Sex!’
316 Man Of The People
317 G. W. Bush - The ‘Post Turtle’
318 Yes There Is!
319 Tailors
320 Teed Off
321 Talking To The Devil...
322 The Marriage Proposal.
323 Mad Cow
324 Siren
325 The Feuding Farmers.
326 The Mind May Be Willing....
327 Morals For Civil Engineers To Remember.
328 Bar Chick
329 A New Lion Tamer
330 Bottom Of The 9th
331 Beware Of Bears
332 Biggest Lies In Hockey
333 Smoke-Inhalation
334 The Rookie Pitcher
335 Make-Up Sex
336 Superman
337 New House
338 Don't Ever Hassle The Frog.
339 A Frog Loan
340 Smart Dog
341 Touchy Feely
342 The Mighty Moose-Stafa
343 Tax Letter To The IRS:
344 Fishing Lure
345 Trick Or Treating
346 85 Year Old Husband
347 Pet Fish
348 Cold Cream
349 A Talented Dog
350 Accident
351 The Reunion
352 Steroids
353 Peanuts & Crackerjacks
354 Men And Beer And Female Hormones
355 Two Doctors
356 Russian submarine
357 Who Wear's The Pants?
358 Ok Dad
359 Talent Vs. Grades
360 The Bottle
361 Dog Lies
362 Shooting Beaver
363 The Honeymoon is Over!
364 Another Cindy special!
365 The Sperm Bank
366 Times Are Hard
367 Jack And Jill Revisited
368 Michael Jackson
369 The Halloween Party
370 Q&A-2
371 It Was Spring In The Old West.
372 Murphy
373 Advanced Medicine
374 The New CEO
375 Taking Care Of Business
376 Italian boy and Jewish boy
377 Mickey/Minnie Divorce
378 Clinton
379 Cold
380 Calling
381 Donkeywoman.
382 Secretary
383 Olives
384 Popping off from the Pulpit!
385 By The River
386 A Sunday Drive
387 Blind Skydiving
388 Japanese Banking Crisis
389 All Gods Animals
390 Struck Gold
391 Biology Class
392 The Food Critic...
393 We Don't Server Snails...
394 Naked Gambler
395 The Old Chaperone
396 Little Johnny does it again!
397 Bubba and Junior get promoted.
398 The First Erection
399 Jay Leno Jokes from the Tonight Show...
400 Garbage
401 The Smuggler.
402 The Great Escape...
403 The Job Test...
404 Kiss it Better?
405 Blind Salesman
406 Choice Cut Bait
407 A Happy Biker
408 Big Leprechauns
409 The Salesman
410 Fight Song
411 Madams Parrot
412 Tuner Brown
413 The New Ears...
414 Cell Phone Man
415 The Difference
416 The Big Bad Mouse
417 Gum Factory
418 The Super Sale!
419 The 3 Old-Timers...
420 Shipwrecked And Not Too Bright...
421 The Taxi Ride
422 The Lumberjack...
423 Doing Our Part...
424 87 And Feeling Great...
425 How To Get Out Of Your Next Speeding Ticket...
426 DUI Test
427 I Say, I Say
428 Armed Forces Radio Communication
429 The Suit...
430 Transplant_2-Heart to Heart...
431 Make Me An Uncle...
432 The Brave Firemen...
433 Black Magic...
434 The Traffic Ticket...
435 Drowning Bush
436 The smart drunk.
437 Suit
438 Amazing Flying Turtle
439 Falling
440 To Fit The Occasion, Some Facts About Men...
441 Buying The Farm...
442 Definition
443 Brothel
444 Flames Of Passion
445 The Chicken
446 The Not-So-Bright Experiment...
447 Well Done!
448 The drunk...
449 The 2 Hookers...
450 A Mixed Bag Of Political Satire...
451 Ahead
452 Let's Talk
453 Ted's A Goner...
454 A Monday Morning Gross-Out...
455 At The Pearly Gates...
456 The 2 Kooks...
457 Help From Canada On The Way...
458 Pet Octopus
459 Advice For The Day...
460 Teddy Bears
461 Generally Speaking...
462 The Divorce...
463 Here's Little Johnny!...
464 Quick Thinking!...
465 The Sergeant Learns A Lesson?
466 Dogs And Light Bulbs?
467 ‘Weird Reference Questions’
468 The Cure For Hiccups...
469 Rabbit Droppings.
470 A History Lesson!
471 The New Business...
472 Become A Doctor
473 A Logical Explanation
474 Why you should drink beer.
475 The Early Riser
476 The Bridge Club
477 A Long Night
478 Peanuts
479 An Act of Kindness
480 Satan's Lawyer
481 The Job Interview
482 The Chilli
483 The Diagnosis-1
484 The Diagnosis-2
485 The Irishman
486 The Mourner
487 A Fable
488 What's in a Name
489 The Looney Bin
490 Corporate Decisions
491 A Jury Full of Lawyers
492 Twins
493 What To Do For A Cough
494 Survival Skills
495 Wishful Thinking
496 The Brilliance of Humanity
497 The Flood
498 The Arrest
499 The Potato
500 Dead Give-Away
501 The Wedding Night
502 Dinosaur Bones
503 The Slide
504 The Invitation
505 The Rookie
506 The Court Trial
507 The Psychiatrist's Diagnosis
508 The Rude Student
509 Ranch Intelligence
510 The Interested Doctor
511 Little Johnny on a Scavenger Hunt
512 Old Man's Revenge
513 The Ugliest One
514 The Question
515 Show Off
516 The Trick
517 Watch It
518 Doctor's Poker Game
519 The Choice
520 Where Did I Come From?
521 Marital Bliss?
522 Quick Thinking
523 The Switch
524 A Great Deal
525 Strange Ritual
526 Between Innings
527 Black Eyes...
528 Would You Like A Pun With Your Burger?
529 No Tie - No Enter!
530 2 Cute Ones About Kids...
531 The New Baby...
532 A New Pair Of Shoes...
533 Baby's Revenge...
534 The Interviews
535 The Unscrupulous Businessman
536 What to Wear with the IRS
537 The Bitter Soldier
538 Two Irish Friends
539 The Telegram
540 Three Engineers
541 Last Wishes
542 Last Wishes
543 The Swimming Race
544 The Physicist
545 McDonalds
546 The Looney Bin
547 Two Cows
548 Which One?
549 Not So Smart Doctor
550 Smart Kid
551 A Final Tribute
552 Out Of Concern
553 Viagra Study
554 The Plan
555 Conducting A Music Class
556 Airline Safety
557 The Sobbing Bride
558 These Three Are Tough
559 The Condom Display
560 Sunday Is Punday
561 The Angry Clergyman
562 The Storks
563 A Dying Wish
564 To Home With Love
565 Visiting Grandma
566 Career Aspirations
567 Abstinence
568 Breakfast
569 The Interview
570 Thus...
571 Cured
572 On The Plane
573 It Cannot Be
574 Mirror, Mirror On The Wall
575 Quick...
576 What's For Dinner
577 The Sacrifice
578 Fairy Tales
579 The Affair
580 Most Wanted
581 Problems
582 I Don't Understand
583 A Little Gift
584 The Love Dress
585 My Pumpkin
586 At The Bus Stop
587 The Offer
588 Why
589 How Government Works
590 Just Remember
591 Grandpa, Can You...?
592 Birth Control Pills
593 Three Friends
594 A Fitting Purchase
595 The Pool
596 Progressing With Time?
597 The Carjacking
598 The Statue
599 Are you the one?
600 Ladies Night Out...
601 ‘I Told You...’
602 Strength Vs. Age
603 ‘See That, Baby?’
604 The Blessing
605 S. O. S.
606 Words To Live By
607 The Earring
608 Stay Calm
609 A Texan in Ireland
610 But Why?
611 A Bad Day
612 For 16 Years
613 Big Trouble
614 Ghandi
615 Johnny Said
616 He Doesn't Speak
617 The Gift
618 Divorced Barbie
619 Q&A
620 Out With The Flu
621 The Price Of Popcorn
622 Fifty-Fifty
623 What Do You Want?
624 Following In His Footsteps
625 Need Water!
626 Psychiatric Hotline
627 I Need A Doctor
628 The Government vs. The Mafia
629 Booze Party
630 The Bungee Jumper
631 The Blind Date
632 The Feminist
633 Some of the Myths About Marriage...
634 Two Girls
635 The Big Bad Bug
636 The Psychic Said...
637 My Poor Girlfriend
638 Who Wants To Be a Millionaire
639 Geek Speak
640 Home For The Holidays!
641 With The Long Brown Hair...
642 Last Request
643 The Palm Beach Pokey
644 Cash, Check, or Charge
645 Kids, Kids, or Kids
646 The Toy Raffle
647 Stranded On A Boat
648 Gore/Bush Settle
649 Offend Thy Honour
650 What If Dr. Seuss Wrote Computer Tech Manuals?
651 Four New Fathers
652 Bad News or Terrible News First
653 Thanksgiving Weather Forecast
654 Quick One-Liners
655 Six-Legged Turkey
656 Quick One Liners
657 How Do You Keep An Idiot In Suspense
658 Travelling In New Zealand
659 American Tourist
660 The Waking Patient
661 Timid Boy
662 The Pig and Cops
663 Marriage Counselling
664 Grades
665 Florida Senior Citizens
666 Bill And Hill
667 At The Old Ball Game
668 The Five Levels of Drinking
669 Migrating Birds and Dumb Questions...
670 One-Liners Galore...
671 Honest Lawyer for Hire...
672 The free ride is over...
673 Twas the night before Payback...
674 Republicans & Democrats
675 Watermelons
676 A Famous Knick Fan
677 Three Drunks
678 Lumberjack Joke
679 A Jock's Excuse
680 The Winning Ticket
681 Super-Size It!
682 B-Ball One Liners
683 **Home Run Slang**
684 Slapshots
685 Equipped
686 Mounting Animals
687 Q&A
688 Victory Celebration
689 The Amazing Catch
690 Hung Like A Wilson
691 Batter Vs. Pitcher
692 Proof Of Cheating
693 Cooperation
694 The Fix
695 Post Game Play
696 The L. A. Cavaliers
697 Olympic Condoms
698 Genie In A Bottle
699 Three Pints
700 The Deflating XFL
701 Bob Knight Clutching Onto Texas Tech Job
702 Woman Troubles
703 A Paradox
704 Shooting Craps
705 False Idols
706 Losing Memory
707 Florida Mom
708 The Scavenger Hunt
709 Breaking The Rules
710 Words Words Words
711 Twin Trouble
712 Food For Thought
713 The Snake and the Bunny Rabbit...
714 George Carlin's I'm a BAD American!
715 Restructuring Management
716 Annual Inspection
717 Wisdom
718 Poker Face
719 Competitive Stress
720 Early One Morn
721 Bear Hunting
722 Redneck Father And Son
723 Big Ass
724 Directions
725 Country Living
726 Sports Ticker
727 Local Yokel
728 Air Jordan
729 Autograph Collection
730 Groaner
731 And the winner is...
732 Gone Fishin...
733 Soul Searching
734 Personal Identification
735 Hookers Lips
736 Holmes and Watson On a Camping Trip
737 The Farter
738 What is this?
739 Placing your order
740 Oh, Superman
741 The Marriage Counsellor
742 Birthday Present
743 80yr Old Virgin
744 Say It With Flowers
745 Playing Dead
746 Actual ad.
747 Feet First
748 Sorry About Your Smoke Detector
749 Bad News
750 Lawyers_1
751 Lawyers_2
752 Lawyers_3
753 Lawyers_4
754 Lawyers_5
755 Lawyers_6
756 School Hate
757 PC Spell Checker
758 G'day Mate
759 Everyone Needs Supplies
760 You Cunt
761 Grand Wizard in the KKK
762 The 10 Most Important People in a Woman's Life
763 More From Jonathon
764 Medicare
765 Silly
766 Bring Me A Beer Before It Starts!
767 Golf - Doctor, Doctor!
768 Old Dog, New Tricks
768 Old Dog, New Tricks
769 Tortoises
770 It's Killing Us-Diet
771 Father/Son
772 White Man
773 Funny animals
774 Teen Pregnancy
775 Colonoscopies - All in A Day's Work
776 Pickles
777 Drinking-Comic Quotes
778 The Husband Store - Lessons in Life
779 The Gong
780 Clean Your Ears
781 500 Dollars
782 A Quarter Trouble
783 Penguin Vacation
784 New Milk Machine
785 Treat Her Like A Woman
786 An Unusual Applicant
787 Stupid Statements
788 Drunk And Falling Down
789 A Great Job
790 The Perfect Day
791 Deadly Food
792 Sending Old Men To War
793 Youll Lose Your Mind
794 Elderly Marriage
795 Damn Women Drivers
796 The Cursed Prince
797 The Wrong Bitch
798 Wrong Feet
799 Beer Is The Best
800 Stupid Technician
801 This Is Good
802 The Gunfighter
803 Fortune Telling
804 Needs A Push
805 Guy who works in meat factory by The Porn Joker
806 Passing the test
807 According to the dictionary
808 Knowledge
809 Obedient Car
810 The Gorilla
1 The Finest Natural Pun I've Ever Seen
Courtesy of Anne McCaffrey in ‘Pegasus In Space’ (and I was the first person IN THE WORLD to notice this: even AMcC didn't spot it, and she wrote the book): -
Ludmilla Barchenka, construction manager, failed in her attempted mutiny aboard the orbiting space platform later known as the Padrugoi Independent Space Station. The attempt was foiled because of of the morality and strength of character of those ranged against her (the good guys) and she never really stood a chance.
In other words...
She got caught trying to take the P.I.S.S.
2 Phallic Symbol
Camilla had come to see Dr. Hardy.
When the shrink began using sexual terms, she interrupted, ‘Wait, what is a phallic symbol?’
‘A phallic symbol,’ explained Hardy, ‘represents the phallus.’
‘What's a phallus?’ asked Camilla.
‘Well,’ said the analyst, ‘the best way to explain it is to show you.’
He stood up, unzipped his fly and took out his pecker.
‘This is a phallus.’
‘Oh,’ said the girl, ‘It's like a prick, only smaller.’
3 Hockey Fanatics
Four hockey fans are mountain climbing.
Each climber happens to be a rabid fan of a different NHL team.
As they climb higher and higher, they argue more and more about which of them is the most loyal to their particular team. Finally, as they reach the summit, the climber from Detroit takes a running leap and throws himself off the mountain, yelling, ‘This is for the Detroit Red Wings.’
Not wanting to be outdone, the climber from St. Louis throws himself off the mountain, shouting,
‘This is for the St. Louis Blues.’
Seeing this, the Ottawa climber walks to the edge and yells,
‘This is for hockey fans everywhere!’
He then pushes the fan from Toronto off.
4 Dumb Quotes
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: ‘My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.’
Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G. M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs: ‘I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating.’
Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: ‘He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.’
5 Saving A Life Redneck Style
Two red necks were sitting at the bar when one noticed a woman choking on her hamburger.
The red neck cuts off his friend and rushes to her aid. When asking her if she can breathe, she shakes her head, ‘no.’
He immediately pulls her out of her seat, yanks up her dress, and licks her rear. In shock, the woman is able to spit up the hamburger, and breathe. When the man rejoins his friend at the bar, his friend asks ‘what that was all about.’ The red neck looks up and says ‘It’s the Hinny-lick, it works every time!’
6 The Last Rocker Joke
John Rocker returned to New York this week where he was subjected to booing, but no physical violence. Before his first game on Thursday he issued a statement apologizing for all the hoopla surrounding his comments, reminding the Mets fans that it has deterred their attention from an incredible Braves season.
7 The Therapist
A man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed, ‘Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this.’
‘What's the problem?’ the doctor inquired.
‘Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.’
‘My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you.’
The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited.
Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face.
‘Did my advice not work?’ asked the doctor.
‘It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women.’
‘So, what's your problem?’
‘I don't have a problem,’ the man replied. ‘My wife does.’
8 No Pets Allowed
A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, ‘No pets allowed.’
The man replied, ‘This is a special dog. Turn on the Eagle's game and you'll see.’
The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turns on the game.
The guy says, ‘Watch. Whenever the Eagle's score, my dog does flips.’
The Eagle's keep scoring field goals and the dog keeps flipping and jumping. ‘Wow! That's one hell of a dog you got there! What happens when the Eagle's score a touchdown?’
The man replied, ‘I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years!’
9 Wonder Pills
A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.
The pharmacist says, ‘Here's a pill for English literature.’
The student swallows the pill and has new knowledge about English literature!
Impressed, he asks, ‘What else do you have?’
‘Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history,’ replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, swallows them, and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks, ‘Do you have a pill for math?’
The pharmacist says, ‘Wait just a moment.’ He goes back into the storeroom and returns with a whopper of a pill that he plunks on the counter.
‘I have to take that huge pill for math?’ inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied, ‘Well, you know--math always was a little hard to swallow.’
10 The Lion Tamer
Two unemployed guys are talking.
One says, ‘I'm going to become a lion tamer.’
The other replies, ‘That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming.’
‘Yes I do!’
‘Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what're you gonna do?’
‘Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down.’
‘Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?’
‘Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down.’
‘Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?’
‘Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him.’
‘Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?’
‘Well, then I pick up some of the crap that's on the floor of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage.’
‘Well, what if there ain't no crap in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?’
‘Well, that's dumb.’
‘Why?’
‘Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don't work... There's going to be some Crap on the floor of that cage, You Can Bet On That!’
11 Miller Time
Dennis Miller, the witty comedian who made his name on Saturday Night Live and later his own show is now a sportscaster, joining the ABC Monday Night Football analysis squad. When asked if he liked sports or not he replied, ‘I'm not a fan of football, but I am a fan of million dollar pay checks and one day working weeks.’
12 Chat Room
A slutty girl is flirting with 2 guys in a chat room. The first guy asks, ‘What state are you from?’ While at the same time the second guy asks, ‘What do you do for a living?’
To satisfy them both, She replies, ‘Idaho.’
13 Lost
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, ‘Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.
‘ The woman below replied, ‘You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.’
‘You must be an engineer,’ said the balloonist.
‘I am,’ replied the woman, ‘How did you know?’
‘Well,’ answered the balloonist, ‘everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip.’
The woman below responded, ‘You must be in Management.’
‘I am,’ replied the balloonist, ‘but how did you know?’
‘Well,’ said the woman, ‘you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault.’
14 Memories
Max was telling his son about his days as a prize-fighter.
‘The bell rang and we met in the centre of the ring. I threw a left hook, and he got me with a right cross. It was brutal.’
The son was proud of his father's courage.
‘Then in the second round I took a couple of shots, but held my ground.
By the third round I had my opponent worried.’
‘Did you really?’ his son asked.
‘You bet I did. He thought that he had killed me.’
15 Reward
One day a King called in all the towns' people to his castle and said, ‘Who ever will swim across this moat and back (which was full of alligators) can have one of two rewards: A chest full of gold or my beautiful daughter's hand in marriage.’
All of a sudden he saw a man dart across the moat and back just like an arrow without getting a single scratch on him.
‘Which do you want, the chest full of gold?’ asked the King.
No,’ said the man.
‘So you want my daughter's hand in marriage.
‘No,’ replied the man.
‘Well, said the king if you don't want that either what do you want?’
‘I want the name of the man who pushed me in the water!’
16 Newlyweds-1
A young couple was married and celebrated their first night together by doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride.
Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared and she asked shyly, ‘What's that?’ pointing to a small part of his anatomy.
He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, ‘Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night.’
And she, in amazement, asked, ‘Is that all we have left?’
17 Newlyweds-2
A newlywed couple was spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin in the mountains.
They had registered on Saturday and hadn't been seen for five days. The elderly woman who ran the resort got concerned about the welfare of the newlyweds, and sent her husband to check on them.
The husband knocked on the door of the cabin, and a weak voice from inside responded.
The old man asked, ‘Are you young folks all right?’
‘Yes, we're fine,’ the husband answered. We're living on the fruits of love.’
The old man replied, ‘I kinda figured that. Say... Would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window?
They're choking my ducks!’
18 Three Women On An Island
Three women are stranded on an island. One woman tripped over something. She looks down and sees a lamp. The girls rub the lamp and to their astonishment, a Genie pops out.
‘I will grant you 3 wishes, but since there of three of you, you will each get one wish.’
The first girl says, ‘I want to be strong enough to swim to shore.’ The Genie snapped his fingers, and the girl set out.
Not 15 feet off the island, a shark came and ate her.
The second girl says, ‘I want to be skilled enough to create something that will get me off the island.’
With that, the Genie snapped his fingers, giving the girl some logs and string, and she made a raft and set out.
When she was 15 feet off shore, the tide grew strong, and the raft capsized, killing her.
The third girl thought long and hard, when finally she came up with her wish. ‘I wish to be smart enough to find a way off the island.’
The Genie snapped his fingers and she turned into a man and took the bridge.
19 Which Bus?
A drunk gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says ‘I've got news for you, you're going straight to hell!’
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, ‘Damn, I'm on the wrong bus!’
20 Diet
A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said ‘I haven't eaten anything in four days.’
She looked at him and said, ‘God, I wish I had your will power.’
21 How many...?
Q: How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
22 Two Little Boys
Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine and one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and takes it to the checkout. The cashier asks ‘Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?’
The nine-year old replies, ‘Nope, not for my mom.’
Without thinking, the cashier responded, ‘Well, they must be for your sister then?’
The nine year old responded, ‘Nope, not for my sister either.’
The cashier had now become curious.
‘Oh! Not for your mom and not for your sister, who are they for?’
The nine year old says, ‘They're for my four year old little brother.’
The cashier is surprised.
‘Your four year old little brother?’
The nine year old explains, ‘Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either of them!’
23 Whole-Wheat Bread
Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex.
Elmer says, ‘Yessir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!’
Leon replies, ‘You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?’
To which Elmer said, ‘Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!’
So the second old man rushed to the store.
The clerk asks the old man, ‘May I help you?’
‘Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please,’ said Leon.
‘That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!’ the clerk remarked.
Leon replies, ‘Damn! Does everyone know about this except me?’
24 Hunting Accident
Two hunters were hunting deer when one accidentally shot his friend.
At the hospital the friend underwent hours of emergency surgery as the doctors tried to save him.
The doctors were working in shifts, and one was taking his break. He walked by the waiting room where the shooter spotted him. The shooter approached the doctor and asked if his friend would be okay.
The doctor looked at him and said, ‘Well, he WOULD have been if you hadn't gutted him.’
25 Torn Ligaments
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened.
Andy replied, ‘Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while.’
Josh, ‘Gee, I never knew you played hockey.’
Andy, ‘No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup Play-Offs. I put my foot through the television.’
26 The Psychic Hotline
A boy frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: ‘You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.’
The frog is thrilled, ‘This is great! Will I meet her at a party?’
‘No,’ says his Advisor, ‘in her biology class.’
27 The Little Hero
Two boys are playing football in Golden Gate Park when a rabid Rottweiler attacks one.
Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
‘Young Fourty-Niners' Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal,’ he starts writing in his notebook.
‘But I'm not a ‘Niners' fan,’ the little hero replied.
‘Sorry, since we are in San Francisco I just assumed you were,’ said the reporter and starts again.
‘Little Oakland Raiders' Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack’ he continued writing in his notebook.
‘I'm not a Raiders' fan either,’ the boy said.
‘I assumed everyone in the Bay Area was either for the ‘Niners' or Raiders.
What team do you root for?’ the reporter asked.
‘I'm a Cowboys' fan,’ the child said. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, ‘Little Redneck Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet.’
28 Wilt The Stilt
Wilt Chamberlain's ball was sold for $551,000. This is highest dollar amount involved with Chamberlain's balls since his last paternity suit.
29 Baseball In Heaven
Two men were very fond of baseball. They would go to every game they could find. One's name was Larry and the other one Earl. One day Larry died in a car accident while he was on his way to a baseball game.
He came to visit Earl the next night in a dream.
Earl asked Larry if Heaven was very good. Larry said that it was better than being on Earth.
Earl wanted to know if there was baseball in Heaven.
Larry said, ‘Well, I have good news and bad news for you.’
Earl wanted to know, ‘What's the good news?’
‘Well, Earl, yes there is baseball in Heaven-but the bad news is you are pitching tomorrow night.’
30 Old Wisdom
Undertakers can bury their mistakes;
Coaches still have theirs on scholarships;
Finish last in your league and they call you an idiot;
Finish last in medical school and they call you a doctor.
31 Take Me Out To Ball Game
Take me out to the ball game
Take me out with the crowd.
Pay 20 bucks for a beer and cracker jacks
Stand in line at the toilets
I don't think I'll ever get back
To root, root, root for the home team
The demands of the free agent are a shame
Because it's 10, 20, 30 million they want
Just to play the old ball game.
32 Mikes Mess Up
One night after the big fight Mike Tyson was a bit depressed so he decided to get a prostitute to cheer him up.
After the act, they were laying in bed having a smoke.
The prostitute said ‘Well Mike, how's it all going?’
‘How's it all going?’ he asked. ‘My life's a disaster.
I was born to an under-privileged family, had a hard up-bringing, was thrown in jail for rape, now I'm on parole and I've hit a cop, my wife left me for beating her up, I have to pay maintenance for my kids, I've lost two world title fights, I've disgraced myself and my sport, they want to ban me for life and they won't pay me my money.
Nothing could make my life any worse.’
‘Oh, that's so sad’ the prostitute said.
‘I'll say one thing to cheer you up. You're a much better lover than Magic Johnson!’
33 In the Dog House
A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, ‘You can't bring that dog in here.’
‘You don't understand,’ says the man. ‘This is no regular dog, he can talk.’
‘Listen, pal,’ says the bartender. ‘If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks.’
The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, ‘What's on top of a house?’
‘Roof!’
‘Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?’
‘Bark!’
‘And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?’
‘Ruth!’
‘I guess you've heard enough,’ says the man. ‘I’ll take the hundred in twenties.’
The bartender is furious. ‘Listen, pal,’ he says, ‘get out of here before I belt you.’
As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, ‘Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?’
34 A Liberal and a Conservative
Q: How do you tell the difference between a liberal and a conservative?
A: Easy. Watch a man drowning fifty feet offshore. The conservative will throw out 25 feet of rope and shout ‘swim for it!’ The liberal will toss out 50 feet of rope, drop his own end, and go off to do another good deed.
35 Time for Tyson
This fight in Scotland should be a no-brainer for Tyson, because he's used to hitting people in skirts.
Tyson was asked in a press conference if he had adjusted to cultural differences. He was asked if he could understand the language and the accents.
‘Yes, I understand the Scottish and they know that after the fight my opponent will be kilt.’
36 Only One Kiss
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, ‘I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?’
‘Only one kiss per yard, ‘ replied the smirking male clerk.
‘That's fine,’ replied the girl. ‘I’ll take ten yards.’
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. ‘Grandpa will pay the bill,’ she smiled.
37 Hitch-hiker
One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four and has the appearance of a walking wardrobe. He has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o'-shanter at a rakish angle.
At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful -- slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair... heart stopping.
The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham.
‘Right, you Jimmy,’ he shouts, ‘Ah want you to masturbate!’
‘But...’ stammers the driver.
‘Du it now - or I'll bluddy kill yu!’
So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate.
Thinking of the girl on the roadside this doesn't take him long.
‘Right!’ snarls the Highlander ‘Du it agin!’
‘But.....’ says the driver.
‘Now!’
So the driver does it again.
‘Right laddie, du it agin!’ demands the Highlander.
This goes on for nearly two hours. The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, has violent knob-ache, his sight is failing (as promised for years by his priest) and despite the cold wind has collapsed in a sweating, jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand.
‘Du it again!’ says the Highlander.
‘I can't do it any more! You'll just have to kill me!’ whimpers the man.
The Highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside.
‘All right laddie.’ he says, ‘NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to Inverness?’
38 Rosebuds
The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitches a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!!!! The teenager tells her ‘Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!’ and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate...
The grandmother says, ‘Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets.’
39 You Idiot!
One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, ‘How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?’
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, ‘I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!’
40 Barber Shop
A gay guy walks into a barber shop. He says to the barber, ‘Sir how can I make hair grow on my chest?’
The barber replies, ‘Go home and put Vaseline on your chest real thick...’
That night the young man does as the barber told him. His partner climbs into bed and reaches over to hold him and feels the slime on his chest.
He says, ‘What the hell is this?’
The other man replies, ‘The barber told me that if I put Vaseline on my chest then hair would grow...’
His partner replies, ‘You stupid son of a bitch, if that were the case you would have a damn pony tail hanging out of your ass.’
41 Strange
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, ‘Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.’
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passers-by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative:
He would inscribe, ‘Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.’ That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: ‘That's Strange!’
42 Football Wedding
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One says, ‘It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?’
The other says, ‘Well, we have a name for it in my family.’
‘What do you call it?’
‘We call it a football wedding.’
The first asks, ‘What's a football wedding?’
The other says, ‘She's waiting for him to kick off!’
43 First Half Injury
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and, at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball.
The first play, the elephant was stopped for no gain.
The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain.
On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5-yard loss.
The defence huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, ’Who stopped the elephant?’
‘I did,’ said the centipede.
‘Who stopped the rhino?’
‘Uh, that was me too,’ said the centipede.
‘And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?’
‘Well, that was me as well,’ said the centipede.
‘So where were you during the first half?’ demanded the coach.
‘Well,’ said the centipede, ‘I was having my ankles taped.’
44 Attitude Toward Whiskey
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.
‘If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.’
45 Two Cows
Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, ‘I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.’
The other cow replied, ‘Hell, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks.’
46 Three Theatre Tickets
The young man said to his sweetheart, ’We're going to have a great time tonight. I have three theatre tickets.’
The young girl said, ‘Why do we need three tickets?’
‘They’re for your father, mother and kid sister!’
47 Taxidermy
A hunter was visiting another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, ‘When did you bag him?’
The host said, ‘That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife.’
‘What's he stuffed with?’ asked the visiting hunter.
‘My wife!’
48 I Say, I Say
Why was the transvestite happy that he was fired?
He always had wanted a pink slip.
49 Big Game Hunt
A man wanted to go hunting, but he couldn't find anyone to go with him.
As a last resort, he asked the town drunk to tag along.
The next morning, the drunk was ready and waiting, with a fifth of whiskey.
When they got to the woods the old drunk took a seat under a large oak tree.
The other man went off to his stand and told the drunk to make as little noise as possible.
A few hours had passed so the man went back to check on the drunk.
As he got closer, he could hear terrifying screams coming from the drunk.
The man yells at the drunk, ‘I told you to keep it quiet!’
The drunk explains, ‘I know, I know... But when I sat in a bed of fire ants, I didn't make any noise.
Then, when a snake slithered across my feet, I kept quiet. But, I just couldn't take it any longer when that squirrel came back for his second nut!’
50 A Reworked Classic
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a New York Mets fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Mets fans too. Not really knowing what a Mets fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air.
There is, however, one exception.
A little boy named Mike has not gone along with the crowd
The teacher asks him why he has decided to be different.
‘Because I'm not a Mets fan’ he retorts.
‘Then,’ asks the teacher ‘what are you?’
’I'm a proud New York Yankees fan!’ boasts the little boy.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.
She asks Mike why he is a Yankees fan.
‘Well, my Dad and Mom are Yankees fans, so I'm a Yankees fan too’ he responds.
The teacher is now angry.
‘That's no reason,’ she says loudly.
‘What if your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was an idiot. What would you be then?’
Mike says, ‘Then I'd be a Mets fan.’
51 What A Memory!
An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the Amazon, when the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock. The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle.
‘What did you do that for?’ asks the crocodile.
The elephant answers, ‘That turtle was the one that bit me almost fifty years ago.’
The crocodile says, ‘And you remembered him after all these years? Boy, you sure do have a good memory.’
‘Yep,’ says the elephant. ‘I have turtle recall.’
52 Divorce
A married couple are driving along a highway doing sixty mph, the husband behind the wheel.
His wife suddenly looks over at him and says, ‘Honey, I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.’
The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to seventy mph.
She then says, ‘I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you are.’
Again the husband stays quiet but speeds up as his anger increases.
‘I want the house,’ she insists, pressing her luck.
Again the husband speeds up, to eighty mph.
She says, ‘I want the car, too,’ but he just drives faster and faster.
By now he's up to ninety mph.
‘All right,’ she says, ‘I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too.’
The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling.
This makes her a bit nervous, so she says, ‘Isn't there anything you want?’
The husband says, ‘No, I've got everything I need.’
‘Oh, really,’ she says, ‘so what have you got?’
Right before they slam into the wall at a hundred mph, the husband smiles and says, ‘The airbag.’
53 Tough Shot
Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, ‘Jack, I've got trouble down here!’
‘What's the matter?’ Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
‘Bring me my wedge,’ Joe shouted. ‘You can't get out of here with an eight iron!’
54 Modesty
A modest young lady had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence, ‘If you can read this, you're too damned close’ embroidered on her panties and bra.
‘Yes, madam,’ said the clerk, ‘I'm quite certain that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?’
‘ Braille!’ she replied.
55 Just My Luck
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, ‘My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars.’
The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, ‘Okay, where's my hundred dollars?’
The man said, ‘Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.’
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, ‘Just my luck. How much do I owe you?’
56 Bait Catcher
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.
Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms.
57 Good News and Bad News
Two asparagus were walking down the street when a car hit one of them. He was taken to the hospital.
When the doctor came out he said to the other asparagus, ‘I have good news and bad news, the good news is that your friend died. The bad news is that if your friend had lived he would have remained a vegetable for the rest of his life.’
58 Lassie Come Home
During the local match, a spectator was surprised to see a dog walk onto the pitch and start pitching, eventually striking out the other all star team, and scoring two home runs.
‘That's incredible!’ he exclaimed to the man next to him.
‘Yes,’ he said, ‘but he's a terrible disappointment to his parents.
They wanted him to be a football player.’
59 Doctor, Doctor
One day an old lady walked into the doctor's office and was shown into a room. When the doctor came in and asked what the problem was, she answered, ‘I have awful gas, but it doesn't bother me. You see, it's completely silent and doesn't smell at all.’
The doctor, after examining her thoroughly, gave her some pills and told her to take one everyday and come back in a week. The lady returned, and when the doctor asked if her problem was any better she replied, ‘Well I don't know what you gave me, but now my gas smells terrible!’
The doctor replied, ‘Well, now that we've got your sinuses cleared up let's work on your hearing.’
60 Nurse Nancy
Two doctors in practice in a small country clinic had to hire a new nurse when the one they had won the lottery and quit. They interviewed Nurse Nancy and decided to hire her. She had only worked two days when one doctor called the other to his office and said that they would have to let Nurse Nancy go.
‘Why, we just hired her?’
‘Well, I think she is dyslexic and get thing backward. I told her to give Mr. Smith two shots of morphine every 24 four hour, but she gave him 24 shots in two hours and it almost killed him. I told her to give Mrs. Jones an enema every twelve hours and she gave her twelve in one hour.’
The doctor have barely finished his reasons when the other doctor rushed out of the room.
‘Where are you going in such a hurry?’ the doctor asked.
‘To see Nurse Nancy, I just instructed her to prick Mr. Hill's Boil!’
61 Mr Potato Head Had 3 Daughters
The first daughter came home and said she was going to marry a potato farmer from Maine. Her father was very pleased, and said, ‘Make plenty of french-fries.’
The second daughter came home and said she was going to marry a potato farmer from Idaho. Her father was very pleased, and said, ‘Make many good baking potatoes.’
The third daughter came home and said she was going to marry Dan Rather. Her father was very upset that she was marrying a common-tater.
62 Ever Seen One Of These?
In the middle of the harvesting, one of the farmhands had to obey the call of nature. He went to the edge of the field and started peeing.
Most unfortunately, he was stung by a bee right on the ‘tip.’
The pain was unbearable, but he knew a piece of good advice. He went to the farmers house and put his penis in buttermilk.
At that moment the farmers daughter came in.
With her face red, she stood perfectly still looking at him
‘Have you never seen one of these before?’ the farmhand asked.
To which the girl replied, ‘Yes, but this is the first time I see one being reloaded!’
63 The Garden Party
A wealthy woman is giving a garden party, and several well-to-do guests attend.
While the party ensues, two gardeners are out on the back lawn working. One of the guests was watching the gardeners do their thing, and while one gardener was busy weeding the other jumped up and did graceful swirling dance movements.
Taken by his grace, the guest remarked to the host, ‘That man is such a talented dancer, that I'd pay him a hundred pounds to demonstrate his dancing before my aerobics class!’
When the host asked the first gardener about such an arrangement, he yelled, ‘Hey Fred! Do you think for a hundred pounds you could step on that rake again?’
64 Protein Shake
Two jocks were discussing diets and nutrition at the gym.
‘I started using creatine and the pounds came on,’ one jock said.
‘I don't know about all of those shakes and stuff, they taste so bad.’
‘So you don't use them?’ the other jock asked.
‘No, I found a diet that keeps the pounds coming on without a problem.’
‘What is it?’
‘It's starts with cutting the wedding cake.’
65 Busted
Once there were two star Auburn football players that had failed a test, and could not play football in the championship game.
So, after a lot of begging from the coach, the teacher finally let the two take the test again. They took the test, and turned it in.
The coach and the two students watched carefully over the teacher grading the tests. She checked over the first test, then over the second test.
Half way through the second test she stopped and put a great big ‘F’ on both tests.
The coach was furious and demanded an explanation.
She said that they had cheated.
‘Why do say that?’ the coach asked.
The teacher showed him number six.
The coach looked at number six on the first test.
The answer read, ‘I don't know.’
The coach said that it didn't prove anything.
So, the teacher handed him the second test.
The answer read, ‘I don't know either.’
66 Pick-Up Line
I thought I wouldn't stand a chance when I first saw you, but knowing you like 'em small gives me hope again.
67 The Cure
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his check-up the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, ‘Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die.’
‘Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him as it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. ‘If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely. On the way home, the husband asked his wife, ‘What did the doctor say?’
‘You're going to die,’ she replied.
68 I Think I'm...
A girl walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see the ‘upturn.’
‘I think, you mean the 'intern,' don't you?’ asked the nurse on duty.
‘Yes,’ said the girl. ‘I want to have a 'contamination.'‘
‘You mean 'examination,'‘ the nurse corrected her.
‘Well I want to go to the 'fraternity ward,' anyway.’
‘I'm sure you mean the maternity ward.’
To which the girl replied: ‘Upturn, intern; contamination, examination; fraternity, maternity.... What's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant.’
69 Role Reversal!
A San Francisco man who bit his dog as part of a ‘primal’ training regime has been ordered to stand trial on felony charges of animal cruelty. The man described the bites as part of ‘nature's way’ of dog training then proceeded to perform ‘nature's way’ all over the courtroom carpet.
70 Three Bricks and a Bomb
A helicopter was ordered by the President to go drop three bricks and a bomb on Iraq as a warning of what America will do to Iraq's citizens if Saddam will not get rid of his chemical weapons.
As the helicopter was going to travel to Iraq the hatch of the helicopter was not securely fastened and the 3 bricks and a bomb fell out of the helicopter.
The people in the helicopter were worried about the American citizens that might have been hit by the falling objects. So they went down to see if everyone was ok.
When they went down to check on the people, they discovered a girl crying. The pilot asked, ‘Girl why are you crying?’ The girl answered, ‘Because a brick hit my dad and he died.’
They took care of the girl and saw another young man crying. The asked the young boy why he was crying, and he said a brick hit his mom and she died.
They took care of the boy, and saw a woman crying. The pilot again asked, ‘Woman, why are you crying?’ The woman answered, ‘A brick hit my baby and it died.’ They took care of the woman and moved on.
They came upon another young boy, but this time, the boy was laughing hysterically. The pilot did not understand why the boy would be laughing and asked him why. The boy then answered, ‘I'm laughing because I farted and blew up a building!’
71 Passing Play
The huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the football team.
‘Can you tackle?’ asked the coach.
‘Watch this,’ said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.
‘Wow,’ said the coach. ‘I’m impressed. Can you run?’
‘Of course I can run,’ said the freshman.
He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.
‘Great!’ enthused the coach. ‘But can you pass a football?’
The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. ‘Well, sir,’ he said ‘, if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it.’
72 Bill, Hill And Chelsea
One Sunday morning, Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and said, ‘Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in Georgetown and his name is Matt.’
After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. ‘Honey, I have to talk with you. Your Mother and I have been married a long time. She is a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, I have fooled around with other women a lot. Matt is actually your half-brother, and I are afraid you can't marry him.’
Chelsea was heartbroken, but after eight months she eventually started dating again.
A year later she came home and very proudly announced, ‘Robert asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June.’ Again her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. ‘Robert is your half-brother too, Honey. I'm awfully sorry about this.’
Chelsea was furious! She finally decided to go to her Mother and tell her. ‘Dad has done so much harm.
I guess I'm never going to get married,’ she complained. ‘Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the guy is my half-brother.’ Hillary just shook her head. Don't pay any attention to what he says dear. He's not really your father.’
73 Trade Rumours
Mike and George are dressing for the game in the locker room.
Mike looked incredibly nervous.
‘What's the matter?’ asked George. ‘Are you nervous about tonight's game?’
‘No, but I am scared,’ Mike said to George, ‘I got a letter from a guy on the team who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife.’
‘Well,’ replied George, ‘I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife.’
‘Easy for you to say.’
‘You like her that much?’ George said.
‘It's not that,’ declared Mike.
‘What then?’
‘He didn't sign his name.’
74 Gone Fishing
Four married guys went fishing.
After an hour, the following conversation took place:
First guy: ‘You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife I will paint every room in the house next weekend.’
Second guy: ‘That's nothing! I had to promise my wife I'll build her a new deck for the pool.’
Third guy: ‘Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I'll remodel the kitchen for her.’
They continued to fish, until they realized the fourth guy had not said a word. So they asked him.
‘You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?’
Fourth guy: ‘I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off the clock, gave the wife a nudge and said, ‘Fishing, or Sex,’ and she said, ‘Wear a sweater.’
75 The Three Ages Of Man
These are the three stages of a jock's mating rituals:
1. Tri-weekly
2. Try-weekly
3. Try-weakly
76 Valedictorian?
‘He's great on the court,’ a sportswriter said of a college basketball player in an interview with his coach.’ But how's his scholastic work?’
‘Why, he makes straight A's,’ replied the coach.
‘Wonderful!’ said the sportswriter.
‘Yes,’ agreed the coach, ‘but his B's are a little crooked.’
77 The Big Fight
Lennox Lewis and Michael Grant weighed in at a combined 497 pounds.
It is the largest fight (weight wise) in history since Rosanne and Tom Arnold's domestic dispute in 1991.
78 2 Guys And A Hole
Two guys were walking down a dirt road when they come upon a hole. They look in it and one said ‘Can you see the bottom?’ The other replies ‘Nope.’ So they start tossing rocks in it to hear how long it takes to hit the bottom. One turns to the other and says ‘We need something bigger.’ They find a cinderblock next to the road and drag it to the hole and chuck it in.
Suddenly there's a commotion behind them and they turn to see a Billy goat charging them. They jump out of the way just in time. The goat misses them and falls into the hole.
‘Did you see that crazy goat?’ one says.
‘Yeah, it tried to kill us.’
They see an old farmer on a tractor in the field and they run over and ask him if he owned a Billy goat.
‘Yes, boys, I sure do,’ he said.
‘Well, we're gonna sue you because that crazy goat of yours tried to kill us!’
‘Yeah. It came charging at us and tried to knock us in a hole!’
The old farmer frowned and said, ‘He charged at you?’
‘Don't sound like my goat, cuz my goat's real old and full of arthritis. Besides I keep him tied to a cinderblock.’
79 Retail-clothing store
A Manager of a retail-clothing store is reviewing a potential employee's application and notices that the man has never worked in retail before. He says to the man, ‘For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high wage.’
‘Well Sir,’ the applicant replies, ‘the work is so much harder when you don't know what you're doing!’
80 French Open
There once was a tennis player named Kournikova
For whom many hockey players fought over
There was Bure and Federov
But she was forced to call it off
Coz her mom said ‘You're 18, wait 'til you're older!’
81 Can I Borrow Your Dog?
A man is walking through his neighbourhood when he sees a very strange sight. Going down the road was a huge funeral procession. There were two hearses followed by a man and a pit bull, and then hundreds of male mourners.
The guy's curiosity gets the best of him, and he approaches the procession to find out what's going on. He walks up to the man with the dog and asks what's going on.'
‘In the first hearse is my wife.’
‘I'm sorry to hear that. Who's in the second hearse?’
‘That would be my mother in law.’
‘I'm sorry, but what happened?’
‘I was watching the hockey game and my wife tried to change the channel so this dog attacked her and killed her. Then my mother in law tried to stop the dog and it killed her too.’
‘That's incredible. Can I borrow the dog?’
‘Join the line.’
82 Rest In Peace
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said ‘Rest in Peace.’
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said. ‘Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ‘Congratulations on your new location.’
83 Sydney Pains
Olympic tickets went on sale at Ticket-master-like outlets but nobody showed up to buy them. The logic; why pay 250 dollars to see NBA stars battle it out with weak competition when you could easily pay 249 dollars and see them play each other.
84 Thanks For Nothing, Doc
Bob went to a psychiatrist.
‘Doc,’ he said, ‘I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under... You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!’
‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the shrink. ‘Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears.’
‘How much do you charge?’
‘A hundred dollars per visit.’
‘I'll sleep on it,’ said Bob.
Six months later the doctor met Bob on the street.
‘Why didn't you ever come to see me again?’ asked the psychiatrist.
‘For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars.’
‘Is that so! How?’
‘He told me to cut the legs off the bed!’
85 Emergency Flashers
A car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway. He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trench coats.
The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. This results in one of the worst pile-ups in history.
When questioned by police as to why he put two deviants along the side of the road, the man replied, ‘I broke down and was just using my emergency flashers!’
86 Title Nine
A man and a woman are sitting at a bar having a friendly chat about sports. The man, a bit tipsy, decided to tell her his opinions of women and sports.
87 Drunk Test
A police officer pulls over a guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, ‘Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser tube.’
The man says, ‘Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack.’
‘Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.’
‘I can't do that either. I am a haemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death.’
‘Well, then, we need a urine sample.’
‘I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar.’
‘All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.’
‘I can't do that, officer.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I'm drunk.’
88 Excuses, Excuses
Two factory workers were talking during a break and one of them said, ‘Are you going to the basketball game at the Forum Sunday. It’s the big game; the Lakers are playing the Bulls.
‘Naw,’ said the other one, ‘my wife won't let me go.’
‘You are a fool. There's nothing to it.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, an hour before the game you simply pick her up, carry her to the bed, fling her on the bed, tear off her clothes, make love, and say ‘I'm going to the game.'‘
The following Monday, the two men met at work and the first one said, ‘What happened? I didn't see you at the game. Didn't you do what I suggested?’
The second man said, ‘I'll tell you what happened. An hour before the game, I picked up the wife, carried her to the bedroom and flung her on the bed.’
‘Yes?’
‘And then, just as I was pulling off her panties and opening my fly, I thought to myself, what the hell, the Knicks haven't been playing that well lately.’
89 Strike Three
One Day the Devil challenged God to a baseball game.
Smiling God proclaimed, ‘You don't have a chance, I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here.’
‘Yes,’ snickered the devil, ‘but I have all the umpires.’
90 Women And Baseball
‘You know why women can't play baseball?’
‘Because if they had to choose between catching a baby falling from the stands or the baseball they would choose the baby without even considering if there was a man on base.’
91 Agassi's Agony
Agassi, the number one player in the world was defeated 6-4, 6-4, which was his worst defeat since losing Brooke Shields in one set, 6-0.
92 They Me(An)T Well
After the Mets fell to the Yankees 4-1 in the World Series the Mets front office decided they needed to change their team slogan. It was ‘You gotta believe.’ Now the Mets think that it would be more accurate if it were changed to ‘You gotta make believe.’
93 Pop Quiz
Phil Jackson is getting worried about his team's recent poor form against the Blazers.
So Phil gives Mike Dunleavy a call and explains his problem. Mike is very understanding and invites Phil down to watch his team training. So Phil turns up in Portland and spends a day watching the Blazer players. At the end of the training session he says to Mike, ‘I still don't understand, we seem to do all the same things in training that you do, but you still beat us all the time.’
‘Ah’ says Mike, ‘I don't think its anything to do with the training. I think its because my players are more intelligent than yours. Well, We also train our boys in lateral thinking.’ To demonstrate his point he calls over Rasheed Wallace. ‘Rasheed, here's a problem for you. He's you father's son, but he's not your brother; who is he?’
‘That's easy. It's me.’
‘Correct’ says Dunleavy.
Phil is very impressed. He goes back to Los Angeles and next day in training he calls over Shaquile O'Neal.
‘Shaq, I've been talking to Mike Dunleavy and he reckons his players are more intelligent than ours.’
‘That's nonsense, Boss.’
‘OK,’ says Phil, ‘I've got a question for you. He's your father's son, but he's not your brother. Who is he?’
Shaq looks blank and replies ‘I need some time to think about this one boss, can I tell you tomorrow?’
Shaq goes home thinking about the problem. He decides to give Kobe Bryant a call.
‘Hello Kobe, its Shaq. I've got a question for you. He's your father's son, but he's not your brother. Who is he?’
‘That's easy’, says Kobe, ‘It's me.’
So Shaq calls over Phil the next day in training and says ‘Morning Boss, I've got the answer to that question’
‘OK. What is it?’ asks Phil.
‘It's Kobe Bryant’ replies the confident Shaq.
‘You stupid idiot’ shouts Phil, ‘It's NOT Kobe... It's Rasheed Wallace!’
94 Tackle Box
A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, ‘Something has just come up. I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime.
We leave right away, so, pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pyjamas.
I'll be home in an hour to pick them up.’
He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.
A week later he returns. His wife asks, ‘Did you have a good trip?’
He says, ‘Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pyjamas.’
The wife responds in an angry tone, ‘Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box.’
95 Tackle Shop
One day, this woman went to a bait shop to get her husband a fishing reel for his birthday. After selecting one, she inquired as to its cost.
The owner replied, ‘I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm blind and cannot see what reel you have. If you drop it on the floor, I'll recognize it and be of more help.’
So she did just that. After hearing it hit the floor, the owner said, ‘That's the Johnson Model 9400. It'll be $40.00.’
The woman decided to take it so she went to pick it up off the floor.
Upon bending over, she let out squeaky fart. The owner rang up the sale and said, ‘That'll be fifty dollars.’
‘Fifty dollars?!?!’ the woman exclaimed. ‘You just told me that is was forty dollars a moment ago!’
‘Yes, I did’, said the owner, ‘But that was for the reel.
The duck call is another $7.50 and the stink bait is $2.50.’
96 Chunks
This guy walks into a bar on Friday night. He sits down at the bar and tells the bartender, ‘Give me 15 shots of your strongest tequila lined up in a row.’
The bartender looked at him kinda funny but lined up 15 shots of tequila in a row.
The guy pays the bartender, shoots all fifteen down one after the other and walks out.
The next night the guy walks back into the bar and tells the bartender, ‘Give me 20 shots of your strongest tequila lined up in a row.’
The bartender lines up 20 shots.
The guy pays the bartender, shoots them down one after the other and walks out.
The next night the guy walks back into the bar. This time the bartender is already grabbing 25 shot glasses.
The guy sits down and says, ‘Give me a glass of water.’
The bartender says, ‘What happened to the tequila? We are up to 25 shots now.’
The guy replies, ‘Man, I went home last night and blew chunks.’
Bartender says, ‘Well when you drink that much that fast that type of thing is going to happen.’
The guy replies, ‘You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!’
97 The Math Expert
One of the world's most clever mathematicians was arrested by the police in an airport, for smuggling a bomb in his hand luggage.
The math expert says, ‘You don't understand! It's to make the plane safe!!’
One of the police officers asked, ‘What the heck do you mean by that crap?’
The math genius replied, ‘You see, the chances that a bomb is aboard the plane are extremely small, so the chance of two bombs being on the plane would be practically impossible.’
98 Phone Tag
There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising.
Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings.
A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
Man: ‘Hello?’
Her: ‘Honey, It's me.’
Man: ‘Sugar!’
Her: ‘Are you at the club?’
Man: ‘Yes.’
Her: ‘Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?’
Man: ‘What's the price?’
Her: ‘Only $1,500.00’
Man: ‘Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much...’
Her: ‘Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price .... And since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year...’
Man: ‘What price did he quote you?’
Her: ‘Only $60,000...’
Man: ‘OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.’
Her: ‘Great! before we hang up, something else...’
Man: ‘What?’
Her: ‘It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and... I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year .. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property...’
Man: ‘How much are they asking?’
Her: ‘Only $450,000... A magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover...’
Man: ‘Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?’
Her: ‘OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!’
Man: ‘Bye... I do too...’
The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present:
‘Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?’
99 Dope
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the Judge. The Judge said, ‘You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday.’
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the Judge said to the first one, ‘How did you do over the weekend?’
‘Well, your honour, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.’
‘Seventeen people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?’
‘I used a diagram, your honour. I drew two circles like this and told them this big circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs.’
‘That's admirable,’ said the Judge. ‘And you, how did you do?’ the Judge asked the second guy.
‘Well, your honour, I persuaded 150 people to give up drugs forever.’
‘One-hundred-fifty people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?’
‘Well, I used a similar approach. I also used the diagram with circles, but I said, ‘This small circle is your asshole before prison....’
100 A Good Huntin' Dawg
A man had a hunting dog for sale for an unusual amount of money.
Another man interested in buying the dog asked him why he wanted so much. They took the dog to the woods.
The owner told the dog to go hunt. The dog took off into the woods and came back in a couple of minutes and scratched his foot on the ground four times.
The hunters went into the woods and killed four rabbits and could not find anymore.
The owner said you could hunt the woods all day and could not find any more than four rabbits.
The buyer was impressed and bought the dog. The new owner took the dog hunting the next weekend and told the dog to go find the rabbits. The dog took off into the woods and stayed gone for almost thirty minutes. When the dog returned he was hunching on his leg and scratching the ground and shacking a stick in his mouth.
The guy thought the dog went crazy and shot him. About two weeks later he seen the previous owner and told him what happened.
The owner told him he was trying to tell you there was more rabbits in the woods than you could shake a stick at.
101 Wedding Gift
Did you hear about the football coach that got married?
He thought he was getting a tight end, but wound up with a wide receiver!
102 The Excuse
A 55 year old man bought a new BMW, and while out driving around one day, began to feel the awesome power and speed of the car. Before he realized it, he was doing 90 mph and lights begin to flash in his rear view mirror.
The man floored it, thinking the cop would never keep up. Soon he was doing 150 mph. Just then he realized that the cop could easily call for back up and block the road ahead, so he decided to pull over.
As you can imagine, the cop was fuming. He told the man, ‘Look, it's Friday and I'm at the end of my shift. If you can give me a good excuse that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.’
The man thought for a moment and responded to the cop.
‘OK. Look. A couple of weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer, and when I saw the lights, I thought it was him trying to return her,’
103 Identity Crisis
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So they don't get mistaken for feminists.
104 Answering Prayers
Three old football fans are in a church, praying for their teams.
The first one asks, ‘Oh Lord, when will the 49ers next win the Super Bowl?’
God Replies, ‘In the next five years’
‘But I'll be dead by then’, says the man.
The second one asks, ‘Oh Lord, when will the Packers next win the Super Bowl?.’
The Lord answers ‘In the next ten years.’
‘But I'll be dead by then’, says the man.
The third one asks, ‘Oh Lord, when will the Buffalo Bills win the Super Bowl?’
God Answers, ‘I'll be dead by then!’
105 Gorilla In Heat
A small West Virginia Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very horny, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian diagnosed the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available. While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part time, redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages.
Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition; would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500? Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions. ‘First,’ he said. ‘I don't want to have to kiss her. Second, you must never tell anyone about this.’ The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition. ‘Well,’ said Ed, ‘you've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks.’
106 Is God A Yankee Fan?
This Mets supporter is at the World Series when he has a heart attack. Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates, he meets up with Saint Peter, who asks him why he thinks he deserves to enter Heaven.
‘Well,’ the fan says, ‘three weeks ago I gave ten dollars to a charity for the disabled!’
Saint Peter frowns and says, ‘What else?’
‘Two weeks ago I gave ten dollars to the homeless shelter!’ the fan continues.
‘What else?’
‘A week ago I gave ten dollars to the orphanage!’
So Peter tells the fan to wait for just a minute and he'll be right back. About five minutes later Peter returns and says, ‘Well, I have discussed your case with the Boss, and he agrees with me. Here's your thirty dollars back, now go to Hell!’
107 Luck Of The Irish
Late one Friday night after a big soccer game the policemen spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
‘Aye, so I have. The team won, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called ‘Happy Hour’ and they served these margaritas, which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later..’
And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, ‘Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a Breathalyser test.’
The man said, ‘Why? Don't ye believe me?!?’
108 ‘Made In Japan’
[[[ Don’t tell this one because I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE PUNCHLINE IS]]]
There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport.
During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, ‘Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!’
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!’
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!’
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars.
Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.
The Japanese exclaimed, ‘Wahhh..... So expensive!’
Thereupon, the driver yelled back, ‘ [[[I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE PUNCHLINE IS]]]
109 House on the Hill
It's the year 2032, and Joe Torre is standing before the pearly gates. His only regret in life was Roger Clemens disgusting display at game 2 of the Subway Series back in the year 2000. God greets Joe and offers a personal tour of Heaven.
After showing Joe the green forests, sparkling lakes, and plush meadows of Heaven, God brings him to a small, ramshackle house by the side of a dirt road. The house has a Yankees banner in the upstairs window.
‘This will be your house, Joe’ God says.
Joe is a little disappointed in his accommodations, and God, noticing his dismay, says, ‘Joe, you know most people in Heaven don't get a house at all, but since you were a famous baseball manager, and your sister served me in such an unselfish way, you do.’
Joe feels a little better, but then he looks up the road, and at the top of the hill is a gorgeous orange and blue mansion, surrounded by huge green lawns and palm trees. There are expensive sports cars in the driveway, and dozens of well dressed people sipping martinis by the pool.
At the top of this incredible mansion is a huge Mets flag atop a gold pole.
Joe says ‘God, I don't want to sound unappreciative, but why is it that Bobby Valentine's house is so much nicer than mine?’
‘That's not Bobby Valentine's house,’ says God, ‘that's my house.’
110 A Dead-Tired Heat
After an evening of electoral volleying, the decision came down to one state. Florida, known for it's sunny beaches populated with bikini-clad beauties and floating refugees, possessed the 25 electoral votes needed to push either candidate over the top.
Senior citizens were an important factor in this state, appearing at voting booths no later than 3 o'clock in hopes of getting an early bird voting special. According to the most recent polls, many of them voted for Gore, believing that he came with a side of cole- slaw.
Believing the results were all in, Gore telephoned Governor Bush early on wed morning to congratulate him on his victory. The call was said to last twenty minutes, 18 of which Gore spent begging Bush to take him off speakerphone.
Unfortunately, the media had a topsy-turvy evening, jumping the gun when they declared that Bush had won Florida -- an action that caused many Floridians to swim back to Cuba.
111 Would You Remarry?
‘Darling,’ a husband whispered to his wife late one night, ‘if I died, would you get married again?’
‘I suppose so,’ she replied.
‘Would you sleep in the same bed with him?’
‘Well, it's the only bed in the house, so I have no choice.’
‘Would you make love to him?’
‘Honey,’ the woman said patiently, ‘he would be my husband.’
‘Would you give him my car?’
‘No,’ she yawned, ‘He can't drive a stick shift.’
112 Sure Bet
This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. Smack!
‘Ouch! What was that for?’
‘What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it?’
‘Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races?
Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on.’
‘Oh,’ she says and goes about doing her housework, apparently happy with his answer.
Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading, when - WHACK! - His wife again hits him over the head with a frying pan again.
‘What the heck was that for this time?’
‘Your horse phoned.’
113 Yankee Man
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
‘Holy cow, Mister,’ one of them said after catching his breath. ‘You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?’
‘Those fools!’ the old man grumbled. ‘They misspelled my name!’
114 Dog Poker
A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed that three men and a dog were playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an extraordinary performance. ‘This is a very smart dog,’ the man commented.
‘He's not so smart,’ said one of the irked players. ‘Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.’
115 Some Things You Just Can't Explain
A farmer was sitting in the neighbourhood bar getting drunk.
A man came in and asked the farmer, ‘Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?’
The farmer shook his head and replied, ‘Some things you just can't explain.’
‘So what happened that's so horrible?’ the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
‘Well,’ the farmer said, ‘today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.’
‘Okay,’ said the man, ‘but that's not so bad.’
‘Some things you just can't explain,’ the farmer replied.
‘So what happened then?’ the man asked.
The farmer said, ‘I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.’
‘And then?’
‘Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.’
The man laughed and said, ‘Again?’
The farmer replied, ‘Some things you just can't explain.’
‘So, what did you do then?’ the man asked.
‘I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.’
‘And then?’
‘Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.’
‘Hmmm,’ the man said and nodded his head.
‘Some things you just can't explain,’ the farmer said.
‘So, what did you do?’ the man asked.
‘Well,’ the farmer said, ‘I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. At that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in...
116 The Grounded Conductor
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, ‘What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?’
Tom says, ‘I would switch one train to another track.’
‘What if the lever broke?’ asks the inspector.
‘I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever,’ answers Tom.
‘What if that had been struck by lightning?’ challenges the inspector.
‘Then,’ Tom continues, ‘I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.’
‘What if the phone was busy?’
‘In that case,’ Tom argues, ‘I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station.’
‘What if that had been vandalized?’
‘Oh, well,’ says Tom, ‘in that case I'd run into town and get my Uncle Leo.’
This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, ‘Why would you do that?’
‘Because he's never seen a train crash!’
117 Overtime
The Philadelphia Flyers and the Pittsburgh Penguins gave the crowd their money's worth in a five-overtime game Thursday. It was the third longest game in playoff history, and the most thrills the state of Pennsylvania has had since the Great Amish Butter Churn Contest of 1928.
118 Preakness
The second leg of the Triple Crown Challenge will be run this weekend in Maryland. The payoff for the favourite Fusiachi Pegasus is so low that bums who bet on the races for their drinking money will have to settle for Hooch instead of the a celebration bottle of Miller Lite.
119 Bullish Behaviour
Two bull riders are talking at a shop. ‘The bull I was training on can't ride for a while.’
‘Why not?’
‘He was suffering from impotency, and the vet put him on some medicine.’
‘My bull had the same problem. What medicine was it?’
‘I don't know, but it tasted like chocolate.’
120 Yukon Territory
An elderly man went into a grocery store and asked the salesman for a half a head of lettuce.
The young man walked into the back and told the manager, saying, ‘hey, some jerk wants to buy half a head of lettuce,’
Turning he found the old gentlemen had followed him. Swiftly recovering he said, ‘This nice man wants to buy the other half.’
The manager told the young man, ‘I could use a smart fellow like you in my Canadian store.’
The smart ass replied, ‘aint nothing in Canada but hookers and hockey players.
The manager replied, ‘Oh yeah? MY wife is from Canada.’
‘Well what team does she play for?’
121 Ice Breakers
At the end of the college year, a star football player celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending a late night campus party.
Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful co-ed and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met many dates at parties.
‘Oh, I have a 3.8, so I'm much more attracted to the strong academic types than to dumb party animals,’ she said. ‘What’s your G. P. A.?’
Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, ‘I get about 25 in the city and 40 on the highway.’
122 Pacer Makers
The Indiana Pacers squeaked by the eighth seeded Bucks 96-95 on Thursday. Coach Larry Bird said he had gotten advice from former coach Bob Knight, who had told him before the game, ‘don't choke.’
123 Post Game Discussion
Two Giants fans were standing at a bar. The one fan said to the other, ‘You know, the Ravens might have won the Super Bowl, but Baltimore fans are such a**holes!’
A man walked up to them and with a mad look on his face said, ‘I find that statement offensive!’
One of the Giants fans replied, ‘Oh, you must be a Ravens fan.’
‘No’ the man said, ‘I'm an a**hole!’
124 Marv Albert Theme Song
(to the tune of ‘Walking in a Winter Wonderland’)
Lacey things, they're so thrillin'!
Men don't know that they're missin.’
To dress in their clothes,
their silk pantyhose,
Walkin' in a woman's underwear.
In the store there's a teddy –
Little straps, like spaghetti!
It fits me so tight,
like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.
In the office, there's a guy named Melvin.
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He says, ‘Are you ready?’ I say, ‘Whoa, man!
Let's wait until the wife is out of town!’
Late at night, we'll go to the hotel room,
Oral sex with no one looking on,
I'll say, ‘Can I bite you, you're a bad girl!
You'll like it when the cabbie brings the John!’
Later on, if we wanna,
We can dress like Madonna!
We'll put on our shades, and join the parade,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!
125 Bob Knight Again?
Well, sports fans before you say enough is enough, check out the latest release from the marred Indiana coach. That's right it's the Bob Knight How to be an Effective Speaker tape set. Whether you are starting off as a Little League baseball coach, or you are a seasoned trash talker these tapes will help you learn the right combination of four-letter words to help intimidate, disgrace, and hurt your players. Learn how to offend the media. Learn how to say racist slurs and then cover them up. And if you buy now get the bonus tape ‘How to throw inanimate objects to get your way.’ These tapes aren't just for the playing field. Oh no, now just walk right into your boss' office and tell him to go f*** himself and you'll have that raise you always dreamed of.
126 The Man Who Loved Beans
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day, he met a girl and fell in love.
When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to him, ‘She'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this’ so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he telephoned his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk.
On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he thought he would walk off any ill effects before he got home.
So he went in and ordered three extra large helpings of beans.
All the way home he farted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, ‘Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!’
She put a blindfold on him and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another fart coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity.
He shifted his weight to one leg and let go.
It was not only loud, but also ripe as a rotten egg.
He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.
He had just started to feel better when another urge came on. He raised his leg and let rip!
It sounded like a diesel engine revving and smelled worse. To keep himself from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate.
Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go.
This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next 10 minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.
Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologising for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, ‘SURPRISE!’ To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
127 A Fart Story
A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally said, if you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out.
Being a butcher, the wife decided to put pig scraps in his pants so he would wake up, and not do it anymore. She put the scraps in his pants that night.
He woke up in the morning and went across the hall to the bathroom.
Two long hours later, he came out and stated, honey, you were right about me farting my guts out BUT WITH THE GRACE OF THE DEAR LORD AND THESE TWO FINGERS. I GOT THEM BACK IN THERE.
128 Part Time Job
A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. ‘Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300.’
‘Easy, Dad,’ the boy replied. ‘I earned it hiking.’
‘Come on,’ the father said. ‘Tell me the truth.’
‘That is the truth,’ the boy replied. ‘Every night you were gone, Mr Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!’
129 Grandmother’s Coffee
One morning, a grandmother was surprised to find that her 7-year-old grandson had made her coffee! Smiling, she choked down the worst cup of her life. When she finished, she found three little green Army men at the bottom. Puzzled, she asked, ‘Honey, what are these Army men doing in my coffee?’
Her grandson answered, ‘Like is says on TV, Grandma -- 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'‘
130 Poacher
Stranger: ‘Catch any fish?’
Fisherman: ‘Did I! I took 30 out of this stream this morning!’
Stranger: ‘Do you know who I am? I'm the game warden!’
Fisherman: ‘Do you know who I am? I'm the biggest liar in the county!’
131 Where's My Rolex???!!!!!
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
‘Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!’, he whined.
‘You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!’ retorted the officer, ‘You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!’
‘Oh my gaaad....’, replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, ‘Where's my Rolex?’
132 The Email
A married couple was planning to go on vacation in Key West, Florida. The man went down first, while the wife was finishing up a business meeting in New York City. The husband arrived and decided to email his wife to tell her he arrived in Key West.
After he typed his message, he accidentally typed in the wrong email address. The email went to a woman who was grieving over her recently deceased husband. The grieving woman checked her email, read the man’s letter, then passed out cold. Her daughter came in and looked at the computer screen. It read:
Honey, This is your husband. I just wanted to tell you I got here OK, and I have all your bags checked in and ready for you to get here tonight so we can be together.
P. S. It sure is hot down here.
133 A Lion
A lion, sleeping in the jungle, is woken by the sound of loud laughter. Rousing himself, he goes to investigate and, behind a batch of trees, finds a group of elephants roaring with delight.
‘What's going on?’ asks the lion.
Tears rolling down his face, the nearest elephant replies, ‘We're fucking monkeys!’ .
‘Big deal’, says the lion. ‘I’ve done that hundreds of times. I've never had this kind of reaction!’ .
‘Well,’ says the elephant, ‘they don't explode when YOU fuck 'em!’
134 A Pirate's Tale
A sailor meets a pirate in a bar. The pirate has a peg leg, a hook and an eye patch.
‘How'd you end up with a peg leg?’ asks the sailor.
‘I was swept overboard in a storm,’ says the pirate. ‘A shark bit off me whole leg.’
‘Wow!’ said the sailor. ‘What about the hook?’
‘We were boarding an enemy ship, battling the other seamen with swords. One of them cut me hand clean off.’
‘Incredible!’ remarked the sailor. ‘And the eye patch?’
‘A seagull dropping fell in me eye,’ replied the pirate.
‘You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?’ the sailor asked incredulously.
Said the pirate, ‘It was me first day with the hook.’
135 My Father... Speedy
My father always loved fast cars. Taking advantage of the empty roads one morning, he accelerated down a wide-open stretch.
Unfortunately, a young police officer was waiting at the other end, and Dad was flagged down. He greeted the officer with a cheery, ‘Good morning.’
‘And a good morning to you, Wing Commander,’ replied the officer. ‘Having trouble taking off?’
136 Two Confirmed Bachelors
Two confirmed bachelors were sitting and talking. Their conversation drifted from sports to cooking.
‘I got a cookbook once,’ said the first, ‘but I could never do anything with it.’
‘Too much fancy cooking in it?’ asked the second.
‘You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way, 'Take a clean dish and...'‘
137 Chicken Goes To The Library
A chicken goes into a library and says, ‘Bok,’ so the librarian gives it a book. Ten minutes later the same chicken comes in again and says, ‘Bok bok.’ The librarian gives the chicken two books, but being a bit curious, follows the chicken down the road where the chicken meets a frog. The frog says to the chicken, ‘Redit, redit!’
138 Women and Men
An English professor wrote the words, ‘woman without her man is nothing’ on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: ‘Woman, without her man, is nothing.’
The women wrote: ‘Woman! Without her, man is nothing.’
139 Poetry Contest
It was the finals in a poetry contest. The two finalists were a Yale graduate and a redneck. The final contest was for them to make a poem in 2 minutes containing a word that would be given to them by the judges.
The word was ‘TIMBUKTU.’
The Yale graduate was the first to give his poem:
Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels two by two,
Destination Timbuktu.
The audience went wild. They thought the redneck would never stand a chance against him-a YALE graduate. Nevertheless, the redneck stood up and gave his poem:
Me and Tim a hunting went,
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They were three and we were two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu.
The redneck won hands down.
140 Dumb Quotes
Saints RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: ‘I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.’
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: ‘I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.’
Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements: ‘I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school.’
141 A New Aesop's Fable
Mr. Rabbit was walking down the road when he spotted a crow at the tip top of a very tall tree. He shouted, ‘Good Morning, Mr. Crow.’ Mr. Crow shouted back down, ‘Good Morning Mr. Rabbit.’
Mr. Rabbit shouted up, ‘Whatcha doin' today?’ and the answer shouted back down was, ‘Absolutely nothin' Mr. Rabbit - Absolutely nothin' and loving it.’
Well, that sounded pretty good to Mr. Rabbit, so he shouted back up, ‘Do you think I could do that too?’ Mr. Crow shouted back down, ‘I don’t see why not!’ So, Mr. Rabbit lay down on the side of the road and began Doing Absolutely Nothing.
In 30 minutes a fox came along and ate him.
The moral of the story is: You can get away with Doing Absolutely Nothing, but only if you are really high up.
142 City Slickers
An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink.
As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.
After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him ‘are you a real cowboy?’
To which he replied, Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences, I guess I am.’
After a short while he asked her what she was.
She replied, ‘I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women.’
A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.
A couple sat down next to him and asked, ‘Are you a real cowboy?’
‘I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.’
143 The Texan Cowboy
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.
‘WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?’ he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
‘ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINNISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!’
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse is back! He saddles-up and starts to ride out of town.
The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, ‘Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?’
The cowboy turned back and said, ‘I had to walk home.’
144 Gay Ranch Hand
There once was a successful rancher who died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch and make a go of it, but she knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two men applied for the job.
One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He turned out to be fantastic worker, worked long hard hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing really well. Then one day the rancher's wife said to the hired hand, ‘You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great, you should go into town and kick up your heels.’
The hired hand agreed readily, and Saturday night went to town.
However: One o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and still no hired hand. Two-thirty, finally, in came the hired hand.
The rancher's wife was sitting by the fireplace and quietly called him over to her.
‘Unbutton my blouse and take it off,’ she said.
Trembling, he did as she asked.
‘Now take off my boots.’
He did so, slowly.
‘Now take off my socks.’
He did.
‘Now take off my skirt.’
He did.
‘Now take off my bra.’
Again with trembling hands he did as she asked
‘Now,’ she said, ‘take off my panties.’
He slowly pulled them down.
Then she looked at him and said, ‘Don't you ever wear my clothes to town again.’
145 The Fairy Godmother
As an elderly lady sat on her front porch reflecting on her long life, A Fairy Godmother suddenly appeared and offered to fulfil 3 Wishes for her.
‘Well,’ said the woman, ‘I guess I'd like to be Rich.’ POOF: The Fairy Godmother turned her rocking chair into solid Gold.
‘And I wouldn't mind being a Young and Beautiful Princess.’ POOF: The Fairy Godmother turned the old woman into an exquisite Young Princess. With a priceless Crown of Jewels.
‘Your Third Wish?’ asked the Fairy Godmother. The elderly woman's Dog raised his head and uttered a single, weak hoarse ‘woof.’
‘Could you possibly turn my wonderful Dog into a Handsome Prince?’ POOF: There, in front of the Old Woman, who has now turned into a Beautiful Princess, stood the most Handsome Young Man anyone had ever seen. More handsome than anyone could possibly imagine.
She stared at him in awe, completely smitten. As he came toward her, her knees weakened. He bent down, brushing his lips across her ear as he whispered, ‘I'll bet you're sorry you had me neutered.’
146 NBA Finals
Who has the best shooting game in Los Angeles?
The fans after a victory.
147 Observation
A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting. ‘You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear.’
At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then licks it.
He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes of silence, they follow suit. ‘The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index.’
148 Jock Jams
Two guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all of the equipment; the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car and even a cabin in the woods of Maine. They spend a fortune.
Then they drive eight hours to Maine.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they are driving home they are really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, ‘Do you realize that this one lousy fish cost us fifteen hundred dollars?’
The second guy says.
‘Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!’
149 I say, I say
Q: I say, I say, what is a man's idea of protected sex?
A: A padded headboard.
150 Two Hundred Bucks
Dave goes over to his best friend's house, rings the doorbell, and the wife answers.
‘Hi, Nora, is Tony home?’
‘No, he went to the store.’
‘Well, do you mind if I wait?’
‘No, come on in.’ They both have a seat in the kitchen. ‘You know, Nora, you have the greatest tits I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one.’
Nora thinks for a second and finally figures, what the hell, it's for a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows Dave one of her breasts. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and finally Dave says, ‘Nora, your tits are so beautiful... I've gotta see the two of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I can see them both.’
Nora thinks it over briefly and again figures, what the hell, a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and gives Dave a good, long look. He thanks her and then throws another hundred bucks on the
table.
Another ten minutes passes by... Dave can't wait around any longer, so he leaves.
A while later, Tony arrives home and his wife says ‘Your weird friend, Dave, came over this afternoon.’
Replies Tony, ‘Did he drop off the two hundred bucks he owes me?’
151 Dance Fever
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner.
‘Where did you find this duck, it's incredible?’ the owner asked.
‘Well I took my daughter duck hunting one time and she couldn't bear to see me shoot it, so we brought it home as a pet.’
After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, ‘Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!’
‘So?’ asked the ducks' former owner, ‘did you remember to light the candle under the pot?’
152 The Bush Dance
Want to see something funny?? See The Bush Dance.
Watch him move while you make him groove!
153 True Law
After starting her own business, an investment counsellor found she was doing so well, she needed to get in-house counsel. So she began interviewing young lawyers.
‘In this business,’ she stated to one of her first applicants, ‘our personal integrity must be beyond question. Do you consider yourself an honest lawyer, Mr. Ford?’
‘I certainly do!’ replied the lawyer. ‘I’m so honest that after my father loaned me fifteen thousand dollars for my education, I paid back every penny after my very first case.’
The investment counsellor was impressed. ‘What sort of case was it?’ she asked.
The lawyer pressed his lips tightly for a moment before finally answering, ‘He sued me for the money.’
154 Little Old Lady
A young man was walking through a super market to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him.
‘Pardon me,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who died recently.’
‘I'm very sorry,’ replied the young man ‘is there anything I can do for you?’
‘Yes,’ she said, ‘as I'm leaving, would you say 'Goodbye, mother?' It would make me feel so much better.’
‘Sure,’ answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out,’ Goodbye, Mother!’ Then, as he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.00.’How can that be?’ he asked. ‘I only purchased a few things!’
The clerk replied, ‘Your mother said you'd pay for her.’
155 The Chemists
A guy walks into a drugstore and asks the girl behind the counter for a package of condoms.
‘What size?’ she asks.
The guy doesn't know. The girl says, ‘Okay. I'll measure you.’
She takes out a ruler, measure's the guy's penis and calls out, ‘Size large in aisle three!’
Another guy comes in and asks for a package of condoms.
‘What size?’ the girls asks. The guy doesn't know, so she measures him too, and then calls out, ‘Size medium in aisle two!’
A fifteen-year-old boy comes in and sheepishly asks for a package of condoms.
‘What size?’ the girls asks.
‘Uh ... I ... I don't, uh ... I don't know,’ the kid says, embarrassed.
The girl starts measuring his cock, then gets a really disgusted look on her face. She yells out, ‘Cleanup in aisle one!’
156 A Bear Joke
A guy goes hunting in the woods. He sees a bear and shoots his gun. He runs over but can't find the bear. Suddenly the bear taps him on the shoulder and gives the guy a choice: 1) either the bear eats him or 2) he gives the bear a blowjob. The guy decides to live and gives the bear a blowjob.
The next day, the guy comes back with a bigger gun, but misses the bear once more. And again, he has to give the bear a blowjob.
He decides to come back a third time with a fucking bazooka but still misses. This time the bear taps him on the shoulder and says, ‘Surely you don't come down here for hunting?’
157 The Kuwaiti
A man in Kuwait was thrilled he was finally getting married. He was going to marry his seventeen-year old bride. Then about one week later the honeymoon was suddenly over.
Many friends who visited him found him pale, complaining of incredible pain in his back and total exhaustion. He was dizzy and disoriented, he collapsed in his living room and had to be carried on the shoulders of his friends to the ambulance.
The doctors had no clue what was wrong with him until they discovered one crucial fact. His nubile wife and he had been having sex six times a day!
158 Doc, Help!
The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.
‘Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes,’ answered the patient. ‘You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?’
The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, ‘Pay me in advance.’
159 Mr. Goldstein
An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.
‘Yes, Nurse Tracy,’ said Mr. Goldstein, ‘My penis died today.’
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she says to Mr. Goldstein, ‘please accept my condolences.’
The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his penis hanging out of his pyjamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.
‘Mr. Goldstein,’ she said, ‘I thought you told me your penis had died?’
‘It did,’ he replied. ‘Today’s the viewing.’
160 My Wife...
A man complains to a friend, ‘I can't take it anymore.’
‘What's wrong?’ his concerned friend asks.
‘It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!’
‘You mean hysterical,’ his friend said, chuckling.
‘No, I mean HISTORICAL,’ the man insists.
‘Every argument we have, she'll go ..’ I still remember that time when you ...’
161 Monkey Business
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said ‘I wish you could talk.’
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
‘You can understand what I'm saying?’ asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
‘Well, did you see this?’
‘Yes,’ motioned the monkey.
‘What happened?’
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
‘They were drinking?’ asked the officer.
‘Yes.’
‘What else?’
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
‘They were smoking marijuana?’
‘Yes.’
‘What else?’
The monkey motioned ‘Screwing.’
‘They were screwing, too?’ asked the astounded officer.
‘Yes.’
‘Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they wrecked.’
‘Yes.’
‘What were you doing during all this?’
‘Driving’ motioned the monkey.
162 Heart Attack
A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience she sees God and ask if this is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live.
Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even has someone come in and change her hair colour. She figures that since she's got another 30 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.
She arrives in front of God and complains: ‘I thought you said I had another 30 years.
God replies, ‘I didn't recognize you.’
163 Dietary Supplement
Mike Tyson was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
‘I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you will have lost at least five pounds.’
When Mike Tyson returned, he shocked the doctor by losing nearly twenty pounds.
‘Why, that's amazing!’ the doctor said. ‘Did you follow my instructions?’
Mike Tyson nodded and said, ‘I'll tell you though, Doc, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.’
‘From hunger, you mean?’ asked the doctor.
To which Tyson answered, ‘No, Doc, from skipping.’
164 Lunch Hour
An Auburn, Tennessee and an Alabama student were all having lunch together on a bridge outside Birmingham. The Auburn student opens his lunch box and says, ‘A hotdog again! If I have to eat one more hotdog I'm going to jump off this bridge!’
The Tennessee student then opens his lunch box and exclaims, ‘Salad again! If I have to eat salad one more time I'm going to jump too!’
Lastly the Alabama student opens his lunchbox and complains, ‘Peanut butter and jelly! If I get peanut butter and jelly one more time I'm going to end it all too!’
The next day the Auburn student finds another hotdog and jumps...
The Tennessee student got salad again and threw himself off the bridge too...
Finally the Alabama student finds peanut butter and jelly again and jumps to his demise as well.
Later when the three mothers were grieving the Auburn mother cries, ‘If I had only known he didn't like hotdogs,’
The Tennessee mother cried, ‘I thought salad was good for him.’
The Alabama mother then exclaimed, ‘I don't understand... He fixed his own lunch!’
165 The Gore Halloween Party
Al Gore and his wife, Tipper, were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. His wife got a terrible headache and told Al to go to the party alone. Al, being a devoted husband, protested, but his wife argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So Al took his costume and away he went.
His wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Since Al did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching Al to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted Al cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him, and being a rather seductive babe herself, Al left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let Al go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally Al whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation Al would make for his behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when Al came in and asked what kind of a time he had. Al said, ‘Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.’
Then she asked, ‘Did you dance much?’
Al replied, ‘I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Larry Flint, Janet Reno, and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... I loaned my costume to Bill and he told me he had a great time!’
166 Staking A Claim
As part of their ‘ranch’ holiday, a guy takes his wife hunting.
When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says, ‘If you shoot a deer, be sure you don't let anybody else say he's the one who shot it. Otherwise, he'll take the deer from you.
The deer belongs to whoever shoots it.’
The guy goes to his own blind.
Ten minutes later, he hears his wife shooting from her blind nearby.
He rushes over and finds her pointing her rifle at a cowboy who's shouting,
‘OK, lady, OK! You can have the goddamn deer! Just lemme get my saddle off it!’
167 Where Are We
Two sperms are swimming really hard.
One asks, ‘Are we almost at the uterus?’
‘Nah,’ says the other, ‘we just passed the tonsils.’
168 Communication Breakdown
A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane.
After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing.
He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail.
Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going up! Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver yells, ‘Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?’
The other guy yells back, ‘No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?’
169 Arnold, Sly, and Van Damme
Excited about his new project concept, a movie producer had called together several big name draws to kick some ideas around.
The project, an action docu-drama about famous composers featured Stallone, Van Damme, and Schwartzenegger in leading roles.
The producers really wanted the box office 'oomph' of these three, and they were prepared to allow them to select what famous composers they would portray.
‘Well,’ started Stallone, ‘I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him.’
‘Chopin has always been my favourite,’ said Van Damme, I'll play him.’
Things were going well; the producers were pleased.
‘Sounds splendid. And who do you want to be, Arnold?’
‘I'll be Bach.’
170 Luke and Obi-Wan
Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Obi-Wan is deftly manipulating his chopsticks with the ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master.
Anyway, poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chop- sticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself. Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says, ‘Use the FORKS, Luke.’
171 Tickle Me Elmo
A woman went to apply for a job at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. She went to her interview, and an hour or so later she got the job. The manager congratulated her and told her to be at work at 8:00 sharp the next morning. The next morning she breezed in at 8:00 and started to work. After a couple of hours, a fellow worker rushed in to the manager’s office.
‘Sir, he said,’ the woman you just hired has set us back for days! I don't know what she's doing, but it's bad!’ The manager replied, ‘Well tomorrow we will observe her and see why she's taking so long.’
The next morning the manager and worker quickly hid so the woman would not see them. She immediately set to work to make the Elmo. She then took two more eyeballs and another piece of furry cloth and fiddled around with it and sewed it on the doll.
The manager started roaring with laughter. He went up to the woman still chuckling and said, ‘You misunderstood me when you got the job. You are supposed to give Elmo two test tickles.’
172 Accountancy
A company is interviewing applicants for an accountancy position, and the three finalists have been chosen.
The first one is called in, and asked, ‘What is two plus two?’
She answers, ‘Four,’ and is asked to leave.
The second finalist is called in, and asked the same question, ‘What is two plus two?’
He also answers, ‘Four,’ and is also asked to leave.
The third and final applicant is called in, and yet again asked, ‘What is two plus two?’
He answers, ‘What do you want it to be?’
He got the job.
173 The Notes
An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them could accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see their doctor to get some help.
Their doctor told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple liked the suggestion and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice. When they got home, the wife said, ‘Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?’
‘Nonsense,’ said the husband, ‘I can remember a dish of ice cream!’
‘Well,’ said the wife, ‘I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget.’
‘Don't be silly,’ replied the husband. ‘A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!’
‘OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget,’ said the wife.
‘Come now, my memory's not all that bad,’ said the husband. ‘No problem, a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream.’ With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans and making lots of noise. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs.
The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, ‘Hey, where's the toast?’
174 The Chihuahua
Don and Frank have walked their dogs along the same route every day for years but never talked. One day Don approached Frank and said, ‘You know, we see each other everyday but never talk.’
So Don and Frank became really good friends and came across a bar neither of them had ever been to before. There was a sign that stated ‘NO PETS ALLOWED SAVE SEEING-EYE DOGS.’ Frank said ‘Let's find another bar and go there.’ Don said ‘No, follow my lead and we can go here.’
Don put on dark sunglasses and walked into the bar. The Bartender questioned the greyhound seeing-eye dog, but Don said ‘Oh, greyhounds are very loving, loyal and smart’, and the bartender let him in. Frank followed suit, and when the bartender questioned the Chihuahua Frank simply stated,
‘They gave me a Chihuahua!’
175 Three Dogs...
Dogs in bars, always good
A Doberman, a Collie and a Chihuahua were sitting at a bar
A poodle comes up to the bar and says: whoever can use liver and cheese in a sentence I will marry!
The Doberman thinking he had a chance says:
I LIKE liver and cheese!!
The poodle was not impressed.
‘Oh please,’ said the poodle ‘you have to be able to do better than that!!’
The collie also thinking he had a chance, says:
I HATE liver and Cheese!!
