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Dataset card Data Studio Files
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Pam: What's wrong Michael? Michael: I got gum in my hair. Pam: You do. Michael: This just stinks. Don't touch it, please don't touch it. Dwight: You've got a ton of dandruff. Michael: OK, let me be. Jim: How'd you get gum in your hair? Michael: I was walking in and I noticed something shinny under Stanley's car and I g...
Michael: Everybody! Everybody! Listen up, I need your ideas, now! Ideas please, right now! Go! Go! Come on! Pam: Michael we don't know what you're talking about... Michael: Wet cement, outside. It's drying fast, come on. This is a lifelong dream. What do I write? What do I write? Kevin: Michael you could put your initi...
Michael: Hey. Ready? Come on, show me excited! Oscar: Yes. [small fist-pumps from both Pam and Oscar.] Michael: Yeah, I'm pretty excited too. Michael: Today I'm heading over to the job fair at Valley View High School, to find some new interns. Want to get some fresh blood. Um, euthanize this place. Darryl: Hey, are we ...
Dwight: [cell phone rings] Hello, this is Dwight Schrute. [phone keeps ringing] Hello? Jim: [presses button on headset] Hello, this is Dwight. Dwight: Hello? Hello? Jim: Yes, we do have that. Hold on one second... Dwight: Jim, what are you doing? Jim: And how many would you like? Dwight: Uh, uh, hang that up right now....
Michael: All right, everybody. This is your last meal, so eat up. [cheering] Dwight: From this point forward, you will not use the bathroom. We need to keep our starting weights high so we can lose more. Michael: This summer, corporate is sponsoring a little weight loss contest between the branches. Whichever branch lo...
Pam: [on the phone] Well, I should go. Jim: Alright. I'll tell everybody here that you say hi. Pam: No, don't. I'm mad at them. Jim: Why, what happened? Pam: Not one of them called to congratulate me on our engagement. Jim: Ah. That... they might be off the hook for because I... didn't tell them. Pam: What? Why not? Ji...
Dwight: [looking pregnant] Hey Michael? Michael: Yeah. Dwight: Contractions are coming every ten minutes. Michael: OK, just remember to keep breathing. Dwight: My cervix is ripening. Michael: OK, good. Jim: [drawing two family trees on a whiteboard] Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor. And Michael is prepari...
Receptionist: Pam, line three. Pam: Okay, thanks. Pam: New York, as it turns out, is very expensive, and I ran out of money. I thought about selling a kidney, but Michael offered to get me a part-time job at corporate. Pam: Hey. Michael [on phone]: Paaam-o-laaaaaa... Pam: Of course, now Michael knows where to reach me ...
Kelly: [dressed as Carrie Bradshaw] Wow you guys look amazing. Stanley, I thought you hated Halloween. Phyllis: [dressed as Raggedy Ann] Shh. He wears that so he can sleep at his desk. Who are you? Kelly: Oh, I'm Carrie Bradshaw from Sex And The City. Phyllis: Mm. I like your shoes. [Kelly has 5-inch heels on] Kelly: T...
Michael: Hey, sport. Dwight: I heard someone got engaged, you dog, huh? [punches Michael's shoulder] Michael: Ow! God! Dwight: Oh, nothing can hurt you now. You're a man in love! Darryl: I was there. That dude is not engaged. I'm not a big believer in therapy, but I'll go into my own pocket to cover his co-pay. Andy: B...
Michael: Did you know that in Morocco it is common to exchange a small gift when meeting somebody for the first time? In Japan you must always commit suicide to avoid embarrassment. In Italy you must always wash your hands after going to the bathroom. This is considered to be polite. Jim: Why are you telling us this? M...
Angela: Are you swallowing them whole? You're eating them so fast, are they even touching your tongue? Kevin: [with mouth full] Yes. Dwight: Brownies is it? Hm. Pastry cubes made of sugar and fat? No thank you, I'll stick with my jerkie. Jim: So why did you come in here? Dwight: To socialize. And inform. Michael: Oh br...
