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What does Chandler tell Joey to help him remember which date he has? | [Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around and
talking.]
Ross: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long
it's been since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything
to you?
Joey: Great story! But, I uh,
I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh m... | Chandler reminds Joey that Angela is the screamer and Andrea has cats, helping Joey figure out which woman he's going on a date with. |
Why does Joey leave Ross's apartment? | [Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around and
talking.]
Ross: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long
it's been since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything
to you?
Joey: Great story! But, I uh,
I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh m... | Joey leaves because he has a date with either Angela or Andrea in June, and he needs to go get ready. |
What does Phoebe say will happen if she lets go of her hair? | Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an
issue... [Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV
and are trying to figure out what is going on.]
Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big
pipe organ, and she's real... | Phoebe says that if she lets go of her hair, her head will fall off. She is commenting on what is happening in the Spanish soap opera they are watching. |
What is Rachel saying on the phone to her daddy? | Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an
issue... [Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV
and are trying to figure out what is going on.]
Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big
pipe organ, and she's real... | Rachel tells her daddy that she can't marry someone because she doesn't love him, and that love matters to her. She is reacting to a scene in the Spanish soap opera they are watching together. |
What problem does Ross have while trying to assemble the furniture? | [Scene: Ross's Apartment, the guys are there assembling
furniture.]
Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm
supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm
guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.
(Joey and ... | Ross cannot find the brackety thing and worm guys that he's supposed to use according to the instructions, and he also cannot feel his legs from squatting. |
What does Joey do with the leftover L-shaped bracket? | [Scene: Ross's Apartment, the guys are there assembling
furniture.]
Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm
supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm
guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.
(Joey and ... | Joey dumps the leftover L-shaped bracket into a plant when Ross is not looking, so he won't notice it's missing from the bookcase assembly. |
What do Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe ask Monica about the guy she's going out with? | The One Where Monica Gets a New Roomate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)
The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)
Written by: Marta Kauffman & David Crane
Transcribed by: guineapig
Additional transcribing by: Eric Aasen
(Note: The previously unseen parts of this episode are shown in... | They question whether something is wrong with him. Chandler asks if he has a hump and a hairpiece, while Phoebe asks if he eats chalk. |
What does Rachel say she has never done before in her entire life? | [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for
Joey and Chandler.]
Rachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never
made coffee before in my entire life.
Chandler: That is amazing.
Joey: Congratulations.
Rachel: Y'know, I figure if I can
make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.
Chandler: ... | Rachel says she has never made coffee before in her entire life. She expresses amazement at this accomplishment and suggests that if she can make coffee, there isn't anything she can't do. |
What do Joey and Chandler do after tasting Rachel's coffee? | [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for
Joey and Chandler.]
Rachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never
made coffee before in my entire life.
Chandler: That is amazing.
Joey: Congratulations.
Rachel: Y'know, I figure if I can
make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.
Chandler: ... | Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot. Joey then jokes that he's not that hungry after all. |
Who is Rachel calling and what is she apologizing for? | [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.]
Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know
you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love
with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking
and dial... | Rachel is calling Barry and apologizing to him. She clarifies that her apology isn't about a previous comment she made regarding him making love with his socks on, but rather about a deeper personal matter. |
What does Rachel tell Barry about becoming Mrs. Barry Finkel? | [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.]
Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know
you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love
with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking
and dial... | Rachel tells Barry that while some girl will be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, it won't be her. She explains that she needs a chance to figure out who she is first. |
What age is Ross and what has just happened to him? | [Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and
Chandler are working on some more furniture.]
Ross: I'm divorced! I'm only
26 and I'm divorced!
Joey: Shut up!
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler
hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
Ross: That only took me an hour.
Chandler:... | Ross is 26 years old and he is divorced. He expresses distress about being divorced at such a young age. |
What does Chandler say about relationships lasting and what example does he give? | [Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and
Chandler are working on some more furniture.]
Ross: I'm divorced! I'm only
26 and I'm divorced!
Joey: Shut up!
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler
hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
Ross: That only took me an hour.
Chandler:... | Chandler says that between him and Joey, they haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. He contrasts this with Ross, who had the love of a woman for four years before she ended the relationship. |
What does Paul reveal to Monica about his situation since his ex-girlfriend left him? | Monica: What?..... What, you wanna spell it out with
noodles?
Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda
revelation.
Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?
Paul: Isn't there?
Monica: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were
you gonna say?
Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um... | Paul tells Monica that ever since his ex-girlfriend left him, he hasn't been able to perform sexually. He mentions this has been going on for two years. |
Does Monica agree to a fifth date with Paul after learning about his revelation? | Monica: What?..... What, you wanna spell it out with
noodles?
Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda
revelation.
Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?
Paul: Isn't there?
Monica: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were
you gonna say?
Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um... | Yes, after a pause, Monica tells Paul that she still thinks she might want a fifth date with him, despite learning about his sexual performance issue. |
What does Monica think about the person she was interested in? | [Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]
Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line!