The poodle sighed and said: That was original!
So the smart-ass Chihuahua pipes up, I can beat both of those sentences.
The poodle says: O. K. Give it your best shot.
So the Chihuahua says:
Liver alone Cheese mine
(leave her alone she is mine).
176 The New Pet
For a little girls birthday her parents decided to let her get a pet. So the next day she went to the pet store. She walks past the puppies. Glanced at the kittens. Took a look at the fish. Gawked at the lizards and snakes, to then decide she wanted a bird.
When all three got home they tried to think of a name for the new pet. Then, on the TV, came the dolphin show FLIPPER. The little girl excitedly ran up to her parents saying, ‘I know what to name the bird!’
‘Well what's the name?’ the parents asked.
‘Flipper!’ she shouted, ‘Flipper the bird!’
177 Invisible Opponent
It was the day of the big basketball game, Kentucky at Tennessee.20 minutes before game time, the Wildcats had not arrived at the stadium. The officials quickly got on the phone and found out that their plane had been delayed and the bus was stuck in traffic. An hour went by and the fans were getting impatient. Finally, the refs made the decision to start the game without the Kentucky team. Six minutes into the game the Wildcats arrived and the Volunteers had taken a 2-0 lead.
178 My Dad's Better Than Your Dad
Three boys were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honoured game of paternal one-upmanship. He said, ‘My dad's way faster than any of yours, he can throw a 90-mph fast ball from the pitcher's mound and run and catch it just after it crosses the plate!’
One of the other boys said, ‘Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot an arrow from his bow and run to the target and hold it up to make sure the arrow hits the bulls eye!’
The last boy said, ‘Your dads don't even come close to being faster than mine. My dad works for the government, and even though he works every day until 4:00 he gets home at 3:30!’
179 Breaking Up
Larry finally found the nerve to tell his fianc?that he had to break off their engagement so he could marry another woman.
‘Can she cook like I can?’ the distraught woman asked between sobs.
‘Not on her best day,’ he replied.
‘Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?’
‘No, she's broke.’
‘Well, then, is it sex?’
‘Nobody does it like you, babe.’
‘Then what can she do that I can't?’
’Sue me for child support.’
180 The Divorce Lawyer
The farmer went into a lawyer's office and said, ‘I want one of them there dayvorces.’
The lawyer said, ‘Do you have grounds?’
The farmer said, ‘Yes, I have 140 acres.’
The lawyer said, ‘No you don't understand. Do you have a case?’
The farmer said, ‘No, I have a John Deere.’
The lawyer said, ‘You still don't understand. Do you have a grudge?’
The farmer said, ‘Yes, that's what I park my John Deere under every night.’
The lawyer said, ‘You still don't understand. Do you have a suit?’
The farmer said, ‘Yes, I wear it to church every Sunday.’
The lawyer said, ‘Does she beat you up?’
The farmer said, ‘No, we both get up about 4:30 every morning.’
The lawyer said, ‘Is she a nagger?’
The farmer said, ‘No, she's a little ol' white gal, but the last youngen' she had was a nagger. That's why I want a dayvorce.’
181 Fortune Teller
During a recent publicity outing, Hillary Clinton went off to visit a fortune teller of some local reputation. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. As the mystic took her reading, she had a struck look on her face, looked up and said, ‘There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.’ Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's wrinkled face, then at the single flickering candle on the table. Looking aside for a moment, Hillary then looked back down to her wringing hands in her lap. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and consider her question; she just had to know. Hillary met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question: ‘Will I be acquitted?’
182 What Is It?
A teacher was working with her pupils, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. One day, she brought in rolls of Lifesavers of all flavours. ‘Children,’ she announced, passing out the Lifesavers, ‘I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these and tell me what flavour they are.’ The kids managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them the honey-flavoured Lifesavers, every one was stumped. ‘I'll give you a hint,’ said the teacher ‘It's something your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time .’ Instantly one of the kids nearly gagged and hollered, ‘Spit'em out, they're assholes!’
183 Night On The Town
Two football players are sitting in a dorm and talking about girls. One says to the other, ‘I never get lucky, I'm just too ugly...’
The other player says ‘No man, you just need to go to where I live. There girls don't care what you look like.’
So the ugly guy says, ‘Well lets go!’
They take the bus and get off in the friend's neighbourhood. They start walking down the street, and the ugly guy turns and sees this beautiful woman across the street, curling her finger towards herself and saying, ‘come here.’ The ugly guy turns toward his friend and says, ‘You were right. I'll meet up with you later, see ya!’
So he runs across the street and starts following the woman. She disappears for a brief moment around the bend of a building and then reappears signalling with her finger, ‘come here.’
He continues to follow after her. She disappears behind another building, then reappears once again... Still curling her finger, ‘come here.’ Finally, he sees her at the top of an apartment's stairs... One last time she curls her finger, ‘come here.’
He goes up the stairs and walks into the apartment which is pitch dark. He closes the door behind him, and suddenly the lights turn on. There he sees the woman pointing at three kids saying, ‘I told you if you were bad I was going to bring you the Boogie Man!’
184 Ice Fishing
Once upon a time long, long ago there was a season when neither the Packers nor the Vikings made the post season playoffs. It seemed so unusual that the management of both teams got together and decided that there should be some sort of competition between the two teams, because of their great rivalry. So, they decided on a week long ice fishing competition. The team that catches the most fish at the end of the week wins.
So on a cold northern Wisconsin lake they began their contest.
The first day after 8 hours of fishing the Vikings had caught 100 fish and the Packers had 0. At the end of the 2nd day the Vikings had caught 200 fish and the Packers 0.
That evening the Packers coach got his team together and said, ‘I suspect some kind of cheating is taking place.’
So the next morning he dressed one of his players in purple and gold and sent him over to the Viking camp to act as a spy. At the end of the day he came back to report to the coach. The coach asked ‘Well, how about it, are they cheating?’
‘They sure are!’ the player reported, ‘They're cutting holes in the ice.’
185 Animal Sounds
A group of football players were sitting in a circle with their teacher in their remedial learning class. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
‘Davy, what noise does a cow make?’
‘It goes moo.’
‘Jim, what noise does a cat make?’
‘It goes meow.’
‘Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?’
‘It goes baaa.’
‘Butch, what sound does a mouse make?’
‘Errr.., it goes.. Click!’
186 NFL Refs' Complaints
After shooting the blank gun to end the half, the players start shooting back with live ammunition.
Calling ‘heads or tails’ but never getting any...’head’ or ‘tail.’
Players get ‘the wave.’.. Refs get ‘the finger.’
Anyone who makes a call against the Bears risks pissing off their last remaining fan.
Just when we thought it was safe to be an NFL Ref, we have to go back to Cleveland.
Thanks to instant replay, picking nose during a game is twice as risky.
Everyone else gets to wear their Autumn colours, but for me it's black and white week after week after week!
Don King only bribes boxing Judges.
Official rule books not made in Braille.
I'm the one that everybody wants to kill, so where's MY helmet and pads?!
187 Happy Anniversary, Dear!
One day, a man went to a flower shop. He wanted to know what he should get his wife for their anniversary. The owner pulled out a bird and said, ‘His name's Chet. Light a match under his left leg and he sings Happy Anniversary. Light a match under his right leg and he sings Happy Birthday.’
Since the man wasn’t a very good shopper, he took it instead of flowers. He took it home to his wife, and she loved it. She lit a match under his left leg and he sang ‘Happy Anniversary.’ Then, she lit one under his right leg, and he started singing ‘Happy Birthday.’ She was so pleased, but then she wondered, ‘What would happen if I lit a match under both of his legs?’ So she did. Then, Chet started singing, ‘Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...’
188 Medical Emergency
Two hunters were out in the woods looking for a deer. One hunter saw one and fired his rifle. The deer scampered off, but the two hunters thought they had hit it because there was a blood trail.
They followed the blood trail and came upon a little rabbit, which had been accidentally hit.
‘What should we do? I can't bear to think that we killed an innocent, little rabbit,’ one hunter said.
The other hunter started looking through his backpack.
‘What are you looking for?’
‘I think that I might have something that could help. I'm not sure about it, but I'll give it a shot.’
The hunter pulled out an aerosol can and sprayed the dying rabbit. Nothing happened, so he sprayed it again. Once more nothing happened. He gave it one last shot and sprayed the rabbit.
Suddenly the rabbit jumped up and skipped off, but stopped 50 yards away, turned around and waved. He then hopped another 50 yards, stopped, and waved.
‘What the heck did you do to that rabbit?’ the hunter asked.
‘I just sprayed it with this, it's a hair restorer with permanent wave.’
189 Small Town Bar
So this guy walks into a bar. As he's sitting there drinking his beer, someone stands up and shouts, ‘27!’ and the entire bar bursts into hysterical laughter. A few moments later someone else stands up and yells, ‘16!’ Once again, the entire bar bursts into fits of laughter. Soon, a third man stands up and shouts, ‘6!’ Again, everyone in the bar laughs. The completely confused stranger walks up to the bartender and asks what all the laughing is about. The bartender replies, ‘See, we're such a small town that everyone knows everyone and all of their jokes. So to make life easier we catalogued all of our jokes. Now instead of telling the whole joke, we just shout out it's number and everyone knows what joke it is and we laugh.’ The stranger nods in agreement and sits down. After a few more people stand up and shout numbers, the man decides he wants to join in. He stands up and shouts, ‘17!’ Nobody laughs.
The bartender shakes his head and says, ‘Man, you just didn't tell it right!’
190 The Justice System -- The NFL's Off Season Camp
Apparently Ray Lewis lied to police about the incidents on the night of the Super Bowl. The said incidents have led to a murder charge against the NFL player. The police claim that some statements were inconsistent and false. Lewis claims that he did lie, but he is still innocent although he wanted to clarify that the murder weapon was in the glove compartment not the suitcase.
191 The Kiss Me Frog
There was a young man driving his car, when suddenly he saw a little frog sitting beside him. The frog began saying to the man ‘Kiss me, kiss me’! But the man didn't want to kiss a frog.
The little creature kept saying to the man ‘Kiss me, kiss me’ So at last, he accepted and kissed the frog. And guess what the frog turned into??
A very beautiful lady.
Now, the man began saying to the lady ‘Kiss me, kiss me.’.. But the lady didn't want to kiss the man. At last she accepted and kissed the man... And guess what the man turned into??
The next motel!!!!
192 The Priest
An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take all his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside.
‘Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me.’
At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed that he had only put $20,000 into the envelope because he needed $10,000 for a new baptistery.
Well, since we're confiding in each other,’ said the doctor, ‘I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000.’
The lawyer was aghast.
‘I'm ashamed of both of you,’ he exclaimed, ‘I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000.’
193 Help Me Doc
‘Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?’
‘Look, I can't prescribe...’
‘Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to hell!
You've got to help me.’
The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills.
‘Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental; the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE.’
‘I don't know, doc, she's awfully cold...’
‘One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?’
‘Um... Okay.’
The guy expresses gratitude and leaves for home, where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. The man hastily pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's coffee. He reflects for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill.
And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful.
Then inspiration strikes -- he drops one pill into his own coffee.
His wife returns with the shortcake and they enjoy their dessert and coffee. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look comes over her. In a near-whisper and a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she says, ‘I... Need... A man...’
His eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies, ‘Me... Too...’
194 A Computer Geek Joke
Two fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says to them, ‘Get out! We don't serve your type here.’
195 Sarah Was Reading A Newspaper
Sarah was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing.
‘Listen to this,’ she said, ‘there's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.’
‘Hmmm,’ her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Sarah said, ‘Would you swap me for a season ticket?’
‘Absolutely not,’ he said.
‘How sweet,’ Sarah said. ‘Tell me why not.’
‘Season's more than half over,’ he said.
196 The Preacher's Bike
Every Sunday, the town preacher rides his bike to church.
This particular day, a member of the church noticed that the preacher was walking.
He asked the preacher ‘Where's your bike?’
The preacher said, that ‘Someone stole it, it must have been one of the parishioners.’
‘Well,’ the member proceeded to tell him, ‘for next Sunday's sermon, preach on the Ten Commandments.
When you get to Thou shalt not steal, really stress on it and you'll get your bike back.’
The next week the same member saw the preacher riding his bike.
‘I see you have your bike back? Did you do what I told you about preaching on the Ten Commandments?
‘Yes’ replied the preacher.
‘Did you stress Thou shalt not steal?’ he asked.
‘No’ the preacher answered.
‘What happened?’ asked the member.
‘Well,’ said the preacher ‘when I got to Thou shalt not commit adultery, I remembered where I left it.’
197 Health Plans... HMO vs. PPO
The Queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
‘Oh my God’, said the Queen, ‘that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?’
The Doctor leading the tour explains; ‘I am sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen.
If he doesn't do that 5 times a day, they'll explode, and he would die instantly.’
‘Oh, I am sorry’, said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blowjob.
‘Oh my God’, said the Queen, ‘What's happening in there?’
The Doctor replied, ‘Same problem, better health plan.’
198 Getting Your Fill
Two West Virginia football coaches were driving down the road when they noticed they needed some gas. They started looking for a gas station when they saw a sign that read 'Free Sex with Fill up.'
They decided to pull in and told the attendant to, ‘fill 'er up.’ After he was done the attendant went to the window and said that it would be $18.00 for the gas.
They paid and as the attendant started to walk away the driver yelled ‘What about my free sex?’
The attendant rolled his eyes and went to the window and said, ‘OK, but you will have to guess a number between 1 and 10.’
The driver said, ‘6.’
The attendant said ‘No, the answer was 3, sorry.’
As the attendant started to walk off the passenger said, ‘Give me a try.’
The attendant said 'OK.' The passenger said, ‘7.’
And the attendant said ‘No, I told you the answer was 3.’
The driver then sped off and the passenger looked over and said, ‘I think that game was rigged, there is no way to win.’
The driver replied, ‘Uh, Uh, my wife won three times last week.’
199 The Blind Date
After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, ‘I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.’
‘Thank heavens,’ his date replied, ‘if yours hadn't, mine would have had to!’
200 My Best Feature
A young Internet entrepreneur named Brett leased an apartment and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. Poor Brett broke out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, ‘Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.’
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, ‘What would you say is my best feature?’
Flustered and embarrassed, Brett finally squeaked, ‘It's got to be your ears!’
Astounded and a little hurt she asked, ‘My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is firm and solid! Look at my skin--no blemishes anywhere! How can you feel that the best part of my body is my ears?’
Clearing his throat, Brett stammered, ‘Outside, when you said you heard someone coming... That was me.’
201 Lessons In Nursing
A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her hospitalised baseball player husband.
Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him.
As she sat by him, he said, ‘You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I had that hitting slump, you were there to support me. When my leg broke you were there. When I sent to the minors, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?’
‘What dear?’ she asks gently.
‘I think you bring me bad luck.’
202 The Chief Rabbi And The Pope
It's a little-known fact, but once a year there's a ceremonial meeting between the Chief Rabbi and the Pope, followed by a dinner. Every year since time immemorial they have carried out the Ceremony of the
Envelope. What happens is that the Chief Rabbi hands the Pope an envelope and the Pope hands it back unopened. Then they go eat.
This year as usual the Chief Rabbi, Dr. Jonathan Sacks, handed the envelope, by now somewhat tattered and dog-eared, to His Holiness as he and his predecessors had always done. But instead of handing it back as usual, the Pope said, ‘We've been doing this for hundreds of years, Jonathan. Do you know what's in the envelope?’
‘Well, Karol, since you ask,’ replied Dr. Sacks, ‘actually I have no idea.’
‘In that case,’ said the Pontiff, ‘it seems to me that the ceremony is in danger of becoming meaningless, so what do you think? Shall we open the envelope?’
After a moment's thought the Chief Rabbi agreed, so with trembling hands they opened the ancient enclosure and extracted a yellowed parchment. Wondering what profound theological revelation it contained, very carefully they unfolded it.
It was the bill for the Last Supper!
203 The Secretary
Two law partners hire a cute young secretary and decide to have a contest to see who can fuck her first, even though they're both already married. Eventually one of them scores with her and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went.
‘So what did you think?’ he asks.
‘Ahh,’ replies the first lawyer, ‘my wife is better.’
Some time goes by, and the second lawyer also gets his chance to fuck the secretary.
‘So, what did you think?’ inquires the first lawyer.
To which the second lawyer replies, ‘You were right!’
204 The Chaste Woman
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
‘No thank you.’ she said politely, ‘this may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.’
‘That must be rather difficult.’ The man replied.
‘Oh, I don't mind too much,’ she said, ‘but, it has my husband pretty upset.’
205 Hearing Problems
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.’
The gentleman replied, ‘Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!’
206 Spella Mississippi
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following :
‘Emma comes first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more.’
‘You foul-mouthed swine,’ retorted the lady indignantly. ‘In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!’
‘Hey, coola down lady,’ said the man. ‘Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi.’
207 The Single Life
A man walks into a supermarket and buys:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner
The girl at the checkout says, ‘You must be single!’
The guy sarcastically says, ‘Gee, how did you guess?’
The girl at the checkout says, ‘Because you're really ugly.’
208 Kindergarten frog
A kindergarten teacher had a pupil tell her he had found a frog.
She inquired as to whether it was alive or dead.
‘Dead,’ she was informed.
‘How do you know?’ she asked.
‘Because I pissed in his ear,’ said the child innocently.
‘You did WHAT?’ squealed the teacher in surprise.
‘You know,’ explained the boy, ‘I leaned over and went 'Pssst.' He didn't move.’
209 Polish magician
A Polish magician asks for a volunteer from the crowd. As the man steps up on stage, the magician hands him a sledge hammer, saying: ‘When I lay my head on this block, I want you to hit the top of my head as hard as you can.’
The volunteer agrees and, as soon as the magician gives the signal, he raises the sledge hammer and brings it down on the magicians head, caving it in! Blood flies everywhere and fragments of bone and brain splatter the wall behind him! The paramedics are called in and the magician is taken to the hospital where he lay in a coma for ten solid years until one morning, his eyes flutter and his fingers start to wiggle. He seems to be trying to say something!
The doctors all rush in and watch as the magician's movements become more pronounced. Finally, with great effort, the magician raises both his arms, opens his eyes, smiles, and says, in a weak and trembling voice: ‘Ta-daaa...’
210 Political Jokes
Political speeches are like a steer:
A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.
The bad news is that the government is predicting a big recession.
The good news is that the government hasn't been right yet.
211 Brain Transplant
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
‘You have your choice of two brains,’ he told the patient, ‘For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician.’
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price.
‘Is the brain of a politician that much better?’ he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, ‘No, it's not better, just unused.’
212 A Natural Process
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.’
I have just the thing,’ says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. ‘Just place this between your cheek and gum.’
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech, ‘And what if I swallow it?’
‘No problem,’ says the barber, ‘just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.’
213 Kisses Missus
Q) What's the difference between a married man and a bachelor?
A) One kisses the Mrs and the other misses the kisses.
214 Birthing Rights
Kobe Bryant and his wife went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than Kobe had ever experienced before.
But as the labour progressed, he felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
Kobe was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. He continued to feel quite well.
Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, Kobe encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and Kobe were ecstatic.
When they got home, they found Shaq dead on their porch.
215 The Pizza
An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's
any place around where he can get American food.
The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the
phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing
uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, ‘What the heck did you put on this pizza?’
The delivery man bows deeply and says, ‘We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only.’
216 Sex Education
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, ‘I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.’
‘Very good, William,’ said the teacher.
‘My mommy had a baby,’ said little Esther.
‘Oh, that's nice,’ replied the teacher.
Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him.
‘I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns.’
The teacher was relieved but puzzled, ‘And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?’
‘It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger.’
217 Captured
An Indian scouting party captures a cowboy and brings him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, ‘You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?’
The cowboy says, ‘I want to see my horse.’
The Indians get his horse.
The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass.
The horse takes off.
Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy.
The Indians look at each other, figuring, ‘Typical white man - can only think of one thing.’
The second day, the chief says, ‘What your wish today?’
The cowboy says, ‘I want to see my horse again.’
The Indians bring him his horse.
The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horses ear, then slaps it on the ass.
Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy.
The Indians shake their heads, figuring, ‘Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing.’
The last day comes, and the chief says, ‘This your last wish, white man. What you want?’
The cowboy says, ‘I want to see my horse again.’
The Indians bring him his horse.
The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, ‘Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!’
218 First Time
A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to his hotel.
When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, ‘Am I the first man you ever made love to?’
She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying.
‘You might be,’ she says. ‘Your face looks familiar.’
219 The Head
In 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After Duke published the study, Stanford decided to do their own study. After $250,000 and 3 years of research they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. The University of West Virginia, unsatisfied with these findings, spent $13.27 (for a Playboy, a Penthouse, and a case of Old Milwaukee) and concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
220 The Great Outdoorsmen
Two NBA basketball officials were enjoying a walk through the woods during the off-season. One of them came across a pair of tracks.
‘You know I used to be an avid hunter, and my father would take me out in the woods to track animals every winter. From my experience I would say that these are definitely deer tracks.’
‘Deer tracks? No way. I used to hunt too, and these are definitely bear tracks. There's no question about it,’ the other ref argued.
The two were looking closer at the tracks to figure out exactly what they were when a train hit them.
221 Climb The Ladder To Success
A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman.
‘Screw me or climb the ladder to success,’ she said.
No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud.
On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye.
‘Screw me hard or climb the ladder to success,’ she said.
‘Well,’ thought the man, ‘might as well carry on.’
On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady.
‘Screw me now or climb the ladder to success,’ she uttered.
As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went. On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot.
‘Have your way with me here and now or climb the ladder to success,’ she flirted.
Unable to imagine what could be waiting and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again.
When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400-pound man, hair flowing out from his massive, scabby armpits, flies buzzing around his head.
‘Who the fuck are you?’ the climber asked.
‘Hello’ said the ugly fat man, ‘I'm Cess!’
222 The Bartender
A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder in the bartender's face.
Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping.
‘I'm really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this.’
Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see a psychoanalyst about his problem.
‘I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst,’ the bartender said. ‘My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they come.’ The man wrote down the name of the doctor, thanked the bartender, and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow human being.
Six months later, the man was back.
‘Did you do what I suggested?’ the bartender asked, serving the glass of white wine.
‘I certainly did,’ the man said. ‘I've been seeing the psychoanalyst twice a week.’
He took a sip of the wine. Then he threw the remainder into the bartender's face.
The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel.
‘The doctor doesn't seem to be doing you any good,’ he spluttered.
‘On the contrary,’ the man said,’ he's done me a world of good.’
‘But you just threw the wine in my face again!’ the bartender exclaimed.
‘Yes’ the man said, ‘but it doesn't embarrass me anymore!’
223 Odd Question
The other night, my wife and I were going out for dinner.
She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush and lipstick, then turned to me and said, ‘Does this look natural?’
224 Murphy's Laws For Athletes
The referee will always be looking the other way when you are fouled.
The day you skip class to make it to practice on time, the coach will be sick.
The coach will only use you during demonstrations for tackling technique.
If you have injured a player, that player's father will be a lawyer.
After a magnificent play, you will trip on your way back to the bench.
After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your big game.
In an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours.
No matter how many times you take care of it before you are supposed to enter the game, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom just after the kick off.
225 Breaking Wind
An English businesswomen explained to her doctor that she was always breaking wind. At board meetings, during interviews, in lifts and on trams -- it was impossible to control.
‘But at least I'm fortunate in two respects,’ she told her doctor, ‘they neither smell nor make a noise. In fact, you'll be surprised to know I've let two go since I've been talking to you.’
The doctor reached for his pad, scribbled a prescription, and handed it to her.
‘What's this?’ she queried, reading the prescription. ‘Nasal drops?’
‘Yes,’ replied the doctor. ‘First we'll fix your nose, then we'll have a go at your hearing.’
226 Bad Breath
A woman with bad breath had tried everything, mouthwash, mints, brushing her teeth several times a day, but nothing helped. She could never keep a boyfriend because of it. When she found a guy she really liked, she put her hand over her mouth when she talked, and avoided kissing.
What she didn't know was that he had a terrible problem with foot odour; if the relationship became intimate, and he pulled off his shoes, he knew she would be gone.
The two dated, with she practically holding her breath, and he never removing his shoes. When he asked her to marry, she said yes, but still didn't tell him about her problem.
On their wedding night, she got into bed and scooted close to him. ‘I have a confession to make,’ she said.
He turned his head, gagging, and said, ‘Don't tell me. You ate my socks.’
227 Jealousy
Two relief pitchers are sitting in the bullpen during a slow baseball game. They were waiting for their call to start warming up, but it seemed like it wouldn't come.
So they did what every group of guys would do in a situation like this. First they started scratching themselves, and then they started talking about cars, sex, and hunting.
‘I just bought a new Porsche,’ one said.
‘I love my jaguar,’ the other said.
‘I had sex with a different woman every night during our last road trip.’
‘Me too.’
‘I just got two new hunting dogs, but I've got a problem with one of them.’
‘What's that?’
‘He won't stop licking himself. All he does is lick and lick, and then he comes over and expects me to let him lick my hand.’
‘What's wrong with the licking? I'd give anything in the world to do that.’
‘Well, if you did he'd probably bite you.’
228 7-10 Split
A man's wife asked him to go to the store to buy her some cigarettes.
So he walked down to the store, only to find it closed. He went into a nearby bar to get cigarettes from the vending machine. At the bar he noticed a beautiful woman and he started talking to her. They had a couple of drinks, one thing led to another, and they ended up in her apartment.
After they had their fun he realized it was 3 a. M.
‘Oh no,’ he said ‘It's so late, my wife's going to kill me. Do you have any talcum powder?’
She gave him some talcum powder, which he proceeded to rub on his hands. Then he went home.
His furious wife was waiting for him in the doorway.
‘Where the hell have you been? I was about to call the police.’
‘Well honey, it's like this. I went to the store, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking woman there, and we had a few drinks, and one thing led to another, and I ended up in bed with her.’
‘Oh yeah? Let me see your hands.’ She saw that his hands were covered with powder.
‘You liar! You went bowling again.’
229 The Translation Impaired...
The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were 'protecting.’ Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a hearing impaired person for the job; reasoning that if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.
Well, on his first week, the hearing-impaired collector picks up over $40,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place.
The Mafia boss soon realizes that the protection money is missing, and sends some of his hoods after the hearing impaired collector. The hoods find the collector and ask him where the money is. The collector can't communicate with them, so the Mafia hoods drag the guy to a sign-language interpreter.
One of the hoods says to the interpreter: ‘Ask him where the money is!’
The interpreter signs: `where's the money? `
The hearing-impaired man signs to the interpreter: `I don't know what they're talking about.`
The interpreter tells the hood: ‘He says he doesn't know what you're talking about.’
The Mafia hood pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the hearing impaired collector: ‘NOW ask him where the money is!’
The interpreter signs: `where is the money?’
The hearing-impaired man signs to the interpreter: `the $40,000 is in a tree stump at the entrance to Central Park.
`The interpreter's eyes light up and he says to the Mafia hood: ‘He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and he doesn't think you have the balls to pull that trigger.’
230 The Bar
A guy goes into a bar. He's sitting on the stool, enjoying his drink when he hears, ‘You look great!’
He looks around - there's nobody near him. He hears the voice again, ‘No really, you look terrific.’
The guy looks around again. Nobody. He hears, ‘Is that a new shirt or something? Because you are absolutely glowing!’
He then realizes that the voice is coming from a dish of nuts on the bar.
‘Hey,’ the guy calls to the bartender, ‘What's with the nuts?’
‘Oh,’ the bartender answers, ‘They're complimentary.’
231 Politicians
How are politicians and dirty diapers alike?
They both need frequent changing, and for the same reason.
232 Captain Bravo
Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man's man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a lookout spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, ‘Bring me my red shirt.’ The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and while wearing the bright frock he led his mates into battle and defeated the pirates.
Later on, the lookout spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again howled for his red shirt and once again they vanquished the pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the captain: ‘Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?’
The captain replied: ‘If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood, and thus, you men will continue to resist, unafraid.’ All of the men sat in silence and marvelled at the courage of such a man's manly man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The rank and file all stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual reply. Captain Bravo gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his mighty sailing ship and, without fear, turned, and calmly shouted: ‘Get me my brown pants.’
233 Twelve Monks
The Monks were about to be ordained.
The final test was for them to line up nude in the garden while a naked woman danced before them.
Each Monk had a small bell attached to his penis, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The naked woman danced before the first Monk candidate, with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final Monk.
As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground.
Embarrassed, he stepped forward and bent over to pick up the bell... And eleven other bells began to ring!
234 Telling Lies
Three men go duck hunting one day. Two of them are inundated with stories from the third about his ‘great’ duck hunting abilities.
After a few hours the first two men have bagged a couple of ducks each, but the braggart hasn't taken a shot. They question him on this, so he agrees to show his shooting abilities at the next opportunity.
A few moments later, one lone duck comes flying by. As promised, the braggart stands up and squeezes off one shot. The duck keeps flying!
‘Gentlemen, you have just witnessed a miracle,’ says the braggart pointing at the receding duck, ‘for there flies a dead duck.’
235 An Expensive Room
A husband and wife are travelling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.
The manager listens to the man and then explains the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous.
‘The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,’ explains the manager.
No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, ‘But we didn't use it!’
The manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager.
The manager is surprised when he looks at the check.
‘But sir,’ he says, ‘this check is only made out for $100.’
‘That's right,’ says the man. ‘I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife.’
‘But I didn't!’ exclaims the manager.
‘Well,’ the man replies, ‘she was here, and you could have.’
236 15 Minutes of Fame
A man took his wife to a Broadway show. During the first intermission he had to use the bathroom in the worst way, so he hurried to find the bathrooms.
He searched in vain for the rest rooms, but instead, all he found was a beautiful fountain with foliage.
Nobody was watching, so he decided to take a go right there. When he finally got back into the auditorium, the second act had already begun.
He searched in the dark until he found his wife.
‘Did I miss much of the second act?’ he asked.
‘Miss it?’ she said, ‘You were starring in it!’
237 Bear Chase
Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.
The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second guy says, ‘What are you doing?’
His pal says, ‘I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it.’
The second guy says, ‘Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear.’
The first guy says, ‘I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you.’
238 An Elderly Gent
An elderly gent wants sex and a friend recommends that he come to an arrangement with one of the old girls in the old peoples home. The old guy chats to the one he fancies and they strike a bargain. He can have sex for $100.
Afterwards the old guy says ‘Hey, that was great. If I'd known you were a virgin I'd have paid $200!’
The old girl replies ‘If you'd paid $200 I'd have taken my tights off!’
239 Your Attention Please
A sports fan came home from the bar after a horrible game. His wife has complained to him over and over that he never notices her anymore, and he denied it. When he comes through the door his wife greets him and says, ’Hi, Honey. Notice anything different about me today?’
‘Oh, I don't know. You got your hair done.’
‘Nope, try again.’
‘Oh, uh, you bought a new dress.’
‘Nope, keep trying.’
‘You got your nails done.’
‘Nope, try again.’
‘I give up, my team lost and I'm in a bad mood. I don't have time to guess what's different about you.’
‘I'm wearing a gas mask!’
240 Muddy Field
One evening, a man and his wife have gone to bed. After lying in bed for a few minutes, the man cuts a fart. His wife rolls over and asks, ‘What in the world was that?’
The man says, ‘Touchdown. I'm ahead, seven to nothing.’
A few minutes later the wife lets one loose.
The man says to her, ‘What was that?’
The wife replies, ‘Touchdown, tie score.’
The man lays there for about ten minutes trying to work one up.
He tries so hard that he soils the sheets.
The wife asks, ‘Now what in the world was that?’
He replies, ‘Half time. Switch sides.’
241 The Exam
Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Wednesday, and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study.
The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything. Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to two separate classrooms to take the exam. Each boy just shrugged and went to the two different parts of the building.
As each sat down, they read the first question.
‘For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom.’
At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake and answered the question with ease.
Then, the test continued.
‘For 95 points, which tire was it?’
242 Telegraph Pole
A small girl walked into a big school.
It was her first day there, and she was a little afraid.
The day went fine though, and as she walked out of the school grounds, a boy in her class told her that if she climbed up a telegraph pole, he'd give her $1. She did so, collected her money, and went home.
She told her Mother about it, to which she replied: ‘That boy is only trying to see your underwear, don't do it again.’
The next day, she met the boy again, and he said that he would give her $2 this time. She did so, even after her mother's warnings, and went home.
She told her Mother about it, to which she replied: ‘That boy is only trying to see your underwear, don't do it again.’
The next day, the girl did the same thing, but this time for $3. When she got home, her Mother asked her: ‘I hope you didn't climb up that pole again, that boy is only trying to look at your underwear.’
The little girl answered: ‘But this time, I tricked him. I didn't wear any underwear.’
243 End Of The World
Greg Maddux and Tom Glavine, two pitchers for the Atlanta Braves were being interviewed. The interviewer was asking questions concerning the two's relationship.
‘So you two know everything about each
other right?’
‘Yeah, we can tell when the other is in a slump or having trouble with pitches.’
‘Well, I want to know what you guys would do if you knew that you only had 30 minutes to live?’
Greg Maddux thought about it for a second, ‘I would make love with the first thing that moved.’
‘What would you do Tom?’
‘I would stand still for half an hour.’
244 Get pregnant
A woman goes to her doctor and asks, ‘can someone get pregnant from anal intercourse?’
The doctor replies, ‘why yes, where do you think lawyers come from?’
245 Slogans
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them.
‘Joe,’ he asked, ‘which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?’
Joe answered the correct airline.
‘Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, ‘Don't leave home without it?’
Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty.
‘Now John, Tell me who has the slogan, 'Just do it'?’ and John answered, ‘mom.’
246 The Circumcision
A teacher notices that a little boy at the back of the class is squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She goes back to find out what's up. He's quite embarrassed and whispers that he has just recently been circumcised and he's quite itchy.
The teacher has him go down to the principal's office, to phone his mom, and ask her what he should do about it.
He does this and returns to the class, sits down in his seat and suddenly, there's a general commotion at the back of the room.
Back down she goes, only to find him sitting at his desk with his pants unzipped.
‘I thought I told you to call your mom,’ she says.
‘I did,’ he says, ‘and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.’
247 Coaching Staff
Recently, a friend of mine was watching a segment on television about women tennis players being groped by their coaches.
After hearing that, my friend began to think that maybe he should start coaching women's tennis.
Oh sure, he knows nothing about coaching tennis, but he thinks that he could feel his way through it.
248 Take Me Out To Ball Game
Take me out to the ball game
Take me out with the crowd.
Pay 20 bucks for a beer and cracker jacks
Stand in line at the toilets
I don't think I'll ever get back
To root, root, root for the home team
The demands of the free agent are a shame
Because it's 10, 20, 30 million they want
Just to play the old ball game.
249 The Concorde Pilots
Did you hear that one of the Concorde pilots asked the other if he was going home after his shift?
Apparently, he said: ‘No, I'm just gonna crash at the hotel.’
250 Compton Quickie
Why shouldn't you hit a Lakers fan on a bike?
It's could be your bike.
251 The Car Accident
A man was trying to pull out of a parking place but bashed the bumper of the parked car in front of him.
Witnessed by a handful of pedestrians waiting for a bus, the driver got out, inspected the damage, and proceeded to write a note to leave on the windshield of the car he had hit.
The note read: ‘ Hello. I have just hit your car, and there are some people here watching me who think that I am writing this note to leave you my name, phone number, and driver's license number, but I am not.’
252 Off to See the Wizard
The last four U. S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
‘WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?’
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: ‘I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage.’
‘No problem’ says the Wizard, ‘WHO IS NEXT?’
Ronald Reagan steps forward, ‘Well.. Well.. Well.. I need a brain.’
‘Done,’ says the Wizard, ‘who comes next before the Great Wizard?’
Up steps George Bush sadly, ‘I'm told by the American people that I need a heart.’
‘I've heard it's true,’ says the Wizard, ‘consider it done.’
Then there is a great silence. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, ‘WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY?’
‘Is Dorothy around?’
253 The Fire Engine
A man was walking on the sidewalk and noticed up ahead that Johnny Nasty was wearing a red fireman's hat and sitting in a red wagon. It appeared that the wagon was being pulled slowly by a large Labrador Retriever. When he got closer to the lad, he noticed that Johnny had a rope tied around the dog's testicles, which probably accounted for why the dog was walking so gingerly.
Smiling, he spoke to the little boy, ‘That's really a nice fire engine you have there, son. But I'll bet the dog would pull you faster if you tied that rope around his neck.’
‘Yeah,’ Johnny replied, ‘but then I wouldn't have a siren.’
254 The Photo
A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, gulps it down, looks in his pocket then orders another one.
He gulps that one down, looks in his pocket again, then orders another one.
He does this about 7 or 8 more times when the bartender finally asks, ‘Every time you finish a drink you look in your pocket. What's in your pocket?’
The man replies, ‘Oh... I have a picture of my wife in there. I drink until she looks good, then I go home.’
255 Roving Eye
A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.
From across the room, their waitress noticed the man begin to slowly slide down in his chair, while the woman remained unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair, and went out of sight under the table and tablecloth. The woman continued to remain calm and unruffled.
The waitress was unable to contain her curiosity.
She went over to the table and said to the woman, Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.’
The woman calmly replied, ‘No he didn't. My husband just walked in the door.’
256 Four People
This is a story about four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was this important job to be done and everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure that somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was everybody's job. Everybody thought that anybody could do it, but nobody realized that everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that everybody blamed somebody when actually nobody asked anybody.
257 Polarski
There was this professional football player named ‘Polarski.’ Well, one day he said to his wife ‘Honey, I'm not going to the game today. All I ever do is warm the bench, I never get a chance to play. The hell with it,’ he said. ‘I'm going to stay home and watch the game on TV.’
His wife replied to him ‘Well, if you don't go, I'll go for you.’
He said ‘Well, damn it, go ahead.’ So she did. There she was at the game, but nobody recognized her because she had on the helmet, uniform, and pads. And of course, the husband was sitting home in his recliner watching the game.
All of a sudden a player got hurt on the field, so the coach yelled out ‘Polarski, get out there.’ The play starts and she runs her pass route, catches the ball, and runs like hell. BANG, She gets tackled by 8 guys. She was carried off the field on a stretcher. Of course her husband saw this on TV.
He rushed to the locker room to check on her. He opened the door and the coach was pushing on her breast, saying, ‘Don't worry Polarski, as soon as I push your balls back where they belong your pecker should pop right back out.’
258 The Inn-Counter
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, ‘Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.’
She replies, ‘If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221.’
259 Blackboard
One day when the teacher walked to the blackboard, she noticed someone had written the word 'PENIS' in tiny letters. She turned around and scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it and began class. The next day, she went into the room and she noticed in larger letters written across the board, the word 'PENIS.' Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.
Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's larger than the previous one. Finally one day, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words:
‘Hey, teacher, don't you know the more you rub it, the bigger it gets.’
260 Friends
Sam and John were out cutting wood when John cut his arm off. Sam remained calm, wrapped the arm in a plastic bag, and took the arm and John to a surgeon.
‘You are in luck,’ said the surgeon, ‘I am an expert in re-attaching limbs. Come back in four hours when I have completed the operation.’
So Sam returned in four hours and the surgeon said, ‘I did it faster than I expected. Jon is down at the pub.’
Sam rushed down to the pub and was amazed to see John playing darts.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again when John accidentally cut off his leg.
Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the same surgeon.
‘Legs are harder,’ said the surgeon, ‘but I'll see what I can do - come back in six hours.’
Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, ‘I finished early - John's playing football.’
Sam went to the field and to his surprise found John kicking 50-meter torpedoes.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again, when John accidentally cut off his own head.
Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the surgeon, confident that the skilful surgeon would do the job.
‘Gee, heads are really difficult to re-attach,’ the surgeon muttered, ‘but I'll see what I can do - come back in 12 hours.’
Sam returned in 12 hours.
‘How did it go, Doc?’ he asked.
‘I'm sorry. John died,’ the surgeon replied.
He suffocated in the plastic bag, you idiot!!’
261 Password
I was helping someone set up his computer, and when we came to a screen where he needed to enter a password, his rebellious attitude kicked in.
He keyed in the word, ‘penis.’
The program quickly replied, *** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH ***
262 Ice Cube
Two drunks were in a tavern sitting at the bar and staring into their drinks.
One got a curious look on his face and asked, ‘Hey, Pete! You ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it before?’
Pete replied ‘Yep. I was married to one for fifteen years.’
263 A Lakers Joke
What is the difference between normal life on the streets of LA and life after a Lakers win?
Not much.
264 The Escapist
It was the bottom of the ninth inning during the American League Championship Series. The Chicago White Sox were in the field and the Yankees were up to bat. The White Sox led by one, but the closer was struggling.
He walked the first batter, and then got a full count with the next. The deciding pitch was called and he started his rotation. The ball soared in the strike zone and the batter connected. There was no question that it was a home run, the Yankees won.
A huge crowd turned out at the airport to welcome back the team, but the crowd turned ugly when they saw the pitcher. He left the airport and went to a scheduled interview.
The reporter asked him, ‘Did you feel like the crowd was behind you?’
‘They were right behind me all right’ said the pitcher, ’But I managed to shake them off at the corner!’
265 Cabbie
A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight, and while enroute to his home, asked the driver if he would be a witness, as he suspected his wife was having an affair, and expected to catch her in the act.
The driver agreed, and they both tiptoed into the bedroom, turned on the lights pulled the blanket back and found the wife in bed with another man.
The husband put his gun to the man's head, and the wife shouted, ‘Don't do it, this man has been very generous. Who do you think paid for the Corvette I said I bought for you and who do you think paid for our new boat…he did!’
The husband, looked over at the cab driver, and said, ‘What would you do in a case like this?’
The cabbie smiled, and said, ‘I'd cover him up before he catches cold.’
266 Holiday in Pakistan
This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, ‘You foreigners! Come in. Come indo my humble shop.’
So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, ‘I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like a great desert camel.’ Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.
The husband asked the man, ‘How could sandals make you into a sex freak?’ The Pakistani man replied, ‘Just try dem on, Saiheeb.’
Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years - raw sexual power.
In a blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Pakistani man, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, and ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Pakistani's thighs. The Pakistani then began screaming ‘YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!
267 Sick Leave
A man walked into his office, when his boss stuck his head in the door, and asked, ‘I thought you called in sick yesterday.’
‘I was sick.’
‘But when I saw you at the racetrack you looked fine to me.’
The employee responded, ‘You didn't see me after the fifth race.’
268 Talking Dog
A guy walks into a bar with his dog.
The bartender says, ‘Hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here, don't you see the sign. It says no dogs allowed.’
The guy says, ‘But my dog isn't like other dogs, he can talk.’
The bartender says, ‘Oh yeah, well prove it, and I'll let you and the dog stay.’
The guy says, ‘Ok, watch this.’ He bends down to his dog and says, ‘Hey Rover, what is over our heads?’
The dog says ‘RRRRooooFFFF.’
The bartender shakes his head and says, ‘Get out of here.’
The guy says, ‘No wait, watch this. Rover, who is the greatest baseball player in the world?’
The dog says, ‘RRRRuuuuFFFF.’
The bartender says, ‘You've got to be kidding me’, and kicks the guy and his dog out of the bar. The guy and his dog leave the bar and start walking down the street when the dog looks up at his owner and says, ‘Gee, I blew it. Maybe I should have said DiMaggio.’
269 One Man Show
The Redskins are having a meeting on the eve of a game with the Bears.
The coach says, ‘Look guys, I know the Bears suck, but we have to play them or else we get in trouble with the NFL.’
Brad Johnson, the quarterback peps up, ‘I've got an idea why don't you guys all go down to the local bar and let me play them on my own? They’re such a bad team it shouldn't be a problem.’
‘Brilliant Idea, Brad!’ the coach says, ‘let's do that!’
On the day of the game, the team is in the pub, and the coach decides to check the score. He turns on the television and the announcer says:
‘It's the Redskins 7 and the
Bears 0 at the end of the 1st quarter.’
The team cheers. At six the coach decides to check the final score.
The announcer comes on again.
‘I can't believe this the Bears have scored on the last play of the fourth quarter and converted the two points to win 8 to 7.’
‘What the hell went wrong?!’ cries the coach.
They all leave the bar and jump into taxis to get back to the stadium.
They rush in to find Johnson sitting in the dressing room with his head in his hands.
‘Well, Brad, what the happened?’ asks the coach.
Brad shakes his head.
‘It was all under control,’ he says, ‘everything was great. Then I was injured and had to come out of the game in the 2nd quarter...’
270 Hiking
While hiking in the woods, Nate and Sam found a huge rock which had an old iron lever attached to it. Etched into the rock was the following inscription: ‘If this lever is pulled, the world will come to an end!’
Nate wanted to pull the lever and see what would happen, but Sam, being a paranoid pessimist, greatly feared this. He said to Nate that if he tried to pull the lever, he'd shoot him!
In a daring attempt, Nate lunged for the lever, and sure enough, Sam shot him.
What is the moral of this story? - Better Nate than lever.
271 The Cowboy And The Genie
A cowboy was walking across the beach by the ocean when he stumbled upon a small vase.
He picked up the vase and shook it, and out popped a genie. The genie said ‘I am really not lost but I will grant you one wish for your troubles.’
The cowboy thought and said that he would like a hi-way built from Wyoming to Hawaii so he could ride his horse to Hawaii. The genie thought and said ‘ that would take years and lots of dirt and pavement, is there anything else you might want?’
The cowboy thought and said ‘yes, I want to understand women.’
Then the genie replied, ‘would that hi-way be two or four lanes?’
272 A Field Trip
A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed for an elementary school child.
‘I guess you must be in the fifth,’ she said.
‘No ma'am,’ he replied, ‘I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow!’
273 The Clone
The scientist arrived with his clone and proceeded to the podium. The clone sat at the end of the head table. The scientist began the speech intending a tribute to the advances in the field of modern biology.
‘My fellow scientists,’ he began.
But before he could utter another word, the clone sprang to his feet and shouted out, ‘He's an ASSHOLE!.’
The crowd began to murmur as the scientist commanded the clone to ‘Sit down and shut-up!’ Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, ‘My fellow scientists...’
Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, ‘This dumb ASS couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent SON-OF-A-BITCH!.’
Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window.
The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York's finest arrived and were explained the events that had transpired.
The police chief said to the scientist, ‘We are going to have to arrest you.’
The scientist replied, ‘For what? I have committed no crime. What fell from the window was a clone, not a person.’
The attending scientists nodded in agreement.
‘Well,’ retorted the police chief, ‘we cannot let this heinous act go unchallenged.’
The police chief thought for a moment and then ordered the scientist held, for ‘Making an obscene clone fall....’
274 Headache
A man wakes up his wife during the night with a glass of water in one hand and two aspirins in the other.
She asks, ‘What's this for?’
‘This is for your headache,’ he says.
She says, ‘But I don't have a headache.’
He smiles and says, ‘Yippee.’
275 Dance
A man walks up to an attractive woman at a bar.
‘Do you want to dance?’ asks the man.
‘I don't care much for this song and wouldn't be caught dead dancing with you anyway,’ snips the woman.
‘Oh, excuse me, you must have misunderstood -- I said you look FAT in those pants!!’
276 The Erotic Nightly Ritual...
One evening Snow White decided she was sleepy and announced to the seven dwarfs that she was going to bed. After the usual lengthy round of ‘Good Nights’ she went upstairs.
Immediately all seven dwarfs rushed outside and began standing on each others shoulders beneath Snow White's bedroom window. Tonight was Grumpy's turn to be on the top and as he was the only one who could see in the window it was his duty to inform the other dwarfs what she was doing.
After a minute or two he hollered down, ‘She's taking off her blouse!’ and this was echoed down the stack ‘Taking off her blouse,’ ‘She's taking off her blouse,’ ‘Blouse is coming off,’ ‘Taking off her blouse,’ etc.
Next Grumpy yelled, ‘She's taking off her skirt,’ which was followed by the echoes ‘Taking off her skirt,’ ‘She's taking off her skirt,’ ‘Skirt's coming off,’ ‘Taking off her skirt,’ etc.
Of course the next line from Grumpy was, ‘She's taking off her bra!’ and the echo chorus went down the line: ‘She's taking off her bra!’ ‘She's taking off her bra!’ ‘She's taking off her bra!’ etc.
Then Grumpy said, ‘She's taking off her panties!’ which again cascaded down the dwarf tower: ‘She's taking off her panties!’ ‘She's taking off her panties!’ ‘She's taking off her panties!’ ‘She's taking off her panties!’ etc.
Finally Grumpy looked around and from his vantage height saw someone coming through the woods so he yelled, ‘Someone's coming!’
And from the next dwarf to the bottom dwarf was heard, ‘Me too.’
‘Me too.’
‘Me too.’
‘Me too.’
‘Me too.’
‘Me too.’
277 I Got Rhythm
Two retired men were fishing in a skiff in the local pond. The two weren't haven't much luck, but were enjoying the weather. One of the men decided to check his bait. As he was putting a new worm on his hook he looked over to his friend, who adjusted his feet.
‘Cletus,’ the man said, ‘that is the second time you moved your feet in the last hour. Now did you come here to fish or to dance?’
278 Sunbather
A man is walking along the beach when he notices a girl with no arms or legs sunbathing by the waters edge. Feeling sorry for her, he stops for a chat. After getting acquainted, the man notices that the girl is very unhappy.
‘What’s the matter my dear?’ he says.
She replies, ‘I’m 21 and I’ve never been kissed!’
So with that, the man leans over and kisses the girl.
Seeing that she is still unhappy, he asks again: ‘What's wrong?’
And this time she replies: ‘I’m 21 and I’ve never been fucked!’
And with that, the man replies: ‘Well dear, you're definitely fucked now, because the tide is coming in!’
279 2 Inches
A Texan enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table, alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note with the bottle back over to the Texan.
The note read: ‘For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, $1M in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants.’
WELL, the Texan, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her and it read: ‘Just so you know I happen to have TWO Mercedes in my garage, I have over $2M in the bank, but not even for YOU, would I cut off 2 inches! Sorry, honey.’
280 Wheelchair
Q: What do you call an HIV-positive man in a wheelchair?
A: ROLL-AIDS!
281 French Open
There once was a tennis player named Kournikova
For whom many hockey players fought over
There was Bure and Federov
But she was forced to call it off
Coz her mom said ‘You're 18, wait 'til you're older!’
282 Snail's Pace
An angry bartender was closing up for the night when he heard a knock at the door.
He opened the door, didn't see anybody, and was about to close the door when a voice called, ‘Hey, down here.’
The bartender looked down and saw a snail.
‘Hey,’ the snail asked, ‘how about a drink?’
The angry bartender snarled, ‘First of all, we're closed. Secondly, we don't serve snails.’
And with that, the bartender kicked the snail all the way across the street.
A month later, the same angry bartender was closing up for the night when there was a knock at the door.
He opened the door, and there was the same snail from last month.
‘You know,’ the snail said, ‘you didn't have to kick me.’
283 ‘Once A Sailor, Always A Sailor.’
Sophie was marrying the sailor Jim Connor, the son of the famous America's Cup captain Dennis Connor. Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded by all her family, and she suddenly realized she had forgotten her shoes. Panic set in until her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding, so she lent them to Sophie for the day. Unfortunately they were a bit too small, and by the time the festivities were over Sophie's feet were in agony. When she and Jim withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off.
The rest of the Connor family crowded around the door to the bedroom, hearing roughly what they expected: grunts, straining noises, and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually, they heard Jim say, ‘God, that was tight.’
Then, to their surprise, they heard Jim say, ‘Right. Now for the other one.’ Following was more grunting and straining, and at last he said, ‘My God, that was even tighter.’
‘That's my boy,’ said Dennis Connor. ‘Once a sailor, always a sailor.’
284 College Rivalry
One day a teacher asked her class, ‘How many of you like the Hawkeyes?’
All of the class raised their hands except for one little girl.
The teacher asked, ‘If you don't like the Hawkeyes, who do you like?’
The little girl said, ‘I like the Cyclones!’
The teacher then asked her why she liked the Cyclones.
The girl replied, ‘My Mommy is a Cyclone and my Daddy is a Cyclone so that makes me a Cyclone!’
The teacher then asked,’ Well, if your Mommy was a moron and your Daddy was a moron what would that make you?’
The little girl said,’ That would make me a Hawkeye!’
285 Getting To Know You
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, ‘But we don't know anything about each other.’
‘That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.’
So she consented, and they were married. They went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
While they were lying by the pool one morning, he got up off of his towel, climbed the ten- meter board, and did a two-and-a-half-tuck gainer, followed by three rotations in the jackknife position. When he straightened out, he cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and laid down on the towel. She said, ‘That was incredible!’
He said, ‘I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.’
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps, she climbed back out and laid down on her towel, hardly out of breath. He said, ‘That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?’
‘No,’ she said, ‘I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.’
286 Hunting Bait
One morning a boy got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of chicken-wire.
His father said, ‘Son, where are you going?’
The son replied, ‘I'm going to catch me some chickens.’
The father said, ‘Son, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire.’
But the son insisted that he knew what he was doing. Later on that day, the son came home with two chickens in his hand.
The father thought, ‘I guess he knows what he's doing.’
The next morning, the son got up and was leaving the house with some duck tape. The father said, ‘Son, where are you going?’
The son replied, ‘I'm going to catch some ducks.’
The father yelled, ‘You can't catch ducks with duck tape!’
The son insisted that he knew what he was doing. Later on that day the son came home with two ducks under each arm.
The father thought, ‘Shoot, I guess he does know what he's doing!’
The next morning the son got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of pussywillows. The father said, ‘Hold up, son, let me put on my shoes!’
287 A Rich Cheater
There was this couple who had just gotten married. On the honeymoon the husband placed a box under their bed he says to his wife, ‘Honey as long as we are married never ever look in this box.’ Being the good wife she was she obeyed him and did not look in the box. After 15 years of marriage she never looked in the box. Until one day she could not take it she had to look in the box or she was going to go crazy. So she looked in the box all that was in there were three cans and a thousand dollars. Later that night at dinner she looked at her husband and said ‘hon’, I looked in you box the one under the bed.’
‘Oh,’ said the husband.
‘Why are there three cans in your box?’ asked the wife.
‘Dear, every time I cheated on you I put a can into the box’ replied the husband.
‘And the thousand dollars?’ questioned the wife.
‘Well you see when the box got full I had to recycle.’
288 12’ pianist
A guy goes into a bar and sits down and orders.
He takes a 12’ man out of his pocket, and the little man starts to play a little piano just his size.
The bartender says to the man, ‘Wow, that's so neat, how did you get him?’
The guy says, ‘I have this magic lamp with a genie in it, and I rubbed it and got to make a wish.’
The bartender says, ‘Wow, that is really neat, Could I try?’
The guy says, ‘Yeah, but be careful what you wish for.’
The bartender says, ‘Ok. No problem.’ The guy takes out the lamp and the bartender rubs it, and sure enough out comes the genie. ‘I will give you one wish,’ says the genie.
The bartender thinks long and hard then says, ‘Well, I want a million bucks.’ POOF a million ducks appear.
The bartender says, ‘Hey wait a minute. I wanted a million bucks not a million ducks.
The guy looks at the bartender and says, ‘Hey I didn't ask for a 12’ pianist either!!!’
289 Teenage Daughters
Three good ol' boys were talking about their teenage daughters.
The first says: ‘I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes.
I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes!’
The second says: ‘That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other days when I found a
half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as didn't even know she drank!’
With that the third says: ‘Both of you have got nothing to worry about.
I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a packet of condoms.
I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a willy!’
290 Foul?
During the high school basketball championship the visiting team was continually fouling the home team, but the referees weren't making the calls.
Belligerent, the home coach kept losing his temper and screaming at the refs. They warned him several times that if he didn't keep his mouth shut he would be given a technical foul.
‘How could you give me a technical foul for speaking?’ the coach asked.
‘Easily’ the ref retorted and called the coach for a foul.
Later during a timeout the captain of the team says to the ref, ‘My coach wants to know if there is a foul for thinking like there is for speaking.’
The ref says, ‘No.’
The captain says, ‘Well my coach thinks you're an a**hole, then.’
291 Not The Brightest Bulb On The Tree.
Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime.
They're all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement.
They're each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them.
The first guy asks for a big stack of books.
The second guy asks for his wife.
And the third guy asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes.
At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guy's cell.
He comes out and says, ‘I studied so hard. I'm so bright now, I could be a lawyer. It was terrific.’
They open up the second guy's door. He comes out with his wife, and they've got five new kids.
He says ‘It was the greatest thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a beautiful new family. I love it.’
They open up the third guy's door, and he's slapping at his pockets…
‘Anybody got a match?’
292 A Prostitute
Rich, Eddie and Michael decided to visit a prostitute. It was a slow night, so she gave the guys a deal.
‘You guys can pay by the inch.’
When Rich comes back out his friends ask, ‘How much did she charge you?’
‘$75 dollars,’ said Rich with a wink and a smile.
Eddie goes in and returns with a fee of $85, and several ‘high fives.’
The first two were proud of their prowess. Michael goes in and returns.
‘How much did she charge you?’ asks Rich.
‘$20 dollars,’ replies Michael.
Both Rich and Eddie started laughing hysterically.
‘I should be laughing at YOU guys,’ replied Michael, ‘I saved a bundle by paying on the way out instead of on the way in!’
293 Dogs Mating
A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.
‘What are they doing, Grandma?’ asked the little girl.
The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, ‘The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.’
‘Oh... Dogs are just like people, aren't they Grandma?’
‘How do you mean?’ asked the Grandma.
To which the little girl replied: ‘Offer someone a helping hand, and they screw you every time!’
294 Brittany Spears
Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, Brittany Spears, and Dumb Brittany Spears were walking along together.
There was a 5 dollar bill on the sidewalk. Who picked it up?
... Dumb Brittany spears. All the rest don't exist!
295 This Little Piggy...
A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking the fences.
After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, ‘Boss, I've got a problem.
I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck.
He's still wriggling - what should I do?''
‘In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush.’
The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back.
‘Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush.’
‘So what's the problem now?’ his Boss snapped.
‘The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!’
296 Another Genie, Another 3 wishes...
This guy was walking along the beach when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal.
He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp.
The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when ‘poof’ a genie appeared.
This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy 3 wishes.
‘I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates, ‘ says the guy.
‘Guy,’ the genie said, ‘You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates.
What's your second wish.’
‘Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile.’
‘That's easy, Guy,’ says the genie. He waves his hand and best car anybody had ever seen pops out of the lamp. The genie then asks the guy for his third wish.
The guy mulls the problem over and over. A girl-- nah, with billions and billions of dollars he certainly had become a chick magnet. World peace? Only wackos want that.
The guy found a reason not to wish for anything that came to his mind.
‘Genie,’ the guy said, ‘I can't think of anything now. May I save the third wish for later.’
‘Gee, this is most unusual. But you hold the hammer, I can't escape from this lamp until you make a third wish. Call me when you're ready,’ and whoosh the genie disappears into the lamp.
The guy carefully picks up the now-ever-so- valuable lamp and places it in the trunk of the fire engine red Porsche. He turns the radio on to balance the sounds and makes all the other adjustments needed to get his great audio system customized to his ears.
After that, he pulled off the beach and headed south along the Pacific Coast Highway.
Soon he was up to 60, then 70, then 80. The Porsche handled perfectly. The guy was so happy that he began to sing along with the familiar commercial on the radio.
‘Oh, I wish I was an Oscar-Mayer Wiener ....’
297 Gym Shorts
Did you see where that lady that won the 20 million dollar lawsuit for the McDonald's coffee being too hot, is suing Walmart?
Apparently she bought an Ernie Irvin Shirt and hit the wall 10 times before she left the store.
What do fishermen and hypochondriacs have in common?
They don't really have to catch anything to be happy.
How did Captain Hook die?
Jock itch.
298 Making Out
This guy and girl were making out and all of a sudden the girl stops and says to the guy ‘I think I just swallowed your gum’
He replies ‘no, I was just clearing my throat’
299 Wild Sex Positions
Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favourite sex positions:
One says ‘I enjoy the rodeo position the best.’
‘I don't think I have ever heard of that one’, says the other cowboy, ‘what is it?’
‘Well, it's when you get your girlfriend down on all fours, mount her from behind, reach around and cup each of her breasts in your hands.’
‘That's it?’
Nope, then you lean over and whisper in her ear, ‘Wow these feel just like your sister's’, then try to hold on for eight seconds.’
300 Horse And Buggy
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.
‘Ma'am,’ said the cop, ‘I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning.
You have a broken reflector on your buggy.’
‘Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home,’ responded the Amish lady.
‘That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse.
Have your husband take care of that right away!’ instructed the cop.
Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.
‘Well, dear, what exactly did he say?’ asked Jacob.
‘He said the reflector is broken,’ replied the lady.
‘I can fix that in two minutes. What else?’ wondered Jacob.
‘I'm not sure, Jacob... Something about the emergency brake.’..
301 Three Hand Grenades
Bubba and Clem find three hand grenades and decide to take them to the police station.
‘What if one of them explodes before we get there?’ asks Clem.
‘Don't worry about it,’ says Bubba.
‘We'll just lie and tell them we only found two.’
302 The Train
A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.
She lies down on the bed... Just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.
Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more.
Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager.
The manager says he'll be right up.
The manager is sceptical but the wife insists the story is true.
‘Look... Lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!’
So he lies down next to the wife.
Just then the husband walks in.
‘What,’ he says, ‘are you doing here!?!’
The manager calmly replies, ‘Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?’
303 The Prayer
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.
President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:
Dear GOD,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D. C. And, as usual, those idiots deducted $95.00!
304 A Quickie... Pass It On!
A woman gets home, runs into her house, slams the door and says - ‘Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!
The husband says, ‘Wow! That's great! I'm so happy!!
Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?
She says, ‘I don't care. Just get the hell out.’
305 A little poke at the Dentists and their patients:
Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever loved.
Assistant: Why don't you marry her?
Dentist: I can't afford to. She's my best patient.
Dentist: Just let me finish and you will be another man after these cosmetic procedures.
Patient: Okay doc, but don't forget to send your bill to the other man.
When a new dentist set up in a small town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the latest kind of ‘Painless’ dentist. But a local lad quickly disputed this.
‘He's a fake ! ‘ he told his mates. ‘He's not painless at all. When he stuck his finger in my mouth I bit him - and he yelled like anyone else!’
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie...
A patient asked the dentist if it wasn’t nasty to be all the day with the hands in someone's mouth.
The dentist answered ‘I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.’
306 Frog Talk
What did one Lesbian Frog say to the other?
Gee, we really do taste like chicken.
307 Two Boobs
What do you get when you put Dolly Parton, President Clinton, and Al Gore in the same room?
Two boobs and a country singer.
308 The Kid
A three-year-old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, ‘Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet.’
He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, ‘Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet.’
309 The Presidents New Pig
President Clinton steps off Air Force One with a piglet under his arm. A smiling Colonel greets The President,
The conversation went like this: -
Colonel: Nice pig you got there Sir.
President: This here is an Arkansas Razorback that I got for Hillary.
Colonel: Nice trade Sir!
310 Booger
As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3 year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, ‘Mom, look at this,’ and stuck out her 2 fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reaches out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, ‘Mommy is gonna eat your fingers!’ pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said,’ What's wrong honey?’
‘Mommy, where's my booger?’
311 Power Of Observation
A policeman pulls a hockey player over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the player over he says, ’Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?’
This upsets the hockey player who says, ‘Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?’
312 Night On The Town
A few of the Alabama football players decide to go to a comedy show after a scrimmage. So they go to see a ventriloquist.
During the show a drunken quarterback stands up and yells ‘HEY YOU! JERK! ON STAGE! You been making smart-ass remarks about us southerners being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid ya know!’
‘Relax’ said the ventriloquist, ‘They're just jokes!’
‘I'm not talking to you, sir!’ the quarterback replied ‘I'm talking to that little prick sitting on your knee!’
313 Female Teacher
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class.
It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard.
Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, ‘What's so funny Bobby?’
‘Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.’
‘Get out of my classroom,’ she yells, ‘I don't want to see you for three days!’
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.
Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard.
Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student.
She quickly turns and asks, ‘What's so funny Billy?’
‘Well teacher, I just saw BOTH of your garters.’
Again she yells, ‘Get out of my classroom!’ This time the punishment is more severe, and tells him - ‘I don't want to see you for three weeks!’
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again.
So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is a burst of laughter from another male student.
She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
‘And where do you think you are going?’ she asks.
‘Well teach’, from what I just saw, my school days are over!’
314 Late Night Oral Sex
There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home late in the morning. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.
‘When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home.’
One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, upset at him.
‘Hey, why aren't you sleeping?’ he asks.
‘Well, the couch is pretty uncomfortable since I let my mother sleep in the bedroom.’
315 ‘Tarzan Not Know Sex!’
When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was very, very attracted to him, and during her questions about his life she asked him how he managed for sex.
‘Tarzan not know sex,’ he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, ‘Oh, Tarzan use soft hole in tree trunk.’
Horrified, she said, ‘Tarzan you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly.’ She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide.
‘Here,’ she said, ‘You must put it in here.’
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer to get a better look, got an enormous erection and gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, ‘What did you do that for?’
Tarzan replied, ‘Tarzan always check for squirrels.’
316 Man Of The People
Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, ‘Hey, Dave! How ya doin?’
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
‘Oh no,’ says Dave. ‘He's on my bowling team.’
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, ‘You must come here a lot for that woman to know that you drink Budweiser.’
‘No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League.
We share lanes with them.’
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave.
‘Hi Davey,’ she says, ‘Want your usual table dance?’
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him.
The cabby turns his head and says, ‘Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave!’
317 G. W. Bush - The ‘Post Turtle’
(Now you can't say I only pick on Democrats! :)
While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old man, a doctor and the old man were discussing Bush's health care reform ideas. The old man said, ‘Well, ya know, old Bush is a post turtle.’
So, not knowing what he meant the doctor asked him what a ‘post turtle’ was.
He said, ‘When your driving down a country road, and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle.
You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor thing down.’
318 Yes There Is!
My wife came home yesterday and said, ‘Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is.’
I asked her what it was, and she told me there was water in the carburettor. I thought for a moment, and then said, ‘You know, I don't mean this offensively, but you don't know the carburettor from the accelerator.’
‘No, there's definitely water in the carburettor,’ she insisted.
‘OK Honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?’
‘In the lake.’
319 Tailors
At a new shopping complex, by coincidence there were 3 tailors' shops next to each other. By an even greater coincidence, all three tailors were called Goldberg.
The first tailor hung a sign outside his shop which read: Goldberg - Tailor of Distinction.
The second had a bigger sign: Goldberg - Fine Gentlemen's Tailor.
The third had quite a small sign. It said: Goldberg Tailors. Main Entrance.
320 Teed Off
It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse speaker -’Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the men's tee!’
Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement - ‘Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up to the men's tee! Please!’
Mike had had enough. He turned and shouted, ‘Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my third shot!’
321 Talking To The Devil...
One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... Seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, ‘Don't you know who I am?’
The man replied, ‘Yep, sure do.’
Satan asked, ‘Aren't you afraid of me?’
‘Nope, sure ain't,’ said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, ‘Why aren't you afraid of me?’
The man calmly replied, ‘Been married to your sister for over 48 years.’
322 The Marriage Proposal.
An elderly pair (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village.
They seem to hit it off; they share each other's values, enjoy the same jokes, and find pleasure in each other's company.
After a few months, the widower asks for the hand of the widow in marriage.
She appears hesitant and decided to probe her soon-to-be a little.
‘Perhaps I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but.... How's your health?’
‘It's OK’, he answers, ‘I'm not getting any younger, but I don't have any major health problems. I can still enjoy life.’
‘Well, then’, she replies ‘I don't want to be a snoop, but I've got to protect myself: how are you fixed financially?’
‘So-so. I'm not rich, but I'm comfortable. You don't have to worry about me sponging off you; I can support myself.’
The little old lady blushes, and finally asks her swain - ‘And how's your sex life....’
‘Infrequent’, he declares.
The widow ponders this for a moment or so, before asking...’ Er…is that one word or two?’
323 Mad Cow
A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease.
‘Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?’
‘Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?’
‘Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?’
‘And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?’
‘Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?’
‘Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?’
324 Siren
A boy was riding along the street in a home-made cart pulled by a dog with a rope attached to the dog's genitals. On the side of the cart the boy had written ‘POLICE.’
A passer-by watched with interest. When the cart stopped, he told the boy: ‘You know, your police car would go faster if you tied the rope around the dog's neck.’
‘I know,’ said the boy, ‘but I wouldn't get the cool siren.’
325 The Feuding Farmers.
There were two neighbouring farmers who wouldn't stop feuding.
One, out hunting, shoots a duck which falls inside the others field.
Climbing over the fence he's stopped by farmer #2 who claims the duck as his since it ended up in his field.
After much arguing, farmer #2 states he is prepared to settle the matter by the Viking method.
He explains that the method involves taking turns kicking each other in the groin until one gives up.
Farmer #1 reluctantly agrees. Farmer #2 states that since they are on his land, he will go first.
Farmer #1 stands with legs apart and hands on hips while farmer #2 takes an almighty swing with his foot and sends farmer #1 into the air.
After ten minutes writhing on the ground Farmer #1 gets to his feet and prepares to take his turn.
Farmer #2 turns and walks away saying ‘I give! You keep the duck!’
326 The Mind May Be Willing....
A man is told by his doctor to take on some sport, so he decides to play tennis.
After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he's doing
‘It's going fine’, the manager says, ‘When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!.’
‘Really? What happens then?’, the girl asks enthusiastic.
‘Then my body says: Who? Me? Don't talk nonsense!’
327 Morals For Civil Engineers To Remember.
Once upon a time, a non-conforming sparrow decided not to fly south for the winter.
However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south.
In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen.
A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end.
But the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds.
The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.
The moral of the story:
1. Being in the shit is not always a bad thing.
2. Someone who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend.
And
3. If you are in the shit, then for gods sake keep quiet about it!
328 Bar Chick
A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
‘Are you the manager?’ she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
‘Actually, no’ the man replies.
‘Can you get him for me?’ she asks.
‘I need to speak to him,’ she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
‘I'm afraid I can't’, breathes the bartender.
‘Is there anything I can do?’
‘Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message,’ she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
‘What should I tell him?’ the bartender manages to say.
‘Tell him’, she whispers, ‘There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.’
329 A New Lion Tamer
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up.
One is a good-looking lad in his mid twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.
The circus owner tells them, ‘I'm not going to sugar-coat it - - this is one ferocious lion.
He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history.
Here's your equipment: chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?’
The girl says, ‘I'll go first.’ She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lions' cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles.
He continues to lick her calves, kisses them and rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth is on the floor.
He says, ‘I've never seen a display like that in my life.’
He then turns to the young man and asks, ‘Can you top that?’
The young man replies, ‘No problem, just get that stupid lion out of the way!’
330 Bottom Of The 9th
The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do.
Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch and said, ‘Hey! We need to get back!’
‘No need to panic,’ said a fellow bassist, ‘I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It will take him a few minutes to get it untangled.’
A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.
‘Well, of course,’ said her companion, ‘don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded.’
331 Beware Of Bears
The Colorado State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears while in the Dillon, Breckenridge, and Keystone areas. They advise people to wear noise-producing devices, such as little bells, on their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly. They also advise you to carry pepper spray, in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity.
People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings have bells in them and smell like pepper spray.
332 Biggest Lies In Hockey
1.’Don't worry, my roommate is a really heavy sleeper.’
2.’Honest coach, I only had two beers last night.’
3.’I don't care if I am not scoring, so long as the team is winning.’
4.’Our players never take painkiller injections.’
5.’Don't sweat it, kid -- we're just sending you down to the minors for a few weeks.’
333 Smoke-Inhalation
Two firemen are butt-fucking in a smoke filled room. The
captain walks in and says: ‘What the fuck is going on in here?’
The guy on top replies: ‘Sir, this man is suffering from smoke-inhalation.’
The captain then asks: ‘Why don't you just give him mouth to mouth?’
To which the one on the bottom replies: ‘How do you think this shit got started?’
334 The Rookie Pitcher
A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him.
‘I've figured out your problem,’ he told the young southpaw, ‘you always lose control at the same point in every game.’
‘When is that?’
‘Right after the National Anthem.’
335 Make-Up Sex
Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, ‘You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.’
‘Well,’ said the other woman,’ that will certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!’
336 Superman
A man walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer. The guy beside him says, ‘See that window over there. Well if you jump out you can fly!
The man says to him, ‘PROVE IT!’ so this guy jumps out of the window and he flies around outside.
‘WOW,’ says the man, so he tries it for himself but drops straight to the floor... SPLAT.
The barman then says to the other guy, ‘SUPERMAN.... You're gonna have to stop doing that, you know’
337 New House
Upon retiring, a couple wanted to move from the city and live a country life-style. They went house hunting in the most secluded area they could find. One listing was a beautiful cottage home being sold by the owner, and they decided to check it out. They were shown the house with its 2 bedrooms and den, kitchen w/breakfast nook, parlour and dining room. When the tour was done, the woman whispered something to her husband, and they both turned back to the owner. The husband mentioned not seeing a bathroom. The owner then said, ‘Oh, yes, walk this way.’.. They left the house through the back door and went down a winding walkway about 50 yards. There, at the end of the walk was an outhouse... It was shabby looking, roof shingles missing, paint totally faded, the door had only one hinge and was hanging oddly, and in the middle of the floor was a bucket. The woman was shocked at the site and said to the owner, ‘My goodness, that looks terrible, so run down. And the door has no lock.’
To which the owner replied ‘no, Ma'am, in all my years living here, no one has ever stolen my bucket!!
338 Don't Ever Hassle The Frog.
There is this guy who has a 25 inch dick. He goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make his dick smaller because he just can't please the ladies because it is just too big, he hasn't found a lady yet who likes it and he can't get any pleasure.
She tells him to go into the woods and he will find a frog when he finds the frog he is to ask it to marry him. If the frog says no, his cock will shrink 5 inches.
He goes into the woods and finds this frog. He asks ‘frog, will you marry me?’
The frog says ‘no’ And his prick shrinks five inches. The guys thinks to himself, ‘Wow, that was pretty cool. But, it's still too big.’ So he goes back to the frog and again asks the frog: ‘Frog, will you marry me?’ Frog: ‘No, I won't marry you.’
The guys dick shrinks another five inches. But that's still 15 inches and he thinks his chop is still just a little bit too big. But he thinks that 10 inches would be just great. He goes back to the frog and asks: ‘Frog, will you marry me?’
Frog: How many times do I have to tell you NO, NO, NO!
339 A Frog Loan
A frog went to his local Bank to ask for some money to repair his fishpond, went up to the Teller, a Miss Patti Wack, and explained the situation.
She said, ‘We will need some security before we give you a loan of some money. What can you offer as Security.’
The frog said, ‘My father is Mick Jagger, if that helps.’
The teller replied that it didn’t really help and that she needed something material.
The frog then offered her an antique ornamental piggy bank and asked, ‘Will that do?’
‘Wait here a minute, I'll go get the manager.’
When she returned with the bank manager, she explained the situation, just as the frog had, gave his identity and what he had offered as security.
The bank manager replied
The bank manager replied…
wait for it…
The bank manager replied…
here it comes…
almost there…
A bit further…
Are you ready for it…
Here it comes…
here it is…
The bank manager replied:-
‘It’s a knick knack, Patti Wack.
Give the frog a loan.
His old man’s a Rolling Stone.’
340 Smart Dog
First woman: ‘My dog is so smart that every morning he waits for the paper to come round and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me.’
Second woman: ‘I know.’
First woman: ‘How?’
Second woman: ‘My dog told me.’
341 Touchy Feely
The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that he could recognize any animal's skin by feeling it, and he could tell what caliber rifle was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole. This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument started. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on. They blindfolded him and took him to his first animal skin.
After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, ‘Springbok.’ Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, ‘And it was shot with a .22 rifle.’ He was right! The others could not believe it and the argument was even hotter than before. When someone suggested that he must have peeked, he said that he was prepared to do it again for another round. So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in the trunk of his car.
He took a bit longer this time and then said, ‘Kalahari Lion.’ Fingering the bullet hole, he added, ‘The rifle was a .308.’ He was right again!
This only made the crowd more curious, and he had to prove his skills over and over again, every time winning a round of drinks.
Finally he staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep.
The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, ‘Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know that I didn't get into a fight.
So where did I get this black eye?’
His wife replied angrily, ‘From me!’
‘What did I do?’ he asked.
She replied, ‘You got into bed and put your hand inside my panties.
Then you fiddled around a bit and announced, 'Skunk, killed with an ax!'‘
342 The Mighty Moose-Stafa
Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success.
Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call.
Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, ‘Okay, let's get out and get him.’
After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, ‘The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?’
The guy in the front says, ‘Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself.’
343 Tax Letter To The IRS:
April 24, 2001
Internal Revenue Service
State Processing Centre
Holtsville, NY 01150-0115
Dear Taxmen/women:
Enclosed is my 2001 tax return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the February 8, 2001 USA Today newspaper which serves as my Year 2000 Tax guide.
In the article, you will see that the Pentagon pays $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.
Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029).
This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the ‘Presidential Election Fund,’ as noted on my return. Might I suggest you the send the above-mentioned fund a 1.5-inch screw.(See attached article... HUD paid $22.00 each 1.5 inch Phillips head screw.)
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.
Sincerely,
Joe Taxpayer
344 Fishing Lure
A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes.
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.
After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.
‘Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!’ the Warden gasped.
With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.
‘Well, son,’ said the Game Warden, ‘you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!’
‘Yes, sir,’ replied the young guy. ‘But my friend back there, well, he don't have one.’
345 Trick Or Treating
A little boy and girl go trick or treating. They knock on the door of this house and the man who answers it says, ‘Well, you two are awful cute. Who are you supposed to be?’
‘We're Jack and Jill’ she replied!
The man says, ‘Wait... You can't be Jack and Jill, you're black!’
So, they go off and a while later they come back dressed differently. They ring the doorbell and once again and the man opens the door.
‘Well now, that is just darn cute. Who are you this time?’
‘We're Hansel and Gretel’ says the little boy!
‘Well, I hate to disappoint you son, but you can't be Hansel and Gretel because you're black!’
Heads hung low, they leave. Not too much later the man hears the bell ring again.
This time when he opens the door there stand the two children but this time they are BUCK NAKED.
‘Oh my! And just who are you supposed to be now?!’ he asks.
‘We're M & M's,’ said the little girl, ‘I'm plain. He's with nuts!’
346 85 Year Old Husband
At 85 years, Morris marries a lovely 25-year-old woman. Because her new husband is so old the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate bedrooms. She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After the wedding festivities she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting. Sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night. After a few minutes there's a knock on the door and old Morris is there again, ready for more action. Somewhat surprised she consents to further coupling which is again successful after which the octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves. She is certainly ready for slumber at this point, and is close to sleep, for the second time when there is another knock at the door and there he is again fresh as a 25 year old and ready for more. Once again they do the horizontal boogie. As they're laying in afterglow the young bride says to him, ‘I am really impressed that a man your age has enough juice to go at it three times. I've been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one time. You're a great lover Morris.’ Morris looks confused, and turns to her and says,’ I was here already?’
347 Pet Fish
A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, ‘Do you have a license to catch those fish?’
The man replied to the game warden, ‘No, sir. These are my pet fish.’
‘Pet fish?!’ the warden asked.
‘Yes, sir. Every night I take these ‘ere fish down to the lake & let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take’ em home.’
‘That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!’
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, ‘Here, I'll show you. It really works.’
‘O. K. I've GOT to see this!’ The game warden was curious, now. The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited.
After a several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, ‘Well?’
‘Well, What?’ the man responded.
‘When are you going to call them back?’ The game warden prompted.
‘Call who back?’ The man asked.
‘The fish.’ Replied the warden.
‘What fish?’ The man asked.
348 Cold Cream
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked.
‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
‘What's the matter?’ asked Little Johnny, ‘giving up?’
349 A Talented Dog
A talent scout walking down the street noticed an accordionist with a singing puppy.
The scout immediately saw the potential of such an act and took them to his office to sign them up.
‘I'll have you playing in Vegas within a month!’ he promised.
But just as they were about to put pen to paper, a big dog marched into the office, picked the puppy by the scruff of it's neck and ran off with him.
‘My act! You've stolen my act!’ screamed the talent scout, ‘what can we do?’
‘Nothing,’ said the accordionist, ‘that was his mother.
She doesn't want him to be an entertainer. She wants him to be a doctor!’
350 Accident
A guy was driving down the road in his car. A prostitute walks out in front of him.
He smacks her with the bumper of his car and knocks her down.
He immediately stops the car, jumps out and runs to the lady lying on her back on the road.
She is groaning in pain.
She mumbles, ‘I think I'm blind! I think I'm blind!.’
Quickly the guy holds three of his fingers up in front of her and says, ‘How many fingers do I have up?’
‘Oh my God,’ she says, ‘I'm not paralysed too, am I?’
351 The Reunion
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
Why, of course,’ comes the reply.
The first man then asks, ‘Where are you from?’
‘I'm from Ireland,’ replies the second man.
The first man responds: ‘You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland!’
Curious, the first asks: ‘Where in Ireland?’
‘Dublin,’ comes the reply.
‘I can't believe it, Me too! Lets have another round of drinks to Dublin!’
The second man can't help himself so he asks, ‘What school did you attend?’
‘Saint Mary's’, replies the first man. ‘I graduated in '62.’
‘This is becoming unbelievable,’ they say in union.
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
‘What's up?’ he asks the bartender.
‘Nothing much,’ replied the bartender, ‘The O'Malley twins are drunk again!’
352 Steroids
A female Olympic swimmer was discussing steroid use with one of her team members. She claimed that she was going to cease using steroids because she was growing hair where she had not previously had any. When asked where this hair was growing, she responded ‘On my nuts.’
353 Peanuts & Crackerjacks
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ‘Up nuts!’ And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, ‘Down Nuts!’ And they all sat. After a home run he yelled, ‘Cheer nuts!’ And they all broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going well, he decides to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, ‘Well, everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, PEANUTS!'‘
354 Men And Beer And Female Hormones
From the news wire... Scientific proof about men and beer...
Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 cans of beer and observed that:
All of them gained weight.
All talked excessively without making sense.
All became emotional and cried for no reason.
All had sudden urges to use the telephone for no reason.
When using the restroom, all of them ask for company.
All failed when asked to do simple checkbook balancing.
All mentioned the words ‘mall’ and ‘shopping’ repeatedly.
... Finally, they all lost the ability to drive but did stop to ask directions.
No further testing is planned.
355 Two Doctors
Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading: ‘Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.’
The town's fathers were not too happy with that sign, so they changed it to: ‘Hysterias and Posteriors.’
This was not acceptable either, so they changed the sign to: ‘Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.’
No go, so they tried...’Catatonics and High Colonics.’
Thumbs down again, so they tried ‘Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.’
STILL not good, so they tried ‘Minds and Behinds.’
Unacceptable again, so they tried ‘Lost Souls and - - - -holes.’
Still no go. Nor did these...
‘Analysis and Anal Cysts’,
‘Queers and Rears’,
‘Nuts and Butts’,
‘Freaks and Cheeks’ or
‘Loons and Moons’ work either.
They finally settled on...’Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends’!
356 Russian submarine
Q: Why do women prefer Russian sailors?
A: Because they're not scared to go down, will bang away for hours, don't mind lying on the wet spot and are still stiff ten days later!
357 Who Wear's The Pants?
A macho jock married a good-looking lady. After the wedding, he laid down the following rules.’I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozin', and card playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?’
His new bride said, ‘No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not.’
358 Ok Dad
A man is sitting at the bar enjoying a beer, when the fellow opposite him shouts, ‘Hey, I fucked your mother last night!!!.’
The guy is shocked but ignores him.
A few seconds later the same guy shouts, ‘ Hey, I fucked her REAL good and Hard!!!.’
Again he ignores the comment.
Finally the man shouts, ‘ Yeah, I fucked your mother real good... Up the Shitter!!!’
The man, unable to ignore these insults any further stands up and says ‘Ok Dad, it's time to go home.’
359 Talent Vs. Grades
A college football coach had recruited a talented player who couldn't pass the school's entrance exam. Needing the recruit badly, the coach went to the dean and asked if the recruit could take the test orally. The dean agreed, and the following day the recruit and the coach were seated with the dean in his office.
‘Okay,’ the dean said, ‘what is seven times seven?’
The recruit mulled it over for a moment, then said, ‘I think it's 49.’
Suddenly the coach jumped up.
‘Please, Dean,’ he begged, ‘give him another chance!’
360 The Bottle
A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her -- knowing that if she accepts it, she will be his.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note to the man.
The note reads: ‘For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million in the bank, and 8 inches in your trousers.’
Well, the man, after reading this note, sends one a reply. It reads: ‘Just so you know - I have a Mercedes AND a BMW, and over TEN million in the bank. But not even for YOU, sweetheart, would I cut 2 inches off my dick. So send back the bottle.’
361 Dog Lies
A man tried to sell his dog to a neighbour...
‘This is a talking dog,’ said the man, ‘and he's yours for only five bucks.’
‘I don't believe you,’ said the neighbour, ‘There's no such thing as a talking dog!’
Just then, the dog looked up dolefully and said: ‘Please buy me, sir.
This man has been cruel to me. He never takes me for a walk, he buys me the cheapest dog food and he makes me sleep in the garage. He doesn't realize what a special dog I am.
I swam the Atlantic two years ago, and went to the North Pole before that.’
‘You're right!’ said the neighbour, ‘This dog can talk. So why are you selling him so cheap?’
The owner replied: ‘Because I'm sick of his lies!’
362 Shooting Beaver
An 80 year old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling.
‘I've never been better!’ he replies. ‘I've got an eighteen- year old bride who's pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?’
The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, ‘Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the beaver and squeezes the handle. BAM !!! The beaver drops dead in front of him.’
‘That's impossible!’ said the old man in disbelief, ‘Someone else must have shot that beaver.’
‘My point, exactly.’
363 The Honeymoon is Over!
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride called her mother immediately.
‘Well, how was the honeymoon?’ asked the mother.
‘Oh mamma!’ she exclaimed. ‘The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!’
No sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying.
‘But mamma ... As soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language.
He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words!
You've got to come get me and take me home... Please mamma!’
‘Now Sarah .’ her mother answered, ‘calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?’
‘Please don't make me tell you, mamma,’ wept the daughter, ‘I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home... Please mamma!’
‘Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset ... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!’
Still sobbing, the bride replied, ‘Oh, mamma ... He used words like dust, wash, iron, and cook!’
364 Another Cindy special!
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He says, ‘What are you doing?’
She answers, ‘I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free.’
Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies...’ I'm going to Vegas too. I want to see you live on $800 a year.’
365 The Sperm Bank
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says ‘But sir, its just a sperm bank!’
‘I don't care, open it now!’ he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says ‘Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!’
She looks at him ‘BUT, they are sperm samples?’
‘DO IT!’
So the nurse sucks it back.
‘That one there, drink that one as well.’
So the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, ‘See honey - its not that hard.’
366 Times Are Hard
There's a few guys who always get together on Fridays after work for a drink... One Friday, Jeff showed up late, sat down at the bar, and kicked back his entire first beer in one gulp... Then he turned to Bob and said, ‘Times are getting tough my friend, I mean, just today my wife told me that she's going to cut me back to only two times a week... I can't believe it.’..
