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knowing themselves accepted, they lounge-mentally, mannerly, and physically-when at home or elsewhere alone together. | [
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other responsibilities, other interests, may serve a similar purpose, though more easily dislodged and seldom striking so deep. | [
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common friends are fine, but for this purpose there is special need of friends for either spouse who can call forth those sides of his or her nature that are not aroused by the mate. | [
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the factor that underlies all the perplexities, and most of the contentment, of marriage is its unique degree of concentrated intimacy. here the supreme testing always comes. | [
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each means so much to the other, each needs so much from the other, that there can be no halfway satisfaction in being together. | [
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but there will come a first time when john is too tired to go out with mary, or vice versa. | [
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the general level of emotion is what counts, not the spectacular scaling of peaks. | [
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others cannot utter a poetic phrase, make a romantic gesture, or let their eyes show the quick intensity of their tender emotions if they must die for it. | [
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this difference is one of make-up and training, not of marriage capacity. | [
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another terrible moment that is due to come may seem even more frightening because it is you who are slipping. | [
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soon or late you find that some familiar mannerism of your spouse displeases you. | [
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how, then, can you hope to keep your affection from disappearing altogether if it has already begun to wane? | [
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there can be no holding on to the present nor seeking to bring back the past. | [
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to interpret the marriage association as little more than sex is to throw away all chance of success, even in the realm of sex. | [
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as a continuing part of this life adjustment, sex adjustment can develop into a permanent factor of married happiness; but without the larger adjustment, the partial adjustment cannot be made in any fundamental and enduring form. | [
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one who prides himself or herself on having to be handled with gloves has a great deal of growing up to do in order to be able to be an active partner in the marriage. | [
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in the healthy marriage, this sympathetic response will soon give way to anger, which in turn may have the effect of a dash of cold water in the face of the oversensitive one, helping him or her to buck up and behave like an adult. | [
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in the unhealthy marriage, sympathy will grow into pity, which drives out the indispensable attitude of respect. | [
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both get hurt, but the weak person does nothing but squeal about it, while the robust ignores it except for trying to take some constructive step to prevent future occasions for hurt. | [
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"why doesn't his wife tell him of that unpleasant mannerism, so he can correct it?" bears witness to the universal appreciation of this function of married life. | [
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as this is an impossibility, they are aware of increasing dissatisfaction. | [
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the changes a husband or wife makes in the partner's total personality are in the nature of altered emphasis in the expression of traits already present. | [
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for example, mary wants to buy a car, just as john is reckoning that the time has come to build a house. | [
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all this must be taken into account in making decisions. | [
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... | 1116 |
too great concentration is to be avoided. | [
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... | 1116 |
does this mean that you no longer love your mate as you did? | [
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... | 1116 |
these traits cannot be changed overnight. | [
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that comes from understanding and cooperation. | [
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more has a paralyzing effect on the recipient, producing a response in kind that takes away the ability to think of anything except retaliation. | [
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temperament, mannerisms, tastes-all that is implied in the distinct individuality of each person-make up the chief source of the advantages and disadvantages with which the couple enter marriage. | [
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we are all immature at some points, but we can welcome opportunities for growth, painful though they may be. | [
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then one begins to appraise. | [
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even the greatest love stagnates if it is kept out of the main current of life. | [
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like everything else that is alive, it must be kept growing through exercise, or it wastes away. | [
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the tale is never told. | [
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unworried by any fear of calamity, each marriage partner can turn to account his or her powers of discernment by learning to recognize the assets as well as the liabilities of the partnership. | [
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at no point can the domination of either partner over the other take the place of adjustment. | [
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if you are tired or irritable, you can rest or exercise for restoration, as in the days before marriage. | [
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0.6... | 1116 |
love gives the push that keeps a marriage moving, but it does not give the direction. | [
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... | 1116 |
love has grown up between the two as a result of this personality attraction. | [
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0.47... | 1116 |
some of this relaxation is a good thing, but it is a mistake to let home and spouse degenerate into nothing more than an invitation to be lazy. | [
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0.552... | 1116 |
or perhaps he wants to invest money in professional or business advancement at the precise moment when she realizes she wants a child. | [
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respect for the other member of the marriage association is a must have. | [
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knowing that a fleeting sense of disappointment is not peculiar to one's own marriage, but likely to occur in all, as in every other human undertaking, takes away its power to hurt. | [
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stiff minded people who are frank only when angry lose their case before they present it. | [
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when john comes home at night, he has not had that privilege. | [
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there can be no narrowing of marriage to mere sex adjustment. | [
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this changeableness can make her feel resentful after she has given in to her husband. | [
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what makes a successful marriage? | [
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fatigue and nervousness, expressed, breed fatigue and nervousness in a sympathetic audience. | [
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the wife may be alone part of the day and profit by it. | [
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this is why the unique value of children is their service as an entering wedge in the close grown love of husband and wife, a wedge that widens and holds forever wider the unity of love it has penetrated. | [