Monica: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?
Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you
into bed'.
Monica: I hate men! I hate men!
... | Monica thought he was nice, but it turns out he was using a line on her to try to get her into bed. |
What does Phoebe do to comfort Monica? | [Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]
Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line!
Monica: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?
Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you
into bed'.
Monica: I hate men! I hate men!
... | Phoebe starts massaging Monica's feet and advises her not to hate, saying she doesn't want to put that negative energy out into the universe. |
What does Frannie immediately notice about Monica when she returns from Florida? | [Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.]
Frannie: Hey, Monica!
Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida?
Frannie: You had sex, didn't you?
Monica: How do you do that?
Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through
Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who?
Monica:... | Frannie notices that Monica has had sex. She deduces this while recounting that she was pushing her Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle, implying Monica was doing something more exciting. |
Who is Paul and what is Frannie's connection to him? | [Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.]
Frannie: Hey, Monica!
Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida?
Frannie: You had sex, didn't you?
Monica: How do you do that?
Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through
Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who?
Monica:... | Paul is the Wine Guy. Frannie claims to take credit for Paul, saying that before she was with him, there was no romantic activity in his life for two years. |
What analogy does Chandler use to describe kissing compared to other activities? | [Scene: Central Perk, everyone's there.]
Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us,
kissing is as important as any part of it.
Joey: Yeah, right!.......Y'serious?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica: Absolutely.
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, k... | Chandler compares kissing to a stand-up comedian that you have to sit through before the main concert, saying it's like an opening act rather than the main event. |
What does Chandler say about the ball of paper that Monica finds? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's
Company.]
Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's
Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.
Phoebe:...Then I've already seen this one! (Turns off the TV.)
Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you t... | Chandler explains that he wrote a note to himself, then realized he didn't need it, so he balled it up. When Monica glares at him, he says he wishes he was dead. |
Why does Phoebe turn off the TV while watching Three's Company? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's
Company.]
Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's
Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.
Phoebe:...Then I've already seen this one! (Turns off the TV.)
Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you t... | Phoebe turns off the TV because Chandler mentions it's an episode with a misunderstanding, and she realizes she has already seen that episode. |
Why does Monica want Rachel to cut up her credit cards? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table.
Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
Rachel: Oh God, come on you
guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.
Monica: C'mon, you can't live off your parents yo... | Monica believes Rachel can't live off her parents her whole life and needs to become financially independent. Rachel had been relying on her parents, and Monica is trying to help her take responsibility for her own spending. |
What does Phoebe share about her own experience moving to the city? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table.
Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
Rachel: Oh God, come on you
guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.
Monica: C'mon, you can't live off your parents yo... | Phoebe tells Rachel that she came to the city when she was fourteen and didn't know anybody. She ended up living with an albino man who was cleaning windshields outside Port Authority. |
What sign did Paul miss that indicated his girlfriend was cheating on him? | [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]
Monica: Oh my God!
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I
should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I
mean, how clean can teeth get?
Monica: My brother's going through that right now,
he's such a mes... | Paul missed the sign that his girlfriend was going to the dentist four and five times a week, questioning how clean teeth could actually get. |
What did Monica do to her boyfriend's belongings as retaliation? | [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]
Monica: Oh my God!
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I
should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I
mean, how clean can teeth get?
Monica: My brother's going through that right now,
he's such a mes... | Monica shredded her boyfriend's favorite bath towel, which she describes as the worst thing she ever did to him. |
What does Ross tell his parents about Carol? | Monica: (trying desperately to change the subject) So, Ross, what's going on
with you? Any stories? (Digs her elbow into his hand.) No news, no little anecdotes to
share with the folks?
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise
you guys have been wondering what exactly hap... | Ross reveals that Carol is a lesbian, living with a woman named Susan, and that she is pregnant with his child. He explains that Carol and Susan plan to raise the baby together. |
What is Monica's reaction when Ross is about to share news with their parents? | Monica: (trying desperately to change the subject) So, Ross, what's going on
with you? Any stories? (Digs her elbow into his hand.) No news, no little anecdotes to
share with the folks?
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise
you guys have been wondering what exactly hap... | Monica tries desperately to change the subject and asks Ross if he has any stories or anecdotes to share with their parents, while digging her elbow into his hand to discourage him from speaking. |
What does Carol tell Ross about the surgical instrument he is playing with? | [Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.]
Ross: (entering) Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was this big
dinosaur.. thing.. anyway.
(Susan enters holding a drink.)
Susan: Hi.
Carol: Ross, you remember Susan.
Ross: How could I forget?
Susan: Ross.
Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. ... | Carol tells Ross that the instrument he is using to mime a duck actually opens her cervix. |
What does Phoebe say her twin sister does for a living? | [Scene: Central Park, everyone's there.]
Joey: Your folks are really that bad, huh?
Ross: Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they
take their time, they get the job done.