At which point Bob put his hand on Jeff's shoulder and said reassuringly, ‘You think you've got it bad, she's cut some guys out all together’
367 Jack And Jill Revisited
Jack and Jill were twins who couldn't find dates to the prom.
So Jill asked Jack to go with her.
Jack said, ‘No, you're my sister, that's gross.’
Jill said, ‘Come on. Promise me if you can't find another date, you'll take me.’
So Jack said okay.
Well, Jack couldn't find a date so he went with Jill.
They were just standing by the punch bowl, and Jill asked Jack to dance.
Jack said, ‘No, you're my sister, that's gross.’
Jill said, ‘Come on. It'll be fun.’
So Jack said okay, and they had a great time.
After the dance, Jill asked Jack to take her to Makeout Hill.
Jack said, ‘No, you're my sister, It would be gross.’
Jill said, ‘We'll just talk, we don't talk anymore.’
So Jack said okay.
They were at Makeout Hill talking, when Jill moved to the backseat.
Jill said, ‘Come on, Jack, take me.’
Jack didn't argue.
When Jack moved on top of Jill, Jill murmured, ‘You're a lot lighter than dad.’
Jack said back, ‘I know. Mom told me last night.’
368 Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson is walking out from the operating room after his wife gave birth to their son. Michael says ‘Hey Doc how long till we can have sex?’
The Doctor says ‘At least wait till he is walking Michael!!’
369 The Halloween Party
A couple was invited to a masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping for an hour, awakened feeling much better so she decided to go to the party.
Since her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching him to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she got to the party and spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could.
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came home and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, ‘Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.’ Then she asked, ‘Did you dance much?’ He replied, ‘I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Don and Bill and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... The guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!’
370 Q&A-2
Q: What's better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded.
Q: Why do farts smell?
A: So deaf people can enjoy them too.
Q: Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
A: Her dog is blind too.
Q: How did Helen Keller burn her ear?
A: Answering the iron.
Q: How did she burn her other ear?
A: They called back.
371 It Was Spring In The Old West.
The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake.
‘Hold on there, partner,’ said the snake, ‘don't shoot- I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want.’
The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake's striking range. He said, ‘OK, first, I'd like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I'd like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I'd like sexual equipment like this here horse I'm riding.’
The rattlesnake said, ‘All right, when you get back to the bunk house you'll have all three wishes.’
The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk-house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror.
Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable.
He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted...’ Oh My God... I was riding the MARE!
372 Murphy
Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
‘Please Lord,’ he implored, ‘let it be blood!!’
373 Advanced Medicine
An Israeli doctor said, ‘Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks.’
A German doctor said ‘That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks.’
A Russian doctor said, ‘In my country, medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks.’
The American doctor, not to be outdone, said ‘Hah! We can take an asshole out of Texas, put him in the White House, and half the country will be looking for work the next day!’
374 The New CEO
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO.
This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.
The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!
The CEO, walks up the guy and asks -’and how much money do you make a week?’
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, ‘I make $200.00 a week. Why?’
The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams - ‘here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!’
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks - ‘does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?’
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters - ‘Pizza delivery guy.’
375 Taking Care Of Business
A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
‘So,’ says the cop to the driver, ‘where have you been?’
‘I've been to the sports bar,’ slurs the drunk.
‘Well,’ says the cop, ‘it looks like you've had quite a few.’
‘I did all right,’ the drunk says with a smile.
‘Did you know,’ says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, ‘that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?’
‘Oh, thank heavens,’ sighs the drunk. ‘For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.’
376 Italian boy and Jewish boy
An Italian boy and a Jewish boy, lived about a block apart in the neighbourhood and grew up together.
The Jewish boy was the son of a Jeweller and the Italian boy was the son of a hit man.
Oddly enough, they had the same birthday.
For their 12th birthday, the little Jewish boy received a Rolex watch and the little Italian boy received a 22 Beretta.
The next day, they are out on the street corner comparing their presents and neither is happy, so they switch gifts with each other.
The little Italian boy goes home to show his Father and his Father is NOT pleased.
‘What are you, nuts? Let me tell you something, you idiot! Some day you're gonna meet a nice girl, you're gonna wanna settle down and get married. You'll have a few kids, all that stuff. THEN one day, you're gonna come home and find your wife in bed with another man.
What the hell ya gonna do? Look at your watch and say - 'Hey, how long you gonna be?'
377 Mickey/Minnie Divorce
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse.
Mickey spoke to the Judge about the separation.
‘I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is insane.’
Mickey replied, ‘I didn't say she was insane, I said that she's fucking Goofy!’
378 Clinton
Two of Clinton's sperm are swimming around in Monica, when one of the sperm looks at the other and says,’ Hey I think we are coming close to the ovaries.’
The other sperm looks at the first and says,’ Hey relax we just passed the tonsils.’
379 Cold
I went round to a friend’s house to visit and the first thing I noticed was how cold it was there.
We sat and chatted for a while, listening to her describing how she went to the 'bleeding shops' to get some 'bleeding food' for the 'bleeding kids.’
Then I asked her why the central heating wasn't on.
She said ‘of course the bleedin' central heating was bleedin' on and it had been on all bleedin' day but it wasn't bleedin' working’ and she didn't ‘bleedin' know why.’
I asked her if she had tried bleeding the radiators?
‘Are you taking the bleedin' piss or what?’
380 Calling
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, ‘I've got a big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.’
‘My dear,’ the shrink said, ‘that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.’
‘The problem,’ she complained, ‘is that it wakes me up.’
381 Donkeywoman.
A guy and his wife walked into a bar one day, the wife takes a seat and the guy goes up to the bar.
The barman goes over to the guy and asks him what he wants, the guy replies’,
I'll have a bottle of bud and an orange juice for the jackass’!
The barman looks at the guy puzzled but say's nothing, and gives the guy his drink. This happens twice more.
A couple of hours pass and the guy goes to the men’s room and his wife goes up to the bar. This time she orders the drinks.
The barman gets the drinks and says, ‘it's probably none of my business, but I think you should know that your husband has been referring to you as the jackass.
I just had to tell you because I don’t think it's very fair for him to call you that.’
The woman turns to him and smiles and says...’Oh, don’t worry, it's ok - heehaw, heehaw, he always calls me that’!
382 Secretary
It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way.
‘And just where have you been until this hour?’ demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home.
‘Down at the office,’ he replied, ‘working like a dog.’
383 Olives
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
‘S' cuse me’, said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, ‘what was that all about?’
‘Nothin', said the Irishman, ‘my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!’
384 Popping off from the Pulpit!
A young minister had just got out of the seminary, got his first church, and was preaching his first sermon. In the seminary, they had taught him that if he forgot something, just back up and repeat what he had said, and maybe it would come back to him.
He started out with a quote, ‘Behold, I cometh.....’ But he couldn't remember the rest of it.
So he tries to regain his composure, backs up an starts again...
‘Behold I cometh...’ But he still couldn't remember.
So he rears back and shouts again, ‘Behold I cometh! ...’ But this time he trips over the pulpit and falls right into the lap of a little old lady sitting the front row!
Flushed, he starts apologizing, but before he could finish the woman muttered...’It isn't your fault sonny - you told me you were coming three times... I should have moved!’
385 By The River
A drunk stumbled into a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon, down by the river.
He walked down into the water and stood next to the preacher.
The minister turned and noticed the old drunk.
He said, ‘Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?’
The drunk replied, ‘Yeah, Your Honour, I shur am!’
The minister dunked the fellow under the water and pulled him right back up.
‘Have you found Jesus?’ he asked.
‘Nooo, Your Highness, I shur dint!’ exclaimed the drunk.
The preacher then dunked him under for a bit longer. Bringing him up, he asked, ‘Now brother, have you found Jesus?’
‘Nooo, Your Highness, I shur dint!’ the drunk slurred again.
Disgusted, the preacher held the man under for over 30 seconds.
This time, when he brought him out of the water, he harshly asked, ‘My good man, have you found Jesus YET?’
The drunk wiped his eyes and replied to the preacher, ‘Are you sure this is where he fell in?’
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386 A Sunday Drive
A young couple was out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway, the guy says to the girl, ‘If I go 100 miles and hour, will you take off all your clothes?’ She agrees and he begins to speed up.
When the speedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off, he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car over.
The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car.’Go get help,’ he pleads.
She replies, ‘I can't, I'm naked.’
He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says, ‘Cover your crotch with that and go get help from that gas station down the road.’
She takes the shoe, covers herself between the legs, and runs to the gas station down the road. When she arrives, she is frantic and yells to the attendant, ‘Help! Help! My boyfriend's stuck!’
The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and replies with some astonishment, ‘I think it's too late--he's too far in!’
387 Blind Skydiving
A blind man was describing his favourite sport - parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: ‘I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go.’
‘But how do you know when you are going to land?’ he was asked.
‘I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground,’ he answered.
But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?’ he was again asked.
He quickly answered ‘Oh, that's the easy part. It's when the dog's leash goes slack.’
388 Japanese Banking Crisis
According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of stopping.
If anything, it's getting worse.
Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded we have more breaking news...
We are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches.
Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for a song!
Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop.
Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, and the staff there fear they may get a raw deal... Stay tuned...
389 All Gods Animals
God was talking with a delegation of animals complaining of their lot in life.
There was an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen.
The elephant spoke first, ‘Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me.
It gets in the way, and makes me look like a fool!’
And God said, ‘Don't complain. You can pick up food easily & drink water without getting wet!’
Next the giraffe complained, ‘Lord, I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy, I get terrible neck pains, and people laugh at me!’
The Lord said, ‘Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and allows you to see a long way!’
Finally, it was the hen's turn and the hen spoke up...
‘Lord, I don't hate to complain, but either let me have a bigger butt or smaller eggs!’
390 Struck Gold
In a South American mining district Mrs. Brown presented her husband with a 12 pound baby boy. Mr. Brown was so delighted that he went to the News office and told that he had found a 12 pound nugget of gold as good as any to be found in South America. The paper, naturally, sent a reporter to get particulars. This is what happened:
Reporter-Does Mr. Brown live here?
Mrs. Brown-he does.
Reporter-Is he in?
Mrs. Brown-No he isn't.
Reporter-I understand he found a nugget of gold weighing 12 pounds.
Mrs. Brown--(Seeing the joke) Yes.
Reporter-Can you show me the exact location where it was found?
Mrs. Brown-I'm afraid Mr. Brown would object as it is private.
Reporter-Is the hole far from here?
Mrs. Brown-No, it is quite handy.
Reporter-Has Mr. Brown been working the claim long?
Mrs. Brown-Almost ten months.
Reporter-Was Mr. Brown the first to work it?
Mrs. Brown-He thought he was.
Reporter-Was the work difficult?
Mrs. Brown-It was at first but easier after the shaft opened.
Reporter-Is the water plentiful?
Mrs. Brown-Yes, sufficient to carry on the work.
Reporter-Has he gotten to the bottom yet?
Mrs. Brown-No, but quite near it.
Reporter-Do you think there are any more nuggets?
Mrs. Brown-Yes, if the claim is properly worked.
Reporter-Has he worked it since he found the nugget?
Mrs. Brown-No, but I told him it was time to start.
Reporter-Do you help him?
Mrs. Brown-I do my level best.
Reporter-do you think he will sell the claim?
Mrs. Brown-No, he finds too much pleasure in working it himself.
Reporter-Can I see the nugget?
Mrs. Brown-Certainly.
She brought the baby in for inspection. The embarrassed reporter departed very fast.
391 Biology Class
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Johnny's hand shoots up.
‘Not correct, Miss!’ he says.
‘Please explain, Johnny,’ replies the teacher.
‘Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the veranda. The neighbours' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went ‘fff! fff! fff!’, and before he could say ‘FUCK OFF!’, the dog ate him!’
392 The Food Critic...
Here is a story about a famous food critic's recent visit to Europe last summer.
He had a delightful time sampling the cuisine in Italy, France and Germany, but he made the mistake of stopping off in London on the way home.
Needless to say, he found English food bland and overcooked.
However, one day he had a great meal of fish & chips at a London pub.
He asked the manager of the pub if he could have the recipe for the fish and chips.
The manager confessed that he bought his fish and chips from a nearby monastery, so our critic would have to get the recipe from one of the brothers there.
So he quickly ran down the street to the monastery and knocked on the door.
When one of the brothers came to the door, he asked him if he were the ‘Fish Friar.’
The brother replied, ‘No, I'm the Chip Monk!’
393 We Don't Server Snails...
A bartender and he was closing up for the night when he hears a knock at the door.
He opened it and looked around, but saw no one.
Then, out of the corner of his eye, he sees a small snail.
The snail says, ‘Hey Barkeep!... Can you get me a drink?’
‘I'm afraid I can't,’ the bartender said. ‘First of all, we're closed. And second of all, we don't serve snails here!’
With that, he picks up the snail and throws it across the street.
One week later, the same bartender was closing up for the night when again there's a knock at the door.
He opens the door but sees nobody. He looks down and sees the exact same snail from the week before.
Angrily, the snail looks up at him and yells, ‘What the hell did you do THAT for?!!!!!!’
394 Naked Gambler
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive redhead comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She says, ‘I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm bottomless.’
With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, ‘Momma needs a new pair of pants!’
She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers.
‘YES! I WIN! I WIN!’
With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves.
The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally one of them asks, ‘What did she roll anyway?’
The other answers, ‘I thought YOU were watching!’
395 The Old Chaperone
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old crone, entered the doctor's office.
‘We have come for an examination’ said the young girl.
‘Alright,’ said the doctor, ‘go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.’
‘No, not me’ said the girl, ‘it's my old aunt here.’
‘Very well,’ said the doctor, ‘madam, please stick out your tongue.’
396 Little Johnny does it again!
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden he gets the urge to go to the bathroom.
‘Teacher, Teacher... I gotta PEE, I gotta WHIZ real bad!’
‘Now Johnny, responds the teacher. You know that's NOT the proper words to use in this situation! The proper word to use is urinate. Now use the word urinate in a sentence, and I will let you use the restroom.’
Well, you know Little Johnny... Always thinking of ways to get back at those who mess with him. So... His reply is...’Ok Teach... You're an eight.’
‘But if you had bigger boobs, you'd be a Ten!’
397 Bubba and Junior get promoted.
Two good ol' boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from Privates to Sergeants.
Not long after, they're out for a walk and Bubba says, ‘Hey, Junior –there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in and have us a drank.’
‘But we's privates,’ protests Junior.
‘NO, we's sergeants now,’ says Bubba, pulling him inside.
‘Now, Junior, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drank.’
‘But, we's privates,’ says Junior.
‘You blind, boy!’ says Bubba, pointing at his stripes. ‘We's Sergeants now!’
So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba.
‘You're cute,’ she says, ‘and I'd like to take you someplace and make you feel real good -- but I've got a bad case of gonorrhoea.’
Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, ‘Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that gon-o-ria means. If it's good, give me the okay sign.’
Junior goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Bubba the big okay sign.
Three weeks later Bubba is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhoea.
‘Junior,’ he says, ‘What you give me the okay for?’
‘Well Bubba, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhoea only affects the privates.’
Then he pointed to his stripes and says, ‘But we is Sergeants now!
398 The First Erection
Adam and Eve were standing opposite to each other when Adam got his first erection. The two watched, astonished, until Adam suddenly exclaimed, ‘Move aside -- I don't know how far its gonna go.’
399 Jay Leno Jokes from the Tonight Show...
Pharmaceutical companies that make birth control pills are telling teenage girls that taking the pill can help clear up their skin.
Do you think that's true? I think there is a better chance of clearing up the boyfriend's skin ...
Fashion experts say that President Bush is helping bring back cowboy boots and cowboy hats.
See, so it is not just for male strippers anymore ...
LeAnn Rimes apologized to fans for the quality of her new album. Isn't that unbelievable? If LeAnn Rimes has to apologize for her album, what the heck is Kathie Lee going to do, commit suicide?
In an interview with Vanity Fair magazine, Hugh Hefner admitted having 7 girlfriends, one for each night of the week ... Someone should tell him those are called nurses. He said they all have sex together in the same bed.
He said Viagra makes it possible ... I think money makes it possible!
Surgeons in Britain amputated the hand of the world's first hand transplant patient because the guy requested it, after his body rejected it. How depressing is that? It's bad enough getting rejected by women, but guys, when your own hand turns you down?
According to a new government report, the military is running out of bullets. We are running out of ammunition!
Oh good ... Let's tell our enemies ... That's what I love about our country, you can't tell your sexual preference in the Navy, but you can tell our enemies we're running out of ammunition. ‘We don't have any bullets and I can't tell you if I'm gay.’
400 Garbage
A man ran after the garbage truck, yelling, ‘am I too late for the garbage?’
The driver replied, ‘No, jump in!’
401 The Smuggler.
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard stops him and says, ‘What's in the bags?’
‘Sand,’ answered Juan.
The guard says, ‘We'll just see about that - get off the bike!’
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analysed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure and in the bags.
The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, ‘What have you got?’
‘Sand,’ says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.
He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.
‘Hey, Buddy,’ says the guard, ‘I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about.
I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?’
Juan sips his beer and says, ‘Bicycles.’
402 The Great Escape...
During WWII a fighter pilot was shot down over Germany and he was captured by the Nazis. He was hurt pretty bad, so he the German doctor amputated his arm.
He requests that they drop his arm over his base in England. So the Germans did.
The next week they amputate his other arm and he asks the same thing. The Germans comply.
The next week they amputate one of his legs, and he again asked for them to drop it over his base in England.
The German doctor replied, ‘Nein, Ve do dis no more!’
The pilot asked why not, and the German answered...’Ve tink you trying to escape!’
403 The Job Test...
Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring that lazy Cajun, so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
The first question was - ‘Without using numbers, represent the number 9.’
Boudreaux says, ‘Dat's easy’ and proceeds to draw three trees.
The boss says, ‘What in the world is that?’
Boudreaux says, ‘Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine.’
‘Fair enough’ says the boss.
‘Second questions, same rules, but represent 99.’
Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.
‘Der ya go sir,’ he says.
The boss scratches his head and asks, ‘How on earth do you get that to represent 99?’
Boudreaux answers, ‘Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat 99.’
The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire Boudreaux so he says, ‘All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100.’
Boudreaux stares into space again, then he shouts, ‘I got it!’
He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, ‘Der ya go sir - 100.’
The boss looks at Boudreaux's attempt and thinks, ‘Ha! got him this time.’
He then tells Boudreaux, ‘Go on, Boudreaux, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100.’
Boudreaux leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, ‘A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got - dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100... When do I start my job?’
404 Kiss it Better?
Little Johnny has just been toilet trained and decides to use the big toilet like his daddy. He pushes up the seat and balances his little penis on the rim. Just then the toilet seat slams down, and little Johnny lets out a scream.
His mother comes running to find Johnny hopping round the room clutching his genitals and howling. He looks up at her with his little tear stained face and sniffles, ‘K-k-k-k-kiss {sniff} it better.’
Little Johnny's mother shouts, ‘Don't start your father's shit with me!’
405 Blind Salesman
A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel.
She doesn't know what type to get so she just grabs one and takes it to a register manned by a Wal-Mart ‘associate’ wearing dark shades. The woman says, ‘Excuse me, sir, can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?’
He says, ‘Ma'am, I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes.’
She doesn't believe him, but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, ‘That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. Test line. It's a good all-around rod and reel, and it costs $20.00.’
She says, ‘That's amazing! You can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for -- so I'll take it.’
As the blind man begins to ring up the sale, the woman loudly passes gas. At first, she's embarrassed, but realizes there's no way he could tell it was her because he's blind and wouldn't know she was the only person around.
He rings up the sale, and says, ‘That will be $25.50.’
She replies, ‘I thought you said it was only $20.00?’
He says, ‘Yes ma'am, $20.00 for the rod and reel, but the duck call is $3.00, and the stink bait is $2.50.’
406 Choice Cut Bait
David, the fisherman, had driven by the lake many times and had seen some other anglers about, so he decided to give his luck a try.
On his first day of fishing he had no luck at all but noticed that another fisherman near him that was scooping in one after another.
He had to know The Secret.
‘Excuse me sir, but would you mind telling me what sort of bait you are using?’ he asked.
The other man looked around a bit embarrassed.
‘Well, I am a surgeon, and by accident I found that a human tonsil works very well.’
David thanked the man, thought about what sort of bait to try next time, and left.
The next day, David returned to the lake, tried different bait and still had no luck. Just as the day before, there was yet a different man reeling in fish after fish.
‘Excuse me,’ asked David, ‘but could you suggest a bait that I could try?’
‘Well, I can, but I am not sure it will do you any good. I am using a bit of human appendix.’
‘Hmm,’ thought David. It seemed that the fish in this lake would require a little more effort than normal. He left, willing to give the lake one more tries.
On the third day, David still had no luck. As was usual, there was yet another man near him bringing in fish left and right. David wanted to confirm what he already knew.
‘Excuse me sir, but are you a doctor?’
‘No, I am a Rabbi,’ replied the man.
407 A Happy Biker
A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a ‘or sale’ sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner.
‘This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.
‘Well,’ says the seller, ‘it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it.’ And he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.
The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan).
That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.
‘Honey,’ she says, ‘I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.’
‘No problem,’ he says. And in they go
The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.
So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.
‘Her Mom's kinda cute’, he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.
Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.
Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: ‘All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes.’
408 Big Leprechauns
A man walks into a public bathroom and begins using one of the urinals. He looks to his left and sees a very short man peeing also. Suddenly, the short man looks up at the taller man, and the taller man is completely embarrassed about staring at the smaller man's penis.
‘Sorry,’ says the taller man. ‘I'm not gay or anything, but you have the longest penis I've ever seen, especially on a man so small!’
‘Well,’ says the Leprechaun, ‘That's because I'm a Leprechaun! ALL Leprechauns have penises this size!’ The taller man says, ‘Incredible! I'd give anything if mine were that long.’
‘Well, what with me being a Leprechaun and all, I can give you your wish! If you let me take you into that stall over there and screw you, I'll give you your wish!’
‘Gee,’ says the man, ‘I don't know about that…. Aw hell with it, OK!’
Soon, the Leprechaun is behind the taller man, just humping away.
‘Say,’ says the Leprechaun, ‘How old are you, son?’
Finding it difficult to turn with the Leprechaun humping him so ferociously, the tall man says over his shoulder, ‘Uh-Uh, Thirty-two...’
‘Imagine that, ‘ says the little man, ‘Thirty-two and still believes in Leprechauns!’
409 The Salesman
A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.
The boss asked him, ‘Have you ever been a salesman before?’
‘Yes, I was a salesman in the country’ said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, ‘You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up.’
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked ‘How many sales did you make today?’
‘One,’ said the young salesman.
‘Only one,’ blurted the boss, ‘Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?’
‘Three hundred thousand dollars,’ said the young man.
‘How did you manage that?’ asked the flabbergasted boss.
‘Well,’ said the salesman ‘this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser.’
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, ‘You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?’
‘No,’ answered the salesman ‘He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, 'Your weekend's shot, you may as well go fishing.'‘
410 Fight Song
A Tallahassee area mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the embalming ropes. He walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table.
Thinking he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his boss, he began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement there was a cork in its butt. Mystified, he pulled it out, and immediately heard, the Florida State Chop song come out the guys butt.
Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the cadaver and ran up the stairs to find his mentor.
‘Sir, you've got to come down and help me, I've just seen something I can't believe.’
Annoyed by the naivet?f his assistant, he said OK and followed him downstairs.
‘There, look at the cork in the butt of that body, I couldn't imagine what it was doing there so I pulled it out. Please, you do it.’
The mortician was a bit surprised to see the cork, too, so he walked to the table and removed the cork. Then the Florida State Chop song started playing.
Exasperated, he replaced the cork in its appointed position, turned to his assistant and said: ‘What's so surprising about that. I've heard thousands of asses sing that song.’
411 Madams Parrot
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
‘Why so little,’ she asked the pet-store owner?
The owner looked at her and said, ‘Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.’
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, ‘New house, new madam.’
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, ‘that's not so bad.’
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, ‘New house, new madam, new girls.’
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation.
Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, ‘Hi Keith!’
412 Tuner Brown
A little white guy gets on an elevator and sees this big black guy behind him.
The black guy looks at the little man and says ‘6 ft 6, 350 lbs, 3 lb left nut, 3 lb right nut, 20 inch cock, Turner Brown.’
The white guy faints.
After slapping the little man for a while he comes to.
The black guy says ‘I’m sorry, I always introduce myself like that. The name's Turner Brown.’
The white guy says ‘Oh thank god, I thought you said turn around.’
413 The New Ears...
A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution.
He hears of a very good one in England, and goes to see him.
The surgeon examines him, thought a while, and says, ‘yes, I can help you.’
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.
The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, - ‘You swine, you gave me a woman's ears!’
‘Well, an ear is an ear. It makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's.’
‘Are you having problems hearing with your new ears?’ asks the Doc.
‘No, Doc... I can hear just fine... But I don't understand a thing!’
414 Cell Phone Man
This guy was in a bar talking to his hand.
The bartender came to him and said, ‘I do not want weirdo’s in my bar. I might ask you to leave.’
The guy said, ‘I'm talking to my cell phone. I got tired of carrying my cell phone so I had it embedded into my hand.’ The bartender did not believe him, so the guy had the bartender dial a number and then talked into his hand. The bartender said, ‘How cool!’
As the evening went on the bar got more crowded. The bartender looked up and noticed the guy was gone but his drink and cigarettes were still there. The bartender got worried and went looking for him.
The bartender went into the bathroom and saw the guy on the floor with his pants down to his knees and a roll of toilet paper up his butt. The bartender asked, ‘Are you OK? Who did this to you?’
The guy replied, ‘I'm OK, just waiting for a fax!’
415 The Difference
What is the difference between a beginner, a professional, and a show-off?
- Spitting, swallowing, and gargling!
416 The Big Bad Mouse
One day a mouse was running around inside a zoo when he thought to himself, ‘I need a piece of ass!’ He sees this elephant standing underneath a coconut tree, so he runs over to the elephant, climbs up its leg and begins to stick his the meat in her. After a couple of minutes the mouse is getting into it, when a coconut falls from the tree and hits the elephant on the head. Well the elephant goes, ‘OOOOF’ and the mouse peeks around and says, ‘SUFFER BITCH!’
417 Gum Factory
An Eagle Fan is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Cowboy Fan, chewing gum, sits down next to him.
Eagle Fan ignores the Dallas fan who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
Cowboy Fan: ‘You Eagle folk eat the whole bread?’
Eagle Fan (in a bad mood): ‘Of course.’
Cowboy Fan: (after blowing a huge bubble) ‘We don't. In Dallas, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Pennsylvania.’
The Cowboy Fan has a smirk on his face. The Eagle Fan listens.
The Cowboy Fan persists: ‘Do you eat jelly with the bread?’
Eagle Fan: ‘Of Course.’
Cowboy Fan: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling) ‘We don't. In Dallas we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Pennsylvania.’
The Eagle Fan then asks: ‘Do you have sex in Dallas?’
Cowboy Fan: ‘Why of course we do,’ he says with a big smirk.
Eagle Fan: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?’
Cowboy Fan: ‘We throw them away, of course.’
Eagle Fan: ‘We don't. In Pennsylvania, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Dallas.’
418 The Super Sale!
A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person ‘How much are the washer and dryer?’
‘Five dollars for both of them,’ the salesman said.
‘Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!’ the man replied sarcastically.
‘No, that's the price,’ the salesman said, ‘Do you want to buy them or not?’
‘Yeah, I'll take them!’ the customer responded.
He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers.
‘How much?’ he asked.
‘Five dollars for the system,’ the salesman answered.
‘Is it stolen?’ the guy asks.
‘No,’ said the salesman, ‘It's brand new, do you want it or not?’
‘Sure,’ the customer replied. He looked around some more.
Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor.
‘How much?’
‘Five dollars,’ was the familiar response.
‘I'll take that too!’ the man said.
As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asked him, ‘Why are your prices so cheap?’
The salesman said, ‘Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife. What he's doing to her, I'm doing to his business!’
419 The 3 Old-Timers...
Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.
‘Sixty is the worst age to be,’ announced the 60 year old, ‘you always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!’
‘Ah, that's nothing,’ said the 60 year old.’When you're 70, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out !’
‘Actually,’ said the eighty year old, ‘Eighty is the worst age of all.’
‘Do you have trouble peeing too?’ asked the sixty year old.
‘No ... Not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse - no problem at all.’
‘Do you have trouble taking a crap?’ asked the 70 year old.
‘No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30.’
With great exasperation, the 60 year old said ‘Let me get this straight.
You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a crap every morning at six thirty.
What's so tough about being eighty ?’
To which the eighty year old replied, ‘I don't wake up until ten!’
420 Shipwrecked And Not Too Bright...
A young wife, her boorish husband and a good-looking sailor were ship-wrecked on an island.
One morning the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled - ‘Stop making love down there!’
‘What's the matter with you?’ asked the husband after the sailor came back down.
‘We weren't making love.’
‘Sorry,’ said the sailor, ‘from up there it looked like you were.’
Every morning after that, the sailor scaled the small tree and yelled the same thing.
Finally, the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself.
With great difficulty, he made his way to the top.
‘By golly, he's right,’ said the husband.
‘It does look like they're making love down there!’
421 The Taxi Ride
A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night.
The passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk, and stops inches from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, ‘Look friend, don't EVER do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!’
The passenger apologizes and says he didn't realize that a ‘little tap’ could scare him so much.
The driver, after gathering himself together replied, ‘Sorry, it's not really your fault.
Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving hearses for the last 25 years!
422 The Lumberjack...
A LARGE, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack.
The very next day, a skinny little guy showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to scram.
‘Just give me a chance to show you what I can do,’ said the skinny man.
‘Okay, see that giant redwood over there?’ said the lumberjack.
‘Take your axe and go cut it down!’
The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door.’I cut the tree down,’ said the little man.
The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, ‘Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?’
‘In the Sahara Forest,’ replied the puny man.
‘You mean the Sahara Desert,’ said the lumberjack.
The little man laughed and answered back ‘Oh sure, that's what they call it now!’
423 Doing Our Part...
Rarely do I receive a chain letter I feel compelled to pass on, but under the circumstances....
President Bush has asked that we unite for a common cause.
Since the Taliban cannot stand nudity, and consider it a sin to see a naked woman that is not their wife, tomorrow night at 7:00 all peace-loving women between the ages of 21 & 35 are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighbourhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All men should position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they think it's ok to see other women nude (A cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment).
And to do my part, I'm buying stickers for all women who participate.
Stop by my house so I can put the sticker on you to show you helped!
Names and addresses of non- participants should be sent to CIA Headquarters, Langley, Virginia.
The United States and Canada appreciate your efforts and applaud you.
424 87 And Feeling Great...
An 87 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
A couple of days later, when the old man had an appointment with the doctor again, the doctor said, ‘You're really doing great, aren't you?’
The man replied, ‘Just doing what you said doctor, ‘Get a hot mama and be cheerful.’
The doctor said, ‘I didn't say that!... I said you have got a heart murmur. Be careful!’
425 How To Get Out Of Your Next Speeding Ticket...
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove-box, and that there was a body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding too!
426 DUI Test
A Georgia state patrolman pulled a car over for speeding about 20 miles from the Florida line on I-95. When the officer asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Jacksonville to do a show that night and didn't want to be late.
The patrolman told the driver that he was fascinated by juggling and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.
The juggler told him that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The patrolman told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his car and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler said he could, so the patrolman got three flares and lit them, and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled up behind the patrol car and a drunk got out and looked at the show, then went to the patrol car, opened the back door and got in.
The patrolman saw him do this and went over to his car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, ‘Just take me to jail... Hell, ain't no way I'm gonna pass that test.’
427 I Say, I Say
What do anniversaries and toilets have in common?
Men always miss both of them.
428 Armed Forces Radio Communication
This is an actual radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations, 10-10-95, MSG#H0000115020ecb52EMHS
#1: ‘Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.’
#2: ‘Recommend that you change YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.’
#1: ‘This is the captain of a U.S.Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.’
#2: ‘No, I say again divert YOUR course.’
#1: ‘This is the aircraft carrier Enterprise, we are a large warship of the U.S.Navy. Divert your course NOW!’
#2: ‘This is a lighthouse. Your call?’
429 The Suit...
The widow takes a look at her dear departed one right before the funeral and, to her horror, finds that he's in his brown suit. She'd specifically said to the undertaker that she wanted him buried in his blue suit; she'd brought it especially for that occasion, and she was angry that the mortician left him in the same brown suit he'd been wearing when the lightning bolt hit him.
She demanded that the corpse be changed into the blue suit she'd brought especially for that purpose.
The undertaker said, ‘But madam! It's only a minute or two until the funeral is scheduled to begin!
We can't possibly take him out and get him changed in that amount of time.’
The lady said, ‘Who's paying for this?’
Seeing the logic to this argument, a very reluctant mortician wheeled the coffin out, but then wheeled it right back in a moment later. Miraculously, the corpse was in a blue suit.
After the ceremony, a well-satisfied widow complimented the undertaker on the smooth and speedy service.
She especially wanted to know how he'd been able to get her husband into a blue suit so fast.
The funeral director said, ‘Oh, it was easy. It happens that there was another body in the back and he was already dressed in a blue suit. All we had to do was switch heads!’
430 Transplant_2-Heart to Heart...
A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his condition was.
The doctor examined him and told him his heart is failing and recommended a transplant.
The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money was no object.
‘I do have three hearts,’ said the doctor.
‘The first is from an 18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic, swimmer, with a great diet.
He hit his head on the swimming pool and died. It's $100,000.
The second is from a marathon runner, 25 years old, great condition, very strong.
He got hit by a bus. It's $150,000.
The third is from a heavy drinker, cigar smoker, and steak lover. It's $500,000.’
‘Hey, why is that heart so expensive? He lived a terrible life!’
‘Yes, but it's from a lawyer, so it's never been used.’
431 Make Me An Uncle...
Stan was seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barged in the room holding their newborn baby.
‘Stop! You can't do this!’ exclaimed the brother.
‘And why not?’ asked Stan.
‘Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday like my wife and I have here?’
Stan said nothing.
The brother grew impatient, ‘C'mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle.’
Stan couldn't take it anymore. He gave his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asked his brother, ‘You're SURE you want a nephew?’
‘Yes,’ the brother replied, ‘it would be an honour!’
‘Well congratulations, you're holding him.’
432 The Brave Firemen...
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant.
Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, ‘All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!’
As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance the other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before.
After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. Joyous the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers.
After thanking each of the old men individually the president asked the group what they intended to do with the money. The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said –
‘The first thing we're going to do is fix the blasted brakes on that truck!’
433 Black Magic...
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other.
When they had a fight, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
A constant statement was heard by the neighbours who feared the man the most...’When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!’ They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours.
He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket.
After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbours approached in a group to ask these questions:
Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? That this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said...
‘Nah... Let the old man dig. I had him buried upside down!’
434 The Traffic Ticket...
A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons.
He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the Judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
‘WHAT FOR?!?!?’ he snapped at the Judge.
The Judge, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: ‘Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!’
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the Judge relented: ‘That's all right. You don't have to pay now.’
The guy replied...’I know - I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words!’
435 Drowning Bush
One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help.
It was G. W. Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him.
He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.
The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money.
The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.
The third boy wanted a wheelchair.
Bush said, ‘Why do you want one of those, son, you're not handicapped?’
The boy replied, ‘I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved!’
436 The smart drunk.
A guy runs into a bar and says ''Bartender, quick! Give me 20 shots of your best Scotch!''
So the bartender lines up 20 shots of his best Scotch and watches this guy down one after the other.
''Man,'' the bartender says, ''I've never seen anyone drink shots that fast!’
''You'd drink them that fast too if you have what I have,'' the guy says.
''Oh my God,'' says the bartender, ''what do you have?''
''50 cents.''
437 Suit
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged.
Before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.
‘Guess what, sir?’ the clerk said, ‘I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!’
‘Do you mean that repulsive pink and blue double-breasted thing?’ the manager asked.
‘That's the one!’
‘That's great!’ the manager cried, ‘I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity!
That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?’
‘Oh that,’ the clerk replied, ‘after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me.’
438 Amazing Flying Turtle
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
‘Dear,’ she chirped, ‘I think it's time to tell him he's adopted.’
439 Falling
A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing.
‘Damn, that was stupid,’ she thought as she fell, ‘what a way to die.’
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, ‘Do you suck?’
‘No!’ she shrieked, aghast. So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her.
‘Do you screw?’ he asked.
‘Of course not!’ she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her, too. The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor.
‘I suck! I screw!’ she screamed in panic.
‘Slut!’ he said, and dropped her.
440 To Fit The Occasion, Some Facts About Men...
Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
If your husband gets a video camera for Fathers Day, lock the door when you go to the bathroom.
Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.
Men like phones with lots of buttons and other gadget they'll never figure out. It makes them feel important.
Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.
Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, ‘Are we going to have sex again?’
He said, ‘Yes, but not with each other.’
Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
... HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!
441 Buying The Farm...
A city slicker wanted to buy a farm. He found just what he was looking for.
During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.
He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees and there was no way he could consider this piece of land.
The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it.
Finally, the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that if ONE bee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free.
The buyer thought it over and decided it was worth the risk.
An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw the poor guy slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and asked if he had been stung.
The city fella looked up and weakly said, ‘No... The bees never touched me -but doesn't that calf have a mother?’
442 Definition
One evening a Panda Bear entered a brothel house. He kindly requested their best woman. The owner of the brothel house said 'Well, we've never had a Panda Bear visit us, much less one that could speak. I'll give you our best 'lady' in the house.'
After an hour or so, the Panda Bear went downstairs and started to leave through the front door. The owner of the brothel house explained that he needed to pay for the services he had just received.
The Panda Bear did not understand why he had to pay. The owner pulled out the dictionary and began to look up the definition of a brothel house to better explain this to the Panda Bear. She said, 'See, it says here in the dictionary that a brothel house is a place of business that receives payment for services rendered.'
The Panda Bear said, 'You are the one that doesn't understand!'
He grabbed the dictionary from the woman and looked up the word 'Panda Bear.’
He said, 'See, the definition of a Panda Bear is 'a fuzzy bear that eats shoots and leaves.'
443 Brothel
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.
Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
‘I'm 90 years old,’ he says.
‘90!’ replies the woman. ‘Don't you realize you've had it?’
‘Oh, sorry,’ says the old man, ‘how much do I owe you?’
444 Flames Of Passion
Pierre, a French Air Force pilot takes his girlfriend out for picnic lunch. After they've eaten his girlfriend leans over to him and says, ‘Kiss me Pierre.’
He grabs a bottle of red wine and splashes some on her lips.
‘Why did you do that?’ his girlfriend asked.
‘I'm Pierre the pilot, when I have my red meat, I want it with red wine.’
The two start kissing, and after a minute she asks him to kiss her breast. He takes some white wine and splashes it on her chest.
‘Why did you do that?’
‘I'm Pierre the pilot, when I have my white meat, I want it with white wine.’
They continue to make out, and she instructs him to kiss her a little lower. He takes a bottle of cognac splashes it on her, and then strikes a match. He then throws the match on her. She shrieks and dives into the river.
‘What was that for?’
‘I am Pierre the pilot, when I go down I go down in flames.’
445 The Chicken
One day a horny guy got tired of jacking off all the time so he started thinking, Hmm. I got to have a woman.’
He looks all over his house for money, but all he finds is two bucks. So he goes to the local whorehouse and says to the lady at the desk, ‘I need a woman’, and the lady responded with, ‘How much money do you have?’
He threw down the two dollars and she laughed at him and said, ‘You can't buy sex with a woman for two dollars!’
The guy felt horrible and almost started to cry, but a woman at another desk says, ‘Wait, for two dollars, I will let you fuck this chicken here!’
The guy immediately says, ‘No way, I ain't fucking no chicken!’ and he runs back home. When he gets home, all he can think about is that chicken.
He started to want the chicken more than a woman. So the next day he goes back to the whorehouse, drops the money on the desk and says, ‘Give me the chicken.’ So the lady gives him the chicken and tells him to go into the first room down the hall and to be back in an hour. So he goes into the room with a giant window on one side and starts fucking the chicken.
He fucks the chicken fifteen times and he does it so hard that he almost kills the chicken.
He brings the nearly dead chicken back to the woman at the desk and leaves. When he gets home, all he can think about is how great that chicken was, and how badly he wanted to fuck another chicken, so he borrows $5 from a friend and goes back to the whore house and says, ‘Give me the chicken, I need another chicken’, and the lady says, ‘You almost killed my other chicken, I won't let you harm another one.’ So he pleads, ‘Can't you give me something like a cat or a goat or something?’
The lady says, ‘Hmm. I guess I could let you watch two women finger each other.’ The guy stops and thinks about and decides that wouldn't be too bad and he gives her the money.
She tells him to go to the second door down the hall next to the room he was in yesterday.
He goes to the room and looks at many rows of chairs in front of a giant window looking into a little room. He takes his chair along with several other guys. The lights dim and two completely nude girls walk into the little room and start fingering each other.
The guy says to the person sitting next to him, ‘Man this is great, huh.’ And the person responds with, ‘Sure is. You should have been here yesterday when a guy fucked a chicken.’
446 The Not-So-Bright Experiment...
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
‘You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home.’
‘Why?’ asked somebody from the audience.
‘I watched my wife's routine at dinner for years,’ the expert explained.
‘She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.
One day I told her, 'Honey, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'
‘Did it save time?’ the guy in the audience asked.
‘Actually, yes,’ replied the expert. ‘It used to take her 30 minutes to make dinner. Now I do it in ten.’
447 Well Done!
A man's house is on fire. No help is in sight so he takes matters into his own hands.
He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside.
Then he runs back in and gets is daughter and brings her outside.
Then his wife. Then the dog. Then the cat.
Then he goes back in ‘3 more times’ without bringing out anybody or anything.
So a bystander is curious and asks him, ‘Why do you keep going back into your burning house and not coming out with anything?’
The man replies, ‘I'm turning over my mother in law.’
448 The drunk...
THREE GUYS are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, ‘Your mom's the best sex in town!’
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, ‘I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!’
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.
Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, ‘Your mom liked it!’
Finally, the guy just can't take it anymore. He looks at the drunk and yells - ‘Go home, Dad, you're drunk again!’
449 The 2 Hookers...
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: ‘TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00.’
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: ‘JESUS SAVES.’
One of the girls asked the cop: ‘How come you don't stop them?!’
‘Well, that's a little different,’ the cop smiled, ‘their sign pertains to religion.’
So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read:
‘TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER -- $50.00.’
450 A Mixed Bag Of Political Satire...
Q: What do you call someone in the White House who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law abiding, and truthful?
A: A tourist.
Q: What's the difference between the government and the Mafia?
A: One of them is organized.
Q: How many Branch Davidians can you fit in a car?
A: It depends on how big your ashtray is!
Canada, in view of recent events, will be changing the maple leaf on the flag to a marijuana plant.
That way, the people of Quebec will have good reason to burn the flag.
Finally... A few quotes from Marion Barry while Mayor of Washington DC:
‘If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate.’
(NO KIDDING!)
‘I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria, or Israel.
As mayor, I am an international symbol.
Can you deny that to Africa?’
(Obviously slept through geography class.)
‘The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which were black, were the ultimate sacrifice.’
(hmmm... Math not his strong point)
‘I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man.’
(No... You are a dork.)
451 Ahead
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head!
But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooop! - A torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant ‘Take another drink!’
But the bartender still shakes his head in dismay.
Swoooop! - Two arms pop out.
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again.
The patrons chant ‘Take another drink!’ The bartender ignores the whole affair.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.
Swoooop! - Two legs pop out.
The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God.
The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... Then to the right.... Right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly!
The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief.
The bartender sighs and says...’That boy should have quit while he was a head!’
452 Let's Talk
Alexander Potter was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen.
One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the television set.
‘Hey,’ Alex shouted, ‘what do you think you're doing?’
‘I am sick of sports, and I'm sick of TV,’ his wife replied, ‘you haven't touched me in months. We're going to talk about sex right now!’
‘Okay, Okay. So...’
After a moment, he asked, ‘How often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?’
453 Ted's A Goner...
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time.
After inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing.
‘Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!’
‘Oh dear! I'm very sorry’ replied her friend ‘What did you do?’
‘Opened a can of peas instead!’
454 A Monday Morning Gross-Out...
An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand.
He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, ‘Well, it looks plastic.’ Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, ‘But it feels like rubber.’
Curious, the attorney asked, ‘What do you have there?’
The drunk replied, ‘I don't know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber.’
The attorney responded, ‘Let me take a look.’
So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it.
‘Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure don't know what it is.
Where did you get it?’
The drunk replied, ‘Out of my nose!’
455 At The Pearly Gates...
A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident.
When they reach the pearly gates, Saint Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for admission.
The teacher is first, and Saint Peter asks, ‘Name the famous ship that was sunk by an iceberg?’
‘Phew, that one's easy,’ says the teacher, ‘The Titanic.’
‘ Alright,’ said St. Peter, ‘you may pass.’
Then the thief got his question: ‘How many died on the Titanic?’
The thief replied, ‘That's a toughy, but fortunately I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500 people.’
And so he passed through.
Saint Peter then looked at the lawyer and said: ‘Name them.’
456 The 2 Kooks...
A doctor of psychology was doing his morning rounds when he entered a patient's room.
He found his first patient sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Another patient was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked the patient on the floor what he was doing.
The patient replied, ‘Can't you see? I'm sawing this piece of wood in half!’
The doctor then inquired as to why the other guy was hanging from the ceiling.
The guy on the floor says, ‘Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy.
He thinks he's a light-bulb Doc.’
The doctor looks up and notices the guys face is going all red.
The doctor asks the wood cutter...’If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?’
And the patient replies - ‘What? And work in the dark!’
457 Help From Canada On The Way...
PRESS RELEASE:
Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington Statement by the Press Secretary President Bush and Prime Minister John Chretien of Canada met on Sept.24th with the Canadian Leader strongly supporting the war on terrorism. Prime Minister Chretien issued the following statement:
CANADIANS WILL HELP AMERICA WITH THE WAR ON TERRORISM!
WE HAVE PLEDGED:
- 2 BATTLE SHIPS,
- 600 GROUND TROOPS,
- 6 FIGHTER JETS.
AFTER THE AMERICAN EXCHANGE RATE, THEY WILL END UP WITH:
- 2 CANOES,
- 6 MOUNTIES,
AND A BUNCH OF FLYING SQUIRRELS
458 Pet Octopus
A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender ‘give us two beers over here!’
The bartender walks over and sees the octopus and he says ‘Didn't you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed.’
The man say's to the bartender ‘oh but you don't understand this is a special octopus and he can play any instrument that you have.’
The bartender replied back ‘well I'll tell you what if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free’
The bartender went up to the band playing and he got a guitar. He put it down on the bar.
The octopus crawled up on the bar and felt around the guitar for a little while when finally he picked it up and started playing it. He was so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!
The bartender was amazed and at this point he said ‘alright lets try one more.’ This time he went into the back room and brought out a dusty old set of bagpipes promptly put them on the bar and said, ‘let's see him play this.’
The octopus started crawling all over the bagpipes. He continued this for quite a while, when the bartender shouted out ‘ See I knew he couldn't play all these instruments’ The man replied, ‘Just give him a moment, as soon as he sees he can't have sex with it, He will play it!’
459 Advice For The Day...
The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere... And let the air out of their tires!
460 Teddy Bears
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, ‘Well, how was it?’ The woman says, ‘You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.’
461 Generally Speaking...
It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.
A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out ‘Sir, Good Evening, Sir!’
The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said ‘Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?’
Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied - ‘Sir, Yes Sir!’
The General continued, ‘You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?’
The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a private, and responded ‘Sir, Yes Sir!’
The General, pointing at the dog, ‘This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train.’
The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said ‘Sir, Yes Sir!’
The General continued ‘I got this dog for my wife.’
The Private simply said ‘Good trade Sir!’
462 The Divorce...
A man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer.
During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions.
‘Your Honour,’ replied the defendant, ‘that man represented me in a bitter divorce. One day he said my property settlement hearing was about to be held. The Judge would decide that afternoon what I would get and what Rose would get. My lawyer told me I didn't have to be present and ‘not to worry.’
‘I can't see why you'd punch a man for that,’ interrupted the Judge.
‘Wait, there's more... When I asked my attorney later about the settlement, he told me to look on the bright side. I asked why. Then he said, ‘Because everything's coming up Rose's.’
‘That's when I hit him!’
463 Here's Little Johnny!...
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, since he sometimes could be a bit crude.
But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.
Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.’It's a period,’ reported Johnnie.
‘Well I can see that,’ she said.’But what is so exciting about a period.’
‘Damned if I know,’ said Johnnie, ‘but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the guy next door shot himself!’
464 Quick Thinking!...
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.
The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails.
Very grudgingly he agreed.
He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach.
As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself ‘Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me.’ He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him.
They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place. They were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they started messing around. It got so hot and heavy, that he was exhausted afterwards and passed out there.
At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, ‘Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!’
He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door.
He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment.
He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails.
There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time.
He looked at the snails on the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said - ‘Come on guys, we're almost there!’
465 The Sergeant Learns A Lesson?
A TOUGH U. S. Marine sergeant got word that the father of one of his men had passed away.
At roll call he snapped: ‘Hey, Smith, your father died!’ The Marine fainted on the spot.
A week later the sister of another Marine died, and the sergeant once again called his men together.
‘Jones,’ he yelled out, ‘your sister died last night!’ The Marine burst into tears.
Finally, word got back to the general about the sergeant's insensitivity, and he was called on the carpet and told to be less direct and gruff when one of his men suffered a tragedy.
A week later the sergeant was notified that Private Miller had just lost his mother.
Remembering what the general had said, he lined up his troop and ordered: ‘Everyone whose mother is alive, please take one step forward - NOT SO FAST, MILLER!’
466 Dogs And Light Bulbs?
Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Rottweiler: Make me!
Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls.
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Mastiff: Screw it yourself! I'm not afraid of the dark...
Doberman: While it's out, I'll just take a nap on the couch.
Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?
Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs -- people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again?
Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?
Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Basset Hound: Zzzz...
467 ‘Weird Reference Questions’
(These are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv.
All of these are real and provide proof that a ‘better idiot’ can be invented.)
‘Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?’
‘Do you have that book by Rushdie: 'Satanic Nurses'?’
(Actual title: ‘Satanic Verses’)
‘I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?’
‘Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?’
hahahaha... What a bone head!
‘Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?’
hmmm... I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen... Do you?
‘I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck.’
(No... That's your brain miss-firing.)
‘I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months.’
(I know... How about shooting yourself? That would get you life in prison!)
‘I need a colour photograph of George Washington.’
(Ok... Hold on... I'll check with the caveman...)
‘Is the basement upstairs?’ (Asked at First Floor Reference Desk)
This one gets the golden stupidity award!
468 The Cure For Hiccups...
A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups.
The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face.
‘What the heck did you do that for!?!’ the man screams.
‘Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore do you?’
The man says, ‘No I don't, you IDIOT...
But my wife out in the car still does!’
469 Rabbit Droppings.
One day a boy and hid father were walking through the woods when the son spotted some rabbit droppings.
The boy asked hid Dad, ''What are these Pop?''
''They're smart pills son,'' said his father.
''Eat them and they'll make you smarter.’
So he ate them and said, ''Yuck... These taste like poop!''
''See,'' said his father, ''you're already getting smarter!''
470 A History Lesson!
On my last trip to Canada, I had the rare pleasure of meeting the leading historian of this great country. Out of curiosity I asked him how their county got it's name.
Below is his explanation...
There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada.
‘You know,’ said the first explorer, ‘we should name this place we're hiking through.’
‘I agree,’ said the second explorer.
‘Great idea’ quipped the third explorer.
‘We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that.’
‘Okay,’ said the third, ‘I'll go first. C, eh.’
The second said: ‘N, eh.’
The first...’D, eh.’
And now you know the story.
471 The New Business...
A young businessman had just started his own firm.
He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He spotted a man coming into the outer office.
Wishing to appear the hot shot, the new businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working, flinging papers around and talking big.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, ''And what can I do for you?''
To which the visitor replied ''Not much, I've come to activate your phone lines.''
472 Become A Doctor
My son is nearing the time to decide on his life's career.
I told him to become a doctor. It's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill!
473 A Logical Explanation
474 Why you should drink beer.
Guys... Print this out and have it ready to read to ‘you know who.’
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers!
475 The Early Riser
A visitor to a bed-and-breakfast inn in the country awoke early one morning to find the farmer and his family still asleep. Slightly irritated at not having his breakfast even begun yet, he took a glass and went out to the barn to try his hand at milking the cow himself.
Later on his way back into the house, he met the farmer and his wife who had just come downstairs to begin the day's work.’What cha doin' out in my barn, fella?’ the farmer demanded.
The visitor replied, ‘Well, I woke up at 8 o'clock and you were still asleep, and breakfast wasn't ready, so I thought I would go out and milk the cow myself. It took longer than I thought it would, but after a few minutes she finally filled the glass all at one time.’
He then took a long drink from his glass and asked, ‘Say, what kind of cow is that, anyway?’
‘We don't have a cow, son.’ The farmer replied, ‘we have a bull.’
476 The Bridge Club
Audrey Greyson was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only relief Audrey got from her chores was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with a dozen other women. The only flaw in the bridge club relationship was that Audrey loved to tell off-colour stories and the girls didn't want to hear them.
To teach Audrey a lesson, the other women decided that the next time she told an off-colour story they'd just get up, walk out, and meet at another home but without Audrey.
Sure enough, at the next bridge club meeting, Audrey started, ‘You know, girls, there's a rumour going around that a busload of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big gold find up in Alaska, and they say...’. Just then, the women all stood up and started for the door.
Audrey was disconcerted, but only for a moment. Then she understood what was going on and said, ‘Hey! Girls! Hold on, hold on! There's plenty of time because the bus doesn't leave until morning!’
477 A Long Night
A drunk phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car.
‘They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,’ he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line.
‘Never mind,’ the drunk said with a hiccup, ‘I got in the back seat by mistake.’
478 Peanuts
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts.
To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl.
‘You look great tonight!’ it said.
‘You really look fantastic... And that aftershave is just wonderful!’
The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it.
Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine.
‘You BASTARD... Oh my god you STINK... Do you know, you're almost as ugly as your mother?’
By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the bartender for an explanation.
‘Ah yes sir,’ the bartender responds, ‘The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order.’
479 An Act of Kindness
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop and said, ‘I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer.’
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel.
They accepted gladly, as can be expected, and were on their way.
About a month later the little lady came in to his shop.
‘And how did you like your holiday?’ he asked eagerly.
‘The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,’ she said, ‘I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?’
480 Satan's Lawyer
A Chicago lawyer named George successfully defends a major crime lord from charges of dealing drugs, racketeering, murder, kidnapping, and selling arms.
As he is leaving the courtroom, an indignant old woman grabs him by the arm.
‘Young man, where are your Christian scruples? I believe you would defend Satan himself!’
‘I don't know,’ George says, ‘what has your kid done?’
481 The Job Interview
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, ‘And what starting salary were you looking for?’
The Engineer said, ‘In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.’
The interviewer said, ‘Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?’
The Engineer sat up straight and said, ‘Wow! Are you kidding?’
And the interviewer replied, ‘Yeah, but you started it.’
482 The Chilli
A man enters a cafe and sits down. He notices that the special of the day is cold chilli. When the waitress comes to take his order, he says, ‘I'll take the cold chilli.’
‘I'm sorry, the gentleman next to you got the last bowl,’ says the waitress.
‘Oh, I'll just have coffee, then.’
After a while the man notices that the guy next to him who got the last bowl of cold chilli is finishing a rather large meal and the chilli bowl is still full.
He asks, ‘Are you going to eat that?’
The other man replies, ‘No.’
‘Would you sell it to me?’
‘You can have it for free if you want it.’
So the man takes the bowl of chilli and begins to eat it. When he gets about half way through the bowl, he notices a dead mouse in the bowl and pukes the chilli back into the bowl.
The other man says sympathetically, ‘That's about as far as I got, too.’
483 The Diagnosis-1
A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. However, he would have to charge him $50 for his diagnosis.
The man is clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, and demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room, comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.
The vet looks at the man and says, ‘I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too.’
The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet goes out and brings in a black labrador.
The Labrador sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.
The vet looks at the man and says, ‘I'm sorry, but the labrador thinks your dog is dead, too.’
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.
The vet answers, ‘$550.’
‘$550 to tell me my dog is dead?’ exclaimed the man, ‘but it was $50 a minute ago and you didn’t do anything else.’
‘Well,’ the vet replies, ‘I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests.’
484 The Diagnosis-2
This really really old guy is walking on the beach one day.
He hears a little teenie tiny voice calling out ‘Hey Mister .. Pssst ... Come here.’
He looks around and sees a little tiny frog under a palm tree. He picks it up and it says ‘Hey Mister ... If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful young woman and your wishes will be my commands forever.’
He takes the frog, puts it in his pocket, and starts to walk back toward home.
The frog says ‘Hey, what are ya doing? Don't ya want to kiss me?’
The old man says, ‘No ... To tell you the truth, at my age, a talking frog is worth a whole lot more to me.’
485 The Irishman
A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin on St. Patty's Day and his car is weaving violently all over the road.
An Irish cop pulls him over.
‘So,’ says the cop to the driver, ‘where have you been?’
‘I've been to the pub,’ slurs the drunk.
‘Well,’ says the cop, ‘it looks like you've had quite a few.’
‘I did all right,’ the drunk says with a smile.
‘Did you know,’ says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, ‘that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?’
‘Oh, thank heavens,’ sighs the man, ‘for a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.’
486 The Mourner
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, ‘Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?’
The first man approached him and said, ‘Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?’
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, ‘My wife's first husband.’
487 A Fable
There was an old man, a boy, and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy should ride. As they went along they passed some people who thought that it was a shame for the boy to ride and the old man to walk. The old man and boy decided that maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some more people who thought that it was a real shame for that man to make such a small boy walk. The two decided that maybe they both should walk.
Soon they passed some more people who thought that it was stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride. The man and the boy decided maybe the critics were right so, they decided that they both should ride.
They soon passed other people who thought that it was a shame to put such a load on a poor little animal. The old man and the boy decided that maybe the critics were right, so they decided to carry the donkey.
As they crossed a bridge they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story: If you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your ass.
488 What's in a Name
It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she replied, ‘Happy Butt.’
The teacher said, ‘Honey I don't think that's your name you need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out.’ So she went to the principal's office and he asked, ‘What's your name?’ And the little girl said, ‘Happy Butt.’
The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out once and for all. After getting off the phone he looked at the little girl and said, ‘Honey, your name's is Gladys, not Happy Butt.’
The girl then exclaimed, ‘Glad Ass, Happy Butt’ what's the difference?
489 The Looney Bin
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, ‘I am Napoleon!’
Another one said, ‘How do you know?’
The first inmate said, ‘God told me!’
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, ‘I did not!’
490 Corporate Decisions
There was a boss who was told by his boss that he had to get rid of at least one employee. So he narrowed the decision to one of two new employees, Jack or Mary. He then decided to speak to each one privately, and let their reactions help guide his decision.
So he called in Jack, explained the situation and, of course, Jack said he didn't want to lose his job, but he understood the boss's situation.
Then he called in Mary, and said, ‘Mary, I've got a problem; By the end of the day, I've got to lay you or Jack off...’
And Mary says, ‘Then you're gonna have to jack off, buster, I've got a headache!’
491 A Jury Full of Lawyers
A Judge in a semi-small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial.
It was nearly 4 P. M. and getting a jury would take time, so the Judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to empanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the Judge back to the courtroom.
The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury room, the Judge started getting ready to go home and everyone waited.
After nearly three hours, the Judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict.
When the bailiff returned, the Judge said, ‘Well have they got a verdict yet?’
The bailiff shook his head and said, ‘Verdict? Hell, they're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!’
492 Twins
A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption at birth. One of the twins went to a family in Egypt, and was named ‘Amal.’ The other twin went to a family in Spain, and they named him ‘Juan.’
Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responded, ‘But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.’
493 What To Do For A Cough
John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.
Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might, John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning, he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.
Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.
‘He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once,’ John explained.
‘Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!’ Bob shouted angrily.
‘Sure it will,’ John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamppost.
‘Look at him. He's afraid to cough.’
494 Survival Skills
At the site of the crash, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of other bones, he noticed the rescue team.
‘Thank God’, he cried out in relief, ‘I am saved!’
The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades.
The survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame.
‘You can't Judge me for this,’ he insisted, ‘I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?’
The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief.
‘I won't Judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man, your plane only went down yesterday!’
495 Wishful Thinking
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbour to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, ‘He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.’
The next-door neighbour protested, ‘Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.’
The wife replied, ‘Yes, but who wants HIM back?’
496 The Brilliance of Humanity
A man and his wife arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up their car, but were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. They went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As they watched from the passenger's side, the guy instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open.
‘Hey,’ the man announced to the technician, ‘It's open!’
‘I know,’ answered the young man, ‘I already got that side.’
497 The Flood
A man comes home in the middle of the day and finds his young wife standing in the middle of their deluxe apartment wearing a red G-string, 7 inch steel heels and the whole apartment is flooded.
‘What happened here?’ he asks.
‘I think the waterbed busted,’ says the trembling wife. Just then a naked guy floats by.
‘Who's that?’ demands the husband.
‘I dunno, must be a life guard.’
498 The Arrest
When John got arrested, he was told, ‘Anything you say will be held against you.’
John responded, ‘Pamela Anderson.’
499 The Potato
One day, two friends were on the beach.
The smaller of the two was in awe about how many women his friend was attracting.
‘William,’ he said, ‘how do you attract so many women and I so few?’
‘Well Patrick,’ the other said, ‘go home and put a potato in your pants and that will drive the women wild.’ The next day, they came back to the beach. William was still attracting all of the women, but much to Patrick’s surprise, all of the women were avoiding him more than usual.
‘William,’ Patrick said, ‘I've gone home and found the biggest potato I could, put it in my pants, and now all of the women are running away. What did I do wrong?’
William looked him over and said, ‘Patrick, have you considered putting that potato in the front of your pants?’
500 Dead Give-Away
A man was out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled him over. The policeman walked up to the man and asked, ‘Have you been drinking, sir?’
‘Why? Was I weaving all over the road?’
‘No,’ replied the policeman, ‘you were driving splendidly. It was the really ugly girl in the passenger seat that gave you away.’
501 The Wedding Night
Mario and Marie, a nice young couple, were getting married and planned on living with Marie's mother until they could establish a place of their own. On their wedding night, they went upstairs and were getting ready for bed.
Mario started to get undressed, taking off his shirt first and he had hair all over his chest.
Marie ran downstairs and told her mother.
‘Momma! Momma! He’s got hair all over his chest!’
Her mother replied, ‘Marie, you go upstairs and make your momma proud.’
So Marie ran upstairs and found Mario taking off his pants.
He was extremely hairy all over his legs.
Marie ran down the steps to tell her mother.
‘Momma, he’s got hair all over his legs.’
‘Marie, you go upstairs and make your Momma proud.’
Marie ran upstairs and found her new husband sitting on the bed taking off his socks.
Unfortunately, he had lost half of his foot in the war.
Marie took one look, ran downstairs and said, ‘Momma, Momma, he’s got a foot and a half!’
At this, Momma yelled, ‘Marie, you wait here. I'm gonna go upstairs!’
502 Dinosaur Bones
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History were marvelling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asked the guard, ‘Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?’
The guard replied, ‘They are 3 million, four years and six months old.’
‘That's an awfully exact number,’ says the tourist, ‘how do you know their age so precisely?’
The guard answered, ‘Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.’
503 The Slide
John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away, noticed that John was ever so slowly, silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned.
Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John had disappeared under the table. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, ‘Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.’
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, ‘Oh, no. He didn't, he just walked in the door.’
504 The Invitation
With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, ‘Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight.’
His wife replied, ‘What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!’
The husband said, ‘I know all that.’
‘Then why in the world did you invite your friend for supper tonight?’ asked the wife.
The guy answered, ‘Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.’
505 The Rookie
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said, ‘Let's get off the corner.’
No one moved, so he barked again, ‘Let's get off the corner!’
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, ‘Well, how did I do?’
‘Pretty good,’ replied the veteran, ‘especially since this was a bus stop.’
506 The Court Trial
A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander.
‘Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them,’ instructed the lawyer.
The witness hesitated.
‘But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear,’ she protested.
‘Then,’ said the attorney, ‘just whisper them to the Judge.’
507 The Psychiatrist's Diagnosis
A woman went to a psychiatrist because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, ‘Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?’
‘Well, yes, I did once.’
‘And how did he look?’
‘Very angry.’
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, ‘Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that one time?’
‘He was looking through the window at us.’
508 The Rude Student
A pre-med student had to take a difficult class in physics. One day, the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, ‘Why do we have to learn this stuff?’
‘To save lives,’ the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again.
‘So, how does physics save lives?’ he persisted.
‘It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school,’ replied the professor.
509 Ranch Intelligence
A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name.
‘Well,’ said the would-be cattleman, ‘I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favoured Suzy-Q, one son liked the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y.’
‘But where are all your cattle?’ the friends asked.
‘None survived the branding.’
510 The Interested Doctor
A concerned woman phones a doctor and says, ‘Doctor, I'm worried about my husband. He thinks he's a dog!’
‘I'm coming over right away,’ the doctor says. When the doctor arrives, the woman opens the door and her husband, on all four, starts wagging his bottom and licking the doctor's hand.
‘Interesting’, the doctor says, startled. I'll examine him. Make him lie down on the sofa.’
‘Doctor’, the woman says, ‘I can't! He's not allowed the sofa!’
511 Little Johnny on a Scavenger Hunt
It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming, ‘Please come quickly,’ she yelled, ‘I just saw a naked man outside my window!’
The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room.
‘Where is he?’ asked the receptionist.
‘He's over there,’ replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel. The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment.
‘It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed,’ she said reassuringly.
‘And how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?’
‘The dresser, honey!’ screamed the old lady, ‘try standing on the dresser!’
512 Old Man's Revenge
An old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels' bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter.
The second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the counter.
The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, ‘Humph, not much of a man was he?’
The waitress replied, ‘Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles.’
513 The Ugliest One
There was a middle aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later, delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child.
‘Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered.’
Then he gave her a stern look and asked, ‘Have you been fooling around on me?’
The wife just smiled sweetly and said, ‘Not this time.’
514 The Question
A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, ‘I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?’
‘About 35,’ was the reply.
‘I'm actually 47,’ the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonalds for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, ‘Oh, you look about 29.’
‘I am actually 47!’ she said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, ‘I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand down your shirt I will be able to tell your exact age.’
There was no one around, so the woman said, ‘What the hell?’ and let him slip his hand down her shirt.
After feeling around for a while, the old man said, ‘OK, You are 47.’
Stunned, the woman said, ‘That was brilliant! How did you do that?’
The old man replied, ‘I was behind you in line at McDonalds.’
515 Show Off
There was a young woman who lived with her grandmother. One night the granddaughter came bouncing down the stairs dressed to go out to a party wearing a see through blouse without a bra. Her grandmother told her to go back up stairs and ‘dress decent.’
The young woman said, ‘No, I want to show off my rosebuds,’ and went out the door. The next day the granddaughter came outside to find her grandmother on the porch wearing the see through blouse without a bra.
‘Grandmother! What are you doing? My boyfriend and a couple of other friends are coming over any time now!’ she cried, ‘Please go change your blouse, I'm so embarrassed!’
The older woman replied, ‘Well if you can show off your rosebuds then I can show off my hanging baskets.’
516 The Trick
A little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, ‘I'm so happy to see you, Grandma. Now maybe Daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.’
The grandmother was curious.
‘What trick is that my dear?’ she asked.
The little boy replied, ‘I heard Daddy tell Mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again.’
517 Watch It
‘When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.
‘If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you.’
518 Doctor's Poker Game
A well-respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
‘We need a fourth for poker,’ said the friend.
‘I'll be right over,’ whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, ‘Is it serious?’
‘Oh yes, quite serious,’ said the doctor gravely, ‘In fact, three doctors are there already!’
519 The Choice
There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally came down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both came from good families. Both were equally attractive and well spoken. It was up to the senior partner to choose one, so he took each aside and asked, ‘Why did you become a lawyer?’
In seconds, he chose Paul.
Baffled, Robert took Paul aside.
‘I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?’
‘I said I became a lawyer because of my hands,’ Robert replied.
‘Your hands? What do you mean?’
‘Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!’
520 Where Did I Come From?
One day a little girl went up to her mother and asked, ‘Mommy, where did I come from?’
Her mother stammered a bit, but finally got her composure. She thought it was time her daughter knew the facts of life. So, she told Little Rita how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed in the womb and finally how a child was born.
As the mother gave the whole story, Rita's eyes got wider and wider. When she was finished, Little Rita said, ‘Wow, that's really neat. That sure beats what Uncle Rusty told me. He said that he came from Pennsylvania.’
521 Marital Bliss?
A husband and wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed.
The man says to his wife, ‘Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill.’ She ignored the remark.
A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, ‘Geez, your butt really IS as wide as the grill!’ She ignores this remark as well.
Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, ‘If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken.’
522 Quick Thinking
One day, Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of beers. The passenger, Bubba, said, ‘Lookey thar up ahead, Earl. It's a po-leece roadblock. We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!’
‘Don't worry, Bubba,’ Earl said, ‘we'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the labels and stick 'em on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat.’
‘What fer?’ asked Bubba.
‘Just let me do the talking, okay?’ said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked, ‘Have you boys been drinking?’
‘No sir,’ replied Earl, ‘we're on the patch!’
523 The Switch
A young couple were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly bruiser, tossed his pants to his bride and said, ‘Here, put these on.’
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
‘I can't wear your pants,’ she said.
‘That's right and don't forget it,’ said the husband, ‘I'm the man in this family.’
With that, she flipped him her panties and said, ‘Try these on.’ He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
He said, ‘Hell, I can't get into your pants.’
She said, ‘That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until your damn attitude changes!’
524 A Great Deal
Two computer science students met on campus one day. The first student called out to the other, ‘Hey, nice bike! Where did you get it?’
‘Well,’ replied the other, ‘I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young co-ed rode up on this bike. She jumped off, took off all of her clothes, and said, ‘You can have ANYTHING you want!’
‘Good choice,’ said the first, ‘her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway.’
525 Strange Ritual
Joe stopped at his favourite watering hole after a hard day's work to relax. He noticed a man next to him order a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket. This continued several times before Joe's curiosity got the best of him.
He leaned over to the guy and said, ‘Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?’
The man replied, ‘There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home!’
526 Between Innings
Two teenagers wander off to the bushes during a softball game on the outskirts of town and start necking.
After a while the boy stops.
‘You know we've been doing this for a few weeks now and I think it's time we went all the way’ he pleads.
‘Well, maybe,’ she says, ‘but I'm a virgin and I heard it hurts. Besides all those people at the field may hear us.’
The boy stops and says, ‘Hmmm, well then if it hurts, start making cow sounds, and I'll stop. But if it feels good, start singing. That way no one will ever guess what we're really doing.’
The girl agrees so they quickly take off their clothes and get down to business. Ten minutes later people watching the game hear sounds echoing through the quiet countryside so loudly that the teams stop playing.
‘Mooooooooo ... Moooooooo ... Moooooon River ...!’
527 Black Eyes...
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye.
He says to him, Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if ask how you got yours?
Other guy: Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with huge, huge breasts was there. So, instead of saying I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh. She socked me one.
First guy: Mine was a tongue twister too.
I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife:
‘Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties.’
But I accidentally said: ‘You ruined my life you piece of crap!’
528 Would You Like A Pun With Your Burger?
One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids along a new bus route.
At the first stop, he picked up a fat little girl. Grover asked, ‘What's your name?’
‘Patty’ she replied. She had a seat in the back of the bus.
On the next stop there was a handicapped boy named Ross. All the kids called him ‘Special Ross.’
Then a young man named Lester Cheese loaded onto the bus, sat down, took off his shoes and began picking at his bunions.
Finally the last stop came up, and another chubby little girl got on.
Grover had never met her, so he asked her what her name and her name was also Patty.
On the way to school, Grover looked in his mirror and began to laugh, He was thinking...
‘Dang, I have two obese Patty's, Special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunions, on a Sesame Street bus!’
529 No Tie - No Enter!
So this guy wants to go into a nightclub, but the bouncer says - ‘Sorry, bud, you need a tie for this place... Now hit the road.’
He goes back to his car and rummages around, but there's no necktie to be found. He really wants to get into the nightclub but has no idea what to do.
Finally, in desperation, he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a nice knot, and lets the ends dangle free. He heads back to the nightclub.
He goes back to the nightclub and walks up to the bouncer and shows him his tie.
The bouncer says...
‘Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But don't start anything!’
530 2 Cute Ones About Kids...
One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church.
As she ran she kept praying, ‘Dear God, please don't let me be late to church. Please don't let me be late to church....’
As she was running she tripped and fell.
When she got back up she began praying again...
‘Please, God don't let me be late to church -- but don't shove me either!’
531 The New Baby...
A woman gives birth to a baby and afterward the doctor comes into the room and says, ''I have something to tell you about your child...''
The woman slowly sits up with a worried look on her face and says, ''What's wrong with it?''
The doctor says, ''There's nothing really wrong with it, it's just a little different! It's a hermaphrodite.''
The woman looks confused.
''A hermaphrodite, what's that?''
The doctor replies, ''It has both features of a male and a female.''
The woman looks at him and says ‘whew.’..’You mean it has a penis AND a brain?''
532 A New Pair Of Shoes...
A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes.
‘How do they feel?’ asks the sales clerk.
‘Well they feel a bit tight,’ replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet.
‘Try pulling the tongue out,’ the clerk says.
‘Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth.’
(DOH!)
533 Baby's Revenge...
A woman goes to the hospital, and her doctor gives her a sonogram.
He sees the baby and suddenly the baby says, ‘Are you my daddy?’
The doctor is shocked and goes to get another doctor, who looks at the sonogram.
The baby says again, ‘Are you my daddy?’
The doctor says, ‘No, I'm not your father.’
They go to get the dad, the father looks at his baby boy and the baby asked, ‘Are you my daddy?’
And the father says, ‘Yes, I am!’
So, the baby pops out of the mother's womb, picks up his hand, and starts poking the father in the head while saying...
‘How do you like that?! How do you like that?!’
534 The Interviews
There was a man who was in a horrible accident and was injured. The only permanent damage he suffered, though, was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this unusual condition, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears.
Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business. He decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a business.
So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm.
But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business.
He picked out three top candidates and interviewed each of them.
The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy.
His last question for this first candidate was, ‘Do you notice anything unusual about me?’
The guy said, ‘Now that you mention it, you have no ears.’
The man got really upset and threw the guy out.
The second interview went even better than the first. This candidate was much better than the first.
Again, to conclude the interview, the man asked the same question again, ‘Do you notice anything unusual about me?’
This guy also noticed, ‘Yes, you have no ears.’
The man was really upset again and threw this second candidate out.
Then he had the third interview.
The third candidate was even better than the second, the best out of all of them.
Almost certain that he wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked, ‘Do you notice anything unusual about me?’
The guy replied, ‘Yeah, you're wearing contact lenses.’
Surprised, the man then asked, ‘Wow! That's quite perceptive of you!
How could you tell?’
The guy burst out laughing and said, ‘Well, You can't wear glasses if you don't have any ears!’
535 The Unscrupulous Businessman
An unscrupulous businessman was feeling very ill and went to the doctor. The doctor examined him and backed away, saying, ‘I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have an advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal.’
‘Could you give me a pen and paper?’ said the businessman.
‘Do you want to write your will?’
‘No, I want to make a list of all the people I want to bite.’
536 What to Wear with the IRS
A man who was called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.
‘Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper,’ the accountant replied.
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice.
‘Do not let them intimidate you? Wear your most elegant suit and tie.’
Confused, the man went to his Rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma.
‘Let me tell you a story,’ replied the Rabbi, ‘a woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night, ‘Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a v-neck right down to your navel.’
The man protested: ‘What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?’
The Rabbi replied, ‘No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed.’
537 The Bitter Soldier
The soldier serving in eastern Asia was annoyed and upset when his girl sent him a ‘Dear John’ letter, breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
The serviceman went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find. Then he bundled them all together and sent them back to the girl with a note saying: ‘Regret cannot remember which one is you - please keep your photo and return the others.’
538 Two Irish Friends
Two old Irishmen were sitting at the local pub drinking a few beers.
So, Thomas O'Ryan said to Liam Halloren, ‘Liam, me buddy, me ol' pal. When I die would you please pour a couple of beers o'er me grave?’
Liam said, ‘Why certainly, but could I pour it through me bladder first?’
539 The Telegram
A German Shepherd went to a Western Union telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: ‘Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof’
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, ‘There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.’
‘But,’ the dog replied, ‘That would make no sense at all.’
540 Three Engineers
Four engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, ‘It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.’
Another said, ‘No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.’
The third said, ‘No, it was a civil engineer. Look at the superbly functional overall design.’
The last said, ‘Actually it got screwed up by an architect. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?’
541 Last Wishes
A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes and was short.
The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, ''Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me -- is our youngest son my child?''
The wife replied, ''I swear on everything that is holy that he is your son.''
With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, ''Thank God he didn't ask about the other three.''
542 Last Wishes
Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.
‘Sidney thought of everything,’ she told them. ‘Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. 'Tillie,' he told me, 'I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then, I can rest in peace.’’
‘What was in the envelopes?’ her friends asked.
‘The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note, 'Please use this money to buy a nice casket.'‘
So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with such a comfortable lining that I know Sidney is resting very comfortably.’
‘The second envelope contained $10,000 with a note, 'Please use this for a nice funeral'‘
I arranged Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favourite foods for everyone attending.’
‘And the third envelope?’ asked her friends.
‘The third envelope contained $25,000 with a note, 'Please use this to buy a nice stone.'‘
Holding her hand in the air, Tillie said... ‘So, do you like my stone?’ showing off her 10 carat diamond ring.
543 The Swimming Race
Three blokes enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms, the second no legs, and the third has no body, just a head.
They all line up, the whistle blows and ‘splash’ they're all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly, but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head sank straight to the bottom.
Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue the head guy. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.
Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts, ‘Three goddamn years I've spent learning to swim with my goddamn ears. Then five seconds before the whistle, some bastard puts a swimming cap on me.’
544 The Physicist
There was this physicist who was in the habit of getting home quite late. One time, he came home at 2:30 a. M. With a torn shirt, lipstick on his collar, hair messed up, and generally looking like a wreck. His wife caught him coming in the door and demanded to know why he came home so late.
His replied, ‘Well, after I quit work for the day, a few friends and I went out to the bar for a few drinks. We met up with some rather good-looking young women and started to drink to excess. Things just kept happening, as you can well see. I sobered up enough to note how late it was, so I rushed home.’
She screamed, ‘You liar! You were in the lab again, weren't you?’
545 McDonalds
A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him a verbal jab, ‘They don't serve beer here, you moron!’
The German fellow felt embarrassed, however he turned to the New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and begins to chuckle.
‘And what's so funny?’ the New Yorker demands.
‘Oh, nothing really, I just realized how stupid you are. You came here for the food!’
546 The Looney Bin
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, ‘I am Napoleon!’
Another one said, ‘How do you know?’
The first inmate said, ‘God told me!’
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, ‘I did not!’
547 Two Cows
Two cows were looking over a gate. One said to the other, ‘What do you think about this mad cow disease?’
The other cow looked over and replied, ‘Why should I care? I'm a helicopter.’
548 Which One?
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counsellor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes.
‘Oh,’ said the counsellor, ‘I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse.’
549 Not So Smart Doctor
A man was in bad shape. He constantly gasped for breath and his eyes bulged. The doctors didn't give him long to live. He decided to live it up. Withdrawing all of his money from the bank, he went on a shopping spree. His last stop was at the most expensive haberdashery in the city.
He pointed out a dozen silk shirts. He wore a size fourteen. The clerk said, ‘Your neck looks bigger than fourteen. You need a sixteen.’
The man said, ‘I know my size. I want them in a fourteen.’
The clerk said, ‘I'll get them for you, but I want to warn you... If you wear a fourteen you'll gasp all day and your eyes will bulge.’
550 Smart Kid
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighbourhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
‘There's a car being towed from the parking lot,’ he said.
‘An ambulance just drove by.’ A few moments passed.’Looks like the Andersons have company,’ he called out.
‘Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex.’
Mom and Dad shot up in bed.
‘How do you know that?’ the startled father asked.
‘Their kid is standing out on the balcony too,’ his son replied.
551 A Final Tribute
A member of the ‘mob’ had recently died, and all of his close friends and associates had gathered at his funeral to pay tribute. It was customary for his closest friends to show their ‘respect’ by putting some money into his casket.
Ten of them stopped by to visit, and as each one did, he put a crisp $1000 bill into the casket. The last one stopped at the coffin, and some people noticed him putting something in and apparently taking something out as well.
After the funeral service, one of the other friends asked him what he put in the casket. He replied: ‘Well, Joe was one of my closest and dearest friends. I didn't want to be shown up by all the others, so I put in a check for $20,000 and took back $10,000 in change.’
552 Out Of Concern
A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He said to the doctor, ‘Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.’
‘Well,’ the doctor replied, ‘go home tonight and stand about fifteen feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply, move about five feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness.’
Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about fifteen feet from his wife in the kitchen, as she is chopping some vegetables and said, ‘Honey, what's for dinner?’ He hears no response. He moves about five feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves five feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, ‘Honey, what's for dinner?’
‘For the fourth time, vegetable stew!’ she replied.
553 Viagra Study
In a recent FDA study, the United States government doctors who were conducting studies on test drugs administered weekly doses of VIAGRA to an equal number of doctors and lawyers.
While the majority of the doctors achieved enhanced sexual prowess, the lawyers simply grew taller.
The US government researchers are at a loss to explain.
554 The Plan
One evening, a young woman came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, ‘Anthony proposed to me an hour ago.’
‘Then why are you so sad?’ her mother asked.
‘Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell.’
Her mother replied, ‘Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him just how wrong he is.’
555 Conducting A Music Class
A band director was having a lot of trouble with one of his drummers. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but performance didn't improve.
Finally, in front of the whole orchestra, he said, ‘When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, give him two sticks, and make him a drummer.’
A whisper was heard from the percussion section: ‘And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor.’
556 Airline Safety
While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered, and Mr. Benson looked out the window.
‘Good lord!’ he screamed, ‘one of the engines just blew up!’
Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.
The passengers were in a panic now, and even the flight attendants couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanour seemed to make most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft.
There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attached the package to their backs.
‘Say,’ spoke up an alert passenger, ‘aren't those parachutes?’
The pilot said they were. The passenger went on, ‘But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about.’
‘There isn't,’ replied the pilot as a third engine exploded, ‘we're going to get help.’
557 The Sobbing Bride
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, ‘How was the honeymoon?’
‘Oh, Mama,’ she replied, ‘the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic...’ Suddenly she burst out crying.
‘But, Mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language... Things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mama!’
‘Sarah,’ her mother said, ‘calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?’
‘Please don't make me tell you, Mama,’ wept the daughter, ‘I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!’
‘Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset.... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!’
Still sobbing, the bride said, ‘Oh, mama... Words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!’
558 These Three Are Tough
Three city mice are sitting at a bar. The first mouse takes a shot of tequila, slams the glass on the table and says ‘I'm the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I walk throughout the house collecting mouse poison, return to my nest and grind up the pellets with my morning coffee -- just for an extra jolt to start off each day.’
The mice look at each other. The second mouse slams his whiskey-- throws his glass on the floor and says, ‘I'm the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I go up to the trap outside my nest. I trip the lever and make the trap flip in the air. I catch the bar on its way down, bench press it a few times, twirl it over and over with my feet -- then I toss it to the floor and take the cheese for breakfast. It's all part of my morning routine.’
The third mouse looks at the other two. Bored with the conversation, he sets down his glass of beer and says, ‘I've had enough of you two. I'm going to go home and screw the cat.’
559 The Condom Display
Standing near the check out stand at a local drug store, a boy spotted a display of condoms.
‘Hey Dad, what's a three-pack for?’ asked the boy.
‘Those are for the weekend. Two for Friday night, and one for Saturday,’ replied the father.
‘Then Dad, what's a six-pack for?’ asked the son.
‘That's when she moves in with you. Two for Friday night, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.’
‘Then Dad, what's a twelve-pack for?’
‘That's for when you're married. One for January, one for February, one for ...’
560 Sunday Is Punday
Robins in the Spring...
Two robins were sitting in a tree.
‘I'm really hungry,’ said the first one.
‘Me, too,’ said the second, ‘let's fly down and find some lunch.’
They flew down and found a nice plot of ploughed ground full of worms.
They ate and ate and ate and ate until they couldn't eat anymore.
‘I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree,’ said the first robin.
‘Me either,’ said the second robin, ‘let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun,’ said the first.
‘OK,’ said the second. The robins plopped down, basking in the sun.
They had barely fallen asleep when a big, fat tom cat sneaked up and gobbled both of them down. As he sat washing his face after his meal, the cat thought –
?
?
?
?
...’I just LOVE Baskin' Robins!’ (DOH!)
561 The Angry Clergyman
A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
‘You look hot, my son,’ said the cleric, ‘why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand.’
‘No thanks,’ said the young man, ‘my father wouldn't like it.’
‘Don't be silly,’ the minister said, ‘everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.’
Again the young man protested that his father would be upset.
Losing his patience, the clergyman said, ‘Your father must be a real tyrant. Tell me where I can find him, and I'll give him a piece of my mind!’
‘Well,’ replied the young farmer, ‘he's under the load of hay.’
562 The Storks
Once upon a time there was a family of storks: Papa Stork, Mama Stork, and Baby Stork. One evening, Papa wasn't at dinner. Mama left food out for him, but he didn't come home at all that night.
When he finally did come home the next day, Baby Stork asked, ‘Papa, where were you all night, last night?’
Papa replied, ‘Out making a young couple very happy.’
Several weeks later, Mama Stork was late for dinner. Papa and Baby waited for a long while, then gave up and ordered pizza. Mama stork didn't make it home till late the next morning. When she tiredly sank into her favourite chair, Baby asked her, ‘Mama, where were you all last night?’
‘I was out making a young couple very happy,’ she sighed.
Later that autumn, Baby was late for dinner. Papa and Mama were very concerned. Their anxiety increased when Baby still wasn't home by sunset. They waited up late together for Baby, but he didn't arrive home until early morning.
Papa was angry.
‘Just where in the hell were you all night, Baby Stork?’
‘Out scaring the s**t out of college students,’ Baby Stork giggled.
563 A Dying Wish
There was an elderly man at home, upstairs, dying in bed.
He smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died. He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies.
With his last remaining strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a warm, moist chocolate chip cookie, his favourite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.
Gasping for breath, he asked her, ‘Why did you do that?’
‘Those are for the funeral.’
564 To Home With Love
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ Iwould love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOur student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
565 Visiting Grandma
A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
‘You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow, push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.’
‘Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?’
‘You're coming empty handed?’
566 Career Aspirations
After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, ‘Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up.’
‘That's okay with us,’ the mother said, ‘But what made you decide to be a minister?’
‘Well,’ the boy replied, ‘I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway and I figure it will be much more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen.’
