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(panting)
What happened?
I died, eva.
I had a dream.
It was about us.
Uh, you, you had these, like,
Uh, itty-bitty animals, and, uh, you were playing with them.
A little baby goat
And, uh, chickens.
I don't understand, steven.
In the dream,
You were caring for the animals.
Uh, because you were with child.
At least that's
What it meant to me.
I'm glad you came back.
As am I.
(indistinct radio transmission)
(car door shuts)
Our friend buckley run into a little trouble, did he?
Gunshot.
He tried to get out of the car.
Made to look to like a robbery.
There he is.
Well, I'd say karma's a bitch.
But this goes way past karma.
Well, I don't know much about karma.
But it looks like he had some tasty caramel corn
Before he bought it.
Cia's just gonna say he's a rogue agent
|
Acting on his own.
Cooper:
Like it never happened.
Maybe not.
(whistles)
You call them?
Yeah, I did.
I owed them a favor.
So, you've got five minutes
Before I call state and the cia.
Can watch them make up a story.
Whoa!
How are you gonna write it up?
I'm not.
Guess they retired him, huh?
Surprised they don't have a bunch of cocaine
And dead hookers laying around to help sell the story.
How high do you think this shit goes?
Hopefully all the way.
But you're happy, right?
Like...
With everything, you're happy?
Yeah, as happy as I ever get.
You're not gonna bail out or anything, right?
Yeah, don't get all mushy on me.
All right.
Just wondering.
Let's write it.
You publish it.
Eleanor:
|
This is good.
Thank you, cesar.
You want me to go with you?
No.
I prefer to do this myself.
I can wait for you.
No.
I'm fine.
Go be with your family.
I'll be with mine.
(insects trilling)
(bird chirping)
Do you remember this place?
The first time you made me lie down,
The acorns pricked my back.
I started to cry.
You drank
The tears from my face.
You told me to be a good girl.
A quiet girl.
You told me
This was a private place and no one could hear us.
Then you touched me.
You took my grace.
And after that,
There was only blackness.
And the feeling of acorns on my back.
I want you to feel them.
(shushes)
(quiet laugh)
|
Do you want to touch?
Do you want to touch...
Daddy?
Touch me, daddy.
The demon is still inside of you, isn't it?
Whatever it is that rots inside of you.
(laughs)
(growling)
Daddy.
(growling)
You can't anymore!
You can't anymore!
(both grunting)
Sonya:
Stop!
Now.
It's over, eleanor.
Put up your hands.
Now.
You can kill me.
Go ahead, shoot.
I'm not gonna do that.
I would.
I'm not like you.
Marco?
I need your help.
Thanks for coming.
Yeah, of course.
Who's that?
Her father.
|
Did you kill him?
You could've just let them
Kill each other, you know.
I didn't think about that.
You taking her to el paso?
They're gonna fire me when they find out what I did.
They can't find out.
I don't know what I'm gonna do with her.
I have some ideas.
You can grab her.
Put her in the car.
I'll take care of daddy.
Captioned by mediaaccessgroupatwgbh access.Wgbh.Org
Previously on The Bridge...
Do you have what she wants?
He's a little shy with the daylight, and he bites.
The CIA put Eleanor back on the street, and either you don't know jack shit about it, or you're in on it.
Are you gonna shut down the pipeline?
BUCKLEY:
I'm working on it.
You'd better, because the last thing we need is to be called in front of Congress.
I want my daughter back and Fausto dead.
We all want that.
(gunshot)
(gasping)
What is this?
FRYE:
I don't know.
McKenzie had it on him.
|
What, did he give it to you?
We kind of... broke in and took it?
FRYE:
They're the same maps.
SONYA:
But Eleanor's has GPS coordinates.
FRYE:
Let's get out there.
You take the van, I got the semi.
Be careful.
Copy.
(sighs)
(phone buzzing)
- Yeah?
- I got a visual on the van.
I'm going to pull it over.
Goddamn it, Sonya, no.
You'll wait for backup.
You don't know what's in there.
Do you copy?
Copy.
(siren whoops)
(siren whoops again)
(semi truck engine idling)
Turn off your engine and step out of the cab!
Step out of the truck now!
(engine idling)
(engine idling)
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
|
WADE:
Shit.
(breathing shallowly)
Linder...
♪ Until I'm one ♪
♪ With you ♪
♪ My heart shall not ♪
♪ Pass through ♪
♪ Our love will be mistaken. ♪
Lieutenant.
Did you call me out here to rub my nose in this whole Eleanor Nacht fiasco?
No.
Well, you were right.
- About the CIA?
- Yep.
That's not all they've been up to.
Look at this.
Who else knows about this?
Besides my people?
Just you.
Okay.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Have you inventoried this?
Not yet.
But my people think there's ten tons here.
At least.
Holy shit.
(phone buzzing)
Excuse me.
|
Sonya.
What do you got?
Landed.
Car pulled into a garage.
WADE:
You sit tight.
I'll have backup come to you.
Do you understand?
Copy.
Oh, hey there, Daniel.
What the hell are you doing here?
BUCKLEY:
Here, sweetheart.
Take a cab home.
- (laughs) 20 bucks?
- Here.
Don't forget to tip.
Go.
I'll see you.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Possession of classified documents is a crime, Daniel.
You, of all people,
- should know that.
- He gave those to me.
Yeah, right.
Look, whatever it is you-you think you know, you actually don't know anything at all.
- (laughs)
- You're in the deep end, Daniel.
If you go under,
|
- you don't come back up.
- Oh, yeah?
What is that?
Your idea of some kind of
- shitball threat?
- No.
But this is.
I can arrange it so that your partner finds your body in the morning.
Overdose.
And given your history, no one's gonna bat an eyelid.
(scoffs)
Now, if she's smart...
and-and I think she is... she's gonna put this little story you've been working on in a drawer and forget about it, 'cause if she doesn't...
Well, you know, maybe she tries to hurt herself again, like she did two years ago.
Only this time, she succeeds.
What, you didn't know about that?
What exactly do you think is going on here?
Well, I-I think the CIA is at war with the DEA.
I think you guys got a bunch of covert operations that are funneling drug money into the United States of America.
What you're getting back for it
I-I don't exactly know, but I'm gonna figure it out.
And I'm pretty sure you call yourself a patriot, and you tell yourself that you're managing a drug war, that you are keeping the blood on the other side of the border.
The whole thing is a bullshit game.
You know what?
That's not bad.
Everything except the game part.
This isn't a game, Daniel, it's a business, and we have an investment in that business.
- Oh, so it's all about money?
- No shit.
You see, if we keep doing our job right, then, you know, well, life just goes on.
|
You know, the DEA
- keep busting drug shipments...
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Come on!
And, you know, posing for pictures.
The Mexicans blame the Yankees, white folk worry about the brown folk, and we keep on building the wall.
What about the truth?
Does anyone care about the truth?
Here's the truth:
you're a drunk.
You got fired from a third-rate paper.
No one's gonna believe your shit no matter how true it is!
(phone buzzing)
(sighs)
Yeah?
Look, I-I'm kind of in the middle of something right now...
Oh, shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I copy.
Burn it.
I'm on my way.
I'll fix it.
(chuckles)
So here.
Take a drink.
Forget about the story.
(door opens)
(door shuts)
(insects trilling)
(coughs)
|
Romina...
(speaking Spanish)
(muted gunshot)
(sighs)
(crickets chirping)
Stop!
El Paso PD.
Down on the ground!
Give me your jacket.
What?
Your jacket, dipshit.
- What are you doing?
-
- What does it look like?
Want me to put her with Chico here?
Nah...
It's bad luck to kill a cop.
I need removals ASAP.
What do you mean "hold"?
!
Yes, I can hold.
(engine shuts off)
I did everything we agreed to.
So have I.
(whispering):
There will be work to do when Fausto's dead.
Of course.
(wry laugh)
Can I ask what you plan to do with him?
Do you really want to know?
|
After all the trouble getting him for you, yes.
I'll take him home... to the oak tree.
(stairs squeak)
You want me to open it?
No.
I want the demon to see my face.
(sets down lock)
(door creaks, sways)
(floorboards slowly creaking)
(footsteps approaching)
Hello, Father.
- What happened?
- Hey... (car door closes)
Buckley was here.
- Yeah?
- There was a body.
One of the drivers from crossroads.
They shot him and... (sighs)
What's he doing here?
(sighs) He's on our side.
- No, he's not.
- ADLER:
Okay.
You said there was a body, where?
(sighs) Right here.
All right,
Buckley came up behind me... knocked me down.
And you are sure it's him?
Yes!
I'm sure!
|
Okay, okay.
We'll have our crime scene techs take a look at it.
What the hell is going on?
Go ahead and tell her.
(sighs)
You stumbled on the pipeline.
Two weeks ago,
I got a call from Agent McKenzie, saying that he had evidence that the CIA was helping Fausto smuggle heroin across the border.
We know that.
When the banks crashed, somebody at the CIA floated the idea of flushing dye into the system;
see where the money ended up.
They thought they could control it... they couldn't... it happens.
(whispering):
And you knew about this?
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
You know, you might want to get that looked at.
I'm gonna make sure that someone is being held responsible for this.
Sonya, come on, come on, let's go talk to Linder.
Come on.
- This is bullshit.
- Yeah, it's bullshit.
(sniffs)
(Romina grunting, panting)
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, yeah.
Romina, Romina, Romina, Romina.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
|
(coughing)
(panting):
Sí.
(groans) (grunts)
(Romina sniffs) (sighs)
(grunts)
(unzips bag)
(panting)
(sighs)
(sniffs)
(sighs)
(quietly grunts)
(bubbling)
(scoffs)
(groans)
(chuckling)
(bird squawks)
(sighs)
(yelling)
(groaning)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Okay...
Hey!
And then what?
!
(all three groaning)
FRYE:
Hey.
Well...
|
Hey, guys.
Hey.
When did you get this?
I love these things.
These things are hours of good times.
You're drunk.
- I am not.
- Bullshit!
This morning I'm just,
I'm just kind of buzzed.
That's all.
I have somebody willing to go on record about Buckley.
Oh, the CIA doesn't go on record.
They just break in your house and burn your shit.
They reached out to me.
Really?
You reach out to my friend at Border Blog?
It is on my list of things to do.
You should; we need a place to publish this.