Monica: Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you
could- (To Ross) -I'd want you... | Phoebe says her twin sister is a waitress. She describes her sister as a high-powered, driven career type, but then reveals she works as a waitress. |
What does Monica say she would want if she could change her parents? | [Scene: Central Park, everyone's there.]
Joey: Your folks are really that bad, huh?
Ross: Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they
take their time, they get the job done.
Monica: Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you
could- (To Ross) -I'd want you... | Monica tells Ross that if she could change her parents, she would want his parents instead of her own. |
What did Rachel lose that everyone is trying to find? | Monica: Easy Rach, we'll find it. (To all) Won't we!
Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah!
Joey: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?
Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!
Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days...
Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the
kitc... | Rachel lost an engagement ring. She realizes she had it in the kitchen and accidentally put it in the lasagne that Monica made. |
What does Monica say to Rachel when she realizes what happened? | Monica: Easy Rach, we'll find it. (To all) Won't we!
Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah!
Joey: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?
Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!
Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days...
Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the
kitc... | Monica says "I gave you one job!" in response to Rachel losing the engagement ring in the lasagne. |
What does Marsha say is the reason the female cave mannequin seems angry? | [Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker
(Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.]
Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little
angry?
Marsha: Well, she has issues.
Ross: Does she.
Marsha: He's out banging othe... | Marsha explains that the male cave person is out banging other women over the head with a club, while the female sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet. |
What last name does Carol say the baby will have? | [Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're still arguing about what to name the baby.]
Susan: Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen?
Ross: Helen Geller? I don't think so.
Carol: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller.
Ross: Thank you!
Carol: No, I mean it's not Geller.
Ross: What, it's gonna be Helen Willick?
Ca... | Carol says the baby will be named Helen Willick-Bunch, combining the last names of both Carol and Susan. |
What job did Rachel get? | [Scene: Barry's office, Rachel is doing her makeup in the mirror on Barry's lamp as
Barry enters.]
Barry: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?
Rachel: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.
Barry: Oh, that's great.
Rachel: Why are- why are you so tanned?
Barry: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.
Rachel: O... | Rachel mentions that she got a job, though the specific details of the job are not provided in this excerpt. |
Who did Barry go to Aruba with instead of Rachel? | [Scene: Barry's office, Rachel is doing her makeup in the mirror on Barry's lamp as
Barry enters.]
Barry: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?
Rachel: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.
Barry: Oh, that's great.
Rachel: Why are- why are you so tanned?
Barry: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.
Rachel: O... | Barry went to Aruba with Mindy, Rachel's maid of honour. He tells Rachel that he and Mindy are now a thing. |
What does Joey say when the Warden asks how it feels knowing he's about to die? | [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is helping Joey rehearse for a part.]
Chandler: 'So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?'
Joey: 'Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to
live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die.'
Chandler: Hey, that was really good!
... | Joey says 'Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die.' |
What does Joey request when Chandler asks what he wants from Damone? | [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is helping Joey rehearse for a part.]
Chandler: 'So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?'
Joey: 'Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to
live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die.'
Chandler: Hey, that was really good!
... | Joey says he just wants to go back to his cell because he can smoke there. |
What does Joey say Chandler must do before coming inside? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is smoking out on the balcony, Phoebe is absent.]
Joey: Let it go, Ross.
Ross: Yeah, well, you didn't know Chi Chi.
Monica: Do you all promise?
All: Yeah! We promise! We'll be good!
Monica: (shouts to Chandler) Chandler? Do you promise to be good?
(Chandler makes a... | Joey says that Chandler can come inside, but his cigarette (filter-tipped little buddy) has to stay outside. |
What names does Carol suggest for the baby? | Ross: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the
baby's name?
Carol: Marlon-
Ross: Marlon?!
Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
Ross: ...As in Mouse?
Carol: As in my grandmother.
Ross: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about
... | Carol suggests Marlon if it's a boy and Minnie if it's a girl. Minnie is the name of her grandmother. |
What alternative baby name does Ross propose? | Ross: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the
baby's name?
Carol: Marlon-
Ross: Marlon?!
Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
Ross: ...As in Mouse?
Carol: As in my grandmother.
Ross: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about
... | Ross suggests the name Julia as an alternative to the names Carol and Susan had already agreed upon. |
What did Phoebe's date say to her at the subway? | [Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is there.]
Phoebe: (entering) Hi guys!
All: Hey, Pheebs! Hi!
Ross: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go?
Phoebe: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said 'We should do this
again!'
All: Ohh. Ouch.
Rachel: What? He said 'we should do it again', that's good, r... | He walked Phoebe to the subway and said 'We should do this again!' According to the group, this is actually a rejection in dating language. |
What does 'It's not you' mean according to Joey? | [Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is there.]
Phoebe: (entering) Hi guys!
All: Hey, Pheebs! Hi!
Ross: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go?
Phoebe: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said 'We should do this
again!'
All: Ohh. Ouch.