567 Abstinence
Three couples went to see a minister to find out how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
‘Can of PAINT!’ exclaimed the minister.
‘Yeah,’ said the newlywed man, ‘she dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up, I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over.’
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
‘That's okay,’ said the man, ‘we're not welcome in the hardware store either.’
568 Breakfast
A travelling salesman went down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast on the second morning of his latest business trip. After being seated by the hostess, he waved off the menu, apparently quite sure of what he hungered for that morning. After all, this was to be a fateful day, as he was close to ‘clinching the deal’ and wanted to head into his client's office with confidence, exuberance, and enthusiasm.
He was full of self-assuredness and greeted the young waitress with a great big smile.
‘I'll have 2 eggs, please. But I want one of them just about room temperature and the other can be warm but must be runny.’
The waitress was getting all this down but was wondering where this was going.
‘Toast... It doesn't matter what kind, just make sure that it gets cold so that the butter will just sit on it and not melt. Water down my orange juice, too, please... Let's say half water and half juice. It really doesn't matter whether you bring any coffee. I usually like 2 or 3 cups in the morning. One won't do so you might as well skip it altogether.’
‘But, sir,’ said the waitress, confused, ‘I don't think our kitchen can put this together the way you like it!’
‘Oh, I don't like it that way, but it shouldn't be a problem. That's exactly how you served it yesterday!’
569 The Interview
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT what kind of a salary he was looking for.
‘In the neighbourhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.’
‘Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years... Say, a red Corvette?’
‘Wow! Are you kidding?’
‘Yeah, but you started it.’
570 Thus...
It was a hot summer's day and Luke was in the marina, having a few beers aboard his boat, patriotically named the ‘Fourth of July.’
He was waiting for his friend, Opie, to arrive so they could go for a cruise.
Opie was late, unfortunately, because he had to pick up his wife from her appointment with the doctor. Her examinations were cheap because the doctor, a fellow named Juan, was Opie's cousin.
Anyway, the appointment went over time, and Opie was late getting to the marina. Luke had been drinking all this time, and was feeling no pain. When he saw Opie finally walking down the pier, he jumped up, staggered to the side of the boat to wave to his friend and nearly fell in.
Opie got there just in time to grab Luke.
Thus, it was that O. B. Juan's kin, Opie, saved Luke from falling to the dock side of the Fourth.
571 Cured
Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they're cured and ready to re-enter society.
‘So, Mr. Clark,’ the doctor says to one of his patients, ‘I see by your chart that you've been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you're released?’
The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, ‘Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That's still a good field, good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it's like to be a patient here. People might be interested in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I've grown interested in lately.’
Dr. Leroy nods and says, ‘Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities.’
The patient replies, ‘And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot.’
572 On The Plane
There was a religious woman who had to do a lot of travelling for her business, so naturally she did a lot of flying.
Flying made her extremely nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her to read since it helped relax her on the long flights.
One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle, smirked, and went back to what he was doing. After a while, he turned to her and asked, ‘You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?’
The lady replied, ‘Of course I do. It is the Bible.’
He said, ‘Well, what about the guy that was swallowed by the whale?’
She replied, ‘Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible.
‘He asked, ‘Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?’
The lady said, ‘Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him.’
‘What if he isn't in heaven?’ the man asked sarcastically.
‘Then you can ask him,’ replied the lady.
573 It Cannot Be
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
‘In English,’ he said, ‘a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.’
‘However,’ he pointed out, ‘there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.’
A voice from the back of the room piped up, ‘Yeah. Right.’
574 Mirror, Mirror On The Wall
Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where in the ladies room, there is a very special mirror. If you stand in front of the mirror and tell the truth, you are granted a wish. However, if you tell a lie, *POOF* you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
A redhead of questionable looks walked into the ladies room and stood before the mirror and said, ‘I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world.’*POOF* The mirror swallowed her.
Next, a rather large brunette stood before the mirror and said, ‘I think I'm the sexiest woman alive! *POOF* The mirror swallowed her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blond came in and stood before the mirror and said, ‘I think...’*POOF*
575 Quick...
A bartender is polishing glasses in the middle of the afternoon when suddenly the door to his bar is flung open. He and his few customers at that hour watch as a man enters.
Sweat is pouring down his cheeks and forehead; he is breathing heavily, and he keeps looking back over his shoulder as if the devil were pursuing him. He staggers across the room, grabs onto the bar to keep himself from falling and gasps, ‘Quick! Gimme a triple!’
‘A triple what?’ asks the bartender.
‘A triple anything! I don't know--whiskey!’ the man croaks. While the bartender is pouring the drink, the man pants for breath and shakes his head. All the customers stare at him, and murmur; his shirt is dirty, his suit coat is torn and there are smudges of dirt on his face.
The bartender slides a large glass in front of him and the dishevelled man drains it in ten seconds flat.
‘What happened to you, pal?’ the bartender inquires as everyone looks on.
‘I sure--needed that drink. I had--a terrible experience--just before I came--in here!’ the man manages to say.
‘And what experience was that?’ asks the bartender.
‘I went into a bar down the street and ordered a triple,’ the man says in a strained voice.’ I told the bartender I couldn't pay for my drink. So he threw me right out into the street!’
576 What's For Dinner
One day, an American was touring Spain. After a day of sightseeing, he stopped at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, ‘What is that you just served?’
The waiter replied, ‘Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!’
The American, though momentarily daunted when he learned the origin of the dish said, ‘What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!’
The waiter replied, ‘I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day since there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to serve you this delicacy!’
The next morning, the American returned, placed his order and was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, ‘These are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!’
The waiter promptly replied, ‘Si, senor! Sometimes the bull wins!’
577 The Sacrifice
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honour their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty.
She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, ‘Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.’
‘My darling,’ he replied, ‘think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.’
578 Fairy Tales
A little girl had just listened to her mother reading her one of her favourite fairy tales.
‘Mommy,’ asked the child, ‘do all fairy tales begin with Once Upon a Time...’?’
‘No, dearest,’ replied the mother, ‘sometimes they start with 'Darling, I have to work a little late at the office tonight.’’
579 The Affair
A sociologist, a psychologist, and a computer programmer were discussing the consequences and implications of a married man having a mistress. The sociologist's opinion was that it is absolutely and categorically unforgivable for a married man to forfeit the bond of matrimony, and engage in such lowly and lustful pursuits.
The psychologist's opinion was that although morally reprehensible, if a man MUST have a mistress to achieve his full potential as a human being, then -- well -- he may go ahead and choose to have a mistress, as long as he is considerate enough to keep this secret from his wife.
The programmer then interjected: ‘I also believe that, if necessary, a married man is entitled to a mistress. However, I do not see why the affair should be concealed from the wife. On the contrary, if the affair is out in the open, then on Friday evenings he may tell his wife that he is going to see his mistress, tell his mistress that he is going to be with his wife, then go to his office and get some work done!’
580 Most Wanted
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 Most Wanted men.
One of the kids pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.’Yes,’ said the policeman.’The detectives want him very badly.’
So, Little Johnny asked, ‘Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?’
581 Problems
Mental Anxiety;
Mental Breakdown;
Menstrual Cramps;
Menopause
Did you ever notice that all of our problems begin with men?
582 I Don't Understand
Stanley was in his usual place in the morning, sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ.
He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face.
‘I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives.’
Stanley's wife replied, ‘Why thank you, dear!’
583 A Little Gift
After being away on business, Clarence McDougal thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
‘How about some perfume?’ he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.’That is a bit much,’ said Clarence.
So the clerk returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.’That's still quite a bit,’ Clarence groused.
Growing annoyed, the cosmetics clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
‘What I mean,’ said Clarence, ‘is I would like to see something really cheap.’
So the clerk handed him a mirror.
584 The Love Dress
A mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.
‘What are you doing?’ she asked.
‘I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work,’ the daughter-in-law answered.
‘But you're naked!’ the mother-in-law exclaimed.
‘This is my love dress,’ the daughter-in-law explained.
‘Love dress? But you're naked!’
‘My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute.’
The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the way home she thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally her husband came home.
He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.
‘What are you doing?’ he asked.
‘This is my love dress,’ she replied.
Husband: ‘Needs ironing!’
585 My Pumpkin
A man was invited to some old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
He was impressed since the couple had been married almost 60 years. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the guy said to his buddy, ‘I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names.’
His buddy hung his head.
‘To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago.’
586 At The Bus Stop
One day at a bus stop, there was a girl who was wearing a skin-tight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.
So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.
So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, ‘How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!’
Shocked, the man said, ‘Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends.’
587 The Offer
A man and a woman were guests at a party. They had been eyeing each other all night. Finally, the man walked up to the woman and asked, ‘Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?’
‘Well yes!’ answered the woman.
The man replied, ‘Would you sleep with me for a dollar?’
‘Of course not!’ replied the woman, horrified.
‘What kind of woman do you think I am?’
‘I think that’s already been established,’ said the man, ‘now we’re just haggling over a price.’
588 Why
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
If the ‘black box’ flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of the same stuff?
Why is there an expiry date on sour cream?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman, ‘Where's the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘Lisp’ to have an ‘S’ in it.
589 How Government Works
Once upon a time, the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Congress said, ‘Someone may steal from it at night.’
So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, ‘How does the watchman do his job without instruction?’
So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said, ‘How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?’
So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Congress said, ‘How are these people going to get paid?’
So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired the two people to fill them.
Then Congress said, ‘Who will be accountable for all of these people?’
So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then Congress said, ‘We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost.’
So they laid off the night watchman.
590 Just Remember
Just remember... When you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
591 Grandpa, Can You...?
A little girl said, ‘Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?
‘Why sure you can,’ her grandfather replied.
As she sat on her grandfather's lap she said, ‘Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?’
‘A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound like a frog.’
The girl said, ‘Grandpa, will you please, please make a sound like a frog?’
Perplexed, her grandfather said, ‘Sweetheart, why do you want me to make a sound like a frog?’
And the little girl said, ‘Because Grandma said that when you croak, we're going to Florida!’
592 Birth Control Pills
An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office.
When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, ‘I’d like to have some birth-control pills.’
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, ‘Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?’
The woman responded, ‘They help me sleep better.’
The doctor thought some more and continued, ‘How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?’
The woman said, ‘Simple. I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night.’
593 Three Friends
Three good friends were driving along on the highway one Saturday: a doctor, a teacher, and a lawyer. All of a sudden, a brand-new SUV cut them off. In an attempt to miss the big vehicle, the driver swerved to the left and hit the median. The car flipped several times and all three friends died instantly.
They all found themselves in line waiting to get into Heaven. The doctor asked the others, ‘Hey, what do you want people to say at your funeral? I want them to say, 'She was a great doctor, and she never let down any of her patients.'‘
The teacher said, ‘I want people to remember me as a great educator, so I would want to hear people say, 'He was a wonderful teacher, a great role model for children, and he changed countless lives throughout his career.'‘
Then the lawyer said, ‘I'd like people to say, 'Look! He's moving!'‘
594 A Fitting Purchase
A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a store. Her arms were filled with a mop, a broom, and other cleaning supplies.
By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in an extreme hurry and was not happy about the slowness of the line. When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, ‘Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!’
‘Don't worry, ma'am,’ replied the clerk, ‘with that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time.
595 The Pool
A very wealthy entrepreneur named John retired to the countryside. On one of his long walks, he passed a Mental Institution, and behind the chain link fence, he saw the patients fighting ferociously with each other.
Hailing a man standing close to the fence, John asked what was going on. The man replied, ‘This happens every day; there's nothing else to do.’ So John went to see the director and offered to install a swimming pool at his expense.
The director was very happy with the offer and accepted immediately. Ten days later, John received a phone call from the director, requesting his presence the following day for the grand opening. Pleased, John accepted. He than decided to take a stroll out to the Institution to see how well the pool had been built.
As he approached the fence, he heard laughing and exited voices. A few yards later, he had a full view of a beautiful pool, complete with high tower diving boards, for which the patients were lining up to do cannonballs and swan dives. Calling the same man at the fence, John said, ‘You guys like this, huh? I see no more fighting, isn't this fun?’
The man replied, ‘Sure is, Mister, but tomorrow it’ll be even more fun when they put the water in it.’
596 Progressing With Time?
2000 B. C.- Here, eat this root.
1000 A. D.- That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A. D.- That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A. D.- That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A. D.- That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A. D.- That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
597 The Carjacking
An elderly woman did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags, drew her handgun, and proceeded to scream at them at the top of her voice, ‘I have a gun and I know how to use it. Get out of the car, you scumbags.’
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad. The woman, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags in the back of the car and get into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, to no avail.
And then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.
The sergeant, to whom she told the story, nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale males were reporting a carjacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
598 The Statue
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
‘Hurry!’ she said, ‘stand in the corner.’
She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder.
‘Don't move until I tell you to,’ she whispered, ‘just pretend you're a statue.’
‘What's this, Honey?’ the husband inquired, as he entered the room.
‘Oh, it's just a statue,’ she replied nonchalantly.
‘The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.’
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
‘Here,’ he said to the “statue”,’ ‘eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smith's for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water.’
599 Are you the one?
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: Cheese Sandwich $ 1.50 Chicken Sandwich $ 2.50 Hand Job $10.00 Checking his wallet he finds one single ten dollar bill. He walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. ‘Yes?’ she inquires with a knowing smile, ‘can I help you?’ ‘I was wondering’, whispers the man, ‘are you the one who gives the hand- jobs?’ ‘Yes’, she purrs, ‘indeed I am!’ The man replies ‘Well go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!’
600 Ladies Night Out...
The other day, my friends and I went to this ‘Ladies Night Club.’
One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulls out a $10 bill.
The ‘dancer’ came over to us and my friend licks the $10 and put it on his butt cheek.
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill.
She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill and puts it on his other butt cheek.
Still attempting to impress the rest of us, my other friend pulls out a $50 bill.
She calls the guy back over again, licks the $50 bill and again puts it on one of his butt cheeks. Now the attention is focused on me.
What could I do to top that?
I got out my wallet, thought for a minute ... And then the financial analyst in me took over. I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt, grabbed the $80 bucks and went home!
601 ‘I Told You...’
A man came home a day early from a business trip and discovered his wife in the midst of passionate lovemaking with a total stranger in their bedroom.
He demandingly asked, ‘What on earth are you doing?!?!!’
The wife turned to the other man and said, ‘See, I told you he was as dumb as a post.’
602 Strength Vs. Age
A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, Morris had enough.
‘Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?’ he said, ‘I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back.’
‘You're on, old man,’ the braggart replied, ‘It's a bet! Let's see what you got.’
Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, ‘All right. Get in.’
603 ‘See That, Baby?’
A large, muscular guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are kissing in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.
After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, ‘See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!’ She smiles.
The man then drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, ‘See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!’
Finally, he drops his boxers, and after a quick glance, she grabs her handbag and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, ‘Why are you in such a hurry to go?’
She replies, ‘With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!’
604 The Blessing
A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, ‘Would you like to say the blessing?
‘I wouldn't know what to say,’ replied the little girl.
‘Just say what you hear Mommy say,’ the woman said.
Her daughter bowed her head and said, ‘Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?’
605 S. O. S.
Two men were hunting in the forest and accidentally got lost. They waited for a plane to look for them to take them to safety. When the plane arrived, one of the hunters said, ‘Shoot three times in the air. That is the distress call.’
So they did, and the plane flew by and didn't stop.
The next day as the plane flew out, they shot three times in the air again, but the plane flew on and didn't stop. On the third day as the plane flew by, one hunter said, ‘O. K. Shoot three times.’
The other hunter replied, ‘O. K. But we're almost out of arrows!’
606 Words To Live By
Notice! Take lettuce from the top of the stack, or heads will roll!
Well, if Jerry Springer isn't educational TV, why does it make me feel so much smarter?
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
I tried to get in touch with my inner child, but he isn't allowed to talk to strangers.
I have to take my paycheck to the bank. It's too little to go by itself.
We're lucky to have C-SPAN. Not many countries can watch their government in action.
I must be following my diet too closely. I keep gaining on it.
Welcome to Megacomputer's 24-hour helpline. If you have been waiting LESS than 24 hours, please remain on the line.
Whenever I'm in a mood to watch the world go by, I just keep to the posted speed limit.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
607 The Earring
Morris is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker, Joe, is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in ‘fashion sense.’
‘Hey Joe,’ he yells out, ‘I didn't know you were into earrings.’
‘Don't make such a big deal out of it. It's only an earring,’ says Joe sheepishly.
‘No, really,’ probes Morris, ‘How long have you been wearing one?’
‘Ever since my wife found it in our bed.’
608 Stay Calm
A woman in a supermarket pushed a grocery cart with a screaming baby in it. As she moved up and down the aisles, she kept murmuring, ‘Stay calm, Rachel. Don't cry, Rachel. Don't scream, Rachel.’
Another woman watched in admiration and then remarked, ‘You certainly have a lot of patience with little Rachel.’
‘What do you mean?’ snapped the woman, ‘I'm Rachel!’
609 A Texan in Ireland
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, ‘I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.’
The room is quiet, and no one takes of the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder.
‘Is your bet still good?’ he asks.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits down in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, ‘If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?’
The Irishman replies, ‘Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.’
610 But Why?
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing ‘Love’ stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says, ‘I'm sending out 1,000 I Love You cards signed, 'Guess who?'‘
‘But why?’ asks the man.
‘I'm a divorce lawyer,’ the man replies.
611 A Bad Day
There's a guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, ‘Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying.’
‘No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.’
612 For 16 Years
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered a butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it.
Finally, he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, ‘I'll be 16 tomorrow.’
‘I know,’ said the butcher with a smile, ‘I've been counting too. Tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face.’
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, ‘Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!’
613 Big Trouble
A couple had two little boys ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, ‘Where is God?’
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, ‘Where is God!!?’
Again the boy made no attempt to answer.
So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, ‘WHERE IS GOD!?’
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, ‘What happened?’
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, ‘We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!’
614 Ghandi
Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He also was a spiritual person. When he was not on a hunger strike, he ate very little and became frail.
Furthermore, due to his diet, he wound up with very bad breath.
Therefore, he came to be known as a: ‘Super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.’
615 Johnny Said
Johnny’s mom was out of town for a week. When she got home, Johnny greeted her and said, ‘You know, two days ago, Mrs. Brown came to visit. She and Daddy had a candlelight dinner together, then Daddy brought some champagne and they had a drink, and then they went upstairs to the bedroom, and then they...’
‘Stop, Johnny, wait until your father gets home, and then repeat your story,’ his mother said.
When the father came home, Johnny started again, ‘Two days ago, Mrs. Brown came to visit. She and Daddy had a candlelight dinner together, then Daddy brought some champagne and they had a drink, and then they went upstairs to the bedroom, and then they...’
‘Then they WHAT, Johnny?’ his mother asked, hurt and angry.
‘And then they started doing the same thing you and Mr. Smith always do when Dad’s out of town.’
616 He Doesn't Speak
A man and woman got married and had a little boy who was very healthy, but as he got older his parents noticed that he never spoke. This concerned his parents greatly. They took their son to several doctors who ran series of tests and told them that the boy was perfectly healthy but would probably never speak.
Resigned, the parent took their son home and did everything in their power to keep him happy. One night seven years later while eating dinner, the little boy looked up from his plate and said in a clear voice, ‘These peas are cold.’
Overjoyed, his parents celebrated and hugged and kissed him.
‘Oh,’ they said, ‘we’re so happy. We thought you couldn't speak. Why haven't you spoken until now?’
The boy looked at his parents and said, ‘Well up until these peas, everything’s been fine.’
617 The Gift
A teacher was retiring after 30 years of teaching, so each child decided they wanted to bring her a special retirement present. A little girl who was the daughter of a fine chocolate dealer brought her a box full of fine chocolates.
A little boy who was the son of a florist brought her a big bouquet of flowers. Another little boy who was the son of a fine liquor dealer brought her a big box that was sealed and it had something leaking from the bottom of the box.
The teacher said, ‘I bet I know what this is!’
She tasted some of the juices that were leaking from the box and said, ‘I bet this is some wine!’
The little boy said, ‘Nope!’
She tasted it again and said ‘Liquor?’
The little boy said, ‘Nope!’
She tasted it again and said, ‘Beer?’
The little boy said, ‘Nope!’
She said, ‘Well what is it?’
The little boy said, ‘A puppy!’
618 Divorced Barbie
Ralph was driving home one evening when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall, ran to the toy store, and said to the shop assistant, ‘How much is that Barbie in the window?’
In a condescending manner, she said, ‘Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00.’
Ralph asked, ‘Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?’
‘That's obvious,’ the sales lady said.’Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, and Ken's furniture.’
619 Q&A
Guy- Are you from Tennessee?
Girl- No why?
Guy- ‘Cause you’re the only ‘10’ I see.
620 Out With The Flu
I ran into Jim at work yesterday. He had been out for a few days with the flu. I asked him how he was feeling.
‘I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience,’ he replied.
‘Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?’ I asked in stunned disbelief.
‘Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know that whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, my wife ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying, 'My husband is home! My husband is home!’
621 The Price Of Popcorn
For the first time in many years, an old man travelled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant his money, he couldn't help but comment, ‘The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents.’
‘Well, sir,’ the attendant replied with a grin, ‘You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now.’
622 Fifty-Fifty
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast food restaurant. He noticed that they ordered only one meal and an extra cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries. One for him, one for her, until each had half of them.
Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set it in front of his wife. The old man began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, ‘Oh, no. We've been married 50 years and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.’
The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, ‘Not yet. It's his turn to use the teeth.’
623 What Do You Want?
John asked his wife, Mary, what she wanted to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.
‘Would you like a new mink coat?’ he asked.
‘Not really,’ said Mary.
‘Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?’ said John.
‘No,’ she responded.
‘What about a new vacation home in the country?’ he suggested.
She again rejected his offer.
‘Well what would you like for our anniversary?’ John asked.
‘John, I'd like a divorce,’ answered Mary.
‘Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend that much,’ said John.
624 Following In His Footsteps
On the way to preschool, a doctor had left his stethoscope on the car seat.
His little girl picked it up and began playing with it.
‘Be still, my heart,’ thought the doctor, ‘my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!’
Then the child spoke into the instrument, ‘Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?’
625 Need Water!
A traveller was stumbling through the desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out.
The parched wanderer asked, ‘Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?’
The man replied, ‘I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your clothes.’
The desperate man shouted, ‘I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!’
‘OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way and they'll give you all the water you want.’
The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared out of sight. Three hours later he returned.
The man at the card table said, ‘I told you, about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?’
‘I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie.’
626 Psychiatric Hotline
Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.
If you are phobic, don't press anything.
If you are anal-retentive, please hold.
627 I Need A Doctor
It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, and a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, ‘It's all right Honey, I've had a course in first aid.’
The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, ‘When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here.’
628 The Government vs. The Mafia
Q. What's the difference between the Government and the Mafia?
A. One of them is organized.
629 Booze Party
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, ‘If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.’
With even greater emphasis he said, ‘And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.’
And then finally, he said, ‘And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.’ He sat down.
The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, ‘For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365:
‘Shall We Gather at the River.’
630 The Bungee Jumper
One day two guys were bungee jumping and the first guy says, ‘Hey, we could make a lot of money down in Mexico doing this.’
The second guy says, ‘Sure, why not?’ So they got everything they needed: a tower, a rope, insurance, and so on. After that they went down there. The crowd starts to grow as they set up their stuff. After they're done, the crowd has gotten bigger.
The first guy decides to give it a try. After he jumps, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and bruises. He couldn't catch him, so the first guy goes down again.
The second time he comes up the other guy sees that he has a few broken limbs and is almost unconscious. This time he is able to pull him up and asks him, ‘What the heck happened to you?’
The first guy says, ‘I'm fine, but what the heck is a Pi??’
631 The Blind Date
Allen took his blind date to the carnival.
‘What would you like to do first, Sandra?’ asked Allen.
‘I want to get weighed,’ said Sandra. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize. Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Allen again asked Sandra what she would like to do.
‘I want to get weighed,’ she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight and Allen lost his dollar. The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
‘I want to get weighed,’ she responded.
By this time, Allen figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, ‘How did it go?’
Sandra responded, ‘Mewissa, oh, it was wousy.’
632 The Feminist
A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, ‘Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenceless woman his seat,’ and she pushes him back onto the seat.
A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted again and refuses to let him up. Finally, the man says, ‘Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm two miles past my stop already.’
633 Some of the Myths About Marriage...
A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: ‘I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.’
The husband says: ‘WHAT?’
The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen and he might as well deal with it.
The next day the husband takes his wife shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. Then they go to the jewellery department where she gets a set of diamond earrings.
The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says: ‘You don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it, then let's get it.’ The wife jumps up and down, so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says: ‘I am ready to go, let's go to the cash register.’
The husband says: ‘No - no - no, Honey we're not going to buy all this stuff.’
The wife's face goes blank.
‘No Honey. I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.’
The wife gets really mad and is about to explode when the husband says: ‘You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man!’
634 Two Girls
Two girls were having coffee when one noticed that the other girl seemed troubled and asked her, ‘Is something bugging you? You look anxious.’
‘Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market,’ she explained.
‘Oh, that's too bad,’ the other girl sympathized, ‘I'm sure you're feeling sorry for him.’
‘Yeah, I am,’ she said, ‘he'll really miss me.’
635 The Big Bad Bug
A man was sitting down watching his t. V. One evening, when he heard a loud knocking on his door.
Wondering who on earth it could be, he jumped up to answer it.
There, standing before him, was a large beetle who proceeded to beat the crap out of him.
The next evening, there was the same knocking at the door.
Cautiously the man answered the door.
Again, there was the beetle, and the same thing happened.
The man took himself down to his doctor with his cuts and bruises and explained the whole situation to his Doc.
‘Hhmm,’ said the doctor, looking at his wounds, ‘I'd heard there was a nasty bug going around!’
636 The Psychic Said...
Jennifer visited a psychic of some local repute.
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news:
‘There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt - prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.’
Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.
She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked:
‘Will I be acquitted?’
637 My Poor Girlfriend
My girlfriend had a terrible time of it. First she got tonsillitis, then appendicitis and pneumonia. After that they gave her hypodermics and inoculations. I thought she would never win that spelling bee.
638 Who Wants To Be a Millionaire
A husband and wife are watching ‘Who Wants To Be a Millionaire,’ and the husband winks and says, ‘Honey, let's go upstairs..’
The wife says no, so the husband asks again.
Again she says no. So the husband says, ‘Is that your final answer?’
The wife says yes.
The husband says, ‘Well, can I phone a friend?’
639 Geek Speak
Q: What is the meaning of a 3 1/2 floppy?
A: An excellent reason to end a relationship.
Click 'n Drag.... A transvestite approaching in high heels.
Silicon.... Good for memory, bad for mammary.
These are just a few samples of hysterical definitions for Internet and dot-com jargon. GIGAWIT- A Dictionary of E-NGLISH Language.... Defined like never before, lavishly illustrated in full colour and priced to make a perfect holiday gift for your favourite techie, hacker or web-head! Geek speak will never be the same.
640 Home For The Holidays!
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, ‘I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.’
‘Pop, what are you talking about?’ the son screams.
‘We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,’ the old man says, ‘we're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her,’ and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
‘Like hell they're getting divorced,’ she shouts, ‘I'll take care of this.’ She calls Phoenix immediately and screams at the old man, ‘You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?’ and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone, too, and turns to his wife.
‘Okay,’ he says, ‘they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?’
641 With The Long Brown Hair...
One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.
‘I'll grant you your fondest wish,’ the genie said.
The man thought for a moment, then said, ‘I want a spectacular job -- a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try.’
‘Poof!’ said the genie, ‘you're a housewife.’
642 Last Request
Three men die in a car crash, and they find themselves at an orientation to enter heaven. They are all asked, ‘As your mortal remains lie below on Earth in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you most like to hear them say about you?’
The first guy says, ‘I would like to hear them say that I was a really great physician and healer, yet also a great family man.’
The second guy says, ‘I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.’
The last guy replies, ‘I would like to hear them say....... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!’
643 The Palm Beach Pokey
You put your stylus in,
You put your stylus out,
You put your stylus in,
And you punch Buchanan out.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That's what it's all about!
You put the Gore votes in,
You put the Bush votes out,
You put the Gore votes in,
And you do another count.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That's what it's all about!
You bring your lawyers in,
You drag the whole thing out,
You bring your lawyers in,
And you put it all in doubt.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That's what it's all about!
You let your doctors spin,
You let the pundits spout,
You let your retirees sue,
And your people whine and pout.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That's what it's all about
You do the Palm Beach Pokey,
You do the Palm Beach Pokey,
You do the Palm Beach Pokey,
That's what it's all about!
644 Cash, Check, or Charge
‘Cash, check, or charge?’ the cashier asked. As the woman looked for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
‘Do you always carry your TV remote?’ the cashier asked.
‘No,’ she replied, ‘but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the worst thing I could do to him.’
645 Kids, Kids, or Kids
A census taker walked up to a woman who was sitting on a porch. After introducing himself, he said, ‘How many children do you have?’
The woman answered, ‘Four.’
The census taker asked, ‘May I have their names, please?’
The woman replied, ‘Eenie, Meenie, Minie, and George.’
Confused, the census taker said, ‘May I ask why you named your fourth child 'George'?’
‘Surely, because we didn't want any Moe.’
646 The Toy Raffle
The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
‘Who is the most obedient?’ he asked.
‘Who never talks back to mother?’
‘Who does everything she says?’
Five small voices answered in unison.
‘You do, Daddy!’
647 Stranded On A Boat
Two guys of limited intelligence were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped below the surface.
After floating under blazing heat for 6 days, they ran out of food and water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst, and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an oil lamp (the kind the genies come in).
They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it.
‘POOF’ out popped a tired old genie who said, ‘OK, so you freed me from this stupid lamp, yadda, yadda, yadda. But hey, I've been doing this 3 wishes stuff for a long time now and quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys get only ONE wish and then I'm OUTTA here. Make it a good one.’
The first guy, without hesitation or thought blurted out, ‘Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!!!’
‘Fine,’ said the genie and he instantly turned the entire ocean into beer.
‘Great move Einstein!’ said the second guy, slapping the first guy in the head, ‘NOW we're gonna have to pee in the BOAT!’
648 Gore/Bush Settle
Gore calls up Bush and says, ‘Hey, let's settle this Australian Style.’
Bush asks, ‘How's that?’
Gore says, ‘First you stand there, and I kick you in the nuts as hard as I can.’ Then it's your turn. Whoever quits first is the loser.
Bush says, ‘OK, stands there,’ and is completely knocked over by Gore.
After 10 minutes, Bush stands up, and groans, ‘Alright, my turn.’
Gore then replies, ‘It's all right, you can be president.’
649 Offend Thy Honour
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was saying to his lawyer, ‘If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.’
‘It's in the Judge's hands now,’ said the lawyer.
‘Would it help if I sent the Judge a box of cigars?’ asked the defendant.
‘Oh no!’ said the lawyer, ‘this Judge is a stickler for ethical behaviour. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even find you in contempt of the court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the Judge.’
Within the course of time, the Judge rendered a decision in favour of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, ‘Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked.’
‘I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them,’ said the lawyer.
‘But I did send them,’ said the defendant.
‘What?? You did?’
‘Yes, That's how we won the case.’
‘I don't understand,’ said the lawyer.
‘It's easy. I sent the cheapest cigars that I could find to the Judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card.’
650 What If Dr. Seuss Wrote Computer Tech Manuals?
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash
And the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on your cable on the gable at your house
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse
But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM
Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom!
651 Four New Fathers
Four expectant fathers are in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room while their wives were in labour.
The nurse comes in and tells the first man, ‘Congratulations, you're the father of twins.’
‘What a coincidence,’ the man exclaims.’I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.’
The nurse returns a short while later and tells the second man, ‘You are the father of triplets.’
‘Wow, what a coincidence,’ he replies.’I work for the 3M Corporation.’
When the nurse comes again, she tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.
‘Another coincidence. I work for the Four Seasons Hotel.’
At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong.
‘What's wrong? I work for Seven-Up.’
652 Bad News or Terrible News First
This guy was sitting in his attorney's office.
‘Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?’ the lawyer said.
‘Give me the bad news first.’
‘Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars.’
‘That's the bad news?’ asked the man incredulously, ‘I can't wait to hear the terrible news.’
‘The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary.’
653 Thanksgiving Weather Forecast
In the pre-Thanksgiving rush, we have received an early weather report from our in-house weather reporters. This is one you should be sure to email to your Mom. Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.
During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side, while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.
A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.
Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.
654 Quick One-Liners
How do you know your family is dysfunctional?
If Thanksgiving Dinner consists of wild turkey instead of roasted turkey!
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
‘If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!’
What sound does a space turkey make?
Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
655 Six-Legged Turkey
An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.
His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together.
‘Well, I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!’
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
‘I don't know,’ said the farmer, ‘I never could catch the darn thing.’
656 Quick One Liners
- If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their age!
- What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock!
657 How Do You Keep An Idiot In Suspense
I’ll tell you tomorrow.
658 Travelling In New Zealand
There was an elderly couple from Iowa visiting New Zealand on vacation a few years ago. They rented a car and decided to tour the Nth. Island. No sooner had they reached the countryside when Mother, who was the driver and was hard of hearing, was pulled over by a traffic cop for speeding.
The traffic cop did the twirly thing with his fingers to wind down the window, which she did.
The cop said to her, ‘Madam, you were doing over the legal speed limit.’
She said to her husband, ‘What did he say?’
Her husband shouted, ‘He said you were speeding.’
She said to the cop, ‘I'm sorry officer,’ to which the officer replied, ‘I'm afraid I'm going to have to issue you with a speeding ticket.’
She said to her husband, ‘What did he say?’
He shouted back, ‘He said he's going to cite you for speeding.’
By this time the cop had become aware of her hearing problem and as he was writing out the ticket, he asked, ‘Where are you from?’
She said to her husband, ‘What did he say?’ and he yelled back, ‘He wants to know where you're from.’
She said to the cop, ‘I'm from the United States of America.’
The cop then muttered to himself, ‘I went there once and had the worst sex I'd ever had in my life.’
She said to her husband (You guessed it) ‘What did he say?’ to which he replied in a very loud voice, ‘HE SAID HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!’
659 American Tourist
A group of American tourists was being guided through an ancient castle in Europe.
‘This place,’ the guide told them, ‘is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, and nothing replaced in all those years.’
‘Wow,’ said one woman dryly, ‘they must have the same land- lord I have.’
660 The Waking Patient
Just as a surgeon was finishing an operation and was about to close, the patient awakes, sits up, and demands to know what is going on.
‘I'm about to close,’ the surgeon says. The patient grabs the surgeon's hand and says, ‘I'm not going to let you do that! I'll close my own incision!’
The doctor hands him the needle and thread and says, ‘Suture self.’
661 Timid Boy
A young man was infatuated with a certain young woman, but he was so timid, he never had the courage to speak to her. In fact, he told his best friend that every time he got near her, he felt about as tall as a tiny pebble.
‘Well,’ his friend responded, ‘If you want to get the girl, you'll just have to be a little boulder!’
662 The Pig and Cops
? Wait a sec.... Shouldn't the cops be wearing the pig outfit? I mean, if the shoe fits, wear it!
? ‘We're arresting you for drunk driving, and no, the costume didn't help you any, Mr. Bush.’
? ‘213 in progress... Illegal porking.’
? Headquarters, we're bringing home the bacon!
? Don't you just hate it when pork goes bad.
? I didn't know I was in violation of the law to be a road hog!
? No, Lenny! Not that guy--he's one of us--can't you tell?
? Impersonating an officer is an offence!
? The Three Little Pigs... Submitted By: biff Hey brother, you took it too far this time... You're going to the pen.
663 Marriage Counselling
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up.
‘Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship,’ the wife explained, ‘he was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts.
He communicates really well and I just act like I'm listening.’
664 Grades
A high-school student came home one night rather depressed.
‘What's the matter, Son?’ asked his mother.
‘Aw, gee,’ said the boy, ‘It's my grades. They're all wet.’
‘What do you mean 'all wet?'‘
‘You know,’ he replied, .’.. Below C-level.’
665 Florida Senior Citizens
A group of Florida senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments:
‘My arms are so weak, I can hardly hold this cup of coffee,’ said one.’
Ha! My cataracts are so bad, I can't even see my coffee,’ replied another.
‘I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,’ said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
‘My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,’ another went on.
‘I guess that's the price we pay for getting old,’ winced an old man as he shook his head.
Then there was a short moment of silence...
‘Well, it's not all bad,’ said one woman cheerfully, ‘thank goodness we can still drive!’
666 Bill And Hill
Bill and Hillary Clinton are driving in the country near Hillary's hometown.
They are low on fuel, so Bill stops at a gas station.
The man at the gas station comes out and looks into the window.
‘Hey, Hillary! We used to date in high school, do you remember me?’ he asks.
They talk merrily for a few minutes. Bill pays, and they leave. As they drive, Bill is feeling very proud of himself and looks over at Hillary.
‘You used to date that guy? Just think what life would be if you hadn't married me,’ he says.
Hillary looks at Bill and says to him, ‘Well, I guess you'd be pumping gas and he'd be President’
667 At The Old Ball Game
The Clinton family went to a baseball game. As they settled into their seats, Bill's chief of staff leaned over to him and whispered something in his ear. Bill looked at him with a surprised expression on his face and whispered back. The chief of staff than looked at Bill and nodded. So, Bill shrugged his shoulders, picked up Hillary, and tossed her out onto the field. His chief of staff looked at him horrified and said: ‘No, Mr. President. I said throw the first PITCH!!!’
668 The Five Levels of Drinking
LEVEL 1: It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers.
Just as you get up to leave because you have work the next day, one of your friends buys another round. One of your *unemployed* friends.
Here at level one you think to yourself, ‘Oh come on, this is silly, as long as I get seven hours of sleep, I'll be fine.’
LEVEL 2: It's midnight. You've had a few more beers.
You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against the use of artificial turf.
You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder.
And now you're thinking, ‘Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway?
These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep... I'm cool.’
LEVEL 3: One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila.
You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR the use of artificial turf.
And now you're thinking, ‘Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!’
At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face.
You get drinking fantasies (like, ‘Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.’)
But at level three, that devil is a little bit bigger... And he's buying. And you're thinking ‘Oh, come on, come on now, as long as I get three hours sleep... And a complete change of blood, I'm cool.’
LEVEL 4: Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending.
For last call, you ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf!
This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar. Just because you don't like his face!
And now you're thinking, ‘Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen.’
You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an after hours bar.
Here at level four, you actually think to yourself, ‘Well... As long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well.... STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow, I'm cool.
LEVEL 5: Five in the morning. After unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlour (‘But I don't even know anybody named Simon!!!’), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as... That morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going ‘Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell at nine.’
At this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding.
A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, ‘Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!’
One of your friends stands up and screams, ‘WE'RE DRIVIN' TO VEGAS, BABY!!!!!’ - and passes out.
You crawl outside for air, and then you hit the worst part of level five - the sun. You weren't expecting that were you?
You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging. And they look at you and they know. And they say ‘Who's Simon?’
Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory like you've beat the night, but if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight.
We all say the same prayer then, ‘I swear, I will never do this again as long as I live!’
And some of us have that little addition, ‘and this time, I mean it!
669 Migrating Birds and Dumb Questions...
As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.
When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons and asked the aging birds...
‘Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?’
‘No, thanks,’ replied the vultures, ‘they're carrion.
670 One-Liners Galore...
Behind every great man is a great woman... And behind every great woman is some guy staring at her butt!
Join the army!
Travel the world,
Meet interesting people,
and kill them.
Customer Service Sign: Helen Waite is now in charge of all rush orders.
If you are in a hurry, just go to Helen Waite.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
Endless Love:
Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis.
For Sale:
Taliban rifle.
Never fired.
Dropped once.
Vegetarian:
Native American definition for ‘lousy hunter.’
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.(Think about it :)
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there –
is he still wrong?
And a final word to the wise...
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
671 Honest Lawyer for Hire...
An investment counsellor decided to go out on her own.
She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel.
The investment banker began to interview young lawyers.
‘As I'm sure you can understand,’ she started off with one of the first applicants, ‘in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.’
She leaned forward.
‘Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?’
‘Honest?’ replied the job prospect, ‘let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case!’
‘Impressive. And what sort of case was that?’ asked the investment counsellor.
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted...
‘The one where he sued me for the $15,000.’
672 The free ride is over...
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally, he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16 years old.
She agreed.
The butcher had been counting the years off on his calendar, when one day the boy who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, ‘I'll be 16 tomorrow!’
‘I know, I know’ said the butcher with a smile, ‘I've been counting too!’
‘Now tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the LAST free meat she'll get from me... And watch the expression on her face!’
When the boy arrived home he told his mother what the butcher had said.
The woman nodded and said, ‘Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I've also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years...and watch the expression on HIS face!’
673 Twas the night before Payback...
'Twas the night before Payback and all through the land,
The Taliban are running like rabbits in Afghanistan.
Osama's been praying, he's down on his knees,
He's hoping that Allah will hear all his pleas.
He thought if he killed us that we'd fall and shatter,
But all that he's done is just make us madder.
We haven't yet forgotten our Marines in Beirut,
And we'll kick your ass, with one heavy boot.
And yes we remember the USS Cole,
And the lives of our sailors that you bastards stole.
You think you can rule us and cause us to fear,
You'll soon get the answer if you live to hear.
And we ain't forgotten your buddy Saddam,
And he ain't forgotten the sound of our bombs.
You think that those mountains are somewhere to hide,
They'll go down in history as the place where you died.
Remember Khadhafi and his line of death?
He came very close, to his final breath.
So come out and prove it, that you are a man,
Cause our boys are coming and they have a plan.
They are our Fathers and they are our Sons,
And they sure do carry some mighty big Guns.
They would have stayed home, with Children and Wives,
Till you bastards came here and took all these Lives.
Osama I wrote this especially for you,
For air mail delivery by B-52.
You soon will be hearing a thud and a whistle,
Old Glory is coming, attached to a missile.
I won't be sorry to see your cowardly ass go,
It's Red, White, and Blue that's running this show!
674 Republicans & Democrats
To show unity, Republicans and Democrats have been quite chummy lately and seen together often.
Just recently, a Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came upon homeless person.
The republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.
The Democrat was very impressed and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help this one.
He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office.
He then reached into the Republicans pocket and gave him fifty dollars.
675 Watermelons
Three guys were sailing, when a storm blew up, and capsized their boat. Luckily, they were right near an island, so they quickly swam towards it. On the shore, there was a giant throne with a giant man on top of it. He was surrounded by wolves.
‘If you go into the forest, and find 10 of one kind of fruit, I will tell my wolves not to eat you.’ So the three guys ran in to the forest to find some fruit. The first guy came back with 10 apples.
‘Now you must stuff all 10 up your but without wincing, or making a sound!’ The guy started. He got 1,2,3 - but then started crying. The wolves ate him. The second guy came back with 10 berries. He was told to do the same thing. He got 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 - But then burst out laughing. The wolves ate him too. The 1st guy and the 2nd guy met up in heaven.
The first guy asked ‘Why'd you laugh? You were almost there!’
‘I saw the third guy coming with an armload of watermelons!’
676 A Famous Knick Fan
On their way home from a Knick game, Woody announced to Soon Yi that they needed to have a serious talk. Sensing their relationship was in grave danger, Soon Yi anxiously asked, ‘Do I not give you enough privacy to work?’
‘No, I have plenty of time for that.’
‘Do I not please you in bed?’
‘No, it's not that either.’
Just then Soon Yi's worst fear rushed to the foreground of her mind. She couldn't hold it back.
‘You're not in love with our daughter, are you?’ she pleaded.
‘Oh, for crying out loud, don't be ridiculous’, Woody assured her, ‘I'd say it's more of a crush.’
677 Three Drunks
Three drunk drivers were in court standing in front of a very cross-eyed Judge.
The Judge looked at the first man and said ‘How do you plead?’
The second man said ‘Not guilty.’
The Judge turned to the second man and said, ‘I wasn't talking to you. You are fined $30.00 for contempt of court.’
The third man paid the fine.
678 Lumberjack Joke
Lumberjack Joe was pushing a tree through the buzz saw and accidentally sheared off all ten of his fingers. He rushed to the emergency room in agony. The doctor, looking on in disgust, asked the bloody-handed victim for the pile of fingers.
‘I haven't got the fingers,'' yelped Joe.
‘What do you mean you haven't got the fingers?’ replied the doctor, ‘It's the year 2001. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?''
‘I couldn't pick 'em up.’
679 A Jock's Excuse
A college English professor reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. A smart ass jock in the back of the room asks, ‘What about extreme sexual exhaustion?’
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, ‘You can write with your other hand.’
680 The Winning Ticket
A guy comes home after losing a lot of money, playing golf. A few minutes later his wife comes home from work with a new fur coat.
Her husbands says, ‘Hey how did you get this?’
She says that her boss won the lotto and this is her share. This happens a few times, first the coat and then a car and then jewellery etc. One night the wife gets home really tired out and asks her husband to run her bath, which he then does. But only fills it up an inch.
She gets in and says to him, ‘Why did you put in so little water?’
‘Well, we don't want your lotto ticket getting wet now do we?!’
681 Super-Size It!
A golfer, encountering a genie, was granted one wish. The man thought a while and said, ‘Well, I've always been embarrassed by being rather small, if you know what I mean; could you make me larger?’
‘Done,’ said the genie and disappeared.
Continuing his game, the man noticed an immediate change in his ‘size.’ Within several holes, it was down to his knee, and by the eighteenth, it had crept into his sock. After holing his final putt, the man hurriedly returned to where he'd met the genie.
‘Problem?’ inquired the genie.
‘Yes,’ the man responded, ‘Do you think I could trouble you for one more wish?’
‘And what might that be?’ asked the genie.
‘Could you make my legs longer?’
682 B-Ball One Liners
The first rule of watching basketball on TV: Watch only the last two minutes.
Nothing much happens until then and they only last a half hour.
I play in the over-40’s basketball league.
We don't have jump balls.
The ref just puts the ball on the floor and whoever can bend over and pick it up gets possession.
College basketball exists out of necessity. If there was no basketball, it would be necessary for the players to attend class.
Basketball is America's favourite ‘running’ sport. Number two is avoiding child support payments.
683 **Home Run Slang**
Home run -- Homer -- Long ball -- 4-bagger -- Round-tripper Circuit clout -- The big fly -- The big tomato (grand slam) Gettysburg Address (grand slam) -- Salami (grand slam) -- Slap Bomb -- Dinger -- Dong -- Crack -- Cracker -- Tater -- Whack Slam -- Blast -- Clout -- Knock -- Swat -- Pat -- Wallop -- Belt -- Jolt -- Sock -- Clock -- Spank -- Cookie -- Smash Yack -- Donk -- Poke -- Bonk -- Bolt -- Cork -- Fatty Grenade -- Moonball -- Moonshot -- Corkscrew -- Elvis (Elvis?)
684 Slapshots
Q: Why was there a timeout in the leper hockey game?
A: There was a face off in the corner!
Q. What do hockey players and torn clothing have in common?
A. Just stitch them up and they'll be as good as new!
Q: Why are hockey games so bloody?
A: Because they have three periods
685 Equipped
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north.
The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn.
The wife liked to read.
One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. Although she wasn't familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take the boat. She rowed out a short distance, anchored and returned to reading her book.
Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside her and said, ‘Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?’
‘Reading my book,’ She replied... As she thought to herself, ‘duh -- isn't it obvious?’
‘You're in a restricted fishing area,’ he informed her.
‘But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?’
‘Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.’
‘If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape,’ snapped the irate woman.
‘But, I haven't even touched you,’ groused the sheriff.
‘Yes, that's true, she replied, 'but you do have all the equipment'.’
686 Mounting Animals
A guy walks into a bar down in Arkansas and orders a white wine.
Everybody sitting around the bar looked up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says, ‘You ain't from around here.
Where you from, boy?’
The guy says, ‘I'm from Pennsylvania.’
The bartender asks, ‘What do you do up in Pennsylvania?’
The guy responds, ‘I'm a taxidermist.’
The bartender asks, ‘A taxidermist... What the hell is a taxidermist?’
The guy says ‘I mount dead animals.’
The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole bar, ‘It's okay boys, he's one of us!’
687 Q&A
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
Because it heard the referee was blowing fouls.
688 Victory Celebration
After drowning his sorrows at the bar for what seemed to be all night, Fred, said to the bartender, ‘I must be the most pathetic thing you've seen in a long time.’
‘Not exactly,’ corrected the bartender.
‘You see that table of baseball players over there?’
Fred looked and saw a local men's baseball team celebrating with plenty of beer and hearty laughter.
The bartender continued, ‘They finally broke a two season long losing streak.’
‘Well you can't blame them for celebrating.’
‘Yes you can,’ the bartender argued.
‘The game was rained out.’
689 The Amazing Catch
Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms.
‘Hey, lady,’ yells Larry, ‘Throw me the cat.’
‘No,’ she cries, ‘It's too far.’
‘I play football, I can catch him.’
The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street. Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline, bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed catch.
The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers. Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.
690 Hung Like A Wilson
While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball and, seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.
A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.
‘What's that?’ she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
‘Tennis ball,’ came the breathless reply.
‘Oh,’ said the girl sympathetically, ‘that must be painful, I had tennis elbow once.’
691 Batter Vs. Pitcher
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat:
‘I'm the greatest hitter in the world,’ he announced.
Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.
‘Strike One!’ he yelled.
Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, ‘I'm the greatest hitter in the world!’
He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed.
‘Strike Two!’ he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully.
He spit on his hands and rubbed them together.
He straightened his cap and said once more, ‘I'm the greatest hitter in the world!’
Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it.
He missed.
‘Strike Three!’
‘Wow!’ he exclaimed, ‘I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!’
692 Proof Of Cheating
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: ‘I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.’
His second friend says: ‘I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.’
Paddy says: ‘I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.’
Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
‘No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.’
693 Cooperation
At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, ‘Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?’
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
‘Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?’
The little boy nodded yes.
‘So,’ the coach continued, ‘when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?’
Again the little boy nodded.
‘Good,’ said the coach, ‘now go over there and explain it to your mother.’
694 The Fix
After the wrestling match, the interviewer approached Butch in his locker room.
‘What happened out there tonight, Butch? Just about everyone expected you to win this match.’
‘I can't understand it either,’ Butch said, ‘I won in rehearsal.’
695 Post Game Play
After the big Super Bowl party, Doug figured he better spend some quality time with his wife. He climbs upstairs, walks in the bedroom and crawls into bed.
‘Alright honey,’ he says, ‘Give me a play you want me to run.’
‘How about foreplay?’ his wife replies.
‘What's the foreplay?’ says Doug.
‘You know,’ the wife says, ‘It happens before the two minute warning.’
696 The L. A. Cavaliers
The divorce Judge asked little Johnny which parent he wanted to live with.
Little Johnny replied, ‘Not my daddy, he beats me. Not my mommy, either; she beats me, too.’
Little Johnny thought for a minute, then exclaimed, ‘I know! I want to live with the Cavs! They don't beat anybody!’
697 Olympic Condoms
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand: ‘Olympic Condoms.’ Impressed, he buys a pack. Upon arriving home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
‘Olympic condoms?’ she blurts, ‘what makes them so special?’
‘They're in three colours,’ he replies, ‘gold, silver, and bronze.’
‘What colour are you planning on wearing tonight?’ she asks cheekily.
‘Why, gold, of course,’ says the man proudly.
‘Really?’ she responds, ‘why don't you wear the silver tonight? It'd be nice if you came second for a change.’
698 Genie In A Bottle
A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, ‘Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix!’
The wife teed up and it smashed right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, ‘I told you to watch out for the houses! All right, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost.’
They walked up, knocked on the door and heard a voice say ‘Come on in.’ They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, ‘are you the people that broke my window?’
‘Uh, yeah. Sorry about that.’ The husband replied.
‘No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me! I'm allowed to grant three wishes, and I'll give you each one wish and keep the last one for myself.’
‘Wow, great!’ the husband said, ‘I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life!’
‘No problem. It's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?’ the genie said, looking at the wife.
‘I want a house in every country of the world!’ she said.
‘Consider it done!’ the genie replied.
‘And what's your wish genie?’ the husband asked.
‘Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife.’
The husband looked at the wife and said ‘Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses honey. I guess I don't care.’
The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. Afterwards, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, ‘How old is your husband anyway?’
‘35,’ she replied.
‘And he still believes in genies? That's amazing!’
699 Three Pints
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender asks him, ‘You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.’
The Irishman replies, ‘Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin.
When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.’
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, ‘I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.’
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
‘Oh, no,’ he, says, ‘Everyone's fine. I'VE just quit drinking.’
700 The Deflating XFL
The XFL is continuing to get sacked in the ratings game. Before the season kicked off, many people, including XFL Executives, were concerned the new league would encourage mob violence in the stands. Now they're just praying for mobs, period.
701 Bob Knight Clutching Onto Texas Tech Job
Texas Tech claims they're ready for the Bobby Knight era to begin.
Athletic Director, Gerald Myers said he plans to put together a list of possible candidates for head coach, but admitted the focus has been on Knight.
‘At this point, coach Knight is the only one I've talk to and have been severely threatened by.’
702 Woman Troubles
Ben, a local hunter, went into his favourite bar and ordered 6 double vodkas. Bob, the bartender said, ‘Wow, you must have had a bad day.’
‘Yeah’, said Ben, ‘I just found out my older brother is gay.’
The next day Ben showed up and again ordered 6 doubles.
Bob said, ‘What, more problems.’
And Ben replied, ‘Damn right, I just found out that my younger brother is gay.’
The third day, the same routine, 6 doubles.
Bob said, ‘Doesn't anyone in your family prefer women?’
‘Yeah,’ said Ben, ‘I just found out my wife does.’
703 A Paradox
If a fish warden and an IRS agent were both drowning and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or continue reading your paper?
704 Shooting Craps
A Mets fan walks into a bar dressed up in his new jersey and orders a drink before noticing a picture of Babe Ruth on the wall.
He was just about to leave when the barman says: ‘Where do you think you're going?’
The Mets fan replies: ‘I'm sorry, I just noticed Babe Ruth there and I think I'd better leave,’
The barman says: ‘No no no. It's too late for that. You've got to roll the dice Pal,’
The Mets fan looks puzzled and says: ‘Roll the dice?’
The Barman replies: ‘Yeah. If you roll between 1 and 5 we kick the mess out of you,’
The Mets fan says: ‘What if I roll a 6?’
The barman replies: ‘You get another go.’
705 False Idols
There was this man who returned to New York for a visit after 10 years working in Atlanta.
As he wandered the streets he stopped at an antique shop and decided to go in. On looking around he noticed a very strange looking bronze cat which had a tag on it saying, ‘Bronze Cat $30.00, Story $150.00.’
The man was very curious and asked the salesman to explain.
‘Well’ said the man, ‘its just like it says, $30 for the cat and $150 for its story.’
‘I'll just take the cat’, said the man.
‘Very well, but you will be back’ said the salesman.
The man left the shop with the cat in his pocket.
As he walked down the street he heard a strange mewing sound. On turning round he noticed there were a couple of cats following him.
The further he walked the more cats seemed to appear to follow him. As he got to the Brooklyn Bridge he turned to see about 1,000 cats behind him.
‘Screw this’ he said to himself and threw the bronze cat into the river. All the cats jumped into the river too and were drowned.
The man returned to the shop where he bought the cat.
‘I knew you would be back, $150.00 for the story’ said the salesman.
‘Forget the story’ said the man, ‘have you got a bronze Mets fan?’
706 Losing Memory
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, ‘Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?’
‘Outstanding,’ Fred replied, ‘they taught us all the latest psychological techniques-visualization, association-it has made a big difference for me.’
‘That's great! What was the name of that clinic?’
Fred went blank. He thought and thought but couldn't remember.
Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, ‘What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?’
‘You mean a rose?’
‘Yes, that's it!’ He turned to his wife....’Rose, what was the name of that clinic?’
707 Florida Mom
A man called his mother in Florida. He said to his mother, ‘How are you doing?’
She said, ‘Not too good. I've been very weak.’
The son then asked why she was so weak. She said it was because she hadn't eaten in 38 days.
The son then asked, ‘How come you haven't eaten in 38 days?’
She said, ‘Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food when you called.’
708 The Scavenger Hunt
A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list.
‘Lady, we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar.’
‘My goodness,’ the woman replied, ‘who sent you on such a challenging hunt?’
‘Our baby-sitter's boyfriend.’
709 Breaking The Rules
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
‘The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.’
He continued, ‘Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?’
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: ‘How much for a season pass?’
710 Words Words Words
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use about 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day.
She thought about this, then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
Looking stunned, he said, ‘What?’
711 Twin Trouble
Twin brothers were named Joe and John. Joe was the owner of an old dilapidated boat. It happened that John's wife died the same day Joe's boat sank.
A few days later, a kindly old lady met Joe on the street and, mistaking him for John, she said to him, ‘I'm sorry for your loss, you must feel terrible.’
Joe said, ‘oh, hell no. Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like dead fish. She was always losing her water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in front. The hole got bigger every time I used her. She leaked like crazy and it got hard to keep her upright. But hat really finished her off was these four guys who rented her for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't any good, but they wanted to have a go with her anyway. The damn' fools all tried to get on her at the same time and it was just too much for the old girl. While they were trying to get into their various positions, she split right up the middle!’
The Old Lady Fainted......
712 Food For Thought
On the Listening Tour, Hillary was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town she was visiting had named a sandwich after her. She was somewhat less pleased after she found out what was in it.
‘Mostly baloney,’ said the proprietor.
713 The Snake and the Bunny Rabbit...
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection.
They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.
The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit.
After a few moments, he announced, ‘You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!’
The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favour to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted...
‘Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. You're a Democrat!’
714 George Carlin's I'm a BAD American!
George Carlin Speaks Out...
I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American.
I am George Carlin.
I like big cars, big hooters and big paychecks.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not to some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you'd better do it in English.
I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way.
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches. And where does he get his money. And why is he always part of the problem and not the solution.
I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is sex, and it is sex for both of you. This even applies when you are President of the United States.
I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4-7 years of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God or gods, just leave the rest of us out of it. This also applies to sexuality.
I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason.
I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.
I don't use the excuse ‘it's for the children’ as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions.
I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.
My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons, and whoever cancelled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.
I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I am freezing my ass through a long winter?
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut up already.
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.
I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you are breaking the law, regardless of what colour you are.
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation of the world for the next four years.
I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing, your license should be revoked, and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again.
I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food.
I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement.
I think Dr. Seuss was a genius.
I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.
If that makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.
If you too are a BAD American please forward this to everyone you know.
We need our country back!
715 Restructuring Management
Manager: I'll give you fifty dollars a week to start with and a hundred dollars a week in a year's time?
Young player: OK, I'll come back in a year's time!
Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom?
Captain: Well, it could have been worse.
Manager: How?
Captain: There could have been more teams in the league!
One player says to another, ‘Our team is doing so badly that ‘Manager of the Month’ isn't an award. It's an appointment!’
716 Annual Inspection
The race-car driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and took her to bed. He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face.
‘What's the matter! Didn't I satisfy you?’ he asked.
‘It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble,’ said the angry woman.
‘In your sleep, you felt my breasts and mumbled, 'What perfect headlights.' Then you felt my thighs and murmured, 'what a smooth finish.'‘
‘What's wrong with that?’ asked the driver.
‘Nothing, but then you felt between my legs and yelled, 'who left the garage door open?'‘
717 Wisdom
Fishermen are born honest, but they get over it.
Some fishermen catch their best fish by the tale.
718 Poker Face
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, ‘Now, who is going to tell the wife?’
They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is.
‘Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me.’
Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants. Rippington says, ‘Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.’
She hollers, ‘TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!’
Rippington says, ‘I'll tell him.’
719 Competitive Stress
In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, ‘How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?’
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, ‘A basketball coach?’
720 Early One Morn
‘Wanna go fishin’ Ned ?’
‘Little early, isn't it Billy Joe ?’
‘What, for fishin’ ?’
‘NO, for stupid questions.’
721 Bear Hunting
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found what he was looking for and a huge one at that. Taking careful aim he fired his high powered rifle and only injured and enraged the bear.(he sneezed)
The bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He was pretty fast but the angry bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.
Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the door and yelled to his friend inside, ‘You skin this one while I go get another!
722 Redneck Father And Son
A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, ‘Paw, What's 'at?’
The father responded, ‘Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea what it is.’
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, ‘Boy, go git yo Momma...’
723 Big Ass
Ted and his wife were working in their garden one day when Ted looks over at his wife and says: ‘You're butt is getting really big, I mean really big! I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.’
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
‘Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!’
The wife chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, Ted is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
‘What's wrong?’ he asks.
She answers: ‘Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?’
724 Directions
A bus carrying a minor league baseball team pulled up beside a local in a village.
‘What's the quickest way to York?’ the driver asked.
The local scratched his head.
‘Are you walking or driving?’ he asked the stranger.
‘I'm driving.’
‘That's the quickest way!’
725 Country Living
A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things chickens, cows, crops, etc.
After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, the uncle had an idea.
‘Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs and go shooting?’
This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.
After a few hours, the nephew returned.
‘How did you enjoy that?’ asked the uncle.
‘It was great!’ exclaimed the nephew, ‘got any more dogs?’
726 Sports Ticker
A father is watching a basketball game when his son walks into the room.
‘What's the score, dad?’ the son asks.
‘117 to 114,’ the father replies.
‘Which team is winning?’ the son asks.
The father without moving his eyes from the television says, ‘The team with 117 points.’
727 Local Yokel
While sportfishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, ‘Are there any gators around here?’
‘Naw,’ the man hollered back, ‘they ain't been around for years!’
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward shore. About halfway there, he called out again.
‘How'd you get rid of the gators?’
‘We didn't do nothin',’ the beachcomber said.
‘Really?’ asked the tourist.
‘Didn't have to. The sharks got 'em!’
728 Air Jordan
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, Michael Jordan plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.
The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at Jordan trying to decide what to do.
Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy.
He can't hold it in any longer and throws up all over the Jordan's chest.
About five minutes later the Michael wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.
‘So,’ says the little guy, ‘are you feeling better now?’
729 Autograph Collection
After a game between the Lakers and the Sonics a little six year old boy impressed by Patrick Ewing went up to him and said ‘Patrick could you please sign your autograph on my shirt?’
Patrick said, ‘Yeah sure. That's a nice dog you have, what's its name?’
‘Well,’ the little boy said, ‘I use to call it Kennedy but, my Dad said I can't because it would be disrespectful to the greatest president this country has ever seen.’
So Patrick asked, ‘What's its name now’
‘I was going to call it Patrick Ewing but, my Dad said I can't.’
‘Why would your father let you call it Patrick Ewing’ Patrick asked.
The little boy said, ‘Oh well he said, it would be disrespectful to the dog...’
730 Groaner
A farmer was milking his cow.
He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head.
Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear.
The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket.
It went in one ear and out the udder.
(DOH!)
731 And the winner is...
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.
He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, ‘Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?’
The farmer replies, ‘I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize.’
‘How?’ asks the man, puzzled.
‘Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . To people who are out standing in their field.’
732 Gone Fishin...
A Good Old Boy took his son fishing one day.
While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him.
He asked his father, ‘how does this boat float?
The father replied, ‘don't rightly know son.’
A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, ‘how do fish breath underwater?’
Once again the father replied, ‘don't rightly know son.’
A little later the boy asked his father, ‘Why is the sky blue?’
Again, the father replied ‘don't rightly know son.’
Finally, the boy asked his father, ‘pop, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?’
The father replied, ‘of course not my boy, if you don't ask questions, ya ain't never gonna learn nothin'!’
733 Soul Searching
A drunken fisherman stumbled upon a baptism service at the river where he fished and walked out in the water to where the minister stood.
The minister turned to the drunk and said, ‘Mister, are you ready to find Jesus ?’
The drunk looks at the preacher and says, ‘Ya Rev, I sure am.’
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water, pulls him up asking, ‘Have you found Jesus ?’
The drunk replies, ‘No.’
So the preacher dunks him a bit longer, pulls him up and again asks, ‘Did you find Jesus ?’
To the drunks reply of No, the minister gets disgusted, pushes the man under the water for about 30 seconds, pulls him up and asks in a harsh voice, ‘Now, my good man, have you found Jesus yet ?’
The old fisherman wipes his eyes, spits out some water and says to the minister, ‘ NO, and are you sure this is where he fell in?’
734 Personal Identification
Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball. Suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women.
He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis.
‘He's not my husband,’ she says.
He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis.
‘He's not my husband either,’ she says, also not recognizing the unit.
He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.
‘Wait a minute,’ she says, ‘he's not even a member of this club.’
735 Hookers Lips
Little Johnny on his way home from school must pass by a group of hookers. Everyday as he passes them, the hookers wave at him with their pinkies and say ‘Hi there Johnny!!’
One day Johnny stops and asks one of the hookers why they always wave at him with their pinkies. They reply: ‘Well, that is what size we imagine your penis to be, but it's just a joke!’
The next day on his way home, the hookers repeat the tradition. Little Johnny stops and drops his school books on the ground, sticks all his fingers in his mouth to stretch his lips very wide and says, ‘Hi there ladies!
736 Holmes and Watson On a Camping Trip
Holmes and Watson had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, ‘Watson, look up. What do you see?’
‘Well, I see thousands of stars.’
‘And what does that mean to you?’
‘Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?’
‘To me, it means someone has stolen our tent.’
737 The Farter
Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around.
A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: ‘Sir, did you call for me?’
Bob replies ‘No, what do you mean.’
She says: ‘You must be new here; let me explain. It’s a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me. ‘Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel by the side of a pool, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him.
The Huge Man says: ‘Sir, did you call for me?’
Bob replies ‘No, what do you mean’?
The Huge Man: ‘You must be new here, it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me.’
The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and sodomizes him. Bob rushes back to the colony office.
The smiling naked receptionist greets him: ‘May I help you?’
Bob says: ‘Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee.’
Receptionist: ‘But Sir, you’ve only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities...’
Bob replies: ‘Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day.
738 What is this?
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. ‘Good heavens,’ he said, ‘what is this?’
‘Why, it's bean soup,’ she replied.
‘I don't care what it has been,’ he sputtered. ‘What is it now?’
739 Placing your order
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.
There was a big sign posted. ‘No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.’
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, ‘Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here.’
740 Oh, Superman
Superman was bored because Batman and Spiderman were on vacation and there was nothing much to do. Flying around New York one day, he spotted Wonder Woman lying on her back with her legs apart on the roof of a tall building. He had always lusted after Wonder Woman so he thought he would swoop down and have his wicked way with her.
‘What was that?’ said Wonder Woman afterwards.
The Invisible Man climbed off her and said ‘I dunno, but it hurt.’
741 The Marriage Counsellor
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counselling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counsellor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.
‘What seems to be the problem?’
Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.
After 5...10...15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counsellor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.
He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.
The counsellor spoke to the husband, ‘Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!’
The husband scratched his head and replied, ‘I can have her here every Tuesdays and Thursdays.’
742 Birthday Present
A young man wanted to buy his sweetheart a birthday present. So, after due consideration, he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sister, he went to the ready-to-wear shop. He bought a pair of gloves, while his sister got some panties for herself.
In the delivery, the packages became mixed. She got the gloves while he got the panties. Without examination of the package, it was sent to his sweetheart. The following note accompanied the package...
This is to show you that I haven't forgotten your birthday. I chose them because I noticed that you are in the habit of not wearing them when we go out in the evening. If it hadn't been for my sister, I would have gotten the long ones with buttons, but she said the short ones are more in style.
These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had been wearing for three weeks and they hardly looked soiled. The clerk tried on a pair for me and they looked very smart. When you take them off, blow in them as they may become damp from wearing. How I wish I could put them on you for the first time.
No doubt many men's hands will come in contact with them before I have the chance. I hope you will like them and wear them on Friday night.
P.S. I just think of how many times I will kiss the back of them in the following years...
743 80yr Old Virgin
There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch in her crotch area. She goes to the doctor who checks her out and tells her she has crabs. She explained that she couldn't have crabs because she was a virgin, but the doctor didn't believe her, so she went to get a second opinion.
The second doctor gave her the same answer. So she went to a third doctor and said ‘Please help me. This itch is killing me and I know that I don't have crabs because I'm a virgin.’
The doctor checks her out and says ‘I have good news and bad news. The good news is you don't have crabs, the bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit flies.’
744 Say It With Flowers
A gentleman was lured into a busy florist shop by a large sign in the window that read, ‘Say It With Flowers.’
‘Wrap up one rose,’ he told the florist.
‘Only one?’ the florist asked.
‘Just one,’ the customer replied. ‘I'm a man of few words.’
745 Playing Dead
Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand.
After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream.
He rushes back to Jerry and yells, ‘I thought I told you to be quiet!’
Jerry says, ‘Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said, 'Should we take them with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!’
746 Actual ad.
Black Female seeks male companionship, Ethnicity unimportant.
I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.
Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours.
Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy.
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8 week old black Labrador retriever.
747 Feet First
A young girl asked her mother ‘Mommy, do you get into heaven feet first?’
‘I don't know, why do you ask?’
‘Because the maid's upstairs with her feet in the air, shouting `God, I'm coming, God, I'm coming,' but dad's on top and won't let her go.’
748 Sorry About Your Smoke Detector
Danny, There was a little ‘incident’ at your house today while you were gone. Please allow me to explain:
I was watching T.V. and I heard this beeping going off in the kitchen. The first thing I thought of was the smoke detector going off so I ran into the kitchen and checked everything out. By the time I got to the kitchen, the beeping had stopped and I couldn't smell any smoke.
I went back to watching my movie and I kept hearing a beep every minute. I knew that the type of smoke detector that you have is the type that took a few minutes to reset itself.
I kept watching my movie , and about 10 minutes later I was really getting pissed off that the beeping continued. I paused the movie, ran out to the kitchen, unhooked the detector, and went back to the movie.
The beeping continued.
Having a college degree in electronics, I knew that the capacitors could hold a charge after the batteries were removed. About 20 minutes later, I was really getting pissed because I could still hear the beeping. And I got so mad, I went out and grabbed a pair of wire cutters and cut the speaker off the smoke detector and left it sitting on the counter.
I sat back down and heard ‘beep.’
Now I was fuming. I listened to that ‘beep’ about three more times, then I finally got a hammer and pounded the ever-loving shit out of your smoke detector on the counter (while I was pounding I heard ‘beep’). It was really getting me mad.
I sat back down and resumed the movie and sure enough ‘beep.’
I had the wire cutters in my hand and I went out (curious to see what the hell could still be running it) and cut all the little parts into pieces, and put half into a little plastic container and left half on the counter. I took half the parts over to the living room thinking if it beeps I know it's these, and half the parts I left on the counter knowing it would be them.
In moments I heard the parts in the kitchen beep.
So I took them into the living room and spread them on the table, staring at them, saying to myself ‘the part that beeps will get smashed.’ Not three seconds later, the parts I just had, now on the counter in the kitchen, beeped. I was furious. I thought to myself, (his smoke detector is possessed).
I brought all the parts into the living room and laid them out on the coffee table. I was staring at them, just waiting for one of them to beep so I could smash the shit out of it.
All of a sudden, I hear ‘beep’, but it was coming from the kitchen!
I walked out there, all freaked out. I just waited...and waited...it seemed like hours but was only 30 seconds later, I heard the mystifying ‘beep’ coming from your jacket. I looked in the jacket and it was your beeper that you had left at home by accident.
All I could do was take my hammer and beat the ever-loving shit out of your beeper because I was the one who paged you.
749 Bad News
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
750 Lawyers_1
There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.
751 Lawyers_2
Why do they bury lawyers 27 feet under? 'Cuz deep, deep down, they're good people!
752 Lawyers_3
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
753 Lawyers_4
If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? It might be your bicycle.
754 Lawyers_5
What do you do if you run over a lawyer? Back over him to make sure. Then, make another notch on the steering wheel.
755 Lawyers_6
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner? A power failure.
756 School Hate
Mother: Come on victor you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school.
Victor: Ahh mum do I have to, all the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too.
Mother: Yes you do.
Victor: Give me a good reason Mother: You're 34 and you’re the Principal.
757 PC Spell Checker
Eye halve a It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.
758 G'day Mate
SYDNEY, Australia (NB)--A friend of Newsbytes swears that the following is a true story:
After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady repute, the luckless customer unpacked his new toy and plugged it in to find it Dead On Arrival.
Naturally, after checking the usual things, he called the dealer and explained his problem. First question from Deviously Evasive Dealer: ‘Did you check to see whether the power was on?’
‘Of course.’
DED: ‘Did you open the cover and check whether any of the boards had shaken loose in shipping?’
‘Of course.’
DED: Then why are you calling me?’
‘Well, you sold it to me and there has to be some kind of warranty,’ pleaded the frustrated purchaser.
‘Of course there is,’ replied the DED, ‘But you voided the warranty when you opened the cover.’
Like we said, he swears it's a true story.
759 Everyone Needs Supplies
An Italian, an Irish man and a Chinese man all get jobs at a construction site. The boss of the site walks up to the three men, points at a pile of sand behind him and then pointing at the Italian says "You're in charge of sweeping". He then points to the Irish man and says "You're in charge of digging". Finally he points to the Chinese man and says "You're in charge of supplies." He carries on speaking "I'm going to be gone for a while and when I come back I expect to at least see you guys have made a dent in that pile".
The boss comes back two hours later to find the pile of sand untouched, and the Italian and Irish man standing by.
He walks up to them and shouts "what the hell have you been doing for the last two hours, and where's the Chinese man?"
The Italian tells him "You put us two in charge of sweeping and digging, but we don't have a broom or a spade. You put the Chinese man in charge of supplies, but he's disappeared."
The boss looks round and searches for the strange Orient. Suddenly when the boss approaches the pile of sand, the Chinese man jumps from behind the sand and yells "Supplies!"
760 You Cunt
George Bush met The Queen, and he turns round and says: ‘As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom’ to which the Queen replies, ‘I'm sorry Mr Bush, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge - and you're not a King.’
George Bush thought a while and then said: ‘How about a Principality then?’, to which the Queen replied ‘Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince - and you're not a Prince, Mr Bush.’
Bush thought long and hard and came up with ‘How about an Empire then?’
The Queen, getting a little fed up by now, replied ‘Sorry again, Mr Bush, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge - and you are not an Emperor.’
Before George Bush could utter another word, The Queen said: ‘I think you're doing quite nicely as a Country.’
761 Grand Wizard in the KKK
An Alabama preacher rose with an angry red face. ‘Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.’
No one moved.
The preacher continued, ‘Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.’
Again all was quiet.
Slowly a ‘drop dead’ gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and voice shook as she spoke.
‘Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Klan. I told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.’
762 The 10 Most Important People in a Woman's Life
The Weaker Sex
1. The doctor because he says, ‘Take off your clothes’.
2. The dentist because he says, ‘Open Wide’
3. The hairdresser because he says, ‘Do you want it teased or blown’
4. The milkman because he says, ‘Do you want it in the front or in back?’
5. The Interior Decorator because he says, ‘Once you have it all in, you'll love it!’
6. The banker because he says, ‘If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest’
7. The police officer because he says, ‘Spread 'em.’
8. The mailman because he always delivers his package.
9. The pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
10. The hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.
763 More From Jonathon
One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. ‘Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red.’
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered ‘An apple.’
The teacher replied, ‘No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now for the second one. It's soft, fuzzy and colored red and brownish.’
Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy.
‘Is it a peach?’ Billy asks.
‘No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking,’ the teacher replies. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard.’
By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically.
The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally.
‘A banana,’ she says.
‘No,’ the teacher replies, ‘it's a squash, but I like your thinking.’
Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. ‘Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it.’
‘Johnny!’ she cries. ‘That's disgusting!’
‘Nope,’ answers Johnny, ‘it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!’
764 Medicare
Mrs. Ward goes to the doctor's office to collect her husband's test results. The lab tech says to her, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your husband to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs Ward asked.
"Well, one has tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband."
"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" Questioned Mrs Ward.
"Normally, yes. But Medicare won't pay for these expensive test more than once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
765 Silly
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then," instructed the lawyer.
"But, sir, I have a wife and two children!"
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said, "Come with us."
"But sir, I have a wife and six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!" answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo.
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is almost a foot tall."
766 Bring Me A Beer Before It Starts!
A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.
When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."
That's it!" She blows her top, "You *******! You waltz in here, flop your fat *** down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. " Oh ****, it's started."
767 Golf - Doctor, Doctor!
A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
Well, it was like this’, said the man. ‘I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.’
I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt.’
‘That's when I made my big mistake.’
‘What did you do?’ asks the doctor. ‘
‘Well, I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'. I don't remember much after that.’
768 Old Dog, New Tricks
After 40 years as a gynecologist, John decided he had enough money to retire and take up his real love, auto mechanics. He left his practice, enrolled in auto mechanics school, and studied hard. The day of the final exam came and John worried if he would be able to complete the test with the same proficiency as his younger classmates.
Most of the students completed their exam in two hours. John, on the other hand, took the entire four hours allotted.
The following day, John was delighted and surprised to see a score of 150% for his exam. John spoke to his professor after class.
‘I never dreamed I could do this well on the exam. How did I earn a score of 150%?’
The professor replied, ‘I gave you 50% for perfectly disassembling the car engine. I awarded another 50% for perfectly reassembling the engine. I gave you an additional 50% for having done all of it through the muffler.’
769 Tortoises
Three tortoises, Troy, Andy and Wayne, decide to go on a picnic. Troy packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there, Troy unpacks the food and beer. ‘Ok Wayne give me the bottle opener’ ‘I didn't bring it’ says Wayne,’I thought you packed it’
Troy gets worried, He turns to Andy, ‘Did you bring the bottle opener?’
Naturally Andy didn't bring it.
So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener.
Troy and Andy beg Wayne to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches.
After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees.
So Wayne sets off down the road at a steady pace.
20 days pass and he still isn't back and Troy and Andy are starving, but a promise is a promise. Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise.
Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat them, Wayne pops up from behind a rock and shouts, ‘I knew it! ... I'm not fucking going!’
770 It's Killing Us-Diet
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Miami.
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have, or will, eat it. Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old Jewish man in the front row, raised his hand and said, "Vedding Cake?"
771 Father/Son
A son asked his father, ‘Dad, what's the difference between Potentially and Realistically?’
The Father replied, ‘If you really want to know, go ask your mother if she'll sleep with Robert Redford for one million dollars, and then go ask your sister if she'll sleep with Brad Pitt for one million dollars. And then go ask your brother if he'll sleep with Tom Cruise for one million dollars, and then come back to me and tell me what you found out.’
So the son goes to his mom and says, ‘Mom, would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?’ and the mom says ‘For a Million Dollars, Hell yeah, I would, I've been wanting to forever.’
So the son goes to his sister and asks her if she'll sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars and the sister says ‘Oh man, would I ever. I'd Love To.’
So then the son goes to his brother and says, ‘Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?’ and the brother says, ‘Hmm...for a million dollars, well...a million dollars is a lot of money, so...yeah I guess I'd do it for a million dollars’
So the boy goes back to his dad and the dad says to his son, ‘Well, what did you find out?’
His son replies, ‘Well, we're Potentially sitting on three million dollars, but realistically we're living with two sluts and a fag.’
772 White Man
All american
The old Indian chief sat in his home on the reservation, smoking his ceremonial pipe, eyeing the two U.S. government officials sent to interview him.
‘Chief Two Eagles,’ one official began, ‘you have observed the white man for many years. You have seen all his progress and all his problems.’
The chief nodded.
The official continued, ‘What do you think of all the white man has done?’
The chief stared at the officials for more than a minute, and then calmly replied. ‘When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo, plenty beaver. Women did most of the work. Medicine man free. Indian men hunted and fished all the time.’
The chief paused, then added, ‘Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.’
773 Funny animals
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, ‘Did you see what your monkey just did?’
The guy says, ‘No, what?’
‘He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!’ says the bartender.
‘Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,’ replies the patron. ‘He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff.’
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted.
‘Did you see what your monkey did?’
‘Now what?’ asks the patron.
‘Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!’ says the barkeeper.
‘Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,’ replies the patron. ‘He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first.’
774 Teen Pregnancy
A fourteen-year-old girl tells her mom that she has missed her period. The parrents shout, curse, cry, who is the pig who did this? The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a brand new Ferrari stops at their house, a mature and distinguished man, with grey hair and impeccably dressed with a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: ‘Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. If a girl is born I can bequeath her 3 stores, 2 condominiums apartments, a beach villa and a US$ 500,000 yearly bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories, apart from the US$500,000. If it is twins, a factory and US$ 250,000 each However, if there is a miscarriage...’
At this point, the father, who had remained silent all the time, places a hand on the man's shoulder and tells him: ‘You'll fuck her again!’
775 Colonoscopies - All in A Day's Work
A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:
‘Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before.’
‘Find Amelia Earhart yet?’
‘Can you hear me NOW?’
‘Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!’
‘Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?’
‘You know, in some states, we're now legally married.’
‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’
‘You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey....’
‘Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!’
‘If your hand doesn't fit, you ! must aquit!’
‘Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.’
‘You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?’
‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’
776 Pickles
There was a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sitting around talking about how their lives sucked.
The cucumber says ‘Man, my life sucks. When I get big, fat, and juicy, they cut me up and stick me on a salad’.
The pickle looks at him and says, ‘You think you have it bad? When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick me in vinegar, put spices on me, and stick me in a jar’.
The penis looks at him and says, ‘You think you have it rough? When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out!’
777 Drinking-Comic Quotes
‘I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. ‘ Frank Sinatra
‘When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.’ Henny Youngman
‘24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.’ Stephen Wright
‘Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.’ Benjamin Franklin
‘Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.’ Dave Barry
Remember ‘I’ before ‘E,’ except in Budweiser. To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
And saving the best for last, As explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: ‘Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.’
778 The Husband Store - Lessons in Life
A Husband Shopping Center has opened where a woman can go to choose a husband from among many men. It is laid out in five floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you arrive on any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down, except to exit the building. So, a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign says: Floor 1: These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman reads the sign. ‘Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?’
So up she goes.
The second floor sign says: Floor 2: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
‘Hmmm, better.’ says the woman. ‘But, I wonder what's further up?’
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, and help with the housework.
‘Wow,’ says the woman, ‘very tempting. BUT, there must be better further up!’
And, again, she goes up.
On the fourth floor the sign reads: Floor 4: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
‘Oh, mercy me! But just think...what must be awaiting me further on?
So up to the fifth floor she goes.
The sign on that door says: Floor 5: This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping and have a nice day.
779 The Gong
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night, and led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.
One of the guests asked, 'What's that big brass gong?'
'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock,' the drunk replied.
'A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend.
'Yep,' replied the drunk.
'How's it work?' the friend asked, squinting at it.
'Watch,' the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.
The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, 'You jackass, it's ten past three in the morning!'
780 Clean Your Ears
A man is lying in a hospital bed with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse enters his room to sponge his face and hands.
‘Nurse,’ he mumbles from behind the mask, ‘Are my testicles black?’
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, ‘I don't know Mr. Jones, I'm only here to wash your face and hands.’
He struggles again to ask, ‘Nurse, are my testicles black?’
Again the nurse replies, ‘I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands.’
The head nurse walks by and sees the man getting a little distraught, so she marches over to find out what's wrong.
‘Nurse,’ he mumbles, ‘are my testicles black?’
The head nurse whips back the sheets, pulls down the man's pajamas, moves his penis out of the way, has a good look, pulls up the pajamas and says, ‘There's nothing wrong with them.’
Frustrated at this, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and asks again, ‘I said, are my test results back?’
781 500 Dollars
One guy was walking down the street, and on his way he sees a beautiful chick with a very short skirt.
A guy approaches her and says to her, ‘My god, you're so hot. With this kind of look I've got to fuck you. Nothing can be avoided, and no matter what, I've got to fuck you.’
The chick is very shocked and she asks him, ‘What? In the middle of the street?’
The guy answers, ‘I've got to do it at the primary opportunity. So I'll make you an offer. I'll drop $500 on the floor and while you pick it up, I'll be able to do everything I want. OK?’
The lady seems to look intense. Then she decides to call her friend. She told her friend the story, looking for some advice. The friend says, ‘It's not a big problem - as long as you pick up the $500, it would last a long time until he gets his fireman out of his pants... Just take the money & run.’ The next day the same friend sees the lady walking like an old woman.
The friend asks her, ‘What happened to you?’
The lady answered nervously, ‘That son-of-a-bitch dropped $500 in Quarters...’
782 A Quarter Trouble
A father walks into a book store with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then quite firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, ‘I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?’
‘No,’ the woman replied. ‘Divorce attorney’.
783 Penguin Vacation
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town.
He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat but, having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.
The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, ‘It looks like you've blown a seal.’
‘No, no,’ the penguin replies, wiping his mouth, ‘it's just ice cream.’
784 New Milk Machine
There once was a farmer who owned a bunch of cows. Every day, he would wake up at 6am to go and milk all of his cows by hand. He grew tired of the practice and sought out a better, more efficient way to milk his cows. He came across a company that sold automatic milking machines, and decided to purchase one for his cows.
When it came, the farmer was excited by his new purchase. The farmer was also feeling particularly horny that day and, with his wife was out of town, he had no way of satisfying his urge. He decided to try the new milker on himself.
When he was finished, he said to himself, ‘Wow, this was even better than banging my wife, I gotta try this again sometime’, and went to remove the milker. But there was a problem, it wouldn't release. The farmer started to panic, wondering what was happening. He pressed every single button on the machine and it still would not release. He found the number for customer support, got them on his mobile phone and explained the situation. The farmer was asked for the model number of the milker, which he located and told to the customer support rep.
The response given to the farmer was: ‘I'm sorry sir. You've just purchased our newest model. It will not release until it collects 2 gallons.’
785 Treat Her Like A Woman
On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. ‘I'm too young to die,’ she wails. ‘Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable. I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman. Well I've had it. Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?’
For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. ‘I can make you feel like a woman,’ he says.
He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
‘Iron this.’
786 An Unusual Applicant
A local business looking for office help put a sign in the window saying: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer”.
A short time later, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, since the dog looked determined, he led him into the office.
Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager, who said, ‘I can't hire you. You have to be able to type.’
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and typed out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager, gave it to him and then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then reminded the dog, ‘The sign says you have to be good with a computer.’
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. He then demonstrated his expertise with various programs, producing a sample spreadsheet and database which he presented to the manager.
By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded. He looked at the dog and said, ‘I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job.’
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign. he put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. ‘Yes,’ the manager said, ‘but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual.’
The dog looked him straight in the face, waited a moment and then said, ‘Meow.’
787 Stupid Statements
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey;
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign;
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward;
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC;
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents;
"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark;
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President;
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle;
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP;
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."--Keppel Enderbery;
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina.
788 Drunk And Falling Down
A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call, the drunk stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time, to the same result. He figured he'd crawl outside to get some fresh air, since maybe that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his house. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep the second his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning by his wife shouting, ‘So you've been out drinking again, have you?’
‘No! What makes you say that?’ he asked, putting on his best innocent expression.
‘The pub called... you forgot your wheelchair again.’
789 A Great Job
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women when suddenly the Sheik came in.
‘I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession.’
The Sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living.
‘I'm a cop’, says the first man.
‘Then we will shoot your penis off’, said the Sheik.
He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.
‘I'm a firemen’, said the second man.
‘Then we will burn your penis off,' said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, ‘And you, what do you do for a living?’