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that does not mean they are unadapted to each other. | [
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at first the emotions seem to stand still-this is the long coveted moment! | [
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in the sex life in marriage, as in other parts of the association, each partner wins by considering the other before the self. | [
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for the very young a person must register one hundred percent or be rejected. | [
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your love is now becoming less self centered and more helpful to your partner. | [
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before them is a clear road. | [
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and finally, they must know what constitutes a happy marriage-what to aim for in their day to day association. | [
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but if john nurses hurt feelings whenever mary punctures his vanity by suggesting that he presents to the world a less than perfect front, mary may soon lose courage and relinquish her wifely job of husband improvement. | [
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some husbands, some wives, are artists at achieving and momentarily living up to romantic settings, but quickly flop down to the lower levels of decent fairness between the high spots of their sentimental flare ups. | [
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you remember other people you once thought you loved, and wonder, panic stricken, how you can keep this love from dying as those other loves did. | [
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nobody can suddenly change his personality at will, and the effort to do so to please the partner is liable to result in a topheavy hypocrisy-a superstructure calculated to impress the observer, but built on a shaky foundation of chaos. | [
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it is an empty honor, for the one who bends but does not break will readily develop the fine art of influencing the headstrong one. | [
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a chief advantage of the married estate is its opportunity for frankness. | [
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now that you can see your mate more clearly, you should also be able to see more accurately his, or her, good points, which before were hidden from you in the mist of your enthusiasm. | [
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and your vexation terrifies you. | [
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but love is not a finished product that, once it comes, can forever after be trusted to keep its strength. | [
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therefore you have to respect yourself and act as if you did, even at home. | [
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it is useless to discover who can win in any particular skirmish. | [
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nor is it necessary, or at all wise, that they should be. john attracts mary, and she appeals to him, because the personality of each one is what it is. | [
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nor are they necessarily permanent. a chameleon changes color easily to match its environment or temper of the moment, but a human being's more lasting change is not so readily made. | [
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the marriage partner who is mature will maintain trust in the other's good intentions in the face of what might seem to be occasions for hurt feelings. | [
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but the first days of marriage bring out a different set of feelings-those that come when one has definitely obtained possession of anything that before was only promised. | [
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each marriage partner must be proud of the other and let the other continue to be proud of him or her. | [
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the goal is not easily won, but they can attain it without the aid of luck or rare gifts or miracles-simply by practicing the common everyday virtues that bring success in all human ventures. | [
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not to happiness, as they may believe, but to the opportunity for gaining happiness. | [
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... | 1116 |
this is probably an almost universal experience, marking, not the beginning of the end of love, but the passage from an adolescent type of blind devotion to a more mature affection that persists in spite of being able to admit the flaws it sees. | [
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is the object of one's wishes as desirable as one had expected? | [
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frankness must go clothed in tact. | [
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compromise, not submission, should be the rule. | [
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friends, old and new, have a function in relieving the overclose concern of one marriage partner with the other. | [
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because of women's recent growth in socially recognized independence, any individual woman may waver between a craving for self sacrifice and a repugnance to the very thought of it. | [
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if the expression of anger is to have its proper stimulative effect, it has to be administered but rarely, and then in small doses. | [
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0... | 1116 |
you cannot help your change of feeling. | [
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... | 1116 |
if john forges ahead on one count, mary must find an acceptable outlet for herself on some other front. | [
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it may be a slight uncouthness at table, a peculiar back country phrase or pronunciation, some gesture of timidity or swaggering. | [
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... | 1116 |
to wait until they are beset by them is to beg for trouble. | [
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the ease or difficulty with which husband or wife makes an adjustment in no way measures the worth of that adjustment for their partnership. | [
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0... | 1116 |
he had called that longing by other names, but he knew it now for what it was when, hearing, he was satisfied. | [
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where was the eagerness and zest of new dawns, the earnestness of well filled, purposeful hours of labour, the satisfaction of a good day worthily lived, at eventide the unbroken rest of long, starry nights? | [
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0.867... | 6367 |
with the thought came a great yearning for home. | [
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... | 6367 |
no, he would not go down. | [
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0... | 6367 |
he had not heard from or of joyce for many years. | [
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0.8... | 6367 |
suddenly, glancing over his shoulder, he saw through an arch of black fir boughs a young moon swung low in a lake of palely tinted saffron sky. | [
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0.9... | 6367 |
why was it lacking, that light he had so often hailed at dark, coming home from boyish rambles on the hills? | [
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0.88... | 6367 |
when it was quite dark he descended the hill resolutely. | [
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0.882... | 6367 |
it needed but a glance, even in the dimness of the summer night, to see that the old house was deserted and falling to decay. | [
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0... | 6367 |
he could not ask him what had become of joyce cameron. the question was on his lips a dozen times, but he shrank from uttering it. | [
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1.0049... | 6367 |
so he had walked in the old days, but he had no dreams now of what lay beyond the hills, and joyce would not be waiting among the firs. | [
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0.7... | 6367 |
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