Oscar: Here are our final actual costs for this year. Michael: Mmm... okay. Oscar: As you can see, we did pretty well, so... Michael: Yes. Yes, I can see... that we did indeed. Why don't you explain this to me like I am an eight-year old. Oscar: Alright, well this is the overall budget for this fiscal year along the x-...
Dwight: What is this? Jim: Happy Holidays, Dwight. But do not open it till Christmas. Dwight: You're so pathetic. How long did this take you? Three hours? Jim: Five minutes actually. I am a black belt in gift wrapping. Dwight: Yeah, no such thing. They don't give out black belts for things that are stupid. [scoffs] Wel...
Pam: [answering the phone] Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. I'm sorry, he's not in yet. Would you like his voicemail? Michael: [heard yelling from the street] Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, okay! Twelve miles an hour. Eat that, Carl Lewis! Pam: Angela made several 911 calls about cars going too fast in front of the building, so the pol...
Dwight: What's this? Jim: Looks like a red wire. Dwight: Hmm. It wasn't here before. Jim: Well it's a computer Dwight, computers have wires. Dwight: Yours doesn't. Jim: Doesn't it? Dwight: No, it's going in a different direction then the other wires. Jim: Dwight, I am really busy, I can't talk about this anymore. [Dwig...
Dwight: Last week I gave a fire safety talk. [clears throat] And nobody paid any attention. It's my own fault for using PowerPoint. PowerPoint is boring. People learn in a lot of different ways, but experience is the best teacher. [lights a cigarette] Today, smoking is gonna save lives. [throws cigarette into garbage c...
Michael: [breathing heavy over intercom, starts laughing] Jim: This morning the phone guy comes in, and he shows Michael that the phones have a PA function. And then he just left. Michael: [over PA] This is your captain speaking, the office will be flying at an altitude of two stories. Look out your left hand window an...
Michael: I am on a lecture circuit. I'm goin' around to all the branches, and I'm telling them my secret recipe for success. Michael: I have now memorized all of your names. Shirty, Mole, Lazy Eye, Mexico, Baldy. Michael: [holding a chainsaw] And I turn it on and I say 'Prepare yourself for the Utica Chainsaw Massacre....
Phone Salesman: Hi. Pam: Good morning, can I help you? Phone Salesman: Yes, I'm from Techstar about a new phone system for you. I was wondering if I could talk to Michael Scott. Pam: I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Phone Salesman: Really? He's never around when I come by. Pam: Shoot. Pam: They have new phone systems ...
Pam: [on the phone] Yeah, that's no problem. Michael: Pam? Pam: [on the phone] Sure. Uh huh. Michael: Pam? Knock, knock. Pam: I'm on the phone. Michael: I know you are. Knock, knock. Pam: [on the phone] You can fax it over. Yeah, 5-7-0-5-5-5-0-1- Michael: [at same time as Pam] 4-9-1-7-4-5-1 Pam: 0-1-7-5. Thank you. Bye...
Dwight: Michael, since it is your fifteenth anniversary at the company, I thought it might be appropriate to begin the festivities with a fifteen-minute round of applause. Michael: I like it. Dwight: Followed by a fifteen minute moment of silence. Jim: [wearing a tuxedo] I don't know. Is it classy enough? Dwight: Jim! ...
Michael: I had no idea when I got in that car and headed to New York I was going to quit. I got on that ramp and I thought two hours, two hours to go. Feeling good. Listen to some tunes. Should've peed before I left. Kelly: Michael get to the good part. Michael: Okay, so. I get up to the building, I get to the revolvin...
Jim: [phone ringing] You gonna answer that, Kev? Kevin: Oh, right. Thanks. [reading off index card] Dunder Mifflin, this is Kevin. Please hold while I transfer you. [cupping the mouthpiece, yelling] Oscar, your mom! Jim: Charles is having Kevin cover the phones for a while. How do I say this diplomatically? [pause] I t...
Michael: It's Britney bitch. And I am back, in the form of a new company. The Michael Scott Paper Company. [tries to parallel park, hits car.] Okay. Not gonna make this one. [drives away revealing plenty of space for the Cruiser] Jim: LOVE the hair. [Ryan walks up driveway with blonde dyed hair] Pam: Morning Michael! M...
