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1 | Hah! I finally got it! It's standing up! Oh... wait, no, the door is on the wrong side, I attached the hinge backwards, damn it. | My phone reminder didn't go off! That's it, that's my excuse! Well, it's not an excuse, it's a reason... but it still sounds so pathetic. | ||
2 | I keep opening the final file just to stare at it, like, is this real? Did we actually do it? Oh wow, I think we did. I'm honestly in shock. | Oh my god, I just found out, and honestly, I don't even know what to say. I worked weekends, I missed birthdays, for this? And they gave it to him? Wow. | ||
3 | Oh my god, are you serious? This is the third time this month they've cancelled on me, and now they're offering a voucher? I just want to get home, you know? | Haha, wow, the instructions literally just say "attach side panel" with a blurry picture, that's it? That's all the help I get? Are you kidding me? | ||
4 | Honestly, what if I just stopped? What if I just started telling the truth? The thought is terrifying but also, oh my god, it sounds so freeing. | Aww, man. My favorite uncle, the one who always got me, he was my dad? And he just... watched from the sidelines? That breaks my heart, honestly. | ||
5 | Wait, so there's literally nothing you can do? No hotels, no vouchers, no nothing? After all this? Wow, okay, that's just great, that's just perfect customer service right there. | My friend said, 'Aren't you too old?' I just laughed. Too old for what? Learning? Living? That's the excuse I'm officially retiring right now. | ||
6 | Is anyone else's flight getting cancelled, or is it just mine? Feels like I've got a curse or something. Three times! What are the odds, honestly? | Honestly, I keep replaying it in my head, and oh my god, I just can't believe how close it was, you know? Like, one second later and I would've been... I'm just so incredibly lucky. | ||
7 | We had a deal! A simple, clear, roommate deal! You buy milk, I buy eggs, you don't touch my labeled leftovers. How is that so complicated to follow? It's infuriating. | I mean, I'm thrilled, obviously, but also a little nervous? What if the new season isn't as good? Ugh, no, I have to stay positive, this is amazing. | ||
8 | I mean, come on, was the note not clear enough? Did the giant "DO NOT EAT" in sharpie just fade into the background for you? I'm at a loss here. | Oh my god, I can't believe we're actually here, you know? Honestly, it feels like a dream come true, and I'm just so, so incredibly happy right now, haha! | ||
9 | What if they think I'm overqualified? Or underqualified? Oh my god, there's just no winning with this anxiety, you know? I'm just psyching myself out for no reason. | Oh my god, wait, are you being serious right now? He actually said that to her face? I mean, that is just... I can't even believe what I'm hearing, that's so incredibly messed up. | ||
10 | Seriously? After everything he promised? I just... I honestly thought he was better than that, you know? This is such a massive letdown, I can't even. | Damn, she donated her entire bonus to the animal shelter? That’s incredible, what an amazingly generous thing to do. It really restores your faith in people, you know? | ||
11 | No way, you cannot give up now, I won't let you! Remember all those times you said you couldn't do it, and then you totally did? That's you! | Honestly, I'm so tired I feel like my brain is just static, you know? And for what? A paycheck that barely covers rent, let alone... god, I'm just so done. | ||
12 | Oh my god, you guys, I cannot believe this, I was literally just coming home to microwave some leftovers, and you're all here, wow, I'm honestly speechless, thank you so much, haha, I'm shaking! | Wait, wait, she's pregnant? But they said it wasn't possible, they told us that for years. Oh my god, after everything we tried... I think I'm going to cry, honestly. | ||
13 | Ugh, I feel sick. So all those "business trips" dad took? He was visiting his other daughter? I have a whole other sister? This is just... this is a lot to process right now. | Oh my god, wait, seriously? She actually said that about her best friend? I mean, I knew things were tense but that's just... wow, that's a whole new level of betrayal, you know? | ||
14 | Wait, so my grandmother had a whole other family before she married grandpa? And she never told a soul? That's just... wow. I mean, we have more cousins out there somewhere? | Is that... is that someone actually getting out to stretch? Oh my god, the desperation is real, I'm almost tempted to join them, honestly. | ||
15 | Oh my god, I can't believe it, we're actually going! I mean, a whole week in Hawaii, just us, it's honestly a dream come true, haha! | I swear, my uncle Frank has one volume, and it's loud, so my impression is just me yelling, "PASS THE POTATOES! NO, THE MASHED ONES! THANK YOU!" at the dinner table. | ||
16 | I got one C-plus on a paper and thought I'd failed, and she goes, "Are you kidding? This is a breakthrough for you! Seriously, celebrate this! | Jeez, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning! I haven't been this excited about a TV announcement since... well, since the original show premiered, honestly. | ||
17 | Seriously? My sister is actually my half-sister? And everyone knew but me? I feel like my whole childhood was just one giant lie. This is honestly too much to take in. | Oh my god, I can't believe it, we're actually going! I'm so excited, like, this is the best news ever, honestly. | ||