Oh, yeah, we're gonna blog?
This is what we do now?
We're-we're bloggers?
They get more hits than this place.
They're not afraid.
They're not afraid 'cause they live in their mother's basement.
That is where bloggers are bred.
In-in basements.
You're drunk and stupid.
I am not stupid.
Come on, we'll talk about it on the way.
|
Okay.
But I am bringing my ball.
We need to know how you ended up in that truck.
I was in Juárez.
Trying to find a girl.
What girl?
Eva?
No... a woman in trouble with a violent man.
I was trying to... take her out of there.
It was... nothing unusual.
Except you tripped across a billion dollars of heroin, Steven.
I have no idea how I got in that truck.
Did those drugs belong to Fausto Galvan?
How the hell would I know?
(Romina moaning)
MARCO:
Okay.
(clicking)
(laughing)
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Hmm.
Oh. (laughs)
(quiet laugh)
You're not gonna get anything out of him.
(cell phone ringing)
Cross.
Sonya, it's Marco.
I need your help.
I have Fausto Galvan.
{Speaks Spansih}
|
Okay?
No.
(shushes)
Oh, no, no.
Okay?
Hey.
How you doing?
Thanks for setting this up.
Thanks for agreeing to meet.
You got any, like, credentials or something?
Oh, I see.
The station chief.
Wow!
That is quite impressive.
We done sniffing butts or can I get to my statement?
She's got a statement.
About your story.
What do you think our story is?
Agent Buckley is, um... a sick man.
His psychiatric problems have evolved over the last few months.
We're still trying to determine the extent of it.
That's your statement?
For now.
Yes.
You're wasting our time.
You've been running Buckley the whole time, haven't you?
No.
Agent Buckley was operating without my knowledge.
I doubt that.
Where's Buckley now?
|
He's being evaluated.
We got to find Buckley.
Any sign of the Marines?
No.
I came the way you said.
- Good.
- Where's Fausto?
Inside.
Come.
Does anyone know you're here?
No.
I didn't tell anyone.
What about Robles?
Robles can't touch me anymore.
I'm taking her to a hospital, and I want you to stay with her.
Okay?
Okay, but what about Sebastian?
He gets a free pass?
- One thing at a time.
- Eleanor works for him.
We take down Fausto firs then we see.
Caramel corn?
So, how's Jesus?
I don't see him anymore.
Oh.
That's sad.
So, how do you feel about journalists?
I don't.
Good, then I have a job for you.
I already have a job.
|
Wha-What kind of shit is this?
Carla?
I didn't get her name.
Just the money.
(gunshot)
(car horn honks)
(tires screech)
Sonya?
Don't tell anyone who she is, all right?
Until you hear from me.
Come.
Here.
Keep her safe.
Okay.
Good luck!
(speaking Spanish)
Sí, Marco.
ROBLES:
Marco?
No, no, no.
No, señor.
♪ ♪
(sighs)
SEBASTIAN:
Detective Cross?
- Where is my daughter?
- She's safe.
For now.
Fausto shot her.
I don't understand.
|
Marco has Fausto.
It's over, Sebastian.
He's gonna turn him in alive.
I only care about my daughter.
No, you don't.
But if you do want to know where she is, you're gonna tell me where I can find Eleanor Nacht.
Sí. _
(chuckles)
Oh, no, no.
♪ ♪
Hey.
(panting)
What happened?
I died, Eva.
I had a dream.
It was about us.
Uh, you, you had these, like, uh, itty-bitty animals, and, uh, you were playing with them.
A little baby goat and, uh, chickens.
I don't understand, Steven.
In the dream, you were caring for the animals.
Uh, because you were with child.
At least that's what it meant to me.
I'm glad you came back.
As am I.
(indistinct radio transmission)
(car door shuts)
Our friend Buckley run into a little trouble, did he?
Gunshot.
He tried to get out of the car.
Made to look to like a robbery.
|
There he is.
Well, I'd say karma's a bitch.
But this goes way past karma.
Well, I don't know much about karma.
But it looks like he had some tasty caramel corn before he bought it.
CIA's just gonna say he's a rogue agent acting on his own.
COOPER:
Like it never happened.
Maybe not.
(whistles)
- You call them?
- Yeah, I did.
I owed them a favor.
So, you've got five minutes before I call State and the CIA.
Can watch them make up a story.
Whoa!
How are you gonna write it up?
I'm not.
Guess they retired him, huh?
Surprised they don't have a bunch of cocaine and dead hookers laying around to help sell the story.
- How high do you think this shit goes?
- Hopefully all the way.
But you're happy, right?
Like... with everything, you're happy?
Yeah, as happy as I ever get.
You're not gonna bail out or anything, right?
Yeah, don't get all mushy on me.
All right.
Just wondering.
Let's write it.
|
You publish it.
ELEANOR:
This is good.
Thank you, Cesar.
You want me to go with you?
No.
I prefer to do this myself.
I can wait for you.
No.
I'm fine.
Go be with your family.
I'll be with mine.
(insects trilling)
(bird chirping)
Do you remember this place?
The first time you made me lie down, the acorns pricked my back.
I started to cry.
You drank the tears from my face.
You told me to be a good girl.
A quiet girl.
You told me this was a private place and no one could hear us.
Then you touched me.
You took my grace.
And after that, there was only blackness.
And the feeling of acorns on my back.
I want you to feel them.
(shushes)
(quiet laugh)
Do you want to touch?
Do you want to touch...
|
Daddy?
Touch me, Daddy.
The demon is still inside of you, isn't it?
Whatever it is that rots inside of you.
(laughs)
(growling)
Daddy.
(growling)
You can't anymore!
You can't anymore!
(both grunting)
SONYA:
Stop!
Now.
It's over, Eleanor.
Put up your hands.
Now.
You can kill me.
Go ahead, shoot.
I'm not gonna do that.
I would.
I'm not like you.
Marco?
I need your help.
Thanks for coming.
Yeah, of course.
Who's that?
Her father.
Did you kill him?
You could've just let them kill each other, you know.
|
I didn't think about that.
You taking her to El Paso?
They're gonna fire me when they find out what I did.
They can't find out.
I don't know what I'm gonna do with her.
I have some ideas.
You can grab her.
Put her in the car.
I'll take care of Daddy.
What's wrong?
Let's not let a salesgirl upset us.
I decided on this one.
Look, it's perfect.
The ideal mask.
You adjust the strap like this.
Great quality.
I tried them all.
Solid, scratch-proof, not too tight.
The perfect mask.
Actually Rudolf, I don't want to go to Lisbon.
- What do you mean?
- This isn't gonna work.
I've got it all planned.
It's our vacation.
I booked a great hotel, I bought the tickets.
We're all set to snorkel, I reserved our spots...
Just hear me out, please.
I'm sor, Rudolf.
I don't love you anymore.
|
I can't go on like this.
I think we should call it quits.
No worries for the apartment.
Stay for now.
I'll go to Yann's.
Over summer, you can look for a place.
Take your time.
I'm sor, Rudolf.
I've read it's really bad to drink from the can.
This is weird.
What time did you tell him?
5 pm.
What'd he say?
Not much.
I think he's glad we're playing again.
And he's got the rackets.
I'm really glad too.
I was sad when we stopped.
When he got with Pierre.
I'll call him.
Hello, Rudolf?
It's Gabriel and Nicolas.
You coming to the park?
We're here, bring the rackets.
See you.
Voicemail.
I'm walking, walking, walking...
Pierre,
On Sunday mornings when the sun was out, a sunbeam would shine clear across the room.
You'd sit in the sunbeam all morning.
|
I'll never forget that.
That sunbeam.
I'm glad it's crappy out today.
Hi, it's us.
Not answering your phone anymore?
Sorry about the kids, I'm babysitting.
We were at the cemetery and thought we'd drop by.
- We brought chocolate éclairs.
- Thanks.
This is my cousin Jean-Luc, he just showed up.
An impromptu visit.
This way, kids.
Sorry I didn't call you back.
We need to talk.
What's with the boxes?
I'm going back to Austria.
I found an apartment and rented a truck.
He's going back to Austria.
What?
What's with that?
You haven't been back in 15 years.
You've got no one there.
My mind's made up.
You always said it was the armpit of the world and you'd never go back.
It was tough for me before, but I feel stronger now.
I'm no longer afraid.
I really want to go back.
Cut it out!
- What about your job?
- I quit.
|
I've heard Austria's beautiful.
When do you leave?
Tomorrow.
I was going to call you tonight.
- Isn't this rather sudden?
- That's the way to move forward.
It's all planned.
Strasbourg-Munich-Salzburg, an hour to Schladming, then Ramsau.
I found an apartment.
You're going to your village?
- Not Vienna?
- What's the point?
I'm not leaving Paris for Vienna.
- Got an ashtray?
- Sorry, it's packed.
Jules, stop hitting your brother!
What'll you do there?
Get a job and start writing.
I've never been able to here.
It's my home.
I can't pretend it doesn't exist.
I don't think I've been happy here.
I made a mistake.
I need to go back.
Maybe it's silly but...
I miss my language.
Doesn't that mean something?
Can't you play elsewhere?
No!
The éclairs!
|
Here.
Got any coffee?
Sorry, the machine's packed.
Cut it out.
Who's that?
My grandmother.
Shit!
My Nina Hagen records!
Who's Nina Hagen?
We are.
So you're leaving us.
Rudolf?
You've packed beautifully!
You can visit.
You already had one!
What about us?
Did you think about us?
Think about us!
Take the kids back to the cemetery.
We need to talk.
- Ok.
Come on.
- Thanks.
I don't know what to say.
Me neither.
It's all so sudden.
We can't even say anything.
There's rarely time to say anything in life.
What is there to say anyway?
I don't know.
|
There must be something to say.
No, there's nothing to say.
And we're off!
And we're off!
- And we're off!
- Go!
Where'd you get that shitty truck?
I bought some bananas.
What're you doing here?
My boss gave me 5 days off.
I gave myself time off.
Where are your boxes?
It's tough to go it alone.
True.
- I'm not sure.
- Don't worry about me.
We won't walk much.
Who cares?
It's only 5 days.
You can't climb a mountain in sneakers.
I've seen them all.
These are the best.
You think?
- Can I help you?
- We're totally lost.
No we're not.
Know anything about hiking shoes?