Michael: Hup! [throws cheese puff to Ryan who catches it in his mouth] Pam: Things are a little slow here. And there's only so much cold-calling you can do in a day. Turns out there's no limit to the number of cheese puffs you can throw at someone's face. Michael: Hup! [throws cheese puff to Pam who catches it in her m...
Michael: It's 4:30 in the morning. Do you know where your kids are? If you are Ryan's parents or Pam's parents or my parents, you do. They're gonna be in this van. With me. Who am I? Nothing to fear. I am just a 44 year old guy with a paper route. Michael: [honking horn] Time to make the donuts. [laughs and drives away...
Kevin: At least once a year, I like to bring in some of my Kevin's Famous Chili. The trick is to undercook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot. I'm serious about this stuff. I'm up the night before pressing garlic and dicing whole tomatoes. I toast my own Ancho chilies. It's a recipe pas...
Erin: Oh my God! I can't believe it! I jut won an art contest! [Erin screams, Pam and Jim look at each other, Dwight, laughing, gets up and hands her some money] Erin: [whispering] Thanks. I still don't understand why you wanted me to say that. Dwight: Shut up. Dwight: [laughs hysterically] I got her! Pam: Not cool, Dw...
Erin: [phone rings, whispering] Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin... He's not available right now... Uh huh... Yes... Sure, I'll give him the message when he gets up- gets back. Jim: Michael had chicken potpie for lunch. Actually, let me rephrase that, Michael had an entire chicken pot pie for lunch, and- let me be more spe...
Michael: [enters office, somersaults onto couch, kicks over painting and lamp] Parkour! Dwight & Andy: [rush into office, Andy climbs on reception desk, Dwight holds video camera] Andy: Parkour! Dwight: [walking on Pam's desk, then Jim's desk] Extreme! Parkour! Jim: This... is Parkour. [turns laptop to camera, shows Pa...
Michael: [knock at Michael's Office door] Yeah? Oscar: You wanted to see me? Michael: Yes, Oscar come on in. Close the door if you would. Thank you, thanks so much for talking to me. Oscar: Yeah sure. Michael: I'm going in for a procedure today. Oscar: Is everything okay? Michael: Yeah, it's routine. I'm just a little ...
Dwight: [in Michael's office] Could you please sign my expense report? Michael: No way, no how. Expense reports are a day-to-day item. That is Jim's now. I am exclusively big picture, epic. Dwight: [in Jim's office] Sign this. Jim: Ah, ah, ah. Where's the 'please'? We're not animals. Dwight: Sign it. Jim: No, not witho...
Pam: I'm sorry. You guys have probably noticed my stomach's a little more sensitive lately. So, if you wouldn't mind wearing a little less perfume... and if your lunch is especially pungent, maybe have it in the break room? Jim: We would really appreciate it. Dwight: Pam is constantly throwing up because of the pregnan...
Michael: The fundamentals of business. The funda-mentals of business. 'Mental' is part of the word, I have underlined it. Because you're mental, if you don't have a good time. You have to enjoy it. Toby: Well the 'fun' is in it. [conference room group chimes agreement.] Michael: Get out. Toby: [halfway out] Yeah, I kno...
Erin: They're back! Kevin: Oooh yeah... [people chuckle] Jim and Pam! Kelly: How was Puerto Rico? Was it so romantic? Jim: It was. Pam: It really was. Jim: Really was. Kelly: [voice cracks] I'm so happy for you... Jim: Puerto Rico was awesome. Pam: Oh my gosh. The honeymoon was great. We met this other couple at the re...
Michael: Welcome children of the Scranton Industrial Park Community. Kids: YAY! Michael: Join your gangsta pumpkin on his palette truck of doom. Don't worry about a thing. Rest assured you will see me later. Bwah ha ha... [bumps into something] ... ha ha ha. Jim: We are doing a haunted house this Halloween. Which is ac...
