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Write a joke about the following category | Men | This couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. "Elliot," she said, pointing "do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?"The husband looked over and nodded."Well," the woman continued, "he's been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!"The husband returned to his meal... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town. Abruptly, the girl stopped the boy dead in his tracks. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid he... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below t... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said. No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright - but after a few months he gets lonely... The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor gu... |
Write a joke about the following category | Medical | Stanley, an 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been better," he replies. "I've got a twenty-two- year-old bride who's pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I k... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini -"I want to feel your breasts" he exclaimed."Get away from me, you crazy old man" she replied."I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars," he says."Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!""I want to feel your breasts, I... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. " Hi, is Tony home?" " No, he went to the store." "Well, you mind if I wait?" " No, come in." They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see on... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A wife comes home after a shopping trip, and she's horrified to see her husband in bed with a young woman. She's about to storm out of the house, and the husband says "But I can explain, dear. As I was driving home I saw this poor and tired-looking creature standing by the road, so I offered her a ride. She said she wa... |
Write a joke about the following category | Food Jokes | A man was asked to dinner by one of his friends, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. "Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime. She replied, "They'r... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" asked the mom. "Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will never get married so this is pretty much my husband." The m... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Bob and Jane were married 25 years. When they first got married Bob said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 25 years of marriage Jane never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 25th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked ins... |
Write a joke about the following category | Crazy Jokes | Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, "Someone should go and tell his wife." Bill says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." 2 hours later, he comes back carryin... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer. His friend says, "Wow, that is the most though... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!" "What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love." "Sorry," said the sailor... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCISHOUSE OF PROSTITUTION10 MILESHe thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon he sees another sign which says:SISTERS OF ST. FRANCISHOUS... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with the devil. Devil: Why so glum, chum? Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell. Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man? Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Devil: Well you're gonna ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night. He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, John, what was your toast?" John Said, "Here... |
Write a joke about the following category | Bar Jokes | A Man comes back home at 3am, drunk as a skunk. He hears the cuckoo clock cuckoo three times. Quickly coming up with a plan, he cuckooes nine more times, hoping his wife would think it was midnight. He is very proud of himself.The next day, his wife asks what time he got home, and he replies, "Midnight, just like I sai... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look, I’ll give you £100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave th... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off, "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."The wife nudges her husband in the ribs and comments,... |
Write a joke about the following category | Aviation | A biology graduate student went to Borneo to take some samples for his thesis work. He flew there, found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. About noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. Being a city boy by nature, the ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure. He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double." The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion." The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions. The man said "I would like a mill... |
Write a joke about the following category | Aviation | A man boards an airplane, and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conver... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | In a Poor town in the middle of nowhere and no women, A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How can you live in this town without any women?". The bartender replies, "It's not that bad, sir, when we get lonely we go out back where there is a barrel with a knothole in it. It never sounds appeasing at first, bu... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?""You'll know tonight." he said.That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.Delighted, she opened it-only... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A Farmer walks into the local bar and sits down at the bar. The Farmer mumbles, "Some things I just can't explain." The bartender, who knows the Farmer as Jim, asks, "What do you mean Jim?"."Well, you know my old cow Betsy? I was milking her this morning and out of the blue she knocks the pail of milk over with her rig... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulatingenough frequent flyer miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talkingabout all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if theyhave laptop computers, how they make money, etc.Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | An old man is sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out. A young jogger comes by and asks him what is the matter. The old man says, "I'm a multimillionare, I have a great big house, the fastest car in the world and I just married a beautiful blonde bombshell who satisfies me every night in bed whether I like it or no... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a mancomes down and asked the man if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him."No", he said, "the seat is empty"."This is incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind wouldhave a seat like this for the Super Bowl , the biggest sport event in th... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | This little boy woke up three nights in a row because he kept hearing thumping noises coming from his parent's room. He finally approached his mom and said, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in, you're bouncing up and down on him."His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh...well, I'... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium -- he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field.About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows of... |