Rachel: What? He said 'we should do it again', that's good, r... | Joey explains that in dating language, 'It's not you' actually means 'It is you', clarifying that it's a coded way of saying the problem is with the other person. |
What does Chandler say the sonogram looks like? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone is watching the tape of the sonogram.
Rachel is on the phone.]
Ross: Well? Isn't that amazing?
Joey: What are we supposed to be seeing here?
Chandler: I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.
Phoebe: You know, if you tilt your head to the ... | Chandler jokes that he thinks it's about to attack the Enterprise, comparing the sonogram image to something from Star Trek. |
What is Monica's reaction when Ross asks her what she thinks about the sonogram? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone is watching the tape of the sonogram.
Rachel is on the phone.]
Ross: Well? Isn't that amazing?
Joey: What are we supposed to be seeing here?
Chandler: I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.
Phoebe: You know, if you tilt your head to the ... | Monica wells up with emotion, though she initially denies it when Ross points it out. Ross notices her welling up and comments on it. |
What does Chandler say when the group discovers he is smoking? | Monica: We're with you. We got it.
(Chandler leans over the back of the couch out of sight.)
Phoebe: Okay. I'd- just- I'd never be able to enjoy it. It would be like this
giant karmic debt.
Rachel: Chandler, what are you doing?
Monica: (puling him up) Hey. Whaddya doing?
(Chandler tries to shrug noncha... | Chandler admits "I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking." He then claims that smoking is his reward after being good for three years. |
How long had Chandler been good before he started smoking again? | Monica: We're with you. We got it.
(Chandler leans over the back of the couch out of sight.)
Phoebe: Okay. I'd- just- I'd never be able to enjoy it. It would be like this
giant karmic debt.
Rachel: Chandler, what are you doing?
Monica: (puling him up) Hey. Whaddya doing?
(Chandler tries to shrug noncha... | According to Phoebe, Chandler had been good for three years before he was caught smoking behind the couch. |
What does Monica compare her friends to when they meet a guy she brings home? | [Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are at work.]
Monica: I mean, why should I let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and
within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the
weak members of the herd.
Paula: Listen. As someone who's seen more than her fair share of bad... | Monica compares her friends to coyotes picking off the weak members of the herd. She says that within five minutes of bringing a guy home, they're all over him. |
What does Paula say about Monica's chances of her friends liking a guy if they never meet him? | [Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are at work.]
Monica: I mean, why should I let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and
within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the
weak members of the herd.
Paula: Listen. As someone who's seen more than her fair share of bad... | Paula points out that the odds of Monica's friends liking a guy are slimmer if they never get to meet the guy in the first place. |
What nursery rhyme does Phoebe reference in the conversation? | Ross: ...What shoe?
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked
smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
(Dubious pause.)
Ross: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future
boyfriends will be measured.
Rachel: What future boyfriends? Nono, I... | Phoebe references 'There was a crooked man,' a nursery rhyme about a man with a crooked smile who lived in a shoe. |
What does Chandler say he would do for Alan's David Hasselhoff impression? | Ross: ...What shoe?
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked
smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
(Dubious pause.)
Ross: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future
boyfriends will be measured.
Rachel: What future boyfriends? Nono, I... | Chandler says he would marry Alan just for his David Hasselhoff impression alone, and mentions he's going to do the impression at parties. |
How does Ross describe Alan's performance during the softball game? | [Scene: Central Perk, Monica is alone as Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Joey enter
dejectedly in softball gear.]
Monica: Hi.. how was the game?
Ross: Well..
All: WE WON!! Thank you! Yes!
Monica: Fantastic! I have one question: How is that possible?
Joey: Alan.
Ross: He was unbelievable. He was like tha... | Ross compares Alan to Bugs Bunny playing all positions in a cartoon, saying Alan was like first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-Alan, meaning he was playing multiple positions and was unbelievable. |
What does Phoebe bring to Lizzie? | [Scene: A street, Phoebe walks up to a homeless person (Lizzie) she knows.]
Phoebe: Hey, Lizzie.
Lizzie: Hey, Weird Girl.
Phoebe: I brought you alphabet soup.
Lizzie: Did you pick out the vowels?
Phoebe: Yes. But I left in the Ys. 'Cause, y'know, 'sometimes y'. Uh,
I also have something else for you. (... | Phoebe brings Lizzie alphabet soup with the vowels picked out, but leaving in the Ys. She also gives her an envelope containing a thousand dollars. |
What does Lizzie offer to give Phoebe in return for the money? | [Scene: A street, Phoebe walks up to a homeless person (Lizzie) she knows.]
Phoebe: Hey, Lizzie.
Lizzie: Hey, Weird Girl.
Phoebe: I brought you alphabet soup.
Lizzie: Did you pick out the vowels?
Phoebe: Yes. But I left in the Ys. 'Cause, y'know, 'sometimes y'. Uh,
I also have something else for you. (... | Lizzie offers to give Phoebe her tin-foil hat as something in exchange for the thousand dollars. |
What is Monica's concern about the guy she's dating? | [Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are working.]