Dwight: Good morning everybody. Who would like an authentic New York bagel? Hmmm? Stanley? Stanley: Thank you. [reaches for bagel] Dwight: No, no, no, no. I got a pumpernickel just for you. Andy: Wow. H & H. You went all the way to New York City to get us bagels? Dwight: Oh, why? Is there a place closer that sells them...
Dwight: [screaming, Phyllis and Dwight wrestling] Got you! Broken arm! Boom Boom Boom! Broken Nose! Boom Boom Boom Boom! Broken Nose! Boom! Ha, gonna flip you! Jim: Once a year Dwight holds a seminar updating us on the newest developments in the world of karate... because as we all know, the one thing thousand year mar...
Oscar: [Dwight enters dressed as Recyclops] Not again. Dwight: Bow down before Recyclops. Jim: Five years ago, corporate said we had to start a recycling program for Earth Day so Dwight took the lead on that and introduced us to a very close friend of his named Recyclops. Dwight: Happy Earth Day, everyone. I'm Recyclop...
Andy: You wanted to see me? Michael: Yeah, Have a seat. Andy: Is it serious? [Michael stares] Wow. Andy's a wittle scared. Michael: Okay, right there is the problem. There have been reports around the office that you have been talking baby talk. Andy: Why would people say that? Michael: I have it on good authority that...
Dwight: [yelling] Attention everyone! Jim and I, on behalf of- Jim: Too loud. Dwight: #NAME? Jim: Too, too loud. Too Loud. Dwight: But effective, look! [everyone turns to pay attention] On behalf of Jim and I, Merry Christmas. Everyone: Merry Christmas. Dwight: Merry Christmas. Good. Dwight: My diabolical plot is on ho...
Michael: Dunder Mifflin is about to be sold. But first an investment banker has to drop by and sign off on our branch. And... I'm... pretty nervous about it. And... I'm... making some cosmetic tweaks to help create a more appealing environment. Is that dishonest? Well, think of it this way: when you look in the mirror ...
Michael: Oh, yeah. [clapping and chanting] I got a big box, yes I do. I got a big box how 'bout you? [points to Erin] Erin: [clapping] I got a big box, yes I do. I got a big box how 'bout you? [points to Oscar] Oscar: I think you don't know what you're saying. Michael: It's from 'Sob-ray', our new owner, and it is to S...
Hotel Employee: [on phone] Vancouver Court Hotel, how many I help you? Michael: Hello Vancouver, this is Michael Scott calling from the United States of America! I have a reservation in your fair city from February 12th to the 19th, first week of the Olympics. Hotel Employee: Well, we are looking forward to having you,...
Pam: [on the phone with a client] I just wanted to check and see if there's anything you needed before I went on my maternity leave... Yeah, I'm pregnant... Great, well, I'll write up the order. Okay, thanks. Dwight: Wait a minute! You can't do that. You cannot exploit your baby for sales. Jim: [on the phone] Hey, did ...
Michael: Hello hello. Top of the morning to you! Ooh ooh! Green M&Ms! Nature's Viagra! [Grabs and pours Kevin-esque scoop of M&Ms into his coat pocket] Two of my favorite joke areas combined. It'll be a good day. Kelly: I don't want to bring my friends, why can't it just be the two of us? Ryan: Because it's St. Patrick...
Michael: Hey Jim, Jim. Come here. [holds up photo] Do you know who that is? Jim: No. Michael: Look at him. Look at him - t-shirt, jeans... Jim: Is he you? Michael: [laughs] I am flattered. That's Johnny Depp. Jim: Where did you take that? Michael: In my condo complex. Jim: Oh my God, that's right. I read in People maga...
Dwight: [Michael grunts and strains while doing push-ups] Breathe. Work your core. Come on. Michael: How many is that? Dwight: Not counting the last one, 25. Michael: Count the last one. Dwight: Ok, 25 and one girl push-up! Michael: Oh, new record! Dwight: Okay. Michael: Oh, what did you do today? Jim: I made a sale. M...
Cookie Monster: [Kevin's voice] Oscar, Toby said he left my Girl Scout cookies on my chair. Have you seen them? Wait I'm sitting on them. [all laugh] Andy: This is awesome! Oscar: Thank you. It didn't even take that long. Cookie Monster: [Kevin's voice] What's the difference between a chimichanga, [Kevin arrives behind...
