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Today I had to relieve myself on the street | Well, as the saying goes: shit happens |
I slammed a kid's head into gravel when I was maybe 7 | I pushed a wagon in front of a girl who was riding her bike down a hill. Fucked her up. She didn’t pick on me after that. I was 7, she was 12. |
I threw a friend's photo album in the garbage when I was 9. | Jesus, I feel second hand bad after reading this |
I abused coupons for my local Pizza restaurant that they stop giving them out | You probably lost out. Two mediums is almost always less pizza than one extra large. |
In the 2nd grade, I bullied a very sweet, shy girl who didn't deserve it. | Hi. I'm Mae. Not in the sense that I am really her. But I was in her position, didn't have the best clothes, shoes, and no one to help me with my hair. I was made fun of and it didn't feel good. I now have a daughter and those lessons helped me raise my daughter to know other peoples opinions of you aren't your respons... |
I sprayed WD-40 in a kid's eyes because he wouldn't let me go to his birthday party | Robert probably doesn't see you either you blinded him. |
I sleep on a stolen mattress every night. (Apparently I need at least fifty characters in the title so I just put this here) | You stole some furniture, by the sounds of the situation the school had bigger problems. Like lawsuit problems lol |
I paid someone to write papers for me during my last year of college. | I used to write college papers for money. Haha. |
I lit a large fire in my neighborhood when I was a kid. | Wow reminds when I was I was walking to school and was playing with matches in an earlier grade. Maybe 3rd. Started a grass fire next to a house tried to stamped it out. Failed. Ran next door to get water hose. Put it out and quickly left the scene. Chose to walk home a different route that day. What is it about kids a... |
[Light] Sometimes I'll take a couple Benadryl just because I'm bored and would rather be asleep than deal with life's monotony. | I just like it because if i take two of what I’m prescribed, I fall asleep within 15 minutes, and wake up like 12 hours later. It’s my “temporary suicide” as I call it |
I stole thousands of pounds worth of food due to an exploit. | At what shop was this, Asda, Sainsbury’s etc? |
I am getting high on cocaine and doing schoolwork. | How fuckin rich do you have to be to use coke for casual homework |
I stayed in hotels for free by signing people up for spam emails | And that's why I put "do not have" in the email field during check-in. When the receptionist acts surprised, I tell them with a straight face that I do not use email. But I still want my wi-fi code. |
I'm 14 and accepted a ride from a complete stranger earlier | In the future take a pic of the back of the vehicle and text it to your friend and let them know you are hitching a ride. This will give police a massive headstart to find you if anything ever happens. |
I put a piece of gum under the table at the security checkpoint at Buckingham Palace | They’re waiting for you to submit your DNA to 23&Me |
I Made My Mom Think She Broke Her Own Glass Table On Accident. | Gotta appreciate the acting skills required to pull of such clutch moments |
my friend and I pretended to collect money for church so we could buy buckets | Am I missing something? Is bucket slang for something? I’m picturing a couple of kids getting really hyped up to buy a shitload of pails and building a massive sand castle. |
I go to two different dunkin donuts depending if I want hot or iced coffee. They both know me and my order by heart when I walk in. It would be too awkward to change my order on them now. | Speaking as a barista (although not at Dunkin), I pride myself on remembering everyone's drinks and sometimes even starting them while they are standing in line but I am not at all upset when they go for something different instead! We want people to have what they want. |
I did the YMCA with a hospice patient's arms while she was unresponsive | I was caring for an old lady in her last few days. Her grand-daughter visited. I asked what music her grandma liked. She said Frank Sinatra. I put on the CD. The first song comes on. |
I have been a drug/alcohol addict for the last 3 years and I've told no one | welcome to reddit - you’re not alone in this |
I paid rent in cash and then re stole the money from my landlady | She knew, I'm sure and not to make you feel worse, but people don't typically rent out their extra rooms unless they need the income to help cover high cost bills that they're struggling with like their mortgage, medical care/treatments, providing for a family member in some way, etc... |
I stole towels from a small hotel even after the hotel owner showed us incredible kindness | U can still make it right |
When I was a kid I carved my sister's name into the inside door of our parent's car, blamed her for it and got away. | Now she's probably gonna see this post and think "That little cunt". |
I stole a Halloween costume from Walmart for my son | As an ex cashier and manager at walmart for 7 yrs. Don't feel too bad. There were plenty of times I saw people steal and sometimes I let them.. Once A mother buying house hold goods and groceries had the bag of cat food sitting on a little girl's winter coat. Another time a Mom bought $200 worth of school clothes a... |