Write a joke about the following category | Medical | A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and wr... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A famous sexologist was giving a lecture in front of a big crowd."There are 4 kinds of men when it comes to sex. The first kind does it every day. You can usually recognize him by his masculine body and the constant smile on his face. Do we have anyone like this in the audience?"A man got up from the audience and he fi... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Two women where at a pub, having a fun night out, away from their husbands. When they got out and started walking back home, they suddenly had a strong urge to pee. They decided to do it in the cemetery, where they figured no one will notice them. Once they were done, they remembered they didn't bring toilet papers. Th... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it." The intr... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A cop drives up to lovers lane and sees a car there. So he walks up to the car, and there's a girl in the back seat knitting and a boy in the front seat reading a book. The cop asks the boy how old he is and what he's doing. The boy answers, "I'm reading a book and I'm 20." Then the cop asks what the girl's doing and h... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into Heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candl... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | After a long night buying a foxy women drinks, Joe took advantage by giving her a ride home. After the walk to the door, the women asked Joe in for a nightcap... One thing led to another ....After making love Joe rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, Joe ask... |
Write a joke about the following category | Military | There was an Englishman,Scottishman and an Irishman swimming in the sea one day when suddenly they were captured by pirates. The captain said to them "You're getting locked up in dungeons for 50 years, but I'll give you something to go in with. The Englishman says he wants to go in with booze, so he goes in with his bo... |
Write a joke about the following category | Medical | Al Gore and George W. Bush found themselves in the same barbershop at the same time, seated side by side, getting the works. Their barbers finished shaving the two presidential candidates right about the same time and each barber reached for some after shave to slap on their customers' faces. Bush shouted, "Hey, don't ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Medical | A man comes to the doctor and says: "Doc, no matter what i do in bed i can't satisfy my wife".So the doctor sends him to the old train-station, where he is to find a very well-built guy that can help him.And so, the man goes there, finds the big guy and asks him for help.The guy says: "No problem, sir. You see this ban... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?" "Well, I have spent my whole life on the ra... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find he... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but he couldn't get a clear picture of the problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?" "Well, yes, I did once." "And how did she look?"... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Clark works hard at the plant, puts in a lot of overtime, and then spends most evenings bowling, playing basketball or working out at the gym. His wife, Jessica, thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so, for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Clark, ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | "Mr. johns, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week." "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself." |
Write a joke about the following category | Crazy Jokes | A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents." |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Why men can't win...If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better. If you get a p... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!" The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down. As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you ok, dea... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out, when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for t... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night? It's going to be a wild party." The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says, "This stuff is potent: drink ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man was out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled him over. The policeman walked up to the man and asked, "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Why? Was I weaving all over the road?" "No," replied the policeman, "you were driving splendidly. It was the really ugly girl in ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Science | German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans had a nationwide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even de... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his private parts into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indica... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.""You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | This guy decides he's going to play a little joke on his wife one day. As she steps out of the shower, he grabs one of her breasts and says, "If you firmed these up a bit, you wouldn't have to keep using your bra." He laughs and laughs. The next morning, he again catches her as she finishes her shower and grabs her bu... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong. Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recogn... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Paul, a guy on the local beach just couldn't make it with any of the girls, so he heads over to the lifeguard tower to see if the lifeguard has any advice for him."Dude, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing them baggy old swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outtastyle. Your... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Y... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you." |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying, "I know that in your religion you're not supposed to eat pork. Have you actually ever tasted it?"The rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."Then the Rabbi had... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A guy applied to join a nudist club. "Exactly what do you do here?" he asked. "It's quite simple," said the club secretary, "We take off all our clothes and commune with nature." "Cool," said the guy, "...count me in!!!" So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off. As he walked along a path, he... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer in charge looked at the photograph she handed him, questioned her, and then asked if she wished to give her husband any message if they found him. "Yes," she replied readily. "Tell him Mother didn't come after all." |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | "Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week.""That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself." |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Wandering dejectedly in The Garden of Eden, Eve told God, "I'm lonely I'm tired of eating apples by myself." "Okay," God said, "I'll create a man for you." Eve said, "A man! What's that?" "He's a creature with aggressive tendencies and an enormous ego. He won't listen very well, he'll get lost easily, but never stop to... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds; then it comes crashing back down. He tries this a few more times with no success. All the while his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Police Jokes | A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away. Policema... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper a... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | One day there was this Teacher who after missing a few days of school because of snow on friday decided to tell her students that there was going to be a test monday no matter what. So the the class clown in class raises his had asks, "Well what if I have some great sexaul expeirences this weekend and I come in on mond... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, with them are their 8 children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while the husband gets ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Aviation | Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane." Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars." One year Morris and Esther went to the fair and Morris said, "E... |