Of course.
We're going to the mountains in Austria.
High mountains?
|
You know, mountains.
What's the elevation?
Elevation?
Dunno.
- What's the elevation there?
- Up to 2,500 meters.
Smooth or rocky terrain?
- Smooth.
- Rocky.
- Rocky.
- Maybe both?
No, smooth.
Slippery when it rains.
I forgot the windbreakers!
Ve important.
The Alps, you know.
This model.
The Alpinist GV.
Shock absorption, Gore-Tex membrane, good breathability, waterproof, lug soles for traction and water drainage, mesh uppers to eliminate moisture.
- Very nice.
- Yeah.
Got the same thing in cheaper?
The Star-Cross GTX.
The sole is rubber but your feet really breathe.
I'm more into swimming.
You swim?
When I have time.
In a lower price range you have the Forclaz 500.
Not waterproof, but fine for hiking.
I recommend anti-blister socks with these.
|
Anti-blister socks?
There's such a thing?
The windbreakers are super pricey.
We'll take these shoes, the cheapest.
My treat.
The bananas aren't very ripe, but at 6 in the morning,
I didn't have time and not much was open.
I couldn't shop around.
I was late.
I had to run back up for my flip-flops.
You brought flip-flops?
I brought my surfboard!
I'm so hung, aren't you?
I'm starving.
At the end of that road is our old family home.
What time is it?
Ten to eight.
It's hopping around here!
Listen to the silence.
Rudolf!
Little Rudolf!
Hello, Johanna.
I barely recognize you.
How you've changed!
Come in.
My friends, Nicolas and Gabriel.
Come on in!
How long has it been?
1 7 years.
Wow, that long?
|
How are your parents?
They're doing well.
How are you?
Fine.
I'm pretty busy.
We're full, the place is packed.
And there's no end in sight.
Are they saving electricity or what?
Here we are.
Room 10.
Thank you, Johanna.
It's beautiful.
Rudolf, I'm a bit embarrassed.
When you called this morning and asked if I could move you to an inexpensive triple room...
I thought, I don't know why, you were bringing your family.
I mean, your wife and child.
So I put in a child's bed.
I'm sor.
It's ok, we're only staying one night.
Right.
Well, sweet dreams.
Wait, what time do we eat?
Sorry.
Breakfast is served from 7 to 8:30 in the dining room.
I meant dinner.
Oh, Rudolf!
Dinner is always served at 6:30.
I should've reminded you, I'm sor.
It's ok, we're not really hung.
Great.
|
Thank you.
- What'd she say?
- Dinner was at 6:30.
We dawdled too much.
Goodnight!
Nicolas!
Gabriel!
What's going on?
It's 8:23!
Our appointment's at 9.
She wants to clean up.
Sit down, the food's great.
Good morning!
How do you want your boiled eggs?
What do you mean?
More soft, or more hard?
How many minutes?
I don't know.
Is 6 minutes good?
It's up to you.
What about 5?
Or 4.
Or scrambled.
Can I have scrambled eggs?
Coffee for me.
I'll have a boiled egg, not too hard, not too soft.
Definitely not raw.
He'll have a 4-minute egg.
How about your egg?
No, I need coffee.
|
First take some muesli from the buffet, then I'll bring your coffee and bread after the egg.
She says first you get muesli, then an egg, and after that, coffee.
No.
No!
She brings the coffee after.
Listen!
Choose your egg.
Fine, I'll eat an egg.
- Cooked how long?
- 15 hours.
He'll have a 4-minute egg too.
Sorry.
There's no Viennese coffee.
It's black and you add milk.
Like a café au lait?
Viennese coffee is a Parisian thing.
Seriously?
What about viennoiseries?
Same thing.
Here we have e bread and rolls, that's it.
Viennoiseries aren't from Vienna?
Sure they are...
Actually the Turks brought them.
Forget it.
We're good, thank you.
She's always laughing.
I'm going for a smoke.
Hurry, we're meeting the owner at 9.
We can't be late.
It's all planned.
|
I have to get electricity and a phone too.
My writing desk will go here.
The bookcase... there.
And my armchair, there.
Unusual view.
Austrian apartments are always spic and span.
What a dreary place!
There's never any mold in Austrian apartments.
It's great.
I'll take it.
Perfect.
I'll need photocopies of your last three pay slips.
Got them.
- Here.
- Thank you.
You work in France?
I used to work in France.
I quit.
I'm moving back here.
So you're unemployed.
Yes, but...
I can pay the first 3 months in cash.
I'm sorry, I must have a guarantee.
I'll need at least a signed commitment to hire.
What's going on?
Big problem.
I need to find a job first.
As soon as you find a job, you'll get the apartment.
Is that ok?
No easier than Paris.
|
I had a nightmare about Franz last night.
We were at the party where Rudolf introduced us.
We were in the kitchen and Franz hugged me and asked me to come to Austria.
Suddenly I was at the train station.
It was awful.
I couldn't stop crying.
Franz wasn't there.
There was no one around.
Then Romy Schneider rode by on a black horse.
Think they have a ping-pong table?
No idea.
What'll he do in this shithole?
Change of plans!
Johanna found me a possible job.
Ready?
So, do you like Austria?
Love it.
It's really pretty.
It's peaceful, quiet.
The Shining is quiet too.
The French don't know much about Austria.
True.
Except for Freud.
Sissi.
Hitler.
Mozart.
Marie-Antoinette was Austrian, right?
Arnold Schwartzenegger.
Gorgeous.
What's this thing?
|
Hear the cows?
I completely forgot about those.
What is it?
A stamp machine.
For hikers, to keep a record.
My grandma always had me stamp my travelogue.
Hold on...
I love it.
He was sweet but he surprised me.
He stuck his thing in without a condom.
I realized a bit too late.
Didn't you check?
I usually do.
I'm totally paranoid.
Usually, I even fill them with water afterwards.
- You fill the condom with water?
- Yeah.
How do you go about it?
I remove it myself and make sure there's no leak.
He kept saying, " Don't worry."
So many times I figured there must be a problem.
I went straight to the hospital for a test.
I got the emergency treatment.
Talk about depressing!
I freaked out.
Stay on the trail, please.
It's written right there.
"Shortcuts destroy the vegetation.
Please stay on the trail."
Kind of a long commute, isn't it?
|
What subway route do you take now?
I get Line 2 at Ménilmontant, change at Stalingrad... then take Line 7 to Gare de I'Est.
- Not Gare du Nord?
- No.
I'd get Line 3 at Gambetta, change at République, then take Line 5.
That's longer.
Takes too long to change at République.
Line 2 and 7.
I don't like Line 7.
It's weird.
It follows a weird route.
I don't like the subway anymore.
Have you tried the city bikes?
No.
I don't know...
It's a balance thing.
I'm not comfortable on a bike.
Maybe it's linked to my childhood.
A subconscious fear no doubt.
There's the lodge.
The Südwandhütte.
Let's go check it out.
Are you hung?
No need, I'm Austrian.
I'm from here.
- Oh, sor.
- No problem.
I'll order my favorite dishes.
How's that?
I'll have a Geselchtes with Semmelknödel and Kraut.
|
He'll have the Kaspätzle and he'll have a Kaiserschmarrn.
So two schnapps and I'll have elderflower juice.
Thank you.
The perfect job, isn't it?
Beautiful spot anyway.
Can't be too hard.
The customers seem nice.
Waiting tables is pretty easy.
Gotta stay on your toes.
And keep your distance or the customers take advantage.
Don't mix sex and work.
Thanks, but this isn't a pick-up joint.
The important thing for a job interview is confidence.
It's like an audition...
This isn't L'Oréal.
He's interviewing to be a waiter.
He has to play himself up.
What do you know about job interviews?
My life is a job interview.
I'm teasing.
Thank you.
- Shall I dig in?
- Go on.
You're going to love it.
Kaiserschmarrn.
"The Emperor's Mess."
Yours is Spätzle, mountain gnocchi.
My favorite dish as a kid.
- Cut it out.
- Bit of harmless fun!
|
You're obnoxious.
- He's clearly gay.
- No, he's just polite.
Poor thing.
- I'm going for a leak.
- Stop it!
Those kids are so well-behaved.
They're ugly.
Ever think about having kids?
With who?
I don't know.
I think having kids makes people less selfish.
Puts things in perspective.
Come off it.
You're gay.
And you only watch kids for money.
A kid gives you a future.
Kids are the future.
And there's a social pressure.
That's bullshit.
They can't make us adopt kids.
Everybody up, kids!
Time to go.
- That's Franz.
- Franz?
What?
That guy over there.
It's Franz.
You're hallucinating.
From the back?
|
I recognize him.
I recognized his voice.
Calm down.
Franz lives in Innsbruck.
265 km away.
Plus, Franz was a real estate agent, not a camp counselor.
Maybe he changed jobs!
- What do I do?
- Sit down.
- What do I do?
- Nothing.
- What do I do?
- Calm down.
Hello, Dr. Cardeillac?
Gabriel Daumier calling.
You must be with a patient.
I'll call back later.
Enough of this.
Time to see the boss.
I've come for the waiter job.
Johanna, from the Waldhof, told me you're looking for someone.
Here I am.
Very well.
I'm looking for someone serious and organized.
Organizing is my life.
Do not open the rabbit cage!
What's this?
- Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?
Great.
|
What're they doing?
Who are those basket cases?
They're my friends...
Don't go.
Leave my rabbits alone!
What're they doing?
My beautiful rabbits!
Unbelievable!
Rules are rules!
Hands off my rabbits!
Get away!
What the hell's wrong with you?
They don't speak German.
They don't?
Are you shitting me?
Are you out of your minds?
What happened?
What was that about?
He was going to hire me.
You screwed it up.
I don't get it.
What's going on?
Did you do it on purpose?
- Not at all!
We're sorry.
- It was an accident.
- We just opened a cage.
- There was a sign!
There's always a sign!
So?
|
Deal with it!
Signs are useful.
For who?
There's more signs than people.
Enough with your signs!
Maybe we should go for a dip.
A swim would do us good.
Rudolf?
If you move here you'll be buried alive.
You'll never meet anyone.
I guess if you like masturbation...
What's wrong with you?
We're still young, Rudolf.
There are a lot of signs.
But signs are very useful.
They create harmony between people.
Without harmony we can't communicate.
