clean_text stringlengths 3 19.8k | is_depression int64 0 1 |
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normally i use my note app but this wa the first time i had written pen and paper somehow it feel good it s the final chapter of my life i hope people in my life understand i had to do this for myself the pain is too much for one to handle everyday | 1 |
she asked me to go out and do thing outside of school which i don t do often she s so nice and cool and creative and i care fo her so much but i feel like i should just leave her alone im such a terrible person ive done and said so much messed up stuff and if she knew who i really wa she would hate me im a fucking shit... | 1 |
im fucking drunk at 9am even if im fucking with my life still ahead of me i don t wan na do this anymore i dont even have a house anymore i have nobodt y fck i cant even type noboidy i just want to end thing but im too scared to even kill myself hpw do i do it without failing i often imagine others doing it for me can ... | 1 |
i don t know if i could able to live another day or another year i hear everyday people judge who i talked to or what i m planning to do they hated my presence and how my thought is they hated my love of interest and my hobby because it s useless and not get you anywhere in life my mom constantly telling me i m not goi... | 1 |
my abusive mom got off she died ruining me my younger brother is in her footstep and abuse me too i don t want any encouragement or anything positive i am just done sensitive people like me the victim always lose my mom won a she died and is now in peace my brother ha won too so i m done i lost the battle and the war n... | 1 |
if thing don t get better for me by the end of 0 i m going to cash out my saving write a will and use of my saving to go on a world trip alone after which i will kill myself in a quiet place by the sea or something the saving i m leaving for my little brother because who know how expensive college will be by the time h... | 1 |
when all you can feel is you re failing at everything failure failure failure so you give up and you attempt to end it all and even fail at that how am i supposed to feel then | 1 |
i miss my life before this depressive episode idk if you can even call it an episode anymore it s been over year i don t think i ll ever be the same and that destroys me inside i miss 0 9 and 0 0 up until september i wa truly happy and just coasting through life so content i wa so happy and life wa so simple especially... | 1 |
hello thank you for reading my post and any advice would be appreciated so i m a 9 year old guy from southern california i dated my ex for about month and it wa a relationship plagued with many issue she cheated on me at the beginning of the relationship and i later found out stayed with her and then cheated on her it ... | 1 |
i should ve died it s been a year since my last suicide attempt a year since the closest i ve gotten to dying a year since my greatest mistake of life see people talk ab leading up to the attempt or their life before that but after the failed attempt they just say they wanted to live and everything got better nah bro t... | 1 |
why am i here i have class i need to go back i m sweating my backside is all gross and wet and it s not because it s hot i m wearing short something is wrong with me i m broken i can t be around people but i m lonely i can t care about college awful apathy is in my vein i can t even pretend to have any desire for life ... | 1 |
every time i think thing are getting better they suddenly go to shit is it even worth trying anymore i ve hit an all time low and my confidence ha never been worse which is kind of uncommon because my confidence go last usually everyone seems to be getting happier and they all have plan for the future but i still feel ... | 1 |
month ago i hit rock bottom and wa about to kill myself luckily the attempt wa a failure therapy worked wonder for me and i m falling in love right now thanks for the kind word in this subreddit you helped me through the darkest night of my life much love | 1 |
i am dying beforehand i dont even want to talk to you you are the reason why im leaving have a nice fucking life without me | 1 |
i ve had suicidal ideation almost everyday for year now i ve kinda lost track when specifically because everything just seems like a blur i feel trapped in a way because i don t want to hurt my friend and family but at the same time i m just so exhausted with living i just want to be set free and i wish they could just... | 1 |
i don t wan na be here anymore i m sick of feeling like this all the time i wan na kill myself tomorrow i might not do it but the thought of doing it are too much now | 1 |
well since i m too pusy to actually kill myself i ve just decided to tell everyone who care about me i ve past away from a random heart condition it s not like it matter i m clearly and problem and i m not worth their time of day anymore my friend are all long distance anyways it s not like they ll know my soon to be e... | 1 |
what if i die hel think it his fault | 1 |
i m losing my best friend one of my friend is about to kill himself another friend is lying to me i m done i can t hold on i just can t i m done i m just so done i m ready to die i ve been ready to die so i m about to write my note and pick a time and day and hopefully i won t be alive much longer | 1 |
curse this planet curse that most woman want an above average penis size curse most woman enjoy above average size curse i can t do anything to change mine curse i will always be inferior and never satisfy anyone fully curse that life made my life hopeless from the day i wa born curse people who get mad at me for givin... | 1 |
