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When it comes to jobs or promotion, she says, many men tend to play a kind of ‘game’ — but a game which is the foundation of the formal industrial relations negotiations structure.
As part of this ‘game’ they automatically aim higher than they may actually expect to go — and ask for more than they expect to get.
That often means, she says, that they can take less and still look good.
Although women can be very strategic and can be excellent at picking up on mood and non-verbal body language, often they may not simply aim high enough she says, adding that the male approach of aiming higher than you expect to go and talking your way through helps them to do better overall.
Some younger women have started to take this approach she says, and have found it to be successful.
“You need to be more confident and show your competence without always referencing everything you’ve achieved,” she says.
“Some women will aim a bit lower than what they want because they don’t want to seem cheeky,” she says, adding that that’s actually defeating the whole purpose.
“Good negotiation skills can be applied to all parts of life,” says Emma*, an experienced Garda hostage negotiator who has attended a number of incidents during her career.
“You have to be a good communicator,” she says, adding that you must be clear both about what you plan to say — and how you say it.
“You have to be clear in your thinking and in your speech.
“You have to be a good listener. This means giving the other side a chance to talk.
“Always remain calm and use a calm, warm tone,” she says, adding that to be a good negotiator you also need the ability to think on your feet.
“Be firm, but also be fair,” she counsels, adding that although every situation is different, a good negotiator will always clearly establish the needs and wants of both sides.
One problem for women of my age (born 1963) is that they find it extremely hard to sell themselves. They doubt their capabilities, because nobody has ever told them how good they are.
Statistically, women negotiate significantly lower starting salaries than their male counterparts. This is because they don’t see their net worth in euro.
They feel they have to prove themselves in the job, as opposed to selling themselves at the interview stage.
However, when it comes to negotiating with the banks, in a debt-restructure situation, I find that women tend to outperform their male counterparts.
Women are much better at finding a solution and are more co-operative when making tough decisions. They also have the ability to look at the bigger picture.
Don’t be afraid to sell yourself — if you don’t, no-one else will.
Don’t assume that you are only fit for a ‘supporting role’.
If you ask for too little, that’s what you’ll get.
The adage ‘if you don’t ask, you don’t get’ springs to mind when I think about women and negotiating.
Women are less confident than their male counterparts.
We like to tick all the boxes, demonstrate our ability time and time again, all in the the hope that we will ‘get noticed’, get that promotion and get that pay rise, without having to ask for it.
Men are less patient and they are more pushy. They value themselves and money is an important motivator for them.
They don’t like to wait and are more than happy to put their case forward to get to the next level.
They also ‘play the game’ by putting time into building their relationships — by playing the round of golf or conversing on the latest football league results with their boss, who traditionally has been another man.
Be more strategic when negotiating.
Put a monetary value on ‘you’.
Tell yourself you deserve that promotion, that salary increase.
Focus on two or three main goals — be they a promotion, more flexibility within your current role, or a pay increase or bonus incentives. Negotiate. Have a plan B.
If money is off the table now, agree a timeline. It will be harder for your manager/employer to say ‘no’ next time, if you have met pre-agreed goalposts.
Highlight a number of deals/value-added projects you have completed recently.
Demonstrate how you’ll add ‘value’ to the company going forward.
Don’t threaten to leave your job — it creates a negative atmosphere.
Make sure your figures add up. Don’t take the credit for work or revenues that you haven’t delivered.
Pick your time. If the company is a seasonal business, negotiate at the end of a good season and demonstrate how you have contributed to their success.
Men will put themselves forward for a job they might not be able to do, but women feel they have to know everything about the job before they go for it, and they will shy away from going for it.
Women also tend to hang back and allow men to step forward.
You don’t have to be aggressive to get what you want — be persuasive.
Use your femininity as a strength. Women are very good listeners and negotiations are not just about speaking, they are about listening. Women have an advantage over men, because they can hear between the lines and use that to get what they want in any settlement.
Be prepared on your subject. Read Getting to Yes, by Roger Fisher and William L Ury. It’s very helpful and every woman should read it.
Use your USP — that is your intuition and persuasive skills.
Forget about being a people pleaser.
Don’t be afraid to make a mistake.
During negotiations, look the person in the eye. Don’t be desperate to speak first. Listen and think, before you speak. Be prepared, but not overly prepared.
Women can be so worried about how a person may react to something they say, that they will not say something.
They may shy away from expressing their needs, as they don’t want to alienate the other.
They can also be very indirect, not clearly express what they feel about something, or they will not clearly outline their reasons for something they propose.
Women sometimes need to be more forthright — they tiptoe around things rather than come right out and say what they think.
Pick your times to negotiate and don’t get involved if you are overly emotional or angry.
Explore issues in a way the other can hear and highlight the benefits for them in agreeing to your proposal.
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Q1: Who are you as an artist?
I am a studio artist and educator. I am currently an assistant professor of fine art and chair of the Fine and Performing Arts Department at Indiana University East. I hold a BA in Studio Art from Wittenberg University and a MFA from Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana. My teaching and art making go hand in hand...