We can't live together.
The beauty here is partly due to the signs, the rules.
Otherwise you have chaos.
That's what I'll write about.
We need rules to fight chaos.
Without rules we sink into depression.
Beauty is not a given.
It cannot exist without rules.
Order is beauty.
Hello, Dr. Cardeillac?
Gabriel Daumier calling.
Sorry to bother you again, I know it's against the rules.
I ran into Franz earlier.
|
I'm in Austria right now.
I'm not sure I should see him again.
I've got my Prazepam just in case.
I'll call you back.
Hurry up, we're late.
ls it me or is he even more anal here?
Why'd you provoke him?
Cut the crap!
He's losing his marbles.
He thinks he's the only one with a clue.
If he doesn't mellow out, I'm gone.
He's a just little neurotic.
What're you doing here?
Need a ride?
No thanks, I'd rather walk.
Remember Eva?
She's come to give me a hand.
- How are you?
- Good, you?
Good.
You used to love playing together!
She lives in Berlin.
She's single, like you.
Mom!
ls the mountain hut hiring you?
'Fraid not.
Shame.
- I love that place.
- Me too.
I used to go with my grandmother.
|
You've lost your local accent.
So have you.
She's half-Berliner now!
See you later!
Eva, my daughter.
Funny guy!
We caught him naked!
I understand it's part of the analytical process.
I know I'm completely out of line here...
I'd like you to meet my daughter Eva...
But the thing is...
I figured I should follow my instinct.
Maybe I've reached a point, after 10 years, where I can call you, since you know the whole story.
But I don't mean to step out of bounds...
So you've gone to Austria after all?
Do you think I should t to see Franz?
No, I don't think so.
Maybe Rudolfs been right all along.
He's taking charge of his life.
Moving forward, fearlessly.
It's a brave thing to do.
True, it is brave.
I know I never say it, but...
You guys are everything to me.
Without you I'm nothing.
You've got your acting.
He has his books.
All I've got is you.
And now it's over.
Don't say that!
|
Here you go.
Nina Hagen.
Awesome, thanks.
Thank you, Rudolf.
We were kind of a gay cliché today.
I regret never bringing Pierre here.
What losers we are in love.
Totally.
Mr. Mayor!
I was just telling these gentlemen from Paris about our region.
Paris!
Wonderful!
Like some past?
Topfenkolatsche.
I know, I'm Austrian.
I'm from here.
Sorry, I thought...
No problem.
You're from Ramsau?
What's your name?
Rudolf Schwarz.
We lived on the main road.
The Schwarz family, of course.
What can I do for you?
I'm looking for work.
I'm moving back here.
This gentleman is inquiring about job offers.
There aren't many at the moment... ln November we'll need someone to run the ski lift.
Would you be interested?
Sure, why not?
|
They need someone for the ski lift.
Claudia, give him Johannes' number.
Go for it.
Beats the bookshop in Paris.
I'm not in Paris.
Unemployed people can't leave?
You need an official reason?
What can I say?
I'm helping a friend who's on the brink.
It's great you're moving back.
You'll feel right at home.
I'm sure I will.
He says Paris is beautiful, but it's better here.
More authentic and wholesome.
One can only be fulfilled in the calm and silence of nature.
One is only oneself at home.
He's awful, he wants everyone to go home.
You're so right.
For example, I live on Boulevard de Clichy.
I'm not myself on Rue des Martyrs.
He says you're so right.
He only feels at home on Boulevard de Clichy and cannot be himself on Rue des Martyrs.
I only feel at home on streets running parallel to the Seine.
He only feels at home on streets running parallel to the Seine.
They're French, it's tricky.
Thank you.
I'm very thorough and organized.
I always check everything twice, rest assured.
Come here.
We'll pretend they're skiers.
|
Stay straight.
Good.
Next.
- Everything ok?
- Great.
Grab the pole on your own.
- Got it?
- Yes.
Not too low.
Don't pull on it.
Let it pull you.
Are you crazy?
That's not allowed!
You ok?
I'm fine.
It's dangerous.
You idiot.
Sorry.
You're hired.
For a Frenchman you're not too shabby.
Thanks, but I'm Austrian.
He's hiring me!
Cool.
Why not this afternoon?
I see.
No problem.
See you tomorrow.
The flat's sorted.
We move in tomorrow at 8:15 am.
Want to see my old family home?
|
Yeah, totally.
If the owner's nice maybe I can show you my room.
Let's go.
What's wrong?
This was the kitchen.
The fireplace was here.
This was the living room, opening onto the kitchen.
We're in the garden.
My swing was here.
Grandma parked her car here.
Dad parked here.
There were fir trees.
This is my room.
- Let's go.
- We'll eat out.
No, we'll make sandwiches.
It's cheaper.
You love someone... but that love doesn't help you.
It can all be destroyed in minutes.
Five minutes.
Four minutes.
Three.
And there you are.
Facing the void.
Facing yourself.
You have to start over from scratch.
So you do.
It's so beautiful, so exciting, so terrible.
Call it hysterical.
We're all hysterical.
|
All obsessional.
All megalomaniacal.
But isn't an obsession with rules a way of controlling hysteria?
Don't we only love those who reject us?
Isn't living megalomaniacal?
I'm going back, I need to think.
Do you think human beings must move forward?
Isn't it more about... which way to go, and why?
Yes, but moving forward means you could become someone else.
You can't be someone else if you're not yourself.
You can't be yourself if you don't move forward...
Rudolf!
We're going clubbing tonight with Eva.
Want to join us?
I don't know.
We have to get up early.
Come on!
It'll be fun to go back there together.
Let's get wasted!
Look at Eva!
4 Killer Schnapps.
No thanks.
At first I found Austria uptight.
But actually people are very warm.
We always said we'd never come back here.
I've got my mom, but you...
Why've you come back?
Stop it!
Not again!
Leave it, he doesn't know him!
|
You're driving us mad with Franz!
Move on!
He's not so easy to forget.
Unlike your fuck buddies!
Know what?
I slept with your Franz too.
Frankly he wasn't much of a lay.
What's your problem?
Give me a second.
Let me breathe.
Breathe then, go on.
Just because you feel old doesn't mean I have to.
You're pathetic.
You're the pathetic one!
You get dumped and pull a geographic!
You couldn't pick someone else?
You just had to sleep with Franz?
Why didn't you tell me?
Enough about Franz.
It was 6 years ago.
You need to wake up.
You're no better, still chasing teenagers.
Way to go.
You're disgusting, repulsive.
You've got nobody.
We're all you have.
No wonder you're both single.
No wonder Pierre left you.
- What would you know?
- You're so selfish!
|
We came here to help you.
I don't want your help.
That's right.
Throw away our friendship.
We're not 20 anymore.
I've changed, but you can't.
I'm not running from Paris.
I'm running from you.
Vienna...
Innsbruck...
"Sexy...
Gay...
Rendezvous...
Ramsau Beach."
Thank you!
Thank you so much!
She gets up early.
In silence.
Everyone's asleep.
She eats nothing, takes her bag and goes.
She walks at a steady pace.
Calm and resolute.
She used to go with her husband.
Now she goes by herself.
Later, when he's older, she'll take her grandson.
He's still too little to keep up.
She reaches the first stamp machine and takes out her travelogue.
She always stamps it at 5:45 am.
Then, further on, a second time at 6:50.
And one last time at 8:10.
|
Perfectly regular intervals.
Beautiful.
She finally reaches the summit.
She sits on the bench.
Her bench.
She eats a banana.
She looks at the mountains and valley.
Her village is tiny from here.
She thinks about her family, her life.
She thinks about the future.
And on that day, for the first time, she has doubts.
She decides to leave it all.
Her family, her village, her country.
Is he dead?
Quiet everyone!
Are you ok?
Did you hurt yourself?
Let me help you.
Go play kids.
Come on!
Stop talking!
We want to have a battle.
No, we're going to play peewee golf.
Adele, time to go!
Come on.
Hurry kids, time to go!
Keep moving in the back!
Before she goes, she takes her grandson to her bench.
To the summit.
She's going to live elsewhere.
|
They're alone.
Surrounded by mountains.
She knows she'll see him less.
But there's no point being sad.
She arrives in Paris.
She drops off her things and goes out to see the city.
Her new city.
She sees the Champs-Élysées for the first time.
It looks exactly like the postcards she's seen.
She peers in shop windows.
She's never seen such lovely ones.
It's nice to be by herself.
For the first time in her life, she's truly alone.
Michi, come swim!
Coming.
She stops window-shopping.
It's too crowded.
Suddenly she stops.
For the first time, she looks at the people.
There are so many!
She finds them beautiful.
Their movements are beautiful.
Their energy is beautiful.
She weeps.
Abruptly, she weeps.
ls it because she finds it so beautiful but has no one to share it with?
Or is it because she finds it hideous and wants to tell someone?
Where are Nicolas and Gabriel?
No idea.
They left.
|
Wait Rudolf!
I've got something for you.
Wait here.
Everything will be alright.
For you three.
The three musketeers!
If you find them, give them to them.
We'll miss them.
Thank you.
Gabriel!
Nicolas!
These are for you.
Thanks.
Goodbye.
Wait.
I just wanted a Mars bar.
Fuck it!
Suddenly they call me and say:
"The ship is ready to go."
And we had to deliver the car and everything.
But now...
- We have 460 kilos of luggage?
-Yes.
That sounds completely crazy.
And then we were finally on our way.
Us brothers were on our way to Bear Island to go surfing.
But getting there, and getting on board this ship to Svalbard, had been hard work.
It's hard to describe how great it feels to be on this ship right now.
We have worked incredibly hard to get this trip together.
|
We spent a year and a half planning it.
- The conclusion for now...
-First of all:
No departure tonight.
I've packed so much already...
If I'd known how hard it was to get to Bear Island, I wouldn't have gone.
There's no airport or harbor.
It's simply a place where no one goes.
We all know Alaska is far to the north.
Draw a line from Alaska's northernmost point over to Norway, and you'll only reach North Cape.
Hundreds of miles further north, in the middle of the ocean, you'll find Bear Island.
Lots of mountains in the south.
Completely flat in the north.
People have been killed there by polar bears.
We wanted to explore the waves there and be the first ones to surf on Bear Island.
But a trip like that took an awful lot of preparation.