i m struggled with suicidal thought for the best part of year majority of my life i ve spent fighting myself thing that happened in my childhood have such a deep and agressive hold on my self esteem no matter what i do i don t feel confident in myself i can t even drink a coffee without getting into a fit of anxiety it... | 1 |
i 0m have had a rough past year my brother ha been in and out of psychiatric institute due to drug induced psychosis changed major life choice around my recent ex of year and am now living by myself in a college town doing all online class all of my friend are hour away and i can not seem to find connection with anybod... | 1 |
i really hate everything about myself i hate what i sound like look like my body my personality i really can t do this anymore and i won t try to i really wish i looked so much different wasn t a annoying a chatterbox i hate that i know i won t get better people call me a fighter for my disease but i hate it i wish i d... | 1 |
being gay is so fucking lonely everyone is either busy making their crotch gobblins or busy with their so i come from a super religious family and am not financially stable by myself so i just have to sit on the corner alone and watch everyone else enjoy life i have no one to talk to i dont have any friend id feel comf... | 1 |
i ve oded twice and they know i sh and the mental health team ha done fuck all sort of threatening to kill people how do you get committed i get that you can go private but i m broke i literally want to stab myself and don t know what to do so | 1 |
i dont want to write this because i feel like im disrespecting the people that actual suffered from suicide but i dont want to live without her she want no contact at all and she wa all that made me happy i miss her | 1 |
i fucking hate myself i deserve to die i should get run over by a train i deserve to fucking bleed until i die i need to die my mental health depends on my grade but my grade depend on my mental health i cant fucking take this im so tierd of all this i just wan na be normal i just want my family to understand that it h... | 1 |
currently i m under and life is hell i have ptsd i wa sexually assaulted at my mom didn t feed me when i didn t do all my homework every day didn t oh and ofc ma hit me when i cried and gaslight me to believe my dad wa actually the abusive one she wa also anti vax and flat earth right when the ptsd started to get bette... | 1 |
i m 9 i m in recovery for marijuana addiction i want to quit juuling soon it s making me so depressed and anxious i feel financially insecure i m not happy at my job and oftentimes time i feel suicidal i don t want to rely on med have any of you felt this way and made drastic change and turned it all around this is abs... | 1 |
i don t know i don t know i don t know i really really don t know what is going on and i am very confused and afraid for the last year and some change i have not been able to avoid the constant intense desire to violently commit suicide i fight it by trying to think hard about my family and friend and dog and all the g... | 1 |
i researched and it took me min to get a recipe for a combination of different med that will do the trick it will cost me le than a hundred but i m broke af everytime something happens now it just make me feel better because it reminds me that my decision is correct don t need my parent denying therapy but then complai... | 1 |
i ve been on med for a few year now which have worked for the most part up until last year i contracted an illness which gave me stomach problem and the issue ha kind of persisted ever since my health ha never been great eating disorder and weight issue mainly a well a really unsightly skin but this stomach issue ha ta... | 1 |
what to do when depression is so bad you can t function properly i shower every day and i don t brush my teeth once every few week and i fear that it will cause problem in the future i just ate like donut and chip i m not fat btw lol and i can t fucking bring myself to get out of bed i don t know why | 1 |
hello it s getting hard for me i don t know if i m really suicidal or not but i wish i could just not wake up i think about that every night before going to bed and when waking up i hate myself for this i clearly don t have that much problem in life i don t have money problem i have friend i am healthy yet there are ti... | 1 |
let me explain if you have suicidal thought or behavior technically your not well mentally but if you do drug just time or just for experience it s not a big deal you won t be trapped down watched in a mental hospital taking medication or like abortion it s a woman s body and choice into abort a baby and we should resp... | 1 |
when i slit my wrist we will see it s a 0 0 at this point | 1 |
for the past week or so i ve been what i can best describe a lonely maybe even despondent i ve been trying to find way to keep myself from having that hole in my chest form again but it keep happening it s so familiar and safe yet it seems to make me feel like i ll forever be alone and dead every memory of my childhood... | 1 |
tired of detail just going to get to the point i have attempted before and lately i ve been feeling like attempting again might try to think of a plan or talk myself out of it idk yet we ll see how life treat me the next few day | 1 |
it s so stupid but my body ache i have never felt so sad before im so emotionally and physically drained i don t care about myself anymore i hate myself and the stupid relationship i wa in it ruined me all i want to do is take a bunch of pill and curl up into a ball i have no friend who i can talk to either im so lonel... | 1 |
what if one day i just end it all and die then all my effort shall gone wasted those who care about me shall get angry about how i got defeated but everything will end on the day i die it s not hard to kill myself ya know just kill there are so many way i can do that what if i dont want to fight anymore fuck depression... | 1 |
