id stringlengths 4 78 ⌀ | score stringclasses 809
values | title+body stringlengths 11 32.8k ⌀ | Unnamed: 3 nullclasses 2
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|---|---|---|---|
5tz52q | 1 | I hate how you cant even say black paint anymore. Now I have to say "Leroy can you please paint the fence?" | null |
5tz4dd | 0 | What's the difference between a Jew in Nazi Germany and pizza ?. Pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven .
I'm so sorry. | null |
5tz319 | 0 | I recently went to America..... ...and being there really helped me learn about American culture. So I visited a shop and as I was leaving, the Shopkeeper said "Have a nice day!" But I didn't so I sued him. | null |
5tz2wj | 1 | Brian raises his hand and says, “He’s in Heaven.”. A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Brian raises his hand and says, “He’s in Heaven.”
Susan answers, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously an... | null |
5tz1pc | 0 | You hear about the University book store worker who was charged for stealing $20,000 worth of books?. He got caught trying to sell the two books to a freshman. | null |
5tz1o1 | 0 | Why is it unknown on how pterodactyls urinate especially during flight?. Because the p is silent. | null |
5tz0ef | 0 | Why women need legs?. To avoid leaving tracks like a snail while walking. | null |
5tz04j | 1 | I walked into a PETA adoption center and the receptionist asked me what kind of dog I wanted. Apparently "Whatever's low in cholesterol" was not the right answer. | null |
5tz02q | 0 | How did TV studios make words appear on screen before computers?. Character actors! | null |
5tz02h | 0 | How do you find Will Smith in the snow?. You follow his fresh prints. | null |
5tyzxh | 15 | Remember when you were a kid and when you cried your parents said, "I'll give you a reason to cry"?. I always thought they were gunna hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later. | null |
5tyzx4 | 0 | Remember, you can't spell Valentine's Day without.... ... Anal Destiny. | null |
5tyze2 | 0 | Happy try not to jump off a bridge day!. Oh and it's also Valentines day | null |
5tyytx | 3 | My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?". I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track." | null |
5tyyo2 | 1 | If I get a bird I'm naming it Trump. cuz all they do is Tweet | null |
5tyxrb | 0 | I was going to get a headjob for Valentines Day. But my back was sore and I couldn't reach. | null |
5tyx6v | 3 | A mother went into a coma after giving birth to twins. When she woke up after 6 months and 3 days, the doctor told the mother: "While you were in a coma, we had your brother name your children. One is a boy, one is a girl."
The mother, with a disappointed and angry look on her face told the doctor: "Why my brother? Th... | null |
5tywci | 2 | What do you call an exercise machine with a strobe light?. An epileptical. | null |
5tyt6c | 2 | My dad has a heart of a lion. ...and a lifetime ban from the local zoo. | null |
5tyqqw | 3 | Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork.. But the bigger, heavier ones are delivered by a crane. | null |
5tyqqi | 0 | A monkey is getting stoned in a zoo.... Welcome to India | null |
5tyqag | 62 | I've translated a popular Russian joke to English , wanna hear you reaction )). A young boy says to his father "Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you."
"What happened?" The father asks.
"Well, she asks me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answer '63' , then she asks, 'and 9 * 7?' so I asked 'what's the fucking difference?... | null |
5tymmf | 1 | What did the mommy bean say to her son when he asked for money?. I dont have any, go ask your fava | null |
5tymff | 1 | When You Break Up At 11:59 Tonight. And save $300 instantly. | null |
5tylhy | 4 | I wanted to buy an Audi.. But I can't A4'd it. | null |
5tyl5a | 1 | I'm Trying to Remember The Name of A Song. It's about a girl with amnesia talking to her Grandmother.
The lyrics are "Oh, Nana, What's My Name?" | null |
5tykxd | 0 | What are minorities?. Lesser people. | null |
5tyk3b | 3 | Did you hear that Donald Trump is technically a plant?. Because all of his cells have built a wall. | null |
5tyj4u | 2 | i had trouble swallowing a viagra last night. my neck was stiff for 4 hours | null |
5tyii8 | 11 | What is the king of all school supplies?. The Ruler | null |
5tygzy | 12 | A rugby player was hurt very badly during a scrum and he had both of his ears ripped off.... Since he was permanently disfigured, he decided to give up playing rugby for good.
His club and insurance company ensured that a large sum of money went his way.
One day, he decided to invest his money in a small but growing... | null |
5tygyu | 1 | A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female !!. A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.
She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her ... | null |
5tygq5 | 5 | A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”. A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”
So the woman poked her ankle and screa... | null |
5tyfyh | 3 | Why did the producers of 007 films use government debt to fund their newest film?. Because interest in the Bond is so low. | null |
5tyfoj | 2 | Pocket empty day !. Happy pocket empty day. | null |
5tyf21 | 2 | I want to see that new movie coming out with Scarlett Johannson…. …but she probably isn't available. | null |
5tyezd | 3 | Man gets lost in the desert.. He has no compass and he has lost his sense of direction.