And the third man answered, ‘I'm a lollipop salesman!’
790 The Perfect Day
The Perfect Day – Her
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor caf?1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
The Perfect Day – Him
6:45 Alarm.
7:00 Shower and massage.
7:30 Blowjob.
7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section.
8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.
8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
11:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.
12:30 Blowjob.
12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.
3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249
lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap.
6:15 Blowjob.
6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.
7:30 Shit, shower, shave.
8:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton's resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal (which involves graphic pictures and large farm animals).
9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero
10:30 Sex with 3 women, all from different countries
11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight Blowjob. Sleep.
791 Deadly Food
A Doctor addressing a large audience said: ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.’
792 Sending Old Men To War
If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington DC.
But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military.
They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.
You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35.
For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.
Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission.
"My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!"
"Where's the remote control?"
An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.
An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.
Old guys get up early every morning to pee.
If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys.
We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food.
We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles.
We like them almost better than naps.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and I didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."
And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out. He's still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.
All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to possible death.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.
793 Youll Lose Your Mind
A man took his wife to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. After an examination, the doctor took the husband aside and said, ‘I have bad news. There is nothing I can do to help. Your wife has lost her mind completely.’
‘I guess I shouldn't be surprised,’ the man responded calmly. ‘After all, she has been giving me a piece of it every day for the last thirty-five years.’
794 Elderly Marriage
There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.
Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, ‘Will you marry me?’ After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered. ‘Yes. Yes, I will.’
The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. ‘Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?’
He couldn't remember.
Try as he would, he just could not recall.
No even a faint memory.
With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.
First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, ‘When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?’
He was delighted to hear her say, ‘Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart.’
Then she continued, ‘And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me.’
795 Damn Women Drivers
This morning on I-5, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new ACURA doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.
As a man, I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Oscar and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.
Damn women drivers !
796 The Cursed Prince
Once upon a time there was a prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, the following year he was allowed to speak two words.
One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love. With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say ‘my darling’. But at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5).
But at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking.
Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds. Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily, ‘My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?’
The princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said: ‘Pardon?’
797 The Wrong Bitch
An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted some ‘R & R’ and was on a train bound for London.
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed, middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war-weary soldier asked, ‘Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?’
The English woman looked down at the soldier, sniffled and said, ‘You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?’
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, ‘Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired.’
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, ‘You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!’
The soldier didn't say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, ‘You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.’
798 Wrong Feet
One day, I was going to the store, and Thea wanted to go with me. I told her she could go, but she had to put on her shoes.
Being only 4 years old, she said, "OK, but will you tie them for me?"
"Sure," I replied with a big brother smile.
She bolted into the next room to put on her shoes, returning with a big smile and the shoes on the wrong feet.
Looking at her shoes, I smiled and said, "Thea, your shoes are on the wrong feet."
She looked down, then looked back up at me with a very sad face and replied, "These are the only feet I have."
799 Beer Is The Best
I don't understand.
After the last child was born, my wife told me we had to cut back on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.
Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home from grocery shopping the receipt included $45 in makeup.
I said, ‘Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything.’
She said, ‘I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you.’
I told her, ‘Hell, that's what the beer was for.’
I don't think she'll be back.
800 Stupid Technician
A man and his wife arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up their car, but were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. They went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As they watched from the passenger’s side, the guy instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open.
‘Hey,’ the man announced to the technician, ‘It’s open.’
‘I know,’ answered the young man, ‘I already got that side.’
801 This Is Good
An old story is told of a king in Africa who had a close friend with whom he grew up. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, This is good.
One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off.
Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, This is good.
To which the king replied, No, this is NOT good! and proceeded to send his friend to jail.
About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake.
As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way. As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. You were right, he said, it was good that my thumb was blown off. And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this.
No, his friend replied, This is good.
What do you mean,'This is good' How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year.’
‘If I had NOT been in jail, I would have been with you.’
802 The Gunfighter
In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.
Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who -- in his day -- had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. ‘Do you think you could give me some tips?’ he asked.
The old man looked him up and down and said, ‘Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.’
‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the young man.
‘Sure will,’ replied the old-timer.
The young man did as he was told, stood up whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
‘That's terrific,’ said the hot shot. ‘Got any more tips for me?’
‘Yep,’ said the old man. ‘Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw.’
‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the younger man.
‘You bet it will,’ said the old-timer.
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, then shot a cufflink off the piano player.
‘Wow,’ exclaimed the cowboy. ‘I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?’
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. ‘See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.’
The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
‘No,’ said the old-timer, ‘I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.’
‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the young man.
‘No,’ said the old-timer, ‘but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much.’
803 Fortune Telling
A woman goes to visit a fortune-teller. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
‘There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.’
Visibly shaken, the woman stares at the fortune-teller's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune-teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question: ‘Will I be found guilty?’
804 Needs A Push
A couple is in bed sleeping when there's a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
The husband rolls over and looks at the clock, and it's half past 3 in the morning.
‘I’m not getting out of bed at this time,’ he thinks, and rolls over.
Then, a louder knock follows.
So he drags himself out of bed, goes downstairs, opens the door, and there's a man standing there.
It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
‘Hi there,’ slurs the stranger, ‘Can you give me a push?’
‘No, get lost. It's half past three and I was in bed,’ says the man as he slams the door.
He goes back up to bed and tell his wife what happened and she says, ‘That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?’
‘But the guy was drunk,’ says the husband.
‘It doesn't matter,’ says the wife.’ He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him.’
So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere, he shouts, ‘Hey, do you still want a push?’
And he hears a voice cry out, ‘Yeah, please.’
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, ‘Where are you?’
The drunk replies, ‘Over here, on the swing.’
805 Guy who works in meat factory by The Porn Joker
Bill worked in a meat factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the bacon slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist t talk about it, but Bill indicated that he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. ‘What's wrong, Bill?’ she asked.
‘Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the bacon slicer?’
‘Oh, Bill, you didn't.’
‘Yes, I did.’
‘My God, Bill, what happened?’
‘I got fired.’
‘No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the bacon slicer?’
‘Oh...she got fired as well.’
806 Passing the test
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.
It had to be deliberate.
She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.
She said, ‘I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.’
I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house.
I walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, ‘We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.’
The moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
807 According to the dictionary
A Koala bear decides he wants to get laid, so he picks up a hooker. He goes down on her several times, and screws her many times as well and they are really enjoying themselves. After they are finished the koala bear starts getting dressed.
The hooker says, ‘where’s my money?’
The koala bear shrugs his shoulders. The hooker repeats herself asking for her money. Again he shrugs his shoulders. The hooker grabs a dictionary and looks up the word hooker and shows it to the koala bear.
It says ‘gets paid for sex.’
The koala bear picks up the dictionary and looks up Koala Bear and shows it to the hooker.
It says, ‘Eats shoots and leaves!’
808 Knowledge
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.
‘You know,’ he says, ‘I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk.’
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy ‘What would you like to discuss?’
‘Oh, I don't know,’ says the guy. ‘How about nuclear power?’
"OK," says the blonde "That could be an interesting topic but let me ask you a question first… A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, grass, yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy is dumbfounded but finally replies, ‘I haven't the slightest idea.’
‘So tell me,’ says the blonde ‘How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t’?
809 Obedient Car
This guy pulls into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure his dog had fresh air. The dog was stretched out in the back seat, and the guy wanted to impress upon he that he must remain there so he walked to the curb backward, pointing his finger at the car and saying emphatically, ‘Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!’
The driver of a nearby car gave the guy a startled look. ‘I don’t know about you, man,’ he said incredulously, ‘but I usually just put my car in park.’
810 The Gorilla
Husband and wife go to the zoo and as they are walking past the gorilla cage, she starts to tease him.
He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.
The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along.
She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down.
"Now try lifting your dress up your thighs"... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache. |
Title: 88E469SD Ward of the State_(0)
Tags: Fantasy, Boy, Gay
Introduction:
The following story was NOT written by me, it was written by Howdy Doody from Johnie's Stories and Poems website, in the Archives section
Content:
88E469SD
WARD OF THE STATE
By HOWDY DOODY
___
Part Three
Michael was awoken by Doc at 4:30. It was time to take his charges back to the dorm and the 4 boys would be waiting for him in less than half an hour. Doc had given Michael sedatives and he wished that his rest was twice the 5 hours he was asleep. At the same time, he had to find out what condition his 5th charge, Alex was in. When Michael went to sleep, Alex had a fever of 104.5 and it was rising. Alex had a massive infection and was deaf in one ear from the blow the guard had given him, and the boy was in very desperate shape. The medical problems were compounded by the fact that the child wasn’t putting up any fight, he was almost willing himself to die.
Michael got off the gurney and followed Doc to the boy’s bedside. Alex was now naked on the bed and Doc’s assistants had spent the last 5 hours giving him alcohol wraps and ice packs under his arms and around his groin to lower the boy’s temperature to a safer level. Above 103 degrees a human’s brain is cooking in the heat. Convulsions, if they began would eventually lead to retardation or death if the temperature could not be lowered and very quickly.
Alex’s temperature spiked to 105 between 1 and 3 in the afternoon, and Doc had ordered that the boy be immersed in a bathtub of ice and water and ordered ice water enemas. It was a desperate measure, but the alternative was death for the boy and that was unacceptable to Doc and his team. Alex’s body began responding to the IV antibiotics and body wraps by 4:30 and the boy’s temperature by then was falling to below 103. Alex was once again beginning to move and showing signs of consciousness. Michael was now again at the boy’s side with Doc.
Michael was concerned that Alex had given up on life and was allowing himself to drift away to death. He could certainly understand the boy’s attitude, (or complete lack of it) but he felt that if the boy could receive communication from his friends, they could be beneficial to him. “His closest friend here is Aaron; I think we should let Aaron try to reach him,” Michael said to Doc. “It can’t hurt,” Doc replied. “Have you considered the effect on Aaron if the boy dies?” No, Michael hadn’t considered that, he thought to himself.
Michael decided he would take the risk and asked a trustee to bring Aaron to the ward. Aaron walked in and looked down at his friend. “Talk to him Aaron, we think he can hear you and he needs to know that you and the other boys are fine and that you want him to join you,” Michael told the boy. “Is he going to die?” Aaron asked Michael without looking away from his friend. Michael had to choose his words extremely carefully. If he said “No,” and Alex died, Aaron might be able to deal with it, but Michael doubted that he could. The boys in his care were Michael’s life, even if he was considered a moral degenerate by “society”. Michael didn’t give a rat’s ass what the assholes outside thought of him, he only cared what the boys he loved and cared for thought. “We’re doing everything we possibly can to make sure that doesn’t happen, but Alex needs to know that we love him and want him here,” Michael told the boy. Aaron continued to look down on his friend. “Can I talk to him alone?” Aaron asked. Doc reached over and put his hand on Michael’s shoulder and pulled back on it. “Talk to him Aaron,” Doc told the boy and the trustees and Doc with Michael backed away from the boy’s bed. Aaron moved to Alex’s side and leaned over and put his head down by Alex’s ear and started to whisper into it as the adults moved out of hearing.
Doc and Michael watched as Aaron talked into his friend’s ear. Aarons hand went to Alex’s chest and moved it back and forth from left to right and back again. The adults watching were considered the dregs of society but none had a dry eye watching the scene unfold before them.
Aaron talked to his friend for about five minutes and then he reached over and kissed him in the cheek. Doc moved forward with Michael. “I don’t know if he heard me,” Aaron said to the men with tears streaming down his face. Michael said nothing to the boy, there was nothing to say. He picked Aaron up and held the boy as tightly as he could. Aaron buried his face in Michael’s shoulder and his body shuddered. Michael rarely thought about violence, but he wanted to kill the mother fucking guard at Danamora and that thought kept him from joining Aaron in tears.
Michael had 3 more boys out in the infirmary that needed to return to the dorm along with Aaron and he asked Doc to keep him informed. Doc and the team returned to Alex, and Michael went out to the infirmary with Aaron. “What’s the matter with Aaron?” Conner wanted to know as Michael approached. “Aaron’s had a visit with Alex who is very sick and he’s upset about it,” Michael told Conner. “Can I go visit Alex?” Conner wanted to know. “No, Alex is asleep and Doc is working on him right now, maybe tomorrow Conner,” Michael told the little boy. “We have to go back to the dorm and get ready for dinner now.” Conner was disappointed in not being able to see Alex, but the little boy’s attention was now quickly focusing on food. Lunch to Conner was something out of a dream for him, and he was looking forward to dinner. Food was something that Conner rarely got in his 9 odd years of living, and his body showed it. He weighed only 55 pounds and had the body of a seven year old. Michael hoped that it could be rectified with proper diet.
Michael took his boys into the dorm for the first time and closed the door behind him. The boys were now entering into Step One in the program. Step one was the initial 30 day period when the boys were assigned to dorms and caretakers. In the guards terminology, step one was the “breaking in” period. The boys would be kept naked to accustom them to being comfortable around adults without clothing on. They would also be introduced to being comfortable having sex with each other and the adults around them. When that wasn’t being taught to them, they would have academic classes. It was the caretaker’s job to see to it that these goals were met without violence since that could make a boy seek to get out of his situation by either running away or telling someone who had no business knowing what was going on. The guards saw no problems with any of this, after all, these kids fucked themselves into prison in the first place, why not put that fucking to a profitable use?
Michael had about 45 minutes before it would be time to go to dinner and he wanted to use the time to explain what would be happening over the next few days. He sat down on his bed and both 12 year old Mark and 14 year old Jimmy sat down on the rug in front of him. Conner climbed up on the bed and promptly set himself up next to Michael who still had Aaron with his face buried in his shoulder. The boy had stopped crying, but didn’t want to be let go of by his caretaker.
“For the next 3 months you and I will be living here together in this dorm,” Michael began. “The remainder of the new boys will be living here in this section, and we’ll be sharing the living room and bathroom with them. But we are separate from them, and they are separate from us. Have you met the other caretakers yet?” Michael asked. “Yes,” the boys nodded. “Good, eventually you get to know and talk with each one of them, but for now, we need to get to know each other first. You know my name is Michael and I know you are Conner, Mark, Jimmy and Aaron here,” as he pointed to each boy in turn. “You also know that I am a trustee just like all the other trustees and we are all inmates like you. We’re all in prison because we were convicted of sex offenses.”
“What did you do?” Jimmy asked Michael. Michael made it his personal policy to never lie to the boys and to be very open and frank about answering questions. “When I was a boy a little older than you I had sex with my cousin and was caught. I’ve been in prison now for about 10 years,” Michael told the boys. Jimmy wanted to know more. “Was your cousin a boy or a girl?” “She was a girl and she was 3 years older than I was,” Michael said. “We’ll get into the details about my history in the coming days just as we’ll be getting into all your histories, but that’s in the future. We have more important things to be doing right now and story time will wait,” Michael told the boys. Jimmy was happy about the information he received, but also confused. If he had sex with a girl, and the girl was even older than he was, why would he be in jail?
“Do you know what we all did?” Mark then asked Michael. “Yes, I know everything in the file. I really don’t care what’s in the files; I care what you have to say,” Michael said to Mark. Marks head went down and he stared at the floor. “We’ve all spent way too much time feeling guilty and ashamed of what we’ve done and how we feel,” Michael told the group of boys listening to him. “Those days are over. We are what we are and we’ve done what we’ve done. Now it’s time to say fuck it and move on! Mark, look at me.” Mark lifted his head and his eyes met Michaels. “Say fuck it Mark!” Mark did. “Now say fuck it like you meant it!” Michael ordered him. “Fuck it,” Mark said much louder. “Good, that’s a pretty good start!” said Michael with 4 boys giggling. Aaron was back.
“OK, let’s move on to your being naked.” Michael now had the complete attention of all 4 boys. “You boys are now in Step One. It’s mandatory that all boys are naked for their first 30 days and you saw that in the Mess Hall. You do not have to be naked unless you want to be when you are inside the dorm.” Aaron, Jimmy and Mark all looked at each other. Conner had a diaper on, he didn’t really care what Michael just said. “But we don’t have any clothes,” Aaron said to Michael. Michael got up off the bed and opened one of his drawers. Inside, was a draw full of boy’s briefs from size 8 to size 14, all brand new and the smaller ones were underoos. Conner looked stunned. Jimmy’s eyes bugged out. “You still have no clothing to wear, but you may come in and put on a clean pair of underwear anytime you enter the dorm. It must be taken back off before you leave the dorm. If you leave the dorm with the underwear on, it will be removed. Is that clear?” “Yes!” said the boys and dove for the drawer. All 4 boys had underwear on in under 10 seconds, even Conner put his on over his diaper.
The 3 older boys stood or walked around for awhile feeling the underwear front and back as they moved about. Aaron stuck his hands down his pants and just held his penis in his hands. Security had returned to the boys for the first time in days and they were drinking in the feeling. They were practically drunk from it. Michael sat back and watched the boys. It was fantastic that they were so happy, even if it meant that their bodies were temporarily covered. Michael definitely preferred his boys naked. Mark joined Aaron in his method of additional security and found himself getting an erection. It had been ages since he felt happy about holding himself; he sat down and savored the feelings that were going through him. Michaels smile deepened. A commotion was coming from the living room, and Michael knew that the other caretakers had distributed the underwear out to their boys and Michael told his boys they could join the party. For the next 20 minutes, it was show and tell in the living room as 19 boys modeled their new drawers off to each other.
“Ok guys, listen up,” Michael told the group just before the bell rang for dinner. “When you take off the underwear, you put it in the washing machine and it will be washed and dried and returned to the drawers clean. Do not put on a dirty pair of underwear.” That news didn’t depress Aaron one bit. “When you return to the dorm you can put on a new pair, but it’s almost time for dinner, so let’s give the twins some air.” It took a few seconds for the message to compute, and then laughter was heard for the first time in the section. Without reluctance from the boys, underwear was dropping to the floor and more than a few erections came to light in addition to Mark’s. Conner took his off and put them up to his face. With the diaper on, his skin didn’t know what the fabric felt like and he wanted to remind himself. For the first time in days it was Michael’s turn to laugh as he took the pants from the boy and rubbed them all over his chest and body. Conner stood there like someone was putting sun tan lotion on him. It was good to see the boys coming back into form, Michael thought to himself. The boys entered the mess hall and got into line just in back of the older boys chattering away now like the rest of them. There was no more difference between the new and the old, they were all equal now except for the shorts and jump suits and the boys knew that even those were on the way.
Dinner was pork chops, mashed potatoes and carrots and peas. Desert was apple pie with ice cream. The snow was flying outside even though the boys couldn’t see it, and not one of them really cared. Christmas came a month early for the boys and Aaron began to see his world in color again. After dinner the boys returned to the dorm with all 4 heading straight for the underwear. Michael knew it would be shower time in 45 minutes, but he let the boys have their security blankets in the meantime. He would rather have the opportunity to see their bodies as it was when they were born, but hiding a set of testicles and a penis under a sheath of thin cloth also had its appeal. He sat down at the foot of his bed once again and told the boys it was meeting time again. Conner climbed back into Michael’s lap before someone else took his spot, and the meeting resumed with Michael slowly circling the little boy’s tummy in his hands like a woman with a very pregnant stomach would.
Michael began the meeting telling the boys the rules on showers. The caretakers washed the boys regardless of age. Every boy took a shower every night. Each unit in the dorm had 30 minutes apiece, and Michael’s group would be 2nd in line at 7:30. Morning showers would be taken by any boy wetting the bed, or any other boy wanting to take one. Michael knew that of the 19 boys in the dorm, 12 wet the bed and that would most likely increase over time due to the increased fluid the boys would be ingesting. Michael liked boys who wet the bed: he had done so until after age 14 himself. Morning showers would be very busy, and give the boys ample time to enjoy one another’s company and get to know one another better in a structured environment.
Moving on to sleeping arrangements, Michael told the boys that there were no assigned beds, the boys slept where they wanted to in the double bed room, they all slept in Michaels bed on rotation, 2 at a time. This news put a halt to Michael’s report to the boys and he knew it would, it did every single time. As Michael expected, Jimmy had the first question: “What does rotation mean?” “Unless there is someone sick, each boy rotates sleeping in my bed every night,” Michael said to Jimmy knowing that would create another dozen questions. “But where do you sleep” Jimmy asked. “In my bed,” Michael told the boys. “We sleep with you?” Jimmy asked. “Yes, probably every 3rd night,” Michael told the boy. “Why,” Aaron asked. “Because it’s mandatory,” Michael told the boys. “Do we have to do anything with you?” Jimmy wanted to know. Michael knew he was now coming to the root of the question. “Are you asking me if you have to fuck Jimmy?” Jimmy turned a slight shade of red. Nobody ever asked him any question quite that bluntly before. “I don’t know,” the boy said. “I don’t know is an evasion Jimmy. You want to know if we will be having sex together and the answer is yes. But only when you decide you want to do it,” Michael said to the boy. “Nobody will make any one of you do anything you don’t freely want to do. To your caretakers, no means no. You will never be touched for sexual purposes without your agreement and consent.”
“Are you gay?” Jimmy wanted to know. “I think your question really is: Do I have sex with boys isn’t it?” Michael asked Jimmy. Jimmy was hit with another bomb. “I guess so,” Jimmy said. “Yes, I do!” Michael told Jimmy. “As do all the caretakers of all the boys.” Aaron looked around. Jimmy’s face still told him he had many more questions. Conner was sitting sideways on Michael’s lap looking at Michael and saying nothing. Mark sat there Indian style asking no questions, but sporting a rod underneath his pants that he was covering up with his hands. “But we don’t have to do it if we don’t want to right?” Jimmy asked Michael. “You are 100 percent correct. Nobody will make you have sex unless you want them to,” Michael said to the boy. Jimmy didn’t say anything; he put his hands on top of his pants. If that’s true he thought to himself, this boy ain’t getting laid anytime soon!
“The rules on inter personal relationships between yourselves are basically the same,” Michael told the attentive group. “You may freely engage each other as you wish, but only if your partner agrees to participate by consenting without being harassed or intimidated.” “What’s that mean?” Conner asked. “It means no boy can force another to do anything they don’t want to do,” Michael told the little boy who received a kiss on the top of his head. “If you do decide to play with any of your friends, it’s only done in the dorms. Not in school and not in the mess hall.” Aaron smiled at the thought of having sex sitting on a mess hall table.
“Boys being boys, you all undoubtedly play with your penises. When you do, it will be done in the dorm or at the toilet.” The older boys looked around at each other. “I don’t do any of that stuff,” Jimmy proclaimed. Michael smiled at him. “If you don’t, I’m going to have to put your name in the Guinness Book of Records, because you’re the only living boy in the world that doesn’t!” This brought more laughter from Aaron and Mark. Jimmy wasn’t happy: he was caught with his pants down once again. It wasn’t fair that he could have no deep secrets from this man who seemed to know everything about him and what he did with himself in the privacy of his own bedroom!
“In 3 days you will all start attending classes every morning for 3 hours and every afternoon for 2 hours. School will be taught by a teacher, also a trustee, who will teach all boys of this section. His name is Mr. Bill. You’ll be back in the dorm by 3:15 and we will have recreation in the afternoon.” Jimmy had another question: “Are the teachers here because of sex too?” he asked Michael. “Yes they are. Every single trustee you come into contact with is in prison for sexual crimes,” Michael told the boys. “If you want to know the specifics, all you have to do is ask them and they’ll tell you exactly what they did.” “Will they know what we did?” Mark wanted to know. “Yes,” Michael said to the boy, “and it doesn’t matter any more to them than it does to your caretakers. They accept you all just the way you are regardless of what you did.”
Michael went on to tell the boys everything he could think of concerning daily life and the rules and regulations of the dorm and 7:30 rolled around. “Ok, it’s shower time; let’s get you guys cleaned up.” With that Michael stood up and got undressed. Having seen Michael in the pictures, the boys knew what Michael looked like, but seeing pictures and seeing the person in front of you is slightly different. When his underwear hit the floor, the boys came face to face with a grown man’s naked body and there were red faces blooming except for Conner. Conner was used to seeing naked men, either screwing his mother or when he was being screwed by them. He never learned to be selfconscious or ashamed of his body and now walked up to Michael looking at the man’s genitals. “My uncle Fred has a bigger cock than you do,” the boy told him. Michael had a very good looking body and he was not ashamed of it. “That might be,” Michael said to Conner picking him up, “But I’m happy with what I’ve got and he makes me very happy,” Conner giggled as he was carried into the bath room with the other boys following behind. It was impossible for the boys not to notice that two of Peter’s boys and Peter himself all had erections as they walked in.
Michael addressed the situation himself rather than to wait for any comment or question concerning it. “If any or you haven’t noticed, there are a few flag poles standing at attention. Getting an erection in the shower is not unusual, it happens more often than not because your penis is reacting to either the water falling on it or from being handled while washing. Unless you intend it to be that way, it has little to do with sex, and nobody’s going to jump your bones if you end up with a boner,” Michael told the boys. “In all probability you will so forget it, it doesn’t mean a thing unless you want it to OK?” A subdued chorus of “yes” greeted the end of Michael’s speech.
Peter was finishing drying off his boys as Michael stepped into the showers and sat down on the floor with Conner still in his lap. Aaron, Mark and Jimmy followed and each boy got under a shower head. “Get all wet and wait for me to finish with Conner and I’ll wash each one of you in turn,” Michael told the boys. Conner’s diaper came off and Conner promptly proclaimed “Look, my dickie is sticking out like you said!” Michael looked down at the boy’s penis that was pointing straight for the man’s nose. “very beautiful!” Michael said to Conner as the boy smiled and took hold of his penis and squeezed it.
CONNER’S STORY
Conner was born into a world of poverty and neglect that would make “Oliver Twist” look like a fairy tale come true. His egg donor was a drug addict and hooker who had 3 children. Conner was the middle child; his older brother was already removed from his egg donor’s custody and put into foster care by the Albany County Department of Social Services. Conner was a very lucky boy: he wasn’t in the State’s custody yet.
His sister was a year younger than he was. Nobody, including his egg donor, knew who any of her children’s sperm donors were. There was a pool of about 400 males possible.
At two years of age, Conner began earning his keep when his egg donor began accepting Jackson’s for a loose diaper. By age 4 Conner knew how to work the zipper on a man’s pants and by 6, he had 2 anal tears under his belt. The egg donor was good at explaining away the tears to the hospitals: the boy swallowed a peach pit. By age 7, Conner was sent to cruise the bathrooms at the New York State Museum and Plaza. The job was simple: wait at a urinal until a man comes up to the one next to you, and make sure he saw your penis. If he invited you into a stall, get 20 bucks and let him suck you off. If he wanted you to bend over, get 50 bucks. Conner started making more money than his egg donor.
Conner was busted at age 9 and the egg donor split for Binghamton. The boy became a Ward of the State and now he was really fucked!
___
Michael had him washed in around five minutes and had Conner play on the shower floor until he was done. Then Michael called for Jimmy. “Why can’t we just wash ourselves?” Jimmy asked Michael. “Because that’s my job, and I like my job,” Michael told the very unhappy boy. Jimmy’s reluctance about being bathed had a whole lot to do with the very reason he was in prison.
JIMMY’S STORY
Jimmy came from a middle class family and lived in a small hamlet just outside of Kingston, N.Y. Besides his mother and father, he had a sister who was 3 years younger than himself and a brother who was 5 years older.
Jimmy had a normal family life, and was a fairly typical boy growing up. Nothing was too extreme in his life; he was progressing normally through adolescence. The only thing slightly askew concerning Jimmy’s upbringing was the practice his mother had of always bathing Jimmy and his sister together. Up until around age 8 or 9, Jimmy thought nothing much about
taking baths with his sister, with 3 years difference, she was a little girl.
By about age 10 Jimmy figured out, as most boys do at that age, that his penis did a little something more than just expel urine. Jimmy discovered jerking off by watching his big brother jerk off to Playboy every night just before the lights went out.
Jimmy’s sister was very cute and Jimmy was not blind. Baths from about the age of enlightenment on became more and more difficult for Jimmy. By age 12, it took all of Jimmy’s willpower to avoid erections occurring at the wrong time and place. His mother in the meantime was oblivious to Jimmy’s torment, even as she washed his sister’s vagina inches away from Jimmy’s face while he was sitting in the tub. Some little girls have small vaginas prior to puberty; Jimmy’s sister wasn’t one of them.
Jimmy’s only sexual outlet was jerking off, and he was at it 3 to 5 times a day trying to keep the well empty and evil thoughts out of his brain. On several occasions, Jimmy’s little sister caught him in the act. He convinced her to say nothing to their parents. She agreed if she could watch him while he jerked off. Jimmy had little choice.
At age 13, Jimmy came home from school one day and found his sister lying on her bed. Her big brother had his tongue wrapped around her clitoris. Big brother was afraid that Jimmy was going to spill the beans until little sister reminded Jimmy about his “secret”. Jimmy said nothing to his parents, but bath times now became hell for Jimmy.
Jimmy’s big brother joined the Army just when Jimmy turned 14. Home on leave from boot camp, Jimmy once again came home from school and found his little sister once again on her back but this time with big brothers penis up her vagina instead of his tongue. Big brother knew his secret was safe with Jimmy, so he didn’t bother to interrupt his lovemaking and filled his little sister with his little fishes as Jimmy had to stand there jerking off. When big brother finished with his sister, he bent Jimmy over and gave Jimmy some attention too. Jimmy was now a participant and would HAVE to remain silent.
Big brother was assigned overseas and Jimmy and little sister were now the only children in the home. 3 months later Mommy came home unexpectedly one afternoon and found Jimmy and his sister upstairs in the parents’ bedroom. Just as his mother entered the room, Jimmy was coming to orgasm and even with his mother’s screaming in the background, was unable to stop his orgasm in mid flight. When he was able to withdraw from his sister, his sperm was still flowing both on the parents’ bed and on his sister’s legs. Mommy went ballistic.
Not only did Jimmy have sex with his own sister, but he flaunted the act in front of her with his obscene continuance. Mommy expected instantaneous cessation; like stopping a sneeze half way through. Jimmy was locked in his bedroom and awaited the return of his father who was on the way after getting a call from his hysterical wife. When Jimmy’s dad arrived he locked himself into Jimmy’s room and stripped the boy naked. Then he lay him on the bed and beat him bloody with his belt while his knee was across the boy’s back pinning him to the bed.
Little sister was taken to the doctor and found to be 3 months pregnant. The baby was sucked out of her and Jimmy was sucked into Family Court. The parents wanted nothing more to do with the evil monster they no longer called their son and the boy was declared a PINS (Person In Need of Supervision). Mommy and Daddy washed their hands of Jimmy and awaited the return of their wonderful son who was serving his country.
___
As much as he very much wanted to, Michael didn’t linger while washing the boy’s genitals, but in doing so, he did become erect. Michael knew full well that the boy’s testicles were producing his juice and the boy had a picture perfect penis of about 4 1/2 inches with a head that Michelangelo would have been proud of. Michael was yearning to have him in his mouth.
Jimmy saw Michael’s erection happening and was afraid his own erection would follow. He looked away whenever possible. “Sorry about that,” Michael said to the boy. “But he’s got a mind of his own, and I don’t control him when I’m looking at a very beautiful boy’s body so it’s all your fault,” Michael said to the boy jokingly. Jimmy blushed and concentrated harder on keeping his penis under tight control. Jimmy’s bath mercifully ended for Jimmy without too much embarrassment for the boy and Michael moved on to wash Aaron.
All boys’ bodies were extremely beautiful to Michael. Some damned near made him drool. Aaron had sandy blond hair, steel gray piercing eyes and dimples you could hide grapes in. Aaron was a 10 in mind and body. Aaron was also the only boy in Michael’s dorm who was uncircumcised. Michael wasn’t happy about bathing Aaron that first time, because he knew that tomorrow, the boy would be circumcised. Circumcision was mandatory for health reasons as well as hygiene and Doc was in full agreement with the guards on this issue. He had seen too many problems with STDs among children associated with foreskins and even the trustees like Gramps and Coach had to have their foreskins removed in order to participate in the program. Doc also knew that the boys who had it done as well as the adults, were pretty much split 50/50 as to which way was better, snipped or unsnipped.
All of this was something Aaron didn’t know anything about yet. Tonight’s shower and tomorrow morning’s shower would be the last ones Aaron took as an uncircumcised boy, and Michael rather enjoyed seeing them on boys. He pulled back the boy’s foreskin and washed it very carefully. Michael loved the look of a head fresh out of a foreskin: it always gleamed from wet and was usually surrounded by the white cream of youth. Even the act of pulling the boy’s foreskin down to expose the head was thrilling in itself to Michael, like unwrapping a Christmas present would be to a child. You never knew what you were going to be finding under that layer of skin and how wonderful the smell of a little boy’s freshly peeled head could be. Penises under wraps were also much more sensitive to the touch than snipped boys and Aaron was having one hell of a time keeping his penis from going into an erection. Michael knew that the boy was feeling extremely sensitive, and was much less successful at keeping his own penis down which didn’t escape Aaron’s attention either.
AARONS STORY
Aaron lived in a quaint little Old Dutch town just west of Albany. It was a bedroom community to the big city and the majority of the residents were professionals that worked in the Capital. The towns biggest claim to fame is that it has one of the largest and most anal police forces in the Capital District, short of Bethlehem. Up until Aaron reached the age of 10, he never had any contact with the anal police, but then one day a group of children got together in a field on a warm summer day and decided that they wanted to know what was in each other’s pants. There were 3 boys in attendance, one was 8, one was 9 and one was 10. The girl was 8.
Rape! Was the headlines in the Times Union newspaper and the television news folks fell all over themselves in the gory details. The 8 year old sodomized the little girl, the 9 year old had her orally copulate him, the 10 year old had vaginal intercourse with her. The paper received a record amount of requests for copies the next day. Sex in Albany sells very well, the very best kiddie porn can be found every Sunday in the local news section of the paper. When fresh news isn’t occurring, “special reports” can always be counted on to keep circle jerks flowing for the readers pleasure. “Normal” people just can’t get enough to read or watch TV about when it comes to those “horrible” child molestations; who the fuck is kidding who!
Obviously, the 10 year old boy was fully responsible for everything that occurred, and Aaron found himself in Danamora right alongside the Son of Sam where he belonged!
___
Mark was the last boy to be washed. Like Conner, Mark was erect and like Jimmy, his face was red. “They don’t get much better looking than that,” Michael told the boy and it was Mark’s turn to giggle. Mark didn’t have a long penis for a 12 year old, but what he lacked in length, he made up for in girth. Mark’s penis wasn’t erect due to the water or handling, Mark was erect watching Michael wash Aaron and seeing the man’s penis bloom along with Aaron’s very pretty dick.
Mark had not started to ejaculate yet and looking at his testicles, Michael figured he was at least a year or more away before he would be donating any sperm to a very grateful recipient. Unlike the other boys, Mark’s scrotum was a light brown color that Michael knew would darken with age. He had the sack of the European stock he came from. Michael loved Greek boys especially well. When properly raised, they were like little rabbits. This boy Michael knew was raised very properly! In evaluating the boys in his dorm he always tried to guess which ones would accept their caretaker’s first. Michael accessed his boys, and decided that Mark would be the most likely candidate of his group. Mark would sleep with him that night.
Showers finished, all the boys were dried and returned to the dorm. All the boys once again put a new pair of underwear on except for Conner. As the boys would now learn, Michael never returned to clothing after showers, he was naked for the night. In the morning, he was naked until the group left for the mess hall. Seeing Michael naked became common place for the boys, it was designed to be that way. As Michael would do every three hours or so for the next week, Conner’s anus was attended to and he was returned to his diaper. For the balance of the evening, Michael cleaned out each boy’s ears, cut their finger and toe nails and then sent them back to the bathroom for teeth brushing and toilets. They were then free to watch TV until bed.
By about 8:30 he called them back from the TV room and got them ready for bed. Michael gave each boy a large glass of water just before bed to help encourage the supply of water works. “Conner will be sleeping in my bed until the diaper comes off,” he told the boys. “Mark, you have first rotation.” “Since there are two beds left and only two boys, you two can decide to sleep alone, or together, it’s your choice,” he told Aaron and Jimmy. Michael wasn’t surprised that Jimmy opted to sleep alone. Aaron didn’t care, but he wished he could sleep with his friend Alex. Having Alex next to him gave him a sense of security. He liked that. Aaron and Jimmy got into bed and pulled up the covers. The beds had a huge comforter on them and very big fluffy pillows that Aaron sunk his head down into. Michael bent over each boy and gave them a peck on the forehead along with a “goodnight”. Then he turned out the lights and returned to his room.
Conner was wrapped up in the comforter already and Mark was sitting on the bed waiting for Michael to climb in. Michael got into the middle and reached over and gave Conner a small kiss on the lips and a goodnight as the boy rolled over on his side and wrapped his arm around Michael. Mark entered his side of the bed and pulling the covers up leaned over and gave Michael a kiss and said goodnight as well. Mark rolled over on his stomach and turned his head away from Michael and he turned out the lights.
MARK’S STORY
Mark was the sixth son of parents who emigrated from Greece as children. His parents raised all their sons as they themselves had been raised for generations, going back many tens of hundreds of years. To a Greek father, his son was his soul. He was his life, and it was his responsibility to lead him into manhood. As his ancestors did before him for time immemorial, Mark’s father would introduce his son to life’s mysteries beginning at the age of 5 when he no longer needed his mother’s bed and milk to sustain life.
On the night of Mark’s 5th birthday, the family Patriarch, his grandfather, took his virginity as he had done to all the males in his family. His grandfather then presented the boy to his father’s bed and Mark would know his father’s love for the first time. From that point on, Mark’s education expanded to the inner family circle including his uncles and male cousins. From age 5 to age 12, Mark knew what every other male member of his family knew: they were bonded together by blood and body.
All went well for Mark for 7 years since he knew no other lifestyle and his entire family participated in his upbringing. At age 15 his education would be complete and he would join the other males of his family and begin his own family over time. Much to sociologists chagrin, Greek males rarely become homosexual despite family traditions. Nobody really knows how to explain that to these morons.
On a weekend sleepover at a school mate’s party, at age 12, the school mate’s mother found him performing oral sex on her precious little baby and Mark’s former life ended in Family Court. Mark was declared a PINS by the court (Person In Need of Supervision) and he was trotted off. Mark’s family, in terror of being implicated in Mark’s penchant for sex, agreed to voluntarily relinquish parental custody of him. Mark was cast adrift by his family but he remained silent concerning their traditions.
___
At about midnight a very soft alarm went off and Michael awoke to change Conner’s diaper and put new medicine on. Going back to bed, Michael noticed that Mark was now also awake. Michael turned out the light and shortly thereafter Mark was stirring in the bed. His legs came up and Michael heard the sound of the boy’s underwear coming off. Mark reached over to Michael and took the man’s hand and put his underwear in it. Michael felt the heat of Mark’s body still warming the pants. His erection was on its way. Mark looked into Michael’s eyes for a long few moments and then not saying anything he reached down to Michael’s penis and cupped it in his hands. The boy smiled knowing that Michael was going to accept him. He then drew a finger along the underside of Michael’s rim and brought the finger up to his upper lip and painted the area with Michael’s smell. Then he reached back down to his own penis and doing the same thing to himself, painted Michael’s upper lip with his smell. The smell of the boy’s penis cream was dizzying to Michael; this had never been done to him before. He didn’t know how, but his erection seemed to intensify. With every breath the boy’s smell thrilled Michael to the core. Mark then turned himself around and moved into Michael’s body moving his buttocks against the man’s leg. Michael knew the signal to be permission for him to join with Mark. This was the method taught to Mark by his family, and words didn’t need to be spoken.
Michael moved to his side and placed his penis into the folds of the boy’s cheeks and waited for the precum to arrive that he knew would make the journey easier for the boy. He moved his hand over to the boy’s chest and stroked downward along the child’s silky smooth body until it reached Mark’s waiting penis that was pulsing with excitement and yearning for release. Michael felt his penis react to the touch of the boy, and felt the movement of the precum that was well on its way though his penis. Mark’s body melded into Michaels torso like a glove from the boy’s heals to his head which was just below Michael’s chin. Michael reached his head down and kissed the boy on the side of his neck and then slowly started to gently suck.
Mark shuddered from the feel of the man on his neck; it was exactly what he remembered about his father when he demonstrated his love for his son so very many times before. Michael felt the shudder and stopped sucking on the boy. “Please don’t stop,” Mark said to Michael and Michael reached his other hand under the boy’s body and held him as tightly as he could and giving him a gentle kiss as he resumed tasting the boy’s sweet tender skin.
Michael’s hand found its way to the boy’s slowly expanding and contracting tummy and slowly started to circle it. Michael loved the feeling of a boy’s soft stomach, it fed into his deepest sexual fantasy of giving a boy his seed and getting him pregnant with his child.
The thought of the sight of a boy with a round fat belly holding a baby within was fostered in Michael as an 8 year old boy when his father made love to him and whispered into his ear that this was how he was conceived, and his father was now giving Michael a baby of his very own to grow inside of him. Michael at 8 thought he was pregnant and the thought excited him to orgasm spontaneously. It never happened again and Michael was always searching for a return to that event.
From instinct, Mark knew when Michael had sufficient precum available to him and without either partners hands, adjusted his body to accept the penis that was inches away from the boy’s rectum. With an upward lifting of his body, Mark expertly guided Michael’s penis into place and when he knew that his head was at the door, moved his hips back down and felt his anus accepting the gift that he knew would be filling him with the love and comfort he so desperately wanted and needed.
Michael felt the sliding of his head through the boy’s anus and it stopped temporarily just inside the boy with the muscle of Mark’s anus now sitting under the rim of his head. The muscle was slowly contracting around his penis and the boy was flexing his anus to stimulate both himself and Michael.
To Michael, moving now would have been obscene. The boy was obviously in control of how his love would be accepted and it was very clear that Mark knew the mechanics. Michael made no attempt to enter the boy further; he would take his guidance from the boy’s actions. With each contraction from Mark, Michael’s penis reacted by involuntarily flexing. In turn, this would cause Marks penis to flex, and both lovers bathed in the feelings that each was receiving.
Mark’s hand moved to the back of Michael’s leg and he held it tightly against his body. Mark was ready to fully accept Michael, and the boy’s hips once again moved back towards Michael’s groin. Mark had total control of his sphincter muscle and the child was allowing it to expand and accept Michael’s shaft that was now wet with his precum and the boy’s inner juices that surrounded the boy’s anal ring. Michael felt his penis moving slowly but very comfortably deep into the boy’s very warm body. Every few millimeters, the boy would flex his muscle which sent shock waves through Michael’s penis and to his prostate which was working over time on producing the nectar necessary to deliver Michael’s seed from his pulsing eggs. As it moved further and further in, Michael’s head was being bathed in feelings of heat and pressure that came from parting the little boy’s rectal walls. As the man’s cock slipped in the pressure in Michael’s urethra increased as the tube slid into the boy and rested against his prostate that was throbbing with activity. The boy would not ejaculate, but he would feel every bit of the pleasure experienced by a producing man and he knew it was building inside of him as it had done hundreds of times before with his family. The boy’s reaction took many forms. His legs were quivering slightly and his head was pushing back against Michael’s chest. Very low moans were coming deep from within Mark, and they were unmistakable moans of pleasure. The boy had always been encouraged from the earliest age to allow himself to let his partner know of his passion in audible language and when the time came, nobody could doubt the feeling he was experiencing.
Mark’s hands were now both on the man’s thighs pushing them in to increase the pleasure from the penetration. Any fear of hurting the boy by penetrating him disappeared in Michael’s mind, the boy’s father had paved the way and the boy knew only love and comfort from the entrance of Michael into the center of his being. When Michael’s pubic hair brushed against Mark’s cheeks and nestled into his crack Mark knew he had received all the man could produce and squeezed his sphincter muscle tight around Michael’s shaft which reacted in spasms for the boy and the man. Mark was ready to draw the man’s seed from his eggs as he had been taught to do for so many years. Mark’s hand moved to cover Michael’s that was holding and slowly stroking the boy’s straining penis. Mark’s rhythm on Michael’s penis grew in intensity with every thrust of the boy’s hips. Each partner’s breathing told the other where they were in the throws of lovemaking, and Mark was taught to ensure simultaneous orgasm with his partner at all times. Mark expertly guided Michael to climax just as the child let go of his own feelings of exquisite ecstasy as his penis danced in the man’s hands.
Michael’s penis exploded in spasms inside the boy as wave after wave of semen raced through his urethra and left his body and entered into the boy. The touch of the hot nectar on the boy’s inner walls caused Mark to clutch at the man’s hand and stiffen his body almost straight out.
Towards the end of Michael’s release a thread of love still remained in his urethra and he could feel it being drawn forward through his penis by the pulsing of the boy’s rectum. The end of the thread was still leaving his egg and sliding past his prostate. The very end of the thread had a small lump that only the man’s urethra could detect, and Michael felt it travel closer and closer to the tip of his penis and then beyond into the boy’s body. Mark stopped his movements at the same time that the thread end left his penis, and Michael questioned in his own mind whether Mark felt receiving his final gift to the boy.
Both partners remained joined as their breathing came back down to almost normal levels. Mark’s body was wet with perspiration and Michael licked the boy’s salty neck as the boy pressed back against his chest. Michael then started to withdraw from the boy which brought an immediate reaction from Mark “Please, don’t leave me, I need to have you stay with me.” As the boy reached back over to Michael’s leg and held him into him. Michael said nothing; he ceased trying to withdraw from the boy and returned to fill him once again.
Michael then kissed the boy again on his neck and cupping the boy’s penis and scrotum in his hands slowly and gently kneading the boy’s eggs around in his fingers. Mark knew he was in an extremely vulnerable position, the man had hold of his sexual being and could crush them in an instant leaving him castrated. He fell asleep to feelings the man was producing in him secure in the knowledge that Michael was no man, he was Mark’s lover and Michael would never hurt him.
Michael had made love to hundreds of boys. All were very precious to him and he didn’t raise one above the other. But he was also human and some boys did stand out in his mind as superb love makers. Mark had to be counted into this group. The boy not only received love, he gave back as much as he received and he obviously enjoyed doing it. Michael listened to the sounds of the boy’s breathing and knew when he drifted off to sleep. With the child holding Michael’s penis in his body and Michael holding the boy’s in his hand, Michael fell off to sleep sucking on the boy’s neck.
At 3:00 the alarm once again rang to announce that it was time to change Conner’s diaper, and after doing that Michael went to reach for the light and looked down on Mark’s sleeping form. Michael loved the look of a boy’s body and almost without thought turned out the light and took the boy’s penis into his mouth. The boy had been flaccid moments before, but as he wrapped his tongue around the boy’s penis, Michael could feel it slowly return to life and glide towards the back of his throat. Mark would have wonderful dreams that night of being once again with his family and especially with his father. He also dreamed that he was going to the bathroom. Michael didn’t mind, he swallowed the boy’s water as fast as the boy could produce it and the bed stayed dry. There was nothing the boy could produce that Michael wouldn’t accept. Nothing.
Doc went back to Alex when the boys left for the dorm and through the afternoon and evening watched as Alex’s temperature dropped lower and lower. The antibiotics that were being pumped into the boy’s veins were doing their job combined with the alcohol and ice packs that were used to artificially drop the boy’s temperature to ward off convulsions. By 2:00 am Alex’s temperature dropped below 100 and he was fairly awake. Doc ordered the boy be put back into pajamas and underpants and Alex was fed beef broth through the night. By morning Alex had a temperature of 99 and Doc knew that the boy had made it through the crises. Out of curiosity, Doc asked Alex if he remembered being with Aaron or hearing him the night before, but Alex said that while he didn’t see or hear Aaron, he dreamed that he smelled his friend. It made him happy he told the Doctor. As a pediatrician, Doc knew about babies being able to recognize their mothers by smell, but he wasn’t aware that older children might be able to do the same. Did the smell of Aaron have anything to do with the boy’s recovery or was it all medicine? Doc wasn’t sure, but he wanted to look into the possibility when he had time.
For Alex’s part, he remembered being given a cavity search by the guard at Danamora, nothing after that. Doc was very happy to hear that and decided that the details of what had occurred be kept from the boy. He couldn’t keep the fact that the boy’s hearing in one ear was lost forever from him and decided that Michael and he would have a talk with him later on that day.
Alex was very confused by the entire goings on. The last thing he knew, he was in a dark dank dungeon with his ass being yanked open and now he was lying in a hospital with clean underwear and pajamas on. Alex hadn’t worn pajamas in almost half a year in jail! Where was he and where was his friend Aaron? Doc agreed to let him see Aaron and Conner after breakfast and if all turned out all right; he might be able to join them the next day. In the meantime it was time for Alex to eat solid food. Doc asked him what he wanted to eat for breakfast and Alex looked at him like he was a frog. “What would I like?” Alex thought to himself. Where the hell was he? Doc was a little amused by the boy’s reaction and told Alex he would see to it that he got some food that his stomach was ready to digest. 20 minutes later, Alex was staring at a mountain of scrambled eggs, toast and milk.
6:00 came for Michael and the boys in the dorm and once again, it was time to change Conner’s diaper. Michael stirred in bed and realized very quickly that Mark had presented him with another gift, a very wet ass. Michael smiled: he thought he solved that problem. Mark awoke and knew he wet, and started to tell Michael how sorry he was. Michael put his fingers to the boy’s lips and then rolled Mark on top of him. “I don’t care one single bit,” Michael said to Mark and gave him a kiss on the lips and hugged the boy intensely. Mark enjoyed the kiss and the hug, but didn’t want it to stop. He returned his lips to Michael and slipped his tongue into Michael’s mouth.
When Mark sat on his father’s lap during love making his father taught him to French kiss. Mark enjoyed the lessons very much. Michael never wanted the boy to leave his arms, nor did the boy. Michael’s penis was standing between the boy’s buttocks and Michael once again felt precum welling up and out of his penis. Mark also felt the precum as it fell from the tip of Michael’s penis to his anus in an unbroken ribbon. Mark giggled at the feeling. Face to face with Michael Mark got a curious look on his face. “Your breath smells like pee Michael,” said the boy. “That’s because you wet last night and I drank it,” Michael told the boy. Mark thought about it for a few seconds. “Wow”, “My grandfather used to drink our pee too!” the boy told Michael “Little boys pee is good,” Michael said “It comes from your penis, and anything that comes from your penis is good,” Mark smiled. At that point, Jimmy came into the room and saw the caretaker with the naked Mark lying on top of him. With a faint “sorry” he retreated back to his room.
Michael’s thoughts drifted to Jimmy as he lay there stroking Mark’s body with his hands as low as he could reach and then back up to the boy’s shoulders. Mark drifted halfway between sleep and wakefulness completely at ease with the man under him. He couldn’t have his father; but he had the next best thing.
Jimmy would see as the boys all around him inevitably submitted to their sexual wants, and Michael would make sure that Jimmy would eventually let go of his sexual inhibitions. Jimmy would be the last boy that Michael would engage from the current group and when it occurred, it would be Jimmy who would offer up his body to Michael because that was what he wanted to do, not because he was being forced to.
Michael’s thoughts were interrupted by movement on the bed. Conner was still somewhere between the twilight of sleep and wakefulness and was stirring. Michael looked over and smiled. Conner was one of those boys who awoke to orgasm. Maybe one in every 50 did this every morning.
The little boy was lying on his stomach and had both hands down his diaper. As he lay there plying his penis in his hands, his body was rocking back and forth very noticeably and his pelvis was moving his lower body up and down. Conner, even though he was asleep, was humping his bed. Mark felt the commotion, and turned his head around and watched the little boy for a few seconds. “Is he fucking?” Mark asked Michael. Michael smiled. “Let’s just say he’s getting off. Sort of like masturbating.” Mark studied the child while his penis flexed on Michael’s stomach. At that point Aaron came into the room and sat down on the end of the bed. “He did that in jail sometimes,” Aaron said watching Conner. “It usually got him into trouble because the bigger kids would then get into bed with him and fuck him.” Michael knew that what Aaron told him was true. “Those days are over. Just because you see another person masturbating, doesn’t mean you can involve yourself. It’s against the rules here. Nobody can interfere with you if you chose to jerk off; it’s your private business.” Aaron thought that was a good rule.
Conner continued for probably 5 minutes and his movement increased in intensity. He had sweat coming from his forehead before he arched his back and his feet and shoulders came up off the bed. With a grunt from deep within him, he climaxed in 4 or 5 spasms and then slowly fell back to his pillow. His eyes then slowly opened as his breathing started to fall back to normal level. He focused his eyes on Michael and Mark looking at him and slowly smiled like he just heard a funny story. Michael smiled back at him and said “Good morning little man.” Conner’s smile got a little bigger and his eyes closed once again. Michael looked back to Mark and their eyes met.
It was impossible for Michael not to kiss this boy.
Conner started to stir and Michael took Mark’s face in his hands and once again kissed the boy as he was accustomed to being kissed by his father. “Thank you,” he said to Mark in his ear “I love you very, very much.” Mark and Michael were one. The boy left for the shower knowing that the man who was taking care of him now loved and cared for him and would be there for him in the future. Mark was a happy boy once again.
Aaron watched as Michael and Mark kissed and when Mark got off the caretaker, Aaron readily saw both erections. Michael did nothing to hide his penis from Aaron. He wanted the boy to see it, and he wanted the boy to know that Mark was a willing partner. “You had sex with Mark last night, right?” Aaron said to the caretaker. “Yes Aaron, Mark and I made love to each other,” Michael told the boy. “Did you have pussy with Mark?” Aaron asked. Michael had heard the term “pussy” before. Many boys he knew used the term to describe anal sex. By calling it “pussy” rather than fucking, it mitigated the act for the boys concerning “being gay”. “Yes, Mark wanted me to enter him,” Michael told the boy. Aaron looked a little confused. He looked at the man’s penis. It was about 6 inches long and it was fatter than most poops he ever saw. How did Mark open up his bottom big enough to get that dick into him? “Didn’t it hurt Mark?” Aaron wanted to know. “That’s a question you’ll have to ask Mark, but I would not have entered him if it would hurt him,” Michael told the boy. Ask Mark? Aaron thought to himself. Ask another boy if he got fucked? And if he did, how did it feel? Aaron wasn’t too sure about that suggestion. The boy decided that he would just watch Mark and that would give him his answers.
___
Part Four
Conner’s 3 pound diaper came off and the little boy’s penis was red with the stimulation it had just experienced. Michael twanged the little boy’s stiff little rod and that sent Conner through the day’s first giggles. Michael grabbed him into his arms and told Aaron to get showered as the two of them left for the bath room. Michael still had a raging erection from Mark, and Aaron watched it as the man passed him. Conner still had sweat on his brow and Michael kissed the boy’s forehead. His lips got wet from the labor of Conner’s lovemaking to himself and Michael savored the salty taste. Conner gave Michael a hug when he got into his arms and planted a kiss on him that only a little boy is capable of.
Showers that morning were fairly painless for most of the boys, they were beginning to get used to the idea that boners abounded in the morning and everyone had their share. Even Jimmy wasn’t too unhappy, morning showers were done by the boy himself and nobody was touching Jimmy’s genitals but himself. Jimmy had forgotten, he didn’t have to take a shower if he didn’t want to, he didn’t wet. He forgot about that until almost the end of the shower. “Shit!” he said to himself when he remembered the rule.
Michael laid Conner down on the shower floor and washed his genitals and anus. Closer inspection of the boy’s anus told Michael that it was beginning to heal. It also showed the boy’s rectal tear was far from the only one the boy had experienced. Swelling had hidden most of the prior damage. Michael counted at least 4 tears that were healed. This child had been ripped
apart by adults time and time again. Michael didn’t understand how anyone who claimed to love boys could stoop to hurting them so carelessly. Michael knew it was completely unnecessary and avoidable.
Conner’s temperature was taken for the last time and came back normal. Michael applied the ointment to the boy’s anus and slipped in another suppository of Preparation H. Conner’s second giggle of the day followed and with a kiss on the boy’s tummy, Conner was ready for the day.
Michael called Aaron over and told him he wanted to check to see if he had cleaned himself well. He had the boy turn himself around, but his main focus was on the boy’s penis. Aaron would be circumcised this morning along with the 4 other new boys in the group. For the last time, Aaron’s foreskin was pulled down over his head. Aaron was unaware of the event that would soon take place and didn’t know the significance of the caretaker’s actions. Michael put some soap in his hand and washed the boy’s head. Then he pulled back the foreskin for the last time. Michael would have preferred the boy be left intact, but the choice wasn’t his to make.
Breakfast over, the boys were returned to the dorm and once again, Michael would return to check on Alex. Before he did, he called Mark into his room and had the boy sit down on his bed. Michael took out a box he had in the closet on the top shelf and brought it out. Opening it, he took out a few small gold rings and found one that fit Mark’s left hand pinky finger. He slipped it on the boys finger and made sure that it could not slide off. “This is yours,” he told the boy who was staring down at the ring. It shows my love for you to anyone who sees it.” Michael then kissed Mark. Mark gave Michael a huge hug and went flying back into the living room to show the other boys.
It was now time to go and see Alex. Michael knew from reports that Alex’s fever had broken and that the boy was eating. Aaron wanted to join him and once Conner found out about it, so did he. Michael decided all the boys of his group would visit with Alex and they headed out to the infirmary and the ward.
Alex had finished his breakfast as the boys came into the ward with Michael. Aaron jumped on the bed with his friend as Conner joined him. Aaron was dizzy with happiness. He wasn’t sure if his only friend was going to be dead or alive today and here he was sitting up. Alex still had the machine attached to his arm, but other than the bandage that was still around his head, Alex looked fine to him. A little pale, but fine. “What happened to your hair?” Alex first wanted know. “Mandatory!” came the low chorus from the group. “How come you guys are still naked?” Alex asked his friend. Again, a low chorus rang out. “Mandatory.” Alex knew what that meant, he dropped the subject. “You should see the food that we’re getting,” Aaron said to his friend. “This morning we had pancakes and sausage and even Danish,” Aaron told his friend. “Me too, said Alex “But I got scrambled eggs. We live in a dorm now, it’s really nice. We have a TV and a refrigerator and everything!” “Neat,” Alex said to his friend.
Conner got up on Alex’s bed and lifted up the sheets lying on top of the boy. He moved them down and felt Alex’s pajamas. Then he reached into the fly and touched the front of Alex’s underwear. “We have underwear too,” Conner said to Alex. “But we can only wear it in the dorm.” Conner looked over to Michael. “How come he can wear underwear, he’s not in the dorm?” “No, but he is in the hospital, and Doc’s rules say he can,” Michael told the little boy. Conner looked back at Alex’s pants that he was still feeling. Alex looked down at Conner’s diaper. “Why do you have that diaper on?” he wanted to know. “My butt was bleeding,” Conner told Alex with a smile on his face. That brought some laughter to the group and just about then, Doc walked in.
Doc was bone tired from being up all night with Alex, but the sound of the children’s laughter made him forget about that for awhile. “Good morning guys,” he said to the group as he approached. A chorus of “hellos” from the boys greeted the man and Conner scrambled to be lifted up to the man who had made his butt stop burning. “I haven’t heard of any problems in the rear end department, have you Michael?” “No Doc,” Michael reported. “Good, we dodged the bullet on that one this time around,” Doc said. He flipped Conner upside down and moved Conner diaper to one side. Conner was screeching with delight thinking the man was playing around. Doc wasn’t happy with what he saw. He looked up to Michael. “Fucking dumb!” he said to the caretaker. There was no disagreement. He handed Conner back to his caretaker with the boy still upside down and Conner screeched even louder. Then he tickled Conner’s stomach with the boy twisting around in Michael’s hands. It was wonderful to see the child so happy Doc thought to himself.
“And how is Alex this morning?” Doc asked as he turned to look at the boy sitting in the bed. “Fine Sir,” Alex said to the man who probably saved his life without Alex knowing anything about it. “Good, if everything stays on track, you can probably be moved into the dorm tomorrow afternoon.” Alex wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. He didn’t mind staying right where he was. “Michael we have some things to discuss in about an hour, and I want to set things up for 11:00 concerning today’s activities.” “Fine Doc,” Michael said and gathered the boys together for their return to the dorm.
“What’s this?” Doc said just before the group left. Doc took Mark’s hand and lifted it up towards his face. “It’s from Michael,” Mark said to the man beaming with pride. Doc put the boy’s hand back down and smiled at him. “Good boy,” Doc said to the boy and bent down and gave him a kiss on his cheek. Doc, like all the other trustees knew the significance of the ring.
Aaron was curious concerning the ring. Was it just a present from the caretaker for letting him fuck Mark, or did it have a deeper meaning? Up to that point in time, he didn’t see anyone else with any ring on but he wasn’t looking for one either. He decided he would be looking.
Michael returned the boys to the dorm and underpants went flying out of the drawer once again. Michael had a meeting with Doc to keep, but he also had to prepare Aaron. As the head of the team, Michael gathered all five of the boys who were about to be circumcised into his room. With the boys all sitting on the floor Michael came into the room with 5 boys in jump suits. Each of the boys had some pictures in their hands. Aaron also noticed that every one of the boys also had a small gold ring on the pinky finger, left hand.
Michael introduced each boy to his group and as he did, the jump suit boy handed his pictures to one of the boys sitting down. Aaron took his pictures from the boy who gave him his and looked at them. They were pictures of the boy standing in front of him. The boy was naked in the pictures. Michael began: “The pictures you have were taken before these boys were circumcised. As you can see, they all once looked like you do now,” he said to the boys who were looking at the pictures. Aaron heard the term “circumcised” before, he knew it meant getting your dick cut down. He looked at the pictures again. Yes, they looked exactly like he did. So what? Aaron thought to himself. Michael then told the jumpsuit boys to take off their suits.
One by one, each boy got naked and stood before the boy who had his pictures. Aaron’s blood pressure began to rise a bit. He looked at the boy standing in front of him, and then over to the other boys standing there. They were all now very neatly trimmed. “These boys are here to not only show you, but to answer any questions you may have about being circumcised.”
Aaron felt some water build up in his eyes. “Why would we have any questions?” he asked Michael. He was sure he didn’t want to know the answer. “Circumcision is mandatory for all boys. Even Gramps and Coach had to be circumcised when they first came here Aaron. This morning all of you will be circumcised by Doc.” Aaron looked down to the floor and watched as the droplets left his eyes and hit the rug. They were going to cut off his dick.
“What will happen will cause you no more pain than feeling a few needle sticks. Your penis will be numb and you will not feel anything down there during the operation,” Michael went on. “If this were something that was going to be very painful, these boys wouldn’t be here to tell you about what happened to them. Do they look unhappy?” Aaron didn’t really care about what the other boys had to say, he didn’t like the idea of getting his dick cut off he thought to himself. “But why?” Aaron asked Michael with tears streaming down his cheeks. Michael’s heart broke for the boy, but there was no way around it. He reached over and picked Aaron up with the boy sobbing on his chest. “I’m sorry Aaron but its mandatory. There’s nothing I can do. I will be there with you and so will all your caretakers,” he said to the other boys who were about as happy as Aaron.
Five gurneys were set up in the infirmary when Michael and the other caretakers came in with the boys. Doc was there with his assistants and they were ready to operate. Each boy’s genital area was washed and the boy was put on the gurney. Straps were attached to each boy’s legs, arms, chest and forehead, and they were ready to begin. “You will feel a small needle prick or 2, and that will numb the area,” Michael said to the sobbing boys. “As soon as there’s no feeling in your penis, Doc will complete the operation and it will be over.” Michael and the other caretakers leaned over their charges and would be there to comfort them when the cut was made. When it did occur, Michael was happy that Aaron had straps on.
Doc had performed thousands of circumcisions in his career, but the greater majority of them were on infants. Now he was performing the operation strictly on boys ages 8 through 15. Babies don’t put up much of a fuss before they are cut, older boys certainly did. Still, Doc wanted to make the procedure as painless as possible with the least amount of stress on the boy.
While babies are not usually anesthetized during the operation, you couldn’t possible do the operation on a young boy unless he was. Doc gave each boy a ring block to lesson any pain. Then the boy was circumcised and fitted with a Hollister Plastibell and sutured. The boys were back in the dorm and in their caretakers bed one hour after it was started.
Aaron was an extremely unhappy camper. He was put into a diaper when he left the infirmary, but he wanted to see what they had done to him. His penis throbbed with a dull ache, but nothing compared to how it felt when Doc put the scalpel to his foreskin. Aaron didn’t give a shit what anybody said, getting your dick cut off hurt and he knew it. He pulled down the sheet that lay over his lower body and pulled open the tab of the diaper on one side and moved the diaper out of the way. His penis to him looked red and raw and had a cap like ring attached to his head with stitches holding it on. He touched it with his finger and deeply regretted it immediately. He had seen this ring on some of the other boys in the mess hall, but didn’t know why it was there. Now he did. He put his hands up to his face and lost it.
Michael came in the room with a drink that Doc had prepared for each boy. They would all be asleep in less than 20 minutes. After drinking the malted Michael put back Aaron’s diaper, and Aaron was told that the ring would fall off all by itself in about a week to 10 days. The operation was over, and there were no other ones that Aaron needed to worry about. Aaron fell asleep with Michael stroking the boy’s cheek. Aaron was very happy his day was over.
While Michael and the other caretakers were in the infirmary with Aaron and the other boys, The rest of the boys met their new teacher, Mr. Bill. For the next 90 days he would be in charge of the boy’s academic education and like every other trustee, he was also an inmate. Mr. Bill was an excellent teacher who very much loved his pupils which also landed him in prison.
MR. BILL’S STORY
For 8 years he taught 4th and 5th grade children and on more than a few over night trips, had taken many of the boys to his heart and his bed. Like most, he hated being what he was, but he was a boylover through and through. On a camping trip in the Adirondacks, a maid came into the resort room the group was staying at and Mr. Bill was found making one of his boys extremely happy by giving him oral. Mr. Bill found himself in prison with a longer sentence than inmates who had killed people. He was now a member of The Program because he met its chief requirement: no violence. Mr. Bill was as meek as a lamb; he just liked to suck on little boys dicks. Hey! We all have our little quirks!
___
After introductions, Mr. Bill took the boys to the recreation area. None of the boys had seen it before, and it was as big a surprise to them as the new food they were now getting. The rec room has an Olympic sized swimming pool and is surrounded by pool tables, ping pong tables, and gym equipment. The new boys were not alone, the gym and pool had dozens of other boys in it, and strewn all around were jump suits and shorts. None of the boys who were there were clothed, they had stripped off their clothes and left them where they dropped.
“Go play!” Mr. Bill said and sat down at a bench along the side of the gym. It took moments for most of the new boys to be in the pool. As was his usual practice, Conner attached himself to the nearest friendliest adult around, and stood by Mr. Bill staring at him. Aaron and Alex were gone temporarily, and they were the only 2 boys Conner really knew in the group. The boy was gun shy around older boys, and there were a lot of them in the pool. He decided he would play it safe.
“Don’t you want to go play with your friends?” Mr. Bill said to the boy standing there staring at him. Conner shook his head no. Mr. Bill knew boys inside out. He reached out his open hands and Conner climbed into his lap. Settling in, Conner took Mr. Bill’s hands and put them onto his lap covering his groin. This was allowed, the boy had initiated the move and Mr. Bill wasn’t too unhappy about it. His penis rose. “Why do you have the diaper on?” the teacher asked the little boy. “My butt was bleeding,” Conner said to the man as the boy turned his head to look at the teacher. Mr. Bill knew immediately that he was dealing with an anal tear boy. “That must have hurt,” the teacher replied. “Yes, but Doc fixed it and now it’s getting better. I don’t feel it anymore,” Conner told the teacher.
As anyone around Conner would very quickly learn, he had the tact of a four year old. When he had a question or comment, you knew exactly what he had in mind. Mr. Bill was now around Conner. “I’m here because I fuck,” the little boy said. “Is that why you’re here too?” It wasn’t the first time the teacher met such openness, but it always took him aback a little. “Well, I guess you could say that, but we’ll start discussing that once we get into class, this is a rec period.” “Isn’t that why your dick is getting hard?” Conner asked. “I can feel it under me.” The teacher got a little hot in the face for the first time in years, but he wanted to try to steer the boy in another direction if he could. He still didn’t know anything about the boy and he had no ring on. This was an unknown child to him, and until he read the boy’s file tomorrow, he didn’t know what he was dealing with. “I’m erect because you are a very beautiful little boy and you’re sitting on my penis,” he said to the boy. Conner giggled. “Do you want to see my dickie?” Conner asked him. Getting adults stiff wasn’t new to him, all he had to do was drop his pants and he was looking at huge boners all the time. “You can show it to me in class if you want to,” Mr. Bill said. “OK,” replied Conner.
Mark came over to Conner dripping wet and asked the boy if he wanted to go swimming with him. Conner thought for about 2 seconds and slid off the teacher’s lap and climbed into Mark’s arms. Mr. Bill smiled as the boy waddled off to the pool with Conner attached to his side but not before he noticed Mark’s ring. He shook his head. Dear, dear Michael he thought to himself.
Mr. Bill needed a personal break, if he didn’t go jerk off he was going to explode he thought to himself and left for the toilets. Mr. Bill wasn’t alone at the toilets, several of the jump suits were already there relieving themselves of their tension over the sight of the new boys and the urinals were kept fairly busy throughout the morning.
The boys were returned to the dorm just before lunch and Michael asked Mr. Bill to watch the sleeping Aaron and the other 4 boys in the unit, while he took the boys to the mess hall. “What’s wrong with the boys?” Mr. Bill asked. “Bris,” said Michael. “Shame,” replied Mr. Bill. He and Michael were in accord as regards foreskins on little boys. Mr. Bill turned on the TV and sat down to monitor the boys he knew would be dead to the world for the remainder of the day. When Doc made a milkshake: say goodnight.
Doc held a meeting with the Officer of the Day whenever necessary. He wanted a meeting to discuss a wide range of subjects, including the increased incidents of rectal tears. It seemed that there were many more of them lately and they were dangerous because of the risk on sepsis that could easily be deadly for the boys. “Doc, you know as well as I do that these things spike every fucking time a new batch of scumbag recruits come out of the Academy. There isn’t much we can do about it without taking the risk of the whole fucking program going up in smoke. The OD told him. “Most of that bullshit is coming from Downstate, those fucking assholes are yahoos right out of the Academy! They all think they’re mother fucking J. Edger Hoover!”
Doc knew that it was true; if there was a complaint, Albany would start an investigation that could go off in a thousand directions. He also knew that every time a spike in rectal tears occurred, it signaled that a new graduating class from the Departments training facility on New Scotland Ave. had arrived at Downstate.
“What about Danamora?” Doc asked the O.D. “We did look into that,” the O.D. said. “The guard was pissed off because someone stole his battery out of the parking lot.” “A 9 year old boy got his anus ripped open and another boy is deaf for the rest of his life because someone stole someone’s battery?” Doc asked the O.D. “Hey Doc, shit happens!” said the guard. If there was a point to the meeting, Doc didn’t know what it was. Doc gave the O.D. a report on the boy who needed his appendix out and on the five boys who had to be circumcised and decided to call it a day. He needed a positive note to end his day with and went back to the ward and had a game of “War” with Alex.
ALEX’S STORY
Up until the age of 7, Alex had a fairly normal boyhood other than the fact that his mother and father fought like cats and dogs, usually over money. At age 7, his mother divorced his father who loved Alex and his younger brother and sister. The divorce was a messy one because Alex’s father wanted custody of the children. When his mother’s attorney told her she just might lose custody, it got a whole lot messier. She charged the dad with sexually abusing them all.
The children were taken to Social Services on South Pearl St. and “interviewed”. Nothing had ever happened, and the children so reported. To Social Services, if the child admitted to the abuse, it was proof positive that the acts had occurred. If the children denied the abuse, they were obviously lying due either to pressure from the father, or were too afraid to admit their guilt. Dad was obviously a sex pervert who fucked his kids, and there was no way he could gain their custody. Dad was forbidden to ever see his children again.
8 months later mommy’s boyfriend moved in. Boyfriend loved Alex’s little brother. Literally. Boyfriend hated Alex. Brother got fucked, Alex took beatings for the next 5 years. During those years Alex’s mother worked nights and boyfriend worked days. This left nights available for boyfriend and little brother to romp away. Boyfriend didn’t bother to hide his activities; Alex was usually sitting on the couch next to him while boyfriend played on his little brother’s flute.
One spring afternoon, the upstairs neighbor lady asked 12 year old Alex to watch her twin sons while she went out to the store. Alex babysat the five year olds before, and agreed to do it. Mommy had left the boys in the tub to play around the water and told Alex to keep an eye on them. The twins were very cute and very precocious. When Alex walked into the bathroom, they were having a sword fight with their little twinkies. The play escalated and ended up with the twins on their backs on their bed and Alex sucking them clean. It was something he had seen his little brother do so many times before for boyfriend. Mommy came home and hearing the giggles from the twins came upstairs and freaked. An hour later 2 policemen were putting Alex into the back of the police car in handcuffs.
Social Services weren’t at all surprised by Alex’s acts, after all, daddy showed him the way and they were vindicated. Social Services wanted Alex to admit his prior sexual molestation by his dad, but Alex very stupidly told the truth instead. This infuriated the Department: this child was obviously beyond salvation! Alex was removed from the home, and remanded to the custody of the State until he was 18 years old. Mommy kissed his ass goodbye; forever.
___
By mid afternoon Doc heard a commotion in the infirmary and heard some very familiar voices coming closer and closer. The doors to the ward opened and in walked Doc’s ward with the child’s nanny. The ward’s name was Patty, the nanny’s name was Kellie. Doc was thrilled to see them both as the child ran to him and jumped up into Doc’s arms. Alex wondered who the little girl was. Doc very obviously loved the child, they were smothering each other with hugs and kisses. Alex’s attention was then drawn to Kellie. Alex knew that Kellie was a man, but like no other man he ever saw before. Kellie was as swish as anyone could possibly get. He never stopped talking, and most of what he was saying wasn’t worth hearing; at least not to Alex. Patty and Kellie had been on a shopping trip to New York City and bags and bags of clothing were being brought in by the trustees. Alex’s curiosity grew. Shopping trip? A girl in a prison for boys? A nanny who was gay?
As Alex and the rest of the boys would learn over the coming days, Patty and Kellie lived in Doc’s apartment there in prison with him. Kellie was Patty’s nanny and took care of the child. Kellie was not a trustee; he was a free man and could walk out of prison if he wanted to. He didn’t want to. Kellie was a homosexual; he was not a child lover. Kellie did not engage Patty sexually. Patty had lived with Doc now for two years. She was 8 when she first came. Patty’s name was Patrick when he was born.
PATTY’S STORY
Patty was born in San Diego to a woman who wanted a girl child. When Patty was born, his genitalia was ignored by her and the baby was raised from birth as a girl. At age 2, Patty was taken by his mother to Tijuana. Patty’s mother wanted the genitals removed from the child, they were unnecessary. The Doctor refused to cut off the child’s penis, but did agree to remove the child’s testicles. He made two incisions under the scrotum of the child as his mother held the babies legs up on her lap as the Doctor withdrew the testicles from his scrotum and severed the Vas deferens which was attached to each testicle and laid them on a tray. After the child was stitched up she took the child and the tray and went to the bathroom and flushed the testicles down the toilet. The child returned to San Diego a eunuch. The mother would have the child’s penis removed as soon as she could find a surgeon to do it.
Patty’s mother died of cancer when Patty was 3 years old and at the mother’s request, Patty was raised by her uncle who was homosexual. The mother agreed to allow her brother to raise the child on the condition he continue to raise her as a girl. The uncle followed his sister’s wishes and moved to New York to raise the girl. 3 years later, her uncle came down with AIDS and died when Patty was 7. The child had no other living relatives, and the Courts decided the child needed very special care, because they had a little girl on their hands that had plumbing that didn’t work or match. The child was entered into Rome State under the care of the Department of Mental Hygiene. They figured the child was either retarded or nuts, maybe both.
A nurse at Rome State also had a husband who was a guard at Elmira. He was also in The Program. Keeping Doc happy was crucial to The Program and the guard had the child’s custody transferred to him and Patty disappeared from the State’s roles. She was neither in the Department of Corrections, nor was she in the Department of Mental Hygiene’s database.
She ceased to exist according to The State of New York. It was extremely easy to do before the age of computers, only slightly more difficult thereafter.
The little girl was given to Doc to raise and an apartment was set up to house the little girl. Doc’s schedule was a very busy one, and having the little girl following him around all day was out of the question. Patty was not enrolled in The Program and she couldn’t sit around all day by herself either. Doc needed a nanny for the child. Kellie fit Doc’s criteria to a tee: the nanny had to be extremely discrete: he would obviously know what The Program was about. He had to be compatible and sympathetic to Patty’s gender switch. He had to be trustworthy concerning any sexual interaction with the child. He wasn’t there to fuck her, he was there to care for her. He had to be extremely intelligent: Kellie was a teacher. Doc’s choice was a perfect match for Patty. Kellie was the little girl’s mother, Doc was her father. Patty thrived with Doc, she even got to play with her “little pink thing” when she slept with her father.
___
Sitting in his hospital bed, Alex watched all of the commotion with great interest. Bags of clothing were being spilled all over the bed and floor and Patty was modeling it for her father. Alex couldn’t imagine what all this stuff cost, but he wasn’t looking at stuff from Sears and Roebuck. Dresses and coats and hats were strewn all about.
Alex studied the little girl. She had long black hair that was tied back in a blue ribbon and fell to halfway down her back. Black shoes with white leotards on and a very pretty little blue dress that matched the ribbon. Alex thought that she didn’t look as pretty as his sister, but Alex didn’t think many girls did. Patty was particularly fond of one of the dresses she brought and reached down and had her dress over her head and on the floor before anybody realized she was taking it off. Standing there now waiting for Kellie to get the tags off so she could model it for her father, was a little girl in leotards and under the leotards, a yellow pair of underwear with frills on the backside. She also had a bulge that was unmistakable boy. She didn’t have the biggest dink on a 10 year old boy that Alex ever saw before, but it was there. Alex was floored. Was he seeing things? Was it really a vagina? If it was, her vagina had a penis coming out from the center of it. He didn’t see any balls, but there was definitely a dick sitting in those pants as small as it was!
Patty put on her dress and whirled around for her father. Then she climbed back to his arms and wrapped her arms around Doc’s neck. Doc told Kellie to gather together all the clothing and meet them back at the apartment. “Alex, I’ll be back to check on you later, I need to take my daughter back to the room,” the man said. “Patty, this little boy’s name is Alex.” The little girl looked over to Alex and smiled to him. “Hello,” she said. Alex waved with a faint “Hi”.
Doc left, and in a whirlwind, Kellie gathered the little girls clothing up and never stopped chattering once. “Hi Nathan” he said to the boy who had his appendix out. “Hi Kellie,” the boy said back and Kellie was out the door. Alex tried to figure out what he just witnessed. To him, it was like he was just at the tea party in “Alice in Wonderland”, was he going nuts?
Nathan next door saw the look on Alex’s face and giggled. “You’ll get used to it,” the boy told Alex. “You won’t see her often, but she’s always here.” “But wasn’t that a boy?” Alex asked him. “Not as far as anyone here is concerned, and not as far as you’re concerned either. Nobody ever speaks about Patty being a boy, especially in front of her. Doc would go off if you did that.” Alex didn’t understand, but he knew very well what “go off” meant. “Just do what everybody else does,” Nathan continued: “Patty’s a girl and that’s the end of it.” “Thanks,” said Alex.
Nathan looked over to Alex, “What happened to you?” he asked. “I don’t know, I can’t remember,” the boy told Nathan. “Doc says you’re deaf, how can you hear me if you’re deaf?” he asked Alex. “Deaf? I’m not deaf!” he told the boy lying next to him. “You mean you can hear out of the ear that’s bandaged?” Nathan asked. Alex touched the bandage. He didn’t hear any sound coming from the gauze he was touching. He snapped his fingers next to his ear. Again, he heard nothing. He patted his ear with his hand. He felt it, but heard nothing coming from that ear. Maybe the bandage was so big that he couldn’t hear out of it yet he thought to himself. Nobody said anything to him about being deaf!
Alex started to panic and his breathing got heavier. His eyes started to fill up and now Nathan was going into a panic. This could get him into trouble with Doc. “Please don’t tell them I told you anything!” Nathan said to Alex as Alex was calling out for Doc and with each call, he was getting louder. An assistant came in to find out what the commotion was about. By this time Alex was tearing away at his bandaged ear and gauze was all over the bed. “I can’t hear! I can’t hear! I can’t hear!” Alex screamed over and over as the assistant got to his bed and took the boy’s hands in his. The assistant called for one of the other orderlies to go get Doc and tried to comfort the boy who was now practically in hysterics.
In less than a minute Doc was back on the ward and back at Alex’s bedside. It was obvious the boy found out he was deaf, he needed Michael there immediately. “Get Michael here Stat!” he told his crew and cradled the sobbing boy in his lap. Alex’s ear was once again bleeding from the boy hitting and scratching at it to bring back his hearing. “Shit!” Doc said aloud. Nathan closed his eyes and buried himself in his pillow. Doc never cursed in front of the boys unless he was really pissed off. The boy was sure he was in very deep shit.
When Alex scratched at his ear, he pulled out a shunt that Doc had implanted to drain the blood from within the boy’s ear and that shunt now needed to be replaced. He didn’t need to say anything to his assistants: they all saw what happened and were coming back in with new instruments. As Doc was shooting the area around Alex’s ear with Lidocain, Michael came back through the door. “The shit hit the fan Michael; the boy knows he’s deaf!” Doc said to Michael as the caretaker sat down on the boy’s bed. “This should have been done this morning. If I wasn’t in that meeting, we wouldn’t be here.” Michael said nothing; his main concern was the boy.
45 minutes later, Alex was asleep thanks to one of Doc’s malteds and his ear was back in bandages. Alex would be asleep until morning, and both Doc and Michael would be there when he awoke. “This is going to set him back Michael, he won’t be leaving for at least another 2 days at the earliest.” Michael shook his head at Doc’s information and didn’t really respond to it. “I’ll see you at 7 Doc,” Michael said and went back to the dorm.
Leaving the ward, Doc passed by Nathan’s bed and looked down at the boy lying on his stomach with his face still buried in the pillow. Doc was by far a stupid man. If the boy had nothing to do with Alex’s realizing he was deaf, he would have been completely interested in the goings on right next to his own bed. Nathan was distancing himself, and Doc pretty much figured out why. The day before, he took out the boy’s appendix. Nathan was a known quantity to Doc, the boy was a resident of The Program for two years and lived at Elmira and Doc knew him to be a really fine kid. Doc sat down on the side of his bed and stroked the boy’s hair. Nathan shuddered then began sobbing into his pillow.
“I would have preferred to tell the boy myself,” Doc said to the boy. “But I’m sure you didn’t say anything to hurt him purposely Nathan. If I thought that, I’d report you to the guards myself,” Doc said to the boy quietly. “I thought he knew until it was too late!” the boy sobbed almost incoherently. Doc turned the boy around and pulled him into his chest. “It’s OK Nathan, it’s OK,” he reassured the boy. Doc rocked the boy in his arms until his crying subsided. He then handed off Nathan to an assistant who took his place and returned to his apartment. It was a very long day for Doc and Patty was back to make everything OK again.
Doc returned to the apartment with Patty and Kellie cutting off labels and taking clothes off the hangers. The two were in a bit of a spate because Patty wanted to hang the clothes back up in the closet and put them away into the drawers and Kellie wanted to wash them first. “Why wash brand new clothes?” Patty wanted to know. “Those clothes are all full of nasty chemicals,” Kellie countered. Doc sat down and watched the two of them. Kellie was a mother hen. He cooked like a gourmet, he cleaned like a German, and he fawned over Patty like she was his own. Doc loved them both, but he slept only with Patty.
“What’s for dinner?” Doc wanted to know. Patty beamed. “Kellie is making us Chateau Briand tonight Daddy!” Patty said as the little girl hopped into his lap. The food would be spectacular tonight Doc knew, but having Patty back was even more special. His hands reached around her back and unbuttoned the dress she had modeled for him in the ward as the little girl laid on his chest. He lifted her forward and picked the dress up over her arms that she now held over her head. Lying back down on her father’s chest, he pulled off her leotards and yellow panties. Doc untied the ribbon in her hair and let it flow out across her back down to her waist. He reached in back of his little girl and parting her hair in the middle, he brought each half around to the front of her chest and it draped over her shoulders down to his lap. She snuggled into his chest and wrapped her arms around her father in an embrace known only between parent and child. Doc laid his head back in the recliner and rocked softly as he stroked his little girl’s hair and felt the warmth of her body all the way down to the bottom of her buttocks. Doc was happy, his little girl was back and Doc would not have to sleep another night all alone. |
Title: 88E469SD Ward of the State_(1)
Tags: Fantasm, Boy, Cock & ball torture, Cruelty, Extreme, Gay, Horror, Male Domination, Rape, Torture
Introduction:
The following story was NOT written by me, it was written by Howdy Doody from Johnie's Stories and Poems website, in the Archives section ( http://www.xs4all.nl/~johnie/stories/stories.html )
Content:
I have posted this story here on XNXX.com so more people could read it, if you read it somewhere else, then I hope you enjoyed it, if not, then read on. All credits go to Howdy Doody.
88E469SD
WARD OF THE STATE
By HOWDY DOODY
DISCLAIMER:
This story is not true. There is no New York State. There is no Department of Correctional Services and they do not have prisons. There is no Judge John Cline and he never sat on the bench in Albany County New York. There is no Albany County Jail and no child has ever been sexually abused while incarcerated there. There is no Albany Home for Children. There is no Danamora, Elmira, Auburn, Mount McGregor, or Phasalia. There are no children incarcerated in New York State, and they have never been sold for sexual purposes while incarcerated. There are no Correctional Officers in New York State, and they do not commit crimes of any kind. Donna Payant was never a Corrections Officer for the State of New York, she was not killed in prison and every single guard who testified at the trial of her accused murderer was not given immunity from prosecution by the State of New York before they agreed to testify under oath.
This story was not produced by any one person; it is a compilation of the memories of five of the characters in this story.
"This story is dedicated to Doc and Patty. You will be with us in our hearts always."
- Michael
THE PROGRAM
There are many programs in New York State. This story is but one of them. The Program as it’s currently operated was developed in the early 1970s by a group of employees to supplement their very meager State salaries. It eventually not only supplemented it, it made them very, very rich.
The employees were aware of the fact that there was a very high demand for young boys among some very high profile clients who had an extreme penchant for anonymity. (They didn’t want anybody to know they liked to fuck the shit out of little boys). The clients were judges, doctors, lawyers, congressmen, assemblymen, Saudis and senators. I’m sure you can understand their desire for obscurity.
Very little is more obscure in New York State than either prisons or mental institutions, and there we have our ready made product: little boys who either fucked, or could be trained to fuck. Most little boys who fucked were under the control of the Department of Corrections. Most little boys who could be trained to fuck were under the control of the Department of Mental Hygiene.
The Program got its kick-off boost when a boob of an “investigative reporter” did an expose' on a swamp called Willowbrook in New York City. The governor of New York State was so appalled at what he saw on TV that he decided to take corrective action to stop the abuse of the mental patients in the story. He took the State of New York out of the business and closed all the mental hospitals and dumped the patients out into the streets. The patients were no longer being abused; they sat in McDonald’s all day in major cities around the State.
When the hospitals closed so did the guards’ jobs. How does someone make money when all they have is an eighth grade education? Simple: you gather up little boys between the ages of 6 and 14 and teach them to lay on their stomachs. The boys had no identity, if they did, the State would have to take care of them. They had no home; the State was turning the hospitals into jails. They had no objections; you need a mind to object.