We had to test our gear and gather food.
A pepper.
We always try to consume as little as possible on most things we do.
One bad and five good ones.
It's crazy how much food is thrown away every day.
It's been thrown in the bin, but it's not trash.
Our goal was to spend no money at all on food.
And a lot of our gear was meant to be thrown away because of imperfections.
It looks awesome.
What's wrong with it?
These were meant to be destroyed.
Now they're coming on our expedition.
But then we didn't get permission to go by the Governor of Svalbard.
They thought it was too dangerous and that we weren't well enough prepared.
|
There could be polar bears on the island.
It's a bit silly of us to shoot a drawing of a polar bear.
Shooting one is the last thing we want.
The bear is coming.
Get the bear!
In addition, nobody wanted to take us out there.
Finally, a cargo ship going to Longyearbyen helped us out.
We would be able to get off the ship half way there.
I will miss my family and my girlfriend.
Right before I left, I found out I'm going to be a dad.
It's huge, and it feels so wrong to leave a growing tummy, but...
We need to do this.
I feel ready to release some energy now.
I will do that for two months.
Yes, yes.
Confession cam, Håkon's turn.
Bear Island, here we come!
Bear Island, here we come!
That's one...
Håkon!
Can you take one for Inge?
Bloody hell, such chaos.
He has landed now.
The island has no residents.
But nine people work at a weather station for six months at a time.
Let the adventure begin!
Now the adventure begins.
Surfing in new places is something special.
Most surfers probably have the same drive to find their own perfect wave or explore new places and new waves.
All the ice surrounding the island meant we had to wait until April.
|
We hoped the snow would stay put, so we could pull our pulks and explore the entire island.
We headed to the east coast, where we might be able to surf and also play in the snow and mountains.
It's half past three, quarter to four in the morning.
They look like the mountains of Rondane.
Soft, calm mountains.
But they're cunning, as there are cliffs on the other side.
I'd like to place the lavvo here.
I think it's better here That's in a hole.
Hole?
It is pretty straight here.
Maybe it's time to introduce ourselves.
Markus is our expert on all things outdoors.
He is trained in using a map and compass.
He takes charge and gets things done, and is multi-talented in anything that gives a kick.
On this trip, he was in charge of food and safety.
Our youngest brother, Håkon, was in charge of our gear.
He loves steep places.
He's been Norwegian champion in downhill long-board.
He is a thinker, and asks the big questions.
I'm thinking about which clothes I planned to bring.
I thought I'd bring a certain number of woolen jumpers and boxers, but...
If I bring two pairs of boxers, do I wear one of them when we leave?
Or do I bring two extra?
And I'm the oldest one.
People know me as a definite optimist, and I usually do too any things at the same time.
I live here with my girlfriend.
It's a bit cramped, but it's nice.
I like the feeling of living on the edge, while knowing that I'm safe.
I've been in charge of making this film.
Dried meat...
|
A generous amount.
Dried cauliflower.
If you like to sit in front of the fire on a cold autumn day, you'll love to sit here.
Waiting for dinner.
I've found my good cap.
Good cap...
Here I have everything at my disposal...
You need a certain setting to find your inner peace.
But this wind is making waves.
We are going to find those waves.
I say surf, surf big time.
I'm marking the protected area.
The area where we are not allowed because of the nesting birds.
It's just nice to know exactly where those lines go.
There are a few places where it looks like there might be some surf.
I don't think there's surf here either.
Will we get surf at all, with the current swell?
Well, there is a swell at the moment.
- But is it big enough?
-Yes, I think so.
It's around 3 feet.
I think...
That's something.
We must check the ground conditions.
That's what it's like to be on the search.
Where no man has set foot before.
It still looks like there's rubbish here from 100 school classes.
But maybe no people have ever been here.
It's impossible to get here without a rope.
Yet there's a lot of rubbish here.
|
But it all comes in from the sea.
There are lots of birds here too, as on the rest of the island.
Birds and plastic.
And dead birds.
Let's go bowling!
Imagine if we could surf here.
That would be insanely cool!
We looked for days, but didn't find a good place to surf.
There was still lots of snow on the mountains, which we wanted to make full use of.
We felt a pull in our legs.
Inge might want to fly.
Håkon and I are using split-boards.
We're heading up to Urd, the top of the Misery mountain.
The top of Bear Island.
Free-riding in steep terrain will always carry a certain risk.
What I like, to be honest, is maybe to do things that are objectively dangerous.
But in a very safe way.
So if you see me doing something that looks dangerous, don't assume that I'm brave in any way.
I'm not a brave person.
I don't dare to do things I think might involve much of a risk.
Whether I want to or not.
The top of Bear Island!
A hell of a long way out on the sea.
You can see the curvature of the Earth.
In all directions.
You have pepper spray and I have a signal pen.
So we don't need weapons down here.
Do we?
We can use the signal pen to try and scare it off.
If it comes, we'll use the pepper spray.
|
- Then it'll run off.
-And I'm the sniper.
- Sniper the wrong way around.
-Killing both me and Markus.
Bloody hell!
Bloody hell!
I could eat this!
Inge is crazy.
He is going to go speed flying.
Markus and I are a little worried right now.
It looks so scary for the uninitiated.
We had placed double trip wires around our camp.
If the polar bear came while we were asleep, there would be a lot of noise and fireworks.
I wish I could sleep as soundly as Håkon.
The weather is rough, things fall down, and...
The wind blows in strong gusts...
Håkon is still sound asleep.
This bloody weather...
My hands are freezing.
Fucking hell!
There's a draft.
I can't tell whether I feel clean or not.
Oh, I forgot to have a wash.
I was a bit quick with my armpits.
They're not really clean.
But some water must be good.
Come and have a bath.
You haven't had one yet.
The sun will keep you warm.
Yes, but I need to get in the mood.
|
You said you would do it one day.
Yes.
So fucking what?
This trip showed us how different we are.
Håkon seems to have a different pace than us.
There's a small fox lurking about here.
"A Sly fox?
'Yes!
.
Inge has a nice photo style!
How long has it been hanging around?
15 minutes or so?
- Hello.
What's up?
-I'm getting really cold.
But you can't let a polar fox shuffle around the camp without filming it.
Look!
It found some food.
No, it was a rope.
- What an experience!
-it's crazy!
- You probably heard everything.
-Yes.
When we approached the fox, it approached us.
It was maybe 33 feet away.
It was crazy!
On a trip like this you're likely to experience some friction.
At least between siblings.
The day Håkon wanted to go off on his own, we had to have a discussion.
You're not allowed.
|
This indicates that I'm on a guided trip with you.
I'm not involved in that many decisions.
That is the case.
When we discuss things, it's as if...
I kind of feel like I must wait for a quiet moment to throw in a word.
Otherwise I'm ignored when decisions are made.
What do you think we can do to change that feeling?
- Or to change that situation?
-Well, I don't know...
Am I placed in the role of baby brother, or do I subconsciously go back to it myself?
I notice that I'm no longer used to it at all.
Maybe because I'm used to being...
One of the best at what I do in my everyday life.
So I'm used to my opinion carrying a lot of weight.
Well...
Already when we discussed where to place the tent, I noticed my ideas...
They were not heard.
They were not discussed, and not even heard.They were treated like air.
And that was kind of the first step in pacifying me.
I agree, but I think...
For instance on the night when we arrived here...
When tensions grow, and things...
We don't have the energy for petty matters then.
There are many angles here.
But let's say you've had little respect for me and Inge.
A job any one of us can do, you do right away because you assume we won't do it.
Right?
I didn't put up this tent because I thought:
"Håkon can't do it as well me.
I must do it."
|
I don't buy that.
Sorry.
When I fetch water right away, it's not because I think you can't do it.
It's because you haven't done so yet.
It's not about whether I can do it or not, but whether I will do it.
- Will he do it?
-Well, I also think:
"it hasn't been done yet, so I'll just do it."
That's how I feel.
That you're watching over your baby brother.
And you're scared of being the baby.
You don't want to be that any more.
I'm aware that I maybe...
Have needed, and still need, some time to find my responsibilities among you guys.
Because I'm not used to being on a trip with you.
It's due to the goals we have for this trip, and how we...
Are trying to achieve those goals.
- And whether we'll achieve them.
-Let's hear your goals for the trip.
My goals for the trip...
It's hard to be concrete, but...
To find my pace in life.
Simply.
When I've found it, I'll try hard to remember it when I get home.
To find your balance...
We'd been there for nearly 3 weeks without finding a single wave.
We'd promised the Governor of Svalbard to leave no trace behind.
And we weren't planning to either.
We'd rather remove traces of humans and hope the island would give us some good surf in return.
We know that many birds die from ingesting plastic.
|
That's the main reason why we're cleaning up here.
We're gathering small pieces of plastic.
We're hoping the coastguard or the crew at the weather station can remove it, and maybe recycle it.
It feels good to be on our way to a new camp.
I think we'll find some surf soon.
I can't wait.
You guys...
On Greenland they eat raw seal blubber.
And we're going to do that too.
We're not proper polar explorers until we eat raw seal blubber.
We can't wrap it in enough bags.
It's really smelly.
It's the only food we have that's not dried.
Are you ready, boys?
Ready for a taste?
It looks like it's ready to be fried.
It's a test of your manhood.
I'll only eat this because I'm really hungry.
People have done many strange things over the years.
It's quite a lot.
It's a big piece.
- Okay, Håkon?
-No.
Come on!
The whole thing.
You won't be able to tear it up.
- Shut up.
-I'll eat the whole thing.
Whatever.
I'll just hear your first reaction first.
|
-It's like cod liver oil.
-Yeah?
It's healthy.
Really healthy!
I don't want to eat it after watching you.
You've ruined everything.
It's hanging from his tooth!
Damn it.
Yuck!
Markus, this is crap.
- You don't like it, do you?
-Someone is trying hard now.
The fox will like what we spat out.
We'll rather have some raisins, nuts, sausage and cocoa.
And he can enjoy the blubber on his own.
It felt good to move on, but we noticed that spring had reached the island.
The snow had really started to melt.
We're in the middle of the ocean.
It doesn't make sense to me that it's so calm here.
It should be bigger than this in the middle of the big ocean.
My girlfriend was almost 3 months pregnant now.
When I got home, she would be 5 months along.
It wasn't that easy to be present here 100 per cent of the time.
