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Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? | First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. |
First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. | Hey man-- |
Hey man-- | Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! |
Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? | No, you're not wrong-- |
No, you're not wrong-- | Am I wrong! |
Am I wrong! | You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. |
That...fucking...bitch! | It's all a goddamn fake. Like Lenin said, look for the person who will benefit. And you will, uh, you know, you'll, uh, you know what I'm trying to say-- |
Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing-- I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet-- | I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter. |
I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter. | Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude. |
Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude. | Walter, face it, there isn't any connection. It's your roll. |
Walter, face it, there isn't any connection. It's your roll. | Have it your way. The point is-- |
Have it your way. The point is-- | It's your roll-- |
It's your roll-- | The fucking point is-- |
The fucking point is-- | It's your roll. |
What the hell is this? | My dirty undies. Laundry, Dude. The whites. |
My dirty undies. Laundry, Dude. The whites. | Agh-- |
Oh shit. Walter. | What the fuck is going on there? |
What the fuck is going on there? | They hung up, Walter! You fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands! |
They hung up, Walter! You fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands! | Easy, Dude. |
Easy, Dude. | We're screwed now! We don't get shit and they're gonna kill her! We're fucked, Walter! |
We're screwed now! We don't get shit and they're gonna kill her! We're fucked, Walter! | Dude, nothing is fucked. Come on. You're being very unDude. They'll call back. Look, she kidnapped her-- |
Ya see? Nothing is fucked up here, Dude. Nothing is fucked. These guys are fucking amateurs-- | Shutup, Walter! Don't fucking say peep when I'm doing business here. |
Shutup, Walter! Don't fucking say peep when I'm doing business here. | Okay Dude. Have it your way. |
...Huh? | Yeah. That's a great plan, Walter. That's fucking ingenious, if I understand it correctly. That's a Swiss fucking watch. |
Yeah. That's a great plan, Walter. That's fucking ingenious, if I understand it correctly. That's a Swiss fucking watch. | Thaaat's right, Dude. The beauty of this is its simplicity. If the plan gets too complex something always goes wrong. If there's one thing I learned in Nam-- |
FUCK. | What'd he say? Where's the hand- off? |
What'd he say? Where's the hand- off? | There is no fucking hand-off, Walter! At a wooden bridge we throw the money out of the car! |
There is no fucking hand-off, Walter! At a wooden bridge we throw the money out of the car! | Huh? |
Huh? | We throw the money out of the moving car! |
Walter, what'm I gonna tell Lebowski? | I told that fuck down at the league office-- who's in charge of scheduling? |
I told that fuck down at the league office-- who's in charge of scheduling? | Walter-- |
Yeah, and in the meantime what do I tell Lebowski? | Saturday is shabbas. Jewish day of rest. Means I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll! |
But Walter, we didn't make the fucking hand- off! They didn't get, the fucking money and they're gonna-- they're gonna-- | Yeah yeah, "kill that poor woman." |
You don't know, Walter? You seem to know the answer to everything else! | Hmm. Well, we were in a handicapped spot. It, uh, it was probably towed. |
Hmm. Well, we were in a handicapped spot. It, uh, it was probably towed. | It's been stolen, Walter! You fucking know it's been stolen! |
It's been stolen, Walter! You fucking know it's been stolen! | Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude-- |
Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude-- | Aw, fuck it. |
I figure my only hope is that the big Lebowski kills me before the Germans can cut my dick off. | Now that is ridiculous, Dude. No one is going to cut your dick off. |
Now that is ridiculous, Dude. No one is going to cut your dick off. | Thanks Walter. |
Thanks Walter. | Not if I have anything to say about it. |
Not if I have anything to say about it. | Yeah, thanks Walter. That gives me a very secure feeling. |
Yeah, thanks Walter. That gives me a very secure feeling. | Dude-- |
Dude-- | That makes me feel all warm inside. |
That makes me feel all warm inside. | Now Dude-- |
Now Dude-- | This whole fucking thing--I could be sitting here with just pee-stains on my rug. |
Who the fuck is that? | Huh? |
Huh? | Who the fuck is Arthur Digby Sellers? |
Who the fuck is Arthur Digby Sellers? | Who the f--have you ever heard of a little show called Branded, Dude? |