Suddenly he sees a caravan on the horizon. He jumps, shouts and waves his arms to get their attention, and, oh joy, they notice him and move in his direction.
But his happiness is short lived, as the travelers turn out to be mea... | null |
5tyess | 37 | Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Girl?. You have to drop the Bomb twice before she gets the Message.
| null |
5tyegn | 0 | Site of the 2017 Dane county massacre.. All that is left after tens of snowmen were brutally melted on this spot by a massive indifferent ball of fire. | null |
5tyef7 | 0 | He fucked what?. A small child asks his father:
Boy: Dad, where did I come from?
Dad: The Stork, son.
Boy: what's wrong with you dad? Your wife is so gorgeous yet you're out fucking The Stork? | null |
5tyeec | 0 | My wife wants to eat somewhere shes never eaten before for V-Day. I told her she should try the kitchen | null |
5tydto | 4 | I was offered sex with a 21 yr old today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla. | null |
5tydjg | 6 | 3 women talk. "The other day I touched my husband's balls and realized that they are cold. Never noticed before!" - says the first.
Next day the second woman tells to the others:
"That's true! I touched my husband's balls and they are also cold. It's curious."
Next day the third woman appears with her eye blacked.... | null |
5tydi6 | 1 | There are two types of people. The ones who bang on the wall, And the ones who bang on the wall because I'm banging my girlfriend on the wall | null |
5tyd57 | 3 | Why did the computer squeak?. Someone stepped on its mouse. | null |
5tycln | 3 | i found a place where the recycling rate is 98%.. Your moms bed. | null |
5tybk6 | 6 | Valentine's day fights. My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started....
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.... | null |
5tybdq | 0 | I feel so bad for the necrophiliac's sister. She died a virgin but she sure wasn't buried one | null |
5tybdd | 14 | What's the difference between you and a Calendar?. A Calendar has a date on Valentine's day. | null |
5tyanf | 0 | Julian Lennon messed up breakfast. He tried to make eggs. He broke the yoke.
Yoke! Oh! Oh no! | null |
5tyajc | 3 | A guy calls home. 'Hello!?'
'Hey! Honey, you wouldn't believe the day I'm having right now, I lost my phone!'
'Hello, I'm not your wife, I'm Cecelia, your new maid!'
'Oh! That's great! Welcome! I'm having a crazy day right now, can you please hand the phone to my wife?'
'I would but she just locked her room and wen... | null |
5tyabb | 0 | I found a place where the recycling rate is 100%. This post. | null |
5ty9jc | 11 | Roses are gray. Violets are gray.. I'm a dog.
Happy Valentine's Day! | null |
5ty9am | 0 | I hear the Mexicans are planning an attack on America. Don't worry, we have our Trump card. | null |
5ty7fl | 7 | I bought my friend an elephant for their room.. They said thank you. I said don't mention it. | null |
5ty56m | 0 | You're laughing because I'm laughing.. But I'm laughing braces I just farted. | null |
5ty3r5 | 2 | This guy proposed to his wife after walking away from a terrible car accident without a scratch. He said "Life's too short and it can end at any time.". She said "Honey, we've been married for 7 years. I think you have amnesia." | null |
5ty39a | 2 | TIL you can drink lava. But only once | null |
5ty36v | 1 | First woman on mars.. Houston we have a problem...OK what is it? If you don't know already I am not going to tell you. You wouldn't understand. | null |
5ty2u6 | 1 | Recipe idea: rosemary and thyme lamb, without the thyme.. I give you, "The Lamb That Thyme Forgot" | null |
5ty2qy | 2 | What are the two most common names of Mexican fire-fighter?. José and Hose B. | null |
5ty263 | 3 | Ice Cube was asked if there was a rock band from the 80's of which he would have sex with all the members of.... ... and he said "Fuck the Police" | null |
5ty1st | 2 | Bad Advertisement. Apparently using the words "Never opened" is no good, when trying to sell a parachute.. | null |
5ty14u | 4 | Roses are red.. Cacti are thorny
I just can't help that
You make me horny | null |
5ty0wy | 4 | So Seamus and Mary are an elderly couple. And they are very private. Ever since they were young they wouldn't talk about sex publicly, but instead developed a code phrase: Doing a load of laundry.
One night they are out at the pub, having a couple drinks, and Seamus turns to Mary and asks "D'ya fancy going home and d... | null |
5txziy | 5 | These reports of a major snowstorm hitting the Northeast don't concern me.. It's all just flake news. | null |
5txzbr | 1 | Why do you ask?. A young Native American boy goes up to the chief of his tribe and asks "Chief, how did we get our names?"