Michael: Buenos dias, Erin. Erin: Buenos dias, Miguel. [phone rings] Hello, Dunder-Mifflin. Michael: No, no, no, no. Solamente en espanol, por favor. Michael: I believe that every man, woman, and child in this country should learn how to speak Spanish. They are our neighbors to the South, and this would be a healing th...
Dwight: Stop it! Jim: Stop what? Dwight: You're talking about me in Morse Code. Well, you know what? Joke's on you 'cause I know Morse Code. Ha! Jim: [chuckles] Yeah. That's what we're doing. In our very limited free time and with our very limited budget, we went and got a nanny and then we went out and took a class on...
Toby: This here is a radon test kit. [holding out tiny cylinder disc] Okay I will be putting 'em everywhere. And... please don't throw these out. [starts snapping towards Michael's face] This is a radon test kit. [continues snapping] Please don't throw these out. [Michael gives annoyed look] See them all over the offic...
Michael: [on Youtube video] There is nothing wrong, nor will there ever be wrong with any Sabre printers. Case closed. [phone rings, Michael picks it up] Michael Scott, as seen on TV. Todd Packer: [high-pitched voice] I saw you on the news and I want to pinch your tiny wiener... [normal voice] It's Packer! Michael: OH!...
Stanley: [to Toby, who's filming] You fallin' behind. Ryan: [jumps in front of camera] Wuphf.com! Kelly: Ryan, we're doing the dance! Ryan: This is how you build a business. This is how you make it in this country. Creed: [Bluetooth rings] You got Creed. Ryan: #NAME? Kelly: You make it so hard to love you sometimes. St...
Dwight: Wow. Late every day this week. Pam: We signed Cici up for this daycare. It's on the other side of town. The traffic... Dwight: Why didn't I think of this before? Did you know that there is a daycare center opening right here in this building? Jim: Is there really? Dwight: Now that I own the building, I'm lookin...
Erin: Andy? [Andy starts boombox and begins singing 'The Ballad of Sweeney Todd'] Jim: Yes! [as other costumed actors come in and join Andy in song] Erin: Did you write this? Andy: No. Erin: Who did? Andy: Steven Sondheim. Erin: Who is he? [rest of Sweeney Todd cast enters and continues singing] Angela: What the hell i...
Dwight: [driving past a line of Mexican men looking for work] Hola, hola. Necesito une bueno worker. Tu esporte! Come on! [man walks away] Que? QUE? Mexican Man: [speaking Spanish] Son: We don't go with that man. I've seen several men go with that man and not come back. Mexican Man: [speaking Spanish] Son: We've lost f...
Michael: Look at that. Oscar: Huh? Michael: Nice! Oscar: I love cycling. Andy, I feel like a tourist in my own city. I literally can't wait to wake up every morning. Pam: Okay. Michael: She is a beaut! Dwight: Can't beat a horse. A horse is a bike that peddles itself. Oscar: Yes, it is. Michael: Oh, look at that. [push...
Andy: What about this one? It's kinda badass, right? Just seems kinda crazy in a way I might need right now. Jim: I don't know. [looks at Stanley, who took his mug and is drinking out of it] Oh! That's... not... yours. Jim: Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug, and didn't seem to realize that it wasn't his hot coffee. S...
Pam: I know a lot of us have been feeling under the weather lately. It's that time of year. And according to a study done by the University of Arizona, they've discovered that your keyboards have hundreds of times more bacteria, per square inch, than a toilet seat. Kelly: I heard your momma had more bacteria per square...
Erin: [to Gabe] They caught the Scranton Stranger, they trapped him in his house. [run to conference room, everyone is watching the news on a monitor] Reporter: Police have now surrounded the apartment complex. Michael: [whispering to Pam] They have him surrounded. It's the SWAT. The SWAT's arriving. Reporter: It is un...
