jokeText stringlengths 6 9.52k | dataset stringclasses 3
values | joke_or_not bool 2
classes |
|---|---|---|
A cat falls into water, which makes the rooster laugh Moral of the story: a wet pussy makes a happy cock | short_jokes | true |
WAITER: Would you like the usual, Mr Smith? MR SMITH: *all smugly* Do birds fly? *Penguin at the next table slams down his menu* | short_jokes | true |
If I'm ever on life support, unplug me... Then plug me back in. See if that works. | short_jokes | true |
When tragedy strikes your community, McDonald's will still be there to take your money. | short_jokes | true |
Q: What did the rude prism say to the light beam that smacked into him? A: Get bent! | short_jokes | true |
A man goes into a butcher's shop and says "I bet you 50 bucks you can't hand me the ribeye from the top shelf." The butcher says: "I can't take that bet, the steaks are too high." | short_jokes | true |
A man walks into a bar... OUCH!!!! | short_jokes | true |
The tree in my front yard is allergic to bees It always get hives | short_jokes | true |
My new years resolution is going well, lost 10 pounds! but that was down the back of my sofa.... | short_jokes | true |
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging. Took me ages to get her husband's voice right. | short_jokes | true |
What do you call Halloween for feminists? Triggertreat | short_jokes | true |
In high school I was voted Most Likely to Be Shot Dead While Trying to Steal Something of Moderate Value From a Texan. | short_jokes | true |
I'm so lazy, I'll only walk my fingers through your hair. | short_jokes | true |
I have a friend who's half Indian. Ian | short_jokes | true |
Go to racist joke, what's yours? Two unemployed Irishmen walk past a police notice board with "two black men wanted for rape" first one says "fucking niggers get all the best jobs" | short_jokes | true |
When I was about 8, my mom would play hide and go seek with me.. She was really good, too. Mom, where are you? | short_jokes | true |
I'm starting to think that the gym isn't really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later. | short_jokes | true |
"Dammit, I'm more than 15 minutes late for my three o'clock." John 3:16. | short_jokes | true |
Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton apart from a cow? A: By the wise look in the eyes. | short_jokes | true |
We have a young married couple in the neighborhood who are truly inseparable. Last week it took four Howard County Policemen and a dog. | short_jokes | true |
I sell property based in vietnam after WWII, people tell me i fucked up everyone there in the 60s My name is agent orange | short_jokes | true |
What do you call a people who serve in Thailand? Thai Fighters | short_jokes | true |
Hey, have you heard about the new Micheal Bay film? I've heard the lead role goes to explosions. | short_jokes | true |
What kind of tree likes a high five? A palm tree | short_jokes | true |
What do you call a stolen Tesla? An Edison | short_jokes | true |
I think my wife is going to bake me some pickle bread! She just got home with a big box and said she would surprise me tonight with her new dill dough. | short_jokes | true |
If I was a Doctor, my prescription pad would just read: "Smoke 2 joints, eat ALL the chicken" | short_jokes | true |
I'm trying to write a joke with the word "cunt" But I cunt. | short_jokes | true |
What do you call your girlfriend after a tough workout? Sorbet | short_jokes | true |
Did you guys hear about the award winning farmer? Apparently he was outstanding in his field. [modified repost] | short_jokes | true |
What's the difference between a piano, glue, and a tuna? You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna (What about the glue?) I knew you'd get stuck on that | short_jokes | true |
(Dirty!) Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor. | short_jokes | true |
What's the difference between a Women's cross country team and midget geniuses? The midget geniuses are cunning runts. | short_jokes | true |
Why do French tanks come equipped with rearview mirrors? So they can see the battle. | short_jokes | true |
In a Mediterranean restaurant...(xpost /r/puns) What did the sick chef say to the bus boy? "Oh man, I feelafal" | short_jokes | true |
What does Bill Cosby eat for breakfast? Rapefruit | short_jokes | true |
Where do religious school children practice sports? In the prayground! | short_jokes | true |
I thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I'm in NJ | short_jokes | true |
I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come... Then there was awkward silence as he got dressed and left. | short_jokes | true |
I think the thing that really gets me hard is increased blood flow to my penis. | short_jokes | true |
I opened what I thought was a can of whoop-ass, but it turned out to be Whoomp! And there it is, all over my floor. | short_jokes | true |
What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole? OBAMA'S tie | short_jokes | true |
I'll never cheat on another test... It keyed my car and told the cops I beat it up | short_jokes | true |
I was thrown out of my cloning exam for copying the kid next to me. | short_jokes | true |
How bad is my career? I met a homeless guy on the beach in Los Angeles & thought "Wow this guy has it made" | short_jokes | true |
How can you tell the Indians were here in America first? They had reservations. | short_jokes | true |
How many American cops does it take to change a broken lightbulb? Two. One to arrest the room for being black, and the other to arrest the bulb for being broke. | short_jokes | true |
Why doesn't anyone like jelly donuts? They have fillings too... | short_jokes | true |
What's long and hard when you first put in in your mouth, but soft and wrinkly when you take it out? A piece of gum, you pervert! | short_jokes | true |
Doctors would be pretty cool superheroes except for the fact their weakness is apples. | short_jokes | true |