Monica: Did you ever go out with a guy your friends all really like?
Paula: No.
Monica: Okay.. Well, I'm going out with a guy my friends all really like.
Paula: Waitwait.. we talking about the coyotes here? All right, a cow got
through!
Monica: Can you bel... | Monica says she doesn't feel 'the thing' for him, even though all her friends really like him. She explains that while her friends feel the connection, she doesn't. |
Why does Monica say breaking up with the guy will be hard? | [Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are working.]
Monica: Did you ever go out with a guy your friends all really like?
Paula: No.
Monica: Okay.. Well, I'm going out with a guy my friends all really like.
Paula: Waitwait.. we talking about the coyotes here? All right, a cow got
through!
Monica: Can you bel... | Monica is worried about how the other five people will take the breakup, though the guy himself will be fine with it. |
What does Phoebe discover that causes everyone to react with disgust? | [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is telling everyone about her discovery.]
Ross: A thumb?!
(Phoebe nods.)
All: Eww!
Phoebe: I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there,
like this tiny little hitch-hiker!
Chandler: Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know? Like, collect all five?
Pho... | Phoebe finds a thumb floating in something she opened up. When she offers to show it to everyone, they all refuse to look at it. |
What does Chandler do that bothers the group, and how does he respond when they tell him to stop? | [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is telling everyone about her discovery.]
Ross: A thumb?!
(Phoebe nods.)
All: Eww!
Phoebe: I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there,
like this tiny little hitch-hiker!
Chandler: Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know? Like, collect all five?
Pho... | Chandler lights a cigarette, which prompts everyone to tell him to cut it out. He complains that it's unfair, arguing that everyone has flaws and listing annoying habits of his friends like Joey's knuckle-cracking and Ross's over-pronouncing words. |
What does Chandler claim about smoking when Joey and Ross confront him? | [Scene: Cental Perk, Joey and Ross are persecuting Chandler about his smoking.]
Joey: Do you have any respect for your body?
Ross: Don't you realise what you're-you're doing to yourself?
Chandler: Hey, y'know, I have had it with you guys and your cancer and your
emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom li... | Chandler says that smoking is cool and that Joey and Ross know it. He dismisses their concerns about cancer, emphysema, and heart disease. |
Who calls Chandler at Central Perk and what does Rachel do with the phone? | [Scene: Cental Perk, Joey and Ross are persecuting Chandler about his smoking.]
Joey: Do you have any respect for your body?
Ross: Don't you realise what you're-you're doing to yourself?
Chandler: Hey, y'know, I have had it with you guys and your cancer and your
emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom li... | Alan calls Chandler, and Rachel holds the phone out to him and hands it to him so he can speak with Alan. After the conversation, Chandler stubs out his cigarette. |
What does Phoebe say she would want if she were omnipotent for a day? | [Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except Joey.]
Monica: Alright. Phoebe?
Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day,
I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And
bigger boobs!
Ross: Yeah, see.. you took mine. Chandler, what
about you?
Chandler: Uh,... | Phoebe says she would want world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest, and bigger boobs. |
What does Joey initially misunderstand about the omnipotent question, and what does Ross clarify? | [Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except Joey.]
Monica: Alright. Phoebe?
Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day,
I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And
bigger boobs!
Ross: Yeah, see.. you took mine. Chandler, what
about you?
Chandler: Uh,... | Joey misunderstands "omnipotent" and says he would kill himself, thinking Monica asked what he would do if "Little Joey" were dead. Ross clarifies that the word is "OMnipotent," not "omni-potent" as Joey interpreted it. |
What news does Joanne share with Rachel and her friends? | Monica: (to Phoebe) I swear I've seen birds do this
on Wild Kingdom.
Rachel: What are you guys doing here?
Kiki: Well, we were in the city shopping,
and your mom said you work here, aaand it's true!
Joanne: Look at you in the apron.
You look like you're in a play.
Rachel: (to a pregnant Leslie) Look a... | Joanne reveals that her dad is making her a partner in his firm. Everyone screams in excitement when she announces this. |
What does Kiki show off to the group while sharing her news? | Monica: (to Phoebe) I swear I've seen birds do this
on Wild Kingdom.
Rachel: What are you guys doing here?
Kiki: Well, we were in the city shopping,
and your mom said you work here, aaand it's true!
Joanne: Look at you in the apron.
You look like you're in a play.
Rachel: (to a pregnant Leslie) Look a... | Kiki holds up her finger to display her engagement ring, which prompts everyone to scream again. |
What does Ross see in the shop window that distracts him? | [Scene: A Street, Chandler and Joey are kicking a can to
each other.]
Chandler: ...Poulet passes it up to Leetch! (Passes
it to Joey.)
Joey: Leetch spots Messier in the crease- there's
the pass! (He kicks it to Ross, but Ross is staring into a shop window.)