Dwight: [lights and power go off] Uh-Oh. Okay, okay, nobody panic. Listen Up, listen up. [Turns On Flashlight and holds it to his face] Everyone, follow me to the shelter. We've got enough food for 14 days. After that, we have a difficult conversation. Michael: [as the power and lights come back on] My Bad. Space Heate...
Dwight: [picks up pencil between his toes] Jim: Why? Dwight: Twenty minutes a day Jim, that's all it takes. Twenty minutes a day, all feet, no hands and I'll have the pedi-dexterity of a chimp, and you'll be sitting there like an idiot. [attempts to place pencil in pencil sharpener] Okay. Here we go. Ah, yes. [accident...
Nate: Got it. [taking a group photo outside] Pam: Okay let's go in. I'm freezing. Michael: People, wait, wait, wait. Come back, come back. One fun one. We're gonna do a fun one. Jim: One Charlie's Angels. One. Let's go. Pam: Okay, this is just a Christmas card from your paper supplier. No one's putting this on their fr...
Man: Next up, secretary Schrute will read the minutes from Sunday's meeting. Dwight: Minutes from previous meeting of Knights of the Night. No, Jim, hey! Jim: Oh. Dwight: This meeting is for Knights of the Night only. Dwight: Knights of the Night are volunteer crime patrollers. We're often compared to the Guardian Ange...
David Brent: Oh, sorry, mate. Michael: [English accent] Oh, sorry, mate. Excuse me. Mate. David: [laughing] What you doing? Michael: English? David: You picked on the wrong person, I can tell you that. Michael: Oh no no, I'm not picking on you at all. You're English, correct? David: Yeah big time, yeah. Michael: I'm wo...
Kelly: Everybody, can I please have your attention? Ryan and I have a huge announcement. Erin: Oh my gosh! Phyllis: Wow. Kelly: Over the weekend, Ryan Bailey Howard and I got divorced. [throws ring on the ground] Meredith: Sweet! Free Ring! Andy: Divorced? Ryan: Just so you know, it's totally amicable. We're fine. We d...
Pam: Hey. How you doing? Darryl: Thinking about my grandmother a lot. Pam: Yeah. Darryl: She was about to turn 97. Pam: At least she lived a very long and I'm sure, a very happy life. Got you this card. When you're ready. We all signed it. We just wanted you to know we're thinking about you. Darryl: Thank you. 'Congrat...
Michael: After three years of writing, one year of shooting, four years of re-shooting and two years of editing, I have finally completed my movie, Threat Level: Midnight. Michael: Erin... what are you doing? Erin: Guys! Guys. Did you guys know that our own Michael Scott has made a movie, and that he maybe will let us ...
Dwight: I have the best survival stock shelter in north eastern Pennsylvania. But everything has a shelf-life. So I must eat and replace everything that's about to expire. It's nice not to have to plan my meals. Kevin: You're eating eight year old tomatoes? Dwight: They're still good for another week. Meredith: You kno...
Pam: Hey Oscar, big Will and Grace fan huh? Oscar: No. Everybody assumes I am. I always get them as gifts. Pam: Oh. Pam: Dunder Mifflin is having our first own garage sale. Like many Americans, we realized we had a lot of things that we really didn't need. And 10 cents of every dollar is going into the party fund so we...
Michael: Kahlua Sombrero, please. Waiter: All right, so just you tonight? Michael: Actually, I am meeting somebody, but I'm a little bit early. Leaving my company. After 19 years. Deangelo: I'll drink to that. I'm starting at a company this week. Michael: Oh, really? Deangelo: To begginings and endings. Michael: And to...
Michael: It is six a.m. [DeAngelo yawns] and we are about to go house to house to give everyone their Dundie Nomination Certificates. Just like the Oscars! DeAngelo: Yes, and this happens every...? Michael: Every year! This happens, you have a lot to learn my friend. [DeAngelo laughs] DeAngelo: Well, you know, why don'...
Michael: [sitting on the roof of the office building] Well, I'm moving to Colorado to start my new life with Holly. Just up here, getting used to the altitude. Dwight: [walking up] Michael? Michael: Yes? Dwight: I've got a treat for you! Michael: Ahh, thank you. Like a butler. Dwight: Colorado specialty, Rocky Mountain...