i lapsed on c*caine after being 2 years clean. This sucks. | Same thing you did last time, pick yourself up, dust yourself off... One. 2years will be back in no time |
Ive been teaching the dog to open doors to annoy my cousin. | You’ve made a demon of a dog |
My mom stopped singing because of me | Open up to her, tell her that you miss her singing. Trust me if anything will get her to sing again. it’s her kid telling her they misses it. Just a thought. |
In high school, I stole my friend’s parents car & took it for a joyride. Then we ditched it in the hood, with the keys in the ignition & someone else got arrested for stealing it instead of me. | "I swear officer! I found it!" |
I lied about seeing a bear to get into the newspaper | Thanks to you, somewhere in the woods this conversation occurred, |
In private/my residence, I (34M) live my life as a woman. | Congratulations to you for being brave enough to live your life how you want, even if it's just in private. Good on you. |
i scammed someone for $2500 of bitcoin and I gave it back to him | You did the right thing in the end. And very few people on your shoes would have. Hopefully, he learned a lesson as well and will be more careful, too. |
I'm dying | I'm very sorry. Life is fucked, and I appreciate this wake up call. I hope the remainder of your time is as wonderful as possible. |
I eat customer's leftover food at work and the worst part is my excuse... | tbh i dont blame you. |
I'm a 31 year old woman and for the first time, I made the mistake of trusting my fart. It was a shart. A big one. | This happens to us all eventually. If you get to your 50s and someone says it never happened to them, I wouldn't trust them. |
I gave my sister weed when she was 12 and she ended up on heroin. | Trauma is the gateway drug. What your sister needs is compassion and therapy. You're not responsible for that. |
i put the lemons with the most seeds in the drinks of customers that are rude to me | That's actually quite funny. |
I sold a pair of fake Jordan’s to a kid and now I can’t sleep | You literally can undo it though... Just send the money back? |
When I was a teen pretended to play fight a girl so I could touch her | I think your more grievous sin is your flagrant lack of punctuation. |
I keep replacing the packs of uncooked cookie-dough in the freezer because I know my roommate has been stress recently and they help to have on hand. | My wife and I would get a costco sized tub of cookie dough. At first we would bake a couple of cookies each and call it good. |
When I was 11 I put a tack pin side up on the bathroom mat in my friends bathroom.. | Lmaoo did you tell your buddy?? |
I never took 12th grade English | My English 102 class in college and had a guy teaching who was retiring after the semester so he ran out of fucks. No attendance, movies in class every day with no assignments. He even had what movies we were watching each day on the schedule so you could show up if he was playing something you wanted to see. My fin... |
I used to flatten my parents tires so they couldn't take me to school | how many flats did your parents think people get in one year? |
I lied to my parents about graduating from college. | A couple years into college, I dropped out of a very expensive school that my parents were paying for. The shame and guilt of that decision stayed with me for a long time (they knew about it). I was also depressed and burnt out and listless and ended up in a psych ward for severe suicidal thoughts. They took away my be... |
When my boyfriend sends me a message with something like "I love you" or "❤️", I ignore it... | Tell him that, so instead of ignoring him, he just sends you more messages so youll always have an I love you on your screen |
Counterfeit money to get quarters from change machine | The vending machine at my school would malfunction if you put a 20 in it |
I convinced my parents to get a divorce | Actually, I have to say I am impressed by your handling of the situation. I know a lot of kids that age that would go to ruins because of a situation like that. Instead, you solved it in the most responsible way, a way your parents should should've taken years before from what I can tell. |
Faked a sore throat and had my tonsils cut out | I almost had my appendix removed because I was faking stomach pains to get out of doing things |
Got fed up one day, so I made up a fake book title for my reading log called "The Lucky Leprechaun". Teacher still gave me full credit. | TLDR: Your teacher didn’t care. |
When I was a preteen I stole a towel full of quarters from my best friend. | As a kid who also grew up in a food unstable house hold and would go many days without eating... finding 20 bucks when I was outside instantly made me cry because I knew it meant I could eat that night as well as my family. Feeding a starving child takes precedence over a few dollars your friend wouldnt have missed. |
I flick cigarettes back into people's cars if they are stopped | Pisses me off when they flick out their cigs while driving and I'm behind them on my motorcycle. |