Who the f--have you ever heard of a little show called Branded, Dude? | Yeah. |
Yeah. | All but one man died? There at Bitter Creek? |
All but one man died? There at Bitter Creek? | Yeah yeah, I know the fucking show Walter, so what? |
Yeah yeah, I know the fucking show Walter, so what? | Fucking Arthur Digby Sellers wrote 156 episodes, Dude. |
Fucking Arthur Digby Sellers wrote 156 episodes, Dude. | Uh-huh. |
Uh-huh. | The bulk of the series. |
The bulk of the series. | Uh-huh. |
Uh-huh. | Not exactly a lightweight. |
Not exactly a lightweight. | No. |
No. | And yet his son is a fucking dunce. |
And yet his son is a fucking dunce. | Uh. |
Uh. | Yeah, go figure. Well we'll go out there after the, uh, the. |
Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry? | Is the car out front yours? |
Is the car out front yours? | Is this your homework, Larry? |
Is this your homework, Larry? | We know it's his fucking homework, Walter! Where's the fucking money, you little brat? |
Walter, if you're there, pick up the fucking phone. Pick it up, Walter, this is an emergency. I'm not-- | Dude? |
Dude? | Walter, listen, I'm at my place, I need you to come pick me up-- |
Walter, listen, I'm at my place, I need you to come pick me up-- | I can't drive, Dude, it's erev shabbas. |
I can't drive, Dude, it's erev shabbas. | Huh? |
Huh? | Erev shabbas. I can't drive. I'm not even supposed to pick up the phone, unless it's an emergency. |
Erev shabbas. I can't drive. I'm not even supposed to pick up the phone, unless it's an emergency. | It is a fucking emergency. |
It is a fucking emergency. | I understand. That's why I picked up the phone. |
I understand. That's why I picked up the phone. | THEN WHY CAN'T YOU--fuck, never mind, just call Donny then, and ask him to-- |
THEN WHY CAN'T YOU--fuck, never mind, just call Donny then, and ask him to-- | Dude, I'm not supposed to make calls-- |
Dude, I'm not supposed to make calls-- | WALTER, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, WE GOTTA GO TO PASADENA! COME PICK ME UP OR I'M OFF THE FUCKING BOWLING TEAM! |
AS IF WE WOULD EVER DREAM OF TAKING YOUR BULLSHIT MONEY! | You thought Bunny'd been kidnapped and you could use it as a pretext to make some money disappear. All you needed was a sap to pin it on, and you'd just met me. You thought, hey, a deadbeat, a loser, someone the square community won't give a shit about. |
It's all over, man! We call your fucking bluff! | WALTER, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! HE'S CRIPPLED! PUT HIM DOWN! |
WALTER, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! HE'S CRIPPLED! PUT HIM DOWN! | Sure, I'll put him down, Dude. RAUSS! ACHTUNG, BABY!! |
Oh, shit. | He can't walk, Walter! |
He can't walk, Walter! | Yeah, I can see that, Dude. |
Sure you'll see some tank battles. But fighting in desert is very different from fighting in canopy jungle. | Uh-huh. |
Uh-huh. | I mean 'Nam was a foot soldier's war whereas, uh, this thing should be a fucking cakewalk. I mean I had an M16, Jacko, not an Abrams fucking tank. Just me and Charlie, man, eyeball to eyeball. |
I mean 'Nam was a foot soldier's war whereas, uh, this thing should be a fucking cakewalk. I mean I had an M16, Jacko, not an Abrams fucking tank. Just me and Charlie, man, eyeball to eyeball. | Yeah. |
Yeah. | That's fuckin' combat. The man in the black pyjamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin' adversary. |
We're scattering the fucking ashes! | Walter-- |
Walter-- | JUST BECAUSE WE'RE BEREAVED DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE SAPS! |
Goddamnit Walter! You fucking asshole! | Dude! Dude, I'm sorry! |
You make everything a fucking travesty! | Dude, I'm--it was an accident! |
What about that shit about Vietnam! | Dude, I'm sorry-- |
Dude, I'm sorry-- | What the fuck does Vietnam have to do with anything! What the fuck were you talking about?! |
Shit Dude, I'm sorry-- | You're a fuck, Walter! |
Shut the fuck up. Hello? | Yeah? |
Yeah? | Okay, listen-- |
Dude here. | Okay, vee proceed. But only if there is no funny stuff. |
Okay, vee proceed. But only if there is no funny stuff. | Yeah. |
Yeah. | So no funny stuff. Okay? |
So no funny stuff. Okay? | Hey, just tell me where the fuck you want us to go. |
Ah fuck it. | Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! |
Where's my goddamn money, you bum?! | Well we--I don't-- |
Well we--I don't-- | They did not receive the money, you nitwit! They did not receive the goddamn money. HER LIFE WAS IN YOUR HANDS! |
C'mon man, who're you gonna believe? Those guys are--we dropped off the damn money-- | WHAT?! |
WHAT?! | I--the royal we, you know, the editorial--I dropped off the money, exactly as per--Look, I've got certain information, certain things have come to light, and uh, has it ever occurred to you, man, that given the nature of all this new shit, that, uh, instead of running around blaming me, that this whole thing might just... |
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