Chandler: We'll take a brief time out while Mess... | Ross sees women's shoes in the shop window that remind him of boots Carol was wearing the night they first got together. |
What does Rachel say she does at her job besides waitressing? | [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Lesile, Kiki, and Joanne are
talking.]
Rachel: So c'mon, you guys, tell me all the dirt!
Kiki: Well, the biggest news is still you dumping
Barry at the altar!
Joanne: Alright. Let's talk reality for a second.
Rachel: Okay.
Joanne: When are you coming home?
Rachel: What... | Rachel writes the specials on the specials board, takes dead flowers out of the vase, and sometimes Artelle lets her put little chocolate blobbies on the cookies. |
Why did Phoebe get no sleep last night? | [Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Monica are watching Phoebe
sleep.]
Monica: How does she do that?
Ross: I cannot sleep in a public place.
Monica: Would you look at her? She is so peaceful.
Phoebe: (waking and startling them) Oh! What what
what! ...Hi.
Ross: It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again. ... | Phoebe's grandmother has a new boyfriend, and they are both insecure in bed and deaf. They constantly have to reassure each other that they're having a good time, and they are very loud about it. |
What does Monica offer to do for Phoebe? | [Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Monica are watching Phoebe
sleep.]
Monica: How does she do that?
Ross: I cannot sleep in a public place.
Monica: Would you look at her? She is so peaceful.
Phoebe: (waking and startling them) Oh! What what
what! ...Hi.
Ross: It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again. ... | Monica offers to let Phoebe stay with her and Rachel for the night so she can get some sleep. |
What does Ross say is wrong with him when they arrive at the emergency room? | [Scene: An Emergency Room, Chandler and Joey are leading
Ross in.]
Chandler: (to the receptionist)'Scuse me.
Receptionist: (holds up her hand she is on the
phone) It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar.
Well, I'm not completely satisfied.
Chandler: Listen, it's ... | Ross says he is in a lot of pain and that his face is dented. |
What does the receptionist tell Chandler to do when he tries to get her attention? | [Scene: An Emergency Room, Chandler and Joey are leading
Ross in.]
Chandler: (to the receptionist)'Scuse me.
Receptionist: (holds up her hand she is on the
phone) It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar.
Well, I'm not completely satisfied.
Chandler: Listen, it's ... | The receptionist tells Chandler to fill out some forms and sit over there, then tosses him the forms. |
What does Phoebe compare Rachel to? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, they're all hanging out in the
living room.]
Monica: You should feel great about yourself! You're
doing this amazing independence thing!
Rachel: Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like,
everything. And for what?
Phoebe: You are just like Jack.
Rachel: ...Jack from downs... | Phoebe compares Rachel to Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk. She says Rachel is like Jack because he gave up something and then got magic beans that led to possibilities, similar to how Rachel gave up things for her independence. |
What does Rachel say she gave up? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, they're all hanging out in the
living room.]
Monica: You should feel great about yourself! You're
doing this amazing independence thing!
Rachel: Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like,
everything. And for what?
Phoebe: You are just like Jack.
Rachel: ...Jack from downs... | Rachel says she gave up an orthodontist. She contrasts this with Jack's sacrifice of a cow, noting that she didn't love the orthodontist. |
What happens to Ross during the hockey game at Madison Square Garden? | [Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are
watching the game.]
Ross: Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not
laughing now, are ya pal!
Chandler: (to Ross) See buddy, that's all you need,
a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks.
Ross: Pass it! Pass it!
Chandler: He's open!
All: S... | A puck flies off the rink and hits Ross in the face after a player shoots it. |
What does Chandler notice after the puck hits Ross? | [Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are
watching the game.]
Ross: Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not
laughing now, are ya pal!
Chandler: (to Ross) See buddy, that's all you need,
a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks.
Ross: Pass it! Pass it!
Chandler: He's open!
All: S... | Chandler notices that they are on the TV screen (the jumbotron). He and Joey then hold the puck and wave at the TV. |
What does Phoebe say when Monica asks if she has a plan? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the slumber party continues.]
Rachel: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to
bring you down.
Monica: No, you were right. I don't have a plan.
(There's a knock on the door.)
Pizza Guy: (yelling from outside) Pizza
guy!
Rachel: Thank God. Food. (She goes to answer the
doo... | Phoebe says she doesn't even have a 'pl', implying she doesn't have a plan at all. |
What pizza did Rachel and the group order, and what did the Pizza Guy deliver instead? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the slumber party continues.]
Rachel: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to
bring you down.
Monica: No, you were right. I don't have a plan.
(There's a knock on the door.)
Pizza Guy: (yelling from outside) Pizza
guy!
Rachel: Thank God. Food. (She goes to answer the
doo... | They ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese, but the Pizza Guy arrived with a mushroom, green pepper and onion pizza that was actually ordered by someone named G. Stephanopoulos. |
What does Rachel ask Phoebe about George Snuffalopagus? | Monica: Are you nuts?! We've got George
Stephanopoulos' pizza! (Rachel pays him, Monica grabs some binoculars, and runs to the
window.)