idk what to do i dont wan na live but i dont wan na live either wtf should i do | 1 |
please don t judge me for what i do or how i m handling my current situation i don t have the capacity to get a job so i m a hooker and i barely get any client sadly i don t even make enough to eat i don t have a place of my own i give whatever i make to roommate so they can afford rent gas grocery etc i dreamed of bei... | 1 |
my plan wa to be dead by the end of march i couldn t muster the courage to put the bag over my head and turn the valve so i m just stuck here now left sitting here by myself with all my friend cutoff no car no job no hope not gon na be able to cover my bill this month i m a fucking waste please someone come over here a... | 1 |
sorry about the structure being bad in this i just need to write down my thought i genuinely don t see the point in living anymore i might a well just kill myself now and save myself from the bleak future that is coming with climate change war famine and all this other stuff that is going to happen and show no sign of ... | 1 |
i have bi polar disorder and per my therapisti have dismisive atrachment issue but right now i am struggling probably worse than i have in a while in a drunken fit i deleted almost all of the number in my phone so i had no one to reach out to i even called by sister but found myself hanging up after the first ring beca... | 1 |
i just don t care anymore i don t care what happens anymore just fucking kill me i m done i don t have the will to do this anymore i realize no matter what i do my life will always get worse so i should just do it and get it over with i tried i waited year for it to get better but that s not going to happen my health i... | 1 |
it s almost funny i don t want you to feel like i m giving up i m just worried that you ll start to resent therapy or resent me | 1 |
for context i m a yr old mom of two kid my daughter is and my son is month i have been struggling with all type of mental illness for a long a i can remember i wa raised by a narcissist alcoholic mom and a dad who wa barely there because he wa working to support u i have attempted to take my life more than time and hav... | 1 |
i feel like wanting to die why do i not have friend i feel soo empty lonely i mean i do have a lot of people i talk to on a daily basis but for some reason i feel the need to always have someone almost all the time with me like if i stay alone for hour i feel lonely it is weird i just wish to be happy i don t want to k... | 1 |
my imagination is not vivid enough to have faith in god spirit and the afterlife death will come no matter what and when it come your consciousness dissappears you don t feel pain you don t feel happiness you don t feel sadness you feel nothing and you think nothing you simply cease to exist but i respect those who wan... | 1 |
i just can t take it i didn t even have serious trauma it wa my fault and still i can t get over it it s been three year i said i forgave him for forcing me to have sex so many time so many month so many thing i wa young i didn t know how sex should work i didn t even consider my voice mattered i m so sorry for my youn... | 1 |
this is it i m sorry but i can t do this anymore i m tired and alone and i used up my resource to help me survive but it s over now i know my ex will be happier without me around and i know he will take care of our cat a i would it s going to suck not being alive anymore but i m done struggling to breathe i m exhausted... | 1 |
i am a late 0 s man in canada i have discovered i am bisexual my friend and family would be shocked i have always been with woman my whole life until last weekend i wa helping a coworker and his wife move we were finished and i needed to use the bathroom before i left when i came out they asked me straight out if i wan... | 1 |
is it somewhat normal that i want to attempt suicide just to prove to myself that i m actually depressed and suicidal and that i m brave and not a coward sometimes i don t think i m even depressed and that i m just feeling very lonely and numb sometimes i feel like i need to do very dangerous thing so that i don t feel... | 1 |
y male so for the last couple of year i ve been sad depressed at first not too bad like just gloomy but progressively stronger but maybe for the last maybe year to year and a half it s gotten pretty dark everything seems meaningless for a little back ground i m in a very healthy relationship my relationship with my par... | 1 |
i married my fianc from another nationality and moved to his country south korea i ve been here for almost three month and thing have been rough my husband work all day at least 0 hour a day and when he ha free time all we do is fight he s even violent sometimes i am an online teacher and he keep my money he doesn t al... | 1 |
i d rather not exist | 1 |
i m so tired of living today i had a lot of panic attack at school and my mom had to come for me hour before the school period ended i feel so worthless today i had a lot class who stress me so much i hate it so much i m tired of living and trying because yes dad i m trying i swear i m trying if only you were more comp... | 1 |
so the next fall is deeper and harder to bear each time there s one little glimmer of hope i know that it s ephemeral and could be gone the next day but i can t stop myself from getting lost in it thinking maybe this time it could be real for a while and some time it doe lurking there for a while like just right then b... | 1 |
i have no one to tell this so i want to throw it here maybe i will delete it my mind kill me but i just wanted to let some guy see what i struggle with my entire life i wa a disgrace i am not able to run like others to shitty reflex an ugly body a weak brain had a terrible social life that my entire life i dreamed abou... | 1 |