Whenever I turn my back on a customer, I immediately drop my smile and roll my eyes. | Same. Worked in the restaurant industry for over a year and that is my go to when in irritated lol |
The money for snacks I sell at work go into my own pocket | When I worked at Starbucks, rather than throw out the old pastries, I’d bag them up and give them to the homeless people on the walk home. |
I lied about being homeless to avoid paying for a permanent tooth i made a friend lose | A friend of mine knocked out a tooth of mine back in elementary school. Luckily in germany everything that happens on campus is the responsability of the school, so their insurance had to pay for it. I honstly dont think either of our parent would have been able to afford a new tooth. |
I stole 40 chocolate gold coins from a candy store and bought another 20 | > "when I was a kid" ... "went home and ate them with my cousin while paying minecraft " |
I'm a 20 year old female art student and I asked my male friend to pose for me for an art project. Even though he could have posed in swim shorts, I asked him to pose nude for me just so I could see him naked. | When I was in college, a friend of mine asked me to model nude for her. I agreed, and jokingly said "I'll pose naked, as long as you're naked when you draw me." I never expected her to say yes. |
I got caught masturbating by my friend’s little brother while at her house | Well that kids spank bank is filled for the next 20 years lol |
I backed into a car in high school and actively denied it when confronted | I did this once in college. |
I use to fake my parents signature on tests in school | Curious how old you are. If you are still in school, I can understand the guilt. But most adults would probably laugh because in the grand scheme of things cheating in 8th grade just doesn’t matter. (Hope this doesn’t come off as patronizing) |
I plagiarized on my last term paper of my Bachelor degree. | If it’s really bothering you that much then why don’t you just do the rewrites and then contact your professor and say “hey, I was clearing out files on my computer to save on my external drive and discovered I submitted a draft rather than the final paper. I would be more than happy to submit the correct file if neede... |
I anonymously called my boss in the middle of the night for almost a year. | I had a friend who worked in IT many years ago as a programmer. Occasionally he would get calls in the middle of the night because something in production went wrong. If he then came in late or something, his boss would give him some crap about being late--she gave him no credit for being woken up for work in the mid... |
When I was 13/14 years old, I had trouble accepting I was gay so I masturbated to guys and at the last moment I would climax to a woman so it "wouldn't be gay". | Did you declare "no homo" afterwards too, just in case? |
I ordered security key for vending machine at our workplace | You should have gone the other way - come in on the weekend and fill in empty spots with pepsi products and granola bars. Freak out the guy coming in to restock it. |
Supposed to be working from home but just did nothing most of the week | Very relatable. But I went back to the office for a day, and reflected on how I did almost less that day. |
I used to steal from the Scholastic book fairs | I volunteered at a book fair at my kids school a few years ago, keep in mind the area was very mixed as far an incomes. We were told that if we saw a kid stealing a book to look the other way. Apparently the PTA had a fund to cover it. The thought was, if a kid wanted a book that badly they would most likely read it... |
I once pushed an elderly lady down the stairs because she noticed me and my friends do something bad | r/confession when someone makes a confession |
I stabbed my classmate on the head with a pencil when I was in kindergarten | In my primary we had something call the “curtesy award” it’s was a badge given out every Monday to the best child in the class. |
When I was in middle school, I was so heavily bullied that even the kid with cancer got in on it. | People with cancer can be assholes too. |
Bought gum with my dad’s money without telling him, threw it away hidden in one of my most prized possessions | Crazy how we can hold to such memories. I love the specificity of this one, tells a lot about you in a small moment |
I sometimes ID women to give them a boost. | That's really sweet. |
I broke into a bank-owned house and stole things ... | Honestly, the items in the house would probably have either been thrown away or taken by whomever was responsible for disposing of them. Who cares. |
I threw a trash can off of a roof in middle school and hit somebody | I was wondering how the fuck that happened! I still have a dent in my head you fucker! |
As a Caddie, I Once Stole Money from an Older Gentleman | I wouldn't say this is stealing. This is just the other guy giving you a tip as well. |
I drugged a co-worker and he can't tell anyone | No one likes a W |
I stole $45,000 from my former employer and think I am morally justified | Why do you think people never investigate financial crimes? There is literally an entire field dedicated to finding it. Forensic accounting and auditing. |