There were two kinds of boys known to the guards. There were Full Blown Beans, and there were Half Baked Beans. The full blown beans were useless to the guards, they drooled too much or they never stopped waving their hands in front of their face. But Half Baked Beans: they were the pot of gold.
The Program was so successful that it caught the attention of the prison guards and since they had a tenth grade education, they figured out even faster than their counterparts in Mental Hygiene how to get on the gravy train.
Getting the beans to cooperate wasn’t a problem, feed them, cloth them and give them a bed in a trailer with 15 other kids. Getting the prison rats to cooperate wasn’t all that difficult either. The guards had the carrot that unbuttoned their pants: time.
The prison rats usually came from upstate New York. They were almost always white, a very few were Hispanic. There was no demand among the clients for little sambos, so that didn’t matter much to the guards. Upstate New York fed the program because in New York City, a kid would get 30 days for killing or raping. Upstate, a kid would go to jail for years for trashing a school bus, stealing some candy, fucking his friends, little stuff.
To run The Program, the guards needed a place to keep the kids. They had more rooms than Howard Johnson and they had the keys.
They needed people to train the kids. They had slaves. They didn’t call them slaves, Jesse Jackson would object. They called them “trustees”. The guards needed very special trustees. The job required that the trustees train the kids to fuck. Who better to do the job than low life mother fucking scumbags who fucked kids for free? Getting the perverts to cooperate wasn’t hard: they could have their cake and eat it too.
From the trustees’ standpoint, it was a no brainer. The other inmates weren’t generally a problem: the problems almost always came from the guards. If they were in The Program, they ate well, they lived comfortably, they loved their jobs, and they loved the boys. Most were in for a minimum of 10 years and spent 3 to 4 times longer in prison than the average murderer. Most knew they would never get out, and wouldn’t bother to if they could.
They needed a place to entertain the clients in privacy. A prison is a very private place and if you wanted comfort, they had these cute little trailers in each prison that were used for “conjugal visits” for the inmates. No inmate ever stepped foot in those trailers, but there was never a vacancy! They also had the keys to friendly little bungalows tucked away in remote little corners of the State. These bungalows were only available to residents of the State of New York and you could camp there if you had a reservation. The list is something like 25 years long, so if you start packing now, you’ll be fully prepared for your vacation in the Adirondacks when your name comes up.
They needed clients. They weren’t hard to find, some of them even came to their attention when they walked out of porn theaters on Central Avenue in Albany and had their portraits taken by the local media. Naturally, they were there to do “research”!
They needed money to run The Program. They had the deepest pockets in the world. It’s called the State of New York. All they needed to do was “divert” the money from the programs from the other inmate scumbags. Like food money, housing money, commissary money, clothing money, medical money.
They needed stealth. Did you know that when you drive past two prisons that are side by side off Interstate 84 that there are over 40,000 men and boys in those buildings? Ever see ONE? The B-2 Bomber has nothing on the New York State Department of Correctional Services when it comes to stealth!
Lastly, they needed little boys who would fuck on demand. Those kinds of boys didn’t grow on trees and the guards needed guidance. They received it from the court, “SD” was attached to the files of any little boy who was caught on his knees or on his stomach. It took the guards a few months to crack the code, but they eventually learned that “SD” stood for “sexual deviant.”
Why would the boys cooperate in The Program? TIME! If they were good little boys and made the guards very rich, they were paroled, given time off for “good behavior” or pardoned by the Governor. Pardons aren’t easy to come by. They’re made a lot easier if the very influential person doing the requesting in the Governor’s ear is also the boy’s most frequent patron.
If the boys were to serve their full sentences, most would rot in prison for a minimum of 5 years. Some faced 10 or more, depending upon their age. Even by conservative estimates, a young boy in prison in the United States is 10 times more likely to be sexually assaulted than an adult. This figure doesn’t depress the Corrections Departments or the courts, to the contrary, they openly brag to the children standing before them that when they hit prison “You’re going to get your ass fucked off!” If they were cooperative in The Program, they were out in two years and had a bank account to keep them company. What would you do?
The guards didn’t give the boys severance because they were kind and benevolent; most boys were 12 to 14 when they entered The Program. The clients didn’t like to go higher than age 15 on their boys; that would make them fags or queers. These were very respected people in the community. Turnover required new blood and for the older boys to go away quietly and money made that happen.
Not everybody in the prison system was involved in The Program. Most had their own scams like going out chopping wood on State land and selling the wood. Or clearing land for contractors with your crew of 40 men who worked for their evening feed. Since there were a few people who didn’t have an independent source of income, the guards in The Program needed to be able to operate without some secretary in Albany trying to figure out why certain prisons needed 3 times the trustee population of “normal” prisons. Or why medical costs were so much higher, or why transportation costs were so much higher. Questions from Albany were avoided at all costs.
Anybody who has ever dealt with the State of New York knows that the place would collapse in a molten heap if it weren’t supported by its most important foundation: paper. If a piece of paper in Albany said that 50 trustees were in Elmira, 50 trustees were in Phasalia and 50 trustees were in Mount McGregor, then god damned mother fucker, that’s where they were! If a piece of paper in Albany said that 50 boys were in Elmira, 50 boys were in Rome State and 100 boys were in “Wilderness Training” guess what? Most of the guards couldn’t read or write, but some could type and luckily, when computers came along the keyboard looked just like a typewriter did.
Some dates, names, and particularly inmate numbers have been changed to protect the identities of the children involved, but it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist very long to figure out very fast that these children existed and this is what the State did while they were in “The Care and Custody of The State of New York.”
Since the departure of the boys in this story, The Program has moved its base of operation 2 times but the cash is still rolling in. The Program is made possible only with the able assistance of our Courts, Judges, Prosecutors and Social Services Departments who supply the necessary product.
For example: Mommy goes out shopping one day leaving her 8 year old son with his 13 year old baby sitter. Mommy comes home and son is fucking the babysitter. Mommy calls the cops. Who is charged by the DA with fucking a girl under the age of 14? The Program’s new product. Only in America!
Now that you know what The Program is the story begins. It would be wonderful if all the words that follow were full of love and sex and little boys romping around naked happy and cheerful. The Program isn’t Disneyworld. The trustees and the boys involved pay a very heavy price for being who they are and who they love. We all do. Please remember: no means no. That will keep the little ones away from these assholes.
Part 1
As with every other morning for the past four months, Aaron awoke to the sound of the jet taking off from the Albany County Airport that sat next to the jail and wondered where it would take the people who were sitting in those seats. It was 6:00 A.M. and he wanted to be any one of those people on that plane, even if the plane crashed into the ground, especially if it crashed into the ground. Aaron thought it would be nice to crash into the ground, if he did, his nightmare would be over.
As soon as the lights went on, the clanking of the chains began. The Albany County Jail was a pretty modern facility, but the method of opening and closing the cell doors was always kept constant. They were controlled by a system of pulleys and chains that dragged their way though the tunnels over each cell, and with each movement, every prisoner could hear the dragging of the chains. It was draconian and the sheriff liked it that way. It always took 10 or 15 minutes before any of the cell doors opened and the boys always had ample time to study the sounds of the chains dragging themselves through the system. That system is in use today (2005) if you’d like to hear it, visit the jail on Albany Shaker Road.
When the doors finally did open Aaron stepped out from his cell and stood there until the CO (corrections officer) told him to turn and march to feeding. Prisoners in New York State do not have breakfast, lunch, dinner, or meals, they have feeding. Breakfast, lunch, dinner or meals, had the implication that they were giving people food. As any corrections officer will gleefully tell you, prisoners are not people, they are animals. You feed animals.
After 4 months of being there, Aaron was used to the routine of the march to feeding, he would go through 3 cell blocks of prisoners, past rows and rows of men standing at the front of their cells looking at the boys as they passed through.
Aaron knew that there were two ways to feeding; you could either go directly down the staircase to the first floor, or, you could wind your way through the entire 3 story cell block house one tier at a time. The winding method was preferred by the guards, it gave the boys maximum exposure to humiliation and degradation. Most of the prisoners were silent when the boys passed by but none of them looked away. Some made a few very low comments while others stood there in their boxers waving their dicks at the boys or jerking off. Whenever that happened, the line was always slowed down by the guards. The guards were simply showing off the “fresh meat”.
Just before Aaron got to the last gate before he would enter the feed hall a sign on the guard’s bulletin board caught his attention. It read: IN CASE OF FIRE, THROW GASOLINE AND RUN! He had no doubt whatsoever that they would do that, and maybe if they did, he’d be lucky enough to still be there.
This day was very special to him because today Aaron was going before “Maximum” John Klein. Judge Klein had the reputation of sentencing everybody that came before him to the maximum penalty regardless of what they did and regardless of whether they could prove their innocence or not. If you came before Judge Klein, you were guilty, even if he had to stay overtime in the District Attorney’s office to ensure your guilt by instructing witnesses what to or not to say on the witness stand. When you stood before Judge Klein, you weren’t dealing only with the District Attorney, newspapers and television news; you had the judge making damned sure the jury saw it his way or they would never sit on another jury in his courtroom.
Leaving the jail that morning, Aaron was shackled by chains to his ankles and could take steps of about 4 inches. There was a chain around his waist and both hands were shackled to the chain so that he couldn’t raise his hands more than two inches down or two inches up. Going into court 4 deputies escorted the boy due to his extreme threat. Aaron was 10 years old and considered very violent. The guards were afraid he might hurt them.
He met with his guardian ad litem for the first time a few seconds before he walked into court. He was a really nice family man; a plumber by trade. He greeted Aaron in the holding cell just outside the courtroom. “Ritchie, everything’s going to be all right, just be polite and answer any questions very calmly and slowly.” “But sir,” Aaron said to him, “my name is Aaron.”
“Right,” the nice plumber said and they walked into court.
“Aaron Jerome Carter, this Court having heard the testimony brought before it, finds that you are a deviant sexual threat to society and will be remanded to the custody of the State of New York, Department of Corrections, until you attain the age of majority and that at such time, a hearing will be held to determine your suitability to remain at large,” he read.
“You are also advised, that a hearing having been heard by the Family Court of Albany County, the court has approved a petition by your mother to award you a ward of the State and she has severed all ties as to your care. You are in the care and custody of the State of New York, and under its protection. Bailiff, get this piece of garbage out of my courtroom,” With that his gavel hit the pad on his desk and he went back to his porn magazine.
The next morning two deputies had Aaron shackled to the back of their patrol car with two other boys and he was traveling up the Northway to Danamora, New York.
On the ride, the deputies never talked directly to the boys but their conversations were never out of the boys hearing either. The boys heard how the department had instituted new rules regarding body searches and that some inmates were trying to bring in drugs by putting it into their asses or even their dicks. The new rules meant that searches would be very extensive in those areas. Then they heard about how the department no longer gave injections against tetanus in the arm, they injected it directly into the dick because it was more effective. The boys also heard about the new rules concerning inmates swallowing drugs for later recovery and how new technology could put a camera up a kid’s dick and go find the drugs. The sheriffs were concerned because since nobody knew which kids were trying to bring drugs in, every kid got a camera stuck up his dick and they heard it was really very painful. Aaron didn’t know if the deputies were telling the truth or just trying to scare him. Was it possibly true? Aaron didn’t have any reason not to believe it. Conner, the 9 year old boy sitting next to Aaron believed it. Aaron and Alex, the boy on the other side of Conner were getting wet from Conner’s urine.
For those who have never seen or heard about Danamora, think Dracula. It is supposedly an adult prison very close to the New York State border with Canada. It’s operated by the State of New York with people who would be on welfare if not for the fact that they are State employees working as correctional officers. “Supposedly an adult” comes from the fact that most New York State prisons also contain children. At any given time, most New York State prisons have boys within the walls. Some are there for their “crimes” while others are there to service the clients.
Entering through the three security gates the boys were led into a room with about 6 guards in it. The sheriffs handed the guard sitting at the table three files concerning the boys. “SDs!” said the sheriff. The eyebrows on the guard sitting there rose. “We’ll leave their belongings in the storage bin,” said the sheriff and after the Albany County deputies took back their cuffs and chains and said their goodbyes to their buddies, the boys were left standing there against the wall. Aaron was happy to hear about his belongings, they were the only things he had left in the world and they gave him great comfort. He never saw them again.
There were two other boys already in the room when Aaron, Conner and Alex arrived. The other boys were delivered from Kingston. Kingston is a city about an hour below Albany.
“Strip!” said one of the guards. None of the boys thought about it, when they were told to strip, they either got naked very fast, or a foot, flashlight or hand was coming at them in a very short time. Demonstrating any form of modesty whatsoever was the ultimate taboo. Aaron once balked at getting undressed when he first went to jail and he stood for 2 hours in cell block 3 standing by the guard’s desk holding his penis and testicles on a plate. The floor show was very much appreciated by all the prisoners on cell block 3. Aaron always got a round of applause from them on the walk to feeding.
Standing there now were five boys. Conner was 9, Aaron was 10, Alex was 12, Jimmy was 14 and Mark was 12. The guard that had the most hash marks on his sleeve (3) stood up and took out a pair of gloves and put them on and then reached back into his drawer and took out a tool with a handle. Aaron looked at the tool. It had a trigger and a pointed end. It looked like a garden hose end that sprayed water on flowers to the boy. Then he took out a black flashlight that was always carried by guards night or day. If there was an electrical blackout, the guards always wanted to be prepared. When no blackouts occurred, they could always use the flashlights as a club to swat flies with or maybe even hit a prisoner or two.
Albany would never dream of allowing guards to walk around with steel pipes in their hands breaking prisoners ribs or hitting them on the back and head. They are certainly not barbarians. Now if you put 5 batteries, some wire and a bulb in the steel pipe, you have a “flashlight.” Isn’t that cute?
“Turn around and face the wall and bend over touching your hands on the floor. If anyone’s hands leave the floor, you’ll be laying on it!” the guard said. “Spread your legs out as far as they’ll go”. Aaron knew this position, the guards liked to call it a “cavity search”. Sodomy was such a crude term, and they would never ever do anything like that!
All five of the boys did like they were told and Aaron started to remember what the Albany County sheriffs were talking about on the ride up. His legs started to shake and he knew that would only encourage the guards even more. He concentrated on keeping his feet flat on the floor to minimize any shaking. The CO moved to Conner and put the tool up to his rectum. Then he pushed it in. The CO pushed it in as far as he could go and Conner started to cry. Aaron knew that was very big trouble for Conner. “Shut up kid, or I’ll go and put on the bigger tip,” the CO said. Conner’s audible cry subsided, but his body language told Aaron he was being ripped open by the tool.
With the tool inside Conner, the guard cranked on the handle and it opened the little boy’s anus. The guard shined the flashlight inside Conner’s rectum. “Jesus fucking Christ, this little mother fucker is full of shit!” he told his buddies. Conner’s legs gave out from under him and the boy fell to the floor with the tool still attached to his body. The guard released the crank and yanked the tool out. Conner felt a stinging pulling sensation when the tool was ripped out. His upper thigh started to get a little wet. Maybe he wet himself some again.
Aaron was next in the inspection and he noticed that the tool had both feces and blood on it. Aaron figured he was lucky, the feces and blood would make the tool slippery now and it would enter him easier than it entered Conner. The tool was very cold as it was put up to his rectum and shoved in. Aaron was a little surprised; the tool didn’t go in as hard as he thought it would. Was it Conner’s lubrication that caused this, or was it because he had already been sodomized 5 or 6 times back in jail? Aaron wasn’t sure. Aaron heard the clicking of the ratchet handle and felt his anus being wedged open.
With each crank, his rectum was being forced open more and more. While this was happening Aaron was remembering being a little younger and getting constipated. Trying to pass his stool was very painful and difficult for him, the feeling he now had was a little more intense. Aaron forgot about keeping his feet flat, and the forward pushing by the guard had made Aaron’s heels lift off the ground and he was standing more on the balls of his feet. This made his legs quiver up and down. “Look at this kid, he’s getting off on this fucking thing” said the guard to his buddies. The guards thought that was very funny. “He looks like Bugs Bunny getting set for a foot race,” said a guard standing next to Alex. “Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry,” Aaron repeated to himself over and over again.
Alex’s turn at bat came and Alex prepared himself to be dragged through the mud of shame and degradation he was sure was about to come. “This one’s got stretch marks all over his ass!” It was true; Alex had received abundant rectal tears which began when he was 5 years old. The machine did its job and Alex held his breath straining against the pressure on his anus. “Old hat huh kid?” the moron said. Alex said nothing; what was the point?
Jimmy’s turn came next and when the tool was inserted, the guard had another amusing quip for his pals “This boy’s been down this road more than a few times.” The guards thought that was very witty, and laughed heartily. “No sir, I don’t do that,” Jimmy pleaded. “Sure kid and you don’t fuck your sister either.” Aaron never saw a 14 year old boy cry before. Jimmy gave Aaron a very good demonstration. “His own fucking sister?” said one of the guards. “Yea., and he’s going to be a proud poppa,” said laughing boy. “Sounds like job security to me,” said another guard who wanted to demonstrate his comedic abilities.
The last boy to enjoy the guard’s attention was Mark. The tool was inserted with the appropriate force and Mark’s head hit the wall in front of him. “Back up you little scumbag,” the guard told Mark. Mark followed the guard’s order which greatly amused all the guards. “He looks like a crab on the beach!” guffaws all around. “It looks like this puppy’s been around the block too! You really like to fuck, don’t you kid?” Mark didn’t answer; he joined Jimmy in tears.
In the care and custody of the State of New York, each boy was ritually rectally raped within 30 minutes of arriving. The guards loved their job and made sure they did it thoroughly and with a sense of humor.
After the “inspection” the boys were told to go to a box standing off in a corner and get a pair of underwear. Aaron’s spirits were picking up. He wouldn’t be naked for very much longer. The boys went over to the box, it contained white boxer shorts; at least they used to be white. The boys thumbed through the box looking for the smallest pair they could find. Label after label Aaron saw read size 38, 40, 42 and they were all men’s sizes. Aaron wore size 10 boys. The boys were also looking for the cleanest pair they could find. Every pair Aaron saw had urine and/or semen stains on the front and the rear was usually brown with feces stains. After about a minute of fishing through the box with no boy putting anything on, a guard came over and told the boys to get the fuck out of the way. Then he reached in and threw a pair of boxers at each boy’s feet. “I ain’t got all fucking day to play around with you assholes,” the guard said. Aaron felt like he was going to be sick, but he knew there were no choices. He bent down and picked up the boxers and with his eyes closed, put them on. The only way they would stay up was by holding them, and that is what each boy had to do. Just as the boys got the boxers on, the door opened and another guard came in. This one Aaron knew was an officer because of his uniform. “What the fuck is this Charlie, Romper Room? he said as he came in and looked at the boys. “No captain, judge Klein wanted these kids transported here in transit to Elmira to show them their future” said the CO. “You’re fucking kidding!” the captain said. “Charlie, compared to Elmira, we’re a fucking Country Club. What’s wrong with that stupid fucking moron in Albany!”
“Ain’t you never been to Elmira?” asked the captain. The man shook his head no. “Listen asshole,” said the captain, “I don’t want to see any paper trail concerning these fucking scumbags, and if I do, you’ll be back at Rome State cleaning shit out of retards diapers again. Do I make myself clear?” Again the CO nodded without saying a word. “If any of these little pricks gets an ass fucking, you better make damned sure they’re a hundred miles away!” “Yes sir!” said the CO and the captain slammed the door behind him as he left.
“Fucking stupid jerk!” said the CO when the door slammed, and he whirled around and sent Alex crashing to the floor with a slap to the side of his head. Alex’s crime was that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. The CO didn’t give a shit who he slapped, he slapped the closest one to him and that was Alex. “Pick the little motherfucker up!” He ordered Aaron and Jimmy. The boys picked up Alex who was bleeding from his nose and his ear. Alex didn’t pay too much attention to his nose bleed but he was cupping his ear with both hands. Aaron felt very sorry for Alex, but he was glad it wasn’t him who got hit.
“Get these assholes up to C block and lock them down. I want them out of here first thing in the morning,” said the CO. The boys left holding up their pants with one hand and holding up Alex with the other. Crossing the courtyard from Administration to C block was like running the gauntlet again to Aaron. There were hundreds of men in green uniforms standing around, and as they passed, Aaron felt like he was being visually raped.
The boy’s cells were on the third floor in “special housing”. The boys would sleep that night with inmates who were being driven crazy by prison or those who would be murdered if they were in the general population. One by one, the boys entered their cells and were told to stand there facing the wall away from the front of the cell until they heard the door close behind them. The last order the boys got from the guards was to “drop your drawers and kick them out of the cell. If you want to hang up, do it at Elmira, not here”. said the guard.
AARON’S FIRST NIGHT
Doors never just close in prison, they slam. They slam with a loud bang and then the noise reverberates for a few seconds afterward. It’s made to be that way to remind Aaron of exactly where he was: in hell.
Once the door slammed shut, Aaron turned and looked at the cell. It had a small table attached to the wall and a seat. It had a flat metal bed also attached to the opposite wall with no sheets, blankets or pillows. It had a metal toilet with no seat and no toilet paper. That was it. Aaron knew that this was the same thing all the other boys were looking at too. He sat down on the slab in a fog. He was in a nightmare, and it didn’t stop. It hadn’t stopped now for more than 4 months for him and he didn’t know when it was going to end. There were no tears; he didn’t have any left inside him.
“Hey kid!” the man in the cell next to him said. He looked up and could see a man’s arm reaching around from the cell next door and he was holding a mirror in his hand. “Kid, don’t be afraid, come over here and I’ll give you some stuff from the commissary” he said. “I can’t hurt you”. Aaron hadn’t eaten since that morning and was hungry and thirsty. If he was to get anything to drink, it was going to have to come from the toilet bowl, so he got up and moved closer to the arm. When he got closer, the man’s mirror moved up and down. At one point, Aaron could see part of his face, but most of the time, the mirror was too low for his face to come into view. The mirror was locked onto Aaron’s genitals and he knew it. The boy covered his body with his hand and asked him if he had anything to drink. “I’ve got soda and milk and some chocolate bars if you want to have them, but it will cost you” he said. “But I don’t have anything,” Aaron said. “I’ll give you the soda and candy kid, you just have to stand there while you’re eating it.” Aaron knew that what the man wanted to do was to look at his genitals. His throat was burning and he agreed. He passed Aaron the soda and the boy drank it as the mirror moved up and down in the man’s hand. Aaron could hear him jerking off in the next cell. Aaron finished the soda and the man asked him if he wanted another one and a chocolate bar. The boy was starved and still thirsty. “Yes,” said the boy. “OK, you come over here to the corner and let me touch your dick and balls and I’ll give it to you,” the man told him. Aaron thought about it. “I won’t hurt you kid and I’ll give you the soda and candy while I’m touching you.” Having someone touch Aaron’s genitals was nothing new to him. Being in jail for 4 months, he had been molested and raped more times than he could remember by some of the older boys there, by trustees and by guards.
Being around sex was common by now for Aaron, the last time he was in an elevator in jail he was with Conner when the trustee stopped the elevator in mid floor and told Aaron and another boy there to turn around and face the wall while the man dropped Conner’s pants and sucked Conner off. Conner said nothing, this happened to him several times a day. At 9, it had been going on for 7 years.
Aaron figured he had little to lose. The worst thing that could happen was that the man would get close enough to him and choke him to death. Aaron wondered how long that would take. “OK,” said Aaron and he moved into the corner next to the wall. The man reached back into the cell with another soda and bar of candy and took his hand back out and sat down. Now he reached back into Aaron’s cell and found what he was looking for. Aaron wasn’t particularly interested, but the man’s stimulation was making the boy erect. Aaron hated that, because it always meant that the other person would think that Aaron liked being touched. His body was doing something he didn’t want it to and he didn’t know how to stop it.
The man rolled Aaron’s testicles around for a little while and then slowly made his way towards the boy’s anus. Aaron was still very sore back there and pulled back as the mans fingers reached it. The man knew that Aaron could withdraw completely and told Aaron he would just touch his dick. Aaron moved forward again. “Turn sideways kid and I’ll jerk you off while I jerk myself off,” the man said. Aaron turned. The man started slowly, but as he neared orgasm his movement accelerated on Aaron. Aaron knew it would stop when he climaxed, and not before. He wanted the man to get up to the “stroking speed” that he was taught in jail. Aaron concentrated on stiffening his penis. The man took about 2 minutes to make himself and the boy climax and Aaron was thankful that he came just after the man did. “Wait just a second kid,” and the man withdrew his arm and brought it back a few seconds later. He dropped another chocolate bar on the ground and asked Aaron if he could have one more little feel of his balls. Aaron turned towards the front and the man’s hand found his testicles and rubbed them all over. The boy felt wet in his scrotum and moved back away to look down.
“Thanks kid, my name is David, David Berkowitz, maybe you’ve heard of me?” “No sir” the boy said. “I’m the Son of Sam! Ever hear of me?” “No sir” Aaron said. “That’s OK kid, it really doesn’t matter, but hey, just for your own information, I have AIDS, so don’t drink any of that scum I rubbed on your balls OK? I just put it there to help them grow a little.” Aaron stared down at his crotch. He knew from the boys at the Albany County jail who had already started to cum and made him suck their penises that what he was looking at was really scum. Aaron thought about it. How long does it take to die from AIDS? He picked up his candy bar and sat down on the slab. Eventually, the boy ate the candy and curled himself into a ball to try to keep warm. The boy didn’t really sleep, he turned his mind off.
Sometime in the middle of the night, Aaron got off the slab with a throat ripping thirst. The chocolate bars and soda made his thirst a hundred times worse. Aaron knew there was only one source of water available. He sat down in front of the bowl for almost an hour staring at the water. Finally, he dipped his head in and drank. Aaron was the last of the boys except for Alex to drink from the fountain provided by the State for them. Years later Aaron heard that Berkowitz had found god. If he did, Aaron was sure that the creep would be trying to fuck the lord.
CONNER’S FIRST NIGHT
With the closing of the door, Conner was now alone. He had turned 9 years old two weeks before he was arrested, and that was 6 months ago. Since going to jail he was never alone, Conner needed to be with someone even if he was being forced to suck the boy’s penis next to him in jail. At least he was with someone. As a child, he was alone more often than not. His mother was busy with tricks, and the apartment was cold and dark.
Conner was very small for his age; some people said he had what was called “Failure to thrive syndrome”. It’s very difficult to “thrive” on nothing, and that’s what Conner usually ate. His mother spent most of the trick money on beer, cigarettes and coke.
Conner tried to sit on the slab but his rectum wouldn’t allow that. When he took off the boxers he saw blood in them just before he kicked them out of the cell and he now stood there in the middle of the cell and felt his rectum with his hand. It came back bloody but the dripping had stopped, and it felt a lot better when he sat down on the toilet and washed his anus with his fingers. The cool of the water stopped some of the burning feeling and after a few minutes of wiping, his hand didn’t have as much blood on it anymore. Still, sitting on the toilet was better than sitting on the bed and he sat there until his legs started to get numb from the pressure of the metal bowl on his legs. He flushed the toilet about 3 times and stood up. His mouth was very hot and dry and his throat burned him when he breathed in. Conner needed water. There was only one source, and he drank his fill. Conner didn’t think too much about drinking from the bowl, it smelled pretty much like pee. Conner was used to pee, one of mommy’s tricks used to visit him all the time and he always liked to have Conner drink his “water” from his “stick.”
Conner saw Jimmy being put into the cell next to his, and got on the floor and called for him very quietly. Jimmy came over to his side of the wall and also got down on the floor. Neither boy wanted anybody to hear them talking, they didn’t want to be beaten again. Jimmy came from Kinston and Conner didn’t know him. He knew only Alex and Aaron, but they were in cells too far away to reach. Conner needed to be with someone, even a stranger. “Can you stay down here with me tonight?” Conner asked Jimmy. “What, here on the fucking floor?” Jimmy asked. The tone of Jimmy’s voice scared Conner and any other time, he would have avoided him. Jimmy was very big to the little Conner. Usually bigger kids either fought him or fucked him. Conner was used to both. Scared or not, if Conner didn’t convince the person next door to stay with him, who could he turn to? “What’s the difference, the floor is just as hard as the bed is,” Conner said. “OK,” Jimmy replied. “My name is Conner, what’s yours?” “Jimmy,” came the reply. “How old are you?” Conner asked. “What the fuck do you care, are you writing a book?” Jimmy said sarcastically. Conner started crying. Jimmy figured he was crying a little too hard, so he reached out and touched Connor’s hand that was hanging through the bars. “I’m sorry, keep quiet or we’re both going to get the shit beat out of us.” More than anything, physical contact stopped the flow from Conner. If he was touching someone, he wasn’t alone. He laid flat on the floor and held Jimmy’s hand in both of his. It wasn’t easy for him and he asked Jimmy to put his arm a little further out of the bars. “You ain’t going queer on me are you kid?” Jimmy asked. Conner started to choke up again and Jimmy heard it in his voice. “Please, I just don’t want to be alone.”
Jimmy figured letting some snot nosed brat hold his hand was better than having a guard come down and give his flashlight some exercise all over his head. Besides, Jimmy thought, friends are better than enemies in jail, and maybe the kid could do him some good in the future. Jimmy laid down on his back and reached his arm through the bars and around the corner.
Conner now had a hand and part of a forearm to keep him company. He covered Jimmy’s hand in both of his and put his cheek on Jimmy’s forearm; he needed contact. Jimmy felt Conner’s face and breath on his arm and considered pulling his arm out. He also felt Conner’s wet cheek and knew them to be tears. Jimmy was the toughest little bastard he knew how to be, but he couldn’t fool himself. Conner had a security blanket and Jimmy wasn’t going to pull it from under him. Besides, nobody could see it! Conner fell asleep holding onto Jimmy’s hand like it was the only thing he had in the world: it was.
A guard came around on his rounds a few hours later and looked down at the two boys sleeping. His flashlight first moved up Jimmy’s body and then to Conner’s. His flashlight stayed on Conner holding onto Jimmy for a few moments and then the light was turned off. “What the fuck am I doing here!” said the guard, and walked on. Both boys were extremely lucky and didn’t know it. They came across a guard with a conscience. They’re extremely rare.
Sometime later, Conner got up to go to the toilet and he was sweating very badly. His stomach was giving him extreme cramps, and he had to go very badly. Just as he sat down his bowels let go and so did his stomach. He couldn’t get off the toilet because he was having explosive diarrhea, and he had to throw up, so all he could do was sit there and throw up in his lap. Conner didn’t get off the toilet for probably 15 minutes and when he did, he curled up on the floor in a ball shivering. It was 3:30 and the snow was falling.
ALEX’S FIRST NIGHT
The blow Alex received from the guard came out of nowhere and Alex was stunned senseless. It wasn’t the first time this had happened, more like the 100th. Alex was used to his “uncle” sucker punching him, he had done it since moving in with Alex’s mother and two sisters when Alex was 7. Now, he was sitting in a cell. He couldn’t exactly remember getting to the cell, he remembered putting on boxers, and then he was here. Where was here? Did it really matter? Alex thought to himself. His ear was impossible to touch without agony and there were bells and sirens going off that didn’t quit. They were so loud in Alex’s head that he couldn’t think or concentrate.
As soon as the doors shut, Alex had to sit down. The cell was spinning around and the floor was tilting sideways. Alex looked to the side and could make out a shiny flat surface big enough to lay down on. He got to the bed and it felt cold and hard. He got his body on top of the surface and closed his eyes. Alex’s first night was very brief.
MARK’S FIRST NIGHT
With the closing of the doors, Mark moved to the slab and sat down. He looked around hoping to find something to wrap himself in to stop the shivering. There was nothing.
He had been in jail now for almost 8 months and hadn’t seen or heard from anybody in his family since he first went in. Before going to jail, he was very close to his family. He was Greek and had many brothers, cousins and uncles and they were a very tight knit family. That was part of the reason he was in jail. Now, no visits, no mail, no phone calls, it was like he didn’t exist anymore and he was confused and very lonely. His 12th birthday had just occurred two weeks ago and he thought he would get a visit. Maybe from his mother. Maybe she forgot.
Mark was very tired and very hungry. He was also very thirsty. He looked around to find the sink. There was none. But there was a toilet. He got up and went over to the toilet and looked inside. Someone had used the toilet and forgot to flush it. It looked like they forgot to flush it more than a few times. The toilet was half full. Mark flushed the toilet and it almost came back clean. He flushed it two more times when a voice from the next cell said “Knock it off you little bastard, I’m trying to sleep!” Mark didn’t realize anybody was in the cell next to his and the voice startled him. Then another voice came from the cell on the other side of Marks cell. “Back off Turk, he’s just a little kid!” The other man said nothing.
An arm came out from the cell and it held a mirror in it. Mark knew that the mirror was used by prisoners to see down the corridors and around corners. Everybody had mirrors in jail, it was a necessity. “Kid, why are you running the plumbing so much?” “I’m thirsty and the water is all dirty,” Mark told the man next door. “You’re figuring to drink from the toilet?” asked the man.
“It’s the only water I have,” Mark replied. “Hang on,” the man said and withdrew his arm. The man’s arm came back out of his cell with two containers of milk in his hands. “Take these kid, but check them first. Sometimes they go sour on me.” Mark couldn’t believe his eyes. He went over and took the milk from the man’s hand. “Thank you very much!” Mark said to the man. “Forget it kid.” Mark took the milk back to his bed and opened the first container. He smelled the milk. It wasn’t exactly sour, but it didn’t have curdles in it and Mark decided that it was good enough to swallow. Finishing the first one, he opened the second. The second one had big chunks in it and there was no question that it was inedible. Mark put the container down on the floor. He was still a little thirsty, but nothing like a few minutes ago. He could live with that.
“Did they give you any blankets kid?” the man asked. “No sir,” Mark told him. “Here, take this one, but the guards may not let you keep it. If they want to know where it came from, tell them it was there in the cell when you came in. I could get busted for giving it to you, so stick to your story.” With that the man held out a blanket end and Mark pulled it through the bars. Mark couldn’t believe his good fortune. Whoever the man next door was, he was the nicest person he had come into contact with for the past eight months. “Thank you very much!” Mark said as he started to cry. “Forget it,” the man said and Mark heard him go back to his bed and lay down. Mark curled up in the blanket that he folded in half and fell asleep almost immediately. The shivering had stopped and Mark felt like the luckiest boy in the world.
Two hours later with Mark sound asleep a CO did his rounds through the cell block. Passing each cell, he shined has flashlight into it. When he got to Mark’s cell, he stopped. “Larry. Larry.” he called to the man who gave Mark the blanket. Larry woke up and sat up in his bed. “What the fuck did you do that for?” the CO said to the inmate. “What Joe?” the inmate answered. “Don’t give me that fucking shit, you know god damned fucking well that Turk didn’t give that kid that fucking blanket!” the CO said. “Come on Joe, the fucking kid was freezing his balls off!” “I didn’t see the blanket Larry, and if that kid hangs it up, you’re going to be having an accident!” There was no response from Larry, the CO didn’t expect one. He moved on. Mark was correct: he was a very lucky boy.
Normally the prison lights came on every morning at 6 am. The boys were woken up at 4 by the cell doors opening and a voice down the corridor telling them to walk out onto the catwalk and stand there. The guards had thrown in more boxers and the boys put them on except for Alex. “Where the fuck is cell 26?” the voice said and a commotion started at the end of the corridor. Cell 26 was where Alex slept that night.
“Mother fucker!” said the first guard that reached cell 26. Alex was lying on his slab and blood was all over the place. His ear was still dripping blood, but it was a whole lot thicker than normal blood and a whole lot darker. The guard put on Alex’s boxers and called out. “You two get the fuck over here and pick him up!” said one of the guards to Mark and Jimmy and both boys followed the guard to the infirmary holding Jimmy up as they walked. Aaron looked at Alex. Alex was walking with them, but Aaron felt he wasn’t really there. “Alex, are you OK?, Are you OK?” Alex looked at Aaron, but not really. The nurse looked in Alex’s ear and said “His eardrum is busted, what happened?” “He slipped on a bar of soap” said the guard. Neither Mark nor Jimmy looked at each other when the guard said that. They were just turning around and facing the wall. You do a lot of that in prison.
The nurse took some cotton out of a jar and stuck it in Alex’s ear. “Have them look at it when he gets to wherever he’s going”. Before the nurse was finished, he told the boys to stand Alex back up, he needed to check for “contraband”. After a complete check, he was satisfied that Alex didn’t have a hernia, dislocated penis or any drugs in his rectum.
Following the guards the boys arrived back in the same room they were in the night before. A guard reached into a box and picked out orange jump suits and threw one at each one of the boys feet. “Dress” he said. Alex was sat down on a chair and Jimmy and Aaron put his suit on. Alex’s eyes were open and he was awake, but the boys knew he really wasn’t.
Like the boxers the night before, the jumpsuits were completely filthy. The suits all stunk like piss and Alex’s suit also stunk of vomit as well. Now, his ear was dripping blood onto it. The guards brought out chains and shackles and once again they were chained up almost to the point of not being able to walk or stand up straight.
Feeding time at Danamora was 7 am. They were on the road at 6. Now heading back down the Northway for Albany and then on the Thruway to Downstate Correctional Facility to pick up inmates for transport to Auburn Correctional. The boys arrived at Downstate at 11:00, feeding was at 10:00 and they unfortunately missed it. Pm. feed was at 1:00; the boys were back on the road at 12:00 and unfortunately missed it. The boys arrived at Elmira at 5:00 and they were 4 hours late for pm feed unfortunately. Unfortunate things happen very often in prison.
Elmira “Reformatory” was as warm, cozy and appealing to look at as Danamora was. The entire place is surrounded in 3 rows of razor wire because American children are fantastically dangerous animals and the guards needed a great deal of protection from them. The prison contains its own cemetery to house those boys who were the most dangerous and needed special reforming by the guards. If Aaron had a knife, he would have slit his throat as he entered through the gates for the first time.
Part Two
At Elmira the boys were led into a room that had about 8 adults in it, half of the men were COs, the other half were trustees. All the boys knew what trustees were: they were guards without power, but almost as ruthless as the guards. With chains clanking, the boys came into the room with Aaron and Jimmy holding onto Alex by both arms. “What the fuck is this?” the sergeant sitting at his desk asked the guards bringing the boys in. “Danamora” said one of the guards. “Those stupid mother fuckers cost us more money than everybody else put together. When the fuck are they gonna learn?” said the sergeant. “Find out the name of the prick who did this, if he enters the system, charge back 10 grand to his account!” “OK sarge,” said a CO sitting at a desk.
Aaron and Jimmy were standing there holding up Alex who was getting heavier by the minute. Alex still had his eyes open but both boys noticed they really weren’t moving or looking around much. Aaron was happy to see that he did blink now and then, but not very often. Alex didn’t speak a word on the entire trip, he just stared at his lap. “Brett, Pete, get this kid to the Doc. I want his ass back here in half an hour,” said the sergeant to two COs. The guards got up and took Alex from Aaron and Jimmy and took Alex’s chains off. The first guard who took Alex’s arm looked over directly at Alex. “I don’t think so boss, this kid looks pretty fucked up!” “Mother fucking stupid fucking assholes!” the sergeant repeated and banged both fists on his desk.
“Sir, I think I’d more helpful if I gave Doc a hand. I think there are some serious problems.” The request was coming from a trustee. The sergeant didn’t say anything for a little while; he just sat back in his chair. Finally he sat back up, “What do you think Michael?” The trustee answered “Maybe concussion.” The sergeant said nothing for a long time then just said “Go.”
All the boys knew they had a small problem on their hands. Not only were they facing a guard, they were facing a pissed off guard. Alex looked like a zombie because the guard in Danamora got angry, they were now in a very dangerous place and they knew it. “Let’s get this bullshit over with, I’ve got a Pop Warner game tonight,” the sergeant said and the guards took the chains and shackles off the remaining boys. “Strip,” was the next thing the boys heard and all four of them were very happy to comply. Once all the boys were standing before the sergeant’s desk, he began speaking to them like he was on a tape machine.
“For the next 90 days, I own your mind, I own your dick, I own your balls, and I own your bodies. You’ll do exactly as you are told, whenever you are told to do it, and if you don’t I’ll have your dick in a jar”. With that, he reached into his drawer and pulled out a jar and handed it to Conner. “Pass that on” he said to Conner. Each boy in turn received and looked in the jar. Inside the jar in a clear liquid was a small penis about 3 inches long. There was no doubt whatsoever in any of the boys’ minds that the penis used to be on some kids body. It had obviously been cut off.
“You have 90 days to get prepared to earn your living and my job is to see to it that you are ready. You will be ready, or you’ll end up with two holes to fuck: one in your ass and one where your dick used to be. Do I make myself clear?” With Conner slumping to the floor and Aaron trying to hold him, Aaron said “Yes sir, we do”. Jimmy and Mark both said “Yes sir,”
“You’re now the property of the State Of New York and when you are asked to identify yourself, you have a number,” the sergeant continued. “I’m going to tell you that number calmly just once. Remember that number, because if you forget it you’re going to have a flashlight up your ass within moments. Clear?” he asked. The boys all shook their heads yes.
He spoke to Conner first. “You are number 88E468SD.” Moving to Aaron he said “You are number 88E469SD,” moving to Jimmy, he said “You are number 88E470SD,” moving to Mark he said “You are number 88E471SD.”
The boys repeated the number in their minds over and over again. Aaron and Jimmy felt that they could remember theirs. Mark was already feeling that he was in trouble because he had learning difficulties: he kept repeating the number in his head over and over again hoping that he would soon have access to a pencil and a piece of paper and write it down. Conner was confusing the number in his mind on the second pass. He reached over to Aaron and grabbed his hand. Aaron looked at Conner and pretty much figured out what his problem was. “I know it” Aaron said to Conner very quietly. Conner’s eyes filled up. Nothing more was said.
The New York State Corrections Department has a number given to every inmate. You were never a name, you were a number, like cows or pigs or sheep. The numbers told a lot about the body behind them. This is the system: 88E469SD tells a guard that the prisoner entered prison in 1988, he was admitted into the system through Elmira, he was the 469th prisoner to enter into that prison that year and that he was a sexual deviate. They didn’t tattoo the prisoner’s numbers on their forearms; they wear it on their clothing.
The trustee who went out with Alex then came back and the sergeant looked at him. “Doc says he’s going to be deaf in one ear. They busted his eardrum and its wild with infection. Doc’s shooting him with antibiotics to try to contain the damage,” said the trustee. “He may be lost.
Doc is in Code Red, he wants me to return.”. “Go,” said the Sergeant. “Cock sucking stupid mother fuckers, how could they possibly be so fucking stupid!” said the sergeant as he picked up his jacket and hat and slammed the door behind him. Aaron and Jimmy looked at each other not saying a word. They knew Alex was in deep, deep shit.
“Michael, put these guys down before you go back,” a guard said to the trustee. “Yes sir” said the trustee and he opened a door and said “Move out,” pointing the boys up the corridor.
“Guys?” thought Aaron. He hadn’t been referred to anything human in months. He could come up with a hundred descriptions of himself over the past 4 months, but nothing that could be repeated in church. Being called a “guy” to Aaron was like being called a Prince or Your Highness. Aaron wondered what price he would have to pay for the compliment.
Following the trustee down the hall, Aaron noticed that he had long flowing hair. The trustee’s hair ran down his neck and was tucked under his shirt, but Aaron knew that it stretched way beyond the neck. He saw lots of trustees in jail and more at Danamora, but none with really long hair! It intrigued Aaron, and he wanted to know more. Aaron was also surprised by the conversations between this trustee and the sergeant. Most trustees he had ever been in contact with were regarded or talked to by guards only mildly better than prisoners were. This one seemed to be talking to the guards as equals. That didn’t make any sense to Aaron. “What do you think Michael?” Since when did a guard care about what a prisoner thought? Aaron was confused. Not only did the guard listen to the trustee, he didn’t challenge his opinion. Who was this trustee? Aaron wanted to know.
The trustee came to a door and stopped. “You’ll be staying here tonight. You are under constant video taping in there, if there are any problems, you’ll have a squad of COs in there within seconds. Keep that in mind. There are six beds inside. Tomorrow will be a very full day for you and you need to sleep. They’ll be back for you very early in the morning, so go to sleep as soon as you can. I know you haven’t eaten all day and there are sandwiches and milk inside. Take care of each other, you’re all you have.” The trustee then opened the door and Conner, Aaron, Jimmy and Mark all filed in. Closing the door, it locked behind them.
Conner saw the food first. It was sitting on a table in the middle of the room. Peanut butter and jelly, tuna fish, egg salad and cheese and bologna sandwiches along with a refrigerator that was full of small containers of milk. Conner had no problem with opening the sandwiches and scoffing them down.
Aaron and Jimmy weren’t so sure. It was a dream come true but what was the price? Both boys looked all around. There were six beds in the unit; all of them were made up with sheets, blankets and pillows. There was a toilet, it even had toilet paper. There was a large shower stall with 4 shower heads in it. In one corner stood a water cooler and it had water in it. Aaron, Jimmy and Mark headed for the cooler and left it half empty. There was a camera in each corner of the room and the red light on the top of each camera was on. Aaron and Jimmy were very confused. What’s the catch?
Aaron decided whatever the cost; he was going to take a shower. He picked up a handful of sandwiches off the table and sat down underneath the shower head. His first sandwich was tuna, and he ate it as half the sandwich disintegrated under the force of the water. An egg salad sandwich was next and he gobbled it down before half of it went down the drain. Aaron threw out the bread from the next sandwich; the water couldn’t wash away the cheese and bologna no matter how hard it rained down on it! Aaron finished the sandwiches and sat there in the bottom of the shower stall with the water raining down on top of him. His stomach was now full. He lifted his face up to the shower head and closed his eyes and let the water wash over his face for a long time. His mind was now free to start concentrating on other issues now that his stomach was full and he drank all the water and milk he possibly could. He sat there staring down with water pouring down around him. He thought about Albany, he thought about Danamora, he thought about Alex. Sitting under a shower fall of water is a great place to lose it because no one near knows what’s happening. Aaron could let loose without anyone around him knowing he did it. Aaron lost it burying his face in his hands.
“Aaron, Aaron, Aaron, can I come in with you?” Conner asked. Conner was standing next to Aaron by the shower when Aaron realized the boy was standing there. Aaron knew that the water masked any problems that he may have been having and he also knew that Conner wasn’t quite up to speed in the development department. To Aaron, Conner was nine going on six. He didn’t think Conner was a bean, but he didn’t think Conner was going to be a rocket scientist any time soon either. “OK” said Aaron. With the water flowing down, Aaron washed Conner sitting in his lap. The other boys now joined Aaron under the shower heads, and all 4 boys sat there until they all had wrinkles on their finger tips from the water.
Conner was sound asleep before he left the shower. With Aaron shampooing his hair, Conner’s head moved closer and closer to Aaron’s chest until it rested full on it and he was out like a light. Aaron finished rinsing off the little boy’s head and Aaron sat there for a long time just holding onto Conner. Aaron didn’t have a teddy bear to comfort him, he had someone who was living and breathing instead. Aaron put Conner in a bed and pulled the covers over him. He adjusted the little boy’s head on the pillow and just stared at him for awhile. To Aaron, Conner looked like the boy was sleeping like he didn’t have a care in the world. Aaron bent forward and kissed Conner on the lips. As he did, Aaron’s tears once again started to rain down and Aaron sat there with his eyes closed holding Conner’s face in his hands. He began rocking back and forth; he didn’t know he was doing it.
Both Jimmy and Mark saw the interchange between Aaron and Conner. In other times, Aaron probably would have taken an ass whipping for what he had just done with Conner, but these weren’t “other times” and both Jimmy and Mark wished that they had a friend like Aaron.
Aaron lay there in his bed for a long time and was almost asleep when he felt a tapping on his chest. “Please, can I sleep with you?” Conner asked. Aaron was surprised to see Conner; he thought he would sleep for days if allowed to. Conner wasn’t used to sleeping alone, it rarely occurred in his very young life. Aaron opened his blanket and Conner scooted in. Without asking, Conner got on top of Aaron and used Aaron’s chest for his pillow. Conner’s breathing told Aaron that the boy was back asleep within moments of getting back into bed.
Aaron still wasn’t sure as he fell asleep whether the little boy on top of him was receiving more security, or was it the other way around? He only knew that holding onto and helping Conner gave him some measure of decency and very little else did. It also kept his mind busy on things other than himself and he didn’t want to go there.
Jimmy and Mark looked over to Aaron’s bed and saw the 2 boys laying one on top of the other. In earlier days, Jimmy would have had a few choice comments to make. These weren’t earlier days and Jimmy closed his eyes. Mark on the other hand would have made no choice comments; he wondered what his family was doing right now. As was now the normal scenario, Mark fell asleep making a larger and larger wet stain on his pillow.
The morning came to the boys with the sound of doors slamming and bells ringing. Aaron woke up with Conner attached to his side. Conner had peed the bed which didn’t bother Aaron all that much, so did he. As it turned out, Mark also peed with Jimmy’s being the only dry bed in the unit. In earlier times, Jimmy would have had a field day with that information, but Jimmy figured they all had plenty of people dumping shit all over them and he wasn’t going to add to the pile. Aaron turned the water on in the showers and they all sat under the steaming hot water. It was almost worth being in jail Aaron thought to himself.
Aaron dried Conner and then himself. All four boys drank the rest of the milk sitting on the chairs in the unit waiting. They didn’t have a clue as to what was going on until the door to their unit finally opened up. “Move out!” came the order from a trustee and the boys moved to the corridor. In the corridor, Aaron and the rest of the boys saw about 15 more boys. Like them, they were also naked. Holding Conner’s hand behind him, Aaron joined the line.
Before the boys entered the room, there was talking coming from the mess hall. The boys could hear boys’ voices. Once they started entering, the room became very quiet. There were about 80 boys sitting at tables and eating. Half the boys had some clothes on, either orange jump suits or green shorts. Some boys had the suits and shorts sitting on their laps or next to them on the bench but they were stark naked. Aaron thought that was very curious; if the boy had access to clothes, why wasn’t he wearing them? The rest of the boys were naked like the new group. Some of the boys had a small ring right in back of their dick heads. Aaron couldn’t figure any of it out. The ends of some of their dicks looked very red and raw. Did this have something to do with the cameras the sheriffs were talking about? Aaron didn’t know. All the new boys walked forward as the line moved forward, and watched as the trustees filled bowls and put them on the trays that each boy held out to him. Then they moved down and another put bread on the tray. At the end of the line, the boys had to pass the cup and another trustee filled the cup with coffee from a container marked “Evacuation”. None of the boys knew what evacuation meant.
When the boys in the clothes were finished, they got up and left. They all pretty much left in pairs, each jumpsuit boy seemed to have a boy with a pair of shorts on following them or walking along side them. Some were holding hands. Aaron thought that was a little odd, but then, he held Connor’s hand hadn’t he? Some of the boys in the jumpsuits had very long hair Aaron observed. The boys in shorts had hair, but nowhere near as long as the jumpsuit boys. Aaron looked at the naked boys. It reminded him of pictures of kids in a cancer ward. They had no hair whatsoever, not even on their eyebrows.
When all the boys in clothes left, a trustee came to the door and announced “school”. All the naked boys got up and started to file out following the trustee down the hall. Now that they were passing Aaron he got a closer look at them. The most important observation that Aaron made was that the boys, including the naked boys didn’t really seem all that unhappy. Nobody was crying or keeping their eyes glued to the floor, Nobody looked scared or embarrassed, nobody looked like they were about to step into hell. At that point, the mess hall was empty except for the 20 or so boys from the cell block and then the trustees came back in. Michael went around the table and told some of the boys to finish their coffee. When all the coffee was gone, Michael said “Stand and follow”. The boys then walked down a few corridors and walked into a room with shower heads all along the walls. As each boy entered, he was given a very large glass of water and told to drink it all. There were about 6 trustees in there and the boys were told to get wet under the shower and stand in line in front of the trustees. After getting wet, each boy’s hair was washed with a shampoo that Aaron thought smelled like kerosene. The trustees didn’t rinse off the shampoo, they put more in their hands and washed each boys genitals with it and left it on too. Jimmy stood there with a trustee scrubbing the shampoo into his groin with his legs spread apart and was very far from a happy camper. “Stand there for 5 minutes, this will get the lice off you.” “Lice? I don’t have lice,” Jimmy said to the trustee standing in front of him. “It doesn’t matter, just do it and don’t talk” After five minutes, he told the boys to rinse off and get under the showers and wash. “Lice my ass!” Jimmy said to himself. He was convinced he just got a feel job from a faggot.
A few minutes into the shower, Conner raised his hand to a trustee and told him he had to go to the bathroom and do number 2. “Yes, we know, you all do; you’re being evacuated. Stay under the water until it stops” he told Conner. Conner didn’t understand and neither did most of most of the boys. What the heck did “evacuate” mean? None of the boys were sure.
There was another boy just a little smaller than Conner and he found out first. He was standing there under the shower, and he reached down and grabbed his stomach and started to bend his knees to the cement floor. He got about halfway down and his ass exploded all over the wall in back of him. He wasn’t shitting, he was blowing. Less than 15 seconds later, Conner was dumping shit all around his legs and pretty much freaking out. The meaning of “evacuate” was becoming clearer to boy after boy in the room as they joined in and squatted to the floor. After about 20 minutes, every boy had shit his brains out wondering if they had an asshole left. Hoses were attached to the showers and a trustee gave each boy an enema when the bulk of the flood subsided. Aaron was grateful that the tip was very small, and that the trustee put some kind of white jelly on the tip before he stuck it in. Aaron almost didn’t feel it being inserted. The showers never stopped and the shower walls were hosed off by the trustees.
Michael stepped forward after the room was cleaned up somewhat and the last of the boys were finished. “Today you will all receive a physical from the Doctor and his assistants,” he said. “Part of the physical is to check your rectums and the evacuation was necessary to do that. We didn’t do it to hurt you or to make you feel bad. If it needs to be done in the future, you will be told about it before it happens.”
From the shower room, the boys went across the hall and walked into a room that looked to them like a barber shop except it had stools, not barber chairs to sit on. There were about 10 stools in there and each one had a trustee behind it. They were about to get a haircut and they remembered what the boys in the mess hall looked like. They didn’t look like happy campers, especially those boys who had already started or attained pubic hair. Aaron was happy he was bald; the older boys seemed to be really upset with being shaved. Jimmy was pissed. He looked like a little boy again. There were no mirrors in the barber shop, and Aaron was happy about that. He looked like all the rest of the boys in front of him and didn’t like what he saw.
After haircuts, the boys were taken to the infirmary and a trustee handed each boy 5 glass tubes with colored tops and they moved to a line with a trustee taking blood from them. One by one, the boys had to hand him a tube when he told them to and filled up the tubes. Aaron could hear Conner protesting and crying in the background. Michael picked him up and sat down on a chair with Conner in his lap. Michael was making it as easy for Conner as he could. Aaron watched as Michael held Conner close to him and stroked his back as Conner’s blood was being drawn from his arm. He was grateful that Michael was there instead of a guard, he knew if that happened, Conner would go off. Aaron looked around the room and saw several other trustees that had boys in their arms too. Aaron was feeling hopeful; he was witnessing more and more compassion occurring around him. Something that he hadn’t seen or heard in a very long time.
As each boy finished his blood work, they were directed to trustees who gave them shots. Aaron didn’t know what the shots were, but there were 4 of them to be given to each boy. Aaron wondered if the trustees were going to be reaching for his dick; he hoped not.
Michael pretty much assumed, very correctly, that Conner was about as cooperative with shots as he was with blood work. With Conner still in his arms, Michael addressed the entire room. “Boys, there are 4 shots that are mandatory. You have a choice: you can either take the shots in your arm, or on your butt. Some boys find it easier to take the shot in the butt because they have more padding there. It’s your choice. If you want them in the butt, turn around and that’s were it will be given,” Michael went on: “I know a lot of you have been told that shots are given in the dick. You were told that to scare you, it isn’t true.” A lot of the boys all looked at each other. The needle in the dick routine was a favorite joke of the police; they get off on scaring the living shit out of little boys. The boys’ spirits were picking back up.
“A little trick I was taught when I was a little boy concerning shots will help you,” Michael said. “If you smack the area you’re going to get the shot in with your hand just before you get it, it will make the shot less painful.” The room for the next 5 minutes reverberated with the sounds of boys slapping themselves on the arm or ass. Aaron smiled for the first time in months at the sight.
Conner wouldn’t let go of Michael’s neck, so with his permission, Michael did the honors. Conner came through it with a minimum of fuss and Aaron began to have his spirits lifted now as well. With shots over Michael called Aaron over and handed the boy to him. Aaron took him back and Conner attached himself back to Aaron’s chest. I sure am glad this kid doesn’t weigh anything, Aaron thought to himself. Aaron reached around Conner’s bottom with his arms and Conner reacted to the touch with a flinch. Aaron felt the flinch and asked Conner if his butt hurt. Conner shook his head yes and Aaron rubbed his cheeks. Conner giggled a little and Michael smiled and walked towards the door. It was good to hear the little boy giggle, Aaron thought to himself. He wondered what it felt like.
Michael addressed the boys standing in front of another door. “The area we’re now going to is the medical room. It is your doctor’s office, his name is Dr. Sid. Everybody calls him Doc, you will do the same.” Michael then opened the door and stepped aside as the boys filed into the room. Aaron entered the room with Conner, and looked around. The room was very big and very bright. Most of the rooms up to that point were cold and dark looking. The room smelled of medicine and had high flat beds all around it with paper on the top like you see in hospitals. To Aaron, it looked like a hospital emergency room did with all the machines and stuff hanging on the walls.
Doc was sitting at a big desk and was surrounded by about 8 trustees and everybody was in green pants and white shirts. Not the green pants of the prisoners that Aaron was used to seeing, but green like the pants worn in the hospital by doctors and orderlies. Aaron was impressed. Michael went over to the desk and he and Doc talked for awhile, and then Michael went out another door. Aaron followed Michael’s movements. He wondered where he was going and if he would be back. He hoped so.
Doc spun around in his chair and got up and walked over to the group of boys standing before him. He lifted himself up onto the flat bed and addressed the boys. “Good morning, my name is Doc, I’m your physician. I’m a pediatrician, does anybody know what that means?” he asked. “That’s a baby doctor,” one of the boys said. “Somewhat,” Doc answered the boy. “A pediatrician is a doctor who specializes in the care of children, they don’t have to be babies.
While you are here, I will make sure with my staff that your medical needs are taken care of.” The boys looked around to each other. In jail, you needed to have one foot in the grave before you got to see a doctor. “I will first tell you that I am an inmate just like you and so is all my staff. We are all trustees just like your caretakers.” None of the boys had heard the term “caretakers” before. “What’s a caretaker?” another boy asked. “Well, I guess I’ve jumped the gun a bit. A caretaker is a trustee that will be taking care of you and living with you. You will have one before the end of today,” Doc told the boys.
Doc got off the table and started to return towards the gurneys. “This morning, you were all evacuated. The coffee you drank had a medicine in it that cleaned out your bowels,” he told the boys. “A rectal examination can’t be done unless you are clean inside, and that’s the way it’s done. I hope you weren’t too upset by it, but it wasn’t done to you to make you feel bad. I know that most of you have received cavity searches and rectal examinations have nothing whatsoever to do with them. We need each boy to lie down on a bed here and we will complete the exam as quickly as possible.”
Eight beds were now lined up with a trustee at the head of each one of them. “You need to lie down on your side and pull both knees up towards your chest. If you want to see the exam while it’s being done, watch the monitor screen alongside your bed.” “Monitor screen?” Aaron thought to himself. What would watching a TV have to do with shining a flashlight up your ass?
“We want to see the littlest ones first,” Doc said and a trustee came to get Conner. Conner balked when the trustees hands touched his sides, and Aaron asked the trustee if he could put Conner on the table and be with him. The trustee looked at Doc who shook his head yes. “We’ve done this before Conner,” Aaron whispered in the little boy’s ear. “I’m here with you,” Conner whimpered, but he didn’t freak like Aaron thought he might. The trustee sat down by the foot of the bed and told Aaron to bring the boy’s legs up towards his chest. The trustee picked up a long rod and squeezed some KY jelly on the tip and turned on the monitor. “Watch the screen,” the trustee said. He waved the rod around and pointed it at Aaron. Aaron saw himself on the screen. Conner saw it too. “Wow Aaron, you’re on television.”
The trustee chuckled and reached around Conner and opened his buttocks. The smile faded from his face and he put down the rod. Aaron didn’t like the look on the trustee’s face. “Doc,” the trustee called out. At the same time, another trustee called out to Doc. Doc bent over and adjusted his glasses. “God damned fools,” Doc said and stood up. He came over to the side of the bed and turned Conner around and lifted him up. He looked down at Aaron, and said to the boy, “I need to put some medicine on him, He’ll be right back.” As Doc moved away from the gurney, he looked over to the trustee who also called him. “Him too?” The trustee nodded. “Bring him,” said Doc.
“Anybody else?” Doc called out. There was silence from the other trustees. Aaron watched the two boys being carried through the door that Michael went though.
“Come on pal, this won’t hurt you,” the trustee said to Aaron. The boy got up on the gurney and laid down like he was told to. Aaron watched as the television blinked on again and felt a cold tube sliding into his bottom. Unlike the cavity searches he was used to, this penetration didn’t hurt. To Aaron it felt like he was passing a small bowel movement. Aaron watched the TV while the trustee told him what he was looking at. Aaron had never seen anything like it before, it looked like a very red tunnel made out of raw steak. After about 10 seconds, Aaron didn’t want to see anymore, he closed his eyes. The exam took less than a minute and the tube was withdrawn. The trustee wiped Aaron’s anus with a diaper wipe and put some cool medicine on it. “You’re a very good boy, you’re done and everything’s fine,” said the trustee.
Aaron sat up on the gurney and asked the trustee where Conner was taken and why. “Your friend is in the medical ward and will be back in a short time.” “But why is he there?” Aaron wanted know. “Doc can tell you that, I can’t.” Aaron got off the gurney and stood where he could watch the door. While standing there, 3 more trustees picked up boys off the gurneys and walked with them through the door. There were now 5 boys in the room with Conner and Conner still hadn’t come back. Aaron was beginning to lose it. He was breathing very slowly and shallow, big breaths didn’t allow Aaron to control the flow or tears and that was the last thing he wanted to start doing. A trustee came over to Aaron and saying nothing picked him up and held him tightly. Aaron lost it again and this time, in front of all the other boys. He didn’t really care.
About five minutes later, Aaron felt a tapping on his back, “Why are you crying Aaron?” Aaron turned around; Conner was standing there in a diaper. The boy didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He turned around in the trustee’s lap and reached out for Conner. The two boys hugged each other.
Aaron didn’t know why he was so attached to Conner, he just knew that the little boy became the most important thing in his life and he had to try to protect him. “Look Aaron, Bugs Bunny!” said Conner who let go of Aaron and backed up to show him his new pants. The diaper was full of Looney Tunes characters. Conner was ecstatic. One by one the boys who were taken into the ward returned with Looney Tunes on. One of the boys was 12. He wasn’t nutty about wearing a diaper, but it beat the shit out of running around naked as far as he was concerned. All five boys had rectal tears, Conner’s; at just shy of a quarter of an inch, was the largest. Their exam would wait until after they healed and they would wear diapers until then as well.
“I saw Alex Aaron, I saw Alex!” Conner said to his friend. Alex? Where did Conner see Alex? Aaron hadn’t seen him since the day before when the COs took him away! Aaron almost forgot about Alex. In jail, one day someone was there, and the next day they were gone. Most of the time, you didn’t even get to say “Goodbye,” they just disappeared. “What are you talking about Conner, where did you see Alex?” Aaron said to Conner. “He’s sleeping in a bed in there Aaron, and he has pajamas and underpants on!” said Conner. “Really?” replied Aaron. Conner nodded his head.
By this time, Michael and Doc were both coming through the door. Never in Aaron’s history had he initiated an approach to either a guard or a trustee, they were both to be avoided at all cost; but Aaron needed to find out how Alex was. In the Albany County Jail, they pretty much stuck together. Sometimes it meant that they were left alone, sometimes it meant that they would both be down on their knees together but at least they had each other. “Please sir, my friend Alex, is he OK? Can I see him?” Aaron asked Doc. Michael turned to Doc. “These three boys just came in from Albany. Klein sent them through Danamora for a joke.” Doc took off his glasses to clear his eyes from the day’s work. “Whose boys are these Michael?” Doc asked. “Mine,” said Michael. “Then it’s your call,” Doc said and returned to the rest of the boys who were finishing up their exams.
Aaron figured he had been rejected by Doc. After all, he walked away. Michael looked at Aaron who was watching Doc walk away. Reaching down, he took Conner by the hand. “I will take you to Alex, but he is asleep and he won’t wake up for you. Doc is taking care of him and Doc is the best doctor around,” Michael told Aaron. Michael reached for the door and pulled it open as Aaron and Conner followed.
Walking into the ward, Aaron was looking at two rows of beds with about 12 beds in them. Some of the beds were empty, but there were about 8 beds with boys either sleeping or sitting up reading comics or watching TV. Aaron wished he could be one of those boys, they all had either hospital gowns on or pajamas. Aaron could see that some of them even had underwear on under their pajamas!
Michael took Aaron and Conner to the end of the ward and there, behind drawn curtains Aaron saw Alex laying there in the bed. Alex was laying flat on the bed with no pillow under his head and had a big bandage wrapped around his head that covered his left ear; the one the guard smacked two days earlier. Coming from the bottom of the bandaged ear was a tube that went down the side of the bed and then went under it. Alex had one more tube in him; it came from his right wrist to a tube that came from a bottle over Alex’s bed. It dripped a clear liquid into the tube and a machine that kept making beeping sounds.
Aaron didn’t really know what he was looking at. He got next to Alex and watched him sleeping. “Is, is he going to be OK Michael?” Aaron asked. “Alex has a very bad infection and he’s asleep because of the medicine that is trying to stop the infection,” Michael said to both boys. “It’s going to take a little time to work, so he needs to sleep as much as he can.” “Is he going to die?” Aaron asked.
Michael made it a personal policy to never lie to the boys in his care. He knew that they had a lifetime of lies and bullshit and he wanted no part of it. He always chose his words very carefully when it came to the boys. False hope was worse than the truth. Michael rarely shed tears; he had been in the system way too long for that to happen. “We don’t know,” Michael said and needed to adjust some curtains on the bed next door.
Conner was on the other side of the bed from Aaron. His hand rubbed slowly across Alex’s stomach. Alex’s breathing was constant, but very slow. Conner leaned forward and pushed up Alex’s pajama top uncovering his belly button. He kissed Alex on the tummy. “He’s very hot!” Conner said. “We need to let him sleep,” Michael said to both boys and took Conner by the hand.
Aaron looked down at Alex. He didn’t exactly know why, but he bent down and kissed Alex. Michael needed to get the fuck out of there real fast. They returned to the group and Michael told a group of trustees to take the boys to the unit to wash up and prepare for lunch. The boys filed out as Michael sank into a chair racked with emotions that he wanted no part of. Michael was emotionally burning out like a Roman candle. He was slipping really fast and he knew it.
Doc didn’t say anything, he watched the exchange from his desk and took out a pad and did some writing. He handed the sheet of paper he had been writing on to one of his assistants and got up and walked over to Michael and sat down in the chair beside him. Neither man said anything to each other. They had been together now for over 8 years and knew each others moods very well. The assistant came back with a glass of water and two pills and handed them to Doc. “The boys will be fine for this afternoon and you’ll be back with them by dinner. Take these and go lie down on a bed in the ward Michael, It’s mandatory,” Doc said to his friend.
By invoking the phrase “It’s mandatory” Doc knew that Michael would cease any objections to his being put down. Even the smallest and youngest boy in the unit knew that “It’s mandatory” stopped any and all argument from a prisoner, it was going to happen and that was the end of it. “Rules” could be bent, mandatory was set in concrete. Michael took the pills from Doc’s hand and took the water. The trustee who brought the pills to him helped him get up out of the chair and Michael laid down in the bed next to Alex. Once again, Michael made an error in judgment; he cared and was paying the price for it.
Doc was making preparations. He called a meeting with his assistants to discuss Alex. If the fever ran out of control, Alex would die. At 104.5 Alex’s temperature was critically high. At that temperature, his brains were cooking and he could go into convulsions and die. “Let’s start ice packs and alcohol wraps on the patient. We have to get his body temperature down. Monitor him constantly, if the fever rises to 105 we will need to get him into an ice bath. If it goes to 105.5 we’ll start ice water enemas. If it rises to 106 for more than 2 or 3 hours, we’ve lost him. He won’t have a mind if he lives,” Doc told his team. “I will expect that everything we’re going to need will be within 15 feet of that boy stat.” Doc was pessimistic that he could save Alex. His chief worry was that the boy wasn’t putting up a fight; he was allowing himself to die.
“Monitor the rectal tears for the next three days. We’re not out of the woods as far as a sepsis is concerned” Doc reminded his crew. “Make sure the caretakers have the necessary tools: ointment, diapers and suppositories. I want temperature readings on every one of them every 3 hours for the next 24. If we’ve got any problems, that’s where it will show up first.” Doc’s assistants nodded and prepared to follow his orders. Doc knew they were competent, and would follow his directions to the letter. Doc needed to lay down and rest. At 63 years old, he had been treating children now for almost 40 years. The possibility of losing a child always took a heavy toll on him. “If the patient spikes, you will call me immediately,” Doc reminded his team and left for his room next to the ward.
DOC’S STORY
Closing the door to his room behind him, Doc sat back in his chair and closed his eyes. This was his 10th year of a 5 to 15 year sentence he received for possession of child pornography. For over 27 years Doc had an extremely successful career as a pediatrician. During those years, not once did Doc ever inappropriately touch a child, but he was drawn to the beauty of them.
In children’s bodies he saw a purity and innocence that drew him like a moth to a flame. He absolutely hated the affliction. If there was a piece of his brain that could be cut out to rid him of his thoughts, he would have put the scalpel to it himself. His only release short of actually touching them he found in magazines and pictures. His collection started in Holland on vacation there. Spring cleaning one day his wife found a box in his closet and Doc’s former life and marriage disintegrated.
Doc was sentenced to prison for looking at pictures of naked children. There were no pictures that were sexually explicit, they were pictures from nudist magazines, but they showed children’s vaginas and penises. Every judge and prosecutor knew that if a person viewed a child’s naked body, they were a sexual predator waiting for the opportunity to fuck kids’ brains out.
As with all sentences allotted to prisoners in the State of New York to first time offenders, the sentence of 5 to 15 years was split into thirds. He had to spend a minimum of 5 years behind bars. At the end of the 5 years, he was eligible for parole and would be on parole for the next 10 years. If he did not make parole, or chose not to accept it, he would be released under supervision of the probation department after 10 years. Unless he refused probation and then he would serve the full 15 year sentence.
Doc learned what every other person who was convicted of “sex crimes” knew in very short order. Officially the sentence ended after 15 years maximum. In reality, that conviction brought a lifetime sentence of harassment and abuse by the authorities. The sentence never ends. It’s a scarlet letter. Doc refused parole after 5 years; he had absolutely nothing to gain by accepting it. 2 months earlier, Doc refused to accept “conditional release” at the 10 year mark. Again, why leave one prison for another; it didn’t make any sense to him. Doc had another 5 years to serve, in all probability he would decide what date his obituary was written on. He had absolutely no intentions of ever leaving prison standing up.
Doc and the trustees of Elmira were more fortunate than most “perverts” in prison and they knew it. They were part of a program developed by their jailors. There are many programs within the prison system designed to enhance the guards’ salaries, Elmira is just one of them. Doc was a very valuable asset to the program, he kept the children healthy and away from outside contact with people who might ask questions that none of the guards wanted answered.
Now with the present situation concerning the 12 year old Alex, Doc was deeply depressed about not being able to hold the perpetrator responsible. The man belonged on the other side of the fence but Doc knew that would never happen.
There was no way that the guards who controlled Doc were going to bring the incident to light, it could bring down a spotlight even bigger than the one created by the guards at Fishkill when Donna Payant was killed by Lemual Smith and the entire program almost unraveled because of the ensuing investigation. Spotlights were out. The guard could kill or maim children with complete immunity and there was nothing Doc could do about it.
Doc heard the bell go off for chow, and decided he would join the children who were now gathering in the mess hall for lunch. The new children had a full day ahead of them, they would be receiving their identification cards, have their fingerprints and photo’s taken, have their teeth and chest x-rayed, vision, and hearing tested and that would all have to be done by 5:00; it was going to be a full afternoon for everyone, and then there was Alex and another boy on the ward with appendicitis.
The new boys were returned to the units they had slept in the night before and once again, the doors locked behind them as they entered. Aaron walked back in with Conner, holding Conner’s hand on the journey. Once back in the unit, Aaron looked at Conner’s diaper with envy. Even though all the other boys were also naked except for the ones now in diapers, Aaron wasn’t used to walking around stark naked. If he had access to a diaper, he would have put it on in a flash. One week earlier, he wouldn’t have considered it. However, there were no options, what was the use of even bothering to think about it. His dick was out for public display; fuck it he thought to himself.
Conner opened the refrigerator and let out a yell. There was juice and fruit, cookies and milk that wasn’t there when they left in the morning. The boys were starved due to the fact that most, if not all of breakfast was blasted out of them during evacuation and all four sat down at the table pouring glass after glass of milk and eating handfuls of cookies. When they were done, they moved over to the couch and turned on the TV. Conner scooted up onto Aaron’s lap which didn’t bother Aaron all that much, he was getting to like taking care of someone else, and besides, if Conner sat in his lap, he in effect did have a diaper on!
The boys heard the bell ring for lunch and turned off the TV and stood by the door. They knew it would be opening. When it did, the trustee looked inside and saw the remnants of the cookies and milk. “I hope you saved some room for your lunch!” he said to the boys and turned around with the boys following.
Unlike the initial entrance of the new boys into the mess hall, the noise level of the boys talking inside stayed constant. Very few boys turned to look at the new ones now coming in except for the boys who were naked who did take note of the five boys in diapers. They undoubtedly knew why the new boys had them on and there was no display of ridicule or laughter from them that would have occurred amongst a “normal” group of children. If anything, the looks they had on their faces showed empathy and compassion for the boys in the diapers. More than a few of them undoubtedly were wearing diapers in the not too distant past themselves and knew what was appropriate behavior on their parts.
Lunch that day was the largest and best meal any of the new boys had received in months. This meal was the first that they would receive that left behind the jail food they were used to. Rice and beans were history along with miracle meat and moldy bread. From this point on, the boys would receive the same food that the guards ate: roasts, chops, chicken, fish, steaks and turkey. Lunch that day was cheeseburgers, fries and chocolate milk. Aaron began regretting he ate so much milk and cookies. Most of the boys thought they died and went to heaven. Conner knew he was in heaven. On this food, the boys would be able to sustain and grow healthy bodies.
That was vital to the program. The cost to feed one of the boys was 5 times the cost of a regular prisoner, but the guards considered it the cost of doing business. A healthy child was a happy child and a far more productive one. Besides: the guards didn’t have to pay for the food, the State footed the bill.
The new boys were still segregated from the older boys, but the boys were told that the segregation would end as of the next morning. Jimmy was the happiest to receive that news, he was the oldest one in the group, and there were several boys his age that he would rather be sitting with instead of the “babies” he was with now. He also assumed a couple of them were a little light in the loafers, and he didn’t want the other boys to assume he was too.
Following lunch the new boys were to remain in the mess hall for a meeting with the programs supervisor. Maybe some questions Aaron was constantly asking himself would be answered for him. He hoped so. Doc came into the mess hall and Conner saw him take a seat. Doc had treated Conner’s rectal tear just an hour earlier. And Conner wanted to join him, He scooted off Aaron’s lap and stood before the good doctor. Doc picked the boy up and sat him on his lap. Doc was back with the boys he loved, and for a few minutes he enjoyed his respite from the ward. Conner sat back with a belly sticking over his diaper and fell asleep within minutes. Doc sat back rubbing Conner’s stomach.
With the blowing of a whistle and the order of “Attention!” a man dressed in a suit and tie accompanied by several guards entered the room and all the boys were ordered to stand. He introduced himself and talked for about 20 minutes. Most of what he said, very few of the boys understood and needed it explained to them at a later time, but the gist of his speech was that his name was Mr. Holmberg and he was in charge of the special unit they were in. He told them they had some schooling to complete, and if they were good little boys, they would not have a problem. If they took the “wrong path” they would very deeply regret it. The boys were told that from that point on, they would be under the direct supervision of the caretakers, and that the guards would see to it that they were “meeting expectations”, but they were administrators not child care workers so the boys would be seeing less of them unless discipline required otherwise. Aaron wasn’t exactly sure what he was hearing! Was he saying the guards wouldn’t be around them that much? Was this fucking Christmas? Mr. Holmberg then left and the guards followed him out. The boys were now alone with no one except trustees, 3 of them.
An older trustee stood up and walked in front of the boys. He introduced himself and then he introduced the other two trustees. He told the boys that he was known as “Gramps” and that the other trustee’s names were Peter and Coach. He wasn’t yelling, screaming or scowling at the boys, he was actually talking to them as though they were real people. Aaron was thunderstruck. Was this a trick? Did he have a stick being held behind his back that he was going to bring out and whack the shit out of them with? Aaron wasn’t really sure. Gramps continued. “Boys, the guard’s job was to get your attention and demonstrate to you what could happen. They don’t play games, and you could find yourselves seriously hurt if you don’t follow directions very carefully.” All of the boys knew that that was no load of bullshit! It was exactly the way they knew it to be. Gramps continued “Michael is the team leader of this group, we answer to him. He will be back just before dinner and will take charge of his group.”
“Your caretakers will not harm or hurt you, but they will report any problems that can’t be solved amongst ourselves. Your caretakers are inmates. I’m an inmate. You’ll be split into 4 groups. We will live together for the next three months. We’ve got a big job ahead of us. Let’s make it as smooth as we possibly can for everyone.” Aaron felt like clapping.
Gramps then rattled off the names (not the numbers) of each boy and assigned him to a caretaker. Aaron, Conner, Jimmy and Mark would go with Michael. Aaron was particularly happy to be going with Michael. To Aaron, he was one of the more gentle trustees, and he was the boss of all the caretakers. That was pretty important stuff in jail Aaron knew.
The boys followed the caretakers down many corridors and eventually came to a section that would be their new “home” for the next 3 months. Gramps stood by the door and turned around looking at the boys. “Gentleman, you’re not in Kansas anymore!” With that he opened the door and the boys filed in.
There were 4 dorms in their section, each with it’s own area of two bedrooms. The center of the unit had a large common area and a large bathroom with showers and toilets. It also had a small kitchenette and laundry room. Aaron wondered why the place had a laundry room. All the kids had no clothes on so why bother?
After the last 4 months, it looked like a sterile paradise to Aaron but it was paradise. The beds had mattresses and blankets, pillows and sheets. The common area had couches and a TV. There was a water cooler in the kitchenette and it actually had water in it. The bathrooms had towels and toilet paper. The showers had soap and shampoo. It was Christmas for Aaron and the other boys, all 19 of them. Gramps allowed the boys to look around, and then gathered his group into his room. All the other caretakers took their boys into their rooms and their education began. Michael was still not there and Aaron’s group had a substitute caretaker who Aaron recognized as one of Doc’s assistants. “Michael will be joining you again just before dinner. This afternoon we have a full schedule of things we have to do, so take some time to look around, we’ll be leaving in about 15 minutes.” Aaron and the boys went exploring.
The dorm they would be calling “home” had two bedrooms. The first bedroom had two large beds in it. The second bedroom was much larger and had a king sized bed, dresser, TV and some chairs in it. This room was Michael’s Aaron assumed because the room had pictures of Michael with groups of boys in them, a lot of pictures. Aaron studied the pictures. All the boys were naked like they were and all the boys looked really happy. Aaron wondered why? Aaron also noticed that in most of the pictures, Michael was also naked. After 4 months in jail, Aaron had seen more than a few naked men, and most of them had a body that Aaron wouldn’t consider too appealing to look at if he wasn’t being forced to. To Aaron, Michael certainly wasn’t a boy, but he wasn’t a hairy ape either. His penis was certainly the size of a grown man, but the rest of him was more boyish looking than he had seen previously. Michael’s naked body didn’t scare or repulse him as was normally the case. He wondered why? Aaron studied the boys’ faces in the pictures. He searched for any signs that indicated that the boys were not happy, didn’t want to be there, were afraid or withdrawn. Except for the fact that they were naked, they all looked like they were taking a group picture at Disneyworld! Not one boy in the pictures made any attempt to cover their genitals. To the contrary a few seemed to have boners! Aaron curiosity grew by the minute and he wanted to find the answers to the questions he had piling into his mind.
The door to Michael’s room reopened and the trustee told the boys to go to the bathroom and then it would be time to return to the infirmary. Doc came into the dorm with Conner still in his arms and still sound asleep. “I’ll travel with you back to the infirmary,” said Doc,“just give me a minute to change my little friend here.” Doc put Conner on Michael’s bed and took off his diaper. He took out a fresh one from a drawer along with some ointment and cream and a box of baby wipes and cleaned off Connor’s front and then lifted his leg. Aaron and the rest of the boys saw for the first time the damage done to him at Danamora. The tear was big enough to need stitches to close it, but because Doc didn’t get to Conner until almost 24 hours after the injury, it was too late for stitches. The boy’s anus was all red and swollen. After cleaning his rectum, Doc took Conner’s temperature and then put a suppository up his rectum, some ointment on and then put the new diaper back on him. Conner never moved. “Why did you stick a pill up his butt?” Jimmy asked Doc. “It wasn’t a pill Jimmy; it was medicine to bring down the swelling and make his rectum feel better,” Doc told the boy. “You know my name?” Jimmy asked Doc. Doc smiled at the boy, “I know each and every one of you very very well.” Jimmy said nothing, but he was impressed.
Doc picked Conner back up off Michael’s bed and brought him back to the carrying position. Conner’s head rested sideways on Doc’s shoulder. It must be nice, Aaron thought to himself watching the sleeping little boy who looked like he didn’t have a care in the world.
The day ended with all the boys finished with their tests by 5:00 and it was time for them to return to the dorm and prepare for dinner. Aaron, Conner, Jimmy and Mark were the last to finish, and they awaited only Michael’s return to lead them. From that point on, Michael and the trustees were in charge, and Aaron was beginning to look forward to it. |
Title: 8Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Tags: Fantasy, Fan fiction
Content:
Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Chapter Eight
Disclamer: Not mine, I own nothing. I'm not making any money
WARNING: Harsh Language, adult themes, sexual situations (i.e. smut), bad spelling and grammar.
Author's Notes: This story is a broad farce with over the top humor (a good deal of it is crude and sexual) and OOC actions (that's Out Of Character if you don't know). Also, this is my first smut-ish fic. If you don't like sex and sex-based humor, do NOT read this!
Chapter Eight Summary: Harry goes on the ride of his life!
Harry slowly turned to face Ron. The rage and anger Harry was feeling was about to be unloaded upon his taller friend. But before he could unleash his fury, one of the witches who had gotten off of the Knight Bus spoke up.
"Would you lot budge up or get out of the queue," the witch demanded. "My kids have been waiting for this for months."
Harry was quite surprised to find that he, Hermione, and Ron had somehow wandered into the line of customers waiting to enter Godric's Hollow. He was even more surprised to see that Ron was already at the ticket window.
"Excuse me, my friend over there is Harry Potter," Ron said to the wizard behind the counter. "So what kind of discount do we get?"
"Let me check with my supervisor, governor," the old wizard replied in an obviously bored tone. He leaned back in his chair and without taking his bleary eyes off of Ron and shouted over his shoulder to someone behind him. "Oi, Brian, we've got another one claimin' to be 'The Boy Who Lived' and wanting a discount."
"What's the count up to today, Curt?" a disembodied voice echoed from behind the wizard in the ticket window.
"Eighth one today," Curt, the ticket salesman responded. "That's four up from yesterday."
"If this keeps up, we'll break the record for most 'Harry Potter Sightings' in one day," Brian commented.
"But this really is Harry Potter!" argued Ron. "Look at his scar!"
Harry felt the desire to physically harm Ron as Curt leaned out of his booth and examined Harry's infamous scar.
"Bit small innit?" remarked Curt. "The last "Harry Potter" had a much bigger one. And it flashed a green light every now and then. That was impressive!"
"Would you just pay for the tickets so the rest of us can move along!" the witch with three children demanded. "We don't have all day!"
"Fine then, how much for three?" Ron asked grumpily as he dug into his pockets.
"Nine knuts," Curt replied mirthlessly.
"Excuse me, who runs this... this place," Hermione demanded as she gestured to the warehouse.
"Mr. Joseph Middwood," Curt answered. The name struck a cord with Harry, but he couldn't place it. Harry hoped that Remus would know who this Middwood was and could tell him something about the man.
"I demand to speak with him this instant," commanded Hermione.
"That's fine miss," Curt replied. "He's up in the gift shop."
"How do we get there?" asked Hermione.
"The only way to the gift shop is through the ride."
"You must be joking!" Hermione stated shrilly.
"Nope," Curt said with a smile. "You'll still have to pay for the ride."
"Here," grumbled Ron as he gave Curt nine knuts, a sweet wrapper, a bit of string, and some pocket lint. Apparently, Ron was so upset over not getting a discount that he had just grabbed whatever happened to be in his pocket. Luckily it was the exact amount needed for three adult tickets - plus a sweet wrapper, a bit of string, and some pocket lint.
Ron grumbled some more as he sulked through the entranceway and Harry and Hermione silently followed.
"C'mon you two," Ron hollered from down the hall, "the ride's this way!"
The trio began to walk down a brightly lit hallway adorned with multiple magical posters.
"I don't see why you're so excited about this ride, Ron," said Hermione.
The first poster that caught Harry's eye was that of a young baby, maybe a year or so old. It took him a moment to realize that it was actually a photo of himself. He was slightly embarrassed at the fact that baby Harry was blowing spit bubbles at the person who had taken the picture. A title scrolled across the bottom of the poster that stated "The Boy Who Lived!"
A poster to his left showed the handsome visage of his father, James. James was smiling and winking in the poster while words scrolled at the bottom of the picture announced, "James Potter; father of The Boy Who Lived".
"Why not?" replied Ron to Hermione's question. "I know it's a little lame, but it's still fun!"
Another poster showed Lily, Harry's mother, smiling sweetly with the scrolling words: "Lily Potter, mother of The Boy Who Lived". Harry felt his eyes begin to well up.
"FUN!" barked Hermione. "These people are making a mockery of Harry's pain and you think its 'fun'?"
"What d'you mean a mockery -?" Ron asked and stopped as he finally noticed the tears in Harry's eyes. Ron looked nervously between Harry and a nearby poster that show a jubilant James and Lily looking at a black-haired baby attempting to walk on his own. "Oh, crap Harry," Ron mumbled in a guilty way. "I didn't realize..."
"Let's just get this over with," Harry said softly with a mixture of sadness and anger in his voice.
The next poster that caught Harry's eye was that of a menacing figure completely shrouded within a black robe as the phrase "The most feared Dark Lord in our time!" scrolled across the bottom.