Deangelo: So, coasting time is officially over. Big changes are comin', and they're comin' fast. If you don't like 'em, this is called a door. You can walk right through it. Alright. I'm not here to be your friend. I like my life outside of this place. I live to leave at 5. Change number one: Darryl. Per your request, ...
Pam: We could get Deangelo flowers. Dwight: No, you can't get flowers for someone who's in a coma. They'll wilt before he wakes up. Phyllis: That's true. Jim: All in favor of the baskets full of chocolates, teddy bears, and balloons? [all but Dwight raise their hands] Dwight: Wait, wait. All in favor of the knapsack fi...
Creed: [drives up to the entrance of the building, his license plate reads 'NEW MGR'] It's a beautiful morning at Dunder-Mifflin, or as I like to call it, Great Bratton. [gets out of car, tosses his keys toward a nonexistent valet parker] Keep it running. Creed: Do I love being manager?... I love my kids. I love real e...
Oscar: Oh, for God's sake. [notices Erin planking on parking lot curb] Oscar: Planking is a very stupid and dangerous trend. Basically, you lie like a plank in weird places. That's it. Sometimes you get run over. Welcome to the Internet. Erin: Planking is one of those things where, eh, you either get it or you don't. A...
Jim: Hey, so this isn't matching up with this, and I'm not sure which one's right. Can you just hunt down the original for me? Kevin: Yes. Me do. Jim: Alright. Jim: Hey Kev, what were you saying before about the paperwork? Kevin: Me do it now. Go. Stop worry. Pam: Kevin, do you feel OK? Kevin: Me feel good. Body strong...
Dwight: ...back orders and you never called them. Oscar: Can you believe this? Erin: There's a dog in the car. Oscar: You can't leave a dog in a parked car. [points to 'I'd rather be snowboarding' bumper sticker] Snowboarder, it figures. Jim: Do Snowboarders hate animals? Oscar: I bet this guy didn't leave his weed in ...
Jim: [entering office] Hey. So, we saw a new billboard. Andy: Yeah? Pretty cool, huh? Andy: What better way to announce our new slightly lower prices than with an ad campaign? And what better face for an ad campaign than our new regional manager? Andy: How'd it look? Jim: You've seen it, right? Andy: No. Pam: Andy, som...
Andy: [looking at Angela's costume] Approved! Andy: [claps] Chef from South Park, it's genius! Stanley: Just some chef. Andy: I've decided to pre-screen all the Halloween costumes this year. I have three simple rules - don't be offensive, don't be cliche, and don't take the first two rules too seriously. Kevin: The gor...
Andy: [Flickering Lights] Hey everybody it's closing time. You don't got to go home but you can't stay here. [Plays radio and the song is Closing Time by Semisonic] Erin: [Laughs and shrieks] Andy: Closing time. Andy: Every office needs an end of the day tradition. Something to tell you the day is over. Otherwise, you ...
Andy: Erin. Erin: Yeah. Andy: In two minutes I want you to come into this meeting and tell me I have a really important phone call. I'm not going to take it because I want him to know how important the meeting is to me. Erin: Who's calling? Andy: Nobody. Just say that I'm- Just make it up that I have a phone call. And ...
Gabe: The Sabre Code of Conduct outlines the governing principles key to establishing and maintaining trust with our employees, clients- Kelly: Oh my God, kill me! Andy: Hey! All right, obviously we all want to die but we have to get through this. So, Gabe go ahead. It's okay. Gabe: Oh, is it okay with you? Because if ...
Dwight: [knocks water bottle on to Jim's desk] Oh, little help. Wow your hair is really thinning. Dwight: Standing is proven to be healthier, increases productivity and just looks cooler. Picture someone doing something heroic. Now was he sitting or standing? Not counting FDR. Dwight: Every second you sit there is an h...
Andy: [Singing as if he were the dolls in his office] Christmas tiiiime is heeeere! [Normal voice] Wow. Thanks guys, that sounded amazing. Hi, I'm Andy Bernard and I am the first office Santa ever to make holiday wishes come true. Andy: Who's excited to get their holiday wishes? Stanley: Holiday wishes. Andy: What's th...