18 | Honestly, I'm just so tired of saying "I'm fine" when I'm really not, you know? It's like this heavy mask I have to wear every single day, and oh my god, I'm just exhausted from it. | Oh wow, look at that! A shiny red balloon! See the balloon? Can you say balloon? Please, for the love of all that is good, say balloon. | ||
19 | Wait, wait, wait. You're saying my real father is alive and has been trying to find me? And mom kept his letters? I don't know whether to be furious or... just heartbroken. | I mean, wow. So grandpa wasn't a war hero? He was, he was on the other side? All those stories, all that pride, it was all just... I need a minute, okay? | ||
20 | Is there anything else I can sell? My TV? That'd take days to list online. My winter coat? But it's still cold out. Jeez, I'm considering selling my coat. | Wait, does this include meet and greet? It says backstage access... oh my god, oh my god, I might get to actually talk to them, what would I even say? | ||
21 | You're telling me I won? The lottery? Haha, are you sure you have the right number? This is insane, I need to sit down. Okay, wow, what do I even do first? | Hahaha, remember when I did my mom's 'trying to remember a name' thing? It's just, "Oh, what's-his-face, you know, the one with the... the thing! Ugh, it's on the tip of my tongue! | ||
22 | Oh my god, I'm just so worried about the test tomorrow, you know? I honestly don't think I studied enough, and my stomach is in knots. What if I fail? | Wait, they're saying the inheritance is contested? By who? I thought everything was settled. This is a nightmare, honestly. Now we have to get lawyers involved? I can't believe this. | ||
23 | What if my mic cuts out? Or the slides don't advance? Or a fire alarm goes off? Honestly, at this point, any of those would be a relief. | No way, no way, no way, you all actually pulled this off, I'm so shocked, I walked right past the cars and didn't even think twice, oh my god, this is incredible! | ||
24 | Wait, she says here she was secretly in love with my brother? No way, seriously? Oh wow, that explains so much about how awkward she was around him, honestly. | Wait, is that my mom? She drove three hours for this? Oh my god, I'm gonna cry, you all are unbelievable, how did you even keep this a secret? | ||
25 | Oh my god, I can't believe I found this, it's her letter from that summer camp, wow, reading her handwriting again just... I forgot how funny she was, honestly, it's making me tear up a little. | I mean, come on, people, just go! It's a straight road! How is everyone so bad at this simple task of moving forward? It's infuriating. | ||
26 | Is this a key? To a studio space? For my painting? You're giving me a place to actually work? Oh my god, this is a dream come true, I could just hug you forever. | Oh my god, I can't stop laughing, that was honestly the funniest thing I've ever seen, like, my stomach hurts, haha! | ||
27 | Honestly, I think I just screamed and scared my cat, poor thing, but I don't even care, I am too busy freaking out about this incredible news! | So my sister just called from the airport in Tokyo. She eloped. She what? With who? I didn't even know she was dating anyone! Wow, okay, family drama just leveled up. | ||
28 | Wow, I'm honestly floored. I just came in to do my normal job and now this? I'm so excited, and a little terrified, but mostly just over the moon. | I mean, what's the point? I work late, I skip lunch, I'm constantly stressed, and for what? So I can afford to be this tired in a slightly nicer apartment? Wow. | ||
29 | Oh my god, I just have to say, thank you so, so much. Honestly, this means the absolute world to me, you know? I'm just... so incredibly grateful. | Honestly, I had this moment last week where I looked in the mirror and thought, wow, is this really it? I'm not done yet, I have so much more to give, you know? | ||
30 | Wow, wow, wow, a grandbaby, I honestly never thought this day would come, I mean my baby is having a baby, I'm just so thrilled and a little stunned. | Honestly? I'm exhausted. I'm tired of being the strong one, the one who's always okay. Can I just, for once, not be okay? Is that too much to ask? | ||
31 | Seriously, a baby? Our baby is having a baby? Oh wow, okay, I think I'm in shock, but it's the best kind of shock, I'm just so thrilled for this new chapter. | Wait, hold on, so I'm really the new manager? Like, people will report to me? That's a huge responsibility, but wow, what an amazing opportunity, I'm so ready for this. | ||
32 | Seriously? They're giving me the promotion? After everything that happened last quarter? I worked so hard but I'd honestly given up hope, this is unbelievable. | Honestly, I woke up this morning and just thought, oh my god, I actually feel okay for the first time in years, like a real person again, you know? It's incredible. | ||
33 | Yes! Oh my god, you will not believe this, it was in the fridge, next to the orange juice, I must have set it down making breakfast, I'm an idiot! | Wait, wait, slow down, are you sure? Oh my god, you're sure! This is the most wonderful, stunning news, I'm just over the moon for you, sweetheart. | ||