[politics] I think Trump settled the whole "tiny hands equals small penis" argument today... It must take a pretty massive dick to fuck the entire world at once | short_jokes | true |
I bought my retarded son a Komodo dragon, but for safety reasons we keep him in his cage. Away from the Komodo dragon. | short_jokes | true |
It's weird to me that the shortened version of Charles is "Chuck". I mean, what the Farles is that about? | short_jokes | true |
There are two types of countries on this planet ones that use the metric system and the one that got to the moon | short_jokes | true |
"Happy birthday! " - Oh wow! A necklace! I love- wait... Did you get me a fake diamond? "Well, it's not really your 29th birthday either" | short_jokes | true |
Just saw a doctor eating an apple. My whole life is a lie. | short_jokes | true |
You can't spell 'jew' without the word 'ew'. | short_jokes | true |
What do you call someone who has to pay for sex? Buy-sexual (I know it is cheesy, but I thought of it all on my own.) | short_jokes | true |
What sort of tape measure does the guy from The Guinness Book of Records use to measure the worlds longest tape measure? | short_jokes | true |
What does a red neck divorce and a burning meth lab have in common? Someone's losing a trailer. Edit: Because I fucked up. | short_jokes | true |
29 and 30 had a fight. 31. | short_jokes | true |
What did the Indian tailor say to the patron who came in naked? "What sarong with you?" | short_jokes | true |
So I woke up this morning to my dishwasher making a weird sound.. Turns out she was just vacuuming. | short_jokes | true |
Why should you never use r/television 's fridge to store mutton? It always spoils the GoT. | short_jokes | true |
What do you call an alligator that starts something? An insti-GATOR! | short_jokes | true |
I never wish death upon anybody who wrongs me. I wish sudden, explosive diarrhea while on a date Much more satisfying. | short_jokes | true |
Statue of Liberty How do you know the Statue of Liberty isn't French? It doesn't have both arms raised. And yes I know the French manufactured the Statue of Liberty and gave it to the United States | short_jokes | true |
[hospital] "Did my dad make it, doctor?" Billy, your dad's in a better place now. [crying] "HE'S DEAD?" Haha no, he went to Disney World. | short_jokes | true |
Just wrote a musical composition about pedophiles... "Dick" in A minor | short_jokes | true |
Why can't the Muslim crossdresser feed his family? He lost hijab. | short_jokes | true |
How many reddit admins does it take to screw in a light bulb Ill let you know once they get back to me | short_jokes | true |
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors. | short_jokes | true |
4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths. | short_jokes | true |
why didn't the antelope like to go on the rollercoaster because he is anti loops | short_jokes | true |
How many people need to die before we fix... ...this horrendous piano dropping problem! | short_jokes | true |
What do the French call a bad Thursday? A tra-jeudi. | short_jokes | true |
Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch? A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides. | short_jokes | true |
Pet Review: Horses Cost: Thousands of dollars Pros: Bragging about owning a horse Cons: Can literally kick your face off, big teeth 1.5/10 | short_jokes | true |
A seal walks into a club And soon after an Inuit family has a nice meal. | short_jokes | true |
How do you stop a dog from barking in your front yard... Put him in the backyard | short_jokes | true |
Why does the mushroom get invited to all the parties? Because he's a fungi. | short_jokes | true |
What's the difference between a Mexican and a book? The book has papers | short_jokes | true |
Drinking wine & throwing away photos of my ex. This is how Lifetime movies start. | short_jokes | true |
Why did the storm trooper return his iPhone? Because it wasn't the droid he was looking for! | short_jokes | true |
When the gay guy died, why did they bury him face down? So his buddies could come by and have a cold one with him. | short_jokes | true |
[ouija board] Spirits im in need of your help O N L Y I F Y O U H E L P U S Sure W T F I S Y O U R W I F I P A S S W O R D | short_jokes | true |
[first time having sex] Me: are u sure u aren't too drunk? Couch cushion: .... | short_jokes | true |
What do you call a Reddit Psychic? A 4chan teller | short_jokes | true |
What is white and hurts a homophobic man if it lands on him? An airplane | short_jokes | true |
Neo Nazi? Morpheus unhappy. | short_jokes | true |
I was in Ferguson last night and got jumped by 5 black guys! The car started right up, they just said it just needs a new battery. What nice gentlemen i thought to myself. | short_jokes | true |
What do you call an expert at making ship parts? A master master. | short_jokes | true |
Q: Why is the most intelligent part of your body so intelligent? A: Because it nose. | short_jokes | true |
Is it "butt" naked or "buck" naked? Either way, this dentist appointment is making me very uncomfortable. | short_jokes | true |
My wife asked me what super hero I would be at the party.. I told her a giant dick that comes to the rescue | short_jokes | true |
I walked up 14 flights of stairs, so I'm all done with exercise this month. | short_jokes | true |
What do you call a cop in court for murder? Unlikely | short_jokes | true |
A pair of fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we don't serve fonts here!" But they sat down anyways because they were **bold**. | short_jokes | true |
Why did the little girl eat her money for lunch? Because her mom gave her money for lunch. 8 year old sister told me this joke, gave me a good laugh. | short_jokes | true |
"Can I shit here?" ---- Sean Connery trying to make friends at the park but making enemies inshtead. | short_jokes | true |
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