I put peanut butter in my friend's drink thinking she was lying about her allergy. | Jesus Christ |
My first two tattoos on human skin (other than my own) were on two 13-year-old children (not mine) | This is the quality content I'm here for. |
I stole a lot of cigarettes from my dad. | I think most teenager smokers have done this. My nan was a secret(not so secret very badly hidden, who waters the plants at 10pm?!)smoker and we found her stash and would pinch one or two when we were round because we were skint then use our pocket money to randomly put a 10box back when we could. |
I can get free McDonald’s meal any time without paying anything. | Don’t update the app |
My friend and I burned down a house when I was a kid | Shit this better be a alt account arson in some states has no statue of limitations |
Found $760. Didn’t return it even though i knew who lost it. | I had this happen once. I was mowing a friend's lawn for some extra money and found a wad of bills on the street. Turned out it was $1,000 even. I really needed the money at the time and I was really tempted to keep it, so I decided that if it was his I'd return it to him and if not it was mine now since I didn't know ... |
I told my school my mom died in Afghanistan. She then did a surprise visit on leave to the school. | Similar thing happened to me but the opposite way... |
I spiked the entire offices coffee supply with decaf coffee beans and told nobody. | Just don't do that the other way around. My dad drinks decalf because he has a heart condition and caffeine can kill him. |
I know that my husband has sex with other women. | Get yourself tested for STDs |
I’m a liar but only in one tiny, stupid regard. I say “I just woke up” all the time when I absolutely did not | This is almost entirely harmless, but it sounds like the root of it might be a lack of self confidence. Maybe you could give yourself a break and reframe seeng yourself "awkward" into natural or authentic. |
I threw mangoes on my neighbours house and it got all stained | I always knew it was you and your cousin! I’m on my way over to settle the score! |
We bribed a kid in our high-school to take the blame for an adult video cassette. | That's funny as shit! Back in those days, my brother got a "tape" stuck in the VCR, and had to shamefacedly take it to be repaired. He said when he picked it up, a couple people came out of the back of the shop to laugh at him. |
I lied: I did give you the slice of pizza that dropped on the ground. | I got a laugh from the title but as I read on I just got sad. Sorry man. |
[No Regrets] I bought a rooster just to piss off my neigbors | 10/10 approve. As a flock owner I️ concur this an acceptable cock move ❤️ |
I used a corporate "emergency" credit card for 3 years on small things for myself. | They keep shit like that in their back pocket to fire ur ass if they disapprove of your performance in the future |
When I was 11, my dad’s girlfriend’s 22 year old son used to regularly beat my dad up to a bloody pulp in-front of me. I’m 30 now, and I’m still haunted by it.. | Holy fuck dude. So sorry to read this. Do you have an option to speak with a therapist to help you process this? |
I was mean to one of the only people who were nice to me in High School | Contact her and be honest with her like you did here. |
I was relieved when my ex cheated on me so I didn't have to stay in contact with their kid. | Does your current spouse want kids or is he just fond of them? I can't see the relationship lasting if it's the former. |
In High School I plagiarized a paper from the internet and submitted it via Turnitin. | I once plagiarized myself after suspecting my professor didn't read our papers. I didn't even change the date so I had plausible deniability of "accidentally printing the wrong file." I received an A 2 weeks in a row on the same paper. |
I work for an ice cream store. If a customer is rude, I purposely give them less than what they asked for or tell them we’re out of the topping they want even though I have more in the back. | That's honestly what they deserve. As long as you're not spitting in their ice cream or something like that |
In Year 12 I lied to my science teacher, saying I handed in an assignment that I never even started. I ended up getting a B+ on it. | Man, you are lucky! I handed a major assignment in, but the teacher made me re-do it because she had lost it lol. Now, I take pictures of everything to keep as evidence. |
As a kid, i stole military equipment from not so abandoned military base | This is 100% Eastern Europe. |
The first time I drove by myself after getting my license, I had a minor accident but never ever told anyone - not even the driver of the other car 👀. | That's actually really impressive tf |
I give away food when my managers not looking | Pro tip: Keep track of as much as you can and waste what you think should be recorded! |
Stole a girls money on picture day. | Im sure she's still pretty pissed off about it... I'd definitely use caution about fessing up... |
I got hired at McDonalds with the intent of doing the bare minimum and intending on getting fired | Sounds like they beat you at your own game and they played the long game and won! |
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