ironically my fear of loneliness is what kill my healthiest friendship in the end i love the world so much i really do enjoy being alive sometimes but it s not worth the time when i feel like everything is crashing down on me that s been every day lately on and off for year my greatest fear is being a burden on other p... | 1 |
i thought i would kill myself but i freed myself instead i went to a crisis center now i am taking a stand and speaking my truth i am telling everybody about the abuse i suffered a a child my entire family is against me but i am standing strong anyway god made me unbreakable and all of you too you just have to find a w... | 1 |
lasy year or so i ve been telling myself i dont know what to do i stopped playing video game i stopped watching youtube i stopped watching netflix i just play random phone game that isnt me i ve literally thought about how cult kinda give people reason im smart enough to not join a cult will i always have the will thou... | 1 |
after these few day i ve slowly started to realize something i m a living bad omen i have so many issue i m so mentally ill so many disability my life ha never been the slightest bit normal nothing is ever easy i m stuck in an asian household i m probably gon na forcefully get married be a housewife and get forced to h... | 1 |
i now think about suicide constantly i feel like it is my only option in the long term i will never finish school and be able to hold down a job i will never be able to be stable enough to give my wife child i can t live up to anything anyone expects of me i am stuck though my death would be a catastrophe in my wife s ... | 1 |
there s just so much and i can t bear all of it and god there s the dumb bullshit that hurt me too like being ugly horrifyingly utterly hideous i get disgusted and want to vomit or scream whenever i look at myself in the mirror i just want to press a button and die | 1 |
i wish i could just be normal and happy i have no friend and can t work i am just so tired of everything constant letdown and failure i cry and throw up over the littlest thing i barely even go out anymore cause when i do i see group of friend laughing and talking people will never understand | 1 |
this so called life changing drug ruined my life permanently it gave me permanent sexual issue some sort of emotional issue there seems to be no recovery from this ive never been like this before i only had anxiety it a syndrome called pssd from ssri whats hope amp x 00b amp x 00b | 1 |
i am so alone in this world and it is such a pain it s so hard for me to function properly it seems everything is a trigger to me now loud noise well any noise being around people talking everything make me want to relapse im gaining weight which ha never happened i m so ashamed and embarrassed yesterday i ate so much ... | 1 |
i broke up with my so and honestly i think that wa the last thing keeping me from wanting to end thing and it felt like it came out of nowhere without even a chance to fix thing i feel so alone i barely have any friend left everyone from high school moved on everyone from college moved away i ve always had trouble with... | 1 |
i can t take my ocd and thing i ve done like played virtual game and had a male friend i feel like a terrible girlfriend also i can t take living here with my parent at almost year old they re abusive mentally but they re right i m never gon na make it in life | 1 |
i ll have all the equipment by thursday i ve worked out how much rent to send my flatmate to cover a couple month i m getting rid of my clothes by the end of the week i ve written some letter and am going to print out a sheet of my important detail i m dreading it so much but i also can t wait time feel so slow and ago... | 1 |
my life is essentially perfect i have a good family great friend loving pet and a fantastic home with opportunity galore but i still want to end it all to take that trip down a road that i can t come back from in theory i should not be sad but i am and nothing help people in this world starve to death and some of my fr... | 1 |
i want to hurt myself to feel the suffer and hate towards myself for the pain i want to cry so hard i choke and get one of the worst death i want to regret when it s to late so it could hunt me down when i m dying i despise myself and want the worste for me but since i m too pathetic i will not do it also i feel like t... | 1 |
i am just a kid with a deformity i am in such constant misery i have no friend and i dont even feel human all i do is get made fun of and i cant take it anymore i just want to end it | 1 |
i feel so lonely and empty nothing fill that hole i have to live in a fantasy in my head to try and get some love and appreciation but a soon a i come back to reality all of it is gone i want this life to end i can t take it anymore | 1 |
age nojob sleeping thinking of suicide | 1 |
feel so alone and alienated i think about hanging myself everyday and it s getting more realistic everytime i imagine it in my head i ve never been the type of person to turn to suicide but i literally have nobody i can turn to and talk to every single person i thought would be there turned out to be selfish self cente... | 1 |
all my colleague hate me im just so clumy and stupid spilt a bunch of milk on the floor second time this ha happened and it went on my colleague shoe and she made a sarcastic comment about it and then her and the other guy i work with were looking like they were talking about me afterwards i cant do anything right this... | 1 |
please help me i don t want to kill myself but the world ha nothing to offer me nothing that s making me want to keep going i m terrified of death but i don t know if that s reason enough to keep going if i m going to die anyway maybe i should speed up the process already save the world the trouble because the world cl... | 1 |