34 | I mean, all my medical history is a lie? The allergies, the heart stuff? That's not just a secret, that's dangerous, you know? What if something had happened? | My manager said I should be "proud of how far I've come." Proud? Are you kidding me? After that rejection? Oh my god, that just makes it worse. | ||
35 | You compiled all the videos from our college years into one movie? Haha, look at my hair! But honestly, this is a piece of our history, I love it so much, you're amazing. | I mean, what is your deal? Do you not go grocery shopping? That was my birthday cake slice, my mom sent it, and you just ate it? That's honestly heartbreaking, aww man. | ||
36 | I have to start over? From scratch? With fifteen minutes left? That's impossible. That's literally impossible. I'm just... I don't even know what to do anymore. | Aww, but what if they think I'm badmouthing my old job? I'm not! I loved it! I just need to frame it as a positive step forward, not an escape. | ||
37 | Wait, was that a car door? Oh my god, it was! I hear footsteps on the porch... oh thank you, thank you, thank you, she's home, she's finally, finally home. | They're offering me the job in Tokyo? Tokyo? Oh wow, that's halfway around the world. I mean, it's an amazing opportunity, but my whole life is here. I need to think. | ||
38 | Seriously? He’s getting married? To her? After he swore he never wanted to settle down, like, ever. I mean, wow, I just need a minute to process that. | Wait, seriously? After three years of radio silence, they just call out of the blue and say that? I don't even know what to feel, I'm just stunned, honestly. | ||
39 | Oh my god, I can't believe it, I'm going to be a grandma! Wait, I need to sit down, this is just... wow, I'm so incredibly happy for them, my heart is absolutely bursting. | Seriously? Me? I mean, I was hoping for maybe a small raise, but a full promotion with a new title? This is just... I don't even have the words. | ||
40 | Honestly, what is wrong with you? You couldn't just order takeout or make a sandwich? You had to eat the special curry I was saving? I'm honestly furious. | Wait, hold on, they found my cat? After three whole weeks? Where was he? Is he okay? Oh my god, tell me everything, I'm coming right now. | ||
41 | Oh, come on, phone, just ring already! Get it over with! This limbo is honestly the worst part, far worse than any test or needle. | Haha, can you imagine? Waking up and the first thought isn't panic, it's just... nothing? That would be so weird and amazing, I crave that emptiness. | ||
42 | Oh my god, that story was hilarious, I honestly can't stop laughing, my stomach actually hurts from it! Haha, oh wow, that was too good. | Aww, my grandpa telling a joke he thinks is hilarious, he chuckles through it, "So the horse walks into the bar and the bartender says, why the long face? Get it? The long face! Hah! | ||
43 | Honestly, I'm a little scared to stop, you know? This project has been my entire identity for so long, what am I without it... who am I? | Wait, so my dad isn't my real dad? Oh my god. This whole life, this whole family, it's all been... I don't even know what to call it. Who am I supposed to be now? | ||
44 | Haha, I knew it! I had this feeling last week, I told your father, 'Mark has that look about him.' And I was right! Congratulations, my darlings, I'm so happy! | Oh my god, are you serious? I honestly can't believe this, I've been working towards this for so long and now... wow, I'm just completely speechless right now, thank you so much. | ||
45 | Wait, wait, are you absolutely serious? Because that’s not... that’s not possible, right? I mean, honestly, how could that even happen after all this time? | Honestly, I'm so tired I could sleep for a week straight, but man, the feeling of finally hitting submit is just... absolutely incredible, you know? | ||
46 | Wait, seriously, wait. I wore my jeans yesterday, not these. Did I leave it in the other pair? Oh my god, that has to be it! | Are you kidding me? This is so messed up, I can't even believe they're getting away with it! Honestly, it makes me sick, you know? We have to do something, right now. | ||
47 | Wait, seriously? You're telling me that actually happened? I mean, come on, that's just... wow, I honestly can't even believe it. | I still can't believe you wore two different shoes to your own job interview, and you got the job! What does that say about the company, huh? It's iconic, honestly. | ||
48 | Wow. Just wow. I spent like an hour making that from scratch, and you just... scarfed it down in five minutes? Did you even taste it? Probably not, you animal. | I mean, what's the alternative? Another twenty years of wondering "what if?" No thank you. I'd rather be exhausted from studying than numb from complacency, you know what I mean? | ||
49 | Oh my god, I just got the call and I can't believe it, I'm going to be a grandma, I'm honestly shaking with happiness right now, this is the best news ever! | Wait, did you just learn to sit? You did! Oh my god, you're a genius! Yes! Good puppy! Haha, okay, maybe I'm too excited but I don't even care. | ||
50 | Oh my god, I can't believe I forgot to send that email, honestly, what is wrong with me? I'm just so worried my boss is gonna be furious, you know? This is a total disaster. | I mean, wait, are you serious? They're really giving me another go? After everything? That's... that's more grace than I ever thought I'd find, honestly. |
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