The Chief looked at the boy and said "Oh, that's simple. All parents in our tribe named their children after something that was occurring during their birth. For example, Snowflake was born during... | null |
5txyle | 0 | Those ads actually ran.. Yep, that's the joke. Funny how reality has become a joke. | null |
5txxuo | 1 | There's a bizarre black-market concession stand in North America which sells only human body parts. Customers who wish to purchase an item must use code-phrases to avoid the authorities' suspicion.
One night a blind man stops by the stand.
"What would you like to purchase today?" asks the cashier.
"Oh, nothing" the ... | null |
5txxsu | 54 | Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today. Should have cooked it on aloha temperature | null |
5txxq7 | 12 | Why is the camel called the ship of the desert?. Because its full of Arab semen. | null |
5txwsv | 13 | A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.... A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder... | null |
5txvq7 | 3 | What does a women say after having 3 orgasms in a row?. Yeah I figured you wouldn't know. | null |
5txvd6 | 2 | The towns being evacuated under the Oroville Dam all voted Pro-Trump.. Clearly those people love to live in constant fear of disaster. | null |
5txv65 | 7 | A Man Gets Really Drunk. A man gets really drunk at a bar and asks the bartender for the bathroom. The bartender points to the bathroom and the man complains about having to take a serious shit and runs towards it.
A few minutes later the man screams in agony, stops, then screams again. The bartender goes to check i... | null |
5txurc | 3 | What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?. I don't know... but the flag is a big plus. 🇩🇰 | null |
5txuaa | 1 | Did you hear about Leatherface's jewish cousin?. He was also a serial killer. He liked to dig up the corpses of women and use their skin to furnish his house. After the police arrested him they discovered a whole morbid collection of objects. He had a belt made out of ears, a lampshade made from stitched together faces... | null |
5txu52 | 1 | A milestone. Is one mile closer to the stone. | null |
5txtyd | 9 | I floss religiously.. I do it on Christmas and Easter. | null |
5txtk8 | 3 | I used to think everyone on 4chan was a virgin,. But this Guy Fawkes. | null |
5txte1 | 1 | What part of the house got busted for drugs?. The attic | null |
5txsm2 | 10 | Manager : So do you think you'd be a good waiter?. Me : well, you could say I bring a lot to the table. | null |
5txs4x | 14 | An optometrist asks a woman out on a date. I have a couple of ideas:
1: Dinner
2: Movies
1 or 2? 1.. 2..? 1..... or 2? | null |
5txs3z | 1 | Did you hear about the Chinese godfather?. He made him an offer he couldn't understand. | null |
5txrfd | 9 | A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender sighs and says; "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!" | null |
5txrcr | 19 | How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?. A Brazilian. | null |
5txr27 | 2 | Scientists have been trying to talk to dolphins for years.. One day it just clicked. | null |
5txpo9 | 0 | They say only men and lesbians can be funny.... Must be something in the pussy they're eating | null |
5txomv | 0 | What’s long and hard and full of semen?. A Submarine.
| null |
5txoil | 39 | Dad, how do you know if someone is drunk?. Dad: Look son, you see those two people walking by?, if I had seen 4, I would've been drunk.
Son: But dad, there's only one person. | null |
5txohj | 3 | Why did the scientist install a knocker on his/her door?. He/she wanted to win the no-bell prize. | null |
5txnv8 | 25 | A man is shopping for cattle in 1886.... He finally settles on a perfect Black Angus bull. He says to the owner "Here's the money. I need to send a message to my wife to come pick up the bull. She already knows where I am but I need her to come pick him up now before it gets dark. Where can a fella send a telegram?" Th... | null |
5txnr5 | 2 | I thought of the first Fleshlight. As it turns out it already existed but i came to it on my own | null |
5txnqz | 6 | Doctor, are you sure he was Dead?. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
beg... | null |
5txn3n | 4 | Why are the dinosaurs afraid of Gordon Ramsey?. He took a bite from one of his prey and complained that it was "FUCKING RAAAAAAWWWWW!" | null |
5txmyo | 16 | A lot of women turn into great drivers.... So if you're a great driver, look out for women who are turning. | null |
5txmlh | 4 | Valentines Day Flowers. Blonde #1: Oh how I hate when he brings me flowers. All night I'll be on my back with my legs in the air.
Blonde #2: Don't you own a vase? | null |
5txm9l | 2 | #1 Uconn women's team going for historic 100th consecutive team in a sold out stadium against #6 South Carolina. Espn2 | null |
5txluy | 6 | A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's ... | null |
5txlkj | 0 | Did you hear the outrage over the rapist getting four years?. And he gets to live in the White House to boot! | null |
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