i m thinking about killing myself since i m almost did it time and had multiple breakdown the last year i m now and nothing changed but i want to get better how do i tell my parent i really need some advice please | 1 |
i don t mean just dating wise either i ve been rejected by my family friend and pretty much everyone else last month though i went out with a girl for v day and started dating her and very recently she said she wasn t interested in me anymore and today i found out she wa already dating another person this is the second... | 1 |
i can t do shit at this point i m spending all of my time desperately trying to find somebody who would be slightly interested in me i m really only living off my hope and scrap of imaginary satisfaction thinking that one person might be liking me for example i m so done living like this why should my biggest need also... | 1 |
why the absolute f ck is this world so f cked up every single day i see a bunch of fake as people and a shitty world nobody give a f ck about anyones feeling they just say whatever make them look cool perants don t give a shit because they didn t live with this friend or suppose to be friend are fake and don t give a s... | 1 |
all the title are relateable but all the comment are like same life suck i m currently writing my note this is just another stop before the end though i seriously doubt there is anything that can be done i ve tried every medical treatment available including experimental one been through so much therapy and i m getting... | 1 |
i m m and i now have no one i can trust i don t know if my life is even worth living i don t know what i want to do with my life i just don t want to be here anymore but i can bc of my dad he would miss me to much i m a awful person and should be around anymore | 1 |
i had never even thought of suicide before because i wa too shielded from the real world and i thought that it something people do only in the most horrible situation it started when i wa at school speaking to a kid i knew only because she wa a friend of a friend we we re laughing about something when i saw the scar on... | 1 |
i ve lost everything i lost my best friend a community of people who were my only social outlet i m a failure i m i ve never been in a relationship i couldn t graduate college i m stuck working at a job which doesn t pay enough for me to afford rent so i have to live with my retirement age parent i can t find a job any... | 1 |
i don t know what i deserve anymore but i guess it s all about the pain | 1 |
i m so sick of being in a state of breakdown and every hotline i call treat me like dogshit hang up on me like nobody fucking care and i can t take rejection after rejection after fucking rejection when nobody s ever accepted me for who i am or loved me even once all i ever do is fuck up and nobody forgives even my tin... | 1 |
very recently my life ha been treating me absolutely horribly and i haven t been able to see anyone i ve loved or my irl crush for a week and a half now and it driving me insane because i just want to see them and i ve done nothing but sit in my room in bed and die for a week straight and i can t leave my house because... | 1 |
i had a chick year ago a baby chicken to be exact im in the middle of mental life family probs that time i dont want to talk about it long story short when i wa a split second away from jumping off the chair i heard my chick chirping so loud and i rethought my decision that day my chicken died last year but leaf me som... | 1 |
i feel like i can t believe i m really going to do it i ll do trial run before to see how it go but i m relieved in a way and terrified in another way | 1 |
why am i always suicidal | 1 |
hello guy first time posting here i hope everyone is doing alright at this time i just found out my friend ha committed suicide a year ago first let me give some background my friend is such a gentle loving soul and very devoted to his religion jehovah s witness he is not the most social person around bit awkward and a... | 1 |
i have been having really strong thought about killing myself the last month especially the last three day i don t think i want to die but i don t want to be here anymore i m really scared i have a little boy and i can t leave him alone but i feel like i can t go on like this i suck at everything my job my life being a... | 1 |
i can t do it anymore i don t want to talk to anyone because i keep backtracking myself into thinking i m over exaggerating i have no social skill constantly feel like everyone around me would be better off without me better yet everyone but my parent wouldn t notice they ll hurt the most and that s what i hate so much... | 1 |
i lost a coworker to suicide i wa the last person he talked to at work i wonder if that ha made me think about ending it after what happened a i explained in my post about me be bisexual the leap to this mind set did not seem a far any comment would be good it http good it feel so scary bein g in this mindest | 1 |
there is no real deep rooted reason i want to commit suicide i just feel so blah my life feel meaningless i keep seeing myself make the same mistake i feel trapped in a cycle i keep wondering when will i ever gain self control with money and time when will i ever let go of the past when will i ever grow up i do indeed ... | 1 |
gon na probably be really long im sorry since saturday i have a really horrible fucking mood i can not explain tomorrow i have to study chemistry i have a test on friday go to my therapist which make me cry so fucking hard and is probably one of the major reason why i want to end myself the thing is i cant fucking do i... | 1 |
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