Rachel: Uh, Pheebs? Who's George Snuffalopagus?
Phoebe: Big Bird's friend.
Monica: I see pizza!
Phoebe: Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see! (She
runs up and takes ... | Rachel asks Phoebe who George Snuffalopagus is. Phoebe responds that he is Big Bird's friend. |
What does Monica see when she looks out the window with binoculars? | Monica: Are you nuts?! We've got George
Stephanopoulos' pizza! (Rachel pays him, Monica grabs some binoculars, and runs to the
window.)
Rachel: Uh, Pheebs? Who's George Snuffalopagus?
Phoebe: Big Bird's friend.
Monica: I see pizza!
Phoebe: Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see! (She
runs up and takes ... | Monica sees pizza when she looks out the window. She becomes excited about it being George Stephanopoulos' pizza. |
Why does Chandler go to the receptionist and what does he complain about? | [Scene: The Emergency Room, Joey is miming hockey pucks
kitting foreheads. Chandler realises it's getting tense and goes to the receptionist
again.]
Chandler: Excuse me, look, we've been here for over
an hour, and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in. I mean, that guy with
the toe thing? Who'... | Chandler goes to the receptionist because they've been waiting for over an hour. He complains that people less sick than his friend have already been seen, pointing out that a guy with a toe problem went in ahead of them. |
What does Monica say is in the Tiki Death Punch? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are in
pajamas and Monica is making something in the blender as Rachel enters.]
Monica: Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends?
(She and Phoebe scream.) Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch? (She pours the
contents of the blender into some glasses.)
... | Monica says the Tiki Death Punch contains rum and other ingredients, though she doesn't fully finish explaining all the components before Rachel starts drinking from the blender. |
What items did Monica and Phoebe plan to use for their slumber party? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are in
pajamas and Monica is making something in the blender as Rachel enters.]
Monica: Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends?
(She and Phoebe scream.) Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch? (She pours the
contents of the blender into some glasses.)
... | Monica mentions they got trashy magazines, cookie dough, and Twister. Phoebe also brought the game Operation, though she notes she lost the tweezers needed to play it. |
What is Joey's plan to get Angela back? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, Joey is there, trying to convince Monica to pose
as his girlfriend. His plan is to hook Monica up with Angela's boyfriend Bob and then take
Angela back for himself.]
Joey: Monica, I'm tellin' you, this guy is perfect for you.
Monica: Forget it. Not after your cousin who co... | Joey wants Monica to pose as his girlfriend and hook up with Angela's brother Bob. He believes that if he does this favor for Bob, Angela will come back to him. |
What does Monica say about Joey's previous setup attempt? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, Joey is there, trying to convince Monica to pose
as his girlfriend. His plan is to hook Monica up with Angela's boyfriend Bob and then take
Angela back for himself.]
Joey: Monica, I'm tellin' you, this guy is perfect for you.
Monica: Forget it. Not after your cousin who co... | Monica references Joey's cousin who could belch the alphabet, saying she won't date anyone Joey sets her up with after that experience. |
Why does Ross say Monica is not coming to do laundry? | [Scene: Ross' apartment, Chandler is over.]
Ross: (on phone) Ok, bye. (hangs up) Well, Monica's not coming, it's just gonna
be me and Rachel.
Chandler: Oh. Well, hold on camper, are you sure you've thought this thing
through?
Ross: It's laundry. The thinking through is minimal.
Chandler: It's just you and R... | Monica is not coming, so it will just be Ross and Rachel doing laundry together. |
What does Chandler suggest Ross should reconsider about his underwear before doing laundry with Rachel? | [Scene: Ross' apartment, Chandler is over.]
Ross: (on phone) Ok, bye. (hangs up) Well, Monica's not coming, it's just gonna
be me and Rachel.
Chandler: Oh. Well, hold on camper, are you sure you've thought this thing
through?
Ross: It's laundry. The thinking through is minimal.
Chandler: It's just you and R... | Chandler suggests that Ross should rethink having dirty underwear, since this is basically the first time Rachel will see his underwear and he would want it to be clean. |
What does Ross think is amazing that a person can do? | [Scene: Central Perk, all six are there.]
Monica: Would you let it go? It's not that big a deal.
Ross: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in there, there's
one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm
concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even com... | Ross thinks it's amazing that you can reach into a sleeve and use one little maneuver to pull out a bra. He considers this ability to be better than anything guys can do. |
What does Joey say he doesn't understand about women? | [Scene: Central Perk, all six are there.]
Monica: Would you let it go? It's not that big a deal.
Ross: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in there, there's
one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm
concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even com... | Joey says he doesn't understand how women can see their own breasts any time they want by just looking down, and he's amazed they can get any work done given this constant distraction. |
What does Ross describe about his first night with Carol? | [Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about
his first night with Carol.]