Harry shook his head in disbelief and passed through a doorway and entered a large room with a number of wooden carts on several tracks. The tracks all led out of the room through a large set of double doors. A wizard wearing a pointy hat with the words "Ride the Hollow!" embroidered on it ushered Harry, Hermione, and Ron into the front of one of the carts. A family of three took up the row behind them.
A disembodied booming male voice emanated from somewhere above the cart.
"/Join us as we use the magical Time Turner to travel back to that fateful day.../"
An obviously phony Time Turner attached to the front of the cart started spinning before their eyes.
"That's not a real Time Turner, ya know," informed Ron like it wasn't obvious and he needed to point it out.
The cart lurched forward as the double doors slowly opened and the cart moved into the blackness. After a moment in the darkness, the cart and its passengers emerged into a bright and sunny field.
"/Watch as the Potter family goes about their daily routine,/" the booming male voice stated as the cart approached a group of people outside the house.
Harry could see two adult figures, a man and a woman, standing in the garden in front of that house. One could tell that these people were magical representations by the way they moved. They way they moved their legs and arms were too jerky and unnatural. They were clearly poorly animated mannequins. As the cart got closer, the woman stiltedly bent down and picked up a small child.
"Let me have him, love," the man said and the woman carefully handed him the child. "Does Harry want to play with his daddy?"
"Do be careful James," the woman chastised.
Harry felt as if he was hit hard in the stomach and all the wind was knocked out of him.
It was his mother and father.
The fake James tossed the fake Harry up into the air and the baby giggled uproariously.
Even though he could tell that the way the mannequins' were fakes by their stuttering movement, whoever had created this charade had gotten his parents' voices and likenesses down perfectly. Seeing and hearing these reproductions cut through Harry like a knife.
The fake baby reached its chubby little arms out to its fake mother and Harry's eyes blurred. He failed in his attempt to swallow the large lump that had grown in his throat as the tears spilled form his eyes.
Hermione let out a soft sob as the fake Lilly took her fake baby into her arms and playfully placed tiny kisses over its face. Harry cradled Hermione to his chest as tears ran down his own face. He could tell without looking that Ron was hanging his head in regret at the thought of ever enjoying such a travesty of his friend's life.
The fake Potter family strolled into the house and the announcer's voice sounded again.
"/But the Potters' did not know of the terrible fate that awaited them.../" the disembodied voice warned.
The sunny sky over Harry's head quickly darkened. Lightning flashed and thunder boomed as the cart entered the garden.
"/You too shall share their fates this night!/" The booming voice cackled.
The little girl sitting behind Harry turned to her father and said something that must have been terribly important to her.
"I love you, Daddy," the girl whispered in fear, as if she was positive she was doomed and she wanted to make sure her father knew how much she cared for him before she died.
With a flash of lightning, an ominous figure appeared in front of the cart. The family behind Harry let out a terrified scream as the figure revealed his deeply tanned face to them. Harry could tell from their screams that the girl and her brother were truly terrified, but the father was just playing along.
"IT'S HIM!" the girl screeched.
Harry was surprised when a scoffing noise escaped his lips upon the sight of "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named". Harry bitterly realized that while whoever had created this atrocity had numerous photos of James, Lily, and baby Harry to base their mannequins off of, but they hadn't even a vague notion of what Voldemort looked like. The effect was comical to Harry; this Voldemort was just a standard male mannequin that would have normally adorn a shop window. The only modification that Harry could see was that the mannequin had red eyes.
"Do you mind?" the father stated, taking offence at Harry's scoff.
The fake Voldemort made his way to the front door of the house and the cart followed him. The mannequin pointed his wand at the door.
"They've got the wand wrong," Harry bitterly muttered. "Along with how he looks as well."
"And how would you know?" the father asked.
Harry turned in his seat and looked at the man while holding up his fringe to expose his famous scar.
"Oooo," the father said with insincere awe. "It's the bloke who wanted a free ticket because he's /'Harry Potter'/. Just because you had to pay like the rest of us 'cuz your scam didn't work doesn't mean you have to ruin it for everybody."
Harry was about to put the wizard in his place when the Voldemort-mannequin shouted "REDUCTO!"
Red sparks erupted from his wand just as that door and a portion of the wall surrounding it were "blown" to bits. Of course the hole in the wall had just happened to be wide enough for the cart to pass through.
The cart followed the Voldemort-mannequin into the house.
"Lilly, get Harry out of here!" the fake James shouted and he fired off a number of brightly colored sparks out of his wand. The family behind Harry let out a surprised yelp as one of the sparks soared over their heads and exploded against the wall.
The Lily-mannequin dashed up the stairs with the fake child in her arms. James continued to fire off sparks as he too made his way to the stairs.
"This is futile, Potter," the mannequin Voldemort hissed. Harry noted another mistake that the ride makers had made, this Voldemort's voice was low and rumbling instead of high and cold. "Accept your fate and surrender."
The fake James slowly walked backwards up the stairs with his wand held in front of him defensively. Voldemort-mannequin cackled while walking up the stairs after his prey and the cart followed him.
Sparks continued to shoot out of the fake-James' wand and continued to completely missing the Voldemort-mannequin. Blue, red, yellow, and purple sparks rocked overhead and the family behind the trio let out another scream.
"Boy, that James bloke couldn't aim worth a darn could he, kids?" the father asked rhetorically as another barrage of sparks flew past Voldemort and over the cart.
"This ends now, Blood-Traitor!" Voldemort said mirthlessly and then shouted "AVADA KEDAVRA!"
The magical copy of James slumped to the floor and the fake-Voldemort stepped over his body. As the cart passed "the body," the wizard sitting behind Harry said jokingly to his children "I guess he should've ducked, huh?"
Harry was suddenly enraged. Not only did this ride make a mockery of his parents, it led other people to openly treat them with contempt as well.
"REDUCTO!" the fake-Voldemort shout again once he had reached the top of the stairs. Another cart sized hole was blown into the wall and the fake-Voldemort walked over the rubble to enter the nursery.
"I'll make you pay for that, you fiend!" the mannequin Lilly screamed and shot off a series of Stunners at the fake-Voldemort who nonchalantly blocked them.
"This is pointless, woman," the fake-Voldemort said in a bored tone.
"I won't let you hurt my baby!" Lily said defiantly as she stood in front of the crib.
'This isn't how it happened!' Harry thought piercingly. Then again, the only two people alive who were there, he and Voldemort, didn't have much say in how the ride was made.
"And how will you stop me?" chuckled Voldemort. "AVADA KEDAVRA!"
With a flash of green light, the mannequin of Lily crumpled to the floor. Silently, Voldemort stalked over to the crib and pointed his wand at the baby inside. Once more, Voldemort shouted "AVADA KEDAVRA!"
The fake Voldemort recoiled from the crib as a bright white light emanated from it.
"What is this?" he demanded as the fake baby Harry began to levitate out of the crib. The toddler was throwing off the bright light that had made Voldemort flinch. Then suddenly, an even brighter light - almost blinding light - flashed out of the baby's head like a lightning bolt and struck Voldemort. The villain screamed in pain and vanished in a puff of smoke.
The family behind Harry cheered triumphantly as the cart move toward the wall next to the crib and the hovering baby Harry (who was still glowing). A large double door suddenly appeared and opened in the wall and the cart passed through.
The cart and its passengers entered a crowded gift shop. Harry's eyes were drawn to the back wall which was covered with various pullovers with different slogans printed on them, including "James couldn't hit the broadside of an Acromantula", "I rode shotgun with You Know Who"/, and /"I think glowing Harry is adorable"/. Another wall housed numerous books with titles like, "/The Riddle of Harry and the Dark Lord/, by Jim Lillian", "/Lily and Her Acceptance of Fate/, by A. R. YaLing" and "/Aiming Tips or How not to miss like James Potter by Gregory Youdle."
But the thing that shocked Harry the most was a large barrel located next to the checkout. The barrel was overflowing with small figurines of glowing babies. Glowing baby Harry's that is.
"Daddydaddydadddy" the older child behind Harry squealed. "Can I have another glowing baby Harry?"
"You already have dozens love," the father said as he stood up and began to walk out of the cart. Harry and his friends however, were still sitting in the cart in various stages of shock and embarrassment.
"Please daddy," the boy whined, "just one more."
"All right, just one more," the father said while making his way toward the books.
"Sorry folks," a pimply faced wizard said breaking Harry out of his stupor. "But you'll need to exit the magical transport now." He stressed the phrase "magical transport" as if he was trained to do so and that if he didn't refer to the cart as such, he would face disciplinary action.
Gloomily, the trio exited the cart.
"Excuse me, where may I find Mr. Middwood?" Hermione asked the pimply wizard.
"Oh, he's over there by the books," informed the wizard.
Harry saw the wizard who had been seated behind them on the cart approach the identified manager, a grey haired wizard in expensive looking silk robes.
"Mr. Middwood, smashing to see you again," greeted the father.
"Ah, Mr. Cummings, my favorite customer," heralded Middwood as he took the other man's hand in greeting. "What's this, your fourth time on the ride this year?"
"Fifth, actually, but it's the first for my youngest here" corrected Mr. Cummings. "She'd been dreaming of the day she was finally tall enough for the ride. Personally, I can't wait 'til you add the graveyard scene for You Know Who's resurrection."
"Oh, yes," Middwood replied proudly. "I have to tell you that the Death Eaters look quite frightening."
Unconsciously, Harry stomped over to the two men. Harry was going to vent all of his anger upon Middwood. Behind him he could hear an explosion coming from the ride. Apparently, the ride had restarted and the next cart was making its way through the house. Judging by his ride, Harry believed that the fake Voldemort must've just blown up the front door of the house.
"I can't wait to see that!" exclaimed Mr. Cummings.
"It will be quite exciting," Middwood declared.
"Are you Joseph Middwood?" Harry asked after he reached the two men.
Without turning around, Muddwood replied "Yes, I am."
"What have you done to my parents' house?" demanded Harry.
"Not another one," Middwood muttered. Mr. Cummings rolled his eyes in annoyance as Middwood turned to face Harry. "Listen here, I'm not gonna share my profits with some bloke who claims to be Harry Po-" Middwood froze as he locked eyes with Harry. "Oh bloody hell..."
"What have you done with my parents' house?" repeated Harry.
"I... um...err..." Middwood stammered opening and closing his mouth like a fish. "H-hel-h-hello Harry, l-long time no see," he finished nervously.
"What have you done with my parents' house?" repeated Harry, anger apparent on his face. Another explosion erupted from somewhere in the ride, apparently, Voldemort had just entered the nursery.
"Well, it blew up... and I decided to rebuild it..." explained Middwood desperately hoping to calm the young wizard.
"Wait. Are you saying that this is actually Harry Potter?" asked Mr. Cummings in disbelief.
"Stuff it, ponce," Ron stated, joining the group.
"When I was in the process of rebuilding Godric's Hollow... some people started to stop by... they wanted a tour... they offered me money... I couldn't pass it up," Middwood continued.
Another blast emanated from the ride as Harry clenched his fists in rage.
"And you decided to make the death of Harry's parents a tourist attraction?" demanded Hermione.
"Well, not originally. But one thing led to another..." replied Middwood meekly.
With a boom, Harry heard the double doors leading into the gift shop open and smoke billowed into the room.
"That's odd, I don't remember any smoke," Hermione said to herself.
"Wow, you're right; those Death Eaters you made for the addition are scary," Mr. Cummings murmured while looking past Harry.
"Wha...? They're not completed yet," Middwood stated. As a group, Harry, Hermione and Ron turned toward the double doors leading from the nursery and saw a number of Death Eaters standing there. Harry was impressed, whereas there had been a large number of mistakes with Middwood's rendition of Voldemort, he was spot on with these Death Eaters.
Middwood pushed past Harry and walked up the group of mannequin Death Eaters. He quickly inspected the group before his eyes where drawn to the nursery, which was now in flames.
"What the hell happened to my ride?" Middwood exclaimed.
The Death Eater in the front turned its attention to upset wizard and asked in a cold and feminine voice: "So this atrocity is your doing?" She then raised her wand and pointed it at Middwood and shouted "CRUCIO!"
Middwood collapsed to the floor screaming. Before Harry could react, four more Death Eaters shouted "CRUCIO!" and four people in the shop, including Ron, fell to the floor screaming in agony. Harry froze temporarily as he saw his best friend writhe on the ground.
"Does wee-baby Potter not like seeing people get hurt?" the Death Eater in the front asked in an all too familiar sickly childish voice.
"Bellatrix," muttered Harry. He tried to quickly count how many Death Eaters - because these Death Eaters appeared to be real and not mannequins -he was up against but lost count after he had gotten to twenty.
However, Hermione - being the studious witch she was - hadn't lost count and announced to Harry: "There are thirty-eight of them."
The screaming stopped suddenly when Bellatrix signaled to her brethren.
"I felt complied to destroy that thing you had made!" Bellatrix said to the convulsing Middwood at her feet. "You should consider yourself lucky that the Dark Lord didn't know this was here. If he did know of this place... well... you would be begging for a quick death."
Bellatrix raised her attention to Harry and Hermione. "I heard something truly fascinating a few hours ago..." she began and paused as she noticed Ron who was trying to stand back up. "Ah... I recognize this one. He's one of your little friends who stopped us from retrieving the prophesy for our master."
The evil witch whipped her wand at Ron and shouted "CRUCIO!" once more. Ron screamed and crashed back to the floor.
"Stop it you bitch!" Harry shouted.
Lifting the curse, Bellatrix said "Such sweet words, flattery will get you nothing though."
Kneeling next to Ron, Hermione checked on his still form. "He's unconscious," she informed.
"Back to what I was saying," Bellatrix continued. "My master heard that wee-baby Potter's power has gone all /'wonky'/. And he decided to end this once and for all."
Slowly, all thirty-eight Death Eaters pointed their wands at Harry. (Some of the Death Eaters in the back had on to stand on their toes and did their best to aim in Harry's general direction, while some of the shorter ones where complaining that they couldn't see where he was. But you get the point.)
From her kneeling position, Hermione reached up and held Harry's left hand. Harry locked eyes with his girlfriend and Hermione mouthed the words "I love you" to him. With a sense of love and affection filling Harry's heart, he whipped out his wand and shouted "STUPEFY!"
Harry could see Bellatrix's eyes bulge as a huge red crescent-shaped arch erupted from Harry's wand and flew in her direction. Unfortunately for Harry, Bellatrix, along with seven of her fellow Death Eaters, had the common sense to duck as the super-charged Stunner came flying at them. A few of the others actually had quick enough reflexes to cast a Shield Charm, though it didn't do them any good.
The glowing red arch sliced through the remaining Death Eaters like a hot knife through butter. The few Death Eaters who had cast a Shield Charm seemed quite surprised when their Shields were shattered; that is they seemed to be quite surprised right before they were knocked unconscious.
It was at this point that the innocent - and not so innocent concerning Joseph Middwood - bystanders decided to leave the gift shop. Of course they weren't leaving in a calm and orderly fashion. No, they were running in every direction which caused some problems. Some of them thought it would be best to head straight to the exit while others thought it would be speedier to actually run through a solid wall. Still others believed that it was in everyone's best interest to run directly into another person attempting to flee while screaming "My God, my God, we're all going to die!"
"I thought he was supposed to be powerless," one of the Death Eaters complained as he dodged a pack of panicky bystanders.
"I'm going to kill that filthy elf!" Bellatrix shouted right before Mr. Cummings crashed into her, sending both of them to the floor.
There were too many people around for Harry to launch another Stunner; he was afraid his super-charged charm may actually harm an innocent. Either by causing them to fall, thereby injuring themselves, or by Stunning them with so much power that they could possibly suffer dire consequences, much like how McGonagall nearly died during his fifth year.
The Death Eaters had no such limitation. Six of the conscious Death Eaters began firing off various hexes and curses in Harry's general direction. Fortunately for Harry, none of the spells hit him; instead, many of the witches and wizards who were running around in a panic were struck. A dull grey bolt hit a witch who was running to the door causing her hair to catch fire. One wizard was struck with an orange flame and was flung painfully into a nearby wall.
Harry realized that even if he didn't try to stop the Death Eaters for fear of harming innocents, those same innocents were being harmed. He focused on his loving memories of Hermione and quickly knelt down and waved his wand a few inches over the floor before shouting the incantation for the Trip Jinx: "Lapso Accido!"
It was if everyone in the room - save for Harry and his friends - were tenpins and had been hit by some giant invisible bowling ball. They were all, Death Eaters and bystanders alike, flipped up into the air; the flipping action causing all of the various robes to fall around their shoulders and thereby exposing their undergarments. Harry's vision was assaulted by the sight of brightly colored bloomers and dull grey boxers as the airborne victims of his super-Tripping Jinx crashed back to the floor. Unfortunately, one Death Eater had apparently decided to go "commando" so to speak and not wear any unmentionables. And to Harry's horror, that Death Eater was Bellatrix Lestrange. Harry normally wouldn't be horrified at seeing a woman's naked groin, but besides going "commando"/, Bellatrix also apparently favored an extreme look as well. /"Au natural" didn't begin to cover it. The evil witch was unusually, nay ridiculously hairy and the sight made the bespectacled wizard gag.
The frightening scene reminded Harry of Sirius' disheveled and unkempt appearance the first time he saw godfather. Sirius' stay in Azkaban had left him in a state unfit for civilized society. But even a long (and extremely justified) internment in the hellish wizading prison could not explain Bellatrix's excessively hairy state. There was just so much hair, it couldn't be natural! It hung in long, matted tangles from her groin and it crept down her legs as if it was consuming her flesh.
Harry's terror filled mind scrambled trying to find an explanation for Bellatrix's shaggy muff. One potential explanation was that she was the victim of a very powerful Hair Growing Hex of some kind. Another, more terrifying reason that came to Harry's mind was that it was actually an overly furry creature that had attached itself to Bellatrix's bits in some sort of sickening symbiotic relationship.
This second possibility was given more credence in Harry's eyes when he saw one of the tangled locks that hung from her crotch begin to move. The hairy appendage seemed to undulate in a different and unique way; totally alien when compared to its fuzzy counterparts. The unique tangled... thing was moving as if it had a will of its own and was acting accordingly.
"I'm going to be ill," Hermione muttered as she too saw Bellatrix's overly shaggy bits. "A pack of flobberworms could nest in there it's so matted."
It was at this unfortunate time that Ron regained consciousness. "That's just not right," the red head groaned upon seeing Bellaxtrix's nakedness. "You could braid that mess, couldn't you?"
"My god," Hermione continued, the raw fear in her voice evident to everyone. "Are... are those bits of hay and straw sticking out?"
"More than likely," explained Harry, desperately trying not to acknowledge the image being forced into his nightmares. "I think... I think its hungry..."
Forcing the terrifying image of Bellatrix's "//Forbidden/ //Forest//"/ out of his mind, Harry knew he could now take care of the disorganized Death Eaters, but he had to make sure that no innocents got back up and into the line of fire again. So, in his best booming voice, Harry commanded: "EVERYBODY STAY DOWN!"
"Does that mean us, too?" Harry heard a Death Eater ask.
"NO, IT DOESN'T!" screamed Bellatrix while she stood and - thankfully - covered herself. "Kill Potter!"
Ron rolled onto his side and launched a Stunner at the Death Eater to Bellatrix's right and the masked fiend fell to the floor. With a swish of her wand, Hermione conjured a thick robe that wound itself around another villain. Taking his girlfriend's lead, Harry tapped into his love based magic again and attempted to conjure a thick rope that would bind another Death Eater. But Harry didn't conjure a rope that wrapped itself abound a bad guy; instead he conjured a chain and it wrapped itself around three Death Eaters. It wasn't a simple chain by any means either; it appeared to be the type of chain that is attached to an anchor for a cruise ship. Each link looked like it weighed as much as two men.
"Ooff," one of the bound Death Eaters moaned pitifully under Harry's chain. "This is really heavy..."
"Reducto!" screamed Bellatrix and the ground in front of Ron exploded. The blast sent Ron, Harry and Hermione into the air. Ron crashed into the wall and fell to the floor in a heap, Hermione landed behind the counter supporting the cash till, and Harry hit the wall of tasteless and tacky pullovers. When his body hit the wall, a majority of the novelty shirts were knocked off of their pegs and ended up burying him.
As Harry tried to dig himself out of the mountain of pullovers, he heard Bellatrix command her fellow Death Eaters to revive their fallen comrades. "Wake them up!" she barked.
The two Death Eaters quickly performed several Re-enervate Charms. As Harry poked his head out of the mountain of novelty shirts, he saw the Death Eater that Ron had Stunned stand up. He also saw Ron was unconscious, slumped against the far wall with blood seeping out of a gash on his forehead. Harry then saw that Hermione was using the check-out counter as a shield.
"Bellatrix, we can't Re-enervate the ones Potter Stunned," one of the Death Eaters informed their leader as another busied himself by banishing the ropes Hermione had conjured. Harry noted that they couldn't banish the chains that he had created.
"Damn that house-elf!" cursed Bellatrix. "He told us Potter was powerless!"
Harry wondered what she was talking about for a moment before the realization hit him. She had to be referring to Kreacher. Harry had told both Doby and Kreacher that his power had gone "all wonky" and that he couldn't conjure anything properly. 'But how would the little shite have been able to communicate to...' Harry thought, only to have his memory supply the answer. 'I told them to leave. Kreacher must've decided that the order meant for him to leave the castle. And of course the bastard would've immediately scurried off to his more favored masters and promptly told them that I was powerless.'
"I was going to give him his wish and chop off his head and mount it," Bellatrix continued to complain. "But for now, I'll make his life a living hell until I get what's rightfully mine; the Most Noble House of Black's ancestral home."
"Didn't you know that's my house now?" Harry shouted still half hidden under the pile of pullovers. He saw Bellatrix look around frantically trying to find him; apparently she hadn't seen where he landed. "Does it bother you that number twelve is now owned by a half-blood?" Harry continued to taunt. He could see the rage build up in Bellatrix's face. "Maybe I should live there."
"Yes, and does it bother you that the halfblood will be shagging his mudblood girlfriend there as well!" added Hermione. A well of hope and a touch of lust sprung up in Harry's heart at Hermione's statement. Even though she was taunting Bellatrix, Hermione had mentioned having sex with Harry! She had used rather crude language but as Harry had discovered earlier, he found "Dirty - Talking Hermione" a bit of a turn on.
"His girlfriend?" Harry heard of the masked Death Eater asked. "But I thought he was a poof and that he fancied Draco?"
Resolving to deal with the aftereffects of both that damned /Daily Prophet/ article and the traitorous house-elf later, Harry jumped out of the pile of pullovers and launched a super-Stunner at the five remaining Death Eaters. Regrettably for Harry, Bellatrix and the same two Death Eaters who had ducked his Stunner before ducked again. The recently revived and the recently unbound Death Eaters both muttered "oh, bugger," an instant before the red arch struck them in the chest, sending them both off to slumber-land.
"Disarm him now!" barked Bellatrix before Harry could launch another Stunner.
"Expelliarmus!" shouted Bellatrix and the two remaining Death Eaters in unison. Harry felt as if a bludger had hit his hand. Not only did his wand go flying out of his grasp, he also felt one of his fingers break as he was struck with three powerful Disarming Spells.
"Stupefy!" Hermione shouted and one of the Death Eaters collapsed to the floor. She dodged back behind the counter before Bellatrix and her remaining thug could counterattack.
"Don't bother with Walker," commanded Bellatrix, indicating the fallen Death Eater. "Kill the girl; I'll take care of Potter!"
While cradling his injured hand, Harry looked around desperately for his wand. He was of no help to anyone without it.
As the unknown Death Eater stalked toward the counter, Bellatrix pointed her wand at Harry and shouted: "Locomotor Mortis!"
Harry's legs locked together and he started to fall. He tried to lessen the fall by bracing his hands in front of him, but this only led to further injuring his broken finger. Harry suppressed a groan as saw his twisted digit which was already turning a nasty blue color.
"I'm going to enjoy watching wee baby Potter cry for his mama," Bellatrix taunted in her sickly baby voice. Harry looked past his tormentor and saw that the Death Eater was very close to where Hermione was hiding.
Hermione whipped herself from behind the counter and pushed the large barrel that contained hundreds of "/glowing/ baby Harry" figurines over, spilling its contents on the ground. Before the Death Eater could react, Hermione rapidly cast a series of Banishing Charms on the figurines, sending them at her attacker. The Death Eater cried out as dozens of "glowing baby Harry" figurines pelted his face and body.
"OW! OW! OW!" he cried as his white mask was shattered.
"Stop your whining and kill her!" Bellatrix ordered in an annoyed tone.
"But it hurts!" the Death Eater complained. He turned his head away from the onslaught of flying figurines and Harry saw that one of his eyes was already black and blood was dripping from his nose. The Death Eater cried out in agony and whipped his body around. Harry was quite taken back to see a figurine had been thoroughly shoved into the villain's ear. He desperately tried to pull the little plastic toy out of his ear canal as Hermione continued to send the figurines pelting into his back. Suddenly, the Death Eater screamed in utter pain, and began to hop around while clutching his backside. "OW! OW! OW!"
"What is the matter now?" demanded Bellatrix.
"It's in the ouchy area!" the Death Eater cried out while pointing frantically toward his bum. "GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!"
Thankfully for the Death Eater, the pain of having a small plastic toy forcibly shoved up his bum was replaced with the sweet oblivion that came to one when a large wooden barrel was smashed into his head. Apparently, Hermione had run out of "glowing baby Harry"'s so she decided to use the barrel that housed them as a projectile and Banished it at her attacker's head. As the Death Eater crumpled to the ground, Harry noticed that a good deal of his robes seemed to be wedged firmly in his arse.
Hermione quickly leveled her wand at Bellatrix but it was too late. "Expelliarmus!" shouted Bellatrix and Hermione's wand flew from her grasp. Hermione gasped as Bellatrix began to walk toward her. "I think I will play with you while wee baby Potter watches."
Harry frantically dragged himself across the floor. The villainess stood in front of Hermione and raised her wand so that it was pointing at the younger witch's heart. Harry tore at the ground, causing his broken finger to twist more, as he propelled himself at Bellatrix. He realized that without his wand he was powerless because he didn't know any wandless magic. And because of his injured hand and the fact that his legs were rendered useless due to the Leg Locker Hex all that he could do was paw at Bellatrix's back.
"You're going to suffer, mudblood," sneered Bellatrix, pointing her wand at Hermione. Harry had finally caught up with Bellatrix and with his one good hand, tried to pull the witch away from Hermione. "And your worthless half-blood boyfriend can do nothing to stop me besides fondling my back..."
Then a sudden thought hit Harry: he did know wandless magic!
"... Why are you doing that? It's really annoying!" commented Bellatrix off-handedly to Harry, as he continued to paw at her back. Harry was oblivious to her comments; he was lost in his own thoughts as he tried to force himself to tap into his core. It was extremely hard to access anything love based when dealing with Bellatrix. He had to fight to prevent his memory from calling up the image of Bellatrix without her robe. It's hard to do wandless magic when one is on the verge of vomiting.
Harry decided to focus his memory on the techniques described in the section from his 'special book' concerning /'Pleasure Pressure Points'/.
"... You do realize that I'm a married woman, don't you?"
Harry remembered that one of the more potent points was located on the small of the back. It would actually produce an orgasm in the witch if performed properly.
"... Even if I wasn't, you're far too young a boy for my taste..."
But Harry realized that just a simple orgasm wouldn't be enough to stop Bellatrix from harming Hermione. He had to give her such an orgasm that it would knock her out.
"... Is this how he treats you?" Bellatrix asked Hermione. "Because if it is, I truly pity you... he couldn't pleasure a three-Sickle whore..."
Pushing aside his fear, Harry focused on Hermione and how much he loved her. It help when the memory of a naked, moist, and very satisfied Hermione spread out in front of him entered his mind.
"Oh, well, back to the task at hand," stated Bellatrix nonchalantly. "This will hurt you more than it does me... /CRUCI/-"
Bellatrix froze in mid-incantation as Harry forced his powerful love-based magic into her body through one of the more powerful pleasure points.
"Oh!" Bellatrix muttered as she dropped her wand. Harry could feel the muscles in her back tense up before she said once more "Oh!"
She arched her back almost painfully and shouted "OH!" at the top of her lungs before falling backwards - onto Harry mind you. Once she crashed onto Harry's back, she began to thrash and buck on top of him. Her arms and legs flayed this way and that. Needless to say, all the thrashing and limb flaying, Harry got thoroughly pummeled.
"OH! OH! OH! OH! OH!" Bellatrix continued to scream as she unknowingly beat the hell out of Harry. The young wizard attempted to move her off of him, but somehow, all he managed to do was to roll himself over while Bellatrix stayed on top of him. This made matters worse for Harry, instead of getting his back beaten up, now his front was getting smacked, elbowed, head butted, and kneed.
"Harry, are you okay?" a concerned Hermione asked as she witnessed the spectacle in front of her.
"OW - Her - OW -mi - OW -o - OW - nee -OW!" cried Harry as the evil witch continued to unintentionally beat him up as she rode her mind melting orgasm on top of him. "OW - get - OW - her - OW - off - OW - of - OW - me!"
Hermione scurried to where her wand had landed and quickly performed a levitation spell on Bellatrix. The evil witch's body rose gently into the air as she was still being rocked by the orgasm.
"HARRY!" shouted Hermione as she dashed at him. "Oh, goodness, are you alright?"
"OH!" Bellatrix shouted again.
"I've been better," acknowledged Harry. He could actually feel the bruises developing all over his body. In particular, 'Harry, Jr.''s baggage had taken a particularly nasty blow.
"OH!" Bellatrix shouted again, this time somewhat softer.
"Oh god, your hand!" cried out Hermione as she saw his broken and twisted finger. She gently scooped up his injured hand and cradled it. "You poor baby!"
Bellatrix moaned out a soft, barely audible "Oh!" and bucked her hips again.
"I've broken worse," Harry admitted. Although his digit did hurt like hell, his bits were his main concern. All he wanted to do was to curl up in a corner in the fetal position and cry like a little boy.
Bellatrix thrashed again and began to foam at the mouth.
"Oh, Merlin... it was horrible..." Ron groaned out as he regained consciousness.
A disgusting gurgling noise came from Bellatrix as she bucked again.
"Oh, sweetie, I wish I could make it better," Hermione cooed to Harry as tears filled her eyes. She gently kissed his broken finger while Bellatrix jerked again and spat out some of the foam from her mouth.
"I thought I was a goner for a minute back there..." Ron muttered as he forced himself to speak. Even though he wasn't a healer, Harry could tell by the look in Ron's eyes and the way he was speaking that he must have a bad concussion. "There was so... so much... so much hair! I've seen Seamus in the shower and he's hairier than a Yeti... but he doesn't have anything on Bellatrix!"
Bellatrix's eyes rolled up into her head and she let out one final groan before losing consciousness. Harry noted that she had a ridiculously satisfied grin plastered on her face.
"We need to get you two back to the Castle so Madam Pomphrey can heal both of you," stated Hermione. She helped Harry stand and they hobbled for a bit toward Ron when Harry remembered his wand.
"Hermione, I need my wand," he moaned, hunched over while cupping his bits with his left hand and holding his injured right in the air.
"Accio Harry's wand!" commanded Hermione and his wand soared through the air and into her hand. Hermione fumbled for a bit trying to stash Harry's wand in her robes when Ron groaned:
"Look out, one of them is moving." Ron weakly pointed at the Death Eater who was slowly rising to his feet. Harry recognized the Death Eater as the one who still had a "glowing baby Harry" wedged firmly in his ear and up his bottom. The pitiful wretch winced in pain as he tried to step toward the exit.
"Stop him," Harry requested. Hermione attempted to aim her wand at the slowly retreating villain, but couldn't do it properly seeing how she was holding Harry up. As gently as she could, she lowered Harry to the floor so that he was lying next to Ron.
Apparently, the Death Eater with the impromptu bum-plug realized that he couldn't run away and had decided to attempt to Apparate away. With a loud pop, the Death Eater disappeared... well mostly disappeared that is to say. It seemed to Harry that having two foreign objects forcibly shoved in several orifices would cause some distraction. And apparently, this distraction led to a major case of splinching. The tormented fellow had accidentally left one of his legs behind as he Apparated away.
"Ow," Ron murmured as the disembodied limb fell to the floor. "That must hurt."
"Well, no reason to go after him," concluded Hermione and she tapped her wand on a pullover that had fallen in front of Ron and muttered "Portus."
Before the trio left the remnants of the gift shop Harry could hear Ron murmur "the horror... all that hair... the horror..." |
Title: 8th summer part 2
Tags: Fiction, Authoritarian, Bestiality, Blowjob, Humiliation, Males / Female, Young
Introduction:
Summer is over and we are back to school to learn new things
Content:
Summer had become fall and we were back at school, my brother, now 15, our next door neighbor Danny, now 15, and me, Eileen, now 9 after having been used by the boys for sex during the boring days of August. It started when I had seen the boys through the garage window with their pants down jerking each other off and I saw them cum on the garage floor and could see it made them happy. I liked seeing their dicks out cuz it was exciting. I was always being left behind and I didn't want to be left out. I didn't understand anything about sex at that time but I could tell by the way they snuck around into the garage that what they were doing wasn't something they should be which made me want to be in on it too. So one day I followed them to the garage door and insisted on going in with them and after initial resistance Danny convinced my brother and I was taken in with them and told that this was a secret game that could get us all in big trouble so no telling. I was also made to promise to do whatever they told me to do. They took me to the back corner of the garage and Danny told me to pull down my shorts and my underpants and show myself to them and that began a sequence of events that escalated from taking my clothes off for them and kissing their dicks to sucking them off all the way to them fucking me on my bed while mom was shopping. My brother kind of lost interest after awhile but Danny kept at me all summer having me do things for him like sucking him or peeing on the garage floor or in the woods by our house. He also had me do #2 in the woods when I could. Once he wanted me to shit and I couldn't so he made me squat down and try and even though my asshole puckered nothing came out so he came around behind me and bent down and stuck his moist finger up my ass and finger fucked my ass until some shit finally came out. Then he had me suck his finger clean and then his dick and swallow his cum which was kind of salty sweet and I didn't mind any of it because it was the center of attention. I liked getting the cum in my mouth cuz it always made Danny happy and I liked swallowing it. Danny also taught me to french kiss, We would start out this way and go on to other things and when we were all done I would have to kiss him on his asshole and stick my tongue in it like a french kiss. I didn't like that much but I did it just the same cuz he really liked it. Sometimes I think he didn't wipe himself good so I would have to taste his shit. My brother would fuck me at night if my parents went out but not much else, but Danny was at me almost every day to do something, either suck him off or get fucked by him if it could be arranged or whatever. He was kind of perverted and sometimes he scared me. My brother had gotten a video game for his birthday and he didn't pay much attention to me other than to fuck me when he felt like it when no one else was home. He'd do it quick and kiss me on the forehead and go back to his room.
School started and Danny went to a different school than us. My brother played football and wasn't home after school but Danny got home early and whenever the coast was clear he would either take me into his house or into the garage and have me do stuff with him. He had a computer and he showed me stuff on the internet and had me do whatever he showed me when we could. It wasn't every day but when he could get me alone he'd have me pull off my shorts and top and he'd feel my baby fat breasts that hadn't developed much yet and would french me and have me suck him. Once he fucked me from behind in the garage standing up. It wasn't easy cuz he was bigger than me, though I wasn't small and we only did that once. Some days my mom wasn't watching TV and was around and we couldn't do anything so I played in my sandbox alone.
One Saturday afternoon my parents had to go out to a funeral and left me with my brother in charge. As soon as they left I went outside and no sooner got into the yard and Danny was at the fence. Hey Eileen, can you come over? I kind of didn't want to so I said I'd have to ask my brother and I went in and he was playing his video game and said yeah whatever but stay in his house and don't go down to the woods. So I went back out and said ok and went around the fence into Danny's yard. His mother's car was gone so I knew what he wanted. He took my arm right away and led me quickly into the house. His mother was out but another boy was waiting in the kitchen and he said to the other boy here she is and the other boy said she isn't very old is she? Danny said naw but its better cuz she's safe and she can do it all. Danny said this is my friend, Blake, and he's gonna play our secret game with us. So I kinda kept my head down and Danny took my arm and led me to his room. He told me to take off my clothes except for my socks and sneakers and show myself to Blake so I took down my shorts and panties in one motion and stepped out of them and then took off my tee shirt and stood there. Blake said, yeah, she's not too bad, kinda juicy and he had me turn around and he felt my ass. So Danny said watch this and he sat on his bed and pulled me to him between his legs and started kissing me and putting his tongue into my mouth while feeling my pudgy little breasts. He stopped and said to Blake wanna try and Blake came over and took my arm and felt my breast and then he frenched me and I did it back just like Danny taught me and put my arms up around his neck and all and he seemed to like it. He was cute. Then he pulled away and said I dunno she's real young. Danny turned me around and said screw you to Blake and sat me on his bed and opened his pants and pulled out his dick and said give us a kiss so I kissed his pee hole and then I started to suck him like we always did. I put my hand on his shaft and put the head of his cock in my mouth like he taught me. He was standing in front of me and I was on my knees and I looked up at him like he told me. I wasn't sure if he wanted to cum in my mouth or if there would be more then he said ok lay down and he took off his pants and straddled my chest and propped my head up with pillows so he could fuck my mouth. I hadn't gotten that down too good yet but he held my head by my hair and thrust his cock in and out of my mouth and I nearly gagged but I didn't. Then he turned to Blake and said you want to try and Blake said naw not yet so Danny said screw you and Blake said screw her and Danny said ok and he pulled me down his bed and parted my legs and guided his dick into my pussy. He had taught me to get his dick wet with my mouth cuz I wasn't real moist in my pussy and with my spit on it his cockt went right in me. It was October and I'd been getting fucked since August so it wasn't a problem and Danny pulled my legs up so he could get it all in me and he fucked me until he shot his load inside my little pussy. It didn't do much for me but I liked it when he came inside me cuz I could feel his cock throbbing out his cum and my pussy got warm. When he was done he laid on top of me and rolled to one side. Blake said look, Dukie is watching you and Danny's German sheppard was in the doorway wagging his tail. Blake said maybe Dukie wants some and Danny said want some Dukie? and patted his bed for the dog to jump up which he did. Dukie started smelling my legs and licking the insides of my sweaty thighs but when he licked my pussy I jumped and pulled my legs up together. Aw, come on Eileen, let Dukie lick you and I said no so Danny pinned my arms down and said to Blake hold her legs open so Dukie can get his. I tried to squirm away but Blake had my legs apart and Danny was laying on top of me holding me still and Dukie began licking away at my pussy eating out Danny's cum. I was really embarrassed and started to cry and didn't like it but it did feel kinda good in spite of my being embarrassed to have a dog licking my privates. After awhile Dukie was done and Danny sat me up and had Dukie lick my face. He said french Dukie Eileen and I shook my head so he pinched my arm reall hard as tears rolled down my cheeks and I opened my mouth and the freaking dog started to lick the inside of my mouth. They were really enjoying this and finally the dog got down so Danny said to Blake what do you want and Blake said after that nothing. And Danny said don't you want her to suck you and Blake said, well, ok, but, yeah, ok. So he opened his pants and took out his cock and I scruntched to the edge of the bed and took his cock in my mouth and started to suck him while rubbing his shaft with my hand and in no time at all he shot his load into my mouth. My face was still wet with tears when he came and I was glad to at least get some cum in my mouth like I liked. Blake's dick was long and thin and he shot a big load that I had to gulp a few times to get it all down. When he was done Danny said maybe Dukie wants to lick it out of her mouth now and they laughed but I didn't think it was funny and they made fun of me sulking and crying. Then Danny said ok Eileen lets show Blake our closing number and he turned around and bent over with his hands on his knees so I could french kiss his asshole. I parted his cheeks and licked the rim of his asshole, then licked his asshole directly, then I started to suck on his asshole probing my tongue into it like he taught me. My face was between his cheeks while I probed his asshole with my tongue and I could taste his shit. Blake murmured holy shit and when I was done to Danny's satisfaction Danny said want her to do it to you and Blake said not this time, I gotta go home. And Danny said aw, I was gonna make her shit now but if you gotta go, I'll walk you. Next time, Blake said. Ok Eileen, you can get dressed and go home now and I did inching past the damn freaking dog who was panting and trying to press his nose into my pussy while I kept pushing his wet nose out of my crotch. I went home and my brother was still playing his video game. He said how were things at Danny's. And I shrugged and he said go take a bath before mom and dad get home. And I did. I stayed in the tub for awhile until my brother called me. |
Title: 8th summer part 4: Dad's turn
Tags: Fiction, Coercion, Incest, Non-consensual sex, Older Male / Female, Oral Sex, Rape
Introduction:
Since my 8th summer, my brother and our neighbor Danny had me, now Dad took his turn with me
Content:
I was introduced to sex by my brother and our neighbor Danny in my 8th summer, and was used by my brother when he wanted it, and was cornered by Danny every chance he got to do kinky stuff with me and pass me around to his classmates. It was a game I had asked to play, not knowing what it would lead to but I played along and did as I was told. I didn't have much choice but I didn't mind very much because I was the center of attention with older boys. I went from a pudgy somewhat unattractive 8 year old to a pudgy somewhat attractive but plain 12 year old having a variety of sexual experiences with a number of teenage boys, mostly arranged by Danny. Sometimes Danny's clients would find me coming home from school and have me in the vacant field. Most time he arranged for them to have me in one form or another and his clients didn't mind fucking a chubby little girl. Finally I thought I'd get a break when I became 12 and both Danny and my brother went off to college, but I was wrong.
Mom got a job at the hospital working nights to help pay my brother's tuition and I was left alone with Dad. By 12 I had gotten taller but still had ample baby fat and a pudgy shape with budding but noticeable breasts and a round bubble butt. I needed a bra though I hadn't become a woman yet. It started one night when I had gone to my room after taking my bath and I left my door ajar because I thought Dad was downstairs watching TV. I took off my bathrobe and was standing naked and looking at myself in my mirror, not all that happy with what I was seeing but at least I was getting taller and I did have rounding tits and something of a figure, though I didn't have any pubic hair yet. I was shocked when I saw Dad standing in the doorway to my room watching me naked and he said ooops, pretending he had just got there and kind of laughed but he didn't move. He made sure he got a good look at me and where I was in the corner looking in my full length mirror I had nowhere to go and nothing to cover myself with but my hands. I turned my back to him but he could see my front in the mirror. He chuckled and said don't worry honey I used to change your diapers and you may be bigger but I've already seen all you've got, so put your hands down and let me see how my little girl has grown.
I mean NOW Eileen!
I was so red in the face as I dropped my hands to my sides and turned to him. I was so ashamed that he had caught me looking at myself and so embarrassed that now I had to display my naked body to my father.
Now turn around full so I can see it all baby and I turned around showing him my entire naked body. He didn't leave the doorway for a time and he left only after getting a good look at me all over but he took his time looking me over and didn't close my door when he finally left.
From then on the slow manipulation started. The kiss he gave me when he came home from work was now on my mouth and it was lasting longer and sometimes it was more than once. His hand was always around my shoulder and was always brushing my breast. I was getting a lot of full body hugs and one hand was always on or very close to my ass. The hugs would end with a few pats on my bottom. If I had a skirt on he would try to hike it up the back but I usually got away from him before he got it up too high. Once he got it up and squeezed my ass. He would come up behind me as I was washing the dishes and put his arms around my waist and kiss me on the neck, pressing his body into my back and saying how he loved his little girl his hands moving up and down my front just to my pussy and just touching my tits. Each time he did it he got a little braver and touched me a little more where he shouldn't be. He never paid much attention to me before and this attention was embarrassing me. I thought I could at least trust my dad.
We would watch TV and sometimes we would sit on the couch and he would have an arm around me holding me against him with his hand lightly over my breast just barely resting his hand on it and sometimes he would rub my leg with his other hand. Some nights he would be in his chair when I came into the living room and he would make me sit on his lap. Those nights became more frequent and his hands became bolder, moving over me and holding me against him pretending to watch TV, but I could feel his hard-on growing in his pants each night and each night there seemed to be more kisses right on my mouth with show Daddy you love him as the excuse and I would kiss him and sometimes he held me behind my head and made it last too long for a dad to do. I would try to pull away or to avoid him but it didn't stop him. He's my Dad, geez. And he started tucking me in at night.
The tucking in was the bravest he became, taking my covers wherever they were and making sure he ran his hands over my breasts as he pulled my covers up to my neck. If the covers were already up around my chest he would make sure he grabbed them on my tits so he could get a good feel all the time pretending like neither of us noticed what he was doing to me. At first he was coming in dressed but then one night he came in his robe. Each night the robe was open a little more and he was naked underneath. He'd sit on my bed at the head and put one arm around me and rub my thigh over the covers with the other and each night he was exposed a little more because he was naked underneath his robe. His hand around my shoulders was always on my tit now and though lightly the last thing he'd do is give my tit a good squeeze before he got up to leave. One night he was actually feeling me up while he was talking to me about school like I didn't know what he was doing to me. He couldn't help but notice that my nipple was getting hard under his feeling and he was taking it between his fingers and lightly pinching it like it was just the most normal thing for a dad to do to his preteen daughter. And there was always the good full hand squeeze of my breast as he left.
Then one night he came in and his robe was sort of open and when he sat on my bed his robe opened fully and his cock was fully visible and hard sticking out and he pretended not to notice as he talked to me about school and things while he felt my tit and played with my nipple, his cock growing bigger and more visible kind of bobbing up and down. He made no pretense about feeling me up now and his other hand was on the inside of my thigh moving up and down, sometimes brushing against my pussy under the covers all the while pretending to be talking to me about shopping or school and ignoring what he was doing to me. This went on for a few nights, him coming in with his robe open and sitting on my bed right next to me and I guess cuz I didn't say anything but kept looking at it finally on Friday night he said, would you like to touch it? Cuz he saw me looking at it, I mean it was right there sticking out under my chin so it was hard to miss the whole front of his robe was open and I could see him erect right under my face, see his mass of dark brown pubic hair and his balls resting on his leg. He's a big man and a strong man. I didn't say anything and he said it's okay baby and took my hand and put it on his shaft and squeezed my hand closed around it. I sort of let him but sort of resisted and his grip got stronger as I tried to resist. As he did this he leaned down and kissed me and his tongue was probing into my mouth. Danny had taught me this and I let his tongue in and let him hold my hand on his hard cock moving it up and down as he frenched me with his tongue.
When he was done frenching me he whispered kiss it baby and took me behind my head and pushed my face down on the wet head of his big cock. I resisted and he squeezed the back of my neck as he pulled my head down on it and said, I said kiss it. I kissed it right on his pee hole getting his precum on my lips and he gasped and I don't know why but I licked the head of his cock and sort of sucked on it a little to try to get him to loosen his grip on my neck cuz he was hurting me. This was too much for him and he got up, closed his robe, and left without a word.
The weekend came and mom was home so nothing happened but on Monday night he came into my room and took his robe off, pulled back my covers, and got in bed with me. I said Dad what are you doing and he said shut up. He pulled my night gown up and started to pull down my panties. I tried to pull them back up and he let go and slapped me hard across my face bringing tears to my eyes. So off came my panties and then my nightgown and now we were both naked in my bed, my dad with his cock rock hard against me. He held me tight against him and squeezed my soft bubble ass, probing my asshole with his index finger as I tried to stop crying. He licked his finger and pushed it into my asshole finger fucking my ass as he french kissed me. His hands were rough and it hurt having him jab his finger in and out of my asshole. But I let him rather than risk another slap. I tried to sort of push against him and he said do that again and I'll beat your ass red and with that he took his finger out of my asshole and slapped me hard on my bare bottom. Understand? And I nodded but not before he gave me another hard slap on my bare ass. Understand? And I said yes and got another hard spank on my ass for the 3rd time. Now put your arms around me and I did as he reinserted his finger in my ass.
So I stopped trying to resist because he is a big man and strong and I didn't like being hurt like this. It was easier to just let him do what he wanted to do to me without getting slapped around. Tears kept running down my cheeks because my face and bottom stung from his hitting me but he didn't care. He had this look on his face that he was going to do it anyway and I wasn't big enough to fight him off.
He laid me over on my back and sort of was half on top of me, rubbing my pussy with his middle finger now and sucking on my pudgy tits licking my nipples and nibbling on them. I might of liked it if he wasn't my dad. His cock was dribbing precum against my hip and he was breathing heavily. He had his middle finger in my pussy and was roughly finger fucking me in and out in and out. I said Dad please stop and he said shut up again and kept finger fucking me harder as my pussy got wetter and he moved from nipple to nipple sucking them hard and erect.
My legs were a little open from his hand pushing into my pussy and all at once he was on top of me and he growled open your legs and I said no Dad, no, not this and he grabbed a handfull of my hair and yanked my head hard and said spread your legs in a real mean whisper. So I spread my legs open for him as he took his cock in his other hand and placed it on my wet pussy lips and shoved it into me. I gasped because I had been fucked before but by boys, not a man, and my Dad was a real man. His cock was much bigger and my pussy was quivering and the force made more tears fall from my eyes because it was big and hard and it hurt me. He thrust into and out of me as tears rolled down from my eyes and he pulled my knees up so he could get his big cock all the way in me as he leaned on me. With each thrust my pussy opened a little more until he had all of his big cock up inside me holding my legs up as he humped me deeply.
He was banging the bed into the wall in a steady rhythm harder and harder. The bed was squeaking and hitting the wall and I was getting hammered by this man who was my father and had his big cock up my pussy and was fucking away on me like I had never before experienced. He would slow down and then start up again, sweat pouring off of him onto me underneath him looking me in the face with this little smirk as he kept working his big cock in and out of me in full thrusts, slow, then fast, then slow again, for a long time. My pussy had opened enough to accept him but it still hurt cuz he was so big. He would speed up and the bed would hit the wall hard each time he thrust into me and I put my arms around him to hold on as he pounded away on me. As soon as I thought he was done he'd slow down and go easy then start up again banging the bed into the wall and pounding his cock in and out of me. I held on to him as tears ran down my cheeks and he kept this smirk as he looked down into my face holding my knees up and leaning into me with all his weight as he fucked away at my pussy. It seemed to go on forever and ever.
His cock was so big that I could feel every thrust and my pussy was quivering around it. I thought he must be hitting my stomach or lungs he was so far up inside me and his balls were slapping against my ass. At last he started pounding really hard, letting go of my legs and I held him tight to keep in place and his cock was like a jack hammer pounding into me. He humped and humped me really hard and the bed kept hitting the wall as I held onto him and he was breathing more heavily and groaning. When he finally shot his big load of hot cum into my little soft quivering pussy, unlike the boys, I could feel his big cock throbbing and pumping more and more cum and it kept cumming and cumming and he was groaning loud and making odd noises and my whole bed was shaking until it finally stopped and he sort of collapsed on top of me panting and kissing the top of my head as he gasped oh baby, oh baby, my sweet little baby, over and over again. His cock was still in me and it was still huge and my pussy was still quivering as he lay on top of me and I could feel it throbbing less and less until it finally stopped. I was covered with his sweat and my tears were all over my face. I couldn't believe that I had just been fucked, really fucked so hard, by my own father and I was only just 12 years old.
He laid there for a few minutes and then got off of me, pulling his cock out of my tight pussy slowly, and rolled off of me and went to the bathroom. I layed there on my back whimpering with all of his gooey cum inside me, my pussy quivering and sore from the relentless pounding of his big cock and the force of his thrusts. I squeezed my legs together to keep the cum from oozing out onto my bed sheets and I could feel it spreading between my thighs. When I heard him flush the toilet and open the bathroom door I ran into the bathroom keeping my legs tight together and dropped his cum that wasn't on my thighs out of my pussy and into the toilet. My dad had some big load. I wiped myself and I pee'ed and went back to my room, wiping the tears on my face. My pussy was red and sore and burned from peeing and my face had been rubbed raw by his beard and still hurt where he had hit me. He was sitting on my bed, his robe on and now tied around him. He looked at me and pointed his finger at me. Two things he said. Never resist me again, never, or else you'll truly regret it. And never tell anyone about this or I'll send you to a reform school for good. Understand? I stood before him, still naked, with my head down wishing he would just leave me alone. I was only 12, a little girl, his daughter, and he was a big man, and even though I was standing and he was sitting we were almost even. I had been played with by boys, but he was a man and had given me a real hard fucking and I was sore and defeated and humiliated. He stood up and grabbed my arm and squeezed it hard and shook me and said understand? And I mumbled, yes Dad. Never tell. That's right, he said with vehemence and shook me again. Now cover yourself before your mother gets home and he made for my door. As he was half out my door he leaned back in and said, and Eileen, you were no virgin. I can tell, so keep that in mind when I tell you to do something from now on so we can keep that just between us, too. You do as you're told from now on you fat little slut and no one gets hurt. That last remark hurt the most.
And so it began again. I was getting fucked regularly, getting fucked really hard and long, night after night, whether I liked it or not, wanted it or not, letting him touch me wherever and whenever he wanted, letting him open my blouse or put his hand under my skirt whenever he wanted to, wherever we may have been. Letting his fingers probed my pussy lips or asshole in public when he thought no one was looking. Letting his tongue in my mouth on every kiss. I was totally defeated and my shame and humiliation only seemed to make him do it more. Now I was getting fucked by a man, a real man, my own father. Getting really fucked hard and deep and long again and again. My father gave me my first orgasm and many thereafter. Some nights I'd have 2 or 3 or 4 orgasms before he finally came. I had never had an orgasm before and it was the only good part of it for me and as I got older the pleasure of coming on his cock grew though the embarrassment and humiliation of being fucked by my father never lessened. He was always rough and never nice about it.
When my brother came home from college, Dad made it clear without words that I was totally his now. I don't think he ever knew about my brother using me but I guess he made sure just in case. He knew that at 12 I was already no virgin and that my opportunities were few, so maybe he suspected but he never asked. We could be watching TV, the 3 of us with mom at work, and I'd be (reluctantly) on Dad's lap and he'd be shaming me by feeling me up and kissing me in front of my brother and making sure that my brother saw it, much to my humiliation and distress. Nothing was ever said but my brother never bothered me again. My brother was older now, much older than me, and he had never really liked me at all even when he would use me to get himself off. He had used me when he felt like it but it was no big deal for him. He had his own life to lead now and was out most nights. He didn't care any more about what Dad was doing with me than he cared what Danny had done with me before. I wasn't bothering him anymore and that was enough for him. Danny's mom had remarried and they moved away before Danny came back from college, so I was my dad's sole possession.
And if he said come with me to the store on a weekend afternoon and it meant sucking his dick in the parking lot of the super market in broad daylight with my jeans down to my ankles or completely off while he had his finger up my ass, bare to the world or whoever walked by. On vacation we'd go in the ocean and he'd pull our bathing suit bottoms down and finger fuck me while people were swimming around us and I held him with one arm around his neck while I jerked his cock off with my other hand as he worked his fingers in and out of me under water, his back to the shore so mom couldn't see what we were doing or his cum floating to the surface. I did what he wanted and he did whatever he wanted to me whenever and wherever we were. It almost seemed like he wanted people to see how he treated me and how I obeyed him. By 13 I became a woman and my dad took me for birth control, telling the doctor I was sexually active and he wasn't about to raise a bastard kid. And he made sure I took my pills regularly, like I would ever really want to get pregnant with his baby. The birth control pills swelled my breasts even more as I became fully developed adding to his pleasure. I grew bigger and developed but was always kind of pudgy and plain though I still had a shape. It didn't stop him. The only thing he insisted was that I shave my pubic hair so I would still be his little girl.
No matter what he could do to me whatever he wanted, and he did. My dad was insatiable. |
Title: 8th summer: part 5
Tags: Fiction, Authoritarian, Bestiality, Humiliation, Older Male / Female, Virginity, Young
Introduction:
During my 10th summer
Content:
During my 8th summer I had followed my 14 year old brother and our next door neighbor Danny around and pestered them to let me play their secret game in the garage and I had to promise to do what they said and not to tell anyone and so I was introduced to sex by them. When school started my brother lost interest in me (he never liked me anyway) because he was into sports and got a girlfriend, but Danny was a nerd and all he had was me, a plain pudgy lonely little girl, and his computer. Danny learned a lot of kinky stuff off the internet and used me to do the things he saw on the net. The more I did for him the more trouble he told me I was in and used this to blackmail me and keep me compliant. He even had a friend hold me down so his dog Dukie could lick his cum out of my pussy and he let his classmates fuck me for money, all while I was 9. I went along with it because I'd promised in the beginning and because I was always threatened that Danny would tell on me and I'd be sent to a home for bad girls because I wasn't a virgin anymore. There's a lot more but that's not for this chapter.
In my 10th summer Danny's mother was unemployed, so his opportunities with me became less because she was home more but he found a way to get me into the vacant field nearby every chance he got, most times under the pretext of walking Dukie. My brother was off with his sports and his girlfriend and my mother was doing her own thing so having Danny watch me was an advantage for her. We lived in a kind of remote area and there weren't any other kids around and if Danny wanted to bother with me, no one seemed to care because then neither of us were bothering our mothers.
The field was overgrown & had a center area that was hollowed out and not at all visible from any direction and this is where Danny would take me. As soon as we climbed down the hollow I'd have to pull my pants down for him and eventually take off all of my clothes except my sneakers and socks. And then I'd have to do whatever Danny wanted. I'd have to squat and pee in front of him or he'd have me squat and lean back facing up and shoot a stream of pee out for him. He'd hold Dukie on the lease till I was done peeing and then he'd let Dukie lick my pussy. I hated this having this damn dog licking me between my legs on my privates and would always try to protest it was so embarrassing having this dog licking my private parts but Danny would warn me that I had to do it or else he's tell and he'd say his mom noticed Dukie was always at me when I was in their house so she'd believe him. Then Danny would tie Dukie to a limb and takel his pants or shorts off and have me do something to him. He'd french kiss me to get his cock hard and then he'd have me squat down and kiss and lick the head of his little dick and his balls. Danny wasn't well endowed and though he was 6 years older than me, not much taller. I'd have to work my way around behind him and then he'd bend over and spread his cheeks so I could lick his asshole and eventually stick my tongue in his ass and french kiss his asshole getting my tongue inside as best I could. Sometimes Danny would take a shit on the ground and have me lick his ass clean or he'd finger fuck my ass till I shit and then he'd let Dukie lick my ass again after I licked his finger clean. He'd found a smooth short piece of a broom handle that he'd hidden in the bushes and he'd stick it up my ass and leave it there awhile while I did other stuff with this broom handle sticking out my ass. When he did this he said now I was a real piece of tail, whatever that meant. Depending on what he wanted, he'd either bend me over and fuck my pussy from behind standing up or he'd have me squat in front of him and suck him till he was ready to cum and then he'd shoot his pathetic little load on my breasts and let Dukie lick it off my chest. Sometimes he'd fuck my face and cum in my mouth holding my head by my hair as his balls hit my chin until he shot his little load into my mouth and had me swallow what there was of it. Sometimes after that I'd have to let Dukie lick the inside of my mouth, being french kissed by his dog. He noticed that Dukie would stick his wet snout in my pussy every chance he got wherever we were and I guess this gave him ideas. This stupid dog seemed to have a thing for me and Danny let the damn dog do things to me that made me feel so embarrassed and I hated the dog more than anything on earth. Danny was a sick little fucker and I wasn't too bright so he had complete control of me and knowing how I felt about the dog seemed to make him push the dog on me more and more.
We had to be somewhat quick with all this because we couldn't be gone too long but we always managed to be gone long enough for me to be used to Danny's satisfaction. I was always careful not to get my knees dirty, which is why I had to squat all the time and to keep my clothes hung on a branch so they wouldn't get dirty. Danny knew enough that if there was anything out of the ordinary from taking the dog for a walk we'd be in big trouble, though he was always telling me I'd be the one in trouble which is why I always did what he wanted. I guess I also liked someone paying attention to me because no one in my house did and I didn't have any friends of my own.
One afternoon Danny called me over to the fence right after lunch and was all aggitated that we had to walk Dukie and I needed to tell me mom so we could go right away. I went inside and mom was on the phone and I said I was going to walk Dukie with Danny and she interrupted her phone call to say she had to go to the store in a bit and might not be here when I got home so I was to go over Danny's till she got home. Danny's mother was out looking for a job so I was left with Danny for the afternoon and he knew it. He was in a big hurry to get us to the field and when we got to the center area I saw that there were 2 other boys sitting there, one about Dannys' age 16-17 and the other even older. They were sitting on the ground and gave Danny grief when we got there about being late.
This is her? The older one said. She's just a kid and she don't look all that hot. Danny said don't worry she'll do what you want and the older boy said I dunno this isn't so good. She ain't even a teenager is she? Danny said well, sorry, Britney Spears wasn't available today. If we get caught with this kid, and Danny cut him off and said we won't and she won't dare tell. She's done this before. All of it. The other boy just sat there looking at me waiting looking very uneasy and almost scarred.
Danny said Eileen get undressed and I kinda whispered please Danny I don't know these boys and Danny took my arm gave me that look that said I better do it or he'd tell, so I turned my back to them and slowly pulled my shorts down and then my cotton underpants and put them on a branch and slipped my tee shirt over my head and hung it up too feeling very self-conscious. Because I was pudgy my breasts were round and noticeable and mom made me wear a training bra so I took that off too. I stood with my back to them so they couldn't see my front as I was horribly embarrassed to have to strip in front of these strange older boys who didn't seem too nice, one of whom had said I was nothing to look at. I didn't know what the game was gonna be, but I didn't think it wouldn't be much cuz we were always in a hurry in the field, but then no one was at home waiting for us today.
Turn around the older boy said, all the way. I hung my head and put one hand over my crotch and the other arm across my chest to try to hide myself. Now now, hold your hands out at your side so we can see you. Yeah, ok, well she isn't too bad. That made me feel a little better. I like the bald pussy and the tits aren't bad even though she's kinda fat. Wow! What a put down. My face was so red when he said that, even redder than it was from having to show myself naked to them. Geez, I was pudgy but I had a waist and I had baby fat but I wasn't fat. I dunno why but this was even worse than last year when Danny brought me naked into his kitchen in front of his classmates who had paid him to each spend 10 minutes alone with me. You swear she's no virgin, this kid? Danny said oh yeah she hasn't been a virgin for awhile. Again I felt mortified and humiliated like I was some kind of slut.
Danny said ok, let's go? And the older boy said Josh you go on now. Josh said I dunno she's not too old she's like my little sister, and the older boy said, yeah good practice for you, now move. Josh sort of lazily stood up and said look Randall you said you had a girl for me to fuck for my first time but this is a kid. I thought I was gettin' at least someone my age. Randall said fuck you Josh, you heard Danny, Britney wasn't available. I said I'd get you laid and here's a girl you can fuck right now. Ugly and dumb as you are you're lucky to have anyone to fuck now shut up and do it. Unless you think you can't. So Josh shut up and walked over to me and proceeded to reach out and feel my breasts then he put an arm around my bare shoulders and leaned down and sucked on my nipples and made them stand up. As he did this he started fondling my ass with one hand and then probing my pussy with his other hand. He started slow but got braver once he started feeling me and sucking my tits and sticking his fingers into me he worked himself into it and I could hear Randall kinda laughing and I was reminded to my shame and humiliation that not only was I an arranged fuck for this ugly virgin nerd who was poking and prodding me but that other boys were watching this boy do it to me.
He stepped back and opened his fly and took out his cock and jerked himself a few times but it was already kind of hard and he took me by the back of my head and said ok, get on it. I bent down and took his cock in my mouth and sucked him a little and he took it out of my mouth and looked over at Danny and said I'm bout ready now what and Danny said bend her over and fuck her from behind and he said ah shit I ain't fucking this kid and Randall said Josh just do it will ya? And Josh said this ain't right and Randall said look what you already done to her is bad enough so fuckin' 'er ain't gonna make it any worse than it already is and we both saw you. You molested this little girl Josh, so you may as well fuck her too so you won't die a virgin. She may be the only girl to never tell you no and he and Danny both laughed. I'd already told them no but no one was listening to me.
So Josh turned back to me and said almost apologetically suck me somemore I got kinda limp and I took his cock in my hand and put it in my mouth and sucked it like a lolly pop till he got hard again and he said ok, ok, bend over and I turned around and bent down with my ass in the air but he was too tall and said I can't get in her from here so Danny said lay down Eileen and I said I'll get dirty and Danny said Eileen! Do it! So I layed down forward in the dirt and Josh said no, turn over on your back and so I turned over now all dirty and Josh layed on me and tried to guide his cock to my pussy lips. Danny whispered something to Randall and Randall came near us and said pull her legs up and it'll be easier to get in her. And Randall grabbed me behind my knee and jerked my leg back towards my head while Josh took that leg and my other pressing them back and raising my torso so I was easier for him to enter. Almost as soon as the head of his cock entered my little pussy it started to quiver and Josh said oh shit and leaned it into me pushing down on me as his cock went inside my little 10 year old pussy. He only had to thrust a few times to get the hang of it. I was kinda wet from being probed by his fingers so once he shoved it all the way in me it moved pretty easy. He wasn't very big. He seemed to forget that he was fucking a little kid now as he moved his cock in and out of me grunting each time he thrust forward jostling me along the ground. He humped me a few minutes in and out holding my legs and leaning into me and he seemed to have it down pretty good and seemed to be enjoying himself. He was getting ready to cum and he let go of my legs to brace himself and I kept them raised and squeezed round him so I wouldn't lose him and have to go through this again. He made a funny noise when he shot his load into me and he kinda collapsed on top of me. He was a big boy despite his little dick and he kinda suffocated me. Randall and Danny began to applaud and whistle. Josh ain't no virgin anymore Randall howled. He got off me and stood up and quickly pulled his jeans up sort of embarrassed now. How was it Randall asked with mock seriousness and Josh said, good, yeah, it was ok and Randall slapped him on the back. Now maybe you can get your sister to do it with you and Josh slapped Randall's arm away and said not funny. I started to get up and Randall shot Danny a look. Danny said don't move and he brought Dukie over as the boys surrounded me with the dog hopping around on his leash anxious for his treat.
Dukie knew right what to do and sniffed between my legs with his wet snout and started licking my pussy right off. This was too much and I tried to pull my legs up and move away but the 3 of them were on me almost at once holding my legs open and pinning my arms over my head so the dog could lick between my legs and eat the little bit of cum out of my pussy. I squirmed as much as I could, which wasn't much with 3 much older bigger boys pinning me down, and they laughed and Randall said, yeah, this is awesome as Dukie moved around licking my little pussy as I squirmed in the dirt while these 3 held me down in the dirt. This is so cool Randall kept saying. Hold her legs up now Danny said and my legs were pinned over me exposing my bottom so Dukie could lick my asshole which he did sticking his snout between my cheeks. When Dukie wouldn't lick me anymore Randall said ok get him off her before I lose it in my shorts that was incredibly hot. He looked around and took his shorts off. Let 'er go, don't you move little girl.
He had a skinny longer dick that was straight out bending left and oozing precum and bobbing up and down and as I started to get up again he pushed me down again and said don't move and straddled my chest sticking his cock in my face. Suck it, sweetie and took my head from behind and pulled it forward onto his cock. Hold still he said and holding my head between his hands started to thrust his cock in and out of my mouth fucking my mouth. Just relax, yeah, yeah, now you got it, yeah, and he shot a load of cum into my mouth as I lay in the dirt with him straddling my chest. Whew he said when he was done and he stood up, his dick hanging down in front of him, his hands on his hips, a smile on his face. He reached for his shorts and put them on as I lay naked and stil in the dirtl. Common Josh we better get goin'. This been a big day for you. Danny, you done good. We'll see you again. Maybe we can get the dog more on her, you know, next time, you know? Danny kind of nodded and Randall said you have her up the ass and Danny shook his head and Randall smiled. See ya, Danny. No one said a word to me as a lay in the dirt sweaty and used, waiting to be told what to do next. No thank yous, no good job Eileen. Nothing to me.
They climbed over the ridge and were gone and Danny said get up, you're filthy and I gotta get you cleaned up before anyone gets home. I thought, yeah I sure am filthy, but you can't get me clean anymore. |
Title: 8 - The High School Graduate
Tags: True Story, Blowjob, Consensual Sex, Male / Females, Pegging, Spanking, Threesome
Introduction:
- - -
Content:
Note: As per my other stories, the character names are all changed on the off chance that there is someone who recognizes any of the descriptions of living arrangements or furniture. If this is the first story of mine that you are reading, I have stories before this - while the other stories are not necessary to read, they do help to build up some backstory to where I was in my life at the time. Once again, while the verbal interaction may not be accurate, the physical interaction is to the best of my recollection.
---
Christie and I had come to an agreement. She would be going to the same university as me at the end of summer – we had agreed that in exchange for her silence to Emily (and more importantly for Alexa’s sake), I would be at her beck and call any time she needed a favor, no matter what the favor was. She did me the courtesy of reminding me of this in private the next day during our last day of school, as I had returned to drinking the night before. I ended up passed out in a bush, and had a pretty gnarly hangover the next day.
Finals went by fast – I was done all of them in less than a week, and had around a week to just do nothing before graduation, and prom the day after. Since our school did not want to be affiliated with any out of control parties, we had to have our prom independently, and had agreed that it would just be easier to have it after the school year was finished.
Graduation came and went – nothing super exciting, just relief. I hadn’t spent a lot of time with Alexa in the last week because her finals went almost to the end of the exam period. After we graduated, a bunch of us went to see the midnight showing of the new Batman movie (which was awesome), and then most people went home to rest up for the big party the next night.
I drove Alexa home, taking the opportunity to allow our bodies to feel each other once again.
The next day was pretty boring – I didn’t have much going on, and the pre-prom ‘party’ wasn’t until five. I say ‘party’, because it wasn’t a big deal. There was champagne and stuff being served to the graduates (but no one younger), but no one was letting loose because parents were there, all taking pictures of their sons and daughters dressed up for a fancy evening. In an ongoing effort to hide our two-month relationship from people, Alexa and I agreed to find other people to go with, or just go alone. Seth, Bill, and I had decided to go stag – Bill had been dumped about a month ago, and didn’t really feel the need to find a new girlfriend. He didn’t actually have a steady relationship of more than two months until he was in his second year of university. Seth was still just an asshole. Guys got along great with him, but girls thought he was a condescending, sexist pig. Alexa attended prom with a pretty nerdy guy named Jake – he was nice, polite, and wouldn’t try anything, so she probably saw it as a safe choice.
Since we had broken up, Emily had tried a few times to make me feel worthless. Two weeks earlier, however, she had also tried to get in my pants. I wasn’t sure which Emily was going to show up tonight, but the fact that she had agreed to let me be a part of the group that was going to crash at her house when all the parties had ceased told me she was at least going to be somewhat civil.
We all got in our limos and private buses and headed downtown to the prom. The Student Council had found a nice location overlooking some water, and everything was actually really nice. I’m not a fancy kind of guy, but even I appreciated the effort that went into making this a ‘magical’ night. Seeing all the guys in suits and tuxedos, and all the girls in something other than school uniforms or jeans was pretty refreshing. Dinner was great, even though I was sitting at a table of mostly guys. Dancing was even fun, too. I don’t really like dancing, but I was having a great time singing along to K-Ci and JoJo with whatever girl agreed to dance with me at the time. The best part of school dances, in my opinion, is when the cheesy ‘90s R&B songs come on, because girls love them.
Prom came to a quick close, and people piled back into their limos to head to the after party, which was back up north – someone who lived near the school had convinced their parents to clear out for the night, so we had a huge house to ourselves. Grads and their dates got in free, but anyone else had to pay twenty bucks to get in, to help cover the costs of kegs, and just in case anything got damaged.
It was a pretty rowdy affair – even the people who staunchly opposed drinking were having at least a couple beers. It wasn’t even midnight, and people were already passing out left and right. I laughed as I saw Neseet making out with a sophomore on a lawn chair, as the guy had just puked in a bush not even a few minutes earlier.
Around two or three in the morning, our group decided to get out of there. The cops had already come once to tell us to keep it down, and if they came again, they would break up the party anyway – the way the party was raging, they’d definitely be back soon. We had agreed to meet at Emily’s house, as per the plan, but first we made our cabbie go to the McDonald’s Drive thru, because we needed some food.
Arriving at Emily’s house, we changed into more comfortable clothing. It was only a matter of time before someone pulled some twenty-sixes out of a bag, and we continued our drunken shenanigans.
I don’t really remember what happened over the next little while, but I do remember waking up in the middle of the floor, all ten or fifteen of us passed out in the general area. Alexa had shaken me awake.
“Shh,” she whispered, keeping her finger on her lips, and grabbing my hand.
I followed her across the basement and up the stairs, before finally asking her what was going on – I was pretty drunk and not really able to keep my balance very well.
“Just follow me,” she said, turning to grin at me as she walked up to the second floor.
She led me down the familiar hall to Emily’s room, where she pushed open the door. The room was empty – I hadn’t noticed who was downstairs, but I guess Emily had chosen to sleep with her friends instead of alone in her room.
“What are we doing up here?” I whispered to her, wondering why she’d woken me up.
She led me inside and closed the door behind me, before pulling my sweatpants down and taking my flaccid cock in her mouth.
“What’s gotten into you?” I looked down at her.
“Nothing,” she took a break from trying to get me hard. “I just thought it would be really hot to fuck you in Emily’s room!”
“Ok,” I mumbled, grabbing her hair as she replaced her lips on my cock.
After a few minutes, it was pretty clear that I was probably too drunk to get hard enough to have any fun, though Alexa kept powering through, hoping that my penis would wake up.
“I don’t think it’s happening,” I told her, trying to pull her off my cock.
“A shame,” she said, standing up as I pulled my pants back up.
“Why’s that?”
“I had a surprise for you. I guess it’ll have to wait,” she answered, opening the door to go rejoin the sleeping group.
“A surprise?”
“Mmhmm,” she purred at me, making her way toward the stairs.
I grabbed her arm.
“What surprise?”
“Well it’ll just have to wait, won’t it?” she grinned, grabbing me through my pants.
She began the return to the basement, and I was about to follow her, before stopping and turning around. Realizing I wasn’t behind her, Alexa turned to ask where I was going.
“To sleep in Emily’s bed,” I answered, walking back to the room.
“You can’t sleep there, Rob,” she insisted, chasing after me.
“No one else is,” I pointed out, climbing onto the bed.
“Are you seriously going to sleep up here?”
“Mmhmm,” I moaned, already almost back to sleep.
-----
I woke up again, looking at the clock – it had only been thirty minutes. You never get a good night’s sleep when you’re drunk.
There was definitely something wrong. I could feel someone right up against me, and there was movement elsewhere in the room.
Turning over, I shot up quick – laying against me, staring right at me as I’d turned over was Sarah, a friend of Emily and Alexa’s.
“What the fuck,” I whispered, startled.
“Surprise,” Alexa laughed, climbing onto the bed behind Sarah.
“What?”
“This is your surprise,” she explained, pulling her shirt off so she was just wearing her panties and bra.
I noticed Sarah was already undressed the same way, as I allowed myself to take her body in. I had never really paid much attention to Sarah – she was usually around somewhere with the people I hung out with, but we never really talked or hung out ourselves. She was alright looking – she was taller than me, a good four or five inches taller, actually. Her body wasn’t curvy, but she could stand to lose thirty or forty pounds. She did, however, have two very good things going for her. She had a really sweet rack, which I had never noticed before due to her conservative style of dressing, and actually had a really pretty face. She had full, pouty lips, a small stud in her nose, and shoulder-length brown hair that was in a ponytail at the moment.
“This is my surprise?” I asked, still not sure exactly what Alexa meant. Was I going to be watching or participating?
“Ya, babe,” she laughed again. “I was trying to think about how to give you something special before I leave next week, and I thought you’d like it. You like it, right?”
Looking at Alexa, then Sarah, and back to Alexa again, I started to smile.
“Of course I like it, babe. But does that mean Sarah knows?”
“Ya, obviously I had to tell her. She’s wanted to fuck you for a while, and I wanted to share you with someone. It works for everyone,” she replied, leaning down to fish my cock out for the second time that night.
Bringing her mouth to my cock, she tried again to get me hard in my still drunken state. I felt slightly uncomfortable, despite my infidelities in the past – those were hidden and quite secret, whereas this was going to be me fooling around with another girl in front of my girlfriend for the first time. Emily and Alexa both had no idea I had cheated on them at any point, let alone with disgusting regularity. Sarah was on her knees, her feet tucked under her ass, as she meekly waited for someone to make a move to include her.
“You’re gonna make me work for this, tonight, aren’t you?” Alexa sighed, taking a few seconds off my cock to assess the situation.
“Sorry, sweety,” I answered. I hadn’t been expecting to have sex tonight after we had left the after party.
Sarah moved in, offering to try blowing me for a minute – that way they could take turns and hopefully have me hard soon. I took this opportunity to run my hands down Sarah’s back, realizing that she probably wasn’t as heavy as I had always thought – she probably just didn’t exercise very often, and didn’t eat very well, much like most teens. Finding her ass, I gave it a hard squeeze, eliciting a moan over my cock – that started to perk him up finally.
Pulling my head back, Alexa kissed me softly, allowing our tongues to roam the caverns of each other’s mouth. As her lips left mine, I looked at her, and couldn’t believe how lucky I was. I hadn’t asked for this – hell, I hadn’t even hinted that I wanted another threesome in my life. I realize they’re not as uncommon as most young men think, but for your girlfriend to actually find another girl because she thinks you deserve a surprise, that is just a great feeling.
Sarah removed her mouth from me, quickly pumping up and down my slowly hardening rod.
“Your turn,” she held my cock out for Alexa to take her place, which she eagerly did.
Sarah sat back once more – I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be passionate with her, and I don’t think she had a clue either. I decided to make a move, and would see if it was ok by Alexa’s reaction. I slipped a finger in between Sarah’s breasts, under her bra, and pulled her towards me. She closed her eyes and just waited, as I leaned in to kiss her for the first time. I could feel her moving, and as I broke our kiss, I noticed she had taken off her bra. Instinctively, I reached down, grabbing one breast in each hand, and squeezed them softly. Bringing one nipple at a time to my mouth, Alexa finally realized what was going on above her head as Sarah began to moan quietly.
She must have been feeling territorial, because Alexa did something next that I wasn’t expecting. Grabbing Sarah’s hair, she roughly pushed her back down to my cock, and waited until she had taken me in her mouth once more. When she had, Alexa pushed on the back of her head, trying to force more of me into her, a very malicious look on her face. Sarah’s hands went to my thighs, trying to push back and allow herself to suck me at her own pace, but Alexa wasn’t having any of it. I finally had to grab Alexa’s wrists and move them away so Sarah could take a breath.
“What the fuck?” Sarah gasped for air.
“Sorry, I just thought it would be hot,” Alexa said nonchalantly. “It was pretty hot, though, wasn’t it, babe?” she asked, grinning at me.
“Well, it felt great, ya,” I answered.
Undoing her bra, Alexa laid on her back, sliding her panties off as well. While Sarah had returned to my cock, Alexa got off the bed, standing behind her, before grabbing Sarah’s panties, and managing to pull them down too.
“My turn,” she said, taking control of the situation.
Sarah removed her head from my crotch, and this time didn’t take more than a second before she started kissing me again. While my tongue danced with Sarah’s, my hand crept down Alexa’s body and found her pussy, which was already wet. Shoving two fingers inside, she moaned around me, the sensation getting me to my full length. Removing the fingers from her pussy, I surprised Sarah by trying to put them in her mouth. She pulled her head back, obviously against what I was trying to do.
“Your loss,” I laughed, before putting them in my own mouth and tasting my girlfriend.
I knew I was finally ready to get in some pussy, so I grabbed Alexa’s head and brought her up.
“Who’s first?” I asked.
“I get you all the time, babe,” Alexa answered, making space for Sarah to bring her body closer towards me.
Sarah moved towards me, unsure of which way she wanted to do things. I decided for her, grabbing her and pushing her across my body, I quickly knelt behind her. Grabbing my now hard cock, I allowed Alexa to give my head one last suck before I pushed it gently into Sarah’s hot pussy.
“Let me know if it hurts,” I said, before sharing a smile with Alexa.
“It’s ok,” Sarah replied, trying to raise her head from the sheets.
Alexa wasn’t having any of that, and grabbed the back of her head, pushing it back down. I didn’t know if she was regretting sharing me, or if a whole side of Alexa was emerging that I had never seen before. I pushed further in, grabbing hold of Sarah’s ample waist, squeezing my fingers into her sides as I started to fuck her hard and deep. If her face weren’t buried in the sheets, her moans probably would have been audible from at least the main floor of the house.
“You like that, bitch?” Alexa asked, slapping Sarah’s ass hard.
“Mmmmm,” was all we heard from the blankets.
Alexa started to slap both Sarah’s ass cheeks, alternating each time. The slaps were getting pretty vicious, but Alexa had straddled Sarah, and wasn’t allowing her to move her neck, her thighs pinned tightly to the poor girl’s head. I had stopped pumping into her pussy, and was just watching my girlfriend abuse the fuck out of this other girl. I finally grabbed Alexa’s wrists once again, forcing her to stop her assault. Climbing off Sarah, the girl finally managed to turn her head around, tears streaming from her face.
“What the fuck?” she said, clearly in distress.
“Are you ok?” I asked, obviously already knowing the answer.
“What’s your problem, Alexa?”
“Nothing?” she hissed back.
They glared at each other for a few seconds, before I decided to start renewing my rhythm in Sarah’s pussy.
“My turn,” Alexa said, barely giving Sarah enough time to get out of the way before she pushed me back and climbed onto my cock.
Sarah tried sitting back on her feet, but her ass was probably still pretty sore from the beating my girlfriend had just given her. She got on her hands and knees, before I had an idea.
“How would you two like to make out while you ride me and Sarah gets her pussy licked?” I asked, trying to get them to get along.
Alexa stopped bouncing on my cock long enough to look at Sarah, and mutter her ok, noticeably not thrilled with the idea.
I pulled Sarah’s leg, urging her to allow me to taste her. Keeping her eyes on Alexa, her leg lifted up and she straddled me, carefully lowering her lips to my stretching tongue. I tasted the sweetness that was Sarah’s pussy, and could slowly feel her legs relax around me. Between the slapping coming from me and Alexa, I could begin to hear moaning as they got into it. I couldn’t see it, but I could tell they were finally beginning to get along. Reaching up behind Sarah, I pushed gently on her back, urging her to lean forward, which she did.
“Ooo” she squeaked as my tongue ran delicately from her pussy back to her asshole.
“Let Sarah suck me,” I urged my girlfriend, tapping her leg to tell her to get off.
I returned to sucking Sarah’s sweet pussy lips, teasing her clit with my tongue as I felt her lips wrap around the head of my cock. Apparently she was fine with tasting Alexa after all, or she didn’t even clue in at that point. I noticed Alexa had joined me at the Sarah’s backside, winking at me quickly, before sucking on one finger and poking it into Sarah’s asshole. Sarah didn’t even flinch, as she struggled to get more of me in her mouth. Alexa moved back to the other end of the bed, taking my balls in her mouth one at a time as Sarah slurped and drooled all over me. Suddenly, I felt Alexa’s tongue probing my asshole now.
“Oh, babe,” I moaned into Sarah’s pussy as Alexa’s finger replaced her tongue.
This went on for a while, and I was still nowhere near cumming due to my still intoxicated state.
Looking out the window, I realized it was just barely starting to get light outside, which means we had to have been gone for an hour or so.
“We need to stop girls,” I reluctantly told them. Someone was bound to come looking for us eventually.
Sarah quickly got off, wiping the saliva from her face with her arm, while Alexa took her place, wrapping her mouth around my cock, her finger still buried in my asshole.
“Babe, we need to go before anyone comes upstairs. Emily’s parents are gonna be up soon, too,” I explained.
Sighing her agreement, she removed her mouth and finger from me, but not before sucking that finger hard and full. Kissing her lightly on the mouth, I realized Sarah had already left the room. Lying back on the bed for a second, Alexa got up and dressed herself.
Walking out of the room, she turned back to me, “You should come too, Rob.”
“I’m coming,” I mumbled, just trying to wait a minute for my cock to deflate quickly as I expected it would.
I heard the door open and close as I smiled at the second threesome of my life. The first had been far more enjoyable, but my own girlfriend organized this one – she was definitely something special. A few minutes later, I made my way back to the basement and passed out once more.
---
A few short hours later, I awoke to the nauseating smell of breakfast being cooked. I was definitely hung over, and the thought of food alone made me have to vomit. Fortunately for everyone there, I made it to the bathroom (which was a pretty uncommon occurrence when I drank too much).
The morning was uneventful – I mostly just lay in a corner wanting to die a quick, merciful death. People ate brunch, and it was time to go. I agreed to give a couple people rides home, and dropped them off in the order that was most convenient – Alexa first, a couple others, then Sarah last since she lived a couple blocks away from me.
Pulling into Sarah’s driveway, there was an obvious uncomfortable silence. I wondered how she was feeling about the whole situation – she had been talked into a threesome with one of her best friends, who had turned around and literally beat her during the encounter.
“So…” Sarah began.
“So,” I smiled at her, hoping this conversation would pass quickly – I still wasn’t feeling great.
“Look, I know Alexa is going to be gone all summer, and since you guys aren’t really dating or whatever, maybe we could…” she trailed off.
“We’re not dating? What did Alexa tell you?” I asked, suddenly unsure of how this girl came to be in bed with me a few hours ago.
“She said you guys had been fucking, but it wasn’t that serious.”
I wasn’t really sure what to think of that. Was this just something she had told Sarah, or did she really feel that way?
“Well, you have my number if you want to hang out or whatever,” I told her, hoping she would just get out of my car. I needed to get into a bed.
“Ok… I’ll call you?” She asked, fishing for something more definitive.
“Ya, call me later or something,” I smiled weakly.
As she got out of my car, I popped it into reverse and was home a couple minutes later. Walking into my house, I opened my phone and called Alexa, getting her voicemail.
“Hey, nothing serious. Thanks again for this morning, babe. I’m gonna crash for a couple hours, but I’ll try you again when I’m up.”
I managed to fall asleep, despite the boundless uncertainty swimming through my thoughts.
---
I woke up and still felt like shit. Even though I had managed to throw up when I woke up in the morning, I was still pretty hung over – not the best way to feel when your parents want to take you out for dinner with some family and friends to celebrate being done with a large chapter of your life.
I remembered the conversation I had with Sarah before I got home, and reached for my phone, eager to see if Alexa had responded yet – she hadn’t. Instead of letting it get to me, I forced myself to get out of bed and went and sat in the shower for an hour or so, until the hot water ran low. I finally felt a bit better from the night before, even if only a physical relief from my physical malaise.
I got out of the shower and anxiously checked my phone again – still nothing. I didn’t really feel like being the clingy type of person that some of my friends were with their girlfriends, and tried my best to push it out of my mind. I managed to make it through the dinner and then head over to Bill’s to distract myself.
---
I woke up the next morning; evidently I had passed out in Bill’s basement from the exhaustion of the night before, coupled with some of the usual pot smoking. I checked my phone – still nothing from Alexa, but I did have a text from Sarah, as she had said she would. I texted her back apologizing for the tardiness in my response, explaining that I had fallen asleep on a beanbag chair in Bill’s basement. She wanted to know if I was available to hang out that evening – I told her I would have to get back to her as I wasn’t sure what was going on that night yet. In reality, I was hoping to hear from Alexa still – it had been over 24 hours, and she hadn’t called me back. The worry was beginning to turn into agitation.