Kevin: Oh yeah! All: Aw! Dwight: Knew it! I knew it! Soon as I heard that wrapper. Oscar: You really have to say 'oh yeah' every time you eat a candy bar? Kevin: I can't help it, Oscar. It's just really good. [takes another bite] Oh yeah! Jim: All right, not bad at all. I think we can beat 20 minutes though so let's tr...
Dwight: Oh, ugh. [stands and looks at meatball in chair] What is this, a meatball? Really? [Stanley laughs] Jim: It's always more fun to mess with Dwight with an audience. That was usually Pam so now that she's out I had to find someone else. Turns out that Stanley is quite the comedy fan. But not everything makes him ...
Andy: Val, I need the space. Val: All right guys, clear out. Andy: Everybody out. Val: Promise me you're going to clean up. Andy: I can't promise what I'm going to do or not do. Val: Promise me that- Andy: Obviously I'm going to clean up. Andy: Stress is like the uptight mayor or a town who's saying, 'Hey, we're uptigh...
Jim: Oh ho! Look who's back reporting for duty. Pam: Hey guys! All: Hey. Pam: [laughing] Hi. Andy: Pam! Ahh! Look what I can do now that she's no longer pregnant. [pretends to punch Pam in the stomach] Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Phyllis: Are you glad to be back? Pam: Yeah. Yeah, I mean I could have used another week, or three...
Dwight: Today is the first day of Sabre's new project to develop a chain of retail stores. I am meeting my new boss, Nellie Bertram, head of special projects. Work starts at nine. Sabre HQ is thirty minutes away, driving the speed limit. Giving everyone twenty minutes to shower, plus fifty for Jim to style his hair, tw...
Pam: Hey Angela, you wanna see a picture of Phillip wearing those little booties you got us? Angela: So cute. Oscar: Hey, you guys want to see a picture of Gerald wearing galoshes? He refused to go out in the rain until I bought these. Now going out in the rain is all he wants to do. Pam: Oscar thinks that having a dog...
Dwight: Today is the test launch day for the inaugural Sabre store. Brr brr brr BRR [imitating trumpet] and I, Dwight Schrute, am in charge of the entire operation. If I can prove myself today and the store is a hit with the media and Nellie sees this, the vice presidency is mine. Ryan: Are you holding this chair? Dwig...
Andy: [exiting office] Everyone stop what you're doing, I have terrible news. Dwight is no longer with us. Everyone: [gasps] What?! Why is that? Andy: He's gone, damn it! He's been promoted to VP of Sabre Retail and he's staying in Florida forever. Angela: So, he's alive. Andy: Yeah. That was him on the phone. He sound...
Pam: [telephone ringing] This is Pam. Oh my God, are you sure? Uh, okay. Okay, um, we'll be right there. Everybody, the balloon is falling. Kevin: Nice. Pam: There's this balloon that has been floating in the rafters of the warehouse for, like, ever. And, okay, it's not - it doesn't sound cool. You just have to see it....
Pam: Hey Jim. Stanley's back from the hospital today. Can you sign his card? Jim: Oh, great. [reads] 'Glad they didn't mix up your tonsillectomy with a moustachectomy.' Oh that's not good. Phyllis: Oh, because your jokes are all hilarious. Pam: It's nice. It's funny. It mentions his tonsillectomy and makes a funny litt...
Phyllis: Whoo! Wow, it is raining cats and dogs out there. Holy moley. Jim: Phyllis says the same twelve clich��s every time it rains. So, I promised everyone that if she says them all by noon today, I will send out for hot chocolates. Darryl: So how was the drive in? Phyllis: Oh, nobody knows how to drive in the rain....
Ryan: [pacing back and forth.] No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no. Pam: Okay fine. Ryan, something the matter? Ryan: Smokey's dead. Pam: Smokey, the bear? Ryan: Smokey Robinson Pam. He died like an hour ago, I guess I'm the first to know. Jim: Wow That's terrible, I really liked him. Ryan: Oh you liked ...