Write a joke about the following category | Crazy Jokes | A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, the uncle had an idea. "W... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that said and done, the next time God look... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $40 the first time."He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He orders six shots of vodka. The bartender asks the man, "Have a rough day?" The man replies, "Yeah, I found out my younger brother was gay!" The bartender says, "Man, I'm sorry to hear that. That's awful." The man downs the shots and leaves. The very next day the same man comes b... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | These two guys meet after not having seen each otherfor many many years. The first guy asks the second guy,"How have things been going?" The second guy speakingvery slowly tells the first guy, "I w..a..s.. a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d." The first guy says in amazement, "Hey, you don't stutterany more." ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiance to his study for a drink. "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man. "I am a Torah scholar," he replies. "A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" The boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." The old man says "What you gonna do with that?" The boy says "Gonna catc... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | John walks up to the bar tender and bets him $200.00 that he can take off his ear and place it on the bar.. The bartender thinks to himself, "I know this isn't possible" "OK I will bet you the 200.00 dollars!" the bartendar told John John took off his ear and placed it on the bar....and then said to the bartender,... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?" "No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't." "Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?" "The house gets $80.00 and... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | These two men were cellmates at state penitentiary for nine years. Oneday Larry said to Joe, "You know man its been a long time since we hadsome sex so you oughta let me screw you."Joe replied. "Are you crazy?!!"Larry went on to say, "I promise you that it won't hurt and we'll flip a coin and see who screws, who firs... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | There was this guy named John that went to heaven. He looked around and saw millions of clocks, some were slow and some were fast. He went to God to ask a question. ''What's the deal with all these clocks?'' John asked. ''Well,'' said God, ''these clocks tell how much a person masturbates.'' ''Well, where's my clock... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Boudreaux went to the store and bought him a pair of patent leather shoes. After seeing how mirror looking they were, he decided to go to the dance. He asked one lady to dance. He then tells her, "You are wearing red panties." She asks how does he know? He looks down at his patent leather shoes. He then asks another la... |
Write a joke about the following category | Food Jokes | The owner of a small New York sandwich deli was being questioned by a tax agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year. "Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle. When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish. The waiter explains that the meatballs are bull'... |
Write a joke about the following category | Crazy Jokes | Sven was going for his morning walk one day when he walked past Ole's house and saw a sign that said "Boat For Sale." This confused Sven because he knew that Ole didn't own a boat, so he finally decided to go in and ask Ole about it. "Hey Ole," said Sven, "I noticed da sign in your yard dat says 'Boat For Sale,' but y... |
Write a joke about the following category | Food Jokes | "May I take your order?" the waiter asked. "Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" "Nothing special sir," he replied. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die." |
Write a joke about the following category | Miscellaneous | On the sixth day God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and said, "Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty, with majestic mountains, beautiful pristine lakes bountiful with carp and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Sam had been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible.Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someon... |
Write a joke about the following category | Food Jokes | A diner was agitated that the waiter had brought him no spoon with his coffee. "This coffee," he said loud enough for most of the other patrons to hear, "is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers." The waiter reddened, made a hasty retreat to the kitchen and returned shortly with another cup of coffee. "This on... |
Write a joke about the following category | Science | A man ducked into confession with a turkey in his arms. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," he said. "I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you please take it and settle my guilty conscience?" "Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it." "I tried," Br... |
Write a joke about the following category | Sex | A man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise not to laugh." "Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," the man said, and proceeded to drop his ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | A fireman came from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're ready to go on the trucks.""From now on," he said, "we're going to run this house the same way." ... |
Write a joke about the following category | Medical | An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examinationthe same day so they could travel together. After the examination, thedoctor then said to the man: "You appear to be in good health. Do youhave any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?""In fact, I do," said the man. "After I have... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first teeandthe fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started talking and bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is sosuccessful that he gave a friend a new home for free. Jus... |
Write a joke about the following category | Men | Two men were sitting in a bar.One man turned to the other and said,"I slept with your mother!"The other man ignored him.A few moments later the man said, more forcefully this time, "I slept with your mother!!"The other turned to him and replied,"Go home Dad, you've had too much to drink." |
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