I decided that since it was mid-morning I would pop over to Alexa’s and see if she was home. I didn’t want to turn into a bit of a stalker, but I was worried that maybe another relationship was dissolving before my eyes.
Pulling into her driveway, I noticed her dad’s car wasn’t there. I rang the doorbell and stood around for about a minute, waiting. I rang the doorbell again and knocked a few times and took a few steps back into the driveway to look at her windows and see if she was even home. I saw the blinds move a bit, and waited a few minutes, but she didn’t come answer the door – she was definitely doing her best to dodge me. The worst part was, I had no idea why – had I done something in my drunkenness the other night? I got my phone out and tried calling her again – nothing. I left a message, saying I’d stopped by and that I guess she wasn’t home, and got back in my car to go back to Bill’s house.
“That’s kind of fucked up,” Bill sighed, after I’d explained what had just happened.
“Right? How do I not look like an overbearing asshole in this situation?” I asked him.
“It’s tough. If you push too hard, you’re a douche. If you don’t keep on it even a little bit, you’re kind of a pushover. I guess just leave her alone for a few days – if she wants to talk to you, she’ll talk to you.”
“I guess. It’s just shitty knowing she’s going to camp for the summer in like 3 days.” Alexa had worked as a counselor at a camp up north every summer for the last four years.
“I’m sure she’ll talk to you before then… but that does suck,” Bill continued. “What are you gonna do all summer, man?”
“What do you mean?”
“You haven’t exactly kept shit in your pants for a couple years now. She’s gonna be like five hours away.”
“What’s your point?” I asked him.
“Man, we both know how you are. You were hung up on her before you even broke up with Emily. You’ve fucked how many other girls since you started dating Alexa? And that was with her even being in town… sometimes even in the same place as you.”
I sighed. Bill had a point, and knew me better than anyone – it came with the territory of being best friends for three quarters of our lives and spending a ton of time together growing up.
“Maybe you can get a free pass for the summer?” Bill suggested out of the blue.
“Like let her fuck whoever she wants at camp, and she lets me fuck whoever I want at home?”
“Ya,” he answered bluntly.
“I don’t know… the idea of some other dude fucking Alexa kind of bothers me.”
“You’ve fucked other girls that she doesn’t know about – and it’s not like it would be a one-way street. You’d both be allowed to just do whatever, no harm, no foul.”
“Ya,” I argued, “ but what happens at the end of summer when we go to school out west and she doesn’t?”
“I dunno, man… you’ll talk to her before she leaves, I’m sure. If you like her as much as you think you do, you’ll work it out. Don’t worry about it,” he patted me on the shoulder, trying to put my mind at ease.
I left Bill’s and texted Sarah to let her know that I was just going to hang out at home by myself for a night or two and then drove myself home. I needed to just be alone and hope that Alexa was actually going to try talking to me at some point before she left for Camp in a few days.
---
Two days later, Alexa did finally get back to me. She was half hysterical and I couldn’t understand her on the phone, but when I got to her house, I understood her fears after only a few minutes of talking.
It was pretty much what I had come to expect after talking to Bill a couple days earlier – she thought we had to break up since she was going to be gone all summer and then would be going to different colleges in the fall. I did my best to comfort her, but in my heart I knew there was only one choice I could offer her, and it wouldn’t be easy to say.
After finally calming her down enough to get more than the odd sentence in, I started to suggest what Bill had told me.
“Babe, just listen… what about some kind of like… open relationship,” I began, trying to find the words that would make this sound the furthest thing from sleazy as possible.
“Like just fuck whoever and whatever, whenever you want?” She looked at me like I was half retarded.
“Not whoever, and not whenever. We can talk about it more. Look, it’s going to be hard as hell to not touch anyone all summer, and I can probably only get up to see you a couple times,” I went into further detail. “Maybe not whoever, maybe not as often as you want, but let’s talk about it. I love you, I don’t want this to just be over because of some time apart and some distance between us.”
“I love you too,” she smiled, before looking away. “So what’s your suggestion? Is there a limit?”
“Well, let’s talk about it right now. Maybe decide we’re only allowed to do it once every week or two, and we have to talk about who it’s going to be with beforehand.”
“Are you already planning on fucking someone?” she asked me, skeptical of my motives.
“No,” I answered honestly. I wasn’t planning on fucking Sarah – I knew it would probably happen, and that Alexa might be ok with it, but I didn’t think it was guaranteed or that it would even happen frequently.
“So how are you going to know beforehand who you’re going to fuck? Are you just going to assume they’ll agree to fuck you?”
I winked at her before we both started laughing.
“I think we both have a good idea who we could get with pretty easily,” I said.
“Ya, you’re probably right. Do we have any vetoes?” she asked.
“Absolutely. Let me guess – Emily is veto number one?” I asked, laughing.
“Without a doubt. If you even talk to her, I’ll kill you both,” she stared at me seriously, before laughing again. I really loved her playfulness.
“You don’t have to worry about that. She’s fucking crazy… you’re the one who’s going to see her all the time next year,” I reminded her that she was going to be living in the same dorm as Emily at college the next year and they’d probably run into each other a fair amount.
“Ya, that’s going to be real awkward if you ever come visit,” Alexa laughed, rubbing me through my pants.
I moaned gently.
“So what do you think, babe?” I asked her, hoping there would be some kind of principal agreement so that we can have some fun before her dad got home.
“I think it’s an ok idea… but only for the summer. What happens when we go to college? You’re going to be surrounded by a bunch of horny drunk girls, and I know how you can be with no supervision.”
“Well you’ll be home for a few days before we leave, right?” I was double-checking.
“Ya, but I’ll be doing laundry and packing pretty much. We need to talk about this now.”
“I dunno, babe. I know two things. We’re going to school way too far away to see each other more than maybe once every two weeks, assuming we alternate who visits.” I stopped there.
“And the other thing?”
“You know what it is. I love you. I love you so much. I want to make this work more than anything… maybe after a year one of us can look into transferring from one school to the other,” I suggested.
“Maybe. I love you too. Let’s do it,” she beamed at me, as I picked her up underneath her back and legs and carried her to her room.
As we got into her room, I threw her onto the bed and quickly took my shirt off.
“I feel like we should try something special,” Alexa said suddenly while I rid myself of the rest of my clothing.
“Special?” I laughed. “You already gave me a pretty special present the other night,” I reminded her of the too-brief threesome we had with her friend Sarah.
“Ya, but that was special for me, too. It was different and fun.”
“You liked beating her, didn’t you?” I asked.
“Maybe,” she smiled reveling in her cruelty.
“Well what did you have in mind?” We had done a lot of sexual things in the few short months we had been together, and I wasn’t really sure what else we could do.
While I had had lots of sex with many women in the last few years, most of it was of a relatively plain type – various positions, but mostly just vaginal and anal intercourse, with the odd finger going other places.
“Just lie back and relax, and let me take care of it,” she told me, putting her hand on my chest and pushing me back onto the bed.
I was in heaven instantly as her tongue started to dance around the head of my cock, her fingers tugging firmly but gently on my balls. This wasn’t anything out of the ordinary so far, but she was a cocksucking champion. Alexa sucked me hard, then gently, alternating rhythms and pressures, and I was honestly probably going to shoot my load a little prematurely at this point.
“Babe,” she said, removing herself from my cock for a moment. “Put your legs in the air.”
“What?” I asked, not sure what she was doing.
“Just do it. Close your eyes and relax.”
She continued to stroke my cock in her hand, as I began to feel the familiar sensation of a tongue probing at my back door. I let out a gentle moan, as she started to eat my asshole – she was great at everything she did with that mouth. Suddenly, her tongue was replaced with a finger, and it felt cold. I must have tensed quite noticeably, because she stopped moving and told me to relax again. I did my best, while she took me into her mouth once again, while starting to work a second finger into me, just as cold as the last one.
“What are you doing down there, babe?” I moaned again. I could tell I was going to erupt from this pleasure.
“Trying something I’ve wanted to for a while,” she managed to get out around my cock.
“Well I’m gonna blow soon, babe. This is fantastic.”
“I’m glad you like it so far,” she told me, removing herself from me again. “Now keep your eyes closed,” she reminded me, spanking me lightly on the thigh.
I had no idea what she was up to, but I could hear her fiddling with something near her desk.
“Come on babe, I was so close,” I pleaded with her to continue with her mouth or fingers – I didn’t even care what at this point, I just wanted to bust my nut.
I felt her pressure on the bed, and was hoping she was going to climb on, but was surprised by the next feeling. Not only was it cold, but also bigger. I tried to relax, because I trusted Alexa implicitly, but it was tough.
“Babe?” I managed to squeak out, hoping for some reassurance.
“Shh… Just let it happen, and don’t fight it. Stay relaxed and I promise it won’t hurt.”
I couldn’t help it at this point – I opened my eyes, and saw what Alexa had planned. Right below my cock was a big silver piece of metal.
“Whoa, babe, what the fuck?”
“Don’t be such a pussy, Rob. Now quit squirming, because we’re doing this,” she told me matter-of-factly.
Taking my cock into her mouth once more, she slowly worked the metal dildo against my asshole, still a little loose from where her fingers were moments ago. Pushing gently, it felt like my asshole was being ripped. I bit my lip to stop from letting her know how much this was hurting me, while it felt like I had just been impaled in the asshole by a baseball bat. In reality, she had probably only gotten it an inch or two in.
“How does that feel, bitch?” Alexa asked me, spit still connecting my cock to her mouth.
“Different,” I grunted, grimacing in pain.
“You’re my little fuck toy aren’t you?”
“I’m whatever you need me to be, babe,” I smiled weakly at her.
Pushing gently, she worked the dildo further into my ass, as she continued to suck me off.
“Oh my god, babe, I’m close,” I told her, as she started to work the dildo into my ass, matching the rhythm of her mouth on my cock.
Quickening her pace, she must have found my prostate, because I unexpectedly had the most intense orgasm I had to that point of my life. I came so much Alexa could not keep it all in her mouth. I screamed my delight, my body shaking in ecstasy.
“Holy shit,” I must have muttered this phrase a half dozen times, while Alexa cleaned my still throbbing cock with her tongue.
Pulling the dildo slowly from my ass, she went to the bathroom to wash it off. I lay in her bed, catching my breath from the experience I had just been a part of. I loved this girl so much, and while I knew she was pretty sexual before, this had clearly tested the limits of my interests. I never thought I would be into having anything more than a tongue or finger in my ass, but if it meant something to Alexa and made her happy, I would do it every second of every day.
As Alexa sashayed back into the room, she had a huge grin on her face.
“That was the dirtiest thing I’ve ever done,” I told her, smiling back at her.
“I made you my slut,” she sang at me, mockingly.
“Only for you,” I grabbed her hands, and pulled her on top of me, kissing her gently.
“You’re damn right, only for me. You don’t get to fuck any other girls like you fuck me.”
“Babe, it’s never been the same with anyone as it has with you. I love to fuck girls, but I love you – I really love you. No other girl could ever do what you do to me.”
“You mean your ass?” she laughed.
“That too,” I chuckled.
We lay in bed for a while before I helped her pack her things to take to camp.
---
Author's Note: Surgery did not go well - it took a lot longer to rehab than doctors anticipated, but I have made a full recovery. Been busy with work, but I have this story finished, and am working on another right now. It might take a while, because it covers the craziest week of my life: my first week at college. It's already 25% longer than this story, and I am maybe 25-35% done.
As an aside, I am no longer going to allow anonymous comments, strictly to stop the annoying 'kik' spam. If you want to PM me, feel free. I will not divulge any personal information about myself or the stories, but I am open to talking about them in further detail.
-Rob |
Title: 8/30/2013 Notice
Tags: Diary
Introduction:
Just a notice on what's going on...
Content:
Hey everybody,
Just a word, I haven’t ended the Angel Next Door series, I’ve lost my writings so far so that series is at a halt until I find them again. I will redo the last chapter because I actually had written two versions of that chapter, one seriously and one for fun. I posted the one for fun to see what you guys would think; apparently I got a negative reaction. I want you to know that I haven’t ended that series and am re-writing that chapter from scrap since I lost the writings, but I apologize for the inconvenience.
I would like to thank my supporters and followers, I will continue to write, I just don’t have as often chances and like I said, I lost my stories so, I don’t know what I’m gonna do yet…
I am planning on making a few single chapter stories to keep things rolling and have more of a variety on my page. Feel free to leave requests for upcoming stories you would like to hear from me. I do NOT take suggestions on my series unless I say otherwise, but if you would like to hear a short story from me that is NOT a series, feel free to leave your suggestion/request in the comments.
All of my stories are fictional with made-up characters and are not meant to imply reality, true stories, or that any of this is even legal (in the case of rape). My stories are only for reading entertainment and not to be copied or taken offensively. I am NOT racist or sexist, so you won’t see any of that from me.
I just wanted to let everybody know what is going on and why I have not written in a while, thank you for take the time to read this. I will have a short story out very very soon. Thank you!!
………………………..
Upcoming stories:
- Continuing The Angel Next Door series
- The Unwilling
- Brother’s Best Friend
- More short stories
Suggestions/requests for short stories/ideas can be posted in comments below. I will not respond to ALL of your comments, but I will try. I will not be posting quite as often with my series which is why I am writing short stories to keep things fresh. Let me know what you think!! Thanks!!
……….
The summer evening and warm and peaceful. Ashley sat on the hood of her boyfriend’s convertible Dodge Challenger, twirling her sheen black hair between her fingers. The black muscle car’s engine rumbled vibrating beneath her precarious perch over the left wheel. Only seventeen years old, Ashley had the brightest blue eyes imaginable, a summer tan with perfect bikini lines, and the boldest sense in sexuality. She was undoubtedly the most wanted girl in her school, and she only gave her heart – and her body – to one man. Travis Moore. 18 year old pretty boy player Travis stood six foot two with a dream body from working out every day. He was dark in complexion, having a black father and a Spanish mother, and the dreamiest soul-searching eyes. All he had to do was look Ashley in the eyes and she was anything he wanted.
Right now, Travis was sitting in the driver’s seat of the Dodge, his shades over his eyes, leaned back with a crooked smile. They sat at the end of a dirt road that overlooked farmland and in the distance, a bustling city. Ashley knew exactly what Travis had intended when he’d pulled up outside her window, and she’s thrown on her tightest Daisy Dukes and a white tank top, her hair free falling around her shoulders. So far, it was the perfect attire for her activities.
She laid back across the hood, one leg tucked up again her butt, the other hanging down over the side of the car. She traced her fingers up her stomach, between her breasts and her neck, closing her eyes as she reached her cheek. She switched her legs several times and as Travis turned up the radio – the speakers boomed sexy hip hop songs – she slid down off the car and over to Travis’s door. He smiled at her, but he didn’t lower his shades. Putting on her best stank face and placing her hands on the hood of the car once more, she slowing began to bounce in the rhythm of the current beat. She was no amateur, she knew very well how to twerk and she knew she did it fine too. When you have an ass like that, you learn that you fit twerking perfectly.
No hands, Ashley began to roll her hips and rose up and down slowly as she popped, stressing her leg muscles, but clearly catching Travis’s attention. He lowered the shades off his eyes and leaned out over the door for a clearer view. Ashley smiled and dropped to the ground, then slowly brought it back up, adding a little pop for emphasis.
Travis finally climbed out of the car and slid up to her, leaning in close to her body while she continued her entertainment. He placed his hands on her hips, gradually easing them up her body in time with her movements. His hips matched hers the best they could and soon he had his arms wrapped tight around her, his body pressed into hers. Ashley felt fire shoot through her and she reached her arms up behind her to his neck. Travis leaned over until his lips were grazing her neck just below her ear.
“Let’s go,” he whispered so seductively she felt an startled tingle shoot through her. She slowly turned around until she was in his arms and their lips met, their tongues entwining expertly, making the most out of each movement. Before Ashley knew it he’d slid his hands up her shirt and lifted it over her head. Her cotton sports bra did nothing to hide the hardened nipples of her perfect size 36 breasts. Travis’s hands immediately found their way to them, squeezing and smoothing to his delight. Ashley lifted her boyfriend’s shirt up over his he and laid her hands on his chest, sliding down to his six-pack abs then back up to his shoulders. Suddenly, his hands fell to her shorts and he pulled away from the kiss to unbuckle her belt and drop her shorts. There was no question where this was going and suddenly, there was no way to stop…
--- to be continued in next notice… |
Title: 8 love dove love shove
Tags: True Story, Boy / Boy, Humiliation, Plumper, Romance, Teen Male/Teen Female, Young
Introduction:
Just sit back and enjoy the ride!
Content:
15 MEEK FREAK
"Maria, you look marvelous today."
"Thanks Jeff, I'm concerned. Kids are saying mean things about you."
"Yeah, Alex told me too. No one has the courage to tell me to my face."
"They will, when they can gang up on you."
"Ya think. Maria, I don't know if I can handle that."
"Jesus will be with you."
"Yeah. This Jesus stuff is sinking in. Jesus is God's Son. God is a team, a team of three persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. A love triangle that works. Yeah, God is by my side, but he's the reason I'm in this mess."
"Remember what Joshua said."
"Joshua who?"
"The man who interpreted after you spoke in tongues."
"What did he say?"
"Trust God, because he knows what he's doing."
"Yeah! That's a no-brainer. How easy I forget."
When they get to Maria's home, they kiss and hug on the front lawn. Out of nowhere someone barks, "No smooching in front of my house."
A startled Jeff turns, then laughs, "Jose, you're gonna pay someday."
Jose kisses Jeff on each cheek, "Thanks for lighting a fire in my heart Sunday."
"I'd like to take credit, but that was a God thing."
"For sure. My friends caught the fire too."
"Totally awesome! I'll see you."
After more hugging and kissing with his love dove, Jeff heads for home. On the way, he overhears, "Hey, there's dragon-tongue himself."
Another boy calls, "Hey Jeff, come here," but Jeff pretends he doesn't hear. So the six boys swagger on an intercept course.
One razzes, "Hey Jesus freak. Nice halo."
Another scorns, "Got no words for us now, dumb dork? What else do you do with that tongue?
Another scoffs, "Yeah, he's so faggotronical, wetting another noodle every day."
"So poofter, can you repeat that baby talk? Come on Jeffairy."
Jeff shoots silent prayers to heaven as the six boys surround him. The biggest boy taunts, "I ran out of toilet paper. Could I borrow your tongue, oh great grundle licker?"
Jeff finds himself walking face to face with this local linebacker, hugging him, and softly saying, "God will meet all your needs." Jeff continues home without another word said.
16 TAME FLAME, SHAME GAME
Fred comments, "Thanks, Sean for letting me go swimming in your pool."
"You're welcome dude!"
"I can't believe my dad's gonna be in your wedding! He used to hate you."
"I can't say I had a good first impression of him either!"
"Yeah, he told me about that."
Totally surprised, "Oh really! I didn't think he would dare. He must trust you a lot."
"I never thought about it that way. I guess so."
"You don't seem bothered about finding out about your dad's distained desires."
"Oh, I knew for a long time."
"Really? Are we on the same page?"
Getting out of the pool, "Yeah. It used to hurt me that he wouldn't look at me the way he looked at other boys. I thought he loved everybody but me. That hurt so bad. I've tried everything to get him to love me."
"That's quite a surprise to me but I think I understand. But somewhere alone the way you must have heard horrible things people would say about adults sexually attracted to children."
Sitting next to Sean, "That never bothered me. I knew my dad never would molest a kid. I still wanted him to look at me like that."
"What about now?"
"I just wish anybody would look at me like that!"
Sean laughs, "That's not what I mean! But don't worry--somebody's gonna see how special you are and want you in that special way!
"I pray for that everyday."
"I meant to ask if you still want your dad to look at you that way."
"Oh, I guess not. I know now how much he really loves me. That just flips me out!"
Sean gives Fred a tender hug, "It looks like Jeff's finished with his chores. I'll leave the two of you alone."
Wiping a teardrop from his eye, "Thanks Sean!" ... Hey Jeff, let's go in the pool!"
"Hey big guy, I'm in the mood."
As Jeff heads for the pool, "Jeff, you gotta get a bathing suit first."
"Who needs a bathing suit?"
"You mean Sean let's you, uh, you know, skinny dip!"
"Yup, I taught him how."
"God's gonna strike you with a bolt of lightning. Yeah, I hear he already did. It's cool how you stood up to the fang gang."
"Thanks, Fred. Let's take it off."
"Slow down! I can't without my dad's permission."
"OK, I'll call him."
"Uh, no, don't bother."
Sensing Fred's discomfort, "Good. Strip naked."
Sheepishly, "My bathing suit's wet already. Why take it off?"
"If you're scared, say you're scared!"
"You got me super pissed.... OK, I'm scared shitless."
Compassionately, "What's scary to you, Fred?"
Feeling helpless, "I don't know?"
"Do you shower with clothes on?"
"No."
"So you don't want me to see you naked?"
Sighing, "I guess not."
"Fred, it's no big deal to me. I can see it is to you and I respect that. I usually swim naked or in my undies. What do you want me to do?"
Relieved, "You're underwear are fine."
"OK," as Jeff drops his shorts. Jeff sees Fred cower in fear. "What's wrong good buddy?"
"Nothing, Last one in is a rotten egg!" Both dart into the pool. Suddenly Fred seems to be himself again.
They play basketball with a floating hoop. Jeff's no competition for Fred, but they have lots of fun anyhow. When Jeff gets out of the pool, Fred cringes in pain that he cannot hide. "Fred, there you go again. Please tell me what's wrong."
Breaking down in tears, "I'm jealous as hell!" Jeff quickly jumps back into the pool, putting his arm around Fred. Fred cries harder. Jeff says nothing, but continues holding Fred. "I'm such a deek. Girls go wild over you and don't know I exist," still crying a bit. "Seeing you in your skimpy wet underwear, your urkel-tight underwear, makes me feel like a total loser. I wish I could pop my stomach! Or move some of it to where it counts."
"Well, you're a super friend to me. If you start feeling OK about your body, you'll probably get yourself a girlfriend."
"Yeah, right!"
"That's what it took for me!"
"No way!"
"For sure!"
"How could you not feel good about your perfect body!"
"One kid's trash is another kid's treasure."
Fred gives Jeff a hug, "Thanks, you're way cool.... But I still don't believe you."
"Even some models feel devastated by the slightest flaw. If they don't get over it, they hurt their career. Then they blame the flaw for the problem. The one's that feel good about themselves are the one's that move ahead."
"Makes sense. But what flaw did you possibly see in yourself?"
Jeff hangs his head, "It's embarrassing.... My dick."
"Yeah, right!"
"Really! But that's the point. We gotta get over whatever flaw we think we have."
"OK, but don't skirt around this. What could you possibly think was wrong with your perfect pecker?"
Not wanting to answer, "My head is small compared to the rest of my dick. Don't you dare repeat that to anyone."
"You're serious!" Straight-faced, "You have a serious problem."
Laughing, "Cute, Fred. So are you ready to get naked?"
"No way!"
"It's a great way to feel better about your body. Just strip while you're in the water."
"Well.... I don't know."
"You think to much. Don't worry about it. Some other time. I gotta ask my dad something. Why don't you shower and get dressed?"
When Jeff finishes, he sees Fred in the pool yet, so he walks over. When Fred sees Jeff coming, his face turns beet red. Quickly he fumbles around in the water. "Now what, Fred?"
Full of shame, "I took my bathing suit off."
"Good for you!"
"It felt OK until you came back."
"Freddy spaghetti! Don't worry, be happy!"
Flustered, "I can't help it, Jeff."
"I know. Hand me your bathing suit."
"I have it on again."
"So, take it off."
"I don't know, Jeff."
"Don't think. Just do it." Surprisingly, Fred complies, turning red again. "Good, now hand me your bathing suit."
"You won't give it back if I do."
"Trust me." As Fred freezes, "Just do it, buddy." Fred complies, but panic runs through his whole body. "Take a slow deep breathe, buddy." Eventually Fred gets the hang of it. "Now look me in the eyes." Very reluctantly, Fred slowly raises his eyes, briefly exchanging eye contact. "That was great, Fred! Do it again--longer." With determination Fred does, breaking down in quiet tears as he holds eye contact.
"I feel calm, Jeff. I feel calm!"
"Congratulations!" handing Fred his bathing suit. |
Title: 8 months clean and yet
Tags: Fantasm, Drug, First Time, Gay
Introduction:
Just thinking back to what I miss doing
Content:
I moved overseas and have not found a connect yet but I still remember.
I can still see myself prepping the point. I pull the plunger out and then add some crystal to the .25 line. I put the plunger back in and push it down so it’s sitting at the top but not compressing. I take the cap off and put it in warm water and then draw the water in by pulling the plunger back till it’s around .45 or.50 water level. Cap goes back on and I let it dissolve. It only takes a few moments. I look at it and carefully remove any excess air. I then line it up to where my vein is near the crook of my arm. No tie off needed. I feel the needle enter my skin and sometimes I even feel it pop as it enters the vein. I pull back to confirm and see as the clear liquid is mixed with my blood. I take a deep breath and let it out again. I then push the plunger down and empty the contents into my vein. I quickly pull the needle out and set it down and then put my finger on the spot and lift my arm over my head. I quickly feel warmth rising in my arm to the rest of my body. My breath tightens a little and I may even cough. There is a metallic taste in the back of my throat. Then I am riding the wave. I am warm all over, my skin is sensitive to the touch. More then likely I will want to get naked. Cloths are just a pain and in the way.
I quickly and do mean quickly strip off my cloths.
Now the fun starts.
My friend is doing his slam. I get down and take his cock in my mouth as he slams. My eyes are up watching him as I lick and suck him. I make sure he is in my mouth as his slam hits as well. I feel him shudder and shake a little. Then we move to a more comfortable position. We get in a 69 on the bed. I tend to be on top. I am sucking and playing with his cock and also dipping my tongue down to his hole. He also starts working on my hole and though I keep my hands on him I end up sitting more upright so he can get to my hole better. I am so in need and what I want, what I need is to be fucked and my friend knows this as well.
I start to crawl forward into a doggy position and as his legs become clear gets up behind me. No lube his spit is all I need. He enters me and I just moan and purr like a bitch in heat. Well that's what I am at the moment in total heat to get fucked and used by cocks and filled with cum.
He fucks me for a while and then we move to turn the camera on. I am on my knees ass up head down so people can see my hole. He is beside me playing with his own cock and hole and we invite others to come over.
I play with both girls and guys. I generally just chase after girls but when you use crystal you just like sex and can be satisfied with either or both.
And I can have some of the wildest and pervy fantasies ever when I am high.
I really enjoy the wild sex and such I have on meth. It's a true sex drug if there ever was one.
One of my favorites is that time travel exists but not your normal time travel but more along the lines of going back to being you when you were 19 or any other age.
For me I think what life would be like if I was introduced to crystal injections when I was really getting to know sex and what it was about.
It's summer. I am mostly reading books, and hanging out with my friends and such. No computers like we have now so no internet porn. Had to get your thrills from magazines and story books. That's how I got good at eating pussy. The stories were so detailed on what a pussy was like, how to touch it and everything. When I finally got to go down on a girl she loved it and pretty much every girl after as well though I digress.
I was curious though and saw some add about getting a blow job. I am horny and thinking it's just a blow job what do I care who does it. So I wrote a letter and gave out the phone number with specific times to call. must of been 2-3 weeks later, maybe even a month I got a call and it was from this guy. He keeps it light and easy. Says he has some videos I could watch while I get a blow job. I tell him we can't do anything here and he offers to pick me up and for some silly reason I agree. We arrange for Friday morning at 10:00 am sharp. He is prompt and off we go. He has the radio on and I am kind of fidgety. About a half hour, maybe 45 minutes we get to his place and he pulls in the garage and lowers it and in his house we go. It seems generally clean and he takes me into what he calls his fun room. He has a tv in there and a vcr. It's situated in such a way that the bed is the best place to watch it. So up we go and he starts the movie. It's some pretty girls and several guys. Were watching and I am liking it and know I am getting horny. I had been way nervous till now.
He suggests we take our shirts off and I do and then our pants. Here I am in my underwear sitting with this older guy in his underwear watching a fuck flick. I jump when I feel him touch me. He pulls back and hands me a glass of soda. I drink it up as he suggests. I was nervous. I go back to watching the movie and in a short while I feel a little strange but in a good way. He again starts to rub my leg and slowly moves his hand up to my underwear. Soon his hand is inside playing with my cock and rubbing it and such. At some point he must of pushed my underwear down because there gone and he is leaning over licking and sucking my cock. I am really enjoying it.
He asks me if I would like to play with his cock too and I say something about girls but please don't stop.
He continues and i notice he sometimes licks all the way to my ass and even has fingers caressing it and pushing in as he licks. He never actually pushes a finger in but is teasing and making me feel really good.
He stops and sits up and at some point he must have got completely naked too because I can see his big hairy balls and a very fat and hard cock sticking up.
I start to play with my cock and continue watching the movie. You might say I am distracted and focused and the sex. The movie is changing up. Going from guy girl to more guys then the one girl and the guys seem to be playing with each other as well.
At some point I semi noticed a band on my upper arm. and he is holding it on a pillow but I go back to the movie. I hear him say hold still this may pinch but don't worry. I feel the pinch and as if in slow motion I start to look over and by the time I see he is pulling a syringe from my arm. He smiles at me and says no worries just a little pick me up. You will love it.
Then he removes the band.
My throat seems to tighten, I can't really breath almost like trying to catch my breath. Several huge coughs. He pulls me down so i am laying on my back. My ears seems to be slightly ringing and my eyes are all blurry and unfocused. I try to mumble and that's about all it was. My head is totally fuzzy. I feel strange all over. I notice I am playing with my cock and I am feeling so horny yet I am so soft and seem so small.
I feel his mouth on my cock again and I just moan it feels so good.
He stops sits up and moves up closer to me and asks how I am feeling. He is touching me all over as he is doing this. I get out the words it feels good and what was that.
I think I hear him say that was my girl Crystal. Can't be sure though. It seems all a blur.
He rolls me on my side and again starts playing with my ass. while kissing me and switching off with my nipples as well. I feel his finger slip in and though I should protest it just feels to good.
In fact as he is fingering me I start to rock my hips back and forth trying to get more of his finger. What does he do, he stops.
I mumble out please don't stop. I hear him say "Oh you like that". Does it feel good? I focus and say yes. He gets me up on my hands and knees and gets behind me and I again feel his fingers and something else being rubbed up and down my hole. What can I say it is feeling really good.
Again he stops only what ever he was rubbing up and down is stopped right at my hole with just enough pressure to have me feel him there but not enough to push in.
He asks me do I want more? I say yes. he then says well the only way I am getting more is to get his cock in me and was that what i wanted? I should have screamed load and clear no. Didn't happen. I was saying please and I actually was pushing back a little. Just enough for more pressure but not forcing it in me. it just felt so good there.
He feels my slight push back and grabs my hips in a tight grip. Then he pushes and pushes more I want to say stop because it is starting to hurt but the words don't come. The next thing is he pops in my hole. Once he is in me he pauses for just a moment. Never have i ever felt anything like that.There was pressure and surprise even some hurt and yet it felt good too.
Then he just pushes all the way in me. There was another brief surprise as he slips past what i come to find out in the internal ring to the next section. He only stops when he is totally in me.
Then he starts to slowly move inside of me. Just a couple of inches back and forth. The feeling changes from pressure to more joy and pleasure. Soon enough he is long dicking me pulling almost all the way out to then sick back full depth. At some point I notice my own cock is still soft but is dripping like crazy.
Soon he asks me how I am loving getting fucked and being his boipussy slam slut. All I can do is just groan and moan and hoping this never stops.
I have no idea how long he fucked me. I do know he had me sit on him for time, and even on my back with my feet on his shoulders etc...
Then he started grunting and says get ready here it comes and i feel him do one last deep hard push and hold inside of me. Is it possible I feel him expand. He is shooting his cum into my formally virgin hole.
It goes on from there as he introduces me to full on perv sex.
In real life I was a much older man when i was introduced to cocks and asses and most definitely to injecting crystal into my veins. I almost wonder if I have missed out by not being introduced to all of this at a younger age though what that age is only I know. |
Title: ( 8 ) More fun at Steves
Tags: True Story, Anal, Ass to mouth, Ass to pussy, Bestiality, Cum Swallowing, Fisting, Group Sex, Water Sports/Pissing
Introduction:
we have a full weekend of fucking
Content:
When we confirmed with Steve we would be at his place Friday night till Sunday night and to invite as many guys as he knew, as we had already sent of heaps of sms's, he said this was great news as he had lots of guys already lined up.
I finnished and got home mid Friday afternoon, cleaning ourselves out ready for the weekend, Joy was set to go, her toys and any thing we needed packed ready, her body looked good as she slipped on a see though dress.
Steve had his place set up too, two double beds and all the gear needed for us to keep them happy, Joy soon found a cock to fill her pussy as the guys arrived.
I waited for a guy I know loves to fuck my ass hard, his cock is around 9 inches long and thick, and I wasn't kept waiting long as he stripped and fucked my arse for the first of many anal cums that weekend.
Joy was now being used by 3 guys, one in each hole as she moaned with each new orgasm, cum was pooling under her now as more guys unloaded in her body, I saw her 18 inch dildo disapeer up her ass as another guy fisted her pussy, then they swapped around, the good thing we have told them all, is that as long as they don't hurt her, and Joy is ok with what they are doing, then to try and do what ever they want to, and now they seemed happy to play with her.
I took on more guys, several took turns fisting me while others fucked my ass, then I wanted more, Joy was already being fucked by one of the dogs, so I knelt next to her ready to take on a dog, a guy wanted to dp me with him, so laying on his cock, I got Steve to aim the dogs cock in with him, both cocks filling me to the max, as the dog took control and fucked hard and fast, the guy in me just had to lay and feel the pressure and fiction of the cocks together to make him cum.
His cock slipped out, allowing the knot to enter, sealing my ass for the onslaught of cum to follow, it was lovely, the dog shot reams of cum deep inside me, and stayed knotted for about 10 minutes each time he moved set off another anal orgasm for me.
Joy was already free from her dog, and guys set about filling her ass and pussy with more cum, then she told them to get the horse, her ass wanted a big cock in it, she was strapped in and the black horse brought up, his cock showing as Steve got him ready, Joy let out a soft moan as some 10 inchs of horse meat went up her ass.
This time the horse didn't last to long, her bowles filled to over flowing as he shot deep inside her then pulled out to soak them all with cum, several guys happy to eat his cum from her now as other then took turns pissing on her to wash it off too, the more we played the kinkier the guys were getting, and that suited us just fine.
I was next, as Joy was lifted of the frame I was strapped on, my butt opened by a fist ready for the next horse, and I didn't have to wait long, 14 inchs of horse flesh quickly filled my arse, and used me, a good sniff of the poppers realxed my ass just in time too, this horse was big, my mouth also filled with cock and cum.
I felt the horse pull out, his cock still shooting cum over me, then just as quick one of the dogs was lead up and took his turn fucking my ass, his knot just locking in my now slack hole, when he cum, his knot couldn't hold it all and most leaked out, the guys had fun using me to piss on too and clean of some of the horse cum, a nice warm shower soon got me back into action.
Joy was once more implayed on several cocks, as the guys held her up and lowered her down onto their cocks, each time she would let out a moan as they filled her holes, every time they filled her with hot cum, the guys would change around and other take over, she was in a contant state of orgasm now, between the dogs and guys her body was fucked constantly..
I saw them lift her up and ram two fists into her, sending her into a constant orgasm, every time she came they seemed to try and shove more into her, her ass so open now she could take most of the guys arm, at one time I'm sure she had two fists in her ass and a guy trying to fist her pussy too, but she couldn't quite take this and let out a soft scream, the guys quickly began to lick her sore pussy and send her into another orgasm though.
A couple of times, we both sat on one or the the others guys fists, Joy on one arm me on the other as more guys fucked our mouths or her pussy, we did any thing they wanted, dp with a dog, or three cocks in us, by now our holes opened up quite easy, mind you the poppers always help too.
By early morning, we had taken all the dogs and horse's more than once, and the guys started to leave saying they would be back for more tomorrow, we told them to wait until mid day so we could rest a bit, I have no idea of how many guys were there, but we sure did have fun, can't wait till tomorrow afternoon for more, Steve told us to clean up some, and sleep in with him, Joy took some more of his cum before we fell of to sleep.
I woke to the sound of Joy being fucked, Steve was using his morning woddy to fuck her, after he filled her with cum, we took her outside and emptied our bladders over her, a nice swim and shower before some food got the day started.
A few guys arrived early, eager to fuck us both again, my ass was opened up by Gary who loves fucking me, and then pissing in my ass now, Joy was on her back, legs up and pussy full of cock, while Steve kept her mouth open with his cock, more guys turned up and the day was on.
It was around mid afternoon, we both had been fucked by the dogs, and the guys there, when a woman, unknown to us turned up, she was brought along by one of the guys who knew her, she was stripped and guys began to use her body as well, she had great tits too, possible e cups.
Joy and her put on a show for the guys, then Joy showed how the dogs loved to fuck her ass, Carol asked what it felt like being fucked by a dog, so myself and another guy held her, while the Germaan Shepard was brought up, his tongue going to work on her pussy, sent her into a great orgasm.
I asked her did she want to let him mount her, a muffled yes, was all I got, as she screamed though another orgasm, so quickly, we let him jump up his cock found her pussy and went in, by now she didn't seem to care, as he fucked her faster than any guy can.
Carol took most of his cock, but the knot didn't go in, the dog seemed to try harder than normal, but to no avail, so after some 10 minutes, he blew his wad of cum, most leaking out as Carol screamed in delight. I went down and ate his cum from her pussy, then took a mouth full of hot dog cum to her, kissing her she pulled back, but quickly gave in and shared his sweat cum with me, her pussy was already being used a guy who filled her with his load.
I lay a guy down, pushing his cock in her pussy, then I began to push my cock into her ass, she called out, saying she had never done anal, with a bit of spit I eased it in, her mouth said one thing her body another, as she pushed back, more and more going in as she began to orgasm on my cock.
Joy and I use a douche to make sure we are clean before anal, but Carol hadn't, so I only went in about 4 inchs or so, and fucked her like that, the guy in her pussy let fly, more cum spilled out, as my cock slipped in further still, that was it, my balls let loose too, I told Carol, she was about to get her first anal cum load, she went into a another orgasm sending us both over the top.
As Carol came down, my cock slipped out, so carefully I led her into the shower, with some warm water we set about cleaning up the dog cum on her, then I told her to bend over, my cock went back in her ass, and I let go my piss, filling her bowels she jumped, then with a loud noise her brown eye let all my cum and piss fly out.
She told me that was enjoyable, and glad I had fucked her ass, so I took her and showed her how to use our douche, and said rejoin us when you feel its all clean inside and see what we do to you then, her eyes told me she was keen for more.
I was taking one of the dogs when Carol came back, her face flushed but eager to learn, she came and knelt next to me watching my ass take the knot and cum from a doberman, his cock jerking as he sent loads of nice cum into my ass, I told Carol to lay under me when he pulled out, and watch his knot and cock closer, of course she didn't think about the doggy cum that would run out of me.
As the knot slipped out, I held my ass as tight as possible, holding the cum inside me, Carol was now looking up her mouth full of my cock, as I eased back a bit, then let go, she coughed and gagged as his cum flooded her face and mouth, then smacked my ass to punish me, for pulling that trick on her.
The day continued, with us all getting fucked by the guys, Carol let another dog fuck her pussy, then when she saw Joy taking the horse's cock in her ass, she nearly fainted, espically when he shot gallons of cum deep up her ass and over her back, when the guys went and licked it up, Carol took some and licked her fingers, then kissed Joy sharing more horse cum with her.
I also got straped in, and another horse brought up, his cock, went right in my abused ass, he snorted as his cock jerked and spasmed inside me filling my body with cum, Joy got ready, as he moved away she lay down, the cum covered her boobs and face, as guys used her butt for fun, once more Carol looked shocked but slowly helped clean her up.
By the end of the night, Steve said he was going to see if Carol wanted to stay over, she was sore but still taking guys cock in her pussy, I think I was the only one to fuck her ass, we lay talking, Carol shocked that the human body can take so much cock and cum, espically the horse, we told her it has been a long ride to get cocks that big in us, and using the amyl sure helps.
She had never used amyl, so I let her sniff it, her eyes rolled back, and she looked a lot more relaxed, so with one last effort my cock found her ass, and I pushed in, this time she really got into it, pushing back hard and riding me, I gave her more amyl, and she went wild, her body rocking on my meat in her ass, I should have let her try it before. It took me some time to build up enough cum in my balls, but when I felt them ready to empty into her bowels I let loose, sending us both into a great orgasm. Joy ate my cum from Carol's ass, then we lay talking before falling of to sleep.
. |
Title: 8 Years Later
Tags: Fantasy, Anal, Ass to mouth, Blowjob, Cheating, Cum Swallowing
Introduction:
A kinky reunion between two former lovers.
Content:
"329, 331, 333..."
I muttered to myself, reading the numbers off the doors as I made my way
down the narrow hotel hallway. I could almost hear the sound of my own
nervous heartbeat over the quiet buzzing of a nearby ice machine as I
pushed my hand into my pocket to pull out a folded, crumpled piece of
paper. Cursing myself for the inability to calm my shaking nerves, I
unfolded the small parchment and read the number scrawled upon it.
"335."
My eyes moved from the paper up to the door before me.
"335."
This was it. Behind that door waited a night of unparalleled carnal
pleasure, but could very well lead to months of shameful regret. I
thought briefly about my girlfriend Kim back home, trying with great
difficulty to suppress the feelings of guilt that were beginning to
weigh heavy on my mind. I had cheated on girlfriends in the past, but
Kim was different. I could actually see myself marrying her one day.
She was perfect in almost every way.
Almost.
I took a deep breath and stared vacantly at the closed door. I knew
that once I stepped into that room, there would be no turning back. I
knew that once I saw Tara again there would be no restraining my
desires. For 8 long years I had been replaying our past sexual
exploits in my head, all the while searching in vain for the one woman
that could possible compare in terms of sexual prowess. In the two
short years we had spent together I had evolved from inexperienced
virginity to complete sexual freedom, as Tara had taken pride in
fulfilling my every sexual desire. She had also been happy to share
her many fantasies with our mutual interests and understanding leading
to 24 months of pure carnal bliss. In a way, she had actually ruined
me for other women as my standards for sexual adventure had developed
beyond what most girls would deem appropriate.
I continued to stall as my mind began to process the various
consequences that could arise from this long awaited reunion. Although
Tara had been a wet dream come true for an 18 year old virgin, our
problems outside the bedroom were considerable. Along with her
considerable sexual experience came a fair amount of emotional baggage
that I had not been fully equipped to deal with at the time. Over the
years, however, the memories of our various problems had faded, leaving
only the torrid details of our numerous salacious adventures.
I began to wonder how much Tara had changed during our time apart. Now
married with three children, I assumed she had matured considerably
from the 20 year old single mother I had met all those years ago.
Apart from being an extraordinary sexual partner, Tara had always
possessed a vibrant personality that made her a joy to be with outside
the bedroom as well as within. My only hope was that years of marriage
and suburban life had not yet crushed her adventurous spirit. Judging
from the witty and provocative emails we had exchanged in the past
couple months my guess was that it had not.
But there was only one way to find out. I raised my fist and knocked on
the door.
The next few seconds left like an eternity as I waited patiently. My
heart began to race even faster when I heard the rattling of the chain
lock followed by a sharp "click" as the door was unlocked from the
inside. With a quick motion, the door swung open and for the first time
in years my eyes fell upon the woman that had occupied my thoughts for
the better part of the previous decade.
Tara's face was aglow with noticeable excitement as she greeted me with
an exuberant smile. Her contagious expression of happiness soon caught
me and I smiled back as my eyes worked quickly to take in the familiar
figure standing before me. Dressed in a simple blue dress, she looked
sexy but elegant as she stepped aside to allow me to enter the room.
"Hey," she said, beaming with enthusiasm.
"Hi," I answered, slightly overwhelmed with the situation.
I strolled into the room as Tara shut the door before turning back
towards me. Before I could say another word she threw her arms around
me pressing her body into mine.
"I can't believe you're actually here," she muttered, hugging me
tightly.
I returned the hug, my face pressed against her neck as the long
forgotten scent of vanilla once again brought a series of memories
rushing back. After a momentary embrace, she pulled away slightly
pausing for a brief moment to look into my eyes with her sparkling blue
orbs.
"Wow," she exclaimed, stepping back to scan up and down my body. "You
look exactly the same!"
"Is that a good thing?" I asked with a chuckle, as I began to pull off
my jacket.
"Oh yes," she answered quickly, biting her bottom lip as her eyes roamed
over me.
I smiled as I tossed my jacket over the back of a nearby chair. Tara
always knew how to make me feel good.
"Want something to drink?" she asked, motioning to a selection of liquor
bottles assembled on a desk on the other side of the room.
"Yeah, sure," I answered, sitting down on one of the beds as she turned
towards the desk.
"What do you feel like?" she asked, strolling across the room. "I
didn't know what you drink so I kind of got...everything."
"Whatever you're having," I replied as I leaned back and watched my
ex-girlfriend fumble with the assortment of bottles.
"Gin?" she called back over her shoulder, causing me to wrinkle my nose
in disgust.
"Umm...How about vodka?"
Tara laughed and set the bottle of gin back down.
"Oh yeah. I forgot you hate gin."
As she prepared the drinks I took the opportunity to watch her,
breathing deeply as I carefully studied her every move. Her light blue
dress was open in the back, allowing a large proportion of her smooth,
sexy back to be visible, covered only by a pair of thin straps that
crossed each other before looping over her shoulders. Her auburn hair
was now a lighter shade, almost strawberry-blonde, and tied into a pony
tail that bounced against the back of her neck as she moved. The dress
itself came down to her mid thigh, allowing my hungry eyes an ample
view of her delectable legs. As she had given birth to three kids, I
had been mildly concerned that Tara's figure would have suffered, but
to my surprise it had not. In fact, it appeared as though she had lost
weight since the last time I had seen her last and her body had assumed
a more toned, athletic look while still retaining many of her ample,
luscious curves.
As she turned towards me, her hands each holding a liquid filled glass,
I noticed something else different about Tara. The front of her dress
came down into a v-shape, permitting a generous view of her ample
cleavage. Her breasts seemed not only larger than I remember, but also
much more round and shapely. At first, I thought it might be the bra
she was wearing but the lack of straps or lines under the light fabric
soon dismissed that notion.
Tara handed me the glass with a smile. She then took a seat on the bed
across from me, leaning back crossing her legs. As she did so, her
dress slid further up her thighs and I found my eyes wandering downward
as I took a sip of my drink.
"Two beds?" I asked, glancing around the room. "Are you expecting
company?"
"Maybe," she replied, raising her eyebrows. "Why? Did you have someone
in mind?"
I smiled and took another drink before shaking my head. "Not at the
moment."
"Aww, that's too bad," Tara whined, her full, pink lips pouting with
mock sadness. "We never did get the chance to have a threesome."
I just smiled. If I was worried that Tara had lost her playful nature,
those fears were quickly vanquished. Every word she spoke seemed to be
dripping with blatant innuendo. In fact, she obviously did not share
my apprehension, and appeared to be more excited than nervous.
"But that's okay," she continued casting me an amorous look. "I want
you all to myself tonight anyway."
As we continued with the obligatory small talk, my eye caught the
shimmering diamond ring on her finger as she brought her glass to her
lips. Tara noticed my distraction as she glanced at me and then down
at her hand. I tried to pretend I hadn't noticed, but it was too late.
"Does it bother you?" she asked, holding out the wedding ring that
encircled her slender finger. "I can take it off if you want?"
"No, no," I responded.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
When I had first located Tara on Facebook and found out she was married,
I did experience a tinge of jealousy. That jealously had since
dissipated, but I was unsure of how she felt about cheating on her
husband.
"What did you tell him?" I asked, my curiosity overwhelming my better
judgment.
"I told him I was going to visit my sister," she answered with
complacency.
She was obviously not too bothered with the prospect of adultery, which
made me wonder if she had cheated on me during our relationship.
"It doesn't bother you at all?" I asked, pressing the issue further.
"You don't feel...guilty?"
Tara gave her shoulders a quick shrug and then downed the rest of her
drink.
"A little," she said, getting up to get another. "It's just that..."
I remained silent, awaiting the rest of her response.
"...I've been married for a few years now and..."
She paused as if trying to find the right words.
"He's a great guy, and I love him and everything, but..."
"But what?" I pressed, cocking my head in curiosity.
"We just don't have that...sexual connection. Like you and I had."
"I know what you mean," I stated bluntly as I finished my drink.
"Why? Do you feel guilty?" she asked, turning the tables on me as she
poured us both another drink.
"A little," I answered truthfully, although my guilt was quickly
subsiding under the influence of alcohol and Tara's irresistible sexual
aura.
"Are you sure it doesn't bother you?" she asked again, bringing the
topic of conversation back to her wedding ring. "I can take it off."
"No," I assured, as I accepted another drink. "In fact..."
"What?" she asked, tilting her head in anticipation.
"It...kind of...turns me on,"
Tara's inquisitive expression unfolded into a smile and she gazed at me
intently.
"Really?" she muttered with sudden understanding. "You have a thing for
married women now?"
I shrugged.
"I guess so."
Tara giggled and took another drink.
"Well that's good," she cooed, as she let her lips linger on the glass
while staring at me with a look of intense, lustful desire. "Because
I've been waiting eight years to have you again."
I couldn't help but smile.
"You've been thinking about this a lot huh?" I asked, growing more
comfortable with the situation.
"Yes!" she exclaimed with exuberance. "It's all I've been thinking about
since I first found you on Facebook."
"We did have some good times," I said with a nod as I referred back to
our various erotic endeavors.
"Great times," Tara corrected emphatically, causing me to smile once
more.
"Soooo...." I began, my inhibitions slowly slipping away. "What exactly
have you been thinking about?"
"Oh, just reminiscing," she answered coyly as she tossed her head back
and rolled her eyes in avoidance of my question.
"Reminiscing about...?" I pressed with increasing insistence.
"Oh, I don't know," she muttered with a smile, continuing to play her
little game as she stood up and took a step towards me. "How about the
time we were at my friend's party and you dragged me into the bathroom
and bent me over the sink?"
I swallowed hard as Tara stood over me. Using her legs to push my knees
apart, she moved closer pressing her thigh against my crotch. I
looked up into her eyes as she smiled down at me, feeling the growing
hardness between my legs pressed against her naked leg.
"Uh huh," I muttered softly. "I remember."
"And you pulled my pants down..." she continued, inching ever closer.
"And fucked me from behind."
I nodded.
"And you had to put your hand over my mouth to keep the other people at
the party from hearing me moan. I remember you fucking me hard and
sliding your finger up my ass."
I smiled, recalling the provocative scene as Tara nudged closer,
straddling my thigh as she ran a hand down my back. My body tingled
with excitement as I felt her long awaited touch. Pressing close to
me, she touched her lips to my neck, letting them linger for a moment
before moving upwards.
"That..." she continued, whispering into my ear. "...is what I've been
thinking about."
Moving her head back, we soon found ourselves staring into each other's
eyes. We held our intense gaze for a brief moment before our lust
overtook our inhibitions and we became entangled in a long, deep kiss.
Tara moaned softly into my mouth as our tongues danced and she pressed
her body into mine. Our escalating passion was soon halted, however,
as Tara accidentally tipped her glass a little too far, sending a
moderate amount of dark liquid spilling out down over her hand and onto
the bed.
"Oops," she giggled, stepping back holding the drink at arm's length.
"Got a little too excited there."
I smiled and moved over on the bed, avoiding the newly formed wet spot
as Tara walked over to the table and set down her glass. She then
looked over to me as she sucked her fingers clean of the spilled
liquid.
"By the way..." she began, seductively sucking her middle finger.
"Notice anything different about me?"
As she spoke, she turned sideways and pushed her chest out motioning to
her breasts with a raised eyebrowed expression.
"Yeah...," I began, stroking my chin as I realized what she was implying
with her less than subtle tactics. "I thought there was something
different about those. Are they...?"
"Fake?" Tara blurted out enthusiastically. "Yep."
I almost laughed at my ex girlfriend's candid manor, although her
outright disclosure certainly did not surprise me. When we were
together, she had always talked about getting breast implants, but our
financial situation at the time did not allow it.
"My twenty-eighth birthday present," she explained. "What do you
think?"
"They look great," I complimented as I took another drink.
"Thanks," she said simply, walking back towards me. "But I know you're
not much of a tit man."
"Yeah," I agreed, laughing. "I think you liked them more than I did."
The statement was not an exaggeration. Tara's bisexual nature was well
known, and her predilection for busty women had been all too obvious.
"Yes. Yes I did," she agreed, a wide smile lighting her face with
exuberance.
"So..." she continued, turning her back to me and casting a sheepish
glance at me over her shoulder. "Are you still an ass man then?"
"And leg," I corrected, smiling back at her as my eyes scanned down her
body as she playfully presented herself to me, arching her back in
order to emphasize her backside for my viewing enjoyment.
Tara took a few steps closer to me and pulled the light blue fabric of
her dress tight around her ass as she slowly bent forward.
I bit my lip as I sat back, taking in Tara's playful tease.
"Did you miss THIS ass?" she asked seductively, overtly displaying her
every curve under the tightly stretched fabric.
"Yes, I did," I responded, adjusting my pants in order to accommodate
the increasing growth within. "In fact, I think you should bring it a
little closer."
"Oh yeah?" she said, slowly inching her dress up her legs. "Is someone
getting turned on?"
"Maybe..."
"Good," Tara answered, suddenly releasing her dress and standing back up
straight.
I stared blankly with confusion as she quickly dismissed her provocative
act and walked over to me. Her eyes remained locked on mine as she
sauntered across the floor. Reaching down, she placed her hand on the
throbbing bulge in my pants, smiling slightly as she felt my increasing
hardness.
"I'm going to go change," she said softly, her hand gently squeezing.
"Change?" I asked, my pulse racing once again.
Tara nodded.
"I bought a special outfit for you."
I smiled.
"So...," she began, as she leaned in and kissed me. "I want you to sit
here and think about all the dirty little things that I'm going to do
to you when I come back."
I nodded, trying hard to maintain my eagerness.
"Good," she said once more, flashing a quick smile before turning and
abruptly walking away.
I watched as she made her way into the bathroom, closing the door
without another word. Unable to sit patiently, I immediately finished
my drink and hopped up. As I fixed myself another drink, my hands
trembled with anticipation. I quickly quaffed the newly prepared
beverage, before leaving the empty glass on the table. As the warmth
of the alcohol flowed through me, I hoped it was enough. I did not
want to be falling down drunk, but I did desire enough inebriation to
reduce any lingering inhibitions. With a night of unparalleled ecstasy
ahead, I wanted to be as unreserved as possible.
Returning to the bed, I removed my socks and took my shirt off. I then
reclined comfortably and waited, my eyes glued to the bathroom door.
"Ready?" Tara's voice called out as the door opened a crack.
"Yes," I replied.
The door swung open further and Tara stepped out into clear view causing
my jaw to drop in astonishment. She was wearing a black corset,
cinched tight around her waist, exaggerating the ample curves of her
hips. Her newly bought breasts were also prominently displayed, pushed
up by the corset, producing a considerable amount of visible cleavage.
Connected to the bottom was a short, black, sheer skirt coming barely
reaching her upper thigh. Through the sheer material I could make out
the dark outline of her tiny black panties and garter straps connecting
to the pair of provocative, black stockings that covered her legs from
mid-thigh. Her light strawberry blonde hair had been released from the
ponytail and was now hanging down to her shoulders, tucked neatly
behind each ear.
"What do you think?" Tara asked, turning half way as if to model her
lurid outfit.
"I think it's the hottest fucking thing I've ever seen," I blurted out
in response, completely taken aback by her pleasing choice of bedroom
attire.
"I thought you might like it," she said smiling, standing at the end of
the bed with her hands on her hips.
"Oh, I like it," I affirmed as I moved my way down the bed, eager to get
things started.
As I reached the end of the bed, I started to stand only to have Tara
playfully push me back into a seated position.
"Uh uh," she said bluntly, as she lowered herself to her knees. "First,
I get to play."
Her azure eyes were fixed on mine as she reached up and unbuttoned my
pants before pulling the zipper down with agonizing slowness. Leaning
back on my elbows I raised my hips off the bed as she pulled my pants
down my legs, leaving my naked body clothed with only the meager pair
of tight fitting boxer briefs. Tara's eyes flashed with wanton lust as
she averted her gaze from my face down to the straining bulge within my
underwear.
"Mmmm," she cooed, tucking her fingers into the waistband and pulling
downwards. "You have no idea how long I've waiting for this."
"Waiting for what?" I asked coyly as she gingerly inched the underwear
down my thighs, allowing my dick to spring forth and slap against my
stomach.
"For this," Tara answered smiling as she reached out to grasp my shaft,
pulling my cock upwards as she leaned down and sensually parted her
lips.
I let out a drawn out moan as I felt the long awaited sensation of my ex
girlfriend's soft lips enclosing the head of my dick. Suckling the tip,
her fiery gaze remained fixed on me as the length of my shaft slowly
disappeared into her warm, wet mouth. I felt her tongue lathering my
dick as her eyes closed and she descended farther down, taking my
entire length. Giving a few quick bobs of her head, Tara then
withdrew, her lips sliding back up my turgid shaft, curling into a
smile as she released my glistening dick from her mouth but holding it
firmly from the base. Holding me in her soft hand, Tara then lowered
her head and extended her tongue to press into my balls, her dazzling
blue eyes still staring from either side of my wet cock. Licking
upwards, she ran her tongue up the underside of my shaft before taking
the tip into her warm, inviting mouth once again. I let out a subtle
moan of approval as I watched Tara continue her work. In the eight
years since I had been with her I had yet to find a girl that rivaled
my ex girlfriend in the art of oral pleasure. Tara loved it, and she
was good at it.
"Mmm," I moaned, reaching out to push a strand of hair out of her face
as she continued bobbing up and down on my dick with increasing
intensity. "I almost forgot how good you are at this."
Tara smiled as she removed her lips from my throbbing cock, letting her
hand travel freely up and down the saliva-soaked shaft.
"Well, I guess I'll just have to remind you then huh?" she answered in
between soft, erotic lashes of her talented tongue. "Do you still like
having your balls licked?"
"Uh huh," I stammered, smiling in anticipation.
Tara returned my smile before returning her attention below my cock and
taking my soft, sensitive balls into her mouth. I felt her lips slowly
part and surround them completely before sucking gently as her tongue
wriggled up and down, eliciting a pleasurable sensation as her hand
stroked up and down my shaft.
"Still like to keeps things nicely shaved I see," she exclaimed with
approval in reference to my cleanly shaven balls and surrounding region
as dove back in bathe them with long, deliberate licks of her warm
tongue. "I always liked that about you."
I smiled in response, quietly hoping that Tara still shared my aversion
to excess body hair.
"Mmmm," she hummed, sending gratifying vibrations through my balls. I
lifted my legs and planted my feet on the bed as Tara continued her
unrelenting oral assault. Slowly, she let her tongue trail downwards
flickering teasingly at my perineum sending jolts of pleasure coursing
through my body. I held my breath and awaited her next move as she
seemed to be looking for my approval to proceed.
"You like that?" she asked, her soft, pink tongue gliding smoothly up
and down the cleanly shaven area below my balls.
"Fuck yes," I gasped, placing my hand placidly on her head, fighting the
urge to push her face downward.
"I think I know what you want," she stated, smiling up at me as her hand
continued its slow, deliberate stroking.
"Yeah?" I said in a quiet raspy voice, as Tara eyed me with a sultry,
mischievous expression.
"What?"
Casting me a knowing glance, without a word she descended once again.
Tossing my head back in ecstasy, I soon felt the warm wet touch of
Tara's dexterous tongue sliding in small circles around my asshole.
"Oh my fucking god!" I cursed through gritted teeth, clutching the bed
sheets as she pushed my legs up forcibly, pressing her lips against my
ass.
Keeping her tongue firmly pressed into my tight little opening, Tara let
out a giggle in response to my exclamation before resuming her tongue
lashing, stabbing my ass with short, quick thrusts.
"Does your girlfriend lick your ass?" she asked between licks, purring
as she swabbed my asshole with long, sensual swipes.
"N...No..," I muttered, as Tara began to accompany her torrid rimming
with quickening strokes of her fist up and down my cock.
Dragging her wet tongue up over my balls, she bit her lip provocatively
before taking my dick back between her lips as she moved her hand up to
lightly stroke a fingertip over my freshly licked ass. As Tara's
massaging turned to gentle prodding, I reached down to halt her
simultaneous stroking and sucking.
"Whoaaa," I warned, grasping her hand to prevent any further
excitation. "Better slow down there. You're going to make me cum."
"Mmmm, good," she purred, pushing my hand away. "I want you to cum."
"I just don't want this to end so soon," I explained, tensing every
muscle in my torso in a vain attempt to prevent a premature climax.
"Oh, don't worry," Tara ensured, massaging my asshole with increasingly
firm, circular motions. "We have all night."
Relinquishing my last vestiges of reluctance, I laid back and allowed
Tara to have her way. Casting me a satisfied nod, she then descended
on my cock once again, clamping her lips around the head as she stroked
away with hasty intent. As I felt her tongue dive into my dickhole,
she wiggled her fingertip past my resistant muscular ring and slide
deep into my ass. Feeling her digital intrusion, my ass reflexively
contracted, squeezing her invading finger as Tara's fist pumped my cock
in an effort to hasten my approaching orgasm.
"Oh fuck!" I groaned, as she forced her finger deeper into my ass, her
head bobbing up and down with short, quick motions.
Feeling my pelvic muscles contract, my back arched as Tara curled her
finger inside my ass and swallowed my cock deep into her mouth as I
unloaded a violent blast of cum into the back of her throat. She
moaned in approval as she tasted the creamy discharge, pulling back to
take the subsequent spurts onto her tongue, opening her eyes to glance
at me as she sucked down every drop I had to offer.
"Damn," I muttered, letting my head fall back into the bed. "You
obviously still know how to get dirty."
"Yeah," she agreed, wiping a droplet of viscous, white fluid from the
corner of her mouth. "I guess you just bring out my kinky side."
"You mean you don't lick your husband's ass?" I asked with a cocky smile
as I propped myself back up on my elbows."
The corner of Tara's mouth curled up into a half smile as she shook her
head.
"Actually...," she said, climbing onto the bed. "I've never done that to
anyone else."
"Oooh, I feel special," I responded with a smile, as Tara moved into
position beside me, pressing her body into mine.
"You should," she said bluntly, pressing her lips to mine as she ran her
smooth, stocking covered foot up the inside of my naked leg.
As my mouth parted, allowing the intrusion of her hot little tongue, my
hand slid down her back feeling the smooth material of her corset.
Lower, the black satin fabric gave way to the light, sheer material of
the tiny skirt, which I pulled up over her supple, round ass. Feeling
my touch on her bare skin, Tara moaned into my mouth and ground her
pelvis into my thigh. I could feel the moist warmth of her pussy
against my skin as her hand lightly traced its way down my chest and
stomach.
"Sorry," I said, motioning down to my spent, lifeless cock. "It's going
to take a few minutes."
"Oh that's okay," she said, smiling as she raised herself up onto her
knees. "I know something you can do right now. "
"What's that?" I asked innocently, my eyes traveling up and down her
body.
Tara gazed at me intently as she sat back, and spread her legs.
"Your turn," she ordered, casting me a suggestive smile.
I beamed with lust as I eagerly complied, reversing my position and
inching my way in between Tara's outstretched legs. Biting her bottom
lip in expectation, she watched as I placed a hand on her leg, running
my fingers upwards along the silky smooth fabric. The shear black
skirt was pushed up by her widespread legs, offering plain view of the
tiny black g-string barely covering the engorged folds of her welcoming
pussy. My eyes lingered on the irresistible sight as I planted a soft
kiss on her inner thigh, sending an amorous shiver through Tara's body.
Lifting my lips, I moved upwards, kissing my way up the inside of her
thigh before settling into position. The aroma of arousal overcame me
as my lips continued their exploration, touching everywhere except the
soft, wet area still covered by the scanty triangle of black fabric.
Tara shifted underneath me as I continued teasing her with avoidant
licks of my tongue.
"So now you're teasing me?" she asked, more as an accusation than a
question.
"Maybe," I answered softly, glancing up for a brief moment before
gliding my tongue over the patch of damp fabric nestled neatly between
her flushed, engorged folds. "Why? Do you have a problem with that?"
Tara let out a subtle giggle as she placed a hand gently on my head
"Yes," she said suddenly, clutching a handful of my hair.
Before I could react, she used her free hand to pull her underwear to
the side, exposing her naked, pink pussy as she raised her hips off the
bed and forced my smiling lips into her hot, rubescent hole. I closed
my eyes in pleasure, relishing every sensation as I drove my tongue
deep inside her. Tara's fingers clenched tighter, heightening my lust
as I sucked her puffy, wet opening with increasing exertion.
"Mmmm, that's more like it," she moaned, gyrating her hips against my
face.
Retracting my tongue from her deliciously wet pussy, I moved upwards,
clamping my lips around her clit. Tara purred with approval as I
sucked her little pink bud, maneuvering my middle finger in between her
moist folds and pushing deep inside. Letting out a pleasured gasp, she
lifted her leg and dug a heel into my back as I twisted my finger
inside her. With my lips locked around her fleshy pink button, I began
sliding back and forth, fucking her pussy with short quick thrusts of
my hand.
As Tara relinquished her grasp on my hair and assumed a more passive
demeanor, I rotated my body in a clockwise direction bringing us
halfway into a sixty-nine position. Slipping my finger from her hot
little hole, I sucked it into my mouth tasting her juices as I wet my
digit with lubricating saliva. With the new position giving me greater
access, I resumed my oral endeavor, darting my tongue in and out of her
little pink slit.
With Tara's moaning increasing, she lifted her knees and I reached an
arm over her leg, resting my forearm on the bed as I wiggled my finger
back into the damp confines of her inviting pussy. As my tongue danced
across her swollen clit, I felt the sensual touch of her hand reaching
between my legs.
"Mmmm," she purred, stroking her fingers down my ass, grazing the shaft
of my rapidly expanding cock. "That didn't take long."
I wasn't surprised in the slightest. Eating pussy was always a
sure-fire way of regaining my recently spent erections.
"Get over here," she said softly, enticing me to assume a full
sixty-nine position.
I smiled to myself and immediately complied, my knees stepping their way
towards her head before straddling her face, my dick dangling above her
hungry mouth. Feeling her full, firm breasts pressing against my
stomach, I settled into place allowing my balls to descend into Tara's
waiting mouth. The feeling of her soft lips pressing into my most
sensitive area increased my arousal and I plunged back down between her
legs, using my elbows to force her legs out wide. Her French manicured
nails dug into the flesh of my ass as her soft, wet tongue lapped at
the backside of my balls, slowly trailing upwards. As I removed my
finger from her pussy, I replaced it with my mouth, ticking the inside
of her hole with the tip of my wriggling tongue. With Tara's coaxing I
moved downwards, my forehead pressing into the bed as I parted her rosy
lips with mine before thrusting inside. Eyeing her asshole with wanton
desire, I moved my wet finger to her tight little opening and gently
massaged it with firm circular motions before testing the tautness of
her little muscular ring with careful probing thrusts.
A feeling of d? vu swept over me as my dexterous fingertip wiggled its
way into Tara's inviting ass. I couldn't begin to count the number of
times we had shared the very same mutually pleasurable position eight
years ago. My former girlfriend had always loved to 69 with me on top,
as it gave her full access to my ass.
"God, I miss this," I moaned as I felt her nimble tongue working its way
up from my tightly contracted balls over my smoothly shaved perineal
strip.
"Oh yeah?" she asked, her finger lightly stroking over my sensitive
asshole. "What exactly do you miss?"
Before I could answer, Tara roughly pulled my cheeks apart and stabbed
her tongue into my ass.
"Do you miss this?" she asked, her voice assuming an intensely
provocative tone. "Do you miss my tongue in your ass?"
"Fuck yes!" I gasped, tossing my head back in ecstatic pleasure as she
jammed her tongue back between my cheeks, assaulting my hole with
forceful, wet, lashes.
Reaching back, I pulled Tara's head into my ass, encouraging her to
continue her forceful licking. Moaning in response, she delved deeper,
her writhing, wet tongue stabbing shamelessly as she descended into a
carnal state of absolute lust. Neglecting her pussy, I pushed back,
pressing my ass into her face and pinning her head against the bed.
After a few labored breathes, I resumed my composure and relented my
forceful actions settling back into mutual sixty-nine as she let her
mouth descend from my asshole back to my balls, sucking softly as she
slowly stroked my cock with long, deliberate movements.
"I want to lick you from behind," I blurted out, lifting my leg and
freeing Tara's head from the confines of the straddling position.
"Okay," she responded with a knowing smile, quickly sitting up and
moving into position on her hands and knees.
As I knelt behind my former girlfriend I paused to take in the erotic
sight before me. Situated in an enticing pose, Tara's light red hair
spilled down over her upper back, allowing a few slivers of lightly
tanned skin to be visible before giving way to the shimmering black
corset tightly hugging her torso and accentuating her luscious curves.
Beneath the transparent, black skirt hanging halfway down her ass, her
thin black g-string was visible, nestled deep between her ample cheeks.
I licked my lips with desire as I moved into position behind her,
lifting the light black skirt up, revealing the full form of her ass to
my hungry eyes.
"You just want me like this so you can get a little ass action
yourself," Tara declared, casting me an accusing but playful look over
her shoulder.
"Maybe..." I responded cryptically, leaning down and pressing my lips
into her soft flesh as my hand traced the thin line of her g-string
from around her hip down into the enticing crease formed by her juicy
cheeks.
"Well," she stated, wiggling her ass from side to side in a provocative
manor. "Quit fucking around and get in there!"
Humored by her bluntness, I let out a brief, restrained laugh before
peeling her black panties down over her supple cheeks, tugging as the
thin fabric snapped free from between her fleshy globes. As the meager
undergarment slipped down to her knees I placed both hands upon her,
pushing her ass apart as she awaited the touch of my tongue on her
freshly exposed asshole. Then, peeling her cheeks apart, I stabbed at
her ass with my adventurous tongue, feeling her tight hole reflexively
clench to halt my sudden intrusion. Resting her head against the
mattress, Tara arched her back and panted with her mouth agape as I
lapped at her asshole, coating it with warm spit.
"Fuck Yesssss....." she hissed, urgently pushing her ass back to meet my
mouth, forcing my tongue inside her.
One hand clutched at the bed sheets as her other hand suddenly appeared
between her legs, rubbing back and forth over her clit with two slender
fingers. My tongue circled her asshole before trailing downwards as
Tara moved her hand back, pushing her fingers up to the knuckle in her
dripping, wet pussy. Her wedding ring shimmered with wetness,
sparkling in the dim light of the hotel room as she jabbed her middle
and ring fingers in and out with deep, forceful thrusts. As she felt
my hungry mouth lightly touching her deeply embedded digits, she
withdrew her glistening fingers, sliding them out along my outstretched
tongue. As her fingertips slipped free, my lips enclosed them, sucking
them clean of her sweet, sticky juices.
Returning her fingers to her clit, I licked my way back up Tara's
luscious ass, honing in on her enticing little star. Encouraged by her
gentle moaning, I dove back in, piercing her tightly closed opening
with forceful, wet thrusts. Her breath coming in forceful, panting
gasps, she rubbed her clit with intense, circular motions. Her pace
quickened over the next minute, indicating an approaching orgasm as I
continued tonguing Tara's pulsing, tight asshole.
"Mmm, I'm gonna cum," she squealed as her body tensed and shuddered.
My wet tongue filled her dark hole as she rutted back against me,
forcing my face deep between her fleshy cheeks. Letting out a long,
drawn-out moan, Tara's asshole clenched violently, expelling my
invading tongue as her body tensed with orgasmic elation.
"Okay..." she sighed, letting her hips fall flat against the bed as she
rolled to her side and looked back at me. "You have to fuck me. Now."
I smiled, slowly stroking my dick as I knelt before Tara's prone body.
"I think I can do that."
She smiled back at me, rolling over onto her back and kicking her
underwear away as I moved into position, kneeling between her
outstretched legs. Tara purred with anticipation as I reached down,
located her dewy entrance and guided myself inside.
"Mmmm," she moaned, reaching out to me as I rested my hips against her
pelvis and lowered my naked body into hers.
I felt the firm but soft pressure of her breasts against my bare chest
as I placed a hand on either side of her head, propping myself up as I
stared down into her lust-filled eyes. Her fingernails grazed down my
back, sending a ticklish shiver through my torso, before coming to rest
on my ass. As her sexy stare intensified, she dug her nails into my
flesh, pulling my cock deeper into her insatiable pussy.
"God I love the way your dick feels inside me," Tara gasped, eagerly
raising her hips as she writhed underneath me.
Pushing back against her clutching hands, I withdrew before plunging
back in. Letting out a series of soft gasps as my hips rose and fell
repeatedly, Tara wrapped her legs tightly around my ass. Gliding in
and out of her hot, wet pussy with increasing speed, I lifted her legs
up onto my shoulders in order to achieve deeper thrusts.
"Mmmm," Tara uttered, smiling at my new choice of position. "I love
getting fucked like this."
"I know," I said, grasping her legs firmly, just above the ankles. "I
remember."
Her lush pussy juices coated my cock as I continued fucking Tara's moist
hole, my drenched balls striking her ass with every thrust. Feeling the
sensation of my balls slapping against her sensitive little star, her
eyes flashed with heated intensity and she reached out to grab hold of
my wrist. As she pulled my hand to her mouth, she parted her soft,
pink lips and slid them down the length of my middle finger.
"And just what do you want me to do with this?" I asked, grinning as she
let my wet finger slip out of her gasping mouth.
"I...think...you know...," she answered, her words broken up my
unremitting thrusts.
Driving my cock hard and keeping it planted deep inside her sweltering
pussy, I reached down and let my wet fingers trail across the soft
flesh of her ass before coming to rest at her tight anal opening.
"Is this what you want?" I asked softly, massaging Tara's asshole with
spit covered fingers.
"Uh huh," she answered, waiting patiently for my teasing fingertip to
penetrate her tightly muscled ring.
"Say it," I ordered, smiling down at her as I tested the tautness of her
pulsing hole with gentle prodding.
Tara smiled up at me for a brief moment before her beaming expression
turned to one of lustful intensity and she reached up to the back of my
head and tightened her fingers around a handful of my hair.
"Stick your finger up my ass."
As soon as the words left her soft, pink lips I forcefully extended my
finger, feeling her asshole clench around me reflexively as I slipped
it deep into her smooth, pulsing tunnel. Tara let out a subtle gasp as
she contracted around my invading digit, before gradually relaxing at
the sensation of her holes being filled.
"Mmmm," she purred as I resumed the slow, deliberate grinding of my
hips, my finger now buried knuckle deep in her twitching asshole.
With my finger inside her, I could feel my dick, as I began sliding it
in and out once again. Pressing up against the thin layer of tissue
separating her two holes I felt the contours of my cock sliding over my
wriggling fingertip. Tara's eyes closed in ecstasy and her mouth fell
open as she reached down, pulling her ass cheeks wide to accommodate my
thrusting finger.
"Are you going to let me stick my dick up your ass too?" I asked,
coordinating the grinding of my hips with the stabbing of my finger.
"You fucking better," she blurted back emphatically, her eyes flashing
with carnal desire. "Otherwise I wasted ten bucks on that bottle of
lube for nothing."
I let out a laugh, humored by Tara's blatant sexual demands before
removing my finger from her ass and pushed both of her ankles up beside
her ears. Her pliable body now folded in half, I increased the depth
of my thrusts, driving my cock deep with every forceful descent. Each
time my hips slammed into the soft flesh of Tara's ass, she let out a
soft, audible gasp barely noticeable over the loud, wet slapping of our
colliding bodies. Leaning down to bring my face close to hers, I gazed
into her fiery blue eyes and whispered to her.
"Is that what you've been thinking about?" I asked.
"Yesss," she hissed, seething through gritted teeth. "All the time,"
"How do you want me to do it?" I asked, prompting Tara to reveal more of
her lurid thoughts.
"From behind," she answered quickly, panting with lust as her body
shuddered with every stroke of my rigid cock.
"Mmm," I moaned as I closed my eyes and imagined the sweet scene of my
ex girlfriend on her hands and knees with my dick embedded deep in her
ass.
"For the last...few...weeks...," she continued, speaking in labored,
breathy gasps. "It's all I've been thinking about."
"Oh really?" I asked, encouraging her to continue.
"Uh huh. Every morning I lay in bed thinking about it. I...think about
you...putting me on my hands and knees and..."
"And...?" I asked with a pleased smirk, briefly ceasing thrusting with
my cock planted firmly inside her dripping wet pussy.
"...and grabbing me by the hair...and fucking me hard in the ass."
Smiling down at her, I slowly released my grip on her ankles, sitting
back and letting my dick slide free.
"Bend over."
Tara flashed me an exuberant, sexy smile and promptly rolled over onto
her stomach before arching her back and pushing her ass up into the
air. Her inviting pose beckoned to me as I stared down at her winking
asshole, slick and glistening with the fluids of arousal.
"Wait a second," she said, halting my amorous advance. "Grab the lube
from my purse."
Digging through the purse on the night table, I quickly located the
small bottle. Turning back, I saw Tara's face, pressed flat against the
bed and smiling back at me as she reached back, lightly stroking one
finger over her asshole as she buried two fingers of her other hand
into her swollen, wet pussy.
"Gimme that," she ordered, lifting her hand from her ass and reaching
out in request of the container.
Handing it over, I inched my way closer and reached down, pulling Tara's
fingers out of her dripping wet hole. As I leaned in, I sucked her
fingers into my mouth before letting them free and rising back to my
knees. I soon replaced her probing fingers with my dick, sliding it
back between her moistened lips and deep into the tempting confines of
her warm, wet pussy.
"Mmmm," she moaned, feeling my length slide into her as my hips butted
forcefully against her supple ass.
My hands gripping her soft cheeks, I withdrew and slammed back with a
stronger, hard stroke, causing her to lurch forward before driving her
ass back against me. Repeating my thrusting with increasing rapidity, I
gradually decreased my length of my strokes to short rapid jabs as Tara
flipped open the cap on the lubricant with shaking hands. Treating her
to a firm, jolting slap, I brought my hand down hard, sending quivering
ripples through her fleshy cheeks.
"Oooh," she cooed, overturning the bottle and drizzling the clear,
slippery liquid into her upward facing palm. "That's what I like."
"Yeah," I let out, allowing my hand to linger, grasping her supple flesh
with clutching fingers. "I remember."
"Then you probably remember I like it a lot harder than that," she
countered, reaching back with lube-covered fingers to slide her
dexterous digits between her plump cheeks and slathering her pulsing
asshole with clear, wet liquid.
In compliance to Tara's request, I gave another untamed strike, causing
her to toss her head back with gratification as she felt my hand crash
into her ass with a loud, reverberating ‘slap'.
"Mmmm," she moaned, sinking her fingertip into her tight, little ass.
"That's more like it."
Pushing her ass cheeks wide, I gazed down and continued my assault as I
witnessed her thin finger vanish within the tight, clutching embrace of
her quivering asshole. One more firm slap and I reached out and closed
my fist around a handful of Tara's soft, red hair.
"Yessss," she exclaimed, relishing in the roughness as she felt her head
yanked back by my forceful tug.
Panting with lust, Tara jammed another finger into her tiny hole as I
pushed her head down into the bed, driving my cock hard into her
backside.
"God I want to fuck your ass so bad!" I groaned, releasing her hair and
digging my fingers hard into her fleshy cheeks.
"Do it," she snapped back, reaching her hands back and pulling her
cheeks even wider. "Now. Fuck my asshole!"
Trembling with desire, I eased my cock out of Tara's dripping wet pussy
and grasped it firmly around the shaft.
"Go slow," she warned, feeling my slippery wet cock head butting against
her glistening star.
"I know, I know," I muttered, carefully pressing my dick into her slowly
opening hole.
Tara moaned and played with her pussy as she felt her asshole gradually
expand to admit my pulsating cock. I could see her fingertips moving
in small circles over her clit as my wet shaft gradual disappeared into
the clenching confines of her eager anal opening. Slick with
lubricant, her smooth tunnel hugged my dick as I began inching back and
forth inside her.
"Fuck yes!" she gasped, her ass gradually relaxing to accommodate my
sinking shaft. "Go deeper."
In compliance with her obscene demands, I pushed harder, gripping her
hips and forcing myself further into her hungry butt. With my cock
firmly embedded deep within the warm embrace of Tara's insatiable
asshole, she pushed back against me, swallowing up the remainder of my
slippery pole and butting her pliable cheeks against me.
"Mmmm, how does that feel?" she asked softly, grinding her ass against
me before moving forward and sliding her tautly stretched hole up and
down my throbbing cock.
"Fuck yes," I uttered, staring down captivated as Tara wiggled her
tantalizing ass, producing a deliciously dirty scene before my lustful
eyes.
"Good," she purred, smiling back at me as she arched her back. "Now
fuck me."
With her hips now motionless, I resumed gentle thrusts, resting my hand
on her back as I slid in and out with deep, slow strokes.
"Mmm, I love seeing you like this," I moaned, fucking Tara's asshole
with increasing determination. "On your hands and knees with my cock in
your ass."
"Mmmm...," Tara reciprocated, reaching back between her legs to gently
squeeze my balls. "...and I love being on my hands and knees with your
cock in my ass."
The sensation of her nimble fingers caressing my balls, urged me on and
I began stabbing her tight little hole with shorter, quicker strokes.
Tara's eyes closed shut with blissful delight and her fingers travelled
back to her swollen clit in search of her second orgasm of the night.
"How...may cocks have been in this tight little asshole?" I asked, my
arousal growing with each lurid word that spilled from Tara's gasping
mouth.
"J...Just two," she muttered, her voice now dripping with apprehension.
Sensing her reluctance, I brought my hand down hard with a spirited
‘slap' and plunged deep into her tightly stretched ass.
"Who were they?" I asked, sinking to the hilt inside her hot, clenching
hole.
"One...one was my...husband," she panted softly, her face flushing red
with carnal emotion.
"And the other one?" I asked, my hand sliding down her arched back over
the soft, sheer material comprising the back of her corset.
Sensing my intrigue, and realizing that her confession would only
heighten my arousal, Tara looked back and flashed me a naughty smile.
"It..it was a guy I met at a bar," she said, her upper body pressed flat
against the bed in a subservient, sexy pose. "It was the night we broke
up."
"Tell me about it," I ordered calmly as I reached down and picked up the
bottle of lubricant.
"He had been buying me drinks all night...," she continued, as I opened
the bottle and began to drizzle a small amount down into the crease of
Tara's ass. "We talked and danced for a while...,"
As she continued her sordid tale, I watched the lube form a thin,
shimmering rivulet as it trickled down between her cheeks before
dividing in two to encircle the shaft of my deeply implanted dick.
"Uh huh..." I said, squeezing out a few more droplets along the base my
cock, withdrawing slowly in order to coat more of my length with the
slippery liquid.
"We started making out," she continued, her voice rising in volume as
she felt my dick plunging back inside her tight little ass. "And
then...he asked me to go out to his car."
Her breathing grew more erratic and her fingers continued rubbing her
clit as she continued talking, her sentences braking with every stroke
of my pulsing cock.
"As...ugh....As soon as we got to his...car...ugh...I pulled his pants
down...and started..."
"What?" I asked firmly, reaching down and grabbing a handful of her
sweaty, tangled hair.
"I sucked his dick," she blurted out in between lusty, panting gasps.
"Then...he...bent me over...and fucked me from behind."
Holding her head pressed into the bed, I listened carefully as I worked
my cock in and out with diminishing restraint.
"Then...," she whimpered in a labored, anxious tone. "I told him to fuck
me in the ass."
"Did he fuck like this?" I asked, pulling her head back, and slapping
her ass hard, leaving a glowing, red imprint on her quivering cheek.
"Yes," Tara squealed, bucking her ass back against my cock. "He fucked
me just like...Oh fuck, I'm cumming!"
Losing her last vestiges of restraint, she shamelessly pushed back
against me as her asshole convulsed around my thrusting shaft. As she
let out a savage series of squeals and groans she brought forth an
exhilarating orgasm that wracked every inch of her sweaty, shaking
body. I smiled with contentment as I let go of Tara's hair and resumed
treating her tight little tunnel to a series of deliberate, long
strokes. Her breathing now heavy and labored, she raised herself up
onto her hands, her arms still trembling from her lingering climax.
"I'm going to cum soon," I proclaimed, quickening my thrusts as I held
her hips solidly in place.
"Don't cum in my ass," she warned, looking back at me with a glowing,
post-orgasmic expression. "Cum in my mouth."
I nodded, feeling the rush of my impending orgasm. As much as Tara had
always loved anal sex, she hated having cum in her ass.
"Did that other guy cum in your ass?" I asked, referring back to her
sexy story.
"No," she answered, still panting with lust. "He...shoved his cock into
my mouth and I sucked him until he came."
As Tara's kinky confession brought me to the point of no return, I
hastily unsheathed my wet cock from her twitching asshole and struggled
up to my feet, my legs straining to maintain a standing position on the
unstable, pliable mattress. With a crazed look of sexual excitement
flashing in her eyes, Tara spun around raised herself up on her knees.
As my hand pumped furiously, she eyed my pulsing cock with hunger and
extended her tongue out of her open mouth in a lewd manor, awaiting my
creamy white load.
Her subservient position pulled me over the edge and I gripped my shaft,
holding it tightly as I aimed my dick towards her outstretched tongue.
Easing my grip, I tensed the muscles in my pelvis as the unexplainable
feeling of orgasm raced through me. My cock swelled and my balls
tightened violently as I began showering her open mouth with stream
after stream of hot, sticky cum. Tara closed her eyes and moaned with
satisfaction as she felt the warm liquid spattering her waiting tongue.
Clutching my twitching cock, I squeezed out a final drop as she opened
her eyes and pulled her cum covered tongue back into her mouth,
swallowing her second load of the evening.
"Mmmm," she purred softly, licking her lips as she reached out to grab
my dick. "Did I mention how much I love your cum?"
"I seem to remember something along those lines," I answered as she
pressed her soft lips against the flushed head of my wilting cock and
sucking any remaining droplets into her mouth.
Unable to cope with the increased post-climax sensitivity, I pulled away
from Tara's smiling mouth and collapsed onto the bed in a flushed,
panting heap.
"I'm actually surprised," I said, wiping a bead of sweat from my
forehead as she crawled up beside me. "You only had two orgasms that
entire time. You used to be able to have five or six at once."
"Well," she said, sitting up on the bed. "I guess I'm just taking my
time. After all, we have all night."
I laughed, my chest still heaving from the marathon session we had just
completed.
"I don't know if I'll be able to go all night," I warned, taking a deep
breath and letting it out in an exaggerated sigh. "I'm pretty spent."
"Well, you better grab another drink then champ," Tara said with a
smile. Because we have eight years to make up for."
I shook my head, astounded at my ex's sexual insatiability.
"Where are you going?" I asked, watching her walking across the room
with a satisfied saunter.
"I'm going to have a shower," she stated without turning back. "You're
welcome to join me if you like."
As she reached the bathroom door, Tara stopped and threw me a suggestive
glance over her shoulder.
"Someone's been a very dirty girl."
The End
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