I kept thinking about what was happening at home.
We had brought a satellite telephone, and I needed to talk to Tanya soon.
Oh!
That's not good.
But has it been like that for long?
It wasn't too surprising that Tanya was having a hard time.
She was pregnant and alone in a caravan.
|
Instead of taking care of her, I'm on a remote island with my brothers looking for a surf that never gets here.
-ls there surf outside?
-Surf, 160 feet from the tent.
I told you.
I think I'll skip breakfast.
It's keeping up!
It's fantastic being in the water!
Everything's just fun!
Surf's up!
I'm completely...
My face is all stiff.
My chin is stiff and cold.
My lips...
- Let's change and heat up the lavvo.
-We'll make a sauna!
Håkon hadn't done much surfing before.
He learned to surf on Bear Island.
How cool to say you learned to surf where no one had surfed before.
Cold as an icicle!
But your surfing was good.
You don't realise how good it feels to be warm until you've been cold.
You might think you understand it, but you don't on an emotional level.
It was fun, though.
And it seems to be getting rougher.
I'm quite geared up for surfing now.
I wish I'd brought gloves.
This will be cold to put on.
We're heading to a bay over here to see if we can find some new waves.
The weather is great..
This is what everyone dreams about.
|
If it's blowing as hard down there, I might blow out to sea.
The wind is coming straight from the east.
But the waves come in from another direction.
They come from the south of mainland Norway.
Maybe from Bergen, where people might have a beer at the wharf right now.
Here are the waves!
Look at that one!
Yeah, yeah!
It's completely crazy!
- Nice one!
-Awesome!
There it comes again.
Yes, we'll go surfing.
I'm sitting here...
With the camera and the gun.
Keeping an eye out for the polar bear on the snowy hillside.
There's a nice mountain in the background.
I think.
I'd like to jump in too.
Stop blowing!
Bloody hell!
It's cold!
It's coming!
I can feel the heat coming, slowly but surely.
But it will take some time to defrost this lump of ice.
Its mobility is pretty limited.
We were out there for a long time.
Probably 2 or 3 hours.
Being in the ocean is fantastic.
I'm geared up for more surfing.
|
- Me too.
-Let's try to find more places...
It will only get bigger.
Being on this small island, with ocean as far as we could see, was like being on a boat and on the mountain all at once.
The weather could change suddenly, and we were on our own planet.
The world back home seemed rather distant.
Bear Island is thousands of miles from our home, but so much rubbish arrives here that we recognize from the mainland.
Like a constant stream of plastic flowing north with the Gulf Stream.
Two bottles sold with a deposit.
- That'll give you five kroner.
-Yes.
- I think we're close to 100 kroner.
-What shall we do with the money?
Buy beer?
Sprite!
- Catch!
-Is it Sprite?
- Sprite!
-That's not allowed!
"'8 good!
- That's not allowed!
-Sprite on Bear Island.
There you go!
It will keep it in place.
Hi, this is the Wegge brothers calling from Bear Island.
Hurray, it's your birthday.
We want to congratulate you.
We stand in a ring, and now we march around you.
Bow, nod, curtsy, turn around, dance for you all over the ground.
Wishing you from the heart good celebrations.
|
Congratulations!
We sang the birthday song for you, mum!
It was nice to talk to mum.
She said Tanya was having a hard time.
I felt pulled in every direction.
We'd finally found surf, and as brothers we were finding our place with each other.
But was it all that important compared to becoming a dad?
It's not very easy being here when Tanya is pregnant and so many things are happening.
Now, for instance, I worried that things had gone wrong.
When I walked up to make the call, I was sure she had lost the baby.
It's really scary...
When I walked up there, I thought that it had happened.
And that it was kind of my fault.
Yesterday mum decided that she thinks I should go home.
I won't risk my relationship or my child for this trip.
It's hard to get an overall idea of it.
To understand Inge and myself at the same time.
You need to look at one person's view at a time.
If I had a pregnant girlfriend and I was Inge,-
- I would think it's time to go home.
But then I think:
We've put this off for so long, and worked so hard.
I want to stay here as long as we can, at least until July if possible.
I don't want to go home earlier at all.
Every day on this island is a reward for all our preparations.
I just want to make the most of it.
We need more time than a short conversation to come up with a decision about this.
I agree
Straight away I can get the feeling that...
Well, I felt quite early on...
|
As our first weeks here have been so good, and we've done so much of...
The dreams and things we wanted to do.
That might help, because...
We can go home earlier and still have...
Done those things and experienced what we wanted...
But I feel that when you say it so clearly,-
- I agree with that too.
For you it's more about doing those things, reaching those peaks, surfing, snowboarding and so on.
For me it's more like...
Maybe my greatest goal is...
Not to be on a trip here, but to live here, and get that feeling.
To be here for so long that we get that constant feeling.
So for me it means a lot just to be here.
And to be here for so long that we get bored.
Then we get creative, and start finding things on the beach...
We've done so many things that we haven't reached that point.
We have so much left ahead of us that I look forward to.
What can I say?
I feel...
So torn, right now.
Because I totally agree with...
You.
Or, I don't agree, I feel the same as how you describe it.
Those are my own feelings that you're describing.
I don't want to leave this place.
But it's very important to me that we don't plan on going home at the start of July, and then we get delayed for 2 weeks because of bad weather.
I need to be home in June.
Some time or other in June.
We had to get home, but it's not that easy to leave Bear Island.
We knew some boats would pass by a month later.
|
I wanted to get on board one of those.
In the meantime, I wanted to make the most of our time there.
Right now I feel like I'm wandering around in a wonderland.
And then the sun is there, at a place called Bear Island, and the mist comes gliding by.
That gives you a total experience that you can't get on a T-bar lift.
Or at least I can't.
The feeling of mastering snowboarding is similar to when I play ping-pong.
Ping-pong is awesome.
The different factors have their different values.
Come on!
Climb hard.
We've found a super cool line, but the start is really tough.
It looks like we can ride through there and then swerve.
It's crazy how we've played with the island.
Almost too much.
Bear Island was supposed to be hard core and give us storms, cold and struggles.
We'd made it our playground.
A playpen 68 square miles big, Far north in the Arctic.
OK.
Three, two, one!
Rock 'n' roll.
Today is a weekday?
I think it's Thursday.
Or Friday.
"Hi, it's Bjørn at Zahl transport.
I can't answer the phone right now."
He has to pick up when we call him.
I want to go home.
Shall we paddle home, Håkon?
- Is that how it's looking?
|
-Yes, he didn't answer.
Lately a lot of snow had melted.
Way too much snow.
We had food for only two more days.
Normally it only takes a day to the north end, where we kept our food.
But that was on snow.
This is the biggest pulk I'm ever going to have.
The way it is right now.
Never bigger.
I had no idea how we'd get north without snow to pull the pulk.
For all I knew, we might spend the rest of our time here carrying all our equipment.
We weren't quite finished with our surfing.
I believed the perfect wave was waiting for us in the north.
Oh, snow!
So appreciated.
I hope there won't be many streams.
We don't know.
When we've been here before, it's been frozen and snowy.
There might be many like this one.
We were heading from the south of the island to the weather station.
As the crow flies, that's 11 miles.
One day passed.
Two.
I'm usually such an optimist. it can even make other people grumpy.
But this didn't look very good.
I'm craving chips.
Yes, we are tired.
We had to make several trips to carry all our gear.
Every mile turned into seven miles.
Three days.
|
Soup made of nothing but stock tastes like crap.
It's a dinner that fills your stomach, but not satisfactorily.
- You're still hungry?
-Yes.
- I just feel that my body needs more.
-Still hungry.
Four days.
Rocks, rocks, mud, mist, rocks.
Bear Island is not just a playground.
- This is just shit.
What is...
What's your top five?
What do you miss the most from back home, right now?
It's not something I miss because I've experienced it a lot, but...
I imagine lying on my tummy in a tub adapted to that position of bathing.
In very hot water, so that it almost burns a bit.
And then being washed...
Nicely and well, and rubbed on my back, especially on those hard to reach places.
- Where you need to scratch...
-Yes.
And someone tousling my hair.
We were halfway there, and there was not a strip of snow in front of us.
But then we found the solution.
We found one of the boats from the weather station.
The dear dinghy.
-It's not that big, though.
-No, I wonder how we'll load it.
I have the gun.
So if anything goes wrong, I'll just have to shoot.
- You'll just gun for it, right?
|
-Yes.
MS Mountain pulk is going on a trip.
Right now we were to put the longest distance for four days behind us.
And it's going to take half an hour.
For the first time my childhood dream has come true and I can call myself captain Wegge.
You're not a captain when you're fishing by the cabin.
But when you have a lot of responsibility on a boat you are.
That sounds good.
Sounds good!
Now all our gear is going across Haussvatnet.
When we get there,-
- I'll run ahead to the station and pick up enough food to stuff our faces with all the things we've craved lately.
My stomach, which is growling and making trouble, will be satisfied.
That will be nice.
If I tip over in this damn icy water with all our gear, it'll be a hell of a story for the grandchildren.
Apricots, nuts, waffles, kebab, hamburger...
That'll be when we get home.
Oil.
A casserole made using oil and butter.
And even more butter.
I want it so badly!
Ice, baby!
Damn it!
When I'm rowing, it's almost impossible to get the oars up again, through the layer of ice.
In the middle of an icy hell.
I can't row through the ice, and can't walk on it either.
...Trying to come up with a solution.
The oar is starting to fall apart.
Great!
And while I fix it, the waves push me back into the ice.
|
I'm trapped in a vicious circle.
Damn it!
Bloody, fucking hell!
Damn it!
Waves are pushing me back faster and faster the closer I get to the water.
The worst thing is the oars getting stuck in the ice for every stroke.
The time it takes to get them up is shorter than what the waves use to push me back.
Looks like he's tried to row through the slush.
The slush is getting thicker and thicker, and there's ice at the end.
There might be a problem if Håkon starts doing something stupid.
If he gets very tired, and something happens.
If the boat takes in water, an oar breaks or...
He gets really cold.
Can you get out of there and further that way?
Now we are starting to reach some limits.
Maybe that's why we're on this trip, to test those limits.
This is tragicomic.
I can't help but laugh, that's how hungry I am.
Well, now he's out.
That's promising.