Q2: How did you get started in ceramics?
I met clay my sophomore year of college in a 3-D design course. I was immediately hooked. Thankfully, I had a wonderful professor that saw my potential and encouraged me to pursue an art major.
Q3: Did you always want to study and work with ceramics?
No. Until my sophomore year of college, I had no clue what I wanted to study or what career I wanted to pursue. I grew up in a family of artists, but never considered myself one. I never considered working with clay until I had a clay assignment for a course. I value all forms of expression. I think clay is just anothe...
Q4: How does your artwork investigate the relationship between the art object and a scientific specimen?
My inspiration comes from nature (pregnancy, childbirth, fossils, insects, plants, etc.). My sculptures are displayed like scientific specimens, under glass bell jars to encourage the viewer to more closely observe the art piece and question its authenticity. Over the past year, I’ve been serving as a visiting artist i...
Q5: What will you be talking about during your workshop?
I will demonstrate how I use china paints to heighten the dimension of my sculptures and create a more believable organic surface. Then, I will invite participants to experiment with a variety of water based mediums to apply china paints. Participants can china paint on glazed tiles (provided) or bring in their own gla...
NAPERVILLE, Ill. -- Fourteen students at Naperville North High School were sickened by Gummy Bears tainted with drugs.
Investigators are suggesting that most of the students knew in advance they were consuming drug-laced candy.
The students were rushed to Edward Hospital after they complained of dizziness, dry mouth and a rapid heart rate. They're all expected to be okay.
Police suspect the candy was spiked with a form of liquid marijuana.
A 17-year-old student was identified as the possible source of the bad candy. He was questioned and released to his parents. Police and school officials say they’ll decide on an appropriate punishment for him.
SYRACUSE, N.Y. -- Onondaga County District Attorney William Fitzpatrick said today he has reviewed all of the "repulsive" Syracuse University fraternity videos.
None of them contain evidence of a crime, Fitzpatrick said.
The videos of a Theta Tau event first surfaced Wednesday after SU Chancellor Kent Syverud suspended the fraternity.
The DA said SU turned over about 15 videos, four of which contained offensive content.
The Daily Orange student newspaper that night published a video of a "parody" oath in which brothers use offensive slurs to describe African-Americans, Latinos and Jewish people.
Fitzpatrick said after the video was published he was personally offended by the contents, but ruled out any crime being committed.
The DO published a second video over the weekend that depicts fraternity brothers miming the sexual assault of a disabled person.
"While the video is extremely offensive, like the first video released by the media, it does not make out the elements of a criminal offense," said Fitzpatrick.
Syracuse University permanently expelled the Theta Tau fraternity over the weekend. Officials filed disciplinary charges against 18 students.
Fitzpatrick said the SU officials have cooperated fully with the DA's office since the videos surfaced.
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ALEXANDRIA, S.D. (AP) – Funeral services are being held for a soldier with South Dakota ties who was killed in Afghanistan.
The Defense Department says 24-year-old Army Sgt. Eduviges “Duvi” Guadalupe Wolf of Hawthorne, Calif., died Oct. 25 when a rocket-propelled grenade hit her vehicle.
She leaves behind two children and a husband from the Alexandria area who also has been stationed in Afghanistan.
Her funeral will be today in Alexandria, with burial in Farmer. The Rev. Tom Clement says Wolf’s husband’s family is from Farmer.
A statement from Gov. Mike Rounds says Wolf was a member of Alpha Company of the 704th Brigade Support Battalion, Fourth Brigade Combat Team, Fourth Infantry Division from Fort Carson, Colo.
Her death brings to 30 the number of service members with South Dakota connections who have died in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan since 2003.
A mother and child who accidentally fell on to a Tube track moments before a train arrived escaped unhurt by moving into a pit under the track.
Police said the woman was pushing a buggy along a platform at Baker Street station in London on Friday night as she checked the arrivals board.
Distracted, she veered too close to the edge and fell down.
The father jumped down to help and the three of them moved into a pit beneath the track as a train passed over them.
None of them was seriously hurt, but they were taken to hospital for checks, British Transport Police (BTP) said.
The incident happened on the Jubilee Line, on the southbound strip of platform seven, TfL said.
BTP said an investigation was "continuing" into the exact circumstances of what happened.
Peter Holland said he saw people screaming and running in tears following the incident.
"We got to the platforms at Baker Street just as this happened, the train whistling, people screaming and running in tears", he said.
"I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear this wasn't fatal. Thoughts out to the driver of the train. Unbelievable."
A woman who was at Baker Street described how the platform was quickly evacuated.
"I was on the platform for about two minutes and then an alarm went off which said 'this is an emergency. Everyone leave the station'," she said.
"I left the station and within five minutes there were fire engines, police cars, St John's Ambulance, British Transport Police and undercover police cars.
"I saw a man leave the station with a child, then a woman came out and she was wearing white trainers which had black skid marks on, and then someone brought a buggy out of the station, but it didn't look damaged."