Ross: I remember the moonlight coming through the
window- and her face had the most incredible glow.
Chandler: Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical
feeling, you did this part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please?... | Ross remembers the moonlight coming through the window and Carol's face having the most incredible glow. |
Why does Chandler ask for painkillers? | [Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about
his first night with Carol.]
Ross: I remember the moonlight coming through the
window- and her face had the most incredible glow.
Chandler: Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical
feeling, you did this part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please?... | Chandler is frustrated and asking for painkillers because he is tired of hearing Ross repeatedly talk about his first night with Carol. |
What does Chandler say he has no plans for on Saturday night? | [Scene: Central Perk, all are there.]
Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night,
Sat-ur-day night!
Joey: No plans, huh?
Chandler: Not a one.
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?
Chandler: Oh, right, right, shut up.
Monica: Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with some... | Chandler says he has no plans at all for Saturday night. Ross suggests he could use the time to break up with Janice, implying that breaking up with her is what Chandler should be doing. |
What does Joey suggest Chandler do instead of breaking up with Janice? | [Scene: Central Perk, all are there.]
Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night,
Sat-ur-day night!
Joey: No plans, huh?
Chandler: Not a one.
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?
Chandler: Oh, right, right, shut up.
Monica: Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with some... | Joey suggests that Chandler be a man and just stop calling Janice instead of having an actual breakup conversation with her. |
What does Chandler say he and Phoebe could do together tomorrow? | [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Phoebe are there, both ready to break up with their
significant others.]
Chandler: Where are they? Where are they?
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
Chandler: It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some
puppies.
Phoebe: Eww, ... | Chandler sarcastically suggests that tomorrow they could rent a car and run over some puppies, though Phoebe rejects this idea. |
What does Janice tell Chandler about her day and the photo shoot? | [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Phoebe are there, both ready to break up with their
significant others.]
Chandler: Where are they? Where are they?
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
Chandler: It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some
puppies.
Phoebe: Eww, ... | Janice says she had a supremely awful day and that the proofs came back from a photo shoot involving little vegetables, which she says pretty much sucked. |
What does Monica ask Joey about Bob before Bob arrives at the restaurant? | [Scene: A fancy restaurant, Joey and Monica are there, meeting Angela and Bob, who
Monica thinks is Angela's brother.]
Monica: Thank you. So what does this Bob guy look like? Is he tall? Short?
Joey: Yep.
Monica: Which?
Joey: Which what?
Monica: You've never met Bob, have you?
Joey: No, but he's...
Moni... | Monica asks Joey what Bob looks like, whether he is tall or short. However, Joey admits he has never actually met Bob, so he cannot answer her questions accurately. |
What is Monica's reaction when Bob walks into the restaurant? | [Scene: A fancy restaurant, Joey and Monica are there, meeting Angela and Bob, who
Monica thinks is Angela's brother.]
Monica: Thank you. So what does this Bob guy look like? Is he tall? Short?
Joey: Yep.
Monica: Which?
Joey: Which what?
Monica: You've never met Bob, have you?
Joey: No, but he's...
Moni... | Monica is pleasantly surprised when Bob enters and turns out to be good-looking. She stops mid-sentence expressing her concern that Bob could be unattractive, joking that she will shut up now. |
What does Chandler say about Joey eating his gum? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyond except Monica and Joey is watching Lambchop.]
Chandler: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for
thirty years it'd be talking too.
Ross: Okay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch. (Does so.)
Monica: (entering) Hey. Where's Joe... | Chandler jokingly says that Joey ate his last stick of gum, so he killed him, and then asks if everyone thinks that was wrong. |
What does Ross do for Chandler while everyone is watching Lambchop? | [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyond except Monica and Joey is watching Lambchop.]
Chandler: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for
thirty years it'd be talking too.
Ross: Okay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch. (Does so.)
Monica: (entering) Hey. Where's Joe... | Ross changes Chandler's nicotine patch. After finishing, Chandler responds deadpan that he's 'alive with pleasure now.' |
What advice does Phoebe give Chandler about breaking up with Janice? | [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is coaching Chandler on how to break up with Janice.]
Phoebe: Ok, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band-aid. Just do it
really fast, and then the wound is exposed.
(Chandler walks back to couch, where Janice is.)
Chandler: Janice. Hi, Janice. Ok, here we go. I don't thi... | Phoebe tells Chandler to do it like pulling off a Band-aid - really fast, so the wound is exposed quickly. |
How does Janice react when Chandler tells her they shouldn't go out anymore? | [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is coaching Chandler on how to break up with Janice.]
Phoebe: Ok, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band-aid. Just do it
really fast, and then the wound is exposed.
(Chandler walks back to couch, where Janice is.)
Chandler: Janice. Hi, Janice. Ok, here we go. I don't thi... | Janice becomes extremely wound up and tries to calm herself down by repeatedly saying 'Stop it, stop it, stop it.' |
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