I wonder whether if he's very annoyed or...
I don't know.
He's probably annoyed.
You put up a good fight, Håkon.
Håkon, can you just go and get the food?
- If you're ready.
-I am so ready.
- I really can't wait.
-Go for it.
Get the food!
|
Everything is a little wet, or damp.
Our clothes and things.
And the lavvo weighs a ton.
Back in the days, when hungry, they made porridge from the lichen Umbilicaria.
- Wow, that's a lot!
-I'm going to make that.
Moss is not really what I crave right now.
I'd much prefer a waffle.
Oh, the poor Wegge brothers.
They have spent a day without food.
Umbilicaria.
That's kind of not... it doesn't sound good either.
It sounds like belly button fluff.
- This is delicious.
-it's rather sticky.
If I were really hungry, I would have eaten some more.
- You are really hungry.
-But Håkon will be here soon.
Håkon, you can stay the night over there.
No!
- Tea.
-Tea, and...
When did these expire?
Håkon is here!
Håkon!
Our hero!
What did you bring us?
Well, let's see what I have in my rucksack.
Look, he's all red.
He looks like Santa.
|
He is like Santa!
Håkon, Håkon!
What have I got in my sack?
Prunes.
Yes!
Food for my Diabetes?
And some nuts, Santa had to taste some on the way.
I want some too!
I give me the camera, and you take the nuts?
Santa needed some crispy fried onion too...
After Håkon's boat trip, we were almost there.
With one more day of carrying, we finally reached the island's north end.
How idyllic is this?
Here the possibilities for surfing were endless.
The waves just had to get a little bit bigger.
The Governor of Svalbard said the litter we collected would be picked up.
So while waiting for waves, we cleared our last beach.
But time started running out for our last surf.
Yes.
So you're in Longyearbyen now?
So you'll reach Bear Island around Friday?
All right.
Thank you.
All right.
Take care.
I think we're done soon.
- With Bear Island?
-No, with the drawing.
It symbolizes...
Nothing!
|
Going home without a last surf on our dream beach felt rather sad.
But then it actually happened.
It's super clean, a little small.
But it's building up.
Bear Island, rock 'n' roll!
- You got a good one there!
-Yeah!
A wave only comes along once.
When I'm lucky enough to take part in what happens that one moment, and ride along with the power of the sea, time almost stands still.
Dreams does not come true just by themselves.
You have to make them real.
We followed our dream.
And it came true.
149.50 kroner.
Awesome!
It depends if you think of it as hourly wages.
Welcome back to our continuing coverage of the 2014 scoungbine here at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis.
I'm Rich Eisen.
We've got a lot of potential first-rounders out there today, and then it looks like someone has seen Rudy one too many times.
Kevin MacArthur, five foot eleven.
Weight, 160 pounds, but that looks like it could be about 100 chicken parms ago.
He's probably pushing a buck 80, and sources tell us ten pounds that could be back hair.
KEVIN:
Carlos Hyde, huh?
Hey, man, we could be combine buddies.
There's no buddies at the combine.
Ha, Mike Evans.
Hey, what say you draft me in your fantasy draft and I'll draft you in mine, huh?
No, I don't think so.
|
Why not, man?
I'm a sleeper.
Nobody sleeps that deep.
I'm a little busy.
What?
Whoa!
Oh, good thing you caught that.
Ready... oh.
Here's Mike Evans running the gauntlet, showing off the ball skills that should get him drafted in the top ten this year.
Oh... ow.
And then there's that.
MacArthur, swatting at the ball like a baboon sitting on a hornet's nest.
Oh!
Ow.
Aah!
Now, it's hard to tell how his game will project to the NFL level, but one must assume that once the helmet goes on, he won't be able to catch as many balls with his face.
God, one got me right in the taint.
Some players come out too early... and some should never come out at all.
There we go, here we go.
(Kevin shrieks)
Just pick...
Just pick it up.
I can't, I can't, I can't.
You got to help me.
(Kevin grunts, snorts)
Oh!
It's all right, Daddy's got you.
That counts as one.
He's a tweener for sure.
Somewhere between mediocre and irrelevant.
|
(Kevin shouts)
Oh, God.
All right.
All right, switch it.
No.
No, no.
Please don't do this.
(Kevin squeaks)
All right, okay.
You got me that time.
Let's run it again.
What you got, little man?
No-
- Stephon Tuitt.
Come on No, no, I don't want to.
Pick up the pad, little man.
I'm not doing it.
Pick it up.
I'm not doing it!
Get back here.
Oh, my God, he's so big!
He's so big!
Stop it!
I'm told Kevin is also a lawyer, although from where I'm standing... (shrieks):
No!
...his skill set doesn't appear to translate into any discernable position.
No!
No, don't do it, no!
Here... or in the legal world.
I'm dying here, Eisen.
|
Why are you even here right now?
Go home.
You're terrible.
Boo.
ALL:
Sacko, Sacko...
Sacko.
No.
...Sacko, Sacko, Sacko...
And we have urine.
That's a combine first.
(whining):
No...
(Kevin exclaims)
Oh.
Oh, God, I had the worst dream.
JENNY:
Go back to bed, Sacko.
Oh, my life is worse than my nightmare.
Is the bed wet?
Your champion wants to tell you all about the 2014 league draft plan.
I am thinking an extravagant dinner.
We are going to do one course per round.
All on my dime.
So put it down in your calendars-
- August 23rd, okay?
Oh, what's that-
- I'm sorry, you don't have calendars?
Oh, let me help you with that.
Whoa.
|
Oh!
You made calendars?
Calendars.
RUXIN:
That's a pretty hot move.
ANDRE:
Did you hire a professional photographer?
I did.
PETE:
Looks like we finally found somebody to satisfy Jenny in the bedroom.
Wh-What is this one?
Why is October this picture?
I don't want this picture out there.
This is borderline Sacktual harassment.
I disagree.
I'd say this borders more on domestic Sacktual abuse.
Oh, no, no, no, guys.
There's absolutely no Sacktual abuse happening here.
Ho, ho.
You had coffee mugs up?
Wow.
Mm-hmm.
To commemorate this wonderful moment, I have actually decided to officially change my team name.
Really?
I am no longer going to be Pete Top, Kevin Bottom.
I am now gonna be Jenny Top, Kevin Bottom.
That doesn't bother me-- that's my favorite position.
Well, the other option was gonna be Andre 3,000 Dingers in His Face.
Oh.
(laughs) That's good, that's good.
|
I like how you do thing where it sounds like a joke but there's no actual punch line.
Anyway, can't waste time with you guys, I have to get to my office-
- I have a little pre-op conversation with the mayor's wife.
Ooh, what's she having done?
Can't say, but let's just say it involves me going downtown.
All right, later, losers.
What the hell was that?
I don't like successful, confident Andre.
Yeah, it's as if he looked at us with complete disdain.
I know that look.
That's the look that I give you guys all the time.
TACO:
Hey, Sacko, can I borrow these?
No.
It's not your decision.
You gonna play some golf?
Yeah, love golf.
It's such a great way to unwind after a long eight-hour work week.
Where do you play golf?
All or the place.
You guys want to play?
(BOTH):
Sure.
It's a dogleg right.
It's 240 yards.
(whistles)
Oh, yeah, got all of that one.
(whoops) Nice one, Taco.
Street golf, not so bad.
Yeah, you don't even have to worry about a tee time this way.
|
Yeah, none of that country club attitude.
As low-rent as this is, it does maintain the basic function of golf, which is to get away from your wife and children.
Next hole?
I'm happy with my long game, but my short game's in the shitter.
You know, one thing I did notice is that, uh, you tend to take your eye off the ball at that very last second.
Oh, really?
Yeah, you could follow through on that and do a little better.
Oh, okay, I'll work on that.
Yeah, whoo!
Birdie!
Aw.
Sliced it.
Excuse us, playing through.
Pardon us, sorry, guys.
Excuse us.
I might take a drop on this one.
Trying to find my ball.
Oh, it's in the rough.
Folks, I'm just gonna play through real quick.
Um... you want to go play the next hole?
Yeah, we should go.
Yeah.
That one's on us, guys, thank you.
Thank you.
What are we gonna do about Andre?
All of our beautifully timed, well-crafted insults are bouncing off him-- nothing is sticking to him.
No, he's like Teflondre.
Ugh, Teflondre sucks.
Mm-hmm.
I feel like it's my job as the Sacko commissioner to take that guy down a notch.
|
What about Kevin?
Aren't we gonna do more Sacko punishments?
No, Jenny's doing a better job than all of us could.
An24-7.
Mmm.
You like me on top?
Mm-hmm, I do, it's my favorite.
See-
- Jenny Top, Kevin Bottom, not so bad.
No, no, don't say it like that.
No?
No.
Do you want me to tickle your Sacko?
No.
Ye...
No, no, just...
Hey, hey, hey, stop, stop, stop.
What?
Oh...
Look, look, okay...
You can't belittle the Sacko all day long and then expect my sack to work at night.
Okay, tonight let's maybe try a little role reversal.
You be the champ.
Okay.
(soft chuckle)
'Cause I am your sweet, submissive...
Sacko.
No!
No, don't say that.
Don't say what?
|
The "S" word, don't...
Shiva or Sacko?
Oh, either.
Come on.
What?
This is domestic Sacktual abuse.
Well, what am I supposed to do-- stop being so goddamn good?
I'm never gonna get any.
All right, another mock draft done.
Ruxin is looking good, getting ready for the real draft.
Ooh, it's gonna be a fun season.
What's this now?
Guess I must have joined a league by accident.
Here, cancel.
Hey, wait, what is this, now?
Another league wants a trade?
No.
No, no, no, no.
Romo...
What-What, wait...
No, no, I don't want to make a trade with you, so stop calling me.
Good-bye.
What is going on with you?
Who are you trading with?
I...
I went to do some mock drafts, and instead of taking me to my team page, the stupid site took me to one of these randomized league-creating team pages, and now I'm in some leagues with some total stranger
idiots.
How many leagues are you in?
I'm in 12 leagues.
You did 12 mock drafts?
|
Yeah, I was doing them reps, getting ready for the real thing.
So if you're in 12 leagues, let me ask you this: are you cool in any of them?
Oh!
Oh!
From downtown.
Yeah.
Nice one, Andre.
I never realized that being in a league with strangers would actually be worse than a league with people I truly hate.
I get it.
I've been trying to jump out of this Dumpster fire forever.
Well, look who it is-- the full buffet of sadness.
Hello, Ted.
Ladies.
Jenny.
I don't have a lot of time.
You see that building behind me?
That's city hall.
You look very handsome, Ted.
Correct.
I am on my way to an AIDS Foundation charity event.
Little bit of context I have for you is...
I'm receiving an award.
It wouldn't be the Shiva, though, would it?
Because the Shiva is sitting right here.
By the way, Jenny, if you need help throwing your extravaganza, I can get you a list of high-end chefs that'll...
Oh, oh, call me.
No, no, no, no, no.
We don't need any help.
Thank you, Ted.
I would love that, thank you.
|
All right, just relax over there, Sacko.
I've called us all here today because this league needs some changes.
What I'm proposing is we add two new members.
We become a ten-team league.
That's interesting.
No, we're and eight-team league-- we always have been, we always will be.
I could leave.
No, Taco, you need to stay, because Kevin needs someone he thinks he can beat.
(all laugh)
Where is this coming from?
Sounds to me like Kevin is the new Andre.
Am I hearing this correctly?
Oh.
No, he's not.
He's kind of right.
Kevin is the new Andre.
Ha, ha.
I'm same old Kev.
If the hat fits... oh!
Oh!
Hey!
Yes.
(laughs) Hey there, new Dre, the only thing worse than AIDS is Dre.
(tires screech)
Oh!
Whoa.
Is he okay?
Oh, my God, he's not moving.
Oh, my God, he's dead!
He's dead.
|
And his last words were, "Kevin is the new Andre."
Well, at least he died doing what he loved-- making fun of you, Kevin.
Ugh, these guys are trolling me now.
Just turn your phone off, Ruxin.
Gonna check out the snack table.
Oh, you know what, Andre, you should take that hat off.
Oh, out of a sign of respect?
No, 'cause it's so terrible.
Whoa, whoa, this is not the time.
(sighs) Teflondre, man.
Hi.
Hi.
Oh, Kevin, Jenny, so good to see you, thank you for coming.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I can't believe Ted is gone.
Yeah, the way, it's so unexpected.
Who would have thought Ted would have died of AIDS... charity.
AIDS charity.
I mean, this trade is just garbage.
That... we would lose Ted and all those, you know, pervert arsonists run free.
Thank you all for coming.
So the funeral will be tomorrow?
Yes.
Mm-hmm, and after the funeral, the family will be sitting shiva.
Yes.
I'm sorry?
What...
What'd you say?
The family will be sitting shiva.
Shiva.
|
Shiva You mean...
You mean Shiva, right?
Shiva.
Shiva.
Shiva.
How is it spelled?
S-H-I-V-A.
Shiva.
Shiva.
And tonight, it-it's a Jewish custom that Ted's body cannot be left alone, so we will need watchers-- shomers.
I understand.
I was Jewish for a brief time last year.
Listen, we'd be happy to come back tonight and, uh, be shomers so we could just see Ted one last time.
That would be lovely.
He would love that.
Wow, Ted's really dead.
He looks so peaceful.
Why is that the desired adjective for a dead person?
Like, if I go down, I people to be, like, "That dude looks like he's getting shit done, like he's getting laid and he's getting paid."
Okay, Ted... are you ready...
to draft?
(whoops) Yes.
Let's do this.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did someone ask for a draft board?
All right.
Beer, anyone?
Yeah, yeah.
Nice, Taco.
Here you go.
|
One last draft with Ted.
He would have wanted it this way.
Yeah.
We'll find someone to replace him in the league, but for now we'll just take turns drafting for him.
We are no longer sitting shiva.
We are now sitting Shiva
(whoops) Gentlemen, I present to you our 2014 draft board.
All right.
That's awesome.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, one more-- woop.
That's an awful picture, babe.
Why is my mouth open?
Well, empirical evidence would point to you wanting to gargle Pete's pudding, but I think, in this case, just looking for wins.
Oh.
Can we please start the draft?
The first pick-
- Ted selects Jamaal Charles.
Okay.
Oh.
Cold.
(phone chimes)
No.
No, it's not a trade.
You're on the clock.
I know.
I'm on the six different leagues right now, okay?
I'm gonna take Julia Jones.
It's got to be tough being a woman in the NFL.
Beast Mode!
Ted selects the Jacksonville Jaguars defense for the third period.
|
No, no, no.
Ruxin, have a little respect for the dead, please.
Give him Gary and Foster.
Le'Veon Bell.
I don't even know which league you're talking about.
Let's get some LeGarrette
"Blounts" up in here.
Let's get messed up.
Taco, you can't get high off a running back.
Cheers, Ted.
Funeral draft!
You know what's amazing is, some people would find this disrespectful.
(Taco sputters)
Ruxin, you're up on the clock.
I'm not in the Marines, so I don't know what that lingo means.
Cameron Jordan, okay?
Cameron Jordan?
Yeah, Cameron Jordan.
I think he said "Cameron Jordan."
Cameron Jordan?
He wants Cameron Jordan.
Okay.
Cameron Jordan?
Cameron Jordan.
Right.
Defensive end, New Orleans Saints.
Congratulations, Ruxin.
Wha
Good pick.
No, no.
|
Jordan Cameron, the tight end for the Cleveland Browns.
No, that's-that's not what you said, right?
Not what I heard.
I heard him say "Cameron."
Ted?
Ted?
Did he say "Cameron Jordan"?
Cameron Jordan, Jordan
Cameron-- it's the same thing.
No, it's not.
One of them's black, and one of them's white.
And one of them plays defense, and one of them plays offense.
This is not my fault, okay?
I'm in too many leagues right now.
Such an idiot.
I'll take Chad Ochocinco of the
Montreal Alouettes.
Boom!
Great choice.
And in round 11, Russell Wilson.
Go, Hawks.
(Taco inhales)
Oh, yeah.
All right, hit it, Ted.
There you go.
(knocking on door)
Hello?
His parents are here.
Oh.
What?
|
Oh, my God.
Uh.
(overlapping chatter)
Um...
Hold on.
Uh, we were just mourning.
Hello?
!
Come on.
Mmm.
Can the shomers come to the door, please?
!
Uh, coming.
One second.
Okay.
I am so, so...
Very.
...so, so sorry.
Shalom.
Shalom.
Shalom.
Shalom.
Shalom.
We got a lot of noise complaints.
Did you hear anything?
No.
No.
No.
Well, I'm glad you're still here because we went through
Ted's will.
|
Ted insisted in his will that you replace him before the season starts.
Oh.
And he bequeathed one of you his Laguna beach houses.
Which one of us?
Whoever wins the fantasy football league this year.
Oh.
Oh, wow.
I can't believe we're playing for a house.
I know.
It's right on the ocean.
Guys, it's amazing.
Yeah, we've got stakes to play for.
This is huge.
Oh, man.
Whatever.
You don't want a Laguna beach house?
Now that I know where the house is, I don't need to own it to use it.
All right, guys, let's just go finish this draft.
Okay.
Exactly.
Who's got the board?
I hid the board in the coffin under Ted.
What?
Why would you do that?
Well, because if I hid it on him, everyone would have seen it.
Oh, Taco!
You idiot!
Okay, let's everyone just go through your own picks, round by round, and figure out who we have.
For running backs, I definitely had Peterson and Lynch.
Oh, bullshit.
|
No, I drafted Lynch.
No...
What?
You did.
You drafted David
Lynch, I'm pretty sure.
Oh, come on, Ruxin!
I know.
This is crazy.
I definitely had Jordan
Cameron.
That's the only thing I'm sure.
Oh, come on.
No!
No!
Why do we have to argue?
You wrote it all down on the computer.
I do it at the end when it's all done.
You were typing the entire time.
I know.
I was just doing research for my draft.
No!
You have to...
What are you talking about?
!
What are you talking about?
You are such an embarrassment, Sacko.
It's because of stupid shit like this that everyone thinks that
MacArthurs are idiots.
All I know is I drafted
|
LeGarrette "Blounts," and I never got him.
I guess we should just redraft.
(all saying "No!") No way!
I know what you're trying to do here, okay?
You're trying to get rid of your shitty team.
There's way too much on the line here with the beach house.
Yeah.
So, what are we gonna do?
We got to get that draft board out of the coffin.
I was looking over Ted's will, and there was something very specific that he wanted us to do.
Yeah, sure.
What?
Look, we all know how much
Ted loved flash mobs, right?
Flash mobs?
Uh...
Yeah.
Oh, Ted loved a good flash mob.
Flash mobs.
Fla...
I thought you said something different.
Flash mobs.
Yeah, of course.
Flash mobs.
Mm-hmm, exactly.
We did a flash mob today.
Well, Ted would like there to be a flash mob at his funeral.
Great idea.
Beautiful, yeah.
Beautiful celebration of life.
|
Okay.
Here's the plan.
Once the rabbi starts the mourner's kaddish, he wants you to kick it off.
Here's your outfit.
You put this on underneath your clothes.
We've already got ours on right now.
Okay.
Oh, wait a second.
Wait.
Why do I have to start this?
What are you talking about, why you?
You were always Ted's favorite.
He called you "the first among equals." Well, I can't argue with Ted.
I mean, he knows what he's talking about.
I'm gonna do this.
Ted would have wanted it this way.
You guys really think you can pull this off?
Of course.
It's gonna be great.
Hmm.
Holy shit.
Look who came to Ted's funeral.
It's Cameron Jordan and Jordan Cameron.
I wonder if Ruxin knows the difference.
Time to find out.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Jordan Cameron, right?
How you doing?
Cameron Jordan.
|
Nice.
Nice.
They usually get us confused.
That's actually what I wanted to talk to you guys about.
Would you mind doing us a quick favor?
BOTH:
Sure.
Hey, Ruxin.
Funniest thing happened on the way to the funeral.
We met a guy you drafted.
You should say hello to the person you drafted.
Yeah.
What's up, man?
How you doing?
Cleveland Browns tight end.
Yeah.
What's my name?
What's my name?
(laughing):
What's my...?
No, what's really...
what's-what's my name?
Dude, what's my name, bro?
Rodney.
Rodney.
What's mine?
Mine?
Dude, your name.
Come on, bro.
I drafted you, bro.
|
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